A Halloween Tail

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 1 It’s not that I didn’t like Halloween. I did. I do. Really. It’s just that this year, instead of going to an absolutely fabulous party at my favorite club (called Lowlands, by the way – no reflection on the clientele) with an absolutely hunky date, I was at my sister’s house watching while she and her husband got dressed up to go to their Halloween party. “This is not shaping up to be a good idea.” My tone was well modulated, firm and resolute. The only problem was that she wasn’t paying any attention to me, not that she ever did. “Maybe I’m not the best person to do this.” I tried again with the voice of reason. “You’ll be fine.” My sister murmured in a half-hearted attempt to placate me. Her thoughts were already filled with the fun she would be having later this evening as she finished applying her makeup. MY thoughts on the other hand were filled with dread. “My ass looks fat in this costume.” When all else falls, go for sheer vanity. Hey, sometimes it works. It didn’t look like tonight was going to be one of them. “It’s only for four hours. 240 minutes. And that costume fit me fine last year.” My sister’s full attention was now turned my way and her exasperation was evident. I hate to say I did derive some small measure

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 2 of satisfaction from the way the lines on her face detracted from the make-up job she’d just spent so much time on. ”Can’t someone else take her Trick-or Treating?” I was almost embarrassed at the whine in my voice. “You’re Anne’s Uncle and my brother. You are doing me this favor so that I can go out with my husband to my first Halloween party in ages. You are also doing this because you lost the bet we made about your last so-called boyfriend. “ I’ll give it to my sister. She can be absolutely ruthless when the need arises. Apparently the opportunity to go socialize with other adults instead of ten-year-olds qualified for need. I mean, honestly, don’t you think it was a pretty low blow to bring up Xander? How was I to know that wasn’t his real name but just something he borrowed from a cheesy television show to impress me? And no, we won’t discuss just why that name impressed me. “Besides, you have start doing something to make up for coming over every year, going through her candy bag and stealing all the good stuff. THAT’s why your ass looks fat in that costume.” Did I mention my sister was heartless as well as ruthless? “But….” “No buts. I’m going to a party with Mike. You are taking your niece out Trick-or Treating. You will watch her. Walk beside her. And you will not talk to any strangers.” “Shouldn’t you be telling her that?”

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 3 Sheena, Queen of the Jungle turned her piercing gaze back upon my complaining frame. “I’m telling you. No strangers. Not when you are watching your niece. I don’t care what their costume is.” She walked off uncaring of my muttering that trailed behind her. Leaving me alone with my niece. An orange pumpkin head flashlight in my hand and the costume from hell on my back. It was going to be a great night. I could tell already. *** All too soon my niece, Anne and I waved her parents off. She was filled with rampant anticipation. I was filled with dread. Before I had time to truly savor my feelings Anne tugged impatiently at my costumed arm. “C’mon Uncle Lionel, let’s go. I don’t want to miss all the best candy.” I looked down at her with resignation. I couldn’t believe I really having to go out in public looking like this. Why in the world would my sister imagine any sexy adult vampire or werewolf would want to look at me? Much less consider anything else. If I wasn’t a nice person I might think she gave me this costume deliberately. My niece, on the other hand, was looking cuter than a button. All of nine years old she was dressed like her favorite character from the movie “Pirates of the Caribbean.” Actually, she did look quite a bit like Johnny Depp with that eyeliner on. Certainly her costume had much more sex appeal than did my borrowed apparel. “All right, all right. Are you sure your mom wore this costume last year?” Anne just tugged on my arm again and pulled me towards the door.

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 4

“I’m not going to fit.” I announced, still hoping to be saved by something, anything. Getting stuck in the doorway would qualify. “Come on! There’s that rotten Billy Duncan. I want to go stab him with my sword.” With a final despairing sigh I turned sideways to allow my purple belly and purple tail to fit out the front door and we joined the rest of the happy Trick-or-Treaters. I waddled slowly out into the crowded streets, clutching one of my niece’s hands in my large purple paw while she used her other hand to thrust her costume sword at imaginary threats. As far as Halloween nights go, it was a pretty good one. The night was dark, slightly drizzly and the air was crisp. The purple monstrosity I was wearing though seemed to have a life of its own. Moving and swaying with enough force to make me queasy. “I’m going to get her for this.” I couldn’t help but mutter as a gust of wind sent my hind end swaying once again. “Don’t talk to strangers. Hah!” I continued self-righteously as we made our way out to join the herd of screaming kids and long-suffering parents. “Just what is she expecting? I’m going to pick up the first thing that comes my way?” I paused to let a miniature Sponge Bob Square Pants run by chased by Casper and another unidentified ghoul. “Nah, just the second.” My niece interjected. “Where’d Billy go?”

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 5

“Pardon me?” I politely asked through slightly clenched teeth. “Mom said you’d probably turn down the first thing that came your way and go for the second one.” “She did?” I stepped casually over the petite ballerina that had decided it was time to lie on the ground and rest much to her pleading parents dismay “Yeah. That was after Dad told her about all the Underworld type costumes he’d seen in the store. He said you’d be a goner.” My teeth were definitely edging into gritting now. “He did?” With a discreet kick of my left leg I sent a miniature Freddy Kreuger back in the direction of his oblivious parents. “Uh huh. Right after he bet her fifty bucks that you’d pick up a vampire not a werewolf this year.” “If your mother’s lucky that damn plastic snake she’s wearing as part of her costume will strangle her before I do.” My best sotto voice was rather piercing despite my efforts not to alarm Anne. “How sharp is that sword?” I asked my sister’s little darling. Maybe I could pay her to stab her mother and we could blame it on the sugar buzz the holiday always left in its wake. ”Billy!” With an enthusiastic shriek my niece decided to ignore my last comment and dove into the crowd after a tall kid wearing a Jason costume.

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 6

I stood wobbling in all my purple glory and attempted to put my injured feelings aside while I watched Anne plunge her rubber sword again and again into any part of Jason’s body she could reach. When Jason decided to respond with his rubber axe to her neck I reminded myself once again of my sacred child-watching duties. “Anne, go get me some candy. I need energy to walk around in this thing.” Jason looked up at me and I could see his eyes goggle even behind the bloody hockey mask he wore. “Oh man….” “Can it, kid.” I snarled. “Or else I’ll shove that axe…” “Uncle Lionel!” In an attempt to silence me before I embarrassed her in front of what I now perceived to be the object of her young adoration, she poked me in my large purple belly with the rubber sword. “Isn’t his fake blood and axe cool?” “Cool.” I echoed glumly as I fell in behind them and they began the time honored tradition of extorting their neighbors out of the best candy. I stood back on the sidewalk and let them attack several houses before I cautiously made my way a little further down the sidewalk. I had to be careful in the dark. My inability to control my tail had already earned me a few dirty looks from parents of the small children in my path. At least the dirty looks were better than the sniggers I could hear behind me as people got the full effect of my costume from hell.

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 7

I contemplated the injustices of a universe that involved a sister that went out to a party wearing little more than a strategically placed plastic snake and her refusal to let me wear MY costume of choice while shepherding her daughter. From the tidbits Anne let drop my sister and her husband also needed to exercise a bit more discretion where their conversation was concerned if they felt the need to protect their spawn. “What’s spawn?” “Sorry honey, I didn’t realize you were there. Is that Reeses for me?” Ah, the soothing bliss of chocolate. Its ability to pacify the most disgruntled soul is truly a miracle. At the end of the block I stood in the shadows and waited for Jason and Jack Sparrow to make their way up towards me. It was peaceful in the shadows, away from the light. The crowd seemed surreal, a time-lapse film of motion and sound that was muffled and distorted by the costume I wore. I rummaged absently in the pillowcases they had left with me for safekeeping. I could have sworn that there was another couple of Reeses in Jason’s bag. A shadow crossed in front of me and I held out a Baby Ruth bar that I had picked out by mistake with my purple paw. “Candy?” “Thank you.” The voice was quiet, yet resonated with a smooth, smoky quality that sent little shivers down my spine and raised more than a few of the hairs on the back of my neck.

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 8 Eager to catch a glimpse of the face that belonged to that voice I raised my head a little too quickly and the damn purple headpiece slipped down to cover my eyes. “Damn it!” “Here, let me help you.” Oooh, that voice was wonderful. Molasses. Honey. Caramel. Velvet and Melted Candlewax. All of my favorite things. I almost felt like bursting into song a la Julie Andrews. Even more wonderful were the muscular arms that suddenly encircled me in an effort to help me regain my balance. I swayed slightly, trapped in the bulk of the purple and padded monster. The mask was still covering my eyes but I was sneaking an appreciative sniff of Mr. Smoky Voice and didn’t care. Good voice, good muscles, good smell. The evening was looking up. Being the conscientious Uncle and licensed chocoholic that I was I had managed not to drop the pillowcases left in my care. I held one in each paw, using them as counterweights in an attempt to balance myself. “You dropped your flashlight.” Never one to turn down a free show I cursed my sister, this costume and most of the available gods in the Tri-City area as I realized my new friend was bending over and the mask was still covering most of my face and eyes. I really wanted to get a look at that ass. I angled my head and contorted my face to try to look beyond the costume when another breezy gust of October air hit my tail rudder with

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 9 full force. Already off balance that was all it took to capsize and down I went. Somehow I managed to knock my new friend over in the process. I was on my back, tail squashed beneath me; belly pointed up to the night sky, surrounded by the spilled contents of two candy filled pillowcases. For a few minutes, as I looked up at the clouds and moon peeking out from behind them, I was grateful for the padding that saved me from injury. But, only for a few. That same padding that protected me from the hard ground was also preventing me from feeling every inch of Mr. Smoky Voice who was even now lying on top of me. Rather, on top of the round belly of this damn costume from hell. Where was that damn rubber sword when you needed it? Most of my life my sister has bemoaned my “lack of finer feelings” and caringly pointed out that this is why I was predominately dateless, lived alone except for a large and extremely grumpy cat (who never did forgive me for having him neutered) and was one of the few gay men of her acquaintance that really didn’t have any need to be tested for anything on any regular basis. (She refused to believe any of this had anything to do with personal choice.) Actually, I think we’d even had that conversation earlier this evening. True to form, my lack of finer feelings rose to the surface and I did the only thing I could do other than rip the clothes off of a man who’s face I’d not had a chance to see yet and throw myself on the mercy of his dick - I started to laugh. Not a polite, oh my kind of laugh, nope, not me. A genuine belly laugh that caused the purple monster I was trapped inside to jiggle and sway and knock my would-be rescuer off my belly and over to one side. I was certain that he would now get up and run. I could picture him leaving this certifiably crazy man on his back kicking his purple arms

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 10 and legs in a futile attempt to rise. Instead I was surprised to hear a low, husky chuckle that began deep in his chest. It started rather hesitantly but as my mental imagery forced tears of laughter from my eyes his laugh rose in volume and joined mine until we were both gasping for air. “Hanging or dismemberment?” “Pardon me?” Damn that man had a nice voice. Just the right bit of gravel in it. I decided right then he could be wearing a ballerina costume and look like Ron Jeremy and it wouldn’t matter to me. Well, maybe. Let’s be real here. “Torching or burying alive?” I continued my debate of the utmost import. “I only get to choose one?” “Uh, huh. I have to decide what’s going to be the most fitting end for this costume. It has to stop here.” “It does?” The parrot impersonation was getting a bit disconcerting. “Yep. I won’t allow anyone else to suffer. It has to die.” “Would you care for any help with that?” Good manners go a long way with me. I decided to try again being a little more flirtatious. “It’s Halloween, why are you out playing Trick-or-Treat?”

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 11 “I was helping my sister watch her kids and they somehow got away from me. If I’m honest I’ll have to tell you I was distracted by your costume. I wanted to see just who had the balls to wear something like that.” “I’m all for honesty.” He had talked about my balls didn’t he? I was also glad to know I wasn’t the only one with a demanding sister. He leaned up on one elbow and looked down at me. There was curiosity evident in his expression. I must confess I think drool was evident on mine as I got my first good look at him. Dark, curly hair. A soft growth of beard. Lines of character, lines of pain. And the eyes… I sighed. The man was a god. Hands down. No questions asked. Genetics had conspired to put together this perfect package that was lit from within with a kind of incandescent electric charge. At least, I felt like I was getting zapped. Oh, that was just the Snickers bar under my ass. I shifted a bit to get more comfortable. I’m not sure why exactly, maybe he just had a thing for the color purple, but he wasn’t exactly looking uninterested. Well, I could go along with the vibe I was getting here. Once I looked into those eyes I forgot that I was lying on my back wearing a large amount of purple foam rubber. I forgot everything except that his face was almost close enough for me to feel his breath…. *** “Hey! You’re squashing our candy!” Jason and Jack were back, dammit. I tried to raise my head, failed and waved a purple paw weakly in the air as I attempted to reassure them.

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 12 “You’ve got a whole ‘nother pillowcase. Get over it.” “Who are you?” Anne extended her rubber sword towards my companion. “I’m Michael.” He rose gracefully to his feet and shook first Anne and then Jason’s…er Billy’s hand before reaching down to help them pick up their spoils that were still spread out on the grass. “Uncle Lionel, is he the first or the second?” My niece really is her mother’s daughter. There is no doubt. I almost pitied poor Billy. He had absolutely no clue what lay before him. I was attempting to roll myself over on to one side with no luck. Realizing my dilemma the trio came over to my aide and the kids watched while “Michael” easily picked me up with one hand and held me in place while I found my balance. “That costume is unsafe.” He had a firm grasp of the obvious. And of me. “Well, it’s not long for this world. Let me tell you.” He smiled. It was rather like that old myth. You know, where the woman has the head full of snakes and when you looked at her you turned to stone? Well, in two seconds my cock was so hard it might as well have turned to stone. That’s how great this guy’s smile was. “That’s a shame. Without it I may not have had the pleasure of sharing laughter under the stars in your company.” Wow. I was a goner.

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 13 “What’s your costume, Michael?” “I think he’s a ninja.” Billy tossed his two cents in as he managed to pick up four bulging pillowcases of candy. Ok, Michael was kinda all in black. Did I mention that was my favorite color? “Nah…his face isn’t covered. When Uncle Lionel dated that guy he kept his face covered.” My niece. Do you think my sister would be upset if I killed her and made it look like a tragic accident? “I didn’t have a chance to find a costume this year.” Amazing how innocent this guy could look when he cast his gaze downward. I was suddenly filled with a lustful desire to corrupt him. “Uncle Lionel? Can Billy and Michael come over and help us sort candy this year?” My niece, God bless her. Such a sweet child. But all rabid sexual fantasies aside my sister would go ballistic if I brought a stranger into her home, much less fucked said stranger in her home with my niece and Billy upstairs. I had finally managed to right the stupid purple headpiece of this costume that had caused so much trouble in the first place, and I had opened my mouth to channel my sister’s voice of reason (and offer Michael an alternate location) when I saw three pairs of pathetically pleading eyes. One set heavily outlined with black eyeliner, one set barely visible behind a bloody hockey mask, and the last set framed with some of the most ridiculously long lashes I'd ever seen.

A Halloween Tail by Chrissy Munder 14 Toss in a small sugar buzz (I think last count was eight Reeses, I’m not sure), raging testosterone and yes, I must confess, the desire to see that lovely vein in my sister’s forehead bulge once again as her blood pressure rose to new heights and really I had no choice but to say yes. “Michael, would you like to help us sort out candy?” He agreed graciously and as we walked off I was already deciding where we could go later this evening with the $100 I would be sure take off my sister and her husband.

Check out these other titles by Chrissy Munder…