How Xena Changed Our Lives: True Stories by Fans for Fans

How

XENA Changed Our Lives

Copyright © ECW PRESS, 2002 Published b y EC W PRESS 2120 Quee n Street East, Suite 200, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4E1E2 All rights reserved. No part of this publication ma y be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted i n any form by any process — electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise — without the prior written permission o f the copyright owners and ecw press. NATIONAL LIBRAR Y O F CANAD A CATALOGUIN G IN PUBLICATIO N DAT A

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How Xena changed our lives: stories by fans for fan s ISBN 1-55022-500-6 1. Xena, warrior princess (Televisio n program) — Anecdotes. 2. Fans (Person) — Anecdotes. I. Stafford , Nikki, 1973 PN1992.77.X46H69 200 2 791.45'7

2 C2001-904084- 9

Cover and Text design: Tania Craan Typesetting: Gail Nina Production: Mary Bowness Printing: AGM V Front cover photo: Wendy Sparks Copyright for all photos and artwork within the book i s retained by the artists and photographers wh o created the works . This book is set in Minion and Korinna The publication o f How Xena Changed Ou r Lives has been generously supported by the Canada Council, the Ontario Arts Council, and the Government of Canada through the Book Publishing Industry Development Program. Canad a DISTRIBUTION

CANADA: General Distribution Services , 325 Humber Colleg e Blvd., Toronto, ON M9W 7C3 UNITED STATES : Independent Publisher s Group, 814 North Franklin Street, Chicago, Illinois 60610 EUROPE: Turnaround Publisher Services , Unit 3, Olympia Trading Estate, Coburg Road, Wood Green, London N2Z 6T2 AUSTRALIA AND NEW ZEALAND: Wakefield Press, 17 Rundle Street (Box 2066), Kent Town, South Australia 5071 PRINTED AN D BOUN D I N CANAD A

ECW PRES S ecwpress.com

How

XENA changed Our Lives TrueBy FansFor Edited by Nikki Stafford

ECW PRES S

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Table of Contents

Introductionvii The Story of Sword and Staff

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JCetia Changed My Life1 Watching

Xena.37

"You'reNotHER,You??" 65 Hiate@

87

Friend in Need 99 "WillTouWelcome Stars of theShow..."111 Hardcore Nutballs 137 SayingGo The Quill Is Mightier InMemory: Kevin Tod Smith 1963-2002 2

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Intr h hoduction

The idea for this book first came about a t the Pasaden a Xena convention i n May 2001.I was gathered with a group of friends telling the m abou t a book I was working o n abou t Trekkers telling thei r storie s o f ho w Star Trek ha s change d thei r lives , when someone said, "Hey, Xenites have some great stories, too! What about a book like that to say goodbye to Xena?" Th e idea had crosse d my mind, bu t I wasn't sur e if there would be th e interest i n th e ide a tha t ther e wa s for a book b y Trekkers . I talked t o a fe w othe r peopl e a t th e conventio n an d sur e enough, ther e was a lot of interest. I came home, watched th e series finale, wiped m y tears, and sen t ou t a notice askin g for stories o f ho w Xena: Warrior Princess ha d change d people' s lives. And I got a ton o f responses. Also, at the convention , I went to a Sword and Staf f dinne r and auction, and was amazed (as I always am) at how generous Xenites coul d be . I wished I had ha d th e mone y t o bi d hun dreds an d thousand s o f dollar s o n th e sword s and chakram s that were selling. Sword and Staf f i s an absolutely selfles s an d incredible organization that collect s monies from Xenite s and distributes i t t o worth y causes . I contacte d Debbi e Cassett a (also known as "Mist") an d she enthusiastically agreed to help out where she could, and we would donat e proceeds from th e

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sale o f eac h book t o a charit y o f their choice . Sh e chose th e Starship Foundatio n i n New Zealand, an organizatio n that i s backed by Lucy Lawless. Xena has meant so much to so many people. In the six years it was on the air, the two main characters underwent enormous character changes and developments, and their friendship was like nothing I had ever seen on television. Sure, people mocked me fo r watching it, but I alway s argued that i f they gav e th e show a chance, they'd be rewarded with one of the most beautiful relationship s they would ever see on television. The show was funny, campy, emotional, dramatic, violent, and gorgeous. Xena went from a dark killer to an understanding warrior, with Gabrielle at her side to pull her back from th e dark brink time and again . Gabrielle started of f as a shy village girl, and fro m there developed into an optimistic an d talented bard and then to a fierc e warrior . T o go back an d watc h th e firs t episode s again i s astonishin g whe n yo u realiz e jus t ho w fa r they'v e come, and there may never be an epic love story such as this on television again. This book has been written entirel y by fans. I acted only as the editor , and I collected all the stories , but afte r spendin g so many year s o n Interne t mailin g list s I wante d th e storie s I' d heard t o be made public. When m y first boo k was released, it was received so warmly by the Xena community that I wanted to do another fan-oriented book, and I'm so pleased with how this came together. Xena fan s ar e an amazing group of people, an d I've never seen such a kind, generous fandom in m y life. Let's hope they inspire other fans to be like them. I wan t t o than k everyon e who submitte d stories , photos , and artwork ; I received so many that I was unable to us e for

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INTRODUCTION

space reasons , an d I thank everyone fo r the time and energ y they put int o thei r pieces . A special thank s t o everyon e who helped me out on the first book and were first in line to con tribute t o thi s one . I t wa s s o grea t meetin g al l o f yo u i n Pasadena. Thanks als o to everyon e who filled out a questionnaire an d sent the m in . The y were : Murphy , Paulin a Sanchez , Lis a M. , Heather Marcus, Lance R. Gorton, Talira, greebly, Welcomexenafan, Erika Jensen, Sarah Thompson (LadySpice) , Godmil, Jessica Herschman, E J Rain (bacchae2) , TheLittleGoddess, Elin a Lahti, Ari P K Korhonen , Artemi s Wolf , Lee D Warrio r Jester , Alexia, Pirkko, Denis e th e collegiat e pup , Tris h Shields , Jussi , Victor (Vixtrek), Jacqueline Pinto, A.L.L.B., RoseC., Kelly Smith, D. Bocc, Melanie L. , Heik e S. , Patric k Walker , Virgini a an d Lourde s Sanchez (TwinXenas) , Dimitrios Provias , Sarah Packard (abba girl), Heather Van Gorder, Valerie, Hila Ben-Gur, Judy B, Sall, Kim R. Koller , bookdaft, Andrew, Wendy Woody, Michelle Fouche , Cheryl Ande , Natali a Gonzale z Ortiz , XWPacolyte , Rober t Weisbrot, TEXena, Tigger Warrior Prince , Kelly/luvgabsabs, Juli Casco, and Brenda Andrews. The stories you are about to read are personal stories of triumph over tragedy, meeting soul mates, meeting friends ... an d meeting Hudson. Fans write about how Gabrielle inspired them to become bards, how Xena encouraged them to keep their chins up and fight the good fight, and how the show itself helped them get through some of the darkest periods of their lives. These are real stories, and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did. NIKKI STAFFORD [email protected] FEBRUARY 2002

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J, 11C2 "CZ^LCJl W 4_yl Sword and Staff

"We don't want to be associated with a bunch of Amazons." That on e statemen t fro m a representativ e a t a Ne w York City charitable organization that defined it s mission a s caring for babie s an d childre n wit h AID S wa s th e catalys t fo r wha t would eventually become Sword and Staff . By refusing a donation o f $4,50 0 raise d a t th e firs t Ne w York City Xenafest, th e charity se t Xena fan s o n a pat h tha t woul d eventuall y allo w their generosity to blossom into something quite unique in the world of fandom. In 1997, when Sword and Staff was first conceived, there was no intent for it to do anything other than trac k the charitabl e donations o f Xena fans , an d perhap s hel p t o improv e th e rather bizarre image the medi a create d for what i s and wa s a collection o f peopl e draw n b y th e "somethin g special " tha t each o f them sa w in th e camp y production o f Xena: Warrior Princess. But the missio n o f this loosel y defined organizatio n changed i n th e fal l o f 199 7 when Luc y Lawless appeare d i n Grease! While monitoring th e Xena mailin g lists and message boards, it became obvious that a number of fans were planning to sen d flower s t o Lucy' s dressing room t o wis h he r wel l on opening night . I t wa s also obviou s tha t i f eve n a fraction o f those people actually acted on the idea, Lucy would not have fit

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in tha t dressin g room alon g with al l the flora l gifts . Th e ide a struck m e that perhaps rathe r tha n sendin g flower s w e could instead d o a donatio n driv e tha t woul d benefi t a charitabl e organization. I chose Daytop Village, a drug treatment facilit y in Ne w York, as the beneficiar y of fans ' donations . Tha t firs t attempt a t this type of broad donation driv e met with success, and we raised more than $3,00 0 that was donated t o Dayto p Village to support their drug treatment programs . With that fledgling event, Sword and Staf f a s it exists today was born. Th e organizatio n itsel f ha s undergon e significan t changes from whe n it was first conceived, but i t has nonethe less grow n an d prospered , an d b y the en d o f th e yea r 2001, Xena fan s ha d donate d more tha n $363,00 0 t o charitabl e organizations aroun d th e world . Tha t effor t speak s volume s for the caring and generous individuals and groups that popu late th e Xenaverse . In a n ofte n fragmente d an d opinionate d fandom, Sword and Staf f has emerged as one of the few things that transcended th e politic s o f fandom. It is a positive force , and one that any fan who wants to can participate in and enjoy. With th e en d o f first-ru n episode s in Ma y 2001, the ques tion o f wha t become s o f Swor d an d Staf f ha s bee n aske d a number o f times. While no on e can speak in terms of forever, Sword and Staff will continue pretty much as it has in the past. So long as fans continu e t o meet , hold fests , and , as a group, want t o contribut e t o th e world community , Sword and Staf f will continue t o support thei r efforts . Th e methods employed to d o s o may change and evolve , but th e spiri t tha t i s Sword and Staf f i s something tha t perpetuate s itsel f a s long a s fan s cooperate and participate. If there is one legacy of Xena fando m that will stand out a s

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THE STORY " O F SWOR D AN D STAF F

special i n m y mind , i t i s Swor d an d Staf f an d wha t w e a s a group have been able to accomplish. I've heard from Xena fan s who have run thei r own auctions and charity drives, and I'v e heard from fan s of other shows and celebrities who have asked advice and guidance to help in the creation of similar organizations i n thei r ow n fandom s and fa n clubs . I deligh t i n th e knowledge that we as a group have been able to no t onl y d o what we have done, but that we also influenced others to make similar effort s t o provide the focu s fo r this type of activity in their ow n communities . Th e resul t o f that typ e o f participa tion and activity is incalculable. This book is about what Xena is and was to millions of people around the world. Over the past seven years I've observed how a television show influenced countless lives. That a campy little action drama would do that amaze s me to this day. And like many of you, I have made friends fro m aroun d the world, and I share friendships with people who will no doubt be part of my life for quite some time to come. For that, I am indebted to all of you and to the creators and stars of this show, for without them, none of it was possible. When the idea for this book was first presented to me, I was offered a portion o f the residuals generated from it s sale to be donated t o a charity selected by and administere d b y Sword and Staff . Needles s to sa y I was happy to accep t the offe r an d after givin g consideratio n t o wher e t o sen d th e donation , I decided that the funds would go to the Starship Foundation in New Zealand. The Starship Foundation work s to raise money to support the Starship Children' s Hospital in Auckland, New Zealand, and they are tireless in their efforts t o provide worldclass car e t o th e childre n o f Ne w Zealand . Xena sta r Luc y

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Lawless serves as one of Starship Foundation's trustees, and her involvement solidifie s th e ti e betwee n Xena fan s an d th e Starship Children' s Hospital . Ove r the cours e of X: WP's run fans hav e been incredibly generous with Starship , and i n that spirit, I hope that they will continue their support for the hospital and the Foundation. Donations generated from the sale of this book are a step in that direction . To all of you who have participated i n Sword and Staf f an d who have touched my life in so many ways, I thank you for the privilege of being part o f your lives. Be well, and b e goo d t o each other. DEBBIE CASSETTA A.K.A. MIST

To make a donation through Swor d and Staff, please visit their Web site at www.sword-and-staff.com, or send a check payable directly to the charity of your choice and forward it to: Sword and Staf f P.O. Bo x 224 Floral Park, NY 11002 USA

Please D O NOT make th e chec k payabl e to Swor d an d Staff ; make you r check s ou t directl y t o th e charit y t o whic h yo u would like your monies directed, and Sword and Staf f will forward it on. One hundred percen t o f all donations ar e sent t o the charity.

XIV

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How Xena Changed My Lir e " ft-\ i#< c

^f

•** r*1

When I originally sent out a note asking for stories, I said I was looking for stories of how the show had changed people's lives. The following stories are about personal triumph, learning to find strength through the show, losing loved ones, and growing up. Just as Xena and Gabrielle went through personal traumas, joys, and emotional development, so did the viewers of the show during the six years it was on. What better way to start off the book!

BandingTogether BY AJW

What has Xena: Warrior Princess meant to me? It's hard to sum it up i n a few words, but I'l l try. M y oldest sister watched th show when Xena wa s on Hercules. Her comment was, "When I grow up I want to be Xena " I, of course, thought this show was stupid a t first. Ever y tim e m y siste r woul d com e home fo r a visit she'd glue herself to the TV to watch it.

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XEIUA

Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor in summer 2OO1. (Photo by Wendy Sparks)

The firs t episod e I sa w was "Titans" in reru n o n USA , an d went, "Umm . .. OK." The first new one I saw was "Forget Me Not," and I thought , "No t bad. " Lon g story short , her e I a m with Xena pictures on my wall. I had always thought this show had some kind of subliminal message to hook a person; it's the only way to explain it. Then tw o years ago I lost my mother t o many illnesses all in one. I've heard so many times that God will not giv e a per-

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HOW/Jf^fMA

son mor e tha n the y ca n handle . Hearin g m y 68-year-ol d mother cr y out in pai n fo r her ow n mother . . . well, it stil l amazes me that whatever age you are, you'll always want your mom whe n you'r e scare d o r sick . Watching a person withe r and no t jus t die , bu t suffe r befor e death , make s a person' s faith shatter . The person left behind goes on, though. I would have, could have, should have , but slee p escape d m y sou l fo r quit e som e time. I got this computer an d discovere d the Xena We b pages and fan fiction. I met so many people all over the world, some thing I never imagined myself doing. Each Xenite has his or her own tale of why this show meant so much, and it' s something I truly believe Lucy or Renee will never understand. Every Xenite is a form of a misfit in one way or the other , havin g to overcom e som e kin d of obstacle tha t they never thought the y would, or could, until this show. I've seen peopl e mak e friends , fin d loves , band togethe r fo r an y cause, and pray. We also lost some friends an d mourned them , though most of us had never met them and only knew them by their screen name. The show gave hope to so many, gave them an idea that they needed to try. All of these things ar e in this show. Xena and Gabrielle had to overcome so many things, do things for the greater good, all for love . What better message can you give? It was nice to see a woman bein g stron g withou t th e influenc e o f a man. It' s s o hard just t o b e a woman i n thi s world , s o hard t o teac h ou r daughters to be strong in a world where no matte r ho w har d they fight, they'll alway s be considered second class. It was also refreshing t o see two women in real life be close friends an d I have a strong feeling Renee and Luc y will con -

3

JfEflfA

tinue to be just that. We were all given a gift to dream with thi s show and reading the fan fiction out there makes you see this. All these reasons and many more are why I loved the show. The ending o f Xena hurt me and even now, almost a year later, I' m left feelin g this turmoil an d anger, but al l in all, I'm stil l grateful tha t thi s show came into m y life.

/ loved the following story, and while it was short, Ashley Berry was the youngest person to send me a submission: Girl Power BY ASHLEY BERRY (AGE 13)

Xena change d m y life because I used to get picked on a lot by most o f m y class when I was in school . I started watchin g i t when it first came out, but I was seven, and wasn't really interested i n i t a t suc h a young age . But two years ago, my frien d called i t t o m y attentio n agai n an d I starte d t o watc h it . I t quickly became my favorite TV show. I saw how Xena never let people wal k all over he r an d I admired that . I tried i t an d i t worked! At school one da y a guy came up t o m e an d starte d calling rne names, and I was used to having this happen to me but something insid e me just started saying, "You don't need to take this fro m anyone! " I really didn't have any self-esteem, so I thought I could borrow Xena's for a moment, an d I told tha t boy, "Stop messing with me; I don't like it!" And from that day on h e hasn' t spoke n t o m e since ! Ever sinc e then my life ha s been a lot happier .

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HOW MEiVM GH/&W&ED

MW LIFE

"Even In cfeaffs „ . ." BY JULIE BENNETT

I fell in love with the show Xena, not because of the heroics of Xena, bu t becaus e o f th e relationshi p betwee n he r an d Gabrielle. I believe that women share a certain bond that even a man can' t hav e with a woman. I grew up with a girl named Sabrina. She was my best friend: we were roommates, she was a bridesmai d i n m y wedding, we were there fo r eac h other' s pregnancies. We were friends throug h the good times and th e bad, and sh e outlasted m y first marriage. We were everything to each other. I loved her more than my own sister. Like Xena left Gabrielle , Sabrina lef t m e a t th e ag e of 29 in 199 4 when sh e die d o f cervica l cancer . I too k car e o f Sabrina on her deathbed. Sabrina has a 14-year-old daughter named Storm y who i s a spitting image of her mother . I still take Storm y from tim e t o time , an d sh e is growing up wit h my daughter. They are six months apart . Sabrina has been dea d for eight years now and I still can' t get her out of my heart. I feel that like Sabrina and I, Xena and Gabrielle have a beautiful friendship and a bond tha t no ma n or woman coul d eve r shatter. I miss my friend an d watchin g X: WP reminds m e of the closenes s that I once had with her. I loved Sabrina as much as a woman could love another woman in a platonic relationship. Women at times are so busy being at each others' throats or competing with one another, but Xena showe d us that women can be there for each other through the sad times as well as the joyful time s and friend s ca n even be there until th e end. The show has brought me out of depression at times and has always

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XENA

given me something to look forward to . Even as a teenage girl growing u p I was never s o fanatica l abou t anythin g a s I a m about that show. I've even had my kids ask me, "Mom, are you in lov e wit h Xena? " I just hav e to laug h becaus e the y don' t understand. In a way Xena has filled the emptiness in my heart, the emptiness that was there from losing my best friend. Tha t is what the show has done for me.

Efternal Boneis BY JESSICA HEHSCHMAN

Once upo n a time, there wa s a young girl named Jessi e who loved her parents very much. So much, in fact, that she had difficulty partin g fro m them . No t i n th e sens e tha t Jessi e was unable to be away from them, but in the sense that the thought of leaving home permanently was extremely troubling to her . Jessie treasured the years with her family , evading contemplation o f university and it s requirement: movin g away . But she knew tha t th e tim e woul d eventuall y come , an d th e mer e thought o f it made her very sad. Jessie felt restricted , like she owed it to her parents to love and support them, and to fulfil l her duty as their youngest child by remaining the baby of the family, at home. This, after all , was her role — to be the loving and loyal daughter; the youngest in the family ; the slowest to grow up and move away. And yet, part of her yearned for free dom and autonomy. Another part restrained her, as if growing up was a breach of her self-defined role . So, Jessie trudged along , feeling rathe r helpless and afraid , craving an d avoidin g th e inevitabl e whe n suddenly , a rol e

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model emerged. "She was Xena, a mighty princess forged in the heat o f battle," the show' s openin g credit s exulted . Xen a th e Warrior Princess was a strong, independent woman who managed t o overpowe r he r adversarie s using formidabl e strengt h and intelligence. No matter th e situation, Xena and her trusty sidekick, Gabrielle , could outlas t any foe. Despite the difficul t situations and problems they faced, Xena and Gabrielle would always emerge triumphant. Jessie greatly admired these heroes, finding qualitie s i n them sh e believed to be lacking in herself. Not only were they strong and courageous, but als o independent and adventurous. Xena and Gabrielle managed to save the world at least once a week (and in the summers during reruns) with the help of only each other. But, after all , Xena was a television heroine, and Jessie knew that. Xena had a crew of writers and producers calculating each and every movement. Her hair and makeup were flawless, even after th e mos t difficul t battles . Whil e Jessi e receive d som e ribbing fo r lovin g a "comic-book " heroine , sh e remaine d undaunted. Fo r it was not th e Warrior Princess who inspire d and encourage d he r (althoug h Jessi e di d lov e th e action packed figh t sequences) , but th e value s fo r whic h sh e stoo d and exemplified. Xena and Gabrielle were strong, independen t women, fightin g evi l with courage . While Xen a fought wit h brain an d brawn , Gabriell e provided a sensitive counterpart , helping other s throug h kindnes s an d understanding . Jessi e respected these values, and adopted some of them for her own, to help her travel through life . So, what doe s a Warrior Princes s have to d o wit h Jessie's adolescent angst ? Xen a an d Gabrielle' s value s inspire d an d encouraged her, allowing Jessie to confront her own difficultie s

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Lucy dressed in her Spider-Man get-up at the Pasadena convention. May 2OO1. (Photo by Ellen Filler)

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HOW/ ME MM CfMUfOE D MiW

and to fight her own battles. They provided a sense of strength and self-relianc e lacking durin g Jessie' s younger years, a time when these qualities were not neede d to the sam e extent as at present. Now that sh e was struggling for self-reliance and th e courage to move on, Xena coul d help her on that journey. Jessie realized that roles could change during life; her position a s the youngest daughter develope d into that of a young woman. And the rol e of the young woman will probably shif t again. We need role models to help us evolve, so that when the time come s we will be abl e to dea l with life' s transformation s with greate r ease . Havin g develope d he r independence wit h the inspiration o f a heroine, Jessie learned to accept her changing role, and to grow with it. She has also come to realize that moving out doe s not mea n leaving forever. Although she may go away to university , she can continue t o lov e and valu e her family And that, might I say, is a happy ending achieved without the assistance of writers and producers.

Wajn-f®^. Princess, Teatsfier BY DIMITKIOS PROVIAS

About six years ago I was 12 years old, living in Athens, Greece, and goin g t o th e Frenc h schoo l there . I ha d rea d textbook s about math, biology, science, literature, art, and other curricular subjects . I knew quite a bit abou t a lot o f different things , and considered myself a learned young man. When Hercules: Th e Legendary Journeys cam e o n televi sion, I though t i t ha d absolutel y n o regar d fo r Gree k mythology and I refused t o watch it. After a little while, how-

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ever, I watched on e o f the movies . I didn't thin k i t was that bad, and I watched the rest of them. I decided that they hadn't distorte d th e mytholog y afte r all ; i t wa s actually a goo d depiction of the myths. Then I started watching the series. Not long afte r that , I sa w previews for a new serie s by th e sam e producers calle d Xena: Warrior Princess. Although a t firs t I thought i t was going to be the femal e version of Hercules an d I decide d no t t o watch it , I eventually caved in. Much t o my surprise, I though t Xena wa s actuall y a lo t bette r tha n Hercules. It also contained ne w elements. Xena hadn't always been a hero. She was trying to redeem herself. Also, Xena didn't hav e to go through i t alone. She had a friend whos e name was Gabrielle. Although what had draw n me to the sho w at first was the action, afte r abou t a year, I started t o look beyond that . Sure, Xena knew how to beat the bad guys up and she had a war cry that pumpe d m y adrenaline ever y time, but i t was more tha n that that kept me watching. What made me tune in every week was the growing friendship between the Warrior Princess and the Bard of Poteidaia. It was the fac t that nothin g could com e between them despite some rough times. As another year went by, Xena's figh t wit h he r inne r demon s wa s explored a littl e more in depth. I then realize d how I myself had t o fight with my own inner demons. I recognized that we all have the potential to do good or evil and that our actions define who we are. And that no t doin g anything was almost a s bad a s doing evil. So I decided that I would try to emulate Xena by striving to do good ever y day . I learne d abou t th e greate r goo d an d tha t sometimes w e nee d t o sacrific e som e o f ou r ow n thing s t o make the world a better place.

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CHANGED

MY LIFE

Above al l else, I learned ho w importan t friendshi p is. On the day I watched the third season finale, when Gabrielle sacrificed herself t o sav e Xena's life, I realized that friend s ar e no t only worth fightin g for , they are worth dyin g for. I learned to appreciate friends more than ever, and I learned how I could be a better friend . During m y teenage years, it had seeme d that m y own lif e was paralleling Gabrielle's life with Xena. When the fourth season started, I was 15 going on 16 and I had grown confused with the world around me. I saw wars unfolding on television and I was wondering if all this violence was necessary. I started reading abou t th e lif e o f Mahatrna Gandh i an d I wondered i f he was right. I then mad e anothe r decision : I would lov e everyone, including m y enemies, and I would turn th e other cheek. I starte d takin g yog a classes . I meditate d i n orde r t o reduc e stress and control my emotions. I became peaceful an d serene. I then joined another religion. My philosophical idea s were once agai n turne d upside-down . Whe n th e fift h seaso n ha d started, I ha d lef t behin d m y peacefu l sel f an d a ne w fir e burned insid e me . I made new friends. Friend s I trusted wit h my life an d I knew that I would d o anything to protect them . Yet I was still confused fro m tim e to time. I was afraid I would perpetuate the cycle of violence so often mentione d i n Xena. Now that th e serie s has ended, I feel like I've come full cir cle. I am a college student now and I'm thousands of miles away from home, an d abov e all, thousands o f mile s awa y from m y best friend. I truly miss him but now I feel like I have learned to be a better friend. I will still do anything in my power to protect my friends but I've also learned not to jump at anybody's throat just because they have made an empty threat. My friends com e

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almost befor e everythin g else and a s far awa y from the m a s I may be, a part of them is still always with me. When I look back on mysel f six or seven years ago, I see a young boy who knew nothing about the importance of having a friend o r being a friend, I see a boy who didn' t really know right fro m wrong . Of course, I knew a little, but I never realized that we all deserve a fair tria l in lif e an d tha t w e cannot judge good fro m evi l as simply as I thought w e could. I also learned tha t w e mus t forgiv e an d giv e peopl e a chanc e t o change because, who knows, the greatest villain can turn into the greatest hero. Although so many people look at Xena: Warrior Princess as a sho w tha t i s pur e entertainment , I hav e probably learne d more fro m Xen a than anyon e else. She, along with Gabrielle , has guided m e through m y adolescence and brought ou t th e best in me.

/ received a few stories like the following one, and was amazed at how many people used Xena's strength to help get them through the lowest points in their lives: In Siclcncss and In Hell BY

CANDIDEYES

I believe it was fate that led me to Xena: Warrior Princess, and because of that show I was able to get my life back together. On January i, 2001,1 programmed my VCR to tape channel 24 and record 12 hours o f the X-Files. It would giv e me something t o

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watch on that most boring day of the year, the Sunda y before the Supe r Bowl. I checked and rechecke d my settings to make sure everythin g wa s correc t an d change d th e tap e afte r si x hours t o continu e th e recording . On tha t fatefu l Sunda y I sat down t o watc h th e firs t 1 2 episodes o f th e X-Files. Instea d I found tha t th e tap e containe d 1 0 hour s o f Xena: Warrior Princess from th e Oxygen Channel marathon o n channel 75. It would be days before I figured out that a setting I changed only when th e VC R was originall y se t u p ha d bee n altered . Th e antenna had bee n change d from cabl e TV to TV and channe l 75 was projected through m y VCR on channe l 24. I had many hours to kill so I sat down with my guilty little pleasure. Th e firs t episod e I watche d wa s "Dreamworker. " Although I wasn't fascinate d by the episode , my curiosity was certainly piqued. As a new photography student I marveled at the composition o f the cinematography and was fascinated by the loyalt y o f th e friendshi p — no t t o mentio n Xen a an d Gabrielle were very good-looking. I watched all 10 episodes and was depressed when they were over. I starte d watchin g th e sho w ever y day o n th e Oxyge n channel, sometimes watching the episode twice in one day. On the weekends I watched the new season-six episodes even when they made little sense to me because I had misse d so much of the first five seasons. Eager to find out the answers to my questions, at the end of February I ordered the video sets of seasons one through five, purchased the Hercules trilogy and even purchased four o f the Hercules television movies so I could lear n the whole story. Here i s where fat e play s a par t i n this stor y an d ho w th e show helped m e overcome the greates t obstacle in m y life. By

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JCEJUA

late March th e video s ha d no t arrived . I went t o schoo l tha t morning and everyone was talking about sprin g break. I went home that day and called Creation about my videos. There was a computer glitch and they had tried to notify me by writing to an incorrec t e-mai l address . We solved the proble m an d the y promised me that the videos would arrive by spring break. When I hung up the phone I realized the Fates were sending me a message. For five years my life ha d bee n on e obstacl e or tragedy after another . I went through six major surgeries on the back of my skull. I was diagnosed with two disc protrusions and one disc bulge in my neck. I lost the love of my life afte r thre e years of a very intense relationship. My boss fired me after five years of loyal service to the company. My father died in June of 1997, leaving behind m y invalid mother, wh o neede d 24-hou r care on a shoestring budget. Sh e died on Jun e 18, 2000, after I had spent three years taking care of her through my own pain. During thes e fiv e year s I wa s prescribe d Vicodi n Extr a Strength pai n pill s to hel p with th e chroni c neck pain. Many times I took th e pills to sto p th e pain i n my heart. After fou r years I realized I was physically addicted to the medication bu t I had n o medica l insurance. I attempted t o chec k myself into rehabilitation onl y to be told to come back when I had insur ance o r cash . Twenty-four hours without th e medicatio n lef t me in incredible pain an d withdrawals similar to the agony a heroin addict might suffer. I didn't have time to go through five days of this kind of suffering an d take care of my mother wh o couldn't eve n fee d herself , change the channe l o n he r televi sion, or use the restroom on her own. These were my excuses to stay on the medication. I needed at least five days of doing absolutel y nothing t o be successfu l

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XENA CHANGED MY LIFE

When I received a story by Michael Eriksson (see page 14-7), he mentioned to me one of his illustrators, Patricia Parker, who had done covers for his magazines. When I contacted her, she sent me these gorgeous paintings she had done for the episodes, and you'll find them throughout the book. This one depicts scenes from the "Sacrifice" episodes. (Artwork courtesy Patricia Parker)

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and eve n then I felt I didn't have the strengt h to d o it on my own. My doctor warne d me that goin g cold turkey was dangerous and I shouldn't try it alone. I quit work and received a settlement t o hel p pa y fo r m y rehabilitatio n bu t I use d th e money to go back to school. Again, I didn't have time to get off the medication and my doctor continued writing prescriptions allowing me 10 to 1 2 pills a day. My head always felt like it was in the clouds, every day being overcast and fuzzy to me. It had been five years since I had felt even one day of clarity. I decided I would use spring break to ge t rid o f my addiction, an d tha t Xena would have to help me do it. I spent Saturday and Sunda y cooking my favorite comfort foods alon g wit h breakfas t an d lunc h fo r seve n day s an d desserts galore . M y bigges t fea r wa s tha t I woul d gai n 10 pounds durin g m y ordeal, but I knew I would no t hav e the energy to cook. I had six gallons of water and a couple of cases of Coca-Cola in the refrigerator. The tapes arrived on Monday. On Tuesday night I took my last pill. Unfortunately, my resolve lasted only 12 hours. I woke up in agony and took two pills at 10 a.m. and a third at 10:30 a.m. A few moment s late r fat e kicke d me in the butt again , but tha t was probably my mother gettin g very annoyed with me . My sister calle d me with wonderfu l news. She had bee n bowling for 3 0 years and called to tell me that she had bowled a perfect game in leagu e play. She did somethin g she feare d sh e coul d never do in her lifetime and I realized it was time to do the one thing I feared I could never do in mine. I didn't take any more pills that day. On Thursday morning I woke up feeling very achy. I went through the motions of life trying to keep my mind of f the pain. Nothing was working so

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I sa t dow n o n m y favorit e chai r an d starte d watchin g m y videos. The day started going by much faste r a s my mind was now on the adventures o f Xena and Gabrielle. All of a sudden, at around 1 0 p.m. that evening, my pain disappeared . For th e first tim e i n fiv e year s m y hea d wa s clear . Color s seeme d brighter. I dropped to my knees in the kitchen and started crying and praying my thanks to the heavens above. Of course that was just a teaser. The lack of pills was playing trick s o n m y mind , lettin g m e kno w ho w lif e coul d be . Within an hour the pain was back and had increase d tenfold. All I could hear was the pounding of my heartbeat between my ears and I wanted to run awa y from my head. The nex t thre e day s were spen t i n agony . I continue d t o watch tape after tape , hour afte r hour to pass the time. I would never have been able to accomplish this without such an interesting distractio n a s Xena: Warrior Princess. I t becam e m y focus and my family as I endured the long nights. When I finished all of the tapes I began watching the series a second time from beginnin g to end. After five days of excruciating pain, no sleep, and three days of force-feeding m y nauseous stomach I had come out o n to p and wen t bac k t o school . Nobod y tol d m e th e withdrawal s would last for 30 days as the medication worked its way out o f my system. Over the next five days my stomach locked up, the headaches returne d wit h les s intensity, an d i n Ma y I experi enced a hysterical reaction. Ever y injury I have eve r had ha s been o n the right sid e of my body and eac h tender bod y part was now frozen. I lay in bed fo r the better part of those 10 days with a blanket coverin g th e righ t sid e o f m y body , from m y frozen ea r to froze n ankl e and ever y sensitive spot in between.

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Every day I put tap e after tape ofXena int o the VCR to pass the time, absorbin g the lesson s learned an d keeping myself fro m taking a pill. After 3 0 days I started to fee l human again . I learned fro m the show and this experience that I can do anything I want to do. Of cours e I then wen t throug h th e traum a o f the show' s finale. I learned abou t th e deat h o f my hero on Jun e 18, 2001, while accidentall y readin g spoilers . I t wa s th e one-yea r anniversary o f m y mother' s deat h an d I crie d lik e a baby . Although saddene d an d angere d by the final e I realized once again that everything happens for a reason. It's up to us to find that reason. For m e th e reaso n wa s persona l growth . I hav e alway s wanted t o b e a writer bu t I have never been abl e t o writ e a beginning, a middle, and en d to any story I have ever written. That ha s al l changed a s I have written a comedy/drama tha t brings the ladies on Xena bac k to life . Not onl y can I do anything I want to d o but no w I am confident I will finish those things I start. VCR ineptness, a computer glitch, nine days of spring break, and Xena save d m e fro m th e darknes s and brough t m e back into the light. Thank you, Warrior Princess.

Becoming & Woman BY ALICIA SEADER

I remember when I first started watching X: WP. I was 14 at the time an d i n middl e school , whic h I' m sur e man y peopl e remember as the awkward years. I was the kid who felt like she

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HOW XENA CHANGED MY LIFE

didn't belong, not becaus e of looks, but becaus e of the way I thought. I had to grow up at a very young age: my parents separated when I was 12 and I felt lik e I had t o be responsible in every way, shape, and form . I never asked for anything material, and fel t that the money should be spent o n bills or other important things. During this difficult tim e in my life I felt like I ha d nowher e t o tur n o r anyon e t o tur n to . That' s whe n I heard that Xena: Warrior Princess was airing. Here was a female whom I felt, in some ways, was a lot like myself. The character was a depiction o f a woman who had a strong and intimidating look on the outside, but was also very vulnerable on the inside. She was also a woman who wasn't in touch with her feminine side. She didn't know how a woman should act; even being in a dress was awkward. Xena also kept her feelings bottled up because she didn't know how to express her feeling s an d didn't think anyon e would understand her . I watched this amazing character and felt, "Hey, that's me, that's who I am." With eac h season I grew with Xena. She was learning how to become a woman, express her emotions, an d more impor tantly, trus t someon e othe r tha n herself . The simpl e wa y to sum thing s u p wa s that Xen a was very human. Everyon e at some point i n time has doubts abou t who they are or are just learning who they really are, which in turn causes them to look deeper insid e themselves. I loved the message s that the sho w transmitted: the strength in friendships; how to cope with loss; the importanc e o f honesty , loyalty, trust, independence , an d love. I feel that I have grown as a person through watching the show. It's an experience, I feel, that forced me to look below the surface and see myself for who I really am.

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Okay, I didn't just choose this story because he makes mention of my first book, but hey, it never hurts to advertise! Seriously, though, the first book is now out of print, so if you have a copy it might actually be worth something. Or not. Probably not.

Blood, Guts, and! Babes BY SILEIMUS

The scene is a computer trainin g room , somewher e in Nort h London, England, in the sprin g of 1998. It is like hundreds o f other suc h place s around th e world . Th e roo m i s filled wit h desks and o n eac h one is a computer workstation . I n front o f each workstation sit s a course attendee. On e o f them is me, a hirsute, somewhat overweight male, nearly 50 years old. My company is very good about providing training opportunities. Thi s particula r cours e i s a n introductio n t o th e Internet. Whe n I heard abou t it , I signed u p straigh t away . I knew i t woul d b e usefu l a s background informatio n fo r m y job. However , I ha d a muc h mor e powerfu l motivatio n fo r attending, my own secret agenda. Back in 1994 I had been diagnosed with leukemia. It was a slow-acting form of the disease and the doctors said there was a good chance that i t would no t troubl e m e for many years. I wasn't that lucky. By the en d of 1996 the diseas e had advanced sufficiently fo r treatmen t t o b e required . Throughou t 199 7 I was on a course of mild chemotherapy that didn't affect me too much physically and by the end of that year the disease was in remission. I thought I was handling the situation well but in retrospect

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HOW XENA CHANGED MY LIFE

1 reall y wasn't. I hadn't though t throug h th e possibl e worst case scenarios, just forced them to the back of my mind. I had a kind o f false bravado, acting a s if nothing wa s amiss. At th e same time the world seemed so grey, and my relationships wit h family an d friend s seeme d remote. I n truth , the whol e thin g was festering i n my mind an d havin g an adverse effect o n m y life out o f all proportion t o the physical effects . Around May 1997 a new television station opened up in our country. It was called Channel Five . Among the trailer s advertising this new station, I noticed a show that featured beautiful , scantily cla d wome n i n som e terrifi c fightin g action . I mad e sure my TV was tuned to catch this new station when it started and I looke d ou t fo r thi s show . I t turn s ou t i t wa s calle d Hercules: Th e Legendary Journeys. I followed th e serie s casually for a while until they broadcast some episodes featuring a character called Xena. When I saw her, I was amazed. She was a tall, beautiful, powerful , dark-haire d dominatrix wit h a swor d i n her hand . Fo r me, strong women ar e fascinating and fightin g women ar e irresistible. It' s kinky, I know, but that' s how I am. Then they announced tha t this character was going to have her own series and, of course, I tuned in regularly to that . To begi n with , though , I though t o f mysel f a s a casua l viewer. This was one TV show among many that I watched but I didn' t min d to o muc h i f I missed a n episode . Sometime s I would tape the show but I didn't keep my recordings. Then alon g cam e th e episod e "Callisto " an d suddenl y I caught on to the depths that the show had to offer. It was visually arresting, it dealt seriously with difficul t moral dilemmas , and it was steeped in off-center eroticism . The screen was filled with ferociou s women sortin g ou t thei r difference s wit h n o

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need for recourse to male authority. Indeed all the males who dared t o tr y an d interven e wer e effortlessl y over-powered . Most striking of all, however, was the famou s campfir e scene . As I watched the exchanges between Xena and Gabrielle I said to myself, "Uh oh, these two are in love." In short, I was hooked. I wanted to fil l i n the backstory of these fascinating characters. Fortunately, the television statio n ran a lot o f repeats ove r the Christma s holida y season an d I was able to fill in the gaps. From the n on , m y fascination wit h th e sho w became a n obsession. Articles about Xena were beginning to appear in the cult TV magazines. Season three rolled on through th e spring of 1998 and the sho w began to take me over. It's as if I entered into thi s strange , wonderful world o f warrior women , gods , and mythical creatures. In my mind I would wander the forests and hill s with them, sharin g their adventures . I even selected an appropriat e Xenaverse persona fo r myself: Silenus, the fat, ugly old satyr of legend. I watche d episode s I ha d recorde d ove r an d over . Eve n when I wasn' t watching , scene s fro m th e sho w woul d ru n through m y head. I knew great chunk s o f dialogue by heart. Ideas for stories about the characters came to me. I even managed to write some of them down . Looking back I would say that the show took over my mind and re-arranged it. I needed to discard all the habits of thought that I ha d assemble d durin g th e cours e o f m y illness . Xen a invaded my mind. She broke down doors and threw open windows, letting the light come flooding into all the dark corners. From this time on I was transformed. All my old enthusiasm for life returned. Indeed, it was reinforced. I saw new beauty in the

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HOW XENA CHANGED MY LIFE

world. I cam e t o term s wit h my condition . I n fact, Xena helped me win back my life. That spring , a numbe r o f books abou t th e sho w ap peared an d I devoure d the m all. One , by a certai n Nikk i Stafford, included descriptions of Interne t We b sites devote d to the show. I had a theoretical idea o f what th e Interne t was but no practical experience. Which bring s u s bac k t o that classroo m an d m y hid den agenda. Xena and Gabrielle Our class teacher had taken charging into battle, as us through the theory. Now we

depicted by artist Kenneth

were given a chance to practice Jordan Jr (Artworkcourtesy what w e had learned . We had Kenneth Jordan Jr.) carte blanche to "surf the 'Net," and to go anywhere we wanted. I ha d brough t m y cop y o f Nikki' s boo k wit h m e an d I quickly keye d i n th e addres s o f a sit e calle d "Xen a Onlin e Resources" (it's still there at www.xenite.org). I had learned my lessons well and afte r followin g a few links I found myself staring a t th e mos t amazin g piec e o f writin g I ha d eve r encountered. She couldn't writ e that , could she ? (Apparently, she could.) Thi s was the mos t wonderfull y erotic stor y I ha d ever read . It was funny, ful l o f love, and very , very sexy. I ha d discovered fan fiction.

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For th e record , tha t ver y firs t stor y wa s a piec e calle d Wildfireby Rebecca Hall. Sinc e then I have enjoyed Xenafan fiction by authors too numerous to list here. The freshness and originality o f this genre of writing is a revelation. It is so fre e and unrestrained , allowin g writer s t o expres s anythin g tha t their imagination dictates . Through 199 8 an d 199 9 I continue d i n goo d health . I bought a computer an d went online. I joined in on the newsgroup alt.tv.xena , where I struck u p a friendship with a very remarkable person. We are still very close, even though we have never met . I bought al l the merchandise . I attended conven tions an d fa n fests . ( I must mentio n th e wonderfu l "By The Gods" events run b y Dean and Myk at Page's Bar in London.) I subscribed to mailing lists — XenaNet, the premiere list for UK fans, and Xena Subtext Warriors. Behind th e outwar d trapping s o f fandom , though , th e really important thin g is that I had internalized the lessons the show ha d t o teac h me . Thi s wa s just a s well, because I was about to face my greatest challenge. Over Christma s 1999 , the doctor s discovere d that m y disease was on th e mov e again. Throughout th e year 2000 I was on a succession of courses of heavy chemotherapy. By the en d of that year , the diseas e was in remission again . The proble m was that the doctors couldn't say how long it would be before it was back. It could be only a matter o f months. When it did come back, there wouldn't b e anything else they could do. The best chance for a long-term solutio n was a bone marrow transplant. This wasn't a n easy option. I would be very ill for a long time and ther e was a 20 percent chance of not sur viving at all I thought, "Wha t woul d Xena do?" I thought of

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HOW XENA CHANGED MY LIFE

the courag e o f Gabriell e i n facin g u p t o he r fat e i n "On e Against An Army." I resolved to go for it . The transplant happened in March 2001. It was tough but I am now recovering and everything is going well. The attitudes that the show had helped me to build got me through at every stage. I still don't get out much, because of the risk of infection, but I a m neve r bored . I have my tapes and DVDS . I have my books an d m y fan fiction stories. I have my friends t o corre spond with. I have Xena and Gabrielle. I love this show. It is unique i n the history of television. It has a mysterious, magica l power. I still fee l tha t powe r an d I hope I always will.

Forgvven BY JUSTINE ABBOTT

My good friend an d I had been going through a rough patch for abou t a month. I n a final heate d argument , we both said some things that got out o f control. I ended up in tears and I vowed never to spea k to him again . The last thing h e said to me was "Bitch," muttered under his breath. I knew our friend ship was finished because he had too much pride to fix things up between us and I just didn't want someone like that to be my friend. I had love d that friend , h e was a great one fo r th e time tha t i t lasted . I ignore d hi m absolutel y an d completel y from that time on, passing him in the hallways without saying a word. In late July though, I had the unique pleasure of viewing the season fiv e premier e o f Xena: Warrior Princess. I notice d

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Gabrielle and he r struggl e to b e pure an d goo d in trying circumstances. I couldn' t believ e he r complet e an d utte r forgiveness of Callisto, the one whom she had hated for so long. Callisto, th e loathe d enem y wh o kille d he r husband , joine d forces wit h her daughter, and continuall y trie d t o kill her an d her best friend. I was astounded! Her e was a girl who had real reasons to hate and despise a person an d Gabrielle lived up to her reputatio n by forgiving th e ange l Callisto. And I realized I had had a petty little argument with a person I used to like and I hated him instantly. Something was wrong with the situation . The very next da y at school, I walked right up t o him , sat down next to him, much to his surprise, and began to talk out our problems . I apologized and forgav e him. Then we hugged for a long time. It was amazing and all I could think about was how Gabrielle was my only influence to fi x something so trivial. Althoug h we'r e no t bes t friend s now , I' m no t stupidl y ignoring him anymore ; we're mates who have gotten over our mutual hatred of each other. Gabrielle is a real hero in this case and even to this day, I continually think about it and wonder if she influences anyone else to the extent she has me. I thank her from th e bottom of my heart for teaching me the gif t o f love, mercy, and friendship.

Since the majority of Xena viewers were women, and many of those were young women, it seemed to come along at a time in people's lives when they were about to go through a change, and the stories and developments that the characters underwent reverberated with the viewers:

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HOW XENA CHANGED MY LIFE

The Stor y &f 2€&mst€gMia* BY MEGHANN "XENAFREAK" WRIGHT

X:WP ha s had a tremendous impact on my life. I used to be the type o f sh y kid wh o woul d hid e behin d things . I never liked playing sports o r showing an y creativity to m y classmates for fear of them making fun of me. I always made myself out to be what other people wanted me to be. I never raised my hand in class to ask for anything or answer a question . But six years ago everything changed . I was watching television wit h m y older brothe r an d h e started channe l surfing . We started watchin g Hercules, and immediatel y afte r i t cam e Xena. I believe it was the first episode, which I'm now glad that I caught. From that moment o n I was a changed person. I made sure that I'd be home at eight to watch it. When I saw how Xena reacted to so many situations that were more difficul t than the ones I had to face, I started feeling that if she could do it, so could I. When I got into situations I would often wonder how she would handle it, the classic "What Would Xena Do?" type of thing. Since I couldn't reall y beat anyone up, I took the more reasonable way of figuring out how she would handle it mentally. I eventuall y starte d t o b e mor e outgoin g an d answerin g questions i n my classes. I showed people the real me, the person wh o ha d waite d s o lon g t o surface . I didn' t car e wha t people starte d t o thin k abou t m e anymore . I remembe r th e first time I handed i n somethin g tha t ha d Xen a on it , and I knew everyone would se e it. To my surprise no on e sai d anything abou t it , s o I starte d handin g i n project s an d doin g artwork about Xena y whic h go t me great marks because some of my teachers loved the sho w as well.

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I also started to work on a little comic strip on the side during my own time . It was called Xenaguin: Warrior Penguin. It was no t mean t t o mak e fu n o f he r o r anything , but i t was something that I could do to help myself, and make other people laugh . I eve n sen t th e firs t cop y t o Luc y herself . And I started writing stories about warriors. I'm glad that I stumbled across this amazing show six years ago. I f I hadn't , wh o know s ho w I woul d hav e turned out; probably still sitting in the back row, not making a sound. Now I'm out in front, talking about Xena to whomever, and am now known as XenaFreak. I went through high school with my head held high and often thinking about how she did change my life. I even made a report on it. It turned ou t I was so well known as the XenaFreak, one of my teachers at my high school graduation asked me to do the Xena war cry. It hasn't onl y been Xena tha t changed my life, but Lucy . If she ha d give n up he r dreams , she wouldn't b e wher e sh e is. Because sh e was determined to le t nothing sto p her, nothing will sto p me . I' m prou d o f th e fac t tha t I ca n cal l myself a Xenite. I hope that in the future I will be able to meet her, and let her know that. But for now, it's just wishful thinking. Thank you to everyone who could make the show possible, and who helped a girl who was lost in the world find her way.

/ received a lot of stories from women who didn't realize they were gay until they began watching the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle, and the acceptance of their friendship on television enabled the viewers to come out as well. This is one of the best stories I received:

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HOW XENA CHANGED MY LIFE

Tfse Lu&y Efff&ct^ or §-i& w/ SB Reformed Warlord Touched My Lif e BY TfTfSH SHIELD S

I suppos e i t sound s rathe r strang e t o hea r ho w many peopl e have been affecte d by a silly television show. But not al l life lessons com e screamin g in a t you lik e a bolt o f lightning; som e are very sneaky and wear the guise of normalcy I first becam e aware of the sho w Xena: Warrior Princess in 1997.1 have three children, an d the y al l became diehar d fan s fo r on e reaso n o r another — th e leather , swords , figh t scenes , friendship, duty , honor, an d because she was a woman fightin g alone . I distinctly remember making supper late one afternoon when the music from the show came on. I've always monitored what my children watch, and so poked my head around the corner. There was this larger-than-life, bold upstart of a woman trouncing all the men who dared attack her. She had long dark hair and incredibly blue, blue eyes. I came in to sit down, meal preparation set aside. After the episode was over, my kids and I talked about wha t we'd seen. Back in those early days subtext was very ambiguous and we really didn't have to discuss the sexual aspect of things at all. We did, however, talk abou t ho w women surviv e alone . My son was unconvinced that any woman could actually heft a sword let alone survive from da y to day and beat up any fellow who ha d th e nerv e t o attac k her . My oldes t chil d wa s ver y thoughtful, an d decide d tha t sh e could believ e a woman wa s able to stand on her own two feet but wasn't convinced that the gravity-defying moves were realistic. The youngest of my three was just interested in Xena's friend Gabrielle, and how she used her staff . So , off to the library we went.

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My son was most impressed by how many female warriors there ar e throughou t history : Isabell a Castil e o f Aragon , Caterina Sforza o f Milan, Lad y Mary Bankes of England, an d Christian 'Kit ' Cavanagh , als o o f England , wh o serve d a s a Dragoon i n the Britis h Army, at first disguised as a man an d later openly as a woman. It also came as a surprise to my oldest to see that martial arts came in many forms, some of which can indee d see m t o def y th e law s o f physics . M y younges t learned that a person ca n take care of himself or herself without resortin g to bloodshed, an d that yes, sticks can indeed be formidable weapons . W e have al l learne d a bi t mor e abou t Greek mythology. What ha s kep t m e watchin g lon g afte r th e childre n hav e gone t o be d wa s the underlyin g subtex t tha t bega n midwa y through th e secon d seaso n an d the n gre w wit h leap s an d bounds until the last few minutes of the final episode . What a rush it was to see a spark between tw o women o n screen an d not hav e to fee l foolis h about it . The subtext ha s always been portrayed a s a n importan t aspec t o f thei r relationship , bu t didn't define it. Both were capable women who made a place in the worl d fo r themselve s a s individuals an d als o a s a couple . But the interesting par t about this show is that there was genuine affection , friendship , an d lov e betwee n th e tw o mai n characters. It was the characters that snagged me but it was the dynamics between these two strong independent wome n that kept me watching. The premise of the show , in my opinion, is universal, and certainly not jus t for women. Here we have a main characte r who won' t readil y let peopl e i n pas t he r emotiona l defense s because she sees it as a sign of weakness. She's a single parent

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Scenes from "The Debt." (Artwork courtesy Patricia Parker)

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who had to give up her child because she knew it was the right thing to do. She was also a woman with a very sordid past who is trying to deal with her personal demons, and deal with them alone. I t was a story of on e independen t woma n agains t th e world. I think man y people foun d tha t whole premis e t o be quite attractive . The relationshi p betwee n Xen a an d Gabriell e seeme d t o spark a growin g numbe r o f women t o identif y on e o r bot h characters as being a lesbian icon. For many lesbians, having a larger-than-life heroin e who ca n exist in an often violen t an d unfair world is just what the doctor ordered . That she is also a brilliant strategist and weapons exper t as well as being physically imposin g an d allurin g i s somethin g tha t make s he r doubly attractive. Ever so slowly, we were shown just how rich and interesting each lead character is . By showing an atypica l stereotype, the viewer wa s give n a n opportunit y t o watc h a relationshi p unfold over a six-year period to the point where it didn't matter whethe r th e wome n wer e ga y or no t becaus e the y ha d evolved into somethin g that transcended "normal" television. We wer e give n a hero, bu t on e tha t wa s flawed . Xen a was a woman who onl y wanted to get through lif e th e best way she could, makin g self-discoverie s alon g th e way . How coul d we not identif y with suc h a woman who discover s life isn' t what she'd planne d an d no w has to chang e an d adap t i n orde r t o survive? Whether o r no t al l viewers saw the relationshi p sh e had wit h Gabriell e a s a love stor y i s really beside the point . How many different peopl e balk at the system/societal norms imposed o n the m t o fin d a common groun d fro m whic h t o base a lasting relationship? More than I can count.

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And that's what makes this love story so important t o portray on the television screen. It isn't a one-night stan d or a fairy tale about Princess Charming and the Bard. Rather, it is about two los t soul s wh o ar e re-acquainte d a t a low point i n eac h other's lives . Both characters have fallen shor t a few times bu t how very realistic is the portrayal of two people in a commit ted relationship , whethe r you se e it a s being sexual or not . I t isn't perfect; it isn't that rounded spoonfu l o f sugar that makes the lif e lesso n g o down easier . It's th e difficul t situation s yo u endure until you can find and build a shelter, a haven, whereby you an d your s ca n mak e a lif e together . Com e hel l o r hig h water, it doesn' t matte r wha t th e se x is of each partner, what matters is the love. I don't necessarily think o f the character s as being lesbians or bisexuals. I don't believe the gender side of things had anything t o d o wit h it , thei r lov e jus t is . Thei r futur e karm a indicates they'll retur n agai n and again, and not necessaril y as females, s o it must b e the inne r sel f that attracts them. It has been such a natural progression for them to go from reluctan t friends t o bes t friend s an d comrades-in-arms , t o th e fina l phase of accepting they are soul mates who love each other i n ways that defy labels. It is very empowering for women to see a capable and con fident woma n raise d t o th e statur e o f heroic icon amids t th e male heroes of the day. Watching a woman come to grips with the terrible mistakes she's made and actually want to voluntarily pay for her crimes is very admirable, but Xen a goes beyond that. She wants to reinvent herself, eradicating the effect s o f a poor social upbringing and the random act s of violence, which makes her a true hero. That the show has not only survived but

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also bee n ver y successful indicate s tha t al l the demographic s have been served in the production o f the show and not sim ply aimed a t the mal e teenage viewer who tunes i n expectin g simple-minded female s who can't exist without a man. It's on e o f life' s littl e coincidence s tha t whil e a fictiona l character was coming to grips with her dark past and learning about trust, I was coming to grips with a few of my own problems. I've learned a great many things about ho w I deal with the worl d a t large , becomin g mor e confiden t an d certainl y more at ease with who I am. Opening myself emotionally has allowed me to see more opportunities in life than I ever would have otherwise. In the span of five years, I've gone from bein g an unhappy woman in a miserable marriage to being the separated an d finall y divorce d happ y mothe r o f thre e children . While writin g poetr y wa s somethin g I'v e alway s loved , i t wasn't until I found my own inspiration fro m this show before I could actually tap into the reams of poetics that I longed t o get out. An American publisher ha s approached me who will be producing a book of my poems later this year. I've also been stretching my fiction-writing muscles of late and hope to have success in that area as well. The numbe r o f people who hav e met an d gon e o n t o b e couples vi a th e man y list s se t u p aroun d th e Xena: Warrior Princess fandom is truly amazing. When most o f the worl d is fast asleep in their beds, a great number of men and women are still connectin g acros s cyberspace . These peopl e com e fro m many differen t walk s of lif e wit h on e thin g that binds them : Xena. Friendship s hav e bee n forme d ove r IC Q and AOL Messenger, both allowing its members to shar e thoughts an d dreams, hopes and fantasies, and even a little of their burgeon-

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ing skills developed from the inspiration gleane d from the television show. In m y personal relationships , I'v e mad e countles s friend s from al l over the world. We are, in many ways, closer than th e families w e wer e bor n into . Man y couple s I kno w spen t months an d sometime s year s befor e actuall y meetin g eac h other fro m citie s sometime s halfwa y acros s the world . Ther e are some horror stories , but b y and large the couple s I know have gon e o n t o becom e lovin g an d committe d partners . I count mysel f amon g thei r numbers . I me t m y partne r o n a Xena lis t dedicate d t o th e writing s o f a certai n publishe d author, Missy Good. While it was a whirlwind romance fraugh t with distance , tearfu l goodbyes , an d happ y reunions , i t too k place online over a 36-month period. After my partner received her lande d immigran t statu s sh e cried , an d the n whispered , "I'm home. " We're building a life together , on e that definitely includes Xena. The amoun t o f talen t availabl e throug h Xena fando m i s boundless, with man y authors seekin g and finding publishers willing to expand their collectio n o f lesbian fiction. I can't tell you jus t ho w terribl y liberatin g i t fel t t o se e that ther e were folks wit h th e sam e vivi d fantasies , the sam e nee d t o writ e about the subtext between two strong female heroes. Knowing there wer e others o f my ilk out i n cyberspac e inspired m e t o seek a commo n forum , i n thi s cas e throug h list s tha t hav e sprouted u p all over the Internet . As a writer developin g a fictional world wher e folk s fac e adversity, and fo r the mos t par t liv e happily eve r after, w e are assuring ourselves that w e are just like everyone else. But th e overwhelming need to mirror a normal existence, whether real

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or imagined, stems from ou r ow n need to become part o f an accepted society . We are differen t bu t w e long t o belong . By expressing thes e view s through fando m lists, w e ar e abl e t o share experiences , giv e emotiona l support , an d forg e bond s that span the globe. Now that Xena: Warrior Princess has ended , I fin d mysel f unwilling t o g o into th e worl d unmarked . I'v e been change d and it reflects on how I present myself to those around me. I've met man y people fro m differen t walk s o f lif e an d countries , with various customs and viewpoints on the world at large. I've shared heartache s an d heartbreak , triump h an d tragedies , along with the birth and death of people who have made a difference i n m y life . N o longe r a m I comfortabl e to jus t b e a blank page that fit s in or is easily dismissed. I'm a gay parent, I have a wonderful mate, and I' m a n avowe d Xenite. This las t might soun d terribl y smarm y but I belong to a collective of sorts, on e o f man y i n a famil y o f thos e wh o wer e touched , never to be the same again. And although neither the stars nor the produce r wil l eve r full y gras p just ho w empowerin g this show ha s been , i t doesn' t matte r becaus e a s Luc y Lawles s pointed out , for one brief moment, there was magic.

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While some of the stories I received were about meeting celebrities, finding soul mates, or lives changing because of Xena, others were about the experience of watching the show, and what the show itself meant to them. I've decided to put all of those stones together into one section, a chapter about what it was like to discover a show like Xena: Warrior Princess. Do any of these stories sound familiar?

The Forging

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BY JENIFER S. WHITE

Much can be said about the way that Xena: Warrior Princess has affected m y life . A n ico n o f th e time , Xen a represented a rol e model wit h al l the characteristic s tha t I , an d s o man y others , longed t o hav e fo r ourselves . Each season , eac h episode , Xena faced trial s and tribulations, relying on her strength of character to prevail. In a time where strong feminine role models were sorely lacking, Xena appeared in her trademark way to save the day. Part of what is important t o me is that the character devel-

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oped her strength and fiber in the face of adversity; that hard ships in her life did not break her, but made her stronger. Xena aired during a time in my personal life when I, too, was facing difficult choices , and bad-break situations. I began to look for that strength each week as a testament to what I could become, if I tried. The creators of Xena tempered her iron will with a heart of gold, softene d th e toug h exterio r wit h a love s o pure tha t i t could span across life and death. Though Xena fought viciously for wha t sh e believed in, sh e was also abl e to sho w love an d compassion, reflecting the notion tha t to be strong, you didn't have to be indifferent. Xena offere d fan s th e ide a of true love, valor, and courage that no other program did. In return for her journey, Xena was blessed with a "soul mate, " something tha t each o f u s drea m about , bu t fe w eve r reall y achieve . Xena taught it s fans tha t n o on e is perfect, and that ever y relationship, even if it seems to be perfect, has its downside, and tha t into each life a little rain must fall . Xena gav e us, ironically, reality. In an almost unimaginabl e setting, so long ago , X:WP's creator s taught u s that n o on e is perfect. They gave us a role model that was flawed. The idea of the perfect "hero" has been done , and don e again . Ou r Xena has ha d heartbreak , just lik e I have . She has los t famil y an d loved ones, as I have. She has made mistake after mistake , as I have, and has learned to be wary and mistrusting, as I have. Yet, through all , she has achieve d a higher sens e of self , which i s what I try to do now. Xena's wounds have made her stronger, each lesson she learned she used to her advantage . Each tim e she fell , sh e got back up. These attributes ar e what I love th e character and the show for. They teach me about my own life,

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Renee O'Connor signs a young fan's stomach, white Lucy signs autographs in the background. (Photo by Wenofy Sparks)

and my own issues, and how to deal with them. A warrior princess , so many ages ago, was sent to u s like a gift fro m th e gods . Sh e brought u s laughte r an d tears , intro duced us to a world and a time that few of us have ever known. She taught u s pai n an d joy , self-defense an d self-destruction , but mos t o f all , she taugh t u s love . Ironically , fro m a battl e queen, we learned how to love ourselves, how to show compassion, forgiveness, and lov e for other s who ca n se e beyond ou r flaws and accep t us anyway. In the end, she taught u s that lov really does conquer all. Her courage has changed the world .

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"Jcnna: Wasrraor Princess" BY JENNA RENEE

What ha s Xena don e fo r me ? Well, if you eve r came to visit , you'd be able to see first hand what it has done to my room, at least, if not m y life. When Xena first started, I had no idea that it existed . Th e onl y reaso n I eve n wante d t o watc h i t wa s because I ha d someho w acquire d th e nicknam e "Jenna : Warrior Princess, " and I ha d n o clu e a s to why . My friend's grandparents kept calling me Jenna: Warrior Princess, or Xena, so one day I asked them "Who is Xena?" My friend said , "Don't you know who Xena is?" and I replied, "No!" (Now , being the Xenite that I am, I look back at that question an d laugh.) After all, according to my friend, and several members of his family, I am Xena. Xena ha s had a profound effec t o n my life. I started watching the show near the end of the first season, when I was about 10 years old, and I was instantly hooked. I flipped through th e channels one day and came across a show in which I saw a tall, dark-haired woma n fightin g of f some enemies. So I sat down and bega n t o watch . Whe n th e commercia l brea k came , I found ou t tha t th e sho w was Xena: Warrior Princess. I believe my exclamation was, "That's Xena? That's who I'm supposed to be?! Cool!" So for the next five seasons, I was occupied from th e hours o f 8 p.m. t o 9 p.m. o n Saturday . I had t o b e hom e t o watch Xena. Or a t least be in the presenc e of a television tha t could switch to the show. My mother cringe d whe n sh e saw the price s o f the item s that I acquired from the catalog. What did a 10-year-old need with a $300 chakram, anyway? What a stupid question! It's the

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chakram! Of cours e I needed it ! I also needed the sword . And the T-shirts , mugs , comi c books , jewelry , jackets, watches , pewter figures, signed photos, trading card sets, scripts, books, CD-ROM games, and, of course, the Official Fan Club kits. Every single one of them. (OK , maybe this had mor e of an effect o n my mother' s walle t tha n m y life , bu t I would no t ge t rid o f those item s fo r anything. ) Xena gav e m e a way of lif e fo r si x years. I met so many people through cha t rooms and conven tions, and I saw fan fiction galore on Web sites, which inspire d me to write my own book. But the mos t importan t impac t o n m y life cam e from th e subtext issues that the show went through. At first, I was on the bandwagon, banne r raise d hig h tha t rea d "They'r e jus t friends!" So they shared a hot tub? So they kissed at Gabrielle's wedding? I t was a friendly kiss! But then, aroun d th e fourt h season, I had thi s great big realization that I was gay. And my entire perspective changed. I took comfort from the show, seeing two women side by side, fighting for what they believed in and for each other. It made me see that it was acceptable to be the way I was. Reading how so many people approved of a relationship existing betwee n Xen a and Gabrielle mad e m e mor e comfortable that I would be accepted. The show allowed me to believe in myself. I adopted Xena's confidence an d man y of Gabrielle' s ideals . Plus , I foun d two wonderful actresse s t o model my acting caree r after. Si x years of idolizing Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor will do that to you. My friends can' t eve n imagine how I would be had Xena never existed . It' s a s much a par t o f m e a s anythin g els e is. Heart, soul, mind, body, Xenite. I grew up with Xena; she's like a membe r o f m y family . Loo k what ha s becom e o f me ! All

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thanks t o th e wonderful , life-altering, world's greates t television show, Xena: Warrior Princess.

I laughed at how many submissions I received that started off with something along the lines of, "When I first saw the show it was because my brother/sister/ friend/father/insert-other-poor-mocked-fan-herewas watching it, and it was SO stupid. But then I saw an entire episode . . . " Part of my amusement stemmed from the fact that I had done the same thing. My sister-in-law had watched the show for an entire year before I finally listened to her and began watching it,

too. Life, the Xenawerse, and Everything BY JULES WAR RICK

My name i s Jules an d I' m a Xenaholic. While m y whol e lif e does no t revolv e around Xen a and Gabrielle , or Lucy Lawless and Rene e O'Connor, the character s o r som e part o f the TV show are in my mind at some point every day. It all started innocently enough , with a rerun of "Callisto" during the summer followin g the first season . I had see n bit s and pieces of the show and had a couple of friends who never missed a n episode , bu t thoug h I was amused, I thought th e show was too far-fetched, an d wasn't for me. That little blonde had t o ge t save d b y Xen a to o man y times . Bu t the n I saw "Callisto" fro m beginnin g to end, and I knew I had to see this show again!

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This episode had everythin g . . . eye candy, action, a good storyline, even good acting (it also unfortunately had Joxer, but that's anothe r issu e altogether) . I n m y viewin g area , th e episodes wer e show n twic e a week , s o I watche d "Callisto " again with my partner and the next week we set the VCR to tape "A Fistful o f Dinars." After watching that a few times through out th e week I decided I really liked Xena an d wante d more ! The followin g week w e starte d tapin g withou t commercial s and thus began the great videotape collection . One o f the thing s tha t dre w me t o th e sho w (beside s two good-looking women who could kick butt) wa s the friendshi p between Gabriell e an d Xena . There wa s somethin g i n Xena's voice when she called ou t t o Gabriell e in "A Fistfu l o f Dinars " after th e rope bridge broke that made me realize that there was more concer n tha n the hero savin g the sidekick . I' m a strong believer in subtext an d I'v e read a lot o f fan fiction, but a t this point, none of that existed for me. After seeing that episode I saw more of the tenderness and developing friendship between the women an d hav e since come to th e conclusio n tha t i t is Xena who fell in love first and expressed it more often (onscreen ) than Gabrielle, albeit in a friendship/family kind of way. That wa s the beginnin g o f my obsession . B y the tim e th e second seaso n rolle d around, I was ready with m y videotape s and had done some research about the show and the actresses. My partner shared my enthusiasm until somewhere in the third or beginnin g o f the fourt h season. At that poin t sh e decide d there was too much Joxer for her, so I became the sole crazy one in the household. Becaus e of my obsession, some things in my life changed . One o f the firsts was that w e got a computer. We had considered getting one for a while, but hadn't had the moti-

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vation. After reunitin g wit h an ol d friend who also love d thi s TV show, she told me about these mailing lists on the Interne t (I didn't know what that was yet, either). So even though it was in the planning stages, we got a computer becaus e ofXena. Al l of my previous research had been done at a couple of libraries, looking throug h magazine s an d T V Guides (assemblin g m y own episode guide of sorts), and asking friends what they knew about the show. The Internet . Mailin g lists . Her e I foun d other s lik e me ; some wh o wer e eve n mor e fanatical . Her e I foun d a plac e where I wasn't considered odd . Though I have been on several lists ove r th e years , my thre e cor e list s hav e been Xenaverse, GabsClan, and a private "invitation only " list. I've made a great many friend s ove r th e year s throug h thes e variou s list s an d because of that hav e traveled more in the last five years than I had in the previous 15. I've met some wonderful friends in per son at various conventions (a s of this writing I've been to five), the firs t on e bein g th e Sa n Francisc o co n wit h Rene e O'Connor. I am with friends who have been brought togethe r because o f the lov e of a TV show, ones I know I will have for many years beyond the time of fandom. I know several couples who got together, starting off as penpals (of the Internet sort) as they discovered common interest s outside of the Xena fandom (as is the case with many friends as well). It's this friendship and expression of love that I find to be so special about the Xenaverse and it will certainly be the thing that I think o f in the futur e a s I look back on what this sho w meant t o me. Fans come and go , especially on mailing lists, as priorities change, interest in television changes, and as the show itself changes, but man y of the friendships will endure .

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One of my favorite Xena artists is Jeanette Atwood, who did a comic strip called "Battle On!" for several years. She pokes fun at hardcore nutballs better than anyone else, probably because she is one. (Artwork courtesy Jeanette Atwood)

Being a lesbian, I've considered myself to be an Amazon many years before Xena and Gabrielle came along, but I have appreciated the positive images this show has presented of strong women and the tribes of Amazons (a few episodes like "Kindred Spirits " being the exception). While I can't explain why many women — lesbians in particular — are drawn to the show, I know that for me and some of my friends, it's the depiction o f two strong women, on their own, without the aid of any men, living their lives as they see fit. There is no concern with how they look or conversations about what to wear and how to act to attract a man, even when the relationship was more ambiguous. The tribes of Amazons — especially feathery ones to which Gabrielle became heir and th e sixth season Marga/Varia-led group — are the best examples of women forming their own nation. I am, however, rather fond of

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the young furry Amazons that descended from Cyane and company in the Adventures in the Sin Trade episodes . Because of this show, the Amazon nation will continue to be strong. As a fan o f Xena: Warrior Princess I've learned a few things, and the show has helped me change some ideas I had held previously. I'm well into my adulthood, as I was when I first started watching the show, but som e of the "morality tales" still had an effect. When I started watching in 1996,1 was also an avid X-Files fan an d I loved Scully. But as I started watching Xena I discovered I wanted to be Xena, and felt that I could be Gabrielle. I kept in min d som e o f the lesson s th e du o trie d t o pas s on: not t o judge a scrol l by its paper (whic h was pretty muc h alread y a motto fo r me anyway), be brave, be nice, be honest (bu t if you have to be devious for the greater good, it's okay), be loyal. I was more willin g t o giv e someon e a secon d chance , rathe r tha n expecting that person to be "bad" (see the first lesson). Watching this sho w helpe d m e b e stronge r an d mor e assertive , and t o stand niy ground as needed. My own health consciousness grew and thoug h I hav e neve r develope d Gab' s ab s o r foun d th e strength to climb a mountain, I have tried to maintain a healthy body and body image. I've learned that you don't hav e to agree with everythin g tha t you r friend s believ e i n o r d o an d stil l remain friends. I've learned to believe in heroes again.

A Light of IWy Own BY KILLING JOKE

High school , the last year but one . My best frien d tol d m e t watch a certai n serie s calle d Xena: Warrior Princess: "You're

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gonna love it! It's so like you." One fine Saturday I sat down for my very first Xena episod e "Hoove s an d Harlots. " I couldn' t have picked ou t a better one; I nearly fell off the couch. There they were: the female action heroes I had always lacked during my youth. When I was 14 years old, I starte d shootin g i n a n indoo r club on cards at a distance of 10 meters, with an air pistol an d .22 rifle. Later, when I changed clubs, I took to an air rifle — an Olympic discipline — and sometime s eve n the crossbow . I've come across rather shallo w people who found it a weird spor t for a gir l (whil e the Belgia n Champion i s actually a woma n who shoots better than men at the same level). You should have seen the look s on their face s whe n they saw me shootin g a t a stand a t some fair . I n m y childhood year s I preferred playing with G.I. Joes instead o f Barbies, since G.L Jane hadn't mad e her arrival yet. With Xena everythin g changed. I got frustrated when I couldn't find anything about Xena outside the show itself (I live in Belgium), until we received our Internet connectio n a t home. An entire new world opened u p to me. I discovered the site of the Dutch Xena an d Hercules fan club, became a member, and subscribed myself to that mailing list an d man y more, where I heard fan s mentionin g th e sub text. The first time I noticed something was up was when I saw "The Return of Callisto," where Xena kisses Gabrielle goodbye. I sensed an odd tension there. I found the second sign in "The Quest" but i t wasn' t unti l I wen t onlin e tha t m y suspicion s were confirmed. Just one of the things I've always admired about Xena was the multi-layered aspect of the show, and subsequently the differen t interpretations Xenites could giv e for each episode. In a weird

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Alexandra Tydings and Claire Stansfield ham it up for the camera. (Photo by Ellen Filler)

way, you could compare it to Shakespeare . He wrote plays that had actio n an d bloo d i n them , bu t als o fine phrases an d wit , thought, debate, and learning; the plays contained subtle humor, clownish numbers, love interests, and song and dance. Some of us related to one aspect, others (like myself) to all of them. A major asset of Xena was her stand against discrimination . Whether it was against racism, sexism, homophobia, o r persecution because of one's beliefs, Xena changed me, in the sense that I don' t thin k i n term s o f "goo d an d bad " anymore . Nothing's eve r that black and white. All people possess a core

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that contain s th e "heart o f darkness" but ever y human bein g also has the ability to do good things. It's up to you to choose. And i f yo u mak e som e wron g choice s i n you r life , there' s always the opportunity t o do something about it and turn your fate around , becaus e everyon e deserve s a secon d chance . Xena's th e "living " proof. Sh e believed human s coul d shap e their ow n destin y an d mol d i t accordin g t o thei r dreams , hopes, and aspirations. It's amazin g how man y peopl e thi s serie s influenced , the huge impact o n it s fans. This sho w inspired Xenite s to create the mos t beautifu l pieces of artwork; write poems, shor t an d epic stories, or even invent new genres, like skits and filk songs. Reading those pearls gave me the strength to finally start writing my own fan fiction . My meetings with fan s fro m th e Dutch fa n club were also a revelation to me. At first, I couldn't believe I was doing this: traveling t o th e Netherland s t o mee t a bunch o f stranger s I onl y corresponded wit h throug h e-mail . I hav e alway s bee n thi s silent, introverted person but being shy somehow wasn't an issue there. Immediately, I felt right at home. I managed to organize a small get-together of my own with some Belgian fans, and in the last years of the show was lucky enough to attend the real mean deal, the "Starfury: Chariot s o f War" conventions i n England. I gathered m y courag e to tal k t o th e actresse s and actors , wh o were all very friendly and willing to share. There are too many magnificent memories to sum up: encouraging words from Tim; e-mail from Adrienne; kisses from Claire and Ted; and meeting Bruce, Bob, Paris, and Greg. The enlightening wisdom of Hudson especially touched me deeply. Hudson is a unique an d generou s person, wh o ha s th e gif t t o hea l people .

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When she looks at you, it's like her eyes see straight into the depths of you r ver y soul. Fo r ever y single fan sh e has th e exac t righ t words and she gives precisely what that person needs on the spot. It's only now I realize what she and countless others involved in the show have given me: "A light of my own." But I won't get too lyrical on you. The whole Xena sheban g means the world to me because it helps me through tha t craz y thing called life an d ha s changed me in various ways. Therefore I want to say a sweet thank you to everyone involved in this legendary experience.

J€enst is Art BY PAULINA SANCHEZ VAZQUEZ

Books and wise men sa y that ar t ca n be defined a s the expression of our soul' s emotions; it may be perceived as useless and unnecessary, but i t touche s th e hear t an d nurture s th e soul . Those wh o enjo y every single moment befor e i t turns int o a memory believe that life is actually a dream and we turn it into art fo r i t t o b e remembered . Fan s an d follower s o f X:WP learned tha t th e sho w i s a combinatio n o f al l form s o f ar t because it represents our spirit' s love for life. Xena i s like a painting where the shades of colors represent our day s of happiness and sadness. The thoughts an d feeling s of the painters became a part of us as we stared for hours at the achievements o f their dedicatio n an d har d work . Amazingly, the character s o f the paintin g smile d a t us an d invite d u s t o smile back at them eve n if they couldn't kno w we were doing so. Their expression s were so real that n o words were needed when the images would say it all.

SO

wj&T®HtM® JCHHIA

Xena i s like music that enlivens our spirit when the rhyth m invites us to dance, just as the character s did in so many comedy episodes that made us laugh for hours. At times, they were lugubrious tone s tha t mad e u s cr y and suffe r alongsid e Xena and Gabrielle . I n man y others , drum s an d wa r crie s woul d echo as we fought alongsid e our heroine s in battles. Xena i s like a novel . . . the longes t on e eve r written; th e work of many authors wh o made us part o f the univers e they all belonged to; a universe that stayed alive because of the light of lov e tha t th e tw o mai n character s shared ; th e one s w e admired and with whom we could identify . But it was the ending of this story that tore our souls apart. Darkness reigned on the canva s as we wrote poems of despair trying t o fin d a n explanatio n fo r th e injustic e tha t a forc e greater tha n lov e ha d brough t death , turnin g ou r symphon y into the chan t o f death. Perhaps this was an episode where no music or sounds were needed because silence would tell us that even the greatest love of all couldn't avoi d the destructio n tha t comes with time; although in eternity, the bond is unbreakable. It was then that we learned the ending of this novel couldn't take plac e i n history , but i n eternity , because th e word s tha t closed it s page s transcen d thei r meaning, an d fo r that , the y can't b e understood . That' s wh y it i s perfect work s of art lik e Xena that will live in the hearts of the world forever ... because the muses that inspired its creators have now become our own .

This submission had a bit of everything — conventions, watching the show, following your dreams — and throughout the editorial process it has

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XFJVA

hopped from one chapter to the next. It finally found a home here.

Following H/ly Dream BY MICHELLE ROSE PODD

Xena: Warrior Princess has ha d a real effect o n m y life. Sh e has been a rol e mode l fo r me . I neve r though t a television sho w could affec t m e so much. Xena mad e me laugh, cry, cheer, and feel goo d about myself . I witnessed a relationship betwee n two people wh o woul d d o anythin g fo r eac h other . Xen a an d Gabrielle were soul mates, and seeing thei r lov e fo r on e another give s me hop e tha t I will find my soul mate one day. During th e fift h seaso n i n February I attende d m y second Xena conventio n i n New York. I wen t o n th e Sunda y and ha d preferre d seating . I went with my father, who was liking Xena more . Th e guest s were Kevi n Smith , Daniell e Cormack (Ephiny) , an d Jennifer Sk y (Amarice) . I wa s excited t o se e Kevi n Smit h because I loved him s o much. H e wa s gorgeou s i n person . Always a fan favorite,

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Danielle Cormack salutes the

The fans wanted him to take

camera. (Photo by Ellen Filler)

his shirt off but he didn't. He

WATCH i NIG

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sang a little and talked about wanting to "get it on" with Xena. He was great. Danielle was fun, too, and she entertained us with her Jani s Joplin impression. Sh e talked abou t movin g to New York an d wa s very energetic. Jennifer Sk y was als o great , an d enthusiastically told us about her new show, Cleopatra 2525, At thi s tim e I was completely involve d i n Xena fandom . I was part of the fan club, and subscribed to the Xena magazine. I taped everything with Lucy in it because I was always excited to se e her o n talk shows. And then sh e said it. On on e of the talk shows she announced tha t the sixth seaso n would proba bly be the last. I held out hope . The season began, and I loved the first two episodes, and then I read online that the sixth was, indeed, th e show' s las t year . I was heartbroken. I ha d alway s used Xena t o chee r m e u p an d mak e m e fee l goo d abou t myself. I know I have reruns but I can no longer anticipate new adventures fo r Xen a an d Gabrielle . I t wa s lik e losin g tw o friends. I don't have a lot o f friends s o they were two friend s who visited me once a week, and I was losing them. I cried. I signed a seventh season petition. And when that didn't work, I decided that I would relish the remaining sixth year. Before th e sho w ende d I wante d t o fulfil l on e drea m o f mine: I wanted to see Lucy and Renee together on stage. I kept my eyes peeled for any mentions o f the upcoming convention , and then sure enough, it was announced they would be appearing on stage together in Pasadena! Now I had to get it past my parents. My mother was worried about me; after all , Pasadena was 3,000 miles away and sh e didn't want me going alone. She told me to get a job and save up my own money, but when I did she again expressed her concer n abou t somethin g happenin g to me.

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XEIUA

In the meantime I went to the convention in New York. I went on th e Saturda y this tim e becaus e the guest s were two o f my favorites: Kar l Urban an d th e amazin g Hudson Leick . I was so excited. After Luc y and Renee , Hudson wa s my favorite. I ha d read about how Hudson wowed audiences so I anticipated seeing her more. One of the highlights was the Xena trivia segment. My sister raised my hand because she knew what an expert I was. I felt so good on stage. I was so confident — few things make me confident — an d I kne w just about ever y answer . Kar l was great on stage. He did a Caesar impression an d talke d abou t upcoming projects. I just loved seeing him. The time came for Hudson. When she came out everyone's jaw jus t dropped . Sh e reall y wasn't wearin g much , i t wa s a skimp y outfit . Sh e reall y amazed us. She gave out flow ers an d thre w som e candy , which I caught. She did yoga. I got the mos t picture s of her. I was prett y clos e wit h m y preferred seats . Everyone kept asking he r t o d o he r Callist o Hudson Leick performs scream and so she put down the legendary Callisto the microphone an d let e r rip. r scream for the Pasadena Boy could she scream. She 2001 audience. (Photo by Ellen Filler) reall y puts o n a grea t show . I

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went up fo r autographs . Hudson sai d how beautiful I was and asked if I had a boyfriend, and said she wanted me to meet one of her guy friends. She made me feel so good, and I will always be thankful for that. When the convention was over I knew now more than ever that I wanted to go to Pasadena. That's when my father stepped in and agreed to go with me. We told my family I won the tickets, an d w e bought ticket s fo r Saturda y and Sunday . On th e Saturday I bought so many photos. I enjoyed seeing practically every guest star from the show on stage. It was great watching the lates t Xena episode , "The Las t o f the Centaurs, " cheerin g and laughing alon g with th e audience. It was great, but noth ing compared t o Sunday . That mornin g I met Te d Raimi at a restaurant. He was so nice and I got a picture with him. At the convention I got to see the Xena guest s at the charity breakfast leaving. The best was Hudson. We had ou r camera s ready for her exit , and sh e came out o f the roo m an d with he r tongu e out ra n straigh t to m y father. H e was so surprised he misse d the picture . We would se e her agai n though, becaus e we had autograph passes for her. I wished her a happy birthday when I got her autograph . She stayed for pictures and I got my picture with her again. It was soon time for Lucy and Renee. We saw a six-year retrospective that was amazing. Then there was a video dedication to Lucy and Renee. My stomach was hurting; I couldn't believe I was there and that I was about to see Lucy and Renee. Renee was introduced first, and came out to a standing ovation. She then started to sing "Last Dance" when Lucy suddenly joined her o n stage, singing along. I jumped up and didn't stop clapping for a long time. The best part was the interaction between the two of

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A pregnant-and-juststarting-to-show Renee O'Connor belts out "Last Dance" with Lucy Lawless, to the delight of the Pasadena 2OO1 audience. (Photo by Amy J. Putnam)

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them. They seemed so close. I almost crie d becaus e o f ho w happy I was. At the en d the y sang "Last Dance" again. Then all the stars came on stage. My only regre t wa s tha t I didn' t meet Lucy. I want to meet her so badly and tell her what Xena has meant to me. I was smiling all th e wa y home . Pasaden a was on e o f th e bes t experi ences of my life . Xena ha s change d m y life . Watching her makes me more confident, makes me not want to be scared to try new things. That's on e o f th e bi g reasons Pasadena was so special. That was the first real dream I made come true, an d I earned it by paying fo r it . I go t tw o rol e models i n Luc y an d Renee . Hudson telling me I was beautiful di d wonder s fo r m y self-esteem becaus e a guy had hurt me just before that . Also the lesson s tha t Xena taugh t influenced me . The sho w was about forgiveness , love , an d how peopl e coul d change . I t

WATCHING JCJEMA

taught tha t you coul d chang e your lif e fo r the better . There is nothing you could d o about th e past , you could jus t wor k t o make the future better. You have to forgive people and let go of the hatred. There is no good that could come of revenge. There has to be a way to stop hatred and that's through love and forgiveness. Above all else the relationshi p between Xena and Gabrielle was so special. Xena wasn't looking for a partner, she just happened t o fin d he r i n th e leas t likel y place . The y wer e sou l mates. They would di e for eac h other . Seein g their lov e gives me hope that that kind of love exists in the world. The sho w ma y b e over , bu t th e message s are stil l i n m y heart. Thank you Lucy and Renee for bringing your characters to life and inspiring me .

M Tribute to M/sn'i'io

Her Battling Bard BY TIGGER WARRIOR PRINCE

"Oh no, no, no! I don't think I can handle this, " I thought t o myself a s I watched Xena: Warrior Princess for th e firs t time . "How could anyone stand this show?" I had watched Hercules: The Legendary Journeys fro m th e beginning , sinc e h e wa s merely a character in a series of made-for-TV movies. I loved watching Here, loved the action, the drama, and especially the mythology. But, I didn't think I could stand Xena; she was a bit too "cheesy" even for me. That is until one day when I was flipping channels an d happened upon th e episode, "Blind Faith. " After that I watched every chance I got.

S'J

JCEIMA

What dre w me to Xena afte r I had scorne d i t so harshly i n the beginning? Simply put, it was Gabrielle. More precisely, the friendship share d between Xena and Gabrielle . I saw a friend ship that coul d withstand anything , a bond stronge r than any other, and a love so deep nothing coul d penetrate its depths. I saw two people who loved each other so much each would turn her world upside down merely to see the othe r happy. To me, it did not matter whether these two were "just friends" or not . These two were soul mates. A concept that was very new to me at the time, but somethin g that I quickly discovered I yearned for mor e tha n anything i n the world. Xena and Gabrielle ha d their rough times and their not-so-rough time s but in the end there was always the love they shared. Sometimes that love was buried so deep it took nearly colossal efforts t o unearth it , but it was there. To see such a thing, especially on a television show, was amazing . A s I watche d thes e tw o i n thei r adventure s I found hope in the human race . After all , if this was an impor tant enough topic for writers and producers to base an entire television serie s on, then maybe , just maybe, there was still a spark of humanity left somewher e out there . As the years went on, I began down a path of self-discovery. I continue d t o watc h th e sho w no t onl y fo r th e relationshi p shared by Xena an d Gabrielle , but als o because of what these two women were showing me about myself. As I watched Xena start he r pat h o f redemptio n I realize d something . I realized Xena and I were far more alike than I would have ever liked to admit. I watched her try to make her life something that would make her and those she loved proud. I watched as she spent so many sleepless nights in the presence of her demons. I watched as she tried to atone for her past sins. I watched as she feared for

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•MATCH! JUG MEIWM

(Artwork by Patricia Parker)

those she loved, and tried with all she was worth to push the m out o f her lif e s o they would not b e hurt, and I realized something, I realized that wa s me. True, I didn't hav e the bloo d of thousands on my hands, but I was far from innocent .

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When thi s ne w understanding too k hol d i t als o brough t with it more comprehension. Not only was my past like Xena's, but I too, like Xena, was striving to become more like Gabrielle, I just hadn't realized it until then. Trying to look for the good in people, to see the joy in the small things, to act with a pure heart. And though this new knowledge scared me, I found solace in the fact that in my present I endeavored to become more like Gabrielle . I kne w tha t eve n i f I neve r mad e a complet e turnaround, a t least the effor t wa s being made. An effort that , at times, may seem Herculean in size, but if I have learned anything from Xena and Gabrielle it is that no fight worth fighting is easy. For nearly four an d a half years I faithfully watche d Xena and Gabrielle's life unfold. These two women were my anchors when m y worl d wa s crumblin g aroun d m y ears . Xen a an d Gabrielle were my friends when I was sure I had none left. And while the y save d me fro m th e loneliness , the y wer e als o m y escape from th e world around me . Though I was saddened to see the show end, I am also filled with hope and joy, for I know Xena and Gabriell e will always live on i n my heart, as well as the heart s o f many others. As long as we all band togethe r i n our lov e fo r thes e two wome n th e Xenavers e will never fad e away. As long a s we love them, Xena and Gabriell e will continue to exist for eternity.

This was one of the first submissions I got and I loved it. We tend to take for granted in North America that we get the best versions of the shows, and forget that in some countries the shows are dubbed

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badly, cut down to half the time, and censored. Or certain episodes are not shown at all.

i The /Icfvenfures of JCetia Ofimpia? BY MAMUELA

I wrote this only hours before the series finale was aired in the U.S.: it's an open letter t o al l Xenites to infor m them o f what we had to endure for years here in Italy. I'm no t sur e how many people kno w tha t we don't really watch Xena i n Italy . What w e have on televisio n ma y have its name an d log o in commo n wit h th e sho w that everyon e else knows, bu t littl e else . I kno w tha t ther e ar e othe r countrie s where Xena i s considered a children's sho w and censored , bu t not quit e like the way it is changed here. Did you know, for starters, that the mai n character s of the show her e ar e no t calle d Xen a an d Gabrielle , but Xen a an d Olimpia? An d thei r bumblin g frien d Joxe r is known a s thei r bumbling frien d Corilo ? And th e evi l shamaness Alti is called Antinea? All names, except a few (like Callisto, Draco, Lao Ma, and a few others) have been changed, for no reason at all. In my country, Cyane and Melos a have the sam e name. So do Borias and Maphias . Minya's name change s from one episod e t o th e next. I n "Sin s o f th e Past, " it wa s Ares who taugh t Xen a her famous pinch, though of course when "Destiny" was shown we found ou t i t wa s actuall y M'Lila . I n "Adventure s i n th e Si n Trade," Xena says she is pregnant, not tha t she was pregnant. The translating an d dubbin g tea m ha s been instructe d t o eliminate all references to subtext. Every "I love you" has been

ei

XEIVA

turned int o a milde r expressio n meaning , " I lov e yo u a s a friend." As a translator mysel f (I translate television show s — the mos t important bein g Dark Angel and Buffy — so I know what's behin d th e translatin g an d adaptin g process ) I thin k most of these changes are totally unjustified. It might be "just" a television show , but i t is still a work of art. If it was written this way , wh y chang e it ? I f Xena' s companio n i s calle d Gabrielle, why call her Olimpia? If the writers want to play on the subtext, why pretend it's not there? What right do they have to deliberately change the names and the plotlines? Then there' s the censorship. I don't think ours i s the onl y country where sometimes — more often than not — a few seconds of the show are cut because they're too "violent" or so the show can fit into the hour-long time slot (which includes tons of commercials , which a t times star t righ t i n the middl e o f a scene!) but maybe it's the only country that has removed entire episodes, o r ha s show n the m belatedly , compared t o wher e they should've been placed i n the continuit y o f the show . "Is There a Doctor in the House?" was never shown until the end of the fourth season. Another season finale, "Deja Vu All Over Again," was announced twic e b y the networ k an d cancelle d both times, only to be shown at the end of the fifth season. Last, but definitel y not least , "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" was never broadcast, not even in the middle of the night, when children ar e not watching. "The Quest " was only shown onc e and th e las t time seaso n two was repeated, "A Necessary Evil" was skippe d a s well. And w e don't ge t uncut version s o f th e episodes at night, nor ar e they available on videotape or DVD . Here, Xena i s show n daily . I kno w tha t man y woul d b e delighted a t th e ide a o f having Xena o n televisio n ever y day,

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but thin k o f it this way: I followed season five both o n Italia n TV and on the German channel RTL . It began on September 17, 2000, in Germany and on March 26, 2001, in Italy. It ended on May 4 in Italy and on May 20 in Germany!! We lost 22 episodes of Xena i n a little ove r a month, an d wh o know s no w whe n we'll get more reruns or the new episodes. I wrote a petition tha t everyone on the Italian Xena mailin g list signe d and sen t i t to the networ k that broadcast s Xena i n Italy — ever y day for abou t a week. We asked them t o sho w season si x at night, with n o cu t scenes , or a t least t o ai r censored episodes in the afternoon and uncut versions of the same episodes a t night. We still hoped we' d be able to at least enjo y the las t 22 episodes o f Xena, since we could no t enjo y the 112 that came before, but th e reply we all got was quite discourag ing: "You r suggestio n ha s bee n forwarde d t o th e peopl e i n charge o f th e airin g schedul e an d th e networ k President. " A couple o f week s later, we go t a differen t repl y fro m anothe r address (th e origina l messag e wa s sen t t o fiv e differen t addresses, those of the channel, its Web site, customer service , and als o a general company address). This secon d repl y said, "Dear Viewer, we do not thin k tha t Xena i s a children's show ! We always valued the viewers' opinions and tried to apply their requests to our airing schedule. Right now, all we can say is that we are going over the possibilit y o f rerunning the episode s at night with our suppliers, though th e show may, in any case, go through auto-censorship. " Needles s to say , none o f us under stood wha t auto-censorin g meant. Doe s it mean they'l l make someone at RenPic choose what to cut so that the y are censoring themselves? The bit abou t discussin g wit h thei r supplier s probably meant that, seeing as when buying a product they are

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allowed a limited numbe r o f reruns, they really don't want to waste a whole batch of them on a late-night timeslot. Let me clarify that Xena is not the only show that had to go through this , becaus e there wer e quit e a fe w problems wit h Buffy too (especiall y whe n th e remova l o f th e episod e o f Willow and Tara's coming out generated a huge protest, which was picked u p by the biggest selling newspaper in Italy) , and even The X-Files in its first two seasons was shown without following the original sequence of the episodes. So I just would like to say to all Xenites, who are reasonably sad because of our favorit e show's departure, that at least they got to se e six years of Xena th e wa y its creato r and produce r and cast and everyone who worked on it wanted it to be. We'll never have that privilege.

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* ^/-mi -I "f^P* fsTjT^T -i—i r^ w Ar-p* Vrn -i^^" v

One of the best aspects of Xena conventions is the number of people who dress up as characters from the show. Of course there are more Xenas than any other character, but it's always fun to see just

how

good the

homemade

"cozzies" are, how the people who dress up begin to take on the characters of those they're trying to portray, and the ingenuity of some of the outfits. 1 receive so many stories from look-alikes and people who

dressed up as Xena and

Gabrielle that I just had to give them their own section.

Deb Abbott is probably the Xena look-alike that people recognize before any other. She's a fixture at the big Xena conventions, and at the Pasadena convention showed up with a different Xena look every day; each one more elaborate than the one before it.

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World Wide Deb BY DEBORAH ABBOTT HTTP://DEBB.HOME.

TEXAS.NET

I don' t watc h televisio n ver y ofte n bu t o n occasio n I woul d watch Hercules, starrin g Kevi n Sorbo . Durin g on e o f th e Hercules episodes, a commercial appeared of a beautiful dark haired woman dressed in an armored leather dress and it was at that very moment that I became a Xena fan. I will never forget that first image of Lucy Lawless riding a horse o n a sandy beach with a sword at her side. I quickly wrote down the premiere date and pasted it to my television set to remind me not to miss the first episode of Xena: Warrior Princess. I had no idea at the time that one show would enhance my life and bring me such overwhelming joy. It was a thrill to see a lively new character such as Xena not only light up our television's screen s but als o light up my life. She is a woman o f courage and strength , no t t o mention she has a personality filled with spitfire and zest. I was caught in a gap in time where every day was just the same . I would wake up, go to work, go to the gym, go home, go to sleep, and star t the da y all over again. Watching Xena gav e my lif e colo r an d excitement. I would watch an episode of Xena and leave feeling like I could achieve anything as she did. I give a lot of credit to the talente d Luc y Lawless fo r he r believabl e actin g abilit y t o allow us to feel what she is feeling as the characte r of Xena. My life reall y changed, however, around th e premier e of th e second episode of Xena. People at work started to tell me I looked like Xena. I did not se e the resemblance but I was ecstatic that I was paid such nice compliments and accepted them with honor.

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"YOU'REHER*YOU??"

"I've got you now, Xena!" Claire Stansfield goofs around with Deb Abbott. (Photo courtesy Deb Abbott)

Halloween was rolling around th e corner and every year it was a tradition o f mine to make a new costume, s o I chose to make a Xena costume. I worked hard durin g al l of my work breaks and

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XENA

It's destiny . . . Karl Urban gets up close and personal with look-alike Deb Abbott. (Photo courtesy Deb Abbott)

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"YOU'RE MOT HER. MUE WOU??™

after hours . I sewed all of the leather by hand; it was quite a job and took three months to make. I was so excited about making it that I decided to test my outfit out before Halloween and wear it to a science fiction/fantasy convention calle d "World Con." I had no idea that my Xena costume would make such a fuss. As soon as I stepped out of my car I was mobbed and asked for autographs and to take pictures with people. The people in their cars would honk and yell out of their windows as I crossed the street. Because at the time no one had a Xena costume and not many people had Lucy's imag e memorized i n thei r minds , peopl e though t I was Lucy. This was the first time I ever came close to feeling like someone famous and I can say that I just opened my arms to it all. Once you taste the flavor of fame it is hard to let it go. While at the con I met two ladies who worked at a Creation booth sellin g everythin g you can imagin e fro m X:WP, fro m pictures t o coffe e mugs . The y wer e very impresse d wit h m y costume an d m y likeness and told m e I had to g o to the nex t Xena co n that was going to be in Valley Forge the weekend of October 5,1997 . As soon a s they told m e Hudso n an d Rene e would b e th e guest s o f th e Valle y Forge co n an d tha t Luc y would b e appearin g a s Rizz o in Grease! i n Ne w York a t th e same time, my heart leapt out and landed on the floor. My firs t Xena co n wa s unforgettable . Again I showe d u p dressed as Xena and agai n I was surrounded b y news cameras, photographers, and people wanting t o take pictures with me. I loved it all. But this time I met other people like me who were dressed i n costume s a s characters from th e show . One o f th e Gabrielles asked if I was entering the costum e contest. Believe me when I say I had no intentions o f entering the costume contest but decide d to enter that day after Hudso n Leic k called me

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Deb Abbott meets Renee O'Connor. (Photo courtesy Deb Abbott)

up o n stag e with her. Sh e coaxed me up by saying, "Gome o up here Xena, I won't bite," in her Callisto voice. Being on stage gave m e a n energeti c rus h tha t onl y a banshee i n hel l coul d identify with. After winning the contest alongsid e Kimmie Kat, one o f th e girl s dresse d a s Gabrielle , m y self-confidenc e boosted 11 0 percent. After th e con was over it was now time t head t o Ne w York and se e Lucy for the firs t time in person. I had butterflies in my stomach while walking from m y hotel to

7O

"YQU'HEMOTHER.WOU??™

the Eugen e theate r wher e Luc y Lawles s wa s appearin g o n Broadway. As I turned th e corne r camera s started t o sna p and people thought I was Lucy Even Lucy's security guard told me he was about to lecture me about walking around on the street unguarded. I wa s touche d an d al l o f a sudde n a hug e lim o appeared an d Luc y flew out an d gav e a fe w autographs an d then quickl y disappeare d throug h th e backstag e door. Befor e the pla y started ther e was a dance contest held on stag e and I decided t o enter . Th e flashe s starte d goin g of f an d the n I noticed som e of the actor s peering ou t fro m behin d th e cur tain, pointing a t me . I thought I would fain t fro m al l of th e attention. After th e show I met Lucy outside and she looked at me and turned to her bodyguard and asked if I was the woman all the actor s were saying looked like her. He said yes. She then took a picture with me and signed her Rizzo photo for me. She is such a beautiful woman. It made me even more honored t o think that I reminded peopl e of the Warrior Princess. This was only the beginning of many more Xena events that I attended. I think Lucy Lawless really gave life to that show, and as a result I don't think it will ever be forgotten. Just say the name Xena and almost everyone knows who you're talking about! And it was a show that change d th e wa y people thought, an d gav e them the courage to be themselves. It not only took us to another time an d anothe r world, but i t made us feel as if we were living beside Xena and Gabrielle . We felt their love, courage, and pain. We were there for them when they were sick, in love, in hell, in heaven, right up to the end. Even though the show's over, Xena's such a strong, mythic character that she and Gabrielle will live on inside of the hearts of their fans forever. The show impacted my life directly because it gave me the courage to overcome my fea r

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of the stag e and g o out i n fron t o f thousands o f people, and i t allowed me to meet many actors and producers of the show and best of all wonderful people from al l over the world who will be in my life forever. You can't ask for more than that.

Maidl M/larion, Meet Xena BY JO MARRIOTT AND CARLY BRAMWELL

Xena ha s really touched ou r live s in the sens e that i t has no t only brought u s together a s friends but shape d what has happened i n ou r lives . Many wonderful peopl e an d event s have come into our lives from being a part of the Xenaverse. Jo: Fo r me i t starte d whe n I was performing medieva l reenactments. Having done many years of swordfighting, I gained respect in the re-enactmen t worl d o f being well skilled with a sword. Not lon g afte r th e serie s started showin g on TV , many people and friends starte d making remarks about the similarities between Xen a and myself . As Nottingham's officia l Mai d Marion, I was making appearances all over Europe and Canada, and wa s being called Xena when I was in a medieval dress . I decided to sit down and watch Xena to see what all the fuss was about. It was so refreshing t o se e a strong femal e characte r as the main figure in a TV show, so much so I decided to make my own costume. From then o n I have been making appearances all over the U.K. as Xena, which is how I met my best friend . Carly: When I first came across Xena o n the TV it was so different t o see a female characte r that was portrayed as a strong

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No, you're not seeing things, that really is a look-alike,

and not Ms. Lawless. Jo Marriott (Xena) crosses swords with Carly Bramwell (Callisto). (Photo by Nigel Elcote, courtesy Jo Marriott)

Carly Bramwell, Jo Marriott, Musetta Vander, and Alexandra Tydings. (Photo by Dave Sumner, courtesy Jo Marriott)

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woman. He r characte r capture d m y imagination ; sh e wa s fighting fo r good but ha d a very dark side to her. I found the program ver y inspiring . Watchin g th e sho w ha s give n m e direction in what I wanted to do with my work as an aspiring actress and creative writer. I arranged to have a costume made, and got my first booking as Callisto, when I met Jo. From our first booking we have appeared at many Xena con ventions in the U.K. to much acclaim. As a Xena look-alike, Jo has been a finalist in the Madam e Tussaud's Celebrity Lookalike competition , appeare d a t man y look-alik e events , an d won the best look-alike competitio n run b y the Officia l Xena magazine. Throug h Xena w e hav e me t man y wonderfu l friends, whic h include som e of the actor s from th e show . We have developed a wonderful friendship with Ted Raimi, who is a lovely, down-to-earth guy, and we have found Hudson to be very spiritual and inspiring . During som e o f the fanc y dres s events w e have interacted wit h th e star s an d i t ha s give n us many wonderful memories. We have also gone on to perfor m Xena swordfightin g show s a t events , whic h hav e bee n wel l received. Xena ha s reall y brought a wonderful richness and variet y into our lives and many wonderful people whom we now call friends. We have a lot to thank the television series for, as none of these friends and opportunities would ever have come about if it hadn't been for Xena.

When Virginia and Lourdes Sanchez entered the Pasadena 2OO1 Xena costume contest as "pregnant

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go-go Xena and her body double," I was doubled over in laughter. They're a great example of how creative some of these costumes really are.

Send fffi £fi@ Ctones BY VIRGINIA, SANCHEZ AND LOURDES SANCHEZ

For being twins an d inseparabl e at that, we share and shar e a lot. We share ou r fascinatio n an d insatiabl e interes t i n Xena: Warrior Princess, the greates t TV show there is. We have never watched a sho w lik e w e d o wit h Xena. We began attendin g Hercules/Xenaconventions and met fellowXenafans. When we could not discuss our passion with our own family and friends , we found comfort and fel t righ t a t home wit h th e peopl e we met o n th e 'Ne t who share d ou r passion . To sum i t up, borrowing Xena' s words : "Xena is th e bes t thin g tha t eve r happened t o us . It gave our live s meaning an d joy. It will be a part o f us forever." Since we first discovered the show , we have had many Xena-ielatedadventures together, but th e best ones have been the conventions . In 1999, we attended the Hercules/Xena conventio n in Santa Monica. It was our first convention, so we didn't know what to expect. Th e auditoriu m wa s packed . Eve n th e line s t o th e women's restroom s an d snac k bars were so long. There were dealer's room s wher e Hercules/Xena merchandise wa s sold . Most of the people were wearing Xena sweatshirts and T-shirts. We were so excited we had butterflies in our stomachs . Claire Stansfield (Alti ) was so sweet as she answered ques tions fro m th e audience . Sh e was nothin g compare d t o th e "bag of bones" Alti. She looked lik e a supermodel standin g a t

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6'i". She's four inche s taller tha n Lucy . Afterwards, she stayed until th e las t perso n receive d he r autograph . Havin g n o reserved seats, we were the one s to g o last. We waited behin d the barrie r an d stoo d inche s awa y from Clair e and Karl . We took picture s o f Clair e fro m tim e t o tim e whe n w e had th e chance. She saw us and smiled at us. Every time she looked up, she looke d i n ou r directio n an d smiled . Finally , we got ou r chance to get her autograph. She's pretty and sexy in person. Having no reserved seats, we knew we couldn't se e Lucy up close so we decided to walk through the aisle as Lucy came out. We walked as close as we could g o so we could take a picture and jus t se e her u p close . We heard s o many , "Go bac k t o your seats, " an d "Tak e on e picture and go" from th e volunteers tha t i t wa s a littl e unsettling. Lucy cam e ou t wit h a bi g flower i n he r hair . Sh e an swered question s fro m th e interviewer and from the audience. She was a riot. She sang and o f course , screame d he r famous yell . She was s o sweet and ver y open. Sh e even said something i n German , bu t apologized because she needed Lucy Y Law/ess at thh mor e practice . On e questio n

Santa Monica convention in 1999. (Photo by Catherine M.

Wilson) sh

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was, "What Would Xena do

e were living in the '905? " To

"YOU'RE MO T HER, ARE WOU??™

this she answered, "Kill 'em all!" She staye d fo r a n hour . Eve n though w e wanted to be really close to the stage, we knew she was i n th e sam e roo m a s we were so we were on cloud nine nonetheless. I t wa s a n experi ence we'll never soon forget . In Ma y 2001 , th e "Big One" i n Pasaden a finall y arrived. W e ha d anticipate d this even t ever since Creatio n began selling tickets on July 4, 2000, when we missed out o n gold seating . W e ende d u p with preferred weekend seats, and fo r months w e would get excited just by thinking abou t the conventio n — th e stars , the events , th e friend s w e were goin g t o se e agai n an d those w e were goin g t o mee t for the first time, the fans, and Xena look-alikes (and twins) Virginia and Lourdes the merchandise . The firs t da y o f th e con - Sanchez, with Deb Abbott. (Photo courtesy Virginia and vention finall y cam e an d i t Lourdes Sanchez) was surreal . We arrive d earl y just i n tim e fo r th e registratio n an d shiny , silve r wristband s were placed aroun d ou r wrists . The door s opene d an d of f we went. After roamin g aroun d the dealers' rooms, we were quite

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disappointed becaus e no t al l o f th e merchandis e wa s Xenarelated. The lady in re d — Hudso n Leic k — grace d th e audienc e with her presence and was one of the con highlights. This was the first time we'd seen her on stage and she didn't disappoint. She wa s s o spunky , alive, awesome , mesmerizing, an d reall y captivating. She gave out a lot o f kisses (chocolate kisses) bu t we didn't get any because we were busy taking her pictures as she passed through the aisles. She even asked her mom and dad to come up on stage and her mom surprised us by singing, "We are th e parents , th e mighty , might y parents " t o th e tun e o f "Joxer The Mighty." The ruggedl y handsom e an d barefoo t Kar l Urba n cam e out and told the crowd that he got drunk the night before and got hi s toenail s painted . H e the n aske d tw o o f th e peopl e responsible fo r his behavior t o com e up o n stage . It was our Xena look-alik e friend , Debora h Abbott , an d he r frien d Kimmie Kat. Karl then kissed them an d gav e them posters of his ne w film , Th e Price O f Milk. H e als o hande d ou t som e posters t o the fans . The highligh t o f th e da y fo r u s wa s whe n w e spotte d Hudson Leic k being whiske d away . W e dashe d throug h a n entire row of empty seat s and w e couldn't decid e whether t o take a picture or ask for an autograph because everything was happening s o fas t s o w e ende d u p shakin g he r hands . I (Virginia) wa s holdin g he r lef t han d whil e I (Lourdes ) was holding he r righ t han d an d then sh e looked a t us as we said, "Hi," then sh e smiled and said , "Twins!" Then, we said, "Yes!" And then sh e had t o g o but befor e sh e left sh e flashed u s her sweetest smile ever.

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MRE W0U??™

The thir d an d fina l da y of the conventio n cam e an d w e didn't want it to end. We wore costumes tha t w e mad e ourselves. W e went a s "Pregnan t go-go Xena and her body double" W e attende d th e littl e gathering of Adrienne Wilkinson's fa n clu b a t th e Littl e Theater. Sh e sa w u s i n th e crowd an d sai d tha t w e looked great. The costum e contes t wa s great. All of the costumed fan s were so creative an d talented . The kid s wer e s o cut e an d adorable. Th e adult s wer e amazing. Th e Fur y wa s s o good. The Amazons with Xena and bab y Ev e looke d great , "Go-go pregnant Xena and her too. But the most magnificent body double." One of the most and remarkabl e costume d fa n ingenious costume ideas at the was Debora h Abbot t i n he r Pasadena convention. (Photo by Antony an d Cleopatr a outfi t Amy J. Putnam) (in chains with her own carpet and key) . Tsianina Joelson, Darien Takle (Gyrene) , and Ebonie Smith (M'Lila ) judge d th e event . We got a n 8 x 1 0 Xena an d Gabrielle pic as consolation prizes . Ebonie's mother late r took our picture. We enjoyed ourselve s during the three-da y event. It's what

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we expecte d an d more . I t wa s a delight t o mee t people with whom we exchange e-mails and those we talk to at the Poteidaia Scrolls (a t Tom' s site) , World Wid e Deb , an d Texaspupmee t groups. We have changed since the first time we have attended a Xena con , where we merely observed people. Now, we were like th e seasone d con-goer s exchangin g handshakes , hugs , kisses and smile s with friends (ol d and new). It was weird recognizing familia r face s lik e we'v e know n the m fo r ages . We enjoyed posing with people, having our pictures taken and having important people like Katherine Fugate approach us. It was like we were stars for a day. The only downside to the co n was that everyone knew it would be the last before the show ended. June 23, 2001, between 8 p.m. and 1 0 p.m. were the saddes t two hours of our lives. We could not believe that "The Powers That Be " who ha d brough t s o muc h jo y an d happines s t o countless fans would als o cause so much pain an d sorro w to the devote d an d loya l fan s o f th e show . We, among others , were deeply saddened by the way the series ended, specifically the death of Xena. We do believe that the way she died was the way of the warrior fo r that was the path she was on and thus the name, "Warrior Princess." However, her headless body riddled wit h arrow s was too disturbin g an d heartwrenchin g t o see. In th e end , we were left wit h a n overwhelmin g sense of loss, of tragedy, and of disbelief. Xena brok e our hearts . For non-Xena viewers , Xena: Warrior Princess is just a TV show, but like no other. X:WPhas a heart and soul and will be a part of us forever. It moved us. It made us laugh. It made us cry. It made us think and wonder. It made us react. We could never have the same passion for another TV show. We will keep it alive in our minds and hearts forever.

00

"YOU'REMOT HER,WQH??™

MT BY PHILIPPA

It starte d i n 199 7 at a convention i n Britain . As well a s "You look lik e Jadzi a Dax," which I ha d hear d already , somebod y told me , "Yo u look lik e Xena " for th e firs t time . I bough t a poster of Lucy in leather for my husband an d took to watching the sho w amusedl y an d privatel y callin g he r "sis" wit h grea t affection. A year later, I visited Crete with my husband an d two children. As well as visiting Mali and Knossos , we went u p t o th e Lassithi plateau to visit the cave, which is the legendary birthplace o f Zeus . We had a guide who gav e us the brief tou r i n gloriously fractured English, then he basically asked me if I was indeed her. I demurred graciousl y then thought , "Hey, I'm i n Greece, I'm i n the birthplace of Zeus. Okay, Fates, I give in!" So I came home and made the cozzie. A friend mad e a sword ou t of wood but everythin g else apart from the boots was the work of my own hands. Later that year a dear friend and I dressed up as Xena and Gabriell e for a convention an d w e were particularly thrilled t o get the prize for "Best Television Recreation." Since then , I've brought ou t "Xena " o n ove r 1 0 occasions, mostly at conventions or when touting for them. I've found two agents i n Londo n wh o hav e me o n thei r book s fo r look-alik e work. I've been to mos t of the U.K .Xenaconventions. Al l the stars have been unfailingly kind, but the biggest personal "thank you" goes to Kevin Smith, who had u s rolling in the aisles with his sense of humor and giving us a great cabaret despite suffer ing from jet-lag. His kind words later on New Zealand television about how friendly we had been meant a great deal.

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At Dionysia I took my two children along and we did traditional Xena, "When in Rome" Xena, and Junior Ares for which we got first prize! I can tell you, sewing all that black froggin g and bead work on the Ares waistcoat/jerkin took agesl So, it's as if the Fates (or whoever) are stirring things somewhat. I don't know what come s next, but I'll have fun finding out. And to Lucy particularly: thank you. You changed my life.

And now after all those Xenas, a Gabby! I've seen Wendy Woody dressed up as Gabrielle in person, and the resemblance is pretty remarkable. Life in the fleet Velvet Sfciirt BY WENDY WOODY

Like many other fans , this show changed my life in all sorts of ways: m y persona l views , figurin g thing s ou t abou t myself , meeting ne w friends , an d spendin g al l m y mone y o n Xena stuff. Unlik e mos t othe r fans , tha t experienc e als o include d dressing up as the Battling Bard of Poteidaia. My affai r wit h Xena bega n with catchin g bits o f episode s here and there until I finally watched my first full episode, "The Xena Scrolls. " I didn't mea n t o watc h th e whol e thing: I was trying to go to sleep and it was too loud, keeping me awake. I am so glad I didn't turn off the television. It was after watching "Destiny" that I knew this show was going to be a part of my life forever. The next thing I knew I was in New York watching Lucy Lawles s i n Grease! an d flyin g t o Sant a Monic a an d Pasadena, California, for Xena conventions . I went to m y first

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"YOU'RE MO T HER, ARE YOU??"

Wendy Woody with Deb Abbott (is it just me, or is Deb Abbott in this book more than Lucy?) (Photo courtesy Wendy

Woody)

two Xena conventions without really knowing anybody, just an anonymous Xenite among Xenites. If you've read enough of the stories in this book, no doub t you're ver y familiar with Miss y Good an d th e pups . Bein g a Texan, I became associated with the Texaspups, an offshoot o f the mai n pup group . We started gettin g together every weekend a t a local ba r t o watc h Xena episode s an d finall y I ha d people to spend my time with who shared my love of the show. Within that group, I got the chance to meet a fairly prominent S3

XEIUA

Xenite, Debora h Abbott , wh o i s a Luc y Lawles s look-alike . Little did I know what was in store for me. I was a shy Xenite, and rarel y said much in the group. But Deborah brought out my more daring side and by the time the Pasadena 2001 convention rolle d around, I was dressing up as Gabrielle to he r Xena. What a n experience ! I never imagined what it would be like to have so many people want to take my picture. O f course, on Sunda y when Debora h wor e the infa mous chain s costume , I becam e know n a s "Bot h o f You." Whenever someone would see us, after telling her how incredible sh e looked an d finally managing t o pul l their eye s away from her, they would look at me and say, "Both of you!" almost as an afterthought . I t was pretty funny , bu t I was having th e time of my life just being there. Everyone was so nice and I had been complimente d s o much tha t b y the tim e I entere d th e costume contest , I wasn't nervou s at all. I loved seeing all the stars and especially Lucy and Renee, but the best thing I'll take away with me from tha t conventio n i s the thrill o f dressing as Gabrielle and the fun I had with my friends and all the Xenites I met there. Deborah and I have dressed up a t a couple of Renaissance Festivals since the Pasadena Convention . I t is an amazing feel ing to walk through a n environment s o similar to the one on the sho w whil e i n costume . I reall y fee l lik e I' m Gabriell e spending the day with Xena in an ancient village. We get lots of picture request s there also . Everybody loves seeing Xena and Gabrielle! At DragonCon i n Atlanta, Georgia, we did a skit as Xena an d Gabriell e that wa s well received. We wanted to us e the skit to revise the ending o f "Friend i n Need." I think most people agreed that the Xena/Gabrielle kiss we added was their

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favorite moment! Onc e again, we ha d many , many request s for pictures . One thin g tha t i s ofte n mentioned t o m e an d tha t I agree with is how nice it is that the friendshi p betwee n Deborah an d mysel f reall y comes through. We're not just dressing up and pretending to be friends . We hav e a tru e friendship that is similar to the one betwee n Xen a an d Gabrielle an d eve n Luc y an d Renee in many ways. Our personalities reall y complemen t each othe r muc h lik e theirs . Both th e lifelon g friendshi p that has developed between us and the wonderful experiences Wendy as go-go I've ha d dressin g u p wit h Gabrielle. (Photo courtesy Deborah ar e by fa r th e high Wendy Woody) lights of my life with Xena. I alway s like d th e saying , "The sho w i s fa r bette r tha n an y sho w calle d Xena: Warrior Princess has a right t o be." At this point, I can't remember i f I said that o r i f I read it somewhere . I don't think peopl e who haven't watche d the sho w would ever believe it was as good as it was . I t change d m y televisio n viewin g habit s forever . No show even comes close. It changed quite a bit ove r the cours e

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of its run but I feel it had to. I know people complained about the changes saying that it just wasn't the same anymore but I think there would have been far more complaints had the show never tried t o chang e or grow . It became larger in scop e and tackled tougher themes and issues. Fans now have a very wide variety of episodes available — from the lighthearted, innocent early days to the darker, more mature episodes. There's something for everyone. I a m on e o f th e (som e would say ) misguided soul s wh o actually liked the series finale. I had ofte n though t that having Xena die in the finale would be a daring way to go and be a natural way for the series to end. I thought i t was in keeping with the flawed hero that she was. I wavered on that viewpoint many times before the end actually came, but I still think it was a good choice. I don't necessarily like the way it happened but I can live with it. I do feel for Gabrielle losing her soul mate but a s far as I'm concerned, Xena was right there with her on the boat at the end, whether in ghos t for m o r not. So in my mind, Gabrielle eventually figured out a way to get her back and joined her! So to sum up, this show was pure magic, one of those rare instances where everything comes togethe r perfectl y and just at the right time. Xena was the hero we never knew we needed until sh e arrived. She will be around fo r a long, long time, as will th e friendship s that forme d because o f he r an d al l th e good work don e in the nam e o f the show . And for that, this Gabrielle wannabe couldn't be happier.

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Xena: Warrior Princess will be remembered not only for the action, the strong female heroine, and the Greek mythology, but primarily for the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle. They were soul mates who would die for one another, fight for their love, and they really opened up the possibility of a new relationship on television. Their love and friendship inspired those who watched it, and the following stories are about people who found their own soul mates in the Xenaverse, and have found true happiness because of the show:

Fsfficfffftff Le»w& in ffie JCefisw@rs@ BY ELINA. LAHTI

Xena: Warrior Princess is my favorite serie s because it presents women a s really equal t o me n i n a relaxed historical fantas y atmosphere. The first episod e I saw was "Cradle o f Hope" an d I was immediately hooked. It was an accident that I saw it at all si

XEAfA

— I had thought the series was just another one of those beating-people-up-in-almost-no-clothes-at-all shows , a s I coul d call them, but I discovered there was more to it than that. For me, i t wa s an extremel y luck y accident, becaus e Xena intro duced me to the most important person in my life. It all started on a Finnish Xenite mailing list. I joined the list in th e beginnin g o f 1999 , an d I ca n remembe r readin g a n introductory messag e writte n b y someon e name d Jussi , though it didn't catch my attention then . Later we took part in the intriguing conversations, lik e about violence i n the series . A year later Jussi e-mailed me privately. I was starting up a Web page about warrior women an d had sent a message to the list asking which one s I shoul d include , an d Juss i offere d som e suggestions. We started e-mailin g back and fort h abou t Xena and othe r things, like our commo n interes t in horror books . Jussi asked me to rea d his newest fan fiction story that com bined Xena an d H. R Lovecraft's Cthulhu before he sent it to a Web site to be published. The people on the list started planning a Xena convention in Helsinki an d a s we both live d i n th e are a w e too joine d th e organizing committee. Ther e at the secon d meeting we finall y met fac e to face . It was a wonderful evening, we got along well and I liked him very much (h e later told me he liked me right away, too). The strangest thing we discovered about each other was that we had been in the same school for three years without knowing the othe r eve n existed. Jussi is four year s older than I am, which is probably why our paths had never crossed there. The convention wa s a great success and wel l worth al l the work. Afterwards Juss i and I became close friends, e-mailing , talking o n th e phon e often , and goin g togethe r t o movies . I

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knew he had warm feelings for me and was happy about that, but wa s also afraid o f losing the friendship . We began talking about anything , confessin g to eac h othe r very private things , and soon it became clear that we both shared the same feelings for eac h other. We got engaged one year after we confessed our mutual lov e t o eac h other . S o becaus e o f Xena: Warrior Princess, I found the love of my life.

Ah, another Missy fan. E.J. Rain submitted a story for the Trekkers book I had worked on before this one (she had written two scripts for ST:TNG and Voyagerj and this makes her two for two! I'll have to keep her in mind for any other books . . . Front JPtsjps to So&ii litotes BY E.J. RA.IM (PSEU.)

How ca n you sufficientl y than k someon e fo r allowin g you t o finally find the soul mate you've been searching for all your life ? I was a theater majo r an d love r o f Shakespeare and oper a who made the trek to New York after college . I worked on an d off Broadwa y and fo r severa l years as a persona l assistan t t o novelist Erica Jong. I got mugged, physically and emotionally , and mad e m y way back t o th e ol d homestea d an d bega n t o write, selling two stories that became episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation and Voyager, I discovere d Xena afte r seaso n on e (wit h "Th e Xena Scrolls"). Drawn by the tantalizin g promise o f subtext, I realized in one of those usually overrated epiphani c moments that

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I have always been searching for my Gabrielle. My best gay guy friend go t sick of hearing me rant o n abou t X:WP y especiall y after th e crue l deception o f the seaso n four premiere , which made us believe that the powers that be had actually killed off Gabrielle after all , even going so far a s to remov e ROC'S name from th e opening credits. I felt a s though I'd lost a dear frien d and wen t int o a genuin e grief-drive n dee p mournin g mod e just like Xena (which lasted only a week, of course, but a very, very long hard tearful week it was — and you can just imagine my reaction to the finale) . My friend Tim came to my rescue and made a special fivehour trip to my little hometown (wher e I had been marooned for th e pas t 1 0 years lookin g afte r m y elderl y semi-invali d mom) al l the way from NY C to buy me Web-TV. Yeah, what a guy. Virtually my onl y interes t sinc e I went onlin e ha s been Xena fa n fiction. The alt and iiber stories and novels are some of the most stirring and enjoyabl e things I'v e eve r read. And the qualit y of a good deal of the writin g has never ceased to amaze me. I found some of the majo r sites right awa y through searc h engines and a few Xena al t bulletin boards, and on one of these I left a trivia question about one of Lucy Lawless's appearances on anothe r televisio n serie s (Ra y Bradbury, my favorite write r since childhood). I received just one reply, but i t was a pivotal one, from a "pup" i n England, Jo, who kept e-mailing me an d urging m e t o rea d th e collecte d work s o f Meliss a Good , th e queen of the bards in her estimation. I got hooked at once and added rny name to the pack, not even thinking to look and see if there was anyone else in my home state. A few weeks later I did and, lo an d behold, the first thing I see when I check it out is

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someone els e liste d i n m y obscur e hometown . I cheekil y e mailed this person an d we immediately struck up a n ongoin g conversation that blossomed into friendship. It showed no signs of abating afte r a solid year of online communicatio n whe n we finally took the plunge, met, and the rest, as they say, is herstory. We were born in the same hospital out of town, went to the same junior college , and wer e both inducte d int o Ph i Thet a Kappa. My significant other was a Missy fan and pack member and had alread y read every word while I spent the better par t of tha t mos t enjoyabl e year catching u p readin g her gloriou s Xena an d Gabriell e (an d Da r an d Kerr y "iiber") tale s onlin e every night before going to sleep as I conversed with my honey. This wonderful woman eve n printed out al l of Missy's storie s for m e (sorry about al l those trees, Missy) and bound the m in substantial hardcover binders . Sh e is the bes t thin g tha t eve r happened to me, my source, my soul mate, my kindred spirit , my bes t friend , m y family . W e watche d Missy' s premier e episode of the sixth season together. "Coming Home, " indeed. Without m y love for this series and the online communit y I als o never would've foun d (throug h tha t sam e little-know n bulletin board ) m y Chicago pup friend , Sue , who suggeste d I write a little somethin g ( a spoof o f season five) which, to m y amazement, was chosen to be performed by the same actresses from the famed "Xena Live! " show (unfortunately, they've been too busy with real theater work to do it yet). I would not have struck u p a Xena-obsessed episode-by-episod e conversatio n with my friend an d co-editor Jo, which turned int o her brain storm fo r th e Xena e-zin e online magazin e we publish. Xena and Missy are responsible for bringing together so many couples, and for that I'l l always be thankful.

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I had two sets of friends send me stories in this format, with both of them writing their half of the story (see page 72) and I thought it was a very unique way of telling their story.

A Tale of Twro Muses BY LOIS KAY AND TONI

To nil: Xena? I just coul d no t ge t into thi s show . I watched Hercules an d saw the spin-of f shows with Xena , but I didn't believe in it. A woman taking out all those guys. I watched on and off the first season, but I wasn't sure what I thought of it. A local station had a Labor Day marathon of Xena. I caught some episodes I had not see n and found myself sitting dow n and really watching the show. That did it — I was hooked. The relationship betwee n Xena and Gabriell e was really beautiful. No matter how irritated they were with each other, they stayed together. The n cam e the episod e where Gabrielle' s daughter Hope kills Xena's son Solan. I just sat there and cried for them both. Then came "The Bitter Suite." I did not know of any TV show that tugged your emotions like this show. Needless to say, I never missed any episode of the show . I lived by the values it taught — all people are equal, workin g for th e greate r good , etc. Bu t the stor y o f two women wh o loved eac h othe r t o th e poin t the y would di e for the othe r one was new to me . Over th e si x years I have watched th e show, I have laughed, cried, yelled at the screen, encouraged them, an d have been amazed . I have also enjoyed the musi cals, the clownin g around , an d the genuin e joy these actor s have given me.

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Lois: It wa s a Thursday afternoo n an d afte r a hard da y of working a t th e hospita l I decide d I deserve d som e res t an d relaxation. I took care of other people all day long, now it was my turn ! I wa s leisurel y hanging o n th e couch , makin g A l Bundy look energeti c as I zapped away with m y remote con trol. Of course I ran int o al l those reruns that were either no t interesting o r jus t to o familiar . Getting bored, I pushe d th e button of the remote again. The TV obediently switched channels an d I sa t ey e t o ey e wit h a gorgeous , dark-haired , blue-eyed woman in a very . .. interesting outfit. "Lucy Lawless — that's a funny name, " I thought, snickering. Then this cute blond cam e into the picture, with an even more interesting piece of clothing. No male leading characters? Now I was interested. I watched "A Family Affair," laughe d a t Dahak's son , got annoyed by Joxer, and sa w two women wh o obviously were very hooked on each other. After tha t episode, I was hooked, too. And I simply had t o se e more of this. So I taped every episode after that one, which weren't all that many, because one of our friendl y Dutch broadcasting companies at one poin t decide d tha t Xena: Warrior Princess wasn't al l tha t hot. How little do they know! They never got further tha n th e third season , so I genuinely felt deprived . ai: I foun d th e Interne t sites , an d rea d th e fa n fiction . There are some excellent bards on the Internet . oni:

Lois: Luckily I still had the Internet. One day, when I was get-

ting bore d durin g on e o f my night shifts , I went t o a searc h engine an d type d "Xena. " What happene d afte r tha t change d my life: there were thousands of sites. I surfed and surfed and

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came acros s th e fa n fiction . I go t los t completel y an d spen t hours reading the most interesting stories from al l sorts of talented bards . Missy Good was one o f them an d I made it m y goal to read each and every one of them. That took a big chunk out o f my life, but I didn't care. After droolin g over all of her fan fictio n storie s I decided t o giv e the iibe r stories a chance. And I got hooked all over again. One day, after reading another great stor y (Minerva' s Perspectiv e series) I hesitantly decide d to giv e i t a g o myself. I ha d bee n writin g eve r sinc e I was a teenager, but never in English and I never dared to put myself "out there. " It was scary, but I decided to d o it anyway . What the heck; if I would make a fool of myself no one would know me anyway . Th e Interne t i s pretty anonymous . I wrot e Par t One o f "The Reef " and wit h sweat y palms an d a thunderin g heart sen t i t to Minerva . M y mouse curso r hovere d ove r th e Send button fo r a long time, but eventuall y I closed my eyes, took a breath an d clicked . Gone . Nothing I could d o about it now. Miraculously, my musings were posted. Then the e-mails came in, all so positive an d enthusiasti c I really had t o pinc h myself a few times to see if it was all real. Even my own mother wanted to read it. Now, that was a shock! Toni: I have always made it a habit t o e-mail a bard when I loved th e story . So one evenin g I was checking ou t th e ne w updates an d ther e wa s a ne w stor y calle d "Th e Reef. " I t sounded good, so I read it and I liked it. The bard had said she was Dutch an d English was not her first language. Something about her disclaimer just spoke to me and I e-mailed her. She e-mailed me back to ask what "LOL" meant. I had to laugh, but I answered her , and we continued to e-mail each other.

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L@fes On e o f the firs t e-mail s I received came fro m someon e named Toni . She was really nice in her comments , but use d an abbreviation I didn't know: "LOL." I had seen it a few times, bu t curiosity got the better of me, so I wrote her back asking about it. Patiently she explained its meaning to me and we kept writing. We hit it off from the first e-mail and soon the e-mails became longer and more personal. Until one day I had a wake-up call and realized I was in love. How did that happen? In love? Me? Without ever seeing her? Duh! But I was, my heart just opened up and, my gosh, I could feel with an intensity I had never known before. One thing led to another and we decided to call each other. I was so nervous, I drove myself insane that day . Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep , could hardly breath. (Well, luckily I managed to keep u p th e latte r one. ) Th e cal l wa s made an d I was toast! Totally gone . Head ove r heels! What a woman sh e was! The best thing that had ever happened to me. We shared a bond, a connection that boggles the human mind. But I stopped questioning tha t an d accepted it as the blessing it is. Soon after tha t sh e decided to come and pay me a visit, so soon she will and I just can't wait to just hug her senseless. And do othe r thing s a s well, of course . Like showin g her around . Holland ha s a lot of interesting sights, you know. Toni: Along the way, I found my soul mate. Lois is everything I was ever looking for, and I am so lucky to have her in my life. We have been very honest with each other, and I will be going to visit her soon. I looked forward to her arrival in the U.S. so we could star t our lif e together . Lois: I

have finally moved to the U.S. and a m so happy with

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Toni. I want a life with her. And the best thing is, she wants that as well. She is the one for me. The only one. Toni: I have Xena t o than k fo r this; had I not watche d the show, I would not have this wonderful person in my life now. I thank the creators, Lucy , Renee, and Rob for giving us this lesson in life and entertaining us at the same time. Lois: Looking back on those last few months I can only come to on e conclusion : it was Xena: Warrior Princess that brough t us together . So , thank yo u Luc y and Renee , thank yo u Ro b Tapert, thank you Missy, thank you Minerva, and thanks to all those othe r wonderful bards fo r inspiring m e to write. It has brought me the love of my life.

Paradise Found BY ILKNUR ERGUN

I ha d a n unusua l excus e t o ge t m y ver y ow n computer : I needed t o kno w more abou t Xena, an d th e Interne t wa s the only source. It had onl y been a few months sinc e I had begun watching Xena: Warrior Princess in my native country, Turkey. I had no idea how the show would affect me and how obsessed I was going to be with the series. But the most important thing I did not realiz e was how it was going to change my life. Finally, I got my brand ne w computer. Havin g been thirst y for informatio n ( I coul d no t fin d muc h abou t Xena o r Luc y Lawless i n Turkey) , I started browsing all the Web pages that were someho w related to Xena. I t wa s then tha t I discovered

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"Whoosh!" an incredible Web site about the show. I came across this cool chat software called "The Palace" that would allow me to chat with other fans . Being new to the world of the Interne t and no t knowin g muc h abou t computer s I di d no t wan t t o download suc h a large program, but I tried it anyway. I didn't think m y computer coul d downloa d it , but someho w i t did ! The next day, I started to run th e program. I had been hearing stories abou t onlin e friend s and/o r lover s al l aroun d th e Internet bu t I thought i t was just ridiculous. So , unlike som e people, I never meant to get involved with anyone. I really was not intereste d anyway . But then I met a man fro m acros s th e ocean. He later told me how he downloaded "The Palace" even though he didn't mean to. Could it have been a sign? We started out as really good friends. Soon, the Internet and our comput ers becam e nothin g mor e tha n som e kin d o f "persona l communication device " we used to talk to each other. As tim e wen t on , i t turne d ou t t o b e somethin g muc h deeper. We finall y figure d ou t tha t w e wer e mean t fo r eac h other, and that we were in love. It did not matter how far apart we were. Even our cultures and our age difference di d not mat ter. This time we were hooked on the computer not because of Xena (well , maybe part of it was Xena) bu t because of our love for eac h other , thank s to the show. We had to "work around " the clock to talk every single day. Could we be soul mates? The only way to find out was to meet in person. We finally got together i n the Unite d State s after s o muc h trouble; I can't even describe it here. But it was worth both the time an d struggle . I t wa s jus t lik e a drea m com e true ! Everything worked out great. We felt like we had been together for years . When the time came for me to go back home, I realegy &f &

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ized ho w much h e reall y meant t o me . And, although i t was time to leave, at least we knew something for sure now — that we belonged together . Now here I am in Tulsa, Oklahoma, with my one and onl y love — my soul mate — afte r a miserable year I had to spend without him . I kno w it' s wort h it , though . I a m her e an d I know how deepl y I fee l abou t him . Also, it make s me happ y that people can see our love too. Especially, when some people see us a s Xena and Gabrielle , I fee l honored . And , I'll always treasure this collage I have that was made spontaneously by a Xenite as we chatted. It is a montage of a picture of me and my love, an d a picture of Xena and Gabriell e tha t say s "Even in death, I'll never leave you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You gave my life meaning and joy. You'll be a part of me forever." I hope this lasts forever.

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Not only did people meet their life partners through Xena: Warrior Princess, but many new friendships were formed at Xenafests, conventions, online, and in person.

OpeningUp Through BY ERSKA JENSEN

I never thought that a simple television sho w could hav e any impact o n m y life, but Xena: Warrior Princess has changed m e in every way. The first time I watched X: WP was late one nigh t when i t wa s the onl y thin g o n an d I couldn' t sleep . Soon , I would regularl y watc h th e sho w an d eventuall y m y week s would b e scheduled aroun d it . Little did I know i t was slowly making me a happier, more daring, social person. I went t o m y first Xena conventio n i n Jul y 2000 an d fro m that point on I knew my life was going to be different. The people I met were so friendly and generous; it was refreshing and I loved being a part o f this phenomenon calle d the Xenaverse. I decided I wanted t o be more activel y involved and meet mor e people, so I started a X: WP Web site called "Alpha Female" with

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the hel p o f a fellow Xenite. A lot of time and energy was put into the site and I am proud of what I accomplished. I would spend endles s hour s o n th e computer tryin g t o mak e something ne w an d creativ e for my Web site. I later created the X:WP Fa n Suppor t peti tion tha t ha s bee n a hug e success. It felt great to be contributing t o the Xena fando m and getting positive responses from the fans . A majority of my time online wa s spen t a t th e Nutforum. I calle d thi s plac e The always flamboyant my home . Th e peopl e I me t and fun Alexandra Tydings. became m y friend s an d I (Photo by Amy J. Putnam) learned s o much fro m them . Without th e stron g onlin e presence of Xena fans , I would've been lost and probably would never have had an y of the opportunities I had. It is because of the fa n sites , messag e boards, an d th e fan s themselve s tha t I became so informed and even more interested i n the show. Pasadena Xena Con 200 1 was the adventure of a lifetime for me. Sure, more conventions will come and go, but Pasadena was something special. It was only because of someone else's extreme generosity and kindness that I was able to attend this convention (someone who worked on the show, but wanted their generosity

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to be known only between the two of us). I will always remember their dee d an d ho w the y change d m y life . Than k you . I fel t blessed to see all of my favorite actor s an d writers i n person, i t was a vibrant feeling to just be there. While at the Pasadena Con I "hosted" the Nutforum meeting and this gave me the opportu nity to meet some of those people I had known for almost a year online. When you mee t hundreds o f people an d a majority of them recogniz e your name, you know you must've don e something right. That's how I felt that entire weekend. I cherish every memory of every moment o f that weekend; it was a very magical and lively time to get together and make new friends. I had never met such generous, friendly, an d open-minde d people until I entere d th e Xenaverse . Being exposed t o suc h diversity an d bein g welcome d amon g the m wit h ope n arm s was a warm feeling. When I meet them, I am confronted with such strong , creative , intelligent , and witty peopl e an d it jus t blows my mind. The most amazing thing is that it's because of this show that all these different people can join together, have fun, an d help others in the nameofXena. Some said the show took over my life, some said I was wasting my time an d money, and some said it was just silly, but i n the end it was the best thing tha t happene d t o me. It took me on a path of personal growth and understanding; I even gained interest i n a new possible caree r path. I t opened doors for me that migh t never have been opened . One thing is for sure, I intend to continue o n with my love for th e sho w and liv e vicariously through X:WP memorabilia , conventions, messag e boards, an d fa n fiction . I a m honore d that I was a part o f the Xena phenomenon , an d when I grow old and frai l I will tell my family and friend s abou t what I did

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in m y younger day s an d th e perso n i t mad e m e today . I am always amazed at how such a show could entice such a huge fan base and do things that no other show has done before. Xena: Warrior Princess ha s change d televisio n foreve r an d it' s no t likely that I will ever find a show that will catch my eye or affec t me the wayX:WP did.

Okay, I have to come clean with this one. I first met Kim online when I was working on the other book, and when she answered my questionnaire plea we became immediate and close friends. She's one of my favorite people, even when she makes fun of how I "talk Canadian" or my spelling whenever I e-mail her. She's truly a dear friend. fCfficfrecf Spirits BY KIM R. KOLLER

I hat e lon g trips . I mean , I hat e th e ide a o f packin g fo r a n extended period of time, leaving my home and my cats, checking in and out o f airports and al l that nonsense . What has all that got to do with the show, Xena: Warrior Princess? In the summer of 1996, my world changed. A male friend of mine ha d tol d m e abou t thi s ne w show o n televisio n calle d Xena: Warrior Princess ( I had hear d a little bi t abou t i t fro m various articles written on the subject), but I had no interest in watching th e show . I though t i t wa s jus t anothe r Wonde r Woman wannabe, geared to teenage boys. I wanted no part of it. One Saturday afternoo n i n the late summe r o f 1996,1 was

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bored and channe l surfing . I came across the tail end o f "The Titans." I thought, "Hmmm . .. this is kinda cute, interesting , and goof y in a fun kind o f way..." and left i t at that. I made a half-hearted, menta l not e t o mysel f t o tr y t o catc h anothe r episode on the following Saturday. It was a repeat of "Is There a Doctor in the House?" and that is where I fell hook, line, and sinker in love with this show! My roommate at the time started to bring home information regarding the show from work (we didn't have a computer then) an d needles s t o say , I relishe d everythin g sh e brough t home! Most of it was from Whoosh!, which continues to be my favorite Web site. Soon her work provided her with a computer at hom e s o sh e coul d wor k fro m there . I , being completel y computer illiterate and having no interest in computers at the time, soon learned how to use the thing so I could do my own investigation o n th e subjec t of X:WP. I found other Web sites and the n I foun d th e cha t rooms , mailin g lists , an d learne d about buddy lists and IMs . My whole world opened up an d I started to meet all these wonderful people online also addicted to the show. I found out abou t th e first Xena conventio n t o be held in Burbank, California, in January 1997 and heard that Lucy herself wa s t o b e ther e a s well a s Hudso n Leick . While I kne w Renee O'Conno r woul d no t b e there , he r mother , Sandr a Wilson (affectionatel y know n amon g fan s a s MommaROC) was going to be and I was extremely thrilled t o meet her. But that meant I would have to travel — have I mentioned wha t I think about traveling? I decided to deal with my loathing and just go for it. I had a wonderful time, and i t was an opportu nity of a lifetime t o tal k to Luc y Lawless in person. My heart

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pounded an d I thought I was going to fain t standin g i n th e autograph line... thank the gods there was a wall there to hold me up! I said something lam e to he r like , "Love your show! " and when she looked up at me to thank me, I was so drawn to those bab y blue eye s an d tha t accent , I just abou t die d righ t there o n the spot . Thi s momen t wil l forever b e embedded i n my memory like it happened yesterday. I have continued to go to every annual convention i n California eve r since. Soon after, I moved out on my own and was without a computer. I though t I coul d handl e i t bu t soo n wen t int o withdrawal. I misse d wha t wa s going o n i n th e Xenaverse . I ended u p doin g something els e I thought I would neve r do. I bought myself a computer. One night I was on the list and saw that someon e i n Canad a was working on a project involving Xena. She sent out a questionnaire to all the mailing lists and I thought, wha t th e heck , I woul d participate . I soo n foun d myself talking via e-mail (and then soon learned about ICQ ) to my Canadian friend o n subjects other than the show. It turned out sh e was considerably younger than I am but w e found we had similar interests. We shared our lives, our families, and our mutual passion for cats. Through her e-mails and her writing, I found myself jokingly calling myself her #1 Fan. The summe r o f 200 0 wa s particularly devastatin g for m e because I lost my mother to a battle with cancer. My mom was my best frien d an d I couldn't imagine my world without her . My Canadian frien d graciousl y asked me i f I would be inter ested in going up to visit her and her new husband just to get away, relax , regroup , t o ge t m y thought s i n orde r afte r m y mom's passing. That meant traveling once again. I knew I had to do something to fight my depression an d my loneliness, so

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I onc e agai n got on the plane fo r that lon g five-hour trip u p north. I had neve r been out o f the United State s in my life so thought thi s woul d als o be a wonderful adventure fo r me . If you are not i n the Xenaverse, it is hard to explain the world of Xenites to other people. I mean, here I was about to take a very long trip to mee t someone face t o fac e fo r the very first time. All we knew of each other was through e-mail and a couple of phone call s here an d there . Th e very idea tha t someon e was inviting a virtual tota l strange r into thei r hom e fo r a week's stay just ble w m y mind. You just don' t d o tha t i n th e "Rea l World" . .. it sometime s isn' t safe . Goin g through Canadia n Customs, wearing my leather Xena jacket , I was asked by the customs lady what business I had in Canada. "Oh, just meeting some friends," I replied. "How long have you known them?" she asked. "I have never me t the m i n person befor e now," I told her. The loo k o n he r fac e wa s priceles s an d I a m surprise d sh e didn't send me right back to the States! My Canadian friend had offered t o pick me up at the airport n o matter the time, which turned out to be at 6 a.m.! I felt bad for getting her out of bed, but sh e didn't seem to mind at all. The morning ride from th e airport to her house was so beautiful, watching the sun come up in Toronto. Meeting her fac e to face, after thre e years of e-mail, was one of the best times in my life, considering the reason why I went there in the first place. Needless to say, the trip was just what I needed. To get away, see parts of Toronto, and to just chill out . . . literally! I liv e i n a very warm are a in th e U.S . and Ontario is cool and beautiful in the autumn . So, what does the show, Xena: Warrior Princess mean to me? It means friendship. None like I have ever had before. Because

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of this show, I don't mind traveling now. Because of this show, I have met man y people, face t o face , who I can now cal l my friends. Had I never found this show, I would not have a computer an d hence, not me t the people I know and love today. I would like to thank the powers that be for bringing X: WP int o my life and to thank my friend for all she has done for me over the years. I will always consider myself her #1 Fan!

Petra de Jong has been a part of the Xenaverse for as long as I can remember as the president of the Dutch Association of Herculeans and Xenites, and she keeps readers informed of events happening overseas. Traveling the World! with Xena BY PETRA DE JONG

In 19961 discovered a certain television show on a German network. Little did I know then that that show would bring me all over the world ... literally. It started out innocently enough at the end of 1996 with an invitation from a New York Xenite to drop by for dinner sometime. Thi s al l happene d i n th e Xena chatroo m tha t i s affectionately called The Pub, where I met many of my current friends. Afte r muc h hesitatio n an d lot s o f encouragement s from the NYC-base d Xenites (I had neve r left Europ e before) I decided to head for New York City, much to the chagrin of my parents who had just seen an episode o f Oprah i n which they were talking about people o n the Interne t wh o pretend t o be someone else and meetings in real life gone horribly wrong.

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In Apri l 199 7 I lef t fo r NY C for a week , a littl e nervou s (Oprah di d come up every now and then) but also determined to mak e something ou t o f it. I f they weren't ther e o r i f they weren't who they said they were I would just go to the yout h hostel and enjo y NYC on my own. Fortunately, everythin g was as the New Yorkers said it would be — maybe even better. It was like stepping into another world: from a place where no one knows the show to a place where everyone knows about the sho w an d wher e yo u ca n actuall y ge t merchandise . O f course I di d d o th e traditiona l tourist y thing s (th e Empir e State Buildin g and s o on ) bu t I als o di d som e o f th e "Xena tourist must-sees," like Meow Mix. When it was almost time to go back to Holland again we discovered that Lucy Lawless would be doing the musica l Grease! on Broadway in September. In addition, Renee would be doing a convention i n Valley Forge, a city close to Ne w York. So the New York Xenites convinced me to return to NYC in October, to join them for these events. Of course I couldn't say no .. . Back a t home , I chatte d with a Xenite from Sa n Antonio, Texas, online in The Pub. She invited m e to come over to he r place an y tim e I wante d to . Sinc e the fligh t t o Sa n Antoni o meant a stop-over in NYC I decided to combine the two and in October 199 7 I agai n lef t fo r th e Unite d States , this tim e fo r three weeks. Those were wild weeks with an overdose of Xena. New York City was the center of the Xenaverse for two months, with th e ru n o f Luc y in Grease!. It becam e eve n mor e s o i n October, with Rene e being in th e neighborhoo d a s well. It is hard t o describ e th e atmosphere . I t wa s like on e bi g party : Xena fando m was pretty new, everyone was excited, there were no ego s or politics yet, and i t was all fresh. Here we had Lucy ,

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Petra de Jong visits the set of Xena: Warrior Princess in New Zealand. (Photo courtesy Petra de Jong)

live, Renee, live, and lots and lots of partying fans, having traveled fro m al l ove r th e worl d t o joi n th e festivities . I t wa s a two-month long Xenafest of partying, watching Xena episodes, talking about Xena, and enjoying each other's company. The first week that I was in the U.S. I went to see Lucy in Grease!. The first weekend was spent i n Valley Forge, my first Xena convention , wit h a nervou s Rene e on stag e (and Lucy phoning i n fro m NYC) . The followin g wee k I wen t t o se e Grease! again, this time with Renee in the audience . The days

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in betwee n wer e fille d wit h sightseein g wit h fello w Xenite s (most of whom I had also met on the Internet), having dinners all over the city, and o f course visits to Meow Mix. At the end of the week I took off to San Antonio. Again, the person i n the chatroom was who she said she was. The week in San Antoni o wa s als o fille d wit h sightseeing , fu n stuff , an d meeting fello w fans. M y friend an d I als o wen t t o Austi n t o meet up with two Austin Xenites, for a dinner date with Sandra Wilson, a.k.a . MommaROC, at another Xenit e "must-see," the restaurant Threadgill's . That was an amazing experience . After thre e weeks it was back home again. The following year was a quiet one in comparison. N o special Xena event s going on a t the beginning o f the year, but i n June I was invited to the Texas Xenafest to which I got invited. This time I brought my sister along. My friend dropped m e off in Austin, where I would b e stayin g at yet another fan' s plac e from which we would depar t for Lubbock, where the Xenafes t would take place. The fes t wa s fun an d wa s again a chance t o see a lot of Internet friend s i n real life for the first time. In 1999 I finally had time to go to the "Big One" in January. Two other Dutc h fan s joine d m e an d w e made i t a vacation : not onl y Xena but als o the touristy stuf f i n Santa Monica/L.A. Again the convention weeken d was one big party, with the fan parties ofte n bein g mor e fu n tha n th e conventio n itself . I n August I got the travelin g bu g agai n an d decide d t o visit th e NYC Xenit e once again , to accompan y he r t o th e Cherr y Hil l convention (sinc e tw o o f m y favorit e gues t actor s woul d b e there — Claire Stansfield an d Jacqueline Kim). At the en d o f 1999 a friend o f mine asked me if I was interested i n goin g t o Ne w Zealand wit h her i n Februar y 2000 . I

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said yes of course. We spent a month i n New Zealand, traveling the island s an d doin g most o f the tourist things (fro m a trip to Milford Sound to going to a Maori village in Rotorua). My dream also came true there: I was allowed to visit the Xena set for a couple of hours. I saw them fil m a scene of "Antony and Cleopatra," ha d lunch on the set, shook hands with Lucy, Renee, Michael Hurst (wh o directe d th e episode) , and othe r people i n th e crew . I have a picture o f it; otherwise I would have assumed it had all been a dream. On the way back from New Zealand w e had a stopover i n Sydney, where we got a tour o f the tow n fro m a well-known Australian Xenite. We also joined the Xena float in the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. The float consisted of , again, fans from everywhere , dressed a s Amazons. There was a pregnan t Xena and a transvestite Conqueror. It was a blast. But in 20011 went to the con. Like everybody else I had to be there. It was just the weekend this time, due to work. The convention weekend was weird. The show was ending and it seemed as if everybody was saying goodbye. This would be the last one where everybody (cast and crew and fans) would be there. It was fun, an d seein g Lucy and Rene e on stag e togethe r (finally ) was definitely the highlight of the con. Looking back, it isn't hard fo r me to pic k a favorite Xena trip. Sure, I've been to New Zealand, I'v e been o n the set, I've visited th e beautifu l country , bu t i t didn' t compar e t o th e weeks i n Ne w York City , with Luc y in Grease! an d Rene e in Valley Forge. Everything was new, everything was fun, everybody was partying, celebrating al l the good of the Xenaverse. In Pasadena Luc y and Rene e said tha t bein g par t o f Xena wa s magic, and during those weeks, it definitely was.

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"Will You Welcome Please, the Stars of the Show..." Everyone dreams of walking up to someone they admire and being able to tell them how much their work means to them, and the following people have been able to do just that. From meeting the stars at conventions, to developing a correspondence, to receiving a surprising phone call, these fans have made that dream come true.

I've known Xena Torres for a few years now, and she never ceases to crack me up. She has interviewed several of the Xena stars, and I remember when she got this particular interview; she was floating on cloud nine for days. Forget Eve and Eden, Give Me Adrienne BY JULIE RUFFELL (A.K.A. XENA TORRES: WARRIOR WRITER)

Everyone ha s a celebrit y story . Thos e chanc e meeting s wit h someone we've seen on TV or in the movies. The story we tell our friends, family, and just about anyone else. "I bumped int o

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David Duchovny! " "Arnold Schwarzenegge r tossed a Plane t Hollywood ha t righ t t o me! " "I sa w Lucy Lawless an d Rene e O'Connor a t a convention! " They ar e usuall y simpl e storie s but, of course, they expand into huge tales when we tell them . Why do thes e chance meetings amaz e us so? It might no t even be an actor we watch, but we'l l stil l tell the story . When Hilary Swank came into the Starbucks I work at, we all noticed it and told people ho w nice she was when sh e complimente d her server on a perfect cappuccino . Well, I've got a whole bunch of those "little encounter" stories, since I am the president o f the Pacifi c Northwes t Onlin e Xena Fan Club. Being "Xena Torres" has granted me the chance to spea k wit h Bruc e Campbell , Rober t Trebor , Clair e Stansfield, an d Jerem y Roberts in private interviews. Three of these were conducted ove r the phone . Believ e me when I say there's nothin g like picking up your phone to find a Xena actor on the other end who is calling to speak with you! However, as cool and amazing as these interviews were, and though I keep in contact wit h mos t o f these actors, the inter view an d encounte r I wan t t o writ e abou t i s Adrienn e Wilkinson. Why ? Becaus e I want t o tal k abou t Adrienn e th e person, not the Xena actor . Adrienne played the fierce Livi a an d the n th e lovin g Eve, Xena's daughter in 1 0 episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess. Eve's addition to the show had the same impact o n the Xenaverse as Ted Raimi's Joxer. You either loved her o r you hated her. Whether you hated Eve or not isn' t reall y the point o f this write-up. This is about the relationship I share with the multitalented Adrienne, who can act, sing, and dance. She also writes and woul d like to direc t an d produc e a s well. I use the wor d

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"relationship" t o describ e my encounters with Adrienne because after numerou s e-mails , two phon e interviews , a n in person intervie w an d a brunch together , it' s no t a n encounter betwee n fa n an d star anymore . It' s Juli e an d Adrienne. For m y 20t h birthday, my friends go t m e ticket s t o the bi g Xena conventio n i n Pasadena. I wa s excite d no t just because I would se e Lucy and Renee , but becaus e there were severa l friend s goin g whom I would otherwis e no t Adrienne Wilkinson be able to meet. I got to finally (Photo by Ellen Filler) meet Mar k an d Kim , an d I was reunited wit h Jen, a friend who m I had previously met at the second Pacific Northwest XenaFest. It was a great thing t o be able to hang ou t with m y onlin e friends, bu t th e star s attending wer e a huge par t o f this con vention. Lucy Lawless is my idol and I was torn, because I knew this would be my only chance to see her, but I always said that if I couldn' t meet her, I didn't wan t t o se e her. I t wa s like a , "Close, bu t no t clos e enough " sor t o f thing . S o I ha d t o d o something that would be as amazing if I was to go. Adrienne and I had already completed an interview and she had agree d t o d o anothe r wit h me . I t too k m e abou t thre e

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months t o finally work up th e courag e to as k her, and I was worried the whole time that she would think I was some crazy fan, and would then block my e-mail address and never talk to me again. Nope. She said yes. Oh ... my... gods. We met on Saturday, May 5, at 10 a.m. at the hotel where she was staying, the Rit z Carlton. I was waiting in the lobby with my camera, my bag, and m y recorder, and just trying to look like I belonged there. I kept taking relaxing breaths, because I was trying to remain composed for when Adrienne entered the lobby. She entered wearin g hip-hugging blu e jeans, and a red, semi-sleeveless top . Whil e i n tha t Livi a costum e Adrienn e looks like someone not to be messed with, in person she looks like an incredibly nice woman who rescue s lost puppies. And that's prett y accurate ; Adrienne i s one o f th e nices t peopl e I have had the pleasure of meeting . When we sat down to conduc t th e interview , I kept losing my place with my questions, and then I would pause or blunder durin g the openin g o f the interview . I apologized for my mess-ups, an d Adrienn e replied , "He y that' s cool , yo u ca n edit." We both laughe d an d fro m tha t point on , I was completely at ease and the rest of the interview was much more like a friend telling another a really cool story. Adrienne didn't hold back at all, and was animated fo r every story, talking with he r hands, explainin g how the actor s di d certai n things , an d th e two of us were laughing th e entire time. I was then fortunat e to join Adrienne and he r fa n club in meeting a smal l grou p o f Adrienn e fan s fo r brunch . Thi s brunch amazed me, with Adrienne sitting at the table with her fans, eating with them and answering all their questions, just as animated an d entertainin g a s she was during ou r interview .

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After brunch , sh e signed autograph s fo r everyone , too k pic tures an d eve n performed everyone's favorite Ev e scene fro m "You Are There." She finally dismissed us with a hand wave and "Leave me" as Livia did to her men in "The Path of Vengeance." It was great. As w e were leaving, I walke d ove r to Adrienn e and said , "Ms. Wilkinson, I just want to thank you again for agreeing to meet with me today. This was fabulous." Adrienne then told me not to call her Ms. Wilkinson, but rather Adrienne. On Ma y 13, I calle d Adrienne at hom e an d w e continue d our interview. Though most of the questions revolved around actual moments on the show, my last question asked her if she and the othe r star s of Xena realize d the impact that the y had made on the world. Adrienne replied, "I'm stil l at this place where every time I go to a convention, I'm shocked people showed up to meet me. I know that my family's interested , but the fact that people I've never even met love it so much, that's somethin g that really is hard to comprehend. But on the other hand, absolutely, I see it everyday. I can think of at least thre e time s of f the top o f my head when I've had people tell me that th e show has stopped them from committin g suicide, which is such a huge, shocking thing to me. "I met someon e in New York about a month ag o who was just weeping, saying that she was a recovering addict and that' s how she saw Eve. She had the episodes on tape and she would watch those fo r inspiration becaus e if a character can change that completely , then a real person ca n too. It' s shockin g bu t you know that it's possible . "In some ways, it's overwhelming and it's hard to compre -

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hend tha t you could mean that much to people and that you had tha t muc h o f an effect , becaus e it's no t directly . The fac t that I'm helping you through the day, every day, and I've never even met you, that's a hard thin g to wrap your brain around . Each and every one of us that's on the show knows from othe r experiences, from the things in our lives that affected u s in that way. S o even if the sho w doesn't hav e the sam e impact for u s individually, we know things tha t do , so in that wa y you ca n have it make sense for you. It's just such an amazing thing." I the n thanke d Adrienn e fo r th e interview , t o whic h sh e said, "I will say again that you have one of the best interview s that we have on the site and we're so glad to have it. So thank you again for you taking the time as well." I hung up the phone, floating. Adrienne is such a warm and friendly person who just knows how to put you at ease, and she treats you like an equal. Like you're someon e she' s known fo r years. Our idol s mak e u s wan t t o reac h fo r somethin g more , though very few of us get the chance to be directly influenced. When you'r e wit h Adrienne , her energy , enthusiasm, excite ment, and spirit rub off on you. You're laughing, you're having fun an d you feel you can reach for anything and get it. As a 20year-old who dreams of creating and being executive producer of her own television show, I felt like Adrienne's zeal made me want to shoot for it even more (and hoping she'll be interested in th e rol e I wrote fo r her) . Adrienne help s yo u keep it rea l though, keeping in mind that things don't come right away, but in 10 years, who knows what will happen? This little stor y could never express the power of meeting with Adrienne or our continued contact , but trust me when I

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said i t i s th e bigges t influenc e ove r m y dreams . Than k yo u Adrienne. You inspire. And by the way, all hail the Bitch of Rome!

Of all the stories I received, this one was the most unique for the circumstances surrounding it. Becky Calvert is the Commander-in-Chief of the Nutbread Brigade, a loony online group who writes fan fiction stories involving themselves and their alter egos. Becky sent me this story of how she went onto the set of Xena: Warrior Princess, and because she was unwell at the time, asked me to go onto the Nutbread site to get her bio, which would fill in all the holes. But when it came time to actually edit the piece, the link wasn't working on the site. I contacted Becky's partner, Shirl Landon, who broke the news to me: Becky was sick again, and had just come out of a month-long coma. She was on a ventilator, so Shirl gave me the background to the story. The majority of it is Becky's writing, and we've just filled in any of the holes. We can't wait to see her face when she gets a copy of the book. We're all rooting for you, Becky. Too Sfa*fef»o>rti to Die BY BECKY CALVERT (WITH NIKKI STAFFORD AND SHIRL LAMDOM)

Wilclcis Beck y had bee n ill for a while, and ha d bee n i n an d out of the hospital several times due to a respiratory illness that

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the doctor s couldn' t diagnose . Lucy Lawless hear d abou t th e illness when sh e read a fan letter Beck y had sen t to her , an d called her several times to commiserate (when she was also suffering fro m he r ow n injuries ) an d t o wis h he r well . Becky's health increasingl y go t worse , an d sh e becam e s o il l sh e couldn't actually work any longer, and began to think she was going to die. Lucy called her again to cheer her up, and told her that she had to survive, because if she made it through the next bout of tests, she wanted her to come to New Zealand to meet with he r o n the set . That di d it : Becky found the strengt h t o pull through, and she headed off to New Zealand to meet with the cast and cre w ofXena: Warrior Princess. Becky: Fro m th e tim e I arrive d o n se t in Auckland o n a rather drear y day, and unti l i t was time t o go , the cre w could not hav e been more gracious. Renee was just a gem, and Lucy was a wonderful hostess and as fun-loving as everyone said she was. But she can switch to al l business in the blink of an eye. Lucy knew me the moment I walked onto the stage, and asked one o f the hand s i f they could get me some te a as she had a scene she was fixing to shoot. She told me she'd be with me in a few minutes. The crew all introduced themselves , and I was given a chai r directl y behin d th e director . Th e soundma n showed m e hi s equipment , tol d m e whic h scen e wa s being shot, and explained a few technical things to me. When Luc y finished he r scene , sh e cam e ove r an d reall y made me feel special — everyone did. It was almost like a role reversal! Here were all these important and creative artists who I was in awe of, and they were taking time to make me feel special. At one point Lucy even offered to let me sit in her chair, but

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I declined because if I broke it I woul d neve r hav e forgive n myself. Lucy then showe d m e around, w e mugged a bit fo r the camera and did the swordfight thin g ( I had on e heck of a hard time getting up on that table tha t Luc y just bounce d up on, and just as hard a time getting dow n — wit h Luc y encouraging me all the way, as well a s a coupl e o f th e se t builders giving me a boost). It was reall y quit e funny . The n we ended u p i n Lucy's trailer, which wa s a small camper, to get ou t o f th e rain , an d sh e offered m e a part of what little lunch sh e had. A few pieces of fruit, som e ra w veggie s — I would neve r hav e take n tha t Becky Calvert with Lucy poor child' s food , but i t als o Lawless on the set of Xena: said a lo t abou t m y siz e a s Warrior Princess. (Photo compared t o her s a s I lef t t o courtesy Becky Calvert) get a burger an d some chips . Lucy has an "old soul." She inherently knows how to make you comfortable and offer s som e very sage advice. I have even patterned certai n form s of women's therap y aroun d som e of the things Lucy has said and done as well as many of the things the show tried to relay: that we are all redeemable, we can over-

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come ou r past , that al l love — regardless o f form — is to b e protected an d cherished, that we can never stop striving to be the best we can be, that charity to those less fortunate is important for all of us, and that life must be lived. Regardless of what the finale showed, Xeria is alive and well in all of us, and as long as we keep striving to do our best, Xena will live forever for us all, and hopefully Lucy will know a little of what she meant t o so many of us HCNBS . I would give anything to meet her again and thank her for all the positive things she helped me find in myself and thank her for what I finally managed to do with my life. I feel I owe her a debt that I can never repay except by being the best person I can be

ALALALALA! Xena meets a worthy swordfighting opponent. (Photo courtesy Becky Calvert)

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and by trying to help those around m e in whatever way I can. I would also like to insert a big thanks to Rob Tapert, RJ. Stewart, and Sam Raimi for believing in the project and developing some thing that wil l have a following forever. It is a timeless piece of work an d th e people , employees , stars , an d costar s a t Pacifi c Renaissance will always hold a special place in my heart forever . They were truly a marvelous group and a well-oiled machine . Shirl: As a postscript, while Beck y was in New Zealand (sh e stayed for a year), she went back to work a s an X-ray technician, the sam e job sh e had to leave in the States . While there , she sa w that al l the chemical s use d i n developin g th e X-rays

Becky and Renee talk about their mutual home state of Texas while Lucy shows her lack of interest in the discussion. (Photo courtesy Becky Calvert)

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were shielded . The y tol d he r som e peopl e wer e sensitiv e t o them an d coul d become quite ill . Becky then kne w what her illness ha d been ! And finally , durin g thi s presen t respirator y crisis, the doctors are finally beginning to agree with her. But I know she's going to be fine; Lucy told her that she was way too stubborn t o die , regardless of what illness befalls her . Becky's favorite quot e fro m Luc y was "Stan d tall , wal k proud , an d laugh a lot!"

Pen Pals with a Producer BY B REND A ANDREWS

I have not had any encounters with the cast or crew, but I have had encounter s with th e producers . M y experience with th e show was largely a solitary one. I think around the second season a loca l newspape r reporte r di d a featur e articl e o n "Superheroes" shows , an d X:WP an d H:TLJ wer e th e mai n shows featured. The reporter was obviously a Xena fan and had had the good fortune of interviewing Lucy Lawless. I contacted him, expresse d ho w much I admire d th e sho w an d tha t I wanted to let the producers know how I felt. He sent me a press kit slide of Xena alon g with an address where I could find the information I desired. My bes t frien d sai d t o me , "Yo u are wastin g your time . Those peopl e don't hav e time t o rea d fan mail . S o don't get your hopes up for a reply." She actually said this out of concern for m e because I was physically disabled and had little energy to do anything. She hated to see me laboring over letters that would never be seen by the intended. I knew she was right, but

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the need to write overcame the foolishness of the matter . I wrot e m y firs t lette r t o R.J . Stewart, whose nam e I ha d seen as the writer of "Ulysses." I liked this episode in particular because when Xena was faced with th e choic e o f fulfilling he r personal need for romantic love , she sacrificed it . She did th e right thin g regardin g Ulysses and hi s wife . I le t Mr . Stewart know how much I appreciated this moral element of the character and show. In a letter to Steven L. Sears as the writer of "The Price," among other things I expressed how this episode had shown us the price of wa r (los s o f humanity) , an d ho w Xena' s change d attitud e toward th e "horde" ha d mad e m e examin e m y own life . I also wrote that the "Lost Mariner" had made me glad that I had chosen to "love" even though I may not have been loved in return . To Ro b Tapert , I wrot e ho w please d I wa s t o hav e Xena: Warrior Princess as part of my life, and that I had a strong sense that the people making this series were genuine an d kind . I had gotten the idea to include a self-addressed postcard in my letters for the convenience of their reply. However, I visualized th e letter s goin g int o a huge sinkhole , neve r t o b e see n again after the y left me , which gave me a sad feeling . About a week or s o later, I was amazed to receiv e my self addressed postcard bac k from R.J. Stewart. Both my friend and I could hardly believe our eyes. He wrote, "Dear Brenda, Thank you so much fo r the kind words about 'Ulysses.' I'm gla d you found i t meaningful an d hop e w e can keep up th e standard s you've gotten used to. Certainly, we'll do our best. " That same week I was amazed again to receive a letter fro m Rob Tapert's office , writte n b y his assistant Meliss a Blake. She thanked me for my letter, and among other things she said that

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CArtvvorfc courtesy Jeanette Atwood)

they valued my feedback on the show, and were pleased to have me a s a fan. I had poured myself more into the letter I wrote to Steven L. Sears. When a week passed and I hadn't heard from him , I thought I wouldn't. To my surprise, a few days later I received a package. It was from Mr . Sears. I opened i t with tremblin g hands t o fin d autographe d script s o f th e episode s I' d men -

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tioned i n my letter. He wrote on one script, "Brenda, your letter was the best rewar d fo r me! Thank you! " My friend cried and I soared inside. Finally, I ha d connecte d wit h th e sho w an d som e o f th e people wh o wer e makin g it . I t wa s incredibl y encouraging . While Xena continue d to enric h m y life with such wonderfu l stories, I wrote letters abou t i t to th e producers . I also wrote about my questions and concerns about the show. Steven Sears again amazed me by responding to my first letter wit h a questio n abou t a scen e fro m "Destiny " wit h a three-page explanation. I couldn't believe that I was discussing scenes an d logi c wit h a writer an d produce r o f a televisio n series. He also wrote that it was a pleasure to receive my letters. This was completely illuminating to me. I kept writing Mr. Sears and the other producers, knowing that I likel y would neve r hea r fro m the m again . As long a s Xena touche d my heart an d soul I had to write an d did . Mr. Sears continued t o elevat e my spirit by writing an occasional letter t o m y dozens. In my last letter to him whil e he was on the Xena staff , I expressed my concern abou t th e change s in the characters and the dark plunge the show had taken. In his five-page response to me in February 1999 he wrote, "your letters always have insights that amaz e me. Not just insights int o the show, but int o yourself, a rare ability for most." In closin g he added , "I d o appreciat e your letters . Eve n thoug h I a m a lousy pen pal, I know that what you write is straight from th e heart wit h n o malic e o r design . An d yo u don' t kno w ho w important that is." Though Mr . Sear s i s n o longe r wit h Xena-, I occasionall y write him a t Sheena as I believe in his work overall, and want

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to support it . I received a three-page letter from him with pho tos o f the Sheena star s no t lon g ago . B y then I hadn't hear d from him in over a year. He wrote in the opening of that letter, "FINALLY, I get to write to you. I know you may not believe this, but I have carried your letters around with me, back and forth fro m Lo s Angeles to Orlando, with the intent o f actually sitting down and answering them." I was thunderstruck to read that! It has always been a credit to Mr. Sears that he took time out of his extremely busy schedule to write me while at Xena. His doing s o certainly gave me a n intimate involvemen t with th e show o n a level I'd neve r imagine d possibl e fo r me . I t con firmed m y initia l belie f tha t th e peopl e makin g Xen a were genuine and kind. It is still a n unfulfilled dream t o mee t Mr . Sears, attend a convention, an d mee t som e o f the cas t fro m Xena. However, my scrapbook of correspondence consoles me.

Oh, Hudson. If you've never had the pleasure of seeing her live on stage, get a plane ticket to the next convention she's at. Her flirty, slinking performance is worth its weight in gold: Heavenly Hudson BY GODMIL

London, England, September 23 , 2000. It was my first time i n England, my first convention, an d the first time I saw the irrepressible Hudso n Leic k in the flesh. Mine was just one of the

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500 jaw s o n th e floo r a s Hudson mad e he r grand , i f laid back , entranc e t o th e stage, where she proceeded t o prowl fo r th e nex t five minutes before eve n approaching the microphone . Baskin g i n the glow of a hundred camera flashes, she eyed the audience in typica l Callisto-lik e fash ion, probabl y causin g mor e than a few people to pee their pants i n fear . And throug h i t all the sam e five words kep t running throug h m y head : "I'm goin g to meet her." A coupl e o f hour s late r I was in m y hotel room , makThe beautiful Hudson Leick gives the eye to a lucky ing last minute check s to m y member of the audience. hair, and trying desperately to (Photo by Ellen Filler) calm th e myria d o f brightl y colored butterflie s i n m y stomach, befor e joinin g th e dreade d autograp h line . I sa y "dreaded" because as anyone who's been in one knows, standing in an autograph line can be a life-changing moment i n its own right . Waitin g fo r hours i n a corridor, peopl e o n eithe r side stand in an eerie silence, frantically fidgeting and turnin g various colors as the end of the line approaches. I always wondered why sick bags were never handed ou t in these situations . As I got closer my stomach started to do backflips that would

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have made Xena jealous. I couldn't believ e it, just a few yards away was an actress whose incredible skill had m e in awe week after week. I can't imagine how many hours I've spent watching her in action. As I stood in line, I hoped beyond hope that she was as nice as I imagined, and that I wouldn't throw up on her. I steppe d into th e autograp h room , looke d up , and ther e she was. Hudson was seated behind the first table, and she was looking a t me . The nex t fe w moments took o n a wonderful dreamlike haze, but I'l l never forget them . As I stepped up t o the plate , Hudson' s friend , Chandra , mad e a nic e commen t about my hair (YES! All that time in front of the mirror hadn't been in vain). Releasing the death gri p I had on my 8 x lo's, I tentatively placed them on the table and quietly asked Hudson to sign them. But she didn't touch her pen; she just paused and looked a t me, then said , "Are you nervous?" Not expectin g to have t o deviat e fro m m y wel l rehearse d script , I wa s quit e proud tha t I manage d t o improvise , "Uh, kinda. " And the n came one of those moments you never forget: Hudson reached across the tabl e and hel d m y hand. The n i n th e softes t voic e (defying he r on-scree n persona ) sh e said, "Don't be nervous . I'm reall y gla d you came. " It' s har d t o explai n th e wav e that passed through me with those words, but it took me five hours to get the smile off my face. A coupl e o f day s later sittin g o n th e plan e home , I stil l couldn't stop thinking about that moment. Realistically speaking, I kno w sh e wasn't actuall y gla d tha t I came . I mean , I doubt sh e woul d hav e been cryin g herself t o slee p if I ha d never turned up. But that's beside the point. There had been a big lineu p behin d me , an d i t wa s abou t 2 0 minute s afte r Hudson's contrac t sai d sh e coul d leave . But sh e too k a few

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moments t o sa y something to m e that sh e knew would make me very happy. She didn't need to, she probably knew that she could have sat there just signing photos and smiling and everyone woul d hav e bee n satisfied . Bu t sh e wante d t o mak e i t special for people. The organizer of the con put i t best when, during the closing ceremony, he told us the story of the photo session . When they had run way over time, he had urged Hudson and the photographer t o jus t star t rushin g peopl e through . Bu t Hudso n refused. Sh e wanted t o gree t everyon e individually, an d tol d him, "If it isn't fun for the fans, then it isn't fun for rne." As I sat there on the plane, a tear came to my eye, as I realized I'd met a truly beautiful person .

I Love Lucy BY ROSE REIN DEL

My interest i n Luc y began when I saw her o n Hercules. I was captivated b y her at that time and I wanted to know all about Lucy an d Ne w Zealand, the beautifu l countr y where Lucy is from. When I first saw "Orphan of War" I was completely hooked . I a m a foste r chil d an d t o se e throug h Xena' s eye s ho w i t affected her to give up her son made me weep. In fact, there are so many episodes that have touched me that it would take too long to list them here. I have never been as taken with a show as I have with Xena. Through th e Internet I was able to learn more tha n I coul d eve r hav e discovere d withou t it . Th e Internet has opened up a world I never knew existed.

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I hear d tha t Luc y wa s goin g t o pla y Rizz o i n Grease! o n Broadway, and I went t o just about ever y performance. By this I don' t mea n I would atten d th e actua l play every day, some days I would stand outside hoping for a glimpse, and other s I would stay for half the show so I could get a good spot outside . After each performance Lucy would come out and greet everyone. As the musical's run continued, the crowd would get bigger and bigger every day, so to be able to see Lucy you needed to be right i n front o f the line. The worst part was Lucy's last day; I was depressed fo r a month after Lucy went home. Lucy appeared on as many talk shows as she possibly could and I was very fortunate to get into Live with Regis and Kathie Lee. One of the guests could no t mak e it that da y and so they showed a tape. While the tap e was going, Lucy came over to mingle with the audience. I saw a few people go up to her so I decided to make my way down. I had asked her if I could get a picture wit h he r an d sh e said i f she had th e time, absolutely . When the nex t brea k came people were having their pictures with Lucy and I was able to catch her eye. Lucy said she would come up to me and I was thrilled. The photo turned out great. When Xena was coming to an end, Lucy once again did the talk sho w circuit , an d sai d sh e wante d t o personall y than k everyone for watching. I was with three friends, an d althoug h we didn't get into Live, Lucy came out after the show and began waving. A lot o f peopl e bega n runnin g toward s he r an d sh e looked like she was being bombarded. I stayed back, and afte r Lucy signed a few autographs she got into her car. The three of us proceeded t o cros s the stree t whe n we saw the ca r and we waved to Lucy. To our astonishment , she lowered the car window and talked to us!

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Fan Rose Reindel gets her picture taken with Lucy Lawless. (Photo courtesy Rose Reindel)

Later that da y she was on Conan and this time we had tickets. Th e Fate s mus t hav e been smilin g upo n us , because we were seated i n the front row, right wher e Lucy could not mis s us. Lucy came out an d we could se e a look of recognition o n her fac e whe n sh e sa w us, and the n afte r th e sho w sh e came over to us and she gave me a hug! I apologized for the inciden t that mornin g a t Live an d sh e sai d sh e wa s use d t o i t an d thanked m e for my concern for her safety I have always admired Luc y as she played Xena but t o mee t Lucy in person is an experience I will never forget. She is kind, car-

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ing, an d ha s a presenc e tha t make s you fee l ver y comfortable around her. I will sorely miss the show but most of all I will miss seeing Lucy. I just hope that she makes more visits to New York. Till then I have my memories of this fascinating and talented lady.

Of all the stories in this book, this one was my personal favorite. It's a story of agony and suffering . . . and a phone call from the warrior princess herself: I Hung Up t»n Lucy Lawless BY ROO

Two shattered wrists , a fractured skull , a fractured sternum , one collapse d lung , splee n an d live r damage , a broken nose , and assorted bruises and contusions. This impressive catalog of injuries was punctuated by two full arrests on the trauma tabl e where my heart stoppe d fo r a total o f 44 seconds. You might wonder i f anythin g good , asid e fro m surviva l an d recovery , could com e o f this . You bet. Seventeen day s later, th e mos t astonishing thing that could happen to a Xena fan happened to me: I got a phone call from Luc y Lawless. It's a n unfortunat e fac t o f this stor y tha t I wa s not conscious to appreciat e how the pieces of this puzzle fit together with suc h exquisit e timing . I do know that I have, primarily, two friends to thank: my roommate, Kathy, and my then writ ing partne r an d goo d friend , Kevin , o r "Visitor " a s h e was known online at the time. Both "Vis" and myself were frequent posters on the old Universal Xena Netforum, the Mother of All Xena Messag e Boards.

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In October of 1996, the Netforum was buzzing with news of Lucy Lawless's imminent appearanc e on the Tonight Show, with Jay Leno. I did not kno w it as I drove to a lunch appointmen t that afternoon, but Lucy had experienced a trauma of her own, having taken a nasty spil l of f an unfamilia r hors e outsid e th e Tonight Show studio. Had I not been rear-ended at 40 m.p.h. by a drun k driver , I woul d hav e no doub t bee n commiseratin g with my friends abou t Lucy' s hard luck in the Xena Hardcor e Nutball Pub and Chatroom, another popular onlin e haunt . As I lay unconscious i n a local hospital , my friend Kathy had taken it upon herself to contact m y immediate family , and having satisfie d tha t task , turned t o m y e-mail box — where she foun d copiou s email s fro m Visitor , who m sh e rightly assumed was a good friend. Long story short, she contacted Vis and he took it upon himself to deliver the tidings like a conscientious Pon y Express rider. Word of the acciden t hi t The Pub and th e NetForum , alread y abuz z wit h periodi c update s regarding Lucy's condition. Vis started a prayer chai n an d befor e h e knew it, or s o he says, my name was linked wit h Lucy's , mentioned i n e-mail s and include d i n Get Well cards to her. In the day s and weeks following m y accident while I remained blissfully unawar e of all th e pai n m y bod y wa s experiencing , my e-mai l bo x wa s flooded wit h get-wel l wishes , an d m y hom e mailbo x wa s equally inundated. M y friends an d famil y generously opened and catalogue d th e cards , letters, an d gift s — large and smal l — whic h i n man y case s had bee n sen t t o a strange r fro m strangers. Vis and Kath y talked periodically . I understan d fro m he r that sh e got his phone numbe r i n Canad a an d calle d hi m t o

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give him updates . At some point, about the second week after the accident , Vi s wa s contacte d b y a membe r o f th e Renaissance publicity machine who had been surfing the Web, perusing the Netforum o n a regular basis (something we fans had bee n tol d never happened), an d cam e acros s dozen s o f posts about Lucy — and me. These posts and cards made their way to Lucy, laid up in her own private agony, who, likely with Rob at her side, opened an d read these thousands o f Get Well cards. Occasionally, they would come across my name — my handle, "Roo" — and a seed was planted. I don't know who watered the seed, all I do know is that just a day or so later, this individual a t th e RenPic s publicit y departmen t contacte d Visitor, wh o contacte d Kath y fo r permissio n t o provid e RenPics with my home number. Late in October , Lucy was discharged from th e hospital to return to her apartment in Los Angeles. The Internet and television followe d he r ever y mov e — he r fan s at e u p ever y mention of her name, and we, and the world that had come to know her , wished her a speed y recovery. Coincidentally, the same da y Luc y was discharged , I wa s attemptin g t o mak e myself comfortable in my own bed at home. My friend Kathy , having doted on my every whim and move, prepared to go to the grocery store, leaving a glass of water and a small drugstore of pain killers on my night table, and the television remote and cordless phone within my reach. At 5:55 p.m. she pulled out of the drive . By 5:56 I was struggling t o ope n a childproof pre scription bottle with my wrists in casts. At 6:00 p.m., promptly, the phone rang. I picked it up, dropped it, fumbled with the Talk button and all bu t yelle d — O/z , God, why d o w e remember moments of

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wtter mortification with perfect clarity? — "Yes ! Hello? Who' s this?!" "Hullo . . . may I speak with Roo ? This is Lucy Lawless." I don't know. Maybe it was the narcotics, but I never questioned the authenticit y o f thos e 1 0 words. O f cours e i t wa s Luc y Lawless. Naturally . I wante d t o screa m with deligh t an d rol l into a ball simultaneously . I did neither. Instead, I informed the caller that she had the dubious hono r o f speaking to Ro o (bu t no t i n those words). Lucy led off with the charm , wit, an d sensitivit y that we fans had com e t o expec t o f her . Sh e inquire d o f m y health , m y injuries, my recovery, and I did likewise. I could hear her moving about the apartment, and she was kind enoug h to give me her honest , four-letter-wor d opinion o f physical therapy an d Stryker frames. As the conversatio n developed, and to the best of my lessthan-perfect memory, we compared pain medications, an d the "special effects " o f sai d pai n medications . W e pardoned on e another i n advance for any momentary lapses in judgment or good taste . Sh e asked abou t m y family and home , an d I was shameless i n m y interes t regardin g Daisy, Rob, and ho w sh e spent her fre e time , if such a thing existe d fo r her. She did say that Dais y woul d b e ove r i n a da y o r so , to enjo y he r firs t Halloween experience. I think the most tellin g thing I learned about Lucy came fairly early in the conversation : she said that what hur t he r mos t abou t he r injur y was its effec t o n thos e around her — everyone from her immediate famil y to the cast and crew ofXena — and that she had an overwhelming feeling that sh e had let them dow n personally. While a good percentage o f th e Xenavers e was concerne d abou t wha t th e fat e o f

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Xena: Warrior Princess might b e afte r Lucy' s accident, Lucy' s fears were for those behind the scenes. At the time, I remember thinking o f those fears as groundless. I couldn't agre e with her, but I certainly didn' t argu e he r righ t t o thos e feelings , and I appreciated her candor . Bedridden, m y eyes wandered wher e m y body coul d not . Talking wit h Luc y a s comfortabl y a s I ha d talke d wit h m y friend just a half an hour earlier , my eyes fell upon th e digita l clock o n th e dresser . Without a brai n i n m y head , I hear d myself say , "This must b e costin g yo u a fortune. I should le t you go. " There wa s stunne d silenc e o n th e othe r end , an d then , "Well, um ... yeah, I guess, if you need to go." Oh, I would love to say I heard regret in her voice, but the truth is, I don't thin k I was operating on all cylinders. I said something to the effec t of, "Thanks fo r calling. It's been a treat. Bye." Whereupon m y thumb mashed th e Tal k button — effectivel y hangin g u p o n Lucy Lawless. Idiot. It's okay. You can say it. I have often enough .

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It was Lucy who first referred to those diehard fans of X:WP as "hardcore nutballs," and Xenites lovingly adopted the term. This section includes stories from those who went above and beyond the normal Xena fan, starting up Web sites, Xena 'zines, and even getting the chance to become a writer on the show. From MaryD to Missy Good, these are the people whose names you'll recognize if you've ever ventured onto the online Xenaverse.

"And the ARGO Award for Most Villainous Turn Goes To..." BY DAVE PARRISH

Like so many other people, my experience with Xena: Warrior Princess has been life-altering. I t began rather innocuously i n 1996 when I started watching the summe r reruns of the show on a whim. The thing that struck me most at the time was how surprisingly high the level of production was. I could tell right away tha t th e costuming , casting , an d musi c scorin g wa s

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clearly a cut above most othe r television shows , let alone syndicated fare . Bu t ther e wa s somethin g intangibl y engagin g about th e sho w that I couldn' t quit e pu t m y finger o n unti l later that year, when the show began its second season. The episode "Remember Nothing" really resonated with me for a number o f reasons. The theme of the episode was intrinsically linke d wit h th e Fate s an d ho w everythin g reall y i s exactly a s i t shoul d b e ( a them e tha t woul d continuall y b e underscored throughou t th e series ' ru n an d emphaticall y stamped into the sixth season classic "When Fates Collide"). At the time "Remember Nothing" aired, I was in a really depressed state stemming from a recent breakup and general uncertainty about th e future. Tha t episod e pretty much let me know tha t everything was going to be okay again — all I needed to do was trust i n myself . Fro m tha t episod e on , I fel t indebte d t o th e show and tried t o think of ways to let the people who made it all happen kno w how much their message was appreciated. A few months later, I figured ou t a way to do that. I wa s shooting som e poo l an d kickin g back a pitche r o f brew with m y buddy Gen e Smolko a t Grady' s Pub i n Seattle one Sunda y afternoon in th e sprin g of 1997 when somethin g crazy happened. We were both indignant over how little industry recognition the show had gotten. It appeared that the major television awards shows were ignoring Xena altogether . So we bounced ideas off each other and hammered out a rough set of protocols based o n the idea o f celebrating al l the great thing s that the show presented each season to its viewers. At the end of the afternoon , the seed s of what would becom e known a s The ARG O Awards had bee n planted . The categories resemble d thos e you' d fin d o n mor e tradi -

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tional awards shows but wit h som e mino r tweaks . "Normal" categories lik e Bes t Episod e an d Bes t Performance s were wedged next to crazier ones like Best Fight Sequence and Most Villainous Turn. We figured that since those other shows never gave Xena an y award s fo r it s hig h leve l o f quality , someon e should an d wh o better to judge than th e fans ? S o every June, after eac h seaso n ende d it s firs t ru n i n th e U.S. , we put th e word ou t tha t ther e wa s a ballot boot h availabl e to g o an d make thei r picks . The voting proces s took abou t tw o weeks, and a week after th e poll s closed, we'd gather at the live ceremony hoste d a t th e WarriorPalac e a t Whoosh! . Eac h subsequent year (five so far), the process has gotten bigger and better. We've had special guests at the awards ceremonies fro m the sho w (Rober t Trebor, Claire Stansfield, an d "Whe n Fate s Collide" writer Katherin e Fugate) and collecte d ballot s fro m fans literally around the world. The ARG O Awards have far exceede d our expectation s a s a fan foru m to express appreciation for the show. One of the byproducts of the process that I'm particularly happy about is the creation o f a loose-knit cre w I affectionately cal l Team ARGO . These are fans that we've recruited a s presenters, Webmasters , and contributor s ove r th e year s an d they'v e sacrifice d their time an d resource s to help make the ARGO S a success. Ultimately, I think tha t thi s spiri t o f collaborative effor t i s the truest tribute to Xena. Fans of this show are always willing to go that extra mile for each other and for "the greater good." I don't know any other branch o f fandom that ca n equal the efforts o f Xena fan s in as far as charitable acts or in its spirit of compassion. It's excellent company to be in and I've never been more proud to be a part of something in my entire life.

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My Xena Tattoos BY TERRI HILL

I have made many friends throughou t th e Xenaverse . It is so comforting t o hav e someone t o tal k to wh o feel s a s passionately about Xena a s I do . I have a notebook fo r eac h season filled with pictures from eac h episode. My walls are plastered with Xena posters. I have a Xena license plate for my car. I have about 3 0 Xena dolls. An d o f cours e m y compute r ha s Xena wallpaper and screensavers . Xena will never die for me. And I suspect tha t i s the cas e for thousand s o f Xenites around th e world. But most importantly to me, I have my Xena tattoos. People wonde r wh y other peopl e ge t tattoos. I ge t the m because it is an expression o f art tha t I cannot express in any other way. It speaks about a stage of my life I want to cherish forever. The tattoos are a permanent memory of a special time in my life much the same way a picture is. The same man has done all of my Xena tattoos. I choose the picture and he designs it. At the moment I have 10, with more planned. Each one reminds me of something different abou t the show and the characters . Xena represents strength , courage , loyalty, and honor . Whe n I loo k a t he r fac e I a m reminded tha t w e all have inside us an inne r strength and courage that we sometimes don't tap into . I tr y t o remembe r thi s whe n I am plagued wit h doub t i n m y life' s choices . I believe we all have to be loyal to ourselves , to our life' s desire s and feelings . I too believe we dishonor ourselve s by not bein g tru e t o ou r

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emotions. Xena is very truthful about how she feels about things, even if it is painful at times. I think there is honor i n this. Gabrielle represent s love , friendship , adventure, and companionship . When I look at her I am reminded of the love we should all have fo r ou r neighbor . W e shoul d overloo k the difference s w e all possess. Her friendship and companionshi p wit h Xen a i s th e mos t precious thing to her. We should feel lucky to have someone that specia l in ou r live s as she does. Her adventures with Xena are inscribed i n her scrolls . I can't look at her without admiring th e sens e of adventure we all have but ar e afraid to explore. She chose adventure over fear. The old chakram for me represents the past. It is one of Xena's trustiest weapon s and i t bega n a s the chakra m o f th e dark . It encircles that bitter part of our past. It reminds me our past is part of what made us who we are. We can either be encircled by the dark side or the good. As Callisto once said, we are born with a good side and an evil side; it's up to us which side we nurture. The new chakram represents the present and the future. It is a product of the dark chakram an d the light chakra m bein g balanced. Lik e th e weapon , ou r live s are spli t int o tw o part s and have to be balanced to be complete . Gabrielle's staff represents for me the staff of life. It has many uses. I am reminded when I see it that we can't take anything at face value. There is always more to something than it seems. We should examine everything and look for it's meaning. Gabrielle's weapons — the sai s — remind m e we have the handles for our ow n fate . We control where the point s o f ou r

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lives diverge. We can be offensive t o others or use our qualitie s to defen d those that can' t defend themselve s such as animals, children, the elderly, underprivileged, an d the environment . I have two swords. One of them has blood dripping off the end of it. Both swords represent control . The way we wield our words can either protect an d hel p other s o r leave them shat tered and bleeding emotionally . The breast dagger (whic h I have placed o n m y breast) for me represent s what thi s sho w has done. I t has pierced many cultures an d nationalitie s an d lef t a permanent mark . I t has brought people together like I suspect no other show will ever do. It has pierced our hearts and will always remain there. The last item I have is Xena's whip. Xena uses it mainly to keep enemies and warlord s a t bay until sh e is ready with he r sword. We should use our judgment as our whip. Our judgmen t is what helps us make proper choices in life. It helps us ward off or keep at bay things and people that aren't good for us. This sho w has give n many people hours o f enjoyment . It has brough t u s togethe r i n uniso n abou t th e inhumanitie s some o f the peopl e i n thi s world suffer . W e have a commo n bond i n wha t w e fee l abou t th e sho w tha t brok e s o muc h unbroken ground . It started ou t a show but becam e a legend. Xena is an international ico n for women everywhere, no mat ter th e age , race, sexual preference, or marita l status . Sh e has shown that we have strength we didn't realize we had. She gave us courage to speak up for what we believe in. She empowered us to take that chance on love, friendship, and family . So you see, my tattoos are a reminder o f what I received from being a part o f this wonderful Xenaverse. For us Xena will never die. She will only grow stronger throughou t this century .

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When I was wor/c/ng on my first book, MaryD was so helpful to me, and she's also responsible for the beautiful montage that graced its cover.

Tfse Jfeit^irerse D®w« Utidter SV MARY D. BROOKS, A.K.A. MARYD

How ca n a sho w chang e your life ? I thin k we'v e al l heard o f Trekkies — the ultimate devoted fan s whom everyon e believes dress up in funny costumes and devote their lives to a TV show. I was one of those who scoffe d a t the idea of a television series having such a profound influenc e on one' s life . Goe s to sho w you that you shouldn't be so quick to judge others. My story begins in October 1996.1 was part of the Trek fandom, but ironically turned my nose up at the obsessed fandom. I was in i t because I enjoyed the show , in this case Star Trek: The Next Generation and the n Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. It was whil e I wa s involve d i n thes e show s tha t I me t a fe w friends wh o woul d influenc e m e furthe r dow n th e track . Around tha t tim e a ne w sho w wa s beginning calle d Xena: Warrior Princess. To say I laughe d a t i t woul d b e a n under statement. I ridicule d i t a s a Wonder Woman rehas h eve n before seein g any of it. A friend sen t me a couple o f episodes — "Titans" and "The Prodigal " — but the y didn't really grab my attention . The sho w ha d no t premiere d i n Australi a an d frankl y I didn't care. December 12,1996, rolled around and it was finally going to be shown on Aussie TV. A friend aske d me to tape the first episode because she hadn't caugh t it and she wanted it for her collection . Despit e m y reluctanc e t o se e the show , I sa t

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down an d se t the VCR . As funny as this sounds, Decembe r 12, 1996, was a turning point i n my life. I watche d "Sin s o f th e Past " an d wa s captivate d b y th e strong female action hero. I was a big Major Kir a fan from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine an d th e ide a that a woman coul d beat men withou t th e ai d of a male sidekick or her being the side kick really made me sit up and take notice. Tha t nigh t I went online to find other likeminded soul s and I stumbled ont o the Xenaverse. This smal l fando m (a t th e time ) wa s in th e earl y days of forming. One o f the biggest sites was Tom's Xena Page (www.xenafan.com) an d I spen t quit e som e tim e lookin g through it . Trek fando m had a big fan fictio n base and I was quite pleased to se e a large database of fan fiction devoted t o this show. That night I decided t o develop a site myself. I wasn't sur e what the sit e was going to be like nor di d I want to copy the sites I had seen. So I created The Australian Xena Information Page (the first Australian Xena site ) where news and information fro m a n Aussi e poin t o f vie w wa s developed . AUSXI P would als o contai n m y artwork — montage s base d o n eac h episode tha t coul d tel l th e stor y usin g scree n grabs . O n m y travels through th e 'Net I discovered that this medium was relatively new, so I embraced it and ran with it. The idea of the sit e totally captivated me and thus the site was online by December 15,1996. I soon discovere d that fiv e megs wasn't goin g to be enough an d I eventually moved it to ausxip.com. Th e montage s wer e gettin g recognitio n fro m other fan s an d m y involvemen t i n th e fando m grew . Tom' s Page required a fan fiction editor and I volunteered. Tha t was a totally mammoth job of coding the stories that came in. The

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Lucy poses with a group o f fan s i n costume at the Santa Monica convention, 1999. (Photo by Wendy Sparks)

Xenaverse has produced a huge amount o f fan fiction — stories that would have made excellent episodes or novels. I found myself totall y swamped. Leaving Tom's site to concentrat e o n my own site was a difficult decisio n bu t I didn't want to burn out from doing both. I poured my energies into developing the fan fictio n sectio n o n AUSXIP , which house d an d stil l houses around 30 0 authors an d thousands o f stories . The sit e originall y wa s intende d fo r Aussi e fan s wit h updated new s but I soo n foun d ne w informatio n abou t th e show on a daily basis from all over the world. Many people contributed article s they found in local newspapers or magazines

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and sent them in. I invited authors to contribute their work on The Bard's Corner — the fan fiction sectio n — and the mon tage sectio n develope d t o includ e characte r montages . Th e Bards of the Xenaverse section was developed to interview th e authors and their thoughts on how various episodes influenced them in their writing. I created an award — The XIPPY S — to reward fan fiction I found truly exceptional. The huge artwork section, where many artists contributed thei r work, continued to grow . Around th e fourt h seaso n I was approached b y Judi Mair t o ope n a new section — screen grab s and multimedi a files. In 199 8 information page s devote d t o th e lea d actresses , Lucy Lawless and Rene e O'Connor, wer e created. The aim of a Web site is to entertain, and I've strived for that with AUSXIP. The site wouldn't b e where it is today without th e contri butions of the authors and their fan fiction, the screen grabs by Judi and Caro l Stephens , th e contributor s (to o man y to list ) who sen t i n th e article s an d transcripts . Thi s sit e has been a labor of love and with the sho w ending I've received a ton o f mail urging me to keep it goin g and no t t o let it die . I don't plan on letting AUSXI P fade into the night. In five years the regular visitors to the site number nearl y nine million. On m y recen t visi t t o th e U.S . an d Canad a i t wa s a n absolute delight meeting many of the people I've encountered online. Meeting the authors who had given me so much pleasure i n readin g thei r work , an d finall y meetin g th e variou s contributors to the site were highlights . The show brought togethe r peopl e with dee p pockets an d big hearts. Deep pockets because the Xenites contributed more than a quarter of a million dollar s through the work of a fanrun organizatio n — the Swor d an d Staf f — on behalf o f th e

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stars o f the show . That aspec t o f the Xenavers e is one tha t I never encountered a s a Trek fan. Being in this fando m has been a n enriching experience . It helped open doors I never envisioned nearl y five years ago. I've made lifelong friends. It has led to a job a s Graphics Directo r for Renaissanc e Alliance Publishing. I've re-ignited my writing muse and hav e written a series of seven novels (no t based o n the show ) tha t i s bein g publishe d b y Renaissanc e Alliance Publishing. Xena: Warrior Princess has bee n a life-changing sho w fo r me. Creating AUSXIP and being a part of this fandom has given me pleasur e (an d th e occasiona l headache ) fo r fiv e years . I hope it continues for a few more years to come.

Lucy In fl§e Sfcff BY MICHAEL ERIKSSON

To me Xena equal s good fun and it pretty much came into my life in a n almost mystica l way . You see, I liked i t even before I saw a single episode ! As a seasoned roc k journalist wit h hun dreds of interviews to my credit with the biggest stars in rock music (many published i n Europe and America in major magazines), I felt i n the earl y '905 that i t was time t o move on. It was a classic "Bee n There , Don e That " kind o f situation: the traveling an d th e repetitio n wer e startin g t o ge t to me , so I slowed down and basically decided to keep the best part only , which was my long time interest in the legendary Deep Purple. I knew some of the member s an d I had a n itch t o write, so a fanzine called Deep Purple Forever was born i n 1990.

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In December 1997, my life was about to change forever a s I spotted a small picture of Lucy Lawless as Xena on the cover of a publication called Realms Of Fantasy. Xena was not o n the air in Scandinavia yet and it was unknown to me. But I felt magically draw n t o i t righ t i n th e stor e jus t lookin g a t th e no w classic picture of Xena holding her chakram up in the air with flames behind her . I canno t explai n ho w I cam e to lov e th e concept from thi s article alone, but I did. Certainly the image was very powerful. I just knew that this show had to be good. A year later the show premiered on the TV 3 channel in all the Scandinavian countrie s an d I fel l fo r i t immediately . Everything was first rate: the music of Joseph LoDuca was dramatic, the action sequences were clever and well executed, and Lucy Lawles s an d Rene e O'Conno r ha d a n immediat e pres ence. They were stars .. . period. No television sho w had ever had me hooked like this before. After eac h episode I was anxiously awaiting the next, or I had tears in my eyes if it ended in a dramati c an d sensitiv e way. As the sho w evolved an d mor e interesting character s go t introduce d (Callisto , Joxer , Ares, Aphrodite, Borias, Lao Ma, etc.), it just got better and better. At the time I was studying medicine an d I used to stay on after lecture s and print out hundreds o f pages from th e great sites out there ( I tip my hat to Tom Simpson, Mary Draganis, Dixie Harrison, Gai l Nacios, and Ky m Taborn for the endles s hours o f pleasure). Collecting informatio n i s any writer's firs t priority and the media in Sweden kept ignoring the show completely. Th e Interne t wa s the onl y wa y I coul d div e into th e show properly . Withi n si x month s m y Xena collectio n — including all the books, records , and article s I could fin d — started to look pretty darn good. The Deep Purple Forever mag-

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azine enable d m e t o trad e wit h Purpl e fans i n Americ a an d elsewhere for Xena stuff . With hundred s o f articles now gathered it starte d t o ge t on m y nerves that th e medi a i n Sweden just kept ignoring th e show . It was obvious tha t the Xena fol lowing in m y country was strictly underground. Eventuall y a solution dawned on me. In Februar y 200 0 I starte d t o conside r a n undergroun d fanzine, like the Deep Purple one, for the Xena fan s in my neck of the woods. I figured I knew all about how to proceed and I obviously ha d al l the contact s i n plac e because of th e Purpl e thing. I could print the color covers for both publications a t the same time and sav e costs for both. Th e only thing I had t o d o was to invest some time in getting the new unofficial club going. But little did I know how great this would turn out to be on a personal level when I started to get the club together. I spent six month s gettin g a wonderfu l tea m o f artist s an d friend s together, mos t notabl y Staffa n Eriksso n (layout) , Hele n Palsson (Web mistress), Scott King (comics artist), and Patricia Parker (cove r artist) — and i t was an incredible experience. It was obvious that the fan s o f Xena wer e a positive crow d in all ways imaginable. Also, it was an early decision to let the fanzin e be abou t Luc y Lawless rathe r tha n Xena. 1 knew th e sho w would probably come to an end soon and I felt that it would be a nod o f respect in Lucy's direction i f I let it be a publication that follow s her into the future rathe r than to get stuck in the past very quickly. Also, I liked the name for the fanzine — Lucy In Th e Sky — especiall y considering all those flip s i n Xena. I had othe r suggestions , like The New Zealand Star or Sparkling Lucy (rejecte d whe n somebod y pointe d ou t i t sounde d lik e something you was h your clothe s with!). But Lucy In Th e Sky

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had the added bonus of looking great when you create a logotype so it won hands down. In June 2000 I went public with the projec t and sen t well over a hundred pres s releases out to the media in this country. Within tw o months , Xena (an d th e clu b alon g wit h it ) go t quite a lot of press in newspapers, youth magazines, and other types o f publications . I eve n di d interview s for som e major publications an d lande d goo d spac e in nationa l T V weeklies, which was fantastic. Suddenly everybody kind o f admitted i n the pres s that they did watch Xena an d they liked it. So Xena went straigh t fro m obscurit y into a cult heroin e that peopl e could no w admi t tha t the y enjoye d in a very short spac e of time. And yes, I think I will take some of the credi t for that! Also, durin g thi s time , member s o f th e ne w Swedis h Xena Mailing list (created by Peter Andersson) gave us the opportunity to collectivel y fin d al l the site s mad e b y fan s i n Viking territory. This was an effort that would pay off for all of us once this information was gathered. On Christma s Eve 2000 the society launched a site that my suffering We b mistress Hele n an d I ha d spen t thre e month s building. Th e ide a wa s t o creat e a platfor m fro m whic h a Swedish Xenaverse could grow. It links all the sites made by fans in Sweden, Norway, and Denmark and we have organized what we call a Xena Suppor t Team for people that need help creating new sites . Th e sit e i s i n Swedis h bu t i t doe s spor t a "Sta r Opinion" section in English in which we present quotes gathered by us fro m celebritie s o n Xena, an d als o an intervie w section where some of our interviews can be read in original form. To me Lucy In Th e Sky is a labor o f love. I love to present interviews, art, and so on by actors as well as regular fans. The

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magazine i s basically wha t I woul d lik e t o bu y myself . It i s underground bu t I have tried to make sure that Luc y Lawless knows about us and that she gets the magazine whenever a new issue is out. Sh e probably think s tha t we are a strange lot bu t what can you do when you have Viking blood?

/ approached Missy Good to write a piece for the book, and her immediate response was "Anything for Sword and Staff." When she appeared at the Pasadena 2OO1 convention, she selflessly used her stage time to invite Deb "Mist" Cassetta up on stage to talk about Sword and Staff and the money that they'd raised. She truly has one of the most unique personal stories in the Xenaverse. "TCena? You M/atefi That Show?" BY MELISSA GOOD

I really didn't much care for Xena during its first one and a half years. My roommate and friends loved it and tortured me with it whenever possible, but I thought o f it as a live action extension of another passio n o f theirs, anime. Then one day I was painting an iron gril l lattice. You can't paint tha t wit h a brush, you have to us e something tha t yo u can get into all the nooks and crannies with. I chose a painting mitt. (Poin t in fac t — painting mitts ar e about a s useful a s a pogo stick to a three-legged cat.) Mine leaked. So when Xena came on the big screen television se t nearby, I had n o way of turning it off. i at

JCJEflf/l

The episode that da y was "The Quest." The story captured me and never let go, and I spent the rest of that weekend ferreting ou t broadcast s o f Xena an d watchin g them . (Satellit e dishes: a gift o f the gods.) What amazed me the most was the depth of the two main characters and the intensity of the relationship between them. I watched "Destiny," "The Quest," and "A Necessary Evil" that weekend, an d foun d myself thinking about the characters constantly after th e show was through. I'm a nerd. It's what I do for a living, and I've been a citizen of the Internet since before there was a World Wide Web. It was a natural thing for me to log on and see if there were any other people ou t ther e wh o were als o intereste d i n thi s intriguin g show, and the first site I came upon was Tom's Xena Page. That's where I discovered fan fiction. I thought it was interesting and cool; fan fiction is what long-term fandoms have in common. Fans create, as well as ingest the creation o f the pro ducers. It was a mark of fandoms such as Star Trek and a lot of other genr e programs, an d i t indicate d t o m e tha t her e was something tha t wa s reaching ou t an d touchin g people , who were responding an d giving back to it. Neat stuff . Well, I kep t havin g this littl e stor y ide a occu r to me , s o I decided to try and write it down. I figured if all those other people were posting stories, why not try one myself? I'm not a writer; at least not a fiction writer. I write technical documentation, bu t that's abou t it. However, I wrote a little story, and sent it off to Tom's page, and it got posted. It was fun having something posted on the Internet, and I even got a few e-mails about the story. So I started working on another one. Then a few more, then by that time I decided to put up a little Web page to post them on. Then one day, someone mailed me and asked if, by chance,

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my littl e Web site had a bulletin boar d feature , because there were a few folks who were hanging around on the Web at night waiting for me to update m y story, and they wanted to chat . I was surprised. They were out there hanging around waiting for me to update ? Well, I dug around i n my Web site, and sure enough , ther e wa s a little bulletin board. S o I put i t up , and tol d th e fe w folks ou t ther e t o g o to it . Tha t wa s o n a President's Da y weekend, o r som e othe r weeken d tha t ha d three days because I went out to d o the traditional thing tha t Monday: go shopping. I got back in the late afternoon, and fo r fun, went ove r to my bulletin board to see if anyone had posted on it. There were over a thousand message s on it. I remembe r lookin g a t this screen an d wondering , "Wha t the heck is this?" By the next day or so, they'd crashe d the bulletin board. A few days after that , m y Web site got shut dow n for exceedin g traffic allocation . There were messages out ther e from peopl e not onl y because they were reading, but because they'd foun d other people who were reading, and i t became a community jus t as quickly as that. It's quit e impossible t o describ e what i t feel s lik e to watch something lik e tha t for m aroun d somethin g you'v e done . There's reall y nothing tha t ca n prepar e you fo r it . I suppos e you just have to deal with it when it does, and do the best you can, that's all. I neve r set out t o becom e a notorious Interne t fa n fiction writer. I never really meant to be a part of Xena fando m at all — but ther e I was, and before I knew it I had mailing lists all over the place and people gathering together at cons identify ing themselves as Merpups.

1S3

JCEIMA

Merpups. I neve r thought, whe n AT T Worldnet aske d m e for a n accoun t name , an d I picked m y SC A devic e because i t was unusual, where that woul d al l end up . Certainl y I never intended Merwolf to become possibly the best known ancient heraldic charge on the net. I got to meet a lot of wonderful people. I tried no t t o get overwhelmed by the reality of becoming a polarizing point in fandom. I di d m y bes t t o dea l wit h a notoriet y I' d neve r expected, neve r considered , an d neve r actuall y desired . Sometimes I succeeded; sometimes I did not. Being famous on the 'Net is not a picnic. It's a lot of responsibility and a lot of heartache. If you are lucky, you don't foul it up too badly and end up with mostly good memories o f your 15 minutes of "fame." For me, that's very true. The good things vastly outweighed the bad, and the friends I've made as a result go a long way towards making the not-so-nice things and people worth bearing. I figure d tha t 1 5 minutes is not a long time in a lifetime. I will do the best I can, write my little stories, and try to have as much fun as possible while putting aside the meanness and the smallness o f heart tha t d o unfortunatel y find their wa y into any community. Xena ha s give n an enormou s amoun t o f people a n enor mous amount of good things. It has given them characters they can relate to, has let them find friend s and partners with similar interest s an d tastes , ha s allowe d peopl e t o expres s thei r creative sides in writing, in art, and in music videos. It's given us, as a fandom, a great big heart. So, as a fan, it never occurred to me that I would ever be in a place where I could give something back to Xena — to giv e

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back som e o f that creativit y i n an y sense to th e peopl e wh o gave it to us in the first place . And then, one day, I got a phone call. After that call, I knew from tha t momen t forwar d tha t I would n o longe r ever be a "part" of fandom. That on e phone call would pu t a distanc e between me and most of the people I knew on the 'Net, and it would change my relationships with almost everyone I knew in the fandom forever. I got asked to write a script fo r Xena: Warrior Princess. Why? Well, I think season five was a very tough year for the staff o f X: WP for a lot o f reasons. I think the y were trying t o get back in touch with the fan s afte r everythin g that ha d hap pened. I think Rob Tapert thought that getting a fan involved with a n episod e would b e a goo d idea , an d woul d certainl y catch the attention o f the fans . Why me? Why me Well , the short answer is, Rob Tapert had aske d Steve n Sear s fo r suggestion s abou t gettin g a fa n involved, and Steve n had give n him m y name. A lot o f people have asked me what I bribed Stev e with t o ge t him t o do that , and unfortunately I have to relate the truth of the matter, which was nothing but respect and the occasional funny e-mail . I can still remember the sense of utter shock I felt sitting at my desk, staring at a piece of paper with Rob' s phone numbe r on it, expecting Allen Funt to show up any minute and poke a camera i n m y face . I t wa s quit e a surrea l feelin g an d i t remained surreal all day long as I first called Rob's office, the n much later that night, when I got a call back from him (my first experience with the New Zealand time difference) . The first thing tha t struc k m e abou t Ro b was that h e was very nice. It must have been very strange for him t o be doin g 155

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what he was doing, asking a fan into the process like he was, and I know it was very strange for me to be calling a television producer about anything at all. The other thing that struck me was that he was very straightforward. He said right off that everyone thought thi s was an awfu l idea , but h e was going to g o ahead with it anyway, and we'd just work it out the best we could. Right. After I got off the phone with him, it occurred to me that outsid e th e fac t tha t I wa s doin g somethin g I' d neve r attempted before, it came with a huge amount of responsibility. I felt that I had a responsibility to Steve not to make him look bad in Rob's eyes for suggesting me. I fel t I had a responsibility to Rob because of the chanc e he was taking, and I didn't want to make himM look bad fo r trying it. And more than anything , I had a responsibility to the rest of the people in the fandom. The las t on e wa s a toug h one becaus e I kne w man y people in Xena fandom would both resen t an d dislik e th e fact tha t I ha d gotte n thi s chance instea d o f them . knew man y peopl e dreame of a chance like this, and the were folks out there who we undoubtedly bette r qualifi Steven Sears entert than I wa s to d o wha t I w the audience at a conventi (Photo by Amy J. Putn attempting to d

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But, there I was, and I decide d t o just d o the ver y best I could to represent fandom i n a way that would leave the door open. If the experimen t succeeded, then the next time someone i n Rob' s positio n cam e u p wit h th e idea , someone els e might ge t my chance because it had alread y happened once , and it wasn't a total disaster. It was a big challenge, and a lot of responsibility. Bu t I like challenges, an d I'm use d to accepting responsibility, s o I took the chance and went ahead with it. I'm very glad I did: it was a wonderful experience , and the people I got to work with were funny, professional, and enormousl y tolerant i n dealin g with what was for them a very unusual circumstance. I think that's what I liked th e mos t abou t m y experience with the RenPics and PacRen staff. It could have been a miserable experience for all of us, but because they were so open and willing to deal with this irregularity it turned out to be a truly wonderful time . I had just submitted my first draft script for "Legacy" before word starte d hittin g th e 'Ne t tha t a fa n had bee n chose n t o write a n episode. I went public wit h it , and the reactio n was about as I'd expected it to be. People wrote me congratulator y notes, and others wrote me nastygrams about how unworthy I was. I passed the truly nasty ones to my mother, and what she said abou t thos e peopl e I certainl y can' t repea t i n a famil y book. I told her to look at it in perspective: I'd gotten a oncein-a-lifetime chance , I'd don e somethin g I didn't think I was prepared t o do , and I got to mee t a whole pile o f wonderful people while I was doing it. I fel t prett y goo d abou t "Legacy. " It wa s a smal l story , it mostly deal t wit h Xen a an d Gabrielle , it ha d som e nice dia -

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logue, strong figh t scenes , and I felt i t was a competent wor k for a first-time script. I knew I hadn't embarrasse d myself, I felt I hadn't embarrasse d RenPics too badly, and I figured about 10 percent o f what I turned in would end up on screen. Everyone tol d m e I shoul d g o ove r t o Ne w Zealand an d watch it be filmed, since how often doe s a fan get this chance, right? I decided t o as k Rob if I happened t o actuall y make it over to Auckland, would it be all right if I dropped in for a few minutes to watch? I really didn't expect a second script assignment t o preven t m e fro m goin g over there. Oh , yes, and no t only was it a second script, but becaus e of the Olympic s they needed a new season opener, and by the way, this was it. Yikes. Here I was, after the trauma of the fifth season, in the position o f being front an d cente r at the opening of the sixth . I just accepted the fact tha t I was going to be a sacrificial goat at that point, and decided to have even more fun with the second script than the first. "Coming Home" was a tough story to write, because it had s o many goals. It had to open season six. It had t o introduc e a new Amazon characte r fo r later i n th e season. It had to address a few issues from season five. It had to attempt to bring Xena and Gabrielle back to some kind of level for the m t o launc h of f int o th e rea l seaso n openers , "Th e Haunting o f Amphipolis" and "Heart of Darkness." This scrip t had severa l more change s after I finished with it , and I got to see them first hand because I did go over to Auckland to watch a week of the filming of it. I have to be honest — I actually enjo y watching "Comin g Home" more than "Legacy." It seems to me to be much more of a true Xena episode, and it has a lot of elements, including farc e and humor , tha t I'v e alway s appreciated i n th e show . Havin g

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said that, I also have to admit that one of the highlights of my trip t o Auckland was sitting in an offic e a t PacRen and seeing the almos t finishe d "Legacy " for the first time . I t was at once surreal and awesome. Hearing words I'd written an d scenes I'd imagined pla y themselves ou t o n screen with Luc y and Renee acting them was an experience I can't do justice to here. Of course, meeting Lucy and Rene e is also an experience I can't reall y diminish , an d certainl y i s th e thin g I ge t aske d about most . Fo r those waitin g fo r a juicy scoop o n th e dar k side of either o f them, I'm afrai d you'l l have to keep waiting . They're both very gracious, kind people who work impossibly hard at what they do to entertain us. When I was in Auckland, they'd just finished filming the Ring trilogy and that was, from all accounts, a very tough shoot . Rene e was preparing for her second stin t a t directing , an d i t amaze d m e just ho w muc h preparatory work has to b e don e asid e from th e writing an d the acting of these stories. Steve Sears once said that makin g a television show is like setting off a half ton o f dynamite in a junkyard, and when the smoke clears, a brand new car is there. The detail that goes into the process of making a television show is incredible. Just keeping track of which shot is on which piece of celluloid is a more than full-time job. I was lucky enough to get to talk to the people who actually make it happen — the nuts and bolts of it. Incredibly nice people, who are very, very good at what they do. Everything has to be planned to maximize the time they have to do what they do — and the people in front o f the camera are incredible. Those figh t scenes ? Th e figh t coordinato r take s Lucy an d Renee through their moves once, maybe twice, and they take it

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from there . I watched Luc y ad lib a move, when sh e kicks the sword ou t o f Kevin Smith's hand . Th e first time sh e did tha t she nailed a light shiel d wit h it and scared us all half to deat h when it made a sound lik e a gong. Everyone o n se t wa s wonderful . Watching Mar k Beesley direct wa s amazing — he get s right u p int o hi s monitor an d uses hi s finger s t o fram e th e shot s whil e he' s working . Th e horse wrangler s were charming, even when the y had t o tak e Ares' horse ou t o f the scen e when i t go t skittis h fro m al l the sword fighting the army was doing. A coupl e o f moment s d o stan d ou t — watchin g Luc y instruct th e Amazon s o n ho w to b e Amazons an d teachin g them fiercenes s i n thei r battl e scene s wa s on e o f them . Watching the crew race the sun to get the last shots of the day in, tradin g natura l sunligh t fo r incandescent . Watching Lucy and Rene£ decide how and what Xena and Gabrielle wanted to say to each other about the chakram to the head Gab took in "Motherhood." The y wrote th e line s the y sai d to eac h other . Mark just had me rewrite the lines around that, to try and integrate it as best we could. I also got throttled i n the lunch lin e by Julius as Lucy was carrying him . (H e likes to pull strings. ) I think for me, the best part of my Xena writing experienc e was the people I got to meet. To see the human face behind th e "the power s that be" that we so often tos s around o n the 'Net was a very special experience, and t o ge t to b e a part o f th e magic of the show gave me a very different perspective on both the sho w and the people who made it. They're very nice, talented ladies and gentlemen, and I liked them all a lot. They do a tough job, and in a lot of cases a thankless one. It's very easy for u s to stan d outsid e an d criticiz e wha t they d o and thro w

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spears, but unti l you'v e stoo d i n thei r shoe s an d don e wha t they do, think twice before you throw the next one. If it was as easy as you think it is, everyone would do it. Xena certainl y impacte d m y life . Goo d an d bad , I don' t regret a moment o f it. Through i t I've mad e friendships that were worth al l the hard work that went into bot h m y fan fiction writing and my writing for the show. I think on e of the great and lasting legacies Xena has left us is that th e characters in it spurred so many people into devel oping their own creativity. It's easy to sit back and absorb what others giv e you — it's muc h harde r t o tur n tha t aroun d an d touch someon e els e with your ow n dreams. Xena wa s a catalyst, and I hope it will remain that way for a long time to come.

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SsiyiPicj Goocli>y€5

No matter how good a series is, it has to come to an end at some point. After six years of following Xena and Gabrielle on their many adventures — both physical and emotional — we were forced to say goodbye to them in June 2O01. The show was originally only going to be five seasons long, but

an extra year

got

tacked on, and it was necessary. The final episode left people emotionally battered and bruised, and whether

you

loved it or hated it, "Friend in Need" certainly got a rise out of people, which is the sign of any good finale. I received several heartfelt stories from writers about what the finale meant to them, or how saying goodbye to these valiant heroines was such a difficult thing to do, and I decided it would be a good way to close the story section of this book. (For more responses to the finale, see the questionnaire on page 246.)

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A Necessary Ei/ii BY LANCE GORTON

Xena ha s been my life for six years — six years that were ripped in half by the finale, but it has changed me nevertheless. Xena has given my life meaning. People say, "Oh you will get over Xena, it's just a show," but it's not. The number of people's lives this show has touched ar e innumerable. Xena wa s just so fun to watch. It can relate to anyone. It relates to me in every way. Every episode has a meaning o f life , love , death, an d friendship , an d there' s nothing in the world that can compare to the friendship of Xena and Gabrielle . I've tried to imagine my life without Xena, and I believe that nothing would have happened th e way it did. However, the series finale was an outrage to many Xena fan s and to me. There are ups and downs to the finale. It had its positive aspects: we found out another chapter of Xena's past, Xena and Gabrielle' s relationshi p strengthene d eve n further , an d Gabrielle i s no w a n unbeatabl e warrio r lik e Xen a was. Th e downside reall y hi t m e hard , though . Xena' s sou l wa s stil l aching fo r the crimes sh e committed, Gabrielle was becoming fierce, and Xen a was impaled b y flying arrow s and ha d t o di e the most harrowing death. We did see Xena in the biggest and best battle ever, but it did not have the outcome that we wanted. When the y showed the final sunset with Xena and Gabrielle, I couldn't eve n watch because of the tear s streaming down m y face. I felt as if my life was slipping away the way Xena's was. I say all of this only to show how much Xena has meant t o me a s a characte r an d a hero. Thes e si x years have and wil l always be the best in my life. Thank you Lucy, Renee", and Rob for havin g such a wonderful show.

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GOODBYE

M&rssi Is My Rft@feMModel BY JIMJ CASCO

I never thought tha t a television characte r could become such an importan t par t o f m y life . Sinc e the ver y first episod e six seasons ago I have not onl y followed Xena's life and viewed her as a role model, but I have changed and grown right along with her. It felt as though we were friends learning and growing side by side , yea r afte r year . W e walked tw o differen t paths , but wer e all the while headed for the sam e goal — peace in our lives , an d i n th e live s o f those we love. There ar e s o man y exam ples o f lif e event s tha t Xen a experienced tha t correlat e t o my own. I cannot begin to tell them all, but one episode that was a true inspiratio n fo r me was "Th e Bitte r Suite, " whe n Xena an d Gabriell e foun d themselves i n th e Lan d o f Illusia. In the story the y have developed so much hatred for each othe r tha t Xen a sets out A tiny warrior. Juli Casco's adorable daughter, to murde r Gabrielle . Wha t Seraya, shows that warrior she does not realize , however, strength can come in small is that when given the chanc e packages. (Photo courtesy to follo w throug h o n he r Juli Casco)

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revenge and actually kill Gabrielle, she does not find the satisfaction she is looking for. She is merely consumed by her ow n anger and grief . What Gabrielle and Xena ultimately come to discover i s that onl y throug h forgivenes s and lov e ar e the y really able to b e free d o f thei r intens e feeling s o f hate. Tha t episode came at a time in my life when I was struggling with resentment toward s a long time friend. I too had to learn th e value of forgiveness and restoration . Every such episod e an d event in Xena's life brought moments of similar identification for me . When I learned that the show was coming to an end I was heartbroken. I did not want to lose one of my closest friends. I braced mysel f fo r a n emotiona l evenin g watching tha t fina l episode. As I suspected, i t was a heart-wrenching finish, witnessing Xen a makin g th e ultimat e sacrific e fo r th e masses . Having converted from her days of evil, Xena always tried to do what wa s righ t an d mak e amend s fo r he r prio r evi l deeds . Should I have expected any less in the end? I can only strive to be as loving and strong , yet as giving and selfles s a s Xena was. Through tear s I replayed th e final scenes several times. I was comforted i n thos e fina l moment s t o hea r Xen a tellin g Gabrielle that sh e would always be with her — knowing tha t Xena would alway s follow Gabrielle . I fee l tha t I can clin g to that same hope; that Xena will continue with me and all Xena fans forever in our hearts .

For some fans, the only way to deal with the show's ending is to pretend it ended somewhere else, and that "Friend in Need" never happened.

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SMYIMa GOODBWE

JCeft^ €3aisi°i&ii&if sinsi M& BY J/kGKSE CA.NNON

I am a Black woman over 40 with my feet planted firmly on the ground. I never thought I would find mysel f part o f a television sho w fandom . I lik e T V bu t I a m no t a n avi d o r indiscriminate watcher . S o whe n a co-worke r suggeste d I watch a Hercules-like actio n sho w with a femal e hero , I sai d I would. The first full episod e I saw was "A Day In The Life." I loved it! I thought i t would be strait-laced action storie s with the onl y twis t bein g a femal e lead . Bu t thi s episod e wa s extremely creative , witty, funny , wel l written, an d wel l acted . Then I saw "The Price " and I realized this show was different , unique, and special. I was hooked. I have always enjoyed character s with substance that make you think and feel as well as entertain. I love it when characters grow and change. Xena was not like the perfect, never-break-anail Wonder Woman. She was not onl y complex an d flawed, but als o ofte n bloody , dirty , an d eve n smelly . No girly-figh t action for this heroine. She could give it out and she could als o take it. A true warrior, Xena was crude and violent yet her compassion and need to protect was evident. The combination fo r me was amazing and captivating. I love Lucy Lawless's portrayal of Xena: beautiful, dangerous, confident, mischievous, sexy, brave, and smart. She never apologizes fo r bein g a gir l an d neve r expect s specia l favors, either . Xena was obviously comfortable with her body whether being a warrior o r playing the seductress , clothed o r not. Xen a would not nee d the Vagina Monologues. To me this is empowering. Renee O'Connor's "Gabrielle " brought integrity to the role

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of sidekick . Gabrielle' s inne r strength , stron g convictions , spunk, loyalty, curiosity, and exuberance made the show work for me. I love Gabrielle for having the courage it took to travel with and love Xena. Watching Xena felt good to me. I was proud of her. I felt exhilarated when the hero rode up an d it was Xena. A woman, and even more, a woman whose soul mate and co-hero is a woman. Two bonded female heroes. It was like an alternative lifestyle was being validated in the popular media. I can only liken it to how Blacks felt back when Shaft cam e up ou t o f that subway to th e Isaac Hayes theme music. It's a different kin d of hero that I can relate to and be proud of . Xena filled me with pride on several levels: I was proud of this brave little syndicate d sho w with its drama, comedies , an d musical s tha t wer e better tha n an y network show; I was proud t o be the hardcore fan I became. The fans themselves became part of my life. I discovered the Internet Xenaverse, fa n fiction , an d conventions . I discovere d tha t th e relationship I'd been seeing was real and had a name: subtext. I couldn't believ e the time I was spending discussing a TV show with mytholog y and history buffs, subtexters , anti-sub texters, an d peopl e o f al l age s an d backgrounds . Xen a an d Gabrielle stirre d conversation s tha t ofte n drifte d fro m th e show's plots and the stars' attributes to real life topics. Through concerned Xena fan s I learned about the Taliban and its severe practices long before September nth . Of course , the "are they or aren' t they " debate was always going on and still is. Another popular topic was the making of the show by the powers that be, and their responsibility to the viewers. All of this was stimulating, fun, often time s frustrat ing, but alway s a learning experience. I found Xena fan s to be

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generous, articulate, caring, talented, and fun. At conventions I found no racism, sexism, homophobia, o r ageism. It was wonderful to celebrate ou r love for the show together . Waiting for the final episodes I stayed spoiler-free. I warned all friends and relatives to tell me nothing. I do not regret that. But, oh what a shock! I was in tears for days after watching "Friend i n Need." I could not believe how horribly it affected me . I felt silly — after all , it is a TV show — but th e pain was real and deep . I know everything about thes e people . I know all they have been through together. I love them. What happens to them affects me. It was not onl y because Xena died suc h a brutal death that it hur t s o much , bu t th e unjus t reaso n sh e remaine d dead . Since when doe s vengeance equal redemption o r justice? That is not what I understood the show to be about. Xena freed th e villagers' souls, shouldn't the y reach the state of grace based on their ow n deeds ? If, as writer R . J. Stewart says, Xena is a war criminal an d not redeemable by good deeds, then what was the show for? I f she was that unredeemable , she was never wort h Gabrielle's love and concern or mine. I am disappointed tha t an original endin g wasn't written for Xena and Gabriell e rather than rehashin g an old existing story. They deserved their ow n ending. I was angry that they took the easy way out; it wasn't "bold" as Lucy Lawless said or "defiant" as Rob Tapert described it. Bold would be to allow them to endure, to go on together as a couple. That would have been bold. Defiant and irredeemable would have been if Xena had purposely killed those 40,000 people, instead of by accident because they attacked her. The n hav e Xen a di e t o fre e th e souls , leavin g ou t th e vengeance and grace factors. I could have accepted that. It would have hurt but it would have made sense to me and to Gabrielle.

tea

XEIVA

I struggle to separate "Friend i n Need" from Gabrielle and Xena so I can enjoy the old episodes without twinges from th e final. It is important t o me. It wasn't onl y Gabrielle and Xena who gre w and change d because of the si x years they traveled together. Thi s sho w provide d numerou s touchstone s t o ou r personal, societal , an d cultura l value s an d mor e importantly , challenged those values. Not just for Xena and Gabrielle or for the fans, but hopefull y for the actors and producers as well. It ha s bee n a wonderful , exciting , fun , frustrating , an d heartbreaking collective and personal ride. Despite the endin g I am grateful for this show and thank everyone involved, especially Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor for creating the mos t outstanding du o ever.

The following story first appeared as part of the Whoosh! "Group Therapy Project," a project that was designed to help ease viewers' sadness by writing about their grief. Because there were so many angry reactions to the episode on the Internet immediately following its initial airing, I wanted to include one particularly heated response.

Goodbye to fi/ly Hero BY CATHERINE M. WILSON AND DONNA E. TRIFILO

Of all the ending s I could hav e imagined fo r the serie s Xena: Warrior Princess, I would never have guessed that Rob Tapert would go for the cliche . In fact , h e went for tw o cliches . The firs t i s the tired , old ,

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SAYING GOODBYE

misogynistic cliche that the uppity woman must get her comeuppance. Women have been allowed few heroes, and those we have almost alway s meet a tragic end. Countless stories tell of strong, independen t wome n wh o ar e taught a lesson, put i n their place, brought down, made powerless. The movie Thelma and Louise is just one example of a long tradition, as is the constantly retold, historically true tale of Joan of Arc. For many , these stories of strong women ar e fantasy fodder, titillating as a dominatrix is titillating, but also reassuring, because th e woman' s demis e make s he r ultimatel y non threatening. For women thes e storie s ar e cautionar y tales, warning u s not to dare too much. No strong woman is allowed to win, and that's what mad e Xena the her o o f so many women, because she did win, time after time . The secon d clich e i s expressed in earl y twentieth-centur y novels lik e Th e Well o f Loneliness (1926 ) an d countles s pul p novels of the 19505, as well as in movies like The Fox (1968) an d The Children's Hour (1961) . In those bad ol d days, if one dared to tell stories abou t lesbians , the y must alway s have a "moral" ending, meaning that one or both of the women had to end up with a man, in prison, insane, or dead. Most often i t was the more powerful, the more "unwomanly" woman, who came to a bad end. All too ofte n she died, and her death was usually a violent and gruesome one. Although Xena and Gabriell e have never been definitively outed by the show, it is well known that Xena: Warrior Princess has a large following of lesbian fans, who view the relationshi p between Xena and Gabriell e as a love story. The death of Xena triggered a reaction i n man y lesbians who sa w yet agai n th e

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tired, old cliche. As one woman said, "Nothing lik e keeping up the cinematic history of dead lesbians." I doub t tha t Mr . Tapert intende d t o sen d eithe r o f thes e messages. I don't believe he recognized tha t his "bold choice" ending wa s a cliche, just a s I don't believ e he eve r mad e th e connection betwee n th e mushroo m clou d ove r Jap a an d th e atomic bombs the United States dropped o n Japan. I certainly don't expect that he has had an y exposure to feminist theory, and I doub t h e ha s eve r see n th e film , Th e Celluloid Closet (1995), which documents Hollywood's unfortunat e depictions of lesbians. Mr. Tapert must be aware, however, that his show has empowered women. The hero he created ha s changed forever th e way women se e themselves an d th e wa y women ar e portrayed o n screen. The woman-as-victim scenario, once so common in popular culture, has lost its credibility, and female helplessness is no longer an acceptable counterpoint t o male heroism. Post-Xena, women recognize the warrior in themselves. While n o televisio n produce r ha s a n obligatio n t o tr y t o change the world, Mr. Tapert has helped to do just that, which makes hi s fina l betraya l o f hi s audienc e tha t muc h mor e painful. I hav e hear d man y wome n expres s thei r grie f ove r th e demise of their hero , and I think man y of them wonder why they feel a s they do. Perhaps on som e deep level they understand that Xena's ultimate defea t i s their ow n defea t a s well. I have heard many lesbians express their anger at the separation of Xena and Gabrielle , and mos t o f them d o understand why they ar e angry . While th e serie s itsel f ha s constantl y hedge d over the exac t nature o f the relationship , man y fans, an d no t

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only lesbians , sa w i t a s a romance . Lesbian s hav e largel y accepted the half a loaf they've been given by the show, but th e separation of the two "friends" feels like the final insult . Mr. Tapert has not only betrayed a large number of his fans, he has also betrayed his own vision. Throughout the series, the tragic cycle of violence and revenge has been a constant theme, but in the end, violence and revenge won the day. Throughou t the series , the powe r o f lov e t o hea l an d forgiv e ha s bee n repeatedly invoked, yet in the end, love was powerless. What can account for this sudden reversal of everything the show has stood for ? In the last analysis, Mr. Tapert failed to grasp the nature of his ow n vision . H e ha s a n uncann y knac k fo r pullin g grea t themes ou t of his head, but he seems to lack an understandin g of thei r meaning . "Destiny, " "Th e Debt, " an d "Th e Ide s o f March" are works of genius. So much o f Mr. Tapert's creative vision ha s been s o good tha t mos t fans hav e been willin g t o forgive hi s gaffes . Som e of his gaffes , however , have been horrendous, and the finale is the worst of all, because it appears to undo all the good that he has done. What i f th e serie s had ende d wit h "Th e Ide s o f March"? That episod e was truly a "bold choice " conclusion t o th e ar c that had been develope d throughou t season four. Xena had a vision of her deat h and Gabrielle's . She spent much o f season four trying to avoid the fate her vision had foretold. Her fear of it haunted almost ever y episode an d create d i n us a feeling of dread. And yet, when it came true, the very thing that we had dreaded wa s th e perfec t ending . Xen a an d Gabriell e were released int o anothe r world . Th e fears, the struggles , th e sor rows of this world were left behind . They were together. They

HJ3

XEATA

were happy. Nothing could hurt them again. They were free. "The Ides of March" was brilliant both in meaning and execution. It contained a profound message: perhaps what we fear most is the best thing that could happen. And all year I dreaded seeing Xena's vision come true, and when it did, I felt the rightness of it. It is no mean feat to take the viewer on a journey like that, to make us feel Xena's dread, her desperation , to take us with her on every step of an inevitable journey, and then to turn the whole stor y o n it s head , t o revea l that th e wors t thin g tha t could happe n wa s i n trut h th e best . "Th e Ide s o f March " achieved th e impossible . I t wa s both tragi c and triumphant , and our grief was tempered with the joy of seeing two liberated souls leave this world together. But "Frien d i n Need " was a disaster. Th e plot was full o f holes. Xen a wa s t o blam e fo r th e death s o f 40,00 0 peopl e because she inadvertently started a fire while trying to defen d herself. Wasn't Akemi more to blame? If she hadn't kille d her father, none of it would have happened. Then Xena had to die to hel p th e Ghos t Kille r kil l Yodoshi , the demo n wh o ha d devoured th e 40,00 0 souls . Bu t Akem i wa s alread y dead . Couldn't sh e have done it? Xena's explanatio n o f wh y sh e ha d t o sta y dead wa s th e worst of all. The 40,00 0 souls had t o b e avenged before the y could enter into a state of grace, whatever that means, and only her death could avenge them. The producers of Xena: Warrior Princess have always operated fro m a potpourr i o f rulebooks , makin g u p thei r cosmology as they go along, and th e rule s are often arbitrar y and capricious. But making up an arbitrary rule is not a cred-

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ible way to motivate important events , and no event could be more important than the death of the hero. There are worse things in "Friend in Need" than the rickety plot. Th e amoun t o f misogyn y i n th e episod e i s appalling . Never befor e i n th e serie s have I hear d anyon e make Xena's womanhood a n issue, yet in Japan she was told that the katana is for men only. The display of her naked, headless body, strung up fo r al l to see , was an expressio n of contempt , intende d t o humiliate. Wors t o f al l wa s he r treatmen t b y Yodoshi, wh o stripped her, called her a whore, and referred to her "servicing" his nee d fo r souls . That whol e scene , played out i n explicitl y sexual terms, felt darkl y pornographic. The saddes t thin g abou t "Frien d i n Need " i s its nihilism. The messag e o f th e episod e i s tha t vengeanc e works . Th e 40,000 soul s entere d a stat e o f grac e because they go t thei r revenge. That i s a chilling messag e to sen d ou t int o a world where the lust for vengeance kills thousands ever y day. In th e finale , al l the value s extolled throughou t th e series are proven empty and meaningless. Love and forgivenes s cannot en d th e cycl e o f violence , an d Xena' s journe y o f redemption ha s bee n fo r nothing . Sh e cannot b e redeemed , neither by her sincere repentance for the hurt she's caused, nor by all the goo d she's done, nor b y Gabrielle's love for her, nor by her love for Gabrielle . The emptines s and grie f fel t by so many fans ar e not-what we should feel at the clos e of a heroic epic. A hero's life shoul d inspire us , and a hero's death should feel like the fulfillment of that life . Instead, Xena's death is simply tragic. There is no tri umph in it. Some will say, "It's just a TV show. Why ar e people taking it

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so seriously?" I take it seriously because the stories we tell each other are important. They tell us who we are and what is possible. The y teach , encourage , an d inspire . Live s hav e bee n changed b y thi s T V show , an d that' s wha t give s m e hope . Already fan s ar e rewritin g th e ending , an d parodie s o f th e finale are allowing us to heal our hearts with laughter. In the final analysis , not eve n her creator, Rob Tapert himself, can destroy Xena. She is much too strong for him, because she lives in all of us.

It was when I read the following submission that I decided to devote a chapter to how people dealt with the show ending. This submission was very moving, and showed that no matter how many times you watch it, the finale of a beloved show never gets any easier to swallow. A Frteffiefsfffp LIfce Afo Other ... BY SARAH THOMPSON, A.K.A. LADYSPICE

I was having dinner with friends an d I was overwhelmed with a need to voice something. So, just as the drinks arrived at the table, I announced, "I have watched the las t episode of Xena: Warrior Princess 35 times. And not onl y do I have it memorized but I can also reenact the fight scenes. Every sword blow, every warrior princess ass-kicking maneuver. I think I have a problem. I think I need help. I can't let the show go." Of course my friends are well aware of my addiction. Come to think of it, my employer, my parents, the variety store owner

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on th e corner , and th e gu y who sell s me m y morning coffe e know o f m y craving s too . I a m addicte d t o th e Warrio r Princess, Gabrielle,... and yes, even Joxer. And the power this show had ove r my life will never be duplicated by any others that try to come after . It al l began wit h th e Hercules movies . I wa s addicte d t o action heroes. I laughed at Kevin Sorbo's acting. Until one day, a blue-eye d warrio r princes s name d Xen a appeare d o n th e show. And since then an y time Lucy Lawless has been on television I hav e ha d t o watch . I woul d neve r sa y tha t Xena changed m y life. I just loved th e show . And the n afte r seve n years, including her first appearance on Hercules, I had to let it go. But alas, I cannot. When the finale came on I didn't read the spoilers. I stayed away from Xena Web sites. I didn't want to know how it would end because like many Xena fan s I didn't want it to end . The finale brok e m y heart. Xena was dead. But I think th e wors t part of it all was Gabrielle. She was alone now. Haunted by the memory of her best friend. No more journeys with her ravenhaired woman o f many skills. Like Gabrielle, I felt alone. It was as if someone had taken out part of myself. And since the final e aired, and the backlash of angry Xena fan s has calmed slightly , all I have lef t ar e videotapes o f m y beloved warrio r princes s and her bard. Was I a subtext fan? No, I just thought they were best friends. The bar d o n he r journe y through lif e wit h he r bes t friend , a woman seeking redemption for her past misdeeds. This was the best premise for a TV show since the creation of entertainment . Am I insane? No, I just love a particular televisio n show. I, like many other fans , held down a job, had non-Xenit e friends,

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A beautiful an/me rendition of our two heroines. (Artwork by Sail Jackson)

and exercise d lik e a banshee (maybe because I alway s wanted Gab-Abs). Friends use d to as k me to d o the Xena yell. I never owned a Xena T-shirt, but I own her sword. I just love this show. Xena an d Gabriell e ar e th e wome n I wis h I coul d be .

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Fighting fo r th e greate r good . Hangin g ou t wit h you r bes t friend ever y day and laughing . I wanted thei r life . The y ha d everything I wanted: the skills to fight, the genius wit, and the looks that "tear out a man's heart." They understood th e world in its simplicity. And for a woman trapped in a big city and lost in the crowd, they were my redemption an d my adventure. Gabrielle was an innocent o n th e path t o being a warrior. She spoke with energy and life . She wrote stories of their journeys. An d whe n i t cam e t o savin g he r frien d sh e woul d d o anything — she would take the "Path o f Friendship." Xena wa s a warrior tryin g t o reclai m he r innocence . She was clever and was able to bend the world to her will. She was a mother . Sh e was a villain. And when i t cam e to savin g her friend sh e would d o anythin g — she would tak e the "Path o f the Warrior." And I also admired the women, Renee O'Connor an d Lucy Lawless, wh o brough t thes e tw o character s t o life . I alway s wanted to be an actress and to play the role of a lifetime. And for six years these women acte d with their hearts an d made it seem like Xena and Gabrielle truly existed . But it was the love and the friendship that made me watch. And still has me watching. And in the episode "One Against An Army" I will alway s remember th e brillian t performance s by Lucy and Renee. The line, "Even in death, Gabrielle, I will never leave you" brings the series full circle with the finale. (But I still wonder i f Xena got Gabrielle her new boots.) I have decided to lock up my videotape of the finale for one year. I think for my own mental health I shouldn't watch it anymore. But I arn starting again. My Xena sword is hanging in my new home. I have started th e cycl e of episodes al l over again .

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With the last tape, I will watch "A Day in The Life" and believe that friendship s like that trul y do exist thanks to my battling bard and my warrior princess. And that love always endures.

ISO

PJ £i» ,f -A ••! =•! vi • j
When I was working on my first book, Lucy

Lawless

and Renee

O'Connor:

Warrior Stars of Xena, I put out a notice in fall of 1997 asking people to answer questions about why they love Xena: Warrior

Princess. Ninety-eight

people

responded with some of the funniest things I've ever read. Unfortunately, in the editing process, the entire chapter was cut from the book due to length (okay, so the episode guide was a little long . . . I'll admit that). So, I decided to resurrect the idea for this book. Again I sent out a questionnaire in the winter of 2001, and the responses were very different from the ones I received when people were only halfway through season three. Perceptions of the show had changed, the finale was still fresh in everyone's minds, and the show had completely evolved in the last three seasons. So the following includes

the

responses from the 2001 questionnaire.

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and for every question I've compared the new answers to the ones I received four years earlier. In the questionnaire I asked for some information about each person to see what sort of demographic was answering the questions.

Eighty percent of the

respondents were women. answers

from

all

ages:

I received 23%

were

teenagers, 26% were in their 20s, 21% were in their 30s, 17% were in their 40s, 11 % were in their 50s, and I had one lovely respondent who was in her 70s. Most of the people lived in the United States (60%), but I also got answers from

Mexico,

England, Canada, Scotland, Puerto Rico, India, Germany, Greece, Israel, Australia, South Africa, and a surprising number of finished

questionnaires

from

Finland,

thanks to someone sending it to a Finnish mailing list. And as for job status, they ran the gamut: several students

(studying

communications, literature, theatre, theology, computers, graphic arts, physics, engineering), teachers, a PhD professor, a personal caretaker, a published poet, social workers, a PR consultant, a police officer, a vet technician, an auditor, and several IT analysts. No wonder I received such a variety of responses!

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H/ii€xHTIEF8

1. HOW cflef you first fiear ^fiout JCeita: Warrior Prineess? Most people said they first heard about the show when they were flipping channels and happened upon it. Another popular medium was through the Internet, where they first saw the sites, then watched the show because they'd been intrigued. Other responses included family or friends mentioning the show, watching it with their children or other family members and getting hooked, reading about it in newspapers or other media (since Xena has become an icon), or ads on television. In the original questionnaire I sent out, most people heard about the show when they were watching Hercules, and the producers had heavily promoted it through that show:

I firs t hear d abou t i t fro m a mal e frien d o f mine . H e kep t insisting tha t I woul d lik e the sho w but a t tha t tim e I wasn' t interested i n anothe r sho w abou t a "scantily-clad , Wonde r Woman Wannabe, that targets teenag e boys!" (I I believ e thos e were my exac t words to him. ) Littl e did I kno w how wron g I was and how right he was! I began watching Hercules when my seventh grade English class was studyin g mytholog y I quickl y becam e addicte d t o Here and his legendary journeys. In fact I watched him a s often a s I could. Then I started seeing advertisements for a new spin-off of Hercules. I t wa s calle d Xena: Warrior Princess. I watche d Xena a few times, but just couldn't ge t into it. Then I saw "Blind Faith," and immediately I was hooked.

<$ £$! ^ Q a^oSj

XEJItA

I read about i t in a TV magazine, but wasn' t reall y interested in it then. It's funny how I got to watch my first episode of the show: in 19981 was a big fan of Ellen DeGeneres and I loved her blue eyes. I said to a friend o f mine that I have never seen more beautiful eyes . My friend just asked if I had eve r watched Xena and if I had seen Lucy Lawless's eyes. I said no and at that time I still thought that Xena was a dumb children's show. Well, my friend the n showe d m e the secon d seaso n episode, "Intimat e Stranger" and I was surprised that it wasn't a kids' show at all. I was also fascinated by Lucy's eyes. Ellen DeGeneres was soon forgotten. Soldiers, armor , and ancien t weaponry have always fascinated my son. The show X:WPPuse d to air on Sunday afternoon an d he'd alway s make a point o f watchin g it . Becaus e I monito r what my children watch, I sat down an d gav e it a look. I was fascinated tha t ther e wa s actuall y a televisio n sho w tha t depicted women as being strong and independent and yet feminine an d emotional. I think th e first episode I watched alone was "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." That's whe n I first began to see "subtext." I did some research at the local library, looking at fan site s and the Creatio n fan club home page and discovered more than I ever dreamed. Fan fiction was truly a godsend. I had n o ide a ther e wer e other s ou t ther e tha t sa w th e Xena/Gabrielle dynamics as being loving and romantic. It gave me the impetus to actually write down my own stories. I saw the ads on television an d in TV Guide, rolled my eyes and thought it looked way too silly and violent for my tastes. I was a seriou s adult sci-f i Star Trek: Th e Next Generation fan . But

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then I saw Lucy on he r firs t Rosie appearance and wa s utterly charmed by the soft-spoken , almost demur e woman with th e Kiwi accent who sang a cowboy song and looked and sounde d nothing lik e th e imposing , big , bad, leather-clad warrio r Amazon. Also, I figured tha t at this late date there just had to be som e subtex t i n a serie s ostensibl y abou t Amazons . Anything else would be ludicrously unbelievable. 2. How long have you been watching the show? Many people got into the show around season three, and many have begun watching it in syndication on the Oxygen Network (the great thing about syndication is how many new viewers it can bring into a fandom that has existed for years). Because I received finished questionnaires from people around the world, some have seen the show since "Sins of the Past," but that had only aired in their country for the first time a year or so ago. Most had seen all the way to the end of season six (see question #21).

3.What attracted you to the show when you first saw it? There were as many answers to this question as there were respondents, for the most part. People loved the sight of two strong women who didn't need a man, the comedy mixed with the drama, the fact that X:WP was trying something that had never been attempted on tel-

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evision, the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle, the special effects, the flawed hero with inner personal demons, the acting, the mythology, the settings . . . and of course, Xena's outfit.

The martial arts. I had just passed my black belt in tae kwon do and could make out similarities. I'm also a big fan of fantasy so the plots and Greek myths were really appealing. Lucy Lawless. Also the theme of a dark heroine in a mythic setting, the sharp writing (including nice touches of humor), the music, th e remarkabl e productio n values , th e Ne w Zealan d scenery, and th e Hon g Kong-styl e action. I think Ro b Tapert did an amazing job of bringing these elements together. The episode that sucke d me in was "Is There a Doctor i n th e House?" When they came to the CP R scene, I was sitting there on my couch watching Xena trying to revive a seemingly dead Gabrielle. So, as usual, I'm thinkin g t o m y jaded self, "If thi s were a male/female pair they would surely be doing mouth-tomouth b y now." Well no soone r ha d th e ide a forme d i n m y mind tha n i t wa s happening o n m y television screen. I coul d hardly believe my eyes! I don't think I'v e eve r been s o pleasantly shocke d i n my entire life . I vowed right the n an d ther e that I would never miss another episode. I caught the tail end of "The Titans" and thought it was kind of cute, in a goofy sort of way. Then I saw the complete episode of "Is There a Doctor in the House?" and I was hooked. The passion/friendship betwee n Xen a an d Gabriell e was like none I

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had eve r seen before o n televisio n an d I was awed by it! The music and the cinematograph y were beautiful. And I couldn' t believe, at that time, that Lucy's eyes were really that blue! The fac t tha t a beautiful woman lik e Xena could b e a better warrior than any man, as well as being a healer. And, of course, the war cry The relationshi p betwee n Xen a an d Gabrielle . I sa w a lov e that I ha d neve r see n anywher e els e o n T V an d I wa s s o fascinated. The fac t tha t i t was a woman wh o wa s righting wrong s an d playing the hero . See , my generation wa s on th e cus p o f th e heroine. M y mother' s generatio n burne d bra s fo r freedo m while women fou r o r more years younger seemed to grow up with al l the goo d heroines a s role models. Min e were Wonder Woman and the Wonder Twins. I needed a heroine with more substance, one that stood for more than Truth, Justice, and the American Way I needed a heroine tha t stood for justice in its purest form. Xena and Gabrielle filled that void. They allowed me to see that it's not alway s cut and dry; that life is black and white, with lots of grey in between; that your principles, your "honor" dictate what is right and what is wrong and you stand by it, no matter what the obstacle is. I know that sounds really geeky that I learned this from a television show, but where else was I to learn this? Not my mother, trust me! 4. Who is your favorite character and why?

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As much as I was rooting for Gabrielle (my personal fave), the winner was Xena by a landslide. However, she had just under twice as many votes

as Gabrielle,

whereas in the questionnaire in 1997, she had over three times the votes. Looks like our Gabby is moving up in the world. Others answered that the pair (i.e. both Xena and Gabrielle) was their favorite, and votes also went to Ares, Alti, Callisto, Lao Ma, and yes, Joxer:

Xena. I tend to identify with her more, although I'm hardly anything lik e her. I thin k I admir e he r abilit y to reac h decision s quickly, her fighting skills, her intelligence, her self-reliance and confidence, her inhuman awareness of the physical surroundings (such as her abilit y to sens e the presence of gods), her physical strength and her aura of power and her ability to find unique and creative solution s t o problems . I like her dark , brooding side , which came to light most ofte n whe n she was confronted with her past. I also liked seeing her feral side, which showed up most often in battle. She really enjoyed what she was doing! Xena was my hero. She was the one I looked up to, just like Liz Friedman said once: "Hercules is the hero we hope is out there. Xena is the her o we hope i s inside us. " But Gabrielle was the one that I identified wit h more becaus e I was walking alon g with her for six years. I was in her shoes. I witnessed her transformation fro m a girl in Poteidaia to a warrior, and alongside with her transformation my transformation occurred as well. Ares, definitely. Kevin Smith is an amazing actor and it's difficult to mak e the go d of war sympathetic bu t h e did s o quite

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often. I didn't even like him i n the beginning because he just seemed so ... smarmy , but he evolved into one of the greatest characters I'v e eve r seen . I thin k hi s turnin g poin t wa s "Looking Death in the Eye" or "Livia" because when Xena died and staye d "dead" for 25 years, he finally knew how much sh e meant to him. Fro m that poin t on , nothing Are s says or does makes any sense unless you believe he truly loves her, which I think he does. It would be Xena/Gabby. I can't choose between them because I see them a s a unit, there can be no Xena without Gabb y and no Gabby without Xena. They complement each other beautifully, s o I reall y can't choose . (I f I had t o choos e th e hottes t character I would choos e Virgil. I've had the biggest crush o n him eve r since he first appeared. He's my boyfriend you know — he just doesn't know it yet.) This is a very difficult questio n and I don't think I can give you a direct answer, because various aspects of the characters make them specia l and endearing . I love Xena, for her strengt h an d courage, and her ability to overcome her "damaged past." Her fighting skills are inspiring and I have always wanted to be like her. Gabrielle, however, provides a sensitive counterpart . Sh e adds "heart" to Xena' s often violent , no-nonsens e demeanor . The combinatio n o f the tw o create s a perfect balance ; where one fails , th e othe r find s he r strength . Finally , I hav e always been attracted to Joxer. Although his character is often silly , he is an honest representation of a hero wannabe, which, on some level, I think we all are. Xena fans can identify with his love for the warrior princess and her sidekick.

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Joxer, because I identify with him . I suffered fro m bullyin g a t school and still do not have many friends in real life. Some fans of Joxer speculate that he may have Asperger Syndrome, a mild form o f autism. Xena. Everyone in their lives has an inner demon that sits close to their hear t and it is the battle with that demo n tha t makes you the hero or the villain. Do you give in, or fight? I wish I had a friend like Xena — the wit, the fun, and your own persona l bodyguard. Gabrielle is my favorite character becaus e sh e is the best per son on e ca n drea m abou t havin g as a friend. He r sweetness, her humbleness , an d he r courag e ar e just some o f the won derful qualitie s I love about her. Besides, I'm als o a bard an d even if I don't hav e the chance to study in the Royal Academy of Performing Bards, I hope t o become a famous playwright like sh e wa s i n "Whe n Fate s Collide. " I als o lov e Gabriell e because even if she isn't very tall, she has proven that the highest goal s ca n b e reached , no t becaus e o f you r height , bu t because of your heart. Xena. The reason why is that we were able to see the imperfect side of her. Her dark side. The side we all have and deny exists to all but ourselves in the deepest darkness of the night, if then. Xena was able to incorporate he r dark side to add substance t o the light side and make a whole "human" ou t o f it. You didn't walk away from th e show without knowin g the price she paid for he r dark side, yet when the situatio n calle d for it, she was willing to pay that price to make a stand.

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Renee O'Connor at the Pasadena 20O1 convention. (Photo by Amy J. Putnam)

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0. What is your favorite episode and why? In the first questionnaire, the overwhelming

winner

was "A Day in the Life," followed by "Destiny." Even though fans now had the entire six seasons to look back on, I was not surprised to see that "A Day in the Life" still held its own. It came in as a tie for the winner along with "One Against An Army," for the heartfelt declaration of Xena's love to Gabrielle. Other favorites included "Sins of the Past" (now that the show is over fans were getting nostalgic), "The Deliverer," "Been There, Done That," "The Bitter Suite" (which still gets my vote), "The Price," and "When Fates Collide." There were many other one-vote shows, but these episodes garnered the most. (And, of course, there were many people who started listing off several, as you will see. It's X:WP, after all; how could you possibly pick only one episode?)

My favorite episod e is "Sins o f the Past. " It was the beginnin g and represented the unknown; a lifelong journey that was just beginning. It was the start of two separate lives joining, only in the end to fulfill thei r destin y together. I'll say "One Against An Army" although I really can't pick just one. But that episode has my all-time favorite fight scene combined with some great interaction between Xena and Gabrielle . I shoul d watc h tha t figh t scen e ever y tim e I don' t fee l lik e working out. It's a great motivator .

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"Sins of the Past" because it set the standard. I f you give me a second choice , then "Mortal Beloved" ; and a third, "Between the Lines." If you give me a 6/th, I'd be pleased to ramble on. And of course, as with so many of us, the rankings change from day to day, and from mornin g to evening. Easy. "A Day in the Life. " I still laugh at that show. We all know that whe n yo u spen d to o muc h tim e wit h anothe r huma n being, no matter how much you love them, they do get on your nerves! I love how the producers and writers allowed Xena and Gabrielle to be human, especially in that episode.

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Anything wit h Hudso n Leick , Aliso n Bruce , an d Clair e Stansfield in it! But seriously, I would have to say that "Hooves and Harlots " was my favorite fo r the longest time. "Is There a Doctor i n the House? " and "On e Against An Army" for their intensity. The n cam e the whol e Indi a ar c an d th e subjec t of reincarnated souls , so "Between the Lines" became my favorite. I wasn' t overl y fond o f "Adventure s in th e Si n Trade " (bot h parts) when it was first shown only because it was so differen t from episode s past. But then afte r a while, I reall y started t o enjoy it , especiall y the music . As far a s comedies, that woul d have to be , "In Sicknes s an d I n Hell " just because o f Renee's performance in it. But I would have to say my all-time favorite episode of the whole series, the one I watch over and over again is "When Fate s Collide" because I think i t is such a well done episode and how I wished the serie s would have ended there, instead of the ending we got. My favorite episod e is the on e tha t reveale d to m e that Xena: Warrior Princess wa s abou t mor e tha n cleavag e an d swor d fights, which was its media image. The name of that episode is "Return of CaUisto." In both "Callisto" and "Return of Callisto," I saw underneath th e action and adventur e was a story abou t internal struggles as well as outward ones. How one chooses to deal with injustice s and crueltie s fro m other s an d th e conse quences of those choices were explored in these episodes. Will we hate and seek revenge, the common path, or will we take the lesser traveled path and choose to love and forgive ? If I hav e t o choos e rn y favorit e episod e fro m seaso n on e through six, I would say it was ... well... Can I only pick one

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episode or could I say I love season one . . . and two . . . and three . .. and who wouldn't lov e season four . . . and five and six and . .. Why did the show have to end?! Sniff, sniff . No w I have to go get a Kleenex! 6. What is your least favorite episode and why (if it's the last one, skip to the last question)? Not surprisingly, a lot of people skipped to the last question. But even more people thought "Married With Fishsticks" was the worst episode. A few said they didn't have a least favorite, while other episodes that got several votes included "Lyre, Lyre, Hearts on Fire," "Soul Possession" for its many inconsistencies, "Lifeblood," "Who's Gurkhan?," and "King Con" for making Xena act uncharacteristically. Season five was a sore spot for a lot of people, and a few mentioned they hated the India arc. It's interesting that most of the episodes chosen were from the last three seasons; when I did the first questionnaire, most people answered that they didn't have a least favorite, and those who opted to answer the question did so carefully.

"King Con. " Hateabl e supportin g characters , excessiv e vio lence, unrealistic characterization , unorigina l plot , poorl y acted. The only plus point i s that it doesn't have Tara in it. "Soul Possession. " Jus t badly mad e an d sloppy . It is suppose d to answer the question o f how Gabby got out o f the lava pit in

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season three but obviousl y the person who wrote it never saw the episode and made numerous errors. "Married wit h Fishsticks. " I've neve r bee n fon d o f th e over sized, slapsticky humor th e show indulged i n on occasion and I hate th e Joxer-bashing . Th e moments in which Joxe r acte d nobly were erratically ignored by the powers that be (and consistently ignored by Gabrielle) whenever they wanted to go for low humor. I think Joxer should have been given a nobler alte r ego — and, if that sho w was supposed to be Gabrielle' s subconscious acknowledgmen t o f Joxer's better nature , it shoul d have signaled a change in the way she treated him . The las t one , fo r sure . Although othe r one s tha t anno y m e include the usual list — "Married with Fishsticks," "Ulysses," all the crappy ones from season five. The season included episodes that were just badly written, episode s that put distanc e (liter ally and figuratively) between our protagonists, episodes where the writers made Xena and Gabrielle act in stupidly uncharacteristic ways. Oh, and "The Way" really annoyed me too. My least favorite episode is "Heart o f Darkness." Oh, boy, I'm not eve n sur e I want t o talk about this because i t makes my blood boil ! The main reaso n I didn't like it is that Xen a was totally an d utterl y immoral . Regardles s of whethe r Lucife r would have become corrupt o n his own or not, Xena was the one who pushe d hi m ove r the edge . That's wrong. She took an angel (and eve n if he wasn't a n angel, he was a good per son) an d helpe d hi m becom e evil . That' s no t wha t Xen a stands for!

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I reall y hate d th e whol e rif t series , but th e wors t wa s "Th e Deliverer," when Gabrielle is raped by Dahak. "Soul Possession " I didn't like . I t mad e n o sens e because we had discovere d earlie r tha t Daha k save d Hop e an d Ga b bu t "Soul Possession " said that Ares did. And all through i t when she should have had the old chakram she had the new one. Too many inconsistencies. 7. Are you a subtext fan? If so, explain when you first noticed it. If not, what do you think about the subtext issue? There were twice as many fans of the lesbian subtext as non-subtext fans, which was the same ratio as the last time. A few were indifferent, but even if they didn't like the subtext idea, most people agreed it certainly was there (whereas with the earlier questionnaire, those who didn't like it said it didn't exist). Also, rightfully so, many fans argued that it wasn't actually subtext any longer, but was one of the main themes of the show in the sixth season. Those who didn't like the subtext felt that the writers were suggesting a woman couldn't have a serious, deep, loving relationship with another woman that wasn't a lesbian attraction. Others said that they, as lesbians, didn't like the subtext because it wasn't very serious, and if the writers had seriously respected gay relationships, it should have been main text all the way through instead of teasing the audience. And still others maintained there was no

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sexual relationship, and that the two characters were very close friends. As for where they first noticed the subtext, people answered that they saw it in "Callisto," "Thee Quest," "The Greater Good," and "Is There A Doctor in the House?" the first time. Others didn't notice it on the show until they read about it on Web sites or in fan fiction stories, and then they began to pick up on it when they watched X:WP. And many answered that they'd noticed it from the very first look shared between Gabrielle and Xena,

Absolutely. The friend who introduced me to the series told me about th e subtext , and befor e I actually started watching the show, I read fan fiction that portrayed Xena and Gabriell e as lovers. By the time I saw my first episode, I was fully prepared to spot the subtext. You bet I'm a subtext fan! Is it even a "subtext" anymore, truly? It's alway s been mai n tex t t o me . I' m no t sur e when I first really noticed it , probably from the beginning, in a subtle way anyway. Maybe I didn't think abou t it as much fro m th e very start. The Xena/Gabrielle relationship was always the heart of the show for me, though, however you chose to define it. Well, I would have to say I enjoyed it when it was there and I thought it funn y tha t th e powers that be purposely pu t i t in there just to yank our chains , but I am not al l that gung-h o about it. Yes, I saw it in many episodes — I even saw it in th e first episode I watched ("The Titans"). While the whole debate of "are they or aren't they" was interesting when it first came

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(Artwork by Jeanette Atwood)

about, i t the n go t t o b e annoyin g afte r a while. I personall y don't care if they are or aren't but I do believe there was a kind of love there that I had never seen before between two women and I simply adored the whole concept . Am not, and — as with Scully and Mulder — found the introduction o f sexua l overtone s a regrettable adulteratio n o f th e concept of True Friendship. I believe the subtext has been there since very early in the first season, on on e level or another , the episod e "Prometheus" being a prime example. However, I am not the typical subtext fan. I love watching for subtext, because to m e the subtext is a demonstration o f how close these two individuals are . However , I do no t believe they are lovers. I believe their relationship, as friends, has brought them so close together that they need no one else. In my eyes it is especially important that two people, who have no sexual ties, can still have a relationship that is so strong that nothing can separate them.

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I think that two women can have a close personal relationship that is based purely on friendship and moral support. Because women are emotional creatures , unlike men, it is easier for us to expres s love for each other as sisters do . Close friends can be just that. It has been mentione d i n interview s tha t onc e the producers became aware of the large lesbian audienc e they had attracted , they admi t tha t the y starte d playin g t o it . Bu t tha t doesn' t explain how they "accidentally" attracted the lesbian audience in the first place. There is one possibility that occurre d to me when Lucy Lawless mentioned in an interview that there were lesbians o n th e fil m crew . Considering that Luc y is a bit o f a ham (an d I say that with the utmost affection) , I could see her responding with more of the sam e if she were to ge t positive reinforcement. So if the members of the film crew were oohing and aahing over the Xena and Gabrielle interactions, and that's the only feedback the actors had to go on at the time, it's possible that Lucy and Renee started playing to that audience. I guess subtext is cool because it gives X: WP an edge over other shows. But, sometimes I feel that a lot of people and the media focus to o muc h o n th e subtex t an d forge t abou t everythin g else. There's a lot mor e t o th e sho w than jus t th e subtext . I know fo r a lot o f people th e "ar e the y friend s . .. are they lovers?" factor i s the mai n thin g and that' s wher e the subtex t comes i n an d spark s some seriou s debates, but I think thei r relationship transcends all that. To me, it isn't one or the other — it's somethin g els e altogether; it' s different . I don't have a word to describe their friendship/relationship but , to me, their

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relationship i s like the apex of a triangle that rises above its two extremes. On e thin g I' m sur e o f i s that there' s a lo t o f lov e there. I thin k th e wa y the producers/directors/writer s hav e handled the subtext is brilliant because you can interpret it any way you want. They let you make that choice . I like that. It's a pretty smar t mov e becaus e tha t wa y they don' t alienat e an y section of the audience. I first became awar e of subtext throug h the fan fiction. At first I though t i t was a rather strang e notion, sinc e I would neve r have imagine d suc h a motivatio n fo r a dee p friendshi p between tw o women. Bu t the mor e I read an d th e mor e th e writers played to the lesbian and lesbian-friendly audience, the more acceptin g I became o f the idea . (I t helped tha t the best fan fictio n was being written by those folks who saw Xena and Gabrielle a s a couple. ) No w I thin k o f the m a s friend s an d lovers, soul mates throughout eternity . I am not much of a subtext fan. If the producers of Xena mean t the Xena-Gabrielle relationship t o be a fact, they should hav e portrayed it as unambiguously as they portrayed heterosexual relationships. I am also not a subtext fan because of how Xena has treated Gabrielle . Oh yes , I sa w it i n th e firs t episod e I watche d ("Th e Xen a Scrolls"). Mostly due t o th e flashbacks , especiall y the stirrin g one from "I s There a Doctor i n the House?" That's wha t kep t me tuning in for more week after week. But I think it was there from th e ver y beginning, wit h th e unmistakabl e twinkl e i n Lucy's eye . I t evolve d naturall y fro m th e chemistr y o f th e

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actresses and the interplay of their characters. But it was with "The Quest " that I knew they really "meant" it . It was really there and not just in our fevere d imaginations . And that the y took it seriously. 3. This question is for th& subtext fans: what do you think are the best episodes for subtext and why? While certain episodes were mentioned over and over, I believe fans might have listed every single episode in this question. Proving, as I said the last time, that if you're looking for it, it's everywhere. The episodes that got the most votes were "Is There a Doctor in the House?," "A Day in the Life," "When Fates Collide," "One Against An Army," "Been There, Done That," the Ring Trilogy, "Heart of Darkness," and "The Quest."

"The Quest" Subtext really turns into the main text. The subtext really became main text for me in "One Against An Army," "Fins, Femmes and Gems," and "When In Rome." All of these episode s reall y too k th e relationshi p head-on , statin g emphatically that although one or both of them couldn't really say the words "I love you in that way," their looks, mannerism s and body language could. How many people are willing to just stop living if a friend dies ? Even under a fishing spell, Xena said the things she wanted to but because of her stoicism, couldn't . In "When in Rome," we hear Xena asking the rhetorical question, "How many times are you going to follow me into battle ,

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and ho w man y time s a m I going t o hur t you? " It was never u p t o her , regardles s of how young and innocen t she sa w Gabrielle a s being. Gabrielle i s exactl y wher e she want s t o b e simpl y because she loves Xena. The warrior ha d give n he r ample opportunit y t o g o and mak e another safe r lif e without her , bu t th e bar d always chos e he r ow n pat h — to walk with the warrior. Renee O'Connor as Janice Covington in "The Xena Scrolls." (Artwork by Emma Tonge)

"One Agains t An Army" — Pure love between the char acters throughou t th e entir e episode. I doub t you'l l fin d a lis t withou t thi s episod e o n it . "Friend i n Need " — eve n Luc y said the y oute d th e character . Those two episodes had love between Xena and Gabrielle running all through it, spoken and unspoken. And then there's the kiss ... "A Day in the Life " — tell me they weren't married ! "Many Happ y Returns, " when Xen a looks a t he r breast s an d tells the man "These ar e spoken for." "One Agains t An Army " You see ther e th e dept h o f Xena' s commitment t o Gabrielle — she would abandon Greece to the

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Persians fo r Gabrielle . Gabrielle , o n th e othe r hand , i s th e strong one . She won't let Xena abandon her principles for her and keeps her o n track. Here they act very much as a couple, complementing eac h other's strength s and compensatin g for each other's weaknesses. "Paradise Found." One of the most erotic things I've ever seen on television, full of Freudian symbolism. The look of longing on Xena's face is haunting, as it was when she heartbreakingly said goodbye to Gabrielle in "Return of Callisto." "When Fate s Collide„" It wa s very powerful an d showe d th e love and friendship the ladies shared. I've watched that episode many times and it made my heart swell. 9. What was your favorite aspect about the relationship between Xena and Gabirielle? In the original questionnaire, the question was, "What would you like to see happen with the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle?" It's great to read those answers in hindsight now, so I wanted to include some examples here. Remember, when people were filling out the original they had only seen up to "The Deliverer" or "Gabrielle's Hope":

I reall y just wan t t o hea r Xen a tell Gabriell e sh e loves her. I think Xena needs to say it to Gabrielle in any capacity. But I do believe they are in love and are soul mates.

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I would love to see the relationship move from subtext to main text. I' m no t sayin g I want t o se e them jum p eac h othe r o n national television, but there's only so much innuendo you can do, and we've got three more seasons to get through! I would like Gabrielle to grow up a little bit more, for Xena to realize that she is not a child or an imbecile, and let any romantic feelings which they might have for each other develo p ou t of an equal mutual respect for one another . I would als o like to see it challenged an d redefined as a result of some conflict between them. Ultimately resulting in a much stronger friendship tha n previously existed. That last one just makes you go "oooh," doesn't it? For this questionnaire, I altered the question. The majority of people responded that it was the fact they would do anything for each other, that they were soul mates who would stay together, even in death. They enjoyed the realness of the relationship, that they fought things through to come to a conclusion, that there was a trust and a love between the two, and that the friendship really evolved in a realistic manner over the years. Overall, people loved that Xena and Gabrielle were two strong women who were both role models in their own way, and that they refused to be victims:

Seeing two women who are very different bring out the best in each other, that the y complement eac h other i n ever y way — both halves of the same whole — is very enriching. The y have

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their disagreements , misunderstandings, an d trials by fire bu t still return to each other because they know it is exactly where they should be and want to be. The wa y they ca n alway s tell eac h othe r anything , lik e ho w much the y love each other — I envy that because I have trouble telling the people close to me how much I love them. They always loo k ou t fo r eac h other , an d i t neve r matter s t o Gabrielle that Xen a always gets all the credi t fo r thei r heroi c deeds becaus e sh e loves Xena too much . The y teach m e a lot about people ; I neve r kne w people coul d b e s o clos e until I watched Xena. Simply amazing! The whole concept of yin-yang, two people of opposite personalities comin g togethe r an d building a stron g and deep friendship that surpassed timelines and lifetimes just blew me away. One person, so dark with self-loathing yet trying to redee m herself, and anothe r s o full o f light an d energ y helping anyon e sh e could , sometime s t o a fault , comin g together fo r thi s grea t adventure . Watchin g the m gro w t o become more like each other was just wonderful — Gabrielle becoming a fighte r an d Xen a wantin g peac e instea d o f vengeance and power. My favorite aspect of the Xena/Gab relationship wa s their ultimate love and loyalty to each other through a multitude of dire circumstances — a knowingness tha t neede d n o words . And sweetly, Gabby realized that Xena wasn't the lovey-dovey type, but appreciate d th e time s th e Warrio r Princes s showe d sh e cared. I' m no t talkin g abou t th e big lifesaving moments, but

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the littl e Solstic e gif t memorie s an d th e priceles s Sapph o poetry birthday gift . That they were friends no matter what , even through the terrible times. "The Bitter Suite" is an excellent episode to illustrat e this. I t say s to me , if your lov e for anothe r perso n i s true, all obstacles can be overcome if forgiveness is there. The way they supported eac h other through i t all, the way they would fight and even die for each other, and maybe most of all the wa y they eac h taugh t th e othe r s o much an d influence d each other , for good . They complemented eac h other an d b y being together, each of them cam e to find more of the other i n herself. It had always been there, but now it was being brought to the surface. Xena became more in touch with her emotional, peaceful, loving, creative side, and Gabby learned to access and channel her anger, power, and strategy and have confidence in her own strength. It wasn't about either of them becoming the other, but about them both becoming more complete and balanced and whole . The fact that they care about eac h other enough to die for one another and that, in spite of their personality differences, the y understand an d respec t eac h other . The y symboliz e th e idea l friendship. They were soul mates undeniably and you never had to know if they were lovers or not; it was always just the facts about how they fel t an d who they were. They just complete d eac h othe r and it was refreshing t o see such a bond between two people.

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My favorite aspect is that even in death Xena would never leave Gabrielle. f O. Oo you fifce or hate J&xer? Please &xpiaiin yonur response. When I asked this question on the first questionnaire I had seen many Joxer wars break out on the mailing lists; in fact, on one list you weren't allowed to use the words Gabrielle and Joxer in the same sentence, and if you did mention He Who Must Not Be Named, you had to spell it J****. People worried that his love for Gabrielle would threaten the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle, and hated his role as the consummate bumbler. Now, four years later, people saw what he did for them. They realized that he loved Gabrielle no matter what, that he was always there to help even if he did come off as being stupid and clutzy, we saw him grow old, still telling his children about his two heroines, and, of course, we saw him die heroically at the hands of Xena's own daughter. In the first instance, half the respondents loved him, while the other half either hated, disliked, or were completely ambivalent about him. This time, about 75% of the respondents loved him, about 5% hated him, and the rest said they just wished he wasn't around as often, or that their feelings for Joxer depended on the episode. Many admitted that they disliked him until the elderly Joxer appeared. Interestingly, many respondents — both who disliked and loved him — complained that the writers were never

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fair to him, and should have given him more credit than to make him look stupid all the time. They wished they'd made the character a little

more realistic. That

said, he definitely grew on people by the end. Sure, the Joxer wars still rage on, and probably always will, but for those of us like me who always had a soft spot for the guy, it's nice to see that his character changed in a positive way.

At the beginning I hated Joxer, mainly because I saw him a s a threat. I was so scared that th e writers would become desper The guy who made Joxer ate and have him end up with a lovable buffoon, Ted Raimi. Gabby, bu t the n h e gre w o n (Photo by Ellen Filler) me. I looked forwar d t o every episode that Joxe r was in. I t was really cruel when the y killed him off . The show was missing a very big piece in it. I alway s though t Joxe r go t a bu m rap . His fierc e lov e fo r Gabrielle an d loyalt y to both he r an d Xen a were never really acknowledged until his death — and he was portrayed as a fool even in that episode . He was shown as an idiot s o much of the

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time tha t i t wa s easie r t o sympathiz e wit h Gabrielle' s (an d everyone else's ) exasperatio n tha n i t wa s to understan d wh y Xena befriended him. His occasional moments o f intelligence made one long for the powers that be to humanize him instead of simply using him as a low-humor plot device. I like him. I have always felt sympath y for losers. I love him. Most guys would like to be Here or Autolycus but most of us are really Joxer (or if we're lucky, lolaus). I love him as the underdog and the way he transforms into a tragic character, an old man wh o searche d for his friends fo r years, took care of Argo until she died, asking his children, so sadly, if they would like to hear a story about the Warrior Princess. Joxer is the most real and human characte r to me. Unlike Xena and Gabriell e (i n m y humble opinion) , h e neve r underwen t unbelievable character changes , never became hard an d cyni cal, and never stopped being who he was when the show began. Yes, he grew , but h e neve r stoppe d bein g Joxer . And I neve r would hav e wanted hi m t o b e anythin g else . Joxer was funn y and sweet, and many of us related to him an d his struggles to be loved and accepted. I only wish he had been explored more. I can't stand him , probably because my pet peeve is ignoranc e and h e i s the embodimen t o f it. I just don't understan d ho w someone can be such a bumbling idio t — even if it is a show. Unapologetically, I liked the character Joxer. Everyone wants to identify wit h Xen a ari d Gabrielle , wh o b y all standards were

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exceptional i n almos t ever y way. If you too k on e o f us , an d actually pu t u s i n Xena' s violent , life-threatenin g world , w e would undoubtedly be more like Joxer than Xena or Gabrielle. There are many reasons why I was fond of Joxer, one of which is that though Joxer was afraid, an d no t particularl y gifted, h e never let his fears o r limitations defin e him , or stop him fro m pursuing hi s dreams . H e chos e t o identif y wit h Xen a an d Gabrielle a s righteou s warrior s an d suppor t thei r mission , which was to help others in defense of what is good and right . I enjoyed the comi c relief that Joxe r brought t o the show , the love of a brother to Xena, and the recurrent them e o f his un requited love for Gabrielle. I never really hated Joxer but I did find him annoying occasionally. Although great for comic relief, his bumbling got overdone at times , I thought . However , I wa s surprise d a t m y reactio n when I found myself crying when he died at the hands of Eve. I didn't think I would reac t that way so I guess I liked him mor e than I thought I did, and then I missed him when he was gone! My momma tol d m e that i f you don't have something nice to say about someone you should say nothing a t all. However . .. I didn' t reall y min d hi m a t al l tha t muc h unti l h e starte d mooning over Gab. That was unacceptable and just wrong. We were only saddled with him (o r ham) in the first place as supposed "comic relief " when h e face d unemploymen t afte r th e merciful cancellatio n o f Spielberg' s awfu l underwate r Star Trek: The Next Generation rip-off series (seaQuest) an d because his brothe r wa s th e executiv e produce r o f Xena. Hi s futur e career is now assured as the new Clint Howard .

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Ted Raimi and Ted Omundson (Eli) entertain the audience at a convention cabaret. (Photo by Amy J. Putnam)

I didn't like him a t first , becaus e I found hi m annoying . For some strange reason I always thought o f him a s a threat to the Xena an d Gabriell e relationship, but tha t feelin g disappeare d

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with th e fift h season . He began t o gro w on m e an d "Eterna l Bonds" (hated by many subtexters) was one of my favorites of the fifth season. Joxer was a good gu y and he had th e heart of a lion. He was a true frien d t o Xena and Gabrielle . I like him. Those who hate him generally see him as a threat to Xena an d Gabrielle' s relationship . Joxe r is no threat . H e ma y love Gabrielle, but Ga b only has eye s for Xena. Joxer has pro vided many great moments, and not all are comedic either. Ted Raimi plays him with such tenderness and dignity that, frankly, is a joy to watch . I fee l rathe r ambivalen t towar d th e characte r simpl y because although h e ha d man y admirabl e qualities , Joxe r wa s simply misused an d no t fleshe d ou t properly . H e ende d u p bein g either a plot device or a comedic foil , neither o f which helped to mak e hi m anythin g bu t one-dimensional . An d that' s to o bad because Ted Raimi is a very talented actor . I loved Joxer. He represented all the geek s in high schoo l wh o wanted to make it with the cool kids. Joxer had heart. He tried to b e somethin g h e wasn't an d someho w h e mad e i t work. I always fel t ba d tha t Joxe r an d Gabriell e woul d neve r ge t together, for Joxer's sake. I like Joxer. He is the most devoted friend anyone could ask for and I think he is underestimated. Also when I look at him I see me. I see myself striving to be liked an d accepted b y the "pop ular" kids (i n this cas e represented b y Xena and Gabby) . I' m glad he got what he wanted i n the end: to die a hero.

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11. What do you think was the best technical aspect of the show {writing, acting, music, directing, etc.j? The hands-down

winner was

the acting. People

thought that while the writing may have slipped occasionally, the actors on the show — and especially Lucy and Renee — handled every challenge with grace and excellent acting. Other favorites were the music and the writing, with some people voting for the costumes, editing, and direction (the results were almost identical to those of the original questionnaire). And of course, several people responded that you can't just vote for one thing; the show was such a success because of every element coming together in such an amazing way.

Virtually ever y aspec t wa s excellent . I f you'r e goin g t o limi t strictly to one: Lucy Lawless seems to me the most impressiv e actress in the history of television. Not t o tak e anything awa y from th e actors , who di d a n out standing job , but Joe LoDuca' s musi c had to be the bes t technical aspec t o f th e series . I t i s incredibl y movin g an d greatly enhanced the show. I think the writing remaine d th e strongest aspec t of the show. It all begins with a good script. While it is impossible for every episode t o be completely spectacular , the writin g was consistently good. Towards the end of the series, it seemed as though the writers were running ou t o f ideas. Even the final e seeme d

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like a repetition of the Chin episodes. Nonetheless, the charac ters were complex, an d evolve d ove r the cours e o f the series . The writing was very strong. I think that the entire technical staff deserve s loud applause. If asked to pick one, I would choose editing. It takes skill, vision, and guts to make the final decisions/cuts, which then air for all to see . Considering how man y people's vision s precede these decisions (writers , directors, musicians, actors , etc.) i t takes a strong person to put the period a t the end and call it the fina l work of art. I think the acting was probably the best attribute o f the show. The actors meshed well and their abilities were outstanding for such a diverse selection o f characters. A great actor ca n make up for poor writing. There were so many great technical aspects of the show. I think that th e writing was wonderful. The writers took u s on a sixseason journey that was at times sad, exciting, or funny. The y kept us interested enough to make us anxiously await the next episode. I also loved the music . To this day, I can listen to Th e Bitter Suite CD, and be in tears by the end . The music move d my soul, and when I hear it, it takes me back to the moment in the show for which it was written. Every aspect was good. The acting of the tw o leads was most of the tim e outstanding . The n there' s th e music . Joseph LoDuca created a wonderful and fitting music for the show. The costumes were beautiful, just think of episodes like "The Debt," "Friend in

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Need," or the whole India arc. Ngila Dickson and Jane Holland did a wonderfu l job. Th e directin g wa s great : Ole y Sassone' s direction o f "The Debt " an d "Th e Bitte r Suite " was amazing. Renee O'Conno r als o di d a grea t job wit h "Dej a V u Al l Over Again" and "Dangerous Prey. " And last but not least the writing , without which we would never have had this wonderful show. I believe the show went through cycle s of what was best about it. Sometime s th e musi c wa s the bes t othe r time s i t wa s the directing and so on. The writing. I think Xena i s the mos t quotabl e sho w there'l l ever be. 112. Have you ever haft any encounters with any off the cast or crew of the showy? Tell us about it. Most of the people hadn't had the fortune of meeting one of the stars, but those who did generally met them at conventions or at events surrounding conventions. But unlike the last time, several people had stories of celebrity encounters outside the conventions . . .

Well, I've gone to almost 10 cons now, and I can't get enough of them; meetin g an d hearin g fro m th e star s i s definitel y a big highlight. I've neve r ha d a ba d experienc e wit h a Xena cas t member; the y hav e all gone abov e an d beyon d i n relatin g t o their fan s an d bein g down-to-earth , respectful , an d informa tive. Sinc e I'v e started attendin g sci-f i con s i n genera l I'v e

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noticed that the Xena star s always tend to be great to their fan s but som e stars from othe r sci-f i show s often aren't . I' m prou d of th e kin d o f peopl e wh o hav e been involve d wit h X:WP as they represen t th e sho w an d th e fando m s o well. Most o f the stars are really fans themselves, so they understand where we're coming from , an d don' t thin k we'r e dorks for caring so much and investin g s o muc h o f ourselve s i n a show . An d som e o f them, most notably Hudson, Claire , and Alex, also get very into the subtex t issu e themselves an d aren' t afrai d t o pla y aroun d with and celebrate it, and also relate to their lesbian fan s abou t it. Hudson is a terrible flir t as well, with people o f all genders. I e-mailed Adrienne once and got a response ! Naturall y I was surprise d sh e answere d her ow n mai l s o I hav e i t saved in my scrapbook! I me t Kevi n Smit h tw o year s ago i n Pasaden a a t a celebrit y breakfast. H e wa s ver y easy going an d affable . W e spen t some tim e talkin g abou t m y penchant fo r wearing a fedora. I discovered both our sons were wrestling fanatics , too . I wa s wearing a Chyna shirt while he was wearing0 a Stone Cold one. He reall y is one o f the nices t men I've ever met.

Kevin Smith, in one of his many wrestlingT-shirts.

(Photo b y Ellen Filler)

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I met Hudso n Leic k in August 2000 i n Toronto , Canada. She was amazing . Sh e wa s funny , sincere , kin d an d caring . Sh e really cares about her fans and even remembers many of them. She isn't afraid t o get close and personal with her public . I emailed Renee's mother whe n Creation scheduled the Valley Forge conventio n nea r m y hom e i n Pennsylvania . I simpl y asked her i f I could b e of any assistance whe n sh e and Renee were in town. She told me that she would appreciate it if I could set up a table for Renee's fan club and mailed club informatio n and such to me. I created a little display and had it all prepared for he r appearance on Sunday. When I saw her greeting fans at the table I walked over and introduced myself. I received a wonderful hu g an d thank s for my efforts. I didn't han g around as she was so busy (and had a young lady helping her with the flyers an d autographs) , but wa s happy to se e that al l was going smoothly. A few weeks later I received a very nice surprise in the mail. Renee had written a note of thanks on her picture in the Texa s magazin e which he r Mo m forwarde d to me . All I could think was how warm and genuinely nice these folks were. I've met Karl Urban a couple of times. The most personalityrevealing momen t wit h Kar l was during a signing session . I t was held in a very small, very hot room, and you could see that the hea t wa s getting t o th e guests . At one point a n assistan t arrived with a small cooling fa n that wa s placed behind Karl . He instantly turned around an d fiddled with the base so that it provided a fixe d flow , solel y aime d a t Hudso n Leick . It jus t made me think "What a nice guy." The most physically revealing moment was when he appeared on stage wearing just a pair

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of briefs , a skimp y dres s o f Hudson's hangin g fro m hi s neck, and a big black boa. All for charity , of course. I ha d a n excitin g encounte r with Kevi n Sorbo . I liv e o n Maui, and work in a fine jewelry store righ t nex t to a well known restaurant . On e eve ning i n Marc h 2001 , Kevin Sorbo an d hi s wif e strolle d through ou r stor e afte r thei r dinner. H e wa s talle r tha n I imagined, and very quiet an d peaceful. I was speechless, but found my voice enough to say Karl Urban in Santa Monica, hello. I wanted to talk to him, 1999. (Photo by Amy J. Putnam) and tel l hi m ho w muc h I loved Hercules an d Xena, bu t felt i t wa s no t appropriat e whil e I wa s working. H e wa s o n vacation, an d I wante d t o respec t hi s privacy . I t i s a grea t moment i n my life that I will never forget. Now I am just waiting for Lucy to stroll through. I don't know if I would be able to contain myself if she did! I never me t any , but whe n I lived in Katy , Texas, I met Rene e O'Connor's next-doo r neighbor, which happened to be her best friend's mother . She showed me the invitation to Renee's wedding an d di d m e th e favo r o f takin g m y favorit e picture o f

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Renee and had Renee sign it for me! She also brought m e rose petals from the wedding, which I still have, and a fan, which was given away as a memento o f the wedding. I also went to the high school she graduated fro m and took copies of her yearbook. Well, s o fa r I hav e bee n t o ever y annua l conventio n tha t Creation ha s put ou t and I have to say meeting MommaRO C was a highlight o f it all. What a warm, kind, and lovely soul she is! And, of course, meeting Lucy Lawless in person and finding out tha t yes , those bab y blues were her own , wa s absolutel y wonderful! I als o foun d Luc y to b e extremel y generou s an d kind t o her fans . At that first convention sh e seemed to really care abou t u s an d wha t w e had t o sa y about wha t th e sho w meant to us. I will never forget her eyes and the expression on her fac e a s she looked directl y at me (whe n I said those same lame word s everyon e says , " I love you r show!" ) an d sh e responded wit h a deeply felt, "Than k you " that didn' t sound fake or ful l o f boredom. Early on, I met Renee at her very first autographing session — an ice cream party for children at Threadgill's, and my reaction was that she really was Gabrielle. At a Xena convention , I got to meet several of the actors. Willa O'Neill wa s friendl y and sweet . Sh e signe d autograph s an d took pictures in a small annex. When I had m y picture taken with her, I praised her for saying nice things about Ted Raimi, who get s a lot o f flak that h e doesn' t deserve . On on e o f th e nights, Jeremy Callaghan was the onl y actor who stayed until everyone who wanted an autograph got one from him . He was

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sweet, an d m y friend s an d I thanke d hi m fo r staying . H e responded wit h a bi g smile . Durin g anothe r signing , Willa, Alison Wall , an d Eboni e Smit h chatte d wit h m e abou t m y Aphrodite costume. They were so nice. Yes. I've been t o thre e of the Chariot s o f War conventions i n England, an d hav e met Hudso n Leick , Te d Raimi, Adrienne Wilkinson, Karl Urban, Tim Omundson , Pari s Jefferson, an d William Gregor y Lee. I've danced with Hudson, told Tim that I hated El i so much that I wanted to shove Gabrielle's staf f u p his butt, helped a lost Te d and Kar l through the maz e of th e Radisson Edwardian Hotel, made a new and wonderful friend , and hav e had som e of the bes t time s o f my life. The y are all such genuine and friendly people, and I have a real admiration and affectio n fo r them. And I have never before see n a person scare the cra p out o f so many people just by standing on th e stage, as Hudson did . You could powe r the Nationa l Gri d off the electricity that woman generates! 13. Did you also watch Hercules? Did You think one show was better than the ©flter? Why ©r why not? So you send a questionnaire to several Xena lists, ask them about another show and ask which one was better? It'll come as no surprise that everyone said X:WP was the better show, or that they were both good

shows

(although when I did the last questionnaire one very brave person answered that Here was the better show). Many people answered that Hercules was for children, and Xena

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\A/as the most adult-oriented show. Most watched the crossover episodes, but not Hercules on its own. The reason they either didn't watch Hercules or had stopped watching it was not because of the writing or acting, but simply that the character didn't have any flaws, and they were tired of male superheroes. This first response pretty much summed up the general feeling of the respondents.

I used to watch Hercules, but not a s regularly or devotedly, and I wasn't really a part of any specifically Hercules fandom online. Here was more of a sidenote. It was an okay show, but I don't think i t eve r achieve d th e sam e greatnes s tha t X:WP di d (although i t ha d som e terrifi c moments ) o r ha d th e sam e impact, culturall y o r even individually. Th e story of Here and lolaus was just not as compelling t o me because it was the sort of stor y we've al l heard an d see n before s o man y times, th e archetypal hero and his journey, blah blah blah. The big strong guy saving people from baddies. Xena was much more original and interestin g because you had a hero who was flawed, wh o had a dark side, and who battled her own inner demons as well as external ones. It had a real psychological and emotional level to it that people found they could relate to, probably more than they could relate to a boringly good hero like Here who almost never did anything bad or felt bad about himself. Also, the relationship betwee n Here an d lolau s wasn' t hal f as powerful o r exciting a s the on e betwee n Xena an d Gabrielle . In general , Hercules as a show also did not go into the more intense, complex, and dar k areas that X:WP did, especially since it seemed to be more aime d a t the kids sometimes . Hercules was entertaining to watch, but it didn't make me think and feel as much

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Kevin Sorbo with Michael Hurst in Pasadena, January 2OOO. (Photo by Amy J. Putnam)

as Xena did , o r no t i n th e sam e way anyway. I couldn't relate much o f it to my own life, for sure, and not just because I'm a woman an d the y were men. Hercules jus t neve r capture d m y imagination th e wa y Xena did . It didn' t soa r t o th e sam e heights that Xena did , or even aspire to, it seemed. I thin k I watche d Hercules onc e wit h m y kids . The y weren' t impressed, sayin g the show was too "goody-two-shoes" an d that the special effects tende d to be cheesy. I agreed. I think it' s hard to identif y wit h someon e wh o i s always good, always does th e

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JCJEIU/l

Michael Hurst. (Photo by Ellen Filler)

right thing , an d alway s wins the day. The character of Xena is a flawe d one . She' s con stantly fighting her darker side, the sid e tha t act s aggressivel y first and think s logically after wards. Hercules was already a fully realize d character , wit h little growth in the many years it wa s o n television . Xena, however, continue d t o gro w and expand, delving into many controversial subject s o f th e day. Although Xena had man y skills, th e viewe r watche d he r battle inne r demons , mak e mistakes, error s i n judgment , and fai l a t bein g th e selfles s hero. Sh e wa s huma n an d therefore approachable.

Both shows where the result of a lot of hard work by very creative people. X: WP was my favorite as I was drawn to the strong female characters an d thei r relationship . However , I watche d ever y episode of Hercules and enjoyed them tremendously. So, I wouldn't say one was better than the other, just different . I liked Hercules. His relationship with lolau s was a lot o f fun, but wit h non e o f th e sexua l tensio n yo u go t fro m Xena. I enjoyed their humorous shows, and some of the serious ones.

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14. What ©flier television? ^ftows

do

jf®H

watefi? The overwhelming favorite was Buffy Slayer

(ah, Xena

favorites

fans

have

great

included ER, all of the

the Vampire

taste!).

Other

Star Trek series,

Friends, Frasier, Law & Order, Dark Angel, Sheena, Smallville . . . and just about every other show on television

(hey, we

need something else now

that

Xena's gone!):

I watche d La w & Order throug h mos t o f th e 1990 5 (whil e Steven Hil l presided); i n the past year I've discovere d Buffy th e Vampire Slayer. And whe n Luc y di d a gues t spot , I bega n watching Th e Simpsons. ... Roswell, Angel,Buffy th e Vampire Slayer, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, ER... . . . Crossing Jordan, Scrubs, 24, The West Wing, Law & Order, Friends, Survivor, Charmed, CSI, ER, Law & Order: SVU, Saturday Night Live, Sex and the City, Pasadena, Law & Order: Criminal Intent... ... X-Files, Witchblade ... Buffy! I think Buffy is wonderfully written , an d amon g othe r things, Jos s Whedon is another god; in my opinion he is pure genius. Having openly gay characters is also a plus; no subtext there! Definitel y main text i n this series .

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One o f my other primary obsessions besides Xena i s Buffy th e Vampire Slayer. I go t hooke d o n Buffy a while afte r I di d o n Xena, but now I adore it to no end . Joss Whedon also doesn't ever let me down th e way Rob Tapert and Co . sometimes di d — it's a much more consistently good show. I like a lot of the post-Xena actio n chick shows too, especially Witchblade, Alias, and Dark Angel. Even Cleopatra 2525 was a lot of fun, I was disappointed that it got cancelled . NYPD Blue, The Practice, ER, Seventh Heaven, West Wing, an d Politically Incorrect. I've also been a Trekkie for over thirty years. None. I don't have the passion and the drive to watch any other TV show anymore after Xena. I have begun watching Buffy, ER , and Friends. I don't watch them as religiously as I did Xena, but I had to move on somehow. There are others?!? 15. Do you consider yourself a hardcore mint ball or just a fan of the show/? Hardcore nutballs are the people who can quote from any episode, can answer Xena trivia questions without blinking, who wallpaper their rooms with posters of anything related to the show, who follow every one of Lucy's interviews, who own T-shirts, mugs, chakram earrings . . . well, you get the picture. About 80% of the people who responded said they were hardcore nut-

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ARE YOU A LITTLE TOO

HARDCORE A NUTBALL

(Artwork by Jeanette Atwood)

balls (or HCNBs), 12% said they were somewhere in between, and 8% said they were just fans, and were now moving on.

[From a Finnish fan] I'm both! I've made my master's thesis on Xena an d th e mytholog y o n th e show . I got s o great a grade that no w I' m a post-graduat e studen t studyin g heroe s an d heroines i n actio n films , books , etc . I'v e als o spoke n abou t Xena on the national radio station and my thesis has been the basis of an articl e on Xena i n on e o f the mai n newspaper s in

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XEIVA

Finland. On the other hand, Xena is not the only interest in my life but I love the themes on the show anyway. I've got myself a Xena mu g and a wall calendar for 2002. My friends bought me a Xena T-shir t for my graduation. I conside r mysel f a fan o f th e sho w an d o f Rene e an d Lucy. My co-workers , family , an d friend s probabl y conside r m e a nutball! Not quite a hardcore nutball, using the IT jargon, I'm more of a "firmcore" nutball. I consider myself a hardcore nutball. I don't think this is determined b y ho w lon g you'v e bee n watchin g o r ho w muc h merchandise you own. A love for a hero is much more internal than that . Medium core nut. I purchased Xena's chakram at the show end auction but I haven't been to any conventions and I don't dress up as Xena on Halloween . I would say a hardcore nutball but I know there are people out there fa r more extrem e than I am. My weakness is merchandise. I'm sur e the fac t that I have several of my own Gabriell e costumes qualifies me for hardcore nutballdom . Hardcore all the way. I promoted mysel f up from mer e Xenite after completin g a series of tasks, which included : going t o a convention, puttin g u p a Xena We b site , completin g a 15 episode Xenathon, reading more than 50 0 fan fiction stories ,

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and continuing t o learn Ancient Greek . I really knew I'd fallen over the precipice when I noticed tha t I' d starte d to measure time b y "how man y Xena episode s I coul d hav e watched i n that period." Well, lookin g aroun d m y compute r room , I'v e got th e wall s covered with Xena autographs , posters , hats , shirts , an d cards , and in the bookshelves are game cards, collector cards and anything else Xena, . .. I think I am well past the fan stage. 16.What attracts you to stay on the Xena listserves/mailing lists that you are on? Tell us about your online expe-

riences What sets Xena mailing lists apart from those of other television shows or actors is the family atmosphere that exists on all of them, with people divulging personal

information

about

their

lives,

and

other

subscribers rallying around them to help out. I've seen Xenites become very ill and others on the list rounding up get-well wishes, even though they've never actually met the person face to face. Others have passed away and the members of the list mourn that person as if he or she were a family member. When answering this question, most of the responses included the friendship and camaraderie that exists among Xenites, the updates about the actors now that the show is off the air, and the fan fiction that continues to send Xena and Gabrielle on many adventures even though the show is

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over. The mailing lists are continuing even though the show is over, and on one you can find "Virtual Season 7," where fan fiction writers are continuing the show as if it never ended. If you're going through serious Xena withdrawal, these are the places where you need to be:

It's grea t to interact with other s of like mind who really enjoy the show, the actors, and its overall impact. I can't tell you how many good friends I'v e met onlin e and then gon e on to meet in person . We'v e bee n throug h triumph s an d adversit y together, alway s ther e whe n w e nee d eac h other . I kno w s o many online friends that have gone on to meet not only friends and lovers but long-term romantic partners, myself included. The finale produced th e most commentar y I'v e ever committe d myself to , an d i t generate d th e longes t threa d I'v e ever bee n involved in. But that isn' t unexpected , considering how controversial the episode is. I've never been involved in a flame war, but I tend to moderate my comments so that it won't happen to me, or at least I hope not. I've had the opportunity to have discussions with many people I never thought I would, so the mailing list s have been interesting, thus far. The listserves have provided views on episode s I ma y neve r hav e considere d an d hav e give n m e knowledge about issues in the show that I might not have looked up for myself. The main reason I stay on, I think, is that the lists have provided information of a varied nature and they keep me in touch with the fandom. Right now that is most important t o me. Most of the lists I'm on contain like-minded people who share a common bond — love for the warrior princess and her bard.

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(Artwork by Jeanette Atwood)

I don't really chat. I read th e fa n fiction, and I always make a point to feed the bards! It's just cool to know there are so many people ou t there who were captured b y this TV show. And for most o f us, it became more than just characters on the screen. The show and the characters inspired us. Some folks write sto ries, other s rea d th e stories , som e wer e move d t o giv e t o charities, some strive to better themselves, some just found the courage to go online and reach out to someone with a common bond, and mayb e found a friend. It's a pretty powerfu l thing, and it touches so many people. I'm proud to be part of it. Ever since I got the Internet last May I have been a more active Xena fa n tha n ever . There ar e s o many sites , so many people involved i n th e Xenavers e that i t is amazing. And I intend t o stay right where I am because I think that Xena stil l has a lot more life in her, so I'm no t goin g to let her go. I've just joined the Xenacentro . We ar e th e one s wh o translat e th e Virtua l Season episode s from Englis h to Spanis h so they may reach a wider audience. And I have to say that my experience there has been amazing. Everyone is friendly and respectful towards you;

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although they don't know you they treat you like family. That's what we are in the Xenaverse: one big family, and I'm not goin g anywhere anytime soon . Melissa Good' s writing. Th e "pups" are a n eclecti c bunch o f people from all walks of life, al l sorts of life experiences , an d who genuinel y care for each other. My online experienc e with this grou p has been very satisfactory, especially when there is acrimony and it needs to be dealt with. Information. Loads and loads of it — about the show, the cast, the crew , upcoming events , fan experiences with the stars, different viewpoints of fans from all over the world, and a chance to express my own point o f view. I stay on the mailing lists so that I can keep up with what is going on in the Xenaverse. I don't have time to check out various Web sites (Whoosh! being my favorite) an d having direct mail come to me is great. Plus, I have found that the Xena fan s are some of the best people I have ever met. I have met many people, face to-face, fro m bein g online eithe r fro m cha t room s o r mailin g lists an d i t continue s t o amaz e m e ho w kin d an d wonderful these peopl e are . I have been a Trekkie (o r i s it Trekker? ) fo r many years but have never met fellow Trekkies/ers that can even compare to fellow Xenites. Anything I have ever needed regarding th e sho w (o r othe r show s fo r tha t matter) , whethe r i t b e cards, tapes, music, or pictures — there is always some Xenite out there willing to help! They are simply THE BEST! I've had so much fun meeting and interacting with fellow fans ,

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another reason I love cons, and a big reason I participate in the online fando m — Web sites, mailing lists, chatrooms (notabl y the Xen a Palace). Because of Xena, I hav e met s o many incredible people from al l over the world that I probably would no t have met otherwise ! I have found tha t on the whole, Xenites , the hardcor e kind s anyway , ten d t o b e amazin g peopl e — smart, funny , unique , supportiv e people . They'r e als o a sur prisingly divers e bunch , unite d i n thei r lov e fo r th e sho w and/or the stars. Xena fandom tends to seem very female-dominated sometime s bu t ther e ar e many men as well, and peopl e of all sexual orientations, which is great! For once I feel like I'm surrounded b y people a lot lik e me , especiall y quee r wome n (I'm bisexual). Even straight guys can relate to me through ou r mutual Xena obsession . (O r obsessio n wit h Hudso n Leick , as the cas e ma y sometime s be. ) I'v e als o turne d som e o f m y friends on to Xena and introduced them to the online fan community, whic h ha s i n tur n le d the m t o meetin g othe r coo l people. It's been a great ride, a real adventure, and on e that I don't want to end simply because the sho w is not goin g to be on the air anymore . The incredibl e mixtur e o f talent s an d intelligenc e o f th e lis t members. The depth an d qualit y of analysis on Chakra m was amazing: membershi p an d participatio n i n tha t lis t shoul d have rated some college level credits. I like the discussions o n the lists. I made a lot of friends through mailing lists and even met a few of them personally. Sometimes someone knows news that i s interesting or sometime s you get inside knowledg e o f the shootin g proces s o f episodes , like o n

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one of Missy Good's lists . Thanks to the lists I was able to fin d generous people who recorded episode s for me, because I don't like dubbe d episode s an d her e i n German y the y du b every thing. Besides, here we don't even have the sixth season yet. The people. You have good and bad times with anything in life. Same wit h online , yo u canno t judg e everythin g o n on e ba d experience. I have seen people pull together fro m al l over th e planet and pray for a stranger, a name they see on a screen, but have never seen the face . I have seen people come together fo r charities, donate d tim e an d mone y because the y car e for th e people in need an d for Ms. Lawless and Ms. O'Connor. Some of th e fa n fictio n ou t ther e ca n bea t 90 % o f th e writer s ou t there professionally . They write fo r the lov e o f the character s and for themselves. I have seen people laugh, cry, yell, and fin d the love s o f their lives. S o all in all, it has been a n incredible experience for me. I have never in my life thought I could tal k to a person from Australia, Germany, etc. These are Xena Fans. 117. Do you react or write any of the fan fiction? Iff so, what do you tike most ahout it? As with many sci-fi/fantasy shows, many viewers have picked up the pen (or bought a word processor) and begun writing their own fiction. Characters move in directions the writers of X:WP could never imagine, and the fans love it. Fan fiction is a place where you can see Gabrielle and Xena as explicit lovers, or Gabrielle and Joxer, or Ares and Xena, or Joxer and Ares, or whatever

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you could possibly imagine. The characters of Xena and Gabrielle take on different names, and show up in different centuries. Some stories are incredibly serious and dramatic, while others are laugh-out-loud hilarious (just like the show itself). Fans always say that the sad thing about fan fiction is that it doesn't end up as a real episode on television, but all that changed when Missy Good, fan fiction writer extraordinaire, suddenly got a call from Steven Sears, who told her to call Rob Tapert and write a script for him (see page 151). This is the sort of thing fans dream of — that the powers that be actually notice what the fans want and encourage it — and the rest is history. For this questionnaire, about 60% of the respondents said they regularly read fan fiction, and about 5% were writers themselves. The remainder said they didn't read it. Of those who read it, they said they liked the chance to read something that hadn't been vetted by the producers, and they loved the alternative pairings and romances that

blossomed

among unlikely characters:

I read and write fan fiction, yes. I like to see where others are willing to take the characters. Sometimes a bard will flesh out a scene and make the whole episode riche r an d easie r understood wit h their insights. Other times the writer will see a pattern in a whole season or the whole run of the show that wasn't easily seen at first glance. It's a joy to see the characters grow in their relationshi p in alternative fiction . It's very rewarding an d affirmin g t o se e two loving people who car e for and honor eac h other, are willing to go to any lengths t o protect the other , an d have a deep, abidin g

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romantic love . That the y ar e both wome n i s really beside th e point. I think that's why most viewers aren't turned off by "subtext," becaus e th e actresse s an d character s hav e transcende d labels, leavin g onl y pur e an d timeles s lov e behind. That' s a n important lesson. I wrote tw o stories, whic h ar e online, an d at the moment I' m working o n a third one . I love readin g alternativ e fa n fictio n and iibe r storie s [thes e ar e storie s where , like i n "Th e Xen a Scrolls," the characters have the essenc e of Xena and Gabrielle, but ofte n hav e differen t name s an d th e storie s aren' t se t i n Ancient Greece] . I think fan fictio n i s great, because you ca n write what you would have never seen on the show itself. I like the storie s in whic h Xena and Gabriell e are shown a s a committed couple. Nope. Neve r have (althoug h I di d tr y once , but couldn' t ge t through th e whol e story ) an d neve r will . I a m a fa n o f th e show, no t othe r peopl e wh o writ e storie s abou t th e show . I know these authors ar e very talented an d I praise Missy Good for gettin g a couple of her storie s made into episodes , but fo r the most part, I have no desire, personally, to read any of it. I do not rea d as much fa n fiction as I did before. Bat Morda is my ultimate favorite . What I loved abou t wel l written fa n fiction was that I felt tha t i t was like watching the show . I loved reading them ove r reruns and th e summe r break. That way I did no t mis s Xena s o much. I also liked ho w subtex t wa s no more, and their relationship came about in all of its glory. I am starting to write some stories now, and I absolutely love it. It

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gives me the chance to put dow n in paper my favorite characters in situations create d by me. I feel amaze d when I do, and when I realize how much I know their ever y move and thei r train o f thought. It als o make s me realiz e how much I trul y miss them. Through my writing I keep them alive. I usually don't read fan fiction becaus e too muc h o f it is subtext-friendly an d it' s har d t o fin d a goo d stor y tha t simpl y portrays them as friends. I love fan fiction. It has a potentially huge advantage over completely origina l stories give n that n o tim e need s to b e spen t establishing th e mai n characters . Th e emotiona l connectio n we have with th e character s can easil y be exploite d int o anything the writer wants, and with no need to follow it up, some truly inventive stories can arise. I prefer alternativ e fan fictio n as it is more in tune with what I believe to be the true essence of the show . Also it tends to be more original, given that i t is, by definition , doing somethin g tha t can' t b e don e o n TV . I tried writing once, but I ran out of euphemisms . 18. hAVE you

EVER been to

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as

conventions, few tests, JWe©iw Mix Xena nights, etc.? If s«iv how was it? If? One of the reasons why fans of sci-fi/fantasy shows are so passionate about them is because of the immediacy of the shows. In no other medium can you regularly meet the stars, talk to the producers, or get

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together with like-minded fans (so far, I haven't seen any Ally McBeal or ER conventions). Conventions, fanrun Xenafests, and parties where Xenites get together have become one of the most important aspects of the show. Of the people who responded that they had gone to an event, most had been to at least one Creation convention and several fan-run ones. Those who hadn't been to a convention generally responded that they lived in a country where conventions weren't held. And many respondents referred me back to their answers to question #12:

They've always been great fun an d totall y enjoyable. I've been to thre e larg e conventions , one in Sant a Monic a an d tw o in Pasadena. I've also been to a fan-driven smaller convention i n Vancouver, Canada , too . I pla n o n goin g t o th e Bardco n i n Chicago thi s April . Wheneve r a bunc h o f fan s ge t together , whether it is to honor someon e lik e Missy Good or writers at large, I'll try my best to be there. I have been to a Xenafest and several conventions, not to mention I a m a membe r o f a loca l Xena fa n clu b an d atten d get-togethers quit e often . I enjo y these thing s t o th e fullest . They are social outlets and it's always a very comfortable feel ing being around fello w Xenites. Oh, have I been t o conventions ! I'v e been t o fou r Xena con ventions. I started off as a shy fan who knew no one and ended up dressin g a s Gabriell e an d attendin g th e co n wit h many , many new friends. I am really going to miss that aspect o f the

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Lucy is delighted by a Xena look-alike at one of her first conventions in 1997. (Photo by Wendy Sparks)

show whe n th e convention s stop . I hav e als o gon e t o DragonCon dresse d as Gabrielle and go t a big response ther e as well. I just lov e bein g i n a n environmen t wher e everyone around you is a fan. It's lik e goin g int o anothe r worl d an d i t really is hard to go back to real life afterwards . I've been t o a couple o f conventions i n London . I t was fasci nating t o se e the divers e demographics o f fans . Bu t th e bes t part was meeting the actors, and being pleasantly surprised by how nice they all are.

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XEISiA

Yes, to a Xena conventio n i n Helsinki in summe r 2000. It was great! We were about 4 0 people i n a n ol d movi e theate r an d met others and watched episodes for 24 hours. IF 9. Do you think Xena is a good role modiel for children, or do you think the show Ss inappropriate ftoo violent, aduit materialj for younger viewers? On no other question were the answers as split as they were on this one. Forty percent of voters thought it was a good show for children, 30% thought it was inappropriate and should

be kept away from children, and 30%

answered that it completely depended on the episode. In the previous questionnaire, only about 5% of those who responded thought it was

inappropriate. X:WP has

become a very different show since season three. Some cited the graphic nature of some scenes in seasons four through six, others thought the children wouldn't get the inside jokes and would be confused. Many people said that the show wasn't nearly as violent as some of the videogames kids play, and some offered ages where it would be appropriate (i.e. 14 and older, 10 and older, etc.) Overall, even those who said it was a good show for children suggested an adult should watch the show with them to explain anything

they couldn't understand.

However, as with the first questionnaire, even those who thought that X:WP was a little too violent and inappropriate for younger viewers thought that Xena and Gabrielle were both good role models, especially for young girls.

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THE QUILL I S IVUGHYiEK

Yes, I think Xena i s a good role model fo r children , especially girls. However, I didn't let my children watch some episodes on their first run because of the violence ("The Bitter Suite," "Ides of March, " t o nam e a couple ) an d th e theme s ("Materna l Instincts"). The premise of the sho w began by depicting a strong woman with flaws who learned to put th e greater good abov e all She was honorable , ha d a stron g sens e o f duty , ha d strengt h o f character, and alway s tried to d o the right thing. However, by the time the third season rolled around I don't think the show was aimed a t children any more. Darker subject s cam e to th e fore; ther e wer e mor e violen t scene s tha t wer e depicte d i n graphic detail — al l very troubling t o youn g children, i n m y opinion. Whe n th e sho w began t o cente r o n th e personalit y flaws of bot h Xen a and Gabriell e and go t awa y from simpl y showing Xena as being the hero that always wins, that is when it stopped being a kid's show. Honestly I don' t thin k Xena i s suitabl e fo r children . Th e episodes are sometimes very brutal and hard to watch, even for me. I was shocked when I watched "Friend in Need," because I thought of the children who were seeing their hero decapitated and hanged from a tree. I once watched "The Way" with my nyear-old niec e an d sh e looked awa y the whol e time , because she was afraid o f the demon s an d horrified when Xena's arms got chopped off. The thing that Xena coul d teach children was that there ca n als o be a strong love between two women an d that women are strong too.

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(Artwork by Patricia Parker)

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H/HGHTiER

I'm 1 6 and I started watching the show when I was 10, so I have to sa y that Xena i s somewhat o f a family show. I've watched it for year s and I'm no t a violent or troubled person . If anything I've gotten positive things from th e show. It has helped me tap into m y imaginatio n an d star t relationship s wit h peopl e I would have never met i f not fo r the show. I think Xena is a good role model for anyone — young, old, or in between . I'v e neve r bee n int o an y kin d o f censorship . I believe tha t i f a chil d i s too youn g fo r a certai n typ e o f T V show, the materia l will simply go over his or her head. I think the important thin g is not to censor what kids see or hear, but rather to discuss their reactions with them. Television can be a very good teaching tool if you take advantage of it. I think many episodes should no t b e watched by young chil dren. I'v e complaine d t o a coupl e o f station s fo r showin g episodes like "The Deliverer " and "Gabrielle's Hope" at 7 a.m., among children' s cartoons . Whe n yo u hav e episode s dealin g with rape and infanticid e it's too disturbin g fo r young people who ar e unaware of the issues . And for younger children who don't understand what is happening, it can be even worse. Considering what i s on th e nightl y news and wha t happene d on Septembe r n, 2001, on liv e TV, no, I do no t thin k Xena i s too violent. It does have adult themes, but I think its best value is teaching us that two women do not need men to take care of them no r defen d them ; tha t tw o wome n ca n b e ver y clos e friends o r lovers or whatever you think the y are, and the y do not nee d a man to fulfil l them .

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2O. Why do you think that Xena: Warrior Princess is so popular? As with question #2, this question brought out a myriad of responses. The most popular answer was that Xena is a show with strong female role models, and that a female superhero was relatively new to television at the time (since then we've had Buffy, Nikita, Alias, Dark Angel). Others mentioned the subtext, the fact that X:WP was a reflection of real life, the acting, Xena's flaws, the subtext, Lucy and Renee, and every aspect of the show coming together flawlessly.

I believ e Xena i s so popular becaus e it ha s inspire d s o many people t o improv e thei r lo t i n lif e b y dealin g with universa l themes o f love, forgiveness, redemption, friendship , mistakes, and hope. It's unique. It's a show in which two women are the heroes who kick ass , defend th e underdog , an d battl e thei r ow n demons . The characters are larger than life , yet they're als o very human and fallible, and we watch them struggle and grow and change and lear n throughou t th e cours e o f the series . The tw o stars share a wonderfu l onscree n chemistry , an d it' s difficult t o imagine anyon e othe r tha n Luc y and Rene e pullin g of f th e roles so well. I was born in 1942 and didn't have many female role models to inspire me. I'm sur e they were out there, but the y just weren't in the public eye. I didn't even have a TV until the 19505 and we

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all know the kind of entertainment far e that aired then. Finally, when I reached my 5051 found this incredible fictional creature and her partner wh o walk/ride through mythologica l territo ries no t onl y fendin g fo r themselves , bu t als o savin g other s with thei r wi t an d bravery . How can that no t appeal to mos t women? I know that ever y fan out ther e has her/his own personal ti e t o th e rhyth m an d messag e o f th e show . I t ofte n speaks to something inside you that you can't immediately put into words. You only know that you've been touched o n som e level and that's what art is all about. "It's the relationship, stupid." Something we kept repeating like a mantra durin g the disastrou s fifth season. Lucy and Renee' s palpable chemistry , th e subtext . It' s reall y on e o f th e grea t romantic, epic love stories of all time. I thin k tha t th e serie s is postmodern s o it' s easie r to follow . There are also lots of interesting reference s t o popular cultur e itself an d t o man y mythologies. Mythologies are the basi s for storytelling, I think. Because Xena was the first "human" hero i n a long time. She had good days and bad days. Everything didn't always work out for her. And even she made bad decisions from tim e to time. It was how she dealt with the m tha t mad e the differenc e in how popular the show was. The show brought a new concept t o ou r generatio n that ha d never been explore d before: A true female hero . Xena was th e first female actio n her o i n th e histor y o f American televisio n

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who di d not depen d o n an y men t o be strong. She was independent in every way. She had Gabrielle, but Gabrielle brought nourishment t o a side of her that was very much needed. And the fac t tha t Xena admitted tha t onl y made her stronge r and more admirable. Xena, however, did not depen d o n Gabrielle to kick butt or to get focused on any given situation. When she was in warrior mode, she became a warrior in ever y sense of the word . She was flawless. That , combined wit h th e greatest characters an d storie s eve r tol d (Gree k Mythology), made a very winning combination! 21. What cfffff you think of the final episode? I knew I was getting into touchy territory with this question, but had no idea what an emotional can of worms I would open by asking it. Fans were torn by the controversial "Friend in Need" episode. About 3O% of those who responded declared that they hated it, 20% loved it, and the remainder had mixed feelings about it and still hadn't resolved the ending in their minds. I remember watching it and being torn myself, completely numbed by the ending. The night it first aired the mailing lists lit up like I hadn't seen before, and the fights and flame wars began. Some people loved it and thought it was absolutely beautiful. Some hated it and swore off the entire series. But over time, people have come to resolutions in their own mind: for some, they pretend "Friend in Need" never happened, that the show had ended with "When Fates Collide,"

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"Soul Possession," or "Many Happy Returns." Others enjoyed the show and thought it was a satisfactory way to end the series. Still others pray for a movie where things will be resolved in a way that's more conducive to what the fans want. And just about everyone dug out their

seasons one through six tapes and

watched the whole adventure again.

I hated it . I know there are people out ther e that thin k it's fitting because of the "live by the sword, die by the sword" credo, but i t actually physically hurt fo r me to watch it. Since I knew from spoiler s that sh e died (an d thank goodness I did, other wise it would have been even worse, being unprepared for that ending), I taped i t an d watche d i t a few days later. I couldn't stand more tha n five minutes a t a time s o I kept pausing and stopping th e tape . I t took m e fou r hour s t o finish the whol e thing because it was so difficult fo r me to watch. Even knowing what wa s goin g t o happen , I wa s stil l hopin g everyon e was wrong an d sh e would com e bac k a t th e end , especiall y since they left it so wide open that Akemi could have lied about Xena having to sta y dead. As a season finale, this woul d hav e been interesting. As a series finale, this was hugely disappointing and untrue to th e entir e six years of the series . As far as I am con cerned, the series ended with "Soul Possession." I loved it. I thought i t was incredibly well done. I don't min d the fact that she died although I thought th e reason was a little weak. I though t the y coul d hav e mad e i t a reaso n tha t wa s more personal to her or to the audience. Bu t other than that I thought it looked great and Renee O'Connor wa s a standout t o

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me. I'm a Lucy fan first and foremost but Renee stole the show for m e this time. I enjoyed the final episode very much, up until the last 10 minutes. If Xena had com e back to life her desecration would have been bearable. But, to leave her dead , beheaded, and used as a pincushion wa s a n atrocity . Sh e had live d throug h s o muc h and tried so hard to make right her past sins Xen a deserved to live to a ripe old age and di e old and gra y with Gabrielle at her side. I've had a hard time answering this question. At first I felt bitterly disappointed. No w I find it painful enoug h that I haven't watched i t more than a couple o f times. There was a sense of profound loss , due in part to the knowledge that this was the very last episode and Xena would never get out o f this scrape. The production value s are superb and Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor ar e excellent, but it was the second part of the finale that took the heart out of me. Other than the Rift episodes, this is probabl y th e mos t controversia l an d polarizin g se t o f episodes th e sho w ha s eve r done . I t i s alread y reverberating throughout th e fando m an d wil l likely continue t o d o s o for some time. I have spent a lot of time thinking abou t the show itself, my reaction to it , and th e reactio n o f other fan s t o it . I think i t was a show with so many conflicts an d complication s that it will take me a long time to sort it all out. It was beautiful, ye t ugly; complex ye t simple. I t ha d hug e plot hole s tha t have mad e i t difficul t fo r m e t o ignor e o r reaso n away . Th e ending left m e with feeling s abou t the sho w that I have never had before ; I feel a t odds with th e show , which i s uncomfort-

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able. If nothing else , Rob Tapert manage d t o mak e a memo rable ending, however much som e of us may like or not like it. First of all I really think i t was beautifully filmed and th e act ing was just superb, especially Renee O'Connor's. But it was the worst final e a television show can have. I was disturbed by the fact tha t i t wa s nothing mor e tha n a chea p rip-of f o f a very good movie called A Chinese Ghost Story. In my opinion Xena and Gabriell e deserve d bette r tha n t o b e squeeze d int o a n already existin g story . The reaso n fo r Xen a staying dead wa s totally unbelievable, because she didn't kill the 40,000 villagers intentionally; i t wa s lik e Gabriell e said , a terribl e accident . "Friend in Need" goes against anything the show tried to tell us for si x years, that yo u ca n be redeeme d b y doing good . Xena said herself : "D o good , the n you'l l b e good. " Th e messag e "Friend i n Need " sen t was : yo u ca n neve r redee m yoursel f except b y death . S o why didn't Xen a just kil l herself bac k i n "Sins o f the Past" ? I hate the fac t tha t Xena and Gabriell e are separated. The end wit h Gabriell e alone o n th e boa t wa s the hardest thing I've ever had to watch and I hated every moment of it. The director's cu t of "Friend in Need" clears some things up, but doesn' t mak e it an y easier to watch the episod e and I definitely wil l never , eve r watch i t again . My personal serie s ender is "Many Happy Returns" with Xena and Gabrielle flying into the sunset. I found the final e very moving and beautiful, it made me cry a lot (it still does actually), and although I didn't want Xena to die any more than the rest of the fans I have to say that I loved it. Of course I want a Xena movi e to bring Xena back to life , but I' d

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rather hav e this kin d o f final e tha n on e tha t didn' t mov e me . "Friend in Need" is definitely an unforgettable episode. I understand the fans' anger and frustration, and I agree with them i n some things, but I think they'v e gotte n very violent an d offen sive towards Rob Tapert and the rest of the cas t and cre w and I think that in that way we are not going to get anywhere. Besides, I think the last episode had a lot more depth than a lot of people realize; we see Gabrielle's abilitie s as a warrior at their mos t glorious, Xena' s redemptio n a t it s highes t point , an d mos t importantly, the love between Xena and Gabrielle at its fullest . An abomination . A tota l miscalculation . I t disrespecte d th e show, th e characters , an d th e fans , eve n i f ther e wer e a fe w memorable, transcenden t moments . It' s no t s o much tha t h e killed her, but the ugly, unforgivable way he did it. A mere man was Xena's demise after all . A rip-off o f obscure foreign films, Xena deserve d somethin g mor e original . Now , i f the y coul d have invited Lao Ma to reappear as a "ghost" in a return visit to Chin that would have been a satisfying, worthy, full-circle journey that would have had resonance for both Xena and Gabrielle. I have watched it 30 times. And eac h time it doesn't fee l real. I found it very moving. It was beautifully filmed an d superbly acted by Renee and Lucy, and the ending was absolutely heartwrenching. I manage d t o fin d hop e i n th e endin g b y remembering tha t Xen a an d Gabriell e coul d neve r trul y b e separated, and that Gabrielle could look forward with absolute certainty t o seein g he r belove d Xen a again , whethe r i n th e afterlife o r in their next incarnation together .

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THE QUILL IS

H/H^HTiEK

I hated it; I hated that they killed Xena like an animal and allowed her soul mate to find her beheaded. To me, it was a bad decisio n and one they didn't have to make. They could have had them leave together and allow the speculation to follow as to what happened to them. Making Gabrielle go on without her was just not right . I was very impressed, actually. The photography, the set designs, the amazin g acting, direction, writing; all of it was just breathtaking. I was pleased that Mr. Tapert stuck to his vision, the vision he alway s attributed t o th e man y Japanese/martial arts movie s he'd see n ove r th e years . Althoug h I' d hav e like d Xen a an d Gabrielle to fly off into th e sunset , much a s they did i n "Many Happy Returns," or rid e off together lookin g for further adven tures a s they di d i n "Whe n Fate s Collide," i t woul d hav e been anti-climactic and no t tru e t o th e characters . However, there is always the chanc e that Xena will return — never say never. And we all know just how permanent deat h is in the Xenaverse. I loved it, yet it made me cry for hours. Of course I didn't want Xena to die but I guess it was the sacrifice she had to make, not to sav e th e 40,00 0 soul s w e didn' t car e about , bu t t o allo w Gabrielle to be a warrior on her own. I know that we, Xenites, would hav e preferred an endin g in which Xen a and Gabriell e walk together towards the sunset, however it's no t abou t wha t we woul d hav e like d bu t abou t Xen a decidin g wha t sh e thought was best for her frien d eve n if deep inside she wanted to stay beside her forever. Here come the tears again . .. The last episode was very emotional fo r me, as I'm sur e it was for everyone . I was sad that it was ending, and o f course upse t

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that Xena chose to die. But the truth is , people in our lives die when we are not read y for the m to . You grieve for your loss, and learn to continue on in your life without them. But we are so lucky that we can watch reruns of Xena, or watch our tapes. We can stil l enjo y th e memorie s an d continu e t o lear n fro m her. How could we have expected anything less from Xena than to giv e up her lif e as the ultimate sacrifice ? 22. If there's anything else you'd Jfflce to add, such as comments about other characters, episodes, or the show itself, please add them here:

Thank you Xena and Gabrielle, you'll be a part of me forever . Even though thi s show was perceived as a show that attracted gay and lesbia n folks, it had it s share of straight fans. I think it helped broaden people's attitudes about what makes a couple and what som e of the citizen s of this country have to d o to get equal rights. I've always had gay and lesbian friends bu t never had a s much o f a connection t o them than I have now. Love is blind, deaf , an d dumb , an d w e should no t condem n those who love, regardless of who it is. I had no problem with Xena and Gabrielle being a couple, and never could figure out why other people did. Trying to match them up with men was against thei r natur e an d wrong , i n m y opinion . I just wan t others t o know that some of us who are straight can be an d are subtex t fan s an d absolutel y enjo y th e subtex t foun d i n each episode.

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I jus t wan t t o than k al l thos e involve d wit h Xena: Warrior Princess for giving us this wonderful show. It was the best show there wa s o n televisio n an d I don' t thin k ther e wil l eve r be another on e like it. It has helped me through som e very hard times an d I don't kno w where I would b e toda y without th e show. I'm especiall y grateful t o Rene e O'Connor, because she helped m e t o figh t m y eating disorder. I was suffering a long time fro m anorexi a an d whe n I saw her o n th e sho w I knew that a woman doesn't have to be waif-like to look good. I began to ea t "normally " agai n an d trie d t o buil d som e muscles . Sometimes ther e wer e som e mino r setbacks , but al l i n al l I think tha t I liv e healthie r now . Becaus e of th e sho w I mad e some wonderful friends wh o will be there a lifetime. Her courag e has change d m y world. And fo r tha t I am mos t grateful. I am a differen t perso n becaus e of wha t Xena has taught me. I a m no t on e t o ge t wrapped up int o an y TV show or movi e character but somethin g i n the Xena serie s really touched m y soul. Th e pur e lov e tha t Gabriell e an d Xen a hav e fo r eac h other, in this life an d those to follow; their quest for doing the "right" thing; th e fac t tha t the y were both stron g an d smar t women ... all those things captivated me. Bravo to the creators of this show — they have touched many of us. Kudos to th e actresse s who playe d Lao Ma, Najara, Ephiny , to Karl Urban' s Caesa r an d Cupi d (tal k abou t goin g fro m on e extreme to another), to Rob's writing and directing on "Destiny" and "Paradise Found" (I'll always thank him fo r those, at least),

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to Kevi n Smith's America n accent , t o Callisto' s single-minde d intensity, to Katharine Fugate and Li z Friedman's rescue of the series with "When Fates Collide" and "Many Happy Returns" in its fina l day s before th e bitte r end . Mos t o f u s conside r thos e episodes as the true finale of the series. I doubt th e writers, producers, and directors actually know the impact this serie s has had o n the viewers. Many have come to grips with their sexuality; others have found the strength to fac e unfortunate incident s i n th e pas t o r ar e currentl y endurin g ones in thei r lives now. There i s now a vast network o f artists that hav e sprun g u p becaus e of thi s sho w — writers , artists , musicians, photographers , We b designers, graphic artists, etc. The list is endless. I doubt ther e has been a show that directl y impacted every demographic there is and still maintains a large fan base . I suppose Star Trek comes close, but I don't think th e positive effect s ar e a s pronounce d a s the y ar e i n X:WP. I'v e never been touched by a television show like this and I doubt I ever wil l b e again . But oh , th e rid e thes e pas t si x years have been! Xena i s my favorit e sho w o f al l time. I t ha s flaws, like everything, thing s tha t I wouldn' t hav e include d an d thing s tha t nobody could'v e don e better . Xena allowe d m e t o ente r thi s world of love, fantasy, and myth, but mostl y love. That was my favorite aspec t o f th e show , th e lov e betwee n Xen a an d Gabrielle. It doesn't matte r i f they are or aren' t gay ; what was important wa s tha t i s wa s abou t love . Th e sho w o f cours e wasn't jus t about that; i t had action , adventure, drama, com edy, i t explored s o many things an d emotion s tha t i t was just

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breathtaking. Above all were the gorgeou s actors who starre d in it, the grea t costumes, and the settings . What's th e result of this combination ? A show tha t won' t be forgotte n because i t left a huge impact o n its fan base. People all around th e world have found in Xena a place to meet people, have fun, and get together to organize charity auctions and events in name of the "Greater Good. " And that' s just amazing . Being a Xenite also allows you to kno w a little bi t mor e abou t ho w other peopl e are, ho w thes e group s o f peopl e tha t ar e ofte n neglecte d b y society are very cool and no t s o different fro m al l of us. In th e Xenaverse we are all a family, a huge family that sticks together till the end , like we are doing now . So what ca n I say? I don't have a dramatic stor y abou t ho w m y lif e wa s turned upside down an d th e sho w helpe d m e tur n i t around , bu t I ca n say that being a part of such wonderful thin g has made me a happier perso n an d ha s brought som e excitemen t t o m y usually dull life. So I want to thank al l the peopl e involved in makin g Xena a reality — Lucy , Renee, Rob, and everyon e else — an d send them m y love. Also there is something I must say , from I think most o f the Xenaverse: WE WANT A MOVIE!

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As I was putting the final touches on this book, the world first heard the terrible news that Kevin Smith, the man who made us love the God of War, had died in a tragic accident in Beijing, China. He had just finished filming a martial arts film there and was about to begin work on his next film with Bruce Willis, what would surely have been his breakout role. He fell several storeys from a building and suffered severe head injuries on February 6, and died on Friday, February 15, 20O2. Fans were devastated, not only because the world had lost such a talented actor and wonderful man, but they

worried

about his family: wife Suzanne, and sons Oscar, 11, Tyrone, 9, and Wiilard, 3. By strange coincidence, the announcement of

Kevin's

death

was

made

at

the

Pasadena 2002 convention, where Kevin was scheduled to appear, and fans were able to mourn together with the stars. At the time of this writing, a trust fund is

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being established for Kevin's family and to help other families of actors who are killed while working. The following are three tributes that appeared immediately after the announcement. The first, by KT, was posted on several Xena mailing lists while she was at the convention, the second was a tribute by Lunacy that she put up on her Web site, and the third is by Missy Good, who

posted her thoughts

upon

returning from the convention. Kevin was always larger than life, on screen and in person, and he'll be missed terribly. M/e Miss You BY KT

Word began to filter in yesterday to those of us at the con about Kevin's death . Mos t o f u s wer e i n transi t an d ha d no t bee n online and so missed the initial notices. And so the first day no one a t th e co n seeme d t o b e awar e o f wha t ha d happened . Later, during the earl y evening, a member o f our Xena grou p called a cyber buddy back home an d foun d out abou t it . She told u s she had been to the New Zealand Herald sit e and read about it there. When we went to the evening performance later that night, some of the people in line were talking about it, quietly among themselves, speaking in very hushed tones. People were sharing the new s with friends , bu t no t reall y making publi c declarations about it. Most people were still unaware of it.

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Kevin flexes for his adoring fans. (Photo by Ellen Filler)

Josie Ryan' s sho w tha t nigh t wa s ver y wel l done , witty , funny, an d thought-provoking . Th e Hudso n an d Clair e show was great. And of course one sits there and thinks about the m having t o se t asid e their grie f t o perfor m an d clow n aroun d and play a part, because as we all know, the code of the trade is that the show must go on. This morning, on that white board in the main hallway of the hotel that we always use for messages at the con, there were comments about Kevin's death and some prayers were written for him there. At the bottom of the board, someone put u p a drawing of

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Kevin as Ares with the words "We miss you" written on it. I heard some people talking about it later and sayin g their first reaction was to wonder if it was a cruel joke that someone was playing. This morning a t the con , Creation pu t notice s on the seats about Kevin's death and this was how many people heard about it. Every year I meet people at cons who are just not on the Xena lists o r eve n onlin e a t all . An d a t tha t tim e ther e wa s n o American new s coverage of i t s o really the onl y way to kno w about i t before thi s was to hav e seen it onlin e o r fro m peopl e who had hear d abou t i t from peopl e who had bee n online. B y early evening, some people sai d they had see n a mention o f it scroll across the CNN news ticker at the bottom of the screen, but that's all I've heard about it so far in the American press media. In th e co n hall , ther e wer e notice s o n th e merchandis e tables tha t al l o f th e proceed s fro m an y Kevi n article s pur chased would be sent to his family . Lucy, Rob, and Josie Ryan [Lucy's sister] donated a basket of flowers that was auctioned off to benefit Kevin's family. I think it was a basket o f flower s tha t Luc y and Ro b had sen t t o th e show to presen t t o Josi e for her performanc e last night . And she donated i t to be auctioned off. I missed the very beginning of the program this morning . The firs t perso n I sa w wh o mentione d Kevi n wa s Willia m Gregory Lee, who expresse d sympathy for Kevin's family. Then a woman who ha d purchase d Te d Raimi's Jett outfit donated i t to be auctioned of f for Kevin's family. She brought it up onstag e and Te d auctioned i t off. I missed the fina l su m on this, but I believe it was near $1,000. Alexandra Tyding s cam e ou t an d expresse d sorro w an d cried a littl e a s sh e talke d abou t Kevin . Sh e brough t th e

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Aphrodite costum e she had taken home with her afte r he r last appearance o n th e sho w an d offere d i t fo r auction . An d sh e asked us, "You think that's all right to do?" She said she realized after sh e opened the bag that sh e had her costum e jewelr y and he r costum e botto m bu t tha t ther e was n o to p i n th e bag. Sh e joked tha t mayb e th e costum e department had thought her costume didn't have a top. Alex's half costume went for about $3,500 . Later Hudson's turn came and she started off by saying how sorry she was, but tha t sh e knew that whereve r Kevin was, he was doing just fine and that it's his family that we need to send our love and support to. And ther e wer e shor t moment s whe n sh e wa s unabl e t o speak and she had to gather herself together. And then she said that Kevin would want us to enjoy ourselves. "So ... let's play." And sh e go t tha t devilis h loo k sh e get s an d swun g int o he r jazzy con self. But a not-quite-so-frenetic version of it. She was still hysterically funny, sexy , teasing, and playful . So then she said something like, "Okay, let's do it" and pretended to peel off her dress to auction it off as she usually does with he r dresses . As always, her dres s proceed s wen t fo r th e benefit o f the Ellis foundation. But then sh e was teasing one gu y who ha d aske d her fo r a kiss. And a couple of people in the audience yelled out that she should auctio n off a kiss. And sh e said, "YES! For Kevin's family!" So first we started of f having a n auction , but the n w e all decided (an d I mean tha t w e all decided — th e giv e and tak e and the connection betwee n the stars and the fan s thi s time is stronger and closer than it usually is, I feel) that she should just sell kisse s so tha t sh e coul d rais e mor e mone y tha n jus t th e

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money she would ge t from the highes t bidder. So we decided that $1,000 per kiss was a good price. And there were six takers, wome n an d men . Hudso n valiantl y stuc k a coupl e o f breath mints in her mouth, (which she said was for the benefit of the kissees) and then knocked them off one by one. Hudson had bee n give n a n hou r bu t wen t overtim e — w e ar e very relaxed a t thi s co n this year , time i s flexible and mean t t o b e enjoyed together . Creation ha d announced earlie r that at 7 p.m. there would be a littl e memoria l servic e fo r Kevin . So afte r Hudso n wa s done at about 7:15 or so, they set up a table on stage. They pu t up a slide of Kevi n in whit e leather a s the Go d o f Lov e from that Here crossover ep which had Sorbo as the Sovereign, Lucy as his connivin g girlfriend, Ale x as the Goddes s o f War, an d Renee as the executioner . Bruce, Ted, William Gregory , Alex, Claire, Renee, Michael Hurst, Alexis Arquette (who came in drag by the way — when he first came out for his appearance, I honestly thought he was Hudson wearing a really bad wig), Vicki Pratt, and Stev e Sears came ou t an d stoo d behin d th e table . The n the y pipe d i n a phone call from Lucy. Lucy starte d talkin g abou t Kevin . She said sh e ha d jotte d some things down so she wouldn't fumbl e around . It was hard to mak e ou t everythin g sh e said . Sh e spoke o f cours e i n he r natural voice , she wa s emotional, an d sh e wa s talkin g o n a phone cal l ru n throug h speakers . Afte r Lucy' s homag e t o Kevin, Michae l spoke , the n Ted , Steve, and Rene e all talke d about wha t a great gu y Kevin was, how specia l he was , ho w fun-loving h e was. Michael talke d abou t ho w Kevi n had ru n naked ou t o f a bar onc e and don e a haka [ a Maori dance] i n

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the street outside. Renee had a hard time completing what she wanted to say without breaking down and when she finally did get through he r comments, Lucy gave her a little, "Good o n ya, Ren," cheer. Then Alex and Hudson als o spoke. As I sat there looking at them I suddenly thought abou t just how just how fitting some of the folks on the stage were as representatives of exactly what this show was about. Hudson was still wearing her stag e clothes. She had o n a very clingy, somewhat sheer , pinky-beige gown , very reminiscent o f th e dres s Marilyn Monro e wor e whe n sh e san g "Happ y Birthday " t o President Kenned y a t Madiso n Squar e Garde n i n th e '6os . Alexis Arquette was in drag, passing comfortably as a woman, and Stev e Sears had o n hi s Indiana Jones hat. And I thought , there i t i s righ t ther e — th e combinatio n o f celebration / exploitation o f strong, beautiful wome n an d thei r bodies, the easy-going an d good-hearte d acceptanc e o f gender-bendin g and breaking of stereotypical sex roles, and an iconic symbol of chop-schlocky B-grad e movies. Wha t a perfec t collectio n o f images and symbol s of X:WP t o have attending this memoria l service for one o f its biggest stars. They al l left th e stag e and the n Sharo n Delane y came o n stage and began to talk to Lucy again. Lucy thanked us for letting her be there with us at the memorial service. This is something that moved me tremendously both today and yesterday . Yesterday, Claire thanked u s for ou r loyalty , for coming t o th e co n an d continuin g t o b e fan s eve n afte r th e show is over. Today both Hudson and Alex expressed thanks to us for being here for them, to help them get through this. They both talked about how much love they felt coming from u s and how much they needed to feel our love at this time.

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I've gon e t o a numbe r o f X: WP cons. And I've sat in the audience and I've watched the stars all tease and to y and tel l funny self-deprecatin g stories about themselve s an d othe r cast member s an d tal k abou t their familie s — the y tel l u s when they've had children and when they'r e gettin g marrie d and they talk about their hon eys and s o on and s o forth. So a bond grow s with th e publi c personas of these people. And then somethin g lik e this hap pens and yo u fee l s o badly for Kevin's family an d fo r his lost potential, fo r th e los s o f tha t funny, silly , living-life-to-the Kevin was as talented a hilt kin d o f gu y he presente d singer as he was an actor. to us at these cons. Rockin' with Joel Tobeck And then you suddenly find (Strife) on stage at a out fro m Alex , Hudson , an d convention. (Photo by Ellen Filler) Lucy that they take comfort in the fact that we share their grief and in knowing that we also feel so badly for them too, the people who knew the real Kevin, the people who truly had him in their lives. And that it matters to them tha t it matters to us. And they stand there and thank us for being part of their public life and for caring about them and for being there with them at this time.

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Because of Kevin's tragedy, this is a soft gentleness about this con that I've never felt before. From them up there on the stage down t o u s ou t her e o n th e floo r facin g them , flowin g bot h ways between us . They have expressed to us that in a way that matters t o them , we are all in thi s togethe r because we have a relationship, we have bonded over this TV show they made and we watched. And certainly they are talking about al l of us, and about all of you who love the show but who didn't make it out here to the con. On one side of the footlights or the other . I wish all of us in the Xenaverse a safe night tonight.

God of Our Hearts BY LUNACY

It i s with deepes t regret s that I join th e Xenavers e family i n expressing m y heartfel t sorro w a t th e passin g o f on e o f ou r own — actor Kevin Smith, the man who gave life to Ares, God of War . I firs t notice d Kevi n in hi s debu t o n Xena: Warrior Princess i n th e episod e "Th e Reckoning. " I wa s immediatel y intrigued b y this dark , mysterious , an d strikingl y handsom e new characte r an d impresse d wit h th e talente d acto r wh o played him. In the si x years that followed I had th e opportu nity to not onl y witness his acting talent, but t o se e Kevin in person a t a couple of X:WP conventions . I always found hi m to be an extremely nice, funny, down-to-eart h guy , devoted to his famil y and friend s an d alway s very patien t an d graciou s with the fans . It is no surprise to me that he was scheduled to start filming a bi g budge t Hollywoo d fil m i n th e week s ahead . H e wa s a

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talented actor who had proven himself through his work in New Zealand an d impresse d fan s th e worl d ove r throug h hi s portrayal o f Are s o n bot h X:WP an d Hercules: Th e Legendary Journeys. Kevin had the potential to do even greater things with his career . Tragically, he wil l no t hav e that chanc e now , bu t I think I speak for millions of fans out there when I say that he left us with a legacy through his work that will always be with us. There are no words to express the magnitude of this loss for his family but i f any of them rea d this I would just like to say that whe n I saw him a t conventions, I always got the impres sion that he was a happy person who adored his kids, loved his work, had fu n with his friends, and seemed to be enjoying life. In this life, makin g someone we love happy is really the mos t special gif t w e ca n giv e them, an d Kevin' s family an d friend s certainly seemed to do the trick for him. I grieve for the loss of this wonderful individual but I celebrate his life too because he did some great things with it. Like the Olympian he played on TV, Kevi n Smit h wil l remai n foreve r immortalize d i n ou r hearts — a great professional and a great person. May you rest in peace, Kevin.

Comi'fi0 ffonrae BY MISSY GOOD

It's bee n a very long week just past. I just got back from th e Pasadena convention o f 2002.1 hadn't really intended t o go to the convention at all, to begin with. I had a heavy work schedule this month, and it's difficult fo r me to travel because of my mother's illness .

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But sometime s fat e work s out i n mysteriou s ways . I found mysel f sen t o n a busi ness trip during that very week of th e con , to o f al l places , Southern California . No t on e to tempt fat e mor e tha n once , I gave in and extended my trip to cove r th e co n weeken d — knowing a t th e ver y leas t I would ge t t o se e friend s an d celebrate th e magi c agai n o f this sho w tha t someho w brought togethe r s o man y from s o fa r fo r s o long . S o I was gla d I wa s going . Ther e would b e ne w T-shirts , ol d friends, an d t o to p i t al l off, Getting closer to the Michael Hurs t an d Rene e audience. (Photo by O'Connor i n a n evenin g per- Amy J. Putnam) formance o f Love Letters. And there wer e — ne w T-shirts , ne w sweatshirts , an d lot s o f ol d friends. But there was also a cloud there, a cloud of knowing that a member of the Xena famil y was hurt, and in a far-off place . There wer e fou r character s I really wanted t o ge t to writ e for whe n I joined the Xena writin g staff . Tw o I figured were a shoo-in: Xen a an d Gabrielle . Th e othe r tw o wer e Are s an d Aphrodite. I got my chance to write Ares on my second script , and givin g Kevin a place to shin e a s a god-made-mortal wa s one o f th e trul y delightfu l experience s I ha d i n th e whol e

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We'll miss you, Kevin. (Photo by Wendy Sparks)

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process. He di d a fine jo b wit h i t too — hi s Ares falling int o madness, then being wrenched out of it by the horror of killing Xena was wonderful. He took the script an d ran with it, and I was in turn humble d an d amazed by the result . A fin e actor . A genuinely decent ma n wh o wa s funny an d self-deprecating an d a true professiona l in th e difficul t jo b o f being a n action-adventur e star . I remember hi m bein g happ y that Ares finally got to ride a horse. I remember him laughin g when Lucy kicked his sword out of his hand a little too hard and almost took out a light shield. I remember Kevin and Lucy, with the day' s light fadin g an d tim e short , runnin g throug h on e of the mos t difficul t passage s of dialogue in a single take because they were just that good at it, and knew each other just that well. So I had m y fingers crossed and was praying for him whe n I heard he was hurt, in a strange place far from hi s friends an d family. I hoped such a strong man who had been so full of love and life, could pull through an d make it back home. It was cold and windy when I left the convention o n Friday, heading bac k to ge t a jacket this souther n ner d didn' t realize would be needed. A piece of paper stopped m e as I was about to drive out o f the parking lot, and when I looked down , all it said was: "Kevin died today. " A lot o f people have related what Saturda y was like, and I agree with all of them. It was a coming together and sharin g of grief o f peopl e wh o kne w an d love d Kevi n the perso n wit h those who knew and loved Kevin the image on the screen, and it was truly wonderful. For that one moment , i n tha t audito rium, th e lin e wa s gon e betwee n star s an d fans , staf f an d viewers, the powers that be and us. We were all just people who in that momen t ha d lost a friend .

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It wa s a difficul t emotio n t o quantify . I t wa s difficul t t o understand why something like this would happen to someone like Kevin. It i s difficult t o cop e with th e knowledge of what Kevin's wife an d childre n must be going through, to lose such a huge part of their lives. The only easy thing to understand is why our first reaction was: "What ca n we do to help?" It's what we always do. I once said this was the most loving and givin g group of people anywhere, and that's been proven time and time again — and will be no w a s the conventio n goer s already have started the bal l rolling, and the res t will continue t o ad d to it through Sword and Staff , or personal donations, or other fundraising that will surely start up soon. As I fle w hom e toda y fro m th e convention , a though t occurred to me. I travel a lot, and no matter how wonderful the place I'v e been is , I alway s am gratefu l t o se e the Everglades flash by under the wings of the plane and hear the captain say, "Welcome to Fort Lauderdale." It means I'm home. I think anyone wh o travel s a lo t mus t fee l tha t wa y and I wondere d if Kevin felt that way about being in China, so far from hi s home in New Zealand and hi s family. I wondered if he'd bee n looking forward to seeing the Auckland harbor and hearing voices that sounded like his did and being able to watch the All Blacks [N.Z. rugby team] on television again. For a moment , I fel t ver y sad, because I kne w this time , Kevin didn't make it back. But then I thought about it, and because I've been there and seen Ne w Zealand, I know that wher e Kevin i s now mus t b e awfully familiar to him, and very much like home after all. Peace be with you, Kevin.

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