Assemblies Made Easy (Classmates)

Assemblies Mad e Eas y

Other Classmates : 2nd Serie s Successful Subject Co-ordination - Christin e Farmer y Parent Partnership in the Early Years Damien Fitzgeral d Playing Outdoors in the Early Years - Ro s Garrick Homework - Victori a Kidwel l Getting Promoted - Tom Mille r ICT in the Early Years - Mar k O'Har a Creating Positive Classrooms - Mik e Ollerto n Getting Organized - Angel a Thod y an d Derek Bowde n Physical Development in the Early Years Lynda Woodfiel d 1 st Serie s Lesson Planning - Graha m But t Managing Your Classroom - Gerer d Dixi e Teacher's Guide to Protecting Children - Jane t Ka y Tips for Trips - And y Leede r Stress Busting - Michae l Papwort h Every Minute Counts - Michae l Papwort h Teaching Poetry - Fre d Sedgwic k Running Your Tutor Group - Ia n Startu p Involving Parents - Julia n Ster n Marking and Assessment - Howar d Tanne r

Assemblies Mad e Eas y Victoria Kidwel l

continuum NEW YORK L O D O N

Continuum The Tower Building 11 York Road London SE1 7NX

15 East 26th Street New York NY 10010

© Victoria Kidwell 2004 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publishers. British Librar y Cataloguing-in-Publicatio n Dat a A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. ISBN 0-8264-7199-4

Typeset by BookEns Ltd, Royston, Herts. Printed and bound in Great Britain by Antony Rowe Ltd, Chippenham, Wiltshire

Contents

Introduction: Why thi s Book ? 1 Panic! 1 Writer's breeze block 1 Dare to be different 1 Stage fright 2 Irreligious and unreligious 2 Think positive! 3

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1 Preparatio n 5 Tips

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2 Source s fo r Idea s 7 Newspaper articles 1 Issues arising out of everyday school life 8 Proverbs 8 The pupils themselves 9 Pop songs 10 Events in your own life 10 Dreams 1 Stories and fairy tales 1 Current affairs 1 Msjor world events 13 The Christian calendar 1 Typically British days of the year 1 Christian Saints'days 18 Festivals from other religions and countries 1 European National days 19 Gimmicky National days 1 National weeks 2

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Contents Raising money for charitable causes 2 0 Famous people 21 Recent sporting events 21 The Bible 21 Ancient mythology 2 2 The seven deadly sins 2 2 A poem, book, film, play or television programme 22 The school's role in the community 25 A topic related to an academic subject 2 5 Party games and ice-breakers 2 6

3 T o Pra y o r No t t o Pra y 2

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4 Teacher-centre d Assemblie s 3

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Checklist 31 Delivery 31 Controlllng your nerves 3

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5 Tw o Example s o f Teacher-base d Assemblie s 3 5 You can lead a horse to water, but you 35 can't make it drink A rolling stone gathers no moss 38

6 Th e Clas s Act: Example s o f Clas s Assemblies 4 5 Racism 4 Girl Power: an assembly to mark International 48 Women's Day The Hindu festival of Divali 5 Always look on the bright side of life 5 Don't judge by appearances 5 A light-hearted look at school rules 62 Laziness/sloth 6 Respect for others 71

7 Outline s fo r Furthe r Assemblie s 7 Anne Frank 7 Victor Klemperer 7 The Jewish festival of Purim: having the 7

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0 4 8 8

7 7 9 9

Contents courage to speak out when you know something is wrong The Hindu festival of Holi 82 Haile Selassie 8 Le Peti t Princ e by Antoine de Saint-Exupe'ry 8 Sticks and stones will break my bones but 8 words could hurt me more Jealousy 8 All good things come to he who waits 8

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Useful Websites 8

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Bibliography 9

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The Ten Commandments of Assemblies 9

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VII

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Introduction: Wh y thi s Book ?

Is this you?

Panic! Me? D o a n assembly ? Nothin g coul d hav e prepare d me for th e shee r terro r tha t swep t throug h m e whe n my headmaste r mad e thi s outrageou s an d unpre cedented suggestion . I was destined fo r a fortnight o f insomnia an d adrenalin-fille d creativity . Th e head master coul d hav e patente d hi s sentenc e a s a n antidote fo r Immodium .

Writer's breezebloc k My trust y blan k pag e o f A 4 pape r an d I commune d regularly. M y companio n retaine d it s blan k status . So did m y mind . I just didn' t kno w wher e t o start .

Dare to b e differen t I didn't wan t i t to b e a humdrum affair . There's alway s the temptatio n t o downloa d assemblie s fro m th e Internet o r to d o on e ou t o f a book. I f that's wha t yo u want t o do , sto p readin g now ! I n m y experience ,

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y however, such assemblies neve r reall y work a s well as those tha t ar e 'homemade' : they'r e formulai c an d never strik e a true chor d wit h th e spectators . Neithe r can the y possibl y reflec t th e talent s o r foible s o f th e pupils wh o ar e goin g t o perfor m them . Once, I had a pupil in my class who could do an amazing impressio n of a garde n strimmer , an d I wa s determine d t o incorporate that into one of my creations. My assembly was goin g t o b e memorable and , above all, valuable. I definitely intende d t o includ e humou r bu t I als o wanted t o kee p m y job . A ver y fin e lin e woul d hav e to b e drawn. I wasn't quit e read y for m y P45 . Yet!

Stage frigh t Others deligh t i n performance . No t |! A t th e ris k o f gross understatement , I d o no t relis h performin g i n public i n an y form . Whe n I gav e a speec h a t m y sister's wedding, my genera l demeanou r woul d hav e given m e a scholarship t o th e Bett y For d Clinic . The prospec t o f standin g i n fron t o f a potentiall y hostile or, even worse, bored audience held no appeal at all . This wa s ver y illogica l a s I' d bee n standin g i n front o f every single member o f i t in my classroom for three years and had suffered n o ill effects whatsoever .

Irreligious an d unreligiou s I d o no t believ e i n an y god(s) . Ye t I d o believ e i n promoting th e 'mora l values ' and sens e o f spiritualit y that ar e inheren t i n al l reputable religions .

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Introduction: Why thi s Book ? If that wa s al l I had t o do , I would hav e fel t mor e comfortable. However , governmen t guideline s stat e clearly tha t assemblie s shoul d involv e a n elemen t o f 'collective worship ' an d b e o f a broadl y Christia n nature. Argh! My distinc t lac k o f religiou s convictio n mad e matters worse . I mak e Pos h Spic e loo k lik e a Hom e Counties Maharishi . I di d no t fee l a t eas e a t th e prospect o f spoutin g prayer s t o a n entit y i n whic h I didn't believ e an d I didn' t fanc y coercin g th e pupil s into doin g s o either . I ha d previousl y watche d thei r faces durin g th e words : 'Le t u s pra y ... ' an d Thi s morning, I' m goin g t o rea d yo u a passag e fro m th e Bible ...' . Valiu m (o r euthanasia ) coul d onl y aspir e t o produce suc h a n effect . If all of the above describe your menta l state now that you're faced wit h 'doin g one' , I hope to addres s mos t if no t al l o f you r anxieties . You ar e no t alone !

Think positive ! When yo u hav e successfull y performe d a n assembly , everyone wil l hav e benefi t - includin g you . I woul d also argu e tha t th e mos t reluctan t participant s profit the mos t - includin g you .

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Preparation

If yo u suffe r fro m th e affliction s liste d i n th e Introduction, the n preparatio n i s vital . Thi s i s th e hardest an d mos t importan t bit . Th e littl e gre y cell s will hav e to b e in overdrive, and the self-disciplin e wi l have to b e autocratic . The best way to prepare yourself mentall y i s to give yourself plent y o f time, i f that's a t all possible . Ideally , write a fe w emergenc y assemblie s an d fil e the m under 'Secre t Weapons' . Don' t los e them , a s I'v e done!

Tips Here ar e a few t o ge t yo u started : work ou t wha t yo u wan t t o say . summarize i t i n eithe r on e wor d o r a ver y shor t sentence. write dow n anything that' s relate d t o you r ide a that come s int o you r head . plan you r rout e t o you r mai n point . it doesn't hav e t o b e a direc t rout e - diversion s and aside s mak e you r conten t mor e interesting.

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y • write your route down in full, avoiding overlong sentences an d superfluou s adverb s an d adjec tives. • revise content and add humour wherever you can. • make sure your language is comprehensible to all your audience . • vary the pace. • time your speech and edit ruthlessly, bearing all of the abov e i n mind . Try t o rela x whil e writin g an d le t you r idea s flow . Don't worr y i f yo u writ e complet e gobbledegoo k t o start with . I t happens .

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Sources fo r Idea s

Useful equipment : a glass o f wine , and a propensit y for rando m and/o r eccentri c though t patterns . Ideas com e fro m everywhere . A forme r colleagu e of mine , wh o wa s sickeningl y cal m abou t thes e things, gave a superb imprompt u assembl y abou t his leaking flat roof (it was along the lines of 'Don't put off until tomorro w wha t yo u can do today'). Her e ar e a few ric h seam s of inspiration tha t I have found hand y over th e years.

Newspaper article s These ma y b e o f local , nationa l o r internationa l interest. Th e one s I hav e foun d particularl y usefu l are thos e ver y shor t an d amusing new s item s i n the weekend newspapers . Fo r example: The ma n who fell ou t of hi s attic window . H e fell three floors, bounced off a shop's canopy and into the river . Fortunately , h e wa s unscathed . Al l h e had bee n doin g wa s tryin g t o swa t a fly. (Loo k before yo u leap!) The stor y o f th e two pigs , Th e Tamworth Two', who escape d fro m a n abattoir . (Wher e there' s a will, there' s a way! ) 7

Assemblies Mad e Eas y The editoria l sectio n an d readers ' letter s o f loca l newspapers ar e als o quit e revealin g o f curren t preoccupations, an d yo u ca n easil y adap t thes e t o your ow n ends .

Issues arising ou t of everyda y school lif e School events and issues are a fantastic starting plac e for assemblies , anything fro m Sport s Da y to achieve ments b y individua l pupil s o r member s o f staff . Her e are som e examples : Following Sport s Day , on e colleagu e di d a n assembly o n perseverance . We interviewe d anothe r membe r o f staf f afte r h e had bee n trekkin g i n th e Himalaya s fo r charity . Litter ha d bee n a proble m i n th e school . W e invented a superhero character called 'Binman'. To play him, we deliberately chose a 'cool' (and rather handsome) membe r o f Year 1, wh o wasn't afraid to mak e a spectacle o f himself . Tha t way , we go t everyone's attention.

Proverbs These are a brilliant resource , especially i f you want to give a memorable and strong messag e without goin g down th e religiou s route . I hav e don e countles s assemblies using proverbs as a starting point . It is very 8

Sources fo r Idea s easy t o relat e the m t o th e pupils ' ow n experiences . There ar e countles s gem s t o choos e from , bu t th e following ar e particularl y helpful : a rollin g ston e gathers n o moss ; neve r judg e a boo k b y it s cover ; you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot mak e it drink; empt y vessel s mak e th e mos t sound ; th e en d justifies th e means ; every ma n i s the architec t o f hi s own fortune; strike while the iron is hot; the devil finds work fo r idl e hands . Some proverbs , however , woul d b e a bi t o f a challenge and/o r deliciousl y inappropriate . I can' t resist sharing these with you : a live dog i s better tha n a dead lion ; life isn't all beer and skittles; when al l fruit fails, welcom e haws ; i t i s merr y i n hal l whe n beard s wag all ; every elm ha s it s man .

The pupil s themselve s Your youn g charge s ar e ver y valuabl e asset s whe n pondering assembl y topics . I suppos e it' s a bi t lik e market research . The y wil l tel l yo u wha t issue s ar e concerning them , bot h insid e an d outsid e school . Past example s hav e been : bullyin g (b y fa r th e mos t frequently suggested . It may b e a challenge findin g a fresh angle on this topic, bu t I' m sur e your spectator s will appreciat e you r efforts) ; a school rul e with whic h they disagre e and/o r flou t regularl y (uniform , home work an d chewin g gu m sprin g t o mind) ; a favourit e charity the y woul d lik e th e schoo l t o support ; environmental issues ; anima l rights ; chil d poverty ; human rights ; capital punishment . Chatrooms o f children' s documentar y an d curren t

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y affairs programme s ar e excellent for finding out abou t the topic s o n whic h they'r e pondering .

Pop song s Chosen carefully , thes e ar e wonderfu l fo r findin g a theme fo r your creation . If you nee d to 'pa d out ' you r offering, then pla y the musi c at the beginning an d the end as well as during the assembly. It sets the subjec t and allow s th e pupil s t o mul l i t over . Afte r all , government guideline s deman d tha t collectiv e wor ship shoul d b e a time fo r 'praye r an d reflection' . I f i t allows yo u t o kil l a fe w minute s too , the n that' s a bonus! In th e past , I hav e used : 'Yo u brin g ou t th e best i n me' . Bread; 'Lazy', X-Press 2 an d Davi d Byrne ; 'Always loo k o n th e brigh t sid e o f life' , Eri c Idl e an d the Mont y Pytho n team {very carefully edite d - I onc e forgot ther e wer e rud e bits!) ; 'Bridg e ove r trouble d water', Simo n an d Garfunkel ; 'Day s o f ou r lives' , Queen; 'Sadness Par t I', Enigma (adds a bit of gravita s to th e whol e procedure!) . During m y research , I cam e acros s a fe w song s that woul d hav e cause d uproa r an d le d t o m y professional demise : 'I n d a Club' , 50 Cent ; 'Lik e a Virgin', Madonna (no t even at Christmas!); 'My Ding-aling', Chuc k Berry ; 'Se x o n th e Beach' , T-Spoon.

Events i n your ow n lif e I hav e spare d the m th e gor y detail s o f marita l mayhem, speedin g offence s an d m y les s salubriou s

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Sources for Idea s extra-curricular activities . However , thi s reall y i s a n excellent pat h t o d o down . Th e pupil s reall y appreciate an y snippet s o f persona l informatio n tha t you'd car e t o shar e wit h them . Thes e ca n b e mor e serious moments or, preferably, ones that show you in an embarrassing o r vulnerable light . They migh t eve n start t o believ e you'r e human . A t th e ris k o f tota l humiliation, I'l l cit e bu t a few: Stories abou t m y childre n whe n the y hav e mad e me feel 'publicl y uncomfortable' . Admitting that I once missed a flight by setting the alarm cloc k incorrectly , becaus e m y countin g backwards skill s ar e no t wha t the y shoul d be , as a highl y qualifie d professional . The mornin g I waved a t a bin bag , thinking i t was a friend o f mine . The time I drove through m y loca l town wit h a full coffee cu p o n to p o f m y ca r - quit e a feat, I think you'll agree! I couldn't understan d why the rain was brown. ( I have recently topped this by setting off at high spee d with a large sponge cak e on the roof. ) Regrets tha t I ma y have , such a s taking peopl e fo r granted until it was too late to do something about it. Opportunities tha t I hav e missed .

Dreams It's great fun to explor e the meaning s o f dreams . You can approac h thi s fro m a variet y o f angles . A goo d 11

Assemblies Mad e Eas y way i s to presen t dream s a s your subconsciou s min d trying t o tel l o r war n yo u abou t something . Hav e a browse throug h on e o f man y book s o r websites o n the subjec t an d yo u won' t b e shor t o f ideas .

Stories an d fairy tale s All ag e group s lov e storie s an d fair y tales . Younge r children wil l enjo y the m jus t fo r th e shee r jo y o f hearing th e plot . Olde r pupil s wil l appreciat e th e hidden meanin g behin d th e stories , an d ther e ar e some fascinating book s o n this subject . Fo r example, one ca n se e Alice's Adventures in Wonderland a s a metaphor fo r a girl' s journe y throug h adolescence , from idl e childhood t o conscientiou s adulthood . First, Alice mus t lear n th e rule s tha t ar e essentia l fo r a civilized, adult life . Next, she must learn to apply them thoughtfully. Followin g the m blindl y woul d creat e anarchy, wher e ther e ar e n o rule s a t all , a s i s demonstrated whe n sh e goe s t o se e th e Quee n o f Hearts an d th e Ma d Hatter .

Current affair s These ar e goo d too , especiall y fo r 'emergenc y assemblies'. Letter s page s i n newspaper s an d maga zines ar e particularl y useful . You ca n tur n almos t an y event int o a school assembl y topic : loca l an d genera l elections o r referendums ; politica l issues/scandals ; water rationing ; celebrities ' lates t antics ; sport; stories involving animals ; curren t local/nationa l campaigns ; acts o f terrorism . 12

Sources for Idea s

Major worl d event s You hav e t o choos e thes e quit e carefull y a s i t ca n make for quit e a depressing star t to the morning , and I tr y no t t o d o depressin g - leav e tha t t o you r mor e lugubrious colleagues ! Personally , I think I' d mak e a n exception i f I were doin g a n assembly o n Septembe r 1 1th. Here are some examples: scientific discoveries ; globalization issues ; peac e initiatives ; interestin g developments i n othe r countries ; majo r globa l challenges, suc h a s a woman sailin g single-handedl y round th e worl d o r on e o f th e ubiquitou s ho t ai r balloon endeavours ; th e merit s o f economi c sanc tions.

The Christia n calenda r Obviously yo u coul d observ e the majo r Christia n hol y days an d festivals : advent; Christmas ; circumcision o f Jesus; Epiphany ; th e conversio n o f S t Paul ; th e Purification o f Mary ; th e Annunciatio n o f Mary ; Lent ; Invention o f th e Cross ; Easter ; Rogation ; Ascension ; Transfiguration; Whitsun ; Trinity ; Nativit y o f th e Blessed Virgi n Mary ; Hol y Cros s Day .

Typically Britis h day s of the year It ca n b e quit e interestin g t o highligh t th e histor y o f certain day s o f th e year . Ofte n thei r origin s ar e completely unknow n t o staf f an d pupil s alike .

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y

St Valentine's Day Valentine's Da y originate d i n fifth-centur y Rom e a s a tribute t o a third-centur y bishop , S t Valentine . Pre viously, the Roman s had observed a pagan celebratio n in mid-Februar y t o th e go d Lupercu s tha t marke d young men's rite of passage. Some believe this involved a lotter y i n whic h th e youn g me n woul d draw th e names of teenage girls from a box. These girls would be the sexua l partner s o f th e boy s for th e following year . One versio n o f th e S t Valentin e stor y claim s tha t Pope Gelasius , obviousl y a bi t o f a part y pooper , disapproved o f thi s paga n ritual . Instea d o f drawin g out th e nam e o f a girl , eac h bo y woul d en d u p wit h the nam e o f a saint. Rathe r tha n havin g thei r wicke d way with a girl for a year, the boy s were instructe d t o emulate the ways of the saint they ha d been assigned - no t nearl y a s muc h fun . Poor ol d paga n go d Lupercu s wa s give n th e cho p as god o f love . St Valentine go t the job. The Empero r had remove d Valentine' s hea d somewha t forcibl y i n 2 7 0 A D becaus e h e ha d secretl y carrie d ou t marriages betwee n soldier s an d thei r sweethearts . The Empero r believe d tha t marrie d me n mad e poo r soldiers and banne d marriag e from hi s empire. (Quite reminiscent o f th e Englis h Cricke t Boar d an d th e Australian Tour. ) In a rathe r unwis e move , Valentin e tried t o conver t Claudiu s t o Christianity . A s a rewar d for hi s efforts , h e was stone d an d beheaded .

Mothering Sunday This seem s t o originat e i n th e seventeent h century . 14

Sources for Idea s Celebrated on the fourth Sunda y in Lent i t began as a day whe n servant s an d apprentice s coul d g o hom e for th e da y t o visi t thei r mothers . The y brough t a 'mothering cake ' a s a gift. By th e nineteent h century , th e observanc e o f Mothering Sunda y ha d almos t completel y die d out . Thanks t o th e greetin g car d industry , i t i s no w aliv e and well , alon g wit h Father' s Da y and , n o doub t a t some poin t i n th e future.. Hamster's Da y an d Garde n Hose's Day .

Shrove Tuesday In the Anglo-Saxon Ecclesiastical Institutes, it states: In the wee k immediatel y befor e Lent , everyon e shal l g o to hi s confesso r an d confes s hi s deed s an d th e confessor shal l s o shriv e him. ' Sound s lik e a barre l o f laughs! Shrov e Tuesda y i s th e Tuesda y befor e As h Wednesday and , therefore , th e beginnin g o f Lent . A day of penitence and spiritual cleansing. A kind of inner Toilet Duck . N o wonder pancake s ar e s o popular .

Ash Wednesday Sadly, nothin g t o d o wit h nicotin e o r barbecues . Hardly sellin g itself , Ash Wednesday begin s a time o f sober reflection . self-examinatio n an d spiritual redirec tion. O h dear . In the Goo d Book , i t says : 'Jesus retreate d int o th e wilderness fo r forty day s to prepar e for hi s ministry . It was fo r Hi m a time o f contemplation , reflectio n an d preparation.' Sound s lik e a n inse t day !

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y By observin g Lent , mos t Christian s joi n Jesu s o n His retreat . I n ancien t times , peopl e marke d time s o f fasting, prayer , repentanc e an d remors e b y placin g ashes o n thei r foreheads . Thi s custo m originate s i n Judaism. (Se e 2 Samue l 13:19. Esthe r 4 : 1-3 , Jo b 42:6 an d Jeremia h 6:26. )

Maundy Thursday Maundy Thursday is the last Thursday before Easter and seems to involv e lot s of foo t washing , alms givin g an d munificence, with a dash of brea d and wine. Christians remember i t a s the da y o f th e Las t Suppe r an d whe n Judas betraye d Jesus i n the Garde n of Gethsemane. The word 'maundy ' come s from the Lati n word fo r 'commandment', an d relate s t o th e comman d Jesu s gave tha t w e shoul d lov e on e another , fee t an d all . The roya l family muscle d i n on maund y a t Knaresbor ough i n 1210 . Kin g Joh n hande d ou t money , clothing an d knives . Roya l foo t washin g doe s no t seem t o hav e starte d unti l 1 730. I t did no t las t lon g and Jame s I wa s th e las t on e t o g o anywher e nea r poor people' s feet , with o r withou t a barge pole . An elaborat e an d colourfu l ceremony , th e Roya l Maundy i s steepe d i n tradition . Usuall y a t a larg e cathedral, worthy , deservin g pensioner s receiv e Maundy Money . Thi s involve s on e ma n an d on e woman for each year of the sovereign's age . I wonder if it' s ta x deductible . Th e senio r citizen s ge t re d an d white purses , mad e especiall y fo r th e occasion . The red purses contain money and the white ones contain coins mad e t o commemorat e th e occasion .

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Sources fo r Idea s April Fools' Day Or Al l Fools ' Da y t o some . The earlies t recor d o f thi s tradition was i n France in 1 564. Prior to that year, the New Yea r wa s celebrate d fo r th e eigh t day s preceding 1st April . In 1 564, the Gregoria n Calenda r was introduce d an d Ne w Year' s Da y wa s move d t o 1 st January. This new s took year s to filter throug h as it was delivered o n foot. Som e recipient s o f the new s did no t believ e it and continued t o celebrate the Ne w Year o n 1st April . They wer e ridicule d b y th e res t o f the population and became the butt of practical jokes. This evolve d int o a tradition o f pran k playin g o n 1st April, spreadin g throughou t Europ e an d eve n t o th e American colonie s ( I bet the y weren' t ironi c pranks!) .

May Day May Da y seem s t o b e abou t th e onl y pre-Christia n festival that hasn' t been tampered with b y the Church - apar t fro m th e fac t tha t the y kee p movin g Easte r around s o tha t th e Ban k Holida y occur s durin g ter m time an d canno t b e fully appreciated . Rather tha n joyridin g an d terrorizin g corne r sho p assistants, th e yout h traditionall y spen t th e ev e o f May Da y i n th e woods . Th e followin g mornin g the y would emerge , singing carol s and prancin g aroun d i n greenery the y ha d collected . The y woul d collec t money fro m th e villagers . Hus h money ? Sometime s they would mak e a maypole an d this would for m th e centrepiece fo r villag e activities . Th e focu s wa s o n dancing and pageantry - a n expression of communit y solidarity rathe r tha n som e fertilit y ritual . Someho w 17

Assemblies Mad e Eas y the maypol e lose s it s suggestiv e symbolism . Disap pointing. I wonder wha t Morri s dancer s mak e o f that! There ar e various theorie s abou t th e origi n o f Ma y Day. Some people believ e it all began with th e druids, who wer e int o tre e worship. Others veer toward s th e idea tha t i t goe s bac k t o th e sprin g festivals o f Egyp t and India. Then, there's the Roma n festival o f Floralia, when th e Roman s gathered sprin g flowers t o honou r the goddes s o f springtime . Flora .

Saint Swithin's Day A mediaeva l precurso r t o th e Meteorologica l Office : St Swithin' s Day , if tho u dos t rain , For forty day s i t wil l remain . A cheery soul, St Swithin asked to b e buried where 'passer-by migh t trea d o n hi s grav e an d wher e th e rain fro m th e eave s migh t fal l upo n it' . Ninety-nin e years later , hi s bod y wa s move d t o Wincheste r cathedral, whereupon i t raine d fo r man y days.

Christian Saints ' Day s There ar e countles s host s o f saint s fro m who m t o choose. Obscure , quirk y one s wit h eccentricitie s an d weird lif e storie s ar e particularl y entertaining . Fo r younger children , th e storie s i n themselve s ar e entertaining an d informative . Fo r olde r ag e groups , you ca n dra w moral s fro m biographie s o f th e saints . Saints are also associated with crafts and professions. A goo d investmen t i s The Oxford Dictionary of 18

Sources fo r Idea s Saints (Farmer) , which give s yo u al l th e juic y details . Alternatively, jus t ta p th e relevan t nam e int o a n Internet searc h engine , o r loo k a t th e Saints ' Day s calendar o n www.cafod.org.uk.

Festivals from othe r religion s and countrie s These mak e interestin g startin g point s fo r assemblies . Please note that the dates of these festivals vary from year to year, so you will hav e to check the exact dates yourself . A usefu l websit e is : www.support4learning.org.uk

European Nationa l day s By this, I don't necessaril y mea n nationa l saints ' days - w e pedagogue s hav e tended t o flog these to death. National day s fro m othe r countrie s ca n b e a soun d basis fo r a n origina l an d informativ e assembly .

Gimmicky Nationa l day s A quic k perusa l o f newspapers , televisio n an d th e Internet wil l sho w yo u whic h othe r nationa l day s ar e coming up . They se t ou t t o mak e u s all mor e worth y beings and , therefore, are ripe for th e pickin g whe n i t comes t o assemblies . Her e ar e som e examples : National Poetr y Day ; Nationa l Breas t Cance r Aware ness Day ; Nationa l Non-Smokin g Day ; Mak e a Difference Day ; Nationa l Curr y Day ; Nationa l Da y o f

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y Hope; Nationa l Tak e You r Daughte r int o Wor k Day ; International Women' s Day . You ca n acknowledg e othe r significan t day s too , such a s Motherin g Sunday , Father s Day , Al l Saints ' Day and , obviously, Halloween. .

National week s Many organization s arrang e specia l weeks i n order t o deliver thei r messag e t o a s wid e a n audienc e a s possible. Thes e ar e particularl y hand y i f you'r e saddled wit h a whol e wee k o f assemblies . Her e ar e some examples : Nationa l Wee k o f Student Actio n (arranged b y Amnest y International) ; Nationa l Healt h and Safet y Week ; Nationa l Librar y Week ; Nationa l Chemistry Week ; Nationa l Dar k Sk y Week ; Nationa l Science an d Technolog y Week ; Nationa l Famil y Week; Nationa l Pe t Week. Many o f thes e hav e website s an d publicit y materials tha t woul d provid e ampl e foo d fo r thought .

Raising mone y for charitabl e cause s Despite the advers e publicity , 'Yoo f fee l very strongl y about some causes and are more than willing to try to motivate thei r peers . Yo u coul d bas e a whol e assembly o n th e wor k o f a charit y and fundraising initiatives coul d aris e a s a result .

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Sources fo r Idea s

Famous peopl e In our celebrity-obsessed culture , there's always some trivia that you can adapt int o a diverting few minutes . As I write, Davi d Beckham' s ne w hairstyl e woul d be g the question : ho w importan t i s appearance? Ho w d o other people' s appearance s affec t us ? A peremptor y browse through a history boo k o r an Internet websit e will rea p rewards . Ho w abou t thes e famou s figures : Nelson Mandela ; Marti n Luthe r King ; Ros a Parks ; Steve Beco ; Joh n F . Kennedy ; Ren e Vietto ; Hail e Selassie; Evely n Glennie ; Elle n MacArthur ; Paul a Radcliffe; Emm a Richards ; J.K . Rowling ; Kof i Annan ; absolutely anyone .

Recent sportin g event s You're spoile d fo r choic e her e - there' s alway s something goin g on . Righ t now , I ca n choos e between th e F A Cup Fina l play-off s an d the fac t that , amid muc h controversy , a woma n i s playin g i n a n open gol f tournament . Wha t abou t th e merit s o f th e new 'Silver Goal ' rule? Every summer, the extortionat e prices pai d fo r player s raise s th e questio n o f th e responsible us e of money . Sportin g issue s can rais e a multitude o f mora l discussio n points .

The Bibl e I'm no t a Christian , bu t I' m th e first t o admi t wha t a fantastic storyboo k th e Bibl e is . I woul d aim t o us e

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y some o f th e lesser-know n parables , suc h a s tha t o f 'New wine for old skins'. Ideally, I'd ask a few pupil s to act th e stor y ou t rathe r tha n rea d it , in order t o avoi d any comatose cases amongst the audience. The Book of Proverb s i s superb. You can also use the Ten Commandments and/o r their equivalen t i n other religions . I tend t o avoid th e adultery one , especiall y i f it' s a Ke y Stag e 1 audience.

Ancient mytholog y The antics of the Gree k and Roma n gods can provid e a good source of material, as the stories often carry an underlying message . Work s o f literatur e ar e als o useful. I studie d Ovid' s Metamorphoses a t school , which ar e full o f morall y enrichin g tales .

The seven deadl y sin s Six o f thes e len d themselve s ver y effectivel y t o assembly themes , especiall y i f pu t int o a schoo l context: prid e o r vainglory ; covetousness ; lust ; envy ; gluttony; anger ; sloth.

A poem , book, film, pla y or television programm e Take you r pick ! Mak e sur e i t i s appropriat e fo r you r age group. You can use virtually anything to your ow n devices. In the past , I have used: 22

Sources for Idea s

Poems Poetry easil y lend s itsel f t o an y them e yo u hav e i n mind. Hav e a look at : 'No t Wavin g Bu t Drowning ' b y Stevie Smith ; Hillair e Belloc' s 'Cautionar y Verse' , a wonderful sourc e o f ideas ; Th e Wa y Thing s Are ' b y Roger McGough ; 'Footprint s i n th e Sand ' b y Mar y Stephenson.

Readings from books If you'r e doin g assembl y fo r a whol e week , i t i s sometimes quite refreshing for the pupils to listen to a series o f excerpt s fro m a thought-provokin g book . Alternatively, you could dramatize the passages, using narrators and characters. Try these: I am David by Ann Holm; The Prophet b y Khali l Gibran ; Jonathan Livingston Seagull b y Richar d Bach ; Jacquelin e Wilson's book s rais e a variet y o f thought-provokin g issues - depression , single-paren t families , disability , bereavement an d domesti c violenc e t o nam e bu t a few; Winni e th e Poo h book s len d themselve s quit e well t o assembl y themes; Just So Stories b y Rudyar d Kipling; Alice's Adventures in Wonderland b y Lewi s Carroll; Th e Narni a Chronicle s b y C.S . Lewis ; Th e Harry Potte r book s b y J.K . Rowling ; An y boo k b y Roald Dahl ; The Basketball Diaries b y Jim Carrol l (fo r an older age group); La Fontaine's fables; The Diary of Anne Frank; Zlata's Diary. A Child's Life in Sarajevo by Zlata Filipovic .

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y

Television serials/soaps Recent development s i n plot s ca n b e ver y usefu l vehicles for considering social and moral issues . There are ofte n bulleti n board s o n soa p oper a websites , from whic h yo u ca n usuall y ge t th e gis t o f what' s going o n withou t subjectin g yoursel f t o a whol e episode. It seems mainly to b e children an d teenagers who populat e thes e board s - s o you ca n see wha t interests them . Get theme tunes fro m the Interne t t o add a bi t o f atmosphere . Ongoing talen t contest s ca n b e adapted . I di d a one-off assembl y base d o n Po p Idol - I rename d i t 'Bone Idle ' an d di d a n assembl y on laziness .

Game shows Thank goodnes s we invente d gam e shows ! The y ar e the mos t reliabl e an d ric h sourc e ever. Their forma t i s familiar an d inherentl y entertainin g t o th e audience . There ar e endless possibilitie s t o adap t the m t o you r own purposes . Question an d answe r joke s ar e ver y good for addin g humour . All th e followin g show s ar e perfect: Countdown; Fifteen t o One: Mastermind; Th e Weakest Link; Who Wants to be a Millionaire?, University Challenge (yo u ca n chang e thi s t o 'Uni versally Challenged' , dependin g o n you r purposes!) ; Blockbusters; Wheel of Fortune; Play Your Cards Right.

Reality TV programmes These are absolute gifts, especiall y i f you're lumbered with assembl y fo r th e week . You'l l hav e a n in-buil t

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Sources for Idea s sense of continuity. All sorts of issues can be raised. It is a fresh, modern formula that ha s broad appeal. You can choos e whethe r yo u allo w th e audienc e t o vot e or whether you rig it, with your own class members as the voters. Here' s a few t o ge t your juices flowing : At Home with the Osbornes; Survivor, I'm a Celebrity Get me out of here!; Big Brother, Blind Date; Pop Idol/Fame Academy.

The school' s rol e i n the communit y A much-neglecte d matter . Yo u coul d dea l with : th e elderly i n the community; adult learnin g opportunitie s in th e school . Why? ; sport s facilitie s availabl e t o others. Why?; the schoo l an d th e environment . Local clergymen, charity workers, social workers or councillors ca n com e an d visi t th e schoo l an d tal k about thei r wor k i n th e community . Ve t you r visitor s carefully: I did hea r a hilarious stor y about a man who came into the school with hi s guide dog. All went well until h e entere d th e assembl y hall . Apparently , h e swore lik e a trooper an d was no t averse to kickin g his dog. No t quit e wha t wa s calle d for !

A topic relate d to a n academic subjec t This could be your own specialist subject or you could pilfer fro m others ! Memorabl e example s comprise : Historical anniversaries , suc h a s th e deat h o f a monarch, peac e treatie s an d s o on.

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y Classical mytholog y - extremel y usefu l a s there is often a moral t o th e story . Unexpected result s fro m a scientifi c experiment , showing tha t yo u shouldn' t tak e anythin g fo r granted. Scientific discoveries , recen t o r historical .

Party games an d ice-breaker s These ar e excellen t way s o f demonstratin g th e importance o f socia l skill s suc h a s cooperatio n wit h others. You can either se t them u p beforehand o r ask for 'volunteers/conscripts ' fro m th e audience . With a bit o f imagination , a grea t numbe r o f game s ar e suitable. Her e are a few tha t I hav e use d i n the past :

Spoonfeeding Two pupil s ar e give n larg e spoon s an d som e sweet s are place d i n a bowl . The y ar e tol d tha t the y ar e welcome t o hav e som e sweet s bu t the y can' t us e their hand s o r touc h th e bow l wit h an y par t o f thei r body. It should soon become apparent that they have to pu t th e handl e o f th e spoo n i n thei r mouth s an d feed th e othe r perso n lik e that .

Shoe find Tell betwee n si x an d te n pupil s t o stan d i n a circle , take of f thei r righ t sho e an d plac e i t i n th e centr e o f

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Sources fo r Idea s the circle. Tell them that when you give the signal you want them to go into the centre of the circle and get a shoe that doesn' t belon g to them. They retur n to their place in the circle and put the shoe in their righ t hand. Tell the m t o joi n hands . When the y hav e don e that , tell the m tha t the y mus t retur n th e shoe s t o thei r rightful owner s withou t breakin g th e circle .

The blanket game [This is more suited to an older audience] You have to set this on e u p beforehand . Pic k a Volunteer' (who m you hav e thoroughl y prime d an d wh o ha s discreetl y secreted item s o f clothing , includin g underwear , about hi s person! ) fro m th e audience . Tel l hi m t o si t on th e floor . Plac e a larg e blanke t ove r him . Tell hi m that yo u ar e thinking abou t something tha t yo u wis h him t o tak e off . Yo u hav e writte n dow n th e nam e o f that thin g o n a piec e o f pape r i n a n envelope . Sho w the envelop e t o th e audience . I f h e manage s t o tak e off that item , you will le t him come out from unde r the blanket. A lo t o f movemen t unde r th e blanke t shoul d ensue an d a n ite m o f clothin g shoul d appear . Star t with innocuou s things lik e a watch or tie. Towards the end, the underwea r shoul d emerg e an d the audienc e will believ e tha t ther e i s a nake d perso n unde r th e blanket. A t thi s stage , th e blanke t ca n b e lifte d t o reveal a full y clothe d person . Tel l th e audienc e yo u fooled th e audienc e becaus e o f thei r preconceive d ideas and that they should always question what the y see. Yo u ca n doubl y foo l the m b y placin g someon e under th e blanke t befor e th e audienc e com e in .

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y During th e game , th e perso n passe s ou t clothin g o f the opposit e se x (o r eve n a teacher's clothes) . I ca n guarantee they'l l ge t a real shoc k whe n yo u rais e the blanket. I hope the abov e idea s hav e helpe d you o n your wa y to divin e inspiration .

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3

To Pra y or No t t o Pra y

I hav e alread y deal t wit h m y hang-ups . I f you'r e comfortable praying , pra y away ! I n an y case , you'l l have t o adher e t o you r schoo l polic y o n praye r (there's almost bound to be one nowadays). There are alternatives. You coul d summariz e you r messag e an d just encourag e you r student s t o reflec t silentl y a t th e end. Alternatively , yo u coul d finis h wit h a readin g from a spiritual boo k suc h a s The Prophet (thi s boo k has passage s o n a multitud e o f subjects) . Jonathan Livingston Seagull also lend s itsel f wel l t o this .

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4

Teacher-centred Assemblie s

Checklist Keep i t short . Keep i t simple . Have a visual focus, if possibl e - mak e sur e it' s i n everyone's lin e o f vision. Make i t age-specifi c an d relevant . Be u p fron t an d personal . Make the m laugh . Choose appropriat e musi c t o accompan y you r theme. Learn you r materia l - you'l l b e mor e credibl e an d you won' t nee d notes . Rehearse, rehearse , rehearse . Ou t loud\ Wit h gestures an d appropriat e facia l expression s - i f you're delivering ba d news , don't loo k a s if you've just wo n th e lottery .

Delivery Can everyon e se e you? 31

Assemblies Mad e Eas y Start of f quietl y t o gai n you r audience' s ful l attention. Talk slowly , bu t talk ! Stand still! Make sure your bod y languag e and positio n i n the room ar e no t defensiv e - com e out , w e kno w you're there ! Let you r word s trigge r you r action s - i f you'r e counting, coun t o n you r fingers; i f you'r e sayin g no, shak e you r head . Avoid irritatin g gesture s - yo u are not a n air traffi c controller. Keep your hea d up , although a n in-depth stud y of ceiling aesthetic s i s not necessary . Look your audience i n the eyes, in a pleasant, nonthreatening manner . Give the m tim e t o reac t t o wha t you'r e sayin g but no t to o muc h time .

Controlling you r nerve s It's quit e usefu l t o understan d wh y you're : having palpitations . sweating profusely . shaking. feeling tensio n i n your nec k an d shoulders . 32

Teacher-centred Assemblie s talking i n a ridiculousl y tremulou s voice . experiencing a pressing urg e to g o and commun e with th e toilet . wanting t o sta y ther e fo r th e foreseeabl e future . generally lookin g a s if you're i n the early stages of detox. Fear o f publi c speakin g i s i n th e to p fiv e o f phobias , ranking alongsid e financia l rui n an d death ! So , don't worry, you'r e anxiet y i s quite natural . Why? you're i n a totally unfamilia r situation . you therefor e lac k confidence . you fee l isolate d standin g alon e i n fron t o f you r audience. you're frightene d o f makin g a fool o f yourself . you're scare d you r job/caree r ma y depen d upo n the consequences .

What can you do about them? Before you r assembly : go t o a privat e plac e {not home!) . try t o rela x you r bod y b y doin g th e exercise s o f your choice . take dee p breaths . sing a silly son g - it'l l rela x yo u an d you r voice . I

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y always go for 'I' m i n the mood for dancing', by the Nolan Sisters . get to the assembly hal l early, but no t too earl y or you'll hav e to g o bac k t o th e sill y son g stage . talk t o anyon e wh o i s ther e an d liste n intentl y t o what they say, however borin g i t may be - it'l l take your min d of f things . During you r assembly : don't hol d note s - an y tremblin g wil l b e mor e obvious an d they'l l creat e a barrie r betwee n yo u and you r audience . try t o imagin e you'r e jus t chattin g t o friends . lean o n somethin g i f you fee l you r leg s shaking. visualize an y 'frowners/hea d shakers' : i n thei r underwear, naked , wit h a larg e tuberou s vegeta ble growing out of their head , or sitting on a potty. There i s nothin g wron g wit h bein g o r feelin g vulnerable. I f anything , i t wil l mak e you r audienc e more sympathetic . You r nervousnes s i s not a s visible as you thin k i t is. I woul d b e lyin g throug h m y teet h i f I sai d I ha d totally conquere d m y nerves . I haven't . However , I have learn t no t to ge t nervou s abou t gettin g nervous .

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5

Two Example s of Teacher-base d Assemblies

I wrote these assemblies to appeal to as broad an age range a s possibl e ( I was i n a schoo l tha t wen t fro m Key Stage 2 to Sixth form), and to fit int o a 1 5-minute slot i n th e timetable . You'll hav e t o tak e bot h thes e factor s int o consideration. Yo u ca n b e fa r mor e risqu e i f you r audience is older and you haven't go t a priggish hea d teacher {not tha t I did!).

You ca n lea d a hors e to water, bu t you can't mak e i t drink Let me take you bac k a couple o f years ago, to when I was fifteen . M y famil y tel l m e tha t I wa s a t m y most argumentative a t tha t age . Wheneve r I ha d don e something wrong , m y stepfathe r woul d si t m e dow n and painstakingl y try to poin t ou t the error of m y ways. As a matter o f principle , I would strongl y disagree wit h everything h e said. Then, I'd giv e him the benefi t o f my expert opinio n o n the subjec t in hand . After abou t hal f an hour , m y stepfathe r woul d resis t th e temptatio n t o strangle me , sigh, shrug hi s shoulders and mutter : 'You can lead a horse to water, bu t you can' t mak e it drink'. 35

Assemblies Mad e Eas y I hav e a confession t o make . I'm ver y ashame d t o say tha t whe n Mr s Jone s 'asked ' m e t o d o thi s assembly, m y first reactio n was: 'How can I get out of this?' Quit e frankly , I' d rathe r ea t a slug . M y min d raced throug h th e possibl e escap e routes : A fe w day s befor e th e assembly , I coul d star t showing symptom s o f a rathe r nast y bacteria l virus . By th e dat e i n question , m y illnes s woul d hav e developed int o full-blow n Wels h flu , B-strain . Righ t now, I' d b e tucke d u p a t home , watchin g This Morning, eagerl y awaitin g th e phone-i n o n hamste r psychology. Perhaps I could arrange for m y car to b e stolen just before 8.30 . Righ t now , I' d b e helpin g polic e wit h their enquiries . I briefl y though t abou t th e possibilit y o f bribin g another teacher int o doing this assembly for me . How many lunc h dutie s wer e equivalen t t o on e assembly ? How many marked exercise books? How many lesson supervisions? Woul d the y accep t a cheque ? Visa ? American Express ? Orga n Dono r card ? O r di d the y operate o n a strictl y cash-onl y basis ? Di d I hav e an y dodgy photographs to blackmail them with? I came to realize, however, tha t thi s particula r optio n woul d b e out o f th e question . A s w e al l know , the y ar e fine , upstanding an d incorruptibl e member s o f society . It the n occurre d t o m e tha t it' s quit e a lon g tim e since someon e aske d m e t o d o somethin g I reall y didn't wan t t o do . Then somethin g els e occurre d t o me. Two thing s i n one day ! That's a lot for me ! What occurred to me is that you lot are often being asked to do thing s yo u don' t fanc y much . Rin g an y bells ? Does you r min d eve r wande r i n lessons ? Doe s i t 36

Two Example s o f Teacher-based Assemblie s ever completel y switc h of f fro m wha t th e teache r i s saying? No , o f cours e i t doesn't ! Peris h th e thought . But, if it ever does i n the future, you ma y find yoursel f wondering wha t you r teacher s wer e lik e whe n the y were a t school . Picture them, righ t a t the front o f th e classroom, bolt uprigh t i n their chairs , pens poised for action an d listenin g t o ever y wor d uttere d b y thei r lovely teacher . Thei r homewor k woul d alway s b e handed i n on time an d they woul d eve n volunteer t o do extr a homework , becaus e the y kne w i t wa s goo d for them . No, no , no ! I happe n t o kno w tha t man y o f you r teachers were self-confesse d disaste r area s at school. I happe n t o kno w tha t on e o f the m diverte d al l th e local traffi c throug h th e schoo l ground s usin g borrowed traffi c cones . Anothe r wa s expelle d fro m nursery school for puttin g pencil s through hole s in the floorboards. I used to specializ e i n unpleasan t activit y avoidance. I would spen d day s o n en d plannin g ho w to avoi d thing s lik e pian o lessons , hocke y i n the rai n and, of course, the dreaded homework . The excuses I used t o com e u p wit h mak e yo u loo k lik e complet e amateurs. However , m y exper t capabilitie s woul d always en d u p gettin g m e int o bi g trouble . At th e rip e old ag e of 21 an d three quarters , I can now se e tha t m y antic s didn' t d o m e an y favours . I always ended u p with mor e problem s than I' d starte d with. And, what abou t today? What i f I had manage d to wriggle out of doing this assembly through a rather too convenien t illness , orchestrate d ca r thef t o r bribery an d corruption ? I coul d no w b e facin g an y of th e followin g consequences : th e 'silen t treatment ' in th e staffroom , lunc h dut y fo r life , a charg e o f 37

Assemblies Mad e Eas y wasting polic e time or an unauthorize d overdraft . No t very nice . Now thin k abou t th e time s whe n yo u ge t int o trouble wit h you r teachers , parent s an d eve n you r friends. I should imagine that it' s often when someon e is trying to force you to do something you'd rather no t do. Mayb e they'r e tryin g t o sa y somethin g yo u don' t want t o hear . Next time you're faced with thi s situation, I hope at least you'l l conside r wha t I'v e said . Probabl y you'l l have to lear n thi s i n you r ow n tim e an d i n you r ow n way. Jus t lik e me . After all , 'you ca n lea d a hors e t o water, bu t yo u can' t mak e i t drink' . [This was followed by a brief reading from Th e Prophet about knowledge. Then we reflected upon confronting things that we find difficult and the sense of achievement we feel when we've faced up to a challenge and overcome our difficulties.]

A rollin g ston e gather s n o mos s [Last time I gave an assembly, I used a proverb as my central theme. I love proverbs. In fact I collect them. Yes, I'm that sad! At the moment, I've gathered a grand total of 108. ] The dictionar y definitio n o f a prover b is : ' A popula r saying expresse d i n a clever, brie f manner' . Proverb s are ver y ol d an d hav e bee n passe d dow n fro m generation t o generation . I like to thin k tha t everyon e of the m contain s a littl e ge m o f wisdom . In theory , I ought t o b e abl e t o bas e a n assembl y o n eac h o f 38

Two Example s o f Teacher-based Assemblie s them. Don't tel l Mr s Jones! As they're s o old, many of them soun d strange . Fo r example , I wouldn' t relis h the prospec t o f talkin g fo r te n minute s abou t these : 'Laugh an d gro w fat' ; 'Littl e pitcher s hav e lon g ears' ; 'A great cry and littl e wool'. Anyway, the nex t prover b on m y lis t is : 'A rollin g ston e gather s n o moss' . Before I tal k abou t stones , rollin g o r otherwise , I want to tell you about m y problem. If I sit down during the day , I fee l guilty. I blam e m y parents . They'r e farmers an d ever y minut e fro m daw n til l dus k i s filled with frenzie d activity . When , no t lon g ago , I wa s a child, my parents made it clear that to relax during the day wa s not th e don e thing . Th e evening wa s th e time fo r relaxation . Breakfas t wa s a t eigh t o'cloc k o r there wa s n o breakfast . I f w e loitere d aroun d th e house doin g nothing , my mothe r woul d forcibl y ejec t us. I f sh e fel t i t necessary , sh e woul d loc k th e doo r behind us . Eve n worse , sh e woul d giv e u s what sh e called 'constructive ' thing s t o do . Plantin g lettuce s and pickin g blackcurrant s wer e th e wors t ones . So yo u ca n se e th e origin s o f m y problem . I no w have the compulsion to cram my day to the brim with as muc h activit y a s possible . I f yo u ca n si t dow n during th e day without feelin g guilty , then I envy you. Let's retur n t o th e rollin g stone . 'A rollin g ston e gathers n o moss' . This woul d see m t o impl y tha t i f a stone i s not rollin g i t would gathe r moss . Befor e I continue, I would lik e to make is quite clear that I have absolutely nothin g agains t moss . I am not anti-moss . I do no t adher e t o th e mossis t philosophy . I n fact, I' m very partia l t o a bit o f mos s her e an d there . Picture tha t stone . I t stay s i n th e sam e plac e fo r a very lon g time . Nobod y move s i t o r use s i t fo r

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y anything. Time passes . Moss start s to gro w o n it . It is no longer a moss-free stone. That poor littl e stone is a picture o f deca y an d neglect . 'A rolling ston e gathers no moss' . Think about what that prover b i s trying to tell you. Before you start, I can assure yo u tha t i t ha s absolutel y nothin g t o d o wit h Mick Jagger' s gardenin g habits . T o me , an d don't correct m e i f I' m wrong , i t mean s that it' s good t o b e active, bot h physicall y an d mentally . Do yo u eve r thin k abou t ho w wonderfu l i t woul d be no t t o hav e t o d o anything ? Imagin e yoursel f i n your ow n littl e paradis e - a life dedicated t o pleasur e and relaxation . For me, this islan d of contentment ha s no books to mark, no lessons to prepare, no queues at the photocopier , n o ironin g boards , n o washin g up , no dentist s .. . I coul d g o o n fo r days , bu t I'v e go t a lesson with Yea r 1 1 and I couldn't bea r to disappoin t them. This islan d i s always sunn y an d warm . There's an endles s suppl y o f life' s essentials : bee f wit h gree n peppers an d blac k bea n sauce, barbecued spar e ribs, Quick Bre w teabags, sherbet fountains , Frenc h brea d and rar e fille t steak . Th e wave s ar e gentl y lappin g onto th e beach . Th e atmospher e i s cal m an d soothing. Bruc e Willi s pop s aroun d occasionall y i n his apron to vacuum the beac h and dust off the pal m trees. What woul d you r islan d o f contentmen t b e like ? It can b e howeve r yo u wish . Th e onl y requiremen t would b e that you don't hav e to do anything. Idleness and enjoymen t ar e compulsor y o n thi s island . Alternatively, thin k abou t ho w differen t schoo l would b e i f yo u didn' t hav e t o d o anything . On e rainy Monda y morning , suc h a s this one , you've go t 40

Two Example s o f Teacher-based Assemblie s eight test s an d a quadrupl e sessio n o f you r wors t subject. M r Thoma s enter s th e schoo l fo r assembl y and says : 'I'm sorry , there' s bee n a terribl e mistake . We've go t i t all wrong. The teachers an d I would lik e to take this opportunity t o apologise to all pupils for all the tediou s an d time-consumin g lesson s an d home work we'v e give n yo u i n th e past. ' Th e ne w schoo l motto i s Labora est, 'wor k i s unnecessary' . H e the n outlines th e ne w schoo l curriculum . Her e ar e th e details o f a few subjects : I'l l star t with French , as that is the mos t importan t subject . Frenc h i s a roun d th e clock extravaganz a o f 'Lotto' . Rea l mone y i s stake d and everyone wins because you can cheat if you want to. French i s followed b y geography, i n which yo u are given a ma p wit h direction s t o you r favourit e shopping centre . I n math s you'r e give n som e spending mone y t o count . Lati n i s a non-sto p tog a party, hosted b y Mr Williams - n o change there then! And, well, histor y i s history ! Publicity expert s woul d floo d t o th e schoo l wit h a ready-made marketin g strategy . The y woul d onl y have t o mak e mino r change s t o famou s advertisin g slogans: 'Happiness i s a school calle d [...]. ' '[...] - eigh t ou t o f te n pupi l owner s wh o expressed a preferenc e sai d thei r chil d preferre d it' '[...] - th e school that like s to say: 'Yes!" (but only if you wan t i t to).' 'New [... ] Powe r biologicall y remove s al l tha t hard-to-shift prin t tha t other s leav e behind . Give s 41

Assemblies Mad e Eas y your textbooks, timetables and reports that special bluey whiteness. ' You ma y thin k I'v e com e a lon g wa y fro m rollin g stones. However , thin k lon g enoug h an d deepl y enough abou t an y situatio n i n whic h yo u don' t have to d o anything. Eventually, you will conclud e that you would b e bored . Ver y bored . Ther e woul d b e n o reason a t all for gettin g u p i n the morning . Your day s would becom e empty . Yo u woul d b e lik e tha t poor , dejected, moss-gathering stone . Boredom i s at bes t a bad thin g and , a t worst , dangerous . Boredo m lead s people t o d o thing s tha t the y woul d never d o i f the y led fulfilling an d activ e lives . A combinatio n o f intellectua l stimulatio n an d physical exercis e i s vitally important i f w e ar e to liv e life to the full. M r Williams, a superb sportsma n an d a fine classica l scholar , i s living (just! ) proo f o f this. Whether you'r e a ston e o r not , intellectua l stimu lation i s essential i n order to avoi d the encroachmen t of th e dreade d moss . I' m no t onl y talkin g abou t schoolwork. Afte r all : Too muc h wor k make s Jac k a dull boy, ' a s anothe r prover b goes . No , I' m thinkin g about interest s yo u ma y have : music , art , trainspot ting, th e histor y o f anoraks , pedigre e woodlous e breeding - absolutel y anything] Havin g interest s makes yo u a mor e interesting person . I t mean s tha t when you've finished your schoolwork , you don't tur n into a n utte r blob ! That's brutal , I know, bu t let' s fac e it: i f you'r e bored , you're probabl y prett y borin g too . Physical exercise i s also important . I am convince d that the reason some of you find i t difficult to sit still in lessons i s tha t you'r e simpl y to o ful l o f energ y t o si t 42

Two Example s o f Teacher-base d Assemblie s down. Ther e I am , attempting t o pas s o n th e joy s o f the perfec t tens e or campsite French , and you woul d much rathe r b e runnin g aroun d outside . And , wh y not? Wha t i f yo u ha d bee n runnin g aroun d before hand? A goo d vigorou s cross-countr y scampe r (fiv e miles perhaps? ) befor e th e intellectua l delight s o f lessons? A n excellent idea ! Afterwards , you' d b e nicely sedate d an d you r littl e gre y cell s woul d b e poised an d read y fo r action . Wha t i s more , som e o f you wouldn' t loo k an d fee l a s i f yo u nee d oxyge n o r emergency resuscitatio n upo n reachin g th e first floor ! Remember that pag e at the end of your reports that you hav e to complete ? Yo u recor d th e detail s o f you r extra-curricular activitie s an d achievements . Som e o f you hav e wide-ranging interest s an d fin d i t difficul t t o fit the m al l o n th e page . Think o f peopl e i n your yea r who ar e like that. Think o f them a s 'moss-free stones' . They ar e neve r bored . The y ar e th e one s wh o ar e interested an d enthusiastic . A s a result , the y ar e interesting an d inspir e enthusias m i n others . No t onl y are the y mor e likel y t o b e successful , but , fa r mor e importantly, the y ar e mor e likel y t o b e happ y an d fulfilled. Are you lik e that? O r are you thi s person : you struggle fo r hour s t o fil l i n tha t pag e o n you r report ; eventually, you com e u p wit h 'watchin g television ' or 'recreational breathing' . D o you experienc e emotiona l trauma and/o r a sever e physica l reactio n i f yo u mis s your favourit e televisio n programm e o r someon e dares t o sugges t yo u d o somethin g t o hel p aroun d the house ? Are yo u a 'moss-prone stone ? [I ended with another reading from Th e Prophe t about work. A reflection on the importance of leading life to the full followed.] 43

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6

The Clas s Act: Example s of Clas s Assemblies

Much o f th e advic e give n fo r teacher-centre d assemblies applie s t o class-base d assemblie s a s well. Doing a n assembl y wit h you r clas s ca n b e a grea t bonding experience , providin g yo u involv e everybody from th e outset . As far a s possible, let the m naturall y fall int o th e rol e wit h whic h the y fee l mos t comfortable - makin g props , lookin g afte r th e script s and s o on . Tr y t o ensur e everyone ha s a speakin g part. Class size s var y enormously , s o I'v e bullet-pointe d the part s whereve r feasible . I hav e kep t stag e directions t o a minimum , becaus e I hav e n o ide a where thes e assemblie s wil l b e performed . I haven' t made extensiv e list s o f prop s becaus e it' s u p t o yo u how elaborat e yo u mak e you r performance . M y advice i s t o kee p the m t o a minimu m - i f i t ca n g o wrong, i t wil l do !

Racism This assembl y ca n b e don e a t an y tim e durin g th e school year . However , th e secon d Sunda y o f September i s 'Racia l Justic e Sunday' , whic h aim s t o

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y make peopl e mor e awar e o f th e issue s surroundin g racial justice. Cast MARTIN LUTHE R KIN G NARRATOR

Up t o 13 othe r pupil s

[MARTIN LUTHER KING is sitting at a desk writing in a prison cell] 'Injustice anywher e i s a threat t o justic e everywhere. ' Let u s g o bac k i n tim e t o 1 963. W e ar e i n th e Unite d States o f America . Dr Marti n Luthe r King , a campaigner fo r racia l equality , is i n jail i n Birmingham , Alabama. On 1 6th April , from hi s priso n cell , Marti n Luthe r Kin g wrote: NARRATOR I a m i n Birmingha m becaus e injustic e i s here . We hav e waite d fo r mor e tha n 34 0 year s fo r ou r constitutional an d God-give n rights . The nation s o f Asi a and Afric a ar e movin g wit h jet-lik e spee d toward s gaining politica l independence , bu t w e stil l cree p a t horse-and-buggy pac e toward gettin g a cup o f coffee a t a lunc h counter . Perhap s i t i s eas y fo r thos e wh o hav e never fel t th e stingin g dar k o f segregatio n t o say , 'Wait.' NARRATOR Bu t whe n yo u hav e see n viciou s mob s lync h your mother s an d father s a t will an d drow n you r sister s and brother s a t whim ; whe n yo u hav e see n hate-fille d policemen curse , kic k an d eve n kil l you r blac k brother s and sisters : whe n yo u se e th e vas t majorit y o f you r twenty millio n Negr o brother s smotherin g i n an air-tigh t

46

The Clas s Act cage of povert y i n the mids t o f an affluent society ; when you suddenl y find your tongu e twisted an d your speec h stammering a s you see k t o explai n t o you r six-year-ol d daughter wh y sh e can' t g o t o th e publi c amusemen t park that ha s just bee n advertised o n television, and see tears wellin g u p i n he r eye s whe n sh e i s tol d tha t Funtown i s close d t o coloure d children , an d se e ominous cloud s o f inferiorit y beginnin g t o for m i n he r little menta l sky , an d se e he r beginnin g t o distor t he r personality b y developin g a n unconsciou s bitternes s toward whit e people ; whe n you hav e t o concoc t a n answer t o you r five-year-ol d so n wh o i s asking: 'Daddy, wh y d o whit e people trea t coloure d people s o mean?'; NARRATOR Whe n you tak e a cross-country driv e an d fin d i t necessary t o slee p nigh t afte r nigh t i n th e uncomfor table corner s o f you r automobil e becaus e n o mote l wil l accept you; when you are humiliated da y in and day out by naggin g sign s readin g 'white ' an d 'coloured' ; whe n your firs t nam e become s 'nigger' , you r middl e nam e becomes 'boy ' (howeve r ol d you are ) an d you r las t name become s 'John' , an d you r wif e an d mothe r ar e never give n th e respecte d titl e 'Mrs' ; whe n you ar e harried by day and haunte d b y night b y the fact that you are a Negro , livin g constantl y a t tipto e stance , neve r quite knowin g wha t t o expec t next , an d ar e plague d with inne r fears and outer resentments ; when you kno w forever fightin g a degeneratin g 'nobodiness ' the n you will understan d wh y w e fin d i t difficul t t o wait . Martin Luthe r Kin g wa s i n jai l becaus e h e wa s protesting abou t racia l injustice . How muc h d o yo u thin k th e worl d ha s changed ? [At this point recent press cuttings could be used to

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y illustrate examples of racial injustice and their consequences. The issues of racial violence and the plight of refugees and asylum seekers could be raised] It i s importan t tha t w e remembe r tha t racia l injustic e i s not onl y abou t statistic s an d sensationalis t pres s cover age. It i s about rea l peopl e an d ho w the y ar e treated. And ho w w e trea t eac h other . Baroness Amos , wh o represente d Britai n a t a con ference i n Sout h Afric a said : The multicultura l natur e o f Britis h societ y i s on e o f th e first thing s you notic e whe n yo u arriv e i n th e UK . Ou r culture i s bor n o f th e talent s an d creativit y o f man y different group s - White , Black , Asia n an d othe r minorities. I n Londo n alone , nearl y 20 0 language s other tha n Englis h ar e spoken . A quarte r o f London' s school pupil s spea k a languag e othe r tha n Englis h a t home. Racis m i s a reality tha t affect s u s all. It manifest s itself i n differen t ways , i n differen t part s o f th e world . I t can b e direc t o r indirect , individua l o r institutional. '

Girl Power : an assembly t o mar k International Women' s Da y Cast Up t o 2 5 pupil s What d o you d o i f your dishwashe r break s down ? Divorce her . What doe s i t mea n i f you r wif e serve s you breakfas t i n bed?

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The Clas s Act The chai n i s too long . Why haven' t the y sen t man y wome n t o th e moon ? Because i t doesn' t nee d cleanin g yet . Behind thes e joke s w e wan t t o brin g you a seriou s message. Many wome n al l ove r th e worl d ar e victim s o f exploitation an d discrimination . Every singl e minut e a woman die s i n childbirth . Women ar e mor e a t ris k fro m HI V infectio n tha n men . HIV-infected wome n i n Afric a no w outnumbe r HIV infected me n b y a massive tw o million . As man y wome n di e fro m violenc e a s from cancer . One woman i n three will experience violence durin g he r lifetime. 60 pe r cen t o f th e world' s poo r ar e women . Two third s o f illiterat e people ar e women . 350 millio n wome n d o no t hav e acces s t o contra ception. Only on e woma n i n eigh t ha s a politica l franchise . Despite the fact that girls outperform boy s at school, their earning powe r i s significantly les s than tha t o f boys . Today, t o mar k Internationa l Women' s Day , we wis h t o celebrate th e achievement s o f wome n wh o hav e overcome adversity , prejudic e an d difficulty . They hav e learn t ho w t o lead . They us e thei r gift s t o thei r ful l potential .

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y They ar e equa l partner s i n endeavourin g t o mak e thi s world a better place . [At this stage, you could either outline the lives of some outstanding women or ask pupils to make brief presentations about women they admire, famous or unknown, contemporary or historical. For example, a local business woman, nurse, social worker, relation, Ellen Macarthur, Evelyn Glennie, Paula Radcliffe, Emma Richards, J.K. Rowling, Rosa Parks, Mother Theresa, Queen Elizabeth I, Joan of Arc, Elizabeth Fry, Edith Cave//. Florence Nightingale, Beatrix Potter...] Women ha d a n importan t par t t o pla y i n th e Christia n story. Mary wa s chose n t o b e hi s mother . And i t wa s wome n wh o discovere d tha t h e ha d rise n from th e dead . [You could follow this with readings from the Bible - Luke 1:28-33, Matthew 28:1, 5-8]

The Hind u festival O f Dival i [This Hindu festival is celebrated in November but the assembly can be performed at any time of the year to symbolize the triumph of good over evil, or light over darkness. You could also make links with other religions' festivals in which light and hope play an important part (Hanukah and Christmas, for example)] Cast RAMA FAW

N

SITA HANUMA

N

RAVANA VARIOU

S ANIMAL S

Up t o 12 othe r pupil s

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The Clas s Ac t Props Divali lights/te a light s [ To make Divali lamps: Take some plasticine, salt dough or clay. Form an oval shape with a flat bottom and stick a candle or night light in one end. Leave to harden if necessary. More elaborate versions can be made if time allows] NARRATOR Lon g ago, in India, there live d a good kin g calle d Rama. [Enter Rama] RAMA I a m a good kin g calle d Rama . NARRATOR Ram a ha d a beautifu l wif e calle d Sita . [Enter Sita] SITA Doe s m y bu m loo k bi g i n this ? RAMA Wha t bum , m y sweet ? NARRATOR The y live d i n a forest an d mad e friend s wit h al l the animals . [Enter a selection of ANIMALS with whom RAMA and SITA shake hands. The ANIMALS sit down] NARRATOR Al l was well unti l Ravana , the demon king , came along. H e was struc k b y Sita' s beauty . [Enter RAVANA. The animals flinch] RAVANA Haven' t I see n you somewher e before ? SITA Yes , that's wh y I don' t g o ther e anymore . RAVANA I woul d g o t o th e end s o f th e eart h fo r you . SITA Yes , bu t woul d you sta y there ? RAVANA You r plac e o r mine ? SITA Both . You g o t o your s an d I'l l g o t o mine . NARRATOR Ravan a realize d tha t hi s boyis h charms di d no t seem t o b e havin g th e desire d effect . So , knowing tha t Sita wa s a n anima l lover , h e conjure d u p a fawn.

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y [Enter a FAWN , SITA is captivated. ]

SITA Wha t a lovely fawn ! [The FAWN runs off stage. Exit all the ANIMALS] SITA Rama ! The fawn ha s gorn! Wher e ca n it be? RAMA N o idea, deer. SITA Fallo w tha t fawn ! [Exit RAMA, chasing the FAWN]

NARRATOR Ram a chase d the fawn bu t was soon los t In the forest. Ravana seized his opportunity an d took Sit a off to his castle . [Exit RAVANA and SITA ]

NARRATOR Whe n Ram a returned , h e was horrifie d t o see that Sit a ha d disappeared. [Enter RAMA]

RAMA H i honey! I' m home ! O h no! Where i s she? NARRATOR Hanuman , th e kin g o f th e monkeys , sai d h e would help . [Enter HANUMAN] HANUMAN I'l l help ! [Exit HANUMAN and RAMA]

NARRATOR Ram a gathere d hi s army of animals an d heade d for Ravana' s castle . Hanuman wen t t o see Sita and told her she' d soo n b e safe. HANUMAN [from offstage] You'l l soo n b e safe. [Enter RAVANA, followed by RAMA and the ANIMALS.]

RAVANA O h look! A travelling circus! You don't stand a chance! RAMA Goo d wil l triump h ove r evil .

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The Clas s Act RAVANA S o where ar e you r armies ? RAMA U p m y sleevies !

[Enter some PARROTS who attack RAVANA and defeat him. Exit RAVANA. Enter SITA who embraces RAMA. RAMA

shakes hands with the PARROTS to thank them]

RAMA Than k goodnes s for the parrotroopers ! Yo u deserv e a sla p u p meal. [He hands the PARROTS some Pollyfilia. They exit] SITA Polygon ! [Exit RAMA and SITA and all the ANIMALS]

NARRATOR Ram a an d Sit a returne d to their kingdom . Good had triumphe d ove r evil . Whe n the y go t home i t was very lat e an d s o it was reall y dark . Al l the people put little light s i n their hom e s o that Ram a an d Sit a coul d find thei r wa y home . [Enter whole class, carrying divas] These littl e light s ar e calle d divas . There i s a festival calle d Divali . Divali i s a festival o f lights. It last s betwee n thre e an d fiv e days . Divali mean s 'cluste r o f lights'. It is celebrated b y Hindus an d Sikhs . The stor y o f Rama an d Sit a i s told a t Divali. It i s the story o f goo d triumphin g ove r evil , ligh t ove r darkness. Places can be dark, but our live s can also feel dark when we ar e sa d or frightened.

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y • Whe n goo d thing s happe n i n our lives , we fee l brighter , as i f a ligh t ha s bee n turne d on . • Fo r man y people , Dival i i s als o th e beginnin g o f a ne w year. • It' s a time fo r plans , ne w start s an d hope .

Always loo k o n the brigh t sid e o f lif e Cast POSITIVE BEYON NEGATIVE U

D HOPE p t o 2 0 Othe r pupil s

Props Glass o f coloure d drin k Mobil e phon e Tape recorde r Pe n Recording o f 'Alway s loo k Camer a on th e brigh t sid e o f life ' Fl y swa t (cut ou t th e naught y bits! ) Rubbe r band s [Play 'Always look on the bright side of life'as pupils enter] Good morning . Welcome t o Yea r 8 assembly .

[if sunny] And wha t a lovel y da y i t i s too.

[if raining] And what a lovely day i t is too. It may b e raining, but I' m sure th e su n wil l com e ou t later . We may hav e quadrupl e Maths , BC G injection s an d dead shee p ste w fo r lunc h today , bu t I' m sur e it'l l b e a fun-filled, formativ e an d fascinatin g day . Th e tim e wil l fly b y and , befor e w e kno w it , i t wil l b e tim e t o g o home.

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The Clas s Ac t ALL Hurray ! Our them e toda y is : Think positive' . In almos t ever y situatio n w e face , ther e i s a positiv e side .. . [Enter POSITIVE, looking happy] and a negativ e side . [Enter NEGATIVE, looking miserable] Some people ar e naturall y optimistic . [POSITIVE stands forward and points at half a glass of drink, placed prominently on the stage] POSITIVE Tha t glas s i s hal f full . Some people ar e naturall y pessimistic . [NEGATIVE stands forward and points at the glass] NEGATIVE Tha t glas s i s hal f empty . And, sadly , some people ar e beyon d hope . [Enter BEYOND HOPE, who points at the glass.] BEYOND HOP E Tha t glas s i s cracked! However ba d a proble m ma y seem , ther e i s usuall y a positive wa y o f lookin g a t it . [POSITIVE looks smug. NEGATIVE looks sulky. BEYOND HOPE walks off] In th e word s o f th e twentieth-centur y ico n an d philosopher, David Essex , 'Every clou d ha s a silver lining' .

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y • Fo r example , her e w e al l ar e o n [insert date]. En d o f year exam s ar e loomin g o n th e horizon . POSITIVE I ca n onl y d o m y best . A t leas t i t wil l b e th e summer holiday s soon . NEGATIVE I' m goin g t o fail ! • Imagin e you'v e jus t spli t u p wit h th e lov e o f you r life . POSITIVE O h well . I t wasn' t mean t t o be . There ar e plent y more fis h i n the sea . NEGATIVE I can' t liv e withou t him ! Remember the old cliche, you wait for a bus for a n hour and the n thre e com e along ? NEGATIVE Wh y d o the y alway s com e i n threes ? POSITIVE O h good , I get t o choose ! Imagine anothe r scenario . You ar e trappe d i n a lift . NEGATIVE O h no ! I'l l neve r ge t ou t o f her e alive ! POSITIVE Brilliant ! I'v e alway s wanted t o b e trapped i n a lift! ALL Why ? [Lights out. A group of pupils arrange themselves on the stage, as if they are trapped in a lift. They mime the activities that POSITIVE is about to describe. Lights on] POSITIVE I'v e alway s wanted t o tr y ou t m y being-trapped-in a-lift trick s an d I' d hav e a captive audience . What woul d you do ? POSITIVE I' d cal l th e Psychi c Hotlin e fro m m y mobil e an d ask i f the y kno w whic h floo r I' m on ; swa t a t flie s tha t didn't exist ; shoo t rubbe r band s a t everyone ; brin g a camera an d tak e picture s o f everyone , and stan d i n th e corner readin g a phone book and laughin g uproariously . You're alway s laughing .

56

The Clas s Act [Lights out. Pupils regroup for final section] Recent researc h i n gelatology , th e scienc e o f laughter , has show n tha t laughte r i s an all-roun d health y sport . A sor t o f interna l jogging . Twenty second s o f laughte r i s equivalen t t o thre e minutes o f rowing . A smil e increase s th e fac e valu e o f a person. Medically an d biologically , a smile i s healthy . It onl y require s 1 2 facia l muscle s t o smil e an d 1 5 t o laugh. Frownin g use s 1 13 facial muscles . Laughter i s the bes t medicine . Here ar e th e physiologica l benefit s o f laughter . It reduce s th e level s o f stres s hormones , Which boost s th e immun e system . It lessen s bloo d pressur e an d hear t rate . It clear s th e respirator y tract . It give s th e muscle s i n you r diaphragm , face, bac k an d respiratory syste m a workout . Psychologically, laughte r lift s u s u p ou t o f ou r poo l o f problems an d allow s u s t o gai n a ne w insight . A share d jok e give s u s a sense o f belonging . We ar e i n contro l whethe r w e kno w i t o r not . We ca n b e positiv e o r negative , enthusiastic o r dull , active o r passive .

57

Assemblies Mad e Eas y Abraham Lincol n said: 'Most folks are about as happy as they mak e u p thei r mind s t o be' . This i s no t a rehearsal. This i s life. Enjoy! [A reflection on the importance of living life to the full follows. Play 'Always look on the bright side of life' as pupils exit]

Don't judge b y appearance s Cast

CONTESTANT 1: stereotypicall y Frenc h CONTESTANT 2: stereotypicall y dum b blon d CONTESTANT 3 : stereotypicall y local , speak s wit h a n exag geratedly thic k accent . CILLA BLAC K

LEONARD: not th e sharpes t knif e i n th e drawe r Up t o 2 7 othe r pupil s Welcome t o Yea r 9 assembly . For th e firs t tim e i n livin g memory , ou r schoo l i s establishing a schoo l counci l A (general , council ) election i s about t o tak e place . Every pupi l i n thi s schoo l wil l b e allowe d t o vot e fo r a class representative/Everyon e ove r th e ag e o f 18 wil l be abl e t o choos e a politicia n t o represen t them , providing they hav e UK citizenship and are not i n prison. In selectin g ou r representatives , we'l l hav e t o mak e choices an d judgements abou t othe r people . Following th e elections , w e wil l hav e t o accep t th e consequences o f ou r choice s an d judgements .

58

The Clas s Act Almost ever y minut e o f ever y day , w e hav e t o mak e judgements abou t othe r people . Often, ou r judgement s ar e base d o n The wa y the y speak , The wa y the y look , The wa y the y walk , The wa y the y behave , The ca r the y drive , Where the y liv e And eve n th e footbal l tea m the y support . To illustrat e th e issue s o f judgements , choice s an d consequences, Yea r 9 production s PL C brings yo u tw o live, exclusiv e edition s o f Blind Date. [Lights out. Lights on] CILLA Goo d evenin g chooks , an d welcom e t o thi s week' s Blind Date. We'r e gonn a hav e a lorra lorr a laughs . Let' s go an d mee t th e contestants . What' s you r nam e an d where d o you com e from ? CONTESTANT 1 E r .. . bonjour . Bof ! Pap a .. . Nicole . J e m'appelle Marie-Clair e e t j'habit e e n France . I ea t ze e smelly cheese . CILLA Oo h er . Hiy a Mane-C/er from C/er-monX Ferran d o n Fronts. And where' s l a Fronts , Mane-C/er? CONTESTANT 1 C e n'es t pa s l a Fronts , c'est l a France . CILLA Alright , Cler, keep ye r er on . Auf Wiedersehen , pet . CONTESTANT 1 Hein ? CILLA An d no w fo r gorgeou s Contestan t Numbe r Two . What's you r nam e an d wher e d o you com e from ? CONTESTANT 2 M y name' s Barbie . I have one brai n cel l - a s

59

Assemblies Mad e Eas y a blond, that make s m e 'gifted ' - an d I live in this bi g .. . er... hous e thing . You know , with a roof an d window s and a littl e doo r thin g .. . wit h a Porsch e outside . CILLA S o you're a bit Porsche , are you chook ? CONTESTANT 2 No , Wesley gav e i t t o m e t o celebrat e ou r time together . CILLA Whic h anniversar y wa s it ? [CONTESTANT 2 counts on fingers] CONTESTANT 2 Thre e days . CILLA Wa s i t th e whee l thing ? CONTESTANT 2 No . I go t tyre d o f him . H e drov e m e craz y and th e ca r clashe d wit h hi s hair . CILLA Clashe d wit h hi s er? I' m gobsmacked . Well , chook , let's hop e we ca n steer you i n the righ t directio n tonigh t along th e highwa y o f happiness . And o n t o Contestan t Number Three . What' s you r nam e an d wher e d o you come from ? CONTESTANT 3 I' m Irene . An d I' m fro m roun d her e [insert the name of a place that is generally looked down on in your area], t o b e precise . [CILLA looks at her as if she's something that's been trodden into her favourite shagpile] CILLA No w tha t we'v e me t al l the contestants , let' s g o over to the lucky la d who ha s to choose between these three lovely ladies . Hello, chook, what's your nam e and wher e do yo u com e from ? LEONARD M y name' s Leonar d and I live with m y Mum . She cooks m y dinner . CILLA S o what d o you lik e t o eat , Aer-ned ? LEONARD E r .. . well , mainl y food . CILLA S o fire awa y wit h you r question , Ler-ned. LEONARD Hell o girls . CONTESTANTS Hiya , Ler-ned.

60

The Clas s Act LEONARD I wann a kno w wha t yo u lik e doin g afte r you r dinner. An d thi s on e goe s t o Contess a Numbe r One . CONTESTANT 1 J e n e comprend s pas . LEONARD Phwoa r .. . a Swede . I lov e swed e fo r m y dinner . Contessa Numbe r Two ? CONTESTANT 2 Dinner ? I le t hi m pa y .. . yo u kno w . . . th e . . . e r . . . bil l - tha t piec e o f pape r yo u ge t fo r fre e afte r th e latte. LEONARD That' s coo l babe . Contess a Numbe r . . . Five . CILLA Sorry , chook , there' s onl y three . LEONARD Righ t .. . e r . . . Contess a Numbe r . . . nex t on e then. CONTESTANT 3 Can' t remembe r th e question . LEONARD M e neither .

[Lights out. Exit LEONARD. Lights on]

As you ma y hav e noticed , w e hav e selecte d an d genetically modifie d ou r character s ver y carefully . W e had a Frenc h person , a blon d an d a loca l perso n fo r local people .. . o r at least , that's wha t yo u though t the y were. They wer e instantl y recognizable , becaus e the y wer e stereotypes. Marie-Claire is , in fact , from Glasgow . Our blon d i s a brain surgeon . Our [insert name of place] residen t i s the Queen' s corg i assistant, an d live s i n Windsor . Leonard can' t join u s because he' s flown bac k to NASA . And, Cili a isn' t reall y Cilla . [Everyone gasps in horror] So, appearances ca n b e deceptive .

61

Assemblies Mad e Eas y We hope d t o mak e yo u question th e way you judg e other people . As th e famou s Nativ e America n sayin g goes : 'Neve r judge a ma n unti l you'v e walke d a mil e i n hi s moccasins.' As Antoin e d e Saint-Exuper y said : 'L'essentie l es t invisible au x yeux.' What i s essential i s invisible t o the eyes. [Follow this with a reflection on the theme of the assembly. Ask one of your pupils to write it]

A light-hearte d loo k at school rule s Cast MISS TAKE LAZ

Y PUPI L

MISS BEHAVIOU R DISORGANIZE

D PUPI L

MISS CHIE F LAT

E PUPIL

UNTIDY PUPI L U

p t o 2 9 othe r pupil s

Props A ver y mess y school bag , containing a blackish banana . [Ask a colleague to introduce the assembly on your behalf. Rows of empty chairs should be placed on the stage. Your pupils should initially be sitting at the very front of the audience. As they say their lines, they come and sit on the chairs on the stage] COLLEAGUE Goo d mornin g everybody . SCHOOL Goo d morning , Mr(s ) [insert name]. COLLEAGUE Thi s morning , Yea r 9 ar e goin g t o tak e assembly. What assembly ?

62

The Clas s Act [insert your name] didn' t tel l us . Typical. I've don e i t bu t I haven' t go t th e shee t wit h me . Our do g at e mine . My brothe r at e mine . I don' t thin k w e shoul d hav e t o d o assembl y anyway . ALL Yeah. I've bough t a not e i n fro m m y mum . I though t assembl y wa s nex t week . [looking in pockets] It' s her e somewhere . [yawning] I s i t hom e time ? I can' t b e bothere d t o ge t i t ou t o f m y bag . I'm a septic anyway . Don't you mea n a sceptic? [faces audience] E r ... hell o .. . an d welcom e t o Yea r 9 assembly. Actually , it' s no t Yea r 9 assembly . W e jus t don't hav e the time, energy or inclination to be bothered with suc h matters . Al l tha t research , note-taking , preparation and , let' s fac e it , effort. [Rest of c/ass look totally baffled by such a concept]. It' s just no t our thing. Instead, we'v e employe d thre e freelanc e assembl y artistes t o tak e th e strain . [Enter three pupils dressed as teachers] Let u s introduc e yo u to, Mis s Take .. . MISS TAK E Goo d mornin g everyone . SCHOOL Goo d morning . Mis s Take.

63

Assemblies Mad e Eas y • Mis s Behaviou r ... Miss BEHAVIOUR Goo d mornin g everyone . SCHOOL Goo d morning , Mis s Behaviour . And finally , Mis s Chief . MISS CHIEF Yo ! SCHOOL Yo , Miss Chief . Sadly, Miss Ingyoualread y can' t b e with u s this morning. She can' t b e bothered to get out of bed an d late r she' s going shopping . [All three teachers shake their heads in disapproval and make tutting noises] MISS TAK E Thi s take s u s neatl y t o ou r them e fo r thi s morning: sloth. Miss BEHAVIOUR Sadly , for those biology enthusiasts amon g us, b y 'sloth ' w e do not mean th e long-haired, slo w moving arborea l mamma l tha t inhabit s th e Sout h American continent . Miss CHIE F No, no, no! Sloth ha s more t o d o wit h the coloured an d gel haired, slo w movin g [insert name of school] pupi l tha t inhabit s thi s ver y building . Miss TAKE On e of the seven deadly sins, 'sloth' is defined as MISS BEHAVIOUR A noun, meaning ... MISS CHIEF Laziness , Miss TAKE O r indolence. Miss BEHAVIOUR However , wit h th e scientific precisio n tha t characterizes professional s suc h a s ourselves, we have isolated fou r mai n symptoms , al l to o commonl y [shaking finger] manifeste d b y th e [insert name of school] pupil . MISS CHIE F Untidines s [points to UNTIDY PUPIL],

MISS TAKE Lazines s [points to LAZY PUPIL],

64

The Clas s Act MISS BEHAVIOU R Disorganizatio n [points

to

DISORGANIZED

PUPIL],

MISS TAKE An d lateness [points to empty chair]. MISS CHIE F I n common wit h ou r colleagues [gestures to teachers and winks at them], w e want assemblie s to be life-changing, MISS TAKE Earth-shattering , MISS BEHAVIOU R And , abov e all ,

Miss CHIEF Ed-u-cat-ion-a l MISS TAK E Experiences .

Miss BEHAVIOU R Th e word education , a s we all know, is derived fro m th e Latin word . MISS CHIE F 'Ed-u-ce-re' ,

MISS TAK E Meanin g 't o lead out of .

Miss BEHAVIOUR W e hope to lead you out o f MISS CHIE F Un-ti-di-nes s [points to UNTIDY PUPIL]

MISS BEHAVIOUR An d OUt Of

MISS CHIE F La-zi-nes s [points to LAZY PUPIL]

MISS BEHAVIOUR An d out of MISS CHIEF Dis-or-ga-ni-za-tion [points to DISORGANIZED PUPIL] MISS BEHAVIOU R A n d OUt Of

MISS CHIE F Late-nes s [points to empty chair] MISS TAK E W e hope t o create a scholastic communit y of tidy, punctual , dynamic an d thrusting individuals. ALL THREE TEACHERS W i c k e d ! ALL THREE TEACHERS

Listen no w to our verse, For the untidy, lat e and lazy. They d o not pull thei r weight , They driv e thei r teacher s crazy . MISS BEHAVIOU R [to LAZYPUP/L] [insert name], where' s you r homework, dear ? LAZY PUPIL I canno t see m to find i t here. Alas, alack , oh woe is me , I did no t do my history.

65

Assemblies Mad e Eas y Miss BEHAVIOU R I t wa s lat e las t wee k a s well . LAZY PUPI L O h hus h no w Miss , pleas e don' t yell . Miss CHIEF [to UNTIDY PUPIL] [insert name] tuc k you r shir t in! UNTIDY PUPIL D o I hav e t o Miss ? M y hand s ar e hurting . Miss CHIEF D o i t now , mak e m e happy , Don't rol l i t up ! Mak e i t snappy ! Miss BEHAVIOUR [to LAZYPUP/L] Of

f yo u g o t o fu n P.E

LAZY PUPI L O h dea r I hav e n o ki t wit h me . I hav e a not e fro m m y mumm y WHOLE CLASS I t say s sh e ha s a runn y tummy ! MISS CHIE F [to

UNTIDY

MISS TAKE [to

DISORGANIZED PUPIL]

.

PUP/L]

Is that lipstic k roun d you r bucca l cavity ? How coul d yo u sin k t o suc h depravity ? LAZY PUPI L Sorry , Miss , no w d o kee p calm , My mothe r say s I mus t us e balm . Miss CHIEF I believ e tha t that' s long-las h mascar a LAZY PUPI L O h now , Mis s C , you're goin g to o fara . Come b y 'er e m y ange l From you r ba g dot h com e a smell. DISORGANIZED PUPIL I thin k you'l l fin d tha t it' s a banana , All th e wa y fro m Frenc h Guyana . It go t squashe d withi n m y file , I thin k it' s bee n ther e fo r a while . MISS TAKE

Rotting frui t i s quit e obscene . Your schoo l ba g shoul d b e squeak y clean . [LATEPUPIL rushes in]

MISS TAKE O h [insert name], lat e again ! LATE PUPI L Wha t a fuss, it' s onl y ten ! Sorry, Miss. , I missed th e bus , And I do no t giv e a .. .

66

The Clas s Act WHOLE CLAS S Tinker' s cuss !

[All three teachers turn to face the audience] MISS TAK E Pleas e don' t b e late, untidy , lazy . You're wastin g tim e - don' t b e crazy! MISS BEHAVIOU R

The teacher s wan t t o hel p you learn, To pas s exam s an d earn, earn, earn! MISS CHIE F Yo u must wor k har d i n every lesson . As ou r head teacher' s alway s stressing . Miss TAKE You'l l ge t from lif e wha t you put in And slot h i s such a deadly sin. MISS BEHAVIOU R B y the horns, seiz e the bull. Live eac h momen t t o the full. Miss CHIEF Seiz e the day, savour th e minute, Take you r slot h an d go and bin it. [ Teachers turn to pupils who come and kneel in gratitude in front of them] Oh Mis s Tak e Oh Mis s Chie f You ar e so right We ar e feeling s o contrite. We believ e you , Mis s Behaviou r You lovel y teache r You utte r saviour . Although we'r e feelin g wea k an d trembly We'll g o and write ou r own assembly.

67

Assemblies Mad e Eas y

Laziness/sloth Cast GAME SHO W HOS T JUDG

E

CONTESTANT 1 U

p t o 1 5 othe r pupil s

CONTESTANT 2

Props Recording o f 'Lazy ' o r 'We'r e bus y doin g nothing' . A larg e sig n wit h th e wor d 'idle ' written o n it . Two schoo l bags , containing , amongs t othe r things , English dictionaries . A fan. A torch . A col d compress . [As the school enters the assembly hall, get the pupils to sing along with a recording of 'We're busy doing nothing'. If they are reluctant to sing, even at gunpoint, play 'Lazy'] Idle, adjectiv e [hold up sign with word 'idle' written] Not employed . Doing nothing . Useless. Not occupied . Unfruitful. Unprofitable. Of n o us e o r importance . For you r delectation . Yea r 8 ar e prou d t o presen t th e grand fina l o f ou r nationwid e competitio n t o fin d th e laziest perso n i n Britain . Yes, ladie s an d gentlemen , fro m th e thousand s o f

68

The Clas s Act contestants, we'r e no w down t o th e final two : [insert first name] totall y relaxe d [insert family name] an d [insert first name] anymor e lai d bac k an d s/he' d b e horizontal [insert family name]. Please welcom e ou r presenter , th e amazin g [insert name]. [All clap, and encourage audience to do the same] HOST Hell o an d welcome t o 'Bone Idl e 2004' . Roun d One is th e proverb s round . Questio n one . If a job s wort h doing, it' s worth .. . CONTESTANT 1 Gettin g someon e els e t o do it. HOST If a t first, you don't succee d .. . CONTESTANT 2 Giv e up .

HOST A n excellen t start . Right , Roun d Two . Our amazin g 'Bone Idl e Challenge' . Contestants , liste n up ! You are i n an English lesson [CONTESTANTS clutch heads in horror], and yo u can' t remembe r ho w to spel l a word . Mr(s) [insert name of English teacher] ha s mad e th e outrageous suggestio n tha t yo u loo k i t u p i n a dictionary. [Audience and CONTESTANTS clutch their heads in horror] HOST Thi s mammot h tas k mean s tha t yo u will hav e to : 1. Open you r bag. [Audience and CONTESTANTS gasp in horror. A pupil comes on and fans the CONTESTANTS, who are in obvious distress] HOST 2 . Look fo r your dictionary . [Audience and CONTESTANTS gasp in horror. A pupil comes on and checks their pulses] HOST 3 . Ope n it.

69

Assemblies Mad e Eas y [Audience and CONTESTANTS gasp in horror. A pupil comes on and shines a torch into the CONTESTANTS' eyes]

HOST 4 . Fin d th e word . [Audience and CONTESTANTS gasp in horror. A pupil enters and applies a cold compress to the CONTESTANTS' foreheads]

HOST 5 . Write i t down . [Audience and CONTESTANTS gasp in horror. Three pupils enter and administer first aid] HOST We'r e read y t o go . You hav e 3 0 seconds . [The drums roll. CONTESTANT S attempt each stage of the dictionary challenge but can't do it. To add a bit of humour, when they're looking in their bags, unusual objects could emerge. They could also really struggle to lift and open their dictionaries] HOST Stop ! Your tim e i s up! Now , ove r t o ou r judge, Nast y [insert name, preferably beginning with /?] , wh o wil l give he r view s o n tonight' s performances . JUDGE Thes e tw o 'people ' mak e a slu g loo k positivel y dynamic an d thrusting . The y hav e th e motivatio n an d energy o f a n amoeba . Yo u onl y ge t ou t o f lif e wha t you're prepare d to pu t in . Unless they're prepare d to pu t some effor t int o life , they'l l gro w u p t o b e a wast e o f space an d a drain o n worl d oxyge n supplies . [Audience claps] HOST Than k you , Nast y [insert name]. Ladie s an d gentle men, th e tim e ha s come . It' s you r chanc e t o vote . Wh o do yo u thin k deserve s th e titl e o f 'Bon e Idl e 2004 ? [insert name] totall y relaxe d [insert name] o r [insert name] an y more laid back and she'd be horizontal [insert name]? Let' s hav e a show o f hand s fo r [insert name]

70

The Clas s Act [Audience votes] HOST An d [insert name]. [Audience votes] HOST Ladie s an d gentlemen . 'Bon e Idl e 2004 ' i s [insert name]. [Audience claps] JUDGE Ladie s and gentlemen, you only liv e once. Life is not a rehearsal . Carp e diem ! Seiz e th e day ! Whateve r opportunities you'r e give n today , gra b them !

Respect for others Cast ANNE ROBINSO N 8

CONTESTANTS

BACKGROUND VOIC E 1 U

p t o 6 othe r pupil s

BACKGROUND VOICE 2

Good morning , and welcome t o Year 8' s assembly. Our them e thi s mornin g i s Non sibi, sed omnibus Not fo r oneself, bu t for all . To illustrat e th e importanc e o f puttin g other s befor e yourself Year 8 no w presen t a n exclusiv e editio n o f Th e Weakest Link' . [In Anne Robinson voice] Goodbye ! ANNE Goo d mornin g an d welcome t o The Weakest Link. There are eight people here , and up to £ 10,000 ca n be won. Onl y on e person her e ca n leave wit h th e money.

71

Assemblies Mad e Eas y The other s wil l leav e wit h nothing . Why? Becaus e the y will hav e bee n vote d of f a s th e weakes t link . It' s a s simple as that. Right , start the clock ! [insert name], wh y didn't th e chicke n cros s th e road ? CONTESTANT 1 Becaus e i t ha d gon e int o a Korma. ANNE Eggsactl y right , [insert name], nam e two day s of th e week beginnin g wit h 't \ CONTESTANT 2 E r .. . toda y an d tomorrow ? ANNE No , Tuesday an d Thursday , [insert name], CONTESTANT 3 Bank !

ANNE [insert name], wha t d o you kno w abou t th e Dea d Sea? CONTESTANT 3 I didn't eve n kno w i t wa s ill . ANNE It' s a n inlan d islan d se a o f 160,00 0 squar e mile s between south-eas t Europ e an d Asia , connected t o th e Aegean Se a by the Bosphorus , the sea of Marmora , and the Dardanelle s an d t o th e se a o f Azi v b y th e Kerc h Strait, [insert name], what' s a n archaeologist ? CONTESTANT 4 A perso n whos e caree r lie s i n ruins ? ANNE Correct ! [insert name] Wh y shouldn' t you tr y t o swim o n a full stomach ? CONTESTANT 5 Becaus e it' s easie r t o swi m o n a ful l swimming pool ? ANNE No . Becaus e i t ca n lea d t o muscula r cramps , drowning an d death . Nam e tw o pronouns . CONTESTANT 6 Who ? Me ? ANNE Correct ! [insert name], wha t doe s 'depend ' mean ? CONTESTANT 7 Th e en d o f th e swimmin g pool wit h mos t water? ANNE No ! To put trust in , rely on , be sure of, influence d by , resultant from , t o b e undecide d o r pending . Fro m th e Latin 'dependere ' t o han g from , [insert name], defin e the wor d 'elliptical' . CONTESTANT 8 Er.. . a kiss from a man wit h a moustache ? ANNE No ! I t mean s relatin g t o o r havin g th e shap e o f a n

72

The Clas s Ac t ellipse, whic h i s a close d coni c sectio n shape d lik e a flattened circl e an d formed b y an incline d plan e tha t does no t cut the base o f the cone. Wher e x square d over a squared plu s y squared over b squared, assuming 2a an d 2b ar e the length s o f th e mino r axes . Are a equals p i a b. [insert Contestant Ts name], complet e this quotatio n fro m th e Bible. 'It came to CONTESTANT 1 Pass . ANNE Correct ! [insert Contestant 2 s name], wha t d o yo u call a route through a range of mountaiuns wher e ther e is a gap between peaks ? CONTESTANT 2 Pass ! ANNE Correct ! [insert Contestant 4's name], i n sport, wha t do yo u call th e transfer o f a bal l fro m on e player t o another? CONTESTANT 4 Pass ! ANNE Correct ! [insert Contestant 3's name], The Wind in the Willows i s also know n a s Tales from the River... CONTESTANT 3 Bank ! ANNE Correct ! [insert Contestant [ The buzzer sounds to

5's

name], i n musi c .. .

signal the end of the round]

ANNE Time' s up ! I cannot finis h th e question. Well , team , you hav e won a measly £2 0 ou t of a possible £ 10,000. Hardly MENS A material , are you! DENSA, more like ! You make a breezebloc k loo k lik e a superio r lif e form ! It's time t o vote of f who yo u thin k i s the weakest link ! BACKGROUND VOIC E 1 Stotasticall y . . . stitostically , statisti -

cally ... , [insert Contestant 3's name], i s the strongest link, becaus e s/h e banked th e most money .

BACKGROUND VOIC E 2 Although , [insert names of Contest-

ants 1, 4 and 6] did answer thei r question s correctly . But wil l th e votes follo w th e facts? ANNE Right ! Pen s down ! Votin g over ! It' s time t o revea l who yo u thin k i s the weakes t link .

73

Assemblies Mad e Eas y [The CONTESTANTS write down their choices. In turn the pupils show their cards] CONTESTANT 1 CONTESTANT 2 CONTESTANT 3 CONTESTANT 4 CONTESTANT 5 CONTESTANT 6 CONTESTANT 7 CONTESTANT 8

Nobody Nobody Nobody Nobody Nobody Nobody Nobody Nobody

. . . . . . . .

ANNE [insert Contestant Is name], wh y nobody ? CONTESTANT 1 I f we wor k together , w e coul d probabl y wi n more mone y an d the n shar e it . ANNE [insert Contestant 2's name], wh y no t vot e of f [insert Contestant 7s name]. S/h e go t her/hi s questio n wrong. You don' t wan t a n inep t dunc e lik e that o n you r team! CONTESTANT 2 Whe n people hav e difficulties , you shoul d try t o hel p the m rathe r tha n b e critica l o f them . ANNE Uh? ! [insert Contestant 4's name], onl y thre e o f you got question s right . Wh y no t neutraliz e thes e numb skulls? There's no t a brai n cel l betwee n them ! CONTESTANT 4 Everyon e ha s thei r strength s an d weak nesses an d yo u hav e t o giv e peopl e a chance t o sho w their strengths . ANNE Strengths? ! I think we'd b e struggling a bit there. One of you r tea m didn' t eve n kno w wha t elliptica l meant . CONTESTANT 4 Di d you ? ANNE U m .. . [insert Contestant 5s name], d o yo u wan t t o win any priz e money ? I wouldn't wan t t o g o anywher e near a swimming poo l with you. You got a simple question wrong! So , we're hardl y reelin g i n admiration there ! CONTESTANT 5 Well , I knew th e answe r but , i n th e hea t o f the moment , m y min d wen t blank . ANNE N o change there then! [insert Contestant 6s name],

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The Clas s Act you go t you r questio n correct . Wh y deliberatel y lan d yourself wit h thi s bunc h o f primitiv e simpletons ? CONTESTANT 6 Becaus e they're m y friends an d I want the m to hav e the money. ANNE Oooh ! Blesse d are the meek for they shal l inheri t the earth. CONTESTANT 6 No , it's all right, you can have it. ANNE And , [insert Contestant 8's name]. Yo u weren' t exactly firs t i n the queue whe n the y wer e handin g out the gre y matter , wer e you! BACKGROUND VOIC E 1 Stitostically , statistically , statisticall y we no w kno w tha t nobod y i s abou t t o leav e wit h nothing. BACKGROUND VOICE 2 Neithe r i s nothing abou t to leave with nobody no r is no-one goin g nowhere . BACKGROUND VOIC E 1 Non sibi, sed omnibus. BACKGROUND VOICE 2 No t fo r oneself , bu t fo r all .

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7

Outlines fo r Furthe r Assemblie s

These ca n b e use d a s teacher - o r pupil-base d assemblies.

Anne Fran k Give a brief outline of the story of Anne Frank: Anne was bor n i n 1 929 an d lived in Amsterdam. She was ten when th e Secon d World Wa r brok e out. She was Jewish . I n 1940 , th e German s invade d Holland . There wa s n o wa y fo r th e Fran k famil y t o escape . Jews ha d t o wea r a yellow sta r an d wer e subjec t t o many othe r law s that onl y applie d to Jews. Soon, the Germans starte d t o roun d u p Jews an d sen t the m t o concentration camps . Anne's father , Otto , narrowl y escaped bein g caught . Followin g this , the Frank s hi d in room s behin d Otto' s office , alon g wit h anothe r Jewish family . The y wer e coope d u p ther e fo r tw o whole years . Befor e th e Allie d Force s liberate d Amsterdam, th e famil y wa s arreste d an d sen t t o concentration camps . Anne die d there just befor e the Allied Force s reache d th e concentratio n camp . Points you may wish to cover.

11

Assemblies Mad e Eas y Persecution How woul d yo u fee l i f yo u wer e persecute d unfairly ? For example , i f yo u ha d brow n hai r o r freckles , yo u would b e force d t o wea r a luminou s gree n anora k every tim e yo u wen t out . Later , yo u woul d onl y b e allowed ou t i n this anora k betwee n certai n times an d would no t b e allowe d t o ow n a pet . Sho w ho w th e laws becam e stricte r an d stricter . Wha t woul d yo u have don e i n suc h a situation ? Empathy Imagine bein g stuc k i n a very smal l spac e wit h you r family an d on e othe r famil y fo r tw o whol e years . You can't mak e an y noise . You can' t g o out . You can' t b e alone. You ar e alway s worrie d tha t yo u ar e goin g t o be capture d an d killed . He r famil y ha d don e nothin g wrong bu t the y wer e treate d lik e criminals .

Hope Despite these appalling circumstances, Anne's diary is full o f hope . She look s forward t o al l the thing s she'l l be able to do when sh e gets out. She looks out of the window a t th e tree s an d th e blu e sk y an d i s happ y just becaus e they ar e there. 'As lon g a s this exist s - I thought - thi s sunshine and this cloudless sky; and as long a s I can enjo y it , ho w ca n I be sad?' Points for reflection: Have things changed ? Ho w coul d thi s happe n again? Use example s fro m a schoo l context , fo r example , 78

Outlines fo r Furthe r Assemblie s picking on someone for no reason, when peopl e gang up on eac h other . Are we alway s generou s an d ope n towards others ?

Victor Klempere r Read excerpt s fro m / Shall Bear Witness: Diaries 1 9 3 3 - 4 7 and To the Bitter End: Diaries: 1942-45. These ar e extremel y vivi d and , frankly , terrifyin g accounts o f persecutio n agains t th e Jews an d woul d only reall y b e suitabl e fo r a n olde r audience .

The Jewish festival o f Purim : having th e courage t o speak ou t when you kno w something i s wrong Start by telling or acting out the story of Esther: Esther wa s bor n i n a country calle d Persia , which w e now kno w a s Iran. She was Jewish an d very beautifu l and clever . Sh e wa s a n orphan . A relatio n calle d Mordecai brough t he r up . H e wa s a ver y kin d an d wise man . She was so beautiful and clever that when the King of Persi a was lookin g for a wife, he chose Esther . This put Esthe r i n danger , a s sh e wa s Jewis h an d th e Persians di d no t lik e th e Jews . Therefore , Mordeca i told he r no t t o tel l th e Kin g sh e was Jewish. When Esther married the King, Mordecai went with her to the palace . He was given an important job an d foiled a n attemp t t o kil l th e King . This wa s note d i n the palac e records .

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y All wen t wel l until th e Kin g appointe d a chie f minister calle d Haman . It was Haman' s jo b t o ensur e that whe n th e Kin g passed , everyone bowe d down . Everyone did , except Mordecai . The Kin g was furiou s and, at Haman' s suggestion , ordered tha t al l Jews b e rounded u p an d killed . Esther , wh o overhear d thi s order, didn' t kno w wha t t o do , so sen t a messag e t o Mordecai, askin g fo r hi s advice. Mordecai suggeste d tha t sh e wa s i n thi s positio n so tha t sh e coul d d o somethin g abou t it . Esthe r decided t o tr y t o sto p th e roundin g u p o f th e Jews , regardless o f th e consequence s fo r her . Sh e invite s the Kin g t o a n enormou s banquet . Th e Kin g i s s o pleased tha t h e ask s Esthe r wha t sh e would like . He tells he r sh e ca n hav e anything , eve n hal f hi s kingdom. Sh e replie s tha t sh e want s him t o com e to anothe r banque t an d t o brin g Hama n wit h him . When th e Kin g invite s Hama n t o th e banquet , Haman think s h e mus t b e u p fo r promotion . Thi s i s spoilt b y th e sigh t o f Mordeca i sittin g a t th e King' s gate. He is so annoyed, that, coerced b y his family, he decides to pu t Mordeca i on the gallows. He builds the gallows an d intend s t o as k th e King' s permissio n fo r the executio n th e followin g day . That night , th e Kin g can' t sleep . So , h e ha s a browse throug h th e palac e records . H e see s th e account o f Mordeca i savin g hi s life, and realize s tha t he hasn' t rewarde d him . H e send s fo r Hama n an d orders that Mordeca i b e given on e of hi s horses an d a roya l robe . Hama n i s no t a happ y ma n bu t reassures himsel f tha t a t leas t h e has the banque t t o look forwar d to . The secon d banque t take s plac e and , again , th e 80

Outlines fo r Furthe r Assemblie s King ask s Esthe r wha t sh e woul d like . Sh e take s a deep breath , grit s he r teet h an d say s sh e doesn' t want th e Jews to b e killed and that sh e is a Jew. The King ask s who i s responsible . Hama n i s taken t o th e gallows h e ha d buil t fo r Mordeca i an d i s executed. The Jew s ar e save d an d Esther' s braver y i s remembered a t th e festiva l o f Purim . Points for reflection:

Stand up for what you know is right Ask th e pupil s t o imagin e tha t everyon e wh o supported Mancheste r Unite d o r believe d i n horo scopes wa s rounde d up , neve r t o b e see n again . How woul d the y feel ? Woul d the y tr y t o sto p this ? Would the y dar e sa y anything i n case they to o wer e rounded up ? Sa y tha t thi s wa s th e dilemm a facin g Esther.

Change things when you have the opportunity Remind the m tha t Mordeca i tell s Esthe r that perhap s she has been made queen i n order to hel p the Jewish people. Poin t ou t tha t ther e ar e time s whe n w e to o are give n th e chanc e t o d o somethin g importan t t o change things. Give examples: choosing a right actio n when a wrong on e woul d hav e bee n easie r o r safer ; helping someone when no-on e else dared; sticking u p for someon e who m no-on e els e liked .

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The Hind u festival o f Hol i This is another case of good triumphing over evil. Tell or get pupils to act out the following story. Once upon a time, there was a King. He was cruel and wicked. H e though t h e wa s s o amazin g tha t h e wanted to be worshipped as a god b y his people. This they did . Thi s Kin g ha d a so n calle d Prahlad a wh o knew hi s father wasn' t a god an d refuse d t o worshi p him. Instead , he worshipped a real god called Vishnu. This mad e th e Kin g ver y cross . H e ordered a herd o f elephants t o trampl e Prahlada . Prahlad a wa s un harmed, becaus e Vishn u protecte d him . The Kin g ha d a n equall y unsavour y siste r calle d Holika. Holik a ha d magi c powers , whic h mean t sh e could no t b e harmed b y fire. The Kin g and Holik a took Prahlada to the top of an enormous bonfir e and Holika and Prahlad a jumpe d in . Contrar y t o expectations , i t was Holik a tha t wa s burne d rathe r tha n Prahlada , because th e go d Vishn u ha s protecte d him an d destroyed Holika' s powers . Prahlada was safe because he pu t hi s faith i n a real god and , therefore, good ha s triumphed ove r evil . Point ou t tha t Hol i i s a sprin g festiva l i n Indi a an d that bonfire s ar e a ke y elemen t o f th e festivities , no t only becaus e o f th e stor y bu t becaus e bonfire s represent ligh t afte r th e darknes s o f winter . Bonfire s remind Hindu s tha t winte r i s ending . Hindu s believ e that bonfire s offe r protectio n fro m har m an d babie s are ofte n carrie d aroun d the m durin g th e Hol i celebrations. Grain s ar e roaste d o n th e fire s an d thi s is a way o f celebratin g an d givin g thank s t o th e god. Holi i s a time o f hop e an d ne w beginnings . 82

Outlines fo r Furthe r Assemblie s Sometimes the celebrations ar e completely riotou s and involv e squirtin g other s wit h water , coloure d paints o r dyes . This i s supposed t o symboliz e fertilit y and springtime . There i s another connectio n wit h th e god Krishn a wh o wa s rathe r partia l t o practica l joke s and, allegedly , a milkmai d thre w dy e ove r him . Yo u could dra w a connection wit h Apri l Fools ' Day .

Haile Selassi e Get your hands on some Bob Marley music! This would be an assembly about equality. Give a summary of his life: Haile Selassie was born on 23rd July 1 892. In 1 930. he becam e empero r o f Ethiopi a an d wa s give n th e title Ra s Tafari. Rastafarianism wa s born . Rastafarian s believe that Go d shows himsel f o n earth from tim e to time and that Hail e Selassie was Go d in human form. They believe d tha t h e wa s a descendan t o f Kin g Solomon. A ke y belief i s that Ra s Tafari will hel p blac k people wh o ca n trac e thei r route s bac k t o th e slav e trade retur n t o Africa . Explain tha t Rastafarianis m originate d i n th e Caribbean wher e man y peopl e ar e descende d fro m Africans. A lon g time ago, they were taken away from their home s i n Afric a t o wor k a s slave s i n th e Caribbean. Th e Rastafaria n fait h believe s tha t Hail e Selassie was important becaus e he spoke up for blac k people wh o ha d suffered fro m slavery . Therefore, it is very importan t fo r the m t o spea k ou t agains t situations tha t ar e unfair . Perhap s thi s i s wh y the y are als o vegetarians . 83

Assemblies Mad e Eas y Finally, ge t th e pupil s t o thin k abou t time s whe n people ar e treate d unfairl y becaus e o f th e colou r o f their skin, or because of what they believe. Why? How might i t feel ? Stres s th e importanc e o f peac e an d understanding betwee n people , whatever thei r differ ences. Mentio n peopl e wh o ar e currentl y workin g t o bring peac e an d understandin g i n th e world . Kof i Annan spring s t o mind .

Le Petit Prince b y Antoine d e SaintExupery I lov e this masterpiece ! Wha t a treasure trove ! Bu y a copy now ! Snippet s o f thi s littl e ge m ca n b e rea d o r acted out . It' s secre t i s in it s simplicity . You ca n dra w all sort s o f theme s fro m thi s book : judgin g b y appearances, th e ephemera l natur e o f oute r beauty , the importanc e o f facin g realit y (howeve r har d thi s may be!) . It will tak e you te n minute s t o rea d and th e ideas wil l bounc e of f th e page !

Sticks and stones will break my bones but words coul d hur t m e more Show th e pupil s you r favourit e kitche n knif e (pre ferably th e bigges t an d sharpest!) . Poin t ou t th e various use s o f a knife . Ideally , d o somethin g impressive t o sho w the m jus t ho w shar p i t is . Kee p well away from that rathe r annoying chil d i n Year 6 or the brown-nosing colleague! The temptation ma y well be too much . Then, go o n t o poin t ou t tha t althoug h 84

Outlines fo r Furthe r Assemblie s the knif e is very useful, it is also very dangerous. Say it was give n t o yo u a s a present . Tel l the m tha t the y have al l bee n give n present s tha t ca n b e very usefu l and dangerous : thei r mind s an d tongues . Thes e presents, lik e th e knife , nee d t o b e use d wit h care . They can be used as weapons to hur t or we can used them lik e a first-aid ki t - t o heal . You coul d en d wit h th e followin g tw o quotation s from th e Bible : Thoughtless word s ca n ac t a s deeply as a swor d bu t wis e word s ca n heal ' (Proverb s 12:18), an d 'Us e helpfu l words , no t harmfu l ones : words whic h wil l buil d peopl e u p an d d o goo d t o those wh o hea r them ' (Ephesian s 4:29) .

Jealousy Explain to the pupils that dangerous things often hav e warning sign s o n the m t o sho w tha t the y ar e dangerous, fo r example , bottle s o f bleach , beache s where there are dangerous current s an d railwa y lines. Animals als o sho w tha t the y ma y b e dangerous , b y growling o r barin g thei r teeth . Then , tel l the m tha t there ar e som e dangerou s thing s tha t d o no t hav e a danger o r warnin g sig n o n them . On e suc h thin g i s jealousy. Giv e example s o f wh y on e perso n migh t b e jealous o f anothe r - fo r thei r looks , intelligence, possessions o r friends . Tel l the m tha t on e o f th e reasons Jesus was crucifie d wa s becaus e the Roma n authorities wer e jealou s o f th e influenc e tha t Jesu s had over the people . Then, you migh t rea d or act ou t the stor y o f Josep h an d hi s brothers .

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y Points for reflection: 1. W e shoul d trea t jealous y lik e a dangerou s substance tha t ha s n o warnin g signs , an d 2 . Some times w e can' t hel p feelin g jealou s bu t w e ca n hel p how w e behave . You coul d en d wit h biblica l quotations : Proverb s 27:4, Corinthian s 1 3:4, James 3:14 , 16 .

All goo d things com e to h e who wait s Lent is a good time for this one as it features the account of Jesus' 40-day session in the wilderness. Set th e scene : Palestine , durin g Jesus ' lifetime . Joh n the Baptist , between mouthful s o f locust s an d honey , is urgin g th e peopl e t o ge t read y fo r th e Messiah . Read th e accoun t o f Jesus ' baptism (Mar k 1:9-12) . This marke d a turning poin t i n Jesus' life . He was n o longer a mer e carpenter . H e realize d tha t h e ha d higher thing s t o do . H e goe s t o th e wildernes s t o think thing s through . Scrip t th e accoun t o f Jesu s being taunted b y the Devi l and get three pupil s to act it ou t (narrator , Jesus , Devi l ) . Us e Matthe w 4:1- 1 1, as i t i s the mos t detaile d account . Points for reflection:

Life-changing experiences Jesus' baptis m wa s obviousl y a life-changin g experi ence. It is when h e realizes that h e has knowledg e o f a deepe r trut h an d som e kin d o f inne r power . Hav e the pupil s o r thei r friend s an d familie s ha d life -

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Outlines fo r Furthe r Assemblie s changing experiences ? Di d the y us e the m fo r th e good o f others ? Giv e example s o f an y life-changin g experiences yo u hav e had .

Taking words out of context Demonstrate tha t th e Devi l trie s t o temp t Jesu s b y quoting th e Scripture s an d twistin g thei r meanings . Have th e pupil s eve r bee n subjected t o thi s kin d o f temptation, perhap s b y friend s encouragin g the m t o do somethin g the y kno w the y shouldn't ? Ca n the y see ho w dangerou s word s ca n b e whe n the y ar e misused?

Resisting temptation Get them t o imagin e wha t i t would hav e bee n lik e t o be i n the wildernes s fo r 4 0 day s an d nights , withou t any hom e comfort s a t all . Could the y suffe r th e heat , cold, hunge r an d thirst fo r suc h a long period , as well as bein g hassle d b y th e voic e o f temptation ? Woul d they cope? How ? Say that everyda y lif e is strewn wit h temptations an d tha t w e al l mus t b e read y t o resis t them.

The importance of waiting for things It woul d hav e bee n muc h easie r fo r Jesu s t o g o straight out and preach, rather than stride manfully off into the wilderness. H e had the wisdom t o kno w tha t he neede d thinkin g tim e first . Ther e ar e time s whe n we nee d t o tak e tim e an d thin k thing s ove r rathe r 87

Assemblies Mad e Eas y than rus h i n lik e the proverbia l bull . There i s a skill of knowing th e righ t tim e t o d o o r sa y things . Wha t examples ca n the y thin k o f i n thei r ow n lives ? Giv e examples o f you r own , i f yo u ca n bea r it !

Using power responsibly Jesus know s tha t h e i s given powe r a t hi s baptism . It would hav e bee n possibl e for him to carr y ou t al l th e Devil's offer s an d suggestions . Instead , h e use d hi s power t o resis t th e Devil . W e al l hav e powe r ove r friends, family an d other acquaintances . Other peopl e have powe r ove r us . This powe r ca n b e use d t o ge t material things , influenc e situation s o r eve n t o avoi d trouble. We mus t al l lear n to us e i t i n the righ t way one tha t respect s th e need s o f others .

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Useful Website s

This i s b y n o mean s a n extensiv e lis t an d the website s mentioned ar e not necessarily th e best ones . I have foun d them al l very helpfu l o n th e way , bot h fo r writin g assemblies an d researching thi s book .

Public speakin g www. fearofpublicspeaking. net www. instantspeakingsuccess. com

General assemblie s website s www. assemblies, org www.perfectiononwheels.com: educationa l assembl y ideas o n safety an d drugs. www. schoolassemblies.btinternet co. uk

Scripture fro m othe r religion s www.knslon.nef.the stor y o f Ram a an d others www.sdmart.org/exhibition-binney-rama 1 .html: som e lovely illustration s o f th e Ram a stor y fro m Sa n Dieg o Museum o f Art. www.watthai.net: India n folklor e an d religious stories .

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Calendar o f religiou s festival s www.startinbusiness.co.uk/hols/festivals.htm: a compre hensive calenda r tha t give s yo u th e exac t date s fo r eac h year. Also give s calendars u p to 201 0 an d Easte r dates u p to 2005 . Nationa l anthems . Saints ' days . www. support4learning. org. uk/shap/calend4a. htm

Information o n majo r worl d religion s www.omsakthi.org/religions.html': a reall y clear , succinc t overview wit h som e excellen t links .

Ancient mytholog y www.hippy.freeserve.co.uk:has som e excellen t lists . Caution! Very easy to b e sidetracked o n this eccentric littl e site! http-.//web. uvic. ca/grs/bowman/myth

Interpretations o f fairy storie s www.novelguide.com: explore s th e metaphor s i n fairy tales an d children' s stories .

National day s www.breastcancercampaign.org: Nationa l Breas t Cance r Awareness Da y www.curryworld.co.uk: Nationa l Curr y Da y www.doit.org.uk: Mak e a Differenc e Da y www.poetrysociety.org.uk/npd: Nationa l Poetr y Da y www.un.org/ecosocdev/women: Internationa l Women's Day 90

Useful Websites

Saints www.catholic.org/samts: chec k ou t their fun facts pag e for some reall y quirk y snippets . www.hillsdale.edu/dept/Phil8Rel/Biography www. otta wainnercityminis tries, ca/biographies www.pitt. edu/~ eflst4.htm www. re-xs. ac. uk/cupboard

Offbeat an d child-friendl y new s store s www.anorak, co. uk www.bbc.co.uk: follo w link s t o 'Plane t Tabloid' . www.bbc.co.uk/cbbcnews: thi s i s the Newsroun d website. Have a loo k a t th e 'You r Comments ' an d messag e board s to se e what' s makin g th e littl e cherub s tick .

Remarkable individual s Anne Frank : www.annefrank.nl Evelyn Glennie : www.evelyn.co.uk/hearing.htm Ellen MacArthur : www.ellenmacarthur.com Iris Murdoch : www.insmurdoch.plus.com Paula Radcliffe : www.sport.guardian.co.uk J.K. Rowlin g : www.csi-net.net/~svderark/iexicon/faq/ fa q_ro wling. html Haile Selassie : www.bobartinstitute.edu/Sellassie

Spiritual materia l www.allspirit.co.uk: poetry , readings , reflections , quotations . An excellen t sit e fo r th e praye r shy .

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Miscellaneous religiou s website s www. cafod. org. uk www. misslink. org/children www.prayingeachday. org www.vatican.va

Charities www. fundraisingdirectory. com www.globalgang.org.uk: Christian Aid's children's website.

Making prop s www. dltk-kids. com/crafts www. kids, com/crafts

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Bibliography

The followin g tome s resid e o n m y ow n saggin g book shelves. I hope tha t you fin d som e o f the m useful .

Public speakin g The Oxford Union Guide to Successful Public Speaking: The Definitive Guide from the Definitive Authority, Hughes, P . and Phillips , B. Stand Up and Talk to 1,000 People and Enjoy It, Witz, M .

Ethics The Plain Man's Guide to Ethics, Barclay , W .

Literature Everyone ha s their favourites , particularly when i t comes t o children's literature . These ar e the one s I have found mos t inspiring an d includ e thos e tha t m y childre n particularl y love. Obviously, you'll hav e your favourites too. If you enjo y a book , us e it ! Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Bach , R. The Basketball Diaries, Carroll , J. The Prophet, Gibran , K.

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y The Tao of Pooh, Hoff , B . The Te of Piglet, Hoff , B . I Am David, Holm , A. Just So Stories, Kipling , R. The Chronicles of Narnia, Lewis , C.S. Winnie the Pooh: The Complete Collection of Stories and Poems, Milne , A.A. The Little Prince, Saint-Exupery , A . d e Pooh and the Philosophers, Tyerma n Williams , J. Wilson, J.: The Story of Tracy Beaker (lif e i n a children's home ) The Suitcase Kid (divorce , custody ) Buried Alive! (bullying ) Sleepovers (disability ) Vicky Angel (bereavement ) Dustbin Baby (fostering , adoption ) Secrets (clas s barriers , broke n homes ) Lola Rose (domesti c violence ) Rowling, J.K.: Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter

and and and and and

the the the the the

Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prisoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix

Interpretation o f dreams an d storie s Understanding Dreams: What They Are and How to Read Them, Dee, N. Interpretation of Fairy Tales, Wilkinson , R. The Forgotten Language: An Introduction to the Understanding of Dreams, Fairy Tales, and Myths, Fromm , E. Dream Detective, Robinson , C . and Boot , A. The Dreamer's Dictionary, Robinson , S. and Corbett , T.

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Bibliography The Interpretation of Fairy Tales, Franz, M-L . vo n

Anne Fran k Anne Frank's Story: Her Life Retold for Children, Lee , C.A. Anne Frank: Beyond the Diary, Rol, R. von de r

Proverbs an d Prayer s Dreams Alive: Prayers by Teenagers, Koch, C. (ed.) The Languid Goat is Always Thin: The World's Strangest Proverbs, Arnott , S . Inspirations: A Personal Collection of Poems, Proverbs and Quotations, Dobson , D . (ed.) The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Proverbs, Simpson , J . (ed.)

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The Ten Commandment s o f Assemblies

And th e DfE S spak e al l thes e words , saying , ' I a m th y Minister fo r Education , which hav e brough t the e ou t o f the land o f Teache r Autonomy , int o th e hous e o f Governmen t Prescription.' Thou shalt : 1. Delive r 'Collectiv e Worship ' tha t wil l b e daily . 2. Mak e i t wholl y o r mainl y Christia n i n character . 3. D o s o i n suc h a manne r tha t i t i s acceptabl e t o th e whole community , staf f an d pupils . 4. Includ e a variety o f element s a t differen t times . 5. Involv e th e pupils . 6. B e a rushin g strea m o f inspiration , ful l o f spirituall y enriching ideas . 7. [Delet e a s applicable]: (a) B e fervently religiou s an d zealousl y kee n t o shar e this wit h you r fello w huma n beings . (b) Preten d to b e fervently religiou s an d zealously kee n not t o shar e thi s wit h you r fello w huma n beings . 8. No t suffe r fro m stag e fright . 9. No t take a sickie/emigrate/commit suicid e on the day in question . 10. Hav e t o tak e calmin g measures/i t i n you r stride .

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Assemblies Mad e Eas y And al l th e teacher s sa w th e thunderings , an d th e lightnings, and th e nois e o f th e trumpe t an d th e mountai n smoking: an d whe n th e peopl e sa w it , they remove d an d stood afa r off . An d heade d fo r th e staf f roo m kettle .

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