Blue Moon

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Blue Moon Hanalei Moon Book Two

By A.J. Llewellyn

Dedication To my amazing new friend, Rosie Grindstaff, who suggested the idea for this sequel to Hanalei Moon one rainy afternoon over lunch. Hope you enjoy the end result. And to Heavenly Hina, Hawaiian Goddess of the Moon.

Author’s Note This sequel to Hanalei Moon poses the question: It’s Christmas Day, a day of miracles, right? If you had the chance to go back, erase the last 12 years of your life…would you? World champion surfer, Gaby Loe inexplicably lost twelve years of his life when he wiped out in a bad surfing accident. When he came to the surface, he discovered his beloved dog, Ginger, his car, his keys and his entire life were gone. Ntino, the man he’d loved had turned on him, Mickey True, his best friend had stolen his name and was making money based on Gaby’s mysterious disappearance…but Gaby has the perfect life now, with the man he loves, Pono until… Unbelievably, on Christmas morning, the two men have a rare fight and Gaby grabs his board and goes surfing. He wipes out again and when he makes it back to shore, Ginger is waiting for him. Somehow, Gaby has gone back in time and it’s twelve years ago…Ntino is waiting for him, Mickey is still his friend. Can he—will he—take control of his past to secure the future of his dreams?

Chapter One Christmas Day, 2009.

I

had a bad dream. It’s a dream I often have, of drowning. I awoke, breaking the surface, realizing, not for the first time that the gray whale came and saved me, buoying me, bringing me back to reality. I heard his call, felt his mana, as he left me. A part of me yearned for his sacred voice. A part of me felt blessed relief, of being able to breathe again. I woke up wet, too wet for sweat. I gasped for air and Pono, my beloved Pono, lying beside me, was awake now, his hands reaching for me. “Oh, Gaby, baby, you had that dream again, didn’t you?” I couldn’t deny it. I glanced down at the sheets, soaking wet. Whenever I had the dream, it was like I’d been swimming. “Maybe we should go see somebody, baby. You know, maybe…we need…help.” 1

A.J. Llewellyn His voice was gentle, but I knew he was concerned. It was the first time he’d said it. I’m not sure how I would handle a guy who had bad nightmares, who had a whale fungus on his back that came and went. And how would I handle being with a guy who went for a surf one day, wiped out and came back to shore inexplicably discovering he’d lost twelve years of his life? Pono seemed to deal with it all just fine. Our puppy, Kiki, lay on Pono’s feet, licking her paws. She was the granddaughter of my beloved Ginger who’d gone with me that fateful day, and whom I’d never seen again, thanks to that bizarre blast to the future. I still missed my Ginger, but felt grateful that I had a chance to love Kiki, who looked like her, but had a personality all her own. She glanced up at me, her huge, brown eyes so like Ginger’s yet full of puppy mischief. She yawned, showing me the sweet little killer teeth that mowed through shoes, garden hoses, sofas and my favorite surfboard. Pono rubbed my back and I wasn’t sure if he was consciously rubbing the spot between my shoulder blades, where the whale fungus appeared. It had started coming back again the past few days after being dormant for months. We’d been happy together, married in a baci ceremony six months ago and we’d never had a 2

Blue Moon bad argument, never a bad moment until two days before. I fingered the baci bracelet, the piece of cloth that signified our unity. I always checked it was there. Pono wore one, too, and had gone a step further, tattooing one around his upper arm, my name entwined in it. My man always joked that he wore his heart on his sleeve. Pono sighed. “What is it, babe? Talk to me.” For a moment, I sat there, watching my dog chew my feet through the blankets. I wondered how long it would take her to sink those choppers into actual skin and muscle. “I know today’s important to you. I was being a brat. I’m sorry.” He stopped rubbing my back and sat up, putting his arm around me. “Are you kidding me? I’d forgotten about that already.” “No, you hadn’t.” He laughed. “Okay, I hadn’t. But it’s cool.” “No, it’s not cool. I’ll be good. I’ll even take care of the barbecue.” “I know you will,” Pono said, his brow arched. “You are a man of your word.” That made me laugh. It was Christmas after all, but I’d hoped to spend it alone with him. Selfish, I know, but he’d gone and invited a bunch of people and although I enjoyed all of them, loved them in fact, I’d been in a weird mood. It always 3

A.J. Llewellyn happened when I started training for competitive surfing. It put me on edge. I didn’t like being that way with Pono, who was patience and goodness personified. But after all, it had been his idea that I compete for the first time ever in the annual Gaby Loe Long Board Championship. Named for me after I disappeared, the contest awarded training and sponsorship money to young surfers. “You should go and have a surf,” Pono said. “That’ll make you feel better.” “No.” I had a phobia about surfing before any big family event. The last time I did, I was living with my ex, Ntino, and we were getting ready for his sister’s wedding. I took Ginger to the beach with me and never came home again. Ginger. She was my only regret. My beautiful, wonderful girl. A lifeguard found her running along the beach and returned her to Ntino, but she never got over losing me. She died of a broken heart they tell me. Yes, I still love her. I mourn her because although I technically lost twelve years of my life, I really didn’t. For me, it’s been a year since I came out of the ocean a changed man, but I will never get over losing her. Pono understands. He knows what I went through…the court case proving I wasn’t insane, that I really had disappeared through some kind of space continuum. He knows that the people I trusted most, Ntino, and my best friend and 4

Blue Moon neighbor, Mickey, stole my money, my house, my name and put my mother into a convalescent hospital that kept her drugged. They even stole her house, too. No, he understood, but Pono is Hawaiian, and yes, I am, too, but Pono is the essence of Hawaiian spirituality. “We are facing future,” he said, guessing my anguished thoughts. It was his mantra. I smiled at him. “Yes, we are.” I still felt blessed that I got to have a second chance with Pono. Not many people got to lasso the one that got away. I did and I might have been a bit freakish about protecting our home life together, but Pono never complained. Until I bitched about Christmas. “What time is everyone coming?” I asked, sliding my hands under the covers to touch his warm, brown skin. Pono laughed. “Around two. Now cut that out, I have to check on the turkey.” I gave him my best, sad-dog look. “But, baby, it’s Christmas and how much trouble can it get into soaking in milk and cognac? Can’t we have a little fun first?” “Oh, we’re going to have fun. We gotta peel the potatoes, pick up the lobsters…what are you doing?” He laughed as I pushed him back against the bed, got between his lovely legs and lay on top of 5

A.J. Llewellyn him, covering his face with kisses. Kiki jumped off the bed. I could hear her tearing into something and hoped it wasn’t important. Pono returned my heartfelt kisses as I reached his mouth. I told him I loved him over and over again and felt him becoming aroused. I loved how hard he got just from kisses and of course, I was excited, too. I let my cock roam around his hard, muscular thighs, heard the breath catch in his throat. I let it run across his belly and his body started to writhe underneath me. Our cocks strained for each other and I held them together, stroking them off in my hand as I reached out and kissed him again. “Oh God, baby, fuck me,” he urged. I had other ideas. As soon as our leaking cocks got all slicked up, I begged Pono to fuck me. I saw the flicker of surprise in his black eyes, felt the hard leap of his cock as I climbed up and straddled him. He reached under me to stick his massive shaft into me. We both cried out as I moved up and down, his hand wrapped around my cock as I concentrated on not letting his come out of me. I loved the feeling of him inside me. I’d never been much into being fucked until I was with Pono. Now I craved him, constantly. He had a big smile on his handsome face and as I rode his body, I felt his heart already pounding. I loved how eager he was for me. He pounded into me and I rode him slowly and felt him all the way in 6

Blue Moon me. I felt his cock tensing with the need for release. I twitched inside me. It excited me, feeling his pleasure. It only increased my desire to give him more. I was really bouncing now. “I want you to come inside me, baby. I want that hot white come in me,” I shouted and we exploded together. In my head, the whale gave its call and I realized it was part of my soul, it was a mating call. Pono licked my come from his fingers, feeding me some. “You taste of pineapples,” he said. “Yeah.” We looked into each other’s eyes. He’d fed it to me with his fingers as we lay in bed the previous night. I wondered, could I ever be happier than I was in this moment? There was a knock at the door and we gazed at each other in surprise. “Who could that be?” he asked, then we heard the singsong voice. “Pono! Gaby!” We raced to throw on clothes and reached our back door, which looked right onto the ocean at Hanalei Bay. We opened the latch just as we heard Bane’s mother, Halia, saying, “I think they might be asleep, sweetie.” Pono thrust open the door and Kiki barreled out like a furry bullet, pausing to lick Bane’s hand. Bane laughed and laughed, turning his head in 7

A.J. Llewellyn her direction. Kiki frolicked on the grass, rolling on her back. I sometimes forgot Bane was blind, because his hearing was so acute. “Mele Kalikimaka!” he shouted, turning back to us. “Mele Kalikimaka,” we responded. Bane, pronounced Bah-nay, meant long awaited child in the Korean language. We had met Bane, who was a beautiful mix of Hawaiian and Korean, at our big blowout beach wedding party six months ago. He had been sad because he wanted so badly to surf, but couldn’t, because he was blind. I didn’t see why that needed to stop him and I undertook his lessons myself. Despite my fear of returning to the ocean after my bad wipeout, I came to cherish my sessions with Bane. His parents always told me I changed Bane’s life, but I know he helped me as much as I helped him. Bane helped me recover my love for the sea. Halia held a huge, Hawaiian Christmas cake in her hands. I knew it must have taken her weeks to prepare it and couldn’t wait to taste it. “There’s no canned fruit. All fresh,” Bane told us, as his mother laughed. “Come and get your Christmas present,” I told him. He was twelve, but a small boy still. I hugged him and reached across to hug Halia. “You are just in time for breakfast,” Pono said. 8

Blue Moon “We’re gonna have pancakes.” “Pancakes! Oh boy.” Bane stepped forward and Pono took his hand. They disappeared into the kitchen and I could hear their happy, chatty voices and the click of the gas stove. Cooking was another joy Bane discovered, thanks to Pono. Bane’s dad was a good man, but a rigid one. He feared his son learning so many things and Halia fought his over-protectiveness constantly. So much so, that right now the couple was separated and it devastated Bane, who felt responsible. I left the back door open for Kiki, who was taking her time with her morning ablutions and ushered Halia into the living room. It was a chilly morning, being mid-winter, but the sun shone, a determined, frothy yellow. I turned up the heat, just as Kiki returned, a squeaky toy newspaper in her mouth. If only I could get her to bring in a real newspaper, I mused as I closed the door. “This house is wonderful,” Halia said. It was wonderful. We’d just rescued it from developers who wanted to turn this last house on our stretch of the bay into condos. We’d spent a lot of money buying it and couldn’t really afford to fix everything, but we loved our beach bungalow. “How are things with Kwan?” I asked, keeping my voice low. Halia sat on the edge of our sofa, looking a little 9

A.J. Llewellyn shrunken in her jeans and sweater. She shrugged and I knew they were still bad. I took her hands in mine and waited. Kwan was not only your garden-variety control freak but an unforgiving one. He was upset over all kinds of things, but in reality, Pono and I had become aware that he had a hot young girlfriend holed up in his alleged bachelor apartment. Neither of us had the heart to tell Halia. We felt she’d find out soon enough via the coconut wireless that is the island of Kauai. “He has a girlfriend.” “Oh,” I said, surprised that she knew. “I see.” “She’s pregnant.” Another surprise. “He’s not being very nice to Bane. I don’t care that he isn’t nice to me.” “Yes, you do.” Halia, one of the most beautiful island girls I had ever seen, stared at the fireplace. I knew she wouldn’t ask because she was like that, but I knew she wanted a fire so I busied myself making one. She smiled as the first log lit. “Ah, cedar. I love the smell.” I turned back around to her and she sighed. “You’re right. I do care that Kwan is mean to me, but it’s my son’s feelings that matter more. Can you believe—” She leaned forward and her voice dropped. “He cancelled his plans for our family Christmas dinner?” 10

Blue Moon Tears fell from her heart and I patted her hand. “You’ll spend Christmas with us,” I said. Pono and I had suspected Kwan would bail on them. He frequently skipped out on his scheduled visits with his son. Thank God Pono had made plenty of food, especially extra macadamia and haupia cream pies, the only things Bane and I fought over. “We can’t do that,” she whispered. “You can and you will. Pono and I want you here.” I poked at the fire. We were expecting Pono’s brother, Lucky, and his wife, Maile, and their two sons. Our family priest, Father Kim, and his new wife were also coming, and my mom. She was sweet on a new guy on her street, but he was spending Christmas with his family. He promised he’d come by for pie and cake in the afternoon. “Mimosa?” Pono asked, coming into the room with a tray of flute glasses. “Bane gets fruit juice, the rest of us get something a little…happier,” Pono said, with a laugh. We toasted each other and Bane rushed to his mom. “I made simple syrup. All by myself!” “Wonderful,” she said. Her eyes reflected her anguish, but Halia put on a good show for her son. She took an appreciative sniff. “Something smells good.” 11

A.J. Llewellyn “Blueberry and ricotta pancakes. Dollar size,” Bane reported. “We made a ton of them.” We put on Keali’i Reichel’s Christmas album, Maluhia and Pono and Bane brought in scrambled eggs, freshly cut pineapple and a mountain of pancakes. Halia became more and more relaxed as we refilled her glass. “Coffee?” Pono asked me and I switched because I had to drive. I couldn’t resist squeezing his sexy ass as he stood beside me and his fingers lingered against my cheek as he moved back to his seat. As soon as the last bite of pancake was gone, we watched Bane open his gifts. We’d bought him a winterized, full-length wetsuit and a new board. “Oh, man!” he enthused as Halia burst into tears. “Right after lunch today, you and I will go out and hit some waves, okay?” I told him. “You can’t give him so much,” Halia protested as her son shouted over her. “Can we really go surfing, Gaby? Can we?” “Of course we can.” “Can we go now?” “No,” I said, my voice harsher than I meant. I wasn’t ready to face the ocean yet. I glanced at Pono who mouthed, please, but I ignored him. I saw the unhappy face on Bane, who seemed to recover quickly when I told him he should try on 12

Blue Moon his new wet suit. “Oh, cool!” He raced off to the bathroom. He knew our house well and made his way around by counting steps and turns. I was always amazed how well he did without a cane. His father wouldn’t let him use one, a source of constant bickering between his parents. “Can we really stay for Christmas?” Halia asked, tears in her eyes again. “Of course.” Pono put his arms around her. “We asked you plenty of times. Unfortunately, it means you’re going to have to help me peel potatoes while my man here goes to pick up his mom and the lobsters.” I grinned. “Oh, yeah, I can do that.” Bane came into the living room in his wet suit and it fit like a glove. “I feel all toasty in it,” he said, feeling around for his new board. His fingers reached up to the tip. “She’s a pintail.” “Yep, all six feet of her.” I picked up my keys. “As soon as I get back, maybe we’ll go out.” “Okay!” Bane’s face lit up and Kiki barked, ready to accompany me on my drive. “No,” I told her. “Stay.” Kiki wouldn’t listen. Ginger used to go everywhere with me. She was my constant companion. I was so devastated after I wiped out and hunted the beach and freeway for her, I still 13

A.J. Llewellyn resisted something happening to me and Kiki being stranded. “Baby.” I turned around, my hand on the front door. Pono kissed me. “Take her with you. She’ll be fine.” He paused. “You’ll be fine.” I blew out a breath. “I love you.” “So you should. I own your ass.” I laughed and Kiki and I went out to the car. “You want Christmas music or some reggae?” I asked her. She barked in my face, moving around the passenger seat of my old Woody until she found the perfect way to lie in a circle, her head on my lap. “You’re no help.” I hunted around for some cool music on the radio. Na Leo sang Mele Kalikimaka and I reversed from the driveway. I was pulling out onto the street when Halia came out screaming. “My baby! My baby!” “What is it?” I asked, throwing the car into park. “He wouldn’t wait. He’s out in the ocean. Gaby! He’s out there alone!” I jumped out of the car, Kiki on my heels. Pono was running to the shoreline, but I blew right past him. Bane’s new board was bobbing on the crisp surf, but he was nowhere to be seen. Plunging into the water, I took off after him. I 14

Blue Moon felt the wave crash into me. I almost laughed at my own stupidity except that I swallowed a bucket of water and the wave kept coming. It felt like I’d been hit by a brick. I heard someone screaming my name and my fingers clawed at weeds and water. I went down with the next assault, my head hitting the bottom. I felt my neck crack, my back slicing across the sand bed and couldn’t stop myself being dragged out on the riptide. I felt the breath…the life force leaving me. It would have been easy to let go, to cave into the ocean, but I thought only of Pono. I needed to survive. For him. My body obeyed my will and I came off the floor, my arms swinging wildly up, up and I tumbled again, pushing myself relentlessly to the surface. The pain in my ear was unbelievable and blood streamed into my mouth as I coughed and spluttered. I had swallowed a lot of water, but I could breathe now and I wanted to cry. I almost died. I looked around me. Man, I was a long way out. I lost all sense of direction and became alarmed when I couldn’t see or hear anybody. “Pono!” I screamed. “Bane!” I spotted the curve of sand. “Kiki!” Swimming like a loon, the water resisted my progress, but I made it. I got to the shallow end and hoisted myself from the ocean. I stopped. What the fuck. 15

A.J. Llewellyn Ginger’s bowl. It was the bowl I always took with me to the beach. It sat on the rocks only…only…I hadn’t seen the bowl in twelve years! It was only when I looked down and saw that I was not wearing the shorts and tank I’d put on that morning, but my wetsuit, that I started to cry. Somehow, some way…I’d gone back in time.

16

Blue Moon

Chapter Two Where was she? I tried to think back to G inger. what they told me had happened to her. Pono

said a lifeguard had found her running on the beach when I’d gone missing. For a surreal moment, I had no idea if I’d hallucinated everything and that I’d never gone back to the future and found my life with Pono…except that I knew…just knew I wasn’t crazy. Stealing myself for the truth, I pushed up the sleeve of my wetsuit. The baci string I’d exchanged with Pono was there. I don’t think I could have gone on if it hadn’t been there. Pono was with me. He still loved me. Somehow…we’d gotten back twelve years. Twelve years! I found my keys and towel still sitting under my flip-flops and picked up the bowl. Ginger. I wanted my girl. I wanted my dog. I ran like a crazy man up the rocks and scanned the sandy portion of Secret Beach to my right. No sign of her. I ran back to the car and there she was. Blessed, 17

A.J. Llewellyn four-legged saint, she was curled under my old Woody. “Baby?” Ginger’s eyes opened and she wagged her tail. It thumped the hard sand. I was surprised that she hadn’t come right out to me. I hadn’t seen her for twelve years. Didn’t she miss me? I saw it then. A pool of blood and a huge fishhook trapped in her paw. I fell to my knees to pull it out. Why hadn’t anyone told me about the fishhook? She whined and cried, but licked my fingers when the horrible, jagged piece of metal came out. It had an ivory tip. Whalebone. From somewhere in my soul, a whale called and I threw myself on Ginger, hugging and kissing her. Her paw was up, huge, swollen like a balloon. I had to get her to the vet. Ginger licked my face and I kissed her nose, her snout, the top of her head and held her in my arms. I wanted to thank God for a second chance to love Ginger better, to be a better dad to her. She kept licking me and I realized she was cleaning the blood from my eye. I had a horrible time putting her in the car because I never wanted to let her go. I wrapped my towel around her paw and she went to work on it, trying to chew it off. Sobbing hysterically at the feel of the Woody’s 18

Blue Moon lovely, smooth widen steering wheel under my hands again, my fingers shook as I inserted the key and turned it over. Ace of Base played. All That She Wants. It was the song playing when I got in the car…all those years ago. I got on the highway and lost my sense of direction once again. The feeling of being swamped by the ocean was still strong and I was stunned to see landmarks I’d carefully memorized in the Kauai of twelve years in the future, were back the way I’d always remembered them. I braked hard, a car behind me almost slamming right into me. The guy flipped me the bird and veered around me. If I’d gone back to the past, I could change the future. I could stop Ntino’s sister marrying Mickey when Marcie died. My God…I could spend time with Marcie…maybe get her to change her mind about moving to California…maybe she wouldn’t die in that car accident. I could save my mom’s home…I could dump Ntino and marry Pono. First things first…I got lost looking for Happy Valley vet hospital and with a pang, realized it was from Kauai in the future. Ginger wasn’t looking so hot. Blood seeped through the towel and her head lolled on my lap. I remembered Ginger’s vet had been cranky old George at Peppy Pets vet hospital on Kaumuali’i Highway. I got there just as George was about to 19

A.J. Llewellyn get into his truck. He didn’t look too happy to see me. I hunted for my memories of him in the future and realized he wasn’t there. In the same instant, I realized I owed him money for the last time I’d brought Ginger to him. “You look like shit, Gaby,” he said. “What the hell happened to you?” “Bad wipeout.” “Are you here for you or the dog?” “For Ginger. George, I know I owe you money and I’m sorry. You’ll get it. Every last dime of it.” He looked surprised. “You said I was a quack and you’d pay me when hell froze over.” Now it was my turn to be surprised. “I said that?” He shrugged. “Yeah.” “Shit, George, I’m so sorry, but it’s Ginger. Please, please look at her. I just took this out of her paw.” I held up the hook and he looked down at the blood oozing onto the towel. George, who always liked animals a lot better than people, gave a dramatic sigh. “You’d better come in.” He walked to the front door and I picked up my ailing dog. I suddenly remembered what happened to Peppy George in the future. I hurried into the clinic before he could change his mind. “George,” I said, “you feeling okay?” 20

Blue Moon “Yeah,” I’m okay.” He flicked on fluorescent lights that took a while coming on. George dies in an electrical fire in his clinic. I could change that. I could bring someone out here to fix it. “I’m not the one with half my head caved in, Gaby. You sure did take a beating, kid.” Now I was nervous. The lights still flickered and I was worried I wouldn’t get back in time to fix his wiring. I remembered now that George put his hand on the light switch and barbecued himself and a bunch of animals. I’d ask Mickey. Mickey might be an asshole in the future, but the Mickey I knew from the past would help…no. Pono. I’d ask Pono. Then I’d tell him I wanted him back. That I wanted us back. I wanted it all back again. “You have to put her down, Gaby.” “Oh.” I relinquished physical custody of my Ginger, stroking her precious head as he examined her paw. George gave me a look of reproach. “You don’t trust me or something? I’m the one who delivered her puppies when one of them got stuck. Remember?” How could I forget? It came out feet first and wanted to stay inside her. I still regretted not keeping one of those five puppies, but loved knowing that all went to awesome homes. I also 21

A.J. Llewellyn knew I would have Kiki, her progeny to love and cherish twelve years from now… “Gaby, show me that hook.” I handed it to him. “I’ve never seen anything like this. I think this is an antique. Where’d she step on it?” “Out on Hanalei Bay, on the rocks. At least, I think. I was busy wiping out.” George filled a syringe. “You never wipe out.” “What’s that?” He glared at me. “Little bit of local anesthetic. I need to give her a couple stitches.” Ginger yelped and the lights still flickered. “George, you been having problems with the lights?” “Yeah. It’s real weird. Ever since the last rain.” He stared at me a moment. “Why do you ask?” “You ever get an electric shock turning on the lights?” His hand hovered over Ginger’s paw and his mouth opened. “How’d you know that?” “George. I’m coming back here this afternoon and I’m bringing help. You could get seriously injured.” “I don’t have money for an electrician. It’ll be okay once the roof dries out.” “Jesus…George, please. Let me come back with Pono this afternoon. We’ll fix this.” “Who?” 22

Blue Moon He jabbed Ginger’s paw and she yelped. Geez, maybe he was a quack. He waited a beat or two and sewed up her torn pad. Ginger lay on her side, a dramatic expression on her face as her paw hovered in the air. “What a ham,” George kidded. He tied off the stitches, ruffled her chin and Ginger was only too happy to get off the table. “Maybe we should keep her here overnight. I’ll keep my eye on her.” “When hell freezes over,” I said, the words slipping out before I could stop them. “Sorry. George. Listen, please listen to me. I’m coming back with a friend this afternoon. We’re going to fix the electrical problem.” “I heard you the first time,” he said. “But I’ll believe it when I see it.” “Don’t touch the switches anymore. Promise me.” “Promise you?” George stared at me. “What’s the matter with you, Gaby? You’re actin’ real weird.” “Promise me.” He rolled his eyes. “All right. I promise you.” “Thank you, George.” “You fix it and you don’t owe me anything for today.” We shook hands. “And all the other times.” 23

A.J. Llewellyn I cringed at his words. Was I really this big a schmuck twelve years ago? “You should see a doctor,” George said, allowing me to turn off the lights. Ginger ran ahead of me as if nothing had happened to her paw. “She’s a dog. They heal quick. But you…” he shook his head. “You got that big competition tomorrow.” Shit. The competition. I’d forgotten all about it. For a moment, I wondered what happened to my surfboard and I remembered that they found it broken in two. Whatever. I no longer cared about being world champion. I wanted to find Pono, tell him how much I loved him and start our new lives together. I drove home. Home. My ear ached something fierce and nausea kept whomping me in gigantic waves…like a great pendulum within me. I felt myself swerving into the other lane a couple of times and fought to keep my equilibrium. The fishhook lay in the consul beside me and my fingers closed around it. Oddly, it made me feel better. As Ginger and I rounded the bed to the sweet sweep of houses lining the horseshoe crescent that made up the street where I lived, I pulled over to the side of the road, taking a couple of big breaths. 24

Blue Moon This was gonna be tough. Ntino in the future would deny me. He would write books about me and bribe my friend and neighbor, Mickey, into paying him off so that Mickey could make a fortune off my name. In the twelve years I mysteriously disappeared, Ginger died within months of my vanishing. Ntino returned to the bosom of his family, married a woman and began to hate me with a vengeance. My best female friend, Maile, got breast cancer. Mickey’s wife died. I had to find Maile and get her to stop eating junk food. I would do whatever I had to do to keep her from getting cancer. Yes, she would survive and even have two fantastic boys. Man, I missed those kids already, but…I had to keep Marcie safe. The future swam before me. All the world events that I could change…maybe stop. My heart skipped a beat, I swear. 9/11. Could I stop that? I had to tread carefully with Ntino and remember that the man I left twelve years ago was mad that I’d gone out for a surf. I paused. His brother’s wedding day. No…not his brother…his sister. I remembered now. The Ntino I knew then was the man I loved. Pono was my ex. Boy does that hurt thinking that. The Ntino from twelve years ago…we had problems, but we were in love. He’d defied his parents to be with me. 25

A.J. Llewellyn Another deep breath. Ntino was gonna be griefstricken when I broke up with him. I pulled back onto the road. It sure was weird rolling up to the old joint, knowing that in just a few years, it was all gonna get torn up be developers. I would stop that, too. Feeling very woozy, I got out of the car in the driveway, surprised at how shabby our front yard looked. When was the last time I’d mowed the grass? Ginger trotted ahead of me. “What the hell happened to you?” Ntino was screaming at me before I’d even set foot inside the house. I opened my mouth, but his words trumped mine. “You bastard!” he screamed, thumping my chest with his little fists. I fell back against the wall. Christ, I remembered now. I’d broken my ribs. He did this to me when I jumped forward in time, too. He came to the hospital and pummeled me. “Stop it!” I yelled. “How can you do this?” he shrieked, not letting up his vicious little assault. “It’s my sister’s wedding day!” “I didn’t do it on purpose.” I smacked his hand away and his nasty little right got me good and hard on the chin. 26

Blue Moon “You selfish asshole.” “What’s going on?” A shadow at our door. “Mickey,” I gasped. “What the fuck?” His face was full of concern as I slumped to the floor. Gaby?” I reached up a hand. “Help me.” And then the world turned black.

27

A.J. Llewellyn

Chapter Three

I

opened my eyes. “Where am I?” “Ambulance,” Mickey said, his grim gaze fixed ahead. Oh, my God. Just like the future. Mickey rode to the hospital with me…then I learned my world was shot to shit. “We’re going to Wilcox Memorial. How could you let that little rat lay a beating on you like this?” “He didn’t.” “I saw him, Gaby. Don’t defend him.” “No, Mickey, he hit me…but he didn’t cause this. I wiped out.” “You never wipe out.” Mickey sighed. “I had him arrested. There’s no shame in being an abused gay spouse, you know, Gaby. There’s only shame in allowing it to continue.” “I’m not—” Shit! I guess I was an abused gay spouse! Ntino unloaded on me a few times and I took it because I 28

Blue Moon didn’t want to hurt him. I was the bigger man and knew I could really do him damage. Fuck! “Mickey, you have to call Pono. I’ve got to talk to Pono. Please.” He stared down at me. “We’re almost there, okay, Gaby? Geez. Of all the days for that little worm to beat you up. You’ve got a big day tomorrow, Gaby. I’m worried about your ear. I hope to fucking God they don’t tell you that you can’t surf.” “I don’t give a fuck about surfing.” “That’s just the pain talking. Look, this’ll be our little secret. You have to surf, Gaby.” “I feel like shit.” His gaze turned sympathetic. “I’m sorry, man. Of course you do.” “You…you had him arrested?” “Yeah. He’ll make bail, but I wouldn’t plan on being welcome to that little wedding party this afternoon. He said a bunch of stuff in Lao that I don’t think was eat, drink and be merry.” He squeezed my hand. “We’re here, buddy.” We arrived at the hospital and the back doors opened. My gurney was wheeled out and I begged Mickey to call Pono. “All right, all right,” he grumbled. “We gotta help George the vet, Mickey!” “What? Man, you’re goofy. You seen your face…your hair?” 29

A.J. Llewellyn Right. My hair. I forgot it turned white in the space-time-continuum thing. They wheeled me into the emergency room and the ambulance guys helped a nurse transfer me to a bed. The pain in my entire body was intense. “I’ve got a whale fungus on my back,” I told the nurse, who stared at me. “A whale fungus?” She glanced at Mickey. “He’s hallucinating. Must be the loss of blood.” She shooed him out and I lay there wondering how long it would take my man to get to the hospital. Another nurse cuffed my arm, I was hooked up to a monitor and felt a needle prick going into my arm. I glanced down. Blood oozed into a tube. In a bed across from me, I heard a nurse talking loudly to an old man. He cried and cried and she badgered him to answer her questions. I wanted to climb off the bed and smack her. For the second time in my life, I found myself being poked and prodded, but the old man kept saying, “It hurts.” “What hurts?” the nurse asked. He moaned. “My heart.” Yeah, me, too, buddy. I felt the pain go through me in cold, sharp bursts. My ear. My eye. My back. My ribs. My eye…my heart. Where is Pono? 30

Blue Moon Two nurses wheeled me in for x-rays and my head was spinning. What was that line from the Ace of Base song? She’s gone tomorrow boy…I was getting a very bad feeling now. Last time Ntino hadn’t come to the hospital, this time it was Pono. A middle-aged doctor approached me and I wondered where Dr. Corliss was. Oh, yeah right, he wouldn’t be here until twelve years in the future. I checked the nametag and was surprised to see Dr. Corliss. “Are you related to Dr. Corliss?” I asked. He shone a flashlight in my eyes. “I’m Dr. Corliss,” he said. “Richard Corliss,” I responded. The doc’s flashlight hovered over my bad eye and I winced. He moved his hand away. “Sorry. You know my son?” “Sure I do. He’s a fantastic doctor. He helped me…he helped me to—”Shit. Twelve years from now. I felt the tears welling in me. This was awful. I was a man trapped once again between time and space. “He’s no doctor. I can’t even get him to study. He wants to surf all day. He wants,” and I could detect strong, bitter undertones now, “to be like you. You’re his hero.” “I’m no hero,” I said. “Shape you’re in, you won’t be tomorrow. I 31

A.J. Llewellyn can’t authorize you to get out of this bed, let alone get on a surfboard.” “He’s going to be a great doctor,” I said. Dr. Corliss looked puzzled. “I’m going to run some tests. Got your x-rays. You’ve got—” “Broken ribs, broken face. Cheekbones. Eye socket. Blah blah. Doc, my back really hurts.” “First things first. Your eye looks like it wants to pop out of your head.” He held up a syringe. “What’s that?” I asked, anxious to stay awake, desperate to talk to Pono. “A sedative.” I gripped his arm. “Listen to me, Richard Corliss is going to be a great man. A great doctor. With a special interest in tropical illnesses.” The needle went into my arm and the whale swam into my consciousness. I was sinking. Fish swam around me. I was aware of the whale. I saw him coming to me. I wasn’t afraid when the shark came. They are my aumakua, my guardians, but the whale’s tail flicked the whale away. I was aware of a moment…just a small ash in the fire of time, when I chose to hug the whale, its song of sadness filling my heart. I want another chance. I want life. I saw it all like a movie, underwater and the whale showed me a dream. Yes, yes, I pleaded. I will make good use of my life. I will not waste my time. The whale shrugged me off, head butting me in the back up to the surface. 32

Blue Moon

I woke up coughing, slumping against the pillows. Now I understood the whale fungus. I had been given a reprieve. I clutched the blankets. I thought I’d made use of my time. I thought I’d done good, but the whale sent me back twelve years for a reason. Give me the reason! “Hey, buddy.” My eyes went back and forth. Mickey. “You doin’ all right?” he said. “Yeah…I think so.” “Guess I owe you an apology. I was driving home and stopped by the beach. I guess you did wipe out.” “You stopped by the beach? What…you didn’t believe me?” I remember that Pono will find my board smashed in two, two days after I vanish. How…weird. “So anyway, one of the guys said he saw your board bouncing in the water and couldn’t grab it. He said he saw you take a hard fall off a fifteenfoot wave. That’s like falling off a tall building, Gab. You’re lucky to be alive.” “Yeah.” Shit, no wonder I ache. “The doctor says they removed the fungus from your back and fixed your eardrum, but no way can you surf tomorrow. Geez, Gaby, I can’t believe you took such a bad fall off your stick.” He paused. “Man, I’m so glad you didn’t test out the new one like I wanted you to…it’s got some flaws 33

A.J. Llewellyn in the design.” I was so busy trying to figure out what I was supposed to come back and change that I didn’t listen to half of what Mickey said and I didn’t see Pono come into the room. “Pono!” I almost flew off the bed. “Hey, Gaby.” His smile was nervous and I was dismayed to see a hot Hawaiian guy with him. “This is my…boyfriend, Meka.” Straight away, I knew Meka hated me…I knew he was threatened and his black, island eyes glittered resentment and anger toward me. Pono tweaked my foot through the hospital blanket. “How you feelin’, slugger?” “I’m okay. How are you, Pono?” “Man, I got your call about the waves and I was on my way down there…it’s so weird. You must have taken a hell of a fall. I got there, but you’d already left.” “I need your help,” I said. “We gotta go, Pono,” Meka said. “We got that thing we gotta do.” That thing. Yeah, right. That thing being getting very far away from Pono’s ex who still has a thing for him. “Pono, we gotta help old George. You know, the vet? His electrical system is shot. I’m scared he’s going to zap himself. I can’t do anything laid up here.” 34

Blue Moon “George.” Pono blew out a breath. “I’d love to help, Gaby, but it’s the big competition tomorrow. He had an anguished look on his face. “God, Gaby…I just realized you won’t be in it. But anyway, I have a lot of guys coming for their boards and it’s a rough time for me. Tell you what, tomorrow afternoon, right after it’s all over, we’ll go take care of it, yeah?” “No! We have to go now.” “You’re not going anywhere.” A shrill voice topped all of ours and a diminutive nurse in a neat uniform and cap, stood by my bed. “Playtime is over,” she said, taking my wrist in two bone-shattering fingers and felt for my pulse. Playtime? I’m fighting for my life here, lady. This ain’t no playtime! Meka kept nudging Pono and as I fought the urge to sob and scream, Pono gave me one of his sweetest smiles. “I’ll come by and visit again,” he said. Even then I knew it was a lie. He was stoked with this new guy. He’d fallen hard and I was toast. Oops. Just like George. Desperate to keep him close to me, I said, “Pono, can you call my mom?” “Sure,” he said. “I already tried,” Mickey said. “No answer.” “I’ll try for you, no huhu,” Pono said. He gave me a friendly wave and just like that, he was gone, leaving me with scattered thoughts, a deep fury 35

A.J. Llewellyn welling within me. What was the point of coming back to the past, when I already knew the future…and could do nothing about it? I felt the vibe of tiny Nurse Ng’s frosty stare on Mickey’s face. He started to feel the chill, too, and took the hint. “Yeah, well, that’s me out, too, Gab. Marcie’s waiting dinner for me. I’ll come by tomorrow.” “Okay, thanks, Mickey.” “No problem, buddy. You just get some rest.” I’ll get some rest when I’m dead. Oops. I died already and I can tell you firsthand there’s not much rest on the other side. Nurse Ng dropped my hand with an aggrieved air. “Think I’ll live?” I asked her. “For at least a few more minutes.” She smoothed down my sheets and I stared around the empty room. I had a small window to my left and I could see dusk coming. All by myself. I watched her check something on a clipboard at the foot of my bed and I’d never felt lonelier or more desolate in my life. I reached for the baci string on my wrist. It was my lifeline, my touchstone. Without it, I was…toast! “My baci,” I screamed. “It’s gone!” “Relax,” she said. “It’s probably with the things you had on when they brought you in here.” “I was wearing my wetsuit.” 36

Blue Moon “Yes, well, you can forget about that. They had to cut it from you.” “I need my baci.” I was ready to beat somebody up to get it. Nurse Ng’s eyes narrowed at me. “Don’t make me sedate you.” “Please, please, it’s important to me,” I said. “You’ve got to understand.” She sighed. “Okay. Give me a minute.” Nurse Ng left the room and the full catastrophe of my circumstances hit me. It was worse than getting slapped around by Ntino. Pono might want me in the future, but he didn’t want me now. I had no money now that I remembered the way I’d fallen off the planet twelve years ago so I couldn’t call an electrician to fix George’s wiring. In fact, I’d left a pile of bills shoved under the sofa and an overdrawn bank account. In death, I’d made Ntino and Mickey very rich men. In life, they had little to gain from knowing me. As far as I could tell, I had two choices. I could wait twelve years and live a miserable existence to get my life with Pono back or I could seize this moment and shoot the curl. I had to go for it. Nurse Ng returned with my baci bracelet now cut in two, and my house keys. She softened when she saw how happy she’d made me. 37

A.J. Llewellyn “You’re lucky I knew what it was,” she said. “The emergency team thought it was rubbish.” “Thank you, thank you.” I couldn’t find the words to tell her they were the most precious things in the world to me. They were the signposts to my destiny. I thanked the nurse who handed me a gigantic pill and stood over me with a tiny cup of water, making sure I swallowed it. Fingers wrapped around my string and my house keys, I closed my eyes. Man, she waited a long time. She finally tiptoed out of the room and I waited a moment longer to spit out the pill. With a great deal of pain and huge amount of determination, I got out of the bed and onto shaky legs. I had to get out of here and get back again. I needed help. One way or another, I was going to surf that contest tomorrow. I was going to surf and I was going to win. And I was going to get my whole life back.

38

Blue Moon

Chapter Four

I

t wasn’t easy slipping out of the hospital room, or down the corridor and down Kuhio Highway. I felt my bare ass getting wind-whipped beneath the scanty, almost-meeting folds of the short hospital gown and wondered if people would think I was an escaped mental patient. I walked along the soft shoulder of Kuhio as darkness deepened fast. With no lights on this section of highway, night came swift and heavy, but I wasn’t afraid. Cars passed me going in both directions. I took a deep breath when I spotted a payphone at the Shell station off Rice Street. I remembered that in the future, my mom would wind up in a nursing home there and I vowed to change that. I picked up the receiver in the glass booth and felt overwhelming relief that the phone worked. I called the one person I knew would help me. Pono’s brother, Lucky Morrison. A woman accepted my collect call. Maile Cantrell, my former 39

A.J. Llewellyn girlfriend and still my best female friend in the whole world. “Gaby, are you okay?” she asked. “I just escaped from the hospital in my nightgown and I need some clothes.” “Geez, Gaby. Where are you?” I told her exactly where I was and she told me to wait. I huddled in the booth, aware of a few strange stares from people pumping gas. I saw the illuminated price board. Two-dollars a gallon. Man, Christmas Eve twelve years later, they were closer to three. They’d gone all the way up to almost four and— Honk! I realized Maile was outside in her orange VW. She was smoking. She looked surprised when I approached her near tears and she let me open her door, hug her hard and since I was barefoot, she acquiesced to stomping out her cigarette. “You look wonderful,” I said. “But please quit. I want you to be healthy and strong.” “God, you sound like Lucky. You know, I can see all your parts and pieces. Are you really naked under there?” “Yep.” “Stellar!” I made a face. “Did you bring me some clothes?” “Yes. Hell’s bells, darlin’, what the heck 40

Blue Moon happened to your hair? And your face!” “Bad wipeout.” She shook her head and reached into the backseat. “I grabbed the first things I could find. They belong to Pono, he left them at our house.” I swear they were the exact same shorts and tank top they would bring me twelve years later. I threw them on, wincing at the scratch of fabric on my back. I balled up the hospital gown and jumped into the passenger seat. Ace of Base was singing again. Man, I was beginning to hate that song. We drove to Hanalei Bay and I kept kissing Maile’s face, making her laugh. She dropped me home and I thanked her. “I’m surfing tomorrow,” I told her. “You sure you should? You look like you get hit by a bus.” “Yeah, but you should see what I did to the bus.” Maile laughed. “Well, okay. You got some balls on you, Gaby.” “You can still see ‘em?” I deadpanned. I fit the key into the front door and Ginger barreled out to meet me. I swooped her in my arms and held her. Now I was getting the reaction I’d expected earlier. I switched on the hall light and saw the whalebone fishhook on the floor. I put Ginger down and picked up the hook, pocketing it. I stepped forward. This was the first 41

A.J. Llewellyn time I’d be visiting my own home in twelve years. I’d forgotten how Spartan, how cheaply we lived. I went from room to room and it felt so…alien to be here. In the kitchen, I fed my best girl and went into the living room. I fished out all the final notices and overdue bills I’d stuffed down the cushions. I retrieved my checkbook. I put them all into a paper bag and took them and the hospital gown out to the car. I would pay them with my contestwinning money. I realized I should have changed, but I didn’t have much time. I hid the paper bag in the trunk and drove over to Ntino’s family house. I didn’t want to be at the wedding party, but I knew I would never change the karma of my relationship with Ntino unless I made the effort. I felt a moment of fear, I admit as I walked up to the front door. Ntino opened it on my second knock. “You okay?” I said. “I’m sorry about Mickey getting you arrested.” He stiffened. “A friend bailed me out.” I nodded. “You okay?” he asked me. “I had surgery.” “So I heard. Thanks for dressing up, Gaby.” Asshole! “I borrowed clothes. I—” “From?” 42

Blue Moon I blinked. Shit! I remembered now. He hated Pono and I was never allowed to see him. His insane, immature jealousy of Pono had been epic. “Maile Cantrell,” I said, avoiding another punch-up. “I just want to wish Aleka and Leono good luck.” He opened his mouth, a protest right on the edge of his bottom lip, but I pushed past him. I walked into the living room and smelled all that good food. His father, clearly a few sheets to the wind, looked up at me and I could tell by the total silence that I was about as welcome here as a snake in a rabbit warren. The only person pleased to see me was Kiana, Ntino’s fifteen-year old sister. “Gaby! You look horrible.” She threw herself into my arms and in spite of the fierce pain, I held her. I vowed to stop her future marriage to the real snake in the hole, Mickey. “Mei-Mei, why don’t you make a small plate for Gaby,” said Nani, Ntino’s mother. I was riveted by Mei-Mei, because she was the woman Ntino married and had babies with after I vanished. She was very young, very beautiful, but I was surprised Nani liked her since Mei-Mei seemed resistant to feeding me. “It’s okay,” I said. “I’m not hungry.” “You must eat,” Nani said. “It’s bad luck for the bride if you don’t,” Ntino 43

A.J. Llewellyn hissed and I followed Mei-Mei into the kitchen. I’d never met her and since I’d disappeared on the wedding day—the first time it happened—or was this the only time?—I wondered how they’d all reacted when they knew I’d disappeared and possibly drowned. Had they acted as if it was a mere inconvenience? Had I even been a consideration? It was a horrible moment when Mei-Mei ungraciously slapped some food on a plate and pressed it into my hands. I wondered how long she’d known Ntino and exactly how long Nani had been conspiring to get Ninto away from me. I searched for a fork and remembered that Ntino’s Laotian family ate with their fingers. Mei-Mei smirked until I thanked her. I scooped up sticky rice and laap, marinated ground beef that I knew was traditional and sacred wedding food. The green papaya salad that came with almost every dish was tasty and crisp. I ate, standing, as other family members milled around me. I felt Mei-Mei’s frank, intense stare and wondered what she’d been told about me. Ntino didn’t come near me. I saw him peek into the kitchen and leave as soon as I caught his gaze. I poured myself some water and felt a nudge at my elbow. I turned to find Father Kim, our family priest. A devout, wonderful Buddhist, he was the kindest man I knew. I almost threw myself into his warm embrace. 44

Blue Moon “I heard you wiped out today. I heard you had surgery. And yet, here you are.” “Yes,” I said. “I’m here.” “You look…real awful, Gaby.” “Thanks,” I said and grinned at him. “You look…I don’t know. Different. Older somehow.” Heck, you don’t know the half of it. “You feeling okay?” “No, not really. But I wanted to be here.” “You should be resting. You look very pale…your hair. Gaby…what happened to you?” “You want to know what happened to me, Father Kim?” He nodded. I felt he wanted to know, but I wondered if he’d think I was nuts. “I died today, Father Kim. I actually drowned.” He didn’t blink, didn’t flip out and he didn’t call the goon squad. He looked at me and for a long moment, I realized he was absorbing my words. “I—do you remember it?” he asked. “Do you remember what happened?” “Yes.” All the emotion rushed to the surface and I wanted to spill it all out, but the family wanted to start chanting, to end the day’s festivities. “Tomorrow, we talk,” he said. “Tomorrow we talk and thank the universe for your safe return.” 45

A.J. Llewellyn I joined the others in the living room and held my baci, instead of my usual prayer beads. I chanted Nam Myoho Renge Kyo with my whole life, investing sincere dedication into my goal of changing my destiny and changing not only my own karma but that of all the people around me, because of me. At the final gong, we all applauded the wonderful chanting session. Nani looked at me in some surprise. “You really chanted today, Gaby. You really worked with the Gohonzon.” I smiled at her. “Thank you,” I said. I finally understood the rhythm of the chanting. It was a flow. The flow of a river. I felt the whale nudging me. I felt change was about to begin. The newlyweds stood and there was an awkward moment when it was obvious they were keen to start their married life together, but Aleka, afraid of displeasing her father, didn’t want to run out the door. “Come on you two,” I said, taking charge in a way I never would have dared twelve years ago. “It’s your wedding night. Ntino and I booked you the best room at the Ali’i Resort. I expect you to use it.” Kiana giggled and even her dad, still tipsy, clapped his hands together once more. “Bah! You start a happy life together!” 46

Blue Moon Aleka and Leono grabbed their pre-packed overnight bags and we all followed them outside. Nobody could find the confetti, so we waved as they drove off in Leon’s backfiring Honda. “I think you were supposed to buy the confetti,” Ntino said to me. I shrugged. His huffiness would normally have me marching back to my house alone. But I put my arm around Kiana. “Think there’s any dessert left?” I asked her. She nodded eagerly. “There’s some coconut custard cake.” “My favorite,” I said. It was amazing how details came back to me in small waves. Some were pleasant, some not so much. I remembered now that Ntino and I had paid for two nights at the Ali’i for his sister and her new husband, but our budget hadn’t stretched to resort extras like a fruit basket, champagne and flowers. My mom, who was not invited to the wedding, had lent me the money and I’d bought these things myself, taking them to the resort, which rented out condos overlooking the sea from the mountains. My mom. With a twinge of regret, I realized I still hadn’t spoken to her since I came out of the water. Kiana and I went to the kitchen to hunt for sweets and were rewarded with tasty scraps. Nani seemed surprised that I made an effort to help clean up. Kiana washed a bunch of dishes and I 47

A.J. Llewellyn dried them, handing them to an infuriated MeiMei who kept putting them in the wrong cupboards. I was causing a lot of friction between her and Nani. “You go home now,” Nani said, pressing a foilwrapped package in my hands. “Sticky rice, Gaby. I know you like.” Ntino said nothing when I left. He didn’t walk me to the door. I thanked both his parents. His dad mumbled something. He was drinking beer and looked ready for a coma. I figured he was home and he was entitled to let it all hang out for once in his life. I was one of the last to leave, but Mei-Mei outstayed me. She was welcome to the family. I was bone tired when I left. I felt like shit, but wanted badly to be with my dog. I went home and she whined when I let her out. We took a long walk out the back door and along the curve of bay that was ours. My ribs, my bones, my soul ached. I pondered my next move. I was walking back toward the house when I saw lights coming on inside. I wondered if Ntino would be ready for battle, or for love. “You embarrassed me,” he said, which seemed to be his regular chorus where I was concerned. “How dare you show up like that?” “I drowned today, Ntino.” “Oh, don’t be so dramatic.” “It’s true. And I survived. Somehow, I came out 48

Blue Moon of the ocean. I don’t want to fight with you. I walked out of the hospital to be with you…to be with your family. I feel like shit, Ntino. And I don’t want to fight.” “You should have stayed drowned!” he shrieked and the words fell like a sodden woolen coat over us. “Thanks,” I said. “Nice to know where I stand.” “What’s the matter with you? Have you nothing to say?” “No,” I said, walking into the kitchen. I wondered if we had Aspirin or anything to take the edge off the horrendous pain. Ginger followed me, an excited wiggle to her tail. I handed her a Milkbone and she scuttled under the table to eat it. I found some tablets and swallowed four with a handful of water from the tap. “You’re such an ass,” Ntino said. “How long you known Mei-Mei?” I asked, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. “You…you…don’t you dare even say her name!” “Mei-Mei.” He flew at me and I caught his little fists easily. Ten seconds later, we were kissing. I had him up on the kitchen counter and his legs flew around my waist. We tore at each other like hungry lions. I thought for one brief moment about Pono, my true love. I belonged to him, body and soul, but I 49

A.J. Llewellyn had to finish this thing with Ntino in a good way. Man, but it grilled my cheese that I still wanted the little bastard so badly. Ntino ripped at the borrowed shorts, wanting my cock. He moaned. “It’s so huge, Gaby.” “You want it, you little shit?” “I want it, I want it.” He pawed at my back and I almost screamed from the pain. I lifted him up, stripped down his long pants, throwing them to the floor. The neighbors could probably see everything, but I didn’t care. It was always like this with Ntino. We were a real fuck and fight team. I moved down to suckle at his cock and balls and he threw his legs in the air, shaking as my tongue touched his ass hole. “Go, go, eat me, baby. Oh…fuck…oh yeah.” He slumped against the backsplash, his head hitting the bottom of a cabinet and he gripped my arms. “Fucking give me the dick. Now.” I stood straight, held his hips in my hands and he grabbed my ass. I stuck my cock into him hard and he screamed his pleasure. I felt we exchanged some vital cells in that one encounter. I was not only a part of his history, my blood was engraved with his. He came in my insistent hand, the way he always did, anxious for release, for communion…then, escape. I came inside him and 50

Blue Moon we exchanged a sweet kiss. “Ntino, I know it’s over.” He started to cry. “I don’t want it to be, but…but it has to be. My parents say they will disown me.” Ntino slumped against me, still caught up in the emotion of our wild, erotic ride. “I don’t want to leave you, but I…I can’t live like this. My parents judge me. My father hates me.” “It’s okay. I understand.” He stopped crying, staring at me. “I thought you’d go crazy…I wanted to tell you for so long…I thought you’d hate me. I love you…I want you…but I want a normal life.” “It’s okay,” I said again. “They’re pushing me to move out. We’re behind in our bills…yeah, don’t think I don’t know where you’ve been hiding them.” I shrugged. “I’ve been very irresponsible,” I said. “And for that I’m truly sorry.” A long tear streaked down his face. “You’re so…different, Gaby. I…don’t know if I understand…or if I like you.” “But you say you love me?” I shook my head. “You don’t love me. You want me. You love the drama we have, but you need to be happy Ntino and one way or another, I will always displease you.” 51

A.J. Llewellyn A flash of a sly smile. “Not always.” “Almost always.” I swallowed a couple more pills and stuck my head under the running tap. “And the problem is, the only time I make you happy is in the sack. You only believe I love you when I’m fucking you and I can’t always be inside you.” He looked disgusted. Ntino loved our sex life as much as I did. I wondered how he’d get through his life not getting dick and decided this was no longer my problem. “Ntino, I want this finished in beauty. I want no hard feelings, no recriminations, no regrets. That’s how I’ve always lived my life. “I want you to walk out of here still being my friend. I want you to leave with whatever you want in this house. The only things you can’t have are my dog or my car.” He looked shocked. “You’re letting me take whatever I want?” He looked down at Ginger who stared at both of us, wondering what was going on. “Your car is a piece of shit and your dog…she gets on my nerves,” he said. “Wow, I never knew that,” I said. I genuinely didn’t and I began to wonder now if he had ever loved Ginger and if he’d really looked after her when I vanished. “No…I love her, Gaby, but she’s your dog.” I wished him a happy life, he told me to fuck myself, which was par for the course with him and 52

Blue Moon Ginger and I went to the bedroom. She got up on the bed with me and curled up against my back. I was dimly aware of noise and movement and voices, but I slept. At last when all was quiet, I felt Ginger’s nose on my back. She licked around the whale fungus. Shit, I still hadn’t called my mom.

53

A.J. Llewellyn

Chapter Five

I

woke up to an empty house. Ntino must have galvanized quite a crew because he took me at my word and as I slept, took almost everything, even the goddamn phone. So much for finishing things in beauty. I was pleased I’d hidden my checkbook and the bills and slept with my car keys in my hand. I took a long, hot shower and found a few pair of shorts in my bureau. Damn. He’d even taken my wetsuits. I grabbed a pair of shorts, threw on a tank and I was good to go. Ginger stayed close on my heel and we hit the kitchen. In the fridge, I took out the sticky rice Nani had given me the previous evening, swallowing it in two bites. That little runt Ntino had even taken the kettle so I couldn’t make coffee. I gave Ginger the last Milkbone in the box and went to grab a surfboard from the hall closet. I was incensed to find Ntino had taken them all. In spite of his promise, I didn’t 54

Blue Moon trust him not to take my dog and she expected to go where I went anyway so I whistled for her. She trotted after me, but I noticed she was limping. Ntino had outdone his house-cleaning sweep. Nothing in the medicine cabinet. My toothbrush was there, but he’d taken the toothpaste. I shut the front door on my ransacked house and wondered if Ntino would come back. I slipped on the flipflops he’d so thoughtfully left me out front and carried Ginger to the car. She lay beside me and I felt relief that Ace of Base wasn’t singing at me as we pulled onto the open highway. I then did what any self-respecting loser would do in my circumstances. I went home to mom. My mom’s house on Pi’ioka Street was only a couple of hundred yards away from Hanalei Bay, but its quiet, sedate leafiness was a world away from the hippie surf culture I’d embraced on the other end of the Bay. She was home, I was relieved to see, standing in front of her yard. She was talking to a monkey pod tree and for a second, I thought she’d lost her mind. I realized in the next second that she was talking to Tiki, her deranged cockatoo who was always getting out of the house and staging noisy mutinies in her garden. I felt my eyes misting over. I’d forgotten how beautiful and serene she was, twelve years younger. I fought the rising anger over what 55

A.J. Llewellyn Mickey did to her and what my own disappearance caused her. So much grief. Ginger loved her grandma and in spite of her sore paw, barreled out of the open passenger window and up the driveway. “Come on, Tiki, there’s a good boy,” my mom said, just as Ginger charged toward her. Ginger barked frantically, the tree shook and Tiki’s wings flapped. My mom snapped at me. “Get hold of Ginger!” I rushed out of the car and caught Ginger’s collar as my mom caught her bird. She ran into the house with him and Ginger struggled for release, ditching me and her collar. Following her into the house, I felt nostalgia and pain for the past wash over me. With Tiki caged, my mom’s good cheer restored itself and she trotted into the kitchen with Ginger. “What’s the matter with her front paw?” she called out. “She stepped on a fishhook. You got any Neosporin, Mom?” “Of course I do, Gaby. Go check the bathroom.” I couldn’t move. Technically speaking, I’d been to my mom’s house a few days before my wipeout. In actuality, I hadn’t been here for twelve years and I almost kissed the hardwood koa floors. It was just as I remembered it. My eyes…my soul drank in the house that had 56

Blue Moon barely changed a lick since the fifties. It had belonged to my grandma, a woman with an infamous past. She’d been one of two hundred Honolulu prostitutes during World War II who’d serviced the US military men on layover to and from the battlefront. These women led harsh lives that remain a shameful, furtive chapter in Hawaiian and American history. Housed in second-story rooms in Chinatown’s Hotel Street, the police regulated their fees—three dollars a trick—and their time with each guy, three minutes. They lived by Ten Commandments laid down by the chief of police and these rules, which seem inconceivable now, were the law of the prostitution business. The women, almost all of them white, were not allowed to drive, own a car, own a bank account, ride a streetcar or bicycle and were not allowed to be seen with a man on the street. They weren’t allowed to frequent classy restaurants or clubs, were not allowed to live outside of the four-block radius allocated to their trade. They were not allowed to swim at Waikiki Beach. And they were not allowed to marry servicemen. My grandma broke every single one of those rules, except the last. At the end of the war, which effectively ended the stranglehold on prostitution, she slipped away 57

A.J. Llewellyn the day the police came to round up the women and ship them back to the mainland. She had regular clients who were very loyal to her and one of them, a local restaurant owner became infatuated with the idea of keeping her for himself. She went along with his plan initially, staying in one of his beachside homes, enjoying his secret visits. Meanwhile, she covertly invested her hard-earned cash in real estate. She had her eye on a big prize, but never told a soul. Instead, she bought a house in the hills above Honolulu, told the neighbors she was a prostitute and waited. It didn’t take them long. She was pleased when they raised funds within a week and gave her almost double what she’d paid for the house, just to get her out of the neighborhood. To her shock, she found she was pregnant with my mom and one day disappeared. My mom often tells me what her early years were like. She sometimes felt that even though they were in Kauai, far from the island of Oahu, that she, too, was a prisoner of Hotel Street. My grandma was strict and acted as if there was still a wartime curfew. My mom wasn’t allowed to ride a bicycle and never had friends home. My grandma meanwhile, bought what was now prime real estate, when nobody else even thought of living in Hanalei Bay. She bought the 58

Blue Moon best furniture and clothing, but lung cancer claimed her just before my mom turned eighteen. She told me she got pregnant so that she would have me and not be alone. She loved my dad I think, but he’d died a long time ago and there was no trace of him in the house. There was plenty to remind me of grandma, whom I remember as smelling of lilacs. She had a throaty laugh and always wore ruby-red lipstick. I remember climbing into her bed in the mornings for cups of hot chocolate and tales of pirates and sailors and always noticed she’d smeared the pillows with her lipstick. In hindsight, being a non-stop hooker for seven or eight years—according to my mom, the women serviced forty-thousand servicemen a year— meant she always had to wear full makeup. Grandma was a fun lady. She laughed a lot, but I wondered if she found much to laugh about when the government controlled her body. “Gaby. Honestly.” My mom sounded exasperated when she came into the living room, trampling my thoughts. I turned to her, tears in my eyes and she seemed to really look at me for the first time since I walked in the door. “Gaby…your face! Oh, oh, my God. What did you do to your hair?” I swept her into my arms and held her. It felt so 59

A.J. Llewellyn good to get twelve years back with her. I loved my mom so much. “I love you, Mom.” She hugged me back, then pushed herself away from me. “What happened to you?” “I had a bad wipeout.” “Already? I didn’t think the competition started for another hour or so.” “It doesn’t. I wiped out yesterday.” “Oh, Gaby.” Her fingers flew to my face. She’d already gone and gotten the Neosporin and some bandages, judging by the way Ginger was attacking her bandaged front paw with her tongue. “Come into the kitchen.” The kitchen. It always reminded me of Leave it to Beaver and my mom was absolutely in my heart, a kind of tropical June Cleaver. She didn’t wear twin suits and pearls, but my mom had her hair and nails done once a week. She wore long, slim column dresses over pencil-slim pants in the Asian style and moved like a dancer. She also baked constantly. When the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, my grandma and all the other prostitutes from Hotel Street got off their backs, marched to the local hospitals and worked side by side with the nurses. They took care of wounded 60

Blue Moon people in an act of generosity the city never forgot. They even gave my grandma an official certificate my mom keeps with all her precious things, including one of grandma’s lipstick-smeared pillowcases. I wished, just wished for one tiny moment I could have gone way back in time and seen my grandma again. Her nursing work is one of my favorite stories about her because my mom is just like her. Heart as big as the ocean. And also, I know that’s how my grandma met my grandfather. She tended his injuries and he fell hard for her. My mom fussed over me as I opened the oven door. I was relieved to see a still-warm pie on a cookie sheet. “Don’t you eat at home?” “No, Mom. You might as well know, Ntino moved out last night. He took everything. Even the phone.” She removed the pie from me, brushing my fingers away from the hole in the center. She cut a generous portion and slid it onto a plate, handing me a fork. I sat at the kitchen table. “What happened?” She poured me coffee and I gulped at it. I was in bad pain, but feeling better by the second. Mom dabbed antiseptic cream on my face. 61

A.J. Llewellyn “I don’t know why I’m doing this. You’re about to jump in the ocean. So go on and tell me what your little princess is upset about now.” That made me laugh. Mom was never crazy about Ntino. She loved Pono and had never quite forgiven either of us for breaking up. “He’s getting married to a woman.” “Oh, you mean Mei-Mei?” I gawped at her. “You know about Mei-Mei?” “His family brought her out from Laos. This is a small town, Gaby. I hear everything.” She paused. “That’s a disaster waiting to happen. He’s going to hurt that girl.” “Maybe not. Maybe it’ll work out.” “He’ll be miserable and he’ll make her very unhappy, but I can’t say I’m sorry you’re not together anymore. He doesn’t…cherish you. Not the way he should. He’s out of your hair now. I mean, look at you. The stress has turned it white, or is this a fashion statement?” I laughed, grabbing and holding her. Mom encircled my head with her hands. “Gaby, what happened to your back?” Her hand strayed under the shoulder of my tank top and she groaned. “What did you do?” “I had surgery yesterday. A whale fungus.” “Now I’ve heard everything. Let me look at it.” “Mom, I’m fine, I—” 62

Blue Moon “I’ll be the judge of that.” I lifted the tank over my head and she peeled back the dressing. “You can’t swim today, Gaby. Oh…my God…what happened to your chest?” I looked down and realized for the first time that I had severe bruising from my broken ribs. Geez…can I lie down on a surfboard? I need the sponsorship money. Of course I can! My mom went off and I contemplated a second piece of pie. I bit into an apple, savoring the taste. Mom grew them in her garden. She returned with a bunch of creams and lotions, fresh dressing and bandages. “You know you’re going to hurt like hell as soon as you lie down to paddle out, right?” “I need the money.” She sighed. “Gaby—” “No, I owe you so much. The money from the TV commercial’s all gone. All the stuff I’ve worked on with Mickey’s taking time to pay out.” “Hmph. If it ever pays out I’ll fall over in shock. He’s using you, Gaby.” I realized she was right. When I thought back to the future, he’d robbed me blind. This was honestly the first moment that I realized Mickey must have been doing it long before I disappeared. The thought filled me with horror. Today, I would change all that. 63

A.J. Llewellyn “Mom, can Ginger and I stay with you for a few days?” “Of course you can. Let me get you keys.” She finished wrapping me up like a mummy, washed her hands and brought the keys to me, dangling from a surfboard key ring. That’s when I remembered I didn’t have a stick. Mom handed me a bottle of Tylenol. “Take four now. Take them every four hours. I’m worried about your lungs. One bad move and you could really hurt yourself, Gaby.” “I’ll be careful.” She shook her head. “I have no idea how you do what you do. But I’ve seen you surf with broken arms and pneumonia. I’m proud of you, son. I really am. You go out there and win.” In a rare burst of emotion, she buried her face on my chest. I wanted to make her really proud. I vowed today that I would. We had a soppy moment and she stepped back from me. “I have a class in real estate. They say that condos are going to be the rage. I’m not sure I approve, but I want to know everything.” “Mom, I had no idea you were interested in that.” “Sure I am. I worry about our little piece of paradise, Gaby. It’s like a bright, shiny apple just waiting for developers to pluck.” 64

Blue Moon “You’re not wrong there.” Man, when I thought about how our bay looked twelve years from now, I was determined to do something about it. “When is your next meeting? I want to come with you.” She beamed at me. “There’s another one tomorrow. Today’s class is over in an hour. I’ll come and watch you win.” She kissed my bad eye. “Good luck, or should I say break a leg?” “I think I broke enough for one day. Good luck will do fine.” “You don’t need it,” she said, applying a sheer gloss on her lips without even checking in a mirror. “You’ll win. I know you will.” I swallowed four pills with some tap water, kissed my mom and my dog and went off to change my destiny. First stop, a visit to Three Trees beach and to my beloved Pono. Pono’s family owned a groovy surf shop and surfing school that saw a lot of business yearround, thanks to good word of mouth and great weather almost all year long. It hadn’t changed much over the years, and wouldn’t. I knew that for a fact. Pono supported himself ably, in spite of his inclination to give free lessons to anyone he deemed needy. The winter months brought the pros angling for good boards for those big storm waves and the summer tended to attract families 65

A.J. Llewellyn looking for starter boards. I parked on the highway shoulder and ran to the store. I heard Pono’s deep, sexy laugh and just the sound of his voice almost made me come in my shorts. I hadn’t expected a completely packed store when I arrived. A lot of guys were coming and going. I got a lot of slaps on the back and good luck wishes. Now I was starting to feel nervous. The first time I’d been getting ready for my world championship competition—and hopefully my fourth title—it had been my obsession. Now I didn’t care. I wanted the prize because I wanted the money that went with it. “Gaby!” Pono looked pleased to see me, which er…did nothing to lessen the load in my crotch. He came over and kissed my cheek. Fuck! I loved this man. “We need to talk,” I said. “Babe, I’m kinda busy. What are you doing out of the hospital?” “Fighting for my fourth world championship, remember?” “You’re not serious.” “My board is gone. I lost it when I wiped out yesterday. I need to borrow something. Anything. I don’t care how lousy it is. And do you have a wet suit I can borrow?” He stared at me as if I’d broken out in ancient Swahili and he was deciphering the words. 66

Blue Moon “Geez…Gaby, I don’t have anything decent left. I’ve got a bunch of skunks. You know, for teaching.” “Skunks are cool. I’d like a skunk.” He shook his head. “I can’t let you do it.” He snapped his fingers. “Lucky. We’ll call him, see what he’s got. Where are your sticks?” “Ntino stole them.” His face took on an odd expression. “He stole them?” “We broke up last night and I told him he could take anything he wanted except the dog and the car.” “And he actually left them?” “Miracles do happen. Now what’s wrong with this pintail?” I ran my hand up the rail. It looked pretty good to me. He winced. “Can’t let you take it, babe.” “Why? It’s a nice—” I knew, just knew it belonged to his frickin’, frackin’ boyfriend. I sighed. “Okay, call Lucky.” Lucky wasn’t home. My lucky day. I tested out a big hunk of a board that if it didn’t get me some decent waves could certainly be used as a lethal weapon. If I couldn’t dazzle them with my foot maneuvers, I could beat ‘em all to death with it. “What about this one?” “You must be suffering extensive brain damage,” he said. 67

A.J. Llewellyn “That’s not very nice.” “It’s a shitty board, Gaby.” “If you don’t want to help me, you only have to say.” People milled around and I could tell Pono was super-stressed. But I didn’t care. In case I drowned again, he needed to know I loved him. “We belong together,” I said, as he rang up some guy’s foam-green boogie board. His hand paused for a split-second and crashed down between two keys and he rang up the wrong numbers on his old cash register. I liked having that effect on him. “I love you,” I said, in the tiny interval between one customer and another. “You picked a lousy stinking time to tell me.” Man, he was pissed. “I tried telling you yesterday. You ran out on me. I got out of my hospital bed to come down and tell you.” “You’re too late. You had your chance.” “What—” “No,” he said. “I’m with Meka. That’s all there is to it.” “I drowned yesterday,” I screamed. The whole store stood still. Pono’s face paled. “I truly did. I died yesterday. Look at me, Pono. I came back for you.” 68

Blue Moon He stared at me and I thought he’d cave in. I thought he’d take me and hold me and plead his undying love, too. Instead, he took hold of somebody’s windbreaker and punched in keys for a sale. People started making noise again and I wondered how long it would take for this little discussion to find its way around the coconut wireless. “So what really happened to your board?” he asked, keeping his voice low. “I told you. I wiped out and I couldn’t find it. You—” Wait. He will end up finding it tomorrow, washed up on the sand from Kauapea, or as we all call it, Secret Beach. “Gaby, I’m sorry, but I really don’t have a decent board for you.” “Let me take the big skunk,” I said. “Please.” He sighed. “Okay.” I suspected his sudden attitude had a lot to do with Meka who must have come into the store during our exchange. “You got a wetsuit I can borrow?” I asked. “There’s one in the restroom. It’s still wet. I wore it this morning.” “Thanks, you’re a peach.” “A bruised peach,” he muttered. Yeah, that made two of us. I went and got the wetsuit, a full-length job with long sleeves. It was 69

A.J. Llewellyn bigger than me, bigger than my monster board even, but I was a beggar and couldn’t really be choosy. I was aware of Meka’s cold stare on my return to the counter. Something in me, either perverse or courageous, or maybe both, made me grab a piece of notepaper from the pad beside me and I wrote: You will find my board, broken in two, floating off a break a couple miles north of Kauapea. We need to talk. I LOVE YOU! I folded the paper and handed it to him. “Do me a favor.” “Another one?” There was a hint of a smile this time. “Yeah. Tomorrow night, and not before, I want you to read this note. And I want you to remember this conversation.” He snatched it from my fingers. “All right already. Go surf. Geez you’re like Chatty fucking Cathy today.” “I’ll do that.” With butterflies in my stomach and Meka’s death ray stare on my back, I went out to go conquer some waves.

70

Blue Moon

Chapter Six

H

analei Bay’s top end was buzzing with locals and tourists. I grabbed the board from the trunk of my car where it had been poking out and padded down to the sand in my borrowed wet suit. The pain in my body wasn’t so bad…except in my ear. First sign of saltwater going in there, I knew it would be intense. My gaze swept over the beach. Hundreds and hundreds of people. I spotted Mickey talking up a storm and his wife Marcie waved to me. I almost bawled on the spot. I hadn’t seen her for twelve years. I remembered she caught Mickey in bed with Ntino’s sister, Kiana, and left him. Somehow, I’d stop that illicit little union from taking place. I ran to her, poked my stick in the sand and hugged her. Marcie was a lovely woman and I’d befriended her on the surfing circuit before Mickey muscled in on our connection and offered to change my fortune. Yeah, right. “What the hell is this?” he asked, fingering my 71

A.J. Llewellyn borrowed board. “A surfboard.” “Jesus, Gaby, you can’t be serious.” “Do I look like I’m doing stand-up?” A puzzled look came over his face. “You are serious. Look, I brought the new board but…I…I figured…” he flushed crimson, “you weren’t that interested in riding it yesterday and Kelly Slater really wants to take it out. “ I looked at Mickey square in the face. “He’s interested in riding it without ever having tried it? In a world championship?” Mickey’s nice red face deepened a shade or ten. “Well…he’s ridden it some.” “Oh, I see.” Up until yesterday, Mickey had told me the board was still in design mode. At the hospital, he told me it had some design flaws. It hit me like a dead, wet fish in the face. Mickey never intended to let me ride the board. He wanted Kelly Slater, a sexier, hotter, more internationally known surfer to ride it. Kelly Slater would go on to be a huge star and Mickey would be connected with him, but still making money off my name marketing Loe Boards. “But what about the design flaws, Mickey?” His eyes almost busted out of his head. He glanced to his right and I saw his complete panic. “Only a small thing, Gaby. Nothing to worry about.” 72

Blue Moon “Only a small flaw? What kind?” I was enjoying his discomfort. Kelly Slater and a bunch of guys laughing and talking. Like all good pros, Kelly had a couple of boards with him. Unlike most waterlogged surfers, however, he also had good ears. He’d heard me. His head swiveled in our direction, but I pretended not to notice. “Mickey,” I said, “you told me the new board has design flaws. We can’t let Kelly ride that thing. There’s too much at stake.” Marcie looked at Mickey. “It has flaws? Why didn’t you tell me?” Kelly made a move toward us, but he was first up in the surf heat and I watched him from the corner of my eye as the contest crew urged him to the shoreline. He removed the ankle holster attaching him to Mickey’s board and took another one beside it. I thought Mickey would have a heart attack on the spot. He tried so hard to look like he didn’t give a shit as I chatted with the two crew guys checking off entrants’ names on their list. I felt a hand at my elbow. My whole body stopped registering anxiety at the nearness of him. “Pono!” His smile was so fucking gorgeous I wished we could find a room. 73

A.J. Llewellyn “Look what I got.” I gazed up at his beautiful board, a nine-foot wonder he cherished like a child. “This is your stick. Your best, most favorite—” “Go out there and make us proud.” “Oh, Pono.” “And this afternoon, we go see Ntino and get your stuff back. Good luck, babe, have a mad, great ride.” He stepped away and I took hold of the board he’d brought me. Meka glared at me in the distance, but I didn’t give a shit. I took a deep breath. It was wicked beautiful. Pono loved this board, which looked like a piece of candy cane. I took another breath, bent down and felt my ribs protesting as I harnessed my ankle to it. I walked over to take part in the first heat. A couple of great days of swell had wrapped around the bay and the huge waves gave Rob Machado a nice smooth ride on the perfect set. He gave me the shaka sign as he came out to loud applause and my feet tingled in the cold winter water. I walked out, lay my board out and prayed I wouldn’t make an ass of myself. I barely had time to get myself ready before the wave came and I heard people screaming. I turned, got myself in position and realized this was one tough wall of water. I got to my feet, feeling the headhigh wave coming for me. I focused on the seesaw 74

Blue Moon rhythm of the fierce wind, crouching low and shooting right through a curl. I heard the ocean roar as I moved through it and just to show off a little, I did a vertical backhand across the crumbling waves. I came in, my fists held high. I knew I’d surfed a good set and was thrilled to move on to the next round. I had a long wait and did what I always did. I cruised the beach for decent eats and spotted Lucky and Maile barbecuing. “The wind cuts a swathe out there, I noticed,” Lucky said by way of a greeting. He handed me a hamburger and I watched Lucky and Meka canoodling on an upturned canoe. I thought I would die. “Yeah,” I said, feeling like shit. The burger was good, but I had a hard time swallowing the lovefest to my right. “You okay?” Maile asked me. “Yeah.” Pono came over. “Hey, I missed your first set, sorry, but I’m real proud of you.” He clapped my back, grabbed a beer out of the cooler on the sand and went back to Meka. Maile nudged me. “He saw you. He’s just gotta keep up a front with his whiny boyfriend over there.” “I love you,” I said. “Now you tell me,” she joked. 75

A.J. Llewellyn A long time ago, she and I had been an item until she fell for Lucky and I realized I was gay and fell for Pono. Yes, he hadn’t been ready for commitment…but he seemed plenty ready for it now with Meka. I thanked them all for the food and their good wishes and tramped back to the action. The wind had gotten rougher with some choppy action out on the swell. I saw a couple of guys take falls and one guy came out crying. Losing sucked, for sure. My mom found me as I was about to head out for my second ride in the quarterfinal. “How’s your ear?” she asked me. “Fine.” I spoke too soon. I got a blast of saltwater as soon as I paddled out. I could feel it hit my eardrum and I almost fell off the board from the pain. I made it out, but was so wobbly on my feet, I was surprised I survived the set. I was in such pain it hurt behind my eyes and my balance was way off. “You okay?” my mom asked. “No. Did I lose?” “I don’t think so, you’re one of the few who didn’t fall. Gaby, your ear is bleeding.” She pressed a towel against it and I almost cried out from the agony of the slight amount of pressure. One of the organizers approached me. 76

Blue Moon “You okay, man?” “He had surgery yesterday,” my mom said. “Surgery?” “On his ear. Broken eardrum. He’s in really bad pain.” “No, I’m not. I’m fine.” My mom took the towel away and it was covered in blood. “Holy shit,” the guy said. Pono came over to me. “Don’t do this, Gaby. Please don’t go back out.” “I have to go out. You don’t become world champion sitting on the sand.” “You’re gonna get hurt worse than you already are.” “I couldn’t hurt worse,” I said. “My life sucks without you in it.” “Let’s not do this,” he said. “Not now.” He walked away and I stared out at the water. The waves were huge and I knew I was in bad shape. Physically, I was in peak condition, or had been before my wipeout. I needed this contest. I needed the win. I went back out and was amazed I took a really great wave, riding high and fast. The bumpy wave face and the wind in the semi-final worked in my favor, but I struggled with myself. Every damned bone in me ached. Getting up on my feet made me scream. I fought to stay at the top of my board, to make it look easy. It was 77

A.J. Llewellyn fucking hard, but I cruised to victory, surprising everybody, including myself. How I made it was bizarre, considering I was weaving around offbalance like a drunken sailor. My mom gave me more Tylenol, which I downed with some bottled water. It hurt to sit, so I paced, focusing on breathing. By now, it was all over the beach that I was injured and people came over to wish me even better luck. The feeling of glory was short-lived. It was all over when I hit the wave hard in the final, the ripple of agony shooting from my head down my spine. I wiped out and wished in that second I’d taken up golf as a sport instead. I came back in, my mom, Lucky and Maile waiting for me. Mickey was over by the newly minted champion, Kelly Slater, and I was a dead duck. “Tilt your head to the side,” my mom advised. “I’m taking you to the hospital.” Maile took possession of the two boards Pono had lent me. Water did pour out of my ear and I limped, wondering what the hell I’d done to my leg. I’d lost. Failed! How the hell am I gonna get money to finance my freedom? I wished in that moment that I’d memorized Kentucky Derby horse race winners from the past when I jumped to the future. For the life of me I 78

Blue Moon couldn’t remember any sure wins that I could even bet money on. I was doomed. Pono came over to me and slipped his arm underneath me. “You’re an idiot. You know that?” He helped me to my mom’s car. “Shit, Gaby, you’re really hurt.” “I know,” my mom said. “Put his head on the window, will you? I want his ear to drain.” Pono got into the backseat and tilted my head to the right. We went back to Wilcox Memorial and Nurse Ng marched up to me. “Couldn’t stay away from me, huh?” “No. My secret is out.” She actually laughed. “Did you know he escaped?” she asked my mom and Pono who didn’t seem surprised. I was given shots for this, a lecture for that, an x-ray for something else. “Don’t suppose there’s any point in asking you to stay for observation overnight?” the doctor asked me. “No.” He shrugged. “I’m giving you some pain meds and a prescription for penicillin. You’ve really screwed up your ear. No water in it for a week. Understood?” “Yeah. What about the pain?” “Wear a beanie pulled over low. Wool really 79

A.J. Llewellyn helps. I want the ear to drain so no cotton in it.” Outside in the waiting room, Pono was talking to a guy in an Aloha shirt. He and my mom looked all excited. The guy looked familiar, but I couldn’t place him. “Gaby, great news,” Pono said. “Go ahead, Jack, tell him.” The man stuck his hand out. “Gaby, my name is Jack Kalpona.” “Wait, are you John’s dad?” Twelve years from now his son would be a great attorney. He helped me when I jumped to the future. John had been so wonderful and kind and honest. He grinned. “You know Johnny?” I nodded. “Wow, he never mentioned that. He’s a big fan. Lookit, I’m so impressed by what you did out there today. I work for Bunyip Boy and it’s people like you we want to sponsor.” “But I lost.” “No, you didn’t, Gaby. You showed the kids out there what a real champion does. You came in second. Nothing to be ashamed of.” He handed me his business card. “We’d like to talk to you about starting your own line of surfboards and clothing. I can’t believe you don’t have corporate sponsorship.” Neither do I. Mickey said nobody was interested. 80

Blue Moon And I believed him! “I would love that,” I said, wondering if I’d wiped out again and was dreaming all of this. “Loe Boards. Loe Clothing.” “Yes, yes,” I said, remembering that Mickey had created the company name and I’d had to fight to get a dime from him. I hadn’t in the end. In the end, I just got my name back and the right to use it. “Is this for real?” I asked. “Oh, it’s real,” he assured me. “I just need to know what you need from me.” We sat down right there in the hospital, the four of us and the two people I loved most in the world helped me do the one thing I’d always had trouble with. I asked for help. My mom drove me back to her house and I felt as if I’d dreamed the whole thing. I had corporate sponsorship that would mean a monthly deposit in my bank account. “Don’t tell Mickey anything,” my mom said. “Register the name as soon as possible. Would you like me to help you with that?” I sat up a little straighter. “Oh, Mom, that would be great.” At her house, Lucky and Maile were waiting for us. Maile had driven my Woody over there and she wore my hospital gown I’d forgotten was 81

A.J. Llewellyn bunched up on the passenger seat. “Do I look sexy?” “Very,” I said and hugged her. “How did you drive it here?” “You left your keys and wallet in the glove compartment,” she said. I retrieved these from her and my shorts from the front seat. I dug in the pocket for the fishhook and the baci bracelet and heaved a sigh of relief. My mom was so thrilled to have my friends here that she insisted we go inside for a meal. Maile and Lucky begged off, saying she wanted to go back and watch the women surfing. I thanked her again and she and Lucky took off in their car. “I’ll stay awhile,” Pono said. “My car’s at the beach. I can walk back later.” It so delighted me that he was staying that I grabbed his hand. My mom opened the door and her bird flew out, but there was no sign of Ginger. “Where is she?” I asked my mom. “I took her to the vet. Her paw was really bothering her. He was giving her some intravenous fluids and—” “Mom, tell me you’re not serious. You took my baby and left her there?” “She’s a dog, Gaby. That’s where you take dogs.” She checked her watch. “She should be ready to come home soon. Gaby, what’s wrong?” I was near hysterics when Pono followed me. 82

Blue Moon At my car, my hands shook and he took the keys from me. “You’re in no condition to drive,” he said. “Come on, I’ll take you there.” “Hurry.” I can’t tell you how hard I begged and pleaded with God not to take my best friend from me. I promised body parts and several vital organs. I think my mania caught up with Pono, because he became alarmed. “You really think the place is gonna burn down? Where the hell did you get an idea like that?” “He flipped on a light switch yesterday, Pono, and there were sparks. You’re not going to believe me now, but I died and went twelve years into the future.” “Oh, geez…” “Listen to me. I can tell you future events that are gonna happen. Maile’s going to get breast cancer.” “That’s a horrible thing to say,” he shouted at me. “She’ll survive. She and Lucky will have two children and you and I will be together forever. Oh my God…Pono…” We’d arrived at the veterinary clinic and we saw wisps of smoke emerging from the building. “Run!” I screamed, but the fire caught fast. 83

A.J. Llewellyn Pono kicked in the door. He grabbed old George who moaned. “The animals!” I ran into the back room and God help me, there were too many to rescue. As long as I live, I will never forget the sound of those babies crying and yelping for help. They knew they were going to die. “Ginger,” I screamed and she immediately began to yelp for me. I saw her bandaged paw. She had a catheter port in her arm and she couldn’t move. I grabbed the first two cages carrying screaming kittens and puppies and passed Pono running back to the room. Between us, we got out six cages and I quickly opened Ginger’s cage. I ripped out the needle and blood spurted, but she was safe. I ran outside with her, left her with George and made it back to the room. I grabbed two more cages, one containing an owl that wasn’t happy. Back outside, I felt the heat mushrooming behind me. “Where’s Pono?” I screamed. “He went back in. He followed you,” George said. He sat on the ground, breathing heavily. I couldn’t believe it. Pono came out, a huge cage dragging behind him. A gigantic German Shepherd lay on the bottom of it. George was on the ground, coughing and 84

Blue Moon spluttering when the fire engines finally arrived. “Where’s Ginger?” I yelled at him. Two seconds later, the entire building was up in flames. Taking my beautiful golden girl with it.

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Chapter Seven

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y first thought was shocking. They lied to me. They told me Ginger died of a broken heart long after I vanished. They didn’t tell me she died in a fire! I was so mad at Pono for going along with the lie Mickey told me in the hospital that I couldn’t even look at him. “I’m sorry,” Pono kept saying. “I didn’t see her go back inside.” It wasn’t his fault. How could I explain that I wasn’t mad about what he’d done now…but what he would do…twelve years from now? Today, he’d been heroic in more ways than one. My heart broke in so many ways I couldn’t even think. My poor little girl. At least I got to come back and hold her again. It wasn’t enough, but then again, a whole lifetime with Ginger would never be long enough. It was the one thing God got wrong. He didn’t allow our animal companions long enough lives. Old George wasn’t doing too well. He received 86

Blue Moon oxygen as soon as the fire brigade arrived. They took him to the hospital, but he died an hour later. Now I was totally devastated. What was the point in knowing the future, trying like hell to prevent a bad thing from happening, but not being able to do anything about it? Pono kept hugging me. We drove to Wilcox Memorial in silence, his hand reaching over for mine. “You want music?” he asked, the only thing he said. I shook my head. I just wanted Ginger back. George’s daughter was very kind to us. She was a real Hawaiian lady, full of light and love, her dark hair pinned back with combs holding fresh yellow hibiscus flowers, the state flower. She hugged and thanked us for trying to help her father. All together, Pono and I had rescued seventeen cat and dogs. Twelve had perished and George’s daughter said she didn’t think her dad could have lived knowing so many animals had died. “He was a grumpy old coot, but he loved anything with wings or fur. I think in his heart, he thought he was a dog.” She wiped her eyes. “He always said he specifically remembered a lifetime as a dog. He said he could still feel the collar chafing his skin and fur.” She and I both grieved, but losing a dad…wow, 87

A.J. Llewellyn it reminded me of my own loss many years ago, when my dad died of a heart attack. I’d become attached to Mickey True and now…I was alone. The fire made the news and I wished they’d all go away. I tried not to feel resentful of the people who got to pick up their animals from the police station over on Kuhio Highway. Pono and I took the owl home because my mom was great with winged creatures. The owl had apparently been abused by some kids and had a broken wing. Wait until I told mom he liked to eat live mice. My mom greeted us, her eyes red-rimmed. “I’m so sorry about Ginger,” she said. “I feel terrible. This is all my fault.” “No, you tried to help her.” I did my best to make my mom feel better, but I was feeling so crummy myself it took all my reserves of energy not to act like an ungrateful jerk. She didn’t seem to mind about the mice until it registered that they were supposed to be alive. “Not in this house, Gabriel,” she said. She never used my full name. She thumbed through the phone book and found an exotic pets specialty store on Kuhio, a few miles away in Princeville and drove off with the owl, saying she wanted an expert opinion on his care and feeding. Outside, Tiki the cockatoo was so threatened by the owl, he came right into the house and let himself into his cage. 88

Blue Moon “You okay?” Pono asked me when we were alone. “Of course. I’m with you.” His mouth twitched, but he didn’t respond. “You want some coffee?” I asked. I really wanted to take a long, hot shower, but was afraid he’d leave if I took too long. I wanted nothing to break the spell of being alone with him. “What happened to you yesterday?” he asked, touching my hair and face with his big, gentle hands. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” He shrugged. “I’m listening.” I tried to assemble my thoughts. “You…you knew there was gonna be a fire…did you…” he waved his hands around, like he was hunting for the right words. “Did you become psychic or something?” “Yeah…or something.” I tried not to be upset when I saw Ginger’s water dish on the floor in the kitchen. I still couldn’t believe I was never going to see her again. Getting coffee ready was easy. Explaining my lost—and found—twelve years was a whole ‘nother story. “Pono…I need to take a shower.” He opened his mouth, but I shut him off. “I’m still wearing my wetsuit.” 89

A.J. Llewellyn “Yeah, I can see that.” “I need a shower badly and then we’ll talk. Will you stay in the house and wait for me?” He looked at me for a long moment and then nodded. I went to the linen closet, took out a towel and went to the bathroom. I had trouble unzipping the suit and called for Pono. “Is this a cheap attempt to let me see you naked?” “No. I don’t think anything about me will be…titillating right now.” “I’ll be the judge of that.” He helped me get the sleeves down, his eyes registering shock at the sight of all my bruises and bumps. He took the wetsuit down past my feet. He took off the bandages, examining me, but didn’t say anything. When we were lovers, I didn’t mind peeing or doing number two in front of him. Now I would do neither. On top of my physical appearance, it would be even more unattractive. “For God’s sake, Gaby, everybody poops,” he said, but I pushed him out the door. I felt like I hadn’t peed…or done anything vital in weeks. On a certain level it had been twelve years, so I brushed my teeth, washed my face, took a shower and was stepping out of the tub when the door opened and Pono walked in. 90

Blue Moon “You look like you got hit by a bus.” “Everybody keeps saying that.” He picked up the Neosporin, dotted it in random places and wrapped fresh bandages on me. “I…” He stopped speaking. “Pono…” “Think she’ll be long?” he asked me. I shook my head, mute with desire for him. He sighed. “Fuck, Gaby. I sometimes wish we’d never had such incredible sex. It’s not the same with…anybody else.” My cock was getting hard, not easy to hide, being naked. He grunted when I casually moved and the now-leaking head grazed his thigh. I took him by the hand and led him to my bedroom. In the past, we’d stolen private time there. In fact, Pono was the first man to ever fuck me and he popped my cherry on my bed. I still got hard thinking about it. My engorged cock swelled a little more watching him strip. I lay on the bed as he closed and locked my door. He moved over to me, his own magnificent cock reaching out to me. I stuck out my tongue and he sighed as I gave him a little mouth-to-cock resuscitation. “Oh…fuck you’re good,” he whispered and lay down beside me. 91

A.J. Llewellyn His big hand moved to my belly, rubbing it clockwise. It sent my body into a tailspin, the kind I’ve only ever experienced out on the ocean…and in the hands of this man. Pono kissed me deeply, his fingers tweaking my nipples and moving back to my belly. He never once touched my cock. I knew it was going to be a torturous, wondrous experience with him again. It had been so long and I wanted him to take possession of me again. He knew it, too. “Turn over, baby, I don’t want to hurt you.” He licked his fingers and as I lay on my side, he rubbed against my ass hole. He reached around to cock, squeezing off some pre-come. He smiled when he felt how wet I was. I stared up at him and he gazed down at me. I wanted him to spit in my mouth. It turned me on when he did it. I opened up and he spat, readying my ass for his big, huge dick. He only touched my hips lightly, his hand moving back to my belly. Our physical closeness almost made me wept. I longed for him and he didn’t make me wait. His first assault on my ass was gentle. He kept up a brisk pace on my belly as his cock begged for entry. He moved in faster, harder, his need for control of me as urgent as mine to give it up to him. Pono’s breath came in short, sharp bursts as his cock clawed deeper and deeper into me. He gave a 92

Blue Moon shout, pulling back and thrusting in all the way again and kept up a burning tempo inside me. It felt like forever since I’d had him in me…I stopped trying to count days, years…time. I wanted the moment to last, but as soon as the back of his hand touched my cock and he found my prostate, crashing down inside me, I came so hard I saw black dots in front of my eyes. Only when I came did he touch my cock. “Come for me, baby. Give it to me. All of it.” I bucked against him and felt his prick swell and shake in me. I felt his molten explosion and I gripped him harder with my ass muscles. Pono kept up his aggressive ramming, his cock still feeling huge in me as his thrusts finally eased down. “Hot damn,” he muttered. We both lay there, spent. It felt so wonderful having him in me and I guess it felt good to him, too, because he held my chin in his big paw and kept kissing and sucking my mouth. His cock fell out of me and he threw his leg over mine. “So you’re gonna tell me now?” I sighed. I didn’t want to spoil our beautiful moment and this would. It would make or break everything. “Not in bed,” I said, stepping out and slipping on my board shorts. He threw on his own clothes and followed me to the kitchen. Sitting opposite him in my mom’s 93

A.J. Llewellyn house in the very same chairs where I’d told him the truth about my family history, I trusted that my future would be regarded with the same accepting love as my future. I told him everything. I started from the beginning, how I came out of the ocean. My twelve lost years. His coming to the hospital. I left out nothing. I told him how we had a baci ceremony and how I went into the ocean to rescue Bane, and all about Halia. I showed him the cut baci bracelet and his eyes filled with tears. “Gaby, I believe that you…” his voice faltered and I knew. He thought I was a weirdo. “I believe that you really believe this things, but I don’t know anyone called Halia or a Bane.” “She’s pregnant now. She’s in a really bad marriage…but…Pono, we won’t meet them for twelve years so of course you don’t know her now.” “And you say that you know of tons of world events coming up?” “Yes.” I wanted to add that he had a piece of paper predicting that he’d find my surfboard the following day. I tried to think about what the following year, 1998 would bring. “President Clinton…he’s going to admit having an affair with Monica Lewinsky.” Pono shrugged. “People already believe it.” 94

Blue Moon “But he’s denying it, babe. He’s going to be impeached.” He looked stunned. “Really?” “Yes. Oh wait…what else do I remember? When I jumped forward, I tried to memorize things…Kurt Cobain, from the group Nirvana, is gonna commit suicide. They’ll find the Unabomber. He’s—” “They already found him, Gaby.” “He’s gonna plead guilty.” I racked my brains. What else? “Oh, you know? Mike Tyson’s gonna bite off Evander Holyfield’s ear in a fight next year!” “Really? A real fight? An actual boxing match?” “Yeah.” “Who wins?” “I think they disqualify Tyson. Evander’s ear grows back though.” “This is nuts, Gaby. I don’t…I don’t know what to say.” I plunged on. “They’re gonna create the euro dollar for most European countries next year. The movie Titanic is going to open and be the most successful movie ever.” Pono kept staring at me and I kept rambling. “In 1999, two kids are gonna go on a rampage and kill a bunch of their fellow students at a school called Columbine.” I paused. “I wish there was a way to stop all these things.” 95

A.J. Llewellyn Pono’s face paled. “And you…knew…that George was gonna die?” I nodded. “I intervened and I still couldn’t help him.” “Yeah, but, Gab, we saved all those animals.” “Right and in the future you and Ntino and Mickey will all lie to me and tell me Ginger died several months after I disappeared. None of you mention the fire.” “Maybe we were trying to be nice. Anyway, I can’t apologize for something I haven’t done yet.” He shifted in his chair. “You don’t get back with Ntino at all?” “No. We hate each other.” “No sex? Gaby, he’s obsessed with you.” I shrugged. “Appearances are deceiving.” “What am I…you know, what am I doing twelve years from now?” I smiled. “Running your surf business.” “Still?” He looked disappointed. He snapped his fingers. “What about the Millennium? Anything go phooey?” “Nope.” “That doesn’t surprise me. All the hype is crazy.” Pono put his face in his hands and his eyes looked watery when he took them away again. “It’s too much,” he said. “I’m sorry, Gaby. I…still have feelings for Meka and I…I gotta go.” And he took off running, not walking, running 96

Blue Moon away from me and away from the life we were meant to share together. I wondered if I’d made a grave mistake and altered our own future, the one that had been so precious and wonderful. I prayed not, even as I could still taste him on my lips. My mom was patient and loving with me that night. She was a little too happy about her bag of frozen mice and poor Tiki hid in the corner of his cage as the owl hooted, hissed and spat at him, devouring a mouse my mom put in his cage. I’d never been this close to an owl and had no idea they were so grumpy. “I have to cover him,” she said, draping the cage with a sheet and only then did Tiki perk up a little. Over dinner, I pondered the wisdom of telling Pono everything and in spite of his fast exit, I felt I’d done the right thing. He was the only lover I’d ever had who knew everything about me. My mom, who knew nothing of my lost years, was in a great mood and asked if I’d watch a movie with her. The night had cooled, as it did this time of year in the islands and we huddled under blankets on the sofa and watched, with what I thought was supreme irony, It’s A Wonderful Life.

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Chapter Eight

M

orning came and the house felt chilly. I swore I could smell my grandma’s lilac perfume in my room and fancied she’d popped down from heaven to get a look at me. When I was a kid, she used to sing a Hawaiian lullaby to me, Pu Pu Hinu Hinu and the melody is seared in my soul. I realized I was not imagining things, it was playing on the clock radio by my bed. I turned up the volume, wondering whose gentle voice was serenading me. I sang along with her, battling a big wave of nostalgia. My grandma called me her Pu Pu Hinu, her shiny, happy shell. No wonder I was destined for a life entwined with the sea. I got out of bed, threw on my shorts and smelled coffee and bacon. In the bathroom, I did my thing and swallowed a couple of Tylenol with some tap water. My ear felt full. I suspected I had a full-blown ear infection. I’d have to get that prescription filled. 98

Blue Moon “Good morning, sweetie,” my mom trilled as I walked into the kitchen. “Breakfast is ready. Your new promoter, Jack Kalpona called. He’s coming by with a check at nine.” “Really?” That was good news. I chugged down two cups of my mom’s superb Kona coffee, crunched on toast and bacon and hunted for a decent sweater in my bedroom closet. I was running a toothbrush across my pegs when the doorbell rang. Jack Kalpona hugged my mom and I detected a frisson of attraction there. I felt a stab of fear, my protectiveness of her on red alert. I sure knew they didn’t wind up together in the future, but I realized now it was because I disappeared and he never got a chance to meet her. Mom fussed, ushering us toward the kitchen. I heard the owl spitting and hissing in his stillcovered cage, Tiki peering, apparently petrified from the bars of his cage as we passed him. In the kitchen, Jack opened his briefcase, my mom brewed fresh coffee and watched as Jack pushed a bunch of papers at me. I should have looked at the papers with better focus, but I was too dazzled by the lovely check he held in his hands. It was a sign-up bonus of fiftythousand dollars. I have always sort of been a sucker for shiny, sparkly things and I grinned like a happy idiot. Fifty thou. Just for signing. This on 99

A.J. Llewellyn top of a monthly stipend, plus extras like royalties from endorsements, TV commercials, foreign print and TV ads…first-class plane travel, all sorts of things. Wow, what the heck is Kelly Slater getting? He must be making a fortune! My mom rushed over to us. “Gaby, don’t you dare sign a thing.” My mom, the prostitute’s daughter, read every last line of the small print, suggesting changes here and there, questioning such things as annuities and health insurance. She was so impressive in her knowledge, I was stoked. Jack Kalpona kept grinning, until she went off to her den to fax everything to her attorney, even my check. As soon as she was gone, Jack leaned in to me. “Is she…single?” I nodded. “She’s gorgeous, Gaby. I…I would love to take her out some evening. Would you mind?” “I don’t mind, but what about your wife?” “She died, I am sorry to say.” “I am sorry for your loss.” He seemed to be waiting for a response. “You have my blessing on it.” “There’s something about her,” he said, his face softening when my mom returned. “I think we can do business,” she said. “How 100

Blue Moon do you take your coffee?” “Black, two sugars, please.” I sat there, staring at my check, looking at all the points on the contract that my mom had highlighted. There was a lot to think about, stuff I’d never have thought of, but I knew now that in the event of something happening to me, I’d have insurance and I planned to make my mom the recipient of my life insurance policy she’d just built into the contract. My mom seemed oblivious to Jack’s puppy dog gaze and with reluctance, I handed back the check when he got up to leave. “Oh, no,” he said. “We have a deal. I trust you, Gaby. I am happy to accept your word. And your handshake.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Bring your lawyer to my office tomorrow and we’ll sign everything.” “Splendid,” my mom said and walked him to the door. I stared at the check, the answer to so many fervent prayers. I felt the chill cold pull of the ocean and heard the whale’s song in my soul. My mom returned, an odd look on her face. “That man just asked me out to dinner!” I smiled at her. “That’s great.” “No, it’s not. It’s weird.” “You didn’t say no, did you?” 101

A.J. Llewellyn “No…but I said we all had to go. You’re going to chaperon me. Only please wear something other than shorts and flip-flops.” “Okay,” I said. Already, I felt like I’d changed the direction of things. I liked seeing the color of excitement in my mom’s cheeks. “Gaby.” She sat down beside me. “Have you decided what you’re going to do with your money? I mean, you won’t need to worry about work, you won’t need to worry about day-to-day living.” “Well, I do right now. I’ve got a ton of bills to pay.” She sighed. “They’re in my car, with my check book.” “Go get them,” she said. We sat together over our third pot of coffee for the day and she suggested I move in with her and rent out my house to get income from that. I balked at that idea, but I did like the idea of buying another property to maintain some control over the Hanalei Bay real estate development. “We’ll find a nice bungalow,” she said. “We should also think about CDs, since you can leave those alone and earn some good interest. We should talk about other investments, too. Gaby, this is so exciting!” She gasped at all the final notices in my 102

Blue Moon possession, but organized everything in envelopes as I wrote out the checks and she stamped and sealed the envelopes. We drove to the bank together after I found some tennis shoes in my closet. The bank manager was as shocked as I was when he saw the check in my hand. He talked with us about all my options and after a phone call to Jack’s office, verified my check and deposited it into my account, giving me instant access to it. He even gave me a teddy bear when we left his office. Outside, my mom hugged me. “Gaby, I don’t want to seem like a clingy, lolo woman—” I laughed. “You’re not crazy, mom.” “But I know I came close to losing you the other day. Gaby, I’ll just say this once. You’re the best son a mother could ever have and you…you have no idea. If you died, it would kill me. They’d have to bury me, too.” When I thought about how she turned out twelve years from now, nothing like the smart, vibrant woman I knew now, I had plenty of firsthand knowledge, but I couldn’t tell her that. Instead, I vowed to make good use of my time. I would follow all my dreams and…I would try again to win the love of my life back.

103

A.J. Llewellyn I let myself into my house. It felt strange being back, especially without my baby. I came with groceries, loving the feel of a full bag of food. I liked being with my mom, but I had to come home sometime. I’d agreed to stay the night with her and wanted just to get my place organized so it wouldn’t look like a hobo’s hot spot when I was ready to move back again. I felt ripped anew when I saw Ginger’s dishes on the floor. I couldn’t bear to remove them or toss them. I saw her collection of leashes on the hook by the kitchen door and couldn’t remove those either. What I was going to do was change my locks, so Ntino couldn’t come back whenever he felt like it. I took out the new lock in the grocery bag and had finished changing the front lock when I saw Meka walking up the path with Pono. “Wow,” I said. “This is a surprise.” “You changing the locks?” Pono asked. “That’s probably a good idea. Hey, Gab, I got your boards from Ntino.” “How did you do that?” This was weird…in the future, I would learn that Pono got my boards away from Ntino. “I’ll tell you,” Meka said. Pono groaned. “Oh, babe, you promised.” “Fuck that.” Meka jerked his thumb toward me. “He should know.” “I should know what?” 104

Blue Moon “He called Pono and wanted money for them or he was going to destroy them.” “You paid for them?” Pono gave me a look, a furious gaze. He would never have told me himself. “Yeah.” “Then, I’ll reimburse you. Come on in, I’ll write you a check.” “The thing is,” Pono said, “I was wondering…since my family business made them, I’d kinda like to keep them in the store. You know, as a promotional thing.” I laughed. “That’s okay, but I guess I’ll be needing a new stick. I don’t happen to have one right now.” I remembered in that moment that Pono should find my broken one sometime today. “Well, we’ll make you one,” Pono offered. “Listen, I’m getting endorsement money. I want to create my own line of boards. How about you come into the business with me? I’ll make you a partner and we’ll split everything fifty-fifty—” “Yes,” said Pono. “No,” said Meka. Pono looked miserable. The two men left soon after that and I finished the back door lock, shut the doors on my little house and went off to buy some clothes. My mom met me at Liberty House in the Kukui Grove Shopping Center. I felt ridiculously 105

A.J. Llewellyn emotional entering the store because I’d taken this wonderful Hawaiian department store for granted my entire life. I knew it would disappear from the island chain in a few years, replaced by Macys. They were having a sale on men’s wear and my mom went berserk with my money, buying shirts, pants, new shorts, shocks, underpants and shoes. She agreed to new tennis shoes, but muttered, “No fucking flip-flops.” We went to a hair salon next where they gave me a great haircut. They wanted to dye my hair, but I refused. I did, I had to admit, look a hell of a lot better with a haircut and new threads. Mom and I stopped for lunch at a teriyaki chicken grill place and she kept beaming at me in my new Aloha shirt and button-fly Levis. “You’re so handsome,” she kept saying. We went home and I looked through all my new purchases. In the late afternoon, we went to meet the attorney, had another meeting at the bank, which said they could organize all kinds of investments for me, including direct deposit of my monthly stipend and them mom and I went to one of her meetings of locals, furious about planned redevelopment of Hanalei Bay. I was the only one there who knew exactly what would happen and I stood up. “This is important to me. I’m happy to lend my name to the cause.” 106

Blue Moon My mom was totally shocked, but delighted. We had to spread the word now. We had to keep Hanalei as pristine and gorgeous as it was. That night, Mom and I barbecued fish and vegetables, talking long into the night about my future. She agreed I should create my own board and surf clothing line, but felt I shouldn’t include Mickey. I felt like I was on borrowed time. Somehow, I had to set him on the correct path, stop him from cheating on his wife and marrying Ntino’s little sister. “Who was the guy who created the board for Mickey?” my mom asked. I remembered it was a guy called Hank Kalima, an old-time surfer who worked out of his house on Anini Beach. “Well, let’s go talk to him tomorrow,” she said. I was stunned by her simple, yet brilliant suggestion. We fell into our beds round two in the morning, but I couldn’t sleep. I felt the whale circling me, hovering, I felt protected, but nudged forward. A strange sensation, indeed. Around six, I got up, but she was already in the kitchen, making coffee and toast. “I had the strangest dream about you,” she said. “I saw you in the water, swimming with a whale.” The phone rang and I grabbed it. It was Pono 107

A.J. Llewellyn and he was sobbing. “I found your surfboard last night,” he said. “Fuck, Gaby. Then I read your note. Either we’re both crazy or what you told me is true.” “It’s true,” I said and it seemed to send him into fresh spirals of anguish. “You came back from the dead…for me?” “Yes.” “Fuck,” he said again and hung up on me.

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Blue Moon

Chapter Nine

I

went to chant at the Buddhist temple governed by Father Kim. He was overjoyed to see me and chanted with me. A lot of people showed up for the early session and the simple act of prayer buoyed and stilled me. I felt the whale relax and leave me alone. “You seem so intense this morning,” Father Kim said to me. “You’ve had a tough few days. I am so sorry about Ginger. I know how much you love your dog.” “Thank you, Father.” “I don’t want to seem…callous, but you should adopt another dog. So many need homes…you have a lot of love to give, Gaby.” “Father Kim, I’m not ready, but one day…one day I will.” He nodded. “I am also very sorry about Ntino.” “Thanks.” “I was surprised to see you here this morning,” he confessed. “I thought once you two were 109

A.J. Llewellyn finished that maybe you’d forget all about us.” “No way,” I said. “My introduction to Buddhism is the best gift Ntino ever gave me.” Father Kim smiled. “I’m glad you feel that way.” “Can I ask you a question?” “Fire away.” “I’m concerned about Kiana. I’m afraid with her sister, Aleka, married, that she won’t have a buffer with her family, especially now that I’m no longer in the picture.” He stared at me. “You surprise me. “I hadn’t expected this.” He fingered the prayer beads in his hands. I plunged ahead. “I don’t want her to marry the first guy who comes her way, like Aleka did.” He frowned. “You think she’ll be unhappy with Leono?” “I don’t know. I hope not. My point is this. I feel great things are possible for Kiana. I have no idea what her hopes and dreams are…she wants to surf and she’s very good but—” Father Kim finally smiled. “I can tell you what those dreams are. She wants to be a vet.” “Then we need to help her.” He balked. “We? How did I get involved in this?” “Leng listens to you. He’s marrying Ntino off to Mei-Mei—” 110

Blue Moon “You know about that?” “Yes. And with Ntino out of the house, too…Kiana doesn’t stand a chance. I bet she falls in with the first guy who comes her way and it won’t necessarily be a Laotian man.” When I thought of Mickey seducing Kiana, it grilled my cheese. “So what is it that you want me to do, exactly?” “Well…” I heard a car pull up and my mom’s sandals clicking on the walkway outside and it all came to me. I knew exactly what we needed to do. “Mom,” I said, “how would you like to have Kiana stay with you so she can go to school, get ready for college? She wants to be a vet.” She gawped at me. “Kiana? You think her dad would let her?” “You’re serious,” Father Kim said. “Very serious. I think if the two of you approached Leng and presented the idea and sweetened the deal with the offer of full payment for her education, which I would be responsible for…I think he’d go for it.” My mom bounced on her toes. “A young lady in the house. I love it! Of course, Gaby, you’d have to move back home.” “Of course.” “I don’t know.” Father Kim shook his head. “I can’t see him going for it.” “What if you tell him I’m willing to finance his 111

A.J. Llewellyn landscaping business?” Father Kim looked astonished. “But he doesn’t have a landscaping business.” “Exactly. It’s been his dream…his passion. Instead, he’s held on to a job he hates and ruled his family like a little despot because he’s so unhappy. I’m willing to help him, but I need you both to do it.” “I’m…I’m so proud of you.” My mom hugged me and Father Kim even looked excited. “This is a wonderful idea. You’re a good man, Gaby. I’m really impressed that you are willing to overlook Leng’s…interference in your life to extend help to Kiana.” “I love that little girl,” I said. “She’s the little sister I never had.” We agreed that Mom and Father Kim would visit Leng later in the day and Mom and I drove out to meet Hank Kalima. He hadn’t been enthusiastic about the idea when I called before I went to chant, but when we pulled up outside his dilapidated beach shack, I suspected this was part of the reason. Following his instructions to walk down the side of the house to the back, I thought at first that he’d skipped out on me. Though there were tons of boards and a lot of machinery everywhere, there was silence. Oddly, the radio was playing and it was that damned Ace of Base song again. 112

Blue Moon “Hey, Gaby,” a voice said from a pile of debris by the garbage bin. I looked, squinting in the sunlight and saw Hank sitting in a picnic chair, a beer in hand. “Nice of you to show up. I really didn’t think you would after all the times you bailed on me before.” “What are you talking about?” “Come on, Gaby. Mickey’s made so many appointments and each time it’s just him.” “I knew nothing about it. I swear.” Hank finished off his brew and threw the bottle in the trash. “What’s going on?” said a female voice and I guessed this was Mrs. Kalima. My mom suggested the women leave us men to talk, but I was furious now. I hated my name being bandied about and leaving a guy like this, a talented surf man feeling pissed with me. Mrs. Kalima suggested we all go inside and she made coffee, slicing up some fresh pineapple. It all came tumbling out, how Mickey had fleeced him. He’d never even paid hank for the board Kelly Slater never rode in the contest. I told Hank I wanted to market my own boards and that he would be dealing with me directly. “Why should I trust you?” he asked. “I’m here, aren’t I?” His wife seemed willing to trust me and my 113

A.J. Llewellyn mom assured them that we knew nothing of Mickey’s dealings. “I don’t want to make anything fancy. I want good, old-fashioned long boards. Clean lines, great designs. The same kind you rode when you were champion.” Hank came to my side of the fence then. “But the fashion is short boards.” “We’re bringing back long boards, Hank. You and me. We’ll be fifty-fifty and you can sell some boards and I’d like to sell some out of Pono’s surf shop.” “Are you kidding me?” Hank said. “You really want to do this?” “I’m not kidding you.” It didn’t take much persuasion to talk the Kalimas into coming to the meeting with Jack. He had a group of people with him when we all walked into his Princeville office, but my posse was a lot more…colorful. Jack became excited at the idea of providing free surfboards for At Risk Youth for summer training camps that his company would sponsor and I would teach. He loved the idea of special camps for blind and physically challenged kids and there were lots of good vibes in that boardroom by the time we all left. It was time for me to confront Mickey and whilst I collected my Woody and took home my 114

Blue Moon shopping bags, Mom went to meet Father Kim for their visit with Leng. I took a long shower and emerged, grabbing my towel, astonished when there was a knock at the back door. I wrapped the towel around my waist and opened the door to an enraged Marcie. “You ungrateful little shit,” she said. “Hi, Marcie.” “You went and made a deal with Bunyip Boy, but you don’t include Mickey? He’s been like a dad to you.” “Yeah, a lying, cheating, abusive dad. He used me, Marcie.” She opened her mouth and I let her have it. “He lied to Hank Kalima.” “Who’s Hank Kalima?” “The guy who made that board your husband’s so proud of.” “Oh, but—” “No buts, Marcie. He’s lied over and over again to me. Using my name to get the board made, but making Hank think I flaked on meetings. He lied to me saying the board was bad so I wouldn’t ride it…all the time wanting Kelly to ride it.” “That’s because you’re a loser, Gaby.” I stood still for a moment. “You…you really hate me. Wow…I never had any idea.” She seemed shocked by her own outburst. “No…no, I don’t hate you, but I knew you 115

A.J. Llewellyn wouldn’t pull it off. I knew you’d make up some stupid story when you lost and the wipeout was so convenient, wasn’t it? We’ve been listening to Ntino’s stories for months about how bad your finances are and—” “Get out,” I said. “No.” She held onto the doorframe and I realized she was a crazy woman. Maybe her marriage to Mickey was already in bad shape. I got her out of the house and locked the door. There was a knock at the front door and realized it couldn’t be her. Now what? “Gaby?” Shit. It was Ntino. I hesitated before opening the door, but braced myself, expecting a fight. I didn’t want him to kick it in when he realized I’d changed the locks. “What do you want, Ntino? You took everything already.” There was no conversation, no kiss, nothing except the migration of his gaze from my bangedup face down my bruised body to my now bulging groin region. He kicked the door shut and pulled at the towel, his eyes gleaming at my cock springing out at him, just begging for attention. He dropped to his knees, running two appreciative hands up my battered but cut chest 116

Blue Moon muscles, fingertips lightly grazing the hard nipples greeting his touch. With a low growl, he sucked the head of my cock into his mouth. I watched, wondering how I could crave this, though I didn’t love him anymore. I loved Pono, but I was such a whore I was letting another man suck my cock. Ntino looked up at me with warm chocolate cake eyes. Using his tongue to push back on my cock head, he tasted the juices at his lips, plunging down the entire shaft. He didn’t stop until he reached the base and I bit my lip to keep from screaming as his orgasm built from the base of my spine. He held on to my hips tight. I knew I should stop him, but it had been so long since he’d sucked my cock this way and it felt like a blissful revenge. I loved the way he suckled on me. It was over soon, too soon, Ntino’s gleaming head staying steady as he took control of my twitching crotch. I gripped the wall with both hands to stop from falling over. When he got to his feet, he wiped his mouth. “You can’t have any money,” I said. He was so stunned, he didn’t…he couldn’t respond. I opened the door. “Thanks for the great head, Ntino. But don’t come back here anymore.” I shut 117

A.J. Llewellyn the door in his face. My mom swung by an hour later and I was surprised to see Kiana with her. “She’s moving in,” my mom said. “Is everything okay?” She glanced at Kiana. “Yes, it is now.” We drove together to the Kukui Grove Shopping Center and for the second time in two days, I found myself at Liberty House. My mom was very lemon-lipped as we walked through the women’s fashions. Kiana stayed close to my mom until we reached the Young Miss department. She ran to touch things and mom plucked at my shirtsleeve. “He was beating her when we arrived. I told him I wouldn’t report him to the police if he let me take her. I made him sign a piece of paper. If he tries to come after her, if he ever hurts her again, he’s going down.” Kiana seemed clingy and uncertain, blossoming like a little tropical bud under my mom’s tenderbut-tough attentions. “You’re still gonna have to give him money for his landscaping,” she said, when Kiana went to try on some things. “I don’t mind.” “Gaby, I mind, I’m not like you. You may find 118

Blue Moon this hard to believe, but I’m a total bitch.” I laughed out loud then, a real belly laugh, the first one I’d had in days. The girls decided on some clothes as we dropped by Mom’s to leave Kiana’s new things there. She changed her mind several times about what to wear to dinner, looking adorable in a new pink pantsuit my mom had persuaded her to try on. We all drove off to meet Jack Kalpona for dinner at Zelo’s Beach House. Zelo’s, a Hanalei tradition, was a big, green, tidy beach house with a wooden bar and wooden support beams across the ceiling and running down to the floor. Big, unadorned windows gave off a wonderful view of the beach town, but isn’t actually on the beach. Mad chatter filled the place with a ton of good energy. It was always packed so I was pleased to see Jack waving to us from a table. Beside him was his son, John, who twelve years in the future would be my savior, both as a friend and attorney. “Hi, John,” I said and he seemed startled. “How did you know my name?” I grinned. “I think your dad mentioned it.” Neither man seemed fazed that we’d brought along an extra mouth to feed and Kiana huddled between me and mom, gazing at the menu. “Can I have chocolate cake for dessert?” she whispered to me. “Yes,” I whispered back. 119

A.J. Llewellyn Dinner was a lot of fun. The adults drank Mai Tais, the best on the island. and we all loved the house special of fish tacos and deep fried artichoke. We slit pasta and fish dishes familystyle and found that I liked Jack as much I had already grown to like his son. My mom had a blast and it was nice to hear her big, throaty laugh so like my grandma’s and I felt a special thrill knowing she might by heading for a better life after all. The girls and I split a chocolate suicide cake and we drove home, my mom looking happier than I’d seen her in a long time. I walked back to my house, feeling desolate without my Ginger. I missed walking with her, missed the incomparable feeling of skin on fur and missed her exuberance at the smallest, tiny moments we shared. I would find dog love again with her granddaughter, Kiki, but for now, there was a gaping hole in my heart and I missed my girl so much. The evening was chilly, but beautiful. A veil of stars dusting the sky told me another beautiful day was in store. I’d achieved a lot that day, but had the strangest sensation of running out of time. At my house, I was surprised to see Pono waiting for me in his car. He got out and my stomach back flipped at the mere sight of him. 120

Blue Moon “Can we talk?” “Sure,” I said. “Wanna come in?” “No. I don’t want to be anywhere there’s a bed. I don’t trust myself.” I grinned. “Do you think you can trust me?” “Dammit, Gaby. We need to talk.” I kicked off my shoes, leaving them at my door. He wasn’t wearing any. Just his nice, tight jeans, Aloha shirt and…oh, man, I loved him. We walked down to the beach in silence. We kept walking along the horseshoe curve of the bay and I wondered what he was going to say. Suddenly, we saw a woman emerging at the far end between two houses. She looked straight ahead and I saw that she was crying. It was Halia. “What is it?” Pono asked me. “That’s Halia. The woman who will become our friend and she has an incredible son—” “Bane. Right. Hard to forget a name like that. We watched her walk to the lapping shore, then move back again. “What’s she holding?” Pono asked. “My God…she’s pregnant. Very pregnant.” Each time she got closer and she seemed to be watching the waves. “She’s going to kill herself,” I said and ran toward her. Halia didn’t run away when she saw us. She 121

A.J. Llewellyn kept glancing at the ocean, then back at us again. I knew she waiting for a big swell and could even visualize her running right out there to meet it. She was holding a rock in her arms, tied to her wrist. “Oh, my God,” Pono said. “What are you doing, Halia?” “How…how do you know my name?” “You can’t kill your baby. You can’t do this.” Tears flew down her face. “He wanted me to get an abortion. They say he’ll have problems, but I love this baby. I love him already. I can’t live without him.” Pono grabbed the rock from her and I took her in my arms. She wept and shivered in my arms as he untied the string. I kept assuring her it was going to be okay. “You picked out a name?” I asked her. “A name? I was trying to kill myself.” “Come on, come home with us,” I said. She hesitated, but finally came home, walking between us, each of us holding a hand. “I wanted to call him Bane,” she said. “Are you angels or something?” “We’re your friends,” I said and I heard the whale calling to me. Pono and I stopped and watched him out in ocean, doing a big dance for us. Halia seemed in a daze and I saw the blood 122

Blue Moon drops then. “I think you’re going into labor,” I said and for third time in as many days, I was on my way to Wilcox Memorial Hospital. Bane was born with Pono and me in the waiting room. The baby was deemed healthy in spite of his early arrival. Oddly, nobody said anything about him being blind. “Maybe they don’t know yet,” Pono said. Halia’s husband arrived and didn’t seem thrilled at the prospect of being a new dad. We dropped in to visit Halia who was tired but ecstatic and Pono and I drove home. “I love you, Gaby,” he said. “I really, really do.” We jumped into bed the second we got home. I had no idea what the future held, at least not what to expect day by day, but with that man naked beside me, nothing seemed impossible. “Fuck me,” I said. “Not with me on top. I’ll break every last rib in your body, Gaby.” He hovered over me and I smiled. “Feed that cock to me. He scooted up, his legs mounted on either side of my body. He slowly fed me his cock and it was an erotic feeling, sucking him this way. Outside the window, the moon actually looked blue. Pono followed my gaze and gasped. 123

A.J. Llewellyn “Look at that. We should make a wish, baby.” I had my mouth full, but I made plenty of wishes, believe me, all of them involving good health and good lives for my family. Then I returned my focus to Pono, licking up every last drop of nectar as he came in my mouth. “That was beautiful, baby.” His voice was husky. He pulled himself out of my mouth and our faces met, fusing in a long, endless kiss that left us both hungry for more. Pono lay beside me, nuzzling at my nipples jutting out at him. He stroked at the tender space of skin between my ass and balls. I loved licking a man’s perineum until he came. I wanted to do it all and fast, before morning came and the world changed again. He flipped me over so my face was riding his cock and he pulled my cock into his mouth. He mirrored everything I did. It was the wildest, most erotic ride when we began licking and sucking each other’s balls, perineum and ass holes. I writhed over his mouth as my need to come grew stronger. “I want you,” Pono growled. Just on the verge of exploding, I felt his tongue flicker up to my belly. He jerked on my cock, my whole body spasming for the insistent tongue now traveling down my belly again back to my ass. I came with my lover’s tongue imbedded in my ass, 124

Blue Moon my watchful eyes on the moon. It was maddening, it was intense. I brought Pono to a grinding orgasm at the same moment. It was the single most thrilling sexual encounter I’d ever experienced. He flipped me over on my back. “Bitch,” you started something here,” he said. “Now, you’re gonna get fucked.”

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A.J. Llewellyn

Chapter Ten

P

ono kissed me and I tasted our mingled juices on his tongue. I felt a weird sensation of water and a long wet hand pulling at me. I screamed at the gut-ripping tug away from the whale, from the ocean. With a gasp, I was out of the water. No, not the ocean. We were in bed and I’d soaked the sheets again with my whale dreams. “You okay, baby?” Pono grabbed me and held me. “Man you had me scared for a minute.” “Pono, you lied to me about Ginger.” “What?” “She died in the vet fire.” “Oh, Jesus, baby.” He sighed. “I hate these frickin’ dreams of yours. I always end up looking bad.” “She did, didn’t she?” He sighed. “Yes, she did. Gaby, she could never have lived without you. She loved you. I used to tell myself you were together. That she crossed the rainbow to be with you.” 126

Blue Moon “Where’s Kiki?” “She’s okay. Gaby, you’ve got to stop worrying.” “I can’t stop worrying. I don’t want anything to happen to her.” There was a thumping sound. I looked down to see my lovely Kiki chewing up my best shoes on the floor. “Get up here, goofy girl,” I said and she threw herself into my arms. Pono and I laughed, kissing and hugging her. Pupu Hinu, Pupu Hinihinu e… “Can you hear music?” I asked him. “I think our alarm clock just went off,” he said. “It’s in the kitchen with the turkey.” “Right, the turkey.” We went into the kitchen and there was a knock at the door. Halia and Bane greeted us and we let them in. My mom was right behind them with Jack Kalpona. “I can’t believe you’re wearing flip-flops,” she said. “Oh, but they’re so comfortable,” he said. I hugged them both. My mom laughed when I wouldn’t let her go. “Geez, Gaby, you’re soaking wet. Did you swim with your clothes on? Anybody’d think you haven’t seen me for months.” 127

A.J. Llewellyn “I missed you,” I said. Man, she looked good. “Something smells great.” She went over to Pono’s side by the stove. I kept staring at Jack. So, I had changed something going back to the past…man. Normally I didn’t remember the long, dark sequences when the whale came for me. This one I remembered in detail. “What’s Kiana doing?” I asked mom, because as far as I knew, she was married to Mickey and no longer a part of our lives. Mom looked uncomfortable. “She feels real bad that she can’t be here for lunch, but she’s going to come by for pie later.” “Cool,” Bane enthused. He rushed toward my mother who put her arms around him. Bane helped my mom baste the turkey and I realized…he can see. I wondered if in the past, the first past, Halia had tried to drown herself, but survived. I wondered if she’d damaged Bane and he lost his gift of sight. Either way, I loved him and he was a big part of our lives. Jack nudged me. “Don’t feel bad about Kiana.” “I don’t.” “Mickey’s so weird about her coming here…you know. Since he lost everything in the stock market crash and she and the kids left him, he’s having a bad time. Not that I feel sorry for him. He’s still a dick.” 128

Blue Moon I laughed, trying to absorb this little change in events. “Yeah…so she and the kids are having lunch with him, then she’s bringing them here.” “Great,” I said. His voice dropped. “Your mom was really upset, but I figure Christmas will still be beautiful.” “Very,” I said. I handed him a glass of champagne and noticed his wedding ring. So, he’d married my mom, took on our crazy family and I was wearing my baci bracelet, Pono was wearing his and I leaned over and kissed him. Sometimes, the whale came for me and carried me off to what I called karmic duty. Sometimes, I was able to make a difference in the past, present and future. Sometimes, like everybody else, I didn’t. I took pleasure in knowing, I tried always, to help those around me. I took enormous pride in the family I had around me. What I loved in that moment about life was the essence of possibility and how sometimes, inexplicable as it was, your wildest dreams can come true. Once in a blue moon.

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About the Author A. J. Llewellyn lives in California, but dreams of living in Hawaii. Frequent trips to all the islands, bags of Kona coffee in his fridge and a healthy collection of Hawaiian records keep this writer refueled. A. J. loves male/male erotica, has a passion for all animals (especially the dog, the cat and the turtle). A. J. believes that love is a song best sung out loud. A. J.’s website is located at: http://www.ajllewellyn.com A. J. can be reached at this email: [email protected] Visit his MySpace page at: www.MySpace.com/ajllewellyn