Addicted

Addicted by Cassie Stevens

Amber Quill Press www.amberquill.com

Copyright ©2008 by Cassie Stevens

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CONTENTS Also By Cassie Stevens CHAPTER 1 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 3 CHAPTER 4 CHAPTER 5 CHAPTER 6 CHAPTER 7 CHAPTER 8 Epilogue Cassie Stevens Amber Quill's Rewards Program ****

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ADDICTED By CASSIE STEVENS **** Amber Quill Press, LLC www.amberquill.com

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Also By Cassie Stevens Behind Closed Doors Don't Ask, Don't Tell Legacy Model Behavior Secret Lovers The Things We Do For Love [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 1 Vic Williams had been waiting for this day for months. Dread, coupled with anticipation he hated to admit to, raced his heart. Any minute Damien Walker was going to step through that door. Captain Damien Walker. United States Marine Corps officer. Vic's former lover. The man who'd walked out on Vic ten years before. The man who'd crushed his heart and left when Vic needed him most. His new executive officer. Funny how life could change in the blink of an eye. Cruel, actually. Still Vic couldn't resist a wry chuckle at the ironic turn of events. Ten years before he was the one in charge, giving Damien what Damien swore he couldn't live without. Apparently, he'd been able to live without it very well since he'd stormed out the door like his ass was on fire ... and not from a well-placed paddle. Vic hadn't seen or heard from him since that horrible night. Of course that didn't stop Vic from keeping tabs on the man. Once he'd learned Damien had joined the Marine Corps, too, it made it easier to do. Working in admin had its perks. In the space of one week, Vic's world had fallen apart. But if he'd had to make the decision again, he still would have done the same thing. No regrets there. The pain to his heart was another matter. Plenty of regrets there, however, he hadn't been the one to cause the heartbreak. That was all Damien's doing. Vic had never realized how selfish, how twofaced the man was until that moment. Over the years he'd 6

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tried to tell himself it was better to have found out early on. Those words had never mended the hole in his heart. Well, now Damien was back in his life and about to get the shock of his life. Vic had come into the admin office early to make sure his was the first face Damien saw when he checked in. For months Vic had imagined the shock in Damien's big blue eyes when he saw him sitting there. Vic had practiced indifference in the mirror. He'd be damned if he'd allow Damien to see any emotion whatsoever—how much he'd hurt him, how betrayed Vic still felt to this day. Damien would get the courtesy and professionalism his rank required by military regulations, nothing more, nothing less. But Vic would be double damned if he bowed and scraped before the man. He was the master. Damien could climb to the top of the military ladder and that fact wouldn't change. They'd established those roles from the beginning of their relationship. Just because the relationship no longer existed... People change. Life changes. Vic cursed the voice in his mind. He didn't need his conscience defending Damien Walker. He hadn't needed the obsession that had driven him to constantly check on Damien either, but he'd done it anyway. Clearly he was the one with the problem since he couldn't let this go. He was the one who couldn't move on. It seemed clear Damien didn't have that problem. Yet, from the look of things, Damien's life wasn't all roses either. Vic wanted to be happy that, from appearances, Damien was unhappy. His heart betrayed him there, too. Vic booted up the office computers and started a pot of coffee. The Marines and civilians who worked in the battalion 7

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would be filtering in soon ... and Damien not far behind. Would others see that moment of shock and recognition in Damien's eyes? He snorted. It'd been ten years, so maybe Damien wouldn't recognize him. That would sting. Sure, Vic's hair was shorter, he had more muscle mass and was damn fit. Manhood and the Marine Corps changed a man. Life did, too. The nametag on his camouflage shirt would give him away. But then, there were a lot of Williamses in the world. A lot of Walkers, too. But not named Damien. He'd double checked the Social Security Number just in case. It wasn't hard to remember since it was only one number off from Vic's. That confirmed, he'd also checked the photos online of the man. Nothing could disguise his features. They'd be forever ingrained on Vic's mind ... and heart. "Damn!" He smacked his fist against the file cabinet. The middle drawer popped open. He slammed it shut and spun around toward his desk. Frustration, anxiety, and a haunting want built with every second. His imagination ran rampant with his favorite scenario—Damien walking through the door and immediately going to his knees before Vic. He'd apologize, of course. Beg for forgiveness. Beg for the discipline he knew he deserved. Beg for Vic's cock in his mouth. Vic would order him to unbutton Vic's fly with his teeth, to keep his hands locked behind his back. His cock, already hard as steel, stretched the seams on his cammies to bursting. Vic stomped back to the coffeemaker to retrieve a cup, then adjusted his erection and hid it behind his desk. 8

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Fingers flew over his keyboard by habit, opening email, calling up reports. One eye stayed on the door, his heart thudding each time it swung open. And each time his stomach churned when he saw it was just another regular member of the office. "'Morning, Gunny," his young corporal greeted as he sat across from him. "Good weekend?" "Great weekend." Lousy, actually. He'd spent the majority of his time pacing before he'd focused the excess energy on yard work and house cleaning. "You?" "Went to Vegas to pay my yearly dues to the gambling gods." Vic smiled and leaned back in his chair. "Oh, yeah? What was their demand this time?" The corporal laughed. "I started with one hundred, won five, then lost it all." Vic laughed, too. "At least you got free booze and cheap food out of it." "And my girlfriend loved the trip. We went to a couple of shows. Walked The Strip. Had a great time." His grin widened. "I proposed." "Ho!" Vic laughed harder. "Hey, congratulations!" He jumped up to clasp the young man's hand. "Since you're smiling I'm going to presume she said yes." He beamed a wider smile and shook Vic's hand. "She sure did, Gunny." The announcement brought the rest of the office swarming to the corporal's desk with congratulations, teasing, plans for bachelor parties. Their commanding officer buzzed in the door 9

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and joined them, adding his own congrats and jokes to the mix. Vic had always liked the camaraderie of this particular office. He'd worked in some over the years that were hell on earth. Laughter filled this room, chasing away his worries, lightening his mood. And just like that, a cloud settled over them all as they realized a stranger was in their midst. Office workers descended into silence one by one. Everyone's gaze turned toward the door. Vic's heart tumbled at the sight of those striking blue eyes. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. But he could damn sure feel—from the tingle that lifted goose bumps over his skin, to the cock that burned a hole through his cammies. Damien's gaze locked onto Vic, his sweet mouth agape. Looked like someone else was at a loss for words, too. The victory Vic savored was hollow. He'd wanted Damien surprised—check. He'd wanted him mute—check. But it was Vic who wanted to fall to his knees before the man and clutch his arms around him. Emotion he swore no longer existed swelled his throat. He tore his gaze from that of the other man, but his eyes went no farther than Damien's face. Vic absorbed new details time and life had written there. His skin was weathered from hours in the sun. Lines framed his eyes and lips. The urge to trace the deepest one on the left side of Damien's mouth overwhelmed him. His blond hair was cut to regulation, but no shorter. Here and there Vic thought he spied a bit of silver. 10

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Lieutenant Colonel Jackson thrust his hand forward, breaking the spell that had locked Vic and Damien in place. "You must be my new XO." Vic slipped behind his desk while Damien clasped the CO's hand. "Yes, sir. I'm Captain Walker. Looking forward to being here." His smile brightened his eyes, making Vic want him all the more. He remembered those eyes shaded with desire, with love, raw with sex. Jackson clapped Damien on the back and steered him toward his office. "Let's get acquainted, Captain. Someone get your new XO a cup of coffee." The corporal jumped up to do so. Vic couldn't move. He stared after Damien until the door cut off his view. Then and only then was he able to release a shaky breath, and all the hurt of ten years rushed in to replace it. [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 2 Damien Walker knew Lieutenant Colonel Jackson was talking, but he couldn't understand a word beyond the buzzing in his head ... and the throbbing in his groin. His dick was so hard it hurt. His heartbeat thundered in his ears. If he looked down, Damien was certain he'd see it pounding in his chest. Vic. The name alone spawned memories and the hurt that went along with them. It'd taken less than a second for recognition to slice into him. Obviously his cock didn't have that problem. Damien swore it recognized Vic by scent or vibes or whatever. One step across the threshold and it'd sprung to life, rearing its randy head and ready to race across the room and slam into the well-remembered heat of Vic's body. Damien didn't know whether to bless the heavens or curse them for allowing him to notice Vic first. It had given him a definite advantage and a chance to recover his shock. But seeing Vic laughing with the rest of the office, brown eyes glinting gold, smile dimpling his cheeks, gut-punched him. Vic had yet to get his breath back, and now a cold, clammy sweat crawled down his back. Vic looked as good if not better than he had ten years ago. Damn his black-hearted soul. Damien didn't want him to look great. By rights Vic should be suffering, hurting, crushed under the weight of the world, a wasted husk of a man for the pain he'd caused Damien all those years ago. And yet he had 12

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the nerve to stand there looking irresistibly delicious, happy and laughing, tanned and fit. A gunnery sergeant, for shit's sake! He'd done well. He'd thrived. The knowledge cut another big hole in Damien's heart, right next to the knife thrust Vic had delivered all those years ago. He'd wanted to slug him. He'd wanted to hug him. Fuck! Damien hated conflicting emotions. "You can unclench your fist now, Captain." Damien snapped out of his reverie at Jackson's words. He stared down at his thigh. Sure enough, his fist stared back, white-knuckled, veins bulging. He forced himself to calm, then wiped his shaking, sweat-soaked palm over his trouser leg. "You and the gunny know each other?" There was no sense denying it. A quick search of their clearances would reveal all. Well ... not all. "Yes, sir. We grew up in the same area, went to high school together, a year in college." Planned our lives together. God, the pain in his chest was as fresh and raw as if it'd just happened. "You two going to butt heads?" An image flashed into his mind—bodies wrapped around each other, cocks thrusting, hot cum drenching ... "No, sir. I have no doubt we can manage professional decorum." God, country, Corps, and all that. "Glad to hear it." Jackson leaned back. "He's the best admin chief I've ever had ... just picked up gunnery sergeant a couple of months ago. You come highly recommended, too. 13

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I understand you're on the list for major. This billet should help profile you to the promotion board." Command experience was always a feather in an officer's hat. "That's my plan, sir." "Great. Probably wouldn't hurt for you and the gunny to have a private talk off-duty just to clear the air, but that's your call. I trust you'll keep any tension out of the office. We've got a tight group here, and I'd like to keep it that way." "Absolutely, sir." Bad idea. Very bad idea, especially when his cock and heart were at war over Vic right now. "I like to run with the troops every couple of weeks or so." Jackson laced his fingers behind his head and rocked back in his chair. "Have cookouts to celebrate promotions, job well done, hail and farewells..." Jackson's voice droned on, while Damien's thoughts wandered. It was all typical stuff. Good for morale. Workout during lunch when the weather was cool and in the mornings or evenings when it wasn't. The battalion probably had shower facilities onsite. He could see himself now, running into Vic in the shower. Too many memories. No, until he got himself in check, he'd do his PT at home. Hard-ons were a fact of nature for a guy, but they had a whole different meaning when the man behind the erection knew there was nothing innocent about it. "Of course, with all the good comes the bullshit, too, from time to time," Jackson was saying. "My experience has been to roll with it, sir." He added a smile. "Or jump out of the way if it's rolling downhill." 14

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Jackson's booming laughter filled the room. "A man after my own heart. You'll fit in great here." "I'm hoping so, sir." Right now he wanted to be stationed anywhere but here. Far, far away from Vic Williams's dimples, hard body, and lying eyes. "I know the gunny's got a pile of crap for you to sign so you can hit the ground running. Let's head to the club for lunch. We can get acquainted a little better then." "Sounds like a plan, sir." Damien stood when Jackson stood, shook the man's beefy hand, then left the office ... and walked right into Vic's penetrating gaze. "I understand you have some things for me, Gunny Williams?" He winced inside at the unintentional double entendre. Vic had the good grace not to react. "Everything's right here, Captain Walker." He held up a file folder. "Your office is right there." He pointed to the next door. "Ready and waiting for you." Damien gave him a nod and walked in that direction. He was all too aware of Vic right behind him. Any second now he expected Vic's hand molding around his ass, or snapping around his waist and yanking him against his body, cock tucked into the cleft of his ass. He swallowed against the rush, but couldn't force his erection to subside. If anything, the barely perceptible heat from Vic's body, coupled with his scent, doubled Damien's predicament. His office was the standard setup, a duplicate of thousands of others across the military—desk, computer and printer, bookshelves, two chairs for visitors, wall locker for his 15

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uniforms so he could come to work in civilian attire and have his PT gear on hand. The exception was the brand new brown leather executive chair. Damien couldn't resist a caress—soft, supple. The scent curled into his veins. "Very nice." The words came on their own. He felt his cheeks heat up and waited with breath held for Vic to make some comment about his obsession with leather. Silence prevailed. It annoyed him all the more. Setting his worn briefcase on the desk, Damien stood behind it, but he refused to sit down, refused to put himself into a position subservient to Vic. Doing so smacked of too many other things, too many other wants too long unfulfilled. "So ... what do you have for me?" He hated the way his words kept coming out. "What's to sign?" He reached for the folder. Vic placed it on the glass-topped desk and flipped it open. "Standard stuff. Pens are in your top desk drawer." Everything was highlighted and tagged where Damien needed to sign. More of the same old stuff. He had no choice but to sit in order to review and sign the pages. If only his hand would quit shaking. Had Vic noticed the hard-on swelling his trousers? Did Damien dare look to see if Vic sported one, too? The chair sighed as he sank into it. It sounded too much like his own sigh whenever Vic slid his cock deep inside his ass. Damien grappled for something to put distance between his feelings and this man. Something to erase the image of himself staring up at Vic with a flogger in his hand ready to give Damien everything he needed. Anything... 16

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"Have a seat, Gunny. This could take a while." He kept his gaze locked on the stack of paperwork, not on the man easing into the chair opposite him. "I understand you were recently promoted. Pretty young to be a gunnery sergeant." "Right place, right time, took advantage of opportunities. And, with all due respect, sir ... you're pretty old to be a captain." The dig hit its intended target. They both knew it was a lie. Rank didn't come easy, whether you were officer or enlisted. Damien scribbled his signature again and flipped to the next page. "How's your wife?" The question came out as a sneer. He couldn't help it. Hurt soured his stomach and left an acidic taste in his mouth. "Happily married to the man of her dreams," Vic replied. "Yours?" From the periphery of his vision, Damien saw Vic's eyebrow quirk. "Moved on to bigger and better things and took my two kids with her." "Two kids, huh? How'd that happen? She siphon the cum out of one of your condoms?" Damien's head snapped up. Rage boiled from his eyes. Vic was already on his feet and heading for the door. "I'm sure you don't need me up your ass while you sign all that. The corporal will be in soon to get you started on your computer. I'll get the folder from you later ... sir." It took every ounce of will and discipline his body possessed to stay in his seat, when all Damien wanted to do was haul Vic back here and show him who was really in charge. 17

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[Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 3 Vic's feet pounded the pavement. He ran like his life depended on it. God knew his sanity did. As for his rampaging libido ... nothing was going to quell that anytime soon. Except Damien on his knees before him, Vic's cock deep in his mouth. This reunion wasn't turning out the way Vic envisioned it. Sure Damien was shocked and uncomfortable, but Vic had imagined his own emotions as cool and distant. But one look at Damien and it all came rushing back at him. The pain. The heartbreak. The want. The inability to think much less breathe unless they were wrapped in each other's arms. He needed to yank his head out of his crotch and put it back on his shoulders. Already he'd made a huge mistake mouthing off to Damien. After all, Damien was his superior officer. The irony of the role reversal wasn't lost on Vic. Of course he'd known for quite some time that Damien outranked him, but having physical verification, having Damien here and actually giving him orders grated against what little control Vic had left. The need to wrest that control from him clawed at Vic. It scared him. Vic knew Damien couldn't report him without endangering his own career, and vice versa. But any show of disrespect would filter down to the troops. Not good. Somehow he had to get a handle on his emotions.

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Professional courtesy. Cool indifference under a polite façade. Piece of cake. He'd done it before on those rare occasions when he'd had to work for an ass. But you didn't love them. "Damn it all," he muttered through clenched teeth. He didn't love Damien now. His conscience called him a liar. He'd never stopped loving Damien, not even when Damien deserted Vic at his darkest hour. Loved him ... and hated him in the same breath. He wanted to scream at the insanity of the conflicting emotions. He wanted to fall to his knees on the pavement and pound his fists into the asphalt until they were bloodied and he could feel a pain other than the one crushing his chest. He wanted to cry at the unfairness of life's obstacles, cry until there was nothing left inside. But he knew that wouldn't solve a thing. The ocean of tears he'd already shed proved that. Vic picked up speed, fists pumping, feet pounding in a frantic attempt to reach the sanctuary of his office, the solitude of a shower stall before he lost it completely. Other than the phone watch, no one else had returned. Bathed in sweat and starting to stink like he'd been in the field for two weeks, he nodded to the clerk on duty, then snagged his gear and hurried to the showers. Never was he more thankful that whoever designed the building had opted for two private showers rather than a bank of open ones. Vic desperately needed that privacy now. Stripped to the skin, he swung the door open and stepped inside. A twist of his wrist put the cold water on full blast. Vic braced his palms against the tile wall, waiting for the chill to 20

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shock his system back to normal. His cock lifted its unruly head in defiance, reminding Vic of the time he and Damien had used all the hot water, laughed about it, and kept on loving each other. His balls hugged his body, lifting his dick another inch. Vic cupped his testicles, tugging down in the hope of loosening them. He clenched his teeth against a groan, remembering Damien's hot mouth around him, his fingers kneading, probing. He gasped at the memory and squeezed his balls. His skin prickled; body begged for something more. He fumbled for the bar of soap he'd brought with him and lathered his hands until suds poured from his fingers. Back braced against the shower wall, Vic kneaded his sac in one hand and stroked his erection with the other. Right now they were poor substitutes for the touch of another. More gutwrenching pain stabbed him. Vic released himself long enough to turn on the hot water. The warm spray calmed his jangled nerves, but not the ache in his groin. Only one thing would cure that, and since he didn't anticipate fucking Damien any time soon, that left only one solution. He fisted his cock once more and rolled his balls in his palm. Steam rose around him. He shoved his middle finger deep into his anus, thrusting relentlessly as his hand flashed over his erection. His sphincter tightened, sending rippling waves of pleasure down to the tip of his penis and back to his balls. He came hard and fast, jism spurting in thick jets to the opposite wall. Vic slumped and watched the evidence of his 21

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indiscretion trickle down the drain with the swirling water. Relief was short-lived. Loneliness replaced it. Did you miss me, Damien? Did your heart ache for me? Did you roll over in bed, reaching for her and wish it was me? He squeezed back tears and shoved his face beneath the spray. How was he going to get through these next few years stationed with Damien when he could barely make it through one day? Vic skidded soap suds over his body, anxious now to be out of the shower and back at his desk before Damien returned. The wall of professionalism was his only protection against his emotions. He had to make sure every brick was firmly in place before he faced Damien again. It didn't help. Vic had just taken a bite of the ham sandwich he'd brownbagged from home when Damien and Lieutenant Colonel Jackson returned from lunch, laughing and chatting it up like they were good ole boys from way back. The food lodged in Vic's throat. Damien breezed by without so much as a glance. Like Vic didn't even exist. He stared at the far wall, seething over the slight, and crammed another bite in his mouth. "Biting off more than you can chew again, eh, Gunny?" He jumped at the sound of Damien's voice right next to him. Before he could come up with a reply, or swallow enough to give one, Damien tossed the file folder in the center of Vic's desk. "There you go. All signed and ready. Anything else you need from me right now?" 22

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Vic managed a muffled, "No, thir," that earned Damien's smirk. "Great. I have an inbrief with the Chief of Staff at thirteenthirty. The colonel and I will be having a sit-down with the battalion sergeant major at fifteen-hundred. I'd also like—" His gaze fell to the picture under the glass on Vic's desk—Tim in his Cub Scout uniform. Damien backed away. "I'd ... I'd also like to meet the section heads, but there's nothing I hate more than being dragged out to a meeting with the new guy when I've got work to do, so I don't intend to be that hard-ass throwing their schedules off. Set something up for tomorrow that you feel is convenient. You know the place a hell of a lot better than I do. Coffee and donuts. Cookies and milk. Cake and ice cream. I don't care. Set it up. I'll cover the cost. I don't want the troops left out either. So just"—he threw up his hands— "take care of it." He ducked into his office without another word. Vic stared at the little boy who'd changed everything with his accidental conception and knew he would have done it all over again. [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 4 Lucy had a boy. The words ran a continual circuit through Damien's head throughout the remainder of the afternoon. He'd been furious with Vic after the cutting remark about his kids. Since an uppercut was out of the question, Damien decided flexing his officer muscles would be enough to make Vic's life a living hell. The picture took it all out of him, nearly buckled his knees, and damn sure caught him unaware. The resemblance the child had to his father was ... haunting. Here was reality staring him right in the face. God only knew what Vic thought and felt when he looked at the boy. No ... Damien knew what he felt. It would duplicate his feelings for his own sons. Emotions flashed back to that awful night all those years ago, betrayal and desertion ... confusion laced with pain ... fear ... and shame. Seeing the boy's picture, knowing how he felt about his sons, Damien finally understood the sacrifice Vic had made. But he still didn't like the way he'd gone about it. That wound to his heart had festered and still bled ... would always bleed. What would Damien do if he met the child face to face? It was a given he would. Surely Vic had visitation rights. Damien did—a week at Christmas, spring break, the summer, weekends whenever possible. The boy didn't deserve Damien's animosity nor did his sons deserve it from Vic. They were innocents in this. And if the boys were all here at the 24

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same time, there was bound to be interaction of some kind— sports activities, office functions, trips to the pool. Kids weren't bound by military regulations. They were just kids bonding and having a great time. They didn't need the excess adult garbage. Children often reflected the way their parents reacted. That wasn't going to happen. Somehow he and Vic had to resolve their differences and move beyond, for the sake of the children. By the time Damien was free of appointments, Vic had left for the day. He thought it was better that way. The conversation wasn't going to be easy. The last thing they needed when they were trying to clear the air was the threat of being overheard in the office. Providing Vic would even speak to him off-duty. In the office he had no choice; after hours he'd probably slam the door in Damien's face. He wouldn't accept that, pure and simple. Shuffling through the stack of rosters the corporal had given him earlier, Damien found the recall list with the names, addresses, and phone numbers of all personnel. He scribbled Vic's information on a sticky pad and tossed it in his briefcase. His body quivered as he walked to his car, but Damien couldn't say whether it was from dread over the upcoming confrontation or anticipation over being alone with Vic. He couldn't lie that the man still did things for him, at least in his own mind. Damien couldn't count the nights he'd lain in bed thinking of all he and Vic had shared, all they'd done. Those were the thoughts that got Damien through the façade of marriage. A 25

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marriage that had ended when Damien confessed to his wife his need for a little more. Gail never tried. She'd looked at him like he was nuts. It made him damn grateful he'd never bothered to tell her he was gay trying to pass in a straight world. The battle for his sons would have devastated them all and ruined his military career in the process. Still, that knowledge didn't stop Damien from wanting it, from wanting Vic. He tossed his briefcase to the passenger seat and slipped behind the wheel of his Ford Taurus. After a quick glance around, he adjusted his erection. He'd been hard most of the day, every time his gaze wandered to Vic, or he remembered Vic's unfettered laughter from this morning, or he walked by Vic's desk and smelled him. Damien couldn't say which was more difficult. Hurt and angry as he was with the man, Vic's presence made Damien want to bury his face in Vic's crotch and inhale him. Made him want to wrap his arms around Vic so tight they could make the last ten years go away—not the kids, just the agony of what had torn Damien and Vic apart. He indulged himself in a few strokes, fondling his hard sac while he did so. Had Vic thought of him at all? Missed him? Ached the way Damien had every night? Those were questions Damien wasn't sure he wanted answered, especially if the answer was no. He drew in a breath and started his car. The drive home was torture with his cock at full mast. Rehearsing what he'd say when he got to Vic's house didn't help. Each scenario ended with him carrying his broken heart back home. He was pathetic to still love and crave the man. Survival instinct 26

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warned him to let it go, to keep to these new roles and work it to his advantage. But his heart—his damned heart—needed more. It needed to know why, even after all this time. As for his cock ... it needed one thing—Vic. Damien pulled up in front of his house without realizing he'd driven the short distance. What the three-bedroom investment lacked in landscaping potential, it more than made up for with its charm and durability. His boys would do well here and enjoy having rooms of their own when they stayed. Hopefully, Damien would have his household goods squared away by the time they arrived for their summer visit. Right now he was living in a sea of boxes with little time to unpack anything but the essentials. He jangled his keys as he marched up the walkway from his driveway. Nervous energy, he tried to tell himself. But there was no denying his brain was falling prey to his hormones. His cock felt every step he took and begged for relief. If he didn't take himself down a notch, he'd never be able to face Vic with any confidence. Damien seated the key and swung into the house. He leaned against the closed door, inhaling deep breaths to calm himself. His briefcase clunked to the floor. Hands shook as he unbuttoned his camouflage trousers. The fly and his boxers were damp with pre-cum. Damien shoved them down and his erection sprang free. He let it bob before him while he stripped off boots, socks, cammie blouse and olive-drab Tshirt. In his mind, he pretended he'd been ordered to do so. He'd been pretending a long time. 27

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He raked his fingers through his short hair, scrubbed his neck, and walked slowly to his bedroom. He'd already unpacked what he needed—innocent, everyday items that served a need Damien had never been able to explain ... an addiction he couldn't live without. Without Vic, he'd learned to feed the craving in private, alone. It was better than not having it at all. Nerve endings came to life with what he was about to do. His erection and balls felt like steel. Under the proper hand he'd be brought to the edge of orgasm, only to have it choked off and made to wait. He retrieved a condom from the stash he kept under his shorts. Hands shook as he tore open the packet. A groan ripped from his throat, raw and loud, when he rolled it into place. He wasn't going to last long for this session, so he opted to deny himself anal play. The belt was next—wide, soft leather, flexible. Damien walked to the closet where it hung with the others he wore. He caressed the leather, then lifted it to his nose to inhale. His balls tightened, cock lifted. He rolled the belt around his palm until only a long tongue of it remained. As he walked to his queen-sized bed, he slapped the leather against his thigh. His free hand reached for the bed pillows, then shoved them into place so his ass would be high. Damien sank down, fucking the downy pillows as he did so. He smacked the belt hard over his buttocks, warning himself to wait. Curling one arm over the pillows, he wiggled higher until his sac was cradled as well. Another whack heated his ass. Damien closed his eyes on a groan. His body shook from the effort to keep still. Again the belt fell. Then again, harder. He 28

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counted out the strokes. At one hundred, he finally allowed himself to fuck the nest beneath him, never letting up on the whipping. Fire pooled in his groin, boiling the cum lodged in his balls. He tried to hold back, but the image of being laid out for Vic was too much. He slammed a thrust into the pillows, screaming as the jism shot from him. Damien sagged with relief, panting for breath, but calmer. Now he could face Vic. [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 5 Vic eyed the contents of his refrigerator, trying to decide what to have for dinner. Hungry as he was, his heart wasn't in preparing a meal. He was physically and emotionally spent from the day. It was funny in a way. He'd been prepared for months for Damien's arrival and still hadn't been able to handle it worth a damn. He fished a Corona from the bottom shelf and shut the door. Let someone else do the cooking. He popped the top and studied his limited options from the takeout menus on the refrigerator door—Chinese or pizza. Neither appealed to him. Grilled steak and baked potato were sounding better by the minute. He'd toss a salad together and... A shadow of movement caught the corner of his eye— someone coming to his door. Sure enough, a second later, the doorbell rang. He expected the shadow to walk by and to hear the roar of the UPS truck follow. The only people who came by his house without advance warning were the delivery companies. But the doorbell rang again. Puzzled, Vic set his beer on the counter and hurried to the door. He peeled the edge of the drape to one side when he reached it for a look at who was there. His heart raced at the sight of Damien ... and his cock reached for the door knob. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he snapped. Damien's shoulders slumped for the briefest moment, then he pulled them back and lifted his chin. Those blue eyes locked onto Vic through the window. "We need to talk." 30

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"You can talk to me in the morning, Captain." He let the drape fall back into place. "We both know this is a conversation no one needs to overhear. We've got to clear the air or we'll never be able to work together." Vic whipped the door open. "All the talking in the world isn't going to make working with you comfortable. Hell on earth comes to mind." "Then why didn't you request a transfer out before I got here? In your position, you would've known I was coming." Vic didn't have an answer and couldn't bullshit one either. "Think of the kids," Damien said. Vic narrowed his eyes. "What about the kids?" "They'll most probably hook up during the summer. Do you really want our garbage dumped on them?" So now their past relationship was garbage. That was par for the course. But Damien sure knew Vic's vulnerable spot. He shoved the screen door open. "Make it quick. I was just trying to get dinner." Leaving Damien to come in on his own, Vic did an aboutface and returned to the kitchen and his beer. Holding the bottle gave his hand something to do so it wouldn't be tempted to touch Damien in any way. His body always did have a mind of its own where Damien was concerned. Even now, watching Damien stride across the living room floor, it wanted to press against him, hold him tight, wallow on the carpeted floor with him until they came all over each other. It had to be a sin to look so great. Damien's blue jeans rode his hips like they lived there, curving over that apple31

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perfect ass. He wore a loose, button-down shirt that still managed to showoff the mesas of his well-muscled chest, and in a color that matched those blue eyes. Vic caught himself biting his lower lip and ordered himself to stop. A sip of beer kept his mouth busy, but his throat played hell swallowing. "Beer's in the fridge," he somehow managed to say. "Help yourself." Damien reached for the handle, pausing when he saw Tim's pictures on the door. "What's his name?" Vic lusted after Damien's ass as the man opened the door and bent over to grab a Corona from the bottom shelf. Images of yanking those jeans down, spreading his cheeks and plunging inside him swirled through Vic's head. He cleared his throat. "Timothy." "Ah ... of course." Damien grabbed the bottle opener from where Vic had tossed it next to the knife block, popped the cap, and leaned against the opposite counter. "He's the perfect image of your brother." "Yes." "Does he know?" "Yes. Lucy, her husband, and I told him when he turned eight. He still calls me Dad, though. Said it felt funny to call me something else. Said he liked the idea of having three dads who loved him. Lucy's husband is a great guy. They have two sons of their own. Sometimes I have all three boys here. My parents have visitation, too." Why the hell was he telling Damien all this? "Her family?" Damien asked. "Out of the picture as we intended." 32

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Damien took a drink. Vic's gaze locked on to his Adam's apple. "How long were you and Lucy married?" "Only as long as it took to see she and the baby were settled and safe. Just like I told you it would be." Silence stretched between them for what felt like an eternity. Finally Damien answered. "That's just it, Vic. You didn't exactly tell me anything. You just did it. You didn't consult me. You didn't talk about plans or alternatives. You just did it." Fingers clenched around the beer bottle. "What the hell was I supposed to do, Damien? Let her family get hold of her again? My brother was dead. That baby was all my parents and I had left of him. They would have beaten her to a pulp. God only knows what they would have done to her baby. The only way to protect them both was to marry her." "Well ... you did that, didn't you?" He snorted. "I don't fault you for your decision. It was the way you did things without any thought to my feelings." "My brother was dead!" he shouted. "His girlfriend was pregnant with his child and in danger! What the fuck else was I supposed to do?" "I guess we'll never know since you never looked for other options or even bothered to inform me of your plan before you went and did it!" "Time was a luxury we didn't have, and you know that." He stabbed his finger in Damien's direction. "All I know is that I came to your dorm room and found you packing as fast as you could." 33

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"I couldn't let anyone question the marriage. We had a façade to maintain to protect her and the baby. Restraining orders. In the space of a week, my brother was dead and I had full charge of his child and his girlfriend. I had to support them. I had plans—" "Plans that clearly didn't include me." "Because you walked out on me!" He stabbed his finger in the air again. "No." Damien shook his head. "You left. You walked out the door, baggage in hand. Your last words were, 'Tell my roommate I'll be back for my stuff later.' Like I was suddenly"—he swallowed hard and Vic thought he saw tears in the other man's eyes—"your slave, your lackey, your ... boy." Realization slapped Vic in the face. Damien closed the distance between them. "Did you ever for a second think of how you'd made me feel? My God, Vic ... think of how we were. Do you even remember?" Remember? He would never forget. The loss haunted him every second. He'd grieved for Damien as he had for his brother Tim. "All you had to do was tell me. I loved you. I needed you more than anything." He still did. "You had a damn funny way of showing it." Damien shook his head and lifted his palms. "We're done here. I can't ... We're done." Long strides carried him across the living room. All Vic could see was Damien walking out of his life again. The pain, the rage, was more than he could take. 34

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"Don't you walk away from me, Damien! Don't you dare walk away from me again!" He hurled the beer bottle. It shattered against the front door. Damien spun around and stomped back. "Stop saying that! You left me! You left me!" He beat his fist against his chest. "What was I supposed to do? Run to your parents' house like a lovesick fool and beg you to not leave me? What would have happened then, Vic? I trusted you with the second biggest secret in my life, my deepest needs and desires. The way you acted ... The way you treated me ... Like I was nothing. Like I truly was the submissive doing your bidding. Like I was your slave to order around. "Can you even for a minute understand the degradation and shame you made me feel? Run after you? Beg you to not leave me? Why? To be kicked to the curb again? To sit back while you played house with Lucy? To wait until you decided you needed a little on the side once more?" Tears drifted down Damien's cheeks. They matched Vic's. "I couldn't even find you, Vic. I looked. I waited. You were nowhere. I had no one to ask without them wondering why. I was a wreck. I was so ... ashamed. And heartbroken on top of that. I felt less than..." He dropped his head. "I couldn't finish college. I couldn't afford to. I had to support Lucy and the baby," Vic softly replied. "They needed medical care. I needed something fast. I picked the Marine Corps because it was the first recruiter's office I came to that was open. When I got out of boot camp..." Damien pulled his head up, blue eyes swam with tears, but were locked on Vic's face. "You walked out, Vic. With no word. 35

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No letter. No note. No contact. No explanation. You'd married Lucy and that was that. I thought I was a freak. I thought I was nothing more than a temporary diversion while you went on to other things. What else was I supposed to think, Vic?" His lips trembled. "You didn't even kiss me goodbye, or hug me, or tell me ... anything." Vic stared, mute. He'd done this to them. This was all his fault. Why had it taken him so long to realize it? He'd been so wrapped up with protecting his brother's child, so determined to do right by his little brother, that he'd lost track of the other man he loved. He'd blamed Damien when this was all his fault. And look what it had cost them. He sank to the nearest chair and buried his head in his hands. Damien stood over him, his scent bathing Vic, reminding him of so many things that once were. "I spent years trying to overcome what I thought was a perversion, Vic. I found the first woman I could, to try to prove I was 'normal.' One right after the other, each relationship leaving me nothing more than a shell inside. I thought I needed to be more committed. I met Gail, and we got married. It didn't help. I thought I needed more structure. I joined the Marine Corps, hoping I'd be able to find a different kind of discipline to shape me." He gave a light laugh that reeked of sarcasm. "The kids came one after the other, and they were the only things we stayed married for. God knows we tried for their sake. It was wrong from the start. I thought if I could just hang on, pretend she was ... you ... then I could make the lie last. 36

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What little sex we were able to have was ... bad. It just didn't work. Then she made the mistake of thinking if we could just share our fantasies, it would make the marriage work." He shook his head. "It didn't. She looked at me like I was sick, reinforcing all those fears I'd fought for years. I didn't bother to tell her I was gay on top of that. That everything was a lie. That I was living a lie." Vic was lucky in that regard. Lucy had known from the start Vic was gay because his brother had known. He'd always had his family's support and their discretion. Damien never did and probably never would. "I left you, Vic, but you left me first. You can't begin to imagine how badly that hurt, how badly I've felt all these years. It wasn't until I saw Tim's picture on your desk today that I finally understood the sacrifice you'd made. I know neither of us regret that fate allowed us to have these marvelous boys in our lives. But to say the last ten years have been easy would be a lie. I loved you then. I've missed you since, despite the crushing hurt. I came over here tonight to let you know that." Vic lifted his head when he heard Damien turn to leave. He couldn't let him walk out that door, couldn't have him leave. "I have steak for dinner if you'd like to stay a while." Damien skirted the puddle of beer and glass and curled his long fingers around the door knob. "It's going to take more than steak and beer to fix us, Vic." He winced against the pain of those words. "Those things we did ... If it matters, they only felt right doing them with you." 37

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"It matters." He opened the door. Oh, God ... he's leaving. The ache in Vic's chest exploded with pain. [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 6 "Damien, please don't go." The request came out a strangled whisper. Damien pressed his forehead against the door. He couldn't force himself to walk out the door. He tried to tell himself it was because he couldn't risk having anyone see him crying. That was a lie. Vic's words held him in place. He couldn't go forward; he couldn't go back. His soul needed something more than words from Vic. His heart was ready to have him crawl to the man through the broken glass and beer puddled at his feet and rest his head on Vic's shoulder. Neither compelled him to open the door and leave. He heard movement behind him and realized Vic had stood. The thick carpet padded his footsteps. Damien counted each one until he felt Vic's heat radiate toward him. "You're going to cut your feet," he said, remembering Vic was barefoot. "I'd deserve the pain for all the hurt I've caused you." He brushed his hand over Damien's shoulders and left it there. Damien closed his eyes as warmth pooled in his belly. This was wrong on so many levels of their present lives, but it felt so damn right. "I'm so sorry, Damien. All this time I blamed you, when I was the one who was at fault. I was so wrapped up in my grief, my family's devastation, Lucy's pregnancy ... I was focused on protecting her and Tim's baby. I presumed things I shouldn't have, never once thinking of how my frantic 39

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efforts hurt you." He gave a half-hearted laugh. "You always did tell me I suffered from tunnel vision." True, he did. But if truth be told, Damien had to shoulder his own responsibility. "And you always told me I needed to work on my self-confidence and insecurities." "How do you suppose we're doing?" Vic's hand brushed down Damien's arm to his elbow. Goose bumps followed in the wake of the caress. Damien lifted his head from the door, his body hitting Vic's as he righted himself. Neither man moved. "Considering the level of success we've managed to achieve in the Marine Corps, I'd say we've succeeded." Damien turned his head Vic's way, inhaling his scent. The hard-on pressed against his ass matched the one straining against his fly. "I think I'm having a relapse, though. All I can see is you. It's impossible to be so close to you and not touch you, not want you." Before Damien could tell Vic he felt that way, too, Vic's hand slipped around his waist. Damien laced his fingers over those splayed against his stomach. They held on like their very lives depended on it. Vic's breath tickled Damien's neck. Damien sighed and nuzzled Vic's face, seeking his lips. Noses brushed, testing the way. Lips ... touched. A gentle nip. Another. The barest glide of tongue. Each whimpered. The grip they had on each other's hand tightened. Then their mouths welded together. Damien wanted to sob with relief. This was what had been missing from his life all these years. How could he have 40

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thought he could run from it, deny himself? He should have stayed and fought, demanded an explanation instead of assuming. He turned into the kiss, grabbing Vic's face and kissing him harder. Vic groaned and cupped Damien's ass as he pushed him against the door. He anchored Damien's pelvis to his and ground into him. Damien fisted Vic's T-shirt and yanked it up his torso. Fingers feathered to Vic's hard nipples, flicking them in time with Vic's gyrations over his cock. Then he pinched. Vic broke their kiss on a soul-searing groan. Damien raked his mouth down Vic's whisker-rough throat. They were both going to have whisker burn by the end of the night, because Damien wasn't leaving here until they'd come a least a dozen times. He twirled his tongue in the well of Vic's throat, then nipped his way back up over his Adam's apple until he could spear Vic's mouth once more. A growl rumbled from Vic to Damien. Damien felt it all the way to his balls. He clutched Vic to him, cursing the clothing that kept their skin from touching, yet unwilling to let go long enough to strip. Hell, a few more strokes and he'd be coming in his jeans. Glass grinding beneath his shoes cut through the fog of lust. They pulled apart far enough to look in each other's eyes. For Damien it was like finding the lost half of himself. He gave Vic a nudge, urging him back and away from the broken bottle. Vic stumbled, looking confused, hurt. Damien licked his lips, a signal Vic should have no trouble understanding. A shudder rattled down Vic's body. Pride 41

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swelled Damien's heart and cock. He was the one to do this to Vic. They walked until Vic's legs hit the chair. Damien grabbed for Vic's jeans. Vic wrapped his hands around Damien's wrists before he could undo the button. Confusion wrinkled Damien's forehead. Surely he hadn't misunderstood. Then Vic ran his hand down Damien's crotch until he could cup his balls. Damien's knees trembled from the effort to stay upright. "Together," Vic whispered as he nuzzled a path to Damien's ear. "Let's do this together." He bit his earlobe, and Damien thrust into Vic's hand with a hard groan. Vic pulled in a breath and guided Damien's fingers to his zipper. Damien pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. His breath came out in hard pants that matched Vic's. Fingers shook as he grabbed the tab on the zipper. A flick of his thumb released the metal button at the top. Heat rushed out to greet him. "I want you in my mouth." A half-groan, half-whimper fell from Vic's throat. "God, you're determined to make me come, aren't you?" Damien grinned. "All. Over. Me." He punctuated each word with kisses along Vic's jaw. "Down. My. Throat." More kisses. "Up. My—" "Oh, God! Stop!" Vic clenched his thighs and shoved Damien's hand down hard on his cock. It throbbed for him, begging it seemed. Still, he gave Vic the time he needed to recover. Damien needed it, too. 42

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Tension finally seeped from Vic's muscles. Shaking fingers were at Damien's zipper again. There was no hesitation this time. Tooth by tooth they eased each other's zippers down. More heat poured Damien's way. He forced himself to take his time, savoring the moment he'd been craving for ten years. Hooking his fingers into the waistband of Vic's jeans and shorts, he tugged them down. Vic's breath sizzled through his clenched teeth when his cock burst free and the slick head kissed Damien's abs. He recovered quickly and shoved Damien's clothing down. The second his dick was free, Damien grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He heard buttons pop and really didn't give a damn. Eyes wide, mouth agape, Vic stared at his chest. "God, you're more beautiful than I remember. So perfect. So..." He swallowed hard, and Damien saw tears flood his eyes. "Mine," he whispered. Damien wrapped his arms around Vic. Erections lay side by side, hard and hot, pre-cum trying to glue them together. He clamped his hands on Vic's ass, kneading his fingers into the well-muscled flesh. Then Vic's hands covered his ass. Damien groaned and thrust into him. Vic rubbed his butt cheeks, kneading the flesh harder and harder, promising there would be more ... soon. A need, a want, a craving only Vic could fulfill. He traced his finger down the crack of Vic's ass. Vic's nails dug into Damien's ass with his groan. Damien seized his mouth and kissed him hard, looping his tongue around and around as far as he could go. 43

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Hips rocked with each other. Cocks dueled, grew hotter, harder. It felt like his balls were on fire. He knew he couldn't last much longer, and didn't want to. Stabbing a finger toward Vic's ass, Damien tore away from his lips, thrust his hips forward and came so hard he knew he was going to black out. Harsh groans echoed in his head, then he realized Vic had come, too. Semen poured onto their torsos. They rolled together, smearing it around until the last spurt released them. They stood there draped over each other. Damien didn't know who was holding whom up. He expected awkwardness to filter in. One of them to pull away. But it sure as hell wasn't going to be him. Eyes closed in bliss, he hugged his body to Vic's and never wanted to let go. Vic scuffed his cheek against Damien's, and Damien realized Vic wasn't the only one with five o'clock shadow. The sandpaper rasp gave him goose bumps. He felt Vic's smile against his cheek. Vic inhaled on a sexy groan, then dotted kisses down Damien's neck and rubbed slow circles over his back. Vic pulled away, and Damien nearly wept at the loss of his touch. But then Vic caught his hand and tugged. "Let's get comfortable." He swiped his finger over the cum on Damien's torso and brought it to his mouth. Damien's body clenched when Vic sucked the digit between his lips. "I want to lick you clean," he added. Damien grinned. "My thoughts exactly." The only question that remained was ... walk or run? 44

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Vic cupped the back of Damien's neck and kissed him hard. Damien groaned into his mouth, wiping his hand over the semen on Vic's stomach. He was barely aware of them walking down the hallway. Everything Vic swam into his senses. What was the promise of an erection seconds before, now blossomed into a full-fledged hard-on. His cock and balls felt like he hadn't come in years. In some respects, Damien would say he really hadn't. The best orgasms always happened with Vic. He felt Vic's bed against his leg right before they tumbled to the mattress together. Damien wasted no time capturing Vic's nipple between his teeth. Vic groaned and arched into him. Damien pressed the flat of his hand against Vic's cumsoaked stomach, then raked down to the cock thrusting up from coarse dark curls. Vic groaned again and pushed into Damien's loose grip. Damien lapped up the remnants of their orgasms and twisted around. Vic's hot tongue over his abs sent shock waves of pleasure straight to Damien's balls. He tightened his fist around the base of Vic's cock, inhaled his musky scent, and buried his face in Vic's crotch. "Oh, God, yes," Vic gasped out. He splayed his thighs wide, opening himself fully to Damien. Damien licked a path around his sac, thumbing the underside of his cock in time with Vic's lips kneading his own. Vic traced the tag of flesh beneath Damien's crown. Damien held his breath, knowing what he'd do next. It still didn't prepare him for the sheer pleasure of feeling Vic's lips close 45

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over the crown. He smothered his groan against Vic's balls and pressed his finger to the opening of his ass. Vic released Damien's erection with a loud pop. "I want your dick in me, Damien. Please ... fuck me. It's been too long. I need—" "Shh..." He feathered his tongue over Vic's sac. The man quivered under the touch. "We've got all the time in the world now. We're together and nothing's going to pull us apart again." Half-sobbing, half-groaning, Vic sucked Damien's erection into his mouth and down his throat. One thrust seated his finger in Damien's ass, right to his hot spot. Damien rolled to his back, taking Vic with him. Damien licked his cock, sucked one testicle into his mouth, and speared two fingers deep into Vic's anus. Vic spread Damien's butt cheeks wider and added another finger, pumping in time with the finger-fucking Damien was giving him. Damien loved the tension that built. Loved the flex of nerves in Vic's cock as Damien sucked his cum to the threshold. Loved the feel of something real fucking his ass, something his hand didn't control ... and he couldn't wait to feel Vic's cock inside him. He nipped his way to the tip of Vic's cock and sucked it down. Vic's groan vibrated through Damien's erection and straight to his balls. His ass tightened around Vic's fingers. He pumped harder into Vic's anus, kneading his fingers right where he knew Vic would love it. Vic wiggled his thumb between Damien's testicles, pushing his fingers deeper, sucking Damien's dick farther. 46

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Damien felt the rush of heat in Vic's cock. His own felt like liquid fire. They froze, thrust, and came on a cell-rattling growl. He gulped down Vic's salty semen, while his cock spewed jets of cum down Vic's throat. They milked each other until their penises became flaccid, then slowly released them with soft kisses over each other's groins. Vic turned around and crawled into Damien's open arms. Damien captured his lips, kissing softly, bonding them further as the cum in their mouths mingled. Vic caressed Damien's cheek and pulled back to stare into his eyes. Damien brushed his hand down Vic's neck, over his shoulder, his chest, marveling at the carved muscles beneath his touch. Vic curled his fingers over Damien's. "I love you, Damien. Mad as I was, I never stopped loving you." The admission choked him. Words weren't possible. He rested his head on Vic's shoulder. "I tracked you." Vic danced his thumb over Damien's knuckles. "Watched your every move over the years." That hurt, knowing Vic could have come to him at any time and didn't. What did that mean for them now? Was this just sex? The heat of the moment? Two horny guys? Damien closed his eyes. Analyzing things in a dark light was what helped pull them apart in the first place. He wouldn't do that to them again. "Why didn't you contact me?" he asked. Vic shrugged. "I was so hurt, then mad, then swept up in all the personal stuff." He laughed, but there was no humor in it. "When I resurfaced, I got hurt and mad all over again. Then you married Gail..." Another shrug. "That hurt, too." 47

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Damien sighed and toyed with Vic's nipple, combed his fingers through the sparse chest hair. "I spent a lot of years trying to be someone I wasn't. I suppose I did find a part of myself during that time. I liked Gail ... at first. But the more time we spent together, the more we fought, then she got pregnant. I love my boys and, honestly, if these last ten years got me my sons, then I guess I can't say they were awful years." "I know exactly what you mean. I see Tim and ... how could I regret what brought us that beautiful child?" Damien knew he shouldn't ask this next question, but he had to. "Did you ever have sex with her, with Lucy?" Vic shook his head. "Never. Never wanted to sleep with her. She's known from the start I was gay. And ... before you ask ... yes, I have had sex with other men." "I haven't. You were the only one." He rolled back and tucked the pillow under his head. Vic rolled with him and copied Damien's former position—hand on his chest and playing with Damien's nipple. Damien cupped his head. Short though it was, his hair was still silky to the touch. "I thought about you, though. It was the only way I could do it with Gail. I'd think about you, get hard, close my eyes." It wasn't that Damien didn't know what to do with a woman. He'd been down that path before he and Vic got together. But the satisfaction wasn't there. He did what he'd had to do, what he thought he was supposed to do. "I hope our boys get along," Vic said. 48

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Damien smiled. "I hope so, too." He pulled back a little to look at Vic. "That offer of steak, baked potato, and beer still on the table?" Vic flashed him a grin. "Sure is." He rolled from the bed, then grabbed Damien's hand, and tugged him to his feet. [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 7 Nothing felt more right than having Damien sitting with him at the kitchen table. His laughter, the glint of mischief in his blue eyes, the way his long fingers moved with such ... God, what was the word he wanted to use? Strength? Grace? Vic smiled. Self-confidence. The boy in them both was history. They were men now. Strong, confident leaders. Love squeezed its fist around Vic's heart, deciding when, where, and how hard and fast it would beat. And it beat pretty hard and fast each time he looked at Damien. They'd cleaned up a little before dinner and both wore jeans and Vic's T-shirts. The thought of Damien's scent being on his clothes and bed wove more threads around Vic's heart. They'd fixed dinner together, moving around the kitchen in the same rhythm they'd always had, like it'd only been hours and not years since they'd been parted. Vic tried not to think about the future. He couldn't help it. While they shared stories about their kids and discussed what they'd each experienced in the last ten years, Vic's mind kept drifting to Damien's words. We've got all the time in the world now. We're together and nothing's going to pull us apart again. Did Damien mean what he said, or had he been caught up in the sex? Vic wanted to believe he meant it. It was how Vic felt, too—that he never wanted to be parted from Damien again. But how could they possibly make this work considering their military roles? Fraternization was a big no50

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no in the Marine Corps. Officer and enlisted weren't supposed to mesh socially. Heaven help them both if word got out they were gay on top of that. He knew there were officer/enlisted friendships in the higher ranks that worked. He being a gunnery sergeant and Damien close to becoming a major would give them some leeway. The fact they'd been friends before the Marine Corps would be enough to cut them some slack. But being gay? Not much leeway there. At least it wasn't the witch hunt it used to be. They could make it work ... couldn't they? But then there was the other layer to their relationship. Stuff they'd once craved ... things Vic still wanted. Did Damien? Vic was afraid to ask for fear of losing Damien all over again. After all, Damien was a Marine Corps captain and used to being in charge. While in military mode, Vic was the one who took orders from Damien, not the other way around. Vic didn't have a problem with that in the least. In fact, the very concept of having Damien in charge during the day was hot as hell. Then they'd come home and... He jumped when Damien's hand covered his. "Where are you right now?" Damien idly traced his finger over the veins. Fire licked up Vic's arm. He gave a small laugh. "Dwelling. Worrying." "We can make this work." Damien laced his fingers over Vic's and squeezed. Vic wanted to hang on for dear life. "I meant what I said earlier, Vic. I don't want to lose you a second time." 51

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"What about the Marine Corps?" Even as he asked it, Vic knew the answer. His laughter this time was more sincere. "Never mind. We've both been hiding the truth this long ... although it might be more of a challenge with us working side by side every day." Damien leaned forward, blue eyes locked onto Vic's mouth. Vic licked his lips, wanting the taste of Damien's tongue around his. "I do love a good challenge." Damien's voice was muffled against Vic's pounding heartbeat. "Imagine it..." He leaned closer still. "So close I can smell you. Glance up and see you. To know I have the upper hand ... but not for long. Knowing that once we're behind closed doors I'll have to account for my superior actions during the day." Vic could hardly breathe. "You want what we had before?" "Every single bit of it." He tilted his head to one side and let his gaze drop. He blushed and tried to move away. Vic held him in place. "Tell me," he ordered. The flush deepened. "It's difficult to discipline one's self. Better than nothing. Would it be too melodramatic to say that I hunger for it?" Vic shook his head. "Never." Damien had said it earlier, but the words hadn't clicked until now. He'd asked Gail to give him this, and she'd turned it against him. God, how Damien must have felt. A repeat of so many betrayals in his life—some real, some imagined. But considering all the real betrayals Damien had experienced, Vic couldn't fault him for the imagined ones. Until this moment, Vic hadn't realized how much he'd missed that complete and 52

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utter trust Damien had given him before. It was Damien's gift to him. The honor humbled him. He wouldn't abuse it. "I hunger for it, too." Eyes closed against a rush of emotion, Vic brought Damien's hand to his lips and kissed his palm, then swirled his tongue into it. Damien hissed in a breath. Vic glanced through his lashes at the man, the half-hooded gaze that screamed, Fuck me. He traced every finger up and down, almost drawing each into his mouth, but then pulling back at the last second. Vic dusted his fingers to Damien's wrist, his thudding pulse. He licked down to the throbbing vein and kissed it before he draped Damien's arm over his shoulder, drew him close and covered his mouth. They sighed together and tried to get closer. The table blocked their efforts. Damien pulled free on a soft chuckle. "Is this where we swipe everything off the table in frenzied passion?" "Don't tempt me." Vic laughed with him. "If we did that, we'd have to wrestle each other to see who gets the privilege of fucking who first. Because I want you inside me so bad I can hardly stand it." "I know exactly how you feel." Damien reached forward and flicked Vic's hard nipple through the T-shirt. Vic felt the touch in his cock. He looped his hand around Damien's wrist, thumbing the pulse. "Stay with me tonight. Sleep with me. I need to know all I have to do is reach out and wrap my arms around you, feel you beside me." Damien gave a single nod, then smiled. "You're going to make me wait for it, aren't you?" 53

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Vic grinned. "We always enjoy it more when we can anticipate the moment. Imagine us tomorrow ... at work ... both focused on the job—more or less. But underneath it all is the evening to come. The leather in my hand. The heat rising in your ass with every steady stroke." A small quiver shook Damien. "Please ... don't make me wait. I need it. I need you. I need what we once had. How can I possibly function tomorrow knowing what the night will bring? Knowing how badly I want you ... need you. Would you really want to be the cause of your captain fumbling around tomorrow like an idiot?" Vic tossed back a laugh. "I can't believe you're actually trying to control the situation. You do need discipline." Damien smirked. "I told you." Oh, and it was tempting, too. But if he let Damien get away with it this time ... They both needed to re-learn their home roles. "Although you present a unique and compelling argument, I think the wait will do you good. Come on"—he pulled Damien to his feet as he stood—"help me with the dishes. Boxers and T-shirts only." "Both of us? Or just me?" It was Damien's tone that alerted Vic someone was pushing it, daring Vic to strap him. No, he wouldn't be able to wait until tomorrow. If Vic didn't take matters in hand tonight, Damien's cocky attitude could carry over to work. "I can't believe you asked me that. Have you forgotten everything? Maybe sitting on a sore ass for a while will make you think twice." "I was thinking the same thing." Damien's smirk doubled. 54

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Vic shook his head. It was too much. "All right. Be careful what you wish for. Jeans off and bend over the back of the couch." Damien didn't waste any time. In seconds he'd assumed the ordered position. Vic walked to his bedroom closet and retrieved the widest belt he could find. It was newer, stiffer, and Damien would sure as hell feel the bite when it hit his ass. He snagged condoms and lube as well and walked back to the living room. The buckle tinkled all the way. He knew the sound would have Damien leaking pre-cum ... if he already wasn't. "Pull them down." He stood to one side and watched Damien strip the white boxers down to his feet, kick them off, and return to his stance. Goose bumps pebbled his ass. Vic rubbed his buttocks, then ran his finger down the crack of Damien's ass until he could cup Damien's tight sac. Damien's muffled groan speared through Vic. Looked like he needed a little discipline as well. He stepped away, doubled the belt, and danced it over his target until Damien started to squirm. He reared his arm ... and struck. A low groan filled the room, but he honestly couldn't say whose it was—his or Damien's. A red stripe covered Damien's ass. He landed another stroke just below it. Another groan, clearly Damien's this time. Vic wanted to spread his cheeks and fuck him hard. He palmed his crotch and added two more strokes in quick succession. Jaw clenched, eyes closed, Damien lifted his head on a hard groan that earned him three more fast ones. He curled 55

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his fingers into the cushion and arched his back, lifting his ass a little higher. "No." Vic draped the belt over the sofa. "That's all you get for now." He peeled off his clothes slowly. "Spread your legs. I'm going to fuck you." Damien widened his stance and folded his upper body over the sofa. Vic's cock was close to bursting. It threatened to come the instant he rolled the condom in place. The spurt of lube onto his fingers didn't help matters. The sound was too reminiscent of how it felt when cum gushed out of him. With one hand he parted Damien's cheeks—he loved the warmth that greeted him. "Nice." He squeezed and then slapped each cheek. "But not hot enough. I want you fighting off groans every time you sit." Then he plunged his lubed fingers into Damien's anus. Damien's whimpered groan threatened Vic's stamina once more. That and the muscle sucking his fingers hard and deep were killers. He knew he couldn't wait a second longer. Standing behind his lover, Vic guided his cock forward. One hand clenched his dick, the other nailed Damien's hip in place. His knees buckled with each agonizingly slow inch he pushed forward. Damien's greedy anus crawled over Vic's erection, pulling him deeper and deeper, until the fire in Damien's ass kissed Vic's groin and their balls cushioned each other's. "Now how..." He gulped in air and tried to speak again. "How can I give you a proper fucking if your ass is milking me for all I'm worth?" "I guess I'm just—God, Vic ... please!" 56

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How could he resist? He was addicted to this man! Griping Damien's hips in a hold sure to leave marks, Vic pivoted into him. Bliss rolled over him from head to toe, taking control. He draped his body over Damien, wrapping his fingers over the man's shoulders. It plunged him deeper and took away his thrust, so he gyrated instead, short, frantic stabs around and around. Damien groaned with him, begging for Vic's hand on his cock with every other word until Vic had no choice but to lift the belt and strike the sides of his buttocks over and over. Damien thrashed beneath the strapping, yanking Vic's orgasm front and center. He quaked with the effort to hold back, then his body locked and Vic knew he'd lost the battle. Blood roared in his ears. Hips snapped forward with the force of his ejaculation. Damien rocked beneath him, pulling Vic's attention away from his climax and back to his obligation to his lover. "Did I tell you to come?" He slapped Damien's thigh. "No ... s-sir." Vic pulled from Damien's hole and grabbed another condom. Still behind Damien, he opened it and rolled it onto Damien's cock. Then he kneaded his sac. Damien thrust into air and earned himself a hand spanking. Vic leaned close to his ear. "You'll wait there in position while I wash the dishes. You are not to budge. You are not to stroke your dick or fuck the sofa. Understood?" "Yes, sir." "Good." 57

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Vic forced himself to walk away. All he wanted to do was drag Damien into his bedroom and feel Damien's dick inside his ass. [Back to Table of Contents]

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CHAPTER 8 For the first time in ten years Damien felt alive. His cock throbbed, his butt burned, and his ass had that nicely stretched and well-fucked feeling only Vic could provide. Damien knew he'd pushed Vic hard when he shouldn't have, but Damien had been starving to reconnect, re-bond with Vic. He knew there was going to be more strapping to come and relished it. He stood in position, draped over the sofa like a good sub. No sense tempting fate. The leather within sniffing distance beside him made it difficult to stay in place. But he did so for fear that if he pushed his luck too far Vic could very well deny him an orgasm. Damien didn't know if he could stand that. But he did want more of that belt—again and again. He wanted the maximum. He wanted his ass so hot, so sore, that he felt it for a week. He listened to the sound of water running, dishes clinking. It seemed an eternity before Vic walked back to him. "You look delicious there with your ass nice and rosy," he said. "And you didn't budge once. I watched you. I know how difficult that was. It was hard for me, too, when all I wanted was to have you fucking me. To feel you come. I think that deserves a reward." Vic picked up the belt and draped it across Damien's waist. Damien heard the squirt of lube and held his breath, waiting for the penetration to come. He moaned when he felt it touch his anus—not Vic's fingers or his cock ... a thick candlestick. 59

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Vic worked it in and out with slow precision, never too fast or too slow. Damien sighed, groaned, and rocked into it. Then Vic cupped his testicles, kneading them in time to the fucking he was giving Damien. He'd separate his balls, squeeze gently, loop his fingers around the top and tug them away from Damien's body. Over and over until coherent thought disappeared. All he could think was Fuck me, whip me, make me come. Vic shoved his hand forward until his arm brushed Damien's erection and he could grip the candlestick from the front. The leather slithered away from Damien's waist. He heard the buckle tinkle as Vic wrapped it around his hand. A hard stroke lashed his upper thighs. Damien jerked his cock against Vic's arm, desperate for orgasm. Vic rubbed back and smacked each buttock. Again. Again. Then he fisted Damien's cock. "You understand you won't try to top me again?" Damien nodded. "Yes, sir. Sorry, sir." "You understand what's going to happen in just a few minutes?" He raked his hand over Damien's erection, nearly bringing him to his knees. God! Yes! He understood! "Yes, sir." "Good." He pumped Damien's cock. "Then you may come." Damien thrust into Vic's fist and let himself go. Jism blasted from him. His body felt like one giant cock, coming and coming until it tossed him down weak and panting with little strength to keep himself upright. Vic dotted kisses down his spine and over his ass. He slipped the candlestick free, stripped Damien of the condom, 60

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and took both away. Damien managed to shove his hands under him in Vic's absence, but his legs still refused to budge until Vic returned and wrapped his arm around Damien's shoulders. "Let's go to bed." He grabbed the belt and walked Damien to the bedroom. Damien didn't hesitate. He knew what he had to do, what he needed to do. This was as vital to him as any of the basic needs of life. When Vic yanked the bedspread down, Damien crawled facedown on the bed, legs spread, arms reaching toward the top of the mattress where he curled his fingers over the edge. Eyes closed, he tracked Vic's slow movements throughout the house—turning off lights, locking doors, making Damien wait. Vic never rushed these things. They were moments to savor. By the time Vic walked back into the room, Damien's cock was hard once more. The sound of the belt being picked up alerted him they were about to begin. Excitement pumped his heart. He prayed he had the fortitude to keep from coming into the mattress. Then the first stroke lit fire over his already hot ass. He tried to count the number of times the leather fell on his flesh—impossible. Some came with breathtaking quickness; others were drawn out until Damien fought screaming to feel it again. He tried not to move—again ... impossible. He writhed, he moaned ... he lifted his ass for more ... more. It was Vic who gave in first. "Roll over," he ground out. "I can't bear another second." 61

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Damien did as ordered, breath heaving, cock thrust proudly in the air. Vic rolled condoms over them both, then straddled Damien's hips and seated himself on one thrust. Damien shouted with pleasure at the feel of Vic's ass engulfing him. He dug his short nails into Vic's chest, plucking his nipples, pulling the sparse chest hair as they fucked each other. Vic fumbled for his own cock. Damien shoved his hand away and took it. The momentum of their bodies did the stroking. God, what he wouldn't give to be able to fuck each other at the same time! He pushed his thumb against the underside of Vic's cock, rubbing the ridge at the base. Vic's fingers flexed over his stomach. His jaw worked, but only garbled sounds came out. Words like sweet, love you, so perfect. Words that settled in Damien's heart and yanked his emotions to the edge. Words he prayed Vic could see reflected in his eyes, because Damien was incapable of any speech. He grappled for Vic's shoulder. Vic caught his hand, laced their fingers together, and leaned down. Damien's lips met him halfway. Their tongues touched, glided together, and froze. Vic's anus telegraphed his impending orgasm. Damien shoved his cock deeper and rolled into it. A nerve twitched in Vic's dick and balls. Damien thrust again, harder. Vic's lips trembled. He yanked his head up, gasped. Damien squeezed a stroke down Vic's erection ... and they both slammed together a final time as they came. As the tremors subsided, they eased into another kiss and allowed their bodies to separate naturally. Damien traced 62

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Vic's face and shoulders, marveling over the fact they were finally with each other again. "I don't know how I managed to survive without you," he told him. Vic brushed his thumb over Damien's mouth. "It was surviving only, not really existing." "Living in limbo," they said in unison, then chuckled. "Can we do this, Damien?" "Yeah, we can do this," he said without hesitation. "It won't be easy," Vic said. "Life isn't easy, but it's much better to deal with when you're with the one you love." Vic smiled. "Yeah, I can handle anything as long as I have you." Another kiss settled them side by side. "I was thinking..." Vic traced his finger over Damien's collarbone. "Care for a Vegas getaway this weekend?" Damien grinned. "I'd like that a lot." [Back to Table of Contents]

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Epilogue Damien mulled over his first cup of coffee as he reviewed the morning reports. Finding a comfortable position in his chair—no matter how cushy—was tricky. His ass hurt. It felt great! He'd gotten another warm-up earlier that morning before he left Vic's house. He stole a glance Vic's way. He sat at his desk, frown drawing his eyebrows together as he read through email. Damien wanted to lick the furrows away. Later. Business as usual for both of them now and they were both locked and loaded into that mode. More proof they'd be able to make this work. They'd have to be careful, but it wasn't like they weren't used to that. Damien shuffled the reports into a folder, grabbed his notepad and coffee, and started for the CO's office for the morning brief. Vic looked up at he walked from the office, then stood. "Captain, I've got things arranged for that section head meeting you wanted. I think pizza at lunch would be the best way to go. Everyone can do their PT, then you can have the meet-and-greet. They'd appreciate the lunch, too." "Sounds great, Gunny. Thanks." He gave a nod and handed him the reports folder. "I heard on the local news there was a vehicle collision involving a DUI Marine late last night. I don't see anything on the blotter about it. Check out it and see what you can find." 64

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"Will do, sir." He turned back to his desk, and Damien walked on to his meeting. Yeah ... they could do this. They could do anything. They were together. [Back to Table of Contents]

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Cassie Stevens Cassie Stevens gets to the heart of the matter in her gay erotic romances. Readers will find deep emotions and sizzling sensuality seamlessly woven into stories that always promise a happy-ever-after. You can visit Cassie's website at: cassiestevens.com **** Don't miss Dirty Love, by Lacey Savage, available at AmberHeat.com! Isabel Warren wouldn't dream of defying the morality statutes that forbid women over forty from ever making love again. As a medical practitioner, she understands the need for laws preventing "dirty love." The S.O.S. virus of 2030 left most of the male population infertile and turned human DNA into something resembling a microscopic jigsaw puzzle. The virus itself is undoubtedly dangerous, but older women are perhaps the most significant threat humanity has ever faced. Yet knowing what's forbidden and keeping her feminine urges under lock and key are two different things. Especially when Isy's most recent assignment requires her to run intimate tests on Connor Flynn, a man sixteen years her junior, who seems determined to prove she's not the monster everyone else thinks she is. And if such delicious temptation wasn't bad enough, she's also got Trevor Jones to worry 66

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about. It seems he, too, is willing to risk everything to be with her. Two sexy men, and one woman who could destroy them both ... if they don't destroy her first... **** Don't miss Orientation, by Rick R. Reid, available at AmberAllure.com! Robert and Jess may just be the world's most unlikely couple—a gay man and a lesbian. But there is something more complex going on here: Jess may be the reincarnation of the lover Robert lost to AIDS more than two decades ago. Can they transcend sexual orientation and find true love ... again? But before this question can be answered, both must confront a deadly peril just waiting to pounce... **** Don't miss Dressed For Dying by Janet Quinn, available at AmberQuill.com! In 1892, reporter Sean Madigan is pitted against the New York police when he's assigned his first high-profile murder story, the slaying of the wealthy Marshal Haversham, clothing industry mogel and sweatshop owner. While Sean hunts for the killer in order to prove his worth to his newspaper editor, 67

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the madman goes on a violent spree, burning down Haversham's warehouses and sweatshops and killing young women who work within them. Each victim is found dressed in a fancy ball gown that was secretly made within the sweatshops themselves. When Madigan's sweetheart, Bridget, becomes the killer's next target, Sean determines he will find the man and his connection to the ball gowns. But the murderer has other designs, and it soon becomes a race against time and the police to discover the fiend's identity before he silences Sean or Bridget ... permanently... [Back to Table of Contents]

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AMBER QUILL PRESS, LLC Quality Books, Print And Electronic Genre fiction at its best! www.AmberQuill.com

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