Beelzebub's Tales to his Grandson

G.I.GURDJIEFF

Beelzebub's

Tales to His

Grandson

An Objectively Impartial Criticism of the Life of Man

ALL AND EVERYTHING / FIRST SERIES

Ten Books in Three Series FIRST SERIES Three books under the title of Beelzebub's Tales to His Grandson. An Objectively Impartial Criticism of the Life of Man. SECOND SERIES Two books under the common title of Meetings with Remarkable Men. THIRD SERIES Five books under the title of Life Is Real Only Then, When "I Am. "

All written according to entirely new principles of logical reasoning and directed toward the accomplishment of the following three fundamental tasks: FIRST SERIES To destroy, mercilessly and without any compromise whatever, in the mentation and feelings of the reader, the beliefs and views, by centuries rooted in him, about everything existing in the world. SECOND SERIES To acquaint the reader with the material required for a new creation and to prove the soundness and good quality of it. THIRD SERIES To assist the arising, in the mentation and in the feelings of the reader, of a veritable, nonfantastic representation not of that illusory world which he now perceives, but of the world existing in reality.

F R I E N D L Y

A D V I C E

(Written impromptu by the author on delivering this book, already prepared for publication, to the printer) According to the numerous deductions and conclusions resulting from my research concerning the profit contemporary people can obtain from new impressions coming from what they read or hear, and also according to the thought of one of the sayings of popular wisdom I have just remembered, handed down to our days from very ancient times, "Any prayer may be heard and granted by the Higher Powers only if it is uttered thrice: First—for the welfare or the peace of the souls of one's parents, Second—for the welfare of one's neighbor, And only third—for oneself personally," I find it necessary on the first page of this book, now ready for publication, to give the following advice "Read each of my written expositions thrice First—at least as you have already become mechanized to read all your contemporary books and newspapers, Second—as if you were reading aloud to another person, And only third—try to fathom the gist of my writings Only then will you be able to count upon forming your own impartial judgment, proper to yourself alone, on my writings And only then can my hope be actualized that according to your understanding you will obtain the specific benefit for yourself which I anticipate, and which I wish for you with all my being.

FIRST

BOOK

CHAPTER 1

The arousing of thought AMONG ALL

the convictions formed in my "common presence" during my

responsible, peculiarly composed life, there is one unshakable conviction that people—whatever the degree of development of their understanding and whatever the form taken by the factors present in their individuality for engendering all kinds of ideals—always and everywhere on the Earth feel the imperative need, on beginning anything new, to pronounce aloud, or if not aloud at least mentally, that particular invocation understandable to even the most ignorant person, which has been formulated in different ways in different epochs, and in our day is expressed in the following words "In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost Amen." That is why I now also, in setting forth on this venture quite new for me, namely authorship, begin by pronouncing this invocation, and pronounce it not only aloud but even very distinctly and, as the ancient Toulousites used to say, with a "fully manifested intonation"—of course only to the extent permitted by data already formed in my whole presence and thoroughly rooted in it for such a manifestation, data, by the way, which are generally formed in man's nature during his preparatory years, and which later, during his responsible life, determine the character and vivifyingness of such an intonation. Having begun thus, I can now be quite at ease and should even, according to contemporary notions of "religious morality," be completely assured that from now on everything in this new venture of mine will proceed, as is said, "like a pianola."

In any case, this is the way I have begun, and how the rest will go I can only say, as the blind man put it, "we shall see." First and foremost, I shall place my hand, moreover the right one, which— although at the moment it is slightly injured due to an accident that recently befell me—is nevertheless really my own, and has never once failed me in all my life, on my heart, of course also my own—but on the constancy or inconstancy of this part of my whole I see no need to expatiate here—and frankly confess that I myself have not the slightest wish to write, but am constrained to do so by circumstances quite independent of me, though whether these circumstances arose accidentally or were created intentionally by extraneous forces I do not yet know I only know that these circumstances bid me write not just some trifle for reading oneself to sleep, but thick and weighty tomes. However that may be, I begin . . . But begin with what?

Oh, the devil! Will there indeed be repeated that strange and extremely

unpleasant sensation it befell me to experience about three weeks ago, while

I was composing in my thoughts the scheme and sequence of the ideas I

intended to publish and did not know then, either, how to begin?

This sensation I could only describe in these words "the fear of drowning

in the overflow of my own thoughts."

To stop this disagreeable sensation I might still have had recourse to that

maleficent property inherent in me, as in all contemporary people, which

enables us, without experiencing any remorse of conscience whatever, to put

off anything we wish to do "till tomorrow "

I could have done this very easily because before beginning the actual writing there seemed to be plenty of time, but today this is no longer so and, cost what it may, "even though I burst," I must begin.

But begin with what?

Hurrah! . . . Eureka!

Almost all the books I have happened to read in my life have begun with a

preface. So I too must begin with something of the kind. I say "of the kind." because in my entire life, from the moment I began to distinguish a boy from a girl, I have always done everything, absolutely everything, not as it is done by other, like myself, biped destroyers of Nature's good. Therefore I ought now, and am perhaps even bound on principle, to begin not as any other writer would. In any case, instead of the conventional preface I shall begin quite simply with a warning. Beginning with a warning will be most judicious on my part, if only because it will not contradict any of my principles, whether organic, psychic, or even "willful" At the same time it will be quite honest—honest, of course, in the objective sense, since I expect without the least doubt, as do all those who know me well, that owing to my writings there will entirely disappear in the majority of readers— immediately and not gradually, as sooner or later must occur to everyone—all the "treasures" they have acquired, either by inheritance or by their own labor, in the form of "quieting notions" that evoke only romantic images of their present lives or naive dreams about the future Professional writers usually begin such introductions with an address to the reader full of all kinds of bombastic, magniloquent, and so to say "honeyed" and inflated phrases. In this alone I shall follow their example and also begin with an "address to the reader," but I shall try not to make it as sugary as they usually do with their evil wiseacring, by which they titillate the sensibilities of the more or less normal reader.

Thus . . . My dear, highly honored, strong-willed, and of course very patient Sirs, and my very dear, charming, and impartial Ladies—forgive me, I have omitted the most important— my in no wise hysterical Ladies! I have the honor to inform you that although, due to circumstances that have arisen in one of the later stages of my life, I am now going to write books, during my whole life I have never written a single book or "instructive article," or even a letter in which it was necessary to observe what is called "grammaticality," so that although I am about to become a "professional writer" I have no practice at all in the established rules and procedures or in what is called "bon ton literary language," and am therefore constrained to write not as ordinary "patented" writers do, to whose form of writing you are in all probability as much accustomed as to your own smell. In my opinion, what will be troublesome for you in all this is chiefly that in childhood there was implanted in you—and has now become perfectly harmonized with your general psyche—an excellently working automatism for perceiving all kinds of new impressions, thanks to which "blessing" you have now, during your responsible life, no need to make any individual effort whatsoever. To speak frankly, I personally see the central point of my confession not in my lack of experience in the rules and procedures of writers, but in my ignorance of what I have called "bon ton literary language," required in contemporary life not only of authors but even of all ordinary mortals. As regards the former, that is to say, my lack of experience in the rules and procedures of writers, I am not greatly disturbed. And I am not disturbed, because in the life of contemporary people this lack of experience is in the order of things. This new "blessing" arose and is flourishing everywhere

on Earth thanks to an extraordinary disease which, for the last twenty or thirty years, for some reason or other, has afflicted all those persons from among the three sexes who sleep with half-open eyes, and whose faces are fertile soil for the growth of every kind of pimple. This strange disease is manifested thus if the invalid is somewhat literate and his rent is paid for three months in advance, he, she, or it inevitably starts writing some "instructive article," if not a whole book. Knowing all about this new human disease and its epidemic spread on Earth, I naturally have the right to assume that you have acquired "immunity" to it, as the "medical experts" would say, and that you will therefore not be too indignant at my lack of experience in the rules and procedures of writers That is why I make the center of gravity of my warning my ignorance of "bon ton literary language." In self-justification, and also perhaps to lessen the disapproval in your waking consciousness of my ignorance of this language indispensable for contemporary life, I consider it necessary to say, with humble heart and cheeks flushed with shame, that although I too was taught this language in my childhood, and although some of my elders who prepared me for responsible life constantly forced me, without sparing any means of intimidation, to learn by rote the host of nuances that in their totality compose this contemporary "delight," yet unfortunately, of course for you, of all that I learned by rote nothing stuck, and nothing whatever has survived for my present activities as a writer. And if nothing stuck, it was not through any fault of mine or of my former "respected" and "nonrespected" teachers This human labor was spent in vain owing to an unexpected and quite exceptional event that occurred at the moment of my appearance on God's Earth, at which moment—as a certain well-known European occultist explained to me after

very minute what are called "psycho-physico-astrological" investigations— through the hole in the window pane made by our crazy lame goat, there poured vibrations of sound from an Edison phonograph in the neighbor's house, while the midwife who delivered me had in her mouth a lozenge saturated with cocaine of German make, moreover not ersatz, which she was sucking to the sound of the music without the proper enjoyment. Aside from this event, rare in the everyday life of people, my present situation also came about because later on in my preparatory and adult life— as, I must confess, I myself surmised after long reflection based on the method of the German professor Herr Stumpfsinnschmausen—I always, both instinctively and automatically, and sometimes even consciously, that is, on principle, avoided using this language for intercourse with others. And I manifested myself thus in regard to this trifle, perhaps not such a trifle, thanks to three data formed in my entirety during my preparatory age— about which data I intend to inform you in this first chapter of my writings However that may be, the fact remains, illuminated from every side like an American advertisement—which fact cannot now be changed by any forces, even with the know-how of the "experts in monkey business"—that I, who have in recent years been considered by many people a rather good teacher of temple dances, have today become a professional writer, and will of course write a great deal—as it has been proper to me since childhood whenever I do anything to do a great deal of it—nevertheless, not having, as you see, the automatically acquired and automatically manifested practice needed for this, I shall be obliged to write all I have thought out in the plain, simple everyday language established by life, without any "literary manipulations" or "grammatical wiseacrings."

But the pot is not yet full! . . . I have still not decided the most important question of all in which language to write. Although I have begun to write in Russian, nevertheless in that language, as the wisest of the wise, Mullah Nasr Eddin, would say, "you cannot go far. "* The Russian language is very good—it cannot be denied I even like it, but only for swapping anecdotes and for referring to someone's parentage. The Russian language is like the English, which is also very good, but only for discussing in "smoking rooms," while settled in an easy chair with legs stretched out on another one, the topic of "Australian frozen meat" or, perhaps, the "Indian question." Both these languages are like the dish known in Moscow as "solianka," into which goes anything and everything except you and me—in fact, everything you wish, even the after-dinner "cheshma"† of Scheherazade. It must also be said that owing to all kinds of conditions accidentally, or perhaps not accidentally, formed in my youth, I have had to learn, very seriously and of course always with self-compulsion, to speak, read, and write a great many languages, and to such a degree of fluency that if in following this profession unexpectedly forced on me by fate I decided not to take advantage of the "automatism" acquired by practice, I could perhaps write in any one of them. But in order to make judicious use of this automatism acquired by long practice, I would have to write either in

* Mullah Nasr Eddin or as he is also called Nasr Eddin Hodja is little known in Europe and America but is very well known in all the countries of the continent of Asia He is a legendary personage corresponding somewhat to the German Till Eulenspiegel Many popular tales and savings are attributed to this Nasr Eddin some of long standing and others more recent all expressing "life wisdom." † "Cheshma" means veil

Russian or in Armenian, because during the last two or three decades the circumstances of my life have been such that I have had to use just these two languages for communication with others, and consequently have had more practice in them. Oh the devil! Even in a case like this, one of the aspects of my peculiar psyche, unusual for a normal man, has already begun to torment the whole of me. And the "torment" I feel at this moment, at my almost too mellow age, is derived from a property implanted in childhood in my peculiar psyche, with a lot of rubbish unnecessary for contemporary life, that automatically compels the whole of me always and in everything to act only according to popular wisdom. In the present case, as always when I am in doubt, there has just slipped uninvited into my brain, which is constructed unsuccessfully to the point of mockery, that saying of popular wisdom which existed in very ancient times and which has come down to our day in the following words "Every stick has two ends." In trying to understand the underlying thought and real meaning hidden in this strange formulation, any more or less sane-thinking man will, in my opinion, soon come to the conclusion that all the ideas contained in this saying are based on the truth, recognized by people for centuries, that every phenomenon in the life of man is due to two causes of opposite character, and divides into two exactly opposite results, which in their turn become the cause of new phenomena For example, if "something" obtained from two opposing causes produces light, then this "something" must also inevitably produce the opposite phenomenon, that is, darkness, or again, if a factor engenders an impulse of palpable satisfaction in the organism of a living creature, it likewise inevitably engenders dissatisfaction, of course also palpable, and so on and so forth, always and in everything.

Adopting here this example of popular wisdom formed in the course of centuries and expressed by the image of a stick, which as was said has indeed two ends, one end considered good and the other bad, then if I take advantage of the mentioned automatism acquired by me through long practice, it will of course be very good for me personally, but according to this saying, for the reader it will be just the opposite; and what the opposite of good is, even every nonpossessor of hemorrhoids can easily understand. In short, if I exercise my prerogative and take the good end of the stick, the bad end will inevitably fall "on the reader's head." This may indeed happen, for in Russian it is impossible to express the so to say niceties of philosophical questions, which I intend to touch upon in my writings rather fully; whereas, although it is possible to do so in Armenian, this language, to the misfortune of all contemporary Armenians, has now become quite impractical for expressing contemporary notions. In order to assuage the bitterness of my inner hurt owing to this, I must say that in my early youth, when I became interested in philological questions and was deeply absorbed in them, I preferred the Armenian language to all the others I then spoke, even including my native tongue. This language was my favorite at that time chiefly because it had its own character and had nothing in common with the neighboring or kindred languages All its "tonalities," as the learned philologists say, were peculiar to it alone and, as I understood even then, it corresponded perfectly to the psyche of the people of that nation. But during the last thirty or forty years I have witnessed such a change in this language that although it has not completely lost the originality and independence it had possessed since the remote past, it has now become a sort of "clownish potpourri of languages" whose consonances, falling on the

ear of a more or less attentive and conscious listener, sound like a collection of Turkish, Persian, French, Kurdish, and Russian tones, mixed with other "indigestible" and inarticulate noises. Almost the same might be said about my native language, Greek, which I spoke in childhood, and the taste of whose "automatic associative power" I still retain. I could, I dare say, express anything I wish in it even now, but it is impossible for me to employ it here for the simple and rather comical reason that someone must transcribe my writings and translate them into other languages. And who could do this? It can be said with certainty that even the best expert in modern Greek would understand simply nothing of what I would write in the tongue I assimilated in childhood, because during the last thirty or forty years my dear "compatriots," inflamed with the desire to be at all costs like the represen­ tatives of contemporary civilization even in their conversation, have treated my dear native language just as the Armenians, anxious to become Russian "intelligentsia," have treated theirs. The Greek language whose spirit and essence were transmitted to me by heredity and the language now spoken by contemporary Greeks are as much alike as, according to the expression of Mullah Nasr Eddin, "a nail is like a requiem." So what is now to be done?

Ah me! Never mind, esteemed buyer of my wiseacrings. As long as there is

plenty of French armagnac and Khaizarian "bastourma," I shall find a way even out of this tight corner. I am an old hand at this.

In life, I have so often gotten into difficult situations and out of them that

this has become almost a matter of habit with me. Meanwhile, I shall write partly in Russian and partly in Armenian, all the more since among those people always

hanging around me there are several who know how to get along more or less easily in both these languages, and I somehow entertain the hope that they will be able to transcribe and translate them fairly well for me. In any case I repeat, and repeat so that you may remember it well—not as you are in the habit of "remembering" other things, and on the basis of which you are accustomed to keeping your word of honor to others or to yourself—that no matter what language I use, I shall always and in everything avoid what I have called "bon ton literary language." With regard to this it is an extremely curious fact, perhaps more worthy of your love of knowledge than you may suppose, that from my earliest childhood, that is to say, ever since the birth in me of the need to rob birds' nests and to tease my friends' sisters, there arose in my "planetary body," as the ancient theosophists called it, and moreover—why I don't know—chiefly in the right half, an involuntary, instinctive sensation that up to the period of my life when I became a "teacher of dancing" was gradually formed into a definite feeling, and later, when thanks to this profession of mine I came in contact with people of many different types, the conviction also began to arise in what is called my "mind" that these languages, or rather their "grammars," are composed by people who with respect to knowledge of language are exactly like those biped animals whom the esteemed Mullah Nasr Eddin characterizes thus "All they can do is wrangle with pigs about the quality of oranges." People of this kind, who, due to rotten heredity and nauseating upbringing, on reaching a certain age have been turned into "voracious moths," destroying the good prepared and left for us by our ancestors and by time, have not the slightest notion and have never even heard of the blatantly obvious fact that during preparatory age there is acquired in the brain functioning of every creature, and thus

of man also, a definite property whose automatic manifestations proceed according to a certain law that the ancient Korkolans called the "law of associations," and that the process of mentation of every creature, especially man, flows exclusively in accordance with this law. Since I have happened to touch upon a question that has recently become almost an "obsession" of mine, namely, the process of human mentation, I consider it possible, without waiting for the place in my writings I had designated for the elucidation of this question, to speak at least a little in this first chapter about some information that accidentally became known to me According to this information, it was customary in long-past centuries on Earth for every man bold enough to aspire to the right to be considered by others and to consider himself a "conscious thinker" to be instructed, while still in the early years of his responsible existence, that man has two kinds of mentation one kind, mentation by thought, expressed by words always possessing a relative meaning, and another kind, proper to all animals as well as to man, which I would call "mentation by form." The second kind of mentation, that is, "mentation by form"—through which, by the way, the exact meaning of all writing should be perceived and then assimilated after conscious confrontation with information previously acquired—is determined in people by the conditions of geographical locality, climate, time, and in general the whole environment in which they have arisen and in which their existence has flowed up to adulthood. Thus, in the brains of people of different races living in different geographical localities under different conditions, there arise in regard to one and the same thing or idea quite different independent forms, which during the flow of associations evoke in their being a definite sensation giving

rise to a definite picturing, and this picturing is expressed by some word or other that serves only for its outer subjective expression. That is why each word for the same thing or idea almost always acquires for people of different geographical localities and races a quite specific and entirely different so to say "inner content." In other words, if in the "presence" of a man who has arisen and grown up in a given locality a certain "form" has been fixed as a result of specific local influences and impressions, this "form" evokes in him by association the sensation of a definite "inner content," and consequently a definite picturing or concept, for the expression of which he uses some word that has become habitual and, as I said, subjective to him, but the hearer of that word—in whose being, owing to the different conditions of his arising and growth, a form with a different "inner content" has been fixed for the given word—will always perceive and infallibly understand that word in quite another sense. This fact, by the way, can be clearly established by attentive and impartial observation during an exchange of opinions between persons belonging to different races or who arose and were formed in different geographical localities. And so, cheerful and swaggering candidate for a buyer of my "wiseacrings," having warned you that I am going to write not as professional writers usually do but quite otherwise, I advise you to reflect seriously before you embark on reading my further expositions, and only then to undertake it Otherwise, I am afraid that your hearing and other perceptive as well as digestive organs may be so thoroughly automatized to the "literary language of the intelligentsia" prevailing at the present time on Earth that these writings of mine might affect you very, very cacophonously, and thereby you might lose . . . do you know what? . . . your

appetite for your favorite dish, and that special psychic feature of yours which particularly "titillates your vitals" on catching sight of your neighbor, the brunette. That my language, or rather the form of my mentation, can produce such an effect I am, thanks to repeated past experiences, as much convinced with my whole being as a "thoroughbred donkey" is convinced of the rightness and justice of his obstinacy. Now that I have warned you of what is most important, I am tranquil about all that will follow. For if any misunderstanding should arise on account of my writings, you alone will be to blame, and my conscience will be as clear as for instance . . . ex-Kaiser Wilhelm's. In all probability you are now thinking that I am a young man with an "auspicious exterior" and, as some express it, "suspicious interior," and that, as a novice at writing, I am deliberately trying to be eccentric in the hope of becoming famous and thereby rich. If you really think so, you are very, very mistaken.

First of all, I am not young I have already lived so much that, as is said, I

have not only been "through the mill" but "through all the grindstones"; and second, I am not writing in order to make a career for myself, or to "plant myself firmly on my own feet" by means of this profession which, I must add, in my opinion provides for those who practice it many openings to become candidates direct for Hell— assuming of course that such people can in fact perfect their being to that extent—because, knowing nothing whatever themselves, they write all kinds of "claptrap" and, thus automatically acquiring authority, they develop year by year one of the chief factors for the weakening of the psyche of people, already sufficiently weakened without this And as regards my personal career, thanks to all forces high and low and, if you like, even right and left, I have

established it long ago, and have long been standing on "firm feet" and, it may be, on very good feet I am certain moreover that their strength will suffice for many more years, to the dismay of all my past, present, and future enemies. Yes. . . I think I might as well tell you about an idea that has only just arisen in my madcap brain, which is specially to request the printer to whom I shall entrust my first book to print this initial chapter of my writings in such a way that anybody can read it without cutting the pages of the book itself, whereupon, on learning that it is not written in the usual manner, that is, to help produce in the mind of the reader, very smoothly and easily, exciting images and lulling reveries, he may if he wishes, without wasting words with the bookseller, return it and get his money back, money perhaps earned by the sweat of his brow. And I shall do this without fail because I have just remembered the story of what happened to a certain Trans-caucasian Kurd, a story I heard in my early youth and which in later years, whenever I recalled it in similar cases, aroused in me an enduring and inextinguishable impulse of tenderness I think it will be very useful for me, as well as for you, if I relate this story in some detail. It will be useful chiefly because I have already decided to make the "salt" or, as contemporary "pure-blooded" Jewish businessmen would say, the "tzimmes" of this story one of the basic principles of that new literary form I intend to use for attaining the aim I am now pursuing in this new profession of mine. This Transcaucasian Kurd once set out from his village on some business or other to town, and there in the market he saw in a fruit stall a handsomely arranged display of all kinds of fruit. In this display he noticed one particular fruit, very beautiful in both color and form, and its appearance so took his

fancy and he so longed to try it that in spite of having scarcely any money he decided come what may to buy at least one of these gifts of Great Nature, and taste it. Then with intense eagerness and a boldness not customary to him, he entered the shop and, pointing with his horny finger at the fruit that had taken his fancy, asked the shopkeeper its price The shopkeeper replied that a pound of the fruit cost six coppers. Finding that the price was not at all high for what in his opinion was such beautiful fruit, our Kurd decided to buy a whole pound. Having finished his business in town, he set off again on foot for home that same day. Walking at sunset over the hills and dales, and willy-nilly perceiving the exterior aspect of those enchanting parts of the bosom of Great Nature, our Common Mother, and involuntarily inhaling the pure air, uncontaminated by the usual exhalations of industrial towns, our Kurd quite naturally felt a sudden wish to gratify himself with some ordinary food also, so sitting down by the side of the road, he took some bread from his provision bag and the "fruits" that had looked so good to him, and leisurely began to eat. But. . . horror of horrors! . . . very soon everything inside him began to burn. Yet in spite of this he kept on eating.

And this hapless biped creature of our planet kept on eating, thanks only to

that particular human inherency I mentioned, the principle of which I have decided to use as the basis of the new literary form I have created, and which will serve as a "guiding beacon" leading me to one of my aims You will, I am sure, soon grasp the sense and meaning of this—of course according to the degree of your comprehension—during the reading of any subsequent chapter of my writings, that is, if you take the risk and read further,

or perhaps even at the end of this first chapter you will already "smell" something. And so, just at the moment when our Kurd was overwhelmed by all the unusual sensations aroused within him by this strange repast on the bosom of Nature, there came along the same road a fellow villager of his, reputed by those who knew him to be very clever and experienced, and seeing that the whole face of the Kurd was aflame and that his eyes were streaming with tears, and that in spite of this, as if intent upon the fulfillment of his most important duty, he was eating real "red pepper pods," he said to him "What are you doing, you Jericho jackass? You'll be burnt alive! Stop eating that barbarous stuff, so foreign to your nature." But our Kurd replied "No, for nothing on Earth will I stop. Didn't I pay my last six coppers for them? Even if my soul departs from my body, I will go on eating." Whereupon our resolute Kurd—it must of course be assumed that he was such—did not stop, but went on eating the red peppers. After what you have just perceived, I hope there may already be arising in your mentation a corresponding association, which should finally lead you, as sometimes happens with certain people, to what you call "understanding " And then you will understand why I—well knowing and having often felt pity for this human inherency, whose inevitable manifestation is that if anybody pays money for something he is bound to use it to the end—was animated in my whole presence by the idea that arose in my mentation of taking every possible measure so that you, my "brother in appetite and in spirit," as they say—in the event of your being accustomed to reading books written exclusively in the "language of the intelligentsia"—having already paid money for my writings, and discovering only afterward that they

are not written in the usual convenient and easily read language, should not be compelled to read them through to the end at any cost, as our poor Transcaucasian Kurd was compelled to go on eating what he had fancied for its appearance alone—that not-to-be-joked-with, noble "red pepper." And so, to avoid any misunderstanding on account of this property, which arises from data formed in the "presence" of contemporary man thanks to his frequenting the cinema and never missing an opportunity of looking into the left eye of persons of the other sex, I wish to have this opening chapter of mine printed in the said manner, so that everyone can read it through without cutting the pages of the book itself. Otherwise the bookseller will, as is said, "cavil," and behave without fail according to the basic principle of all booksellers, formulated in the following words "You are more a fool than a fisherman if you let go the fish that has swallowed the bait," and will decline to take back a book whose pages have been cut I have no doubt that this would happen Indeed, I fully expect such lack of conscience on the part of the booksellers. My certainty about this lack of conscience on the part of booksellers comes from data formed in me during the period when I was a professional "Indian fakir" and, in order to clarify a certain "ultraphilosophical" question, I had to become familiar with the associative process of the manifestation of the automatically constructed psyche in contemporary booksellers and their salesmen, when palming off books on their buyers. Knowing all this and having become, since the accident that befell me, just and fastidious in the extreme, I cannot help repeating, or rather I cannot help warning you again and even insistently advising you, before beginning to cut

the pages of this first book of mine, to read very attentively, even more than once, this first chapter of my writings. But if notwithstanding this warning of mine you still wish to become acquainted with the rest of my expositions, there is nothing left for me but to wish you with all my "genuine soul" a very, very good "appetite," and that you may "digest" everything you read, not only for your own health but for the health of all those near you. I said "with my genuine soul" because recently, living here in Europe, and frequently meeting people who on every appropriate and inappropriate occasion are fond of taking in vain sacred names that belong only to man's inner life, that is to say, of swearing to no purpose, and being, as I have already confessed, a follower—not only in theory, like contemporary people, but also in practice—of the sayings of popular wisdom established throughout the centuries, among which is one that corresponds to the present case and is expressed in the words "When you are in Rome do as the Romans do"—in order not to be out of harmony with the custom established here in Europe of swearing in ordinary conversation, and at the same time to act according to the commandment enunciated by the holy lips of Saint Moses not to take the sacred names in vain—I decided to make use of one of the oddities of that freshly baked fashionable language called "English," and each time the occa­ sion requires it, to swear by my "English soul." The point is that in this fashionable language the word for "soul" and the word for the bottom of the foot, also "sole," are pronounced and even written almost alike. I do not know how it is for you, who are already half a candidate for a buyer of my writings, but as for me, no matter how great my mental desire, my peculiar nature cannot avoid being indignant at this manifestation of people of contemporary civilization, whereby the very highest in man,

particularly beloved by our Common Father Creator, can be named and often understood as that which is lowest and dirtiest in man. Well, enough of "philologizing." Let us return to the main task of this initial chapter, intended, among other things, to stir up my drowsy thoughts as well as yours, and also to give the reader a warning. I have already composed in my head the plan and sequence of my intended expositions, but what form they will take on paper, speaking frankly, I do not yet know with my consciousness; but in my subconscious, I already definitely feel that on the whole they will take the form of something, so to say, "hot," and will act on the common presence of every reader just as the red pepper pods did on the poor Transcaucasian Kurd. Now that you have become familiar with the story of our common countryman, the Transcaucasian Kurd, I consider it my duty to make a confession to you. Before going on with this first chapter, which serves as an introduction to all that I plan to write, I wish to inform your so-called "pure waking consciousness" of the fact that, in the chapters following this warning, I shall expound my thoughts intentionally in such a sequence and with such logical confrontation that the essence of certain real ideas may pass automatically from this "waking consciousness," which most people in their ignorance mistake for the real consciousness, but which I affirm and experimentally prove is the fictitious one, into what you call the "subconscious"— which in my opinion ought to be the real human con­ sciousness—in order that these concepts may mechanically bring about by themselves that transformation which in general should proceed in the common presence of a man and give him, by means of his own active mentation, the

results proper to him as a man and not merely as a one- or two-brained animal I decided to do this without fail so that this introductory chapter, intended as I have already said to awaken your consciousness, may fully justify its purpose and, reaching not only your, in my opinion, "fictitious consciousness" but also your real consciousness, that is to say, what you call your "subconscious," may compel you for the first time to reflect actively. In the "presence" of every man, irrespective of his heredity and education, there are formed two independent consciousnesses, having almost nothing in common either in their functioning or in their manifestations. One consciousness is formed from the perception of all kinds of mechanical impressions, arising accidentally or deliberately produced by others, including almost all words, which are indeed only empty "sounds", and the other consciousness is formed partly from the "previously fixed ma­ terial results" transmitted to a man by heredity, which have become blended with the corresponding parts of his common presence, and partly from his intentionally evoked associative confrontations of these "materialized results This second human consciousness, which in itself as well as in its manifestations is none other than what is called the "subconscious," and which is formed, as I have just said, from the "materialized results" of heredity and the confrontations produced by a man's own intention, is the one that in my opinion—based on many years of experimental investigations carried out under exceptionally favorable conditions—should predominate in his common presence. In view of this conviction of mine, which doubtless seems to you the fantasy of an afflicted mind, I cannot now, as you yourself see, disregard this second consciousness, and am thus obliged by my essence to construct this first chapter of

my writings, which should serve as a preface for all that follows, in such a way that it will reach and, in the manner required for my aim, "ruffle" the perceptions accumulated in both these consciousnesses of yours. Continuing my exposition with this idea in mind, I must first of all inform your fictitious consciousness that, thanks to three definite and peculiar psychic data crystallized in my common presence during my preparatory age, I am really "unique" at so to say "muddling and befuddling" all the notions and convictions supposedly firmly fixed in the presences of people with whom I come in contact. Tut! Tut! Tut! I already sense that in your false—but according to you "real"—consciousness there are beginning to be agitated, like horseflies, all kinds of data bequeathed to you by heredity from your "uncle" and "mama," the totality of which, always and in everything, engenders in you the really touching impulse of curiosity—in this instance, to find out as quickly as possible why I, a mere novice at writing, whose name has not even once been mentioned in the newspapers, have suddenly become unique. Never mind! I personally am very pleased to see this curiosity arise in you, even though only in your "false" consciousness, as I know from experience that this impulse unworthy of man can sometimes change its nature and become a worthy impulse called the "desire for knowledge," which in its turn helps a contemporary man to perceive and even to understand more clearly the essence of any object on which his attention happens to be concentrated, and therefore I am willing and even glad to satisfy this curiosity that has arisen in you So listen, and try to justify and not disappoint my expectations This original personality of mine, already "sniffed out" by certain Individuals from both choirs of the Judgment Seat Above whence Objective Justice proceeds, and also here on

Earth by an as yet very limited number of people, is based, as I have already said, on three specific data formed in me at different times during my preparatory age. The first of these three data, from the moment of its arising, became as it were the chief directing lever of my entire whole, while the other two became the "vivifying sources" for the nourishing and perfecting of the first This first datum arose in me when I was still, as is said, a "chubby mite " My dear, now deceased, grandmother was then still alive and was a hundred and some years old. When my grandmother—may she attain the Kingdom of Heaven—was dying, my mother, as was then the custom, took me to her bedside and, as I kissed her right hand, my dear grandmother placed her dying left hand on my head and said in a whisper, yet very distinctly: "Eldest of my grandsons! Listen and always remember my strict injunction to you: In life never do as others do." Having said this, she gazed at the bridge of my nose and, evidently noticing my perplexity and my obscure understanding of what she had said, added somewhat angrily and imperiously: "Either do nothing—just go to school—or do something nobody else does Whereupon she immediately, without hesitation and with a perceptible impulse of disdain for all around her, and with commendable self-cognizance, gave up her soul directly into the hands of His Faithfulness, the Archangel Gabriel. I think it will be interesting and perhaps even instructive for you to know that all this made so powerful an impression on me that I was suddenly unable to endure anyone around me, and as soon as we left the room where the mortal "planetary body" of the cause of the cause of my arising lay, I, very quietly, trying not to attract attention, stole away to the pit where, during Lent, the bran and potato peelings were stored for our "sanitarians," that is to say, our pigs.

And I lay there, without food or drink, in a tempest of whirling and confused thoughts—of which, fortunately for me, I still had only a very limited number in my childish brain— right until my mother's return from the cemetery, when the weeping that was shaking her after finding me absent and searching for me in vain "broke in" on me. At once I climbed out of the pit and stood a moment on the edge, for some reason or other with hands outstretched; then I ran to her and, clinging fast to her skirt, involuntarily began to stamp my feet and—why I don't know—to imitate the braying of the donkey that belonged to our neighbor, the bailiff. Why all this produced such a strong impression on me just then, and why I almost automatically behaved so strangely, I still cannot make out, though during recent years, particularly on the days known as "Shrovetide," I have pondered over it a great deal, trying to discover the reason. I have only reached the logical supposition that it was because the room where this sacred scene occurred, which was to have tremendous significance for the whole of my future life, was permeated through and through with the scent of a special incense brought from a monastery of Mount Athos and very popular among followers of every shade of belief of the Christian religion. Whatever it may have been, those are the facts. During the days following this event, nothing particular happened in my general state, unless it was that I walked more often than usual with my feet in the air, that is to say, on my hands. My first act that was obviously not in accord with the manifestations of others, though without the participation either of my consciousness or of my subconscious, occurred on exactly the fortieth day after my grandmother's death, when our family, our relatives, and all those who had esteemed my dear grandmother, who was loved by every-

body, were gathered in the cemetery, as was the custom, to perform over her mortal remains reposing in the grave what is called the "requiem service " Suddenly, without rhyme or reason, instead of observing what was conventional among people of all degrees of tangible and intangible morality and of every station in life, that is, instead of standing quietly as if overwhelmed, with an expression of grief on one's face and even if possible with tears in one's eyes, I started skipping and dancing around the grave and sang: Let her with the saints repose, She was a rare one, goodness knows! . . . and so on and so forth. And from this moment on, as regards any form of "aping," that is, imitating the habitual automatized manifestations of those around me, a "something" always arose in my presence, engendering what I should now call an "irresistible urge" to do things not as others do. At that age, for example, I did such things as the following: when my brother, sisters, and the neighbors' children who came to play with us were learning to catch a ball only with the right hand, and threw it in the air, I would first bounce the ball hard on the ground, and when it rebounded, after first doing a somersault, would catch it, but only with the thumb and middle finger of the left hand; or if all the other children slid down the hill headfirst, I would try to do it, and moreover better and better each time, "backside first"; or if we were given various kinds of Abaramian pastries, and the others, before putting them into their mouths, would first of all lick them, evidently to try their flavor and prolong the pleasure, I would first sniff one on all sides and perhaps even put it to my ear and listen intently, and then, almost unconsciously, though very seriously, I would mutter to myself, "enough is enough, you don't need to stuff!"

and humming to an appropriate rhythm, would swallow it whole without savoring it, and so on and so forth. The first event that gave rise to one of the two data I mentioned, which became the "vivifying sources" for nourishing and perfecting my deceased grandmother's injunction, occurred just at the age when I changed from a chubby mite into what is called a "young rascal," and had already begun, as is sometimes said, to be a "candidate for a young man of pleasing appearance and dubious content." And this event occurred under the following circumstances, which were perhaps even specially combined by Fate. One day, with a number of young rascals like myself, I was setting snares for pigeons on the roof of a neighbor's house, when suddenly one of the boys who was standing over me and watching me closely said: "I think the horsehair noose ought to be set so that the pigeon's big toe never gets caught in it because, as our zoology teacher recently explained to us, it is just in that toe that the pigeon's reserve strength is concentrated, and of course if this big toe gets caught in the noose, the pigeon might easily break it." Another boy, leaning over just opposite me—from whose mouth, by the way, whenever he spoke saliva always splashed abundantly in all directions— snapped at this remark of the first boy and delivered himself, with a copious shower of saliva, of the following words: "Shut your trap, you hopeless mongrel offshoot of the Hottentots! What an abortion you are, just like your teacher' Even if it's true that the pigeon's greatest physical force is concentrated in its big toe, then all the more reason for seeing that just that toe gets caught in the noose Only then can there be any importance for our aim—that is, catching these unfortunate pigeon creatures—in a certain particularity

proper to all possessors of that soft and slippery 'something,' the brain, which consists in this, that when, thanks to the action of other influences, on which its insignificant power of manifestation depends, there arises what is called a 'change of presence,' periodically necessary according to law, the slight confusion that should proceed for the intensification of other manifestations of the general functioning immediately enables the center of gravity of the whole organism, in which this slippery 'something' plays a very small part, to shift temporarily from its usual place to another place, and this often leads to unexpected results in the general functioning, ridiculous to the point of absurdity." He discharged the last words with such a shower of saliva that it was as if my face had been exposed to one of those "atomizers"—not of ersatz production—invented by the Germans to spray material with aniline dyes. This was more than I could endure, and without changing my squatting position, I flung myself at him head first, hitting him full force in the pit of the stomach, which instantly laid him out flat and made him, as is said, "lose consciousness." I do not know or wish to know what results will be formed in your mentation on learning about the strange convergence of life circumstances I will now describe, but for my mentation, this coincidence provided material for reinforcing my belief that all the events that occurred in my youth, far from being simply the results of chance, were created intentionally by certain extraneous forces. The point is that this dexterity had been taught me very thoroughly only a few days before this event by a Greek priest from Turkey, who, persecuted by the Turks for his political convictions, had been compelled to flee from there, and on arriving in our town had been engaged by my parents to teach me the modern Greek language. I do not know on what he based his political convictions

and ideas, but I remember very well that in all our conversations, even when he was explaining the difference between ancient and modern Greek exclamations, it was apparent that this Greek priest was always dreaming of getting to the island of Crete as soon as possible, and manifesting himself there as befits a true patriot. Well then, on beholding the effect of my skill, I was, I must confess, extremely frightened, because knowing nothing about such a reaction to a blow in that place, I was quite sure I had killed him. While I was experiencing this fear, another boy, a cousin of the one who had become the first victim of my so to say "skill in self-defense," seeing what I had done and obviously overcome by a feeling called "consanguinity," without a moment's pause leaped at me and with a wide swing punched me in the jaw. From this blow I "saw stars," as is said, and at the same time my mouth felt as full as if it had been stuffed with enough food for the artificial fattening of a thousand chickens. After a little while, when both these strange sensations had calmed down within me, I discovered that there actually was some foreign substance in my mouth, and when I pulled it out with my fingers, it turned out to be nothing less than a tooth of large dimensions and strange form. Seeing me staring at this extraordinary tooth, all the boys swarmed around me, and also began staring at it with great curiosity and in deep silence. By this time the boy who had been laid out flat recovered and, picking himself up, also began to stare at my tooth with the other boys, just as if nothing had happened to him. This strange tooth had seven prongs, and at the end of each of them a drop of blood stood out in relief, and through each separate drop there shone clearly and distinctly one of the seven aspects of the manifestation of the white ray.

After this silence, rare among us young rascals, the usual hubbub broke out again, and in noisy chorus we decided to go at once to the barber, a specialist in extracting teeth, and to ask him why this tooth was like that. So we all clambered down from the roof and went off to the barber's And I, as the "hero of the day," stalked at the head of them all. The barber, after a casual glance, said it was simply a "wisdom tooth" and that all members of the male sex have one like it—that is, all those who up to the time when they can say "papa" and "mama" are fed exclusively on their own mother's milk, and who are able at first sight to pick out from many others the face of their own father. From all the effects of this event in which my poor "wisdom tooth" became a complete sacrifice, not only did my consciousness begin, from that time onward, to absorb on every occasion the very essence of the essence of my deceased grandmother's behest—may she attain the Kingdom of Heaven—but also, because I did not go to a "qualified dentist" to have the socket of my former tooth treated, which as a matter of fact I could not do since we lived too far from any contemporary center of culture, a "something" began to ooze chronically from this socket, which had the property—as was only recently explained to me by a famous meteorologist with whom I chanced to become bosom friends during frequent meetings in the all-night restaurants of Montmartre—of arousing an interest in and a tendency to seek out the causes of every suspicious "actual fact", and this property, not transmitted by heredity to my common presence, gradually and automatically led to my becoming a specialist in the investigation of every "suspicious phe­ nomenon" that, as so often happened, came my way. And when, of course with the cooperation of our All-Common Master, the Merciless Heropass, that is, the "flow of time," I was transformed into the young man I have

already described, this new property became a real inextinguishable hearth, always burning, of consciousness. The second vivifying factor I mentioned, which brought about the complete fusion of my dear grandmother's injunction with all the data making up my individuality, was the totality of impressions received from information I chanced to acquire concerning the origin here on Earth of a principle, which later became—as was demonstrated by Mr. Allan Kardec during an "absolutely secret" spiritualistic séance—one of the chief "life principles" among beings arising and existing on all the other planets of our Great Universe. This all-universal principle of living is formulated in the following words: "If you go on a spree, then go the whole hog, including the postage." As this now-universal principle arose on the same planet as you and where, moreover, you spend most of your time lolling about on a bed of roses and frequently dance the fox trot, I consider that I have no right to withhold from you the information I have that will help you understand certain details of the origin of that universal principle. Soon after the inculcation in my nature of the new inherency I mentioned, that is, the unaccountable striving to learn the real causes of all sorts of "actual facts," I arrived for the first time in the heart of Russia, in the city of Moscow, where, finding nothing else for the satisfaction of my psychic needs, I occupied myself with investigating Russian legends and sayings. And one day—whether accidentally or as a result of some objective lawful chain of circumstances, I do not know—I came across the following story. Once upon a time a certain Russian, who to all appearances was just a simple merchant, had to go on some business or other from his provincial town to this second capital of his

country, the city of Moscow, and his son—his favorite one, because he resembled only his mother—asked him to bring back a certain book. When the great, unconscious author of this all-universal principle of living arrived in Moscow, he and a friend of his, as was and still is the custom there, got "blind drunk" on genuine Russian vodka. And when these two members of one of the large contemporary groupings of biped breathing creatures had drunk the proper number of glasses of this "Russian blessing," and were launched on a discussion about what is called "public education"—a topic with which it has long been customary to begin a conversation—our merchant suddenly remembered by association his dear son's request, and decided to set off at once with his friend to a bookshop to buy the book. In the shop, after looking through the book that the salesman had handed him, the merchant asked its price. The salesman replied that the book cost sixty kopecks. Noticing that the price marked on the cover of the book was only forty-five kopecks, our merchant first began to ponder in an unusual way—especially unusual for Russians—and then, with a certain movement of his shoulders, he straightened himself up like a ramrod and, throwing out his chest like an officer of the guards, said after a little pause, very quietly but in a tone of great authority: "But it is marked here forty-five kopecks. Why do you ask sixty?" Thereupon the salesman, putting on the "oleaginous" face proper to all salesmen, replied that indeed the book cost only forty-five kopecks, but had to be sold for sixty because fifteen kopecks were added for postage. At this reply our Russian merchant was greatly perplexed by these two quite contradictory but obviously reconcilable facts, and something visibly began to proceed in him, and gazing up at the ceiling he again began to ponder, this time

like an English professor who has just invented a capsule for castor oil, then, suddenly turning to his friend, he delivered himself for the first time on Earth of the verbal formulation which, expressing in its essence an indubitable objective truth, has since assumed the character of a proverb. And he put it to his friend as follows:

"Never mind, old fellow, we'll take the book. Anyhow we're on a spree

today, and 'if you go on a spree, then go the whole hog, including the postage.' " As for me, unfortunately doomed while still living to experience the delights of Hell, as soon as I had become aware of all this, something very strange that I have never experienced before or since began to proceed in me and continued for rather a long time, it was as if all the usual associations and experiences from various sources were, as contemporary Hivintzes would say, "running races" inside me. At the same time, in the whole region of my spine there began an intense, almost unbearable itching and in the very center of my solar plexus an equally unbearable colic, and after a while these two mutually stimulating sensations gave way suddenly to a peaceful inner state such as I experienced in later life only once, when the ceremony of the "great initiation" into the brotherhood of the "makers of butter from air" was performed over me And later, when my "I," that is, this "something unknown" which in ancient times a certain eccentric—called by those around him a "learned man," as we still call such persons—defined as a "relatively mobile arising, depending on the quality of functioning of thought, feeling, and organic automatism," and which another renowned scholar of antiquity, the Arabian Mal el-Lel, defined as "the compound result of consciousness, the subconscious, and instinct"—a definition, by the way, which was later "borrowed" and repeated in a different form by the no less renowned and learned Greek, Xenophon—

when this same "I" turned its dazed attention within, I first constated very clearly that everything, even down to each single word of this saying, recognized as an "all-universal life principle," was transformed in me into a special cosmic substance which, merging with the data crystallized long before from my deceased grandmother's behest, was converted into a "something" which, flowing everywhere through my whole presence, settled forever in each atom composing it There and then my ill-fated "I" felt distinctly and, with an impulse of submission, became aware of the for me sad fact that, from that moment on, always and in everything, without exception, I would willy-nilly have to manifest myself according to this inherency formed in me, not in accordance with the laws of heredity or even under the influence of surrounding conditions, but arising in my common presence from the action of three external, accidental causes having nothing in common first, from the injunction of a person who had become, without the slightest desire on my part, the passive cause of the cause of my arising, second, because a tooth of mine was knocked out by some ragamuffin, chiefly on account of somebody else's "slobbering", and third, thanks to the verbal formulation delivered in a drunken state by a person totally unknown to me—a certain "Russian merchant." If before my acquaintance with this "all-universal principle of living" I had manifested myself differently from other biped animals like myself, arising and vegetating on the same planet, I did so automatically and sometimes only half-consciously, but after this event I began to do so consciously and, moreover, with an instinctive sensation of the two blended impulses of selfsatisfaction and self-awareness, in correctly and honorably fulfilling my duty to Great Nature. It must be emphasized that although even before this event I did everything not as others did, my manifestations scarcely attracted the attention of those around me but, from the

moment when the essence of this principle of living was assimilated in my nature, then on the one hand all my manifestations, whether directed toward an aim or merely to "pass the time," acquired vivifyingness, and began to assist the formation of "corns" on the organs of perception of every creature similar to me, without exception, who turned his attention directly or indirectly toward my actions, and on the other hand I began to carry out all these actions in accordance with the injunction of my deceased grandmother to the utmost possible limits, moreover, the practice was automatically acquired in me when beginning anything new and also at any change, of course on a large scale, always to utter, silently or aloud: "If you go on a spree, then go the whole hog, including the postage." In the present case, for example, since owing to causes not dependent on me but flowing from the strange and accidental circumstances of my life I happen to be writing books, I am compelled to do this also in keeping with that same principle, which has gradually been fixed in me by various extraordinary coincidences created by life itself, and has blended with each atom of my common presence. This time I shall put this psycho-organic principle of mine into practice by not following the custom of all writers, established from the remote past down to the present, of taking as the theme of their various writings the events that supposedly have occurred or are now occurring on Earth, but instead I shall take events on the scale of the whole Universe Thus also in the present case, "If you take, then take!"—that is to say, "If you go on a spree, then go the whole hog, including the postage." Any writer can write on the scale of the Earth, but I am not any writer

Can I confine myself merely to this "paltry Earth" of ours—paltry, that is, in the objective sense? No, this I cannot do I cannot take for my writings the same themes that other writers generally take, if only because what our learned spiritualists affirm might suddenly come true and my grandmother might hear of this, and do you realize what might happen to her, to my dear beloved grandmother? Would she not turn in her grave, as they say? And not only once, but—as I understand her, especially now that I have become quite skillful at entering into the position of another—she would turn so many times that she might al­ most be transformed into an "Irish weathercock." Please, reader, do not be alarmed I shall, of course, also write of the Earth, but with such an impartial attitude that this comparatively small planet and everything on it will correspond to the place it occupies in reality, and which, even according to your own sane logic—arrived at thanks, of course, to my guidance—it must occupy in our Great Universe. And of course I must make the various what are called "heroes" of my writings not such types as in general the writers of all ranks and in all epochs on Earth have described and extolled, that is, types such as those Toms, Dicks, or Harrys who are born through a misunderstanding and, during the process of their formation up to "responsible life" fail to acquire anything proper to a creature in the image of God—that is to say, a man—and who, until their last breath, progressively cultivate in themselves only such "charms" as "lasciviousness," "mawkishness," "amorousness," "malice," "chicken-heartedness," "envy," and similar vices unworthy of a man. I intend to introduce in my writings heroes of such a kind that everybody must willy-nilly sense them with his whole being as real, and about whom data must inevitably be crys-

tallized in every reader for the notion that each one of them is indeed a "somebody" and not just "anybody." During these last weeks, while lying in bed, my body completely exhausted, I mentally drafted a summary of my future writings and thought out the form and sequence of their exposition; and I decided to make the chief hero of the first series of my writings ... do you know whom? . . . the great Beelzebub himself. And I did this in spite of the fact that, from the very outset, this choice of mine might evoke in the mentation of most of my readers such associations as would engender in them all kinds of automatic contradictory impulses coming from the data infallibly formed in the psyche of people by all the established abnormal conditions of their external existence, and in general "crystallized" in them thanks to the famous "religious morality" rooted in their life—all of which must inevitably result in an inexplicable hostility toward me personally. But do you know what, reader? In the event that you decide, despite this warning, to risk further acquaintance with my writings, and you try to absorb them always in a spirit of impartiality and try to understand the very essence of the questions I intend to elucidate, I now wish—in view of an inherency in the human psyche whereby the good can be perceived without opposition only when a "contact of mutual frankness and confidence" is established—to make a sincere confession to you about the associations that arose in me and precipitated in the corresponding sphere of my consciousness the data that prompted the whole of my individuality to select as the chief hero of my writings just such an individual as is presented before your inner eyes by this same Mr. Beelzebub. I did this not without cunning. My cunning lies simply in the logical supposition that if I pay him this attention he

will infallibly—as up till now I have no reason to doubt— show his gratitude by helping me in my intended writings with all the means at his command. Although Mr Beelzebub is, as the saying goes, of "a different clay," yet— as I learned long ago from the treatise of the famous Catholic monk, Brother Foolon—he has a curly tail, so I—being thoroughly convinced from experi­ ence that curls are never natural but can be obtained only by various intentional manipulations—have to conclude, according to the "sane logic" formed in my consciousness from reading books on chiromancy, that Mr Beelzebub must also have a good share of vanity, and will therefore find it extremely awkward not to help someone who is going to advertise his name. It is not for nothing that our incomparable teacher, Mullah Nasr Eddin, frequently says: "Without greasing the palm, not only is it impossible to live tolerably anywhere but even to breathe." And another terrestrial sage, named Till Eulenspiegel, who also based his wisdom on the crass stupidity of people, has expressed the same idea in the following words: "If you don't grease the wheels the cart won't go."

Knowing these and many other sayings of popular wisdom, formed

throughout the centuries in the collective life of people, I have decided to

"grease the palm" of Mr Beelzebub, who, as everyone realizes, has means and

knowledge enough and to spare.

Hold on, old fellow! Joking, even philosophical joking, aside, it seems that

with all these digressions, you have violated one of the chief principles that

you had made the basis of the system you planned for actualizing your dreams

through this new profession the principle to remember and always take into

account the weakening of the function of

thinking in the contemporary reader, and not to fatigue him with the perception of numerous ideas over a short period of time. Moreover, when I asked one of those people who are always hanging around me, "eager to enter Paradise without fail with their boots on," to read aloud straight through everything I have written in this introductory chapter, what is called my "I"—of course, with the participation of all the data formed in my peculiar psyche during the course of my life, which have given me, among other things, an understanding of the psyche of creatures like myself but of different types—my "I" perceived and cognized with certainty that, thanks to this chapter alone, there must inevitably arise in the common presence of every reader without exception a "something" automatically engendering a marked hostility toward me personally. To tell the truth, it is not this which worries me the most at the moment, what worries me is the fact that at the end of the reading I also perceived that in the sum total of everything expounded in this chapter, my whole presence, in which the aforesaid "I" plays a very small part, manifested itself in a way quite contrary to one of the fundamental commandments of that universal teacher whom I particularly esteem, Mullah Nasr Eddin, which he expressed in the words: "Never poke your stick into a hornets' nest." But the agitation that had pervaded the whole system animating my feelings when I realized that an animosity toward me must necessarily arise in the reader immediately quieted down when I remembered the ancient Russian proverb that states "There is no offence which with time will not blow over—time grinds every grain into flour " Since then, the agitation that arose from realizing my failure to obey the commandment of Mullah Nasr Eddin no longer troubles me in the least, nevertheless, a very strange process

has begun in both of my recently acquired "souls," taking the form of an unusual itching, which has increased progressively until it now produces an almost intolerable pain in the region a little below the right half of my already over-exercised "solar plexus." Wait! Wait! . . . This process, it seems, is also quieting down, and in the depths of my consciousness—let us say meanwhile even of my "subconscious"—there is beginning to arise everything required to assure me that it will cease entirely, for I have just remembered another fragment of life wisdom, which leads me to understand that if indeed I acted against the advice of the highly esteemed Mullah Nasr Eddin, I nevertheless did so without premeditation according to the principle of that extremely engaging—not widely known on Earth, yet unforgettable by anyone who once met him —that precious nugget, Karapet of Tiflis. Well, it can't be helped . . . now that my introductory chapter has turned out to be so long, it will not matter if I spin it out a little more to tell you also about this extremely engaging Karapet of Tiflis. First of all I must state that twenty or twenty-five years ago the Tiflis railway station had a "steam whistle " It was blown every morning to wake up the railway workers and station hands and, as the Tiflis station stood on a hill, this whistle was heard almost all over the town, and woke up not only the railway workers but all the other inhabitants as well. The Tiflis local government, as I recall it, even entered into a lengthy correspondence with the railway authorities about the disturbance of the morning sleep of the peaceful citizens. To release the steam into the whistle every morning was the job of this same Karapet, who was employed in the station

When he would come in the morning to the rope by which he released the steam into the whistle, before taking hold of the rope and pulling it, he would wave his arms in all directions, and solemnly, like a Muslim mullah from a minaret, cry in a loud voice: "Your mother is a —! Your father is a —! Your grandfather is more than a —! May your eyes, ears, nose, spleen, liver, corns, . . . " et cetera In short, he pronounced in various keys all the curses he knew, and not until he had done so would he pull the rope. When I heard about this Karapet and this practice of his, I went to see him one evening after the day's work, with a small "boordook" of Kahketeenian wine, and after performing the indispensable solemn "toasting ritual" of the locality, I asked him, of course in a suitable form, according to the local code of "amenities" established for mutual relationship, why he did this. He emptied his glass at a draught and, having sung the famous Georgian song "Drink up again, boys," obligatory when drinking, he began in a leisurely way to answer as follows: "Since you drink wine not as people do today, that is, merely for appearances, but in fact honestly, this already shows me that, unlike our engineers and technicians who plague me with questions, you wish to know about this practice of mine not out of curiosity but from a genuine desire for knowledge, and therefore I wish, and even consider it my duty, to confess to you sincerely the exact reason for the inner so to say scrupulous considerations that led me to this." He then related the following:

"Formerly I used to work in this station at night cleaning the boilers, but

when they put in the steam whistle, the stationmaster, evidently considering

my age and incapacity for the heavy work I was doing, gave me the one job of

releasing the steam into the whistle, for which I had to arrive punctually every morning and evening. "The very first week of my new service, I noticed that after performing this duty of mine I felt vaguely ill at ease for an hour or two. "But when this queer feeling, increasing day by day, eventually became a definite instinctive uneasiness from which even my appetite for 'makokh' disappeared, I began to rack my brains in order to find out the cause I thought about it with particular intensity, for some reason or other, while going to and coming from my work, but however hard I tried I could not make anything clear to myself, even approximately. "Things went on like this for almost six months, and the palms of my hands had become calloused from the rope of the steam whistle when, quite suddenly and accidentally, I understood why I was experiencing this uneasiness. "The shock that brought about a correct understanding, resulting in the formation of an unshakable conviction, was a certain exclamation I happened to hear in the following rather peculiar circumstances. "One morning when I had not had enough sleep, since I spent the first half of the night at the christening of my neighbor's ninth daughter, and the other half reading a rare and very interesting book I had come across entitled Dreams and Witchcraft, I was hurrying on my way to release the steam, when I suddenly saw at a street corner a barber-surgeon I knew, employed in the local government service, who beckoned me to stop. "The function of this barber-surgeon friend of mine was to go through the town at certain hours, accompanied by an assistant pushing a specially constructed cart, and to seize all the stray dogs whose collars lacked the metal tags issued by the local authorities on payment of the tax He then had to take these dogs to the municipal slaughterhouse, where

they were kept for two weeks at the town's expense and fed on slaughterhouse offal. If by the end of this period their owners had not claimed them and paid the tax, these dogs were driven, with a certain solemnity, down a passageway that led directly to a specially designed oven. "Shortly afterward, from the other end of this remarkable and salutary oven, there flowed, with a delightful gurgling sound, a certain quantity of pellucid and ideally clean fat, to the profit of the fathers of our town, for the manufacture of soap and also perhaps of something else, while, with a purling sound no less delightful to the ear, there poured out a fair quantity of useful substances for fertilizer. "My friend, the barber-surgeon, proceeded in the following simple and admirably skillful manner to catch the dogs. "He had somewhere obtained an old, quite large fishing net, which he carried on his broad shoulders, folded in a suitable manner, and during these peculiar excursions of his through the slums of our town for the good of humanity, when a dog 'without its passport' came within range of his allseeing and for the whole canine species terrible eye, he, without haste and with the softness of a panther, would steal up close to it and, seizing a favorable moment when his victim was interested and attracted by something, would cast his net over it and quickly entangle it. Then, pulling up the cart to which a cage was attached, he would disentangle the dog in such a way that it found itself imprisoned in the cage. "When my friend the barber-surgeon beckoned me to stop, he was just waiting for the opportune moment to throw the net over his next victim, which at that moment was standing and wagging his tail at a bitch. My friend was just about to cast his net when suddenly the bells of a neighboring church rang out, calling the people to early prayer. At this unexpected sound ringing out in the morning quiet,

the doe took fright and, springing aside, shot off down the empty street at its full canine velocity. "This so infuriated the barber-surgeon that his hair, even in his armpits, stood on end and, flinging his net down on the pavement, he spat over his left shoulder and cried out: " 'Oh, Hell! What a time to ring!''

"As soon as this exclamation of his reached my reflecting apparatus,

numerous thoughts began to swarm in it which ultimately led, in my view, to

a correct understanding of lust why there proceeded in me the aforesaid

instinctive uneasiness.

"The moment I understood this I even felt annoyed at myself that such a simple and clear idea had not entered my head before "I sensed with the whole of my being that my interference in the communal life could have no other result than the very sensation that had been proceeding in me all this time. "And indeed, everyone awakened from his sweet morning slumbers by the blast of my steam whistle must doubtless curse me by everything under the sun—just me, the cause of this infernal din—and thanks to this, there must surely flow from all directions toward my person vibrations of all kinds of malice. "On that memorable morning, after performing my duties, while sitting in my usual mood of depression in a neighboring 'dukhan' and eating 'hachi' with garlic, I continued to ponder, and I came to the conclusion that if I should curse beforehand all those who are outraged by my service for the benefit of some of them, then according to the book I had read the night before, however much all those still lying in the 'realm of idiocy'—that is, between sleep and drowsiness—might curse me, it would have no effect on me at all "And in fact, since I began to do this, I no longer feel that 'instinctive uneasiness. ' "

Well now, patient reader, I must really conclude this opening chapter. It has only to be signed. He who... Stop! Misconceived formulation! With a signature there must be no joking. Otherwise the same thing will happen to you as happened once before in one of the countries of Central Europe, when you were forced to pay ten years' rent for a house you occupied for only three months, simply because you had signed a paper obliging you to renew the lease for the house each year. After this and many similar life experiences, I must, in any case as regards my own signature, be very, very careful. Very well, then.

He who in childhood was called "Tatakh"; in early youth, "Darky"; later,

the "Black Greek"; in middle age, the "Tiger of Turkestan"; and now, not just anybody, but the genuine "Monsieur" or "Mister" Gurdjieff, or the "nephew of Prince Mukhransky," or finally, simply a "teacher of dancing."

CHAPTER 2

Prologue. Why Beelzebub was in our solar system in the year 223 after the creation of the world by objective time calculation or, as would be said here on the Earth, in the year 1921 after the birth of Christ. Through the Universe flew the trans-space communication ship Karnak.

IT WAS

Having left the spaces of the "Assooparatsata," that is, the "Milky Way," it was flying from the planet "Karatas" to the solar system "Pandetznokh," the sun of which is called the "Pole Star. " On this trans-space ship was Beelzebub with his kinsmen and close companions. He was on his way to the planet "Revozvradendr," to a conference in which he had consented to take part, at the request of friends of long standing Only the remembrance of these old friendships had induced him to accept the invitation, for he was no longer young, and so lengthy a voyage with its inevitable hardships was by no means an easy task for one of his years. A short time before this voyage Beelzebub had returned home to the planet Karatas, the place of his arising, and far from which, due to circumstances not depending on his essence, he had passed many years of his existence in conditions alien to his nature. These long years of an existence unsuited to him, with all the perceptions and experiences foreign to his essence, had not failed to leave a noticeable mark on his common presence. Time itself had by now inevitably aged him, and these unaccustomed conditions of existence had brought Beelze-

bub, that same Beelzebub who had had so exceptionally strong, fiery, and splendid a youth, to a no less exceptional old age. Long, long before, when Beelzebub was still existing at home on the planet Karatas, he had been taken, owing to his extraordinarily resourceful intelligence, into service on the "Sun Absolute," where our Lord Sovereign Endlessness has the fundamental place of His dwelling, and there Beelzebub, with a number of others like himself, had become an attendant upon His Endlessness. But then, owing to his youthful and still unformed Reason, as well as to his callow and impetuous mentation with its unequally flowing associations, that is, a mentation based on a limited understanding—which is natural for beings who have not yet become fully responsible—Beelzebub once saw something in the government of the world that seemed to him "illogical" and, having found support among his comrades, unformed beings like himself, interfered in what was none of his business. Thanks to the force and impetuosity of Beelzebub's nature, his intervention, supported by his comrades, soon captured all minds and brought the central kingdom of the Megalocosmos to the brink of revolution. Having learned of this, His Endlessness, notwithstanding His all-lovingness and all-forgivingness, was constrained to banish Beelzebub and his comrades to one of the remote corners of the Universe, to the solar system "Ors," whose inhabitants call it simply "the solar system", and He assigned as the place of their existence one of the planets of that solar system, namely the planet "Mars," with the privilege of existing on other planets also, but only of that solar system. Among these exiles, besides Beelzebub's comrades, were many who had merely sympathized with him, as well as the attendants and subordinates of Beelzebub and his friends.

They all arrived with their entire households at this remote place and in a short time there was formed on the planet Mars a whole colony of "threecentered beings" from various planets of the central part of our Great Universe. This population, so foreign to that planet, accommodated itself little by little to its new dwelling place, and to shorten the long years of exile, many of them found some occupation or other, either on Mars or on neighboring planets that had been almost entirely neglected because of their remoteness from the Center and the poverty of all their formations. As the years rolled by, many of these exiles, either on their own initiative or in response to needs of a general character, gradually migrated from Mars to other planets, but Beelzebub himself with his close attendants remained on the planet Mars, where he organized his existence more or less tolerably. One of his chief occupations was the setting up of an "observatory" on the planet Mars for the observation of remote points of the Universe as well as of the conditions of existence of beings on neighboring planets, and this ob­ servatory of his, by the way, later became well known and even famous everywhere in the Universe. Although the solar system Ors had been neglected because of its remoteness from the Center and for many other reasons, the Most Holy Cosmic Individuals surrounding our Common Father Endlessness had sent Messengers from time to time to the planets of this solar system, to regulate more or less the process of existence of the three-brained beings arising there, and to bring it into accord with the general world harmony. And thus to one of the planets of this solar system, the planet called "Earth," a Messenger was once sent from our Endlessness—a certain Ashiata Shiemash And as Beelzebub had fulfilled a special task indispensable to his mission, this

Messenger, upon his return to the Sun Absolute, earnestly besought His Endlessness to pardon the once young and fiery but now aged Beelzebub. In view of this request of Ashiata Shiemash, and also of the modest and conscious existence of Beelzebub himself, our Maker Creator pardoned him and gave him permission to return to the place of his arising. And so it was that now, after a long absence, Beelzebub was again in the Center of the Universe. His influence and authority, far from having declined during his exile, had on the contrary greatly increased, since all those around him clearly recognized that, thanks to the long years he had spent in unaccustomed conditions, his knowledge and experience had inevitably been broadened and deepened. And so, when events of great importance occurred on one of the planets of the solar system Pandetznokh, Beelzebub's old friends decided to intrude upon him and invite him to the conference concerning these events. And that is why Beelzebub, with his kinsmen and attendants, was now making the long journey on the space ship Karnak from the planet Karatas to the planet Revozvradendr. At the time to which our tale refers, all those aboard the big space ship Karnak were occupied either with their duties, or simply with actualizing what is called "active being-mentation." Among the passengers one very handsome boy stood out; he was always near Beelzebub himself. This was Hassein, the son of Beelzebub's favorite son, Tooloof. After his return home from exile, Beelzebub had seen his grandson Hassein for the first time and, appreciating his

good heart—and also owing to what is called "family attraction"—had taken an instant liking to him. And as the moment happened to coincide with the time when the Reason of young Hassein needed to be developed, Beelzebub, now having a good deal of free time, took charge of the education of his grandson himself, and from then on kept Hassein with him wherever he went. For his part, Hassein so loved his grandfather that he would not stir a step without him, and eagerly absorbed everything he said or taught. As this narrative begins, Beelzebub, Hassein, and Ahoon, the devoted old servant who always accompanied Beelzebub everywhere, were sitting on the highest "kasnik," or upper deck, of the Karnak under the "kalnokranonis," a sort of glass bell, talking among themselves while observing the boundless space. Beelzebub was speaking about the solar system where he had spent many years He was describing the peculiarities of the nature of a planet called "Venus. " During the conversation, word was brought to Beelzebub that the captain of the ship wished to speak with him, and Beelzebub gave his consent.

CHAPTER 3

The cause of a delay in the falling of the Karnak SOON AFTERWARD the

captain entered and, having greeted Beelzebub with all

the ceremony appropriate to one of his rank, said: "Your Right Reverence, allow me to ask your authoritative advice An 'inevitability' lies directly in the line of our course and will hinder our 'falling' by the shortest route. "The point is that if we follow our intended course, in two 'kilprenos'* our ship will be passing through the solar system 'Vuanik.' "But at the very place where our ship must pass, there will also pass, about one kilpreno before, the great comet belonging to that solar system and named 'Sakoor' or, as it is sometimes called, 'the Madcap.' "So if we keep to our proposed course, we must inevitably cross the space through which this comet will have passed. "And as Your Right Reverence certainly knows, this mad comet always leaves a great deal of 'zilnotrago'† in its track, which on entering the planetary body of a being disorganizes most of its functions until all the zilnotrago has been volatilized. "I thought at first," continued the captain, "of avoiding the zilnotrago by steering the ship around this zone, but this would mean a long detour and would greatly prolong our * "Kilpreno" in the language of Beelzebub means a certain period of time of approximately the same duration as what is called an "hour" on the Earth †

"Zilnotrago" is the name of a gas similar to what is called on the Earth "cyanic acid."

voyage On the other hand, to wait somewhere until the zilnotrago is dispersed would take still longer. "Faced with these alternatives, I cannot decide on my own what to do, so I am venturing to trouble Your Right Reverence for the benefit of your wise advice." When the captain had finished speaking, Beelzebub thought a moment and then answered: "Really, I do not know how to advise you, my dear Captain . . . Ah yes, in that solar system where I existed for a long time, there is a planet named 'Earth,' on which there arose, and still continue to arise, very strange threecentered beings And among them, on one of the continents of that planet called 'Asia,' there arose a very wise three-brained being named Mullah Nasr Eddin. "For each and every peculiar situation, great and small, in the existence of the beings there," Beelzebub continued, "this terrestrial sage, Mullah Nasr Eddin, had an apt and pithy saying. "As all his sayings were full of the sense of truth for the beings of that planet, I too always used them as a guide, for the sake of having a comfortable existence there. "In the present situation also, my dear Captain, I wish to profit by one of his wise sayings. In such a quandary as ours he would probably say " 'You can't jump over your knees, and it's absurd to try to kiss your own elbow!' "I now say the same to you, and add there is nothing to be done. When faced with an event arising from forces immeasurably greater than one's own, one must submit. "The only question is, which of the alternatives you mentioned should be chosen—that is, to wait or add to our journey by a detour. "You say that a detour would greatly lengthen our jour-

ney, but that waiting would take still longer Well then, my dear Captain, suppose that by making the detour we should save a little time What do you think? Is the wear and tear on our ship's machinery worthwhile for the sake of ending our journey a little sooner? "If a detour would involve even the slightest damage to our ship, then in my opinion we ought to give preference to your second suggestion, and stop somewhere until the path is cleared of the noxious zilnotrago That would at least spare our ship useless damage And we will try to fill the time of this unforeseen delay with something useful for us all. "For example, it would give me personally great pleasure to talk with you about contemporary ships in general and our ship in particular. A great many inventions that I still know nothing about have been made in this field during my absence from these parts. "In my time, for instance, these big trans-space ships were so complicated and cumbersome that it took almost half their power to carry the materials needed to elaborate the energy for their locomotion. "But contemporary ships, in their simplicity and the freedom they offer for all being-manifestations, are the very model of 'bliss-stokirno.' At times you even forget that you are not on one of the planets So, I should very much like to know how this marvel was brought about and how the contemporary ships work. "Now go, my dear Captain, and make all the arrangements for this necessary stop. Then, when you are quite free, come back and we will pass the time of our unavoidable delay in conversation useful for us all ." When the captain had gone, Hassein suddenly sprang to his feet and began to dance and clap his hands, shouting "Oh, I'm glad, I'm glad, I'm glad about this!"

Beelzebub looked with affection on these joyful manifestations of his favorite, but old Ahoon could not restrain himself and, shaking his head reproachfully muttered half to himself that the boy was a growing "egoist. " Hearing what Ahoon had called him, Hassein stopped in front of him and with a mischievous glance said: "Don't be angry with me, dear Ahoon. The reason for my joy is not egoism but only this happy coincidence. You heard him, didn't you? My beloved grandfather didn't only decide to make a stop but also promised the captain to talk with him. "And you know very well that my grandfather's talks always lead to stories of places where he has been, and you know how wonderfully he tells his stories, and how much new and interesting information is 'crystallized' in our presences through these tales. "Where is the egoism? Hasn't he, of his own free will, after weighing with his wise Reason all the circumstances of this unforeseen event, decided to make a stop, which evidently doesn't upset his plans too much? "It seems to me that my dear grandfather has no reason to hurry. Everything he needs for his rest and comfort is here on the Karnak, and here also are many who love him and whom he loves. "Didn't he just say that we must not oppose forces higher than our own, adding that not only should we not oppose them but should even submit to them and accept all their results with reverence, at the same time praising and glorifying the marvelous and providential works of our Lord Creator? "I'm glad, not because of the mishap, but because this unforeseen event from Above enables us to listen once more to the tales of my dear grandfather. Is it my fault that the circumstances have turned out to be so desirable and happy for me?

"No, dear Ahoon, you shouldn't scold me, but should even join me in expressing gratitude to the Source of all beneficent results." All this time Beelzebub had been listening attentively and with a smile to the chatter of his favorite, and when Hassein had finished, said "You are right, dear Hassein, and for being right, even before the captain returns I shall tell you anything you like. " Upon hearing this, the boy at once ran and sat at Beelzebub's feet and, after thinking a little, said: "Dear Grandfather, you have already told me so much about the solar system where you spent so many years that by now I could probably go on, by my own logic, to describe in detail the nature of that peculiar corner of our Universe. "But I am curious to know whether three-brained beings dwell on the planets of that solar system, and whether 'higher being-bodies' are coated in them This is what I should like you to tell me about," said Hassein, looking up affectionately at his grandfather. "Yes," replied Beelzebub, "three-brained beings dwell on almost all planets of that solar system also, and higher being-bodies can be coated in almost all of them. "Higher being-bodies or, as they are called on some planets of that solar system, 'souls,' are coated in three-brained beings inhabiting all the planets except those before reaching which the emanations of our Most Holy Sun Ab­ solute, through repeated deflections, have gradually lost the fullness of their strength and no longer contain the vivifying power needed for coating higher being-bodies. "Of course, my boy, on each planet of that solar system the planetary bodies of the three-brained beings are coated and take on an exterior form corresponding to the nature of that planet, adapting to it in every detail "On the planet Mars, for instance, where we were exiled,

the three-brained beings are coated with a planetary body having a form— how shall I tell you?—like a 'karoona,' that is to say, they have a long broad trunk, amply provided with fat, and a head with enormous protruding and shining eyes. On the back of this huge planetary body of theirs are two large wings, and on the underside two comparatively small feet with very strong claws. "Almost the entire strength of this huge planetary body is adapted by nature to generate energy for their eyes and their wings "As a result, the three-brained beings breeding on that planet can see freely everywhere, however great the 'kldatsakhti,'* and can move about not only on the planet but also in its atmosphere, and occasionally some of them even manage to travel beyond its limits. "On another planet not far from the planet Mars, owing to the intense cold there, the three-brained beings are covered with thick soft wool The outer form of these three-centered beings is like that of a 'toosook,' that is, it resembles a kind of double sphere, the upper sphere serving to contain the principal organs of the planetary body, and the lower one the organs for the transformation of the 'first and second being-foods.' "In the upper sphere there are three apertures opening outward; two serve for sight and the third for hearing. "The lower sphere has only two apertures: one in front for the taking in of the first and second being-foods, and the other at the back for the elimination of residues from the organism To the lower sphere are attached two strong sinewy feet, and on each of these is a protuberance that serves the same purpose as our fingers.

* "Kldatsakhti" means "darkness "

"There is still another planet in that solar system, my dear boy, quite a small one, bearing the name 'Moon.' "During its movement this peculiar little planet often came very near our planet Mars and sometimes for whole kilprenos I took great pleasure in observing, through the 'teskooano,'* in my observatory, the process of existence of the three-brained beings who inhabit it. "Though the beings of this planet have very frail planetary bodies, they have an indomitable spirit, which gives them an extraordinary perseverance and capacity for work. "Their external form is like that of large ants, and like them they are always bustling about, working both on and within their planet. "The results of their ceaseless activity are already plainly visible. "I once happened to notice that in two of our years they had 'tunneled' the whole of their planet. They were obliged to undertake this task on account of the abnormal 'climatic conditions' there, caused by the fact that this planet arose unexpectedly, and therefore the regulation of its climatic harmony had not been prearranged by the Higher Powers. "The climate of this planet is truly 'mad,' and in its variability could give points to the most high-strung, hysterical women existing on another planet of that solar system, which I shall also tell you about. "Sometimes the cold is so intense on this Moon that everything is frozen through and through, and it becomes impossible for beings to breathe in the open atmosphere, and then suddenly it gets so hot that you could fry an egg in a Jiffy. "There are only two short periods on that peculiar little planet, namely, before and after it completes its orbit around a neighboring planet, when the weather is so glorious that * "Teskooano" means "telescope "

for several rotations the whole planet is in bloom, and yields the various products for the first being-food of its inhabitants—even greatly in excess of what they need for existence in that strange intraplanetary kingdom they have devised, where they are sheltered from the vagaries of this mad climate and all the inharmonious changes in the state of the atmosphere. "Not far from that small planet is another, larger planet, which occasionally comes quite close to Mars, and is called 'Earth. ' "The Moon is actually a fragment of this Earth, which must now constantly maintain the Moon's existence. "On the planet Earth also, three-brained beings are formed, and they too contain all the data for higher being-bodies to be coated in them. "But in 'strength of spirit' they do not begin to compare with the beings breeding on the little planet I just mentioned The external coating of the threebrained beings of that planet Earth closely resembles our own, except that their skin is a little slimier than ours Moreover, they have no tails, and their heads are without horns But the worst thing about them is their feet, for they have no hoofs It is true that for protection against external influences they have invented what they call 'boots,' but this invention does not do them much good. "Aside from the imperfection of their external form, their Reason is uniquely and utterly bizarre. "Their 'being-Reason,' owing to many causes that I may tell you about sometime, has gradually degenerated and at present is very, very strange, and peculiar in the highest degree. " Beelzebub was about to say more, but just then the captain of the ship entered. So, promising the boy to tell him about

the beings of the planet Earth some other time, he began to talk with the captain. He asked the captain first to tell him who he was, how long he had been a captain, and how he liked his work, and then to give him some information about contemporary cosmic ships. "Your Right Reverence," the captain began, "when I approached the age of a responsible being, I was destined by my father for this career in the service of our Endless Creator Starting in the lowest ranks on the trans-space ships, I ultimately became worthy to perform the duties of captain, and for eight years now I have been a captain on long-distance ships. "In this latest post of mine on the Karnak I succeeded my father, who had performed the duties of captain almost from the very beginning of world creation and who, after his long years of blameless service to His Endlessness, was held worthy of promotion to the post of governor of the solar system 'Kalman.' "In short," continued the captain, "I began my service just when Your Right Reverence was leaving for the place of your exile I was then only a 'sweeper' on the long-distance ships of that period. "Yes a long, long time has passed by

"Everything has changed and has been changed since then only our Lord

and Sovereign remains unchanged May the blessings of 'Amenzano' be on His Changelessness throughout eternity! "Your Right Reverence has seen fit to remark, very justly, that the earlier ships were most inconvenient and cumbersome. "They were indeed very complicated and unwieldy I remember them well myself There is a vast difference between the ships of that time and now.

"In our youth all the ships, both for intersystem and interplanetary communication, were still run on the cosmic substance 'elekilpomagtistzen,' which is composed of two distinct parts of the omnipresent 'Okidanokh.' And it was to produce this substance that the earlier ships had to carry such a quantity of materials. "But these ships did not remain in use very long after your departure; they were replaced by ships of the system of Saint Venoma."

CHAPTER 4

The law of falling

THE CAPTAIN continued:

"This happened in the year 185 by objective time calculation.

"Saint Venoma had been taken for his merits from the planet 'Soort' to the 'Holy Planet Purgatory' where, after familiarizing himself with his new surroundings and new duties, he devoted all his free time to his favorite work. "This favorite work was to try to discover what new phenomena could be obtained from various combinations of lawful phenomena already existing. "Sometime later, in the course of his observations of cosmic laws, Saint Venoma made a discovery which after-ward became famous, and which he was the first to call the 'law of falling.' "Saint Venoma formulated this cosmic law as follows:

" 'Everything existing in the world "falls to the bottom." The "bottom" for

any part of the Universe is its nearest "stability," and this stability is the point toward which all the lines of force from all directions converge. 'The centers of all the suns and planets of our Universe are precisely such points of stability. They are the lowest points of that region of space toward which forces from all directions of the given part of the Universe inexorably tend, and where they concentrate. Each of these points is also a center of gravity that enables suns and planets to maintain their proper places.' "Saint Venoma stated further that when an object, wherever it may be, is dropped into space, it tends to fall on one or another sun or planet, depending on which sun or planet

this part of space belongs to—that sun or planet being for the given region the stability, or bottom. "Starting from this, Saint Venoma, continuing his research, reasoned as follows 'If this is so, could not this cosmic property be utilized for the locomotion we need between the spaces in the Universe?’ And from then on he worked along that line. "His further saintly labors showed that, although in principle this was possible, in fact the law of falling alone could not be employed fully to achieve this purpose, for the simple reason that the atmospheres surrounding most of the cosmic concentrations would hinder the direct falling of the object dropped in space. "Having established this, Saint Venoma turned his whole attention to finding some means of overcoming the atmospheric resistance to ships constructed on the principle of falling. "And three 'looniases' later, Saint Venoma did find such a means and, as soon as a suitable vessel had been completed under his direction, he went on to practical trials. "This construction had the appearance of a large chamber, the walls of which were made of a special material somewhat like glass On every wall of the chamber were fitted, so to say, 'shutters' made of material impervious to the rays of the cosmic substance 'elekilpomagtistzen,' and these shutters, although set close to the walls, could slide freely in any required direction Within the chamber was placed a special 'battery' which generated and supplied this substance elekilpomagtistzen. "I was present myself, Your Right Reverence, at the first experiments in which Saint Venoma tested the principle he had discovered. "The

whole

secret

lay

in

this

when

rays

of

elekilpo-

magtistzen were made to pass through this special glass, they destroyed everything in their path that the atmosphere of planets is usually composed of, such as 'air,' 'gases' of all kinds, 'fog,' and so on. This part of space became absolutely empty, without resistance to pressure, so that if even an infantbeing gave this enormous structure a push, it would move as lightly as a feather. "On the outer side of this peculiar structure were appendages like wings, which were set in motion by this same substance elekilpomagtistzen, and gave the impetus to move this immense structure in the required direction. "And so, when the results of these experiments had been approved and blessed by the Commission of Inspection, under the presidency of the Archangel Adossia, the construction of a big ship on these principles was begun. "The ship was soon ready and commissioned for service. And this type of ship gradually displaced all the systems that had existed before. Later, Your Right Reverence, the inconvenience of this system became more and more apparent; nevertheless it continued to be used exclusively on all the lines of trans-space communication. "It cannot be gainsaid that the ships constructed on this principle were ideal in atmosphereless spaces, and moved there with almost the speed of the 'etzikolnianakhnian' rays issuing from planets; yet when they approached some sun or planet it became real torture for the beings directing them, as much complicated maneuvering was necessary because of this same law of falling. "For as soon as a ship came into the atmospheric medium of some sun or planet that it had to pass, it immediately began to fall toward that sun or planet and, as I just said, great care and considerable knowledge were needed to keep the ship from falling off its course. "While the ships were passing near any sun or planet,

their speed often had to be reduced hundreds of times below their usual rate "It was particularly difficult to steer them in any sphere where there was a large aggregation of 'comets'. "Great demands were therefore made upon the beings who had to direct these ships, and they were prepared for their duties by beings of very high Reason. "But in spite of these drawbacks, the system of Saint Venoma, as I have already said, gradually replaced all the previous ones "The ships of this system of Saint Venoma had been in existence for twenty-three years when it was first rumored that the Great Angel Hariton had invented a new type of ship for intersystem and interplanetary communication."

CHAPTER 5

The system of Archangel Hariton

" SHORTLY AFTERWARD, again under the supervision of the Great Archangel Adossia, practical tests open to all were made with this new invention, which was later to become so famous. "The new system was unanimously acknowledged to be the best, and soon it was adopted for service throughout the Universe, gradually superseding all previous systems. "At the present time this system of the Great Angel, now Archangel, Hariton is in use everywhere. The ship on which we are now flying is based on the same principles, and its construction is similar to that of all ships built according to this system. It is not very complicated. "The whole of this great invention consists of a single 'cylinder' shaped like an ordinary barrel. "The secret of this cylinder lies in the disposition of the materials of which its inner walls are composed. "These materials are isolated from each other by means of 'amber' and, owing to their arrangement in a certain order, have the property of acting on any cosmic gaseous substance entering the space they enclose—whether 'at­ mosphere,' 'air,' 'ether,' or any other combination of homogeneous cosmic elements—causing it immediately to expand within the cylinder. "The bottom of this 'cylinder-barrel' is hermetically sealed, but the lid, although it can also be tightly closed, is hinged in such a way that on pressure from within it opens, and then shuts again. "So, Your Right Reverence, if this cylinder-barrel is filled with atmosphere, air, or any other such substance, the action

of its walls causes these substances to expand to such an extent that the interior becomes too small to hold them. "Striving to find an outlet from this constricted interior, they naturally press against the lid of the cylinder-barrel, which opens on its hinges and allows these expanded substances to escape, and then immediately closes again Since in general Nature abhors a vacuum, as soon as the expanded gaseous substances are released, the cylinder-barrel is again filled up with fresh substances from outside, and they in their turn undergo the same process, and so on without end Thus the substances are always being changed, and the lid of the cylinder-barrel alternately opens and shuts. "Fixed to this lid is a very simple 'lever,' operated by the movement of the lid, which sets in motion some also very simple 'cogwheels,' and these in turn revolve fans attached to the sides and stern of the ship itself. "Thus, Your Right Reverence, in spaces where there is no resistance, contemporary ships like ours simply fall toward the nearest stability, but where there are any cosmic substances that offer resistance, it is these substances, no matter what their density, that are acted upon by the cylinder and enable the ship to move in any desired direction. "It is interesting to note that the denser the substance in any given part of the Universe, the better the charging and discharging of the cylinder-barrel proceed, and in consequence, of course, the rate of movement of the levers is accelerated. "Nevertheless, I repeat, a region without atmosphere, that is, a space containing only 'world ethernokrilno,' is the best for contemporary ships as it was for earlier ones, because it offers no resistance at all, and the law of falling can therefore be employed to the full with no need for the work of the cylinder. "Furthermore, contemporary ships have the advantage

that in atmosphereless spaces they can be given an impetus in any direction, and can fall wherever intended without the complicated manipulations necessary in ships of the system of Saint Venoma. "In short, Your Right Reverence, both in convenience and simplicity, contemporary ships are beyond comparison with the earlier ones, which were often exceedingly complicated and at the same time had none of the possibilities of the ships we use now."

CHAPTER 6

Perpetual motion "WAIT! WAIT!" Beelzebub interrupted "What you have just been describing must surely be that ephemeral idea that the strange three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth called 'perpetual motion,' for the sake of which at one time great numbers of them went quite 'mad' or even perished. "It once happened on that ill-fated planet that somebody got the 'crazy notion' into his head that he could invent a 'mechanism' that would run forever without requiring any material from the outside. "This notion so took everybody's fancy that most of the crackpots of that peculiar planet began thinking about it and trying to produce this 'miracle ' How many of them had to pay for this ephemeral idea with all the material and spiritual welfare that they had previously acquired at great cost!' "For one reason or another, they were all quite determined to invent what they imagined would be a 'simple matter.' "Whenever external conditions permitted, many of them gave themselves up to the search for this perpetual motion, without any inner data for such work, some relying upon their 'knowledge,' others upon 'luck,' but most of them driven by an already full-blown psychopathy. "In short, to invent perpetual motion became the 'rage' there, and every crank felt obliged to be interested in this question. "I was once in a town where a large number of 'models' and all kinds of 'descriptions' of proposed mechanisms for this perpetual motion had been collected. "What could not be found there? What ingenious and

complicated machines did I not see? In any single one of these mechanisms there were more ideas and 'wiseacrings' than in all the laws of world-creation and world-existence. "I noticed at the time that in these innumerable models and plans of proposed mechanisms, the idea of using what is called the 'force of weight' predominated The idea was this a complicated mechanism was designed to lift a 'certain weight,' which was then supposed to fall, and by its fall to set the whole mechanism in motion, and this motion would again lift the weight, and so on without end. "The result of all this was that thousands of these unfortunates were shut up in 'lunatic asylums,' while thousands more, lost in this dream, completely neglected to fulfill even those being-duties that had somehow been established there in the course of many centuries, or else fulfilled them in the worst possible way. "I don't know how it would all have ended if some quite demented being with one foot already in the grave, an 'old dotard,' as they say, who had somehow acquired a certain authority, had not proved by 'calculations' known only to himself that it was absolutely impossible to invent 'perpetual motion. ' "Now, my dear Captain, after your explanation, I can understand very well how the cylinder invented by the Archangel Hariton works It is the very thing those unfortunates dreamed of. "Indeed it can safely be said that, given atmosphere alone, this cylinder will work perpetually and without requiring any other outside materials "And since the world cannot exist without planets and hence without atmospheres, it follows that as long as the world does exist, and in consequence atmospheres, the cylinder-barrel invented by the Great Archangel Hariton will always work.

"Now just one question occurs to me—about the materials this cylinderbarrel is made of. Could you tell me, my dear Captain, what these materials are and how long they can last?" To Beelzebub's question the captain replied as follows. "Although the cylinder-barrel does not last forever, it can certainly last a very long time. "Its principal part is made of 'amber' with 'platinum' hoops, and the inner surfaces of the staves are composed of 'anthracite,' 'copper,' 'ivory,' and a very strong 'mastic' unaffected by 'paischakir,' 'tainolair,' 'saliakooriap,' or even by the radiations of cosmic concentrations. "* "But the other parts," the captain continued, "both the exterior levers and the cogwheels, must certainly be renewed from time to time, for though they are made of the strongest 'metal,' long use will wear them out. "And as for the body of the ship, its long existence can certainly not be guaranteed." The captain would have said more, but at that moment a sound like the vibrations of a long minor chord from a far-off orchestra of wind instruments resounded through the ship. With an apology the captain rose, explaining as he did so that he must be needed on urgent business, since everybody knew he was with His Right Reverence, and no one would venture to trouble the ears of His Right Reverence for anything trifling.

* "Paischakir" means "heat", "tainolair" means "cold", "saliakooriap" means "water."

CHAPTER 7

Becoming aware of genuine being-duty had gone, Beelzebub glanced at his grandson and, noticing his unusual state, asked with concern and a shade of anxiety: "What is the matter, my dear boy? What are you thinking about so

WHEN THE CAPTAIN

deeply?" Looking up at his grandfather with eyes full of sorrow, Hassein said thoughtfully: "I don't know what is the matter with me, dear Grandfather, but your talk with the captain has brought me to some exceedingly melancholy thoughts Things I never thought of before are now a-thinking in me. "Thanks to your talk, it has gradually become clear to my consciousness that in the Universe of our Endlessness things have not always been as I now see and understand them. "Formerly I should never have allowed myself to imagine, even if the thought had come to me by association, that this ship we are flying on, for instance, has not always been just as it is now. "Only now have I come to understand clearly that everything we have and use today, all the contemporary amenities and everything necessary for our comfort and welfare, did not always exist, nor did they make their appearance so easily. "It seems that in the past certain beings must have labored hard and suffered very much for all this, and endured a great deal that perhaps they could have spared themselves They labored and suffered solely that we might have these advantages today and use them for our welfare. "And all this, consciously or unconsciously, they did for

us—beings quite unknown and entirely indifferent to them. "And now not only do we not thank them, but we do not even know anything about them, and take it all as a matter of course, and neither ponder this question nor trouble ourselves in the slightest about it. "I, for instance, have already existed so many years in the Universe, yet the thought has never entered my head that perhaps there was a time when everything I see and have did not exist, and that everything was not born with me like my nose. "And so, my dear and kind Grandfather, since your conversation with the captain has gradually made me aware of all this with the whole of my presence, the need has arisen in me to make clear to my Reason why I personally have these advantages, and what obligations I am under on their account. "It is just because of this that there now arises in me a 'process of remorse Having said this, Hassein bowed his head and became silent. Looking at him affectionately, Beelzebub began to speak as follows: "I advise you, my dear Hassein, not to put such questions to yourself yet. Be patient. Only when you reach the corresponding period of your existence for becoming aware of such essence-questions, and reflect actively upon them, will you understand what you must do in return. "At your age, you are not yet obliged to pay for your existence "This present period of your life is not given you for paying for your existence, but for preparing yourself for the future—for the obligations becoming to a responsible three-brained being. "So in the meantime, exist as you exist. Only do not forget

one thing: at your age, it is indispensable that every day when the sun rises, while watching the reflection of its splendor, you bring about a contact between your consciousness and the various unconscious parts of your common presence. Trying to make this state last, think and convince the un­ conscious parts—as if they were conscious—that if they hinder your general functioning in the process of ordinary existence, then in the period of your responsible age they will not only be unable to enjoy the good that is proper to them, but also your whole presence, of which they are a part, will not be capable of becoming a good servant of our Common Endless Creator, and will thus be unable to pay honorably for your arising and existence. "I repeat once more, dear boy, try in the meantime not to think of these questions: at your age it is still too early to think about them. "Everything in its proper time!

"Now ask me whatever you wish, and I will tell you. As the captain has

not yet returned, he must be occupied with his duties and will not be coming back for quite a while."

CHAPTER 8

The impudent brat Hassein, Beelzebub's grandson, dares to call men "slugs" HASSEIN at

once sat down at Beelzebub's feet and coaxingly said:

"Tell me anything you wish, dear Grandfather. Anything you tell will be the

greatest joy for me, if only because it is you who are telling it."

"No," objected Beelzebub, "you yourself must ask what interests you most of all. It will give me much pleasure to tell you whatever you particularly wish to know about." "Well then, dear, kind Grandfather, tell me something about those . . . what are they called? . . . I've forgotten . . . Oh yes, about those 'slugs.' " "What? About what slugs?" asked Beelzebub, not understanding the question. "Don't you remember, Grandfather, a little while ago, when you spoke about the three-centered beings breeding on the various planets of that solar system where you existed for so long, you mentioned that on one planet—I forget what you called it—there exist three-centered beings who are on the whole like us, but whose skin is a little slimier than ours?" "Aha!" laughed Beelzebub. "You must be asking about those beings who breed on the planet Earth and who call themselves 'men.' " "Yes, Grandfather, yes Tell me about those 'men-beings' I should like to know more about them. " Then Beelzebub said, "I could tell you a great deal about them, for I often visited that planet and existed among those terrestrial three-brained beings for long periods, and even made friends with many of them.

"It would be very interesting indeed for you to learn more about them, for they are most peculiar. They have many characteristics you would not find in any other beings on any other planet of our Universe. "I know them well, because the whole course of their arising, their development, and their existence during many, many centuries—by their time calculation—has unfolded before my eyes. "Not only did their arising and existence take place before my eyes, but even the final formation of their planet itself. "When we first arrived in that solar system and settled on the planet Mars, nothing existed as yet on the planet Earth, which had not even had time to cool off entirely after its concentration. "From the very beginning, this planet has been the cause of much concern for our Endlessness. "If you wish, I will begin by telling you about the events of a general cosmic character connected with this planet that led to the grave concern of our Endlessness." "Yes, dear Grandfather," said Hassein, "do tell me about that. Certainly it will be most interesting, like everything else you tell me."

CHAPTER 9

The cause of the genesis of the Moon AND BEELZEBUB began as follows: "After arriving on the planet Mars, where we had been directed to exist, we gradually began to settle down. "We were still absorbed in the bustle of organizing all the external

necessities for a more or less tolerable existence in surroundings so absolutely foreign to us, when suddenly, on one of our busiest days, the whole planet Mars was shaken, and a little later such an asphyxiating stench arose that at first it seemed as though everything in the Universe had been permeated with something 'unspeakable. ' "After a considerable time, when the stench had finally gone and we came to our senses sufficiently to make out what had happened, we understood that the cause of this terrible phenomenon was that same planet Earth, which oc­ casionally approached so near to Mars that we could observe it clearly, sometimes even without a teskooano. "For reasons we could not yet grasp, this planet, it transpired, had 'burst' and two fragments broken off from it had flown into space. "I have already told you that this solar system was then still being formed, and did not yet fully participate in what is called the 'harmony of reciprocal maintenance of all cosmic concentrations. ' "We learned later that in accordance with this general cosmic harmony of reciprocal maintenance of all cosmic concentrations, a comet of vast orbit, which still exists under the name of 'Kondoor,' also had to function in this solar system This comet, although already 'concentrated,' was describing its full orbit for the first time.

"As competent Sacred Individuals later explained to us in confidence, the line of this comet's path had to cross the path of the planet Earth. And as a result of the erroneous calculations of a certain Sacred Individual who dealt with matters of world-creation and world-maintenance, these two concentrations had to pass through the point of intersection of their trajectories at the same moment. Owing to this error, the planet Earth and the comet Kondoor collided, and collided so violently that from the shock, as I have already told you, two large fragments broke off from the planet Earth and flew into space. "This shock entailed these serious consequences because this planet had arisen so recently that its atmosphere, which might have served as a 'buffer,' had not yet had time to be completely formed around it. "Of course, my boy, our Endlessness was at once informed of this general cosmic misfortune. And immediately, a full commission of angels and archangels, specialists in the work of world-creation and world-maintenance, under the direction of the Great Archangel Sakaki, was dispatched from the Most Holy Sun Absolute to the solar system Ors. "The Most High Commission came to our planet Mars, since it was the nearest to the planet Earth, and from there began its investigations. "The sacred members of this High Commission promptly reassured us by saying that there was no longer any danger of catastrophe on a great cosmic scale. "And the Arch-Engineer Archangel Algamatant was good enough to explain to us personally that in all probability what had happened was this: " 'The broken-off fragments of the planet Earth had lost the momentum given by the shock before reaching the limits of this planet's sphere of influence, and hence, according to

the law of falling, they had begun to fall back toward their fundamental mass. " 'But they could not actually fall upon their fundamental mass because in the meantime they had come under the cosmic law called the "law of catching up," and were inevitably subject to its influence Therefore they would now have to make regular elliptical orbits around their fundamental mass, just as this mass itself, the planet Earth, made and still makes its orbit around its sun Ors. " 'And that is how it will always be, unless some new unforeseen catastrophe on a large scale changes it in one way or another. " 'Glory be to chance,' concluded His Pantameasurability, 'the harmonious general system movement was not unduly disturbed by all this, and the peaceful existence of the system Ors was soon reestablished.' "Nevertheless, my boy, this Most High Commission, having considered all the available facts and also all the possible consequences, came to the conclusion that, although the fragments of the planet Earth might maintain themselves for the time being in their existing positions, yet in view of certain 'tastartoonarian displacements' envisaged by the commission, they might some day stray from their positions and bring about many irreparable calamities, both for the system Ors and for neighboring solar systems. "So, to avoid this eventuality, the Most High Commission resolved to take certain measures. "They decided that the best solution would be for the fundamental mass, that is, the planet Earth, to maintain its detached fragments by constantly sending them the sacred vibrations called 'askokin.' "The sacred substance askokin can be formed on planets only when both the

fundamental

cosmic

laws

operating

'Heptaparaparshinokh' and the sacred 'Tria-

in

them,

the

sacred

mazikamno,' act in the 'ilnosoparnian' manner, that is to say, when these two sacred laws in a given cosmic concentration are deflected independently, and also manifest themselves on its surface independently—of course only within certain limits. "And so, my boy, since a cosmic actualization of this kind was possible only with the sanction of His Endlessness, the Great Archangel Sakaki, accompanied by several other sacred members of that Most High Commission, set off immediately to beseech His Endlessness to give His consent. "Afterward, when these Sacred Individuals had obtained the sanction of His Endlessness, the ilnosoparnian process was actualized on the planet Earth, still under the direction of the Great Archangel Sakaki. And so from that time on, on that planet, as on many others, there began to arise everything corresponding to the 'ilnosoparno,' thanks to which the detached fragments exist until now without constituting a threat of catastrophe on a universal scale. "The larger of these two fragments was named 'Loonderperzo' and the smaller 'Anulios'; and the ordinary three-brained beings who arose and were formed on the Earth knew them by these names. But the beings of later times gave them different names at different periods, and more recently the larger fragment has come to be called 'Moon,' but the name of the smaller one was gradually forgotten. As for the beings there now, not only have they no name at all for this smaller fragment, but they do not even suspect its existence. "It is interesting to note that the beings of a continent on that planet called 'Atlantis,' which later disappeared, still knew of this second fragment of their planet and also called it 'Anulios.' But the beings of the last period of existence of that continent, in whose general presences there were already crystallized the results of the consequences of the properties

of the organ called 'kundabuffer'—about which, it now seems, I shall have to explain to you even in great detail— called it 'Kimespai,' which meant 'never allowing one to sleep in peace. ' "The contemporary three-brained beings of this peculiar planet do not know about this former fragment, chiefly because its comparatively small size and its remoteness make it quite invisible to them, and also because no 'grandmother' ever told them that once upon a time any such little 'satellite' of their planet had been known. "And if one of them should by chance catch sight of it through that excellent yet childish toy of theirs called a 'telescope,' he would pay no attention to it, simply mistaking it for a big 'aerolite.' "Contemporary beings will probably never see it again, since it has become proper to their nature to see only unreality. "Let us give them their due, during recent centuries they have indeed most 'artistically' mechanized themselves to see nothing real. "So, my boy, in due course there began to appear on the planet Earth 'similitudes of the Whole' or, as they are also called, 'microcosmoses,' and from these micro-cosmoses were formed 'oduristolnian' and 'polormedekhtic' vegetation. "Still later, these microcosmoses began to be grouped, as usually occurs, into various forms of what are called 'tetartocosmoses' of all three-brainsystems And among them arose for the first time just those biped tetartocosmoses whom, a little while ago, you called 'slugs. ' "Some other time I will fully explain to you why and how, during the transition of the fundamental sacred laws into the ilnosoparnian process, similitudes of the Whole arise on planets, and what factors contribute to the formation of

the various 'systems of being-brains'; and I will also explain all the laws of world-creation and world-maintenance in general. "Meanwhile you should know that from the beginning, these three-brained beings who interest you, arising on the planet Earth, had the same possibilities of perfecting the functions needed to acquire being-Reason as have all other forms of tetartocosmoses throughout the whole Universe. "But later, just during the period when they were gradually beginning to be spiritualized by what is called 'being-instinct'—as also takes place on similar planets of our Great Universe—there befell that misfortune, unforeseen from Above, which was so grievous for them."

CHAPTER 10

Why "men" are not men BEELZEBUB sighed

deeply and continued his tale "After the actualizing of the

'ilnosoparnian' process on the planet Earth, one year by objective timecalculation went by. "During this period there were gradually established the corresponding processes of the involution and evolution of everything arising on this planet. "And of course there gradually began to be crystallized in the three-brained beings there the corresponding data for the acquisition of Objective Reason "In short, on that planet also, everything was proceeding in the usual normal order. "And so, my boy, if the Most High Commission under the supreme direction of the Archangel Sakaki had not gone back again in a year's time, perhaps all the subsequent misunderstandings connected with the threebrained beings arising on that ill-fated planet would not have occurred. "This second descent of the Most High Commission to the Earth took place because, in spite of the measures they had taken, most of its sacred members were not fully assured of the impossibility of undesirable surprises in the future, and they now wished to verify on the spot the results of their earlier measures. "The Most High Commission decided in any event, if only to reassure themselves, to take certain additional precautions, including one measure, the consequences of which have not only gradually become a stupendous horror for the three-brained beings of that ill-fated planet, but have even become, so to say, a 'festering sore' for the whole of the Great Universe.

"You know that by this time what is called 'mechanical instinct' had gradually been engendered in them, as is normal in three-brained beings. "The sacred members of the Most High Commission then reasoned that if this mechanical instinct in the biped three-brained beings of that planet were to develop toward the attainment of Objective Reason, as usually occurs everywhere among three-brained beings, it might possibly happen that they would prematurely comprehend the reason for their presence on that planet and would then make a good deal of trouble; it might happen that once they understood the reason for their arising, namely, that by their existence they should maintain the detached fragments of their planet, and became convinced of their slavery to circumstances utterly foreign to them, they would refuse to continue this existence of theirs and on principle destroy themselves. "So, my boy, in view of this, the Most High Commission decided, among other things, to implant provisionally in the common presence of the threebrained beings there a special organ with properties that, first, would make them perceive reality 'upside down' and, second, would cause every repeated impression from the outside to crystallize in them data that engender factors for evoking sensations of 'pleasure' and 'enjoyment.' "Then, with the help of the Universal Arch-Chemist-Physicist, the Angel Looisos, a member of this Most High Commission, they made a 'something' grow in the three-brained beings there, in a special way at the base of their spinal column at the root of their tail—for at that time they still had a tail, and that part of their common presence still kept its normal aspect, expressing the 'fullness of their being-significance'—a 'something' that fostered the arising in them of the properties I just mentioned.

"And this 'something' they then for the first time called the 'organ kundabuffer ' "Having made this organ grow in the presence of the three-brained beings and having made sure that it would work, the Most High Commission of Sacred Individuals, headed by the Archangel Sakaki, returned to the Center, reassured and with clear conscience, while on the planet Earth, which has taken your fancy, the action of this ingenious and astonishing invention began to flourish from the very first day, as the wise Mullah Nasr Eddin would say, like 'the trumpets of Jericho.' "Now, if you wish to understand even approximately the results of the properties of the organ devised and brought into existence by the incomparable Angel Looisos—blessed be his name to all eternity—you must know about the various manifestations of the three-brained beings of that planet, not only while this 'organ kundabuffer' actually existed in their presence but also later, after its destruction, for, although this astonishing organ and its properties were destroyed in them, the consequences of its properties, for many reasons, began to be crystallized in their presences "But this I will explain to you some other time "Meanwhile it must be said that there was still a third descent of the Most High Commission to that planet three years later, according to objective time-calculation, but on this occasion it was under the direction of the Most Great Arch-Seraph Sevohtartra, since the Most Great Archangel Sakaki had by then become worthy to be the divine Individual he now is, namely, one of the four All-Quarters Maintainers of the whole Universe. "During this third descent the sacred members of the Most High Commission satisfied themselves by thorough investigation that the precautionary measures they had taken to

maintain the existence of the detached fragments of the planet Earth were no longer needed. And so, among other things, again with the help of the ArchChemist-Physicist, the Angel Looisos, they destroyed in the presence of threebrained beings there the 'organ kundabuffer' with all its astonishing properties. "But now let us return to the tale I began. "After this unexpected interruption, when we had recovered from the bewilderment produced by the catastrophe that had menaced that whole solar system, we slowly resumed the settlement of our new place on the planet Mars. "Little by little we made ourselves familiar with the surrounding nature and adapted ourselves to the existing conditions. "As I have already said, many of us definitely settled down on Mars; and others either left or prepared to leave for other planets of the same solar system, traveling by the ship Occasion, which had been put at the disposal of the beings of our tribe for interplanetary communication. "As for me, I remained on the planet Mars with some of my kinsmen and attendants. "By this time my first 'teskooano' had been set up in the observatory I had constructed there, and I was devoting myself entirely to the organization and development of this observatory of mine, in order to make a more detailed study of the remote concentrations of our Great Universe and of the planets of that solar system. Among the latter, the planet Earth particularly engaged my attention. "Time passed. "The process of existence on this planet was gradually established, and to all appearances was taking place just as on all other planets. "But by close observation it could be seen that the number

of these three-brained beings was increasing Furthermore, sometimes very strange manifestations of theirs could be observed, they did something from time to time that was never done by three-brained beings on other planets, that is, they would suddenly, without rhyme or reason, begin destroying one another's existence. "Sometimes this destruction of one another's existence was not limited to one region but took place in several regions at once, and would last not only for one 'dianosk,' but for many, and even for whole 'ornakras '* "It was also noticeable at times that, owing to this horrible process of theirs, their numbers rapidly diminished, but at other periods, when there was a lull, their numbers noticeably increased. "We gradually got used to this last peculiarity of theirs, telling ourselves that obviously, for certain higher considerations, this property must have been given to the organ kundabuffer intentionally by the Most High Commission, because seeing the fecundity of these biped beings, we assumed that large numbers of them would be needed to maintain the 'common-cosmic harmonious movement.' "Had it not been for this strange peculiarity of theirs, it would never have entered anybody's head that there was something 'fishy' about that planet. "During the period I am speaking of, I visited most of the planets of that solar system, those already populated and those still unpopulated. "Personally I liked best of all the three-centered beings dwelling on the planet 'Saturn ' Their outer form is quite unlike ours, resembling that of the bird-being, 'raven. ' "It is interesting to remark, by the way, that for some reason or other these raven-beings are found not only on * "Dianosk" means "day", "ornakra" means "month"

almost all the planets of this solar system but on most of the planets of our Great Universe where beings of various brain systems arise and are coated with planetary bodies of different forms. "The verbal intercourse of these raven-beings of the planet Saturn is somewhat like our own. But their way of speaking is the most beautiful I have ever heard. "It can be compared to the music of our best singers when with all their being they sing in a minor key. "And as for the quality of their relations with each other—I don't even know how to describe it. It can be known only by existing among them and having the experience oneself. "All that can be said is that these bird-beings have hearts exactly like those of the angels nearest our Endless Maker and Creator. "They exist strictly according to the ninth commandment of our Creator: 'Consider everything belonging to another as if it were your own, and so treat it.' "Later, I must certainly tell you in more detail about those three-brained beings who arise and exist on the planet Saturn, since one of my real friends during the whole period of my exile in that solar system was a being of that planet, who had the exterior coating of a raven and whose name was Harharkh."

CHAPTER

11

A piquant trait of the peculiar psyche of man Now LET us return to those three-brained beings arising on the planet Earth

who have interested you most of all and whom you called 'slugs.'

"I shall begin by saying how glad I am that you happen to be a long way from

those three-centered beings you called by a name so insulting to their dignity,

and that they are not likely ever to hear of it.

"Do you know, my poor child not yet aware of yourself, what those beings, particularly the contemporary ones, would do to you if they heard what you had called them? "What they would do to you if they had you in their clutches—the mere thought of it fills me with horror! "At the very least they would give you such a thrashing that, as our Mullah Nasr Eddin puts it: 'You wouldn't recover your senses before the next crop of birches.' "In any case, I advise you, whenever you start anything new, always to bless Fate and beseech her mercy, so that she may watch over you and keep the beings of the planet Earth from ever suspecting that you, my beloved and only grandson, had the temerity to call them 'slugs.' "You must know that in the years that I observed them, both from the planet Mars and during my sojourns among them, I studied the psyche of these strange three-brained beings very thoroughly, so I know what they would do to anybody who dared to give them such a nickname. "To be sure, it was only in childish naïveté that you called them that, but the three-brained beings of that peculiar planet, and especially the contemporary ones, do not make such nice distinctions.

"Who called them that, why, and in what circumstances, is all one to them. They have been called by a name they consider insulting, and that's quite enough. "Discrimination in such matters, according to the understanding of most of them, is simply 'pouring from the empty into the void.' "Be that as it may, you were extremely rash to call the three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth by such an offensive name; first of all because you have made me anxious for you, and then because you have prepared for yourself a menace for the future. "For, even though you are a long way off and they couldn't get at you to punish you personally, nevertheless, if they should somehow learn, even at twentieth hand, how you had insulted them, you may be sure that their bona fide 'anathema' would fall upon you, and the scope of this anathema would depend upon what chanced to be occupying them at the moment. "Perhaps it might be worth while describing to you how the beings of the Earth would behave if they should happen to learn in what way you had insulted them. This could serve as a good example to elucidate the strangeness of the psyche of these three-brained beings who interest you. "If everything was rather dull for them just then, in the absence of any other absurd interest, the moment they were provoked by your insult they would immediately arrange, somewhere in a previously chosen place, with specially selected people, dressed of course in costumes specially designed for such occasions, what is called a 'solemn council.' "First of all, for this solemn council of theirs they would choose what is called a 'president,' and only then would they proceed with their 'trial.' "To begin with, they would, as they say, 'pick you to pieces,' and not only you but your father, your grandfather, and so on, perhaps all the way back to Adam.

"Further, if they decide—of course, as always by a 'majority of votes'— that you are 'guilty,' they would sentence you according to a code of laws based on former puppet plays of the same kind and collated by beings known as 'old fossils.' "But if they happen, again by a 'majority of votes,' to find nothing criminal in your action, though this very seldom occurs among them, then this whole trial of theirs, recorded in detail on paper and signed by the whole lot of them, would be dispensed—to the wastepaper basket, you think? Not at all—to the appropriate specialists, in this case, to what is called there the 'Holy Synod,' where the same procedure would be repeated, but this time you would be tried by 'important' beings. "Only after this lengthy 'pouring from the empty into the void' would they finally come to the main point, namely, that the accused is out of reach But it is just here that the principal danger to your person arises For when they are certain beyond the shadow of a doubt that they cannot get hold of you, then, as I have already said, they will unanimously decide to do nothing more nor less than 'anathematize' you. "Do you know what this is and how it is done? "No? Then listen and shudder. "The most 'important' beings will proclaim to all the other beings that in all their appointed establishments, called !churches,' 'chapels,' 'synagogues,' 'town halls,' and so on, special officials on special occasions, with appropriate ceremonies, shall mentally wish you something like the following: "That you should lose your horns, that your hair should turn prematurely gray, that the food in your stomach should turn into coffin nails, that your future wife's tongue should grow three times its length, or that whenever you

take a bite of your favorite pastry it should taste like soap, and so on and so forth in the same vein. "Now do you understand what dangers you exposed yourself to when you called those remote three-brained freaks 'slugs'?" With these words Beelzebub looked with a smile at his favorite.

CHAPTER 12

The first growl

AFTER A MOMENT'S pause, Beelzebub continued:

"This story of anathema reminds me of another story, which may provide very

useful material for understanding the strangeness of the psyche of the threebrained beings of that planet which has taken your fancy. Furthermore, it may reassure you a little and give you some hope that, even if these peculiar terrestrial beings did learn how you had insulted them and should anathematize you, things might not turn out so badly for you after all. "The story I am going to tell you is about something that happened quite recently among the three-brained beings of that planet, and which came about as follows: "In one of their large 'communities,' there existed quite peaceably an ordinary being who was by profession a 'writer.' "Here you must know that in long-past ages one could occasionally run across beings of that profession who still invented and wrote something really by themselves, but in later epochs, and especially in recent times, writers have been of the kind that only copy out all sorts of ideas from many books already in existence, and fit them together to make a 'new' book. And in general they prefer books that have reached them from their remote ancestors. "I must point out that the books fabricated by contemporary writers, taken all together, are the principal factor in diluting the Reason of all the other three-brained beings there until it has become, as the venerable Mullah Nasr Eddin says, 'thinner than air.' "And so, my boy, the contemporary writer I was speaking

of was just a 'writer' like all the rest of them, and was nothing particular in himself. "One day, after finishing one of his books, he began to wonder what to write about next, and decided to look for some new 'idea' in the books piled up in his 'library,' which every self-respecting writer there feels obliged to have. "As he was rummaging about, a book called 'The Gospels' fell into his hands. " 'The Gospels' is the name given there to a book written once upon a time by a certain Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John about Jesus Christ, a Messenger from our Endlessness to that planet. "This book is widely circulated among the three-centered beings there who nominally exist according to the indications of this Messenger. "And when this 'writer' happened to come across that book, the notion suddenly popped into his head: 'Why shouldn't I also write a gospel?' "According to certain investigations that I had to make for quite different needs of mine, he must then have deliberated as follows: 'Am I any worse than those ancient barbarians, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and Johnnie? 'At least I am more cultured than they were, and I can certainly write a much better gospel for my contemporaries. 'What is more, a gospel is the very thing that is needed just now, because the "English" and "Americans" have a great weakness for this book, and the rate of exchange of their pounds and dollars is "not half bad" just now.' "No sooner said than done. "From that day forth he 'wiseacred' away at his new gospel. And from the moment it was finished and given to the printer, there began a whole series of unexpected events.

"At any other time, perhaps nothing would have happened and this new 'gospel' of his would simply have slipped into its niche in the libraries of the bibliomaniacs there among the multitudes of other books expounding similar 'truths.' "But fortunately or unfortunately for this writer, it happened that certain 'power-possessing beings' of the great community in which he existed had just been having rotten luck at 'roulette' and 'baccarat' in various resorts abroad, and kept on demanding what is called 'money' from the ordinary beings of their community, whereupon, thanks to these inordinate demands, these beings at last awakened from their usual 'torpor' and began to 'sit up.' "Seeing this, the 'power-possessing beings' who had stayed at home became alarmed and took appropriate measures. "Among these measures was the total and immediate destruction of anything new that appeared in their native land that could possibly keep the ordinary beings of their community from falling back into their torpor. "It was just then that this writer's 'gospel' appeared.

"In the contents of this new 'gospel,' the power-possessing beings found

certain things which, in their understanding, might keep the ordinary beings

from hibernating again, and so they immediately decided to get rid of both

the writer and his 'gospel,' for by now they had become past masters at

getting rid of native 'upstarts' who did not mind their own business.

"But for certain reasons they could not treat this writer in that way This threw them into a quandary, and they hemmed and hawed about what to do. "Some proposed simply to shut him up in a place teeming with 'rats' and 'lice', others to send him to 'Timbuktu,' and so on and so forth, but in the end they decided to anathematize both him and his 'gospel,' with public ceremony and

according to all the rules, no doubt in the very same terms in which they would have anathematized you had they learned how you had insulted them. "And so, my boy, it was there that the strangeness of the psyche of the contemporary three-brained beings of that peculiar planet showed itself; in the case of this writer, when he and his 'gospel' had been publicly anathematized, the result was, as the highly esteemed Mullah Nasr Eddin says, 'just roses, roses.' "What happened was this:

"When the ordinary beings of that community saw what a fuss was made

over this writer by the power-possessing beings, they became greatly interested in him, and bought and read avidly not only this new 'gospel' of his but also all the books he had written before. "Whereupon, as is usual with the three-centered beings breeding on this peculiar planet, they gradually neglected all their other interests, and talked of nothing but this writer, some praising him to the skies while others denounced him. "The upshot of all this discussion and controversy was simply to increase the number of those interested in him, not only in his own community but in others as well. "And this occurred because some of the power-possessing beings of that community, their pockets bulging with money, continued to go to foreign resorts where 'roulette' and 'baccarat' were played; and, still arguing about this writer, little by little they infected the beings of other communities. "In short, owing to the strangeness of their psyche, it has gradually come about that even today, when this 'gospel' has long since been forgotten, the name of its author is known almost everywhere as that of an excellent writer. "Anything he ever wrote is seized upon and regarded as indisputable truth.

"Everybody now regards his writings with the same veneration as was felt by ancient Kalkians when they listened to the prophecies of their sacred 'pythonesses.' "Here it is interesting to remark that if at the present time you were to ask any of the beings there about this writer, he would certainly recognize his name and speak of him as an extraordinary being. "But if you went on to ask what he had written, it would turn out that most of them, if of course they confessed the truth, had never read a single one of his books. "All the same they would talk about him and discuss him, and splutteringly insist that he was a being with an unparalleled mind and a phenomenal knowledge of the psyche of the beings dwelling on the planet Earth."

CHAPTER 13

Why in man's Reason fantasy may be perceived as reality MY DEAR and kind Grandfather, will you please explain to me, if only in a general way, why is it that the beings on the planet Earth take the ephemeral for the real?" To this question of his grandson, Beelzebub replied:

"On the planet Earth this particularity in the psyche of the three-brained

beings arose only during later periods; and it arose only because their predominant part, formed in them as in all three-brained beings, gradually allowed the other parts of their total presence to perceive every new impression without fulfilling what is called 'being-partkdolgduty,' that is to say, merely as such impressions are generally perceived by one or another of their independent localizations known as 'being-centers.' Or, to put it in their language, they believe everything anybody says, instead of believing only what they have been able to verify by their own 'sane deliberation'—in other words, only those convictions they have reached as a result of confronting and evaluating the data already deposited in them, which have given rise to different conceptions in each of their localizations of diverse nature. "In general, a new conception is crystallized in the presences of these strange beings only if Mr. Smith speaks of somebody or something in a certain way; then if Mr. Brown says the same, the hearer is quite convinced that it is just so and could not possibly be otherwise. Thanks to this partic­ ularity of their psyche, most of the beings there, having heard the writer I spoke of praised so highly, are at present quite convinced that he is a very great psychologist, with

an incomparable knowledge of the psyche of the beings of his planet. "As a matter of fact, when I was on that planet for the last time and, having heard of this writer, once went to see him myself on quite another matter, I found him, according to my understanding, just like all the other contemporary writers there, that is, extremely limited or, as our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin would say, 'unable to see further than his nose.' As regards any knowledge of the real psyche of the beings of his planet in actual conditions, he might safely be called a 'complete ignoramus.' "I repeat, the story of this writer shows in a very characteristic way to what extent the three-brained beings who have taken your fancy, particularly the contemporary ones, fail to fulfill 'being-partkdolgduty,' and how there are never crystallized in them any subjective being-convictions formed by their own logical deliberations—as in general is proper to three-brained beings— but instead, only those convictions are crystallized that depend exclusively upon the opinions of others. "And it was only because they failed to fulfill 'being-partkdolgduty'— which alone enables a being to become aware of genuine reality—that they saw in this writer some perfection or other that was not there. "This strange trait of their psyche, that of being satisfied with whatever Smith or Brown says without trying to know more, became rooted in them long ago, and now they no longer make the least effort to know anything that can be understood solely by their own active reflection. "It must be said here that the blame for this lies neither in the organ kundabuffer, which was implanted in their ancestors, nor in its consequences, which were crystallized in them because of a mistake on the part of certain Sacred Individuals, and which later began to pass by heredity from generation to generation.

"No, they themselves are to blame for it, on account of the abnormal conditions of external ordinary being-existence they gradually established, and which have progressively fostered in their common presence what has now become their 'inner evil god,' called 'self-calming.' "But you will understand all this very well for yourself later on when I give you, as I promised, more information about the planet that has taken your fancy. "In any case, I strongly advise you to be most careful in the future, when you refer to the three-brained beings of that planet, not to offend them in any way. Otherwise, as they say, 'With what may the Devil not joke?'—they might hear about your insulting them and, to use another of their expressions, 'lay you by the heels.' "There is no harm in recalling here another wise saying of our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin: 'What on earth will happen next? A flea might swallow an elephant!' Beelzebub was about to say something more, but at that moment a ship's attendant entered and handed him an "etherogram" in his name. When Beelzebub had finished listening to the contents of the "etherogram" and the attendant had gone, Hassein turned to him and said: "Dear Grandfather, please go on and tell me more about the three-centered beings arising and existing on that interesting planet called 'Earth.' " Beelzebub, looking at his grandson once again with a particular smile, made a strange gesture with his head and continued.

CHAPTER

14

Introducing a perspective that promises nothing very cheerful I MUST TELL you that in the beginning the beings on that planet had the same presence as those of all the 'keschapmartnian' three-brained beings arising on all the corresponding planets of the whole of our Great Universe, and that they also had the same duration of existence as all other three-brained beings "The various changes in their presence began for the most part after the second misfortune had occurred to this ill-fated planet, during which its chief continent, existing under the name of 'Atlantis,' entered within the planet. "From that time on, they created all sorts of conditions of external beingexistence that caused the quality of their radiations to go steadily from bad to worse And Great Nature was thus compelled gradually to transform their common presence through various compromises and changes, in order to regulate the quality of the vibrations they radiated, which were required chiefly to preserve the being-welfare of the former fragments of their planet "For the same reason, Great Nature gradually increased the number of beings there to such an extent that they are now breeding on all the lands of that planet. "The exterior forms of their planetary bodies are all much alike, and of course in respect of size and their other subjective characteristics, each of them is coated—just as we are—in accordance with heredity, with the conditions existing at the moment of conception, and with the other factors that serve in general as causes for the arising and formation of every being. "They also differ among themselves in the color of their

skin and in the type of hair they have, and these characteristics of their presence are determined, as everywhere else, by the effects of that part of the surface of their planet where they arise and are formed until they reach responsible age; or, as they say, become 'adult.' "As for their psyche, its fundamental traits have precisely the same peculiarities in all of them, no matter where they arise. And among these is that special property thanks to which only on that strange planet in the whole of the Universe does there occur the horrible process called the 'process of the destruction of each other's existence' or, as they call it on that ill-fated planet, 'war.' "Besides this chief particularity of their common psyche, certain properties in each of them, regardless of where they arise and exist, are completely crystallized and become an integral part of their common presence, properties that exist under the names of 'egoism,' 'self-love,' 'vanity,' 'pride,' 'conceit,' 'credulity,' 'suggestibility,' and many others no less abnormal and unbecoming to the essence of any three-brained being whatsoever. "Of these abnormal properties the most terrible one for them is 'suggestibility.' "Sometime I will tell you specially about this extremely strange property of their psyche." Having said this, Beelzebub became thoughtful, this time for longer than usual; then, turning again to his grandson, he said: "I see that the three-brained beings arising and existing on the peculiar planet called 'Earth' interest you very much and, as during our voyage on the ship Karnak we shall have to talk about many things to while away the time, I shall tell you all I can about them. "To give you a clear understanding of the strangeness of their psyche it will be best if I tell you about my descents

in person to the planet Earth, in the order in which they took place, and about the events that occurred there of which I myself was a witness. "I personally visited the surface of the planet Earth six times, and each of these visits was brought about by a different set of circumstances. "I shall begin with my first descent."

CHAPTER

15

Beelzebub's first descent to the planet Earth

"I DESCENDED to that planet Earth for the first time," Beelzebub began, "on account of a young being of our tribe who had the misfortune to become seriously involved with a three-brained being there, and in consequence got himself mixed up in a very stupid affair. "One day several beings of our tribe, who were also dwelling on the planet Mars, came to my house with a request. "They told me that one of their young kinsmen had emigrated to the planet Earth some 350 Martian years earlier, and that recently he had been the cause of an incident with very disagreeable consequences for all of them. "They went on to say:

'We, his kinsmen, those of us existing on the planet Earth and here on Mars,

at first intended to deal with this unpleasant situation by ourselves, with our

own resources. But in spite of all our efforts and the measures we have taken,

we have so far been unable to accomplish anything. 'And now, being finally

convinced that we are unable to settle this unpleasant affair alone, we venture

to trouble you, Your Right Reverence, and beseech you to be kind enough not

to withhold your wise advice as to how to find a way out of our unhappy situation.' "They then described in detail the misfortune that had befallen them. "From all they told me I saw that this incident was disagreeable not only for the kinsmen of this young being but

also quite possibly for all the beings of our tribe. So I could not do otherwise than undertake at once to help them settle this difficulty of theirs. "At first I tried to help them without leaving the planet Mars, but when I became certain that it would be impossible to do anything effective from so far away, I decided to descend to the planet Earth and there, on the spot, to find some way out The very next day, taking with me everything that might be necessary, I flew there on the ship Occasion. "I may remind you that the Occasion was the ship on which all the beings of our tribe were transported to that solar system and that it had been left for our use in interplanetary communication. "This ship was based on the planet Mars, and its supreme command had been entrusted to me from Above. "And so it was on this ship Occasion that I made my first descent to the planet Earth. "On this first visit of mine, our ship landed on the shores of that very continent which later, during the second misfortune to this planet, disappeared entirely from its surface This continent was called 'Atlantis,' and was then the principal place of existence for the three-brained beings of that planet, and likewise for most of our tribe. "Having disembarked, I went straight from the ship Occasion to the city named 'Samlios,' where that unfortunate young being of our tribe who was the cause of this descent of mine had the place of his existence. "Samlios was at that time a very big city and the capital of the largest community on the planet Earth. "This city was the dwelling place of the head of this large community, who was called King Appolis It was with King Appolis that our young, inexperienced countryman had become involved.

"And it was in Samlios that I learned all the details of the affair.

"It seems that before this incident our unfortunate countryman, being on

friendly terms with the king, was often at his palace. "And one day, while visiting the king, in the course of conversation our young countryman made a 'wager' that was the starting point of all that followed. "You must remember that the community over which King Appolis reigned, and the city of Samlios where he existed, were at that period the greatest and richest on the Earth. "For the upkeep of all this wealth and grandeur, King Appolis naturally needed a great deal of what is called 'money,' and for this exacted a great deal of labor from the ordinary beings of that community. "Here I must remark that at the time of my first descent in person to this planet, the organ kundabuffer no longer existed in the three-brained beings who interest you. But in some of them various consequences of the properties of that organ, so maleficent for them, had already begun to be crystallized. "In the period to which my tale refers, there had been thoroughly crystallized in a number of beings on that planet the consequence of one property which, while the organ kundabuffer itself was still functioning in them, had enabled them, without 'remorse of conscience,' to neglect all their obligations, whether taken upon themselves voluntarily or imposed by a superior. Whenever they did carry out an obligation, it was done only from apprehension and fear of threats from outside. "And it was just this consequence, already crystallized in certain beings of that period, that was the cause of this whole affair.

"And so, my boy, King Appolis, who was extremely conscientious himself about the obligations he had assumed to maintain the greatness of the community entrusted to him, did not spare either his own labor or wealth, while demanding the same from all his subjects. "And since the mentioned consequence of the properties of the organ kundabuffer had by then, as I have just said, been thoroughly crystallized in certain of his subjects, he had to employ every possible kind of 'intimidation' and 'threat' to extract from everyone all that was needed to maintain the greatness of the community. "His methods were so varied, and at the same time so reasonable, that even those of his subjects in whom these consequences had already been crystallized could not help respecting him, although they nicknamed him, of course behind his back, the 'Arch-Cunning.' "Well, my boy, the methods used by King Appolis to extract from his subjects what was necessary for maintaining the greatness of his community seemed to our young countryman, for some reason or other, unjust, and he grew restive and indignant whenever he heard of some new device of the king's for getting what was required. "And so one day, while talking with King Appolis, our naive young countryman could no longer contain his indignation and told the king to his face what he thought of his 'unconscionable' conduct toward his subjects. "The king did not fly into a temper, as usually happens on the planet Earth when somebody pokes his nose into what is none of his business, nor did he have him thrown out by the scruff of his neck Instead he even discussed the whole question with him and explained the reasons for his severity. "They talked for a long time, and the outcome of their

conversation was a 'wager,' that is, they made an agreement, and set it down on paper, and each one signed it with his blood. "Among other things, it was agreed that, from then on, the king would employ only the measures and means indicated by our countryman to obtain what was needed from his subjects. "And in the event that his subjects failed to contribute all that was required of them according to custom, our countryman would be responsible; and he pledged himself to procure for King Appolis's treasury whatever was necessary for the maintenance and further expansion of the capital and the whole community. "And so, my boy, from the very next day the king did indeed fulfill most honorably the obligation he had assumed in the agreement, and he conducted the government exactly as our young countryman indicated. The results of this sort of government, however, very soon proved to be quite the opposite of those anticipated by our simpleton. "The subjects of that community—chiefly, of course, those in whom the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer had already been crystallized—not only stopped paying into the treasury what was required, but even began pilfering what had already been put in. "As our countryman had undertaken to furnish whatever was needed, even signing the agreement with his blood— and you know what the voluntary undertaking of an obligation means to one of our tribe, especially when signed with his blood—he soon had to begin making up to the treasury all that was lacking. "First he put in everything he had himself, then everything he could get from his kinsmen on the planet Earth. And when they had been drained dry, he turned to his kinsmen dwelling on the planet Mars.

"But soon on the planet Mars also his sources ran dry, and still the treasury of the city of Samlios demanded more and yet more, and there was no end in sight. "It was just then that all the kinsmen of this countryman of ours became alarmed, and decided to appeal to me to help them out of their plight. "So, my boy, when we arrived in the city of Samlios I was met by all the beings of our tribe who had remained on that planet, both old and young. "That same evening we called a general meeting to take counsel together in order to find some way out of the situation. "To this first meeting we also invited King Appolis, with whom our elder countrymen had already had many talks with the same aim in view. "And that evening the king, addressing himself to all, began as follows: " 'Impartial friends! Personally, I am deeply sorry for what has happened and for all the trouble it has brought to those assembled here; and I am distressed in all my being that it is beyond my power to extricate you from the difficulties ahead. 'You must know,' the king continued, 'that the machinery of government of my community, set in motion and established for centuries, is now radically changed. To revert to the old order is already impossible without provoking the wrath of most of my subjects. Things have reached a point where by myself I am not able to undo what has been done without bringing on serious consequences, and therefore I beg you all, in the name of justice, to give me your help. 'I bitterly reproach myself,' he added, 'in the presence of all of you, because I am also greatly to blame for all these misfortunes.

'And I am to blame because I ought to have foreseen what would happen, for I have existed longer in these conditions than my young adversary, your kinsman, with whom I made the agreement known to you all. 'To tell the truth, it was unpardonable of me to take such a risk with a being who, though perhaps of much higher Reason than myself, is certainly less practiced than I am in affairs of this kind. " 'Once more I beg all of you, and Your Right Reverence in particular, to forgive me and help me find a way out of this sad predicament. " 'As things are now, I can only do what you will indicate.' "After King Appolis had left, we decided to choose from among ourselves several elderly experienced beings who, that very night, would weigh all the data and draw up a plan of action. "The rest of us then left, with the understanding that we would reassemble the next evening at the same place; but to this second meeting the king was not invited. "At this next meeting, one of the elders who had been selected the night before reported as follows: 'We pondered this lamentable affair the whole night through, and discussed it in all its details, and we have come to the unanimous conclusion that there is no way out but to revert to the former conditions of government. 'Further, we are all in agreement that a return to the former order would unquestionably set off a revolt among the citizens of the community, and that this revolt would certainly be followed by all those consequences that have become inevitable on Earth in such circumstances. 'And of course many of the "power-possessing beings" of this community would suffer terribly, and could even be completely destroyed; and above all it seems impossible that King Appolis could escape such a fate.

" 'We then deliberated further to find some means of diverting these unhappy consequences, if only from the king himself. " 'And we wished at all costs to succeed in this because at our general meeting yesterday evening King Appolis was very frank and friendly with us, and we should all be extremely sorry if he should have to suffer. " 'After much deliberation, we finally concluded that the king could be saved only if, during the expected revolt, the fury of his rebellious subjects could be diverted from his own person to those around him, that is, the members of his "government." " 'But then the question arose would those near the king be willing to take upon themselves the consequences of all this? And we came to the categorical conclusion that they would not consent to this, for they would surely be convinced that the king alone had been to blame, and that therefore he should be the one to pay for it. " 'After all this, and again unanimously, we came to the following decision " 'To save at least King Appolis from such a disaster, we must, with his consent, replace all the beings now holding responsible posts with beings of our own tribe, and while this "mass psychosis" is at its climax, each of them will have to take upon himself his share of the anticipated consequences.' "When our representative had finished his report, after a brief exchange of views we decided unanimously to do just as the elder beings of our tribe had advised. "We then sent one of our elders to put the plan before King Appolis, who agreed to it and renewed his promise to do everything according to our directions. "Whereupon we resolved to delay no longer, but to begin the very next day replacing all the officials with members of our tribe.

"But after two days it turned out that there were not enough beings of our tribe dwelling on the planet Earth to replace all the officials of that community, so we at once sent the ship Occasion to bring some more of our beings from the planet Mars. "Meanwhile King Appolis, guided by two of our elder beings, began under various pretexts to replace numbers of officials with our beings, at first in the city of Samlios. "And when, several days later, our ship Occasion returned from the planet Mars, similar replacements were made in the provinces, and soon everywhere in that community all the responsible posts were filled by beings of our tribe. "When all these changes had been made, King Appolis, still under the guidance of our elders, began to restore the former code of laws for the administration of the community. "Almost from the first days, the restoration of the old order, as had been foreseen, began to have its effect upon the general psyche of the beings in whom the mentioned consequences of the properties of the maleficent organ kundabuffer had been thoroughly crystallized. "Discontent steadily increased until, not long after, that impulse arose among them which has become proper to the presence of the three-brained beings of that planet, and which from time to time inevitably moves them to start the process they now call 'revolution.' "During this 'revolution' they destroyed—as has also become proper to those three-brained phenomena of our Great Universe—a great deal of the wealth they had accumulated over the centuries, as well as much hard-won 'knowledge,' which was lost forever. And they likewise destroyed the existence of many of their fellow beings who had already

chanced upon the means of freeing themselves from the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer. "Here it is interesting to note one most astonishing and incomprehensible fact, namely, that during their subsequent revolutions almost all the threebrained beings there who fall into that 'psychosis,' or at least the overwhelm­ ing majority, always destroy the existence particularly of those beings similar to themselves who happen to be more or less on the track of freeing themselves from the crystallized consequences of the properties of that maleficent organ kundabuffer which, unfortunately, their ancestors had possessed. "So, my boy, while the process of their revolution was running its course, King Appolis retired to one of his summer palaces outside the city of Samlios. "Nobody laid a finger on him, because our beings had prepared their propaganda so that the whole blame should be placed not upon the king but upon those around him, that is, the members of his government. "Moreover, the beings who had fallen into this psychosis even 'grieved' for their king and pitied him, saying that this miserable revolution had broken out because their 'poor king' had been surrounded by such disloyal and ungrateful subordinates. "When the revolutionary psychosis had completely died down, King Appolis returned to Samlios and, again with the help of our elder beings, began replacing our countrymen with those of his former officials who were still alive, or with new ones appointed from among his subjects. "And when the king had reestablished his former policy, his subjects again began filling the treasury with money and obeying their king's commands, and the affairs of the realm once more settled down into the old established tempo

"As for our naive, unfortunate countryman who had been the cause of it all, it was so painful for him that he could no longer bear to remain on the planet that had proved so disastrous for him, and he returned with us to the planet Mars. "And later he even became an excellent governor there for all the beings of our tribe."

CHAPTER 16

The relativity of the concept of Time AFTER A BRIEF silence

Beelzebub continued "In order for you to have a more

exact idea of the strange psyche of those three-brained beings who have taken your fancy and who breed on the planet Earth, and in general a better understanding of everything about this peculiar planet, in my opinion it is very necessary for you to have an accurate conception of how they calculate Time, and of how the being-sensation in their presence of what is called the 'process of the flow of Time' has gradually changed and what it has become today. "This must be made clear to you because only then will you be able to represent to yourself and understand the events on that planet I have already spoken about and those I shall tell you about later. "First of all, you must know that in calculating Time the three-brained beings of that planet take the 'year' as the basic unit, just as we do, and they define the duration of their year as the time it takes for their planet to make a certain movement in relation to another cosmic concentration—that is to say, the period during which their planet, in the process of 'falling' and 'catching up,' describes what is called a 'krentonalnian revolution' around its sun. "This corresponds to our reckoning of a year on the planet Karatas, based upon the period of time between those moments when the sun 'Samos' and the sun 'Selos' are nearest to each other. "A hundred of these years of theirs the beings of the Earth call a 'century ' "They divide the year into twelve parts and each part they call a 'month. '

"And they determine the duration of this month by the time it takes for the larger fragment, separated from the Earth—the one they now call 'Moon'—to complete, according to the cosmic laws of falling and catching up, its full krentonalnian revolution around their planet. "It must be remarked that twelve krentonalnian revolutions of the Moon do not correspond exactly to a single krentonalnian revolution of their planet around its sun, and they have therefore made some compromise or other in calculating these months of theirs, so that the total corresponds more or less to reality. "Further, they divide their month into thirty 'days,' as they call them. "And a day they reckon as that span of time during which their planet makes a complete rotation on its axis, under the action of the same cosmic laws. "Bear in mind, by the way, that they also use the word 'day' to mean that 'trogoautoegocratic' process we call 'kshtatsavakht,' which periodically takes place in the atmosphere of their planet, as on all other planets where the cosmic process called 'ilnosoparno' is actualized. And when this occurs, they say 'it is daytime.' "As regards the opposite process, which we call 'kldatsakhti,' they call it 'night' and say 'it is dark.' "Thus the three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth call their longest unit of measure of time a 'century,' and this century consists of a hundred 'years.' A year has twelve 'months,' a month has an average of thirty 'days.' Further, they divide their day into twenty-four 'hours,' their hour into sixty 'minutes,' and the minute in its turn into sixty 'seconds.' "But since you, my boy, do not yet have any idea of the exceptional peculiarities of Time, you must first be told that

genuine Objective Science defines this cosmic phenomenon thus: " 'Time in itself does not exist, there is only the totality of the results issuing from all the cosmic phenomena present in a given place. ' "Time in itself no being can understand by Reason or perceive by any outer or inner being-function It cannot even be sensed by any gradation of the instinct present in every more or less independent cosmic concentration. "It is possible to evaluate Time only by comparing different cosmic phenomena occurring under the same conditions and in the same place where Time is being considered. "It should be noted that in the Great Universe all phenomena, without exception, wherever they arise and are manifest, are simply successive, lawful 'fractions' of some whole phenomenon which has its prime arising on the Most Holy Sun Absolute. "In consequence, all cosmic phenomena, wherever they proceed, have an 'objective' significance. "And these successive, lawful fractions are actualized in every respect, even in the sense of their involution and evolution, according to the fundamental cosmic law, the sacred Heptaparaparshinokh. "Time alone has no objective significance, since it is not the result of the fractioning of any definite cosmic phenomenon Issuing from nothing, but always

blending

with

everything

while

remaining

self-sufficiently

independent, Time alone in the whole of the Universe can be named and extolled as the 'Ideally Unique Subjective Phenomenon. ' "Thus, my boy, Time or, as it is sometimes called, the 'Heropass,' is unique in having no source on which its origin depends, and it alone, like "divine Love," always flows independently and blends proportionately with all the phenomena present in all the arisings in any given place in our Great Universe.

"Again I say, you will only be able to understand clearly everything I have just told you when I specially explain to you, as I have already promised, all the aspects of the two fundamental laws of world-creation and worldmaintenance. "Meanwhile, simply remember this: since Time has no source of its arising, and its presence cannot be precisely established, as can be done for all other phenomena in every cosmic sphere, Objective Science has, for its examination of Time, the same 'standard unit' that is used to determine exactly the density and quality, in the sense of the vivifyingness of their vibrations, of all cosmic substances present in every place and in every sphere of our Great Universe. "And this standard unit for the evaluation of Time has always been the moment of what is called 'sacred egokoolnatsnarnian sensation,' which appears in the Holy Cosmic Individuals dwelling on the Most Holy Sun Absolute whenever the vision of our Uni-Being Endlessness is directed into space and directly touches their presence. "This standard unit was established in Objective Science to make it possible to define and compare with precision the different degrees of subjective sensation of conscious Individuals as well as what are called the 'diverse tempos' of the various objective phenomena which are manifested throughout the spheres of our Great Universe, and which engender all cosmic arisings, both large and small. "The chief particularity of the process of the flow of Time consists in this: it is perceived in the same way and in the same sequence by the presences of all cosmic formations of different scales. "To give you at least some notion of what I have just been saying, let us take as an example the process of the flow of Time in any drop of water in that decanter on the table. "Each drop of water in that decanter is, in itself, a whole

independent world—a world of 'microcosmoses ' In that little world, just as in other cosmoses, there arise and exist relatively independent, infinitesimal 'individuals' or 'beings. "For the beings of that little world, Time flows in the same sequence as that in which it is sensed by all individuals in all other cosmoses These infinitesimal beings, like the beings of cosmoses of other scales, have the experience of a definite duration for each of their perceptions and manifes­ tations and, like other beings, sense the flow of Time by comparing the duration of phenomena around them. "Like the beings of other cosmoses, they are born, grow up, unite and separate for what are called 'sexual results', they also fall ill and suffer, and ultimately, like everything existing in which Objective Reason has not become fixed, they are as such destroyed forever. "The entire process of existence of these infinitesimal beings in their tiny world requires a proportionate duration of time, which as in other worlds ensues from all the surrounding phenomena manifested on that cosmic scale "For them also a definite length of time is required for the process of their arising and formation, as well as for the various events in the course of their existence up to their final and complete destruction. "In the whole course of existence of the beings in this drop of water certain definite and successive what are called 'periods' of the flow of Time are also required. "A definite time is needed for their joys and for their sorrows, in short, for every kind of indispensable being-experiencing, down to what are called 'runs of bad luck' and even including 'periods of thirst for self-perfection ' "I repeat, among them, too, the process of the flow of Time has its harmonious sequence, and this sequence ensues from the totality of all surrounding phenomena. "In general, the duration of the process of the flow of Time is perceived and sensed in the same way by all cosmic

individuals and by all completely formed units endowed with instinct, the only difference being due to the quality of their presence and of their state at the given moment. "However, my boy, it must be pointed out that although, for separate individuals existing in independent cosmic units, the definition of the flow of Time is not objective in the full sense of the word, their experience acquires a sense of objectivity for them, since they perceive the flow of Time according to the completeness of their own presence. "The same drop of water we have taken as an example can serve to give you a clearer understanding of this thought of mine. "Although, from the standpoint of universal objectivity, the period of the process of the flow of Time in that drop of water is, for the whole of it, entirely subjective, yet for the beings existing within the drop of water itself, this same period of the flow of Time is perceived as objective. "To clarify this idea, those beings called 'hypochondriacs' who exist among the three-brained beings of the planet Earth can serve as another example. "It often seems to these terrestrial hypochondriacs that time passes infinitely slowly or, as they would say, it 'drags phenomenally tediously.' "In exactly the same way, it may occasionally seem to some infinitesimal beings in that drop of water—assuming, of course, that there happen to be 'hypochondriacs' among them—that time drags phenomenally tediously. "But in fact, according to the sensation of the duration of Time of your terrestrial favorites, the whole existence of these 'microcosmoses' lasts only a few of their 'minutes,' and sometimes only a few of their 'seconds.' "Now, my boy, so that you may understand Time and its peculiarities better, let us compare your age with the corresponding age of a being existing on the planet Earth.

"And for this comparison we must take the same standard unit of Time that Objective Science uses for such calculations. "Bear in mind, first of all, that Objective Science has established— according to data about which you will learn later when I have specially explained to you the fundamental laws of world-creation and world­ existence—that all normal three-brained beings, and among them of course those arising on our planet Karatas, sense the sacred 'egokoolnatsnarnian' action, by which they define Time, forty-nine times more slowly than it is sensed by the Sacred Individuals dwelling on the Most Holy Sun Absolute. "Consequently, the process of the flow of Time is forty-nine times quicker for the three-brained beings of our Karatas than for the beings on the Sun Absolute, and this is the speed at which it also should flow for those breeding on the planet Earth. "Moreover, it is calculated that, during the period of time in which the sun Samos completes its movement of closest approach to the sun Selos—the period considered as one 'year' on our Karatas—the planet Earth completes 389 krentonalnian revolutions around its sun Ors It follows from this that our year, according to the conventionally objective calculation of Time, is 389 times longer than the period which your favorites consider a year. "You will surely be interested to know that these calculations were given to me in part by the great Arch-Engineer of the Universe, His Measurability, the Archangel Algamatant—may he be perfected unto the Holy Anklad! He explained them to me when, on the occasion of the first misfortune to the planet Earth, he came to the planet Mars as one of the sacred members of the third Most High Commission And further calculations were given me by the captain of the trans-space ship Omnipresent, with whom I had several friendly talks on my journey home from exile.

"Now you should note that you, as a three-brained being who arose on the planet Karatas, are at present only a twelve-year-old boy and, with regard to Being and Reason, exactly like a boy of twelve on the planet Earth who is still unformed and not yet aware of himself, an age all three-brained beings there live through in the process of growing up to the Being of a responsible being. "All the features of your whole psyche—your 'character,' 'temperament,' and 'inclinations,' in short, all the particularities of your psyche that are manifested outwardly—are exactly the same as those of an immature and still pliant three-brained being there at the age of twelve. "And so, from all I have just said it follows that although, according to our calculation of Time, you are only a boy of twelve, not yet formed and not yet aware of himself, like any boy of that age on the planet Earth, nevertheless, according to the calculation based upon the subjective understanding of your favorites and their being-sensations of the flow of Time, you have already existed not twelve but all of 4, 668 years. "Thanks to all I have said, you will have material for clarifying certain factors that later were the cause of the gradual diminishing of the average normal length of their existence, until it has now become, in the objective sense, 'almost nothing.' "Strictly speaking, this gradual diminution, which has finally reduced the average length of existence of the three-brained beings of that ill-fated planet to 'almost nothing,' had not one but many and varied causes. "Among these, the first and principal cause was, of course, that Nature had to adapt herself correspondingly in order to change their presence little by little into what it is now. As for the other causes, it must be said in all justice that

they might never have arisen on that ill-fated planet had that first cause not occurred, from which, in my opinion, all the others followed, though of course very gradually. "You will understand all this, my boy, in the course of my further tales about these three-brained beings, for the moment I shall speak only of the first and principal cause, that is, of why and how Great Nature herself was compelled to take stock of their presence and to give it a new form. "To begin with, you should know that throughout the Universe there exist two 'kinds,' or two 'principles,' of duration of being-existence. "The first principle of being-existence, called 'fulasmtamnian,' is proper to all three-brained beings arising on any planet of our Great Universe And the fundamental meaning and aim of their existence is to serve as the vehicle for the transmutation of cosmic substances necessary for the 'common-cosmic trogoautoegocratic process.' "The second principle of being-existence is the one to which all onebrained and two-brained beings are subject, wherever they may arise And the meaning and aim of the existence of these beings also consists in the transmutation through them of cosmic substances, which are required, in their case, not for purposes of common-cosmic character, but for that solar system alone, or even for that planet alone within which or upon which these onebrained and two-brained beings arise. "In any event, to make clearer the strangeness of the psyche of those threebrained beings who have taken your fancy, you must know that, in the beginning, after the organ kundabuffer with all its properties had been removed from their presence, the duration of their existence conformed to the 'fulasmtamnian' principle, that is to say, they were obliged to exist until there was coated in them, and completely perfected in Reason, what is called the 'kesdjan

body'—or, as they themselves later named it, the 'astral body'—which, by the way, contemporary beings know of only by hearsay. "But afterward, my boy, for reasons you will learn about in the course of my further tales, they began to exist exceedingly abnormally, that is to say, in a way quite unbecoming to three-brained beings; so that on the one hand, they ceased to emanate the vibrations required by Nature for the maintenance of the detached fragments of their planet, while on the other, impelled by the chief peculiarity of their strange psyche, they began to destroy beings of other forms on their planet, thereby gradually diminishing the number of sources required for this purpose. And in order to obtain the equilibrium of the vibrations required, both in quality and quantity, Nature herself was compelled to adapt the presence of the three-brained beings gradually to conform to the second principle, called 'itoklanotz,' that is, to actualize them in the same way as one-brained and two-brained beings. "As regards the meaning of the principle of 'itoklanotz,' I shall also specially explain it to you sometime. "Meanwhile remember that although in the beginning the reasons for the dwindling of the duration of existence of the three-brained beings of that planet were not dependent on them, yet later the main grounds for all the sad results were—and are even more so today—the abnormal conditions of external ordinary being-existence established by them themselves. "Owing to these conditions, the duration of their existence has become shorter and shorter so that now, if one compares it with that of three-brained beings of other planets in the whole Universe, the difference is as great as between their own duration of existence and that of the infinitesimal beings in the drop of water we took as an example.

"Do you understand now, my boy, that even the Most Great Heropass, that is, Time, has been compelled to actualize an obvious absurdity in the presence of those unfortunate three-brained beings who arise and exist on the planet Earth? "In any case, thanks to all I have explained to you, you will be able to put yourself in the position and understand the although merciless yet always, and in everything, just Heropass." Having uttered these words, Beelzebub became silent. When he spoke again to his grandson, it was with a deep sigh: "Ekh . . . my dear boy! Later, when I have told you more about the threebrained beings of that ill-fated planet Earth, you will understand it all for yourself and form your own opinion about everything. "You will understand very well that although the primary cause of the general chaos reigning on that ill-fated planet Earth was certain 'unforeseeingnesses' from Above on the part of various Sacred Individuals, nevertheless the chief cause of all the evils that followed is to be found in the abnormal conditions of ordinary being-existence they themselves gradually established, and continue to establish, down to the present time. "In any case, my dear boy, when you learn more about these favorites of yours, not only will you see how pitiably short the duration of the existence of these unfortunates has become compared with the normal duration long since established as lawful for every kind of three-centered being in our Great Universe, but you will also understand that, for the same reasons, any normal being-sensations whatsoever in regard to any cosmic phenomena have gradually disappeared and are now quite absent in them. "Although, according to the conventionally objective reckoning of Time, the beings of that ill-fated planet had

their arising several decades ago, they have not as yet any being-sensation of cosmic phenomena, as is proper to all three-centered beings of the whole Universe, nor have these unfortunates even the least representation in their Reason of the true causes of these phenomena. They do not even have an approximately correct representation of those cosmic phenomena that proceed around them on their own planet."

CHAPTER

17

The arch-absurd:

According to the assertion of Beelzebub,

our sun neither lights nor heats

"SO, MY DEAR Hassein, in order that you may have some idea of how completely the function called the 'instinctive sensing of reality,' proper to every three-brained being of the whole of our Great Universe, is lacking in the presence of the three-centered beings breeding on the planet Earth—especially in those of recent periods—it will be enough for the moment to tell you how they understand and explain to themselves the reasons why there occur periodically on their planet the cosmic phenomena they call 'daylight,' 'darkness,' 'heat,' 'cold,' and so on. "All the three-brained beings of that planet who have reached responsible age, under the influence of the many and various wiseacrings they call 'sciences,' are without exception categorically convinced that these phenomena arrive on their planet completely ready-made, as it were, di-rect­ ly from their own sun and, as Mullah Nasr Eddin would say in such cases, 'no more hokey-pokey about it.' "What is most peculiar about this is that, apart from certain beings who existed there before the second transapalnian perturbation, not a single one of them has ever had the least doubt about this conviction of theirs. "Although their Reason, strange as it is, does bear some resemblance to sane logic, none of them has ever yet suspected the causes of these phenomena, nor has anyone manifested in this regard that peculiar trait of their common psyche, proper to the three-brained beings of that planet alone, known as 'fantasizing.' "

Having said this, Beelzebub continued with a bitter smile: "You, for instance, have the normal presence of a three-brained being and an 'oskiano'—or, as they say on the Earth, 'education'—intentionally implanted from outside in your presence, and founded upon a morality based solely on the commandments and indications of the Uni-Being Himself and the Most Holy Individuals near Him. And so, if you should chance to be among the beings of that planet, you would be unable to contain your 'being-parkhitrogool,' or what they call 'irrepressible inner laughter,' at their astonishment if they should suddenly sense clearly, and understand beyond all doubt, that not only does nothing like 'light,' 'heat,' and so on come to their planet from their sun, but that this supposed 'source of heat and light' is itself almost always freezing cold, like the hairless dog of our highly esteemed Mullah Nasr Eddin. "In reality, the surface of their 'source of heat,' like that of all the ordinary suns of our Great Universe, is perhaps \ more covered with ice than the surface of what they call the 'North Pole.' "Surely this 'glowing hearth' would rather borrow a little 'heat' from some other source of cosmic substances than send part of its own to any planet, least of all to that one which, because of the splitting off of a whole side, has become a lopsided monstrosity, and is now a source of 'offensive shame' for that poor system Ors. "But you yourself, my boy, do you know how and why there are produced in the atmosphere of certain planets during trogoautoegocratic processes the phenomena of 'kshtatsavakht,' 'kldatsakhti,' 'tainolair,' 'paischakir,' and others, which your favorites call 'daylight,' 'darkness,' 'heat,' 'cold,' and so on? If you do not understand this clearly, I will tell you a little more about it. "Although

I

promised

to

explain

all

the

fundamental

laws

of world-creation and world-existence in detail sometime later it appears necessary, in order to help you grasp what we are speaking of and assimilate in the right way all I have already told you, to touch now, if only briefly, upon questions concerning these cosmic laws. "First of all, you must know that everything in the Universe—all that was intentionally created and all that has automatically arisen—exists and is maintained solely on the basis of the 'common-cosmic trogoautoegocratic process.' "This most great common-cosmic trogoautoegocratic process was actualized by our Endless Uni-Being when there already existed the Most Great and Most Holy Sun Absolute, on which our All-Gracious Endless Creator had and still has the chief place of His existence. "This system, which maintains everything that arises and exists, was established by our Endless Creator to permit the 'exchange of substances,' or 'reciprocal feeding' of everything existing, to proceed in the Universe, so that the merciless Heropass would no longer have its maleficent effect on the Sun Absolute. "This most great common-cosmic trogoautoegocratic process is actualized, always and in everything, on the basis of the two fundamental cosmic laws, the first

of which

is called 'the fundamental first-order sacred

Heptaparaparshinokh,' and the second 'the fundamental first-order sacred Triamazikamno. ' "Owing to the action of these two sacred cosmic laws, there first arise from the substance called 'ethernokrilno,' under certain conditions, various what are called 'crystallizations', and from these crystallizations there later arise, also under certain conditions, various large and small, more or less independent, definite cosmic 'formations.' "And it is just within and upon these cosmic formations that the processes called 'involution' and 'evolution' take place, of course also according to the two fundamental sacred

laws; and all the results obtained from these processes in the atmospheres— and furthermore, by means of these same atmospheres—blend to assure the actualization of this 'exchange of substances.' 'Ethernokrilno' is the primordial substance with which the whole Universe is filled, and which is the basis for the arising and maintenance of everything that exists. "In regard to this. Objective Science declares that everything in the Universe without exception is material. "You should also know that only one cosmic crystallization, known as the 'Omnipresent Okidanokh,' although also crystallized from ethernokrilno, has its

prime

arising

from

the

three

holy

sources

of

the

sacred

'Theomertmalogos,' that is, from the emanations of the Most Holy Sun Absolute. "Everywhere in the Universe this Omnipresent Okidanokh, or 'omnipresent active element,' takes part in the formation of all arisings, both great and small, and is in general the principal cause of most cosmic phenomena and, in particular, of those proceeding in the atmospheres. "So that you may have at least some understanding of this Omnipresent Okidanokh, let me tell you that the second fundamental cosmic law—the sacred Triamazikamno— consists of three independent forces; that is to say, this sacred law manifests itself everywhere and in everything in the Universe, without exception, in three separate and independent aspects. "And these three aspects exist in the Universe under the following names:

The first, the Holy Affirming;

The second, the Holy Denying; and The third, the Holy

Reconciling.

"This is why Objective Science, among other statements about this sacred law and its three independent forces, has the following formulation 'A law whose consequences always become the cause of further consequences, and which always functions by means of three independent and quite opposite manifestations, latent within it as properties neither seen nor sensed ' "Our sacred Theomertmalogos, that is, the prime emanation of our Most Holy Sun Absolute, is subject at its very arising to this same law, and in its further actualizations gives results in conformity with it. "The Omnipresent Okidanokh obtains its prime arising in space outside the Most Holy Sun Absolute from the blending of these three independent forces into one, and in the course of its further involutions, it is correspondingly changed in the 'vivifyingness of its vibrations' during its passage through what are called the 'stopinders,' or 'centers of gravity,' of the fundamental sacred Heptaparaparshinokh. "I repeat the Omnipresent Okidanokh, among other definite cosmic crystallizations, unfailingly participates in all cosmic formations, both large and small, wherever they arise in the Universe and whatever the external surrounding conditions. "This common-cosmic 'unique crystallization,' or 'active element,' has several particularities proper to it alone, and it is chiefly owing to these particularities that most cosmic phenomena occur—among others, those we have spoken of that take place in the atmosphere of certain planets. "While, as I said, there are several particularities of the 'omnipresent active element,' it will be enough for our present talk if we become acquainted with just two of them. "The first consists in this when a new cosmic unit is being concentrated, the 'omnipresent active element' does not blend as a whole with this new arising, nor is it transformed

as a whole in any definite place in it—as occurs with all other cosmic crystallizations in all these cosmic formations—but as soon as it enters as a whole into any cosmic unit, there immediately occurs in it what is called 'djartklom,' that is, it is dispersed into the three fundamental sources from which it arose Then these three sources, each separately, give rise to the independent concentration of three new distinct formations within the cosmic unit And in this way the 'omnipresent active element' actualizes, at the beginning of every such new arising, sources for the possible manifestation of its own sacred law of Triamazikamno. "It must also be noted that in every cosmic formation, in order to assure the perception and further utilization of this property of the 'omnipresent active element' for the purpose of a corresponding actualization, these separate sources exist and have the possibility of functioning as long as the given cosmic unit exists. "And only after the given cosmic unit has been completely destroyed do these holy sources of the sacred Triamazikamno, localized in the 'omnipresent active element' Okidanokh, reblend, to be again transformed into Okidanokh, but now with vibrations having a new quality of vivifyingness. "As regards the second particularity of the Omnipresent Okidanokh, also proper to it alone, and which it is now essential to elucidate for our talk on this subject, you will be able to understand this only if you know something about a fundamental second-order cosmic law existing in the Universe under the name of the sacred 'Aieioiuoa.' "This cosmic law may be expressed thus 'Every arising, large or small, when in direct touch with the "emanations" of the Sun Absolute itself or of any other sun, undergoes a process called "remorse," during which each of its parts, issuing from the results of one of the holy sources of the

sacred Triamazikamno, "revolts" as it were, and "criticizes" the former unbecoming perceptions and the manifestations taking place at the moment in another part of its whole—a part issuing from the results of another holy source of the same fundamental sacred law of Triamazikamno. "The 'omnipresent active element' Okidanokh itself is also subject to this sacred process of Aieioiuoa, or 'remorse.' "During this sacred process, as long as the action of the sacred Theomertmalogos or the emanation of any ordinary sun is directly affecting the whole of its presence, the 'active element' separates into its three primordial parts, which then exist almost independently, but when the direct action ceases these parts blend again to exist once more as a whole. "Here, by the way, it will be good to tell you an interesting fact about the strangeness of the psyche of the ordinary three-brained beings of the planet that has taken your fancy—a fact that relates to their 'scientific speculations,' as they call them During the long centuries of my observation and study of their psyche, I had occasion to remark more than once that, although science appeared among them from almost the very beginning of their arising and, like everything else there, periodically reached a more or less high degree of perfection, and though millions of so-called 'scientists' must have arisen among them, not once did the thought enter the head of any one of them— with the single exception of a certain Chinese named Choon Kil Tess, about whom I will tell you later in detail—that there is any difference whatever between the two cosmic phenomena they call 'emanation' and 'radiation. ' "Not one of these 'sorry scientists' has ever realized that the difference between these two cosmic processes is comparable to that which our highly esteemed Mullah Nasr Eddin once expressed in these words 'They are as much alike

as the beard of the famous English Shakespeare and the no less famous French armagnac.' "To understand more about the phenomena taking place in the atmospheres and about the 'omnipresent active element' in general, you must also know and remember that during the periods when, owing to the action of the sacred Aieioiuoa, the process of 'djartklom' takes place in the Okidanokh, there is temporarily released the portion of pure— namely 'totally unblended'— ethernokrilno that unfailingly enters into all cosmic formations and serves, as it were, to connect all the active elements of any given formation; and afterward, when the three principal parts of Okidanokh re-blend, this portion of pure ethernokrilno is restored. "Now let us touch briefly on another question, that is, the relationship of the 'omnipresent active element' Okidanokh to the common presence of every being and the cosmic results arising from this. "It is necessary to touch on this question chiefly because it will bring out a very striking fact, which will help you grasp the differences between the various brain systems of beings, called the 'one-brained,' 'two-brained,' and 'three-brained' systems. "First of all, you should know that every cosmic localization known as a 'brain' takes its form from crystallizations for whose arising the affirming source is one or another of the corresponding holy forces of the fundamental sacred Triamazikamno contained in the Omnipresent Okidanokh. And the holy forces are further actualized in the presence of beings precisely through these localizations. "Some other time I will give you a special explanation of the process of the arising of being-brains in the presence of beings; meanwhile, let us talk a little about the results which the Omnipresent Okidanokh actualizes by means of these being-brains.

"The 'omnipresent active element' Okidanokh enters the presence of beings through the three kinds of 'being-food.' "And it does so because, as I have already told you, Okidanokh necessarily participates in the formation of all the products that serve as being-food, and is therefore always present in them. "Well, my boy, the essential peculiarity of the Omnipresent Okidanokh is that, in this case, it undergoes the process of 'djartklom' in the presence of beings independently of any contact with the emanations of a large cosmic concentration; and the factors for this process are either the results of 'partkdolgduty' consciously actualized by the beings themselves— which I will later explain to you in detail—or that process of Great Nature existing in the Universe under the name of 'kerkoolnooarnian actualization,' which consists in 'obtaining the required totality of vibrations by adaptation.' This latter process takes place in beings without any participation whatever of their consciousness. "In both cases when Okidanokh enters the presence of a being and undergoes the process of 'djartklom,' each of its fundamental parts blends with those perceptions present in the being at the moment which correspond to it according to what are called 'kindred vibrations,' and it is then concentrated upon the corresponding localization, that is, upon the corresponding brain. These blendings are called 'being-impulsakri.' "Note well, my boy, that these localizations, or brains, not only serve as apparatuses for the transformation of corresponding cosmic substances for the purposes of the most great common-cosmic Trogoautoegocratic but are also the means whereby the conscious self-perfecting of beings is possible. "This latter aim depends upon the quality of the 'being-impulsakri' concentrated or, as is otherwise said, deposited onto the being-brains.

"Concerning the quality of the 'being-impulsakri,' there is one special commandment, among the direct commandments of our All-Embracing Endlessness, which is strictly observed by all normal three-brained beings of our Great Universe, and is expressed in the words 'Always guard against such perceptions as may soil the purity of your brains.' "Three-brained beings have the possibility of personal self-perfecting because of the localization in their common presence of three centers, or three brains, upon which, when the Omnipresent Okidanokh undergoes the process of 'djartklom,' the three holy forces of the sacred Triamazikamno are deposited and acquire the possibility of further, this time independent, actualizations. "The point is that beings having this three-brained system can, by the conscious and intentional fulfilling of being-partkdolgduty, utilize for their own presence the three holy forces liberated from the Omnipresent Okidanokh by the process of 'djartklom,' and so bring their presence to what is called the 'sakronoolantsaknian' state, that is to say, they can become Individuals who have their own sacred law of Triamazikamno, and thereby the possibility of consciously taking in and coating in their common presence that 'All-Holy' which, among other things, helps to actualize the functioning in cosmic units of objective or divine Reason. "Nevertheless, my boy, Just here lies the great terror The three-brained beings of the planet Earth also have, up to the time of their complete destruction, these three independent localizations, or being-brains, through which the three holy forces of the sacred Triamazikamno, which they might use for their own self-perfecting, are transformed for further actualizations, yet, because of the abnormal conditions of ordinary being-existence established by them themselves, these possibilities beat their wings in vain "It is interesting to note that in the three-brained beings

of the planet Earth these being-brains are found in the same parts of the planetary body as in us. That is: "The brain predetermined by Great Nature for the concentration and further actualizing of the first holy force of the sacred Triamazikamno, called the 'Holy Affirming,' is localized in the head. "The second brain, which transforms and crystallizes the second holy force of the sacred Triamazikamno, the 'Holy Denying,' is placed in them, as in us, along the whole length of the back, in what is called the 'spinal column.' "But as for the place of concentration and source for further manifestation of the third holy force of the sacred Triamazikamno, namely, the 'Holy Reconciling,' the exterior form of this being-brain in them bears no resemblance whatever to ours. "You must know that in the earliest three-brained beings there, this beingbrain was localized in the same part of the planetary body as in us, and had exactly the same exterior form, but for many reasons you yourself will come to understand in the course of my talks, Great Nature was constrained to alter this brain little by little and to give it the form it has in contemporary beings "In your favorites of the present day this being-brain is not localized in one whole mass, as is proper to the presence of all other three-brained beings of our Great Universe, but is split up into parts and each of these parts, according to its 'specific functioning,' is localized in a different place in their planetary body. "Although, in its exterior form, this being-center of theirs now has different places of concentration, nevertheless all its separate functionings have corresponding connections with one another, so that the sum total of these scattered parts can function exactly as is proper for it to function. "They call these separate localizations in their common presence 'nerve nodes. '

"It is interesting to note that most of these places of concentration are located in the very region of the planetary body where this being-brain would normally be, that is, in the region of the chest, and the totality of these nerve nodes they call the 'solar plexus.' "And so, my boy, in the presence of each one of your favorites, the Omnipresent Okidanokh undergoes the process of 'djartklom,' and in them also, each of its three holy forces blends independently with other cosmic crystallizations for a corresponding actualization. But since they have entirely ceased to fulfill being-partkdolgduty, chiefly because of the abnormal conditions of being-existence gradually established by them themselves, none of these holy sources of everything existing is transubstantiated for their own presences, except the denying source alone. "The crystallizations that arise in their presence from the first and third holy forces are utilized almost entirely by the common-cosmic trogoautoegocratic process, and only the crystallizations of the second part of the Omnipresent Okidanokh, the Holy Denying, serve for the coating of their own presence. Hence most of them remain with a presence consisting of the planetary body alone, and are thus, for themselves, destroyed forever. "As regards the particularities proper only to the omnipresent, everywhere penetrating, active element Okidanokh, and the further results produced by them, you will have a clear picture of all this when I have explained to you in more or less detail, as I have already promised, the fundamental laws of world-creation and world-maintenance. "In the meantime, I shall tell you about the elucidating experiments pertaining to this omnipresent cosmic crystallization at which I was present in person. "However, it was not on the planet Earth that I was an

eyewitness to these experiments, nor did your favorites conduct them. They were carried out on the planet Saturn by that three-brained being who, during almost the whole period of my exile in that solar system, was my real friend, about whom I recently promised to tell you in more detail."

CHAPTER 18

The arch-preposterous BEELZEBUB continued:

"My first meeting with the three-centered being who later became my

'essence-friend,' and thanks to whom I saw these experiments with the 'Omnipresent Okidanokh,' took place in the following circumstances. "You must know that at the beginning of my exile to that solar system, certain essence-friends of mine, who had not taken part in the events that caused my exile, carried out in relation to me personally the sacred process which exists in the Universe under the name of the sacred 'vznooshlitzval,' that is to say, they implanted in the presence of certain corresponding threecentered beings, by means of another sacred process called 'askalnooazar,' the impulse that Objective Science describes as 'trusting another as oneself.' "Well then, soon after my arrival in the solar system Ors I began visiting its various planets. And when I first descended to the surface of the planet Saturn, it turned out that one of the beings who had undergone the sacred action of 'vznooshlitzval' in regard to my person was what is called there the 'harakhrakhrookhry' of all the three-centered beings arising and existing on that planet. "On the planet Saturn 'harakhrakhrookhry' is the name given to the sole chief of all the other beings on that planet. "Such being-chiefs also exist on every other planet where three-brained beings breed; on different planets they are differently named, and on the Earth such a chief is called a 'king.' "The only difference is that while everywhere else, even on the other planets of the same system, there is only one 'king' for the whole planet, on your peculiar planet Earth,

for each accidentally separated group of your favorites there is a separate 'king,' sometimes even several of them. "Well . . . "When I descended to the surface of the planet Saturn, and began to mingle with the three-centered beings there, it chanced that on the day after my arrival I had occasion to have a meeting with the harakhrakhrookhry himself In the course of our exchange of subjective opinions he invited me to stay in his own 'harkhookhry,' that is, his palace, for the whole of my sojourn on his planet. "And this I did.

"So, my boy, once while we were talking, simply according to the flow of

'associative being-mentation,' we happened to touch upon the question of the strange results that arise from the manifestations of the particularities of the Omnipresent Okidanokh The venerable harakhrakhrookhry of the planet Saturn mentioned that one of his learned subjects by the name of Harharkh, in order to study certain previously unexplained properties of that cosmic substance, had recently devised an exceedingly interesting apparatus, the chief demonstrating part of which he called 'hrakhartzakha.' "And he offered to make the necessary arrangements, if I wished, to have this new invention shown to me with full explanations. "The result was that the following day, escorted by one of the venerable harakhrakhrookhry's attendants, I went to the place of existence of Gornahoor Harharkh, and there for the first time I witnessed those novel experiments elucidating the Omnipresent Okidanokh. "Gornahoor Harharkh, who afterward, as I have already told you, became my essence-friend, was then considered one of the foremost scientists among the ordinary three-

brained beings of the whole Universe All his discoveries were widely known, as were the apparatuses he had invented for his experiments, and on various other planets other learned beings were making more and more use of them. "Here it will do no harm to remark that I owe it entirely to his knowledge that I was later able to install in my observatory on the planet Mars that 'teskooano' which enhanced the power of my sight and, as is said, increased the visibility of remote cosmic concentrations 7, 000, 285 times. "The truth is, it was thanks to this teskooano that my observatory was later regarded as one of the best installations of its kind in the whole Universe Most important of all, by means of this teskooano I was able, even while staying at home on Mars, to see and observe relatively easily the processes of existence taking place on those parts of the surface of other planets of that solar system which, in accordance with the 'common-cosmic harmonious movement,' could be perceived by 'being-sight' at the given moment. "When Gornahoor Harharkh was told who we were and why we had come, he came to meet us and very amicably began his explanations. "Before going into this, perhaps I should warn you once and for all that my conversations with three-centered beings dwelling on the various planets of that solar system where I was obliged to exist for the 'sins of my youth'— as for instance the conversation with Gornahoor Harharkh—were all held in languages still unknown to you, whose consonances were sometimes quite 'indigestible' by the normal being-functions meant for this purpose. "And so, my boy, I shall not repeat these conversations word for word, but simply give you their meaning in our language, continuing of course to use those 'terms' and 'specific names'—or rather those combinations of sounds pro-

duced by the being-vocal cords of your favorites on the planet Earth—which, owing to their frequent repetition in my tales, have by now become familiar to you and easily understood. "Ah yes . . . it should be added here that the word 'gornahoor' is used by the three-brained beings of the planet Saturn as a matter of courtesy, they put it in front of the name of the one they are addressing It is the same with your favorites on the planet Earth, who have invented the custom of putting the word 'mister,' or sometimes a whole meaningless phrase, in front of the name of the person they are speaking to—which expresses a notion that our hon­ orable Mullah Nasr Eddin characterizes in the saying. " 'Even so, there's more in it than in the wiseacrings of an expert in monkey-business.' "Well, my boy . . . "When he had been informed of what was required of him, this future essence-friend of mine, Gornahoor Harharkh, made a sign to us to approach that special appliance he had invented, which he called 'hrakhartzakha.' "As we came nearer this very strange construction, he pointed to it with a particular feather of his right wing, and said: " 'This special appliance is the chief part of my whole invention, and it is just in this part that the results of almost all the particularities of the omnipresent substance Okidanokh are found and manifested. ' "Then, pointing to all the other appliances in the 'khrkh,' or 'workshop,' he added: 'All these special appliances that I invented have enabled me to obtain certain extremely important clarifications about the omnipresent and everywhere-penetrating Okidanokh, because they made it possible for me first to collect all three fundamental parts of Okidanokh from every kind of sur-

planetary and intraplanetary process and then to blend them artificially into a whole; and finally to dissociate them, also artificially, and to study the specific properties of each part separately in its manifestations.' "Having said this, he again pointed to the 'hrakhartzakha' and added that by means of this experimental apparatus any ordinary being could clearly understand in detail the properties of the three parts—entirely independent in themselves and in their manifestations—of the 'unique active element' whose particularities are the chief cause of everything existing in the Universe. Furthermore, any ordinary being could become categorically convinced that no results normally obtained from the processes through which this om­ nipresent world-substance passes can ever be perceived or sensed by beings. The only results of these processes that can be perceived by certain beingfunctions are those that for some reason or other occur abnormally on account of causes coming from without, either from conscious sources or from accidental mechanical results. "The part of Gornahoor Harharkh's new invention called 'hrakhartzakha,' and considered the most important, looked very much like a 'tirzikiano' or, as your favorites would say, a huge 'electric light bulb.' "The interior of this original structure was rather like a smallish room with a door that could be hermetically sealed. "The walls were made of a certain transparent material, resembling what is called 'glass' on your planet. "As I later learned, the chief particularity of this transparent material was that, although with the organ of sight a being could perceive every kind of cosmic concentration through it, it did not permit any rays, whatever their source, to penetrate it, either from within or from without. "As I looked at this part of that astonishing being-invention, I could clearly distinguish through its transparent walls, in the center, what seemed to be a table and two

chairs. Above the table hung three identical 'things' like terrestrial electric light bulbs and resembling 'momonodooars.' On the table and standing beside it were several different apparatuses and instruments altogether unknown to me. "I afterward realized that all the objects contained in this 'hrakhartzakha,' as well as everything we were to put on later, were made of special materials invented by Gornahoor Harharkh As regards these materials, I will go into more detail at the proper time. "Meanwhile bear in mind that in the enormous 'khrkh,' or workshop, of Gornahoor Harharkh, besides the 'hrakhartzakha' there were several other large independent apparatuses, and among them two quite special 'life­ chakhans,' which Gornahoor Harharkh called 'khrikhirkhis.' "It is interesting to note that your favorites also have something like this 'life-chakhan,' or 'khrikhirkhi,' which they call a 'dynamo.' "At one side stood another enormous appliance which turned out to be a special kind of 'solookhnorakhoona,' or what your favorites would describe as a 'pump of complex construction for exhausting the atmosphere to the point of absolute vacuum. "While I was looking at all this with amazement, Gornahoor Harharkh went over to this complex pump and with his left wing moved one of its parts, thus putting a certain mechanism in motion He then came back to us and, pointing with the same special feather of his right wing to the largest 'life-chakhan,' or 'khrikhirkhi,' that is, 'dynamo,' continued his explanations: 'This particular appliance first sucks in separately all the three independent parts of the omnipresent active element Okidanokh present in the atmosphere or in any intraplanetary or surplanetary formation, and only when these sep-

arate parts have been artificially reblended into a single whole in the "khrikhirkhi" does Okidanokh, now in its usual state, flow into that "container," where it is concentrated.' Here he pointed, still with the same feather, to something very much like a 'condenser.' " 'From there,' he said, 'Okidanokh flows into another "khrikhirkhi," or "dynamo," where it undergoes the process of "djartklom"; and each of its separate parts is then concentrated in those other containers over there.' This time he pointed to what resembled 'accumulators.' 'Only then, by means of various artificial contrivances, do I take each active part of Okidanokh separately from these secondary containers for use in my experiments. " 'I shall first demonstrate what happens when, for any reason, one of the active parts of the Omnipresent Okidanokh is absent during the process of their "striving to reblend into a whole." 'At the present moment, inside this apparatus, there is indeed an absolute vacuum, made possible only by the special construction of the suction pump and by the quality and strength of the material of which the walls of this part of my new invention are made. Experiments in this absolute vacuum are also possible because of the special quality of the materials of which the instruments are made.' "Having said this, Gornahoor Harharkh pulled another lever and continued: 'When this lever is pulled, there begins to take place within this empty space the process whereby the separate parts of the Omnipresent Okidanokh "strive to reblend into a whole." 'But since an "able Reason"—my own, in this case—• has by intention artificially excluded the third part of Okidanokh, known as "parijrahatnatius," the process is now taking place between only two of its independent parts,

which science calls "anodnatius" and "cathodnatius." consequently, instead of the law-conformable results that would issue from the blending of the three parts, a non-law-conformable result is now being actualized ensuing from "the reciprocal blending of two opposite forces," and ordinary beings call this result "the cause of artificial light." " 'The "striving to reblend into a whole" of two active parts of the Omnipresent Okidanokh now proceeding in this vacuum has a force, calculated by Objective Science, of 3 040, 000 volts, and this force is indicated by the needle of that appliance over there. ' "He pointed to 'something' very much like the apparatus called a 'voltmeter' on your planet and said, 'One of the advantages of my new invention for the demonstration of this phenomenon is that in spite of the extraordinary power of the "force of striving" now proceeding there, the "salnichissinooarnian momentum-vibrations," which should issue from this process, and which most beings regard as "rays," do not issue from the place of their arising, that is, the interior of this apparatus, where the particularities of the Omnipresent Okidanokh are being studied. " 'But in order that beings who are outside this part of my invention may evaluate the force of this process, I purposely made the wall in one place out of a material which allows the "salnichissinooarnian momentum-vibrations," or "rays," to pass through.' "Having said this he went up to the 'hrakhartzakha' and pressed a certain button Suddenly the enormous khrkh, or workshop, was flooded with such an intense light that our organs of sight temporarily ceased to function, and only after a considerable time could we, with great difficulty, raise our eyelids and look around. "As soon as we had recovered, Gornahoor Harharkh pulled another lever, which restored the surrounding space

to its usual appearance. Then in his customary angel voice he again drew our attention to the needle of the voltmeter which steadily indicated the same figure, and went on: 'You see, although the process of conflict between the two opposing component parts of the Omnipresent Okidanokh still persists with the same "force of striving," and the part of the wall of this apparatus that can let the "rays" through is still open, the phenomenon that ordinary beings call "artificial light" has ceased. " 'And it has ceased because by pulling that lever just now I introduced into the process of the clash between the two opposing parts a current of the third component part of Okidanokh, whereupon this third part at once began to blend proportionately with the other two. And the result of this blending of the three component parts of the Omnipresent Okidanokh, unlike the process of the non-law-conformable clash of its two parts, cannot be perceived by beings with any of their being-functions.' "After this explanation, Gornahoor Harharkh proposed that I should venture with him inside the demonstrating part of his new invention, so that there within I might become an eyewitness of certain particular manifestations of the omnipresent and everywhere-penetrating active element. "Without thinking long about it, I decided of course to do so; and I agreed at once because I expected to receive in my being an unchangeable and imperishable 'objective essence-satisfaction.' "As soon as he had my consent, my future essence-friend gave the necessary orders to one of his assistants. "It appeared that various preparations had to be made before his proposal could be earned out. "First his assistants dressed Gornahoor Harharkh and myself in special, very heavy suits resembling what your favorites call 'diving suits' that had a large number of 'bolts.'

with small projecting heads. And when this most peculiar garb had been put on us, the assistants tightened up the 'bolts' in a certain order. "On the inner side of these diving suits, at the end of the bolts, there were, it appeared, special plates which pressed against different parts of our planetary bodies. "Later it became obvious to me that this was necessary to prevent our planetary bodies from undergoing what is called 'taranooranoora' or, in other words, from falling to pieces, as usually occurs to all intraplanetary and surplanetary formations when they happen to come into an entirely atmosphereless space. "Besides these suits, the assistants placed on our heads something like 'diving helmets,' with complicated 'connectors' projecting from them. "One of these connectors, called 'harinkhrarkh,' meaning 'sustainer of the pulsation,' was a sort of long rubber tube, one end of which was hermetically attached by means of complicated appliances to the place on the helmet corresponding to the breathing organs, while the other end, after we had entered this strange 'hrakhartzakha,' was screwed into an apparatus connected in its turn with the space whose presence corresponded with the 'second being-food.' "Between Gornahoor Harharkh and myself there was also a 'special connector,' so that once inside the 'hrakhartzakha,' when the atmosphere had been pumped out to produce an absolute vacuum, we could easily communicate with each other. "One end of this connector was fitted in a certain way, by means of appliances on the helmets, to my organs of 'hearing' and 'speech,' and the other end to those of Gornahoor Harharkh. "Thus a sort of 'telephone,' as your favorites call it, was set up between my future essence-friend and myself. "Without this appliance we could not have communicated

with each other at all, chiefly because at that time the presence of Gornahoor Harharkh was perfected only up to the state called the sacred 'Inkotsarno'; and a being with such a presence cannot manifest himself nor even exist in an ab­ solutely empty space, even if the products of all three being-foods were artificially introduced into him. "But the most curious, cunning, and subtly ingenious of all the connectors attached for various purposes to these strange diving suits and helmets was the one invented by the great scientist Gornahoor Harharkh to enable the organ of 'sight' of ordinary beings to perceive surrounding objects in 'ab­ solutely empty space.' "One end of this astonishing connector was fitted to our temples by means of appliances on the helmets, while the other end was fastened to a so-called 'ams-commutator,' in its turn connected by wires to all the objects that had to be visible during the experiment, both those inside and outside the 'hrakhartzakha.' "It is interesting to note here that at each end of this appliance—a creation almost incredible for the Reason of an ordinary three-centered being—were attached two further independent connectors, also of wire, through which special 'magnetic currents' flowed from outside. "As it was afterward explained to me in detail, these connectors had been invented by that truly great scientist, Gornahoor Harharkh, so that by virtue of a certain property of these 'magnetic currents,' also discovered by him, the presence of learned three-centered beings—even those not perfected up to the sacred 'Inkotsarno'—might be 'reflected' in their essence, and thanks to another property of these currents, the presence of the objects mentioned above might also be 'reflected.' Thus it was possible for their imperfect organs of being-sight to perceive these objects, even in a vacuum containing none of the factors, or results, of the

various cosmic concentrations which are animated by those vibrations that alone permit the functioning of any being-organ whatsoever. "Having fitted us out in this very heavy equipment, which made it possible for beings to exist in this unnatural environment, the assistants of the great alluniversal scientist Gornahoor Harharkh, again with the help of special appli­ ances, carried us into the 'hrakhartzakha' itself. Then, having screwed all the free ends of the connectors projecting from us to the corresponding apparatuses in the 'hrakhartzakha,' they went out and hermetically sealed behind them the only way by which it would have been possible to have any communication with what is called 'all that represents a world.' "When we were alone in the 'hrakhartzakha,' Gornahoor Harharkh shifted one of the 'switches' near him and said to me: " 'Now the work of the pump has begun, and soon it will have pumped out of here all the results, without exception, of those cosmic processes whose totality is the basis and significance, and process itself of the maintenance of existence of "all that represents a world." "And he added in a somewhat sarcastic tone: 'Soon we shall be absolutely isolated from everything that exists and functions in the whole Universe. Yet thanks to my new invention and to the knowledge we have already attained, we now have the possibility not only of returning to the world, to become once again particles of all that exists, but also of being worthy to be nonparticipating eyewitnesses of certain world laws, which by ordinary uninitiated three-centered beings are considered inscrutable mysteries of Nature, but which in reality are natural and simple results automatically flowing one from another.' "While he was speaking one could feel that the 'pump'—

this very important part of his new invention—was carrying out perfectly the work assigned to it by being-Reason. "To help you represent to yourself and understand better the perfection of this part of Gornahoor Harharkh's invention, I must tell you also the following: "Although for certain quite particular reasons I had had to be in atmosphereless space on several occasions and to exist there as a threebrained being, sometimes for a long time, by means of the sacred 'kreemboolatsoomara' alone; and although my presence had acquired from frequent repetition the habit of moving gradually from one sphere to another, almost without feeling any inconvenience from the change in the 'second being-food' inevitably brought about by the transformation of the substances always present around both large and small cosmic concentrations; and although the very causes of my arising and the subsequent process of my being-existence had been arranged in an entirely special way, so that gradually the various being-functions within my common presence had perforce also become quite special, nevertheless, in spite of all I have just said, the pumping out of the atmosphere then proceeded with such force, and the sensations impressed on the separate parts of my entire presence were so strong, that even today I can very clearly relive the whole course of my experience at that moment and describe it for you in detail. "This extremely strange state began in me shortly after the pump started working and Gornahoor Harharkh had spoken in that half-sarcastic tone about our imminent situation. "In my three 'being-centers,' that is, those centers localized in the presence of every three-centered being under the names of the 'thinking,' 'feeling,' and 'moving' centers, there began to be perceived in each one of them separately, in a strange and unusual way, the definite impression that each

of the separate parts of my whole planetary body was undergoing an independent process of sacred 'rascooarno,' and that the cosmic crystallizations composing the presence of each of these parts were flowing 'in vain.' "At first my 'initiative of constatation' proceeded in the usual way according to what is called the 'center of gravity of associative experiencing.' But later, when this initiative of constatation gradually and almost imperceptibly became the function of my essence alone, this essence became the unique all-embracing initiator of constatation, not only of everything taking place within me but also of everything without exception newly happening outside me. "From that moment my essence began to perceive impressions directly, and to constate that from what was taking place in my common presence the parts of my planetary body were, so to speak, being entirely destroyed, and then little by little the localizations of the second and third being-centers as well. At the same time my essence perceived that the functioning of these two centers passed gradually to my thinking center, and became proper to it, with the result that the thinking center, with this increased intensity of functioning, became the 'unique and powerful perceiver' of everything actualized outside itself as well as the autonomous initiator of constatation of everything proceeding within the whole of my presence. "While I was in the throes of this strange 'being-experiencing, ' still incomprehensible to my Reason, Gornahoor Harharkh was busy pulling some of the many levers and switches attached to the edges of the table at which we were placed. "And then something happened to Gornahoor Harharkh that suddenly changed all this strange being-experiencing of mine, and in my common presence the usual being-experiencing was resumed. This is what occurred: Gornahoor Harharkh, with all the heavy equipment he was wearing,

suddenly found himself high above his chair and began to flounder, as our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin would say, 'like a puppy fallen into a deep pond.' "As we afterward learned, my friend Gornahoor Harharkh had made a mistake while pulling the levers and switches, and had tensed certain parts of his planetary body more than was necessary, and in consequence his presence, together with everything he was wearing, had received a shock. Owing to the 'tempo' given to his presence from the taking in of the 'second being-food' and to the absence of any resistance in that absolutely empty space, he began to drift or, as I have just said, 'to flounder like a puppy in a pond.' Having said this with a smile, Beelzebub became silent; after a short pause he made a very strange gesture with his left hand, and in a tone of voice not natural to him, continued: "While I am recalling these events of a period so long ago in my existence, the wish arises to make a sincere confession to you—just to you, one of my direct heirs, who will inevitably represent the sum of all my deeds in the course of my being-existence. That is to say, I wish to confess to you in all sincerity that although my essence, with the consent of the parts of my presence subject to it alone, had decided to participate in the scientific experiment about to take place within Gornahoor Harharkh's new invention, and although I had entered its chief demonstrating part without the least compulsion from outside, yet this same essence of mine had allowed to creep into my being and to develop there, side by side with the strange sensations I have described to you, a criminally egoistic anxiety for the safety of my personal existence. "However, my boy, so that you may not be too distressed by this confession, it is not superfluous to add that this was

the first time this ever happened to me, and also the last, throughout my entire being-existence. "But perhaps it would be better for the present not to touch on questions that concern only our family. "Let us rather return to my tale about the Omnipresent Okidanokh and my essence-friend Gornahoor Harharkh who, by the way, was once recognized by ordinary three-brained beings everywhere as a 'great scientist,' but is today no longer considered 'great'; indeed, thanks to the fame of his own result, that is to say, his son, he is now a 'has-been' or, as our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin sometimes says in such cases, 'He is up to his neck in an old American galosh.' "Well then, while Gornahoor Harharkh was floundering about, he finally managed, with great difficulty and only by means of a very complicated maneuver, to get his planetary body, burdened as it was with its heavy and unusual equipment, down onto the chair again, and this time he fastened it all with screws that were on the chair for that purpose. When we were both more or less settled again and could communicate by means of the artificial connector I mentioned, he drew my attention to the three apparatuses hanging over the table which, as I told you, looked like 'momonodooars.' "On close inspection all three of these proved to be exactly alike in appearance, each being a sort of 'socket' out of which projected 'carbon poles' like those found in what your favorites call 'arc lights.' "Having drawn my attention to these three objects resembling 'momonodooars,' he said: 'Each of these outwardly similar apparatuses has a direct connection with the secondary containers I showed you while we were still outside the "hrakhartzakha," and in

which all three active parts of Okidanokh, after the occurrence of the artificial "djartklom," reblend into a single mass. " 'I have constructed these three independent apparatuses in such a way that in this absolutely empty space we can obtain from those secondary containers as much of each of the active parts of Okidanokh, in a pure state, as we need for our experiment; and we can also change at will the force of the "striving to reblend into a whole" that is acquired by them and becomes proper to them, according to the density of concentration of their mass. " 'And now, within this absolutely empty space, I shall show you first of all the same nonlawful phenomenon we observed a little while ago from outside. In other words, I shall again demonstrate to you the cosmic phenomenon that occurs when, after a lawful "djartklom," the separate parts of Okidanokh meet in a space devoid of any cosmic concentration and, without the participation of one of the parts, strive to reblend into a whole.' "Having said this, he closed the section of the wall of the 'hrakhartzakha' that

had the property of allowing 'rays' to pass through, and then pulled two

switches and pressed a certain button, with the result that a small plate of

special mastic lying on the table automatically moved toward the 'carbon

poles.' Then, having again drawn my attention to the ammeter and the

voltmeter, he added:

'I have just now admitted the current of the two parts of Okidanokh called

"anodnatius" and "cathodnatius," giving them the same force of striving to

reblend.'

"When I looked at the ammeter and the voltmeter, and saw that their needles had indeed moved and then stopped on the same figures I had noted the first time while we were outside the 'hrakhartzakha,' I was greatly surprised, for in spite of the indications of the needles and Gornahoor Har-

harkh's warning, I had neither noticed nor sensed any change in the degree of visibility of the objects around us. "So

without

waiting

for

any

further

explanation,

I

asked: " 'But why then is there no result from this nonlawful "striving to reblend into a whole" of the parts of Okidanokh?' "Before answering my question, he turned off the only lamp, which drew its power from a special magnetic current. My astonishment increased even more, for in spite of the sudden darkness I could clearly see through the walls of the 'hrak-hartzakha' that the needles of the ammeter and voltmeter had stayed in the same positions. "Only after I had somehow or other adapted myself to this surprising observation did Gornahoor Harharkh say: " 'I have already told you that the material used for the walls of the construction we are in right now has the property of not allowing any vibrations from any source whatsoever to pass through it, with the exception of certain vibrations arising from nearby concentrations; and these vibrations can be perceived by the organs of sight of three-brained beings—provided, of course, that these beings are normal. 'Furthermore, according to the law called "Heterato-getar," the "salnichissinooarnian momentum-vibrations," or "rays," acquire the property of acting on the organs of perception of beings only after having passed the limit defined by science in the following terms: "the result of the manifestation is in exact proportion to the force of striving received from the shock." 'And so, since the process of the conflict of these two parts of Okidanokh has a force of great intensity, the result is manifested at some distance from the place of its origin. 'Now look!'

"He pressed another button, and suddenly the whole interior of the 'hrakhartzakha' was filled with the same blinding light that I had experienced before, when I was standing outside this apparatus. "This flood of light had apparently been released when Gornahoor Harharkh, by pressing the button, had again opened the section of the wall of the 'hrakhartzakha' that permitted 'rays' to pass through. "He explained further that the light was a consequence of the 'striving to reblend into a whole' of the parts of Okidanokh, which was proceeding in the absolutely empty space inside the 'hrakhartzakha'; and it was manifested there owing to what is called 'reflection from outside,' that is to say, to the return of the rays to the place of their origin. "He then continued: 'I am now going to demonstrate how and by what combinations of the processes of "djartklom" and the "striving to reblend into a whole" of the active parts of Okidanokh there arise in planets from the "minerals" composing their interior presence certain definite formations of varying densities, such as "mineraloids," "gases," "metalloids," "metals," and so on. And I will show you how these latter, owing to the same factors, are afterward progressively transformed one into another; and how the vibrations flowing from these transformations constitute the "totality of vibrations" that makes possible the "stability' of planets in the process called the "commonsystem harmonious movement." " 'For my proposed demonstration, I must as always obtain the necessary materials from outside, and my pupils will provide them by means of appliances I have prepared in advance.' "It is interesting to remark that while Gornahoor Harharkh was speaking, he was tapping with his left foot on 'some-

thing' very much like the transmission apparatus of the celebrated Morse— celebrated, be it said, only on the planet Earth. "A few moments later, from the lower part of the 'hrakhartzakha' there slowly rose a small object something like a box with transparent walls, containing, as it afterward proved, certain 'minerals,' 'metalloids,' 'metals,' and various 'gases' in liquid and solid states. "Then with the help of various appliances arranged at one side of the table and by means of complicated manipulations, he took out of the box a piece of what is called 'red copper,' put it on the mastic plate before him, and said: " 'This metal is a definite planetary crystallization, representing one of the densities required for the said "stability" in the process of the "common harmonious movement of all systems." It is a formation resulting from previous processes of the reciprocal action of the parts of the Omnipresent Okidanokh. Now I will allow the transformation of this metal to proceed artificially at an accelerated pace, by means of the particularities of the same factors. " 'I intend to aid artificially the evolution and involution of its elements, either toward a greater density or, on the contrary, back toward their primal state. " 'So that you may have a clearer picture of the whole experiment you are about to witness, I shall have to give you at least a brief account of my own first scientific deductions as to the causes and conditions that bring about the crystallization, within planets, of the three separate parts of Okidanokh in one or another of the definite formations I referred to. " 'To begin with, from every non-law-conformable "djartklom" the separate parts of the Omnipresent Okidanokh become localized in the medium of that part of the presence of the planet where the "djartklom" has taken place,

that is to say, in whatever corresponding mineral is there at that moment. 'Now if the density of the elements of that medium has an "affinity of vibrations" with one of the active parts of the Omnipresent Okidanokh, then, according to the world law called "symmetrical interpenetration," this active part blends with the presence of the medium, to become an inseparable part of it. And from that moment, the separate parts of Okidanokh, combined with the elements of the given medium, begin to represent the corresponding densities required in planets, that is to say, various kinds of "metalloids" or even "metals," as for instance the metal existing under the name of "red copper," which I have just placed in this medium and where, at my wish, the "striving to reblend into a whole" of the parts of Okidanokh will now proceed artificially. 'Further, having thus arisen within the planets, these various "metalloids" and "metals" begin—as is proper to all arisings in which Okidanokh or any one of its active parts participate—to radiate from their presence the results of their "inner interchange of substances" according to the universal law called the "reciprocal feeding of everything existing." And, as is proper to all radiations issuing from surplanetary and intraplanetary formations, the radiations of these "metalloids" and "metals" acquire a property almost like that of Okidanokh or of any one of its active parts, present in what is called the "center of gravity" of all such formations. 'When these masses of different densities, which have thus arisen in planets under normal surrounding conditions, radiate the vibrations required for this universal law of the "reciprocal feeding of everything existing," then, among these vibrations having various properties, there is established, according to the fundamental world law of "Troemedekhfe," a reciprocally acting contact.

" 'And it is the result of this contact which is the chief factor in the gradual change of the various densities in planets. " 'My observations over many years have almost fully convinced me that it is only this contact and its results that assure the "stability of the harmonious equilibrium" of planets. " 'The metal, red copper, which I have just placed in this sphere where I propose to set in motion in an artificial way the active parts of Okidanokh, has at this moment a specific density of 444, reckoning from the unit of density of the sacred element Theomertmalogos; that is to say, an atom of this metal is 444 times denser and as many times less vivifying than an atom of the sacred Theomertmalogos. " 'Now watch and see in what order the artificially accelerated transformations will take place.' "Having said this, he put in front of my organ of sight an automatically controlled teskooano, then began to turn several switches on and off in a certain sequence; and as I looked through the teskooano, he gave me the following explanation: " 'I am now allowing all three parts of Okidanokh to flow into the sphere of presence containing this metal; and since all three parts have the same "density," and hence the same "force of striving," they reblend into a whole without changing anything in the presence of the metal. And the Omnipresent Okidanokh thus obtained flows in its usual state through a special conduit out of the "hrakhartzakha," and is reconcentrated in the first container, which you have already seen. " 'Now look! 'I am deliberately increasing the "force of striving" of just one of the active parts of Okidanokh. In this case I am

increasing the force called "cathodnatius," and you will see that the elements composing the presence of the "red copper" begin to involve toward the quality of the substances that compose the ordinary presence of planets.' "While explaining this he was turning various switches on and off in a certain sequence. "Well, my boy, although I watched everything that went on very attentively and everything I saw was impressed in my essence 'pestolnootiarly,' that is, forever, I could not now, however much I might wish to do so, put into words a hundredth part of what then took place in that small fragment of an intraplanetary formation. Nor shall I even try to do so, for I have just thought of a way of actually showing it all to you so that you too can soon be an eyewitness of that astonishing cosmic process. "Meanwhile, I will only tell you that there proceeded in that fragment of 'red copper' something rather like those frightful scenes among your favorites on the Earth that I occasionally observed through my teskooano from the planet Mars. "I say 'rather like' because what I sometimes observed among your favorites was only at its beginning, whereas in that fragment of 'red copper' I was able to observe the whole process right up to its final transformation. "A rough parallel can be drawn between what occasionally happens on your planet and what took place then in the small fragment of copper, if you imagine yourself high up, looking down upon a large public square where thousands of your favorites, seized with the most acute form of their chief psychosis, are destroying one another's existence by every means they have invented, and then suddenly in their place you see their 'corpses,' as they call them, which change color perceptibly owing to the outrages done them by the beings not yet destroyed, and this gradually alters the general appearance of the surface of that large square.

"Now, my boy, by switching on and off the flow of the three active parts of Okidanokh, thus changing their 'force of striving,' this future essence-friend of mine, Gornahoor Harharkh, also changed the density of the elements of the 'red copper,' and thereby transformed this metal into all kinds of other intraplanetary metals of lower or higher degree of vivifyingness. "And here, to throw more light upon the strangeness of the psyche of the three-brained beings who have taken your fancy, it is interesting and important to note that while Gornahoor Harharkh, by means of his new invention, was artificially producing the evolution and involution in density and vivifyingness of the elements of 'red copper,' I noticed distinctly that this metal was transformed at one point into that very metal about which many sorry scientists of your planet have been wiseacring for nearly the whole of their existence, in the hope of transforming other metals into it —thus leading astray their already sufficiently erring brethren. On Earth this metal is called 'gold.' " 'Gold' is no other than the metal we call 'prtzathalavr,' whose specific gravity, reckoning as always from the sacred Theomertmalogos, is 1, 439; that is to say, an atom of 'gold' is three and a fraction times less vivifying than an atom of 'red copper.' "The reason I decided not to try to explain in words everything that took place in that fragment of 'red copper' was because I suddenly remembered the allgracious promise given me by our All-Quarters Maintainer, the Most Great Arch-Cherub Peshtvogner, which will make it possible for you to see with your own eyes, in definite intraplanetary formations, the processes of the manifestations of the active parts of Okidanokh. "And

this

all-gracious

promise

was

given

me

just

after

my return from exile, when my first duty was to present myself to our AllQuarters Maintainer, the Arch-Cherub Peshtvogner and, prostrating myself at his feet, to perform before him what is called the 'essence-sacred aliamizoornakalu.' "I was obliged to do this on account of the sins of my youth. For when I was pardoned by His Uni-Being Endlessness and allowed to return to my native land, certain Sacred Individuals decided to demand of me that this sacred process be performed over my essence, both as a precaution against my ever again manifesting myself as in the days of my youth, and so that nothing similar would recur in the Reason of most of the Individuals dwelling at the Center of the Great Universe. "You probably do not yet know what the sacred 'aliamizoornakalu' over an essence means. Later I will explain that to you in detail, but meanwhile, I shall simply turn once more to our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin, who describes this process as 'giving one's word of honor not to poke one's nose into the affairs of the authorities.' "In short, when I presented myself to our All-Quarters Maintainer he deigned to ask me, among other things, whether I had brought back with me all the being-inventions that had interested me and that I had collected from various planets of that solar system where I had existed during my exile. I replied that I had brought back almost everything except those cumbersome apparatuses that my friend Gornahoor Harharkh had constructed for me on the planet Mars. "He at once promised to give orders that everything I indicated should be put on board the space ship Omnipresent on its next trip. "So I hope, my boy, that everything necessary will have been brought to our planet Karatas and that when we return there, you will be able to see the experiments with your

own eyes and I shall be able to explain everything in detail. "In the meantime, during this journey of ours on the ship Karnak, I will tell you, in their order, as I have already promised, about my descents to your planet and the reasons for my appearances there in person."

CHAPTER

19

Beelzebub's tale about his second descent to the planet Earth

BEELZEBUB began

thus: "I descended to your planet Earth for the second time only eleven of their centuries after my first descent. "Shortly after my first descent a second catastrophe had occurred to that planet, but this one was local in character and did not threaten disaster on a great cosmic scale. "During this second catastrophe, the continent of Atlantis, which at the time of my first descent had been the largest continent and the chief place of existence of the terrestrial three-brained beings, was engulfed within the planet along with other large and small land masses, as were most of the three-brained beings existing upon them, together with almost everything they had achieved and acquired in the course of centuries. "In their place there emerged from within the planet other land masses forming new continents and islands, most of which still exist. "It was on this very continent of Atlantis that the city of Samlios was situated where, do you remember, that young countryman of ours had existed who was the cause of my first descent in person. "During this second great disaster to that planet, thanks to diverse circumstances, many of the three-brained beings who have taken your fancy nevertheless survived, and by the time of my second descent in person their posterity had already multiplied so much that they were now breeding on almost all the newly formed land masses. "And in regard to the causes, conforming to law, which

brought about their excessive multiplication, this also you will understand in the course of my further tales. "Here, my boy, it will do no harm for you to take note that the beings of our tribe existing on that planet at the time of this catastrophe all escaped that 'apocalyptic end.' "They escaped it for the following reasons:

"As I have already told you in one of our previous talks, at the time of my

first descent most of the beings of our tribe who had chosen this planet of

yours as their dwelling place existed on the continent of Atlantis.

"It appears that a year before this catastrophe our 'tribal pythoness' made a prophecy in which she called upon all our tribe to leave the continent of Atlantis and migrate to a smaller continent not far away, where they were to exist on a definite part of its surface that she indicated. "This smaller continent was then called 'Grabontzi' and the part the 'pythoness' indicated did indeed escape the terrifying perturbation that occurred to all the other parts of the common presence of that ill-fated planet. "As a consequence of this perturbation the continent of Grabontzi, existing today under the name of 'Africa,' became much larger, as other land masses emerged from the water spaces of the planet and were added to it. "So, my boy, our 'pythoness' was able to warn those members of our tribe who had been obliged to exist on your planet and thereby save them from an otherwise inevitable 'apocalyptic end'; and she was able to do this thanks to a special being-property which, by the way, can be acquired by beings only intentionally by means of what is called 'being-partkdolgduty,' about which I will tell you later. "This time the reasons for my descent to the surface of that I planet were related to the following events: "One day, on the planet Mars, we received an etherogram from the Center announcing the imminent appearance of

certain Most High Sacred Individuals. And in fact, within half a Martian year, a number of archangels, angels, cherubim, and seraphim did appear there, the majority of whom had been members of the Most High Commission that had come to Mars at the time of the first great catastrophe to the planet Earth. "Among these Most High Sacred Individuals was again His Conformity, the Angel—now already Archangel— Looisos who, during the first great catastrophe to the planet Earth, as you remember I recently told you, had been one of the chief administrators in charge of averting the possible consequences of that general cosmic misfortune. "So, my boy, the day after the second appearance of those Sacred Individuals, His Conformity, accompanied by one of the seraphim, his second assistant, did me the honor to come to my house. "After giving me his blessing, His Conformity condescended to reply to certain inquiries of mine about the Great Center, and then told me that after the collision of the comet Kondoor with the planet Earth, he and other responsible cosmic Individuals administering the affairs of 'harmonious world-existence' had frequently descended to this solar system to observe the effect of the measures they had taken to ward off the consequences of that cosmic miscalculation. 'And we descended,' His Conformity continued, 'because, although we had taken every possible precaution and had assured everyone that everything would be quite all right, we ourselves were not totally convinced that some unforeseen unpleasantness might not await us in the future. " 'Moreover it turned out that our apprehensions were partly justified though, thanks to chance, not in a serious form, that is to say, not on a general cosmic scale, since this new catastrophe affected only the planet Earth. " 'The second catastrophe to the planet Earth,' continued His Conformity, 'was due to the following circumstances:

" 'When, during the first disaster, two large fragments were detached from this planet, the "center of gravity" of its entire presence had no time to shift to a corresponding new position. As a result, right up to the time of the second catastrophe, this planet existed with its "center of gravity" out of place, thanks to which ifs movement during that whole period was not uniformly harmonious and there often occurred, both within and upon it, various upheavals and displacements And it was just when the "center of gravity" finally shifted to the true center of the planet that the second catastrophe occurred. " 'But from now on,' added His Conformity with a shade of selfsatisfaction, 'the existence of this planet will be quite normal from the point of view of common-cosmic harmony. This second cataclysm has finally put our minds completely at rest, and has convinced us that a catastrophe on a cosmic scale can never again occur on account of the planet Earth. 'Not only has this planet once more acquired a normal movement in the general cosmic equilibrium, but its two detached fragments, now called "Moon" and "Anulios," have also acquired a normal movement and have become independent, though small, "kofenshars," that is, additional planets, of the solar system Ors. Having thought a moment, His Conformity went on to say: 'I have appeared to you, Your Reverence, just in order to talk over with you the future welfare of the large fragment of that planet existing today under the name of "Moon." " 'Not only,' His Conformity continued, 'has this fragment become an independent planet, but there is already proceeding on it the formation of an atmosphere, as is necessary for every planet serving the actualization of the Most Great Common-Cosmic Trogoautoegocrat. But now, Your

Reverence, on that small, unexpectedly arisen planet, this regular process of the formation of an atmosphere is being hindered by an undesirable circumstance due to the three-brained beings existing on the planet Earth. " 'And this is why I decided to appeal to you, Your Reverence, to consent to undertake, in the name of our Uni-Being Creator, a task that would spare us the necessity of resorting to some extreme sacred process, unbecoming for any three-centered beings, and would, in some simpler way, remove this undesirable phenomenon by making use of the being-Reason they have in their presence.' "His Conformity then explained to me in detail that after the second catastrophe to the Earth, the biped three-brained beings who had accidentally survived had again multiplied, and that the whole process of their existence was now concentrated on a large, newly formed continent called 'Ashhark,' where three large independent groups had been established, the first in a region then called 'Tikliamish,' the second in a region known as 'Maralpleicie,' and the third in a country which still exists and was then called 'Pearl-land.' 'In the psyche of the beings belonging to all three of these independent groups,' His Conformity went on to say, 'various peculiar "havatviernonis" have been formed, that is, certain psychic strivings, the total process of which they themselves call "religion." " 'Although these havatviernonis, or religions, have nothing in common, there is widely spread among all three groups a religious custom called "sacrificial offerings." This custom of theirs is based on the notion, which only their strange Reason could conceive of, that if they destroyed the existence of beings of other forms in honor of their "gods' and "idols," these imaginary gods and idols would find it very, very agreeable, and would help them without fail, always and in everything, to carry out their wild and fantastic enterprises.

" 'This custom is now so widespread there and the destruction of the

existence of beings of various forms has reached such proportions, that there

is already a surplus of the sacred "askokin" required from the planet Earth for

the maintenance of its former parts, a surplus, that is, of those vibrations that

arise during the process of "rascooarno" of beings of every exterior form on

that planet from which this sacred cosmic substance is required.

" 'This surplus of the sacred "askokin" is already seriously hindering the

correct exchange of substances between the Moon and its atmosphere, with

the danger that the atmosphere may in consequence be formed abnormally,

and later become an obstacle to the harmonious movement of the whole

system Ors, and perhaps again give rise to yet another catastrophe on a great

cosmic scale.

" 'So, Your Reverence, my request consists in this, that since you are in the

habit of often visiting various planets of this solar system, you should

undertake the task of descending specially to the planet Earth and of trying to

instill into the consciousness of these strange three-brained beings some idea

of the senselessness of this notion of theirs.'

"After a few more words, His Conformity began to ascend, and when he

was fairly high up, he added in a loud voice: 'Thereby, Your Reverence, you

will be rendering a great service to our Uni-Being All-Embracing

Endlessness.'

"When these Sacred Individuals had left the planet Mars, I resolved to carry

out this task at all costs and to be worthy, If only by this specific aid to our

Unique Burden-Bearing Endlessness, of becoming a particle, though an

independent one, of everything existing in the Great Universe. So, my boy,

imbued with this resolve, the next day I flew on the same ship Occasion to

your planet Earth.

"This time our ship alighted on a sea then called the 'Colhidius,' recently

formed by perturbations during the second

great disaster to your planet. This sea was situated in the northwestern part of the great, newly arisen continent of Ashhark, which at that period was the chief center of existence of the three-brained beings there. "The other shores of this sea belonged to those newly emerged land masses that had become joined to the continent of Ashhark, and taken together were at first known as 'Frianktzanaralis' and a little later as 'Colhidchissi.' It must be remarked that both this sea and the lands just mentioned still exist, but of course they now have other names. For example, the continent of Ashhark is now called 'Asia'; the Colhidius Sea, the 'Caspian'; and all the Frianktzanaralis together are now known as the 'Caucasus.' "The Occasion alighted on the Colhidius, or Caspian, Sea because it was the most convenient place for mooring our ship; moreover, it offered great advantages for my further travels, since a large river, which watered almost the entire country of Tikliamish, flowed into it from the east. On the banks of this river stood the capital, the city of 'Koorkalai.' "As the greatest center of existence of these favorites of yours was then the country of 'Tikliamish,' I decided to go there first. "Here it might as well be added that although this large river, then called the 'Oxoseria,' still exists today, it no longer flows into the Caspian Sea because, as a result of a minor planetary tremor, it was diverted to the north about halfway down its course and flowed into one of the hollows on the surface of the continent of Ashhark, where it gradually formed a small sea still known as the 'Aral Sea.' By close observation the old bed of that great river now called the " 'Amu Darya' can be seen even at the present day. "At the time of this second descent of mine in person, the country of Tikliamish had come to be considered, as indeed

it was, the richest and most fertile of all the lands suitable for ordinary beingexistence on that planet. "But when a third great catastrophe occurred to that ill-fated planet, this flourishing country, along with other more or less fertile regions, was covered by 'kashmanoonoms,' or as they say, by 'sands.' After this third catastrophe the country of Tikliamish was long known as the 'Hungry Desert'; but nowadays the different parts have different names, and what was once its principal part is called 'Karakum,' which means 'black sands.' "During that period the second quite independent group of three-brained beings on the continent of Ashhark dwelt in the country then called 'Maralpleicie.' Later, when this second group established a central place of existence, they called it the city of 'Gob,' and for a long time the whole country was called 'Goblandia.' "This region in its turn was covered by 'kashmanoonoms,' and today the chief part of this once flourishing country is known simply as the 'Gobi Desert.' "As for the third entirely independent group, the place of its existence was in the southeastern part of the continent of Ashhark, opposite Tikliamish, and on the other side of those abnormal projections of the continent that had been formed during the second catastrophe to this ill-fated planet. "As I have already told you, the place of existence of this third group was then called Pearl-land. "The name of this region also was changed many times, and at present the whole of that part of the land surface of your planet is known as 'Hindustan' or 'India.' "It must be noted here without fail that at the time of my second descent in person to the surface of your planet, there Was present in all the three-brained beings of these three independent groups, instead of the impulse called 'needful.'

striving for self-perfection,' which should be in every three-brained being, an also needful but very strange striving already thoroughly crystallized, to have all the other beings of their planet consider their country the 'center of culture' of the whole Earth. "This very strange needful striving had become for each of the threecentered beings of your planet the principal meaning and aim of existence and, in consequence, bitter struggles, both material and psychic, were constantly proceeding among the beings of the three independent groups for the attainment of this aim. "So, my boy . . . "From the Colhidius Sea, now the Caspian, we then set off on 'selchanakhs,' that is, on rafts of a special kind, up the river Oxoseria or, as it is now called, the 'Amu Darya.' We sailed for fifteen terrestrial days and finally arrived at the capital of the beings of the first Asiatic group. "As soon as we were settled in the city of Koorkalai I began visiting the 'kaltaani' there, that is, those establishments which were later called on the continent of Ashhark 'chaikhanas,' 'ashkhanas,' 'caravanserais,' and so on, and which contemporary beings on that planet, especially those breeding on the continent of 'Europe,' call 'cafés,' 'restaurants,' 'clubs,' 'dance halls,' 'meeting places,' and so on. "I began with these establishments because on the planet Earth, in those days just as now, there was no place where one could observe and study so well the specific peculiarities of the psyche of the beings of a country. And this was exactly what I needed in order to make clear to myself their real, inner essence-attitude toward the custom of sacrificial offerings, and to enable me more readily to draw up a plan of action to achieve the aim for which I had made this second descent to your planet. "During my visits to those kaltaani I met a number of

beings, among whom was one I happened to see rather often. This threebrained being whom I frequently met was by profession a 'priest'; his name was Abdil. "Since most of my personal activities during this second descent were concerned with the external circumstances in which this priest Abdil had become involved, and since I had to go to a great deal of trouble on his account, I shall tell you about him more or less in detail. Moreover, from these tales you will be able to understand the results I obtained in pursuit of my aim of uprooting from the strange psyche of your favorites their need to destroy the existence of beings of other forms in order to 'please and appease' their gods and revered idols. "Although this terrestrial being, who afterward became as dear to me as one of my own kin, was not a priest of the highest rank, he was well versed in the teaching of the religion then dominant in Tikliamish, and also knew well the psyche of the followers of that religion, particularly of course of the members of what is called his 'flock.' "As soon as we were on friendly terms, I discovered that in the being of the priest Abdil, owing to many external circumstances, among others his heredity and the conditions in which he had been prepared to become a responsible being, the function called 'conscience,' which should be present in every three-centered being, was not yet altogether atrophied. So, when he recognized with his Reason certain cosmic truths I explained to him, he at once acquired in his presence almost that attitude toward other beings that is proper to all normal three-brained beings of the whole universe; in other words he became 'compassionate' and 'sensitive' to the beings around him. "Before I tell you more about this priest Abdil, you must know that on the continent of Ashhark the terrible custom of sacrificial offerings was then at its height, and that the

destruction of various weak 'one-brained' and 'two-brained' beings was proceeding everywhere in incalculable numbers. "At that period, whenever the members of a household appealed to some imaginary 'god' or make-believe 'saint,' they invariably vowed that in return for good fortune they would destroy, in honor of that god or saint, the existence of some being, or even of several at once. And if by chance good fortune befell them, they would fulfill their vow with the utmost piety; while if it turned out otherwise, they would increase the slaughter, in the hope of eventually winning the favor of their imaginary patron. "For this purpose these favorites of yours went so far as to divide the beings of all other forms into 'clean' and 'unclean.' They called 'unclean' those beings the destruction of whose existence was supposedly displeasing to their gods, and 'clean' those beings whose destruction was supposedly most agreeable to the various fantastic idols they revered. "These sacrifices were offered not only privately by individual beings in their own houses, but also by large groups and sometimes by the whole populace. They even had special places for slaughterings of this kind, preferably near buildings erected in memory of something or somebody, usually of some 'saint'—a 'saint,' of course, whom they themselves had elevated to sainthood. "There were several of these public places at that time in the country of Tikliamish, where the mass destruction of beings of different exterior forms was carried out, and the most celebrated of these was on top of a small mountain, where once upon a time a certain wonder-worker, Aliman, was supposed to have been 'taken up alive' to some heaven or other. "In this place, as in others like it, especially at set times of the year, they destroyed vast numbers of beings called 'oxen,' 'sheep,' 'doves,' and so on— and sometimes even

beings like themselves. In the last case, the strong usually brought the less strong to be sacrificed: a father, for instance, brought his son; a husband his wife; an elder brother his younger brother, and so on. But for the most part the victims were 'slaves,' who were usually what are called 'captives,' in other words, beings of a conquered community which had lost its importance through the action of the law of 'Solioonensius'; that is, in a period when the tendency to reciprocal destruction was intensified in the presence of your favorites. "This custom of 'pleasing their gods' by destroying the existence of other beings is still followed on your planet, though not on the same scale as when these abominations were perpetrated on the continent of Ashhark. "Well, my boy, during the early days of my stay in the town of Koorkalai I often talked with my friend the priest Abdil on various subjects, taking care of course to avoid questions that might have betrayed my real nature. "Like almost all the three-brained beings I met on each of my descents, he took me for a being of his own planet, but considered me very learned and an authority on the psyche of his fellow beings. "From our earliest meetings, the sensitivity and concern with which he spoke about beings like himself always touched me deeply. And when my Reason had clearly recognized that the function of 'conscience,' transmitted to him by heredity and fundamental for all three-centered beings, had not yet quite atrophied in him, there arose, and eventually became crystallized in my presence, a 'really func­ tioning needful striving' toward him, as though he were a kinsman of my own nature. From that moment, according to the cosmic law that 'every cause gives birth to a corresponding result,' the priest

Abdil began to experience 'silnegordpana' toward me, or as your favorites would say, a feeling of 'trusting another as oneself.' "So, my boy, no sooner was all this clearly evident to my Reason than the idea occurred to me to avail myself of this first terrestrial friend of mine to accomplish the task for the sake of which my second descent had been made. And I then began intentionally leading all our conversations toward the question of sacrificial offerings. "Although many years have passed since I talked with that terrestrial friend of mine, I can still remember one of our conversations and repeat it to you word for word. I wish to repeat that particular talk, which was the last I had with him, because it served as the starting point of all the events which, though they brought the planetary existence of my terrestrial friend to a painful end, nevertheless opened to him the possibility of continuing the task of self-perfecting. "This last talk took place in his house. "I explained to him frankly the utter stupidity and absurdity of the custom of sacrificial offerings. "What I said was this: 'Good. You have a religion, a faith in something. It is very good to have faith in something, whatever it may be, even if you don't know exactly in whom or in what—even if you have not the least idea of the significance and the possibilities of what you have faith in. To have faith, whether consciously or even quite unconsciously, is very necessary and desirable for every being. 'And it is desirable because it is by faith, and by faith alone, that there can appear the intensity of being-self-consciousness necessary for everyone, as well as the valuation of one's own personal being as a particle of everything existing in the Universe. " 'But what has the destruction of the existence of another being to do with this faith—above all when you destroy it in the name of its Creator? Does not that "life," which

He created as He created yours, have the same value as your own? " 'Making use of your psychic strength and cunning, that is, those data with which our Common Creator has endowed you for the perfecting of your Reason, you take advantage of the psychic weakness of other beings and destroy their existence. " 'Do you understand, you wretched creature, what an evil deed, in the objective sense, you commit by this? " 'First of all, by destroying the existence of other beings you reduce for yourself the number of factors, the sum of whose results can alone provide the conditions required for the self-perfecting of beings like yourself; and in the second place, you diminish or entirely destroy the hopes of our Common Father Creator in those possibilities put into you as a three-brained being upon whom He counts as a help for the future. " 'The absurdity of this terrible being-action is already obvious in your imagining that by destroying the existence of another being you are doing something pleasing to the very One who intentionally created that being. Can it be that the thought has never even entered your head that if our Common Father Creator also created this "life," He probably did so for some definite purpose?' " Think,' I said further, 'think a little, not like a "Khorassanian donkey," as you have been used to thinking during your whole existence, but think a little honestly and sincerely, as is proper for a being to think who is, as you say yourself, made "in the image of God." Could it be that, when creating you and the beings you destroy, our Creator would have written on the foreheads of certain of His own Creatures that they were to be destroyed in His honor and glory? Anyone who thinks seriously and sincerely about it, even an idiot from "Albion's Isles," will be able to understand that this could never be.

'This is only an invention of men—men who say they are "in the image and likeness of God"; it does not come from Him who created men and these other beings of different forms which they destroy, as they fancy, for His pleasure and satisfaction. For Him there is no difference between the life of men and the life of beings of any other | form. Men are "life" and the beings of other exterior forms I are "life." 'In His wisdom He has foreseen that Nature should adapt different exterior forms of beings to the conditions and circumstances in which the process of their existence is destined to flow. 'Take yourself, for example: with your internal and external organs, could you go jump into the water and live there like a fish? 'Of course not, because you have neither the "gills," "fins," nor "tail" of a fish: you are not a "life" destined to exist in a medium such as water. " 'If it occurred to you to go live in the water, you would soon choke, and sink to the bottom, where you would become hors d'oeuvre for those same fish who, in their own medium, would naturally be incomparably stronger than you. 'It is the same for the fish. Could one of them come and sit at this table with us and sip the "green tea" we are now enjoying? Certainly not! It has not the corresponding organs for manifestations of this kind. 'It was created for the water, and its internal and external organs are adapted to that clement, which is the only one where it can manifest itself effectively, and fulfill the purpose of its existence preordained by the Creator. 'Again in your case, your external and internal organs were created by our Common Creator in a corresponding manner. You are given feet so that you can walk, and hands to prepare and take the necessary food. Your nose and the

organs connected with it are so adapted that you may take in and transform in yourself those cosmic substances that serve, in three-brained beings like yourself, to coat the two higher being-bodies—on one of which rests the hope of our Common All-Embracing Creator, for help in His need to actualize what He has foreseen for the good of everything existing. " 'In short, our Common Creator has given Nature the corresponding principle that enables her to coat and adapt all your internal and external organs in accordance with that sphere in which the process of existence of beings with such a brain-system as yours is destined to flow. " 'To illustrate this, take your own "donkey," now tied up in its stall. Even in regard to your own donkey, you abuse the possibilities given you by our Common Creator, for if this donkey is compelled to stand unwillingly in your stable, it does so only because it was created two-brained; and it was created two-brained because that organization of its common presence is necessary for cosmic existence on the planet. And therefore it is according to law that the possibility of "logical mentation" is lacking in your donkey's presence and, in consequence, it is according to law that it should be what you call "dullwitted" or "stupid." " 'As for yourself, although you were created for this same purpose of cosmic existence on planets, you were created also as a "field of hope" for our Common All-Gracious Creator, in other words, with the possibility of coating in your presence that Higher Sacred for whose arising the whole of our now existing world was created. Yet in spite of the possibilities given you, that is, in spite of your having been created three-brained and thus capable of logical mentation, you do not use this sacred property for its preordained purpose, but manifest it as "cunning" toward His other creatures such as, for example, your own donkey.

'Apart from the possibilities given you of consciously coating this Higher Sacred in your presence, your donkey has the same value for the common-cosmic process, and consequently for our Common Creator, as yourself, since each of you is predestined for some definite purpose, and all these different purposes, taken together, constitute the meaning of everything existing. " 'The only difference between you and your donkey lies in the form and quality of functioning of the internal and external organization of your common presence. For instance, you have only two legs, whereas your donkey has four, any one of which is immeasurably stronger than yours. Can you on those two weak legs of yours carry as much as that donkey can? Certainly not, because your legs were given you only for carrying yourself and the little that is necessary for the normal existence of a three-brained being as foreseen by Nature. " 'This unequal distribution of power and strength, which at first sight may appear unjust on the part of our Most Just Creator, was made by Great Nature solely because the surplus of cosmic substances granted you by the foresight of the Creator and by Nature for the purpose of personal self-perfecting is not given to your donkey, but instead of this Great Nature herself transforms this surplus of cosmic substance in the donkey's presence—without, of course, the donkey being aware of it—into the power and strength of certain of its organs for its present existence alone, thus enabling it to manifest that power incomparably better than you. 'And these manifestations of the different powers of beings of diverse forms constitute in their totality the exterior conditions that alone make it possible for three-brained beings like yourself consciously to perfect the "germ of Reason" placed in their presence to the required gradation of pure Objective Reason.

" 'I repeat: all beings, large and small, of all brain systems without exception, existing on the Earth, within the Earth, in the air, or beneath the waters—all are equally necessary to our Common Creator for the common harmony of universal existence. " 'And since all these forms of beings, taken as a whole, constitute the form of the process of universal existence required by our Creator, the essence of each being is equally dear and equally valuable to Him. For our Common Creator all beings are only particles of the existence of one whole Essence spiritualized by Himself. " 'But what do we see around us here now? One of the forms of beings created by Him, the very form in whose presence He has placed all His hopes for the future welfare of everything existing, taking advantage of its superiority to lord it over other forms, destroying their existence right and left and, what is more, allegedly "in His Name." " 'These monstrous and sacrilegious acts are committed in every house and on every square, yet it never enters the head of any of these unfortunates that those beings whose existence you and I are destroying are just as dear to Him who created them as we ourselves, and that if He created those other forms of beings it must also have been for some purpose.' "Having said all this to my friend, the priest Abdil, I went on: 'And the most deplorable thing is that every man who destroys the existence of other beings in honor of his revered idols does so with all his heart, convinced beyond any doubt that he is doing a "good deed." 'If any one of them should become aware that in destroying the existence of another being he is not only committing an evil deed against the true God and every real saint, but is even causing them, in their essence, sorrow and grief that there should exist in the Great Universe such mon-

sters made "in the image of God," who can manifest themselves so ruthlessly and without conscience toward other creatures of our Common Father—I repeat, if any one of them should become aware of this, he would certainly agree with all his heart never again to destroy the existence of beings of other forms for sacrificial offerings. 'Then perhaps on the Earth also there would be observed the eighteenth commandment of our Common Creator " ' "Love everything that breathes. " 'Destroying the existence of His other creatures as an offering to God is just like some vandal breaking into your house and wantonly destroying all the "goods" there that have taken you years to collect and cost you so much labor and suffering. 'Think—but I say again, think seriously Picture to yourself what I have just said and then tell me would you like it? Would you thank the shameless vandal who broke into your house? No! A million times no! On the contrary, your whole being would be outraged, you would want to punish the scoundrel, and with every fiber of your psyche you would try to find a means of revenge. " 'You would no doubt reply that all this is true enough and so on and so forth, "but after all I am only a man " Yes, indeed, you are only a man It is fortunate that God is God, and not vindictive and evil like man Certainly He will not punish you or take revenge upon you, as you would have done to the vandal who destroyed the goods it had taken you years to collect. 'It goes without saying God forgives everything—this has even become a law in the world. " 'But His creatures—men in this case—should not abuse His all-gracious and everywhere-penetrating Goodness, it is their duty not only to watch over all that He has created but also to maintain it. " 'Yet here on Earth men have even divided beings of all

other forms into "clean" and "unclean." Tell me, what guided them when they made this division? Why, for instance, is a sheep "clean" and a lion "unclean"? Are they not equally beings? This also was invented by men. But why this invention, why this distinction? Simply because the sheep is a weak being, and moreover stupid, and they can do just what they like with it. " 'But men call the lion "unclean" only because they dare not do what they like with it. The lion is cleverer and above all stronger than they are. Not only will the lion not allow itself to be destroyed, it will not even let people come near it. And if anyone should venture too close, this Mister Lion would give him such a crack on the noddle that our hero's life would fly away to regions concerning which the less said the better. " 'I repeat, a lion is "unclean" simply because men are afraid of it; it is a hundred times stronger than they are, a hundred times superior. A sheep is "clean" because it is much weaker than they and, as I said before, much more stupid. " 'Every being, according to its nature and the gradation of Reason attained by its ancestors and transmitted by heredity, occupies a definite place among beings of other forms. 'To clarify what I have just said, a good example is the difference between the presence, already definitely crystallized, of the psyche of your dog and your cat. You have only to pet your dog a little and get it used to anything you please, and it will become affectionate and obedient to the point of abasement. It will follow you around and cut every sort of caper just to please you. You can take liberties with it, beat it, be thoroughly mean to it; it will never turn on you, but only grovel still more at your feet. 'But try this sort of thing on your cat. Do you think it will respond to these indignities as your dog did, and cut the same humble capers for your amusement? Never in the

world! Even if the cat is not strong enough to retaliate at once, it will never forget how you treated it, and sooner or later will get its revenge. 'There are stones of cats that have pounced on a man while he slept and bitten his throat, and I can well believe it, knowing what the cat's reasons may have been No, the cat will stand up for itself, it knows its own value, it is proud, and this is simply because it is a cat, and its nature is at that gradation of Reason which belongs to it according to the merits of its ancestors In any case no being, not even a man, should be angry with a cat for this Is it the cat's fault that it is a cat, and that owing to the merits of its ancestors its presence occupies that gradation of "self-consciousness"? A cat must not be despised for this, nor beaten, nor humiliated, on the contrary it should be given its due, as occupying a higher rung on the ladder of evolution of "self-consciousness." ' "By the way, my dear Hassein, on this subject of the mutual relations of beings, a famous former prophet from the planet 'Desagroanskrad,' the great Arhoonilo, now the assistant to the Chief Investigator of the whole Universe on matters of objective morality, once said 'If a being is higher than you in Reason, you should bow before him and try to imitate him in everything, but if he is lower than you, you should be just toward him, for you once occupied the same place, according to the Sacred Scale of Reason of our Creator and All-Maintainer.' "So, my dear boy, this last conversation with that Earth friend of mine, the priest Abdil, made such a strong impression on him that for two whole days he did nothing but think and think In short, the result of it all was that he began to cognize and sense almost as he should have about the custom of 'sacrificial offerings. ' "Several days after this conversation of ours, one of the

two big religious festivals in Tikliamish took place, the festival called 'Zadik'; and in the temple where he was the chief priest my friend Abdil, instead of delivering the usual sermon at the close of the ceremony, suddenly began speaking about 'sacrificial offerings.' "I happened to go to the temple that day and was one of those who heard him speak. Although the theme of this sermon was unusual for such an occasion and such a place, it shocked no one, for he spoke better and more beautifully than ever before. He spoke so well and sincerely, and illustrated his theme with so many vivid and persuasive examples, that many of his listeners began to weep. "His words produced such a strong impression on the whole congregation that although his sermon lasted into the next day, instead of the customary half hour or so, nobody wished to leave; and when it was over, everyone remained standing for a long time as if spellbound. "In the days that followed, certain passages from his sermon began to circulate among those who had not been there to hear it. "It is interesting to remark that it was the custom at that time for priests to exist solely on the offerings of their parishioners, and this priest Abdil had been receiving from his flock all kinds of food for his ordinary existence, for instance the roasted and boiled 'corpses' of beings of various exterior forms, such as chickens, sheep, geese, and so on. But after this famous sermon of his no one brought him any of these customary offerings, but only brought or sent him fruits, flowers, all kinds of handiwork, and other such products. "My terrestrial friend became overnight the 'fashionable priest' of Koorkalai. And not only was the temple where he officiated always crammed with the citizens of the town, but he was also in great demand to preach in other temples. He delivered many sermons against sacrificial offerings, and the

number of his admirers kept on growing, so that soon he was famous not only

among the beings of the capital but throughout the whole country of

Tikliamish.

"I do not know how it would all have ended had not the whole priesthood—

that is, men-beings of the same profession as my friend—become alarmed by

his popularity and I begun to oppose everything he preached. Obviously his

colleagues were afraid that if the custom of sacrificial offerings were to

disappear, their own excellent incomes would dis­

appear also, and their authority would soon totter and finally crumble away

altogether.

"Day by day the number of the priest Abdil's enemies increased, and they spread new slanders and innuendoes about him in order to lessen his popularity and destroy his authority. "His colleagues began delivering sermons in their temples proving the exact opposite of everything Abdil had said. "At last things came to such a pass that the priesthood bribed various beings with 'hasnamussian' properties to plan and commit all sorts of outrages upon this poor Abdil. And indeed these terrestrial nullities tried several times to destroy his existence by sprinkling poison on the various edible offerings brought to him. "In spite of all this, the number of sincere admirers of his preaching grew daily. "Finally the whole corporation of the priesthood could stand it no longer and one sad day my friend was brought to trial before the ecclesiastical high court, which sat for four days. By sentence of the high court, this Earth friend of mine was irrevocably expelled from the priesthood, and at the same meeting his colleagues also organized further ways of persecuting him. "All this, of course, had a strong effect on the psyche of the ordinary beings, so that even those who had formerly

respected him the most began to avoid him and to repeat all sorts of calumnies about him. The very ones who the day before had sent him flowers and other offerings, those who had almost worshiped him, were soon affected by the constant gossip and became his bitter enemies, as though he had not only insulted them personally but had slaughtered all their near and dear ones. "Such is the psyche of the beings of that peculiar planet.

"In short, my friend's sincere wish for the good of those around him caused

him only pain and suffering. But even this would hardly have mattered, if in

a crowning act of treachery his colleagues, aided by other 'godlike' terrestrial

beings, had not brought all this to an end; that is to say, they killed him.

"This happened in the following way. My friend had no relatives at all in the city of Koorkalai, as he was born in some distant place. And the hundreds of servants and other terrestrial nullities who had flocked around him when he was in a prominent position gradually left him when he lost his importance. "Toward the end there remained only one very aged being, who had been with him for a long time. To tell the truth, this old man had stayed with him only on account of the infirmities of age which, owing to abnormal beingexistence, are the inevitable lot of most of your favorites—in other words, owing to his complete uselessness for anything required in the ordinary conditions of being-existence there. He simply had no other place to go, and that was why he did not desert my friend, but stayed with him even after he had lost his importance and was being persecuted. "Well, this old man went into my friend's room one sad morning and saw that his planetary body had been hacked to pieces. Knowing of my friendship with him, he ran at once to tell me about it. "I have already told you that I had begun to love the priest

Abdil as though he were one of my own kin. So when I heard about this terrible event, there almost occurred in my presence a 'skinikoonartsino,' that is to say, the connections between my separate being-centers were almost shattered. "But later that same day I became afraid that some unconscionable being might commit further outrages on my friend's planetary body and I decided to ward off at least that danger. So I immediately hired several suitable beings for a large sum of money and, unbeknownst to anybody else, had his planetary body removed and placed temporarily on my 'selchanakh,' or raft, which was moored not far away on the Oxoseria River and which I had kept there with the intention of returning on it to the Colhidius Sea, and to our ship Occasion. "This sad end of my friend Abdil's existence did not prevent his sermons and exhortations from having a strong effect on a growing number of beings. And indeed the quantity of sacrificial slaughterings began to diminish perceptibly and it became evident that, even if this custom were not abolished, it would at least be considerably mitigated. And for the time being that was enough for me. "As there was no reason for me to stay there any longer, I decided to return at once to the Colhidius Sea, and then to consider what to do with the planetary body of my friend. "When I reached our ship Occasion I found an etherogram from Mars, informing me of the arrival there of another party of beings from the planet Karatas, and asking for my speedy return. "Thanks to this etherogram a very strange idea came into my head, namely, that instead of disposing of my friend's planetary body on the Earth, I might take it with me and give it to the presence of the planet Mars. "I decided to carry out this idea, for I feared that in their hatred, my friend's enemies might make a search for his

planetary body; and if they happened to hear where it had been returned to the presence of their planet or, as your favorites say, 'buried,' they would no doubt find it and perpetrate further outrages upon it. "And so, on the ship Occasion I soon ascended from the Colhidius Sea to the planet Mars, where the beings of our tribe, with the aid of several kind Martians who had already learned of the events that had just taken place on the Earth, paid due respect to the planetary body that I had brought back with me. They buried it with the ceremonies customary on the planet Mars, and over the burial place erected a suitable construction. "In any case this was the first and will surely be the last 'grave,' as your favorites call it, for a being of the Earth on this at once so near yet so far and, for terrestrial beings, quite inaccessible planet Mars. "I learned afterward that this story came to the attention of the Most Great Archangel Setrenotsinarco, the All-Quarters Maintainer of that part of the Universe to which the system Ors belongs, and that he manifested his approval by giving to the appropriate being a command concerning the soul of this terrestrial friend of mine. "On the planet Mars I did indeed find awaiting me several beings of our tribe, recently arrived from the planet Karatas. Among them, by the way, was your grandmother, who, according to the indications of the chief 'zirlikner' of the planet Karatas, had been designated for me as the passive half for the continuation of my line."

CHAPTER 20

The third flight of Beelzebub to the planet Earth AFTER A BRIEF pause Beelzebub continued:

"This time I stayed at home on the planet Mars for a very short while, only

long enough to see and talk with those who had just arrived, and to give certain instructions of a common tribal character. "Once these obligations were taken care of, I descended again to your planet with the intention of pursuing my aim, that is, to uproot from those strange three-centered beings their horrible custom, which they considered a sacred duty, of destroying the existence of beings of other brain-systems. "On my third descent to the planet Earth our ship Occasion did not alight on the Colhidius Sea, now called the 'Caspian,' but on the sea known at that period as the 'Sea of Beneficence. ' We decided to alight there because this time I wished to go to the capital of the beings of the second group on the continent of Ashhark, the city of 'Gob,' which was situated on the southeastern shore of that sea. "The city of Gob was then a large city, and was renowned over the whole planet for its production of fine 'fabrics' and what are called 'precious ornaments.' The city spread over both banks of the mouth of a large river, called the 'Keria Chi,' which rose in the eastern highlands of the country and emptied into the Sea of Beneficence. On its western side another large river, called the 'Naria Chi,' flowed into the same sea. And it was chiefly in the valleys of these two rivers that the beings of the second group on the continent of Ashhark existed. "If you like, my dear boy, I will tell you a little about the history of these beings," Beelzebub said to Hassein.

"Yes, Grandfather, please! I shall listen to it all with great interest and gratitude!" replied his grandson. So Beelzebub began "A long, long time before the period of my present tale, and even long before the second great catastrophe to that ill-fated planet, while the continent of Atlantis was still at the height of its splendor, one of the ordinary three-centered beings of that continent 'discovered'—as later became clear through my investigations—that the powdered horn of a being of a particular exterior form then called 'pirmaral' was a very effective remedy for all sorts of 'diseases,' and this 'discovery' was afterward circulated far and wide by various 'freaks' on your planet At the same time there was gradually crystallized in the Reason of ordinary beings a directing factor, of course illusory, which later contributed to the formation in the common presence of each of your favorites, especially the contemporary ones, the 'Reason' of their so-called 'waking existence,' and this factor is to a large extent the cause of the frequent change in their convictions. "Owing to this factor, crystallized in the presence of the three-brained beings of that period, it became the custom that anyone who 'fell ill,' as they say, of some disease or other had to be given a dose of this powdered horn to swallow. "You might be interested to know that pirmarals still breed on your planet, but the contemporary beings take them merely for one of the species they call 'deer' and have no special name for them. "Well, my boy, the beings of the continent of Atlantis destroyed so many of these pirmarals for the sake of their horns that soon not a single one was left there Then certain beings of that continent who had made a profession of hunting pirmarals went to look for them on other continents and islands.

"This kind of hunting presented great difficulties, for it took many hunters to round up and capture the pirmarals, so these professional hunters always took their whole families along with them to help. One day several of these families banded together and set off to hunt pirmarals on a distant continent then called 'Iranan,' which later, after the upheavals caused by the second catastrophe, was called the continent of 'Ashhark,' and today is known by your favorites as 'Asia.' "For my further tales concerning these three-brained beings who have taken your fancy, it will be useful for you, I think, if I emphasize here that because of various disturbances during the second terrestrial catastrophe, certain parts of the continent of Iranan entered within the planet, while in their place other land masses emerged and attached themselves to it, with the result that this continent was considerably changed, becoming almost as large as the continent of Atlantis before the catastrophe. "Well, my boy, one day while this group of hunters and their families were pursuing a herd of these pirmarals, they came to the shores of the water space later called the 'Sea of Beneficence.' This sea, with its rich and fertile shores, pleased them so greatly that they no longer wished to return to the continent of Atlantis, and from then on they remained in that region. "At that time this country was indeed so marvelous and so 'sooptaninalnian' for ordinary being-existence that no being in his right mind could help liking it. Not only did great herds of the two-brained beings called 'pirmarals' exist there, but the shores of this water space situated in the middle of that country were covered with luxuriant vegetation, including vast numbers of fruit trees of many kinds, whose fruit then still served your favorites as the principal product for their 'first being-food.' "And

there

were

also

such

multitudes

of

the

one-brained

and two-brained beings called 'birds' that when flocks of them passed overhead, the sky became, as your favorites say, 'quite dark.' "The waters of the Sea of Beneficence so abounded with fish that you could almost catch them with your bare hands "As for the soil along the shores of the sea and in the valleys of the two great rivers flowing into it, every inch was so fertile that it could be used to grow anything you like. "In short, the country and its climate so delighted the hunters and their families that none of them had any desire to return to the continent of Atlantis. So they settled there and multiplied, soon adapting themselves to the surrounding conditions and existing, as is said, 'on a bed of roses.' "At this place in my tale, I must tell you about an extraordinary coincidence that had important consequences both for the first settlers of this second group and for their descendants down to recent times. "It seems that when the hunters from the continent of Atlantis decided to settle by the Sea of Beneficence, there already existed on the shores of that sea a being from their own continent who was very important at that time and who was an 'astrosovor,' that is, a member of a section of a 'learned society,' the like of which has never again appeared on the planet Earth and probably never will. "This learned society was called the 'Society of Akhldanns.' "The circumstances that had brought this member of the Society of Akhldanns to the shores of the Sea of Beneficence were as follows: "Just before the second catastrophe those genuinely learned beings then existing on the continent of Atlantis who had founded that truly great society became aware that something very serious was about to happen on their planet

So they set themselves to observe very carefully all the natural phenomena on their continent, but in spite of all their efforts they could not find out precisely what was impending. Somewhat later they sent certain of their members to other continents and islands, in the hope that by their combined observations they might learn what the anticipated danger was. "These members were to observe not only natural processes on the planet Earth, but also every kind of 'celestial phenomenon.' One of these members, the important being I just mentioned, chose the continent of Iranan for his ob­ servations and, having migrated there with his servants, settled on the shores of that water space later called the 'Sea of Beneficence.' "One day this learned member of the Akhldanns chanced to meet some of the hunters on the shores of this sea and, learning that they too had come from Atlantis, he was naturally very glad and began to establish friendly relations with them. "Thus, shortly afterward, when the continent of Atlantis was engulfed within the planet, this learned Akhldann, having no longer a place to return to, remained with the hunters in that future Maralpleicie. "Later, the group of hunters chose this learned being, as the most intelligent, to be their chief. Still later, this member of the great Society of Akhldanns married one of the hunters' daughters, named Rimala, thus becoming the founder of the second group on the continent of Ashhark or, as it is now called, 'Asia.' "A long time passed.

"In this country, generations of three-brained beings arose and disappeared

and, as everywhere else on the Earth, the general level of the psyche of this group underwent many

changes, sometimes of course for the better, sometimes for the worse. "As their numbers grew, these beings gradually spread more and more widely over the country, though always preferring the shores of the Sea of Beneficence and the valleys of the two great rivers that emptied into it "Only much later a common center of existence was formed on the southeastern shore of the sea, and this city, named the city of 'Gob,' became the chief place of residence for the head of this second group of beings, whom they called a 'king ' This position of 'king' became hereditary, beginning with the first chief they had chosen, the learned member of the Society of Akhldanns. "At the time to which my present tale refers, the king of the beings of this second group was the grandson of the great-grandson of that learned being, his name was Koniutsion. "My later inquiry and investigation showed that this King Koniutsion had introduced a most wise and beneficial measure in order to uproot a 'terrifying' evil that had arisen among the beings who by the will of fate had become his subjects. "And he introduced this measure in the following circumstances: "One day King Koniutsion observed that the beings of his community were becoming less and less capable of work, while scandals, robberies, and acts of violence were on the increase among them, as well as many other unpleasant incidents, which had never occurred before or only in quite exceptional cases. "These facts surprised and grieved the king, who became very thoughtful and resolved to get to the root of this sorry state of affairs.

"After lengthy observation he finally came to the conclusion that the cause lay in a new habit of the beings of his community, namely, the habit of chewing the seeds of a plant then called 'gulgulian.' This surplanetary formation still arises on the planet Earth today, and those of your favorites who consider themselves 'well educated' call it 'papaveroon,' but the ordinary beings simply call it 'poppy.' As I have just said, the beings of Maralpleicie had a passion at that time for chewing the seeds of this surplanetery for­ mation, which had to be gathered only when 'ripe.' "In the course of further observation and impartial reflection, the king realized that these seeds contained a certain 'something' which, when introduced into these beings, had the power to change completely, for the time being, all the established habits of their psyche, so that they saw, understood, sensed, and acted quite otherwise than they were accustomed to do. For instance, a crow would appear to them to be a peacock; a trough of water, a sea; a harsh clatter, music; good will appeared to them as enmity, insults as love, and so on and so forth. "As soon as King Koniutsion became thoroughly convinced of all this, he dispatched some of his closest and most trustworthy subjects throughout the land to issue strict orders in his name forbidding all beings of his community to chew these poppy seeds; he also arranged that those who disobeyed his orders should be punished and fined. "At first, thanks to these measures the use of these seeds appeared to diminish in the country of Maralpleicie. Very soon, however, it was discovered that this was not so; in reality the number of those who chewed the seeds was even greater than before. On realizing this, the wise King Ko­ niutsion decided to punish still more severely those who persisted in this habit; at the same time he increased the surveillance over his subjects and enforced punishment with even greater strictness. He himself began going about every-

where in the city of Gob, personally examining the guilty and meting out punishments, both corporal and moral. "In spite of all this the desired result was not obtained. The number of those who chewed poppy seeds rose steadily in the city of Gob, and reports from other territories subject to him showed a daily increase. "It then became evident that many three-brained beings who had never before indulged in this habit now took it up merely out of 'curiosity'—one of the particularities of the psyche of the three-brained beings of that planet which has taken your fancy—that is, merely to try out the effect of those seeds whose use had been prohibited by the king and punished with such relentless severity. "I must emphasize here that, although this curiosity had begun to be crystallized in the psyche of your favorites immediately after the loss of Atlantis, it never functioned so blatantly in the beings of former epochs as it does in the contemporary three-brained beings there, who have more of it, I dare say, than there are hairs on a 'toosook.' "So, my boy . . .

"When the wise King Koniutsion finally became convinced that he could

not root out the passion of chewing 'gulgulian' seeds through fear of punishment, and saw that the only result of his measures had been the death of some of those punished, he repealed all the orders he had previously issued and once again began to think seriously about how to find a really effective means of destroying this evil, so lamentable for his community. "As I learned much later thanks to an ancient surviving monument, the great King Koniutsion then retired to his chamber and for eighteen days neither ate nor drank, but only very seriously thought and thought. "According to my most recent investigations, the king was particularly anxious to find some means of uprooting this evil because by that time all the affairs of his community

were going from bad to worse. The beings who were addicted to this passion had almost ceased to work; the now of revenue into the communal treasury had entirely dried up; and ruin stared the country in the face. "Finally, the wise king decided to deal with this evil indirectly, by playing upon the weaknesses in the psyche of his subjects. With this aim he invented a most original 'religious doctrine,' corresponding to the psyche of the beings of that time, and he propagated this invention of his by every means at his disposal. "In this religious doctrine it was held, among other things, that far from the continent of Ashhark lay a large island on which there existed our 'Mister God.' "You must know that in those days not one of the ordinary beings was aware of the existence of any cosmic concentrations other than their own planet Earth. They were certain that the scarcely visible 'white points' far away in space were nothing more than the pattern on the 'veil of the world,' that is to say, of their planet; for in their notions the 'whole world' consisted, as I have just said, of their planet alone. They also believed that this 'veil' was supported like a 'canopy' on special 'pillars,' the bases of which rested on their planet. "Well, it was asserted in that ingenious doctrine of the astute King Koniutsion that Mister God had intentionally attached to our 'souls' the organs and limbs we now have, in order to protect us against our environment and enable us to serve Him effectively and profitably, and not Him alone but also the 'souls' already taken to that island of His. "When we die, and our 'soul' is liberated from all these specially attached parts, it becomes what in reality it should be, and is immediately taken to this island where, in accordance with how it has existed with its organs and limbs on our continent of Ashhark, our Mister God assigns to it an appropriate place for its further existence.

"If the 'soul' has fulfilled its duties honestly and conscientiously, Mister God leaves it to continue its existence on His island, but the 'soul' that here on the continent of Ash-hark has been idle or discharged its duties indolently or negligently, existing only for the gratification of the desires of its attached parts, or finally, has not kept His commandments, such a soul our Mister God sends to a smaller neighboring island for its further existence. "Here on the continent of Ashhark exist many 'spirits' attendant upon Him, who walk among us wearing 'caps of invisibility,' thanks to which they can constantly watch us unnoticed and report all our doings to Mister God, or inform Him on the 'Day of Judgment ' We can conceal nothing from them, neither our actions nor our thoughts. "This doctrine also said that our continent of Ashhark and all the other continents and islands of the world were created by our Mister God only to serve Him and the meritorious 'souls' already dwelling on His island All the continents and islands of the world are, as it were, places of preparation and storehouses for everything needed for this island of His. "This island where Mister God Himself exists with the meritorious 'souls' is called 'Paradise,' and existence there is just 'roses, roses ' All its rivers are of milk, and their banks of honey, no one there needs to toil or labor, everything necessary for a happy, carefree, and blissful existence is to be found there, supplied in superabundance from our own continent and the other continents and islands of the world This island of 'Paradise' is full of young and lovely women from all the peoples and races of the world, and any one of them belongs for the asking to the 'soul' that desires her. "In certain public squares of that superb island are great heaps of jewels, from the most brilliant diamonds to the deepest turquoises, and every 'soul' can take anything he likes without the least hindrance In other public squares of that beatific island are piled huge mountains of sweetmeats

prepared with essence of 'poppy' and 'hemp,' and every 'soul' may help himself to as much as he pleases at any hour of the day or night. "There are no diseases there, and of course none of those 'lice' or 'fleas' that give us all no peace here and blight our whole existence. "The other, smaller island, where for the rest of their existence our Mister God sends the souls whose temporary physical parts have been lazy here and have not existed according to His commandments, is called 'Hell ' All the rivers on this island are of burning pitch, the whole atmosphere stinks like a skunk at bay Swarms of horrible beings blow police whistles in every square, and all the 'carpets,' 'chairs,' and 'beds' are made of fine needles, with their points sticking out. "One very salty biscuit is given to each 'soul' once a day, and there is not a single drop of drinking water on the island There are also innumerable other torments that the beings of the Earth would not wish to undergo for anything in the world, or even to imagine. "Well then, my boy, when I came to Maralpleicie for the first time, all the three-brained beings of that country were followers of the 'religion' based upon the ingenious doctrine I have just been telling you about, and this 'religion' was then in full bloom. "The inventor of this ingenious doctrine, the wise King Koniutsion, had undergone the sacred 'rascooarno' long before this, that is to say, he had 'died' many years earlier But his invention, owing as always to the strangeness of the psyche of your favorites, had taken such a strong hold that not a single being in the whole country of Maralpleicie doubted the truth of its very original tenets. "From the day of my arrival in the city of Gob I began,

as usual, visiting the 'kaltaani,' by this time known as 'chaikhanas.' "It must be noted that although the custom of sacrificial offerings was also flourishing at that period in Maralpleicie, it was not being practiced on so large a scale as it had been in Tikliamish. "I set about looking for a suitable being, in order to make friends with him as I had done in the city of Koorkalai. And indeed I soon found such a friend, but this time he was not a priest by profession. "My new friend turned out to be the proprietor of a large 'chaikhana', and although I came to be on very good terms with him, as they say there, I never had that strange feeling of 'kinship' toward him that had arisen in my essence toward the priest Abdil. "I existed for a whole month in the city of Gob without reaching any decision or undertaking anything practical for my aim Accompanied by Ahoon, I simply wandered about the city visiting different 'chaikhanas,' including the one that belonged to my new friend. "During this time I became familiar with the manners and customs of this second group and also with the fine points of their religion And by the end of the month I reached the decision to attain my aim, once again, through their religion. "After serious pondering I resolved to add something to the religious doctrine already existing there, and I counted on being able, like the wise King Koniutsion, to spread this addition of mine effectively among the beings of that country What I added was the notion that those spirits who, as was said in that great religion, walk among us wearing 'caps of invisibility' and watch our deeds and thoughts are none other than the beings of other forms existing among us It is Just they who watch us and report everything to our Mister God.

"But we men not only fail to pay them due honor and respect, but even destroy their existence, both for our food and for sacrificial offerings. "In my explanations I particularly emphasized that not only should we cease destroying the existence of the beings of other forms in honor of Mister God but, what is more, we should try to win their favor and beseech them at least not to report to Mister God all those little evil acts that we commit involuntarily. "And I began to spread this addition of mine by every possible means—of course very cautiously To start with, I did so through my new friend, the proprietor of the 'chaikhana ' I must tell you that his 'chaikhana' was one of the largest in the whole city of Gob, and was famous for its reddish liquid, of which the beings of the planet Earth are very fond So it was always filled with customers and was open day and night It had become a meeting place not only for the inhabitants of the city itself but also for visitors from the whole of Maralpleicie. "I soon became quite expert at converting all these customers, some individually others by speaking to them in groups. "My new friend, the proprietor of the 'chaikhana,' believed so firmly in my invention that he was beside himself with remorse He was in constant distress and bitterly repented his former contemptuous attitude toward the beings of other forms and his treatment of them. "Becoming day by day a more fervent advocate of my invention, he not only helped to spread it in his 'chaikhana,' but began of his own accord to visit other 'chaikhanas' in the city of Gob to proclaim the !truth' that so agitated him He held forth in the public markets and even went several times to the outskirts of the city to visit holy places, of which there were many at that period, established in honor or in memory of somebody or something.

"It is interesting to remark here that on the planet Earth, the stories that give rise to the establishment of holy places usually come from certain terrestrial beings called 'humbugs.' "This disease of 'humbugging,' or lying, is very widespread there. On the planet Earth people lie both consciously and unconsciously. And they lie consciously when there is some personal material advantage to be gained; and unconsciously when they fall ill of the disease known as 'hysteria.' "Besides the proprietor of the 'chaikhana' there were a number of other beings of the city of Gob who began unconsciously to help me, as they also had become ardent supporters of my invention; and soon all the beings of that second Asiatic group were eagerly spreading this invention of mine, and persuading each other that it was an indubitable 'truth' that had suddenly been revealed to them. "The result of it all was that, in the country of Maralpleicie, not only did sacrificial offerings diminish but the beings of other forms even began to be treated with unprecedented attention. "Such comical scenes were enacted there that although I myself was the author of the invention, I found it difficult to refrain from laughter. "We witnessed for instance farces such as these: a highly respectable and wealthy merchant would be riding to his shop one morning on his donkey; on the way a motley crowd of beings would pull him off his donkey and maul him within an inch of his life for having dared to sit on it; then, bowing low before it, the crowd would escort the donkey wherever it chose to go. "Or what is called a 'woodcutter' would be hauling a load of wood from the forest to market with his oxen. He too would be dragged from his cart and beaten, and then the crowd would very gently unyoke the oxen, and escort them

ceremoniously wherever they wanted to go. And if all this had happened in a part of the city where the cart might hold up traffic, the crowd would haul it to the market themselves and leave it there to its fate. "This invention of mine soon led to the appearance of quite new customs in the city of Gob—for instance, that of placing troughs in the public squares and at all the street crossings, where every morning the residents could leave their choicest morsels of food for dogs and other stray beings; and also the custom of going at sunrise to the Sea of Beneficence to throw in all kinds of food for the beings called 'fish.' "But the most peculiar of all was the custom of paying attention to the voices of one-brained and two-brained beings of various forms. As soon as your favorites heard the voice of a being of any other form, they would begin praising the name of their god and invoking his blessing. It might be the crowing of a cock, the barking of a dog, the mewing of a cat, the squealing of an ape, no matter what ... it would always arouse them. "It is interesting to remark here that on these occasions for some reason or other they would raise their heads and look upward even though, according to the teaching of their religion, their god and his assistants were supposed to exist on the same level as themselves, and not where they directed their eyes and prayers. It was extremely interesting to watch their faces at these moments." "Pardon me, Your Right Reverence," interrupted Beelzebub's devoted old servant Ahoon, who had been listening to these tales with the greatest interest. "Do you remember, Your Right Reverence, how often in that city of Gob we ourselves had to flop down in the street at the cries of beings of different forms?" "Indeed I do remember, dear Ahoon," replied Beelzebub. "How could I ever forget such comical impressions?

"The fact is," he continued, turning to Hassein again, "the three-brained beings of the planet Earth are inconceivably proud and touchy. If someone does not share their views or agree to do as they do or criticizes their manifestations, they are very offended and their indignation knows no bounds. "And if one of them should happen to have some power, he would order anyone rash enough to criticize his conduct or to behave differently from himself to be shut up in the sort of place usually crawling with 'rats' and 'lice.' "And if the offended one should be physically stronger, and no one were looking—at least no important power-possessing being with whom he happened to be on bad terms—he would simply give the offender a good thrashing, as the Russian Sidor once thrashed his favorite goat. "Well knowing this aspect of their strange psyche, I had no desire to offend them and incur their wrath. Furthermore, as I was profoundly aware that to outrage anybody's religious feeling is contrary to all morality, I tried when existing among them always to do as they did, so as not to be con­ spicuous and draw attention to myself. "Here it will do no harm to point out that, owing to the abnormal conditions of ordinary existence there, the only beings of that strange planet, especially during recent centuries, who become notable and are therefore honored by the rest, are those who manifest themselves somehow or other more absurdly than the majority. And the more absurd their manifestations, the more stupid, mean, and insolent the tricks they play, the more celebrated they become, and the greater is the number of beings on their own continent, or even on other continents, who know them personally, or at least by name. "On the other hand, an honest being who does not behave absurdly has no chance at all of becoming famous, or even of being noticed, however kind and sensible he may be.

"So, my boy, when our Ahoon mischievously reminded me of our ludicrous situation, I was speaking of the custom of attaching significance to the voices of beings of various forms and particularly to the voice of 'donkeys,' of which for some reason or other there were a great many in the city of Gob. "On that planet the beings of other forms make their voices heard, each at a definite time For instance, the cock crows just before dawn, an ape cries in the morning when it is hungry, and so on, but donkeys bray whenever it enters their heads to do so and, in consequence, you may hear the voice of that silly being at any hour of the day or night. "Well then, it became customary in the city of Gob that whenever the sound of a donkey's bray was heard, everyone immediately had to flop down and offer up prayers to their god and their revered idols I must add that Nature has given the donkey a very loud voice, and its braying can be heard a long way off. "So, as we walked along the streets of the city and saw the citizens flopping down at the braying of every donkey, we had to flop down likewise, so as not to appear different from the others, and it was this ridiculous custom, I see now, that tickled old Ahoon so much. "Did you notice, dear Hassein, with what venomous satisfaction our old friend reminded me, after so many centuries, of my comical situation at that time?" Having said this, Beelzebub, with a smile, went on with his tale. "Needless to say, in this second center of culture on the continent of Ashhark the destruction of beings of other forms for sacrificial offerings entirely ceased, and if isolated instances did occur, the other beings of that group settled accounts with the offenders without compunction. "Having thus become convinced that I had succeeded so easily in uprooting, for a long time to come, the custom of

sacrificial offerings among the second group of beings on the continent of Ashhark, I decided to leave. But I had it in mind, in any event, to visit other large centers inhabited by the beings of Maralpleicie, and I chose for this purpose the region of the river called 'Naria Chi.' "Soon after making this decision, I sailed with Ahoon to the mouth of that river and began to travel up it against the current. At each of the large centers we came to I was able to verify that there had already passed from the beings of the city of Gob to the beings of these places the same new customs and notions concerning the destruction of the existence of beings of other forms for sacrificial offerings. "We finally arrived at a small town called 'Arguenia,' which in those days was considered the most remote point of the country of Maralpleicie. It was inhabited by a fair number of beings of this second Asiatic group, who were engaged chiefly in extracting from nature what is called 'turquoise.' "In this small town of Arguenia, in accordance with my usual procedure, I began to visit various 'chaikhanas,' pursuing there, as always, the fulfillment of my principal aim."

CHAPTER 21

The first visit of Beelzebub to India BEELZEBUB continued

as follows:

"One day while sitting in a 'chaikhana' in the small town of Arguenia I

overheard a conversation among several beings seated not far from me.

"They were talking about traveling by caravan to 'Pearl-land' and deciding when and how they should go. "Overhearing their conversation, I gathered that they intended to go there to exchange their 'turquoise' for what are called 'pearls.' "Here, by the way, let me draw your attention to the fact that in former epochs your favorites liked, as they still do today, to wear pearls, turquoise, and many what are called 'precious trinkets,' for the purpose, as they say, of 'adorning' their exteriors. But if you would like my opinion, they do this simply by instinct, in order to offset their inner insignificance. "At the period to which my present tale refers, these 'pearls' were very rare among the beings of the second Asiatic group and commanded a high price. In Pearl-land, on the contrary, they were plentiful and could be bought quite cheaply, for at that time pearls were obtained only from the water spaces surrounding that country. "The conversation of the beings sitting near me in the 'chaikhana' in the small town of Arguenia immediately interested me, as I myself had the intention of going to Pearl-land, which was the place of existence of the three-brained beings of the third group on the continent of Ashhark. And the association was at once aroused in my thoughts that it might be better to go directly to Pearl-land with the caravan of these beings than to return to the Sea of Beneficence by

the way we had come and travel from there to Pearl-land in our ship Occasion. "Although this journey, in those days almost impossible for the beings of the Earth, would take a great deal of time, I reflected that the journey back to the Sea of Beneficence, with its unforeseeable contingencies, would perhaps take not much less time. Moreover, an association arose in my thoughts because long before this I had heard a great deal about the peculiarities of nature in the regions through which the proposed caravan route lay, and in consequence a certain 'being-love of knowledge' that was already crystallized in me, having been shocked into functioning by what I had overheard, at once imposed on my common presence the need to experience all this myself directly with my own organs of perception. "That is why, my boy, I purposely went over and sat down with those beings and joined in their discussion. As a result, Ahoon and I were included in their caravan, and two days later we set off with them. "We then passed through some most unusual places, unusual even for the nature of that ill-fated planet, certain parts of which, by the way, had become so strange only because this planet had already undergone two what are called 'transapalnian perturbations,' almost without precedent in the Universe. From the very first day we had to make our way through gorges overhung with rocky 'projections' of unusual forms, containing conglomerations of all kinds of 'intraplanetary minerals.' "It was only after a month's travel, according to their time calculation, that our caravan from Arguenia came to places where Nature had not completely lost the possibility of producing surplanetary formations in the soil, and of creating corresponding conditions for the arising and existence of various one-brained and two-brained beings. "After all sorts of difficulties, at last, one clear morning,

we reached a summit and suddenly saw on the horizon the outline of a large water space, bordering the shores of that part of the continent of Ashhark then called 'Pearl-land.' "Four days later we arrived at the chief center of existence of the third Asiatic group, the city then known as 'Kaiamon.' Having arranged for a place to stay, Ahoon and I spent the first few days simply strolling about the streets of the city, observing the specific manifestations of the beings of that third group in the process of their ordinary existence. "It cannot be helped, my dear Hassein! Now that I have told you the history of the arising of the second group of beings on the continent of Ashhark, I shall also have to tell you about the arising of the third group "Tell me, tell me, dear beloved Grandfather!" cried Hassein eagerly. Then, with reverence, he lifted his arms and said with great sincerity. "May my dear and kind grandfather become worthy of perfecting himself to the degree of Reason of the sacred Anklad!" Saying nothing to this, Beelzebub only smiled and continued as follows: "The history of this third group begins shortly after that period when the families of the 'pirmaral' hunters had first come from the continent of Atlantis to the shores of the Sea of Beneficence and, having settled there, had founded the second group of Asiatic beings. In those remote days— infinitely remote for your contemporary favorites—that is, not long before the second transapalnian perturbation occurred to this ill-fated planet, certain consequences of the properties of the 'organ kundabuffer' had begun to be crystallized in the presences of the beings of the continent of Atlantis; and this aroused in them the need, among other needs unbecoming to three-brained beings, to adorn them-

selves with various trinkets and to wear the famous 'talismans' they had invented. "And one of these trinkets, much prized then on the continent of Atlantis as everywhere today on the Earth, was this 'pearl' we have mentioned 'Pearls' are formed in certain one-brained beings breeding in the 'saliakooriapi' of your planet Earth, that is, in the part called 'hentralispana,' or as your favorites might express it, the 'blood of the planet,' which is found in the common presence of every planet and serves the actualizing of the process of the Most Great Common-Cosmic Trogoautoegocrat, and there on your planet this part is called 'water.' "The one-brained beings in which 'pearls' are formed used to breed in the 'saliakooriapi,' or water spaces, surrounding the continent of Atlantis, but on account of the great demand, so many of these 'pearl-bearing beings' were de­ stroyed that soon there were none left along the shores of that continent Thereupon, when those beings who made the aim and sense of their existence the destruction of these one-brained beings—that is to say, who destroyed them only to procure that part of their common presence called 'pearl' for the gratification of their absurd egoism—found no more in the water spaces near the continent of Atlantis, these 'professionals' began to look for them in other water spaces, and gradually moved farther and farther away from their own continent. "Once during this search, their rafts were unexpectedly earned by prolonged 'saliakooriapnian displacements' or, as they say, 'storms,' to a region abounding in these 'pearl-bearing beings,' where conditions were extremely favorable for their destruction. "The waters that these destroyers happened to reach, and where these 'pearl-bearing beings' bred in large numbers, were precisely those surrounding the country then called 'Pearl-land,' and now called 'Hindustan' or 'India. '

"For the first few days, these terrestrial professionals gave free rein to the inclination, already inherent in their presences, wantonly to destroy these onebrained beings of their planet, but later, after they found out, also by chance, that almost everything required for ordinary existence grew in abundance on the neighboring land mass, they decided not to return to Atlantis but to settle permanently in Pearl-land. "Thereupon a few of these destroyers of 'pearl-bearing beings' sailed back to the continent of Atlantis, and after bartering their pearls for articles still lacking in the new place, they returned to Pearl-land, bringing with them their families and those of their comrades who had stayed behind. "Later on, others among those first settlers in this country, still 'new' for the beings of that period, visited their native land from time to time to exchange pearls for various articles they needed, and each time they brought back with them more of their relatives and kinsmen, or simply laborers indispensable for their extensive activities. "So, my boy, from then on, that part of the surface of the planet Earth became known to all the three-brained beings there, and especially to those of Atlantis, as the 'Land of Beneficence.' "Thus, many beings from Atlantis were already existing on this part of the continent of Ashhark before the second great catastrophe occurred to the planet Earth, and when the continent of Atlantis was engulfed within your planet many of its inhabitants who happened to be saved, chiefly those who had relatives by blood or marriage in Pearl-land, gradually collected there "With the 'fecundity' proper to them they multiplied steadily, and began to spread over this part of their planet. "At first they populated only two particular regions around the mouths of two great rivers, which flowed from the interior of the continent of Ashhark and emptied into

the vast water space just where many of the 'pearl-bearing beings' bred But as their numbers continued to increase, they also began to settle in the interior of the country, although their favorite regions were still the valleys of the two rivers. "Well then, my boy, when I first arrived in Pearl-land, I decided to attain my aim as before by means of the 'havatviernoni' existing there, that is, through their 'religion ' But it turned out that at that time the beings of this third group of the continent of Ashhark had several peculiar 'havatviernonis,' or 'religions,' each based upon a quite independent 'religious teaching' having nothing in common with the others. "In view of this I began to make a serious study of these 'religious teachings' and, having ascertained that the one founded on the teaching of a genuine Messenger of our Common Endless Creator—afterward called Saint Buddha —had the most followers, I devoted all my attention to its study. "Before telling you more about the three-brained beings breeding on that part of the surface of the planet Earth, I think it necessary to remark, however briefly, that ever since the custom arose of having independent 'havatviernonis' or 'religions,' there have existed and still exist among your favorites two basic kinds of 'religious teachings. ' "One kind is invented by certain three-brained beings in whom, for some reason or other, the psychic functioning proper to a 'hasnamuss' has been developed, and the other kind of religious teaching is founded upon detailed instructions revealed as it were by genuine Messengers from Above, who are indeed sent from time to time by certain of the closest assistants of our Common Father to help the three-

brained beings of your planet destroy in their presence the crystallized consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer. "The religion then followed by most of the beings of Pearl-land, to which I devoted my attention, and about which I now find it necessary to tell you, arose in the following way: "As the three-brained beings of that third group multiplied, many of them were formed with 'hasnamussian' properties and began spreading ideas more maleficent than usual among the other beings around them, so that a special psychic property began to be crystallized in the presences of most of them, engendering a factor that greatly hindered the normal 'exchange of substances' actualized by the Most Great Common-Cosmic Trogoautoegocrat. "Well then, as soon as that lamentable result—again issuing from this same planet—became known to certain Most Sacred Individuals, they graciously vouchsafed that a corresponding Sacred Individual be sent especially to that group of beings to regulate their being-existence in a more or less tolerable manner, in accordance with the existence of the whole of that solar system. The Sacred Individual who was sent to them was coated with the planetary body of a terrestrial three-brained being and was called, as I have said, Saint Buddha. This actualization took place several centuries before my first visit to the country of Pearl-land. At this point Hassein looked up at Beelzebub and said: "Dear Grandfather, more than once in your talks you have used the expression 'hasnamuss. ' Until now I have understood, merely from the intonation of your voice and the consonance of the word itself, that by this expression you designated certain three-brained beings you always set apart from others as if they deserved 'objective contempt. ' Be

kind, as always, and explain to me the real meaning of this word." Whereupon Beelzebub, with a smile peculiar to him, replied: "As regards the 'type' of three-brained being for whom I have adopted this expression, I will tell you at the proper time; but meanwhile know that this word designates the already defined common presence of any three-brained being—whether consisting of the planetary body alone or already coated with higher being-bodies—in whom for some reason or other data have not been crystallized for the divine impulse of Objective Conscience." With no further explanation of the word "hasnamuss," Beelzebub continued: "Well, my boy, during my detailed study of that religious teaching, I also discovered that when this Sacred Individual had become coated with the presence of a three-brained being of that planet, and had seriously pondered how to fulfill the task laid upon him from Above, he decided to accomplish it by the enlightenment of their Reason. "Here it must be noted without fail that at that time there had already been crystallized in the presence of Saint Buddha, as my detailed investigations made evident, a very clear understanding that during the process of its abnormal formation, the Reason of the beings of the planet Earth becomes 'instincto-titillarian,' that is, it functions only under the action of corresponding shocks from without. In spite of this, Saint Buddha decided to carry out his task by means of their 'Reason'—so peculiar for three-brained beings—and he began informing that Reason of theirs with objective truths of every kind. "First of all, Saint Buddha assembled a number of the chiefs of the third Asiatic group and spoke to them as follows:

'Beings with a presence in the image of the Creator of all things! 'My essence has been sent to you by certain Enlightened and Most Sacred Final Results, who guide in perfect justice the actualization of everything existing in the Universe, to serve as a helping factor for each of you in the striving to free yourselves from the consequences of those abnormal being-properties which, because of important common-cosmic needs, were implanted in the presence of your ancestors and, passing by heredity from generation to generation, have reached you also.' "Saint Buddha spoke about this again and in a little more detail, but only to certain beings he himself had initiated. "This time he expressed himself in the following words: 'Beings with a presence designed to actualize the Hope of our Common Father! 'Soon after the arising of your species, there occurred in the process of the normal existence of the whole solar system an unforeseen misfortune which entailed serious consequences for everything existing. 'In order to avert universal disaster it was then considered necessary, according to the calculations of certain Most High Most Sacred Individuals, among other measures to make a change in the functioning of the common presence of your ancestors, namely, to implant in them a certain organ with special properties, owing to which everything external perceived by their presence and transformed in them for their own coating would be manifested not in accordance with reality. 'A little later, when the normal existence of your solar system had been stabilized and there was no further need for various intentionally created measures, our Most All-Gracious Common Father did not fail to give the command to annul certain artificial measures, and among other things

to remove from the common presence of your ancestors the now superfluous "organ kundabuffer," with all its special properties. And this command was immediately carried out by the corresponding Sacred Individuals who superintend such cosmic actualizations. " 'After a considerable time had passed, it suddenly became clear that, although all the properties of that organ had indeed been removed from the presence of your ancestors by these Most Sacred Individuals, nevertheless a certain cosmic result flowing lawfully from these properties, namely, the "predisposition" that arises in every more or less independent cosmic presence from the repeated action of any function, had not been foreseen and destroyed. " 'And so it turned out that as this "predisposition" passed by heredity to succeeding generations, the consequences of many of the properties of the organ kundabuffer began gradually to be crystallized in their presence. " 'As soon as this lamentable factor in the presence of the three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth was ascertained, a corresponding Sacred Individual was sent here, with the all-gracious sanction of our Common Father, so that, having been coated with a presence like your own and having perfected himself by Objective Reason in the conditions already established on Earth, he might indicate the way and show you how to uproot from your presence the already crystallized consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, as well as your inherited "predisposition" to new crystallizations. " 'During the period when this Sacred Individual, coated with a presence like your own and already at the age of a responsible terrestrial three-centered being, was personally guiding the ordinary process of being-existence of your ancestors, many of them did indeed free themselves completely from the consequences of the properties of the organ

kundabuffer, and thereby acquired being for themselves personally or became normal sources for the arising of a normal presence in future beings like themselves. " 'But even before this Sacred Individual's appearance here, owing to the many abnormal conditions of ordinary existence created by you, the duration of your existence had become unnaturally short, and consequently the process of the sacred "rascooarno" had to occur very early to this Sacred Individual also—that is to say, he too, like yourselves, had to die prematurely, without having time to accomplish the task assigned to him. After his death, everything gradually became as it had been before, partly due to the same abnormal conditions of ordinary being-existence and partly to that maleficent property in your psyche called "wiseacring." 'Thanks to this property in your psyche the beings here, even of the second generation after the contemporaries of this Sacred Individual sent from Above, gradually began to change everything he had explained and indicated, until ultimately the whole of his teaching was completely destroyed. " 'Again and again the same action was taken by the Most High CommonCosmic Final Results—and each time with the same fruitless outcome. " 'And now, in this present period of the flow of time, when the abnormal existence of the three-brained beings of the Earth, particularly of those on that part of its surface called "Pearl-land," is becoming a serious hindrance to the normal harmonious existence of the whole of this solar system, my essence is manifested among you from Above in order that here on the spot, together with your own essences and in the already established conditions, it may look for some way to uproot from your common presences those consequences still existing in you owing to the "lack of foresight on the part of certain Most Saintly Cosmic Final Results."

"After this, by means of various talks with them, Saint Buddha first clarified for himself and then explained to the others how the process of their existence should be conducted, and in what order their positive part should consciously guide the manifestations of their unconscious parts, so that the crystallized consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, and also the 'inherited predisposition' to them, might gradually disappear from their common presence. "And indeed, as my detailed research made clear to me, during the period when the inner psyche of the beings on that part of the surface of the Earth was guided by this genuine Messenger from Above, Saint Buddha, those consequences so maleficent for them once more began to disappear from the presences of many of them. "But to the sorrow of every Individual with Pure Reason of any gradation whatever and to the misfortune of the three-brained beings of all succeeding generations who arise on that planet, the first descendants of the contemporaries of this genuine Messenger from Above, Saint Buddha, fell victim to that evil property of their psyche, namely 'wiseacring'—still one of the chief results of the abnormally established conditions of ordinary beingexistence there— and began to wiseacre about all his indications and counsels, and this time to 'superwiseacre' so thoroughly that all that reached the beings of the third and fourth generations who arise on that planet was what our honorable Mullah Nasr Eddin defines by the words: 'Only information about its specific smell.' "Little by little they so completely changed these indications and counsels of his that should their saintly author reappear there and for some reason or other wish to learn about them, he would never even suspect that he himself had given these indications and counsels.

"Here I cannot refrain from expressing my essence-grief at that strange practice of your favorites, which in the course of many of their centuries has gradually become, as it were, lawful in the process of their ordinary existence This peculiar practice, already firmly established there, served to distort all the true indications and exact counsels of Saint Buddha, and thus created yet another factor for the dilution of their psyche. "The chief characteristic of this long-standing habit is that a small, sometimes quite trifling cause is enough to change for the worse or even completely destroy any 'good' outer or inner tempo of ordinary existence— 'good,' that is, in the objective sense of the word. "Certain details of the arising of the trivial cause that led to the distortion of the true explanations and indications of this genuine Messenger from Above, Saint Buddha, may provide you with excellent material for a better sensing and understanding of the strangeness of the psyche of those threebrained beings who have taken your fancy And so I shall speak of this at length and explain the exact sequence in which this peculiar practice arose and was manifested there, bringing about a certain sad misunderstanding, par­ ticularly in evidence today. "I must tell you that I cleared up this misunderstanding long after the period to which my present tale refers, namely, during my sixth descent there, when it became necessary, in connection with a question concerning the saintly Ashiata Shiemash, about whom I shall soon tell you, to investigate a certain fact about the activities of that genuine Messenger from Above, Saint Buddha As it turned out, the source of the lamentable misunderstanding was, unfortunately, certain authentic words spoken by Saint Buddha himself. "One day while instructing some of his closest initiates, Saint Buddha spoke in very precise terms about a means for the possible destruction in their nature of the consequences

of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, transmitted to them by heredity. "Among the things he said to them was this:

" 'One of the best means of rendering ineffective the predisposition in your

nature to crystallize the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer is "intentional suffering"; and the greatest "intentional suffering" can be obtained in our presences by compelling ourselves to endure the displeasing manifestations of others toward ourselves.' "This explanation of Saint Buddha, along with other definite indications of his, were circulated among the ordinary beings there through his closest initiates; and after he had undergone the process of the sacred 'rascooarno,' it began to pass from generation to generation. "As I have already told you, my boy, from the time of the loss of Atlantis the property called the 'psycho-organic need to wiseacre' had become fixed in the psyche of your favorites. And so—to the misfortune of all ordinary threecentered beings of that period and. of all succeeding generations up to the present—the beings of the second and third generations after Saint Buddha began to wiseacre and superwiseacre about this counsel of his. As a result, the very definite notion became fixed in their presence and also passed from generation to generation that this 'endurance' could be produced only in solitude. "Here the strangeness of the psyche of your favorites showed itself, as it still does today, in their failure to grasp the obvious fact—obvious, that is, to any more or less sane Reason—that in advising them to practice that kind of endurance, the divine teacher, Saint Buddha, meant of course that they should do so while continuing to exist among beings like themselves. And he advised this in order that, by frequently producing this sacred being-actualization toward the displeasing manifestations of others, there might be evoked in them what are called 'trentroodianos' or, as

they would say, the 'chemico-physical results' that engender in the presence of every three-centered being those being-data necessary for the arising of one of the three holy forces of the sacred being-Triamazikamno And in beings, this 'holy force' always becomes affirming toward all the denying properties already present in them. "Well, my boy, from the time when the mentioned definite notion had taken root, certain of your favorites deliberately withdrew themselves from the established conditions of ordinary being-existence, in the midst of which their predisposition to the crystallization of the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer had become more intense in their presences Yet of course, as the divine teacher Buddha had foreseen, it was in those conditions alone that this 'endurance' of the manifestations of others displeasing to themselves could crystallize in their presence those actualizations of 'partkdolgduty' required from all three-centered beings in general, without which 'self-perfecting' is impossible. "And so, for the sake of this famous 'suffering' of theirs, many of the three-centered beings of that planet, either singly or in groups—that is, with others who thought as they did—began to withdraw from the society of their fellow beings. "They even founded special colonies for this purpose where, although existing together, they nevertheless arranged everything so as to produce this 'endurance' of theirs in solitude. "It was then that their famous 'monasteries' first came into existence, which continue down to the present day, and where certain of your favorites go, as they say, 'to save their souls. ' "Well, when I first visited Pearl-land, most of the three-brained beings were, as I said before, followers of the religion

based upon the supposedly exact counsels and indications of Saint Buddha, and their faith in this religion was unshakable. "At the outset of my study of the doctrinal subtleties of that religion, I was still uncertain just how to make use of it to attain my aim But when in the course of my investigations I happened to clarify for myself a particular notion shared by all the followers of that religion, which again was based upon a misunderstanding of certain words actually uttered by Saint Buddha, I at once decided how to act through this peculiar havatviernoni, or religion, of theirs. "It transpired that in his explanations of cosmic truths Saint Buddha had told them, among other things 'Each of the three-centered beings existing on the various planets of our Great Universe, and of course on the Earth also, must in reality be nothing other than a particle of that Most Great Greatness which is the All-Embracing of all that exists, and the foundation of this Most Great Greatness is there Above, the better to embrace the essence of everything existing. " 'This Most Great Foundation of the All-Embracing of everything existing constantly emanates throughout the whole of the Universe, and on the planets it coats from its particles certain three-centered beings who have attained in their common presence the capacity to have their own functioning of the two fundamental cosmic laws of the sacred Heptaparaparshinokh and the sacred Triamazikamno, so that these particles form a definite unit, in which alone divine Objective Reason has the possibility of becoming concentrated and fixed. 'And this has been foreseen and created in this manner by our Common Creator so that when these particles of the Great All-Embracing return, now spiritualized by divine Reason, and reblend with the Prime Source of the AllEmbracing, they should compose that Whole which, in the Hope of our Common Endless Uni-Being, may actualize

the sense and striving of everything that exists in the entire Universe. "And it seems that Saint Buddha said to them further " 'You, three-centered beings of the planet Earth, endowed with the possibility of acquiring your own functioning of both fundamental sacred laws, have also the full possibility of coating in yourselves this most sacred particle of the Great All-Embracing of everything existing, and of perfecting it to the required degree of divine Reason. 'And this Great All-Embracing of all things embraced is called "Holy Prana. " ' "This precise explanation of Saint Buddha was well understood by his contemporaries, and many of them began to strive with eagerness to absorb and to coat in their presences the particles of this Most Great Greatness, and afterward by this means to make manifest divine Objective Reason. "But when the beings of the second and third generations following Saint Buddha began wiseacring with their peculiar Reason about his explanations of cosmic truths, they introduced for future transmission the definite notion that this 'Mister Prana' is already in them when they first see the light of day. "Thanks to this misunderstanding, the beings of that period and of all subsequent generations, including the present one, have imagined that, without fulfilling any being-partkdolgduty, they are already particles of that Most Great Greatness, as Saint Buddha himself had so specifically described. "So, my boy, as soon as I had realized what this misunderstanding was, and had ascertained that the beings of Pearl-land were all, without exception, convinced that they were already particles of 'Mister Prana' himself, I decided to make use of this misunderstanding and to attain my aim, here also, through their religion.

"Before saying more, I must not fail to point out that although Saint Buddha had supposedly said that a being already has within himself at his arising a particle of the Most Great Greatness, my detailed investigations quite clearly showed me that he could never possibly have said that. "And he could not have said this because, as my investigations quite definitely showed, when he happened on one occasion to be with his devoted disciples in the locality of 'Senkoo-ori,' what he actually said was as follows: " 'If this most sacred Prana is crystallized in you, with the conscious or unconscious participation of your "I," you must without fail bring the perfecting of the individual Reason of this totality of most sacred atoms to the required gradation, otherwise this most holy coating, changing from one exterior coating to another, will suffer and languish eternally. "Here it is interesting to recall that the beings of that planet were given the same warning by another Sacred Individual, also a genuine Messenger from Above, Saint Kirmininasha, who expressed it in these words: " 'Blessed is he that hath a soul, blessed also is he that hath none, but grief and sorrow are the lot of him who hath in himself only its conception. ' "So, my boy, when I had made all this clear to myself, I at once decided to make use of this error of theirs for the accomplishment of my aim. "Here in Pearl-land, just as in the city of Gob, I first invented an addition to their religious teaching, and then began to spread this invention of mine by every possible means. "I spread the idea that the most sacred Prana, of which our divine teacher Saint Buddha had spoken, is already present not only in us men but in all beings that arise and exist

on our planet Earth I said that a particle of that Most Great All-Embracing, the most sacred Prana, settles from the moment of its arising in every form of being on every scale, whether breeding on the surface of the planet, in its waters, or in the atmosphere. "I regret to have to say here, my boy, that more than once I was constrained to emphasize that these words came from the lips of Saint Buddha himself. "Several beings of that country with whom I had established friendly relations, and who were the first I persuaded to accept my invention, believed in it immediately without question, and from then on very effectively helped me— unconsciously of course—to spread this invention of mine Here, too, my friends went about, zealously and passionately proving to their fellows that this was just so and could not possibly be otherwise In short, my second invention brought about the desired results in Pearl-land more rapidly than I could have expected. "Owing simply to my invention, your favorites so changed their essencerelations with beings of other forms that they not only ceased to destroy their existence for their famous 'sacrificial offerings,' but even began very sincerely, with the whole of their being, to regard them as beings like themselves. "If only they had stopped at this point, all would have been well, but here, just as in the country of Maralpleicie, they soon fell into their habit of wiseacring and began to manifest many comical aspects of their havatviernoni. "For instance, within a few of their months after I began spreading my invention, at almost every step you could see, when strolling down the street in the city of Kaiamon, beings walking on what are called 'stilts ' And they walked on stilts so as not to risk crushing some insect or other, a 'little being just like themselves,' as they now believed.

"Many were afraid to drink water that had not been freshly drawn from a spring or stream, fearing that tiny beings might have fallen into it and that without seeing them they would unwittingly swallow these 'poor little creatures like themselves.' Many took the precaution of wearing what are called 'veils' lest the 'poor little beings' existing in the air should accidentally enter their mouths or noses And so on and so forth. "From that time on, in the city of Kaiamon and its outskirts, and throughout Pearl-land, societies began to spring up whose aim was to protect 'defenseless' beings of various forms, both those existing among them and those they called 'wild.' In all these societies there were rules prohibiting not only the destruction of these beings for sacrificial offerings, but also the use of their planetary bodies for 'first being-food. ' "Eh-h-h-h-hkh . . . my boy! "Owning to the strangeness of their psyche, the intentional suffering and conscious labor specially actualized for them by that Sacred Individual, Saint Buddha, who had been coated with a planetary presence like their own, have ever since hovered in vain over this planet, without producing any of the real results that could have been lawfully expected; but they have engendered only all kinds of pseudo teachings, like those existing there today bearing the names of 'occultism,' 'theosophy,' 'spiritualism,' 'psychoanalysis,' and so on, which, now as before, are simply means for 'obscuring' their psyche, already obscured enough without this. "Needless to say, of the truths indicated by Saint Buddha himself absolutely nothing has survived and reached the beings of the present time. "Half of one of the words he used did, however, manage to reach the contemporary beings of that unparalleled planet. And this half word reached them in the following way.

"Among other things, Saint Buddha explained to the beings of Pearl-land how, and in what part of the bodies of their ancestors, the famous organ kundabuffer had been implanted. "He told them that the Angel Looisos had by a special means made this organ grow at the lower extremity of that brain that Nature had placed in their ancestors as well as in them, along the back, in what is called the 'spinal column. ' "Saint Buddha added, as I also made clear, that, although the properties of this organ had been entirely destroyed in their ancestors, its material formation had remained at the lower extremity of this brain and having been transmitted from generation to generation had also reached them. " 'But this material formation,' he said, 'now has no significance whatsoever and can be completely destroyed in the course of time, if your being-existence proceeds as is becoming to three-centered beings.' "However, when they began wiseacring and inventing all sorts of forms of their famous 'suffering,' they also played one of their usual tricks with the name of this organ. "To begin with, as the root of the second half of this name happened to coincide with a word that in the language of that time meant 'reflection,' and as they had thought up a means for destroying this material formation rapidly—and not in the course of time, as Saint Buddha had advised them— they also wiseacred about this word with their bob-tailed Reason, ruminating as follows: 'Of course when this organ was in action, its name must have contained the root of the word for "reflection," but since we are destroying even its material basis the name should now end with a word whose root means "former And as the word for 'former' in their language was then pronounced 'lina,' they changed the second half of this name, and instead of 'kundabuffer,' they obtained the word 'kundalina.'

"Thus it was that half of the word 'kundabuffer' survived and, passing down from generation to generation, finally reached your contemporary favorites, accompanied of course by a thousand and one different explanations Even the present-day 'learned beings' have a name made up of abstruse Latin roots for that part of the spinal marrow Today the whole of so-called 'Hindu philosophy' is based on this famous 'kundalina,' and around the word itself exist thousands of occult 'sciences,' secret and revealed, which explain absolutely nothing. "And as for the way in which the significance of that part of the spinal marrow is defined by contemporary terrestrial beings, learned in what are called the 'exact sciences,' that, my dear boy, is a profound mystery. "And it became a mystery because several centuries ago this 'definition' suddenly, without rhyme or reason, entered the favorite mole of the famous Scheherazade, which that incomparable Arabian fantasist chanced to have on the right side of her adorable navel. "And there this 'scientific explanation' has been preserved intact down to the present day. "When I was quite convinced that I had succeeded so easily in destroying, perhaps for a long time, that terrible practice of sacrificial offerings among the beings of this group, I decided to stay in Pearl-land no longer, but to return to the Sea of Beneficence and rejoin our ship Occasion. "We were just ready to leave when the idea suddenly occurred to me not to return to the Sea of Beneficence by the way we had come, but by another route quite unusual for those days. "That is to say, I decided to return through the region later called 'Tibet. ' "

CHAPTER 22

Beelzebub in Tibet for the first time

" AS THE ROUTE proposed for the journey through Tibet was very rarely used by the three-brained beings of those days, and we could not count on joining one of their caravans, I had to organize one of my own, and I began at once to make preparations and to lay in all the supplies we would need along the way. "I procured some scores of the quadruped beings called 'horses,' 'mules,' 'donkeys,' 'Chamianian goats,' and so forth, and hired a number of your biped favorites to look after them and to carry out the semiconscious work required for this mode of travel. "As soon as I had got together everything necessary, I set off, accompanied by Ahoon. "This time we passed through still stranger regions, where the nature of that ill-fated planet was even more extraordinary, and we encountered, or rather there came within the field of our vision, a much greater number of the various one-brained and two-brained beings which are called 'wild,' and which at that time came there from remote parts of the continent of Ashhark in order to hunt for prey, that is, to procure their 'first being-food.' "These wild beings were then particularly dangerous, not only for the three-brained beings but also for the quadruped beings that your favorites, with the cunning proper to them, had already made their slaves, compelling them to work solely for the satisfaction of their egoistic needs. And these wild beings were particularly dangerous because just at that period there was being crystallized in their presences, again due to the abnormal conditions of beingexistence estab-

lished by the three-brained beings there, a special function about which I shall tell you at the proper time. "It was chiefly on account of these wild beings that the regions through which our route lay were almost inaccessible to the three-brained beings of that period It was possible for them to pass through these places only, as they say, 'by day,' that is, when in the atmosphere of their planet the process of Aieioiuoa takes place in the active element Okidanokh. "They could travel by day because during this time of the 'krentonalnian' position of their planet in relation to their sun, almost all the wild beings were in the being-state called 'sleep,' that is, in the state in which the energy necessary for their ordinary existence is automatically elaborated in their presences, and this takes place in them during just this time, whereas in threecentered beings, on the contrary, energy is elaborated only when that same sacred process is not occurring in the atmosphere, that is to say, during what they call 'night.' "And so, my boy, your favorites could pass through these places only by day At night great vigilance was required and they had to erect artificial shelters to protect themselves and their 'belongings' from the wild beings, for during that period of the krentonalnian position of the planet Earth these wild beings are wide awake and take their first being-food. "And since by then they had become accustomed to using for this purpose chiefly the planetary bodies of weaker beings of other forms arising on their planet, they would prowl about at night and seize such beings in order to make use of their planetary bodies to satisfy this need. "These wild beings, particularly the smallest ones, were already perfected to the highest degree in wiliness and cunning, of course also owing to the abnormally established conditions of ordinary being-existence of the threebrained

beings there. So all along our route we, and especially those we had hired for the semiconscious work, had to be extremely watchful and alert at night in order to protect ourselves, our quadruped workers, and our supplies. "A pack of wild beings would gather around our camp at night, having come there to pounce on something suitable for their first being-food, they were rather like a' mob of your favorites on the 'floor of the stock exchange,' or at an 'election of representatives' to some society or other whose nominal aim is the common pursuit of a means to a happy existence for all their fellow beings, regardless of their notorious 'castes.' "We kept huge fires burning all night to 'scare away' the wild beings, and our biped workers, although forbidden to do so, destroyed with poisoned 'kilnapara' arrows the ones that came too near our camp Yet not a single night passed without some of what are called 'lions,' 'tigers,' and 'hyenas' carrying off one or more of our quadruped beings, so that their number shrank daily. "It is true, my boy, that this way back to the Sea of Beneficence took us much longer than the way we had come, but what we saw and heard during our journey of the strangeness of the psyche of your favorites fully justified the extra time spent. "We traveled under these conditions for more than a month of their time and finally came upon a small settlement of three-brained beings who, as we learned, had only recently migrated there from Pearl-land The name of this settlement was 'Sincratortsa' and later on, when the surrounding region was populated, this place became its chief center The whole country also came to be known by that name, though afterward the name was changed several times, and it is now called 'Tibet. ' "As we came upon these beings just when night was fall-

ing, we asked them for 'shelter ' And when they gave us permission to stay in their settlement, we were very glad at the prospect of a night's rest, for we were all so exhausted by the constant warfare with the wild beings that it was imperative for us, especially for our biped workers, to spend at least one night in peace. "In the course of the conversation that evening, it transpired that all the beings of this settlement belonged to a sect, well known in Pearl-land under the name of the 'Self-Tamers,' formed by followers of that very religion which, as I have already told you, purported to be based on the direct instructions of Saint Buddha. "In this connection I might mention that the beings of your planet have yet another particularity that long ago became proper to them alone, which consists in this, that no sooner does some new 'havatviernoni,' or 'religion,' arise among them than its followers begin to split up into different camps, and each of these soon forms what is called a 'sect' of its own The strangest thing about this particularity of theirs is that those who belong to such a sect never call themselves 'sectarians,' as the name is considered offensive, they are called this only by those who do not belong to their sect And the adherents of a sect are 'sectarians' for others only as long as they have no 'guns' and 'ships' at their disposal, but as soon as they get hold of enough guns and ships, what had been a particular sectarian doctrine at once becomes the dominant religion. "The beings both of this settlement and of many other districts in Pearlland had become sectarians after having broken away from the religion whose doctrine I had studied in detail, and which later was known as 'Buddhism ' This sect of the Self-Tamers arose owing to that distorted understanding of one of the principles of the Buddhist religion which, as I have already told you, they called 'suffering in

solitude.' And it was in order to give themselves up to this famous 'suffering,' without hindrance from others like themselves, that these beings with whom we spent the night had settled so far away from their own people. "Now, my boy, everything I learned that night and saw the next day of the devotees of that sect made such a painful impression upon me that for many of their 'centuries' I could never recall it without 'shuddering.' And so I should like to tell you in some detail about what I then saw and learned. "During our conversation that evening I learned that while still in Pearlland, before their migration to this isolated place, the leaders of this sect had invented a special form of 'suffering.' They had decided to withdraw to some inaccessible place where other beings, not belonging to their sect and not 'initiated' into its 'arcana,' would be unable to prevent them from inflicting upon themselves this particular form of 'suffering' they had invented. "After a long search, they finally found this place that we had come upon by chance, and saw that it was well suited to their purpose. As they were already solidly organized and materially secure, in the face of great difficulties they migrated with their families to this place, which was almost inaccessible to their ordinary countrymen and which, as I have already said, they named 'Sincratortsa.' "At first, while they were settling down in this new place, they existed more or less in harmony; but when they began actually putting into practice the special form of 'suffering' they had invented, their families, and particularly their wives, having discovered what that form of suffering really was, rebelled and made a great outcry, which resulted in a schism. "This schism had occurred not long before our arrival at Sincratortsa and already small groups were beginning to

migrate to new places that they considered even more suitable for an isolated existence. "For a better understanding of what follows, you will need to know the principal cause of the schism among these sectarians. "It turned out that the leaders of the sect, while they were still in Pearlland, had pledged themselves to withdraw completely from beings like themselves, and to stop at nothing in order to attain liberation from the consequences of the properties of that organ of which the divine teacher, Saint Buddha, had spoken Their pledge committed them to exist in a certain way until their planetary bodies were completely destroyed, in other words, until their death, and the purpose of this special form of existence was to 'purify' what they called their 'souls' of all the alien deposits due to that organ kundabuffer which, as Saint Buddha had told them, their ancestors had once possessed And having freed themselves from these consequences, they would acquire the possibility, as the divine teacher had also said, of reblending with the all-embracing Holy Prana. "But when they had settled down and begun to put into practice this special form of 'suffering,' and their wives on learning its true nature had rebelled, many of these sectarians, under the influence of their wives, declined to carry out the obligations they had assumed in Pearl-land, and as a result they split up into two independent parties. "From then on these sectarians, formerly called the 'Self-Tamers,' began to be called by different names Those who remained faithful to the obligations they had taken upon themselves were called 'Orthodoxhaidooraki,' while those who had renounced certain of the obligations assumed in their native land were called 'Katoshkihaidooraki' At the time of our arrival in Sincratortsa, the sectarians named 'Or-

thodoxhaidooraki' had established, not far from their original settlement, a well-organized 'monastery' where their special form of suffering was in full swing. "The next day, on resuming our journey after a restful night, we passed very near this monastery of the Orthodoxhaidooraki sect of the Buddhist religion. And as it was the hour of day when we usually made a halt to feed our quadruped workers, we asked the monks to allow us to stop for a while in the shelter of their monastery. "Strange and unusual as it may seem, these beings who bore the name of 'monk' did not refuse our objectively just request, but admitted us at once, without any of the swaggering that has become proper there throughout the centuries to monks of all doctrines. Thereupon we unexpectedly found ourselves in the 'holy of holies' of this doctrine, just that sphere which the beings of the planet Earth, from the very beginning, have been so ingenious in hiding from observation. In other words, they become so skillful at wiseacring and making a 'mystery' of something, and then so thoroughly concealing this 'mystery' by all sorts of means, that even beings with Pure Reason cannot penetrate to the heart of it. "The monastery of the Orthodoxhaidooraki sect of the Buddhist religion occupied a large square surrounded by a massive wall, which protected those within from beings of their own kind and from wild beings. In the center of this vast walled enclosure stood a large, solidly built structure that formed the main part of the monastery. In one half of this building the monks carried on their ordinary being-existence; and in the other they practiced those manipula­ tions that were the special feature of the belief of their sect, but which to outsiders were 'arcana.' "Along the inner side of the encircling wall, and built solidly into the wall itself, was a row of small cell-like com-

partments, set close together And it was precisely in the nature of these celllike structures that lay the difference between this monastery and monasteries in general on the planet Earth. "These sentry-box structures were entirely walled in on all sides, except for a small opening near the bottom, through which, with great difficulty, a hand could be thrust It was within these 'cells' that the 'deserving' members of the sect were to be perpetually immured, and there they were to occupy themselves with certain manipulations of what they call their 'emotions' and 'thoughts' until the total destruction of their planetary existence And it was when the wives of these sectarians known as 'Self-Tamers' found out about all this that they raised their great outcry. "In the religious teaching of this sect there was a full explanation of just what manipulations had to be practiced on oneself, and for how long, in order ultimately to merit being immured in one of these 'cells,' there to receive once every twenty-four hours a piece of bread and a small jug of water. "When we were admitted within the walls of that terrible monastery, every one of these monstrous 'cells' was occupied, and the care of the immured, that is, giving them once every twenty-four hours through the tiny opening a piece of bread and a small jug of water, was undertaken with great reverence by other sectarians, themselves candidates for immurement, who while awaiting their turn existed in the large building in the center of the monastery square. "Your immured favorites did indeed remain in those monstrous sepulchers until their motionless and half-starved existence, so full of deprivation, came to an end. "As soon as the companions of the immured learned that one of them had ceased to exist, his planetary body was removed from the improvised sepulcher and at once, in place of the being who had thus destroyed himself, another unfor-

tunate fanatic of that maleficent religious teaching was walled up. And the ranks of these fanatical monks were always being filled with other members of that peculiar sect constantly coming from Pearl-land. "In Pearl-land itself all the adherents of that sect already knew of the existence of this specially convenient place for accomplishing the 'crowning act' of their religious doctrine, which was supposedly based on the exact instructions of Saint Buddha; and in every large center they even had what are called 'agents' to help them get there. "Having rested and fed our biped and quadruped workers, we left behind us that melancholy place of sacrifice to the wretched organ which, according to the ruminations of certain Most High Cosmic Individuals, for some reason or other, had to be implanted in the presence of the former three-brained beings of that ill-fated planet. "Eh-h-h-h-kh . . . my boy," sighed Beelzebub, "as you can imagine, it was scarcely with agreeable sensations or happy reflections that we departed from that place. "Continuing our route toward the Sea of Beneficence, we again passed through a region having high projections of many different forms, with conglomerations of intraplanetary minerals that had erupted to the surface from great depths. "Here I must say something about an exceedingly strange fact I observed concerning that part of the surface of your planet. The first time I passed through this region, now called 'Tibet,' its peaks were, it is true, unusually far above the surface of the Earth, but did not differ particularly from similar elevations on other continents, or on the continent of Ashhark, or Asia, of which Tibet is a part. But during my sixth and last personal sojourn on the planet Earth, when my way took me once more through those memorable re­ gions, I observed that in no more than a few score of their

centuries the whole of this region had projected so far above the rest of the planet that no heights on any of the other continents could even be compared with it "For instance, the principal chain of peaks in the region we were passing through, which the beings there call a 'mountain range,' had in the interval projected so far upward that some of its peaks are to this day the loftiest of all the abnormal projections of that 'vainly long-suffering planet And I dare say that if you climbed one you might perhaps be able, with the aid of a 'teskooano,' to 'distinguish clearly' the opposite side of this peculiar planet "When I first observed that strange phenomenon taking place on your highly original planet, I at once thought that it very likely contained the germ for the arising of some future misfortune on a great cosmic scale Later, when I made a statistical study of that abnormal phenomenon, my first apprehension grew all the more And it grew all the more because in one section of my statistics it was shown that the height of the mountain chain increased from 'decade to decade ' The same section also showed when and how terrestrial 'planetary tremors' or, as your favorites call them, 'earthquakes,' occur as a result of the excessive height of those Tibetan peaks. "Although planetary tremors, or earthquakes, are often provoked in that planet of yours by other intraplanetary disharmonies resulting from the two great transapalnian perturbations, whose causes I will some day explain to you, nevertheless most of the planetary tremors there, especially in recent centuries, have taken place solely on account of those excessive elevations And this is because, due to these excessive elevations, equally disproportionate projections have arisen in the presence of the atmosphere of that planet, in other words, what is called the 'blastegoklornian sphere' of the atmosphere of the Earth has acquired, and in certain

places continues to acquire, a materialized presence that projects too far to permit the 'reciprocal blending of the results' of all the planets of that system Thus, during the movement of the Earth, in the course of the process known as the 'common-system harmony,' its atmosphere 'hooks on,' as it were, at certain times to the atmospheres of other planets or comets of that system And owing to these 'hookings-on,' 'planetary tremors' or 'quakes' occur in corresponding places in the common presence of your planet. "I must also explain to you that the region of the common presence of the planet where these 'tremors' occur depends upon the position occupied by the planet itself in the process of the 'common-system harmonious movement' in relation to other concentrations of the same system. "Be that as it may, if this abnormal growth of the Tibetan mountains continues, sooner or later a catastrophe on a general cosmic scale is inevitable. However, if this menace I perceive becomes evident, the Most High, Most Sacred Cosmic Individuals will no doubt take the proper measures at the proper time. " "Please, please, Your Right Reverence!" interrupted Ahoon, and he rattled off the following: "Allow me to report to Your Right Reverence some information I happened to pick up about the growth of those Tibetan mountains you have deigned to mention Just before our flight from the planet Karatas," continued Ahoon, "I had the pleasure of meeting the Archangel Vilooar, the governor of our solar system, and His Magnificence condescended to recognize me and to speak with me. "Perhaps Your Right Reverence remembers that while we were existing on the planet Zernakoor, His Magnificence the Archangel Vilooar was still an ordinary angel, and often used to drop in to see us. "So, during our conversation when His Magnificence heard me mention the name of the solar system where we

had been exiled, he told me that at the last, most high, most sacred reception of finally reintegrated Cosmic Results, a certain Individual, Saint Lama, had had the privilege, in the presence of all the Sacred Individuals, of personally presenting at the feet of our Endless Uni-Being a petition regarding the abnormal growth of some of the elevations of a planet belonging, apparently, to that solar system And our All-Gracious Endlessness, granting his request, immediately commanded that the Archangel Looisos be sent to that solar system where, as one already familiar with it, he might clarify on the spot the causes of these projections and take appropriate measures. That is why His Conformity the Archangel Looisos is just now hurriedly winding up his current affairs in order to set off for that planet. "Good, good, dear Ahoon," commented Beelzebub, and he added "Thank you for this information Glory be to our Creator' What you have just said will undoubtedly help to destroy the anxiety that arose in my presence when I first noticed the abnormal growth of those Tibetan mountains, namely, my anxiety that the precious memory of our wisest of the wise, the infinitely revered Mullah Nasr Eddin, might completely disappear from the Universe. " Having said this, and allowing his face to assume its customary expression, Beelzebub went on: "We continued our journey through the region now called 'Tibet,' encountering hardships of every kind, and we finally came to the source of the river named 'Keria Chi ' A few days later, sailing down the river to the Sea of Beneficence, we regained our ship Occasion. "After this third descent of mine to the planet Earth I did not go there again in person for a considerable period, nevertheless from time to time I observed these favorites of yours attentively through my big teskooano. "And I did not go there for a long time for the following

reason: soon after returning to Mars, I became interested in an enterprise that the Martian three-brained beings were just then carrying out on the surface of their planet. "To understand what this undertaking was that I became interested in, you must know that the planet Mars is for the system Ors, to which it belongs, a 'mdnel-haootian

link' in

the transformation

of cosmic substances;

consequently it has a 'keskestasantnian firm surface,' that is to say, one half of its surface consists of land presence and the other of 'saliakooriapnian' masses or, as your favorites would say, one half of it is land in one continuous continent, and the other half is covered with water. "So, my boy, as the three-brained beings of the planet Mars use only 'prosphora' or, as your favorites call it, 'bread,' for their first being-food, they always sow 'wheat' on the land half of their planet. But since the wheat derived the moisture it needed for the 'evolving djartklom' only from what is called 'dew,' the yield from one grain of wheat was only a seventh part of the total process of the sacred Heptaparaparshinokh, that is to say, the entire yield was only one-seventh. "As this amount of wheat was insufficient for their needs, and in order to get more they would have to utilize the planetary saliakooriap, the threecentered beings there had been talking ever since our arrival of bringing the necessary quantity of saliakooriap from the opposite side of the planet to the side where their being-existence proceeded. "Several of their years later, they finally decided the question and made the necessary preparations, and just before I returned from the planet Earth they set to work digging special 'canals' for conducting the saliakooriap. "This undertaking, my boy, was extremely complicated, and to carry it out the beings of the planet Mars were constantly inventing all sorts of 'machines' and 'appliances,' among which were many original and ingenious ones, and

as I was always interested in any new invention, I was very much taken by this work. "By the courtesy of those kind Martians I spent nearly all my time at these works, and that is why during this period I very seldom descended to the other planets of that solar system. "Occasionally, however, for a rest, I flew to the planet Saturn to visit Gornahoor Harharkh, who meanwhile had become my real essence-friend, and to whom I am indebted for such a marvel as my big teskooano which, as I have already told you, increases the visibility of remote concentrations 7, 000, 285 times."

CHAPTER 23

The fourth personal sojourn of Beelzebub on the planet Earth BEELZEBUB continued

thus:

"I descended for the fourth time to that planet Earth at the request of

my essence-friend Gornahoor Harharkh.

"First of all I must tell you that when I had become friendly with this Gornahoor Harharkh, I would always, during our 'exchanges of subjective opinion,' share with him my impressions about the strange psyche of the three-centered beings of that planet of yours The result of these conversations was that he too became so interested in your favorites that he even very seriously asked me to keep him informed, if only in a general way, about my observations of them; and thereafter I sent him, just as I did to your uncle Tooilan, copies of all my notes on the particularities of their psyche. "And how Gornahoor Harharkh came to be the cause of this descent of mine occurred in the following way: "As I have just told you, after my third descent to your planet, I occasionally, for a rest, ascended to the planet Saturn to see my friend During these visits I became convinced of his great learning, and one day the idea came to me to invite him to descend to the planet Mars on our ship Occasion, so that there on the spot he might give me the benefit of his knowledge concerning the details of setting up my observatory, which was just then being completed. "Here let me emphasize that if this observatory later became famous, and was in fact the best of all the installations of its kind in the whole Universe, I am indebted chiefly to the learning of this essence-friend of mine. "Well then, when I mentioned this to Gornahoor Harharkh,

without thinking long he agreed, and at once we began considering how to carry out our intention The problem was that the route from the planet Saturn to the planet Mars passed through cosmic spheres that did not correspond to the presence of Gornahoor Harharkh, a being who had as yet only the possibilities for an ordinary planetary existence. "The result of our deliberations was that on the following day his chief assistant began, under his direction, to arrange a special compartment in our ship Occasion, and to equip it with every sort of apparatus for elaborating the substances that make up the atmosphere of the planet Saturn, to which the existence of Gornahoor Harharkh was adapted by Nature. "One 'khrkh-khr-khroo' later, when all these preparations had been completed, we set out on our journey in the direction of the planet Mars, where we arrived safely at my house And there on Mars, which has almost the same atmosphere as the planet Saturn, my essence-friend very soon became acclimatized and began to exist almost as though on his own planet. "It was during his stay on Mars that he devised the 'teskooano,' or 'telescope,' thanks to which my observatory became so famous throughout the whole Universe The teskooano he constructed is indeed a marvel of beingReason, for, as I told you, it increases the visibility of remote cosmic concentrations 7, 000, 285 times, both during certain processes taking place in cosmic substances in the atmospheres surrounding almost all cosmic concentrations and during certain processes which the cosmic 'ethernokrilno' undergoes in interspatial spheres. "With this teskooano I was sometimes able to observe from my house on Mars almost everything taking place on those parts of the surface of other planets of that solar system which, during the process of the 'general system movement,' were at that moment within the field of vision of my observatory.

"Well, my dear boy, one day while Gornahoor Harharkh was staying with me as my guest and we were observing together the existence of those favorites of yours, we happened to notice a fact, which became the subject of a very serious exchange of opinions between us about the three-centered beings of your peculiar planet. "The result of this exchange was that I undertook to descend to the surface of that planet and to bring back to the planet Saturn a number of the beings your favorites call 'apes,' in order to carry out certain experiments with them and elucidate the fact that had astonished us." At this point in his narrative, Beelzebub was brought a "leitoochanbros," that is, a sort of metal plate on which is recorded the text of an etherogram received from somewhere or other, the addressee having only to hold the plate to his organ of auditory perception to hear everything communicated in it. Having listened to the contents of the leitoochanbros, Beelzebub turned to his grandson and said: "You see, my boy, what coincidences occur in our Great Universe This etherogram refers to your favorites in connection with the 'ape-beings' I just mentioned It was sent to me from Mars and informs me, among other things, that the three-centered beings of the planet Earth are once more troubled by the 'ape question. ' "I must first tell you that on account of their abnormal being-existence, there was long ago crystallized and there is periodically intensified in the presence of those peculiar three-brained beings arising and existing on the planet Earth a strange factor, producing from time to time a 'crescendo impulse,' under the action of which they wish to find out at any cost whether they have descended from these apes or the apes have descended from them

"Judging from the etherogram, this time the question is agitating chiefly the biped beings who breed on the continent called 'America. ' "Although this question always troubles them somewhat, every once in a while it becomes for a long time, as they express it, the 'burning question of the day. ' "I remember very well that this 'agitation of mind' over the origin of the apes occurred among them for the first time when their 'center of culture,' as they also like to express it, was the country of Tikliamish The starting point of this 'agitation of mind' was the wiseacring of a certain 'learned being of new formation' named Menitkel. "This Menitkel became a learned being because, in the first place, his childless aunt was an excellent 'matchmaker,' and mixed a great deal with 'power-possessing beings', and because, in the second place, at the age when he was on the threshold of being a responsible being he was given as a birthday present a book entitled Manual of Bon Ton and Love-Letter Writing As he was financially secure and therefore quite free, thanks to an inheritance from his uncle, a former pawnbroker, he compiled, out of boredom, a massive and erudite work about the origin of these apes, in which he 'cooked up' an elaborate theory supported by all kinds of 'logical proof,' but of course such 'logical proof as can be conceived and crystallized only in the Reason of those freaks who have taken your fancy. "This Menitkel then 'proved' by his theory that their 'fellow countrymen,' the apes, were descended from none other than people who had, as they say, 'gone wild ' The other terrestrial beings of that period, as had already become proper to them, believed implicitly this Auntie's darling, without any 'essencecriticism' whatsoever, and from that time on this question, agitating the strange 'Reason' of your favorites, became the subject of disputes and fantasies, right

up until what is called the seventh 'great planetary process of reciprocal destruction.' "Thanks to this maleficent idea there was fixed in the instincts of most of the unfortunates of that period another abnormal so-called 'dictatorial factor,' which began to engender in their common presence the false feeling that these ape-beings were sacred. And this factor, which engendered such a sacrilegious impulse, passed by heredity from generation to generation and reached the instincts of many beings even of the present time. "As for the false notion cooked up by that 'pawnshop progeny,' it held its ground for nearly two of their centuries and became an integral part of the 'Reason' of most of them. But due to various events growing out of the seventh planetary process of reciprocal destruction, which lasted nearly half a century, it gradually faded away and completely disappeared from their common presence. "But when their so-called 'cultured existence' became concentrated on the continent of 'Europe,' and when the time again came around for that peculiar disease known as 'wiseacring' to manifest itself with maximum intensity—for this disease, by the way, had long before become subject to the fundamental cosmic law of Heptaparaparshinokh, according to which its intensity had to fluctuate with a certain periodicity—then, to the grief of three-brained beings of the whole Universe, that 'ape question,' or 'who is descended from whom,' once more arose and having become crystallized again became part of the abnormal 'Reason' of your favorites. "In this instance also, the 'ape question' arose from the stimulus given by a learned being, of course again a 'great' one, but of an altogether 'new formation,' by the name of Darwin. This 'great' scientist, basing his theory on that same logic of theirs, set about 'proving' exactly the opposite of what Menitkel had said, that is, he 'proved' that it was they

themselves who were descended from these Mister Apes. "As for the objective reality of either of the theories of these 'great' terrestrial learned beings, I am reminded of one of the wise sayings of our esteemed Mullah Nasr Eddin: " 'Luck smiled on them both, for they both managed to find the authentic godmother of the incomparable Scheherazade on an old dunghill ' "In any case, bear in mind that for many centuries this question, among others just as ephemeral, has provided material for the kind of thinking your favorites consider the 'highest manifestation of Reason.' "In my opinion your favorites could get a correct answer to this question that always agitates them of how the apes arose, if only they really knew how to apply another of the maxims of our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin, who often used to say: 'The cause of every misunderstanding must be sought in woman. ' "If they had made use of this wise maxim to resolve their enigmatic question perhaps they would have finally discovered the origin of these fellow countrymen of theirs. "As the subject of the genealogy of these apes is indeed exceedingly complicated and unusual, I shall inform your Reason about it from every possible aspect. "The fact is that neither are your favorites descended from apes nor are apes descended from them, but the cause of the arising of these apes is in this case—as in every other misunderstanding there—their women. "First of all I must tell you that none of those terrestrial ape-beings now arising there in various exterior forms ever existed before the second 'transapalnian perturbation', it was only after this disaster that the genealogy of their species began. "The cause of the arising of these 'misconceived' beings

—as well as that of all events more or less serious in the objective sense that occur on the surface of that ill-fated planet—stemmed from two sources totally independent of each other. "The first, as always, was the same lack of foresight on the part of certain Most High, Most Saintly Cosmic Individuals, and the second was, once again, those abnormal conditions of ordinary being-existence established by your favorites themselves. "The point is that during the second transapalnian perturbation, besides the chief continent of Atlantis many other large and small land masses entered within the planet, and new land masses appeared in their place These displacements of various parts of the common presence of this unfortunate planet lasted several of their days, accompanied by frequent planetary tremors and manifestations that could not fail to evoke terror in the consciousness and feelings of beings of every kind. "During that period many of your three-brained favorites who, together with one-brained and two-brained beings of other forms, had chanced to survive unexpectedly found themselves upon other newly formed land masses in places that were entirely unfamiliar to them It was just then that many of these strange 'keschapmartnian' three-brained beings of active and passive sex or, as they say, 'men' and 'women,' were compelled for a number of their years to exist apart, that is to say, without the opposite sex. "Before continuing to relate how all this occurred, I must tell you in a little more detail about that sacred substance which is the final result of the evolving transformations of every kind of being-food and is formed in the presence of every being without distinction of 'brain system ' This sacred substance, elaborated in the presence of beings of every

kind, is almost everywhere called 'exioëhary,' but your favorites on the planet Earth call it 'sperm. ' "Through the all-gracious foresight and command of our Common Father Creator and according to the actualization of Great Nature, this sacred substance arises in the presence of all beings, without distinction of brain system or exterior coating, in order that by its means they may consciously or automatically fulfill that part of their being-duty which consists in the continuation of their species But in the presence of three-brained beings it also arises in order that they may consciously transform it for coating their higher being-bodies for their own being. "Before the second transapalnian perturbation there, which the contemporary three-brained beings refer to as the 'loss of the continent of Atlantis,' in the period when various consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer had already begun to be crystallized in their presence, a being-impulse was gradually formed in them which later became predominant. "This impulse is now called 'pleasure', and in order to satisfy it they were already beginning to exist in a manner unbecoming to three-centered beings, that is to say, most of them gradually began to remove this sacred beingsubstance from themselves for the satisfaction of this impulse alone. "Well, my boy, from then on most of the three-brained beings of the planet Earth were not content to carry out the process of the removal of this substance, which is continuously elaborated in them, only at those periods normally established by Great Nature for beings in accordance with their organization, for the purpose of the continuation of their species Owing to this, and also to the fact that most of them had ceased to utilize this substance consciously for coating their higher being-bodies, it came about that when

they did not remove it from themselves in ways that by then had become mechanical, they naturally experienced a sensation called 'sirklinimana,' a state they describe as 'feeling out of sorts,' and which is invariably accompanied by what is called 'mechanical suffering.' "Remind me at some opportune moment about those periods fixed by Nature for the normal process of the utilization of the exioëhary by beings of different brain-systems for the continuation of their species, and I shall explain this to you in detail. "Well then, they like ourselves are only 'keschapmartnian' beings, and when this sacred substance, continuously and inevitably formed in them, is utilized normally for the continuation of their species by means of the sacred process 'elmooarno,' its removal from their presences must be accomplished exclusively with the opposite sex. But these three-brained beings who by chance had escaped disaster were no longer in the habit of utilizing this substance for coating their higher being-bodies and, as they were already existing in a manner unbecoming to three-brained beings, when they were obliged to exist for several of their years without beings of the opposite sex, they turned to various antinatural means for the removal from themselves of this sacred substance, exioëhary. "The beings of the male sex had recourse to the antinatural means called 'moordoorten' and 'androperasty' or, as the contemporary beings would say, 'onanism' and 'pederasty,' and these antinatural means fully satisfied them. "But for the three-brained beings of the 'passive sex' or, as they call them, 'women,' these antinatural means were not sufficiently satisfying, and so the poor 'women-orphans' of that time, already more cunning and inventive than the men, began to seek out beings of other forms and accustom them to be their 'partners.' Well then, it was after these 'partnerships' that there began to appear in our Great Uni-

verse those species of beings which, as our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin would say, are 'neither fish nor fowl.' "As regards the possibility of this abnormal blending of two different kinds of exioëhary for the conception and formation of a new planetary body of a being, it is necessary to give you the following explanation: "On the planet Earth, as on other planets of our Universe where 'keschapmartnian' beings breed and exist—that is, three-brained beings in whom the formation of the sacred exioëhary for the creation of a new being must take place exclusively in the presences of two beings of distinct, independent sexes—the fundamental difference between the sacred exioëhary formed in the presences of beings of opposite sexes, that is, in men and women, consists in this, that in the exioëhary formed in the presences of beings of the male sex, the localized 'holy affirming' or 'positive' force of the sacred Triamazikamno participates, while in the exioëhary formed in beings of the female sex there participates the localized 'holy denying' or 'negative' force of the same sacred law. "Thanks to the all-gracious foresight and command of our Father of everything existing in the Universe, and in accordance with the actualizing power of Great Mother Nature, in certain surrounding conditions and with the participation of the third separately localized holy force of the sacred Triamazikamno, namely, with the 'holy reconciling' force, the blending of the exioëhary formed in two separate beings of distinct, independent sexes during the process of the sacred 'elmooarno' taking place between them brings about the arising of a new being. "In the case I was speaking of, the abnormal blending of two heterogeneous kinds of exioëhary was possible only by virtue of a certain cosmic law known as the 'affinity of the numbers of the totality of vibrations,' which began to act

owing to the second transapalnian perturbation on this ill-fated planet, and which then still continued to act on its common presence. "Concerning this cosmic law, it is important to tell you that it arose and began to exist in the Universe after the fundamental sacred law of Triamazikamno had been modified by our Creator in order to render the Heropass harmless, and after its holy parts, until then entirely independent, had become dependent upon forces from outside. But, my boy, you will understand this cosmic law in all its aspects only when I shall explain in detail, as I have promised you, all the fundamental laws of world-creation and world-existence. "Meanwhile, you should know that on normally existing planets anywhere in our Great Universe the exioëhary formed in the presence of a three-brained being having organs of perception and transformation for localizing the 'holy affirming' force of the sacred Triamazikamno, in other words, the exioëhary formed in a three-brained keschapmartnian being of the 'male' sex, can never be blended— owing to that same law—with the exioëhary formed in the presence of a two-brained keschapmartnian being of the opposite sex. "On the other hand, when a special combination of cosmic forces occurs and this same law of the 'affinity of the numbers of the totality of vibrations' begins to act, the exioëhary formed in a three-brained keschapmartnian being of the 'female' sex can sometimes, in certain surrounding conditions, blend quite well with the exioëhary formed in two-brained keschapmartnian beings of the male sex, but only as the active factor in the actualizing process of the fundamental sacred Triamazikamno. "In short, during those terrible years on that planet of yours, a phenomenon very rare in the Universe appeared, that is,

a blending of the exioëhary of two keschapmartnian beings of different brain systems and of opposite sexes, and the result was the arising of the ancestors of these terrestrial 'misconceived' beings now called 'apes,' who give your fa­ vorites no peace, and from time to time so agitate their strange Reason. "But when this terrible period was over, a relatively normal process of ordinary existence was reestablished on your planet, and your favorites of different sexes again began to find each other and exist together, and thereafter those 'ape-beings' actualized the continuation of their species among themselves. "And this continuation of their species was possible because the conception for the arising of the first of these abnormal beings had taken place according to the same external conditions that in general determine the presences of future keschapmartnian beings of active or passive sex. "The most interesting result of this highly abnormal manifestation of the three-brained beings of your planet is that there now exist a great many species of the descendants of these ape-beings, differing in exterior form, and each of these different species bears a striking resemblance to some form of two-brained quadruped being still in existence there. "This came about because the blending of the exioëhary of the keschapmartnian three-brained beings of the female sex, which brought about the arising of the ancestors of those apes, proceeded with the active exioëhary of the various species of quadruped beings that exist there even until today. "Indeed, my boy, during my last personal stay on the planet Earth, when I happened in the course of my travels to come across the various species of apes and, in accordance with a habit that has become second nature, I observed them, I ascertained definitely that the whole of their outer func-

tioning and the so-called 'automatic postures' of each 'species' of these contemporary apes are exactly like those in the common presence of certain normally arisen quadruped beings there, and their 'facial features' are even exactly the same as those of particular quadrupeds As for the 'psychic features' of all the different species of these apes, they are absolutely identical, even down to minute details, with those of the psyche of the threebrained beings of the 'female sex' there. " At this point in his tales Beelzebub became silent. After a long pause he looked at his favorite Hassein with a smile that clearly expressed a double meaning. Then, still smiling, he said: "The text of the etherogram I have just received also indicates that this time, in order to settle once and for all who is descended from whom—they from the apes or the apes from them—these freaks, your favorites, have decided to carry out 'scientific experiments', and several of them have already left for the continent of Africa, where many of these apes breed, with the object of bringing back the number required for these 'scientific investigations' of theirs. "To Judge by this etherogram, the beings of the planet Earth who have taken your fancy are once again up to their usual 'tricks. ' "From all I have learned about them during my observations, I foresee that this 'scientific experiment' will unquestionably arouse the serious interest of the rest of your favorites, and will for a time serve their strange Reason as material for endless discussion and argument. And all this will be quite in the order of things there. "Concerning the 'scientific experiment' itself which they propose to carry out with the apes brought from Africa, I can say in advance with certainty that, at any rate, the first part of it will succeed with flying colors

"And it will succeed because the apes themselves, issuing from what is called a 'titillarian result,' are by nature very fond of occupying themselves with titillation, and before the day is out will no doubt play their part and enthusiastically assist your favorites in this 'scientific experiment.' "As for the beings who propose to carry out this experiment, and as for any benefit to be derived from it by the other three-brained beings there, you can get a good idea of the whole thing if you remember the profoundly wise saying of our honorable Mullah Nasr Eddin 'Happy is the father whose son is busy even with murder and robbery, for then he will have no time to teach him titillation. "It seems, my boy, that I have not yet told you why and by whom, ever since I left the solar system Ors, I have been kept informed by etherogram of the most important events taking place on its various planets, and also of course on your planet Earth. "You remember that my first descent in person to the surface of that planet of yours was made on account of one of the young beings of our tribe, who afterward did not wish to stay there any longer but returned with us to the planet Mars, where he later became an excellent governor of the beings of our tribe dwelling on that planet, and eventually of all the beings of our tribe who, for one reason or another, still dwell on certain planets of the system Ors. "Well then, my boy, when I left that solar system, I made him a gift of my famous observatory with everything in it, and in gratitude for this he promised to report to me once a year, according to the time calculation of the planet Mars, all the important events occurring on the planets of that system And so he keeps me accurately informed of the most important events on all the planets on which there is a being-existence, and, knowing my great interest in the three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth, he does his

best, as is clearly evident, to send me information concerning all their manifestations, thus keeping me constantly in touch with the whole process of ordinary existence of these three-brained beings, although I am now inaccessibly remote, even for their featherweight thoughts. "This governor of our beings gathers all his information about the threebrained beings of the planet Earth either from his own observations through the great teskooano I left him, or from reports communicated to him by those three beings of our tribe who chose to remain forever on the planet Earth, all three of whom at the present time on the continent of Europe have substantial enterprises of their own—indispensable for everyone existing there under the prevailing conditions. "One of them has an 'undertaker's business' in one of the large cities, the second, in another large city, runs a 'bureau for marriage and divorce', and the third is the proprietor of a network of agencies founded in various cities for what is called 'currency exchange. ' "However, my boy, owing to this etherogram, I have wandered a long way from my original tale. Let us go back to our former theme. "Well then, on this fourth flight of mine to the planet Earth our ship Occasion alighted on the sea called the 'Red Sea ' And we alighted on this sea because it washed the eastern shores of the continent of Grabontzi, now called 'Africa,' where I wished to go, and where the ape-beings I needed then bred in greater numbers than on any of the other land masses on the surface of your planet, and also because this sea was particularly convenient for mooring our ship Occasion, but above all because it bordered the country known as 'Nilia,' now called 'Egypt,' where at that period those beings of our tribe existed who wished to remain on

that planet, and upon whose help I was relying to collect the apes. "Having alighted on the Red Sea, we left our ship Occasion and reached the shore by 'hippodrenekakh', and afterward, on camels, we came to the city where our beings existed, then the capital of the future Egypt. This capital city was called 'Thebes.' "On the very day of my arrival in the city of Thebes, one of the beings of our tribe there told me, among other things, that the Earth-beings of that locality had devised a new system for observing other cosmic concentrations from their planet, and in order to put it into effect were then building the required structures, and, as everybody was saying, this new system offered advantages and possibilities hitherto unparalleled on the Earth. "When he had told me all he had seen with his own eyes, I at once became greatly interested, for from his account of certain details of this new construction it seemed to me that these terrestrial beings had perhaps found a way of overcoming a difficulty to which I myself had just been giving a great deal of thought while completing the building of my observatory on the planet Mars. "And so I decided to postpone for a while my original intention of immediately going farther south on that continent to collect the apes I needed, and to go instead to the place where those structures were being erected, in order to find out all about it for myself. "Well then, the day after my arrival in the city of Thebes, I took as guide one of the beings of our tribe who had many friends there, among them the chief builder of those structures, and accompanied of course by our faithful Ahoon, I traveled this time on what is called a 'choorteteff' down that great river now known as the 'Nile.'

"Near the place where this river flowed into a large saliakooriapnian area, those great artifacts were just being completed, certain parts of which especially interested me. "The district where the work was being carried on—both for this new 'observatory,' as they called it, and for other buildings designed for the welfare of their being-existence —was then named 'Avazlin'; a few years later it came to be called 'Caironana,' and today it is referred to simply as the 'outskirts of Cairo.' "These great artifacts were begun long before my fourth flight to the Earth by one of their 'pharaohs'—a title given to their kings by the beings of that region—and at the time of my first visit to this place they were being completed by his grandson, also a pharaoh. "Although the observatory that interested me was not quite finished, observations of the visibility of cosmic concentrations could be made from it, and the results issuing from these concentrations as well as the reciprocal action of these results could be studied. "At that period on the Earth the beings occupied with such observations and studies were called 'astrologers.' But later, when that psychic disease of your favorites called 'wiseacring' was finally fixed in them, and these specialists 'shriveled and shrank,' becoming 'specialists' only in giving names to remote cosmic concentrations, they came to be called 'astronomers.' "The difference in value and significance for the beings around them between the professionals of that time and those who supposedly follow the same occupation today may show you the extent of the decline that has steadily taken place in the crystallization of data engendering 'sane logical mentation,' which your favorites as three-brained beings ought to have in their common presence; I therefore find

it necessary to explain this change for the worse, and help you reach an approximate understanding of it. "At that period, the terrestrial three-brained beings of responsible age called 'astrologers,' besides making observations and investigations of various other cosmic concentrations for the purpose of a more detailed study of the branch of general learning they represented, took upon themselves several other definite essence-obligations toward their fellow beings. "One of their fundamental obligations was to advise, as our 'zirlikners' do, all the conjugal pairs in their 'flock,' according to their types, about the time and form of the process of the sacred 'elmooarno' for the purpose of a de­ sirable and corresponding conception of their results And when these results were actualized or, as they say, 'new-born,' the astrologers had to draw up for each of them an 'oblekioonerish,' that is, what your favorites call a 'horoscope ' And from then on they or their deputies guided those young beings during the whole period of their formation up to responsible age, as well as during their responsible existence itself, giving them corresponding indications on the basis of the oblekioonerish and of the cosmic laws, constantly explained by them, relating to the action of the results of other large cosmic concentrations on the process of being-existence on all planets. "These indications and, so to speak, 'warning counsels' of theirs consisted in the following: "As soon as a function became disharmonized in the presence of any being, or was only just beginning to be so, he would apply to the astrologer of his district, who, on the basis of the oblekioonerish and of the variations expected according to calculation in the atmospheric processes caused by the action of other planets of their solar system, would indicate just what the disharmonized being should do with

his planetary body at certain definite periods of the krentonalnian movement of that planet, as for instance, in what direction to lie down, how to breathe, what movements it was preferable to make, with which types of beings to avoid relations, and many other things of this kind. "Besides all this, the astrologers assigned to the beings of their flock in the seventh year of their existence, again on the basis of their oblekioonerish, corresponding mates of the opposite sex for the purpose of fulfilling one of the chief being-duties, that is, the continuation of the species or, as your favorites would say, they assigned them 'husbands' and 'wives.' "Justice must be done to your favorites of that period as long as these astrologers existed among them, they followed their counsels very strictly and entered into conjugal unions only according to their indications. "Therefore, at that period, in regard to their conjugal unions they always corresponded to each other according to their types, just as they do on all other planets inhabited by keschapmartnian beings Far as they were from knowing many trogoautoegocratic cosmic truths, the ancient terrestrial astrologers made these matches successfully because they had at least a thorough knowledge of the laws governing the influence of the different planets of their solar system on the beings breeding on their own planet, that is, the influence of these planets on a being at the moment of his conception, for further development as well as for his complete attainment of the being of a responsible being. "Thanks to the practical knowledge acquired over many centuries and transmitted from generation to generation, they knew which types of the passive sex corresponded to which types of the active sex. Thus the pairs chosen according to the indications of the astrologers nearly always turned out to be corresponding, which is the opposite of

what happens there today when your favorites are united in conjugal pairs who almost never correspond in type; so that throughout their entire existence about half of the so-called 'inner life' of these couples is spent on what our esteemed Mullah Nasr Eddin expresses in one of his sayings: " 'What a good husband he is, and what a good wife she is, whose whole inner world is not taken up with the constant nagging of the other half!' "In any case, my boy, if these astrologers had continued to exist and practice there, they surely would have acquired such experience that the existence of the beings of this unfortunate planet would gradually have come to bear some resemblance, at least in their family relations, to that of similar beings on other planets of our Great Universe. But this beneficial practice, established in the process of their existence, your favorites have thrown—as they have all their other good attainments, without even having had time to make real use of it—to the 'gluttonous swine' of our venerable Mullah Nasr Eddin. "As usually happens there, these astrologers began gradually to 'shrink,' and finally, as is said, they 'vanished.' "After the function of the astrologers had been abolished, other professionals in the same field appeared in their place, but this time from among the 'learned beings of new formation,' who also began to observe and study, as it were, the results issuing from the various large cosmic concentra­ tions and their influence on the existence of the beings of their planet. But as the ordinary beings around them soon noticed that their 'observations' and 'studies' consisted merely in inventing names for various remote suns and planets—meaning nothing to them—among the milliards in the Universe, and in supposedly measuring, by a method known to these professionals alone, the distances between

the cosmic points seen from their planet through those 'playthings' of theirs, which they also call 'telescopes,' they gave them, as I have already told you, the name of 'astronomers. ' "Now that we have mentioned these contemporary 'ultra-fantasists,' so highly esteemed by your favorites, it will do no harm to enlighten your Reason as to their real significance. "First of all, my boy, you should know about the existence of a 'something' that is actualized for these terrestrial types, as it is in general for every cosmic unit, and that serves for beings with Objective Reason as an 'initiating factor' for comprehending the sense and meaning of any cosmic result This 'something,' which serves as an 'initiating factor' in evaluating the significance of these contemporary terrestrial beings, is a wiseacring 'map'— named by them, of course unconsciously, an 'inventory of the heavenly spaces. ' "There is no need to draw any other logical conclusion about this 'initiating factor' actualized specially for them, the very name of this map of theirs is enough to show that its designations can only be relative With the means at their disposal, even though they rack their 'esteemed brains' in devising names and calculating various measurements, your favorites can see only those suns and planets that, fortunately for them, do not change too rapidly the course of their falling in relation to their own planet, thus making it possible for them over long periods of time—long, of course, as compared with the brevity of their own existence—to observe and, as they pompously put it, 'mark down their positions.' "In any case, my boy, whatever may result from the activities of these contemporary representatives of 'science,' please don't hold it against them. If they bring no good at all to your favorites, at least they do them no great harm After all, they have to be occupied with something. "It is not for nothing that they wear spectacles made in

Germany and special smocks sewn in England Let them be! Let them be occupied with this, God bless them! "Otherwise, like most of the other freaks there who are concerned, as they say, with 'higher matters,' they will, out of boredom, busy themselves with the struggle of 'five against one ' And everyone knows that beings who are occupied with this exercise always radiate vibrations very harmful for those around them. "Well enough! . . .Let us leave these contemporary titillators in peace and return once more to our interrupted theme. "I think, my boy, that before I continue to speak about the observatory and other structures erected for the welfare of the being-existence of your favorites, you should know that the 'conscious power' of the three-brained beings manifested in the creation of those great artifacts that I saw with my own eyes—unparalleled before and after that period—was also a result of the attainments of ordinary three-brained beings, members of the learned Society of Akhldanns, which was formed on the continent of Atlantis before the second great terrestrial catastrophe, and so it will be appropriate if I first tell you, even though briefly, the history of the arising of that truly great learned society. "It is absolutely necessary to inform you of this history, because in the course of my further explanations about those three-brained beings of the planet Earth who have taken your fancy I shall probably have to refer more than once to that society of learned beings. "And I must tell you about the history of its arising and existence so that you may realize that if something is attained by the three-brained beings on your planet thanks to their being-partkdolgduty'—that is to say, their conscious labor and intentional suffering—not only are these attainments utilized by them for the welfare of their own being but also,

as with us, a certain part of these attainments is transmitted by heredity and becomes the property of their direct descendants. "You can perceive this law-conformable result in the fact that, although abnormal conditions of ordinary being-existence had begun to be established even before the disappearance of the continent of Atlantis, and although after the second great catastrophe they worsened to such an extent that the ableness to manifest the possibilities proper to the presence of three-brained beings was soon totally crushed in them, nevertheless, at least part of their scientific attainments passed by inheritance, even though mechanically, to their remote posterity. "I must first tell you that I learned about the history of this society through what are called 'teleoghinaras,' also found in the atmosphere of your planet Earth As you probably do not yet know exactly what a 'teleoghinara' is, try to transubstantiate in the corresponding parts of your common presence the information concerning this cosmic actualization. "A 'teleoghinara' is a materialized idea or thought, which after its arising exists almost eternally in the atmosphere of the planet where it appeared. " 'Teleoghinaras' can be formed from being-contemplation of a quality such as only those three-brained beings have and can actualize who have coated in their presences their higher being-bodies, and have brought the perfecting of the Reason of these higher being-parts up to the degree of the sacred 'Martfotai ' And a sequence of being-ideas materialized in this way concerning a given event is called a 'korkaptilnian thought-tape.' "The 'korkaptilnian thought-tapes' concerning the arising of the learned Society of Akhldanns were, as I found out much later, intentionally fixed by a certain eternal Individual, Asoochilon, now a saint, who became coated in the common presence of a three-brained being named Tetetos,

who arose on the continent of Atlantis and existed there four centuries before the second great transapalnian perturbation. "These 'korkaptilnian thought-tapes' are never destroyed as long as the given planet remains in the same 'tempo of movement' as at the moment of their arising, and they are subject to none of those transformations, whatever the cosmic cause, to which all other cosmic substances and crystallizations are periodically subject And however long a time may have passed, every threebrained being who has acquired in his presence the ableness to enter into the being-state called 'soorptakalknian contemplation' can perceive these 'korkaptilnian thought-tapes' and become aware of their contents' "And so, my boy, I myself learned the details of the arising of the Society of Akhldanns partly from the texts of these 'teleoghinaras' and partly from numerous data I gathered much later when I made my usual detailed investigations concerning a highly important fact that interested me From these two sources of information it became evident to me that this learned Society of Akhldanns, which arose on the continent of Atlantis and was composed of three-brained beings of the Earth, was founded 735 years before the second transapalnian perturbation. "It was founded on the initiative of a being there named Belcultassi, who was able to bring the perfecting of his highest being-part to the Being of a Sacred Eternal Individual, and this highest part of his now dwells on the Holy Planet Purgatory. "In the course of my investigation of all the inner and outer being-impulses and manifestations that led this Belcultassi to form that truly great society of ordinary three-brained beings—'envied' in its day throughout the whole Universe as 'worthy of imitation'—it appeared that one day while this future Sacred Individual was engaged in contem-

plation, according to the practice of every normal being, and by association his thoughts were concentrated on himself, that is, on the meaning and aim of his existence, he suddenly sensed and cognized that the functioning of the whole of him had been proceeding until then not as it should have proceeded according to sane logic. "This unexpected realization shocked him so profoundly that thereafter he devoted the whole of himself exclusively to becoming able at any cost to unravel this and understand it. "First of all, he decided to attain without delay the 'potency' that would give him the force and the possibility to be absolutely sincere with himself, that is, to be able to overcome those impulses which had become habitual in the functioning of his common presence from the many heterogeneous associations arising in him from all sorts of accidental shocks, coming from outside and also engendered within, namely, the impulses called 'self-love,' 'pride,' 'vanity,' and so on. "And when, after incredible what are called 'organic' and 'psychic' efforts, he had attained this, he began, without mercy for these being-impulses that had become inherent in his presence, to think and recall just which beingimpulses had arisen in him on just what occasions in the course of his past existence, and how he had, consciously or unconsciously, reacted to them. "Analyzing himself in this manner, he began to recall exactly which impulses had provoked this or that reaction in his 'independently spiritualized' parts, that is, in his body, in his feelings, and in his thoughts, and the state of his essence when he reacted to something more or less attentively, and how and when, in consequence of such reactions, he had manifested consciously with his 'I' or had acted automatically under the direction of his instinct alone.

"And it was then that this bearer of the future Sacred Individual, Belcultassi, having in this way recalled all his former perceptions, experiencings, and manifestations, clearly realized that his external manifestations did not correspond at all either to his perceptions or to the definite impulses formed in him. "He then began to make similar sincere observations of impressions— coming from without as well as from within—at the very moment they were perceived by his common presence, and he made all these observations with the same exhaustive, conscious verifications of how these impressions were perceived by each of his spiritualized parts, when and how they were experienced by the whole of his presence, and for what manifestations they became the impulses. "These conscious observations and impartial verifications at last convinced Belcultassi that in his common presence something was proceeding not as it should proceed according to sane being-logic. "As it became clear to me during my further detailed investigations, although Belcultassi had become convinced of the accuracy of his observations of himself, he doubted the validity of his own sensations and understanding, and even the normality of his own psychic organization He therefore set himself the task of verifying first of all whether he was in general normal in sensing and understanding everything in this way and not otherwise. "To carry out this task, he decided to find out whether others sensed and cognized things in the same way he did. With this aim he began inquiring among his friends and acquaintances, trying to learn from them how they sensed all this, and how they cognized their perceptions and manifestations, both past and present—doing so of course very

discreetly, to avoid touching those impulses inherent in them of self-love, pride, and so on. "Thanks to his inquiries, Belcultassi gradually succeeded in evoking sincerity in his friends and acquaintances, and as a result he learned that they all sensed and saw everything in themselves the same way that he did. "Now among these friends and acquaintances of his were several serious beings not yet entirely enslaved by the action of the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, and they also, having penetrated to the gist of the matter, became very deeply interested in it, and continued to verify what proceeded in themselves and independently to observe those around them. "Shortly afterward, again on the initiative of Belcultassi, they began to meet together from time to time to share their observations and findings. As a result of prolonged verifications, observations, and impartial conclusions, this entire group of terrestrial beings became absolutely convinced, as Belcultassi was, that they were not as they ought to be. "A little later many other beings who also had such a presence joined their group. And still later they founded the society which they named the 'Society of Akhldanns.' "The word 'akhldann' then expressed the following concept: 'the striving to become aware of the sense and aim of the Being of beings.' "From the day of the founding of this society, Belcultassi himself stood at its head, and the activities of its members were carried out under his general guidance. For many of their years the society existed under the same name, and its members were called 'Akhldannsovors'; but later, when for purposes of a general character they divided up into a number of independent groups, the members came to be called by the names of their different groups.

"And this division into groups took place for the following reason: "When the members of the society had become definitely convinced that there was something very undesirable in their presence, they began to search for every possible means of achieving its removal from themselves, in order to become able to be what they ought to have been according to sane logic, and thus to correspond to the sense and aim of their existence, the elucidation of which they had determined to carry out at any cost as the very basis of their task But when they began to put into practice this task decided on by their Reason, they soon realized that in order to fulfill it they must first collect more detailed information in various special branches of knowledge. "And as it proved impossible for each of them individually to acquire all the necessary specialized knowledge, they divided up for convenience into a number of groups, so that each group could study one of the special branches of knowledge required for their common aim. "Here you should note, my boy, that it was then that genuine Objective Science arose there for the first time, and developed normally until the second great catastrophe to their planet—certain of its branches even developing at an unprecedented rate Consequently, during that period many objective cosmic truths, great and small, gradually became evident to those three-brained beings who have taken your fancy. "The members of this first, and perhaps last, great terrestrial learned society were then divided into seven independent groups or 'sections,' and each of these sections received a specific designation. "The members of the first group of the Akhldann Society were called 'Akhldann-fokhsovors,' which meant that they

studied the presence of their own planet and the reciprocal action of its separate parts. "The members of the second section were called 'Akhldann-strassovors,' and this meant that they studied the 'radiations' of all the other planets of their solar system and the reciprocal action of these radiations. "The members belonging to the third section were called 'Akhldann­ metrosovors,' which meant beings occupied with the study of that branch of knowledge similar to our 'silkoornano,' corresponding in part to what your contemporary favorites call 'mathematics.' "The members of the fourth group were called 'Akhldann-psychosovors,' a name designating those members of the society who made observations of the perceptions, experiencings, and manifestations of beings like themselves— observations that they verified statistically. "The members of the fifth group were called 'Akhldann-harnosovors,' which meant that they were occupied with the study of the branch of knowledge that combined the two contemporary terrestrial sciences called by your favorites 'chemistry' and 'physics.' "The members belonging to the sixth section were called 'Akhldann­ mistessovors,' that is to say, beings who studied all kinds of outer events, whether actualized consciously or arising by themselves, and further studied which of these events were erroneously perceived by beings, and in what circumstances. "And as regards the members of the seventh and last group, they were called 'Akhldann-gezpoodjnisovors.' These members of the Akhldann Society devoted themselves to the study of those manifestations of the three-brained beings of their planet proceeding in them not as a result of various functionings coming from impulses of different kinds engendered by data already present in them, but as a

result of cosmic influences coming from outside and not depending on the beings themselves. "The three-brained beings of your planet who became members of this society actually approached Objective Knowledge to a degree that had never been reached before and perhaps will never be reached again. "And here it is impossible not to express regret that, to the great misfortune of the terrestrial three-brained beings of all later epochs, just at the moment when, after incredible being-efforts by the members of that great society, the required tempo of work had finally been established—both with regard to the conscious discernment of themselves and the unconscious preparation for the welfare of their descendants—just at the height of all their efforts, as I said, certain of them ascertained that something serious was soon to befall their planet. "In order to determine the character of the serious event they anticipated, they dispersed over the whole planet and, shortly afterward, as you already know, the second transapalnian perturbation occurred to that ill-fated planet of yours. "Well then, my boy, after this catastrophe, a number of the members of that great learned society who had survived gradually came together again and, having lost their native land, first settled with other surviving beings in the center of the continent of Grabontzi, but later, when they had somewhat come to themselves after this 'cataclysm not according to law,' they jointly decided to try to reestablish their society and perhaps to resume and fulfill in practice all the tasks that had formed its basis Unfortunately, on that part of the surface of the continent of Grabontzi the abnormal conditions of being-existence already established before the

catastrophe had by this time begun to 'boil furiously'; and so these surviving members of the Akhldann Society looked for another place on that continent for their permanent existence more suitable for carrying on their work, which demanded complete seclusion. "They found a suitable place in the valley of the large river flowing northward on that continent and they all migrated there with their families, in order to continue in seclusion to fulfill the tasks undertaken by their society. "The entire region through which this great river flowed they first named 'Sakronakari.' This name was afterward changed several times and today that region is called 'Egypt,' while the great river then known as 'Nipilhooatchi,' is now, as I have already said, called the 'Nile.' "Not long after these former members of the learned Society of Akhldanns had settled on this part of the surface of the planet Earth, all the beings of our tribe then existing on that planet migrated to the same place. The relationship of the beings of our tribe with that part of the surface of your planet, and also with those former members of the Society of Akhldanns who by chance had survived, came about as follows. "I once told you that, just before the second transapalnian perturbation, our 'pythoness' during a prophecy had insisted that for the continuation of their existence on that planet all the beings of our tribe should migrate without delay to a definite part of the same continent, now called 'Africa.' The part of the continent indicated by the 'pythoness' lay near the source of the river Nipilhooatchi, and the beings of our tribe existed there during the whole of the second transapalnian perturbation and also later, when things became relatively normal and most of the surviving terrestrial beings had almost forgotten the catastrophe, and had again formed—just as if nothing had happened to them—one of their famous 'centers of culture' in the very heart of the future

Africa. And while the former members of the Society of Akhldanns were looking for a suitable place for their permanent existence, they chanced to meet several beings of our tribe, who advised them to migrate farther down the same river. "Our friendly relations with many of the former members of the Society of Akhldanns had begun on the continent of Atlantis and went back almost to the founding of that society Do you remember, I told you that when I descended to that planet for the first time, the beings of our tribe were assembled in the city of Samlios in order, with my participation, to find some way out of the difficult situation that had been created? Well then, those general meetings of ours were held in one of the chapter halls of the principal 'cathedral' of the Society of Akhldanns, and from that time on good relations were established between the beings of our tribe and certain members of that society. "And there, in the future Egypt, where both of these groups of beings had migrated as I have described, the relations of the beings of our tribe with those former members who had by chance survived, and also with their descendants, lasted without interruption almost until the departure of our tribe from your planet. "The hope of the few surviving members of the Society of Akhldanns that they would be able to revive the society and carry out its tasks was not fulfilled Nevertheless, thanks to them alone, there was preserved in the presence of the beings of several generations after the loss of Atlantis the sense and 'instinctive conviction' of the need for what is called 'completed personal being. "It was also thanks to them that certain attainments of the Reason of the three-brained beings there survived as long as their Reason remained normal, and after a while began to be transmitted mechanically from generation to generation,

reaching the beings of quite recent periods and even certain beings of the present day. "Among the results of the scientific attainments of the members of the Akhldann Society, transmitted by inheritance, were also unquestionably those imposing and ingenious 'structures' that, during the fourth descent of mine to your planet, I saw being erected by the beings breeding on that part of the present Africa. "Although, when I saw this new observatory with my own eyes, the expectations I had formed about it from everything our countrymen had told me were not justified, nevertheless this observatory and the other architectural works of the beings of that region proved to be exceedingly ingenious, and aroused in my common presence data that enriched my consciousness with a great deal of productive information. "So that you may clearly represent to yourself and understand how these structures were erected by the three-brained beings of this region for the welfare of their being-existence it will be enough, I think, if I explain to you in as great detail as possible how the particularity of their ingenious and practical inventions was manifested in this new observatory, on account of which I had decided to visit that place. "To begin with, I must inform you of two facts related to the change in the common presence of these three-brained beings who have taken your fancy. "The first fact is that at the beginning, while they were still existing normally in a manner becoming to all three-brained beings in general and while they still had what is called 'olooestesnokhnian sight,' they could perceive with their own eyes the visibility of all great and small cosmic concentrations existing beyond them during any process of the Omnipresent Okidanokh taking place in their atmosphere up to a distance proper to the vision of ordinary three-brained beings.

"Moreover, those who had consciously perfected themselves and who had thereby brought the sensitivity of perception of their organ of sight up to what is called the 'olooessultratesnokhnian state,' acquired, as do three-brained beings everywhere else, the possibility of perceiving, at that same distance, the visibility of all cosmic units whose arising and further existence depend upon crystallizations coming directly from the sacred Theomertmalogos, that is to say, from the emanations of our Most Holy Sun Absolute. "And when the abnormal conditions of ordinary being-existence had become fixed there, and when, for reasons I have already told you about, Great Nature was compelled, among other restrictive measures, to degrade the functioning of their organ of sight to what is called the 'koritesnokhnian' level—proper only to the presence of one-brained and two-brained beings— from that time on the three-brained beings there were able to perceive the visibility of any great or small cosmic concentrations situated beyond them only when the sacred process of 'Aieioiuoa' proceeded in the 'omnipresent active element' Okidanokh in the atmosphere of their planet or, as they say, according to their understanding and perceptions, in the 'dark of night. ' "The second fact, also related to the degeneration of their sight to the 'koritesnokhnian' level, is based on a law common to all beings, namely, that the results of any manifestation of the Omnipresent Okidanokh are perceived only when the organ of sight is in immediate contact with the vibrations formed in beings which actualize the functioning of that being-organ, enabling it at the given moment to perceive the visibility of cosmic concentrations situated beyond them, that is to say, the results of any manifestation of the Omnipresent Okidanokh are perceived only when they take place within certain limits—depending upon the quality of perception attained by the given organ—and beyond these limits what is called the 'momentum of the

impulse' dies down; or, to put it otherwise, these beings perceive the visibility of objects only when they are almost next to them. "But if these results take place beyond the mentioned limits, this manifestation does not reach those beings in whose presence the organs of visual perception have been formed only by the results of the totality of 'itoklanotz.' "Here it is opportune to recall one of the profound sayings of our Mullah Nasr Eddin, which very neatly fits the present case, that is, the degree to which the visual perception of your contemporary favorites is limited. This wise saying of his, seldom used there, consists of the following words: 'Show me the elephant the blind man has seen—and then I will believe that you really see a fly.' "Well, my boy, thanks to the artificial devices for the observation of other cosmic concentrations which I had seen, and which were being constructed in that future Egypt on the initiative coming from the Reason of the remote de­ scendants of the members of the learned Society of Akhldanns, any one of these unfortunate favorites of yours, in spite of the 'koritesnokhnian' sight that had long before become inherent in them, acquired the power to perceive freely at any time, as they say, 'of the day or night' the visibility of all those remote cosmic concentrations which during the process of the general harmonious movement fell within the sphere of their observation. "To compensate for the limitation of their organ of visual perception they invented the following: instead of placing their 'teskooano,' or telescope, on the surface of the planet, as was the custom in those days and still is, they placed it very deep within the planet, according to an idea which, by the way, had also come down to them from their remote ancestors, and carried out their observations of cosmic con-

centrations found beyond the atmosphere of the Earth through specially hollowed-out 'shafts.' "The observatory I then saw had five of these shafts Each of them opened toward the horizon from a different point in the space occupied by the observatory, but they all converged at a small underground hollow, something like a 'cave ' From there the specialists of that time, called 'astrologers,' made their observations for the purpose of studying, as I have already told you, the visible presences and the results of the reciprocal action of cosmic concentrations belonging to their own solar system as well as to other systems of our Great Universe. "They made their observations through any one of the five shafts, which looked out in different directions toward the horizon, according to the given position of their planet in the process of the 'common-cosmic harmonious movement' in relation to the cosmic concentration being observed. "I repeat, my boy, that although the chief particularity of the observatory erected by the three-brained beings of the future Egypt was not new to me, since this principle had also been applied in my observatory on Mars—the only difference being that my seven long tubes were placed not within the planet but on its surface—nevertheless all their innovations were so interesting that, for any eventuality, I even made a detailed sketch of everything I saw during my stay there, and later made use of some of it in my own observatory. "As for the other large structures there, I shall perhaps tell you more about them later Meanwhile I shall only say that all these separate, still unfinished structures were laid out not far from the observatory itself and, as I learned upon examining them under the guidance of the chief builder, a friend of one of our tribe, they were intended partly for the

observation of other suns and planets of our Great Universe, and partly for determining and intentionally directing the currents of the surrounding atmosphere so as to obtain the 'climate' desired. "All these structures occupied a fairly large area in that locality and were enclosed within a special lattice fence made of the plant known there as 'zalnakatar.' "It is very interesting to note here that at the main entrance to that vast enclosure they had erected a rather large stone figure—large of course in comparison with the size of their presences—called the 'Sphinx,' which strongly reminded me of the statue I had seen on my first descent in person to your planet in the city of Samlios, just opposite the enormous building belonging to the learned Society of Akhldanns, which was then known as the 'principal cathedral' of this society. "The statue I saw in the city of Samlios and which greatly interested me was the emblem of the society, and was called 'Conscience.' "It represented an allegorical being, each part of whose planetary body represented one part of the planetary body of some definite form of being existing on the Earth, which, according to the notions crystallized in the threebrained beings there, expressed to perfection one or another being-function. "The mass of the planetary body of this allegorical being was represented by the 'trunk' of a terrestrial being of definite form called 'bull.' "This bull trunk rested on the four legs of another form of being existing there called 'lion'; and to the part of the trunk called the 'back' were attached two large wings, similar in appearance to those of a powerful bird-being breeding there called 'eagle.' "And at the place where the head should have been, there

were fixed to the bull's trunk by means of a piece of 'amber' two breasts representing the 'breasts of a virgin. ' "When I became interested in this strange allegorical figure on the continent of Atlantis and inquired about its meaning, one of the learned members of the great society of men-beings gave me the following explanation: " 'This allegorical figure is the emblem of the Society of Akhldanns, and serves as a stimulus for all its members constantly to recall and awaken in themselves the impulses corresponding to those it represents. "And he went on to say:

" 'Each part of this allegorical figure arouses in every member of our

society, in the three independently associating parts of his common presence, that is, in the body, in the thoughts, and in the feelings, a shock calling forth corresponding associations for the separate realizations which, in their totality, alone make it possible for us to rid ourselves little by little of the maleficent factors present in every one of us, both those factors transmitted by heredity and those we have ourselves acquired, which gradually engender within us undesirable impulses, as a consequence of which we are not what we might be. " 'This emblem of ours constantly reminds us and indicates to us that it is possible to attain freedom from those factors only if we unremittingly compel our common presences to think, feel, and act under all circumstances in accordance with what is expressed in this allegorical figure. " 'And all of us who are members of the Society of Akhldanns understand our emblem in the following way: 'The trunk of this allegorical being, represented by that of a bull, means that the factors crystallized in us, both inherited and personally acquired, which engender in our presences those maleficent impulses can be regenerated only by indefatigable labors—those labors for which, among all the beings of our planet, the "bull" is particularly fitted

" 'That this trunk rests on the legs of a lion means that these labors must be performed with the awareness and feeling of courage and of faith in one's 'might'—that property possessed in the highest degree, among all the beings of the Earth, by the being to whom these legs belong, the mighty "lion." 'The wings of the strongest and highest-soaring of birds, the "eagle," attached to the bull's trunk, constantly remind the members of our society that, during these labors, and while experiencing this inner psychic property of selfrespect, one must meditate unceasingly on questions not concerned with the manifestations directly required for ordinary being-existence. 'As regards the strange image of the head of our allegorical being in the form of the "breasts of a virgin," this means that "love" should predominate always and in everything during the inner and outer functionings evoked by one's consciousness—such a love as can arise and exist only in the presence of concentrations formed in the lawful parts of every whole responsible being in whom the hopes of our Common Father are placed. " 'And that the head is fixed to the trunk of the bull with amber signifies that this love should be strictly impartial, that is to say, completely separated from all the other functions proceeding in every whole responsible being. "In order, my boy, for you to understand the meaning symbolized by the material known there as 'amber,' I must add that amber is one of the seven planetary formations in the arising of which the 'omnipresent active element' Okidanokh enters with its three separate, independent, and sacred parts in equal proportions, and, in the process of planetary actualization, these intraplanetary and surplanetary formations serve to impede the independent flow of the three separate streams of these three localized sacred parts.

At this point in his tale, Beelzebub paused for a moment, as if pondering something, and then continued: "While I was describing to you what I then saw on a part of the surface of your planet still surviving today, where there existed certain direct descendants of the members of that truly great learned Society of Akhldanns, there were gradually revived in me—as a result of the manifestations of my being-Reason and due to the effect of various associations aroused by the visual impressions of the environment of that region—all the scenes and the whole series of associative thoughts evoking a certain being-experiencing of mine that occurred during my last stay there when I visited contemporary Egypt and was sitting one day absorbed in thought at the foot of one of those ancient structures which have chanced to survive from that period and are called today the 'pyramids.' "And in the general functioning of my Reason there proceeded, among other things, the following reflections: "Good! . . . If not even one of the benefits for ordinary being-existence formerly attained by the Reason of the beings of the continent of Atlantis has come down by inheritance to contemporary beings of your planet, this could perhaps be logically justified by the simple fact that, for cosmic reasons neither issuing from the three-brained beings there nor in any way depending upon them, the second great cataclysm not according to law occurred, in which not only this continent itself perished but also almost everything ex­ isting upon it. "But Egypt! Was not its magnificence still quite recent? "There is no denying it.

"As a result of the third small catastrophe to that ill-fated planet, and of the

fifth—about which I will speak later—this part of its surface was covered with sand. Nevertheless, the three-brained beings dwelling there did not perish, but were only scattered over various other parts of the same continent,

and so in whatever new conditions they found themselves, there should have been preserved in their presence the crystallized results of the factors perfected for normal 'being-logical mentation,' transmitted to them by heredity. "Well, my boy, after these distressing 'alstoozori' of mine or, as your favorites would say, 'sorrowful reflections,' I wished to clarify for myself the true cause of this lamentable fact, and as a result of careful investigations I finally understood and became aware with my whole being that this abnormality is due exclusively to one aspect of the chief particularity of their strange psyche, that particularity which has become a completely crystallized, inseparable part of their common presence and serves as a factor for the pe­ riodic arising in them of the 'urgent need to destroy everything outside themselves. "For when this particularity of their psyche—horrifying for every being with Reason—reaches its climax and those three-brained beings begin to manifest it outwardly, that is to say, when they begin to carry out the process of reciprocal destruction on some part of the surface of their planet, then, at the same time, just in passing, as it were, with no deliberate aim and even without what is called 'organic need,' they also destroy everything that comes within range of their organ of sight. At the height of these psychopathic parox­ ysms, the beings between whom this terrible process takes place destroy not only each others' intentionally produced objects but also works of the beings of former ages that have chanced to survive and reach them intact. "And so it was, my boy, that at the period of my fourth sojourn on the surface of your planet, and after my arrival in the country now known as 'Egypt,' I stayed there several days among the remote descendants of the members of the learned Society of Akhldanns, and became acquainted with certain results of their being-partkdolgduty that had survived

for the welfare of their descendants. Then, accompanied by two members of our tribe, I went to the southern countries of this continent where, with the help of the local three-brained beings, I captured the desired number of apebeings. "Having accomplished this, I signaled telepathically to our ship Occasion, which descended to us, it must be said, on the first very dark night And when we had loaded the ape-beings into the special compartment of the ship that had been arranged for Gornahoor Harharkh under his own direction, we reascended to the planet Mars, and three Martian days later, taking the apes with me, I ascended on the same ship to the planet Saturn. "Though we had decided to carry out the experiments on the apes only in the following year, when they would have become thoroughly acclimatized and adapted to their new conditions of existence, I ascended to the planet Saturn without delay, because at my last meeting with Gornahoor Harharkh I had promised him to be present at a family solemnity that was soon to take place. "This family solemnity, called a 'khri-khra-khri,' was the consecration by the beings around Gornahoor Harharkh of his recently arisen first heir "I had promised to attend this family solemnity in order to take upon myself toward this first heir of his what is called the 'alnatoorornian beingduty.' "Here it is interesting to remark that the ceremony for assuming this beingduty also took place in ancient times among the three-brained beings of your planet and has even come down to your contemporary favorites but, just as in everything else, they have kept only the external form of this serious and important procedure The beings who, as it were, take this obligation upon themselves are called by your contemporary favorites 'godfathers' and 'godmothers.' "This first heir of Gornahoor Harharkh was then named Raoorkh."

CHAPTER 24

Beelzebub's fifth flight to the planet Earth BEELZEBUB continued his tale as follows:

"After my fourth sojourn on the surface of the planet Earth, many years

passed by.

"During these years, of course only from time to time, I attentively observed through my teskooano the being-existence of these favorites of yours. "By now their numbers had considerably increased, and they were already

populating almost all the large and small land masses on your planet, and of course their chief particularity continued to manifest itself, that is to say, every so often they would begin to destroy each other's existence. "During this time, that is, between my fourth and fifth visits, the surface of your planet underwent great changes, particularly in the places where the existence of your favorites was concentrated For example, their 'centers of culture' on the continent of Ashhark that I had personally visited on my previous descents to the Earth, namely, the countries of Tikliamish and Maralpleicie, had entirely disappeared by the time of my fifth arrival there "The cause of the destruction of these 'centers of culture' and of the changes on the surface of the Earth was a new catastrophe, the third for this ill-fated planet. "This third catastrophe was entirely local in character, and occurred as a result of unprecedented accelerated 'displacements of parts of the atmosphere' or, as your favorites would say, 'great winds,' which lasted several years. "And the cause of these abnormal displacements, or 'great winds,' was once again those two fragments which had broken off from this planet of yours during the first great ca-

lamity and which later became small independent planets of that solar system, known today as the 'Moon' and 'Anulios.' "Strictly speaking, the main cause of this third terrestrial catastrophe was the larger of the fragments, namely the Moon, the smaller fragment, Anulios, played no part in it whatsoever. "The accelerated displacements in the Earth's atmosphere came about in the following way: "When the atmosphere around the small, accidentally arisen planet Moon had been finally formed, and the Moon was still falling back upon its fundamental mass, by a path established according to the already mentioned 'law of catching up,' and this newly arisen definite presence around the Moon had not yet acquired its own harmony within the 'common-system harmony of movement,' then the 'osmooalnian friction,' as it is called, not being harmonized with the whole, provoked in the Earth's atmosphere these accelerated displacements, or 'great winds.' "And by the force of their currents these unprecedented 'great winds' began to wear away the projecting land masses and to fill up the corresponding depressions. "Among these depressions were the two regions of the continent of Ashhark where the process of existence of the first and second groups of the beings of what is now called 'Asia' were chiefly concentrated, that is to say, the main parts of the countries of Tikliamish and Maralpleicie. "Certain parts of the country of Pearl-land were also covered by sand, as well as the region in the middle of the continent of Grabontzi where, after the loss of Atlantis, there was formed the leading 'center of culture,' as they called it, for all the three-brained beings there—a region that in those times was the most flourishing part of the surface of your planet and is now a desert, known as the 'Sahara.' "Bear in mind that, besides the countries I have men-

tioned, several other smallish land surfaces of that hapless planet were also covered by sand as a result of those abnormal winds. "It is interesting to note here that your contemporary favorites also learned, by some means or other, that the three-centered beings of that period changed the places of their permanent existence, and having attached one of their 'labels' to this, namely, the 'great migration of races,' they stuck it on to what they call their 'knowledge.' "A number of the 'learned' there are now puffing and blowing with all their might to find out why and how it all occurred, so that they can tell everybody else about it. "At the present time there are several theories about this that have nothing in common and, in an objective sense, are each more absurd than the other, but are nevertheless recognized there by what is called 'official science.' "But in fact, the true cause of the migration of the three-centered beings of that epoch was that as soon as this process of erosion began, the beings inhabiting the continent of Ash-hark, fearing to be buried by the sands, started to move to other, safer places. And this migration took place in the following order: "Most of the three-brained beings populating Tikliamish moved to the southern part of the continent of Ashhark, to the country later called 'Persia,' while the rest moved north and settled in the regions afterward called 'Kirghizcheri.' "As for the beings inhabiting the country of Maralpleicie, some wandered eastward, while the others, the majority, went toward the west. "Those who went east, after crossing high mountains, settled on the shores of a large 'saliakooriapnian' space, in the region later called 'China.' "And those beings of Maralpleicie who had sought safety by moving to the west, after wandering from place to place,

ultimately reached the neighboring continent, later called 'Europe. ' "As for the three-brained beings who existed in the middle of the continent of Grabontzi, they dispersed over the whole surface of the planet. "Well, my boy, this fifth flight of mine to your planet took place during the period just after the redistribution of the various groups of these favorites of yours. "And it took place on account of the following events:

"First of all I must tell you that the chief particularity of the psyche of your

favorites, namely, their 'periodic need to destroy the existence of beings like themselves,' interested me more and more with each succeeding century of theirs, and parallel with this, the irresistible urge grew in me to find out the exact cause of a particularity so phenomenal for three-brained beings. "That is why, my boy, in the interval between my fourth and fifth sojourns on the planet Earth, in order to have more material that might throw light upon this question that interested me so intensely, with the help of my teskooano on the planet Mars I organized my observations of the existence of those peculiar three-brained beings in the following way: "I purposely selected a large number of individual beings from among your favorites, and during many of their years, either I personally or someone I specially commissioned kept them under close observation, trying as much as possible not to miss anything, and to clarify for myself from every aspect all the particularities in their manifestations during the process of their ordinary existence. "And I must confess, my boy, that when I happened to be quite free, I sometimes followed with great interest, for whole 'sinonooms'—or, as your favorites approximately define the corresponding flow of time, for whole 'hours'—the movements of those three-brained beings selected by me,

trying to find a logical explanation for what are called their 'psychic experiencings.' "And so, one day, while I was carrying on these observations from the planet Mars through my teskooano, it flashed upon me that the length of their existence was, century by century, and even year by year, becoming shorter, at a very definite and uniform rate; and this served as the starting point for my subsequent intensive study of the psyche of these three-brained beings who have taken your fancy. "Of course, when I first became aware of this, I immediately took into account not only the chief particularity of their psyche, that is, their periodic reciprocal destruction, but also the innumerable what are called 'diseases' found exclusively on that planet, and most of which, by the way, arose and continue to arise owing as always to the abnormal external conditions of ordinary being-existence they themselves have established—conditions that are greatly to blame for their inability to exist normally until the sacred 'rascooarno.' "When I noticed this for the first time, and began to recall my former impressions on the subject, this fact flashed upon my essence, and each of the separate independent spiritualized parts of my whole presence became filled with the conviction that in the beginning these three-brained beings of your planet had actually existed, according to their time calculation, for as many as twelve, and some of them even for fifteen centuries. "For you to have a clearer picture of the rate at which the length of their existence diminished during this period, it is enough to tell you that when I left that solar system forever, the maximum length of their existence had decreased to no more than seventy to ninety of their years. "And in recent times, if one of them were to exist even

as long as this, all the other beings of that peculiar planet would consider that he had lived to a 'great age.' "And if anyone were to exist for a little over a century he would be exhibited in their museums, and of course all the rest of the beings there would know about him because his 'photograph' and descriptions of his manner of existence, down to each step he takes, would keep appearing in all their 'newspapers,' as they are called. "So, my boy, since at the time when I suddenly became aware of this fact I had no special business on the planet Mars, and since it was quite impossible to try to probe this new peculiarity by means of the teskooano, I decided to go in person to the planet Earth, in order to clear up for myself on the spot the causes of this phenomenon. "Several Martian days after my decision, I again flew there on the ship Occasion. "At the time of this fifth flight of mine to your planet, their 'center for the incoming and outgoing results of the perfecting of being-comprehension' or their 'center of culture,' as they call it, was the city of 'Babylon', so it was just there that I decided to go. "This time our ship Occasion alighted on what is now called the 'Persian Gulf,' because before our flight we had ascertained through the teskooano that the most convenient place both for our plan of travel—which was to reach the city of Babylon—and for the mooring of our ship Occasion would be that particular saliakooriapnian space of the surface of your planet. "This expanse of water was convenient for my further travels because the large river on whose banks stood the city of Babylon flowed into it, and we proposed to go up this river in order to reach the city.

"In those days, the 'incomparably majestic' Babylon was flourishing in every respect It was a 'center of culture' not only for the beings dwelling on the continent of Ashhark but also for the beings of all the other land masses, large and small, which were adapted to the needs of ordinary being-existence on that planet. "When I first arrived in this 'center of culture' of theirs, they were just then preparing what later became the principal cause of acceleration in the rate of degeneration of their 'psychic organization,' especially in the sense of the atrophy in them of the instinctive functioning of those three fundamental factors which ought to exist in the presence of every three-brained being— namely, those factors which give rise to the being-impulses existing under the names of 'Faith,' 'Hope,' and 'Love. ' "And the degeneration of these being-factors, increasing from one generation to another, has reached such a point that instead of the real beingpsyche that should exist in the presence of every kind of three-brained being, there now exists in the presence of your contemporary favorites a 'real' psyche, to be sure, but one that can be very well described by the following wise saying of our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin 'It has everything in it except the core, or even the kernel. "I must not fail to tell you as fully as possible what occurred during that period in Babylon, as all this information may serve you as valuable material for helping to elucidate and transmute in your Reason all the causes that taken together have finally given rise to that psyche, so strange for three-centered beings, which your contemporary favorites now have. "To begin with, I must tell you that I obtained the information about the events I am going to relate chiefly from those beings whom the other threecentered beings there call 'learned.'

"And before going any further, I must dwell a little on just what kind of beings are considered 'learned' by the others on your planet. "Even before my fifth sojourn there, that is, before the period when, as I have told you, Babylon was in full flower, those who were regarded by others as 'learned' were not such beings as become worthy to be considered learned everywhere else in the Universe, namely, those who from the earliest times, even on your planet, have acquired by their conscious labor and intentional suffering the ability to contemplate all the details of everything that exists from the point of view of world-arising and world-existence, which enables them to perfect their highest being-body to the corresponding degree of the Sacred Scale of Objective Reason, and later to sense the cosmic truths accessible to this highest body, according to its level of development But ever since the time of what is called the 'Tikliamishian civilization,' and especially in our era, the beings there who become 'learned' are almost always those who have learned by rote the greatest possible amount of vacuous information, such as old women love to repeat about what was supposed to have been said in the 'good old days.' "Note, by the way, that our venerated Mullah Nasr Eddin expresses the importance of such learned beings as follows 'Everybody seems to believe that our learned professors know that half a hundred is fifty. ' "There on your planet, the more such information one of your favorites stores up—information he has never verified, and moreover has never sensed for himself—the more 'learned' he is considered to be. "Well, my boy, when we reached the city of Babylon, it was literally overflowing with 'learned' beings, who were gathered there from almost everywhere on your planet.

"As the reason for their gathering is extremely interesting, I will tell you something about this also. "The point is that most of the learned beings of the Earth had been assembled there under compulsion by a highly eccentric Persian king, under whose dominion at that period was also the city of Babylon. "To help you understand the fundamental aspect of all the results of the abnormal conditions of ordinary being-existence that gave rise to the eccentricity of this Persian king, I must first enlighten you about two facts that had been established long before. "The first of these facts is that, almost from the time of the loss of the continent of Atlantis, there gradually began to be crystallized and in later centuries to be definitely fixed in the presence of every one of your favorites a particular property, thanks to which the sensation called 'happiness for one's being'—experienced from time to time by every three-brained being from the satisfaction of his inner self-evaluation—appears in their presence exclusively when they have at their disposal a great deal of that famous metal they call 'gold. ' "The worst of it is that, because of this particular property in their common presence, the sensation arising from the possession of that metal is reinforced by the beings surrounding the possessor, and even by those beings who learn about it only by hearsay rather than through their own perceptions At the same time it is the custom there never to take into account the kind of beingmanifestations through which someone came to own a great quantity of this metal, and what is more, such a being evokes in the presences of all those around him the functioning of that crystallized consequence of the properties of the organ kundabuffer called 'envy.' "And the second fact is this, that when their chief particularity functions in the presences of your favorites at an

accelerated tempo, and the process of reciprocal destruction breaks out among their different communities according to established custom, then after this maleficent property, inherent in them alone, has run its course and this process of theirs ceases for a while, the king of the community in which a greater number of subjects has survived, on receiving the title of 'conqueror,' usually seizes for himself everything belonging to the beings of the conquered community. "The king-conqueror then usually commands his subjects to despoil the conquered community of all their lands, and to seize all the young beings of female sex and all the 'riches' accumulated in the course of centuries. "Well, my boy, when the subjects of that eccentric Persian king conquered the beings of another community, he ordered them not to take or even touch any of these, but instead to bring back as 'captives' only the learned beings of the conquered community. "In order to represent clearly to yourself and understand just why this peculiar craze, proper to him alone, arose in the individuality of that Persian king, you must know that at the period of the Tikliamishian civilization, in the town of 'Chiklaral,' a learned three-brained being by the name of Harnakhoom—whose essence later became crystallized into what is called an 'Eternal Hasnamuss Individual'—invented the notion that any old metal you like, found in abundance on the surface of that planet, could easily be transformed into the rare metal 'gold', and that all you needed to know for this was one very small secret. "This pernicious invention of his became widely spread there and, having become crystallized in the presence of the beings of that time, passed from generation to generation and gradually took the form of a maleficent, fantastic science under the name of 'alchemy'—the very name of that great science which had indeed existed there as a branch of genuine

knowledge during long-past epochs when the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer had not yet been completely crystallized in the presence of their ancestors— a science that could have been most useful, or indeed essential, for all three-brained beings there, even of contemporary times. "Now at that period to which my tale relates, this Persian king needed for one or another of his undoubtedly hasnamussian aims a large amount of the metal called 'gold,' rare on the surface of the Earth; and as he had heard about this method, invented by the future Hasnamuss Individual Harnakhoom, he was eager to obtain gold by so easy a means. "When this Persian king had definitely decided to obtain gold by means of alchemy, he realized then and there with the whole of his being that he did not yet know that 'little secret' without which it was absolutely impossible to fulfill this desire So he began to ponder how to find out that 'little secret ' "And this pondering of his led to the following conclusion: 'Since the learned already have knowledge of every other kind of "mystery," there must be at least one of them to whom this mystery is known "Having finally reached this conclusion, he began to wonder with an intensified functioning of 'being-astonishment' why such a simple idea had never entered his head before and, summoning certain of his faithful subjects, he ordered them to find out which of the learned beings of his capital knew about this 'mystery.' "When it was reported to him the following day that not a single one of the learned beings of the capital knew this secret, he ordered further inquiries to be made among learned beings of his entire realm and, when after several days he received the same negative reply, he began once more to ponder, this time very seriously.

"His serious reflection first led his Reason to the conclusion that one or another of the learned beings of his community undoubtedly knew this secret but of course, since 'professional secrecy' was strictly observed among beings of that fraternity, nobody was willing to reveal it. "He then realized that it was necessary not merely to question, but to put pressure on the learned beings to compel them to reply. "That same day, he gave appropriate instructions to his closest assistants in such matters, and they immediately began making 'interrogations,' using methods that had long been customary among power-possessing beings for interrogating ordinary beings. "And when this eccentric Persian king finally became convinced that the learned beings of his community really knew nothing about this mystery, he began to look in other communities for learned beings who might know about it. "As the kings of these other communities were unwilling to hand over their learned beings for interrogation, he decided to compel these recalcitrant rulers by force And so, at the head of the numerous hordes under his sway, he set off on what are called 'military expeditions.' "This Persian king had many hordes in subjection to him because at that period, thanks to the 'foreseeing adaptability' of Great Nature, what is called the 'birthrate' had increased among the beings of the part of the surface of your planet where his kingdom was situated, moreover, at this same period, the conditions required for the common-cosmic trogoautoegocratic process were being actualized whereby there had to issue from this region of the surface of your planet more of those vibrations that arise from the destruction of the existence of beings. At this point Hassein interrupted Beelzebub with the following words:

"Dear Grandfather, I do not understand why the issuing of the vibrations required to actualize this most great cosmic process should depend on a particular region of the surface of the planet." To his grandson's question Beelzebub replied:

"Since before long I intend to make the problem of the terrible process of

reciprocal destruction, which they call 'war,' the theme of one of my tales concerning the three-brained beings of the planet Earth, it is better to defer this question of yours until this special tale, because then, I think, you will understand it clearly." Having said this, Beelzebub returned to his narrative about the Babylonian events. "When this eccentric Persian king with his subject hordes began to conquer the beings of other communities and to carry off their learned beings by force, he assigned the city of Babylon as a gathering place for them, and there they were taken in order that this lord of half the continent of Asia could interrogate them as he pleased, in the hope that one of them might happen to know the secret of turning base metal into gold. "With the same aim he even undertook what is called a 'campaign' into the country of Egypt. "And he undertook this campaign because at that period the learned beings of all the continents were assembled there, the opinion being widely held that more information pertaining to their various 'sciences' was available in this Egypt than anywhere else on their planet. "This Persian conqueror then carried off from Egypt all the learned beings he found there, both the native ones and those from other communities, and among their number were several Egyptian 'priests,' descendants of those learned members of the Society of Akhldanns who, having chanced to survive, had been the first to populate that country. "But when a little later a new craze arose in the presence

of that eccentric Persian king, this time for the process itself of the destruction of the existence of his fellow-beings, the new craze supplanted the former one, and he forgot all about the learned beings, who then began to exist freely in the city of Babylon awaiting his further instructions. "The learned beings thus assembled from almost the whole of the planet in the city of Babylon often used to meet together, and of course, as is proper to 'learned' beings on the planet Earth, they discussed among themselves questions immeasurably beyond their comprehension, from which they could never derive anything useful whatsoever, either for themselves or for the ordinary beings there. "Well, it was precisely during these meetings and discussions that there arose among them, as generally happens with terrestrial learned beings, a 'burning question of the day,' which this time in some way or other stirred them, as they say, 'to their very marrow. ' "The question that chanced to become the 'burning question of the day' so vitally affected the whole being of every one of them that they even 'climbed down from their pedestals' and began discussing it not only with the 'learned' like themselves, but here, there, and everywhere, with anyone they happened to come across. "As a result, the interest aroused by this question gradually spread among all the ordinary three-brained beings then existing in Babylon, and by the time we arrived it had become the 'question of the day' for everyone there. "Not only did the learned beings themselves talk about and discuss this question, but similar conversations and arguments raged like fury among the ordinary beings there also. "It was talked about and discussed by young and old, by men and women, and even by the Babylonian butchers. "And all, especially the 'learned,' were exceedingly anxious to know more about this question.

"Before our arrival there, many of the beings existing in Babylon had even lost their Reason over it, and many others were already candidates for losing theirs. "This 'burning question of the day,' which both the 'sorry scientists' and the ordinary beings of the city of Babylon wanted to resolve, was whether or not they had a 'soul.' "All sorts of fantastic theories about this question existed in Babylon, and at every moment new theories were being 'cooked up'; and of course, each of these 'catchy theories' had its devotees. "In spite of the number and variety of these theories, they were all based upon two quite opposite assumptions One of these was called the 'atheistic' and the other the 'idealistic,' or 'dualistic.' "All the dualistic theories maintained the existence of the 'soul,' and of course its 'immortality,' as well as every conceivable 'tribulation' it might suffer after the death of the being, man. "And all the atheistic theories maintained just the opposite. "In short, my boy, when we arrived in the city of Babylon, there was then taking place what is called the 'building of the Tower of Babel.' " Having uttered these words, Beelzebub thought a moment and went on as follows: "Now I wish to explain to you the expression, the 'building of the Tower of Babel,' which I just used and which is very often used on your planet by the contemporary three-brained beings. "I wish to touch upon this expression and explain it to you, first because I chanced to be a witness of all the events that gave rise to it, and second because the history of its arising and its transformation in the understanding of your contemporary favorites can show you very clearly that,

thanks as always to the same abnormally established conditions of ordinary being-existence, no exact information about events that have really occurred there among beings of former epochs ever reaches the beings of later generations And if something like this expression does happen to reach them, their fantastic Reason at once elaborates a whole theory on the basis of it, thus multiplying in their presence those illusory 'being-egoplastikoori,' or what they call 'psychic images,' thanks to which there has arisen in the Universe that strange 'unique psyche' which every one of your favorites has. "Well, my boy, when we arrived in Babylon and I began mingling with various beings and making corresponding observations in order to clear up the question that had interested me, almost everywhere I went I ran across those learned beings who were meeting in great numbers, and I began associating exclusively with them, confining my observations to them and to their individualities. "Among the learned beings whom I often met for the sake of my aim was a certain Hamolinadir, who had been brought there under compulsion from Egypt. "During these meetings between this terrestrial three-brained being, Hamolinadir, and myself, almost the same relations were established as in general prevail between three-brained beings who often meet one another. "This Hamohnadir was one of those learned beings in whose common presence the factors for the impulses of a three-brained being, which had passed to him by heredity, were not entirely atrophied, and moreover, it turned out that during his preparatory age the responsible beings around him had prepared him to be more or less normally responsible. "I should add that at that time there were many such learned beings in the city of Babylon.

"Although this learned Hamolinadir was descended from the race of beings called 'Assyrian,' and his arising and preparation for becoming a responsible being had taken place in that very city of Babylon, his knowledge had been acquired in Egypt, in the highest school of all those existing on the Earth at that time, called the 'School for Materializing Thought.' "When I first met him he was at an age when his 'I'—in the sense of intelligently directing the 'automatic psychic functioning' of his common presence—had already attained the maximum stability possible for a threecentered being of the planet Earth at that time, so that during what is called his 'passive waking state' he had being-manifestations that were very clearly expressed, such as 'consciousness of self,' 'impartiality,' 'sincerity,' 'sensitivity,' 'resourcefulness,' and so forth. "Shortly after our arrival in Babylon, I began going with this Hamolinadir to various 'meetings' of the learned beings I have mentioned, where I listened to every imaginable kind of what they called 'report' upon the very subject that was then the 'question of the day' and the cause of such 'agitation of minds' throughout Babylon. "My friend Hamolinadir was also very wrought up about this burning question. "He was agitated and perplexed by the fact that the numerous theories on this subject, the new as well as the old, were all, in spite of their entirely contradictory proofs, equally plausible and convincing. "The theories proving that we have a soul, he said, were very logically and convincingly expounded, but equally logical and convincing were those proving quite the contrary. "So that you can put yourself in the place of that likable Assyrian, I shall explain to you that in general on your planet—then in Babylon as well as at the present time—all the theories on a question such as that of the 'beyond, or

any other 'detailed clarification' of some particular fact, are nearly always invented by those three-brained beings in whom most of the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer have been completely crystallized, so that there actively functions in their presence that being-property they call 'cunning ' Owing to this, either consciously, of course with that sort of Reason which they alone possess, or automatically, that is of itself, they gradually acquire in their common presence the capacity for 'spotting the weak-nesses' in the psyche of beings like themselves, and this capacity gradually forms data in them for the ability to sense and at times even to understand the peculiar logic of the beings around them, and according to these data they invent and elaborate some 'theory' concerning this or that question And as I have already told you, because of the gradual atrophy of the being-function called the 'instinctive sensing of cosmic truths' in most of the three-brained beings there— also owing to the abnormal conditions of ordinary beingexistence established by them—if one of them happens to devote himself to an intensive study of any of these theories, he is bound willy-nilly to be convinced by it with the whole of his presence. "Well, my boy, seven of their months after our arrival in the city of Babylon I went one day with my friend Hamolinadir to what is called a general scientific 'conference. ' "This scientific conference had been convened by the learned beings previously brought there 'under compulsion' by the Persian king, who had meanwhile got over his craze for the science of alchemy and forgotten all about it, and there were also present at this conference many other learned beings from other communities, who had come there voluntarily, as they said, 'for the love of science.' "At this general scientific conference that day, the order of speakers was determined by lot.

"My friend Hamolinadir was among those who were to report on various topics, and therefore drew a lot, it fell to him to speak fifth. "Of the speakers who preceded him, some reported on new 'theories' they had invented, while others criticized theories already established and well known to everybody. "At last came the turn of this likable Assyrian. "He mounted what is called the 'rostrum,' and as he did so some attendants hung a placard above it announcing the subject of the speech to be given, as was the custom at that time. "The placard stated that the speaker had chosen as his theme the 'instability of human Reason. ' "This terrestrial friend of mine began by explaining the structure, as he understood it, of the human 'head-brain' and in what cases and in what manner various impressions are perceived by the other brains of man, and how it is only after a definite 'agreement' among all the brains that the total results are impressed on the 'head-brain. ' "At first he spoke calmly, but the longer he spoke, the more agitated he became, until his voice rose to a shout as he began to criticize the 'Reason' in man. "At the same time, he mercilessly criticized his own Reason. "Still continuing to shout, he very logically and convincingly demonstrated the instability and fickleness of human Reason, giving various examples of how easy it is to persuade and convince this Reason of anything you like. "Although in the midst of the shouting of this terrestrial friend of mine, Hamolinadir, the sound of his sobbing could be heard, nevertheless, even while sobbing, he continued to shout: 'To every man, and also of course to me, it is quite easy to prove anything whatever, all you need to know is which

shocks and which associations to arouse in the various brains while one or another "truth" is being proved It is even easy to prove to a man that our whole world and all the people in it are nothing but an illusion, and that the authenticity and reality of the world are nothing but a "corn," and what is more, the corn on the big toe of his left foot Apart from this corn, nothing in the world exists, everything only "seems," and even then only to "psychopaths squared. " ' "At this point in the speech of this likable terrestrial three-brained being, an attendant offered him a bowl of water, and after he had eagerly gulped it down, he continued to speak, but now more calmly. "He said further:

" 'Take myself as an example I am not just an ordinary learned man I am

known all over Babylon and in many other cities as an exceedingly learned and wise man. " 'I completed the highest course of study that has ever existed on Earth, and the like of which will probably never exist again. " 'But what has this highest development given my Reason with respect to that question which, for the past year or two, has been driving all Babylon insane? 'During this general dementia over the question of the "soul," this Reason of mine, in spite of its high development, has brought me nothing but "five Fridays a week. " 'Over this period, I have followed with the greatest attention and utmost seriousness all the old and new theories about the "soul," and there is not a single one of them with whose author I do not inwardly agree, for all these theories are very logically and plausibly expounded, and such Reason as I have cannot but agree with their logic and plausibility. 'I myself have written a very lengthy work on this "question of the beyond" and no doubt many of those present are familiar with the logic of my thought, and probably

there is not one of you here who does not envy this logical thinking of mine. " 'Yet now, I honestly and sincerely declare before you all that, regarding this "question of the beyond," I, with all the knowledge accumulated in me, am neither more nor less than an "idiot cubed." " 'At this moment in the city of Babylon what is taking place among us is the collective building of a tower by which to ascend to Heaven and see with our own eyes what goes on there. " 'This tower is being built of bricks that outwardly all look alike, but that are made of quite different materials. 'Among these bricks are bricks of "iron" and "wood," and also of "dough," and even some of "eider-down." " 'Well then, with these bricks an immensely high tower is now being built right in the center of Babylon, and every more or less conscious person must realize that sooner or later this tower is certain to fall and crush not only all the people of Babylon but also everything else there. " 'Personally, as I still wish to live, and have no desire to be crushed by the Babylonian tower, I am going away from here at once . . . And as for all the rest of you, do as you please!' "He uttered these last words while leaving, and ran off. "And from that time, I never saw that likable Assyrian again. "As I learned later, he left the city of Babylon that same day forever, and went to 'Nineveh' and existed somewhere there to a ripe old age I also ascertained that this Hamolinadir never again occupied himself with 'sciences' and spent the rest of his existence in growing 'choongary,' which in contemporary language is called 'maize.' "Well, my boy, the speech of this Hamolinadir at first made such a deep impression upon the beings there that for almost

a month they went about, as is said, 'down in the mouth. ' "And when they met one another, they could speak of nothing else, but only recalled and repeated various passages from his speech. "They repeated them so often that certain of Hamolinadir's expressions spread among the ordinary beings of Babylon and became what are called 'household sayings.' "Some of these sayings have even reached contemporary beings of the planet Earth, and among these is the 'building of the Tower of Babel ' "So the beings of today picture to themselves quite clearly that once upon a time a certain tower was built in this city of Babylon to enable beings to ascend in their planetary bodies to God Himself. "And the contemporary beings also say, and are even quite persuaded, that during the building of this Babylonian tower a confusion of tongues occurred. "In general, there have reached the contemporary beings of the planet Earth a great many such isolated expressions, uttered by various beings with Reason of former epochs, both from the time when Babylon was the center of culture and from other epochs, concerning some details of a whole understanding, and simply on the basis of these 'scraps,' your favorites of recent centuries, with their quite nonsensical Reason, have cooked up such balderdash as our arch-cunning Lucifer himself might envy. "As I already told you, among the many teachings then current in Babylon concerning the 'question of the beyond,' there were two, having nothing in common with each other, that had a large number of adherents. "And it was precisely these two teachings, passing from generation to generation of your favorites, which began to confuse their 'sane being­ mentation,' already muddled enough without that.

"Although the details of both these teachings underwent changes in the course of their transmission through the generations, the fundamental ideas contained in them remained the same and have even reached contemporary times. "One of these two teachings with adherents in Babylon was the 'dualistic,' and the other, the 'atheistic', thus one of them proved that beings have a 'soul,' and the other, quite the opposite, namely, that they have nothing of the kind. "In the 'dualistic,' or 'idealistic,' teaching it was said that within the coarse body of the being-man there is a fine and invisible body, which is the 'soul.' "This 'fine body' of man is immortal, that is to say, it is never destroyed. "It was said further that this 'fine body,' or 'soul,' has to make a corresponding payment for every action of the 'physical body,' whether voluntary or involuntary, and that every man, at birth, already consists of these two bodies, the 'physical body' and the 'soul. ' "According to this teaching, as soon as a man is born, two invisible 'spirits' perch upon his shoulders. "On his right shoulder sits a 'spirit of good' called an 'angel,' and on his left, a 'spirit of evil' called a 'devil. ' "From the very first day these spirits record in their 'notebooks' all the manifestations of the man, the spirit sitting on his right shoulder recording all his so-called 'good manifestations' or 'good deeds,' and the spirit sitting on his left shoulder, his 'evil' ones. "It is among the duties of these two spirits to prompt a man and compel him to carry out as many manifestations as possible in their respective domains. "The spirit on the right constantly strives to make the man refrain from those acts which are in the domain of the opposite spirit, and perform as many acts as possible in his own domain.

"And the spirit on the left does the same thing, but vice versa. "In this strange teaching it was further said that these two rival spirits are always contending with each other, and that each strives with 'might and main' to make the man perform more of those actions which are under his charge. "When the man dies, these spirits leave his 'physical body' on the Earth and take his 'soul' to 'God,' who exists somewhere 'up in Heaven.' "There 'up in Heaven' this 'God' sits surrounded by His devoted angels and archangels, with a pair of 'scales' suspended in front of him. "On each side of the scales spirits stand on duty On the right stand the spirits who are called 'servants of Paradise,' and these are the 'angels', and on the left stand the 'servants of Hell'—these are the 'devils. ' "The spirits who have been sitting on the man's shoulders all his life bring his 'soul' after death to 'God', and 'God' then takes from their hands the 'notebooks' where the notes of all the man's actions have been written down, and places them on the pans of the scales. "On the right pan He puts the notebook of the angel and on the left the notebook of the devil and, depending on which pan sinks lower, 'God' commands the spirits on duty on that side to take this 'soul' into their charge. "In the charge of the spirits on duty on the right is the place called 'Paradise.' "This 'Paradise' is a realm of indescribable beauty and splendiferousness. It abounds in magnificent fruits, and innumerable fragrant flowers. Enchanting sounds of cherubic songs and seraphic music constantly echo in the air. And many other marvels were enumerated whose outer effects, according to the perceptions and cognitions abnormally inherent in the three-brained beings of that strange planet,

were likely to evoke, as they say, 'great satisfaction' in them, that is, the satisfaction of those needs that are unworthy of three-centered beings, which drive from their presence everything, without exception, that was put into it by our Common Father which is imperative for every three-brained being to possess. "The spirits on duty to the left of the scales, who, according to this Babylonian teaching, are the 'devils,' are in charge of what is called 'Hell.' "As for 'Hell,' it was said to be a place without a trace of vegetation, always unimaginably hot, and without a single drop of water. "In this 'Hell' there constantly echo sounds of frightful 'cacophony' and furious 'insults.' "All around stand instruments of torture of every conceivable sort, from the 'rack' and 'wheel' to machines for 'lacerating bodies' and rubbing them with salt, and so on and so forth. "In this Babylonian 'idealistic' teaching, it was explained in detail that for his 'soul' to enter 'Paradise,' a man must constantly strive while on Earth to provide as much material as possible for the 'notebook' of the spirit-angel perched on his right shoulder, since otherwise there would be more material for the record of the spirit on his left shoulder, in which case his soul would inevitably be cast into that most awful 'Hell. ' " Here Hassein could restrain himself no longer, and suddenly interrupted Beelzebub with the following words: "And which of their manifestations do they consider good and which bad?" Beelzebub gave his grandson a very strange look and, shaking his head, replied: "As regards the question of which being-manifestations are considered good on your planet, and which bad, two

distinct ways of understanding, having nothing in common, have existed from the most ancient times up to the present day. "The first way of understanding exists there and passes from one generation to another through such three-brained beings as were the members of the learned Society of Akhldanns on the continent of Atlantis, and through such as those who, several centuries later, after the second transapalnian perturbation, were beginning, although in a different manner, to acquire almost the same data in the foundation of their common presence, and who were called 'initiates.' "This way of understanding is expressed there as follows: 'Every deed of a man is good in the objective sense if it is done according to his conscience, and every deed is bad if from it he later experiences remorse. "And the second way of understanding arose soon after the 'wise invention' of the great King Koniutsion, and, passing from generation to generation through ordinary beings there, it gradually spread over almost the entire planet under the name of 'morality. ' "Here it will be interesting to note one particularity of this morality which was grafted on to it at the very beginning, and ultimately became part and parcel of it. "Just what this particularity of terrestrial 'morality' is you can easily represent to yourself and understand if I tell you that, both inwardly and outwardly, it has acquired the unique property that belongs to the being named 'chameleon.' "And the strangest and most original aspect of this particularity of the 'morality' there, especially of the contemporary 'morality,' is that its functioning automatically depends on the moods of the 'local authorities', and these moods in their turn depend, also automatically, on the state of the four sources of action existing there under the names of 'mother-in-law,' 'digestion,' 'John Thomas,' and 'cash. '

"The second Babylonian teaching, which had many followers and, passing through the generations also reached your contemporary favorites, was based on one of the atheistic theories of that period. "In this teaching of the terrestrial hasnamussian candidates of that time, it was stated over and over again that there is no 'God' in the world, much less any 'soul' in man, and that therefore all the arguments and discussions about the 'soul' are nothing but the delirium of sick visionaries. "It was further maintained that there exists in the world only one particular law of mechanics, according to which everything that exists passes from one form into another, that is to say, the results arising from any preceding causes are progressively transformed and become the causes of subsequent results. "And therefore man also is a result of some preceding cause and in his turn must serve as the cause of some kind of result. "Moreover, it was said that all 'supernatural' phenomena—even those actually perceptible to most people— are also nothing but results ensuing from this particular law of mechanics. "The full comprehension of this law depends on the progressive, impartial, and all-round knowledge of its manifold details, which can be revealed to a pure Reason in proportion to its development. "But as regards the Reason of man, this is merely the sum of all the impressions he has perceived, from which there gradually arise in him data for the possibility of comparisons, deductions, and conclusions. "As a result of all this, he obtains more information concerning various facts around him repeatedly occurring in the same way, which in their turn serve in the general organization of man as material for the formation of definite con-

victions. And from all this is formed man's Reason, that is to say, his own subjective psyche. "Whatever may have been said in these two teachings about the 'soul,' and whatever maleficent means were prepared by those 'learned' beings, assembled there from almost the entire planet, for the gradual transformation of the Reason of their descendants into a veritable 'mill of nonsense,' the outcome need not have been, in the objective sense, a total calamity, but the full objective terror lay in the fact that there later resulted from these teachings a great evil, not only for their descendants, but maybe even for everything that exists. "The point is that during this great 'agitation of minds' in the city of Babylon, when these learned beings, through their collective wiseacrings, had acquired in their presences a mass of new data for hasnamussian manifestations—in addition to those they already had—and when they dispersed and went home to their own countries, they began, of course unconsciously, to propagate everywhere, like contagious bacilli, all those notions which together finally and utterly destroyed the last remnants and even the traces of the results of the holy labors of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash. the remnants, that is to say, of those holy labors, 'consciously suffered,' which he intentionally actualized in order to create the special external conditions of ordinary being-existence in which alone the maleficent consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer could gradually disappear from the presence of your favorites, so that in their place there could gradually be acquired those properties befitting every three-brained being—whose whole presence is an exact likeness of the whole Universe. "Another result of the diverse wiseacrings on the 'question of the soul' by those 'learned' beings in the city of Babylon was that, soon after my fifth appearance in person on the

surface of your planet, this 'center of culture' of theirs, the incomparable and indeed magnificent Babylon, was in its turn, as is said there, 'completely swept from the face of the Earth,' down to its very foundations. "Not only was the city of Babylon itself destroyed but also everything acquired and accomplished by the beings who had existed there for many of their centuries. "In the name of justice I must say here that the prime initiative for the destruction of the holy labors of Ashiata Shiemash did not spring from those learned terrestrial beings then assembled in the city of Babylon, but rather from the invention of a well-known 'learned' being who had existed on the continent of Asia several centuries before these Babylonian events His name was Lentrohamsanin, and this being, whose highest being-part was coated into a definite unit and perfected to the required gradation of Objective Reason, became one of those 313 Eternal Hasnamuss Individuals who now exist on the small planet bearing the name of 'Retribution. ' "I shall tell you more about this Lentrohamsanin, since the information about him will help you to understand better the strange psyche of those three-brained beings who exist on that peculiar remote planet. "But I shall speak of Lentrohamsanin only after I have told you all about the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash, since the information about this now Most Saintly Individual and his activities in relation to this planet of yours is of the utmost importance and value for deepening your understanding of the strangeness of the psyche of the three-brained beings who please you and who breed on the planet Earth. "

CHAPTER 25

The Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash sent from Above to the Earth

" AND so, my boy! "Now listen very attentively to the information I will give you about the Very Saintly, now Common-Cosmic Individual, Ashiata Shiemash, and his ac­ tivities connected with the three-brained beings arising and existing on that planet Earth which has taken your fancy. "I have already told you more than once that, by the all-gracious command of our Infinitely Loving Common Father Endlessness, our Highest and Most Saintly Cosmic Individuals sometimes actualize within the presence of some terrestrial three-brained being the 'definitized conception' of a Sacred Individual, in order that, having become a terrestrial being with such a presence, he might comprehend the situation on the spot and give a suitable new direction to the process of the ordinary being-existence of your favorites, thanks to which there could perhaps be removed from their presences the already crystallized consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, as well as the predisposition to new crystallizations. "It was just seven centuries before the Babylonian events of which I have spoken that there was actualized in the planetary body of a three-brained being there the 'definitized conception' of a Sacred Individual named Ashiata Shiemash, who became in his turn a Messenger from Above, and who is now one of the Highest and Most Saintly Common-Cosmic Sacred Individuals. "The conception of Ashiata Shiemash took its form in the planetary body of a boy of poor family descended from what

is called the 'Sumerian race,' in a small village called 'Pispascana," situated not far from Babylon. "He grew up and became a responsible being partly in this village and partly in Babylon itself which, although not yet magnificent at that time, was already a famous city. "The Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash was the only Messenger sent from Above to your planet who by his holy labors succeeded in creating conditions in which for a certain time the existence of its unfortunate beings somewhat resembled the existence of three-brained beings with the same possibilities that inhabit other planets of our Great Universe And this saint was also the first who, for the accomplishment of the mission assigned to him, refused to employ the customary methods established during centuries by all the other Messengers from Above for the three-brained beings of that planet. "The Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash taught nothing whatever to the ordinary three-brained beings of the Earth, nor did he preach anything to them, as was done before and after him by all the other Messengers sent from Above with the same aim. "And in consequence of this, none of his teachings in any form passed from his contemporaries even to the third generation there, let alone to contemporary beings. "Definite information relating to his very saintly activities did, however, pass from the contemporaries of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash to the beings of following generations through those known as 'initiates,' by means of a certain 'legomonism' of his deliberations under the title of 'The Terror of the Situation.' "In addition to this, there has been preserved from the period of his very saintly activities, and exists even to the present day, a 'marble tablet' on which were engraved his 'counsels' and 'commandments' to the beings of that time. "And this tablet, which has remained intact, is now the

most precious sacred relic of a small group of initiated beings called the 'Olbogmek Brotherhood,' whose place of existence is in the middle of the continent of Asia. "The name 'Olbogmek' means, 'There are no different religions, there is only one God. "On my last visit in person to the surface of your planet, I happened to become acquainted with this legomonism, which transmitted to the initiated beings of remote generations of the planet Earth the deliberations of the Saintly Ashiata Shiemash under the title of 'The Terror of the Situation. ' "This legomonism was of great help to me in elucidating certain strange aspects of the psyche of these peculiar beings, which until then I had been unable to understand at all, in spite of my careful observations of them during tens of centuries. "Dear, beloved Grandfather, tell me, please, what does the word 'legomonism' mean?" asked Hassein. "Legomonism," Beelzebub replied, "is the name given to one of the means used there for transmitting from generation to generation information about certain events of long-past ages through those three-brained beings who have become worthy to be, and to be called, 'initiates.' "This means of transmitting information had been devised by the beings of the continent of Atlantis. "For your better understanding of how information can be transmitted to beings of succeeding generations by means of a legomonism, I must tell you a little about those beings whom other beings there call 'initiates.' "In former times on the planet Earth, this word was used in one sense only those three-brained beings were called 'initiates' who had acquired in their presences almost identical objective data, which could be sensed by other beings. "But during the last two centuries this word has come to have two different meanings.

"According to the first meaning it is used, as in the past, to designate those beings who become 'initiates' thanks to their personal, conscious labor and intentional suffering, and who thus acquire in themselves, as I have already told you, objective merits that are perceptible to other beings of any brainsystem and that evoke trust and respect. "In the other meaning, this word is used as a title conferred upon one another by those beings belonging to what are called 'robber gangs,' which have greatly multiplied there during this period and whose members have as their principal aim to 'steal' from those around them only 'essence-values. ' "Under the pretence of following 'supernatural' or 'occult' sciences, these 'robber gangs' are really occupied, and very successfully, with this kind of 'plunder.' "And so, any and every regular member of such a gang calls himself an 'initiate.' "Among these terrestrial 'initiates of new formation' there are even 'great initiates,' and these 'great initiates' are those who, especially at the present time, in the course of their virtuoso enterprises, go through 'fire, water, copper pipes, and even through all the roulette halls of Monte Carlo. "Well then, my boy, 'legomonism' is the name given to the successive transmission of information about long-past events on the planet Earth from initiate to initiate of the first kind, that is, between really meritorious beings, transmitting what they themselves have received from similar meritorious beings. "For this means of transmitting information we must give the beings of the continent of Atlantis their due, it was a very wise device and did indeed attain their aim. "It is in fact the sole means by which information about certain events of long ago has accurately reached beings of later generations. "As for the information that passes from generation to

generation through the mass of ordinary beings of that planet, either it disappears and is completely forgotten or, as our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin says, all that is left of it is 'skin and bones and tales for Scheherazade.' "Hence it is that when a few scraps of information about some event or other do happen to reach the beings of remote generations, and the 'learned beings of new formation' concoct their hodge-podge out of these scraps, a most peculiar and instructive phenomenon occurs when all the 'cockroaches' hear what is in this hodge-podge, the 'evil spirit of Saint Vitus' immediately enters their common presences and dances to his heart's content. "As for the way in which the contemporary learned beings of the planet Earth concoct their hodge-podge from scraps of information that reach them, this is very well defined in one of the wise sayings of our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin, consisting of the following words: " 'A flea has been put into the world for just one thing— that when it sneezes that deluge is released which our learned beings so dearly love to describe.' "I must tell you that when I used to exist among your favorites, it was sometimes almost impossible for me to keep from 'bursting out laughing,' as they would say, when one or another of the 'learned' beings there delivered a lecture or told me personally about some past events of which I myself had been an eyewitness. "These lectures and 'stones' are full of such comical fictions that neither our arch-cunning Lucifer nor his aides could have invented them, even if they wanted to.

CHAPTER 26

The legomonism concerning the deliberations of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash under the title of "The Terror of the Situation" "THE LEGOMONISM," Beelzebub continued, "through which the deliberations of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash were transmitted began with the following prayer: 'In the name of the Cause of my arising, I will always strive to be just toward every already spiritualized source and toward all sources of future spiritualized manifestations of our Common Creator, Almighty Autocrat Endlessness Amen. " 'To me, a trifling particle of the whole of the Great Whole, it was commanded from Above to be coated with the planetary body of a threecentered being of the Earth in order to help all other such beings arising and existing upon it to free themselves from the consequences of the properties of that organ which, for great and important reasons, was implanted in the presence of their ancestors. " 'All the Sacred Individuals before me who were intentionally actualized from Above, while striving for this same aim, have always endeavored to accomplish the task laid upon them through one or another of the three sacred ways for self-perfecting foreordained by our Endless Creator Himself, that is, through the sacred ways based on the being-impulses called "Faith," "Hope," and "Love. " 'When I had completed my seventeenth year, I began, as commanded from Above, to prepare my planetary body in order, during my responsible existence, to be able to be impartial. 'During this period of my self-preparation it was also

my intention that as soon as I reached responsible age, I would carry out the task laid upon me through one or another of these three sacred being-impulses. " 'But when during this period of self-preparation I chanced to meet many beings of almost all "types" who existed here in the city of Babylon, and when in the course of my impartial observations I became aware of various traits of their being-manifestations, there crept into me and progressively increased an essence-doubt as to the possibility of saving the three-centered beings of this planet by any of these three sacred ways. " 'The different manifestations of the beings I encountered not only increased my doubt, but gradually convinced me that the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, having passed by heredity through many generations over a very long period, had ultimately so crystallized in their presence that they have reached contemporary beings as a lawful part of their essence, and thus these crystallized consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer are now, as it were, a "second nature" of their common presence. " 'So, when I finally became a responsible being, before making my choice of one of the three sacred ways, I decided to bring my planetary body into the state of the sacred "ksherknara," that is, into the state of "all-brains-balanced being-perceptiveness," and only in that state to choose the way for my future activities. 'With this aim I then ascended "Mount Veziniama," where for forty days and nights I knelt on my knees and devoted myself to concentration. " 'For a second forty days and nights I neither ate nor drank, but recalled and analyzed all the impressions present in me of everything I had perceived during my existence here in the period of my self-preparation. " 'A third forty days and nights I remained on my knees

and neither ate nor drank, and every half hour I plucked two hairs from my breast. 'And it was only when I had finally attained complete freedom from the influence of all bodily and spiritual associations linked with the impressions of ordinary life that I began to ponder what I was to do. 'This pondering of my purified Reason then brought me to the certainty that it was already too late to save the contemporary beings by any of the three sacred ways. 'This pondering of mine also made it categorically clear to me that all the genuine functions proper to men-beings —as they are proper to all threecentered beings of our Great Universe—had already degenerated in their remote ancestors into quite other functions, which were included among the properties of the organ kundabuffer, and were very similar to the genuine sacred being-functions of Faith, Hope, and Love. 'And in all probability this degeneration was due to the fact that when the organ kundabuffer had been destroyed in their ancestors, and they had acquired in themselves factors for the genuine sacred being-impulses, then, as the taste of many of the properties of the organ kundabuffer still remained in them, these properties resembling the three sacred impulses gradually became mixed with the genuine ones, and as a result, factors were crystallized in their psyche for the impulses of "faith," "hope," and "love," which although similar to the genuine were somehow or other quite peculiar. " 'The contemporary three-centered beings also at times believe, love, and hope both with their Reason and with their feelings, but how they believe, how they love, and how they hope—in this lies all the peculiarity of these three being-properties of theirs!

" 'They also believe, but in them this sacred impulse does not function independently, as it does in general in all the three-centered beings with the same possibilities on the various other planets of our Great Universe, but its arising is dependent upon certain factors that have been formed in their common presence, owing as always to the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer—as, for instance, those peculiar properties arising in them which they call "vanity," "self-love," "pride," "self-importance," and so forth. " 'In consequence of this, the three-brained beings of the Earth are particularly subject to the perception and fixation in their presence of all sorts of "sinkrpoosarams" or, as it is expressed here, they "believe any old twaddle." " 'It is very easy to convince a being of this planet of anything you like, provided that during his perception of this nonsense there is evoked in him, either consciously from without or automatically by itself, the functioning of one or another corresponding consequence of the properties of the organ kundabuffer crystallized in him from among those forming what is called his "subjectivity," as for instance "self-love," "vanity," "pride," "swagger," "presumptuousness," "arrogance," and so on. " 'If these influences act upon their degenerate Reason and upon the equally degenerate factors in their localizations— factors that actualize being­ sensations—not only is a false conviction crystallized in them concerning the aforementioned nonsense, but they will even, in all sincerity and faith, prove vehemently to those around them that it is just so and can in no way be otherwise. " 'In an equally abnormal form data have been molded in them for evoking the sacred impulse of Love.

" 'In the presence of the beings of contemporary times there is as much as you please of that strange impulse they call "love", but this "love" of theirs is also the result of certain crystallized consequences of the properties of the or­ gan kundabuffer, and this impulse arises and manifests itself in the presence of every one of them entirely subjectively— so subjectively and so differently that if ten of them were asked to explain how they sense this inner impulse of theirs, all of them—if, of course, they for once replied sincerely, and frankly acknowledged their genuine sensations and not those they had read about somewhere or heard about from someone else—all ten would reply differently and describe ten different sensations. " 'One would explain this sensation in the sexual sense, another in the sense of pity, a third as a desire for submission, a fourth, a common interest in outer things, and so on and so forth, but not one of the ten could describe, even re­ motely, the sensation of genuine Love. " 'And none of them could describe it, because for a long time now none of the ordinary men-beings here has ever had any sensation of the sacred beingimpulse of genuine Love And without this "taste" they cannot have the faintest idea of that sacred being-impulse, the most beatific in the presence of every three-centered being of the Universe, which, in accordance with the divine foresight of Great Nature, forms in us such data that, when we experience their results, we can rest in bliss from the meritorious labors we have fulfilled for the purpose of self-perfection. 'Nowadays, if one of these three-brained beings "loves" somebody or other, it is either because this somebody always encourages and undeservedly flatters him, or because this one's nose is very like the nose of that female or male with whom, thanks to the cosmic law of "polarity" or "type," a relationship has been established that has not yet been broken, or finally, he "loves" someone only because this

someone's uncle is in business in a big way and may one day give him a boost, and so on and so forth. " 'But never do men-beings here love with genuine, impartial, and nonegoistic love. " 'Thanks to the kind of love that exists in the contemporary beings here, their hereditary predisposition to the crystallization of the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer now proceeds in them without hindrance, and becomes definitely fixed as a lawful part of their nature. 'And as regards the third sacred being-impulse, Essence-Hope, its plight in the presence of the three-centered beings here is even worse than that of the first two. " 'Not only has this being-impulse, in its distorted form, finally adapted itself to the whole of their presence but this newly formed, maleficent "hope," which has taken the place of the being-impulse of sacred Hope, is now the principal reason why factors can no longer be acquired in them for the functioning of the genuine being-impulses of Faith, Hope, and Love. " 'In consequence of this newly formed, abnormal "hope" of theirs, they always hope for something, and this constantly paralyzes all the possibilities that appear in them, whether evoked intentionally from without or arising ac­ cidentally within them—possibilities that could perhaps still destroy in their presence their hereditary predisposition to the crystallization of the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer. " 'When I returned from Mount Vezniama to the city of Babylon, I continued my observations in order to discover whether it would be possible to help these unfortunates in some other way. " 'And in the course of a year of special observations of all their manifestations and perceptions, I made it categor-

ically clear to myself that although the factors for engendering in their presence the sacred being-impulses of Faith, Love, and Hope have completely degenerated in the beings of this planet, nevertheless, the factor that should engender that being-impulse on which, in general, the whole psyche of beings of a three-brained system is based, namely, the impulse existing under the name of "Objective Conscience," is not yet atrophied in them, and remains in their presence almost in its primordial state. " 'Thanks to the abnormally established conditions of ordinary external being-existence here, this factor gradually sank into that consciousness of theirs which they call the "subconscious," and as a result, it takes no part whatever in the functioning of their ordinary consciousness. " 'Well, I then understood beyond all doubt, with all the separate ruminating parts making up the whole of my "I," that only if this being-factor still surviving in their common presence were to participate in the general functioning of the consciousness under whose direction they pass their daily, as they call it, "waking existence"—only then would it be possible to save the contemporary terrestrial three-brained beings from the consequences of the properties of that organ which was intentionally implanted in their first ancestors. 'My further pondering confirmed that this could be attained only if their ordinary being-existence were to flow for a long time under fully foreseen, corresponding conditions. 'When these deliberations had been completely transubstantiated in me, I decided to consecrate the whole of myself from that time forward solely to the creation of such conditions here that the functioning of sacred Conscience, still surviving in their subconscious, might gradually pass into the functioning of their ordinary consciousness. " 'May the blessing of our Almighty, Infinitely Loving

Common Father, Uni-Being, Endless Creator be upon my decision. Amen!' "Thus ended the legomonism concerning the deliberations of the Very Saintly and Incomparable Ashiata Shiemash, under the title of 'The Terror of the Situation.' "So, my boy, when early in my last sojourn on the surface of your planet I first learned the details of this legomonism which I have just repeated, I at once became interested in the deductions of this later Most High, Very Saintly Common-Cosmic Individual, Ashiata Shiemash, and since there existed no other legomonism nor any other source of information concerning his further very saintly activities among those favorites of yours, I resolved to investigate in detail and make entirely clear to myself what measures he had taken and how he had carried them out in order to help these unfortunates to free themselves from the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, which had passed to them by heredity and were so maleficent for them. "And so, as one of my chief tasks during this last sojourn of mine on the surface of your planet, I made a detailed investigation and elucidation of the further very saintly activities among your favorites of the Great EssenceLoving, now Most High, Very Saintly Common-Cosmic Individual, Ashiata Shiemash. "As regards the 'marble tablet' that by chance remained intact since the time of the very saintly activities of the Great Ashiata Shiemash, and is today the principal sacred relic of the brotherhood of initiated beings called the 'Olbogmek Brotherhood,' I happened, during this last stay of mine on your planet, to see and read what was engraved on it. "In the course of my subsequent investigations it turned out that, later on, when this Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash had established the particular conditions of ordinary being-existence he had planned, several of these tablets, on his

advice and initiative, were set up in appropriate places in many of the large towns, and upon them were engraved all kinds of precepts and counsels for a corresponding existence. "But later, when their big wars began again, all these tablets were destroyed by these strange beings themselves, with the exception of that one which has somehow remained intact, as I have already told you, and is now the property of this brotherhood. "On this surviving marble tablet was engraved an inscription concerning the sacred being-impulses called 'Faith,' 'Love,' and 'Hope,' which was as follows: FAITH, LOVE, AND HOPE

Faith of consciousness is freedom Faith of feeling is weakness Faith of body is stupidity Love of consciousness evokes the same in response Love of feeling evokes the opposite Love of body depends only on type and polarity Hope of consciousness is strength Hope of feeling is slavery Hope of body is disease "Before telling you more about the activities of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash for the welfare of your favorites, I must, I think, clarify for you at somewhat greater length the inner impulse they call 'hope,' about which the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash remarked that its case is even worse than that of the other two. "And the special observations and investigations I made later in regard to this strange and abnormal impulse clearly showed me that the factors engendering it in their presence are, in truth, most maleficent for them

"Thanks to this abnormal hope of theirs, a singular and very curious disease, with the property of evolving, arose and exists among them even until now—a disease called 'tomorrow.' "This strange disease, 'tomorrow,' has brought the most terrifying results, particularly for those unfortunate three-brained beings there who chance to learn, and become categorically convinced with the whole of their presence, that they possess some very undesirable consequences, and that in order to be delivered from these consequences it is indispensable for them to make certain efforts, which they even know just how to make but never succeed in making, on account of this maleficent disease, 'tomorrow.' "And indeed, that is just the maleficent part of this terrifying evil which, owing to various causes great and small, is concentrated in the process of the ordinary being-existence of these pitiable three-brained beings—that by putting off 'from tomorrow till tomorrow,' even those unfortunate beings who do by chance learn about all that I have mentioned are also deprived of the possibility of ever attaining anything real. "This disease, 'tomorrow,' so maleficent for your favorites, has become an obstacle for contemporary beings not only because it totally deprives them of all possibility of removing from their presence the crystallized consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, but also because it hinders most of them in honestly discharging even those being-obligations of theirs that are quite indispensable in the established conditions of ordinary being-existence. "Thanks to this disease, 'tomorrow,' the three-brained beings there, particularly the contemporary ones, almost always put off 'until later' everything that needs to be done at the moment, being convinced that 'later' they will do better and more. "Even

those

unfortunates

who,

either

by

chance

or

owing

to a conscious action from outside, become aware through their Reason of their complete nullity and begin to sense it with all their separate spiritualized parts, and who happen to learn what being-efforts must be made, and how to make them, in order to become such as is proper for three-brained beings to be—even these beings, by putting off 'from tomorrow till tomorrow,' almost all arrive at the point that one sorrowful day there arise and are manifest in them those forerunners of old age called 'feebleness' and 'infirmity,' which are the inevitable lot of all cosmic formations, great and small, toward the end of their completed existence. "Here I must not fail to tell you about the strange phenomenon I noted during my observations and studies of the almost entirely degenerate presence of those favorites of yours—that is to say, I definitely established that in many of them, toward the end of their planetary existence, most of the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer crystallized in their common presence atrophy of their own accord, and some of them even entirely disappear, thanks to which these beings begin to see and sense reality a little better. "In such cases there appears in the common presence of these favorites of yours a strong desire to work upon themselves—to work, as they say, for the 'salvation of their souls.' "But needless to say, nothing can result from such desires of theirs simply because it is already too late, the time allotted them for this purpose by Great Nature having already passed, and although they see and feel the necessity of making the required being-efforts, yet for the fulfillment of these desires they now have only 'ineffectual yearnings' and the 'lawful infirmities' of old age. "Well, my boy, my research and investigations concerning the further activities of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash

for the welfare of the three-brained beings arising and existing on this planet of yours made the following clear to me. "When this great, and as regards his Reason almost incomparable, Sacred Individual became definitely convinced that the sacred ways that exist for the purpose of self-perfection for all three-brained beings of the Universe were no longer suitable for the beings of the planet Earth, then, after his year of special observation and studies of their psyche, he again ascended that same Mount Vezniama, and for several terrestrial months contemplated and pondered how to carry out his decision, that is, to save the beings of this planet from their inherited predisposition to the crystallization of the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, by means of those data which remained intact in their subconscious for the fundamental sacred being-impulse, Conscience. "This pondering of his definitely convinced him that it would indeed be possible to save them by means of the data in their common presence for engendering this sacred being-impulse, but only if the manifestations of these data surviving in the subconscious were without fail to participate in the functioning of the consciousness under whose direction their daily waking existence flows, and furthermore, only if this being-impulse were to be manifested over a long period through every aspect of this consciousness of theirs.

CHAPTER 27

The order of existence created for men by the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash BEELZEBUB

went on to relate the following "My research and investigations

also made clear to me that after the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash had pondered on Mount Vezniama and had drawn up in his mind a definite plan for his further most saintly activities, he did not return to the city of Babylon but went straight to the city of 'Djoolfapal,' the capital of a country then called 'Kurlandtech' situated in the middle of the continent of Asia. "On arriving there, he first of all entered into relations with the brethren of the 'Tchaftantoori Brotherhood,' which had its place of existence not far from that city, and whose name signified 'To be—or not to be at all.' "This brotherhood was founded five of their years before the arrival of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash on the initiative of two terrestrial threebrained beings who had become genuine 'initiates' according to the principles existing before the 'Ashiatan' epoch. "One of these two terrestrial beings who had become genuine initiates was named Poundoliro and the other, Sensiminiriko. "You should know, by the way, that in the common presences of both of these genuine terrestrial initiates their highest being-parts had already been coated to the gradation called 'completion,' and that, during their further existence, they had time to perfect these highest parts of theirs to the required gradation of sacred Objective Reason, thus today, their perfected highest being-parts have become worthy to have, and in fact do have, the place of their existence on the Holy Planet Purgatory.

"My further exhaustive investigations showed that in all the separate spiritualized parts of the common presences of both of these three-brained beings, Poundoliro and Sensiminiriko, there arose and was continuously sensed the suspicion, which later became a conviction, that owing to some obviously nonlawful causes, 'something very undesirable' for them had been acquired and was functioning in their general organization and that, moreover, it was impossible for this very 'undesirable something' to be removed simply by means of the data present within them. They therefore decided to seek out some other beings like themselves who were striving for the same aim, so that they could try together to rid themselves of this very 'undesirable something.' "They soon found beings corresponding to this aim among the 'monks' dwelling in places called 'monasteries,' of which there were many at that period in the environs of the city of Djoolfapal. And with these monks whom they had chosen they founded the said brotherhood. "So, after arriving in Djoolfapal, the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash established relations with the brethren of the Tchaftantoori Brotherhood, who were already working on that abnormal functioning of their psyche which they themselves had observed; and he began to enlighten their Reason by means of objectively true ideas, and to guide their being-impulses in such a way that they could sense these truths without the least participation either of the undesirable factors already abnormally crystallized in their presence, or of any new factors that might arise from the results of external perceptions received from the abnormally established forms of ordinary being-existence. "While thus enlightening the brethren of this Tchaftantoori Brotherhood and discussing his suppositions and intentions with them, the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash was occupied with drawing up the 'rules' or, as is also said there, the 'statutes' for the brotherhood which, in association with

the brethren he had already initiated, he founded in the city of Djoolfapal, and which was later called the 'Heeshtvori Brotherhood,' a name signifying 'Only he will be called and become the son of God who acquires in himself Conscience. ' "Later, when everything had been worked out and organized with the participation of these brethren of the former Tchaftantoori Brotherhood, the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash sent these same brethren to various places and entrusted them, under his general guidance, with the task of spreading the idea that in the 'subconscious' of all men there are crystallized and always present the data manifested from Above for engendering in them the divine impulse of genuine Conscience, and that only he who acquires the 'ableness' to let the action of these data participate in the functioning of that consciousness in which he passes his everyday existence has, in an objective sense, the honest right to be called and really to be a genuine son of our Common Father Creator of all that exists. "These brethren preached this objective truth at first chiefly among the monks of the many monasteries in the environs of Djoolfapal, and later among the ordinary inhabitants of the city. "As a result of their preaching they first of all selected thirty-five serious and well-prepared what are called 'novices' for this Heeshtvori Brotherhood that they had founded in the city of Djoolfapal. "Thereafter, the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash, while continuing to enlighten the minds of the former brethren of the Tchaftantoori Brotherhood, also undertook, with the help of these brethren, to enlighten the Reason of those thirty-five 'novices.' "And so it continued for the whole of one of their years, and only after this did certain of the brethren of the former Tchaftantoori Brotherhood, as well as certain of the thirty-five 'novices,' gradually prove worthy to become what are

called 'all-rights-possessing brethren' of this first Heeshtvori Brotherhood. "According to the statutes drawn up by the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash, any one of them could become an 'all-rights-possessing brother' of the Heeshtvori Brotherhood only when, in addition to the attainment of certain other also foreseen objective merits, he could bring himself—in the sense of the 'ableness consciously to direct the functioning of his own psyche'—to the state of knowing how to convince to perfection a hundred other beings, and to prove to them first that the factor for the impulse of Objective Conscience exists in man, and second how this impulse must be manifested in order that he may respond to the real sense and aim of his existence, moreover, so to convince them that each of these others, in his turn, would acquire in himself the necessary 'intensity of ableness' to convince no fewer than a hundred others also. "It was those who became worthy to be such 'all-rights-possessing brethren' of the Heeshtvori Brotherhood who were first given the name of 'priest.' "For your better comprehension of the very saintly activities of Ashiata Shiemash, you must also know that afterward, when all the results of his saintly labors were destroyed, this word 'priest,' as well as the word 'initiate' about which I have already told you, was used and continues to be used by your favorites down to the present time in two quite different senses. "In one sense the word 'priest' was and still is commonly used—but only in certain places—for unimportant separate groups of those professionals existing there whom everybody now calls 'confessors' or 'clergymen.' "And in the other sense, the word 'priest' was used and still is used to designate those beings who, by their pious existence and by the merits of their deeds performed for the

good of those around them, stand out so much from the rank and file of the ordinary three-brained beings there that whenever they remember them there arises in their presence the process called 'gratitude. ' "Already during that period, while the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash was enlightening the Reason of the brethren of the former Tchaftantoori Brotherhood and of the newly collected thirty-five 'novices,' there began to spread among the ordinary beings of the city of Djoolfapal and its environs the true idea that in the common presence of men-beings all the data exist for the manifestation of the divine impulse of Conscience, but that this divine impulse does not take part in their general consciousness, and that it takes no part because certain of their manifestations, while bringing them various 'immediate satisfactions, destined to be paid for later,' and numerous material advantages, nevertheless gradually atrophy the data put into their presence by Nature for evoking in other beings around them, without distinction of 'brain system,' the objective impulse of divine Love. "This true information began to spread thanks chiefly to the ideally wise foresight of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash, which obliged, as I have already told you, each one striving to become an 'all-rights-possessing brother' of the Heeshtvori Brotherhood to attain, in addition to many definite self-earned 'merits,' the 'ableness' to bring the three separate spiritualized and associating parts of a further hundred three-brained beings there to sense the divine impulse of Conscience. "When the organization of the first Heeshtvori Brotherhood in the city of Djoolfapal had been more or less regulated, and was established in such a way that the further work could be carried on independently, simply under the direction of the Reason of the brethren present in the brotherhood, the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash himself then set

about choosing from among the 'all-rights-possessing brothers' those who had begun, consciously by their Reason and unconsciously by their feelings, to sense this divine impulse in their subconscious, and who were fully convinced that by certain efforts upon themselves this divine being-impulse might become and remain forever an inseparable part of their ordinary consciousness And those who had sensed and become aware of this divine impulse of Conscience, and who were called 'first-degree initiates,' he set apart, and he began to enlighten their Reason separately concerning 'objective truths' which up till then had been quite unknown to the three-brained beings of that planet. "And it was these 'first-degree initiates' whom he had set apart from the others who were the first to be called 'great initiates.' "You should note that at that time all the principles of Being of the initiated beings there were renewed by the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash and later came to be called 'Ashiata's renewals. ' "Well then, it was to those same 'great initiates' who were first set apart that the Very Saintly, now Most Saintly, Ashiata Shiemash then explained in detail, among other things, what this being-impulse of Objective Conscience is, and how factors for its manifestation arise in the presence of three-brained beings. "And concerning this he once said the following " 'The factors for the beingimpulse of Objective Conscience arise in three-brained beings from the localization in their presence of particles of the "emanations of the sorrow" of our All-Loving and Long-Suffering, Endless Creator, that is why the source of manifestation of genuine Conscience in three-centered beings is sometimes called the "Representative of the Creator. " "

'And

this

sorrow

is

formed

in

our

All-Maintaining

Common Father from the struggle constantly proceeding in the Universe between joy and sorrow. ' "And he said further: 'In all the three-centered beings of our entire Universe without exception, including us men, owing to the data crystallized in our common presence for engendering in us the divine impulse of Conscience, "all of us" and the whole of our essence in its very foundation are and must be only suffering. 'And we must be suffering, because this being-impulse can come to its full manifestation in us only through the constant struggle between two quite opposite 'complexes of functioning' issuing from two sources of quite opposite origin, namely between the processes of the functioning of our planetary body and the parallel processes of the functionings arising progressively from the coating and perfecting of our higher being-bodies within this planetary body of ours, which processes in their totality actualize every kind of Reason in three-centered beings. " 'Consequently, like all three-centered beings of our Great Universe, we men existing on the Earth, owing to the presence in us also of the factors for engendering the divine impulse of Objective Conscience, must always inev­ itably struggle with the two quite opposite functionings arising and proceeding in our common presence, the results of which are always sensed by us either as "desires" or as "nondesires." " 'And so, only he who consciously assists the process of this inner struggle, and consciously assists the "nondesires" to prevail over the "desires," behaves in accordance with the Being of our Common Father Creator Himself, whereas he who consciously assists the contrary only increases His sorrow.

"So, my boy, owing to everything I have just told you, scarcely three years passed before all the ordinary beings of the city of Djoolfapal and its environs, and even of many countries of the continent of Asia, not only knew that this divine being-impulse of genuine Conscience existed in them and that it could take part in the functioning of their ordinary 'waking consciousness' and that, in all the brotherhoods of the great prophet Ashiata Shiemash the initiates and priests were elucidating and indicating what had to be done and how it had to be done in order to attain this, but what is more, almost all of them began to strive and to exert themselves in order to become priests of the Heeshtvori Brotherhood, many branches of which were founded at that period on the continent of Asia, each one functioning almost independently. "And these almost independent brotherhoods arose in the following order: "When the common work of the brotherhood founded in the city of Djoolfapal had finally been established, the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash began to send the aforementioned 'great initiates' with appropriate instructions to organize similar brotherhoods in other countries and towns of the continent of Asia, while he himself remained in Djoolfapal, and from there he guided the activities of these helpers of his. "However it may have been, my boy, it turned out that almost all your favorites, those strange three-brained beings, wished and began to strive with all their spiritualized being-parts to have divine Objective Conscience in their ordinary waking consciousness That is to say, most of the beings of Asia of that time began to work upon themselves under the guidance of initiates and priests of the Heeshtvori Brotherhood, in order to transfer into their ordinary consciousness the results of the data present in their subconscious for en-

gendering the impulse of genuine divine Conscience and thereby, on the one hand, to have the possibility of completely removing from themselves, perhaps forever, the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, maleficent not only for them personally but also for subsequent generations to whom these properties would pass by heredity and, on the other hand, to have the possibility of consciously taking part in diminishing the sorrow of our Common Endless Father. "Owing to all this, at that period, particularly on the continent of Asia, the question of Conscience began to predominate during the ordinary process of being-existence of your favorites, both in the 'state of waking consciousness' and in the 'passive-instinctive state.' "Even those three-brained beings of that time in whose presence the taste of this divine impulse had not yet been transubstantiated, and who in their very strange consciousness, proper to them alone, had only the barest indications about this being-impulse which could be present in them as well, also tried to manifest themselves in everything according to these indications. "The upshot of it all was that within ten terrestrial years there had disappeared of their own accord the two chief forms of abnormally established ordinary being-existence there, from which flowed and continue to flow most of the maleficent causes that increasingly prevent the establishment of conditions for at least a normal outer being-existence for your unfortunate favorites. "In the first place, their division into numerous communities, with various forms of organization for external and even internal existence which they call 'state organizations,' disappeared of itself and, in the second place, there also disappeared in the same way those various what are

called 'castes' or 'classes' that had long before been established in these numerous communities of theirs. "In my opinion, it was the second of these two chief forms of abnormally established ordinary being-existence, namely, the assigning of each other to different classes or castes, that had become, as you will surely understand for yourself later, the basis for the gradual crystallization in the common pres­ ence of your favorites of a particular psychic property that in the whole of the Universe is inherent exclusively in the presence of those three-brained beings. "This unique property was formed in them soon after the second transapalnian perturbation and, gradually developing and becoming stronger in them, passed from generation to generation by heredity, until it reached contemporary beings as a lawful and inseparable part of their general psyche, and this particular property they call 'egoism.' "Sometime later, at an appropriate place in my further tales about the three-brained beings of the planet Earth, I will explain to you in detail how, thanks to the abnormal conditions of external being-existence established there, your favorites first began assigning each other to various castes and how subsequently, thanks again to similar abnormalities, this maleficent form of mutual relationship has persisted until today But meanwhile you should know that the cause of the arising in their common presence of this unique property of 'egoism' was that, owing as always to those abnormally established conditions, soon after the second transapalnian perturbation their general psyche became dual. "This became fully evident to me during my last sojourn on the surface of this planet of yours, when I began to be deeply interested in the legomonism concerning the deliberations of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash entitled 'The Terror of the Situation ' In the course of my detailed research

and investigations relating to his subsequent very saintly activities and their results, the question arose in me of how and why those factors, obtained from the particles of the emanations of the sorrow of our Common Father Creator for the actualizing in their presence of the divine being-impulse of Objective Conscience, were crystallized just in their 'subconscious,' and so avoided that final degeneration of all the data placed in them for engendering the beingimpulses of Faith, Hope, and Love And this strange anomaly, by the way, fully justifies one of the numerous wise sayings of our highly esteemed, irreplaceable, and honorable Mullah Nasr Eddin, which states: 'Every real happiness for man can arise exclusively from some unhappiness—also real—which he has already experienced. "This duality of their general psyche is produced because, on the one hand, various what are called 'individual initiatives' issue from that localization in their presence which is always predominant during their waking existence and is nothing but the result of accidentally perceived impressions coming from their abnormal environment, which taken as a whole make up their so-called 'consciousness', and on the other hand, various other 'individual initiatives' simultaneously issue from that normal localization existing in the presence of every kind of being which they call the 'subconscious.' "And because these 'individual initiatives' issue from two different localizations, each of your favorites in his daily waking existence is, as it were, divided into two independent personalities. "Here it must be remarked that this duality was also the reason why their presence gradually lost that impulse, indispensable to three-brained beings, called 'sincerity.' "Later, the practice even took root among them of inten-

tionally suppressing this being-impulse called 'sincerity', and now, from the day of their arising or, as they say, from the day of their !birth,' these threebrained beings are accustomed by their producers—or, as they say, their 'parents'— to an entirely contrary impulse, namely 'deceit.' "To teach and influence their children how to be insincere with others and deceitful in everything has become so ingrained in the beings of the planet Earth of the present time that they even consider this their duty toward their children, and they describe this conduct by the famous word 'education.' "They 'educate' their children never to be able and never to dare to do as the conscience present in them instinctively directs, but only to do what is prescribed in the manuals of 'bon ton' usually compiled by various candidate­ hasnamusses. "And of course by the time these children grow up and become responsible beings, they already manifest themselves and act automatically just as they were taught during their formation, just as was suggested to them, and just as they were 'wound up'—in short, just as they were 'educated ' "Thanks to all this, the conscience that might be in the consciousness of the beings of that planet is, from their earliest infancy, gradually driven back within, so that by the time they are grown up this conscience is found only in what they call their 'subconscious. ' "And the functioning of the aforementioned data for engendering in their presence this divine impulse of Conscience gradually ceased long ago to participate in that consciousness under the direction of which their 'waking existence' flows. "That is why, my boy, the crystallization in their common presence of the divine manifestation issuing from Above, forming the data for the arising of this sacred being-impulse, takes place only in their 'subconscious,' which has ceased to participate in the process of their ordinary daily existence,

so that these data have escaped the degeneration undergone by all the other sacred being-impulses that they also ought to have in their presence, namely, the impulses of Faith, Hope, and Love. "Furthermore if, for some reason or other, the action of the divine data crystallized in their presence for this being-impulse begins to manifest itself in certain of them from their 'subconscious,' and strives to participate in the func­ tioning of their abnormally formed 'ordinary consciousness,' then no sooner are they aware of this than they at once take all sorts of measures to avoid it, because in the conditions now prevailing there it has become impossible for anyone to exist with the functioning in his presence of this divine impulse of genuine Objective Conscience. "Ever since 'egoism' became firmly implanted in the presence of your favorites, this unique being-property became, in its turn, the main contributing factor for the gradual crystallization in their general psyche of the data for the arising of several other exceptionally peculiar being-impulses, now existing there under the names of 'cunning,' 'envy,' 'hate,' 'hypocrisy,' 'contempt,' 'haughtiness,' 'servility,' 'slyness,' 'ambition,' 'duplicity,' and so on and so forth. "These exceptionally peculiar properties of their psyche which I have just named, utterly unbecoming to three-brained beings, were already fully crystallized in the presence of most of your favorites, and had become the inevitable attributes of the psyche of every one of them long before the period of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash, but when the new forms of existence, intentionally created by Ashiata Shiemash himself, began to be fixed and to flow automatically in the process of their being-existence, these strange psychic properties entirely disappeared from the presence of most of the threebrained beings there Later, however, when they themselves destroyed all the results of the very saintly labors of this Essence-Loving Ashiata Shiemash,

these same maleficent psychic properties gradually arose again in all of them and, in the contemporary three-brained beings there, they are the foundation of the whole of their essence. "And so, my boy, when the data arose in the common presence of your favorites for engendering this peculiar being-impulse of egoism, this 'unique property'—evolving gradually and giving rise to factors for other, also peculiar, but secondary being-impulses—took the place of a Unique AllAutocratic Ruler in their general organization; and then, not only every manifestation of that divine being-impulse of Conscience but even the faintest stirring of that impulse became a hindrance to the actions of this AllAutocratic Ruler And later, when your favorites felt obliged, consciously or unconsciously, always and in everything, to prevent the sacred impulse from taking part in the functioning of that consciousness under the control of which it had become proper for them to pass their waking existence, the action of those divine data was gradually, as it were, 'diverted' from the functioning of their ordinary consciousness and participated only in the functioning of their 'subconscious.' "And it was only after my detailed research and investigations had made all this clear to me, that I understood why there arose and still exists that division of themselves into various 'classes' or 'castes' which has such maleficent consequences for them. "Later detailed investigations also showed me very definitely and clearly that in that consciousness which they call the 'subconscious,' even in the beings of the present time the data for the acquisition in their presence of this fundamental divine impulse of Conscience do indeed continue to be crystallized and hence to be present during the whole of their existence.

"The fact that these data for the divine being-impulse are still crystallized and that their manifestations continue to participate in the process of their being-existence was further confirmed, apart from the aforesaid investigations, by the difficulty I frequently had on account of it during my observations of them from the planet Mars. "The point is that, although I could freely observe the existence proceeding on the surface of the other planets of that solar system through my teskooano on the planet Mars without any difficulty whatsoever, my observations of the process of existence of your favorites was at times a real misery, owing to the special coloration of the atmosphere of the planet Earth. "And this special coloration occurred, as I later ascertained, because from time to time there appear in the presence of this atmosphere large quantities of those crystallizations which are frequently radiated from the presence of these favorites of yours when they are moved by the particular inner impulse which they call 'remorse of conscience. ' "And this is because, when they happen to receive and experience some kind of moral shock, the associations proceeding in them from impressions previously perceived— associations that consist mainly, as I have already told you, of various kinds of rubbish—almost always become changed, calmed, and even for a time entirely cease. "In consequence, there automatically takes place in the common presence of these three-brained beings there a combination of functioning that frees the data present in their 'subconscious' for the manifestation of the divine impulse of Objective Conscience and temporarily allows it to participate in the functioning of their ordinary consciousness, with the result that this 'remorse of conscience' begins to proceed in them And the 'remorse of conscience' thus produced in your favorites gives rise to those particular crys-

tallizations I have mentioned, which issue from them mixed with other radiations, and it is the totality of these radiations that gives the atmosphere of your planet that special coloration which hinders the being-function of sight from penetrating freely through it. "Here it is necessary to say that these favorites of yours, particularly the contemporary ones, have become experts in preventing this inner impulse of theirs called 'remorse of conscience' from lingering long in their common presence. "No sooner do they begin to sense a twinge or even the slightest 'prick' of the arising of the functioning in them of this being-impulse than they immediately 'squash' it, whereupon this impulse, not yet quite formed in them, promptly subsides. "For 'squashing' the first stirring of any remorse of conscience in themselves, they have even invented some very effective special means which now exist there under the names of 'alcoholism,' 'cocainism,' 'morphinism,' 'nicotinism,' 'onanism,' 'monkism,' 'Athenianism,' and others with names also ending in 'ism. ' "Sometime later, my boy, on a suitable occasion, I shall also tell you in detail, as I promised, about those results of the abnormally established conditions of ordinary existence there that become factors for the arising and perpetuating of this maleficent assignment of each other to various castes. "I will without fail explain this to you, because the information about this abnormality may serve as very good data for a better understanding of the strangeness of the psyche of these three-brained beings who please you. "Meanwhile listen attentively and try to assimilate the following when the particular psychic property of 'egoism' had been completely formed in the common presence of these favorites of yours and had given rise—as it still continues to do—to various secondary impulses of which I have

told you, and furthermore, when the impulse of sacred Conscience had entirely ceased to take part in their waking consciousness, these three-brained beings arising and existing on the planet Earth, both before and after the period of the very saintly activities of Ashiata Shiemash, have always striven to organize their welfare during the process of their ordinary existence exclusively for them themselves. "And as in general there never is, nor can there be on any of the planets of our Great Universe enough of everything required for the equal external welfare of everyone, irrespective of what are called 'objective merits,' the result is that the prosperity of some is always built on the adversity of others. "It is this exclusive regard for their own personal welfare that has gradually crystallized in their psyche the quite peculiar and unprecedented properties I cited such as 'cunning,' 'contempt,' 'hate,' 'servility,' 'lying,' 'flattery,' and so on, which, on the one hand, are factors for outer manifestations unbecoming to three-brained beings, and on the other are causes of the gradual destruction of all those inner possibilities, placed in them by Great Nature, of becoming particles of the whole of the Reasonable Whole. "Well then, my boy, when the results of the very saintly labors of the Essence-Loving Ashiata Shiemash had begun to blend with the processes of both their inner and outer being-existence, and when thanks to this the data for the divine impulse of Conscience, surviving in their 'subconscious,' shared more and more in the functioning of their 'waking consciousness,' then their being-existence, both personal and in their relations with others, began to proceed on this planet almost as it does on the other planets of our Great Universe on which three-brained beings exist. "These favorites of yours then began to behave toward one another as toward the manifestations, differing only in

degree, of a Unique Common Creator, and showed respect for one another only according to the merits personally attained by means of 'being­ partkdolgduty,' that is, by means of personal conscious labor and intentional suffering. "That is why, during that period there ceased to exist those two chief maleficent forms of their ordinary existence, namely, their division into separate independent communities and the division of themselves within these communities into different 'castes' or 'classes.' "At that time also, all the three-brained beings on your planet began to consider themselves and to consider those like them simply as beings bearing in themselves particles of the emanations of the sorrow of our Common Father Creator. "And all this came about because, when the action of the data for the divine being-impulse was participating in the functioning of their 'ordinary waking consciousness,' and the three-brained beings began behaving toward one another solely in accordance with Conscience, the consequence was that masters ceased to deprive their slaves of freedom, and power-possessing beings of their own accord relinquished their unmerited rights, having realized and felt by conscience that they exercised these rights and occupied these positions not for the common welfare but only for the satisfaction of their various personal weaknesses, such as 'vanity,' 'self-love,' 'self-calming,' and so on. "Of course, at that period there also continued to be all kinds of 'chiefs,' 'directors,' and 'specialist-advisors,' but just as on all planets of the Universe inhabited by three-brained beings of varying degrees of self-perfecting, they occupied these positions chiefly from difference of age and from what is called 'essence-power,' instead of through hereditary right or by election, as was the case both before and after this blissful Ashiatan epoch and is the case today.

"All these chiefs, directors, and advisors then became such of themselves, in the lawful course of events, in accordance with the objective merits they personally acquired, which could be sensed as real by all the beings around them. "And this took place as follows:

"All the beings of that planet then began to work in order to have in their

consciousness this divine function of genuine Conscience, and for this purpose, as everywhere in the Universe, they transubstantiated in themselves what are called the 'being-obligolnian strivings' of which there are five, namely. "The first striving to have in one's ordinary being-existence everything satisfying and really necessary for the planetary body. "The second striving to have a constant and unflagging instinctive need to perfect oneself in the sense of Being. "The third the conscious striving to know ever more and more about the laws of world-creation and world-maintenance. "The fourth the striving, from the beginning of one's existence, to pay as quickly as possible for one's arising and individuality, in order afterward to be free to lighten as much as possible the sorrow of our Common Father. "And the fifth the striving always to assist the most rapid perfecting of other beings, both those similar to oneself and those of other forms, up to the degree of the sacred 'Mart-fotai,' that is, up to the degree of self-individuality "During this period, when every terrestrial three-centered being existed and worked consciously upon himself in accordance with these five strivings, many of them, thanks to this, soon reached objective attainments perceptible to others. "The objective attainments of these beings of course attracted the attention of all those around them, who there-

upon made those who had attained these merits stand out from their midst and paid them every kind of respect, Joyfully trying to merit the attention of these outstanding beings and to receive their indications and counsel as to how they likewise could perfect themselves. "These outstanding beings, in their turn, then began to make the one with the highest attainments among themselves stand out, and this outstanding being, without hereditary or other right, automatically became the chief of them all And corresponding to his recognition as chief, his directions were widely circulated not only on neighboring parts of the surface of your planet but also on other continents and islands. "At that period the counsel and guidance and, in general, every word of these chiefs became sacred law for all the three-brained beings there, and were followed with devotion and joy—contrary to what had proceeded there before the results obtained by the very saintly labors of Ashiata Shiemash, and to what again took place after they themselves had destroyed the fruits of these labors. "That is to say, these strange favorites of yours now carry out the various commands and injunctions of their chiefs and, as they call them, 'kings,' only from fear of what are called 'bayonets' and 'lousy cells,' of which there are a great many at the disposal of these chiefs and kings. "The results of the very saintly labors of Ashiata Shiemash also had definite repercussions on that terrible manifestation peculiar to the psyche of your favorites, namely, their 'irresistible urge periodically to destroy each other's existence. "The process of reciprocal destruction established there, ensuing from that terrible particularity of their psyche, entirely ceased on the continent of Asia, and took place only occasionally on those large and small territories of that planet of yours that were far away from this continent and where, because of the great distance, the influence of the 'initiates.'

and 'priests' could not reach and be transubstantiated in the presence of the beings breeding on these parts of the surface of your planet. "But the most astonishing and significant result of the very saintly labors of Ashiata Shiemash was that at that period not only did the duration of the existence of these unfortunates become a little more normal—that is to say, it began to increase, while what they call the 'death rate' fell —but at the same time the number of results for the continuation of their species diminished, that is, their 'birth rate,' as they say, also fell by at least a fifth. "Thereby there was practically demonstrated one of the cosmic laws called the 'law of the equilibration of vibrations,' that is, vibrations arising from the evolution and involution of the cosmic substances required for the Most Great Omnicosmic Trogoautoegocrat. "This decline in both their 'death rate' and 'birth rate' came about because, as their existence became approximately normal for three-centered beings, they also began to radiate from themselves vibrations corresponding more closely to the requirements of Great Nature, thanks to which, Nature had less need of those vibrations that are obtained from the destruction of the existence of beings. "You will also fully understand this cosmic law of the equilibration of vibrations when at the proper time I explain to you in detail, as I have so often promised, all the fundamental cosmic laws. "It was just in this way, my boy, and in this sequence, that there was gradually created, thanks to the conscious labors of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash, a welfare unprecedented for your favorites, but to the infinite sorrow of all more or less consciously thinking individuals of all gradations of Reason, shortly after the departure from this planet of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash, these unfortunates themselves, as had become proper to them with

regard to every good attainment of their ancestors, totally destroyed it all, and thus it was they destroyed and swept away from the face of their planet all that beneficence, so that even the rumor has failed to reach contemporary beings that once upon a time such bliss existed. "Certain inscriptions, however, which have survived from ancient times and have reached contemporary beings, contain some information that there once existed on their planet a special kind of 'state organization,' at the head of which were beings of the highest attainments. "And on the basis of this information, the contemporary beings have merely invented a name for this 'state organization', they call it a 'priest-state,' and let it go at that. "But what this 'priest-state' was, and why it existed is it not all the same to contemporary beings of the planet Earth what 'ancient savages' did!"

CHAPTER 28

The chief culprit in the destruction of all the Very Saintly Labors of Ashiata Shiemash

"You REMEMBER, my boy, I have already told you that the 'learned beings' then assembled in the city of Babylon from almost the whole surface of the Earth were not primarily to blame for the arising of the factors that caused the final destruction of the surviving beneficent results of the conscious labors of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash for later generations of your favorites, but as had long before become proper to most of the terrestrial 'learned beings of new formation,' they were merely, like 'contagious bacilli,' the unconscious dissemmators of every kind of already existing evil among their own and subsequent generations. "The basis of all the great and small maleficent activities of those 'learned' beings and of all their unconscious harmful manifestations leading to the destruction of the last remnants of the results, so beneficent for the threebrained beings there, of the very saintly conscious labors of the EssenceLoving Ashiata Shiemash was, as my further detailed research on his saintly activities showed me, the 'invention' of a learned being, well known in his day, who was also a 'learned being of new formation,' named Lentrohamsanin. "Thanks to the double 'center of gravity' of his inner existence, the 'highest being-part' of the presence of this terrestrial three-brained being was coated and perfected up to the required gradation of Objective Reason, and later this highest being-part became, as I once told you, one of those 313 'highest beingbodies' who are called 'Eternal Hasnamuss Individuals' and who have the place of their further

existence in the Universe on a small planet named 'Eternal Retribution.' "Strictly speaking, as regards this terrestrial three-brained being Lentrohamsanin, I should now have to keep my promise and explain to you fully the expression 'hasnamuss,' but I prefer to do so a little later at the proper place in the flow of my tale. "The maleficent 'invention' or, as contemporary terrestrial learned beings of new formation would say, the 'composition' or even the 'creation' of that learned being was actualized, as I have already told you, at least two centuries before the time when during my fifth sojourn I first visited the city of Babylon, where learned beings were assembled, partly by coercion and partly voluntarily, from almost the whole surface of the planet. "This maleficent 'invention' of that learned being of a former period reached the learned beings of the Babylonian epoch by means of what is called a 'kashireitleer,' inscribed by Lentrohamsanin with his own hand. "I find it necessary to give you a few details about the arising of this Lentrohamsanin and how, thanks to the accidental circumstances of his environment, he later became a 'great learned being' and an authority for his contemporaries almost everywhere on the surface of your planet. "This very characteristic story can serve as an excellent example of a practice, long ago firmly established in the process of existence of these three-brained beings who have taken your fancy, by which some of them become so to say 'authorities,' at first for other 'learned beings of new for­ mation' and then for all the unfortunate ordinary beings there. "It was by chance that I came upon the details concerning the conditions of Lentrohamsanin's arising and subsequent formation into a responsible being, while I was trying to

find out which aspects of the strange psyche of your favorites had led to the gradual change, and finally to the total destruction, of all those beneficent forms introduced and fixed in the process of their being-existence by the ideally foreseeing Reason of our now Omnicosmic, Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash, during the period of his self-preparation to be what he now is for the whole of the Universe. "It was then that I learned that this Lentrohamsanin arose or, as is said there, was 'born' on the continent of Asia in the city of 'Kronbookhon,' the capital of 'Nievia.' "His conception resulted from the blending of two heterogeneous 'exioëharies' formed in two already elderly three-brained 'keschapmartnian' beings. "His 'producers' or, as they say, his 'parents,' having chosen the capital of Nievia as their place of permanent existence, had moved there three terrestrial years before the arising of that future Universal Hasnamuss. "He was the first-born of his elderly and very rich parents, for although the blending of their exioëharies had been actualized many times before, yet, as I found out, they were so absorbed in acquiring riches that they did not wish to be hindered in this pursuit, and always had recourse, at each actualization of this sacred blending, to what is called 'toosy' or, as your contemporary favorites express it, 'abortion. ' "By the time the source of the 'active principle of his origin,' in other words his father, had built up his fortune, he had several 'caravans' of his own as well as 'caravanserais' for bartering goods in various cities of Nievia. "As for the source of the 'passive principle of his origin,' that is, his mother, she at first followed the profession of what is called 'toosidji,' but later she organized a 'holy place' on a small mountain, and spread propaganda about its supposed significance, which was that childless beings of the female sex, on visiting this place, would become able to conceive

"When this couple, in what is called their 'declining years,' had become very rich, they moved to the city of Kronbookhon to exist there solely for their own pleasure. "But soon they felt that without a real 'result,' that is, 'without a child,' pleasure could never be complete, and from that time on, without sparing any money, they took every possible measure to obtain such a 'result. ' "With this in view, they visited all sorts of holy places maintained for that purpose, with the exception, of course, of their own 'holy mountain,' and tried every kind of 'medical means' that purported to aid the blending of heteroge­ neous exioëharies And when by chance this blending actually took place, there finally arose that long-awaited result of theirs, later called Lentrohamsanin. "From the very first, his parents were completely wrapped up in what they described as their 'God-sent result,' or son, and spent vast sums on his pleasures and on what is called his 'education. ' "Their ideal was to give him the very best upbringing and education the Earth could provide. "For this purpose they engaged what are called 'tutors' and 'teachers,' both from their own country of Nievia and from various distant lands. "The foreign 'tutors' and 'teachers' were brought there chiefly from the country today called 'Egypt. ' "By the time this 'papa's and mama's darling' was nearing the age of responsible being he was already, as they say there, 'very well brought up' and 'educated', that is, he had in his presence a great many data for all kinds of 'egoplastikoori' consisting, as usual, of fantastic and dubious information, and later, when he reached responsible age in the abnormally established conditions of existence there, he responded automatically to all kinds of corresponding accidental shocks. "When this future great learned being reached responsible age he had indeed a great deal of information or, as it is

called there, 'knowledge', nevertheless in relation to this information or 'knowledge' he had acquired no Being whatever. "Well, on the one hand because of the total lack of Being in his presence and on the other hand because there were already thoroughly crystallized in him those consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer called 'vanity,' 'self-love,' 'swaggering,' and so forth, this 'mama's and papa's darling,' having become a learned being of new formation, had the ambition to be considered a 'famous scientist'—not only among the beings of Nievia but also over the whole of the surface of their planet. "So, with all his presence he dreamed and ruminated about how he could attain this. "He spent many days in serious thought, and finally decided first of all to invent a theory about some question nobody before him had ever touched upon, and then to inscribe this invention of his upon a 'kashireitleer,' the likes of which had never been inscribed upon before, nor ever could be in the future. "And from that day on he set to work to carry out that decision of his. "With the help of his many slaves he first prepared such a 'kashireitleer' as had never existed before. "In those days on the planet Earth, 'kashireitleers' were usually made from one or another part of the hide of a quadruped being called 'buffalo,' but Lentrohamsanin made his 'kashireitleer' from a hundred buffalo hides joined together. "By the way, 'kashireitleers' were later replaced by what is called 'parchment.' "Well, when this unprecedented kashireitleer was ready, the future great Lentrohamsanin inscribed upon it his invention concerning a question that indeed had never entered

anybody's head before, nor was there any reason why it should have. "That is to say, in these wiseacrings of his he criticized in every way the prevailing order of collective existence. "This kashireitleer began thus:

" 'Man's greatest happiness consists in not being dependent on any other

person, whoever it may be, and in being free from the influence of anyone whatsoever!' "Some other time, my boy, I will explain to you how your favorites on the planet Earth generally understand 'freedom.' "The inscription of this future Universal Hasnamuss went on as follows: " 'Undeniably, life under the present state organization is far better for us than it used to be, but where then is that real freedom which we need to bring us happiness? " 'Don't we work and toil as much now as we did under any former state organization? " 'Do we not have to labor and sweat to get enough barley to keep us alive and not starve to death-like chained dogs? 'Our lords and masters and pastors are always harping upon some other world, supposedly so much better than this one, where life is wholly blissful for the souls of those men who have lived worthily here on Earth 'Don't we live here worthily now? 'Don't we constantly labor and sweat for our daily bread? 'If all that our masters and pastors tell us is true and if their own way of living here on Earth really corresponds to what is required of their souls for the other world, surely God ought to, and even must, give them more possibilities in this world than to us ordinary mortals. " 'If everything that our leaders and counselors tell us and try to make us believe is really true, let them prove it to us ordinary mortals by facts.

" 'Let them prove it to us, for instance, by changing a pinch of common sand into bread—the very sand in which, thanks to the sweat of our brow, the barley grows for our daily bread. 'Let our present leaders and counselors do this, and I will be the first to fall on my knees and kiss their feet. " 'But meanwhile, things being as they are, we ourselves must struggle and we ourselves must strive for our real happiness and real freedom, and liberate ourselves from the need to toil and sweat. " 'True, for eight months of the year we have no trouble obtaining our daily bread, but how we must work ourselves to the bone during those four summer months getting the barley we need.' " 'Only he who sows and reaps the barley knows what hard labor it takes. " 'True, for eight months we are free, but only from physical labors, while our consciousness, namely, our dearest and highest part, is the slave, day and night, of these illusory ideas always being dinned into us by our masters and pastors. 'No, enough.' We ourselves, without our present leaders and counselors, who have become such without our consent, must strive for our real freedom and our real happiness. 'And we can obtain real freedom and happiness only if we all act as one, that is, "all for one and one for all " But first we must destroy everything that is old. " 'And we must do this to make room for the new life we ourselves shall create, which will give us real freedom and real happiness. " 'Down with dependence on others!

" 'We ourselves will be the masters of our own destiny and no longer those

who rule our lives without our knowledge and without our consent. " 'Our lives must be governed and guided by those whom

we ourselves shall elect from our midst, that is, only from those who themselves toil for their daily bread. " 'And we must elect these governors and leaders on the basis of equal rights without distinction of sex or age, by universal, direct, equal, and open ballot. "Thus ended that famous kashireitleer. "When this future Universal Hasnamuss, Lentrohamsanin, had finished inscribing his wiseacrings on this unprecedented kashireitleer, he arranged an enormous and costly banquet to which he invited the 'learned beings' from all over Nievia, taking upon himself all their traveling expenses, and at the end of the feast he showed them his kashireitleer. "The 'learned beings' gathered at that free banquet from almost the whole of Nievia were at first so flabbergasted at the sight of that unique kashireitleer that they were, as is said there, !struck dumb,' and it was only after some time that they began to look at each other with amazement and to exchange opinions in whispers. "Above all they asked one another how it was possible that not a single being, ordinary or learned, had known or guessed that in their own country there existed a learned being with such knowledge. "Suddenly the oldest one of them, and the most renowned, jumped up on the table like a boy, and with the intonation long since proper to the learned beings of new formation, which has also reached contemporary learned beings, proclaimed the following: 'Listen, all of you, and try to realize that we, assembled here as representatives of the beings of the Earth—we who have already, thanks to our great knowledge, attained independent individuality—now have the privilege of being the first to behold with our own eyes the coming of a Mes­ siah of divine consciousness, sent from Above to reveal world truths to us '

"Thereupon began that pernicious reciprocal 'praising to the skies' which has always been practiced among the 'learned beings of new formation' and which prevents any true knowledge that happens to reach them from evolving there as it does everywhere else in the Universe, if only through the passage of time, on the contrary, owing to this maleficent practice, even the knowledge already attained is destroyed, and its possessors become shallower and shallower. "Well then, all the learned beings began shouting and pushing each other in order to get near Lentrohamsanin, and hailing him as their 'long-awaited Messiah,' they expressed to him by their admiring glances the extent of what is called their 'high titillation. ' "The most interesting thing about all this is the reason why these learned beings were so worked up and gave vent so freely to their learned 'snivelings,' which was that there had been formed in the psyche of your favorites, thanks as always to the same abnormally established conditions of ordinary existence, a certain extremely strange conviction that anyone who becomes a follower of a well-known and important being will appear to others to be almost as well known and important himself. "So, on the strength of his being very rich, and what is more now very famous, all the other learned beings of the country of Nievia immediately expressed their approval of this Lentrohamsanin. "Well, my dear boy, no sooner had the learned scientists of Nievia returned home after this banquet than they began talking, at first to their neighbors and later here, there, and everywhere, about that extraordinary kashireitleer, and, foaming at the mouth, they asserted and proved to everybody the truth of those 'revelations' which the great Lentrohamsanin had inscribed upon this kashireitleer.

"The result of it all was that the ordinary beings of the city of Kronbookhon, as well as of other cities of Nievia, talked among themselves of nothing but these 'revelations.' "And gradually, as usually happens there almost everywhere, beings became divided into two opposing parties, one of which favored the 'invention' of the future Universal Hasnamuss, and the other the already well established forms of being-existence. "Thus it continued for almost a whole terrestrial year, during which the ranks of the contending parties increased everywhere, while toward each other one of their specific properties called 'hate' also increased The result was that one sorrowful day in the city of Kronbookhon there suddenly broke out between the followers of these two opposing currents the process of what is called 'civil war.' 'Civil war' is the same as 'war', the only difference is that in ordinary war beings of one community destroy the beings of another community, whereas in civil war the process of reciprocal destruction goes on among beings of one and the same community—for example, brother annihilates brother, father, son, uncle, nephew, and so on. "During the first four days, while that horrible process was at its height in Kronbookhon, and the attention of the other beings of the whole country of Nievia was concentrated on it, everything was still relatively quiet in the other cities, except for occasional skirmishes here and there But at the end of the fourth day, those who were for the 'invention' of Lentrohamsanin, that is, for the 'learned beings,' were victorious in Kronbookhon, and from then on the same process began in all the large and small cities of Nievia. "This widespread and horrible process continued until a 'horde' of learned beings appeared who, 'feeling firm ground beneath their feet,' compelled all the surviving beings to accept Lentrohamsanin's ideas, and immediately destroyed everything From then on, all the three-brained beings of

Nievia became followers of the 'invention' of Lentrohamsanin, and soon afterward there was established in that community a special form of government called a 'republic.' "Still later, the community of Nievia, having by then become great and powerful, began, as usually happens there, making war on neighboring communities for the purpose of imposing upon them its new form of 'state organization. ' "And so, my boy, on the largest continent of your planet, the processes of reciprocal destruction again began to take place among these strange threebrained beings, and at the same time there were gradually changed and finally destroyed those various beneficent forms of ordinary existence which had been established thanks to the ideally foreseeing Reason of our now Most Saintly Ashiata Shiemash. "Thereupon there again arose on the surface of your planet—only to be destroyed anew and to give place to others—numerous separate communities with every kind of 'inner state organization. ' "Although the direct effect of that maleficent invention of the now Universal Hasnamuss Lentrohamsanin was that the practice of existing in separate communities was revived among your favorites, and although they again resumed their periodic reciprocal destruction, yet in some of these newly arisen, independent communities on the continent of Asia beings still continued to conform in their ordinary existence to many of the wisely foreseen usages of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash, which had been inseparably fused with the automatic process of their daily life. "And so those who were to blame for the final destruction of the usages and customs that still remained in certain communities were the aforementioned 'learned beings' who had been assembled in the city of Babylon. "And they were to blame owing to the following circumstances:

"At the !general planetary conference' of all the learned beings on the famous 'question of the beyond,' which was organized in Babylon, it happened that among those who went there of their own accord was the great-grandson of Lentrohamsanin, who had himself become a 'learned being. ' "He brought with him an exact copy on papyrus of his great-grandfather's famous kashireitleer, the original of which he had received by inheritance And at the very height of the 'frenzy' unleashed by the 'question of the soul,' during one of the last big general meetings of the learned beings, he read aloud the text of that maleficent 'invention' of his great-grandfather, whereupon it occurred, as had become proper to the strange Reason of these 'sorry scientists,' that from one question that interested them they at once passed to quite another, namely, from the question of the 'soul' to the question of what is called 'politics.' "Then, all over the city of Babylon meetings and discussions again began on the subject of various kinds of 'state organizations,' those already existing and those which in their opinion ought to be formed. "Of course, all their discussions were based on the 'truths' expounded in the invention of Lentrohamsanin, as reproduced on the papyrus brought by his great-grandson, a copy of which almost every learned being then in Babylon carried in his pocket. "For several months they discussed and argued, and they ended up by splitting into 'parties', that is to say, all the learned beings then in the city of Babylon split into three independent sections, under the following names "The first the section of the 'Legomonists', "The second the section of the 'Neomothists', "The third the section of the 'Paleomothists ' "Each of these sections soon had its adherents among the ordinary beings of Babylon, and once again things would

certainly have ended in civil war if the Persian king, getting wind of all this, had not immediately cracked them on their learned noddles. "On his orders some of these learned scientists were executed, others were imprisoned with lice, and still others were banished to places where even now, as Mullah Nasr Eddin would say, 'French champagne cannot be found ' The few who were shown to have been mixed up in all this only because they were obviously mad were permitted to return to their own countries, while those who had taken no part whatever in 'political questions' were not only given full liberty to return to their native lands, but by order of the Persian king, their departure was even conducted with 'full honors.' "And so, my boy, those Babylonian learned beings who for various reasons survived and were scattered over almost the whole surface of the planet continued by momentum to wiseacre, taking as their basis—not consciously, of course, but simply mechanically—the two leading questions that had arisen during those Babylonian events and had become the 'theme of the day,' namely, the famous questions concerning the 'soul of man' and 'internal state organization.' "The result of these wiseacrings of theirs was that throughout the continent of Asia civil wars broke out in various communities and the process of mass reciprocal destruction between different communities started up once more. "The destruction of the last remnants of the conscious labors of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash thus continued on the continent of Asia for about a century and a half, yet in spite of this, certain customs created by Ashiata Shiemash for the good of their being-existence were still preserved in some places and continued by momentum.

"But when the three-brained beings of the neighboring continent, now called 'Europe,' began taking part in these Asiatic wars and when 'hordes,' led by the arch-vainglorious Greek called Alexander of Macedonia, overran almost the whole continent of Asia, they made, as is said, a 'clean sweep' from the surface of that ill-fated planet of everything that had been established and preserved, so clean a sweep that not a trace was left even of the memory that there once existed on their planet such 'bliss,' intentionally created for their existence by that Reason whose possessor is now one of our seven Most Saintly Omnicosmic Individuals, without whose participation even our UniBeing Common Father does not allow Himself to actualize anything. "And now, my boy, after my tale about this Lentrohamsanin—thanks to which you have received a concrete picture of the consequences for later generations of the activities of a typical representative of Eternal Hasnamuss Individuals— it will be opportune to explain a little more in detail, as I promised you, the significance of the word 'hasnamuss.' "In its widest sense the word 'hasnamuss' designates any three-brained being—whether he has already coated his highest being-parts or consists of his planetary body alone —in whose common presence, under the influence of certain 'individual impulses,' a certain 'something' arises which participates in the 'completed formation' of his independent individuality. "This 'something' arises in these cosmic individuals and, during the process of the transformation of substances, blends with the crystallizations resulting from the action of the entire 'spectrum' of what are called 'naloo-ossnian impulses. ' "In accordance with the chief cosmic law, the sacred Heptaparaparshinokh, this 'naloo-ossnian spectrum of impulses'

in its original essence consists of seven heterogeneous layers, from the point of view of their engendering as perception and resulting manifestation. "And if these different aspects of the entire 'spectrum of naloo-ossnian impulses' were described according to the notions of your favorites and expressed in their language, they might be defined as follows: 1 Every kind of depravity, conscious as well as unconscious, 2 The feeling of self-satisfaction from leading others astray, 3 The irresistible urge to destroy the existence of other breathing creatures, 4 The inclination to free oneself from the necessity of making the beingefforts required by Nature, 5 The tendency to make use of every kind of artifice to conceal what in the opinion of others are one's physical defects, 6 Serene enjoyment in the use of what is not personally deserved, 7 The striving to be not what one is "This 'something' which, together with these 'naloo-ossnian' impulses, arises in the presences of specific individuals not only is the cause of 'painfully retributive consequences' for these individuals themselves but also has the particularity that, whenever one of these 'imperious tendencies' ceases to act in their presences, the radiation proper to one or another aspect of the manifestation of this 'something' has a greater effect on surrounding beings, and becomes a factor for engendering the same in them. "In the common presence of every three-brained being, there can arise during the process of his planetary existence any one of four kinds of independent hasnamuss individual.

"The first kind of hasnamuss individual is a three-brained being who, while acquiring this 'something' in his common presence, still consists only of his planetary body and who, during the process of the sacred rascooarno is subject to the consequences of the properties of this 'something' in him and is thus destroyed forever such as he is. "The second kind of hasnamuss individual is a three-brained being in whose common presence the 'kesdjan body' has already been coated with the participation of that same 'something', and, as is proper to such a cosmic arising,

having

acquired

the

property

of

'toorinoorino,'

that

is,

'nondecomposition' in any sphere of that planet on which he arose, has to exist such as he is, undergoing certain transformations, until this 'something' has been eliminated from him. "A hasnamuss individual of the third kind is a three-brained being in whose common presence the highest being-body, or 'soul,' has been coated, again with the participation of this 'something', and this highest being-body also acquires the property of toorinoorino, but this time corresponding to this highest coating, that is to say, it is not subject to decomposition, either in the spheres of that planet on which he arose, or in any other sphere of the Great Universe. "The fourth kind of hasnamuss individual is like the third, but with this difference, that the hasnamuss of the third kind has the possibility of at some time becoming so to say 'cleansed' from this 'something,' whereas for the fourth kind this possibility is lost forever "That is why the fourth kind of hasnamuss is called an 'Eternal Hasnamuss Individual.' "For these four kinds of hasnamuss individuals who have this 'something' in their presence, the 'retributive consequences' I have mentioned do not entail the same suffering, but correspond to the nature of each as well as to the 'ob-

jective responsibilities' flowing from the original foresight and hope of our Common Father for these cosmic actualizations. "For the hasnamuss of the first kind, who acquires this 'something' while consisting only of a planetary body, the decomposition of his planetary body does not proceed according to the general rule, that is to say, all the various sensed impulses in his organism do not stop functioning simultaneously at the approach of the sacred rascooarno, that is, death. "But the process of the sacred rascooarno already begins in him during his planetary existence and proceeds in stages, that is, one by one his 'separate spiritualized localizations' gradually cease to function in his common presence—or, as your favorites would say, in such a being first one of his brains with all its functions dies, later on, the second one dies, and only then does the final death of the being occur. "In addition to this, after the final death, the disintegration of all the active elements of which the 'planetary body' was formed proceeds much more slowly than usual, and is subject to the inextinguishable action—lessening only in proportion to the volatilization of the active elements—of the 'naloo­ ossnian impulses' sensed during his life. "For the second kind of hasnamuss individual, in whose common presence the 'kesdjan body' has already been coated, the 'retributive consequences' are that, on the one hand, such an indeed unfortunate arising, freed from the planetary body of a three-brained being, and not having the possibility of perfecting himself independently without a planetary coating, does not succeed in eliminating from his presence this maleficent 'something,' which is not necessarily acquired by his own fault, and which always and in everything in the Universe is an obstacle to the correct flowing of the 'common-cosmic trogoautoegocratic process', and on the other hand, owing to the property of 'toorinoorino,'

that is, not being subject to decomposition in any sphere of that solar system in which he arose, he must inevitably be coated in a new planetary body, usually with the exterior form of a being of a one- or two-brained system, and in view of the generally brief existence of such beings and of his not having time to adapt himself to any one exterior form, he must constantly begin all over again in the form of another being of that planet with all the uncertainty as to the result of this coating. "And as for a hasnamuss individual of the third kind, namely, a threebrained being in whom the highest being-body has been coated, but with this 'something' participating to the extent that he has not lost forever the possibility of freeing himself from it, his fate is still more terrible For, as a higher cosmic arising predetermined by the foresight of the First Principle of everything existing to serve as a help in the administration of the enlarging world—who from the moment of his completed formation, even before being perfected in Reason, was held responsible for every subjective manifestation, voluntary or involuntary—he has the possibility of eliminating this 'something' from his presence, but solely through the action of the results of intentionally actualized partkdolgduty, that is to say, of conscious labor and intentional suffering. "Such a higher being-body must therefore suffer unremittingly, according to the degree of 'cognizance of his own individuality,' until this 'something' is entirely eradicated from his common presence. "As a place for the suffering existence of the high orders of hasnamuss individuals, the Higher Sacred Individuals have intentionally allotted from all the large cosmic concentrations four small planets, disharmonized in their subjective functioning and situated in various most remote corners of our Great Universe.

"One of these four disharmonized planets, called 'Retribution,' is specially prepared for the Eternal Hasnamuss Individuals, and the other three for the higher being-bodies of hasnamusses who still have in their presence the possibility of ridding themselves at some time or other of this maleficent 'something. ' "These three small planets exist under the names of: Remorse of Conscience Repentance Self-Reproach "Here it is interesting to note that from all the highest being-bodies that have been coated and perfected in every kind of exterior form of three-brained being of the whole Universe, only 313 have, so far, reached the planet Retribution, two of whom had their arising on your planet, and one of these is the highest being-body of precisely this Lentrohamsanin. "On that planet Retribution, the Eternal Hasnamuss Individuals must constantly endure those incredible torments called 'inkiranondel,' which are like the suffering of 'remorse of conscience' only much more intense. "The greatest anguish of this state of the highest being-bodies is that they must always endure these terrible sufferings, fully conscious that there is no hope whatever of their coming to an end. "

SECOND

BOOK

CHAPTER 29

The fruits of former civilizations and the blossoms of the contemporary "IN FOLLOWING the associative flow of my tales about the three-brained beings breeding on the planet Earth who have taken your fancy, I must now tell you, my boy, something about the two powerful communities there called 'Greeks' and 'Romans,' who swept away from the surface of that ill-fated planet even the memory of the results obtained from the most saintly labors of the Essence-Loving Ashiata Shiemash. "First of all I must tell you that at the time when, on the surface of your planet, on the continent of Asia, the definitized sacred conception of our now Omnicosmic, Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash was actualized from Above within the presence of a three-brained being, and also later, during the period of his very saintly activities and the subsequent gradual destruction by your favorites of all the results issuing from them, great numbers of those strange three-brained beings existed on the neighboring continent called 'Europe,' and had already grouped themselves into various independent communities. "According to the cosmic laws I once mentioned to you, the two communities that during those periods became the greatest and most powerful, that is to say, better organized and possessing more means than the others for the process of reciprocal destruction, were the 'Greek' and 'Roman' communities. "And about these 'very ancient' communities—'ancient,' that is, from the point of view of your contemporary favorites—I must tell you and possibly even in detail, for not only did they make a 'clean sweep' from the face of that

unfortunate planet of the last results that might have been beneficial for the three-brained beings of all subsequent epochs, and even of all trace of the memory of the very saintly labors of the Essence-Loving Ashiata Shiemash, but also they were the cause of the utter nonsense that proceeds in the Reason of your contemporary favorites, and of the complete atrophy in them of that 'fundamental being-impulse,' the main lever of objective morality, called 'organic shame.' "A closer acquaintance with these large groupings of your favorites and with the various 'blessings' bequeathed by them to the beings of later epochs will help you to understand how separate independent communities are formed there, and how a given community, having become powerful—with no thanks to the beings themselves—takes advantage of this to begin destroying everything attained by other less powerful communities and forces its own 'new inventions' upon them, in most cases sincerely imagining that these are just what the others need. "I must warn you, my boy, that my story of the arising of those ancient communities called the 'Greek' and the 'Roman,' and of everything later connected with them, is not based on my personal investigations, but only on the information about them that I got from one of the beings of our tribe who chose to remain forever on that planet of yours. "In descending to the planet Earth for the sixth and last time, I was determined, at any cost, to elucidate for myself all the genuine reasons why the psyche of the three-brained beings on that planet, which should be like the psyche of all the three-brained beings of our Great Universe, had become so exceptionally strange. "And having repeatedly confirmed, during my investigations, that the fundamental cause of the various abnormalities in the general psyche of contemporary beings was

the so-called 'civilization' spread by these two large groups of beings called the Greeks and the Romans, I was obliged to investigate certain details about them also. "But as I was fully occupied at that time with my research concerning the activities of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash, I entrusted the inquiry into the history of the arising of these two independent groupings of your favorites, with respect to what is called their 'subjective being,' to that same member of our tribe who, as I have already told you, still carries on an 'undertaker's business' in a large city on the continent of Europe. "From the investigations of this countryman of ours, it seems that long, long ago, before the period of my tale about the majestic city of Babylon, that is, when the existence of those strange beings was proceeding mainly on the continent of Asia and their chief center of culture was in the country of Tikliamish, there were as yet no definitely organized communities on the continent of Europe, which is now the principal place of existence of your favorites. "At that time, there chiefly existed on that continent two-brained and onebrained beings called 'wild quadrupeds' and 'reptiles', as for your favorites, the biped beings, they existed there only in small groups and were almost as wild as the quadrupeds themselves. "These small groups of biped beings occupied themselves only with destroying the quadruped and reptile beings, and occasionally also one another. And the number of your favorites on the continent of Europe did not increase until emigrants from Maralpleicie, wandering from one region to another, finally arrived on the continent of Europe and settled there. "Toward the close of that period there migrated from Tikliamish to that continent a number of beings of the first

Asiatic group who followed two quite different professions, some of them were engaged in various marine occupations, and others in raising cattle and sheep. "The sheep-raising families settled chiefly on the southern shores of the continent, which at that time were very suitable for the grazing and fattening of these quadruped beings. "And that group of terrestrial beings was then called 'Latinaki,' a word that meant 'shepherds.' "At first these shepherds, with their families and flocks, were scattered in different places Later on their numbers gradually increased, partly through the immigration of Asiatic beings with the same profession as themselves and partly because they were becoming more and more 'prolific,' since Nature on the planet Earth had begun to adapt herself to the deteriorating quality of the vibrations she required, which should have been formed from the radiations of these three-brained beings, by substituting those vibrations obtained only from the process of their sacred 'rascooarno' or, as they say, from their 'death.' "And when thanks to all this their numbers had considerably increased, and external conditions demanded frequent relations between isolated families, they formed their first place of common existence, which was called 'Rimk.' "It was from that group of Asiatic shepherds that the later famous 'Romans' originated, their name having come from this first common dwelling place, Rimk. "As for the Asiatic beings engaged in 'marine occupations,' such as fishing and gathering sponges, coral, and seaweed, they also emigrated with their families for the convenience of their profession, some of them settling on the western shores of their own continent of Ashhark, some on the southeastern shores of the continent of Europe, and others on the islands near the straits that still divide these two continents.

"The beings of these newly formed groups were then called 'Hellenaki,' which meant 'fishermen.' "In time their numbers also grew, owing to the same causes I spoke of with regard to the group of shepherds. "Their name changed many times until finally they were known as 'Greeks.' "And so, my dear boy . . . it was largely on account of the beings of these two groups that the Reason of your contemporary favorites has become mechanical, and that the data for engendering the impulse of 'being-shame' have completely atrophied in them. "The Greeks were the cause of the gradual decay of the Reason of the three-brained beings there, which has so degenerated in contemporary beings that it has become, as our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin says, a real 'mill for nonsense. "And it is thanks to the Romans that, as a result of successive changes in the presence of contemporary three-brained beings, those factors are never crystallized which in other three-brained beings engender the impulse called 'instinctive shame,' that is, the being-impulse that is the basis of what are called 'morals' and 'objective morality.' "And thus it was that those two communities arose which, as so often happens there, later became solidly established and powerful for a certain time. "And the history of the maleficent 'legacy' they passed on to the beings of subsequent generations is as follows: "According to the investigations of our countryman, it seems that the earliest ancestors of the beings of the community that was later called 'Greece' were obliged, during the frequent storms at sea that hindered them in their 'marine occupations,' to seek refuge from the rams and winds in sheltered places, where they played various 'games' they had invented, to 'kill time.' "As it later became clear, these ancient fishermen at first

amused themselves with such games as children play there —but children, it must be remarked, who have not yet gone to school, for today those who go to school have so much homework to do, consisting chiefly of learning by rote the poetry composed by various candidate hasnamusses that the poor children never have time to play any games at all. "In short, these poor bored fishermen first played ordinary children's games long since customary there, but later, when one of them invented a new game called 'pouring from the empty into the void,' they were all so pleased with it that from then on they amused themselves with that alone. "This game consisted in formulating some question or other, always about some nonsense, that is to say, a question about some deliberate piece of absurdity, and the one to whom the question was addressed had to answer as plausibly as possible. "Well, it was just this game that became the cause of everything that happened later. "It turned out that among those ancient bored fishermen several were so clever and ingenious that, following the principle of that curious game, they became expert in inventing very long explanations. "And when one of them discovered how to make what was afterward called 'parchment' from the skin of the fish called 'shark,' some of these skillful fellows, just to swagger before their companions, even began inscribing these long explanations of theirs on these fishskins, employing the conventional signs invented earlier for another game called 'mousetrap. ' "Still a little later, when these bored fishermen had been replaced by their descendants, the latter inherited these inscribed fishskins, as well as the craze for this peculiar game, and these various inventions, both their ancestors' and their own, were given for the first time the high-sounding name of 'science.'

"And from then on, as the craze for 'cooking up' these 'sciences' passed from generation to generation, the beings of that group whose ancestors had been simple Asiatic fishermen became 'specialists' in inventing sciences of every sort. "These sciences, moreover, also passed from generation to generation and certain of them have reached contemporary beings of that planet almost unchanged. "Hence it is that almost half of what are called the 'egoplastikoori' arising in the Reason of the contemporary beings of that ill-fated planet—from which, in general, what is called a 'world outlook' is formed in beings—are crystallized just from the 'truths' invented by those bored fishermen and their descendants. "As regards the ancient shepherds who later founded the powerful community called 'Rome,' their ancestors also were often forced, on account of bad weather, to seek refuge for their flocks in sheltered places, and to pass the time together somehow or other. "And so, since they were together, they did a lot of talking But when everything had been talked out and they felt bored, one of them suggested that as a relief they should take up the occupation which they were the first to call cinque contra uno—five against one—a pastime which has been preserved under the same name among their descendants down to the present time. "As long as only the beings of the male sex engaged in that pastime everything went 'smoothly and peacefully,' but when a little later their 'passive halves,' that is to say, their women, joined in and, immediately appreciating it, soon became addicted to it, they gradually attained such 'finesses' in this occupation that if our arch-cunning Lucifer himself were to rack his honorable brains, he could not invent even a tithe of the 'turns' these erstwhile shepherds invented and

prepared for the beings of succeeding generations of that ill-starred planet. "Now, my boy, when these two independent groups of terrestrial beings multiplied and, in accordance with the usual aim of all communities there during all periods of their existence, acquired every variety of 'effective means' for reciprocal destruction, they began carrying out these processes with other independent communities—for the most part, of course, with less powerful communities—and occasionally between themselves. "Here it is very interesting to note that during intervals of peace between these two communities—who were almost equal in the possession of efficient means for reciprocal destruction—the beings of both these groups, whose places of existence were close to each other, often came into contact and had friendly relations, with the result that little by little each picked up from the other those specialties that had originally been invented by their ancestors In short, the result of the frequent contacts between these two communities was that the Greek beings, borrowing from the Romans all their refinements of 'sexual turns,' began organizing their what were called 'Athenian nights,' while the Roman beings, having learned from the Greeks how to cook up 'sciences,' composed their later very famous 'Roman law.' "A great deal of time has passed since then The inventors of both those kinds of being-manifestation have long since disappeared, and their descendants who chanced to become 'powerful' have also disappeared Yet now the contemporary three-brained beings of that planet 'fondly' dedicate more than half their existence and the being-energy they have acquired to absorbing and actualizing somehow or other, unconsciously and sometimes even consciously, those two 'ideals' whose initiators were the bored Asiatic fishermen and shepherds.

"Well then, my boy, later on it seems, when both these groupings of your favorites had acquired many of the aforementioned 'effective means' for the successful destruction of the existence of beings like themselves, and had become past masters at persuading or coercing the beings of other countries to exchange their own inner convictions for the ideals invented by their ancestors, they first conquered the neighboring communities situated on the continent of Europe, and afterward, with the hordes they had collected during this time, they turned toward the continent of Asia. "And there, on the continent of Asia, they first began spreading that maleficent influence of theirs among the beings populating its western shores—in whom, as I have already said, being-impulses for a more or less normal being-existence had been instilled for centuries—and then they gradually began to advance into the interior. "Their advance into the interior of the continent of Asia met with great success, and their numbers constantly increased, chiefly because the learned beings who had been in Babylon were continuing to infect the Reason of beings everywhere on that continent with their hasnamussian political ideas. "What also helped them very much was that there were still preserved in the instinct of the Asiatic beings the results of the influence of the 'initiates' and 'priests,' disciples of the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash, who through their sermons had inculcated one of the chief commandments of Ashiata Shiemash, which declared: 'Do not kill another even when your own life is in danger.' "Profiting by this, these former fishermen and shepherds could advance very easily, destroying on their way all those who declined to worship the 'gods' they themselves had

adopted, that is to say, their fantastic 'sciences' and their phenomenal 'depravity.' "These 'sowers of evil' for all the three-brained beings of all succeeding generations arising on the continent of Europe—especially the Greeks— moved into the interior of the continent of Asia, progressing slowly to be sure, yet effectively. "But when some time later there appeared at the head of these hordes that arch-vainglorious Greek, the future hasnamuss, Alexander of Macedonia, there began the clean sweep of the last remnants of the results of the very saintly intentional labors of our now Common-Cosmic Most Saintly Ashiata Shiemash—after which it was again, as they say, just the 'old, old story.' "Although each time the place of the 'center of culture' of your favorites has changed, a new so-called 'civilization' has arisen, bringing for the beings of succeeding epochs some new maleficence, nevertheless, not one of these many 'civilizations' has ever prepared so much evil for the beings of later epochs, including of course the present one, as that famous 'Greco-Roman civilization.' "Without mentioning many other lesser psychic features, unbecoming to three-brained beings and now existing in the presence of your favorites, that civilization is chiefly to blame for the complete disappearance, especially from contemporary beings, of the possibility of crystallizing in their presence the data for 'sane logical mentation' and for engendering the impulse of 'being-shame. ' "In short, my boy, the 'ancient Greek fantastic sciences' were the cause of the complete atrophy of the former, and the 'ancient Roman depravity,' of the latter. "In the early period of that Greco-Roman civilization, these pernicious impulses, which by now have become being-impulses, namely, the 'passion for inventing fantastic sciences' and the 'passion for depravity,' were inherent in

the Greek and Roman beings alone Later when, as I have already said, the beings of both these communities chanced to become powerful and began influencing the beings of other communities, those peculiar and unnatural being-impulses gradually infected your unfortunate favorites everywhere. "This took place, on the one hand, as a result of the persistent influence of these two communities, and on the other, because of that peculiarity of their psyche—common to all the three-brained beings of that planet and already well fixed in it before this—which is called 'imitation.' "And thus, little by little, the psyche of your favorites, already shaky enough before this, has become so unhinged that in all of them without exception both their world outlook and the whole ordering of their daily existence rest and proceed exclusively on the basis of those two 'GrecoRoman inventions,' that is to say, on the basis of 'fantasizing' and of 'striving for sexual gratification. ' "Here it is very interesting to note that, although the heritage from the ancient Romans has caused the gradual disappearance from the presence of your favorites of the 'organic shame' proper to three-brained beings, there has arisen in its place something rather like it In the presence of your contemporary favorites there is as much as you want of this 'pseudo beingimpulse,' which they also call 'shame,' but the data for engendering it are quite singular. "This being-impulse arises in their presence only when they do something which, under their abnormally established conditions of ordinary beingexistence, is considered improper to be done in front of others. "But if nobody sees them, then nothing they do—even if according to their own consciousness and their own feelings it is undesirable—gives rise in them to any such impulse. "The 'blessings' prepared by the ancient Romans have in

recent times so permeated the nature of your favorites breeding on all the continents of that ill-fated planet that it is even difficult to say which contemporary community has inherited the most from these 'obliging' Romans. "But as for the inheritance from the ancient Greeks, namely, the passion for 'inventing various fantastic sciences,' this has not become inherent in all the three-brained beings of our day equally It has passed down only to certain beings in each of the contemporary large and small communities of that peculiar planet, but it has passed down chiefly to certain beings of a community existing there today under the name of 'Germany.' "Indeed, the beings of this Germany can boldly be declared to be the 'direct heirs of the ancient Greek civilization', for it is they who bring every kind of new 'science' and 'invention' into contemporary civilization. "Unfortunately, my boy, the beings of that German community have in many respects outdone the beings of ancient Greece. "Thanks to the 'sciences' invented by the ancient Greeks, it was only the 'being-mentation' of other beings that was spoiled and continues to be spoiled. "But the contemporary beings of the community of Germany have gone even further, they have become very skillful in inventing 'sciences' that spread the specific disease of wiseacring among the rest of your favorites, and during the process of this disease many of them, half-consciously or even quite automatically, chance to notice some small detail of the common-cosmic process which actualizes everything existing Then, when they have shared this information with their colleagues, they together make use of this detail for vet another 'invention,' thereby adding to the number of 'new means' which have so accumulated on that planet during the last two centuries that their total effect has now

become what is called the 'resultant decomposing force,' counterbalancing the 'resultant creative force' of Nature. "And indeed, my boy, it is only owing to the 'sciences' concocted by certain beings of contemporary Germany that the other three-brained beings belonging to all communities have in their turn acquired the possibility of 'inventing ' And almost every day, now here now there, they think up some 'new invention' or 'new means' which they employ in the process of their existence, and they have brought it about that poor Nature there—already enfeebled without this through no fault other own—is scarcely able to actualize her 'evolutionary' and 'involutionary' processes. "In order that you may clearly understand how these contemporary 'beneficiaries' have surpassed their 'benefactors,' I must now tell you also about certain 'means,' widely used there at the present time, which owe their existence exclusively to these 'Nature-helping' heirs of the ancient Greeks. "I will describe certain of these means, now existing and in use everywhere there which have been invented by the beings of that contemporary community of Germany. "I should like to point out, by the way, one very odd phenomenon, which is that these contemporary successors of the ancient Greeks give names to their maleficent inventions which for some reason or other all end in 'me.' "Let us take for example, among the many particularly harmful inventions of the German beings, just those five what are called 'chemical substances' now existing under the names of 'satkaine,' 'aniline,' cocaine,' 'atropine,' and 'alizarine,' all of which are used there at the present time by the beings of all the continents and islands on that planet even, as our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin says, 'without economizing.' "The first of these 'means, specially invented by the German beings, namely 'satkaine,' is nothing other than 'samookoorooazar,' that is, one of the seven 'neutralizing gases' that arise and are always to be found in the common presence.

of each planet, and which take part in the 'completed crystallization' of every definite surplanetary and interplanetary formation, and when isolated are, always and everywhere, what are called 'indiscriminate destroyers of the already arisen. ' "Concerning this German invention I also learned, among other things, that a being of that community happened to obtain this gas from some definite surplanetary and interplanetary formations and, noticing its special property, reported his discovery to several of his colleagues So, owing to the fact that there was then proceeding in the presences of all the beings of their community what is called the 'most intense experiencing' of the chief particularity of the psyche of the three-brained beings of your planet, namely, the urgent need to destroy the existence of others like themselves, these 'scientists' thereupon enthusiastically decided to devote themselves to finding a way of utilizing the special property of this gas for the speedy mass destruction of the existence of the beings of other communities. "Having begun their practical research with this aim in view, one of these 'scientists' soon discovered that if this gas were concentrated in a pure state ready to be released at will in any given space at any given time, it could serve their purpose admirably. "That was enough for them, and from then on, during the processes of reciprocal destruction, this gas, artificially isolated from the general harmony of the actualization of everything existing, was released in a certain way by the ordinary beings of that community, just when and where the greatest number of beings of so-called 'hostile communities' were gathered. "When this particularly poisonous cosmic substance, intentionally liberated into the atmosphere under the said conditions, and striving to reblend with other corresponding cosmic substances, happens to enter the planetary bodies.

of three-brained beings nearby, it instantly and completely destroys their existence, or at least permanently damages the functioning of one or another part of their common presence. "The second of the chemical substances I enumerated, called 'aniline,' is a coloring matter that can be used for the dyeing of most of those surplanetary formations from which the three-brained beings there make all kinds of objects needed in the process of their ordinary being-existence. "Although thanks to that 'invention,' your favorites can now dye any object any color they wish, yet how long these dyed objects last—ah, just here lies buried their famous Bismarck's 'pet cat. ' "Before that maleficent aniline was invented, the objects produced by your favorites for their ordinary existence, such as, for instance, 'carpets,' 'pictures,' and various articles of wool, wood, and leather, were colored with simple vegetable dyes, which in the course of centuries they had learned how to obtain, and these objects would last from five to ten or even fifteen of their centuries But now, thanks to this aniline, or to dyes with other names that have this aniline as their base, all that remains of these objects after thirty years or so is only the memory of them. "And owing to this maleficent aniline, the beings of the community of Germany have been responsible not only for the rapid destruction of the products of all the contemporary beings, but also for the nearly complete disappearance of articles from ancient times from the face of that ill-fated planet. "And this was because, for various hasnamussian purposes and for their famous, as they call them, 'scientific aims,' they set about collecting the surviving ancient productions from all centuries and, not having the least idea of how to preserve ancient objects, they only hastened their destruction More-

over, they used the 'antiquities' they collected, and still use them, as models for 'cheap goods' known everywhere on that ill-fated planet as 'ersatz.' "As for the third of those chemical substances they invented, namely 'cocaine,' not only is this 'chemical means' of great assistance to Nature in hastening the decomposition of planetary formations—in this instance, their own planetary bodies—but it also has an effect on the psyche of contemporary beings of the planet Earth surprisingly like that which the famous organ kundabuffer had on the psyche of their ancestors. "In the days when their ancestors still had within them this invention of the Great Angel Looisos, they were almost always in exactly the same state as the beings of today when they introduce into themselves this German invention called 'cocaine. ' "I must point out, my boy, that even though the action of that German invention is similar to the action of the organ kundabuffer, this came about, of course, without any conscious intention on the part of the beings of Germany, they became colleagues of the Great Angel Looisos only by chance. "At the present time almost all the beings who become genuine representatives of contemporary civilization introduce into themselves this 'blessing' of present-day culture very meticulously and with delight and tenderness, and always of course, as our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin says, 'to the glory of the cloven-hoofed. ' "The fourth of the enumerated chemical substances, namely 'atropine,' is also in great demand there at present. It has a variety of applications, but is most commonly used for a certain exceedingly strange purpose. "It seems that, thanks as always to the abnormally estab-

lished conditions of ordinary being-existence there, the organ of sight of your favorites has acquired the property of finding the faces of others beautiful and pleasing only when they have dark eyes. "And when this chemical substance called 'atropine' is introduced in a certain way into the eyes of beings, the pupils become dilated and the eyes look darker, so most of them introduce this 'atropine' into their eyes in order that their faces may appear beautiful and pleasing to others. "And indeed, my dear boy, those terrestrial beings who employ this German 'blessing' do have very dark eyes until they are forty-five. "I say until forty-five because so far there has never been a case there of a being continuing to use this means who could still see after the age of fortyfive. 'Alizarine,' the fifth and last of these 'inventions,' is also widely used there. "This 'blessing' of contemporary civilization is used chiefly by what are called 'confectioners' and other specialists who prepare for the beings of that planet very 'tasty' articles for their first food. "The confectioners and other professionals who prepare these tasty tidbits for the first food of your favorites use this sure-fire German innovation 'alizarine,' of course unconsciously, for the sole aim of giving these products an enticing appearance—that aim which has become the ideal of the whole of contemporary civilization, and which our honored Mullah Nasr Eddin expresses in the following words 'As long as everything looks fine and dandy to me, what does it matter if the grass doesn't grow?' "In short, my boy, these present-day successors to the beings of ancient Greece, with all their practical 'attainments' based on the 'sciences' they have invented, have become a great help to poor Nature—though only, it is true, in the

process of decomposition. It is not for nothing that our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin gives the following wise counsel. 'Better pull ten hairs a day out of your mother's head than not help Nature.' "Strictly speaking, the capacity to cook up 'fantastic sciences' and to devise new methods for ordinary being-existence did not pass from the ancient Greeks to the beings of contemporary Germany alone; the same capacity was inherited, and perhaps no less, by the beings of another contemporary community, also independent, and in its turn enjoying dominion. "This community of your favorites is called 'England.'

"There has even passed to the beings of this second contemporary

community, and directly to them alone, one of the most maleficent inventions of the ancient Greeks, which the English beings have thoroughly assimilated and put into practice. "This particularly harmful invention of theirs was called by the ancient Greeks 'diapharon,' and contemporary beings call it 'sport.' "I shall tell you about this contemporary 'sport' in as much detail as possible at the end of this tale; but meanwhile you should know that although the beings of the community of England also invent in large quantities a wide range of new objects required by your favorites in the process of their ordinary being-existence, they do not invent chemical substances as do the beings of Germany, no

. they invent chiefly what are called 'metalwares.'

"Especially in recent times, they have become expert in inventing and supplying to the beings existing over the whole surface of your planet vast quantities of all sorts of metalwares, called padlocks, razors, mousetraps, revolvers, scythes, machine guns, saucepans, hinges, guns, penknives, cartridges, pens, mines, needles, and many other things of the same kind.

"And ever since the beings of this contemporary community started inventing these practical objects, the ordinary existence of three-brained beings of your planet has become, as our dear Mullah Nasr Eddin describes it, 'not life but free jam.' "The beings of this community are now the benefactors of the other beings of your planet, offering them, as they say, 'philanthropic aid,' especially as regards their first 'being-duty,' namely, that of carrying out from time to time the process of 'reciprocal destruction.' "Thanks to them, the discharge of that 'being-duty' has gradually become, for your contemporary favorites, the 'merest trifle.' "Before those inventions existed it used to be exceedingly arduous for your poor favorites to fulfill that 'being-duty,' for they had to spend a good deal of toil and sweat on it. "But nowadays, thanks to the contraptions invented by these English beings, it has become, again in the words of our esteemed Mullah Nasr Eddin, just roses, roses. "The contemporary beings scarcely need to make any effort whatsoever in order to destroy completely the existence of beings like themselves "Sitting quietly in what they call their 'smoking rooms' they can destroy, just to pass the time, as it were, dozens and sometimes even hundreds of others like themselves. "Now, I might as well also tell you a little about the direct descendants of the beings of the Greco-Roman civilization.. "The descendants of the beings of the once 'great' and 'powerful' community of Greece still exist today and also have their own independent community, but they now have scarcely any significance whatever for the other independent communities there. "They no longer do what their ancestors did, who were consummate specialists in 'cooking up' all kinds of fantastic

sciences, and if a contemporary Greek were to produce a new science, the beings of other communities would not pay the slightest attention to it. "And they would pay no attention to it, simply because that community has not at the present time enough 'guns' and 'ships' to be what is called an 'authority' for the other contemporary beings there. "But although these descendants of the former great Greeks, namely, the Greeks of the present day, have lost the knack of being an imaginary authority for other three-brained beings there, they have adapted themselves perfectly on almost all the continents and islands to keeping what are called 'shops' where, without any haste, slowly and gently, they trade in 'sponges,' 'halva,' 'rahat lokoum,' and so forth, and sometimes 'Persian dried fruit,' not forgetting, of course, the dried fish called 'kefal.' "As for the descendants of the famous Romans, they too continue to arise and exist and, although they no longer even bear the name of their ancestors, they still call the chief center of their community 'Rome.' "The beings of the community established by the descendants of those former shepherds, who later became the great Romans, are now called Italians "Scarcely anything has been inherited from their ancestors by these Italians except that specific being-impulse which the ancient Romans were the first to crystallize in their presences, and which gradually infected all the other threebrained beings on that planet. "At the present time the beings of that community of Italy lead a calm and peaceful existence, doing nothing more than unostentatiously inventing new forms of their harmless and very innocent what is called 'macaroni.' "Nevertheless, certain beings of that contemporary Italy

have inherited from their ancestors one special and very peculiar property called 'giving pleasure to others. "However, they manifest this inherited need of 'giving pleasure,' not toward beings like themselves but toward beings of other forms. "In all fairness it must be stated that this special property passed to beings of various parts of present-day Italy and became ingrained in their nature, not so much from the great Romans as from their ancestors of considerably later epochs, that is to say, from the time when they began propagating among beings, both of their own and of neighboring weaker communities, the teaching, already distorted for their egoistic purposes, of a certain genuine sacred Messenger from Above. "At the present time the beings of various parts of Italy manifest this property of giving pleasure to others in the following way: "When they destroy the existence of the quadruped beings called 'sheep' and 'goats,' whose planetary bodies they use for their first food, they do not do so all at once, but in order to give them this 'pleasure' they do it 'slowly' and 'gently' over a period of many days, that is, one day they take off one leg, then a few days later, a second leg, then the third, and so on, for as long as the 'sheep' or 'goat' still breathes And 'sheep' and 'goats' can breathe for a long time without these parts of their common presence, because although these parts do not participate in the main functions of the taking in of cosmic substances required for existence, they do participate in those functions that engender in all beings the impulses giving self-sensations. "After what I have just said, there seems to be no need to say more about the descendants of those Romans, who were once so great and so menacing for the other communities there.

"Now let us talk about that particularly maleficent invention of the ancient Greeks which is practiced today by the beings of the community of England, and which is called 'sport. ' "These beings of contemporary England, who make the most use of this particularly harmful invention of the ancient Greeks, have thereby added one more sure-fire factor for shortening the duration of their existence, already trifling enough without this Furthermore, experiencing in their turn the 'greatness' of their community, they have now become 'authorities' for the three-brained beings of other communities, and having made the practice of this invention their ideal and its propagation their aim, they are infecting by every possible means the beings of all the other large and small communities of that ill-fated planet. "The cause of this serious misconception was the disappearance from the common presence of your favorites of the possibility of the crystallization in them of those factors which actualize 'logical mentation' in three-brained beings. "And since they lack this 'logical mentation,' all of them, almost without exception, accept the statements of certain candidate hasnamusses affirming that they can obtain 'something' very beneficial for themselves through 'sport', and now believing these assertions with all their presence, and in the hope of obtaining this benefit, they give themselves up entirely to this sport. "None of these unfortunates know, or probably will ever realize, not only that this maleficent 'sport' of theirs brings them nothing beneficial but that, as I have just told you, owing to this sport alone, they shorten still further the duration of their existence, already sufficiently trifling without this. "So that you may represent more clearly to yourself and understand why the duration of their existence is still further

diminished on account of this sport, it is now opportune to explain to you, as I have promised, the difference between the duration of being-existence according to the 'fulasnitamnian' principle and according to the principle of 'itoklanotz.' "You remember that when I explained to you how these favorites of yours define the 'flow of time,' I told you that when the organ kundabuffer with all its properties was removed from their presence, and—in conformity with the 'fulasmtamnian' principle—they began to have the same duration of existence as all normal three-brained beings arising everywhere in our Universe, they also should without fail have existed until their second being-body, the 'kesdjan body,' had been completely coated in them and perfected in Reason up to the sacred 'Ishmetch.' "But later, when they began existing in a manner more and more unbecoming to three-brained beings and entirely ceased to actualize in their presence the being-partkdolgduty foreseen by Great Nature, which alone enables three-brained beings to acquire the data for coating their higher parts, and when because of this the quality of their radiations failed to respond to the demands of the most great common-cosmic trogoautoegocratic process, then Great Nature, in order to restore the 'equilibrium of vibrations,' was compelled gradually to adapt the duration of their existence to the principle called 'itoklanotz,' which in general determines the duration of existence of onebrained and two-brained beings that have not the same possibilities as threebrained beings, and are therefore incapable of actualizing in their presence the partkdolgduty foreseen by Nature. "According to this principle, the duration of their being-existence and also the entire content of their common presence generally depend upon the results arising from the following seven factors in their surroundings:

1 Heredity in general,

2 Conditions and environment at the moment of conception,

3 The combined radiations of all the planets of their solar system during their formation in the womb of their productress, 4 The level of being-manifestation of their producers during the period in which they themselves are preparing for responsible age, 5 The quality of being-existence of the beings in the immediate surroundings, 6 The quality of what are called 'teleokrimalnichnian thought waves' formed in the atmosphere around them—also during the period of their preparation for responsible age—that is, the sincerely manifested good wishes and actions of 'beings of the same blood', and finally, 7 The quality of their own 'being-egoplastikoori,' that is, their beingefforts for the transubstantiation in themselves of all the data for obtaining Objective Reason "The chief particularity of existence according to this principle of itoklanotz is that in the presence of beings existing according to it, depending on the enumerated seven exterior factors, there are crystallized in their 'beinglocalizations' or, as your favorites say, in their 'brains'—which are the central locations of the sources of manifestation of all the separate independent parts of their common presence—what are called 'bobbinkandelnosts,' that is to say, a certain 'something' that gives to these 'localizations' or 'brains' a definite quantity of possible 'associations' or 'experiencings.' "And so, my boy, because these contemporary favorites of yours, the three-brained beings of the planet Earth, now arise only according to the principle of itoklanotz, there are

crystallized in their brains, from the moment of conception up to the age of responsible beings, these 'bobbinkandelnosts,' with very definite possibilities for actualizing the processes of association. "To throw more light on this question and help you understand it better, and not to waste time on explanations concerning the very essence and the forms of functioning of these cosmic actualizations called 'bobbinkandelnosts,' which are lawfully crystallized in the 'localizations' or 'brains' of beings who exist only on the basis of itoklanotz, I will take as an example those 'artificial djamtesternokhi,' which your favorites also have and which they call 'me­ chanical watches.' "As you already know, although these 'artificial djamtesternokhi,' or 'mechanical watches,' are of different systems, they are nevertheless all constructed on the same principle of the tension or pressure of an unwinding 'spring.' "One system of djamtesternokhi contains a spring exactly calculated and set so that its tension while unwinding will last twenty-four hours, another system has a spring set for a week, a third for a month, and so on. "The 'bobbinkandelnosts' in the brains of beings who exist only according to the principle of itoklanotz correspond to the springs in mechanical watches of different systems Just as the duration of the movement of mechanical watches depends upon the springs they contain, so the duration of the existence of beings depends exclusively on the bobbinkandelnosts formed in their brains at the time of their arising and during the process of their further formation. "Just as the spring of a watch is 'wound up' for a definite length of time, so these beings can 'associate' and 'experience' only to the extent of the possibilities for experiencing put into them by Nature while these bobbinkandelnosts are being crystallized in their brains.

"They can associate and consequently exist just so long —no more, no less. "As mechanical watches can run only for as long as the spring has been 'wound up,' so the beings in whose brains these bobbinkandelnosts are crystallized can experience, and consequently can exist, only until the bobbinkandelnosts formed in their brains, in accordance with the mentioned seven exterior factors, are used up. "And so, my boy, when the results of partkdolgduty were no longer obtained in the presence of your favorites, and the duration of their existence began to depend exclusively on the results of the mentioned seven accidental exterior factors, then thanks to all this the length of their existence, especially among contemporary beings, became extremely variable. "At the present time, it may range from one of their minutes up to seventy or ninety of their years. "And so, owing to all I have just said, no matter how your favorites exist, and no matter what measures they adopt, and even if they were to put themselves, as they say, 'in a glass case,' as soon as the contents of the bobbinkandelnost crystallized in one or another of their brains is used up, that brain immediately ceases to function. "The difference between mechanical watches and your contemporary favorites is that in watches there is only one spring, whereas your favorites have three of these independent bobbinkandelnosts. "And these bobbinkandelnosts in all three independent 'localizations' of three-brained beings in general have the following names: the first the bobbinkandelnost of the thinking center, the second the bobbinkandelnost of the feeling center, and the third the bobbinkandelnost of the moving center.

"Nowadays it frequently happens that the process of the sacred 'rascooarno' in your favorites takes place 'by thirds' —that is to say, they 'die in parts ' This also proceeds from the fact that, arising and being formed only according to the principle of itoklanotz and existing inharmoniously, they use up the contents of the bobbinkandelnosts of their three separate, independent brains disproportionately, and hence they frequently undergo such a horrible 'dying' as is not proper to three-brained beings. "During my stay among them I personally very often witnessed their 'dying by thirds.' "And this can take place because even though the bobbinkandelnost of one of their brains may be entirely used up, the beings themselves, especially the contemporary ones, sometimes continue to exist for quite a long time. "For instance, it often happens that, owing to their particularly abnormal existence, the contents of one of their bobbinkandelnosts are used up and, if it is the case of the moving center or, as they themselves call it, the 'spinal cord,' then although this three-brained being continues to 'think' and to 'feel,' he has already lost the possibility of intentionally directing the parts of his planetary body. "Here it is interesting to note that, when in one of your contemporary favorites a part finally dies in this way, their 'zirlikners' or, as they are called, 'physicians,' look upon such a death as unquestionably a disease, and begin to treat it with every kind of wiseacring already proper to them, and they give these supposed diseases all sorts of names sounding like an ancient language utterly unknown to them called 'Latin. ' "These widespread diseases there have such names as the following 'hemiplegia,' 'paraplegia,' 'paralysis progressiva,' 'paralysis essentialis,' 'tabes dorsalis,' 'paralysis agitans,' 'sclerosis disseminata,' and so on and so forth.

"Such a death by thirds has become particularly frequent during the last two centuries on the planet Earth which has taken your fancy And this occurs to those of your favorites of all communities there, both large and small, who— either because of their 'professions' or because of one of the 'passions' that arise in beings on account of the same abnormally established conditions of their ordinary being-existence— have more or less used up the contents of the bobbinkandelnosts of one or another of their being-brains. "For

instance,

a

'one-third

death'

through

exhaustion

of

the

bobbinkandelnost of the moving center or spinal cord often occurs among those terrestrial beings who give themselves up to that occupation practiced by the beings belonging to the community of England, thanks to the maleficent invention of the ancient Greeks now called 'sport.' "You will clearly understand the nature of the pernicious consequences of that harmful occupation when I tell you that, during my stay among those favorites of yours, I once devoted a special section of my statistics to clarifying for myself how long those three-brained beings can exist who take up the profession of 'wrestling,' and never once did I find a single one who had existed longer than forty-nine of their years. "And a 'one-third death' through the premature using up of the bobbinkandelnost of the feeling center occurs there for the most part among those beings who become by profession what are called 'representatives of art.' "Most of these terrestrial professionals, especially the contemporary ones, at first fall ill with one or another form of what is called 'psychopathy,' and later, because of their psychopathy, they so to say intentionally 'learn to feel', thereafter, repeatedly experiencing this abnormal being-impulse, they gradually

use

up

the

contents

of

the

bobbinkandelnost

of their feeling center and, by thus disharmonizing the tempo of their own common presence, bring themselves to that peculiar end which is not often met with even among them. "It is worth mentioning here, by the way, that the 'one-third death' through the feeling center also occurs among your favorites thanks to a very original form of 'psychopathy' called 'altruism.' "And as regards the premature partial death through the bobbinkandelnost of the thinking center—this kind of death has been occurring more and more frequently in recent times among your favorites. "This partial death through the thinking center chiefly befalls those favorites of yours who try to become, or have already become, 'scientists of new formation,' and also those who are addicted to reading what are called 'books' and 'newspapers. ' "As a result of reading superfluously and associating only by thoughts, the contents of the bobbinkandelnost of the thinking center of those three-brained beings are exhausted before the contents of the bobbinkandelnosts of their other being-centers. "And so, my boy, all these misfortunes, such as the shortening of the duration of their existence and many other maleficent consequences, occur to your favorites only because they have not yet learned about the cosmic law called the 'equilibration of differently sourced vibrations. ' "If only such an idea would occur to them and they were to carry on their usual wiseacrings with it, they would then perhaps discover one very simple 'secret.' "I am sure that somebody would stumble on this 'secret' because, in the first place, it is simple and obvious, and in the second place, they discovered it long ago and have often put it to practical use.

"They even apply this simple secret to those mechanical watches we took as an example in connection with the duration of their existence. "In all the mechanical watches of various systems, they use this simple secret in a corresponding part of the general mechanism of the watch for regulating the 'tension of the spring,' and it is called, it seems, the 'regulator "By means of this 'regulator' it is possible, for instance, to make the mechanism of a watch that is wound up for twenty-four hours go for a whole month or, on the contrary, run down in five minutes. "In the common presence of every being existing merely on the basis of itoklanotz, there is 'something' similar to the regulator in a mechanical watch, and this 'something' is called 'iransamkeep,' which means 'not to give oneself up to the associations resulting from the functioning of one brain alone. "But even if your favorites should hit upon this simple secret, it would change nothing They still would not make the necessary being-efforts, accessible even to contemporary beings, whereby they can, through the foresight of Nature, acquire the capacity for what is called 'harmonious association,' which alone creates the energy for active being-existence in the presence of every three-brained being and consequently in them also But at the present time, this energy is elaborated in the presence of your favorites only during their quite unconscious state, that is, during what they call 'sleep "But since your favorites, especially the contemporary ones, constantly exist passively under the direction of only one of the separate spiritualized parts of their common presence, and constantly manifest themselves exclusively in accordance with the factors for negative properties also lawfully arising in their common presence, there proceeds in them that same disproportionate expenditure of the con-

tents of their various bobbinkandelnosts—that is to say, they always experience the possibilities of action, placed in them by Nature according to law, though only in one or two of their brains, and in consequence of this, the contents of one or two of their bobbinkandelnosts are prematurely exhausted, whereupon, just like mechanical watches in which the 'spring' has run down or the force of the 'regulator' has weakened, they cease to act. "Sometime later, I shall explain to you why it is that when beings who exist according to the principle of itoklanotz manifest under the direction of only one or two of their spiritualized sources, and not harmoniously with all three combined and in agreement, the particular brain in which there has been an excess of associations is prematurely used up and consequently dies, and I shall also explain why, owing to this, the other bobbinkandelnosts are likewise used up, even though they had no part in it. "But you should also know that one can still occasionally find certain of your favorites whose planetary existence lasts up to five of their centuries. "You will then clearly understand that in the case of certain of your favorites, even of recent times, who somehow find out and correctly assimilate in their Reason certain details concerning the 'law of associations' proceeding in the separate brains of beings, as well as the reciprocal action of these independent associations, and who exist more or less in conformity with this law, the bobbinkandelnosts formed in their separate being-brains are not used up, and they thus acquire the possibility of existing much longer than the other three-brained beings on that planet. "During my last stay there, I personally met several of these terrestrial contemporary three-brained beings who were already two or three, or even four of their centuries old I met them chiefly in a small 'brotherhood' composed of beings from almost all of their 'religions,' whose per-

manent place of existence was in the middle of the continent of Asia. "The members of that brotherhood, so it seems, discovered the mentioned 'law of associations' in being-brains partly by themselves and partly thanks to information that reached them from ancient times through genuine initiates. "As for the beings of the contemporary community of England, who have become the chief victims of that particularly maleficent invention of the beings of the ancient Greek civilization, they not only practice it in the process of their own existence but they try as hard as they can to infect the beings of all the other communities with this same evil Moreover, by this maleficent sport of theirs, these unfortunates not only diminish still further the already trifling duration of their own existence but, in my opinion, they will eventually bring about the same fate for their community as quite recently befell a large community there named 'Russia.' "I thought about this just before my final departure from that planet, when I learned that the 'power-possessing beings' of this no less great contemporary community of England were beginning to utilize that maleficent sport for their own hasnamussian aims, exactly as the 'power-possessing beings' of the community of Russia utilized for the same aim the famous question of 'vodka.' "Just as the 'power-possessing beings' of Russia then tried, by every kind of artifice, to instill into the weak wills of the ordinary beings the necessity for the intensive use of this 'vodka,' so the 'power-possessing beings' of England are now maneuvering in every way to infatuate the ordinary beings of their community with this sport of theirs. "The forebodings that then arose in me are, it seems, already being justified. "And I draw this conclusion from the etherogram I recently received from the planet Mars informing me, among

other things, that although there are more than two and a half million of what are called 'unemployed' beings in that community of England, the 'powerpossessing beings' there take no measures concerning this, but only endeavor to spread still more widely among them that famous 'sport' of theirs. "Just as in the large community of Russia all the newspapers and magazines used to publish countless articles on the question of 'vodka,' so now in the community of England more than half the contents of all these 'sowers of evil' are devoted to that famous 'sport.' "

CHAPTER 30

Art A THIS PLACE in his tales, Beelzebub became silent. Then turning suddenly to his old servant Ahoon, who was sitting there listening as attentively as his grandson Hassein, Beelzebub said: "What's this, old man! Are you really listening to me with as much interest as our Hassein? Weren't you there yourself, and didn't you go with me everywhere on that planet Earth, and didn't you see with your own eyes and sense for yourself everything I am telling him about? "Instead of just sitting there open-mouthed at my tales, why don't you also tell our favorite something? There is no getting out of it. Since those strange three-brained beings interest him so greatly, we have to tell him all we can about them. "Surely something or other about those freaks must have struck you . . well, whatever it was, tell us about that." On hearing these words, Ahoon thought a little and replied. "After your subtly psychological tales about all these muddle-heads, what can I add with my stories?" But then, with unaccustomed seriousness and borrowing the style and even entire expressions of Beelzebub himself, he went on: "Well now . . How shall I put it? My essence was often thrown off balance by those strange three-brained beings, and their foolish capers nearly always evoked the being-impulse of amazement in one or another of my spiritualized parts." And then addressing Hassein, he said:

"All right, dear Hassein!

"I shall not, like His Right Reverence, tell you in detail about any

particular oddity of the psyche of those three-brained beings of our Great Universe who have taken your fancy No, I shall only remind His Right Reverence of a certain factor whose origin goes back to the time of our fifth stay on the surface of that planet, and which, when we returned there for the sixth and last time, had become the chief reason why, in every one of your favorites, from the first day of their arising until their formation as responsible beings, their capacity for normal 'being-mentation' is distorted step by step, and is finally transformed almost into a 'kaltoosaroo.' " Thereupon, turning to Beelzebub, with a timid look and in a hesitant tone he continued: "Don't blame me, Your Right Reverence, if I venture to express to you an opinion that has just arisen in me and that is the outcome of data perhaps already worn too thin for being-conclusions. "In telling our dear Hassein the various reasons why the psyche of the contemporary three-brained beings of the planet Earth has been transformed, as you once deigned to express it, into a 'mill for grinding out nonsense,' you scarcely even mentioned one factor which, perhaps more than any other, has contributed to this during recent centuries. "You yourself were present, as I well remember, at the arising of that factor during our stay in Babylon—I mean that factor which has since become definitely maleficent for the contemporary beings there and which they themselves call 'art. ' "If, in your wisdom, you should consent to take up that question in detail, then, it seems to me, our dear Hassein would have the ideal material for elucidating all the peculiar

abnormalities of the psyche of the three-brained beings arising in most recent times on that planet Earth which interests him. Having said this, and wiping the drops of sweat from his forehead with the tip of his tail, Ahoon became silent and resumed his usual expectant posture. Turning to him with an affectionate glance, Beelzebub said: "Thank you, old man, for reminding me of this. It is true that I have scarcely mentioned that harmful factor they themselves created, which led to the final atrophy of those data for their being-mentation that had by chance still survived in them. "All the same, old friend, although it is true that I have scarcely referred to it so far, this does not mean that I have not considered it We have ample time before us on our journey and, in all probability, in the course of my later tales to our common favorite Hassein, I would have remembered in due time what you have just reminded me about. "However, perhaps it is opportune to speak just now about this contemporary terrestrial 'art' because, as you have said, during our fifth stay there, I actually witnessed the events that gave rise to the causes of this contemporary evil, and that occurred thanks again to those learned beings who were gathered in the city of Babylon from almost the whole surface of that ill-fated planet. " Beelzebub then turned to Hassein and spoke as follows: "This definite concept, now existing there under the name of 'art,' is one of those automatically acting data, the totality of which gradually and almost imperceptibly, yet very surely, converts these unhappy favorites of yours— beings who have in their presence all the possibilities for becoming particles of a part of divinity—merely into what is called 'live meat.' "In order to throw light on all aspects of the question of

this famous contemporary terrestrial 'art,' and for your clear understanding of how it all came about, you must first know about two facts relating to what occurred in the city of Babylon during our fifth visit in person to the surface of that planet of yours. "The first fact explains how and why I came to be a witness of those events which served as the basis for the existence among contemporary three-brained beings of the planet Earth of that now definitely maleficent notion called 'art', and the second is related to the earlier circumstances which, in their turn, were the origin of these events. "Concerning the first of these facts, I must tell you that after the events which occurred among those learned terrestrial three-brained beings who had come to Babylon from almost the whole planet—that is to say, after they had split into several independent groups and had become absorbed, as I have already told you, in the question of 'polities'—I resolved to leave Babylon and continue my observations among the beings of the powerful community called 'Hellas ' I therefore decided to learn their 'language' without delay, and from then on I began to visit those places in the city of Babylon frequented by those beings who would be most useful to me in this study. "One day, as I was walking along a certain street not far from our house I noticed on a large building I had often passed what is called on the Earth a 'signboard,' which had just been put up, announcing that in that building a new club for foreign learned beings had just been opened, called the 'Adherents of Legomonism ' On the door was a notice to the effect that the enrollment of members of the club was still going on, and that all reports and scientific discussions would be conducted only in the local and Hellenic languages. "This interested me very much, and at once I thought of the possibility of making use of this newly opened club for practice in the Hellenic language.

"I then asked certain beings who were going in and out of the building for particulars concerning the club, and when, thanks to the explanation of one of these learned beings with whom, as it turned out, I was already acquainted, I had made it all more or less clear to myself, I then and there decided to become a member. "Without thinking long about it, I entered the building and, passing myself off as a foreign learned being, I asked to be enrolled as an Adherent of Legomonism I managed to do this very easily, owing to that acquaintance whom I had met by chance and who, like the others, took me for a learned being like himself. "Well, my boy, having thus become, as they say, a 'full member' of this club, I began to go there regularly, chiefly to talk with those learned members who were familiar with the Hellenic language I needed to practice. "Now as regards the second fact I mentioned, this was due to the following events: "You must remember that among the learned beings who were then gathered in Babylon from almost the whole planet, some had been brought there by coercion by the aforementioned Persian king, and others had come of their own accord, drawn by that famous question of the 'soul And among the beings brought there by coercion were some who were not, like the majority, 'learned beings of new formation,' but who, with a sincerity proceeding from their separate spiritualized parts, strove for high knowledge with the sole aim of self-perfection. "Owing to their genuine and sincere strivings, to the corresponding manner of their existence, and to their being-acts, this small number of beings, even before their arrival in Babylon, had been considered 'initiates of the first degree' by those terrestrial three-brained beings worthy to become

'all-rights-possessing initiates according to the renewed rules of the Most Saintly Ashiata Shiemash.' "And thus, my boy, when I began frequenting this club, it became evident to me, both from conversations with its members and from other data, that these few terrestrial learned beings, who were sincerely striving to perfect their Reason, had from the beginning kept to themselves in the city of Babylon, and never mixed in any of the affairs in which the general mass of Babylonian scholars very soon became involved. "These few learned beings kept themselves apart, not only in the beginning when all the others established a meeting place in the very heart of Babylon, where for their better mutual support, both material and moral, they founded a central club for all the learned beings of the Earth, but also later on, when the whole body of learned beings split into three separate sections, each having its independent club in a different part of the city, these initiated beings identified themselves with none of the three sections. "They existed in the suburbs and scarcely ever met any of the main body of learned beings, and it was only a few days before I was admitted as a member that they united for the first time for the purpose of organizing the club of the 'Adherents of Legomonism. ' "These few learned beings I am speaking of had all without exception been brought to the city of Babylon by coercion and were for the most part among those taken by the Persian king from Egypt. "As I learned later, this union of theirs had been brought about by two learned beings who were 'initiates of the first degree.' "One of these two terrestrial initiates, who had his arising among a race of beings called the 'Moors,' was named Kami el-Norkel. The other learned initiate was named Pythagoras,

who had his arising among the Hellenes—those who were afterward called 'Greeks.' "These two learned beings, as it later became clear to me, happened to meet in the city of Babylon and, during what is called an 'ooissapagaoomnian exchange of opinions,' that is, during one of their conversations, the question arose, 'Which forms of being-existence can serve the welfare of beings of the future?' They came to the conclusion that in the course of changing generations of beings on the Earth a very lamentable phenomenon occurs, namely, that for some reason or other during the processes of reciprocal de­ struction called 'wars' and 'popular uprisings,' numbers of initiated beings of all degrees are invariably destroyed and, together with them, there are also destroyed forever many legomonisms—the sole means by which information about former real events on the Earth is transmitted and continues to be transmitted from generation to generation. "When these two sincere and honest terrestrial beings ascertained what they considered so 'lamentable a phenomenon,' they deliberated a long time and decided to take advantage of the exceptional gathering of so many learned beings in the same city to confer together for the purpose of finding some means of averting at least this distressing phenomenon, which proceeded on the Earth owing to the abnormal conditions of the life of man. "And it was for this very purpose that they organized that club and called it the 'Club of the Adherents of Legomonism.' "So many like-thinking beings at once responded to their appeal that two days after my admission, the enrollment of new members was closed. "And on the day when new members were no longer admitted, the number enrolled was 139, and the club continued with this same number of members until the Persian

king abandoned his craze concerning those terrestrial learned beings. "As I learned on joining the club, all the members present on the opening day had organized a 'general meeting,' at which it had been unanimously decided to hold a daily general meeting for reports and discussions dealing exclusively with the two following questions first, 'What measures should be taken by the members of the club on their return home in order to collect all the legomonisms existing in their native lands and to place them at the disposal of the learned members of the club?' and second, 'What is to be done in order that the legomonisms might be transmitted to remote generations by some other means than through initiates alone?' "Before my enrollment as a member, there had already been a great variety of reports and discussions concerning those two questions at their general meetings, and on the day of my admission a great deal was said on the question of how to attract, for the fundamental task of the club, the participation of initiated beings from among the followers of various 'paths,' who were then known as 'onandjiki,' 'shamanists,' 'Buddhists,' and so on. "Well then, it was on the third day after I became a member of this club that there was uttered for the first time that word which has chanced to reach contemporary beings there and which has become one of the potent factors in the final atrophy of all the data still surviving in them for more or less normal logical being-mentation, namely, the word 'art,' which then had quite another meaning and referred to an entirely different idea. "On that day when the word 'art' was uttered for the first time and its underlying idea and exact meaning were established, there was listed among the speakers a Chaldean

learned being, very well known in those times, named Aksharpantziar. "As the report of that already very aged Chaldean sage, the great Aksharpantziar, was the origin of all the subsequent events relating to that famous contemporary art, I will try to recall his speech and repeat it to you as nearly as possible word for word. "He spoke as follows:

" 'Past centuries, and especially the two last ones, have shown us that

during those inevitable psychoses of the masses leading to wars between states and popular revolts within states, it invariably happens that many of the innocent victims of the collective bestiality are those very beings who, owing to their piety and conscious sacrifices, are worthy to become initiates, and through whom various legomonisms containing information about real events that have taken place in the past could be transmitted to the conscious beings of succeeding generations. " 'Just such pious men as these always become the innocent victims of the popular bestiality because, in my opinion, being already free within, they never wholly identify themselves, as all the others do, with ordinary interests, and cannot share in the attractions, enthusiasms, and sentiments, or any other manifestation of those around them, however sincere. 'Because these pious men exist normally, and in their relations with those around them are always well-wishing in both their inner and outer manifestations, in ordinary times they acquire the respect and esteem of everyone But when the mass of people fall into this psychosis and split into their usual two opposing camps, their Reason becomes bestialized by the fighting, and they begin to entertain morbid suspicions of just these men who in normal times have always been unassuming and serious. 'And if the attention of those afflicted with this psychosis

happens to rest a little longer than usual on these exceptional men, they then have no doubt whatever that these serious and outwardly quiet beings have been, even in normal times, neither more nor less than "spies" for their present enemies. 'With their diseased Reason these brutalized men categorically conclude that the seriousness and quietness of these beings were simply "secrecy" and "duplicity. " " 'And no matter to which hostile party they belong, the result of their psychopathic conclusions is that, without any remorse of conscience whatsoever, they put these serious and quiet men to death. " 'This, it seems to me, is the most frequent reason why, in the course of their transmission from generation to generation, the legomonisms about events that really took place on this planet are totally disappearing from the face of the Earth. 'And so, my highly esteemed colleagues, if you wish to know my personal opinion, let me tell you sincerely with all my being that, in spite of everything I have said as regards the transmission of true knowledge to distant generations through corresponding initiates by means of legomonisms, there is nothing whatever that can be changed. " 'Let this form of transmission continue as before, as it has been established on the Earth since the dawn of centuries, and as this form of transmission by initiates through their "ableness to be" was renewed by the great prophet Ashiata Shiemash. 'But if we men of today now wish to render some benefit to men of future times, all we must do is add to this existing means of transmission some new means or other, ensuing from the practices of our contemporary life on the Earth as well as from the experience of former generations over many centuries, in accordance with information that has come down to us. 'I personally suggest that this transmission to future

generations be carried out through the human "afalkalnas," as they are called, that is, through various works of man's hands which have entered into the everyday life of people, and also through the human "soldjinokhas," that is, through various procedures and ceremonies, which have been established for centuries in the social and family life of people and which pass automatically from generation to generation. 'Certain of these human "afalkalnas," particularly those made of lasting materials, may remain intact and be handed down to our remote posterity, or copies may pass from generation to generation, thanks to the property rooted in man's essence of giving out as his own, after having changed some minor detail, works that have reached him from long-past epochs. 'In regard to the human "soldjinokhas," such as various "mysteries," "religious ceremonies," "family and social customs," "religious and popular dances," and so on, although their external forms often change with the flow of time, the impulses they engender in man, and the manifestations that ensue from them, always remain the same. 'Therefore, if we insert the useful information and true knowledge we have already attained within the inner factors that engender these impulses and manifestations, as well as in the works that I have mentioned, we can fully count on this knowledge reaching our very remote descendants, some of whom will decipher it and thereby enable all the others to utilize it for their good. 'The question now is only this by what means can we bring about such a transmission through the various human "afalkalnas" and "soldjinokhas"? 'For my part, I propose that this be done through the universal law called the "Law of Sevenfoldness.” 'The "Law of Sevenfoldness" exists on the Earth and will exist forever and in everything.

" 'For instance, in accordance with this law, the white ray is composed of seven independent colors, in every definite sound there are seven different independent tones, in every state of man there are seven different independent sensations, furthermore, every definite form can be made up of only seven different dimensions, every mass remains at rest on the Earth only as a result of seven "reciprocal thrusts", and so on. 'Well then, we wish that knowledge existing today— both what we have personally attained and what has reached us from times past, just that knowledge which all agree will be useful for our remote descendants—be indicated in some way or other in these human "afalkalnas" and "soldjinokhas," so that in the future it may be perceived by the pure Reason of man by means of this great universal law. 'The Law of Sevenfoldness, I repeat, will exist on the Earth as long as the Universe exists, and it will be seen and understood by men in all times as long as human thought exists, and therefore it can boldly be said that the knowledge indicated in this manner in the works of man will also exist forever on the Earth. 'And as for the method itself, that is to say, the mode of transmission by the application of this law, this, in my opinion, can be worked out as follows: 'In all the works that we will intentionally create on the basis of this law for the purpose of transmission to remote generations we shall intentionally introduce certain 'inexactitudes,' also conformable to law, and in these lawful inexactitudes we will place, in an intelligible manner, the content of some true knowledge or other in the possession of men of the present day. " 'At the same time, to serve as the "key" for deciphering those inexactitudes in that great law, we will insert in our works something like a legomonism, and we will secure its

transmission from generation to generation through initiates of a special kind, whom we shall call "initiates of art. " 'And we shall call them thus because the whole process of such a transmission of knowledge to remote generations through the Law of Sevenfoldness will not be natural but artificial. " 'And so, my most worthy and impartial colleagues " 'It must now be clear to you that if, for some reason or other, the useful information concerning knowledge already attained by men about past events on the Earth fails to reach our descendants through genuine initiates, then thanks to this new means of transmission I have proposed, men of future generations will always have the possibility of discovering and understanding for themselves, if not everything now existing on the Earth, at least those fragments of common knowledge which chance to reach them through these "works of the hands" of our contemporaries as well as through those various ceremonies existing today, in which, in accordance with this great Law of Sevenfoldness, and by means of these "artificial" indications of ours, we shall now put what we wish.' " "With these words the great Aksharpantziar concluded his report. "This speech of his aroused considerable excitement, and a noisy discussion broke out among all the members of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism, with the outcome that then and there they unanimously decided to do as the great Aksharpantziar had suggested. "A brief interval was then allowed for a meal, after which they all assembled again, and this second general meeting lasted throughout the night. "They reached the unanimous decision to begin the following day making what are called 'minia-images'—or, as the contemporary three-brained beings call them, 'models'

—of various productions, and to try to devise the most suitable means of indication, on the principles laid down by the great Aksharpantziar, and then to bring these 'minia-images,' or 'models,' of theirs to the club where they would be exhibited and explained to the other members. "Within two days, many of them already began bringing the 'minia­ images' they had made and showing them with the necessary explanations, while others began demonstrating every variety of those procedures which beings of that planet carried out on special occasions in the process of their ordinary existence, as they still do today. "The models they brought included different combinations of colors and various forms of constructions and buildings, and the being-manifestations they demonstrated included the playing of different musical instruments, the singing of every kind of melody, and also the exact representation of certain experiencings foreign to them, and so on and so forth. "Shortly thereafter, for the sake of convenience, the members of the club divided themselves into a number of groups, and devoted each seventh part of the period of time they called a 'week'—or, as they would say, each 'day'—to the presentation and explanation of their productions relating to one particular branch of knowledge. "Here it is interesting to note that this definite period of the flow of time known as a 'week' has always been divided into seven days, and this division was made by the beings of the continent of Atlantis, who expressed in it that same Law of Sevenfoldness, with which they were quite familiar. "On the continent of Atlantis the days of the week were called as follows: Adashsikra Evosikra Gevorgsikri

Midosikra Maikosikra Lookosikra Soniasikri "These names changed many times and at present the beings there name the days of the week thus: Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday "Well then, as I have just told you, they devoted each day of the week to productions in one or another special branch of knowledge—either works of their hands, or some other form of consciously designed being-manifestation "Thus, Monday was devoted to the first group, and this day was called the 'day of religious and civil ceremonies', "Tuesday was allotted to the second group, and was called the 'day of architecture', "Wednesday was called the 'day of painting',

"Thursday, the 'day of religious and popular dances',

"Friday, the 'day of sculpture',

"Saturday, the 'day of the mysteries' or, as it was also called, the 'day of the

theater', "Sunday, the 'day of music and song

"On Monday, that is, on the day of religious and civil ceremonies, the

learned beings of the first group demonstrated various ceremonies in which the 'fragments of knowledge' selected for transmission were indicated by means of inexactitudes in the Law of Sevenfoldness, chiefly

through inexactitudes in the law-conformable movements of the participants. "Let us suppose, for instance, that the leader of the given ceremony, the priest or, according to contemporaries, the minister, had to raise his arms toward Heaven. "This posture of his infallibly demanded, in accordance with the Law of Sevenfoldness, that his feet should be placed in a certain position, but these Babylonian learned beings intentionally placed the feet of the leader of the ceremony not as they would normally be placed in accordance with this law, but 'otherwise. ' "And in general it was just in these 'otherwises' that the learned beings of this group, by means of a conventional what is called 'alphabet,' indicated in the postures of the participants in the given religious ceremony the ideas they intended to transmit to their remote descendants. "On Tuesday, the day of architecture, the learned beings belonging to the second group brought various models for buildings and other constructions designed to last a very long time. "And they planned these buildings not in exact accordance with the stability ensuing from the Law of Sevenfoldness, nor as the beings there were mechanically accustomed to do, but 'otherwise.' "For instance, according to all the data, the cupola of a certain construction had to rest on four columns of a certain thickness and definite strength. "But they placed this cupola on only three columns, and they calculated the reciprocal thrust—or, as it is also expressed, the 'reciprocal resistance' ensuing from the Law of Sevenfoldness for supporting the surplanetary weight—not from the columns alone, but also from other unusual com­ binations ensuing from the same Law of Sevenfoldness, which was known to the mass of ordinary beings of that

time, in other words, they calculated the required resistance of the columns chiefly by taking into account the force of the weight of the cupola itself. "Or to give another example a certain cornerstone, according to all the data established there, both mechanically from the practice of centuries and thanks to the fully conscious calculations of certain beings with Reason, ought infallibly to have a definite mass corresponding to a certain force of resistance, but on the contrary, they cut and set this cornerstone in such a way that it did not correspond at all to the aforementioned data, and on the basis of the Law of Sevenfoldness they calculated the mass and force of resistance required for the support of the superimposed weight from the setting of the lower stones, which in their turn they did not set according to the established custom but according to calculations based on the manner of setting the still lower stones, and so on. "And it was just by setting these stones in these unusual architectural combinations derived from the Law of Sevenfoldness that they indicated, also by means of a conventional 'alphabet,' the content of some useful information "This group of learned members of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism also indicated what they wished in their minia-images, or models, of proposed constructions by utilizing the law called 'Deivibritzkar,' that is, the law of the 'action of vibrations arising in the atmosphere of enclosed spaces. "This law, no knowledge of which has reached contemporary beings of that planet, was then well known to the beings there, who were quite aware that the size and form of an enclosed space, and also the volume of air it contains, influence beings in a particular way. "Utilizing this law, they indicated their various ideas as follows: "Let us suppose that, in keeping with the character and

purpose of some building or other, and in accordance with the Law of Sevenfoldness and the practice established by centuries, its interior would necessarily evoke certain sensations in a definite lawful sequence. "Then, by utilizing the law of Deivibritzkar, they designed the interior of this proposed building in such a way that these sensations would be evoked in the beings who entered, not in the anticipated lawful sequence but in some other order. "And it was just in these deviations from the lawful sequence of sensations that they inserted what they wished to transmit. "Wednesday, the day of painting, was devoted to the study of the combinations of different colors. "On that day the learned beings of this group brought for demonstration all sorts of objects for domestic use made of very durable colored materials, such as 'carpets,' 'fabrics,' and 'chinkrooaries,' that is, drawings in various colors on skins specially tanned to last many centuries. "On these objects were drawn, or embroidered in many-colored threads, various scenes of nature on that planet and different forms of beings breeding there. "Before continuing to speak about the way in which these terrestrial learned beings indicated certain fragments of knowledge in their combinations of colors, I must point out one fact concerning this subject, which is most distressing for your favorites and which took place in their presence, again on account of those abnormal forms of daily existence established by them themselves. "This fact I wish to explain to you concerns the gradual deterioration in the quality of those 'organs of perception' which are formed in the presence of every kind of being, especially the organ that interests us at present, namely, the organ for perceiving and distinguishing what is called the

'blending of center-of-gravity vibrations,' which reach their planet from the spaces of the Universe. "I am referring to what is known as the 'common integral vibration issuing from all sources of actualizing,' which the learned being Aksharpantziar called the 'white ray,' and also to the separate blendings of 'center-of-gravity vibrations,' which are perceived and distinguished by beings as different 'tonalities of color.' "You must know that from the time of the arising of the three-brained beings of the planet Earth, before the period when the organ kundabuffer was implanted in them, and later when this organ was totally removed from their presence, and even much later, beginning from the second transapalnian catastrophe almost up to the time of our third flight in person to the surface of that planet, the organ of sight was actualized in them with the same 'sensitivity of perception' as in the common presence of all ordinary threebrained beings of the whole of our Great Universe. "During these periods I have mentioned, in all the three-brained beings arising on your planet, this organ was formed with the requisite sensitivity to perceive the blendings of the separate 'center-of-gravity vibrations' of the 'white ray,' and to distinguish one-third of all the 'tonalities of color' found in general in the presences of the planets as well as in all other cosmic concentrations, great and small. "Objective Science has precisely established that the number of separate blendings of 'center-of-gravity vibrations' issuing from the 'common integral vibration,' that is, the number of 'tonalities of color' is exactly equal to one 'hooltanpanas' which, according to the calculations of the terrestrial threebrained beings, would amount to 5, 764, 801 tonalities. "Only a third of this total number of blendings or tonalities—with the exception of the one tonality which is accessible only to the perception of our All-Autocratic

Endlessness—that is, 1, 921, 600 tonalities, can be perceived as 'different colors' by all ordinary beings on whatever planet of our Great Universe they arise. "But if the three-brained beings complete the perfecting of their highest part, and their organ for the perception of visibility thereby acquires the sensitivity of what is called 'olooestesnokhnian sight,' they can then distinguish two-thirds of the total number of tonalities existing in the Uni­ verse which, according to terrestrial calculation, amounts to 3, 843, 200 different tonalities of color. "And only those three-brained beings who perfect their highest being-part to the state of what is called 'Ishmetch' become able to perceive and distinguish the total number of blendings or tonalities, with the exception of that one tonality which, as I have already told you, is accessible to the perception of our All-Maintaining Creator alone. "Although I intend to explain to you later in detail how and why in the presences of 'insapalnian cosmic concentrations' every definite formation acquires, from evolving and involving processes, the property of producing various effects upon this organ of beings, nevertheless I do not consider it superfluous to touch upon this question now. "First of all it must be said that the 'common integral vibration,' like every already definite cosmic formation, is formed according to the completed result of the fundamental cosmic law of the holy Heptaparaparshinokh, namely, that cosmic law which the three-brained beings of the planet Earth of the Babylonian period called the 'Law of Sevenfoldness', in other words, this vibration consists of seven complexes of results or, as is sometimes said, seven 'classes of vibrations' issuing from cosmic sources, whose arising and further action depend on seven other sources, which in their turn arise and depend on seven further ones, and so on right up to the first most holy, unique, seven-propertied vibration issuing from the Most Holy Prime Source.

And all these together compose the 'common integral vibration' of all sources of actualization of everything that exists in the Universe, and later, thanks to their transformations, they actualize in the presences of the cosmic insapalnian concentrations the number of different tonalities of color I have mentioned. "As for the details of the 'most holy, unique, seven-propertied vibration,' these you will understand only when I have explained to you in its proper time, as I have already many times promised you, all about the great fundamental laws of world-creation and world-maintenance. "And meanwhile, as regards this question, you ought to know that when this 'common integral vibration,' which the terrestrial three-brained beings call the 'white ray,' enters with the presence proper to it into the spheres of its possible transformation in the presence of an insapalnian planet, there occurs in it, just as in the case of every definite cosmic arising having the possibility of further actualization, that cosmic process called 'djartklom', that is to say, it itself remains as a presence, but its essence disintegrates, as it were, and engenders processes for evolution and involution by the separate 'center-ofgravity vibrations' of its arising, and these processes are actualized thus certain groups of 'center-of-gravity vibrations' separate themselves from the others and are transformed into third ones, and so on. "During these transformations, the 'common integral vibration,' or 'white ray,' acts through its 'center-of-gravity vibrations' upon other ordinary processes taking place nearby in intraplanetary and surplanetary arisings and decompositions, and owing to 'kindred vibrations,' and in accordance with surrounding conditions, its center-of-gravity vibrations blend and become part of the common presence of these definite intraplanetary or surplanetary formations in which these processes are taking place. "So, my boy, during my personal descents to the planet

Earth, I noted, at first without any conscious intention on the part of my Reason, and later I quite intentionally verified, the progressive worsening of this being-organ in all your favorites. "Deteriorating century by century, the 'sensitivity of perception' of that organ, by means of which there chiefly proceeds in the presence of threebrained beings what is called the 'automatic saturation by externals'—which serves as the basis for the possibility of natural self-perfecting—had been diminished to such a point that at the time of our fifth stay there, during the period called by contemporary beings the period of the 'greatness of Babylon,' your favorites could perceive and distinguish the blendings of the 'center-ofgravity vibrations' of the white ray at most up to the third degree of its 'sevenfold strata,' that is, only up to 343 different tonalities of color. "Here it is interesting to note that quite a number of the three-brained beings of the Babylonian epoch already suspected the gradual deterioration of the sensitivity of this organ of theirs, and certain of them even founded a new society in Babylon, which launched a peculiar 'movement' among the painters of that time. "This peculiar 'movement' had the following program to find out and elucidate the truth only by means of the tonalities existing between white and black. "And they executed all their works using exclusively the tonalities from black to white. "When I found out about that particular 'movement' among the Babylonian painters, they were already using about fifteen hundred quite distinct shades of the color 'gray. ' "This new 'movement' in painting made a great stir among the beings who were striving to learn truth at least in something, and it even gave rise to another and still more

peculiar 'movement,' this time among the beings then known in Babylon as 'olfactorists,' who studied and devised new combinations of 'concentrations of vibrations' acting in a particular way on the sense of smell of beings, and producing definite effects on their general psyche, that is to say, among those beings who made it their aim to find the truth by means of smells. "Certain enthusiasts of this study, in imitation of the followers of the new 'movement' in painting, founded a similar society, the stated purpose of which was: 'to seek the truth in the nuances of smells given off between the moment of the action of cold at freezing and the moment of the action of heat at decomposition.' "As the painters had done with colors, they also found between these two limits of smell about seven hundred very definite gradations, which they employed in their experiments. "I do not know where these two peculiar 'movements' in Babylon would have led, if a newly appointed mayor of the city, soon after our arrival there, had not started prosecuting the followers of that second 'movement' since, with their already sufficiently keen sense of smell, they had begun to get wind of and unwittingly to expose certain of his 'shady dealings,' with the result that he used every possible means to suppress everything connected not only with that second 'movement,' but with the first as well. "As regards that organ of theirs about which we began to speak, namely, the organ for perceiving the visibility of cosmic arisings outside themselves, the deterioration of its sensitivity continued after the Babylonian period and reached such a point that during our last stay on the surface of this planet your favorites, instead of the 1, 921, 600 'tonalities of color' which they ought to have perceived, had the possibility of perceiving and distinguishing only the result of the

penultimate 'sevenfold crystallization of the white ray,' that is, forty-nine tonalities, and even then only some of your favorites had that capacity, while the rest, perhaps the majority, were deprived even of that. "But what is most interesting as regards the progressive deterioration of that most important part of their common presence is the sorry farce that results, which is that those contemporary three-brained beings who can still manage to distinguish this miserable fraction of the total number of tonalities—merely forty-nine—look down with disdain and self-conceit upon those other beings who have lost the capacity to distinguish even this insignificant number, as upon beings with an abnormal deficiency in that organ, and speak of them as afflicted by the disease called 'Daltonism.' "The last seven blendings of the 'center-of-gravity vibrations' of the 'white ray' were called in Babylon, just as now among the contemporary beings of that planet, by the following names: Red Orange Yellow Green Blue Indigo Violet "Now listen to the way in which the learned beings belonging to the group of painters indicated the useful information and various fragments of knowledge they had attained, through lawful inexactitudes of the great cosmic law called the 'Law of Sevenfoldness,' by means of the combinations of these seven independent definite colors and other, secondary tonalities derived from them. "In accordance with that definite property of the 'common

integral vibration,' or the 'white ray,' during the process of its transformations about which I have just spoken and which was already familiar to the learned Babylonian painters, each of its 'center-of-gravity vibrations' or one of the separate colors of the 'white ray' always ensues from another and is transformed into a third, for example, the color orange is obtained from red, and in turn passes into yellow, and so on and so forth. "So, whenever these learned painters of Babylon made their pictures, or wove or embroidered with colored threads, they arranged the different tonalities—whether lengthwise or crosswise or at the points of intersection of the lines of color—not in the lawful sequence in which this process normally takes place in accordance with the Law of Sevenfold-ness, but 'otherwise', and it was in these equally lawful 'otherwises' that they placed the substance of certain information and knowledge. "On Thursday, namely, the day dedicated to sacred and popular dances, the learned beings of this group presented with the necessary explanations all possible forms of religious and popular dances, some already in existence which they only modified, and other quite new ones created by them. "And in order that you should have a better idea and understanding of the way in which they indicated what they wished in these dances, you must know that the learned beings of this time had long been aware that, in accordance with the Law of Sevenfoldness, every posture or movement of any being always consists of seven 'mutually balanced' tensions arising in seven independent parts of his whole presence, and that each of these seven parts in their turn consists of seven different what are called 'lines of movement,' and that each line has seven what are called 'points of dynamic concentration', and finally that all this is repeated in the same

way and in the same sequence, but always on a diminishing scale, down to the minutest particles of the whole body, called 'atoms.' "And so, in the movements of their dances, which were lawful in their accordance with each other, these learned dancers inserted intentional inexactitudes, also lawful, indicating in them in a certain order the information and knowledge they wished to transmit. "On Friday, the day devoted to sculpture, the learned beings belonging to this group brought and exhibited minia-images, or models, made from a material called 'clay.' "Those minia-images, or models, which they brought for exhibition represented, as a rule, beings like themselves, singly or in groups, or beings of all sorts of other exterior forms breeding on their planet. "Among these works were also various 'allegorical beings,' represented with the head of a being of one form, the body of another, the limbs of a third, and so on. "The learned beings of this group indicated all that was necessary by the introduction of lawful inexactitudes in connection with what was then called the 'law of proportions.' "You should know that all the three-brained beings of the Earth, and especially of course the sculptors of that period, already knew that, in accordance with the great Law of Sevenfoldness, the dimensions of any specific part of any whole being derive from the seven dimensions of other, secondary parts, which in their turn derive from seven tertiary parts, and so on and so forth. "Therefore, the dimensions of each large or small part of the whole planetary body of a being are larger or smaller in exact proportion to the dimensions of the other parts. "For a clear understanding of what I have just said, the face of any threebrained being can serve as a good example. "The facial dimensions of every three-centered being in

general, as also the facial dimensions of the three-centered beings of the planet Earth, are the result of the dimensions of the seven fundamental parts of the whole body, and the dimensions of each separate part of the face are the result of seven different dimensions of the whole face. For example, the dimensions of the nose of any being are determined by the dimensions of the other parts of the face, and this nose in its turn has seven definite what are called 'surfaces,' and these surfaces also have seven lawful dimensions, down to the atom itself of this face of theirs, which is one of the seven independent dimensions of the whole planetary body. "Now it was in the deviations from these lawful dimensions that the learned sculptors among the members of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism indicated all kinds of useful information and fragments of knowledge that they intended to transmit to beings of remote generations. "On Saturday—the day of the mysteries, or the day of the theater—the demonstrations that were given by the learned members of this group were the most interesting of all and, as is said, the most 'popular.' "I myself also preferred these Saturdays to all the other days of the week and tried not to miss one of them I preferred them because the demonstrations given on those days by the beings of this group frequently provoked such spontaneous and sincere laughter among all the other members of this section of the club that I sometimes forgot which three-centered beings I was with, and allowed that being-impulse to manifest itself in me which properly arises only among beings of the same nature. "At the outset, the learned beings of that group demonstrated before the other members of the club various forms of being-experiencings and manifestations. Then all of them together selected from these demonstrations what best corresponded to different details of one or the other mystery

already in existence or newly created by themselves, and only afterward, by means of intentionally allowed deviations from the principles of the Law of Sevenfoldness in the being-experiencings and manifestations that they reproduced, did they indicate what they wished to transmit. "In this connection it must be noted that although in former times 'mysteries'—some of which contained many instructive ideas known to antiquity—did sometimes happen to reach beings of later epochs, having passed automatically from generation to generation, in recent times those mysteries in which the learned members of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism intentionally introduced all manner of knowledge, calculating that it would reach their remote posterity, have almost totally ceased to exist. "The mysteries that had been incorporated in the process of the ordinary existence of your favorites many centuries earlier began to disappear soon after the Babylonian period At first their place was taken by what are called 'kesbaadji' or, as they are now called on the continent of Europe, 'puppet plays,' but afterward they were completely supplanted by the 'theatrical shows' or 'spectacles' that at present are one of the forms of that contemporary art of theirs which has a particularly maleficent action in the progressive shrinking of their psyche. "These theatrical spectacles came to replace the mysteries at the beginning of the contemporary civilization after the beings, to whom only 'odds and ends' of information had passed down about the activities of the learned Babylonian 'mysterists,' began trying to imitate them and set about doing, as it were, the same thing. "From then on, the other beings called these imitators of the mysterists by such names as 'players,' 'comedians,' 'actors,' and nowadays they even call them 'artists,' of whom, I may say, very many have sprung up during recent times.

"Well then, these learned beings of Babylon belonging to the group of mysterists indicated a variety of useful information and knowledge they had attained by means of what is called the 'flow of associative movements' of the participants in these mysteries. "Although the terrestrial three-brained beings of that time were well acquainted with the law of the 'flow of associative movements,' no information whatever about these laws has reached contemporary beings. "Since this 'flow of associative movements' does not proceed in the presence of the three-brained beings who please you in the same way as in the presence of other three-brained beings in general, and since there were quite special reasons for this, proper to them alone, I must first of all explain it to you in rather more detail. "The process itself is the same in them as in us, but in us it takes place only when we are intentionally resting in order to allow the whole functioning of our common presence to be free to transform, without hindrance from our will, every variety of being-energy required for an all-round active existence, whereas in them these various being-energies can now arise only during their total inactivity, that is, during what they call their 'sleep,' and then of course only after a fashion. "However, like all other three-brained beings of the whole of our Great Universe, they consist of three separate independent spiritualized parts, each having a central place of concentration for all its functioning in a localization of its own, which they call a 'brain ' Thus every impression, whether coming from without or arising from within, is perceived independently, in accordance with its nature, by each of these brains of theirs And afterward— as is also proper to the presence of every kind of being without distinction of brain-system—these impressions, together with

previous ones, form a totality of data which, thanks to accidental shocks, evoke an independent association in each of these separate brains. "So, my boy, ever since your favorites completely ceased consciously to actualize in their common presence being-partkdolgduty—owing to which alone there can arise in beings, from associations of various kinds, what is called a 'sane comparative mentation' as well as the possibility of conscious active manifestation—their separate brains, already associating quite independently, have engendered in one and the same common presence three being-impulses of different sources, and thanks to this, they gradually have acquired, as it were, three personalities having nothing in common with each other in respect of needs and interests. "More than half of all the anomalies arising in the general psyche of your favorites, particularly in recent times, are due in the first place to the process occurring in their entire presence of three different kinds of independent associations, evoking in them being-impulses from three localizations of different natures and properties, and in the second place to the connection that exists between these three separate localizations, in them as in the presence of every kind of three-brained being, and which is predetermined by Great Nature for other functionings of their common presence, and finally, to the fact that every impression perceived and sensed, that is, every shock, arouses associations of three different kinds of impressions in the three localizations, and consequently evokes three totally different kinds of being-impulses in one and the same presence So, on account of all this, a number of experiencings are almost always proceeding in them simultaneously, and each by itself evokes in their whole being a desire for a corresponding manifestation, and thus is actualized a corresponding movement in accordance with the separate parts of their whole presence.

"And these associative experiencings of different sources proceed in their common presence and flow one from the other also in accordance with the Law of Sevenfoldness. "The learned members of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism in Babylon who belonged to this group indicated the knowledge they wished to transmit in the movements and actions of those taking part in the mysteries in the following way: "For instance, in fulfilling his role in a given mystery according to lawful associations, a participant, as a result of some new impression evoked in one or another of his brains, ought to have reacted by some particular manifestation or movement, but instead, he would intentionally enact the manifestation or movement not as it ought to have been done in accordance with the Law of Sevenfoldness, but 'otherwise', and in these 'otherwises' the learned beings of this group inserted in a definite way what they wished to transmit to distant generations. "And now, my boy, in order that you should have a concrete picture of these Saturday demonstrations, which I was always glad to attend as a rest from my intense activities at that time, I will tell you how these learned mysterists demonstrated before the other learned members of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism various being-experiencings and manifestations according to the flow of associations, from which certain fragments were selected for future mysteries. "For these demonstrations they constructed in one of the large halls of the club a specially raised platform, which they then called the 'reflector of reality,' but beings of later epochs, who chanced to receive information about these learned Babylonian mysterists and began imitating them and doing, as it were, the same thing, called and still call this sort of construction a 'stage. '

"Well then, at the beginning, two of the participants would always come onto this 'reflector of reality' or 'stage', and then usually one of them would stand for a while and, as it were, listen to his own 'dartkhelkhloostnian' state or, as it is sometimes called, the state of his own inner 'associative psychic experiencings. ' "Listening in this way, it would become clear to his Reason that, for instance, the sum total of his associative experiencings took the form of an urgent impulse to punch the face of another being, the sight of whom always aroused in him by association a certain series of impressions already present in him, which invariably evoked in his general psyche disagreeable emotions, offensive to his 'conscious feeling of himself.' "Let us suppose that these disagreeable experiencings are always produced in him when he sees a 'trodokhakhoon,' a professional whom contemporary beings there call a 'policeman.' "As soon as this 'dartkhelkhloostnian' psychic state and impulse of his become perfectly clear to his Reason, he recognizes, on the one hand, that in existing conditions of external social existence it is impossible for him to gratify this impulse to the full, and on the other hand, being already perfected in Reason and thus well aware of his dependence on the automatic functioning of the other parts of his common presence, he understands clearly that the fulfillment of some urgent being-duty of great importance to those around him is contingent on the gratification of this impulse And having thought over everything in this way, he decides to gratify this urge of his as best he can by doing at least a 'moral injury' to that 'trodokhakhoon,' that is, by evoking in him associations of an offensive nature. "With this object in view, he turns to the other learned being who had come onto the stage with him, and treating him now as a 'trodokhakhoon' or policeman, he says:

'Hey, you! Don't you know your duty? Don't you see what's going on over there ?' With this, he points in the direction of another room of the club where the other participants in the demonstrations of that day are waiting 'Those two fellows, a "soldier" and a "cobbler," are fighting in the street, disturbing the public peace, and here you are leisurely strolling about imagining yourself God knows who and leering at the passing wives of honest and respectable citizens! Just you wait, you scamp! Through my chief, the head medical officer of this city, I'll have you reported to your chief for negligence and breach of duty!' "From that moment, the learned being who had spoken would assume the role of a physician because he had chanced to call his superior the 'chief medical officer' of the city, while the second learned being who had been called a 'policeman' would become a 'policeman ' Two other learned participants would then immediately be called from the other room by the one who had assumed the role of policeman, and would take the roles of 'cobbler' and 'soldier. ' "And these two latter learned beings would have to manifest themselves in these roles only because the first learned being, who in accordance with his 'dartkhelkhloostnian' state had assumed the role of a physician, had called them 'cobbler' and 'soldier. ' "Well then, these three learned beings who were thus cast impromptu by the first, and were obliged to represent every kind of perception and manifestation lawfully corresponding to types foreign to them or, as your favorites would say, to play 'borrowed roles'—namely, the roles of 'cobbler,' 'soldier,' and 'policeman'—went on to enact their experiencings and the reflex-manifestations resulting from them, thanks to the being-property called 'ikhriltatzkakra,' a property well known to the learned beings of the planet Earth of that period, who had already perfected their presence up to the ableness of actualizing this property.

"Three-centered beings can acquire this being-property called 'ikhriltatzkakra' only after having personally acquired in their presence what is called 'egoaitoorassian will,' which in turn can be obtained only thanks to being-partkdolgduty, that is, to conscious labor and intentional suffering. "So, in this way the learned members of the group of mysterists then in Babylon became players of 'borrowed roles' and demonstrated before the other members of the club the experiencings, and the actions ensuing from them, produced under the direction of their well-informed Reason. "And then, as I have said, with the other members of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism who were present, they selected from the beingimpulses thus demonstrated those which best corresponded to their aim, and which had to be experienced and manifested in specific actions according to the law of the flow of associations coming from different sources, and only then did they include those selected in the details of some particular mystery. "Here it is important to emphasize that the learned three-brained beings who belonged to the group of the mysterists in Babylon did indeed reproduce amazingly well and accurately the subjective features of the perceptions and manifestations of various types foreign to them. "And they were able to do this not only because they possessed the beingproperty of 'ikhriltatzkakra,' but also because, like all the learned beings of the planet Earth of that time, they were well versed in what is called the 'law of type,' and were well aware of the twenty-seven quite distinct types of threebrained beings on their planet, and even of what the beings of each type would inevitably perceive in this or that situation, how they would perceive it, and what would have to be their reaction. "As regards this being-property called 'ikhriltatzkakra,' I must add that only this property gives beings the possibility of restraining themselves within the limits of the impulses

and promptings evoked at any given moment in their common presence by the associations flowing from that brain in which they themselves have consciously set in motion one or another series of impressions already present in them, and it is only thanks to this property that beings have the possibility of perceiving all the details of the psyche of a 'type' they have thoroughly studied and of manifesting themselves according to that type and fully imper­ sonating it. "In my opinion, the absence of just that property has caused most of the anomalies that have resulted in your three-brained favorites becoming possessed of such a strange psyche. "You must know that in the presence of the three-brained beings there today, as in the presence of every kind of three-brained being in general, all new impressions accumulate in the three separate brains in the order of what is called 'kinship,' and afterward take part—along with impressions previously registered—in the associations evoked in these three separate brains by every new perception in accordance with and depending on the 'center-of-gravity impulses' present in them at that moment. "So, my boy, in view of the fact that there is a continuous flow in the presence of your contemporary favorites of three kinds of independent associations, which likewise continue to evoke different kinds of beingimpulses, and furthermore, that your favorites have entirely ceased to actualize consciously all those cosmic results by means of which alone the being-property of 'ikhriltatzkakra' can be acquired in three-brained beings, then in view of all this, the common presence of each of your contemporary favorites during the process of his existence consists, as it were, of three quite separate personalities, which have and can have nothing in common in respect of either the nature of their arising or their manifestations.

"Hence there proceeds in their common presence that particularity of theirs, which is that with one part of their essence they always wish one thing, at the same time with another part they definitely wish something else, while thanks to the third part, they actually do something quite different. "In short, what takes place in their psyche is just what our dear teacher Mullah Nasr Eddin defines by the term 'a real mish-mash. ' "To return to the demonstrations of the Babylonian learned beings belonging to the group of the mysterists, I must add that in the course of the action the number of participants gradually increased as other colleagues joined in to meet the demands of various intentionally evoked associative happenings. "Besides

accurately

representing

the

perceptions

and

automatic

manifestations of the role that happened to be allotted to him, and which were proper to the personality of a type quite foreign to him, each participant had to manage while he was fulfilling that role to find some plausible pretext for going out to change into a corresponding costume. "And they changed their costumes in order to manifest themselves more clearly and in a more striking way in the fulfillment of their roles, so that the other members of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism who verified and selected the fragments for the future mysteries could follow the action more easily and make the best selection from everything they saw. "On Sunday, namely the day dedicated to music and song, the learned beings belonging to this group produced every kind of 'melody' on various 'soundproducing instruments,' as well as with their voices, and then explained to all the other learned beings how the knowledge they wished to transmit was indicated in these works of theirs.

"They also had in view to implant these works in the customs of different communities, calculating that the melodies they created, passing from generation to generation, would reach men of the remote future who, in deciphering them, would discover a knowledge attained on the Earth long before and use it for the good of their ordinary existence. "Before telling you how the learned beings of this group inserted their indications in these instrumental and vocal productions, I must first explain certain particularities of the perceptive organ of hearing in the common presence of every kind of being. "Among these particularities is the property called 'vibroechonitanko. ' "You must know that those parts of the brains of beings which Objective Science calls 'khlodistomaticules'—certain of which the learned physicians on your planet call 'cerebral nerve ganglia'—are composed of crystallized 'nirioonossian vibrations,' which in general arise in every being once his formation is complete, as a result of the process of all kinds of perceptions by their organ of hearing, and these 'khlodistomaticules,' under the action of similar but not yet crystallized vibrations, engender in the corresponding region of a given brain the property of 'vibroechonitanko' or, as it is sometimes called, 'remorse. ' "In

accordance

with

the

foresight

of

Great

Nature,

these

'khlodistomaticules' serve in the presence of beings as factors enabling the arising of the process of association at those moments when inner promptings are absent or stimuli from outside do not reach their brains. "As for the still uncrystallized 'nirioonossian vibrations' that enter the common presence of beings, these are emitted either by the 'vocal cords' of every kind of being or by certain artificial sound-producing instruments they have invented. "When the vibrations arising from those sources enter the

presence of beings and touch the 'khlodistomaticules' of one or another brain, they produce, in relation to the general functioning of the whole being, this process of 'vibroechonitanko. ' "The second particularity of the functioning of the perceptive organ of hearing is that in general the vibrations obtained from the sequence of sounds of any melody evoke associations in the presence of beings in just that one of the three brains in which at that moment the 'momentum of what has just been experienced' is sustained most intensely, and as a result the sequence of impulses evoked for inner experiencing usually follows an automatic order. "Well then, these learned musicians and singers in the city of Babylon combined their melodies in such a way that the sequence of vibrations of the sounds would evoke in beings a sequence of associations, and therefore impulses for inner experiencings, not in the usual automatic order, that is to say, they combined the melodies so that the sequences of vibrations, on entering into the common presence of beings, would evoke the 'vibroechonitanko' in the 'khlodistomaticules' not of just one brain, as usually takes place—namely, the brain in which the associations predominate at the given moment—but now in one brain, now in another, and now in the third Further, they predetermined the quality or, as they say, the 'frequency of vibrations' of the sounds which would affect one or another brain. "They were completely familiar with all this, that is, they knew from which vibrations data are formed in this or that brain of the beings, and for which new perceptions these data might serve as what are called 'determinants of new results. "Owing to the combinations of sequences of sounds, there arose simultaneously in the presence of beings different sorts of impulses evoking various contradictory sensations,

which in their turn gave rise to unusual experiencings and reflex movements not proper to them. "And indeed, my boy, the sequence of sounds they combined did have an exceedingly strange effect on all the beings whose presence they entered "Even in me, a being cast, as they would say, 'in another mold,' various being-impulses were engendered, and followed one another in an unusual sequence. "And this happened because the sounds of their melodies, combined in a definite sequence, upon entering my common presence underwent 'djartklom' or, to put it in another way, the sounds were 'sorted out' and acted equally upon my 'khlodistomaticules' of all three sources, with the consequence that the associations in my three independent brains—coming from similar but differently natured series of impressions—although proceeding simultaneously and with an equal intensity, engendered in my presence three quite different promptings. "For instance, the localization of my consciousness or, as your favorites would say, my 'thinking center,' engendered in my common presence, let us suppose, the impulse of 'joy', the second localization in me, or my 'feeling center,' engendered the impulse called 'sorrow', and the localization of the body itself or, as once again your favorites would call it, my 'moving center,' engendered the impulse of 'religiousness.' "And it was just in these unaccustomed impulses, evoked in the beings by their instrumental and vocal melodies, that the learned members of that group indicated what they wished to transmit. "And so, my boy, after all I have related, I imagine you have enough material to understand why and how, during my fifth stay in person on your planet, I happened to be a

witness of the events that gave rise to that famous word 'art,' and in what connection it was first used and what meaning was given to it in that period which your contemporary favorites call the 'Babylonian civilization.' "I shall now speak about certain facts, the knowledge of which will enable you to picture clearly to yourself and understand how greatly the 'logical mentation' in all these three-brained beings pleasing to you has deteriorated, and in so short a time that, without the least resistance on the part of their individuality, they have allowed themselves to become the 'slaves' of those few 'nonentities' among them who, having totally lost the divine impulse of Conscience, have created for their egoistic aims from this empty word 'art' that chanced to reach them an 'unerring factor' for the final atrophy in all of them of the data still surviving for conscious being. "During the period of my sixth and last stay there in person, I heard everywhere about this contemporary 'art' of theirs and came in contact with its results, and when I had made clear to myself what it was all about, I recalled my Babylonian friends of an earlier time and their good intentions toward their remote descendants, and set about verifying in detail, whenever opportunities arose, just what were the results of everything I had happened to witness, which I have just been telling you about. 'Initiating you now into the impressions, kept secret from strangers, which became fixed in my common presence during my last stay in person on the surface of your planet as a result of my conscious perceptions of this contemporary 'art' of theirs, my 'I,' with a profound being-impulse of pity, must now emphatically state that of all the fragments of knowledge attained by the beings of the Babylonian civilization—fragments which, it must be admitted were rich in content for the good of ordinary existence—abso-

lutely nothing has reached the beings of contemporary civilization apart from a few empty words without any inner content. "Not only did nothing whatever reach them of all the fragments of general knowledge which the learned beings of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism had indicated in 'lawful inexactitudes' in the sacred law of Heptaparaparshinokh or, as they called it, the 'Law of Sevenfoldness,' but in the interval of time between these two civilizations, their being-rumination has deteriorated so much that today they no longer know or even suspect the existence on their planet of this universal law. "And as regards the word 'art' which, thanks to their strange Reason, has gotten 'tangled up' during this time with 'the devil knows what,' as they themselves would say, I must tell you that my special investigations made it clear to me that, among other words and expressions used by the learned beings of Babylon which automatically passed from generation to generation, this word 'art' happened to get into the vocabulary of certain three-brained beings, in whose presence the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer had crystallized in a sequence and with a 'reciprocal action' that favored the arising of data in them for the being of 'hasnamuss individuals ' And as these beings, for some reason or other, happened to like this word, they began using it for their egoistic aims, and gradually turned it into a 'something' which, though it still consists of 'utter futility,' has gradually been enveloped in a fairylike exterior, which now blinds every one of your favorites who keeps his attention on it a little longer than usual. "Besides this word 'art,' quite a number of other words used in the discussions of the learned members of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism passed automatically from

generation to generation, as well as some 'foggy notions' about certain definite conceptions of that time. "Among these latter—as much for its name as for its caricature-like imitation—is their contemporary notion of the 'theater. ' "You remember, I have told you that in Babylon both the hall and the demonstrations themselves of the learned beings belonging to the group of the mysterists were given the name 'theater. ' "If I now enter into somewhat more detail about this contemporary theater of theirs, perhaps you will have enough material to understand how, in spite of all the good intentions and efforts of those ancient learned beings, scarcely anything of the true knowledge attained during the time of the Babylonian culture has reached the beings of contemporary European culture to which their art is largely indebted for that fairylike exterior I spoke of, and furthermore, you will grasp certain aspects of the maleficence of that famous contemporary 'art. ' "As I have told you, a certain amount of information about the activities of the group of the mysterists reached the beings of the contemporary epoch who, wishing to imitate them also in this, began building special halls for this purpose, which they too called 'theaters. ' "The three-brained beings of contemporary civilization quite frequently assemble in considerable numbers in these theaters of theirs to observe and presumably to study the various prepared manifestations of their 'artists,' as they have quite recently begun to call them, just as in Babylon the other learned members of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism studied the demonstrations of the learned beings of the group of the mysterists. "These theaters have acquired the greatest importance in the ordinary process of existence of your favorites, and so

they erect particularly imposing buildings for this purpose which, in most of their contemporary cities, rank among the most noteworthy constructions. "Here, I think, it will do no harm to comment upon the misunderstanding connected with the word 'artist.' "This word was also passed down to your contemporary favorites from the Babylonian epoch, not as all the others were, that is, as empty words without any sense, but just as a distant echo of a word formerly used. "You must know that at that time the learned members of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism were given a name by the other learned beings, who were well disposed toward them, a name which they adopted for themselves, and which your contemporary favorites would write as 'Orpheist.' "This word was formed from distinct roots of words then in use, which in contemporary times would signify 'right' and 'essence.' If someone was called that, it meant that he 'rightly sensed the essence. ' "After the Babylonian period, this expression also passed automatically from generation to generation with almost the same meaning, but about two centuries ago, when certain beings with hasnamussian tendencies began wiseacring about that empty word 'art,' and when various 'schools of art' arose and everybody considered himself a follower of one or another of those schools, then, since they did not understand the genuine meaning of the word 'art,' and chiefly because one of these schools was named after a certain Orpheus, a figure invented by the ancient Greeks, they decided to coin a new word defining their 'vocation' more exactly. "So in place of the expression 'Orpheist' they invented the word 'artist,' which was supposed to mean 'he who is occupied with art.'

"In order that you may represent to yourself more clearly all the factors connected with this misunderstanding there, you must know first of all that before the second transapalnian catastrophe, when these favorites of yours still prepared themselves for responsible existence normally, as did all threebrained beings of our Great Universe, they had at their disposal for their 'speech'—that is, for mutual intercourse through appropriate sounds, intentionally uttered— and could pronounce up to 341 different consonances or 'letters. ' "But later on, when thanks as always to the same conditions of ordinary being-existence abnormally established by them, every property inherent in the presence of three-brained beings gradually deteriorated, this 'being­ ableness' also deteriorated and at such a rate that the beings of the Babylonian period could use for their conversation only seventy-seven definite sounds And thereafter the deterioration continued so rapidly that five centuries later your favorites could pronounce at most only thirty-six different 'letters,' and the beings of certain communities could not articulate even this small number of separate sounds. "And so, my boy, information concerning the Babylonian period passed from one generation to another not only through what is called 'oral transmission,' but also by means of markings on certain durable materials, that is, 'inscriptions' consisting of conventional signs or letters, which stood for different 'articulated being-sounds' of that time When, at the beginning of the contemporary civilization, certain beings began to decipher these inscriptions, 'a bit here and a bit there,' and realized that they could not pronounce many of these 'letters,' they invented what is called a 'written compromise.' "This 'written compromise' was that, in place of any sign or letter which they could not pronounce, even though they sensed the 'flavor' of its pronunciation, they decided to use

a somewhat similar letter contained in their alphabet at the time, and so that everybody should understand that it was not that letter but quite another, they always wrote beside it a letter of the ancient Romans, still existing, but already meaningless, called in English 'h' and by the contemporary French 'ahsh.' "From then on, all the rest of your favorites followed suit, namely, to each of these 'suspicious' letters they added this Roman 'inheritance. ' "When this 'written compromise' was invented, there were about twentyfive of these 'suspicious' letters, but in the course of time, as their ability to pronounce deteriorated along with the increase of their wiseacring, the number of combined letters specially fabricated for such a 'being-faculty' diminished, and by the time the word !artist' was invented only eight of these combinations remained, and in front of this notorious 'h' they wrote letters, partly ancient Greek and partly Latin, which produced the following 'th,' 'ph,' 'gh,' 'ch,' 'sch,' 'kh,' 'dh,' and 'oh. ' "The basis for the misunderstanding I mentioned was the compromising sign 'ph. ' "And this was so because this sign appeared both in the word by which the learned mysterists were designated and in the word which stood for a personality invented by the ancient Greeks, with whose name, as I have already said, one of their 'schools of art' had been connected, the result was that the representatives of terrestrial art I spoke of, with their quite bob-tailed Reason, then thought that this word merely indicated the followers of the 'historical personality' Orpheus, and since many of them did not consider themselves his followers, they invented the word 'artist' in its place. "As you see, not every legacy of the ancient Romans turned out to be maleficent, since in the present case their little letter 'h' even became an inspiring factor for

engendering in the presence of beings of subsequent generations—already without any initiative or ability of their own— the 'being-power' to substitute for the long-established expression 'Orpheist' this new word 'artist. ' "Here I must tell you about something very strange concerning the gradual atrophy in the presence of all the terrestrial three-brained beings there of this 'being-ableness' to reproduce the sounds required for verbal intercourse. "The point is that the deterioration of this capacity does not proceed at the same rate in the psychic and organic functioning of the planetary bodies of all the beings in every generation, but it alternates, as it were, at different times and on different parts of the surface of this planet, affecting at one time more the psychic and at another time more the organic part of the functioning of their planetary body. "A very good illustration of what I have just said is afforded by the sensation of the 'taste' and the capacity to pronounce two different sounds or letters known and used there by almost all the contemporary beings breeding on all parts of the surface of your planet, and passed down to them by the ancient Greeks from times long past. "These two letters were called by the ancient Greeks 'theta' and 'delta ' "Here it is interesting to note that your favorites of very ancient times used these two letters in the formation of words having two quite opposite meanings. "To be precise, they used the letter 'theta' in words expressing ideas relating to the idea of 'good' and the letter 'delta' in words relating to the idea of 'evil', as for example 'theos,' meaning 'god,' and 'daimonion,' meaning 'demon.' "The meaning of these two letters, as well as the 'taste' of their consonance, passed to all the beings of contemporary civilization, but for some reason or other they indicated these two different letters, having entirely opposite essences, by means of one and the same sign, namely, the sign 'th. '

"The beings of a large contemporary community called 'Russia,' however hard they try, cannot pronounce these two letters at all, yet they are clearly aware of their difference; and whenever they have to use them in words expressing a definite idea, even though the sounds they make do not correspond to these letters in the least, they sense the difference between them correctly and never use one letter for the other. "On the other hand, the beings of the contemporary community called 'England' still pronounce both these letters in almost the same way as the ancient Greeks; but they sense no difference in them, and for words of entirely opposite meanings, they employ, without the least embarrassment, one and the same conventional sign, in the form of their famous 'th.' "For instance, when beings of that contemporary England utter their favorite and frequently used expression 'thank you,' you can clearly hear the ancient letter 'theta'; and when they pronounce the no less common word 'there,' you hear quite definitely and distinctly the ancient letter 'delta', but for both these letters, they make use, without any 'remorse,' of the same panparadoxical 'th. ' "Well, I think that's enough about terrestrial philology.

"We had better continue to examine why it is customary among your

contemporary favorites to have theaters everywhere, and what their contemporary actors do in these theaters, and how they manifest themselves there. "Their custom of assembling in theaters, often in large groups, arose in my opinion because these theaters and all that goes on in them happen to correspond very well to the abnormally formed common presence of most of your favorites, who have entirely lost the need proper to three-brained beings to actualize their own initiative in everything, and who exist solely in accordance with accidental shocks

from outside or the promptings of the consequences crystallized in them of one or another of the properties of the organ kundabuffer. "Ever since those theaters of theirs came into existence, your favorites have assembled in them, not for the purpose of watching and studying the representations of their 'contemporary actors,' no

they assemble merely to

satisfy one of the consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, very readily crystallized in the common presences of most of them, called 'oornel,' which they call 'showing off.' "Thanks to this consequence of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, most of the contemporary beings acquire in their presence a very strange need to evoke in others the expression of the being-impulse called 'astonishment' in regard to themselves, or even to catch a trace of it on the faces of those around them. "The strangeness of this need of theirs lies in the fact that they get satisfaction from the manifestation of astonishment on the part of others in regard to their external appearance, which they arrange to conform exactly with the demands of what is called 'fashion,' that maleficent custom that has existed ever since the Tikliamishian civilization and is now one of those being-factors which automatically leave them neither the time nor the possibility to see or sense reality. "This custom, so maleficent for them, consists in periodically changing the external form of what is called the 'covering of their nullity.' "Here, by the way, I would remark that it has gradually become the rule, in the general process of the ordinary existence of these three-brained beings who have taken your fancy, for these changes in the external form of this covering to be determined by the sort of beings of both sexes who have already become 'worthy' to be candidates for hasnamuss individuals.

"In this respect, contemporary theaters turned out to be admirably suited to your favorites, because it is very convenient and easy for them to show off, as they like to say, their 'chic coiffures' or the 'specially tied knots of their cra­ vats,' or the daringly bared what are called 'koopaitarian' parts of their bodies, and so on and so forth, and at the same time stare at the 'latest fashions' brought out according to the edicts of those famous candidates for hasnamuss individuals. "To get a clear picture of what the 'contemporary artists' do in these theaters during all this 'showing off,' you must first be told about an exceedingly strange 'illness,' known there under the name of 'dramatizacring,' the predisposition to which arises in the presence of certain of your favorites thanks simply to the carelessness of what are called their 'midwives.' "The criminal carelessness on the part of the midwife in most instances consists of this before doing her job, she calls on the way at the houses of her other clients and drinks rather more 'wine' than is good for her, so that while fulfilling her obligations she unconsciously mutters certain words fixed in the process of the ordinary existence of your favorites like the 'incantations' of what are called 'magicians', and the unfortunate new being, at the very moment of its appearance, as they say, 'in God's world,' first imbibes the words of this 'maleficent incantation,' formulated as follows 'Ekh, you, what a mess you've made!' "And so, my boy, thanks to this criminal carelessness on the part of the midwife, the unfortunate new being acquires in his presence that predisposition to the strange 'illness' I mentioned. "When one of these three-brained beings, who at his first breath has acquired this predisposition to 'dramatizacring,' reaches the age of a responsible being, if he should know

how to write even a little and has the wish to do so, he suddenly gets this strange illness, and begins wiseacring on paper or, as is said there, 'composing' various 'dramas. ' "The subjects of these works are usually some events or other which are supposed to have occurred in the past or might occur in the future, or simply events of 'contemporary unreality.' "In the common presence of the sick being, there also appear in the course of this peculiar malady seven very specific symptoms. "The first is that, when this strange illness arises and begins to function in the presence of a being, particular vibrations are spread around him which act on those near him, as they say, exactly like the 'smell of an old goat. ' "The second is that, as a result of the change in the inner functioning of such a being, the exterior form of his planetary body undergoes the following changes his nose is held aloft, his arms, as is said, 'akimbo', his speech is punctuated by a special little cough, and so on. "The third, that such a being is always terrified of certain perfectly harmless formations, natural or artificial, as for instance, a 'mouse,' a 'clenched fist,' the 'stage manager's wife,' a 'pimple on his own nose,' 'his own wife's left slipper,' and any number of other things. "The fourth symptom causes him to lose entirely all capacity for understanding the psyche of beings like himself "The fifth consists in this, that inwardly and in his outer manifestations he criticizes everybody and everything that does not come from himself. "As for the sixth, the data necessary for the perception of anything objective are more atrophied in him than in all other terrestrial three-brained beings. "And the seventh and last symptom is that there arise in him what are called 'hemorrhoids,' which are, by the way, the only thing he carries with modesty.

"Further, it usually happens that if the sick being has an uncle who is a member of one or another of their parliaments, or has struck up an acquaintance with the widow of a former 'businessman' or, if for some reason the period of his preparation for becoming a responsible being has been spent in an environment or in conditions where he has automatically acquired the property called 'slipping in without soap,' a 'producer'—or, as he is sometimes called, an 'angel'—takes his 'play' and orders 'artists' or 'actors' to 'reproduce' it exactly as it was wiseacred by this being who has fallen ill with the strange illness of 'dramatizacring.' "And these contemporary actors first reproduce this work among themselves, without spectators, and do this over and over again until it corresponds exactly to the indications of the sick being and the orders of the 'director', and finally, when all this proceeds without the participation of the consciousness and feelings of the actors, who are completely transformed into 'living automatons,' then with the help of those who have not yet become complete automatons—for which reason they acquire the name of 'stage managers'— they go through the same procedure, but now in the presence of other ordinary beings assembled in these contemporary theaters of theirs. "Thus from all I have just said, you can easily conclude that these theaters, apart from many definitely maleficent consequences, which I shall soon describe in detail, cannot of course contribute anything toward that lofty aim of the Babylonian learned beings when they created for the first time that form of conscious representation of perceptions and of the associative reactions to them of other beings like themselves. "All the same, it must be admitted that these theaters and contemporary actors, of course accidentally, did provide for

the process of their ordinary being-existence one 'not-so-bad' result. "To understand what this 'not-so-bad' result consists of, I must first explain another particularity that has become proper to the common presence of beings who arise according to the principle of 'itoklanotz. ' "According to this principle, the elaboration in the presence of these beings of the energy necessary for what is called their 'waking state' depends on the quality of the associations proceeding in them during their complete passivity or, as your favorites say, during 'sleep', and vice versa, the energy needed to make this sleep 'productive' is elaborated from the associative process going on in them during the 'waking state,' which in its turn is dependent on the quality or intensity of their activity. "And this was the case for those terrestrial three-brained beings ever since Great Nature was compelled, as I have already told you, to replace the 'fulasnitamnian' principle which until then had been proper to their presence with the principle of 'itoklanotz.' Thereupon there was acquired and still remains in the process of their existence the particularity that if, as they say, they 'sleep well,' they will 'be awake well' and, vice versa, if their 'waking state' is bad they will also 'sleep badly. ' "And so, my boy, since in recent times they have been existing very abnormally, the established automatic tempo that previously had more or less helped the appropriate associations to proceed in them has also undergone a change, so that now they sleep badly and when awake are even worse off than before. "And the reason why these contemporary theaters with their actors have come to be useful for improving the quality of their sleep is to be found in the following circumstances. "After the need to actualize being-partkdolgduty had entirely

disappeared from the presence of most of them, and all the associations of unavoidably perceived shocks began to flow during their waking state only from various 'already automatized series of former imprints' made up of 'impressions experienced long ago' and endlessly repeated, there disappeared in them even the instinctive need to receive all sorts of new shocks—vital for three-brained beings—which issue either from their inner, separately spiritualized being-parts or from corresponding perceptions coming from without for conscious associations, namely, for those being-associations upon which depends the intensity of transformation of every kind of 'being-energy' in the presence of beings. "In the last three centuries the very process of their existence has become such that in the presence of most of them there have almost ceased to arise during their daily existence any of those 'being-confrontative associations' which usually proceed in three-brained beings as a result of every kind of new perception, and from which alone data can crystallize in them for their own individuality. "Well then, when your favorites, leading their daily lives in this manner, go to these present-day theaters and watch the senseless manipulations of the actors, and receive shocks one after another from reminiscences of previously perceived images, no less senseless and absurd, there willy-nilly appear in them during this waking state of theirs more or less tolerable beingassociations, so that when they get home and go to bed they sleep much better than usual. "But although these contemporary theaters with all that goes on in them happen to be an excellent means for helping your favorites to sleep better—of course only for today— the objectively evil consequences they entail for beings, particularly for the rising generation, are incalculable. "The greatest harm done by these theaters is that they serve as an additional factor for the complete destruction in

three-brained beings of all possibilities of ever feeling a need proper to them called the 'need for real perceptions. "And they have become such a maleficent factor chiefly because of the following: "When they go to their theaters and, sitting quietly, watch the varied yet senseless manipulations and manifestations of contemporary actors, although they are in their usual waking state, all their associations, whether 'mental' or 'emotional,' proceed in them exactly as they do during their complete passivity or sleep. "That is to say, when they receive a large number of accidental shocks, which stimulate other shocks ensuing from perceptions previously fixed and automatized in a series of impressions, and when there is projected onto them the functioning of the 'organs of digestion and sex,' all this hinders the flow of those conscious being-associations which, pitiable as they are, have somehow become automatized to produce in them a more or less correct tempo for the transformation of the substances required for their passive existence, during which the substances required for their active existence must be transformed. "In other words, during the time they spend in these theaters, they are not entirely in that passive state in which the transformation of substances required for their usual waking state has become more or less automatized And so these contemporary theaters of theirs have become merely an additional maleficent factor for the destruction of the 'need for real perceptions.' "Among many other aspects of the maleficence of their contemporary art, the radiations of the contemporary 'representatives of art' themselves are one of the most obviously ignored but most harmful for all the three-brained beings there, as regards the possibility of acquiring conscious 'individual being.' "Although these maleficent radiations have gradually become

the lot, or the specific attribute, of the representatives of all branches of their art, my detailed 'physico-chemical investigations' definitely showed me that they are always most pernicious in those contemporary artists or actors who perform in these theaters of theirs. "The noxious effect on all the rest of your favorites of the totality of the radiations given off by these actors has become distinctly noticeable in their present civilization, particularly during recent times. "Although in previous epochs certain of the ordinary beings there also took up that profession, on the one hand, data for 'hasnamussian properties' did not always become completely crystallized in the presence of every one of them, and on the other hand, the other beings instinctively sensed the maleficent influence radiating from these professionals and hence were on their guard and took great care to behave toward them in a corresponding manner. "Indeed, in former centuries these artists or actors were relegated by other beings everywhere to the lowest caste and were regarded with contempt And even at the present time in many communities, for instance on the continent of Asia, it is not acceptable to shake hands with them, as is almost always the custom when meeting beings like oneself. "In these communities, it is still considered defiling to sit at the same table with these actors and to eat with them. "But on the continent that is now the chief place of what is called their 'cultured existence,' contemporary beings not only inwardly consider these actors to be on the same level as themselves, but even copy their outer appearance, and at the present time imitate them in everything. "A good example of what I have just said is the custom, now followed by your favorites, of shaving the beard and moustache.

"You should know that in past epochs these terrestrial professional actors always had to go about during the process of their ordinary existence with moustaches and beards shaved off. "And they had to shave off these 'expressers' of their masculinity and activity, first of all because, constantly playing the roles of other beings, they often had to change their appearance, putting suitable 'makeup' on their faces and wearing wigs and false moustaches and beards, which they could not possibly have done with their own beards and moustaches, and second, because the ordinary beings of all the former communities there, considering such actors dirty and a harmful influence and fearing that they might not recognize them if they chanced to meet them in ordinary conditions of existence and might inadvertently touch them, promulgated everywhere a strict ordinance requiring professional actors always to shave off their moustaches and beards in order to be unmistakable for other beings. "While explaining to you the origin of this custom among actors of shaving their moustaches and beards, I recalled a very sensible 'measure of justice' employed by the three-brained beings of the epoch of the Tikliamishian civilization also connected with the shaving of hair, but in this case with the hair growing on the heads of beings. "A law was then established and strictly enforced which decreed that those petty criminals who, after trial by seven elderly beings of the given district, had been found guilty of some 'immorality' or 'crime' belonging to one of four previously established categories—the sort of criminals with whom all their 'prisons' are usually crammed today—had always to go about everywhere for a definite term with one of four sides of their heads shaven, and furthermore, any such convicted being was obliged to uncover his head whenever he met or spoke with others.

"It is interesting to note that there then existed another law, comparable to the one about shaving the head, in regard to the immoral behavior of women. "In regard to the women, a decree existed that was also very strictly enforced, subject in this instance to the jurisdiction of seven elderly local women who had earned respect by their previous conduct And the penalties for women applied to four manifestations that were then considered as the greatest laxity and immorality. "For instance, if all the neighbors noticed that some woman had behaved negligently and without due regard to her family duties, and if the seven elderly women confirmed it, then, according to this law, for a definite term wherever she went she had to appear with painted lips. "And if various women noticed that she had begun to manifest a weakening of her maternal instinct toward her children, she was condemned according to this law to go about everywhere, also for a definite term, with the left half other face made up and painted white and red. "And if, following the same procedure, it was established that a woman manifested an inclination to avert the possibility of conceiving a new being for the prolongation of her species, she was condemned to appear before others with her face made up and also painted white and red, but this time only on the right halt. "And as for a woman who attempted to violate her 'chief wifely duty,' that is, who deceived or even had the intention of deceiving her legal husband or who attempted to destroy a new being conceived in her, she was obliged by the same procedure, and also for a definite term, to go about everywhere made up and painted white and red, this time over the whole of her face. " At this point in his tale, Beelzebub was interrupted by Ahoon with the following words:

"Your Right Reverence All your explanations concerning terrestrial art and those three-brained beings who are, so to say, its representatives, and particularly your elucidations about the contemporary 'comedians' or actors, have prompted me to make use of the impressions fixed in my common presence and perceived during my last stay on the surface of the planet Earth, in order to give our dear Hassein some good and practical advice. " Having said this, Ahoon was about to look expectantly at the face of Beelzebub with his usual unblinking gaze, but noticing the familiar smile, always sorrowful yet kind and indulgent, he turned in some confusion toward Hassein and, without waiting for permission, spoke as follows: "Who knows? Maybe, dear Hassein, you too will one day visit that planet Earth and have to exist among those peculiar three-brained beings who have taken your fancy. " And then, still keeping to the style and intonation of Beelzebub himself, he went on: "It is for this very reason that I now wish to initiate you into the results of certain impressions I involuntarily received of the various types of those contemporary representatives of art, as well as the peculiarities of their manifestations. "You must know that the three-brained beings of contemporary civilization not only adorn this present-day art with a false halo and, particularly during the last few decades, treat its so-called 'adepts' as equals and imitate them in their exterior manifestations but also, always and everywhere, unduly encourage and exalt them And in these contemporary representatives of art themselves, who as regards their genuine essence are really almost nonentities, there appears of itself, without any beingconsciousness on their part, a false assurance that they are not like all the rest but, as they call themselves, 'beings of a higher order', and the result is that in the common presence of these types the crystallization of the consequences of the properties of

the organ kundabuffer proceeds more intensively than in the presence of all the other three-brained beings there. "Furthermore, in regard to these unfortunate three-brained beings, the surrounding abnormal conditions of ordinary being-existence are already established in such a way that there are bound to be crystallized in their common presence and to become an inseparable part of their general psyche those consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer they now call 'swaggering,' 'pride,' 'self-love,' 'vanity,' 'self-conceit,' 'self-infatuation,' 'envy,' 'hate,' 'touchiness,' and so on and so forth. "These enumerated consequences are particularly conspicuous and most rigidly crystallized in those representatives of art who are 'manipulators' in the contemporary theaters, and this is because these 'manipulators,' who are always interpreting the roles of certain of their fellow men with a being and significance far superior to their own, and who in themselves, as I have already said, are almost nonentities, gradually acquire, with their wholly automatized Reason, a false view of themselves. "Thus, with their quite automatized 'consciousness' and completely nonsensical emotions, they feel themselves to be immeasurably superior to what they really are. "I must confess, dear Hassein, that during our earlier visits to the surface of that planet of yours and also at the beginning of our last sojourn there, although I was in many places and had various relations with those threebrained beings who have taken your fancy, I scarcely ever felt in my common presence a genuine impulse of being-pity for the infinitely unhappy fate of these favorites of yours, caused by circumstances hardly depending on themselves at all. "But toward the end of our sixth visit there, when certain of them were formed with the kind of inner presence now possessed by the representatives of almost all branches of that art of theirs, and when these newly arisen 'types,' taking

part in the process of ordinary being-existence on an equal basis with others, happened to come into the field of perception of my sight with their exaggeratedly abnormal 'inner appreciation of themselves,' they served as a shock for the arising in me of the impulse of pity, not only for them themselves but for all your unfortunate favorites. "Now try to turn your attention, not to all three-brained beings in general, nor to the other representatives of their contemporary art, but only to those who have become and have acquired the title of 'artists' or 'actors.' "Although every one of them in his genuine essence is almost what is called a 'nonentity,' that is, something utterly empty but enveloped in a certain visibility, they have gradually acquired such an opinion of themselves, by dint of repeating always and everywhere their favorite exclamations such as, 'What genius!' 'What talent'' 'What a gift'' and any number of other expressions as empty as themselves, that it is as if, among similar beings around them, only they are of 'divine origin'—only they are !almost gods. ' "Now listen and try to transubstantiate in the corresponding parts of your common presence, for use at the proper time, my really very practical advice. "This practical advice is that if for some reason you should have to exist, particularly in the near future, among the three-brained beings of that planet Earth which has taken your fancy—and I say in the 'near' future, because the presence of these favorites of yours as well as all the external conditions of their ordinary being-existence frequently degenerate—and if you should engage, as is proper to every conscious three-brained being, in some enterprise or other having as its aim the welfare of beings around you, and whose fulfillment depends partly on them themselves, then in whatever community of contemporary civilization you may be and whatever 'circles' you may frequent in the interests of your work, if you should ever meet any of these

terrestrial 'types,' be very, very careful and take all necessary measures to keep on good terms with them. "To see why you must be so careful with these recently arisen types, and in order that you may understand them better from every aspect, I must not fail to mention two other facts that have become quite clear. "The first is that, owing as always to the conditions of ordinary beingexistence abnormally established there, and also to the 'fictitiously inflated,' maleficent idea of their famous art, these 'representatives of art,' in the preconceived picturings and notions of the other three-brained beings, gradually become crowned with an imaginary halo, and thereby automatically acquire such authority that any opinion they express is considered beyond dispute. "And the second fact is that during their formation these recently arisen types acquire an inner presence that permits them, quite unconsciously on their part, just as easily to become somebody's slave as through accidental outer conditions to become his worst enemy. "That is why I advise you to be very much on guard not to make enemies among them, so as not to stir up a lot of trouble for yourself in carrying out your affairs. "Well then, our dear Hassein, the very 'tzimmes' of my advice to you is that if indeed you should have to exist among the beings of the planet Earth and have dealings with these representatives of contemporary art, never tell the truth to their face. "May you be preserved from such a fate! "Any truth makes these terrestrial types extremely indignant, and their animosity toward others almost always begins from this indignation You must only say to their face the sort of things that 'tickle' those consequences of the properties of the organ kundabuffer, infallibly crystallized in them, which I have already enumerated, namely, 'envy,' 'pride,' 'self-love,' 'vanity,' 'lying,' and so on.

"And, as I noticed during my stay there, the means of tickling which never fail to act on the psyche of these unfortunate favorites of yours are the following: "Suppose that one of these representatives of art has a face like a crocodile, be sure to tell him that he is the living picture of a bird of paradise. "If one of them is as stupid as a cork, say that he has the mind of Pythagoras. "If he has behaved in a certain matter like a 'super-idiot,' tell him that even that cunning fellow Lucifer could not have handled it better. "Suppose that from his appearance you see signs that he has several terrestrial diseases from which he is rotting day by day, then, with an expression of astonishment on your face, ask him: " 'Do, tell me please, what is your secret for always looking so fresh, like "peaches and cream," ' and so on. Only remember one thing . . . never tell the truth. "Although you have to behave like this toward all the beings of that planet, it is indispensable toward the representatives of all the branches of contemporary art. Having finished speaking, Ahoon, smirking like a suburban matchmaker at the wedding of a client, or the proprietress of a Paris fashion house seated in an 'ultra-chic café,' began rearranging the curls of his tail. Hassein looked at him with his usual smile full of sincere gratitude and said: "Many thanks to you, dear Ahoon, both for your advice and for your clarification of certain details of the strange psyche of the three-brained beings on that thoroughly ill-treated planet of our Great Universe. And then turning to Beelzebub he addressed him in the following words "Please, kind Grandfather, tell me. Is it really possible that

all the intentions and efforts of those Babylonian learned beings have come to nothing, and that of all those fragments of knowledge then known on the Earth, nothing whatever has reached the contemporary three-brained beings?' To this question of his grandson, Beelzebub replied: "Indeed, my boy, to the great sorrow of everything existing in the Universe, scarcely anything has survived from the results of their labors, and hence nothing has been inherited by your contemporary favorites. "The information they indicated in the manner I described passed from generation to generation for only a few of their centuries. Soon after the epoch of the 'magnificence of Babylon,' thanks again to their chief particularity, namely, the 'periodic process of reciprocal destruction,' not only did there almost entirely disappear the legomonism containing the keys to the lawful inexactitudes in the Law of Sevenfoldness that were introduced into each of the branches of the 'being-afalkalnas and soldjinokhas' but, as I have already told you, there was also gradually lost even the very idea of this universal law of the holy Heptaparaparshinokh, known in Babylon as the 'Law of Sevenfoldness.' "Every kind of conscious production of the beings of the Babylonian period was gradually destroyed, partly by decay in the course of time and partly during processes of reciprocal destruction, whenever this psychosis of theirs reached the stage called the 'destruction of everything within the sphere of visual perception. ' "These were the two chief reasons why almost all the consciously actualized results of the learned beings of the Babylonian epoch disappeared from the surface of that ill-fated planet, and at such a rate that after three of their centuries there was almost nothing left of them. "It must also be noted that the second reason I mentioned led to the gradual decline and the almost total disappearance

of that new form established in the Babylonian era for the transmission of information and various fragments of knowledge to later generations through the beings they called 'initiates of art.' "I know a good deal about the disappearance of that custom of certain beings becoming 'initiates of art,' because just before I left that planet forever I had to elucidate this very thoroughly for another aim of mine. "For this purpose I specially prepared a very good 'tikloonia' chosen from among the beings of the female sex there, and made these clarifications through her. " 'Tikloonias' were formerly known on that planet as 'pythonesses,' but the contemporary ones are called 'mediums.' "So then, I found out that in the most recent times only four of these beings, 'initiates of art,' still remain there, through whom the keys to the understanding of ancient art still continue to be transmitted by means of a 'direct line of inheritance,' and that this transmission now proceeds under very complex and arcane conditions. "Of these four initiated beings still living today, one comes from among the beings called 'Redskins' dwelling on the continent of 'America', another, from among those inhabiting what are called the 'Philippine Islands', the third, from among the beings of the continent of Asia, in the region known as the 'source of the Pianje River', and the fourth and last, from among those who are called 'Eskimos.' "Now listen carefully to why I used the expression 'almost' when I said that

three of their centuries after the Babylonian period every kind of conscious

and automatic reproduction of the 'being-afalkalnas and soldjinokhas' had

almost entirely ceased to exist.

"The point is that two of the branches of knowledge connected with the

conscious productions of the beings of the

Babylonian period chanced upon favorable conditions and certain of their elements passed from generation to generation, partly consciously through the beings transmitting them, and partly automatically. "One of these two branches recently ceased to exist, but the other has even reached certain beings of contemporary times almost unchanged. "This branch that reached beings of contemporary times is called 'sacred dances. "Thanks exclusively to the survival of these sacred dances from Babylonian times, a very limited number of three-brained beings now have the possibility, by means of certain conscious labors, to decipher them and learn the information hidden there which is useful for their own being. "And the of her branch I mentioned, which recently ceased to exist, was the branch of knowledge of the Babylonian learned beings devoted to the 'combination of different tonalities of color,' which contemporary beings call 'painting.' "The transmission of this branch of knowledge from generation to generation proceeded almost everywhere and, although gradually coming to an end with the flow of time, it continued until quite recently at a regular tempo, both consciously and automatically, among the beings of a community called 'Persia.' "And it was only just before I left your planet for the last time, when the influence of the so-called 'painters' of contemporary European culture began to make itself felt also in Persia and the Persian beings of the same profession began to wiseacre, that the transmission of this branch of knowledge entirely ceased. "It must be remarked that in spite of all this, quite a number of the works of Babylonian times did reach the beings of contemporary civilization, chiefly the beings breeding on the continent of Europe But these beings, with-

out suspecting the 'well of wisdom' concealed in these works—which were not 'originals' but only partially decayed copies made by their recent ancestors, who were not yet complete 'plagiarists'—and without taking the appropriate practical measures to safeguard them, simply stuffed them into what are called 'museums ' And there, little by little these works have been either totally destroyed or partially mutilated by frequent copyings with various corrosive and oxidizing compositions such as 'alabaster,' 'fish glue,' and so on, only in order that the copyists might swagger before their friends or fool their teachers, or achieve some other hasnamussian aim. "It must in fairness be admitted that now and again certain beings of contemporary civilization have suspected that something was concealed in the works that chanced to reach them in their original form, specially created in Babylon by the members of the club of the Adherents of Legomonism, or even in the copies of these originals made in the course of their transmission from generation to generation by various conscientious professionals, to whom, as I have already said, it had not yet become proper to 'plagiarize,' and who therefore did not resort to altering the details of the works of others in order to pass them off as their own And it sometimes happened that certain of these inquiring beings of the European civilization, while searching very attentively, actually found in these works some fragment or other of this 'something' that had been intentionally hidden in them. "For instance, at the beginning of the contemporary European civilization, a certain monk named Ignatius, who had formerly been an architect, attained the possibility of deciphering the knowledge and useful information hidden in the productions of almost all the branches of what was then called 'ancient art,' which had come down from the Babylonian epoch.

"This monk Ignatius was about to share his 'discovery' with other monks like himself, that is, with two of his so-called 'brethren'—with whom he, as a specialist, had been sent by his abbot to direct the laying of the 'foundations of a temple' that later became famous—when for some trifling reason ensuing from the crystallized consequences of one of the properties of the organ kundabuffer called 'envy,' he was murdered while asleep, and his planetary body was thrown into the expanse of water surrounding the small island on which it was proposed to erect that temple. "This monk Ignatius arose and was formed as a responsible being on the continent of Europe, but when he reached responsible age, in order to enrich himself with information concerning the profession he had made the aim of his existence, namely, that of 'architecture,' he left for the continent of Africa And there he entered the brotherhood which existed on that continent under the name of the 'Truth Seekers' And afterward, when this brotherhood migrated to the continent of Europe, where it grew in numbers and its members took the name of 'Benedictines,' he was already an 'all-rightspossessing brother' of this order. "The temple I referred to exists there even until today and is called, it seems, the abbey of 'Mont Saint-Michel. ' "On this continent of Europe several other inquiring beings also happened to notice lawful inexactitudes in the works of various branches of art that had reached them from ancient times, but no sooner did they find the key to the understanding of these inexactitudes than their existence came to an end. "Still another being from the continent of Europe noticed these inexactitudes, and becoming more and more interested and laboring perseveringly, he was able fully to decipher works of almost all the branches of art. "This wise terrestrial three-brained being was named Leonardo da Vinci.

"In concluding my present tale about contemporary terrestrial art, I might as well mention yet another of the many specific characteristics of those beings of contemporary civilization who devote themselves to this famous art. "This specific characteristic of theirs is that whenever one of these beings notices some 'lawful illogicality' in the productions that have come down from ancient times and begins to work in his branch of art in quite a new manner, perhaps in order to make this lawful illogicality clear to himself in practice, most of the beings around him occupied professionally in the same branch at once become his followers and begin doing supposedly the same thing, but of course without either aim or sense. "And it is owing to this 'specific' characteristic of the psyche of the representatives of contemporary art that, on the one hand, what are called 'new movements in art' are constantly springing up among your favorites, and on the other hand, those movements which were somehow rightly established by preceding generations, even though only after a fashion, are constantly dwindling. "Although this phenomenon exists among the representatives of all branches of contemporary art, for some reason or other the beings occupied in the branch they call 'painting' are most susceptible to it. "Hence it is that at the present time there exist among these professionals a great many 'new movements in painting' which have arisen in this way and have nothing in common. These new movements are known there by names such as 'cubism,' 'futurism,' 'synthesism,' 'imagism,' 'impressionism,' 'colorism,' 'formalism,' 'surrealism,' and many of her such names also ending in 'ism. ' At this place in Beelzebub's tale the hoofs of all the passengers of the trans-space ship Karnak suddenly radiated 'something phosphorescent.'

This meant that the ship Karnak was nearing the place of her destination, that is, the planet Revozvradendr. And already a stir and bustle began among the passengers preparing to descend from the ship. Beelzebub, Hassein, and Ahoon ended their conversation and also hurriedly began to get themselves ready. The phosphorescent gleaming of the hoofs came about because from the engine room there were directed to that section of the ship, concentrated in the required proportions, the holy parts of the sacred Omnipresent Okidanokh.

CHAPTER 31 The sixth and last sojourn of Beelzebub on the planet Earth WHEN, AFTER

two "ornakras" or, as they say on the planet Earth, after two

"months," the cosmic intersystem ship Karnak left the atmosphere of the planet Revozvradendr and began to fall back in the direction of the solar system Pandetznokh toward the planet Karatas, Hassein sat down in his usual place and turned to Beelzebub with the following words: "Dear and beloved Grandfather . . . be kind as always and tell me something more about the three-centered beings breeding on the planet Earth. " In reply to this, Beelzebub related the story of his sixth and last sojourn on the planet called "Earth." He began thus:

"I visited that planet for the sixth time just before I received my full

pardon, with permission to leave that very remote solar system situated almost beyond reach of the direct emanations of the Most Holy Sun Absolute, that is, just before my return here to the center of the Universe— to the place of my arising—in the very bosom of our Common Uni-Being Endlessness. "This time, as it turned out, I had to exist among these peculiar beings for a fairly long period, namely, a little less than a year of our time or, by their time calculation, more than three hundred years. "This last visit of mine to the surface of that planet which has pleased you was brought about by the following circumstances. "You must know that after my fifth visit to that planet of yours I continued as before to observe from time to time

the existence of the three-brained beings there I observed them most attentively during those periods when their chief particularity was taking place among them, namely, during the 'processes of reciprocal destruction. ' "And I observed them so attentively at these periods because I wished to clarify for myself, beyond all doubt, the causes of the periodic manifestations of that utterly horrifying need of their strange, not to say phenomenal, psyche. "So when I happened to be a little freer than usual, I would follow for almost a whole Martian day or night all their different manifestations during this process. "And thanks to these special observations I made from the planet Mars, as well as during my former personal sojourns among them, I acquired a fairly exact knowledge of all the ways and means used by them for more effective destruction of each other's existence. "Well, my boy, once while I was watching this process of theirs from the planet Mars through my big teskooano, I suddenly noticed something absolutely new, which served as the initial cause impelling me to undertake my sixth descent, that is, I saw that without moving from their places they did something with a certain object out of which came a tiny puff of smoke, whereupon a being from the opposite side immediately fell down either totally destroyed or with one or another part of his planetary body mutilated or de­ stroyed forever. "This observation greatly astonished me, as I had never seen such a means of reciprocal destruction before, and no data had as yet crystallized in my presence for a confrontative logical explanation of their possible use of such a means for destroying the existence of other beings like themselves My former logical and psychological explanations could in no way be applied to this new means for destroying each other's existence.

"Until then I had explained to myself that the beings of any given epoch did not acquire such an abnormal particularity of their psyche all by themselves, but that this horrible periodic being-need was acquired and gradually assimilated over the course of very many of their centuries, as always thanks to the abnormal conditions of existence established by the beings of earlier generations, and that this being-need, owing to external circumstances not depending upon them, had finally become inherent in the contemporary threebrained beings, and it was therefore inevitable for them to occupy themselves with this. "And indeed, my boy, at the start of these processes, they usually refrain instinctively from such unnatural behavior But later, when each of them finds himself in the midst of the process, and willy-nilly sees and becomes convinced that the destruction of the existence of beings like himself is accomplished so simply and that the number of those destroyed always grows and grows—then in spite of himself he begins instinctively to feel, and automatically to value, his own existence And seeing with his own eyes that at that very moment the possibility of losing his existence depends solely on the number of enemy beings not yet destroyed, and in consequence of the strengthened functioning in his imagination of the impulse called 'cowardice,' then because of the impossibility in such conditions of deliberating sanely with his already weakened being-mentation, and from a natural desire for selfpreservation, he begins to strive with all his being to destroy the existence of as many beings as possible on the enemy side, so as to have a greater chance of saving his own And as this feeling of self-preservation gradually becomes more intense, they all reach the state, as they themselves call it, of 'bestiality.' "But as regards that new means of destroying each other's existence which I then saw, it was impossible to apply this logical confrontation of mine for the simple reason that the

opposing sides were stationed fairly far apart, and that in these semi-favorable conditions they quietly and cold-bloodedly, out of boredom as it were, did 'something or other' with a certain something, and thereby destroyed the existence of other beings like themselves. "And so this new means of theirs for the destruction of each other's existence strengthened in my essence the need to clarify and to understand beyond doubt all the genuine causes of this phenomenally strange psyche, which had become proper solely to the presence of those peculiar threebrained beings. "As I had nothing particular to do at this time on the planet Mars, I decided to wind up my current affairs without delay and descend in person to your planet, and there, on the spot, to elucidate at any cost this question that had always troubled me, in order that once having solved it I would no longer have to think about these phenomena of our Great Universe. "Several Martian days later I flew there, as always, on the ship Occasion. "This time we decided to descend on the continent of Asia near the country named 'Afghanistan,' since before our flight we had clearly seen through our teskooano that the latest process of reciprocal destruction was just then going on in that country. "Having descended onto a region near Afghanistan, we decided to send our ship Occasion for mooring to some isolated place far from those regions recently populated by your favorites. "I must tell you that in recent times it has become anything but easy to find a suitable mooring place for our ship on the surface of your planet, since your favorites have built themselves many kinds of contrivances for 'marine locomotion,' which they also call 'ships,' and these ships of theirs are

constantly flitting about in all directions, mostly around the continents. "We had, of course, the possibility of making our ship Occasion invisible to their organs of sight, but we could not annihilate its presence, and therefore it could not remain stationary on the water without the constant danger of their ships bumping into it. "Well, my boy, for this reason we decided this time to send our ship for mooring to what is called the 'North Pole,' where their ships had as yet no possibility of going. "While we were descending to the surface of this planet of yours, the process of reciprocal destruction in Afghanistan came to an end, but all the same, I remained near this country, as at that period these processes of theirs took place most frequently on just that part of the continent of Asia. "Since, on this last personal flight of mine to the surface of your planet, I intended to attain without fail a complete awareness of the causes of the phenomenon that constantly troubled my essence—that is, of understanding all the reasons why the psyche of those three-brained beings who please you has become such an 'anomaly'—I did not return to the planet Mars as soon as on previous occasions but, as I have already told you, existed among your favorites for about three hundred of their years. "In giving you the information that throws light on the results of the data which were deposited for various reasons in the common presence of the three-brained beings of the planet Earth, my essence prompts me and animates my 'I' and all the separately spiritualized parts of my common pres­ ence to emphasize that during this last sojourn of mine on the surface of your planet I had to study very seriously, and to clarify by experiment, not only the details of the psyche of individuals taken singly but also the perceptions and

manifestations of the psyche of these beings in their mass reactions to each other under the influence of various combinations of surrounding conditions. "For these experiments of mine I was even obliged to have recourse to those branches of general knowledge which we call 'saonoltooriko,' 'gasometronoltooriko,' and 'sakookinoltooriko,' somewhat resembling what is found among your favorites under the names of 'medicine,' 'physiology,' and 'hypnotism.' "Soon after the beginning of my sixth sojourn I became categorically convinced, as a result of my experimental investigations, that most of the causes of the strangeness of their psyche lie, not in that usual consciousness in which they have automatized themselves to exist during what they call their 'waking state,' but in the consciousness which, thanks to their abnormal ordinary being-existence, was gradually driven back within their common presence and which, although it should have been their real consciousness, remains in them in its primitive state and is called by them the 'subconscious.' "This 'subconscious' is, moreover, just that part of their general psyche which, as you remember, was first observed by the Very Saintly Ashiata Shiemash, who established that in it there are not yet atrophied the data for the fourth sacred impulse, named 'Objective Conscience.' "Having chosen as the chief place of my existence the region in the center of the continent of Asia called 'Turkestan,' I not only went from there to those places where the processes that interested me were running their course but during the lulls in these processes I also traveled a great deal, visiting almost all the continents, where I encountered beings of many 'nationalities.' "During these travels of mine I did not stay long anywhere except in certain independent countries on the continent of

Asia called 'China,' 'India,' 'Tibet,' and also of course in that half-Asiatic, halfEuropean community that has recently become the largest of all, named 'Russia. ' "In the beginning, whatever time I had free from observations and investigations concerning my chief aim I devoted to the study of 'languages,' in order to have greater possibilities of establishing suitable relations everywhere with beings of all 'types,' belonging to every 'nationality. ' "Maybe, my boy, you do not yet know about that phenomenal absurdity found only on this ill-fated planet, which consists in this for 'verbal intercourse,' again thanks to the abnormal external conditions of their ordinary existence, there are as many different 'languages' or 'dialects' having nothing in common with each other as there are distinct independent groups into which they have gradually become divided, whereas on all other planets of our Great Universe where three-brained beings breed, there is everywhere one common form of what is called 'sound-manifesting mutual intercourse.' "Yes . . . this 'multiplicity of languages' is another of the exclusive characteristics of these strange three-brained beings who please you. "Indeed, on every scrap of 'terra firma,' and even for each tiny independent group accidentally separated from the others on such a scrap, these strange beings have developed a quite different dialect, and still continue to do so. "So nowadays, because of this, if one of the inhabitants of some locality of the planet Earth finds himself by chance in another place on the same planet, he has no possibility whatever of communicating with his fellow beings there unless he learns their language. "Even I, who by then knew eighteen of their 'languages' to perfection, found myself at times during my travels in situations where I could not even get fodder for my horses, in spite of the fact that my pockets were full of what they

call 'money,' for which in general they will joyfully give you anything you wish. "It may happen that if one of these luckless beings, existing in some town or other and knowing all the 'languages' used in that town, must for some reason go to a place no farther away than sixty or so of their 'miles'—a distance corresponding approximately to one of our 'klintranas'—then, because of the abnormality I referred to, and also of course because the data for instinctive perception were long ago atrophied in these unfortunates, this ill-fated three-brained being, so near the place of his established existence, becomes absolutely helpless and can neither ask for what he really needs nor understand a word of what is said to him. "Not only do these numerous 'languages' of theirs have nothing in common, but some of them are so constructed that they do not correspond at all with the possibilities of those organs in the common presence of beings called 'vocal cords,' which are specially adapted by Nature for this purpose Even I, who have a much greater possibility than these beings in this respect, was entirely unable to pronounce certain words. "The beings of the planet Earth, however, have themselves realized this 'absurdity' of theirs, and recently while I was still there, a number of 'representatives' of various 'substantial' communities met together somewhere in order to find a way out of this difficulty. "The chief purpose of these representatives of the important contemporary communities was to select one of the existing 'languages' and make it the common language for the whole planet. "But as usual, nothing came of this really sensible intention of theirs, owing of course to their inevitable dissensions, which always cause their promising beginnings to fall through. "In my opinion it will be useful if I tell you in a little more

detail why these dissensions occurred, as this is a very characteristic example of all the 'dissensions' in general that arise among them. "At the outset, these representatives of the substantial communities, why I don't know, limited their choice of a common planetary language to one of the following three !ancient Greek,' 'Latin,' and the language recently invented by contemporary beings called 'Esperanto. ' "The first of the three languages was the language that was elaborated and served for the 'verbal intercourse' of the beings of that ancient community which arose, as I have already told you, from a small group of Asiatic fishermen that later became a substantial community whose beings were, for a long time, specialists in the 'invention of sciences.' "From the beings of this community, that is, the ancient Greeks, not only many different 'sciences' but also their 'language' reached contemporary beings. "The second language they proposed for common planetary use, namely Latin, was the language spoken by the beings of that other substantial ancient community which was formed, as I have also told you, from a small group of Asiatic shepherds, whose descendants had been the cause of the gradual formation in the presence of all the beings of subsequent generations of that perverted function which ultimately became fixed and inherent in your contemporary favorites—thanks to which all impulses arising in them, in the sense of striving for evolution, are automatically paralyzed at their very root—the function they call 'sexuality. ' "Well then, when these representatives of various powerful contemporary communities met together in order to choose one of the three languages, they could not settle upon any one of them owing to the following considerations: "Latin they found poor in its number of words.

"And indeed, my boy, the shepherds with their limited

needs could not create a very rich vocabulary, and although Latin later became the language of a large community, apart from the special words required for orgies, they did not introduce into it anything worthwhile for the contemporary beings of your planet. "As for Greek, though by virtue of the wealth of its vocabulary it could very well have served as the universal language for their whole planet—since these former fishermen, in inventing every possible kind of fantastic science, also devised many corresponding words that remained in that language—these representatives of the powerful communities could not fix their choice upon it because of a characteristic also ensuing from this strange psyche of theirs. "The point is that all the beings who were assembled to select a common planetary language were representatives of communities which, at that period of contemporary civilization, had become 'powerful' or, as they also say, 'great.' "This ancient Greek language is still spoken by the beings of a small community called 'Greece,' but today, although they are descendants of the former, great Greeks, they do not have as many 'guns' and 'ships' at their disposal as those 'important' communities whose representatives had come together to make a unanimous choice of one common language for the whole planet. "Therefore, in all probability, those representatives who rejected this language deliberated somewhat as follows: " 'Good Heavens! How could the whole world use a language spoken by the beings of such an insignificant community, which hasn't even enough guns to entitle its representatives to equal participation in our "international five­ o'clocks"?' "Of course the contemporary beings who become representatives of 'important' communities know nothing of the true reasons why this or that community of beings like

themselves, dwelling on one or another part of their planet, becomes at times temporarily 'important' or 'great. ' "They do not even begin to suspect that this is not because of any particular qualities in the beings of these communities, but depends exclusively on the part of the surface of their planet from which, for the purposes of the most great universal trogoautoegocratic process, and in correlation with the harmonious movement of the whole of their solar system, there are required at the given period more of those vibrations arising either from their radiations or from the process of the sacred rascooarno in them. "And as for the third language that the assembled representatives considered for the use of the whole planet, namely, the one they call Esperanto, there did not even arise their usual squabbles, which they characterize as 'foaming at the mouth,' since they themselves, even with their bob-tailed Reason, immediately recognized that it could in no way serve their purpose. "The inventors of this Esperanto must have imagined that a language is like one of their contemporary 'sciences,' which can be cooked up at home in one's study, indeed, it never entered their heads that a practical language can take form only in the course of many centuries and even then only during the process of more or less normal being-existence. "This new invention called 'Esperanto' might, however, be suitable for the 'hens' of our highly esteemed Mullah Nasr Eddin to keep him supplied with amusing anecdotes. "In short, this promising undertaking of theirs, to establish one common planetary language, changed nothing in their utter absurdity and everything is still just as it was before, that is to say, this comparatively small planet, with its paltry, 'half-dead terra firma,' remains, as our dear teacher Mullah Nasr Eddin also says, 'a thousand-tongued hydra. '

"Well, my boy, at the very beginning of my last stay among them, when I began my investigations in regard to the fundamental aim I had set myself this time, that is, to become aware beyond all doubt of the causes that had engendered such a peculiar psyche in the presence of the three-brained beings of that planet, and when I had to make clear certain hidden details of this psyche of theirs, there unexpectedly arose for me a very serious difficulty It turned out that it was possible to bring to light these hidden properties which are in their subconscious only with their own voluntary help, that is, with the help of that consciousness which, with the flow of time, has become proper to them during their waking state Furthermore, I realized that this voluntary help would have to come from the three-brained beings of all the different types that have begun to be formed there during recent years. "But by this time, as it proved, all the data for the arising in their presence of the being-impulse called 'sincerity' had already atrophied in them to such a degree that they no longer had the least possibility, even if they wished, of being sincere, not only with other beings but even with themselves, that is, they could no longer, with one of their spiritualized parts, criticize and judge another part of themselves impartially. "Here it must be said that my subsequent special research revealed that the atrophy of the data which should be in them for the possibility of being sincere with themselves has one cause, whereas the atrophy of the possibility of being sincere with others has another. "The cause of the atrophy of the data for being sincere with themselves lies in the disturbance of the coordination of their common psyche. "The point is that, at the beginning of this sixth sojourn of mine among your favorites, on the one hand data continued to be crystallized in their common presence for the

arising in them, as in all three-brained beings, of the being-impulse called 'self-remorse,' which they call 'remorse of conscience,' while on the other hand all their inner and outer manifestations in the ordinary process of their beingexistence began to be progressively less and less becoming to three-brained beings. "Consequently, the causes for the manifestation of this being-impulse of 'remorse of conscience' arose more and more frequently in their presence And the sensations thus induced, which are similar to those ensuing from 'being­ partkdolgduty,' infallibly led to the suppression and enslavement of the 'denying principle' inherent in the common presence of three-brained beings, called 'self-calming' And then, during all the inner and outer manifestations of their common presence, which were set in motion by the natural stimuli of one or another of their independent spiritualized localizations, each time this disagreeable sensation of 'self-remorse' arose, they began—at first deliberately, on the initiative of their ruminating parts, and later by force of habit—to stifle and gradually stop all 'self-criticism.' "And the resulting 'impotence,' increasing more and more in their inner organization, has brought on by frequent repetition the whole disharmony of the functioning of their psyche, and has gradually caused the almost total disappearance from their common presence of the data necessarily inherent in every three-brained being of our Great Universe for manifesting sincerity even toward themselves. "As for the disappearance from their common presence of data for the 'ableness to be sincere' with other beings like themselves, this was caused by that abnormal form of their mutual relationships long before established there which, as I have already told you, was based on their division into different 'castes or classes.' "When this habit of assigning one another to these various maleficent castes had become inherent in them, there grad-

ually crystallized in the common presence of each of them two peculiar, quite opposite 'organic properties,' whose manifestations have ceased little by little to depend on either their ordinary consciousness or their 'subconscious. ' "These two properties consist in their always behaving toward each other either with 'haughtiness' or with 'servility.' "While these properties are being manifested in them, any relationship 'on equal terms' with anybody at all is paralyzed And thanks to this, their inner sincere, as well as their outer habitual, relationships have become established in such a way, particularly in recent times, that it is now quite usual, if someone belongs to a caste considered higher than that of another, for impulses called 'haughtiness,' 'contempt,' 'condescension,' and so on always and in everything to arise in him toward the other And if someone considers his own caste lower than that of another, there will unfailingly arise in him the impulses they call 'self-abasement,' 'false humility,' 'obsequiousness,' 'cringing,' and many others of the same sort, all of which together constantly corrodes in their presence what is called the 'awareness of one's own indi­ viduality,' which ought to be present in them also. "And so these properties, becoming inherent in their common presence, gradually caused your favorites to lose the habit of being sincere with others like themselves and finally to cease automatically to be capable of it, even with those belonging to their own caste. "For this reason, my boy, I decided this time, while existing among these favorites of yours, to choose that profession which makes it possible, now and then, automatically to establish relations in which they can be sincere up to a certain degree, and I did this in order to have the opportunity of asking questions indispensable to my research, and thus of collecting material for my elucidations.

"That is why I then became one of those professionals known there at the present time as 'physicians.' "This profession corresponds more or less to that of our 'zirlikners.' "Besides this profession, there is, by the way, yet another one with whose representatives some of your favorites automatically become more sincere, perhaps, than with the physicians, especially as regards their 'inner experiencings,' as they call them, which I needed most of all for my elucidations. "However, although this profession might have yielded more material for my investigations, I decided not to choose it for myself, for the sole reason that this profession, to which those called 'confessors' most often devote themselves, constantly constrains one to play a role outwardly and never allows one to consider one's real inner impulses. "Before going further, I must also explain a little about these contemporary 'physicians' who ought to correspond to our 'zirlikners.' "You are probably already well aware that our zirlikners on the planet Karatas, as also the beings corresponding to them on the other planets of our Great Universe inhabited by already formed three-brained beings, are those responsible individuals who voluntarily take upon themselves essential obligations in relation to the beings of their 'district,' and who devote the whole of their existence to helping any one of them to fulfill his beingobligations if, on account of a temporary disorder in the functioning of his planetary body, or for some other reason, he ceases to be able to fulfill his inner or outer being-duty himself. "It must be said that formerly, on your planet also, those professionals now called 'physicians' were almost the same and did almost the same as our zirlikners. But with the flow of time, the responsible beings there who devoted them-

selves to that profession, namely, to the fulfillment of this high being-duty voluntarily taken upon themselves, gradually degenerated like everything else on that strange planet, and became extremely peculiar. "And nowadays, when the functioning of the planetary body of one of your favorites becomes impaired in this or that respect, and he can no longer fulfill his being-obligations, these contemporary 'physicians' are indeed called in to help, and, no question about it, these physicians do sometimes come, but how they help and how their essence is manifested in the discharge of their obligations, precisely here, as our highly esteemed Mullah Nasr Eddin says, 'the dead camel of the merchant Vermassan Zeroonan Alaram is buried.' "You should know first of all that these contemporary professionals are for the most part those who during the period of their preparation to be responsible beings succeed in 'stuffing' themselves with quantities of miscellaneous information concerning the means for getting rid of every possible kind of what are called 'illnesses,' means which, on that planet, old women in their dotage have always prescribed and used for this purpose. "Among these means for getting rid of their illnesses are various remedies existing under the name of 'medicines. ' "And when one of the young beings becomes a responsible professional, and other beings apply to him for help, he prescribes precisely these remedies. "Here it will be very useful for the development of your Reason if a 'logicnestarian implantation' is added to your common presence, based on information concerning one very peculiar property acquired in the psyche of these contemporary professionals of the planet Earth. "This peculiar psychic property is acquired by those terrestrial professionals as soon as they receive the title of

qualified physician,' and it functions in them as long as their wish persists to help of her beings who need their aid. "The point is that, in the common presence of such a professional, both the intensity of the desire to help others and the very quality of the help always depend exclusively on the 'prevailing smell' in the house to which he is called "In other words, if the house to which he is called smells of what are known as 'English pounds,' not only does his inner 'being-wish' to help the sufferer increase to the point of what is called 'ne plus ultra,' but his planetary body at once assumes the form and outer manifestations of a 'dzedzatshoon,' that is, a 'beaten dog.' "From this smell there appears on the faces of most contemporary physicians what is called a 'boot-licking' expression, and their bobtail becomes pressed tight, almost glued between their legs. "But if the house to which one of these terrestrial zirlikners is summoned to help an ailing being smells of 'devalued German marks,' his inner beingwish to help the sufferer also increases, but only to impel him to write out as quickly as possible what is called a 'prescription'—another German invention—and to hurry out of the house. "Here I must also tell you that when, in the second case, this contemporary terrestrial physician leaves the house of the person who needed his help and walks along the street, his whole exterior, even the muscles of his face, invariably express something like the following 'Look out, you scum, or I'll crush you like cockroaches Don't you see who's coming? Not just anybody, but a genuine representative of science who has assimilated all the knowledge offered today by the highest seats of learning!' "It will be most opportune to tell you now a little about those 'medicines' I mentioned, which exist there in great quantity under every kind of name and which, on the advice

of these contemporary physicians, the ordinary beings introduce into themselves, ostensibly to cure their various illnesses. "And this is something I must really tell you about, for who knows some day you too may have to exist on that peculiar planet among those queer folk, and you would not know how to deal with these innumerable medications, nor what importance to give them. "Above all, you should remember that every young three-brained being who is preparing himself to take up the profession of physician when he reaches responsible age merely learns by rote as many names as possible from the thousands of medications known there today. "And later, when he has become a responsible being practicing this profession with the official title of 'physician,' and is called to the bedside of a sick person, his entire help consists in making a being-effort of a certain intensity just to remember the names of some of these medicines and then to write them on a scrap of paper called a 'prescription,' in order to indicate the mixture to be introduced into the planetary body of what is called 'his patient ' The intensity of his effort, however, depends first of all on the 'social status' of the patient, and second, on the number of eyes fixed on him by the beings surrounding the sick being. "Well then, this prescription he has written is taken by the near relatives of the sick being to one of their contemporary 'pharmacies,' as they are called, where the 'pharmacist' prepares the required 'mixture. ' "As for the way such 'mixtures' are prepared in these pharmacies and exactly what goes into them . . . well, you will understand this if I give you just one of the many pieces of information I picked up about it from one of the beings there exercising this very profession of pharmacist. "The tale I am about to relate refers to the period when

I had begun making frequent visits to that large community called 'Russia.' "Well, in one of the two chief cities of this large community, namely, the city called 'Moscow,' I happened to establish friendly relations with one of these professional pharmacists. "This pharmacist, according to the notions on that planet, was already an elderly being, he was very kind by nature and even, so to say, obliging. "He belonged to what is known as the 'Jewish faith.'

"It should be added that on almost all the continents there at the present

time most of these pharmacists, why I don't know, are beings belonging to the 'Jewish faith.' "And so, whenever I visited that second chief city of Russia, I would always go to see that acquaintance of mine at his pharmacy, and in the back room, generally dignified by the name of 'laboratory,' I used to chat with him about this and that. "One day when I went into his 'laboratory,' I saw that he was pounding something in a mortar and, as is customary there in such a case, I asked him what he was doing. "He replied:

" 'I am pounding burnt sugar for this prescription,' and he handed me a

scrap of paper bearing the usual 'prescription' for a widely used medicine known there as 'Dover's powder.' "This powder is called 'Dover's' because it was invented by a certain Englishman whose name was Dover, and it is chiefly used for coughs. "Glancing at the prescription he handed me, I saw that sugar was no part of it, much less burnt sugar

at which I expressed my surprise and perplexity.

"Thereupon, with a good-natured smile, he answered me, 'Of course there is no sugar in this prescription, but it does call for a certain amount of opium.

"And he went on to explain as follows: 'This Dover's powder, for some reason, is a very popular remedy among us in Russia, and is used by almost all the peoples of our immense empire. 'Hundreds of thousands of packets of this powder are used daily all over the country and, as you know, the opium it ought to contain is no cheap thing, if real opium were put into this powder, that alone would cost us pharmacists six to eight kopecks a packet, and we have to sell it for three to five kopecks Besides, even if one collected all the opium from the whole globe there would not be enough for our Russia alone. 'And so, instead of Dr Dover's prescription, we pharmacists have invented another formula making use of substances that are easily obtainable and affordable for everybody. 'That is why we prepare this powder with soda, burnt sugar, and a small quantity of quinine, all these substances are cheap well, it is true, quinine is a bit expensive but after all, you see, not much of it is needed In the whole composition of these powders, there is only about two percent of quinine. ' "Here I could not help interrupting him: 'You don't mean it! . . . Is it possible that no one has ever discovered that instead of Dover's powder you are giving them this "concoction"?' 'Of course not,' laughingly replied this good acquaintance of mine 'These things can be detected only by sight and taste, and the powder we make, whichever way you turn it and whatever microscope you examine it under, is just the color it ought to be according to the original formula of this Dr Dover And as to taste, thanks chiefly to the proportion of quinine we put into it, it is absolutely impossible to distinguish it from the genuine powder made with real opium.

" 'But what about the analysis?' I asked him " 'What analysis?' he replied sarcastically, though still with a kind smile 'A thorough analysis of a single powder would cost so much that with this money you could not only buy half a hundredweight of this powder but possibly open a whole pharmacy, so it is understandable that for three or five kopecks nobody is likely to be such a fool. " 'Strictly speaking, the kind of analysis you have in mind is never done anywhere. 'Each town, of course, has its own "analytical chemists," and even every district has specialists of this kind in its service. 'But what do they amount to and what do they know, these "analytical chemists"? 'Perhaps you are not aware of how these specialists, who occupy such responsible posts, study and what they understand? No? 'Then let me tell you. 'Take for instance some "mama's darling," a young man, with the inevitable pimples on his face—and he has pimples because his "mama" considered herself "well brought up" and thought it "indecent" to point out certain things to her son, so that this son of hers, whose consciousness was not yet formed, did that which "was done" in him, and the results of these "doings," as with all such young people, appeared on his face as pimples, well known even to contemporary medicine. Well, my esteemed Doctor . . ,' the pharmacist went on. "However, my boy, before continuing further with what the kind pharmacist said I must mention that when I became a professional physician, wherever I went your favorites called me 'doctor. ' "Some other time I will tell you all about this title they use, because that word 'doctor' was once the cause of a very sad misunderstanding involving our dear Ahoon.

"But now listen to what that amiable pharmacist went on to tell me. 'This young man,' he said, 'this mama's darling with the pimpled face, studies at some university to become a specialist in analytical chemistry, and there he is required to study textbooks fabricated for the most part by "learned beings" from Germany. "And really, my boy, these contemporary pure-blooded successors of the ancient Greeks have also developed the habit, especially during recent times, of cooking up all kinds of 'scientific books' on all subjects. "Since 'chemical analysis' is one branch of their science, these German 'scientific beings' have produced a mass of books in this field also, and almost all the peoples of Europe, as well as of other continents, use these books. 'Well,' continued that kind pharmacist, 'this young man, having finished his university course and consequently having drawn his knowledge of the socalled "composition of substances" from books fabricated by German "scien­ tists," has to make the analysis of our Dover's powder. 'In these German books from which he gathered his knowledge of the "nature of substances" it is of course stated which elements each substance is composed of, and the formulas also are invariably quoted. 'These books also describe the appearance of the substances when all the required elements are present, and how their appearance changes if these elements are lacking Several homely methods for recognizing substances are also included in these German books—for instance, by sight, by taste, by burning, as well as by certain methods that our grandmothers had heard tell of in the "good old days," and so on and so forth. 'So then, on finishing the course, this young man receives the title of "analytical chemist." " 'And it sometimes happens that before being assigned

to a responsible post he gets "practice," usually through serving for a while at a slaughterhouse, where he helps the local chemist, a former mama's darling like himself, to ascertain with the aid of a microscope, in a certain way known solely to themselves, whether or not the pork contains trichinae, and only later, when there is a vacancy somewhere, is he appointed to the official post of "analytical chemist." " 'Well, dear Doctor, such an official analytical chemist receives our Dover's powder for analysis On receiving it he recognizes it as Dover's powder, either by looking at it or by tasting it as ordinary "mortals" do, or because the sender has definitely stated that it is Dover's powder. " 'For this analysis he picks up from his table what is called the "pharmaceutical guide," also composed by Germans, which every official analytical chemist is bound to have, and in the guide he hunts up the place where the formulas of all kinds of powders are listed. " 'As Dover's powder is known everywhere, it is of course also included in this book. " 'Thereupon our highly respected analytical chemist takes from his table a form with his official title on it and writes: " ' "The powder submitted to us for analysis, according to all the tests, proves to be 'Dover's powder ' Analysis shows it to contain

" And he copies

a formula from his German "pharmaceutical guide," deliberately increasing or decreasing some of the figures, but of course only very slightly so that it won't hit you in the eye. " 'And he does this in the first place so that everyone should know that he has not written up the results of his analysis any old way but has really investigated the matter, and second because, after all, as the "town chemist" he is an official personage, and will hardly wish to make enemies in the place where he lives. " 'The completed form is dispatched to whoever sent the

Dover's powder, and the famous analytical chemist himself is quite tranquil, since no one will know that he made no analysis at all, nor can anyone check up on him, as he is the only official analytical chemist in the town, and even if one of these powders of ours should be taken to some first-rate chemist in another town there would be no cause for alarm . . . Was that the only Dover's powder in the world? The packet he analyzed no longer exists, for naturally in making the analysis he had to destroy it. 'Besides, you would never find anyone who for the sake of three kopeck's worth of Dover's powder would kick up a fuss. " 'In any case, esteemed Doctor, for thirty years now I have been making these powders according to our "prescriptions" and, believe me, I sell them, and so far I have never had any misunderstanding on account of these Dover's powders of ours And there can be no misunderstanding because Dover's powder is known everywhere and everybody is convinced that it is excellent for coughs. 'All that is required of any remedy is that it should be known to be effective. 'As for how the remedy is made and what goes into it . . . what does that matter? 'Personally speaking, from handling these medications for many years I have formed the definite opinion that none of the remedies known to contemporary medicine can be of any use without faith in them. 'And faith in a remedy arises in a person only when the remedy is well known and everybody says that it is very good for this or that illness. 'It's the same with this powder of ours, once it is called "Dover's powder" that is enough, because everybody knows it and many people say that there is nothing better for coughs. 'Besides,

speaking

candidly,

our

new

compound

is

much better than the real one made from the prescription of Dr Dover himself, if only because it contains no substance injurious to the organism " 'For instance, according to Dr Dover's formula, opium must enter into the composition of his powder. " 'And you know the properties of opium If a man takes it often enough, even in small doses, his organism soon becomes addicted to it, so that if he ever stops taking it he suffers intensely. " 'But with the powder made from our formula this would never happen, since it contains neither opium nor any other substance harmful to the organism. 'In short, my esteemed Doctor, everyone walking in the streets ought to shout from the bottom of his heart "Long live the new formula for Dover's powder!" "He was about to say something more, but just then a boy brought him from the pharmacy a whole stack of prescriptions, whereupon he got up and said to me: 'Excuse me, my dear Doctor, I am obliged to stop our friendly chat and get busy on the preparation of these innumerable orders. " 'By bad luck both of my assistants are absent today, one of them because his esteemed better half is about to bring into God's world one more mouth to feed, and the other because he must go to court for the trial of a chauffeur accused of kidnapping his daughter. ' "Well, enough of that. "If you really should have to exist among these favorites of yours, at least you will know from this last story of mine that although the physicians there write dozens of wiseacring names on their prescriptions, their remedies are almost always prepared in these official establishments called 'pharmacies' in the manner of that Dover's powder. "It even happens occasionally that early in the morni