Caught Looking

CAUGHT LOOKING …Ty moved closer, resting his hand on Jae’s naked hip. His skin was warm to the touch, begging to be explored and discovered in the darkness. Despite being exhausted, touching Jae had stirred Ty awake. In silence he nuzzled the back of Jae’s neck, kissing his strong shoulder and running his lips along his upper arm until the man grunted in response. Ty ran his fingers over Jae’s nipples and through the hair on his chest, following it down to his abdomen. He traced over muscles, along the hollow of his belly button and the definition of his hip where he lingered. They could touch and kiss until morning, but he wasn’t in the mood for slow, sensual sex. He wanted it. Now. “You are insatiable,” Jae said. “That’s a big word for a guy who plays third base.” “Oh yeah? If you like that, I’ve got some more ten-dollar words stashed away.” “I’m more the visual type. I heard you wolfed down three hot dogs at the ballpark.” Ty brushed his fingers along Jae’s stomach and against his already stiffening cock. Instinctively he moved forward, pressing his hard dick into Jae’s round ass cheeks. God, he wanted to fuck him worse than he could possibly imagine. Jae reached back, cupping Ty’s butt and pushing him in closer, letting him know exactly what he wanted. “Does that turn you on?” “What do you think?” He breathed hard against Jae’s flesh, his cock painfully hard. Ty sucked on Jae’s earlobe and caressed his chest and stomach, memorizing his body in the darkness. He couldn’t keep his hands from wandering farther down and cupping Jae’s heavy sac and long, hard penis…

ALSO BY GABRINA GARZA Adeno Almost Home The Catah Circle Circle Of Friends: All Fired Up Circle Of Friends: All Wet The Countess Of Suburbia Endangered Hot Phoenix Nights Jax and the Giant’s Bean Stalk Leading Man One Last Kiss The Pagan King Phantom Desires Playing With Magic, Book I: Hex On The Ex River Of Time: Dreamwalker River Of Time: Heart Of The Bear Sex Between Strangers Spirit Sanctuary Take Me Out Underneath It All Wide Open Spaces

CAUGHT LOOKING BY GABRINA GARZA

AMBER QUILL PRESS, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com

CAUGHT LOOKING AN AMBER QUILL PRESS BOOK This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2010 by Gabrina Garza ISBN 978-1-61124-022-1 Cover Art © 2010 Trace Edward Zaber

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Thank you to Kerin for all of your help.

CAUGHT LOOKING

CHAPTER 1

The whir of lawnmowers and barking dogs slowly woke Ty. An extra innings game followed by a long, slow drive through late night construction traffic had made the trip from Bloomington four hours longer than anticipated. They probably could have walked back home faster than the bus chugged its way through one-lane traffic where no one wanted to let them merge. It had been a theme through the season—nine innings became twelve, the bus broke down, heavy rain made the field unplayable, or construction kept them from a steady pace back to their home stadium. He stretched and turned onto his side, not yet ready to wake up. Struggling to keep his eyes shut, he reached beneath his pillow, sighing as cool fabric touched the back of his hand. 1

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The headboard rattled, bed jiggling with movement. His eyes popped open and he found Jae still in bed, his face smashed into his pillow, his massive arm disappearing beneath their shared comforter. Ty’s heart stuttered at the sight of him sound asleep, the dark green comforter pulled up to his unshaven chin. Long, dark eyelashes shielded his eyes while waves of hair framed his face. Even sound asleep Jae was hot as hell. This was definitely something Ty could get used to every morning. With their last week and a half played locally, they hadn’t worried about separate beds on the road or keeping quiet in their hotel. “You’re staring at me, aren’t you? Thinking of all the dirty things you want to do to me when I wake up.” Jae smiled without opening his eyes. “Three more days.” Ty yawned, venturing closer. “I’m thinking about the off season. And about all the dirty things you want to do to me.” Jae popped an eye open. “Off season? Nah, I’m not ready for the off season. This is the first team in three years I’ve played with that has any playoff potential.” Ty grunted. Mentally he didn’t want the season to end either, but his body was screaming for a recliner and the safety of a teaching job at Purdue. His knees and back hurt, his arms were sore from overdoing weights earlier in the week, and he was still tired from last night’s game. “The last two games have killed me.” “You are such an old man it’s pathetic.” “You didn’t have fat ass Diaz slide into you last night. Three hundred pounds shouldn’t be sliding into base.” “Well, suck it up. You tagged him out.” 2

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“Yeah.” That wasn’t much consolation for the seven inch bruise to the shin. Jae propped himself up on his elbow. “All we need is for the Dragons to beat the Wizards and the Oilers to lose to the Steelheads and then we have to win today, which ties us for sixth place overall in the league, then we’re headed to the playoffs. We’re in this for three more weeks, I guarantee you. Hopefully more like five or six.” Ty reached out and rested his palm on Jae’s bicep. He loved that he could lie in bed next to another man and talk baseball. “Too many factors involved. The Dragons have been spanked all year by everyone other than the Huskies and the Mudcats. They’re not beating the Wizards.” Jae grunted. “You never know. I was supposed to be done two weeks ago when Zember came back.” He had a point. Baseball was about luck, good timing, and superstitions, not science. Sometimes skill didn’t even equal victory. No one had expected their regular third baseman Pecci to get signed by the Mariners AA farm team. At twenty-nine, he was a little old to draw any interest by scouts, but with his versatility on the field as a utility player, he’d caught someone’s eye and his teammates could not have been happier for him. With his spot open, the manager decided to keep Jae on the roster. Ty glanced at the clock. Being awake and coherent before eleven was a rarity for him during the season. The handful of late morning games they’d played at the end of May and early June, when schools and senior centers bused people to the ballpark, had nearly killed him. Jae, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have an internal clock that leaned toward sleeping in. That was also becoming a likely 3

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cause of death. “Why are you still in bed?” Ty asked. Not that he was complaining. “I came back to bed. Went for a jog, showered, and saw you were still sleeping. Figured I’d wait for you to wake up.” “You went for a jog already?” The air kicked on, sending a blast of cool air up behind the headboard. Jae wiggled closer until he shared Ty’s pillow. He traced his index finger along Ty’s collarbone, so light it gave him a shiver. The comforter had fallen back, exposing Jae’s perfectly toned chest. His skin was tan, but day games had formed a distinct tan line around the middle of his bicep and around his neck from his uniform. Looking at him now, Ty was certain he could spend an hour exploring him inch by inch, following the faint lines with his hands and mouth. As if he knew what Ty had planned, Jae straightened his legs, the length of his hard body pressed to Ty’s. “Did you miss where I said I was waiting for you to wake up?” He leaned forward and kissed Ty softly, his breath warm, minty, and irresistible. Lips parted, Ty kissed him back, groaning in anticipation as he swept his arm behind Jae and smashed their bodies together. Immediately he felt the unmistakable bulge against his hip. “Now you’re awake,” Jae murmured, pulling the covers down. He reached for Ty’s T-shirt and wrestled it over his head, tossing it to the floor between hard, hungry kisses. “Wide awake,” Ty agreed, kissing his way down Jae’s throat to his chest and abdomen. He bit at his nipples and circled his belly button, alternating between soft kisses and more aggressive nips. Instinctively Jae drew in a breath, his flat, hard stomach 4

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tightening. His dick twitched, the tip beaded with thick, clear sperm. “And ready to do all of those dirty things I dreamed about last night,” Ty said against Jae’s lower stomach. Boxer shorts and T-shirts flew through the air and landed unnoticed on the rug. Ty ran his thumb over the thick, shiny head as Jae arched his back and groaned. He struggled to keep his eyes open, to watch what Ty did to him. Ty scooted down to the end of the bed and knelt over Jae, kissing the insides of his muscular, tanned thighs. He licked and sucked his way along Jae’s smooth, heavy balls to the base of his rock hard dick and traced the prominent veins with the tip of his tongue. He tasted like sex, salty, tangy and delicious. Pulling Jae between his lips, Ty looked up at him, taking in his flat stomach, hard abs, and perfect, heaving chest. Blue eyes stared back at him, lips pulled tight as he restrained a soft groan. Ty kissed the tip and stroked him from the middle to the tip, feeling his partner’s erection grow. He ran his tongue along the top, lapping up the salty taste of his skin, feeling Jae’s body tense with pleasure. Slowly Ty took him in, sliding down the length of his rigid dick. He fit his hand around the base and squeezed gently, then rubbed circles along his balls, massaging the sac. Jae’s legs parted wider and Ty felt between them, stroking the wiry dark hairs along the front of his thighs and the smooth, warm skin in the middle. He stroked his round ass cheeks, running his fingers in between and prodding his tight hole. His own dick had perked up and he reached down, stroking himself while he massaged Jae’s rim. He groaned louder, his legs spread wide apart, his dick straining. Ty exhaled on Jae’s stomach and parted his lips, fitting the tip of his lover’s cock into his mouth. 5

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He started slowly, taking Jae in an inch at a time, watching as his large hands balled into fists. His own dick ached and he stroked himself faster, rubbing the sensitive head between his fingers. Ty sucked Jae’s cock faster, his lips traveling down to the base then back up to the tip. He licked along the sides and ridge, his tongue circling the wide, shiny head, lapping up each drop of sperm. He turned onto his side, stroking his own dick harder, pulling on the skin as he held Jae’s cock at the base and circled the head with his tongue, flicking his partner’s twitching penis. Jae pushed his hips up, sucking in a breath through his teeth as he reached down and grabbed Ty by the back of the head. His fingers tangled in his wavy hair, his grip so hard and insistent it almost hurt. “Open your mouth,” Jae demanded. “Suck me off.” Jae’s body trembled with anticipation, his head tossed back, back arched as he pushed Ty’s head down. He took him obediently, surprised at how turned on he was by the command in Jae’s voice. Lips tight around his thick cock, he sucked him down to his balls, gripping the length of him. Jae’s body tightened, dick more rigid than before. The bed shook as Jae thrust his hips up, his fist still holding the back of Ty’s head. He closed his eyes, hungrily taking him in, wanting to hear Jae whisper his name. Stroke for stroke, Jae rose to meet him. He cursed under his breath and pulled Ty’s head up just as he climaxed. Thick, white sperm spurted onto Jae’s quivering stomach. Gripping him at the base, Ty milked every drop from his engorged cock while Jae struggled to steady his breathing. He leaned over Jae’s outstretched body and kissed his stomach and chest, lapping up his partner’s seed. 6

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Eyes closed, Jae reached between Ty’s legs and fondled his tight balls, his palm rubbing along Ty’s hardened member. Just one touch and he melted in Jae’s grasp, wanting nothing more than to be with him. He couldn’t remember ever feeling as charged up, settled down, and as right as he did when he was this close to Jae. Everything about him fit. “Now,” Jae said, his voice rough. He opened his eyes and looked down at Ty’s swollen dick as he circled the head with his thumb. He gave him a firm tug that sent a shiver of pleasure down Ty’s spine. Jae sat up, grabbed Ty by the shoulders, and pinned him to the mattress. His beautiful lips formed an irresistible smile as he looked down at him. “Let me show you what I dreamed about last night.”

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CHAPTER 2

Jae stood with his hands on his hips and examined the league standings in the office hallway. Brightly lit display cases held team pictures from previous Arsenals seasons along with memorabilia from the stadium’s opening day. Jerseys graced the walls, signed by the players who had worn them and confined to their own special frames with black backgrounds and off-white cards detailing the former player’s career with the team. Ever since they’d left the house, Jae had been chattering on about the what-ifs for the post season. Dragons and Steelhead victories meant the Arsenals made the playoffs for the second year in a row. Players and staff passed through the door, heading in opposite directions to the clubhouse and offices. The smell of barbeque, the 8

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apparent spread for a company outing, tormented Ty as he walked past Jae. He ate light before the game, a turkey and cheese sandwich, banana, and handful of peanuts. “You think they’d notice if we sneaked into the corporate party?” he asked. Jae picked up his duffle bag and hefted it over his shoulder. “Me, yes. My batting average is higher than it’s been in two seasons. You? Probably not.” “Good.” He took a deep breath and his mouth watered. At thirty bucks a person, the buffet was rated just as good as the casino off the lake. “Smells like ribs.” “Smells like beating the Flyers to me.” He clapped Ty on the back. “Let’s go, Gramps.” They headed toward the elevator where Julie from ticket sales flagged them down. “Hey, Ty, got a minute?” He paused as the elevator doors opened and Jae stepped inside, using his foot to keep it open. “What’s up?” She played with her lanyard and shifted her weight. “We had some guy on the party deck ask if you would mind signing some items for their group team.” His brow furrowed. This had to be some sort of stupid joke set up by Halsey or one of the other relievers. With nothing to do for most of the game but sit in the bullpen, eat sunflower seeds, and conjure up stupid pranks, he expected as much from them. “Like what?” he asked. “He brought some old posters of you. College stuff. You were so cute in your tight little red uniform.” “Sure he did.” This was one of the worst pranks the relievers had tried to pull off. They were getting lazy at the end of the season. “What? Did Halsey or Glenn give you ten bucks for this?” 9

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Julie gave him an odd look that hinted at paranoid much? “He said you guys were old friends. Can I leave this stuff by your locker or what?” “Tell them I’ll come up after the game and sign.” He stepped onto the elevator as Cogan walked in and gave him a dirty look for slowing them down. Ansen was going to blow a gasket if his players weren’t in the clubhouse on time to hear his pregame speech. “What’s this guy’s name?” “Jake Bowen from Bowen Enterprises.” Ty froze. His heart thudded like a rock thrown into a wall. “You mean Jack?” He hadn’t seen Jack Bowen since junior year of college back in Ohio. The last Ty had heard he had moved to Pennsylvania and started a business that made seats for airplanes. “Yeah, Jack, Jake, something like that. Big guy, maybe sixeight or six-nine, dark hair, glasses…kind of cute.” She shrugged. “Brought a ton of people out to the game.” With a heavy sigh, Cogan stormed off the elevator and headed toward the stairs in a dramatic huff. Pitchers were so temperamental sometimes. “You do know this guy, right?” “Yeah.” Static filled his head. He hadn’t seen Jack Bowen in five, maybe six years. Knowing him was an understatement. They’d been close friends from the end of high school and into college. Out of the house and away from family, Jack had been there at all the right times. He’d been open, inviting, and completely unfazed by Ty’s unabashed curiosity. “So just tell them you’ll sign them in person after the game?” Julie asked. Her voice startled him. “Yeah, that’s fine.” He nodded and Jae 10

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stepped back, allowing the door to close. A commercial for a car dealership filled the silence but failed to erase the thoughts buzzing in his head. He hadn’t expected to see Jack again, at least not in person. Plenty of people who had disappeared from his life and thoughts flashed back in through Twitter and Facebook, but social media was one thing. Showing up at a game and asking for an autograph—that was different. Ty stared at the gray carpeting with specks of blue and red dotted through the fabric. He wondered what had changed, how Jack had changed. The last time he’d seen him was in an empty hall at the bottom of the stairs. It had poured all day, the kind of rain that penetrated down to the bone. It seemed like the perfect weather for a confession, to grip Jack by his broad shoulders, look into his dark chocolate eyes and tell him that he loved him, loved everything about him. Four years of lust, confusion, and acceptance rested in that moment. After all the years of denying his sexuality, befriending Jack had given him the courage to tell another man he honestly loved him and wanted something more. With one more year left of college, Ty had already sketched his future with Jack, how they would move off together, establish their careers, possibly adopt kids ten years down the road and get a dog. Their late night coffeehouse chats or weekends watching hockey games at the bar would turn into sophisticated, cozy dinners and evenings on the couch. In a blur of excitement and terror, he’d kissed him, drawn back, and saw the look on Jack’s face. Not quite anger, not quite disgust, but clearly unexpected and not in a good way. In a single heartbeat he’d known he’d fucked everything up. He’d been wrong. About 11

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everything. Surprise turned to anger, and Jack shoved him against the wall. “What the fuck are you doing?” There hadn’t been an answer. All the signals he swore Jack shot off like flares had been his lusty, delusional fantasies. The memory made his gut knot. He couldn’t remember being more humiliated in his life. Jae nudged him with his elbow and smiled. Familiar and easygoing, his expression eased Ty’s scattered thoughts. “You had posters made up from your college days?” “Yeah,” he said dryly, trying to ignore the heavy, tight feeling that had settled in the pit of his stomach. “I couldn’t get enough me, so I taped them to my walls and ceiling.” “I’d kind of like to see one if the tight red uniform is true.” Ty glared at him as the door opened and they headed toward the locker room. Cogan burst through the heavy steel door and glanced back at the two of them without saying a word. “I’m sure you would.” *

*

*

The late-summer heat took up residence in the ballpark and refused to budge. Not even the hint of a breeze passed through the stands or across the field. With humidity at its worst in August, Ty was almost certain he could swim through the infield, gliding through the thick air. With two party decks above the regular GA seats, he didn’t have to search hard to find Jack’s company party. Situated on the third base side, a rowdy bunch of employees laughed and cheered throughout the game, the drinks flowing freely and smoke from 12

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their barbeque wafting through the air. He stole a glance between plays and looked for Jack amongst the crowd of guys wearing gray company polo shirts who leaned over the railing with beers in hand. From the corner of his eye he scanned the many small, round tables with orange bar chairs set further back, but the matching shirts made it impossible. His first time up to bat, he didn’t have to wonder any longer. “Yeah!” He heard Jack’s deep voice. He threw down the weights from his bat and looked over his shoulder as he headed toward the plate. Leaning over the railing, Jack pumped his fist in the air. “Come on, Parker, you’re my boy!” He kicked the dirt around and stood over the plate, staring down the pitcher as he nodded, agreeing with whatever the catcher had signaled. He jumped back, the curve ball sailing just above his knees for strike one. Taking a breath, he tapped the end of his bat on the plate and regrouped. Second pitch was outside. “Good eye, Parker, good eye!” He gripped the bat, trying to block out the rest of the stadium. From the corner of his eye he could see Jae leaning over the dugout, the bill of his hat turned upward. The next pitch was near perfect and he knew it. “Strike two,” the ump called. “What are you looking at out there, boy?” Always in the front row, the fan who constantly came to the ballpark in his scrubs threw his popcorn bucket down in disgust. No matter how loud the fans screamed, he could always hear Doc. “Swing! We’re paying you to swing the bat!” “Yeah, Ty, swing the freaking bat!” London agreed. She gave a shrill whistle, which always put the stadium into a brief moment of 13

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silence. “Swing it like ya mean it!” He called for time and stepped away, taking a breath to calm his mind. While the rest of the team had been swinging hot bats, he hadn’t quite found his groove in the last week. Going two for ten in his last at-bats, he was starting to get pissed at himself. Ty stepped back in and knew the pitch before it was thrown. He swung hard, hitting the ball on the sweet spot. The crack of leather and wood rang through the stadium and he dropped his bat, tearing across the dirt to first base. Behind him the crowd exploded, some of the regulars jumping out of their seats. He rounded second and watched as the ball hit the wall in center field and the outfielders scrambled to retrieve it. From the third base side, Coach Larson motioned for him to keep running, his arm swinging in wide, frantic circles. Ty felt like a cartoon character, his feet moving as fast as he could manage while he still gained no ground. He hauled ass, sprinting across the infield and diving into third base. A gloved hand hit him in the shoulder, the tag a little harder than necessary. “Safe!” the umpire called. Ty stood and brushed off his white pant legs, then removed his batting gloves and helmet and handed them to Larson. He glanced up at the same time and searched briefly for Jack as Mueller walked up to the plate. Jack had moved. Ty’s gaze flitted between the field and the upper deck as he wandered several feet away from the base, hoping to score if Mueller got a good piece of the ball. With one out, they could take an early lead and hopefully not look back. “Nice hit, Parker, nice hit.” He swallowed but kept his eyes on home plate, unable to tell where Jack’s voice had come from. It sounded closer, like he’d 14

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come down from the party deck to take a seat along the third baseline. “Next time go for the home run,” London called out. People in the stands around her chuckled, including Jack’s distinctive, deep laugh. So that’s where he’d gone. He must have noticed London and ventured down to say hello. Mueller foul tipped the first pitch and sent a group of kids diving to get the ball in the seats. The next two pitches were called balls, the next a strike that had the crowd jeering. The pitcher tossed the rosin bag behind the mound and offered Mueller a sinker, which he took and slammed into right field just along the foul line. Ty took off running just as Mueller connected with the ball and crossed home plate well before the right fielder could make a play. Cheers, whistles, a cow bell, and the stadium’s own fire alarm sounded as he jogged down the steps and into the dugout. “What the fuck?” Zember said as he walked toward the giant orange cooler and poured a Dixie cup full of cold water along the back of his neck. It didn’t seem to help at all given the humidity. “What? Not good enough for you?” “The play was all right. I was referring to your fan club. You paying people to show up and support you again?” “How did you know?” Zember grinned, just barely masking a hint of jealousy. He’d been the best player his high school in Michigan had ever seen and had gone on to sail through community college as their top recruit, but he blended with the rest of the right-handed pitchers and ended up in the Indie league when the minors passed on him. No matter what, he still had the attitude of a player who had been fed compliments for the first ten years of his career. He wasn’t a bad 15

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person, he was just a cocky jackass. “I saw your ad on Craigslist for blow jobs. Thinking about responding.” “I’ve got enough fans for the moment.” Zember laughed. “You’re mouth ain’t big enough to handle this.” McNamee tapped Ty on the shoulder and nodded toward the end of the dugout. “Someone’s trying to get your attention.” He looked over his shoulder and offered a weak smile to Jack, who nodded and waved. He hadn’t changed one bit, still tall, incredibly handsome, and friendly. He reminded Ty of a Labrador retriever, a constant, dependable buddy. “You’re coming up after the game, right?” he asked. Ty nodded. “Sure.” Jack’s smile widened. “Great.” He waved again and disappeared from sight. Removing his hat, Ty sat at the end of the bench and watched as Marconi walked onto base and Mueller advanced to second. They still had one out. If they could avoid a double play, they had a chance for an early lead. “Oilers are winning. Top of the fourth.” Startled, Ty looked at Jae. “What?” “Oilers five, Steelheads zip.” “Nothing we can do about that.” Jae nodded but didn’t say another word. He popped a handful of sunflower seeds into his mouth and watched the field in silence as Mueller stole third. London whistled again, her excitement cut off by the catcher’s intro music. In three pitches he struck out, leaving two men on base and the crowd agitated. Ty turned to ask Jae if he’d heard anything about the Dragons 16

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and Wizards, but he’d left the dugout and started his practice swings. He sat back, watching Jae from the corner of his eye while his mind returned to Jack. That man had been his obsession, his late night fantasy, his early morning daydream, and his afternoon delight. Every moment they spent together had been torture and he couldn’t wait for more. Jack always looked intently at him when he spoke, always stood a little closer than necessary. Maybe he’d misinterpreted his every move. But that had all ended and no longer mattered. He was over him—he had to be over him. There was nothing there. Jae’s music started and Ty perked up. He got up off the bench and hung his arms over the dugout bars where half the team stood and watched the game. “C’mon, Wise,” Ott called out with his Tennessee drawl. Few players looked as comfortable at the plate as Jae and for good reason. He swung with ease, his movement fluid, like he knew exactly where he was sending the ball. The ball cut through the air, sailing through a sea of bright stadium lights against the darkening night sky. The crowd roared with anticipation, the rest of the players climbing to their feet. Larson madly called for Mueller to go home. Jae tore across the infield to first base as the ball cleanly shot over the fence and onto the walkway where excited kids scrambled and dived over one another for the souvenir. The siren blared, the crowd standing and cheering while Jae jogged his way around. Mueller greeted him at the plate and smacked him on the ass hard, then turned and fist bumped Valadez as he walked up to bat. “Get that man a fan club,” Zember said, clapping his huge paws together. He looked at Ty and laughed to himself. “Way to 17

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hit, Wise! Way to hit.” Jae made his way through the rest of the team and placed his batting helmet back on the wall. He stood next to Ty and took out more sunflower seeds. “You think they’d notice if I sneaked over to Plainfield and put on a Steelheads uniform?” *

*

*

The Dragons and Wizards game was suspended because of rain and the Steelheads finally managed to sneak in a couple of runs and come back to beat the Oilers. The Flyers committed enough errors to dig themselves a hole and never made a comeback, giving the Arsenal a seven to one victory. All but one run had been scored before the third inning when the Flyers replaced their pitcher and the mid-reliever kept them from scoring until the eighth. They’d managed to finish the game before the rain that had stalled the Wizards and Dragons finally made its way in. Ty ran his head under the sink and dried his hair before he left the locker room. League rules said players had to be in uniform at all times when at the stadium and he didn’t feel like showering and changing into his away jersey just to sign autographs. Whoever made league rules apparently didn’t realize games took three hours and were played in the summer. He made his way to the elevator following another inspirational speech from Ansen. He halflistened to the manager, his mind constantly pulled back to the upper deck and Jack. “How long are you signing for?” Jae, who had changed into street clothes, asked as Ty walked past him and pressed the elevator button more times than was necessary. “Not sure. Why?” 18

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“I might ride back with London.” He shrugged. A handful of the guys were heading up to Langels to watch the rest of the Wizards and Dragons game on local cable. “Up to you.” Jae lightly tapped him on the shoulder. “See you at home then. We were tossing around the idea of driving over to Elgin and catching the rest of the Wizards and Dragons.” “Drive? It’ll take you an hour to get there. Why don’t you just go to Langels?” “Because I want a hot dog and a beer like you wouldn’t believe and the food at Langels is shit. Besides, London promised forty minutes or less. I told her it would be at least forty-five.” He smiled. “We might just bet on it. Dirty style.” Ty grunted. “Interesting.” The elevator doors opened. “Trust me, I have some ideas for my victory.” Ty felt his dick twitch just as the doors closed and Jae disappeared. He finished stuffing the rest of his belongings into his bag and rode up with Zember, Glenn, and Marconi, who exited on the main floor and headed out the back doors where friends, family, and a few fans waited to congratulate them on the win. Once the doors closed, he took a deep breath, wondering if it was nerves or the jerk of the elevator as it continued to the upper deck that turned his stomach. The door opened to a group of teenagers waiting to jump on and leave the stadium. Paper cups, plates, and napkins littered the round tables and cement floor, pasted on thanks to the sudden but brief rain storm. Several people milled around and finished their drinks while stadium employees cleaned the party deck. Televisions along the inside wall showed the end of the Cubs 19

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game, which had gone into extra innings. “Great game.” Jack rose smoothly from his seat at a bar table in the back with a beer bottle in one hand. He smiled and walked toward Ty with his broad hand extended. A snug fitting gray polo shirt displayed powerful hands and forearms. A former hockey player, he’d always been the size of a mountain. “Thanks,” Ty replied. He looked Jack over, each detail virtually unchanged. His hair was shorter, a little darker than he remembered, but everything else was just as he remembered. They shook and Jack drew him in closer for a brief but firm hug that sent an electric charge through Ty. He still wore the same, familiar cologne, the scent Ty could never seem to get deep enough into his lungs. “Good to see you again,” Jack said. Ty pulled away. The knots in his stomach tightened. “You, too. What are you doing here? I thought you were in Pittsburg making airline seats.” Jack frowned. “I was, but we’ve expanded our product line and found a lot of good opportunity here.” He nodded. “Good for you.” “We just started up a new warehouse a few months ago in Gary. Not the greatest area, but the building was the right price and there are plenty of qualified people looking for work.” He took a sip of beer from his bottle and inhaled. “Friend of a friend mentioned this made a great place for a group outing, so I decided what the hell? May as well treat the whole company to a night out.” “You filled the whole deck.” “Yep. Two hundred people at the Gary location.” Jack’s eyes 20

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creased with another smile. “I looked up the roster after we booked the party and saw you were playing here. I almost shit myself when I saw your name.” “Huh. I guess that’s a coincidence.” “Can’t think about baseball without thinking about you.” Ty grunted, not sure what to make of Jack’s words. For the longest time he’d associate hockey, rainy days, a cup of black coffee, and the echo of a stairwell with Jack Bowen. “Too bad I didn’t play a little better today.” “Always self-deprecating.” He looked Ty over with dark, smoldering eyes. His golden tan accentuated a scar above his right eye, a souvenir from high school hockey. “You haven’t changed a bit since our last year of college together, Ty.” He offered a weak smile. “Neither have you.” Jack put his empty beer bottle down on the table and snapped his fingers. “Autographs.” He chuckled to himself and grabbed a plastic bag from beneath the table. He carefully removed three small posters, each rolled and secured with rubber bands, and placed them on the table next to a Sharpie. “You don’t mind, do you?” “Of course not. Who are they for?” “Just stuff for my sports collection. We donated some money to the Blackhawks charity and the Steelers, so I have a modest collection of footballs, signed hockey sticks, and some autographed cards. Thought it might be nice to have something from an old friend before he was famous hanging on the wall.” “Who would that be?” “I heard you might have your own bobble head next year. You’ve made it when they give you a statue with a wiggly head.” “I was hoping for an extra zero or two at the end of my 21

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paycheck.” Jack chuckled and unrolled the first poster, which was an enlargement of Ty’s college baseball card. Oh, Jesus…With eye black smeared beneath his lower lids and sunglasses perched on his red cap, he stood positioned for a ground ball. “Seriously?” Ty chuckled to himself. He’d been thinner freshman year, long and lanky with twig arms and legs. He looked like a teenager—and that wasn’t a good thing. “Where the hell did you get this?” “I’ve always had it. The original card is framed on my desk back in P.A.” “Are you serious? You have this in your office?” Ty flashed him a look and Jack quickly turned away, reaching for the next poster. “This one’s better.” He pulled off the rubber band and smoothed out the poster. “Sophomore year. Sporting the goatee and that crappy looking hemp necklace. Oh, yeah.” Ty winced as he looked over the poster. He’d bulked up from the previous year, his build closer to what he’d been since he’d joined the Arsenals. The print quality for the second poster wasn’t nearly as good as the first, not that it mattered much. He considered giving Jack twenty bucks and destroying both of them. No one needed to see these, let alone display them anywhere but the landfill. “Do I even want to see the last one?” Jack smiled. “The front office gave me this one. She said it was from a promo last year or something.” “Good. I don’t regret that one yet.” He remembered those posters well since the local grocery chain had sponsored a poster giveaway throughout the season. His posters had been given out on a day when heavy rains delayed the 22

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game by more than an hour. He’d spent forty-five minutes on the concourse sitting at a lonely banquet table with an intern, the team mascot—a bear in a firefighter suit—and Tony Cogan, who couldn’t sign his giveaway posters due to a broken right hand. They’d been razzed for weeks since fans had stayed away thanks to the storm, leaving a good three hundred of the two thousand posters untouched. Everyone else on the team had been swamped with autograph requests and long lines, while Tony and Ty had sat and watched Arnie the Bear pose with kids and adult fans. “That’s the one I wanted you to sign. The rest were just to mess with you a little bit.” Jack leaned over the table and sighed, looking from one poster to the next. “Sure does bring back memories.” Ty paused, considering Jack’s words. Too much time had passed and he could no longer read him the way he had—or had thought he could—in the past. He grabbed the Sharpie and pulled off the cap. “Yeah. Old memories,” he replied as the marker squeaked across the glossy paper. “Good memories,” Jack corrected. Ty slowly replaced the cap and set the Sharpie on the table. Behind Jack, stadium employees milled around, waiting for the rest of the ticket holders to leave the park. The Cubs game was down to the last out, the stragglers from the party huddled in front of the flat screen TV waiting for the final play. “It was good seeing you again.” He rolled up the poster and handed it to Jack. No matter how many good times they’d shared, all Ty could think about was how it had ended. Jack took a breath and placed all three posters into the bag. He scratched the back of his head and looked around the emptied patio. The last employees had headed toward the exit doors with 23

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their souvenirs in hand. They said goodnight to the boss just as the heavy steel door closed. With the garbage removed, the stadium employees turned off the televisions and quickly followed. “You’re not disappointed that I asked you to come up here, are you?” “No, it’s cool. It’s flattering.” The grounds crew finished prepping the field for the night. Ty half-watched them, hoping for something of interest to pop into his mind and continue the conversation or find a way to end it and leave. Jack nodded. “You know,” he said at last. “I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately. I found a couple of our mutual friends online, but never asked about what you were up to these days or where you were living. I wanted to, but…I didn’t.” Ty’s mouth went dry. He continued to stare at the three men dragging the field while interns picked up tennis balls that were thrown out nightly for a contest by the fans. Bright green balls dotted the infield, the majority centered around the pitcher’s mound where the target had been set up. The stadium lights illuminated the empty seats and vacant concourse. Rain scented the air and the fine mist that had started in the last inning returned. It looked worse in the lights than it felt. Jack came up behind him. “It was raining the last time I saw you,” he mumbled. Ty’s jaw tightened. He sure as hell didn’t need a reminder. That memory was permanently stamped in his head. Now it felt as though it had started to rot in his stomach. “Then you should probably get going before it starts to pour,” he said. “They said the Doppler shows some pretty severe weather heading our way.” 24

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“That wasn’t quite what I was getting at, Ty.” He swallowed. “I just don’t want anyone to get stuck in something like that. It was pretty ugly. On the Doppler,” he added. Jack stood in silence for several moments. He wasn’t going to just let it go and be on his way, that much Ty knew for sure. “I know this isn’t the place, I just wanted to…catch up, I guess.” The bag rustled and Ty watched Jack from the corner of his eye as he carried it toward the elevator. Maybe he was going to let it go. Maybe Ty didn’t know him at all. “Thanks for signing the poster. Maybe I’ll catch another game while I’m in town.” “Yeah, let me know.” He paused, not sure if he wanted it to end this easily. He needed something more, had a taste in the back of his mouth he couldn’t quite identify. “I can add you to my will call list.” Jack looked surprised by the offer. “I might just take you up on that. It’s been a while since I’ve followed any team consistently. This is a great park.” “Our season’s almost over, but I guess you have next year if you’re staying in Chicago.” “I haven’t decided where I want to be yet,” he answered. “I see you and London Perez are still close. We had a chance to catch up a little during the third inning. She looks fantastic.” He nodded. “Yeah, she’s a regular here.” “I won’t keep you.” Jack held the door open and Ty turned to follow him down to the main level. They made small talk as they waited for the elevator, which seemed to take forever despite the empty ballpark, and stood across from one another. What should have been a comfortable space seemed too far apart, like he was purposely trying to stay away from Jack. 25

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The door opened and Jack blocked the entrance, his massive frame looming in the center. He stared at Ty and frowned. “There’s a hell of a lot I want to say to you,” he murmured. His gaze dropped to Ty’s feet. “A hell of a lot I should have said a long time ago.” Ty’s heart thudded. He did nothing more than stand, stare, and remember to breathe. “Ty—” “Excuse me, but we need to lock these doors up,” Julie from the front office hollered from the double glass doors. “Stadium rules. All ticket holders need to exit an hour after the game unless there’s a post game show. Sorry.” Jack whirled around and stepped off the elevator. He turned, looked Ty dead in the eye, and disappeared out the doors without saying another word. He practically stumbled off the elevator and made his way toward Julie, who was flipping her name tag around in circles as she waited for him to get the hell out so she could lock the door and go home. “Good game,” she said. There was not a drop of sincerity in her voice, but it sounded better than “have a great night.” Ticket holders had to be out an hour after the game or any post game show. When the hell did that start? He crossed to the parking lot, wondering what kind of show there would have been in the elevator if there hadn’t been stadium rules. “Forget it,” he said under his breath. It wasn’t worth knowing. For once in life he had his career and a relationship and this wasn’t going to screw that up. Rain fell in a fine mist, the rumble of thunder off in the distance. He unlocked his car door and remembered he’d left his 26

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duffle bag in the locker room along with his street clothes and all chance of taking a shower before he drove home. “Goddamn it.”

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CHAPTER 3

Ty threw off his uniform and showered, then played an hour of mindless Rock Band before his eyes felt gritty and he screwed up too many times to count. He turned off the game system, trudged up to bed, and realized he’d fallen asleep only when he heard the front door open and close. “I’m soaked. I can’t believe how hard it rained,” Jae said, his voice a little drunk and loud. “I can’t believe how fast you sucked down three hot dogs.” “What? They were getting wet.” London snorted. “You could have carried them up to the concourse like everyone else, dumbass. That has to be the gayest thing I’ve ever seen.” London burst into giggles and Jae shushed her. 28

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Ty sighed. The two of them together were one hot, delinquent mess. “Go to bed,” Jae replied. “I’ll tell Ty the good news in the morning. No sense in getting him up now.” Like he could sleep with two loud-mouths stomping up the stairs. “I’m exhausted. Thank God this is Landro’s weekend to work. I’m not getting up until noon. You better not be off to jog at six in the morning, you hear me? That’s just not normal. “ “Go. To. Bed.” He gave her an exaggerated kiss before he practically fell into the bathroom. Ty could hear the muffled buzz from Jae’s electric toothbrush, then Jae gargle and turn on the sink faucet. Jae shut off the hall light and padded into the bedroom, where he stumbled through the dark. The hush of damp clothes hitting the floor was the only indicator of where he stood—and an irritation to Ty. The man had been in the bathroom two seconds ago. Seriously? He couldn’t undress in there and put the dirty clothes in the hamper. “So the Dragons won?” Ty asked. Jae sucked in a breath. He fumbled with the blinds, allowing just enough light into the room for Ty to see his silhouette. “Goddamn, you’re awake.” Ty turned onto his left side and grunted, watching as Jae stretched his arms above his head. “You two are loud.” The bed creaked as Jae crawled in and curled up beside Ty. Hot, bare arms, torso, and legs pressed against him. “Three to one. We’re in.” “How long did it take to get there?” Jae’s warm breaths tickled Ty’s face and neck, sending goose bumps up his arms. “Forty-three minutes.” He flipped onto his 29

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back and wiggled around until he found a comfortable spot. “No decision, I guess.” “Damn.” “I know. I think she drove slower on purpose once we were close to Silver Cross Field.” He chuckled to himself. “Though as consolation she did buy me a hot dog.” “So she felt sorry for you.” “Maybe. Still got a hot dog out of it, even if it was a pity wiener.” Jae moved once again, turning back onto his side to face Ty. He could just make out Jae’s features in the darkness, white teeth and the whites of his eyes. “How was your big, private autograph signing?” “Three posters from a guy I knew out of college.” He tried to play it off, but even as the words left his mouth he knew he was just trying to convince himself. The whole drive home he’d gone over their conversation, dissecting what Jack had said and fixating on what he hadn’t. Everything from how far apart they’d stood to the expression on Jack’s face suddenly had to have significant meaning. “You went to school around here?” “No, we were out in Ohio. He just started a business here.” “Small world, huh?” Ty didn’t reply. Jae leaned over and kissed him on the lips before he flopped onto the opposite side of the bed. “Don’t let it go to your head.” His voice was muffled from his face smashed into his pillow. “What?” “Your adoring fans.” Ty closed his eyes and moved closer, resting his hand on Jae’s 30

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naked hip. His skin was warm to the touch, begging to be explored and discovered in the darkness. Despite being exhausted, touching Jae had stirred Ty awake. In silence he nuzzled the back of Jae’s neck, kissing his strong shoulder and running his lips along his upper arm until the man grunted in response. Ty ran his fingers over Jae’s nipples and through the hair on his chest, following it down to his abdomen. He traced over muscles, along the hollow of his belly button and the definition of his hip where he lingered. They could touch and kiss until morning, but he wasn’t in the mood for slow, sensual sex. He wanted it. Now. “You are insatiable,” Jae said. “That’s a big word for a guy who plays third base.” “Oh yeah? If you like that, I’ve got some more ten-dollar words stashed away.” “I’m more the visual type. I heard you wolfed down three hot dogs at the ballpark.” Ty brushed his fingers along Jae’s stomach and against his already stiffening cock. Instinctively he moved forward, pressing his hard dick into Jae’s round ass cheeks. God, he wanted to fuck him worse than he could possibly imagine. Jae reached back, cupping Ty’s butt and pushing him in closer, letting him know exactly what he wanted. “Does that turn you on?” “What do you think?” He breathed hard against Jae’s flesh, his cock painfully hard. Ty sucked on Jae’s earlobe and caressed his chest and stomach, memorizing his body in the darkness. He couldn’t keep his hands from wandering farther down and cupping Jae’s heavy sac and long, hard penis. He reached for the lube on the nightstand, but Jae had already grabbed it. Ty took it from him and squirted cool gel into his palm 31

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while Jae fondled his dick and balls through his shorts, keeping him hard. He closed his eyes and groaned as Jae stroked him, jerking his stiff cock near the tip. In the darkness, he circled his fingers around Jae’s hole and heard him draw in a ragged breath. He gently prodded him, teasing him with one finger, then stretching him with a second. He felt the prostate, the hardened, smooth bulge that made Jae’s entire body quiver with need. “What do you want?” Ty whispered. “I want you to fuck me. Now.” Urgently, Jae rolled onto his stomach and tucked his knees underneath him and Ty followed, kneeling behind him. He shoved his shorts down to his thighs, lubed his erection, and slowly eased into Jae. All he could hear was Jae’s rough, quick breaths and the bedsprings giving with their combined weight. Ty leaned over him, pressing into his tight hole as he kissed his way from the base of Jae’s neck down his spine. Jae groaned louder and Ty grabbed him by the right hand, guiding his fist to his cock. Fingers entwined, together they stroked Jae’s thick penis, moving in time with Ty’s hips. He cupped Jae’s balls, playing with them while Jae masturbated harder. He cursed under his breath and groaned louder, encouraging Ty to stroke him deeper, harder than before. Ty sank his teeth into Jae’s shoulder and stifled a growl as he buried himself inside Jae, his every stroke long and deep. Jae suddenly stilled and Ty placed his hand back over Jae’s, wanting to feel him as he climaxed. “Oh, shit,” Jae murmured. His body convulsed, hot sperm 32

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spilling onto their joined hands. “Oh, fuck. Don’t stop.” Ty didn’t. He guided Jae up and down his own cock, feeling him tremble with pleasure. When his breathing slowed, Ty pushed his hips forward one last time and felt the hard, hot pulse of orgasm sweep over him. Together they rested on their sides and Ty pulled out, his body nestled close to Jae’s, his hand on his chest. He ran his thumb back and forth across Jae’s skin, feeling his rapid heartbeat. He kissed the back of his neck and closed his eyes. Neither of them spoke. Neither of them had to say a word. *

*

*

London left a note on her bedroom door threatening to kill anyone stupid enough to wake her up. Stealthy as a cat—and incapable of sleeping past eight—Jae was out of bed to work out and back home, showered, and eating breakfast by the time Ty dragged himself downstairs. “I’m beginning to think you’re not quite human.” Ty yawned. “We go to bed at two and you’re up at eight.” “Seven, actually.” He poured himself another bowl of Cheerios and used half a gallon of milk and at least a cup of sugar. The sugar must have kept him going. “Whatever.” He curled up London’s note and started to throw it in the trash, then imagined her yelling at him for killing the environment and not recycling and put it in a paper grocery bag kept under the sink. “How can you function on five hours of sleep?” Jae shrugged. He played with his phone with one hand while cupping his cereal bowl with the other. “Why do you need eight to 33

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ten?” “Because I’m normal.” Jae smiled and gulped down his cereal. “The bar for normal apparently was lowered without my knowledge. Want some?” He pushed the box of cereal toward Ty, who picked it up and gave it a shake. Empty, of course, aside from the dust that settled at the bottom. “Gee. Thanks.” “There’s more in the pantry.” “I’ll eat later.” Preoccupied with his cell, he nodded. “You should get up early with me one morning and go jogging.” “Why?” He could think of few activities he hated more than running. “Great morning sex.” “I’ll just wait for you to get back and meet you in the shower.” He reached for the newspaper, which Jae had set on the kitchen table next to the mail, and skimmed through it in search of the sports section. “Suit yourself. Are we doing anything tonight after the game?” Jae asked. Ty started to answer but stopped. On the front page of the business section was a color picture of Jack Bowen standing near a brick warehouse with his arms crossed and a huge, almost cheesy smile on his face. He was dressed casually, a nice shirt and khaki pants, with expensive sunglasses perched on his head. About a dozen workers stood behind him, all of them giving a thumbs up as though they loved their jobs a little too much. He stared at the page for a moment and skimmed over the caption, his gaze drawn back to Jack’s tanned face. The warehouse 34

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was a twenty minute drive from the stadium, maybe forty from where he lived. The article said the company had started up in Gary just off Broadway about three months ago, employing a few hundred people. They manufactured seats for all forms of public transportation, including a huge deal with Metra to replace the seats in their trains and some bus company in Springfield. Business was taking off, Jack said. Booming. He hoped to hire a few more people before fall and expand the warehouse, maybe even building a second one somewhere else in the city. Ty swallowed and ignored the steady thump of his heart. He didn’t want to think about him, but turning the page became impossible. Feelings he’d thought had dried up long ago had found enough cracks to seep right back through. He wanted to know what had happened, why Jack had seemed open and receptive and then completely shut him out. “Hey.” London yawned and walked into the kitchen, startling Ty into turning the paper over. On the back page was an ad for Jack’s company, complete with an insert picture of him in a shirt and tie. “Is for horses,” Jae answered. He chuckled at his own joke. She glared at him, obviously not impressed with early morning humor. He had yet to catch on that he was the odd man out when it came to mornings. “If you seriously ate that entire box of cereal, I will kill you. That’s my breakfast for the next two weeks.” “Uh…” Jae rattled the box. “There’s a little more.” “You ate the entire box?” He made a face. “Not all of it. It was open already.” “Yeah, yesterday. You know, sometimes I hate you and your ability to down a box of cereal and stay the same size.” London rolled her eyes, then looked at Ty, who had nothing to occupy 35

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himself now that he’d pushed the paper aside. Jack’s black and white photo stared back at him, daring him to take another look. “What?” he asked, feeling her accusing stare. “What’s wrong with you?” “Nothing.” She eyed him a moment, her gaze flitting between him and the paper as though she knew something was up. “You better recycle that when you’re done.” “I’m done. Anyone else reading it?” Both London and Jae shook their heads. Ty stood, folded the paper, and saw Jack’s image one last time. He looked as confident and charming as ever, the perfect fantasy…on paper. He wanted to remember the humiliation, how he’d left the campus and went on a drinking binge and hoped it would somehow erase all of his feelings, but the numbness he’d hoped for couldn’t quite swallow the pain. All night drinking ended with a bar fight and he’d busted his hand punching some guy he didn’t know. Thinking back to it, he couldn’t remember what had started the fight, just that one of his teammates had dragged him out and taken him back to his car. That was about all he remembered. Sometimes he wondered what happened to the other guy. Confusion turned to explosive anger and Ty wanted to rip the picture to shreds, hating himself for the barrage of emotion that accompanied seeing Jack again. He wanted to know why he’d come to the game, why he’d wanted to see him again. Goddamn it, he wanted to know if Jack had changed his mind. Jae slurped up the rest of his milk from the cereal bowl and scooted his chair back from the table. Ty heard him wash and dry the bowl and spoon before he sat again. 36

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What the fuck am I doing? Ty couldn’t bear to turn around and look at Jae, afraid the cyclone of memories ripping through him would seep through his expression. He wasn’t yet over Jack and admitting that pissed him off. He shouldn’t have wanted him and he knew damn well he didn’t need him in his life, especially not now. Jaw clenched, he crumpled the paper and put it under the sink with the rest of the recyclables. When he turned, he found London staring at him, her eyes slightly narrowed as if she read him in a heartbeat, knew exactly what he was thinking and doing. Avoiding her, he looked at Jae, who was still playing on his phone, which beeped every few seconds with incoming text messages. He was too preoccupied with his cell to notice anything around him. The last few weeks with Jae had been so incredibly easy. He finally had someone in his life who understood the grueling schedule and the demands of trying to pull one’s own weight in independent ball, someone he had enough in common with to have a relationship. All of his adult life he’d wondered if he would ever be with someone who got it, and figured he’d have to wait until he finally retired. Baseball wasn’t forever, but he wasn’t a patient person. “You missed a great game last night,” London said as she rummaged through half a dozen cereal boxes lined up in alphabetical order along the countertop. She ate cereal more than anyone else he’d ever known and took breakfast seriously. Right now she looked ready to snap, crackle, and pop him in the nose. “I heard,” Ty answered. He stared at the tile floor, feeling like a pathetic coward. “You better watch it or I’m going to steal him from you.” She 37

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walked past and poked him in the chest, giving him a hard glare as she took a seat at the table next to Jae.

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CHAPTER 4

Ty and Jae arrived at the stadium to take batting practice and, as was the norm, walked into the pitchers yelling at each other over several card games taking place at once. “This seems unfair, doesn’t it?” Jae asked as they walked through. “We go out for batting practice and they get to sit around and bet sunflower seeds and candy. What I wouldn’t give to be a relief pitcher.” “They would crush you at cards.” Jae slowed his pace. “You are such a downer. What’s up your ass?” “Nothing.” Jae grunted, apparently deciding not to push him any further, which irritated Ty for no reason. He wanted to have Jae question 39

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him a little harder, or ask him what he wanted up his ass. It wasn’t until Ty reached the elevator that he realized Jae had stopped to talk to someone in the hallway. When he looked back, Jae motioned for him to go ahead. The elevator doors closed, and for a half a second Ty could almost swear he could still smell Jack’s cologne in the enclosed space. He took a breath and stared up at the clear plastic grates in the ceiling, wanting Jack out of his head. The noise in the locker room gave him no other choice. He walked in, finding his duffle bag right where he’d left it, and changed into his uniform and cleats before Jae made it down. A birthday party meant thirty kids stood along the left field picnic area and jumped around, asking for autographs and scrambling to catch or dive after a foul ball. Once the main gates opened, fans streamed in and filled the seats slowly, carrying nachos, sodas, and peanuts while vendors called out for cotton candy and ice cold beer. Ty stretched and scanned the stadium, telling himself he wasn’t looking for anything in particular. London sat in the front row a few seats from Doc, her bare feet showing off pink toenails. Landro sat next to her in a polo shirt and khaki shorts with dark, expensive sunglasses shielding his eyes. He shared a foot-long hotdog with London and gave a nod when Jae walked past to sign baseballs, gloves, and hats for kids standing closer to the dugout. Typical for a Saturday game, numerous parties and fan promotions packed the seats even in the outfield. They started the game slow, no score through the first three innings and only two players reaching base. Ty struck out while Jae popped up for an easy out, making their at-bats uneventful. The sun slowly faded behind home plate, the stadium lights 40

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illuminating the field. Twice Ty swore he heard Jack cheering for him, but he couldn’t pinpoint the voice when he glanced into the stands, which was probably for the best. Close plays and a missed call kept both teams from scoring into the top of the forth when the Flyers stole third and Zember walked the next two batters to load the bases, to his frustration. He threw down the rosin bag and gave the ump a dirty look before he set up for the next pitch. “Strike, boy, strike,” Doc hollered. “Do you need the definition? It means don’t let him hit it but get it inside!” Jae looked at Ty from third base and mouthed, “Z’s gonna be pissed when this inning’s over.” Zember’s next pitch just missed hitting the batter, who took a step back and shook his head. Valadez strolled up to the mound to hand deliver the ball and calm down their volatile pitcher. “If he hits Brown, you’re getting nailed,” Ty said as he wandered over and picked rocks out of the brick dust. “He won’t hit him. He’s smarter than that.” Thankfully, the batter grounded out to end the inning, and Zember walked back to the dugout staring a hole through the home plate umpire. He threw down his hat and glove once he reached the dugout and cussed his way back to the clubhouse. Jae went up to bat and shot a line drive in between first and second base. With the batting order changed up, Ott, who was batting fifth now, hit one to center field where it bounced off the wall and advanced Jae to third. Ott, who’d suffered a couple of knee injuries and a sprained ankle, ran like he had a piano on his back but still made it to first standing. McNamee popped up, the wind blowing the ball back onto the field instead of into the stands, which had been his luck over the 41

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last few days. He threw down his bat and left it for the bat boy and walked back to the dugout without saying a word. Ty stepped up to bat just as Zember came back from the clubhouse. He hung half his body over the railing, watching like an animal ready to attack while Ty’s intro music, some classic Led Zeppelin, faded over the speakers. “Come on, Parker. We need a run,” Zember said. The first pitch was way outside and the catcher scrambled to keep it from hitting the net behind them. Ty held up a hand, signaling the players on base to stay where they were. He stepped back into the batter’s box and took a strike right at the knees. A handful of fans groaned and badgered the ump over the call. A select few criticized every play that went against their team. Ty stared down the pitcher, watching as he just barely shook his head, denying the catcher’s signs. He was tall and lanky, his blonde hair sticking out like straw from the back and sides of his hat. Ace Walker was one of the league’s best pitchers with a fastball that averaged around ninety-two. He struggled with control on occasion, normally early in the season, but once he found his groove, he was tough to beat. He could get most batters to chase a ball way outside, turning them into golfers with low, awkward swings. A slow start early in the season kept scouts from looking twice at him, but with a huge fan base back home, he didn’t seem to want to go anywhere. He was the best thing the Flyers had and he knew it. Before Walker released the ball, Ty saw it coming. He wrenched to the side and rocked back on his heels, but the ball hit him in the ribcage, just barely missing his elbow. Stepping off the mound, Walker reached for the rosin bag and gave Ty a narrowed, cocky glare that said, Yeah, you son of a bitch, that was on 42

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purpose. Ty tossed his bat to the ground and looked toward first, but something about Walker gave him a bad taste in his mouth. “What the hell was that for?” he said through his teeth, stalking toward the pitcher’s mound. “An accident,” Walker answered with his shit grin plastered on his face. “Bullshit.” “You want something else from me?” “Yeah, I think I might want to beat the crap out of you.” “Come on over, fag. You ain’t hit for shit all night. Maybe your luck will change if you’re a little closer.” The umpire reached for his shoulder, but he shook him off and continued toward Walker while the crowd egged him on. Walker didn’t back down, his long legs quickly advancing him toward home plate. They met somewhere in the middle, both of them barking at one another, circling like alpha males ready to fight to the death. Ty got in his face and dared him to do it again and Walker responded by shoving him back so hard he almost lost his balance. Anger turned to boiling rage and Ty had no desire to talk. He was going to punch Walker as hard as he could, break his nose, his jaw, whatever he could manage. From the corner of his eye Ty could see the Flyers dugout spill onto the field and knew his team was coming up behind him. He reached for Walker, his hand balled into a fist ready to pound him into the dirt, but something reeled his body back. Players from both teams, managers, and umpires stepped between them, pulling them farther apart. The crowd booed, disappointed that the disagreement didn’t turn into an all-out, 43

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bench-clearing brawl with multiple ejections. “Not worth it,” Jae said in his ear, pinning his arms behind his back and dragging him away. “Don’t get your stupid ass ejected.” “Get off me,” he snapped. The umpire ejected Walker and pointed Ty toward first base, warning him that if said another word he was out as well. “Settle down,” Jae said. Ty twisted hard. “I said get off me.” Jae released him and lingered a moment until Ansen called the players back to the dugout and the game resumed. From first base he could clearly see London in the front row. The Flyers warmed up a new pitcher to replace Walker, giving him several minutes to stand on base and calm down. London sat alone with her arms crossed and a look of annoyance on her face. She never cheered for anything stupid like a fight or a pitcher hitting a batter. If she’d been allowed on the field, she probably would have slapped him and told him to get over it and get on base. “You’re lucky,” Hanes, their first base coach said as he took Ty’s batting helmet and gloves. “You were almost sitting in the clubhouse watching the game from the locker room.” Ty didn’t respond. In all of his years of playing ball—even as far as T-ball, he’d been in one fight and that had been backing up one of his teammates in college. He remembered Jack joking that he could have played hockey with them if he skated better since he could throw a pretty mean punch. But that wasn’t him. He didn’t lose his cool on the field, which had earned him respect from his team of having a clear head and constraint. Right now he didn’t know who he was or what the hell he was doing, but he knew why. 44

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Mueller managed to bloop the ball just into the outfield and Jae easily scored while Ott and Ty advanced. With two men on base, Rohde batted himself into a double play to end the inning. As he walked back to the dugout and realized London wasn’t clapping or making any noise at all, he looked up and found she’d left her seat. In her place sat Jack. *

*

*

Jae shoved Ty’s hat and glove into his chest. “Here.” With a grunt, Ty took his belongings and headed back out to his position, his eyes fixed on the batter walking up to the plate. He swore he could feel Jack watching him, looking him over with the unfair advantage of a spectator. On the first pitch he hit the ball hard toward left and Jae jumped up and managed to tip it with his glove. It dropped behind him and he retrieved it quickly, preventing the batter from getting a double. The next batter hit the ball right to first base and jogged to first for the out before returning to the dugout. The infielders passed the ball around before sending it back to Zember, who went through his usual adjust his hat, adjust his cup, take a step, adjust his cup and then start his wind-up. Over the buzz of the crowd, Ty heard London announce that she’d returned and she would kindly like her seat back. He stole a look from the corner of his eye and saw Jack walk back up the concrete isle. Immediately he regretted pulling his attention away from the game. The next batter swung wildly and just tipped the ball back to the net. If he’d gotten a good hold of it, that could have spelled serious trouble for the defense. 45

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“Two,” Ty said, holding up two fingers to the outfielders before he crouched into fielding position. Zember seemed to pitch better when pissed off and flawlessly struck out the last batter. He stormed off the field and waited for Ty to enter the dugout, his expression giddy with excitement. “That was for you,” he said, hitting Ty in the arm with his fist. “What was for me?” “That amazing, God-like strike out, of course.” Ah, good ol’ Zember. They just didn’t make pitchers as modest and low-key as him anymore. “No one messes with my girl Parker.” “Yeah, thanks.” He put his arm over Ty’s shoulder and attempted to suffocate him briefly. “Way to get Walker thrown out of the game. He’s a fuckin’ pussy anyway. Did you see the way he hit you?” “Yeah.” Ty laughed to himself. “I happened to be standing right there.” Zember didn’t miss a beat. “I’ve seen drag queens shove people better than him. Pathetic loser with weak arms, that’s what he is. Goddamn asshole prick face.” Ty chuckled. “You know you’re cute when you’re angry.” “Something’s got Parker all wound up.” Mueller nodded and pulled off his cap. He ran his fingers through his short, light brown hair and gave a crooked smile. “Good to see you lose it once in a while.” Ty rubbed his hand along the back of his neck and offered a weak smile. His mind wasn’t on the field like it should have been. “Let’s win the damn game and make it worth it.” *

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For the second night in a row at home they managed to pull off another win. Jae, who’d brought in runs all three times at bat, and who had made several key defensive plays, got called up to the press box for a post-game interview on the radio. He was definitely enjoying a hot bat in his last four games and showed no signs of slowing down. Ty headed to the main level as he usually did on firework nights to see if London and now Landro had any post-game plans. A handful of fans came up to tell him he’d had a good game, which he hadn’t, and ask for signatures to programs and hats. In between shaking hands and posing with fans, he looked for Jack. He didn’t want to find him. He hoped he’d left early even though it didn’t quite get him out of Ty’s head. “Zember was intense,” London said once they were alone. “Yeah, he was fired up after those early calls. Strike zone kept shrinking on him.” “Yeah, I guess.” She threw her empty soda cup in the trash and waved as other players wandered onto the concourse to meet waiting girlfriends and wives. “Jae mentioned something about grilling, but I’m not in the mood to sit outside and watch boys play with fire. We’re heading back to Lan’s to watch a movie,” she said before he could ask. Once the music for the fireworks started, the fans either returned to their seats or gathered around the concourse to watch. Jack was nowhere in sight. “Where’s Landro?” London tightly crossed her arms. “Pulling the car around.” She paused and moved in closer to him as the lights dimmed and the fireworks started beyond the outfield. “So Jack Bowen came to the game again tonight.” 47

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“I saw him. Briefly,” he added quickly. “Yeah. He said he was in the area today.” “He just started up some business thing in Gary.” “Uh huh. I saw it in the paper when I went to get my nails done,” she said. Ty nodded, feeling like he’d been caught even though he hadn’t done anything. “So you didn’t know he was coming tonight?” He shook his head. “Why would I?” She shrugged. “He had a lot to say about you.” The explosions behind him grew louder, like bombs going off and the conversation abruptly ended. He turned away from her as another fan and her two young kids sidled up for pictures before they quickly walked away to watch the fireworks. When he turned back to London, she was busy on her phone and he assumed she was texting Landro. Bright flashes illuminated the bleachers in the outfield and Ty turned to watch, needing something to distract himself. He had a lot to say about you. What the hell did that mean? White flashes accompanied loud, resonating explosions. He could feel it resonate through his chest, invisible, painless gunshots pounding inside him. He wished something more happened, something he could feel that would jar him out of his curiosity. “Oooh, aaaah,” Jae mocked as he walked up and stood between Ty and London. “To quote Z, those fireworks shine almost as bright as me.” London pulled his sweaty arm off her shoulder and shook her head. “Sweetheart, that’s a total turnoff for me.” “How about this?” He held up a long olive green envelope with a drawing of a steer in the corner. “Big meat from Joe’s Meat 48

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Block. Good for fifty bucks of moo.” “You got that from being player of the game?” Ty asked. He’d received a fruit basket from Joersma Fruit Stand in Hobart. Talk about being screwed. “Outstanding player of the game, actually.” “Now that is a turn on.” London gave him an airy kiss to the cheek and waved to the two of them. “You boys enjoy your large order of meat. I’ll see you both here tomorrow.” “When did they start handing those out?” He could have sworn Mueller had just received a fruit basket the other day. Jae’s deep blue eyes creased at the edges as he smiled. God, he could just eat him up all day and night when he flashed that sexy as hell grin. “When someone finally deserved it.” “I’ll trade you for fruit.” “Hell no.” He proudly held up the envelope. “I worked hard out there for fifty dollars in polish sausage, New York strip, chicken breasts, and whatever else I can buy.” He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand to catch the perspiration beaded on his forehead. “Did you really get fruit?” “Yep. Whole basket at the start of the season filled with at least ten pounds of apples and pears at the bottom. I’ve never eaten so many pears in my life.” Jae chuckled to himself. “You do realize everyone on the team is going to hate you, don’t you?” “They can kiss my kielbasa.” “Nice.” The fireworks stopped momentarily and Jae gave Ty a long, thoughtful look. He stared at his lips, then met his eye and offered a careful smile in the darkness. They were close enough where 49

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their shoulders almost touched, where he could have reached out and grabbed Jae by the hand while no one was looking, but he didn’t move. The music blared louder than before, followed by a steady explosion of pink, blue, red, and white fireworks showering the night sky. They watched in silence, and as the fans remaining in the stadium cheered for the impressive display, Jae gently squeezed Ty’s shoulder and leaned into him. Instinctively Ty stiffened, afraid someone would see them but not fearful enough to move away. He wanted to turn and kiss Jae full on the mouth and shove him up against the concrete wall. If he’d been brave—or stupid—he would have pinned his hard body with his own and tasted his lips. For years he’d practiced restraint, but being with Jae made it a hell of a lot harder. “Think we can do that better?” Jae whispered. Ty smiled and stared straight ahead as Jae slowly moved away. “Worth a try.” The noise died down and the stadium lights strained to life. Jae looked at his gift certificate again and nodded. “Something tells me you might be up early tomorrow.” “I still can’t believe after a season of fruit baskets you get something like that for player of the game.” “Outstanding player of the game. Get it right.” “Well deserved. You made some outstanding plays today,” someone said over the buzz of the crowd and the announcer reminding the fans of tomorrow’s afternoon game. Ty’s heart stuttered at the sound of the familiar voice. He didn’t have to turn to know it was Jack, but he turned anyway and stared at him, wondering if the flutter in the pit of his stomach was from Jae or Jack. 50

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“Just doing what they pay me for,” Jae replied. Flashing a smile, Jack sidled up beside Jae and shook his hand. “You could use today as an example and tell them to pay you a little more.” “I’ll try that.” Jack offered a quick smile before he turned his attention to Ty and put his large, square hand on his shoulder. “I just wanted to say hello before I took off. Nice fight out there, too, Ty, sort of reminded me of my old hockey days.” He winked and slid his hand from Ty’s shoulder down his arm, stopping at his wrist. “Not much of a fight.” “Smart move not getting yourself ejected. You always did know what to do in a tough place.” Ty offered a humorless smile. “My bat didn’t make much of a difference. Maybe I should have just punched him and watched the rest of the game from the clubhouse.” “Or up in the stands with us.” “Hockey fights trump baseball fights,” Jae interjected. “Unless you’re talking ten-year-olds on the ice.” Jack slowly tore his gaze away from Ty and glanced at Jae with a smug smile. “It was sort of an inside joke between old”—he turned to Ty and looked him over, lingering a moment too long on his mouth—“friends.” Jae ignored the exchange and tucked his gift certificate into his back pocket. “Ah, okay. You’re the autograph guy, right?” “Jack Bowen.” “Nice meeting you.” He turned toward the steel doors leading back into the clubhouse and pulled his hat off. “Maybe we’ll see you at a few more games before our season ends.” Jack nodded and squeezed Ty’s arm, looking at him from the 51

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corner of his eye. “You can count on that.” *

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*

Before Ty could say anything, Jae disappeared from the concourse and down the hallway leading to the stairs. He watched him leave and felt a twinge of disappointment. “Out of fear of being interrupted again,” Jack said, “I’d like to get together somewhere out of the ballpark.” Ty swallowed. Five years ago, he would have dropped everything, but now he had more on his shoulders than Atlas. From May through September he had practically every minute of every day planned for him from getting up, showering, working out, getting on a bus, making it to batting practice, and going to bed at a sensible hour. With only six real days off during the season, he couldn’t just go off and do something random. “Our schedule for the next two weeks is pretty hectic.” “What are you doing tonight?” “Sleeping.” There he was being lame again. Honest, but still lame. Jack frowned but still nodded. “What about tomorrow? It’s an early game, isn’t it?” He had him there. Sunday, though not an off day, was the day he had the most free time in between games. “Yeah. Game starts at two.” “So you’re done around five, I’m assuming?” “Around.” He shrugged. A spark of excitement sneaked up and reminded him of how he’d felt whenever Jack suggested they go out to the bars to play darts or pool. He was horrible at both, but he went because Jack was there. 52

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“Perfect.” With a smile, Jack handed him his business card. “Just in time for dinner. I’ll be here tomorrow, but in case you think of some place good, give me a call or text me tonight. It doesn’t matter the hour. I want to hear from you.” Ty stared at the card, hungry for answers but afraid of what he might find out about himself. Like a drug Jack tempted him, threatened to take control and drive him wild just as he’d done back in college. He’d craved being around Jack, couldn’t wait to hear the sound of his voice or his footsteps tromping up the stairs. Everything about him had made Ty’s heart beat a little faster, his mouth salivate for something he’d never experienced. And now he was pretty sure he could have him. “What do you—what do you want, Jack?” He turned and started to walk away, leaving Ty alone on the concourse. With a cocky spring to his step, he looked over his shoulder and grinned. “I’m kind of hoping we might want the same thing, Ty.”

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CHAPTER 5

The parking lot was vacant by the time Ty showered and walked out the back entrance, duffle bag in tow, and found Jae sitting against the wall with his eyes closed and legs crossed. He studied him a moment, thinking he looked like a statue deep in mediation. “Finally.” One blue eye popped open. “You and Chatty Cathy have a nice reunion?” Weariness threatened to drag him down and he couldn’t quite read Jae’s tone. “Fantastic. Best conversation ever.” “Good. Let’s get the hell out of here.” Jae stood and brushed off his shorts. Road travel had finally caught up with Ty and by the looks of Jae he could probably fall asleep standing up. Even the short drive home sounded 54

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unappealing. Ty looked out into the lot across the street where his car sat alone. It amazed him how fast six thousand people could clear the stadium, leaving behind only a couple of empty popcorn buckets and a hot dog wrapper or two. “Do we have plans for tomorrow post game?” Jae asked as he practically collapsed into the passenger seat. The car purred to life and Ty shook his head. “Not that I’m aware of. Why?” Jae waited until they pulled out of the lot and onto the street heading to the expressway before he answered. “I was thinking we could go out and do something.” Ty turned and looked at him. “Like what?” “Go out,” he answered. He placed his hand on Ty’s knee. “Together. Alone.” Ty clutched the steering wheel tighter than before and he swallowed. With their season in full swing and travel packed in with back to back games, the most they’d done was watch sports or movies on the couch or grill with London and Landro. “Like a date?” Ty asked. “Yeah.” He hesitated. “I guess.” The thought made him smile. Doing something other than baseball or a movie sounded like a nice break from the norm. He needed a night out—they both did. “Where are you taking me?” “Whatever you can afford.” Ty nodded. “Cheap son of a bitch.” Jae’s fingers slowly made their way up Ty’s inner thigh. “At least I’m easy.” “Yeah, you are.” “I was thinking maybe we could take the train up to Michigan 55

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and Randolph and head up to Navy Pier for the evening.” Visions of the Ferris wheel illuminated at night and the city lights glowing at dusk filled his mind. He’d been there only a handful of times and always with London or a couple of guys from the team off chasing skirts. Ty nodded. “Yeah.” They pulled into the pitch black driveway and walked toward the front of the house. All the lights were off, and Ty fumbled with his house key. As he finally turned the key, Jae snaked his hands around his waist and kissed the side of his neck. Hot breaths tickled his flesh, sending a rush through his body that tingled all the way up his spine. “Just know that tomorrow I’m going to think about being with you all day and all night.” He cupped the back of Ty’s neck. “And how much I want to do this to you whenever I see you.” Ty turned his face, meeting Jae for a soft, sensual kiss. They stood tangled in the darkness, the cool air from the closed house greeting them with a wide open door. He ran his fingers through Jae’s damp hair and breathed in the scent of his body wash, imagining what it would be like if they could show their affection in public and not have people stare at them—or worse. On a busy Sunday night, there was no telling who might see them. Three teams in their league played within an hour of the city and the chances of someone recognizing them was too high. One cell phone picture hitting the Internet could stir up trouble. He wanted to believe his own teammates wouldn’t give a shit what he did, but he didn’t know for sure. But now they were alone in the shadows, protected by darkness. He could hear a car a street over start up and their wine 56

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enthusiast neighbors several houses down enjoying a late evening on their deck with friends. No one knew they were there, holding one another, so close it made every nerve in his body ache to be closer. Together they stumbled through the doorway and Jae managed to kick it shut. Grabbing Ty by the shoulders, he pushed him up against the wall and kissed him harder. For a long moment he breathed against Ty’s face, his quivering lips grazing his chin. Ty ran his fingers up and down Jae’s shoulders and back, wanting to touch every inch of his hard body. “You have me completely turned on,” Jae said, his voice a low, harsh whisper. “But I am so fucking tired right now I just want to dive into bed.” Ty chuckled. “That’s just about the sexiest thing you’ve ever said.” His eyes felt like they were coated in dust and grit and he wondered why exhaustion bore down like a freight train, barreling into him. Together they headed up the stairs in the dark, feeling their way to their room. Ty wrestled out of his clothes, opting to sleep in his boxers while his jeans and shirt lay pooled on the floor. Jae did the same and crawled into bed next to him, reaching for Ty’s hand. “I might just sleep in tomorrow.” “Good. You’re finally becoming normal, at least by house standards.” Ty felt Jae kiss the back of his hand, and he smiled, enjoying the comfort and unexpected tenderness. Through weary eyes he studied him one last time, thinking there was no better image to see before he fell asleep than Jae with him. *

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Jae wiped his face with the back of his hand and grimaced. “I think we might be able to swim there. Damn, it’s humid.” They loaded up the car with their duffle bags and waited outside for the air conditioning to cool the boiling hot car—not that being outside made much of a difference. At nine in the morning the temperature had already climbed to eighty-three while humidity lingered around seventy percent, making for a miserable August day. The forecast called for a midday temperature of ninety-six, which sounded horrible enough, but the heat index warned of temperatures over a hundred. “It’ll be worse at game time.” Jae opened his car door. “Great.” “We’ve been lucky so far this year. Last season most every home game was like this.” Ty sat in the driver’s seat and fastened his seat belt. Cool air blasted from the vents and he sat back for a moment, enjoying the sensation. In two hours they would be standing on the field taking batting practice in sweltering heat while the crowd sat beneath umbrellas and fanned themselves. “At least it should be nicer by the lake, wouldn’t you think?” Jae asked. The ninth inning couldn’t come fast enough. Ty couldn’t wait to shower, change into his regular clothes, and spend an evening out with Jae. “Yeah, much cooler.” They drove to the stadium and went through their pre-game work out, the manager’s speech, and batting practice as usual, sucking down cup after cup of water and Gatorade. Fans trickled in thanks to a beach towel giveaway for the first two thousand through the gates and immediately the umbrellas went up. Players weren’t as fortunate. No one was at the top of their game when the sun beat down hard and the air was so thick it made 58

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it hard to breathe. While Ty stretched along the foul line in left field, Jae went out to center field to talk to some of the players he knew from the Flyers. Once he stood, his shirt was soaked with sweat and his face dripping. By the time the National Anthem had been sung and they were ready for the first pitch, only about a third of the stadium was filled. Ty expected with the heat that London would either show up late or not at all, but to his surprise she sauntered in just as the game started. She had on his road jersey, the one he’d worn last season when he’d hit .400 just before the All Star break, his highest average in his pro career and by far the highest on the team. When she saw him looking, she pointed at the jersey with her thumbs and nodded as if she’d brought a little luck with her to the ballpark. “Where’s your fan club today, Parker?” Ott asked as he spit out sunflowers seeds. “I gave them the day off.” Ott smirked. “Are you taking the day off, too?” “Nah, half day for me.” Jack was noticeably absent from the game. With a tight, frustrating game, Ty stopped wondering if he would show up after the third inning and never looked into the stands to search for him. He figured Jack would have sat close to London given all the empty seats and she sat alone, aside from a couple of season ticket holders who always sat down the row from her. The game dragged on in a long pitcher’s duel where batters were stranded at base every inning. Ground balls, sacrifice flies, and balls that managed to drop in the outfield resulted in no score up until the eighth inning when their reliever ran out of gas and gave up a double that scored a run for the Flyers. 59

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In the bottom of the eighth they answered back with a walk that ended up scoring the tying run thanks to an error by their shortstop, a steal, and a wild pitch. “Of course,” Ty muttered under his breath as the ninth inning turned into a tenth and then an eleventh inning with no score. He stood with his cap off and fanned himself in the shade while Valadez stood in the batter’s box looking as though he might just fall over. Only the diehards bothered to stay through the extra innings, even though the sun had started to set and shade replaced a sun-drenched stadium. With one hit and no one on base, Jae came up to bat in the bottom of the twelfth inning. “Let’s end this, Wise,” McNamee shouted. Patient as always, Jae protected the plate and made the pitcher come to him. He refused to chase anything outside and had the count at 3-0. The crowd stood on their feet and clapped while Jae stood in and foul tipped the next pitch. “Come on,” Ty said under his breath. He’d been hot for the last few games and had managed to get on base, but they hadn’t capitalized. Ty swung at the next pitch and nailed it, the crack of the bat echoing through the stadium. It had some height on it and Ty took a step toward the dugout entrance, watching, waiting to see if it had enough power behind it to make it over the fence. The ball hit the top of the wall and the team found renewed life. While the stadium siren blared, the team poured onto the field and bombarded Jae as he ran the bases and stepped on home plate. “Holy hell you spanked that!” Cogan shouted while the players took turns patting Jae on the helmet and fist bumping him all the way to the dugout. 60

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“Yeah,” Jae yelled back. “I want to get the hell out of here and go home.” The locker room sounded as though they’d just won the World Series and Ansen let them leave for the night without a big postgame speech. Everyone showered and bounded out of the club house still grinning and congratulating Jae for the game-winning walk off homer. “You’re showing off,” Ty said as they walked back to the car. London had stayed only briefly, giving Jae a big hug before she disappeared to spend time with Landro. “Someone had to get it over with.” He chuckled and climbed in, neither one of them willing to wait for the air to kick in after five hours of being outside in the heat. “Don’t be a hater.” “I suppose this means I have to buy dinner now to celebrate your game winning homer.” Jae shook his head. “There are some other ways I figured we could celebrate.” Ty immediately felt his balls ache in response. “Oh yeah? What do you have in mind?” “I’ll tell you when we’re there.” They drove home, dropped off their equipment and drove into the city with the sun almost set. The Ferris wheel lights greeted them from Lake Shore Drive as they approached Navy Pier and parked in the garage. With no one around, Jae leaned over and kissed him before they left the car. He squeezed Ty’s knee, his breathing harder than usual, his deep blue eyes fierce and filled with desire. “Sometimes you just make it difficult for me to stay far from you,” he whispered. They kissed again, a long, soft kiss that left Ty groaning for 61

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more. He caressed Jae’s rough cheek and followed his strong jawline down to his neck. It left him breathless, his insides tightly wound with every touch. Suddenly Jae pulled back and smiled, seemingly satisfied by how he left Ty barely able to breathe. “Let’s go.” Ty blinked. “Now?” With a wide grin, Jae threw open the door. “We have a night off and you want to just sit in the car?” Ty locked the door and followed him out into the many shops and the food court, which they bypassed. They made their way through the crowd, past giddy children and their weary parents and flocks of girls in tight clothes and low cut tops. Packs of blondes and brunettes sipping drinks and waiting in line for the booze cruise flirted and stared as they passed. He did nothing more than follow behind Jae as they walked the pier. White ships loaded passengers for a nighttime sightseeing tour and dinner cruises. They passed Harry Carey’s and a stage with a band neither of them recognized and walked to the end of the dock where it was quieter and couples held hands, looking out onto the lake. The air smelled like roasted peanuts, beer, and popcorn, the familiar scents of summer. They stood side by side, the daytime heat replaced by a cool, comfortable breeze. Waves crashed unseen below and for a moment Ty closed his eyes, breathing in the night air and feeling the heat of Jae’s body close to his. “All this week I’ve been wondering how I ended up here,” Jae said. Ty opened his eyes and looked at him. “Ended up where? With the Arsenals?” 62

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He nodded. “I wonder why I ended up getting signed with the team and getting picked to room with you.” Ty shrugged. “You got signed because you’re probably one of the best, if not the top hitter, in the league. I don’t see how you were given irrevocable waivers.” Jae offered a quick, crooked smile. “I was hoping for something more mystic than that.” “Like the universe drew us together for the benefit of human kind?” “Not that deep.” Jae leaned forward, bending over the railing. He peered down into the dark water, then slowly turned toward Ty. “I’ve never dated a teammate.” “Me neither.” “You’re a hard secret to keep, Ty.” Ty found himself staring at Jae’s lips. He knew what Jae meant, the familiar ache he felt whenever they were close to one another in a crowded room or on the field. He wanted to be closer to him, hearing his deep voice, seeing his wide smile and deep blue eyes, and touching him. Without a word he leaned into him until their shoulders touched and together they watched the lights from several boats on the lake twinkle in the night. Most of the people that had been around them had gravitated toward the stage where the band was playing Beatles cover songs. “I can’t imagine anything more perfect,” Ty whispered, “than right now.” “Not even a game winning grand slam in the bottom of the ninth?” Ty grunted. “Overrated.” They turned, both leaning toward each other. Jae paused, his 63

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eyes searching Ty’s face. Before he could draw back, Ty grabbed him by the back of the head and kissed him quickly on the mouth. For a long moment they stared at one another. Ty felt breathless, his heart pounding as he suppressed a tremble of excitement. It was risky, maybe stupid, but all he could think of was that Jae was worth it. Jae smiled back. “Let’s grab a bite.” They walked the pier and ate famous Billy Goat Tavern and Grill cheeseborgers for dinner while they admired the night view of the city and people watching. “Let’s do one last thing and split,” Jae suggested. Ty nodded in agreement and they walked back toward the Ferris wheel where Jae bought two tickets and they stood in a long line of people listening to a recorded message play three times through before it was finally their turn. The Ferris wheel ran continuously, the forty cars slowly carrying passengers one hundred and fifty feet into the air for one of the best views of the city. While they stood in line, Jae took out his cell phone and checked his text messages while Ty watched some people dance like idiots on a passing booze cruise. His phone vibrated in his back pocket and he pulled it out, his brow furrowed. Do you know what I want to do? “I’m a foot and a half away from you,” he said as he looked over the message. He read it in silence and peered at Jae. “So you expect me to text you back, don’t you?” He smiled. “Up to you.” With a sigh, Ty messaged him back with a question mark and waited for Jae’s phone to light up. Possessing two of the fastest thumbs Ty had ever witnessed, Jae punched in a message and 64

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stood waiting for his reply to buzz through. He watched Ty intently, the twinkle in his dark blue eyes making Ty skeptical. The phone in his end vibrated and he brought up the message. I want to go down on you. Ty’s eyebrows shot into his hairline and he looked up at Jae, whose expression had not changed. Here? He replied. Jae’s phone lit up again, and within seconds Ty’s buzzed. Up there. Ty stared at the message. The line inched forward. Two more people on and they would be next. His cock ached in anticipation, his heart thumping at the thought of Jae sucking his dick a hundred feet off the ground, in the middle of one of the busiest attractions in the city. His phone vibrated again and he retrieved the next message. We have seven minutes. Ty slid his phone into his pocket as the hostess motioned them into a waiting car. They boarded quickly, sitting across from one another until they were safely off the ground and out of sight from the people in line. “Unzip your pants,” Jae instructed as he sank to his knees. Ty leaned back and did as he was told just as Jae moved his hand aside and reached for his already growing dick. He spread his legs wider, groaning as Jae began to stroke him with his fist, then ran his hot, wet tongue along the side from the base to the tip. It took all of his strength to keep from screaming out. Ty rose from his seat, his hands balled into fists as he looked down at Jae, then out at the city’s unforgettable skyline. The boardwalk was in front of him, boats dotting the lakefront almost all the way to the museum campus in the east. 65

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“God, you’re nice and hard,” Jae said. He wrapped his lips around the head and groaned, the sound vibrating through Ty, sending a flash of toe-curling pleasure up his spine. He ran his fingers through Jae’s hair and groaned louder, his breaths ragged, the fear and thrill of being caught making him dizzy with need and trepidation. People in the gondola above them laughed and took pictures of the pier and the city and his excitement built further with each bright flash. They were so close but couldn’t see them, not even a mere fifteen feet away. He wondered what they would have done, if they would have stared or looked the other way. Ty sank lower in his seat, his head resting against the clear plastic safety guard that prevented people from throwing things out of the gondolas. His eyes threatened to roll back in his head but he forced them open and looked down his body, watching as Jae sucked him all the way down to his balls. Slowly they went higher, the city spreading out before him. Jae put his hands on Ty’s knees and thrust his cock in and out of his mouth as they left the pier below and climbed into the night sky. Speaking became impossible and all Ty could manage was a grunt. Blue eyes flashed up to meet his just as Jae kissed the head of his penis, the swollen top twitching against his lips. Jae ran his tongue along the head of Ty’s dick, the heat of his mouth and the view overwhelming. He stole another look at the city bustling with people out for the weekend and grabbed a fistful of Jae’s dark hair, guiding him deeper. Jae reached around him, steadying himself as he sucked him harder, faster than before. Ty’s hips rocked in response, the gondola swaying just enough for Ty to grit his teeth and close his eyes. They were at the highest point, a hundred and fifty feet above the ground. Here, where no one could 66

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see them, he pushed his hips up and let out a long, low hiss through his teeth. His body tightened and Jae slowed his pace, drawing out the moment as long as he could. Ty lingered on the brink, tormented in the best way possible. The Ferris wheel slowly crept around, and just as they started to descend, Jae pumped him hard several times in a row and the sensation became more than Ty could handle. With his balls tight and his legs trembling, he gripped Jae’s shoulders and cursed under his breath, feeling the hard, paralyzing waves of pleasure take over. He spasmed and Jae groaned, swallowing every last drop of him. While Ty sat back and closed his eyes for a moment, Jae zipped up his pants and took his seat on the opposite side. “Nice view up there,” he said as he sat with his hands behind his head. “What did you see?” Ty asked. The people in the car ahead of them jumped off the Ferris wheel and never looked back. “You,” Jae answered. The ride attendant opened the exit door and Jae hopped out, followed closely by Ty. He was surprised he had feeling in his legs. He could feel his dick pressing against his pants and quickly adjusted himself. “Are we ready to head back?” Ty asked hoarsely. Jae nodded and placed his hand in the middle of his back. “This time I get to drive.”

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CHAPTER 6

Ty woke to a crash of thunder and the sound of rain on the window. The room was dark, the air conditioning set so low that getting out from under the covers seemed like torture, especially with Jae beside him. “The field’s gonna be crap.” Jae groaned. “If we play.” “When have we missed a game?” Ty rolled over. “Two years ago when the entire area flooded, the playoffs were postponed for a week and a half.” Another loud boom rattled the walls and Jae sat up. His hair still showed signs of Ty running his fingers through it as they drove home from the city and then as they’d made out in the car, in the garage, on the couch, and finally in bed. They’d spent most of 68

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the night awake kissing, touching, making love, and talking until the clock read four in the morning. “You’re not jogging in the rain, are you?” Ty asked. “Not in this kind of rain.” Ty sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Let’s get breakfast.” “Can’t.” Ty furrowed his brow. If there was one thing Jae never missed, it was breakfast. “Why not?” Jae stood and stretched, lifting his arms above his head. Ty couldn’t help but let his eyes wander down the perfect body he’d enjoyed all night from his hard chest to his flat stomach and strong, well-defined hips. “I have that speech thing to do at ten.” Ty blinked. He was almost positive this was the first he’d heard of it. “Speech?” With a frown, Jae nodded. “Motivational thing. Coach asked me a few days ago if I would go down to Cherry Hill and talk to the kids for an hour about playing ball.” He was familiar with Cherry Hill from previous seasons where a rep from the center brought a handful of high risk teens out to the ballpark a few times a year and also had one or two guys from the team come to their classroom and try to encourage the students to finish their education and not do anything stupid. Disappointment lingered, but Ty laid back and placed his hands behind his head, admiring Jae as he stood in front of the window for a moment and watched the storm. “I guess I’ll see you at the stadium then.” “Yeah. I’m going to bring some DVDs. We might be sitting through a two-hour rain delay if this keeps up the rest of the morning.” 69

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He gathered his clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. Taking advantage of an empty house, Ty turned over and closed his eyes. An hour later, with another crash of thunder, he woke to find himself alone. He stared at the ceiling, debating whether or not he wanted breakfast or lunch. Once he showered and made his way to the kitchen, nothing looked good. Chinese sounded decent, or at least something he hadn’t eaten in a while, and he rummaged through the drawer London had stuffed with take-out menus until he found the Lucky Dragon. While her pet peeve was recycling, he could have killed her for the way she jammed menus into the drawer. At one point he’d had all of them in alphabetical order and had considered a binder, but she refused to live in a house where take-out menus were worthy of a binder. Being alone for once, he sat on the couch and flipped through television channels while he waited to grab his order. He watched bits and pieces of the news, sports, a movie he didn’t recognize, and a soap opera, which seemed like good time management considering he had twenty minutes to wait. The rain refused to relent as he drove and discovered the wiper blades needed to be changed badly. Always packed for lunchtime, he parked on the other end of the strip mall and jogged to the front entrance where plastic dragons painted mint green greeted him. It was a gaudy overload of Chinese inspired artwork and statues. The same music played over and over on a loop that he swore consisted of only three songs that sounded exactly the same. With only one person at the counter, a petite and frustrated younger woman with pin straight black hair and an expression that never changed, he waited another twenty minutes to get order. “You’re late,” she said once he gave her his name. “It’s 70

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probably cold.” He shrugged, not bothering to point out that he’d arrived on time and had to wait for people to check their orders before leaving the counter. “That’s a lot of food. Just you eating today?” “Not unless you want some.” The slightest smile cracked her stone expression. “Thanks, but I prefer pizza.” It had been so long since he’d eaten there that he’d forgotten she completely lacked a smile as well as tact. He guessed her parents, who were second-generation citizens, forced their emo daughter to work the counter while she attended college classes at night. “Well, you could always order delivery,” he said as she handed him his change, which he dumped into her tip jar. She didn’t quite deserve it, but he had no desire to put twenty-two cents into his pocket and end up washing it anyway. “I’ve done that before. Doesn’t go over well.” She pointed toward the end of the counter. “Sweet and sour and soy sauce. You know the drill.” “I do. Thanks.” He turned, the smell of fried rice calling his name. Two individually wrapped fortune cookies had been stapled to the bag and one was close to falling off. Before he could grab it, his movement wriggled it loose and it fell to the ground where a man in a dark business suit and dark sunglasses stepped on it. With his phone pressed to his ear, the guy didn’t even notice. “Well, that can’t be good luck.” Ty looked up from the cookie’s remains to find Jack standing in front of him with a wad of cash in hand. 71

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“What are you doing here?” he asked. Something about his slate gray button-down shirt, spiky hair, and trousers made him look more like a stranger. Ty couldn’t remember ever seeing him wear anything other than jeans, shorts, and casual shirts. Jack offered his easy, familiar smile. “Same thing you’re doing here. My office manager said this place has the best Chinese food, so we’re starting off Monday with her suggestion.” “She’d be right.” Jack glanced at the bag in Ty’s hand. “What did you get?” “Egg rolls and chicken fried rice.” He shrugged. “Nothing big.” “Sounds good.” “What did you get?” “No clue. Linda ordered and I volunteered to run out in the rain.” The woman at the counter flagged Jack down and shouted that his order wasn’t ready yet. “Twenty minutes!” she shouted. He made a face. “That’s what she told me over the phone. I bet they forgot to place my order.” He shrugged it off and turned his attention back to Ty. “So, sorry about yesterday. Got caught up with some paperwork and just couldn’t escape from the office.” It took him a moment to remember they’d ever had plans, especially given the night he’d shared with Jae. By the time they walked off the Ferris wheel he felt lucky to remember his own name. “It wasn’t a big deal. I had some stuff going on anyhow.” Jack looked him over, apparently undeterred by Ty blowing it off. “What about now? You have to be on the field in what? Three hours?” “Something like that.” “Why don’t you stop by for lunch? I could show you our new 72

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warehouse and offices.” Ty hesitated, the plastic bag wound around his fingers suddenly cutting off circulation. “It’s just lunch,” Jack tempted. Ty nodded. He could go home and eat alone or he could hang out with Jack for an hour or two. “I’ll follow you there.” “How far do you live from here?” “Five minutes.” “I could just drive back to your place and have you drop off your car. No sense in taking two vehicles all the way to Gary and back.” “But then you have to drive me back.” “I’ll drop you off at the stadium, visit a couple of clients, and stay for the game.” It sounded perfect, just as he expected from anything coming out of Jack’s mouth. Ty took out his phone and looked at the time. It was just before noon and he didn’t have to be to the stadium until three, possibly four if he just wanted to take a lap around the warning track and hit a few balls. The girl at the counter yelled to Jack that his food was ready and hauled out four plastic bags ready to burst. He nodded toward the door and Ty followed, holding it open as they walked out into the rain. He jogged down to his car and pulled around to where Jack sat idling in a brand new black Lexus. Damn, he must have been doing well for himself with a car like that. Just as he’d suggested, Jack followed him home and Ty left his car on the driveway. He nearly forgot his food in the passenger seat and ended up soaked by the time he opened the door and sat beside Jack. The pleasant smell of a new car, Chinese food, and Jack’s 73

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familiar scent greeted him. “Nice car,” he said as he buckled his seat belt. With zero knowledge of car makes or models, he hoped Jack didn’t want to strike up a conversation about transmissions, alternators, and oil. “Thanks. I’m not used to driving something so low. I have an Escalade at the office I prefer, but it was too far back in the lot and I didn’t want to run to it in the rain.” “Ah.” He had no idea who made an Escalade or what it looked like. Jack started to put the car into reverse and paused. He stared straight ahead at the wipers slashing left and right, giving glimpses of the garage door and Ty’s car before the constant rain washed the view away. He let out a long, soft sigh and his hands slid from the steering wheel to his lap. Immediately Ty tensed and leaned toward the door. “I need to tell you something that’s been rotting in my head since college.” Jack’s voice was so low Ty almost didn’t hear him over the splatter of rain, the wipers on the windshield, and the air conditioning pumping full blast. He sat in silence, his gaze fixed on the dashboard and Jack’s lanyard hanging from the rearview mirror. It spun, dancing in the breeze created by the vents, and became the most fascinating thing in the car. “When you kissed me,” he said. “The moment you looked at me, I just knew.” Ty swallowed, afraid of what he had to say. “You knew what?” He wanted to know so badly it hurt inside his chest. Everything about that day had become a knot he couldn’t unravel, something lodged deep inside of him that lingered. For months he’d walked through his daily life like a zombie and wondered what the hell 74

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he’d done wrong. “I knew why I wanted to spend so much time with you.” Ty closed his eyes and held his breath, hoping to steady his pounding heart. Emotions he’d managed to ignore bubbled up, reminding him of how it had felt to put all of his hopes into one rejected kiss. He could almost swear he could feel Jack’s hands on his chest, shoving him into the wall. “I got divorced this spring,” he continued, “from a wonderful, compassionate, beautiful woman. Her name is Kathy and she blessed me with the most perfect little girl whom I may never see again.” Ty found himself staring at Jack, unable to speak. He had no knowledge of his life in between college and now, no indication of where the conversation was headed. “She moved to Tennessee last I heard but I can’t seem to find her. I don’t blame her, I guess, but it doesn’t mean I have to accept it.” “I’m sorry,” Ty said at last. “It’s my own fault, nothing to be sorry about.” He spread his legs a little wider and pursed his lips. “She caught me one day watching some, uh, videos of these guys together on the computer in my home office. I didn’t hear her coming down the stairs this time or I would have turned it off. I’ll never forget the look on her face, the complete surprise and anger.” Ty shuddered. He knew that look; Jack had given it to him. “And you know what? I was relieved when she started screaming at me, telling me I was a cocksucker and a fag for watching one guy take it up the ass by his friends. I wanted to tell her she was right, I was a cocksucker and I was happier on my knees sucking dick than licking pussy.” 75

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“Why are you telling me this?” Jack rubbed his forehead with his left hand. “Because when you left that day, I didn’t know it was permanently. You scared the shit out of me, Ty. Since I was six I’ve always known I wanted the boys more than I ever cared for girls, but that kiss? That kiss made it too real. Everything I was trying not to be, you made me.” Ty gritted his teeth and reached for the door. “I made you gay? Fuck you. I didn’t make you shit.” Jack grabbed him by the arm before he could leave. “Get your goddamn hand off me,” he said through his teeth. “You meant everything to me,” Jack said. Ty froze, wondering where those words had been years ago when he needed to hear them. He wanted to ignore him, turn and leave and never look back, but he wasn’t that kind of person. Time hadn’t made him stronger, it had left him just as vulnerable as the day he’d been rejected. “Don’t say that,” he muttered. “Why did you leave?” Ty shot him a hardened glance. “Why would I have stayed?” Jack closed his eyes and nodded. “I wish I had a chance to explain.” “You could have called me, dropped me an email…if it was so important to you.” “Ty, I know you’re angry.” “I’m not angry,” he growled. Anger would have meant he cared, but he refused to invest emotion. He couldn’t do it, couldn’t get involved on any level. “I know there’s something left between the two of us. The moment I saw you again, I could just feel it. Everything I was wrong about, I want to make it up to you.” 76

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He shook his head, but Jack reached out and touched his cheek with the back of his hand. “Just listen to me, Ty, please. Whenever I’m with you, I know who I am and what I want. When you’re gone, it feels like some part of me disappears. I want to feel whole again, that feeling I haven’t had since I saw you last. We were perfect together, Ty, you just realized it earlier than I did.” “Stop it, Jack.” “I lost everything to be with you.” He brushed Jack’s hand away. “This isn’t about me.” “Ty—” “I’m with someone,” he blurted out. Jack went silent for a moment but came back smiling. “Who? Another baseball player?” “That’s none of your goddamn business.” Jack grunted. “Look at what we could have together. Nice cars, a nice house…what do you make a month? Seven hundred? Eight hundred? I know it’s not much at this level. Hell, we make four or five times that in an hour sometimes depending on the job.” He rambled on in a way that made Ty increasingly uncomfortable. “I don’t want to talk about that,” Ty said under his breath. Jack ignored him. “Imagine what we could have together, the two of us living here. Everything would be taken care of from the bills to your car. You could play as long as you wanted, vacation wherever you want to go. Eat out, stay in, hire a chef…I don’t care. We can keep everything under wraps. I promise you. Ty, just tell me you want this as much as I do.” Ty pushed the door open and placed one foot on hard, wet cement. “I have to go.” Jack grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him back in, 77

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sending his bag of hot food flying. He stepped on it, steaming hot rice splattering along the inside of his leg. He started to speak, wanting to tell Jack that this was it, their friendship had ended years ago and he wanted nothing from him, but before he could move, Jack’s lips were on his mouth. Jack kissed him hard, grabbing his face with both hands. Body twisted, Ty gave in for only a moment, remembering how he’d taken a chance. He’d wanted this so badly, gone through every possible scenario of living together. In his head they’d been perfect for one another, mutually in love. But this wasn’t the same and he knew it. He struggled, trying to right himself from the uncomfortable position. He finally caught his foot on the carpet and managed to pull away, sitting upright and out of breath. “I’m sorry,” Jack breathed. He cupped the back of Ty’s head, his fingers caught in his hair. “Please, don’t walk away from me. Ty, I love you. I’ve always been in love with you. I can’t even tell you how long I’ve waited to finally say it.” Wild, unfamiliar eyes stared back at him for a long moment. Pain lingered, but desperation clouded his eyes. He had a glazed look, like he’d been drinking or suddenly overcome by emotion. “I’m an asshole.” His voice cracked. “But I want a chance.” His words trailed off as he looked past Ty, who turned, looking over his shoulder at Jae. His shirt and pants were soaked, his hair stuck to his forehead. Dark blue eyes looked back and forth from Jack to Ty as confusion set in. Rice and egg rolls lay scattered on the pavement and all over Ty’s shoes. He gave Jack one last, angry look before he climbed out of the car and slammed the door. 78

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“You’re home,” he said, squinting in the rain. He wiped the taste of Jack’s mouth off his lips with the back of his hand and looked up. Jae was staring at the mess slowly being washed away. “So he’s just a friend?” Jae asked, making no attempt to block the pouring rain. Ty’s lips parted. “Yes.” When Jae didn’t respond, Ty exhaled. “He was at the same place I was picking up food.” “So how’d you end up in his car?” Ty’s shoulders dropped. “Do you think I’m lying?” “I’m just trying to figure out what happened when I left.” “We were going over to his place and he thought it would be easier if we drove together.” Ty looked away, his hands balled into fists. “And it’s nothing like it sounds.” “Really? You described pretty much what I just saw.” His voice remained calm, but anger lingered in his eyes. “So you do think I’m lying?” “I don’t want to think anything.” Ty’s jaw tightened. “Cut the passive-aggressive shit. We ran into each other at Lucky Dragon, he asked if I wanted to have lunch with him and we were riding together to his office. That’s it.” “And the part where you kissed him?” “He said he still had feelings for me.” Jae’s eyes narrowed. “For his friend?” “Can we go inside? I’m soaked.” “All my stuff’s in the trunk already,” Jae answered. He turned and started back to his car parked on the curb. “My stuff’s still inside,” he shouted. Jae barely bothered to look over his shoulder. “Then I’ll see 79

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you in the club house.” Ty watched him leave, his face burning with anger, his vision blurred by the steady rain. “I’m with someone,” he said under his breath as Jae drove off, unsure if his words were still true.

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CHAPTER 7

They lost their final series game with the Flyers in a yawnworthy six to zero game after an almost two-hour rain delay. The field had the consistency of a sponge, which seemed to suit the Flyers just fine. Dropped fly balls and errors on easy plays scored runs while the Arsenals’ bats went cold. Jae made it on base once, but with a team-wide slump they never capitalized. It was past midnight by the time Ty finally walked out of the locker room and into the parking lot. Without Jae. In the weight room and on the field, Jae had kept a noticeable distance. He made casual conversation with the rest of the team and looked at Ty a few times, but they exchanged few words and he knew what had happened with Jack was an issue. With too many people around, he didn’t have a chance to explain what had 81

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happened, though he wasn’t sure it would have mattered. Once he forced himself to leave the players parking area, he sat for almost an hour in the driveway and stared at the raindrops on the windshield and the way they distorted everything in front of him. “Where’s Jae?” London asked when he walked through the front door. The sound of her voice startled him and he dropped his keys. “He’s not here?” She shook her head. “He said he’d been assigned a host family and was staying there now.” “Who?” “The Sanchez family. You know the lady who always wears something with the flag on it? That’s Mrs. Sanchez. I thought he was joking when he told me.” Ty stared at the floor. He knew the family well since they always made some sort of treat for the team when they left for away games. “What else did he say?” “That you made out with Jack Bowen.” He looked at her, his eyes wide. “He said that?” “No.” She gave him a dirty look. “Lucky guess. Why would you do something like that?” Ty dropped his belongings at the door and dragged his feet toward the kitchen, ignoring her question. He took out a Corona and drank half the bottle without coming up for air. “What happened?” London asked. She’d somehow managed to push aside her judgmental tone and sounded sympathetic. He turned to find her leaning up against the doorway with her arms crossed and her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She’d removed her makeup, a sure sign she had decided to stay in for the night. 82

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“I was sitting in Jack’s car and he kissed me right when Jae came home.” “You were sitting in his car? Why?” “He asked if I wanted to see his warehouse.” “And you agreed?” “Yeah. It didn’t mean anything.” “Oh, really? Your biggest crush didn’t mean anything to you?” “Forget it,” he said under his breath. London sighed. “Tell me. Please.” Ty took a deep breath. “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. He started talking about his family, his ex moving away and taking his daughter, college, how he’d lost everything… I tried to leave and…it was fucked up. He got caught up in the moment and I couldn’t stop him fast enough.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re an idiot. I don’t care how you got to that point or if it wasn’t your fault, but after everything that happened with you two, you’re an idiot for even being around him.” “I told you it just happened. You’ve known me longer than anyone else and you think I’m lying?” He gulped down the rest of his beer, threw the bottle under the sink with the rest of the recyclables, and reached for another one. His hands trembled, but he told himself it was because he was soaked to the bone and cold. “I didn’t say you were a liar, I said you’re an idiot. What did you think he wanted? A little chat about the past and the good old times?” “I didn’t want it to happen,” he said as he popped off the cap and drank as much as he could in one swallow. The alcohol couldn’t take effect fast enough for him. He wanted numbness from head to toe, blinding, mindless drunken stupor until he woke 83

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in the morning and was forced to see Jae again. “But you knew it would, didn’t you? Didn’t you?” she challenged. “I didn’t know what would happen.” “That’s bull. I know what you went through with him.” “Fine,” he said through his teeth. “I wanted to know if I was right.” London stared at his feet. “So you wanted him all over again?” He looked at the half empty bottle and struggled to answer the question. “I wanted him five years ago. That’s the truth.” “And now?” “I had what I wanted.” The words resonated through him and he finished the rest of his beer, then tossed it with the other empty bottle. Again he opened the fridge and pulled out another one, drinking it down as he wandered toward the sink and stared at the window at darkness. He needed something to preoccupy his mind for a while, but he couldn’t focus. His stomach churned, but he ignored it and finished the rest of his drink, discarded the container, and went back to the fridge. He finished the fourth bottle without thinking about it and set it on the counter. It wasn’t enough to satisfy him. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get to that point, but he sure as hell felt like trying. The moment he reached for another bottle, London grabbed it out of his hand and put it back on the shelf. “You’re not getting shit faced and feeling sorry for yourself,” she snapped. He glared at her and reached back inside the fridge, but stopped before he touched the cold glass bottle. “You’re going to stop me?” he asked with a humorless laugh. “Half of my paycheck pays for 84

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everything in there. Get out of my way, London.” “I’ll kick you in the nuts if you start with me. You’re done.” He met her determined eye and wondered why he cared what she said. Without thinking, he pulled her arm away, his strength no match for her petite size. He used more force than he should have and sent her reeling back, almost into the wall, but she came back at him and hit him in the chest with her fist. It hurt, but not nearly as much as the look on her face, the fight in her eyes as she waited for him to shove her again. “You want to be like your dad and end up living with your face in the toilet, Tyler? You want to throw everything you have away? Then move out and do it. This is my house, too, and I’m not living with that.” Her words stunned him and he froze, looking at her in horror. He’d never pushed a woman before, never once laid hands on anyone, least of all London. Finally he backed off and the door closed on its own. They stood in silence, his mind a fuzzy mess. She hadn’t called him by his first name since they were in junior high, possibly earlier than that, and she’d never mentioned his dad. It was one of those things they knew too well but never spoke about, and now it came back as ammunition. Ashamed, he stared at the floor and exhaled. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Don’t be. We both know I can kick your ass.” She offered a forced, uncomfortable smile and he turned away, taking a seat at the kitchen table. The room seemed smaller than before, tilting left and right instead of a straight, even plain. Drinking fast was catching up to him and he regretted it. With too many alcoholics on the family tree, he knew he shouldn’t have even started. Make 85

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that two things he regretted. The hum of the refrigerator and the buzz of the television in the next room kept him company. With his back to the doorway, he was certain London had left him to sulk by himself. He cradled his head in his hands and closed his eyes, wishing he could sleep, wishing being by himself didn’t feel like being all alone. He wanted to punch the wall or throw something, but he didn’t have it in him. It was rare that he raised his voice and unheard of that he burst into anger, but he wondered if that’s what he needed. Maybe he needed to spiral out of control for a while and hit the ground hard, jarring himself out of this slump. “I’m going to bed,” London announced. She stood in the doorway and he wasn’t so sure she’d moved. He nodded blankly, feeling awkward and slow. “Are you going to make it up the stairs?” “I’m fine.” “You drank half a dozen beers in a matter of ten minutes.” “I said I’m fine.” He looked away from her, angry and frustrated with himself. Without arguing, she turned and walked out of the kitchen and padded up the stairs. The hallway went dark and she opened and shut her bedroom door. Once he found his feet, he walked up the stairs, feeling the unfamiliar sway of alcohol attempting to pull him back and forth. He walked past his bedroom door and tapped on London’s closed door. “If you think you’re getting lucky, go jerk off in your room.” He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the cool wooden surface. “That’s not why I’m standing here.” She pulled the door open and he stumbled forward, surprised she let him in. 86

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“If you puke in my room, I will kill you.” “I’m fine.” She flipped on the light and looked at him, her hands on her hips. Almost immediately her expression softened and she plopped down on her bed. “You look miserable. Binge drinking does nothing for you.” “What did he say?” “Who? Jae?” He nodded. “Not much, just that his host family seemed disappointed when he didn’t stay with them.” With how he’d been playing, they probably were a little disappointed that the best player in the league wasn’t utilizing their spare room. “So he moved out?” “That’s something you need to ask him, not me.” Ty walked out of her room and into his own, surprised at how it didn’t seem changed. Jae’s suitcase still sat in the closet along with most of his clothes. He took a breath, closed the door, and lay down on the mattress without bothering to change his clothes. *

*

*

Ty woke with a start to the sound of the dishwasher and sat up in bed. He groaned and pressed his fingers to his forehead, his stomach gurgling as the contents threatening to revolt. It took all of his strength to stand and walk out into the hallway where he heard Jae and London talking. His heart pounded and he sighed in relief. Finally, after a night of tossing and turning, he had a chance to talk to him. As fast as he 87

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could manage, he walked into the bathroom and brushed his teeth, trying to rid his mouth of the moss that seemed to be growing over his tongue. The mouthwash tasted stronger than he ever remembered, the scent almost more than he could handle. He almost stumbled down the stairs, his legs wobbly, his head still clouded. Once he reached the living room, he peered into the kitchen where he could see London leaning against the counter with her arms crossed. She saw him from the corner of her eye but didn’t acknowledge him with anything more than a smile. “Hey,” Ty said as he walked in and looked directly toward Jae. Instead he found Landro standing by the fridge, his face taut with frustration. He looked at Ty, obviously startled to see him, and nodded. “Mr. Parker,” he said. “How’s the game going?” “Dead in the water.” “You’ll come out of it.” He offered a smile and looked back to London. “I’ll talk to you later. I need to get back to work.” “Yep.” She stared at a glass of orange juice in her right hand. “So should I call you later?” “You can do whatever you want.” He looked at her for a long moment before he shook his head and let himself out of the house. “What was that all about?” Ty asked. “Something I don’t want to get into right now.” She finished her juice and put her glass in the sink. “You look like hell. And you reek like stale beer.” “Thanks.” “I’m just sayin’. Jae came by early this morning. That boy doesn’t sleep, I swear.” For a moment he held his breath. “He was here? When?” “It must have been six. I called in for a half day and he was 88

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walking up to the porch when I went out to get the mail from yesterday.” The microwave clock showed it was past ten. By now he was back at his new place, showered, and probably being forced to eat homemade enchiladas and tacos. “What did he say?” “He gave me his key and asked about coming by to get the rest of his stuff.” That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “He could have come in and gotten it now.” “He said he was jogging.” London exhaled. “I told him I’d put his stuff in my car and he could get it after the game tonight. It’s not like he had much.” Great. Then he could completely avoid conversation and make things even more awkward and uncomfortable. They could play the last few weeks and the playoffs like they didn’t know one another and day by day maybe his soul would wither and turn into dust. Not that he was being overly dramatic and feeling sorry for himself or anything. The toaster popped out an English muffin and he watched as London slathered it with honey butter and took a careful bite. The thought of food made him want to wretch. “He’s not mad,” she said as she moved to the kitchen table. He turned a chair around and straddled it, resting his folded arms on the back. “Then what is he?” She looked at him and cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t want to be in the middle of your big, gay drama production. Maybe you should get off your ass and call him,” she snapped. “Why are you all pissed off at me?” “I’m not.” “Then what’s with the attitude?” 89

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She stood and finished her breakfast while putting her plate in the sink. “From the moment I saw Jack, I knew exactly what would happen. I can’t think of one person you’ve been with since I’ve known you that made you even half as happy as Jae and you screw it all up.” She turned away from him and grabbed her purse from the counter. “You and I have a lot in common, Ty. We’re masters of fucking up something good.” He stared at the table and frowned. “At least we’re good at something.” The warmth of her arms around his neck made him close his eyes and reach for her hand. She smelled girly and safe, the familiar scent he knew all too well. As much as he wanted to ask her what had happened between her and Landro, he didn’t want to ruin the silence. He had a feeling she wouldn’t tell him anyway. “Ty,” she said at last. “Hmmm?” “Call Jae.” She kissed him on the cheek, then stood and squeezed his shoulders. He looked up at her and saw her smile. “Even if he doesn’t want to move in for you, tell him I miss him.” “Are you calling Landro?” It took her a moment to answer. “Yeah. I don’t feel like buying another pack of batteries.” He stood and grunted. “You always have to add a little extra.” “You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if I didn’t.” *

*

*

Either Jae had turned his cell phone off or he rejected the calls on the first ring. Every time Ty tried him, he got voice mail and refused to leave a message. With more than an hour before he had 90

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to show up to the stadium, he stopped trying and decided to go for a jog. He hated running with a passion, but since he was already miserable, he figured he’d add to it. Two blocks into it, he remembered why he hated jogging. The sidewalks were uneven, cars barely stopped as he crossed the street, and some jackass let their terrorist dachshunds out to look for blood. Two wiener dogs chased him for almost the entire length of the block before they spotted a UPS truck and took off in the other direction. He stopped at the corner and watched them bound off, his hands on his hips. “Little bastards,” he muttered. Stupid jogging in the stupid suburbs filled with stupid people and their stupid, mean little dogs. His iPod turned off by itself since he hadn’t charged it, and he groaned, frustrated that yet something else had gone wrong. Removing his earphones, he started across the street when the screech of tires and blare of a horn froze him in place. Not five feet away, a dark blue car sat idle, the heat from the engine rising up. The sensation made Ty step back and blink. Jae stared at him from the driver’s side of a Chevy sedan. Their eyes met, and once Jae registered who he’d almost killed, the horror on his face turned to familiar acceptance, then hardened and blank as he apparently remembered how he now felt. Ty didn’t move. He looked at him for a moment before settling his gaze on the hood of the car. The initial heart-pounding feeling he had whenever he looked at Jae had vanished. “Go ahead,” Jae said. He unrolled the window and motioned Ty across. Ty started across the street, stopping just in front of his car. Hands in fists, he stepped to the passenger side and bent, peering through the open window. “I’m done jogging. This sucks and I 91

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don’t know why you voluntarily do this every morning.” Jae looked him over, his expression failing at staying hard and uncaring. He unlocked the door and moved his stuff to the back seat. “Do you need a ride back to your place?” “Do you mind?” His lips parted, but he looked the other way. “I’d rather you weren’t hit by a car. Ansen would have a hell of a time finding someone to play shortstop with an hour’s notice.” Ty opened the car door and sat next to Jae, wondering how someone he cared for so deeply could now seem like a stranger. They turned the corner, neither of them speaking, and Ty felt his opportunity slowly fading away. He turned to face Jae, who didn’t acknowledge him. “Can we talk?” he asked. “Go ahead. Talk all you want.” All morning long he’d practiced what he’d wanted to say, but nothing seemed right. Slumped over in his seat, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I was in love with him,” Ty said. He watched Jae closely, noticed the slight twitch of his lips and the way his eyes narrowed. “He was the first.” The car jolted forward, but Jae didn’t say a word. “Jack and I spent every day together when we were in college. We studied together, went to the gym, bars, restaurants, everything you could possibly do, we did. Well, other than sleep together. I spent every waking hour with him and all night just thinking about how much I wanted to wake up and do it all over again.” Ty paused, remembering how his entire schedule revolved around Jack. “We went to school for three years before I decided to confess how I felt about him. I had everything planned and knew with all the time we spent together he felt the same. So I found him 92

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alone and I…I kissed him. And suddenly I found out he didn’t feel the same.” “So you tried again,” Jae said under his breath. “No, I left school and never went back. I didn’t think I’d ever see him again until he showed up here and everything I thought I’d gotten over came back. I’ve wondered for years where I went wrong, why I was so sure he was the one for me and he shared my feelings. Three years of convincing myself we had something and we didn’t. I went through hell wanting him and when he showed up, it was like I had validation for all those years. I wasn’t wrong, he was the one. He was supposed to be the one.” “So you got what you wanted.” They sat in the driveway, the remains of the Chinese food stuck to the pavement. “I don’t want him.” Jae grunted. “That’s a shame. He seems to be trying really hard for you.” “I’m being honest with you.” Ty forced himself to continue, hoping to find something cathartic in the moment when all he felt was confusion. “I didn’t want a relationship with him, I didn’t want some casual fuck buddy or one-night stand. I don’t want him. He started talking about his ex-wife and their daughter and all of these things I didn’t want to hear. He reminded me of all the reasons why it didn’t work out and then…it happened. I should have left, but I didn’t. Maybe I did want something out of him, some kind of explanation for why he pushed me away. When I was with him, it was like I accepted being who I was because I thought he felt the same. I don’t know what else to say. It was stupid.” “I don’t need an explanation.” “Then what do you want?” 93

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Jae exhaled. “Maybe we should have just kept it as casual so no one got hurt.” Ty stared at the dashboard and swallowed. He forced himself to nod even though he was almost certain he couldn’t hurt any more inside. He wanted to feel Jae’s arms around him, their lips together, their bodies touching. He wanted so much more than a casual relationship with no commitment, no one to come home to or go out with after games or in the off season. He wanted Jae worse than he’d ever wanted anyone else. “So then what are we?” he blurted out. It took a moment for Jae to answer and Ty sat in silence, hoping for Jae to suggest starting over again. “We’re teammates,” Jae said. “I’ve got to get going. I’ll see you on the field.” Ty looked at him for the first time since they’d pulled into the driveway. Those blue eyes he’d fallen for had lost their allure. Jae looked at him with indifference, like he was just another person on the street, and Ty knew he’d been shut out. He opened the door and climbed out without saying another word. When he reached the front door, he could still hear Jae’s car sitting idle, but he didn’t turn around, afraid he might see Jae’s harsh expression. He stood just inside the front door and stared at the wall until he heard the mailman walk up the stairs and leave magazines and credit card applications in the mailbox. By then it had stopped raining and the sun had come out, though Ty had no recollection of time passing. When he finally walked upstairs to grab his stuff, his back hurt from standing in the same position. For the first time in his life he hated going to the clubhouse and getting ready for the game. He hated the sunken feeling 94

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overwhelming his senses, the numbness that froze everything inside of him. He hated that while everyone else could watch the game and play on the field and sense nothing out of place, he felt as though too many pieces were missing. And the biggest one would be standing less than ninety feet away the whole night. Maybe Jae was right…they should have kept it casual. “Did you talk to him?” London asked after the game as she waited for him by his car beneath the parking lot lights. He’d emerged from his slump—at least on the field—but felt more like he was doing his job than being a player. “Yeah.” She frowned. “And?” “It’s over.” London’s eyes widened. “What do you mean it’s over?” “He’s done,” Ty answered. He threw his bag on the passenger seat and had no desire to pick it up again. The game he loved now seemed like a form of torture. Too much of his heart had become tangled on and off the field and separating the two seemed impossible. “Ty,” London whispered. He shook her hand off his shoulder and looked at the brick façade and stadium lights. The excitement he’d always felt driving up to the ballpark had faded. “And I am, too.” “Don’t say that.” “It’s not my choice.” She stepped in front of him and forced him to meet her determined eye. They’d always pushed each other a little further in everything from exams to job searching and he knew she wasn’t about to let him walk away. “So that’s it? You’re not even going to try?” 95

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“What do you want me to do?” “Do you know why I come to every game?” He stared at her. For years she’d sarcastically explained she showed up for cheap beer and guys in tight pants, but he knew that wasn’t the real answer. “Because I know when you’re out there, you’re giving everything you’ve got. No one will ever question why Ansen picked you as team captain, not even when you hit a slump. You don’t quit. You keep yourself together on and off the field and everyone knows it.” He turned away from her. As much as he loved playing, the expectations suddenly seemed overwhelming. He never minded setting the bar a little higher, but now he wasn’t sure what he was reaching for. London stabbed him in the chest with her index finger and immediately garnered his full attention. “Don’t you dare give up,” she said through her teeth. He looked from her to the stadium and took a deep breath, wondering if losing so much of himself would make him feel like an amputee. This wasn’t a game, this was part of him—and so was Jae. “I’m trying,” he said at last, knowing there was no need to separate Jae from baseball. He wanted both. London finally let up. She gave him a tight but brief hug before walking around to the passenger side and moving his stuff to the backseat. “Let’s go,” she said.

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GABRINA GARZA Gabrina Garza is a Latina romance writer who lives in the Chicagoland Area. She’s dedicated to bringing readers fun, exciting stories with characters women (and men) can relate to. When not writing, she’s actively involved in animal rescue and donates portions of her royalties to rescue efforts. Her “pack” includes two children, five cats, and currently eight dogs (relax, she fosters abused and abandoned dogs)—plus one husband who is more trouble than the rest of them combined. She’d tell you she’s also a secret ninja with laser beams for eyes and kick-ass six-inch vinyl boots, but she’d be lying about the ninja part. You should visit her immediately because her website promises all the virtual cookies you can eat. Her books are fat free and made with 100% natural ingredients and should therefore be consumed monthly in a literary sort of way. Her long-term goal is to take over the world and eliminate all forms of reality television. Until then, please save a life, spay and neuter! Check out her website for all you never wanted to know: www.gabrina.com.

Don’t miss the sequel to Caught Looking— Fielder’s Choice Available December 2010 from Amber Allure!

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