More Than Anything

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… “Want to turn off the lamp?” Des asked softly. “Okay.” Shayne actually liked the idea. If it was dark, well, Des wouldn’t see all his flaws or try to guess what he was thinking. He reached over and turned the knob, turning the room to darkness, save for a small sliver of moon coming in through the window blinds. Des took hold of his hand and wrapped his fingers around Shayne’s palm. “How much experience do you have, Shayne?” He decided to be honest. No sense lying. “Just a little.” “Like what?” He shrugged in the dark. “I went with my mother and grandmother in the summer to visit family in Ohio. There was this guy who lived near my relatives and we played around.” “When you say played around, did you—” Shayne swallowed. “Yes. O-only a couple of times, though. The other times we just jerked each other off and did some blow jobs.” Des had started to stroke his fingers along Shayne’s hand, to his wrist and up his arm. Tingles of awareness went through him and straight to his cock, causing it to harden instantly. “Were you… did he fuck you?” Des asked. He felt his ears burn, which was silly to blush when you were lying in the dark. “Yes.” “And you liked it? He didn’t hurt you?’ “I did and, no, he didn’t.” Those fantastic fingers now caressed his biceps, drawing little circles. “Would you let me fuck you?” Oh, God. He opened his mouth to answer, but all that came out was a squeak…

ALSO BY S HAWN LANE At Long Last The Beach House The Best Gift Car Wash Galaxy’s Heart The “His” Series His One And Only Hitting It Big The Impersonator Jake’s Regret Lawyers In Love Lost Between Manfred’s Curse Most Likely To Succeed Only For Him Only Forever Only His Heart Only In His Dreams The Other Side Pulling Away Sorcerer’s Lover, I & II The Squire Still The One Sweet Reunion Ticket To Ride Twice In A Lifetime Until The End Of Time

MORE THAN ANYTHING BY SHAWN LANE

AMBER Q UILL PRESS, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com

MORE THAN ANYTHING AN AMBER QUILL PRESS BOOK This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2011 by Shawn Lane ISBN 978-1-61124-196-9 Cover Art © 2011 Trace Edward Zaber

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

To Shayne, with love

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CHAPTER 1 Shayne Ralston walked out of the university bookstore, his arms full of textbooks, too many textbooks, he soon realized, as they promptly slipped out of his arms and onto the ground in front of him. Rolling his eyes at his own idiocy, he dropped to his knees to scoop up his purchases. “Here, let me,” a deep voice said from above him. At first Shayne wasn’t sure the guy behind the voice spoke to him, but then someone knelt beside him and swooped up his scattered books in no time. Shayne glanced up, ready to thank his helper, and met the most intense green eyes he’d ever seen. “Hi.” Shayne blinked. Not only were the eyes spectacular but the rest of the guy went right along with them. High cheekbones, dark 1

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wavy hair, beautiful white straight teeth, and dimples. “Um.” Smooth Shayne. He rolled his eyes at himself again. His helper stood and, reaching down with one hand, pulled Shayne to his feet. “You should get a book bag or a backpack. Makes it easier to carry your books.” He glanced down at the ones he held in his big hand. “Tough courses.” Shayne nodded, knowing he was an idiot, just staring at the tall, broad-shouldered god of a man. “Des, come on!” someone shouted. “Gotta go.” The guy handed the books to Shayne. “See you around.” And then he ran off toward several burly guys, all suspiciously having that jock vibe. Duh, Shayne, what else? “What are you doing?” his best friend, Bart Smith, asked, suddenly there at his elbow. “Proving what a dork I am, on my first day, as usual,” Shayne said, shaking his head. “Who was that? The guy who helped me.” Bart, a short, slim redhead, had been his best friend since kindergarten. “Are you kidding? What rock have you been living under? Don’t you remember him?” Shayne frowned. “No. Why?” Bart sighed dramatically. “He went to our high school. He was a senior when we were sophomores. Desmond Stratton. Student body president. Quarterback. He’s on the university’s football team, too. All those guys were. Rumors are he’ll go pro eventually.” “Oh.” Shayne stared after the direction the jocks had gone. “Totally out of our league, Shayne.” Bart patted his arm. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he’s into tits and ass.” 2

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He nodded. “Aren’t they all? Besides, I’m not here to find a boyfriend. I’m here to get my history degree.” Bart snorted. “Boring. Economics is where it’s at. Come on. Let’s get something to eat. I’m starved.” *

*

*

A few hours later and with a couple of classes firmly under his belt, Shayne opened the door of his old beat-up truck in the campus parking lot. He glanced at the sky and frowned at the approaching clouds. The morning, when he had to be indoors, had been bright and sunny. Getting into the truck, Shayne turned the key in the ignition and… nothing. “Oh, please no.” Grimacing, he tried again… and again. “Need a jump?” The sudden deep voice at his window had Shayne screaming like he was a victim in a horror movie. His face burning hot, Shayne turned his head to see Desmond Stratton standing at his window looking sheepish. Shayne rolled down his window. “Uh, hi.” “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” “You didn’t scare me, er, exactly.” “You screamed,” Desmond pointed out. “A startled scream is all. What did you want?” He winced at the sharpness in his own voice. “Wondered if you needed a jump. Sounds like your battery.” Biting his lip, Shayne nodded. “Maybe. You know about cars?” Desmond shrugged. “Not really, but I do have jumper cables 3

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and know how to do that. Desmond Stratton.” When Desmond stuck out his hand, Shayne figured he should shake it. His hand looked very small in Desmond’s big paw. “Shayne Ralston. Nice to meet you, Desmond.” “Des. That’s what all my friends call me. I’ll pull my car over here and we can give you that jump. Be right back.” Shayne watched Des run off toward a group of other parked cars. Sighing, he got out of the truck and opened the hood. He might not know shit about cars but he knew that much had to be done. It seemed like he was destined to make an ass out of himself in front of Des. Not like it would matter really. The guy wouldn’t be interested in someone like Shayne, not even as a friend. And if he realized Shayne was gay, he’d probably punch his lights out. A minute later, a black Mustang pulled into the empty spot next to Shayne’s truck. It took every bit of strength he had not to roll his eyes at the muscle car. Straight as a damn arrow. Des got out carrying cables. His smile was brilliantly beautiful. “How old is this truck anyway?” “Well, um, pretty old. It was my gramps’s, actually. Not sure what year it is. I just needed a way to get to school.” “Well, that’s cool,” Des said. “Let’s get you going.” Shayne watched as Des went to his car and popped the hood and then connected the cables between the two vehicles. “Okay, Shayne, go ahead and try to start her,” Des called. He nodded and got back in his truck. After two attempts, his truck came to life. And Shayne heaved a sigh of relief. Des came around to the driver side of his truck. “Let’s leave it for a moment. I’m betting you really need a new battery. You going straight home?” 4

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“Yeah, I was.” “You live close by?” “About twenty minutes or so,” Shayne said. Des scrunched up his face. “Hopefully that will be long enough for the charge. If you have trouble in the morning you might have to have it charge again. You want my cell number in case you have to call me to jump you?” Shayne blinked. The thought of Des jumping him sped up his pulse and had him feeling ridiculously warm. Not to mention halfhard. Which, of course, he hoped to God Des didn’t notice. And, duh, Des didn’t mean that kind of jumping anyway. “I have the Auto Club,” he blurted out. Part of him wanted to kick his own ass for that, but really, the more often he saw Des the sooner it would become clear to the jock that Shayne was gay and probably punching bag material. “Oh, okay.” Des’s beautiful smile didn’t dim one bit. “Hey, if you aren’t in any hurry to get home, me and some of the guys are going over to Mario’s Pizza. Maybe you’d like to meet us there?” Instant panic assailed him. A pizza place full of homophobic jocks? Not in a million years. He just wasn’t that stupid. He only hoped he didn’t look as queasy as he felt “I really need to get home,” he said softly. Des nodded. “All right. Some other time, maybe?” “Sure.” “I’ll get the cables.” Des went and disconnected everything. He waved the cables. “See you, Shayne.” “Thanks again, Desmond.” “Des.” “Uh, yeah, Des.” Shayne pulled out and drove away feeling a bit like maybe he’d 5

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missed something but wasn’t really sure what it could be. He shrugged it off and made the short drive home. He parked in the driveway and reluctantly turned off the truck. If it didn’t start in the morning he supposed he could take the bus to school or beg Bart to come get him, even though Bart had no classes tomorrow. “Hey, Ma, I’m home,” he called as he stepped inside the simple single-family home that consisted of three bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room, a family room, kitchen and dining room. The San Fernando Valley home had been built somewhere in the 1950s and Shayne had grown up there. “In here,” she yelled from the dining room. He knew as he approached that his mother was in the middle of doing hair. Probably a color from the smell. His mother had been a beautician in a salon up until the shop she’d worked in for twenty years had closed due to the death of the owner. The salon had been left to the owner’s son and daughter-in-law and they’d sold it. Ever since, his mother, Jan, did hair in their kitchen or dining room. Sure enough there was his five foot mother, her own platinum hair piled high on her head in a river of ringlets, her gloved fingers carefully applying a magenta looking color on the head of one of her best customers, Mrs. Flores. The customer sat in a chair in the dining room his mother had bought for the purpose of doing hair. Of course she didn’t have a business license to do hair in the home, but so far she was getting away with it. “Hi, honey, how was school?” She offered her cheek to him, which he kissed. “Not bad. I bought all my books. There’s a shitload of them.” Thanks to financial aid, he’d been able to afford to go to college. Otherwise, he supposed he’d be working retail and dreaming. “Shayne.” His mother sighed. 6

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“Sorry.” Mrs. Flores chuckled. “Leave the boy alone. He’s not a baby anymore. A big college boy now.” Shayne figured at five foot five he wasn’t exactly big, but who was he to argue? “Need a refill on your coffee, Mrs. Flores?” “Not right now, sweetie.” She waved him away. Nodding, he turned back to his mother. “I’m going to say hi to Gramps.” “Okay, I’m heating up leftovers for dinner later.” It was only the three of them in the house now. His dad had left the family when Shayne was five. He had another family now across the country in Pennsylvania. Somewhere over there Shayne had three half-siblings he had never met. For that matter never even exchanged an email with. He looked them up on Facebook and had nearly requested their friendship, but eventually decided not to bother. They’d not be interested in hearing from their older dork half-brother. He didn’t have much of a relationship with his dad either. Until he turned eighteen, Shayne had received a birthday card, always late, with a twenty dollar bill inside. Shayne had always dutifully thanked his father. Once he turned eighteen though, the cards stopped. The obligation to care, too, he supposed. It used to be his mom, him, and his grandparents. But his grandma had passed away three years earlier and Gramps had never been the same. He found his frail grandfather sitting on the couch in family room. The television was on, but Gramps had his reading glasses on and was perusing a newspaper he had folded on his lap with little regard to what played on the television. A glance at the screen 7

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showed the Dr. Phil show. Shayne smiled and sat next to his mother’s dad on the couch. “Hey, Gramps, how are you doing?” “Well, well, how was the first day of high school?” Gramps asked, his glasses sliding off his thin nose. “College. I’m in college now.” “Oh, right.” “Anyway, everything’s fine. The classes I had today seemed like they’ll be pretty cool.” Gramps frowned. “Oh, then, you probably ought to wear a sweater, Shayne.” His heart clenching, Shayne smiled and patted the old man’s leg. “You’re right, Gramps. I’ll do that.” “Meet any pretty girls your first day?” “No. Don’t you remember? I’m gay,” he explained patiently. The old man nodded. “That’s right.” He seemed to consider this, and then smiled. “Meet any pretty boys?” Shayne laughed. “I saw a few. I didn’t really meet them.” Not counting Desmond Stratton, of course. But, he didn’t count. Not really. “Anything interesting in the paper?” Gramps snorted. “Same old shit. This guy got murdered, this bank got robbed, this politician cheated on his wife. Been that way since I was your age.” He nodded. “Yeah, some things never change. You want me to get you a cup of tea?” “Yeah, how about that new stuff you made me the other day?” “The green?” His face brightening, Gramps smiled. “Yeah, I liked that. Make me some of that.” Shayne rose and leaned down to kiss the top of his 8

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grandfather’s bald head. “Coming right up, Gramps.” Eventually, he guessed, he and his mother would have to sit down and talk about Gramps’s future. It wasn’t something either of them wanted to think about. Shayne would rather die than hurt his grandfather. He’d been the only father figure Shayne had really had. And now he had managed to depress himself. He was becoming far too maudlin. “I need to get laid,” he muttered as he filled the teakettle. Why was it that thought brought the beautiful smiling Desmond Stratton to mind?

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CHAPTER 2 “Am I losing my touch?” Desmond Stratton asked his cousin, Evan Caruthers, as he reached for a slice of pizza from the 28-inch pizza Mario’s was famous for. “Absolutely,” Evan said without pause. “Funny. I’m serious.” Des glanced down the table at their fellow teammates. Most of them were wolfing down pizza at an alarming speed. But they paid very little attention to him and Evan. Evan, a tall thin blond, tilted his head to look at Des. “You mean like your throwing arm?” “No, not for football.” Des cleared his throat. “Sexually.” His cousin snorted. “What the hell are you talking about?” Des sighed. “This morning and this afternoon, too, actually, I tried turning on the charm and—” 10

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“Wait, wait.” Evan laughed. “Are you saying someone didn’t fall down at your feet in a swoon?” Scowling, Des sipped his Coke. “No. Well, yeah, he didn’t.” And damn it, that stung. Shayne was hot. He’d thought the dark haired, dark eyed soulful artist type had been good-looking in high school, but now, having not seen him for a few years, Des could barely look away when Shayne was around. He was mesmerized. Evan smiled. “Are you sure these guys were gay?” “One guy. Both times. And my gaydar went off big time. I would have sworn back in high school, actually.” “Wait, you remember this guy from high school?” “Yeah, Shayne Ralston.” Evan shook his head. “Can’t say I remember him.” Des snorted. “You were still screwing Sandy.” Evan flushed. “She was pretty and a cheerleader. I was trying.” He nodded. “I know. And to be fair he was a sophomore. You probably didn’t pay much attention to them.” “You never mentioned him. You had a crush on him?” “No, not exactly a crush. I just always thought he was cute in a starving artist kind of way. Those dark soulful eyes, the pale skin.” He shifted, realizing thinking of Shayne was getting him hard. And now Shayne was hotter than he’d ever been before. Now the ends of his dark hair had been dyed fluorescent blue, which Des found really appealing. Evan laughed. “Uh-huh. I get it. He’s definitely your type.” “Was. I don’t think he’s in to me at all.” Evan took a bite of pizza. “How do you know? What happened exactly?” He shrugged. “Well, okay, the first time I just picked up the books he dropped, so that was no big deal, I guess, but this 11

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afternoon his truck wouldn’t start so I helped him get it started.” “And?” “I asked him out and he said no.” Evan winced. “Oh.” “Yeah, oh.” “What did you ask him to do?” Evan grabbed another slice of the pizza. “Come to Mario’s tonight.” His cousin rolled his eyes. “Dude, maybe he’s shy and doesn’t want your first date to be with the university football team.” Des opened his mouth and then closed it. He thought about it. “Well, I didn’t say it was the team, I just said some of the guys.” “He probably knows who you hang out with if he remembers you and if he doesn’t it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out.” “All right, so you think I should try again?” “Maybe he’s not interested.” Des scowled, which only made Evan laugh. “But, you’ll never know if you don’t ask. Most gay men I know are all over you.” Des snorted. “Now you’re exaggerating.” Evan glanced down the table at the others, then reached for his wallet, extracted a couple of dollars, and tossed them on the table. “Not by much. I gotta go. I promised my sister I’d take her and her friends to Target.” He smiled. “You’re such a nice guy.” Evan blushed. “Whatever. I’ll catch you later. And ask this guy again.” *

* 12

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Des parked down the street from his house and turned off the engine, but he didn’t get out. There were closer parking spots, but then someone from his family would look out the window and notice he was home. He wasn’t ready for that yet. Sometimes it was hell living a lie. A lie of sorts anyway. He wasn’t exactly out, but he wasn’t in either. Er, anyway. Certain close friends and confidants knew. He and his cousin, Evan, had been the first one each of them had come out to back in high school. They’d both been pretending. Evan had even gone so far as to have a girlfriend. Des had dated a string of them, trying to find the magic one who would make him forget he liked guys. It hadn’t happened, of course. Des knew if he wanted a career in professional football one day he could not be openly gay. It was just the way it was. So, he had come to the conclusion—until he decided one way or another… until he found out what the offers would be—he had to remain in the closet with most people, and that included his family. His father was old school. Macho and tough. While not exactly openly homophobic, his father was more of the I’m okay with you as long as you don’t tell me you’re gay crowd. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell played out in his own home. Just once he wished he could be himself in front of his family. Yeah, it was his choice to hide it, but it didn’t make it any less miserable. He’d thought about telling his sister, Angela, who seemed the most open-minded of his family, but he also knew his sister didn’t keep secrets well. His older brother, Matt, was too much like their father. And he knew his mother didn’t want to know her son was gay. She’d made enough comments over the years to give him that clue. 13

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So, why was he even interested in seeing Shayne? Des wasn’t sure. Usually he just had casual hookups, nothing serious. He didn’t think of relationships because it wasn’t fair to ask a guy to hide it. Yet, Shayne didn’t seem like the casual hookup sort. And Des didn’t think he wanted him to be either. Of course, so far, given Shayne’s disinterest, it was all quite moot. Des shook his head at himself and finally got out of the car. He couldn’t avoid his family forever, but it also reminded him the sooner he could get his own place the better. His father had asked if he wanted to stay in a dorm room his first year in college, but the practical side of Des had said no, since home was so close to the university. He regretted that decision now. Walking up the walkway between two perfectly attended flowerbeds, courtesy of his mother, Des was immediately greeted by the family dog who had managed to paw open the loose screen door. The happy golden retriever leaped at him, putting her front paws on his stomach. “Hey, Bree.” Des laughed and rubbed her head. “Down, girl.” Following her wagging tail and her wiggling body, he entered his house. The scent of baked chicken and baked potatoes hit him as soon as he stepped inside. The perfect middle-class family. Or so it would seem to outsiders. He rounded the corner just as his mother, apron strapped around her like she was Mrs. Cleaver or something, stepped out of the kitchen carrying a platter of chicken. She smiled, but it lacked warmth. Typical of his family, they were all show. “There you are. I thought you might miss dinner. 14

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It’s about ready.” Des shook his head. “I ate with the guys at Mario’s.” Her mouth thinned. “I don’t know why I go through the trouble of making dinner for this family. You’re all a bunch of snot-nosed ingrates.” “I’m sorry, Mom.” “You’re sorry? Give me a break. When you get drafted by the NFL you’d better be taking care of me for once.” She walked over to the dining room table and slammed the platter down. “Get out of my sight.” He turned and headed to the staircase that led to the second floor bedrooms. For the last several years he heard that same thing repeatedly from every member of the family. When you get drafted… When you become famous… When you’re a star quarterback… Not a single one of them seemed to give a damn what he wanted. Part of him did want to be a quarterback in the NFL. Sure, of course, making millions would be awesome. But the part that was so tired of pretending, hiding who he was, screamed for release. After he walked into his bedroom, he closed the door and turned the lock. The people in his house had a tendency to ignore personal boundaries. Lying on his back on his bed, his mind once more turned to Shayne. He wanted Shayne, there was no point denying it to himself. For the tiniest moment when he’d handed Shayne’s books to him this morning he thought he detected a hint of interest in the man’s dark eyes. But that afternoon when he helped Shayne with his truck it definitely wasn’t there. He should just forget the idea of Shayne and look online for a 15

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casual hookup. He couldn’t get serious before he made his decision about football. If he wanted that path, whoever he was with would have to hide themselves for his entire football career. Des couldn’t ask that of anyone, and for some reason, most especially not Shayne. Des snorted. Like it mattered unless he could get Shayne to show that interest in Des once more. He closed his eyes and conjured up Shayne’s full kissable lips. Des wanted to taste them. Wanted to make Shayne whimper, to clutch at Des while they kissed like he needed the contact more than anything. Crap, when did I become such a damn sap? Groaning, Des decided to take a shower, and he was pretty sure he’d spend a good portion of that shower jerking off to thoughts of Shayne. *

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Henri’s Diner wasn’t far from the university campus so it was no surprise it was crowded with students when Shayne and Bart arrived the next day after morning classes. “Fifteen minute wait,” the gum-chewing hostess told them. Bart walked over to a plastic red bench to wait. Shayne, noting his friend had taken the last space, stood next to him, facing toward the hostess pedestal. “Don’t look now, Shayne, but Stratton and his followers just walked in.” Of course anytime someone said not to look, well, you looked. Shayne turned slightly and looked over his shoulder toward the door. Sure enough Desmond Stratton and a group of three other 16

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guys had entered the diner. Sighing regretfully, Shayne muttered, “I’m going to the little boy’s room. Be right back.” He made his way through the throng of people in the lobby and down a short hallway to the restrooms. Shayne, standing at the urinal, had just finished tucking himself back in his jeans when the door opened and Desmond Stratton walked in. “Hi again,” Desmond said. He smiled and went to the urinal. Shayne looked away. He would love to see what the man’s cock looked like, but the last thing he needed was some jock bashing his head in because he looked at their cock. “Hi.” He went to the sink and washed his hands. Desmond smiled. “I think, based on the books you dropped yesterday, we might have some of the same classes.” “We do?” “Yep. What’s your major?” Shayne reached for the paper towels. “History.” “Hmm. What do you plan to do with that?” “Teach probably.” Desmond smiled again. “You’d make a good teacher.” He wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not. “What about you, Desmond?” “Call me Des, remember? Biology, actually.” Shayne’s jaw dropped. “Biology? You?” “I know, right? A jock like me with a brain?” His face heated and he looked away. “I-I’m sorry.” Des laughed. “It’s okay. I know the stereotype. I got straight A’s in school. And my favorite subject has always been science.” “I’m sorry. I hate stereotypes. I should know better.” Shayne stepped away, too aware of the man near him. “I should get back to 17

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my friend, Bart. We’re waiting for a table.” “Is it just the two of you?” Des asked. “Yeah.” “Maybe we can tell the hostess to sit us all together, make it six.” “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” He could imagine how much Bart would want to kill him. “Oh, is this a date? You two wanted to be alone?” “A date? No.” “Bart’s not your boyfriend?” Oh my God. “You know I’m gay?” he blurted out before he could stop himself. And then he blushed to the roots of his hair. Des only gave him that beautiful, perfect smile. “Yes. So Bart and you aren’t together?” “We’re only friends.” “Come sit with us, then. Don’t worry, the guys are cool, Shayne.” Shayne bit his bottom lip. “I don’t think Bart will be comfortable.” “Let’s go ask him.” Des pushed the door open and headed back to the lobby. Oh, shit. He hurried after Des. Bart was so going to kill him. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Des had already reached Bart. His friend’s gaze went to Shayne, the blue eyes narrowing just a fraction. Shayne winced and mouthed, “Sorry.” Reluctantly, Shayne approached them. Des turned. “Hey, there you are. Bart said he was leaving it up to you.” 18

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Okay, now I’m going to kill Bart. His stomach clenching, he opened his mouth to answer when one of the guys with Des came up and clamped his hand down on Des’s shoulder. “What’s up, Des?” “Hey, Evan. I was just inviting Shayne and Bart to eat with us.” Evan, an athletic blond, who looked rather Scandinavian, tilted his head, glanced at Bart for a moment, then back to Des. “Okay. Want me to tell the hostess there’s six?” “Shayne?” Des asked. Forcing a smile, he said, “Sure, why not?” “You owe me big time,” Bart whispered furiously as they followed the hostess to their table. “It’s not my fault, he insisted.” Bart rolled his eyes. “They’re going to kick our asses out in the parking lot.” He shook his head. “I don’t think so. Des seems okay.” “Des? God. Anyway, I’m sure they’re just messing with us. Waiting to pounce.” Bart went around to the other side of the table to sit by the window and Shayne started heading that way to sit next to him. “Shayne, come sit next to me.” Des grabbed his upper arm and led him to a seat across from Bart instead. Bart had been picked on a lot in school because he was small, thin, and pretty. By just the type of guys Des and his friends were. He would never forgive himself if these guys turned on Bart like the prick who fucked with Bart in high school. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Des asked, leaning over to ask Shayne in a quiet voice. “This… I think this was a mistake.” 19

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Des frowned. “What? Why?” He blew out a breath. “Look, I don’t know what this is about, but I don’t want to be your victim and I sure as hell don’t want Bart to be.” “Victim? Shayne, what the hell are you talking about?” Shayne gritted his teeth. “You guys are scaring the crap out of Bart.” Des glanced over. “I don’t understand.” “He’s scared of you guys, okay? He thinks you’re setting us up to be bashed.” Shayne winced, hating the fear and desperation he heard in his own voice. “You really have a low opinion of me, don’t you?” Des shook his head. “I’m not setting you up for anything. I just think you’re cute. You guys can go if you want. Nothing is going to happen to you. You have my word.” Humiliation burning his throat, Shayne said, “I’m sorry.” Des shrugged. “Whatever. No big deal.” The threat of tears stung his eyes. Shayne knew he had to get out of there and very quickly. He did not want Des or any of his friends to see him cry. Not that he was going to, of course. Shayne pushed back his chair and stood. Not looking at any of the guys at the table, he turned and hurried out of the dining room and out the doors of the diner, not stopping until he hit the parking lot. He took his inhaler out of his pocket and puffed air. “Hey, are you all right?” Bart asked, coming out of the diner and walking over to him. He nodded. “Yeah. I’m sorry.” “What happened back there?” Shayne took another puff, then pocketed his inhaler. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t even know. I fucked up.” 20

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“Well, let’s just get out of here. Want to go for fast food?” “We can if you want. I’m not really hungry anymore.” Bart grabbed his hand and led him to Bart’s old Nissan. “Did he say something mean to you?” “No. He just… it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry I got us into that stupid mess.” Bart smiled. “First week of school jitters, huh?” “Yeah, I guess so.” Shayne laughed. “I sure hope it gets easier.”

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CHAPTER 3 “What the hell was that?” Evan demanded. Their two teammates, Doug and Frank, were talking about the upcoming game and paying them little attention. Des grimaced and reached for the coffee the waitress had just brought him. After she took their order, he said, “I guess I came on too strong.” Evan rolled his eyes. “So that was the guy you talked about yesterday?” “Yeah. You still don’t remember him?” His cousin shrugged. “No. Now, the other guy. Bart? He was hot.” “Bart Smith. I knew you’d think so. That’s why I’m surprised you didn’t know him from high school.” 22

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“I didn’t even get a chance to talk to him.” Evan shrugged. “Win some lose some.” Des wasn’t so sure he was ready to throw in the towel where Shayne was concerned. He liked challenges and Shayne’s low opinion of him was definitely a challenge. “He’s in a few of my classes, judging by his books. Or at least I hope he is.” Des hadn’t thought about it, but it was possible Shayne’s classes were at different times. “Bart?” “No, brainless. Shayne.” He glanced at Doug and Frank to see they were still not paying attention. He lowered his voice, and said, “I’m not ready to give up. I’m thinking I can maybe persuade him.” Evan smirked. “To let you into his pants?” “Of course. A couple of times he looked like he was almost ready to give me a chance, so there’s hope.” The waitress came by and plopped down their plates of food. “Endless optimist.” Evan stabbed into his hash browns. “Maybe I can get a shot at Bart then.” Doug looked over. “What are you two conspiring over?” “Nothing,” Des said. “Just game stuff.” Doug nodded. “What was with those two dorks you invited to sit with us?” “They went to high school with us. They’re nice guys.” His teammate snorted. “I hope you aren’t planning to pledge them. They’re not Omega Sigma Tau types.” “No.” Des wasn’t even sure he was, but his family had always gone to that university and every male from his family had always pledged to the Omega Sigma Tau fraternity. Des had done what had been expected of him. But he would never expose Shayne to 23

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the frat bullshit. “Good,” Frank said. “And no offense, Des, next time if you want to eat with those guys, don’t include me. You may be okay with fags, but my church tells me they shouldn’t be tolerated and encouraged.” His jaw tightened. “Let it go,” Evan whispered. Des shook his head. “Well, I do take offense. You can think how you want, Frank, but don’t ever use that term around me again. Got it?” Frank rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” Des opened his mouth and Evan shoved one of Des’s fries in. “Let it go,” Evan said again. “He’s a dickhead. It’s not worth a fight.” He nodded. “All right, but he doesn’t get invited to anything I do from now on, Evan. I’m not putting up with that shit.” “I agree.” Evan sighed. “Let’s just get the check and get out of here.” *

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Des had been making his way to his microbiology class a couple of afternoons later when he spotted Shayne leaning against a brick wall. Shayne wasn’t alone either. Another student, his back to Des, stood very close to Shayne, in his personal space as far as Des was concerned. He clenched his hand as he watched the other guy tilt his head and then kiss Shayne. It was like an icy wind blew over him. Shayne had a boyfriend? Now that he thought about it, Shayne had only said he wasn’t with Bart, not that he didn’t have a 24

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different boyfriend. Shayne broke the kiss, laughed and then playfully touched the guy’s chest. Pushing aside a twinge of jealousy, Des made himself turn away from the sight. He didn’t have any right to give a damn who Shayne kissed. And he should be getting to class anyway. Des walked away, his mood rather soured now. Maybe it was just as well anyway. Though a few people knew of his sexuality, most didn’t. Between scholarships and his parents’ money he was paying for college and Des figured if his strait-laced, religious parents learned of his sexuality they’d cut off the college funds. Maybe even Des himself. “Hey, Des.” He knew that butter melting voice without looking. For the last several nights he’d dreamed of that voice crying out his name again and again as Des pumped into him. And just like that, all thoughts of ignoring Shayne flew out the window. He turned to face Shayne, who smiled at him tentatively. The man’s dark hair was slightly mussed as though the guy who’d recently been kissing him had run his fingers through his hair. “Hi.” “Listen,” Shayne said softly. “I wanted to apologize for the other day. Running out of the diner like that and, well, the things I said.” Des nodded. “It’s okay. I wish you hadn’t run out though. I really did want to get to know you. I didn’t know you had a boyfriend, though.” “Boyfriend? Nah, I don’t.” He frowned and gestured toward the wall Shayne had recently been leaning against. “Who was that dude with his tongue down your throat then?” Shayne rolled his eyes. “Not my boyfriend. He just wants to go 25

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out with me. He’s a little—” “Invasive?” Shayne chuckled. “I was going to say persuasive.” “Well, no offense, but you seemed okay with it.” Des struggled to keep a scowl off his face, knowing full well it wouldn’t be appropriate. The other man shrugged. “He is a good kisser.” His jaw tightened. “Hmm.” “Anyway, I did want to apologize. In my defense, Bart has some past experience with jocks that was pretty bad, and I guess I’m a little protective of him.” “We’re not all the same, Shayne.” Shayne turned pink. “I know that. Well, I’m trying to know that. To be honest… are you gay? I just wouldn’t have thought you were.” Des stepped close to Shayne until they were just a few inches apart. Other students walked past them on their way to classes, but Des paid no attention to them. “Go out with me and I’ll show you,” Des heard himself say. Maybe a little corny but no one ever said he was suave. “Well—” And without thinking it through, Des leaned down to kiss Shayne. If the other guy had been a good kisser then Des wanted to be an amazing kisser. But even as Shayne’s dark eyes widened, Des knew he couldn’t kiss him. Not here, like this where anyone could see him. He pulled away, feeling like the jackass he surely was. “Shayne.” Des cleared his throat. “When are you going out with that guy?” Shayne frowned. “Friday, why?” 26

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“Go out with me tonight.” If he had his way, Shayne would be breaking the date with the other guy. “Tonight?” “Yeah, let me take you to a nice dinner. I’ll even pick you up.” “I don’t know, Des.” Des sighed. “You think I’m ugly?” Shayne shook his head. “Unattractive somehow?” “Well—” His heart sank. “Oh.” “No.” Shayne’s hand curved around Des’s forearm. He couldn’t tear his gaze from the sight of Shayne touching him. Even this small contact had his head spinning. “What I meant to say, is I do find you attractive. I just… I don’t date guys like you.” “Because you find us shallow and dumb?” Des smiled. “I know you have a low opinion of me. Let me change that. You’ll never know if you don’t give me a chance.” The other man looked away for a few seconds, but he didn’t move his hand, it still clutched Des’s arm and he couldn’t help but feel hopeful because of it. Looking at him finally, Shayne’s dark eyes bore into Des’s very soul. “Okay.” *

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Precisely at seven o’clock that night, Des pulled his Mustang up to the curb in front of the house at the address Shayne had provided him. His plan was to take Shayne to an oceanfront 27

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restaurant on Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu. Yeah, it would be too dark to see the view, but it would be romantic and also far enough away from the university it would be much less likely anyone would recognize Des and guess he was on a date. He checked his appearance in his rearview mirror to make sure he didn’t have anything out of place. It wouldn’t do to show up for his date with a booger on his nose or something. Satisfied he was presentable, Des got out and headed up the walkway to the front door. Des had dressed in khaki slacks and a brown dress shirt. The restaurant was pretty casual, but he wanted to make a good impression both on Shayne and Shayne’s family if he were to meet them. Probably old-fashioned of him to think that way. He rang the bell and waited. After what seemed forever, the door opened and a frail old man stood looking at him rather suspiciously. “What are you doing out here standing on the doorstep?” the old man asked. “I—I’m here to see Shayne.” “And it’s about time, too.” He stepped aside to let Des inside. “When’s the last time you’ve been to see him?” “What?” “Never mind. You’re here now. Shayne, your dad’s here.” Des shook his head. “Wait, what?” “My dad? Gramps, what—” Shayne, who had walked into the front hallway, stopped. “Gramps, that’s not dad.” “It’s not?” The old man turned to survey Des. “Well, who are you then and what do you want?” “This is Desmond, my date,” Shayne explained, patiently. For a moment, Shayne’s grandfather continued to look 28

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confused, but then he smiled and turned to Des, holding out his hand. “Harvey Young. I’m Shayne’s mother’s father.” Des shook his hand. “Des Stratton. Nice to meet you, Mr. Young.” “Bring him into the kitchen, Shaynie,” a woman called from within the house. Shayne rolled his eyes and his ears reddened but he gestured to the doorway. “This way.” They went through a rather cluttered but cozy living room and past a dining room that looked like it was set up for business rather than eating. A beauty salon from what Des could tell from the adjustable chair, mirror, and assorted hair products. Shayne cleared his throat and bit his lip. “My, uh, mother does hair.” In the kitchen was a rather short, plump older woman with platinum blonde ringlets cascading down her head onto her back. She stood at the sink, washing dishes by hand. She turned and wiped her hands on a dishtowel and beamed. “You must be Desmond! I heard about you.” “Mom,” Shayne muttered under his breath. She ignored him and studied Des with a critical eye before smiling once more. “You are as dreamy as Shaynie said.” “I did not say that!” She waved a hand. “Something close to it. So, you’re off to dinner?” “Yes, ma’am,” Des said. “And polite, too.” She tilted her head. “Have you ever thought of some nice highlights?” He frowned. “Highlights?” 29

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“For your hair. Oh, it’s nice, but it would be even nicer with maybe a little bit of plum streaked through it.” “Oh for… we’d better go.” Shayne took his arm. “She’s obsessed with making everyone’s hair unique. Why do you think I have color in my hair?” “I like your blue ends.” “See!” Shayne’s mother called triumphantly as they hurried through the living room. “Don’t encourage her.” They got outside and Shayne instantly relaxed, exhaling softly. “They both seemed really nice.” Shayne nodded. “They are. Sorry about my grandfather. It comes and goes.” He smiled. “It’s fine. Come on, let’s go to dinner.”

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CHAPTER 4 “This is really nice,” Shayne said, after they’d been seated at a table for two in the corner by a window. The table held a candle and two place settings. The host had removed the two empty wineglasses from the setup. Des smiled. “Sorry there’s not much in the way of light to see the view. It’s amazing here in the summer.” He lifted his menu to study it. “You take a lot of dates here?” “You’re the first, actually. I’ve been here with my family a lot though. When I was a kid. We don’t seem to come here much anymore.” He didn’t miss the hint of sadness in Des’s voice, so he lowered his menu. Sure enough Des had a slight frown on his face. “That’s too bad. Any particular reason?” 31

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Des stared down at the table, then his gaze rose. “Families drift apart when they have nothing in common. We all have different interests. Back then everyone was happier, freer. Not as much pressure on any of us.” “You feel a lot of pressure, Des?” “Sometimes it crushes me.” He shook his head. “But I don’t want to bring us down. This is supposed to be about you and me and our first of many dates.” Shayne smiled. “An optimist.” “I’d have to be where you are concerned. You keep shooting me down.” “I’m not trying to.” Shayne bit his lip when Des raised an eyebrow. “Well, okay, maybe I am. It’s just… guys like you are generally out of my league.” “What are guys like me?” “Athletes, macho jocks, frat boys, that kind.” He felt himself blush and wished he could crawl under the table, but it was true. Des was all of those and Shayne was just a regular guy. The waitress came by and took their drink orders, both iced tea, and Des ordered shrimp cocktail as an appetizer for them. “Sure there are plenty of guys who fit the usual stereotypes, Shayne, but I’m not one of them. I’m very attracted to you and very interested. I think you’re gorgeous.” Shayne was pretty sure he wasn’t gorgeous, never had been and never would be, but he didn’t want to be one of those guys who tried to be humble and ended up sounding quite the opposite, so he smiled. “Thank you.” Des smiled, too. “Now that we have that out of the way, I guess this is the part of the date where we find out more about each other. Why don’t you start?” 32

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He rolled his eyes. “I knew you were going to do that.” “That’s me… predictable.” Shayne snorted. “Well, you’ve met my family. It’s just me, my mom, and Gramps. My grandmother died three years ago.” “Your dad left, huh?” He winced, remembering Gramps thinking Des was Shayne’s father. “Yeah, when I was just a kid. He has a new family now. I don’t really know them. Gramps, uh, he’s in the first stages of Alzheimer’s. Mom and I watch him pretty closely, which since she works from home is mostly her job. I help when I’m home.” Des nodded. “You work part-time or anything?” “I should, it would probably help, but not yet. I can’t work too many hours anyway and still get financial aid to pay for school. What about you?” “With football and school, honestly, I don’t have time for a job right now,” Des admitted. “I got scholarships that pay for most of that. Spending money I get from my folks and an inheritance from my aunt.” He thought about how it must be nice to have a trust fund and be a star athlete with the world at your beck and call, but Shayne wasn’t stupid. He knew that everything came with a price and Des already admitted to feeling a lot of pressure. “What about football? Are you going to go pro?” Shayne didn’t really know much about sports, never having been remotely interested, but he didn’t live in a bubble and knew from what Bart had told him, Des was a great quarterback and had plenty of teams interested in him. Des shrugged. “It’s very possible I will. It depends on the offers. In the meantime, I’ll work toward my major.” “What do you think you’ll do with it? Say if playing pro 33

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football doesn’t work out.” The waitress stepped up to the table with their iced teas and the shrimp cocktail. “You guys ready to order?” Des smiled at Shayne. “I am. What about you?” He hadn’t really looked much at the menu, but he glanced quickly and then closed it. “I’ll have the ahi salad. Dressing on the side, please.” “Good choice,” Des said. “I’ll have the mahi mahi, grilled, no butter, with the steamed vegetables.” Shayne figured being an athlete Des wouldn’t eat anything like fish and chips. He decided to order healthy himself so he didn’t have to get a lecture on arteries or any of that. Once, over the summer, Shayne had gone on a date with a guy who wanted to be a nutritionist. The guy had a meltdown when Shayne ordered a hamburger. “Anyway,” Des said, inserting his straw into the glass of iced tea. “I guess, really, I’ve always thought about maybe being a doctor. So, the answer to your question is, once I got the biology degree I’d move on to medical school. I’ve been taking classes geared toward that possibility.” “Wow, a doctor? I never would have thought.” “The jock thing again?” Des smirked. Shayne had the grace to blush anyway. He cleared his throat. “Er, no. I just… I don’t know why. I bet your parents would rather you choose the doctor.” Des shook his head. “No way. They’re for the pro football career all the way. My dad played ball in college but was never quite good enough.” “So he lives through you?” Shayne thought of the pressure comment again. 34

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“Pretty much. Football has always been a big thing to my family.” “Got siblings?” “Yeah, my brother, Matt, and my sister, Angela.” Shayne nodded. “Your brother play, too?” “Some in high school, but he went into the military. Wants to be a pilot.” Des shrugged. “Also an approved career for my family.” “Still, I’d think a doctor was, too.” “Sure, they won’t disown me and they’d proudly talk about their son the doctor, but so much the better to talk about their famous quarterback son.” He detected more than a little bitterness in Des’s tone, but he decided to drop it. Since this was their first date Des’s choices were hardly his business. And he couldn’t deny feeling a sense of obligation to his own family. “Try the shrimp,” Des said, gesturing to the shrimp cocktail in a big goblet between them. “It’s fantastic.” A while later, their bellies full and dessert declined, Des pulled out his wallet to pay the bill. Shayne reached for his in his back pocket. “No, I’m taking you to dinner.” Des waved his money away. Since Shayne didn’t have a lot of money he decided not to argue about it. If they went out again there would be ample opportunities for him to pay for things. On the drive back to his house, Shayne wondered if he should invite Des inside. It was after nine so his grandfather would have gone to bed and he knew his mother wouldn’t disturb them either. They’d have privacy if Des wanted to go to his bedroom. He suspected Des would willingly, but did Shayne want him to? He 35

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did, of course, but would that make him a slut? And if it did, did he care? “Want to come in for a bit?” he asked when Des pulled his Mustang up to the curb in front of his house. “Your family won’t mind?’ Shayne shook his head. “No, I can have all the privacy I want.” Des smiled. “I’d love to, then.” Now that he’d asked and been accepted, Shayne found himself incredibly nervous. What if Des decided he didn’t really like Shayne? What if he laughed? What if— “Hey, you okay?” Des grabbed Shayne’s hand as they made their way to the front door. He forced a nonchalant smile. “Sure.” He opened the door and, as he thought would be the case, the house was quiet and only a single lamp was lit in the living room, left on for him by his mother. “My room is the first one on the left,” Shayne explained. He let Des go in front of him and he clicked off the light. He could see a soft yellow glow under his mother’s door so he knew she was probably up reading or watching television, but there was no light coming from his grandfather’s room. As he pushed open the door to his own room, Shayne winced. He had some clothes on the floor and an empty paper plate he’d had cake on a couple of days before sitting on his dresser. Feeling his face burn, Shayne quickly scooped up a pair of underwear and jeans and put them in the hamper and then he tossed the plate in his wastebasket. “Sorry.” Des laughed. “Don’t worry about it. My room looks about the same. Mind if I close the door?” “No, good idea.” 36

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Des closed Shayne’s bedroom door and he almost told him to lock it, but really, he knew neither his mother nor grandfather would come barging into his room unless he screamed like he was being murdered. Swallowing down an urge to tell Des to leave after all, Shayne turned off the overhead light, leaving his room illuminated only by a small jewel green dragon lamp he’d purchased at a fair the year before last. It sat on the table next to Shayne’s double bed, which butted up against the room’s window. “Is it okay if I lie down on your bed?” Des asked, and Shayne nodded, glad Des was taking an active role because he wasn’t sure what to do or how to go about this. Des toed off his sneakers, but otherwise left his clothes intact and lay down on the side closest to the window. He patted the space next to him. Following his lead, Shayne discarded his shoes and then lay next to Des, on his back, as Des was. He blew out a breath, wondering if Des could guess he was freaking out a bit. Des turned a little to his side so he could look at Shayne, so Shayne did the same. It seemed rude not to look at Des if he were going to look at him. Des smiled a little but Shayne was relieved to see he saw only kindness and sexual interest. “Want to turn off the lamp?” Des asked softly. “Okay.” Shayne actually liked the idea. If it was dark, well, Des wouldn’t see all his flaws or try to guess what he was thinking. He reached over and turned the knob, turning the room to darkness, save for a small sliver of moon coming in through the window blinds. Des took hold of his hand and wrapped his fingers around Shayne’s palm. “How much experience do you have, Shayne?” 37

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He decided to be honest. No sense lying. “Just a little.” “Like what?” He shrugged in the dark. “I went with my mother and grandmother in the summer to visit family in Ohio. There was this guy who lived near my relatives and we played around.” “When you say played around, did you—” Shayne swallowed. “Yes. O-only a couple of times, though. The other times we just jerked each other off and did some blow jobs.” Des had started to stroke his fingers along Shayne’s hand, to his wrist and up his arm. Tingles of awareness went through him and straight to his cock, causing it to harden instantly. “Were you… did he fuck you?” Des asked. He felt his ears burn, which was silly to blush when you were lying in the dark. “Yes.” “And you liked it? He didn’t hurt you?’ “I did and, no, he didn’t.” Those fantastic fingers now caressed his biceps, drawing little circles. “Would you let me fuck you?” Oh, God. He opened his mouth to answer, but all that came out was a squeak. “I’ll be gentle, Shayne.” “Okay,” he finally managed to say a word. “How many have you been with?” “Not that many. Three.” “And you fucked them?” Des’s fingers slid over to Shayne’s chest and smoothed them over his shirt. “Yes. But I don’t care about them. I don’t want to 38

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talk about them. I only want to talk about you. Us. Together.” Shayne could barely think let alone reply when Des brushed his thumb over Shayne’s bottom lip. His dick pressed painfully against his pants, straining, aching. He moved his hand down to his crotch to squeeze it for relief. It was like Des could see in the dark, because suddenly his hand was over Shayne’s, pressing on his cock. A moan escaped his lips, but he couldn’t hold it back. “Do you have the stuff?” Des whispered close to Shayne’s ear. “The stuff?” “Condoms and lube.” He bit his lip and closed his eyes. “Damn. No condoms.” Des’s hot breath grazed across his face just before Shayne felt lips on his jaw. “I’ve got a pre-lubed condom in my wallet, so no worries there, but we need more lube than that.” Shayne blew out a breath. “I’ve got that.” “Excellent. I hope it’s within reaching distance because I don’t want you to move.” A large warm hand slipped under his shirt. “You’ve got amazing skin.” “You think?” “Definitely. This is why I wanted the light out. I wanted the only senses to be touch, taste and smell.” He shook as Des nipped his chin. “And sound.” “Mmm, yes, I definitely don’t want to forget that. I want to hear every last breathless gasp from your lips while I make you come.” Des’s hands moved down to the snaps of Shayne’s jeans. “Let’s get you out of these.” “Okay, let me just get the lube.” He turned to his side so he could reach the little end table where the lamp sat, and he opened 39

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the single shallow drawer. He felt around for the small bottle he kept there for jerking off purposes. Finally his fingers closed around it and he handed it to Des. “Thanks. I’ll get to that soon,” Des said. “I have something else in mind at the moment.” “What?” “Kissing you over and over.” He cupped Shayne’s jaw, turning Shayne’s head toward him. “I’ve been imagining the taste of these lips since I first saw you.” Shayne shook all over as Des hovered over him, his mouth less than an inch away from his now. “At the bookstore?” “No,” Des whispered, brushing his lips over Shayne’s all too briefly, teasingly. “No? When then?” “I noticed you back in high school,” Des admitted. “I wanted you then.” He couldn’t believe it and almost called Des a liar, but then he figured Des was just trying to charm him, so he didn’t argue the point. They were both going to get what they wanted anyway. Shayne closed his eyes as once more Des’s mouth covered his, this time a real kiss instead of just a tease. Deep and hard Des kissed him, almost bruising, but Shayne liked it. He heard a whimper and knew with some embarrassment it came from him. As he gave himself into the kisses, Shayne felt Des’s hands all over him, tugging off his pants and underwear, removing his shirt. He lifted up when it was needed but otherwise he let Des take control, and suddenly he lay in the dark on his bed naked while Des lay next to him fully clothed. He was too turned on to feel especially vulnerable and the hands now roaming across his bare skin were like heaven. Des’s 40

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hand closed over Shayne’s hard dick and he cried out loud enough for the neighbors to hear, but Des’s mouth possessed his, swallowing any sound he made. Des fisted his cock, stroking it hard and fast, so much sensation it was nearly unbearable. “Des, please.” He managed to break the contact of their lips enough to plead. “Yes, please,” Des agreed. “Please come. And after you do, I’ll make you come again.” Shayne shook his head. “I don’t think I can.” “You can, you’ll see.” As if to prove it, Shayne’s balls pulled tight, and his cock pulsed with the need to come. “Des.” Des smiled against his lips. “Shayne.” And the sound of his name from Des finally ended his control as cum squirted out his dick and over Des’s still stroking fingers. Okay, so that was way better than do-it-yourself. Trying to catch his breath, Shayne pushed at Des’s hand, trying to get him to stop stroking his overly sensitive flesh. “Oh, no.” Des laughed. “I told you, I want to make you come again.” “Give-give me a minute, please?” Des sighed. “All right, but just a short break.” Shayne nodded, even though Des couldn’t see it in the dark. “How about you take your clothes off now?” Des kissed him again until his was breathless. “I could do that,” he said when he broke away. “But I’m thinking the first time I fuck you, I’m going to have my clothes on.” He heard him unfastening his pants and he felt Des shift next to him as he lowered his pants just far enough, apparently to expose 41

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his cock. Shayne licked his lips and wondered how big Des actually was. Only one way to find out. He reached for Des’s dick. “Ah, damn,” Des said with a groan as Shayne’s thumb grazed over the tip. He was thick and long, just as Shayne had expected. He would definitely need a lot of lube to be able take Des. “You’re, uh, rather large,” he whispered, feeling himself blush. “Does that make you nervous?” Des turned a little to face him, pushing his shaft farther into Shayne’s grasp. Before Shayne could answer Des stole a few more kisses, they alternated between light, teasing kisses and deep, soul-stealing kisses as though he wanted to keep Shayne guessing. “A little. The guy I had before wasn’t very big. He was around the same height and weight as me and his dick was pretty average sized.” “I’ll be as gentle as you need, Shayne, I promise.” He wondered if Des was maybe too good to be true. It seemed like he was. “Okay.” “Okay? So, I can commence touching you again?” Des asked, with just a touch of laughter in his voice. Shayne laughed. “Yes, touch away.” And touch he did. Des’s hands and lips were everywhere on him, even as he continued to stroke Des’s hard cock. Teeth nipped his throat, his nipples, his abs. He gasped with each new sensation. True to Des’s claims, Shayne felt his own dick rising and filling again as if he hadn’t just come. Each time, Des’s fingers teased him, his cock jumped in appreciation. “I can’t hold back much longer, Shayne. Where’d I put the damn lube?” They both felt for it in the darkness until Des made a sound of 42

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satisfaction. “Lie on your stomach,” he ordered. Or it seemed like an order to Shayne. Anyway, he complied, turning to lie flat, although he slid his hand between the mattress and his body to touch his prick. Turning his face into his pillow as he heard the squirt of the lube, Shayne waited to feel the slickness inside of him. He didn’t have to wait long as a long, blunt finger pushed inside him, past the ring of muscle. He bit his lip at the burn. “All right?” Des asked softly. He swallowed. “Sure.” Des thrust his finger in and out a few times and each time the sting was a little less. Shayne blew out a breath. “Do another.” More lube squirted and two fingers were inside him, working in him, spreading him. The sting was a little less but still caused him to let out a steadying breath. “Too fast?” Des’s fingers stilled. “No, it’s all right. Just getting used to it.” Des placed a soft kiss on each of his cheeks. “Ready for a third finger?” He went to nod, but then remembered the darkness. “Uh-huh.” Still more lube, which Shayne was grateful for. He decided there could never be enough lube and if he was going to continue seeing Des he definitely needed to go out and buy more. And condoms, too. The three fingers thrusting in him tore a moan from him. “Bad?” “No, no, good.” Though the burn was still there a bit, the good outweighed the bad and suddenly he wanted to feel Des’s cock in his ass. “I’m ready.” 43

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He heard Des’s sharp intake of breath. The fingers withdrew and Des sat back. He heard the tear of the foil wrapper. Anticipation shook him and Shayne scooted up and spread his knees, waiting for Des to fill him. He worked his hand over his own cock, knowing he was close to coming again. Des’s jeans grazed Shayne’s bare skin as he positioned himself to enter Shayne. “God, I can’t wait.” “Don’t.” Des groaned, grabbed Shayne’s cheeks to hold them apart, and slowly pushed the head of his cock into Shayne’s hole. “Ah, fuck, you’re so tight, Shay.” He couldn’t make any sound, the words catching in his throat as Des stretched and filled him. The burn was back and he tried his best to relax and let Des in. He wanted this. Desperately. “Shay? Is it all right?” “Gah.” “What does that mean?” Des’s voice sounded strained, his breathing shallow. “Shay?” “Yes, more.” His body shook, his balls drew impossibly tight. Des’s cock pressed in farther, all the way in, and Shayne and Des moaned as one. Des drew back and began to thrust fast and deep. Somehow the feel of Des’s clothes rubbing against Shayne as Des pounded into him excited him. Shayne buried his face in his pillow, smothering his groans of pleasure as the tingle of another orgasm teased his spine. “So fucking good,” Des said, his hips snapping over and over again. “Dessssss.” Cum covered his hand as his cock released. “Ah, fuck.” Des’s fingers dug into him even as he tensed and 44

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filled the condom. Des collapsed on him, his breath coming out in heavy, short gasps. Shayne shifted under the much heavier, bigger man. “Oh, sorry.” Des moved off him, lying beside him. “Too heavy?” “A little.” Shayne smiled in the darkness, exhaustion causing his eyelids to lower. “Wow.” “Yeah, wow. We’re doing that again.” “Ah, geez.” Des chuckled. “Well, not now. I’ll wait until morning before breakfast.” “Morning?” His eyelids opened and he stared at Des in the darkness. “That soon?” Des sat up and yanked off his shirt and tossed it off the bed. Then he lay down and shimmied out of his jeans. “Oh yeah.” “What about another condom?” “As it happens, I keep a strip of them in my wallet. I was a Scout as a kid.” Des leaned over and took possession of Shayne’s lips. “Can I stay? I mean, I’m just assuming.” “Mmm. Yes, you can stay.” “Sweet.” Shayne laughed. “Yeah, sweet.”

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CHAPTER 5 Des woke up to a semi-dark room, butted up against a wall with a window, his arm around a warm body. For a moment, his mind couldn’t make sense of any of it. Shayne. Now he remembered, though his cock certainly already had. It was hard enough to pound nails and aching to be inside the man cuddled to him. Shayne lay on his side with his back and ass against Des’s chest and cock. The perfect position for some more fun. And since it seemed like it was early enough no one else would be up and about, Des didn’t see any reason not to. He reached behind him to feel the windowsill. He’d set the strip of condoms from his wallet and the lube there last night before going to sleep. Always prepared, he thought with a grin. 46

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Without waking Shay, he tore the wrapper and rolled the condom over his erection, biting his lip to keep the groan inside as he grasped his cock. If he didn’t want to come before even getting inside the man in bed with him, he’d better not touch himself too much. He leaned close to the back of Shayne’s neck and placed a kiss there. After all, he didn’t want to fuck Shayne while he still slept. Des moved his lips to Shayne’s ear, even as he rubbed his sheathed cock against the crease of Shayne’s ass. “Shay,” he whispered. Shayne stirred, moving just a little, but not opening his eyes. He was unsure if he was awake or not. Des sucked on Shayne’s earlobe. A sharp intake of breath told him Shayne had awakened. “Des?” Shayne sounded shaky or was that aroused? “Morning.” He trailed his lips from Shayne’s ear down to the pulse of his throat. “I want you.” Shayne moaned and pushed his ass back against Des’s aching cock. “That much is obvious.” Des sloshed lube all over his fingers. “I don’t think anyone’s awake yet.” “Ah, yeah,” Shayne said, bending his neck to allow Des better access. “It’s only five-thirty. No one gets up that early. Except you apparently.” Des chuckled, and sucked at Shayne’s neck, surely leaving a mark, but he liked that idea. He needed to talk to Shayne later about a few things, one of which was not going out with the guy Des had seen him with. He lifted Shayne’s leg with a knee and slipped a lubed finger inside Shayne’s entrance. At Shayne’s hiss, Des paused, but then Shayne moaned and pushed back against the intrusion. Swallowing 47

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a deep moan of his own, Des added in the second finger, spreading Shayne. “Are you a little sore from last night?” he thought to ask as he nipped Shayne’s shoulder. “Uh-huh.” Hesitating, Des asked, “Want me to stop?” “Fuck, no, I’ll kill you if you do.” Laughing, Des withdrew his fingers and pushed the tip of his cock between Shayne’s perfect tight cheeks. Christ. He was ready to come with just the head in, but he pushed past the ring of muscle and farther still until he was flush against Shayne’s ass. “God, Des, fuck me,” Shayne said, gasping. Des hooked an arm around Shayne’s middle and kneed his leg to spread farther for easier access as Des pounded into him. He’d had other guys before, Des was no virgin. Though he always practiced discretion with his hook ups, he’d never met a guy he wanted like this, for several times, over and over. Having Shayne as a boyfriend, which is what Des admitted he wanted, could be tricky. But he intended to do whatever he could to convince Shayne to stick with him. One of Shayne’s hands worked furiously on his own cock, jerking himself in short, frantic yanks. The only sounds in the bedroom, just now lightening with the first rays of dawn, were their labored breaths and the slap of bare skin against bare skin as Des thrust into Shayne again and again. “Des, gonna come.” His own balls tightened in response. “Thank God, I can’t hold it much longer.” 48

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Shayne growled low in his throat as cum shot over his hand. Des snapped his hips faster, riding his own powerful release, burying his face in Shayne’s neck, trying to keep from shouting to wake the whole fucking household. When he could move, Des slowly slipped out of Shayne, and then, after discarding the condom onto the windowsill, temporarily, pulled him close. Yawning, he asked, “Do you have any classes this morning?” “My first one is ten,” Shayne said, wearily. “You?” “Not until this afternoon.” He was supposed to have football practice but he was of a mind to skip it that morning. He didn’t feel like going anywhere just yet. Before sleep overtook him, though, he did want to get one thing said. “Shay?” “Hmm?” “You’re not still going out with that guy Friday night, are you?” He hoped he didn’t sound as vulnerable as he felt asking that question. He wasn’t sure what he would say if Shayne said he still planned on seeing the other guy. “You don’t want me to?” “No, I don’t.” On some level, Des knew it was wrong of him to ask Shayne to see only him considering what he wanted to talk to Shayne about later when they were both awake enough to talk about it. But it was still what he wanted. “I know, maybe, it’s a little too soon to be talking exclusives. That’s what I want. We need to talk about something, but it can wait until we get up.” “All right.” “Is that all right you won’t see that other guy?” Des pushed his luck. Shayne laughed softly. “Yes, Des. But the same goes for you.” He smiled in the semi-darkness. “Trust me, you don’t need to 49

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worry about that.” And then he heard Shayne softly snoring. *

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Des woke for the second time that morning to bright sunlight streaming in through the partially open blinds and an empty bed. His hand brushed the spot on the mattress where Shayne had lain not too long before. Back to reality, he supposed. He stretched and rolled over to the edge of the bed to see the time on Shayne’s digital clock. Nearly seven-thirty. He got out of bed and looked for his pants. Fishing his cell phone out of his back pocket, he texted Evan to say he wouldn’t be at practice at eight, and then he pulled on the jeans. He knew the type of house Shayne lived in and he was pretty sure there was just one bathroom and it would be in the hallway outside the three bedrooms. It was a typical San Fernando Valley house built in the fifties and they were all like that. And damn, but Des had to pee. Des opened the closed bedroom door and peaked his head out. He didn’t see anyone lurking in the hallway, so he slipped out of the door and went down the hall. Unfortunately, the damn bathroom door was closed and he could hear the shower running. No doubt where Shayne had run off to when he’d left the bedroom. And then when he turned to go back to Shayne’s room, he ran smack into Shayne’s mother. “Um, sorry, Mrs. Ralston.” She still wore her pajamas and a lilac colored robe, but her shoulder length blonde hair had already been combed and styled. She smiled. “First, call me Jan. I’ve not been Mrs. Ralston since Shayne’s daddy ran out on us. Second, if you have to go to the 50

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bathroom, just go on in. It’s only Shayne in there. Third, when you’re done, come on out to the kitchen. I’ve made coffee and breakfast is nearly done.” He returned her smile, relaxing. “Oh, great. Thanks.” She winked and disappeared down the hall toward the direction of what he assumed was her bedroom. Des decided he had to pee bad enough to do as she suggested and with a short rap on the bathroom door, he turned the knob and was relieved to find Shayne hadn’t locked it. “Shay?” “Yeah.” “It’s just me. I have to take a leak.” Steam swirled around the shower and he wondered how hot Shayne kept it. Shayne was behind an opaque blue shower curtain, so, unfortunately he didn’t get an eyeful. “Okay, go ahead,” Shayne said. Des took care of business, decided not to flush the toilet in case that changed the water in the shower, and then quickly washed his hands. “All done.” “All right, see you in a few,” Shayne answered from the shower. “I’m almost done.” Des started to walk to the door, but he paused in front of the shower curtain. Would it hurt to take a peek? Last night it had been too dark to see much and even this morning, the rays of dawn hadn’t allowed for much of a few of Shayne’s body. His hand curved over the edge of the curtain and he pulled it aside. Shayne stood under the water spray, his back and buttocks to Des. Despite Shayne not being an athlete, he had a muscular back and his butt cheeks were round and perfect. Des nearly swallowed his tongue. 51

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“Pervert,” Shayne said without turning around. Des laughed. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.” “Apparently. You want a front view, too?” “Of course, if you’re offering.” Shayne sighed. “All right but make the ogling quick.” He turned around to face Des, his six-pack abs dusted with just a smattering of hair. His biceps were nicely defined and his pecs rivaled that of some of his teammates, sculpted and muscular without being too he-man. “Goddamn, Shay, you are so fucking hot.” Shayne snorted. “Right.” “It’s true. Hell, I’m horny all over again.” “Did you ever stop being horny?” He had a point, Des realized. “Well, no.” “Get out. I’m not having sex with you in my family’s shower.” Shayne waved his hands at him and turned back around to show his ass. With a groan, Des dropped the shower curtain, told his thickening cock to behave and stepped out of the bathroom. After fetching his shirt from the bedroom and pulling it on, Des walked into the kitchen. Shayne’s mother was next to the stove, dressed now in slacks and a sort of smock Des figured she wore to do hair. Shayne’s grandfather sat at a little dinette set, a newspaper in hand, a cup of coffee in front of him, “Good morning,” Des said. He’d never had breakfast with the family of someone he’d fucked the night before. In fact, he never woke up with anyone the next day after sex, never having spent the night at someone’s house before. He wasn’t quite sure how to act. “Good morning.” Shayne’s mother pointed to the coffeemaker 52

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with a spatula. “Help yourself. I set out some mugs in front of it. You can use any of them.” Des picked up an apple green mug and filled it with the steaming brew. Next to the pot she’d also laid out half-and-half and several flavored creamers. Des poured a large dollop of hazelnut into his mug. “How does Shayne like his?” She smiled. “Just half-and-half.” Des poured coffee into a red mug and sloshed half-and-half into it. He took both mugs to the dinette set and sat across from Shayne’s grandfather. The old man lowered his newspaper and eyed Des. “Who are you?” Shayne entered the kitchen at that moment, dressed in baggy jeans and a brown T-shirt, his feet still bare, and drying his dark hair with a towel. “Good morning. Gramps, this is my friend Desmond. We went out last night.” “Oh.” His grandfather nodded. “And you had a sleepover.” Shayne’s lips twitched. “Yes, that’s right. Is that coffee for me?” Des smiled. He couldn’t help thinking how fucking adorable Shayne was. And his family, too. He could so get used to this. So different from the cool aloofness of his own family. “It is.” “Thank you.” He took the seat next to Des on the one side and his grandfather on the other side. “How’d you sleep, Gramps?” The old man shrugged. “Not too bad. Woke up a few times hearing some noises. But I guess it must have been you boys.” Des choked on a sip of coffee. He felt his face go flaming hot. He glanced at Shayne expecting to see a similar reaction, but Shayne smiled serenely. “Could have been,” Shayne acknowledged. “We’ll try to be 53

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quieter next time.” His grandfather shook his head. “No, it wasn’t anything. I went right back to sleep. And boys will be boys.” “That’s certainly true,” Shayne’s mother said from her spot by the stove. “Bacon or sausage or both, Des?” His stomach rumbled as though the mere mention of food reminded it he was hungry. “Both, please.” “Great choice.” Shayne grinned. “Bacon for me, Mom.” She rolled her eyes. “I knew that. You can eat your weight in bacon.” Shayne laughed and the joyful sound filled Des with such warmth he couldn’t help but grin. Yeah, he could definitely get used to this. If Shayne would agree to his terms. But Des was afraid Shayne would tell him to go fly a kite. “What are you boys doing tonight?” Shayne’s mom asked. “Not sure, Mom, why?” She shrugged. “I’m making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner if Des would like to come.” He liked the sound of that and glanced over at Shayne to see his reaction. Shayne was smiling. “Sounds great, if Des wants to.” Des nodded. “Sounds great to me, too. What time should I be over?” “About seven or so. How do you want your eggs?” Later, after breakfast, Des gave Shayne a quick kiss in his bedroom when he followed Shayne. He’d gone to fetch his backpack full of books. He knew he should probably talk to Shayne now about not exactly being out and proud, but, well, it could wait. At least for another day or so. Des didn’t want to spoil things and he really liked Shayne. 54

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“I’ll see you tonight,” Des said, giving him one more all too brief kiss. Shayne’s smile was simply adorable. “Yeah, see you tonight.” He hesitated. “Maybe, you know, perhaps—” “Maybe perhaps what?” Des did his best to look nonchalant. “I could spend the night again.” Shayne raised an eyebrow. “Maybe, perhaps.” He laughed, pushing open Shayne’s bedroom door. “Okay, see you tonight.”

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CHAPTER 6 “Hey, Bart, wait up,” Shayne called out to his best friend when he spotted the redhead walking toward the college library a few paces ahead of him. Bart stopped and turned to him with a smile. “Hi. I didn’t see you.” “I know. You were in your own little world. You all right?’ For a moment Bart’s crystal blue eyes clouded over. But then he shook his head and his eyes cleared. “I’m fine. Just thinking about a class assignment.” “Were you headed to the library?” “Uh-huh. You have another class?” “No, thank God, I’m done for the day. Heading home in a few.” Shayne always worried a bit about Bart. His friend was 56

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slight and thin and Shayne didn’t think he ate enough. Plus, Bart lived in a dumpy apartment with his little sister and their abusive father. Shayne always checked Bart for bruises. At least on parts of his body that weren’t covered up. He didn’t see any new ones today. “Listen, my mom’s cooking spaghetti and meatballs tonight and I’m sure there will be plenty to go around. You want to come over?” Hopefully, Des wouldn’t mind him inviting Bart. He knew his mom wouldn’t. Bart’s plump lips curved. “That sounds really good, but I have plans.” “Plans? You aren’t working tonight, are you? I thought you were off Wednesdays.” “No, I, it’s not work.” Bart turned a dark shade of red that nearly matched his hair. Shayne frowned. “Well, then… wait. Do you have like a date?” Bart rolled his eyes. “Yes, okay, I do.” “Oh, my God. With who?’ His friend looked away, not to the ground exactly, but a little to the right and low. “I’d rather not say. Just yet.” “Why?” “It’s just… it’s a little soon. I’m not even sure what’s going on and I don’t really want to talk about it.” Instantly on alert, Shayne touched Bart’s arm. “Are you sure about this? I mean, who is it? You haven’t mentioned anyone.” “Not now, Shayne. I know what you’re thinking, but I don’t think this guy is like that guy from high school.” “But he’s a jock?” Shayne knew the kind of guys Bart was attracted to. Guys actually similar to Des. Athletic, sports-oriented types. Like the asshole in high school. It had led to Bart’s disappointment many times because most jocks, if they liked guys, 57

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which was a big if, didn’t go for Bart’s glam look. Bart nodded. “Yeah.” He blew out a breath. “Okay, just be careful.” “I know.” “I’m actually seeing someone myself,” Shayne said, deciding to change the subject to ease Bart’s obvious discomfort. “You are? Who?” “Des Stratton.” Bart’s jaw dropped. “What? Since when?” He knew he was grinning like an idiot, but he couldn’t help it. So far things were going very well with Des. Better than he’d expected, really, given his earlier trepidation. Of course it was early enough he might still fuck it up. “We went out last night and he spent the night.” His friend blinked, his eyes wide. “You’ve already?’ Now it was his turn to blush. “Yeah. And he’s coming over tonight.” “Oh, my God. Is he… was he… you know… good?” “Hell yeah. It was amazing.” Bart just nodded, his blue eyes round and wide like an anime character. “You, um, haven’t yet with the guy you’re seeing?” “No, tonight is our first date,” Bart admitted. “I doubt he’s going to want to.” “What about you? Will you want to?” Shayne tried to keep the concern out of his voice. He worried too much about Bart. All the crap that went on in high school with the asshole was never very far from his mind. Bart shrugged. “I doubt it will come up.” “If it does?” 58

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“Then, I guess I’ll see. I don’t know. I don’t want to decide before it happens.” Shayne smiled. “Okay. Well, go ahead and get your library stuff out of the way. Call me tomorrow because I want to hear about your date.” Bart inclined his head. “Okay. See you, Shayne.” He was tempted to follow Bart as his friend made his way toward the library, but Shayne didn’t. He couldn’t help his overprotection instincts. Bart was an adult, but in the past he’d shown he couldn’t take care of himself very well. Not that Shayne was some big, tough guy, but he would do whatever it took to protect Bart from being hurt like before. *

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When Shayne first got home after classes he made sure to go right to his bedroom and his laptop so he could get all of his class assignments out of the way before Des would be due to arrive. Gramps had been napping and his mother still had a house full of salon customers. He kept his bedroom door open to listen in case his grandfather needed anything, so he was subjected to the gossip from the ladies. He tried to ignore it for the most part. “She came home and found him in bed with the housekeeper.” “Oh, my God. Wait, Betty has a housekeeper?” “She has for like two years.” “How does she afford it?” “Beats me. But can you believe that?” “Were they in the act when she saw them?” “She was on top, bobbing up and down.” Shayne rolled his eyes and groaned. He was dying of thirst and 59

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wanted an iced tea, but that meant going to where all the women were. He pushed his chair back from his desk and headed toward the kitchen. “Oh, look, Jan, there’s your boy.” His mother turned. “Hey, sweetie.” “Just getting a drink. Don’t mind me.” The ladies, three of them, one of which his mother was currently working on, smiled wide at him. He smiled back. “You got a girlfriend yet?” one of them asked. “Myrtle, the boy’s gay,” the one next to her said. “Gay?” “Homosexual. He doesn’t like girls, he likes boys.” “Oh.” Shayne felt his ears burn. He grabbed the pitcher of tea from the fridge. Pour the iced tea and make your escape. “Do you have a boyfriend yet?” the same one asked. His mother laughed. He wanted to kill her. “He just might at that,” she declared. “He had a very handsome young man over last night and he’s coming again tonight.” Gritting his teeth, he poured the tea into a glass overloaded with ice. “Mom.” “Am I lying?” “It’s too early to call him my boyfriend,” Shayne muttered. “Okay, okay, if you say so. Is he staying over again?” All eyes were on him as he slipped out of the kitchen and into the dining room salon. Shayne wished they had continued to talk about the woman’s husband and the housekeeper. Maybe he should have done his class assignments at the library with Bart. Too bad he liked to keep an eye on Gramps. 60

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“I don’t know. Yeah. Um, gotta get back to studying.” As he went back to his room he heard his mother say, “He’s so shy.” *

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Des had arrived a little early, which was fine with Shayne, he’d been glad to see him. It also meant that his mom hadn’t finished making dinner, so the two of them were in the backyard sitting in the old-fashioned loveseat swing. Because it was an older home the backyard was large, and now, thanks somewhat to Shayne’s laziness, overgrown. Back when his grandmother was alive she had kept a garden where she’d grown veggies and berries. Unfortunately for the garden, none of the three of them—him, Gramps or his mother—were gardeners and it had faded into nothing but weeds since her passing. The whole yard needed a good mowing and he supposed he should see to it one of these days soon. Yard work had always been the bane of his existence. “This is nice,” Des said, sitting next to him, surveying the yard. Shayne laughed. “It needs work, I know. You’ve got me feeling guilty.” “Why?” “Well, we never have guests come out here anymore and now that you are I can see how it must look from your eyes. My grandmother took such care of it all and I’ve just let it go to waste. I suck.” Des reached for his hand and held their entwined hands on his lap. “It’s not so bad. Just needs a little tender care. I could mow the lawn for you if have a mower.” 61

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“Seriously? You’d do that?” Des grinned. “Sure.” “Oh, my God, I think I’m in love.” “I didn’t know it was that easy to gain your love.” Shayne snorted. “Okay, maybe not in love, but definitely high octane lust.” Des nodded. “I can work with that.” He sighed. “I wish we could afford a gardener. I wish we could afford a lot of things, really.” “Money’s tight?” “That’s an understatement. We live on Gramps’s retirement and social security and what Mom brings in from the salon. I wanted to work at least part-time, but it’s hard with financial aid paying for school, and then my mom was discouraging it, too. She said there was plenty of time to work once I got my degree. Plus, she wants me around in the evenings to help with Gramps.” “She’s right about that.” “In the meantime, money sucks and neither my mom nor I have health insurance. And I’m always worried about the salon. She doesn’t have a license to run it in the house and one bitchy neighbor could ruin everything for her.” “Yeah, I can see that,” Des said. “Has she thought about getting a job in an outside salon?” “She worked at one for years until the owner died. She’s looked around but most places only want part-time stylists due to cutbacks in the economy.” Shayne kicked his feet. “And then there’s Gramps. I’m sure you’ve noticed he’s not all there. I worry about having to put him into a home. We can’t afford that.” “I’m sorry, Shay.” Des brought Shayne’s hands to his lips and he placed a brief kiss on Shayne’s knuckles. “I didn’t know things 62

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were so bad. It must be pretty stressful.” “Yeah, and I’m sorry. I must seem like such a whiner.” “You aren’t a whiner. I wish I could take away all your stress and money problems.” He smiled. “Thanks. I feel a little better just having someone to talk to about it. I don’t like to talk about it too much with Mom because it worries her, too. And Bart, well, he has his own problems and they’re worse than mine.” “Yeah?” “Yeah, he lives with his dad and younger sister. His dad’s a bigoted drunk who uses Bart as a punching bag.” Des winced. “Why doesn’t he leave?” “I’d have him come live here if I could, Mom would go for it, but Bart won’t leave his sister there and she’s still a minor. He says as soon as she’s eighteen and out of high school, he’ll take both of them out of there.” “His mom out of the picture?” “She died of breast cancer five years ago. They lost their house and Bart’s dad became a drunk. I don’t know. Bart works part-time at a fast food place. I feel like I should, too.” “I understand, Shay, but you can’t live your life based on what Bart’s going through,” Des said gently. “I guess.” The narrow white door that led from the kitchen to the backyard opened and his mom stuck her head out. “Dinner, boys.” “Yum, I’m starving,” Des declared, rising and pulling Shayne up with him. *

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“You’re not too full, are you?” Shayne asked Des as he closed his bedroom door. They’d had dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, and even played Trivial Pursuit with his mom and grandfather. “You did eat two helpings of spaghetti and like two loaves of garlic bread.” Des laughed. “I did not. I ate three slices.” Shayne bent down next to his dresser and picked up the plastic bag he’d got from the drugstore earlier on his way home from school. The bag held two brand new boxes of condoms and more lube. Des grabbed the bag condoms and lube out of his hands and set it by the bed. “Sweet.” Shayne bit his lip and eyed Des. How exactly did he bring up what he wanted to do? Just come out with it? He guessed so. “Des?” “Yeah?” “Have you… you’ve always topped?” Des smiled. “Sure.” “I was wondering if that was because you didn’t want to-to—” Des came to him and pulled him close. “What are you asking me, Shay? Are you wanting to fuck me?” He buried his face in Des’s shoulder. “Um, maybe, yeah.” Des put a finger under Shayne’s chin to lift it so their gazes locked. “Don’t be shy. I think that’s a great idea.” Shayne blinked. “You do?” Des grinned. “Oh, yeah. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have fuck me than you, Shay.” And then Des was covering his lips with his own in a passionate kiss that stole Shayne’s breath. Shayne wrapped his arms around Des’s waist, pulling their bodies closer still. 64

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A moan rumbled low in his chest and his cock rose and filled painfully hard. His hands moved from Des’s waist to the man’s ass, round and perfect. The thought of burying himself in the tightness had him shaking with powerful lust. “Time to get naked,” Des whispered. He walked to the dragon lamp and clicked it on, then turned off the overhead light so the bedroom was only softly lit. For a moment, Shayne just stared as Des pulled off his T-shirt. The man’s body was perfect, so toned, so muscular, like you’d expect a quarterback’s body to be. His skin was a light golden brown as though he spent a lot of time in the sun without his shirt on. His gaze locked on Des’s pecs. He couldn’t imagine what a god like this would see in skinny scrawny him. “Shay, clothes.” He blinked. “Yeah.” Shayne put his fingers on the hem of his shirt and he pulled it up and over his head. He kept his gaze downcast, deciding watching Des would only distract him, and as nice as Des was to look at, he wanted to do way more than look. He undid his jeans and slipped them as well as his white briefs off his hips, down his legs, and to the floor. “Fuck, Shay, you are so beautiful.” His gaze flew up to look at Des, expecting to see… Well, he didn’t know. Not mockery, exactly, but not the fire burning in his green eyes. Des was nude, his cock hard and rising between his legs. Shayne’s mouth went dry. Des held out his hand and Shayne took it, falling onto his bed with Des, their mouths fusing together. His fingers splayed through Des’s soft dark hair, deepening the kiss. Their tongues tangled, 65

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their hands roamed each over each other’s bare skin, exploring, seeking. He decided then and there Des had to be the best kisser on the planet. Not that he had a lot to compare to, but it didn’t matter. Des just was. He rubbed his aching cock against Des’s leg, the friction almost too much. The kiss broke, both of them breathing hard, Des’s eyes glazed with lust and Shayne was pretty sure his mirrored it. “I hope you’re ready to fuck me, I can’t hold on much longer,” Des said, his hand wandering between their bodies to close around Shayne’s dick. “Oh, my God, if you keep stroking me like that I’ll come before I ever get inside you.” “Then get a condom.” Shayne hung off the side of the bed to search for the plastic drug store bag and pulled it up. He sat up long enough to open the box and get a foil wrapper. He also grabbed the lube, then tossed the bag back on the floor. Des lay on his back, his hand now stroking his own cock, his gaze locked with Shayne’s. “How do you want me?” “Oh, um, I don’t know. On your stomach?” Des grinned and nodded, and then flipped over, exposing his beautifully round, tight ass. Ah, geez. First, his hands shaking, he tore open the condom wrapper and rolled the condom on. He knew he had to do it soon while he still had some ability to think. Then he opened the lube. He knew how it was done, of course. Still the prospect of slipping lubed fingers into Des’s ass had him incredibly turned on. 66

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Des looked back at him, over his shoulder, an eyebrow raised as if to say, Well?. “A little impatient?’ Shayne laughed and poured out enough lube to probably lube a tractor. He rolled his eyes at himself as some of it spilled onto Des’s leg. The man merely grinned back at him. And then he stuck a finger in Des’s hole, going very slow, careful not to hurry like some big ox. When all Des did was widen his legs, he added a second finger, still being as gentle as can he could. “Is it all right?” Des nodded, his face now buried in the pillow. Shayne bit his lip. “Then say something.” Des moaned. “Good. Very good. More. Your cock. Now.” Giddy with relief, Shayne withdrew his fingers, lubed up his sheathed dick and pushed inside Des. “Oh, Christ.” Des nodded again, but said nothing, just wiggled his ass as Shayne slid in deeper. When he was all the way in, Shayne began to thrust in and out, slowly, as to not cause too much discomfort. “Faster. Harder.” “You sure?” “Shayne,” Des said, gritting his teeth. He would have laughed if all thought weren’t focused on his cock. He did as Des demanded, though, increasing the speed and power of his thrusts. Des’s hand was under him, moving furiously on his own dick. Shayne now knew why some guys liked to top. God, the tight channel closing around him was fucking incredible. Not that he didn’t like being fucked as well. He’d be more than happy to do 67

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both. He reached for Des’s free hand and interlocked their fingers as he pounded into Des, wondering as his bed squeaked a bit if it could withstand the activity. Every part of him tingled as he felt the first fingers of his impending release. It was all too much, too new, he couldn’t last long. “Des, I’m going to—” But he didn’t get the words out before his balls tightened and he emptied into the condom with three hard thrusts. Underneath him, Des tensed, jerked, and groaned as he found his own release. Struggling to breathe, Shayne rolled off Des and pulled off the condom. He wondered for a moment if he needed his inhaler, but then his breathing calmed. Des’s arm came around him. “You all right?” He nodded. “Just had to catch my breath.” Des leaned over him, frowning. “You’re wheezing a bit.” “I’ve got asthma. It just winded me a bit. It’s better now.” “Doesn’t seem better.” He smiled and pushed a lock of hair out of Des’s eyes. “It is. I’m okay. That was amazing. What did you think?” Des kissed him and returned his smile. “It was great. Almost as great as me fucking you.” “Just almost?” “We all have our preferences. We are definitely doing that again,” Des said. “After I’ve been buried inside of you a few more times that is.” He knew by the heat in his face he was blushing, but he laughed. “I hope you don’t mean tonight.” Des shook his head. “Nah. I’ll fuck you just once tonight. When you recover.” 68

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Shayne groaned, wondering just how much sleep he would get with Des around.

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CHAPTER 7 Des forced a smile on his face, thought his gut twisted nervously, when Shayne’s grandfather opened the front door to him. “Hi, Gramps.” Shayne’s grandfather had told Des he might as well call him Gramps like Shayne did. Gramps smiled. “Come in. Jan’s still cutting hair.” He stepped inside. “And Shay?” “He’s around here somewhere.” Gramps walked back to the couch and sat to read his paper. Des knew he couldn’t delay talking to Shayne about his choices any longer. He’d spent nearly every night with Shayne for the last two weeks and he’d felt like a heel. Other than the first night when he’d taken Shayne out to dinner, they’d spent their time hanging 70

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out at Shayne’s. His family had barely seemed to notice his absence at least, wrapped up as they were in their own lives. It had come up about a week ago and Des had merely said he was staying with a friend who lived closer to the campus. That was enough for his family. They only cared as far as how much money his future football career could bring. Anyway, he needed to do some serious talking to Shayne. He risked losing him, Des knew that. It ate at him, twisting his stomach and making his heart thud fast. “Shayne’s in the backyard.” Des smiled at Shayne’s mother. Jan was still working on a customer’s hair. “Thank you. Sorry to interrupt.” She waved the comb she was using on the woman’s hair. “No worries.” Des went through the back door and located Shayne sitting on the swing with a textbook in his hand. He looked up when Des approached. “Hi, you’re early,” Shayne said, greeting him with a kiss when he sat beside Shayne. “I know. Practice got done early. Coach wasn’t feeling great.” “It’s such a nice day I decided to study outside. Place looks better now that you’ve mowed the lawn.” Shayne grinned. He held Shayne’s hand. “It was a breeze. Listen, um, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” Shayne smiled tentatively. “Sure.” “First, can I just say you are amazing and sexy and I just adore you and your family? Every minute I spend with all of you just makes me crazier about you.” And he meant every word. If Shayne told him to take a hike, which he had every right to do, Des knew it 71

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would hurt like fucking hell. “That doesn’t sound so bad,” Shayne said. Then he bit his lip. “I have a feeling you’re stalling though.” Des sighed. “Maybe a little. Shayne, I know we’ve only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks, but I don’t want to see anyone else. I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you.” Shayne nodded, his eyes serious. “Good, because I feel the same way.” “I hope you still do when I say what I have to say next.” Shayne didn’t reply, just kept his gaze steady on Des’s face, waiting. “The thing is, you know I play football.” “Yeah, Des, just come out with it.” He blew out a breath. “As you know, there’s a possibility in my future for a career in professional football, so basically, the thing is I’m not exactly out. I have a few close friends, like my cousin, Evan, who knows I’m gay, but most people, my family included, and my teammates, don’t.” “What does that mean… exactly?” “The draft will be coming up later this year and I have a decision to make about whether to declare this year or wait until I’ve finished college. Or at all. I’m not really certain I even want the football career. I just, well, there’s a lot of uncertainty.” “So, okay, what else?” “For now, we have to be discreet seeing each other.” He paused and speared his hand through his hair. “The thing is, professional sports is still pretty much a he-man kind of world and homosexuality is barely tolerated, if at all. Some strides are being made but it’s going very slow. The draft could mean signing with a great team for an insane amount of money. You’d never be able to 72

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come over to my house as my boyfriend or anything and we’d have to be careful being seen together in public or being affectionate in front of others and stuff like that.” Shayne continued to stare at him. “I see.” He swallowed. “I know, it’s awful. I’m a fucking bastard. You hate me?” Shayne closed his eyes, then bowed his head. “No, I don’t hate you. But, well, Des, I am out. It’s impossible to pretend otherwise. I don’t even want to.” “I know.” “It’s a lot to think about. I don’t know if I can see someone who wants to hide himself so thoroughly.” “I’m sorry. I know it’s fucked up.” “Yeah. We wouldn’t have to hide it here at the house,” Shayne said softly. “But basically everywhere else. That’s why we’ve pretty much stuck to hanging out here, isn’t it” He hated himself just then. He wanted to punch his own face in, but he forced himself to nod. “Yes, I’m sorry.” “So I’m supposed to be a secret until you decide what you want. Maybe you’ll never come out. I mean, think about it, Des. Do you know of any openly gay professional football players?” Des hated to admit he didn’t know any, but he couldn’t lie. “No. Shayne, I… I know it’s a lot to ask. Please, can you give me a chance?” “I don’t know, Des. I need to think.” Des nodded numbly. He didn’t like the answer but he could hardly blame Shayne. “I understand.” He did. He just hadn’t wanted to hear it. He held back his sigh. “So, I guess you don’t want to go to eat with me right now?” “Eat with you?” 73

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“Yeah, I was going to ask you to go to Henri’s Diner to meet Evan there. It was just going to be casual.” “Aren’t you afraid someone will guess you’re gay hanging out with me?” Des winced. He deserved it, yes, but it still stung. “No, I go there all the time with guys from the team. No one pays any attention.” For a minute he thought he detected a slight tremor in Shayne’s bottom lip, but he couldn’t be sure. “Okay.” “You-you’ll go?” Shayne nodded. “Yes, but when we’re done, you just drop me off at home, Des.” His chest tightened. “Yeah, I will. I’m sorry.” “All right.” Shayne stood. “Let’s go.” *

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When he pulled into a parking space in the parking lot of Henri’s, Des noticed his cousin’s Honda was already there. He decided it was at least a little promising Shayne had agreed to come along. At least he hadn’t thrown Des out altogether and told him to fuck off. He wasn’t sure what he would have done if Shayne had. Once inside the restaurant, he spotted Evan’s blond head in a corner booth. His back was to the door and next to him sat a guy with dark red hair. Des frowned as he realized the red hair was vaguely familiar. “What the hell?” Shayne muttered next to him. Then Shayne marched over to the booth, Des following closely. “Shay, what—” 74

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And then he knew why the red hair was familiar. Bart. Shayne’s best friend, Bart, sat next to Evan, on the inside of the bench. Bart’s red hair sparkled a bit as though sprinkled with glitter and his bright blue eyes had been lined with bright blue eyeliner. In one ear he wore a dangly earring made up of silver stars and flying fairies. Des blinked. “Hi.” Bart smiled shyly but Evan grinned. “Ah, you made it, sit down.” “Just a minute,” Shayne said, standing at the table. “Bart, is this the guy you’ve been seeing?” “Um.” Bart nodded. “I don’t believe this.” Des touched his arm. “Shayne.” Shayne looked at Des, his eyes narrowing. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” “Shayne, please,” Bart said softly. “It’s okay, Bart. I just want to talk to Des real quick. Be right back.” Shayne walked away, obviously expecting Des to follow. Evan raised an eyebrow. “What’s that all about?” “Not sure. Uh, order me a Coke and Shayne an iced tea.” He followed after Shayne, who had stepped outside. Shayne rounded on him when he exited the restaurant. “Is he like you?” “Like me?” “Does he hide who he is? Is he not out?” Shayne’s jaw was rigid. “Not exactly like me, no. Evan doesn’t want a football career and has already decided this is his last year on the team. He’s told his parents and a few close friends that he’s gay.” 75

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Shayne nodded. “Listen to me, Des. Does he… if he’s playing with Bart—” “Playing with him?” “Using him to make a big joke out of him, something like that.” “Shay, no. Why would you even ask that?” Shayne turned away, hugging himself. “Back in high school Bart got hurt really bad.” “Hurt?” “There was this guy on the basketball team. Bart really had the hots for him. This guy found out and asked Bart out. All he wanted to do was make a joke out of Bart. He… well, he had sex with Bart, his first time. Afterward, the next day at school, the guy and all his friends made fun of Bart in front of lots of kids at school. Then they followed him home and beat him up pretty bad. Probably would have been worse, but some of Bart’s friends decided to check on him because they knew how upset he was at what happened. The guys ran when we showed up.” Des’s gut twisted. “Oh, my God.” “Yeah.” Shayne bit his lip. “Bart ended up in the hospital. His dad refused to press charges because Bart deserved it, he said, for being a fairy.” “Asshole.” “I’m a little overprotective of him now. Bart doesn’t have a lot of people who care about him and watch out for him.” “I can see that, Shay, but I assure you Evan is not like that. If he’s seeing Bart, it’s because he likes him.” Blowing out a breath, Shayne nodded. “Okay. I trust you, so I’ll believe it.” Des’s insides warmed a little at hearing Shayne say that he trusted him. It was good to know. “Let’s go back inside.” 76

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When they reached the booth once more, Des didn’t miss the nervous look Bart shot Shayne. He let Shayne slide in first and then took his seat across from his cousin. “Everything all right?” Bart asked. Shayne smiled. “Oh, sure. Just thought of something I wanted to ask Des about. Sorry.” He turned his head to look at Evan. “How are you, Evan?” Evan’s lips twitched. “I’m good. Looks like things are going well for you two.” “Us two?” Shayne continued to smile. “Oh, no. I get it. Des and I are just friends.” “Shayne,” Des growled. “Hmm.” Evan reached for his Coke and put the straw in his mouth. Des watched Evan’s hand cover Bart’s on the table. He couldn’t help feeling a bit envious. Okay, maybe a lot. And it was his own damn fault. He picked up his menu. “What are you having?” “I don’t know,” Shayne said. “But we should probably ask the waitress for separate checks.” He sighed and glanced at Shayne. “Why?” “Just being friends.” “Will you please stop?” he pleaded. Shayne said nothing, though his dark eyes narrowed, and he went back to looking at the menu. Evan cleared his throat. “Bart and I are going to split the patty melt. It’s huge so it’s plenty for the two of us.” Des nodded. “Sounds good. Maybe we should share, too. What do you think, babe?” Shayne glanced up from his menu. “What?” 77

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He smiled. “Do you want to share something?” “I think I’m going to just have the soup and salad combo.” “Okay, I’ll get something else then.” The waitress came by with his and Shayne’s drinks and they all placed their orders. Des ended up ordering the Ruben sandwich. He was glad Shayne kept his mouth shut about the separate checks. He was really regretting talking with Shayne about having to be discreet. Yeah, it was true he meant it, but now it seemed to make everything so awkward between them. Maybe he shouldn’t have pushed going to dinner and given Shayne the time he’d asked for, but Des had been afraid if he gave Shayne too much time to think he wouldn’t like the outcome. “So, Evan,” Shayne said into the silence that had lapsed over the four of them at the table. “Have you introduced Bart to your family yet?” Bart bounced a little on the booth. “Ouch. What the hell was that for?” “Stop being an ass, Shayne,” Bart said, glaring daggers at his friend. “We’ve only gone out a few times.” “But—” “But nothing. Take a chill pill. I don’t need a keeper,” Bart insisted. Evan cleared his throat again. “Actually, Bart met my dad the other night. He’ll meet the rest of the family this weekend, since Bart’s staying over.” Shayne bit his lip and nodded. He looked down at his glass of iced tea. “This was a bad idea.” “Shay.” Without looking at him, Shayne shook his head. “Can I just go?” Des smiled apologetically at Bart and Evan. “Sorry, guys. I’m 78

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going to take Shayne home.” He took his wallet out and put money on the table. “You guys can eat our food or take it home with you. Whatever.” Bart sighed and looked like he would say something but Evan squeezed his hand and he closed his mouth. Des got out of the booth and waited for Shayne to get out. “I’m sorry,” Shayne whispered before moving toward the door. “Is he all right?” Evan asked. “Yeah. It’s my fault.” Des blew out a breath. “I fucked up. I’ll talk to you later.” He found Shayne waiting by his Mustang. His dark eyes looked a little watery when he glanced up at Des. “I’m sorry. I know I’m being a shit.” He smiled gently. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have brought you here tonight.” They got into the car and Des drove Shayne home in silence. His heart felt heavy and his throat raw, but he didn’t know what to say to make things better. If he even could. Pulling in front of Shayne’s house, he turned off his car. “Can I come in?” “Des.” “Please.” Shayne started to shake his head. “I don’t think—” “Please. Please. I need you, Shayne.” “This isn’t fucking fair, Des,” Shayne said, his voice thick. He clenched his eyes shut. “I know. I need you.” “No, you don’t.” Opening his eyes, he pulled Shayne close, or as close as he could with the emergency brake between them. “I do. I know I’m a dick. I need you. Please, don’t shut me out because I have my head 79

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up my ass.” “You’re a bastard,” Shayne whispered against him. Des tightened his arms around him. “I know.” “Okay, come inside.”

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CHAPTER 8 He was slammed against his bedroom wall, Des crushing his body with his own. Long fingers tugged on the strands of his hair, a mouth covered his, hard and demanding. “Shay, I want you so much,” Des said, groaning. He pushed Shayne’s shirt up under his arms, then yanked the shirt up and over Shayne’s head. Gasping for air, Shayne watched as Des’s fingers worked on the snaps of his jeans. The jeans and briefs were pushed down and then Des knelt in front of him. “Des.” His cock was engulfed in Des’s hot mouth, his balls rolled in Des’s palm. “Oh, my God.” 81

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Des took Shayne’s dick deep, working it fast and furious. His balls drew tight as Des swallowed around him. Then his cock pulsed and emptied down Des’s throat. His lover released him and stood, tearing off his own clothes, stealing kisses and caressing him everywhere. After catching his breath, Shayne kicked off his sneakers and removed his jeans and briefs the rest of the way. Des lowered a naked Shayne to his bed, covering him with his own nude body. They’d left only the dragon lamp lit, but it was enough for Shayne to see the desperate hunger in Des’s eyes. Des’s long fingers speared Shayne’s hair and he locked gazes with Shayne. “I’m sorry,” Des said softly. “I wouldn’t want to hurt you for anything.” Shayne nodded, his throat closed from too many emotions roiling through him. If he gave in to the pain, to voicing his thoughts right then, he knew it would only open the floodgates. He didn’t want to waste these precious moments giving in to the anguish. To finally having what he wanted only to be told he didn’t really have it after all. “Shay.” Des’s thumb brushed across Shayne’s bottom lip. He closed his eyes, unable to stand the pleading look in Des’s gaze one more second. He tugged Des’s head down to his and brought their mouths together with a groan that turned more into a whimper. Shayne’s mouth opened, letting Des’s tongue inside, surrendering to the deepening kiss of the man he was afraid he’d fallen for. It could only end badly. Des pressed him down, his soft, old mattress nearly swallowing him. The lips on his were intense, seeking, demanding in ways Des 82

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had yet to be, and Shayne matched the desperate kisses wanting to sear his soul with them. His cock was hard again, so hard, but for now he was content to just taste Des’s lips, maybe they’d kiss for hours or days. He shook his head at his own fanciful nonsense. Des broke the kiss for a moment, frowning down at him. “What?” “Kiss me, fuck me, just—” He pressed his mouth to Des’s once more. No talking. He stroked his hands across Des’s muscular back, pulling him closer still, if that were possible. Sliding one hand between their bodies Shayne sought out Des’s cock. “Shay!” “Condom,” he said against Des’s lips. Des nodded, but didn’t break the kiss. He reached behind him blindly, toward the nightstand, feeling for the wrapper. He sighed into Shayne’s mouth. The condom momentarily forgotten, their lips fused, slanting over each other again and again. Hands stroked over bare skin, tracing, caressing everywhere. Shayne jerked Des, his fist pumping the rock hard dick, drawing sexy little growls out of Des. Then, with a muffled curse, Des moved off him. Shayne’s eyelids flew upon, watching Des roll the rubber on his thick erection. His gut clenched, anticipation thrumming through him. He scooped the lube up from the nightstand and squirted some out. “What are you doing?” Des asked. “You’ll see.” He bent his knees, inserting lubed fingers in his ass, preparing himself for Des’s cock. “Oh, God, Shay,” Des whispered, leaning forward to suck 83

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Shayne’s bottom lip between his teeth. He grabbed the lube and squirted some on his own fingers and he added one to Shayne’s already stretched hole. Both their fingers fucked him as Des took possession of Shayne’s lips once more. Wrapping his other hand around his cock, Shayne stroked himself in rhythm to the thorough finger fucking he was getting. His release was coming on fast. “Des, I’m—” “Yes, please, babe, now,” Des urged, moving his lips to the pulse of Shayne’s throat, sucking there. His fingers worked with Shayne’s fast and furious inside Shayne. The force of his orgasm pulled a scream from him as white hot cum shot out of his pulsing dick. Des held him tight through his release and then he was replacing their fingers with the head of his cock, slowly pushing into Shayne’s electrified body. Des turned him to lie on his side, lifting one of his legs up over Des as he thrust inside Shayne. Twisting Shayne’s head just a little, Des returned to devouring Shayne’s lips, kissing him with an intensity that stole Shayne’s breath. He closed his eyes, loving the feel of Des rocking against him, holding him close. Feeling tremors running through Des, he knew his lover was close to coming himself. Struggling to breathe, he broke the kiss, gasping for air before saying, “Des, please.” “Shay, I love you.” And then he was coming, groaning into Shayne’s neck. Shayne stayed where he was, his eyes closed, feeling Des’s soft exhalations. He loved the closeness, the feel of Des’s arms around him. The three words Des had said echoed in Shayne’s head. But he had to harden his heart to it. 84

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Swallowing, he pulled away, feeling Des slide out of him when he did, and Shayne sat up. “Shay?” Des mumbled sleepily. “Des, you can’t stay,” he whispered. “Hmm?” He ran his fingers through his messy hair. “I want you to go home.” Des sat upright, his eyes suddenly wide open. “What?” “I meant what I said earlier. I need time.” “I know, but, I thought—” Shayne sighed and shook his head. “Nothing has changed. You’re not out and don’t want to be, at least for now, and I am. I still have to decide if I’m willing to let everyone think I’m just your gay best friend.” Des bowed his head. “But, couldn’t I stay here tonight?” He almost gave in, but Shayne was very much afraid if he let Des have his way, let him sleep there with him like he’d been doing, Shayne would just accept being Des’s secret boy toy. He didn’t know if he could ever accept that but he knew he wasn’t ready to make that decision right now. His throat closing, Shayne shook his head. “No. I need that time, Des. I want you to leave.” Des stared at him, clearly surprised Shayne was throwing him out. “Shayne, I said… I said I love you.” “I know. I’m sorry, Des. But I need to think.” He got out of bed and reached for the clothes he’d removed before they’d had sex. “What you said, those were pretty words and all—” “Pretty words? You think they were just pretty words?” “It doesn’t change anything, Des. Please, you said you understood I needed time.” 85

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Des was quiet for a moment, then he too got out of bed and dressed in his clothes. “I’m just afraid, Shay.” “Afraid?” He took Shayne’s hands in his and held them in a tight grasp. “You’ll tell me to get lost. You don’t want to see me again.” He leaned down until their foreheads touched. “That you’ll hate me.” “I’ll never hate you, Des.” “But you might tell me to get lost.” Shayne couldn’t make himself lie to Des. He nodded. “I don’t know.” Letting out a heavy sigh, Des straightened and dropped Shayne’s hands. “All right. I’m going.” When they had both fully dressed, Des walked out of Shayne’s bedroom, and Shayne followed him out to his car. The neighborhood was dark and quiet. For a second, Shayne almost asked Des to stay. The idea of Des’s arms wrapped around him while they slept didn’t seem like such a bad idea. Des stopped at his car and turned to Shayne. “When can I see you again?” “I’m not sure.” “Seriously?” “Yes,” he said softly. Des turned away, running his hand through his hair. “Fine. Can I at least call you?” “Yes.” “Every day?” “Yes, every day.” Des nodded and then pulled Shayne into his arms and held him so tight Shayne wondered if Des would pop one of his ribs. He hugged Des back, leaning his head on the bigger man’s shoulder. 86

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And then Des released him and went to the driver side of his car. He opened the door and got in without looking at Shayne. Biting his lip, Shayne’s chest squeezed. He watched Des pull away from the curb and drive off. Why couldn’t Des just be open and out? Why had he fallen for some jock who just wanted to remain in the closet… indefinitely? When he went back inside the house, he found his grandfather waiting in the living room for him, dressed in flannel pajamas. “Gramps, I didn’t wake you, did I?” “I don’t sleep as well as I once did. Since we’re both up, I thought maybe we’d have a cup of that green together.” Shayne smiled. “Sounds good, let’s go into the kitchen.” He settled his grandfather into a chair at the breakfast nook and then set about making them two cups of green tea. “Desmond didn’t want to sleep over?” Gramps asked. “He did,” Shayne admitted. “It’s a bit complicated.” “Love usually is.” “Love?” He shook his head. “I don’t know I’d go that far.” “So, you don’t love him then?” Shayne sighed. “I barely know him. It’s only been a few weeks.” “All right,” Gramps said with a nod. “But you like him very much, perhaps?” “Yes.” “Romantic relationships are work, Shayne. Usually, hopefully, they’re worth it.” Shayne set a cup of the tea in front of Gramps and then sat beside him with his own. “What about you and Grandma? You always seemed so perfect together.” “We were. But it is work.” Gramps seemed to get lost in 87

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memories for a moment, staring off into space. “We met in high school, you know.” He smiled. “I remember.” Gramps snorted. “She wanted nothing to do with me.” Shayne laughed. “That’s hard to imagine. She doted on you.” “I wore her down.” Gramps grinned. “My family had just moved to the area so I was new to the school. Had no friends. My first day she was in one of classes. Wouldn’t even look at me.” “What did you do?” “I started throwing wadded up paper at the back of her head.” He blinked. “Spit wads? You threw spit wads?” “No, I didn’t put spit on them. That’s gross. Just paper. Eventually I wrote a note on one of the balls of paper.” “What did it say?” His grandfather thought about it. “‘Go out with me’ or something like that. I don’t remember exactly now.” “And she did?” “Hardly. Stubborn woman. She sent one back to me with the word no on it. We went back and forth like that for weeks.” He smiled. “Finally I wrote on it, ‘This is the last time I’m going to ask.’” Shayne sipped his tea. “So she said ‘yes.’” “Nope. But it wasn’t the last time I asked either.” They both laughed. “Anyway, if it’s meant to be between you and this boy, it’ll work itself out.” “Yeah, maybe. I don’t know.” Gramps studied him. “Want to talk about it?” “Basically, Des needs to make up his mind if he wants to declare for the football draft this year or wait until after he 88

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graduates or at all.” “All right. And you don’t want him to?” “The thing is, Gramps, Des is in the closet.” “In the closet?” He nodded. “No one knows he’s gay. Or very few people. Including his family and his teammates. He wants it to stay that way.” “For how long?” Shayne sighed, bit his lip. “Maybe forever. If he does get drafted, what are the chances he’ll come out as the first openly gay quarterback in professional football? I can’t live my life in secret. I’m not saying I expect us to get married and pick out curtains, but is it too much to ask to be acknowledged as being part of his personal life? Do I have to put up with him dating hot models while I sit at home and watch him play on television?” “I don’t know, Shayne. I don’t know the answer to any of that.” “Me either.” Gramps finished the last of his tea and stood. “But I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you. And that’s something. I have a feeling the rest will work itself out.” He forced a smile. “Hope so.” “I’m off to bed. You going?” Shayne stood and rinsed the mugs out in the sink. The thought of going to his lonely bed held no appeal for him, but he’d made that decision himself. “Yeah, may as well.”

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CHAPTER 9 “I miss you,” Des said, pinching the bridge of his nose. He lay on the bed in his room, talking on the phone, hating the fact he was there and not with Shayne. He didn’t know when his family’s house ceased to be home. Maybe it never really had been. “I miss you, too.” He closed his eyes. It had been a week since he’d left Shayne’s house in the middle of the night. A week of complete misery. “Then, how much longer is this going to go on, Shay?” “I don’t know, Des.” It seemed like they had the same damn conversation every day. “If you aren’t going to want to be with me anymore, I wish you’d just tell me.” “Des, it’s not that easy. I want to be with you.” 90

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“Then—” “I just don’t know if us being together is fair to either of us.” “Fair to us?’ He frowned and sat up. “What do you mean?” Shayne sighed. “You’ve spent most of your life working toward being a professional quarterback. You’re good at playing football. It’s your big break if you get drafted, whether it’s this year or after you graduate. It’s not fair to ask you to just throw that all away to be with me, someone you’ve only known a few weeks.” “Shay—” “Let me finish. I’ve been out since I was fourteen. It was a tough decision to come out, but I did, and my family and friends accepted me. It was scary but it was also a relief not to have to hide my attraction for guys. I’ve wanted a boyfriend since then, one who I could proudly show off as my boyfriend. Maybe that’s wrong.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “No, it’s not wrong.” “Des, sometimes love isn’t enough.” “But sometimes it is.” “Yeah,” Shayne said softly. “You’re ready to give up on me, aren’t you?” His chest tightened, his stomach flipped over. “No, no, I’m not. I miss you, too. I do.” He tried again. “Can I see you?” “I… okay.” His heart thumped hard. “Really?” Shayne paused. For so long, Des feared he’d take it back. He held his breath, his heartbeat loud in his ears. “Yes. Why don’t you come over? When you’re done with school or practice or whatever.” 91

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He stood. “I’m coming over now. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” “Okay. See you soon.” Shayne hung up. Des grabbed a duffle bag and stuffed a change of clothes in it. Shayne hadn’t said he could stay overnight but if he had anything to say about it, he wasn’t leaving. When he opened his bedroom door, he saw his mother coming down the hall toward him. She noticed the duffle bag in his hand. “Back to staying at your friend’s house?” “Yes.” “Seems like maybe you should have gotten a dorm room. You’re never home.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Who is this friend anyway? A girl?” Des stared at her. “No, Mother. Not a girl. I’m staying with a guy named Shayne and his family.” She frowned. “Shayne who?” “Shayne Ralston. You don’t know him.” “Is he one of your teammates?” Des sighed. “No.” “Well, Jesus, Desmond, how did you meet this guy? He’s not your dealer or something, is he?” He laughed at that. “My dealer? No, I’m not doing drugs.” She sighed. “Well, it’s not like you’re talking to us or telling us anything these days. You’re barely around. Are you declaring for the draft?” “I don’t think I am. I’m thinking I want to graduate college first and get my degree.” “Why? If you get drafted and sign with a team you won’t need a degree, you’ll have millions.” Des nodded. “Sure, and that’s what you’re counting on 92

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anyway.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “I’m the goose who laid the golden egg, or you and Dad hope so anyway.” Des sighed. “Here’s the thing, Mother. I don’t know if I’ll get drafted at all. Professional sports frown on gays.” His mother lost two shades of color as she gaped at him. “Desmond Robert Stratton, what are you saying?” He backed up a step from the force of her shock. He hit the bedroom door. “I’m gay and Shayne is my boyfriend.” She struck him hard across his face with a stinging slap. His face burned from it and his head knocked back against the door with a distinct thud. “You shut your mouth,” she said angrily. “No son of mine is a fag.” Des felt the beginning of tears forming in his eyes. What had he expected really? This. He had expected this. At least his family hadn’t surprised him. “I’m going out,” he told his mother, brushing past her. “Don’t you walk away from me.” Des ignored her and kept on moving to the stairs. He took them two at a time and left the house. *

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It seemed more important than ever to see Shayne, and so as he pulled in front of Shayne’s home a sense of rightness overwhelmed him. This place had been more his home in the last few weeks than his own had been for years. He grabbed his duffle bag from the backseat of the car, and 93

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practically ran for the front door. It opened just as he raised his fist to pound on it. And there was the most beautiful sight he’d seen in such a long time. He merely stared. Shayne, dressed casually in jeans and a black T-shirt, his black hair slightly messy as though he’d been playing with it, the ends fluorescent blue. He smiled at Des and Des was lost. “Shay,” he whispered almost reverently. And then he was hugging Shayne, pulling him into his arms and holding him so tight he wasn’t surprised when his lover gave a sort of grunt. “God, I missed you so much.” Shayne snuggled close. “I missed you, too. Come inside.” He released Shayne long enough to step fully inside the house and Shayne shut the door. He smelled what smelled like Pillsbury biscuits and cream of mushroom soup. “Have you eaten? Mom’s got a casserole in the oven for dinner and some biscuits.” Des could only smile, unable to form the words as to how much he loved it there. He loved the house, the food, Shayne’s mom, Gramps, but mostly he loved Shayne. “Des?” “I love you.” The words spilled from his lips before he could stop them. He meant them, of course, and had said them before, but somehow they meant more this time. Shayne hugged him. “I love you, too, Des.” His arms wrapped tight around Shayne, he whispered, “I told my mom.” “Told her what?” “About us. About me.” Shayne pulled back and stared at him. “You-you did?” 94

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“Yes.” “And? Wait.” Shayne touched his face, stroking his cheek, noticing the light red mark there. “She didn’t take it well. Did she do this?” He nodded and felt the prick of tears again. “No, she didn’t take it well.” “I’m sorry, Des.” “Me, too. I knew it before it happened. I always knew. The things they’d say, the way they acted. But you know, you always hold out some shred of hope that you’re wrong.” “I know.” “I wasn’t. But now I know.” Des grabbed Shayne’s hand and led him to the sofa. “And that’s another thing, Shay. It’s crazy, I know, but it seems to me that you and I are meant for each other. I’ve had a crush on you since high school.” “What?” He grinned. “Yeah. Nuts, huh? You were too young and I was too focused on myself. But here we are now. Today I told my mother I was gay and the world didn’t end. It sucks, but it’s going to be okay. I can deal with it if they don’t want me around. I’ll find somewhere to live if they kick me out. I have money my grandparents left me and I can work while I finish school.” “You can live here. Mom and Gramps would love it.” “That would be great, but we can talk about it, if it becomes necessary.” Shayne waved that away. “You’re practically here all the time anyway.” He frowned. “Wait. Finish school? So, you aren’t declaring for the draft this year?” “No. I’m going to get my degree. I’ll talk to coach tomorrow. I’m going to tell him everything.” 95

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“Everything?” Des nodded, his gut twisting. “Yes, Shay. I’m going to tell him I’m gay and that I’ll wait for the draft after my senior year. If they still want me on the school team. If I don’t get drafted then, well, it wasn’t meant to be. If I do, I’ll be the first openly gay pro quarterback.” “That’s taking a lot of risk.” “I know. Chances are it’s not going to work. I’m guessing at least half my teammates won’t want anything to do with me. And I’ll quit the fraternity. I don’t spend any time with those guys anyway.” Shayne put his arm around Des. “Are you sure?” “I thought this is what you’d want, Shay.” “Ah, babe, I just want us to be together, without hiding, but I also want you to get your dreams. I don’t want you to throw everything away because of me.” Des pulled him close. “I don’t see it that way. Everything will work out, Shay. I’m tired of hiding who I am. I’ve been tired of it for a while but I let fear and worry about the future keep me from admitting who I really was. If pro sports isn’t ready for a gay player than I’ll go on to medical school after my biology degree. You can teach history.” He waggled his eyebrows. “That gives new meaning to hot for teacher.” Shayne laughed, but then Shayne grew serious again. “I don’t want you having any regrets.” “I don’t want any either. Which is why I have to do this, Shayne.” “It sucks that we have to go through this. It shouldn’t matter what your sexual preferences are.” “Maybe someday it won’t.” 96

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“Dinner’s ready.” Shayne’s mother called from the kitchen. “Boys, get your drinks.” Dinner was a warm, wonderful gathering, made even more special, Des supposed, given his own mother’s reaction to the truth about her son. Shayne, himself, Gramps, and Jan laughed and ate until their stomachs hurt. And then after, he and Shayne loaded the dishes into the dishwasher. In between stolen kisses. After they got ready for bed, and lay in each other’s arms naked, they exchanged deeper kisses, promises. “I had a test done,” Des told Shayne as he rolled a condom onto his achingly hard cock. “A test?” Shayne gasped, spreading his legs when Des’s lubed fingers entered him. “For sexually transmitted diseases. So, you know, maybe at some point we might want to go without a condom.” “Oh.” Shayne nodded. “Good idea. I’ll get one, too.” “I trust you.” Shayne smiled and kissed him. “I know. But let’s both have the tests anyway.” Des nodded, conversation momentarily forgotten, as he replaced his fingers with the head of his cock, pushing deep inside his lover. He’d missed this. Yeah, it had only been a week, but he was pathetic. He made slow love to Shayne, his thrusts unhurried, his hands stroking over every inch of bare skin on the younger man. He never wanted to take this, to take Shayne, for granted. His hand closed around Shayne’s cock, his fingers closing to make a fist as he pumped it. “Des, Des, please.” Then Shayne was coming, opaque white globs squirting over 97

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Des’s hand. “God, you’re so beautiful,” he said, watching the pleasure of Shayne’s release on his face. Shayne shifted beneath him, tightening his ass muscles as his legs came around Des’s waist and suddenly he wasn’t fucking Shayne slow anymore. “Fuck,” he groaned, snapping his hips again and again as his own orgasm overtook him. Later, after he’d discarded the condom and wiped them up just a bit, Des held Shayne close, with Shayne’s head resting on his chest. “I really missed this. Sleeping together, holding you.” He grinned. “God, I’m such a sap.” Shayne laughed. “Maybe. But you’re my sap.” “I can work with that.” “There are still some pretty hard days ahead of us, Des. Think it’ll be okay?” “There aren’t any guarantees in life, I know that. But I think we stand a pretty good chance of everything being more than okay for us, Shay.” He leaned down to kiss Shayne’s dark head. “Thank you.” “For?” “Taking a chance on me. Saying yes the very first time I asked you out. Not telling me to fuck off. So many things. But most of all, loving me.” Shayne squeezed him. “I do. I love you, Des.” “I love you, too. More than anything.”

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SHAWN LANE

Shawn Lane believes love and passion know no boundaries. Shawn writes both erotic love stories involving men in historical or contemporary settings and interracial romances between men and women. Shawn is always looking for new stories and new characters to create while holding down life in California. *

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Retired from the police force after a tragic shooting, Jason Sweet hasn’t been back to his hometown, Sutter’s Bay, for fifteen years. With his mother’s final days approaching, Jason returns to make peace with his mother and his past. Part of that past includes former best friend and lover, Danny Yarrow. Danny’s satisfied with his life as a drama teacher at the local high school, but the one thing missing is the love of a good man. He’s only too happy to be reunited with Jason. They’ve both grown and changed since their broken teenaged relationship. Jason hasn’t had an easy time of it since leaving Sutter’s Bay, but Danny intends to convince his friend and former lover that when it comes to taking chances, their love is worth it.

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