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The scanning, uploading and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal, and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author's rights is appreciated. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Borderline Copyright © 2006 D. J. Manly ISBN: 1-55410-745-8 Cover art and design by Martine Jardin All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher. Published by eXtasy Books Look for us online at: www.extasybooks.com
Border Line
By
D.J. Manly
“Look what your love has done to me… Come on baby set me free… You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline… --Madonna
Borderline Summer: 2071
H
e filled the doorway like a shadow, a wide brimmed hat sitting low on his forehead. He seemed almost surreal as he placed a hand inside his trench coat and pulled out the package. I stared at it, nodding solemnly. “How do I know you don’t have a copy somewhere?” “There was only one, believe me.” I closed my eyes for a second. “It was quite a read.” I didn’t reply. I reached over and picked up a brown envelope off the coffee table. “Is that the money?” “Yes, it’s what you asked for.” The man leaned down and placed the package at his feet. I rose, placing my hand on the chair arm to propel myself into a standing position. I was suddenly feeling a little weak. This book meant everything to me. “Open the package. Show it to 1
D. J. Manly me. I want to make sure it’s my diary.” The young man bent over and picked it up. He ripped off the paper and held it up. There it was. It was mine alright. I recognized the red binding. That old brown elastic I had wound around it to keep it from falling apart was still there. “Hand the money over, and I’ll pass it to you.” I held out the envelope. The man snatched it up and pushed the package hesitantly in my direction. I wrapped my hand around it, my breathing growing more rapid. When it was in my hands, I pressed it against my chest. My throat felt tight. The man in the door tucked the envelope inside his coat. “Well, it’s been a pleasure doing business with you.” “Get out of my house.” He paused, his eyes narrowing. “So, before I leave, are you going to tell me how it ended, or has it ended? You got right to the part…well, you never finished. Did you ever see him again?” “That’s none of your business.” “Ha,” he scoffed, “you Hampton’s. You’re all the same. You use people and then throw them away.” I held my breath. I walked back to my chair, grateful to be sitting down again. I ran a hand over the faded red cover, then lifted it and pressed it to my chest again. There was a time when I was 2
Borderline sure it was lost to me forever. The tears threatened for real now. I pushed them back, swallowed hard, and carefully pulled the elastic off. It fell open in my hands, the pages a little brown around the sides. I stared at the first page… July 12th, 2042... twenty five years ago. I was barely twenty and about to get married... I got up, and walked to the door. The man was just about to get into his car. I walked onto the porch and called to him. “Wait.” July 12, 2042 The hammers were ringing outside my bedroom window. They had started early that morning. They were setting up the tent and building the arch for the wedding. “God,” I cried out, pulling the pillow over my head. They were giving me the worse headache. “Arggggggg!” I threw the pillow across the room and crawled out of bed, heading to the bathroom. “It’s only eight o’clock for fuck’s sakes. What’s the rush? The wedding isn’t for two weeks and…arggggg! I can’t stand this anymore.” “Dominic,” my mother opened the bedroom door suddenly and pocked her head in, “what are you screaming about? We can hear you all the way downstairs.” 3
D. J. Manly “Mother, God damn it, a little privacy please. I’m trying to take a piss.” Mother walked into the room and waited patiently until I came out of the bathroom. “Now, what’s all the fuss?” “Do they have to do that now at this time of morning?” “Darling, you know your father doesn’t trust the outsiders, and he wanted to be here to supervise the work. We don’t have a lot of time. We are going to visit your grandmother tomorrow and…” I sank down on the edge of the bed, running a weary hand through my golden blond hair. “I’m not going.” “Not going where?” “To Grandmother’s. I want some peace. I just finished the law exam from hell, and I’m exhausted. I want some time to myself before the wedding.” “Grandmother will be disappointed.” “Well, she’ll see me at the wedding.” “What are you going to do in this big house all alone for a week?” “Sleep,” I suggested with a smile. My mother laughed lightly, coming over to smooth back some of my ruffled blond hair. “They’ll be gone this afternoon. Come down and have some breakfast,” she invited. “And you 4
Borderline should call Vanessa. You haven’t seen her in days.” “It’s not good to see the bride before the wedding.” “Well, not in her dress but…” “I’ll call her, Mother.” “Well do it before she leaves to go to Europe to buy her trousseau.” “She’s not leaving until day after tomorrow.” “Okay, get some clothes on and come downstairs,” she said, clacking across the floor in her high heeled shoes. I watched her leave, then stood up and walked over to the window. Below in the distance were Outsiders, three of them, working on my wedding arch. Male, two middle aged, one young with his shirt off, sweating, his hair plastered to his head. It was hard to see his face. Was he handsome? I ran my tongue unconsciously over my lips. I forced myself to move away. It didn’t matter if he was handsome. I had no right to think that, no right to care. I moved away from the window, threw on a robe and headed downstairs.
July 12, 2042: Had breakfast with Mother. She doesn’t stop smiling. 5
D. J. Manly Father was too busy to eat, watching the Outsiders working in the backyard. He’s suspicious of everyone, especially those people. God, why do I feel as if I want to throw up? My head has been pounding all day, even after those guys out there stopped working, the headache stayed with me. I can still hear those hammers, calling to me somehow. Several times I paused to watch those men working from the window. I never went outside though. Maybe I’m sick with some terminal disease. Maybe I’m mad. Is it over yet? Am I married? I can’t wait for it to be over. I wish I could just go to bed one night, and wake up married. I can’t wait for people to stop talking about it, and congratulating me. Mother has told me not to forget to call Vanessa fifty times today!!! God, when is she going to stop? I have to call Vanessa. She won’t call me. I guess I’m supposed to do it. I’ll call her tomorrow, before she leaves on her shopping trip. I hope Mother and Father leave early for Grandmother’s. I can’t wait to be alone. I hate all the chatter and excitement around me…I NEED PEACE. **** Vanessa was chatty on the phone the next day, excited about going on her trip. “Oh Dom, you wait and see what I bring back. Mother is taking me to a designer and…well…I’m going to get the wedding dress designed.” “I thought you already had a wedding dress?” 6
Borderline “I do but we’ve decided to have it designed.” “Why?” “So no one else will ever have the same dress.” “Oh.” “Dominic, this is important. We’ve been waiting for this all our lives, talking about it when we were in grade school, remember?” “Yes.” “So wish me well. I’ll see you at the wedding. Kisses.” “Kisses. Have fun,” I said. I watched as Mom fussed over her luggage and my Father urged her to hurry up. “They’re holding the west border open for us, woman. Move it. I don’t relish going through the regular crossing with the riff raff.” “Coming, dear,” she said, looking flustered. God, was that what Vanessa and I would become? Mother gave me a quick kiss, Dad shook my hand. “We’ll be back way before the wedding,” Dad told me. “I’m so proud of you, boy. You are marrying into a great family.” As if I had any say in it. “Have a good trip. Give Grandmother a kiss for me,” I told him. A few minutes later, they were gone. And I was alone, just me and Francis, our housekeeper. It was ten in the morning and I went back to bed.
7
D. J. Manly July 14, 2042 Well, it’s official, I’m seriously disturbed. I couldn’t wait for the folks to leave, now I’m climbing the walls. It’s not ‘cause I miss them…hell no. They can be a royal pain in the ass. I mean, God damn, I’ve done everything that’s expected right…gone to law school like the old man…I’m about the marry the daughter of the head district attorney…and that was decided back in grade school. It’s just the way it’s done. It has to be done that way…if we’re going to survive…our blood lines, our genes. I understand that. I’m not angry. Vanessa is beautiful and sometimes, she can even be loving and kind…well…that’s not important. Right now, I’m full of adrenalin. I could run fifty miles, or rip the wallpaper off the walls. Like I said, I’m seriously disturbed. The phone rang early the following day. I wasn’t particularly happy when Francis barged in to say that there was an urgent call for my father. “Do I look like my father?” I growled at her. “He’s not here and…” She looked frantic. I reached out my hand and yanked the phone from her, giving her the eye, which was her cue to leave. She did. “Yeah, Senator Hampton?” “This is his son. My father is out of town.” “I’m sorry to disturb you, Sir. This is Border Station Number twelve. I have a guy here who 8
Borderline says he was with the work crew who did some work on your property two days ago.” “Yeah. And?” “He says he needs to come and put the braces up…or some such thing. What do you want me to do?” I sighed. “It’s fine. Tell him to wait until ten. It’s too damn early.” I threw the phone down, rolled over and went back to sleep. The doorbell was playing over and over suddenly. I picked up my head, looked at the clock and moaned. It was almost noon. “Francis,” I yelled. “Where in the hell are you?” Then I realised that it was her shopping day. She was gone. “Alright, alright, hold your pants on,” I muttered. I reached for my jean shorts, pulled them on and then went bounding down the stairs, running a hand through my hair as I did. I pulled open the door, peering at the young man who stood there, a tool belt on his hips. “Mr. Hampton?” He seemed a little miffed actually. He had his hands folded across his chest, and there was something akin to a scowl on his face. “Yeah. You must be the work guy.” “I’m Andre Jarvis.” He held out his hand. I was suddenly conscious of the way I must look, just out of bed like that, my hair a mess. I ignored his hand. “Well, what are you waiting 9
D. J. Manly for? Get to work.” He narrowed his eyes, steel blue. “You’re as rude as your father.” The comment took me aback. My eyes widened. “Look, you came to put braces, then put them. What do you want from me?” He held out a clipboard. “A signature actually, so I can get paid, and pay my men.” I glanced at the page on the board. It said, Jarvis Inc. “So, you’re a business man,” I said, giving myself the opportunity to study him. He was a little taller than me, maybe a few years older as well. The sleeves of his blue work shirt were rolled up to the elbow revealing tan, muscular forearms. I knew immediately that it was him the other day outside with his shirt off. I took the pen he offered and scribbled my name. “Why weren’t the braces put on the other day?” “They were, but we didn’t have enough of them. I’d like to reinforce the tent more in case the wind is stronger that day. The weather is getting colder now.” I met his eyes. Handsome face. Too damn handsome. I shoved the board at him. “How considerate,” I said. He shook his head, a mop of sleek black hair, parted at the side and layered back just to his collar. “I won’t be in your way; I’ll just go and do that now.” 10
Borderline I watched him walk down the path, battered blue jeans carving out an incredible swell of ass. I was awake now, wide awake. **** Less than ten minutes later, I was walking out to the back where Andre Jarvis was bent over hammering braces into the dewy grass. He stood up as I approached. I handed him a mug of coffee. He looked surprised. “I don’t know how you take it, so I just put milk.” “That’s fine,” he said, taking a sip. “Good coffee.” “It’s imported,” I offered, walking over to the lawn swing and sitting down. I suddenly wanted to put some distance between us. “That figures.” “So, you work over here often?” “A few times a month.” “You must have a good rep. My father doesn’t usually hire…” “Riff Raff?” “I wasn’t going to say that,” I replied. “I’m quoting your father,” he took another swallow of coffee, then set it on the lawn. He went back to his hammering. I watched him quietly from where I was sitting. I wondered what it would be like to be him. My 11
D. J. Manly eyes caressed his buttocks from a distance, and I couldn’t help wondering if he had a big cock. It was a harmless enough indulgence. It wasn’t like I was planning on doing anything. He stood up straight now, picking up his mug at the same time. “That should do it,” he said, draining his cup. “Anything short of a hurricane and even that wouldn’t knock that baby over. So, I guess congratulations are in order. You the groom?” I blinked, stepping off the swing and taking the empty cup from his fingers. I could have sworn his fingers touched mine, but it was only my imagination. “Ah, yes,” I said after a few seconds. “I’m the…” “Groom,” he supplied, raising an eyebrow. “Yes.” “Well, good luck,” he said, prepared to walk around to the front. I didn’t want him to go. “Ah,” I said, “Mr. Jarvis?” He turned, smiled faintly. “Andre will do.” I couldn’t say that. It was too intimate, too familiar. “Yes, well…are you married?” When the question came out, it seemed ridiculous. Number one, we didn’t socialise with them. We didn’t want to know anything about them. “No,” he said. The sun was shining on his hair. The top of his 12
Borderline chest where the shirt lay open was sweaty. There was this long silence. “Do you like it out there?” “Do you like it in here?” “Of course,” I said. “Who in the hell wouldn’t?” “You tell me.” He shrugged, turning away now, and making his way around front. I followed. I was perplexed, speechless really. I had no answer. “Do you need anything else?” I blurted as he walked over to his truck and opened the door. He threw the clipboard inside. “I don’t think so.” He glanced at me. “Did you…need anything else, Dominic?” I was indignant. “I didn’t say to…how do you know what my first name is?” “You wrote it on the clipboard.” “Oh, yeah,” I said. I felt breathless. I wanted him to say it again. “If the tent falls down, I’ll call you, okay?” It was my attempt at a joke. “You don’t have to wait for that to call me,” he replied, reaching in his pocket and pulling out a card. “Here,” he said, passing it to me. “If you ever need anything that you think is within my…capacity,” he grinned, “give me a call.” I took the card from him, and quickly buried it in the pocket of my shorts. He crawled into the truck, gave me a little salute and drove off.
13
D. J. Manly July 15, 2042 I’ve been fingering that card in my pocket all day. If I was restless before, well, the visit from Andre Jarvis didn’t help any. Why did he give me his card? Why did he have to smile the way he did? Did he know that I…I what exactly? That I thought he was handsome, that I couldn’t get enough of looking at his ass in those jeans? When I finally felt as if I could take out the card and look at it, I noticed that his e-mail was there, and three phone numbers, work, Cell phone, and home. HOME. I could call him at home and say what? ‘Come back, Andre, with more brackets.’ Maybe I could knock down the fucking tent. He’d have to come back then. This was stupid, stupider than stupid. Enough already, D. Francis made my favourite for supper, duck with some sort of orange sauce. I didn’t eat much. My mind was spinning. I was seriously considering crossing the border tonight, going into the city. I knew that I shouldn’t. It was dangerous over there…for so many reasons. It’s not like I’d never…I mean, I’d gone often enough in the daytime. Okay most of the time I was in the car but…and there was that time me and a few other guys went on my eighteenth birthday. We went to see strippers, women strippers, and the entire time my eyes were on some guy who sat on the other side of the stage from me. He, of course was enthralled by the women. I knew I shouldn’t but 14
Borderline shit, in a week, my entire life would be settled. There wouldn’t be any surprises for me anymore. It was now or never. “It’s not good, Mr. Hampton?” Francis came into the dining room now, her eyes zeroing in on my half eaten food. “No, it’s fine,” I said. There were places there where men went, where men danced and…no, I wouldn’t go there. I’d just go for a drive, that’s all, just a drive. I didn’t expect the border guard to give me such a hard time, but he did. He was full of questions. “What is your problem?” I snapped at him. “I’m just going for a drive.” “It’s almost eleven o’clock at night, Sir. It’s dangerous and your father…” I didn’t recognise him, but then I hadn’t been through the border lately. “Listen,” I sighed. “I’m not ten years old, okay. Now, are you going to let me through or not?” “When are you coming back?” “I don’t know.” “If something were to happen to you, Mr. Hampton, I’d lose my job and…” “Nothing is going to happen. Open the fucking gate, or I’ll fire you, myself!” He nodded hastily and pressed the button. The gate slid up, and I sped out of Hampton. My grandfather had started the Hampton settlement 15
D. J. Manly early in 2000. It began simply as a closed neighbourhood, designed to keep out the criminal elements, and if the truth be told, the non-white elements as well. Soon, the ‘right’ people, people with wealth and power wanted in. The development grew until it reached the proportions of a city. There was a committee set up, and strict rules set down. We were to marry among ourselves, keep the wealth in the community as much as possible, and when we did need to hire outsiders to provide specific services, they were only permitted to cross with border passes. The security force hired by Hampton was there to check all passes and verify the carriers. I knew my parents wouldn’t approve of me crossing the border this late at night but I didn’t give a shit. I was just going for a ride, that’s all, nothing more. **** The city lights were bright. I parked the car, set the alarm and walked along one of the main drags, dangling my keys in my hand. I reached in my pocket to shove in my car keys, and pulled out Andre’s card. I ran my fingers over the letters. I pulled out my cell phone, and dialled, waiting with baited breath for the phone to pick up. I almost closed the connection. Then, I heard his 16
Borderline voice. “Hello.” He knew it was me of course. He could see me on his phone, just as I could see him. My mouth felt dry. “Andre,” I used his first name then regretted it. “Mr. Jarvis?” “Mr. Hampton.” “I’m sorry to bother you. I was in the city, and I wondered if you could recommend a place to go.” “Depends.” “Ah, well…a good place, you know.” My voice was shaking. I could hardly talk. “You want to let off steam?” “Something like that?” There was a pause. He smiled, a gentle smile. “There’s a good place over on Clement Street. It’s wild enough, but not rough. No one will know you there.” What did that mean? “Okay…ah…where on Clement Street?” “Six eighty. You can’t miss it. Where are you now?” “Fifth and Jackson.” “Okay, you’re right on top of it. Just walk east two blocks, turn right on Adams, and you’ll see it on the corner. It’s called, ‘Discretion.’” “Thanks. Ah, what kind of a bar…?” He had hung up. I took a breath, and shoved my phone back in 17
D. J. Manly my pocket. I started walking past bars, and restaurants, people huddled in groups, couples of all shapes, sizes and compositions. I hit Adams, and true enough, there it was, a big neon sign in the distance flashing, ‘Discretion.’ I laughed a little as I came nearer. At least the name was appropriate. I stopped at the entrance as a few men brushed by me. One said something, then laughed. I didn’t hear him. I instantly knew what kind of a bar it was. Why did he send me here? How did he know that it was exactly the kind of bar I wanted? It wouldn’t hurt to go in and look around. That’s what I’d do, go in, check it out, maybe have a drink, then walk back to my vehicle and head home. No harm in that. I smoothed down my hair, and looked down at my clothes. Black dress pants, a mauve shirt, open at the neck. Expensive. I was overdressed, or inappropriately dressed. The men who passed me were wearing leather, or suede, tank tops with light summer jackets. To hell with it! I waited for the next wave of patrons to sweep inside and I went with them, no one noticing me at all. The place was crowded, almost blue with smoke, but at least now there was non-carcinogenic tobacco. I still didn’t like the smell. There were wall to wall men, and in the middle of the room, a stage where a man danced in his underwear. To the left was a crowded, sweaty dance floor where men’s bodies 18
Borderline were crushed together in vibration to the music, and up front, a bar. I elbowed my way to the bar, excusing myself every few seconds as men passed me glances, and smiles. I needed a drink. Finally the bartender noticed me wedged between a loud speaking black man, and a skinny white guy. “What will you have?” “Ah, cognac,” I said. He gave me a weird look, shrugged, and walked away. “Did you say cognac?” The black guy asked. “Yeah,” I said. “So?” “Rich man’s drink. You from Hampton?” Jesus, did it show that much? “No, I just like cognac.’ He made a face, and resumed his conversation with the white guy. The bartender, a middle aged man with a beer gut and bad skin, returned with my drink. “What is he doing up there?” I asked, laying down some money. There were a group of men standing around the stage, clapping and hollering. “It’s amateur night,” he said, taking the money. “Want to try out?” “No, thanks.” I took a sip from my glass. “Keep the change.” He gave me a little salute and wandered down to the other end of the bar. I managed to slide out of my little space and found a piece of wall to lean 19
D. J. Manly against. I felt safe there, hidden in the shadows, watching the men dance in their underwear. I spilt half my drink when I heard a voice suddenly say in my ear, “So, what do you think?” I wiped at my shirt, then turned my head to see Andre standing there. “What are you doing here?” “I just live down the street,” he commented, holding a beer in his hand. “Oh.” My heart was hammering. “Well, I was just going to…ah…leave.” “Why?” “Well I…” “Don’t leave on my account.” “It’s not you, it’s ah…I have to get home.” “What for?” “I…well…” I was standing sideways now, facing him. He was standing so close, more as a matter of necessity than anything else. The music was blaring. He was dressed in leather pants, and a simple olive green t-shirt, but it hugged his muscular torso like a glove. He might as well have been naked. “You…ah…what?” he asked, a ghost of a smile on his face. He took a swallow of his beer while he waited for my answer. “Nothing.” I shook my head. I drained what was left of my drink. “Well, it was nice meeting you again, Mr. ah…” “Jarvis.” 20
Borderline “Yes. I have to go.” I made an attempt to walk away but Andre placed a hand on my shoulder. “Want to dance?” “Dance?” “Yeah, over there,” he inclined his head towards the dance floor. “Looks dangerous,” I laughed a little. I felt quite giddy all of a sudden. “It can be,” he said, then laughed with me. “Come on.” He grabbed my arm, pulling me forward. “One dance, and then you can leave.” By the time we arrived at the dance floor, the song was finished. I was relieved. “Well, guess we’ll have to…” Then, another song began, this one slow. My heart beat in my chest like a drum as I watched the men on the dance floor move even closer, their arms around each other as they began to sway. Andre walked onto the dance floor, pulling me with him through the maze of couples. He stopped at the other side, near the wall. He opened his arms. I stood there frozen. “Come on, Mr. Hampton,” he grinned, pulling me closer, “I won’t bite you.” I moved into the cocoon of his arms, my entire body shaking like a leaf. He wrapped strong arms around my waist, then lifted mine and placed them on his shoulders. There was still a space between our bodies, enough to allow me to 21
D. J. Manly breathe, but not enough to give me peace of mind. I looked everywhere but at him. “Relax,” he said, then, he pulled me closer. He lowered his head beside mine. I felt his silky hair move against my cheek. He moved one of his palms up my back, pressed his groin against my thigh. The movement of his body put me in a trance. My hands had not moved off his shoulders. I didn’t dare move them, because I knew if I did, I’d want to touch him all over. When the song ended, I immediately took a step backwards. He held my gaze. “Thank you.” “For what?” “The dance, even though you didn’t enjoy it much.” “I’m not much of a dancer,” I said, making my way off the dance floor. There was another man up there dancing now in his underwear. I glanced up at him as I walked by. “You ever do that?” I asked Andre as we made our way to the clearing. “What?” “Dance in your underwear?” He laughed. “Not in public.” “Why not? You have a better body than that guy.” “Why thank you, Mr. Hampton.” I laughed. “I think I’ll have another drink.” “Thought you said you had to go?” He lifted an eyebrow. “I do, but I can spare time for another drink.” 22
Borderline We found a table, and after the third drink, I’d loosened up some. I sat across from Andre, watching the various men who got up on the platform to dance. “If you get up there and do that, I’ll give you something,” I told him suddenly. There was a playfulness in my voice. “What do you intend on giving me, Hampton?” He leaned closer to me. There was a twinkle in his blue eyes. Damn, but he was a hunk. “Money, what did you think I meant?” He sat back, shrugged broad shoulders, and grinned. “I’ll give you five grand if you get up there and strip,” I told him, the fourth drink going down good now. “Come back to my place tonight, and I’ll do it for free.” “Don’t be an idiot.” I blushed. I started laughing now, a little too much. “I’m serious,” he said, leaning forward, covering my hand with his. He met my eyes. “I’m really serious.” I blinked, feeling sober all of a sudden. “You’ll dance naked for me?” I could hardly catch my breath anymore. “Anything you want.” Our eyes met and held. I didn’t move my hand. He squeezed it, waiting for some acknowledgment. I nodded. “Let’s go,” I said. “Let’s go before I talk 23
D. J. Manly myself out of this.” As it turned out, Andre lived only a few streets away. He took my hand and led me through the streets. Everything seemed a little surreal. I was stepping off curbs which looked a hell of a lot deeper than they really were. The lights were practically blinding me. At one point, I lifted my hand to shield my eyes. And all the time, my awareness was focussed on the fact that he was still holding my hand. When he put the key in the lock of his door, I pulled my hand away. He paused and turned around. Our eyes met. I felt more sober then I had a few minutes ago. Maybe I couldn’t use the fact that I’d drunk too much anymore. “Some excuses get worn out quick,” I muttered. “What?” He gave me that quirky little smile of his. “What did you say?” I shook my head. “Nothing important.” “Are you coming in?” “Maybe. I mean, yes, for a bit, but it’s getting late and I…” I checked my wrist unnecessarily. I wasn’t wearing a watch. Andre pushed the door open, and switched on the lamp on a table in the hall. He walked straight into a small living room, throwing his keys on the sofa. “Drink?” he said, switching on a wall light which illuminated a small galley kitchen to the left. 24
Borderline “No,” I laughed. “I’ve had quite a bit. “Coffee then?” “Not a bad idea,” I replied, going to sit on the sofa. I sank down into it, realising that getting up would be a challenge. I heard the water running, then music piped out of the wall speakers, soft and low. “That’s nice,” I said. Frankly I was surprised that he didn’t just pounce on me the moment we walked in. I don’t think I would have had the strength or the inclination to refuse him. Maybe I was just a little disappointed too. I needed to get past this horrible feeling in the pit of my gut, this feeling of anticipation, longing and dread. “I’m getting married next week,” I said aloud. “Of course you know that since…” He was standing in front of me now, holding a steaming mug of coffee in his hand. “Yes, I know that.” I wiggled a bit on the sofa, trying to put myself into an upright position. He handed me the cup. “So, what are you doing here?” My hand tightened around the hot mug. It was burning my hand, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t really feel it. I cleared my throat. “It’s just a cup of coffee.” “Is it?” I met his eyes, beautiful blue eyes, dark and right now, impossible to read. If I could have stood up, I would have, just because I felt so 25
D. J. Manly vulnerable down there with him standing over me like that. My eyes went to his mouth. Maybe all I wanted was to know what it would feel like to kiss a man. My eyes moved down his chest and settled on the definitive bulge between his legs. I felt the saliva form in my mouth, my balls tightened, and I knew that wasn’t all I wanted. When desire has been repressed for so long, the power of that desire can completely wipe out feelings of guilt and fear. And Andre was everything I’d ever desired. A drop of hot coffee hit my knee. I winced, glancing at my hand to see that it was shaking. Andre took the cup out of my hand, and set it down on the coffee table. “What was the question?” He leaned down and kissed me. Just like that. Damn, it was so easy for him. He pressed his mouth against mine and gave me the gentlest of kisses. “Dominic,” he said, moving back again, “I’ve never felt…” He stopped. “You are the last man I should want. Nothing good can come of this.” It surprised me that he had his own reservations. I thought it was only me. The kiss lingered on my lips. “What do you want?” I managed to awkwardly push myself off that stupid sofa. I stood in front of him now, trembling all over. “One night,” I whispered. “One night 26
Borderline where I don’t have to think about what I should do. I just want to think about what I want to do, and right now, I want you to make love to me.” Andre noticeably sucked in some breath, took a step closer, and put his hands on either side of my face. He lowered his head again and kissed me. This time, it was not gentle. It was a kiss born of an evening that was fraught with anxious anticipation and… raw need. I fell into that kiss, gave myself over to it as Andre began to unbutton my shirt. I kissed him harder, hiding in it, not ready to acknowledge yet that his hands were now undoing my pants. I heard them fall around my ankles, felt his hands move down around me and cup my ass, dragging me closer to his body. His mouth slid off mine and he buried his face in my neck, dragged his lips across my shoulder. My cock was pressed against his thigh, throbbing. He stepped away from me suddenly. I thought I’d die for a second. My body literally ached to have him near me again. He smiled and pulled his t-shirt out of his pants. I stepped out of my pants and underwear, shrugged my shirt off. I think I laughed. “Come on,” he said. He took my hand again and led me to the bedroom. Only the moonlight streamed in through the window. It was enough to allow me a view of Andre undoing his pants. He was as hard as I was, a little bigger. His cock was leaking pre-cum. I 27
D. J. Manly could see it glistening on the tip. “You’re beautiful.” He looked up at me after pulling his pants off, kicked his shoes to the side. There was an intensity to that look. I realised at that moment there was no turning back. I was the one who moved to him this time. I traced his pecs with my eyes, let the tips of my fingers move over his chest, his nipples, with wonder. I felt like a child in a candy store full of wonderful sweets. And for the first time in my life, I could taste them all. I didn’t need to hold back. My hands moved down further. I explored the muscular curves of his stomach, the trail of hair which ran down to the base of his cock. He stood there, allowing me to take my time, complete my inspection. When I ran one finger over the length of his sex, which slanted upwards slightly, like my own, he made a little sound in his throat. I reached underneath and cupped his balls, lifting them in my hand, taking a second to move them around. One hand moved around to his ass, smooth hard, globes, designed to drive a man like me half mad. “I can’t…” his throat worked. It suddenly dawned on me what I was doing to him. I moved my hands to his shoulders, allowed them to settle on those luscious carved chest muscles a second. “I want you to give me everything, show me everything. Don’t hold back. 28
Borderline I’ve never been with…” “You’ve never been with a man before,” he said, reaching out and touching my hair. “No, I’ve never been with anyone before.” That seemed to jar him. He lowered his hand. “I… I see.” I wound my arms around his neck and pulled his mouth down on mine. I opened to his kiss, winding my tongue around his. His hands wedged between us. Fingers tweaked one of my nipples, as the other hand snaked down between my thighs and wrapped around my cock. I grunted something as he moved me back to the bed. “Lie back,” he told me. I sat on the bed, lifting my legs up onto it. My head lowered into the softness of his pillow. He crawled over me, one knee on each side of mine. His tongue immediately circled one of my nipples, his fingers casually playing with the other, flicking it back and forth. I closed my eyes. The other hand moved over my stomach, down to my cock where he began to lift and move my cock, causing me to moan suddenly. He was sucking my nipples now, capturing them between his teeth, moving from one to the other, pulling on them until the pleasure connected directly with my cock. My balls were in his hands, then another hand snaked under me, separating my ass cheeks. I gasped. His mouth left my nipples, moved down across my 29
D. J. Manly stomach, nuzzled at my cock, licked my balls, then yanked my legs up over his shoulders, pulling me down. I heard him fumbling in the drawer, then I felt a finger invading me, oily and warm, lubricating me deeper and deeper. I grabbed onto the blanket with both hands, clutching the fabric tightly in both fists. The finger probed deeper, in and out, in and out, oily, soothing, oh God…driving me…driving…my cock…my cock was thundering. I arched my back, moaning deeply. My chest heaved, my breathing came faster and faster. I moaned again. “Andre!” He grabbed my cock, he moved his finger in deeper, and faster, then he pushed in two while he tightened his hold on the base of my cock and began to jerk me off in rhythm to his finger fucking my ass. His mouth now opened to envelop the head of my cock. I screamed, and exploded as his mouth released me. The cum shot out of me with a vengeance, as if it had been there all the time waiting, waiting for this moment to be released. When I could finally breathe normally again, I realised that Andre was sitting there quietly at the bottom of the bed. I held out my hand and he crawled over to me, looking down into my face. “You are so beautiful when you come,” he whispered. “I want to do something for you.” I lifted my 30
Borderline head. “Oh, you will,” he smiled. He pulled me down and positioned me sideways on the bed. My neck was resting on the edge, my head hanging over. He got off the bed and came around to the side, pulling a chair with him. “What are you…” I began, as he sat in the chair, and placed a hand under my head. “I’m going to feed you my cock,” he said. My heart beat in my chest. God, I’d never heard anything more erotic than that. I didn’t say anything. I just glanced up at him, my eyes meeting his. I’d get to see his face this way, and it was so beautiful. He teased me first, letting the head of his cock, slick, move over my lips. “Keep them closed,” he said. “Um…yes.” Again he dropped his cock against my lips. I could smell the scent of him; male, and sex and sweat. I wanted to taste him. I guess he knew that. I guess he knew a lot of things I didn’t know. “Now, just the tip of your tongue, lick it slowly, across, around….yes, that’s it.” The sound of his voice was driving me insane. I was rock hard again. It was deep and sexy, and compelling. “Now, make an O with your lips and wrap your lips around the tip. Now use your tongue while you tighten…god yes…beautiful…your ah…” he groaned, “natural, baby. Now, open your 31
D. J. Manly mouth, relax your throat. I’m going to lower my cock into it. Jaw wide…fuck, that’s beautiful. Now, I’m going to fuck your throat. Think of it as your ass. Um, yes, in and out, slowly, tighten… yeah… right… right…” Of course I chocked and sputtered and he didn’t seem to mind. He came in my mouth, filling it with cum, and he taught me how to swallow. And the entire time I watched his face. I watched him squeeze his eyes tight, watched his mouth tremble, saw the muscles in his face contort, twist, and relax again. He went down on his knees after he came and kissed me deeply, my head still back over the bed. I reached up with my arms and he pulled me onto the floor. He wrapped me in his arms and we rolled around for a few minutes, like two school boys, then with me on top of him, he kissed me deeply, one hand moving over my ass. “I want to fuck you,” he said softly against my ear. He pushed me off of him. “Stay on the floor.” He got up, went to that drawer beside his bed again. I knew there would be pain. He dropped down beside me. “Get up on all fours.” I met his eyes, swallowed. “Are you scared?” “A little.” “It will hurt, but not for a long time. I promise.” 32
Borderline He kissed me again. I turned around and got up on my hands and knees. I felt his hands parting my ass. “I lubed you once,” he said softly, “but I’ll do it again…how about I start with my tongue?” “You’re going to…” I glanced around at him. “Shush,” he laughed. “Don’t worry.” The laving of his tongue over my frightened, puckered little hole tickled a little at first, became soothing, and then began to create a trembling in my body that began at its core and then moved outwards until I was having a hard time staying still. Andre laid a hand on the small of my back to steady me, and a well oiled finger slipped easily past the first set of muscles, then moved around and probed deeper. “Oh God,” I cried out, as the finger moved a little deeper, then began to press around inside of me, then pop, I felt something else give way, another ring of muscles, then two, then three, oiling me deep inside. The sounds coming from me didn’t sound quite human, and as the fucking with the fingers continued, I felt my cock leaking cum, my nipples stiffening. “Oh God, Andre…God…fuck…yeah….” The fingers pulled out, only to be replaced by the head of Andre’s cock. “Relax,” he told me. “Relax and it will be less painful.” It felt as if I was being ripped apart. I lowered my head, bit into my lower lip. 33
D. J. Manly “Relax,” he told me. “That’s it. That’s it, baby.” Inch by inch, he pressed his cock inside of me, filling me, making me feel as if I wouldn’t be able to take another inch, then something gradually began to change. He moved slowly inside of me, in and out, and the pain was being replaced by pleasure. Pain robed in pleasure. Oh God, it was like nothing I’d ever felt before, and before the night was over, I would ask for it again. July 17, 2042 I can’t sleep again. Maybe because I’m so hard just thinking about him. Leaving him wasn’t easy. I guess because I knew I wouldn’t be going back. I did it though. I left. Is that strength? I’m not going back. I can’t go back. It’s been two nights now since I tasted his cock in my mouth, since I felt it move inside me. I was alive, maybe for the first time. My parents will be back in two days. In five days, I’ll be married. Honeymoon in Europe, then back to law school for my final term. No surprises. No joy. But I did it. I lived out my desires, my fantasy, and it’s out of my system now. The difficulty I’m having sleeping has to do with… There was no point writing anymore. I sighed, got up from my desk and went to my window. Looked like a full moon. I leaned against the wall, and trailed my hand down over my chest. When I wrapped my fist around my hard cock and 34
Borderline squeezed, I closed my eyes. Andre. I’m sure he had other lovers. I wondered who they were, what they looked like. I imagined them touching his skin, kissing his mouth, pushing him to his knees and… My breathing quickened, I felt cum leak into my fist, and run through my fingers. The orgasm was joyless, and it provided only momentary relief. I had two more days. What would it hurt to have him again? Twenty minutes later, I was sitting in my car, craning my neck to see who was at the border crossing tonight. It didn’t look like the same guy. The one before had been older, his hair a little grey. I pulled up and poked my head out. “I’m Dominic Hampton,” I said. “I’m going into the city for a bit.” He nodded. Blond, young, not bad looking if he’d smile a little. “It’s dangerous, this late at night. Would you like me to call someone to escort you?” I shook my head. “No. I’ll be fine.” The gate opened. The blond guy finally grinned at me, then stretched his neck out the window. “If you’re looking for girls, then I can…” “Thanks,” I waved and sped through. I actually breathed a sigh of relief when I raised my eyes to the rear view mirror and saw the guard lower the gate again. I dug into my pants for my phone and pulled over to the curb just a block 35
D. J. Manly from his building. I waited impatiently as the phone rang. On the third ring, he answered. I saw him gazing at me, his eyes sleepy. I checked my watch. It was almost one in the morning. “Dominic?” “I guess it’s kind of late,” I said. “I didn’t realise or… “Where are you?” “Just down the street. I…” “You said you weren’t coming back.” “Did I?” “Yeah. That’s what you said.” “Can I…?” He paused for a moment. “Come on, Andre,” I urged, feeling a little breathless. “Just for a second.” “Okay,” he replied, and closed the connection. I folded up my phone, and drove down the street, parking in front of his door. In seconds, I was standing there, my finger on the bell. He opened the door, and stood back to let me enter. I closed it behind me. He walked into the living room, a battered navy blue terry robe wrapped around him. He turned around and faced me. “Dominic, what are you doing here? I shrugged. I felt weak just looking at him. At that moment I would have done anything to have him, anything at all. It must have been the expression on my face because Andre came closer, 36
Borderline placed a hand on my shoulder, and said my name. I took a step closer still and rested my forehead on his chest. “I want you,” I said, “just one more time.” I looked up into those eyes, and whispered, “please.” He ran his hand over my hair and lifted my chin in his hand. He looked deep in my eyes for a minute. He was searching for something there but I didn’t know what. I looked up at him with wonder, stroking back his dark hair with my fingers. My other hand moved down to the tie on his robe and pulled it apart. It fell open, revealing his smooth taut chest and budding erection. He allowed me to push it off his shoulders. I sank down on my knees in front of him and pressed his sex to my lips. All I wanted was for him to be inside of me, to fuck me the way he had before. I looked up at him as I took his cock in my mouth. I sucked on the head gently, using my tongue to cover the circumference, then widened my jaw and took it deeper. I was lost in sucking his cock, feeling it press against my throat. When his hands went to my hair, I smiled. When he moaned, my cock lurched. I wrapped my fingers around the base of his cock and gently withdrew it from my mouth. I stood up, kissing his mouth, my hands playing across his chest. “Come on,” I said, leading him down the hall by the hand, “I want you to fuck me.” 37
D. J. Manly He said nothing as I got the lube out of the night table. HIV had been eliminated twenty years ago, so no need for condoms. I tore off all my clothes, and then dropped down on all fours on the floor. “Here, like this, on the floor,” I told him. He didn’t move for a second, until I glanced up at him again, and said his name. Then he moved down behind me and began to spread the lube on his fingers. Placing one hand under me, he began by rubbing the lube into my cock and my balls. Within minutes, I was whimpering with pleasure. He continued to fondle my cock and balls with his oily fingers, then sliced his hand between my ass cheeks and teased my hole. Moving up to my side, he reached for my nipple and started to play with it as he continued to fondle my genitals and tease my anus with his slippery digits. The right nipple was tormented furiously before he moved to the left. “Oh God,” I told him, my chest heaving, “don’t stop.” “No worries, baby,” he said, “I have no intention of it.” The flat of his palm now dragged from one nipple to another as I felt one of his fingertips begin to flirt around the opening to my ass. “Andre,” I cried out. He dipped it in now, up to the knuckle. My cock was so swollen, so hard. My balls felt as if they were in a vice. I closed my eyes; the sensation 38
Borderline shooting through my ass now was like electric charges. The finger was fucking me furiously now, the other hand working my tits again. The second finger joined the first. I wanted to kiss him, but I couldn’t reach. The fingers withdrew. When his hand touched my cock again, I screamed. He slapped my ass, and moved behind me. “I’m going to mount you now, baby. I’m going to fuck you, give you what you came here for.” His cock pressed forward. I moaned. The pain was acute, but temporary. He went deeper and I felt his cock begin to fill my orifice, pressing in, down, ahhh…yes…more, more, until his balls hit my ass. He began to move, to thrust, to push in and out. I heard him grunt, then moan lightly, then pull almost all the way out only to plunge back in. He accelerated, holding my hips stagnant so that he could truly fuck my ass at the pace he wanted to. He grabbed my cock, began jerking as he swung his hips in and out, and I came while he slammed his cock into my ass. A few minutes later, he let out a huge cry and came himself. I lay flat on my stomach, a smile on my face, while he rolled over on his back and tried to recover his breath. I pulled myself up to a sitting position and looked at him. “You’re beautiful,” I said. He moved his face to the side and gave me a 39
D. J. Manly half smile. I crawled over to him and ran my hand over his stomach, lifted his sex in my hand. “I want to ride you,” I told him. “I want to ride that gorgeous cock of yours.” He raised an eyebrow. “I’ve created a monster.” I laughed, fondling his cock still. “You will be hard again.” “If you keep doing that, I will,” he said. I lowered my mouth to his cock and let my tongue glide over it. I squeezed it again. Then I reached under him with my hand and pushed my middle finger up his ass. He grunted. “Need some oiling I see,” I said mischievously, feeling around for the lube on the carpet. “Lift your knees up,” I said, after I’d found it. I squirted some on my fingers. “Um, first those nipples,” I told him. My fingers covered one of his tits in lube, and reached over to do the other one. I played with his nipples for a long while, pulling, tugging, sliding my finger over them. “They’re so hard. Your nipples are easily stimulated.” “Um,” he said, his head back, tongue playing around his mouth. “You like when I play with them?” “Yeah, go ahead,” he urged. “What about this?” I asked, pinching his left nipple, while moving my hand down to slap his cock. It was now curling upward. “Do you like 40
Borderline when I play with that?” “Oh yeah,” he said. “What about your balls?” I moved my lips down his stomach and then drew one of his balls into my mouth. He moaned. “Um, guess you do like that. Knees up, let’s see what your ass likes.” I could hardly believe it was me talking that way, but it was, and I loved it. I loved his body. It was like a wonderland of pleasure. Touch this, and lick that, and you got a reaction. I was none too gentle playing in his ass, but he didn’t seem to mind. I assumed he was far more used to it than I was. I couldn’t help wondering how many men had been lucky enough to play there. I knew as I shoved the third finger up inside of him that I intended to ask, and I intended to get an answer too. “So, tell me, hunk, how many men have played right here?” I twisted my fingers around for emphasis. His chest heaved, and his hips rose off the floor. He groaned. “Come on, baby,” I told him, beginning to fuck his ass now with my fingers, “how many?” I didn’t realise that there was anger in my voice until he said, “Dominic, what’s wrong?” I fucked him harder. “Tell me. I want to know 41
D. J. Manly about many men you’ve been with?” “Ahhhhh….umm….stop, I’m going to cum.” “Oh no, you’re not,” I said, pulling my fingers out. I immediately went to working on his cock, slapping it back and forth, making sure it was standing on end. I squeezed a dollop of lube on my hand and inserted a finger of it inside of me, then rubbed his cock with the rest of it. “Hard?” “Oh God,” he said. “Um, hard and ready, aren’t you?” I ran my hands over his nipples again. His body was covered in sweat, his hips working upwards. “I’m going to use your cock now, baby.” “Use it,” he groaned. I straddled him, grasping his cock roughly with my hand, positioning it at the entrance. God, how I wanted to impale myself on his cock. It was so beautiful and he was so beautiful lying there like that, his face all contorted, his tits rigid and pointed, covered in grease. His head went back on the floor and the cords in his neck strained when I enveloped the head of his cock with my ass. I fed my ass some more of his hot, slick cock and he cried out something. I lowered myself more until my ass was sitting against his balls, and then I lost all control. We laid there for the longest time in the darkness, neither one of us speaking. There were 42
Borderline no words. I rolled over on my side and stared at the alarm clock on his nightstand. It was almost four a.m. His arm eventually found its way around me, his chest against my back. When he pressed his cheek against my hair, I closed my eyes. “Tell me what you do first thing in the morning,” I said. “Wake up,” he replied. I grinned. “Yeah, and?” “I get out of bed and hop into the shower.” “First thing?” “Yeah.” “Then you eat?” “If I have time. Sometimes I stop for coffee somewhere and toast mid morning.” “How many employees do you have?” “Seven.” “Have you slept with any of them?” “Yep.” “How many?” “All seven.” I turned my head around now to glance at him, and he began to laugh. I punched my elbow into his gut. “Ow! Dominic, I don’t fuck my employees in any capacity.” “Do any of them come onto you?” I settled back down. “It’s happened.” 43
D. J. Manly “What’s your favourite colour?” “Blue.” “What’s your favourite food?” “Hamburgers.” “What do you dream about?” “Dominic.” “What?” He backed up and rolled me over onto my back. He gazed down at me. “What are you doing?” “No…nothing.” I sighed, but we both knew. I was trying to cram a lifetime into one night. I wanted to know everything about him, and I had no time to learn. Andre touched my hair, then, lowered his mouth to mine. He tasted my lips gently. I knew we were going to make love again. “I’m losing my mind,” he murmured against my neck. “I have to get up in two hours. I haven’t had any sleep, and I want you again.” He took my hand and placed it on his erection. I licked my lips. His hands moved over me, his lips following, and I no longer cared about anything. The clock ticked away minutes, then an hour, and I wrapped my wet body up with his and kissed him hard on the mouth. What if I never came like that again? What if Vanessa…Vanessa… Andre fell asleep in my arms. When the alarm went off, he groaned, then picked up his pillow 44
Borderline and threw it at the nightstand. He missed. The alarm continued to blare out its warning. I know I should have left already. The minute he fell asleep in my arms, I should have found the strength to release him, to pull my exhausted body away from his. He slept so peacefully, his chest rising and falling in a sweet rhythm, his breathing deep and even. I couldn’t bear to separate myself from him. He was in the shower as I dressed. I knew I had put it off too long. I took a step towards the bathroom, prepared to say goodbye, then stopped. If I walked in that bathroom, I’d want him again. It was over now. I swallowed and forced myself to the front door. When I was outside, I practically ran to my car, afraid that he’d see me, call out my name. I was halfway to the border before I pulled the car over, and the tears came. July 20, 2042 I haven’t written for a few days. It’s been like a circus around here. Tomorrow is the big day. I spoke to Vanessa this afternoon. She sounded nervous. Dad is miffed at me because I told him I didn’t want a stag party. He gave me a big talk on tradition today…Jesus. Anyway, it was called off. Probably cost him some bucks but you know, I told him a few weeks ago I didn’t want that. He doesn’t listen. He’s never listened to me. Damn it, everything is so fucking easy for him, so clear cut. Okay, I’m rambling. I’m thinking of Andre, even 45
D. J. Manly though I told myself that I wouldn’t. I wonder if he was upset when he came out and I was gone? OR…maybe he understands more than I think…not maybe, he does. He knows I’m not coming back. I’m not going to see him again. I can’t. So, I’m going to try and sleep. Can’t wait for this shit to be over with. Can’t wait to go back to school. The wedding went as planned. No surprises. Vanessa and I received a brand new house from my parents. It was just down the street. Her parents took care of the honeymoon, two weeks in Cuba. We left immediately after the reception. Vanessa held my hand on the way to the airport, rattling on about who was wearing what at the wedding. I wouldn’t have noticed if the wedding guests had been naked. The entire thing ended up being a blur to me. It might have been the capsules I took to calm my nerves that morning when I got up. The bottle said one, and I took three. We left right after the reception. I fell asleep in the back of the cab, and again on the plane. Eventually when I opened my eyes I was lying, fully clothed, on a bed in the bridal suite of a luxury suite in Havana. I crawled out of bed, noticing the bottle of champagne swimming in a bucket of water beside the bed, and went to take a pee. Vanessa was sitting on the balcony of our suite, which overlooked the glorious white beach. I 46
Borderline shielded my eyes from the sun with my hand and walked outside. I knew she must have been disappointed. I’d slept through our wedding night. She didn’t say much, trained as she was to be a lady, and I tried to be jovial and upbeat the rest of the day as we walked along the beach and swam in the warm water. We had a wonderful meal that night, and I drank way too much. At one time, she suggested that I “slow down.” We went dancing on the beach, and I was more than sober by the time we reached our room. Too sober. When Vanessa appeared in a beautiful, sheer red nightgown, I knew what was expected of me. I knew I could do it. I just wasn’t sure if I could do it convincingly. I closed my eyes when she kissed me, and tried as hard as I could to imagine that she was Andre. It took a lot of imagining. It was only after she lay sleeping in my arms that I felt something akin to physical pain as Andre’s face came to my mind. “Get out of my head,” I whispered aloud, while Vanessa stirred some beside me. I hadn’t realised that I’d spoken aloud until she murmured my name. “Go back to sleep,” I told her. “It’s alright. I was just dreaming.”
September 10, 2045 47
D. J. Manly
No one knows how happy I am to be writing in my book again. I couldn’t find the damn thing for the longest time. I thought it was lost for good. Finally, I found it in the bottom of one of the boxes I had taken from home. I’ll put it in a safe place this time, away from prying eyes. I’m back at school for the last term. Soon I’ll be taking the Bar. My mother is already talking about children. I wished to hell she’d stop. Vanessa is not ready for that either. Speaking of Vanessa, I haven’t seen a lot of her lately. She has her studies and her friends. She is involved in this and that charity function. Sex is okay. She seems happy, so I’m happy. I need to focus now, to study and to try and make this life of mine go the way it has to go…whatever it is I mean. The weeks went by, and the colder weather came. The leaves were falling and October turned into November. I made sure that I was up to my ass in work. My parents were arranging a huge Thanksgiving dinner for the family. I was not looking forward to the family thing. “It’s Thanksgiving,” Vanessa complained in that rather nasal tone she had which frankly had begun to get on my nerves lately. “Why in the hell wouldn’t you want to be with your family?” I didn’t look up from my computer. “I’m swamped right now, Van, you know that. Any time I take away from this is…” “That’s all you care about. Lately, all you do is 48
Borderline work. We don’t go anywhere. We don’t do anything and…” “Well you want me to graduate, don’t you?” It was true that I’d thrown myself into my studies, getting up at dawn to crack the books, and studying sometimes until the wee hours of the morning. I spent most of my weekends at the library as well, and then when I was too wired to sleep, I’d take a drink or two…lately, it had been more like three or four. She marched out of the room, muttering something. She did that a lot. I went back to the article I was writing. A few minutes later, she came charging back in. “So, are we going or not?” “You go.” “Alone?” She stared at me as if I was some alien from another planet. “You want me to go to Thanksgiving dinner…at your house…alone?” “God damn it.” I pushed back my chair and stood up. “What’s the big fucking problem? You want to go, you go. I’m not stopping you. I’ve done everything everyone wants me to do. I live in this house, I’m taking the Bar, I married you. Those are major concessions, right? What in fuck does it matter if I skip Thanksgiving dinner?” “Marrying me was a concession?” “Give me a fucking break.” I ran my hand though my hair a few times. “We both know that we had no choice but to get married. It was 49
D. J. Manly already being planned when we were in grade school. That’s just the way it is here. Just like I have to be a lawyer, whether I want to be one or not.” Vanessa lowered her head. “Van,” I whispered, coming closer to her, picking up her chin with my finger, “you don’t love me.” Her eyes widened. “Dominic, I…” I held her eyes and repeated the words deliberately, slowly. “You don’t love me.” She began to shake her head. “Vanessa.” I dropped her chin. “We do what’s expected, and if we’re really good, we can pretend all is right.” She placed her hands over her ears. “I don’t want to hear…” “Fine,” I clipped. “We won’t ever mention it again.” I walked past her, took my jacket off the hook in the hall, and went to front door. “Where are you going?” she asked, sounding completely normal again. “For a drive. I’ll be back, and Vanessa?” I turned around and glanced at her. “What?” “I’ll go with you at Thanksgiving.” As I drove around behind Hampton, which was surrounded by the high barb wired fences that kept them out, I marvelled at how 50
Borderline programmed Vanessa really was. I’d basically been more honest with her then I’d ever been. I practically told her that I didn’t really love her, and all she really wanted was to be assured that I would be there with her to my parents on Thanksgiving. She was as fucked up as I was. I parked the car in the parking lot of the men’s club my father frequented, and got out. I saw his car parked around the side. He spent many nights here, playing pool, drinking with his associates. My father. He was always too busy to care about what I was up to when I was growing up, yet now it seemed he did nothing but occupy himself with my life. I walked inside the fancy men’s club and said hello to a few of the men, all greying, starting to get that middle aged spread. I knew I was looking at myself in thirty or so years. My father sat in a leather chair in what was known as the ‘smoking room,’ although he had given up smoking years ago. He seemed pleased to see me. “Hello, son, what brings you here this late?” I could have asked him the same question, but I didn’t. He wouldn’t have appreciated it. “Needed a drink.” “Ah,” he eyed me, “let me. Rob,” he called over to the waiter, “bring my son a brandy. Put it on my tab.” “Right away, Senator.” 51
D. J. Manly The waiter’s name was Rob, but that was all I knew about him. I found myself looking at him a little more closely this evening as my father talked about the right age to run for office. “Dominic, did you hear me?” I took another swallow of my brandy. “Yeah, I did. You know, I’m not that interested in politics.” My father looked like I’d socked him, then he began to laugh. “Don’t be ridiculous.” I sighed. I could have protested. I could have told him, ‘look here, you prick, I don’t want to be a politician. I don’t even want to be a god damn scum-sucking lawyer,’ but instead I just listened as he went on and on with some shit about ‘how to play the game.’ When that subject was exhausted, or at least, he tired of talking about it, he asked me about Vanessa. “She doesn’t have any health problems, does she?” “Not that I know,” I said, my eyes straying to Rob. Rob was in his early thirties, in good shape. He must play sports or work out. He was blond, kind of, with a nice face. Then I heard the word, ‘grandson.’ My eyes riveted back to my father. “Dad, we’ve only been married a few months. Give us time, okay?” He rose out of his chair. “Your grandfather always used to say, no time like the present. I got to be getting home to your mother. You should 52
Borderline think about…” “I will,” I said, lifting my hand to him as he walked across the room. I motioned to the waiter. November 20, 2045 Wow, I found my old friend again. I had put this away for safekeeping then couldn’t remember where I’d put it. I found it at the top of my cupboard. I’m going to put it somewhere else. Last night, I went to the men’s club again. I couldn’t wait for my father to leave. I wanted to talk to Rob. We had a great conversation last time. His family just moved inside not too long ago. His mother has some computer business and suddenly they’re rich. He likes working at the club. He’s got some shares in it. He has a great smile. He reminds me of Andre. I dreamt of Andre last night actually. It was so real. We were so close, yet there seemed to be this great divide between us. He was smiling at me, and he said my name. “Dominic.” I woke up then, and I reached across the bed but…of course it was Vanessa who was there, sleeping. Thanksgiving is coming fast. I wonder who Andre will spend it with? He probably doesn’t even remember my name now. Vanessa changed her clothes three times before we left for dinner. She was really excited. I could have recited the dinner conversation verbatim before we even arrived. Politics, business, money, letting in the wrong people to Hampton, 53
D. J. Manly then…the importance of family, heritage and…when are the grandchildren coming? I was feeling restless all that day, and I didn’t eat much, and I drank a lot. That question pushed me over the edge. “That’s it,” I said, standing up and pushing away from the table. I whacked the chair with my hand and it fell on its side. My mother put her hand to her chest, and I didn’t wait around to hear what everybody else had to say. I marched out of the house and got into my car. I saw my father on the curb as I drove away. I was drunk, and I shouldn’t have been driving, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to drive and drive, escape this hell I’d found myself in. I finally pulled over because I couldn’t see anything. It had started to rain heavily, and I didn’t want to be stopped by Hampton security. I knew where I was. I was several feet away from the border. My mouth literally watered as I thought about Andre. It had seemed like forever since I’d touched him, since I’d even given myself the luxury of thinking about him…except in my dreams. I closed my eyes. I ran my hand over the leather seat of my car, imagining that it was his skin. I pursed my lips as if I was kissing him, and felt my cock harden. I moved my hand down to the zip on my pants, then, someone tapped on my window. My heart lurched, and I hastily placed my hand back on the steering wheel. I rolled 54
Borderline down the window. It was Hampton Security. “Mr. Hampton?” He had already checked my license. “Are you alright?” “I’m fine,” I stammered. “I…ah…was looking for something and the rain…it was raining. I thought I should pull over because…” He peered at me. Please, please don’t make me get out of the car. “I have an emergency,” I blurted. “I have to cross the border. Ah, someone asked me to see someone there…a service person and I…” “You’re going across tonight?” “Yes,” I said. Try and stop me, you bastard! “I don’t advise it,” he said. “I have no choice unfortunately,” I shrugged. “And I’m running late so…” “I have just had a communication from your father, Mr. Hampton. Your wife is concerned about you and…” I looked straight ahead of me. A car had just driven by. I watched carefully as it stopped at the border crossing. The gate was being raised to let it pass, and I pressed my foot to the accelerator. I was laughing as I reached the city. I felt as if I was a child who had been confined to his room, but somehow had managed to escape. I drove past Andre’s building three times. There were no lights on. Maybe he was celebrating Thanksgiving with his family. I drove by the bar too, thought about 55
D. J. Manly going inside, but changed my mind. I didn’t want to go in the bar. I wanted to see Andre, and as the moments ticked by, I felt quite desperate to do so. I sat in my car for the longest time before I opened my phone and dialled his cell. It rang several times. I closed the connection. A few minutes later, I dialled it again. I could leave a message and…but this time, he picked up. I saw his face and I melted inside. The tears welled up in my eyes, and I couldn’t speak. “Dominic,” he said. The last time we were together, I hadn’t even said goodbye. “I’m sorry,” I began. “I’m sorry.” It was all I could think of to say “What are you sorry for?” “Leaving you last time without…” “What do you want, Dominic?” It wasn’t said harshly, but I felt injured. “I…well…to talk, to say hello. I don’t have very long and… “You never have very long.” “Can we meet?” There was this long silence. He looked away from the phone a minute as if he were talking to someone. “Andre?” “Yeah,” he turned back to the phone. “There’s a coffee shop at the corner of Washington and Firth. Meet me there in a half hour.” 56
Borderline I was disappointed. I didn’t want to drink coffee, but it was better than nothing. “Okay.” He hung up. I had drunk two cups of coffee even before he arrived. When no one was looking, I took out my little silver flask and laced it with bourbon. I didn’t see Andre standing there at the door when I poured some into my third cup. His eyes looked at the flask, then at me. I slipped it back into the inside pocket of my jacket. I couldn’t stop staring at him as he slid into the seat across from me. The waitress came over with coffee before I could say anything. “Want some?” I asked, patting the flask under my jacket. He shook his head. His hair had grown a bit longer and he needed a shave. I thought he was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. “How are you, Dominic?” I looked down at my hands. “Alright I guess, and you?” “Fine. What are you doing here?” “You have a habit of asking me that.” I picked up the spoon and rattled it against my saucer. “You have a habit of turning up out of the blue.” I met his eyes. “I…well I needed to get away. I feel as if I’m being suffocated, like I’m trapped, you know, with no way out and…” The words 57
D. J. Manly poured out of me before I even knew what in the hell it was I was saying. I wanted to punch the wall, smash something. I was rattling now, speaking words but I couldn’t really hear them. “Stop,” Andre reached over and grabbed my hands. “Just stop.” There were several people scattered around the restaurant. Their eyes were on me. “I can’t…stay here,” I hissed. I pushed out of the seat and rushed out of the café. A few minutes later, Andre was there. He took my arm, turned me around and led me down the street to the park. “Sit down,” he said, indicating a park bench. I sat on the bench, putting my head in my hands. A few seconds later, I took out my flask and gulped some. Andre watched me silently. “That’s not the answer.” “Oh come on, don’t lecture me, for Christ’s sakes.” He made a face. “Are things not going well?” “That’s just it,” I sneered, “things are going perfectly well…just fucking splendid, according to fucking plan.” “What is it you want, Dominic?” He sat down beside me now, his eyes assessing me. I drained my flask. “Dominic?” “Yes. What is it I want? I don’t know what I…” 58
Borderline But I did know. I knew it so well. It was something that I could never have. I searched his face, then raised my hand and caressed his cheek with my fingertips. “Take me back to your place. I want to…” “No.” He stood up. Like a child, I reacted with anger. “Why not? I don’t understand. I thought…” “You thought what?” he spat. “You thought you could just pop up here anytime you felt like it and we’d fuck? I can’t, Dominic. I can’t do it so you’ll just have to…” He trailed off. He was angry. I was feeling rejected. “Fine,” I said. “Fuck you then. I’ll go and fuck a hundred men at that bar and…” “A hundred?” He lifted an eyebrow. His anger had passed, just like that. He smiled. His smiles were infectious. I smiled back. “Well, maybe not a hundred.” He pulled me to my feet and put an arm around me. “Well, you’d better get started then. The clock is ticking.” I playfully pushed him away, then reached for him. We walked hand in hand through the park. July 24, 2046 I’ve taken my little book out to the garden tonight. Vanessa has gone to visit a friend. I got home around 59
D. J. Manly eight o’clock. Vanessa was up eating breakfast and she didn’t say much. I managed to drag myself to my afternoon class but I practically fell asleep. But that’s okay. God, I’ve never felt so happy in such a long time. Andre was so tender and passionate last night in the way he held me, in the way he fucked me, I felt overwhelmed with it, wrapped in the cocoon of arms. For awhile there, I thought it wasn’t going to happen. He seemed to be resisting me, keeping me at arm’s length. We had a drink. We didn’t talk much. We just looked at each other. I undid my shirt and put it on the back of the sofa. We kept looking at each other. I wanted it so badly. I don’t know what I would have done if he had refused me. Somehow I knew it was inevitable. I stood up and walked to his bedroom. I stripped off all my clothes and waited on his bed. I scarcely dared breathe, listening to every little movement. Finally when I heard him enter the room, I started to breathe again. He told me it wasn’t fair, and you know, I didn’t give a shit if he thought it was fair or not. He took off his clothes and dropped them on the floor. I opened my arms to him, and when I felt him sink down into my arms, I held him so tightly. I was afraid he’d pull away but he didn’t. He began to touch me, and kiss me. He drove me to the brink and then held me there, hovering on the edge until he found it in his mercy to release me from my agony. When it was over, I kissed him. I spent precious minutes just kissing him; his mouth, his cheeks, his eyes, his neck. I kissed his chest and his cock, and I brought him to orgasm with my mouth. I felt his 60
Borderline body tremble, heard him moan softly in his throat, his hips moving upward, then a soft cry, and I allowed my cheek to rest against his stomach, splayed my hand across his chest and I thought for a moment that I could die there, and it would be okay. He was sleeping when I left. I wrote him a note. I said, “Andre, I love you.” I did. God, I do. Well, it’s enough now, Vanessa is home. I haven’t heard from my father. I’m surprised. I expected him to blast me, but nothing. Maybe he realises that I’m a man now and…Van is coming. I closed the book and rested it on my knee. Vanessa glanced at me and at the book. “What’s that?” “Nothing,” I said. “Just notes for school. How was your evening?” “Good. Marcy is pregnant.” I sucked in some breath. “I thought you went to see your friends, not your sister?” “I did. Marcy phoned me today.” I glanced out the window at the flowers. “Where did you go last night?” I looked at her as I stood up. “For a ride. I was tense. Too much work.” “Long ride,” she mumbled. “Yes. I went for a drink.” “You’ve been drinking a lot lately.” “Now, you’re my mother?” “No, I just think…” “Well, don’t,” I told her and walked inside. It 61
D. J. Manly wasn’t her fault, none of it but who else could I look at everyday and resent? I wasn’t happy with her, and I doubted very much if she was happy with me. I had been drinking, and a lot. When I was too exhausted to work anymore, I began to feel, and drinking numbed the feelings. **** One night, about two weeks later, the worse thing imaginable happened. Andre showed up outside my door. “Dominic,” Vanessa called out suddenly. “There’s someone here to see you.” I blinked open my eyes. I was sitting in one of the recliners in the living room, a half empty bottle of rum clutched between my thighs. I had been watching a hockey game, and had fallen asleep during intermission. I was about to close them again when she walked into the room. “Dominic, there’s a Mr. Jarvis here to see you. He says it’s urgent. He looks… ah… really upset.” I was wide awake suddenly. I stood up, the bottle slipping to the floor, and spilling all over the carpet. Vanessa let out a cry and ran for something, while I stumbled to the door. I opened it wide, peering out into the frosty night. Sure enough, Andre stood there by his vehicle. I walked outside 62
Borderline in my shoes, no coat on, my expression obviously conveying my disapproval. “How did you get in here? How did you get across the border?” “What? No hello, Andre, how are you, Andre?” I’d never seen him look so angry, but then so was I, angry and frightened. “What…do you…?” “I want you to tell your father to back off!” I almost fell over. “My father?” “He had my business loan recalled. I have thirty days to come up with the money, or I lose everything.” “That has nothing to do with…” “Your father paid me a little visit, shortly after…” “My father came to visit you, but how did he know?” “He knows everything, and he told me if I don’t back off, he’ll send someone to teach me a lesson. He practically threatened my life, and this…shit…is just a warning. Now you call him off…you get him to contact the bank and…” I shook my head. “I can’t believe that my father knows anything about…” I glanced back to see Vanessa peering out the window. “Look around you,” he growled. “Every time you piss in this place, someone knows. Every time you decide you need a cock up your ass, and you…” “Keep your voice down,” I told him. “The 63
D. J. Manly neighbours…” “I don’t give a fuck about your neighbours, this is my life here and…” I was shivering. I took a step closer to him. “Andre, we’ll work it out, we don’t need to involve my father. Maybe I can…” “I don’t want your charity,” he said. “I want…” He paused. Sirens were sounding in the distance. “Fucking great. You called the cops?” “No,” I said. I looked back at the window. Vanessa was gone. I sighed. Hampton Security was all over Andre in a minute. Two of the men grabbed him while he struggled and shot darts at me with his eyes. “Do you know this man?” One of them asked me. “Yes,” I said. “He ah…did some work for my father and…” “And what is he doing here now?” “Ah…we were talking about his work.” “Someone said he was being aggressive. There was shouting. Did you okay his entry?” “No, I mean, yes, yes I did. We were discussing his work. He wasn’t happy with what my father paid him.” “Why didn’t he go there then?” “My father refused to talk to him.” I was lying through my teeth, telling a story which I was sure would never be backed up by Andre. But who were they going to believe? They’d believe me 64
Borderline over an outsider any day. “Where are you taking him?” “To lock-up.” “He really didn’t do anything. We had a disagreement, that’s all.” “We’ll sort it out with him, and your father.” “My…father?” “Yes. Your father asked us to look out for this guy. He’s dangerous, and his border pass has been permanently denied.” I tried not to look shocked. I didn’t want to believe that my father knew about Andre and I, but apparently he did. I watched them drive away, my heart sinking into my feet. I was half frozen but I couldn’t feel it. Vanessa eventually came out and led me inside. She threw a blanket around me as I shivered. “I need a drink,” I told her. When she didn’t move to get me one, I stood up and poured myself one. “Who is that man?” she asked when I drained the glass and poured a second. “No one.” “Yes, he is someone and he was very angry with you. I’ve never seen him before.” “He owns the company that set up our wedding tent and made the arch.” “Oh, and he had a fight with your father?” “About the salary, and Dad won’t deal with 65
D. J. Manly him so…” I trailed off, and swallowed some more liquor. Then sitting the glass down, I walked out into the hallway and began to put on my boots. “Where are you going?” Vanessa asked. “To Security headquarters.” “Why? Your father will handle it.” I shrugged into my coat and grabbed my car keys. I think I said ‘goodnight,’ then I went outside and started my vehicle. Twenty minutes later, I walked into the station. There was an officer at the front desk. He nodded at me. “Mr. Hampton.” “Good evening.” I craned my neck down the hall. I could see Andre sitting in a little room behind some glass. I saw part of a man’s body standing nearby, the coat was navy and wool. I knew it belonged to my dad. “I’d like to see my father.” “Have a seat,” the officer said. He got up and headed down the hall. I sat down in one of the allotted chairs, and craned my neck again to see Andre. He was no longer sitting there. What would they do to him? I stood up suddenly as I saw my father heading towards me, tall, lean, his grey eyes narrowed the way they often were. “Son.” He placed a hand on my shoulder, propelling me with him. When we’d reached the end of the hallway, he met my eyes. He left his hand on my shoulder, and said, “Well, 66
Borderline what a fine mess this is, isn’t it? It seems your little wanderings across the borders have come back to bite us in the ass.” I sucked in some breath. “Dad, I swear…” “Don’t lie to me. I know you’ve been sucking his cock.” His words were clipped, deliberate, yet they had this eerie calmness to them. “There is something you need to understand, Dominic, no cock is good enough to fuck up your career in politics. No price is high enough to pay to make sure that the good name of this family continues down through the generations. Do I make myself clear?” His hand tightened on my shoulder. I nodded, my throat dry. “Now, he’s being charged with trespassing, disturbing the peace and uttering threats. I’ve agreed to drop the charges on the condition that he never crosses that line again, and that he never sees you again.” “What about his bank loan, is there any way that…” “Again, son,” my father removed his hand, “there is no price too high. He’s lucky I don’t put his ass behind bars for fifty years. Don’t you dare ask any favours for him!” I lowered my head. “And, you’re drunk!” “No, I just had a few…” “You’re drunk, and you’re a disgrace.” Two 67
D. J. Manly hands clamped down on my shoulders now and I felt my back hit the wall. “Now you listen good, boy, you’re going to shape up. You’re going to do the bar, get a few years of practise in, run for office, make me and your mother proud, and stay away from the borderline! Now that’s not too much to ask for all we’ve given you. And later on, when you’re a big man in this world, you can pay for your cock, and no one will know the better, but for now, when you want to rut, bang your wife and leave your seed where it can do some good!” He released me. Taking a breath, he smoothed down his coat and nodded. “Now, I have to sign some papers. They’ll release him tomorrow but tonight…well…he’ll spend it here,” he glanced over at the officer at the desk and smiled, “with the boys.” The officer nodded. I sucked in some breath. “Dad, please…” I said, “don’t let them…” “Phil,” my father turned away from me, “take my son home, will you? I’ll arrange for his car to be brought to him tomorrow.” I went to protest but the one called Phil came over and took my by the arm. “Come on, Mr. Hampton. I’ll take you home.” **** Christmas
came
and
went. 68
I
hated
every
Borderline minute…the two families together, comparing who bought who the most expensive gift, Vanessa’s brothers’ children, tearing through the house and the talk about her sister’s pregnancy. I thought of Andre often, but I wasn’t fool enough to attempt to see him. I knew for his sake and mine, it was better that I didn’t. What killed me the most was the thought that he must hate me. I had stood by and done nothing while he lost his business and got roughed up in jail. That day after Andre had been arrested, I walked all the way to the security station. I sat in a little coffee shop down the street and kept my eyes open. I wanted to make sure that Andre walked out of that station in one piece. When I finally did see him, it was almost suppertime. The snow was falling hard. He was limping a little, but he looked alright. I wasn’t close enough to see his face. He was escorted to his vehicle, and followed by a squad car as he drove off down the road. It was almost March before I decided to study seriously for the bar. Vanessa and I hadn’t had sex for weeks and I knew I was going to have to do it sometime. It wasn’t that I hated having sex with her; it was just that I didn’t have the energy. Studying was taking a great deal of my time, and then there were always family functions and charity dances. My father wanted me to meet all the ‘right’ people, so I was expected to be in 69
D. J. Manly attendance at all social functions. Finally, I took the bar, then almost tore my hair out waiting for the results. In May, I was finally a lawyer. My parents threw a huge party and invited everyone who was anyone. At the party, the first moment I got, I took a bottle of wine and went to sit by myself on the patio. I closed my eyes, wondering how in hell I was going to spend my days working for Pratt, Samson and Smart, when I got the clearest picture of Andre in my head. It quickly disappeared however when a few of the guests came outside to join me, and began talking about what a great law firm I was about to be a part of. May 20, 2046 Already a week at this place, and I hate it. I hate contract law too. It’s the same shit day after day. I wanted to do criminal law but of course, Daddy forbade it. The Hampton’s were not criminal lawyers; we were there to protect our own, the champions of the white collar criminal! Today, my father took me to lunch and he began talking political parties. God, can there be anything duller in life than politics…well maybe contract law. At least our waiter was cute. He looked a little like Andre with his…Andre, damn. I hope he’s alright. I was thinking that if I could cross the border for business purposes or for Vanessa’s birthday… They have a nice jeweller’s downtown, and I’m sure I saw a 70
Borderline great bracelet there for Van. Maybe I could go. I hadn’t been for awhile. What if I was followed? What if Andre got hurt again? Maybe he wouldn’t see me anyway. My boss is bellowing again in the outer office. He does that. Smith is okay, but he’s creepy. Okay, I got to put this away. If I cross the border for the bracelet, I’ll just go to the store, and come right back. I left work early the next day and drove to the border. I had called the jewellers and pre-ordered the bracelet. I knew Vanessa would like it. I told the border guard that I was going to Jackson’s Jewellers to pick up a surprise for my wife. It was only three in the afternoon. I didn’t think it looked suspicious. The guard told me to wait. He made a phone call, then, returned to say it was alright. He raised the gate and I was on my way. I had put Andre’s number to memory. I didn’t dare store it in my phone anymore. I stopped in front of the Jewellers’ and opened my phone. It had been a little while since the incident; surely he’d forgiven me by now, or maybe forgotten about it. I knew his company still existed because I looked it up in the business directory. I had rehearsed what I was going to say. I was just calling to see how he was. I was in town and…let’s have a coffee or…maybe I could come over. No, better not to go to his place. I pushed the numbers with my finger, and waited. When the face appeared on the phone, it wasn’t 71
D. J. Manly Andre’s. I almost hung up, then I checked the number written below. It was the right number. “Who are you?” The face was young, handsome, male. “I’m Steve. Who wants to know?” “I want to speak with Andre. Is he there?” “Ah, yeah, he’s ah…working though. Can he call you back? Is this a contract?” “No, it’s not a contract and I have to speak to him now. Tell him it’s an old friend.” “Does he have the number because…” “Just put him on the fucking phone.” “Okay chill man, peace. Hold on.” I waited for a few minutes, impatiently. Who in hell was this guy answering Andre’s phone? When his face appeared, he didn’t say anything for a moment. I was the first one to speak. “Andre. How are you?” “What…what do you want? I can’t believe that…” “I’m sorry for everything. I’m in town for a…” “For a fuck?” “Andre, no. Listen, come have a coffee with me and…” “I have no time for coffee.” “How’s your business going? I see that it’s still running and…” “No thanks to you. I took on a partner.” “That punk who answered the…?” 72
Borderline “He’s not a punk, and he’s not my partner, that’s my partner’s son.” “That’s convenient.” “Yeah, it is. And I fuck him every chance I get. Now if that’s all, I have to get back to…” “Andre, I love you.” It just came out, without me even thinking about it. “A little late for that now, don’t you think?” “No, I don’t think,” I snapped. “I need to see you so we can talk and…” “You’re just about due for your quarterly fuck, is that it?” “Andre,” I pleaded. “My hands were tied, I…” “You’re a coward, and I don’t want to see you again. Stay out of my life, Dominic, stay over on your side of border. You’ve caused me enough shit.” The connection was gone. He’d hung up. I slammed my fist against the dashboard several times. I threw the phone on the floor. “Son of a bitch!” When I finally calmed down, I tried redialling. No answer. I got out of the car, threw my phone on the pavement and smashed it beneath my heel. I walked into the jewellers and bought the first thing I saw, a diamond and ruby studded wristwatch. I’d forgotten all about the bracelet. Several times I drove by his apartment before I crossed the border. I didn’t dare stop in case someone saw me. I was in a foul mood when I got 73
D. J. Manly home. Vanessa served some sort of fish dish for supper and I never tasted it. I drank several glasses of wine, and then told her I had a lot of work to do in my study. I took a bottle of brandy, went in the little room with the computer and locked the door. I began to surf the net, looking up male porn sites and ogling the pictures of naked men. I drank, then, I searched for interactive sites where men were being tied up and fucked. I masturbated until I was raw. I managed to polish off half the bottle before I decided that I didn’t need Andre anymore. I wouldn’t need to ask Daddy’s permission to cross the border anymore. I’d give him what he wanted, a grandson. **** My son was born a year later. My father insisted we call him Clinton after my grandfather. He was adorable, and he was the answer to my prayers in more ways than one. I was right about my father not caring about my border crossings anymore after Clinton came along. He actually came to me one night and gave me his blessing. “After you were born,” he told me, sitting down to have a drink in my study, “I crossed often. I pumped more pussy than I can count. A woman’s cunt gets a little loose after a baby, you know. I wanted tight. You go and find yourself some tight pussy, 74
Borderline son,” he told me. “It’s your right. Just be discrete.” I felt as if someone had opened the door to my prison. I was going to cross the border alright, I thought. I’ll find tight…tighter than you’ve ever had, Daddy, and it’s not going to be pussy. **** I hadn’t seen Andre for over a year, but I’d thought about him enough. I thought about his tight ass and hard body, and told myself that’s all it was. I could find plenty of ‘Andres.’ So, one Friday afternoon after work, I phoned Vanessa to tell her I had a late meeting. “Don’t wait up.” She didn’t question me. In fact, ever since the baby came along she didn’t seem to give a shit what I did. That was fine with me. When I got into the city, I have to admit; I took a roundabout way to get to downtown and drove past Andre’s building. I just drove past, nothing more. I wondered if that guy was still around, the one who had answered his phone. I told myself I couldn’t care less. I went to a raunchy dress shop and bought the tightest pair of black leather pants I could find and paired it with a paper-thin white silk shirt. Next came sleek black leather boots which were all the rage again. I kept the clothes on, paid, and shoved my suit and dress shoes into the trunk. I drove in the direction of that bar I had 75
D. J. Manly gone to the night I had met up with Andre for the first time. I parked the car nearby and began to explore a bit. I felt free, I felt horny as hell, and honestly I was up for pretty well anything. It had been almost a year and a half since I’d had sex with a man. I found what I was looking for on a side street. The place was dark, with one flashing sign which said, ‘Adventures.’ I walked up to the door and pulled it open. Music blasted at me as I entered. The place was packed with wall to wall men. I pushed my way in, feeling hands on my ass as I went. When I reached the open area, there was a man all dressed in leather on stage, complete with a mask, feeding a huge, oiled, metal cock into a bound guy’s ass. I turned around and went to the bar. I ordered whiskey straight up, drank it, and then ordered another. I turned around and surveyed the area. Men danced together on the dance floor to my left, and others sat around drooling over the sex scene on the stage. To the far right, I could see a stream of men filing into another room. A guy saddled up to me now, not my type, definitely horny. He rubbed his cock and grinned at me. “What ‘cha up for?” “Haven’t decided. What’s in there?” I indicated the line of men disappearing into the room. “Well, want to find out?” 76
Borderline I licked my lips. “Maybe.” He laughed. “It’s dark and everyone gets down and dirty. You could get tied up, fisted, fucked in all orifices. That what you want?” I finished my drink and put it down on the bar. I winked at him, “Yeah, that’s exactly what I want.” May 22, 2046 Finally, a minute to myself. When I got home last night at a quarter to four, the baby was crying. I didn’t get any sleep at all. Good thing I don’t have to go into work today. OMG, the things I did at that bar last night, and all I can think now is how I can’t wait to go back. The sense of freedom, the extreme and utter pleasure. I know I could easily get addicted. Even now, thinking about it makes me hard. I have to admit that I was a little on edge when I walked into that room in the back. It was pitch black, and all I could hear were sounds of hot flesh slapping and the animalistic grunts and groans and oh God, I wanted some of that. In fact, my body seemed to need it, crave it… As my eyes adjusted to the light, I could make out bodies. I could see muscles moving under skin, and hands sliding over penises. I wanted to be used. To be honest, I didn’t give a damn what they did to me, as long as someone touched me. Well, I didn’t have to wait very long. Strong hands seized my biceps from behind. They moved down around my hips to open my pants. I held my breath as the zip went 77
D. J. Manly down. When my pants and underwear fell around my ankles, I felt a fist grip my cock, and teeth bite into the tip of my earlobe. As the fist squeezed my cock, another hand slapped my ass a few times, then caressed it. Lips were at my neck, a firm erection was pressing my ass, and I was pressed forward until I felt the wall with the palms of my hands. The hand moved off my cock and wrapped around my waist, yanking my ass backwards so I was forced to bend forward. By this time I was breathing hard, my balls were pulling upwards and my cock was grazing the concrete. The man behind me said nothing, maybe that’s what was turning me on so much. I could imagine him to be anything…or anyone… I felt my butt cheeks being spread, the air hitting my quivering entrance and I moaned a little. A finger teased the hole a little, the other hand roughly fondling my cock as if it were a piece of meat on display. The finger dipped into my hole. He licked his lips. Someone whispered, “He’s a whore…” and I felt my cock pulse. There were now two. A head appeared below me. A tongue licked my cock-head. The one behind jabbed his finger deeper inside of me, causing me to cry out. Someone was undoing the buttons of my shirt from behind. It was ripped downwards forcing my hands back behind me, tied together. The body behind me smoothed his hand up my chest and began casually toying with my nipple as his finger went deeper and deeper. I let my head go back as my cock was taken into someone’s throat…God…it was good. It was so hot, and all I could do was stand there on trembling knees 78
Borderline and accept what they were doing to me. I began to buck my hips, fucking the face below me, fucking the finger behind me. The mouth quickly released my cock, leaving me aching and throbbing. The voice behind me said, “I’m going to fuck your ass now,” and I felt something oily and wet begin to work into my asshole, then the head of his cock. He pulled me down. ‘On all fours, slut,’ he grunted and I was pressed to the cold cement. He went in all at once, rammed his meat inside me and God, it hurt, it hurt so damn good. He pulled me up to my knees, held me in an iron grip around the throat and fucked the hell out of my ass. Someone else twisted my nipples and slapped at my cock at the same time. As he blew his load into my ass, he tightened his hold around my neck. I screamed I came so hard. Umm, I’m touching myself now as I write this. I have to go back. I have to have some more…you see, Andre, I don’t need you. Besides, I can have you whenever I want…in the dark… **** So throughout that summer I lived my respectable little life, played lawyer, played family man, said everything everyone wanted to hear, then every chance I got, I crossed the border and went to that back room…that gave me the strength to go on. And when I had a moment, I wrote it all down in my little red book…and relived it. I allowed myself to think about Andre only when I was in 79
D. J. Manly the sanctuary of that room. Every cock that entered me belonged to him, every hand, every mouth, and whisper was Andre’s. And I told myself it had nothing to do with how I felt about him. Andre was ghost, a memory, a memory that was soon to become a hell of a lot more vivid. It was September and I was getting ready to attend a political congratulatory dinner. My father had just been re-elected. The babysitter had arrived and Vanessa was putting the finishing touches to her makeup. When she was finished, she came and gave me a hug. “You know,” she said, “you’ve been so much happier lately. Are you beginning to enjoy your job more?” Hell no. I still detested my job. What made me happier was crossing the border. Of course, I wasn’t about to tell her that. “Yes,” I said. “It’s getting a little more interesting.” “Good, I’m glad,” was her response. We left the house early. Vanessa seemed content to be dressing up for an evening out. The parking valet took the car, and we walked in to the lobby of the luxury hotel. Already there were an array of people there I knew. I stopped, shook hands, said hello. I could see my parents a few feet away engrossed in conversation with the mayor of Hampton. I took Vanessa’s arm and steered her in their direction. Mayor Rainbridge was a short man with a 80
Borderline moustache which seemed far too large for his face. He introduced his wife to us, a large woman with a ruddy complexion, and I introduced Vanessa. My father, anxious to have me speak with the mayor pulled me over to his side, and told the mayor that I was considering a career in politics. “Really? Well, it’s in your blood,” he said, a twinkle in his eyes. “When your Granddad was mayor of Hampton, there was no nonsense going on.” He lowered his voice. “I think we are letting in just too many outsiders now. It’s the business community, that Thomas Delany. I’m sure he was a product of his promiscuous daddy getting it across the border so damn much.” “Thomas Delany is now the head of the Business league, isn’t he?” I asked, looking around, noticing that my mother and Vanessa were being talked a blue streak by the mayor’s wife. “Yes, unfortunately. His father might have been an immoral pig, but he understood the traditions of Hampton. He would have never agreed to bringing in an outsider to act as a business liaison. And you know,” he lowered his voice, looking around, “he’s sleeping with him. He took one of those out of the gutter and…well. They’re living together, you know? His parents are scandalized.” I shifted a bit uncomfortably. “He has left his wife…she’s a Sheffield, and 81
D. J. Manly their two children. Having a business liaison will lead to no good. We’ll have more and more of them in here and the first thing you know, we’ll be infested.” My father shook his head. “We won’t let it get to that point. You’d think Delany be more discrete. Isn’t there some way to…” “We have to be careful,” he said, clapping my father on the shoulder. “Delany is part of the old guard. It wouldn’t go down well to watch us turn on each other, at least not publicly. This is the time we need to stay together more than ever.” My father nodded in agreement. I was about to ask a question when the Mayor suddenly cleared his throat and motioned a little with his head to the left of us. “Well, speak of the devil, there’s Delany now… with his… ah… boyfriend… the new business border liaison. And since he’s one of us now, I guess I’ll have to go and greet him. I am the one hosting this little shindig after all.” The Mayor grabbed his wife and made his way through the crowd. I followed the path the mayor and his wife took, spotting Delany just ahead of us. Vanessa came and took my hand, wanting to lead me off somewhere, and I lost him again. I had met Thomas Delany on more than one occasion. He was a man in his late thirties with dark hair and a rakish smile. He was handsome in a very 82
Borderline masculine way. I would have never guessed where his sexual tastes lay, but then again, why should I have? What I did know about him was that he was not a man to be taken lightly. He basically controlled the business community in Hampton, had shares in everything, and was the president of the Business committee. I’d also heard rumours that he wanted to open up the borders to encourage more business trade, including importing labour. There were some people in favour of this kind of exchange, but a lot of the old guards like my father and the mayor were vehemently opposed. A few minutes later, I was standing at the bar with a cognac in my hand, waiting for Vanessa to reappear out of the ladies room when I head someone say, “Hello, Dominic, how are you?” I turned around, expecting to see anyone but Andre Jarvis, but there he was. My eyes widened a little. I lowered my glass. I mouthed his name. I’m not sure I even said it. I felt a little breathless. He looked wonderful, seemingly better than before, perhaps because I didn’t realise how hungry my eyes had been for a glimpse of him. I told myself to stay calm. “Don’t worry,” he said, as if sensing my unrest. His voice was low and soft. “I’m not here to make trouble for you. You look great by the way. Life must be treating you well.” 83
D. J. Manly I looked around, then back at him. He was wearing an expensive dark suit, his hair neatly cut, clean shaven. He smelt of something wonderful. I almost reached out and touched him, but of course I couldn’t do that. He was about to say something else when Thomas Delany stepped up behind him. He bent down to say something beside his ear and I felt a stab of something that I pushed down into my gut. Delany glanced up at me as if it was the first time he’d seen me. He moved around Andre and extended his hand. “Hello, Mr. Hampton.” “Mr Delany.” I managed a tight smile. So Andre was fucking this guy. He’d gone from one insider to another. I almost sneered as I thought about it. Delany didn’t seem to notice my change in expression, or more likely, he didn’t give a shit. “I’d like to take some time to let you know that I’ll be running for mayor next year. I’d like to be able to count on your support.” I met his eyes. “I may be running myself next year, Mr. Delany.” “Ah,” he said, “a sudden decision?” He was right. It was sudden because actually, I hadn’t thought of it until that moment. “I’ve been considering it. It’s a tradition in my family.” “Yes,” he nodded, “but sometimes change is a good thing…for everyone.” 84
Borderline I smiled faintly. “So,” Delany took a breath, “I see you’ve met Andre Jarvis, the business border rep.” “Yes, we’re acquainted,” I said. Andre met my eyes for a second and then looked away. “It’s rare to bring in an outsider. Usually it’s been an insider who…” “Like I said, Hampton,” Delany tilted his head, “change is good. Have a great evening.” He walked away, Andre followed, pausing once to turn and look at me. He nodded at me, then, disappeared with Delany into the crowd. Vanessa chose that moment to appear. I turned to the bar and ordered another drink. “Dom?” My gut felt as if it were turned inside out. I turned around and glared at her. “Where in the hell have you been?” She looked surprised, glancing around to see if anyone had heard me bellow at her. “In the…I had to wait because…” “We do have a table, you know?” I snapped. “Let’s find it. Mom and Dad have been waiting an hour.” I took her arm. “I don’t want to be trying to find the table during the speeches. Come on.” I downed the drink and practically dragged her in the direction of our table. When Vanessa saw my parents, she went ahead, obviously miffed at me for yelling at her. I 85
D. J. Manly took my seat, and motioned to the waiter who walked by. “A whiskey,” I told him. It was my third, and I didn’t intend it to be my last. People kept stopping by the table to congratulate my father, and my mother gabbed on with Vanessa, which left me free to brood and to scan the room. It was true that Delany was a handsome man, older than me of course, far more sophisticated, maybe even better in bed. Although I’d certainly gained a lot of experience since the last time I’d slept with Andre. Suddenly, I caught sight of the two of them. They sat at the table directly in front of us, a little to the left, so that I had a clear view of them, especially Andre. Timothy Elgan, a politician known for his progressive stance on border exchange sat there too, with what I could only assume was his wife, a redhead wearing far too much rouge. My whiskey came, and then another. I was quite wasted before the meal was served. My father was complaining about the format of the dinner, saying they should have had the speeches before the meal, and my mother commented that the duck was a little dry. I shovelled the food into my mouth to keep myself from screaming. Nothing was ever good enough when it came to my parents, and I guess I wasn’t good enough either. If I became mayor of Hampton, well then 86
Borderline I’d have to aim to be a senator, and then maybe president of the goddamned country, and then what? I laughed a little to myself, causing Vanessa to lean over and ask me if I said something. “Me? No,” I said. “You’re not drunk, are you?” She gave me a look of disapproval. “No,” I muttered. “I’m not drunk, but I wish to fuck I was.” She narrowed her eyes. “What’s wrong, Dom?” “Nothing,” I told her. “Get off my case.” She backed off. My mother and she went to the bathroom to powder their noses or whatever it was women did in there. My father tucked into his dessert while I eyed Andre and Delany. “Stay away from him.” I blinked, moved my eyes from the table in front of me, to my father. “What did you say?” My father leaned closer, meeting my eyes. “I said, stay the fuck away from him.” “Who?” “Don’t play innocent with me, Dom. You know who. Just because he’s moved inside the border doesn’t mean you can embarrass this family with…” He trailed off. I tightened my fists under the table. “Besides,” my father tossed, lifting a forkful of pie into his mouth, “looks like he’s not interested in you anymore. He is a cleaver one. He’s set his 87
D. J. Manly sights on more profitable goods. He’s Delany’s now, and believe you me, Delany owns him. That fuck is going to cause a lot of shit before we kick his ass out of…” He was interrupted now by the M.C., who came to inform him that the program would commence in five minutes. Thank God, because every word he said felt as if he was piercing a nail through my heart. I was just about ready to stand up and punch him in the head, then go over there to Delany and rip his fucking heart out. The speeches began. I drank some more, and by the time my father got up to speak, I was close to passing out. Vanessa nudged me several times to keep me awake. At one point, during my father’s speech, he talked about the importance of protecting Hampton from outsiders. I saw Delany and Andre get up and leave. I followed them with my eyes until they reached the door. I tried to sit there and focus on my father’s words but all I could think of was Andre, naked, in Delany’s bed, and I stood up and scraped back my chair. It fell over, making a hellish noise. My father paused in mid-sentence and glared at me as a multitude of heads turned my way. I muttered something like ‘excuse me,’ and made for the door. I was sick in the parking lot. I heaved until there was nothing else to heave except for sadness and frustration. I hit the wall with my fist. Hot angry tears stung my 88
Borderline eyes. “Son of a bitch…son of a bitch…son of a bitch!!” September 23, 2046 I know where they live. Actually, it’s less than a few blocks from here. I walked it the other night. There was a lamp on in the living room. Cars were probably in the garage. I just wanted to see…see what? See what I could have had? See Andre in Delany’s arms, kissing him, giving him what rightfully is mine. What in hell am I talking about? Andre doesn’t belong to me. He can’t. I’d like to talk to him though, ask him if he misses me or…no, what I’d really like to do is look in his eyes, kiss his mouth, touch him, and feel him inside of me. I went to the bar last night. I got ripped and I went to town. God knows how many I fucked or how many fucked me and you know, I felt miserable after. I woke up this morning on the sofa in my office at the firm. I cancelled all my morning appointments, turned off my phone, locked myself in there, and slept until eleven. Then I came home. Vanessa was gone, volunteer work, the baby’s in daycare, and so I slept some more. It’s almost four in the afternoon now. I wonder if Andre is home. Dare I go up to the door and…what if Delany answers? Oh well, I could make up something. I have to ask Andre if he told him about us. Delany could use it in the election if I do run against him…maybe. Anyway, enough for now. 89
D. J. Manly **** I drove around Delany’s house three times before I stopped. One of the garage doors was open, and the garage was empty. Either Delany was gone, or Andre. I hoped to hell it was Delany. I stopped a few blocks down, then walked to the house and stepped up to the door. It was a nice house, grey stone with sage shutters and trim… far too big for Delany on his own. The door opened several seconds after I’d rung the bell, and Andre stood there, dressed in a navy blue sweatshirt and a pair of jeans. He was surprised to see me. “Hi,” I said, a slight smile, looking down at the ground a minute. “Yeah, well…hello.” “Can I speak to you a few minutes? It’s important. Are you alone?” He nodded, but he didn’t move to let me in. “You want to speak out here, or…” I began, running my tongue over my lips. My eyes moved over him, then, back to his face. He stood aside and let me in. I stood in the entrance. Everything gleamed, including the floors. “Nice,” I said. He shrugged. “What is it, Dominic?” “That’s it?” I laughed a little. “What is it, Dominic?” “What do you want me to say?” 90
Borderline My mouth tightened a little. “I don’t know. I suppose I want to know what in fuck you’re doing with him.” “What is it to you?” That hurt. I bit my bottom lip. “Nothing I suppose, except I thought that we meant something to each other and…” “That was a long time ago.” “Not that long.” “Dominic, I don’t want to talk about the past with you, so say what you have to say and…” “Are you in love with him?” He didn’t reply. “Are you…do you still…” I moved forward and touched his face. “Dominic,” he pushed my hand away, “stop it.” I was suddenly like a man possessed. I knew I couldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop until I had those pants down around his ankles and him on his knees. “Do you enjoy fucking him, Andre,” I asked, fuming with rage. I pushed him backwards until his back was against the wall. He moved his head quickly to the side as I tried to kiss him. I had one hand on his shoulder, and the other struggling to undo his pants. He was fighting me, trying to push my hand away from his crotch, swearing at me under his breath. I tried to kiss him again, but unsuccessfully, and finally managed to get my hand inside his underwear. I 91
D. J. Manly wrapped my hand around the head of his cock and closed my eyes, my forehead lowering to rest against his shoulder. “Andre,” I whispered, feeling his cock in my hand, hard. He was as hard as I was. His chest heaved and for a minute, I thought he was going to surrender, but then he shoved me away. I stumbled backwards, almost fell, reached out and steadied myself against the door. “Get out,” he said. I was trembling, the sweat was pouring down my face. I met his eyes. His were filled with anger. Was there anything else? Please God, let there be something else. “You’re hard,” I accused. “You still want me.” I could see him swallow, watched him as he tucked himself in his jeans and slid the zipper up. “Why don’t you leave it alone, Dominic? You’re killing me.” I was going to say something but he put up a hand. I saw the misery in his eyes for the first time. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve loved you, and how many hours I’ve wasted thinking you’d come to your senses? But you didn’t. You gave in. You let yourself be dictated to. All this shit was worth more than our love. It’s over, Dominic. You ended it, and there’s certainly no point in…” “I love you, Andre,” I told him. “I’ve tried to 92
Borderline forget you. Sometimes I think that I have and then…seeing you with him is…I can’t stand the pain.” “Pain? I know pain. Now I guess it’s your turn.” His mouth trembled a little. “What did you come here for today…really?” “I… I wanted to know if… does he know… about us?” He shook his head. I sighed. “I knew it would be something along those lines.” “It wasn’t the real reason, it was an excuse to…” “No, it was the real reason, and seeing me was just an added benefit.” “You don’t believe me when I tell you I love you, do you?” There was a bitter tone to my voice. “Are you willing to give up everything for me?” “Well…ah…why do I …?” “When you’re willing to give all this up for me, to come and live outside this border, then I’ll believe you.” “That’s not fair,” I replied, shaking my head. “You have to understand that…” He shook his head. “Dominic,” he said sharply, “have you ever heard that old saying, ‘action speaks louder than words’?” 93
D. J. Manly I shook my head. “You want too much.” “Yeah, and you don’t want enough.” He looked at me. I stood there stunned. “Fuck you,” I turned on my heel, I threw the door open wider. “I don’t need you,” I told him without looking at him, then sprinted down the path. I ran all the way back to my car. Out of breath, I checked my watch. It was almost suppertime. I crawled into my car, called home and left Vanessa a message, “I have a lot of work. I’ll be home late,” then I headed to the border. By seven o’clock I was being blown by a muscle-bound stranger in the back room of Adventures. I braced myself against the wall, grabbed his head and fucked his face like there was no tomorrow. It took me forever to come, then, when I did, it felt almost superficial. I shoved off the other hands and bodies showing interest, zipped up my pants and walked out of there. I stopped by a liquor shop, bought a bottle of whiskey and found a quiet spot on a dark road to drink it. When I finally opened my eyes again, the sun was up. I blinked at my watch and realised it was after ten. My cell phone was flashing and I knew I was supposed to be somewhere. As it turned out, I’d missed a court date with an important client. I roared back across the border, ignoring the looks I got from the guard 94
Borderline and squealed into my parking space at the firm. I knew I looked like hell, although I tried to clean up as best I could. I ran my hand through my hair, dabbed at the liquor stains on my shirt and sprayed myself with air freshener I kept in the car. Instead of a brewery, I know I smelled like summer bouquet or some fucking thing. I always kept a fresh suit in my office so hopefully I could change before the boss saw me. No such luck. Alexis Pratt was just coming out of her office when I got off the elevator. She waited for me to approach, her eyes taking in every detail. “Hampton.” “Alexis, I can…” “Can you?” She lifted a dark eyebrow. “Good because your client is in my office. Do you understand that the trial has been postponed now for God knows how long?” I nodded. “Where in hell have you been?” “I lost track of time…I had…my car broke down and…” She took my arm and led me down the hall. People were watching carefully. “Do you realise that the only reason you’re still working here is because your name is Hampton?” How could I answer that? How could I tell her that I hated this job, and that if my name wasn’t Hampton, I’d be doing something else? 95
D. J. Manly “You’ve been drinking, and it’s not the first time.” I looked down at the floor. “I have no excuse.” “Change your clothes and meet me in my office in ten minutes. We’ll do what we can to salvage the client.” With that, she marched off, and I dragged myself to my office and changed my clothes. October 12, 2046 Work has been hell. Pratt has been threatening me a lot, hinting about having a chat with my father at the club. It’s her way of keeping me in line. I’ve been a good boy lately, although it hasn’t been easy. I save my border excursions for the weekend. Vanessa is happy because she’s been getting it a lot. It seems I want it all the time lately. If I’m not being fucked on the weekend, I’m fucking her during the week. Andre is never far from my mind. I hate him…I love him. I drive by that house…I go out of my way to drive by, but I never see him. He’s either inside or gone. I wonder if he thinks about me when he’s in bed with him…or is it only me that does that? The following week, Pratt called me into her office early. I was sure I was in shit for something again, but instead she was smiling. “Well, sometimes connections are important,” she began, offering me coffee. 96
Borderline I raised an eyebrow. “The entire city of Hampton is based on that premise.” She grinned. “Yes, Hampton, but we don’t admit that.” I shrugged, and nodded. “You have just been named as legal advisor to the panel which is being set up to challenge Thomas Delany’s proposed changes to crossborder trade.” I was speechless. “Well, aren’t you going to say anything? Do you realise what a wonderful contract this is? This will go on forever.” I blinked. “Of course, I’m pleased,” I lied. “The client is?” “A new political group called ‘The Coalition for Citizen Protection.” I laughed a little. “Led by my father?” “The Mayor actually, but your father is a part of it.” “The mayoral race is coming up this summer. What happens if the mayor isn’t re-elected?” “That’s a long way off, Dominic. The hearings are scheduled to begin end of the month.” So that was it. I wouldn’t need to drive by that house every day to see Andre anymore. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that…lost, sad, excited, in despair? All of those things mixed up in there, and more. 97
D. J. Manly I spent the next few weeks knee-deep in laws and statues and all the crap that was written down from the time of Hampton’s conceptualization. My father called me several times during those weeks to ask me to find this and that piece of information for him. He was raring to get going. When the first morning of the hearings began, I threw up my breakfast. It was the thought of facing Andre across that table every day, and the knowledge that we had one hell of a fight on our hands. October 3, 2046 The first few days of negotiations have been hell. Both sides are determined and passionate. It’s a little strange to see politics and business split like this. It’s never happened here before. It is clearly the left versus the right, the status quo versus change, and the fact that Andre and I are on different sides is telling. The media is having a field day with it and the citizenry is beginning to line up on either side. I haven’t contributed much so far. I’ve been listening mostly. Andre has been doing a hell of a lot of talking. I find myself mesmerised by him, being swayed by his argument, and of course each time he so much as casts a glance in my direction, my heart beats like a drum. I have to see him, have to talk to him on his own. I want him so much I ache all over just thinking about it. I hate the way that fuck Delany looks at him. I hate the 98
Borderline way he touches him, or the sly little glances. Got to stop now, Vanessa is coming and I’m horny as hell. Will write more soon. The more the days went by, the more I hated Delany. As we left for lunch one blustery day in early November, I listened to my father and the mayor talking about what dirt they could possibly dig up on Delany. “He’s announced his intention to run for mayor,” my father said. “When did he do that?” I piped up, loosening my tie as we entered the restaurant. “Last night on the news,” the mayor replied. “We got to get you a campaign, son,” my father said, sitting down at his usual table. I shook my head. “I don’t think I’m ready.” “Well, get ready,” my father snapped. I looked up, putting down my briefcase. Even the mayor seemed surprised at the way he’d spoken to me. “Listen,” his voice softened some, “if that asshole Delany becomes mayor of this town, Hampton will be lost. We are losing control. You need to run, and you need to beat him. And we need to ruin that fuck.” The thought of ruining Thomas Delany had its appeal. I nodded. “I’ll run, and whatever it takes to take that bastard Delany down, I’m in.” 99
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**** Late that afternoon after the meeting had wrapped up for the weekend; I was surprised to find Andre waiting for me near my car. When I saw him standing there in the distance, his dark hair blowing around his face in the wind, my heart started to pound like a drum. When I got closer, my heart sunk. It was not a face that looked pleased to see me. The smile fell off my face as I stopped in front of him. “Hey,” I said. “This is unusual. I’m not even sure it’s ethical.” “Oh fuck your bullshit,” he said between clenched teeth. “Why are you doing this?” “Doing what?” “You know what? You’re fighting the very thing that has made your life hell, the very thing that has kept us apart. Do you know how much it hurts to see you sitting on the other side of the table day after day?” “Come to protect your boyfriend?” I sneered. He pursed his lips. “Is that what you think this is about?” I pointed my finger at him. “We’re going to ruin him…take him down.” “And the reason you want to take him down is because he’s trying to change things, or because I’m fucking him?” 100
Borderline Our eyes met. My mouth went dry. “I don’t give a shit who…” He grabbed my arm. “Yes you do.” He was so close to me, I couldn’t breathe. He pulled me forward and kissed me, deep, passionate, hard. Then he released me. I stood there frozen. “Follow me.” He walked over and got into his car a few feet away. I heard his boots crunching on the snow. I didn’t know where he was taking me. I started the car, and followed. After a few blocks, he pulled over to the curb, locked his vehicle and walked over to mine. He got into the passenger side. “Okay drive,” he said, looking straight ahead. A few blocks later, he pointed to a strip mall. “Pull in there.” “But there’s nothing…” He glanced at me. “It’s okay.” When we had parked, he told me to lock the car. He got out. I followed at his heels. I wanted to ask him where we were going but he was walking too quickly. It was all I could do to keep up with him. We walked around the parking lot, down another street, and into the entrance of one of Hampton’s less expensive hotels. In the entrance, he told me, “go up to the tenth floor, and wait for me.” I walked directly to the elevator, scarcely 101
D. J. Manly daring to breath. Was this a dream? If it was, I didn’t want to wake up. Five minutes later, the elevator opened and he stepped off. He didn’t say a word. He walked down the hall and stopped in front of room 1020. He slipped in the magnetic key, then, pushed the door open. Again, I followed him in and closed the door. Andre threw the key on the bureau, then turned around and looked at me. He took off his coat. “Sometimes,” he said, “I wish I’d never set eyes on you. You’ve ruined my life. Don’t you know that?” He pulled his sweater over his head, and walked over to me. He pulled at my coat. I shrugged it off, my eyes never leaving him. He yanked me by my tie over to the bed. “Take it off, strip.” “I don’t…” “Don’t talk. There’s no time.” He pulled off his t-shirt, then began to undo his pants. He paused to look at me for a moment. “What’s the matter?” “N…nothing. I just…” I was shaking all over, and my cock was throbbing. “You don’t want me anymore, Dominic?” He met my eyes. I moaned softly, closed my eyes. He took my tie off, undid the buttons on my shirt, threw off my suit jacket. He ran his hands over my shoulders and then moved his tongue 102
Borderline over one of my nipples. His hand grabbed my cock through my pants, then hastily undid them and drew it out. His eyes absorbed it for a moment, his fingers playing across the expanse of it. “How I’ve missed that cock,” he said softly. I placed my hand on his head and pressed him downwards. “Then show me,” I said gruffly, my voice full of emotion. “Show me, Andre.” I tried to catch my breath as his lips surrounded the head of my cock, tried not to make a sound but I did. It was loud, and it sounded like a wounded animal. And the deeper he drew me into his throat, the faster my tears flowed. I came, crying like a baby. I was embarrassed but I couldn’t stop. Andre stood up and pulled me into his arms. He held me for the longest time. “I know, I know.” For no more than an hour, we lay on that bed in that strange room together. I ran my hands over his naked body, savoured each caress, each kiss he gave me, then I climbed on top of him, straddled his cock and just about lost my mind as he fucked me like that, looking into my eyes, calling me baby. I watched him come, his head thrown back, his hips pushing upwards, his cock draining inside me and all I could think was how much I loved him. I never even thought about the fact that I would have to leave him. He held me for a while afterwards, stroked my hair. We didn’t say anything. Then suddenly, he released me and sat 103
D. J. Manly up. He disappeared into the bathroom, then he returned and started to dress. “Don’t,” I said. He paused to look at me with those blue eyes. “Don’t what?” “Don’t leave yet.” “Say the word and I won’t leave at all.” “We still have some time. I…” “I have no time. Thomas will be home soon. We’re going to dinner,” he pulled his sweater over his head. “How can you go back to him after…God damn you, Andre!” I was on my feet now. “You’re going back to her.” He glanced at me in the mirror. “She’s my wife.” “He’s my lover.” I grabbed his arm and whirled him around. He yanked it away from me. “I don’t want that bastard touching you. I don’t want…” “To hell with what you want! You don’t know what you want, Dominic, that’s the problem.” He shrugged on his coat. “Why? Why did you come here with me today?” “Why in hell do you think?” His eyes snapped. “To torment me? To make me weaker…so that you and your fuck- mate can win?” He laughed harshly. “You’re a real idiot!” “Andre,” I said desperately as he brushed by 104
Borderline me. “We need to…” “See you Monday, and good luck with your campaign,” he paused, gazed at me, “I hear you’re running for mayor.” He closed the door. Just like that. He was gone, and I wasn’t sure what had happened, or why. I sat on the edge of the bed and put my face in my hands. **** Two weeks later, after constant hounding by my father, I officially announced my candidacy for mayor. I would run in place of Mayor Rainbridge. He would not be seeking a third turn in office. I was bombarded with old guard supporters and financial support almost the moment the press conference was over. My father insisted I take a temporary leave from the firm and devote myself entirely to the campaign. November 6, 2046 Being at that table Monday morning was harder today than ever. The minute I saw Andre, all I could think of was how he held me in that hotel room. He scarcely looked at me as he put forth the new rules he was proposing for the border passes. The other side argued that opening the borders in this way would endanger the citizens. Andre took it personally and lost his 105
D. J. Manly temper, claiming that not all outsiders were criminals. We were getting to the real meat of the issues now, the prejudice, the mistrust, the feeling which had blossomed out of control over the last two generations. Delany put a hand on Andre’s arm a few times to calm him, and then he spoke about how Hampton had become a closedminded little community of racist classist bigots. That was personal and I suppose all of us on this side took it that way. Delany kept talking about how we were unwilling to ‘share the wealth’ and Andre sat back in his seat and closed his eyes. He looked tired. We were all tired, and getting nowhere. The old guard wasn’t willing to give an inch. What in hell was I saying, I was the old guard, and I didn’t give an inch either. I’d never given an inch to Andre, and yet I wanted to take everything from him. I want him. Tonight. Every night. Andre. It didn’t matter what I knew and didn’t know about myself, I was helpless to change it. I was driven. Once I was in the race against Delany, I wanted to beat him at all costs. Every event, every speech, where Delany showed up with Andre beside him, drove me harder. Vanessa was beside me everywhere and I hardly noticed. My father told me what to think, and what to say, and the old guard of Hampton cheered behind me. Delany was losing. I was going to be the next mayor of Hampton, and when I was, Delany’s ass was mine. 106
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**** The panel, or should I call it the war, took a breather for the holidays. The campaign also slowed down some. I was happy, tired of shaking hands and making promises. I spent a lot of time with my son, which I appreciated, and Vanessa and I began to do Christmas shopping. I was having quite a good time actually shopping for my son and it was on one of those shopping trips with Vanessa that I saw Thomas Delany. He was coming out of the same hotel that I had been in with Andre in November, and he wasn’t alone. He was with the mayor’s wife. I couldn’t believe it. Vanessa had run into one of the shops to pick up something she’d ordered, and I stood there watching as they kissed briefly, and then went their separate ways. I smiled. It was cleaver for Delany to be sleeping with the mayor’s wife. She could be feeding him all kinds of information, giving him an edge in this campaign, and from the looks of it, that wasn’t all she was giving him. Vanessa was surprised at how cheerful I was for the rest of the day. When we finally arrived home, I excused myself and went into my study. I couldn’t wait to tell my father what I’d discovered. In that moment, I had figured out a way to win the race, put an end to the proposed 107
D. J. Manly changes in border trade, and separate Andre from Delany forever. Personally, it was the last one which pleased me the most. The thought of Andre with Delany ate me alive every night when I crawled into bed. All I could think of was Delany lying next to Andre, and my blood boiled. Those days would soon be over. My father told me to slow down on the phone. “Dominic, don’t go off half-cocked like you usually do.” I resented that. I clamped my jaw shut. “Have you told anyone about this?” “Of course not!” “Well, then keep it that way. Come over to the house tonight. Your mother misses you. Bring Van and the baby. Your mother will entertain them while we talk.” He hung up. I had been summoned. Vanessa was tired. She really didn’t want to go out, but eventually I wore her down and we were off. My mother was pleased to see me and I realised that I’d not seen her in a good month. “I’m sorry,” I told her. “I’ve been so busy with everything that I…” She took the baby into her arms, and shook her head. “I know. Forget it. Come and sit down, tell me everything.” We talked for a good hour, drinking tea at the dining room table. Finally, my father stood up, 108
Borderline finished with the small talk, and gave my mother an apologetic look, “Sorry, dear, I need to borrow Dominic for a few minutes. You don’t mind, do you?” She smiled. “Go ahead. I’ll sit and talk with Vanessa.” My son was sitting in his little carry seat, nodding off to sleep. “He looks just like Dominic when he was that age,” my mother exclaimed. I laughed, shook my head and followed my father into his office. He closed the door and sat down. “Drink?” he asked, pouring some brandy out of a decanter on his desk. I shook my head. I was too damn happy to drink. I only drank when I was depressed. “So, tell me every detail and don’t leave out anything.” “I was shopping with Vanessa on Main and we were in front of that little chocolate place when I looked across the road and there was Delany and Mrs. Rainbridge coming out of the hotel.” “The cheap one?” I smirked. “Yeah.” Was that where Andre and I had fucked, in the cheap one? “And?” “They stopped, kissed, then went to their cars and took off.” “Um. You do realise that we can’t let this get 109
D. J. Manly out.” “What? Dad, on the contrary, we want to shout it from the rafters. Give it to the media; don’t you know what this could do?” My father sat back in his chair. He eyed me while he took a good long drink of his liquor. “You see, son, that’s what I mean about you going off half-cocked. When you have a valuable piece of information, you have to think good and hard how you’re going to use it. You want to use it where it does the most amount of damage while protecting those who count, including ourselves.” “Of course, but…” He held up his hand. “How’s it going to look if you go running to the press with this? It’s going to look like you’re a little backstabbing tattletale. It’s also going to damage the mayor’s reputation and hurt his pride. I like Rainbridge. I don’t want to see him hurt.” “So what?” I threw up my hands. I was eyeing that decanter now. “We sit on it?” “No. You go to Delany and tell him what you got. In exchange for that information, you get him to back off on his business reforms, and withdraw from the race. You run against the two other nobodies and you win.” I looked down at the floor. Didn’t seem fair, did it? But that’s the way things were done. “What if it’s not enough? What if he doesn’t care if we 110
Borderline spread it to…” “You’ve seen Rainbridge’s wife; she’s twenty years older than Delany, fat and no beauty queen. The mayor married into a good family. It’s the reason he’s been mayor so long. He sure as hell didn’t marry for any other reason. Delany is a cock-lover…like you,” my father said, meeting my eyes. “In the past maybe I…” “Dominic, I told you, as long as you’re discrete, fuck what you want, but don’t try and bullshit me. I’m too old for that. As I was saying, he likes young male meat, like your Andre…” I winced when he called him my Andre. “He’s not giving her some because he likes it. She’s feeding him info sure as he’s feeding her his cock.” “Delany may not care if the public knows. He might…” “Don’t be a fool,” my father snapped. “The public might forgive a love affair, but no one in their right mind is going to believe he’s fucking her because he loves her. Everyone knows he’s living with Andre, and fucking your former opponent’s wife for information…taking advantage of a poor love-starved woman in order to win shows a lack of integrity. The public will eat him alive.” I digested all he had said, nodding. 111
D. J. Manly “So,” my father stood up, signalling the meeting was about to end, “set up a discrete meeting with Delany, tell him what you know and tell him what we want. Don’t screw this up, Dominic.” He pointed at me, “Opportunities like that don’t come along everyday.” On the way out, my father clapped me on the back. It was the closest thing to praise I’d ever experienced from him. It pleased me. **** I reached Delany’s secretary the next morning. I left my phone number and she told me she’d give him the message. He called back a few hours later on my portable. I was sitting on the floor in the living room playing with Clinton when it rang. I reached over and picked it up, surprised to hear Delany’s voice. I thought he’d take his time getting back to me. “Hello Dominic,” he said pleasantly, “what a surprise. What can I do for you?” “We need to talk. Can we meet?” “Talk about what?” “Something I can’t discuss on the phone. You could come here.” “No, why don’t you come here?” I paused. It would give me a chance to see Andre, if he was there. On the other hand, seeing 112
Borderline them together there… “Hampton?” “Yeah, okay. When?” “Whenever. I’ll be here all day.” He hung up. I picked up Clinton and went to put him down for his nap. Vanessa was watching television in the other room. “I have to go out for awhile,” I told her. “I’ll be back soon.” She glanced up at me, then back at the television. She mumbled something like, “see you later.” I pulled on my coat, and checked my pockets for my keys. They were there. I drove to Delany’s. I knew the way well. I’d driven by enough hoping for a glimpse of Andre. I parked a block away. No need to give the media any fodder should they be around. I dug my hands in my pocket and waited after ringing the bell. Delany answered. He was dressed casually in jeans and a blue shirt. He whipped his dark hair back when he saw me, and gave me a charming smile…a smile like an eel. He invited me in, and I followed him down the hallway to the living room where he indicated a chair. “Sit down. What will you have?” “Nothing, thanks. This won’t take long.” My eyes and ears were alert for any indication that Andre was there. “He’s out,” Delany said. 113
D. J. Manly “What?” “Andre, he’s out.” He gave me a tight smile. “I wasn’t…” “Oh yes, you were.” He met my eyes. Fuck. Had Andre said anything? “I know you’d like to get to me through him. You think he’s easy, don’t you? You’d be surprised how tough he is. I breathed a little easier. “I’m sure.” I knew that already. “I came here to talk to you about something I saw yesterday.” This was going to be harder than I thought. As much as I detested this guy, I was beginning to feel a little slimy. “Yes?” “I saw you with Rainbridge’s wife.” There was silence, then, Delany laughed. “Really? Now, what would I be doing with his wife?” “I don’t know, you tell me.” Our eyes met, locked. “I think this discussion is over,” he stood up. I stood up with him. “If the media gets wind of this…” “And who’s going to tell them? You?” “Oh no,” I said. “It will definitely be anonymous.” “I’ll deny it.” “I wasn’t alone, Delany. I wasn’t the only one who saw you.” 114
Borderline “What do you want?” He narrowed his eyes. “You know what I want.” “For me to drop everything.” “Exactly, and there’s one more thing.” He lifted an eyebrow. “I want you to leave Andre.” Of course I didn’t hear Andre come in. I didn’t see him standing in the living room in his tan coat. “What in hell is going on here?” We both turned now to look at him. Delany’s face paled. “Andre, we were just…” Andre walked over to me. He glared at me. “How dare you come here and make demands? How dare you…” Delany put a hand on Andre’s shoulder. “What’s all this about?” “It’s about nothing,” Andre snapped, pulling his shoulder away, “nothing at all.” He glared at me. “Get out. Get out now.” I lowered my head and brushed past him. I was embarrassed as hell. I could have kicked myself, but I was determined that Delany wasn’t going to look like the good guy in all this. I turned around at the living room door. “I’m leaving, but after I do, why don’t you ask your boyfriend what he was doing yesterday afternoon?” Andre had his back turned to me, and he didn’t turn around. Delany was focussed on Andre. He glanced at me, then away. I left by the front door, 115
D. J. Manly letting it slam behind me. **** I didn’t go home. I drove straight across the border and by supper time, I was drunk, and at six o’clock, I was cruising the back room at Adventures. I was anyone’s for the taking. I sauntered in that room, trying to brush up against every naked body I could in the dark, but finding none. Finally, I fell against the wall, unzipped my pants and began to masturbate. The damn room was empty. That was okay, I thought, my eyes closing, I’d wait. Patience is a goddamn virtue. I was just beginning to feel my cock stiffen a little when my portable rang. I swore, reached in the pocket of my coat and clicked it on. I squeezed my cock a little when I saw Andre’s face appear. “Hell,” I slurred, “to what do I owe the fucking honour?” He let out an audible sigh. “Drunk?” “You bet.” “Where in the hell are you?” “In a fuck-room in some bar, alone. Isn’t that ironic? Care to join me, baby?” “I want to talk to you.” “Then come on.” “Not there.” “Here, or nowhere. Adventures. Back room. I’ll 116
Borderline wait for you.” I shut down the phone, then turned off the ringer. If he wanted to see me, he’d see me on my terms. I pulled up my pants and staggered out of the room. I walked over to the bartender and put down a substantial amount of money. “That’s more than you’ll see in a week. Put a closed sign on the room.” “What?” “You heard me. I’m meeting someone and we need a quiet place to…to discuss something. Give me an hour after he gets here.” He eyed the money, then nodded. “You got it.” He walked out from behind the bar, went down to the room, and closed and locked the door. He slipped me the key. “I’ll make a sign.” “Yeah, and give me a drink. Whiskey, straight up.” I drank two before I saw him come in the door. He looked around. Some guy walked up to him and began coming onto him. I stood up, took the guy by the arm and pulled him away. “He’s with me,” I told him. “Fuck off.” The guy began to protest so I took Andre by the arm and dragged him forward. He wasn’t pleased. “Take your hands off me.” “Relax, come on,” I told him, walking down to the back, and slipping the key the bartender had given me into the lock. The sign said, “Temporarily closed.” Andre narrowed his eyes as I pulled the door 117
D. J. Manly open. “Come on,” I said. “What is…” “Never mind.” Andre stepped in hesitantly before me, I pushed in behind, and closed the door. It was pitch black in there. Andre was pissed. “I don’t know what in fuck you’re trying to pull but…” “I’m just trying to find a quiet place to talk.” “In the fuck-room. How appropriate.” He sniffed, “Smells of come and sweat in here.” I backed against the wall, and unzipped my pants. I reached in and took out my cock. I began to stroke it. “What are you doing?” “I’m jerking off, that’s what people do in here.” “Let me out.” “Why? I’m not expecting anything. At least I can jerk off to the sound of your voice.” There was a sigh. “Fine, do whatever Dominic. I can’t believe that you’d resort to blackmail. I can’t believe that…” “Don’t you care that your boyfriend is fucking a woman?” “No.” That surprised me. “So, that’s alright with you.” “No, it’s not alright for a lot of reasons.” “You just said you didn’t care?” “I don’t even know that it’s true.” “Did he deny it?” 118
Borderline “What do you think?” I tucked myself back in my pants. “Finished already?” “No, I haven’t even gotten started,” I said between clenched teeth. I reached out and grabbed him, turning him around and pressing him against the wall. “I want to fuck you. I guess you know that. I can’t stand the thought of you with that asshole. I can’t stand the thought of any man touching you and…” He struggled against me, and managed to push me back. “Well, you better learn to live with it. You can’t do what ever you want, live your life the way your father dictates and then come and tell me how to live mine. I don’t belong to you, Dominic. I don’t belong to anyone. We’re not together, and we will never be together because you care too much for your fucking little privileged existence. I’ve given up hope, and I’ve given up crying over you. So back off.” He turned around and groped for the door handle. I pressed myself against him, let myself smell his hair, placed my hands on my hips. “Just let me…just for a few minutes, please…please.” Andre stood quiet for a few seconds, and then he pushed me back, turning around. We were face to face, and I knew I had to kiss him, to taste his lips. When I felt him raise his hands to my hair, then move his fingers down over the sides of my 119
D. J. Manly cheeks, I sucked in some air. He moved his lips over mine, capturing them over and over again with his until I moaned. He pushed my coat off my shoulders and began to undo my shirt. I didn’t move. “Andre,” I began, “I…” “Shush,” he told me. “Don’t. Don’t say anything, okay?” I nodded silently. His tongue trailed down my chest, and began to circle my nipples, while he briskly hauled my pants and underwear over my hips. I was already hard as his hand fondled my cock and my balls. He made an appreciative sound in his throat as I pushed his coat off his shoulder and undid his shirt. I grabbed both his ass cheeks and dragged him closer, and our mouths locked, Andre’s hands reached up to wind around my neck. He pulled me down to my knees now, and I knew what he wanted. I undid his pants and pulled them down, along with his underwear. I let my face melt into his groin, his male musky scent filling my nostrils. “I’ve missed you,” I groaned. “Then put it in your mouth,” he urged, his hands in my hair. “Come on, Dominic.” I took his cock in my hand, my fingers curling around the base and I began to swallow him. “Yeah,” he whispered, “just like I taught you.” Yes he taught me and I still remembered the first time, the smell, the taste. I let him pin my face 120
Borderline between his hands. He began to pump. “Fuck yeah,” he sighed. “Dominic.” I sucked harder, letting my tongue do the work, taking him as deep in my throat as possible. He was coming, trying to pull out, but I urged him to stay. I swallowed, and swallowed again, and he pulled at my hair. He collapsed against the wall, making little sounds in his throat and I got to my feet. I seized his arm and pulled him around, pressing his body against the wall. My arm slipped around his waist and dipped my finger in my pre-cum, and began to lubricate his hole. I wanted to fuck him so much it hurt. I pushed my finger deeper, he moaned, placing his palms against the wall. “Say you want me,” I urged, fucking his hole with my finger. “I…do,” he breathed. “I want you. Fuck me. Fuck me hard.” I ran my hand over his smooth ass. “Beautiful. You’re so beautiful,” I told him. “I can’t stop loving you. I’ve tried. I’ve tried to…” “Never mind. Do it, do it now,” he grunted, glancing behind him. I mashed my mouth against his, and withdrew my finger. I dragged his ass outward and plunged my cock into him. I fucked him so hard, and so fast, his teeth rattled and when we came, we both let out a shout. It sounded like victory. I backed away from him then, leaning against the other wall. I didn’t want to touch him. 121
D. J. Manly God, if I ever knew how much I loved him, it was at that moment. And I knew there was nowhere to go. He did too because he got dressed quietly. We stood together in the darkness for a second. Andre reached out and took my hand. He held it for a moment, then he released it. “Sometimes,” he said, “I don’t know who is speaking, you or your father. If it’s you, then think about what you’re doing. Do you really want to win this way?” “Do you really want to stay in a man’s bed that uses desperate women to feed him information?” There was anger in my voice. “I just fucked a man who plans to use damaging information for his own gain,” he replied. “I don’t see the difference, do you?” I clamped my jaw shut. I opened the door and let him leave. A few minutes later, I dropped the key to the bartender and headed across the border. **** When I walked in the door, Vanessa was waiting for me, her arms folded across her chest. “Where have you been?” I put my keys down on the hall table and slipped out of my coat. I glanced at her. “What’s this?” “Your father has been calling here all night. 122
Borderline You turned off your phone?” “As a matter of fact, yes.” “Well, he says to call him. It’s urgent.” I waved my hand at her and wandered down the hallway. “He can wait.” I knew what he wanted and I had nothing to give him. Thanks to Andre’s interruption, we didn’t even finish the conversation. I walked into the bedroom, stripped off my clothes and crawled into the bed. I fell into a dead sleep. My father was outside first thing the next morning. I groaned when I saw his car on the curb. I walked into the kitchen and made coffee. Vanessa was still sleeping. I waited until the coffee was ready, poured two cups and headed to the door. He was coming up the path as I opened the door. “Where in hell have you been?” “Coffee?” He pushed the front door open and marched past me. I followed with the two cups in my hands. He was standing in the dining room, looking pissed off. “What happened last night? What in hell did you say to Delany?” I put his mug on the table and took a sip of my coffee. I looked anywhere but at him. “I told him what I’d seen and…” “I knew I should have gone. You fucked it up.” I swallowed, feeling about two feet high. “Dad, I…” 123
D. J. Manly “He pulled a fast one on us. He went to see Rainbridge last night.” I blinked. “What?” “He got the wife to tell Rainbridge that she and Delany had been considering an affair but had backed out at the last minute, deciding to stifle their attraction to each other or some such bullshit. He told him you intended on using that information for your own gain.” “That bastard!” “Yes, well now Rainbridge is upset with you, and he told me this morning, he’s considering removing his support.” “He believed that stupid story?” “Hook, line and sinker. He believed it because he wanted to.” “Well, what else could I have done?” “You’re a loser, Dominic,” my father said, looking me directly in the eye. “You blew it, now find a way to repair it, or we’re going down.” He didn’t give me a chance to say anything else. He just walked out. December 15, 2046 Humiliated, that’s how I felt, small, stupid and inept, but come to think of it, my father had always made me feel that way. Seems like he went out of his way to make me feel that way. I did my best. Delany beat me. He 124
Borderline called my bluff and told some semblance of the truth, thereby rendering my attack impotent. As the days go on, I’m beginning not to give a shit if I win this race or not. It seems that it’s important to everyone but me. Open up the borders, let them all in, I don’t care anymore. Just kick Andre back out because if I have to see him one more time with Delany anywhere, I’m going to do some serious damage to someone. How in hell can Andre stay with him after he knows what he was up to with the Mayor’s wife? Andre thinks I’m low…compared to Delany, I’m a saint, aren’t I? God, all I can think about is touching Andre in that back room the other night, feeling him close to me, hard and needy, saying my name. How can I go on like this, not knowing if I go to him, how he’ll be…if he’ll want me, reject me. I was surprised that he let me touch him the other night. I can’t always read him but when he’s in my arms I know he wants me. Sometimes he fights it. I wonder if…oh to hell with this shit… The holidays came and went and we started a brand new year. The election was coming up fast and my father didn’t seem to have much time for me. Delany was again fighting for more open trade and it looked like more and more people were in agreement with his ideas. I knew he was going to win. I hadn’t seen Andre since that night in the back room of Adventures, and I sure as hell didn’t expect to run into him in a men’s clothing store on the main street one night in late January 125
D. J. Manly after work. He was looking at ties, a wool hat pulled down over his head. He was just about to summon the sales clerk when I picked up one of the flashier silk ties and said, “definitely this one.” He turned around and glanced at me. “Not with a black suit.” “Going to a funeral?” I lifted an eyebrow. “Maybe.” I frowned. “Who died?” “No one yet.” “Ah, you’re talking about the race.” He nodded. “I don’t care if I lose.” “Your father does.” I met his eyes. “I think I should go.” “Why?” “Doesn’t look good, consorting with the enemy.” “Is that what we are now?” “Isn’t that what we always were?” I opened my mouth, then closed it. He walked towards the door. I put down the pair of gloves I was holding and followed him. I touched his arm on the sidewalk. He turned and looked at me. “Dominic?” “Andre. Can we talk, get together somewhere and…” 126
Borderline “You don’t want to talk. You want to fuck.” “Well,” I smiled, “we can do that too.” “No, no we can’t.” He was about to walk away from me. My temper flared. I grabbed his arm. “Don’t you fucking dare walk out on me, Andre. What are you still doing with him? You know that he…” He pulled away. People walking by were giving us curious looks. “Don’t grab me. And don’t talk to me like I’m your serf.” I sighed. “You love playing these head games with me. You love to…” “Me, play games? Dominic, you’re the champion of games.” His voice was calm, unlike mine. “You love to torment me, give a little then pretend I can never have you again. You…” “Is that what you think?” he hissed. “Do you know how hard I try to… resist you?” He paused, his chest heaving. “It’s as if you think I have any goddamned choice! I don’t want to be alone with you, Dominic, because I know I’ll want to hold you. There’s no game to it, you insensitive bastard. Don’t you know? It’s called pain.” He walked away then, and I didn’t stop him. I was too stunned, too blown away by his words. I closed my eyes and leaned against the building. Hot tears chocked my throat and I swallowed them, as I began to walk fast back to my car. I was 127
D. J. Manly heading back to Adventures. I left my cell phone off. **** Delany won the election with Andre standing beside him, obviously in an old tie, since he never did end up buying a new one. My father walked out of the reception room halfway before the end. He knew I was going to lose. I rode silently in the back of the rented car over to the hotel where the victory reception for Delany was. Vanessa sat uncomfortably beside me. She didn’t say a word. As I walked in, Delany was the first thing I saw, with Andre standing with him, and I don’t think I ever remembered hating anyone that much before. He had taken everything from me, the respect of my father, my office and my lover. Even as some people approached me to say they were sorry I had lost, all I could wonder at that moment was if Andre loved this man. Rainbridge and his wife made an appearance suddenly as Thomas Delany made his way to the podium, Andre and his election advisers standing beside him. He nodded briskly at me and walked to the front. Vanessa gave me a quizzical look. Of course she had no idea what had been going on beyond the scenes. Delany made his blah blah speech, spouting promises he never intended to keep, and I listened 128
Borderline quietly, waiting for my turn. I started heading toward the front and stepped up on the stage when it appeared he was nearing the end. I moved up beside Andre, who kept his eyes on Thomas Delany, and pretended not to notice me. Delany did notice however. He nodded at me, and then returned his gaze to the crowd. “Before I turn the podium over to my formidable opponent in this race, Dominic Hampton, the man who certainly kept me on my toes though it all,” he passed me a knowing smile, “I’d like to say a few words about the man standing here at my side, Mr. Andre Jarvis.” There was a burst of applause and whistles as Delany placed a hand on Andre’s shoulder and pulled him forward. “Andre has been my inspiration through all this, and most of the ideas have come from him, not me. That’s why I’m sad to have to announce that Andre has decided to leave us.” My eyes widened. I looked at Andre. He was ignoring me completely. He stepped up to the speaker. “I thank you all for your support in all this. Congratulations to Thomas. He’s worked hard, and he is the one to take you into the future.” Again, a rousing round of applause came from the onlookers. He stepped back. Thomas leaned forward and said my name. 129
D. J. Manly I glanced backwards at Andre as I stepped forward. He glanced at me, and away. He was leaving, leaving to go where? Did that mean that he and Thomas were finished? “Ah…yes,” I said, suddenly noticing that the people were waiting for me to speak. “I’m here to congratulate Thomas Delany on a victory well fought.” I turned and shook his hand. The flashbulbs flashed in front of us. That was it. I had nothing left to say. I stepped off the stage and walked to Vanessa. I took her arm. “Let’s go,” I said, sparing one last look over my shoulder to see Andre shaking hands with several people who came up from the crowd to greet him. “Your father is very disappointed,” Vanessa said on the way back home. “Fuck him,” I replied, smiling. “What in hell are you grinning about?” She snapped. “Don’t you realise that you lost…you lost, Dominic. This could be the end of your political career, a career which has been a tradition in…” She suddenly noticed that I was still smiling. Andre and Thomas were over. I was convinced of it now. “Have you lost it? Don’t you realise what this means? When I married you I was sure that you would be someone one day. I was supposed to be the wife of the mayor right now and…” “Listen sweetheart,” I told her, “if you care so 130
Borderline much about the mayor’s office, you have two choices, seduce Delany and get him to marry you, or run for mayor yourself.” “I can’t very well marry Delany,” she sniffed. “Sure you can,” I said. “I’ll sign the papers, no problem.” She glared at me. “I might have loved you if…” “Oh give it a rest, Van,” I said, turning into our driveway. “The only thing you love about me is my name.” She got out of the car and slammed the door. I actually laughed. **** I went back to work. My father remained distant, but that was alright. For awhile at least there was no more talk of politics. I drove by Delany’s house a few times and one day I saw a moving van. The house was up for sale. I had heard through the rumour mill that Andre was gone. Of course that made me ecstatic, but it left me feeling uneasy because I had no idea where he was. Every spare moment I got, I searched the various directories. I came up with nothing. What if he had moved out completely, gone to another state, another country? I told myself he probably just moved back across the border.
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D. J. Manly **** Within a year, things began to change under Delany’s direction. The borders were opening up and business was booming. I ran into Delany once in front of the court house, and we stopped to talk. It was small talk mostly, and I was so tempted to ask him about Andre. I kicked myself all the way home. I might have saved myself some sleepless nights. I began to wander back to Adventures, although the back room just wasn’t the same for me anymore. If every stranger had been Andre before, they were even more so now that I could picture him being there with me. I got back really late one night in April, and dug out my little red diary. It had been awhile since I’d written anything in it, and that night, with a bottle of whiskey beside me, I sat downstairs in the basement and began to say all the things I kept buried deep inside… April 24, 2046 It’s been a long time since I’ve had anything really important to say and sometimes I really don’t know how to say it. I guess the thing inside that feels as if it’s trying to punch a hole in my gut is that I miss Andre. God, I miss him so much and I don’t know where he is, how he is…who he’s with…I hate loving him. I really 132
Borderline do. Loving him reduces me to a helpless mess. No matter what in hell I do, I can’t stop. I guess I’ve said that before, haven’t I? Pathetic. I’m a pathetic loser. I think my Dad was always right. I’ll never be what he wants me to be. And even if I was, I don’t think it would ever be good enough. I feel such emptiness inside. Although at the bars, I fill my ass, I fill my mouth, my soul, my heart remains empty. The only time I’m ever happy is when I’m with my son. God, I love that little boy. It’s just another reason why I could never leave, because I’d have to leave him. No, I wouldn’t leave him. I couldn’t, and yet I think about his future, a future my parents and Vanessa always paint with a rosy hue…and I cringe. He’s a Hampton. His life will never be his own. He’ll be expected to enter law and then politics, and have children with a woman he doesn’t love. Do I want that for him? I don’t know anymore. One thing I’ve always known. From the moment I saw him, I wanted him. From the moment he touched me, I was in love. If I went to him now, if I offered to give up everything, would he still want me? I used to think it was too much, but now I realise that he’s worth everything. To hell with my name, my career, my status...my heart is with him. I know if I don’t see him soon, I will die of misery. Last night, I walked into that back room at Adventures, horny as hell. I thought my balls were going to explode. The room was packed and the instant 133
D. J. Manly I was inside, I felt hands pulling at my clothes. Someone pressed me against the wall and went down on their knees, seemingly anxious to eat my cock. He didn’t do such a good job of it. Another pair of hands pushed me away from the wall and sunk down in back of me, and began to give me a real good rimming. I closed my eyes, trying to open myself to the sensations of tongues and lips, and Andre’s face danced in front of me. When I came, it was Andre who kissed my mouth, tongued my nipples, brushed his cock against my thigh. I put my clothes back together and left that back room. I know now I can’t go back there. I have to know where he is, and if I have to humiliate myself in front of Delany to do it, I’m going to ask him. I was a mess when I stopped by the City Hall the next morning. I’d been drinking all night and I hadn’t slept. My suit was all crumbled, and I hadn’t shaved. I had a court appearance in an hour. Delany came out of his office. I stood up from the chair I was sitting in out in the corridor, and shook my hand. “What can I do for you, Hampton?” He eyed me curiously. “Can we talk a minute, in your office?” I ran my hand over my jaw. He nodded. I followed him inside and he closed the door. “Have a seat. You alright? You look ah…” “Fine. I need…” I stopped, then leaned forward. 134
Borderline “Are you sure you’re alright?” He gave me what seemed like a genuine look of concern. I shook my head. “No, I’m not.” I laughed a little. “I need to know where Andre went.” He sat down behind his desk, then, leaned back. “Andre?” “I can’t…I mean, he seems like nowhere and…” I ran a hand through my hair. “I need him to do some work. Is he still…” Delany leaned forward again. “Don’t shit a bullshitter. Let me give you some advice, man, don’t throw away everything on…” “I don’t need, nor do I want, your advice,” I said cuttingly. “If you know where he is, tell me, otherwise…” “I’m not sure.” “You’re lying. You’re still seeing him.” There was anger in my voice. “No, I’m not.” I sighed. “Delany,” I gave him a pleading look, “I know we’re not friends but if you have any compassion in your soul… I’m begging you… please, tell me where he is?”
Summer 2071: The Present I opened the door to the stranger and motioned him inside. “You still want to know how it all 135
D. J. Manly ends?” He nodded, surprised. “Then come on, sit down, and I’ll tell you.” He sat, waiting patiently while I placed my hand on the little book, and stood by the window. This book meant the world to me, filled with its bittersweet memories. “Did you go to Delany? Did he tell you where to find Andre? Did you…” I laughed. “One question at a time. First, I have one for you. Tell me again where you found this?” He shrugged. “I found it in the attic, I told you that already. It was in the bottom of a box that my aunt Violet had.” Violet was Vanessa’s adopted sister. She had inherited a lot of Vanessa’s personal effects after the accident. “Then Vanessa had read it, I suppose. I wonder why she held onto it,” I said almost to myself. “She was your wife once. Maybe it allowed her to really know you.” “I doubt she wanted to know me that much,” I laughed slightly. “Ever heard of too much information?” He smiled faintly. I looked at him for a moment. “I was sorry to hear about the accident last year. She died young.” “Yes. Forty three. The accident killed her instantly. She didn’t suffer.” 136
Borderline I nodded suddenly. “Tell me the truth. Why did you try to blackmail me with this book?” “I suppose I…” He paused. “Okay,” he said with a breath, “I saw your picture and I kind of…fell in love with you. But at the same time, I hated you.” “Why?” “Because you were everything I’ve tried to get away from my whole life, living proof that…that the border should come down.” “Go on.” “What I read in that diary, well it was a great love, a great tragic love and it was everything I had ever dreamt of.” “So is that why you want to know the end?” He nodded. “I want to know if it’s possible to escape.” I turned to study him. He was so young, as young as I was when I married Vanessa. “Because it’s what you want to do yourself?” “Yes.” “Why ask for money? Why not just…?” “I needed to know if it was real. I guess I wanted to see how much the diary was really worth to you.” “It’s worth everything.” “I know that now. I’d love to be in love like that. Your love for Andre was…honestly, I had a hard time giving the book up. Your words meant 137
D. J. Manly so much to me. I had to see you in person. I’m sorry.” He dug in his pockets and placed the money on the coffee table. “This is not enough.” My eyes sparked anger. “Well, I’m not paying anymore so…” “No,” he put up his hand, “I mean that there isn’t enough money in the world.” I smiled. “I don’t need the money. You know I come from Hampton.” Yes, and the old guard had made sure it didn’t change that much. Only a year after he took office, Thomas Delany had been found dead in his house. The police said it was suicide. Apparently he’d taken an overdose. Apparently. “I only want to know the end,” the young man insisted now, “and we’ll call it even. Okay? What happened?” **** “Why in the hell should I tell you anything?” Delany said, glaring at me now from behind his desk. I was shaking. I stood up too. “I love him. I love him, Thomas, and at one time he loved me too. And if there is any hope at all that he may still love me, then I have to find him.” “And are you ready to throw everything away 138
Borderline for him, because he won’t accept anything less?” I sucked in some breath, then, I nodded. “Yes,” I said. “I am.” “He’s gone to Canada.” “Canada?” “Yes. He got a job offer as a trade negotiator. He’s living in Toronto.” “Do you have an address?” Delany took a piece of paper and scribbled something. He passed it across the desk. “I hope he boots your ass out the door,” he grumbled. I took it, smiling, and then said, “you may well get your wish. Thanks,” I said, and tore open the door. **** Delany saved my life that day. I would always be grateful to him. I went home and waited for Vanessa. I didn’t even go to work. I left a message on the answering machine at the office, saying simply, “I quit.” When Vanessa came in the door with Clinton, I was already packed. My suitcase sat in the hall. When I saw my son, the tears flowed down my eyes. “I’m sorry, Vanessa,” I said. “We should have never gotten married. We both know it. I’m leaving. I’m not coming back. If you have compassion, you’ll let me see Clinton once in awhile. You’ll let me…” 139
D. J. Manly Vanessa walked by me without a word. Nothing. I didn’t wait a second longer. I walked outside, got into my car and drove across that border for the final time. I left my car at the airport and flew to Toronto. When I got in, I hired a vehicle and drove into the city. Several times I asked for directions. Finally, I arrived at 45 Seneca Drive. It was a nice house, a small bungalow, brick with a tiled roof. There was a two car garage. I sat in the car and waited. If he didn’t want me anymore, all of this was for nothing. My life was gone. My son was lost to me, maybe forever. I closed my eyes, finally drifting off the sleep. The sound of someone tapping on my car window woke me. I raised my head to see Andre peering in at me. I opened the window. It was spitting rain, and fairly cold. “Hi,” I said. My heart was thudding in my chest. I couldn’t read his expression at all. He just stared at me. “Andre.” “Dominic, what are you…how…” “If you want me to leave, then…” “Come in, I’m getting wet.” I glanced ahead of me to see a small blue sports model sitting in front of me. I got out of my car and followed him to the door. “Nice house.” “Thanks,” he replied, inserting his thumbprint into the key and pushing the door open. 140
Borderline I watched him shrug off his coat as I closed the door behind me and stood in his hall. I wanted to pull him into my arms, kiss him all over. Instead I wandered into his living room and waited. “What are you doing here?” “I…well…I had a hard time finding you. Is it because you didn’t want me to know where…” “Partly.” I swallowed. “Andre, I…” “Before you say anything,” he said, “I want you to know that it’s truly over for us, Dominic. I can’t do it anymore.” “Do what?” I met his eyes. “Hold my breath until the next moment you decide to show up and make love to me.” “What if I…” I folded my hands together to stop them from shaking. “What if I told you that I’ve given up everything because I can’t live without you?” Tears flowed down my face. “I’d say you were a goddamned liar and…” Andre began, then he saw my face. “Dominic?” He took a step. “You…mean it…you…?” I reached out my hand to him. “If you say no, if you turn me away, I might as well curl up and die. Please tell me that…” He took my hand. Smiling, he placed a hand on my face. “I love you so much. Don’t you know that? Don’t you know that…” I didn’t let him finish. I grabbed him to me and 141
D. J. Manly kissed his mouth hard. “No more talk,” I murmured against his neck. “Take me somewhere and…” **** “You see,” I said to the younger man sitting in my living room, “Andre and I didn’t talk much after that for awhile. I don’t think I need to go into detail.” He smiled. “No, I get the picture. Then what?” “Well,” I said, “then my life finally began. There were no more borders separating us.” “And Andre, what happened to him?” “Ask him yourself,” I nodded toward the window. “He just pulled up into the driveway.” The young man stood up, came over and stood beside me at the window. He clapped me on the back. “And who’s that good looking young man with him?” “That’s Clinton, my son.” I winked at him. “Want to meet him?” He grinned at me. “Yeah, okay.” “Oh,” I said, walking to the door to meet Andre and Clinton, “what’s your name by the way?” “Dominic,” he said. “My name is Dominic.”
The End 142
About the Author I write not only for my own pleasure, but for the pleasure of my readers. I can’t remember a time in my life when I haven’t written and told stories. When I’m not writing, I’m dreaming about writing, doing something wild and adventurous, or trying to make the world a better and more open minded place to live in. I adore beautiful men, and I know I’m not alone in this! Eroticism between consenting adults, in all its many forms is the icing on the cake of life! PUBLISHED BOOKS: Eternal Souls Book 1 Vampire Lust Eternal Souls 2: Beloved Foe Brennus’ Witch Christmas with Wistan Dreaming of Brandon Archer The Initiator The Sexshifters Ash: Son of the Demon God Brennus’ Witch – Body and Soul Find them all at: www.extasybooks.com