Collingsworth

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg

M ICHAEL waited for the gatekeeper to unlock and swing the wide, scrolled gate aside. He had walked from the small town to the boarding school as a scholarship day-student every day since moving to Collingsworth from Boston after his parents’ death from influenza when he was twelve. Nearly six years later, he was starting his last year of school, nearing the end of his residence with his mother’s indifferent cousin, and facing an uncertain future. Educated as a gentleman in the finer points of etiquette needed for a society to which he would never be admitted, and with no money to continue his education, he weighed his limited options. Thinking of the military career that likely awaited, he didn’t notice that the gatekeeper had unlocked the gate and was waiting for him to pass through. “Good morning Mr. Taylor,” the gatekeeper said loudly, a smile hidden beneath his large mustache. “A bit sleepy, are we this morning?” “What? Oh, yes. A bit distracted, I think. Thank you.” Michael ducked through the gate and followed the winding path through the light mist to the school and morning assembly. Walking into the large hall for the Morning Prayer and announcements, he smelled the familiar scents of lemon furniture polish, old wood, leather-bound books, and damp wool. He sat in the back of the hall and watched his fellow students talking excitedly in small groups, catching each other up on what they had done on 2

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg summer holiday. None of them approached him, but it was something that he was used to. Barely tolerated by the majority of the student body, the day-students received little notice other than open scorn. Any positive attention they received was for their value in sneaking contraband into the school. Since Michael had refused to participate, he was largely ignored. Michael watched his fellow students, unconsciously keeping his eye out for a particular head of wavy hair the color of corn silk. He watched two fifth year men walking shoulder-to-shoulder discreetly grasp each other’s fingers in spite of the regular lectures that they received about the dangers of special friendships. Even as a daystudent he saw his fellow students sneak off in pairs only to return with their navy and maroon school ties askew and their cheeks flushed. Living a sheltered life, he knew few details about what went on in those furtive encounters in empty classrooms and closets but knew instinctively that they were different than what he craved. His fellow classmates looked only for physical release; they would go on to marry and have wives and mistresses, the dark fumbling of their childhood forgotten. Michael longed for companionship, for one special friend. In the dark silence of his room at night, he allowed himself to think of spending long evenings reading with his special friend, of intimate hugs with their bodies pressed together. Imagining the smell of his friend’s neck and the feel of a raspy cheek against his, he barely dared to think of their lips pressed together as he spent into the old handkerchief that he kept hidden for those nights when he couldn’t suppress his body’s desires. He averted his eyes from his own reflection in the mirror as he washed the handkerchief out in his shaving water in the morning. 3

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg His mind was brought back to the present when he saw a flash of blond hair in a group of students passing his chair. David Bennington was everything that Michael was not: gregarious, popular, well-off, destined for Harvard and a respectable career as a barrister. Michael’s cheeks pinked, realizing that he had just been thinking of pressing his body against his handsome classmate’s. Afraid that David would know his thoughts by simply looking at him, he lowered his eyes to his lap and willed his body’s reaction away before embarrassing himself. David and his friends sat a short distance from Michael, allowing him a clear view of the man who unknowingly starred in Michael’s fantasies. The chaplain’s voice was a pleasant drone as Michael lost himself in his examination of David’s blond hair, imagining running his hands through those waves and wondered if it would be soft or coarse, if it would smell of macassar oil or the outdoors. The chaplain’s voice had faded, only to be replaced by the headmaster’s baritone with neither Michael’s notice nor “amen.” His attention only turned to the headmaster’s voice when he heard a murmur spreading through the assembled students. The announcement of the masked Christmas ball and the dance lessons that all of the men would have to endure, while causing much excitement among his classmates, only caused his own heart to sink. The annual influx of the perfumed and powdered creatures from the neighboring St. Anne’s was to be endured, not celebrated. The first of their dance lessons was to be held the following day after the last class and would be led by their music instructor, Dr. Kennedy. Michael waited until his study period, slipped from the library, and walked softly over the dark hardwood floors to the choir room to attempt to gain permission to avoid the dance lessons. The small choir was practicing for vespers when Michael pushed the heavy oak door open. Seeing David standing in the last row, he was able to 4

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg pick out his clear tenor among the rest of the voices, and passed the time until Dr. Kennedy dismissed the choir watching David’s animated face, his blue eyes, the pink of his cheeks. Barely able to maintain a decorous walk on the way to the relative freedom of their lunch period, the choir filed from the room as Michael stood and approached the music professor. “Dr. Kennedy, may I have a word?” “Yes, of course, Mr. Taylor. Sit, please.” “Thank you, sir. I would like to request your permission to miss the dance lessons and the ball.” Uncomfortable speaking to any of the professors, he could feel the heat in his face as he spoke. “Do you have a physical ailment, Mr. Taylor?” Dr. Kennedy moved behind his desk and sat, resting his elbows on the blotter. “No, sir.” Michael paused, unwilling and unable to say that he had no desire to go to the ball with the girls of St. Anne’s but unsure what excuse he could give. “Well, sir, it’s just that, well you know that I’m a day-student, and on scholarship. I don’t think that I’ll have the opportunity to dance after leaving Collingsworth, and your time could be better spent on the men who will use what they learn.” “Nonsense. Every gentleman must learn to dance.” He waved his hand dismissively. Michael thought quickly for another plausible reason. “Sir, I’ve grown out of my formal wear, and my cousin won’t buy me another set.” Dr. Kennedy examined the threadbare jacket, the obviously turned collar, and shoes that no amount of polish would make respectable again. “Attend the dance lessons and we’ll figure out proper attire before the ball.” 5

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg Michael sighed, knowing that he was defeated. “Yes, sir. I’ll be there.” His only consolation was that this would be the last ball that he would have to attend.

* * *

THE following afternoon found the upper classmen in the ballroom, the choir accompanist at the grand piano, and Dr. Kennedy trying to talk over the din of excited adolescent voices. “Gentlemen. Gentlemen! Please sort yourself in pairs according to height. As we have no young ladies present it will make it easier to switch leads. Hurry, now.” To Michael’s horror, he almost found himself paired with David, but at the last minute he slid in place next to another sixth year, Joseph Bishop. “Taylor, isn’t it?” “Yes, and you’re Bishop?” Joseph had started at Collingsworth several months before the end of their fifth year and the two had never spoken. Michael was saved from further conversation when Dr. Kennedy clapped his hands. “Gentlemen, for today’s lesson one of each pair will play the part of the young lady and the roles will be reversed at tomorrow’s lesson. Gentlemen, you will hold your young lady’s right hand like so.” The couples had sorted themselves into their genders for the afternoon and were busy molding themselves into the positions described by Dr. Kennedy. Having agreed to be the “young lady” for the afternoon, Michael stood with his left hand resting on Joseph’s muscular shoulder and his right clasped loosely in his partner’s left. He tried to pay attention to the instructions given by Dr. Kennedy, but he found himself distracted by Joseph’s closeness and the similarity of 6

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg their position to his fantasies about David. Dr. Kennedy stopped weaving between couples to correct position or step and moved to the piano. “Gentlemen, let’s attempt an entire waltz, beginning to end.” He knocked on the piano for the accompanist to begin. Both men were athletic and moved easily through the steps of the waltz as Joseph led Michael toward the edge of the dance floor, away from the clumsier of their classmates, and pulled him a bit closer as they grew comfortable with the other’s movements. “A bit ironic, don’t you think Taylor?” His mind filled with the delicious heat of Joseph’s body, the sight of David dancing a few feet away, and the fear of the discovery of his erection, Michael couldn’t process David’s question. “I’m sorry, Bishop, what did you ask?” “Don’t you think that it’s all a bit ironic? The school lectures us against special friendships, expels men who are caught with each other and yet forces us to dance in each other’s arms.” Michael’s step faltered at the daring mention of the very thoughts that had consumed him from the minute that he felt Joseph’s hand in his. He caught his step easily but didn’t know if it was safe to respond, as the merest whisper of suspicion was enough to be brought in front of the headmaster to face possible expulsion. Without a powerful family behind him, he was more likely to be expelled than most of his classmates and he needed to graduate if he hoped to be an officer. When Michael didn’t respond, Joseph continued, “You must miss a lot being a day-student, but their lectures are completely useless. Don’t believe that it’s only the students either. More than one professor has been sent away in disgrace, and there are more who 7

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg have never been caught.” Michael listened, unable to believe that his classmate was so bold. “I don’t believe this conversation is entirely proper, Bishop.” “What fun is there in being proper?” Joseph leaned in until their chests pressed together and Michael could feel warm breath against his ear. “The English classroom is empty. Come with me and we can be improper together.” Horrified, Michael was saved from answering by Dr. Kennedy. “Decorum, Mr. Bishop. That’s all for today, men. Back tomorrow at the same time.”

* * *

THE walk home that evening passed in fevered thought. Michael was puzzled by his own body’s reaction to Bishop’s unwelcome request, by the feel of a warm masculine body against his, by the almost unbearable yearning he felt when he looked at David. He had had the chance to spend the afternoon in David’s arms and he had allowed it to slip through his fingers, knowing that he would have disgraced himself entirely. The butler met him in the foyer when he finally reached the house he had called home for six years. “The family are in Boston, shopping. Would you like a tray in your room or would you prefer the dining room?” He handed his coat to the butler, choking down the bitterness toward his cousin and his family. His cousin never let him forget that he was there only because of the family’s generosity, and his wife held him out to her friends as evidence of her philanthropy. They took regular shopping trips to Boston and New York while he had his 8

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg collars turned and had to accept charity from the professors for proper evening wear for the masked ball. “A tray in my room, please.” Lost in his thoughts of school and family, he didn’t see the pity in the butler’s eyes as he turned to go. He crossed the opulent carpet in the foyer, up the stairs, and through progressively smaller hallways before reaching his spartan room. Sitting at his desk, he pulled his Latin homework from his case but was still staring at it, unseeing, when his tray arrived half an hour later. After a quiet evening in his room, Michael slept fitfully, dreaming of David, bodies pressed together, and the feel of a stubbled cheek under his lips. He awoke in the morning to find that his body had reacted to the visions in his dreams and was embarrassed by the stickiness in his night clothes. Michael’s day began as all of his days at Collingsworth had, until a small first year ran up to him after assembly with a note. It was the first such note he had received in his tenure at the school and it was printed on thick paper with his name in flowing script. Opening the envelope, he found that it was an invitation to meet Dr. Kennedy in the music room over the lunch hour. While this might be his first message, he knew that invitations from the professors were not to be refused. Sitting through his morning classes, Michael avoided being called on or participating in discussions, unable to think about anything other than the reason for his summons. Before it was time for his appointment he worked himself into a state of alarm, convincing himself that he was about to be expelled for crimes against nature or at the very least receive a formal reprimand for his behavior with Bishop during yesterday’s dance lesson. Standing outside of the door at the appointed time, he took a deep breath before knocking lightly. 9

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg His heart beating rapidly, he opened the door and walked to Dr. Kennedy’s untidy desk. “Mr. Taylor, please have a seat. Tea?” “No, sir. I couldn’t.” His throat was so dry that he was having difficulty swallowing and could have used the tea if he didn’t fear that his stomach would rebel. Dr. Kennedy sipped from his own cup and regarded the young man sitting across his desk. His demeanor was completely different than the somewhat shy and embarrassed young man who sat in this very office the day before. “Are you quite all right? Has something happened to upset you?” Michael could only think of Bishop pressed against him during yesterday’s dance lesson. He could not tell Dr. Kennedy that, however. “Yes, sir. I mean no, sir.” He took a deep breath and started over. “I mean, I was only wondering what was wrong. Why you called me here. Am I in trouble, sir?” “Of course not, Mr. Taylor. Have you done something that warrants discipline?” Dr. Kennedy hid his smile behind his tea cup. It wouldn’t do to appear indulgent to any of his charges. “I haven’t, sir.” The panic was slowly fading to confusion as the only imagined reason for a summons to Dr. Kennedy’s office had apparently been overlooked. “You’ve been an outstanding student, if a bit quiet. After our discussion yesterday I took the liberty of looking through your file. You’ve been living with a cousin since the death of your parents.” He paused, not expecting an answer to his statements, but wanted to give Taylor time to adjust to his subject. “There is a letter in the file from a barrister in Boston referencing your eighteenth birthday. Did you receive any correspondence when you turned eighteen?” 10

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg Michael’s brow creased in confusion. “No, sir.” “With your permission, I would like to contact his office and speak to him on your behalf. You’re old enough to do it yourself, of course, if you would rather.” Confused, Michael had no idea what a letter from law offices in Boston would have to do with him. “Yes, sir. Please, contact them if you’d like.” Michael watched Dr. Kennedy pour another cup of tea, place it in front of him, and push the service close at hand. Picking the cup and saucer up gratefully, he said, “Thank you, it’s very welcome.” Handing a small card across the desk, Dr. Kennedy said, “Take this card to Hardison’s and they’ll fit you for evening wear for the ball.” This meeting was so far beyond anything Michael had expected that he sat mute, unable to process any more surprises. “But I have no money, no way to pay.” “I’ve arranged payment. Mr. Hardison is a… a dear friend and has agreed to a discounted price. I’ll expect you to repay me one day when you’re able. Better yet, put your repayment into an account to be used by a future scholarship student for a similar purpose.” “Thank you, Dr. Kennedy.” Michael took the card and held it almost reverently. “You’re welcome. One more question, then I’ll let you get back to your friends. What did you think that I was going to accuse you of?” Michael felt his face grow warm again and the cup rattled in the saucer as he placed it back on the desk. “I… I don’t. I mean I… can’t. I’d rather not discuss it, sir.” He looked down at the card in his hands. 11

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg Dr. Kennedy raised his eyebrows as he considered the young man who looked ready to bolt from the room. “We’ll leave that for next time, then. I’d like to make this a regular meeting. I have some concerns about your future and, of course, I’ll pass on what I’ve learned from the Boston firm.”

* * *

THE afternoon passed much more easily than the morning had, and Michael soon found himself back in the ballroom, his muscular classmate in his arms. After a few missteps as he adjusted to leading and Joseph adjusted to being led, they moved smoothly around the floor. Michael attempted to maintain the proper distance between them as his partner pulled him closer. “Taylor, let’s sneak out. Kennedy has already seen us. He won’t notice if we leave. The English classroom is still empty and the lock is still broken.” “Bishop, what will you do after leaving school? Will you marry?” Michael not only wanted to hear the answer but was trying to distract his partner from his single-minded attempts to become more intimate. “I’ll marry, of course. That’s what my family expect of me.” He looked at Michael as if he were a simpleton. “But what of the liberties you take here?” He could feel his cheeks grow red at the boldness of the discussion. He had never discussed intimate matters with another soul. “What of them? A way to pass the time, to satisfy physical urges.” Joseph pulled Michael closer in their dance and Michael felt a hard shaft against his hip. He recoiled when his body reacted in kind and 12

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg ran from the room, Joseph quick on his heels. Dr. Kennedy watched Michael’s escape and knew that he had been correct in his suspicions the previous afternoon. Having seen the longing looks that Michael gave David, he was fairly certain that the young man shared his own unspeakable desires. Discussing the matter, even in the most general terms, could result in ruin for both teacher and student. Michael ran around the corner of the wide corridor and leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. Before he had time to compose himself, Joseph turned the corner, grabbed his arm and pulled him along until they reached the English classroom. They were barely in the door before Joseph pushed him against the wall, their bodies pressed tightly together and the hardness against his abdomen too much to bear. “Bishop, stop!” He pushed against solid shoulders and the pressure from Joseph’s body was gone momentarily, only to return seconds later. Joseph’s lips were on his neck, his hardness now pressing directly on his own and he stilled, no longer protesting. It would be so easy to give in, to thrust against the body in his arms, to give his body the release that he craved. Moments from embarrassing himself by spending in his clothing, he pushed Joseph away again and ran from the room, not stopping until he reached home.

* * *

THE following week found Michael presenting himself at Dr. Kennedy’s office for what was to become their weekly meeting. There was a cup of tea waiting on the edge of the desk, and he drank gratefully. Without the fear of being accused of unnatural acts he felt that he could enjoy Dr. Kennedy’s conversation. It was a unique 13

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg experience to have a professor take an interest in him. “Thank you for coming, Mr. Taylor. Did you get your evening wear sorted?” Michael smiled, “Yes, I did. Thank you for arranging it for me, sir.” He leaned back in his chair, relaxing for the first time in Dr. Kennedy’s presence. His comfort was short-lived as Dr. Kennedy continued. “I noticed the clash between you and Bishop last week. Have you resolved your differences? You’re both very skilled at the dances and you should represent the school well when the young ladies visit.” Sitting up on the edge of his chair once more, Michael answered, “Yes, sir. We had a… a bit of a… a disagreement, but we’ve settled it.” “I see. Are you looking forward to the ball? To the young ladies?” Feeling as if he was being led into a trap, Michael answered carefully, “A bit, sir. I prefer reading quietly, truthfully.” “Ah, well. You’re not alone in that sentiment, but we all do what we must.” His words appeared to be straightforward, but Michael thought there was a hidden meaning there if he could only decipher it. Changing the subject abruptly, Dr. Kennedy continued, “I would like you to consider your future and write an essay about your options and what you plan to do after you leave Collingsworth. I realize that this is late days, but you’ve only just come to my attention.” “Yes, sir. I appreciate your help.” Michael was dismissed quickly and left the office feeling slightly dizzy at the conversation and the myriad emotions it had caused. He was frightened and excited in equal measure as he contemplated the remainder of his time at Collingsworth.

14

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg * * *

THE next three months of school passed quickly, with no more unpleasant incidents with Joseph. The dancing lessons had progressed to the point that they knew the steps of all the popular dances and were comfortable dancing with any partner, regardless of size or skill level. Michael had succeeded in never being paired with David, but it was David who was foremost in his thoughts as he sat at Morning Prayer staring at the back of his golden head. He leaned forward, pretending to scratch an ankle and sniffed surreptitiously, smelling an intoxicating mixture of shaving soap, macassar oil, and a hint of pipe tobacco. The nearness to the agent of his own personal torture caused his body to react and, as he always did, Michael both blessed and cursed the delicious feeling of blood rushing to his member. His thoughts were brought back to more appropriate matters when the headmaster announced that the ladies of St. Anne’s would not be attending the ball on Friday. There was a chorus of groans and whispered questions from the assembled students before they quieted to listen to the headmaster. He gave no further details about St. Anne’s but announced that, as the plans for the ball had commenced to the point where they could not be easily cancelled, the ball would continue as planned. It would be used as a further lesson in their education as young gentlemen. Michael heard many rumors as he passed from class to class that morning, some more outrageous than others. The common theme involved a tryst between a Collingsworth man and a young lady from St. Anne’s that resulted in a pregnancy. After the last class of the morning, he walked eagerly to Dr. Kennedy’s office. He had grown to respect the music professor and 15

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg had stopped worrying about any accusations, relaxing to enjoy their discussions. Dr. Kennedy had hinted that he might have news from the law office in Boston before their next meeting. He arrived at the office and found, not Dr. Kennedy and the usual cup of tea, but a young first year with a note on the familiar thick paper. Reading the beautiful handwriting, he found that he was to meet Dr. Kennedy at Hardison’s after the last class of the day. He guessed that it was to pick up his evening wear, but he had no idea why Dr. Kennedy would need to be there. Excited, he walked quickly through the crowds of holiday shoppers to the clothier’s after the school day ended and breathed deeply of the scent of clean wool and cotton as he entered the shop. He saw neither Dr. Kennedy nor Mr. Hardison in the small shop, but the older man who had measured him for his evening wear appeared to be waiting for him. “This way, Mr. Taylor.” He followed the bent little man through a curtain to the back of the store and up a narrow staircase. “The gentlemen are waiting for you.” Curious, Michael knocked on the door at the top of the stairs. Mr. Hardison opened the door and invited him into a small but wellappointed sitting room. Dr. Kennedy stood in front of a small settee pouring a cup of tea and Michael smiled to himself, thinking that he would forever associate Dr. Kennedy with tea. “Mr. Taylor, please have a seat. Mr. Hardison will get your things and join us shortly. I assume that you must be wondering about meeting at such an unusual place.” He continued without giving Michael a chance to respond. “I have something rather delicate to discuss with you and thought that it would be better done away from Collingsworth.” 16

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg For the first time in weeks, Michael found himself nervous in the music teacher’s presence. Before Dr. Kennedy could continue, Mr. Hardison re-entered the room and sat down on the settee next to Dr. Kennedy. The two sat close together, their knees brushing lightly as Dr. Kennedy turned to give him a look that could only be described as tender. “Mr. Taylor, there is no easy way to talk about this and even discussing the subject is not without danger.” He took a deep breath and continued. “I’ve seen the way that you look at Mr. Bennington, yet you appear to have spurned Mr. Bishop’s rather clumsy advances.” Michael blanched. This was what he had feared. With little more than a week left in term he was finished. He would have no future if he was dismissed for crimes against nature. “Mr. Taylor, please listen. You are not being accused of any wrongdoing. I simply thought that I—we—might be able to help you.” “I… I don’t understand, sir.” Michael’s hands shook as he put the cup back on its saucer and he just managed to place it on the small table. Dr. Kennedy looked at Mr. Hardison, who nodded encouragingly. “Michael, I believe that this conversation requires Christian names, don’t you? As I was saying, I’ve seen the looks you give David, but I don’t believe you know that he looks at you in the same way.” “Dr. Kennedy, I don’t understand.” Michael was close to tears, still frightened that this was a trap. He couldn’t figure out why Dr. Kennedy was discussing this in Mr. Hardison’s presence. He thought perhaps it was to act as witness to his admission of the crimes. If that was the case, though, he would expect the police to be involved. “Please, calm down. We both understand what you must be going 17

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg through.” At his last statement, he placed his hand over Mr. Hardison’s. “We’re placing ourselves at risk talking about this, but I think that we might be able to help you. You understand that you can never reveal what we discuss this afternoon.” “Yes. No. Of course not.” Michael was in shock over the revelation that Dr. Kennedy and Mr. Hardison appeared to have one of the “special friendships” that the school forbade and society outlawed. One statement came to the forefront of his mind as he processed the information his professor had given him. Dr. Kennedy said that David had been looking at him too. His emotions running high, he felt himself near tears again. “Do you have any questions, Michael?” Dr. Kennedy spoke quietly, comforting and calming. Laughing, feeling more free than he had since his childhood, Michael said, “I think I must have a thousand questions and don’t know where to begin! This really isn’t a trap? I’m not in trouble? David has been looking at me too?” “I do believe that you found a place to begin. Have another cup of tea and we’ll have a chat now that you’re convinced you’re not in trouble. Although there aren’t many who agree with us, we believe that love, freely given between adults, is never wrong.” Dr. Kennedy looked tenderly at Mr. Hardison again. “Those of us who believe this must, unfortunately, remain hidden.” Michael stood at the door some time later, overwhelmed with new information. “Michael, remember your promises. You will never speak of this matter outside of this room, and if the opportunity should present itself to speak with Mr. Bennington, you won’t run away.”

18

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg * * *

S TRAIGHTENING his bow tie, Michael walked out the door to leave for the ball, mask held in his hand. He had asked if he could be driven in the coach but had been refused, so he set off walking. Remembering his promise to Dr. Kennedy, he wondered if he would dare to dance with David during this most unusual masked ball. The entire conversation with Dr. Kennedy and Mr. Hardison had been a revelation that shook the foundation of everything Michael had ever been taught. He knew that his life would not be easy, but he finally saw the chance of happiness. The ballroom had been transformed from the austere site of their practice sessions with the addition of opulent draperies, pine boughs, and golden light from the gas jets and candles. There was a sumptuous dinner set up at one end of the room and this is where the students clustered. The orchestra had begun playing but, perhaps predictably, none of the boys were dancing. Walking over to the tables with the food, Michael felt unusually confident in his mask and new finery. Although all of the students were wearing their masks, some stood out and were easily identified. Michael picked out Smith by his fiery red curls, Hobbs by his massively protruding belly, and finally Bennington with the light blond waves that he would recognize anywhere. With his own medium brown locks, he felt completely anonymous and moved to stand near David. Before he found the courage to strike up a conversation, the professors walked through the crowd of fifth and sixth years, randomly pairing them up and pushing them toward the dance floor. Dr. Kennedy appeared at his elbow and, with a hand on his shoulder, pushed him toward David. “Gentlemen, we’re here to 19

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg practice your dancing. There will be time to eat during the orchestra’s break.” Michael looked back at him to see if there was any sign of recognition in his face or if it was mere coincidence that Dr. Kennedy had paired him with David. Dr. Kennedy had already turned to push another pair onto the floor. “Well, I believe that we’ll be dancing together tonight. Who will lead, do you think?” David asked, amusement showing in his voice, his full lips quirked into a small smile. Feeling unusually bold, Michael stepped in to David and placed his left hand on a muscular shoulder and raised his right hand, waiting for his classmate’s left. “You’re a bit taller, you may have the honor.” “Am I to know who you are?” David moved into position and they moved across the floor. Michael smiled, “Ah, but that’s what the masks are for. We’ll know who the other is at the unmasking.” “Fair enough, but I do believe that my hair gives you an advantage. You surely know who I am.” They moved gracefully, their bodies and their abilities well-matched. Michael was determined to relax and enjoy the dance, the unique circumstances of the evening unlikely to be repeated. “Yes, Bennington, I do. My identity must remain a secret, however. Rules being what they are.” Michael unconsciously moved closer to David. Rather than push Michael away, David matched his move and they were soon dancing much closer than convention allowed. Michael was able to smell the now familiar scent of macassar oil and shaving soap. “Ah, rules. Are you one to always follow the rules, then?” Michael realized that they were dancing closer to the dark 20

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg shadows at the end of the ball room, and knew that if one of them had been a young lady from St. Anne’s they would have been separated and placed under the chaperone’s direct care long ago. “Rules do have their place in polite society, but then the judicious breaking of some rules may make life more interesting.” “Would you be interested in telling me which rules you would break?” David pressed even closer as they moved behind a wide column and, for the second time in his life, he felt another man’s hardness against his hip. Unlike the last time, however, this was more than welcome, and he felt an answering hardness of his own. They abandoned any pretense of dancing as David maneuvered Michael until his back was against the column. “I don’t think that would be wise.” Breathless, Michael fought the urge to push himself more tightly against David. Michael could feel David’s breath against his lips as he moved closer and, anticipating a kiss, moistened his lips. Instead of a kiss, Michael felt David’s cheek against his own and lips graze over his jaw. “Is kissing one of the rules that you might break?” “I think… I think that it might…” They heard the tap of heels on the marble floor as the music quieted and pulled apart abruptly. By the time the next waltz began, they were dancing a respectable distance apart as the headmaster rounded the column and subtly steered them back to the rest of the couples on the dance floor. They defied convention and didn’t switch partners, dancing every dance together, occasionally moving behind the column to whisper together. Michael was now well acquainted with David’s neck, his jaw, and had had the barest taste of his lips but hungered for more. He longed to be alone with David, sure now that David returned his desire. 21

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg When the orchestra stopped and intermission was announced, David pulled Michael by the hand and led him quickly through a side door. Michael was unfamiliar with the path but trusted his partner to lead in the near darkness. They stopped as they rounded a corner and Michael allowed himself to be pulled into David’s arms, reveling at the novel sensation of another body flush against his own. “Now, my handsome friend, let us discuss rules made to be broken.” “With this mask, you cannot know that I’m handsome. I, on the other hand, know your beautiful face well.” Michael, suddenly bold, traced David’s lips with his fingertips. “I think discussion of rules must wait.” He pressed his lips to his partner’s and was surprised to feel those lips open against his own. Gasping at the unimagined intimacy, he felt his body respond to the taste of his lover and the touch of his tongue against his. Their bodies strained together, hands roamed over backs and shoulders, their kiss deepened and Michael heard a moan tear from his own throat. Overwhelmed, Michael pulled back and leaned his forehead against David’s, knocking both of their masks askew. Before he realized what David was doing, he felt the cold air hit his face as his mask was removed. He felt the light touch of fingertips trace his brow, his cheeks, and finally his lips before being pulled into another kiss. Michael threaded his fingers through the wavy hair that had tempted him for years and found it to be soft as silk, every bit as luscious as he had imagined it to be. Leaving that soft hair, he found his hands moving to trace over David’s body, down his strong back and settling on his waist, afraid to go further. His partner had no such fear, however, and Michael felt large hands on his backside, pulling him more tightly against David. Michael’s body was on fire, need pulsing through him as they moved 22

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg together, kissing frantically. Close to spending, he gasped against David’s mouth when he felt a hand reach into his trousers. For the first time in his life, he felt another person touch his hard flesh, tight and warm, a hundred times—a thousand—better than touching himself. “David!” He pulled away, afraid of embarrassing himself even as he wanted—needed—more. David didn’t let him go, quickly undoing both of their trousers, freeing their hard pricks to the cold night air. “Touch me. Touch me.” Michael couldn’t ignore the plea and grasped David as their lips met again. The new sensations on his body, the feel of David’s flesh in his hand, and the taste of David’s mouth all worked together to cause him to spill after only a few strokes. Lost in the incredible feeling of his body spending into David’s hand, he was barely aware when David’s release hit his own hand and wrist. They breathed heavily, leaning together as they kissed and teased with lips and tongues. “That was… it was almost… almost… too much. I’ve never….” “Oh, my friend, it could be so much more. Come back to my room with me?” Michael pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and cleaned himself before fastening his trousers and straightening his clothes. “I don’t believe… I can’t….” He didn’t know why he was suddenly frightened. His earlier confidence seemed to dissipate into the cold night and he was once again the shy day-student who could never measure up to the beautiful man in front of him. Unable to explain, he pulled away from David’s arms and ran up the path, turning not in the direction of the ball room, but toward the village and his own house. The experience with David was more than he ever hoped it could 23

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg be and he couldn’t wait to repeat it. This thought brought him up short and he stood still at the side of the road, realizing that he had never told David who he was. For Michael, the evening had been the culmination of six years of admiration, but for David it was no more than the furtive meetings in empty classrooms that Michael had always avoided. He had dared to hope, after Dr. Kennedy’s revelation, that there would be happiness in his future, but he knew now that it was not to be. The feeling of release in another’s arms was magnificent, but he recognized that it was not in his nature to repeat the experience without love or affection.

* * *

THE weekend was spent in his room, refusing meals, neither expecting nor receiving a visit from any of his family, his eyes red from the tears shed in mourning for the life that he would never have. Out of habit more than any sense of responsibility, he went to school on Monday morning and sat, as usual, in the back of the hall. His fellow students were in high spirits, talking about Christmas plans with their families and arranging visits over the holiday break. He picked at a loose thread on his frayed trousers and focused on his lap as he listened to the usual prayers and announcements. Afraid to see David, he remained seated as the hall emptied, only standing when the last footstep faded. Shuffling to the door, he was so deep in his own sorrow that he didn’t notice the first year with the note until he bumped into him. The note, predictably, was from Dr. Kennedy and asked him to present himself at the headmaster’s office immediately. No longer able to find it in himself to worry about being accused of a crime or being expelled, he shuffled to the headmaster’s office. When he was led into 24

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg the office, he found the headmaster, Dr. Kennedy and a well-dressed man sitting at the conference table at the side of the office. “Mr. Taylor, please have a seat. I’m sorry to pull you from your classes, but we have an important matter to discuss.” The headmaster spoke calmly. Dr. Kennedy smiled slightly as Michael sat at the table. The other man, who sat with a thick file in front of him, said nothing but looked at Michael kindly. The headmaster continued, “This is Mr. Eaton, Esquire. Dr. Kennedy contacted him on your behalf several months ago. I understand that Dr. Kennedy hasn’t shared any of his correspondence with Mr. Eaton at this point.” “No, sir.” Michael was growing curious, despite his melancholy. Mr. Eaton opened the file and shuffled papers before beginning to speak. “Mr. Taylor, do you remember your childhood? Where you lived? Did you ever speak about business with your father? After a pause to adjust to the topic and order his thoughts, Michael answered, “I remember happy times with my parents, living in Boston in a large house. I don’t remember ever speaking with my father about business.” Mr. Eaton wrote something briefly on a pad at his elbow before asking his next question. “What do you remember about the time after your parents’ death?” “Very little. I remember their funeral and my mother’s cousin coming to the house to pack my things, then the drive here. The next school term I was enrolled in Collingsworth as a day-student.” Michael was growing impatient with the questioning about a very painful period in his life. “If I may ask, what is this about, sir?” “To put it simply, Mr. Taylor, your parents were very wealthy, and you were their only heir,” Mr. Eaton said. 25

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg “I don’t believe that is correct. My mother’s cousin inherited, and they’ve allowed me to live with them while attending Collingsworth.” Michael was ready to leave and get on with his last days of the term and put Collingsworth behind him for several weeks. “It is indeed correct, Mr. Taylor. I’ve been researching for several months and believe that we now have all of the information at hand. You are your parents’ heir, and the house in Boston, as well as the house in Collingsworth, belong to you. Your mother’s cousin was appointed as your guardian and the administrator of the estate. Everything passes to you on your twenty-first birthday. You are a very wealthy young man.” Dumbfounded, Michael didn’t know where to start, what questions to ask, what to think. “But they’ve been letting me live there. I’m on scholarship here!” “It appears that your mother’s cousin has appropriated everything in your name and has been using your very generous allowance for the family’s own purposes. With your permission, I’ll contact the police on your behalf, and the family will be out of your house before the end of the day.” Mr. Eaton closed the file and waited for Michael’s response. Looking at Dr. Kennedy for the first time since the lawyer had begun speaking, Michael asked, “Would it be possible to speak with you privately, sir?” The headmaster and Mr. Eaton left, allowing them the use of the office. “This is all such a shock. I’ve been the poor cousin receiving charity for six years, and I can’t quite believe that it’s not the way it was supposed to be. I’m not sure what to do.” Dr. Kennedy was quiet for a few minutes before speaking. “I believe that the police should be told. Your cousin has deprived you of 26

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg so much. At the very least, Michael, this will change your future. You will be able to go to any university that you please, be anything that you would like.” After a long morning talking to the police, Michael rode in Mr. Eaton’s coach to what he had so recently learned was his house. Mr. Eaton had been named as temporary administrator of the estate by the magistrate until a formal hearing could be held, and the police would arrive shortly to evict the family. Michael would have preferred to avoid the scene that was sure to follow but had allowed Mr. Eaton to convince him that it would be better for him to be there. Late afternoon found him finally alone, except the staff, in his house. His house. He wondered how long it would take him to get used to that. He had requested a cold supper but sat at the large table alone with no appetite. The extraordinary day had taken its toll and once he took time to reflect, the memory of the events of Friday night returned, leaving him feeling utterly drained and alone. He pushed his dinner away and wandered through the rooms of the house, decorated in anticipation of a lavish Christmas, looking at them with fresh eyes, and remembering the house in Boston with fondness. He would arrange to travel there as soon as the school term was over. Tired but not ready to attempt sleep, Michael read in the library for the first time rather than returning to his room. He was looking around the warm and comforting room when he heard a soft knock. The butler opened the door to announce that he had a visitor who had declined to give his name. “Declined?” “Yes, sir. He said that he was a friend of yours from school and asked me to deliver this.” Michael opened the small box to find his mask from the ball on a 27

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg bed of soft cotton. He was at the door in a few steps and paused only long enough to ask, “Where is he?” “In the foyer, sir.” “Would you have tea brought to the library? You can leave the tray and clear tomorrow. We won’t need anything more tonight.” He walked as fast as decorum allowed to meet David in the foyer but didn’t know what to say to him once he was there. “My handsome friend.” David touched Michael’s elbow briefly. “You ran off so quickly on Friday and then you weren’t in school today, I wanted to make sure that you were all right.” He smiled shyly. “It’s been an eventful day. We can talk in the library.” He was barely able to believe that David was standing in front of him and his body trembled with excitement. Alone in the library, the door closed and with no chance for interruption, Michael turned to David. “How did you know that it was me?” David cupped Michael’s cheek. “I’ve watched you every day for six years. I’d recognize you in the pitch dark, with a mask on, anywhere, Michael.” He closed his lips over Michael’s in a soft kiss, undemanding and sweet. “Why now? Why after six years?” Michael didn’t wait for an answer but returned David’s kiss with passion, opening his lips and tasting the sweetness of his lover’s mouth. “Your family—is it safe?” Michael held David close, thrilling at the reaction of David’s body, so evident against his own arousal. “It’s safe. Why now?” He repeated. 28

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg “You’ve always been aloof, holding yourself away from everyone. I was afraid to approach you. Then I had a note on Friday morning suggesting that I talk to you at the dance. When Dr. Kennedy pushed us together I took a chance.” He threaded his fingers through Michael’s dark hair and pulled him closer for another kiss. “Let’s talk later, Michael.” Michael tilted his head as David’s lips found the soft skin beneath his ear, but he pushed him away before he could become lost in the sensation. There was one more thing he had to know. “Will you ever marry?” He silently prayed that the answer would not be the same as Joseph’s. “Not unless the law changes to allow marriage between two men.” He returned to nuzzle Michael’s neck and could feel the rumble of Michael’s laughter under his lips. “How absurd to think of two men being allowed to marry!” Michael chuckled before growing serious once more. “Come with me?” He took David by the hand and led him out of the library. Once in his room, the door safely closed, Michael pulled David to him and simply held him for a minute, allowing the emotions of the day to flow through him. David pulled away, cupped Michael’s face, and kissed him tenderly. Their lips moved gently, exploring and tasting, learning what produced a moan or caused a gasp of delight. Hands explored, sliding inside clothing and finding skin, arousal growing with each new discovery. Michael followed David’s lead, delighting in the freedom to explore his body for the first time. Jackets, ties, and shirts discarded, Michael felt the press of a lover’s skin on his own for the first time as they strained together, better than he ever imagined. Their slow explorations grew more passionate and Michael 29

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg kissed along David’s jaw to his neck, tasting the skin of his shoulder, and finally, finally breathing his fill of the scent of that tempting neck. Michael sat on the edge of the bed, putting him in the perfect position to unbutton the trousers covering the flesh that he longed for. He freed his lover’s swollen prick and marveled at the sight of the dark red flesh. Wanting to feel that intoxicating heat against his hand again, he reached for David as he peppered kisses on the smooth skin of his belly and licked over his hip bones. With a groan, David pulled away, pushed Michael back against the bed, and quickly pushed his trousers over muscled thighs. Michael felt soft fingers trace from his shoulders, to his chest, to map the thin line of hair that that started at his navel and flared below. The fingers combing through those short curls excited him in a way that his own touch never had and he closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of David touching his body with such intimate strokes. Snapping his eyes open at the sudden feeling of warmth on his member, he saw the unimaginable sight of David licking and drawing him into his mouth. He gasped, thinking that he would spend on the spot, and only the idea of humiliating himself by releasing into David’s mouth saved him. “David! It’s too much! I can’t… can’t….” David slid up his body until he was lying on top of Michael, settling into the cradle of his thighs and sliding their erections together. “Have you never done this, Michael?” David asked gently before taking a plump lower lip between his own. “Never, until last Friday.” Unable to bear the teasing of David’s lips any longer, he reached into his silky hair and pulled him down into a passionate kiss even as he rolled his hips to slide along his lover’s length. “Oh, love. We have so much to explore. Anything—everything— 30

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg that you want.” David whispered against his lips, “Relax. Let me love you.” Michael gave himself over to his lover’s touch. He sighed as David moved his mouth over his fevered skin, lips soft, tongue leaving wet trails that cooled in the evening air. Skating his fingers over David’s shoulders, he felt the warm mouth close over a small nipple and was amazed at the shock that moved through his body to settle in his groin. When he thought that he could stand no more, David moved to lavish the same attention on the other nipple, licking and sucking at the sensitive nub. The feeling was almost too much to bear, and he began to rock his hips against David’s body, only to have the movement stilled by a firm hand on his hip. “Shhh, love. We have time, there’s no hurry,” David whispered as he moved down Michael’s torso to kiss one prominent hip bone, then the other. Soft lips moved over the tender skin of his inner thighs and Michael thought that he would go mad with the need to have David’s mouth on him again. “Please,” he whispered, unable to voice his desire, unable to stay quiet. He gasped again when he felt David’s tongue on his balls, the feeling of one testicle being pulled into David’s mouth almost sending him over the edge. One of David’s hands held the base of his prick tightly and he wanted—needed—that hand to move, needed release like he never had before. “Please, David, please.” When he thought he could bear it no longer, David’s mouth closed over his aching flesh, warm, wet, completely divine. His tongue dipped into the slit, swirled around the swollen head and slid over the smooth skin before David lowered his head until Michael could feel his prick hit the back of his lover’s delicious mouth. It was all too much and he desperately tried to pull away. “David!” Michael was close, so close to embarrassing himself, knowing 31

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg that if he released into David’s mouth that David would be disgusted, angry, but David held him firmly against the mattress. The picture of those red lips stretched over his prick and blue eyes locked on his pushed him beyond any point that he could control. He felt the first tingle in his balls and his legs stiffened as felt his hot seed move through his prick and into David’s mouth. As he came back to himself, Michael realized that, far from running from what he had done, David held him in his mouth, licking and suckling gently, as he recovered. David smiled as he released Michael with a small pop before settling back onto Michael’s body, grinning down at him. Blushing, Michael said, “I’m sorry. I couldn’t hold it in.” David kissed him lightly before saying, “You gave me the prize that I craved, love.” “I thought… thought that you would be angry.” Embarrassed by his admission and feeling David’s open gaze, Michael pulled him down into a warm kiss. “Can I touch you?” David laughed and rolled them over until their positions were reversed. “Oh, Michael,” he chuckled deeply. “You never have to ask to do anything with my body.” Michael kissed him deeply before following the same path that David had forged on his own body. He thrilled when David’s nipple hardened under his tongue and learned the tastes and smells of another person – another man – for the first time. Feeling the soft skin of David’s inner thigh on his lips, Michael moved closer to his prize and breathed the rich, musky smell as he licked and tasted new territory. He flicked the tip of his tongue over the clear drop that had formed on the smooth, spongy head and the flavor of the man that he had craved for so long burst over his tongue. 32

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg Wanting to return the pleasure that David had given him, he lowered his head but drew back quickly when he felt himself gag on the fullness in his throat. He heard sweet words of encouragement and felt soothing hands in his hair and on his shoulders as he tried again. Thrilling when he felt Michael’s prick jump in his mouth, he learned which touches brought fevered reactions from David’s body and delighted in giving him pleasure. Surprised when he felt David’s release hit his throat, he pulled back briefly before taking the rest in his mouth. Mimicking David’s earlier actions, he licked and sucked, until David’s tremors slowed. Completely overwhelmed by everything that had happened, he settled against David’s side, looking lovingly at his partner’s flushed cheeks. David turned to look at him and smiled before swiping his thumb over Michael’s chin. “I think you missed a drop.” Without thinking about what he was doing, Michael sucked David’s thumb into his mouth, loving the heat he saw in his new lover’s eyes. They lay tangled together, caressing and stroking as they talked, each unable to get enough of the other’s body. When Michael told him about the news he had received that day, he was delighted to find out that David’s family was also from Boston. Making plans for a holiday spent together, Michael shivered at the possibilities and marveled at the changes that a day could make. “Are you cold?” David asked, pulling the blankets over Michael’s shoulders. Michael laughed and rolled onto David, sliding into the cradle of his thighs. “No, not cold. Just a bit overwhelmed at everything that’s happened today.” He leaned down to touch David’s lips with his, delighting in their softness and the delicious taste as they opened to 33

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg allow his tongue access. Feeling new fire in groin, he slid his length along David’s and thrilled at the ways in which their bodies could meet and give each other pleasure. He felt David’s hands on his backside, pulling them more tightly together and remembered his hesitation to touch David there. Now, feeling completely free, he laughed and rolled them over until he was on his back with David straddling his hips. Moving his hands over David’s back, he didn’t hesitate to move further and grip a firm cheek in each hand. “Oh, this feels marvelous!” David continued to writhe over him, alternately grinding into his rigid prick and back against his hands. Feeling as if he could never get enough of the soft skin and hard muscle of David’s backside, he continued to rub and squeeze as they moved together. Hearing a gasp, Michael stopped his movements. “There, just there.” David arched his back and pressed against Michael’s hands. He realized that, with all of his kneading and squeezing, he had touched David’s most intimate spot. Could that contact have given David pleasure? He touched again, and felt the tiny pucker as David pressed against him. “More!” Michael tapped and swirled as he watched David’s flushed cheeks, loving the desire in his eyes. “Oil! Do you have any oil?” David gasped as Michael continued his exploration of the forbidden flesh. As soon as Michael nodded toward the dresser, David jumped out of bed, retrieved the small bottle of hair oil, and returned to straddle Michaels’ hips. “Are you ready for more, love?” “Anything.” Michael watched as David covered his fingers with the oil before reaching to coat the whorled skin and gasped when he saw those fingers disappear into his lover’s body. He watched the flush spread from David’s face to his chest as he threw his head back 34

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg and moved against the fingers inside of his body. Feeling himself grow impossibly harder watching David’s obvious arousal, he slid his hands up lightly furred thighs to grip his lover’s hips. Michael watched as David drizzled some of the oil over their pricks, then bucked as he felt their slick skin slide together. With no time to adjust to the new feelings, Michael felt the head of his prick pressed against David’s entrance. As he gasped at the unexpected sensation, his lover pressed harder and he felt himself slide further, surrounded by heat and pressure and David. The feeling was indescribable as his body instinctively thrust into David and he pulled him down roughly until he could devour those kiss-swollen lips once more. They bucked together wildly, the incredible heat and tightness surrounding him and David’s prick sliding against his belly bringing him to the edge sooner than he wanted. With a scream, he felt himself spend deep inside David’s body just before he felt his lover’s hot release between them. Collapsing on top of Michael, David nuzzled into his neck and chuckled. “Love, I think that we’re going to have a very good time getting to know each other better.”

* * *

THEY lay in each other’s arms, conversation punctuated by kisses, as Michael told David about the events leading up to that morning. Eventually, drained and overwhelmed by everything that had happened, he fell asleep with his head on David’s chest, feeling safe, feeling complete for the first time that he could remember. There was a sharp rap on the door even as it swung open and, in a panic, Michael sat up and tried to hide David’s presence in his bed as 35

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg the maid put the pitcher of warm water on the wash stand. She left with her eyes averted and he hoped that she hadn’t noticed two sets of clothing on the floor. He lay back against the pillows, heart beating in terror even as David giggled and rolled atop him for a morning kiss. “Calm down, my love. She’s a servant. Nothing will be said.” Michael started to tell David that she would tell his cousin and stopped short, realizing that he need not worry on that account any longer. Even as Michael responded to David’s body against his, he tried to push him away. “David, we have to get dressed. We’ll miss assembly.” David was settling himself more comfortably over Michael, rolling his hips slowly, sliding their pricks together. “I can think of better things to do than morning assembly.” He kissed Michael deeply and pressed harder, his breath growing ragged. “Michael, come with me, come with me.” Forgetting about school and morning assembly, he reveled in the feel of David’s body, finally his after years of longing. He thrust up against David as they shared breath, kisses growing sloppy, uncontrolled, as their passion overtook them and they spent between their bodies. When they regained their breath, Michael asked David, “What about school?” “Let’s forget about school for the day. Send one of the servants to let them know we won’t be there. You’re supposed to meet with Mr. Eaton this morning, correct?” He waited for Michael’s nod, “Well, we’ll go shopping and then you’ll meet with him.” “Shopping?” “Yes, shopping. If you’re going to come home with me over 36

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg Christmas holiday, you’ll need new clothes and then there are little gifts to buy. You also need to talk to the servants. They saw the family sent away yesterday and will be in a dither, not knowing what to expect next.” “Gifts? Servants? Oh, David, I hardly know where to start. I’ve been barely more than a servant myself for so long.” David kissed him tenderly, “That, my love, is why you need me with you today. Several hours later, Michael found himself back in Hardison’s, choosing suits, shirts, and ties with the help of a very happy Mr. Hardison and a barely restrained David. Michael hadn’t told David of the relationship between Dr. Kennedy and the clothier, but it soon became obvious that David had recognized a kindred spirit. As they were leaving the small shop, David put his arm over Michael’s shoulder briefly, looking like two school chums but knowing that they were so much more. “It’s almost time for your appointment with Mr. Eaton. I’ll stop and order lunch for us, and you can meet me at Meadow’s Restaurant when you’re done.” They stood on the street, Michael silently imploring David to come with him. So much in his life was new; some things wonderful, some almost terrifyingly strange. He knew what to do at a formal dance, could have a conversation on almost any subject, but was unprepared to make decisions about the houses, the servants, and finances. Feeling the weight of the responsibility of other lives on his shoulders, he opened his mouth to ask David to come with him, but his lover shook his head. “Michael, ask Mr. Eaton for help. That’s part of his job. He can talk to the servants for you or with you and show you what needs to 37

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg be done. I’ll be there if you wish, but it will go better if he sees you as strong and capable.” Nodding, Michael touched David’s elbow briefly and turned to enter the hotel where Mr. Eaton was staying. He squared his shoulders and pushed the heavy door open, taking his first steps as an adult in the eyes of society.

* * *

THE coach bounced over the snow-covered road in the gathering dusk. They had set out from Collingsworth to Boston early, but the condition of the road slowed their trip. No delay could dampen Michael’s excitement, however. He and David huddled together under the blankets, stealing kisses between Michael’s questions and exclamations as they passed one interesting sight after another. “David, are you positive that your mother knows I’ll be visiting?” “Yes, my love. Mr. Eaton returned to Boston several days ago and he will have informed the family that I’m bringing a guest.” He pulled one of Michael’s hands into his lap. Michael was placated for a short while, then couldn’t help asking one more time, “Are you sure that we’ll be allowed to share your room?” David had already answered this question a number of times and this time, rather than answering, stopped any more questions with a deep kiss. “We’ll be there in a few minutes. We’ll greet my family, have a short while to retire to my room to rest, and then we’ll join them again for dinner. You’ll be brilliant. I know it.” Only a few minutes later, the coach stopped and Michael found 38

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg himself pushed through the door into a group of elegantly dressed women who shared David’s fair coloring. They hugged David in turn and, to Michael’s surprise, each hugged him as they kissed him on the cheek. Thanks to David’s descriptions, he was able to greet his mother, two maiden aunts, and a grandmother by name. Their softness and powdery scent reminded him of his mother, and he felt a pang of sadness but was pulled into easy conversation as they were asked about their trip. True to David’s word, they were soon urged to retire to David’s room to rest before dinner. Surprised that their bags had already been taken to his room, Michael looked around the large, luxurious chamber. It was warm and inviting with a fire burning in the large fireplace. Michael’s desire for his lover’s lips and body gave way to fatigue as he leaned back against the pillows on the large bed. He opened his arms and pulled David tight against him before he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. Later, in the dining room scented with pine boughs and beeswax candles, they finished a sumptuous meal filled with feminine laughter and innocent questions that required carefully crafted answers. David’s father sat at the head of the table listening to the lively chatter with quiet indulgence. Not surprisingly, David was well loved and doted on by his family and Michael, by extension, was drawn into the circle. It brought back memories of dinners with his own family, memories that he hadn’t allowed to come to the surface until recently. When they excused themselves after dinner, David’s mother drew him into a warm hug that she held longer than he expected. Drawing back, she placed a soft hand on his cheek. “David wrote us about your family, my dear. I hope that you’ll consider us your new family. You’ll always be welcome here.”

39

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg As they undressed for bed, Michael watched his lover slowly revealing his pale, muscular body and didn’t know how they could sleep in the same bed without touching. Turning away, he continued to undress, carefully folding his clothes as he removed each piece and wondered how he could ask to use another room in the large house. With no warning, he felt David tackle him from behind, carrying him to the soft mattress. His lover had undressed more quickly and moved, completely nude, over Michael, eliciting a small groan. “You’re very quiet, my love.” “It’s all been a lot to take in. The trip, meeting your family, and now… this.” “This? This hasn’t been a problem for the last week in Collingsworth.” David nuzzled against Michael’s face, his neck, finally kissing along his jaw before teasing his lips. Running his hands up David’s thighs to settle on his bare hips, Michael felt a flash of desire that he knew he would never control. He groaned in frustration, “But your family, your mother. We can’t….” Even as the words left his lips, he pulled David more tightly against him, arms folding over his lover’s strong back. Laughing, David pulled away enough to look into Michael’s eyes. “Ah, my love. I’ve told my family that I’ll never marry, and I’m sure that they suspect what your visit means. As long as we’re circumspect in public, we have nothing to worry about.” Aghast, Michael was speechless, unable to form a coherent thought. He would never be able to face David’s family again. “They know?” “I believe so, my love. Now, we’re in bed together, nude—or nearly so—and there are things that I’d like to do more than discuss 40

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg my family.” He kissed his way down Michael’s chest until he reached the waistband of his trousers. Seconds later, when he felt himself enclosed in David’s very talented mouth, Michael stopped worrying and let himself feel.

* * *

THEY spent the week between their arrival in Boston and Christmas Eve shopping and visiting David’s extended family and family friends. Michael was initially reticent but soon began to relax and enjoy the visits after he found himself accepted and welcomed by everyone they visited. It was easy to see how much David’s family loved him, and Michael found his own feelings changing from infatuation to something deeper. Now, sitting across from his lover at an intimate Christmas Eve dinner, he was content to listen to the conversation and enjoy being part of a family again, even if it was only borrowed for a time. He felt David’s foot slide against his and looked up to see a soft, private smile that warmed his heart. Allowing himself an answering smile, he quickly looked away and feigned great interest in his dinner as he felt himself blush. How different this was from Christmas celebrations with his cousin's family. They often traveled to Boston for the holiday, leaving him alone at Collingsworth. Pushing back the bitterness that he felt toward them, he thought about what his future would be like. He had enough money to go to university but had no idea what he would study; he had planned on a military career for so long it was hard to think of anything else. Barely able to hope, he wondered if it would be possible to have a life with David, the life that he had dreamed of for so long. 41

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg Back in David’s room after dinner, David pulled him into a warm embrace, “You were quiet again tonight. You’re not worrying about this again, are you?” He punctuated his question by pressing his arousal against Michael’s Smiling softly, Michael pressed a kiss to full lips, “Hmm, you still taste like wine.” Going back for another taste, he slid his tongue between David’s full lips, teasing until his lover joined enthusiastically in the kiss. “As lovely as that was, you didn’t answer my question,” David chided gently. Considering carefully before answering, Michael was unsure how much to reveal, “My life is so different now than it was only a few weeks ago. I had one goal for the future, but now so much more is possible and I feel a bit lost, not knowing where to go next or what to do.” He left his desire for a future with David unspoken. David put a finger under his chin, lifting his face enough to press his lips softly against Michael’s. “We have one final term at Collingsworth to plan your future, and then we’ll be at Harvard together. We’ll be free to do whatever we please.” “Harvard? Together?” Looking worried, David asked, “Did I assume too much?” His face lighting up, a broad smile on his generous mouth, Michael let out an ecstatic cry before tackling David and carrying him to the bed. A surprised David lay on his back while Michael straddled his hips and lowered his body to cover David’s. There were too many thoughts chasing themselves around in his mind, too many things he wanted to tell David, so he did the only thing he could manage and kissed him fervently. Their lips opened to allow each other access, 42

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg slick tongues twisting together as they communicated their feelings with more than words. Waking up on Christmas morning, Michael felt David’s solid body behind his, his arm holding him tightly to his chest, and felt a strange anticipation. He would have Christmas day with family, without the pitying looks of the servants as they served him a solitary tray, a Christmas day with David. Feeling David stirring softly behind him, Michael turned to face him, smiling at his blond curls going in every direction around his sleep-softened face. “Happy Christmas, my love.” “Happy Christmas.” Michael leaned in for a kiss but was surprised when David abruptly turned away and jumped out of bed, allowing a very brief look at his outstanding bottom as he ran to the dresser. Returning with a small box, he snuggled under the covers once again, seeking his lover’s heat. Taking the small box, Michael looked at David questioningly, “What is it?” “Open it!” David could barely hold still as he watched Michael pull the lid from the box. Michael looked down at an ornately scrolled, gold pocket watch fitted into a jeweler’s box. “It’s beautiful! But I—” Touching his fingertips to Michael’s mouth, David whispered, “Shhh. Open the watch, my love.” Michael removed it from the velvet case and clicked it open, finding an inscription inside. “It’s our initials, and the date! How did you? When? We’ve been together every minute!” David grinned, “I had a little help.” Growing serious, David took Michael’s hands in his. “It’s for all of the minutes that we’ll spend together. Minutes that I hope will grow into years, minutes that you’ll 43

Collingsworth * Andy Eisenberg be able to pull the watch from your pocket and think of me, think of our life together, stretching into eternity.” Pulling David into his arms, Michael sighed against his lips. “I love you, David Bennington.” At that moment, he knew that he was home.

44

Got Mistletoe Madness?

The Dreamspinner Press 2009 Advent Calendar is available at http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com.

ANDY EISENBERG, a lifelong avid reader, writes as an escape from her career as a microbiologist. She has more interests than time, enjoying everything from building furniture to needlework. A cancer survivor, she has spent the time since her recovery in more quiet pursuits and has concentrated on writing—one of those things that she always wanted to do but put off until there was more time. Her husband, her own personal happy-ever-after, provides the background music to her writing in the form of his PS3 and XBox360. Andy and her husband are both transplanted Yankees who now make their home in Virginia at the foot of the Blue Ridge Mountains. They live with two large dogs, three cats, and assorted fish and houseplants and enjoy watching baseball and football together. Visit Andy’s blog at http://andy-eisenberg.livejournal.com/. You can contact her at [email protected].

Collingsworth ©Copyright Andy Eisenberg, 2009 Published by Dreamspinner Press 4760 Preston Road Suite 244-149 Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the authors’ imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. Cover Art by Paul Richmond http://www.paulrichmondstudio.com Cover Design by Mara McKennen This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the publisher. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press at: 4760 Preston Road, Suite 244-149, Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ Released in the United States of America December 2009 eBook Edition eBook ISBN: 978-1-61581-317-9