ANGER MANAGEMENT COURSE
AND
TRAINING
Complete Handbook for Running your Own Anger Management Workshops with Proven Techniques and Exercises
Jessalyn Woodruff Notice of Rights: Copyright © The Art of Service. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Notice of Liability: The information in this book is distributed on an “As Is” basis without warranty. While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of the book, neither the author nor the publisher shall have any liability to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the instructions contained in this book or by the products described in it. Trademarks: Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book, and the publisher was aware of a trademark claim, the designations appear as requested by the owner of the trademark. All other product names and services identified throughout this book are used in editorial fashion only and for the benefit of such companies with no intention of infringement of the trademark. No such use, or the use of any trade name, is intended to convey endorsement or other affiliation with this book.
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Conducting An Anger Management Workshop
TABLE OF CONTENTS EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES FOR CONDUCTING AN ANGER MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP..... 5 WHAT IS ANGER, HOW TO DEFINE ANGER AND THE CAUSE OF ANGER ........................ 39 HOW TO RECOGNISE, SEE AND UNDERSTAND ANGER..................................................... 51 HOW TO HANDLE ANGER..................................................................................................... 65 SKILLS NEEDED IN DEALING WITH ANGER ........................................................................... 73 TIPS ON HOW TO MANAGE, TAME AND DROP ANGER .................................................... 79 CONCLUSION OF WORKSHOP........................................................................................... 113 SUPPORTING DOCUMENTS................................................................................................. 117 ANGER MANAGEMENT OVERVIEW ............................................................................... 119 ANGER MANAGEMENT FOR THE YOUNG ..................................................................... 123 CASE STUDIES.................................................................................................................... 143 REFERENCES ......................................................................................................................... 145 FURTHER INFORMATION ...................................................................................................... 149
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EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES FOR CONDUCTING AN ANGER MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP
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When creating a presentation or workshop work out what the presentation is going to be based on. So for instance “teaching and working with people who have emotional and behavioral challenges” or “helping people to understand and manage anger” etc…
Once you have this in mind it will help you structure the workshop accordingly.
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So once you have come up with what your workshop is going to be based on “helping people to understand and manage anger” write a program outline.
It is best to share the outline of the program at the start of the workshop. This is letting the class know what to expect.
Please refer to Anger Management Overview on page 119 within this guide.
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Every workshop, class or program needs objectives theses objectives will create expectations, its then all up to how you deliver the program and to whether is meets the expectations.
Have participants write what their objectives and expectations are.
So when outlining the program overview, ask each participant to say what they are wanting to get out of the program. Some participants will be shyer then others and it is not recommended to make them come out of their comfort zones – this will only create a nervous and tight atmosphere. So if some students don’t want to share have some alternatives to sharing out loud e.g. you could have them write down there answers etc…
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To foster positive learning and developing opportunities it would be best to have only a small group at a time when running your work shop on Anger Management. This will aid in creating a supportive environment.
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You will always have all sorts of people in your classroom, old, young, short, tall, skinny, fat etc…
Please refer to Anger Management for the Young on page 123 within this guide.
Try and find something that all participants have in common – this will assist with you delivery or the workshop– by spicing it up a little.
For instance if everyone enjoys listening to music you can organize to have music playing in the back ground softly.
Everyone is bound to like a joke or two and a bit or humor – try to include as much humor as possible.
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By letting the students know how they are doing this will give them more confidence. Therefore students may become more open and start contributing.
Get your class involved by opening up discussion on different topics – allow the students to illustrate their opinions.
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Always make sure that participants have ample to time think about what is being said.
If you find your class is become disinterested you can get them to do a role play, do an activity or give them a quick break.
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Make sure to use a variety of instructional techniques and activities – but make sure that these are enjoyable and challenging. Students will soon realize that they are learning and making progress.
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Remember to keep focus it may be a good idea to have a couple breaks during the day. Maybe have sweets, water and other nibbles on the table.
Come armed to the workshop with a number of activities up your sleeve.
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Make sure everyone one has all materials & understand all instructions before beginning any assignment, activities etc…
Break up long assignments, give students tasks to do.
Give students extra time to complete work – don’t rush them.
Turn mistakes into learning opportunities
Relate yourself to situations that may be talked about, use yourself as reference, tell a story where you’ve been angry etc…
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Recognize and encourage students.
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When running an Anger Management workshop, you want to possess a relaxed atmosphere.
So maybe you could already come armed with some music. Instead of having a classroom set up maybe have bean bag or floor cushions; this will make the environment more relaxed straight away.
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Ask how your students feel make sure the temperature is comfortable, the sun isn’t in their eye and it’s not to glary etc…
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Is there room for students to move through the classroom without interfering/bothering others? Is there sufficient room for student’s personal belongings? Make sure that is no clutter, and the room is fresh.
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When setting rules and expectations list positives only. Have the rules posted somewhere, where everyone can see them clearly. Make sure the rules are constantly applied. Ask participants if there is any other rule they feel should be added.
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When scheduling the day – you could ask for the class input like would they rather morning tea break at 10.30 or 11 etc… this is giving them a little control. You could then write this on a board for all to see like when breaks will be, and what will be happening in between each break. In your schedule you should allow time for problem solving, sharing and discussion time etc…
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Give student advance notice on what is going to happening next e.g. as soon as you have finished ______ we will start looking at _________. After a couple of subjects have been covered stop and allow reflection time for students to give their thoughts and understanding, they might have question too.
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By doing all of the above is showing respect, once respect is given you will receive respect back. When dealing with Anger Management, the last thing that the participants will want is someone preaching down their neck. Remember- They have come to the workshop to get help not a lecture!
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Focus on positives not negatives. No one wants to hear when they have done wrong.
When a student has done a positive thing, encourage them, reward them.
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Depending on the age group of the workshop different reinforcements can and cannot be used.
Example if you are playing music during the workshop and a student is doing particularly well let them bring in a CD they like or have them chose the music or radio station.
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Social skills are arguably the most important set of abilities a person can have. Human beings are social animals and a lack of good social skills can lead to a lonely life, contributing to anxiety and depression. Great social skills help you meet interesting people, get that job you want, progress further in your career and relationships.
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Use small group so that the students work together to maximize their own and each other’s learning experience.
When teach different group keep in mind sexuality, ethnicity backgrounds, gender etc…
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A good idea for practicing social skill would be to have the class make a role play and how they would deal with certain situations.
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When teaching, you need to hold a certain level of authority but at the same time relate to the students.
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WHAT IS ANGER, HOW TO DEFINE ANGER AND THE CAUSE OF ANGER
So let start the workshop.
Introduce yourself, the program. Then have the student introduce themselves and what they are looking to get out of the workshop and any expectation that they have.
It is best to have as much input from all participants – by having input from the participants lets you know how they understand the program.
Now would be a good time to work out the schedule for the day – when breaks are going to be etc…
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To start with the class will most probably be little shy and reserved.
You can easily turn the above into an activity by asking the students what they believe anger is.
Find what the dictionary definition of anger is. You could also turn this into an activity e.g. team into pairs and find the definition of anger the fastest. (You will need different resources available for this activity.)
Dictionary Definition of Anger: –noun a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire. Chiefly British Dialect. Pain or smart, as of a sore. Obsolete. Grief; trouble.
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Continued…
–verb (used with object) to arouse anger or wrath in. Chiefly British Dialect. To cause to smart; inflame.
–verb (used without object) to become angry: He angers with little provocation.
By www.dictionary.com
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Anger is defined as “a strong feeling of displeasure or hostility,” by www.dictionary.com. That definition alone does not sound so bad. However, it does not give any information about what happens when those feelings of hostility escalate into stronger emotions.
Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist whose field of study is anger, defines anger as, “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage” (Controlling). Benjamin Franklin, wrote in Poor Richard’s Almanac “Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one” (Williams 60). Anger is usually normal and, in fact, healthy, until it gets out of control.
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Some other facts are that Anger is an emotion that everyone has to deal with from time to time. You are not the only one who feels Anger.
Anger is also normal, but a very powerful feeling that can get out of control, but is also able to be managed with practice.
Anger is not something that you can out grow.
Anger is one of the most common emotions that people have to deal with.
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Elaborate a little more here. Ask stimulating questions like: So can you recognize where your anger steams from? Are you ready to recover from your anger related problems? Does your anger arise when you feel unfairly treated and overlooked? What is the purpose of anger? Give everyone a little thinking time here (about 1 -2 mins per question.)
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It is hard to understand the purpose of Anger. The below illustration may help participants to understand the purpose of Anger a little more.
Have you ever attempted to work on a car engine? If so, you know it can be an overwhelming task if you do not understand the engine’s design and intricacies. Once you learn the function of each component, though, what at first seemed perplexing can be quite possible?
That is the way it is with anger. When we first attempt to grasp its meaning, the task of mastering it can seem impossible. But as we come to know and understand our anger, its management is far less overwhelming.
The purpose of anger is self-preservation. Anger comes when you feel the need to clearly communicate that your personal boundaries have been violated.
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In many cases, anger is ignited when the person perceives rejection or invalidation. Whether or not that is the message intended by the speaker, the angry person feels that his or her dignity has been demeaned.
Tell a story of where you were last angry or read out a case study.
Please refer to Case Studies on page 143 within this guide.
Ask the students to think back to a situation where they were last angry and whether the reason for them being angry was to do with rejection or invalidation.
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Here is some illustration to help the class understand the above notes.
In the animal kingdom, survival is the name of the game. An animal, be it a bird, beast, or fish, is constantly looking for the simplest ingredients to provide life for another day. All other things are of any true importance. Humans also have basic survival needs, but ours are much more complex. The Bible recognizes this fact in its many “one another” passages. For example, we are told to love one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to encourage one another, to confess to one another, and to respect one another. These (and many more) instructions recognize our intricate system of needs that must be satisfactorily addressed if we are to have emotional well-being. When our essential needs are not addressed or when they are invalidated, the result is emotional turmoil. We feel hurt and angry.
List some of your major personal needs? List some of your recent needs that have been unmet or improperly addressed in your life? Page 47
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We can feel irritated about matters that have nothing to do with us. How society as a whole acts. i.e.. Portrayal of sex on TV. Media holds up celebrities like they are gods and goddesses. A fine line between knowing when to stand firmly for your convictions and when to accept the imperfections we see in the world.
There are times when we need to take an unwavering stand for our convictions. But, when anger is so much a part of your personality that you lose your ability to find peace, it is an indication your good beliefs are ironically working against you.
As adults we need to know how to remain calm when others do not share the same beliefs. Firm convictions can be a springboard for anger.
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Giving them a little background on Anger might help participants understand Anger a little better, remember the more students understand anger the easier it will be for them to deal with it!
There isn’t a defined history of Anger Management; however there is some history to it. Society began looking at anger as a problem in 18th century in Western Europe and North America, a set of standards regarding anger was unintentionally created. The basic idea was that families should be filled with love, as opposed to anger.
The main reason society started to look at anger as being a problem and trying to treat it was when there was excessive anger directed towards wives or children. At one point, during medieval times, people were accused of being a witch if they exhibited too much anger.
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There are many different causes for anger, but it all falls into two categories, internal and external events (Controlling).
Internal events are events in which the problem is caused by the individual, like thinking about something in the past that angers them, or some other personal problem. External events are events that are not created by the individual, but caused by the environment or other people like friends, co-workers, or heavy traffic.
It is hard for anyone to control something that makes them angry, however people can control the ways in which they react to the anger.
Have a quick revision or what you have covered so far? Then take a break.
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HOW TO RECOGNISE, SEE AND UNDERSTAND ANGER
Painful circumstances, increased confusion, resistance by other, effort to change environment and angry emotions can trigger the follow; •
Increased frustration and irritability
•
Increased pain
•
Distractibility
•
Depression
•
Lack of work
•
Imbalance of leisure activity
•
Imbalance of sleep
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When the human body is in an angered state, the sympathetic nervous system and the muscle system take certain preparations, to be ready for physical attack (Sympathetic). “Your muscles tense and your blood pressure and heart rate skyrocket” (The Destructive).
These changes may have once been a great advantage for someone in some sort of hunter and gatherer society. However, in this day and age they can be harmful to your health. In addition to an increase in heart rate and blood pressure the levels of hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenalin all increase as well (Controlling).
In addition, serotonin levels of the brain can affect anger in a negative way. Hypothalamic nerve cells send messages deep into the brain causing the kidneys to pump large doses of adrenaline and cortisol into the bloodstream. Cortisol helps the body maintain its blood pressure. Having excess amounts of it pumped into the body causes the fluctuation of blood pressure while someone is angry.
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Continued…
According to Doctor Leo Maddow, chairman of the department of Psychiatry and Neurology at the University of Pennsylvania, one of the causes of brain hemorrhages is hypertension. Through his research, Dr. Maddow concluded that anger can, and often will, cause the hypertension. Hypertension can lead to the exploding of a diseased cerebral artery which will result in a stroke (The Destructive).
Some of the main causes for heart disease are smoking, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure. However, anger ties into heart disease strongly. Dr. Charles Cole of Colorado State University found that, in addition to an increase in heart rate and blood pressure, when someone is angry blood vessels constrict. This combination can eventually lead to a weakening of heart muscle.
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The answer is you.
You are in control of your body, your mind and your soul. No one else can be in control of you.
You are your own person!
This would be a good time to do an activity. A find a word, crossword a light activity not to in depth – this will give them some time to think about the above. You might want to have a discussion about it instead of doing and activity.
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Have a think about the above points. Do you relate to these? Please note the points that you best relate to.
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There are many different symptoms of anger. There are two main types of anger, passive and aggressive. Below are some symptoms of each of the types of anger. It should be stated that anyone displaying any of these behaviors does not always have an anger management problem.
Symptoms of Passive Anger: •
Secretive Behavior
•
Manipulation
•
Self-blame
•
Self-sacrifice
•
Ineffectualness
•
Dispassion
•
Obsessive behavior
•
Evasiveness
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Continued…
Symptoms of Aggressive Anger: •
Threats
•
Hurtfulness
•
Destructiveness
•
Bullying
•
Unjust blaming
•
Manic behavior
•
Grandiosity
•
Selfishness
•
Vengeance
•
Unpredictability
Ask your class to see which group they relate to the most.
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Have you had any “Hot Thoughts” recently, what are the “Hot Thoughts” that you have had?
This is a stimulating question – make sure you give ample time for the class to think and answer these before moving on.
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Hot thoughts also include: •
Making judgments
•
Blaming others
•
Assuming different things
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Vengeance Definition: –noun 1. infliction of injury, harm, humiliation, or the like, on a person by another who has been harmed by that person; violent revenge: But have you the right to vengeance? 2. an act or opportunity of inflicting such trouble: to take one's vengeance. 3. the desire for revenge: a man full of vengeance. 4. Obsolete. hurt; injury. 5. Obsolete. curse; imprecation. —Idiom 6. with a vengeance, a. with force or violence. b. greatly; extremely. c. to an unreasonable, excessive, or surprising degree: He attacked the job with a vengeance.
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REMEMBER! You are in control of you. You control everything you do, your thoughts your actions. Different things can influence you, ultimately the decision is yours.
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So what where the” hot” thought that you have had lately?
Change those “hot” into “cool” thoughts?
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Cool thoughts will bring calmness to a situation.
Catastrophizing •
Not: “its driving me crazy”
•
But: “its inconvenient, but it’s not the end of the world”
Should Statements •
Not:”he shouldn’t act like that”
•
But: “it would be nice if he didn’t act like that”
Vengeance •
Not: “I’d like to wring her neck”
•
But: remember that vengeance usually invites retaliation and invites conflict.
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HOW TO HANDLE ANGER
Improving your anger control skills is a process.
This is not something that you will be good at overnight. There are several things that you must work on in order to be skilled in the control of anger.
1. Learn to identify your feelings and thoughts, including your physiological feelings that indicate anger.
2. Learn to evaluate any negative thought patterns that may be contributing to your negative state. Analyze your feelings and options that have not worked well in the past to determine better ways of handling potentially anger inducing situations.
3. Work on your communication skills, particularly listening and understanding others.
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Continued…
4. Learn to empathize with others and understand how things must feel from their perspective.
5. Work on your problem solving skills to allow yourself a greater number of options other than anger and frustration.
6. Practice! These skills take practice but can eventually become a part of your natural behavior.
Give students a few different case studies to solve. This can be done as a group activity or individually.
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Think about a situation recently where you felt angry. Write this situation down.
How did your body feel at that time?
What are some of the body signals that you felt? Give time here for the students to think about these questions
Some common physical symptoms include: Racing pulse, dry mouth, increased breathing rate, shaking, feeling warm, breaking into a sweat, and chest pains.
Headaches and teeth grinding are also not uncommon. Often we begin to feel these physiological symptoms of anger before we even realize that we are angry. Learning to recognize these body signals can give us a warning of when we need to intervene. These feelings are often a precursor to behaviors that we want to avoid.
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Passive Aggression is - Pertaining to behavior in which feelings of aggression are expressed in passive ways as, for example, by stubbornness, sullenness, procrastination, or intentional inefficiency.
Passive / Aggressive Behavior
1.
The patient described a history of passive-aggressive behavior in which
he/she would not comply with directions, would complain about authority figures behind their back, and not meet expected behavioral norms.
2.
The patient’s family confirmed a pattern of the patient’s passive-aggressive
behavior in which he/she would make promises of doing something, but not follow through.
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Continued…
3.
The patient acknowledged that he/she tends to express anger indirectly through
social withdrawal or uncooperative behavior, rather than using assertiveness to express feelings directly.
4.
The patient has reported an increase in assertively expressing thoughts and
feelings and terminating passive-aggressive behavior patterns.
Now knowing the difference between anger and aggression are you acting out in appropriately when you get angry?
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Not admitting angry, suppressing and bottling up anger can cause long term health effects and can include: •
Coronary heart disease
•
Cancer
•
High blood pressure
•
And a greater likelihood of early death
In addition to the health effects there are many negative social effects of anger, including: •
Social isolation and withdrawal
•
Increased levels of hostility (strongly related to increased risk of disease and death)
•
Increased job stress
•
Depression
•
Relationship problems
The effects may seem extreme, but they are not uncommon for people who are quick to anger and sustain that feeling without working through it appropriately. Page 71
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SKILLS NEEDED IN DEALING WITH ANGER
Above are just some of the skills that you need to start dealing with anger. It might be helpful the write down an answer for each of this points. •
Identify a range of feelings including anger
•
Identify aggressive act by self and others
•
Identify the potential consequences to self and others from these aggressive acts
•
Identify self-destructive behavior
•
Identify internal cues to feelings of anger
•
Develop coping mechanisms for dealing with anger
•
Express anger without loss or control
By writing down you feeling and thoughts it may be more helpful to start dealing with your anger, now your feelings are on paper and cannot be ignored. This is a good first step to aid in dealing with your anger. Make sure the class has been able to answer majority of questions before moving. Page 73
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Some other feelings may be: •
Envy
•
Depression
•
Shame
•
Revenge
•
Rage
•
Longing
•
Disgust
•
Bewilderment
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What is aggressive behavior?
A relentless pattern of behavior that causes or threatens harm and or grief to others.
There are many different elements of aggressive behavior such as: •
Proactive – harassment, bullying, provocation etc…
•
Verbal – taunts, intimidation, threats etc…
•
Indirect or Relational – social manipulation etc…
•
Physical – self harm, tantrums, throwing, fights etc…
•
Instrumental – goal directed
•
Reactive – unplanned retaliation, revenge etc…
•
Proactive – harassment, bullying, provocation etc…
•
Covert – deceitful, steal, cheating, drug use
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If you do not want to talk to someone about your feeling a good idea is to write about them. Writing about your feelings allows you to express yourself without being judged.
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What other ways can you keep cool? Give you class enough time to think about this question. Turn this question into an activity. How other ways can we come up with in 5 minutes? The next section of the workshop is a bit lengthy so it might be an idea to take a break here.
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TIPS ON HOW TO MANAGE, TAME AND DROP ANGER
When you drop anger, though it is anchored in re-prioritization. Meaning that you consciously choose to supersede the anger with higher values.
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Take care of yourself: •
Get adequate rest
•
Find a physical outlet (swimming, walking, etc.)
•
Eat nutritionally
•
Cut down on caffeine
•
Eliminate alcohol or other mind-altering non-prescription drugs
Get your class to think of some helpful ideas on how they can drop their Anger.
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Here are some different emotions that cause anger and how to let go of them:
Letting Go of Guilt: Decreasing the impact of guilt as a motivator for your behavior.
Letting Go of Grief: Accepting the changes resulting from a loss.
Letting Go of Dependency: Accepting personal responsibility for your life and releasing others from their sense of responsibility to you and for you.
Letting Go of Over-Responsibility: Handing the responsibility to others for their lives and encouraging them to accept the consequences of their actions.
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Continued…
Letting Go of Resistance to Change: Facing the changes in your life that are the inevitable result of your being a member of the human race.
Letting Go of Fear: Desensitizing yourself to real or imagined stimuli that induce fear in your life.
Letting Go of Anger: Being able to express negative feelings in a healthy way with both your rights and the rights of others being respected and protected.
Letting Go of Denial: Facing life's realities with an open, straightforward approach and accepting the natural consequences of change in your life.
Letting Go of a Loved one to Death: Releasing your grasp on a loved one who is suffering pain and discomfort and who wants peace and respite from their suffering. It is the unselfish act of encouraging the loved one to ``take care of yourself; don't worry about us.'' It is the joy and peace you gain by recognizing that your loved one will be in a better place after death.
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By take the power standing up for yourself and others being offended and defeating negative and unconstructive self talk will in turn make you feel better and stronger.
Here are some really great Self Improvement quotes:
"Everything you want is outside your comfort zone."-- Robert Allen
"Anticipate meeting obstacles, but also anticipate overcoming them." -- Emmanuel Segui
"It only takes one person to change your life - you."-- Ruth Casey
"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of."-- Jim Rohn
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Everyone makes their own choices. A choice is a selection, the act of choosing, it’s an option, the power the right or liberty to choose.
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To combat anger it is best to have a healthy body and mind.
Don’t self-medicate with alcohol or drugs. These mask the problem but don’t solve it. You want to develop a clear view of your situation and mind-altering substances are simply counter-productive.
Taking illicit substances and consuming large amounts of alcohol therefore alter one’s mind – potentially leading to possibly an increase in angry and irrational behavior and possible aggression.
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Why sleep is good for you. •
Keeps Your Heart Healthy
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May Prevent Cancer
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Reduces Stress
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Reduces Inflammation
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Makes You More Alert
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Bolsters Your Memory
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May Help You Lose Weight
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Naps Make You Smarter
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Reduce Your Risk for Depression
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Helps the Body Make Repairs
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It is recommended that the average person gets at least 8 hours of sleep a night. If you have trouble sleeping here are a couple tips: •
Avoid before-bed snacks, particularly grains and sugars.
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Sleep in complete darkness or as close as possible.
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No TV right before bed.
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Wear socks to bed.
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Read something spiritual or religious.
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Journaling – keep a note pad beside your bed.
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Relax Definition: –verb (used with object) 1. to make less tense, rigid, or firm; make lax: to relax the muscles. 2. to diminish the force of. 3. to slacken or abate, as effort, attention, etc. 4. to make less strict or severe, as rules, discipline, etc.: to relax the requirements for a license. 5. to release or bring relief from the effects of tension, anxiety, etc.: A short swim always relaxes me.
Here you might want to practice some relaxing exercises and or come up with your own.
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Remember – the age old saying. Treat other how you wish to be treated.
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A good idea might be to write the letter sleep on it the night read the letter in next morning to make sure that your reactions are reasonable and that it all makes sense. Remember not to lay blame, express to the person why you feel this way.
After the person reads the letter they might want to meet up with you to rationally discuss the matter further, this is closure and will allow you to move on easily and forget the situation.
Here it might be an idea to do a role play then have the students write a letter to the person involved, you might also want to watch a video of an angry situation. Stop it in the middle or the situation and talk about how to address the situation.
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When writing the letter you may want to talk to a close friend or counselor about the situation and get a non bias opinion. Your friend might even be able to help your write your letter and prove read it for you. You might also find after speaking to friend or counselor about the situation you no longer feel the need to dwell on the situation and move on.
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Here is a poem that was written by Lizzie Jefferson when in an angry rage.
Shards of pain, broken glass, You've hurt me bad so kiss my ass, Never knew you'd be so cruel, Played me for a f*cking fool.
Took my trust, took my heart, Took my world, tore them apart, Hurt me bad, I've scars to see, Why'd you do this to me?
Anger rages in my veins, Tears flowing filled with pain, Numbed emotions I can't set free, You've hurt me bad but you don't see,
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Continued…
I believed you were mine, I thought we were fine, Thought you were the only one, But guess what, life goes on!
Next time you are angry you write a poem, even make a story this will assist in defusing your anger. You can also turn this into and activity.
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Can you come up with more ideas of how to displace your anger?
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So that the other person does not feel as though it is an attack on them you may want to meet in a neutral place e.g. café. Showing the other party in the situation/conflict that you want to resolve the problem, may not always work. The other party may not want to respond to you privately it may be an idea to approach them with another a trusted individual (such as a peer or mediator). You may want to appeal to another level of authority, it you cannot work out your differences with the other party, it may be appropriate to use due process or a higher influence e.g. administrator, manager, court system, arbitration, process etc…
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In your diary you may want to make a daily note of the feelings you experience and how you handled each of those feelings whether it be happiness, joy, embarrassment or anger.
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Assertive definition:
–adjective Confidently aggressive or self-assured; positive: aggressive; dogmatic: He is too assertive as a salesman.
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This is a good foundation of what you might want to say to the other person when meeting them.
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Sticking to the facts will elevate any exaggeration. It may be a good idea to take some time out of the situation and go have a think about the facts. What’s happening, how it happened, when it happened, where it happened and why do I feel this way. This will help with putting the situation into perspective. Once you have identified who, what, when, where and why of the situation you might want to either write a letter, talk to a friend, make a plan of how to resolve the situation, make a time to meet with the person, or all of the above?
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Self-control is the ability to make decisions about how and when we express our feelings, and which of our impulses to act on.
Self control is all about belief in you. If you know you can do it, you can do it.
“Destiny is as destiny does. If you believe you have no control, then you have no control.” -Wess Roberts
“You can't control the contour of your face, but you can control its expression.” Unknown
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Self-control is the ability of a person to exert their will over the inhibitions of their body or self. Self Control Requires: •
Self Monitoring
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Self Evaluation
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Self Reinforcement
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Get students in pairs to develop a self control system and share and discuss why they think this is a good system.
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Taking time out and cooling down will often give you new perspective on the situation.
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To every situation there will always be an upside and a downside. Always look at the upside opposed to the downside.
“Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.”Romain Gary
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Listen, if someone is angry with you listen to them and try to understand what they are feeling. Is there anything you can do or say? Empathy Definition: –noun 1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. 2. the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself: By means of empathy, a great painting becomes a mirror of the self.
Empathize –verb (used without object), -thized, -thiz·ing. To experience empathy (often fol. by with): His ability to empathize with people made him an excellent marriage counselor.
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How to deal with an angry situation: 1. Calm down 2. Name the problem 3. Find solutions 4. Pick the best solution 5. Congratulate yourself on your decision 6. Make the change.
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CONCLUSION OF WORKSHOP
Here are some helpful and healthy ways to express anger: •
Share your feelings when you’re calm – whether your angry embarrassed or outraged etc., not furious.
• Be tactful in expressing your angry feelings. • Use “I feel” instead of “You are” or “You did”. • Refuse to criticize or blame. • Talk with the person about how to prevent future occurrences. • Exercise or write to release angry feelings.
Let it go. Don’t hold a grudge.
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This is looking ahead and taking responsibility for you own emotions.
Remember: When the event happens pause think and choose your options this is controlling your thinking and then act.
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By looking ahead mean you are taking responsibility for your emotions, means you want to change the way you express your emotions. You want to start managing your anger.
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By defining anger as the emotion of self-preservation of your worth, needs, and convictions, it is easier to detect your moments of vulnerability to it. But while we recognize our times of vulnerability, we still need to answer a common question: Is anger good or bad?
The answer is, it all depends. There are times when anger is incorrectly associated with trivial matters. And there are times when it may be associated with legitimate concerns, but is managed irresponsibly. Balance is found when anger is linked to a reasonable issue and is communicated in a proper manner. This requires delicate shifting through the options of anger management, a challenge to be explored in the next session.
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SUPPORTING DOCUMENTS Through the documents, look for text surrounded by << and >> these are indicators for you to create some specific text.
Watch also for highlighted text which provides further guidance and instructions.
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ANGER MANAGEMENT OVERVIEW UNDERSTANDING and MANAGING ANGER
Anger is a natural and powerful emotion that everyone feels from time to time.
Psychological Causes: frustration, hurt, humiliation, embarrassment, shame, annoyance, disappointment, harassment, threats, and loss
Physical reactions: adrenaline rush, muscular tension, and elevations in heart rate/blood pressure
In reality, anger is a natural emotion that we feel whenever our needs are threatened or frustrated in some way. This emotion can activate either helpful (“upside”) or harmful (“downside”) responses.
Upside of Anger
Downside of Anger
Can motivate you to:
Health problems: high blood pressure, heart disease, headaches, stomach disorders, weight problems, skin disorders
Reach goals Solve problems
Causes you to be distracted, thus you are more likely to have accidents or just perform poorly on important tasks
Handle emergencies Interpersonal and group conflicts Violence and criminal behavior
Although we are often unable to predict or control our feelings, we CAN control how we act upon our feelings. Therefore, a key to managing anger typically pivots on the realization that anger signals that our needs are being threatened, blocked, or frustrated in some way. In the context of relationships, we manage our anger best when we focus less on attempting to change others, and more on attempting to Page 119
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop change ourselves. That is, the first step of anger management involves our ability to assert ourselves in direct, responsible, and non-aggressive ways in order to meet our needs.
Some initial steps for MANAGING ANGER: 1. Recognize the multiple ways your anger surfaces: i.e., associated feelings, thoughts, behaviors, and physical reactions 2. Identify the causes (or triggers) by answering the question, “Why am I so angry?” 3. Decide what to do to address the cause(s) by taking active steps to meet your own needs (i.e., act on the question: “What can I do to make sure my needs are being met?”) The Do’s of Anger
The Don’ts of Anger
Calm down by saying relaxing statements to yourself. Take care of yourself (e.g., good sleeping and eating habits, exercise, meditation, etc.).
Don’t take things personally, when someone insults you they are really expressing how they feel about themselves to some degree.
Be assertive, but not aggressive, express yourself clearly and firmly without insulting or threatening the other person.
Don’t get personal by using insults or name-calling or making accusations. Don’t avoid the conflicts you are responsible for.
Seek consultation from experts who can help you resolve the conflict (i.e. counselors, clergy, etc.).
Don’t feel like you have to solve all conflicts by yourself.
Stay sober and stay in control. Don’t get drunk or high. Use humor to cool yourself down. Don’t humiliate others with jokes or sarcasm. Walk away from a potentially violent situation.
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Don’t get involved in other people’s conflicts.
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS
Empathy is the antidote to conflict. Empathy is taking another person’s psychological perspective with the goal of understanding their experience. It’s like walking in someone else’s shoes. Most people who are angry desperately want to be understood. Thus, you need to understand what the other person is angry about first before you respond. You communicate your understanding through your body language and paraphrasing (repeating the essence of what they said in a brief concise statement).
Examples of paraphrase starters: • Let me see if I've got it right... • Sounds like..... • I think I hear you saying... • So, in other words.....
HERE IS AN EFFECTIVE FORMAT FOR ENHANCING EMPATHY, DISSOLVING ANGER, AND RESOLVING CONFLICTS:
1. Both people agree to have a discussion that includes the following ground rules:
•
No interrupting
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No name-calling
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Work to resolve the conflict (not to win the argument)
2. The first person tells his/her side of the story using “I-Messages” and focusing on: •
How he/she feels (i.e., “I feel…”)
•
What specifically happened from his/her point of view (i.e., “I noticed that…”)
•
What s/he wants (i.e., “I need…”) Page 121
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3. The second person restates what the problem was for the first person and asks questions for clarity and understanding.
4. The second person tells his/ her side of the story using “I-Messages” and focusing on: •
How he/she feels (i.e., “I feel…”)
•
What specifically happened from his/her point of view (i.e., “I noticed that…”)
•
What s/he wants and/or needs (i.e., “I need…”)
5. The first person restates what the problem was for the second person and asks questions for clarity and understanding.
6. Both people suggest some possible solutions.
7. Both agree on a reasonable solution that can be developed into a specific plan.
8. Implement the agreed upon plan with the goal of satisfying the following criteria: •
It is balanced and fair
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It is specific
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It is realistic
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It solves the problem
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ANGER MANAGEMENT FOR THE YOUNG Every theorist who has sought to offer a comprehensive psychological or philosophical explanation of human behavior has put forward a theory in relation to emotion. Anger as it is an emotion and one that leads to many social difficulties has had its fair share of attention. The suggested ways of working to be found within this package are driven by theory. It is important that the practitioners intending to work in the ways suggested, understand the theoretical basis for the content. Primarily because this can only be a starter pack. It is not intended to be all encompassing but is intended to give a skilled teacher the tools to get started on their work with children who appear to have, “uncontrollable tempers”.
It will become clear that what we are dealing with is not an uncontrollable “outburst” of anger but a child who has organized his/her cognitive map with relation to anger somewhat differently to the expectations of the teachers\school\greater society. If the practitioner understands the theory then there is a basis for development. Thus when difficulties arise within the practitioner’s context, knowledge of the theory will enable the creative generation of pragmatic and practical solutions, relevant to the context.
Prior to an explanation of the theory driving this pack I would like to take a few moments to deconstruct the notion of “outbursts” of temper. This phrase is linked to a cathartic notion of anger, for which we must thank Freud and others. The general idea being that within all humans is a continuous welling up of anger, rather in the manner of a dripping tap. This is an innate phenomenon, present within all humans. After a while the pressure builds up and out pops a fit of temper. Within this theory there are usually ways to release the build up to stop an outburst of anger, these usually revolve around sport and exercise. The theory of social constructionism, which is the theoretical driving force behind this approach, could not be more different. Rather than attributing a totally physiological origin to anger a contextual/psychological/physiological explanation is offered.
Things may become clearer if I describe a series of experiments undertaken by Schacter and Singer between 1962 and 1979. Subjects were injected with Page 123
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop epinephrine, which is a drug that induces the following physiological responses: flushing of the face, tremors, and increased heart beat and increased perspiration. Some of the subjects were told what they were injected with and the effects it would have. Others were not. All the subjects were then asked to fill in a questionnaire in a waiting room. There was another subject in the waiting room who was also filling out a questionnaire. However, this subject was a stooge. In all cases the stooge either acted in an aggressive fashion, complaining at the lengthy wait, or acted in a euphoric fashion. The subjects who were not told about the effects of the drug tended to follow the behavior pattern of the stooge. Whereas the subjects who knew what effect the drug was having upon them did not. Schacter and Singer’s explanation for this was that the subjects who did not know that they were feeling flushed etc. due to the drug, concluded that they were feeling as they were because they were either angry or euphoric. Whereas, the subjects that knew that they were feeling the effects of the drug did not then attribute their physiological state to the cues being given by the stooge. Hence they let him get on with it without joining in.
In essence the argument is that the body releases certain chemicals, which the mind detects and then attributes an emotional state, which depends upon the context. Thus, emotion is more to do with social constructions and psychology than physiology.
So what has all this got to do with children who lose their temper in school? To discover this we must first look at the groups children belong to and the cultures they are immersed in. There is the culture of their family and subcultures within the family. There is the culture of the street corner and their friends. There is the culture of the immediate area. Then there is the culture of the school and teachers and greater society. The question is where do the children’s norms come from? We know as teachers that being called names is a foolish irrelevance that should be ignored, how do we know that? However, out on the estate an insult to ones Mother may well warrant a violent physical response. Whose culture is right? The question really should be whose culture is in charge? The culture of United Kingdom 1997 greater society says that name-calling is not serious, whereas violence is. Teachers are successful people within greater society; would/could they be so without adopting the norms of greater society? It is part of a teacher’s job to teach children Page 124
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop about the norms of greater society. What schools are doing is helping children cope with the expectations of greater society. I hope that you are beginning to realize that anger management is a murky business. What you are essentially doing is teaching children to reject certain of the cultural influences that they are subject to and take on board the norms of greater society. Do we mean middle England? Personally, I can live with this. I think that children are ultimately happier if they are taught to fit in with the majority. This is not to say that I think one culture is better than another that is a very dangerous road to go down. I do think that the pragmatic approach is probably the best shot these kids will have within the prevailing norms most of us accept.
Take for instance a child coming from Sicily to live in the part of inner London where I used to work, let us say that he speaks excellent English. I would bet my house against a bottle of Scotch that within a week someone will have “Cussed his Mum”. In Sicily the cultural norm for an insult such as this usually involves violent death and shotguns. Therefore people don’t do it. What are we to do with this boy? We had better teach him some new norms before he gets to find out where to buy a shotgun. What is the difference between teaching him some new norms and saying that the host culture is better than his indigenous culture? Personally I would rather live in a culture where no one insulted my Mum. On the other hand I don’t really think that insulting one’s Mother warrants a violent response, but then I would say that wouldn’t I. Likewise, a street wise youngster who is subject to someone cussing his mother on the estate will know what the credible and essential response is to this slight in the specific context he finds himself in. The expected response is in all probability very different to the one expected by his/her teachers and society in general within the context of school.
In summary, the theoretical basis for the work that will be detailed in this pack is a tame version of social constructionism. Tame social constructionists see people as being entities that generate chemical responses to situations. The chemical is interpreted by the brain in accordance with the context. People pick up their norms from a large number of groups. Sometimes children get confused and bring norms from outside school into school. Being as school is in charge their behavior is then seen as inappropriate, which it is for the context. This pack contains details of how Page 125
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop children who are bringing outside norms into school can be taught the norms of the school.
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Anger Management games. Introduction to group. This should be an honest but gentle account of why the children are there. I usually tell them that we all find some things difficult. “I can’t spell, my daughter can’t ride a bike, you have trouble with your temper. “No big deal, let’s get down and teach you how to get your temper under control”. I usually go around the group to see if anybody wants to stay as they are. I’ve never found a child that did. I genuinely believe that what is being offered to the children comes as a great relief. They know full well that things aren’t right but they don’t see a way out. This group will offer them a way out of a hole as well as giving them permission to stop digging.
Ground rules. Most group work practitioners will start groups with a session on ground rules. This is best done if all the group members agree that rules are needed and the members generate the rules. The use of a flip chart is useful the agreed ground rules can then be pinned up each week that the group is running. To be honest, I don’t run this activity once groups are established as part of the school routine and culture. I think because the groups I ran in school were so popular and seen as a real privilege to be a member of, that stepping outside the limits rarely happened. However, I do think that it is an essential component when establishing the system within a school for the first time.
The type of ground rules would often include the following: •
We agree to take turns.
•
Only one person to talk at one time.
•
I can talk to other children about what I did in the group, but not what my friends in the group did.
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Agree to be on time, this may not apply, I usually pick up the children from class, this gives me a chance to take a quick look at their work and make positive noises about it. It also gives you a chance to say hello to past members, tussle their hair and heap praise on them for the quality of their work and aren’t they doing well. I have found that for some reason they like to know that I have thought about them outside school. So comments such as, “I was only telling my wife/daughter the other day how pleased I was with you”. Go down particularly well.
One-minute conversations. This is rather like a party. The members of the group circulate in the room making conversation with each member of the group for a maximum of one minute. If the children are likely to find this difficult then ideas for things to talk about can be put on the flip chart.
My favorite page. Tell the children that they have three minutes to choose a book, that they think looks interesting to them. Encourage the children to choose a number of books as they go along and then choose the best two/three at the thirty second warning, then the best one at the ten second warning. The children are then given two minutes to choose the best page in their book. Again encourage them to choose a number of pages as they go along and choose the best two/three at the twenty second warning and the best page at the ten second warning. You then give the children one minute to choose the best thing on the page they have chosen. Give them a warning about ten seconds before time is up. Then give the children thirty seconds to say what it is about the book that they found interesting. When the children are telling about their page they should be making eye contact with the rest of the group, speak clearly and confidently. This is really an assertiveness game. The group who are listening should be assertive in their listening, nodding and making eye contact.
Walking Blindfold. This involves the children working in pairs. One is blindfold, the other leads their partner around the room/corridor. The leader holds the blindfolded pupil gently by the elbow and helps steer them as well as delivering a string of instructions and Page 128
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop information about where they are, what is coming next and what is about to happen. This game helps to develop trust.
The Last Time I Felt. To play this game you will need a set of cards with an emotion or feeling written on each. If you have non-readers, get the children to hold their cards toward the centre of the group. You can then give them the word by saying, “John would you tell us when you last felt Angry (or whatever is written on their card).” Begin this game by modeling it, “The last time I felt sad was when I broke a vase that my Mother had given me as a special present”. Pass to someone else in the group.
Positive About Session. The group leader begins by example and says one positive thing about the group session. For instance, “I really enjoyed the way the group took turns today”. Pass over to your left/right and so on around the circle.
Check in: This is simple but an essential component of any group that seeks to be supportive. Each member of the group takes their turn to report on their week. Instigate this by asking an age appropriate question such as, "Has anybody got any news" or "How have things been". With an anger management group this will become the core component of the groups work. This is the time when the children will tell you about the difficult situations they have been in during the week. If they don’t you will no doubt be aware from your own observations or from other staff that there have been some difficulties. You can bring these up if the child doesn’t. The way I tackle the problems that are discussed is to give the group a summary of the child’s account of the event and ask if anyone can suggest how this situation could have been handled. The whole group is then immersed in a sea of words that will encourage the development of a more complex array of strategies for coping with situations. You may need to note down the alternative options down and then one by one ask the group to predict the outcome of each alternative, in its fullest sense. For instance, “What would be likely to happen if John told the teacher that Tom had spat at him?” “Tom would get in trouble, John would be allowed to go to the toilet and clean himself up, smaller children would see the best way to deal with things like that etc.” Page 129
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop What We Could Do If. This game is similar to the exploration of difficulties experienced by the children and detailed in “Check In”. The only difference being that you offer the children hypothetical situations. For instance, “Just say that a boy hits you in the playground, what could you do?” Again note down the different options offered by the group. Explore the consequences for each option to the fullest extent, using a sentence like, “what would happen if you did that?” Get the children to role-play out one inappropriate reaction, such as hitting and role-play a couple of the better options offered. At the conclusion of each role-play ask how the actors felt and how the observers felt.
Design a Costume This is quite a good way to get a group working together, with the consequent effects on the bonding of the group. Provide an array of materials, colored paper, off cuts of cloth, whatever you have available really. Scrap projects are useful resources for this game. Make sure the children have a good supply of sellotape and ask them to design a costume. Allow them about twenty minutes. You will need to remain near enough to the group to monitor their interactions but far enough away that you do not see the final product. Naturally, when you are presented with the final costume you glow with pride and much praise is given. I have never insisted that the children draw out their designs, I usually just let them get on with it and I’ve never been let down yet.
I Catch You and You Catch Me. This is a trust game. Meaning that you must trust the children to play it responsibly and the children must trust each other, which they do in turn. Put the children in pairs of approximately equal physical stature. Demonstrate the game by standing behind a volunteer, with your hands poised just behind his/her shoulders. Then ask the volunteer to keep their legs stiff and fall backwards. As they fall back you push them forwards again. Gradually increase the amount the children fall. It feels absolutely wonderful, particularly if you close your eyes.
Positive About Person on Left. Model saying a positive comment to the person on your left, e.g., Page 130
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop “John I really like your hair, shoes, smile" etc. Ask the children to do the same. They may find this difficult and need lots of encouragement.
Positive About Self. Begin by modeling this and saying something positive about yourself. Maintain eye contact with the group whilst you are doing it. For instance, “I like myself because I try and be happy all the time”. Pass to your left or right. At first the children will probably say something about liking their trainers. Let this go at first but slowly and gently push for something about them as people. I find saying something like, “Yes I like your trainers too, but just imagine you are in the bath, what would you like about yourself then.” If you have a child that is reluctant I find the following approach useful. Say something like, “John is having trouble with this one, lets help him out and all say something positive about him”. This will immerse John in a sea of positive language about himself and give him some ideas. If this still fails, I usually pick two of the positives that he has heard from the group and offer a choice. Something like, “OK John you have nice hair and a great smile which do you want to say”. If that doesn’t work leave the child for that week. They will think about it before the next group and say something next time the group meets. I’ve never known a child go two weeks without saying a positive about themselves.
Take book back to shop. This is an assertiveness game. The scenario is that a book has been purchased from a shop and it has a page missing. The children take it in turns to be the customer taking the book back and to be the shopkeeper. There are three roles for the customer. Mr/Mrs Wimp (submissive), Mr/Mrs Angry (aggressive) and Mr/Mrs Strong (assertive). I usually let the children try Wimp and Angry and only model if they don’t get it right. I always model Strong. After each role play ask the shopkeeper how s/he felt ask the customer how s/he felt and ask the children who observed how they felt. Usually Mr/Mrs Wimp makes everybody feel like they don’t want to change the book, whilst Mr/Mrs Angry gets everybody cross. The strong approach means that the customer comes away from the shop with a new book.
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Conducting An Anger Management Workshop Because, by being assertive, people want to help you. The important lesson here is the effect being angry has on other people and that there is a much better way.
Relaxation. This is a very simple but powerful technique. I have used it to good effect with children as young as six but it is probably more effective with older children. The idea is to tense each part of the body note the feeling of tension/tightness and then relax/go floppy. After about one month of regular practice a stimulus is needed. With adults a red dot is ordinarily put onto their watch upon seeing the dot they will check their body for tension. With older children the watch technique can and does work. With younger children they may need some form of mark on the board or perhaps a soft toy placed where they might tend to look regularly. The children would usually be sitting in a chair although I have found that some children rather like to practice this laying on beanbags. This is the form of words I tend to use.
Sit comfortably close your eyes and think of nothing. Now make your hands into fists, go on really squeeze those fists. Feel that tight feeling,----- feel that tight feeling. ------ And now relax/go floppy. ----- Think of that lovely feeling of relaxation (or think of that lovely floppy feeling for younger children.)
Make your hands into tight fists again and bring your hands up to touch your shoulders. Feel that tight feeling along your arms. Feel the tight feeling and relax, think of that lovely feeling of relaxation (or think of that lovely floppy feeling.)
Now relax your arms, let them hang loosely by your side. Push your shoulders up and try and touch your ears. Go on really push upwards. Feel that tight feeling in your shoulders. Feel the tight feeling and relax, think of that lovely feeling of relaxation (or think of that lovely floppy feeling.)
This time scrunch up your face. Really scrunch up your face. Feel that tight feeling in your face and relax, think of that lovely feeling of relaxation (or think of that lovely floppy feeling).
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Conducting An Anger Management Workshop Now make your tummy muscles tight go on really tighten those muscles. Feel that tight feeling. Feel the tight feeling and relax, think of that lovely feeling of relaxation (or think of that lovely floppy feeling.)
Push your tummy forward this time, make your back arch, feel the tight feeling all along your back, feel that tight feeling and relax, think of that wonderful feeling of relaxation.
Tighten the muscles in your legs, feel those muscles tightening, feel that tight feeling and relax. Feel that tight feeling along your arms. Feel the tight feeling and relax, think of that lovely feeling of relaxation (or think of that lovely floppy feeling.)
Now make your toes into fists, really scrunch up those toes. Feel that tight feeling. Feel the tight feeling and relax, think of that lovely feeling of relaxation (or think of that lovely floppy feeling.)
Take a deep breath hold that breath, feel that tight feeling in your lungs, feel the tight feeling now let the breath out slowly and feel all the tightness go away. Think of that lovely feeling of relaxation (or think of that lovely floppy feeling.)
Keep your eyes closed, we are going to check each part of your body to see if there is any tightness. Think of your hands and arms if there is any tightness just let go of it. Now check your shoulders neck and face. If you find any tightness just let go. Check your back and shoulders, your legs and feet. If you find any tension just let go.
You should now be feeling wonderful and relaxed/floppy. Just enjoy that wonderful feeling and when you feel ready open your eyes.
The things that make me angry. This game is inextricably linked with Brainstorming Responses and Predicting consequences and role-play. This element involves the facilitator asking the children to tell the group one or two things that make them angry. They can be things that teachers do or things that children do. Keep a note of these. I usually use a note Page 133
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop pad on my knee, as this keeps me within the group physically and I think psychologically, but you may prefer to use a flip chart or board.
Brainstorm Responses and predicting consequences. From the list of things that make the children angry, choose one to being with. Ask the children what could you do if for example, “Kids push in front in the dinner Que.”. Keep a note of the responses. Hopefully you will get some aggressive ideas such as push them out or hit them, some assertive ideas such as asking them to go to the back of the Que. or telling a teacher and some submissive ones such as just letting them in and feeling angry with them. If not encourage them to come up with a range of ideas. It is important that the children list real behaviors and not just tell you what they know should be their reaction. This is important because I have found that working with live behaviors/language is far more powerful than made up scenarios. The following role play will allow them to experience the good feeling associated with behaving assertively/appropriately and the feelings aroused when reacting aggressively or submissively bur most importantly it will have allowed them to model new behaviors.
Role-play: I use three or four clearly defined roles in this type of work. The person who has been wronged, the naughty one, the intervening adult if required and watchers who play a very involved role. Start by assigning roles. Then review the incident so the participants know what to do. This is only an extension of the type of games children play anyway. For instance you be X and I’ll be Y and then you do so and so etc. Let the role-play begin. At the conclusion, ask each of the four participating parties, how did X feel how did Y feel.
In the Bin: For this activity the children need to be seated in a circle. You can if you wish place a real bin in the middle, but I usually use an imaginary one. Drawing on your list of things that make the children angry select one belonging to one of the children and ask them to call you that name. If for instance being told, “Your Mum is a slag” Page 134
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop particularly offends Jimmy then ask Jimmy to say it to you. You will find that the children find this very difficult. I have always felt this was because they quite liked me. It is very important that the children and the facilitator have bonded before playing this game as it does take the children very near to the edges of being very angry at first. So if you find the children are not in the least reticent about calling you names you might like to consider if the group is ready for this activity. Once you have persuaded Jimmy to tell you that your Mum is a slag respond by talking the phrase out. For instance: “You don’t know my Mum so you can’t know. My Mum is not a slag she is a very nice person and I love her. What you’re saying is a load of rubbish, in the bin! (Delivered with hand gestures to symbolize screwing up rubbish and throwing it into the bin).”
You may need to model this a few times until you feel the children are ready for their go. Ask for a volunteer. Remind the child that this is to help them and everybody in the group really likes them. If you are sure that the child will just about hold in there then the facilitator say’s to Jimmy, “Your Mum is a slag”. Gently encourage Jimmy to talk the insult out and toss it in the bin. Once he has, clap, shake hands and say well done, the child must be made to feel secure loved and happy.
You will need to get the children familiar with talking out insults from the facilitator before taking the next step, which is to allow the children to insult each other. Once you have got them to this level the children will have come a very long way. So well done.
I feel great when: This is a wind down game and is there to encourage positive thinking. The children may start with saying they feel great when their favorite football team scores a goal for instance. If they do make your response a model to follow. For instance, “I feel great when someone is rude to me in a supermarket and I keep my temper.” The essence is to get the children to say they feel great when they have done something rather than when something is done to them, such as someone else scoring a goal, or there is a good show on television.
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Conducting An Anger Management Workshop Positive about someone I dislike: This is a real tough one for the children. If they find it too difficult you could always use the same routine as the something nice game detailed in Social Skills. In essence I would suggest that the children in your group have become used to adding value to the offences against them. By this I mean that they have become used to actively disliking some people and when one of those people gives offence in some way they retaliate for the original offence with an additional element that is there because they dislike the offender. This to an outside observer would be seen as an overreaction on the part of our target child. Naturally, the target child feels they have responded fairly which they probably have on their scale of things, hence the disbelief at the consequences that follow and a feeling that they have been unfairly treated.
It is therefore very important to get this game off the ground. It may take some time to get each child to get to the point where they can do this, just be patient. The person who is disliked should not be mentioned by name, a model response would be, ”The person I dislike has a good sense of humor”.
I made a choice: This game reinforces, Brain Storm Responses, Predict Consequences and Role Play. There has been some time since you engaged in the above activities and this game gives the children the opportunity to receive acclaim for being in a difficult situation and making a good choice. Try and get the children to detail the range of choices they had available to them. A typical interaction between the child, facilitator and group might go like this.
Child
“The time I made a choice was last week when John came up to me in class and whispered your Mum raids bins for
your dinner. I just sat there.”
Facilitator:
“How did you feel?”
Child:
“I felt angry and wanted to get up and hit him”
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Conducting An Anger Management Workshop Facilitator:
“What choices did you have?”
Child:
“Tell the teacher ignore him”
Facilitator:
“Did (target child) have any other choices?”
(To group)
Member of
“He could have hit him or shouted at him”
group:
Facilitator:
“Seems like (target child) made a great choice, let’s all shake
group)
his/her hand and say well done?”
(to
You can extend this activity by getting the children in the group or the target child to predict what the consequences would have been had they chosen any of the other options. This may seem a little long-winded, but as the pupils get into the swing of this they become very adept at it, which is what you are aiming at. The children should be able to think very quickly about what will happen if they make a choice and thus begin to make the choices that are in their best interests, which keep them out of trouble.
I Made a Bad Choice:
This is similar to I made a choice. The reason you play it after the positive version is that it is important to gain the children’s trust first. I have found that once the group bonds with each other and you, the children don’t want to disappoint you and so seek to put a gloss over their behavior. The desire to please you is a vital part of the change process. But it is very important that the children recognize when they have made a mistake and are given the chance to reflect on it. So this game is more a celebration of the fact that we all make mistakes but what is important is to recognize that mistake and fix it. I often make an analogy with spelling by explaining that you
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Conducting An Anger Management Workshop don’t get spellings right first time it is only by looking at the word spelt wrong and seeing where you went wrong and then fixing it that you learn.
Present the game as described above. Ask the children to identify an incident preferably recent or if they are reluctant from the past and say what choice they made and what would have been a better choice. Get the group or the child to explore the choice and see what happened versus what would have happened if they had made a better choice.
Ten things that other people can do to me. This game is linked inextricably to Sort in Order and Ten things I can do to other people.
Have a note pad on your knee or use a flip chart. Ask the children to tell you some things that people do to them. You need a range from walk past innocently to attack physically. The key question to use here is “That’s a good one can you tell me something worse/not so bad.” In this way you will get a range. Write each one as a discreet unit with a line between it and the next offence on your pad or flip chart, you can’t use a board for this one.
Sort in order (offences). Tear each of the offences into a separate slip. Place the children around a table with the slips on the table and ask them to put the most offensive act at the top and the least offensive at the bottom so that the original page is reformed but with the offences in a hierarchy. The key question here would be something like, ”Do you feel that being rude about your mum is worse than being kicked?” In this way by working down the hierarchy that the children have produced they will have given thought to offences against them and will begin to see that some are worse than others. I have found that at the onset of this activity many of the children I have worked with dealt with all offences as if they were all of equal magnitude. This process helps the children to become more complex cognitively.
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Conducting An Anger Management Workshop Number the final list from one to ten where ten is the most offensive act and one the least offensive act. Put the list away somewhere safe.
Ten things that I can do to other people. This is an identical process to that described in ten things that other people can do to me. Here the key question would be something along the lines of, “That’s a good one now can you tell me something that would be worse/not so bad?”
Sort in Order (Responses) Again this is simply a repeat of sort in order (offences). Again put the numbered strips away in a safe place. The central point to note is that the children should be encouraged with the key question, “Is that worse/not so bad as (the one above/below).
A model set of offences and responses are provided in appendix 2. This can be useful if you are short of time, or you want to teach the process by a different approach to the one described.
What I would do if: For this session you will need your carefully preserved slips with offences numbered one to ten and your slips similarly numbered with responses on them.
Seat the children around a table and lay out the two sets of slips not necessarily in order but in separate areas of the table. Select one at random. Let us say that this was say rude things about my family which has been numbered as six (usually this is the worse verbal offence). Ask the children to look at the slips with responses on and ask them to place a fair response next to it. If you get a violent response the chances are that it will be a higher number than six. You can point this out and see if the children want to reconsider. Simply repeat this until you feel the children have had enough.
Some very important cognitive reorganization goes on during these sessions. Some very fundamental beliefs are also addressed and altered. For this reason these sessions can be quite demanding, so come back again rather than push too far. Page 139
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop Firm handshake and greeting: Here you are seeking to develop a firm assertive handshake with eye contact. Remember many of the children in an anger management group will not have developed assertive skills. They may know how to be submissive when confronted with a much stronger adversary or how to give an aggressive hard stare. So don’t be surprised if this comes a little difficult at first.
I do this be modeling it. I hold out my had whilst making eye contact and say, “Thank you for all your hard work today”. I expect the children to make eye contact with me which is maintained during the interaction and say quietly yet firmly , “Thank you”. After a while the children get really good at this and you can do a round of hand shaking very quickly.
I shared: This is simply a wind down game but it does require a degree of courage for a child that is quite self protective and self contained to admit to have been generous to another. Begin this game by modeling. “The last time I can remember sharing was on Sunday when I bought a bar of chocolate to share with my daughter”. Pass to the left or right of the circle.
The last time I was kind: Again another wind down game but similarly one that requires a degree of risk for a child that is used to keeping others at a distance. Begin by modeling. “The last time I was kind, I gave my neighbor a hand to change the tyre on his car when it had a puncture.” Pass to left or right. You can extend this with two questions, “How did they feel” and “How did you feel” should you wish. You can also allow the group to ask questions.
Positive about school: Another wind down game but important none the less, because we want the children to feel positively about school and being immersed if briefly in a sea of positive words about school can only help this process. Begin by modeling. “I like this school because it is a school that really cares about children who are having difficulties”. Be strict here and insist upon positives and no silly comments. Page 140
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop Board Games: It is important to be a good looser and a good winner. I have found that it is possible to develop these skills within a group context by the use of board games. I have ordinarily used three phases.
Phase one: I use a magnetic game of naught and crosses. This game is very quick thus there is little invested and so the disappointment of loosing is not severe. I insist that the loser say’s, “Congratulations” to the winner. The winner has to say to the looser, “Thank you for playing”. Be very firm here as this sets the scene for the rest of the games.
Snakes and ladders: This game has more investment that noughts and crosses. It is very useful because it has lots of disappointments and moments of elation. It is important that the moments of disappointment are not jeered at by the others nor that the moments of elation are a chance to sneer at the opponents. I insist on the following behaviors. Upon having to go down a snake, the group say, “Hard luck” target child says, “Thank you”. I often reinforce this by asking how they feel when people show sympathy and by asking the group how they feel when showing sympathy as compared to sneering. Again the winner says thank you for playing and the losers say congratulations.
Chess: You may need to spend some time teaching the children to play chess in a one to one. However this is a game that has a very great deal of investment and loosing hurts. Again I insist upon thank you for playing and congratulations at the conclusion of play. If you get a child to lose a chess without presenting a display of anger, give yourself a pat on the back and take yourself out for a good meal. Well done you are doing a marvelous job.
I find that I enter into the board game stage near the end of my time with the children but you could introduce quick games like naught and crosses much earlier on.
Board games are also very useful for contact sessions.
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Conducting An Anger Management Workshop Remember when: The children absolutely love this game. It is rather like a parent telling their own children about the funny things that the children did when they were little. I usually say something like , “Mickey do you remember when I observed you in class and you were hiding under the table?” This is said with much mirth and fondness. This is not to say that one is condoning the behavior what you are saying is that the behavior is so far in the past that a repetition is unthinkable now and so it is OK to laugh about it. This in itself reinforces the extinguishing of the behavior, because they would really let you down if it ever reappeared.
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CASE STUDIES CASE 1: An LPO of a Division prides himself in his common-sense approach to his work. His Division Officer, however is inexperienced and many times does not attend to details that would make the Division run smoothly. The LPO is a chronic grumbler who gladly expresses his dissatisfaction to anyone who wants to discuss the situation with him.
CASE 2: A wife tries to tell her husband she does not have the time or energy to run errands for him as he has requested. Besides she believes, he is just being lazy; he could run the errands himself. So she tells him his request may not receive the high priority he wants. He responds by reminding her of the hard work he does so the bills can be paid. When he accuses her of being selfish she becomes ANGRY, feeling frustrated because he will not acknowledge her contribution to the family.
CASE 3: A father who overhears his two teenage sons disagreeing about something scolds them harshly for arguing. When one of the brothers tries to talk calmly to his father, he is reprimanded even more severely. The boys retreat to their bedroom, grumbling about Dad’s constant condescension.
Q. Why are the people on each of these situations angry?
A. In each of these examples, the person was angry because his or her fundamental convictions were ignored by others. The conviction itself may be understandable, but the emotional result was not. Examples differ in its anger-producing circumstances. Yet I a common thread: Lack of respect felt by the wife, the teenagers and the LPO. Whether or not it was the intention of the sender, the message they perceived was, Your worth is none of my concern.
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REFERENCES Systemic Approach •
Jewkes, R. (2002). Intimate partner violence: Causes and prevention. The Lancet, 359, 1423.
•
Pernito, V. (2002). Involving men in eliminating violence against women in the Philippines. Sexual Health Exchange, 2002 (3), 4-5.
•
Schmidt, B. F. (2002). Challenging gender-based violence. Sexual Health Exchange 22(3), 1-3.
•
Learning Theory
•
DiNapoli, P. P. (2003). Guns and dolls: An exploration of violent behavior in girls. Advances in Nursing Science (26), 140-149.
•
Gorman, M. O. (2003). Violent TV makes kids violent. Prevention 55(9), 48.
•
Morales, A. V. Q. (2001). Violence begets violence. Women’s Health Collection Annual, 131-133.
Bullying •
Argenbright, G. C., & Edgell, L. A. 1999. Taking a stand against bullying behavior:
Helping to make our schools safer for all children. Unpublished
manuscript, Chesterfield County Public Schools, Richmond, VA. •
Moore, M. H., Petrie, C. V., Braga, A. A., & McLaughlin, B. L. 2003. Deadly Lessons:
Understanding Lethal School Violence. National Research
Council. •
Roberts, W. B., Jr., & Coursol, D. 1996. Strategies for intervention with childhood and adolescent victims of bullying, teasing and intimidation. Page 145
Conducting An Anger Management Workshop Elementary School Guidance and Counseling, 30, 204-212. •
Roberts, W. B., Jr., & Morotti, A. A. 2xxx. The bully as victim: Understanding bully behaviors to increase the effectiveness of interventions in the bully-victim dyad. Professional School Counseling, 4, 148-156.
•
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. 2003. The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program. Retrieved October 10, 2002 from http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2003/schoolcrime.
Anger Management •
Besley, K. R. (1999). Anger management: Immediate intervention by counselor coach. Professional School Counseling, 3, 81-89.
•
Carter, L. & Minirth, F. (1993). The anger workbook. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.
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Hyland, T. L. & Davis, J. (1999). Angry kids frustrated parents. Boys Town, NE: Boys Town Press.
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Kellner, M. H., Bry, B. H., & Colletti, L.-A. (2002). Teaching anger management skills to students with severe emotional or behavioral disorders. Behavioral Disorders, 27, 400-407.
•
Kellner, M. H., Salvador, D. S., & Bry, B. H. (2001, August). In control: Anger management and the development of prosocial behavior. Paper presented at the meeting of the American Psychological Association, San Francisco, CA. (ERIC Document Reproduction Service No. ED458476).
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Leaman, D. (2003, September). Helping pre-adolescents and adolescents manage anger effectively. Presentation at the world conference of the American Association of Christian Counselors, Nashville, TN.
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Conducting An Anger Management Workshop •
McCarthy-Tucker, S., Gold, A., & Garcia, E., III. (1999). Effects of anger management training on aggressive behavior in adolescent boys. Journal of Offender Rehabilitation, 29, 129-141.
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Practice Guidelines and Ethical Considerations for Working with Clients who may be Violent
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Borum, R. (2003). New directions in violence risk assessment. Psychiatric Times. March 1, 2003. 102. Retrieved from Health Magazines database September 16, 2003
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Hermann, M. A. and Finn, A. (2002) An ethical and legal perspective on the role of school counselors in preventing violence in schools. Professional School Counseling, 6 46-54
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www.dictionary.com
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www.coping.org
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www.longevity.about.com
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FURTHER INFORMATION For more information on other products available from The Art of Service, you can visit our website: http://www.theartofservice.com
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