Islam: Questions And Answers - Psychological and Social Problems

ISLAM: QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Psychological and Social Problems Volume 12 of a Series of Islamic Books by Muhammad Saed Abdul-Rahman

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Islam: Questions And Answers Volume 12 Psychological and Social Problems

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Islam: Questions And Answers Volume 12 Psychological and Social Problems

Muhammad Saed Abdul-Rahman B.Sc., DipHE

MSA Publication Limited

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© Muhammad Saed Abdul-Rahman, 2003 ISBN for all volumes 1 86179 080 5 ISBN for volume 12 paperback 1 86179 311 1 ISBN for volume 12 hardback 1 86179 312 X ISBN for volume 12 pdf eBook 1 86179 313 8 ISBN for volume 12 Microsoft eBook 1 86179 314 6 ISBN for volume 12 Palm eBook 1 86179 315 4 All Rights reserved

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data. A Catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

Designed, Typeset and produced by: MSA Publication Limited, 4 Bello Close, Herne Hill, London SE24 9BW United Kingdom

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Contents Introduction .............................................................................. 1 Chapter 1................................................................................... 3 49708: His wife and her family accused him of having something wrong with his mind; should he take a second wife? ......................................... 3 49666: He married her on the basis that he would come back to his country after a certain amount of time, then he decided not to go back ............. 5 45858: Her brother’s wife mistreats her because she is religiously-committed and she hates her ............... 8 43347: I want my relationship with my husband to go back to the way it was .......................................... 12 45847: He has taken on the responsibility and feels anxious and depressed .......................................... 15 45864: Her father mistreats her and her mother resents her, and this has affected her relationship with her husband ........................................................... 20 43476: He is having a problem with his second wife and he fears for his daughter ................................. 24 45600: Her husband only gives her maintenance, and he lives far away from her. Can she ask for a divorce? ...................................................................... 27 38245: Her father tries to hit her and prevent her from fasting ............................................................. 31 32450: Her husband repented from taking drugs then he went back to it. Does she have the right to seek annulment of the marriage? .............................. 34 21515: She feels anxious – what should she do? .......... 38 32725: She is complaining about her husband’s attachment to the Society for the Promotion of Virtue ........................................................................ 40 44684: Her son controls her .......................................... 42 26282: Bringing servants from abroad .......................... 45 v

32731: He is complaining of a problem between his wife and his sisters .................................................. 49 Chapter 2................................................................................. 51 40278: He consummated the marriage with her and found that she was not a virgin even though she has never committed any immoral action ............... 51 40233: Her friend keeps company with men and commits sins, and she refuses to accept advice. What is to be done?........................................... 53 27265: His brother only treats his parents in a harsh manner, and he is afraid that he has been bewitched .............................................................. 55 23362: She is upset by her husband’s many guests who come all the time ........................................ 57 11458: Their father is active in da’wah but they are complaining about his bad treatment of his family .................................................................. 58 13436: Is there any hadd punishment or expiation for masturbation? .......................................... 61 27152: Her uncle sexually abused her and this has affected her psychologically ................................... 63 33651: Dealing with the fitnah (temptation) of women ....................................................................... 66 27107: She is married to a Muslim and hijab is putting her off Islam .................................................. 72 20927: She is jealous because her husband cares more about his sister than her .............................. 76 33713: She has the bad habit of nail biting ................... 79 39214: Possession and the illusions and facts that are connected to it .................................................. 80 20849: He married a second wife and they became Muslim – what should he do with his first wife? ...................................................................... 82 20910: Her husband is forcing her to wear niqaab and she wants advice ......................................... 86 34222: She complained about her friend and her brother has forsaken her .......................................... 88 vi

Chapter 3................................................................................. 91 20798: She wants to run away from her father who hits her ................................................................... 91 34151: His wife is weak in religious commitment – what should he do? ..................................................... 94 21052: Whispers from the Shaytaan ............................. 96 20607: Family problems caused by husband’s brother ......................................................................... 103 26192: Her sister does not pray and does not behave properly ........................................................... 105 30901: A righteous young man is overwhelmed with worry and anxiety. What is the remedy? ............. 107 10276: A new Muslimah wants to study but cannot .......................................................................... 113 21865: He is afraid of meeting people ........................ 116 21898: She is a new Muslim and is complaining about her husband ....................................................... 118 20088: He fears for the future ..................................... 121 32479: Family planning .............................................. 127 26913: How should he deal with his wife who is mentally ill? ............................................................. 129 6377: He doesn’t like his wife to visit her family when her male cousins are there ................................. 132 20343: His wife does not accept advice. What is the solution? ............................................................ 135 2095: Problems faced by Muslim teenage girls in non-Muslim countries ............................................. 139 Chapter 4............................................................................... 141 6053: A young girl living in a corrupt society fears that she may go astray ........................................ 141 21510: My wife is not beautiful!! ............................... 145 21598: Her husband’s mother dislikes her – what should she do? ................................................. 146 22877: He feels that his faith is weak and that worship is burdensome ......................................... 148 21149: Wife’s family making the husband have doubts about his wife .......................................... 152 vii

62839: Whispers from the Shaytaan and the remedy for them .......................................................... 153 21356: Should he leave home because of his sisters’ bad behaviour? ................................................ 158 3793: Are there social classes in Islam? ...................... 162 23317: Problem of forgetting appointments ................ 164 12734: How can she tell her non-Muslim mother that her husband is going to take a second wife? ........ 166 20161: Resisting sexual desires .................................. 167 22704: How to be successful in life ............................ 172 26784: Her husband sits with non-mahrams and she objects to that ................................................. 182 20130: Our worries are bothering us a great deal! ............................................................................. 184 22706: Mixing with relatives who backbite ................ 189 Chapter 5............................................................................... 194 21696: He bequeathed one-third of his wealth to his daughters as a punishment to his son for taking all the money .............................................. 194 10362: The closest of people to her raped her ............ 198 26231: Ruling on bringing a servant into the home ............................................................................ 199 20044: Can he delay Hajj because of problems with his wife? .............................................................. 200 26333: Her sister mistreated her – should she forsake her? ................................................................. 203 21843: Can Muslims be affected by psychological problems? .................................................................... 206 20159: Will the one who suffers from waswaas be rewarded, and what should he do? ......................... 208 20152: He likes a girl but his father refuses to let him marry her ......................................................... 213 20162: She married her boyfriend and is living a miserable life with him ............................................. 215 20187: Her brother is in love with a divorced woman with whom he had a previous relationship ..... 219 22164: Advice on the matter of spinsterhood ............. 222 viii

21171: How should she answer the questions of her second husband’s children? .............................. 223 11449: He is suffering from overpowering waswaas (insinuating whispers from the Shaytaan) ..................................................................... 224 21269: She left home fleeing her husband’s beatings ....................................................................... 226 12665: A criminal tried to rape his wife’s daughter ....................................................................... 227 Chapter 6............................................................................... 229 11519: If she marries him, his first wife will leave him ..................................................................... 229 7205: Is it permissible to use birth control because one is afraid to have children due to the corruption of society? ............................................ 230 2247: He has breasts which resembles those of a woman .................................................................. 231 3234: Resisting the temptation of women ................... 231 7722: His father is a very angry person who swears a lot, and there are a lot of arguments in the house ................................................................. 234 10033: He wants to limit having children because he is poor ....................................................... 236 5644: His father wants him to marry his cousin who is close in age to him................................ 238 11018: Ruling on a dispute between two brothers ........................................................................ 240 6990: Her husband wants to move far away from her family, and she does not want to go ............. 241 3127: Tragedy of a woman who has become Muslim, but she has two children and their father is Hindu ............................................................. 243 7833: The problem of children stealing ...................... 247 6540: What should I do with my drug-addicted brother? ....................................................................... 249 5435: Her son is two years old and is not eating solid food yet ............................................................... 251 ix

2967: His wife claims that she was raped ................... 252 Chapter 7............................................................................... 256 4882: He discovered that his wife used to go out with someone before she got married ................... 256 3089: Disaster for a family because of a father who does not fear Allaah ............................................. 258 2285: Family problems because a Muslim woman wants to marry a Christian man ...................... 262 657: Family feud caused by living at the same house .................................................................. 263 555: References to propagational issues ..................... 264

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Introduction Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds, and peace and blessings be upon His last Messenger, Prophet Muhammad, and on his family and his companions. This book, Psychological and Social Problems, is the twelfth volume of a series of authoritative Islamic books entitled Islam: Questions And Answers. The overall series discusses issues relevant to Islam, and present accurate and reliable information based on the true beliefs and practices of the Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) and his companions. The objectives of the various books include: to teach and familiarize Muslims with various aspects of their religion to be a source for guiding people to Islam to assist in solving the social and personal problems of the Muslims in an Islamic context The books are directed towards Muslims and non-Muslims alike. Subject areas include, but are not limited to, Islamic fiqh and jurisprudence, Islamic history, Islamic social laws (including marriage, divorce, contracts, and inheritance), Islamic finance, basic tenets and aqeedah of the Islamic faith and tawheed, and Arabic grammar as it relates to the Qur'an and Islamic texts. The books are compilations of questions and responses about Islam, from both Muslims and Non-Muslims. The responses are handled mainly by internationally re-nowned Islamic shaykhs and scholars, including Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, Ibn Katheer, al-Albaani, Shaykh Ibn Baaz, Ibn al-Jawzi, Ibn al-Qayyim, Al‘Izz ibn ‘Abd al-Salaam, al-Nawawi, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem, al Khudayr, Al-Dhahabi, al-Qurtubi, Al-Sindi, al-Shawkaani and al-Bastawi using only authentic, scholarly sources based on the Qur'an and sunnah. References, which include Haashiyat Ibn Maajah, Sharh Saheeh Muslim, Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 1

Silsilat al-Ahaadeeth al-Da’eefah, Al-Mawsoo’ah fi Ahaadeeth al-Mahdi al-Da’eefah wa’l-Mawdoo’ah, Al-Manaar al-Muneef and Fataawa Islamiyyah, are provided where appropriate in the responses. The book provides the reader with cross references of other pertinent responses not necessarily in the same volume, but also in other volumes of the series. However, each volume is complete in itself. The book records accurately the answers the contributing Sheikhs and scholars gave to the questions put to them. These are not necessarily the answers which other sheikhs and scholars would have given. Depending on circumstances, for example, Islam permits different solutions to some questions The book also provides the reader with cross-references to other pertinent responses not necessarily in the same volume, but also in other volumes of the series. However, each volume is complete in itself. It is intended that this present series of Books will cover the following subject areas (insha-Allah): Aqeedah (Basic Tenets of Faith); Usool ul-Fiqh (Science of evidence that serve as basis for Fiqh), Fiqh (Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings), Da'wah (Inviting others to Islam), Aadaab (Manners), Akhlaaq (Character and Morals), Tareekh wa ul Seerah (Islamic history and biography), Tarbiyyah (Pedagogy, education, and upbringing) and Mashakil Nafsiyah wa Ijtimaa'yah (Psychological & Social Problems). May Allah reward the owners and maintainers of www.islamqa.com for granting me full, exclusive, assignable and transferable rights to use and display all the questions and answers needed for the compilation of these books. May Allah grant everyone involved in the promotion of this project good in this world and the Hereafter and protection from the fire of hell.

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Chapter 1 49708: His wife and her family accused him of having something wrong with his mind; should he take a second wife? Question: I am 24 years old and I got married a year ago. My marriage lasted only 6 months, after which my wife’s family accused me of being mentally ill. I proved that this was not the case with the help of a government psychiatrist. This is happening to me because my wife’s family is accusing me and she is agreeing with them, may Allaah forgive her. What should I do? Should I take another wife? Please note that the problem with my wife has been referred to the court and divorce proceedings are under way. If I get married [to a second wife] now, will there be any sin on me?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Proof that a person is in good mental health and treats others well does not require the testimony of a doctor. What matters is what people see of a man, not the papers he produces. Hence if the accusations of your wife’s family are based on things that they have seen you do or words that they have heard you speak, then they may have a reason. You have to sort yourself out and mend your ways so that there will be nothing for others to judge you by. If what they said about you has no real basis, rather it is 3

false and sinful testimony, then we think that you should advise them and explain to them that their false accusation against you is sinful, and tell them how that has caused division between you and your wife. If they recant, then all well and good, otherwise you should shun them, and not let them visit you or let your wife visit them, lest they turn her against you. With regard to your intention of taking a second wife, what we advise you is to wait and to examine the real motive for that, because often in such cases the decision is based on the desire for revenge against the first wife and her family because of the trouble they caused, and usually when a man marries with this attitude it leads to trouble for the second wife too, if the husband has not set things straight with his first wife and her family. If you have not set things straight between you and your wife and her family, we think that if you want to take a second wife, you should let the first wife go and divorce her, or you can keep the first wife if you intend to keep both wives if Allaah guides her (the first wife). We also advise you to have a good intention and try to do the right thing, for Allaah says concerning spouses between whom there are difficulties (interpretation of the meaning): “if they both wish for peace, Allaah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allaah is Ever AllKnower, WellAcquainted with all things” [al-Nisa’ 4:35] We advise you to fear Allaah with regard to every step you take and not to let this problem cause you to treat her unjustly or to keep reminding her of mistakes that she made but that she has apologized for. We ask Allaah to set your affairs straight and to make it easy for both of you to do the right thing. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 4

49666: He married her on the basis that he would come back to his country after a certain amount of time, then he decided not to go back Question: A man came to propose marriage to me, and he was working in another country. He agreed with my father that I would travel with him after marriage and stay there with him for no more than three years, and we would come back together after that time was up. I actually did marry him and I traveled with him, and I have two children. Three years went by, and when I asked him to go back, based on the agreement, he went mad and told me that he will never go back; he has migrated and I have to accept this situation. In addition to that, he is a man who does not help me to obey Allaah. He brought a satellite dish into our home and he leaves me alone all day feeling lonely in this foreign land, and I cannot resist watching it. Also, he does not allocate any time to spend with me and relieve my loneliness. All his time is spent at his work or with his friends. When I realized that I could not stand to put up with this situation for the rest of my life, I decided to go back to Egypt and never come back and delegate my affairs to Allaah with regard to this bad marriage. But the problem is that he is accusing me of being a wife who does not obey him and of being disobedient, and he tells me that Allaah will punish me on the Day of Resurrection because I went against my husband’s commands. Am I really a disobedient wife, or does the fact that he did not adhere to the agreement on the basis of which I married him exonerate me from any blame?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 5

Firstly: The Muslim is obliged to adhere to the conditions that he set and to fulfil his promises. Among the conditions that are most deserving of fulfillment are those by means of which it becomes permissible for a man to enjoy intimacy with his wife, namely the conditions of marriage. Al-Bukhaari (2821) and Muslim (1418) narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The conditions that most deserve to be fulfilled are those by means of which it becomes permissible for you to enjoy intimacy.” Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni (7/448): The conditions of marriage fall into three categories: 1 – Those which must be fulfilled, which are those which benefit the wife, such as the condition that he will not make her leave her house or city, or make her travel with him (i.e., take her to another country). These must be fulfilled. If the husband does not do that then the wife has the right to annul the marriage, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The conditions that most deserve to be fulfilled are those by means of which it becomes permissible for you to enjoy intimacy.” End quote. It is essential to differentiate between that which the husband stated as a condition in the marriage, and a promise that he made after the marriage contract was done. If it was a condition of marriage (i.e., the marriage contract was done on the basis of this condition), then the wife has the choice of waiving that condition or of annulling the marriage, if her husband does not fulfil this condition. In this case she should be given her rights in full.

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If it was a promise that he made after marriage, then he has to fulfil his promise if he does not have an excuse. But the wife does not have the right to annul the marriage if he does not fulfil it. This is the ruling on this situation. We advise the husband to fulfil the condition and to keep his promise, or to ask for his wife’s consent to waive the condition or to delay fulfillment of the promise until a later, stated time. He has to fear Allaah with regard to his wife and not bring haraam things and haraam entertainment into the house. The sister who asked this question should be more patient and put up with it. She should also try to get wise people from her family and from his to intervene, in order to resolve the differences between them. Secondly: The husband has made a serious mistake by bringing the satellite dish into the home and enabling his wife to see all the sinful content that the dish brings. The one whom Allaah has put in charge of others should be sincere towards them and not be negligent or heedless in his duties towards them. Thirdly: The sister made a mistake, because she is not forced to look at the evil scenes brought by the dish, and her being alone is no excuse. She can occupy herself by worshipping Allaah, keeping company with righteous women, doing permissible things, and reading and listening to things that will benefit her in both her religious and worldly affairs. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 7

45858: Her brother’s wife mistreats her because she is religiously-committed and she hates her Question: I am an eighteen-year-old girl, and my problem is that my brother’s wife always mistreats me. When my sister asked her why she does that, she said “Because she does not like religious people”! What she means is that I am religiously committed, hence she does not like me. I have suffered so much from her bad treatment that when she visits us I greet her then I go and sit in my room until she had left, because if I sit with her, she starts to insult those who are religiouslycommitted, with the intention of offending me. When I try to advise her she looks at me scornfully and in a mocking manner, then she goes away. Recently she does not want to speak to me at all. Is it permissible for me to treat her in like manner, i.e., not speaking to her at all – knowing that I have tried to advise her on numerous occasions but she just becomes more stubborn? One of my committed sisters advised me to keep away from my brother’s wife as much as possible because she only prays rarely and she often insults those who are religiouslycommitted. Now I am confused and I hope that you can advise me as to the best way to deal with this problem. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: With regard to one who does not pray, we have explained the ruling on that, and stated that some of the scholars – who expressed the correct view – have ruled that such a person is a kaafir and it is not permissible to marry such 8

a person or to remain married to him, and that meat slaughtered by him is haraam, and so on. We have discussed these rulings in detail. Please see questions no. 34795 and 20059. Secondly: With regard to your brother’s wife making fun of those who are religiously-committed and insulting them and mocking them, she should understand that by doing these things she is in serious danger, and that these actions may put her beyond the pale of Islam. Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about the ruling on making fun of those who adhere to the commandments of Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)? He replied: Making fun of those who adhere to the commandments of Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) because of their commitment is haraam and is very dangerous and serious, because there is the fear that his hatred for them may be based on hatred of what they are adhering to, namely the religion of Allaah. In that case mocking them is mocking the path that they are following. They are like those of whom Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “If you ask them (about this), they declare: ‘We were only talking idly and joking.’ Say: ‘Was it at Allaah, and His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) and His Messenger that you were mocking?” Make no excuse; you disbelieved after you had believed’” [al-Tawbah 9:65-66] These words were revealed concerning some of the hypocrites who said: “We have never seen anything like 9

these reciters – meaning the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his companions – they are the most greedy, the most false of speech and the most cowardly in battle.” Then Allaah revealed this verse concerning them. Those who make fun of the followers of truth because they are religiously-committed should beware, for Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, (during the worldly life) those who committed crimes used to laugh at those who believed. 30. And, whenever they passed by them, used to wink one to another (in mockery). 31. And when they returned to their own people, they would return jesting; 32. And when they saw them, they said: ‘Verily, these have indeed gone astray!’ 33. But they (disbelievers, sinners) had not been sent as watchers over them (the believers). 34. But this Day (the Day of Resurrection) those who believe will laugh at the disbelievers 35. On (high) thrones, looking (at all things). 36. Are not the disbelievers paid (fully) for what they used to do?” [al-Mutaffifeen 83:29-36] Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 2/question no. 236. Insulting a Muslim is a major sin, especially if one insults him for being religiously committed and righteous. There is the fear that the one who does this may fall into apostasy as stated above with regard to mocking them. 10

It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Insulting a Muslim is immorality and killing him is kufr.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 48; Muslim, 64. Al-Nawawi said: In Arabic the word sabb (translated here as insulting) means slandering a person and speaking of his honour in a disparaging fashion. And fisq (translated here as immorality) means going out; in sharee’ah terminology it means going out of obedience (i.e., transgressing the bounds of obedience). With regard to the meaning of the hadeeth: Insulting a Muslim for no reason is haraam according to the consensus of the ummah, so the one who does that is a faasiq as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. Sharh Muslim, 2/53, 54. We advise you to continue advising her, and if that is via your brother, that will be better. Tell him of the Islamic rulings on what she is doing, and encourage him to guide her by whatever means he can. We do not advise you to sit with her unless she repents and turns back to her Lord. We fear that you may react towards her, and we fear that she may increase in sin every time she sees you or sits with you. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And when you (Muhammad) see those who engage in a false conversation about Our Verses (of the Qur’aan) by mocking at them, stay away from them till they turn to 11

another topic. And if Shaytaan (Satan) causes you to forget, then after the remembrance sit not you in the company of those people who are the Zaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers)” [al-An’aam 6:68] But if you speak to her and do not shun her, that may be more beneficial for her because it may soften her heart. You can limit it to greeting and welcoming her, and asking how she is, without indulging in any arguments with her that may lead her to do something haraam. Do not forget – as well as doing what you can to advise her – to pray that she may be guided aright. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 43347: I want my relationship with my husband to go back to the way it was Question: I have a problem and only my Lord knows how bad it is. My problem is that my husband treats me badly and betrays me and does not acknowledge his Lord. This complete change happened three years ago and I have been putting up with it for so long for the sake of my children and in the hope that he would change. I used to think that his mother was influencing him, because his mother used to criticize me all the time behind my back even though I treated her well and respected her and took care of her. But she used to feel jealous of my husband’s love for me, and I felt that, even though in front of me she pretended to show love because I used to treat her 12

well. This happened three years ago when she stayed with us in our house for five months after her husband passed away, and she left us after we traveled abroad for work. Since that time I have been suffering terribly. My husband is no longer the husband that I know. I hope that you can help me, because I do not know what to do any more to bring him back to the way he was before. My sister is certain that he has been bewitched and is not in his right mind. Is this possible? And if it is then what can I do? I hope that you can advise me, because I do not want to get divorced or to turn to charlatans. My sister told me that there is a man of religion who treats people by means of Qur’aan, and she asked me to give her my picture and a picture of my husband. But I was afraid that this might incur the wrath of Allaah. Is that permissible? What should I do in this situation? I hope that you will help me, because I am in a difficult situation. I hope that you will answer me quickly. I am turning to you – after Allaah – in the hope that my Lord will show me a way out. May Allaah relieve you of all difficulty and may Allaah reward you with all good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You should note that by His wisdom, Allaah tests His slaves with good and evil, to show who among them will obey Him in all circumstances and who will only obey Him in some circumstances. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Who has created death and life that He may test you which of you is best in deed. And He is the AllMighty, the OftForgiving” [al-Mulk 67:2] 13

“and We shall make a trial of you with evil and with good. And to Us you will be returned” [al-Anbiya’ 21:35] One of the kinds of tests is that Allaah may test one spouse with bad treatment on the part of the other, for whatever reason. Based on this, if what you have mentioned is correct and your husband has been bewitched or affected by strong hasad (envy) – for witchcraft and the evil eye do have an effect, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “The evil eye is real” (narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 5408; Muslim, 2187) – then you have to do the following: 1 – Remember Allaah a great deal (dhikr) and pray for forgiveness. Ask Allaah to heal your husband and to make him be as he used to be. Nothing can alter the divine decree except du’aa’. 2 – Think about yourself and the way you treat your husband. It may be that you have changed in the way you treat him, without realizing. Be the best wife you can to him, and the best help, after Allaah. Stand be his side during this trial and be his support, after Allaah. 3 – Do not go to that so-called man of religion, for he is asking for your picture in order to practice trickery. See question no. 21124. 4 – There is nothing wrong with you going with your husband to a trustworthy shaykh, who treats people by means of the Qur’aan and du’aa’s prescribed by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). You could also recite Qur’aan over some water and you and your husband drink from it, and you could recite ruqyah over him every day, and recite Soorat al-Baqarah in the house. For more information on the ways of undoing the effects of witchcraft please see the following questions: 14

11290, 4010, 21124, 12198, 8291, 20954. For information on protection against witchcraft, please see questions no. 2662 and 22816. For information on various kinds of witchcraft please see questions no. 12578, 9432, 240. 5 – Assuming that what has happened to your husband is not witchcraft or hasad (envy), then sit with him and discuss things frankly. Tell him what you feel, and agree to go back to the way things were. 6 – You can ask some people – especially trustworthy relatives - to intervene and seek a solution to this problem, and to look into its causes and try to find a way of resolving it. Finally, we advise you to weigh up your husband’s good points and bad points, and do not forget his good qualities and his kind treatment of you, because that will motivate you to try to bring him back to the right path in his religion and in his relationship with his Lord, first of all, then in his relationship with you. May Allaah make things easy for you, and make your husband happy with your obedience and make you happy with his good treatment. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 45847: He has taken on the responsibility and feels anxious and depressed Question: Firstly, I am a young man, 20 years old, and am studying in the Faculty of Medicine. My father died recently, most of the responsibilities have fallen on my shoulders. I have a brother who is older than me but he is disabled. A few days ago I went through a psychological crisis. I started feeling afraid of sickness and death, and thinking that I 15

would die that day, and other such strange thoughts. I went to a psychiatrist and he said to me: “You are suffering from anxiety and depression.” He gave me some medicine but I am not taking it. I started to follow the teachings of Islam, praise be to Allaah, and I turned to Allaah and now, praise be to Allaah, I feel much better. I am also reading Qur’aan and praying in the mosque. My question is: in this situation do I need to take medicine or not? Is this from the Shaytaan or is it a nervous disease?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The believer cannot do without his Lord. He is the only One Who can bring benefits or ward off harm. By turning to Allaah you did the right thing. Death is a reality, and Allaah has decreed it for every soul, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “Everyone shall taste death” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:185] No matter how hard a person tries, he can never ward off that which Allaah has willed and decreed for him, namely death. But fear should not prevent a person from worshipping and obeying Allaah, rather it should do the opposite. Fear should motivate one to worship and obey Allaah. Fear – as Ibn Qudaamah said – is the whip of Allaah with which He drives His slaves to persist in seeking knowledge and acting upon it, so that they may attain the status of being close to Allaah. 16

Fear may cause a person to become worried, anxious or ill, which may in turn cause him to despair of the mercy of Allaah; in this case his fear is not something good, it is bad. It should be noted that a lot of worry and psychological stress is caused by not being content (with the will and decree of Allaah). We may not get what we want, and even if we do get what we want that may not make us feel content as we had hoped; the idea that we had in our minds before getting it was better than the reality. Even after getting what we want we may still suffer from anxiety and fear of losing that blessing. There is no remedy for this apart from accepting the decree of Allaah, thanking Him for His blessings and patiently bearing the difficulties and calamities that Allaah has decreed for us. Your situation may require a doctor, but you should note that most people’s diseases are not physical, rather they are psychosomatic. Dr al-Faarez says: It became clear that for four out of five patients their sickness had no physical basis at all, rather their sickness stemmed from fear, anxiety, resentment and selfishness, and a person’s inability to create harmony between himself and life. Look at how Ya’qoob (peace be upon him) wept for his son Yoosuf (peace be upon him) and lost his sight. Look at how distress overwhelmed ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) when the people slandered her by telling lies about her, and she kept weeping so much that she said: “I though that grief would tear me apart.” Agreed upon. Dr Hassaan Shamsi Pasha said: In the event of anxiety, secretion of a substance called 17

adrenaline increases in the blood, the blood pressure rises, the heart rate increases, and a person feels heart palpitations or may feel as if something is sinking to the bottom of his chest. He may become paranoid and rush from one doctor to another, wondering what is wrong with his heart, when there is nothing wrong in his body but he still suffers pain in his stomach and has indigestion, or bloating in his abdomen, or frequent urination or headaches. You have to have faith and fear Allaah; always recite dhikr and wirds that are prescribed in sharee’ah, because this is one of the greatest remedies that will get rid of the thoughts that are going around in your mind and the things that hearts grieve over. Some of the du’aa’s narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that deal with such matters include the following: 1 – It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say: “Allaahumma inni a’oodhu bika min al-hammi wa’l-hazani wa’l’ajzi wa’l-kasali wa’l-jubni wa’l-bukhli wa dala’ il-dayn wa ghalbat alrijaal (O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from worry, grief, incapacity, laziness, cowardice, miserliness, from being heavily in debt and from being overcome by men).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6008. 2 – It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a person who is afflicted by anxiety or sorrow says: ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka wa ibnu ‘abdika wa ibn ammatika naasiyati bi yadika maadin fiyya hukmuka ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw asta’tharta 18

bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘indaka an taj’al al-Qur’aana rabee’a qalbi wa nooar sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You with which You have named Yourself, or, or You have taught to any of Your creation, or You have revealed in Your Book, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)’, then Allaah will take away his anxiety and sorrow, and will replace it with joy.” It was said: “O Messenger of Allaah, should we not learn it?” He said: “Yes, whoever hears it should learn it.” Narrated by Ahmad, 3704; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 199. 3 – It was narrated that Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas said: The Messenger of Allaah (S) said: “The prayer of Dhu’l-Noon which he said when he was in the belly of the fish: ‘Laa ilaaha illa Anta, subhaanaka inni kuntu min al-zaalimeen (none has the right to be worshipped but You (O Allaah), Glorified (and Exalted) be You [above all that (evil) they associate with You]! Truly, I have been of the wrongdoers’ [cf al-Anbiya’ 21:87]. No Muslim man calls upon Allaah with these words concerning any matter but Allaah will answer him.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3505; classed as saheeh by al_Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3383. See also questions no. 21677 and 32457. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 19

45864: Her father mistreats her and her mother resents her, and this has affected her relationship with her husband Question: I got married two years ago. My husband – praise be to Allaah – fears Allaah with regard to the way he treats me, but I have a psychological complex because of a father who did not fear Allaah with regard to me, my siblings and my mother, which created resentment in my heart and in my siblings’ hearts towards him. Even though I have got married and moved away from that horrible life, I cannot help but be upset because of my mother’s and siblings’ suffering. They are still suffering and that affects the way I treat my husband who respects me, but his patience sometimes runs out when he sees me so sad most of the time and he thinks that I like to be miserable. What should I do? Also, my siblings and I cannot respect my father because of the way he has treated us; what should we do to rid ourselves of our resentment towards him? We try to respect him, but he does not respect anyone and he suffers from a complex whereby he hates everyone who is better than him, and he loves to show off and to stand out, i.e., he wants to show people that he owns a great deal even though he does not own anything, rather he is in debt. I hope that you can help me to solve this problem. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: With regard to your father, you have to keep on advising him and reminding him of what Allaah has enjoined upon him with regard to himself and to his family. You have to try different methods of advising him. It may 20

be hard for him to hear it from you, but do not despair of reminders and exhortations reaching him by way of your relatives or his friends. You could also let him listen to some useful tapes. Secondly: You have to fear Allaah with regard to your husband. You should not bring the worries of your family into your husband’s house and place them on his shoulders, especially since he treats you well and you do not see anything from him that upsets you. What you have to do is to appreciate him and treat him kindly. This is what Allaah commands you to do. Thirdly: No one is free of diseases – except those on whom Allaah has mercy. The fact that your father likes to show off and to appear to be better than others means that you have to be compassionate towards him, not resent him. The fact that he has treated you badly and is still doing so means that you should show mercy towards him, for if he dies and meets his Lord in that state, then he will meet Him with many sins. Hence you and your siblings and family have to look again at your relationship with your father and your attitude towards him, for Allaah has commanded us to treat parents well and honour them, even if they call us to shirk and kufr. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do” [Luqmaan 31:15] 21

Ibraaheem (peace be upon him) debated with his mushrik father politely, as Allaah tells us (interpretation of the meaning): “And mention in the Book (the Qur’aan) Ibraaheem (Abraham). Verily, he was a man of truth, a Prophet. 42. When he said to his father: ‘O my father! Why do you worship that which hears not, sees not and cannot avail you in anything? 43. ‘O my father! Verily, there has come to me of the knowledge that which came not unto you. So follow me, I will guide you to the Straight Path. 44. ‘O my father! Worship not Shaytaan (Satan). Verily, Shaytaan (Satan) has been a rebel against the Most Gracious (Allaah). 45. ‘O my father! Verily, I fear lest a torment from the Most Gracious (Allaah) should overtake you, so that you become a companion of Shaytaan (Satan) (in the Hellfire).’ 46. He (the father) said: ‘Do you reject my gods, O Ibraaheem (Abraham)? If you stop not (this), I will indeed stone you. So get away from me safely (before I punish you).’ 47. Ibraaheem (Abraham) said: ‘Peace be on you! I will ask forgiveness of my Lord for you. Verily, He is unto me Ever Most Gracious’” [Maryam 19:41-47] Look at the etiquette of this Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and how he addressed his mushrik father who was threatening his Muslim son. In this there is a great lesson for those who suffer a similar problem with their fathers. 22

Fourthly: With regard to the grief that you feel, it should not make you stop doing things or prevent you from doing acts of worship, or make you fall short in doing that which Allaah has enjoined upon you, such as the duties that Allaah has enjoined upon you towards your husband, or the duty to call your father to Allaah. We advise you to recite a du’aa’ for protection, and another for healing. The du’aa’ for protection is as follows: It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say: “Allaahumma inni a’oodhu bika min al-hammi wa’l-hazani wa’l’ajzi wa’l-kasali wa’ljubni wa’l-bukhli wa dala’ il-dayn wa ghalbat al-rijaal (O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from worry, grief, incapacity, laziness, cowardice, miserliness, from being heavily in debt and from being overcome by men).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6008. The du’aa’ for healing is as follows: It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a person who is afflicted by anxiety or sorrow says: ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka wa ibnu ‘abdika wa ibn ammatika naasiyati bi yadika maadin fiyya hukmuka ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw asta’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘indaka an taj’al al-Qur’aana rabee’a qalbi wa nooar sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your 23

hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You with which You have named Yourself, or, or You have taught to any of Your creation, or You have revealed in Your Book, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heat and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)’, then Allaah will take away his anxiety and sorrow, and will replace it with joy.” It was said: “O Messenger of Allaah, should we not learn it?” He said: “Yes, whoever hears it should learn it.” Narrated by Ahmad, 3704; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 199. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 43476: He is having a problem with his second wife and he fears for his daughter Question: I would appreciate if you could guide me and let me know about below mentioned queries as per Islamic Ruling and Values, those are as follows: A. If a wife (my 2nd wife) fabricate false documents and files cases one after an other about dowry, maintenance etc and abuse her husband behind his back while living with her mother. What are the Islamic ruling on this. (I have tried to reconcile with her but no avail and this will be her 3rd divorce but she doesn’t feel ashamed. She just want money.) B. She file a divorce case in the court. Should it be considered a Khula. if not then why not. C. Who should have the custody of a 24

child. I don’t want to say bad things about her just describing few facts. As her life style is not caring and good enough to raise a child. Her formal and informal education is low level. So in future her style will influence the child’s characters. On top of that by phone she told me that she will make my child a bad person. To save that child who should have the custody. Even-though, if she works and makes some money but money is not a life, life means values, such as living with high social, moral and religious values. From above mentioned values side, she is not very strong. D. When she works, her mother can take care of our child. Her mother’s is an illiterate person and she, (I overheard) her mother use bad words for our child. How can she educate her etc. As per Islamic law, is it right to let some else in a family to take care of the child instead of her father. Who is more educated and have high standard for religious and other values. More respectable in the society. I believe I can make my child a good citizen with high social, moral and religious values. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The basic principle concerning divorce is that it is makrooh (disliked), as is indicated by the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Those who take an oath not to have sexual relation with their wives must wait for four months, then if they return (change their idea in this period), verily, Allaah is OftForgiving, Most Merciful. 227. And if they decide upon divorce, then Allaah is AllHearer, All-Knower” [al-Baqarah 2:226] 25

In relation to changing their minds He said “Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful” and in relation to divorce He said “AllHearer, All-Knower”. This indicates a kind of warning, which in turn indicates that divorce is disliked by Allaah (makrooh). But there may be some cases in which divorce is inevitable, and even essential. In the case which you mention, divorce may be the appropriate solution, because it is unthinkable that a wife would treat her husband in such a bad way as you describe in your question. A woman could say or do something to offend her husband, but to be constantly ungrateful is very strange. But before divorce, you have to try to reconcile first, and put up with the woman. If she has some bad characteristics, you will also find some good qualities, so you can put up with the bad characteristics because of the good ones. See questions no. 20044 and 2076. If you can get some relatives involved to solve the problem, then do so, as an act of mercy to this poor girl who will suffer – no matter what the situation – from the bitterness of separation and the break-up of the family. If divorce is the final solution, and you have exhausted all possible solutions, then pray istikhaarah (asking for guidance) and consult others, and put your trust in Allaah. With regard to the matters that she has referred to the court, this may be a request to the qaadi (judge) to compel the husband to divorce her by talaaq or it may be khula’, depending on the situation. If she is going to give the husband some money or return the mahr to him in return for getting a divorce, then this is khula’; if she is not going to pay anything then this is talaaq, if it takes place. With regard to custody, the basic principle is that the mother has more right to custody, so long as there is no 26

impediment to that. If there is any impediment, such as the mother marrying someone who is a stranger (nonmahram) to the child, or the mother’s character or attitude is bad, then custody passes to the mother’s mother according to the majority. If the mother’s mother is the same (i.e., of bad character etc) then custody passes to the father. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was of the view that in the case of a dispute between the mother’s mother and the father, custody should be given to the father, because he is closer to the child. This view was also favoured by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen in his commentary on the chapter on custody in Zaad al-Mustaqni’. We have already discussed this in detail in question no. 5234, 9463, 8189, and 21516. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 45600: Her husband only gives her maintenance, and he lives far away from her. Can she ask for a divorce? Question:

Peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah, I have been divorced (with talaaq) two times. The first time was because I asked my husband to give me and my children just one day each month when we could sit together, against his wishes and those of his family. The second time was because he loves another woman and he humiliates me in front of my children, and he shows favour to her and does not care about my feelings or the feelings of my children. He tells her that he loves her on the phone, where I can see and hear him, even though he is not married to her. Now he had traveled and left me alone with our children, and he has no connection with us apart from some money which he sends via his family. If I get divorced, will Allaah compensate me with 27

something better and make me independent of means by His bounty, and will He compensate me for the wrongs that have been done to me by this hard-hearted man? Or will that mean that I am not content with the decree of Allaah? Do I have the right to have a husband with whom I can live in love, mercy and tranquility, or do I have to put up with living a life of humiliation, me and my children, for the sake of this monthly allowance that he sends via his family in order to humiliate me even further? Am I regarded as patient or as weak and broken because I have put up with this life for 11 years for fear of the word of divorce?. Answer:

Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: Allaah has permitted a man to have several wives, and has forbidden men to mistreat their wives. If a man wants to have more than one wife, then he can keep the first wife on a decent and reasonable basis, or he can let her go in a kindly manner. It is not permissible for him to keep her married to him whilst forsaking her and not giving her her rights. It is not permissible for him to be negligent with regard to his family and the upbringing of his children. Plural marriage has not been prescribed in order to destroy families, rather it is prescribed to build families and increase their numbers. This forsaking of his wife and negligence is haraam for him, even if he had another wife according to sharee’ah, so how about if he is forsaking his wife and neglecting 28

his family for an illegitimate reason such as a haraam relationship and corrupt desires? Secondly: The wife has the right to ask for a divorce from her husband if she cannot bear his bad treatment. This does not mean that she does not accept the decree of Allaah. Indeed in some cases it may be haraam for her to stay with a husband who commits major sins and whose children are not safe from his evil influence and bad treatment. As divorce is allowed in Islam and it may even be obligatory to ask for a divorce in some cases, there is no need to think that this may go against belief in the divine will and decree, because Allaah has decreed both marriage and divorce. The wife has the right to live with her husband and be treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and to have a husband with whom she can feel happy and who will be like a garment for her, so that there will be love and compassion between them. This is the reason for which marriage was prescribed, and if anything detracts from what we have mentioned, then it is contrary to the reason for which marriage was prescribed. Hence the husband should choose a woman who is religiously-committed, and fathers and guardians should marry their daughters and female relatives under their care to men who are religiously-committed and of good character, because if the Muslim household is established on the basis of the laws of Allaah, no wrongdoing or cruelty will be seen in it. If a wife dislikes her husband for a legitimate shar’i reason, then she can ask for divorce (talaaq) or can divorce him by khula’, and if he dislikes her he can divorce her by talaaq and give her her rights in full. He should either retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness. 29

If divorce takes place, then Allaah may decree that she finds a good, righteous husband, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “But if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty” [al-Nisa’ 4:130] Thirdly: Some woman stay and put up with their husbands because of the possibility that Allaah may reform them, or so that he will remain in contact with his children and take care of them and spend on them. If a long time goes by and he does not reform or he mistreats his wife and children too much, and she has sufficient money to spend on herself and her children, then there is no point in her staying with him. Rather the right thing to do is to rid herself of him so that she can live a better and more decent life, and raise her children to obey Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). You should take stock of yourself and repent to Allaah for any sins or transgressions that you may have committed against the rights of Allaah or the rights of your husband, or anyone else. Perhaps what has happened to you may be a punishment for a sin that you have committed, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much” [al-Shoora 42:30] Think long and hard about your situation and how likely it is that you may find a husband after him or live a peaceful life without him. Consult people around you who 30

are close to you and are sincere. I advise you, if they agree with you, to divorce him if the situation is as you describe in your question. So pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance, and if you feel at ease with the idea of divorce then go ahead, and ask Allaah to make you independent of means by His bounty. We ask Allaah to set your affairs straight and to relieve your distress and reconcile between you if that is better for you both. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 38245: Her father tries to hit her and prevent her from fasting Question: I have done things that are haram but this month i feel very close to Allah that I decided to keep all my fasts(inshallah if allah allows by health)My question is my father this month of bless has made my life harder for which i was going to stop fasting so i can go out and walk around cause i cannot stay home he had tried to hit me.my mother works so i will be alone with him, and I decided i would never let him take away my month of ramadan so i continue to fast but now i go out in my lobby and sit outside from the time i wake up till the time he leaves the house which is almost near sunset,,i feel sick cause im anemic and i have allergies that dont go away. I wanted to know what hes doing is haram or it holds nothing against him by Islam and allah?when he sees me out he laughs at my pain please answer I would greatly appreciate it cause i feel i am hopeless. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 31

Firstly: You should praise Allaah for having guided you and brought you back to Him. You have to observe the fasts that Allaah has enjoined upon you, even if your father dislikes that, because there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. Secondly: You say that you feel ill and that you suffer from anaemia and allergies. In that case you have to refer to a trustworthy doctor and ask him whether fasting is harmful for you or not, and whether there is any hope of a recovery from this disease or not. If fasting will harm you because of this sickness, or will make the sickness worse, or delay recovery, or make it very hard for you to fast, then Allaah has made things easy for you and has allowed you not to fast. So you should not fast, and you should make up the days that you do not fast after you recover, in sha Allaah. But if this sickness is ongoing and there is no hope of making up the fasts, then do not fast, and you have to feed one poor person for each day that you do not fast. See question no. 12488. Thirdly: The father has to look after his family properly, and tell them to do what is enjoined upon them and not to do that which is forbidden. If he falls short in that then he is exposed to divine wrath and punishment. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded” 32

[al-Tahraam 66:6] The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no person whom Allaah appoints in charge of others and he dies having betrayed his charges, but Allaah will forbid Paradise to him.” Narrated by alBukhaari, 6731; Muslim, 142. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock… The man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock…” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 844; Muslim, 3408. Each person who was in a position of authority and responsibility – including fathers – will be questioned as to whether he did what was required of him, or not? It is well known that blessings and reward will result from this questioning, if he did what was required of him, and that he will deserve to be punished if he was careless and negligent. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. If the father’s negligence is compounded by his having forbidden his family to do good things or things that are obligatory, then his sin will be even greater. Allaah has told us that this is the characteristic of the hypocrites and evildoers, who enjoin evil and forbid good. He says (interpretation of the meaning): “The hypocrites, men and women, are one from another; they enjoin (on the people) AlMunkar (i.e. disbelief and polytheism of all kinds and all that Islam has forbidden), and forbid (people) from AlMa‘roof (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do), and they close their hands [from giving (spending in Allaah’s Cause) alms]. They have forgotten Allaah, so He has forgotten them. Verily, the hypocrites are the Faasiqoon (rebellious, disobedient to Allaah)” [al-Tawbah 9:67] 33

You have to be patient and seek reward, and continue to advise your father. Seek the help of righteous people among your family and relatives in doing so, and pray for him to be guided aright. You should beware of staying outside the home when there is no need, because of the harm and fitnah (temptation) that may result from that. If you need to go out, or are forced to do so, then you should observe correct shar’i hijaab. In question no. 6991 you can find out the conditions of correct shar’i hijaab. We ask Allaah to protect You and to guide your father to the right way. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 32450: Her husband repented from taking drugs then he went back to it. Does she have the right to seek annulment of the marriage? Question: I am married for 5 years with 2 kids. Before our marriage he was once a drug addict but he has leave his pass and turn to a new life.On our first year of marriage, he has stop working and spent all his time on religion. He is a follower of a group called Tabligh. He spent his time going for 3 days every month, 40 days every year & at he mosque most of the time.As a result,I hv to bear all the household & my children expenses. He has not given any nafkah for the past 4 years as he is not earning anything.I tolerated all this since I still love him. Unfortunately,lately he has been lying to me. He has gone back to drug and I did not even know the reason for him taking it. He was once a 34

loving husband has turn to a wife beater.He has left me with debts and I have to sell our house in order to pay the debtors. I and my children have gone back to my mother’s house.He was caught las month and will be inprison for 1 year or so. My question is, since I have suffered enough, I have decided to divorce him by taking fasakh.Am I at the right path. All I wanted is to start my life fresh with my two kids.For your info, he has beg me to wait for him and not to leave him. But I don’t think I can as I do not trust him anymore. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Our sister, may Allaah grant you relief from your distress, make things easier for you, and guide you to that which is good. One of the decrees of Allaah is that He tests His slaves in this world to see if they are patient and content (with His decree). “Great rewards come from great tests. When Allaah loves people, He tests them, and whoever accepts that earns Allaah’s pleasure, and whoever is angry with that earns Allaah’s wrath.” (Hadeeth narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2396; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 146). So be patient and seek reward. With regard to what you mention about your husband, it is regrettable. He has committed three haraam actions: 1 – Not spending on you and your children. The husband is commanded to spend on his wife and children. If he 35

fails to do that then the wife has the right to refer the matter to the court, and she may also ask for divorce. 2 – His neglecting to look after his household and children is a sin on him, even if he claims that this is for the sake of da’wah, because his soul has a right over him, and his wife has a right over him, and his Lord has a right over him. He must give each of them his right. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) regarded neglect of those who are under one’s care as a sin, and he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is sufficient sin for a man to neglect those whom he supports.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 1692; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1484. Raising children and looking after them and the house is a trust that rests on the father’s shoulders. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock… the man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for his flock.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 893; Muslim, 1829. Please see also questions no. 20064 and 45359. 3 – Taking drugs is a haraam action, and indeed is a major sin. It corrupts a person’s religious commitment and his worldly interests, as well as damaging the body and mind, wasting money, and destroying honour. It includes all kinds of evil. So beware of opening the door to it and falling in its trap. How many households has it destroyed, how many people has it killed, how many blessings has it ruined, how much calamity has it brought about! When people fall into the trap of drugs, hardly any are

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saved therefrom, except those upon whom Allaah bestows His mercy and guidance. With regard to your desire for divorce, if your husband is sincere in his repentance and truly regrets what he has done, and is determined to reform himself, and if you still want him, then be patient and seek reward for staying with him. Perhaps Allaah will reform him, especially if he has asked you to stay with him and to wait for him. The fact that you have children together may also make you think more carefully before you ask for a divorce, because it is better for children to be raised with both their father and their mother than for them to be raised by one parent only. If the man is sincere in his repentance and his regret (of the past), then it is better for you to be patient and to wait until he comes out of prison, because that is in his interests and in the interests of your children, and also in your own interests. But if you cannot bear to be patient and to stay without a husband for this length of time (one year), or if the man is not sincere in his repentance, there is no sin on you in that case if you seek a divorce, and there is nothing good in your staying with him when he is persisting in that sin. You have to make a great deal of du’aa’ to Allaah, and seek His guidance by praying istikhaarah before you take any step. For information on how to pray istikhaarah, please see questions no. 11981 and 2217. May Allaah set your affairs straight and guide you both to the Straight Path. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

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21515: She feels anxious – what should she do? Question: I have some few question. first i don’t know now a day i feel worried for something that i don’t know. i tryed to forget it but i wouldn’t worked. i really need your helped as a muslim girl (married) what should i do forget it this thing. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The best remedy for anxiety is remembrance of Allaah (dhikr), and regularly praying on time, and avoiding too much free time. Allaah says concerning dhikr (interpretation of the meaning): “Those who believed (in the Oneness of Allaah — Islamic Monotheism), and whose hearts find rest in the remembrance of Allaah verily, in the remembrance of Allaah do hearts find rest” [al-Ra’d 13:28] and He says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We send down of the Qur’aan that which is a healing and a mercy to those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism and act on it)” [al-Isra’ 17:82] “O mankind! There has come to you a good advice from your Lord (i.e. the Qur’aan, enjoining all that is good and forbidding all that is evil), and a healing for that 38

which is in your breasts, — a guidance and a mercy (explaining lawful and unlawful things) for the believers” [Yoonus 10:57] And He said concerning prayer (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, man (disbeliever) was created very impatient; Irritable (discontented) when evil touches him; And niggardly when good touches him. Except those who are devoted to Salaah (prayers). Those who remain constant in their Salaah (prayers)” [al-Ma’aarij 70:19-23] “O you who believe! Seek help in patience and As-Salaah (the prayer). Truly, Allaah is with As-Saabiroon (the patient)” [al-Baqarah 2:153] When something distressed the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) he would turn to prayer (Narrated by Ahmad and Abu Dawood, 1319; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 4703). And he used to say: “O Bilaal, give the call to prayer (iqaamah) and let us find rest in it.” Narrated by Ahmad, and Abu Dawood; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 7892. Prayer brings comfort to the heart and is a delight, and is a remedy for worry and grief. Free time leaves the door open to bad thoughts and the distress, worry and anxiety that result from them. 39

Whenever you feel anxious and worried, hasten to do wudoo’ and pray, and read Qur’aan, and keep yourself busy with beneficial actions, especially the dhikrs for morning and evening, and when going to sleep, eating, drinking, and entering and leaving the home. The Muslim who believes in the will and decree of Allaah should not worry about his provision or children or the future in general, because that was written before he came into existence. Rather he should worry about his sins and shortcomings before his Lord, the way of dealing with which is to repent and hasten to do good deeds. Allaah has guaranteed the believers a good life, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)” [al-Nahl 16:97]. For more information see question no 22704 and 21677. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 32725: She is complaining about her husband’s attachment to the Society for the Promotion of Virtue Question: I am a girl who is married to a religiously committed young man, and I am happy with him, praise be to Allaah. 40

He works with some men from the Society for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice. I know that his working with them is regarded as an honour for me and Allaah knows that I am happy when he is able to change some evils. But my problem with him is that he is so strongly attached to them. For example, when we go out for a walk, if he sees something bad he follows it until he can contact some men from the Society and they come. If I argue with him about it, he thinks that I do not want to put an end to evil! Allaah knows that that is not true, but I want him to take it easy. Also, what bothers me about this matter is that he speaks to women a lot, and this makes me crazy and makes me jealous when he says that this one was dressed like this and that one looked like that. Tell me what I should do, may Allaah reward you with good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly we congratulate you on your good attitude of being pleased with what your husband does, which is the work of the Prophets themselves (peace be upon them), namely enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, and calling people to Allaah. We advise you to stand by your husband’s side and encourage him in this work, and not to have any doubts about him or to feel fed up with what he does. With regard to what he tells you about women, it seems that he is telling you because he trusts you, and is not telling you in order to upset you, or to express his admiration for them. Rather he is telling you that in order 41

to inform you of some of the evil actions that people do, so that you can beware of them, or so as to get it off his chest. When some people see evil actions, it affects them deeply, and they need someone to talk to about it so as to get it off their chests. So you should be aware of that and not let the Shaytaan get to you with regard to this matter. There is no reason why you should not advise him with regard to the things in which he is falling short towards you, so long as that is done in the way that is better and without casting aspersions on his decency and morals. Our advice to the husband is to give his family their rights, and to treat them in a reasonable manner. He should respect their feelings and not describe women to his wife; just as a man would not like his wife to describe men to him, so too a woman does not like her husband to describe women to her. He should avoid speaking too much to women, and restrict it only to what is needed in order to change the evil or to draw attention to it, etc, because being too careless and lax about that may lead to bad consequences. And he should strive to lower his gaze, because looking is one of the arrows of Iblees. May Allaah help you both to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 44684: Her son controls her Question: Our problem concerns my husband’s mother. Her youngest son is living with her and he does not do anything 42

for himself and does not work, even though he is in excellent health. He is forty years old and he controls his mother. She does whatever he dictates to her to do. My husband has been spending on them for 35 years. This son of hers incites her against everyone and dictates who she may be pleased with, according to his interests. My husband works abroad and I cannot visit her because he does not want me there. She threw me and my children out and she is foul-mouthed and does not fear Allaah. They visited me when my husband was here and she and her son attacked me and tried to hit me, and they managed to hurt me. My husband and my son who is a university student defended me. The outcome was that they hurt us, then she went out in the street where she started to scream. She went to the police, and she made a complaint against everyone and demanded that my daughters and I be detained in a place that was not befitting for us. Even the police officer told her that we are respectable. My husband and son were detained and he was supposed to sit exams. His studies have been delayed for a year because of this. After the trial, we paid her the required maintenance; before that my husband used to give her more, but my husband cannot visit her, and the reason for that is that she had her daughter’s husband and his son jailed when they visited her. The problem is that whoever visits her, her son locks the door and calls the police; even her own daughters have the same problem. When her oldest son visited her, he could not enter and her youngest son stopped him and took the money and gifts (that he had brought) and told him, “Your mother will pray to Allaah against you.” I do not know what to do or say. I complain to Allaah of my worries. I would like to visit her and honour her, but they is no way I can do that because they fabricate lies against everyone who visits them. What should I do, knowing that I am a grandmother and I fear Allaah. What can I do and what is the shar’i ruling on this?. 43

Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The way your husband’s mother has behaved is strange. How can her son control her and make her act in this manner? But despite all that your husband has to honour his mother as much as he can, and Allaah does not burden any soul beyond its scope. If he can visit her when this son is not present, that is good. If he can keep in touch with her by phone, then let him do so, and explain to her what he feels, this is good as well. If he can get some people to intervene, women and others, who can influence his mother, then let him do so. And he should seek the help of Allaah and make a lot of du’aa’. The fact that your husband defended himself in court and in front of the police is also good. If he takes his brother who wronged him to court to stop him from doing more harm, that is permissible, but if he bears it with patience that is better for him. Trying to get your husband’s mother away from this oppressive brother (as described in the question) is a good idea, so as to remove the means that your brother is using to try to control the whole family. There is nothing wrong with you stopping visiting her for now, until things settle down, so that you will not be harmed again as happened before, especially since your husband’s mother is not one of your relatives with whom you are enjoined to uphold ties and honour them. If you do not visit her this is not regarded as disobedience or severing of family ties. Yes, you will be rewarded for visiting her and treating her kindly, if you do that sincerely for the sake of Allaah, and this is part of treating your husband kindly, but it is 44

not obligatory for you to do that, especially since she is badly behaved and has a bad attitude. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 26282: Bringing servants from abroad Question: What is the ruling in islam about serving the inlaws if husband is making good money can he get a servant for his wife even though his parents did not like this but wife is very busy with the little kids and cleaning the house and husband does not have any time to help. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is much that could be said about female servants and the bad consequences of bringing them from abroad and letting stay in Muslim homes. Hence the Muslim should not resort to bringing servants to live in the home, especially if there are adolescent boys in the house. If the servants are not Muslim, then it is even more definite that they should not be brought into the home. The regrettable consequences of such actions are greater than can be enumerated. The one who brings in a servant also commits other haraam actions, such as bringing her from her country without a mahram; causing her to be alone with nonmahram men in rooms and houses; and looking at her and vice versa. Hence our scholars have warned against employing servants except in cases of necessity. 45

Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih ibn ‘Uthaymeen said: Firstly: We should not employ female or male servants except in cases of necessity. That is because bringing these servants involves spending money that a person does not need to spend. It was proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade wasting money. Secondly: Some of them are not honest enough to deserve the trust we place in them, hence I say that we should not bring male or female servants from abroad unless the following conditions are met: With regard to women: Firstly: The female servant should have a mahram with her, because it is not permissible to bring her to the country otherwise. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “No woman should travel without a mahram.” If a woman is brought in and has no mahram with her, this is going against the prohibition of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Secondly: There should be a need for her services. If there is no need and the only reason for bringing her here is to live a life of luxury and have no obligations, or to make life easy for his wife even though the housework is not much, then the issue is subject to further discussion. The third condition: There should be no fear of fitnah (temptation). If a man 46

fears that he or one of his sons – if he has sons – may be subject to temptation, then it is not permissible for him to expose himself to that. The fourth condition: She should adhere to what is required of her of hijab, so she should cover her face and not uncover it. It is not correct to quote as evidence the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover, apron), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons, or their (Muslim) women (i.e. their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves whom their right hands possess” [al-Noor 24:31] and it is not correct to interpret that as meaning that it is permissible for a female servant to uncover her face in front of her male employer, because the one who hires a servant does not own her (as in the case of a slave); rather she is a hired worker employed by him, and a hired worker is like any other non-mahram female when it comes to hijab. The fifth condition: He should not be alone with her. If there is no one else in 47

the house with him, it is not permissible for him to employ her at all. If there are other people in the house with him but the household members go out from the house and leave him alone with this servant, that is not permissible, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should be alone with a woman unless her mahram is present.” As’ilat al-Baab al-Maftooh, no. 619 He also said: Bringing a female servant from her country without a mahram is haraam, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should travel alone without a mahram.” But if she is already in the country and he brings her to work as a servant in his house, if she is going to come to the house, do what is needed then go back to her own house, there is no doubt that this is permissible, but if she is going to stay in his house, this is a dangerous matter, especially if he has adolescent sons, for then there is the fear of immorality as has happened on some occasions. But if he does not have adolescent sons, then we hope – in sha Allaah – that there is nothing wrong with that, but it is better to avoid that and for her to stay elsewhere and come to do her work in the morning or afternoon and then go back. As’ilat al-Baab al-Maftooh, no. 526. In conclusion: because of the shar’i restrictions that we have noted above, and because there is no need in your case – since the parents do not want to bring a servant – then we do not advise the brother to bring a servant. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 48

32731: He is complaining of a problem between his wife and his sisters Question: My sisters do not like my wife and are always causing problems. Please advise me: should I cut off ties with my sisters or with my wife?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah has enjoined upholding of family ties and kind treatment of one’s wife. We will never tell you to sever your ties with your sisters or with your wife. Rather we tell you: bring them together and do not make the division worse. Love comes from Allaah. He has created causes of love and causes of hate. So you have to look at your relationships and seek out the causes of hate and enmity so that you can remove them. And you should try to bring in the causes of love so as to encourage it. These causes include: greeting with salaam, giving gifts, visiting people when they are sick, helping at times of need, and many other things which Islam tells us strengthen bonds and generate love among people. In order to calm both sides down, you also have to remind each of them of Allaah and His warning against gossiping, insulting, slandering and interfering in people’s private affairs. Adhering to the limits set by Allaah and giving each party their rights, and respecting the rights of the other party and not belittling them or annoying them, will also 49

guarantee happiness and peace in the house and in your relationships. You have to advise your wife and your siblings to treat one another well, and try to remove the problems and disputes that exist between them. If your wife and siblings are living in the same house, there is nothing wrong with you giving your wife her own accommodation, if you cannot reconcile between them. Indeed, this may be a means of removing the disputes between them. Our advice to your wife is that she should be friendly towards her husband’s family and treat them kindly as much as she can, without doing anything that is forbidden according to sharee’ah. Respecting her husband’s family will make the relationship between her and her husband remain as good as it can be. May Allaah help you all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. May He guide you to the best of words and deeds and attitudes. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

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Chapter 2 40278: He consummated the marriage with her and found that she was not a virgin even though she has never committed any immoral action Question: I am a Muslim woman, and I fear Allaah in all my deeds. I got married – praise be to Allaah – to a man who is good in all ways; he treats me well and I treat him well, our relationship was excellent in all ways, love, respect, harmony and love for one another’s families. But then things started to go wrong. These days my husband and I found out that I was not a virgin, but I am certain that I am innocent because no one ever touched me before him. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If your husband is wise and religiously committed, and he trusts you a great deal, then what he should do is to believe you when you say that you are innocent of any wrongdoing, especially since the breaking of the hymen may be caused by many things, not necessarily by committing the sin of fornication. This is if we accept what you have discovered about your not being a virgin. It may be that intercourse has taken place between you but the hymen was not broken, and so there was no bleeding, because of the nature of the hymen. It may be that the hymen is flexible and cannot be broken by intercourse, and requires medical intervention, as is well known to the experts in this field. The hymen is simply a physical sign which cannot be considered proof of whether the woman is a virgin or not 51

or whether she has committed an immoral act or not. Hence we find that in court, usually the absence of the hymen is not regarded as grounds for making accusations against the woman, because it may be broken for many reasons. So the fact that the hymen is present is not a positive indication that a woman is a virgin, and its absence is not a positive sign of the opposite. We advise you to refer to a female doctor to make the matter clear, because there may be many reasons why the hymen is broken. We hope that your husband will understand this matter and will not be hasty in judging you. You should be aware that one of the aims of the Shaytaan is to cause division between husbands and wives, because of the great evil that results from that affecting families and individuals, as we see in the hadeeth of Jaabir who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Iblees placed his throne on water then he sends out his emissaries, and the closest of them to him in status is the one who causes the most fitnah (tribulation). One of them comes and says, ‘I did such and such,’ and he says, ‘You have not done much.’ Then another of them comes and says, ‘I did not leave him alone until I caused division between him and his wife,’ and he draws him close to him and says, ‘How good you are.’” Muslim, 5023. So he should close this door to the Shaytaan and avoid thinking about this matter, so long as this matter is not definitive and you are certain that nothing bad happened. We ask Allaah to guide him and to reconcile between you. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 52

40233: Her friend keeps company with men and commits sins, and she refuses to accept advice. What is to be done? Question: I am a university student. I have a friend who does not pray regularly. She is stubborn and does not accept advice, and she listens only to songs. She has a bad friend whom she refuses to keep away from. She does not go home during vacations unless this friend also goes home. Through circumstances at the university she has gotten to know a group of young men, claiming that she is helping them. She corresponds with them and talks to them. When she goes out she has to adorn herself and put on perfume, even though she knows the ruling on that. We have tried to advise her but she refuses to take out advice. What can I do to help her?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: Studying in a mixed environment is haraam, and it causes a great deal of mischief in society. What the sister says in her question is only a small part of the results of forbidden mixing. We advise everyone who wants to protect himself and not to fall into that which Allaah has forbidden to keep away from these mixed places as much as possible, whether that is for study or for work, because of the things involved that go against sharee’ah and because of the evils to which they may lead. Secondly: 53

What the questioner has mentioned about her friend is very unfortunate; we ask Allaah to guide her and bring her back to the right path. Your duties towards her are to offer sincere advice and guidance, and to remind her of Allaah and that death is real, and that this world does not last. Allaah has created Paradise for those who obey Him, and He has created Hell for those who disobey Him. If she responds to the advice then praise be to Allaah. If she insists on committing sin and following the path of the Shaytaan, then Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “The duty of the Messenger [i.e. Our Messenger Muhammad whom We have sent to you, (O mankind)] is nothing but to convey (the Message)” [al-Maa’idah 5:99] “And remind (by preaching the Qur’aan, O Muhammad), for verily, the reminding profits the believers” [al-Dhaariyaat 51:55] “So remind them (O Muhammad) — you are only one who reminds. 22. You are not a dictator over them” [al-Ghaashiyah 88:21-22] “O you who believe! Take care of your ownselves. If you follow the (right) guidance [and enjoin what is right (Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do) and forbid what is wrong (polytheism, disbelief and all that Islam has forbidden)] no hurt can come to you from those who are in error” [al-Maa’idah 5:105] Try to look for righteous friends who can help you to adhere to the truth. Beware of sitting with bad 54

companions, for Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And it has already been revealed to you in the Book (this Qur’aan) that when you hear the Verses of Allaah being denied and mocked at, then sit not with them, until they engage in a talk other than that; (but if you stayed with them) certainly in that case you would be like them. Surely, Allaah will collect the hypocrites and disbelievers all together in Hell” [al-Nisa’ 4:140] And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 27265: His brother only treats his parents in a harsh manner, and he is afraid that he has been bewitched Question: I am concerned about my eldest brother’s behavior towards his family (mother, father, brothers and sister) There is a great change in his behavior, he doesn’t talk with anyone, says hurtful things to his parents, and resents them, while he is nice to others. I am suspecting his wife for doing some magic on him, please advise if my gut feeling is right, then what is the solution. Please do advise. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah has obliged sons to honour their parents and He has forbidden them to disobey them. We have discussed some of their (parents’) rights in the answer to question no. 5053. 55

What you have said about your brother’s treatment of your parents is an evil action and is a major sin. You have to advise him and remind him of what Allaah has enjoined upon him towards his parents and relatives. It is not permissible for you to accuse others of practicing witchcraft against your brother. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned us against suspicion, and told us that it is the falsest of speech. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of suspicion, because suspicion is the falsest of speech; do not spy on one another, do not pry into others’ affairs, do not hate one another; be brothers.” Narrated by alBukhaari, 4849; Muslim, 2563. So you have to look for the reasons why your brother is doing this to you. There may be causes that you can put a stop to and help him to overcome. If there is no apparent reason, there is nothing wrong with asking someone whose religious commitment and knowledge you trust to recite ruqyah for him and find out what is going on. If he finds out that he has been bewitched, then you have to treat him with remedies that will remove that sihr (magic), remedies that are proven in the Qur’aan and Sunnah. Whatever the case, such a situation requires deliberation and wisdom in your dealing with him. Whether he is disobeying his Lord by treating his parents badly or he has been bewitched, he is sick, and the sick person needs to be treated kindly in order to find the most suitable remedy for his condition. We ask Allaah to set the affairs of all the Muslims straight. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 56

23362: She is upset by her husband’s many guests who come all the time Question: My husband likes to invite people all the time in our house. this causes me a great deal of inconvenience and upsets me as it takes out of our private time as a couple. to what extent we are obliged to our guests? and what is our rights and responsibilities towrads our guests in islam?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It was narrated that Abu Shurayh al-‘Adawi said: I heard with my own two ears and I saw with my own two eyes when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke and said: “Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour his neighbour; whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him honour his guest as he is entitled.” It was said, ‘What is his entitlement, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “[The best treatment] for one day and one night; and hospitality is for three days, and anything after that is charity bestowed upon him. And whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him, speak good words or else remain silent.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5560; Muslim, 69. This version was narrated by al-Bukhaari. The guest has rights, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. There should be no doubt about this matter. If guests come without being invited, they should be honoured, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. Yes, if they are bad friends or are those who have nothing 57

better to do and impose themselves on others all the time, then they should be treated in a manner that befits them, because they annoy the people with their actions. But if it is your husband who is inviting a lot of people to your house, then in this case you should speak to him in a gentle manner, and come to an agreement about how to invite people, so that he will not invite anyone without speaking to you first, and you can agree to reduce the number of invitations in a suitable manner. You – may Allaah bless you – should not express displeasure to your husband when the guests are there, because this is something that will make matters worse and will not solve the problem. You have to be patient, because patience is the key to finding a way out. Strive to create a calm atmosphere in your house, with good words and kind treatment. Some husband may resort to inviting a lot of friends over in an effort to relax, because their wives may not be good at creating an atmosphere that suits their husbands, so that makes them look for this atmosphere with their friends. So try to understand your husband’s nature so that you can create a suitable atmosphere that will make him happy and relaxed, which is what is he is looking for with his friends. We ask Allaah to set things straight between you, and to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 11458: Their father is active in da’wah but they are complaining about his bad treatment of his family Question: My father goes with jamaat etc, and spends a lot of time in markez and mosque. But when he is home he is only 58

arguing with his family. Especially his wife, he treats her as the lowest thing on earth, and he never lkistend to her. He evenmade her break contacts with her side of the family, and she is very hurt and cries a lot. In his eyes he is better than her family etc. He never listens to any of us. He says what he says is right and that Islam agrees with him. This is not right because Islams shouldnt agree with anyone, we should agree with Islam. And Islam does not teach to not listen to your wife and argue and not treat your wife in a right way. We do not know what to do, it is like he is terrorising us. He neve speaks to any of us in a normal way, its only like get me this or get me that, and else he will only but comment us for anything, like why are you holding a pen like that, the strangest things. But the most is that he is hurting my mum, by acting like this, and she is already ill. I am desperate, and so is my family, we dont know what to do. Please help us as son as you can, please. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Muslim must develop a good attitude and commendable conduct. He has to avoid the things that incur the wrath of Allaah, and say only that which is best. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And say to My slaves (i.e. the true believers of Islamic Monotheism) that they should (only) say those words that are the best. (Because) Shaytaan (Satan) verily, sows a state of conflict and disagreements among them. Surely, Shaytaan (Satan) is to man a plain enemy” [al-Isra’ 17:53] The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The believer does not slander, curse, 59

or speak in an obscene or foul manner.” Narrated by alTirmidhi, 1977, from the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood. Classed as saheeh by Ibn Hibaan, 1/421; alHaakim, 1/57; al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5381. It was narrated that Abu’l-Darda’ (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Allaah hates the obscene, foul-mouthed person.” Narrated and classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi, 2002. Al-San’aani said: This hadeeth tells us that swearing and cursing are not characteristics of the true believer, but an exception is made in the case of cursing kaafirs, drinkers of alcohol and those whom Allaah and His Messenger cursed. Subul al-Salaam, 4/198. So the believer has to develop the attitude described in the Qur’aan, and the attitude exemplified by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), especially towards his family. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “The best of you is the one who is best to his family.” Al-Shawkaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Here we are told that the best of the people are those who are best towards their families because the family are the ones who most deserve to cheerfulness, good attitude and kindness; benefits should be brought to them and harm warded off from them. If a man is like that then he is the best of people, but if he is the opposite then he is the worst type. People often make this mistake, so you see a man who, when he meets his family he treats them in the worst and most unkind manner, and when he meets strangers who are not part of his family, he is gentle and 60

polite and kind to them. Undoubtedly a person who is like that is deprived of divine support and is going astray from the straight path. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound. Nayl al-Awtaar, 6/360. The group with whom your father is going out is well known for having and promoting good characteristics, so the basic principle is that he is like that too, and that he fears Allaah. We say to you – if what you say about your father is true – that this is a test, and you have to be patient and pray that Allaah will guide him to the best of attitudes and characteristics. Patience undoubtedly brings a great reward. His wife must also be patient and put up with her husband’s annoyance, and obey him with regard to that which Allaah has permitted. If he is forbidding her to visit her relatives for a legitimate shar’i reason, then he has the right to do that, but if there is no legitimate reason then she has to obey him, but he is sinning, and the wife will be rewarded in sha Allaah. More advice may be found in the answer to question no. 482. We advise you to look at that, and we advise both husband and wife to read the answer to question no. 10608, which explains the rights of each spouse over the other. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 13436: Is there any hadd punishment or expiation for masturbation? Question: I would like to know.Due to masturbation I broke my 61

hymen.Does this makes me a zaniya.Do i have to be punished with hundred lashes or is there any other punishment for this in our religion.And if there is please let me know and I also want to know can I marry a chaste person after indulging in masturbation so many times.Please answer in accordance with Quran and Sunnah. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: The secret habit (masturbation) is haraam, as we have explained in the answer to question no. 329. You have to repent from this action and give it up, and regret what you have done, and resolve not to go back to it. There are many punishments for the sinner in this world, let alone the punishment that he deserves in the Hereafter. We have already mentioned some of these punishments in the answer to question no. 23425. So hasten to repent sincerely before you are no longer able to do so, and before you feel regret at the time when regret will be to no avail. If Allaah honours you by enabling you to repent, you will be forgiven for this sin, and it will be as if it never happened. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who repents is like the one who did not sin.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 3427. Secondly: Breaking the hymen as a result of this action is not zina, and no hadd punishment or expiation (kafaarah) is required. 62

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked about masturbation and he replied: With regard to masturbation, the basic ruling is that it is haraam according to the majority of scholars, and the one who does it should be given a ta’zeer punishment, but it is not like zina. And Allaah knows best. Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/439. Thirdly: If it is obvious that the hymen has been broken as a result of masturbation, then you have to tell your fiancé what happened to you, without giving any details that may cause you embarrassment. It is sufficient for him to know that this happened without any fornication, because the hymen may be broken because of exercise, being beaten, falling or being sick. You will never be exposed if you repent to Allaah and are sincere in your repentance, for Allaah is the Concealer and loves concealment. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 27152: Her uncle sexually abused her and this has affected her psychologically Question: My uncle(mother’s brother) used to come to my house once in a while. i have been molested by him when i was about 12. That time i didn’t know how to handle it. i couln’t tell it to my mother as i was scared. After i crossed 15 he stopped. this has been troubling me for a long time. 63

i never mentioned about this to anyone. sometimes i cry thinking about it. is their any dua that would help me here. one thing i know is i didn’t commit any sin here expect for not telling my parents. and Allah knows how much this incident has affected my soul.. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Undoubtedly what your uncle did is a crime that deserves punishment in this world and torment in the Hereafter. Many people’s religious conscience has been weakened by what they see and read, which provokes their desire, so they fulfil their desires in ways that Allaah has forbidden. One of the most abhorrent and evil examples of that is incest between a man and his mahrams (female relatives to whom marriage is forbidden), which is deserving of a severe punishment in the Hereafter. Your mistake was not telling anyone in your family so that they could put a stop to what this uncle was doing. But because that is in the past and has now ended, and you hated the situation from the outset, there is no sin on you now. You have to try to forget the evil thing that he did, and learn a lesson from it for the future, for yourself and your children. We advise you to pray to Allaah and ask Him to relieve you of your worry and take away your distress. Some du’aa’s that have been narrated in the Sunnah are as follows: (a) It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say: “Allaahumma inni a’oodhu bika min al-hamm wa’l-hazn wa’l-‘ajz wa’l-kasal wa’l-bukhl wa’l-jubn wa dala’ aldayn wa ghalbat al-rijaal (O Allaah, I seek refuge with 64

You from distress, grief, incapacity, laziness, miserliness, cowardice, the burden of debt and from being overpowered by men).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6008. Ibn Hajar said: The interpretation of these things is: “distress” means bad things that the mind imagines are happening at present; “grief” for what has happened in the past; “incapacity” is the opposite of ability; “laziness” is the opposite of being energetic; “miserliness” is the opposite of generosity; “cowardice” is the opposite of courage. Fath al-Baari. (b) It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no-one who is afflicted by distress and grief, and says: ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka ibn ‘abdika ibn amatija naasyati bi yadika, maada fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka. As’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghayb ‘indaka an taj’al alQur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’ huzni wa dhihaab hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety),’ but Allaah will take away his distress and grief, and replace it with joy.” 65

He was asked: “O Messenger of Allaah, should we learn this?” He said: “Of course; everyone who hears it should learn it.” Narrated by Ahmad, 3704; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 199. So do not give in to the pain of the past and forget yourself. You have to keep yourself busy with acts of obedience to Allaah, such as memorizing Qur’aan, reading books of knowledge and the biographies of the righteous salaf, and look for good friends. We ask Allaah to bless you with that and more. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 33651: Dealing with the fitnah (temptation) of women Question: I have read the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “I have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men than women.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5096; Muslim, 2740. My question is: how can I save myself from this temptation, when I see it everywhere – in the street, on TV, on the internet, at work…?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah has created man in a world of trials and tests, and He has made Paradise the abode of His friends and 66

beloved ones, who preferred His pleasure over their own and preferred obedience to Him over their physical comfort. And He has made Hell the abode of those among His slaves who disobey Him and preferred their own whims and desires to the pleasure of their Lord. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Such is the Paradise which We shall give as an inheritance to those of Our slaves who have been AlMuttaqoon (the pious)” [Maryam 19:63] “But as for him who feared standing before his Lord, and restrained himself from impure evil desires and lusts. Verily, Paradise will be his abode” [al-Naaz’i’aat 79:40-41] And He says concerning the people of Hell (interpretation of the meaning): “Then, there has succeeded them a posterity who have given up AsSalaat (the prayers) [i.e. made their Salaat (prayers) to be lost, either by not offering them or by not offering them perfectly or by not offering them in their proper fixed times] and have followed lusts. So they will be thrown in Hell” [Maryam 19:59] And He says (interpretation of the meaning): “That shall be their recompense, Hell; because they disbelieved and took My Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) and My Messengers by way of jest and mockery” [al-Kahf 18:106] 67

“Then for him who transgressed all bounds, (in disbelief, oppression and evil deeds of disobedience to Allaah). And preferred the life of this world (by following his evil desires and lusts), Verily, his abode will be Hellfire” [al-Naazi’aat 79:37-39] So the Muslim must strive to worship Allaah and keep away from that which angers Allaah, for Allaah will not cause the reward the one who does good to be lost: “As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allaah’s religion — Islamic Monotheism). And verily, Allaah is with the Muhsinoon (good-doers)” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:69 – interpretation of the meaning] One of the fitnahs (temptations) with which we are tested is the fitnah of women, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men than women.” There follow some of the methods by which we can avoid this temptation. We ask Allaah to set the affairs of the Muslims straight. 1 – Faith in Allaah. Faith in Allaah and fear of Allaah provide a safety valve and protect a person against committing haraam actions and following his own whims and desires. If the believer becomes aware that Allaah is always watching and if he ponders the meanings of His names and attributes, such as the All-Knowing, the All-Hearing, the All-Seeing, the Watchful, the Reckoner, the Preserver, the All-Encompassing, that will generate fear of Him in 68

secret and in public, and will put a stop to disobedience towards Allaah, and will reduce the strength of desire that leads many people to commit haraam actions. 2 – Lowering the gaze and avoiding looking at haraam things The gaze can generate bad thoughts in the heart, which then lead to ideas and then to desires, then to will and resolve, and then inevitably to doing haraam things. Think about the meaning of this verse which makes a connection between the first steps towards haraam and the end result. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is AllAware of what they do” [al-Noor 24:30] Ibn Katheer said: “This is a command from Allaah to His believing slaves, to lower their gaze and avoid looking at that which is forbidden to them so that they only look at that which they are permitted to look at. If it so happens that a person’s gaze accidentally falls upon something haraam, he should turn his gaze away from it quickly. 3 – Warding off evil thoughts Bad thoughts pose a danger to the heart… If a person dwells on them and does not push them away, they will develop into an idea, then into will and resolve, then this will inevitably lead to haraam actions. Beware of dwelling on passing thoughts; rather what you must do is to ward them off and crowd them out with good thoughts. The treatment, then, is to ward off these passing thoughts and keep yourself busy with beneficial thoughts. 69

4 – Marriage It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, and whoever cannot, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065. 5 – Fasting for those who cannot afford to get married – because of the hadeeth quoted above, in which it says, “…and whoever cannot, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065. Al-Qurtubi said: The less a person eats, the weaker his desire becomes, and the weaker his desire is, the less sins he commits. 6 – Keeping away from bad companions. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man will follow the way of his close friends, so let each one of you look at who he takes as a close friend.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 8433; classed as hasan by alAlbaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 4046. 7 – Keeping away from places of temptation. It is obvious that we are living in a society that is filled with temptation – media of all types, magazines, flirting in the marketplaces, satellite TV, the internet, etc… So you have to flee from all of these in order to keep your religious commitment sound. 8 – Do not make your houses graves. Make your house a reminder of obedience, not of sin. If a room is connected to sin for example, that will make a person commit sin repeatedly, because every time he 70

enters that room he will remember the sin and may be provoked to commit the sin again. So he should make his room and his house a reminder of obedience to Allaah, so when he enters he sees the Mus-haf which he reads, and he remembers praying qiyaam al-layl for Allaah, and the regular Sunnah prayers that he offers in this room. Doing a lot of acts of worship in your house will make a connection in your mind between the house and doing good deeds, so you will do more and will think less of sin, and the calls of desire will grow less. 9 – Trying to make the most of your time in worshipping and obeying Allaah. Time is one of the great blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon His slaves, but there are many who are not making the most of it. It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Two blessings which many people do not make the most of: good health and spare time.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6412. See also question no. 3234. 10 – Remembering the blessings of the Hereafter. Particularly appropriate in this context is remembering al-hoor al-‘iyn and their attributes, whom Allaah has prepared for those who are patient and steadfast in avoiding sin. This can help the Muslim to look at these transient haraam pleasures which only lead to regret and loss. We ask Allaah to help us to avoid temptation, both obvious and hidden. Praise be to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 71

27107: She is married to a Muslim and hijab is putting her off Islam Question: My husbad is Muslim and has talked frequently about me becoming Muslim myself. I just have one concern... the women being covered. Why do they need to cover themselves and only reveal what is odinarily revealed. I am American, we reveal almost the entire body here. I just want to get an understanding. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There can be no doubt that Allaah only enjoins that in which there is wisdom, but in some cases the wisdom behind some rulings may be hidden from people, and in some cases it may be quite obvious – such as the prohibition on alcohol which clouds the mind and hinders people from the remembrance of Allaah and from prayer [cf. al-Maa’idah 5:91]. The wisdom behind the prescription of hijab is one of the most clear, because it is a covering for woman and guards their chastity, and it prevents the foolish from making approaches and harassing them. How often has a woman’s hijab prevented the devils among mankind from harrassing her? How often have unveiled women made a display of their beauty and charms, which has led to their being harrassed by the foolish? Concerning this, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except 72

the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever OftForgiving, Most Merciful” [al-Ahzaab 33:59] This verse gives the complete answer to your question, because Allaah mentions here the command to His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to tell his wives and daughters and the believing women to wear hijab, and it mentions the wisdom behind that, which is so that they may be protected and not exposed to annoyance. When women go out showing most of their bodies – as the questioner mentions – this is one of the greatest causes of crime and corruption of men’s morals, and of the spread of immorality. It is also degrading for woman, as we see women becoming cheap products for business-owners and advertisers, who show woman half-naked and devoid of modesty in order to attract customers and market their products. A woman’s body belongs to her and is not to be shared with people. When she gets married it belongs to her husband and she should not let anyone else have a share in it. What does a woman want when she shows her body and exposes her charms to onlookers? Does she just want them to look and stare, and what is the affect of that on rapists and the foolish? How are you going to stop them from getting what they want by attacking you and trying to rape you. Are you going to show some meat to the hungry and then try to stop them from eating it? In a modern study it was shown that: 65% of female workers are exposed to sexual harassment in their place of work in some European countries. 73

18% of women in America have been raped or been subjected to attempted rape at some stage in their lives. More than half of victims were under the age of 17. Kitaab Ihsaa’aat, Diraasaat, Arqaam (p. 140). Islamic sharee’ah brought that which is best for men and for women, and for the family and society. It does not impose restrictions on women as some enemies of Islam claim. Islam allows women to work, seek knowledge, engage in business, testify in court, uphold the ties of kinship, visit the sick, and so on, but it has set limits regarding her going out in order to protect her and to prevent the foolish from harassing her. We say to the questioner: Many western women, when they think about it and come to know the reality of Allaah’s laws concerning women, do not hesitate to declare their Islam and enter into the religion of the Prophets and the righteous. In Islam, women are protected and looked after. That is not in return for her staying in the home only, rather that is because she plays a great role, which is taking care of her husband and raising and caring for children. This is an important role, because the soundness or corruption of society depends on the extent to which mothers are successful in their raising and teaching of their children. One of the largest British insurance companies carried out a study on one million housewives, which produced amazing results. This study showed that the average fulltime housewife spends 19 hours per day meeting the needs of her family, because she is the one who is raising the children, teaching them, looking after family members when they fall sick, and is responsible for the household budget. 74

In addition to that – looking at what the houswife’s value from a purely materialistic point of view, far removed from any emotional criteria – a woman who stays at home is the most valuable thing the family can have. Op. cit., p. 118, 119 It has become clear to many wise women the serious danger posed by the false freedom that they are enjoying and they have finally realized where this path will lead them. It is stated in another study that: 80% of American women think that the freedom that women have gained in the last 30 years is the reason for the promiscuity and violence that are prevalent nowadays. 75% feel worried about the loss of values and the disintegration of the family. 80% have great difficulty in combining their responsibilities at work with their responsibilities towards their husbands and children. 87% said that if the clock was turned back they would consider the demands for equality as a social conspiracy against the United States and they would resist those who raise the banner of equality. op. cit., p. 147 All it needs is for you to think about the matter a little, and look at real life, and you will see that hijab spares women from evil, harm and crimes. Islam has closed the door to such evils with its laws, including the requirement for women past the age of puberty to wear hijab. Finally we would like to congratulate you on the fact that Allaah has granted you a Muslim husband, so that you will be able to see Islam in practice from him and his 75

Muslim relatives, which may encourage you to enter Islam and which may remove the barrier of fear about entering this great and purely monotheistic religion. Also note that entering this final religion, which Allaah wants for all people, is a great honour of which you may be deprived if you delay and death then overtakes you. So hasten to enter Islam, with submission to the will of Allaah, with eagerness and delighting in this blessing of Allaah. You should note that if you fall short in your observance of hijab because your human weakness or you feel embarrassed in front of your people, this is regarded as a sin. That should not prevent you from doing the great good deed which will lead you to Paradise and save you from Hell, namely embracing Islam. You should also note that the Shaytaan (Satan) is the enemy of all the sons of Adam, and he is the one who is stirring up these doubts in order to prevent you from entering this religion, so that he can increase the number of those who will follow him to Hell. So be strong and courageous in making the decision that will lead to eternal happiness, by Allaah’s leave. We ask Allaah to help you and to give you the will power to enter Islam as our sister in Islam, and to share this blessing. We thank you for your confidence in us. And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight path. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 20927: She is jealous because her husband cares more about his sister than her Question: I never used to quarrel with my husband before.i love him very much.i have 5 month old baby.i’m very worried 76

now thats why i’m requesting your kind suggesion. my husband has a sister she with her husband and three children resides near our flat.whenever i my husband his sister and her husband goes out to buy things my husband and she will go together without minding me and her husband.she used to call my husband everyday in his office.she want him to ask her oppinion in every matters.so sometimes i feel very bad and quarrel with my hus.i know thats not good for a mulim woman so i used to ask him to forgive me. she used to tell him things like her daughters periods and all.she used to complaint her husband in most of the matters.is it correct. i want to know whether a man has more responsibility for his sister (who got married and an earning husband)than his wife? please give your valid oppinion.may allah bless you&may your every good wishes come true. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: The relationship between a man and his family should not get in the way of his relationship with his wife and children. The smart wife is the one who is keen for her husband to develop a strong relationship with his own family and for there to be friendship and love between them. She should not be an obstacle in the way of the happiness of her husband’s family. The smart wife is wise in her dealings if she sees some shortcomings in the way he treats his children and wife, and she is wise if she sees him exaggerating in his concern for his family at the expense of his wife and children. So she makes him aware of his mistake by hinting, not by stating it bluntly, and she advises him without hurting his 77

feelings, and shows him the right way without making him feel that he is wrong, letting him feel that she loves his family and cares for them. A woman should not think that her husband’s care for his family will make him fall short in his duties towards her and his children. There is a difference between a husband falling short in his duties towards his wife and children and his loving his family. What makes a man care for his family is his love for them, not his negligence towards his wife and children. Secondly: Your husband has rights and you have duties. Each of you should do that which is enjoined upon him or her by sharee’ah. Sharee’ah cannot make a man stop loving his family because he has got married, and we cannot ask him to suppress his feelings for the sake of his wife and children. They were his family before he got married and they will remain his family after he gets married. You have to try hard to deal with your own feelings, and advise your husband when he falls short in his duties towards you and his children. You do not have the right to denounce him for his love for his sister or his family. There is the fear in such situations that the man will say, “I can find a thousand wives but I cannot find another brother or sister.” So beware of making the matter reach that state. At the same time we advise the husband to be pay attention to his wife’s feelings and to take care of his wife and children. We also advise the sister to give her brother similar advice. Islam enjoins doing that which is in the interests of all concerned, so that they may share in building the family, 78

not destroying it. All of us must do the duties that Allaah has enjoined upon us, without exaggeration or neglect. And Allaah is the Guide to the straight path. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 33713: She has the bad habit of nail biting Question: This is one question which i think will help many of your clients..im a nail biter, and a chronic one too. no matter how hard i try, i havent been able to give up this awful habit. Ive heard that nail biting is deeply disliked in Islam, but nobody has been able to give me any substantive reasoning to prove this. Can you please guide me here?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The doctors say that the phenomenon of nail biting among children is connected to psychological problems. If you have had this problem since you were small, then we advise you to consult a psychologist whom you trust with regard to his religious commitment and knowledge. From the point of view of sharee’ah: Islam brought the best of attitudes and habits, and forbids bad attitudes and habits. This habit – nail biting – is disliked by most people and they regard it as a bad habit. 79

This is in addition to the physical harm that it may do, because of the dirt that collects under the fingernails and the damage that this may do to the nails and teeth. Hence you should make yourself stop this habit. That may be difficult in the beginning, but you will get used to it and it will become a habit after that. This is the case with all good attitudes that a person can make himself do until they becomes a habit and second nature for him. As the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Knowledge comes by learning and patience comes by making oneself be patient.” classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2328. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 39214: Possession and the illusions and facts that are connected to it Question:

I have been suffering from jinn possession for nearly two years, and am not cured. What is strange is that I can feel them in my body and can control them to some degree, such as when I hear Qur’aan, I feel pain from them starting in my stomach but I am able, by Allaah’s leave, to make them stop moving. I believe that they will never leave unless Allaah wills it. So I pray to Allaah and I do not go and look for someone to perform ruqyah by reciting Qur’aan. Praise be to Allaah, I am righteous by the grace of Allaah, but sometimes I commit some sins. What is the reason for that? What advice can you give?. 80

Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There are some facts and some illusions connected to the issue of jinn possession, and among most people nowadays the illusions outweigh the facts. The Sunnis are unanimously agreed that the jinn can dwell in the bodies of humans, but that does not mean that everyone who has epilepsy is possessed by the jinn, because epilepsy may have physical causes. The pains etc. that many people feel in their bodies cannot be ascribed for certain to the actions of the jinn, rather they may be illusions or something imaginary. So you should not pay any attention to the whispers of the Shaytaan that make you think that he has done this and that you can control it. This is one of the ways in which the Shaytaan deceives the Muslim and makes him think that he can control him, and that he has powers that in fact he does not possess. This may lead to bad consequences as has happened to many people. You have to keep on treating yourself with ruqyah, for the Book of your Lord is available to you. Recite from it and treat yourself with ruqyah. Whether you are possessed or not, you will undoubtedly benefit from this reading and ruqyah. For more information please see question no. 3476. If you go to someone who is known for using ruqyah as prescribed in sharee’ah and is also righteous and keeps away from deviance and myths, there is nothing wrong with that and it may be a means of your being healed from this problem. You have to seek the help of Allaah and pray to Him and beseech Him to prevent the plots of the devils among mankind and the jinn from harming you. Man is always 81

in need of his Lord, and Allaah is Able to rid you of these thoughts, illusions and facts that are harming you. And Allaah knows best.ISlam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 20849: He married a second wife and they became Muslim – what should he do with his first wife? Question: I would appreciate if you can give an immediate answer to this question which has been bothering my new brother who just professes his faith in Islam. A man has had a relationship with a woman bearing 2 children during their marriage relationship way back on their own country. In the course of time, the man got a job in Saudi Arabia for contractual basis, leaving his wife and children behind. At the time the man was working in Saudi Arabia, he met a woman and had a relationship with her which bores them 1 child. A civil marriage ceremony was consumated without the knowledge of the first wife which he leave in his own country. Now, the couple who both works in Saudi Arabia recently embraced Islam. Since both are new in the religion, fearing they might commit sins/wrongs which is against the teaching of Islam, could you please give us your advise on the following: 1. what is the Islamic ruling about the relationship mentioned? 2. what is the man’s responsibility as far as to his 2 children from the first wife, and what is his responsibility now to the first wife? 3. what sins are committed and what to do to avoid this 82

sins? Further, please give Islmaic advice as regards the siutation stated above. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: We praise Allaah for having guided them to Islam, and we ask Allaah to make them steadfast in Islam until death, so that they may attain the Paradise of Allaah and His good pleasure. We give them the glad tidings that Islam erases whatever sin came before it. No matter what sins a person may have committed, if Allaah then blesses him with guidance to Islam, then he will become cleansed and free from sin as on the day his mother bore him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Say to those who have disbelieved, if they cease (from disbelief), their past will be forgiven” [al-Anfaal 8:38] “If they cease” means if they give up their kufr or disbelief by submitting to Allaah alone, with no partner or associate. Tafseer al-Sa’di. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Islam erases whatever came before it” (narrated by Muslim, 121) – meaning, of sin. Secondly: A man does not have the right to form a relationship with a woman who is a stranger (non-mahram) to him. If something of that nature happened before they got married, it is a sin which is recorded against them. If that 83

happened before they became Muslim, then Allaah has forgiven it when they became Muslim. If that happened after they became Muslim, then they have to repent from that. Allaah has promised to accept the repentance of the one who turns to Him in repentance. He says (interpretation of the meaning): “And He it is Who accepts repentance from His slaves, and forgives sins, and He knows what you do” [al-Shoora 42:25] “And He it is Who accepts repentance from His slaves, and forgives sins, and He knows what you do” [Ta-Ha 20:82] For more information on repentance and its conditions, please see question no. 13990. Thirdly: There is no sin involved in a man’s marrying a second wife. Allaah has permitted a man to have up to four wives, if he is able to treat them fairly and give them all their rights. He does not have to inform his first wife of his desire to marry a second or that he has already done so. Fourthly: With regard to the man’s duties towards his children and first wife, he has to spend on them according to their needs. What really matters is that he should try to guide them and save them from the Fire, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who 84

disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded” [al-Tahreem 66:6] So he must do all that he can to call his wife to Islam and to advise her, and encourage her to embrace Islam. If she refuses then he can still remain married to her and not divorce her if she is from among the People of the Book (i.e., Jewish or Christian). But if she is an idol-worshipper then it is not permissible for her to remain the wife of a Muslim, so in that case he has to divorce her. Please see also question no. 9949. It should be noted that if one of the parents becomes Muslim and his children are still small (i.e., below the age of adolescence), then they are judged to be Muslim because of his becoming Muslim. But if they are adults or have reached the age of adolescence, then that is not the case. See al-Mughni, 13/115; Ahkaam Ahl alDhimmah by Ibn al-Qayyim, 2/507. Based on this, if the small children know that Allaah has blessed him and them with guidance to the true religion, then he has to teach them about tahaarah (purity, i.e., wudoo’) and prayer, and other rulings, so that they will grow up with it and get used to doing it, following the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old and smack them if they do not do it when they are ten, and separate them in their beds.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 495; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5868. See also question no. 10016. He should not stay here for work and leave his young 85

children exposed to loss and deviation; he should try to bring them here to be with him, so that he will be able to do that which Allaah has enjoined him to do of bringing them up well. If he cannot bring them here then he should be in constant contact with them, corresponding with them and guiding them. It is not permissible for him to neglect them and leave them to be lost. He will be responsible for them on the Day of Resurrection. We also encourage our new brother and his wife to learn the rulings of Islam by reading and asking knowledgeable people and reading useful Islamic sites on the internet, and to apply whatever they have learned in the required manner. We ask Allaah to make them steadfast and help them to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 20910: Her husband is forcing her to wear niqaab and she wants advice Question: I wear Hijab but do not wear Niqab, my husband says that if I do not start covering my face then he will divorce me. He says that whatever he asks me to do I should do. I do not want to disobey my husband but to wear niqab would cause me great hardship and sadden me deeply. I guess it is due to lack of eeman that I feel this way but feel that he is trying to force me to do something that I do not want to do. Can you please advise me on this matter. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 86

The evidence of the Qur’aan and Sunnah indicates that it is obligatory for women for cover their faces. This evidence includes the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way)” [al-Ahzaab 33:59] The cloak (jilbaab) is a garment that the woman places over her head and lowers over her face. So you have to fear Allaah in this matter and respond to two commands: the command of Allaah and the command of your husband. Undoubtedly this will be very good for you. This matter will make your husband happy and bring happiness to your home. Feelings of difficulty will pass if you are patient and get used to it. These feelings of difficulty will turn to joy when you see the effect that your way of dressing has on him, so you will be responding to Islamic commands and the command of your husband which is in accordance with the laws of Allaah. You will be closing the door to the shaytaans of those who may look at you, and will also be protecting the gaze of chaste and good people from looking at something which they are not permitted to see. And there are other benefits which you will see and appreciate when you respond to this command. Sisters who wear niqaab often come to regret the years in which they used to uncover their faces, after Allaah honoured them with the niqaab. If one of them were to be given all the wealth in the world to uncover her face, she would not do it. We have even seen many chaste women who have left their husbands because they wanted them to take off the niqaab. So think about the great difference 87

between your situation and theirs. Where now can we find a man who is keen to keep his family chaste and covered? There are very few of them. Should we disregard these few or should we appreciate their actions which spread good in society? We remind you to fear Allaah, and we remind you of the actions of the believing women when they responded to the command of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms)” [al-Noor 24:31] al-Bukhaari (4481) narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “When this verse was revealed, the muhaajir women took their waist wrappers and tore them at the edges, and covered their faces with them. See also the answer to question no. 21134, which explains the obligation of women covering their faces. Your husband should also read question no. 20343, which explains the husband’s duty to offer sincere advice to his wife, and ways of doing that. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 34222: She complained about her friend and her brother has forsaken her Question: I have a friend whom I have known for 18 years. One day I thought that she was speaking on the phone with a man, and I was afraid for her because she is very respectable. I 88

told my younger brother about that, seeking his advice, but after a while I found out for sure that she was innocent, and I had been too hasty in speaking to my brother. The problem is that my brother has become suspicious of me and he can hardly bear to have anything to do with me. I do not know how to solve this problem. Do I have to offer kafaarah (expiation)? What should I do with my brother?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If you spoke about your friend out of fear for her and hoping to save her, then there is no sin on you, but you should have waited and should not have been so hasty. You do not have to offer kafaarah or do anything else, unless you got carried away in speaking about her and said something about her that she dislikes, in which case you should tell her and seek her forgiveness for backbiting about her. If she has heard what you said about her, then you have to apologize to her and ask her to forgive you. If she did not hear of what you said about her, then do not tell her, rather make a lot of du’aa’ for her, pray for forgiveness, and speak well of her and mention her good points to those to whom you spoke about her. We ask Allaah to forgive us and you. See also the answer to question no. 6308. With regard to the problem of your brother’s doubts about your behaviour, this may be solved by asking Allaah to guide him and to make him stop that. Then you should adhere to Allaah’s command of hijab, lowering the gaze, and avoiding non-mahram men. Do a lot of naafil prayers and fasts, and give in charity. Try to speak to him frankly and warn him against being suspicious of you. 89

Undoubtedly if your brother sees that you are righteous he will no longer doubt you, and that suspicion will disappear from his heart, in sha Allaah. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

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Chapter 3 20798: She wants to run away from her father who hits her Question: I would be grateful if u answer my problem.my 16 year old female cousin lives currently in the us with her parents & older brother.as due to the country’s law no one can hurt her,but her family is planning to go to their homeland for a visit & she is sure that her father will hit her & her mother,as he did before,or marry her of without her consent.her father’s side of the family will do nothing & her brother joins in hitting her.i or my family can do nothing to stop this.she is so sure that they will abuse her that she plans to runaway prior to their departure,live with a female friend & never return.i told her that this is against our relegion but she wiling to take the risk of living on the street than being alone with her father.if i tell my family she will never trust me.only u can tell me what a muslim girl is to do.please reply before its to late. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible for your cousin to run away from her family and live with another family, because that involves disobeying her parents and upsetting them and damaging their reputation. Moreover her living with a strange family will pose a great danger to her and her religious commitment. No matter how badly she is treated by her family, that cannot compare with what she is planning to do. No woman follows this course but she goes astray and loses 91

her religious commitment. That is the punishment for disobeying her parents that comes in this world, before the Hereafter. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Two things for which the punishment is hastened in this world: injustice and disobedience to parents.” Narrated by al-Haakim and classed as saheeh by alAlbaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 2810. She may come to regret it at the time when regret will be to no avail, when her father or mother dies angry with her. So she must go back to her family and honour her father and treat him kindly. If he causes some annoyance let her bear it with patience and seek reward. She should understand that the fire of this world is not like the Fire of the Hereafter, and that no matter what hardships she endures in this world, if she earns the pleasure of Allaah and enters Paradise, she will indeed have succeeded, and no matter what comforts of this life she enjoys, if she then incurs the wrath of Allaah and enters His Fire, she will indeed be doomed. She should regard the harm that her family does her as being like a sickness that cannot be warded off. She does not know, perhaps she may suffer diseases and pains that are many times worse than that harm, as a punishment for her disobedience and her living with someone other than her family. She should strive to make du’aa’ and turn to Allaah, asking Him to guide her parents and her brother, and to help her to find a righteous husband. If her parents insist on marrying her to someone who is not suitable for her, she may refer the matter to the sharee’ah court; the same applies if her father refuses to 92

marry her to a compatible man who comes to propose marriage to her. She does not have the right to arrange her own marriage without the permission of her wali (guardian). If she does that her marriage is invalid because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2085; al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Ibn Maajah, 1881, from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If the marriage has been consummated, the mahr is hers because she has allowed the man to be intimate with her. If there is a dispute, then the ruler is the wali of the one who has no wali.” Narrated by Ahmad, 24417; Abu Dawood, 2083; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 2709. The point is that you should strive to advise your cousin of what we have said here. If she insists on running away from her family, you have to tell them about that, so as to prevent this great evil from happening, even if that leads to her not trusting you in the future. Denouncing evil is obligatory upon the one who is able to do it, and what you do will be good for her. Her father should also be advised and reminded of Allaah, and warned against mistreating his children unlawfully. This is the kind of wrongdoing which will be darkness on the Day of Resurrection. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 93

34151: His wife is weak in religious commitment – what should he do? Question: I am a young man, thirty years old. Before I got married I was not committed, but now – praise be to Allaah – I have been blessed with guidance. I got married to a girl who graduated from the Faculty of Islamic Studies and I was happy about that because I thought that she would help me to obey Allaah. But after getting to know her, I found out that she is a very ordinary girl and she is not committed at all, and she has many negative qualities, such as: She cannot denounce any evil action, whether major or minor. Rather she even does some evil actions such as watching TV, gossiping, and doing few acts of worship. But she also has some good qualities, such as being good and patient, and she performs all her wifely duties and takes care of the house. What upsets me is that I wanted someone who would help me to be more committed by marrying a woman who was religiously committed, but I found that the one who I thought was religiously committed needs someone to help her. This is my problem. I hope that you can help me find a solution. Thank you very much. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The problem that you describe is one that is faced by many young men who thought that their wives could learn and 94

make da’wah, and that they would strive hard in worship and help their husbands to be religiously-committed, no matter how much the husband fell short in that. But in fact the wife cannot be influenced by anybody as much as her husband. So if the husband does not set a good example, the wife’s commitment will soon become weak. This is what usually happens. This does not mean that there are not good situations in which the woman is the example who leads her husband along the path of guidance. The fact that you have found out that your wife is an ordinary girl does not mean that you have failed, and it should not be a cause of regret. Rather that should be a motive for you to seek the reward for calling her to guidance. What you have mentioned of her good qualities will help you to achieve that, in sha Allaah. So you should be the one who calls her, reminds her and advises her… fill her free time with beneficial things such as tapes, books and magazines. Do not give up on rebuking her if she gossips or watches TV, but do that in a gentle, compassionate and loving manner. Try to make her join an organization for memorization of Qur’aan, or get her to attend public lectures with you, or to form ties with some righteous families. These are the best ways in which you can help your wife to strengthen her faith. Perhaps what you mention about her not worshipping much is related to your own shortcomings in that regard, or to your neglecting to get her to join in. Try to help her and remind her of the virtue of naafil prayers, the reward for praying qiyaam al-layl and fasting. Do as many of these acts of worship with her as you can. 95

Be the qawwaam (leader; protector and maintainer) of your wife, prevent her from doing haraam things or doubtful things. Ask of Allaah, saying, “Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the Muttaqoon (the pious)” [alFurqaan 25:74 – interpretation of the meaning]. We ask Allaah to set your affairs and the affairs of all the Muslims straight. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 21052: Whispers from the Shaytaan Question: A waswasa is disturbing that maybe the rules of shirk which apply in this world do not apply in the universe. Somewhere else in the universe there might be a place where the dead can hear and help, where going to the graves is a form of worship etc. Please help me with to fight this waswasa. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. One of the means that the Shaytaan uses to misguide people is by casting doubts and whispers (waswaas) into their hearts. The Messenger of Allaah peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has warned us against some of these things. It says in the hadeeth: “The Shaytaan comes to any one of you and says, ‘Who created such and such? Who created such and such?’ until he says, ‘Who created 96

your Lord?’ If that happens to you, seek refuge with Allaah and give up these thoughts.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 3277 The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught us two important things: 1 – To turn to Allaah and seek His protection, and to beseech Him, for He is the most Generous: “And if an evil whisper comes to you from Shaytaan (Satan), then seek refuge with Allaah” [al-A’raaf 7:200 – interpretation of the meaning] 2 – To put a stop to this matter and turn away from it, and to keep ourselves busy with other, useful things. The companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to him complaining about the doubts and waswaas that they were suffering. In Saheeh Muslim it is narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “Some of the companions of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to him and said, ‘We find in our hearts things that none of us dares utter.’ He said, ‘Do you really find that?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘That is clear faith.’” (2/153). What is meant by his saying ‘That is clear faith’ is that their hatred of that waswasah and their rejecting it was a clear sign of faith. The Shaytaan only whispers to people of faith; as for the kaafir he comes to him however he wants and does not limit himself to waswaas, rather he toys with him however he wishes. The belief concerning which there can be no doubt is that 97

the entire universe, from its heights to its depths, is in a state of submission to Allaah and no one in the universe possesses any power. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Say: (O Muhammad to polytheists, pagans) Call upon those whom you assert (to be associate gods) besides Allaah, they possess not even an atom’s (or a small ant’s) weight either in the heavens or on the earth, nor have they any share in either, nor there is for Him any supporter from among them. Intercession with Him profits not except for him whom He permits” [Saba’ 34:22-23] This crafty enemy is keen to misguide people and to make them doubt. The more you seek the help of Allaah, learn about your enemy and be prepared to face him, the more you will be victorious over him. If you know your true enemy, the following are the weapons at your disposal. Firstly: Adherence to the Qur’aan and Sunnah in word and deed, and keeping away from the paths of misguidance, for on every path there is a devil calling people to it. So you should follow the beliefs, words, acts of worship and laws that have come from Allaah and abstain from that which He has forbidden. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Enter perfectly in Islam (by obeying all the rules and regulations of the Islamic religion)” [al-Baqarah 2:208] Silm (translated here as Islam) refers to Islam. Muqaatil 98

interpreted it as doing all kinds of good and righteous deeds. Whoever gives up any part of Islam has followed in some of the footsteps of the Shaytaan. Adhering to the Qur’aan and Sunnah in word and deed expels the Shaytaan annoys him greatly. Muslim narrated from Abu Hurayrah: “When the son of Adam recites a verse of sajdah and prostrates, the Shaytaan withdraws weeping, saying, ‘Woe to me, the son of Adam was commanded to prostrate, and he prostrated, so Paradise will be his; I was commanded to prostrate and I disobeyed, so Hell will be mine.’” Narrated by Muslim, no. 133. Secondly: Seeking refuge with Allaah from all kinds of evil and turning to Him. Islam teaches us to seek refuge with Allaah in certain situations, such as the following: When entering the washroom: “Allaahumma inni a’oodhu bika min al-khubthi wa’l-khabaa’ith (O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from the male and female devils).” When one is angry: “A’oodhu Billaahi min al-Shaytaan ir-rajeem (I seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan).” When having intercourse: “Bismillaah Allaahumma jannibna al-shaytaan wa jannib al-shaytaana ma razaqtana (In the name of Allaah, O Allaah, keep the Shaytaan away from us and keep the Shaytaan away from that which You may bless us with).” When stopping in a place: “A’oodhu bi kalimaat-Allaah il-taammah min sharri ma khalaqa (I seek refuge in the perfect words of Allaah from the evil of that which He has created).” 99

When hearing the braying of a donkey: “A’oodhu Billaahi min al-Shaytaan ir-rajeem (I seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan).” When starting to read Qur’aan: “A’oodhu Billaah ilsamee’ il-‘aleem min al-Shaytaan ir-rajeem (I seek refuge with Allaah, the All-Hearing, All-Knowing, from the accursed Shaytaan).” After starting to pray: “A’oodhu Billaah il-samee’ il‘aleem min al-Shaytaan ir-rajeem wa min hamzihi wa nafakhihi wa nafthihi (I seek refuge with Allaah, the AllHearing, All-Knowing, from the accursed Shaytaan, from his madness, his arrogance and his poetry).” The best words with which we may seek refuge with Allaah are al-Mi’wadhatayn i.e., Soorat al-Falaq and Soorat al-Naas. It was narrated from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you not see the verses that were revealed to me tonight, the like of which have never been seen? Qul ‘aoodhu bi Rabb ilfalaq and Qul ‘aoodhi bi rabb il-naas.” Narrated by Muslim, 814. Thirdly: Keeping busy with dhikr, for this is the greatest thing that may protect a person. In the hadeeth it says that Allaah commanded Yahya (peace be upon him) to enjoin five things upon the Children of Israel, one of which was: “I command you to remember Allaah, for this is like a man who is being pursued by the enemy, then he comes to a strong fortress and saves himself from them. Similarly a man cannot save himself from his enemy except by means of dhikr.” Narrated by al-Haafiz Abu Moosa al-Madani in al100

Targheeb fi’l-Khisaal al-Hameedah wa’l-Tarheeb min alKhilaal al-Murdiyyah. Ibn al-Qayyim said: Shaykh alIslam used to regard this hadeeth highly, and I heard that he used to say: “The evidence for its being sound is quote clear.” al-Waabil al-Sayyib, 60. Fourthly: Adhering to the main body of the Muslims (the jamaa’ah) by living in a Muslim land and choosing righteous friends who will help him to do good. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever among you wants to attain the best part of Paradise, let him adhere to the main body of the Muslims, for the Shaytaan is with the one who is alone but he is farther away from two.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2254. Al-Qaari’ said: its isnaad is saheeh. Al-Mubaarakfoori said: The entire hadeeth is either saheeh or hasan. Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 6/320. Fifthly: Opposing the Shaytaan, for he may come in the form of someone offering sincere advice, so we must go against him. For if he were really good he would be good to himself first, but he has caused himself to be doomed to Hell. So if he comes to you whilst you are praying, and says, “You are showing off (so cut your prayer short),” then make your prayer lengthy. If he says, “You have broken your wudoo’,” say, “You are lying”. If he says to you that the dead can hear you and benefit you or harm you, tell him, “You are lying.” When you eat, be different from him and eat and drink with your right hand, and take food with your right hand. This even applies to taking a siesta, as it says in the hadeeth: “Take a siesta for the devils do not take a siesta.” Narrated by Abu Na’eem with a saheeh isnaad. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4/147. 101

Even with regard to a piece of food that falls to the ground, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Pick it up and do not leave it for the Shaytaan…” Narrated by Muslim, 12, al-Adaab. Sixthly: Repenting and seeking Allaah’s forgiveness. According to the hadeeth the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Shaytaan said to the Lord of Glory: ‘By Your Glory O Lord, I will keep trying to misguide Your slaves so long as their souls are in their bodies.’ The Lord said, ‘By My Glory and Majesty, I will continue to forgive them so long as they ask My forgiveness.’” Narrated by Ahmad in al-Musnad and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2/32 So man should always be in a state of repentance and turning to Allaah. They have an example in their father Adam (peace be upon him): “Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If You forgive us not, and bestow not upon us Your Mercy, we shall certainly be of the losers” [al-A’raaf 7:23 – interpretation of the meaning] These are some of the means that will help you to ward off this waswaas. We ask Allaah the Almighty, by His most beautiful names and sublime attributes to grant us refuge from the madness of the devils and from their traps and whispers. Praise be to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

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20607: Family problems caused by husband’s brother Question: I have a brother in law who is always at my house on the phone with my husband or pulling my husband to go out with him he can’t seem to do anything without him, its gotten to the point where I cant stand to see him anymore. I feel he puts thoughts into my husbands head and he takes him away from his responsibilities to me and our three sons we have an active life with the three boys and I always get the short end I love to do things for them all but sometimes I’d like my husband to be with us but usually this means his brother will tag along or he’ll constantly call untill he reaches us. I’ve had major fights with my husband because he thinks its ok to say no to me because I will understand and forgive him but his brother will pout for a long time. I think he should be more committed to us and not his brother if he wants us to survive as a family. As a muslim women, am I asking for to much or does his brothers feelings come first?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The husband has to understand that Allaah has enjoined upon him to take care of his children, to bring them up properly and to look after their affairs. He has also enjoined upon him to treat his wife in a good and kind manner. Allaah will question him about every shortcoming with regard to these duties on the Day of Resurrection. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and 103

stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded” [al-Tahreem 66:6] “and live with them [women] honourably” [al-Nisa’ 4:19] Secondly: The husband should not allow into his life anything that may come between him and his taking care of his family, such as working continually, or allowing friends or relatives to take all his time or interfere in his family’s affairs. Nowadays the Muslim cannot find enough time to do all the things that Allaah has enjoined upon him, so how can he waste his time with other things at the expense of these duties? Thirdly: The wife should not try to come between her husband and his family. She should not complain about him visiting them or their visiting him, unless he is giving that priority over the duties that Allaah has enjoined upon him. The father should not give anyone priority over his children, whether that is his brother or any other relative. Hence there is no need to cause a split and break the family ties between your husband and his brother, or between the children and their paternal uncle, because that will have a far-reaching effect on their relationships with other people and with their relatives. Fourthly: 104

We advise you to be kind and gentle towards your husband, and to show him that you have nothing against his relationship with his brother. Do not cause your children to dislike him. If you see any shortcoming on your husband’s part with regard to his shar’i duties towards you, then denounce that and remind him in a manner that is better, without being too harsh. You can do that by hinting rather than stating it bluntly, unless there is a need for that. We have seen similar cases in some families where the wife had another member of her family staying with them for some reason. So we think that the husband’s treatment of his family will get better if he sees his wife treating his family in a better manner. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 26192: Her sister does not pray and does not behave properly Question: What should i do of my younger sister. She does not offer any prayers, she is always telling lies and fighhting.The whole house is sick and tired of her. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We appreciate your getting in touch with us, and we ask 105

Allaah to guide us and protect us from the evil of our own selves. With regard to your sister’s situation, it is the same in the case of many young people these days. We ask Allaah to guide them and us. Our duty towards them – as it seems to be – is as follows: Firstly: we should turn to Allaah and ask Him to guide them, for He is the controller of the hearts. Perhaps a du’aa’ from the heart will be the cause of her happiness in this world and in the Hereafter. Secondly: you should stop dealing with her on the basis that she is a child or that she does not know what is in her best interests. People – especially in adolescence – like the people around them to make them feel that they are important; they do not like people to treat them as if they are still children. Thirdly: try to get her in touch with righteous young women, and keep her away from her friends who are not good, even if that means changing her school. That should be done without her realizing what is going on, because otherwise she may become more stubborn which will make the problem worse. Fourthly: You should not look at her with disapproval only, rather you should express your approval of good things that she does and you should give her gifts if she does good things. Fifthly: you could advise her via a person whom she likes, such as a teacher or friend, etc. Sixthly: You should try to give her tapes or books containing teachings in an indirect manner, such as putting them near her or listening to the tape in the car whilst she is riding in it. 106

With regard to her not praying, this is an extremely serious matter. The status of prayer in Islam is that of a foundation on which the entire structure rests. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “The covenant that stands between us and them is prayer; whoever does not pray is a kaafir.” (Narrated by alTirmidhi, 2621; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 2113) And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Between a man and shirk and kufr stands his giving up prayer.” (Narrated by Muslim, 82). So you have to advise her and preach to her and guide her to the right way; for this purpose you may combine encouragement and threat, gentleness and strictness; if the matter requires some harshness sometimes, there is nothing wrong with using it. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and hit them if they do not pray when they are ten, and separate them in their beds.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 495; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 466. This strictness and harshness is only in her best interests. We ask Allaah to set the affairs of the Muslims straight. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 30901: A righteous young man is overwhelmed with worry and anxiety. What is the remedy? Question: There is a young man who is suffering from psychological distress, depression and worry, and he does not know what 107

is the cause. Please note that he prays qiyaam al-layl and fasts a great deal, and he prays (the five daily prayers), but sometimes he sleeps and misses a prayer. He attends Islamic classes and reads books, and he is trying to memorize the Qur’aan, and he listens to Islamic tapes. Despite that he is suffering from depression and worry. Please also note that this young man loves his paternal aunt a great deal and was always helping her, and the aunt is in good health. I hope that you will answer me as soon as possible so that this young man can be helped. Thank you very much. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We are happy to see your concern for this young man and your eagerness to find an effective remedy to offer him in the hope that Allaah will benefit him thereby. By doing that you are strengthening the ties of Islamic brotherhood. We hope that Allaah will reward you for that. You have explained this young man’s situation, and we will reply in the following points: 1 – In this dunya (this world – the name in Arabic carries connotations both of that which is close and that which is base and vile), a man’s life is not consistent, rather his circumstances will vary between that which he likes and that which he does not like. The wise man, when he thinks about this world, will realize that he needs to develop an optimistic outlook and put an end to worries and distress that could disturb him and cause him stress. What the Shaytaan wants to do is to cause the Muslim grief and stress. Being introverted and thinking constantly about pain and sorrow gives the Shaytaan a great opportunity and may cause the worries and stress to 108

multiply. Looking forward to a happy life and being optimistic is one of the means of feeling content and at peace. It is known that this world is a mixture of ease and hardship, joy and sorrow, hope and pain, so why should a person help the dark side to prevail over the bright side? Wisdom dictates that if a man cannot make optimism prevail, then at the very least he should think in a balanced and objective manner. Secondly: Feelings of stress and that life is too hard do not control a man’s mind unless there are reasons that provoke these kinds of feelings. Rather they are indicative that the relationship between a person and his Lord is not sound. The more a man turns to Allaah and focuses on Him, the more he will feel a sense of peace and comfort, to an extent that no one knows except Allaah. Hence those who know Allaah, are close to Him and fear Him are the happiest of people, to such an extent that one of them said, in a well known expression: “If the kings and the sons of kings knew what joy we have, they would fight us for it with the sword.” This is also what is expressed in the Qur’aan, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)” [al-Nahl 16:97] But feeling stressed is a kind of wake-up call that alerts a person to check on his relationship with his Lord, because 109

sins may have the effect of making a person feel scattered and unfocused. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Qur’aan nor acts on its teachings) verily, for him is a life of hardship, and We shall raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection” [Ta-Ha 20:124] There is a great deal of goodness in the young man whom you are asking about, for he is a person who is keen to seek knowledge, and he does naafil acts of worship such as fasting, and he upholds ties of kinship with his aunt. However you must draw his attention to the fact that he has to check on his relationship with Allaah, for there may be some sin that is preventing him from achieving this sense of happiness, some sin that he has committed with regard to the rights of Allaah or the rights of others. So encourage him to repent and seek forgiveness a great deal, especially since you said that he sometimes sleeps and misses the prayer – this is a serious matter although many people take it lightly. Thirdly: It may be that this test of this person through disasters and calamities is something that has been decreed by Allaah for him in order to raise him in status, if he persists in obeying what Allaah has commanded, which is to be patient and accept whatever Allaah decrees. Everything that Allaah decrees for a believer is good for him and his affairs, both spiritual and worldly. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for all his affairs are good, and that applies to no one except a believer. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it 110

and that is good for him, and if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is also good for him.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2999) If something bad happens to a believer, he either bears it with patience or panics. If he is patient he earns a great reward and accepts the will and decree of Allaah, because he knows that it comes from Allaah, so he feels content with it and accepts it. So what reason is there to panic and feel stressed? On the contrary, if he is not patient and he reacts to what befalls him of sin with panic and anger, and worry and stress, he will lose the reward that Allaah has promised to those who are patient. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning” [al-Zumar 39:10] Fourthly: He should sincerely turn towards Allaah and call upon Him (du’a’), beseeching Him to relieve him of this waswaas (whispers from the Shaytaan) and seeking refuge in Him a great deal from the accursed Shaytaan. For it annoys the Shaytaan to see a believing slave feeling peace of mind and contentment, so he whispers to him to distract him from that and make him fearful and confused. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught us a du’aa’ by which we may ward off worries and distress. Ahmad (3528) narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no-one who is afflicted by distress and grief, 111

and says: ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka ibn ‘abdika ibn amatija naasyati bi yadika, maada fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka. As’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghayb ‘indaka an taj’al al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’ huzni wa dhihaab hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety),’ but Allaah will take away his distress and grief, and replace it with joy.” He was asked: “O Messenger of Allaah, should we learn this?” He said: “Of course; everyone who hears it should learn it.” (Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah alSaheehah, 199) Fifthly: Try to suggest that he change something in his daily routine, to allow himself the opportunity to do different kinds of permissible things that will relieve him of boredom and renew his energy. There is nothing wrong with travelling for leisure purposes or to relax, so long he does not go to extremes. Even better than that is if he can travel for the purpose of ‘Umrah and to visit the Prophet’s mosque, because a change of scene can be very beneficial. Sixthly: He has to keep away from places that he feels make his 112

worry and distress worse, or that stir these feeling up again. He should avoid reading novels that tell sad stories, and he should try not to sit with people who are worried and distressed, even if his intention is to console them. On the contrary, he should try to read useful books that will take him away from these worries. If he feels stressed and upset, he should not isolate himself or think constantly about his problems in this situation. Finally: Our advice to this young man is that he should raise his head and look forward, and view the future with optimism and the certainty that he will succeed. I say to him: You have a great deal of potential for success and high achievement, and a lot is to be expected of someone like you. We hope that these troubles and worries will be lifted from you. May Allaah make things easy for you and relieve you of your distress and worry. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 10276: A new Muslimah wants to study but cannot Question: There is a muslim sister who just finished high school last year. and she moved overseas away from her mother to her brother in another country. however she became muslim and the rest of her family is not muslim or followers of any belief. she used to wear hidjab but now she does not wear it properly. there is no excuse for it but she wishes she could get a job that has no problem with her hidjab. and that her 113

brother would not push her to take it off. she has a job, but wants to go to college and get a degree in teaching. That is a problem. Because in her mother’s country, the government loans involve high interest. and the country she is in now, has loans without interest, but she must wait two whole years before she can even apply for such a loan. she does not want to waste her time. she met a pious taxi driver who told her she should not be in such an environment; she should marry as soon as possible. her brother would never let her leave the house and he has a very strong influence. she feels like going back to her mother’s country to study but she does not desire a loan with riba. what do you advise her to do.

Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: Praise be to Allaah Who has guided you to Islam. This is a great blessing that cannot be matched by any other blessing on earth. Secondly: Undoubtedly the committed Muslim who is new in Islam will face some difficulties and problems, especially when they come from a way of life which has to be changed when one enters Islam. As a result, the new Muslim may face some difficulties with his family and the society in which he lives. Thirdly: The new Muslim must look for committed and righteous friends who can help him, teach him and give him advice so that he will not be affected by the atmosphere around 114

him, and so that the Shaytaan or bad friends cannot make him slip or go back to his former ways. Fourthly: I advise this Muslim sister to fear Allaah and to wear proper Islamic hijab. She may face some difficulties but Allaah will help her and will protect her if He knows that she has a sincere and pure intention. Fifthly: I advise her not to go to university because that will lead her to doing some things that are forbidden in sharee’ah, such as dealing with riba (interest) – as mentioned in the question – or taking off her hijab or mixing freely with men. Sixthly: I advise her to look for a Muslim husband who will keep her chaste and under whose protection she can live, as that Muslim taxi driver mentioned to her. She should seek the help of Allaah to achieve that. And she should strive to learn Islam so that she can call others to Allaah and save whoever she can among her family, relatives and society from dying in shirk. This is the best and most important of deeds. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And who is better in speech than he who [says: ‘My Lord is Allaah (believes in His Oneness),’ and then stands firm (acts upon His Order), and] invites (men) to Allaah’s (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says: ‘I am one of the Muslims’” [Fussilat 41:33] I ask Allaah to make you steadfast in Islam and to guide your family. 115

And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 21865: He is afraid of meeting people Question: I am a young Muslim man. I feel afraid of people in general, and this makes me introverted to the extent that sometimes I may be entitled to something but I do not ask for it because I am afraid. I usually avoid people because I am scared they think badly of me. Is there any solution? Does this mean my faith is weak?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Faith becomes weaker as a result of neglecting obligatory duties and doing haraam things. So long as you are doing your duty towards Allaah and heeded His prohibitions, your introversion and keeping away from people, and your fear of them, will not harm you. But if your fear keeps you from doing any obligatory duty then you will have committed sin thereby, for example, if your fear stops you attending prayers in congregation in the mosque, or stops you denouncing any evil action that you could change by speaking out or taking action, or stops you from offering advice that you should offer to those who need it. You should not give in to these fears or accept them, rather you should look for the causes and try to deal with them. It may help you to know that created beings have no power 116

to bring benefit to themselves or to ward off harm, rather if the nation were to gather together to benefit you in some way, they could not do so unless Allaah has decreed that for you, and if they were to gather together to harm you in some way, they could not do that unless Allaah has decreed that for you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried. Everything is in the hand of Allaah, and He is the One Whom you should fear and put your hopes in. The criticism of people has no value and carries no weight; it is sufficient for the believer to attain the pleasure of Allaah even if all the people are displeased with him. Whoever adheres to the command of Allaah and persists in doing so, is the most honoured of people, for Allaah has decreed honour for His believing slaves. As Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But honour, power and glory belong to Allaah, and to His Messenger (Muhammad), and to the believers, but the hypocrites” [al-Munaafiqoon 63:8] The effects of this honour should be manifested in the believer’s words and actions, in all circumstances. He should speak up for the truth, offer sincere advice, remind people and teach them. His approval and anger should be for the sake of Allaah, and he should only get angry when the limits of Allaah are transgressed. This is what a person will be able to do when he becomes aware of his role in life, for he is commanded to worship Allaah and to convey and spread His religion as much as he can. This means that he should mix with people and bear any annoyance they cause with patience, especially close relatives. According to a hadeeth narrated by al117

Tirmidhi, 1307 and Ibn Maajah (4032) from Ibn ‘Umar, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The believer who mixes with people and bears any annoyance they cause with patience, is better than the believer who does not mix with people and does not bear any annoyance they cause with patience.” (This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 6651). Perhaps you can start to get to know some righteous friends with whom you can feel comfortable and secure, who can help you to overcome your feelings of fear of people, and this will help you to find the sincere brotherhood, good treatment, clear goals and sincere intentions that you are missing in the people around you. We also advise you to go to a doctor who specializes in treating psychological illness, perhaps he could help you to solve your problem. We ask Allaah to help you and give you strength. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 21898: She is a new Muslim and is complaining about her husband Question: I am a woman, who al-Hamdulillah, Allah guided to the straight path of Islam. I do my best to follow Allahs deen, but I need some advise on some problems in relation to my husband. I must tell you that the situation in our marriage is somewhat strained. Only a few months ago I came to the 118

point when I asked my husband for a divorce because he neglected his Salaat even though he had been told about his duties, and he also had developed a bad habit of threatening with divorce and actually throwing me out of the house when he lost his temper. But when he realised that I was actually going to leave him, he repented and changed his ways, so I withdrew my question and returned. But there is still some tension between us. This is mostly due to the fact that as it is today, my husbands eeman is weaker than mine. I do not think I am perfect, and I know I also make mistakes. But I constantly see my husband doing things that are wrong (both things haram and makruh), and I cannot restrain myself and not speak to him about it. This is for example like using bad language in front of our daughter, or biting and kissing her in places where she should rather learn shyness, etc. When I tell him that it is not good to do these things, and sometimes I am able to give evidence from Qur’an and Sunna, he will either say that he knows this, and then continue with what he is doing, or become angry and tell me to mind my own business. This is a source of irritation for both me and my husband, and we are losing patience with each other. My question is: What is my test from Allah here? Is it not my duty to inform or remind him of what is right when I know it? Or should I be patient with him and wait till he finds out for himself, because he has started to read Islamic books. The reason I need some advise on this issue, is that my husband is getting quite annoyed with these reminders, and I am losing patience and becoming angry when he doesen’t listen. Please try to give some advise, and please show the evidence from Qur’an or Sunnah that you lay to ground for your advise. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 119

We praise Allaah for having blessed you and guided you to obey Him and please Him, and that your husband has been guided to change the way he treats you. We hope that this will give you hope that your husband will improve and mend his ways, in sha Allah. You should note that a righteous woman can change many of her husband’s attitude and habits, if she goes about doing so in a wise and kindly manner, without being hasty. Some husbands are put off by repeated advice from their wives, especially if that is in the presence of their children, because they may see that as an affront to their dignity or a belittling of their character. Hence you should pay proper attention to that, and choose the right moment to advise him from time to time. You should also be kind and loving towards him when offering advice, in the hope that he will respond. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Revelation and the Qur’aan) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better” [al-Nahl 16:125] And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Kindness is not present in a thing but it makes it beautiful, and it is not missing from a thing but it makes it ugly.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2594, from the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her). The husband is the most deserving of people to be treated kindly, because of his status and position. We advise you to use various means to accomplish your mission, such as giving him some tapes and books, or 120

bringing them home and leaving them near him, turning to Allaah and asking Him to put things right between you and to open your husband’s heart so that he will know the truth and act in accordance with it. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 20088: He fears for the future Question: I have faced this problems a couple month ago. I was sick actually, I went to see a doctor but they said I was in a good health. I do not know how to explain. But shukran, I am better now. I think of death everyday every minutes, this really scared me eventhough I pray to Allah, I think of an accident and how they died, and we do not know our future that is what I think of my self and my family. I pray to Allah to live in piece in this world and to think of HIM every hour. I have a head-ache after that, I can’t work as before. I feel that I am in a different world. Sometimes I ask myself why some of the people died with such tragic. Are they bad or what? Hope your answer will help me feel better and live happily with my family. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. My dear brother, how often we fail to look at things with a balanced view. How often we find problems in our daily 121

lives that stem from the extremes of either concern or negligence. The one who seeks happiness and success in this world has to have a balanced approach without letting the one outweigh the other. In this manner he can strengthen his heart with faith and find peace of mind in doing that which he is required to do. What you are complaining of does not stem from ignorance of the root of the matter, rather it stems from the fact that you are focusing more on fear and the causes of fear and you are forgetting about being optimistic and not paying anyu attention to it. You know that death is an inevitable reality that will come to every living thing, and no one will be spared that, no matter how noble his status before Allaah. Allaah said to His Prophet, the noblest of all creation (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, you (O Muhammad) will die, and verily, they (too) will die” [al-Zumar 39:30] And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Everyone shall taste death. And only on the Day of Resurrection shall you be paid your wages in full. And whoever is removed away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise, he indeed is successful. The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing)” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:185] And the poet said: Every son of a female, no matter how long he lives, Will one day be carried on the bier. The positive kind of fear of death is that which make a person check himself and watch himself, and bring 122

himself to task for bad deeds. This fear is that which makes a man keep away from sin and persist in praying for forgiveness and repenting. As for the kind of fear that makes a person panic, expect the worst and feel helpless, and discourages him from taking any action and prevents him from doing his duties, this is a negative and blameworthy kind of fear. The one who feels this has to strive hard to rid himself of it and put a stop to it. Perhaps this is what the questioner is feeling, and he thinks that this waswasah (whisper from the Shaytaan) is a warning of danger and a sign that the end is near. But this is not the case. All it is, is a whisper from the accursed Shaytaan, to cause distress to the believer and to make his life a misery, and there is nothing real behind it. This is why, when you went to the hospital for tests, they showed that you are in good health, which should make you feel better and give you peace of mind. Perhaps we can help you by telling you how to get rid of this waswasah (whisper from the Shaytaan), in the following ways: 1 – Firmly implanting in your heart the belief that whatever Allaah wills happens, and whatever He does not will does not happen. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And you cannot will unless (it be) that Allaah wills the Lord of the ‘Aalameen (mankind, jinn and all that exists)” [al-Takweer 81:29] Death is nothing but the decree of Allaah which the son of Adam has no way of warding off or avoiding. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Say (O Muhammad ): ‘I have no power over any harm or profit to myself except what Allaah may will. For every Ummah, there is a term appointed; when their term comes, neither can they delay it nor can they advance it an hour (or a moment)’” [Yoonus 10:49] 123

“Wheresoever you may be, death will overtake you even if you are in fortresses built up strong and high” [al-Nisa’ 4:78] As this is the case, then fear of death will not delay it or bring it forward, all you will get from your fear of death is misery and worries. Your appointed time will never come until Allaah wills it, at the time that is known to Him, and you can never bring it forward, whether you fear death or not, whether you think about how your end will be or not. This is contrary to the life of peace, stability and tranquility that Allaah wants for the believers. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)” [al-Nahl 16:97] 2 – Remembering the kindness and mercy of Allaah towards His believing slaves, for He is Loving, Compassionate and Forgiving, the One Whose mercy prevails over His wrath, Who blesses the sinner with abundant forgiveness. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Why should Allaah punish you if you have thanked (Him) and have believed in Him. And Allaah is Ever AllAppreciative (of good), AllKnowing” [al-Nisa’ 4:147] The believer is promised Paradise when he dies. There is 124

nothing standing between him and Paradise but death. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no person who bears witness that there is no god but Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger, but Allaah will forbid him to the Fire.” (Narrated by Muslim, 47). 3 – Always putting your trust in Allaah in all your affairs, and knowing that this trust (tawakkul) will ward off the whispers of the Shaytaan and put an end to them. Once you have resolved to do that, then do not look back. If you feel that these whispers are overwhelming you again, then turn to Allaah and seek refuge in Him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And if an evil whisper comes to you from Shaytaan (Satan), then seek refuge with Allaah. Verily, He is AllHearer, All-Knower” [al-A’raaf 7:200] 4 – Lift your head high and look forward; start your daily life with steadfastness and certainty, and approach all your actions with energy and peace of mind. How many good things there are in this world that fill hearts with contentment and tranquility and fill the heart with hope and certain faith. With regard to your question, what is going to happen to you and your family in the future, Subhaan-Allaah (glory be to Allaah)! Are you the one who created them? Are you the one who grants them provision? Are you the one who taking care of their needs? No, it is Allaah Who does all that, Who is more merciful towards them than you are. Have complete trust that 125

Allaah will never cause them to be lost, may He be glorified and praised. This matter is not up to you at all. If all the people thought in this way no one would have any peace of mind. But praise be to Allaah Who has guaranteed provision for everyone. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but its provision is due from Allaah. And He knows its dwelling place and its deposit (in the uterus or grave). All is in a Clear Book (AlLawh AlMahfooz — the Book of Decrees with Allaah)” [Hood 11:6] So cast these thoughts away from your mind. 5 – You should make a lot of du’aa’ asking Allaah to dispel this waswaas (whispers from the Shaytaan) from you. Pray to Him with all humbleness, expressing your weakness and need of Him. And rest assured that He will certainly answer you. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad) concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me (without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright” [al-Baqarah 2:186] With regard to those who die as a result of accidents, the fact that they die in this manner does not mean that they are bad at all. Rather people who are counted among the righteous may die in this manner. Think about this hadeeth which will help you to resolve this matter. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The martyrs are five: those who are stabbed, those 126

who die of a stomach disease, those who drown, those who are crushed by falling walls, and those who die in battle for the sake of Allaah.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 615). Look at those who die by drowning, or by fire, or who are crushed by falling walls. Are these not frightening things? But that does not indicate that they are bad, rather the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called them martyrs (shuhada’), which is the utmost honour. The way in which a person dies does not indicate that he is bad, but Allaah in His wisdom decrees that some people should die in this manner. Perhaps that is in order to raise them in status in Paradise, or to expiate for some of their sins, or for some other reason that we do not know. We ask Allaah to guide you to good deeds and positive thinking. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 32479: Family planning Question: What is the ruling on family planning in nations where there is a large number of inhabitants such as in Cairo for example?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We will quote to you below a statement issued by the Fiqh Council (al-Majma’ al-Fiqhi) with regard to family planning: 127

The meeting of the Fiqh Council held during its fifth conference in Kuwait 1-6 Jumaada al-Aakhir 1409 AH (10-15 December 1988) – after studying the research presented by members and experts on the subject of family planning, and listening to the debate that took place on this topic, and based on the fact that one of the objectives of marriage according to Islamic sharee’ah is to reproduce and preserve the human race, and that it is not permissible to undermine this objective, because undermining it goes against the texts and teachings of sharee’ah, which call for having many children, protecting them and taking care of them, because producing and caring for offspring is one of the five kulliyaat (holistic principles) which sharee’ah came to take care of – issued the following resolutions: 1 – It is not permissible to issue laws that limit the freedom of couples to have children. 2 – It is haraam to remove the ability of men and women to have children, which is known as sterilization, so long as there is no need to do so according to shar’i principles. 3 – It is permissible to use temporary means of contraception in order to increase the gaps between pregnancies, or to stop them for a limited period of time, if there is a valid shar’i reason for doing so, based on the couple’s estimation and with mutual consultation and agreement, subject to the condition that this does not result in harm and that the means is acceptable according to sharee’ah and will not damage any existing pregnancy. And Allaah knows best. Resolution no. 38 (1/5), re: Family planning. See Majallat al-Majma’, vol. 1, p. 73) For more information see Question no. 7205 Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 128

26913: How should he deal with his wife who is mentally ill? Question: I am married for 5 years and have 1 1/2 year old daughter. My wife is stubborn and non comprising. Her stubbornness is deep rooted psychological problem because if I do not do things as per her wish then she starts crying sometime late night and then slowly she goes into depression. From the beginning my wife disliked my family. She would never let me have a good family time. She mistreated my mother several times. Because my wife goes into depression I have not taken any strong action. But now I can not tolerate this behaviour. I want to take care of mother and give her happiness too. Her parents have failed to make her behave in good manners.They advised her to go to a psychiatrist, but she does not want to go. I know she is mentally ill to a certain extent. Please advice. Answer:

Praise be to Allaah. We appreciate your confidence in us, and we ask Allaah to guide us all to the right path. I have read your letter more than once and I feel that it is difficult for me to understand the issues properly, because it seems to be somewhat complicated, so I cannot blame one of you. But I feel that both of you have some share of blame for the problem. 129

But I can offer the following advice and suggest that you do these things, and I ask Allaah to make this a help for you in solving your problem. Firstly: Each of you must come back to Allaah because sin has an effect on people’s family lives and on all their relationships. Hence one of the salaf said: when I commit sin, I see its effect on my family and my riding-beast. This confirms what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, according to the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When Allaah loves a person He calls Jibreel and says, ‘I love So and so, so love him.’ Then Jibreel loves him, then he calls out in the heavens saying, ‘Allaah loves him, so love him.’ Then the inhabitants of heaven love him, and he also finds acceptance on earth. But if Allaah hates a person, He calls Jibreel and says, ‘I hate So and so, so hate him.’ Then Jibreel hates him, then he calls out in the heavens saying, ‘Allaah hates So and so, so hate him.’ So they hate him, and he is also hated on earth.” Secondly: Each person must turn towards his Lord and call upon him. Allaah Says (interpretation of the meaning): “Is not He (better than your gods) Who responds to the distressed one, when he calls on Him, and Who removes the evil” [al-Naml 27:62] So he must persist in du’aa’, and seek out the times when du’aa’ is more likely to be accepted, such as the last third of the night, when our Lord descends and calls out, “Who will call upon Me, that I may answer him; who will seek 130

My forgiveness, that I may forgive him; who will ask of Me, that I may give to him; who will repent to Me, that I may accept his repentance?” So you should call upon your Lord and have certain faith that He will respond, but do not try to hasten the response, for Allaah will respond to His slave so long as he does not try to hasten the response and does not say “I made du’aa’ but I received no answer.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has not sent down any malady but He has also sent down the remedy; those who know it, know it, and those who do not know it, do not know it.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 3397; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in alSilsilah al-Saheehah, 1650). So you must recite the du’aa’s that are prescribed in sharee’ah, such as ruqyah, reciting Qur’aan, etc. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We send down of the Qur’aan that which is a healing and a mercy to those who believe” [al-Isra’ 17:82] If she refuses to be checked out by a psychiatrist, then there is nothing wrong with your trying to mediate between them. Fourthly: What your wife needs most from you is that you should be warm and loving towards her. For example, take her for a drive in the car to a place that is calming and soothing to the nerves, or take her on a trip to another city. Insist kindly on taking her out if she refuses and choose activities that she is accustomed to and that she likes, such as going to a place that she likes or letting her do some of her hobbies. Fifthly: 131

Do not be forceful if she refuses to cooperate, because for the one who is depressed you can draw attention to things but you cannot demand him to do things, because that will increase his feelings of failure. Sixthly: I advise you to be kind and gentle, for there is no kindness in a thing but it adorns it . Finally, you should note that the person who is suffering from depression is lethargic and is not interested in improving his situation, such as trying to recover from depression by himself. Remember that most cases of depression can be dealt with but it may need a long time and goodly patience. Remember that you may be one of the causes of her illness, so do not rush to end the relationship. You have to help her to get out of the situation she is in, and remember that no matter how difficult it is to be patient, the results will be good, And Allaah knows best. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his family and companions. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 6377: He doesn’t like his wife to visit her family when her male cousins are there Question: My question is regarding my wife. When she goes to visit her parents in their house, sometimes her male unmarried cousins stay the night in the same house. In these situations, I prefer to stay with her in her house and do not like her staying alone, even though our son, about 4, 132

also stays with her and she does sleep in a separate room. Am I right to prohibit her from staying in her parent’s house when this condition is not fulfilled (that is, I cannot stay the night with her, while the cousins do). Is this from Shariah or is this prohibiting what Allah has made lawful. Also, please note that I feel extremely uncomfortable about this situation, though my wife keeps telling me I should be more trusting. Another question is related as well. Is it right to prohibit my wife from travelling for pleasure and sight-seeing with her family when she is accompanied by her parents and brother but also the unmarried male cousins. Please note that I don’t mind this when I’m around. But is it ok when I’m not with my wife. Again, I feel extremely jealous when this happens as I feel I should be the one taking her around and not any stranger, even if she’s accompanied by her parents and brother. Can you please, again comment on whether this is normal or goes against the allowance given in the Shariah. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: I would like to remind you of what the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) that is more harmful to men than women.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4808; Muslim, 2740, from the hadeeth of Usaamah ibn Zayd). Secondly: It is permissible for a woman to be in her father’s house when there is a non-mahram present, so long as there is no fear of haraam mixing or of the fitnah (temptation) that may happen as a result of that. 133

But if there is no guarantee that there will be no mixing and no fitnah, then that is not permissible. It is even more haraam if the woman does not observe proper Islamic hijaab. Thirdly: a boy of four years of age is not considered to be a mahram because the role of a mahram is to guard and protect the woman, and this cannot be done by a four year old child. So it makes no difference whether this boy is there or not. Fourthly: if your wife’s father and brothers take this man’s presence lightly and do not care if he is alone with your wife or if she takes off her hijaab in front of him, then it is not permissible for you to leave your wife with them, because they are careless about protecting their daughter. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansaar said: “O Messenger of Allaah, what do you think of the in-law?” He said, “The in-law is death.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4934) and Muslim (2172), from the hadeeth of ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir). So you must protect your wife and feel protective jealousy and pride (gheerah) where she is concerned, and not expose her to temptation. Fifthly: With regard to her going on trips, there is nothing wrong with that if the place to which she is going is not one where immoral people meet, such as beaches and other places which are very dubious, and so long as she will keep her hijaab on and stay far away from places of temptation. If you are worried that the presence of that non-mahram man will be a cause of fitnah or may make her do something that Allaah has forbidden, then you must not allow your wife to travel with them. This is the matter of praiseworthy protective jealousy (gheerah) that is loved by Allaah and His Messenger. If a man feels protective jealousy towards his family he will stop them from 134

committing immoral actions and anything that may lead to that. You should note that most of the disasters that befall families come from friends or relatives, so try your best to protect your wife from that. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 20343: His wife does not accept advice. What is the solution? Question: I got maried 4 years before. My wife was not having any religious attitude at all. She was strongly against observing hijab/niqab. She didn’t even covered her head. On my asking to observe hijab, she simply refused and said that she was a learned girl and that she knows her good or bad. I didn’t loose heart and kept on trying to convince her and engrave in her heart the fear and greatness of allah. Now after 4 years, there is a little improvement. She has started a little bit of hijab(i.e., she covers her head and chest) but is still not convinced to do niqaab. She offers her prayer but recites quran wrongly (i.e., her pronunciation is not correct). She is not interested to learn reading quran. She is casual to learn about the problems of her periods and mixes up her days and leaves the prayers one or two days more than her periods. She doesnot accept any body’s remarks and considers her own decision as final. What line of action should I adopt as she does not bear any harsh words or behavior. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 135

Undoubtedly your wife is persisting in making a serious mistake, and we ask Allaah to guide her. The most serious thing that you mention about her is the matter of her careless attitude towards prayer, because not praying leads – Allaah forbid – to one becoming beyond the pale of Islam, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “What stands between a man and shirk or kufr is his giving up prayer.” (Narrated by Muslim, 82). This applies to one who does not pray at all. But some of the scholars (may Allaah have mercy on them) thought that a person who fails to pray one prayer on time also becomes a kaafir. See al-Mughni, 3/354). This points to the seriousness of the matter. You have done your duty towards your wife by guiding and advising her, and this has borne fruit. Even though it may be incomplete, it is still a positive step which indicates that there is goodness in your wife and that she is prepared to change the rest. Yes, that may be slow but it is possible. You see that in the beginning she was not convinced of hijaab and did not wear it at all, but after the noble efforts on your part she has started to wear it partially. Even though it is not full hijaab as it should be worn, it still gives us hope and points to hidden goodness in her. You can bring it to the surface so that she will wear proper hijaab on the basis of conviction and her own desire to do it, as time goes by and as you continue your efforts. This means that you must continue to advise her and not give up, and you will be rewarded for that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If one man were to be guided at your hands, that will be better for you than red camels [i.e., the best kind].” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 6). Always remind her of Allaah and make her fear Him; tell her of the importance of prayer in Islam and that she has to learn the things that have to do with prayer, such as the 136

rulings on menstruation and post-partum bleeding, because it is obligatory on every woman, when her bleeding stops, to hasten to do ghusl when the time for prayer comes. Try to bring her useful books on that topic, such as the essay by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) on “The Natural Blood of Women” or some useful tapes. You can help her by sitting and reading with her, or listening to the tapes with her, because this is a kind of cooperating in righteousness and piety. [Translator’s note: Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen’s essay is available in English with additional notes by Bilaal Philips, under the title Islamic Rules on Menstruation and Post-Natal Bleeding, published by Dar al-Fatah, Sharjah, UAE]. With regard to what you mention about her mistakes in reading Qur’aan, if the mistakes are in her recitation of al-Faatihah and are such that they distort or change the meanings of the words – such as reading an’amta [“You [masculine] have bestowed Your grace”] as an’amti [i.e., feminine form of the verb], or any other mistake which would make a listener understand something other than the correct meaning – this means that she has to learn how to read properly, because such mistakes make the prayer invalid, as reciting al-Faatihah is a pillar or essential part of the prayer, without which the prayer is not valid. But if the mistakes do not change the meaning , such as reading “ar-Rahmaan ir-Raheem” as “ar-Rahmaan urRaheem”, this does not invalidate the prayer. The Muslim must learn to read Qur’aan so that he can recite it correctly, and so that he will not distort the Qur’aan without realizing. You have to help her with that, either by teaching her yourself, or by showing her things that will help her, such as tapes of the Qur’aan by readers who are known to recite 137

well. You must also explain to her the virtues of reading Qur’aan and the reward for that. So in conclusion you have to continue teaching and advising her, and be patient in doing so. Do not say that she has only responded a little after so much time and effort, for even this little is blessed by Allaah. We have a good example in the Prophets, for Nooh called his people for nine hundred and fifty years. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And indeed We sent Nooh (Noah) to his people, and he stayed among them a thousand years less fifty years [inviting them to believe in the Oneness of Allaah (Monotheism), and discard the false gods and other deities]” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:14] Yet despite that only a few of his people believed in him. Make her enjoy learning about her religion by making it easy for her. Encourage her if you see that she is responding to you, even if it is something small. Know that you are an example for her, so watch what you do and say. Beware of telling her to do something then being the first one to go against that, or of telling her not to do something then being the first one to do it, for this will stop her from accepting your advice, or will delay her. You have to be gentle in the way you advise her, for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah is Kind and loves kindness, and He confers upon kindness that which he does not confer upon severity and does not confer upon anything else besides it (kindness).” (Narrated by Muslim, 2593). You must also make a lot of du’aa’ and beseech Allaah to open her heart to obedience towards Him and make His 138

religion and laws beloved to her. I ask Allaah to help you to do good. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 2095: Problems faced by Muslim teenage girls in nonMuslim countries Question: I need to know for school, What it’s like for a fundamentalist Muslim (a teenage girl) living in australia. The difficulties she might face living in a country where such things as the laws are based on christianity. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Muslim girls living in Christian countries may be faced with a number of problems and difficulties, such as: Difficulty in wearing hijaab (Islamic dress code) Difficulty in studying without having to mix with the opposite sex Difficulty in getting married according to Islamic law Difficulty in getting divorced according to Islamic law Difficulty in receiving her financial rights, such as inheritance, according to Islamic law Difficulty in finding Muslim friends who could help her adhere to her religion Difficulty in finding halaal meat that has been slaughtered 139

in accordance with Islamic law, or finding some foodstuffs, such as sweets etc., that are not mixed with alcohol or lard (pork fat) Difficulty in doing some sports, such as swimming, in a place that is screened from the view of men Difficulty and embarrassment in avoiding invitations to unsuitable parties such as Christian holidays and mixed wedding parties These and many other challenges are faced by Muslim girls living in countries such as those referred to in the question, but they do not prevent a Muslim girl at all from making the effort and striving to follow her religion and heed its prohibitions. She will receive multiple rewards from Allaah for her efforts in the face of hardship and her patience. The bitterness of patience will ultimately be followed by the sweet joy which will make her forget the pain of hardship. Allaah is the One Whom we ask for help. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 4 6053: A young girl living in a corrupt society fears that she may go astray Question: I am 15 years old and i have embraced islam 4-5 years ago. one of my parents is so called muslim but he doesnt practice the religion. i run in problem all the time . sooner or later i will become sick of following rules so i’ll just go out and have fun(go dancing start dating etc.) i know it is wrong but i realise that after i do it. I am not sure if i want to be religious any more, but then something keeps coming back and telling me that i should be a muslim. i am having hard time deciding what to do. its hard for me to stay muslim because i live in non muslim society and the muslims i know are not really muslims . do you have any suggestions ? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Your problem is a sensitive and serious problem that has to do with adhering to Islam and following its rules. Whilst we understand your problem and feel your suffering from afar, we want to remind you of the following points: Firstly, this “something” that you say comes to you and tells you that you have to be a Muslim could be one of the angels, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Shaytaan has some hold over the son of Adam and the angel has some hold over the son of Adam. As for the hold of the shaytaan, it is reminding him of evil and disbelieving the truth. As for 141

the hold of the angel, it is reminding him of goodness and believing the truth. Whoever find the latter, let him know that it is from Allaah, so let him praise Allaah. Whoever finds the former, let him seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan.” Then he recited (interpretation of the meaning): “Shaytaan (Satan) threatens you with poverty and orders you to commit Fahsha (evil deeds, illegal sexual intercourse, sins); whereas Allaah promises you forgiveness from Himself and bounty…” [al-Baqarah 2:268]. (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 2914; he said it is a ghareeb hasan hadeeth). “Shaytaan” here refers to Iblees or one of his troops. “A hold” (literally, touch) means coming close and having an effect. Here it refers to what happens in the heart as a result of the influence of the devil or angel. “Reminding him of evil” such as Kufr (disbelief), immorality and wrongdoing. “Disbelieving the truth” means denying the rights of Allaah or the rights of creation, or denying something that has been proven to be truesuch as Tawheed, Prophethood, Resurrection, the Day of Judgement and Paradise and Hell. “As for the hold of the angel, it is reminding him of goodness” such as prayer and fasting. “And believing in the truth” such as the Books and Messengers of Allaah. “Whoever finds that” means in himself, or notices or recognizes it, i.e., the hold of the angel. “Let him know that it is from Allaah” means it is a great blessing and wonderful mercy that has come to him because Allaah commanded the angel to touch him. “Let him praise Allaah” for this great blessing, because it has qualified him to be guided by the angel to this goodness. “Whoever finds the former” means the hold of shaytaan. “Then he recited” means the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) he quoted the aayah (interpretation 142

of the meaning): “Shaytaan (Satan) threatens you with poverty” means he scares you with it to stop you spending in good ways. “and orders you to commit Fahsha (evil deeds, etc.)” means sins. In the light of this great hadeeth, you can now understand your situation. The “something” that is bringing you goodness is bringing you a blessing from Allaah, so give thanks and praise to Allaah for it. The other one who is coming to entice you to go out and dance and form illicit relationships with evil, dirty people is from the Shaytaan, so seek refuge with Allaah from that every time he tempts you with these evil dangers. Secondly, do not worry about there being so many lost souls around you, do not let these hordes of kaafirs who are drowning in the sea of their reckless desires and sins distract you from the purpose for which you were created. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And if you obey most of those on the earth, they will mislead you far away from Allaah’s path” (al-An’aam 6:116) “And most of mankind will not believe even if you desire it eagerly” (Yoosuf 12:103) O young Muslim woman, what is the value of life if a person lives only to follow his or her own desires, steeped in vice, dancing and singing, getting drunk and causing uproar, engaging in illicit sexual conduct and behaving like an animal? Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “They are like cattle, nay even more astray; those! They are the heedless ones” (al-An’aam 6:179). Thirdly, as you are living in a negative atmosphere filled with so many kuffaar and Muslims who do not adhere to 143

their religion and who may not know anything about Islam other than its name, and surrounded with trials and temptations as you are, you have to cling to Allaah and adhere to His sharee’ah (laws), turn to Him and pray always to Him to protect you from sin and help you to adhere to your religion. Always repeat this du’aa’: “Yaa muqallib al-quloob thabbit qalbi ala deenak (O Controller of the hearts, make my heart adhere firmly to Your religion).” Because your mother, the Mother of the Believers ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) narrated from her husband, your Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that he used to recite this du’aa’ (Yaa muqallib al-quloob thabbit qalbi ala deenak) frequently. She asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, we believe in you and in what you have brought. Do you fear for us?” He said, “Yes, for people’s hearts are between the fingers of Allaah and He turns them as He wills.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2066. He said, this is a hasan hadeeth). Fourthly, try to look for other Muslim women so that you can remind one another of the truth and encourage one another to be patient. Do whatever you can to call your parents to the way of truth, for how many young people have been the cause of their elders being guided! Finally we ask Allaah to guide you in the ways of peace and to make you steadfast on the path of Islam and to bless you with the sweetness of faith. We entrust you to the care of Allaah, for those who are under His care will never be lost. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 144

21510: My wife is not beautiful!! Question: I have been married for a few years. During the first two years I was happy with my marriage and I loved my wife, but after that I started to feel that I disliked my wife. That is not because of religion, because she is religiously committed and has a good character, praise be to Allaah. Rather it has to do with her beauty, because she is not beautiful enough to keep me chaste and make me lower my gaze. I am afraid of mistreating her because I do not feel happy with her and sometimes I frown at her for no reason. The problem is that I cannot marry another wife because I am not financially able. I thought of taking a loan in order to marry but then I would be living in poverty because of the loan. I have thought a lot about divorcing her and letting her go in kindness and replacing her with another, but I have children from her and she loves me a lot. I have thought about this a great deal and it is disturbing my sleep, because I do not know what to do. What should I do, may Allaah reward you. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. My dear brother, I appreciate your confidence in me and I ask Allaah to make us and you strong and steadfast, and to guide us. With regard to your question, I offer the following comments: 1 – The problem you have is not with regard to marrying a second wife, or divorcing your wife. The problem, as you mention, is a financial problem. So long as you are not able to marry another wife, then you should keep the wife with whom Allaah has blessed you. 145

2 – Whenever you are able and have the financial means, and praise be to Allaah that He has permitted plural marriage to you… In my opinion that is easier for a woman to bear than divorce, especially since you have children from her. 3 – Try to look at the matter from a different angle. You may find many positive things in her, and beauty is not everything, believe me. How she behaves and treats you… and many things which are ultimately more important than appearance. For with time you will get used to her appearance, and how she behaves will be what matters… 4 – Imagine that you find a very beautiful woman and marry her… then she starts to treat you in an arrogant or impolite manner… or she treats you and your family badly… what would you do?! 5 – You should be objective and not burden yourself with more than you can bear. Look at the matter from different aspects. “it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good” [al-Nisa’ 4:19 – interpretation of the meaning]. And remember the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Look for one [a wife] who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!” May Allaah help you, protect you and make you steadfast in following the path of goodness and truth. Answered by Ahmad al-Muqbil (www.islam-qa.com) 21598: Her husband’s mother dislikes her – what should she do? Question: I have done my nikah a few months ago and will do the 146

marriage ceremony soon insha’allah in order to live together. My husband’s family is not religious at all. Unfortunately, I found out, after the fact, that my in-laws are not happy about our marriage and because of that my relationship with my in-laws, especially my mother-inlaw, is not in good terms. My husband is their only son and he loves them very much. I am afraid that my motherin-law’s dislike towards me might affect my relationship with my husband in the future. What can I do to prevent this? Is there any dua’a?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is no problem that cannot by solved by anyone, as stated in the question. For every problem there is a solution, but the problem is not in finding the solution, rather it depends on the one who is going to implement the solution. Many of those who go through difficult circumstances and ask for a solution imagine that the person they are asking is able to take away the problem, but this is not correct. Rather all that a human being can do is to suggest the best possible ways of reaching the desired result, but the person must still make the effort to solve his problem – this is very important and essential. With regard to what you asked about: Firstly: This dislike that they are showing may be based on incorrect ideas about you, so perhaps it is only temporary and may disappear if you try hard to be pleasant to them. I say this because we cannot be sure of what may happen in the future. How often has a girl have been disliked by her husband’s family in the beginning, then as they got to know her and saw her good manners and good attitude, 147

they changed their minds about her and their condemnation turned to praise and their hatred to love. So do not worry about what may happen, just be cheerful and optimistic about your future with your husband. Secondly: You must show your best attitude towards your husband’s family, who have the right to be treated in a good manner by you because they are the family of your husband. Pay a great deal of attention to his parents, and take care of his mother as if she were your own mother. If she comes to your house, try to meet her with a friendly and smiling face, and do not pay too much attention to your husband whilst she is there with you, because this may stir up feelings of jealousy, which are very strong in human beings. Thirdly: Turn to Allaah and make du’aa’, and ask Him to help you to treat them well and to soften their hearts and make them love you. Realize that no matter how hard you look for a solution, help is ultimately in His hand. So turn to Him with all sincerity. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his family. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 22877: He feels that his faith is weak and that worship is burdensome Question: I have been a religious person for several years, but for a few months I have been feeling that my mind and heart are devoid of faith and will power. This matter is 148

tormenting me and I said to myself that perhaps this is a touch from the Shaytaan or something like that, and it will go away when Ramadaan comes. But it has not gone away and I find it very difficult to pray qiyaam al-layl. I have tried to read more Qur’aan despite this waswaas and the distress it is causing me. My situation has started to affect me socially, at work, in the family and in my religion. Now I am living in torment because of this and I cannot find the faith which I feel has been taken away from me. I feel that I will have a bad end and that my faith will never return to me and that a seal has been placed over my heart. When I go to the mosque to pray, which I have not stopped doing, I feel that I am not like the other worshippers and I envy them for their faith. I also feel put off by religion and often I cannot listen to the Qur’aan or hadeeth, or listen to tapes, except with great difficulty. This is tormenting me because I do not want this, and I want to be like I was, a believer who loves the religion because it is the truth, but I feel that I cannot control my mind or my feelings. I have started to think about my sins which I believe are the cause of this, and I have started to remember many sins which I had forgotten, as if they are appearing before me one after the other. Until now I am living with this torment, misery and distress. I do not know what has happened to me and what the solution and the remedy is. Will my faith come back to me or is this a bad end and a punishment from Allaah? Finally, please do not forget to make du’aa’ for me. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. My brother, have great hope in Allaah, and do not let the Shaytaan cause you to despair of the vast mercy of Allaah which He has guaranteed for His believing slaves. What 149

you are telling yourself about this being a sign that you will die following something other than that which Allaah wants is only insinuating whispers (waswaas) from the Shaytaan and his deviant ideas by means of which he wants to tempt the slaves of Allaah and lead them away from their religion. So he comes to a righteous slave and whispers to him that his good deeds are of no avail, or that he is doing them not for the sake of Allaah but to show off to people, so that they will think he is good. All of these are the usual ways with which the Shaytaan tries to trick the slaves of Allaah, especially those who show signs of being righteous – of whom I think that you are one, although I do not praise anyone before Allah – to hinder their efforts. We seek refuge with Allaah from him. You need to increase your hope and trust in Allaah Who forgives all sins, and who accepts the slave who seeks His protection and refuge, for He is the Most Merciful, the Oft-Forgiving and the Most Loving. You should increase your good deeds, such as reading Qur’aan, giving charity, remembering Allaah (dhikr), upholding the ties of kinship, etc. The weakness which you feel also happens to others, for it is something natural. How many people were examples followed by others and had a great deal of drive and ambition, then they lost their drive and ambition for a long time, then it came back to them by the grace of Allaah. Remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Everybody has his time of energy, and every time of energy is followed by a time of lethargy. But if a person tries to follow a moderate path, then I have hope for him, but if he becomes one who is pointed out (in the street), then do not think anything of him.” (Narrated by alTirmidhi, 2453; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1995). 150

What is meant by “Everybody has his time of energy” is eagerness for a thing, energy and the desire to do good. What is meant by “every time of energy is followed by a time of lethargy” is tiredness, weakness and lack of movement. “But if a person tries to follow a moderate path” means that the one who has energy does his deeds in moderation and avoids going to extremes when he is feeling energetic and avoids being negligent when he is feeling lethargic. “Then I have hope for him” means, I have hope that he will be successful, for he can continue following a middle course, and the most beloved deeds to Allaah are those which are continuous. “but if he becomes one who is pointed out (in the street)” means, if he strives hard and goes to extremes in doing good deeds so that he will become famous for his worship and asceticism, and he becomes famous and people point him out to one another, “then do not think anything of him” means, do not think that he is one of the righteous, because he is showing off. He did not say, “do not have hope for him,” as an indication that he has already fallen, and he will not be able to make up for what he has missed out on. [From Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi] Think about this hadeeth, and relate it to your own situation and the situation of others: you will see a clear similarity. This hadeeth clearly states that man goes through a stage of incomparable eagerness and great focus and ambition, then suddenly he becomes weak and loses that focus and eagerness and ambition. When he reaches this stage, he must strive even harder to do obligatory duties and avoid haraam things. If he does that, then there 151

is the hope that he will succeed and progress, but if he falls into haraam things and stops doing obligatory things, he will be lost and doomed. So you must turn to Allaah a great deal, seek His forgiveness and ask Him to make you steadfast until death. I also advise you to keep away from haraam things. May Allaah forgive your sins and make things easier for you. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 21149: Wife’s family making the husband have doubts about his wife Question: One of my friends came to me to ask my opinion about a problem that he is facing. He says that there was a big argument between him and his wife’s family, so his wife’s family started making him have doubts about his wife and telling him that she had been betraying him from the first day of marriage until now (approximately fifteen years). All of this was done by hints, not stated bluntly, but these were obvious hints that were made repeatedly. They got other people to help them in that so that he would divorce her, and now he is suffering from waswaas (whispers from the Shyatan). It should be noted that they have children and that the wife prays regularly, always on time. This has led to strong rumours circulating among people and the husband is living in isolation; no one visits him, not even his brothers, because of these rumours. When he confronted his wife she denied it vehemently and did not speak to him for several days, even though when the disputes between him and her family grow intense, she behaves in a manner that causes him to have doubts about her and there are times when the husband 152

believes these rumours and times when he thinks that they are untrue. He often thinks of divorce because she has caused him problems in his social life and at work and with his brothers. It should be noted that the husband has never seen or heard his wife speak to any stranger (nonmahram man). What is your opinion? May Allaah help you to do that which is good for this ummah. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is obvious that there has been a misunderstanding between this man and his wife’s family, and that they want him to divorce her. It is essential to find out the wife’s point of view. If she wants a divorce then he has to try to change her mind by tackling the cause of the problem. Otherwise he may divorce her, and perhaps Allaah will compensate each of them with someone who is better than the other. He should however, avoid discussing the issue of her betraying him. But if his wife does not want a divorce then he should treat his wife well and seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan, and he should not pay any attention to the doubts for which he has no proof. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said that there is gheerah (protective jealousy) that Allaah loves and there is gheerah which Allaah hates. The gheerah that Allaah loves is gheerah which is cause for doubt, and the gheerah that Allaah hates is gheerah when there is no cause for suspicion. Shaykh Sa’d al-Humayd (www.islam-qa.com) 62839: Whispers from the Shaytaan and the remedy for them Question: Because I am suffering from waswasah (whispers from the Shaytaan), sometimes I do not answer my wife when 153

she tries to speak to me, because of this waswasah or because I believe she is the cause of this waswasah. Does the fact that I do not answer her count as a talaaq (divorce)? If I speak to her angrily does that count as a talaaq? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Not answering your wife does not count as a talaaq, neither does speaking to her angrily. No matter how much you may think of divorce, or intend and resolve to do it, talaaq (divorce) does not take place until and unless you utter the words of talaaq. That is because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has forgiven for my ummah that which is whispered to them and which crosses their minds, so long as they do not act upon it or speak of it.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6664; Muslim, 127) Based on this, according to the scholars if a man thinks of talaaq, that does not mean anything unless he speaks of it. Indeed, according to some scholars, if a person is suffering from waswaas his talaaq does not count even if he utters it, so long as he did not have the intention of talaaq. Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The talaaq of a person who is suffering from waswaas does not count even if he utters the words, if that was not done deliberately, because this utterance happened because of waswaas, not because of his will or intention. Rather it was forced upon him because of the strength of the waswaas and his lack of self-control. The Prophet 154

(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘There is no divorce under compulsion.’ So this divorce does not count, because he did not really want to do that. This was something that was forced upon him with no intention or choice on his part to do that, so this does not mean that talaaq has occurred.” (Fataawa Islamiyyah, compiled by Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez al-Musnad, 3/277) We advise you not to pay any attention to these whispers, and to ignore them, and to do the opposite of what they are calling you to do. For these whispers (waswaas) come from the Shaytaan to cause grief to those who believe. The best way to deal with them is to remember Allaah a great deal (dhikr), to seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan, to keep away from sins and wrong actions which are the means by which Iblees gains control over the sons of Adam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, he [the Shaytaan] has no power over those who believe and put their trust only in their Lord (Allaah)” [al-Nahl 16:99] It is worth quoting here what Ibn Hajar al-Haythami (may Allaah have mercy on him) said about dealing with waswasah in his book al-Fataawa al-Fiqhiyyah al-Kubra, 1/149. This is what he said: “He was asked about the problem of waswasah (insinuating whispers from the Shaytaan), and whether there is a remedy for it. He replied by saying that there is an effective remedy for it, which is to ignore them completely, no matter how frequently they may come to mind. When these whispers are ignored, they do not become established, rather they 155

go away after a short time, as many people have experienced. But for those who pay attention to them and act upon them, they increase until they make him like one who is insane or even worse, as we see among many of those who have suffered from them and paid attention to them and to the devil whose task it is to insinuate these whispers, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned us against when he said, “Beware the whispers with regard to water (i.e., wudoo’) which is caused by a devil called al-Walhaan” – because that causes a person to go to extremes with regard to doing wudoo’, as was explained in Sharh Mishkaat al-Anwaar. In al-Saheehayn there is a report which supports what has been mentioned above, which is that whoever suffers from waswaas should seek refuge with Allaah and turn away from the waswaas. So think about this effective remedy which was taught by the one who does not speak of his own whims and desires to his ummah, and understand that whoever is deprived of this is deprived of all goodness, because waswasah comes from the Shaytaan, according to scholarly consensus, and the accursed one (the Shaytaan) has no other desire than to make the believers go astray, make them confused, make their life a misery, cause them distress to the extent that they leave Islam without realizing it. “Surely, Shaytaan (Satan) is an enemy to you, so take (treat) him as an enemy” [Faatir 35:6 – interpretation of the meaning] According to another hadeeth, the one who suffers from waswasah should say, “Aamantu Billaahi wa bi rusulihi (I believe in Allaah and in His Messengers).” Undoubtedly, whoever thinks of the paths of the Messengers of Allaah, especially our Prophet (peace and

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blessings of Allaah be upon him) will find that his path and his law is easy and clear, with no hardship in it. “… and has not laid upon you in religion any hardship” [al-Hajj 22:78 – interpretation of the meaning] Whoever ponders this and believes in it sincerely, the problem of waswasah and listening to the Shaytaan will go away. In the book of Ibn al-Sunni it is narrated via ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), “Whoever suffers from this waswaas, let him say ‘Aamantu Billaahi wa bi rusulihi (I believe in Allaah and in His Messengers)’, three times, and it will go away from him.” Al-‘Izz ibn ‘Abd al-Salaam and others mentioned something similar to the above. They said: the treatment for waswasah is to believe that this is an idea from the Shaytaan and that Iblees is the one who is bringing these thoughts to his mind, and he should strive to fight him. Then he will have the reward of the mujaahid, because he is fighting the enemy of Allaah. If he does that, then the Shaytaan will flee from him. This is what mankind has been tested with from the beginning of time, and Allaah has given him (Iblees) some power over man as a test for him, so that Allaah may show the truth to be true and falsehood to be false, even though the disbelievers may hate that. In Muslim, hadeeth no. 2203, it is narrated that ‘Uthmaan ibn Abi’l-‘Aas said: “The Shaytaan was interfering with my prayer and recitation of Qur’aan. He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ] said: ‘That is a devil called Khanzab, so seek refuge with Allaah from him and spit drily to your left three times.’ I did that, and Allaah took him away from me.” This hadeeth proves the point we are making, which is 157

that waswasah can only overpower the one who is ignorant and confused and does not know what’s what. But the one who has knowledge and understanding will the Sunnah and keep away from bid’ah. The worst of the innovators are those who follow waswaas, hence Maalik (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated that his shaykh al-Rabee’ – who was the imam of the people of his time – was the fastest of the people in relieving himself and doing wudoo’. Ibn Hurmuz used to be slow in relieving himself and in doing wudoo’, and he used to say “I have a problem, do not follow my example.” Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said that one of the scholars thought it was mustahabb for the one who was affected by waswasah with regard to his wudoo or prayer to say Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah, for when the Shaytaan hears dhikr (remembrance of Allaah) he slinks away, and Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah is the best of dhikr, and the most effective remedy for warding off waswasah is to remember Allaah a great deal. We ask Allaah to take away the waswasah that you are suffering and to increase us and you in faith, righteousness and piety. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 21356: Should he leave home because of his sisters’ bad behaviour? Question: My life has fallen into a great difficulty. my sisters have 158

behaved badly. because of this, my father does not want to stay with us so is living in pakistan. but my sisters have got round my mother and they will not repent for their evil ways. my iman has become a joke for them. they have haram relationships. in their ignorance they taunt me that i will marry my cousin and they say it is illegal. i feel evil all around me. i am slowly becoming an outcast in my family just as my father became. i am losing my mind. i have no inner peace and when i do it doesnt last. i feel helpless. every day is a difficulty for me. i have conditioned myself to cope with the terrible situations in my family. i feel stressed. i cannot concentrate on anything. please brother can you give me some advice - should i leave home? should i stay with my father in Pakistan? please can you tell me if Allah is testing me or cleansing me of my sins. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: Your father made a grave mistake when he left the house and went back to his own country. Allaah has entrusted him with something and he has neglected that trust. What he should have done was to stay with his children in order to discipline them, look after them and take care of their affairs. Perhaps it is your father’s leaving that made your sisters’ behaviour even worse. So we advise you, first of all, to convince your father, as a matter of necessity, to come back to his wife and children, so that he can take care of them and discipline them, or for all of them to join him in Pakistan – even if 159

that is done by force or by trickery – and perhaps that would be better, because your staying in that land where there is kufr, evildoing and moral laxity is what is affecting your sisters’ attitude and behaviour. Secondly: Your mother, likewise, has to fear Allaah with regard to her daughters and not give them free rein. Now she has taken on a heavy burden of responsibility, especially since your father has left. So she should not take things lightly with regard to her daughters. Your mother has to realize the seriousness of what your sisters are doing and the damage their actions may do to all of you in this world, and the sin which will be upon them in the Hereafter and upon those who approved of their actions or who allowed them to do that and made it easy for them to do evil actions. Thirdly: You have to be patient and to give thought to every action before you do it. Staying with them is not entirely good, and leaving them is not entirely good. Rather the matter depends on the effects of your staying and the effects of your leaving. If your staying in the home will affect your religious commitment and your sanity, and make you fall into sin, then we advise you to leave. If your leaving will make their behaviour worse and your staying will not affect your religious commitment and sanity, then it is haraam for you to leave, because your leaving may make the sin worse, which would mean that you were neglecting your responsibility and being careless about that which has been entrusted to you. Fourthly: Perhaps this is a test from Allaah for you, to expiate for 160

your bad deeds and to raise you in status, not a punishment. Hence we advice you to be patient, not to make any hasty decisions, to make du’aa’ and to beseech your Lord to guide your sisters to be good and chaste. We advise you to look for means of guiding them such as getting them married, looking for good sisters for them to mix with, moving house, and so on. Perhaps when Allaah sees that you are sincere, He will help you and will guide your sisters and your mother, and will unite the family in religious commitment and goodness. For He is able to do that and He is the Guide to the Straight Path. We will tell you the following story, from which you may learn a lesson: It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: I used to call my mother to Islam when she was a mushrikah. I called her one day and she said something about the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that I did not like to hear. So I went to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) weeping, and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have been calling my mother to Islam, but she refuses. I called her today and she said something about you that I did not like to hear. Pray to Allaah to guide the mother of Abu Hurayrah.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “O Allaah, guide the mother of Abu Hurayrah.” I went out feeling optimistic because of the du’aa’ of the Prophet of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When I came home and reached the door, I saw that it was slightly ajar. My mother heard my footsteps and said, “Stay where you are, O Abu Hurayrah!” and I could hear the trickling of water. She took a bath and got dressed, and put on her headcover, then she opened the door and said, “O Abu Hurayrah, I bear witness that there is no god except Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger!” I 161

went back to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and I came to him weeping with joy. I said, “O Messenger of Allaah, rejoice, for Allaah has answered your prayer and guided the mother of Abu Hurayrah.” So he praised Allaah and said good words. I said, “O Messenger of Allaah, pray to Allaah to make my mother and me beloved to His believing slaves, and to make them beloved to us.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “O Allaah, make this slave of Yours – meaning Abu Hurayrah – and his mother beloved to Your believing slaves, and make the believers beloved to them.” So there are no believing people who hear of me even though they do not see me, but they love me. Narrated by Muslim, 2491 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 3793: Are there social classes in Islam? Question: What is the structure of the Islam social class? How does it work? And to what extent does it exist? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Human societies have known all kinds of class systems. In some societies there is a class of princes, a class of warriors, a class of farmers and a class of slaves, and based on this there is a lot of oppression, abuse and 162

trampling on people’s rights. But the sharee’ah or law of Allaah does not recognize such systems at all. Islam gives equal rights to all, rich and poor, noble and ignoble. The basic principle on which people are differentiated in Islam is mentioned in the Holy Qur’aan, in Soorat al-Hujuraat (interpretation of the meaning): “O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has al-taqwa [i.e., is one of the muttaqoon or pious]. Verily, Allaah is AllKnowing, All-Aware” [al-Hujuraat 49:13] The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O people! Verily your Lord is One and your father [Adam] is one. An Arab is no better than a non-Arab, and a non-Arab is no better than an Arab; a red man is no better than a black man and a black man is no better than a red man – except if it is in terms of taqwa (piety)…” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 22391; al-Silsilat al-Saheeh, 2700). This is the principle on which society is based in Islam. This is the global human society which mankind is trying to attain through its far-fetched ideas, but is failing to do so, because they are not following the one straight path that will lead them there, the way to God, may He be glorified, and because they are not standing under the one banner that could unite them, the banner of God, may He be exalted. People live on this earth connected by all kinds of relationships, all of which carry some weight or have some attraction in their lives… these include lineage, power, wealth, etc. From these stem other connections, practical, 163

economic, etc., where people have different positions and levels of status with regard to one another. So some people have more status than others in worldly terms… Then Islam comes and says: “the most honourable of you with Allaah [God] is that (believer) who has al-taqwa [i.e., is one of the muttaqoon or pious]” so it ignores all the values that carry weight in people’s lives, and replaces them all with this new value that is derived directly from the Revelation and is the only one that is recognized in the standards of God. This is piety and consciousness of God, which is manifested in the worship of God lone, with no partner, no son, no equal… obeying what He commands and avoiding what He forbids, seeking His pleasure and Paradise, and fearing His punishment and Hell-fire. Allaah is All-Seer of His slaves. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 23317: Problem of forgetting appointments Question: I am a young mother of two young children. I have found that since i have had my children my memory has gotten very bad. Subhanallah I forget so much. So many people ask things of me and i say yes to them and have full intention of doing it for them however i simply forget. I know that this is a problem also for most of the sisters these days also. I was told by my maternal nurse that it is normal when women start having children. can it also be because of sins? Will i be in sin for not keeping my word? 164

Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Perhaps your forgetfulness – or your weak memory – is a result of giving birth, as your doctor said. This is not something to worry about. Or this forgetfulness may be caused by sin, because sins result in punishments that affect the heart and the body. Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) mentioned more than sixty punishments for sin in his book al-Daa’ wa’l-Dawa’. So if a person feels that he is losing some blessing, he should hasten to repent to Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “That is so because Allaah will never change a grace which He has bestowed on a people until they change what is in their ownselves” [al-Anfaal 8:53] If a person makes a promise then forgets it unintentionally, there is no sin on him, because Allaah has forgiven this ummah for what they forget, as is indicated by the texts. For example, the last two verses of Soorat al-Baqarah (interpretation of the meaning): “Our Lord! Punish us not if we forget or fall into error” [al-Baqarah 2:286] And Allaah has said: “I have done that.” (Narrated by Muslim) There are also means that will help you to remember appointments, such as using a diary (in book or electronic form) to record appointments by day and date. This is a means which is proven to work. How many people forget 165

their appointments, but they organize them by using these reminders. Another means is using an electronic alarm clock or a mobile phone to remind you of the time of an appointment… and other modern means that are available. There are also audio reminders on which you can record appointments and it will speak to remind you of the appointment. Each person must pay as much attention as possible to this matter, because breaking promises is one of the signs of the hypocrites, as it says in the hadeeth: “There are four characteristics, whoever has them is a pure hypocrite, and whoever has one of them has one of the attributes of hypocrisy until he gives it up: when he speaks, he lies; when he makes a pledge he betrays it; when he makes a promise he breaks it; and when he disputes he resorts to obscene speech.” (Narrated by Muslim, 53) Keeping appointments is one of the signs of the people of faith. Similarly those who miss appointments for a reason such as that mentioned in the question should explain their reasons to the other party involved, so that he will not be offended. We ask Allaah to protect us and you from all kinds of evil. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 12734: How can she tell her non-Muslim mother that her husband is going to take a second wife? Question: what is the best way to tell my non muslim mother, who 166

is very critical of islam, that my husband is about to take on another wife? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is nothing wrong with you happening to mention to your mother whilst you are talking to her that your husband is thinking of taking a second wife, and telling her that he has valid reasons for doing so, such as not having any children from you, or that he is not satisfied with one wife, and so on. That will be like an introduction for her if she knows. But do not tell her about the matter now, less that open the door to problems for you that you can do without. If she finds out about that in the future, then you can explain to her, one way or another, that Islam is the religion of justice and does not approve of injustice on anyone’s part, and that in a plural marriage there are many great benefits which the countries which claim to be civilized cannot attain. (See question no. 12528). Even if she is not convinced at first, she will become convinced as the days and years go by. But you should not express too many objections about this matter in front of her, because by doing so you will provoke her to criticize Islam. Rather you have to show her that you accept this and approve of it, and show her that it is not affecting your relationship with your husband. Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 20161: Resisting sexual desires Question: I am a young married girl of twenty-one,my desires rule 167

over me and leave me restless, confused, frustrated and resentful, tell me o honorable sir how to get rid of evil desires in islam ? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Sexual desire is something that has been created in man and it cannot be got rid of. Getting rid of it is not something that is required of the Muslim; rather what is required of him is to refrain from using it in haraam ways, and to use it in the ways that Allaah has permitted. The problem of desire in a young woman may be solved by taking two steps. The first step is to reduce and weaken the things that may provoke desire in a person. This may be achieved in a number of ways, including the following: 1 – Lowering the gaze and refraining from looking at that which Allaah has forbidden. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts)” [al-Noor 24:31] The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not follow one glance with another, for the first is allowed but not the second.” There are many sources of haraam looking, such as looking directly at young men and thinking about their attractive looks, or looking at pictures in magazines and movies. 2 – Avoiding reading stories and novels which focus on 168

the sexual aspect, and avoiding reading internet websites which deal with such topics. 3 – Keeping away from bad company. 4 – Avoiding thinking about desire as much as possible. Thinking in and of itself is not haraam, but if one thinks about it for too long, that may lead a person to haraam actions. 5 – Spending one’s time in useful pursuits, because spare time may lead one to fall into haraam things. 6 – Avoiding as much as possible going to public places where young men and women mix. 7 – If a girl is tested with studying in a mixed environment, and cannot find any alternative, she has to remain modest, serious and dignified, and should avoid sitting with young men and speaking to them as much as possible. She should restrict her relationships to friendships with righteous female classmates. The second step is: To strengthen the factors that will prevent one acting in accordance with one’s desires. This is achieved in a number of ways, including the following: 1 – Strengthening the faith in one’s heart and strengthening one’s relationship with Allaah. This may be achieved by remembering Allaah a great deal, reading Qur’aan, thinking of the names and attributes of Allaah, and doing a lot of naafil prayers. Belief strengthens the heart and soul, and it helps one to resist temptation. 2 – Fasting, as taught by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding 169

one’s chastity. Whoever cannot afford it, then let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” This is addressed to young men, but it also includes young women. 3 – Strengthening one’s resolve and willpower, for this will make a young woman able to resist and control her desires. 4 – Remembering what Allaah has prepared for righteous young women. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, the Muslims (those who submit to Allaah in Islam) men and women, the believers men and women (who believe in Islamic Monotheism), the men and the women who are obedient (to Allaah), the men and women who are truthful (in their speech and deeds), the men and the women who are patient (in performing all the duties which Allaah has ordered and in abstaining from all that Allaah has forbidden), the men and the women who are humble (before their Lord Allaah), the men and the women who give Sadaqaat (i.e. Zakaah and alms), the men and the women who observe Sawm (fast) (the obligatory fasting during the month of Ramadaan, and the optional Nawafil fasting), the men and the women who guard their chastity (from illegal sexual acts) and the men and the women who remember Allaah much with their hearts and tongues. Allaah has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward (i.e. Paradise)” [al-Ahzaab 33:35] 5 – Thinking about the lives of righteous women who guarded their chastity, such as Maryam, whom Allaah praises in the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning): “And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of ‘Imraan who guarded her chastity. And We breathed into (the sleeve of her shirt or her garment) through Our Rooh [i.e. Jibreel 170

(Gabriel)], and she testified to the truth of the Words of her Lord [i.e. believed in the Words of Allaah: “Be!” and he was; that is ‘Eesa (Jesus), son of Maryam (Mary) as a Messenger of Allaah], and (also believed in) His Scriptures, and she was of the Qaanitoon (i.e. obedient to Allaah)” [al-Tahreem 66:12] And thinking about the immoral, fallen women, and comparing between the two types, for there is a huge difference between them. 6 – Choosing righteous companions and spending time with them, so that they can help one another to obey and worship Allaah. 7 – Comparing the effects of immediate fulfillment of desire when a girl responds to haraam, which is followed by loss of pleasure and all that is left is regret and sorrow, with patience and striving against one’s whims and desires, and realizing that the pleasure of conquering one’s whim and desires is far greater than the pleasures of enjoying haraam things. 8 – Seeking help by calling upon Allaah and asking Him for help. The Qur’aan tells us the lesson to be learned from the story of Yoosuf (peace be upon him): “He said: ‘O my Lord! Prison is dearer to me than that to which they invite me. Unless You turn away their plot from me, I will feel inclined towards them and be one (of those who commit sin and deserve blame or those who do deeds) of the ignorant’ So his Lord answered his invocation and turned away from him their plot. Verily, He is the AllHearer, the AllKnower”

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[Yoosuf 12:33 – interpretation of the meaning] Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com) 22704: How to be successful in life Question: How to obtain success and prosperity in this world and hereafter.What kind of success or prosperity that islam want the ummah islam gain in this world. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Peace of mind, contentment, happiness and freedom from worries and anxiety… these are what everyone wants, and these are the ways in which people can have a good life and find complete happiness and joy. There are religious means of achieving that, and natural and practical means, but no one can combine all of them except the believers; although other people may achieve some of them, they will miss out on others. There follows a summary of the means of achieving this aim for which everyone is striving. In some cases, those who achieve many of them will live a joyful life and a good life; in other cases, those who fail to achieve all of them will live a life of misery and hardship. And there are others which are in between, according to what the means he is able to attain. These means include the following: 1 – Faith and righteous deeds: This is the greatest and most fundamental of means. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 172

“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)” [al-Nahl 16:97] Allaah tells us and promises us that whoever combines faith with righteous deeds will have a good life and a good reward in this world and in the Hereafter. The reason for that is clear: those who believe in Allaah – with sincere faith that motivates them to do righteous deeds that change hearts and attitudes and guides them to the straight path in this world and the Hereafter – follow principles and guidelines by means of which they deal with everything that happens to them, be it the causes of happiness and excitement or the causes of anxiety, worry and grief. They deal with the things that they like by accepting them and giving thanks for them, and using them in good ways. When they deal with them in this manner, that creates in them a sense of excitement and the hope that it will continue and that they will be rewarded for their gratitude, which is more important than the good things that happen to them. And they deal with bad things, worries and distress by resisting those that they can resist, alleviating those that they can alleviate, and bearing with goodly patience those that they cannot avoid. Thus as a result of the bad things they gain a lot of benefits, experience, strength, patience and hope of reward, which are more important and which diminish the hardships they have undergone and replace them with happiness and hope for the bounty and reward of Allaah. The Prophet (peace and 173

blessings of Allaah be upon him) expressed this in a saheeh hadeeth in which he said: “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2999). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us that the believer is always gaining and the reward for his deeds is always multiplying, no matter what happens to him, good or bad. 2 – Being kind to people in word and deed, and all kinds of doing good. This is one of the means of removing worry, distress and anxiety. By this means Allaah wards off worries and distress from righteous and immoral like, but the believer has the greater share of that, and is distinguished by the fact that his kindness to others stems from sincerity and the hope of reward, so Allaah makes it easy for him to be kind to others because of the hope that this will bring good things and ward off bad things, by means of his sincerity and hope of reward. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “There is no good in most of their secret talks save (in) him who orders Sadaqah (charity in Allaah’s Cause), or Ma‘roof (Islamic Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds which Allaah has ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does this, seeking the good Pleasure of Allaah, We shall give him a great reward” [al-Nisa’ 4:114] Part of that great reward is relief from worry, distress, troubles, etc. 174

3 – Another of the means of warding off anxiety that stems from nervous tension and being preoccupied with disturbing thoughts is to occupy oneself with good deeds or seeking beneficial knowledge, for that will distract one from dwelling on the matters that are causing anxiety. In this way a person may forget about the things that are making him worried and distressed, and he may become happy and more energetic. This is another means that believers and others have in common, but the believer is distinguished by his faith, sincerity and hope of reward when he occupies himself with that knowledge which he is learning or teaching, or with the good deeds that he is doing. The work with which he occupies himself should be something that he likes and enjoys, for that is more likely to produce the desired results. And Allaah knows best. 4 – Another thing that may ward off worry and anxiety is focusing all one’s thoughts of the present day, and not worrying about the future or grieving about the past. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sought refuge with Allaah from worry and regret, from regret for things in the past which one cannot put right or change, and worry which may come because of fear for the future. So one should focus only on the present day, and focus one’s efforts on getting things right today. For if a person is focused on that, this means that he will do things properly and forget about worry and regret. When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said a du’aa’ or taught a du’aa’ to his ummah, as well as urging them to seek the help of Allaah and hope for His bounty, he was also urging them to strive to attain the thing they were praying for through their own efforts and to forget about the thing which they were praying would be warded off from them. Because du’aa’ (supplication) must be accompanied by action. So a person must strive to attain that which will benefit him in worldly 175

and spiritual terms, and ask his Lord to make his efforts successful, and he should seek His help in that, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Strive for that which will benefit you and seek the help of Allaah, and do not be helpless. If anything (bad) happens to you, do not say, ‘If only I had done such-andsuch, then such-and-such would have happened.’ Rather you should say, ‘Qaddara Allaah wa ma sha’a fa’ala (Allaah decrees, and what He wills He does),’ for (the words) ‘If only’ open the door to the Shaytaan.” (Narrated by Muslim). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) connected the matter of striving to achieve good things with the matter of seeking the help of Allaah and not giving in to feelings of helplessness which are a harmful kind of laziness, and with the matter of accepting things in the past which are over and done with, and acknowledging that the will and decree of Allaah will inevitably come to pass. He described matters as being of two types: 1 – Matters which a person may strive to achieve or to achieve whatever he can of them, or to ward them off or alleviate them. In such cases a person must strive and make the effort, and also seek the help of Allaah. 2 – Matters where such is not possible, so he must have peace of mind, accept them and submit to Allaah’s will. Undoubtedly paying attention to this principle will bring happiness and relieve worry and distress. 5 – One of the greatest means of feeling content and relaxed and of acquiring peace of mind is to remember Allaah a great deal (dhikr). That has a great effect in bringing contentment and peace of mind, and relieving worry and distress. Allaah says: “verily, in the remembrance of Allaah do hearts find rest” [al-Ra’d 13:28] 176

Remembering Allaah (dhikr) has a great effect in achieving this aim because it has a special influence and because of the hope that it brings of reward. 6 – Another of the means of bringing happiness and relieving worry and distress is striving to eliminate the things that cause worry and to achieve the things that bring happiness. That may be done by forgetting about bad things in the past which cannot be changed, and realizing that dwelling on them is a waste of time. So a person must strive to stop himself from thinking of that, and also strive to stop himself from feeling anxious about the future and the things that he may imagine of poverty, fear and other bad things that he thinks may happen to him in the future. He should realize that the future is something unknown, he cannot know what good or bad things are going to happen to him. That is in the hand of the Almighty, the Most Wise, and all that His slaves can do is to strive to attain the good things and to ward off the bad things. A person should realize that if he diverts his thoughts from worrying about his future and puts his trust in his Lord to take care of his situation, and puts his mind at rest concerning that, if he does that, then his heart will be at peace and his situation will improve and he will be relieved of worry and anxiety. One of the most effective ways of dealing with worries about the future is to recite this du’aa’ which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to recite: “Allaahumma aslih li deeni alladhi huwa ‘ismatu amri, wa aslih li dunyaaya allati fiha ma’aashi, wa aslih li aakhirati allati ilayha ma’aadi, waj’al al-hayaata ziyaadatan li fi kulli khayr, wa’l-mawta raahatan li min kulli sharr (O Allaah, correct my religious commitment which is the foundation of my life, and correct my worldly affairs in which is my livelihood, and grant me good in the Hereafter to which is my return. Make my life a means 177

of accumulating good, and make death a respite for me from all evil).” (Narrated by Muslim, 2720). And he said, “Allaahumma rahmataka arju fa la takilni ila nafsi tarfata ‘aynin wa aslih li sha’ni kullahu, laa ilaaha illa anta (O Allaah, for Your mercy I hope, so do not abandon me to myself even for a moment. And correct all my affairs. There is no god but You).” (Narrated by Abu Dawood with a saheeh isnaad, no. 5090; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Kalim al-Tayyib, p. 49). If a person utters these du’aa’s, which ask that his spiritual and worldly affairs may be set right or corrected, with proper presence of mind and sincerity of intention, whilst striving to achieve that, Allaah will grant him what he has prayed for, hoped for and striven for, and He will turn his worry into joy and happiness. 7 – If a person experiences anxiety and distress because of a disaster, then one of the most effective means of relieving himself of that is to think of the worst scenario to which that may lead, and try to accept that. When he has done that, then he should try to alleviate it as much as possible. By means of this acceptance and these efforts, he will relieve himself of his worries and distress, and instead of worrying he will strive to bring about good things and to deal with whatever he can of the bad things. If he is faced with things that cause fear or the possibility of sickness or poverty, then he should deal with that by striving to make himself accept that, or something even worse, with contentment, because by making himself accept the worst-case scenario, he lessens the impact of the thing and makes it seem less terrible, especially if he occupies himself with efforts to ward it off as much as he can. Thus as well as striving to achieve something good which will distract him from his worries about calamity, he will also renew his strength to resist bad things, and put his trust and reliance in Allaah. 178

Undoubtedly these matters are of great benefit in attaining happiness and peace of mind, as well as bringing the hope of reward in this world and in the Hereafter. This is something which is well known from the experience of many who have tried it. 8 – Steadfastness of heart and not being disturbed about the imaginary things that bad thoughts may bring to mind. For when a person gives in to his imagination and lets his mind be disturbed by these thoughts, such as fear of disease and the like, or anger and confusion stirred up by some grievous matter, or the expectation of bad things and the loss of good things, that will fill him with worries, distress, mental and physical illness and nervous breakdowns, which will have a bad effect on him and which causes a great deal of harm, as many people have seen. But when a person depends on Allaah and puts his trust in Him, and does not give in to his imagination or let bad thoughts overwhelm him, and he relies on Allaah and has hope of His bounty, that wards off his worries and distress, and relieves him of a great deal of mental and physical sickness. It gives indescribable strength, comfort and happiness to the heart. How many hospitals are filled with the mentally sick victims of illusions and harmful imagination; how often have these things had an effect upon the hearts of many strong people, let alone the weak ones; how often have they led to foolishness and insanity. It should be noted that your life will follow your train of thought. If your thoughts are of things that will bring you benefit in your spiritual or worldly affairs, then your life will be good and happy. Otherwise it will be the opposite. The person who is safe from all of that is the one who is protected by Allaah and helped by Him to strive to achieve that which will benefit and strengthen the heart and ward off anxiety. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 179

“And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him” [al-Talaaq 65:3] i.e., He will be sufficient for all that is worrying him in his spiritual and worldly affairs. The one who puts his trust in Allaah will have strength in his heart and will not be affected by anything he imagines or be disturbed by events, because he knows that these are the result of vulnerable human nature and of weakness and fear that have no basis. He also knows that Allaah has guaranteed complete sufficiency to those who put their trust in Him. So he trusts in Allaah and finds peace of mind in His promise, and thus his worry and anxiety are dispelled; hardship is turned to ease, sadness is turned to joy, fear is turned to peace. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound, and to bless us with strength and steadfastness of heart, and complete trust, for Allaah has guaranteed all good things to those who put their trust in Him, and has guaranteed to ward off all bad and harmful things from them. If bad things happen or there is the fear of such, then you should count the many blessings that you are still enjoying, both spiritual and worldly, and compare them with the bad things that have happened, for when you compare them you will see the many blessings that you are enjoying, and this will make the bad things appear less serious. See al-Wasaa’il al-Mufeedah li’l-Hayaat al-Sa’eedah by Shatkh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Sa’di Ibn al-Qayyim summed fifteen ways through which Allaah may dispel worries and regret. These are as follows: 1- Tawheed al-Ruboobiyyah (belief in the Oneness of Divine Lordship) 180

2- Tawheed al-Uloohiyyah (belief in the Oneness of the Divine nature) 3- Tawheed of knowledge and belief (i.e., Tawheed alAsma’ wa’l_Sifaat, belief in the Oneness of the Divine names and attributes) 4- Thinking of Allaah as being above doing any injustice to His slaves, and above punishing anyone for no cause on the part of the slave that would require such punishment. 5- The person’s acknowledging that he is the one who has done wrong. 6- Beseeching Allaah by means of the things that are most beloved to Him, which are His names and attributes. Two of His names that encompass the meanings of all other names and attributes are al-Hayy (the Ever-Living) and al-Qayyoom (the Eternal). 7- Seeking the help of Allaah Alone. 8- Affirming one’s hope in Him. 9- Truly putting one’s trust in Him and leaving matters to Him, acknowledging that one’s forelock is in His hand and that He does as He wills, that His will is forever executed and that He is just in all that He decrees. 10-Letting one’s heart wander in the garden of the Qur’aan, seeking consolation in it from every calamity, seeking healing in it from all diseases of the heart, so that it will bring comfort to his grief and healing for his worries and distress. 11-Seeking forgiveness. 12-Repentance. 13-Jihad. 181

14-Salaah (prayer). 15-Declaring that he has no power and no strength, and leaving matters to the One in Whose hand they are. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and sound from worries and to relieve us of distress and anxiety, for He is the AllHearing, Ever-Responsive, and He is the Ever-Living, Eternal. See Alhomoom – Dealing with Worries and Stress, in the Books section of this site. And Allaah knows best. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions. Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 26784: Her husband sits with non-mahrams and she objects to that Question: My husband & his family members act as is they are all mahrum.[eg;with his brothers wife,uncle’s wife etc] when i tell him that this is not permissable he says that he can not do anything about it. He also enjoys watching movies[in which there sometimes are bad things].My telling him over & over not to do these things are making him very angry.He has asked me not to pester him. He has so many other little bad habits. but he is kind & good.

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I am a very emotional person & I feel very very sad, jelouse & angry. I am very young and unable to handle these situations sometimes.please tell me what to do. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We begin by thanking Allaah for this gheerah (protective jealousy); may Allaah help you to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil. We advise you to continue with what you are doing of advising your husband and his relatives in the best manner, until you find among these people someone whom Allaah will guide at your hands to give up these haraam actions. In this way it will become easier for those who think that they are weak and unable to change, to mend their ways and adhere to the commands of sharee’ah. You have to seek help in your efforts to advise them by praying to Allaah for these people, being kind to them and not acting superior to them, but rather showing kindness and compassion towards them, because that is more likely to be accepted and this is something that may earn their respect despite your young age. In addition to that, you must also strive to avoid joining them in the wrong things that they are doing, lest you yourself weaken with regard to these evil actions, especially the bad movies that you mentioned. The believer cannot assume that he is safe from temptation, rather he must help himself to fight it by keeping away from bad things and by making du’aa’. With regard to what you said about feeling sad, jealous and angry for the sake of one’s religion, this is a blessing from Allaah to His slave – but these feelings must be controlled according to the guidelines of sharee’ah. Sadness should not lead to despair and so on. Allaah said 183

to His Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “So destroy not yourself (O Muhammad) in sorrow for them” [Faatir 35:8] Anger should not put off those whom you are calling, for the purpose is to reform him, not simply to express one’s frustration and anger. So long as your husband is a Muslim who prays and is kind (as you mention), then be patient with him and continue to call him (da’wah); perhaps Allaah will bless you by guiding him and causing him to follow the ways of chastity. Perhaps if you think about the calamities that have befallen other wives who have suffered because of husbands who are worse than yours, that will make you put your husband’s sins into perspective. We ask Allaah to guide him and you, and to guide us and all of mankind to that which He loves and is pleased with. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 20130: Our worries are bothering us a great deal! Question: My question is about a problem that my husband and I are suffering from, namely that we think about every little thing and we worry a great deal. This is affecting our worship; all the time we think about the worries and 184

problems that we are going through. Is there any solution to this? Thank you very much Answer: Praise be to Allaah. I thank you for your trust and ask Allaah to give us and you strength and wisdom, and to show us what is true and help us to follow it, and to show us what is false and help us to avoid it, and not to let it confuse us and lead us astray… With regard to what you asked about, my comments on it are as follows: 1 –Thinking about the matters of our daily lives, and our private and public affairs is something that is essential and important, it is necessary in order for us to deal with these matters and benefit from them in the appropriate manner. The Qur’aan – which is the word of Allaah – urges us to think, in more than one verse, for example: “…and think deeply about the creation of the heavens and the earth, (saying): Our Lord! You have not created (all) this without purpose…” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:191] “And on the earth are signs for those who have Faith with certainty. And also in your ownselves. Will you not then see?” [al-Dhaariyaat 51:20-21] “Will you not then take thought?” [al-An’aam 6:50] “Have you then no understanding?”[al-Baqarah 2:76] 185

And there are other verses which encourage us to think about our affairs and indeed about the life and creation around us. So thinking in and of itself is not a problem, rather it is required, important and essential, and it is enjoined by our religion and encouraged by our Qur’aan. 2 – This “thinking” may become a psychological or social problem if it prevents a person from playing his natural role that is expected of him in life. Such as thinking that things are more serious than they really are, or thinking too much about matters where thinking about them will not change anything at all, rather that only causes distress and becomes an obstacle prevents one from taking any initiative, and make him hesitant and confused, and unable to take any decision. Thinking may become a problem in shar’i terms if it makes a person go beyond his intellectual limits in thinking about matters of the unseen and things that he can never comprehend, which may open many doors for the accursed Shaytaan to influence him. 3 – With regard to thinking a great deal about everything and worrying about every problem, this is to some extent a natural thing, so long as it does not prevent you from living your lives in a natural manner. What I mean here is, is this thinking helping you to come up with solutions to these problems that you are facing? Do these situations deserve all the time that you are spending on thinking about them? If the answer is yes, then there is no problem! But if the answer is no, then you yourself are admitting that they do not warrant that, and then you are halfway to solving the problem, which is to identify the problem and take a decision concerning it. Because when we know what the problem is, it is easy for us to find the right way of dealing with it. 186

4 – Overcoming these problems needs some discipline and some time. You can make the decision to start and you are able, with the help and support of Allaah, to do that. You have to trust yourselves in this regard! 5 – I suggest to you that you divide your concerns and problems into three categories or levels: · Concerns and problems that have a direct impact upon your married and social lives in a serious manner that may lead to breakdown in relationships. These must be given their due measure of objective thought and you should try to reach an agreement and settle the matter. They should not be ignored for so long that it becomes too difficult to deal with them. · The second level is concerns or problems in which the positive and negative aspects are equal and in which you are involved. In these cases you should pray istikhaarah to Allaah, and it is o.k. to consult others concerning them and to weigh up alternatives, then decide what you think is the solution, bearing in mind issues of sharee’ah and custom, without going to extremes in worrying about it. · The third level is concerns and worries that do not concern you at all, because they have to do with other people. It is better not to get involved in them and waste your time with them, because they simply do not concern you and your opinion does not matter. 6 – The concerns and matters of our daily lives inevitably fall into one of three categories: . Matters which are in the past and are over and done with. We should not worry about these too much, except to the extent from which we can learn from our mistakes and experiences when dealing with things in the future. The past cannot come back and there is no need to worry about things that are over and done with. 187

· Matters which lay ahead in the future. It is more appropriate not to think about these a great deal before they happen, because the future is part of the unseen, and all that we have to do in this case is to examine the choices we have in this matter if it comes to pass. When the time comes, we have to put our trust in Allaah and take a decision. · Matters of day-to-day life. This is where we attempt to weigh up all the available alternatives, and it is o.k. to consult others with regard to these things and to exchange ideas without going to extremes or worrying too much. In the end, things will turn out as we hope, by Allaah’s leave, so long as we pursue the means of praying istikhaarah and consulting others, and good lies in that which is chosen by Allaah. 7 – Getting used to this requires some discipline. You could agree with your husband to cooperate in this matter and remind one another when you are worrying more than you need to about a matter. Gradually you will find that you are becoming able to deal with day-to-day matters in an objective manner. 8 – There is a good book on the topic of anxiety which gives practical means of dealing with this matter, and I advise you to read it. It is called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. 9 – First and last, have a good intention and pray sincerely that Allaah will give you strength and help you and set your thinking straight. Ahmad al-Muqbil : (islam Today) (www.islam-qa.com)

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22706: Mixing with relatives who backbite Question: I have recently started to make a conscious effort to become a good practicing muslim. Beyond the basics tenants of faith I have also started to read about and gain knowledge about Islam. Keeping ties with relatives is good practice in Islam. To gain the pleasures of Allah (SWT) I am making a conscious effort to meet them whom previously i used to avoid. It seems though the more I and my family mix with relatives the more they talk behind our backs and spread baseless slanderous remarks. This is very hurtful and it takes a lot of patience to ignore and be indifferent to people with such habits. What would be the correct way to deal with the such relatives? Previously i would have confronted such people with anger, but now i know nothing will be gained only bad feelings and anger. Should I leave such people for Allah to deal with? Please advise on this also which duas can i recite to increase my patience? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The attribute of patience is a high status with which Allaah blesses whomsoever He wills among His slaves, to make it easy for them to obey His commands and heed His prohibitions. Your attempts to bring people together and to get closer to your relatives is a praiseworthy effort which points to your success and correct thinking. For many people, if they are faced with even a part of what you have suffered, quickly lose patience and respond to cutting off of ties in like manner, because they think that upholding family ties is only obligatory when relatives respond in the same manner. This is a mistaken notion and the fact that it is mistaken is indicated by the hadeeth 189

which was narrated from Abu Hurayrah, which says that a man said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have relatives with whom I uphold the ties of kinship but they cut me off; I treat them well but they mistreat me; I am patient with them but they treat me in an ignorant manner.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If it is as you say, then it is as if you are stuffing hot ashes [in their mouths], and you will have with you [an angel] from Allaah to support you against them so long as you continue to be like that.” (Narrated by Muslim, no. 2285). In this hadeeth, a man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) complaining of his relatives’ bad treatment of him, and in his complaint he mentioned something similar to what you have mentioned: he upheld the ties of kinship but they cut him off, he treated them well but they treated him badly. Yet despite that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told him that if he was telling the truth, then his situation with them would be like one fills their mouths with ashes, so he is the one who is doing the right thing, and he would continue to have support from Allaah against them. The general meaning of the hadeeth is to encourage the upholding of family ties even with those who doe not themselves uphold those ties. Praise be to Allaah that this is what you have done and have forced yourself to do. I ask Allaah to help you to do that which is good. After that there is nothing more that you can do except to follow one good deed with another, one kind action with another. If they mistreat you then do to them the opposite of that which they have done to you. You should note that when you do that, you are doing it only to earn the pleasure and mercy of Allaah. Do not expect any response to your good deed from them. But try not to tell people what they are doing to you. If you 190

think that one of the causes of this problem is too much contact with them, there is nothing wrong with your reducing your visits with them. Pray to Allaah to guide them; pray to Him when you are certain of a response, for Allaah is Able to turn their hatred into love and their neglect into close ties. With regard to your question about du’aa’s that will help you to be patient when faced with difficulties, there are many such du’aa’s, and we will tell you some of them here: -1It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “When faced with difficulties the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would say: ‘Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah al-‘Azeem al-Haleem, laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb il-‘Arsh il-‘Azeem, laa ilaaha ill-Allaah Rabb ul-samawaati wa Rabb ul-‘Arsh il-Kareem (There is no god except Allaah, the Almighty, the Forbearing; there is no god except Allaah the Lord of the Mighty Throne; there is no god except Allaah, Lord of the heavens and Lord of the noble Throne).’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7426). According to a report narrated by Muslim: “When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was concerned about an important matter or when he was worried…” (Muslim, 2130). -2It was narrated that Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was distressed by something, he would say, ‘Ya Hayyu, ya Qayyoom, bi rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever-Living, O Eternal One, by Your mercy 191

I seek help).’” (narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3524); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4777). We also want to tell you of something important which will help you to be more patient and will give you certain faith in Allaah, especially when you are upset and worried. This is something which many people neglect. Do you know what it is? It is prayer, for prayer has a great effect in bringing peace to the heart and in dispelling worries and distress. It is one of the greatest means of being patient. This is indicated by the Qur’aan and Sunnah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And seek help in patience and As-Salaah (the prayer) and truly, it is extremely heavy and hard except for AlKhaashi‘oon [i.e. the true believers in Allaah — those who obey Allaah with full submission, fear much from His punishment, and believe in His Promise (Paradise) and in His Warnings (Hell)]” [al-Baqarah 2:45] Prayer is the greatest thing by means of which help may be sought. And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Indeed, We know that your breast is straitened at what they say. So glorify the praises of your Lord and be of those who prostrate themselves (to Him). And worship your Lord until there comes unto you the certainty (i.e. death)” [al-Hijr 15:97-99] Imaam Ibn Jareer al-Tabari said in his Tafseer: “ ‘So glorify the praises of your Lord’: with regard to matters which 192

are worrying you, turn to Allaah and give thank to Allaah and praise Him, and pray, and Allaah will take care of that which is troubling you. This is similar to the hadeeth narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): ‘When something troubled him, he would turn to prayer.’” (7/ 553) Finally I ask Allaah the Almighty, the Lord of the Mighty Throne, to bless us and you with certain faith, for He is Able to do that. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 5 21696: He bequeathed one-third of his wealth to his daughters as a punishment to his son for taking all the money Question: One year before my father died, he gave to each of us – three daughters and one son – the papers pertaining to the accounts where he had deposited the money he had been saving for us; he had suffered a great deal during the years he was working abroad to save this money for us and provide us with this money. So none of us dared to withdraw any money without referring to him, out of respect for him. Then my brother withdrew all the money in the account following an argument which arose between my brother and my sister. My father (may Allaah have mercy on him) was on the girls’ side, which made my brother (may Allaah forgive him) withdraw all the money which my father had deposited in his account then handed over the documentation. When he (my brother) found out about this will, he started court proceedings to prove the will legally invalid. When his father found out about it from the bank, he was deeply shocked, and he told him to put the money back because he needed it, as he was sick. But my brother refused to return the money, which had a bad effect on my father. My father died angry with my brother, and he had written a will leaving one-third of his money to his daughters; this will was intended as a punishment to my brother which my father wrote before he died, understanding fully what he was saying. I myself refused to accept this will because I was not comfortable with it, and I insisted on taking only that which was due to me 194

according to sharee’ah. I advised my sisters to ignore this will, in order to correct any mistake that my father may have made and so as to uphold good relations with my brother as Allaah enjoins upon us to do. But my many attempts did not succeed, and they went ahead and executed the will through the courts. The tears of my mother (may Allaah have mercy on her) did not succeed in deterring them from insisting on the will being executed. I also tried several times to deter my brother from entering into a dispute with my sisters in the court, in order to protect the name and reputation of our father. I asked him to consider this as a punishment in this world for what he had done to my father. But he refused to give up what he considered to be his right for any reason, and all of them accused me of not supporting the truth. I kept myself out of this dispute by appointing a lawyer to declare my objection to this matter from the outset. I hope that you can advise me of the shar’i ruling and what my siblings’ position is according to sharee’ah. Please tell me what my duty towards them is, when they have adopted this stance towards me on this matter despite my many attempts to maintain good relations with them and honour them. Please advise me, may Allaah reward you. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is unfortunate that there are many such cases among siblings, and what makes the matter even more regrettable is that the reason for this dispute is money. In fact I appreciate our sister’s good nature and wisdom, since she has preferred peace to entering into a dispute with her brother, and she has tried to contain the problem and solve 195

it within the family. This in itself should be considered the beginning of a proper solution. As for the answer to this question, it may be answered in the following points: Firstly: The money which your father had saved for you and gone to great lengths for your benefit, is the due of everyone whom Allaah has decreed has a share of inheritance. Each of you has a share allotted by sharee’ah after the death of your father; none of you have the right to keep this money for himself and deny it to the rest of the heirs, because by doing so he is transgressing upon the rights of others. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “but transgress not the limits. Truly, Allaah likes not the transgressors”[al-Baqarah 2:190] It was narrated by Abu Harrah al-Raqaashi that his paternal uncle said: “I was holding on to the reins of the she-camel of Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man’s wealth is not permissible except with his consent.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 20172; classed as saheeh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Irwaa’, 1761). On this basis, what your brother did by taking this money is considered to be a haraam action, especially since he took the money when your father was still alive and he is not entitled to any of the money until after his father died. Indeed, after his father’s death he is not entitled to anything more than the share which Allaah has allocated to him in the laws of inheritance. So what your brother must do is to repent to Allaah and restore the rights of people. Secondly: The will which your father wrote was not acceptable 196

according to sharee’ah, and it is not permissible for you to demand that it be executed, because a person who is designated as an heir according to sharee’ah cannot be given something in the will (wasiyyah). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has given each person his rights and no will can be made in favour of an heir.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2120; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1722), So it is not permissible for you to demand it, even if your brother has taken your money. But you may demand what Allaah has granted you in the laws of inheritance. Thirdly: You should continue to advise and guide them and try to bring them together as much as you can. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allaah for that. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “There is no good in most of their secret talks save (in) him who orders Sadaqah (charity in Allaah’s Cause), or Ma‘roof (Islamic Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds which Allaah has ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does this, seeking the good Pleasure of Allaah, We shall give him a great reward” [al-Nisa’ 4:114] Keep telling your sisters not to demand more than they are entitled to, and that demanding one-third is something that is not permitted. Try also to convince your brother, in a good way, to give your sisters that which is rightfully theirs, and to show mercy to his sisters after his father’s death instead of being a torment to them. You will undoubtedly face problems in doing that, but be patient. We ask Allaah to make you steadfast. 197

Fourthly: If you are doing the right thing, it will not matter if people blame you or accuse you of being biased. Be steadfast in adhering to the truth. Finally, we call on all of you to fear Allaah and to ward off this scandalous dispute which does not make anyone happy apart from the Shaytaan, those in whose hearts is a disease and everyone who enjoys the troubles of others or is filled with malicious envy. I ask Allaah to put things right between you. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 10362: The closest of people to her raped her Question: She was raped by her father and was no longer considered a virgin, then she had an illicit relationship with a man. Then she repented and performed ‘Umrah, and she wants to get married. What should she do, and should she tell her husband? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. She should praise Allaah for the blessings of guidance and be steadfast in adhering to the truth. She should do a lot of acts of worship and obedience. She should try her utmost not to be alone with her father in the house. She does not have to tell her husband about what happened, 198

if she gets married. She should ask Allaah to conceal it and to grant her a way out. Her father is a criminal who should be advised, rebuked and deterred. We ask Allaah to keep us all safe and sound. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 26231: Ruling on bringing a servant into the home Question: What is the ruling if a wife asks for a servant to help her, especially when she is a student and has a child, and her family and her husband’s family are not in the same city? Please note that the husband has a sufficient income and that when the wife was still living at home, her family had servants. She needs someone to help her. Please also note that she will require the servant to wear proper Islamic dress and to adhere to the limits set by sharee’ah. Please answer us, may Allaah reward you with good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. In the earliest days, the Muslims used to have slaves, female and male, who used to serve them. Slavery was abolished [in Saudi Arabia] in 1386 AH, and there are no slaves any more. The people began to bring female servants from some other countries such as the Philippines, Sri Lanka etc. In this situation the people 199

had no choice but to bring servants. It is permissible for a woman to bring a servant, but she should make sure that she is a Muslim and that she is trustworthy and there is no fear of her causing harm, and that she adheres to the rulings of Islam, is modest and observes hijaab; she should avoid meeting men, and if any man enters the house she should wear hijaab as women do in front of non-mahram men. Bringing such a servant should be the matter of necessity, and when the wife is able to do without her, she should be sent back to her family. (If these conditions are met), then it is permissible to bring servants according to need. Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen (www.islam-qa.com) 20044: Can he delay Hajj because of problems with his wife? Question: I am speaking on behalf of my brother. He is planning to do Hajj this year, but for the following reason he is confused about whether he should do so. Unfortunately he is on bad terms with his wife and they are not living together. He is living with his parents and she is living alone with their son. Since his marital problems remain unresolved-i.e. he has not divorced her and neither are they living happily together, he is unsure whether it is right for him to leave his problems unresolved and do Hajj. Could you please give some advice on the matter. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. When a Muslim is able to do Hajj, he should hasten to do 200

it, and it is not permissible for him to delay it for no reason, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Hasten to do Hajj – i.e., the obligatory Hajj – for none of you knows what will happen to him.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 2721; classed as saheeh by alAlbaani in al-Irwa’, 990). And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever wants to do Hajj, let him hasten to do so.” (Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1524). What you have mentioned about your brother’s problems is not a reason for delaying Hajj, because Hajj will not prevent him from dealing with this problem, since it is within his power to try to solve this problem and finish with it before he goes for Hajj. His Hajj may be the means of his problem being solved, because of the help from Allaah it may bring and the blessing (barakah) of Hajj and obedience to Allaah. It may be that he will make du’aa’ during his Hajj with regard to this matter, and Allaah will answer and relieve him of this distress. Moreover, our advice to your brother is that he should not hasten to divorce his wife, rather he should take his time and not rush into anything. For divorce is something that Allaah dislikes. If the problem between him and his wife is because of negligence on her part regarding one of the duties towards Allaah, such as if she neglects to pray or is not chaste, etc, then he has to warn her and remind her about Allaah, and call her to Allaah, and try to guide her to obey Allaah. If she persists in not responding to him, then in that case there is nothing to be gained by keeping her. But if the problem between them is of the common type of problems between spouses, and has to do with differences of opinion concerning day to day life and 201

household matters, etc., then he has to be patient and treat her kindly, and try hard to correct what he thinks is inappropriate. For Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good” [al-Nisa’ 4:19] The husband has to live with his wife honourably and keep her company in a good way, refraining from harming her, and treating her kindly. Living with her honourably also means putting up with any annoyance that his wife may cause him, and he should remember that he will have a great reward for that from Allaah. A man may dislike his wife, but he keeps her out of obedience to Allaah and treats her kindly, and then Allaah brings about a great deal of good from that. He may be blessed with righteous children from her who will benefit him in this world and in the Hereafter; or his dislike may be taken away and replaced with love, as often happens. The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another.” (Narrated by Muslim, 1469). What this means is that it is not appropriate for a believing man to hate a believing woman, because even if he finds some bad characteristic in her for which he may dislike her, he will find another, praiseworthy, characteristic for which he will love her, such as her being chaste or kind or obedient, or some other good characteristic. The same is true of all people, each person has some good attributes and some bad attributes. As the poet said: “Who is there that is pleasing in all his characteristics? It is enough honour for a man’s faults to be few enough to count.” 202

The wise man is the one who weighs up both the good characteristics and the bad. Your brother should make a lot of du’aa’ in the places and at the times when du’aa’ is especially encouraged, during Hajj and otherwise, asking that Allaah may reconcile him with his wife and create love between their hearts. And Allaah knows best. May Allaah bestow blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 26333: Her sister mistreated her – should she forsake her? Question: I am a 19-year-old girl. I have lost my father and my mother, and have become very withdrawn and introverted. Everyone tells me that I have changed a lot. I always sit in my room and not with my sisters. I have a sister at home who is one year older than me, but I do not talk to her for many reasons, which only shyness prevents me from mentioning… She has hurt me a great deal with her words, and I cannot stand it, so I have cut off my relationship with her even though we live in the same house. This has gone on for months. We do not eat together or meet at any other time, each of us lives alone … My question is: is my not speaking to her a kind of cutting off the ties of kinship, and is there any sin on me for that? Note that I felt at peace after that, and that was all I wanted? We have a kaafir female servant, and if I ask her for something she throws it at me in a very rude manner. She 203

only does this with me. If I tell her off and rebuke her, is there any sin on me for that? What is Witr prayer – how many rak’ahs is it and how and when is it to be done? How many rak’ahs are there in Taraaweeh prayer? Is it permissible to hold the Mus-haf whilst praying, or a notebook containing du’aa’s? Answer: Praise be to Allaah, and blessings and peace be upon the Messenger of Allaah. We ask Allaah to compensate you with the best of that with which He compensates His slaves who are patient, and to expand your heart, and to make things easier for you, and to improve your relationship with your family, for He is All-Hearing, Ever-Near. With regard to your forsaking your sister, if that is because she is doing something that goes against sharee’ah, and your forsaking her will achieve some purpose for you, by keeping you safe from her evil and harm, or it will achieve some purpose for her, by influencing her and making her give up her sin, then there is nothing wrong with it. But if it is for some personal reasons, or for some difference of opinion over some worldly matters, such as some family problems, then it is not permissible to forsake her or cut off ties with her. If you greet her with salaams, then you are no longer regarded as having forsaken her. That does not necessarily mean that you have to spend a lot of time with her or talk to her a lot, especially if such contact will not serve any purpose for you or for her. We advise you to try to get to know some good and 204

righteous women by attending gatherings of good women, such as classes to memorize Qur’aan and the like, so that they can be a good help to you in doing good, and a means of warding off this introversion of which you complain, and so that you may benefit from their knowledge and activities. We also advise you to try to benefit from your free time by listening to useful tapes and reading useful books which will increase you in faith and knowledge. With regard to the servant who is falling short in her work and mistreating you, there is nothing wrong with you rebuking her and disciplining her in a manner appropriate to her misbehaviour and in a manner that will improve her, without transgressing the limits or harming her. With regard to the rulings on Witr and Taraaweeh prayers, you will find the answers to your questions in the Seasonal Topics section of this website, under the heading “Night Prayer during Ramadaan.” If you want more information, please see look under the category: Fiqh (jurisprudence and Islamic rulings) > Ibaadaat (acts of worship) > Salaah (prayer) – Salaat alNaafilah (Supererogatory prayer) > Qiyaam al-Layl (prayers at night), in the subcategories tree. Under Question no. 1255 you will find an answer concerning carrying the Mus-haf during night prayers. With regard to carrying a book of du’aa’s whilst praying Taraaweeh, there is nothing wrong with that, but it is better to try to memorize some of the du’aa’s and recite them during your prayer. This is more conducive to thinking of the meaning of the du’aa’ and not moving too much whilst praying. We ask Allaah to help you to do that which is good and to 205

keep you away from evil and its people… Ameen. Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 21843: Can Muslims be affected by psychological problems? Question: Is it possible for a Muslim to be afflicted with psychological problems? (Because some people say that a Muslim cannot be affected by psychological problems). Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Undoubtedly man may be afflicted with psychological problems such as worries about the future and grief over the past. Psychological problems affect the body more than physical problems do. We should know that the worries and distress that affect a person are among the things that expiate his sins and reduce the burden of sin; if he is patient and seeks reward with Allaah, he will be rewarded for that. Treating these problems in the ways prescribed in Islam is more effective than treating them with physical medicine, as is well known. One of the treatments prescribed in Islam is to recite the du’aa’s narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to relieve worries and distress, 206

for example, the saheeh hadeeth narrated from Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him): “There is no-one who is afflicted by distress and grief, and says: ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka ibn ‘abdika ibn amatija naasyati bi yadika, maada fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka. As’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghayb ‘indaka an taj’al al-Qur’aana al-‘Azeema rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’ huzni wa dhihaab hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Holy Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety),’ but Allaah will take away his distress and grief.” This is one of the remedies prescribed in sharee’ah. One may also say: “Laa ilaaha illa anta, subhaanaka inni kuntu min al-zaalimeen (There is no god but You, glorified (and exalted) are You, truly I have been of the wrongdoers).” [cf. al-Anbiya’ 21:87] Another form of treatment is ruqya with which a person may treat himself – which is better. The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to do ruqyah for himself by reciting al-Mi’wadhatayn (the last two soorahs of the Qur’aan) when he went to sleep, then he would wipe his face and whatever he could of his body. Or a person may go to someone whose religious commitment he trusts to do ruqyah for him. If he wants to know more, he can refer to what the scholars have written about du’aa’ such as al-Waabil al-Sayyib by Ibn al-Qayyim, al-Kalim al-Tayyib by Shaykh al-Islam, 207

al-Adhkaar by al-Nawawi, and Zaad al-Ma’aad by Ibn al-Qayyim. From the fatwas of al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, Kitaab Fataawa Islamiyyah, vol. 4, p. 465-467. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 20159: Will the one who suffers from waswaas be rewarded, and what should he do? Question: Will the one who suffers from waswaas (insinuating whispers from the Shaytaan) be rewarded? What should he do? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah says in Soorat al-Naas (interpretation of the meaning): “Say: I seek refuge with (Allaah) the Lord of mankind, The King of mankind — The Ilaah (God) of mankind, From the evil of the whisperer (devil who whispers evil in the hearts of men) who withdraws (from his whispering in one’s heart after one remembers Allaah). Who whispers in the hearts of mankind. 208

Of jinn and men.”[al-Naas 114:1-6] Muslim (132) narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: “Some of the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to him and said, ‘We find things in our hearts that none of us would dare to utter out loud.’ He said, ‘Do you really find that?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘That is clear faith.’” Muslim (3203) narrated that ‘Uthmaan ibn Abi’l-‘Aas came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, the Shaytaan is coming between me and my prayer and making me confused in my recitation.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “That is a devil called Khanzab. If you feel his presence, then seek refuge with Allaah from him and spit drily to your left three times.” [‘Uthmaan] said: “I did that and Allaah took him away from me.” Al-Bukhaari (3276) and Muslim (134) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘The Shaytaan comes to some of you and says, “Who created such and such? Who created such and such?” – until he says, “Who created your Lord?” If that happens, then let him seek refuge with Allaah and stop thinking about that.’” Al-Bukhaari (1231) and Muslim (389) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When the call for prayer is given, the Shaytaan runs away, breaking wind loudly so as not to hear the adhaan. When the adhaan ends, he comes back. When the iqaamah is made, he runs away, then when the iqaamah ends, he comes back to distract a man from his prayer, saying, “Remember such and such,” things that 209

the man did not remember, until he does not know how many rak’ahs he has prayed. If one of you does not know how many rak’ahs he has prayed, whether it is three or four, then let him do two prostrations whilst he is sitting.” Muslim (571) narrated that Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘If one of you is uncertain about his prayer and cannot remember how many rak’ahs he has prayed, whether it was three or four, then let him avoid doubt and act upon that of which he is certain, then let him do two prostrations before he says the salaam. Then if he prayed five rak’ahs then they will make his prayer even, and if he prayed four then that will annoy the Shaytaan.” These aayahs and ahaadeeth show just how keen the Shaytaan is to lead the sons of Adam astray and stop them from worshipping their Lord, by means of the waswaas (whispers) which he instills in their hearts. But the way to save oneself from these devilish whispers is made clear. For some people the matter may go so far that they have doubts about every act of worship they try to do, whether they have even done it or not. The question here is not whether such a person is to blame, rather the question is whether a person will be rewarded for his striving against the Shaytaan and his efforts to resist these whispers, or not. There is no clear statement from the scholars on this matter, but it may be understood from the words of the two Shaykhs, Ibn Taymiyyah and Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on them), that he will be rewarded for that. This is what is to be understood from the texts quoted above, as we shall see below. In the first hadeeth, the Sahaabah asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about the waswaas 210

that they felt in their hearts, and he said, “That is clear faith.” Shaykh al-Islam (Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 7/282) said: “In other words, the fact that this waswaas was happening and they disliked it so much and pushed it away from their hearts is clear faith, like the mujaahid to whom the enemy comes and he resists him until he defeats him, and this is the greatest form of jihad. Clear (sareeh) means pure, like pure milk. It becomes clear and pure because they hated those devilish whispers and warded them off, so their faith became pure and clear.” He also said (Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 14/108): “This waswasah is something that enters the heart not by a person’s choice, and if a person hates it and shuns it, this hatred of it is clear faith.” He also said (Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 22/608): “Many of the scholars said: hating that, disliking it and shunning it is clear faith. Praise be to Allaah that the most the Shaytaan can do is whisper, for when the jinn-devil is defeated, it whispers (waswasa) and when the human devil is defeated he lies. Waswaas affects everyone who tries to focus on Allaah in his worship and dhikr etc. So one has to be steadfast and patient and persist in dhikr or prayer; he should not feel distressed because if he persists, that will divert the plot of the Shaytaan away from him, for the plot of the Shaytaan is weak.” And he said in Dar’ al-Ta’aarud, 3/318: “This waswaas may be gotten rid of by seeking refuge with Allaah and ignoring it, so that if [the Shaytaan] says, ‘you did not wash your face,’ you should say, ‘Yes, I did wash my face;’ if he thinks that he did not form the intention (for prayer) or say Allaahu akbar, he should say in his heart, ‘Yes I did form the intention and say Allaahu 211

akbar.’ He should cling steadfastly to the truth and ward off the waswaas that goes against it, so that the Shaytaan will see how strong and steadfast he is in adhering to the truth, and will leave him alone. Otherwise when he [the Shaytaan] sees that he is influenced by doubts and responsive to waswaas, he will send him more waswaas until he will be unable to resist and his heart will become receptive to the seductive whispers of the devils of the jinn and of mankind, and he will move from one thing to another until the Shaytaan drives him to his doom. Based on the above, we may say that a man will be rewarded for resisting this waswaas and for striving against the Shaytaan for a number of reasons: 1 – The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) praised the feeling of hatred towards the waswaas that had to do with doubts concerning belief (‘aqeedah), when he said, “That is clear faith.” One of things implied by the hatred of this waswaas is that one turns away from it and does not get carried away with it. 2 – Obeying the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Let him stop it.” 3 – The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said concerning the prostration of forgetfulness (sajdat al-sahw): “They will annoy the Shaytaan.” This implies encouragement to annoy and humiliate the Shaytaan. Annoying him here means turning away from this waswaas and not paying any attention to it. This is in addition to the fact that Allaah and His Messenger have taught us to seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan, etc. 4 – The difficulties and distress that the believer may suffer as a result of this waswaas may be included in the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon 212

him), “No Muslim suffers tiredness, exhaustion, worry, grief, annoyance or distress, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will expiate some of his sins thereby.” (al-Bukhaari, 2573; Muslim, 5642). 5 – Shaykh al-Islam (Ibn Taymiyah – may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “like the mujaahid to whom the enemy comes and he resists him until he defeats him, and this is the greatest form of jihad.” The fact that he likens him to a mujaahid and describes this as the greatest form of jihad may be understood to mean that he will be rewarded for that. And Allaah knows best. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and all his family and companions. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 20152: He likes a girl but his father refuses to let him marry her Question: Recently I went to XXXX . My parents decided to propose to someone else without asking me. Both the girl and I disagreed. And I think that was the end of that issue.While I was there, I met a girl, who I really liked. I didn’t talk to this girl that I really liked. Because I considered it wrong. And I let my elders know about it. Everyone agreed. They were all happy. When news got to my father, he expressed extreme disapproval. Blamed me for having a love story. He mentioned that this girl was not good for me because of her family, Which by the way is our family. Considering 213

she’s a distant cousin. But, more specifically he meant her parents( who are divorced). He said that this was something to look down on. The girl had apparently recieved other proposals that she had turned down. Who were from people that either didn’t have degree’s, were much older than her, or were legally blind. And that was something for him to look down on even more. Another reason he gave me was that I didn’t have a degree, which didn’t seem to be the problem when he was proposing to some other girl without asking me. Recently, I found out through my cousins, that the girl I liked, Likes me as well. And she would like to marry me. Her grandmother would also like us to get married. I think it’s hard for alot of muslim guys in the U.S. to say they avoided temptation while living here. Well, I managed to avoid it. My parents know, that I haven’t done anything of this sort. At the time, I’m not ready to get married. But, I’d like to get engaged. Because I don’t want to loose this person. How should I convince my father, who I consider a pious person. He prays, and is a good muslim. But, the reasoning he gave me for not getting married.. Is his reasoning. Which I feel is morally and islamically wrong. My mother is afraid to talk to him, because he has a temper. And does not like to listen to people. Also, has a heart situation. Please help? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Humayd (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about a man marrying a woman whom he likes without his family’s approval. He said: There is nothing wrong with that, if the woman is steadfast in her religious commitment and chastity, and if she is compatible with you in terms of family background. There 214

is nothing to stop you marrying her, even though your parents do not approve, if their objections and dislike of her are unjust and unfounded. If you want to marry her, and she is chaste, religiously-committed, guards her honour and has a good reputation and family background, then there is nothing wrong with that. It is not considered disobedience to one’s parents if you go against your parents’ wishes and marry her, so long as their objections are not justly based and are rather based on whims and desires or psychological reasons. But if their objections towards her are just and well-founded, then you should not go ahead and marry her. And Allaah knows best. Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Humayd (may Allaah have mercy on him), p. 217. (www.islam-qa.com) 20162: She married her boyfriend and is living a miserable life with him Question: I left home at XXX and married my XXX yr old college boyfriend ( I know it was wrong please don’t judge me) i now live with his family and have a little 1 yr old girl. The problem is I want to try and bring my daughter up as religiously as possible I maybe destined for hell but i do not wish to drag my daughter with me. I feel that my husband is not giving me this opportunity or his family. They care about my daughter but constantly listen to music and watch tv I hate this because my daughter is begining to enjoy this sort of thing and do not want my daughter exposed to this. The main problem is I regret marrying my husband with all my heart I feel that he regrets it too.We argue All the time about his family and money. I can’t stand talking to him because he is always miserable and does not know where he is going in life or what he is to do. he can’t hold a job because he gets ‘bored’ easily i 215

work and so does he but he still can’t even provide for us he spends all his money and can not answer for it. I have to provide for me and my daughter and on most occasions for him we earn the same amount and yet I am able to save for the future while he spends it like water.he behaves as if he were a single person with no worries,The only reason we are together is because of my daughter. I wish i could leave because I am so unhappy I am a wreck. i have lost all self esteem. I went for sweet talk/excitment in a man rather then religion and character and i realise now that this is the most important thing in a man because a man who follows religion correctly and is of good character is a better husband. I myself am a weak muslim i need someone to guide me and although my husband went to Madrasha he does not bother with religion and right and wrong of religion. he wants me to slave for him and his family and does not care for what i want. I want to know what Islam says about us being together. Does my happiness count at all because I see a very bleak future with my husband. but i know i can not cope without my family who will probably disown me if I left my husband. But they understand that i am going through alot. we seperated for awhile and I stayed with my family but he came back apolagising this was a few months ago. I care for my husband because once we were sort of happy but we have lost each other we have lost the love and friendship we once had. I don’t think we will get that back. We live together but lead almost separate lives. Please advise me as to what I can do for my future and the future of my daughter. I do not want to deprive her of her father but my marriage is a unhappy one believe me. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 216

The story you tell in your question in and of itself offers a serious lesson to every girl who follows her whims and desires, fails to obey Allaah and leaves her family and her home in order to commit sin in an atmosphere of fitnah. Your question also offers a lesson to every sinner, to look at the consequences to which their sin may lead them. We ask Allaah to forgive us, you and every Muslim man and woman. With regard to the marriage contract between you and him, if it was not done in the presence of your guardian and with his approval – which is what seems to be the case – then it is not valid, and it is haraam for you to stay with him in this case or to let him be intimate with you, because he is not your husband. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “There is no marriage (nikaah) without a guardian (wali).” And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” I advise you to do a number of things: 1 – You must ask him to put this matter right, by making a new marriage contract with you, with a mahr (dowry) and the presence of your guardian and two witnesses. From what you say it seems that your family now approve of your marriage to him. So there is nothing to prevent you putting this haraam situation right. If that is not done then he is not your husband, and it is haraam for you to stay with him. 2 – I advise you to be patient and to seek reward with Allaah for the difficulties and stress that you are facing. For these difficulties will be an expiation for your previous sins. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No worry or grief befalls a believer, not even 217

a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will expiate thereby some of his sins.” Your patience will end in a way out, in sha Allah. As the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The way out comes with patience.” 3 – Note that unpleasant things only happen to people because of their sins. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much” [al-Shoora 42:30] The difficulties and unhappiness that you are going through may be a punishment from Allaah for your disobeying your family and committing this haraam action. But your regret and putting this matter right, in sha Allaah, will be your repentance, for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Regret is repentance.” I hope that Allaah will take away from you, as a result of this repentance, the worry and distress that you are feeling. 4 – Make a lot of du’aa’ and feel that you are in need of Allaah and have no one else to turn to. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Is not He (better than your gods) Who responds to the distressed one, when he calls on Him, and Who removes the evil…?”[al-Naml 27:62] “And your Lord said: “Invoke Me [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything] I will respond to your (invocation)”[Ghaafir 40:60] If a person is helped (by Allaah) to make du’aa’, then his prayer will be answered. Make the most of the times and places where du’aa’ is answered, such as when prostrating, 218

before saying the tasleem at the end of the prayer, in the last third of the night, and on Fridays, especially after ‘Asr prayer. 5 – You have to advise your husband and cooperate with him in obeying Allaah. Take him by the hand and start a new life in which your aim is to please Allaah. May Allaah help you both to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 20187: Her brother is in love with a divorced woman with whom he had a previous relationship Question: My brother in XXX is in love with a girl, she is divorced with two kids(boy and a girl more then 4yrs), the love was between the two before the marriage but after the marriage made a wall in their love, after divorce they are more in love and plan to marry, not caring about the parents, the girl told my brother that, does he still believe in Allah?, as he had put him through so many test in life many And like 6 months ago my brother was saying he wont marry anyone except the girl he loves. First he wanted to get he acceptance of my mother and so. But suddenly a change came and now he doesnt care at all he is changed, his attitiude is quiet rude. My mother still is good with my brother but his attitude is bad. He is bad with my father. And I think there is a chance that the girl might have done some Amal(magic) on my family and my brother. 219

So is there a way we can know about wether there is some black magic done on my brother or not. As my father doesnt believe in Magic its hard for my father to find out a Aalim or a Mufti and get the issue solved. Also please make duaa for his good. He is not keeping in touch with me , the girl he loves is not liked by our whole family,and my brother before used to say that its not right to marry a girl without parents acceptance. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. I advise your father and the father of this woman not to prevent this marriage, so long as there is no shar’i reason to prevent it. If your brother loves this woman and she loves him, then it is in their interests to get married. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is nothing better for two people who are in love than marriage,” i.e., if a man loves a woman and she loves him, then let them get married, and that will calm them down and protect them from doing anything haraam. Isn’t their getting married better for him, for her and for their families than their falling into something that Allaah has forbidden? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, addressing the guardians of women, if a man comes to propose marriage: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him; if you do not do that then there will be fitnah (tribulation) and widespread corruption on earth.” But if there is a shar’i reason to prevent that, then our advice to your brother is to obey his father and to remain chaste, and to strive hard in doing so. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever strives to be chaste, Allaah will help him to be chaste,” 220

i.e., whoever does his utmost to be chaste, Allaah will grant him chastity and help him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “As for those who strive hard in Us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our paths (i.e. Allaah’s religion — Islamic Monotheism)” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:69] And he should look for another wife who will help him with his religious commitment and his worldly interests. With regard to witchcraft, if a person regularly reads Qur’aan and recites the adhkaar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to recite when going to sleep, when waking up, in the morning and the evening and at other times and in other circumstances, then he will protect himself thereby from the accursed Shaytaan. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah enjoined five things upon Yahya ibn Zakariyya, which he was to follow and to enjoin upon the Children of Israel…” then he mentioned them, among which was: “and He commands you to remember Him. The likeness of that is of a man who is being pursued by his enemy, until he comes to a strong fortress where he protects himself from them. Similarly a person cannot protect himself against the Shaytaan with anything better than the remembrance of Allaah (dhikr).” Al-Mi’wadhaat (soorahs seeking protection with Allaah) are among the greatest things by means of which a person may protect himself against witchcraft, so recite them in the morning and in the evening, after every prayer and before going to sleep. Make a lot of du’aa’ for your brother, that Allaah may guide him and grant him wisdom. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 221

22164: Advice on the matter of spinsterhood Question: I am disturbed by the number of women in this society who do not have husbands and I wonder what is the solution? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The phenomenon of widespread spinsterhood (women remaining without husbands) is caused by a number of things, including the following: 1 – Demanding too high a mahr, and the inability of young men to bear the expenses of marriage. 2 – Girls refusing to marry early on the grounds that they want to complete their education. 3 – Girls refusing to get married to a man who already has a wife. 4 – Difficult conditions imposed by the wife’s family or the husband’s. The ways to solve this problem are as follows: 1 – The girl’s family should look for a suitable man who can make their daughter happy, and not seek to make excessive demands with regard to the mahr. Rather they should look for a man who is religiously committed and has a good character, who will be able to protect their daughter’s religious commitment and chastity, and make her happy. 2 – Girls should not refuse to get married on the excuse 222

that they want to continue their education, so that they grow old and reach an age where they can find no one to marry them. It is possible to come to an agreement with their husbands that they will continue their education after they get married. That is easy to do, praise be to Allaah. 3 – A girl should not regard a man who proposes marriage to her when he already has a wife as unsuitable for her or unable to make her happy. Many girls refuse to accept a man who is already married, then time passes and they get too old and cannot find anyone to marry them. But Islam and the Sunnah of the Prophet permit a Muslim man to marry up to four women, on the condition that the man treat all his wives fairly. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 21171: How should she answer the questions of her second husband’s children? Question: I am a divorced woman and I have received a proposal of marriage from a man who is divorced and has three children. After thinking long and hard I have decided to get married to him. But my question is, what should I say to his children if they ask me, “Why did you get married to our father?” or “Why did my father divorce my mother?” There are a lot of questions which they will ask me. What should I do? I hope that you will do me the honour of answering. Thank you very much.? Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

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Children ask a lot of questions and it is very important that parents try not to ignore their questions. They should make use of these questions as a means of teaching them and developing their thinking and their potentials. The answers should also be convincing, because the children’s young age makes them convinced by any answer that they are given. You could explain to them in simple terms the basics of marriage and divorce. If there are previous differences between you of which the children are aware, then you should speak of them in brief and simple terms. You could also explain that by saying that you were not able to agree on some matters regarding living or the house, or that your ways of looking at things are different. It is important that you do not accuse their father or make him responsible, even if in fact he is responsible in your view, because this will affect the way they look at their father and make them hate him and keep away from him. Try as much as possible not to show your negative feelings towards your former husband, because that will not help you, rather it will affect your children. It is very important for them to develop socially in a sound manner, and to have a positive view of their father. Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh. (www.islam-qa.com) 11449: He is suffering from overpowering waswaas (insinuating whispers from the Shaytaan) Question: For some months i have been having a problem with waswas in both my prayers and when performing wudu.I 224

keep forgetting what i have washed in my wudu and keep forgetting how much i have prayed.It has reached a point where i am making sajdah as - sahu for every single prayer because my mind keeps going blank.The more i concentrate on my prayer the more it occurs.Sometimes i think i must have read 6 or 7 rakats for a four rakat prayer because i simply cannot recal how much i have prayed and so i continue until i am certain.The more i do this the worse the problem gets. I want to ignore the waswas but i am not sure if this is sanctioned by the shariah.I feel it is the only way to rid myself of this disease.I read surah Baqarah and many dua related to the whisperings of shaytan and surahs falaq and naas.With regards to wudu i have a combination of problems as i feel tha i have not washed properly after using the bathroom or if my clothes get wet that there is something impure on my clothes.When making wudu i feel like i have not washed properly. I try to ignore these whisperings but i am terrified that if i ignore it and i am wrong, that my prayers will not be answered. I have reached a point where my prayers can take upto an hour or more to perfom and have become merely a ritual without any khushoo because of these problems. I finish one prayer and start fearing how i am going to manage to get through the next one. I feel i am trapped because there is no way i can miss a prayer as I know this is exactly what shaytan wants me to do. Please help me , may Allah reward you. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Our advice to you first of all is that you have to consult a psychologist; try to find a Muslim doctor so that he will understand your problem. Secondly, you have to take the easier option always, and do not think about the sin or 225

punishment. If you do not follow this advice, your problem will continue. In a prayer when you are not sure whether you have prayed three or four rak’ahs, you have to assume that it is four, and the part of the body which you are unsure whether you have washed it, you have to assume that you have washed it. This applies to every situation you face: take the easier option. If you do that you will have defeated the Shaytaan who has subjected you to this involuntary waswaas. May Allaah heal you and grant you good health. Shaykh Sa’d al-Humayd (www.islam-qa.com) 21269: She left home fleeing her husband’s beatings Question: What is the Islamic ruling in your view on a woman who reaches the age of sixty five, and from the time she married her husband at age 14 she has been suffering from her husband’s bad treatment, his beatings, his humiliating her in front of her children and in front of others, and always throwing her out of the house, yet despite that she has been patient and seeking reward from Allaah, responding to all his never-ending demands even though she suffers from heart disease and blood pressure, and the doctors have advised complete rest for her and that she should not exert herself? Recently this husband’s bad treatment of this woman has become even worse; he humiliated her in front of her guests, beat her and threw her out of the house, so she had no choice but to leave the house to him and go and stay with her children, knowing that he would not give her enough money. What is your view on this case? Now she does not want to go back to him and he does not want her and he does not acknowledge that he has wronged her… Is she guilty of anything if she does 226

not go back to him if he asks her to? What is your advice to them? May Allaah reward you with good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is haraam for the wife to ask for a divorce for no reason, and it is haraam for her to go out of the house for no reason without her husband’s permission. But if she is being harmed as a result of staying in her husband’s house or staying married to him, then she has the right to ask him for a divorce. She has the right to leave the house and go to her family so that she can escape from her husband’s abuse and beatings. The husband has to fear Allaah with regard to what Allaah has put him in charge of. The Prophet urged good treatment of women, and Allaah commanded His Messenger SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to treat people on a reasonable basis. Whatever the case, if the husband’s abuse is ongoing then she has the right to ask for the marriage to be annulled, and he has to respond to that request, or he has to repent to Allaah, and stop harming her. Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr (www.islam-qa.com) 12665: A criminal tried to rape his wife’s daughter Question: A worried sister asks what should be done as her mother’s husband tried to rape her. He tried molesting her but was unable to succeed in having intercourse with her. Does this have any effect on the marriage contract between the man and her mother? Should she tell her sisters and her 227

mother (even though the mother is unlikely to believe her)? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. This girl has to tell her mother and her brothers so that they can put a stop to this crime before it happens. The girl must not sit with him in the place where he is sitting, rather she must keep away from him even if he is her mahram. The mahram – even if he is a father or brother – if there is no guarantee that he can be trusted (Allaah forbid), then it is not permissible to be near him, rather the guardian should prevent that from happening. If that can only be achieved by punishing or imprisoning him, then so be it. Whatever the case, this girl has to take every precaution to prevent this evil from happening. Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr (www.islam-qa.com)

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Chapter 6 11519: If she marries him, his first wife will leave him Question:

I’m a single mother. There is a brother asked me to get married, but he already has a wife. I said no for a while but, I prayed stakhara and I found myself saying yes to the brother. There are a lot of gossip going on in the community about us talking. People tell me there are a lot of single brothers out there why a married man? Than , people say if you want to marry her than get married or leave her. He’s trying to make his wife understand that he does want to get married. It might take time for her to understand even though she said that she will leave if he does get married. I lost my best friend from all this fitnah. I would feel guilty if I did marry him and his wife left because she wouldn’t be able to handle it. I might not handle it. Allah(swt) knows best. Should I be patient and wait for the brother to try to solve things with his wife or should I just forget him and marry a single brother?

Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The issue of marriage is a personal matter which concerns you alone. You are not responsible for whatever happens between him and his first wife. If you have several options, then choose that which is the best. But if you only have the choice between marrying him and remaining single, then I think that marrying him is better. Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com) 229

7205: Is it permissible to use birth control because one is afraid to have children due to the corruption of society? Question: Is it permissible to use birth control so that a person has a child every five years, because he sees the corruption in society and would not be able to raise a lot of children close in age in this overwhelmingly corrupt society? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who replied: So long as this is the intention, then it is not permissible to do this, because it reflects a lack of trust in Allaah with regard to the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said “Marry the one who is loving and fertile…” But if the birth control has to do with the condition of the woman – because she cannot cope with repeated pregnancies – this may be permissible, but it is better not to do it. Question: Do you mean that it is more important to pay attention to the woman’s condition than to the corrupt nature of society? Answer: Of course, because there is no certainty that one’s children will be corrupt; they may be righteous people who will bring benefits to society. And Allaah knows best. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com) 230

2247: He has breasts which resembles those of a woman Question: A person has breasts which resemble a woman’s breasts. Is it permissible for him to have surgery to reduce them? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We asked Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan alJibreen the following question: A person has breasts which resemble a woman’s breasts. Is it permissible for him to have surgery to reduce them? He (may Allaah preserve him) replied as follows: Praise be to Allaah. You must try to lose weight, then the fat around the breast will be reduced. If what you have is not a result of fat (and it is causing you trouble), and you can do an operation to reduce it without any harm involved, that will be OK. Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Jibreen (www.islam-qa.com) 3234: Resisting the temptation of women Question: This question is not really to get a ruling on whether what I’m doing is wrong. It’s a question on how to get rid of 231

my problem. I can’t stop talking and going out with girls. When a girl starts flirting with me it’s like I can’t tell her no. It is like my brain stops functioning. I usually end up going out with the girl and may be kiss but elhamdullilah I have never been further. I know what I do is wrong; and believe me I feel guilty after every date, but I don’t know what to do. Please help me. I’m weak when it comes to women and I don’t know what to do. I pray 5 times a day, and I fast, and I try to be good but when it comes to women I can’t control myself. Thank you for your help. Salam Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke the truth when he said, “I am not leaving behind any fitnah (trial, temptation) more harmful to men than women.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4706). He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also said: “This world is sweet and dazzling, and Allaah has you put in charge of it to see how you will do and what you will do, so beware of this world and beware of women, for the first fitnah (temptation, trial) that befell the Children of Israel was concerning women.” (Reported by Muslim, 4925). You have to deal with two things, one now and one in the future. As far as your past misbehaviour is concerned, you must repent sincerely to Allaah right now, and do good deeds to expiate for your bad deeds, as was reported in the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him), who said that a man kissed a woman [who was unlawful for him]; he came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him about it, [saying, “I met a woman in the garden, and I embraced 232

her, touched her and kissed her]. [Here I am, judge concerning me as you wish.”] [He started asking how he could expiate for this, and (the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)) did not say anything]. Then Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning): “And perform al-salaah at the two ends of the day and in some hours of the night. Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds…” [Hood 11:114]. The man asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, is this just for me?” He said, “It is for all of my ummah (reported by al-Bukhaari, 495; additional material in brackets is from the reports of alTirmidhi, Ahmad, Muslim and Ibn Maajah, in that order), so do a lot of acts of worship and good deeds, so that Allaah may accept your repentance.” As far as the future is concerned, you are not permitted at all to go to places where there is corruption and free mixing, where you are likely to meet women. You say that you cannot control yourself, so why do you go to places where you spend time chatting informally with women, and then say that you cannot resist? What you say is completely unacceptable. If you avoid the places and things that lead to evil, and do not expose yourself to it, you will protect yourself from falling into sin. Fear Allaah, for Allaah is watching you to see how you will do and what you will do. Beware of going to places that will lead you into haraam things. Remember that the more you indulge in haraam activities, the more difficult it is to retreat, so nip it in the bud. Stick to righteous company, and keep away from evil things and evil people. Do everything that will help you to remain chaste, such as hastening to marry and lowering your gaze. I ask Allaah to protect you from the temptation of women. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 233

7722: His father is a very angry person who swears a lot, and there are a lot of arguments in the house Question: I am a God fearing Muslim and I need some advise. My father is a very angry person. He yells and swears almost non-stop. When he really losses it he breaks things around the house. He’s tried to hit my mother once but we stopped him. He calls us prostitutes and homosexuals when he’s mad. When he’s not he claims he’s a good Muslim. I printed out the article I found on your site about controlling one’s anger, but he took it lightly. I am not in need of him nor is any of my siblings. I find it hard to believe that even under these circumstances we must honor him when he stoops to the lowest levels to insult us. He can also be dangerous, he threatens to hurt us and I am afraid that one day he will deliver. What is the ruling on honoring this type of father? Can we move out? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If you are not causing his anger then there is no blame on you. But at the same time you are obliged to treat him kindly and honour him. Allaah has enjoined honouring one’s parents even if they believe in shirk (associating others in worship with Allaah), so how about those whose sin is less than that? With regard to your moving out, if he agrees to that and it will be better for him, then there is nothing wrong with it. Otherwise, strive to be patient in putting up with what he does to you, for that will not be lost, and you will meet it before Allaah (i.e., it will count in your favour on the Day of Resurrection). 234

If a man who is employed can put up with bad treatment from a boss, and bears his anger and insults with patience for the sake of earning a living and keeping his job, then you should certainly be able to put up with your father’s bad treatment and insults for the sake of pleasing Allaah and earning His reward. If he dies after you have been patient with him, you will not regret it, but if he dies when you are opposing him and shunning him, you might blame yourself and say, “If only I had been patient, if only I had put up with him…” I hope that you will convey my salaams to your father and tell him that whoever strives against his own nafs (self) and does not get angry will attain Paradise, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us. Tell him that destroying furniture is a waste of money and is something which is haraam. According to a saheeh hadeeth, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade us to waste money. And tell him that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to restrain his tongue, so let him follow his example, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Indeed in the Messenger of Allaah (Muhammad) you have a good example to follow” [al-Ahzaab 33:21] If your father gets angry, do not try to advise him when he is in the heat of his anger, for he might persist and get carried away. Offer him advice when his anger has ceased and he has calmed down, for then he will be more likely to respond. Make the person with whom your father isangry go away quietly so as not to make matters worse. There is nothing wrong with you defending your mother, in fact this is required of you, but not by means of you physically fighting with your father. Rather you should take your mother quietly away from the scene after reminding your father of Allaah and advising him to seek 235

refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan. May Allaah help you and may He help us and you to do all that is good. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 10033: He wants to limit having children because he is poor Question: please tell me if i should wait to try and have children based on my concern for giving any children Allaah ta’Ala might give me a good islamic family environment. i have debts from long ago that involve paying ribaa and i feel that i should wait to have children until i can pay off these debts. please advise. jazakum Allahu khairan Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings) “And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but its provision is due from Allaah” [Hood 11:6] “And so many a moving (living) creature carries not its own provision! Allaah provides for it and for you. And He is the AllHearer, the AllKnower” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:60] “Verily, Allaah is the AllProvider, Owner of Power, the Most Strong” [al-Dhaariyaat 51:58] “so seek your provision from Allaah (Alone), and worship Him (Alone), and be grateful to Him” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:17] 236

Allaah condemned the people of the Jaahiliyyah who killed their children for fear of poverty, and He forbade doing what they did. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin” [al-Israa’ 17:31] Allaah has commanded His slaves to put their trust in Him in all their affairs, and He is Sufficient for those who put their trust in Him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and put your trust in Allaah if you are believers indeed” [al-Maa’idah 5:23] “And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him” [al-Talaaq 65:3]. So you have to put your trust in your Lord and believe that He will provide for you and your children. Do not let the fear of poverty prevent you from seeking to have children, for Allaah has guaranteed provision for all. By not wanting children for fear of poverty, you are imitating the people of the Jaahiliyyah. You should also note that taking out loans with interest is ribaa (usury), for which Allaah issues the warning of a painful torment. It is one of the seven sins which condemn a person to Hell. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Avoid the seven sins which condemn a person to Hell…[which include] consuming ribaa.” And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has cursed the one who consumes ribaa, 237

the one who pays it…” Consumption of ribaa is one of the greatest causes of poverty and loss of blessings, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Allaah will destroy Ribaa and will give increase for Sadaqaat (deeds of charity, alms)” [al-Baqarah 2:276] I think that you do not know the ruling on interest-based loans. So seeks Allaah’s forgiveness for what is in the past, and do not do it again. Wait for your Lord to grant you a way out and seek provision from Him. Put your trust in Him for Allaah loves those who put their trust in Him. Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Barraak (www.islamqa.com) 5644: His father wants him to marry his cousin who is close in age to him Question: Alhamdo Lillah I am a practicing muslim and I am also involved in the work of Tabligh and Dawah. One thing that always gets me and makes me feel that I am not doing enough for my deen and my life hereafter is when I think about my Father. My Father is a good practicing muslim and it is from him that I have learned about Islam. I have three brothers all of them are elder to me and all of them are married. We had a great family and great atmosphere at home until it was time for the brothers to get married. My father wanted them to marry my cousins, but my brothers were against it and they were married to other girls who were not from our relatives. So now my father does not have the same attitude towards them and he always tries to elude them and ignore them. I was terrified to see him act like this as he is a staunch muslim and respects Islam and it’s teaching. Now it is time for my marriage and he wanted me to marry one of my cousins. Now the problem that I am facing here is that me and my 238

cousin we were kind of close as we were of nearly same age and did most of the schooling together. So I have known her mostly as a good sister and now my dad wanted me to marry her and I was in a state of jeopardy. I am very much aware of the rights of one’s dad and that he is the doorway to my Jannah. The problem with my dad is that he does not say anything and he just behaves as if I do not exist. He would talk to me and everything but like a stranger and infront of others he would behave as if nothing is wrong, but that kind of attitude is killing me and I think that he is really pissed off with me. The question is about my life and who I would like to spend my life with, but on the other hand I run the risk of spoiling my Akirah by making my dad unhappy. My question is how do I handle this problem? How do I get my dad to be the same old self as he was, please guide me in this regards Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Note that is is impossible for things to stay the same forever. Glory be to the One Who changes His slaves’ circumstances and directs them as He wills. Our advice to you concerning this problem is first to think of marrying the relative whom your father has suggested that you marry, regardless of the previous knowledge to which you refer. If she more or less has the qualities that you want in a righteous wife and she does not have any bad quality that you think you could not put up with, then marry her. Perhaps Allaah will decree much good for you in that, and your honouring your father will be the cause of happiness in your marriage. But if there is an obvious fault that means that you could not marry her, then explain that to your father and try to convince him that forcing a man to choose a wife whom 239

he does not like could cause the marriage to fail and could also cause harm to that girl. Advise your brothers to try to honour your father and keep in touch with him so as to strengthen the family ties and put right what has changed. And Allaah is the Source of strength. by Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Abd-Allaah al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com) 11018: Ruling on a dispute between two brothers Question: My father and my uncle – my father’s brother – are always arguing. We live in one house, with only a dividing wall between us. My father is single and my uncle is single; my mother has died and my uncle’s wife has died. I always advise them not to fight, but sometimes my uncle picks on my father. How can I advise both of them – my father and my uncle? Please note that my father prays and fasts, and my uncle prays sometimes and not at other times, but he does fast. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Advise your uncle to pray regularly and explain to him that the salaah is the most important pillar of Islam after the Shahaadatayn. Forsaking prayer is kufr, and his fasting is not valid if he is not praying. His good deeds will not be accepted if he does not pray. Advise them both to be righteous and to fear Allaah, and to uphold the ties of kinship and pay attention to the rights of relatives; whoever cuts the ties of kinship, Allaah will cut him off, and whoever takes care of the ties of kinship, Allaah will 240

take care of him. Read to them both the aayaat of the Qur’aan and the ahaadeeth of the Prophet which speak of that. Then if you uncle responds, then praise be to Allaah, otherwise you have to shun him. From Fataawaa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 12/363 (www.islam-qa.com) 6990: Her husband wants to move far away from her family, and she does not want to go Question: my sisters husband does not like my sister coming to her parents house and her sister and brothers going to her house, he now wants to move far away but my sister is not willing because he does not treat her properly, and the situation is coming down to the divorse stage , what advice is there in the quran and hadith Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Basically the righteous wife should be obedient to her Lord and not disobedient to her husband. There is no better deed than a woman obeying her husband as Allaah has commanded, at the time when he is disobeying Him with regard to her. The husband has the right to stop his wife from visiting her family – if he thinks that doing so will serve some shar’i purpose, for example, if she is rebellious towards him every time she comes back from visiting them. But if he is doing them wrong and they are not disobedient towards Allaah and they do not try to turn his wife against 241

him, then the husband is a sinner if he cuts their daughter off from them. She also has to obey him with regard to not going out. The husband has the right to relocate his family wherever he thinks will be good for them, and his wife does not have the right to disobey him with regard to that, unless it was made a condition in the marriage contract that he would not make her move. If this condition was not stipulated, then she has no right to object. Good treatment of wives is a duty enjoined upon husbands by Allaah, when He said (interpretation of the meaning): “… and live with them honourably…” [al-Nisa’ 4:19]. The husband does not have the right to treat his wife badly. If he sees her doing something that goes against the sharee’ah, he should follow the steps laid down by sharee’ah to put the matter right. Firstly, he should exhort her in a good manner, and if that does not work, he should adopt the method of forsaking her (i.e., not having marital relations with her). If that does not work, then he may strike her, in a manner that does not cause pain or injury. If the husband does treat his wife badly, that does not mean that she should disobey him or go against what Allaah has commanded her to do with regard to him. We advise the sister to do the following: strive hard to do things that will please her husband such as speaking nicely and treating him well. To deal with him not on the basis that she is his opponent and his equal with regard to commanding and forbidding, but on the basis that she is obedient to him and is at his beck and call, because this will make a decent man feel shy, and will make matters easier for her and help her to convince him. But he is the one who is in charge of her (he is qawwaam over her), not the other way round. 242

She should offer lots of du’aa’ for her husband to be reformed and for things to be made easy for her. She should put things right between herself and her Lord so that Allaah will put things right between her and other people. There is nothing wrong with asking someone whose religious commitment she trusts and who is wise to intervene between her and her husband, to convince him to change his mind about moving, if she thinks that this would have a bad effect on her religious commitment or that it would make matters between them worse. Otherwise, she should accept what Allaah has decreed for her. We ask Allaah to make things easy for her and to choose for her whatever is better for her spiritual and worldly interests. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 3127: Tragedy of a woman who has become Muslim, but she has two children and their father is Hindu Question: I have read question 2803 in which you advised our sister to announce her marraige as it is sunnah and I have also read the other questions with regards to parents rejecting their son’s/daughter’s choice of marraige because of various reasons. What advice do you give to a person in the following situation: She is divorced frmo her ex husband and has embraced Islam for she has reliaed the truth and she was guided to the right path, Al Hamdulilah, her conversion is kept secret 243

from her family for obvious reasons and her two children whom she has custody of are still Hindu because her ex husband would rather kill her than see his children embrace Islam. He is strong enemy of Islam and has sworn our deen and ALLAH on a few occassions. She is now in love with a religious and well mannered Muslim man who has asked her to marry him. The problem is that his parents object to their marraige because the mother feels that the lady in question is a convert and that converts don’t make good muslims. In fact her exact words were “Thery will never be one of us” If they do decide to make Nikaah can they for these reasons keep their marraige a secret. The man who has asked for her hand in marraige says that he will accept her children provided they embrace Islam because two religions cannot be practiced in one house especially when the other one is idol worshipp and I can’t agree with him more. How do these two people who love each other make a life of their own. His parents are a problem on the one hand and the ex husband not wanting the children to embrace Islam is another problem. My friend does not want to give up custody of her children because her ex husband is abusive. Please advise our sister as soon as possible as she is suffering from depression and sleepless nights. May ALLAH bless our Prophet Muhammad. Jazak Allah Answer: Praise be to Allaah. First of all, we would like to congratulate our sister for embracing Islam, which is the joy for which wealth and souls would be sacrificed, for all the blessing of Islam makes all grief and distress fade into insignificance. 244

The sister says that she loves a Muslim man. We say: it is not appropriate for a Muslim woman to fall into the trap of nonsensical emotions and forbidden relationships into which others fall. The love which people hear about and read about is one of the dazzling tricks of the Shaytaan, and it usually happens with regard to things that Allaah has forbidden. If a man finds that he likes a girl, the only option he has is to ask her guardian (walee) for permission to marry her. The man’s mother’s comment that new Muslims cannot be good Muslims is false. Were the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) anything but new Muslims, given that prior to their Islam they had been believers in Shirk? Does any Muslim have any doubts about their commitment to religion and their character? Moreover, we see that many new Muslims are many times better than many (born) Muslims! Just because a Muslim is new does not mean that he will never be good, and just because a Muslim is born in Islam does not mean that he is good. What counts is Taqwa (piety, awareness of Allaah) and righteous deeds, as well as the length of time one has been in Islam and has been worshipping Allaah. There is no reason why knowledge of the man’s marriage should not be withheld from his parents, especially since this is in the interests of the sister and there are so few people who can help her to overcome her difficulties. It is the woman who needs a walee according to sharee’ah, not the man. However, we would prefer that he wins his family’s approval by convincing them, because this is in their best interests, benefits which may be lost if they find out that their son concealed his marriage from them. The fact that the husband says he wants to call the children to Islam is good. We ask Allaah to help him to achieve this. The fact that the Hindu father is evil is sufficient reason for him not to make an open display of his calling 245

the children to Islam, if that could lead to this kaafir taking the children away by going to the kaafir courts. You have to act with wisdom in this case. The woman who is asking this question should not arrange her own marriage even if she has been previously married, because sharee’ah does not permit this. If she does not have a walee as required by sharee’ah, then her walee may be the qaadi (judge) or whoever is in charge of the Muslim affairs in her country, such as the head of the Islamic centre or his deputy. They – especially the sister – have to seek the help of Allaah in dealing with these problems which are giving her sleepless nights. Everyone should know that whoever puts his trust in Allaah, Allaah will show him a way out. She has to make du’aa’ sincerely, and he has to try as hard as he can to advise his family and change their views about new Muslims by showing them real examples of people who are the opposite of what they think. With regard to the tragedy caused by the former husband, we advise her again not to make an open display of her calling the children to Islam, lest that should cause the father to do something that will have bad consequences. If they feel suspicious about his intentions, there is no harm in calling the police to do whatever is necessary with regard to him. If getting married means that the sister will lose her right to custody of her children, we advise her not to get married now, for fear that these two souls may end up in Hell in the Hereafter – unless she fears that she herself may commit some immoral action, in which case she should marry the Muslim man whom she has told us about, with witnesses and a walee as we have stated above. Publicizing the marriage is sunnah, although it does not have to be announced officially and in writing. But this sister has to live in a protective Muslim environment and 246

those people will have to know about her marriage lest she bring upon herself gossip about her honour. If it will be better for her to leave the place where her ex-husband lives and move to another place where she can be free, have custody of her children and be able to marry a believing Muslim man who will protect her and her children, then she should do that. She has to make du’aa’ and turn to Allaah to relieve her distress and grief. We pray that Allaah will give her the strength to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 7833: The problem of children stealing Question: I became very upset after I discovered that one of my children had stolen something, and I am afraid that he may become a thief in the future. What advice can you give me? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. A young child may steal for a number of reasons: He steals because he does not know the difference between borrowing and stealing, and the concept of personal ownership is not clear in his mind. 247

Some children steal because they are deprived of things that others have. To take revenge on the parents or to attract their attention. What do we advise? Keep calm. Instead of rebuking him and putting him to shame, keep calm. This situation is an opportunity to teach your child. Advise and exhort the child. Explain to him the Islamic rulings concerning stealing, and tell him that Allaah says in His Book (interpretation of the meaning): “Cut off (from the wrist joint) the (right) hand of the thief, male or female…)” [al-Maa’idah 5:38] The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) accepted the pledge of women, when they made bay’ah (oath of allegience) to him, that they would not steal, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… that they will not steal…” [al-Mumtahinah 60:12]. Remind your child that Allaah is always watching. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “He is with you (by His Knowledge) wheresoever you may be” [al-Hadeed 57:4] And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… Allaah is Witness to what you do.” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:98] Tell him: Allaah can see you even if you steal something in secret, far away from the view of people, because He says (interpretation of the meaning): “He knows the secret and that which is yet more hidden.” [Ta-Ha 20:7] 248

Confront the child: you have to confront the child with the reason and motive for stealing. For example, you could say to him, “I know that you took candy from the store, and that you took it because you felt that you needed it, but stealing it was not the answer. Next time, if you want something, talk to me first. I know that you want to be honest.” Try to make the child see how others feel – “If you were in the place of the person whose property was stolen, how would you feel?” Making the punishment severe, such as making the child return the stolen property and apologize, or making him pay the value of the item if it has been damaged or used up, whilst also depriving him of some privileges at home. Supervising the child and not leaving him alone for a long time. And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path. See: Tanweer al-‘Ibaad bi Turuq al-Ta’aamul ma’a alAwlaad by Dr. Haamid Nahaar al-Mutayri, p. 37. Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 6540: What should I do with my drug-addicted brother? Question: MY BROTHER IS TAKING ECSTASY DRUGS AND I MADE HIM UNDERSTAND IT IS HARAAM. hE IS SAYING IT IS WRONG BUIT IT IS DIFFERENT TO WINE AND HE IS PERSISTING IN IT. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 249

No doubt your brother is in a state of major crisis, and we ask Allaah to help you to deal with this crisis. We advise you to be kind and gentle when you deal with him and advise him, because attention must be paid to his condition, just as with all other sick people – whether they are suffering from a disease of the mind or of the body. You have to do everything you can to stop him from having the drugs and to stop him from meeting the bad friends who are giving or selling him the stuff and thus helping him to do wrong. You should not give him anything he wants, if you can withhold it from him, until he gives up what he is doing. We advise you to consult with a specialist doctor who can treat him properly until he gets better and gives up this habit. If he has young sons or daughters, or brothers and sisters, we suggest that they should also advise him and denounce what he is doing. Perhaps then he will give up because he feels ashamed in front of his children or siblings. You could describe to him, with the support of other people’s testimonials, how he looks and behaves when he is in an intoxicated state and is out of his mind, so that when he comes back to his senses he will see the evil sin that he has committed. Do not forget to pray to Allaah to help him to get rid of this habit. Try to make du’aa’ during the last third of the night, and may Allaah show you the way out. We ask Allaah to guide him and to give you patience. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 250

5435: Her son is two years old and is not eating solid food yet Question: My son is two years old.I fed him with my milk till he is two.He is not drinking other regular milk and not at all interested in eating any food.Is there any particular duvaa or any soora or aayaa or Allah’s name to recite to improve his eating habit? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You should pray to Allaah to make his weaning easy. There is no specific du’aa’ for this particular matter, but it is OK to recite general du’aa’s. Among the du’aa’s for children narrated in the Qur’aan are: What the wife of ‘Imraan said when she gave birth to Maryam (interpretation of the meaning): “Wa innee u’eedhuhaa bika wa dhurriyyatahaa min ashShaytaan ir-rajeem (I seek refuge with You (Allaah) for her and for her offspring from Shaytaan, the outcast).” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:36], and what the believer said (interpretation of the meaning): “wa aslih li fi dhurriyyati (and make my offspring good)” [al-Ahqaaf 46:15]. The words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): 251

“U’eedhuka bi kalimaat Illaahi’t-taammah min kulli shaytaanin wa haammah wa min kulli ‘aynin laammah (I seek refuge for you in the perfect words of Allaah from every devil and every vermin, and from every bad eye)” and: “Allaahumma innee as’aluka al-’afu wa’l-‘aafiyah fi ahli wa maali (O Allaah, I ask you for forgiveness and good health and protection with regard to my family and my wealth). It is also OK to make du’aa’ by yourself with regard to this matter, such as saying, “O Allaah, provide him with blessed food, hasten good nourishment for him and make his weaning easy, and make him independent by Your grace and mercy,” and so on. You should also consult with doctors and seek their help – you may find that they can give you some good advice. May Allaah help you to do all that is good. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2967: His wife claims that she was raped Question: I am a Muslim immigrant in North America. 18 years ago I was newly married and had to go out of town for business. My wife told me that during my absence someone got into the house and just kissed her, but then left, telling her that she is too young. But now after 18 years of our marriage she is telling me that yes she was raped by him. The man had sexual intercourse with her 252

several times that day. During the last intercourse she could not hold back and had orgasm several times from him and hugged and kissed him Since the man was a rapist he never came back afraid of getting caught. I feel devastated from this incidence and very upset that why she did not tell me 18 years ago. I was kept in the dark for so many years, under the impression that no one has ever touched her. Please reply me ASAP what should I do? Is our marriage still valid? Should I divorce her? I also don’t feel like going to the mosque and pray to Allah anymore. Please email me your reply ASAP to XXXX. Another point is that from the start when the man got into the house, she did whatever the man told her to do, she did not resist or scare him, or made him realize that it is a crime he is comitting, etc. She also did not scare him that my brother who used to live with us, is going to come in the house anytime. Her excuse is that she was too scared. I will wait for your advice. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If what your wife has recently told you is what really happened, then she has committed a major sin and an act of clear betrayal by giving in to this attacker and not trying to escape or stop him or call for help and so on. Her claim that she was forced to do it is not acceptable, because she makes no mention of being threatened with a weapon or being tied up, etc. If this is indeed the case, and she clearly did not try to defend herself, then what should you do and how should you regard her? There is no doubt that you should warn her and remind her about Allaah and the Last Day and its horrors, and explain to her the seriousness of overstepping the limits set by Allaah and betraying one’s spouse. You should also 253

remind her of the terrible punishment dictated by sharee’ah for the married person who commits adultery, which is stoning to death. After warning her in this fashion, if you see that she regrets what she did and is striving to be righteous, there is nothing wrong with staying with her, and your marriage will still be valid. It seems most likely that this woman is indeed sorry for what she did and has repented, because she is the one who has brought up the subject after it had been forgotten, and she has told you about it. Perhaps this is because of her guilty conscience and sincere desire to seek forgiveness from her husband. The sin that she committed when she was very young and living in the ignorant environment of America, and where she may have resisted at the beginning of the attack, then softened, is nothing like the sin of a woman who goes out of her way to commit it, and plans to do it deliberately. Our advice is that if this woman is now righteous and truly regrets what she did, then you should forgive her, especially as you may by now have children who will suffer if you divorce her. At the same time, you should continue to teach her, keep an eye on her and not stay away from her for too long. We ask Allaah to acceptance repentance from us all. Finally, I want to address a serious matter that you refer to in the second part of your question, which is the fact that you say you no longer want to go to the mosque or pray or make du’aa’, because of the crisis that you are facing. This is very strange, for whenever the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was faced with a serious matter he would turn to prayer and ask Allaah to help him, and he taught us to do likewise. We should not turn away from the houses of Allaah (mosques) or stop praying and making du’aa’. Where else can you turn in times of trouble and who else can you ask for protection in this crisis? Turn back to Allaah, my brother, 254

ask Him to relieve your distress and seek His help with patience and prayer, for Allaah is with those who are patient. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 7 4882: He discovered that his wife used to go out with someone before she got married Question: One of my friends just married with a beautiful girl a few months ago. Before marriage my friend was thinking that he’s wife is so religious and never went out with any guy in her whole life. He was thinking that his wife has never done anything bad. He really loved her. But after a few months of marriage he found out that his wife has gone out with someone else and had boyfriend before marriage. My friend is really upset now. He really loved her wife and never thought of her like that. He doesn’t love her anymore. He wanted wife like who never went out with anyone or had boyfriend. He doesn’t understand what to do. He’s planning to get divorce. When he asked me for my advice, i couldn’t tell him anything because i have no idea what to say. So, please tell me what should i tell him. What should he do, next? Should he give divorce to her or forget about her past? What does islam says about this situation? Thank you, Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If this woman has mended her ways and has repented to Allaah and has given up haraam things and going out with men, and there are no reasons to be suspicious about her, then our advice is that your friend should keep her and conceal her past mistakes. Whoever conceals a Muslim’s faults, Allaah will conceal his faults in this world 256

and the next. Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful, He forgives and accepts the repentance of the one who turns to Him in repentance. So we should be forgiving and should treat the one who has repented in accordance with the way he is now, and help him to continue to repent. The one who has repented is like one who has never sinned at all. If the husband conceals his wife’s past mistakes and treats her well, this will be of immense benefit in helping this woman adhere to the straight path and encouraging her to continue living a life of purity and chastity; her husband will also have a great reward for concealing her faults, keeping her chaste and helping her to avoid evil and stay on the straight path, living under his care in a pure atmosphere in the marital home. If this woman is still persisting in mischief and going out with men and committing haraam actions, and does not repent despite being advised to do so, then we do not suggest that he should keep her at all. Let him get rid of her and Allaah will provide him with another wife. If she has repented, but he cannot bear what she has done in the past, and he is tormented with bad thoughts that give him sleepless nights, and he is scared that if he keeps her he may mistreat her even though she has repented, then he can divorce her so as to give himself peace of mind and avoid mistreating her. But he should look at the matter anew and think long and hard about the advice we have given here. Let him think about himself too: maybe he has made mistakes in the past, or will do so in the future. We ask Allaah to help him to make the right decision and to guide him to the best way. Allaah is the Source of strength and the Guide to the Straight Path. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 257

3089: Disaster for a family because of a father who does not fear Allaah Question: I, my younger sister and brother used to live with our father after we moved to the US. He had already divorced 3 women including my mother. We found out that all he cares about is money. He treated us well as long as we gave him money. My younger brother left us because of his rude and greedy behaviour. We found out that he drinks beer and alcohol and does Zinaah. He didn’t even care about us. He brought women even in our presence. We tried to stop him but he would abuse us verbally and even beat us. He even accuses my mother of doing haram things and disowns his own son from his fatherhood. He does this just because my brother refused to give him his paycheck. He never persuaded us to perform Salat and fast during Ramadan, and neither he did it himself. Instead he asked me to drink beer and I drank beer a couple of times. I’m married now Alahumdulillah. I and my husband do our Salat regularly and I fast to compensate for the days I didn’t fast during Ramadan. I always repent to Allah to forgive me for the bad things I did intentionally and unintentionally. My husband has been helping me with all this. His behaviour with my younger sister got worst after I moved to another city after getting married. He asked her to drink beer with him and his girl friend but she harshly refused. She had to lock door to sleep. She didn’ t trust him at all. So I asked her to live with us as she didn t have any other place to go (My mother lives in another country). I’ ve questions in this regards. 258

1. My husband says that he will never let him visit us or us visit him until he gives all his haram habits and truly repent to ALLAH. Is this right ? 2. What should we do to make him give up all his bad habits? 3. I know it’s not right for my sister to live with us but what is the ruling in this situation ? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If the situation is as you describe, then what can we say about the immense disaster of a father who does not pray or fast, who drinks intoxicants and commits immoral acts, who neglects his family and calls them to do evil deeds? Laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa Billaah; hasbunaa Allaah wa ni’am al-wakeel; innaa Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raaji’oon (There is no strength and no power except with Allaah; sufficient unto us is Allaah and He is the best Disposer of affairs; verily we belong to Allaah and unto Him we will return). [These are du’aa’s recited by Muslims when faced with calamity – Translator] Does he not know that Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are appointed angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded.”[al-Tahreem 66:6] Does he not know that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no person to whom Allaah has given 259

responsibility and dies neglecting that responsibility, but Allaah will deny him Paradise.” (Reported by Muslim, 203) “Every one of you is a shepherd and every one of you is responsible for his flock (those under his care)… a man is the shepherd over the members of his household and he is responsible for them…” “Allaah will ask every ‘shepherd’ about that for which he was responsible.’ (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1627). “There is no person to whom Allaah has given responsibility over others and he failed to take care of them by advising them sincerely, but he will never smell the fragrance of Paradise.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6617). We ask Allaah to bring this man back to the truth. Know that even though your father has caused you so much suffering, it is not permissible for you to sever your ties with him, in spite of all that you have mentioned. You must keep in touch with him and treat him kindly. You and your siblings should treat him kindly and express your fears for him and your love for him, because of his rights as a father, and because severing ties with him and ignoring him in a hostile manner will only make matters worse. Neither you nor your siblings should obey him in sin. You mention in your message that your father used to treat you well when you gave him money, so if giving him money will put an end to his bad treatment and make things go back to normal, so that you will treat one another well and he will see love and sacrifice on your part, then why not do that? This is provided that he does not use this money to buy haraam things. Try to restrain your anger and forget his past shortcomings in his behaviour towards you. Try to honour him and show love towards him. Visit 260

him and look after him. Maybe this will stir up true fatherly feelings in him, and maybe stop him from doing haraam things. Don’t even think of severing ties with him. Get in touch with your brother and ask him to get back in touch with his father. Know that your being patient with him is a kind of jihaad, which will be rewarded. The idea of not visiting him until he repents is not right, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.” [Luqmaan 31:15] Visit him, so long as it does not cause you unbearable harm or make you do wrongful things. Know that one of the ways to make a sinner repent is having someone who will call him to repent and remind him of Allaah. A child has to treat his parents honourably even if they are mushrikeen. Al-Qurtubi said: “The aayah indicates that one should honour kaafir parents as much as possible by spending on them if they are poor, by speaking kindly to them, and by calling them to Islam.” With regard to your sister, she must be careful when she stays with her immoral father. Locking herself in is a good safety measure and may well be essential at times. If she does not feel safe in the home of this immoral father, she should go and live somewhere else where she can be safe, such as in your house, if it is suitable. Maybe Allaah will give her a righteous husband who will take care of her and protect her. We ask Allaah to guide your father and to bring him out 261

of darkness into light. May He forgive you for your sin and help your sister and all of us to adhere steadfastly to the truth. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2285: Family problems because a Muslim woman wants to marry a Christian man Question: I am a muslim women who want’s to marry a christain man I am not a relgious person but, my family is and I am having a very hard time this matter. I’ve known this person for ten years. My parents are not really religious but my father is afraid of his mother and what they are going to say about his daughter marrying a christian man. my husband to be has converted to the islamic religion but according to my partents and family this is not good enough. please help what should i do. my husband to be is aware of childeren and also is aware that they will be taught the islamic religion. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is regrettable indeed that anyone would fail to adhere to the religion which Allaah has commanded us to adhere to. What is even more distressing is the fact that a Muslim woman would have a relationship (of any kind) with a non-related Christian man for ten years, when she knows that this is something which angers Allaah, Who has 262

forbidden believing women to do such things in the Qur’an (interpretation of the meaning): “… they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…” [alNisaa’ 4:25]. Equally upsetting is the fact that what this Muslim girl’s father fears most – with regard to the marriage described – is not Allaah, but what his mother will say and how his reputation among his relatives will be affected. In any case, there is no way out of this problem now except one: this man must become Muslim in a real sense, and start to practise Islam, and he and this girl should repent for what they have done. Then marrying him will be permissible, and what people may say does not matter, so long as everything is done in accordance with Islam and in a way that will not earn the anger of Allaah; the matter can also be explained to close relatives. If this is not possible, then the relationship with this man should be cut completely, and all thought of him should be dismissed from one’s mind. If, my sister, you feel that there is some harshness in this answer, then by Allaah it is only in your best interests and out of concern for you. We ask Allaah to accept our repentance and have mercy on us, for He is the One Who accepts repentance and is All-Merciful. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 657: Family feud caused by living at the same house Question: I am iving in the same house with my sister, but we end up arguing and fighting all the time. We are a close knit 263

family, and I can not move out. I have tried talking and reasoning with her, but with no avail. How do I handle a situation like this? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is no mention in the question of the reason for the differences between you but, in any case, you should avoid contact with each other as much as possible, and both of you should occupy yourselves with useful things like worship, study of Islaam, etc. There are many brothers and sisters who have experienced similar problems, and when they have distanced themselves from one another, a spirit of love and friendship has returned. You both need to equip yourselves with patience, calmness and tolerance of one another’s mistakes, until Allaah brings about the marriag of either or both of you. It is the nature of life that you will part one day, so let it be on good terms. We ask Allaah to guide you both, to reconcile you and to put friendship and love in your hearts. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad . Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 555: References to propagational issues Question: Bismilla Arrahman Arraheem Dear shaikh , Assalamu Alaycom wa Rahmatu Allah Wabaracatu. In your book “MASA’IL Fi ADA’WA wa ATTARBIA” 264

that was written in the 15th of Ramadan 1412 Hijri in the fourth chapter “Al-iftiqar ila Attaswurat Al-islamiya” page #36 you answered with fifty 50 titles and in the end of the page you mentioned that you have the intention to prepare a reference for every subject from the fifty subjects or titles that you mentioned earlier .PLEASE if you have written them please let me know how can I get them? because after reading these points I do believe that they are a must for every Invitor “DA’EE” to ALLAH and very important for any one wants to serve and work for ISLAM. When I was reading the titles and the thoughts you have written I considered them the practical instructions and guide lines which I really need as an invitor “ Da’ee to Allah” as well as other brothers who are in the field of da’wa and establishing the Deen of Allah. Again please let me know where can I get the books that you wrote under the titles mentioned above ? Jazak Allahu Khaiyra Wassalamu Alaycum wa Rahmatu ALLAH wa Baracatu Answer: Praise be to Allah I mentioned some of the topics you referred to in a book entitled “ad-Dalil ila Maraji’ al-Mawdu’at al-Islamiyyah” which also included references for such topics. The said book comes in 3 volumes of which only Volume 1 has been issued. Volumes 2 and 3 are being printed and will soon be made available by Dar al-Watan for Publishing, Riyadh. Other topics have been included in recorded lectures, teaching sessions and Islamic topics. Other topics need to be discussed and included. I ask Allah to help us all serve His religion and the call to His way. Islam Q&A.Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 265

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