Yellow Silk Dreams

3 Jocelyn Modo

I Wish I Might Jocelyn Modo YELLOW SILK DREAMS EDITION *****

5 Jocelyn Modo

About Jocelyn Modo Jocelyn may be crazy but writing keeps her from going insane. She grew up reading science fiction and fantasy and fell in love with romance when those girlie hormones kicked in. Nothing makes her day like working on her current manuscript…and nothing makes her crazy like working on her current manuscript. But all’s fair in love and war, and Jocelyn likes to put a whole lot of both in everything she writes. Want more Modo? Go here: www.jocelynmodo.com http://jocelynmodo.blogspot.com http://www.facebook.com/jocelynmodo

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I Wish I Might Copyright © 2007 by 6goldfish Yellow Silk Dreams Edition License Notes Cover Art © 2007, editing, layout by 6goldfish ISBN : 978-0-9871695-2-5 Publisher : Q~Press Publishing All rights reserved. No part of this ebook may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic of mechanical including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the author. This ebook is a work of fiction. Characters, names, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locals is entirely coincidental.

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Chapter One Knife-like screams cut through Calixte's sleep. She jerked awake, clutching her covers and trembling uncontrollably as her bedroom walls flashed red, orange and blue from missiles decimating the city. Drawing her legs up to her chest, she looked out the window in horror while her father’s space force took off to defend the planet. Uriga had come and all Calixte could think is that her home planet, Cepheum, was doomed to death and slavery. ―No!‖ She flung back the sheets, jumped from the bed, and ran from her room and navigated the dark vacant halls in her sleep gown. The marble floor was cold under her bear feet. Stumbling to a stop outside the Great Room, she pressed her ear against the red stained-glass door. The sounds of battle and the boom of her racing heart made her cup her ear—as if that would help. To calm down, she took a deep breath and held it as she listened to the voices she’d known her whole life. ―We need to get a message to Leader Sarin of Indus,‖ Adviser Ralphdon said, his voice a gravely, deep bass.

8 I WISH I MIGHT "Too bad Uirga took out our communication systems straight off," Adviser Kaaner replied, the unusual sarcasm in his voice tinged with a big dose of what sounded like fear. "We send a soldier, then," Calixte's father, Leader Laborc, announced, his booming voice cutting through the chatter like a laser through flesh. Calixte frowned. Sending a soldier was risky. Leader Sarin would probably kill a Cepheum soldier if he entered his territory. Indus had never been their ally. The only reason they managed to live in neighboring solar systems was that Cepheum feared Indus enough to be polite. Her father counted on neighborly obligation as motive for Indus to aid them now. Several in the Council asserted blood lust would be a more likely motivation; still they did not contradict Leader Laborc’s statement that their only choice was a soldier. The Cepheum Leading family must remain to negotiate with Uriga in the likelihood of Cepheum falling. Leader Laborc’s hard voice slammed through the Great Room, calling forward Soldier Bijkew, a friend of Calixte’s, and gave orders to deliver this message to Indus:

9 Jocelyn Modo ―Your friend and neighbor, Cepheum, is under attack by Uriga. If it be your will to assist us, Cepheum will be indebted to Indus.‖ Calixte groaned. Her father’s message…let’s just say ―friend‖ was not a word he would ever have honestly used when referring to Indus. Did he think a race with so much against their existence had continued to survive through stupidity? Laborc was sending Bijkew on a suicide mission. The sharp sound of Bijkew’s boots as he approached the door jerked her out of her thoughts. She slipped into a shadowed corner, and he passed without seeing her. She had become adept at making herself invisible and here was another instance she found use in this skill. She waited for him to round the first corner before stepping bear foot into the light and silently tailed him. Following him on his mission would be dangerous. A voice in her head advised her to return to the Great Room to tell her father what she thought of his plan, regardless of the beating he would give to her. She didn’t listen because she knew he wouldn’t listen. Laborc had made the plan in arrogance, without considering he had a daughter to send to Indus. Typical. Laborc would not barter his blood to those he thought beneath him, not even for the lives of his people.

10 I WISH I MIGHT Her thoughts raced with her down the hall. Indus would not kill a woman outright. They would hear her father’s message. She might even be able to convince them to come to her people’s aid. Indus, for all their strength and dominance, had a weakness: Women. The Indus race was made up of ninety-four percent males and this number increased every year. They were dying. For many years Indus had attempted to ally themselves with Cepheum who had nearly equal amounts of male and females. They had been unsuccessful, mostly due to their lack of political prowess. Cepheum was a political race. Calixte was not stupid. She knew there was a chance Indus would simply kill Bijkew, imprison her, and let her people die. Still, Bijkew’s chances at succeeding were better with her than without. Indus, a proud race, promoted an image of blood thirsty cannibalistic warriors. They would find insult in Cepheum’s desperate request for assistance when Cepheum had turned down so many requests for a marriage-made alliance. When she entered her family’s private space port, Bijkew was speaking with a new technician about the correct selection of a ship. Bijkew was a recent graduate from the Cepheum Space Force

11 Jocelyn Modo and therefore held little experience in special missions such as this. Even though the tech was new, she could guess his answer. She had spent her whole life finding ways to spend time in the space port with the ships. Silently, she pulled a flight suit off the pegged wall and stealthily made her way to the ship. She waited until the tech opened the side door and soft stepped up the plank and into the ship without anyone’s notice. She found a quick hiding place in the back of the ship behind a large pack of supplies and crouched waiting. Bijkew was her friend but he was also a soldier. If he knew she was aboard he would have no choice but to report her. Bijkew entered and quickly powered up the ship. The hum of the engines felt familiar and calming, but they were off the ground and in the middle singing missiles and spitting ships a matter of seconds. Peeking from her hiding place, she could see the ship’s view-screen fill with Uriga battle ships. The ship shook with the passing of missiles. The proximity alarm sounded and she could hear Bijkew’s curses. She tried to ignore the chaos and focus on pulling the borrowed flight suit on, but she trembled so badly she couldn’t get her feet into the legs of the suit. Finally, Bijkew navigated the ship into outer space and the proximity alarm quieted. She sat

12 I WISH I MIGHT trembling for some time before pulling herself together enough to slip out of her sleep gown and pull on the flight suit. Four hours at light speed and they would reach Indus. Her mind raced at this thought. She tried to talk over the panic lacing her brain. She told herself it was her duty as the only daughter of the Leader of Cepheum – whether her father agreed or not. She told herself that even if she failed in her self-imposed mission and died in the process, it was still a better fate than kneeling to Uriga. She told herself her father was right. Indus was the lesser evil. A low voice rang through the ship. ―Cepheum vessel you have entered Indus space. Depart immediately.‖ Looking at the ship’s clock she realized she had spent the four hour trip talking down her panic. She supposed there were worse ways to spend her time. Still, she would have preferred that she had spent at least some of it planning her next move. Bijkew straightened his shoulders and hovered his fingers over the comm. button to reply. Calixte jumped up and moved to the front of the ship. He turned, startled and she smiled at him. ―I wish to speak to them, Bijkew.‖ He frowned and shook his head. ―Your father is going to execute me for this.‖ But he

13 Jocelyn Modo pushed away from the control panel allowing her access. She stepped up to the control panel and depressed the com button. ―Lady Calixte of Cepheum requests a meeting with Leader Sarin of Indus.‖ Several seconds of silence met her greeting and then, ―Lady Cepheum, Indus welcomes you. Please hold your position. We are sending an escort.‖ She breathed a sigh of relief and smiled when Bijkew did the same. ―Happy I came along now, aren't you?‖ Still seated in the pilot's chair, he gave her a mock bow, saying, ―My lady, I am literally at your disposal.‖ She laughed in spite of herself. Only Bijkew could make light of a situation such as this. If Hila and Daron were here they would be growling at him in exasperation. Bijkew, Hila and Daron were her friends and alleged lovers. But more importantly they were the three men she respected and loved. She would do damn near anything for them, including face the most feared warrior in five galaxies. She prayed for Hila and Daron’s safety, knowing that as pilots of the fastest, well-armed ships on Cepheum, they would be on the front lines.

14 I WISH I MIGHT "Help is on the way," she breathed as she waited for the Indus escort.

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Chapter Two The escort consisted of sixteen one-man fighters. Calixte vacillated between being impressed and frightened. Bijkew landed their ship on a lush green lawn in front of what had to be the Indus Leader's House. She watched a group of twenty-one men approach her ship. She had never seen Leader Sarin Indus. Still, she could easily pick him out of the crowd. Everything about him, his body language, his intelligent large-lashed eyes, his clothing – covering a body that screamed legendary warrior – told her this was the Leader of Indus. She looked down at the too-big flight suit she had hastily put on and knew it for a mistake. She would be better off meeting the Leader of Indus in her sleep gown. Yes, it would be uncomfortable, but the gown would work to her advantage while the flight suit would not. Her one advantage on Indus was that she was a woman. She should not dress as a man. She ran to the back of the ship, pulled off the flight suit and pulled on the sleep gown. It would not pass as a day gown but it had full sleeves and the skirt covered her bare feet.

16 I WISH I MIGHT She nodded to Bijkew. He opened the ship’s door, lowered the ramp, and preceded her down into the bright sunlight. Taking a deep breath, she followed him. When she made it out from under the ship’s shadow she found the thin material of her sleep gown did not hold up under the intense rays of the Indus suns. Her composure slipped as she approached the Leader of Indus. His eyes slid over her body, and she could feel her face flush red. Do not cry. Do not run. Do not cry. Her chin began to tremble, and she clenched her teeth to stop it. This was like some kind of waking nightmare. She could no longer meet Leader Sarin’s eyes. She still had the sense to give him a low, if somewhat wobbly, curtsy, but when she attempted a greeting she could not choke the words out of her mouth. ―Welcome to Indus, Lady Calixte of Cepheum,‖ Leader Sarin said as he removed his long formal jacket and wrapped it around Calixte’s slight shoulders. She slipped her arms into the too-long sleeves of the jacket and could breathe again. She shook her head, trying to restart her brain and looked up at Leader Sarin. His face was solemn but his eyes held heat. She braced herself against the wave of anxiety moving through her.

17 Jocelyn Modo Perhaps greeting Leader Sarin in her sleep gown had been worth her embarrassment. What faster way could she seduce a man than to greet him in a transparent gown? Leader Sarin escorted her into his house with no further comment. When they entered the main hall she he introduced her to his mother, Lady Rana, who quickly assessed the situation. Without remark Lady Rana took her to be clothed in one of her day dresses. No words were spoken until she was dressed in appropriate attire. Then, Lady Rana took her hands and asked simply, ―You are in trouble, daughter?‖ Calixte’s eyes began to tear and she cursed herself for it. She wanted to be brave, not a whimpering coward. There was not time for her to be weak. Her people needed her. She swallowed back her emotions and replied – quite steadily to her surprise, ―Yes.‖ Lady Rana nodded and said, ―Come, I will take you to my son.‖ Lady Rana escorted her to the Indus Great room. Upon entering the room Lady Rana took her leave of her. Calixte watched as Lady Rana approached the Council – of which she was a member. The Council, all men but Lady Rana, stood at her approach. She walked toward the head of the room where Leader Sarin sat. He stood as she

18 I WISH I MIGHT approached and the rest of the men in the room followed suit. Such respect would never be given to a woman on Cepheum. Calixte gave Leader Sarin a low curtsy, filled with enough grace to have made her mother proud of her, and said, ―I come to you with a message from my father, Leader Laborc of Cepheum.‖ Leader Sarin approached her with an outstretch hand. She took it and rose out of her long curtsy. ―Please,‖ he said gesturing to the seat held vacant on his right. She hesitated. On Cepheum the seat at the Leader’s right was a seat of honor, reserved for his right hand man. The seat on the Leader’s left was reserved for his wife or current lover. It must not be a tradition on Indus; else Leader Sarin would not seat her there. She sat. Leader Sarin sat next to her with a satisfied look and said, ―Please tell us of the message your father sent with you.‖ She nodded. ―Your friend and neighbor, Cepheum, is under attack by Uriga. If it be your will to assist, Cepheum will be indebted to Indus.‖ The Great room came alive with low chatter while Leader Sarin sat in silent contemplation for several minutes.

19 Jocelyn Modo ―What indenture does your father allude to, Lady Calixte?‖ Leader Sarin queried. This was it. She had hoped, prayed, Leader Sarin would simply assume the indenture her father alluded to was her. Unfortunately, he was not a man to make assumptions. She took a deep breath and replied, ―A marriage-made alliance between Cepheum and Indus.‖ ―Lady Calixte.‖ She looked up to find Bijkew standing with a look of horror on his face. ―May I speak with you privately, Lady Calixte?‖ She cursed herself for not considering what Bijkew’s response to her announcement might be. She stood and Leader Sarin stood with her. ―Soldier Bijkew, have you something to say concerning Lady Calixte’s addendum to her father’s message?‖ Bijkew looked at Calixte in desperation. He did not wish to betray her; neither did he wish to betray Leader Laborc. Calixte smoothed her skirts and reseated herself. Leader Sarin sat and watched her with a question on his face. She looked at him and became fixated on a deep scar running from his right eyebrow down, barely missing his eye, to end just next to his mouth.

20 I WISH I MIGHT Her eyes met Leader Sarin’s as she said, ―Soldier Bijkew is concerned because the addendum to the message is mine and mine alone.‖ Leader Sarin frowned but did not seem particularly angry. He was not at all what she expected. Yes, he was a large man – nearly a giant by Cepheum standards. Yes, his body was littered with scars. And yes, his eyes held such forceful strength she could imagine a contingent of Uriga soldiers cowering before him. Still he had not harmed her, nor even threatened it, though she was the daughter of a man who had treated him with disrespect for many years. ―Leader Sarin,‖ she began quietly, wishing there were not several hundred Indus listening, ―The decision to marry belongs only to me. If you agree to this alliance, I will marry you before we leave for Cepheum.‖ ―Agreed,‖ Leader Sarin replied without hesitation. ―Priest Goler, if you please.‖ A priest stepped out from among the assembly and approached the wide dais.

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Chapter Three The wedding was swift. Calixte barely wrapped her head around the idea she was getting married before the ceremony was over. She looked at the ring circling her finger. Mounted on it was a large, yellow stone that winked even in the dimmest light. She paced her new quarters in agitation. Any moment now Leader Sarin, her husband, would walk into her rooms and demand consummation of their marriage. She did not know how to please a man. Since she planned to never marry she had spent all of her time and energy learning how to fly and fight. Talk about poor planning, she thought, then swung around at the sound of a door swishing open. ―Leader Sarin,‖ she greeted in a raspy voice. ―Please,‖ he replied, ―the title is no longer necessary. Sarin will do.‖ ―Yes, of course,‖ she stammered. ―And please call me Calixte.‖ He nodded and then stood studying her. The longer he watched her, the more agitated she became.

22 I WISH I MIGHT ―You are frightened,‖ he stated but there was a question in his words. She turned away from him. She needed to tell him, but how to begin? ―There is something I must tell you.‖ She took a breath and turned back to Sarin. He did not appear unsettled by her announcement. ―Please proceed.‖ She turned away again and said, ―A woman, of course, is expected to mate often and with as many partners as possible to ensure her husband’s satisfaction with her when she marries, bu—‖ ―How many?‖ he interrupted with a quiet voice. She rounded up her courage and turned to face him. At the sight of him, she began to truly panic. Gods, she should have told him before he married her. Now he stood shaking with fury. What had she done? ―How many what?‖ she replied on a whisper. He approached her and grasped her arms, ―How many men have you been intimate with, Calixte?‖ Tears fell from her eyes as she replied, ―N-nnone.‖ He abruptly released her and turned away still shaking.

23 Jocelyn Modo She rushed to explain, ―I never thought to marry. The men that approached me had more interest in getting close to my father than in me but I can learn, Leader Sarin. Please, I know I should’ve said something before we married but it happened rather quickly and I didn’t think of...‖ ―Calixte,‖ Sarin cut into her rambling, ―Calixte.‖ He said again, when she continued in her apology. She turned to face him. ―I have never been with a woman.‖ he said, ―It is Indus custom to mate only when married.‖ She blinked into his statement and, finally comprehending, sank to the floor in relief. He did not expect her to be experienced; he expected the opposite to be true and he had even become angry thinking she had been with other men. Surely this meant Indus husbands did not share their wives. Still, while they were talking about it, she might as well ask. ―Sarin.‖ ―Yes,‖ he replied as he lowered himself to the floor to sit facing her. ―Do Indus husbands share their wives with other men?‖ ―No,‖ he growled. ―Is this rumored on Cepheum?‖ She shook her head, ―No.‖

24 I WISH I MIGHT He cursed, ―Does Cepheum practice hetaerism, Calixte?‖ ―Yes,‖ she replied, now wishing she had not broached this subject with her new husband. ―And they say Indus is uncivilized,‖ he hissed. She looked at him. ―I do not say such things.‖ This drew a quick smile from him, ―Thank you.‖ She returned his smile with one of her own. He asked, ―Was that something you feared from me as well?‖ She bowed her head again. He reached out and cupped her cheek with his large hand, ―Calixte?‖ ―It was something I feared in any man I might marry,‖ she admitted. He looked her in the eye and said, ―You have nothing to fear from me.‖ She hoped he was being honest with her. For she was about to commit herself to him fully and after there would be no turning back.

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Chapter Four Calixte awoke to Sarin’s kiss. His tongue moved along the seam of her lips softly but persistently. She parted her lips to allow him entrance. It seemed doubtful to her that he could be as inexperienced as he claimed. When she said as much he only thanked her and continued in his love making. His hand moved to cup her left breast and her eyes opened at the feel of his thumb abrading her nipple. She shot up in bed, slamming her head into his, and simultaneously biting down on his tongue. He jumped out of bed with a curse. She closed her eyes and counted to ten, hoping that when she opened them the room would stop swimming. That man, her husband, had a head made of stone. She opened her eyes and groaned. No, still swimming. ―Calixte, are you well?‖ She turned her blurred vision on him. She looked up to see his face but found that looking that far up just made her dizzier so she focused lower on his body. His stomach appeared to be made up of rocks as well. She had never seen a

26 I WISH I MIGHT stomach so flat and hard. She looked down lower and blushed; he seemed to be hard all over. ―Calixte?‖ ―Yes, yes I’ll be fine.‖ He climbed back into bed and knelt over her. ―What happened?‖ She examined his head and to her dismay found a large red mark covering his forehead. ―I’m sorry.‖ She said as she smoothed her fingers over the mark. ―I panicked.‖ His brow furrowed. ―I thought we had moved past panicking.‖ She blushed and looked away. Gods, she had not stopped embarrassing herself in front of him since she first exited the ship. ―Calixte,‖ he leaned lower to kiss her injured forehead, ―It is all right. I was nervous as well, remember?‖ If that – this is what he called being nervous than what the hell had she been doing? ―I wasn’t panicking about you...us...I saw the suns.‖ Sarin’s brow creased, ―The suns caused you to panic?‖ ―The time,‖ she replied. ―Each hour we spend here is an hour lost on Cepheum.‖

27 Jocelyn Modo He insinuated himself between her thighs while saying, ―It takes time to amass an army.‖ She groaned as he entered her. Gods, he was thick and long. She gripped his biceps as he slowly began to move in and out of her. The soreness that remained after her maidenhead was taken had decreased to the point that she hardly noticed it and she had told this to him. Still, he made love to her gently, occasionally asking after her well being. When she reached her peak she gasped his name and clutched at his back. He came with three quick, short strokes and then collapsed over her. She held him to her, reveling in the weight of his body on hers. Still, she felt vulnerable trapped under him like this. ―Sarin,‖ she whispered in his ear. He rolled to his side, but held her to him preventing their bodies from separating. ―Yes.‖ ―Do you know how much longer it will take until your army is ready?‖ He quirked his left eyebrow, a talent of his she had not seen before, and asked, ―Are you so anxious to remove me from your bed?‖ She was mortified. ―No, no, I just wondered if you knew...‖

28 I WISH I MIGHT ―Calixte,‖ He interrupted when he realized he had embarrassed her, ―I am sorry. I meant it only as a joke.‖ She stared at the sincerity in his face. The Leader of Indus was joking with her and even more importantly apologizing to her. Perhaps marriage would not be as bad as she had feared. ―Leader Indus?‖ a voice queried through a wall speaker. Calixte jumped. ―Yes,‖ Sarin replied, smoothing her hair. ―I apologize for the interruption, Sir, but we are nearly ready to set forth.‖ ―Estimated time?‖ ―Twenty minutes, Sir.‖ Sarin smiled at her while replying, ―Thank you, we are on our way.‖ He rolled out of the bed and stretched. She looked away and wondered if she would ever become used to this: being naked in the company of another. Bashfulness in the bedroom certainly was not a common Cepheum trait. ―Would you care to join me in the shower?‖ She felt her face turn pink. He reached down and scooped her out of bed. He held her high against his chest as he made his way to the bathroom. He smiled down at her, ―Unfortunately,

29 Jocelyn Modo there is no time for further love making. The invitation is for a shower only.‖ She squeaked as he lowered her. He slid her down his body until her feet found the floor and then he reached over her to turn on the water. The hot water pelted against her body and she began to relax until his soaped hands smoothed down her back to cup her buttocks. She tipped her head back to look at him. ―Shower only?‖ He grinned. ―Just trying to be of assistance to my beautiful bride.‖ She blushed again. No one had ever called her beautiful before. She supposed this could be because she had done everything in her power to avoid it from happening – dressing in sedate clothing, wearing little make-up, avoiding any situation that might have the slightest romantic undertone. She had always feared marriage because she had seen what it had meant for her mother. She wondered if this was going to be the case with Sarin. It did not seem likely. So far he had only treated her with respect and as his equal. Her head fell back and she moaned as he moved two soapy fingers over her clit. ―Beautiful,‖ he said again and inserted a finger inside the core of her. She held tight to his hips as his finger moved in and out of her.

30 I WISH I MIGHT ―Sir?‖ a voice rang out. Calixte jerked away from Sarin and desperately searched the foggy room for the source of the voice. ―Yes,‖ Sarin responded while pointing to the small speaker embedded in the shower wall. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried to recover her calm. Damn comms were everywhere. ―Sir, your commanders have assembled for the briefing.‖ ―Of course,‖ he replied. ―I will be there in ten minutes.‖ He reached out and caressed Calixte’s face, ―And Randolp?‖ ―Yes Sir?‖ ―From now on, please use a query ring when you wish to speak to me through my or my wife’s personal quarter’s comm.‖ ―Yes Sir. Sorry Sir, and ah, Madame.‖

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Chapter Five The Indus ships eclipsed the suns. Calixte marveled at their number and wished she was counted among them. Would Sarin allow her to go with him among the first strike? It was not likely. Her place had always been at the end of a very long line of men. Her education had been gained through deception. Her father and the rest of Leader House were convinced it was not training that held her interest in the Space Force Academy but the Officers. She had spent many nights in the beds of Officers who secretly lusted only after other men. It was a fair exchange – their secret became buried under the skirts of a Lady and her secret passion lay buried beneath their blankets. Now how would she find her way to fly? Sarin would not share her with other men, something she was truly grateful for, but what would be her excuse for spending her time in the company of Space Force Officers? She felt selfish worrying over her happiness when her people’s future lay in the balance. She looked away from the sky to find Bijkew approaching with a wide grin. ―Bet you’re wishing you were flying one of those pretty rockets.‖

32 I WISH I MIGHT She grimaced at him. How did he do that? He always seemed to know just what she was thinking. ―Do you think I should even ask him?‖ ―Are you kidding me?‖ He snickered, ―The Indus Leader finally procures himself a wife and the first boon she asks of him is to fly one of his war ships into battle.‖ He laughed again. ―Bad idea, Calixte. Bad, bad, bad.‖ She smacked his shoulder and turned to walk away only to run right into Sarin. ―What is a bad idea?‖ He queried over her head to Bijkew. Bijkew sobered and gave him a low bow, ―Calixte...Lady Calixte...and I were just talking. I was teasing her is all, Sir.‖ ―Teasing her?‖ Sarin looked down into her unhappy face. ―My wife does not seem amused.‖ Bijkew shifted from one foot to the other trying to think of a viable explanation. Calixte took pity on him. ―I wish to fly with you and be among the first to strike Uriga.‖ Sarin’s face iced over and she felt the disapproval emanating from his commanders surrounding him. ―I understand your desire to fight for you people, Calixte.‖ He raked his long fingers through

33 Jocelyn Modo his hair, ―However only my finest, most experienced officers will participate in the assault.‖ She bowed her head. She knew she should not argue with him. She knew a better time than this would come for her to state her case. She knew to seal her lips closed over the words tumbling up her throat. And she did. At her silence Sarin said, ―I desire for you to remain on Indus where you will be safe. I will send for you when the battle is over.‖ She had expected this, yet it did not stop disappointment from constricting her chest. She ducked her head and replied, ―Yes, of course. I wish you good fortune in the coming battle.‖ She braced herself when he bent to kiss her but did not dare shy away. She saw the regret in his eyes as he left and she felt badly for causing their first parting to be strained. Yet she could not regret asking him for the thing she desired most. He had not acquiesced, but neither had he punished her for asking.

***** Calixte wandered the halls of House Indus biding her time with worried words mumbled only to herself. She was approached by Lady Rana who asked if she wouldn’t like to meet with dress

34 I WISH I MIGHT makers to assemble a new wardrobe. She answered 'yes' out of politeness. She spent the next five hours having her body measurements scanned and selecting fabric and patterns – enough for five lady’s wardrobes. It was tedious but it kept her from attempting to steal a ship and making her way to Cepheum. The Indus' suns rose, the dress makers departed and she was finally left alone in her new rooms. She slept and when she awoke it was to a query chime. ―Yes?‖ she answered. ―Lady Calixte, Leader Sarin has asked me to relay a message,‖ said Randolp. She sat up in bed. ―Yes, please proceed.‖ He cleared his throat. ―We have been victorious in the battle against Uriga. Please join me on Cepheum.‖ ―Is that it?‖ she asked, though she did not know what else she expected Sarin to say to her. ―Yes, that’s the message in its entirety.‖ ―Very well,‖ she replied, ―Please ready a ship for my departure.‖ ―A ship stands ready, Lady Calixte.‖ ―I’m on my way, then.‖ she replied as she rolled from the bed. Sarin had been successful. Cepheum was safe from Uriga. She had made a difference in the

35 Jocelyn Modo lives of her people. How many other Cepheum women could say the same? Probably none. She dressed herself in another gown borrowed from Lady Rana. It was a delicate shade of yellow with white lace cuffs and a full graceful skirt. The dress represented everything she felt she was not. She was escorted to an outlandish vessel. At take off, she learned she would be escorted by a contingent fleet made up of six battle cruisers. This seemed a ridiculous precaution to her, but she supposed such a show of might had more to do with politics than with her safety. Perhaps Indus was a more political people than Cepheum thought them. The flight back to Cepheum felt longer than the flight to Indus. She had her father’s anger to face when she arrived on her home planet. Still, she did not feel the fear that usually invaded her mind when having to face Laborc. The ship landed and she braced her back in anticipation. She walked the plank with the knowledge that everything she had done in the last thirty-eight hours was about to hit her in the face. Still she could not regret her decisions. She had saved her people; surely that was worth whatever punishment awaited her. And then there was Sarin, she felt he would not allow Laborc to punish her, his new bride, too severely.

36 I WISH I MIGHT She approached her father and gave him a sweeping curtsy. Sarin was nowhere in sight. Was he angry with her then? Her father said not a word to her but instead escorted her into Leader House and then straight to her rooms. When the doors whooshed shut behind them, Laborc grabbed her by the throat and threw her against the wall. Her head hit hard and she sank to the floor blinking back tears. ―Stupid girl.‖ He spat at her. She tried to shake her stunned mind awake in order to make her case. ―I did only what I thought best for Cepheum.‖ Leader Laborc fisted her hair and jerked up off the floor to face him. ―You are not the Leader here, I am. You do not make decisions, I do.‖ He balled a fist and smashed it into her face and then flung her across the room while shouting, ―I had made the decision to send you to Leader Hoedus.‖ She winced. If there was a man she feared more than her father it was Hoedus. ―You were to be Hoedus’s bride.‖ He shouted as he kicked her in the stomach. ―You were to offer Hoedus a marriage-made alliance, not that Indus dog.‖ She curled into a ball as Laborc continued to beat her. She had expected such a reaction from her

37 Jocelyn Modo father but she had dared to hope Sarin would protect her from it. She felt foolish for believing Sarin would stand against her father in her defense. Her father was right, she was a stupid girl. He left her crying on the floor. She had thought to do something good with her life. She had risked her life to save her people and she had succeeded. Why then did she feel like such a failure? Hours passed with her moving in and out of consciousness. When she was unconscious she dreamed of flying in the Trifid Nebula. The green and gold womb of Trifid enveloped her, made her feel as if she was one of the embryonic stars. When she was awake, she thought only of finding an end to her existence. She did not wish to relive her mother’s life. Laborc appeared, looming over her and she shuddered to see him there. ―I have explained the situation with Indus and he has decided he does not wish to align himself with a wife so full of deceit.‖ He paced away from her as he continued, ―Fortunately I was able to convince him to agree to the original alliance I offered him.‖ She closed her eyes and barely contained a whimper at what he had to say next.

38 I WISH I MIGHT ―I was also, dear daughter, able to convince Leader Hoedus that this has all been a terrible mistake made by an unintelligent, but wellmeaning child who thought to marry someone as unappealing as Indus in order to save her people.‖ He paced back and glared down at her. ―I made it clear to Hoedus that you would spend your life appeasing him in an attempt to make up for this insult. ―Hoedus has returned to Islane to make preparations for the marriage ceremony. You are to follow him in twenty hours.‖ Seeing his words had the devastating impact he wish for, he left his daughter alone to consider her fate. Calixte did not know how long she remained on the floor but next she knew Bijkew crouched over her. ―Shhh, Calixte, don’t worry. I’m getting you out of here.‖ She pulled away from him. ―No, Bijkew, no. My father will have you killed for it. Please just leave me be.‖ He grunted. ―Leave you be? How could you think I would abandon you?‖ He drew a medicine wand from his jacket. ―For the pain, love.‖ ―He’ll kill you for this, Bijkew,‖ she repeated.

39 Jocelyn Modo ―Daron and Hila are holding a ship for us. We make it there and we’re home free, Calixte.‖ He motioned to a large arms box. ―I will smuggle you out in this.‖ She began to deny him again, but he did not hesitate this time. Instead he pressed the wand against her neck and released a dose of pain killer into her system. The relief the medicine brought caused her to relax into a waking coma. She felt herself being lifted and placed in the arms box. She heard the lid thump closed over her, but she could no longer find the will to deny him his suicidal plan. Even if they made it out of Leader House, even if they made it to the ship, they would not make it off of Cepheum alive. Her father would not allow it. He would rather see her dead than out of his control.

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Chapter Six The lid to the box opened and she found herself staring up into the faces of her three friends. They were smiling at her, believing this to be their great, good deed. ―Don’t do this.‖ She begged them. ―My father will see you as traitors and sentence you to death by torture. Daron leaned into the box and kissed her. ―Your father will not see us at all. Hila and I are going with you.‖ ―It’s the perfect plan,‖ Hila interjected. ―You will be in need of body guards and we will be in need of jobs.‖ ―We will not make it out of Cepheum space.‖ she responded, carefully pulling herself to a sitting position in the box. She looked around and saw Bijkew was doing system checks, preparing to activate the engines. They were in a slip ship – the fastest ship in the Cepheum fleet. Seeing this gave her a small pinch of hope that they might actually make it out alive. Their chances were still small but she would take small over none. Daron looked back at her and winked. ―If we are to be your body guards, you will have to learn to have a little more faith in us.‖

41 Jocelyn Modo The slip ship’s engines came on line as Hila lifted her from the arms box. He carried her to the co-pilot seat and strapped her in saying, ―And we’re off.‖ And they were. Bijkew piloted the ship with ease. They were in Cepheum’s inner atmosphere before the comm. crackled alive. ―Officer Bijkew, this is commander Hublet, return to Leader House immediately or we will fire on you.‖ Bijkew compressed the comm. button and replied, ―Commander Hublet, this is Bijkew, do not fire, I say again, do not fire. Lady Calixte is aboard this ship.‖ Several seconds passed before Leader Laborc’s voice barked through the ship, ―Office Bijkew, return to Leader House immediately or, so help me gods, I will shoot you from the sky.‖ Bijkew turned to Calixte and said on a wink, ―Did I ever tell you how much I dislike your father?‖ The comm. came alive with Leader Laborc’s voice again but this time Daron reached over and switched it off. The proximately alarm began squealing just as they broke into Cepheum’s outer atmosphere. Two Golkin missiles were heading straight for

42 I WISH I MIGHT them and Calixte knew from experience that not even a slip ship could out maneuver or out run Golkin missiles. Seven seconds to impact, the ship’s computer said over the proximity alarm. Calixte squeezed her eyes shut and began counting down – six, five, four, three – The alarm stopped. She slowly opened her eyes. She wasn’t dead; they weren’t dead. Shaking, she reached over to touch Bijkew. He turned to her with a smile, ―See, I told you everything would be fine.‖ ―What happened?‖ He nodded toward the view screen and she turned to look. There, closing rapidly in on them, was an Indus battle cruiser. She braced herself back into her seat with a gasp, ―What? Why? Why would Indus help us to escape?‖ Bijkew released the straps from his seat and leaned over to hold her hands. ―I had a conversation with Leader Sarin, Calixte. Apparently your father told him you realized your marriage had been a mistake – that you had panicked, and in your panic believed the only way to save Cepheum was to sacrifice yourself in a marriage made alliance to Indus even though you had already promised yourself to the man you love – Hoedus.‖

43 Jocelyn Modo She stared at Bijkew, not fully registering what he was telling her. Her mind was moving in and out of drugged panic. She began struggling with the seat straps; she couldn’t breathe. The Indus ship pulled them into a large port. She could see Sarin standing amongst his commanders waiting for the ship to settle and then she could see nothing at all.

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Chapter Seven She awoke in the Indus battle cruiser’s infirmary. The memory of all that had happened slammed into her as soon as she saw Bijkew. He saw she was awake and galloped over to her bed. He leaned over her and began kissing her face. ―I’m sorry, Calixte, I’m so sorry. I’m such an idiot – such a freaking moron. I don’t know how you even put up with me sometimes. I don’t deserve you, love. I don’t.‖ She pulled her arms out from under the sheets and pushed him off of her. ―What are you talking about?‖ She rasped. ―You saved my life. You smuggled me...‖ Bijkew interrupted with a loud wail. ―I nearly killed you, Calixte.‖ He flung his arms wide and shuddering said, ―The pain killers – I gave you too high a dose!‖ She settled back into the bed and rolled her swollen eyes. Sometimes Bijkew could be such the drama queen. She was sure he had not even come close to killing her. He was just over-wrought from all that had transpired, and truly, she did not blame him. If it weren’t for all of the meds running through her body, she would probably be on the verge of hysteria as well.

45 Jocelyn Modo Bijkew continued wailing and throwing his arms about. Sighing, she decided there was nothing to it but to get out of bed, showing him she was fine, and go to him. She got out of bed in one swift movement. It was a mistake. Her knees buckled. She reached for the chair sitting next to the bed but it swam out of her reach. The floor rose up to greet her and then she was being lifted up and away in strong arms. It was almost like flying, she thought as looked up into the face of her rescuer. Sarin looked back at her in worry. ―Sorry,‖ she thought but somehow the words did not make it past her throat. When next she awoke she found Sarin still held her, but this time she was not in the infirmary. Instead he cradled her in a large bed. She lifted her head to look at him. He still wore a worried look, but there was something else, something more, moved through his blue eyes. ―What is it?‖ she asked without thinking. He looked away from her and then took a deep breath and looked back to her face. ―I’ve done you a great wrong, Lady Calixte.‖ She stiffened at the use of her title. What could it mean? Did he save her only to dismiss her once they were out of Cepheum space? He smoothed her hair. ―I should’ve had faith in you, wife. I should have insisted I be allowed to

46 I WISH I MIGHT speak with you. Instead, I believed the lies your father told me and I abandoned you.‖ She shook her head, but he continued with his apology. ―I know you have cause to end our marriage but I ask you give to me a chance to right this wrong.‖ He held her a little tighter. "Tell me what you’d have of me and, if it be in my power, I’ll give it to you." Smiling up into the eyes of her husband, she felt like she was already flying.

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Revolution Lovers His revolution will change her world… No war hero on the planet is sexier, tougher, or more screwed up than soldier Adie Perrin. Despite the serious injuries she sustained as a POW, the crown prince recruits her for a mission—to marry him. Now she has her hands full fending off the attentions of her too-good-to-be-true husband, keeping an assassin from taking out the royal family, and resisting the pull of her favorite street drug, Nevermind. As if that wasn’t enough, the man who tortured her in the POW camp has caught her in his sights and wants to finish the job.

Adie Perrin sat in a worn booth at the Hit or Miss Bar, downing her third bottle of cheap Cerberian alcohol, wanting nothing more than to go unnoticed. Tonight she had a mission—drink until the green-gold alcohol consumed every vestige of pain. And unlike her previous assignment, her final mission of the interplanetary war, she’d complete this one. Hell, not even a legion of Petulo soldiers could stop her from getting drunk tonight.

48 I WISH I MIGHT After taking the last bitter swallow from her third bottle of alcohol, she palmed the last of her credits. She had enough for two more Cerberians, then she’d be finished. Finished drinking. Finished fighting. Finished living. Finished. This gave her a sad sort of satisfaction, the knowledge that she had come to the end of it all. She felt ready, ready to let go and fall. Adie dropped her chin, allowing her dark red hair to hide her scarred face before waving down a worn out waiter. The crammed-in crowd forced her to shout her order up to the tall man. How he heard her over the cacophony of drunkenness, she didn’t know. Maybe he read lips or minds. Either talent would work to the benefit of the staff at her favorite crap bar. While waiting for the alcohol to arrive, thoughts of the last couple of years surfaced. Tonight she celebrated an anniversary of sorts. It had been two years to the day since her body and all its parts had belonged to her instead of the Petulo commander who had captured her at the end of the interplanetary war. Memories surfaced. A laser blade burning through her skin. Precise, intricate designs branded on her belly, her back, her face. The sound of her own screams. That smell…

49 Jocelyn Modo She gagged, her eyes and nose watering. Her stomach cramping. She’d endured the torture for nothing. Her Unit had died before she had even regained consciousness, making the secrets she fought so hard to keep worthless. Adie forced the memories away with another swallow of alcohol. The waiter plunked the fresh bottles on the table, jerking her back to the present. ―On the house.‖ He gave her a toothy smile, a low bow. ―It’s an honor to serve you, Soldier Perrin.‖ Damn. He’d recognized her. She slid the last of her credits to the edge of the table and glared. He had to be new to try that shit with her. Thankfully she had a glare as deadly as any of her former weapons. Grinding her teeth, she rolled her eyes up to meet his gaze and let her stank eye do the talking. With a shaky hand, he snatched up the slick, circular credits and hurried away. She grabbed the frosted bottle closest to her and added a handful of pain-deflectors to her suicide cocktail. She’d already inhaled a baggie of her favorite street drug, Nevermind, before limping down the block to visit Hit or Miss for the last time.

50 I WISH I MIGHT The pain-deflectors melted in the Cerberian, changing the color to murky brown. She plugged her nose and guzzled. Yeah, she was something special, wasn’t she? A real role model. She snorted her disgust with herself and everybody else. Gods, when would everyone stop seeing her as a war hero? When would they realize she was nothing more than a fool who didn’t know when to let go? Well, she planned to let go tonight. Tipping the bottle up to her lips, Adie shuttered her eyes and let the liquid fire burn through the broken house of her soul. ~

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About Jocelyn Modo Jocelyn may be crazy but writing keeps her from going insane. She grew up reading science fiction and fantasy and fell in love with romance when those girlie hormones kicked in. Nothing makes her day like working on her current manuscript…and nothing makes her crazy like working on her current manuscript. But all’s fair in love and war, and Jocelyn likes to put a whole lot of both in everything she writes. Want more Modo? Go here: www.jocelynmodo.com http://jocelynmodo.blogspot.com http://www.facebook.com/jocelynmodo