Crossing Borders: International Women Students in American Higher Education

Crossing Borders 

International Women Students in American Higher Education



Dongxiao Qin

Crossing Borders International Women Students in American Higher Education

Dongxiao Qin

UNIVERSITY PRESS OF AMERICA,® INC.

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To my father, mother and sister for their love and devotion, To my husband for his care and support, To my son for being the inspiration of my life.

Contents

Preface and Acknowledgments

vii

1

Introduction Background and Significance Theoretical Grounding The Inquiry

1 2 3 7

2

A Critical Review of Traditional Models of Self Development Self in Western Psychology Self in Chinese Psychology Self in Anthropology and Cultural Psychology Self in Phenomenology, Symbolic Interaction and Socio-Cultural Theories Self in Cultural Feminist Theories Voices from Critical Feminist Theories Deconstructing Self from Postmodern Feminist Theorists Toward a Critical and Local Interpretation of Culture and Self Chinese Students in the United States Overview

3 Grounded Theory Approach Methodology Theoretical and Epistemological Underpinnings Participants and Sampling Interview Data Analysis Identifying Processes and Phases Validity Issues v

14 14 16 19 21 23 29 32 33 35 38 47 47 49 51 52 54 58 59

vi

4

5

6

Contents

Reweaving a Fragmented Self in Cross-Cultural Contexts Major Process: Reweaving a Fragmented Web of Self Being Women Students in One’s Homeland: Weaving Self Fragmenting Self Becoming International Women Graduates in a New Land: Fragmenting Self Reweaving Self Summary of Processes and Variations Theoretical Implications Weaving Self in Socio-Cultural Contexts Fragmenting Self by Deconstructing Ways of Being in Cultural Contexts Reweaving Multiple Selves through Critical Cultural Elements Implications for Theory Building Implications to American Higher Education Assisting International Women Students in U.S. Universities Specific Suggestions to Faculty and Administrators in U.S. Universities Advice to Prospective International Women Students Implications to Help International Women Students in American Higher Education Conclusion

64 65 66 76 95 116 148 153 154 156 158 160 163 163 164 168 170 172

Appendixes

175

Bibliography

183

Index

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Preface and Acknowledgments

It is becoming increasingly salient that the world is an interconnected and changing place, and those international students who live their lives in different social cultural contexts are conscious of the changes of the lives, experiences, and processes of self-understanding across the borders from their culture of origin to the host culture. In the past few decades there has been the increased number of Chinese international women students in the US universities, yet their socio-cultural and psychological experiences within American culture have not been the focus of study or concern to educators and researchers of higher education. This book is about the study of the processes in which a small group of Chinese international women graduate students made meaning of their experiences of crossing geographic, cultural and psychological borders. Sixteen years ago I, like many of these Chinese women students, came across the border of China and the border of the United States. Being exposed to the richness of western theories of “body and soul” which assume to have universally captured the essence of one’s self development, I felt that this universal model of self-development theory hardly fit my own, as well as other Chinese women’s sense of self, which had been nurtured by Confucius philosophy of collectivism. I struggled to find an appropriate model that made more sense in interpreting Chinese women’s senses of self and other. I was introduced to read cultural feminist “self theories” and to be especially inspired by Stone Center’s self-in-relation theory about women’s self development. Relational cultural theory of women’s self development challenged traditional western view on separated self and provided a meaningful framework to interpret women’s self-understanding through relationships. My appreciation on relational cultural theories might have been based on my personal socio-cultural experiences of vii

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Preface and Acknowledgments

being a middle-class professional woman who was privileged by ethnicity, class and power of knowledge in my culture of origin, China. Therefore it may have been natural for me to adopt this theoretical perspective to interpret my own sense of self as well as that of other Chinese women who shared the similarly privileged socio-cultural backgrounds in our culture of origin. However, the social reality is not benign. Specifically, society assigns particular value to race, ethnicity, gender, language and social class. These social representations define self-other relations. The value of a particular race, ethnicity, social class, linguistic ability, and gender is reinforced through the differing social relations along various accesses to power. I, like many other nonnative English speakers, women of minority international students, experienced painful encounters with racial, cultural, linguistic, and class discriminations embedded in the daily life experiences in the United States. Through reading the critical feminist theories of self development among marginalized groups of women around the world, I found out that these groups of women’s senses of self were hardly relationally constructed in and through mutual empowerment with the dominant privileged group of people (even with privileged women groups) in a particular socio-cultural context. I came to realize that culture is neither benign nor apolitical; rather, it is based on power relationships that justify particular group interests. Critical feminist theorists argued that experiences are constrained by differential access to power and resources. Therefore, for many individuals and groups these relationships are more likely to be complicated and multiple rather than universal. One’s sense of self is grounded in social relations characterized by power and powerlessness. Through the years of learning the critical theories of culture and self and reflecting on my own experiences, I came to develop a deeper understanding of critical feminist theories and found it meaningful to study Chinese women students’ processes of self-understanding across multiple geographic, cultural and psychological borders. This book is hence based on personal experiences—those of the women I interviewed and my own. Nowadays, although psychological research is usually based on statistical data, it is still grounded life experiences that tell the rich stories behind the data. During the time I was doing the research and writing this book I felt challenged. Now that I look back over the journey of this study, I am aware of my family members, many friends, colleagues and mentors who were involved in creating this work in its various aspects. I would like to thank them and acknowledge their love, support and participation in this work. First and foremost, I want to thank my fellow women participants for their time and their wonderful narratives of rich life experiences. I hope that this work reflects on some part of the experiences we shared, the understandings we achieved, and the senses we made out of those experiences.

Preface and Acknowledgments

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I am indebted to the faculty of Lynch School of Education at Boston College for giving guidance, supporting and providing dissertation fellowship for my work. Special thanks are given to Dr. M. Brinton Lykes, Dr. Mary Brabeck and Dr. Penny Hauser Cram for their encouragement, care and ways in which they created possibilities that furthered my work. I cannot adequately express enough gratitude to my mentors on my dissertation committee for their time, support, insights, and encouragement. First of all, I would like to give my heartfelt thanks to Dr. M. Brinton Lykes, my dissertation committee chair. She believed in my scholarly abilities before I had any in which to believe and deeply influenced the development of my critical thinking and contributed enormously to this work. Her passionate scholarship on behalf of the oppressed and her critical theory enriched my understanding of culture, power, race, ethnicity, class, gender and subjectivity. Her deep interest in my work, her thoughtful insights, and her thorough reviews of my work have consistently gone far beyond what is required for an advisor to become my mentor and enabled me to achieve my research goals. I am forever grateful for her guidance and support. I want to extend my special thanks to Dr. Margret Kearney. She generously spent her time in discussing and revising numerous versions of this work, and provided me with incredible opportunities to learn the skills in doing qualitative research. She is truly a role model for conducting grounded theory research in this field. Her careful reading of multiple drafts of my work challenged me to clarify process and theories that were vague. I was so fortunate to work with such a rigorous, supportive, insightful and generous professor like her. I wish to offer my deep gratitude to Dr. Frank Soo. His interest in this study was constant and the cultural lens that he brought to this subject enriched this work. He has been a good friend and supporter to my work and my family in so many years. I sincerely thank Dr. Karen Arnold. She offered many meaningful directions and give specific suggestions to facilitate international women students’ development in American higher education. I would also like to express deep gratitude to Dr. Janet Surrey and Dr. Steve Bergman, as well as their lovely daughter, Katie. They have been good friends to my family and helped us in countless ways throughout these years. Dr. Janet Surrey was my first mentor who guided me to learn about relational cultural theories and to explore psychology of women since the first year I started my journey in studying psychology in America. Her insight, encouragement, and care have truly stimulated my intellectual growth in so many ways. My colleagues in the psychology department at Western New England College deserve special gratitude. Dr. Dennis Kolodziejski, Dr. Sheri Tershner, Dr. Kathy Dillon, Dr. Chris Hakala, Dr. Jessica Carlson, Dr. Dennie Northrup,

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Dr. Gregory Hanley, Dr. Ava Kleinman, Dr. Jason Seacat amd Dr. Amanda Karsten provided me with a warm and supportive environment. Dr. Kolodziejski, the chair of the department, has consistently supported me in teaching and doing research through these years. He and my colleagues offered me emotional and psychological comfort during the difficult time when I lost my father while writing this book. Their loving support made my life much easier and the journey of writing pleasant. I am also indebted to Dean Saeed Ghahramani for his generous support and many colleagues in a large college community for their care to my academic life at Western New England College. I want to express my appreciation for Sage Publisher and Taylor & Francis Publisher for having granted me copy right permissions of two published articles in this book: The article, authored by Dongxiao Qin, titled “Toward a Critical Feminist Perspective of Culture and Self” in Feminism & Psychology, 2004, Vol. 14(2) pp. 297–312 (Sage Publisher). The article, authored by Dongxiao Qin & Brinton Lykes, titled “Reweaving a fragmented self: a grounded theory of self-understanding among Chinese women students in the United States of America” in International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education, 2006, Vol. 19 (2) pp.177–200 (Francis & Taylor Publisher, http:// www.informa.com). While I have dedicated this work to my family, I want to thank each of them. My deepest gratitude and love to my parents, Yongzhen Qin and Yuzhen Wang, and my sister, Dr. Dongxin Qin. My parents are ordinary people with extraordinary hearts full of tremendous love for their daughters. Over the years my father and mother have given themselves to me, nurtured my body and soul, and provided me with the best opportunities for my personal growth and intellectual development. Their values, morals, dignity, faith, and more importantly their being great role models in my life truly inspired my sense of care and justice to the well-being of human development in general. During the time when I wrote this book, my father passed away in November 2007. The emotional loss has been so deep that I still feel the pain everyday. He has been such a loving, strong, and dedicated father in the past forty-four years of my life. He is always alive in my heart. I hope that this book would comfort his spirit in heaven. This book is also dedicated to my mother. She has been a strong and dedicated mother who is always there for her daughters. Her love of knowledge and value of education have had such an impact on shaping who I am today. Her courage and resilience to face any difficulty in life have become constant resources to nurture my intellectual and spiritual growth. The special motherdaughter connection makes my life full of love and hope. As I think of the family support, I want to express my affections for my sister, Dr. Dongxin Qin. She has given me so much emotional and spiritual support in our shared

Preface and Acknowledgments

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life journey of growing up together. As an international graduate student who came to study in US in late 1990s, she generously shared her voices and insight in this study. Her courage, grace and brilliance are a constant inspiration to me. My husband, Dr. Tianjia Dong, deserves my heartfelt thanks for all the years of encouragement, mentoring and nurturance. His faith in me nourishes me and every intellectual progress that I make! As a thoughtful and productive sociologist, he has generously shared his wisdom and compassion on my research. In the past twenty four years of our life together and during our journey of doing doctoral study in America, we have experienced difficulties, joy, sadness and excitement along the way. Our mutually supported life experiences and our shared faith taught me so much about strength and resilience. Our ultimate goal toward social justice and equality has inspired me to write this book. I am deeply grateful for his encouragement, love and perspective. My son, Daniel Zai Qin-Dong, was born when I started this research. I still remember those days when I held him in my arms while reading and analyzing hundreds of pages of interview transcripts. His daily development and growth have kept my spirits up and made our life journey together more interesting. Now he has become a vibrant, smart and thoughtful little boy who likes to think and imagine a better world for people to live. I am so proud of him for being who he is, and so blessed that he is my son. I am deeply inspired by his unflagging encouragement and pure love. This book is for his future and the happiness of his generation. Dongxiao Qin Wilbraham, Massachusetts August 2008

Chapter One

Introduction

William James suggests that development of self is an on-going effort that involves the synthesis of different ideas about oneself and its multiple facets into a single idea of self.1 If the construction of self is, in James’ terms, an “on-going effort,” involving the synthesis of multiple facets of self, how much more complex is the process of the self-understanding of those who cross multiple geographic, cultural and psychological borders? Such border-crossers encounter different socio-cultural contexts in the host culture and their self-understanding may be seen to be complicated by the situational changes through which they may attempt to negotiate multiple facets of their self development. In this research I used a grounded theory approach to study the processes of self-understanding of a group of bordercrossers, that is, Chinese women graduate students in the United States as they made meaning of their socio-cultural experiences as international students who have crossed multiple geographic, cultural and psychological borders. The idea for the present study arose out of my personal experiences as a Chinese international woman graduate student in the U.S. and my feminist interest in women’s self issues, especially women’s self-understanding in cultural context. As Denzin2 stated, “interpretive interactionists find that their own worlds of experience are the proper subject matter of inquiry.” Further, I wanted to understand the transitional process of self-understanding among a group of Chinese women international students so that educators in U.S. higher education can better understand who they are and facilitate their successful completion of their studies in the host culture.

1

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Chapter One

BACKGROUND AND SIGNIFICANCE Today’s world is characterized by the mobility of its people. Changing one’s original geographic and cultural location for another has become a relatively commonplace phenomenon. For educators in the United States one important aspect of this geographic and cultural mobility is the increase of international students, who have become a “growth industry” in higher education.3 It has been estimated that in the United States more than $2.5 billion is devoted to the education of students from other countries each year. According to profiles from the Institute of International Education in late twentieth century, nearly six-tenths (59%) of the 419,590 foreign students who attended U.S. institutions of higher education came from Asia. The proportion of Asian graduate students accounted for 53% of the total foreign students in the U.S., the highest number of any world region. Chinese graduate students accounted for 83% of the total of Asian graduate students, the highest number of all Asian countries. Among them, 121,891 Chinese women graduate students attended U.S. institutions of higher education from 1991 to 1992, the highest number of all groups of international women graduate students in the United States. In 1999 about 40,000 Chinese students were enrolled in American colleges and universities, and Chinese students were the highest percentage of international students on many American campuses.4 Despite the significant number of Chinese women graduate students in the U.S, their socio-cultural and psychological experiences within American society have not been the focus of study or concern to educators or researchers.5 Although the superior academic performance of Chinese students has been demonstrated in a number of studies in several western countries,6 the lived experiences of these students in transition from their culture of origin to the host culture is an equally under-researched concern. Despite their large numbers, educators working with these students in U.S. universities pay little attention to them as individuals faced with particular social and psychological challenges. The small number of studies about this population has indicated a devaluing of one culture for the other and the disempowerment of students in relationships with the host culture, both of which have been found to have a negative psychological impact on many of these students. Such experiences have been found to impede their healthy self development and their greater motivation towards greater intellectual success in the United States.7 Among the limited literature exploring Chinese students’ socio-cultural experiences in the United States, a few studies are worth mentioning here. Yeh studied the cultural adaptation problems of the Chinese students in the U.S. and found that Chinese students like other foreign students suffered an “identity-crisis” in the host culture.8 This psychological turmoil or “identity-crisis”

Introduction

3

may become a threat to the integration of ego for those who are vulnerable to stress in the host culture. Huang examined the academic and personal life experiences of Chinese students and scholars in American higher education in the U.S. Through interviewing six Chinese male and female students about their life experiences, she identified a diversity of their experiences and feelings in the host culture.9 They felt that they had gained something and at the same time lost something because of the transition of cultural context. Chang did a qualitative study of moral voices among 30 mainland Chinese students in the U.S. through examining their lived experiences of moral conflict and choice. She found that these students’ responses to moral dilemmas varied with the nature of power relationships within those experiences.10 This study challenged current formulations in western moral psychology by calling attention to the situational moral problems and responses in lived relationships of power. Although these studies have focused on Chinese students’ life experiences in the host culture from psychological, social and moral perspectives, they did not focus on Chinese women students’ self-understanding. Just as significantly, they did not explore shifts in their socio-cultural experiences resultant from their having crossed multiple geographic, cultural and psychological borders. Chinese women students enter the host country with particular goals and expectations but face limitations once they are in the new cultural context. These women might face triple discrimination because of their socioeconomic status, gender and race. The process of moving into a different culture, and facing the accompanying economic, emotional and social challenges, suggests that Chinese women students may undergo dramatic changes in their self-understanding. The new cultural situations generate significant life experience. This experience may cause them to rethink themselves in the host culture. I sought to understand how such group of students understand these experiences. As they reflect on these experiences, do they generate alternative ways of thinking about themselves and these experiences in order to make meaning of them? The study I present here seeks to contribute knowledge about the processes of self-understanding of a sample of women from this large group of border-crossing women students in the U.S.A.

THEORETICAL GROUNDING This study is informed by multiple literatures, including self psychology in Western and Chinese worlds, cultural psychology and anthropology, feminist scholarship, and phenomenological, symbolic interaction and social cultural

4

Chapter One

theories. I briefly discuss key aspects from these literatures, thereby clarifying the assumptions underlying this study and situating them within a wider theoretical context. Self Psychology in Western and Chinese Worlds In Western psychology, the self often refers to the “ego-pole”,11 a “bounded container,”12 and a “bounded, unique, more or less integrated motivational and cognitive universe, a dynamic center of awareness, emotion, judgment, and action organized into a distinctive whole and set both against other such wholes and against a social and natural background.”13 This construal of self derives from a self-consciousness of the wholeness and uniqueness of the configuration of internal attributes.14 The notion of self as an assemblage of traits flowed from an implicit acceptance of 17th-century Cartesianism, in which the self is viewed as subject, an uninvolved entity passively contemplating the external world of things via representations that are held in the mind. This self possesses a body that houses the individual’s inner most feelings or traits. The self is always seen as subject and the social environment as object. In Chinese psychology, the ego that exhibits such innermost feeling and desire is what the Confucius refers to as the “small self”—the self that is a closed system. The “true self,” on the contrary, is public-spirited; and the “great self” is the self that is an open system.15 The self in Confucian thought is a public-spirited open system. To involve the other in one’s self construction is not only altruistic; it is required for one’s own self development. An authentic self growth is not only a broadening process but also a deepening process. The internal resources inherent in one’s self are multiplied through interaction with others. As one apprehends more of the other, one knows more of oneself. Thus the self as “an autonomous selfcontained entity” is unthinkable, and the manifestation of self is impossible except in the webs of relationships. In this view, a Confucian self devoid of human relatedness has little meaningful content of its own. Since the self in Confucian literature is often understood in terms of webs of relationships, the Confucian self is seen predominantly as a social being whose basic task is to learn the science and art of adjusting to the world. The presence of other is significant in Confucian self-cultivation. That the Confucian tradition has attached great importance to sociality in self-development is beyond dispute. These brief characterizations of the idea of “self” in Western and Chinese cultures confirm differences in their respective understanding of self, thus raising a critical question: As people cross borders between contexts domi-

Introduction

5

nated by Western views and those dominated by Confucian ideas, do they shift appraisals of themselves? Self in Anthropology and Cultural Psychology Anthropologists and cultural psychologists studying non-Western cultures argue that self and culture are co-constituted and co-constituting.16 They observe that the modern Western view of self as a “bounded container” or a selfcontained entity is peculiar in its cultural emphasis on separation and individuality.17 Many people in other cultures don’t conceptualize the self apart from his or her relationships. Others are included within the sense of self. They experience an interdependent self facilitated by their cultural values of collectivism and group-oriented practices. Although cultural psychologists have provided a social constructivist way of thinking of self and cultural contexts in a dialectical way, i.e., the self is more contextually defined in terms of larger socio-cultural scope, they have not adequately included gender, social class and power into their self theories. Rather culture is relatively defined in terms of values and cultural practices by such self-theorists. Self in Feminist Theories Challenges to the contemporary Western view of self as autonomous self-contained entity have been raised by feminist theorists including Miller;18 Jordan;19 Kaplan and Klein;20 Surrey;21 and Josselson22 among others, who argue that women have a different sense of “self-in-relation.” Being oneself, “a tendency peculiar to men’s view of authenticity has obscured the fact that relationships can lead to more, rather than less, authenticity.”23 These feminist theorists note that women’s authentic sense of self-in-relation is quite incompatible with men’s autonomous self conditioned by male dominant power in patriarchal society. Although feminists’ theories have traced the differences between men’s and women’s development of a sense of self to their differing positions of power in a patriarchal society, their theories are characterized by person/society dualism.24 The wider society they invoke is presumed to be homogenous in terms of gender and the larger social and cultural totality of race, class, culture, ethnicity and sexuality are not central in their seemingly essentialist and universalistic claims about the “gendered” self. Such “cultural relativist” theories on the essential nature of women’s caring sense of self have been challenged by critical feminists who argue that while women in the world construct their selves under patriarchy, they do so in differing relations to patriarchy due to social class, race, ethnicity, differing sexuality, and particular macro and local cultures along differing

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Chapter One

dimensions of power at particular social and historical moment.25 Insisting on gender differences without bringing in the social structural analyses of power relations within social and historical contexts leads to a biological and essentialist interpretation that women are more “caring” than men. Following this line of thinking about self and culture, critical feminist theorists further argued that culture is not neutral: it is grounded in material social relations along differing dimensions of power.26 Self that is embedded in such “critical” culture is referred as “ensembled individualism”27 and “social individuality.”28 Critical feminists bring a social structural analysis to their studies of women’s self-constructions. In response to the critiques of essentialism, these theorists have begun to acknowledge differences among women (due to their race, class, ethnicity, sexuality, power, and age) and tried to theorize women’s self-in-diversity.29 Self in Phenomenology, Symbolic Interaction and Sociocultural Theories Heideggerian phenomenology, symbolic interactionism and sociocultualist theories provide alternatives to essentialist approaches by attending to the dialectical relationship between persons and the multiple dimensions of sociocultural and historical contexts. In Heideggerian phenomenology, being a self means “being-in-the world.” Phenomenologically, “world” is the meaningful set of relationships, practices, and language that we have by virtue of being born into a culture. This notion of the self as constituted by world is fundamentally different from the Cartesian notion of the self as a possession. Self, in the Heideggerian view, is a situated self. Thus, while the self constitutes its world, it is also constrained in the possible ways in which it can constitute the world by its language, culture, history, purposes, and values.30 Symbolic interactionism31 and social constructivism32 have contributed to a movement in psychology that is marked by a turn away from essentialist and individualistic conceptions of persons to a conception of persons that is inescapably rooted in a social context. Symbolic interactionists and socioculturalists have stressed the dynamic interplay between self and society. Self and the social surroundings are inextricably linked in the development of self.33 All selves are socio-cultural specific selves that emerge as people actively adjust to their socio-cultural environments, and all experience is at once both individual and cultural.34 Self is in a dialectical relationship with the socio-cultural context, that is, socio-cultural contexts give rise to the self and in turn, these selves maintain, create and transform culture.35 Constructing self is an on-going effort that involves the synthesis of different ideas about oneself and defining oneself in interactions with others.36 Self is different from social identities and it is more related to a state of subjectivity that grasps the multiple

Introduction

7

identities that a person enacts.37 Constructing selves involves reflective selfawareness of social identities, connections to others, and continuity across the life span. Toward a Critical and Local Interpretation of Culture and Self In contrast to the existing universalistic and essentialist interpretations of culture and self, many critical theorists and social thinkers have defined “culture” from more critical and local perspectives. According to critical feminist and critical cultural perspectives, culture is not neutral: it is grounded in material relations of power. It is through local cultural practices and cultural ideology that oppressive patriarchal, racist, and classiest structures are reproduced. Given research that indicates that culture, ethnicity, class, gender and power have a profound influence on constructions of self, psychologists need to take a critical cultural perspective to study self and examine the intersections of culture, class, race, power and gender. Critical feminist theorists argue that a neutral conceptualization of culture is due to apolitical scientific rationality and humanistic relativism which fails to challenge the issue of power and its role in shaping the cultural reality and world view that groups hold.38 The humanistic relativism of cultural psychologists and dominant feminists ignores the ways that culture is composed of asymmetrical material relations along differing positions of power in a larger social structure. Reconceptulizing culture as critical and local is important for psychologists to study people’s experiences of culture and self. A critical and local interpretation of culture and self is a helpful theoretical framework to the present study because it adds to specific, critical and local knowledge that leads to understanding Chinese women graduate students’ self construction in a changing socio-cultural context. Such critical and local theories are useful to address questions of specifically how power as articulated in race, ethnicity, class , gender and cultural relations is exercised and transformed in these women students’ self-understanding as they moved from their culture of origin to the host culture.

THE INQUIRY Chinese women graduate students are one of many minorities in U.S. universities. As female students of color, they are frequently marginalized by culture of origin, race, social class background and gender. Literature indicates that cultural mobility involves a change in socio-cultural conditions.39 The multiple geographic, cultural and psychological border crossings as one migrates

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Chapter One

from one’s culture of origin to a new host culture provide a context for examining how the shifting socio-cultural contexts influence the processes of self-understanding. My inquiry focused on how a small sample of Chinese women graduate students understand themselves through making meaning of their experiences of crossing such borders. Based on these ideas, the present study approached Chinese women’s sense of self inductively. Instead of departing from a priori assumptions, the study sought to understand and analyze Chinese women students from their points of view and their self-understanding drawing on their experiences in China and in the host culture. The primary research question of interest is of self-understanding, a question that is best answered by inductive research approaches such as grounded theory. In an inductive research process, the research question is a “statement that identifies the phenomenon to be studied” rather than a hypothesis to be tested.40 Thus, this qualitative study examined how Chinese women graduate students in the United States understood themselves as they made meaning of their experiences as students who have crossed geographic, cultural and psychological borders. This study sought to explore the processes of these women students’ self-understanding by giving voices to their storytelling of their life experiences and analyzing the self-understanding implicit in these stories. The lived experiences of Chinese women graduate students also provide a context for exploring the ways in which border-crossers negotiate critical cultural elements and rethink themselves across multiple geographic, cultural and psychological borders. As such, this study will also provide critical self theorists an empirical basis for future researching and thinking about self construction. Despite the large number of Chinese women graduate students in the host culture, that is, the United States of America, educators working with these students in U.S. universities pay little attention to them as individuals faced with particular social and psychological challenges. Others have documented how the devaluing of one culture for the other and the disempowerment experienced in relationships with the host culture have had a negative psychological impact on many of these students.41 Further, such experiences have been found to impede their healthy self development and their motivation towards greater intellectual success in the United State. Thus, this study also seeks to help educators in American higher education to understand the diversity of these students’ experiences, expectations, and desires by providing them with information on these students’ self- understandings as they interpret the experiences they have moved across borders. Educators will thereby have additional resources for creating enriching cultural and educational environments and practices to facilitate these students’ intellectual and professional success in U.S. culture.

Introduction

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NOTES 1. James, W. Psychology. (Greenwich, Conn: Fawcett, 1896). 2. Denzin, N.K. “The art and politics of interpretation.” In N.K. Denzin & Y.S Lincoln (Eds.), Handbook of Qualitative Research. (Thousands Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994), 500–515. 3. Altbach, P.G.& Lulat, Y.G.M. “International students in comparative perspective: Toward a political economy of international study.” In P.Altbach, D.Kelly, and Y.Lulat (Eds) Research on Foreign Students and International Study. (New York: Praeger, 1985), 1–65. 4. Qian, N. Chinese Students Encounter America. Translated by T.K. Chu. (University of Washington Press, 2002). 5. Fasheh, M. “Foreign students in the United States: An enriching experience or a wasteful one?” Contemporary Educational Psychology, 3 (1984): 313–320. 6. Stevenson, H.W., Lee, S.Y., & Stigler, J. “Mathematics achievement of Chinese, Japanese and American children” Science (1986) 231: 693–699. Ahn, P. & Son, L. “Preliminary finding on Asian-Americans: The model minority in a small private East Coast college.” Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology (1991) 22: 404–417. 7. Furnham, A., & Bocher, S. Cultural Shcok: Psychological Reactions Unfamiliar Environments. (London: Methuen, 1986). 8. Yen, E.K. (1976). “Cross-cultural adaptation and personal growth: The case of Chinese students.” Acta Psychologica Taiwanica. (1976) 18: 95–104. Yen, E.K., Chu, H.M., Klein, M.H., Alexander, A.A. & Miller, M.H. (1979). “Psychiatric implications of cross-cultural education: Chinese students in the U.S.A.” Acta Psychologica Taiwanica (1979) 21: 1–26. 9. Huang, J. Chinese Students and Scholars in American Higher Education. (Praeger Publishers, West, Westport, CT. 1997). 10. Chang, K. A. “Culture, power and the social construction of morality: moral voices of Chinese students.” Journal of Moral Education. (1996) 25: 141–157. 11. Heidgger, M. Being and time. Translated by John Macquarrie & Edward Robinson. (New York, Harper: 1962). 12. Sampson, E.E. Celebrating the Other: A Dialogic Dccount of Human Nature. (Boulder CO: Westview Press, 1993). 13. Geertz, C. On the Nature of Anthropological Understanding America Scientist. (New York: Basic Books, 1975). p. 48. 14. Sampson, E.E. “The decentralization of identity: Toward a revised concept of personal and social order.” American Psychologist, (1985) 40: 1203–1211. Sampson, E.E. “The debates on individualism: indigenous psychology of the self and their role in personal and societal function.” American Psychologist, (1988) 43: 15–22. Sampson, E.E. “The challenge of social change for psychology: Globalization and psychology’s theory of the person.” American Psychologist, (1989) 44: 914–21.

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Sampson, E.E. (1993b). “Identity politics: Challenges to psychology’s understanding.” American Psychologist. (1993) 48: 1219–1230. 15. Tu, W.M. Confucian Thought: Selfhood as Creative Transformation. (State University of New York Press, 1985). 16. Geertz, C. On the Nature of Anthropological Understanding American Scientist. 1975. Tu, W.M. Confucian Thought: Selfhood as Creative Transformation, 1985. Markus, H. R. & Kitayama, S. “Culture and the self: Implications for cognition, emotion, and motivation.” Psychological Review, (1991) 96:224–235. Markus H. & Nurius, P. “ Possible selves.” American Psychologist, (1986) 41: 954–969. Markus, H. & Wurf, E. “The dynamic self-concept: A social psychological perspective.” Annual Review of Psychology, (1987)38: 299–337. Marsella, A. “Culture, Self, and Mental Disorder,” In Culture and self: Asian and American perspectives. Anthony Marsella, Deorge Devos, and Francis Hsu, Eds. (New York: Tavistock Publications: 1985), pp 281–308. Mead, G.H. Mind, Self and Society, edited by Charles W. Norris, (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1934) p.234. Shweder, R.A., & Bourne, E.J. “Does the concept of the person vary cross-culturally?” In R.A. Shweder, & R.A. Levine (Eds.) Culture Theory: Essays on Mind, Self, and Emotion. (Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press, 1984). Shweder, R. Thinking Through Cultures: Expeditions in Cultural Psychology. (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1991). 17. Sampson, E.E. “Identity politics: Challenges to psychology’s understanding.” American Psychologist. (1993b) 48: 1219–1230. 18. Miller, J.B. Towards a New Psychology of Women. ( Boston Beacon Press, 1976). Miller, J.B. “The development of women’s sense of self.” In J.V. Jordan, A.G. Kaplan, J.B. Miller, I.P.Stiver & J.L. Surrey (Eds.), Women’s Growth in Connection. (NY: The Guilford Press, 1991). 19. Jordan, J.V., Kaplan, & Surrey, J.L. “Women and empathy: Implications for psychological development and psychotherapy.” In J.V. Jordan, A.G. Kaplan, J.B. Miller, I.P.Stiver, and J.L. Surrey (Eds.) Women’s Growth in Connection: Writings from the Stone Center. (NY: Guilford Press, 1991), pp. 197–205. 20. Kaplan A. & Klein, R. “The relational self in late adolescent women.”Work in Progress. (Wellesley, MA: Stone Center Working Paper Series, 1985). 21. Surrey, J. “The ‘self-in-relation’: A theory of women’s development.” In A. Kaplan, J.B. Miller, I.Stiver, J.L. Surrey (Eds.), Women’s Growth in Connection. (Guilford Press. New York, London, 1991). 22. Josselson, R. Finding herself: Pathways to Identity Development in Women. (San Francisco: Hossey-Bass, 1987). 23. Miler, J.B. Toward A New Psychology of Women, 1976. 24. Griscom, J.L. “Women and power: definition, dualism, and difference.” Psychology of Women Quarterly, (1992)16: 389–414.

Introduction

11

25. Brabeck, M.M. Who cares? Theory, Research and Educational Implications of the Ethic of Care. (New York: Praeger Publisers, 1989). Brabeck, M.M. “The moral self, values, and circles of belongings.” In K.F. Wyche & F.J. Crosby (Ed.) Women’s Ethnicities: Journeys through Psychology. (Boulder, CO: Westview Press, 1996) pp. 145–165. Brabeck, M.M., & Larned, A.G. “What do we know about women’s way of knowing.” In M.R. Walsh, (Ed.),Women,M en and Gender: On-going Debates (New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1997) pp. 261–269. Collins, P.H. Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment. (New York, NY: Routledge, 1990). Hare-Mustin, R.T. and Marecek, J. “The meaning of gender differences: Gender theory, postmodernism and psychology.” American Psychologist, (1988) 43:455–464. hooks, b. Yearning: Race, Gender, and Cultural politics. (South End Press, Boston: 1990). Lykes, M.B. “The caring self: Social experiences of power and powerlessness.” In M. Brabeck (Ed.), Who Cares: Theory, Research, and Educational Implications of the Ethic of Care. (New York: Praeger, 1989). Lykes, M.B. “Whose meeting at which crossroads? A response to Brown and Gilligan.” Feminism & Psychology, (1994) 4: 345–359. Stewart, A.J., & Lykes, M.B. (Eds.). Conceptualizing gender in personality theory and research. In Gender and Personality: Current Perspectives on Theory and Research (Durham, NC: Duke University Press, 1985) pp 2–13. Stewart, A.J. & Ostrove, J.M. “Social class, social change, and gender: workingclass women at Radcliffe and after.” Psychology of Women Quarterly (1993)17: 475–497. 26. Lykes, M.B. “The caring self: Social experiences of power and powerlessness” 1989. Lykes, M.B. “Whose meeting at which crossroads? A response to Brown and Gilligan” 1994. 27. Sampson, E.E. Celebrating the Other: A Dialogic Dccount of Human Nature. (Boulder CO: Westview Press, 1993). 28. Lykes, M.B. Gender and individualistic vs. collective bases of social Individuality, 1985. 29. Surrey, J. Relationship and empowerment. Work in Progress. No.30. (Wellesley, MA: Stone Center, 1985) Jordan, J.V., Kaplan, & Surrey, J.L. “Women and empathy: Implications for psychological development and psychotherapy” 1991. Gilligan, C. In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women’s Development. (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1982). 30. Leonard, V.W. (1989). A Heideggerian phenomenological perspective on the concept of the person. Advances in Nursing Science. 11 (4), 40–55. 31. Dewey, J. Experience and Nature. (Lasalle, IL: Open Court Publishers, 1926). James, W. Psychology. 1896. Mead, G.H. Mind, Self and Society, 1934.

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Peirce, C.S. Selected Writings. P. Weiner (Ed.) (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1878) 32. Gergen K.J. & Gergen, M.M. “Narratives of the self.” In T.R. Sarbin & K. Scheibe (Eds.), Studies in Social Identity (New York: Praeger, 1983) 254–273 Gergen, K.J. “The social constructivist movement in modern psychology.” American Psychologist, 40 (1985) 3: 266–275. 33. DeVos, G. E. & Suarez-Orozco, M. Ethnic belonging and status mobility. In G. E. DeVos & M. Suarez-Orozco, Status Inequality: The Self in Culture. (Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications, 1990) Oyserman, D., & Markus, H.R. The Sociocultural Self. In J.Suls (Ed.), Psychological perspectives on the self, (Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 1993) Vol 4: 187–220. 34. Markus, H. R. & Kitayama, S. “Culture and the self: Implications for cognition, emotion, and motivation.” Psychological Review, (1991) 96:224–235. Rogoff, B. Apprenticeship in Thinking: Cognitive Development in Social Context. (New York: Oxford University Press, 1990). Rogoff, B., Radziszewska, B., & Masiello, T. “Analysis of developmental processes in sociocultural activity.” In L.Martin, D.Nelson, & E. Toback (Eds.), Sociocultural Psychology: Theory and Practice of Doing and Knowing. (Cambridge University Press, 1995), 125–149. 35. Oyserman, D., & Markus, H.R. The Sociocultural Self, 1993. 36. James, W. Psychology. 1896. Mead, G.H. Mind, Self and Society, 1934. 37. Katiyama, S., & Markus, H.R. “Culture and Self: Implications for internationalizing psychology” In N.R. Goldberger & J.Veroff (Eds.) The Culture and Psychology Reader (New York: New York University Press, 1995), 366–383. 38. Brabeck, M.M. Who cares? Theory, Research and Educational Implications of the Ethic of Care, 1989. Brabeck, M.M. “The moral self, values, and circles of belongings.” 1996. Brabeck, M.M., & Larned, A.G. “What do we know about women’s way of knowing.” 1997. Collins, P.H. Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment, 1990. Hare-Mustin, R.T. and Marecek, J. “The meaning of gender differences: Gender theory, postmodernism and psychology”, 1988 hooks, b. Yearning: Race, Gender, and Cultural Politics,1990. Lykes, M.B. “The caring self: Social experiences of power and powerlessness” 1989. Lykes, M.B. “Whose meeting at which crossroads? A response to Brown and Gilligan.” Feminism & Psychology, 1994. Stewart, A.J., & Lykes, M.B. (Eds.). Conceptualizing gender in personality theory and research, 1985. Stewart, A.J. & Ostrove, J.M. “Social class, social change, and gender: workingclass women at Radcliffe and after, 1993.

Introduction

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39. Chang, K.A. “Culture, power and the social construction of morality: moral voices of Chinese students.” Journal of Moral Education. (1996) 25: 141–157. 40. Strauss, A. & Corbin,J. “Grounded theory methodology: An overview.” In N.K. Denzin & Y.S. Lincoln (Eds.), Handbook of qualitative research (Thousands Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994), 273–283. 41. Chang, K.A. “Culture, power and the social construction of morality: moral voices of Chinese students”, 1996.

Chapter Two

A Critical Review of Traditional Models of Self Development

(Part of this chapter was published in the article authored by Dongxiao Qin “Toward a Critical Feminist Perspective of Culture and Self” in Feminism & Psychology, Vol. 14(2): 297–312, 2004.) According to Strauss and Corbin,1 the researcher’s theoretical sensitivity is the key to the grounded theory research. One of the important sources of theoretical sensitivity comes from being well grounded in the review of the “technical literature” because “the literature can be used to stimulate theoretical sensitivity by providing concepts and relationships that are checked out against actual data.”2 In the introduction, I briefly discussed the key aspects of theoretical frameworks and clarified the assumptions underlying this study. In this chapter, I will provide a critical review of the major self theories in western psychology and situate my study within respective theoretical frameworks to clarify the theoretical relevance to this study.

SELF IN WESTERN PSYCHOLOGY I begin by discussing self psychology in Western and Chinese worlds. This discussion is relevant to the present study because the research examined the changes of self-understandings of a small group of Chinese women graduate students who moved from their collectivist Chinese culture to an individualistic American culture. Because self and culture are co-constituted and coconstituting,3 it is relevant to discuss how self is differently constituted and understood in a collectivist vs. individualistic cultural context. As the findings of this study will indicate, these Chinese women’s senses of self in their cul14

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ture of origin were embedded in webs of relationships. After moving into the United States, these women students encountered conflicts between their collectivist ways of being and doing vs. individualistic ways of being and doing in the host culture. In response, they re-apprehended and rewove their selves when they changed socio-cultural contexts. “That individualism has been at the heart of American thought from the beginning is hardly an issue for contention.”4 In the course of American history, the self has become ever more detached from the social and cultural contexts that embody the traditions. “Self-reliance” is a nineteenth-century term, popularized by Ralph Waldo Emerson’s famous essay of that title, and it still comes easily to the minds of many Americans today. Emerson, in his essay “Self-Reliance” even declared the individual and society to be in opposition. “Society” he said, “is everywhere in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members.”5 Emerson was speaking to the world of the independent citizens and insisting that the conformity exacted by small-town America was too coercive. His friend Thoreau would push this teaching to an extreme in his classic experiment at Walden Pond.6 It’s clear that the image of the selfreliant and transcendent individual has become much a part of American thought and ideology. In order to affirm a self-celebratory cultural belief, Western psychology has participated and encouraged the belief in an oppositional relationship between self and other. The existing self developmental theory concerns the common notion that development evolves through ladder-like stages of ever increasing levels of separation, autonomy and personal independence. The mainstream self theory emphasizes “the separate self,” an autonomous, selfsufficient and contained entity.7 The traditional developmental models were framed and grounded in Western cultural ideology of individualism. The central theme of traditional developmental models emphasizes the stage development of ever increasing levels of separation and personal independence. The “normal” development was abstracted from the various relationships that an individual has. In reality, human development is socially and culturally contextualized. The self in Western psychology refers to a “bounded container”8 and a “bounded, unique, more or less integrated motivational and cognitive universe, a dynamic center of awareness, emotion, judgment, and action organized into a distinctive whole and set both against other such wholes and against a social and natural background.”9 Geertz’s indictment of this “peculiar” western self as “a bounded universe or a distinctive whole” seems to refer more to the way dominant groups in many Western societies— usually men—define and value persons as self-contained than to the way everyone in the Western world defines and values persons. This Western construal of self derives from self-consciousness of the wholeness and uniqueness

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of the configuration of internal attributes. The notion of self as an assemblage of traits flows from an implicit acceptance of 17th-century Cartesianism and the self is viewed as subject, an uninvolved entity passively contemplating the external world of things via representations that are held in the mind. This self possesses a body and, by extension, traits or attributes such as anxiety and self-esteem. The self is always seen as subject and the world, or the environment, as object. The self characterized as a privatized self-contained entity exhibits a firm self-other boundary. Sampson observed, “The boundary of the individual is coincident with the boundary of the body; the body is a container that houses the individual; the individual is best understood as a self-contained entity.”10 The self celebratory quality of Western cultural understanding of human nature is built upon this tripartite foundation, with its container view of the individual. It tells us that individuals begin and end at the limits of their body. Although the self-contained individual must also be responsive to the social environment, and social situations, in general, are important, their responsiveness to social resources derives from the need to verify and affirm the inner core of the self.11 This exclusive conception of the individual defines the self as a separate entity whose essence can be meaningfully abstracted from the various relationships, and in-group membership that he or she has. “We are dealing here not with a cultural view that is merely self-celebratory, but rather-with one that is so only by actively suppressing differences and otherness . . . The idea of self-containment as a way of being a person in the world is a belief without foundation in the actual terms by which all people must necessarily live. It is a lie.”12

SELF IN CHINESE PSYCHOLOGY In contrast to the “peculiar” Western self as “a self-contained entity,” self in Chinese psychology is embedded in webs of relationships. In Chinese culture, self is very much influenced by traditional Confucianism, which has become a dominant philosophy and “human ethics” guiding the mind, thoughts and behavior of Chinese. Confucian teachings are not abstract, they are primarily concerned with human relationships and interactions. Confucius considered individuals to be linked in a web of social relations. The family serves as the most important prototype in human relations.13 For example, of the five cardinal relations articulated by Confucius (between king and subjects, father and son, elder brother and younger brother, husband and wife, and between friends), three are based on family.14 Lee noted, “according to Confucianism, social relations are nothing more than an expansion of this family relationship.”15

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Hsu verified the importance of family in Chinese culture in a study examining the psychological homeostasis (PSH) as a unit of analyzing self. He discussed the Chinese conception of “Jen” (person) as a place of the individual in a web of interpersonal relationships, while that individual’s wishes, predilections, and anxieties are judged according to whether they contribute to or destroy his interpersonal relationships. Jen is a “Galilean” view of humankind that sees people in terms of larger whole, as contrasted to the Western “Ptolemian” view that sees the individual as the center of his or her world.16 Tu also said that “a distinctive feature of Confucian teachings is an ever deepening and broadening awareness of the presence of the other in one’s self-cultivation.”17 The Confucian idea of self as a center of relationships is an open system. It’s only through the web of social relations that the self can maintain a wholesome and personal identity. The social relations that define the self in terms of family, community, and society are the realms of selfhood. The self in Confucian thought is a public-spirited open system. To involve the other in one’s self construction is not only altruistic; it is required for one’s own self-development. Authentic self growth is not only a broadening process but also a deepening process. As I myself resonate with other selves, the internal resources inherent in me are multiplied. I acquire an appreciation of myself through genuine communication with other; as I know more of myself, I apprehend more of the other. Thus the self as “an ultimately autonomous being” is unthinkable, and the manifestation of self is impossible except in matrices of human relations. Ironically, in the Confucian tradition, the more individualistic and narcissistic one is, the less one is a “self.”18 It is commonly assumed that by stressing the importance of social relations, Confucian thought has undermined the autonomy of the individual self. In this view, a Confucian self devoid of human relatedness has little meaningful content of its own. Since the self in Confucian literature is often understood in terms of webs of relationships, the Confucian self is seen predominantly as a social being whose basic task is to learn the science and art of adjusting to the world.19 The presence of other is significant in Confucian self-cultivation. That the Confucian tradition has attached great importance to sociality in self-development is beyond dispute. Surely a characteristic of Confucian thought is its concern for social ethics.20 Yet the concepts such as personal integration, self-realization and ultimate concern must also be used.21 To learn to be an authentic self in the Confucian sense is both to be honest with oneself and loyal to others. It also entails a ceaseless process through which humanity in its all-embracing fullness is concretely revealed. The idea of learning for the sake of self could not have meant a quest for a pure individuality. Self in the classic Confucian sense refers to a center of

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relationships, a communal quality which is never conceived of as an isolated entity. The self-development is never out of the context of social relations. One’s ability to harmonize human relations does indeed indicate self-cultivation. Therefore there is always a dialectical process between self-cultivation and human relations. Confucian self-cultivation presupposes that cultivating self is never the private possession of a single individual but a sharable experience that underlies common humanity. Tu wrote interestingly: It is not at all surprising that, despite the centrality of self-cultivation in Confucian learning, autobiographic literature exhibiting secret thoughts, private feelings, and innermost desires and drives is extremely rare in the Confucian tradition. Obviously, the cultivated self is not private property that we carefully guard against intrusion from outside. The ego that has to be protected against submersion in the waves of social demand is what the Confucian refer to as ‘ssu’ (the privatized self, the small self, the self that is a closed system). The true self, on the contrary, is public-spirited, and the great self is the self that is an open system. As an open system, the self in the genuine sense of the world is an expansive and always receptive to the world at large.22

Clearly, the Chinese conception of unique individuality stands in contrast to the autonomous individuality which attends the isolation of one’s soul from other souls, and ontologically, from the illusory world of sensual perception. The uniqueness of the self in Confucian culture is immanent within a ceaseless process of broadening and deepening webs of social relations along differing circles of associations and power that are essential to one’s selfhood. The self psychology in Western and Chinese worlds is grounded in its respective different philosophical, psychological and cultural orientations. Culture and self are seen as interdependent and dialectically interrelated to one another. Since cultural traditions and social practices have been philosophically diverse, the human psyche and the self-understanding which are regulated, expressed, transformed by the socio-cultural norms, values, philosophical orientations, and cultural practices would result less in psychic unity for humankind than in cultural divergences in mind, self and emotion.23 Thus the question of whether these women students change appraisal of self from collective to bounded self within the context of cultural mobility could only be partially understood in this review of self psychology in Western and Chinese world. But this cultural interpretation of Chinese self as “being in webs of relationships” vs. Western self as “a container” has limitations in its “cultural relativist” view of self concepts that are abstracted from other critical social, historical and power relations embedded in lived experiences in their culture

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of origin and the host culture. For example, how specifically they understood themselves in the “webs of relationships” that might be differentiated along the power relations in their culture of origin? When they moved into an individualist Western culture, how specifically are their self-understandings repositioned in the socio-cultural relations that might be transformed by the shifted race, class, gender and power relations in the host culture? Therefore, a theory toward a critical and local interpretation of culture and self in Western and Chinese world is needed to fully address the changes in self-understandings among these Chinese women graduate students from their culture of origin and the host culture.

SELF IN ANTHROPOLOGY AND CULTURAL PSYCHOLOGY It is meaningful to review the diverse self constructions in anthropology and cultural psychology literatures. A cultural perspective can demonstrate how structures and processes of one’s sense of self are cultural and historical constructions. In the case of the present study, Chinese women students’ particularized senses of self were grounded in the complex of consensual understandings and customary behavioral routines relevant to being a self in a given socio-cultural and historical context. Such socio-cultural understandings of their selves have influenced the form and function of their psychological processes that comprised their self—what they noticed and thought about, what they felt moved to do, what they felt, how they felt, and how they organized, understood, and gave meaning to their experiences. From this perspective, these women’s selves were culture-specific selves that emerged as they actively adjusted to differing cultural environments, because all their experiences were at once both individual and cultural. Challenges to the modern Western view of self development have also come from anthropologists and cultural psychologists who study how self and culture are co-constituting and co-constituted in cross-cultural contexts. They define “culture” as a symbolic and behavioral inheritance received from the historic and ancestral past, which provides a community with a framework for other-directed and vicarious learning and for collective deliberations about what is true, beautiful, good and normal.24 As noted above, the modern Western view is peculiar in its cultural emphasis on individualism. Many other cultures value collectivism and do not conceptualize the person apart from his or her relationships. They exhibit what Sampson called ensembled individualism, in which the self versus the non-self boundary is less sharply drawn and others are included within the sense of self.25 For Markus and Kitayama the Japanese interdependent self is

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a “self-in-relation-to-other” so that, “the expression and the experience of emotions and motives may be significantly shaped and governed by a consideration of the reactions of others.”26 For Shweder and Bourne, Indian self is “sociocentric” since individual interests are subordinated to the good of the collectivity.27 For Dio28, Ho29 and Kim & Berry30 the self in traditional Asian cultures cannot be defined outside of its relationships. For Howell,31 the Chewong of Malaysia do not distinguish sharply between the individual and nature. For Smith,32 the Maorie person is not considered to be the primary agent determining his or her own life. For Brabeck,33 Mayans’ sense of self in Guatemala arises from and has meaning only within “circles of belonging”-the community. For Kirkpatrick and White, a non-western self conception is one in which some collectivity—“the family, community, and even the land is a cultural unit with experiential capacities.”34 According to Marsella,35 a non-Western self is extended to include a wide variety of significant others and includes a de-emphasis on individual autonomy and independence. The key characteristics of the non-Western self are interdependencies, dependence, and fluid boundaries. The variety of examples we considered above also suggest that the degree to which individuals relate to others or society is inclusive. The inclusive self conception defines the individual as a self-in-relation-to-others rather than a thoroughly self-contained, separate entity. The self construction in collectivist cultures is in and through the social relations of the community to which they owe a continuing loyalty. This does not mean the inclusive sociocentric self is not self-celebratory but it celebrates in different ways. The nature of the celebrated sociocentric self in collectivist cultures is far more widely and inclusively defined than the individualistic self in Western cultures.36 While cultural psychologists explored the self in a wider culture that is composed of symbolic and behavioral inheritances of a community, still they didn’t bring the critical cultural components, i.e., race, class, gender and power, into their analysis of cultural construals of self. As such, the difference between independent and interdependent construals of self is still dualist in its symbolic “cultural” dichotomy between Western and non-Western cultures where “culture” subsumes race, class, ethnicity and power. Once again, we find that self is theorized from a relativist and dualistic perspective: European and American individualistic culture vs. Asian and non-western collectivist culture. Focus on the dualistic theorizing of the self is extensive throughout the cultural psychology literature. Kagitcibasi37 critiques this tendency within cultural psychology by arguing that greater differences are found between, rather than across, cultural and ethnic groups. Therefore, if the critical cultural elements like class, race, gender and power are not known, differences cannot be attributed to ethnic or cultural differences.

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SELF IN PHENOMENOLOGY, SYMBOLIC INTERACTION AND SOCIO-CULTURAL THEORIES The present study also draws upon phenomenology, symbolic interaction and socio-cultural theories to understand the ways in which Chinese women students constructed selves in a dialectical relationship with the socio-cultural contexts of their culture of origin and the host culture. The process of their self-understanding is a fluid, dynamic, ongoing process by which self is constituted in and through social interactions with others. Understanding self, for them, is a lifelong process, continuously defined in and through one’s experiences in different socio-cultural contexts. In Heideggerian phenomenology, being a self means “being-in-the world.”38 The phenomenological view on self-concept focuses on the relationship of the self to the world. Phenomenologically, “world” is the meaningful set of relationships, practices, and language that we have by virtue of being born into a culture. World, according to Heidegger, is a priori. It is given in our cultural and linguistic practices and in our history. World is both constituted by and constitutive of the self. This notion of the self as constituted by world is fundamentally different from the Cartesian notion of the self as a possession. The world is constitutive in that the self is raised up in the world and shaped by it in a process that is not the causal interaction of the self and the world as objects, but rather the non-reflective taking up of the meanings, linguistic skills, cultural practices, and family traditions by which we become persons and by which things become evident for us. The self as possession and project is the modern subject: autonomous, disengaged, disembodied, rationally choosing actions on the basis of explicit, cognitively held principles and values. The self as possession has a body and traits or characteristics that belong to it. Along with this view goes a view of the self as a radically free, autonomous agent: “the human subject as a sovereign agent of choice, whose ends are chosen rather than given.”39 Heidegger argues that self is situated, as being-in-the-world and therefore, as Benner says, “not a radically free arbiter of meaning.”40 The Heideggerian view is also a teleological view of the self, inconceivable apart from and prior to its ends and purposes, whereas for the radical free self of Cartesianism, values and purposes are the products of choice, “the possessions of a self given prior to its ends.”41 Self, in the Heideggerian view, is situated self. Thus, while the self constitutes its world, it is also constrained in the possible ways in which it can constitute the world by its language, culture, history, purposes, and values. World is neither held in the mind nor “out there” to be apprehended. While each of us may constitute his or her world in the sense of taking up in a personal way the common meanings given in our culture,

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we nevertheless have some aspects of world in common with all other members who share our language and culture.42 The notion that the individual is inescapably rooted in a social context has been pivotal in symbolic interactionist theory. William James,43 Sander Peirce,44 John Dewey45 and George Herbert Mead46 figure prominently in the development of social interactionism and all have expressed and defended an interaction theory of the origin of self and society, stressing the reciprocity and dynamic interplay between society and self. William James was the first modern social psychologist to attempt to define self. He wrote, “In its widest possible sense . . . a man’s self is the sum total of all that he can call his, not only his body and his psychic power, but his reputation and house, his wife and his children, his ancestors and his friends, his reputation and his works, his lands and horses, and yacht and bank account”47. This statement suggests that to have a self is to be a man. It is also to be a man with substantial means. People recognize that their attributes, possessions, and friends are associated with them and that others (as well as they themselves) categorize and evaluate them on the basis of these things. James divided components of self into the “I,” the self-as-knower, and the “Me,” the self-as-known. The “I” is the experiencing active being. The “me” is a person’s perception of himself or herself as an object. Self-awareness, or reflexivity, is the uniquely human capacity to be both subject and object to one’s self, literally to be able to think (as a subject) about one’s self (as an object). Self is all the consequences of this self- and otherawareness-our convictions, values, motives, and experiential history, carried in the spatial and temporal boundaries of our physical bodies. Mead further writes: “The individual reaches himself only through communication with others, only through the elaboration of social processes by means of significant communication.”48 In sum, then, society for Mead represents those constructed patterns of coordinated activities that are maintained by and changed through symbolic interaction among and within actors. Both the maintenance of and changes in society, therefore, occur through the processes of mind and self. Mead’s concepts appear to emphasize that society shapes mind and self, whereas mind and self affect society—a simple but profound observation for the times but one that needed supplementation.49 Although Mead analyzed the process of society-in-relation-to-self, there still exists a distinction between self and society. Society as an external fact impinges on the individual. Society is not an intrinsic part of the self. Self/society dualism is still a problem in symbolic interaction theory. Cooley addressed the relation of the self to context in noting: “It (the self) might also, and perhaps most justly, be compared to the nucleus of a living cell, not altogether separate from the surrounding matter, out of which indeed it is formed, but more active and definitely organized.”50

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To resolve the self/society dualism in symbolic interaction theory, socioculturalist theories help to view self development from a dialectical perspective that depicts the social construction of self as a fluid, dynamic, on-going process by which self is constituted in and through social interactions.51 Self and the social surroundings are inextricably linked in the development of self.52 All selves are socio-cultural specific selves that emerge as people actively adjust to their socio-cultural environments, and all experience is at once both individual and cultural.53 Self is in a dialectical relationship with the socio-cultural context, that is, socio-cultural contexts give rise to the self and in turn, these selves maintain, create and transform culture.54 Constructing self is an on-going effort that involves the synthesis of different ideas about oneself and defining oneself in interactions with others. Self is different from social identities and it is more related to a state of subjectivity that grasps the multiple identities that a person enacts.55 Constructing selves involves reflective self-awareness of social identities, connections to others, and continuity across the lifespan.56 The phenomenological, symbolic interaction and socio-culturalist theories are helpful to understand the ways in which Chinese women students have negotiated selves in a dialectical relationship with the socio-cultural context of their culture of origin and the host culture. But the specific dialectical relationships between the critical cultural elements (e.g., culture, race, class, gender, ethnicity and power) and its impact on the on-going process of one’s self-understanding are not systematically addressed in these theories. Thus a critical and local theory that synthesizes the dialectical relationships between culture and self is needed in this study of the changes of self-understanding among these women students.

SELF IN CULTURAL FEMINIST THEORIES To provide a critical interpretation of culture and self, the review of the feminist theories, especially, those critical feminist theories on culture and self is helpful to interpret Chinese women students’ self-understanding in this study. As women students of color in U.S. universities, they might face triple discrimination because of their socioeconomic status, race and gender. The process of geographic, cultural and psychological border-crossing from their culture of origin to the host culture may cause these women to rethink who they are in the host culture where differences in race, class and ethnicity and gender position them in differing relations of power. Therefore exploring how power is articulated in race, class, and cultural relations in Chinese women students’ self-understanding may contribute to critical

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feminist theorizing about the self among women of color in a broader crosscultural context. In contrast to universal developmental theories of self as a process of separating oneself out from the matrices of others,57 feminists argue that women have a distinctive relational self,58 a distinctive morality and voice, and distinctive ways of knowing.59 The debate that women’s sense of self is different from men can be traced to the earlier history of psychology. Looking back at the history of psychology, perhaps no topic has produced more passion within the field of psychology of women than Freudian theory. In late 1960s and early 1970s feminists who use psychoanalytic theory as a starting point for their work are fully aware of the misogyny that runs through Freud’s writing and the biological determinism.60 They critique that Freudian theory, built on the primacy of instinctual drives and suggesting that relationships are secondary to drive, did little to further our understanding of either primary relatedness or women’s special psychological development. As an early feminist psychologist, Karen Horney61 noted that psychoanalytic theory was created by a male genius, and that it was mostly men who elaborated on Freud’s ideas. Therefore it was easier for these men to evolve a more masculine model than feminine model of developmental psychology. In her later work, Horney emphasized the cultural context as a new way to conceptualize dynamics related to Freud’s Oedipus complex. She theorized that the social environment in which a child was raised could create harm in two ways: devaluation (parents’ failure to respect the child as a unique and worthwhile person) and sexualization (adults’ taking a sexual approach to the child).62 Horney argued that a child’s attachment to parent and jealousy toward the other was not a sign of Freud’s Oedipus complex, but rather an expression of, and a means for coping with, the child’s anxiety over being devalued and sexualized.63 According to Horney, in a society that values males over females, girls are especially vulnerable to the fallout of being devalued and sexualized. In addition, girls might well adopt feelings of inferiority if they are clearly valued less than their brothers. If they were treated, as many daughters were, as if their sexuality were the most aspect of their identity, they were likely to become anxious and dependent. Although Horney constructed her story of female development within the family framework emphasized by psychoanalysis, she became one of the first members of that school to recognize the effect of cultural variables on these family dynamics.64 Thinking about women’s different psychological experiences, Jean Baker Miller’s ground-breaking book, Toward a New Psychology of Women, came to the forefront of theorizing about women’s senses of self and other. Miller’s book was path-breaking in that she began with women’s subordinate status

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and expanded it into a psychology of women. In so doing, she redefined power and initiated the focus on relationality. Power was redefined relationally as “the power to make full development possible.”65 Miller was describing a kind of power of interdependence. Chodorow fuses the psychoanalytic and object relational theories and provides an analysis of the single variable “mothering” as a universal experiences that prepared boys and girls for their respective roles in society.66 As a consequence, girls learn to relate to the world of mothering and the family, (in Chodorow’s terms, mothering reproduces itself) while boys become men who devalue women and orient themselves to the external world. Women are more relational than men and these gender differences are due to the fact that women, universally, are largely responsible for early childcare and nurtured by the same-sex caretaker. Echoing Chodorow’s analysis of mothering as a women’s universal experience in the world, Carol Gilligan suggests that women’s sense of self is best characterized by an emphasis on caring. Gilligan has used Chodorow’s description of sex role socialization as springboard for her own study, In a Different Voice.67 According to Gilligan, developmental theories depict men as advancing to more mature levels of moral reasoning than women. She argues that women do reason in a different but no less mature way than men. More specifically, women see morality as a matter of care and relationship while men view moral issues in terms of a system of law or impartial justice, this different moral voice develops because women “define their identity through relationships of intimacy and care.”68 According to Gilligan, attachment, relationships and intimacy form a connected web through which women come to understand themselves and to define moral behaviors. Gilligan’s experience in listening to what women said about moral issues convinced her that the type of morality studied by Kohlberg (and more common in men) is an ethic of rights, while the type she discovered (more common in women) is an ethic of care. Rather than judge women as morally deficient by a male norm, Gilligan believes researchers should recognize that women and men have different but equally valid approaches to moral issues. For both men and women, the highest levels of development should integrate the moralities of rights and responsibilities. She believes that feminine morality emphasizes an “ethic of care” that is devalued and misunderstood in Kohlberg’s system. According to Gilligan, a concern for others is a different, not less valid, basis for moral judgment than a focus on impersonal rights.69 Miller and her colleagues at the Stone Center have challenged the phallocentric and individualistic bias in traditional psychological theories and posited that women have a relational self, i.e., “self-in-relation.”70 Reversing the notion of mainstream psychology that the self develops via separation and

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individuation towards autonomy and independence, they asserted that development proceeds through relationship towards the capacity for reciprocal relations. Miller argued that a woman’s sense of self is organized around being able to attain and maintain affiliation and relationships. Being oneself, “a tendency peculiar to men’s view of authenticity has obscured the fact that relationships can lead to more, rather than less, authenticity.”71 Miller argued that woman’s sense of self as “self-in-relation” is incompatible with men’s autonomous self conditioned by their dominant power in patriarchal society. In fact mutuality and relationship are seen as the basic goal of human development. Other aspects of self (e.g. creativity, autonomy, assertion) develop within this primary context of relationship. Relational Stages of Women’s Self Development Based on her clinical research among girls and women, Miller observed the stages of relational development of their sense of self. At infancy stage, all infants, encouraged much more so in girls, begin to be like and act like the main caregiver (usually a woman). Infants begin to develop an internal representation of her/himself as a kind of being –a being-in-relationship- that is, “knowing” and “feeling” what is going on in that emotional field between girls and mothers. In other words, the self is attended to by the others, and who begins to attend to the emotions of the others. This early “interacting sense of self” is present for infants of both sexes, but the culturally induced beliefs of the caretakers about girls and boys enter the scene from the moment of birth. That is, the girls are encouraged to augment their abilities to “feel as the other feels” and to practice “learning about” the others. Boy infants are systematically diverted from it. Again it is based on the whole construction of societal structure and of our models of thinking. Self-in-relation is a more encompassing sense of self by contrast with more bounded or limited self. It is a step toward more pleasure and effectiveness—because it is the way the girl or woman feels things should be” i.e. a goal of one’s own self-development. During childhood stage, the cultural message to girls at this stage that the girl should focus all of her attunement to the other person on the well-being and the growth and development of men. Western culture has dictated that mothers should uphold the superior importance and the power of men. These forces begin to affect deeply the girl’s sense of herself and her relationship to her mother, and to complicate the relationship in many ways. But, the relationship to the mother and to other women continues although it may be less obvious and be made to seem less important. Girls are hiding more in terms of sexuality. Girls are very intensely involved in all of their relationships, especially with other girls. Boys are out learning “industry,” such as “learning

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the rules of the game and how to play them.”72 The vast amount of psychological development which occurs within the relationships between girls at this time has been one of the major neglected areas in psychological study. At Adolescence stage, psychologists traditionally perceived that for boys, adolescence was seen as a period of opening up, but for girls, it’s a time for shutting down. Girls pick up the strong message that their own perceptions about their bodily and sexual feelings are not acceptable. They acquire connotations of badness and evil. They sought to bring these parts (bodily and sexual feelings) of herself into relationships with others along, but has had difficulty in doing so. But they still seek to act on these desires within relationships with others. But in reality the solution of it is “doing it for others” as a ready answer. Because of societal influences, girls have incorporated a sense that they are not fully and freely to use all of their powers. Her sense of self as an active agent—in the context of acting within a relationship and for the relationship—has been altered along by a sense of self who must defer to others’ needs or desires. Her sense of self as developed so far faces a more serious conflict with the external forces she confronts. In summary, at adolescence the girl is seeking to use herself and all of her capacities to fulfill her great desire to be a being-in-relationship. As Miller believed, boys really have the same needs, at bottom. But he has been much more preoccupied by the culture with trying to develop “himself” and a sense of his independent identity. He also picked up ideas that the girl should adopt to him. Girls are not seeking the kind of identity prescribed for boys, but a different kind in which one is a being-in-relation, that is, developing all of one’s self in increasingly complex ways, in increasingly complex relationships. Being-inrelation model as the full participation of women’s ways of seeing and acting in relationships is a very valuable model, a model related to reality, the reality of the human condition. 73 Relational Cultural Theory (RCT) In the past three decades, relational cultural feminist theorists from stone center noted that women’s authentic sense of self-in-relation is quite incompatible with men’s autonomous self conditioned by their dominated power in patriarchal society. The notion of “self-in-relation” involves a shift in emphasis from separation to relationship as the basis for self development. Mutuality and relationship are seen as the basic goal of development. This relational model assumes that other aspects of self (e.g., creativity, autonomy, assertion) develop within this primary context.74 As Stiver further argued, both women and men want to be needed by others.75 A man’s sense of self-sufficiency and self-esteem could be enhanced if

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the concept of “dependency” would be defined differently from the traditional one. Stiver offered a new definition of “dependency” as “a process of counting on other people to provide help in coping physically and emotionally with the experiences and tasks encountered in the world, when one has not sufficient skills, confidence, energy and/or time”76. This notion of dependency would allow for experiencing one’s sense of self as being enhanced and empowered through the process of counting on others for help and connection. In this definition, “dependency” would be seen as healthy, normal, and growth-promoting in the process of self development for both women and men. These cultural feminist theorists provides a Relational Cultural Theory (RCT) as an alternate perspective to traditional ways of viewing the notion of human growth. For example, traditional theories of development value the ideals of individuation, separation, autonomy, and generally honor the concept of the “self.”77 As an alternative: RCT emphasizes health, growth and courage, and points to a new understanding of human and individual strength: strength in relationship, not strength in isolation. Isolation is seen as the source of most suffering, while the process of creating mutual empathy and mutual empowerment is seen as the route out of isolation.78 Relational-cultural theory espouses that we become increasingly relationally complex, rather than more individuated and autonomous over the life span. The uniqueness of Relational-Cultural theory is its focus on achieving growth by enhancing each individual’s capacity to “create, build, sustain and deepen connection” as a life-long goal.79 In addition, “this model is built on an understanding of people that emphasizes a primary movement toward and yearning for connection.”80 RCT looks at all interpersonal dynamics through a relational lens and “represents a departure from the separate-self view of development and posits that we grown in, through, and toward relationship.”81 Jordan makes the point that: “This does not mean that we are in actual physical relationship with people at all times, but that there is an attitude of relatedness, of mutuality, of openness, of participating in experience.”82 Women, in particular, were the first to be noted as vulnerable to being labeled “deficient” when it came to separate-self models of development. Miller 83 and Gilligan84 are considered pioneers with regards to the study of the psychology of women as they made particular strides in understanding how patriarchy influenced “psychology’s understanding of women, and women’s understanding of themselves.”85 Originally this model was developed in an effort to better understand the psychology of women. In summary, self-in-relation or cultural relational theories (RCT) address the complex process of relational connection as the ultimate goal of self de-

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velopment that challenge the traditional male-dominated models in Western psychology, more importantly it addressed the relative positions of power in a patriarchal society in shaping the differences between men’s and women’s senses of self. If we take a closer look at the relational cultural model, we might find that the person/society dualism is still a limitation in their theory. The wider society they invoked was homogenous and universal in terms of gender, for the larger social and cultural totality in terms of race, class, sexuality and ethnicity were not central in their theories. It is noteworthy that the theory of women’s self-in-relation has been largely drawn from clinical work and research with middle and upper-middle class Western white women. A systematic examination of differences in constructions of self among women who occupy different socioeconomic and racial positions in society is sorely lacking.86 In a word, cultural feminist theories of women’s different moral voices, mothering experience and women’s senses of self-in-relation all fall into the essentialist assumption of “gendered” universal experiences for women’s self-constructions by neglecting to examine differences among women due to race, class, ethnicity, and sexual orientation using a contextual unit of socio-cultural and political analysis.87 In this sense, women’s sense of self-in-relation is shaped by “gendered” relational context or “gendered” culture that is abstract from many other critical cultural elements embedded in a larger socio-cultural structure.

VOICES FROM CRITICAL FEMINIST THEORIES Cultural feminists’ essentialist claims of the “gendered” experience for all women have been challenged by critical feminist theorists who argue that while women throughout the world form their identities under patriarchy, they do so in differing relation to patriarchy due to social class, power, ethnicity, sexuality in local cultures at particular historical moments in history.88 Insisting on gender difference as the origin of the crisis of domination suggests that patriarchal domination of the planet is the root of the women’s subordination. Ideologically, thinking in this direction enables Western women, especially privileged white women, to suggest that racism and class exploitation are merely the offspring of the parent system: patriarchy. As a group of privileged middle or upper-middle class women, it is impossible to generalize from one’s own work to assumptions about generic “women.”89 Being conscious of these limits, relational cultural theorists might enlarge our understanding of our women like themselves, but should approach with great caution of any attempt to represent the lives of a broader range of women.

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Following the critical lines of thinking about self and culture, critical feminist theorists further argued that culture is not neutral: it is grounded in material social relations along differing dimensions of power. Self that is embedded in such “critical” culture is referred as “ensembled individualism”90 and “social individuality.”91 This awareness of “critical culture” around us seems especially important at this historical moment when black women and other women of color have worked to create awareness of the ways in which white privileged women can and do participate in politics of domination, as perpetrators as well as victims.92 Empirically, power has moved to the center of Lykes’s work. For her, the inequalities of power include race, ethnicity, class, and other dimensions. Such a model is applicable for marginalized as well as majority groups because all are grounded in a totality of social relations along differing dimensions of power. She has brought power to the fore, in part because she has been working with women in power positions very different from those of the typical subjects of psychological research. In Guatemala, Chile, and Argentina, women have been forming movements to protest the state-sponsored violence that seeks to crush resistance and uses as one method of terrorismthe “disappearance” of people. Apparently, her encounter with these extraordinary women has caused Lykes to move power to the center of her theory, for power is central both in their individuality and sociality. Through years of doing participatory research among women of varying cultures, social classes, ethnicities and races, she found that these women live under a government that exerts brutal control over any person or group in resistance, a raw coercive power that impacts simultaneously at every level: nation, community, group, individual. Despite constant threat of state terrorism, these women have shared their experience and formed collective organizations and movements that are a source of mutual empowerment. These women are individually as well as collectively empowered through these collective processes. Based on her analysis of the findings from her action research, power is more than a relation; it is also a process, embodied in particular persons and groups of persons, developing and changing over time. If power is conceived as relational, power is necessarily a dynamic process. Large processes are composed of small processes, each affects the other in conflicting or sustaining ways; small processes synergistically unite in large processes. Erika Apfelbaum93 described “the various processes by which power establishes, structures, maintains, and perpetuates a domination/ subordination relation.”94 One example is de-grouping, a process by which a dominant group, such as the Guatemalan State, deprives a subgroup of power. At the point that the Guatemalan women combined into a support group, they

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were regrouping, mutually empowering each other and themselves against coercive state power. Because power is dynamic and multiple, assigning types of power exclusively in relationship to gender may be an error of cultural feminist theorists. Women of color often recognize more clearly that many men in American society are severely oppressed.95 It is therefore less clear that domination is uniquely masculine. Further, women of color are in a better position to recognize that women abuse power just as men abuse power, given their long history of experiencing domination from white women, whether it be overt abuse or more covert abuse such as ignoring the experiences of women of color while building theories. Women of color may therefore be less likely than White women to classify power by gender or to assign a kinder, gentler mode to women. Another concern expressed by critical feminists relates to the issue of difference. Audre Lorde and bell hooks, two black writers who speak from the margin of the dominant society, propose that African-American feminists take difference as their epistemological starting point in their effort to build a womanist ethics. They equate difference with particularity. First, it is fundamental to being human. Second, knowledge of difference is necessary to the recognition of mutual interdependence; we cannot know our commonalties unless we know our differences. This is especially true when the differences are power differences. Most feminist psychologists working on a psychology of women have started with an assumption, often not articulated, of similarity among all women. Yet white feminists who have tried to affirm sisterhood (similarity) with women of color without first fully recognizing and understanding difference have often been rebuffed.96 Many white women, as black feminists noted, have misconceptualized the notion of difference and used it to maintain their power: for example, conceptualizing their experiences as normative and naming women of color as “different.” When whiteness is atheorized and invisible, it tends to become normative. Nevertheless, the notion of difference as referring to our particularities seems important to critical feminist theorists. Turner,97 for example, describes the particularity of black women’s experience in relation to their mothers, the black community, and the wider white community, thereby countering the notion of generic woman. She argues that all these differences—race, ethnicity, gender, class, sexuality, and so forth—are inter-structured and cannot be separated from each other. To begin with difference would involve looking at many particularities rather than singling one out as uniquely important. A psychology starting with multiple differences might develop non-dualistic concepts enriching its analysis of society. Categories of difference such as race, ethnicity, class,

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power and sexuality can be used in this way because they are critical and local elements in our self constructions. The complex interweaving of class, race, and gender calls for a critical approach to self and subjectivity that attends to the multiple dimensions of the social and historic context and the particularities of experience.98 The critical feminist theorists have critically interpreted the complex and inter-structured relationships between culture and self. They bring a socialstructural analysis into their theorizing “culture,” “self,” “power,” and “difference” which will be meaningful to delineate the multiple and shifted senses of self embedded in these Chinese women students’ particular lived experiences within the context of cultural mobility.

DECONSTRUCTING SELF FROM POSTMODERN FEMINIST THEORISTS Culler99 described “deconstruction” as a way to examine how language operates below the everyday level of consciousness in creating meanings. Derrida100 developed deconstruction as a technique for challenging the binary oppositions (male/female, nature/culture, Western/non-Western) that are basic to western Enlightenment thinking. Deconstruction challenges assumptions of opposition and hierarchy by drawing attention to the way each term in a binary pair contains elements of the other and depends on the other for its meaning. Deconstructive readings, then, will rely on the gaps, inconsistencies, and contradictions in a discourse or text. By paying attention to these inconsistencies, and marginalized meanings, the deconstructive reader can find meanings beyond those apparent in a literal reading. For researchers, deconstructive strategies can focus attention on hidden meanings in culturally embedded metaphors.101 Thus, deconstructive reading is a critical idea in postmodernism. In a postmodernist deconstructive reading of “self theories” in western psychological theories, we find the problem of “autonomous self-contained entity” as a universalistic concept that refers to all members in the world who are trans-historical and acontextual. We also find the problem of “caring self” as an essentialist concept that refers to all women who have such “female” characteristics as relationalness, nurturance, and gentleness. Essentializing is the tendency in dominant feminist thought to posit an essential “womanhood” for all women despite racial, class, sexual orientation, ethnic, or cultural differences among them.102 These essentializing trends in both cultural feminism and biological determinism obscure the heterogeneity of women and prevent political analysis of heterogeneity in feminist theory

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Postmodern feminists argue against the notion of a unique, single feminist standpoint, which appeals to essential identities, or the notion of a unitary feminist theory. Postmodern feminists deny the illusion of a female subjectivity as a fixed identity oppressed and dominated by a male subjectivity. While postmodernist feminists do not deny the existence of male dominance and oppression of women in a variety of situations, they also allow for the possibilities that women can exert power over other women, men, and children.103 Like the postmodernist philosophies, critical feminists argue that feminist theory is not a unified meta-theory, but collectivity of theories, related by a perspective through which diverse women’s needs and experiences are considered inherently valid.104 Feminist theorizing engages its practitioners both intellectually and politically; in fact, it is the political engagements that mold the intellectual programs.105 Epistemologically, postmodern feminists view knowledge as forms of socially negotiated and historically contextualized understandings, rather than essentialist renderings of “reality.”106 Postmodern feminists acknowledge that since women’s experiences vary across so many axes, it is impossible to describe them under one theory without doing damage to the significant differences among women. Just as women are not one but many, feminist theories must be plural, partial, multiple and local. Postmodern feminists avoid seeking causal explanations of contextual constructions. Like postmodern feminists, critical feminists also try to avoid the privileging of one axis over another, seeking instead complex multiple locations and identities of women’s lives. Critical feminists and postmodernist feminists move away from a universal and essential concept of female identity and experience, and embrace a more plural understanding of women instead of woman and a notion of situated selves determined by the contingencies of different women’s social/political/economic/racial/sexual contexts. As the focus of attention of critical and postmodern theorists becomes women instead of woman, differences instead of difference, and multiple selves instead of one self, one can begin to conceptualize the possibilities of heterogeneity and multiple selves.107

TOWARD A CRITICAL AND LOCAL INTERPRETATION OF CULTURE AND SELF I conclude this chapter with a discussion of the need for a critical and local interpretation of culture and self. A critical and local interpretation of culture and self is the goal of the present study. It is constructed from specific, critical and local knowledge and leads to understanding of Chinese

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women graduate students’ self construction in a changing socio-cultural context. Such critical and local theories will be useful to address questions of how power as articulated in race, class and cultural relations is exercised and transformed in these women students’ self-understanding as they moved from their culture of origin to the host culture. In contrast to the existing universalistic and essentialist interpretations of culture and self, many social thinkers have defined “culture” from more critical and local perspectives. Culture includes ways of thinking, tools, and artifacts that are both socially constructed and socially transmitted.108 Culture is the product of social life and human social activity at the same time that human activity is the product of culture, i.e., person and culture are co-constituted and co-constituting.109 Because self and culture are co-constituting, one’s self is never free from the cultural values and cultural ways of being and doing. One’s sense of self is culturally situated and culturally constrained.110 Culture is dynamically reproduced consciously and unconsciously by each successive generation under different historical and social conditions.111 Although culture is an on-going dynamic construct, the reproduction of culture brings dimensions of history into the present and thus enables a sense of cultural continuity. Culture is not necessarily coherent and homogenous: individuals participate in multiple cultures in varying ways. In fact, the notion of a uniformly shared culture may be more of a fiction than a reality for most people.112 A heterogeneous view of culture suggests that self is constituted in multiple cultural communities113 and that culture and self are heterogeneous constructs. Self is constituted by a multiplicity of voices and facets of identity, and the cultural contexts within which self is constituted are multiple, resulting in a diversity of cultural forms. According to critical feminist and critical cultural perspectives, culture is composed of many critical elements, i.e., social class, power, gender, sexuality, and many differing symbolic and behavioral inheritances of a community. Cultural practices are grounded in material and social relations resulting in cultural differences between different social classes, races, genders, sexualities and ethnicities. The texture of our lives is grounded in the material conditions of daily life. From a critical perspective, culture results from an on-going struggle over material and sociohistorical conditions. Rather than a unified culture, a complex combination of critical cultural elements (i.e. race, class, gender, sexuality and ethnicity) are forged, reproduced, and contested within asymmetrical relations of power that primarily constrain one’s self. Culture is also experienced locally, i.e., individuals appropriate the culture or cultures of persons with whom they live and interact on a daily basis. Culture is dynamic114 and historical.115 Construals of culture and ideology are appropriated through local experiences within particular social relations. Self is

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formed and contextualized in local cultures. The socio-cultural context of our lives profoundly influences our social group affiliation and our intra-psychic lives.116 In critical cultural theory, the individual is the personification of the social relations embedded in locally positioned material and power relations. In this sense the self is essentially constructed by the class and power relations of groups of individuals within their different local and historical environments. The change of those environments will also change those individuals situated in the environments. In summary, culture is not neutral: it is grounded in material relations of power. It is through local cultural practices and cultural ideology that oppressive patriarchal, racist, and classiest structures are reproduced. Given research that indicates that culture, ethnicity, class, gender and power have a profound influence on constructions of self, psychologists need to take a critical cultural perspective to study self and examine the intersections of culture, class, race, power and gender. Critical theorists argue that a neutral conceptualization of culture is due to apolitical scientific rationality and humanistic relativism which fail to challenge the issue of power and its role in shaping the cultural reality and worldview that groups hold.117 The humanistic relativism of cultural psychologists and dominant feminists ignores the ways that culture is composed of asymmetrical material relations along differing positions of power in a larger social structure. Reconceptulizing culture as critical and local is important for psychologists to study people’s experiences of culture and self.

CHINESE STUDENTS IN THE UNITED STATES China’s door to the United States was open after 1978. The first wave of students went to America appeared near the end of that year. In those early days, few Chinese grasped its historical significance and its far-reaching impact on their lives. At that time, thought of studying abroad was outside of their consciousness. A country overseas, as far from China as heaven and hell, was irrelevant.118 At first, all students were chosen by the government, and nearly all were financed by the government. Most went as visiting scholars, being selected to go abroad was similar to other events in their lives that were arranged by their work units. Many were selected because they had high scores, especially in a foreign language. In the early eighties, news of students being sent abroad began to appear more and more frequently in the media. Still, few people dreamed of going abroad; that opportunity was available to only a few well-known scientists and high achievers in prestigious colleges.119 What stirred society and excited

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the people was the policy of permitting students with private financial means to study abroad. Some privately financed students were among the first group of students that went to America in 1978. The policy of permitting overseas study with private financial means opened the “front door” for everyone. Many youths discovered that for the first time in their life they could dream of studying abroad and could work toward that realization of that dream. As suggested above, in the past two decades, the phenomenon of geographic and cultural mobility of international students has contributed to their being recognized as a “growth industry” in higher education in the United States.120 Among them, 121,891 Chinese women graduate students attended U.S. institutions of higher education, the highest number of all groups of international women graduate students in the United States. Despite the significant number of Chinese women graduate students in the U.S., their lived socio-cultural and psychological experiences in transition from their culture of origin to the host culture have rarely been the focus of researchers’ concern. Educators working with these students in U.S. universities pay little attention to them as individuals faced with particular social and psychological challenges. The devaluing of one culture in the appropriation of the other and experiences of disempowerment in relationships with members of the host culture have had negative psychological impact on many of them, and such experiences have been found to impede their healthy self development and greater motivation towards greater intellectual success in the United States.121 Therefore, studying these students’ socio-cultural experiences in the U.S. through which they negotiate critical cultural elements in their constructions of the meaning of self becomes an important research task for educators who work with them in higher education. Several researchers have been studying the cultural adaptation problems of the Chinese students in the U.S for the past three decades.122 They have been particularly interested in understanding the nature and style of Chinese students’ adaptation, especially their relationship with host-nationals and how the Chinese students perceive the host culture and their own culture before and after the cross-cultural contact. In addition they have studied how these perceptions and identification have affected the students’ adaptation to the host culture. They found that Chinese students like other foreign students feel vulnerable and at high risk during their stay in the United States. In addition to suffering cultural shock, language differences, different mannerisms and styles of communications, these students also suffer from status loss. Most Chinese students have been academically successful at home and are often professionally well established. In the U.S., suddenly they face intense academic pressures and adjustment and painful social vulnerability. Having lost cultural and personal structure provokes an “identity-crisis.” The

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psychological turmoil or “identity-crisis” may threaten the integration of self for those who are vulnerable to this stress. For international students, these losses are more significant because they have lost their cultural context and so the context for self-development is shifting. Thus, adaptation for Chinese international student is not easy and cannot be achieved without the risk of pain and loss. Huang123 conducted a study with Chinese students and scholars in American higher education and examined their academic and personal life experiences in the United States. She analyzed six cases developed from interviews with Chinese male and female students in which they described their life experiences, thereby providing a whole picture of students. She found that these Chinese students and scholars at U.S. universities worked very hard and tended to spend more time than their American peers in their studies and research. They did have stress or pressure mainly because they wanted to do well, on the one hand, and, on the other hand, English was their second language. In terms of their personal life experiences, many of them enjoyed their stay in the United Sates and tried to know this country as much as they could. Yet at the same time, they also had diverse experiences and feelings in the host culture. Some of them had a feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction both personally and professionally. Some felt that they had gained something and at the same time lost something. For example, for those who, upon completion of their studies, could not get as good a professional position in the U.S. as they had in China. The need to earn wages through doing odd jobs contributed profound disappointment and a devalued sense of self tended to be quite profound. Chang124 did a qualitative study of the moral voices among 30 mainland Chinese men and women studying in the U.S. through examining their lived experiences of moral conflict and choice. This study challenges Carol Gilligan’s gendered interpretation of moral voice by examining the ways in which moral problems and responses were socially constructed in the contexts of power relations based not on gender but on culture. She found that students’ responses to moral dilemmas varied with the nature of the power relationships itself. This study challenges current formulations in western moral psychology by calling attention to the situatedness of moral problems and responses in lived relationships of power. In this case, power relations between Chinese students and Americans were constructed around cultural differences and exacerbated by socio-economic disparities which proved extremely disempowering for students. Despite the fact that the studies above contribute to understanding Chinese students’ social, moral and cultural adjustment to U.S. culture, none of the authors presents a comprehensive explanation of the processes of

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self-understanding of Chinese women graduate students who have crossed multiple geographic, cultural and psychological borders. Based on the fact that Chinese women students are an under-studied group in U.S. higher education, this research seeks to identify their self-understanding embedded within their life experiences as students who have crossed multiple geographic, cultural and psychological borders. As such, this study aims to contribute both to critical theorizing about the self and to generate questions for future research on the self development of international students from Asia and beyond.

OVERVIEW This chapter situates the present study in multiple theoretical frameworks including self psychology in Western and Confucian worlds, feminist theories, cultural psychology and anthropology, phenomenological, symbolic interaction and socio-culturalist theories, and a critical and local interpretation of culture and self. I have argued three main points of view through reviewing these theoretical perspectives. First, I argued that Western view of self as a “bounded container”125 is “peculiar”126 in its cultural emphasis on separation and individuality. In contrast to the Western view of self as a self-continued entity, the self in other cultures is not apart from his or her relationships. Others are included within the sense of self. They experience an interdependent self facilitated by their cultural values of collectivism and group-oriented practices. Second, I argued for a socio-culturalsit perspective in which all selves are socio-cultural specific selves that emerge as people actively adjust to their socio-cultural environments, and all experience is at once both individual and cultural.127 Self is in a dialectical relationship with the socio-cultural context, that is, socio-cultural contexts give rise to the self and in turn, these selves maintain, create and transform culture.128 Last, I argued for a need to theorize culture and self from a critical and local perspective. According to critical feminist and critical cultural perspectives, culture is not neutral: it is grounded in material relations of power. It is through local cultural practices and cultural ideology that oppressive patriarchal, racist, and classiest structures are reproduced. This critical and local framework also challenges cultural psychologists and dominant feminists’ dualist and relativist interpretation of culture and self by arguing that culture is composed of multiple critical elements embedded in the asymmetrical material relations along differing positions of power in a larger social structure, and one’s self construction is an on-going process that is co-constituting and co-constituted with the critical and local cultural practices in diverse social contexts.

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Although there exist a few studies that have contributed to understanding Chinese students’ socio-cultural adjustment to U.S. culture, none of them presents a comprehensive explanation of the processes of self-understanding of Chinese women graduate students and the ways in which they negotiate critical cultural elements in their constructions of the meaning of self embedded in their lived experiences as students in the U.S. universities. Given these theoretical and factual unknowns, this study was designed to discover how power as it is articulated in race, class and cultural relations are exercised and transformed in these women students’ self-understanding as they moved from their culture of origin to the host culture. As such, this study aims to add specific, critical and local knowledge that leads to understanding these women students’ self transformation in a changing socio-cultural context and to generate questions for future research on the self development of international students from Asia and beyond.

NOTES 1. Strauss, A. & Corbin,J. “Grounded theory methodology: An overview.” In N.K. Denzin & Y.S. Lincoln (Eds.), Handbook of qualitative research (Thousands Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994), 273–283. 2. Glaser, B.G. Theoretical Sensitivity. (Mill Valley, CA: The Sociology Press, 1978), 5. 3. Shweder, R. Thinking Through Cultures: Expeditions in Cultural Psychology. (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1991). 4. Kegley, J.A.K. “Individual and community: an American view.” Journal of Chinese Philosophy, 11(1984): 202–216. 5. Emerson, R.W. “Self reliance” in Perris, G.H. (Ed.) Emerson. (London, G.Bell and Sons, 1910),19. 6. Kegley, J.A.K. Individual and Community. 7. Erikson, E. Childhood and Society. (New York: W.W. Norton, 1950). Kegan, R. The Evolving Self: Problem and Process in Human Development. (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1982). Levinson, D. The Seasons of a Man’s Life. (New York: Alfred Knopf, 1978). 8. Sampson, E.E. Celebrating the Other: A Dialogic Dccount of Human Nature. (Boulder CO: Westview Press, 1993). 9. Geertz, C. On the nature of anthropological understanding. American Scientist, (1975) 63: 48. 10. Sampson, E.E. Celebrating the Other, 34. 11. DeVos, G. E. & Suarez-Orozco, M. Ethnic belonging and status mobility. In G. E. DeVos & M. Suarez-Orozco, Status Inequality: The Self in Culture. (Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications, 1990)

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Markus, H. R. & Kitayama, S. “Culture and the self: Implications for cognition, emotion, and motivation.” Psychological Review, (1991) 96:224–235. 12. Sampson, E.E. Celebrating the Other: A Dialogic Dccount of Human Nature. (Boulder CO: Westview Press, 1993), 74. 13. King, A.Y.C., & Bond, M. H. The Confucian paradigm of man: A sociological view. In W.T. Tseng & D. Wu (Ed.) Chinese Culture and Mental Health. (New York: Academic, 1985). 14. King, A.Y.C., & Bond, M. H. The Confucian Paradigm of Man. 15. Lee, S.W. Koreans’ Social Relationship and Cheong Space, Paper presented at the First International Conference on Individualism and Collectivism (Psychocultural Perspective from East and West, Seoul, 1990), 2. 16. Hsu, F.L.K. The self in cross-cultural perspective. In A. J. Marsella, G. Devos, & F.L.K.Hsu (Eds.), Culture and Self: Asian and Western Perspectives, pp. 24–55. (London: Tavistock, 1985). 17. Tu, W.M. Confucian thought: Selfhood as Creative Transformation. (State University of New York Press, 1985),114. 18. Tu, W.M. Confucian thought 19. Weber, M. The Religion of China, trans. Hans H. Gerth. (New York: The Free Press, 1964). 20. Balszs, E. Chinese Civilization and Bureaucracy: Variations on Theme. trans. by H.W. Wright, ed.by Wright, A.F. (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1964). 21. Tu, W.M. Confucian thought,57. 22. Tu, W.M. Confucian thought,57. 23. Shweder, R. Thinking Through Cultures: : Expeditions in Cultural Psychology. (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1991). 24. Shweder, R. Thinking Through Cultures. 25. Sampson, E.E. Celebrating the Other: A Dialogic Dccount of Human Nature. (Boulder CO: Westview Press, 1993). 26. Markus, H. R. & Kitayama, S. “Culture and the self: Implications for cognition, emotion, and motivation.” Psychological Review, (1991) 96:224–235. 27. Shweder, R.A., & Bourne, E.J. Does the concept of the person vary cross-culturally? In R.A. Shweder, & R.A. Levine (Eds.) Culture Theory: Essays on Mind, Self, and Emotion. (Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press, 1984). 28. Dio, T. Anatomy of Dependence (J. Bester, Trans). (Tokyo: Kodansha International, 1973). 29. Ho, D.F. Relational Orientation in Asian Social Psychology. In U.Kim & J.W. Berry (Eds.), Indigenous Psychology: Research and Experience in Cultural Context. (pp. 240–259). (Newbury Park, CA: Sage, 1993). 30. Kim, U., & Berry, J.W. Indigenous Psychologies: Research and Experience in Cultural Context. (Newbury Park, CA: Sage, 1993). 31. Howell, S. Rules not Words. In P. Heelas & A. Lock (Eds), Indigenous psychologies (pp. 133–142). (London: Academic Press, 1981). 32. Smith, J. Self and Experience in Maori culture. In P. Heelas & A. Lock (Eds.), Indigenous Psychologies: An anthropology of the Self (pp.79–103). (London Academic Press, 1981).

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33. Brabeck, M.M. Who cares? Theory, Research and Educational Implications of the Ethic of Care. (New York: Praeger Publisers, 1989). 34. Kirkpatrick, J. & White, G.M. Exploring Ethnopsychologies: Person, Self, and Experience in Exploring Pacific Ethno-psychologies. (pp. 3–32). (Berkeley, CA: University of California Press, 1985),11. 35. Marsella, A. Culture, Self, and Mental Disorder. In Culture and Self: Asian and American Perspectives. Anthony Marsella, Deorge Devos, and Francis Hsu, Eds. (pp. 281–308). (New York: Tavistock Publications, 1985). 36. Sampson, E.E. Celebrating the Other: A Dialogic Dccount of Human Nature. (Boulder CO: Westview Press, 1993). 37. Kagitcibasi, C. A question of belonging. In M.M.Tokarczyk & E.A. Fay (Eds.)Working-class Women in the Academy: Laborers in the knowledge factory(pp. 87–96). (Amherst: University of Massachusetts Press, 1989). 38. May, R. The Discovery of Being: Writings in Existential Psychology. (New York, London, 1983). 39. Sandel, M. Liberalism and the Limits of Justice. (Cambridge, University Press, 1982), 22. 40. Benner P. (1985). Quality of life: A phenomenological perspective of explanation, prediction and understanding in nursing science. Advance Nursing Science, (1985) 8,5. 41. Heidgger, M. Being and time. Translated by John Macquarrie & Edward Robinson. (New York, Harper: 1962),146. 42. Leonard, V.W. A Heideggerian Phenomenological Perspective on the Concept of the Person. 43. James, W. Psychology. (Greenwich, Conn: Fawcett, 1896). 1896. 44. Peirce, C.S. Selected Writings. P. Weiner (Ed.) (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1958). 45. Dewey, J. Experience and Nature. (Lasalle, IL: Open Court Publishers, 1926). 46. Mead, G.H. (1934). Mind, Self and Society , p.233. edited by Charles W. Norris (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1934) 47. James, W. Psychology, 297. 48. Mead, G.H. Mind, Self and Society, 233. 49. Turner, J. The Structure of Sociological Theory. (Homewood, IL: The Dorsey Press, 1982) 50. Colley, C.H. The social self: on the meanings of “I.” In C. Gordon & K.Gergen (Eds.), The Self in Social Interaction (pp.87–93). (New York: Wiley, 1968),89. 51. Bruner, J.S. Acts of Meaning. (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1990). Gergen K.J. & Gergen, M.M. “Narratives of the self.” In T.R. Sarbin & K.Scheibe (Eds.), Studies in Social Identity (New York: Praeger, 1983) 254–273 Gergen, K.J. “The social constructivist movement in modern psychology.” American Psychologist, 40 (1985) 3: 266–275. Markus, H. & Wurf, E. “The dynamic self-concept: A social psychological perspective.” Annual Review of Psychology, (1987)38: 299–337. Penuel, W.R., & Wertsch, J.V. Vygotsky and identity formation: A socio-cultural approach. Educational Psychologist, (1995)30, 83–92.

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52. DeVos, G. E. & Suarez-Orozco. Ethnic belonging and status mobility. In G. E. DeVos & M. Suarez-Orozco,Status Inequality: The self in Culture. (Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications, 1990) Markus, H. R. & Kitayama, S. “Culture and the self: Implications for cognition, emotion, and motivation.” Psychological Review, (1991) 96:224–235. 53. Oyserman, D., & Markus, H.R. The sociocultural self. In J.Suls (Ed.), Psychological Perspectives on the Self, Vol. 4, pp. 187–220. (Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 1993). Rogoff, B., Radziszewska, B., & Masiello, T. Analysis of developmental processes in sociocultural activity. In L.Martin, D.Nelson, & E. Toback (Eds.), Sociocultural Psychology: Theory and Practice of Doing and Knowing, pp. 125–149. (Cambridge University Press, 1995). 54. Oyserman, D., & Markus, H.R. The Sociocultural Self, 187–220. 55. Markus, H. R. & Kitayama, S. Culture and the Self, 224–235. 56. Smith, J. (1981). Self and experience in Maori culture. In P. Heelas & A. Lock (Eds.), Indigenous Psychologies: An Anthropology of the Self, pp.79–103. (London Academic Press, 1981). 57. Erikson, E. Childhood and Society. (New York: W.W. Norton, 1950). Kegan, R. The Evolving Self: Problem and Process in Human Development. (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1982). Levinson, D. The Seasons of a Man’s Life. (New York: Alfred Knopf, 1978). 58. Miller, J. B. Toward A New Psychology of Women. (Boston: Beacon Press, 1976). Surrey, J. Relationship and empowerment. Work in Progress. No.30. (Wellesley, MA: Stone Center, 1985) Jordan, J.V., Kaplan, & Surrey, J.L. “Women and empathy: Implications for psychological development and psychotherapy” 1991. 59. Belenky, M.F., Clinchy, B.M., Golderger, N.R., & Tarule, J.M. (1986). Women’s Ways of Knowing: The Development of Self, Voice, and Mind. (New York: Basic Books, 1986). 60. Wash, W.R. The Psychology of Women: Ongoing Debates. (Yale University, 1987). 61. Horney, K. On the genesis of the castration complex in women. In Feminine Psychology, Edited by H.Kelman. (New York: W.W.Norton, 1922). 62. Lips, H.M. A New Psychology of Women: Gender, Culture and Ethnicity. (2nd edition). (New York: McGraw-Hill Higher Education, 2003). 63. Horney, K. The flight from womanhood. In J.B. Miller (Ed.), Psychoanalysis and Women, pp. 50–20. (Baltimore: Penguin Books, 1973, original work published 1926). 64. Lips, A New Psychology of Women. 65. Miller, Toward A New Psychology of Women, p. 117. 66. Chodorow, N. The Reproduction of Mothering: Psychoanalysis and the Sociology of Gender. (Berkeley, CA: University of California Press, 1978). 67. Gilligan, C. (1982). In A Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women’s Development. (Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1982).

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68. Gilligan, In A Different Voice,164. 69. Gilligan, In A Different Voice, 70–71. 70. Miller, Toward A New Psychology of Women. Jordan, J., V.,Kaplan, Miller J.B., Stiver, I.P., and Surrey, J.L. (Eds.) Women’s Growth in Connection: Writings from the Stone Center. (New York: The Guilford Press, 1991). Surrey, J. Relationship and empowerment. Work in Progress. No.30. (Wellesley, MA: Stone Center, 1987) 71. Miller, Toward A New Psychology of Women, 98. 72. Miller, Toward A New Psychology of Women, 98. 73. Surrey, J. The “self-in-relation”: A theory of women’s development. In A. Kaplan, J.B. Miller, I.Stiver, J.L. Surrey (Eds.), Women’s Growth in Connection. (Guilford Press. New York, 1991). 74. Surrey, J. The “self-in-relation”: A theory of women’s development. In A. Kaplan, J.B. Miller, I.Stiver, J.L. Surrey (Eds.), Women’s Growth in Connection. (Guilford Press. New York, 1991). 75. Stiver, I. The meaning of “dependency” in female-male relationships. Work in Progress, No. 11. (Wellesley, MA: Stone Center Working Paper Series, 1983). 76. Stiver, Work in Progress, No.11, p.10. 77. Fedel, N. Relationships in groups: Connection, resource and paradox. Work in Progress, No. 69. (Wellesley, MA: Stone Center Working Paper Series, 1994). 78. Jordan, J.V., & Hartling, L.M. New development in relational-cultural theory. In M. Ballou & L.S. Brown (Eds.), Rethinking Mental Health and Disorders: Feminist Perspectives. pp. 48–70. (New York: The Guilford Press, 2002). 79. Surrey, Work in Progress, No. 30, p.8. 80. Jordan, J.V. A relational-cultural model: Healing through mutual empathy. Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic,(2001) vol. 65(1), . 92–103. 81. Jordan, J.V. A relational-cultural perspective in therapy. In F. Kazlow (Ed.) Comprehensive Handbook of Psychotherapy, (2002) vol (3), pp. 235–254. (New York: Wiley & Sons, 2002). 82. Jordan, J.V. The role of mutual empathy in relational-cultural therapy. In session: Psychotherapy in Practice, (2000) vol 55(8), pp.1005–1016. 83. Miller, Toward A New Psychology of Women. 84. Gilligan, In a Different Voice. 85. Spencer, R. A comparison of relational psychologies. Project Report, No. 6. p.5 (Wellesley, MA: Stonce Center Working Papers series, 2000). 86. Griscom, J.L. Women and power: definition, dualism, and difference. Psychology of Women Quarterly,(1992) 16, 389–414. 87. Collins, P.H. Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment. (1990) New York, NY: Routledge. 88. Brabeck, M.M. Who cares? Theory, Research and Educational Implications of the Ethic of Care. (New York: Praeger Publisers, 1989). Lykes, M.B. Gender and individualistic vs. collective bases of social individuality.Journal of Personality Psychology. (1985)53, 357–383.

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Qin, D. X. & Lykes, M.B. “Reweaving a fragmented web of self: A grounded theory of self-understanding among Chinese women students in USA.” International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education, (2006)19, 177–200. Qin, D.X. “Toward a Critical Feminist Perspective of Culture and Self” in Feminism & Psychology (Sage, London). (2004)14, 297–312. 89. Collins, P.H. Black Feminist Thought 90. Sampson, E.E. Celebrating the Other: A Dialogic Dccount of Human Nature. (Boulder CO: Westview Press, 1993). 91. Lykes, M.B. Gender and individualistic vs. collective bases of social individuality. 92. hooks, b. Yearning: Race, Gender, and Cultural Politics. (South End Press, Boston, MA, 1990). 93. Apfelbaum, E. Relations of domination and movements for liberation: An analysis of power between groups. In W.G. Austin & S. Worchel (Eds.) The Social Psychology of Intergroup Relations (pp.188–204). (Monterey, CA: Brooks/Cole, 1979). 94. Apfelbaum, E. Relations of domination and movements for liberation, 196. 95. hooks, b. Yearning: Race, Gender, and Cultural Politics. (South End Press, Boston, MA, 1990). 96. Boyd, J.A. Ethnic and cultural diversity: Keys to power. In L.S. Brown & M.P.P. Root (Eds.), Diversity and Complexity in Feminist Therapy(pp. 151–167). (New York: Harrington Park Press, 1990). 97. Turner, C.W. Clinical application of the Stone Center theoretical approach to minority women. Work in Progress. (1987)No.28. Wellesley, MA: Stone Center. 98. Holland, D.C., & Eisenhart, M.A. Educated in romance: Women, Achievement and College Culture. (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1990). 99. Culler, J. On Desconstruction: Theory and Criticism after Structuralism. (Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press, 1982). 100. Derrida, J. Margins of Philosophy. (A. Bass, tans.). (Chicgo: University of Chicago Press, 1982). 101. Hare-Mustin, R.T. and Marecek, J. The meaning of gender difference: Gender theory, postmodernism and psychology. American Psychologist,(1988) 43, 455–464. 102. Spelman, E.V. Inessential Woman: Problems of Exclusion in Feminist Thought (Boston MA: Beacon Press, 1988) 103. hooks, b. Yearning: Race, Gender, and Cultural Politics. 104. Brabeck, M.M. Who cares? Theory, Research and Educational Implications of the Ethic of Care. (New York: Praeger Publisers, 1989). 105. Ramazanoglu, C. Feminism and the Contradiction of Oppression. (London: Routledge, 1989). 106. Harding, S. The Science Question in Feminism. (Ithaca, NY: Cornell University Press, 1986). Harding, S. Feminism, science, and the anti-Enlightenment critiques. In L.J. Nicholson (Ed.), FeminismPostmodernism (pp. 83–106). (New York: Routledge, 1990).

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107. Miller, S. Improvising Identities: Career Reentry for New Mothers. unpublished dissertation. (University of California, San Francisco, 1994). 108. Vygotsky, L.S. Mind in Society: The Development of Higher Psychological Processes. (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1978) 109. Shweder, R. Thinking Through Cultures: Expeditions in Cultural Psychology. (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1991). Vygotsky, L.S. Mind in Society, 1978. 110. Tessman, L. Beyond communitarian unity in the politics of identity. Socialist Review, (1994)1, 55–83. Wertsch, J.V., Tulviste, P.& Hagstron, F. A sociocultural approach to agency. In E.A. Forman, N.Minick & C. Addison Stone (Eds.), Contexts for Learning. (NY: Oxford University Press, 1993). 111. Rosaldo, R. Culture and Truth: The Remaking of Social Analysis,p.209 (Boston, MA: Beacon Press, 1989). 112. Rosaldo, R. Culture and Truth, 209. 113. Tessman, L. Socialist Review,64. 114. Rosaldo, R. Culture and Truth,209. 115. Vygotsky, L.S. Mind in Society. 116. MacLeod, J. Ain’t no makin’ it: Leveled Aspirations in a low-income Neighborhood. (Boulder: Westview Press, 1995). 117. Brabeck, M.M. Who cares? Theory, Research and Educational Implications of the Ethic of Care. (New York: Praeger Publisers, 1989). Lykes, M.B. Gender and individualistic vs. collective bases of social individuality.Journal of Personality Psychology. (1985)53, 357–383. Qin, D. X. & Lykes, M.B. “Reweaving a fragmented web of self: A grounded theory of self-understanding among Chinese women students in USA.” International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education, (2006)19, 177–200. Qin, D.X. “Toward a Critical Feminist Perspective of Culture and Self” in Feminism & Psychology (Sage, London). (2004)14, 297–312. Darder, A. Culture and Power in the Classroom: A Critical Foundation for Bicultural Education. (Bergin & Garner Pubs, 1991). Griscom, J.L. Women and power: definition, dualism, and difference. Psychology of Women Quarterly,(1992) 16, 389–414. hooks, b. Yearning: Race, Gender, and Cultural Politics. (South End Press, Boston, MA, 1990). Boyd, J.A. Ethnic and cultural diversity: Keys to power. In L.S. Brown & M.P.P. Root (Eds.), Diversity and Complexity in Feminist Therapy(pp. 151–167). (New York: Harrington Park Press, 1990). Chang, K. A. “Culture, power and the social construction of morality: moral voices of Chinese students.” Journal of Moral Education. (1996) 25: 141–157. 118. Qian, N. Chinese Students Encounter America. Translated by T.K. Chu. (University of Washington Press, 2002). 119. Qian, N. Chinese Students Encounter America 120. Altbach, P.G.& Lulat, Y.G.M. “International students in comparative perspective: Toward a political economy of international study.” In P.Altbach, D.Kelly,

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and Y.Lulat (Eds) Research on Foreign Students and International Study. (New York: Praeger, 1985), 1–65. 121. Fasheh, M. “Foreign students in the United States: An enriching experience or a wasteful one?” Contemporary Educational Psychology, 3 (1984): 313–320. 122. Yen, E.K., Chu, H.M., Klein, M.H., Alexander, A.A. & Miller, M.H. (1979). “Psychiatric implications of cross-cultural education: Chinese students in the U.S.A.” Acta Psychologica Taiwanica (1979) 21: 1–26. 123. Huang, J. Chinese Students and Scholars in American Higher Education. (Praeger Publishers, West, Westport, CT. 1997). 124. Chang, K. A. “Culture, power and the social construction of morality: moral voices of Chinese students.” Journal of Moral Education. (1996) 25: 141–157. 125. Sampson, E.E. Celebrating the Other: A Dialogic Dccount of Human Nature. (Boulder CO: Westview Press, 1993). 126. Geertz, C. Local knowledge. (New York: Basic Books, 1983). 127 Markus, H. R. & Kitayama, S. “Culture and the self: Implications for Psychological Review, (1991) 96:224–235. 128. Oyserman, D., & Markus, H.R. The sociocultural self. In J.Suls (Ed.), Psychological Perspectives on the Self, Vol. 4, pp. 187-220. (Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum, 1993). Rogoff, B. Apprenticeship in Thinking: Cognitive Development in Social Context. (New York: Oxford University Press, 1990).

Chapter Three

Grounded Theory Approach

In this chapter I explore the connections between the research problem and the grounded theory approach used to conduct this study. I describe the appropriateness of a symbolic-interaction perspective and feminist epistemology as the theoretical and epistemological underpinnings for my work. This chapter also includes the multiple strategies I used to identify my participants and gather, organize and analyze data. More specifically these were sampling procedures, the participants, the interview and data analysis procedures, the data management processes, the identifications of processes and phases (i.e. coding procedures), and validity issues.

METHODOLOGY I used a grounded theory approach1 to conduct this research. The rationale for choosing this approach is based on the fact that grounded theory is “one that is inductively derived from the study of the phenomenon it represents.”2 The grounded theory method stresses discovery and theory development rather than logical deductive reasoning which relies on prior theoretical frameworks.3 Since grounded theorists intend to construct theory from the data itself, they need to formulate a general research statement that serves to focus the study and to elicit theory through working with data. In the case of the present study, the statement of focus was developed to explore inductively the processes of self-understanding in making meaning of life experiences among a specific population, Chinese women graduate students who had left China to study in the U.S. As described in the “technical literature review,” I had a theoretical hunch that situated this statement within a critical interpretation of culture and self. However, the underlying research 47

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assumptions and the research question itself were “open,” that is, they allowed for the discovery of the processes of self understanding from the women students’ point of view. In order to reach this goal, I relied heavily on “studying the data” rather than “pouring the data” into previous theoretical frameworks or substantive analyses that may limit innovation of ideas that could then be further refined. According to Strauss and Corbin,4 the researcher’s theoretical sensitivity is a key aspect in the research. This fosters a discovery rather than an imposition preconceived ideas when analyzing and interpreting the data. The authors define theoretical sensitivity as “the attribute of having insight, the ability to give meaning to data, the capacity to understand, and the capability to separate the pertinent from that which is not.”5 Theoretical sensitivity has two sources. First, it comes from being well grounded in the “technical literature” as well as from professional and personal experience. “The literature can be used to stimulate theoretical sensitivity by providing concepts and relationships that are checked out against actual data.”6 However, more importantly, theoretical sensitivity is also acquired during the research process through continual interactions with the data—through the researcher’s collection and analyses of the data. It is important to keep a balance between that which is created by the researcher and the data. Researchers can do so by: (a) asking, what is really going on here?; (b) maintaining an attitude of skepticism toward any categories or hypotheses brought to or arising early in the research, and validating them repeatedly with the data themselves; and (c) by following the data collection and analytic procedures of the research process.7 Elaborating on Glaser and Strauss’ original formulations,8 Charmaz explains that grounded theory is based on a set of strategies.9 These include, first, the simultaneous collection and analysis of data. This strategy permits the researcher to refine subsequent interviews and sharpen observations. Hence, the processes and product of the research are shaped through the data. Second, the data itself lead the researcher to check inquiries and doubts. This is accomplished based on the data collected previously and the systematic comparison between observations. Third, grounded theory method allows for studying processes. According to Charmaz10, the underlying assumption is that making theoretical sense of social life is itself a process. Charmaz further elaborates the theoretical framework of grounded theory by arguing that grounded theory is based on the assumption that “people’s construction of their realities reflects their understanding of their experiences as the diverse situations in which they have them.”11 Therefore, social12 constructivist theory offers an alternative understanding of women’s reality and worldview.

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THEORETICAL AND EPISTEMOLOGICAL UNDERPINNINGS Symbolic Interaction Perspective Grounded theory is also based on the following theoretical and epistemological underpinnings. The first is symbolic interactionism, which focuses on the meanings that people attribute to events through experience and interaction. The symbolic interactionist perspective is dynamic and processual rather than static and structural. Grounded theory is a method of uncovering the basic social and structural processes of a situation at both symbolic and interactional levels.13 “The researcher needs to understand behavior as the participants understand it, learn about their world, learn their interpretation of self in the interaction, and share their definitions.” Symbolic interactionism postulates that interaction occurs between human beings who interpret or define each other’s actions instead of merely reacting to them or to each other. Responses are based on the meanings that individuals attach to their own and others’ actions. As Denzin14 points out, symbolic interactionists focus on the centrality of context and localizing experience in the lived world, flux and change, the struggle of “I and me,” truths as plural rather than singular, the ambiguities of different definitions of the situation, and the belief that all meaning is context bound and in process. Several pragmatic philosophical premises of interactionism are congruent with postmodern beliefs: the epistemological perspective of reality as being in flux, the view of society as emergent interaction, a methodological search for inquiry “sensitive to the objective indeterminacy of the situation,”15 and a commitment to a goal of social activism and change. Stanley and Wise have espoused symbolic interactionism as a conceptual framework for feminist methodologies because “it adopts a non-deterministic attitude towards social life and interaction . . . and insists that structures are to be found within the processes of interactions.”16 Symbolic interactionist perspective offers this research the opportunities to look for the process of women students’ self-understanding through the meanings that they attribute to events through experience and interaction in the particular socio-cultural context of their culture of origin and the host culture.

Feminist Epistemology Grounded theory is supported by feminist epistemological underpinnings.17 First, women can be knowers, and their experience is a legitimate source of knowledge. This is consistent with feminist epistemology that participants are the experts about their experience and that subjective experience is valid data.

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The commonalty between them is the contextual nature of knowledge, a characteristic inherent in grounded theory that discovers social process within social structure.18 Grounded theory is consistent with the critical and postmodern feminist epistemology in the recognition of multiple explanations of reality. Rather than accepting the essentialized or dichotomized theoretical perspectives, the grounded theory researcher asks, “What is going on here?”19 They both recognize that a theory is developed from the data that is usually a mix of multiple voices from the interview. Essentialized and dichotomized assumptions are thus precluded by the very development of the theory from the scene under study. Many feminist and grounded theory researchers20 working within the interactionist frameworks have appropriated feminist interpretivism to interpret the meaning of self through one’s lived experiences in socio-cultural context. Grounded theory shares feminist interpretivists’ argument that knowledge is socially constructed by socially-situated individuals operating from particular interpretive framework rather than a set of objective, decontexualized facts.21 The main concern of the feminist interpretive approach is to develop an understanding of the ways in which individuals make meaning of their lived experiences. As such, meaning is located “in-between” researcher and participant within a dialogical relationship.22 Interpretations can very from person to person resulting in multiple constructions of reality that are different, perhaps contradictory, and yet equally valid. Feminist interpretivists argue that it is an existential fact that researchers are part of the social world they study23 rather than neutral observers. From an interpretive perspective, all of the researcher’s claims must be grounded in the participants’ words and actions. A central concern for feminist interpretive researchers is to understand participants’ experiences from their point-of-view (emic perspective) and to be faithful to that understanding in their analysis and writing. At the same time, researchers bring their particular standpoints into dialogue with those of participants such that their different standpoints remain intact.24 This is consistent with grounded theory perspective which also emphasizes the importance of the co-construction of data based on the researcher’s questions and the participant’s social interaction during the interview. As other researchers25 point out, the interview and its consequent narrative are a joint product constructed by the interviewer and the participant. The meaning of the narrative is framed by the questions asked and the meaning that the participants assign to these questions. Therefore, the approach of these authors is consistent with the grounded theory assertion about the subtleties of the meaning of data. The grounded theory approach requires the researcher to deal with his/her assumptions by making them explicit and deliberately challenging these assumptions through interactions with participants.

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Participants are seen as knowers, and all of the researcher’s claims must be grounded in the participant’s words and actions. The grounded theory method I employed also draws upon the critical feminist epistemology that participants are the experts about their experience and that subjective experience is valid data. Critical feminist research26 shares many of the underlying assumptions of critical theory and focuses on the under-studied and marginalized women’s lives and attends to women’s social positionalities embedded in the power relations.27 For example, through the years of doing participatory action research among women of varying cultures, social classes, ethnicities and races, Lykes has empirically brought power to the center of her work, for power is central both in their individuality and sociality. Within the critical feminist research methodology, my research explored the process of self-understanding embedded in the lived experiences of power relations through which these Chinese women graduate students negotiated critical and multiple facets of their selves in the context of cultural mobility.

PARTICIPANTS AND SAMPLING I interviewed eleven Chinese women graduate students studying different disciplines in U.S. universities. These participants were Chinese women students who were from mainland China and from the major “Han” ethnic group (accounting for 96% of the whole mainland Chinese population) that represents the mainstream Chinese culture. Although we were all Chinese descendants of the “Dragon” (a metaphor of the root of Chinese culture), Chinese women students from Hongkong and Taiwan were not included because of the differences of their socioeconomic and political contexts from mainland China. In a letter to recruit participants, I indicated that my research focused on the processes of their self-understanding as students who have crossed multiple geographic, cultural and psychological borders. Their voluntary participation in this research, their agreement of my interview procedures and the confidentialness of their identities were confirmed by their signatures on the forms of “Informed Consent.” The participants were selected from private and state universities located in the greater Boston area. The actual age range at the time of the interview was from 25 to 39 years (see Appendix A). The selection of that age range was based on my decision to include students who had entered graduate programs in U.S. universities immediately after their college graduation and those who had worked a period of time in China before they entered graduate programs in U.S. universities. The range of months of participants’ residency in the U.S. was from 18 months to 60 months, i.e., 11⁄2 to

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five years. The range of months of residency was selected based on the considerations of the stronger impact of the new culture during the first five years of residency in the host culture. The reason for selecting women students only in this study was based on the fact that women are an understudied group; it was also based on the critical feminist perspective which tries to avoid theorizing dichotomized “gendered” differences between men and women while studying women’s senses of self through their life experiences. The participants were selected through snow-ball sampling, a method in which participants put the researcher in contact with their friends who then become participants. This technique offers the researcher an advantage in being able to see both individual and social relations among individuals.28 The snow-ball procedure was used to choose the participants since, in accordance with the grounded theory and qualitative methodology, generalization of data is not the main purpose of the research project. (The representation of the sample is replaced by the representation of the recurring themes and patterns identified by the study.) Prospective participants called me after hearing from a friend about her participation in the study, wondering if I was still looking for women with whom to talk about their experiences. Many of the participants gave me names and phone numbers of their friends. In addition to the snow-ball sampling method to select participants, I also used the theoretical sampling procedure because of its importance in focusing on the theoretical concepts and ideas in grounded theory research. As the research continued, I began to employ theoretical sampling, a systematic method of selecting participants purposively to compare what different individuals have to say with data that has already been collected and analyzed.29 As I gathered and analyzed data from the first wave of four interviews, I began to select the rest of the participants based on theoretical categories that had proven theoretical relevance (i.e. those categories that were repeatedly present from the data) to the evolving theory. Thus, I sought multiple voices to tell multiple aspects of those categories from the different perspectives of women students who had different experiences. Attainment of a saturated sample30 set the limits for the number of participants in this research at eleven. A saturated sample of eleven participants was reached when my data obtained began to reflect more similarities than differences and no important new ideas were being offered.

INTERVIEW I conducted semi-structured open-ended interviews with eleven participants that lasted approximately two hours for each participant. I re-interviewed six

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women for about an hour after developing a metaphor to capture the major process of women’s self-understanding to see if it had resonance for them. The open-ended interviews focused on the participants’ experiences of growing up as women students in their culture of origin and on their having become international Chinese women graduate students in the host culture. Called by some “conversations with a purpose,” the interview is recognized as a source for rich and complex material, an opportunity for a discussion or an exchange between the researcher and the participant, and a reciprocal and reflexive process of discovery. Interviews are data sources for studying selves and the ways in which people use their experiences, relationships, and identities to construct their subjectivities. They are a particularly useful method for finding out how participants reconstruct their selves during times of transition.31 Thus interviews were an ideal method for finding out how Chinese women understand themselves as they make meaning of their experiences as students from their culture of origin to the host culture. In preparation for the interviewing, I developed a list of questions as my inquiry focus (see Appendix B). The protocol informed how I framed the research inquiry for participants at the beginning of the interviews and the ways in which I expressed interest and asked follow-up questions during the interview. One problem I confronted in interviewing women like myself, with whom I shared some “insider” status, was that the women felt (because we shared common experiences of being a Chinese woman graduate student in the U.S.) that I would completely understand the meanings they assigned to certain phrases. Strauss and Corbin32 warn interviewers of the dangers of glossing over meanings and urge validating possible meanings during interactions with participants. Since I did not want to put my interpretation on their words without trying to understand their words from their perspective, I attempted to get the women to explicate their meanings of commonly understood phrases. Sometimes I felt like an idiot saying, “What do you mean when you say you’re a Chinese woman?” “When you say ‘Chinese,’ what does that mean to you?” as I tried to understand their words in the context of their worlds. While each interview was unique, there were some questions I asked nearly every time. They include: “Tell me about your experience of being a student in the U.S. What are your supports/stressors? What is your student life like at the beginning and now? What has it meant to you to be a Chinese woman student in the U.S.? What has it meant to you to be a Chinese woman student in China? Is there any difference? If so, why that difference?” The style between the first and second interviews was different. My initial interview followed the semi-structured format whereas the follow-up interviews were more open-ended and based on the metaphor of the major process and a follow-up to their previous interviews.

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All of the interviews were conducted in English and were audio taped and transcribed. English was used in conducting interviews based on the consideration of this group of participants’ proficiency in English at a functional level. Mandarin was also allowed when a particular participant felt it a need to express her complex feelings in her language of origin. During the interviews some Chinese idioms or metaphors came out from participants’ Mandarin narratives and they were translated with detailed “symbolic” explanations while providing some concrete examples. Also, the accuracy check of the translation from participants happened at a time of the interviews when I felt a need to let the participants clarify what they meant by both languages (i.e. English vs. Mandarin or vice versa). I also consulted a Chinese scholar whose English was good enough to check the translation. Some differences in translation were resolved through conversations with both the scholar and the participants. To ensure the accuracy of the transcriptions of the interviews, I gave a copy of the transcripts to each participant with a request that she read it and noted clarifications, corrections, and any materials that she wanted to have removed. Six participants made corrections and clarifications. Five participants opted not to be engaged in this process. After completing the initial analysis, I sent a draft of findings to eight participants who requested it and asked for their feedback. By providing transcripts and a draft of the analysis I sought to engage in a reflexive research process that involved participants in the construction of meaning. After reading a draft of the findings, five participants requested minor changes.

DATA ANALYSIS I used the constant comparative method to analyze the data. This method of analysis incorporates a range of evidence comparisons. The purpose of this model of analysis is to open up ideas and establish relationships with other pieces or slices of data.33 Using this method of simultaneous data gathering and data analysis, I was able to move from open data collection to more theoretical data collection. The data were constantly questioned and compared, and similarities and differences noted. The method of constant comparison of data serves to ground the findings in the substance of the data. It is a method which formalizes and expands Blumer’s principles of exploration and inspection.34 The goal of such a method of analysis may be interpretation, explanation, or the creation of a fully developed grounded theory, which involves the discovery of a central complex process that explains and

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clarifies the meaning-making process of the participants involved in a study.35 Data analysis in this constant comparative project began with my first interview, the first slice of data. The analysis developed through the process of open coding, theoretical coding, memoing and diagramming. The systematization and analysis of data included the following phases. Coding Coding refers to a process of summarizing the data by labeling, separating, sorting and organizing the data. Besides these functions, the codes are meant to be a key means of developing analysis. They precede the step for creating categories that are more abstract. According to Glaser,36 coding is a two-phase process: an initial coding searching phase precedes a later phase of focused coding. In the initial phase, I looked for what I could define and discover in the data. At the same time I also paid attention to the leads, ideas, and issues in the data themselves. Glaser advocates line-by-line coding to gain a full theoretical accounting of the data. I began my initial coding in a line-by-line analysis of the first interview, questioning each line of the transcript. I asked questions of “What is she saying here?” “What is this line (or word or phrase) an example of?” I then wrote down code names and included samples from transcripts. By studying the emerging data and coding, I created initial order. First, I attended to the general context, central participants and events, and the relative emphasis participants placed on various issues in the data. I also looked for connections between individuals’ special situations and problems and their interpretations of their experience. Second, I constructed codes to note what participants stressed and scrutinized the data for codes derived from interviewees’ own words or phases. Third, I compared bits of data with other data for their similarities and differences as a strategy for developing initial codes. My initial coding of the very first interview uncovered certain concepts: education, sacrifices by parents, invisible web, subway metaphor, socially controlled web, being one among many, following the stream, pride vs. prejudice, nostalgia, individualist vs. collectivist, thinking better of it, I felt hurt, and connecting with Chinese friends, all of which became early sensitizing concepts for the data collection and analysis. Here are some fragments from the first interview with a participant about her experience of growing up in China that were coded as “invisible web,” “subway metaphor,” “socially controlled web,” “being one among many.” (These codes were developed from the excerpts she contrasted China and the U.S.A. in each example except the last one, that is, being one among many).

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Invisible Web Here I have more freedom. I can either do this or that based on my own feelings. Nobody would bother you here. You were not bothered either in China. But you felt that you were watched. No, not watched . . . I mean that there was something (like a web) invisible woven by thousands of threads (e.g. parents’ expectations, peers opinions and others’ comments etc.) that really controled yourself. (Si)

Subway Metaphor Actually the road that you followed in China might not be the one that you chose by yourself. It has been set up or designed by someone else. You just follow it. It’s like the subway . . . You just follow it . . . But here you don’t have such a strong feeling. I mean no such a strong invisible power following you here. (Si)

Socially Controlled Web In China there also existed the visible control. For example, you wanted to change your job or move to a new institution, people can control your personal files and wouldn’t let you go anywhere if they don’t release them. Social control was very strong. But here you have much more mobility. As long as you find a job somewhere, you can go there. (Si)

Being One Among Many But in China even you are not a sociable person, there are always some people around who care about you. In China, you felt you were one among many, it was warm . . . you were living like in a big family. Such as we had a teacher in charge of a whole class, he/she cares to ask about your life and study. If you are sick, she/he will ask about it. But here nobody cares about such things. (Si)

Once I coded these and other concepts and had found them repeatedly in the spontaneous utterances of the next few participants, I looked carefully across all transcripts and began sorting the concepts and codes into categories. Then I began testing these categories by asking about them in subsequent interviews, looking for new properties and dimensions. For example, in interview question #5 I shifted my question from “Is there a place where you are psychologically ‘at home’?” to “Do you have a feeling of ‘cultural nostalgia’?” based on my analysis of the first wave of four interviews. My experience with the initial coding, in which the categories emerged early on, rapidly raised the level of coding and conceptualization to focused coding. This rapid change to more analytical thinking was suggested by Glaser as one of the benefits of constant comparative analysis.

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Categorizing Focused coding is the second phase of the coding process, i.e., creating categories. The function of focused coding is to use selective codes to sort data to an analytic level rather than a descriptive level. It more closely approximates developing abstract concepts that explain a broader dimension of the phenomenon under study. In the phase of focused coding, I took a selective set of codes that were developed in the initial coding phase and applied them to larger amounts of data. The process was selective because I had already weeded through the materials to develop a useful set of categories. Categories were taken either from the natural language of the participants (an in vivo code) or from my analytic interest. I looked for codes that indicated similar processes, patterns, relationships, ambiguities or kinds of events and how they were constructed. I then grouped several codes into one inclusive label of the many concrete and descriptive accounts that seem to express a similar issue, which enhanced the theorization process by entering an abstract level of analysis. For example, the category as “being in webs of relationships” was identified with the cluster of codes (e.g. “the invisible web,” “the subway metaphor,” “the linear pathway,” “socially controlled web,” “power-positioned web,” “being watched and arranged,” “being one among many”) that indicated similar processes of Chinese way of being for these women students in their culture of origin.

Theoretical Coding To integrate the categories to form the processes, I used theoretical coding37 to note the relationships between the categories. Glaser listed 18 families of theoretical codes, and one of them “the 6 C’s family—causes, contexts, contingencies, consequences, co-variances and conditions”—which Glaser called the bread and butter theoretical code,”38 became an important theoretical coding scheme to identify the processes in this study. Strauss and Corbin39 and Strauss40 also suggested a process-oriented paradigm of causal conditions, phenomenon, context, intervening conditions, action/interaction strategies and consequences. Here is an example. One of the sub-processes that captured Chinese women students’ self-understanding in their culture of origin and the host culture was one that I termed “fragmenting self.” This was defined as the process of experiencing the social injustice and the depressing personal life in their culture of origin and the host culture which led them to deconstruct the stable and unified ways of being into multi-faceted senses of self. The causal conditions that led to women having to undergo “fragmenting self” in their culture of origin were their experiencing powerlessness to

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challenge the powerful in the webs of relationships, their experiencing the social injustices, corruptions, biases and the depressing life events. They questioned and reassessed their cultural ways of being and doing and ended with breaking to the web to get out. The strategies or actions they took to break the web was “moving with crowds,” “imagining the other,” and “imagining self into the other.” The consequences followed these actions were their encountering ‘other’ i.e. facing cultural contradictions and experiencing discriminations and isolations in the host culture, which in turn became the causal conditions for their further “fragmenting self” in the host culture. To survive, these women students took the following strategies/actions such as “being cultural nostalgia,” “keeping the past in the present,” “reassuring self-value,” and “reconstructing individual and social relations” etc. The consequences followed these actions were their moving toward reweaving an expanded web of self in the host culture. By using the theoretical coding scheme, I thereby could identify the linkages among categories (i.e. causal conditions, strategies/actions, and consequences) to develop a higher level of theoretical codes that became the processes.

IDENTIFYING PROCESSES AND PHASES I managed and ordered analysis through a method of text sorting suggested by Morse.41 In this system, using a computer and word program, I opened multiple “windows” or files on the screen simultaneously and was able to identify and categorize data into theoretical codes. I could search and retrieve text from a variety of transcripts and then place selected text pieces together in a file heading of a specific code or codes. Then I would order the relationships between the codes, subcategories, major categories via a bulleted-list summary. I then used this bulleted-list to construct my first draft of an outline for the findings. As I wrote the findings, I revised the outline. Based on the analysis on the eleven interviews, I identified the major process of women students’ self-understanding as “reweaving a fragmented web of self,” which is supported by three sub-processes: “weaving self,” “fragmenting self” and “reweaving self” across two chronological phases (i.e. Phase I: being women students in their homeland and Phase II: being women students in a new land). I also identified categories and codes to explain and support each of the processes. Naming the Major Process “Process is the analyst’s way of accounting for or explaining change. Rarely will a researcher hear an interviewee or person being observed refer to

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process, as such.”42 Despite my desire for the participants to name the major process, I ultimately chose the name, “reweaving a fragmented web of self.” While the term is an analytical metaphor, the participants I queried about its applicability to their experiences responded that this name had “resonance” for them. The metaphor of “reweaving fragmented web of self” therefore captures the diverse, on-going, ever-changing process of self understanding both from traditional ways of being in their culture of origin and their new and multiple ways of being in the host culture. This process indicates that these women are active agents in weaving of the various strands of their lived experiences into their senses of who they are which include not only what one has been but also the acquisition of the new and diverse potentials for what one will be. This process of self understanding also indicates that self is not a static thing but an active and fluid subjectivity that weaves and reweaves the diversified threads of the self in ever changing webs of social and power relations embedded in different socio-cultural contexts. In a complex society where subjectivities are situated and constantly in flux, one’s self may be viewed as diversified and multi-faceted. Thus, in becoming Chinese international students in a new land, women rewove the new aspects of themselves to respond to their new contexts. Naturally the consequences of multiple geographic, cultural, and psychological border-crossings create new conditions and new pathways to reweave self. Through the conversations with these women about their understanding of the major process, I obtained a more complete picture of the metaphor as “reweaving a fragmented web of self” which had resonance for them. Categories were organized into three sub-processes within this overall metaphorical framework.

VALIDITY ISSUES Sandelowski43 offers a framework for evaluating qualitative research in which four factors are considered: truth value, applicability, consistency, and neutrality. Truth value in a qualitative study is found in the accurate description of human experiences as they are lived and perceived by the participants in the study. After I developed the major process “reweaving a fragmented web of self” to the abstract level of the theory of this study, I re-interviewed some participants (for “member checking”) about its applicability to their experiences. In the interviews, women talked about their understanding of the major process and responded that it had resonance for them. Applicability in qualitative research is a more useful construct in that generalizability cannot be attained yet applicability can be gleaned given the

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emic, deeply particular nature of the sample and the data. While the sample size in qualitative studies is typically small, applicability can be achieved when the results of the study shed light on or “fit into” contexts outside the study situation. In this study the concepts, categories and theories derived from different cases may shed light on other situations that have quite dissimilar objective characteristics. The representativeness of the sample is replaced by the representativeness of the recurring themes and patterns identified by the study. For example, the themes of changes in self-understanding across geographic and cultural borders identified by this study might be applicable to those situations of border-crossers, e.g., immigrants and socially mobile individuals, who faced intense living pressures, adjustment and painful social vulnerability in the host culture that was different from their culture of origin. Consistency replaces reliability as a criterion for establishing the validity of a study in a qualitative study. Qualitative social constructivist studies assume that because subjects exist in time, a study can never be replicated exactly, just as history can never be recreated exactly.44 The consistency of this qualitative study can be established by the presentation of sufficient data from the text analogs to enable readers to participate in the consensual validation of the data. The fourth criterion for evaluating qualitative research is neutrality. In quantitative studies the researcher is assumed to have an objective, disinterested stance with regard to the study. In qualitative research it is assumed that there is no detached, objective position from which to study human beings. The researcher is a self-interpreting being who is already in the world, as is the subject.45 The imperative in this qualitative study was to contextualize my reflexivity within the co-construction of knowledge between the participant and myself because what the text says is in fact a construction in time between the participant and the researcher, each of whom construct the text from their relative shared and distinctive positionalities. This doesn’t mean I, as a researcher, do not have to be reflexive. In fact, to the contrary, my reflexivity becomes more important. Based on my personal “border-crossing” experiences, I was also aware that the similarities I saw between my experience and the experiences of the women I interviewed could be seductive. I was an insider in that I have experienced being a Chinese woman graduate student in a U.S. university, facing the challenges of adjusting to the host culture, and working through the processes of self transformations that such border-crossing experiences entail. I was also an insider in being of the same socioeconomic class as most of the participants. In this research I then took on the process of conscious partiality,46 that is, a connectedness and identification with the research participants that re-

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places the objectivist and distancing role of researcher in traditional social science research.

NOTES 1. Charmaz, K. The ground theory method: An explication and interpretation. In R.M. Emerson (Ed.), Contemporary Field Research: A Collection of Readings (Boston: Little Brown, 1983), 109–126. Charmaz, K. (1987). Struggling for a self: Identity levels of the Chronically III.in Julius A.Roth and P.Conrad (Eds.) Research in The Sociology of Health Care: The Experience and Management of Chronicllness (Greenwich, CT: JAI, 1987), 6, 283–321. Strauss, A. & Corbin,J. “Grounded theory methodology: An overview.” In N.K. Denzin & Y.S. Lincoln (Eds.), Handbook of qualitative research (Thousands Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994), 273–283. 2. Glaser, B. & Strauss, A. The Discovery of Grounded Theory: Strategies for Qualitative Research. (Chicago: Aldine, 1967), p.23. 3. Charmaz, K. Discovering chronic illness: Using grounded theory. Social Science and Medicine, (1990)30, 1161–1172. 4. Strauss, A. & Corbin, J. Basics of Qualitative Research: Grounded Theory Procedures and Techniques. (Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications, 1990). 5. Strauss, A. & Corbin, J. Basics of Qualitative Research 6. Strauss, A. & Corbin, J. Basics of Qualitative Research, p.42. 7. Glaser, B.G. (1992). Emergence vs. Forcing: Basics of Grounded |Theory Analysis. ( CA: Sociology Press, 1992),p.50. 8. Glaser, B.G. (1992). Emergence vs. Forcing, p.47. 9. Glaser, B. & Strauss, A. The Discovery of Grounded Theory 10. Charmaz, K. Struggling for a self in Research in The Sociology of Health Care: The Experience and Management of Chronicllness. 11. Charmaz, K. Discovering chronic illness in Social Medicine, p.116 12. Wuest, J. Feminist grounded theory: An exploration of the congruency and tensions between two traditions in knowledge discovery. Qualitative Health Research, (1995)5, 125–137. 13. Chenitz, W.C., & Swanson, J. Qualitative research using grounded theory. In W.C. Chenitz & J.M. Swanson (Eds.), From Practice to Grounded Theory: Qualitative Research in Nursing (CA: Addison-Wesley, 1986), 3–15. 14. Denzin, N.K. “The art and politics of interpretation.” In N.K. Denzin & Y.S Lincoln (Eds.), Handbook of Qualitative Research. (Thousands Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994), 500–515. 15. Shalin, D.N. (1986). Pragmatism and social interactionism. American Sociological Review, (1986) 51, p.10. 16. Charmaz, K. Discovering chronic illness in Social Medicine. 17. Wuest, J. Feminist grounded theory in Qualitative Health Research 18. Wuest, J. Feminist grounded theory in Qualitative Health Research

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19. Glaser, B.G. Thoretical Sensitivity. (CA: The Sociology Press, 1978). 20. Kearney, M.H., Murphy, S., Irwin, K., & Rosenbaum, M. Salvaging self: A grounded theory of pregnancy on crack cocaine. Nursing Research,(1995) 44, 208–213. Reinharz, S. On Becoming A Social Scientist: From Survey Research and Participant Observation to Experiential Analysis. (New Brunswick, NJ: Transaction Books, 1984). 21. Bredo, E., & Feinberg, W. Knowledge and Values in Social and Educational Research. (Philadelphia: Temple University Press, 1982). Guba, E.G., & Lincoln, Y.S. Competing paradigms in qualitative research. In N.K. Denzin & Y.S. Lincoln (Eds.), Handbook of Qualitative Research (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994), 105–117. 22. Darroch, V., & Silvers, R.J. Biography and discourse. In V. Darroch & R.J. Silvers (Eds.), Interpretive human studies: An introduction to phenomenological Research. (Washington, D.C: University Press of America, 1982), 3–21. 23. Wuest, J. Feminist grounded theory: An exploration of the congruency and tensions between two traditions in knowledge discovery. Qualitative Health Research, (1995)5, 125–137. 24. Sampson, E.E. (1993b). “Identity politics: Challenges to psychology’s understanding.” American Psychologist. (1993) 48: p.127 25. Mishler, E.G. Research Interviwing: Context and Narrative. (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1986) Reissman, C.K. Narrative Analysis. (Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications, 1987). Seidman, I.E. Interviewing as Qualitative Research: A Guide for Researchers in Education and the Social Sciences. (New York: Teachers College Press, 1991). 26. Brabeck, M.M. Who cares? Theory, Research and Educational Implications of the Ethic of Care. (New York: Praeger Publisers, 1989). Reinharz, S. On Becoming A Social Scientist. Lykes, M.B. “The caring self: Social experiences of power and powerlessness.” In M. Brabeck (Ed.), Who Cares: Theory, Research, and Educational Implications of the Ethic of Care. (New York: Praeger, 1989). Lykes, M.B. “Whose meeting at which crossroads? A response to Brown and Gilligan.” Feminism & Psychology, (1994) 4: 345–359. Stewart, A.J., & Lykes, M.B. (Eds.). Conceptualizing gender in personality theory and research. In Gender and Personality: Current Perspectives on Theory and Research (Durham, NC: Duke University Press, 1985) pp 2–13. Stewart, A.J. & Ostrove, J.M. “Social class, social change, and gender: workingclass women at Radcliffe and after.” Psychology of Women Quarterly (1993)17: 475–497. 27. Collins, P.H. Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment, 1990. 28. Burgess, R.G. In the Field: An introduction to Field Research. (London: Allen & Unwin, 1984). Colman, J.S. Relational analysis: The study of social organizations with survey methods. Human Organization, (1958) 16 (4), 28–36.

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29. Glaser, B.G. Emergence vs. Forcing: Basics of Grounded Theory Analysis. (CA: Sociology Press, 1992),p.50. 30. Charmaz, K. Discovering chronic illness: Using grounded theory. Social Science and Medicine, (1990)30, 1161–1172. 31. Charmaz, K. Discovering chronic illness in Social Science and Medicine. 32. Strauss, A. & Corbin, J. Basics of Qualitative Research: Grounded Theory Procedures and Techniques. (Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications, 1990). 33. Glaser, B. & Strauss, A. The Discovery of Grounded Theory: Strategies for Qualitative Research. (Chicago: Aldine, 1967), p.23. Strauss, A. & Corbin, J. Basics of Qualitative Research. 34. Blumer, H. Symbolic Interactionism: Perspective and Method. (Berkeley: University of Califonia Press, 1969). 35. Strauss, A. & Corbin,J. “Grounded theory methodology: An overview.” In N.K. Denzin & Y.S. Lincoln (Eds.), Handbook of qualitative research (Thousands Oaks, CA: Sage, 1994), 273–283. 36. Glaser, B.G. Thoretical Sensitivity. (CA: The Sociology Press, 1978). 37. Glaser, B.G. Thoretical Sensitivity. 38. Glaser, B.G. Thoretical Sensitivity, p.74 39. Strauss, A. & Corbin, J. Basics of Qualitative Research. 40. Strauss, A.L. Qualitative Analysis for the Social Scientist. (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1987). 41. Morse, J. Analyzing unstructured, interactive interviews using the Macintosh computer. Qualitative Health Research, (1991)1, 117–122. 42. Strauss, A. & Corbin, J. Basics of Qualitative Research, p.148. 43. Sandelowski, M. The problem of rigor in qualitative research. Advances in Nursing Science, (1986) 8, 27–37. 44. Sandelowski, M. The problem of rigor in qualitative research in Advances in Nursing Science 45. Sandelowski, M. The problem of rigor in qualitative research in Advances in Nursing Science 46. Mies, M. Towards a methodology for feminist research, in G. Bowles & R. Klein (Eds.), Theories of Women Studies (London, Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1983).

Chapter Four

Reweaving a Fragmented Self in Cross-Cultural Contexts

(Partial content of this chapter was published in the article authored by Dongxiao Qin & Brinton Lykes, “Reweaving a fragmented self: a grounded theory of self-understanding among Chinese women students in the United States of America” in International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education Vol. 19 (2), pp.177–200, 2006.) Looking at experiences that are embedded in the lives of Chinese women students is a useful way to organize the study of the process of their self-understanding. Their life experiences represent meaningful events that significantly transformed their senses of self in both personal and social ways.1 These life experiences are valuable because they allow one to examine prior ways of being and present ways of becoming, as well as to reflect on the social contexts that influence these processes of being and becoming. To avoid telling each woman’s experience as a separate story and essentializing these Chinese women students’ experiences into one limiting and normalizing process, I present these findings as a series of processes through which these Chinese women graduate students understand themselves as they make meaning of their experiences as students who have crossed geographic, cultural and psychological borders. In the first section of the chapter I present the findings of how women students understood themselves through the lived experiences in their culture of origin and the host culture. Their self understanding involves the major process of “reweaving fragmented self” that occurred in two phases and is supported by three sub-processes of “weaving self,” “fragmenting self” and “reweaving self” as they became international women graduate students in the new land. To provide an overview of the findings, I present a table (see 64

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Appendix C) with a summary of processes, categories and codes under each of two phases.

MAJOR PROCESS: REWEAVING A FRAGMENTED WEB OF SELF “Reweaving a fragmented web of self” is a metaphor that refers to the major process of self-understanding of Chinese women students in this study. “Fragmenting” is the process of breaking apart the web, and “reweaving” can result in a new web that differs in shape or size from the old but is made of the same materials. This web metaphor captures the changing process of self-understanding of Chinese women students who moved from their culture of origin to the host culture. Their senses of self were woven in the webs of social relations in China but they displaced themselves within their homeland as they anticipated the gains and growth they would achieve in the U.S. After the border-crossing, they encountered the painful discrimination, disrespect, loneliness and self-doubt due to race, class, ethnicity, gender and power which were more salient to them in the host culture than in their cultures of origin. In response to their confusion and bewilderment here, these women students survived by fighting against the perceived unfairness and longing for their homeland and some eventually rewove their enlarged cross-cultural insights into their self understanding and produced a newly complex and diversified senses of self. In our conversations, women told me about their understanding of the major process—”reweaving a fragmented web of self “: See I have these socio-cultural or class or race whatever ‘discontinuity’ of who I am . . . So the metaphor of ‘reweaving a fragmented web of self’ in my understanding is that my ‘self’ was ever fragmented and multiplied by the different socio-cultural contexts but my current self is based on who I was before . . . It’s not something pretty new . . . I mean I still have my old self but it’s been woven into the new lived experiences here. (Bin) Yeah, I am a pretty much different person now. I guess I have this rich and new understanding of myself . . . I have had these complex experiences here and whether they are sweet or bitter, happy or miserable, it’s rich and diverse! I mean when you look at yourself, certainly the contents of who you are have been diversified. If someday I go back to teach in China, I will have a ‘basket ‘ of stories to tell them about what I have experienced . . . I guess I will be a much more sensitive person to the social surroundings and people if I go back to my homeland . . . I’ll be very sympathetic to the poor ‘cause I’m poor here. I’ll be

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very friendly to the minority people ‘cause I’m a person of ‘other’ here. I’ll be very helpful to the foreign students ‘cause I’m an alien here. It’s not something that I understand but I experienced (Ping).

BEING WOMEN STUDENTS IN ONE’S HOMELAND: WEAVING SELF The process of ‘weaving self’ captures the ways in which these Chinese women students have woven their family traditions, education, and cultural values into their ways of being and becoming when they grew up in the web of social relations situated in Chinese socio-cultural context. The familial influences and cultural values that women students included were their family backgrounds and the education of their parents, parental expectations and parenting practices, closeness of family and cultural emphasis on ways of being in society. They also talked about how these micro/macro socio-cultural contexts shaped their senses of who they were and how they felt about their life in their homeland. Integrating Familial Influences Women students talked about their family backgrounds and their parents’ education, mentioning what their parents expected them to be and what their families valued. Most of the participants were from ‘intellectual families’ (teachers’ or professionals’ families) where parenting practices often focused on higher education and upward mobility for their children. They also shared the similar traditional values of “harmonious way of being together” in the ‘micro culture’ at home. Educated Family Many of the women students in this study indicated that they were from “educated families” where their parents had higher education and expected their children to follow in their educational footsteps. These women were very much influenced by the family value of education and inspired to try their best to get a college education. For these women, their educated family background and their own education were salient to their self-images: Both my parents graduated from the best university in China. I went to the same university, I mean, the best university where my parents graduated. And my sister is the only ‘regret’ of my family ‘cause she didn’t get into the best university as we did and she studied international finance at another college. (Yuen)

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My father is a famous chief architecture engineer in a southern city and he designed lots of high buildings in that city. My mother is a professor of math in a university. My brother finished his college. My major at college is management in a good southern university. (Lan) My father is a senior professor in a research institute and my mother is a medical doctor in a large hospital. There are two children in my family. I have an elder sister and my sister is a computer engineer. My major was English literature at college. In people’s eyes, we are from a typical “intellectual family” and maybe we’re well off in many aspects. But more importantly is this “bookish home environment” that pushed my sister and me on the right track of higher education. Indeed we value our education and want to be as successful as our parents. (Jun)

While most of the participants were from ‘intellectual families’ with their parents and siblings who received higher degrees and work in academic and professional settings, there were also some women students who were from ‘working class’ families: I came from a working-class family. They are workers, they are working. I mean they are old and I am the youngest one among six siblings in the family. My parents are all retired. They have very little education . . . (Ping) My father is a worker and my mother is a secretary. They only had elementary education. But they did work hard to raise four children and hope that we would get more education than they did. My parents are actually very smart but their families were too poor to support their getting more education. That is the biggest regret they had in their lives . . . But things are getting better for us, I mean, two of us (me and my elder sister) graduated from colleges. (Lei)

Another participant was considered to be from an ‘intellectual family’ but her parents didn’t get higher education. My parents are both teachers at a middle school in a tourist city on north-east part of China. They graduated from teacher-training schools. That is, they didn’t have college degrees. They were both from very poor families and they couldn’t afford to go to college although they were very intelligent among their peers. They told us stories of the economic hardship that they experienced at childhood and how diligently they put effort on their school work. They dreamed to make it academically through their own effort and wanted to help their families financially in the future. They just love knowledge and encouraged me and my elder sister to work hard in order to get higher education in the future. (Xin)

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Parental Expectation Parental expectation also played an important role for women students while they were considering their own educational journey. Some women talked about their parents’ focused attention and support for their studies. These students mentioned that their parents paid much attention to their studies and supported them with good studying environments at home. One student talked about how her mother, a university professor, was influenced by the “culture of the university.” This contributed to her comparing her daughter’s school performance with that of other children: My parents paid much attention to my study. They provided me with the good studying environment at home. They encouraged me a lot. You know, my mother was a professor in a university and there are many teachers’ kids at my age who tried to get into college. I would say that my mother liked comparing my study with that of other kids. For example, she often said to me “Look, someone’s kid got a good exam score . . .” If I had a high exam score, she felt very satisfied and even went out to show off her pride . . . I was affected by that kind of vanity. You know, most of the parents in a university paid much attention to their kids’ study. Or they care about their own Mian Zi (faces). That’s the case with my parents. Yet more importantly, my parents were very supportive and they would try their best to let me get into the college, the best college if I could. Their expectation to my education is “the higher, the better.” (Si)

Another student told me that her parents expected her to get at least a college degree. Although she didn’t say why her mother expected only a college degree for her (this might be based on the different traditional value of education between men and women, that is, “a little knowledge is enough” for a woman but “much more” for a man), she was still encouraged to get into the best college: I know my parents expect me to get, at least, a college degree but I think, my mother expected me to only get a college degree. That is all because she said that that’s enough for a girl . . . Well, I am not so sure about my father’s expectation to me . . . I believe that they sort of want me to choose the best university in China. (Yuen)

Most of participants’ parents expected their kids to get higher education and knew how to guide them towards the educational goal. Somehow a woman student’s parents from a working-class family did not know how to guide her school performance specifically. They influenced their children not by telling them how to “do it” but by showing them how they valued education and knowledge:

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My parents only had elementary education. So they couldn’t give us specific directions on our study. But that doesn’t mean they knew nothing about education. I mean, they respected my teachers at school and they did ask many “how” questions from my teachers and other educated parents ‘cause they wanted us to be better educated. I mean, that kind of attitude truly influenced me a lot! (Lei)

Family Values Some women mentioned the things that their families valued. One woman talked about the harmony in her family. “Everybody sticks together” was very much valued by her family and she identified this as a value from a “typical” Chinese family. In Chinese culture where Confucian idea of “Zen” (i.e. “benevolence”) had been valued for thousands of years, the “harmonious way of being together” has become a folklore religion in ordinary families: My family had a very good family value. Although my parents didn’t have much education, they emphasize the family value very much. I have a very harmonious family. Everybody sticks together—a very typical Chinese family. They try to be together and I am the only one that is out so far. (Ping)

Another woman student talked about how she learned the traditional value of “filial piety” from her father’s duty to her grandmother: My father was a traditional family man at home. He cared about my grandmother very much. I mean, he was so responsible for his duty to her . . . My grandmother had lived with us until she passed away. I learned that ‘filial piety’ to elders and responsibilities were important virtues that my family valued about. (Ling)

Sacrifices by Parents The women who had reached a certain level of higher education found that they owned much to the sacrifices of their parents. They began reflecting on what their parents did for them and acknowledged the sacrifices that their parents had contributed to their educational growth in the past. Almost all of the participants mentioned how their parents loved knowledge and how much they cared about their children’s education. Their parents would do anything for them if it was good for them to learn because they wanted their children to have a better future than they had: I think that my parents are too strict with themselves. They will sacrifice anything for me if it’s good for me to learn. They just want me to have a very good

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future. My family is like that kind of intellectuals’ family. They are not rich but they respect knowledge and they care about children’s education very much. (Meng) I am always in tears whenever I think of the sacrifices my parents gave me from my childhood till now. My parent never afforded to go to college themselves. But they have a strong will to support me and my sister to get as much education as we can. They were teachers and they loved knowledge. They often motivated us to dare dreaming big for our future. My mother is a super woman in my eyes. She is strong emotionally and psychologically. She had a big heart to embrace her daughters’ big dreams in the future. . . . My parents always tutored us and stayed up late with us on our homework. They accompanied each step of our journey to grow up and made sure that we followed the right track. Here I am as a doctoral student in America. I can not tell you enough how much I owe to my parents’ love and sacrifices along my path of life to this stage . . . Never can I pay back enough to them. (Xin)

Most of the participants were from intellectual families which valued knowledge and paid attention to their children’s future education. These participants were expected by their parents to get “highest level of education” as they could. These women felt that they themselves owed much to their parents’ sacrifices and support for their academic achievements. They also learned to value the harmonious ways of being together at home. Being in Webs of Relationships The webs of social relations that women students brought with themselves, with society (generalized others) and with specific others (colleagues, classmates, parents, teachers and friends) provided the contexts for their ways of being and doing in Chinese culture. The traditional cultural contexts refer to those “webs of relationships” which were constituted by generalized and specific others and controlled by their invisible power (i.e. social and parental expectations, peer opinions and others’ comments). They shared both the negative feelings of “being controlled and watched” and positive feelings of “being one among many.” Invisible Web For these women who grew up in a collectivist context in Chinese culture, the webs of social relations in which they were embedded were sometimes ‘invisible’ in terms of the social standards, others’ expectations and opinions on

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their actions and expected achievement. This woman described an “invisible web” that was like something woven by thousands of threads that really controlled her: In China everything is set up at the same level. People go to schools and universities together. How to say this? Then people graduated and went to work with similar salary. I mean, we were satisfied only when we were treated similarly . . . I often unconsciously want to satisfy my parents’ expectations of me. I always want to make them satisfied. But here I have more freedom. I can either do this or that based on my own feelings. Nobody would bother you here. You were not bothered either in China. But you felt that you were watched. No, not watched . . . I mean that there was something invisible woven by thousands of threads (e.g. parents’ expectations, peers opinions and others’ comments etc.) that really control yourself. (Si) You can not just “be yourself” in China. You are a relational being there! Whatever you do and wherever you go, you will find your networks first. Otherwise you hardly move a step forward. Relationships have such a level of power to control your life. At home, you need to be a good kid to your parents, grandparents or relatives, at school you need to be a good friend and respectful student. In the society, you should be a friendly co-worker to your colleagues. Harmony is the priority above anything. Otherwise it’s hard for you to survive. It’s just not that easy to have your own space psychologically. (Hua)

Subway Metaphor Reflecting on their “life road” in China, some women had a strong sense of conformity, that is, of their lives as set up or designed by specific and generalized others. The “subway metaphor” reflected how they followed a unified way of life that was controlled by an invisible power of a certain group of people in society: Actually the road that you follow might not be the one that you chose by yourself. It has been set up or designed by someone else. You just follow it. It’s like the subway . . . You just follow it . . . But here you don’t have such a strong feeling. I mean no such a strong invisible power following you here. People are so different from each other in the US. To me the reason why the invisible power could control me in China is that there existed a group of people around me. But now those people don’t exist here in the U.S. Thus I don’t feel that way anymore. Don’t you feel that you have much more opportunities here? You can try whatever you want to do, you might be successful. (Si)

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In response to my question about their way of life in China, other women also talked about how linear the pathway of their life was. Under the supervision of their parents and others, they climbed up the similar educational and social ladder that was designed by the society: You see, I grew up as a very diligent and good student under the supervision of my parents and teachers from the childhood to high school. I mean, like anyone else I followed the linear pathway of keep on moving from elementary school through high school. Everyone followed the same way arranged well by our society and parents, right? (Min)

Socially Controlled Web Besides the invisible web, some women also talked about the “visible control” of their social mobility by the society. The intense social control in their culture of origin became salient when they compared it to the more or less free social mobility they observed in the host culture: In China there also existed the visible control. For example, you wanted to change your job or move to a new institution, people can control your personal files and wouldn’t let you go anywhere if they don’t release them. Social control was very strong. But here you have much more mobility. As long as you find a job somewhere, you can go there. Just give an example here. (Si) The social control is pretty powerful in China. As I told you, my husband and I worked at the same university. When we both got the invitations as visiting scholars to a top university in the United States, we were so thrilled . . . too excited to go to sleep. We had a beautiful plan for our future and we are going to bring our daughter with us to a new land. But when we submit our applications to our institution for permission but we got denial by our college. They said that one of us needed to stay just in case the other one will not return back to China in the future. We were really upset by their denial . . . Think about it, we were a couple! A couple needs to be together! But the institution did not support us . . . I ended up to go abroad by myself first. For years my husband and I lived a separate life, which became a major reason for our divorce later on. Here I am with my daughter in the States. And my husband is still in China. A tragedy, isn’t it? (Ping)

In China, the social structure consisted of the government and the family. The pivotal institution that supported the government above it and enlightened the family below it was a person’s work unit. The family was controlled by the work unit as the institution was controlled by the government. The government could be loved or scorned, the family could be ignored or frag-

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mented, but one must not commit an offense against one’s work unit. The work unit was omnipotent in dispensing all social benefits: it managed birth, aging, sickness, and death; it decided what one ate and drank and where one disposed of waste; it issued pay, allocated housing and holiday goods, and admitted children to kindergarten. Finally, it controls everyone’s dossier. After you had been admitted to a university and had received a financial guarantee, you had to obtain a letter of recommendation from your work unit before applying for a passport. Whether you could get such letter depended on how enlightened the head of your work unit was, or the mood of the personnel administrator authorized to write such letters.2 Obviously social control was very powerful over a person’s life in those days. Power-Positioned Web Reflecting on the life experiences in China, women students had strong feelings of the “power” hierarchically positioned in the webs of social relationships. The authoritative person in the network of social relations in China had much control and influence on many aspects of women’s lives no matter how unwillingly they might accept them: Like there are many life experiences we had in China could give you a strong feeling about the power of the network of relationships around you . . . Right now, I am thinking of a story happened in my research institute in China. That was in the first year of my work there. And once we had a research task to investigate the quality of the water and soil in a local community. Several of us, my boss (director of the institute) and two of us research assistants took bus to that community. My boss told us that he knew the leader of the local community (who is in charge of the environmental protection) quite well and they were good friends. But he also knew that the quality of water and soil in that area wasn’t very good, that’s to say, it wasn’t qualified for the standard of environmental protection. But they were very good friends . . . So my boss implied that we’d better try our best to ‘help’ the local community. Then we understood what he meant by that . . . we should try our best not to be so rigorous or strict with our research investigation! It just sounded so disturbing to me and I was quite uncomfortable to follow his message . . . But he is my boss and he had this power. So what should I have said? Nothing . . . nothing . . . Just followed my boss’s mission. And by the end we did a ‘good job’ in that investigation report, I mean, we ‘rescued’ the leader of that local community with the ‘false research report’ although the environment there was severely polluted! But we saved their relationship . . . (Min) Many of my classmates went abroad during late 80s. I knew very well that it would be impossible to improve skills further if I did not go abroad. Several

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universities and colleges in America accepted me and gave me a scholarship or assistantship. After five years of teaching English literature classes, I requested permission from the department to study abroad. The department chair reported this to the dean and dean to the president of my former college. Then this middle-aged department chair told me in a very formal and stiff voice, “the college didn’t want you to go abroad.” She said that it was not time yet for me to go abroad because I was still young. There would be plenty of opportunities for me later. I was speechless, stun, and furious! I could not start a contentious argument, nor could I figure out the reason for the denial. Angrily, I resigned. I can not tolerate the hierarchy of the power system. If I couldn’t win, I’d better quit. (Hua).

Being Watched and Arranged Having been embedded in power-positioned webs of relationships, these women felt themselves being “watched and arranged” by powerful others as they grew up. As this woman recalled, she always tried her best to do things so that she could fulfill others’ expectations. She felt herself quite powerless in such an arranged and privileged situation: So I did well in my school. I was sort of watched by many others and I did try my best to fulfill their expectations and of course, and I got into the best college in my province later on. I mean, to me like getting into the college is a milestone in my life . . . I just followed that simple pathway that others passed. And then . . . As I told you at the beginning, that I came to this institute . . . Actually it’s pretty easy for me to get that position ‘cause it’s just in my home city and my parents have known my boss there. See, that’s an arranged privilege that I had there. I mean, everything was just so easy to follow and you didn’t have to use your own mind or make hard efforts to get it. (Min) I felt lucky to get a well-paid job after graduation compared to my classmates. My father was a president of a large bank in my home city. He has certain power to arrange and create an opportunity for me . . . Well, you may say that he went through the ‘back door’ to get me a job. Yeah, maybe it is true. But everyone was doing that if they had any network to be used, right? That’s in China and you got to be good at “guan xi” (i.e. relationship) to make it. But the downside of it was that I was watched and arranged by my father. I could not really be myself like those classmates who were far away from their parents and could do everything they enjoyed to do. (Bin-Mei).

Being One Among Many Although the participants experienced tensions of being controlled and watched in the webs of social relations in the Chinese socio-cultural context,

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at the same time some of them also had collectivist senses of themselves as ‘being one among many” and had some secure feelings about their life in China: But in China even you are not a sociable person, there are always some people around who care about you. In China, you felt you were one among many, it was warm . . . you were living in a big family. Such as we had a teacher in charge of a whole class, he/she cares to ask about your life and study. If you are sick, she/he will ask about it. But here nobody cares about such things. (Si) I lived in a neighborhood and felt like being in a big family. Everyone knows about one another . . . I mean you were not alone by yourself. You could easily get help from folks. People like sharing too. The funny thing is that we all cook outside in summer, our neighbors would like exchanging dishes and food with each other. Sometimes I felt embarrassed for my cuisine skill . . . but it does not matter that much. What we do is to exchange feelings and relations through the food. I still have a funny and intimate feeling for it. (Ling). I guess that my family is quite traditional, I mean, following those Confucian ideas that people need to be very relational and put others before your self. I was trained to be sensitive to others’ needs, be generous and caring. I was friendly and relational person since I was a kid . . . I was constantly praised by my parents and teachers to be that way . . . With all that said, I guess I like to treat others as my family members and enjoy being connected to others in that way too ‘cause that was how I was brought up by my parents. (Yuen).

Everything Was Stable and Easy There For some women who worked in academia, life was relatively simple, stable and easy. They felt materially secure: In China I taught in a university, everything was stable and easy there. I didn’t have to worry about the material things. And you know, the university life is comparatively simple in terms of politics. (Xin) My husband and I both taught at a top university. We had a daughter sent to daycare. Our teaching load was light and enjoyable. We choose what we wanted to teach and we had much free time to do research or just relax. The relationships with our colleagues were simple and equal. We mind our own work. On weekends we put down the work and went out to do shopping and eating at restaurant. Sometimes our students invited us to attend their parities, which was full of fun to be with the youth. Life was easy, secure and enjoyable in those days! (Ping)

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Nothing to Worry About For those women who were undergraduate students in China, they shared the similar secure feeling about their student life which was financially supported by their families. They just did their student things without worrying about anything: In China our classmates and friends were undergraduates supported by their families. I mean we had nothing to worry about. It’s very simple just to take courses, to take exams and do our homework. Then other time is ours and we can just enjoy ourselves and we had nothing to worry about. (Meng) In my junior year I decided to go abroad and told my parents and my boyfriend about the decision. They were so supportive to do anything for me. My boyfriend went to bookstores to buy English examination books for my preparation for TOEFL language test. He expected me to go ahead and do some exploration first. If I succeeded, I could help him too. Basically my whole family was taking care of me. I just focus on my study and future that may be colorful and mysterious ahead. (Si)

Through reflecting on their senses of self embedded in life experiences in their culture of origin, these women students had a complex sense of being in webs of relationships. Some women felt controlled and limited by the webs of relationships, and that they could hardly make personal choices because they were “watched and arranged” by the powerful others. They sometimes felt the “care” of the relationships was not mutually given but hierarchically positioned by the power between authoritative others and themselves. For these women, self formation did not occur in an individualized container but within a web of relationships. Weaving self for these women, therefore, depended to a great extent on how the web of relationships constituted them.

FRAGMENTING SELF The process of “fragmenting self” was located in their experiencing of the social injustice and the depressing personal life embedded in contemporary Chinese society. These experiences led them to deconstruct the stable and unified traditional ways of being into multi-faceted senses of self. These lived experiences make them reflect, question and evaluate the cultural ways of being and doing which constituted their self-understanding in their culture of origin. The process of fragmenting self started with their psychological displacement caused by their experiencing some depressing, limiting or contradictory life

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events, and it was furthered by questioning and reassessing the ways of being and doing in the culture of origin, ending with their actions of breaking the web to get out. Experiencing Psychological Displacement Having experienced some life events in China, these women students began to generate a psychological movement of displacing themselves from China and toward the decisions and imaginings of the United States. Their psychological displacement was located in their subjective experiences of being “out of place,” created primarily by their dissatisfied feelings about their current lived experiences in their homeland. These experiences of contradictions and conflicts embedded in their life events made these women take some actions and strategies to resolve them. Witnessing Corruption/Fashions/Biases Some women students felt very unsatisfied with their lives in the China of that time. In the process of modernization, there appeared corruption in the government and fashions that rich people yearned for in everyday life. One participant, who was a university instructor, identified herself with most of the common people who lived a hard life there. She was very unsatisfied with some people’s greediness for power and material things: In China I witnessed . . . I experienced corruption in the government. And I knew that the common people live a very hard life. And I dislike some people’s greediness for the power, for the material success . . . and the decline of morality . . . People don’t care about the morality if they can get rich and satisfy themselves. Like the Confucius kind of thinking in terms of respecting your parents, your teachers and loving others was gone. People don’t value these things. And in the family, the divorces, the rate of divorce is rising. It even becomes a fashion. You know, having a lover can be a fashion. Earning a lot of money is a fashion and being a leader, I mean, getting a higher social status can be a fashion. To say it in one word: power and money rule this country . . . (Xin)

Another student named Ling was from a working poor family. Her father is a farmer and mother is a housewife taking care of five siblings at home. She grew up to struggle with all the discriminations and hurdles that those rich people put on her family and her own life. You know, I’m a farmer’s daughter . . . a person from a working poor family. My father works so hard in the field from daybreak to the sunset. Our income

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was solely based on the small amount of money that we got out of the field. My parents hardly manage to pay my tuition at the college . . . I never got any new clothes through my college years . . . and many rich kids in my class picked on me and teased about my simple and economic lifestyle. One particular girl who was from a rich family, I mean, her father is a president of China Bank in a large city. She simply spends money on whatever she likes, fashionable clothes, cosmetic products, computers etc. and she showed off her rich lifestyle . . . spending money like water flowing down to the pipe . . . At one point, she told us that her father had so many rich friends like those CEOs in the company, bank managers and high rank officials . . . and those people simply give her family money, valuable stuff like gold and diamond products, and even credit cards as gifts . . . Then I began to understand what corruption really means among rich and powerful people . . . (Ling)

The corruption among the powerful people and high-ranked officials is so obvious in the society and the gap between the rich and the poor is even more greatly enlarged. The complains of working class people could be heard on the street and in the villages. The negative impact on those ordinary people’s families and their children turned into a powerful psychological resistance and even motivation for some women students’ decisions to leave for a new land for a dreamed new life. A Job Fair For some women the gender bias they experienced in the job market was another reason for their psychological displacement from the homeland. The traditional gender bias on the different capacities of men and women (such as “males are more capable to do things than females”) still played a role in choosing professions in a job market in China. This woman participant told me about such a gender bias she experienced at a job fair: Being a woman or a man doesn’t matter that much in my thinking about who I was in China until the time when I looked for a job before the college graduation. Once I went to a ‘job fair’ in home city. I saw many posters that said “no women wanted.” That suddenly made me feel that I, as a woman, wasn’t appreciated nor needed that much in job market. (Si) I submitted my resumes to different companies and they were all very interested in my training and educational backgrounds. To be honest, I was one of a few top students in my class at this top university in China. My practical and mental skills in computer science were efficient and advanced in so many ways that I could be hired as a manger in the company. I’m proud of my interviews with different key people in the company. But they hired me at a relatively lower

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level of program engineer rather than a manger or at least senior engineer position. Instead they offered a male student a better position as a senior engineer and gave another guy with a position as a director of program in the company . . . the whole thing really pissed me off . . . I mean, they didn’t have any legitimate reason to put me down. When I asked them why, they simply said “If you were a guy, things would be different” . . . They were so bluntly honest to express their gender bias! Well, what can I do about this type of ideology that actually existed for thousands of years?! (Yuen)

A Boring Life Some women did get very “privileged” jobs after college graduation, yet they didn’t feel quite satisfied with it: Then I got a job in a research institute sponsored by the government and my job was related to the environmental research. How to say? It’s a very ‘comfortable’ and profitable institute . . . It’s too comfortable and free environment that I don’t think it a good place for young people to stay. I mean, life there was too easy and loosely organized . . . Basically you didn’t do anything seriously and efficiently. Nobody gave you any pressure! I remembered that boss even told us things like, “If you guys feel bored here, you could try to entertain yourself with practicing the calligraphy . . .” (Min) Well, somehow I was tired of my work as a university teacher at previous institution. I basically taught very light courses and spent most of time at home and sometimes had meetings in the department. I basically raised my son without hiring any babysitter because I had plenty of time and I didn’t need anyone to help me. When I went to teach just a three classes a week, my husband (also a university teacher) could stay home with my son. Other than teaching, I was not very much stimulated to do research or get advanced training. Life there was just too easy to a point that I felt bored and wanted to get more challenges for my career and life. (Lei) A piece of newspaper in hand, a cup of green tea to sip and chatting with my friend over the phone is my “job” at the company in China. People try to kill time using variety of ways, and we’re still well paid. At beginning I kind of like it. Then I felt so bored of it. I’m only in my early twenties and just graduated from college. I need to think of something big for my future. I felt scared and uncertain if I continued to live that way. It just wasted my life! (Bing).

A Depressed Life Some women made decisions to come to the U.S. because they felt that they deserved better treatment based on their professional capacity. The following

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woman expressed how depressed she was with the unfair treatment she got when she taught in a university: I was selected as a member to go to Singapore to have some training maybe less for one year. And at that time I already know that my husband will come to America (for his Ph.D. degree). And they said that if I go to Singapore, I have to serve at that university for maybe ten more years and I can not leave . . . so I was so depressed at that time. And also I think, based on my work performance, I deserve having that training. You can not set any limit to me that I have to work for you. See I am not selling myself to this school . . . (Jun) I felt that I was slaved at the company that I worked for three years. I was always given extra projects to do and paid much lower than my male colleagues . . . And I tried to be nice to everyone in my group (most of them were guys) but they were not supportive of my job especially when I was burn out and asked for help from them. They often made jokes to me and said things like,” well women are supposed to hold the half sky” (from Chairman Mao’s slogan in 1970s). For years I felt isolated and finally made decisions to leave the company for a new place . . . now here I am. (Lan).

Not Good at “Guan Xi” Being raised up in a cultural context where “Guan Xi” (i.e., relationships embedded in the web of belonging) was very much emphasized, these women felt themselves not good at dealing with those relationships. They did not know how to please the powerful and how to fit in the web of relationships in their work unit: But in China we had a kind of thing called “Guan Xi”. So, I think that just because I newly graduated from college and I was not good at dealing with these kinds of things. I didn’t know how to make my director happy and how to make myself accepted by every person in that group. So it was a little bit of difficult. At first I think that if I could do my work well or if my students loved me, indeed I did a good job. But later I find out it’s not that way. (Jun) You know, Chinese culture was influenced by Confucianism, that is, relational way of being is his ethical idea. I was raised to be sensitive to others’ needs and expectations and so am I today. Probably that is the good part of Confucius ideology that taught people to be caring, sensitive, and responsible among relationships. On the other side of the relational philosophy, I felt something was missing, I mean, where is my own need or myself? You know, I am a type of person who likes to be in her own ‘space’, I mean psychological space that I want to be my own person and to be relational. Yes, I want both . . . but it is not that easy to be yourself embedded in a relational culture. Even on campus, there

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was this network that you either have to be part of it and get what you want from the relationships or you have to take the risk of being isolated by others . . . I guess, I have struggled not to be very much into the relationships but still keeping my own way of being or my own space. (Xin)

An Unfair Treatment The woman participant above also told me about the unfair treatment she experienced when she was a college teacher. She thought she had put much effort in her work and deserved a promotion. Yet the older colleagues in her department thought it unfair for her to be promoted simply because they thought she was younger than they were. The hierarchical power based on age in the web of relationships among colleagues made her feel powerless and her working effort did not get her anything: They just think that you can not get that . . . you are young.” So at that time I still lived with my family. And everyday I got up at six o’clock and took the bus to go to school. Even on the bus, I had to prepare my lectures. So it’s a bit difficult for me . . . At that time, I felt that I could no longer stay in that university. I don’t think my effort will get me anything and I don’t feel fairly treated. (Jun)

Another student expressed her feelings toward the evaluation and promotion system in the department where she taught at the university. I worked really hard after six years of my teaching in the department and I was very productive in my research. Students liked me as a wonderful teacher and gave me excellent evaluations on my teaching every year . . . I was well recognized among my colleagues too. But the time that I thought about my promotion to an associate professor and I thought I was ready to submit my applications, my department chair told me that he did not think that I was ready. And I asked him why, he simply said, “well, someone (a male professor) is older than you and he had more years of working experiences . . . you’d better wait for the chance after him . . .” I argued that the promotion was not based on how old a person was how long he had worked at the institution but rather the quality of performances. I was there longer enough and qualified for the promotion. But it did not happen . . . Then I made a decision to leave for a new land. (Ping)

A Material Life For some women who had worked as professionals in a business setting in China, they were bored with the material life that people were crazy about. In modern China “making money” became a glory and one’s value is dependent on “how much money you can make.” This woman told me how “money”

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had played a central role in her sense of self when she was a successful business woman in China and how she got tired of it and wanted to improve herself educationally: Like what I often laugh at my father, although he was a chief engineer and he controlled his company, but we (my brother and I) said things like, “Look, we make more money than you guys do!” I think at that time, just like most young people, we were crazy about money . . . But my parents always want, I think in their dreams, to want me to get higher education. And I really want to get my master degree too. If I stayed in China, I don’t think that I can get it ‘cause I was so crazy with my job and money. Actually I was very tired of that material life. So I decided to calm down a little bit and relax for a while. So when I got my visa, I felt “Ok, it’s time to go”. (Lan) People are very realistic and money-oriented in today’s China. I used to feel good about my life and satisfied with what I earned at my company. But then my classmates moved really fast to an upper-class lifestyle if they went to foreign-invested company or knew some high officials who could opened the “back-door” for their business . . . . I guess I was very slow and lack of network to make big money or to be rich . . . My friends teased me as a rich person spiritually or intellectually but a poor person materially. Even my boyfriend started to pick on me and wanted me to take adventures and make “more money” in a new workplace. I felt the greediness for money among people and I didn’t quite fit in that type of environment . . . So I chose to quit or be away from those vogue people. That’s my personal choice and I never feel regret about it. (Bing)

A Psychological Strike Another woman told me that she displaced herself from China because of a psychological strike she experienced as a freshman there: I got a “strike” (I mean psychological strike) when I was a freshman. I used to be on top three of the whole class at high school. But now I was a so-so student. I mean, I became an ordinary one among those top and smartest students in my class. I couldn’t accept this fact because I used to be a top student who got much attention from my teachers. And here at this best university I am so ordinary . . . And I suffered a depression during my freshman and sophomore years. At beginning I didn’t study well, and then I lost my interest in it. Then there were many of my classmates who began preparing the GRE and TOEFL for the applications to US universities. Almost half of the class did this. Then I followed this “stream” to attend the training classes for the two exams. (Si)

Xin talked about her sense of confusion and loss because of difficulties of searching “truth” of life while she taught at a top university in China:

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There were different schools of thought, philosophy, ideology in late 1980s under a free ideological environment. There were people who believe in Marxism, Confucianism, Existentialism, Buddhism, Taoism etc. I was not satisfied with all those ideas ‘cause none of them could help me with the fundamental answer of why we should live and what we live for. What is the meaning of life? That’s the question that has hunted me for years while I was at college. I didn’t get any answer. I heard about “Christianity” and also studied the Bible as part of my literature major at college and graduate years. But I was still confused or hard to be convinced by “eternal life” . . . it sounds good but too vague in terms of whether there was a new life awaiting for us in heaven . . . I mean, psychologically I was yearning for finding the truth or meaning of life . . . at the same time I struggled with this feeling of loss or psychological strike that not seeing the hope or the fundamental meaning of life. I was lost and tried to figure out a way out of the myth of life. (Xin)

Failure of Personal Relationship Another woman student shared that she had been a very successful business woman and had lived a “rosy” life in China. She actually didn’t want to go to a brand new place to restart a totally new life. But the failure of her relationship with her boyfriend made her to come to the U.S: Actually I came out by “accident” . . . I mean at that time my life there was so ‘rosy’ and everything was so good and I didn’t want to come out. I mean nobody wanted to go to a brand new place to start everything over . . . How to say? Because at that time my relationship with my boyfriend was not going well . . . at first I wanted to find a job in another place of China and then I decided to come out to the United States to escape and to forget about him. (Bin) My marriage in China was broken. It was very painful . . . Afterwards I was remarried to this Chinese guy in the United States. But people had bias and prejudice on my marriage, they thought that I deserted my ex-husband for purpose . . . the purpose like I was married to this Chinese guy in the U.S. in order to go abroad with him. But that’s not the truth at all. But I couldn’t change people’s bias to me. So I had better leave there. (Lei)

There were some women students who came to the United States either voluntarily by themselves or who were sent to study here by the Chinese government. Their psychological displacement from their culture of origin was emphasized less: I was eager and confident to come to study in the U.S. and um . . . I guess that I didn’t think too much about going to a place so far away from home. You

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know, I was quite young at that time . . . full of ambitions and imaginations of this new world. (Ling) I was sponsored by the government to study here. I mean I was selected to come here because of a good record of my academic achievement when I taught in China. And I lived on a good amount of fellowship . . . It was quite a comfortable life at the beginning of my study here. (Ping)

The psychological displacement for these women was generated by some of the negative life experiences they experienced in their culture of origin. For some women the psychological moment of displacing themselves from China was caused by the observed corruption or biases they had experienced. For others the displacement was located in their subjective and spiritual experience of their feeling uncomfortable with the cultural ways of being (e.g. not being good at “Guan Xi”) and their being bored with their social and personal life in China. It is this moment of displacement that made them question and reassess the ways of being and doing in their homeland. Questioning and Reassessing Ways of Being and Doing in the Homeland Having witnessed social injustice and experienced depressing life events, the participants began questioning and reassessing the cultural aspects of their life experiences that informed their ways of being and doing in their culture of origin. They reassessed who they were and how they behaved in Chinese culture and developed some critical thinking on these cultural ways of being and doing. Cultural Strength and Weakness Reflecting on the cultural ways of being in webs of relationships, women had both positive and negative feelings: I mean, the strength of our network of relations in China is that you had those emotional and material supports from people like your family members, relatives, friends, colleagues etc . . . I mean you felt that you were always connected to someone under whatever difficult circumstances. I mean, you were never alone. But weakness is that we were too much entangled with each other, I mean, we paid too much attention to building up the network of relationships from place to place, from people to people. I mean, sometimes they are not kind of healthy relations that can promote social development or sustain the positive

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things in you . . . like developing the ‘fairness’ and ‘equal competition’ of a society or motivating your own capacity to do things, relying on your own hard work to achieve something or get a scientific results etc. (Min) I taught British and American literature at a top university in China but I always appreciated our Chinese literature and culture in general . . . I have been nurtured by the beauty of Chinese literature and Chinese values and morals. I always appreciate the ethical teachings of Confucius and Taoist ideas. I can tell that I am a very relational and caring person. I was taught to respect parents, teachers, elders, neighbors and friends etc. Those ethical relationships are important still now in my life. I mean, if people have big “ego” just for himself or herself, the society would be very separated and self-centered . . . On the other side of the corn, if there is too much of “we” without “I” in a culture, our sense of who we are will be lost in the relationships per se. But I still want to be a person who cares about others before herself and who also tries to be herself in terms of her own will, choice and freedom to make decisions and live her own way of life. (Xin)

I Wasn’t So Sure of Myself Thinking of whom she was in China, this student described that she had to play many different faces under different situations: In terms of my life in China, I was good in my career but there were many restrictions there. You know you had to ‘play’ many characters. I mean you need to have a lot of different faces: going home is one face to your parents, to your friend may be another. But here basically you just work hard. I mean the relationship in China is not simple. I feel that I wasn’t so true of myself . . . (Bin)

A woman student who used to be a professor at a university expressed her struggle with multiple identities and she tried to reach a balanced life of just being herself: I was a professional woman if not superwoman in China. I mean I have many identities to present to others. At work I was a professor and at home I was a mother and a wife. In society I was a academic woman with scholarship and accomplishments but at home I was totally a housewife . . . by the way my husband didn’t appreciate my doing research at home after work and he just needed a wife not a scholar in the house . . . .Well, I had struggled to live a balanced life but it was not that easy. Sometimes I felt confused who I really was and what I wanted to be, that is, to be an academic woman or just be a woman. It was hard to find a solution and I guess that I still wanted to be both without giving up my dreams in the future. (Ping)

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I Felt Myself Quite Weak Reflecting on who she was in China, this student felt herself quite weak to deal with the complicated social relationships in the university where she taught: I guess I’m a kind of person who doesn’t know how to get along with people in those complicated relationships. I mean, I don’t know how to brownnose the powerful. And so I just worked hard to do a good job in teaching. But that’s not enough to protect myself . . . I mean people around you are very competitive and they had a kind of power in the network of relationships. So comparatively speaking I was very weak ‘cause I didn’t have networks. And I guess I was weak in competing things with people. (Lei)

Another student felt the pressure to be a capable person with skills and knowledge in her previous institution in China: After college graduation I was determined to work for a few years, get married and then went to graduate school to get master degree in education. But things did follow that direction . . . There were many male colleagues in my workplace, they were very competitive and aggressive to do things and get what they wanted. I was not used to that kind of competitive system and totally felt left behind if I was humble and nice to just give up chances to let others succeed before me. I mean, I felt so weak for my ‘feminine’ personality and unfortunately nobody really paid attention to my ‘sacrifice’ for others and they probably thought that I was a woman colleague who was supposed to be ‘soft’ enough to give up my own interest and let them stand above my head. Well, intellectually I had equal talents with those male colleagues but psychologically I felt weak in my personality, my ability and my courage even to compete with them. (Hua)

I Felt Myself Twisted or Divided into Parts This woman was a successful business woman in China. It seemed to me that her “care” for the relationship with the powerful made her true sense of self twisted and divided into parts: In China I felt myself twisted or divided into parts. One part of me kind of looked down the other part of me. It made me feel so shameful for what I did and I often asked myself later, “why should I ingratiate myself with him or her?” Like sometimes we need to go to the bank and tax bureau to have dinner with the officials and danced with them together, you just felt ‘disgusting’ and you felt like a ‘beggar’. (Lan)

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Another woman who worked in a business setting in China had a strong awareness of the importance of the work relations with her boss and felt herself quite submissive to the power that the authority held: In China doing business is the most difficult thing to me. I don’t know if that’s because of my own character or not. Because my character is a quite straight forward, that is not good for business at all. Sometimes I had to change totally into another person to do the things that I really don’t want to do. I didn’t like to do that. But my thinking is that if I work hard maybe everything will be fine. But it’s not like that at all. The relationship with your boss was the most important thing and then is your work performance. So I particularly needed to think about what you should talk with them (bosses), how you should talk, and how to keep guan xi with people.. I mean all those “side work” you had to do. (Bin)

I Felt Myself Quite Muddled Women who had middle-class privilege in their families lived a relatively simple and easy life in China, but they didn’t know who they really were in terms of their capacity, potentials and talents to do things in the future: From my childhood to my college years and working period , I lived a simple and easy life . . . I mean, I didn’t know much about myself . . . Actually I felt myself quite ‘muddled’ . . . like I didn’t know about what I should do for my future, about my minimum and maximum capacity, my survival capacity and some other potentials . . . In a word, I don’t know clearly who I really was then. And I felt myself quite ‘muddled’! (Min) I should confess that I was spoiled to live a very comfortable and privileged life from my childhood . . . My parents both earned a larger amount of money than most people and my family had our own business in the city. My brother and I went to best schools all the way to the elite college, money never became a problem in our life. My mother just wanted me to concentrate on my own study and I was never distracted by family responsibility or other routines in my life . . . Everything came too easily to me and I never encountered any challenges in my life. My classmates gave me a nickname of “sunshine”, that is, I never felt miserable, depressed or difficult in my life . . . But one thing that I know for sure is that I will leave my parents and hometown and have to be independent somewhere in the future. Now most of my classmates left for abroad to search for their “dreams” and they were so confident and brave enough to go to a new land. But I felt so terrified by the idea of being so far away from my parents and my city although I so much wanted to improve myself in a new land . . . I mean, I am smart intellectually but feel disabled psychologically . . . I felt weak, timid,

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and confused about who I am and doubted whether I can be “somebody” in the future. I was lost and it was really hard. (Lan)

I Regret a Lot As college students in China, these women had lived comfortable but limited student life: Oh, I regret a lot! I feel regret about all those five years I spent at college in China . . . I just went to lectures, did my home work and went back home to have a good dinner, slept well and watched TV. And that is what I did in those five years! I knew very fewer friends except my classmates. I had a smaller circle of friends than I have now. So if I could have begun my college life again, I would choose another way of life . . . I mean I didn’t know how to enjoy life and myself before. (Yuen) Looking back at my life in China, I was not very productive at my workplace. You were assigned to do some projects by your boss and they were not very challenging tasks . . . There was lack of the competition in the system, I mean, the merit evaluations were pretty equal to everyone, whether you have done an excellent job or just at an average level. You got the same results or rewards with those who might have given extraordinary contributions . . . Much of my time was wasted to do the tedious jobs and my talents were not fully developed or used. I had a strong sense of being useless. (Bing).

Through reassessing their ways of being and doing in their culture of origin these women students developed a critical consciousness of the lived experiences in Chinese socio-cultural contexts, which constituted their senses of who they were. In terms of Chinese ways of being (i.e. being embedded in webs of relationships), these women felt their selves “twisted or divided” into parts because they had to pay attention to the powerful in the web of relationships. The power hierarchically positioned in the web blocked their psychological freedom to be who they truly wanted to be and made them feel “quite muddled” about their potentials and capacities to do things in the future. They felt “regret” that they had to do “side-work” to be in the web of relationships. After questioning and reassessing their cultural ways of being and doing, these women students felt psychologically ready to break the web and move towards the new land they had been imagining of. Taking Actions/Strategies to Get Out: Breaking the Web Having experienced those life experiences for their psychological displacement, these women students made their choices to break the web of relation-

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ships that they had woven in their culture of origin and imagined the gains and growth they would achieve in the United States. With an ever-increasing awareness of the opportunity, going abroad to study started like a ripple in a pond and grew to be a wave in an ocean. To Chinese college students, studying abroad was a challenge filled with adventure, as search for personal values, and an opportunity that could change one’s life. Thus going abroad became a big event in a life that was otherwise ordinary, languid, and colorless. The yearning might eventually turn from a sweet dream to a nightmare, but doubtless it had brought boundless hope and a lust for life to China’s youth by giving them the freedom to choose their own path.3 The motivation for studying abroad varied. Some students went because they had lofty aspirations or sought an opportunity for their talents; others left to escape a psychological disappointment or an unsatisfying marriage. Going abroad meant different things to different people. Some did it to earn honor for their country or to pursue personal growth, wealth, or freedom of choice or speech. A Weakening Call Most people probably felt envious upon reading that others were leaving for advanced studies overseas but did not give it another thought. If someone got admission with scholarship to an American university, then the news would soon spread that among the college classmates. For many students they suddenly have a rude awakening: “If they can do it, why can’t I?” A twenty-eight-year old graduate student at a private university in Northeast region recalled that she had never considered studying abroad; the opportunity simply was thrust on her. Me and my boyfriend graduated from a prestigious college in Beijing. Our college life was really busy with classes, examinations, seminars, sports, partying. Then there was this news that our best friends (a couple) in the same class got scholarship to enter the doctoral program at one of the top university in America. We felt very much stimulated by this news and decided to try our best to follow their footsteps. Then our life became even busier. We rode bicycles side by side to go to English training center and worked often to the midnight on those endless tests. Six months later, we both passed TOFEL and GRE with high scores. A year later we separately received letters of admission from two different American universities. About a month later we both boarded the same plane for America. (Meng) I had this “awakening call” one morning while I took a walk on campus in early spring. I looked around and saw many students who had ear phones to listen to English radios, standard TOFEL tapes or held a GRE book to memorize those

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vocabularies. I was an English instructor at that time and I was only a few years older than my students. Most of my young colleagues in English department worked hard to prepare for the exams and the applications to graduate schools abroad. I felt young at the age of 28 years old and should keep up my dreams of improving myself to a higher level through studying abroad . . . Since my major at the college was American literature, I truly wanted to continue to get a depth level of understanding the field and going to American graduate schools seems a realistic step for my academic journey . . . Yes, that morning gave me this calling from my heart and I decided to make a move toward next step. (Xin)

Following the Stream In that day’s China, going abroad to study had become a fashion among college students. Influenced by the campus culture of attending various training centers for language tests (i.e. TOEFL and GRE), many of these women followed this stream and became one among many of those peers who were applying for U.S. universities. This woman student told me that she was influenced by the popular belief of “the best go abroad”: Then there were many of my classmates who began preparing the GRE and TOEFL for the applications to U.S. universities. Almost half of the class did this. Then I followed this “stream” to attend the training class for the two exams above . . . There was a popular belief in Beijing like, “the best go abroad, the ordinary get a money-making job, the stupid go to university or research institute . . . ” By the third year of their graduate study, most of the class had left for U.S. graduate schools. The situation sounds very terrible, right? But that’s the situation. By the end, my motivation to abroad was pushed more by the situation, less by my intellectual interest . . . Here I am, fought smoothly all the way here. I felt I am lucky! (Si)

Peer Pressure For another woman student the only reason for her to go abroad was based on her comparative thinking of talents between herself and her peers: Another reason, maybe the more important reason is that many my classmates will go to the U.S. to get higher education. They are not smarter than me. If I don’t come here, maybe one day I will regret it. If I miss this opportunity, maybe I’ll never get a chance in future. (Meng)

And this woman student simply followed her classmates because it was really a popular thing to do in her university:

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A lot of my classmates applied for the degrees in U.S. universities and almost half of us were preparing the TOEFL and GRE at that time. That’s really a popular thing in my university. So I have been influenced a lot by that atmosphere. (Yuen)

Imagining the ‘Other’ The women students had various imaginations of the United States before they left for America. Through listening to others’ experiences in this country, reading books and watching movies, some of them dreamed of America as “a free country” and “a beautiful land”, but some women had imagined the hard part of life in America before they came. A Free Country. Many college students in China today thought of America as a free country full of freedom and opportunities. This woman had such beautiful images of the U.S. through listening to her father’s experience in the U.S.: Well, ‘cause my father had been in America for about three years and he also went to some other countries. When I came here, he was just back in China from his two years of work in France. And from his comparison, I preferred America to other countries ‘cause my father said, “That is a free country and if you have knowledge, if you have skills, you can prove yourself to everybody.” It is not like back in our country: relation decides lot of things! In the United States, your ability can prove yourself and it doesn’t matter of your race and culture. It doesn’t matter about your background or whatever. (Jun)

A Beautiful Land For these women students who had never come to the U.S. before, their knowledge of this new land was from books, movies and others’ lived experiences in the U.S.: Well, actually I didn’t have very specific knowledge about America. All I know is from the books and movies . . . like the land there is spacious and beautiful and people like to eat vegetables and healthy food . . . I mean, I only know very superficial things like that.(Min) U.S. was very attractive to me! I imagined it beautiful, different and full of opportunities. I had a dream of spending many years to study here. I thought that I would have a lot of fun here. (Ling)

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I was very familiar with American literature and culture from books I read and courses I taught in English department. I also knew quite a few American colleagues who often shared with me what their life was like in US. But I never really experienced its culture and I always desired to explore and feel it by myself. I like challenges and also believe in my own sense of what American life is all about. (Xin)

Life Will Be Hard and Different. For some women students who were successful professionals with higher social status and a comfortable life in China, their images of the U.S were not as idealistic. This woman who was a successful business manager in China did not think it easier to live in the U.S. because she had “such a good job” in China: I wasn’t like some Chinese students who thought that this country was perfect. No, I don’t think that way. And I think probably it’s not easy to live here. The reason that I think it hard is that I had such a good job in China. And also there are so many differences between us like culture is different and language is different. And you have so many friends and relationships in China. But there I don’t have any relationship and I don’t know my future. (Lan)

Imagining Self into the ‘Other’ When I asked the participants about their images of themselves in the U.S. before they came here, they shared their imaginary senses of their selves in the new land: Elevating self spiritually. This woman who was an assistant professor at a top university had imagined that student life in the U.S would be hard to live but she wanted to experience such a hardship: Many people who study in America said that life in the U.S. is very hard. Studying is very hard and surviving is not easy. So for me, I think I want to experience this hardship. Because in China I taught in a university and I had the stable salary, everything was going well. So I didn’t have to worry about anything. So for me maybe it’s a romantic thing that I want to experience the hardship . . . Experiencing hardship can elevate my self to another level spiritually (Xin). I’m not a very materialistic or realistic person. I guess that I enjoy much of spiritual freedom, such as freedom to believe in something . . . I was from a large city and already converted myself to Christianity. I went to the Church for Sunday worship and fellowship and felt spiritually good about my choice. But my religion was not well recognized by my parents, colleagues and surrounding people. I mean, people looked at me in a strange way, maybe I was “abnormal” in their eyes . . .

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You know, our Chinese folks did not have real religion instead of practicing ethical philosophy like Confucianism or doing meditation exercises based on Taoist ideas . . . Still they were very practical on body but not mind. But the more I was into Christian belief, the more I was yearning for the fellowship with people, which didn’t exist among ordinary people . . . There was a “hole” in my spiritual life and I was searching for that sense of freedom ahead of my life road. (Hua)

To Learn Something Advanced and New Some woman students had imagined that they could elevate themselves academically in the U.S. because they believed that they could learn more advanced knowledge of their fields here: At high school, I liked physics very much. Then I continued to study it at college. I was really interested in this major. I thought that I could make some achievement if I could go abroad to study it. Physics is a more advanced field here in the United States (Si). Everyone knows that the biology science is more advanced in the United States. So it’s good for me to learn something new here. You can tell the big difference in terms of lab equipments and environment to do research here. I imagined learning the first-hand experiences and knowledge from my professors and get help in doing data analysis. The quality of my research skill will be greatly improved in a better learning environment. (Min)

I’ll Lose Nothing For another woman (who just graduated from a college in China), she imagined that she could get an American master’s degree, which would seem more valuable than that in China: And afterwards I think, yeah, of course, why not? ‘Cause so many Chinesestudents want to come here, they are not fools and actually they are smart ones. So, I think, there must be something to motivate them to come here. The United States must have its attraction. Also if I go abroad and get my graduate degree, I will lose nothing ‘cause I just graduated from college . . . at least I can get a master’s degree here, which is no worse than a master degree in China . . . Maybe it has some privilege with a master degree here. So, I could lose nothing. (Yuen) What can I lose after all? I’m still young and I should take some adventures to explore the new world. I’ve seen movies of American people and their culture and I’ve heard stories of American Dreams . . . If those pioneers of our Chinese folks could dig out ‘gold’ and realized their dreams to ‘make it’ in a new

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land, why can not I? I mean, I could speak good English and I can take a good care of my life in a new place. I’m ready for the new adventure . . . so here I am. (Si)

I Want to Prove to Others This woman wanted to prove to others that she didn’t need the network of relationships: So I want to prove to others: well, I do not need relations. I do not need other things. I can come here . . . I think, my father felt a little bit of regret that no son can inherit his career ‘cause he is doing physics research and he graduated from the best university in China. In his field, he felt that he gained some reputation so he is a bit regretful that his daughter can not do this kind of thing. So I want to prove to my parents that also I can do something. And also from my school years to my working period, I always stayed with my parents, no independence. So I decided to be independent and tried to be on my own. (Jun)

While most of the women students were eager and happy to ‘get out’ and experience the ‘imagined world’, some were not certain about what tomorrow was like in the new land. They had some complex feelings when they left the homeland for the United States. Like a Kite Broken from Its Thread For these women students it was their first time to come to study in the U.S. On the one hand they felt lucky and happy to get an opportunity to further improve themselves academically in the U.S. On the other hand, they felt it hard to leave the close relationships in the homeland: Well, I was happy that I got the full scholarship. But I wasn’t very happy when I left my family in China. You know, I grew up in my home city for about 23 years and never left my parents. I was very close to my parents and I felt very sad when I left them (tears in her eyes and pause about ten seconds). I was like a kite broken from the its thread. I didn’t know what tomorrow was like in a foreign land. I felt a strong sense of loss and sadness . . . I mean, I couldn’t bear to leave my family there. But I had to go. (Meng)

Just Like a Baby Coming Out Her Mother’s Body Another woman student had the similar sense of loss and sadness because all the connections at home were cut off and left behind:

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Because when people come here, they feel that they are lost and they lost their roots and they lost their connections just like a baby comes out her mother’s body. You feel like you are floating and you don’t know what tomorrow is. (Bin)

BECOMING INTERNATIONAL WOMEN GRADUATES IN A NEW LAND: FRAGMENTING SELF The process of “fragmenting self” continued after these women students crossed geographic, cultural, and psychological borders from their culture of origin to the host culture. Women encountered “the other,” i.e. the host culture, and faced new psychological conflicts that they had never experienced in their culture of origin. They experienced further fragmentations in painful discrimination, disrespect, loneliness and self-doubt due to the shifting webs of social relations of race, class, gender, and power which are salient in the host culture. Facing Contradictions In the interview I asked these women students about their life experiences in the host culture. They talked comparatively about the following contradictions: imagined vs. real, whole vs. split, center vs. other, pride vs. prejudice, and collectivist vs. individualist, connection vs. distance, known vs. not known. These conflicting experiences reshaped their understanding of who they were in a new cultural context. Imagined vs. Real These women students had various images of the U.S. before they actually came to experience it. Through the media and listening to others’ experiences in the U.S., many women had developed some positive feelings of the American culture before they actually experienced it: But after I came here, I felt it’s not the same as I dreamed of ‘cause I thought that everybody had the equality. But here I don’t think so. I think that if you do not have money, at least you should have something to show that you are in the higher level or at least the same level with others, they will respect you. Otherwise they will treat you in somewhat different way. Before I came here, I thought that there is no racial discrimination here. But actually I think there is! (Jun) I encountered many foreign students from different parts of the world while I taught at the top university in China. I mean, I was used to get along well with

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students from different countries. As a faculty and advisor to some of them, I treated them like my family members. I invited them to my home for New Year’s Eave, Moon Festival, and some holiday gathers. I understood how difficult it felt to be so far away from your homeland . . . Actually our Chinese college students treated them very friendly and they helped them a lot. No matter you are black student from African countries or white students from USA or European countries, they were treated equally. I didn’t see much discriminations going on campus . . . Therefore I carried that kind of hope and knew that America is a particular place called “salad bow”, probably with their diversity and appreciation of different people in this land. But things didn’t follow my own will and I encountered some people here who kept such a distance from minority groups of students including some faculties and students in my department. I felt “cold” and “lonely” here. After all it’s not my homeland, maybe it takes time to be used to it. (Ping)

Whole vs. Split The same woman student talked about her marriage change after she came to the U.S. Her marriage was broken and she experienced a transition from a whole sense of family to a split from it: At beginning I was a visiting scholar and I got an excellent fellowship at the best university here. My husband and my daughter came to join me later. He also got a short period of fellowship. But the second year he went back to China. By now I am divorced . . . He is a professor of English, teaching old English in that best university of China. He was my classmate . . . Actually he is academically smarter than I am. But he couldn’t do anything here. So it’s better for him to go back . . . But I had to finish my program here and also we had a lot of conflicts . . . It’s nothing to do with academic issues . . . Yeah, that’s a transitional conflict . . . It’s too complicated and I don’t think that I would get into that. In China we had some conflicts too, but it’s getting intense here. (Ping)

Another student shared the similar situation by sharing her personal story of the split between herself and her boyfriend and also a split between mind and soul. It’s hard for me to say whether it’s worthy of going abroad for graduate study. My boyfriend said “goodbye” to me while I made decisions to leave China. His whole family felt that I dumped him for my own interests in the future . . . Well, how to say? It’s not fair. I am person who cares about him and our relationship. I encouraged him to join me to pursue advanced study abroad . . . But he rejected my idea and rather stayed in a comfortable working environment in China. We had different dreams and we could not be on the same track anymore . . . After the split with him, I felt the intense pain or anxiety of being separated

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between my mind and soul . . . I mean I had no more peace in my soul. I constantly felt the guilt and regret for the failure of my relationship . . . well, I mean, my mind is rational to tell me “it’s Ok. Just let it go and move on with new relationship”. Meanwhile my soul was whispering to me and said “you’re selfish to sacrifice your relationship . . .” Here I am, a person with conflicts and wounds. (Bing)

Pride vs. Prejudice All the women students had very good educational backgrounds in China and two of them taught English in the most prestigious universities there. One of them told me her sense of pride as a capable and well-educated person in China and her feeling as a devalued person by the prejudice in the host culture: To folks here, you are just a foreigner. In many aspects, you are . . . Well, I am not a native speaker. That’s true, right? I mean I can never be. Sometimes people judge you, you know . . . They judge you like “Well, you have a kind of accent . . . ” You know, this kind of judge . . . Well, accent, you can never improve it unless you came here under 12 years old. In terms of English, I really have too much training already. I still took a lot courses here, right? This is one thing, Ok? I mean they are kind of alienating the foreigners, which I never experienced at the previous university. At that university people welcomed you. They welcome you! That’s the difference, I would say. They wouldn’t say, “Oh, you are a foreigner, you can’t do this.” No, they valued your “other aspects” and they value your “other things.” They value your culture even. You know something they don’t know. You know, they invite you to talk about it. But here, well . . . they are limited, I will say. They don’t have open eyes. (Ping) It’s very ironic when I look at who I am today and yesterday. I used to be a person with much pride of my country, culture and my people. Look at the long and rich history of Chinese civilizations! I am so proud of all of those marvelous and mysterious cultural heritages . . . I am a literature major. I know that the strength and weakness of different cultures and literary discourses. But the mainstream literature history or the discourses in my field tried to value more of European and American literature and put different literature as “other” or called “minority” or “marginalized” discourses. It made me feel greatly devalued as a person who is from the “other” “minority groups” . . . Such kind of prejudice truly hurt your feelings. (Xin)

Collectivist vs. Individualistic The participants encountered and articulated the differences of cultural values between their culture of origin and the host culture. They felt uneasy with the

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“individualistic” orientation in the host culture and often thought back to the more or less collectivist life in China: Another issue is that the individualistic orientation of American culture is obviously a serious problem. Like my American classmates, each one of them has a very positive feeling about themselves. They seem like to be very focusing on their own needs and feelings when they get along with others. They didn’t pay much attention to others’ feelings and reactions. I can feel that when we talk. For example, one of my classmates got a swollen eye one day, when I saw him and asked about what’s wrong with it, he said that I was the first one to ask him about it. It seems like others didn’t see it. It’s easy for me to show my sympathy. It’s very natural to be a little concerned about people. Maybe I am used to it ‘cause in China you were very concerned about your friends. It’s like a habit . . . It is just natural to do so. People were concerned about each other’s life. You were aware of others. Such kind of relationships and concerns are very important to us foreign students here. (Si)

Similarly another woman student talked about how she felt lonely and isolated by her American classmates when she attended a party here: In China we sometimes chatted something interesting together. But here, if you go out with them, what you are doing may be quite different and what you are talking is also quite different. Actually I have been to one party by one of my classmates. She is from Asia but she has this American life style. All my classmates went to that party. We sat together . . . it seemed that we had nothing to talk. Sometimes it is because we haven’t been to many places that they have traveled to. So they showed me the photos of these different places. I mean besides this, you have nothing to do. You know, in China, with your friends when you chat, you can talk intimately with each other. You can touch each others’ hearts. You can talk something very deeply. (Meng)

For another woman student there were obvious differences in Chinese and American ways of thinking and doing. She related these differences to the different histories of two countries: Well, if we talk about culture here, I think it should be related to the history. You know, China had five thousand years of history. It’s hard for us to change something inherited from such a long history. I mean, we do have our Chinese way of thinking and doing things. America is such a young country. People do things very differently from each other here. I know that China still has some problems and sometimes American people say that’s not right to do those things. But you cannot change them in an immediate way. China has such a long history and the souls and ideas of Chinese people are very different from American people. For example, we do care about family and we do live with our grandparents, father

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and mother and kids together. See, we have this big extended family and we do love it. We always care about our families, kids, elders, husband and wife. Chinese people focus on good relationships, which is a very good and important thing in Chinese culture. We should keep this tradition. (Lan)

Intimacy vs. Distance Another conflict these women experienced was that the intimacy they previously held in their culture of origin was not valued in the host culture: Well, I think it’s quite different. When I came here, people told me that in America you do not need to be that friendly as in China ‘cause you just take care of yourself and your family and you do not need to pay much attention to others. And they even . . . as a joke they told me there are three things you can not lend: first is your car, second is your money and third is your wife . . . But back in China, we really borrow money and lend money to people. That’s quite a normal thing. But here they said no. Who knows! You can not trust others. It is different. Here people live their own lives and they do not care or they do not have energy to care about others . . . So, I think that the relations are different from those back in China. It is like: you live your own life and I live mine. There is this distance between people. (Jun)

Another woman shared similar feelings about the conflict between intimacy vs. privacy that she experienced in the host culture: In China we had that network of various relations with friends, colleagues, and relatives. I mean, we knew each other so well. You know what I mean? Like we could easily get together and ask about so many personal things even we were not so familiar at the very beginning. Things like asking about your family, your age, your marital status, your children and parents and even your income . . . But here people kept certain distance with each other and they didn’t get into that kind of conversations about others’ privacy at beginning of the relationship. I mean, it takes time for people here to get to know each other and trust each other. So at beginning I felt it hard to be close to people here but later on . . . I mean as time goes and you got to know this culture a bit more (Min).

These women students were used to living in a collectivist culture where friendship was valued in the web of relationship. They felt it hard to accept the educational philosophy of “business is business” in the host culture: See, here the kids get this education like ‘business is business,’ no friendship can influence the business. But back in China, Chinese learned that business is important but the friendship is even more important. But as time goes, we will

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understand that it is too expensive to pay more attention to the friendship instead of the business! So later we learned how to say ‘business’ thing. (Jun)

Being Modest vs. Being Competitive Another conflict women experienced in the host culture was to be modest vs. to be competitive when they had to present themselves in the public. Growing up in a Confucian culture that emphasized modest way of being with others, these women students felt hard to accept the competitive way of being with others in the host culture. This woman student who did her post doctoral work in one of the best biology labs in the U.S. felt herself too modest to better present herself: I have a more obvious feeling of the weakness of myself. For example, I am not used to express my own needs, or I am not as sure of myself as American people are. Because as a Chinese, to be modest is very important . . . sometimes I don’t feel that’s good for the competition here. For example, in my lab, I often keep my voice silent before I find out the best result of the experiment even though I have got something exciting before the final stage. I don’t want to speak about it until I am 100% sure about the result. But my American colleagues often speak out about their initial findings before they finish it. Like I accomplish one complete result, I might only speak about 60% or 70% of it. I wouldn’t totally present it. I mean, from our childhood we were not trained to better present ourselves. And I think it a weakness of our education. (Min) I was trained to be “modest” or not to show off your talents from my childhood till now. I always step back a few steps whenever there were good opportunities to express your self or when people competed to show their talents. My major as a computer science put me in a very competitive environment and we did a lot of team work and individual projects. To be honest, I always had ideas in the group and initiated the project with most of contributions. But by the time to present our project, I always let others to speak first and illustrate the findings etc. It gave professors an impression that I was always lay back and did not actively participate in the group work, which is in fact opposite. But that’s my “humble” personality. (Ling)

After encountering the other, i.e., the host culture, these women students experienced multiple conflicts that they never experienced in their homeland. The intact senses of the values, beliefs, lifestyles that they learned in Chinese culture were fragmented and re-experienced as contradictory with the cultural ways of being and doing in the host culture. Thus “encountering the other” was an opportunity to contrast and question socio-cultural values they experienced in Chinese and American cultures, through which

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women’s lives were changed and they began to re-evaluate themselves in the host culture. Feeling Discriminated and Isolated Many of these Chinese women students shared their lived experiences of discrimination and isolation in the host culture. They felt themselves “being otherized” because of their repositioned ethnicity, race, class and power relations in the host culture: It’s unfair! One woman student told me a story that happened in a small store where she was unfairly treated by the cashier. Her sense of her racial and ethnic identity was intensified by encountering such a humiliating experience in the host culture: Once I went shopping in a store and when I checked out, the cashier looked at a dress and the price on it. She opened that and said, “Well, I doubted the price, it is not that cheap . . .” And I said, “Well, I didn’t wrap it. There are so many things in your store and I just picked up this one and I just like it . . .” She just doubted it and said that she would ask somebody to come to double check the price. At the same time a white lady behind me told her that she knew that’s the right price for it. But when I told her that, she didn’t believe me! So she just put the dress in a bag and said, “Ok” That is it? no apology, no explanation or anything? I thought, “How come?” If I were a white person, she wouldn’t have doubted me. (Jun) Once I was sitting in an Italian restaurant with my husband for my birthday. We came early that evening and noticed not many people showed up yet. We gave our orders and sat there for about an hour to get what we wanted . . . I noticed there were people coming much later than us and they were served like half an hour ahead of us . . . We were patient enough not to say anything and the waitress didn’t even say “sorry” to us . . . But she kept saying “sorry to let you wait” to those who came later than us . . . Small things like this really put you down. I mean, if it were in 1960s, things like this might be understandable. But today is in the 1990s and people still treat you differently . . . It’s just NOT ok and acceptable. (Lei)

I Was Humiliated The same woman also shared with me her humiliated sense of herself when she baby-sat for a boy in a white family. She felt her dignity as a college teacher (who used to be respected by her students) was lost here due to the unequal power relations in the host culture, i.e., she was hired by affluent others who would treat her with no respect and politeness: It was humiliated. I was a college teacher back in China, I came here and I had to be a baby-sitter. I took care of two kids: one is a 3-year-old boy and the girl

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is a baby . . . Sometimes the boy can even say, “You must do this and you must do that . . .” Some words are very rude . . . I really think that it’s a little bit of difficult. And I think that back in the university in China, if I said something in class, every student would listen to me. But here, this 4-yearold boy wouldn’t listen to anything from me. He wouldn’t listen and he didn’t have any respect to me. He often yelled at me with very dirty words before his parents . . . I cannot believe that! So, I think that I didn’t feel good at that time. At least I was a professional back in China but here I was a poor babysitter. (Jun)

The student named Hua shared with me a humiliating moment in her life when she spent her first Thanksgiving with her classmate’s family: It’s a cultural humiliation to hear people call you “China Doll” That’s the comment I heard from a grandmother of my classmate . . . I was invited to spend Thanksgiving evening with her family. Of course, my friend felt embarrassed for what her grandma said . . . I was shocked to hear this particular word from an elder person whom I respect . . . Maybe that’s the stereotype that her generations held on Chinese women. I told her my name and asked her to please stop calling me “China Doll” . . . She looked at me and said “you are such a sweet Doll”. I was stunned! (Hua)

It’s Not a Good Attitude to Me Another woman student told me an episode that made her feel very unhappy with the rude attitude she got from the chairman in her department. She found out that this chair treated her and two other white students differently when she asked for a help from him: I mean, once in a while I had a hard time with the chairman in my department. How to say? Like once I wanted to ask him a very emergent and important question, he just talked and joked with two other white students for quite a while. I told him that I just needed five minutes to talk to him, then his face immediately changed and it was a long face to me. I mean he was laughing and joking around with two other students just a second ago, now he turned to me and gave me this cold face. Then he said, “I am really busy, can we talk tomorrow?” I said to him, “I just need five minutes and it’s really important question that I want to ask.” He just very hesitated to talk to me and said coldly, “Then what’s your question?” . . . Then he said that he could only give me the answer tomorrow. Then I had to say, “Fine.” But when I came back the next day, he told me that he hadn’t thought about it yet and wanted me to wait for another day . . . That incident really hurt me and I had a hard time to communicate with him later. It’s not a right attitude! I just want him to treat me equally with other students (Bing).

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Although most women students experienced being discriminated against by the dominant white groups in the host culture, there were also some women who felt more discrimination caused by the Chinese folks in the host culture: In terms of the discriminations I experienced here, I would say that I was sometimes discriminated more by our Chinese folks here. Let me tell you an episode I experienced. That happened when I looked for my internship in a U.S. company. When I went for an interview, I met a few Chinese interns there. I was very pleased to meet them and wanted to talk to them. But they just ignored me with very cold faces, no smiles, no greetings. It seemed that they were afraid of my competing with their jobs there. I mean, they kind of having this insecure feelings toward me. So they were just so indifferent and hostile to me. But on the opposite, a few of my American classmates were so warm to me when we met. They introduced me a lot about that company and showed me around . . . I mean they were so warm to me and wanted me to work as an intern like themselves there. See, what a contrasting attitude I

got there! (Lei) I’m an Outsider In the culture away from their country, home and friends, these women also experienced the isolation in the host culture. They described their feelings as an outsider, being in their own world, and the difficulty of communication with others. They felt a sense of disconnection from groups in this culture. Ping described herself as an outsider left out of a lot of activities on campus. One reason for her isolation was that she was rarely invited to attend any event, the other reason was that she was not really involved in or connected to anyone even though she was occasionally called to attend some activities on campus. She was yearning to be involved in those activities but nobody treated her as an insider of the student groups. She just felt herself an outsider: As I said, it’s kind of isolated here. I mean even they kind of organize some activities here. I still feel ‘outside’. Even now I feel I am an outsider. I mean, I should be involved a lot activities on campus. But I am not. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to. I just feel that I am isolated. (Ping)

Another student shared her feeling as “being distant” from the mainstream culture here. Psychologically her soul is still in China but physically she is here: It’s an odd feeling that you are speaking English everyday on campus but your soul is back there in your own culture. I mean that I’m always an outsider in so many perspectives . . . such as I couldn’t really get into deep conversations with

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my classmates, I didn’t really understand or appreciate their sports, and I was not into much of their movies either. Besides the common subjects in our study and research topics, I don’t have much to share with them. It’s hard to find that “common ground” psychologically. (Xin)

I’m Still in Another World Women also described feeling as “in another world” because what they liked to do was different from what their American peers were interested in doing. This woman student told me how she felt herself isolated from her friends and classmates in the host culture because she didn’t like those hobbies that her peers enjoyed: Then after you stay in this environment for a while, you just choose the different things to do. For example, some girls in my class drink alcohol. Girls smoke. You know there are many things that I don’t like. They smoke and they talk. I don’t drink and smoke. It’s Ok . . . I don’t think it’s a bad thing, but it’s not good for health and I don’t like it. And they often go to the bar together, to drink and to dance. You know . . . Once they invited me to the bar, but that’s not the kind of place that I like to go. I don’t mean that it’s not a good place. Just it’s not the place that I like to go . . . Yeah, if I went there once, maybe you could make friends with others . . . You will be together often and talk a lot. You know, it’s just a different world. Although I take the same class with them and see each other every day, I just feel that I am still in another world . . . Actually life is different from China too. You know, in China we always did many things that could enjoy ourselves. But here it’s very boring (Meng).

I Feel Very Lonely Those women students who were single felt very lonely because of the lack of the intimate relationship in their lives: Yeah, I am a single here. I’m not married. I have some male American friends. They are native people, they can provide me with every opportunity and they often offer help to me. But sometimes I don’t like that. For a single woman, if I don’t love him, I have to keep a distance. And sometimes when I don’t like this person, I will refuse his help. So I make this choice although he could provide me some conveniences. Sometimes I feel very lonely and I want people to be around me. They sometimes want to invite me to the restaurant, still I don’t think it right to do this. (Xin) It feels terrible to be alone on weekends . . . I saw my classmates hang around with their friends and went to places for all kinds of entertainments. I had no

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place to go but rather spend time in the library or doing cleaning in my room. I tried to fit in but it’s hard . . . it’s not easy to make good friends and find the common interests . . . (Si). Even you’re surrounded by many friends, you still feel lonely. Something is missing. It’s like you’re wondering around in a foreign land, nobody truly knows who you are and what you want. My mind often travels back to my home city, my appetite craves for the dishes that my mom cooked for me, my feelings yearn for those connections with good friends. Gone are those days when my life was happy and joyful . . . I sometimes feel painful to think about the long march toward finishing Ph.D. in the future. (Meng)

I’m Homesick Almost all of the women students I interviewed told me their “homesick” feelings in this foreign land. This woman left her close family relations behind and she often cried. She also missed the “big family” i.e. her motherland and felt herself as part of it because “nobody can change that”. It was hard for her to live in the host culture without all those connections in her homeland: But at that moment, I still think it very hard to me ‘cause I left my parents and I do have a wonderful relationship with my parents and my younger brother. Even now I’m always homesick and cry often. It’s indeed really hard ‘cause China is our motherland and nobody can change that. I have so many friends and connections at home. It’s hard to be out of that connection. (Lan) I finally realize how wonderful to be in your own home country. Before I went abroad, I imagined and dreamed of the new land, new people, and new opportunities. Now here I am . . . and I finally captured what the old saying meant to me, “East, West, Home is the Best!” Yeah, home is an anchor of love, safety and support. When you had a home in China, maybe you didn’t really care it much and always wanted to look for something new. Once you’re located in a new land, you look back to search your root and realize how you are deeply attached to your root, your land and your people. (Xin)

It’s Really a Language Issue Women also talked about suffering feelings of impasses in communicating with their American friends in English. They felt it hard not to be able to express themselves in English as fully as they did in their native language. They felt themselves “lost” especially when their American classmates used jokes

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in the conversations. The difficulties in communication also blocked the possible ways to for them to build up closer relationships with American peers: I feel that I am more of ‘myself’ when I am with them (Chinese students). I think it’s really a language issue, at least that’s the first reason in my case. If I could fully express myself in English, I might have more other things in my life. But now, my English hasn’t been totally qualified. When I am with Chinese students, I can fully express myself. It’s not that easy to do so when you are with American students. (Si)

If You Talk, There Are No Topics Another problem for women’s disconnection with American friends was that if they talked to one another, there were no shared topics. This woman student felt very difficult not to be able to share the cultural and personal things with the American classmates. There was a certain distance between them, which language itself couldn’t bridge: Language is one reason . . . You know, for the simple thing you have no difficulty in understanding each other. But the problem is that if you talk, there are no topics. Sometimes you say ‘hello’ to each other and “What do you do on weekends? Do you enjoy your life?” At first we asked American students about the information of this country, it’s very interesting. But then we had no topics. (Meng) I was an English professor teaching British literature at a university in China. Language should not be a problem in my communication with anyone here. Yet, the problem is that there-is-nothing-to-say . . . it’s sad to see this happen between our Chinese students and American classmates . . . I wonder if it is my lack of initiative spirit in talking to people or their (American friends) less interest in sharing their life with us. Anyway that’s how things were . . . It’s funny that you’re very talkative or even chatty while you are with our Chinese folks. That makes me wonder whether there is this language problem or the cultural gap. (Ping)

What They Want and Like Are Different from You Women students also felt hard to fit into the lifestyles and hobbies that American classmates enjoyed. This woman student didn’t like those things that her classmates enjoyed, for example, her classmates liked playing computer games, going to bars, and parties. Even though she was physically with them, like listening to the music and talking together in the party, psychologically she felt herself disconnected from them:

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And what they want and like are different from you. I think my American classmates like going to bar but I don’t. I hate drinking beers . . . it is not what I like. Other American classmates like playing computer games. One of my Chinese classmates also likes playing that ‘cause he used to play that in China. So they can get together, play together and have a lot of fun. Yeah, they can have a lot of fun. But I don’t play that and it’s hard to be together with them. And going to parties . . . I have been to a few parties hosted by American friends. I admit that I did not quite enjoy those parties. Because they often play the music loudly and they talked with each other . . . sometimes they talked about their friends whom they knew, but I didn’t know who that was. And that music is too loud! It’s really hard for me to fit in. (Yuen)

Another woman student shared the different lifestyles with her American roommate: My roommate is a very pretty and lovely American girl and she loves fashions, enjoys going to the theatres. On weekends she could spend hours walking and buying those fashionable clothes in the Mall without any complains. I was invited to go shopping with her on a weekend just after Thanksgiving . . . Oh, you can not imagine how excited and crazy she was! She spent about $400 dollars that day for brand-named clothes, shoes and make-up stuff. Then she dragged me to watch two new movies afterwards. We were in the Mall for 10 hours and she was not tired at all . . . That was my last time to accompany her to do shopping. I know that she is a nice and friendly girl. You know, my interest is not in shopping or fashions. I’d rather spend money on books or any necessary stuff. Well, we’re very different. It’s not a matter of money and it’s actually so different between our outlooks of life. (Lan)

Women students articulated their lived experiences of being targets of discrimination and isolated by the dominant ethnic group in the host culture. For the first time they were “otherized” by race, class, language and ethnicity due to the change of the socio-cultural context and power relations from their culture of origin to the host culture. Women’s awareness of socio-cultural differences that left them feeling discriminated and isolated was heightened by their awareness of differences in the education between their culture of origin and the host culture. Feeling In-Between Place In their transitioning from their culture of origin to the host culture, women students had a feeling of moving into a psychological in-between place. In this place, they questioned, re-examined and reflected on the meaning of who they were in China as they moved towards repositioning themselves in new

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cultural contexts. Thus, “border crossing” was experienced as both a geographic and psychological leaving of places in their culture of origin and creating a new psychological place which incorporated who they were in China and who they had become in a mixed and conflicting context. That Makes Me Feel that I Have No Country Now When I asked the women students whether they had a sense of belonging to the host culture, they told me about their complex feeling as “fitting in” neither place, that is, neither their culture of origin nor the host culture. This woman student described her feeling like “I have no country” in the host culture. Her feeling of “I have no country now” indicates the psychological distance she kept both from her culture of origin and the host culture: When I was in China, I disliked the corrupted cultural environment there. So hope that I come here in order to forget about them . . . I wanted to forget these things and wanted to escape the corruption. But I encounter the same group of people again in the U.S. because they are the same Chinese. The only difference is that they came to the America. Of course I also had the positive feelings about Chinese students. They work very hard and they can help each other. But that’s not enough to bring us together and love each other very much. Sometimes I feel it easy to get along with foreigners or Americans because some of them are very good and nice. They are honest and kind. But I still think that I am a Chinese and maybe unconsciously I would think that my American friends wouldn’t really appreciate my culture very much . . . plus I couldn’t totally fit in their culture here. I don’t think that I can come to them as a group either. . . .That makes me feel that I have no country now. I cannot be very close to my people nor can I be very close to people here. (Xin)

I Couldn’t Understand Them Yet I’m Still with Them Another woman student described her dilemma in the host culture. Although she was physically with American friends, she had difficulty in understanding them culturally and being deeply connected to them psychologically: Sometimes they are having some activities together and they enjoy themselves very much. But I couldn’t understand them yet I’m still with them. I will feel very bad and I don’t think they feel good either. . . . So, at first I thought I would try to be as close to them as I can. But after a while I am a little bit of retreat to myself. You know, I’d rather find some Chinese friends and do something I like better. I think it is ok for me since it’s really difficult to be like them. You can not require them to adjust to you. It’s their culture and their country. If you want

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to be with them, you have to adjust yourself to it. But, it’s obviously very difficult for me. (Meng)

Another student often asked herself thoughtful question of “who am I and where am I now?” She said that this question may sound odd to ask but that’s how she felt on a daily basis: I often ask myself “who are you and where are you now?” This is more like a psychological challenge to my identity these years. I felt that I was physically in a very different culture with a diverse group people . . . I was looked at “different” than majority of white population. My preference for food and lifestyles are different from my American friends. I still think and talk in a different way . . . My outlook of life is still very Chinese . . . It feels strange to even reflect on these questions. As you know, when we were in China, you never thought about who you were and where you were. You are who you are and you’re confident of yourself! But now I’m someone who is so distant from China yet has not quite fitted in so-called mainstream society. Well, I guess you can never fit in. It’s hard. (Ping)

They May Accept your Body, But Not Your Mind Women students also had a feeling of not being intellectually accepted by the host culture. This woman described to me that she was quite capable to do a good job in her study and her work but still she didn’t feel herself fully accepted by her American peers and colleagues. The intact sense of her mind and body in her culture of origin was fragmented due to being repositioned as a different “other” by the dominant group in the host culture: I mean, different education makes their different abilities in creation and imagination. And also it reinforces different behavior. So I think after twenty more years of education in China, I can become a successful professional here but I am still not like an American. I can speak English and I can do all those kinds of work they can do. But I am still not one of them. Even if I behave exactly like them, still I am different and I can still feel difference . . . .Yeah. I think, the longer you stay here, the more you will feel lonely and hard ‘cause all these surroundings are different from the past. Maybe they accept your body, but not your mind. (Jun)

Women students described their senses of self embedded “in-between” their culture of origin and the host culture. The literal crossing geographic borders enabled women to live lives that were different from the lives they experienced in their homeland. However it was more difficult to cross sociocultural and psychological borders. Moving into a foreign land where one has

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more “opportunities and freedom” than their culture of origin was complicated for Chinese women students who remained connected to values and lifestyles of their homeland on the one hand, and struggled to understand the host culture and to be accepted by it, on the other hand. They described themselves as grieving and unable either to change people from their culture of origin or to adjust themselves to things in a new host culture. The cultural mobility left them in a psychological in-between place both distanced from their homeland and this new land. Experiences in U.S. Classrooms When I asked these women to tell me about their student life on campus, they shared various episodes happened in the classroom and their complex feelings (i.e. the negative, conflicting, and positive feelings) caused by those experiences. The classroom experiences intrigued them to rethink who they were in the academic and cultural setting in U.S. universities. I Felt Hurt Doing their graduate study in English (as their second language) in U.S. universities made these Chinese women students feel difficult and vulnerable when their English was mocked by professors or classmates: There is one white professor—actually a senior professor in the department, he always mocks your ‘bad’ English. He is very arrogant, very arrogant. I mean, as a senior professor he is supposed to be modest. Let me tell you a story in my classroom. There are six students in his seminar, three of us are Chinese students. That professor often makes some small mistakes in his lecture, but we all know the right answer. So we corrected it in our notebooks. Then he found out his mistakes, but he blamed us for not finding out his own mistakes. At this moment, a Chinese student (whose English is not good, as people know it) asked him a not closely related question, the professor yelled at him, “You, Shut Up!” Then the whole class was shocked by his words. Even the American classmates told me after class that they couldn’t accept that professor’s rude attitude. It’s unacceptable. I am very angry at that professor. I felt hurt. (Si) One of my psychology professors showed us a video about Asian Americans life experiences in US, there were a few minutes of conversations between an old Japanese lady and a Chinese lady. They spoke English to each other and I could manage to understand their conversations about their daughters and grandchildren etc. But the professor stood aside and commented, “Listen, that’s a good example of the old generation Asian people who spoke broken English . . .” Then the whole class burst into laughter . . . I said, “Come on, they were the first

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generation of Asian American women who didn’t get any formal schooling here . . .” I was so angry about their attitudes and left the classroom. And I never chose to take that professor’s class again. (Ping)

He Said, “It’s Exotic!” Another woman told me how she experienced Eurocentric thinking from a white professor in a methodology class. In her opinion this professor’s teaching philosophy was totally Eurocentric. She described this academic tension between “Euro-American thinking and exotic other”: He is an expert on Heidegger, Lacan and Foucault—all the Western modern and contemporary thinkers. All of them are either from Europe or from America. So his field is totally European oriented . . . The episode is that when we studied Heidegger’s essay On the Way to Language , Heidegger wanted to know what is the nature of language and he mentioned Taoist, the Tao. He said that the way is like Tao. And Heidegger appreciated this idea very much. But when the professor encountered the word “Tao” which is raised by Heidegger, he said, “It’s exotic!” He didn’t try to explain it to us what this word meant or tried to say things like “this is Chinese thinking” or explains the meaning of that idea. You know “exotic” means bizarre or very strange or no value. I can figure out that. The interesting thing is that when he read this text and when he encountered the “Tao” again, he stopped reading the word ‘cause I can feel that he didn’t understand what Tao means. So he wanted to neglect it. Another way of thinking is that I feel he didn’t value another culture’s understanding of the “way.” (Xin).

I Want to Know, I Want to Know Sitting in U.S. classrooms as foreign students brought these women some conflicting experiences through which they negotiated multiple relations with professors and other students. The same woman student told me how she negotiated the complex relations with a white professor and a Korean student in her theory class. Her yearning of “I want to know, I want to know” was another way to challenge the dominant Western thinking and claim an expanded sense of self in the host culture: For example, I took one course about Emily Dickinson and Whitman. The teacher is a very distinguished professor in our department . . . But a Korean student in my class always refused to accept any thinking from this professor. He said, “I came here to learn poetry, but I will go back to Korea after my graduation. I don’t want to learn this Western thinking and I want to keep my tradition . . .” But I don’t agree with him . . . Actually I’m glad that this professor represents this Western thinking. That’s what I want to know. I don’t want him

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(professor) to totally agree with me otherwise we don’t have the attractiveness. So I want to learn the original Western thinking . . . I want to know, I want to know . . . I think that to learn their thought is not wrong. ( Xin)

Being Challenged by Different Ways of Thinking/Doing Some women students shared with me other aspects of the classroom experiences which challenged them with different ways of thinking and doing in the host culture. This woman student was doing her MBA in a state university and she described how she was challenged by doing the “team work” with American peers: But the most challenging one is the “team work”. We had lots of projects to do and we were asked to the team work together. Because of the Chinese character, you like to work alone and you’d rather do it by yourself. But in the management training, you should work with other people from different backgrounds to produce a project. Like doing a project, we have different opinions on it. But American students will stick to their own opinions and they won’t change it. They will find out all the reasons that explain why they do it. But for us, we just say “If we could get it down and if we can have a good result, why do you have to stick to your own opinions?” So we are more like kind of ‘dancing around the round’, know what I mean? Such as collecting all the functional pieces of good opinions to produce the best result. But they want to show their own opinions on that paper. We like the way of, in Chinese word, “Chong Yong” (means “balance”) in doing things. Yeah, “Chong Yong”, that’s the word to describe us. (Bin)

Another student gave positive comments on the teaching and curriculum of graduate program in American higher education: In China I used to follow the lectures and directions of the Chinese professors and hardly initiated new ideas in doing homework or assigned projects. I was like a “robot” that was passive and controlled by the authoritative thinkers. After majoring computer science for my graduate degree at this private university, I found that my way of thinking has been changed and challenged to think in an original and creative way . . . For example, in our team project, I was challenged to design a program that is creative in using computer languages and each group member had to come out with unique ideas different from the textbook. Our professor has been very helpful in guiding us in this creative process. I’ve learned much from him! (Ling)

Language Is Political For women students who did their graduate study in English as a second language, they felt powerless to express themselves clearly and defend them-

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selves strongly when they encountered a hostile context that insulted their dignity. This doctoral student talked about her developing ‘critical awareness’ brought by her experiences of the power of language and the biased discourse in the academia. This critical awareness helped her to be much clear about who she is and what she represents in this culture that was not aware of in her culture of the origin: Maybe from another point of view is that I didn’t express myself very clearly. Maybe I didn’t argue my points of view with people very convincingly. Maybe that’s the disadvantage of the language. So at this point, I can say that language is political. If you can express yourself very clearly, you make yourself easily understood . . . Yeah, but if you have this power of their language, you can use their language quite well and they have to listen to you. You can defend yourself. (Xin) Language carries certain kind of power to express your values and beliefs. I also believe that language is a weapon to defend your self. Sometimes I feel too weak in using English language to articulate my points of view accurately. Especially at debates with someone, you feel powerless to fully express your depth of thinking (Ping).

Another doctoral student studying education at a private university also expressed her perception on the power of language and how she lived with the power-over relationships based on the language construction in different culture: I used to be a professor teaching foreign language and literature at a top university in Beijing, China. I felt that I do have a power to define my perceptions on the topics and to present my values on British literature and writers’ discourse. I’m a professor on the stage and I’m in charge . . . I mean, I do have a much more power to decide what to study and how to perceive things from my position as an authoritative figure on the platform. Now I am a doctoral student in the educational field. We read much about Western psychology, educational philosophy and its history. The professors do have power to choose what to read and what to be discussed . . . They have power to do that . . . just like what I used to do in China. Yes, this is their culture and you are a foreign student to learn their ideology and tradition . . . But sometimes, I wish that the discourse could be more diverse, that is, it can be more open in terms of discussions on education in a global term and give students from other cultures opportunities to address their views from a different perspective. I feel that we are so silent to just absorb what’s defined in the syllabus, which made me feel powerless to contribute or get our voices heard (Pin).

Being Supported Although these women students had some negative and uncomfortable feelings caused by their experiences of cultural marginality in the classroom, at

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the same time some of them also had some positive experiences and felt themselves supported, appreciated and acknowledged by some faculty around them. This woman student was very touched by a professor’s kind help to her and some other Chinese students: The chairman in my department has been concerned about my needs and difficulties here. He has been trying to help me with my husband’s visit here. He provided the supportive letters to my husband visa applications in China . . . Another professor in my department is very kind and helpful to Chinese students. Although I didn’t work for him or have very close personal relationship with him, he still helped me a lot when I asked him for some help. For example, he provided my husband’s affidavit support for his visa applications in China . . . I asked him if this was the first time for him to help a foreign student with the document of affidavit support, he said that I was the 10th Chinese student to get his support. We all respect and love him very much. (Si)

This student shared her gratitude to an staff member working at an international office on campus: She is such a sweet, friendly and kind person that I met on campus . . . On my first Thanksgiving in this country, she invited me and other international students to her house for a very warm and nice dinner . . . We were treated like her own children and felt like at home . . . Oh, it was such a nice feeling! It’s been about four years since then and I was always invited to spend Thanksgiving with her family . . . Whenever I am in need, she is always there for me. I sometimes made jokes with her and called her “a psychic teller” because she knew what I was thinking and how I felt as an international woman student in this new land. She is just amazing and truly nice to international students. (Bing)

Being Connected to Others Some women students were connected by faculty and administrators to the social networks off campuses: The professor in my computer class has been very nice to Chinese students. I guess he knows we are foreign students and we don’t have those connections. So he often emailed us with much information about various companies who need interns or employees there. Actually he helped me find the position as an intern in a large computer company, where I am still working quite joyfully now. (Lei) The administrators who are in charge of international students at my school did a good job. I mean, they do care about our emotional and cultural needs here . . . Right after I arrived here, they connected me to a “friendship family” who has

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been so caring and supportive to my life here. they treat me like their own daughter. I just feel like being at home . . . (Lan)

Being Respected and Acknowledged Women also shared with me how they felt themselves appreciated by some open-minded faculty members who respected and acknowledged Chinese culture: Good teachers are knowledgeable and they help students a lot. The most impressive teacher is an old woman who taught ancient Greek literature and criticism. She is very responsible . . . I did a presentation in her class and I brought the Chinese thinking into the class, she respected my thinking very much. I think, in this way she is very open and respects others and others’ culture. (Bin) The director of graduate study in my department always reminds me, “While you prepare teaching World Literature, don’t forget to bring some Chinese writers into your syllabus.” So I feel very good of her advice. She never forgets that this world literature should include Chinese literature. So I think that she is good. (Xin) I never forgot this history professor. He has been to China several times since early 1980s. He could even speak Mandarin. What I like him is that he is very open-minded and full of humble spirit in his teachings. When he talked about Chinese history, he gave great appreciation of Chinese civilization. More importantly he thought so positively about Chinese people, the ordinary and hardworking people, and he told the truth of Chinese history and he is not biased. Actually he not only taught you about the history, he is teaching you how to be a open-minded and unbiased person with justice and humble spirit. That’s really the important thing that I’ve learned from him. (Ping)

These Chinese women students experienced cultural marginality, biased discourse, multiple conflicts, and different ways of thinking in US classrooms. The classroom served as a cultural and political context that perpetuated cultural pride and prejudice and affected the ways in which these international women students perceived themselves and others. Some women spoke of their hurt at being considered “exotic” others and others described their multiple conflicts with their professors and classmates. These women were drawn to intellectual discourse and practice in U.S. classroom and engaged in a process of self-authoring. Their classroom experiences suggested that an important starting point in this process was the ability to perceive oneself as an international student who represented her own culture and people in the academic discourse. Encountering higher education in the host

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culture and doing their graduate study in it was important in the development of a critical cultural consciousness of the educational practices in the host culture.

REWEAVING SELF Reweaving self involves how these women participants re-examined and reput together the previously fragmented facets of self to create a new and expanded web of self in the host culture. Having experienced the pain, loss and salience of multiple social identities resulting from their border crossing, these Chinese women students were now developing a critical consciousness and a conscious creation of an enlarged sense of self that claimed the strength and clarity of who they were in the new land. Developing Critical and Multiple Senses of Self Having experienced the challenging student life in a foreign land, women students continually shed and acquired multiple senses of their selves. They shared the experiences of being resituated as “others” who had developed the shifting awareness of their positioned race, ethnicity, class , power and gender in this host culture that were different from their culture of origin. Thus, becoming international women students in the U.S. added critical, multiple and socially constructed senses of identity elements (i.e. nationality, race, power, class and gender) to their self-understanding. Nationality ! Everywhere Could Remind Me of This The geographic and cultural mobility into the host culture led these women to live lives in which they experienced a sense of self that was different from who they were in their culture of origin: Nationality! That’s a big issue here. In China, of course I didn’t have this sensitivity. But here I always think that I am a Chinese . . . When I learned from Chinese professors, I didn’t experience such prejudices and humiliation and the conflicts as I experienced here. But here you are conscious of your ‘self’, of your identity, of where you are from . . . Here, you have this nationality, you have your identity and your country . . . Right now I think that I am more grounded in Chinese tradition. Sometimes I think that Chinese classic things are good and I want to be more Chinese. I want to let them experience the Chinese thinking from me. So you see, this circumstance pushed me back to my culture of origin and to be attracted by its thinking. (Xin)

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I used to be proud of my country before I came here. Still am I now but with a slightly different feeling. You encountered students from different parts of the world and they speak English with different accents . . . That makes you realize that you are one of them coming from a very different place . . . My appearance, lifestyle, preference and values on things are so different from the majorities. I never had such a “different” conscious in China. I mean, I was so normal and felt natural to be part of my majority fellows . . . Here I was perceived as a “nice Chinese girl”, “diligent”, and “traditional” in my values and beliefs. People gave me comment like “I cannot believe that your English is so good, different from many other Chinese students . . . or you are quite a modern girl not like the ladies I watched in the old Chinese movie”. I guess that they felt that I somewhat look or speak differently from other Chinese folks on campus . . . Well, that doesn’t give you a better feeling . . . instead it made you feel that you are always in a position to be compared to others by them . . . and it makes you feel that you are indeed different from them or for the best you are sort of more like them. (Lan)

I Still Have that “Nationalist Feeling” Another woman student described her nationalist feeling which was caused by an incident that insulted her national dignity by a white American professor. This professor often commented that Chinese food was greasy or not healthy which made this woman student feel shamed and angry because they had so many wrong impressions about China. Her sense of shame and anger indicates her strong sense of national identity: I mean I still have that “nationalist” feeling i.e. the national dignity. Like some American teachers still didn’t pay much attention to what they were talking in class. For example, we had a marketing class with a white professor, he always said,” Oh, let’s go to Chinatown for Dim-Sum, the food is so good . . .” But after a while he would say, “Oh, but Chinese food is so greasy, it’s not good for your health . . .” If it’s so greasy, why did you go there? But still they had many wrong impressions about China, it made me angry. (Bin)

Another student shared the similar feelings while she watched the sports program with her roommates. I remembered that I was so excited to jump up with a screaming voice to cheer for the Chinese girl who earned the world champion that night. I kept on saying, “Great! I’m so proud of her!” My roommates looked at me and tried to let me calm down and stopped jumping around. I just couldn’t stop doing that . . . I was just so excited and happy for that Chinese girl. She made me proud of my country and my folks in China!! I was feeling surprised for my own reactions too.

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That made me realize how much I care about my culture and folks in this world platform. (Meng)

You Feel You Are ‘Rare’ Here Women students often had a feeling as “rare” and different from most of others in the host culture: There is some different feeling. There are only a few Chinese women around. You feel that you are ‘rare’. I mean there are relatively less people like you here. Yet in China you were the same kind people as the large of group of Chinese women . . . I have a strong feeling of identifying with Chinese culture . . . I mean I rarely encounter my culture here. (Si) Also people are curious to know more about you, your culture, food, traditions, and your hobbies. That kind of curiosity made me feel like “different”, “rare” or even “unique”. I can not tell my mixed feelings when I was explored by their curiosity about yourself and your culture. I mean, I never had that kind of feelings when I was in China (Lei).

I Am an Alien Here Another woman student had this “alien” sense of herself as a foreign student in this foreign land because she was so different from others: I feel myself like an alien foreign student here. It is obvious that I am different from others. I mean I am an international student here and I am an alien . . . (Yuen) I go to this private university with majority of white students. In my philosophy class, my classmates commented on Tibet and their religion or something. I kept on hearing them say “it is such an exotic and different place . . .” I am from a majority ethnic group, like Han, in China. I was never questioned much by our folks in my home country. I felt like an alien on a spotlight with so much attention to your culture, religion and ethnicity . . . I kept on wondering why so much attention on me in this classroom . . . Is the difference appreciated or not? (Ping).

Race Is a Salient Facet of My Identity Here Women students also talked about their racial identities embedded in their lived experiences in the host culture: Race is a salient facet of my identity here. My discipline gives me a salient feeling about my racial identity. In my department I feel that Chinese students

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have become a kind of force. Their academic performances are excellent in the department, the best one in the department is a Chinese student . . . I don’t know whether they really mean it, but people in the department often praise Chinese students. For example, we had a comprehensive exam last year. Only five students passed among the total nine students who took the exam. Among the five students, three of them are Chinese students. There is another female foreign student who studies really well and could certainly pass. And there is also a white American guy who also passed. That guy told me later that he felt like he was like the last white person who played basketball in this field. Know what I mean? He means that Chinese students in science field are like those black basketball players. It means that Chinese students have natural talents like the black basketball players. It’s an analogy or a joke from him. (Si)

For another woman student her sense of racial identity was located in the lived experiences in the host culture in which she encountered the racial prejudice against her culture and herself as woman student of color: I mean, as I said before, I never suffered this racial humiliation in China. But here you encounter the racial prejudice against your tradition, against yourself. So you have this racial awareness—the awareness of your nationality, of who you are and what you represent. Also you know the limit of your culture and of tradition because they have very good and positive thinking which is different from yours. Your mind is open to all of these differences. You are more conscious of who you are here. (Xin)

I Feel Uncomfortable In their daily lives here these women students often encountered some uncomfortable feelings that they never experienced in their homeland: When I go shopping and I’ll walk and carry the grocery waiting at the bus stop, I often see some black people waiting for the bus there. At that point I feel uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable because we (me and black people) are both very poor, you know. I have this feeling . . . I have scholarship, I can afford to buy a car. I don’t know why I feel that way. Maybe the white people have this kind of thinking, that is, if people take the bus, they will think that they are too poor to buy a car. Maybe it’s a natural human feeling. If I carry the grocery and wait for the bus with white people, I would confess that I might feel a little comfortable. Because I feel that, “ok, you are the same with me now.” But if such were things in China, I wouldn’t care whether I was with whites and blacks. Because they are the foreigners, I am the host there. Even if the president in the U.S were in China, I still think that he is just a foreigner. This is my country . . . (Xin)

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Not sure from what stage of my life, I started having conscious of the skin color and comparing it to other groups of minority. I never had such a comparative feelings in China . . . That made me think why I had this conscious of what I look like and how others would perceive me based on these physical features. I figured out that “color” carries certain kind of value on your identity. People are put into categories and different groups based on their skin color. Even among the white people, some would be discriminated based on their racial origins reflected on their color . . . I have an Irish classmate, a very lovely young lady told me that people called her ‘red head’ when she was a child at Kindergarten stage . . . She is still in tears when she talked about it. That made me feel the power of skin color and it does carry certain kind of racial privileges in this culture . . . (Si).

Life is Both a Tragedy and a Comedy The same woman student continued reflecting on her life and self in the host culture. She used Chaplin’s words,” life is both a tragedy and a comedy”, to summarize the complex process of her self-understanding in the host culture: So life here is both a tragedy and a comedy as Chaplin once said it. You know Chaplin was very poor when he was a teenager and his mother became mad because of the poverty . . . And one day he saw a pig that would be killed in the slaughter house, but the pig escaped the house and ran. Then people had to chase the pig all around. When others watched this, they couldn’t help laughing. But then the pig was caught and brought back to be killed in the house. See, this is actually a tragedy but people couldn’t help laughing. So that’s why Chaplin thinks that life is both a comedy and a tragedy. I mean, at the very beginning I had the self-esteem and wanted to do something for my country and I wanted to criticize the Western country. But in the end the comedy is that I was influenced by this Western prejudice and even I looked down upon myself and the black people. If I walked with the white people in China, I felt proud. If I walked with black people, I didn’t feel good. You see, in China I even had the same problems as some white people have, which I’m fighting against here . . . If I were walking with black people right now, I wouldn’t feel humiliated anymore. I feel they are my friends. (Xin)

But Here We Are Poor These women also had salient senses of themselves as “poor” students who couldn’t afford to live a well-off life as other rich American peers in the host culture. Reflecting on their student life that they enjoyed in China, they had a salient feeling of the socioeconomic gaps in their lives embedded in their cul-

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ture of origin and the host culture. Most of the women students were from middle (or upper-middle) class families that could financially support them to live a well-off student life in their homeland. As this woman student described, she did not have to worry about her material life there. Her sense of “classed” self was embedded in her lived experiences as a “poor” foreign student in the host culture: In China we enjoyed many things. Maybe sometimes we could go to the “Disco Dancing” place. They had special ticket price for students like 10 Yuan a person. You know we could still afford it. Comparing to some students in the school environment, we were still rich, not poor. Most of us were in similar social economic situation. But here you feel the ‘gap’—the social economic gap. In China my parents could support me and I’m from a well-off family. But here I could only depend on my scholarship . . . One thing is that I have to cook. You cannot afford to go out very often. In China, during my exam period, if I had no time, I would buy some fast food or go to restaurant to eat. But here, when you have an exam in about a week, you have to cook. You have to go to supermarket to buy something. Sometimes I feel it very bad . . . One thing is for sure that China is not a developed country. Comparing to the U.S., China is poor. Comparing to the US students here, we are poor. I think that I can realize this here. (Meng) I came from a well-educated and upper-middle class family in China. I never did odd jobs like being a waitress and babysitter for my tuition or living expenses in China. But I had to do all kinds of odd jobs here . . . I lived in someone’s house, helped them cleaning, cooking and babysitting their kids . . . My only free time is after 10:00 pm at night. I have so much to deal with for a living here. The pressure was so intense . . . well, sometimes I want to give up and go back home. Life is not that easy, full of challenges here. I guess that I did not have much time to hang around with friends, do shopping, eating outside or going to the theatres. My social status changed, you have to accept the fact for better or for worse . . . But still I keep my dream of becoming a professional woman in business world . . . it will become true if you can tolerate the hardship right now. It will change! (Lan)

But Here You Never Feel Secure Some women students were successful professionals who lived secure lives in China where they had decent jobs in the academia and business world and they had nothing to worry about. Relocating themselves in a different sociocultural context brought them a different and insecure feeling of their life in the host culture: In China, I had very poor salary. But one thing is that you felt that you were secured . . . But here you never feel secure. You don’t know what is going to do

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next. That’s why I’m telling you that my life is ‘floating’ here. Because you don’t feel secure, you don’t know what’s next. You live with the moment. (Ping) When I look at the elder population here, I lost my hope and sense of security. Maybe you think that I’m thinking of things too far away . . . But the reality is that you got the job and social security in China. The government would give you retirement pension and health care when you’re old . . . The social system is different here. You don’t have that supportive system as an elder citizen and you go to the nursing home if you don’t have much money left at an older age . . . (Lei)

They Have this Sort of Super Power These women students who had lived in the host culture for a while developed a critical sense of self as oppressed by the super power of the host culture. Through her lived experiences in U.S. universities where she often encountered the biased opinions on her culture of origin, this woman student described how she felt angry and unfair to have her own culture misunderstood and misinterpreted by the powerful other. Her self-understanding was repositioned and reconstituted by her lived experiences of the unequal power relations between her culture of origin and the host culture: And sometimes some American people, not all of them, are over confident and they do think that their country is good and other countries are not very good. But you do need to think that China has such a long history and so many people are living there. Sometimes I heard about some biased opinions about Chinese birth-control policy, I don’t think that they know much about Chinese situation. See, China is a huge country with the largest number of population in the world. If every mother can have as many children as they want, how could they feed them with the limit of natural resources there? I mean, some people here don’t know China very well and they have some biased opinions on China. They don’t know much about Chinese history and culture, they just think that China should be changed in their way. But China should change in our own way. So, they have this sort of super-power in the world, they want to impinge their influence on other countries. (Lan)

Yearning for Diversity These women talked about how much they liked to be one among many different others from a diversity of cultural backgrounds, which would strengthen their ethnic senses of themselves with cultural pride. They were yearning for the diversity on campus which could bring them the equality with different others and allow them to appreciate the different cultural habits and lifestyles with one another. Their self-understanding was expanded by the diversity they experienced in U.S. universities:

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At the university I previously attended there were lot of opportunities for students . . . There is much diversity there. Diversity, yes! I mean that there were many international students at that university and their international office is wonderful. I mean, they are serving the students! (Ping) Then at my university you have different colors of classmates, they are from different ethnic groups and countries. Particularly at this state university, it is really colorful there! Like on weekends we often have international dinners like going to Chinese restaurant and Vietnamese restaurant. You start accepting more and more differences like habits and opinions. There is not much discrimination there, not much! You feel that basically we are equal to each other. (Bin)

These women developed critical and multiple senses of selves as they situated themselves in the host culture. Cultural mobility led these women into different socio-cultural contexts that demanded responses. They reconstituted their selves as raced, classed and power-positioned in the host culture. Differing constellations of race, nationality, class, and power relations in American society resulted in different ways to perceive themselves. The racial, cultural and class discriminations by the dominant culture were part of the larger societal context within which these women experienced multiple senses of selves that are composed by race, class, nationality along differing power relations. Being perceived as “rare,” “alien” and “poor” were complex expressions for their critical consciousness of their being “otherized” by the white dominant group in the host culture. To reclaim their positive perceptions of themselves as equal as others in U.S. universities, they were yearning for the diversity through which they could become one among many colorful others that would appreciate and accept the cultural habits, values and beliefs from one another. Shifting Senses of Womanhood at Home and Abroad Border crossing was a challenging and contradictory experience for these Chinese women students. The geographic, cultural and psychological repositioning themselves in a different socio-cultural context enabled them to shift their senses of their womanhood and affected their ways of perceiving themselves as women at home and abroad. For these women who grew up in different historical and socio-cultural backgrounds in China, their senses of womanhood were differently perceived through their changing self-understanding. For example, some women had a more positive sense of womanhood at home, while others had a more devalued sense of it. Some women were not even aware of womanhood both at home and abroad while others were reflective on the contradictory senses of womanhood at home and

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abroad. Their diverse senses of womanhood revealed the contradictions of being a Chinese woman at home and abroad and indicated that different sociocultural contexts reconstituted their shifted senses of womanhood across geographic, cultural and psychological borders. A Better Sense of Womanhood at Homeland Those women students who grew up in Mao’s era that supported women’s rights and valued their talents and contributions to the country had better senses of being Chinese women in the world. She belonged to a generation of college students who were very much respected and needed by the society in early 1980s: Before I came here, I was a language teacher in China. Most of my colleagues are women. So in that case, we didn’t feel we were ‘whatever’ than the males. In my generation, the sense of being a Chinese woman is quite good. I never felt badly. We didn’t have women colleges. I didn’t feel any ‘woman bias’, I wouldn’t say that. But here . . . Actually I did some feminist studies here. I came here to do the research on women’s studies i.e. women’s literature. So actually I attended a lot of women study classes at the previous university. There were many students who talked a lot about gender discriminations. I remembered that we had this final class and everybody was asked to pick up a flower for women of a state whatever . . . I said, “I pick up a flower for the Chinese women.” You know, I have a better sense of being woman in China. We have much more sense of independence. But I think that recently this kind of situation in China is getting worse. In the job-fairs, they just want males. As I said, when I graduated, there was the shortage of employees or whatever. Women were very much welcomed. (Ping)

The Devalued Sense of Womanhood Some women students who grew up in the modern era after 1980s and graduated from college in the middle of 1990s had different and devalued senses of their womanhood, as described earlier by a woman student who described how she felt discrimination as a woman student who was not needed by some institutions at a job fair. And this woman student shared how she felt after being married: I used to be a very active and well-educated professional woman before marriage. I mean, I was very intelligent and top student at college. Then I was married while I was a graduate student . . . Then things changed, I tried very hard to live a balanced life as a wife and a graduate student. But still I kept an excellent GPA and finished my thesis timely. Next came to the time when I had to find a job . . .

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I got strong recommendations and I went to different institutions for many interviews. At beginning I had much hope for the job offers, maybe at least two or three good job . . . But things didn’t go to that direction as I thought. I kept on getting letters or phone calls that denied my applications. I asked them the reason and the answer was that I was a married graduate with possibility of getting a child in the future. And they would rather hire someone with undergraduate degree without being married yet . . . .well, it was such a slap on my face . . . I mean, what was wrong of being a married lady with potential to have a kid? I could manage everything based on my capacity and I was an outstanding job candidate. But they just put me into a “woman” category without thinking my potentials and contributions that I can offer to the society . . . This happened in the early 90s but sounded like what happened in the feudal society back to 30s or something . . . Then I made my mind to go abroad for better opportunities. (Min).

I Am Not Aware of My Gender Either in China or in USA Another woman student who grew up in late Mao’s era and got a teaching position in China and the U.S. was not aware of her gender in thinking who she was: In terms of gender, I am not aware it both here and in China. In China I taught in a university and men didn’t look down upon me. And I never thought that I am a woman so I cannot do that. Here I can teach and students respect me. And my classmates think that I am a good student. I don’t think that I am female student who is inferior to the male student. I don’t have this gender sensitivity. (Xin)

Being a Good Mother and Loving Wife at Homeland vs. Being an Iindependent Professional Woman Abroad The border-crossing from their culture of origin to the host culture also put some women students in a different socio-cultural context that changed their senses of womanhood in their homeland. This woman student’s narrative represented a group of Chinese women students who had the shifted senses of womanhood at home and abroad triggered by the different experiences in the different socio-cultural context and shifted power relations between wife and husband in the host culture: Back in China, my dream was to be a loving wife and a good mother just like my mother . . . But here in America, you do not have too much time to be a good wife and a good mother ‘cause you need much energy on work . . . And I can see that Chinese women can do better than Chinese men in America . . . Usually these Chinese men had higher level back in China and here they think that they are not treated so well and they are still living in their dreams in the old days . . . We (Chinese women) are more independent than we were back in China. ‘Cause

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you know, if you depend totally on your husband, maybe you will lose a lot of opportunities here and also we know that in America, some people you see are often laid off from companies. If a couple can both work, it’s much better for the family and the family income will be steady. So I think it depends how to be independent here. And also . . . you know how to gain all these rights you deserve, you have the right. Well, maybe because American women are so independent. And we are sort of influenced by that ideology . . . To be a good mother and a good wife is not the only goal in my life and I have some other things to do at the same time.(Jun)

Dating a Chinese Guy vs. Dating an American Guy This woman student reflected on her changing attitude on dating and marriage after she lived in the American culture for a few years: I actually prefer dating an American guy now. Especially if I want to stay here, I need to get some cultural support. And in these years I see many Chinese couples, they never go out. But I want to be immersed in this culture and I like going out, like going to a nice restaurant or some clubs. If you were married to a Chinese guy, he may not like you to go out that much. I mean, they are a little “patriarchy”. They want women to do things at home. But I want to be a professional woman and I don’t want to go home and cook . . . (Ling)

Xin had a contrasting feeling about her future marriage partner. She said: I had been waiting for the right person in my life. I put this in God’s hands since I have a strong faith in HIM . . . I guess what I want to say is that it does not matter whether he is an American or Chinese . . . As long as he is the one that God choose for me and that he has values/beliefs, a strong sense of responsibility, and truly a gentleman, I’ll accept him. I’ve been so many ups and downs in my previous dating life. Now I kind of understand what kind of qualities I am looking for (Xin)

Being a Cute Bird vs. Being Yourself Another woman student described how she changed from a dependent girl like a “cute bird” in China into an independent woman whose potentials were fully developed in the host culture. Here she felt equal with her American boyfriend and they could appreciate the cultural difference and uniqueness from each other. Her transformed sense of womanhood was located in her subjective experiences of being dependent on others in her culture of origin and “be your self” in the host culture:

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I mean, here it’s much easier for girls to kind of show your own character. I mean in China, you had to be tender and soft, like “Xiao Niao Yi Zen” meaning you have to be cute and tender like a little bird and depend on your husband. But here there is more chance for you to be yourself. I mean here your potentials and character can be more fully developed. Basically there is not too much restrictions . . . In my case with my boyfriend, maybe because we are from different cultures and we can appreciate each other more. The way he does thing, I appreciated it. The way I do it, he thinks it quite unique too. Plus he is a very caring person, you know. (Bin)

Lei shared her life experiences after being married to a well-educated professor of a top university in China: I had many beautiful dreams before the marriage. I was intelligent and ambitious to become an outstanding woman scientist someday . . . Then I got married to my husband, a well-educated and knowledgeable professor at an elite university. I thought that we would both pursue our dreams and to be successful in both our careers and family life . . . Well, things did not go that way . . . My husband was a modern guy with old ideas/values . . . He wanted me to be a stayat-home mother and took care of him and our child. He wanted me to be a type of wife who was tender, soft and feminine in character . . . not a type of woman with strong will and ambition after being married . . . I was struggling to live a balanced life without giving up my dreams . . . I don’t want to be dependent on anybody (Lei)

The Confidence of Being a Chinese Woman For those women students who were professionally successful both in their culture of origin and the host culture, they had a very positive and similar sense of womanhood at home and abroad. This woman student who was a successful business woman both in China and the U.S. had a very confident sense of her womanhood in both cultures. To her, Chinese women were both caring and independent, which made her feel very proud of being one of them in the host culture. Her confidence in being a Chinese woman was embedded in her successful professional experiences at home and abroad: As a Chinese woman, I want to say that you should have a confidence on yourself. Chinese women always work hard not just in their career, but also in their family. We do care about our families, husband and kids. So we should have a confidence on ourselves. (Lan)

These women students’ multiple senses of womanhood at homeland and abroad were embedded in the specific social and historical contexts in which they grew up. For Pin, who grew up in Mao’s era when women were considered

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to be able to “hold the half sky” (implying the ideology of Chinese women’s high social status at that time) and graduated in early 1980s when the women college graduates were ‘rare’ and ‘needed’, her sense of being a Chinese woman in her homeland was very positive. For Si, who graduated in the 1990s where the job market was more favorable for male college graduates, her sense of womanhood was somehow devalued. Xin, who had been teaching in a university and felt herself as ‘efficient’ and ‘equal’ with male colleagues wasn’t aware of her own ‘gender’ either at home or abroad (although the male privilege was invisible both in China and U.S.). Jun, Ling and Bin, who were raised as a “traditional woman” at home but had come out to see and experience the host culture where professional women were trying to be “on their own,” had developed some critical consciousness of their womanhood at home and abroad. They had repositioned their senses of womanhood in a contrasting and different way. Lan had been a relatively successful business woman both in China and U.S. and she had the positive feelings of being a both traditional and professional Chinese woman at home and abroad. I’m Doing It for My Daughter Some women students were mothers who were doing their graduate studies while they raised their kids in the host culture or left their kids with their parents in their homeland. The “mothering” for this group of women was very painful because they had to either sacrifice themselves for the good of their kids or sacrifice their kids for their own study here: If I want to teach, I think it better to teach back in China. But my daughter is studying here . . . Like my professor talked about it in class that because of the kids’ education, Chinese parents sacrificed a lot for their kids’education and they had to stay here. At that time I felt “Oh, no way!” At that time I thought that if their parents want to go, they go. But now, my daughter has been here for four years. If I take her back to China, it will be a disaster for her. She will never want to do that. She has been doing so well here. If she goes back, she can’t follow those classes there. She even couldn’t go to the college as well. That’s what I think that Chinese parents couldn’t go back. At that time, I couldn’t believe it. But if you have your own experience, you understand it. So I’m doing it for her. (Ping) To tell you the truth, I have been struggling with decisions in the future for myself, my husband and my son. I know that my son likes school here and he just enjoyed his friends, traveling and all kinds of activities after school. He is a much happier kid since he came here at the age of 7 years old. He enjoyed his childhood, which was not much time to be enjoyed in China . . . My husband is a graduate student studying math and computer sciences. He is flexible in terms of staying or leaving here. I mean he could find a job easily both here and in China.

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I am a person who is tortured in between . . . On the one hand, I want my son to enjoy his time and school in the State and on the other hand, I have my parents to take care of in China. They need my help and they miss their grandson (my son is their only grand child) . . . Anyway it’s a sacrifice for my parents and myself if I choose to stay here. (Lei)

I Feel Pretty Sad and Guilty Other mother students, who were too busy to take care of their own kids in the host culture, had a guilty sense of mothering. This woman described how sad and guilty she felt not to be able to take care of her daughter who was sent back to China when she was only six months old. Reflecting on the loss of mothering to her daughter, she was determined to make it up by taking her daughter back and staying with her for the rest of her life: See, we are both busy and just don’t have time to take care of our daughter. So, my daughter was taken back and she is now living with my parents. And my mother has retired and she is taking a very good care of my daughter. She is a cute 2 years old girl now. There is a lot of change on her! I call her every weekend but the sad thing is that she doesn’t know much who I am. I mean, she was too small when she left me. I mean, she doesn’t remember me now. And she doesn’t call me ‘Mom’ on the phone and she just called my name “Min Liu”, just my name. And well, I feel pretty sad and guilty about this. You know, I didn’t give her much love that I should have given in her first two years. That’s a big regret . . . and that I don’t think I can ever make it up again. So I owe her a lot . . . a lot. And I am thinking . . . actually I plan to take my daughter back next spring. By then my husband will graduate with his Ph.D. degree and three of us will spend the rest of our life together. Yes, we will be together soon. That’s for sure! As a mother, I can not just do things for myself anymore and I have to take that responsibility no matter how hard it is! I mean, I’m determined to do so! Otherwise, I will regret it for the rest of my life . . . (Min)

It Hurts Me More Than It Hurts My Kid The mother students who left their children in China felt “guilty” because their kids could not get their love and care at home. At the same time, mothers also felt unfair to themselves because it hurt them more than it hurt their kids. This mother described her painful and complicated feelings that she had experienced in the host culture: Well, that’s really very hard. Sometimes I even feel guilty ‘cause I think it unfair to my kid. You see, my daughter loves me. I miss her and she also misses me. Yeah, sometimes I really feel sorry for her. It hurts me more than it hurts my

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kid. Because, at least, my parents are very good to her! She is the only baby at home. So they take a very good care of her . . . Also I know that she can get the best thing in China. If I brought her here, not to say that I can not go to school or work, also I do not have enough money to support the family. Also I can not give her all those things she wants . . . You see, I as a poor student, live in this very small apartment with my husband. I can not afford to move to a bigger one . . . But here, you see, I have to send her to a preschool and kindergarten. And she will know, this kid’s father is a doctor, and that kid’s family has a swimming pool in the yard. I can not afford that. I think that will hurt my kid ‘cause she can not understand this and she probably thinks, “How come that you can not afford for it? How come? Some kids’ parents can do that . . .” She will feel hurt. So comparing to bring her here or leaving her in China, I chose to have left her there. Although I feel guilty and painful, but to her, that is much better (Jun)

Women students experienced multiple shifts in their senses of womanhood in their self-understanding as they moved from their culture of origin to the host culture. Their subjectivities as Chinese women were multiply positioned as Chinese, poor, female students of color in this foreign land. Their changed senses of womanhood were experienced through the complicated relationships between culture, social class, race, gender and power at certain social and historical moments of their lives. Women students’ multiple shifted senses of womanhood at home and abroad indicate that gender is a social construct intersected with culture, race, class and power that constitute one’s identity at certain historical moments. In contrast to the conception of gender as a biological factor that de-contextualized women’s self-understanding as “caring and relational,” these women’s stories of their shifted senses of woman-hood at home and abroad indicated the complexity of the interlocking dimensions of class, power, gender, socio-cultural and historical factors in women’s self-understanding. Taking Strategies/Actions on Survival Passages: Re-Appreciating Homeland From Afar Being in the host culture where these women’s own culture and race were marginalized and discriminated, these women had painful psychological experiences of changes in their self-understanding. In order to survive, they developed the following strategies/actions of re-appreciating homeland from the distance: cultural nostalgia, keeping the past in the present, reconstructing individual and social relations, and reassuring self-value. Cultural Nostalgia Women students talked about their comparative thinking of Chinese and Western culture after staying in the host culture for a while. Having encoun-

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tered a culture that was different from their own and experienced multiple shifts in their senses of selves caused by cultural marginality, discrimination and isolation in the American socio-cultural context, they developed some ‘new’ visions of their culture of origin which they had not appreciated in the same way when they were in China. In order to survive psychologically, they rethought and evaluated the elements of Chinese traditional culture in an “esthetic” way and identified with it in a nostalgic feeling. Loving It in an Esthetic Way This woman student who did her doctoral study in the field of American literature always compared Western thinking with traditional Chinese thinking. Her nostalgia for it represented her fantasized feeling about her culture of origin: I don’t know, I just feel that traditional or ancient Chinese philosophy and thinking is much peaceful, much more peaceful than the Western thinking. The Western thinking is metaphysical, very metaphysical. That means that they believe the ideal idea. They believe the ideal, that’s Plato’s, right? That’s Plato’s idea . . . And Chinese thinking is very close to the reality. This makes me love Chinese tradition very much maybe in an esthetic way. But practically it’s very peaceful (Xin).

Ping also shared her nostalgic feelings toward Chinese culture, history, music, art, food and even streets with crowded people in her hometown: Encountering a very different Western culture gave you this contrasting feeling. It is like an enlightening moment for you to kind of realize the beauty of your own culture, rich history, lyric music, brush painting/calligraphy, and variety kinds of food, even the people walking on those crowded streets . . . I miss all of those parts of our culture . . . What is interesting to me is that I did not realize how much I appreciated those parts of the culture until I encountered American culture here . . . (Ping)

Thinking Higher of It Some women students shared with me their intense feelings about Chinese culture because they “rarely” encountered it in the host culture. This woman student expressed her “strong” feeling of identifying with Chinese culture which had nurtured her thought and soul with its beautiful and rich language in poems and literature. She was psychologically empowered by “thinking higher of it” and she felt herself reconnected with the root of her culture of origin: I have a strong feeling of identifying with Chinese culture. First of all, I think that Chinese culture has a higher realm than American culture . . . Especially

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after living in the U.S., I somehow admired more about Chinese culture, somehow have a higher evaluation of it. I’m not sure whether this is because I am very homesick or I miss home country very much. Partly because of the richness of our language, another is because of my own appreciation of Chinese tradition. Actually in China I felt the richness of Chinese culture and thought that I could never master all its knowledge and wisdom in all my life. Now maybe I miss it very much, and I think even higher of it. It’s like that you always think of all the goodness of a person and forget about all his shortcomings if you haven’t seen this person for a long time. I mean I rarely encounter my culture here. I sometimes recite some poems of Tang Dynasty but often forget some of words in the middle, which really made me very sad . . . Oh, I happened to read a classic Chinese history book “Zi Zhi Tong Jian” before I came to the U.S., that book made me sick of that period of history run by those greedy and powerful officials. At that time, I was very critical of Chinese tradition, I shared my angry feelings with a few classmates. But now I almost forget that kind of critical feelings . . . When I was in China, I also thought about the glorious period of Chinese history such as the blossom of the various schools of thought in pre-Qin dynasty. Those schools of thought were so diverse, colorful, and full of wisdom. But unfortunately it was systematized into a homogenous model later on . . . This is just my personal point of view (Si).

Nostalgia for Student Life Some women students shared with me their nostalgic feeling of the student life in China where they had a lot of things to enjoy. This woman student described how she materially lived in a better condition in the host culture, but psychologically she was isolated from her American peers, which made her being nostalgic for her student life in China: I think that the living standard here is not as high as that in China for me. I mean . . . of course the living condition here is better than our dorm in China. But I have a lot of things to enjoy in China. Such as we can go out or ride bicycles to some place with many friends together. We are very relaxed. Sometimes we went to a park and rented a boat and just stayed there all day. In spring we went to fly kites, I like that very much. Sometimes in our universities, we play the ball games. Sometimes the boys were playing and we were there watching. You know, there are many things that you can do . . . You know I actually prefer the life in China very much. (Meng)

Another woman shared the similar nostalgia for her life in China. She told me that she was a successful business woman who had money to enjoy a “luxurious” life in China: My life in China was exciting even though it is a ‘backward’ place. And we had “Kala-OK” club where we often went singing and dancing. There are

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many restaurants there and we often went out to eat with friends. Here I worked as a waitress at a Chinese restaurant from dinner time to midnight . . . I served others and saved what I earned to pay for my tuition and living expenses. Life was changed for better or worse . . . This is my life and I don’t feel any regret on it! (Bin)

Nostalgia for Social Status Some women were successful professionals who had higher social status in China. The cultural mobility led them into this foreign land as a group of poor and isolated international women students who lost their senses of power and control (brought by their higher social status) they used to enjoy in their culture of origin. Thus they missed the higher social status they ever had in their homeland. This student came to the U.S. “by accident” (i.e. the failure of her relationship with her boyfriend) and she still held a good feeling of her previous life that gave her sense of agency and power in her self understanding: I mean, at beginning my boss and I, only two of us started that company. So now they have like 40 or 50 employees there. But at beginning there were only two of us. I felt myself so important because I knew English and we opened this whole market of this company. Today the company has 10 million dollars! I enjoyed my life there. I went on the business trips abroad a lot because it was an import and export corporation. I went to many countries and it was quite exciting! Actually I was promoted to be a manager after two years of work in that company. All your performance of that role was closely related to the senior director above you. I mean I had a great potential of a good career future. I mean at that time my life there was so ‘rosy’ and everything was so good and I didn’t want to come out. Actually I came out “by accident” . . . my relationship with my former boyfriend was broken, which made me sad and I um, I just wanted to go to a place that I could forget about him . . . I mean nobody wanted to go to a brand new place to start everything over . . . (Bin) I was a professor with decent pay and respect from society. I felt good about myself, I mean, a truly confident and academic woman in China. I mean, people looked at our family with admiration . . . no wonder that my daughter often showed off at her school and told her classmates that her mother was a professor who had many students come over to our house for lunch or dinner over the weekend . . . That was a very nice feeling of being respected and felt proud of by your daughter . . . Here I am as a graduate student who worked hard to support myself and my daughter. I often told my daughter that this would soon be over after mom’s graduation with a doctoral degree . . . I promised to be a professor in America and earned money to support her through the best education as she got in China . . . Oh well, I know that’s a long way to go . . . but I can not afford to lose my dream for my daughter. (Ping)

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Nostalgia for Academic Achievement For those women students who were college teachers in China, they missed their academic life that gave them a sense of accomplishment there. This woman taught in a very prestigious university in China and she had an accomplished intellectual life with many publications. She felt disappointed with her current stressful student life and she had published nothing since she came here, which left her with a sense of failure academically and pushed her to dream of those glorious days of her academic achievement in her homeland: Before I came here, I published a lot already. But after I came here I published nothing . . . too much course work, you know. You are just busy with your course work . . . You just felt pushed to do something. Life is very competitive here . . . Being in the best university in China, sometimes I did feel that, you know, you had the best kind of academic background. When people look at you, you felt that, indeed, you came from the best university and you did have a kind of sense . . . when I compare my life here and there. Yes, I do have a better sense of my life in homeland. (Ping).

Nostalgia For the Motherland Some women students who had not loved their motherland “that much” when they were in China had developed a strong “feeling” about it after the border crossing. The fact that their nostalgia for their motherland was getting intense only after coming to the U.S. also indicated their self-understanding was reconstituted by the shifted power relations between their culture of origin and the host culture (i.e. China was regarded as inferior to many Western countries through the power of the media in the host culture): Today’s China is developing very well and it has better changes than before. I can feel it this way. When I first got here, I had a very strong feeling about China. I think almost every overseas student feels the same way. If China is getting better, we are so happy. It doesn’t matter what you experienced before, such as the experiences of the Cultural Revolution etc.. still you have this attachment and feelings toward China. Every time when I read newspaper or heard someone say the bad words about China, I would probably fight back! If China is getting much prosperous and stronger, it is very good for all of us. So I have a very strong feeling about China after coming to the United States. Yes, I do! (Lan) I mean, I used to be so critical to Chinese culture while I was there and I still have that critique on certain issues in current Chinese society . . . but I also developed this sense of fairness or justified position in my views on it now. I know that I am not a perfect person, so is our culture . . . you can not expect it to be perfect. When

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I reflected on the social progress and the good values of Chinese culture or tradition compared to many other parts of the world, I suddenly realized how privileged to have lived in our unique Chinese culture with long history of civilization, with this hardworking and diligent group of people there, our values and belief systems are so amazing in its emphasis on ethics and caring relationship with others, like Confucianism and Taoism, etc. Many westerners began to go to China and sought for the truth of human existence in Chinese culture . . . It’s amazing to me why I so much appreciated my own culture now . . . (Meng)

Facing the harsh reality that they were marginalized and discriminated against in the host culture, these women students developed the strategy of “cultural nostalgia” in their survival passage. Cultural nostalgia for the traditional way of thinking, social status, material life, academic achievement they used to have in their motherland brought these women a sense of pride and strength in thinking of who they really were and what they wanted to be in the host culture. These women constructed a connection between cultural upbringing and themselves as international students in a foreign land. The socio-cultural marginalizations and discriminations they experienced in the host culture helped these women re-identify many positive aspects of their own culture and re-appreciate their culture from distance. This cultural nostalgia indicated a survival process of self-creation that resisted denial of their cultural identity and consciousness in a foreign land. Keeping the Past in the Present Another survival strategy in this new land was to keep those traditional ways of being and doing in the present. Their senses of who they were in China still made a great sense toward who they were in this new land where their own culture was marginalized and made invisible by the dominant white society. Keeping the traditional cultural style at home and reconnecting themselves with the past generated a sense of continuity of their cultural identity that made them psychologically resilient in the host culture. Keeping a cultural style at home. Some mother students who had to raise their kids here faced a “cultural dilemma” in terms of their parenting styles at home. Most of their kids were Americanized after spending a few years in the host culture, which made these mother students worry about the loss of Chinese roots at home. To these mother students, the strategy for their cultural survival in this new land was to influence their children through keeping a Chinese style at home: Like my daughter, she is quite Americanized. She is basically an American now. But I am telling her, “You are a Chinese.” She still makes friends with Chinese

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kids and she has a group to go. Sometimes she said to me that her American classmates do this and do that. But the way she experienced at home is Chinese style. The influence is not something you talk about. It’s there! Subconsciously, she will understand it . . . You know Chinese history is so long and you have family values. Like what I said you don’t have to talk, you just behave like that in your family. (Ping) I insisted that my son, David, should go to Chinese school on Sundays and to learn how to speak Mandarin, read and write those Chinese characters. He doesn’t enjoy doing it and complained about writing those characters . . . Well, I understand that . . . but still I want him to speak Mandarin at home. He often stared at me and asked why? I told him, “Because you are a Chinese-American boy. You got to know the Chinese culture where your parents came from . . . Maybe someday you will go to China or even work there! “It’s hard for a 7 years old child to understand this . . . but you have to be persistent on this. This becomes sort of a family rule. (Lei)

It’s Not Necessary for You to Change Yourself Xin had a strong identification with Chinese tradition. Her continued cultural appreciation of traditional Chinese poetry indicated that her self-understanding was deeply connected with Chinese culture: Because I think that our tradition is very good. Chinese poetry is beautiful and they cannot reach this level and they cannot appreciate its beauty as I can. Although American poets try to learn Chinese poetry, they cannot assimilate themselves to it. That’s not accusable or that is not wrong. You can not change yourself. And it’s not necessary for you to change yourself. (Xin)

You just cannot throw your past away. These woman students who had spent more than twenty years of their life in China had a strong sense of who they were and where they came from in their current self-understanding. “Keeping the past in the present” was meaningful for her to survive culturally in this new land: You know, I spent my past 23 years in China and I just stayed here for one more year. I spent most of my time in China, you know. I grew up in a traditional Chinese family. And I think that childhood life is very important and include the undergraduate life. I think most of time I have to fit that model and I couldn’t change myself any more. Just like I have mentioned all things and differences between these two countries, between life here and that in China, between what you like and what you are accustomed to. Many good things, you just cannot throw the past away to start again from the beginning. (Meng)

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I feel like my connection to the past with the moment of living in this different culture. China was forever in my presence, that’s where I came from and who I was in the past 24 years. It’s hard, at least, for me to be totally adjusted to a different culture . . . I always carried who I was before and that part would never disappear . . . I often called my parents and they were sort of relieved that their daughter did not forget her past and her folks in China. I mean, how can I? I was raised and nurtured by my own culture and people there . . . they were part of who I am . . . I just carry them forever in my mind, soul and body. (Lan)

I Don’t Want this Transition Some women students who were successful professionals in China and came here to study in their late thirties had a strong sense of self deeply connected to their culture of origin because it was hard for them to transform themselves in a new land. This woman expressed her strong identifications with her culture of origin by refusing to be transformed into an American because the long history of Chinese civilization left her a strong sense of pride in her current self understanding: You can never be an American even though you are married to an American. You will never be. Even though some people want very much like Americans, I can predict that they can never be. I don’t want to be transformed into an American. I don’t want this transition. There is no problem of being a Chinese . . . China has a long history and it’s hard for people to change unless the students came here as teenagers, they can change. (Pin)

Xin expressed her sentiment and feelings toward her culture of origin: Anything can change but your heart belonging to your motherland, your ancestors and the root of your culture. Although I feel like floating and changing on a daily basis, I still have the sense of attachment anchored in the love of my parents and friends back there . . . Maybe I’ve changed much too, I mean, the changes compared to who I was before . . . But still my heart told me that I am still a good Chinese girl and a daughter with deep connection to those ties at homeland. (Xin)

Women students talked about their intentional efforts to “keep the past in the present” for their socio-cultural and psychological survival in the host culture. They did so by keeping a cultural style at home, refusing to throw the past away and resisting to transform themselves into Americans in this new land. They talked about the importance of keeping the continuity of their Chinese identities in this host culture. This sense of belonging reflected

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their senses of self as deeply connected to the root of their culture, which would in turn strengthen their senses of pride in their current self understanding in the host culture. Reconstructing Individual and Social Relations Having experienced social isolation in the host culture, these women students were trying to re-construct the social connections with other Chinese students in their own community and reconcile the personal relations with others. Reconstructing individual and social relations was a strategy they used for their psychological survival in this new land where they felt discriminated against and isolated by the dominant group. Connecting with other Chinese students. Border crossing brought these women to live lives that were disconnected from the dominant groups of white classmates in universities. They felt themselves isolated as outsiders of the host culture. In order to survive psychologically, they found ways to reconstruct relationships with other Chinese students who could support one another. This woman student described her feeling as close and dependent on other Chinese students when she needed their help: I often get support from our Chinese folks, actually I am almost dependent on them. I don’t know whether it is because I always have Chinese students in my mind. I have very close relationships with Chinese students. We have intensive interactions and communications to one another. I feel it enough to have them as my friends . . . If I really need some help or need someone to do something for me, I always go to our folks. For example, I tried to buy a car in the past few weeks, I called a few Chinese students, they came over to help me to see the car etc. You know, buying a car is a time-consuming thing. But they helped you so willingly. It’s easy to ask for their help. Sometimes if I go shopping in a distant place, they would give me a ride. Some other things like filling a tax-form, I didn’t know how to do it. They helped and taught me to do it. Mostly, those kinds of things they helped a lot (Si).

Reconciling Personal Relationship There were academic conflicts occurred in US classrooms that sometimes were destructive in the relationship between faculty and students. This woman student experienced a painful personal relationship with a white professor and his TA. She felt very uncomfortable and isolated in the class. As time went, she found the common ground she shared with the TA academically, that is, they both challenged the “center” of the Western thinking that was presented by the white professor in the class. There is a sense of politi-

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cal connection conveyed in her intentional effort to reconcile her personal relationship with TA: There was always this tension between me and this TA in the classroom. But later on I figured out that the professor that she worked with represented the Western thinking and the TA was challenging the professor. So they belonged to two different theoretical camps. Then I understood it. Afterwards I wanted to reconcile myself with the TA. Because I think that she tried to challenge this center and maybe at the very beginning we both misunderstood each other . . . But later on I realized this: ok, this is her thinking. I listened to her lectures attentively. Maybe she could feel that. (Xin)

Reconstruct Cross-Cultural Friendships Some women students tried hard to enlarge their circles of relationships with American peers in the host culture. This woman student developed a consciousness of making some American friends because she realized that most of them are very nice people. She also thought it helpful to learn English from these native speakers because she was so worried with the very little progress she had made in her English. Making friends with an American colleague who was very nice and patient to help with her English left her a “very good feeling” of this cross-cultural friendship that could connect her self to someone who is different: For American friends, I really believe that most of them are very nice people. And also I think it very helpful to make some American friends and speak English with them. It really helped a lot. You know, I was really frustrated about my English in the first nine months, I thought I didn’t make any progress of it. I even thought of going back to China . . . Afterwards I have been working in this lab. And there is an American girl who has worked in the lab for a few years. And we both were at the same age. So we worked together, eat lunch together and we are together every day. So we became friends and we talked a lot. And after that my English is much better. She is a nice girl and she is patient with me . . . That’s a really good feeling ‘cause you are connected to someone who is different from yourself now. (Yuen)

Reconstructing individual and social relations with Chinese students and American peers was an important dimension of maintaining and enlarging the cultural identities that were connected to webs of belongings (i.e. the circles of Chinese friends) and to cross-cultural relationships with different others. These Chinese folks reminded these women students of their own experience of sociocultural isolation in the host culture. Continuing to construct relationships with Chinese students was a way of continuing to negotiate the cultural consciousness

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as Chinese women students in this foreign land. At the same time, reconciling personal relationships and reconstructing cross-cultural friendships with American peers was another way to enlarge their connected senses of self beyond their culture of origin. It kept them in touch with the host culture and facilitated their abilities to relate to those nice American peers in their student lives here. Reassuring Self-Value Having experienced the devalued senses of self due to their marginalized race, nationality, culture and social economic status in the host culture, these women are trying to survive psychologically by reassuring their own capacities and positive qualities of themselves to do things. I Can Handle It and Do It Well After studying in U.S. universities for a while, many women developed a confidence of their academic capacities to handle their study well here. This woman described her enjoyment of her study and life in a U.S. university. And her hard work brought her a sense of pride as a person who could deal with the stressful student life in this new land: I know that I can handle my study well and I can finish my school here. Basically I should say I enjoyed my study here although my English wasn’t very good at beginning. I overcame that difficulty in one semester and I could do it well now. I lived in my friendship family that pushed me to speak English only and practice it everyday. So in my classes, my professors and classmates treated me well maybe because of my personality. I am nice to everyone plus I do work very hard. I worked on campus and at the same time took six courses in one semester. That’s a lot! But I spent most of my time studying and I passed that. So it’s not very bad time. I really enjoyed it.

I Can Talk a Lot of Things They Don’t Know Another woman was getting more confident of her knowledge of the Western culture that she had learned in China. By addressing her sense of pride, she indicated her psychological strength from the power of knowledge: You know my whole education in China was American and British literature. So I am not surprised. You know I studied American and British literature long time ago, even now I can talk a lot about it . . . I can talk a lot of things that they don’t know. They were so surprised by the jokes I made and the stories I know about American culture and literature (Ping)

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I Feel Myself Persistent and Diligent in Doing Things Coming from a culture that values people’s diligent efforts in doing things, these women recognized this cultural strength that helped them to “make it” in the host culture: I feel myself persistent and diligent in doing things. Maybe that’s the strength of our Chinese people. And so to me, I feel it’s good to be a kind of person who is very sure of herself/himself yet not aggressive or arrogant. Actually I think it very important in this culture, you don’t have to be that doubtful of yourself . . . I’ve learned many ‘survival skills’ in America. Like what I mentioned above, I have learned how to be assertive and positive about myself. (Min)

Women students talked about feeling proud of their capacities and positive qualities to deal with the challenging student life in this new land. They struggled to survive in the host culture by reassuring the self-values such as being confident to handle everything, being diligent and persistent to do things, being proud of your own knowledge learned from the culture of origin, and being certain and positive about yourself. Their sense of needing these self-values to “survive” within the host culture also highlights the stress that these Chinese international women students faced in the host culture. Their capacities to survive in the host culture indicate the psychological strength these women regained through reassuring themselves of their value. Expanding the Web of Self Through reflecting on their life experiences embedded in Chinese and American socio-cultural contexts, these women students developed some critical awareness about the host culture and reassessed their present ways of being and doing. They now had expanded senses of themselves that include the following ‘waking up’ feelings: they had more psychological freedom to do things, a new vision to look at the world, a mature sense of who they really were, the knowledge of what their capacity/limit was, and the consciousness of their own right to fight for things they deserve. I Feel Psychologically Free Here Growing up in a collectivist cultural context where one’s sense of self was connected to the webs of social relationships, these women students experienced the psychological pressure from those specific others (i.e. parents, teachers and peers) who had higher expectations of their academic achievement throughout their school years. After the geographic and cultural border-crossing into the

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host culture, they learned to “be yourself” in a new way, that is, their self-understanding was based on their own psychological feelings and senses of who they wanted to be in the society. This woman student was one among those women whose sense of self was expanded by such a psychological freedom of knowing the new ways of being and doing in the host culture: I feel much psychologically free here. I feel that everyone has his/her own way to go here. I don’t know whether this is because of my getting mature or because of the geographic difference . . . I feel happy with my life now. Actually whenever I don’t have higher expectations for myself, I feel happy. If you have higher standards for yourself, you have much psychological pressure and you might not do it well. I mean as long as I can do things within my capacity, I am happy . . . People always had higher expectations of me since high school. I was always expected to be the top student in class. But at college I learned what I could or couldn’t do . . . I think that my academic performance is relatively higher in this U.S. university than that at the university in China . . . I know my strength and limit now. I mean only I know who I am now. So I wouldn’t feel bad about myself anymore. Neither do I judge others that way. I mean everyone has his or her own strength. (Meng)

Everything Is Changed by Your New Vision The cultural mobility brought these women a new vision to look at the world. This woman student told me how she gained a different perspective to look at things in her life. Now everything was changed by her new vision which in turn had expanded the dimension of her life in this shifted socio-cultural context of the new land: I mean, your previous life might have been of only two dimensions, but now it is of three dimensions. I mean that your view on things before might have been based on the fixed standards in China, but now you have a different perspective to look at things. Everything is changed by your new vision. Maybe what you valued before is meaningless and worthless now. For example, politically I highly praised socialism before I came here, maybe that’s because of the education in China. But now I could reevaluate it from a different perspective. It doesn’t mean that I am against it but just I wouldn’t judge it as a right thing before I think about it. Or I used to find evidences or reasons to justify it, but now I always try to find whether it is right or wrong before giving it any justification . . . (Si)

I Have More Chances to Develop Myself Some women students talked about the more opportunities that had helped developing themselves in the host culture. This student described her feeling as confident and smart enough to do things because she had more opportuni-

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ties here (than she had in China) to deal with the challenging life by herself and find out her potentials and talents to overcome those difficulties: Here I feel like you have more opportunities and you have more chances to build up your own confidence because you feel like, “Ok, I have this capacity and I am smart enough.” I mean, after spending so many years here, I feel that I have much more freedom to do whatever I want . . . . I have more freedom about everything: speech, moving, traveling and doing this and that. Anyway you have more freedom for yourself . . . Here I am more motivated to do things. Maybe one of the characters of capitalist society is that each individual tries his best to grab the opportunity and develop his career, but the same time this individual motivation will help to develop the whole society. (Bin)

A Mature Sense of Who I Really Am Another woman student described a mature sense of who she really was after six years of studying and struggling in this foreign land. Here she began to know what she really wanted to do and dreamed to become. The different socio-cultural context of the host culture made her realize that she could be rewarded by putting hard effort into doing things. She could be free to make a decision to do things and be responsible for them by herself, which she never had in her culture of origin because she was always “controlled and taken care of by others.” This mature of sense of self left a positive feeling of herself as a very responsible and a capable person in the host culture: Here I am! I’ve been studying and struggling on this foreign land for six years already! And the big change of my self is this matured sense of who I really am now. I don’t know whether this is because of my age or what . . . I mean, now I know what I really want, dream, and try to become . . . I know what I can do and cannot do. Anyway, now I know what my real capacity is, and of course, what my limit is! And you are not controlled or taken care of by others any more. You make your own decision . . . I mean, whether it’s a right choice or not, you are responsible for your own decisions. (Min)

I’m More Open-Minded Experiencing a different culture where people’s values, beliefs, life styles and behaviors are different from those in their culture of origin made these women students more open-minded toward the differences and diversity in the host culture: I changed a lot! I used to stereotype people and make quick judgment in China. But now I am more open-minded to accept new ideas, new things, different values and

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behaviors. I mean, difference is good. I guess I am open to the diversity of things and people in the world. (Ling)

You Design It by Yourself The shifted socio-cultural context put these women in an environment where they had to rely on themselves to struggle and survive in this new land. As this woman described, she did not have people whom she could ask for help or consult here. She had to rely on herself to survive the difficulties of her life: That must be something to do with this context. This foreign culture is quite different from our homeland. I must rely on myself to study, survive, struggle and suffer whatever difficulties I met here. Like, I made every choice and decision of my study, living and work by myself. I mean, who knows you here? You don’t have people whom you can depend on. You are here by yourself. You have to figure out your own pathway of life. You design it by yourself! (Meng)

I Have this ‘Waking Up’ Feeling These women students talked about their “wake up” feelings that they never experienced in China. In their country of origin they were like “sleeping in a dream” and felt muddled about whom they really were and what they could/could not do. But the geographic and cultural border-crossing led them into a new land where they felt their ways of being and doing were fully developed: here they could do many things that they never imagined before. The life pressure pushed them to dig out many of their potentials to do things and made them become more capable persons to survive in this new land. This “wake up” feeling brought them a different and much clearer self understanding that would help them to adjust to the host culture: Actually I feel myself different from who I was before: I feel myself grown up, mentally, I mean, I have my own way of thinking or independent thinking. I felt that I was like sleeping in a dream . . . that “dream” feelings, but now and here I have this ‘wake up’ feeling . . . and from time to time I often find out some of my new potentials to do things that I might not have thought it possible to do before in China. In a word, I feel my own way of being is much fully developed here. (Min)

I Realize My Right to Fight for It Growing up in a culture where one’s personal right and interest have to be connected to a web of others’ interests, these women students were not used to fighting for or arguing about the personal rights and benefits they deserved. But having spent some time to live in this western culture that valued individuals’ right

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and freedom, they had learned that they could argue and ask for the right they deserved. This woman student learned from her experiences of arguing with the telephone companies (for the benefit she should have had) that she could get back what she deserved to have. “I have my right to fight for it” indicates a psychological power embedded in her controlled sense of self in the host culture: I also fought quite a lot with different telephone companies. I jumped from this one to that one. I found myself overcharged and cheated by them . . . Finally I called them and argued with them. Yeah, I really learned a lot from that argument with long distance companies. That’s the first lesson I learned in the U.S. That is, you CAN ARGUE and you can ask for the benefit you deserve. If you don’t, nobody would do favor to you. You have to ask for it by yourself . . . But I didn’t think that I could ever do this in China. I should say that I was a shy person in China. I couldn’t quite dare to argue with someone . . . Especially in China the companies are government owned and they don’t compete among themselves. But here they compete with each other and as a customer, I am their God. I paid for that. So I realize my right to fight for those benefits. (Yuen)

Getting Psychological Strength from God Some women talked about their experiences of the tough situations in the U.S and how they faced it with the spiritual power from God. They reflected on the religious beliefs between two cultures and found the power of Christianity that led them to grow spiritually. This woman talked about the tough situations in the host culture that pushed her to get psychological strength from God: Here I encounter very tough situations and sometimes I feel that I am hopeless and very weak. And then I got to know Christianity and it gave me strength, hope and faith. I have this psychological strength from God. I don’t think that our tradition can give me this hope and faith . . . I learn from Taoism that “Good things and bad things are relatively dependent on each other.” And I know that I should be good to other people, in order to let people respect me. But all of these are not sufficient because we are still human beings. I want something more powerful to give me some hope and strength . . . And now I’ve accepted Christianity. (Xin)

I Feel Peaceful and Happy Another woman student said that she felt peaceful and happy with her mind after converting herself to God in the host culture. Christianity had empowered her to take a new way of being and doing in this new land: Here I am and I was converted to God. I feel more peaceful and happy with my mind . . . Even though I could make a lot of money in China, but it was a crazy

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life . . . So I think that it’s God who brought me here and wanted me to have a better life although I don’t have anything right now. Yeah, I do not have many things but I have my happiness . . . And I think that’s because you think about this world and see things in a different way. Although there are still many evil and ugly things in this world, I trust that God will bring us a better life. Although I do some wrong things, I believe that God will forgive me and I should also forgive others. You know, nobody is perfect in God’s eyes. So we should forgive each other. (Lan)

Border crossing, at its best, is a transforming process. These women talked about their “wake up” feelings of their potentials to fully develop themselves in this new land. They knew who they really were and what they could/could not do through experiencing the challenging student life in this new land. Some of them also have chosen to believe in God, which provided them with the strong psychological power and strength to overcome the difficulties in their lives. The challenging student life in this new land brought them a transformed sense of self that was rewoven in a broader cross-cultural perspective. Visioning Self in Future I asked women students how they would perceive themselves in future, they responded to this question differently. Some of them claimed their obligations and wanted to do something for their country, others wanted to stay in the U.S. to develop their careers. And some of them were not sure about where they would choose to develop themselves in future. I Want to Contribute Myself to My Country Like Them Women students came to study in the U.S. for various reasons, some of them wanted to learn something new and useful here so that they could bring the knowledge back to their culture of origin. This woman student wanted to be like those Chinese students and scholars in Chinese history who had contributed their knowledge learned in western culture to their homeland. There is a historical and cultural continuity in her current self-understanding in the host culture, which helped to expand her visioning of self in a broader historical and cultural context: Things in Chinese historical period, like in 1890s, after China was invaded by foreign countries, some intellectuals went abroad to study and then brought back western technology and western thinking. And in 1920s and 1930s, we also had groups of Chinese scholars going abroad. And now in 1980s and 1990s, I am here to study. So I want to learn from those intellectuals and regard them as my

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models, and I want to contribute myself to my country like them. Of course I will introduce western thinking into our country, to enrich our country and to make it alive not closed. (Xin)

I Really Want to Do Something for It Another woman student who studied business here shared with me her sense of responsibility to the Chinese educational situation by planning to set up a college in her homeland. Her concern for education in China indicates that she developed a “greater self” (in Confucius’ word) that was connected to the future of her own country: Well, if I have some money someday, I do want to set up a university in China. You know the college enrollment rate is really low in China and so many high school students can not get into college. That’s too bad. I really want to do something for it. Actually I thought about it when I was in China and thought that if I had that amount of money, I would set up a college and invite some American faculty here and some Chinese professors in China to teach there. You know, Chinese people do need higher education and they really do. (Lan)

I Want to Develop My Career Here Some women students make choices to stay in the U.S for personal and practical reasons. This woman student who studied business here decided to stay and develop her career here because her boyfriend was American and she wanted to set up her career and family here for personal and practical reasons: I’m going to graduate soon this year and I plan to go to work in one of the six biggest accounting companies in the U.S. I don’t know, I will just follow step by step and I don’t have much detailed planning at this moment. . . . Anyway I want to develop my career here. One thing is that my boyfriend is here, the other reason is that I think that I studied very hard in three years and I just want to find a professional job to practice myself. That’s all that I want. (Bin)

Another woman student planned to stay in the U.S. to do her research because she could learn more advanced knowledge and possibly get funding to do the research here: So far I don’t have a plan to go back China. I’m doing my post-doctoral research and maybe I’ll continue it about three years. And the reason of my plan to stay here is that, as we know, doing research in the United States is the best choice than doing it in any other countries in the world ‘cause it has such an advanced and modern environment here. Especially in the biology research field, it needs

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a huge amount of money to do it. So, in China we don’t have that much money to fund this field. So, I think that I may stay here. (Min)

It Depends This woman student had no fixed ideas about where she would go next because her husband has not finished his degree yet and she did not know whether her husband could get a job in the host culture. The following passage indicates this woman student’s self understanding was connected to the future of her family members and the root of her culture of origin. Well, it depends on my husband’s situation after his graduation. If he can get a job, we will stay here. If not, we will go back to China. But so far, it is better to try here first. Anyway, with either case, I will go back to China frequently for a visit or something ‘cause it is really good for my daughter. I still think, getting some Chinese education is a better thing. You see, the math education is not good here . . . So maybe during my vocation, I can bring my kid back to China to learn something new there. (Jun)

Women students developed new visions of who they wanted to be and what they wanted to do in the future. The geographic and cultural border-crossing was a contradictory and challenging experience for these Chinese women students. Although these women experienced cultural marginality in the host culture, they also gained knowledge through intellectual pursuits. Higher education in U.S. offered an opportunity for Chinese women international students to get to know the western culture and a way out of a deteriorating and limited culture of origin. It affected the ways in which women perceived themselves and others. Some women spoke of bringing back useful knowledge to enrich their culture of origin, some wanted to do something for their motherland, and some wanted to develop themselves in the host culture, and others had not decided where they would stay. There are important differences among these women’s visioning of themselves in future due to the particularities of their experiences in the host culture. But these women were drawn to the challenging student life that expanded their previous self-understanding in a broader cross-cultural context. An important aspect of this self-understanding was their ability to vision themselves as educated women professionals who wanted to fully develop themselves and do something meaningful in their culture of origin and the host culture.

SUMMARY OF PROCESSES AND VARIATIONS Results from this study suggest a series of processes by which these Chinese women graduate students developed a critical understanding of culture and

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self within the context of cultural mobility. The major process of their self understanding is “reweaving a fragmented web of self” which is supported by three sub-processes: “weaving self,”“fragmenting self,” and “reweaving self” across two phases: being women students in their homeland and becoming international women students in the new land. The web metaphor of “reweaving a fragmented web of self” captures the changing process of self understanding of these women students who crossed geographic, cultural and psychological borders from their culture of origin to the host culture. In China these women’s senses of self were woven in the webs of social relations but they fragmented the web by displacing themselves within their homeland as they experienced gender discrimination, dishonesty of the system, incapacity to manage the webs, failure of personal relationship etc. and anticipated the gains and growth they would achieve in the U.S. After the border crossing, their selves were further fragmented into multiple facets by experiencing painful discrimination, disrespect, loneliness and self-doubt due to the shifting webs of social relations of race, class, ethnicity and gender which are salient in the host culture. In response to their confusion and bewilderment here, most women students survived by fighting against the perceived unfairness and longing for their homeland, and they eventually rewove their enlarged cross-cultural insights into their self understanding and produced a newly complex and diversified sense of self. These findings indicate that becoming an international Chinese woman graduate student in a new land and experiencing multiple border crossings from their culture of origin to the host culture are part of an ongoing, everchanging process of self understanding. These women students are active agents in weaving of the various strands of their lived experiences into their senses of who they are which include not only what one has been but also the acquisition of the new and diverse potentials for what one will be. The results from this study also indicate that self is not a static thing but an active and fluid subjectivity that weaves and reweaves the diversified threads of self in ever changing webs of social and power relations embedded in different soico-cultural contexts. In a complex society where identities are situated and constantly in flux, one’s self may be viewed as diversified and multi-faceted. Thus, in becoming Chinese international students in a new land, women rewove the new aspects of themselves to respond to their new contexts. Naturally the consequences of multiple geographic, cultural, and psychological border-crossings create new conditions and new pathways to reweave self. There were also important contexts that produced variations of women students’ self understanding in each sub-process. In their culture of origin, these women’s selves were woven in the webs of social relations. The webs of social relations that women students undertook with themselves, with society (generalized others) and with specific others (colleagues, classmates, parents,

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teachers and friends) provided the contexts for their ways of being and doing in Chinese culture. The traditional cultural contexts refer to those webs of relationships which were constituted by generalized and specific others and controlled by their invisible power (i.e. social and parental expectations, peer opinions and others’ comments). These contexts produced various self understandings among the participants. Some women students felt themselves “being arranged and watched” by the powerful others when they grew up in Chinese society. They felt controlled and limited by the webs of relationships, and they could hardly make personal choices. But other women students had collectivist senses of “being one among many” and had some positive feelings about their life in the webs of relationships. Weaving self for these women, therefore, depended to a great extent on how the webs of relationships constituted them differently. When the relationships were hierarchically and unequally positioned by the power in the web, they would have negative effects on women’s self understanding and made them feel “being controlled and limited.” When the relationships were equally positioned in the web, they would have positive effects on women’s sense of self and made them feel “being one among many” caring others. Having grown up and experienced some life events in China, these women students began to rethink many aspects of those life events which provoked to deconstruct the stable and unified traditional ways of being in the webs of relationships before creating them into multi-faceted senses of self. This process of “fragmenting self” was located in their lived experiences of the social injustice and the depressing personal lives embedded in contemporary Chinese society. The deteriorating Chinese society and the depressing life experiences were the contexts that caused the variations of women students’ psychological displacement away from their culture of origin toward the host culture. The more these women experienced the corruption, social injustices and depressing life events; the deeper they displaced themselves from their culture of origin and made easier decisions to come to the United States. But there were also some women students who just “followed the stream” to the U.S. and thought themselves as one of the “best students” who deserved going out to experience a new land. Having crossed geographic, cultural, and psychological borders, these Chinese women students encountered “the other,” i.e. the host culture, and faced new psychological conflicts that they had never experienced in their culture of origin. Women students’ selves were further fragmented into many facets by experiencing painful discrimination, disrespect, loneliness and self-doubt due to the shifting webs of social relations of race, class, gender, and power which are salient in the host culture. In response to their confusion and bewilderment in the host culture, some women students survived by fighting

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against the perceived unfairness and they eventually rewove a newly complex and expanded sense of self. But there were also some women who suffered the pain and loss so severely that they felt it harder to adjust to the host culture, and some women even failed to reweave an expanded self. The conditions that facilitated those women students who had an expanded sense of self were faculties’ understanding of and support to these students’ lives in the host culture and their acknowledgment of these students’ cultural particularities in their academic performances. It also depended on the diversity on U.S. campuses, which raised these women students’ cultural awareness and enhanced their sense of cultural pride as being one among many different others. Building up connections with other Chinese students’ communities and constructing interpersonal friendships with American peers were also helpful to expand their sense of self in the host culture. The greater support these women got from the conditions above, the more expended sense of self they could construct in the host culture. Otherwise they would fail to pass through the process of reweaving self in an expanded way. Some other women students had more difficulties to adjust to the host culture. The category of “in-between place” that is supported by the codes “that makes me feel that I have no country now,” “ I don’t understand them yet I’m still with them” and “they may accept your body but not your mind” from some women students’ narratives reflected their pain and difficulty in adjusting to the host culture. One context that blocked their pathway to reweave an expanded self smoothly was the lack of support and acceptance by the host culture. Women students described themselves as grieving and unable to fit in the dominant white culture and to adjust to things in the host culture. The cultural mobility left these women in a psychological in-between place both away from their homeland and this new land, which made them have more difficulties in reweaving an expanded sense of self in the host culture. There were also some woman students who failed to reweave an expanded sense of self in the host culture. For example, the woman student named Ping had a very bleak and depressed sense of self after the border crossing. She was an accomplished college teacher who had a secure and proud sense of self in a prestigious university in China. She did not voluntarily displace her self from her culture of origin but rather was sent to study in the U.S. by Chinese government. After the border crossing, her family was split and she raised her daughter by herself. She experienced painful discrimination and isolation, suffered for not being financially supported and not culturally understood by the host culture. She had a “floating sense of self” and was unable to transform herself. The context that caused her difficulty in expanding self in the host culture was the lesser psychological displacement from her culture of origin (i.e. she had a relatively higher social status and lived a more

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successful and secure life in China), the broken relationship with her husband, being discriminated and isolated by the host culture, and lack of financial and social support at school. Another condition that caused the variations in the processes of women students’ self understandings was related to their different areas of study. For example, those women who studied in the areas of humanities and social sciences, they were more sensitive to the “biased discourses” in the U.S. classrooms that might hurt their personal and cultural pride. They felt harder to adjust to the academic practices, which in turn impeded their expanding themselves in U.S. universities. But for those women who majored in sciences, they experienced less academic discriminations because of the outstanding performances in science areas. Therefore, they felt easier to adjust to the academic environment, which helped them to develop the expanding senses of self in U.S. universities. Chinese women students entered the United States with particular expectations but faced limitations once they were in the new cultural context. They faced multiple challenges to adjust themselves to the host culture and experienced discrimination because of their culture, race, class and gender. The process of undergoing geographic and cultural mobility into a new culture, and the challenge of facing the accompanying economic, emotional and social challenges, suggests that Chinese women students underwent dramatic changes in their self-understanding. The new and challenging cultural situation represented a significant life experience. This experience caused them to rethink themselves in the host culture. The lived experiences of Chinese women graduate students also provide a context for exploring the ways which border-crossers negotiate critical cultural elements in their self understanding. As such, this study will also provide critical self theorists an empirical basis for future researching and thinking about self construction in a cultural context.

NOTES 1. Denzin, N.K. Symbolic Interactionism and Cultural Studies: The politics of Interpretation. (Cambridge: Blackwell Publications, 1992). Strauss, A.L. Qualitative Analysis for the Social Scientist.(Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1987). 2. Qian, N. Chinese Students Encounter America. Translated by T.K. Chu. (University of Washington Press, 2002). 3. Qian, N. Chinese Students Encounter America.

Chapter Five

Theoretical Implications

Chinese women students understood their “selves” within the context of cultural mobility. The major process of their self-understanding is “reweaving a fragmented web of self.” It is supported by three sub-processes which include “weaving self” in Chinese socio-cultural context, “fragmenting self” in their culture of origin and the host culture, and “reweaving self” in the host culture. In summary, in China these women’s self-understanding was embedded in webs of relationships, but this web was hierarchically constituted in power relations. In China these women’s senses of self were fragmented as unable to manage the webs of relationships that were controlled by the visible and invisible power (i.e. social and parental expectations, peer opinions and others’ comments). In the host culture, their senses of self were further fragmented because of the discrimination, isolation, and self-doubt that they experienced in their daily life. Having lived in the host culture for a while, women developed multiple and different senses of their selves. To reclaim a sense of equality, they wanted diversity, not otherness. They also developed a critical understanding of their womanhood (i.e. yearning for gender equality in work and mothering) in the host culture. These processes of self-understanding took place in a time frame structured by the phases of being Chinese women students in China and becoming international women graduate students in the U.S.A. I also summarized the variations (i.e. continuities and discontinuities) of going through these processes among these women students. My grounded theory analysis of the data indicates that these series of processes are central in understanding the changes in these Chinese women graduate students’ senses of self. In order to understand the ways in which these women students position themselves and construct multiple selves, it is crucial to understand the contexts within which they developed a critical sense of themselves as 153

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women international students of color and the ways in which they experienced marginality relating to their culture, race, nationality, class and gender embedded in differing power relations in the host culture. As stated earlier, the critical review of theories that informs my understanding of these findings is drawn from the following theoretical perspectives: constructing self from social constructivist, symbolic interactionist, phenomenological and socio-culturalist theories, critical feminist and critical cultural theories. In this chapter I discuss the connections or “fit” between the major concepts and the theories, implications for theory building.

WEAVING SELF IN SOCIO-CULTURAL CONTEXTS I draw upon social constructionist, phenomenological, symbolic interactionist, socio-cultural and critical feminist and cultural theories to argue that self understanding is an “on-going effort,” involving the synthesis of multiple facets of critical cultural elements (e.g. race, class, gender, ethnicity and power) in the multiple dimensions of socio-cultural and historical contexts. Conceptualizing self and the socio-cultural contexts as inextricably woven has contributed to a movement in psychology that is marked by a turn away from universalistic and individualist conceptions of persons to a conception of persons that is profoundly social.1 From social constructivist perspective, self and culture are co-constituting and co-constituted.2 In terms of the relationship of self and society in the context of Chinese culture, the findings of this study indicate that the self-understanding of this group of Chinese women students was embedded in webs of relationships. The process of “weaving self” involves how these Chinese women students had woven their family traditions, education, and cultural values into their ways of being and becoming when they grew up in the web of social relations situated in Chinese cultural context. It was through the webs of social relations that women students undertook with society (generalized others) and with specific others that provided the contexts for their ways of being and doing in Chinese culture. Their senses of self as “being in webs of relationship” were very much influenced by traditional Confucian idea of a self as a center of relationships. The social relations that define the self in terms of family, community and society are the realms of selfhood.3 This Chinese notion of self that is woven in webs of social relations is contrasting to the self as a “bounded container” in Western psychology that drives from self-consciousness of the wholeness and uniqueness of the configuration of internal attributes.4 The notion of self as an assemblage of traits flows from Cartesianism, in which the self is viewed as subject held in mind.

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Heideggerian phenomenology criticizes the Cartesian view of self as a split between object and subject, self and society by arguing being a self means “being-in-the world.” The notion of Chinese women’s senses of self as “being in webs of relationships” echoes the phenomenological view of self that centers on the meaningful set of relationships in the world. Phenomenologically, “world” is the meaningful set of relationships, practices, values and language that we have by virtue of being born into a culture. World, according to Heidegger, is a priori. In the case of present study, the “world” for these women students referred to a web of relationship and cultural practices influenced by Confucianism in their culture of origin. The world is both constituted by and constitutive of the self. The notion of the self for this group of Chinese women as constituted by the world (i.e. the webs of relationships) is fundamentally different from the Cartesian notion of the self as a possession. Thus world of the webs of relationships is constitutive in that the self is raised up in it and shaped by it in a process that is not the causal interaction of the self and world as objects, but rather the non-reflective taking up of the meanings, cultural practices, and family traditions by which these women became persons and by which things became evident for them. Thus the self for this group of Chinese women students in their culture of origin, in Heideggerian view, was situated. The notion that the individual is inescapably rooted in a social context has been pivotal in the thought of symbolic interactionist theory.5 Although symbolic interactionists analyzed the process of society-in-relation to self, there still exists a distinction between self and society. Society as an external fact impinges on the individual. Society is not an intrinsic part of the self. Self/ society dualism is still a problem in symbolic interaction theory. The findings of Chinese women’s self understanding in their culture of origin as “being in webs of relationships” goes beyond self/society dualism by indicating that social relations of family, community and society were the realms of their selfhood. These women’s growing up experiences in their culture of origin also indicated the importance of the webs of relationships in conceptualizing their senses of self because these women’s wishes, predilections, and anxieties were judged according to whether they contributed to or destroyed their interpersonal relationships. It was through the web of social relations that their selves could maintain a wholesome and personal identity. While social constructivists, phenomenologists, and symbolic interactionists explored the self in a wider culture that is composed of meaningful relationships and behavioral inheritances of a community, still they did not bring the critical cultural components into their cultural relativist theories of self. As such, the difference between independent and interdependent construals of self is still dualist in its symbolic “cultural” dichotomy between Western and

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non-Western cultures. Following the critical lines of thinking about self and culture, critical feminist theorists further argued that culture is not neutral: it is grounded in material social relations along differing dimensions of power. This awareness of power that shaped the social relations around us seems especially important in understanding these Chinese women students’ sense of self in their culture of origin. The webs of relationships which were constituted by generalized and specific others were controlled by both invisible and visible power in Chinese society. Reflecting on their life experiences in China, women students had a strong feeling of the “power” hierarchically positioned in the webs of social relationships. The authoritative person in the network of social relations had much control and influence on many aspects of their lives no matter how unwillingly they might accept them. For example, the category of “invisible web” indicated the power that was embedded in the webs of social relations was invisible in terms of the social standards, others’ expectations and opinions on their actions and achievement they had to reach. Women described the invisible power in the web was like something woven by thousands of threads that really controlled themselves. Besides the invisible power, the category of “socially controlled web” described the power that visibly controlled their social mobility in Chinese society. Having been embedded in the power-positioned webs of relationships, these women felt being “watched and arranged” by powerful others as they grew up. Thus the “care” embedded in the web of relationships was not mutually given but rather hierarchically positioned by the power between authoritative others and themselves. Weaving self, for these women, therefore, took place in the web of relationships constituted by differing dimensions of power. Thus power as a critical cultural element was brought into the analysis of Chinese women’s self understanding in their culture of origin, for power is central both in understanding individuality and sociality.6

FRAGMENTING SELF BY DECONSTRUCTING WAYS OF BEING IN CULTURAL CONTEXTS In contrast to modern times, in which individuals were viewed as having a stable, unified self, in postmodern times, individuals are thought to continually shed and acquire new facets of self while fragmenting and altering prior facets. Thus, in becoming a Chinese woman in modern Chinese society, a woman deconstructed the stable and unified traditional ways of being in webs of relationships and fragmented them into multi-faceted senses of self. This process of fragmenting self was located in their experiencing of the social injustice and the depressing personal life embedded in contemporary Chinese

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society. These lived experiences made them reflect, question and evaluate the cultural ways of being and doing which constituted their self understanding in their culture of origin. The process of fragmenting self started with their psychological displacement caused by their experiencing some depressing life events and it was furthered by questioning and reassessing their ways of being and doing in its culture of origin. Their fragmented senses of self were expressed in their feeling themselves as “twisted or divided into parts” because they could not challenge the powerful in the web of relationships. The power hierarchically positioned in the web blocked their psychological freedom towards being who they truly wanted to be and made them feel “quite muddled” about their potentials and capacities to do things in the future. They felt “regret” that they had to do all those “side-work” for being a person in the web of relationships. After questioning and reassessing their cultural ways of being and doing, these women felt psychologically ready to break the web and to take actions to move toward the new land they had been imagining. Having crossed geographic, cultural, and psychological borders, these Chinese women students encountered “the other,” i.e. the host culture, and faced new psychological conflicts that they had never experienced in their culture of origin. Women students’ selves were further fragmented into many by experiencing painful discrimination, disrespect, loneliness and self-doubt due to the shifting webs of social relations of race, class, gender, and power which are salient in the host culture. Their fragmented senses of self were expressed by their “feeling discriminated and isolated” and “feeling in-between place” in the host culture. In their transitioning from one geographical and cultural place to another, women students had a sense of self in-between their culture of origin and the host culture. Some women expressed a deep sadness about their feelings as “I feel that I have no country now,” “I don’t understand them yet I’m still with them” and “they may accept your body but not your mind,” which suggested their continuing senses of psychological conflicts and disconnections with the host culture. Moving into a new land that was different from their homeland was difficult for Chinese women students who were still connected to values and lifestyles of their culture of origin. They felt grieving and unable to adjust themselves to the host culture. The cultural mobility left them into a psychological “in-between place” both distanced from their homeland and this new land. Postmodern theorists described “deconstruction” as a way to examine the gaps, inconsistencies, contradictions, marginalized and hidden meanings in culturally embedded metaphors.7 Those inconsistencies, contradictions and the marginalized ways of being that were embedded in their lived experiences led these women to experience fragmentation of self in their culture of origin and the host culture. The notion of “fragmenting self” echoes post-modern

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ideas of the selves, that are constantly fragmenting in a changing social context. The post-modern feminist attention to the changing context is of value to interpret these women students’ fragmented senses of self in different socio-cultural contexts.

REWEAVING MULTIPLE SELVES THROUGH CRITICAL CULTURAL ELEMENTS The process of reweaving self involves how some women participants reassembled the previously fragmented facets of self together to create a new and expanded sense of self in the host culture. The notion of “reweaving self” counteracts feminist essentialist claims about the “gendered” self and provides a framework for critically conceptualizing women’s self as multiple and different in differing socio-cultural contexts. The notion of difference as referring to our particularities of culture, race, class, ethnicity and gender along differing power relations8 is important to understand Chinese women students’ self understanding in the host culture. Having encountered “the other” (i.e. the host culture) and experienced the pain, loss, and new psychological conflicts, these women students developed multiple and critical senses of their “selves” that they had never been aware of in their culture of origin. The codes embedded in the data that captured women’s critical and multiple senses of self are “I feel hurt,” “you feel you are ‘rare’ here,” “here we are poor,” “I still have this nationalist feeling,” “they have this sort of super power,” and “yearning for diversity.” The cultural mobility led these women into a different socio-cultural context that reconstituted their raced, classed and power-positioned selves never experienced in their culture of origin. Differing constellations of race, nationality, class, and power relations in the host culture resulted in different positions and ways to perceive themselves. The racial, cultural and class discriminations by the dominant culture were part of the larger societal context within which these women experienced multiple senses of selves that are composed by race, class, nationality along differing power relations. Being perceived as “rare,” “alien” and “poor” were complex expressions for their critical consciousness of their being “otherized” selves by the white dominant group in the host culture. To reclaim their positive perceptions of themselves as equal to others in US universities, they were yearning for the diversity through which they could become one among many different others that would appreciate and accept the cultural habits, values and beliefs from one another. Another dimension is that these women students’ shifted senses of womanhood in the host culture. Border crossing was a challenging and contradic-

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tory experience for Chinese women students. In the host culture their subjectivities as Chinese women were multiply positioned as Chinese, poor, female students of color. Their shifted senses of womanhood were experienced through the complicated relationships between culture, social class, race, gender and power relations at certain social and historical moments of their lives. For example, some women students who had decent jobs in their culture of origin and host culture were not aware of their gender in thinking who they were in both cultures because they were respected and treated the same as male colleagues. But those who had been “cute birds” dependent on their husbands in their homeland had shifted senses of being independent professional women in this new land because the power relations between themselves and their husbands changed after the border crossing: women were more capable to do things than their husbands and they became the bread winners in the family. Other women students experienced the discrimination and isolation because of being one among “rare” women students of color in some U.S. universities. For those “mother-students” who could not afford to raise their children in the U.S. they had depressed and guilty senses of motherhood that they had never experienced in their culture of origin. Their painful feelings of loss of mothering to their kids were revealed by the emotions they expressed as “sad,” “guilty” and “regretful” through telling stories evoked. Women students’ shifted senses of womanhood abroad indicate that gender is a social construct that intersects with culture, race, class and power that constitute one’s self at certain historical moments.9 As discussed above, women’s experiences revealed that their gendered senses of self varied due to many socio-cultural and historical factors in their lives. In contrast to the conception of gender as a biological factor that decontextualized women’s self understanding as “caring and relational,” these Chinese women’s lived experiences of their shifted senses of womanhood in the host culture indicated the complexity of the interlocking dimensions of class, power, gender, socio-cultural and historical factors in women’s self-understanding. All these differences between women are fundamental to selfunderstandings.10 To begin with difference would involve looking at many particularities rather than singling out one as uniquely important. Therefore race, class, gender, ethnicity, cultural value/belief and power are inextricable critical cultural elements in understanding all women’s self understanding in the world. Given the absence of much attention to the interlocking dimensions of race, class, gender and power in dominant feminist self theories, further research on self understanding among women of color is crucial. As the focus of attention becomes women instead of woman, differences instead of difference, and multiple selves instead of one self, one can begin to conceptualize the possibilities of heterogeneity and proliferating selves.11

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IMPLICATIONS FOR THEORY BUILDING One of the goals of this research project was to produce a critical and local theory based on some Chinese women graduate students’ self-understandings and the meanings that they make out of their lived experiences. The critical and local theory derived from this study is based on the following theoretical propositions: First, in a context of cultural mobility from their culture of origin to the host culture, a transformed sense of self often occurs among these Chinese women students. Second, developing critical and multiple senses of self among these international women students depends on an influence of the shifted power that is articulated in race, class and gender relations in a changing socio-cultural and historical context. This critical and local theory is in contrast with grand meta-narratives of dominant feminist self theories that often serve as normalizing discourses by which women judge themselves and are judged by others. No single self theory can possibly capture the “truth” about all women, as every truth is incomplete, partial, and culture bound. In place of these grand theories or meta-discourses, postmodern and critical feminist theorists look for multiplicities, or micro-theories. This research adds to specific, local knowledge that informs and leads to understanding Chinese women graduate students’ senses of self in a changing socio-cultural context from their culture of origin to the host cultural. Such critical and local theories are useful to address questions of specifically how social relationships especially of culture, race, class, gender, and power are exercised and transformed.12 This study is an addition to the growing non-essentializing body of feminist theories, which includes the recent work by Chang.13 She did a qualitative study of the moral voices among 30 mainland Chinese men and women studying the U.S. through their lived experiences of moral conflict and choice. This study challenges Carol Gilligan’s gendered interpretation of moral voice by examining the ways in which moral problems and responses were socially constructed in the contexts of power relations based not on gender but on culture. She found that students’ responses to moral dilemmas varied with the nature of the power relationships itself. This study challenges the essentalist formulation in feminist moral psychology by calling attention to the situatedness of moral problems and responses in lived relationships of power. In this case, power relations between Chinese students and Americans were constructed around cultural differences and exacerbated by socio-economic disparities which proved extremely disempowering for students. Despite the fact that Chang’s study14 contributed to understanding Chinese students’ moral issues in the U.S. culture, the author did not present a comprehensive explanation of the processes of self-understanding of Chinese stu-

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dents who have crossed geographic, cultural and psychological borders. Based on the fact that Chinese women students are an under-studied group in U.S. higher education, this research tried to clarify their self-understandings embedded in the critical cultural elements of their life experiences as students who have crossed multiple geographic, cultural and psychological borders. As such, this situated study contributed partical knowledge of the process of Chinese women students’ self-understanding and generated questions for future research on self development of international women students from Asia and beyond.

NOTES 1. Gergen K.J. & Gergen, M.M. Narratives of the Self. In T.R. Sarbin & K. Scheibe (Eds.), Studies in Social Identity, pp 254–273, (New York: Praeger, 1983). Gergen, K.J. “The Social Constructivist Movement in Modern Psychology.” American Psychologist, (1985) 40 (3), 266–275. Vygotsky, L.S. Mind in Society: The Development of Higher Psychological Processes. (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1978) Shweder, R. Thinking Through Cultures: Expeditions in Cultural Psychology. (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1991). Wertsch, J.V., Tulviste, P.& Hagstron, F. A sociocultural approach to agency. In E.A. Forman, N.Minick & C. Addison Stone (Eds.), Contexts for Learning. (NY: Oxford University Press, 1993). Unger, R. Representations: Social Construction of Gender.( NY: Baywood, 1989). 2. Shweder, R. Thinking Through Cultures. 3. Tu, W.M. Confucian thought: Selfhood as Creative Transformation. (State University of New York Press, 1985). 4. Sampson, E.E. Celebrating the Other: A Dialogic Dccount of Human Nature. (Boulder CO: Westview Press, 1993). Johnson, F. The Western concept of self. In A. Marsella, G. Devos, & F.L.K. Hsu (Eds.) Culture and Self. ( London: Tavistock, 1985). Waterman, A.S. “Individualism and Interdependence.” American Psychologist (1981) 36, 762–773. 5. Mead, G.H. (1934). Mind, Self and Society, p.233. edited by Charles W. Norris (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1934) James, W. Psychology. (Greenwich, Conn: Fawcett, 1896). Geertz, C. “On the nature of anthropological understanding.” American Scientist,(1975) 63, 47–53. Turner, J. The Structure of Sociological Theory. (Homewood, IL: The Dorsey Press, 1982) 6. Sampson, E.E. Celebrating the Other: A Dialogic Dccount of Human Nature. (Boulder CO: Westview Press, 1993).

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Lykes, M.B. (1985). Gender and individualistic vs. collective bases of social individuality.Journal of Personality Psychology. (1985)53, 357–383. 7. Hare-Mustin, R.T. and Marecek, J. The meaning of gender difference: Gender theory, postmodernism and psychology. American Psychologist,(1988) 43, 455–464. 8. Brabeck, M.M. Who cares? Theory, Research and Educational Implications of the Ethic of Care. (New York: Praeger Publisers, 1989). Collins, P.H. Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment. (1990) New York, NY: Routledge. Lykes, M.B. “The caring self: Social experiences of power and powerlessness.” In M. Brabeck (Ed.), Who Cares: Theory, Research, and Educational Implications of the Ethic of Care. (New York: Praeger, 1989). Lykes, M.B. Gender and individualistic vs. collective bases of social Individuality, 1985 hooks, b. Yearning: Race, Gender, and Cultural Politics. (South End Press, Boston, MA, 1990). Qin, D. X. & Lykes, M.B. “Reweaving a fragmented web of self: A grounded theory of self-understanding among Chinese women students in USA”. International Journal of Qualitative Studies in Education, (2006)19, 177–200. Qin, D.X. “Toward a Critical Feminist Perspective of Culture and Self” in Feminism & Psychology (Sage, London). (2004)14, 297–312. Unger, R. Representations: Social Construction of Gender. ( NY: Baywood, 1989). Spelman, E.V. Inessential Woman: Problems of Exclusion in Feminist Thought (Boston MA: Beacon Press, 1988) Chang, K. A. “Culture, power and the social construction of morality: moral voices of Chinese students.” Journal of Moral Education. (1996) 25: 141–157. Stewart, A.J. & Ostrove, J.M. “Social class, social change, and gender: Working-class women at Radcliffe and after.”Psychology of Women Quarterly, (1993)17,475–497. 9. Collins, P.H. Black Feminist Thought, 1990. hooks, b. Yearning, 1990 Lykes, M.B. “The caring self.” 1989. Spelman, E.V. Inessential Woman, 1988. 10. Hare-Mustin, R.T. and Marecek, J. The meaning of gender difference, 1988. 11. Miller, S. Improvising identities: Career reentry for new mothers. unpublished dissertation. (University of California, San Francisco, 1994) 12. Diamond, L. & Quinby, L. Feminism and Foucault. (Boston:Northeastern University Press, 1988). 13. Chang, K. A. “Culture, power and the social construction of morality: moral voices of Chinese students.” Journal of Moral Education. (1996) 25: 141–157. 14. Chang, K. A. “Culture, power and the social construction of morality, 1996.

Chapter Six

Implications to American Higher Education

ASSISTING INTERNATIONAL WOMEN STUDENTS IN U.S. UNIVERSITIES As Chinese women international students in the U.S. universities, their senses of self were deeply informed by experiences of cultural marginality, biased discourse, multiple conflicts and different ways of thinking in classroom settings. The findings of these women students’ experiences in the U.S. classrooms indicated that the classroom served as a cultural and political context that perpetuated cultural pride and prejudice and affected the ways in which these international women students perceived themselves and others. Some women spoke of their hurt as being considered “exotic others” and others described their multiple conflicts with their professors and classmates. These women were drawn to intellectual discourse and practice in U.S. classrooms and engaged in a process of self-authoring. Their classroom experiences suggested that an important starting point in this process was the ability to perceive oneself as an international student who represented her own culture and people in the academic discourse. To facilitate these students’ “self-authoring” processes, faculties need to acknowledge these students’ cultural particularities in their academic performances. Courses should be developed that deal with the relationship between education and development which include different cultural perspectives and explore various alternatives for development instead of simply duplicating the western model. The discourse in academia should focus on diversity in unity, not diversity in isolation. Courses should be developed that link theory with practice and learning skills, and that teach foreign students how to deal with failure, self-criticism, and collective work. Programs should 163

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be designed to foster interrelationships among the foreign students themselves. As long as students from different cultures continue to work in groups isolated from each other, there will be no fruitful interaction in the U.S. universities. By interacting with other international students in the classroom, students could be more able to articulate their problems and their questions as a group to faculties and thus to interact in ways more beneficial to them as well as to their hosts. Faculties and administrators should be provided assistance (such as some cultural workshops about international higher education) to prepare them to work with foreign students and to be aware of the cultures and needs of international students from non-Western countries. Universities need to provide such programs for the purpose of educating professors to new ideas and perspectives. In American society there exists trends of producing means of destruction, alienation, intolerance, elitism, fear and distortion and to build a world full of injustices and inequities. It is time to use education to reverse these trends. It is time, in particular, to build an educational setting more aware of both of its diversity and its unity: diversity of experiences and perspectives, and unity of sharing one globe, one future, and a set of basic problem.1

SPECIFIC SUGGESTIONS TO FACULTY AND ADMINISTRATORS IN U.S. UNIVERSITIES In the end of each interview I asked women students what they would suggest to faculty and administrators if they (faculty and administrators) want to better help them. The participants shared rich opinions on this question based on their lived experiences as students in U.S. universities: Thinking About Some Ways to Improve Our Language I would suggest them to think about some ways to improve our language. If they could do things like that, it’s almost the full help to me. Because I know that we Chinese students here all have very good capacities to learn things, if we could get help with our language we could fully live as who we really are. But . . . maybe because of my language problem is an obvious issue in my case, I have a deep feeling about it. (Si) I hope that international students office will sponsor more cultural activities to create opportunity for us to get to know with each other, get to know faculty and staff members. More importantly, it can facilitate our communications, cultural exchanges with art, music, food and other stuff. Finding host families for us is

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equally important, that is the way to put students in close contact with families and daily experiences of their culture on all aspects. (Xin)

I Need a Job on Campus What help I need? I need a job on campus. I choose to study education because I am interested in it. If the job is related to my educational background and my interest, that will be great! (Ping) I think that we have much to offer to cultural education program on campus. For example, we can teach some cultural courses introducing Chinese history, tradition, its land, people, language, politics, economy and its philosophy. Today’s China has such impact on US and many other countries. We can introduce our Chinese culture to them through seminars, lectures and other activities. (Hua)

Be Open to Our Culture and Our Tradition “How can they better help us?” I will say to them, “OK, open yourself to our culture and open yourself to our tradition. If you appreciate our tradition, I’ll be glad. If you criticize our tradition, I’ll also be glad if you mean good.” (Xin) We need to keep folks here updated with current knowledge and information of modern China today. Lots of people know about China based on those films that showed outdated and old China. They even developed bias toward the images of Chinese people and tradition. I suggest that Chinese international student association on campus should organize some cultural events, such as, film shows, art gallery and tours to China to keep folks here updated. There have been so many social and economic changes happened in China in the past 3 decades. People need to be open-minded toward Today’s China. (Lan)

Be Nicer and Kinder to Us Be nicer and kinder to us is more important than other things, I mean their attitude means a lot to us, to me at least. Of course financial aid is very important too. But their attitude is really important. (Bin) I feel so much better and happy when I see people treat me in a respectful manner. Just putting yourself in our shoes will make us feel understood and appreciated. Lot of times I feel judged by their cultural standard, language, and traditions. If American faculty, staff and students at large could appreciate who we are and respect our unique cultural heritage, language, tradition and lifestyles, we will feel much better and encouraged. Their attitudes mean a lot to us! (Ming)

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Listen to Us More Patiently Well, I will suggest that they (faculty and staff) should learn how to listen more patiently to us ‘cause Chinese students are too shy to ask questions and maybe the writing is better for them. I know my professor, he is very nice and he finds that Chinese students have lots of questions to ask but they are too shy. So he put a question box outside his office and you just write down the questions and drop them in that box and he will answer them. So I think that is a good way. (Jun) When I talk to my American friends/classmates, I feel nervous. Especially I can not express myself clearly sometimes, I feel embarrassed . . . I feel too nervous to look at their eyes. If they’re patient to listen, to encourage me, to even offer some positive comments on my opinions, that helps a lot! I can continue my talk and try to express myself more clearly. But it’s not always the case, sometimes I was interrupted by others’ impatient gestures such as turning their attention away from me, or jump in with their conclusion before I finish the talk . . . (Bin)

More Directions on Our Study For our first year of study here, I think that we need more directions towards our research area. Right now I am doing my thesis but I began to develop the research area too late . . . I found this research project by myself with a little help from another doctoral student in the program. This student is from India and I was lucky to get his help. And also for the job hunting, that is another big issue. If the faculty and administrators could give us some help on that, it will be great ‘cause we don’t have much job information and network here. (Yuen) My advisor has been so wonderful and helpful to me. She gave me directions and good advice on my doctoral study here and offered me variety of help with my research and thesis writings. She tried her best to assist me whenever I need her. Not only she offered me with much insight in terms of my thesis writings, but also did she spend time with me to talk about my academic life and concerned about my daily life in this culture. I can share with her my happiness, sadness, anxiety, and stress. She is a good listener, she helps! (Xin)

More Contact with the Host Culture I feel that I need to have more contact with the host population and their culture. I mean, I felt isolated and cocooned in my own world . . . Actually I like to socialize myself in this culture. But the question is “how?” (Meng) I enjoyed the time with my host family here. They’ve been supporters to help me with my adjustment to this culture and campus life. I am treated like their “daughter” and given so much attention on all aspects of my life. They teach me

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things about US culture, how to cook certain ethnic food, let me spend holiday traditions with them, even they teach me how to drive a car. I’m just lucky to be with a family here. Hopefully other Chinese students will have the support from host families. (Ying)

In response to women’s suggestions above, some structures, programs and practical ways need to be created to support these women students’ needs in U.S universities. For example, different levels of ESL courses need to be offered to help international graduate students with their writing and spoken skills. To resolve some students’ financial difficulties, the university has obligation to develop programs and services (even if only at the basic level of information exchange asking to that provided by campus career placement offices) that can assist international students to gain resources or working opportunities on campuses. Constructing cross-cultural contact with Americans via such interpersonal experiences as joint academic work, visits, outings, discussions, participating in artistic/social/communal activities could help these international students feel “less isolation and loneliness”. To reach this goal, foreign students advisors need to develop resources and skills aimed at the creation and implementation of programs that can facilitate more meaningful cross-cultural contacts with Americans (both on and off campus). Such programs would move beyond formal receptions and international folklore parties and emphasize one to one interpersonal interaction. Constructing interpersonal friendships with host families and American peers were also helpful to improve life for them. In terms of the job hunting, the career development offices in universities need to organize some workshops for educating these students with the job-hunting skills and providing them with information about the national and global job opportunities. An alumni program should also be developed to help job hunting for its international students. For example, it could be helpful to form international chapters and a viable liaison system between the alumni office and the chapters. In addition to these specific programs and ways to help these Chinese women graduate students in U.S. universities, identifying the context and conditions in which these women’s lives were embedded were crucial to facilitate their successful academic performance and healthy self development in the host culture. The meaningful conditions that facilitated those women students who had an expanded sense of self included: faculties’ understanding of and support to these students’ lives in the host culture and their acknowledgment of these students’ cultural particularities in their academic performances. It also depended on the diversity on U.S. campuses, which raised these women students’ cultural awareness and enhanced their senses

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of cultural pride as being one among many different others. Building up connections with other Chinese students’ communities and constructing crosscultural friendship with colleague students were helpful to expand their senses of self in the host culture. The greater support these women received from the conditions above, the more expanded sense of self they could construct in the host culture. Otherwise they would fail to pass through the process of reweaving self in an expanded way. Chinese women students entered the United States with particular expectations but faced limitations once they were in the new cultural context. They faced multiple challenges to adjust to the host culture. Educators in American higher education need to understand the diversity of these Chinese women students’ experiences, expectations, and desires by listening to these women’s own voices of telling life experiences. Educators will thereby have additional resources for creating enriching cultural and educational environments and practices to facilitate these women students’ healthy self development and intellectual success in U.S. universities. ADVICE TO PROSPECTIVE INTERNATIONAL WOMEN STUDENTS In the interviews I also asked these women what they would say to the prospective international women students who want to study in the U.S. if they (prospective students) come to them for some advice. They shared the following advice sincerely based on their individual “border-crossing” experiences in the U.S.: It’s Good to Go Out and See the World I think that I would definitely support her idea of coming to study here ‘cause it’s good for a person to go out to look at the world. I personally feel that I can be free to live according to my own personality. I don’t know whether this is an illusion or not ‘cause my life here is really simple. To me, more importantly I can live a free life on my own will and personality . . . And of course, if you are not very open or sociable person, you’d better not come here. I feel that people here should be very active to know each other otherwise you would be very lonely and isolated. (Si)

It’s Good to Get in Touch with Different People I think that they should come here. And I think everybody should have a chance to learn something new in another world. Maybe for some people, it is not good

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to stay here all life long. But it is good to get in touch with different people and learn how to think in different ways. That’s a good opportunity.(Jun)

You Know Yourself and Your Country Better I hope our Chinese students to study in US universities ‘cause I think that I benefit a lot from studying here. This is my first time to encounter the original western thinking. It is different from what I learned of the western literature from the Chinese professor. It’s original . . . Whether the students study sciences or social sciences, especially for those who study humanities, it’s good to study here. If you study science, here you have advanced information and lab conditions. If you study humanities, it’s more beneficial to you. Because you speak the language here, you talk to the native people and you experience every details of their life here. You have the direct experience of their thinking and their way of life. And you have volumes of various books, western literary books and philosophical works. It’s very good for them to study here. And of course you can know yourself better and know your country better. Because when you encounter a different country, you always make the comparison of this and that, and it’s helpful to know your own country better . . . And of course it also helps to know who you really are . . . I mean, your weakness and your strength will be more clear here. That’s why I encourage them to come here. (Xin)

It’s a Good Experience at Least I think, for some young Chinese women students, they won’t waste a lot of time here. If they don’t like here, they can just go back. Even they have spent 3 or 4 years here, they won’t be very old. I mean, they won’t lose lot of things . . . It’s a good thing since you have been to a different country, you saw many different places. You know, it’s a good experience at least. (Meng)

Learn Something Useful Here Learn something useful here and you can find a job! That’s all I want to say. If you want to study something that you are interested, then be prepared to go back. I mean, if you want to stay here, study something useful. (Ming)

They Need to be Christians First If They Come Definitely I would say that every girl who has a chance to come to study, she should come because the educational system here is great . . . But if they really want to come, they need to be a Christian first. That’s what I suggest to my sister who wants to come to study here. Because when people come here, they feel that they are lost and they lost their roots and they lost their connections just like

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a child comes out her mother’s body. You feel like you are floating and you don’t know what tomorrow is. But if you have God in your heart, you can really find peace in your heart and you can handle the difficulties although you will still face many problems. And you can put all this in God’s hands. At least you have peace in mind. That’s why I often write to my sister in China to tell her about God’s message and I hope that she could listen to it and become a Christian before she comes to the United States. (Bin)

These pieces of advice to the prospective Chinese women students in the United States provide a glimpse of how these women perceived the positive side of their border-crossing experiences which helped to expand their self understanding in the host culture. Border-crossing, to the prospective Chinese women students, will be an eye-opening experience that could connect themselves to the different people in a different world. Border-crossing is also a transforming process that will facilitate their better understanding of their culture of origin and fully develop themselves in this new land. The challenging student life in the host culture will bring the increased number of Chinese women international students an expanded sense of self that will be rewoven in a broader cross-cultural perspective.

IMPLICATIONS TO HELP INTERNATIONAL WOMEN STUDENTS IN AMERICAN HIGHER EDUCATION Embracing Diversity In the United States, colleges and universities are becoming increasingly diverse as people from many different backgrounds and experiences come together to prepare to meet the challenges of a changing world. In “Confronting Diversity on Campus,” Bowser, Auletta, and Jones2 remind us that the United States and its colleges and universities are still stratified by color. Thus, “women international students of color” is used here to refer to women students from countries of Africa, Asia, Latin America and other non-western countries. Obviously, this is an extremely heterogeneous group that encompasses all races, many ethnicities, cultures, lifestyles, and first languages other than English. There is also considerable diversity of physical characteristics both among and within these groups. Inasmuch as race, class, gender, ethnicity, culture and power are prominent determinants of social identity and social status in the United States, international women students of color is a highly political term in that includes those for whom oppression is most salient. Given current college enrollment trends, it is expected that more students of color (including international women students of color) than ever before

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will be attending colleges and universities in the United States. The range of diversity among women international students of color at colleges and universities is getting more fascinating and complex. This has far-reaching implications for faculty, administrators, college counseling and mental health professionals that influence academic practice and competence to intervene with these diverse populations, teaching, programming and training. One of the important aspects of the interventions is “embracing diversity.” “The process of embracing diversity involves a way of thinking and a way of relating or being”.3 A cognitive dimension of this process involves thoughtful movement toward increased social self-understanding and acceptance with those who are different, and gradual disintegration of personal barriers (e.g., prejudice, stereotypes) that block openness to human differences. This dimension also involves becoming aware of and knowledgeable about local and world communities, and the unfolding of a flexible and socially contexutualied perspective of human development. The practice/behavioral dimension of this process is active. It involves defining, clarifying, and appreciating one’s own social identity,4 and an openness to opportunities for valued interactions with those who are different from oneself. Another important aspect of the practice/behavioral dimension involves learning to cope with difference without diminishing it by universalizing or essentializing it. For example, the impact of gender on “female” characteristics as relationalness, nurturance, and gentleness is sometimes assumed to be universal among all women despite racial, class, sexual orientation, ethnic, or cultural differences among them.5 Essentializing these experiences is a denial of inequality in relation to culturalism, racism, classism and other dimensions of diversity. Experience based on race, ethnicity, culture, gender, social class and any interactions between these may vary from one individual to another. Self-Understanding and Development A prerequisite to embracing diversity in others is the process of embracing one’s own social identity. Therefore, in order to embrace diverse women international student populations, the faculty, administrators and helping professionals are challenged to embrace his/her social identity. This requires exploring and gaining clarity about one’s ethnic and cultural background, and tolerating the anxiety of defining and understanding one’s experiences of difference.6 The latter involves becoming aware of any diversity-affirmative perceptions and attitudes one had internalized over the course of a lifetime, and any internalization of oppression that might shape one’s current perspectives of self and others. In addition, embracing diversity involves assuming

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responsibility for working out and working through any personal barriers to embracing diversity outside of the mentor-student relationship, and learning to value all of who one is as well as difference in others. This very personal process of self-development requires a lifelong commitment. Directives for Helping Professionals The professional development of faculty, administrators, and mental health professionals must include training and continuing education that broadens understanding of how differential social and cultural contexts influence ways that women international students of color perceive themselves and others. It is also important for helping professionals to be aware of how women international students’ lived experiences of race, class, gender, culture and other social factors that influence self-perceptions, identity development, academic performance. Effective intervention may require the helping professional to “wear multiple hats.” Therefore, the role of faculty or counselor may expand to include educator, mentor, intermediary, and advocate. As such, the professional’s use of self is vital to the helping process. Also these helping professionals should be prepared to recognize the signs of shifting identities in relation to race, nationality, culture, class and power and attend to anxiety of these border-crossers, i.e., women international students of color who might be exposed to the different familiar socio-cultural realities from their culture of origin. It is important for the faculty and helping professionals to recognize the limits of their own knowledge about other countries by not generalizing or diminishing the differences. It is also crucial to recognize the impact of psychological displacement (from their culture of origin) on their self and academic development. Since the work of other college personnel (e.g. staff and administrators) are interdependent with that of faculty and helping professionals, they too must strive toward culturally understanding and helping these women international students of color by reconnecting them with whomever they are disconnected from and support them to have a support person or host family to aid with transitioning into this culture.

CONCLUSION In closing, this study argues that cultural mobility has socio-cultural and psychological consequences that inform self-understanding of these Chinese women graduate students. The process of “reweaving a fragmented web of self” indicates that self understanding is a diverse and ever-changing “on going effort”, involving the synthesis of various strands of their lived experi-

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ences into their senses of who they are in the changing socio-cultural contexts from their culture of origin to the host culture. The shifted social relationships of race, class, gender, power, and nationality in the host culture repositioned themselves as women international students of color who suffered discrimination, disrespect, isolation and self-doubt that impeded their healthy self development and successful academic performance. These findings suggest the need for a critical theory of women’s self development in diverse socio-cultural contexts and provide directions for diverse academic practices and social actions to help international women students to succeed in American higher education.

NOTES 1. Fasheh, M. “Foreign students in the United States: An enriching experience or a wasteful one?” Contemporary Educational Psychology, 3 (1984): 313–320. 2. Bowser, B.P., Auletta, G., & Jones, T. Confronting Diversity on Campus. (Newbury Park, CA: Sage, 1993) 3. Jenkins, Y.M. Diversity in College Settings: Directives for Helping Professionals. (Routledge, N.Y. London, 1999),p.9. 4. Jenkins, Y.M. Diversity and social esteem. In J.L. Chin, V.De La Cancela, & Y.M. Jenkins. Diversity in Psychotherapy: The Politics of Race, Ethnicity, and Gender . (Westport CT: Praeger, 1993), pp45–64. 5. Spelman, E.V. Inessential Woman: Problems of Exclusion in Feminist Thought (Boston MA: Beacon Press, 1988) 6. Jenkins, Y.M. Diversity in College Settings, 1999. De La Cancela, V., Chin, J.L., & Jenkins, Y.M. Diversity in psychotherapy. Examination of racial, ethnic, gender, and political issues. In J.L. Chin, V.De La Cancel, & Y.M. Jenkins, Diversity in Psychotherapy: The Politics of Race, Ethnicity and Gender. (Westport, CT: Praeger, 1993), pp 5–15.

Appendixes

APPENDIX A: INTERVIEW QUESTIONS 1. Who are you? What do you do/study? How did you come to be here? 2. Tell me about your experience of being a student in the U.S. What’s your experience of graduate study here? What are your supports/stressors? 3. What’s your student life like (in the U.S.) at the beginning and now? Did you ever experience a hard time? How did you deal with it? What’s your good time of your life here if there is any? 4. What is it like to be a student in the context of the USA? Is there a particular image that comes to your mind when you think about yourself as a student now? 5. Could you tell me about your life in China? Tell me the good and bad time of your life there. What’s it like to be a student in the context of China? Was there a particular image that came to your mind when you think back about yourself as a student then? 6. How has your life changed as a student who has crossed geographic and cultural borders? How do you understand yourself now? How are you different? How are you the same? Could you give me some examples? 7. Do you move back and forth between your culture of origin and the host culture as you think about yourself or are you predominantly in one culture? Is there a place where you are psychologically “at home”? Why? 8. What has it meant to you to be a Chinese woman student in the U.S.? What has it meant to you to be a Chinese woman student in China? Is there any difference? If there is any, why? 9. What’s the most important thing in your life? What have you accomplished so far? 175

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10. Would you like to add something? What has this interviewing experience like for you? Which questions were interesting to you? Which questions were confusing? How could they be improved? 11. What would you suggest faculty and administrators in US universities so that they could better help you? What’s your advice to the prospective Chinese women graduate students who want to come to study in the US universities?

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APPENDIX B: PARTICIPANT DEMOGRAPHICS Table B.1.

Demographics

Name*

Age

Marital Status

Discipline

University

Years in the U.S.

Si Xin Meng Ping Bing Lan Min Jun Yuen Ling Lei

26 30 25 39 28 29 29 30 25 26 36

married single engaged divorced (mother) engaged single married (mother) married (mother) married single married (mother)

physics literature economics education management management biology computer biology computer computer

private state private private state state state private private private state

18 2 18 5 4 3 2 2 18 5 4

*Name: pseudonym

months years months years years years years years months years years

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APPENDIX C: A SUMMARY OF PROCESSES, CATEGORIES AND CODES Table C.1. Phase I:

Major Process: Reweaving a Fragmented Web of Self BEING WOMEN STUDENTS IN HOMELAND

Codes

Category

Educated Family Parental Expectation Family Values Sacrifices by Parents

SUBPROCESS

Integrating Familial Influences

WEAVING SELF

Being in Webs of Social Relations The Invisible Web The Subway Metaphor Socially Controlled Web Power-Positioned Web Being Watched and Arranged Being One among Many Everything Was Stable and Easy There Nothing to Worry about FRAGMENTING SELF Experiencing Life Events of Psychological Displacement Witnessing Corruption/Fashions/Biases A Job Fair A Boring Life A Depressed life Not Good at “Guang Xi” An Unfair Treatment A Material Life A Psychological Strike Failure of Personal Relationship Questioning and Reassessing Ways of Being/Doing in The Homeland Cultural Strength and Weakness I Wasn’t So Sure of Myself I Felt Myself Quite Weak I Felt Myself Twisted or Divided into Parts I Felt Myself Quite Muddle I Regret A Lot

Appendixes

179

Taking Actions/Strategies to Get out: Breaking the Web

Moving with Crowds Following the Stream Peer Pressure

Imagining the ‘Other’ A Free Country A Beautiful Land Life Will Be Hard and Different

Imagining Self into the ‘Other’ Elevating Self Spiritually To Learn Something Advanced and New I’ll Lose Nothing I Want to Prove to Others Like a Kite Broken from Its Thread Just Like a Baby Coming out Her Mother’s Body Phase II: BECOMING INTERNATIONAL WOMEN STUDENTS IN A NEW LAND FRAGMENTING SELF Facing Contradictions Imagined vs. Real Whole vs. Split Pride vs. Prejudice Collectivist vs. Individualistic Intimacy vs. Distance Being Modest vs. Being Competitive Feeling Discriminated and Isolated It’s Unfair! I Was Humiliated It’s Not a Good Attitude to Me I’m An Outsider I’m Still in Another World I Feel Very Lonely I’m Homesick It’s Really A Language Issue If You talk, There Are No Topics What They Want and Like Are Different from You Feeling In-Between Place That Makes Me Feel That I’ve No Country Now I Couldn’t Understand Them Yet I’m Still with Them They May Accept Your Body, But Not Your Mind

180

Appendixes Experiencing U.S. Classrooms

I Felt Hurt He Said, “It’s Exotic!” I want to know, I want to know Being Challenged by Different Ways of Thinking/Doing Language Is Political Being Supported Being Respected and Acknowledged Being Connected Being Cared REWEAVING SELF Developing Critical and Multiple Senses of Self Nationality! Everywhere Could Remind Me of This. I Still Have That “Nationalist Feeling” You Feel You Are ‘Rare’ Here You Are Strange to Them I’m An Alien Here Race Is An Salient Facet of My Identity Here I Feel Uncomfortable Life Is Both A Tragedy and Comedy But Here We Are Poor But Here You Never Feel Secure They Have This Sort of Super Power Yearning for Diversity Shifting Senses of Womanhood at Home and Abroad A Better Sense of Womanhood at Home The Devalued Sense of Womanhood at Home I Am Not Aware of My Gender Both Here and in China Being A Good Mother and Loving Wife at Home vs. Being An Independent Professional Woman Abroad Dating A Chinese Guy vs. Dating An American Guy Being A Cute Bird vs. Being Yourself The Confidence of Being A Chinese Woman I’m Doing It for My Daughter I Feel Pretty Sad and Guilty It Hurts Me More Than It Hurts My Kid Taking Strategies/Actions on Survival Passages: Re-appreciating Homeland from Distance

Cultural Nostalgia Loving It in An Esthetic Way Thinking Higher of It Nostalgia for Student Life

Appendixes Nostalgia Nostalgia Nostalgia Nostalgia

for Material Life for Social Status for Academic Achievement for The Motherland

Keeping the Past in the Present Keeping A Cultural Style at Home It’s Not Necessary to Change Yourself You Cannot Throw The Past away I Don’t Want This Transition

Reconstructing Individual and Social Relations Connecting with Other Chinese Students Reconciling Personal Relationships Reconstructing Cross-Cultural Friendships

Reassuring Self-Value I Can Handle It and Do It well I Can Talk A Lot of Things They Don’t Know I Feel Myself Persistent and Diligent in Doing Things

Expanding the Web of Self I Feel Much More Free Psychologically Here Everything Is Changed by Your New Vision I Have More Chances to Develop Myself A Mature Sense of Who I Really Am I Am More Open-Minded You Design It by Yourself I Have This ‘Waking Up’ Feeling I Have This Psychological Strength from God I Feel More Peaceful and Happy I Realize My Right to Fight for It Visioning Self in Future I Want to Contribute Myself to My Country like Them I Really Want to Do Something for It I Want to Develop My Career Here It Depends

181

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Index

American higher education, 1–3, 8, 36–37, 163, 168, 170, 173 autonomous self, 4–5 authentic self growth, 4–5, 17 authenticity, 5, 26 being-in-webs of social relations, 17, 19, 70, 149, 154, 158 being-in-circles of belonging, 20 being-in-relationship, 26–27 being-in-the world, 6, 21, 155 border-crossers, 1, 8, 38 Brabeck, Mary, 5, 7, 29, 32, 35, 51, 154, 158 Cartesianism, 4, 16, 154–55 Charmaz, K., 48–49 Chinese women graduate students, 1–3, 36, 38, 47, 51–54, 60, 64–66, 95, 149, 153, 157–60 Chinese psychology, 4, 16 Chinese self, 18 Confucianism, 4, 16–19, 155 Confucian self, 4 Corbin, J., 48–50 critical cultural perspective, 7, 31, 34–35, 39,159

critical and local interpretation of self, 7, 33–35, 38, 160 critical feminist theory, 5–7, 29–32, 34–35, 156 critical feminist theorists, 28–29, 31, 38, 156 cultural dichotomy, 20 cultural relativism, 5, 20, 35 deconstruction, 32, 157 Denzin, N.K., 49 ensemble individualism, 5–6, 19 essentialist interpretation of culture and self, 7, 34 feminist epistemology, 49 feminist interpretive approach, 50 fragmenting self, 64, 76, 95, 149, 156 gendered self, 5, 29, 158 Gergen, K.J. & Gergen, M., 12, 23 Geertz, C., 4–5, 15, 155 Gilligan, C., 6, 25–28, 89 Glaser, B., 47–50 great self, 4, 17–18 grounded theory approach, 1, 47–50

189

190

Heideggerian phenomenology, 6–21 hooks, B., 7, 29–30, 33–34, 158 identity-crisis, 2, 36, 37 inclusive self, 20 individualism, 15, 19 interdependent self, 19–20, 38 Jordan, J., 5–6, 25–26, 27–29 Lykes, B., 5, 7, 29, 30, 32, 35, 51, 154, 158 Markus, H. & Katiyama, S., 5, 6, 19, 23 Mead, G.H., 6, 22–23 Miller, J.B., 5–6, 24, 25–29 person-society dualism, 23–24, 29, 155 power, 5–7, 23, 25, 30, 32–35, 73–74, 95, 156–59 post-modern feminists, 32, 33, 157–60

Index

reweaving a fragmented web of self, 59, 64–65, 153, 158 Rogoff, B., 6, 23 Sampson, E., 4–6, 15–16, 19–20, 23 self-understanding, 1–3, 8, 14, 19, 23, 38, 47–49, 53, 59, 64–65, 153, 155, 159 self-in-diversity, 6 self-other boundary, 16 self-reliance, 15, 19–20 Shweder, E., 5, 19–20, 154 small self, 4, 18 social individuality, 30 social constructivist perspective, 154–55 Surrey, J., 5, 23–26, 27–29, 32 Strauss, A., 47–49, 53–55 symbolic interactionism, 6, 22–24 theoretical sensitivity, 48 true self, 4, 18 Tu, W., 4, 16–19

Qin, D. X., 29, 35, 154, 158 relational cultural theory (RCT), 27–29 reweaving self, 116, 158

weaving self, 66, 154 Western psychology, 4, 14–15 Western self, 18