Becoming His

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…“Want to come in?” Toby asked, as they approached his apartment door. His heart pounded hard in his chest. It was getting late, he knew, close to midnight, and Lucas probably had to film the show in the morning. Lucas stopped his hand as he went to turn the key in the door. He reached up to grasp Toby’s chin, forcing their eyes to meet. “I do. If you want to go slow, though, I shouldn’t.” Why did he want to go slow? Oh, yeah, to prove he wasn’t some easy slut. If he let Lucas in tonight he knew they would have sex. And if he had any regrets after, if Lucas was then finished with him, he’d have only himself to blame. But if Lucas only wanted him for sex that wasn’t going to change even if they waited through a month of dates, would it? “Toby?” “Come inside,” he whispered. He fumbled with the key, but got the door open. Once they were both in the apartment, Toby closed and locked the door. “My room’s this way.” Toby bit his lips nervously as he led Lucas down the short hall to the only bedroom. He’d long since ceased to be a virgin, yet tonight he felt like one. Skittish, with his heart beating a fast tattoo against his chest. He wanted this…he did. Ever since he’d met Lucas in the hospital, Toby had dreamed of this. Yet now that the time had come, he was so afraid he’d make the biggest fool of himself. Lucas’s hand rested on his right buttock, sending a powerful jolt of desire straight to his already half-hard cock. Walking through the bedroom doorway, Toby turned to face Lucas. “How about I give you a personal striptease?” Toby licked his lips suggestively. This he knew. This he could be good at…

ALSO BY S HAWN LANE Accidentally His At Long Last The Beach House The Best Gift Car Wash Galaxy’s Heart His One And Only The Impersonator Jake’s Regret Lawyers In Love Manfred’s Curse Most Likely To Succeed Only For Him Only Forever Only His Heart Only In His Dreams The Other Side Pieces Pulling Apart Pulling Away Sorcerer’s Lover Sorcerer’s Lover II The Squire Still The One Sweet Reunion Ticket To Ride Twice In A Lifetime Until The End Of Time

BECOMING HIS BY SHAWN LANE

AMBER Q UILL PRESS, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com

BECOMING HIS AN AMBER QUILL PRESS BOOK This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2011 by Shawn Lane ISBN 978-1-61124-127-3 Cover Art © 2011 Trace Edward Zaber

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

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CHAPTER 1 Tobias Sherwood wrinkled his nose at the clothes in his closet. Sure, he loved the vibrant blues, purples, greens, yellows and pinks. And a few reds, of course. But just now he would have been happier with brown, black or gray. He adjusted the pink polka dot Turbie Twist he had wrapped around his wet hair. It had a tendency to lean to the side whenever he tilted his head. He also wore a big magenta bathrobe. “What about that Charlie Brown shirt you had on when you came to visit me in the hospital?” Kirk Matheson asked from Toby’s bed. Not that Kirk was in Toby’s bed. Yuck. They’d been best friends since grade school. Kirk lay on it, trying to help, supposedly, Toby get ready for 1

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his day at the television studio. Toby had managed to get an invitation to see Lucas Cartwright filming the detective show he starred in on cable. He could barely stand still. “I gave it away to a homeless man,” Toby explained. “You what?” He’d seen Kirk earlier lying on his back, his feet dangerously close to Toby’s pillows, staring up at the ceiling. “I was downtown and this homeless guy liked my shirt so I gave it to him.” Toby shrugged, even though Kirk couldn’t see it from his position in the bedroom. “You know what they say about giving the shirt off your back.” “You are just too good sometimes.” “I don’t think that’s possible to be too good,” Toby said absently. “Anyway, that wouldn’t have been the look I was going for anyway.” Kirk sighed. “What were you looking for?” Toby cocked his head, listening. He heard the distinct sound of a tin being opened. He walked out of his walk-in closet and slapped Kirk’s hand just as he reached inside the Almond Roca container. “Hey!” Kirk scowled as Toby snatched the tin away and stuck the lid back on. “I told you, stay out of my Almond Roca.” “Geez, I just wanted one.” “I don’t share my Almond Roca. There are chips in the kitchen. Eat those. Or ice cream in the freezer.” “Damn, you’re such a selfish prick sometimes.” Toby raised a carefully shaped eyebrow. “Next time buy your own.” Kirk grimaced. “It’s not like they stopped making it, you know. You can buy more.” 2

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Narrowing his eyes, Toby opened the container, fished out a gold wrapped English toffee and threw it at Kirk’s head. “And they say I’m dramatic. But that’s it, you get no more.” Kirk smiled. “What look were you going for?” Tugging his bottom lip with his teeth, Toby walked back into his closet. “Well, the truth is, I wanted to look less…flamboyant.” Kirk appeared in the closet doorway. He leaned against it. “You do know Lucas has a girlfriend, right?” “I know that. Melinda.” “Melissa,” Kirk corrected. “Whatever. I’m not going to the filming to score with Lucas.” “Even though you know he’s bisexual?” Kirk asked. “Yes, even then. I’m not a home wrecker. I just want to see the show ’cause I like it.” Toby sighed, completely disappointed with his closet. “When you say less flamboyant, what do you mean?” He eyed the array of colors in Toby’s closet. Toby stared at Kirk for a second, wondering exactly how to put this without his friend making fun of him. He was so not in the mood for that. “I want to appear normal.” “Normal how?” He rolled his eyes and waved his hands. “Straight.” Kirk’s jaw dropped. “Oh, stop bugging your eyes out, meanie. I can be straight.” “Tob, do you see what you’re wearing right now?” “This is in the comfort of my own home,” he said. “But Lucas knows you’re gay.” “I know that, but this is a studio. I don’t want to embarrass him or anyone, so I figured if they are nice enough to have me there, I could be straight.” 3

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Kirk crossed his arms. “You aren’t embarrassing. Why should you have to change yourself for them?” “Please, don’t pretend people don’t stare at me sometimes like I’ve grown two heads. I know they do.” “Well—” Toby waved his hands in dismissal. “It’s just for a day. I’ll make my hair look flat and boring and go without makeup and wear neutral colors.” “All right.” His friend nodded. “But, even if you dress the part, um, Tob, you…er…well, if you open your mouth they might guess.” He frowned. “I can talk like a straight guy.” “Let’s hear it,” Kirk urged. Toby rolled his eyes, but went along with it. “Hot damn! That chick is fucking hot!” Kirk blinked. “Did-did you say fucking?” He felt his face go flaming hot. “Yeah.” “But you think it’s crass and trashy.” “I still do but straight guys use it all the time.” “Well, sure, but I don’t know if it sounds quite right coming from you. Stick to the hot damn and the chick is hot,” Kirk suggested. “If you say so.” Toby turned his attention back to his closet. “I suppose I’ll wear jeans. Everyone wears those anyway.” He grabbed a pair of his favorite. He guessed some people might find it strange he even kept his jeans on hangers, but well, he hated wrinkles. “No, not those.” Kirk yanked the hanger out of his hand. “Those are the ones that look painted on your bubble butt, aren’t they?” 4

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Toby smiled. “Yeah.” “If you are really determined not to stand out as gay at the studio then trust me, those aren’t the ones to wear.” “Oh, right. Straight men wear those baggy ones that fall off their asses and show their…er…unmentionables.” He blushed, unable to bring himself to speak the word “crack.” So, okay, he was a total dork. Fortunately, Kirk had become quite used to his eccentricities. Kirk sorted through his jeans and handed a pair to Toby. “Try these.” “Those? I’ve been meaning to throw these away. They’re too big for me.” “Yup. Perfect.” Kirk glanced at the shirts on the other side of the closet and pointed at one. “How about that blue one.” Toby glared at him. “That is not blue it is aqua.” His friend smiled. “Aqua, then.” He pulled the shirt out and assessed it. “I don’t know. I suppose it’s better than some of the others.” “Exactly, and you don’t have time to go pick something out at a store.” Toby waved a hand dismissively. “Wait for me out in the living room.” “All right, but hurry, I’m supposed to go have lunch with Elijah.” He pulled on the jeans but decided they were so baggy he needed a belt. Unfortunately the only belts he had happened to be adorned with rhinestones. Well, that couldn’t be that different than the ones cowboys wore with horseshoes and the like, so he went with the belt. Then he couldn’t decide whether to tuck in his buttoned down aqua shirt or leave it out. Tucked in looked too 5

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horrible and he just couldn’t do it, even if a straight man would. Taking off his Turbie Twist to reveal his still damp hair, he studied the crayon yellow mass critically. Normally he would spend hours fixing it in a you-know-you-want-me style. But now he just combed it flat and grimaced. He reached for his blush and lip gloss and then his hand froze. He would be sans makeup. You aren’t trying to attract Lucas. And he really wasn’t. Sure, Lucas was drop dead gorgeous. He’d been watching the guy’s detective show even before meeting him in person, briefly, at the hospital after Kirk’s and Elijah’s bus accident. He’d even checked out Lucas’s website so he knew the guy was bisexual and had a girlfriend. So Toby had a teensy tiny crush on the man. He had no intention of acting on it while Lucas had said girlfriend. Toby rolled his eyes at his own appearance and left his bedroom. He’d wasted enough time. *

*

*

Forty minutes later or so, Toby approached the studio visitor’s parking lot. Having no idea how long he would be allowed to watch the show or even how long they filmed for the day, Toby had taken the night off at his job as a stripper at a West Hollywood gay club. He usually worked only four nights a week, but the money was good enough to allow him a decent apartment in the San Fernando Valley. His act was popular enough to earn him really great tips, too. And a few pain in the butt customers who thought they should get something else from him other than a show. Dream on. 6

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He pulled his little green Mazda up to the guard’s station and waited for the guard to acknowledge him. The guy was beefy and black and talking into a walkie-talkie. Eventually, the man looked at Toby, his expression blank. “Uh, hi, I’m here to see the filming of Harrow’s Eyes. I’m a guest of Lucas Cartwright’s. My name is Tobias Sherwood,” he said, trying to deepen his voice. The guard said nothing and looked at a clipboard. Toby smiled and cleared his throat. “Park in lot C.” The arm lifted indicating Toby could continue. He found the right lot and pulled into a spot. His foot slipped off the brake and his car made a sickening thud on the pole in front of the space. Toby winced and closed his eyes. Crud, you’re driving, stupid. He opened his eyes and stopped the car before he did more damage. “Well, isn’t that just great,” he said aloud. After he got out he went around to inspect the damage but other than a little yellow paint, it didn’t look any worse than the dents he’d put there before. In fact, if he didn’t mention it to anyone, maybe they’d not notice. He already had a bad driving reputation amongst his friends. Toby found his way to another guard’s station to ask for directions. After that guard confirmed his name was on the list, he was sent off to a filming lot where a tall, skinny man stopped him. While looking down his nose at Toby. “Stay over here, please.” The man indicated a barricade. Toby could see in the distance Lucas Cartwright and the Hispanic actor, Miguel Martinez, who played his partner on the show, in the middle of a scene. He wished he had a better view. “Can’t I move closer?” 7

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“Were you cleared by security?” “Two guards let me in,” Toby said patiently. “Were you searched?” “Well, no, but I don’t have anything.” The man sniffed. “So you say. Do you have ID with you?” Toby nodded and produced his driver’s license. Of course the picture was hideous and in it he’d worn makeup and his hair had been dyed black at the time. Frowning, the man eyed the license and then Toby. “This doesn’t look like you at all.” “But it is me, promise.” “I’ll send Mr. Cartwright over when he’s done with the scene. In the meantime, I’ll have a guard search you.” “Okay.” The man stepped away and approached a big muscular guy in a security uniform. The security guard glanced his way and shrugged. After a few more minutes of conversation the guard approached Toby. “I’m afraid I have to search you for weapons,” the guard said with an apologetic smile. “That’s all right.” After the brief search, the guard wandered back to where he was, giving a curt nod to the tall skinny guy. Toby was left standing on the side viewing the scene from afar for quite some time. Close to an hour. When he heard the director end the scene, he watched Lucas walk, not toward him, but toward an exotic-looking dark-haired woman. His insides flipped watching Lucas smile at the woman—Lucas had a beautiful smile—and then, as Toby continued to stare, the woman embraced Lucas and they shared a brief kiss. On the lips. 8

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Oh. Toby looked away. It wasn’t that he was jealous or bothered watching Lucas with his girlfriend, he knew the man had one, after all. But he supposed it was rather rude to gawk at them. “Excuse me?” Toby turned back to see that Lucas had approached him. His heartbeat sped up, even though he told it not to. Lucas was the epitome of movie star handsome. Tall, dark and handsome with perfect white teeth and deep sapphire eyes. The only flaw Toby could see, if it could be considered a flaw, was a teensy mole to the right of his lips. The other flaw, of course, was that Lucas had a girlfriend. “Lucas, hi,” Toby said brightly. Lucas frowned. “They told me you were someone here to see the show filmed and that I invited you. Do I know you?” Oh. Oh. Geez. His excitement officially plummeted. His heart finally listened and stopped beating hard in his chest. Lucas didn’t even remember him. He blinked, looking away for just a moment, gathering himself. When he thought he could speak without sounding like a dork, Toby looked back at Lucas. “I’m Toby Sherwood. Like the forest.” Lucas suddenly smiled. “Oh, right. Kirk’s friend. Tobias from the hospital. I’m sorry. It just took me a moment.” He nodded, resisting the urge to bite his bottom lip. He didn’t want to show any sign of vulnerability. “That’s all right, I know I look different from the last time you saw me.” “You definitely do.” Toby wondered if Lucas thought that was good or bad. It was hard to tell with actors. They were always faking. “I did call to say 9

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I was coming.” “I’m sure, but the show publicist handles all that.” Of course he knew that, but somehow he expected Lucas to be aware he was coming. Now he felt like a complete loser. And to think he had felt special. Idiot. “I won’t keep you from filming, I guess.” Lucas shook his head. “Actually, I was about to go have lunch. You can leave your car here. I’ll drive.” “You-you want me to come with you?” Toby asked, knowing he sounded a bit stupid. “Of course. Aren’t you hungry?” “Yeah.” “All right, then, come on, Tobias. My treat.”

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CHAPTER 2 Lucas wondered how he could have forgotten Tobias Sherwood. True he had gotten crazy busy lately and true Toby didn’t quite look the same as he had when Lucas met him at the hospital during his brother’s stay. Sitting across from the man at a secluded little booth in the back of a French bistro Lucas frequented, the day came alive with just Toby’s presence. Suddenly even the red of the bistro’s menu seemed to become more vibrant. Everything came into startling sharp focus. The very day vibrated with energy. All because of the sexy, hot man across from him. Toby hadn’t said much since Lucas had invited him to lunch. He suspected he’d hurt the younger man’s feelings by not remembering him. Just now Toby’s gaze, the most amazing hazel 11

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Lucas had ever seen, remained on the menu. For a moment, Lucas stared at him while pretending to decide on his meal. He already knew what he wanted. He always chose the same salad. The brass yellow hair lay flat on Toby’s head, not quite the fashionable do Lucas recalled from the hospital, but there was no mistaking the high cheekbones dusted with a few freckles and a touch of pink. Long, curly lashes shielded those hazel eyes. A small pert nose just turned up at the end added to the absurd adorableness that was Toby. And those plump, pursed lips tempted Lucas to sink his teeth into them. Oh, yeah, the slim, gorgeous man was Lucas’s type. Hell, he suspected Toby would be anyone’s type. “What are you thinking of having?” he asked. “Oh, um, the French Onion soup. I think.” Lucas smiled. “It’s quite good here.” Toby nodded and put his menu down. “Melinda didn’t want to go to lunch with you?” “Who?” “Your girlfriend.” “Melissa,” Lucas said, reaching for his seltzer water with lime. “Yeah, her. I think I saw you with her on the set.” He nodded. “Yeah, she’s a production assistant for another show that films on the lot.” “That how you met?” “It is. She had work to do.” The truth was things weren’t going well with the two of them and Lucas suspected they’d be breaking up sooner rather than later. It was basically who broke up with who though. Neither of them were satisfied. Of course all of that, including the fact he and Melissa had stopped having sex at least a month ago, was far too personal for 12

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him to reveal to someone he barely knew. “So, are you a student?” Toby shook his head. “No. I decided long ago school wasn’t really for me. I finished high school, but wasn’t really interested in college.” The waitress came and took their order of French Onion soup for Toby and Lucas’s orange, pecans, and field greens salad with light dressing. “What do you do then?” Toby mumbled something. “What?” He sighed. “I’m a stripper at a club in West Hollywood. Lonnie’s.” Lucas blinked. Yeah, he could see Toby being hired as a stripper. The man exuded sex appeal. He cleared his throat. “How long have you been doing that?” “A few years now.” His mind went straight to the gutter, thinking about Toby tearing off clothes, revealing his perfect pale skin and body. His rounded ass. Lucas took a sip of his water. “What do you dress as?” “Different things,” Toby said, looking vaguely surprised. “A cop and a fireman. My most popular one is an angel.” Lucas fought against the erection that image caused. He should not be getting aroused by Toby. Even if he and Melissa were on the way out, it wasn’t right. But, damn, he was only human. “An angel?” he murmured, adjusting the way he sat in the booth, hoping to relieve the tightening in his pants. Toby nodded, smiling a little. “It’s actually pretty cool. I come down on strings all dressed like a regular angel, all in white. The 13

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wings are sort of iridescent. As I descend to the stage, I pull at my costume and the white turns to black like I’m a fallen angel. I wear sparkly makeup all over my face and lips so I look almost shimmery. Then I do my dance and take off bits of my costume until I’m left wearing just a black and white G-string. It’s very popular as I said.” His mouth dry, his cock so hard he was going to get a serious case of blue balls, Lucas struggled for nonchalance. “I’ll just bet it is.” “I have a stage name of course. All the performers do.” Lucas was ready to pour his seltzer water over his crotch. “What’s your stage name?” Toby turned a dark shade of red. “Joey Flamingo.” He laughed before he could stop himself. Toby turned even redder if possible. “Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. I know those stage names are always a bit absurd.” “Yeah, I didn’t choose it, actually. The owner of the club did.” The waitress appeared with their food and Lucas covered the bulge in his pants with his napkin. “Anyway, when we get back to the studio,” Lucas said, “we’ll be filming a few more scenes. I don’t know how late we’ll go so feel free to leave whenever you like. Or stay until we’re finished. Up to you. It can get pretty tedious.” “I took the night off so I didn’t have to worry about work, so I might stay until it’s done, if you don’t mind.” Lucas stabbed into his salad and wondered how he could manage to see Toby again without it seeming like a date. He couldn’t date Toby or anyone until he and Melissa ended things. “You don’t work every night, do you?” “No, only four nights a week.” 14

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“Which nights?” Lucas asked, trying to be casual. “Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. We all work Fridays and Saturdays. That’s the busiest nights. The club’s closed Sundays and Mondays and I get Tuesdays off as well.” “I’m having a barbecue Sunday,” Lucas said, having decided he would that exact moment. “Maybe you and Kirk and Elijah could all come. Nothing fancy probably. Hamburgers and hot dogs. What do you say?” Toby smiled his first full smile and it was simply so breathtaking Lucas couldn’t have looked away if the restaurant had been on fire. Toby had small white, beautiful teeth and the hint of dimples in the corners of his mouth. “I’d really like that.” Lucas mentally patted himself on the back for coming up with a way to get to see Toby without it being a date. “Will Melinda be there?” Toby asked. “Melissa. And I’m not sure. We don’t live together.” Lucas supposed he should ask her. For a while things had gone great for them and Lucas even thought, briefly, she might be the one he’d possibly spend the rest of his life with. But little by little they began to wear on each other until now, really, he thought each of them was just waiting for the other to end it. “Lucas?” “Hmm?” “Are you all right?” Toby frowned. He smiled. “Of course. How’s your soup?” “Really good. And your salad?” “Excellent as usual.” *

* 15

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“Who’s the dweeb?” “Excuse me?” Lucas scowled at his co-star, Miguel Martinez. The man had glanced Toby’s way. Toby had been given permission to move a bit closer to the filming though he was still safely on the sidelines. “That guy over there with the yellow hair.” “He’s not a dweeb.” Miguel shrugged. “He looks gay.” Fixing Miguel with his best stone glare, Lucas said, “So?” “Whatever. Just wondering who he is.” “He’s a friend who wanted to see us film the show.” Miguel fished a cigarette pack out of the back pocket of his pants and shook out a cigarette. “Got a light?” “I don’t smoke.” “Jesus, you’re such a pain in the ass,” Miguel declared before moving away to harass someone else. Lucas grimaced. He hated Miguel. Truly hated him. He was a big pain in the ass and if Lucas had his way he’d be replaced for the next season of the show. He’d already been in talks with the show’s producers about a new partner for Pete Harrow, Lucas’s character on the show. Perhaps Miguel’s character could go out in a hail of bullets. Or perhaps a nice explosion. That definitely improved his mood and put a big smile on his face. They finished filming at about seven that night and Lucas stopped to talk to his director for several minutes. By the time he was done, he noticed Toby had left. He’d talked to Toby a couple times during breaks but they’d not had long conversations since Lucas had a busy schedule. Still he had hoped maybe to talk to the younger man after filming ended. 16

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At least he’d be at Lucas’s house for the barbecue he had to plan now. And maybe he could even go to Lonnie’s and inconspicuously watch Toby’s performance one of these nights soon. “Lucas.” Melissa, all dark-haired beauty, approached him with a tentative smile. She had pulled up her dark brown hair and piled it on top of her head in a sort of sloppy bun. Around her neck she wore one of those glasses leashes, attached to which was a pair of pink horn-rimmed glasses. Her knit jersey dress was a becoming shade of red. She was still one of the sexiest women Lucas had ever known. “Hey, Liss.” He embraced her. “How was the show for you today?” “I’m exhausted and my feet are killing me,” she admitted. “You wanted to see me after the show?” Lucas swallowed. He’d sent the message over after lunch intending to invite her for the barbecue, but since then, he’d decided maybe it was time to stop pretending. For both their sakes. It wasn’t going to be easy. “Yeah, maybe we could have dinner together?” But Melissa was studying him, perhaps too closely. “What is it, Lucas?” “Over dinner.” She shook her head. “This is about us, isn’t it?” Lucas sighed. “Yes.” “I figured. I don’t need a fancy dinner to tell me it’s over, Lucas.” She smiled sadly. “I’ve known you were pulling away from me for a while.” Pain laced his chest. He did care so much for her, but not the 17

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way he should. He knew that. “I’m sorry.” It sounded so inadequate even to him. “Me, too.” She exhaled. “But also relieved.” “Relieved?” Melissa gave him a quick kiss. “We’ve been dancing around this for a while. We both know it. I could blame it all on you, but the truth is my heart hasn’t been in it either. I care about you, Lucas, and I always will. But…I don’t love you.” He nodded and grabbed her hand, squeezing it. “I know. And I feel the same about you.” “You still want to have dinner?” “I’m starving,” he admitted. She hooked her arm in his. “Let’s go get something to eat. My treat.”

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CHAPTER 3 “The crowd is huge tonight, Toby,” Lonnie told him, coming up behind Toby as he stared at himself in the mirror. Toby reached for his makeup. “It’s Saturday, it’s always busy.” Lonnie was a middle-aged balding man who was actually one of the nicest guys Toby had ever known. He and his long-time partner, Tom, had owned the club for years. “Yes, but this one is even bigger than usual. Must be the buyone-get-one coupons we offered on our website,” Lonnie speculated, rubbing his hands together. Toby smiled. “That could be.” “I was thinking—” He raised a sculpted eyebrow. “Uh oh. Should I be worried?” 19

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“No, no. I just want you to do the angel act tonight.” Toby frowned. “Tonight? I was supposed to only do the cop and fireman tonight.” “I know and I love those acts, Toby, but you and I both know everyone loves your angel. You get more tips, don’t you?” “Well, yeah,” he said. Lonnie smiled. “I have to tell you that I’m getting more compliments about you all the time, Toby. You’re in the top five of my most popular dancers.” His face flamed. “Well, okay. You want me to do the cop and the fireman first and then the angel?” His boss beamed. “That’s my boy. I knew I could count on you. It’s going to be great, you’ll see.” Lonnie hurried away to see to something else and Toby finished applying his makeup and got ready for his first routine. Doing all three of his routines would make for a more strenuous night, but he couldn’t deny he liked the angel routine. He’d only been doing it Friday nights up until Lonnie had just asked him to do it tonight. Another performer, Mickey, came in the dressing room, slicked with sweat and wearing a robe. The stagehands always waited on the sidelines with robes to cover the dancers when they finished their routine. His face was flushed red. “Wow, that was intense,” Mickey declared. The tall, muscular brunet grabbed a water bottle from inside the mini-fridge they had in the dressing room and then plopped down in a lounge chair next to Toby. “Enthusiastic crowd?” Toby patted the stage makeup on his face with a sponge. “Animals,” Mickey muttered, using a hand towel to wipe his 20

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forehead. “Oh, and fair warning, that old guy is here. Um, Richardson? And he’s already three sheets to the wind.” Toby grimaced. “Bad?” “Right in the front row, too. He tried to put a five in my Gstring and before the bouncer could come over his hand dipped in and groped my cock.” “Oh, God, and the bouncer didn’t toss him out?” Mickey shrugged. “He’s a good customer. Alan just warned him and he claimed he didn’t mean anything. Just warning you, Toby. Try to stay away from him if you can.” “For sure.” Later, Toby got ready for the angel act. So far he’d been able to avoid any contact with Richardson, but Toby knew from past performances the angel was a favorite of the old drunk from the tips he received. He finished applying the under layer of makeup and then applied the shimmer. When that was finished, he fixed his hair and put on his costume. Another dancer came in, this one a black guy whose real name was Bart. He waved and went straight to the back area behind the makeup mirrors to the bathroom. Toby heard the shower being turned on. And that meant Joey Flamingo’s angel was up next. *

*

*

Lucas sat in the back of the club waiting for Toby to come out for a third routine. He’d heard from the whisperings at the other tables that Joey Flamingo might come out in the angel costume. From the way Toby had described the act, Lucas couldn’t wait to see the performance. He’d been hard as a fucking rock since Toby’s first act as the 21

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hottest damn cop in leather he’d ever seen. Lucas didn’t even know why he’d ended up coming to Lonnie’s. Well, that wasn’t true entirely. He’d wanted to see Toby strip. But he had to be discreet about it. Actors had to be careful, and though Lucas wasn’t a movie star, he usually ended up being recognized from his cable television show most places he went. Since he hoped some day to end up starring in a network television show, he didn’t want to take too many chances. Being seen at a gay strip club wouldn’t be the wisest thing he’d ever done. He was clear about his bisexuality on his website, but he’d also been dating a woman up until just a couple of days ago. Years ago, Lucas had been to a strip joint, but those dancers had been women. He found himself completely enamored of Toby as he strutted and gyrated to the music. But at the same time he couldn’t deny a twinge of anger…jealousy maybe, knowing all the other men in the club wanted Toby as much as he did. The lights dimmed and the crowd hushed except for a few whoops. Soft harps and violins played from the club’s sound system as mirrored balls reflected flashing lights. A white angel flew down from the rafters to thunderous applause before a breathless hush once more descended. Lucas swallowed, his pulse racing as Toby dressed in shimmery white with translucent wings lowered from some kind of string contraption. His yellow hair had been styled almost as a halo around his face and his pale face had a sort of silvery glow. Just as Toby’s bare feet had nearly touched the stage, he yanked at a piece of his costume and it flipped to all black. Lucas caught his breath and the crowd seemed to give a collective gasp as the angelic music suddenly changed to hard, pounding, bass heavy 22

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rock music. Toby unhooked the contraption that had lowered him to the floor. The crowd cheered as his hips began to sway to the energetic music. Whistles and catcalls greeted each gyration and each removal of a part of his costume. Lucas gripped the edge of the table, his gaze riveted as Toby turned to wiggle his ass. His mouth went dry and his cock became so painful he could barely resist taking it out to stroke it. He knew that masturbating oneself in the club was forbidden. Toby whipped off another part of his costume, flinging it into the crowd, then turned to face them once more. He removed more and more parts of his costume, and Lucas knew he and the other audience members were salivating. After a few more minutes, Toby pulled off the last of his costume to reveal himself wearing only his G-string, half black and half white. The wings were still affixed to his back as he turned once more to show the crowd his bare round ass. Holy Fucking Hell. Lucas couldn’t remember wanting anyone as much as he wanted Toby right then. The animal lust nearly made him lightheaded. Toby made his way to the right stairs leading off the stage to perform directly for the front row. Lucas clenched his fists, wanting to smash in the faces of every single man there as they slipped Toby dollar bills. The rules of the club were that the men could only hand the tips to the performer, not actually touch him, and especially not touch the dancer’s G-string as Lucas had seen some asshole do earlier that night to another performer. The bouncer hovered on the sidelines, eyes watching the men carefully. 23

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Toby kept up his sexy gyrations, taking the tips as he went along the row. Lucas noticed the same old man who’d touched the other stripper holding out money for Toby to take. Toby reached for the tip while glancing at the bouncer, who moved closer. Lucas watched carefully but the man made no move to accost Toby as he moved quickly through the rest of the row, and back onto the stage where he did a few last moves before the lights went black. *

*

*

Toby walked out of the shower, rubbing his freshly washed hair. Wearing only a towel wrapped around his waist, he started to walk out of the bathroom when voices in the dressing room made him pause. “I’ll give you money,” a man said. “Mr. Richardson, we don’t allow lap dances at Lonnie’s,” Lonnie said. Toby inhaled, his heart racing frantically. “Five hundred dollars. For just an hour with Joey Flamingo.” “Mr. Richardson, we do not do that here at Lonnie’s. Our performers are not whores. What you suggest is illegal and I don’t run my club that way.” Richardson laughed. “Right. I understand. No one needs to know. We’ll keep it private between just us.” “No, we will not.” Lonnie sounded furious. “You aren’t listening, Mr. Richardson. I do not pimp out my boys. If you cannot follow the rules here I suggest you seek out another club. Any more such rule violations and I’ll be forced to have the bouncers keep you from the club.” “That won’t be necessary,” Mr. Richardson replied, his tone 24

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cold. “Perhaps I could speak privately to the performer myself then.” “Not on my premises, sir. Now, if you’ll follow Alan out, he’ll escort you to the front door. We don’t allow customers backstage.” “I need to take care of my bill.” “We’ve comped your drinks tonight, Mr. Richardson. Have a good night.” Toby let out his held breath. “It’s all right, Toby, you can come out now, the bastard is gone,” Lonnie said from the dressing room. Sighing, Toby walked into the main part of the room. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overhear.” Lonnie smiled. “It wasn’t your fault. That man is a sleaze. He’s becoming a real problem with all the dancers. He has taken a particular liking to you though.” “I don’t know why.” Toby went to retrieve his gym bag where he kept his street clothes. It had been a long night. His boss laughed. “You’re gorgeous and he’s a dirty old man. Don’t worry. I’m going to talk to Tom when he gets back from the business trip. I’m going to suggest not allowing him into the club anymore.” “I don’t want to cause any trouble.” Toby dressed in his jeans and bright pink T-shirt quickly, wanting to get out of there and home as soon as possible. For the next three nights he was off and tomorrow he would see Lucas again at his barbecue. He was really looking forward to that. “You aren’t, Toby. Make sure you get Alan to walk you out to your car. Good night.” “Night, Lonnie.” 25

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CHAPTER 4 Lucas felt elated when he watched Toby get out of the backseat of Kirk’s sedan, which he’d parked directly in front of Lucas’s house. Kirk and Lucas’s brother, Elijah, also got out of the car, but at that moment he only had eyes for the man with the bright, shocking yellow hair. He hadn’t been able to get the sexy as sin stripper out of his mind since he’d seen him dance the night before. Well, really he’d gone to Lonnie’s last night because he’d been thinking about Toby since he’d come to watch the show being filmed. Today, Toby wore jeans so tight they might have been a second skin and a lime green T-shirt sucked onto his chest. From what he could see as the trio approached his door, on Toby’s feet were a pair of lime green Vans. His bright yellow hair had been styled as 26

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though Toby was a runway model, and plum blush dusted his cheeks. His full lips were covered with clear lip-gloss. Lucas had never been particularly attracted to men who wore makeup, but he couldn’t tear his gaze away from Toby. He was mesmerized. He stood aside to let them inside his house, never once looking away from Toby. The young man even smelled like vanilla. “I admit,” Elijah said as they entered his living room, “I don’t remember you being one for impromptu get-togethers.” “Hmm?” Lucas’s gaze strayed to Toby’s ass. Elijah poked him in the ribs, a scowl on his face. “What’s up with you?” He blinked and looked at his brother. He pointed to his brother’s glasses. “You have a smudge on the left lens.” His brother removed his glasses and rubbed the hem of his shirt on them. “Where’s Melissa?” “We…we’re not together anymore.” “Since when?” He shrugged. “A few days ago. We broke up.” Elijah frowned. “Wow, I’m sorry.” “It’s all right. It was a long time coming.” He smiled, trying not to openly stare at the object of his growing infatuation. “What can I get you to drink? I’ve got beer, wine, iced tea and soda.” “Beer,” Kirk said immediately. “Iced tea for me,” Elijah said. “I agreed to drive everyone home.” Toby tilted his head as though he were thinking. “What kind of wine?” “Why don’t you come into the kitchen and help me and I’ll show you?” Lucas suggested. “Eej, you and Kirk can go have a 27

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seat on the patio.” His brother stared at him a moment, looking like he wanted to say something, but then shook his head. “All right. Come on, Kirk.” Lucas put his hand on Toby’s arm and directed him into the kitchen. Just touching the warm, bare skin sent a jolt of lust through him. He’d have to get control of himself, at least in front of Elijah and his boyfriend Kirk. “So,” Lucas said, “I have chardonnay, pinot noir, white zinfandel—” “Wait. Say no more. The white zin, please.” Toby smiled. “It tastes like punch.” Lucas laughed, trying not to drool over the man’s adorable smile. “Coming right up.” He glanced at Toby as he reached into the fridge for the bottle of wine and filled a glass. “Now you look more like you did at the hospital the first time I saw you.” Toby blushed. “Um, yeah, I guess I do. A bit much?” “Hell, no. You’re gorgeous.” “Thanks,” Toby said uncertainly. “I’m serious, Toby. You’re one of the hottest guys I’ve ever seen. How come you looked so different when you came to the set?” Toby crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Are you saying I wasn’t hot then?” He laughed. “No, your hotness couldn’t help but shine through, but I have to admit I like this look a lot better.” “Hmm. All right.” Toby grinned. “I thought I might embarrass you a bit if I came in all Full Toby.” “Full Toby?” he asked, amused. “Uh-huh. Some guys think, well, that I’m a little too…er—” 28

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“Flamboyant?” Toby chuckled. “Fruity.” “Well, those guys are idiots,” Lucas said. He poured his brother’s iced tea and grabbed a bottle of beer for Kirk. “Toby, I went to Lonnie’s last night.” “You did?” Toby’s hazel eyes were as big as saucers. He nodded. “I really wanted to see you take your clothes off. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since you mentioned it when we had lunch.” “And? What did you think?” Lucas found himself standing in front of Toby, who was leaning against the kitchen counter. He inched closer, not wanting any space between them. “I almost came watching you.” Toby’s breath hitched and he licked his lips, his gaze meeting Lucas’s. “I bet you hear that all the time.” “I do,” Toby agreed. “But I’ve never heard it from you.” Lucas ducked his head until his lips were just an inch from Toby’s. “You’re the most beautiful angel I’ve ever seen.” “That says a lot coming from someone famous like you.” He grinned, unable to stop himself from doing a bit of preening. “Famous? I wouldn’t say that. Maybe well-known?” “Definitely. Millions of people watch your show every week. Including me.” Lucas brushed his lips softly over Toby’s. “I want you, Toby.” Toby shook his head. “Just because I’m a stripper doesn’t mean I’m easy.” His thumb grazing over Toby’s full bottom lip, Lucas laughed. “Oh, believe me, sweetheart, I don’t think there’s anything easy about you.” 29

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“Lots of guys seem to think if you’re a stripper that equals slut.” “Lots of guys are idiots. I don’t care what they think,” Lucas said. “I want to see you. Take you to dinner, the movies, wherever you want to go, Toby. I’m not going to pretend I’m not desperate to get you into bed, but I can take things as slow as you want. I haven’t been able to stop thinking of you since you walked onto that set. Please, let me take you out.” Toby was quiet before he blurted, “I’m sorry about your girlfriend.” He smiled. “Thanks. Actually, we broke up the same day you came to the set.” “Oh, wow.” Lucas took his hand. “I think you are the hottest, sexiest thing I’ve seen in a really long time, but you had nothing to do with my breakup with Melissa. It was going to happen anyway. Okay?” Toby nodded. “Okay.” “So you’ll let me take you out?” “Yep. But keep in mind, I never said I wasn’t high maintenance.” Toby winked, grabbed his wineglass from the counter in one hand and Kirk’s beer and left Lucas standing in the kitchen. *

*

*

“So, you’ve known Toby since you were kids?” Lucas asked Kirk while munching on a hamburger. The four of them sat around the patio table in the backyard. “Yep.” Kirk nodded. “I know all his secrets.” Toby snorted. “You wish.” 30

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Lucas smiled. “Tell me what he was like. I bet he was cute and graceful.” Kirk burst out laughing. “Toby? How many beers have you had there, Luc?” “Oh, hush.” Toby kicked Kirk. “I know he’s graceful. I went and watched him at Lonnie’s last night.” Elijah choked on a sip of iced tea. “You went to a gay strip joint?” “Hey,” Toby said, arching a shaped brow. “What’s wrong with that?” “Nothing, I just didn’t think Lucas would ever go to one.” “Well, I did, and Toby was spectacular. The best performer in the show,” Lucas said. “Thank you,” Toby said sweetly. “Welcome.” Kirk chuckled. “That’s the only way Toby is graceful is when he’s dancing and stripping. Otherwise he’s the biggest klutz you’ve ever seen.” “Shut up.” But Kirk only rolled his eyes. “How many times have you crashed your car into something?” Toby shrugged. “A few.” “A few hundred.” Kirk smirked. “Anyway, that only makes me a bad driver not a klutz.” “Uh-huh. What about the time when your mama was having a tea party and you were helping her?” “Oh, my God, you are not going to mention that.” Toby’s voice went up an octave. Kirk ignored him. “Toby was fifteen and had already come out 31

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to his family. They were really cool about it. Anyway, his mama decided she wanted a tea party in the spring for Toby’s grandmother’s birthday. I think she was a hundred or something.” “Seventy-five,” Toby grumbled. “Right. Toby decided to dress for tea.” Lucas blinked. “Dress for tea?” “With a big floppy lavender hat and matching dress.” Elijah gasped. “You never told me Toby is a cross-dresser.” “Because I’m not,” Toby insisted. “Just once in a while.” “So, Toby came to the tea looking better than most of the ladies present,” Kirk said. Toby smiled. “Well, that is true.” “Damn, I wish I’d seen it.” Lucas grinned. “High heels even. Which with Toby can be a disaster.” “Didn’t I already tell you to hush?’ Toby’s cheeks were bright pink under the plum blush. “The story is cute,” Kirk insisted. Lucas felt a tiny twinge of jealousy. At that moment he wished he’d been the one to know Toby most of his life. Still, he was glad to be hearing about it. “His mama gave him the task of pouring tea at his two elderly aunts’ table and their two equally old friends.” His eyes widened. “Don’t tell me he spilled hot tea on them?” Kirk shook his head. “Fortunately for them they’d requested iced tea ’cause it was unusually warm that day. He approached the table with a full pitcher of raspberry iced tea and picked that moment to fall off the heels he could barely walk in and flung the pitcher at them. The lid came off and doused them all in dark red tea.” Lucas, Elijah and Kirk all laughed, but Toby stuck his tongue 32

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out. Kirk reached over and patted Toby’s shoulder. “Toby’s a great dancer, but in high school he tried out for a musical and tried to sing. He sings like a frog!” The man in question threw down his napkin and glared at his friend. “I may sing like a frog, but at least I don’t look like one.” Lucas grinned. Elijah sighed. “They’re always like this.” He rose. “Well, as much fun as this is, I should get the table cleared. Did anyone want anything else?” “Nah, I’m good,” Kirk said and the other two agreed. Toby got up, too. “I’ll help you.” *

*

*

Later after they’d played a game of Trivial Pursuit, which Elijah won, the three men got up to leave. Lucas wished he could think of a way to get Toby to stay but he didn’t want to put pressure on the younger man, so he just walked them to the door. “Hey, can you guys give me a minute with Toby? There’s something I want to talk to him about,” Lucas said as he opened the front door. Elijah frowned, but nodded. “We’ll wait outside.” When Lucas had closed the door, he turned to Toby. “What did you want to talk to me about?” “This.” He pushed Toby against the nearest wall and covered the young stripper’s lips with his. He meant to only give those lips a brief kiss, but once he tasted Toby he couldn’t bring himself to pull back. He deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue inside, holding Toby’s arms above his head. 33

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Toby whimpered, his mouth softening beneath Lucas’s, his tongue tangling with his. Lucas’s cock rose hard and aching against the tight constraints of his pants. He needed to stop this now, but he didn’t want to. And then Toby stiffened. Lucas released him at once. “Sorry, got carried away.” He offered an apologetic smile. “I did say I’d take things slow and here I am manhandling you.” Toby shook his head, his lips curving deliciously. “No, it’s okay. I loved it. But I should get going.” “Can I see you tomorrow?” “Uh-huh.” “What do you want to do?” Lucas asked, thinking how he wanted the man naked, willing, and in his bed. “How about we go ice skating?” “What?” Toby laughed. “There’s a rink in the valley. It’ll be fun.” He frowned doubtfully. “You know how to ice skate?” “Nope. You?” “No, then why—” Toby gave him an all too brief peck on the lips. “It’ll be a whole new experience for both of us.” “Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.” “It’ll be okay.” Toby took a scrap of paper out of his pocket. “Got a pen?” Lucas fetched one and handed it to Toby, who wrote down his address and have it to Lucas. “Pick me up at eight tomorrow night.” Toby winked and disappeared through the front door.

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CHAPTER 5 “Oh, my God!” His mother screeched in Toby’s ear. He moved the cell phone away, but it was too late. His ear was ringing. “Mama, please, you just burst my eardrum.” “Tobias, don’t exaggerate.” He frowned and grabbed a red button-down shirt from his closet. “I’m serious, that hurt.” She sighed. “I’m excited!” He touched his sore ear. “I gathered.” “To think my son is dating Lucas Cartwright.” “Well, I’m not dating him, Mama. It’s one date.” “Pish,” she said. “A cute boy like you. You’ll be dating him.” He unbuttoned the first two buttons on the shirt and then pulled it on over his head. “I wouldn’t count on it. He’s a celebrity.” 35

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“I know, I love his show.” “Me, too.” “I thought he was straight,” his mama said. He could hear the banging of pots and pans in the background. “Bisexual.” Toby walked into his bathroom to style his still wet hair. “Oh, that explains it. When do I get to meet him?” “Maybe never. Look, this may be our one and only date. And even if it’s not, we’ll probably go on a handful of dates, we’ll…er…have relations, and then that will be the end of it. The chances of anything long term between us are almost nothing.” “I don’t know why you say that. You’re a beautiful boy.” Toby shrugged and applied eyeliner. “I’ve dated a couple of other bisexual guys and it’s been my experience that if they want a relationship they choose a woman to settle down with. Lucas has dated a lot of women prior to seeing me.” “Well, if he isn’t interested in something more, why did he ask you out?” He rolled his eyes even though his mama couldn’t see him. “Why do you think?” “I don’t know what you mean,” she said primly. Toby opened his makeup drawer and searched amongst his blushes. “He just broke up with a girlfriend so now’s the perfect time to get sex with a guy out of his system for a while before he finds a new woman to date.” “Tobias, you are selling yourself short.” “No, Mama, I’m being realistic.” He’d been burned by guys he really liked too often to have any real hope of anything serious with Lucas. Every guy he’d been with thought Toby was sexy and fun to play around with, but no one ever wanted to have a long36

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term relationship. Not with a stripper. They were just for sex. “Tobias—” “Mama, he’s going to be here any second. I’ll talk to you later.” “Tomorrow. I want to hear all about it, so you’d better call me.” “Yes, all right. ’Night, Mama.” Toby hit end call before she could say anymore. He was adding a few last minute touches to his appearance when the doorbell of his apartment rang. Suddenly his stomach was all aflutter. Stupid butterflies. He flipped his bedroom light off and went through the living room to his front door. His breath caught as soon as he saw Lucas standing on his doorstep looking heartbreakingly handsome. He couldn’t imagine what such a man would see in him. “Hi.” He smiled. Lucas walked inside. “Hi, yourself. You look amazing.” He wrapped his arms around Toby and kissed him. “Mmm. Strawberry-lemonade?” Toby laughed. “Of course. It’s my favorite lip gloss.” Lucas hadn’t released him. Instead he was staring intently into Toby’s eyes. “Are you sure we have to go ice skating? We can stay here.” “Oh.” Toby tried not to feel disappointed. But he’d been through this before. “Um, sure, okay.” “What’s wrong?” “You don’t want to be seen with me, I get it.” Lucas raised an eyebrow. “What? Why wouldn’t I want to be seen with you?” He bit his lip. “Either you think I’m too flamboyant and 37

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therefore embarrassing, or you have a problem being seen with a stripper.” Long fingers raked through his blond hair. “Sweetheart, you’ve been with some real losers. I only meant I would love to have you to myself. I was kidding. Well, half-kidding. I know you want to go ice skating.” “So, it’s okay?” he asked, just to be sure. “More than okay. I have a feeling I’m going to do nothing but fall on my ass, but let’s go.” Toby grinned. “Let me get my coat.” He went to his hall closet and took out his faux rabbit fur-lined leather jacket. After he shrugged into jacket, Lucas reached for his hand. “Shall we?” *

*

*

“Ouch, ouch, ouch,” Toby exclaimed as his derriere once more hit the ice. Lonnie would kill him if he showed up to work Wednesday night with big bruises on his cheeks. Lucas laughed and helped him to stand. “How many times is that?” “I lost count. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all.” Lucas helped him over to the side. “I don’t know, you’re awfully cute all sprawled out on the rink, your cheeks all pinked. I have to say, I’m impressed.” “It can’t be with my skating prowess.” “Um, no. If I had fallen down as many times as you, I would be swearing a blue streak.” Toby felt his face go flaming hot. “Well, the truth is, I try not to curse.” 38

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“You do?” “I’m not saying I never do, but for me it’s rare. I think it makes people…trashy.” Lucas nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind. Toby?” “Yeah?” “I’ve had enough ice skating. Let’s go to the snack shop and get some cocoa or something.” Toby sighed. “Thank God. I was hoping you’d say that.” They moved off the rink and removed their ice skates, returning them to the rental counter, and then headed down to the little snack shop. As they stood in line waiting their turn to order, Toby noticed a family of four at a table near the line. Each time he glanced at them, the family stared and the two kids giggled. After they ordered, the family all waved wildly at Lucas. “You are Lucas Cartwright, aren’t you?” The woman asked. “From Harrow’s Eyes?” Lucas smiled graciously. “Yes, I am.” “Oh, can we have your autograph?” Lucas signed his autographs and chatted with the family for several minutes before finally leading Toby over to a table in the corner of the seating area. “I’m so sorry,” Toby said instantly “For what?” “When you said you wanted to stay in it never occurred to me it might because of that. You’re just so normal I forgot you were a celebrity.” Lucas laughed. “Toby, most celebrities are pretty normal when you get down to it. We’re all people. And I wasn’t concerned about that. Not really.” 39

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“Still, does it happen a lot? People coming up to you?” “A lot of the time,” Lucas admitted. “You get used to it.” Toby sighed and took a sip of his cocoa. “What’s that sigh for?” He bit his lip. “Well, usually when this happens to you, fans see you with some hot woman, right?” “Hmm. Yeah, I suppose. Why?” “I know you’re pretty open about being bisexual on your website, but still, isn’t sleeping with someone the same sex as you still not widely accepted in Hollywood?” Lucas shrugged. “Somewhat I guess.” “I bet your agent or publicist wouldn’t be too thrilled if your picture with the queer was plastered on the nearest magazine.” “Toby.” Lucas shook his head and reached for Toby’s hand. “Don’t worry about all that. I’m here because I want to spend time with you. Stop thinking about who I’ve dated in the past and who you’ve dated in the past. No one else matters right now but the two of us.” Toby realized he sounded vaguely whiney and maybe he really was being silly. “Okay, I know you’re right.” Lucas smiled and tossed his empty coca cup in the nearby trash receptacle. “Shall we?” *

*

*

“Want to come in?” Toby asked, as they approached his apartment door. His heart pounded hard in his chest. It was getting late, he knew, close to midnight, and Lucas probably had to film the show in the morning. Lucas stopped his hand as he went to turn the key in the door. 40

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He reached up to grasp Toby’s chin, forcing their eyes to meet. “I do. If you want to go slow, though, I shouldn’t.” Why did he want to go slow? Oh, yeah, to prove he wasn’t some easy slut. If he let Lucas in tonight he knew they would have sex. And if he had any regrets after, if Lucas was then finished with him, he’d have only himself to blame. But if Lucas only wanted him for sex that wasn’t going to change even if they waited through a month of dates, would it? “Toby?” “Come inside,” he whispered. He fumbled with the key, but got the door open. Once they were both in the apartment, Toby closed and locked the door. “My room’s this way.” Toby bit his lips nervously as he led Lucas down the short hall to the only bedroom. He’d long since ceased to be a virgin, yet tonight he felt like one. Skittish, with his heart beating a fast tattoo against his chest. He wanted this…he did. Ever since he’d met Lucas in the hospital, Toby had dreamed of this. Yet now that the time had come, he was so afraid he’d make the biggest fool of himself. Lucas’s hand rested on his right buttock, sending a powerful jolt of desire straight to his already half-hard cock. Walking through the bedroom doorway, Toby turned to face Lucas. “How about I give you a personal striptease?” Toby licked his lips suggestively. This he knew. This he could be good at. Lucas grinned. “An offer I wouldn’t turn down in a million years.” Toby returned his grin. “Okay, then get naked and wait on the bed for me.” He didn’t wait to see if Lucas would do as he said, he just assumed the man would. He disappeared into the bathroom, grabbing a box of condoms and a bottle of lube. 41

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Running back out to the bedroom, Toby tossed the supplies toward the bed, quickly noticing discarded clothes on the floor by the foot of the bed. He didn’t yet look at Lucas. He wanted to wait, to anticipate. Next he went into his closet. He toed off his shoes, and then found his magenta robe, which he slipped on, and a pair of pink, elbow length satin gloves. After putting those on, Toby located his old portable CD player and chose a Music of the 80s CD from a box in the corner of his closet. He was ready. At the last minute, he grabbed a red feather boa off the top shelf and wrapped that around his neck. He set the CD player on the floor just inside the closet door and turned on the music full blast. His cock had risen to full hardness just thinking of dancing for Lucas. He approached the bed where an incredibly hot, naked man lay. For a moment, instead of doing his stripper act, Toby just stared, his mouth agape. Lucas sat up against the headboard, one leg slightly bent, his dick large, thick and fully erect. His long fingers were curved around the shaft, stroking it. Toby had guessed that under Lucas’s clothes was a gorgeous muscular vision of manliness, and he was not disappointed. Lucas’s chest was broad and muscular and his biceps bulged. His six-pack abs would be the envy of many strippers Toby knew. A devilish smile curved Lucas’s lips and Toby was lost. His gaze dropped to Lucas stroking himself as Toby began to gyrate to the 80s tune currently playing. Grabbing the ends of the boa, he sawed it across his throat, tossing the feathered ends flirtatiously. Lucas chuckled. 42

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Grinning, Toby pulled it from his neck and tossed the feather boa at Lucas, who caught it one-handed. He turned to shimmy his ass, swaying it from side to side. Looking back over his shoulder, Toby pulled off a glove with his teeth. Which earned him a wolf whistle from Lucas. Facing front once more, Toby yanked off the other glove, then slowly lowered the sleeves of the robe. His dick strained against his jeans, begging for relief. Maybe he ought to speed up the act. He slipped the robe off his shoulders and to his feet, pooling in lush soft magenta. Now he was once more only dressed in the clothes he’d worn on their ice skating date. His fingers went to the buttons of his red shirt, his gaze once more fixed on Lucas stroking himself. A drop of pre-cum glistened on the top of Lucas’s cock. “Come on, Toby, you’re stopping,” Lucas urged. He laughed. “Sorry, it’s hard to concentrate when you’re giving me a show of your own.” “Get those clothes off and I’ll give you a show of how I get this in your sweet ass.” Toby rushed through the buttons on his shirt, though being careful not to pop them off as it was an expensive designer shirt. He tossed it to the floor with his robe and then once more gave Lucas a view of his backside. He unfastened his jeans, slid the zipper down and then pushed the pants down his legs until he wore only his boxer briefs. Turning around, he said, “Only with this show I don’t stop at the G-string.” “I definitely hope not,” Lucas growled. “Come here, Toby.” Toby slipped the briefs off, then crawled over to Lucas. The other man grabbed him by the back of the neck and kissed him roughly. He slid his tongue inside Lucas’s warm mouth and was 43

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about to settle across his chest for a long kiss when Lucas flipped him to lie on his back. “Hey,” Toby protested, as Lucas suddenly loomed above him. “Shh,” Lucas whispered. His lips were soft but demanding when they once more covered Toby’s. Though he was no slut, Toby had not lacked for sexual partners since his first lover when he was sixteen, nearly ten years ago. And he had never been one to refuse to kiss a guy he was having sex with. It was all part of the sexual experience as far as Toby was concerned. But he had to admit, Lucas was an expert kisser. Moaning, he laced his fingers through Lucas’s soft dark hair. Toby grazed his hands down Lucas’s sleek back, then moved them to his firm round cheeks as Lucas continued to plunder his mouth. Lucas slipped a hand between their bodies, his fingers trailing down Toby’s belly. Toby’s breath hitched, his mouth opening wider for Lucas’s tongue. The fingers brushed lower and closed over Toby’s aching cock. “Ah,” Toby gasped, breaking the kiss, trying to catch his breath. He’d barely managed when Lucas kissed him again, so deeply, so possessively it stole his breath all over again. The big hand on his shaft jerked him into a frenzy. Toby wondered at that moment if he’d survive. His body was electrified, so sensitized, if his mouth had been free he would have screamed. He wanted…wanted…Oh God. Tearing his mouth free, he groaned. “Please.” “Oh, yeah, sweetheart, I’ll give you what you want,” Lucas promised. He lifted off Toby, reaching for the lube. “Yes, please.” Toby knew he was begging and didn’t care. Lucas’s gaze smoldered as he hiked Toby’s legs to rest on his shoulders, giving him perfect access to Toby’s bottom. The squirt 44

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of the lube sounded loud even though the 80s CD still played from the closet. Toby waited, watching, his body quivering. Lucas pushed a slicked finger inside Toby. His cock leaked on his leg and Toby reached for it, fisting it even as Lucas added a second finger, his digits probing for Toby’s prostate. “Lucas,” Toby yelled, then bit his lip, feeling his face flush. “Easy, sweetheart. Don’t tighten up on me,” Lucas soothed. A third finger pushed past his ring of muscle and Toby winced at the burn. It was worth the slight discomfort. The fullness felt amazing. Lucas moved his fingers within Toby, spreading him, tantalizing him. Knowing he was about to come, Toby temporarily released his hold on his cock. He wanted to wait until Lucas was imbedded inside him. Lucas finally withdrew his fingers and lowered Toby’s legs to reach for the condom. Toby sighed with relief. Lucas raised an eyebrow. “Anxious?” “Uh-huh. I want you. Now.” Lucas’s eyes dilated and he grabbed the condom, tearing it open. He rolled it over his big cock, then slicked it with more lube. Slipping his arms under Toby’s legs, Lucas poised himself at Toby’s entrance. Their gazes locked, heated and intense. Lucas pushed in. And in and in. Until his balls rested on Toby. “Move,” Toby pleaded, his own cock aching with the need to come. His hand closed around himself once more, stroking as Lucas thrust deep. Toby had never been a particularly passive bottom, so with each thrust, he pushed up. He was taking a pounding and might 45

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regret it in the morning, but for now he wanted it rough, hard and fast. His balls drew tight, warning of his impending orgasm. Closing his fist tighter around the head of his dick, he jerked himself. “I can’t hold it,” he said. “Don’t. Come for me, Toby.” A powerful, nearly unbearable tingling at the base of his spine tore a moan from him as opaque white cum erupted from his cock. His eyes rolled back in his head as Lucas pounded and pulsed within him. “God, Toby!” Lucas yelled, stiffening with three final long thrusts. Panting heavily, Lucas withdrew and collapsed on the bed next to Toby. He turned toward Lucas, wrapping his arms around Lucas’s middle, hoping he wouldn’t be rejected. When all Lucas did was close his arms around Toby and draw him closer, Toby closed his eyes with relief. Just when he thought maybe Lucas had drifted off to sleep, Lucas asked, “Can I stay here with you tonight?” His heart nearly skipping a beat, Toby nodded. “Of course.” “You don’t mind? I have to get up pretty early to stop by my place before I go to the studio. I don’t want to disturb you, but I also don’t want to leave.” Toby smiled against Lucas’s chest. “I don’t mind.”

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CHAPTER 6 “Look, I know your love life is none of my business,” Elijah said to Lucas over the phone a couple of days after his first night with Toby. “That’s definitely true.” Lucas opened his dishwasher and loaded several glasses into the top rack. “But that’s never really stopped either of us from butting in.” Pretty much it had been him and Elijah for several years now. They were the only family they had, really. And he was protective of Eej. “So?” he prompted. “Don’t you think maybe you should wait a while before dating again?” Lucas sighed and leaned against his kitchen counter. “My 47

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relationship with Melissa ended because we just didn’t go together as a couple. We’re still friends. There’s no grieving process.” “I know, but—” “But what?” “Could you maybe pick someone other than Toby as your rebound fuck?” Elijah blurted out the words so fast they almost sounded like gibberish. “Excuse me?” “Kirk is worried Toby is going to get hurt.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “So this is coming from Kirk?” “Yes and me too,” Elijah said. “I’m having a good time with Toby.” “I’m sure you are. He’s sweet and sexy. But you know it’s not going to go anywhere and when you’re ready to move on Toby will be hurt.” Lucas grabbed the teakettle off his stove and filled it with water from his filtered water spout. “What makes you say that?” “Lucas, you’re an actor. You’ve wanted to be a star since you were a kid. We both know male stars don’t have long-term relationships with men. Why do you think leading men have been hiding their sexuality for decades? One day you’re going to become somebody above and beyond the cable show—you know you will. You’ll be expected to date famous actresses. Even if you wanted to keep Toby around on the side, that wouldn’t be fair to him or any woman you dated.” Turning on the fire under the teakettle, Lucas took out a mug out of his cabinet. “It doesn’t have to be that way.” Elijah snorted. “Right. Even now with all the strides we’ve made we still fight for acceptance all the time. Hollywood is one of 48

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the worst. It’s okay in your private life but don’t expect to get starring roles in big films if you walk the red carpet with Toby on your arm.” He knew his brother was right, of course. But Lucas didn’t want to think about it. Not that far ahead. Right now he was enjoying his infatuation with Toby. “Whether all of that is true, I’m not going to debate. It’s not even relevant at this point. Toby and I have barely started seeing each other. Nobody’s made or expected any promises.” “He really likes you,” Elijah said quietly. “And I really like him.” “Okay, forgetting for a moment that male movie stars date women, what about his job? I can’t believe your agent hasn’t thrown a fit over you seeing a stripper. A male stripper.” He poured the boiling water over his green tea bag. “He doesn’t know about Toby yet. And if he does say something, I’ll tell him it’s none of his business either.” “If someone asked you tomorrow what you would rather have, Toby or your career, what would you say?” “My career, of course.” “See.” Lucas rolled his eyes. “I don’t see anything. I’ve been seeing Toby for three or four days, Eej. I’m not about to give up my career for anyone I’m seeing for that time.” “What about a year from now? You’re in love, having a great time, and then they ask?” He scowled. “This is a stupid conversation.” Elijah sighed. “You’d pick your career and we both know it. You see this opportunity breaking up with Melissa as a chance to fuck a few hot guys before you start a new relationship with a 49

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woman. There’s nothing wrong with that, Lucas. I just think Toby is the wrong guy to play around with. Kirk says he’s been hurt before. By guys like you.” “Like me?” “Guys who claim to be bisexual.” “I am bisexual, Eej. I like women.” “I know. But Kirk says—” “Look, I know Kirk is your boyfriend and I like him. But could we not go by what Kirk says?” He took his mug of tea out of the kitchen and into his living room. He was expecting Toby to show up any time. He glanced at the clock. “Kirk’s known Toby all his life. They’re—” “Best friends. I know. Eej, I don’t know what’s going to happen. But Toby is a grown man who is free to decide whether he wants to spend time with me or not. I’m not forcing him into anything. The minute he doesn’t feel right about it anymore, he can end things.” His doorbell rang. Talk about being saved by the bell. “There’s the door. I’m expecting Toby. I’ll talk to you later, Eej.” He hung up and went to open the door for Toby. Toby stood on his doorstep, smiling, his blond hair slightly messy, still wearing his stage makeup, jeans, an orange shirt and his leather jacket. Lucas wanted him so bad it hurt. He yanked him inside. “I didn’t shower yet,” Toby said, breathlessly as Lucas tugged him close. “I wanted to get out of there in a hurry when I saw your text.” Lucas nodded, pushing the leather jacket off Toby’s shoulders. “I know it’s late, having you come over here. I just really wanted to see you.” 50

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Toby grinned. “It’s okay. I was really excited to get the text. I’ve been thinking about you.” He kissed Toby softly, teasingly. “That sounds promising. I’ve been thinking about you, too.” He tossed the leather jacket onto the sofa. He inched his fingers under the orange shirt. “I want you naked.” “I should probably shower first,” Toby said as Lucas yanked his shirt off over his head. Lucas pushed him up against the back of the couch, his hands all over Toby. “Mmm hmm. In a minute,” Lucas said. He trailed his tongue down the middle of Toby’s back, enjoying the tremors going through the sexy, young man. He reached around and unsnapped Toby’s jeans, loosening the pants and briefs just enough to reveal his round, fuckable ass. God, yes, he could hardly wait to be inside Toby. Toby laughed, looking over his shoulder, watching Lucas drop his own jeans to the floor. “I’m all sweaty.” “Perfect since you’re about to get sweatier.” Somehow he must have planned this in his mind when he texted Toby to come over tonight after work. He’d put a condom and a small travel packet of lube in his jeans, which he now held in his hands. “I can’t wait, Toby. I’ve been wanting you all night.” Toby nodded, his eyes dilating with lust. He braced himself against the sofa and spread his legs. “Fuck me.” Growling, Lucas sheathed his dick and then squirted the lube onto his fingers, inserting them none too gently into Toby. He winced, but Toby gasped and pushed back, spreading himself wider. When he finally entered Toby it seemed like he’d been waiting hours though it had been seconds. Lucas couldn’t remember the 51

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last time he had been this desperate with need for someone. Been so damn infatuated. Surely it would eventually fade as it usually did. His fingers gripped Toby’s hips as he thrust over and over into the man. He wanted to take him, mark him as his. And only his. None of the men who paid to watch Toby strip would ever know this. “Toby.” He groaned, his release slamming into him. Lucas, remaining inside Toby, reached around their bodies and stroked Toby to his own orgasm. *

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“So let me get this straight—you’re dating Lucas Cartwright?” Mickey, another stripper from Lonnie’s, asked Toby a week later over breakfast at a nearby diner. Toby nodded, stabbing into his over-easy eggs. “Seems like maybe I am. We’ve spent every single night together for the last week. Friday and Saturday nights he even picked me up from the club after the show.” Mickey’s dark eyes studied him. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” “What do you mean?” Mickey shrugged and spread raspberry jam on a slice of toast. “It’s just that you’ve said yourself most guys seem to have trouble dating a stripper. I know I’ve run into that problem. And with this guy being a celebrity, I don’t know, it seems like it might get even more complicated.” Toby had thought about it, of course. Once it seemed like maybe, just maybe, Lucas wanted something more with him than 52

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just a one-night stand of hot sex. Toby had thought of little else. The truth was, Lucas had turned out to be a great guy. Sweet, romantic, and attentive. As well as being the best lover Toby had ever had. Already Toby knew he liked Lucas way more than was probably wise. Tucking a strand of his shoulder length dark hair behind his ear, Mickey smiled. “I don’t mean to poop on your party.” Toby rolled his eyes. “You’re not. I’ve thought about it myself. But right now I’m having a great time. I know not to get too serious too fast.” Liar. “Lucas is bisexual?” Mickey asked. “Yeah, he broke up with his girlfriend just before he started seeing me.” “You know his Hollywood agent is liable to want to steer him toward hetero relationships. It’s better for his image, especially if he wants to get network television or movies even.” Toby knew his friend meant well, but just then he wanted to kick him under the table. He wasn’t naïve. Everything Mickey said was true. Heck, he’d said the very same thing to Lucas. He sighed and pushed his eggs around his plate. “I know, but we’ve just started seeing each other. We’re not picking out curtains, Mickey.” “But I know how you are, Toby. You’re very sensitive. You tell me you know not to get serious, but I already can tell you are. You like Lucas a lot, don’t you?” Toby shrugged. “He’s going to hurt you, Tob. Maybe he won’t mean to, but he will.” Mickey pushed his plate away. “Are you sure he’s even really broken up with his girlfriend?” 53

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“What? Yeah, of course.” “Okay. I just thought maybe he was seeing you on the side just to get his man fix. He takes you out in public?” “Yes.” “That’s good. I hope I’m wrong and that you beat the odds, but I’ve seen you get hurt before. You think the guy’s going to sweep you off your feet like some hero in a romance novel, but either all he wants is a good time with a cute stripper or he wants to change you to fit what he thinks you should be.” He hoped he beat the odds, too, but Toby was used to being realistic in spite of what Mickey thought. He’d already figured his relationship with Lucas would be short-lived. And if it went on much longer than it already had, Toby would be in love. When it ended, he would be heartbroken. But he couldn’t stop whatever was going to happen now. He couldn’t…wouldn’t end it himself. Not now. “I appreciate your concern, Mickey,” he said, reaching for a now cold piece of bacon. “I guess I’m just going to take my chances and see what happens. I’ve survived being hurt before, you know, so I’ll live this time, too.” Mickey covered Toby’s hand with his and squeezed it. “Okay. Oh, but there is something else I wanted to tell you.” “What’s that?” Mickey glanced around the diner and then lowered his voice. “Remember that guy Richardson?” Toby wrinkled his nose, his stomach twisting just thinking about the dude. “Unfortunately. But I haven’t seen him lately at the club. Not in the front row anyway. Has he been banished to the back?” “No. Lonnie had a talk with Tom and they decided not to let 54

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Richardson in the club anymore. So Alan wouldn’t let him in.” Toby had learned shortly after getting a job at Lonnie’s that Mickey was actually Tom’s son. Tom and Lonnie had taken Mickey away from their hometown when he was a teenage boy, but Toby didn’t know much more than that about the three of them. “Wow. So, Tom agreed? Lonnie must have really thought it was serious to have talked to your dad about it.” Mickey nodded. “It was, Tob. Richardson went to another club. The Polka Dot on Sunset. He followed a dancer out of the club and tried to force himself on the guy. Richardson then beat the dancer near to death.” “Oh my God!” “I know. Richardson was arrested.” Toby lost the last of what was left of his appetite. “Mick, that could have been any one of us. Is the dancer going to survive?” “They don’t know yet,” Mickey said grimly. “Scary stuff. I’m glad he was banned from our club, but I’m really sorry he was allowed to attack someone else.” Toby shook his head. “That’s horrible. I’d heard the security wasn’t as good at the Polka Dot, but I had no idea it could be this bad. I bet Lonnie and your dad are glad now they took that extra precaution.” “They are.” Mickey’s cell phone rang. He glanced at the number. “Excuse me for a second?” “Sure.” Toby waved him away. Mickey slipped out of the booth and walked away, answering his phone. Which reminded Toby. He was supposed to call his mama with the latest update on his relationship with Lucas. If he had one. He fished his phone out of his back pocket and was about to hit speed 55

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dial when Lucas’s number popped up. “Hello?” “Hi, sweetheart.” Toby smiled. “Hi, yourself.” “Listen, Toby, I have to cancel tonight.” His smile disappeared and his stomach twisted. “Oh. That’s all right.” “No, it’s not all right.” Lucas sighed. “I want to see you so badly.” Forcing lightness into his tone, Toby said, “You just saw me this morning.” “And I want to see you again. My agent called and we’re having dinner tonight. Wants to talk about the show. I guess they want to continue for at least three more seasons.” “That’s great news, Lucas.” “I know, but I wanted to see you. Maybe if dinner ends early enough, we can still see each other. I know this is your last night off before you have to go back to work.” “No, it’s all right. I don’t want you to worry about it. Just have dinner with your agent. It’s no big deal.” Toby could probably use a waxing and do his nails. Sure that would only occupy two hours of his night, but still, he would do his best not to mope around about it. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ll make it up to you,” Lucas said. “Okay.” “I’ll come and get you for work tomorrow and pick you up as I did before.” “Have a good dinner with your agent.” “Toby, I—” “What?” 56

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Lucas sighed. “Nothing. I’ll see you tomorrow, sweetheart. Bye.” “Bye.” Toby set his phone on the table. Sure, he was disappointed, but Lucas sounded like he was, too. It didn’t mean he’d start making excuses not to see Toby. Mickey returned to the table. “Sorry about that. Are you finished?” Toby nodded. “Yeah, I need to get home. Laundry day.” Mickey grabbed the bill. “Breakfast is on me.” *

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Toby took out the box of nail polish he kept under his bathroom sink. He switched his cell phone to his left ear as he sorted through the colors. “What are you doing?” his mama asked. “I’m going to give myself a mani-pedi.” “You could come home and play cards with me and the girls. They should be here any minute.” Toby grimaced. “Mama, your card club does nothing but gossip.” “You used to enjoy that as much as we did. Grace Halperin’s going to be here.” He smiled. He’d always liked Grace. She was one of his mama’s oldest friends. “I need the mani-pedi anyway.” “You can do it here.” “Mama, I don’t need babying.” “You are my baby, Tobias.” “Yes, but I can spend a night alone. I’ve done it dozens of times.” 57

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“You sounded so sad before.” Toby sighed and chose a shocking pink. “I was having a dramatic moment. I’m over it.” “If you are sure—” “Mama, positive. I’m going to see Lucas tomorrow. Everything is fine.” She laughed. “Well, I know that. I have a good feeling about this, Tobias. Maybe we should see a psychic.” Toby rolled his eyes and grabbed a bucket from a closet to soak his feet. “I’m still recovering from the last one we went to.” “Oh, she wasn’t that bad.” “She predicted we’d die before we ever left the parking lot, Mama.” “Well, that. I suppose she was a bit unusual. Some of what she predicted came true though.” “Thank God that didn’t.” He pulled the tie on his magenta robe tighter. He was freezing. Time to turn on the heat. He walked out of his bathroom and into his bedroom. “Mama—” The doorbell rang. He frowned, looking at the Winnie the Pooh clock on his wall. Close to nine. “Mama, I’ll talk to you later. There’s someone at the door.” He hit end call as the doorbell rang again. What if it was a home invasion? Biting his lip, he hurried to the closet to find something to bash over the invader’s head. It wasn’t like he had any baseball bats or crowbars in his closet. The doorbell rang again. Twice in a row. And then his cell phone sprang to life. He glanced at the number. “Lucas?” 58

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“Sweetheart, let me in. It’s cold out here.” “You? That’s you?” Lucas laughed. “Yes. Answer the door.” Toby ran out of the bedroom and to the door, sliding the bolt back and flinging it open. Sure enough, Lucas stood on his doorstep. His dark hair was windswept, his cheeks flushed, and his eyes shining with his smile. Grabbing his arm, Toby pulled him inside and shut the door. “Oh, my God, I thought you were busy.” Toby threw his arms around Lucas and held him close. “I was, but I got done and couldn’t wait to see you.” Lucas kissed him. Toby couldn’t help it. Happiness crept into his heart. He was hooked. And falling in love.

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CHAPTER 7 Having just turned out the light and pulled the covers up over them, Lucas held Toby close, their bodies slicked with sweat after having just finished sex. Toby lay with his head resting on Lucas’s chest. He could definitely get used to this. “You want me to move?” Toby asked. “No, it’s perfect the way you are.” “I’m so glad you came over tonight. I didn’t think I’d see you.” He nodded. “I know. I wanted to though. I’ve liked spending our nights together. I decided I’d miss you too much.” “How was your dinner with your agent?” “Good. Like I said, the show’s going to be renewed for three more seasons.” He smiled. “Seasons are a little different on cable than network. Anyway, very productive.” 60

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Toby kissed his chest. “Did you…well, did you happen to talk about me at all?” “You? About what?” Toby shrugged. “Maybe about him not approving of you seeing me.” “Sweetheart, to be honest I’ve not even mentioned you to him,” Lucas said. “Oh. Okay.” “It’s not like I won’t, but it just didn’t come up.” “It’s all right and probably for the best anyway.” He frowned. “Why?” Toby sighed heavily. “He wouldn’t want you with me anyway. I don’t exactly fit the Hollywood image.” “Toby—” “Don’t worry about it, really.” Toby didn’t say anything for a while and Lucas wondered if he ought to let it go. For now anyway. Lucas decided to bring up something else he’d been thinking about. “What made you decide to be a stripper?” Toby stiffened a little, so Lucas stroked his back. “I like it. I love to dance and perform. I like giving guys pleasure and fantasies.” “Did you ever want to do anything else?” “I thought about being a drag queen when I was a teenager. Singing and performing as a woman, but I’m a terrible singer and I never wanted to do the lip sync thing.” “I remember you saying school wasn’t for you.” “Yeah. But what I do is great for me. I only work four nights, my days are free, and I get three days off.” Lucas nodded. “That’s good. I just wondered, because you’re 61

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so clever and cute I thought you have a lot of potential to maybe do something else.” “Like what?” “Well, I don’t know, but it’s something to think about for the future. That’s all.” His lover yawned dramatically. “Wow, I’m really tired.” Lucas shook his head but decided to let it pass for now. The truth was he was tired himself and had to get up early. “You want to come have lunch with me tomorrow? At the bistro?” “Sure,” Toby said. “What time?” “About one o’clock.” Toby nodded. “I’ll be there.” He leaned down to kiss the top of Toby’s head. “Good night, sweetheart.” “’Night,” Toby mumbled. *

*

*

Toby parked his car at the far end of the bistro’s parking lot, several spaces away from the nearest empty spot. No reason to take any chances. He’d chosen to wear his favorite tight jeans and an aqua shirt. He’d spent the morning giving himself the mani-pedi he’d missed doing the night before. The nails of both his hands and feet were now painted pink. The day had dawned bright and sunny, so he wore flip-flops. When he got into the restaurant he noticed Lucas had already been seated at a booth and across from him was the actor who played his partner on Harrow’s Eyes, Miguel Martinez. 62

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Lucas smiled and slipped out of the booth, giving him a quick peck. “Miguel decided to join us.” He mouthed, “Sorry.” Miguel looked at him with barely concealed hostility. “Hello.” “This is my boyfriend Toby.” Lucas let Toby scoot into the booth first and then he sat beside him. “Hi,” Toby said, surprised to hear Lucas introduce him as his boyfriend. Surprised and pleased. In spite of Miguel’s uncomfortable presence he felt a lot better. They were half way through lunch when a tall, thin middleaged man approached their table. “Oh, my God,” the man said. “It is you.” Lucas shared a smile with Miguel. “You’re a fan of the show?” The man grinned. “Am I? I’ve been to Lonnie’s dozens of times. I never expected to run into Joey Flamingo here.” Oh, Lord. Lucas smile faded and he stiffened. “What?” Toby’s face was burning. “Um, I…I’m glad you enjoy it.” “Who is Joey Flamingo?” Miguel asked, his lip curling. “He is,” the man said, pointing at Toby. “The hottest stripper at Lonnie’s. Your angel act is just—” “Thank you for stopping by,” Lucas cut in coolly. “Have a good day.” “Oh. Um, yeah, sure.” The guy started to stick his hand out like he intended to shake hands, but he lowered it after looking at Lucas. “Goodbye.” When he walked away, Toby sighed. “You didn’t have to be rude.” “That guy was practically salivating over you at our table,” Lucas said. “I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.” “He’s just a fan.” 63

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“You’re a stripper?” Miguel shook his head. “You’re dating a male stripper?” The way he said stripper Toby figured he may as well say whore. He lowered his eyes. He felt good about what he did for the most part, but sometimes he got the reaction he was getting from Miguel. He couldn’t care less what Miguel thought, but he did care about Lucas. “Hey, cut it out,” Lucas said to Miguel. Miguel shrugged. “Whatever. I’m going to the bathroom.” Lucas turned to Toby. “Sorry, sweetheart, he can be kind of an asshole sometimes.” Toby nodded. “It’s okay.” “How often do guys like that approach you?” “Not often,” Toby said. “Honest. In the time I’ve worked there he’s only the second one who has approached me. I don’t even really think about it much.” He figured now wasn’t the time to tell him about what Mickey told him about Richardson and the other stripper. “Well, he didn’t look dangerous at least. You going to stay here? I’ve gotta go to the restroom myself.” “Sure,” Toby agreed. After several minutes, having received the check and paid, Toby got up from the table, intending to wait in the bistro’s foyer. Then he looked down at the front of his shirt and noticed he had salad dressing right in the middle of his stomach. With a sigh, he headed to the restroom and had just begun to push the door open when he heard Miguel’s and Lucas’s voices. He let it fall back against him. “Look, you may not care about your career or the show, but I do,” Miguel said. “They want to renew for three more seasons and 64

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like it or not, you are Pete Harrow. If you fuck up, the show is through.” “Stop freaking out. Toby is my private life.” “Now, but if you continue seeing him it’s going to get out. You want to be with men, I have nothing to say to that. I think it’s a mistake, but whatever. But when you pick a trashy little stripper, I can’t stay quiet. Do you know what they do, Cartwright? Lap dances. Money for sex. He’s probably fucking guys like that idiot out there every night.” “Toby is not like that,” Lucas said, his voice sounding angry. “Right.” “He’s not. He’s going to school during the day. The stripping is just temporary.” Toby’s thundering heart seemed to twist in his chest. He turned away from the bathroom and walked out to the foyer. But he couldn’t stay there either. He went outside, nearly choking on the pain. This was the way it was going to be with Lucas, wasn’t it? His friends telling him to stay away from the stripper. Lucas lying about things. Wondering if he really did have sex with Lonnie’s customers. Lucas either trying to change him to what was acceptable or moving on to a woman who would be more widely accepted given his Hollywood career. It wouldn’t work and Toby had been stupid to ever believe otherwise. Toby didn’t wait for Lucas to come outside of the bistro. He went to his car, got in and drove away. *

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Lucas approached Toby’s apartment door, his jaw tight. Something was up with Toby and he intended to find out. Toby had left the bistro without so much as a goodbye and then he’d gotten a voice mail from him saying he didn’t feel well and wasn’t going to work so Lucas didn’t need to pick him up. Lucas had tried calling Toby since with no answer. He rapped on the door. “Toby, open the door.” Nothing. “Toby, come on. I want to talk to you.” After a few more minutes, the door creaked open and a small sliver of Toby appeared. “Lucas?” “I want to come in.” “I’m…I’m contagious.” “Sweetheart, let me in. Please.” Toby sighed. “I guess it has to happen sooner or later.” He opened the door and stood aside. He was dressed in old ratty jeans and a sweatshirt. “Are you really not feeling well?” His lover shrugged. “Why are you here?” “Because you left the restaurant without a word, told me not to come and wouldn’t answer my calls.” He took hold of Toby’s hands and led him to the sofa. “What’s wrong?” Toby’s hazel eyes were filled with sorrow. “This isn’t going to work, Lucas.” He stared at Toby, not certain he heard him right and, if he did, he knew he didn’t understand. “Excuse me?” “Us. Things aren’t going well and I think we should stop seeing each other.” “What? Toby, what are you talking about? Things are going great.” Or he had thought they were. He would have sworn Toby 66

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felt the same. “We’re too different.” Toby pulled his hands out of Lucas’s grasp. “You’re an actor with a successful show and I’m just a trashy little stripper.” “Toby.” Toby rose from the sofa. “Lucas, I heard you and Miguel talking at the restaurant. I heard what he said about strippers. About me.” Lucas sighed and stood. “Sweetheart, I told you he’s an asshole. Don’t listen to him.” “I don’t care what he says about me, Lucas. Do you think he’s the first person who’s ever thought I was beneath them?” Toby exhaled. “He’s not. I get that all the time. People judging me. Thinking because I dance and strip for men I must let them have sex with me. Well, I don’t.” “I know that, Toby.” “I dance and I perform and I take off my clothes and I give a few men a fantasy. They choose what to do with that fantasy when they leave Lonnie’s, but once I leave the stage I’m done. I don’t think there is anything wrong with what I do. But you do.” Lucas blinked, swallowed. “Me?” “I heard what you said to Miguel. You made an excuse, told him I was only doing it while I go to school.” He winced. He had said that and he wasn’t proud of it. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I shouldn’t have said that. It was stupid.” Toby’s smile was sad. “It was the way you feel. You’re ashamed of me.” “No.” “Yes, you are.” “I can’t deny I hate that those men are getting hard watching 67

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you. Like that guy today at lunch. I wanted to punch him in the face. It bothers me that you take your clothes off for those assholes.” “They’re nothing to me. They’re just the audience.” “I know that.” “You didn’t want to admit to your friend I would never amount to anything other than a stripper.” “He is not my friend.” “Whatever. You’ve wondered a few times why being a stripper was enough for me. We’ve talked about it.” “I’m only concerned for your future,” Lucas insisted. “Eventually when you are older, your looks will fade some, at least as far as performing is concerned, and then what will you do?” “I don’t know,” Toby admitted. “Maybe I will go to school then. Maybe I’m saving money for those days. Maybe I’ll be a waiter or a bartender. I don’t know. But being a stripper doesn’t make me dirt, Lucas.” “I never ever thought that.” “You still think less of me. I’m not good enough for you the way I am.” Lucas shook his head, his stomach twisted in knots. “Toby, that’s not true.” “Isn’t it?” Toby’s eyes filled with tears. “Every time I’ve met a guy I really like he wants me to change. To conform to what he thinks I should be. It’s been that way my whole life. I’m not smart enough or cute enough or rich enough or ambitious enough. I’m not enough.” Lucas opened his mouth to protest, but the words wouldn’t come. His throat was so clogged with emotion he couldn’t get the words out. 68

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The silence in the room stretched until Toby whispered, “I thought, maybe, you’d be different.” He walked over to his apartment door and opened it. “I was wrong.” “Toby—” But Toby wouldn’t look at him. His gaze stayed on the floor. Lucas moved toward the door, wanting to beg Toby to listen to him, but not sure what to say that would matter. At the moment, he could barely breathe let alone think clearly. “At least we found out before we were stupid enough to fall…in love,” Toby said, his breath hitching just a little. Fall in love? Did Lucas love Toby? No, he couldn’t. It was far too soon for that. Love didn’t happen that quickly except in romances and fairytales. It shouldn’t hurt this much though for Toby to throw him out the door. “I—” Lucas stopped. His hand rested on the door. He closed his eyes briefly. Raw pain seared his chest. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice rough. He stepped through the door and Toby closed it behind him.

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CHAPTER 8 Toby glanced at the caller ID on his cell phone. Lonnie again. He supposed he was going to have to go back to work soon. He really didn’t feel well. But how long could you call out sick from a broken heart? “Hi, Lonnie.” “Toby, how are you feeling? We’re worried about you.” And now the guilt washed over him. He had been sitting at home feeling sorry for himself for the last three nights. Tonight was Saturday and he knew he should go into work. “I’m doing a lot better than I was,” he lied. It hurt just as much. The thought he would never see Lucas again tore him apart. Even if it was how it had to be. “Good, I’m glad to hear it. I wanted to tell you not to worry 70

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about tonight. Just rest until your next scheduled day on Wednesday. Come back fresh then.” Toby bit his lip. “Lonnie, I—” “Yes?” “Nothing. I was just going to say, I can probably work tonight.” He blew out a breath. “Toby, take the time,” Lonnie said softly. “I know it’s hard. I want you to take the time.” Tears stung and blurred his vision. He didn’t know how Lonnie knew, but he was certain he did. He hadn’t fooled his boss at all. His breath shattering, he nodded, even though he knew Lonnie couldn’t see. Finally he managed to croak out, “Thanks.” “See you soon.” And Lonnie hung up. His mama had called him a few times and he managed to keep the conversations short, but he knew his mama and much longer, she’d show up at his front door demanding to know what was wrong. Toby couldn’t deny he’d been foolish enough to fall in love with Lucas. While life would go on, he was starting to figure he’d never find the right man for him. Someone who would accept his choices, accept him. Getting up from the couch he had been lounging on, Toby decided to make himself a cup of tea. He hadn’t bothered to get dressed that day, still wearing the magenta robe he’d pulled on after he’d finally taken a shower. The water had just boiled and he’d poured it over the teabag in his cup when his doorbell rang. Great, maybe his mama had lost patience with waiting. Or worse it would be Kirk. He did not want to deal with his best friend just then. Tempted to ignore the door, Toby finally trudged out of the kitchen and to the door. 71

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“Who is it?” “Me.” Oh, God. Toby would recognize that voice anywhere. Had watched a marathon of episodes the night before. He dreamed of that voice, that man. Pulse racing, he slid the bolt and opened the door to Lucas. The man stared at him, hunger in his eyes. “Hi,” Toby whispered. “Hi. Can I come in for a moment?” Swallowing, he nodded and stepped aside for Lucas to come inside. “Do you want tea or something?” Lucas turned to face him. “No, I want you.” “Lucas.” “Please, Toby, let me say what I have to say. It’s taken me a while to work up the nerve but I need to say it.” “Okay. Should I sit?” “Yeah.” Lucas waited until Toby had and then he knelt in front of him instead of sitting next to him. “I’ve been thinking about what to say since I left here Wednesday that would make a difference to you. And all I can think is to tell you I’ll change. You don’t have to, because I will.” Toby opened his mouth to say something, he wasn’t sure what, but Lucas stopped him by giving his leg a squeeze. “I admit I’ve been an ass and judged your wanting to be a stripper badly. It was wrong of me and I know that. I had previous ideas and assumptions before I ever met you and I let that cloud my judgment. I don’t want to think that way anymore.” “The men—” Lucas nodded. “I know you aren’t interested in them and my 72

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getting jealous or bothered about them getting off on you dancing is my problem, not yours. And I’ll work on that, too. If you give me another chance.” “Why?” “I hate being without you, Toby,” Lucas admitted, his voice raw and deep. “I thought I’d get over this…these feelings for you. This need. But I haven’t, I can’t.” Toby touched Lucas’s face. “That all sounds good and all, but what about your career? I know it’s hard enough with you seeing a man, let alone a man who makes his living as a stripper.” “You let me worry about that.” “That’s just it, Lucas. I don’t want to be the cause of any pain, and if it damaged your career it would be awful for us. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” “Toby, I’m not going to pretend my acting career isn’t important to me. It’s what I’ve always wanted to be since I was a small boy, but it’s not the only thing that’s important to me.” Lucas held his hand and brought it to his lips. “There’s room in my life for other important things. Important people. Just give me a chance.” “And if I’m never more than a stripper or a waiter or an office worker?” Lucas smiled. “You’ll still be my Toby. The man I fell in love with, I think, when you first wheeled Kirk down to see Elijah in the hospital after the accident.” Blinking rapidly, Toby lost his ability to breathe. Or nearly so. “You…what?” “I know it’s too soon and I’m a fool, but I am in love with you, sweetheart. And maybe, if you give me another chance, you’ll fall in love with me, too.” 73

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He shook his head. “No?” Lucas frowned, his face twisting in pain. Toby grabbed Lucas’s arms when he went to get up. “I love you, too.” “Really?” Lucas’s grin almost split his face. “Yes. And I didn’t want to tell you because of the too soon thing and the stripper thing.” “We can work on everything else, Toby, as long as we both want to.” Toby dropped to his knees next to Lucas, framing his lover’s face in his hands. “I want to.” He pressed his lips to Lucas’s. Lucas returned the kiss deeply, his tongue parting Toby’s lips. Instantly, Toby’s cock hardened. Moaning, he rubbed against Lucas. “Oh, yeah sweetheart, I missed you, too.” Lucas lowered him to lie flat on the living room floor. His hand slid inside Toby’s robe. “I was hoping you wore nothing but this robe.” “Lucas, please, I want you.” “I want you, too, so much.” Lucas sat up long enough to pull his shirt off and toss it aside. Then he lowered his pants and briefs to his knees. “Um, lube and a rubber?” Toby asked, eyes on his lover’s enormous erection. “In my pocket.” He produced a condom and a pack of lube. Toby laughed. “I love a man who’s prepared.” Lucas grinned and leaned down to kiss him thoroughly. “Turn over.” Toby undid the tie of his robe and let it fall from his shoulders. Then he laid it out as a covering for his carpet and flipped over on his stomach. 74

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Hot, moist kisses trailed over his bare back, down his spine, leaving a trail of goose bumps. Toby closed his eyes, content to let Lucas have his way with him. If he’d been a cat he would be purring. Lucas chuckled. “Like that, sweetheart?” “Like it? I’m dying.” “Can’t have that.” Lucas rubbed his stubble across Toby’s lower back and then each buttock. And then the tickle of a tongue flickered across his crease. “Lucas.” He moaned. Lucas’s fingers parted his cheeks and his tongue dipped in his hole. With all the sex he’d had, no one had ever rimmed him. It was so amazing. He shook with need and reached underneath to stroke his hard as nails cock. He could so get addicted to this, he decided, pushing his ass up into his lover’s probing tongue. Toby fisted his plush robe. The tongue withdrew and was quickly replaced by two slicked fingers. He pushed against them, his entrance swallowed up the digits. “Please, Lucas, now, now. I can’t wait.” “All right, sweetheart.” The sound of the foil wrapper being torn filled his ears and then Lucas pressed inside. For a moment they stayed still, joined, both sharing a sense of contentment or Toby supposed they both felt it. And then when the stillness became almost unbearable, Lucas moved. He thrust deep again and again, brushing his sensitive spot. Toby stroked faster, pushing back to ride Lucas. God, he’d missed this, craved it. “Lucas, please. Oh, God.” 75

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Lucas rammed into him over and over, drawing out each thrust, until they both panted, both gasped. Lucas looped his fingers with Toby’s. He leaned close to nibble Toby’s neck. “I love you,” he whispered in Toby’s ear. And that was all he needed. His cock twitched and cum spurted out over his fingers. “Lucas!” His lover followed him with his own release seconds later. Toby closed his eyes, letting love and happiness surround him. He opened his mouth to tell Lucas he couldn’t wait to start their new life together. The doorbell rang. “Um, sweetheart, were you expecting someone?” Lucas asked. He still lay on top of Toby. The doorbell rang again. “No. Probably Girl Scouts selling cookies. Let’s just ignore it.” “Toby!” Oh, no. “It’s my mama.” “Toby, I want to know if you are all right.” Lucas frowned down at him. “Toby—” Toby groaned. “She has a key.” Lucas scrambled off him and pulled up his pants even as Toby quickly pulled on his robe. The front door opened. “Toby…oh.” He sighed. “Hi, Mama.” She beamed. “I guess you are all right, aren’t you? This is him, isn’t it? Oh, I knew it.” It was inevitable he supposed. “Mama, meet Lucas Cartwright.” 76

SHAWN LANE

Shawn Lane believes love and passion know no boundaries. Shawn writes both erotic love stories involving men in historical or contemporary settings and interracial romances between men and women. Shawn is always looking for new stories and new characters to create while holding down life in California.

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Don’t miss Accidentally His by Shawn Lane, available at AmberAllure.com! Kirk Matheson rides the bus to work several times a week, intrigued by the attractive and quiet bespectacled man he typically sits behind. One day when the bus crashes during a storm, Kirk finally meets the shy stranger, Elijah Cartwright, and stays with the seriously injured man until the rescuers arrive. After Elijah’s recovery, Kirk makes a date with him. Though an unfortunate event brought the men together, can they find their way to happiness?

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