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C A L M E AT I N G
D R R I C K K AU S M A N
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First published in 2001 Copyright © Dr Rick Kausman 2001 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10% of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) under the Act. Quote credits: p.17, from The Age; p. 30, from Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating, Penguin Books, Melbourne; p.63, from Overcoming Overeating, Cedar, London; p.66 from Australian Journal of Nutrition and Dietetics, vol.2, 1995; p.70, from Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, Doubleday; p.75, from Real Gorgeous, Allen & Unwin, Sydney; p.86, from My First Love and Turning Points, Julie Morgan, 1995; p.88, from Big Kids, New Harbinger Publications, Oakland; p. 97, from Power Thought Cards, 1991, Hay House Inc., California Allen & Unwin 83 Alexander Street Crows Nest NSW 2065 Australia Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100 Fax: (61 2) 9906 2218 Email:
[email protected] Web: www.allenandunwin.com National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry: Kausman, Rick. Calm eating. ISBN 1 86508 726 2. 1. Food habits. 2. Eating (Philosophy). I. Title. 641.013 Set in 12pt Goudy by Nada Backovic Printed by McPherson’s Priting Group, Maryborough, Vic
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F
or many of us, managing our eating, weight and health has become a struggle. On the one hand, we would like to eat healthily so that we feel
well and can enjoy a good quality of life. On the other hand, we’re given so much information about what we should do to be healthy that it’s easy to feel confused about how to approach this in the best way for us. Just to complicate things even further, we’ve started to value food for what it doesn’t have (fat and sugar, for example) rather than for the pleasure it brings us, and its sensory, social, symbolic, cultural and nutritional qualities. We have stopped really enjoying what can be a wonderful part of our lives— the food we eat. Well, you can have your cake and eat it too. I hope Calm Eating goes some way to helping you quieten down concerns about how, what, when and how much to eat. I hope it helps you to not feel guilty, worried or anxious about eating foods that are a normal and pleasurable part of life. But above all, I hope it sets you on the path to the emotional and physical well-being that goes hand in hand with having an enjoyable relationship with food.
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Dr Rick Kausman is a medical doctor who has worked in the area of eating behaviour and weight management for over fourteen years. His first book, If Not Dieting, Then What? (Allen & Unwin) was awarded Best Nutrition Writing, Australian Food Writers Award, 1999. Rick is a committee member of Body Image and Health Inc., and has been an Executive Council member of the Australasian Society for the Study of Obesity since 1993.
He is also a Fellow of the Australian College of
Psychological Medicine and an Australian Medical Association (AMA) spokesperson on eating behaviour and weight management. Rick is the creator of the healthy eating, healthy weight management website www.ifnotdieting.com. He is a regular speaker at both medical and corporate conferences, and is often interviewed by the print media, television and radio. For
further
information,
visit
Dr
Rick
Kausman’s
website
www.ifnotdieting.com or contact him at
[email protected].
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A L L F O O D I S M O R A L LY N E U T R A L
1
FEEDING YOUR SOUL
8
I N T U I T I V E E AT I N G
19
E AT I N G W I T H A L L Y O U R S E N S E S
26
DIETS DON’T WORK!
39
YOUR BODY
45
N AT U R A L E AT I N G
53
T R U E B E AU T Y
61
N U RT U R I N G Y O U R T R U E S E L F
76
TA K I N G F L I G H T
84
O N E D AY AT A T I M E
92
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A L L F O O D I S M O R A L LY NEUTRAL
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Try to think of foo d
as ‘everyday’ food
(rather than ‘good’ food) and ‘sometimes’ food (rather than ‘bad’ or ‘junk’ food).
Enjoy foo d
without feeling guilty.
2
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If you feel guilty
about eating, you usually eat
more quickly, enjoy the food less and end up eating more. If you know it’s okay to have it, it’s much easier to eat more slowly, you usually enjoy your food more and you end up eating less!
3
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It makes sense
to accept food as a necessity and as
a pleasure. It banishes deprivation, and brings back the ability to experience the physical and emotionally enjoyable offerings of food. It’s not wrong to enjoy food. SAMANTHA
4
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A ‘morally neutral’
approach to food is
imperative—being allowed to enjoy all sorts of food is an incredible relief. The guilt almost evaporates. S A L LY
5
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If we know
we can have it when we really
want it, and it’s okay to have it if we really feel like it, then we gain the power not to have it if we really don’t feel like it. If we think we aren’t allowed to have it, then we are made to want it all the more.
6
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To my delight , I discovered that being free to choose what and when to eat has given me the freedom to choose to not eat. ELEANOR
Desire is prompted
by what we cannot have;
it is quenched when the veils are lifted. ANONYMOUS
7
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FEEDING YOUR SOUL
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Try to eat slowly
and enjoy your food.
The more we relax
and enjoy our food,
the easier it is to get in touch with some of the natural senses we have and were meant to use around food.
9
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Fast foo d
only tastes good when eaten fast;
if your taste buds dance slowly and sensually with it, you realise it can’t dance. ALAN
10
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Use as many of your senses
as you can
to enjoy your food. Focus on the taste and texture, the smell, how the food looks, and even how it sounds when you eat it.
11
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Now I had permission
to relish it slowly. It was
like coming out of a dark prison and seeing the sky for the first time in twenty years. Why did I do that to myself, ruin my enjoyment by rushing and gorging? MARDIE
12
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I am no longer
a prisoner to food. I now take food
and slowly have my evil way with it. ALAN
13
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It was a feeling of incredible freedom! I could eat whatever I liked, and all I had to do for this ‘amazing’ privilege was to first sit down and carefully think about what I really wanted. MARDIE
14
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A wonderful thing
happened tonight.
I had one (count it, one) piece of chocolate after tea. I ate it slowly and savoured every second of it sliding around in my mouth. I ate one piece because I preferred to have only one piece, just for the taste of it. I was satisfied and content with that. ELEANOR
15
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Think about lunch
and what you would
like, enjoy that. Have that lunch and enjoy that. Think about that lunch later and enjoy it again. That makes for satisfaction. ALAN
16
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Foo d is seen
in the modern context merely as
something which feeds an engine … leaded or unleaded. But we should remember, it also feeds the soul. It should be a sensuous pleasure, a repast enjoyed with family and friends, a source of pride and thanks in the offering of a bountiful table. WENDY
H A R M E R , f r o m ‘ G o o d We e k e n d ’
17
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The sense of self-satisfaction
from creating
your own food and especially sharing it with others is one of the greatest joys in life.
S H E R R Y C L E W L O W , from If Not Dieting, Then What?
18
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I N T U I T I V E E AT I N G
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It can be scary
to trust our intuition, but it is
almost always dangerous not to trust it.
20
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It is important
to develop the balance between our
nutritional knowledge and our natural instincts with regard to food. In other words, we need to get the balance right between using what we know and using how we feel.
21
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Have faith
in the human body—it is an amazing
self-regulator. If we learn to listen rather than to dictate to our bodies, we can arrive at a far better understanding of ourselves as a whole. SAMANTHA
22
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If we aren’t listening
to what our bodies are
saying, it becomes impossible for us to continue in the long term even if we are following the most beautifully balanced, nutritionally correct eating plan ever invented.
23
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Very often , to get the balance right in the long term, we need to forget about the nutritional rules for a while and just concentrate on working out what our body wants.
24
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To eat anything
we really feel like and to
instinctively know what it is without a fat/calorie counter screaming from the back of our heads is all a seasoned dieter needs to be free and happy. SAMANTHA
25
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E AT I N G W I T H ALL YOUR SENSES
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I can have it if I want it , but do I really feel like it?
I can have it if I want it , but will I really enjoy it?
27
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We can all eat foo d
when we are not really
feeling physically hungry. It is quite normal to do some non-hungry eating (eating that we do when we are not physically hungry), but when we do too much it can tip our eating out of balance.
28
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Sometimes it is difficult
to tell the difference
between a physical hunger and a feeling we get that makes us want to put food in our mouths.
29
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It may be helpful
to pause a few times during the
course of a meal just to check out how you are going.
If we have been eating quickly
and we are
able to slow down, we are often able to pick up our own signals of fullness and satisfaction more easily.
30
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… prolonging a meal
does not stop it from
ending. Sooner or later you have to get up from the table and go on to the next thing. And your choice is whether you go on to that next thing feeling comfortable and satisfied, or miserable and stuffed. GENEEN
ROTH,
from Breaking Free From Compulsive Eating
31
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Many people assume
that because it’s breakfast,
lunch or dinner-time, this means they must have something to eat.
32
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Sometimes , eating is not really going to help the sort of feeling you have, so … sit down and try to work out what is making you feel that you want to eat.
33
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It is helpful to know
when we are eating for
the taste of it, and when we are eating because of physical hunger. If we know we are eating something because it tastes great, we often need less food to feel satisfied than we would if we were eating because we were hungry. Understanding the difference can allow us to enjoy the food, feel satisfied, and not feel stuffed full afterwards.
34
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With awareness and understanding comes empowerment and choice.
35
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If you are satisfied
and not feeling like any more
food, it is not a waste of food to put it away for another time, to throw it away, use it as compost, or to give it to the dog. It is a waste of food if you are still eating when you no longer feel like it.
36
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Try not to get too hungry .
Hunger signals
are a bit like our bladder signals. If we wait too long to respond, we’re more likely to have an accident!
37
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If you eat any old thing
when hungry instead
of what you desire, you will end up eating any old thing and what you desire. ALAN
38
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DIETS DON’T WORK!
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Dieting is like driving
with your foot on the
brake. Sooner or later, the tyres wear down and we skid out of control. If diets were faulty cars, we would be suing the manufacturer. Instead, we let them blame us. DONNA
40
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For many years , the word ‘diet’ has been used to mean ‘a way of eating’. The meaning of the word has changed so much now that for most people it actually means the exact opposite—a way of not eating!
41
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Dieting
… the deprivation and discipline,
it was like constantly holding my breath (and was completely unmaintainable). NICOLA
42
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Most people use scales
because they
think the scales will help them control their weight—but very often the only thing the scales end up controlling is our thinking.
43
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Research shows that
after going on a diet,
almost all the weight lost is regained. In fact, many people not only regain the weight they lose, but actually end up heavier than before they started the diet.
44
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YOUR BODY
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Health and vitality
come in all shapes and sizes,
and we can aim to be healthy at our own natural weight rather than thin at any cost.
46
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Evidence shows that
it is healthy behaviours,
rather than the achievement of any particular weight, that determines optimal health.
By looking after
ourselves and our bodies in the
best way we can, our weight/size will evolve to the healthiest level that is possible.
47
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Achieving and maintaining
optimal well-
being and, as a result of that, a healthy and comfortable weight, is very much like putting together the parts of a complex jigsaw puzzle. It is only by finding and working on the relevant issues for us, the relevant pieces of our puzzle, that the whole picture seems to fall into place.
48
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There is no single magical goal weight that any particular person is meant to be, or stay at, all their adult life.
49
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Being over
our most comfortable weight is often a
symptom of problems, rather than the cause. For me, seeing weight as a symptom has made it much easier to tackle. The fat is no longer the enemy. It becomes part of your body again, a part that is telling you that something isn’t right. The reassociation with my physical self was very important. Like any armistice day, it was an incredible relief. SAMANTHA
50
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We can lead happy , healthy productive lives without being the current culture’s idea of an ideal shape.
51
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I am
no longer putting off my life until I reach some magic weight. HELEN
52
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N AT U R A L E AT I N G
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There is no one way
of eating that is right
for everyone all the time. There is no final arriving, rather a continual learning. THEA
O ’ C O N N O R , from If Not Dieting, Then What?
54
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Normal or natural
eating is many things to many
people. Not only is there variety from person to person, there is also enormous variety within each individual.
55
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It is normal or natural
to eat more on some
days and less on other days.
It is normal or natural
to eat certain types of
foods some of the time, just for the taste of it.
56
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It is normal
or natural to overeat occasionally.
It is normal
or natural to undereat occasionally.
57
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Remember , no single meal makes any significant difference in the long term.
58
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It is normal
or natural for women to have
fluctuations in appetite and in cravings for certain types of food as hormone levels vary during the course of the menstrual cycle.
59
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It is normal
or natural to eat less of the foods you
enjoy the taste of now, because it’s okay to have them again another time.
60
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T R U E B E AU T Y
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It’s important to note
that changing
our body doesn’t necessarily lead to a better body image or a better self-esteem.
Try shifting your focus
from what you look
like, to being comfortable in your body.
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Acceptance
does not imply self-delusion. It involves
coming to terms with what is. When you accept yourself you simply say, ‘This is how I am right now. I don’t know what the future will bring. I do know that if I want to change, I must first feel as comfortable as I can with myself in the present.’ HIRSCHMANN
and M U N T E R , from
Overcoming Overeating
63
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By accepting and understanding
who you
are—your power, your vulnerability, your strength and your imperfections—you can make changes.
64
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If you are an adult woman , it really is all right to look like an adult woman. PENELOPE
G O WA R D , from If Not Dieting, Then What?
Even I don’t look
like Cindy Crawford
when I get up in the morning. CINDY
C R AW F O R D
65
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The mo dels of Rubens , Rembrandt, Gaugin and Matisse were all rounded, plump women. Some art critics believe that the supreme of female beauties from the Renaissance, Leonardo Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa, may have been pregnant at the time, inferring that female roundness and heaviness were considered most beautiful. JENNIFER
O ’ D E A , from ‘Body Image…
A Review of the Literature’
66
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Irrespective
of where a person falls in the
continuum of weight, they deserve to be respected and supported in obtaining self-acceptance.
F I O N A M C D O N A L D , from If Not Dieting, Then What?
67
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Be with people
who respect and
accept you for yourself. Be discerning about the amount of time you spend with people who are always focused on looks and food.
68
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Recognise
negative self-talk about your body, speak
gently to yourself, and try to do some rephrasing of this self-talk.
Work
on some positive affirmations about your body.
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The culture
we have does not make
people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it. MORRIE
S C H W A R T Z , f r o m Tu e s d a y s w i t h M o r r i e
Protect yourself
from
cultural bombardment.
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Before industrialisation,
clothes were made
to fit an individual. Mass production then led to standardisation of clothing shapes and sizes. Instead of the clothes fitting the body, the emphasis shifted to the body fitting the clothes.
71
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From my experience,
clearing out my
wardrobe of all my too-small clothes was one of the most liberating things I could have done, and taking care to make sure that I had something comfortable to wear was also nurturing. BEV
72
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Have been a bit kinder to myself
in
terms of body image … grappling with the concept that I am much more than what size I am. Even daringly wearing some clothes to work that I wouldn’t normally wear. It would not be true to say that I want to stay this size forever, but I am nevertheless trying to focus on the good points rather than the ones I don’t like so much. JOANNE
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It is possible
to lead a happy and fulfilling life
without having the so-called ideal body shape.
It’s important
to accept our inherited physical
characteristics.
74
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You KAZ
are not your buttocks.
C O O K E , from Real Gorgeous
75
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N U RT U R I N G YOUR TRUE SELF
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Sometimes , people feel they are being selfish if they think about their own needs. But being selfish is very different from being self-caring. Being selfish is looking after one’s own needs to the exclusion of others. Being self-caring is understanding that you, too, have important needs that must be met; that you are worthy, and that you have a responsibility to yourself.
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Give yourself Accept
the right to say ‘no’.
that you only have a finite emotional space.
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If we look after
our own needs, we feel more
energised, in control and positive. We are then much more likely to look after ourselves in an appropriate way, and to enjoy caring for and giving to others.
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We all need
and like to feel
looked after and appreciated.
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I’m goo d enough
81
just as I am.
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How about I say to myself
it’s okay not
to be perfect at this. I can roll with this and make it up as I go along. I don’t have to have some huge game plan, strategy thing with lots of rules. I can just take it a day at a time, a meal at a time. And I can change what I’m doing any time I like. Just give myself permission to do what feels right at the time, not what I should be doing or have to do … NICOLA
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If you think
you are too small to be effective you’ve
never been in bed with a mosquito! A N I TA
R O D D I C K , founder of The Body Shop
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TA K I N G F L I G H T
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For many of us , being fit for living is a much more appropriate outcome of increasing our physical activity than being fit to run a marathon.
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Without actually shivering
with ecstasy
when the mind bows down in homage before beauty, it is possible, while walking, to cross the boundaries of the mind and the heart. There is serene joy in the knowledge that thought can enter completely into feeling and feeling can enter completely into thought. ELIZABETH
J O L L E Y , from My First Love and Tu r n i n g P o i n t s
86
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Whatever physical activity
we
can do is worthwhile.
Physical activity
is vital in allowing us to achieve
and maintain optimal health and quality of life.
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The notion
of ‘no pain, no gain’ should
be equated with ‘no brain’. G R E G O RY
A R C H E R , from Big Kids
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I went for a short walk
and thought …
I can go as far or as short as I like. In fact, I enjoy walking, slowly watching the trees and the houses, breathing fresh air. It doesn’t have to be a drag, a pain, an exercise that one must do to gain ‘good girl’ points in life. I am doing this for me! MARDIE
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It was lack of exercise , lack of worrying about myself, looking after the kids and never eating properly. One day I found myself walking along the foreshore taking in the scenery and all of a sudden I thought—where am I? I realised I had gone for miles, and I thought this is wonderful, now I can walk again. M A RYA N N E
90
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If you don’t like
a certain type of physical
activity, don’t keep doing it—try something else. Be prepared to try things. You aren’t failing if you try something and realise it isn’t for you.
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O N E D AY AT A T I M E
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Small changes
can make a big difference.
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Going off focus
is normal in
the process of change.
Off focus times
can be used as a
learning opportunity.
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Progress is succeeding small steps along the way.
95
at
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If we want to make long-term changes , we can only continue to work on what we can change in a long-term way.
96
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… it takes some time
from the first declaration
to the final demonstration. So be patient. LOU ISE
L . H AY , from Power Thought Cards
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This book would not have been possible without the many clients who have shared their experiences and helped me to understand the important issues in this complex area of health. I would particularly like to thank the clients who took the time and emotional energy to share their own feelings in stories or quotes, some of which are featured in this book. I would like to thank Pen Goward for her inspirational work in the 1980s and the early 1990s, and the many health professionals with whom I have regular contact and who provide wonderful support and encouragement. I would also like to thank the following people for their help: Sue Reynolds, for giving me the push to really get this book off the ground; Eva Friedman, for her readiness to lend a hand and for her way with words; Annette Barlow, my publisher at Allen &Unwin, whose support has been never ending; Karen Penning, my editor, and Nada Backovic, my designer, who have both done a great job presenting the information and ideas I handed to them in a most easy to use and appealing way; my daughters, Elise and Meaghan, who continue to be my pride and joy; and my wife, Nikki, for her unconditional love and support. 98
