Your Whisper in the Dark

YOUR WHISPER IN THE DARK

…I scampered off to the parlor like a lovestruck teenager, snatched the receiver off the hook, and fell breathlessly onto the sofa. “Hey, Mason. I guess I should give you my cell phone number.” “Yeah. Do it tonight.” My stomach plunged. The weather wasn’t conducive to going out. I appreciated Tyler’s offer of his truck, but it would be foolish to go out on unfamiliar icy roads when I didn’t really need to. “It’s snowing, Mason.” There was a clattering crash in my ear. “Fuck. Dropped my wrench. Hold on.” I grinned as I listened to more noise and additional foul language. Was he nervous over calling me? His smooth baritone flowed back into my ear. “Sorry about that. I know it’s snowing, damn it. So you’re not coming into town?” “I’d better not. I don’t know the roads around here that well.” I held my breath, dreading his next words. What if he hung up and we never connected again? But wouldn’t that be best? My head and my heart weren’t in agreement. “I guess you’re right.” He cleared his throat. I heard him take a deep breath. “Kenzie, will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?” I failed to remember I was thirty-six and a mature man. I ignored how bad of an idea it was to get involved with anyone a thousand miles away from home. We’d already had each other in the most physically intimate ways possible, and now he wanted to take me to dinner. I pumped my fist in the air in a gesture of victory. “I would love to have dinner with you, Mason…”

ALSO BY KC KENDRICKS At The Southern Cross The Back Stairs Beneath Dark Stars Between The Moon And The Deep Blue Sea December Promise Give Me One Night A Hard Habit To Break In The Limelight Netting Neptune Night Moves No One But You Open Roads Passion’s Victory Poseidon’s Pleasure Seducing Light Shine A Light Shining Victory Small Town Boys Sundown Surrendered Victory Taming Triton Tango In The Night A Taste Of Victory What You Don’t Confess

YOUR WHISPER IN THE DARK BY KC KENDRICKS

AMBER Q UILL PRESS, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com

YOUR WHISPER IN THE DARK AN AMBER QUILL PRESS BOOK This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2011 by KC Kendricks ISBN 978-1-61124-129-7 Cover Art © 2011 Trace Edward Zaber

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Thanks to Christiane France for sharing her wisdom and insights.

YOUR WHISPER IN THE DARK

CHAPTER 1 If there’s one thing I’ve learned about life, it’s the old saying “nothing lasts forever” is often true. Those words had been beaten into me lately, repeatedly, and I was tired of having it happen. No matter which way I turned, the road seemed blocked. Everything I reached for to use as an anchor slipped through my fingers. I’d had arrived at the point I was damned tired of being the whipping boy for the universe. I’d given seventeen years of my life to a faithless man and I still couldn’t believe he’d… What had he done? Cheated on me? It went far beyond that. In some regards, his fall from my good graces had been my fault. I’d insisted our relationship remain “open” to prevent either of us from feeling trapped. I knew what I had in Dennis, and he 1

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knew me equally well. In all the years we’d been together, I’d only stepped out twice. Not a bad average for seventeen years. Dennis was a little freer with it, as I’d expected he would be, but he’d only tricked with strange a handful of times—that I knew about. A fuck was just a fuck. Feel good sex to put a nice glow in a man’s belly. Dennis and I were in love. Partners. What bullshit. Now I had everything packed and ready to go to the storage bin, except my clothes and my computer equipment. They were going with me to a friend’s place for a couple of months. I flopped down on the sofa where I’d slept the last few weeks. Dennis had absconded with the bedroom set, but I didn’t care. The less I had to store while I rented a room from a lady friend, the better. Whining and feeling sorry for myself after the event wasn’t getting my life back on track. It was time to take a step back and think—if I could remember how to engage my brain in a positive way. I wasn’t the first fellow to kick a lover out of his life, and I wouldn’t be the last. Hell, I might even have to do it again some day. It was time for some perspective. I knew who could help me regain my focus. Noel was the one friend who understood me better than I did myself. Besides, I owed him a phone call so I could grovel and beg his forgiveness for missing his birthday. He answered almost immediately, and I almost wept to hear his voice. “Kenzie! How the heck are you, boy?” I rolled my eyes. “I’m still well hung, and don’t call me ‘boy,’ old man. Happy belated birthday, Noel. How’s it feel to be fortythree?” “Wonderful!” His easy laughter sounded in my ear. “You 2

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always told me finding the right person would change my life, and you were right. Tyler’s great. How’s Dennis?” Lying to Noel wasn’t an option. He was my oldest and dearest friend. He’d taken me under his wing when I’d arrived at Evergreen Springs Orphanage and helped me find my way in life. Noel was only seven years older than I was, but he was best friend, brother, and father all rolled into one kind, compassionate and loving package. “Dennis is history. I gave him the boot. He’s gone.” The silence on the other end of the connection was, as they say, deafening. I could imagine the stunned look on Noel’s face. Hadn’t I always assured him Dennis and I would be together for life? I’d held Noel’s hand and listened to his fears before he moved in with Tyler. He’d come back to town to get his personal belongings, without Tyler, and wasn’t sure he should return to Marionville. Scared he’d fallen in love too fast, he feared falling out of love just as quickly. It all seemed too perfect and he knew nothing in life ever was. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Tyler—ever. And yet he’d had this overwhelming sense some greater power had worked its magic to send him to his lover and he shouldn’t squander such an opportunity. He talked, and I listened to the picture he painted and I’d known Noel wanted this fellow in ways he’d never wanted anyone before. He wanted my assurances, and I almost wept to realize he needed me to say it was okay for him to go and leave me behind. I’d used glowing words when I spoke of how wonderful it was to have a life partner. Now everything I’d told him about my life with Dennis sounded hollow. “I’m sorry, Kenzie. I wish I weren’t so far away. I knew since you hadn’t called you were dealing with something. I wanted to 3

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give you the space you needed, but I should’ve called you. Are you okay?” That was Noel. He knew when I had a problem I turned inward to figure it out, and he stepped back and didn’t pressure me. “Yeah, more or less. Mostly more. But, hey, big guy, let’s get to the important stuff. What did Tyler give you for your birthday, and don’t say a blowjob. That goes without saying.” Noel snorted in my ear. “Then I won’t tell you his technique is out of this world. Actually, he popped for a cruise.” “No shit. You’re a lucky man. What’s the plan? Where’s the boat going?” “I am fortunate. We’re going to rent a car and drive to the Baltimore harbor so we can see the mountains and stop at the Falling Waters house, then it’s nine nights onboard the ship. I have the itinerary in my desk, but it’s the usual Caribbean ports. After the cruise, we’ll fly home from Baltimore.” “Sounds like a lot of fun.” I sighed. I’d always wanted to go on a cruise, but my home state doesn’t have a seaport. I guessed Noel and Tyler could drive to Baltimore in a day, even with a stop to tour the Frank Lloyd Wright masterpiece. I smiled to myself. Being a Coloradoan, I’d crossed the Great Divide a few times, but never the Eastern Continental Divide. I wondered if the ancient splendor of those far off eastern mountains could compare to the Rockies. Noel was quiet for a moment, then he spoke. “Kenzie, what happened?” The caring note in his voice spoke volumes, and I suddenly realized that if I told him, maybe some of the anger I’d heaped on myself would fade. That’s what a true friend could do for a man. “It’s a long story. I need to talk to a friend, Noel. Really talk.” 4

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“I’m right here. Shoot.” I laid it all on him. How trusting and stupid I’d been. How, when I took the blinders off and looked back, Dennis had been unhappy for a long time. Our sex life had chilled, and the time he was willing to spend doing the little things with me had shrunk to bare minutes a day. All the classic signs were there and I’d ignored them until the night I found Dennis sobbing in the guest room. He confessed all. He’d turned a trick and fallen in love with the guy. Dennis had been ready to tell me he was moving out to be with this fellow when the other man abruptly left town. Dennis begged me to forgive him, and I said I did, but that was a lie. I simply didn’t care. I’d stopped loving him a long time before, but didn’t want to admit it to myself. I’d been willing to live the lie for whatever stability our relationship could give me. I’d cheated myself and that was worse than anything Dennis had done to me. I invited him to leave the condo, of which he was halfowner, and watched him leave without regret. Now the place had sold, and I had to move. Que sera sera. But the anger at myself lingered, and I had asked myself a lot of hard questions, but never whether or not I’d done the right thing by ending the relationship. “There it is in a nutshell, sweet cheeks.” “Jesus, Kenzie.” With the sensitive mics in cell phones these days, I heard him suck in a deep breath. “Listen, hon. Our home is your home if you want to come for a while. You’d be doing us a favor, actually. You can house-sit the farm while we’re on the cruise.” It tempted me beyond imagination. Seeing Noel would be the 5

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best gift I could give myself right now. “Aren’t you afraid I’ll steal Tyler away from you? I’m younger and prettier.” He chuckled, and my eyes flooded at the familiar sound. I needed my friend to give me a hug, shake me, smack my butt, and order me to get my head out of my ass. “Ty will appreciate your attributes, I’m sure. I’ll even let you give him one kiss, but that’s it.” “You’re way too good to me, Noel Springs.” “I always have been and I always will be. Get your ass here, pronto. We leave for Baltimore in thirteen days. If you come now, we’ll have lots of time to laze around and drink copious amounts of coffee and booze. Just like old times.” We talked a few particulars, namely did the farm have a good Internet connection. I needed to keep my customers happy or I wouldn’t get paid. My clients depended on me to keep their websites up and running. I could have hopped up and down with glee when Noel said they had four cell towers surrounding the farm and could snag an amazing Wi-Fi connection. We said our goodbyes, and I got busy packing my computer equipment. The decision to go to Marionville made, I saw no reason to dawdle. If I left this afternoon and didn’t run into bad weather, I’d be there tomorrow. All I had to do was drop what clothes I wouldn’t pack at my friend’s house, tell her to keep this month’s room rent, beg her to meet the movers when they needed into the condo to pick up my furniture and deliver it to the storage place, and tell her I’d be back in about a month. I was going on a road trip. 6

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*

*

*

It surprised me to discover Noel didn’t lock the farmhouse. I strolled through the kitchen door and found a note addressed to me on the old oak table. I was to help myself to anything in the fridge and pantry, the guest room was the first door on the left upstairs, and P.S., the big black and white animals on the other side of the back fence were cows. “Ha, ha, Noel. Smart ass,” I muttered to the silent house. I paused, suddenly aware of the lack of noise. It was so quiet. I listened and heard…nothing. I could almost feel my blood pressure sliding down into the normal range. Unloading the trunk of the car could wait. One of those fancy single k-cup coffee brewers sat in a place of honor on the counter, so I grabbed a pre-measured filter pack out of the carousel. In mere seconds, I held a steaming mug up to my nose and breathed in the bitter aroma of good dark roast. Not even the January chill could stop me from taking my coffee cup outside to the back porch. Far off in the distance, a cowbell dinged. I plopped my butt down on the frigid wooden steps, in the sunshine, and closed my eyes. The air surrounding me was cold, crisp and clean. No car engines revving or horns blaring, and no exhaust fumes. Not one person shouting in anger or frustration could be heard. No planes descending to a busy airport. It was quiet. If not for the row of solar collectors along the back fence, I could easily imagine being in this same spot a hundred years ago. I about jumped out of my skin when my cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I checked the display, impressed at the strength of the signal. “Noel, hi. I’m at the farm, and I love the place already. The 7

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reception here is great.” “I told you Tyler had Wi-Fi towers on the land. It’s a very lucrative deal.” I suddenly understood. Noel’s partner leased the land to the cell companies for the four towers. I’d wondered how anyone could make a living as a mechanic in the middle of nowhere, but with a couple of grand extra a month from leases, it was easy. “So, when are you coming home? I can’t wait to meet Tyler.” “Well, how would you like to meet us in Marionville tonight for dinner? There’s also a club here you’ll like—Frolic. We’ll go dancing, unless you’re tired from all the driving.” “Lots of cruising at this Frolic?” “Yep. You can find a guy for a fun night, and he’ll tell all the boys he knows there’s a new stud in town and he got him first. Your dance card will be full.” “Okay. I have a few more driving miles left in me today. When and where?” He gave me directions to a restaurant called The Wharf and told me if I got there early to give the hostess my name and she’d take good care of me. After the call, I finished my coffee, then carried my belongings up to the guest room. It didn’t take long to get my computer set up and running. Noel was right. Their Wi-Fi network was more than adequate for anyone’s needs. The winter sun dipped early, and my room cooled. I took a quick shower, amazed at the spa-style bathroom in the old farmhouse. Chilled from getting wet, I snuggled beneath the down comforter and quilts for a quick nap. Instead of sleeping, my mind turned to reflecting on how the simple action of Noel adding the wrong antifreeze to his car had brought he and Tyler together. I’d always heard the universe worked in mysterious ways. 8

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Maybe Noel’s car overheating at the precise location of a sign for Tyler’s garage did prove things happened for a reason. Who knew? What I did know was my buddy sure landed on a piece of heaven when he met Tyler. I rolled over, pulled the comforter over my head, and stilled my thoughts. I really did need a little shut-eye after being on the road for parts of two days. The last thing I remembered before I drifted off for a nap was a strange premonition I was in Marionville to stay.

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CHAPTER 2 It took about six seconds for Noel’s partner and me to become best friends. Tyler gave me a hug and a quick kiss, and there we were. Buds. Dinner was fabulous, but my mind had moved ahead to the dance club. The idea of a quick hook-up had taken hold and heat simmered low in my belly. I had two condoms tucked in the pocket of my jeans and I was ready to rumble. After the best meal I’d had in ages, I followed the guys to the only gay nightclub in Marionville. Noel insisted on paying the five-dollar dance night cover charge for me, and I stepped into the old converted warehouse and looked around. To the left, a set of stairs led up to The Tea Room. Not a very original name, but it sent a message to those seeking someplace quieter than a busy bar setting or a pounding dance floor. Beside 10

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the stairs was a coatroom with an attendant, and on the other side of that, stairs led down to the Cancun Bar. Just off center to the right were double doors to what had to be the main attraction—the dance floor. The soundproofing was pretty good, but the bass thumped its way through the floor and into my feet. We checked our jackets, then Noel took my elbow and guided me up the stairs. “The Tea Room is mostly a couples hangout,” he explained as we climbed. “It’s quieter up here, and they have a pretty good menu. We like to get a table and watch the action on the dance floor.” I immediately understood how the “quieter” and the “action” combined. The entire right side of The Tea Room was a wall of glass. Every other panel housed a curtain of water that added to the sound-deadening effect. I stood at the ornate wrought iron safety shield and gazed out over the dancers. I could hear the music, albeit very mutedly. Holding a normal conversation wouldn’t be a problem. “Wow. What a layout. This is beyond cool.” Noel pointed at the back corner. “Spiral staircase down to the Cancun Bar and the fire exit.” He grinned. “For those times you need to rabbit outta here.” I snorted. “I plan to stay clear of all trouble, thank you.” I motioned them to sit and went to get drinks. When I returned with a beer for each of us, Noel patted my hand. “Listen, hot stuff. If you see someone who strikes your fancy, go have fun. Don’t feel you have to sit here with us wallflowers.” I grinned at him. “Okay, I will. Global positioning is a wonderful thing. My cell phone can find its way back to your farm and all I have to do is follow along.” I leaned forward. “Don’t you 11

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guys ever go down and dance?” “Oh, sure we do, but we save it for those Friday or Saturday nights we come to town. We’re not computer geeks who set their own hours. We have to get up and go to work in the morning.” Across the room, a dark-haired man about my height, just touching the six-foot mark, caught my attention. He stood and flipped a few bills on the table, then turned and walked toward the stairs. Easy on the eyes, I admired his lazy hips-first swagger that announced “top” to the entire room. His interested hazel gaze locked with my blue one above a knowing smile that held nothing of a smirk. The smile said it all. He had no clue how gorgeous he really was. I smiled and nodded. His grin spread as he returned the nod. Noel kicked my shoe. “Don’t just sit there, boy. Didn’t I teach you anything?” “Who is he?” My companions both shrugged and held their hands out, palms up. Jeez. I stared at them. “Y’all look so cute, moving in unison like that.” I looked over my shoulder. “Well, he’s gone. Better luck next time, eh?” We chatted a bit more as the music thumped on the other side of the glass. It was good to be with Noel and share his happiness with his partner. He leaned against his lover as Tyler put his arm around his shoulder, relaxed and content. I saw questions lurking in his eyes, but he didn’t ask. I knew him well enough to know that, out of respect for me, he’d wait until we could speak privately. Tyler was feeling me out about doing a website for him when I spied Mr. Swagger on the dance floor and my concentration 12

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snapped. I gulped down the rest of my drink and pushed my chair back from the table. “My, my. He’s still here. Don’t wait up for me.” “Oh, we won’t,” Tyler assured me, laughing. I waved and made all due haste toward the stairs, giving the dance floor one last look to make sure I could find him. Lucky for me it was Wednesday and the club wasn’t packed to the rafters. I weaved my way through the jumping and gyrating bodies until I spotted him and his dance partner. His gaze slammed into mine. His chin lifted. The guy dancing with him turned and looked me up and down with an unkind glint in his dark eyes. I wasn’t even a little sorry to take away his prey. I’d only be in town a few weeks, and he could make another run at Mr. Swagger some other time. I held my hand out to him and his warm fingers closed around mine. I drew him close so I could speak in his ear. “I’m new here. Back room?” His breath tickled my ear as he turned his head and replied. “Follow me.” He smiled and pulled me toward a lighted archway. We stepped under the twinkling white lights and into blacklight tinted shadows with disembodied white t-shirts, purpleskinned torsos, and curtained alcoves. For a den of iniquity, it seemed a bit upscale. My cock rose, hard and ready. He squeezed my hand. “You need privacy?” My heart skipped a few beats as my gaze settled on the man leaning against the wall receiving an enthusiastic blowjob from the guy kneeling at his feet. I hadn’t spent a lot of time in back rooms in my youth, but on those occasions I’d had no problem at all watching others. Conversely, the appreciative looks from observant strangers left me unnerved—and occasionally unable to 13

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finish. “Private is better. I’m shy.” His cheerful laughter surprised me. “Sure you are. That’s why you waltzed right up to me and gave my dance partner the ‘fuck off.’” He stopped abruptly, then propelled me into a vacant cubicle and yanked the curtain closed. I wrapped my arms around him as we stumbled against the cool concrete wall. “Listen, you sexy thing, it’s condoms all the way or nothing.” “Uh-huh.” His burning lips settled over mine as his nimble fingers undid my jeans and pushed them off my hips. Cool air teased my leaking dick. I thrust my tongue into the heat of his mouth and pinned him to the wall. He moaned into my mouth, encouraging me to plunder at will. I fumbled with his zipper until his stiff shaft was in my hand. I stroked the silky flesh, once and again, as I learned his length and girth. Heat flared in the depths of my belly at finding him a little better hung than me. I backed away to fish the condoms out of my pocket. He gleaned my intent immediately, and we suited up. He finished first and licked my ear. “You ever turn a trick without a rubber?” “Never.” I sank to my knees, intent on treating his hard, eightinch cock to a thorough sucking. “I’m HIV negative and I plan to stay that way.” “Smart fellow. Me, too.” He grabbed my arms and pulled me back to my feet. “Fuck me.” Before I could tell him I had a blowjob in mind and nothing more, he turned and braced his palms on the wall. I pressed my cock into the crevice between his ass cheeks. “No lube, hot stuff? I’m not into rough.” He levered off the wall, his fingers teasing my balls as he 14

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struggled to find the back pocket of his jeans. I gave him an assist because his pants were at his knees. He grunted his thanks and held a packet of lube over his shoulder. I ripped it open, squirted the contents into my palm, then dipped my fingertips into the gel. My companion moaned as I spread the lube between his tense buttocks. I kissed his soft neck. Lord, he smelled good, all clean male with just a hint of warmth from his arousal. “Easy, big fella. I’m not going to hurry and hurt you.” He relaxed under my touch, only to tense again as I massaged the tight ring of muscle with a slick finger. Little moans and sighs poured out of him, letting me know his increasing eagerness. Those sounds drove me crazy as they resonated all the way to my balls. His head fell back against my forehead. “Do it now.” I was in no shape to deny him. I quickly positioned my cock and pressed into him, inch by careful inch, until his body accepted mine. I rocked forward. He moaned, a low, drawn out sound of longing and need. So much for thinking he was all top. I reached around him and stroked his generous dick. Part of my mind regretted I’d never know the taste of his maleness, but I was almost past thinking. His body held mine cocooned in fisted heat, and I flipped into autopilot and fucked him. He voiced his pleasure—loudly. He let out a moan that ended on a high note, and we both fought to keep from falling over. He laughed and gasped in the same breath as I tried to get him to concentrate and stay with me. Reaching back, he grabbed my ass with a strong hand. “Just…don’t…stop. I’ll…I’ll…I’m coming.” I already knew he was there, and so was I. Stopping wasn’t an 15

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option. The fire in my belly flared hot and I emptied myself into him, filling the rubber. I hung there with him for a few seconds, sharing breath and those fleeting moments of the stillness that follows release. But more important matters needed attention. I grasped the base of my penis, kept a firm grip on the condom, and withdrew. I tried to go slow, but he groaned sharply as the head withdrew. I did a quick check and tossed the rubber in a convenient trash receptacle complete with a liner. I helped myself to a wet wipe from the container of them that sat on the floor in the corner. Interesting place this Frolic. “The condom’s fine. No worries, okay?” “Okay.” He stripped off his loaded condom and dropped it in the can on top of mine. With a deep sigh, he turned, yanked up his underwear, and slid down the wall to sit on the floor. There was room, so I zipped up and eased down beside him. I patted his hairy thigh. “That was…” “Yeah, it was.” He sighed again. “I haven’t felt like this big a slut in, oh, six months.” I laughed. “I’ve got you beat. Try seventeen years.” “Hell’s bells! You had a relationship.” He said it like it was a dirty word, or at least a very undesirable state of affairs. “I sure did. It wasn’t all bad, but it’s over, and I’ve moved on. Thanks for my first night out in a while.” He turned his head and stared at me for a moment, his eyes eerie in the purple ultraviolet lighting. He scrambled to his feet. “Glad to help you get over the hump.” I watched him zip up and straighten his shirt. He held his hand out to me, and I let him pull me up off the floor. He pushed me 16

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back against the wall and kissed me, hard. “See you around, studly.” He slipped past the curtain and disappeared. My first impulse was to grab him and tell him I’d be in town tomorrow night, too, but I let it go. I wasn’t going to be in Marionville long, and it wouldn’t be fair to him. Besides, I needed to play the field and have some fun before I entertained thoughts of settling down again. One thing had been a mistake—I should’ve asked his name, even though we’d used protection. If I saw him again, I would. Or maybe Noel could find out and get it to me. Needing to find the men’s room, I left the alcove and barely avoided being trampled by the next couple darting behind the curtain. I freshened up a bit more and went upstairs to The Tea Room. Noel and Tyler were still there, chairs turned to look out over the dance floor. They were relaxed, leaning against each other shoulder-to-shoulder, sharing what looked like a plain soda. I envied them. The little interlude in the back room had been nice, but the glow wouldn’t last. The aura of contentment and happiness surrounding my friend and his lover was permanent. I couldn’t lie to myself and say I’d ever shared with Dennis the depth of love I saw sitting in front of me. And I wouldn’t find it in a backroom at a dance club.

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CHAPTER 3 Whether it was the long drive, the fresh county air, getting laid, the warm quilts on my bed, the blanket of quiet that wrapped the farm in tranquility, or all or the above, I slept for twelve hours. The only thing strong enough to rouse me was a full bladder. I forced one eye open and made all due haste down the hall to the bathroom. With Noel and Tyler at work, the house was still, but not empty. The sense of what they shared, of the home they’d made, was all around me. Would I ever know this for myself? Perhaps, but I now knew it had to come to me. I couldn’t force it or create it. I had to wait for it and be smart enough to recognize it if it did come. Coffee topped my “must have” list, and the single cup brewer 18

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delivered the nectar of the gods. The refrigerator held some promising lunch possibilities, but I settled on a handful of cookies and an apple, which I took upstairs to the guest room. One of the few downsides to my business was the electronic leash. I had to keep a constant watch on my email inbox. I flopped on the bed with my laptop and checked all the corners of my Internet world. No one had any problems this morning, just a few requests to update information and an inquiry from a prospective new client. I was old-fashioned. I still preferred a desktop computer for serious work. I’d do the adds and send replies from the PC with my second cup of dark roast. I was going to be at the farm long enough to get one serious caffeine buzz. Two hours later, I’d finished with work for the time being, showered, dressed, and retrieved a Marionville magazine from the parlor. Leafing through the pages provided a snapshot of the growing municipality and surrounding community. There was a nice feature on the little borough of Easton with a snippet and a picture of Tyler’s garage. I was impressed. He did need a small, simple website, and I was just the man to design it for him—for free since he was Noel’s lover. I’d come to rest, but I was restless. I should have gotten that fellow’s name last night. His cool, clean scent haunted every breath I took and his warm, open smile waited for me every time I blinked. The memory of the sound he made as he came echoed within me. Did I dare hope to find him again? I thought not. I was thirty-six—far too old to daydream about some trick. Tyler and Noel had opened their home to me, and I wanted to do something to thank them. I loved to cook and hadn’t prepared a real dinner in a while. The time had come to shake off the dust and find out if I could still set a gourmet table. Easton was only ten 19

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minutes away, and I was pretty sure I’d seen a sign for a grocery store. I’d go check it out and find something to match a few things in the pantry. Easton sparkled in the crisp winter air. Main Street was lined with small stores and a surprising number of busy shoppers traversed the sidewalks. I drove from one official city limit to the other to check out the business signs and turned around at Tyler’s garage. He had four cars lined up outside so I didn’t interrupt him. Up the street a bit, I parked in front of Pete’s Market. Inside, I was pleasantly surprised at the variety of dry goods, and the fresh meat counter was impressive. Pete assured me Tyler and Noel liked chicken and apple pie was one of their favorite desserts. I figured he’d know, so I took one home. The menu was simple. I made cream of broccoli soup, and even managed to keep the lid on the blender when I hit the puree button. I stuffed some butter, blue cheese, crumbled bacon and chopped chives under the skin of the chicken breasts and stuck them in the oven. For side dishes, I kept it simple by raiding the pantry for prepackaged rice. I wanted to cook, but not go completely overboard. My efforts were instantly appreciated. Tyler arrived home as I was setting the table, and Noel a few minutes after that. A mock argument ensued over which man got to marry me. It was lively, good-natured fun and warmed me through and through. I didn’t shiver until we sat down to eat and Noel fixed those steely gray orbs of his on me. “So, Kenzie, are you going to Frolic tonight? Maybe find that little hottie again?” The question shouldn’t have taken me off guard. I’d vacillated back and forth all day as to the wisdom of trying to find my anonymous john again tonight. I could always be up front with him 20

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and invite him to be my fuck buddy for the next couple of weeks. I swallowed a mouthful of soup, then coughed. Noel pounded my back with all due concern, but it didn’t alter the fact he was amused. I cleared my throat. “Do you think I should? I mean, is it fair to allow this dude fall in love with me when just tonight I’ve received two marriage proposals?” They rolled their eyes. God, they were so cute, doing things in unison. Tyler patted my hand. “You should go. Have some fun. That’s what vacations are for.” “I appreciate what you’re both saying, but I came all this way to spend some time with the two of you. Mr. Hottie can wait until you leave for the cruise. Right?” Noel shook his head. “Wrong. This is television night. Do you really want to watch us fall asleep on the couch together like a couple of old farts?” I thought it would be kind of neat to whip out my cell phone and take a few pictures of them with their mouths open and snoring—in unison. Not that I’d ever post those snapshots on a social networking site or use them for any sort of friendly blackmail. At least I wouldn’t do it without due consideration of the consequences a thousand miles of terra firma would protect me from. Noel narrowed his eyes at me. “Whatever you’re plotting, stop.” He knew me so well. I grinned at him. “You guys win, provided there isn’t a crisis in my inbox when I check my email. Business before hotties, you know.” I looked Noel in the eye. “Now cut the pie.” 21

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After dinner, they cleaned the kitchen while I went through my messages. I was in a hurry to get to Marionville, but forced myself to give diligent attention to my clients. I couldn’t afford to get sloppy with them. Besides, I knew the way things worked at most clubs. I had to allow time for the early crowd to come and go. I hadn’t packed any party shirts, so I borrowed one and hoped my nips wouldn’t freeze off while in pursuit of trouble. When I got to Frolic, I opted for large cappuccino and a seat at a bistro table in the Cancun Bar. My ass barely landed on the chair before a swarthy looker cruised me. He was darkly handsome, but I politely declined. I’d made up my mind that if I didn’t run into the guy from last night, I’d keep my dick in my pants. I’d kept safe, but one piece of foolish behavior was all I needed for this or any trip away from home. I looked out the large porthole-style windows between the bar and dance floor, hoping to spy a familiar face. The handsome man sitting at the next table lifted his glass and nodded. I retuned his silent greeting. He picked up his jacket and drink and joined me. I sensed he wasn’t interested in sex and, of course, it helped he said so up front. He hadn’t seen me before, so he thought he’d say hello and welcome me to Marionville. We conversed politely until he finished his drink and moved on—just in time. The real object of my interest came from somewhere behind me, draped his coat over the back of the chair the chatty fellow had just vacated, plopped down on his tight little ass, and smiled broadly at me. “Whew. I thought he’d never leave.” I shook my head and did my best to appear sad. “I’m losing my touch. He didn’t even cruise me, merely welcomed me to town.” “Ah. That sounds like Travis. I understand he used to be the man everyone here wanted and very few actually had.” He held his 22

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hand out to me. “I’m Mason.” Thank you, Lord. I took his hand. “I’m Kenzie. Pleased to meet you.” He cocked his head and gave me a questioning look, then he shrugged. His low, wicked chuckle rippled through me. “I was very pleased to meet you, too.” “You’re a bad one, aren’t you?” I replied, laughing as I squeezed his hand. “So you’re here. I’m here. Can I buy you a drink? Coffee?” “Mmm. You bet. Coffee would be great since I plan to be awake well into the night. Let’s get it to go and get a room.” I ran my thumb over his knuckles. “Aren’t you the mind reader? Tell me you know the way to the nearest motel.” His hazel eyes sparkled in the bar lighting. “I do. Just follow me.” I’d follow him just about anywhere tonight. I released his hand, stood, and held his coat for him. My palms itched to feel his skin as I smoothed the leather across his shoulders and back. He held my jacket for me, his long fingers grasping my hips to pull me back against his chest as he settled the hem. The sensation of his body covering mine in the dark was pure imagination, but the stiff rod in my jeans was real. I spun around, wrapped my arms around him, and kissed him. Mason’s mouth opened eagerly, inviting me in. I held back, wanting to save the best for later. His tongue laved my lips, coaxing. My intentions shattered and I thrust my tongue into the heat of his mouth. I lost all sense of my surroundings as we teased back and forth, learning things about each other, male-to-male, that words couldn’t master. I moaned in protest as he pulled back. “How long are we going to stand here and swap spit?” 23

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I found his hand. “C’mon. You lead the way to the local caffeine dealer.” Mason flashed me questioning look. “How new in town are you?” “True confession? I just arrived yesterday.” I freed my hand so I could zip my jacket. He laughed as he edged me toward the exit. “You move fast, don’t you?” “Hey, I have to make up for a lot of lost time. I was in a relationship for a long time.” I echoed the way he’d said the word last night. Mason paused, his hand on the door latch. “You must’ve been very young when you and the ex got together.” “I was nineteen. He was twenty-five.” I motioned at the door, and he opened it. We exchanged a little information on where we’d parked and the location of the nearest coffee shop. I kissed him again before he scurried off to his car and I to mine. It didn’t take long to get a large java and arrive at the motel. Coffee in hand, I leaned on the hood of my car outside the reservations office while Mason booked the room. I’d called Noel while in transit and endured his good-natured teasing when I told him my sleeping arrangements for the night. Mason reappeared, key card in hand, and directed me to a unit on the back side of the building. My stomach quivered with nerves as I parked my ride beside his. Tonight wouldn’t be a quick fuck. There would be time to touch and to taste. To be touched. I missed the feel of strong hands stroking my skin, kneading tired muscles, and caressing sensitive flesh. I wanted to inhale the musky scent of a man and feel goose bumps rise under my tongue. Tonight I could pretend the hands 24

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that touched me cared about me. Maybe it wouldn’t be a pretense. I didn’t think he’d fallen for me or any other such nonsense. I knew what our night was about and I was fine with scratching the itch and moving on. Sex without undue drama was one of the perks of being a little older. And having achieved a level of maturity, I could read men pretty well. Mason cared—human being to human being—and I thought that made him a special man. I knew we’d say our goodbyes in the morning and leave each other with nothing more than fond memories. There would be no backward glances, and I was good with that.

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CHAPTER 4 Mason closed the door as I switched on the desk lamp to its lowest setting. I put my coffee down and slipped out of my jacket, watching him mirror my movements. We both tossed condoms and lube packets onto the inside bed. I held out a few bills to him, my half of the room. He thanked me and stuffed them his pocket before he flopped on the queen-sized bed closest to the window, shoes and all, and patted the spot beside him. “Grab the remote. Let’s finish our coffee and relax a bit before I fuck your brains out.” I snorted. “Man, that’s a come-on line if I’ve ever heard one.” He grinned up at me. “I thought you’d appreciate it.” Being a polite sort of fellow, he said thanks once again as I handed him his drink, then eased down beside him with mine. I sensed he needed a 26

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few minutes to unwind and get centered. It worked for me, too. I gave him a warning as I handed him the remote. “No porn.” “You don’t like porn?” “Not the kind they show in motel rooms.” Mason gave me a questioning look. “How many motel rooms have you been in?” I met his stare. “The ex and I always stayed in a motel when we visited his folks. They were tolerant, but not completely accepting.” “Ah. Got it.” The corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile. “But if I find some man-on-man action, you’d watch it?” I tapped my Styrofoam cup to his. “In a heartbeat, babe.” He laughed and surfed the channels until he found the weather. By way of explanation, he told me he had some outside work to do tomorrow. I asked about his job. Mason slipped the tips of his fingers beneath his waistband. By the gentle rise of denim, I was sure he touched the tip of his penis. I tried not to notice too much. Yet. “I work for a company called Solaray Energy Design. We custom design and install solar panels to fit your application.” “Aren’t you the macho man? I stay warm inside and play with websites.” I finished my coffee in two quick gulps and tossed the cup in the trashcan. “The buddy I’m visiting has solar panels along his fence.” Mason shifted toward me. “What’s the name? Maybe I put them in.” “His last name is Phillips.” He shook his head. “Before my time on the installation, but I did a repair to the directional control on a collector sitting on a 27

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farm way out in the middle of bum-fuck for a guy named Phillips.” “I bet that’s him. They do say the world is getting smaller all the time.” “I believe it. Hold that thought.” Mason zoomed in on the weatherman, then grinned. “Sweet…Kenzie tonight and sunshine tomorrow.” He set his coffee aside. The television screen went dark. I laughed softly and reached for him. “What a poet.” Mason slipped arm around my waist. I wrapped my arms around him and found his mouth. His lips opened under mine, hot and eager, tasting of coffee. My balls tingled as the blood pooled low in my groin, fueling the steady swell of my cock. His hands slid over my backside just before he pulled away. “You’ve got too many clothes on,” he murmured against my lips. So did he. I pulled at his shirt as his fingers worked my zipper down. Little by little, warm male skin was revealed. I shivered as his fingertips teased my nipples into taut nubs and grunted as he rolled to his knees to pull my jeans off my hips. Back and forth we went, growling and groaning at each other until we broke apart to finish on our own. By some unspoken agreement, we moved the action to the bed farthest from the door and window. I gathered up the supplies and slipped them inside a pillowcase for safekeeping, then pushed the comforter down. Mason knelt on the bed and opened his arms to me. We tumbled over in a jumble of elbows and knees, finally settling on our sides. I reached for his dick and he stopped me. “Um, no repeat of last night, Kenzie. Okay?” It took a moment for the testosterone brain fog to clear a bit. I squeezed his ass, making sure my fingertips brushed tender, hidden 28

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flesh. “I thought you liked last night.” “Baby, I loved it. But I don’t bottom much. The idea of taking you up the ass two nights in a row doesn’t make me want to howl with excitement.” His hole puckered under my touch. “Last night was intense. I don’t need that all the time.” I kissed him again, savoring the way his tongue licked over mine. This stranger in my arms met me halfway, and I wondered, fleetingly, if we’d have time to get to know each other before I went home. I ended the kiss and slipped my hand inside the pillowcase to retrieve two foil packets. He took one and ripped it open with his teeth. I took the exposed condom from him and rolled it down over his erection. The same regret of not discovering his taste filled me, but I wasn’t able to throw caution to the wind. A jolt of arousal streaked through me at his light touch as he sheathed my cock in latex. Mason shifted forward and eased me onto my back. He slipped his hand between us, lifting my knee so he could stroke the back of my thigh. “Let me fuck you, Kenzie.” I was seized by a strange, shaking eagerness. I didn’t bottom much either; could not, in fact, remember how long it had been. I hooked my leg around his waist. “Go easy, Mason.” “I will.” He smiled down at me. “You’re not like, you know, a virgin, are you?” I snorted. “It’s not quite that bad. I’m sure it’ll all come back to me.” He chuckled as he guided my leg to his shoulder. “You’ll come, alright. I promise. Lube. Need a towel?” I shook my head as my searching hand found two packets of 29

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lube. I opened both and squirted the contents onto my belly. Mason braced himself up on one arm and dipped his fingers into the pooled liquid. I jumped as he spread the slick gel over me and massaged the tight ring of muscle, coaxing it to relax. I closed my eyes and concentrated on helping it along. He tapped my other leg and I lifted it to his shoulder. Something larger and blunter than his fingers pressed against me, seeking entrance. This was a difficult moment for me, when desire was tempered with trepidation. It didn’t matter that I wanted to take him deep and burn with him. The first moments of invasion were difficult and left me less than fully erect. If he noticed, he didn’t comment. I held the condom in place at the base of my cock and pushed down into the burn of the stretch to accommodate him. Mason was careful, moving forward with a determined pressure and easing back with infinite gentleness. I took a deep breath and blew it out, my gaze locked with his as my body gave way and he slid into me, fully seated. My bashful dick regained its former glory. The air left my lungs at the increased pressure inside as Mason flexed his pelvis to me. I ran my hands over his muscled arms as I looked up at his handsome face, his features pulled tight across his cheekbones with his arousal. The intensity of his glittering dark gaze said more than words. Whatever was going on inside his head, it was deep. I couldn’t deal with it now. I reached between us and fisted my cock. It was the move he’d waited for. I tried not to moan as he pulled back, but a long, quivering sound rolled out of me. I gave up thinking in favor of simply feeling. I stroked my shaft as Mason rocked into me, keeping pace with him. A hot flush spread over my skin, quickly followed by goose bumps and a cooling sweat that did nothing to lower the heat. I 30

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burned from the inside out as Mason’s steady rhythm drove me toward bliss. The sensation hovered at the base of my spine, building. I wanted to slow it, to hold it at bay and savor it, but I wasn’t sure I could. Above me, the dim lamplight cast a glow over Mason and transformed him into a golden sculpture, skillfully carved, yet moving and fluid. The light and shadow flowed over his dewed skin to shimmer along his sides. I struggled to recall when a lover had ever appeared to me as such a work of living art, and in my limited experience found none. Mason grasped my thighs and pulled me toward him. My world flashed white-hot. I cried out to him as an orgasm seized me. Mason drove into me. His head dropped back and he echoed the sound as he held his body tightly to mine. After a breathless eternity, he looked at me. “You’re awesome.” “Aw, shucks, I bet you say that to all your tricks.” He shook his head. “No, I don’t.” I reached up and cupped his cheek. “Then I’ll stop my poor attempt at humor and say ‘thank you.’ You’re pretty damned remarkable yourself.” Mason turned his head and kissed my palm. “Condoms.” I nodded and pulled my knees back to my chest. His fingers brushed my ass as he held the base of his penis and cautiously withdrew. Mason groaned as he backed to the foot of the bed on his knees, then hopped to his feet and disappeared into the bathroom. I gratefully stretched my legs out straight, peeled off my condom and reached for the tissues. We needed to have a more in-depth discussion of our STD status if we went at it again. 31

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Mason poked his head around the corner. “Do you need to rinse off?” I levered up on my elbow. “Is the shower large enough for two?” “Sure. If we squeeze at bit. C’mon.” He vanished and the sound of water pelting the tiles filled the quiet room. I joined him in the small tub and pulled the vinyl curtain closed. Mason lathered a washcloth and handed it to me. “Having my back washed by someone else is a real treat. Do you mind?” “Not at all. Can’t wait for you to do me.” I caressed the lines and planes of his smooth back, making sure each swipe of the rag both teased and eased his need to be ministered to. “That’s good.” He sighed and leaned back against me. I worked the washcloth over his chest and belly, then soaped my hand and washed his genitals, finally touching silky bare skin. I kissed his wet shoulder. “You like that?” “Keep it up for about five minutes and I’ll show you just how much.” “You’re too eager.” I stopped “washing” him and turned my attention to my own cleanliness. He turned to face me and ran his soapy hands over my chest. “Your turn for the water, Kenzie.” He soaped my sides we maneuvered to change places under the spray. I lifted my face and let the spray beat on me, while Mason’s strong hands glided over my back. I relaxed under his touch, able to clear my mind and just be in the moment. Yesterday didn’t matter, and tomorrow would take care of itself. All I had was right here, right now, and I didn’t want to fritter away a single second thinking about anything except the 32

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energy flowing from his hands into me. I sighed as his hands came to a stop, resting on my hips. “Kenzie.” He said my name, not as a question, but I heard the questioning note in his low voice. Now that we’d hit the mattress was the night over? I hoped not. I turned and kissed him.

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CHAPTER 5 For a roadside motel, the bed was rather comfortable. We slipped beneath the covers bemoaning the lack of booze and coffee, or coffee and booze, but agreed neither of us was willing to zip out into the winter chill to procure either. I watched in silence as Mason set the alarm on his cell phone. “I’ll try not to wake you up, babe.” I rolled onto my side, facing him, and pulled the covers over my shoulder. “You don’t need to sneak out of here without saying goodbye, Mason.” He shrugged. “Be careful what you ask for. That will go off at six-thirty. I have to go home, change, get the work van, and be at the job site by eight o’clock.” 34

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“I need up, Mason.” His cool hand found my warm balls as he grinned at me. “You do need up. Will it come up again?” I snorted and pressed my groin into his palm. “No doubt about it.” We wiggled around, getting closer. “How about you? Round two?” “Oh, yeah.” Mason dipped his head and nuzzled my neck, drawing the skin into his mouth. I rolled my shoulder to make him stop trying to give me a hickie. “Look, Mason. I’m clean on everything. No little baddies having fun in my bloodstream or anywhere else. I got tested right after my relationship ended last year, and you’re the first guy I’ve been with since.” He nibbled my earlobe. “Are you hoping for a decent blowjob?” “I wouldn’t turn one down.” I teased the tip of his dick with the tip of my middle finger. “When’s the last time you were tested?” “I’m due for one pretty soon.” He looked me in the eye. “I don’t want you to take any chances you’re not comfortable with.” He’d practiced safe sex with me, and I gleaned it was his habit with everyone, but I asked the question anyway. “How safe are you most of time?” “Very. Every time. I’d give me a blowjob sans condom.” He brushed a kiss to my lips. “But I might just stroke it off at the finish line, just in case.” That was fair enough. I chuckled softly. “We’ll get something figured out here.” Mason stretched and wiggled his toes against mine. “God, I used to think forty would be the kiss of death on my sex life or something. But it’s great. No drama. No having to pretend I’m in 35

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love with a guy to fuck him. I don’t have to dodge incoming phone calls or be afraid my car will get smashed with a baseball bat.” He yawned, then flashed me a rueful smile. “No staying awake past midnight.” “It’s barely eleven o’clock. I’ve got another hour coming to me.” I rubbed his flat belly and felt the beginning of hair regrowth. I couldn’t quite bring myself to shave my torso. “I know what you mean, though. Young guys today think if life isn’t full of television drama, it’s boring.” I fondled his soft dick and pulled gently. It swelled between my fingers, lengthening, even as my own cock hardened. My pulse picked up as his fingers found a good position on me and stroked my shaft. His knee nudged at my thighs, and I shifted to rest my calf on his hip. Mason kissed me, sucking on my lower lip. “Hmm. This isn’t boring. Who needs a blowjob now?” I leaned in and kissed him, licking his lips until he opened for me. His tongue slid over mine and retreated. I followed, into the heat of his mouth. His cock pulsed full and hard in my hand. Mason pressed against me, chest to chest. A quick change of position brought his knee to rest on my hip. I released his dick and got a good grip on his ass. Between our bodies, his thumb and middle finger worked us. His tongue licked into mine, and I fell into his kiss. Awareness of my surroundings ceased. All I knew was his skilled touch and passionate lips. With small sounds and words spoken breathlessly into our kisses, we shared the upward climb until the moment burst upon me. I tensed, unable to wait for him, and reached for the climax that bubbled up inside me. Mason stroked faster. My eyes crossed and I was on the verge of begging for mercy when he came. 36

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His hand slid away, and we lay motionless, hot and sticky, sharing breath. I didn’t want to move…wasn’t sure I could. Mason’s warm body was limp against mine, and I sensed he drifted toward sleep. I remained still, unwilling to disturb him. He had to work outside in the cold tomorrow, whereas I’d be inside a comfortable farmhouse working in toasty flannel loungers and wool socks. I’d meant to talk to him about hooking-up for the time I’d be in town, but it would be better if I just let it go. I’d connected to him in ways I didn’t welcome since I would have to leave him in a few weeks. Saying goodbye in the morning was the best thing to do— only the idea of it made my chest ache. I considered the feeling to be more proof it had to be done. The next thing I knew it was morning. Pale light showed around the edges of the drapes, and Mason was gone. I found my phone and checked the time—eight-thirty. He’d been gone for hours. Well, it had saved us having to say all the trite little things to each other. I decided to shower, and since I was already in Marionville, get breakfast and do a little sightseeing. The morning desk clerk gave me a flyer for the local pancake house, but I bypassed it in favor of a small coffee shop with a couple of public laptops and free Wi-Fi. I needed to check my email and make sure I could indulge myself with the morning off. Sufficiently fortified with caffeine and an absolutely decadent mixture of ground oatmeal, peanut butter and mini-chocolate chips all held together with some sort of gooey, sweet binder in what they called a trail bar, I pushed through the sugar rush and handled some correspondence. Then I got one of the confections to go so I could snack on it 37

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all day. The thing was addictive and probably three thousand calories, but I didn’t give a rat’s ass. It was that good. I called Noel and took some good-natured teasing over last night as we made a lunch date. He gave me the name of a take-out place and directions to where he worked. His boss wasn’t at the plant, so he was in charge and couldn’t leave the building. I didn’t mind eating in his office, but I was sorry I wouldn’t get to meet the owner of Genesis Industries and give him my business card. I could do a much better website for the company than the one it currently had. Marionville was a growing community of about fifty thousand. I drove through a downtown block that boasted two theaters and numerous restaurants. The public library was a massive building complete with a resting lion statue reminiscent of the lions at the New York Public Library. I passed a sign touting a soon-to-be built cultural museum and stopped to talk to a group of suits gathered in the middle of the vacant lot. I made a gentle sales pitch for a website that could grow with them. They spoke as if they were receptive to the idea and accepted my business card. I thanked them and continued my driving tour of the city. Small parks were everywhere, about every other block or so. The tiny green spaces were about the size of a single building lot and imbued the town with a very progressive atmosphere. At one of the larger parks, I spotted a discreetly placed sign with Lighting by Solaray Energy Design printed in bold letters. Yeah, it was time to admit to myself I hoped to blunder across a work van with that very same lettering on the side. I wasn’t anywhere near to having closure with Mason. Heck, I didn’t even know his last name, but maybe he wanted to keep it that way. What did I really want? The man left me restless—and 38

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breathless—fidgety with the need to find him and sink into him again. Every time I thought about his hands on my skin, goose bumps skittered over the back of my thighs and buttocks and my balls tingled. My dick played yo-yo, going up and down at every damn traffic light, or so it seemed. More than anything, I wanted to get my mouth on his cock and taste warm male flesh while I breathed in his musky scent. I reached in my pocket and rearranged “the boys” into a more comfortable position. Too bad I wasn’t brave enough to stop at one of the little parks and get some relief. The last thing I needed was to be discovered jerking off in a public restroom. I’d save it for when I got to the farm this afternoon. Noel dinged my cell phone with a text message to say he’d called in our lunch order, so I changed direction, then changed again when I realized I was headed east, not west. After a few more wrong turns due to road construction detours, I found the take-out place, grabbed our food and arrived at Genesis Industries about quarter past noon. Noel met me at the front entrance, grinning. “I forgot to tell you about the bridge work on Drury Street. Sorry. C’mon. The office is back here.” “No shit. I found out you forgot, but I forgive ya.” I handed him a bag, then followed him down a short hallway. He closed the door behind us, and I looked around the office, stunned by the masculine elegance of the space. “Nice digs.” He laughed as he set his lunch down on a glass-topped table in front of a large window with a pastoral view. “This is the owner’s office. Dylan flew to Chicago today, so I get to hang out in here.” “He must really like you.” I unloaded my bag and organized my little boxes. Noel presented me with a plastic plate. “What? No 39

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fine china?” “Not here. Dylan is a great guy, but he saves the fancy stuff for his restaurant. We’ve gotten to be pretty good friends.” He sniffed an egg roll. “Man, this smells good. Dig in, Kenzie. Don’t wait for me.” I did as instructed and scooped up a spoon full of rice, then almost choked as Noel picked up a piece of broccoli with chopsticks. “When did you master that?” “I couldn’t let Tyler get one up on me.” It was too much for me. I handed him a fork. “Stop making me look bad.” He laughed again, but he did use it. We ate for a few minutes, then Noel went to the small refrigerator at the bar and got us each a ginger ale, explaining it was all his boss usually had on hand. It was fine with me. I took a few swallows of the cold, fizzy liquid and waited for the cross-examination to begin. It didn’t take too long. “So, Kenzie. How’s the vacation so far?” I looked up from my pork lo mien and met his curious gray gaze. “Mason was a lot of fun, but I don’t expect to see him, or anyone else, from here on out.” Noel laid his fork aside. “Why not? Don’t miss the opportunity to spend time with him because of Tyler and me. We don’t expect you to hang out at the farm and be bored out of your skull.” “I know you guys don’t mind if I have some fun. I just don’t want any complicated goodbyes when I head home.” He leaned forward and held his hand out to me. “So don’t go back to Colorado. Stay here. I’ve missed you, hon.” I took his hand. “I’ve missed you, too. I’m sorry I didn’t call 40

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you when things with Dennis went bad. I was… I don’t know what I was.” “Hurt?” I looked away. “Maybe a little, but, my God, I’ve been so angry with myself. I don’t think about him, you know. I just keep wondering how I could’ve been so fucking blind and stupid. I put my head in the sand and just didn’t see it coming, Noel.” “You knew he had the occasional trick. I thought you did, too.” I nodded and put my fork down, no longer hungry. “We agreed that if it happened, it happened, and we’d be safe when we scratched the itch. I thought we were honest with each other about it, too, but now I don’t know. Maybe he wasn’t. I got tested after we split and I’m fine, but I wonder if me insisting on safe sex all the time made him think I didn’t trust him. And maybe he was right and I never did.” Noel cradled my hand between both of his. I wished he’d hug me. I needed one. I took a deep breath and told him the rest of it. “The last time was different. I had no clue it was going on. He started to sleep in the other room. When I asked him if he still loved me, he said yes. Said he needed a little time to get back in touch with himself. Then one night he just broke down.” I stopped. My chest hurt with the memory of Dennis sobbing and his refusal to allow me to comfort him. How had I not known that, regardless of what he’d said, he’d stopped loving me? Noel squeezed my hand. I looked at him, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. “And he told you he’d fallen in love with someone else?” I nodded, cleared my throat to keep the anger out of my voice, and forced my lips to speak the words calmly. “Yep. But he didn’t want to us to break up. It seemed, you see, that this other guy had 41

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only been in town on a work assignment. Dennis thought he would ask him to go with him when he went home, only he didn’t.” “So Dennis banked on you loving him enough to forgive him and stay with him.” “Only I couldn’t. I told him we were done and he had to leave. We sold the condo, paid everything off, and split what was left fifty-fifty. Now I get to start over, clean.” I let my head rest against his when Noel slid his chair next to mine and put his arm around my shoulder. “I remember when you arrived at the orphanage. All we knew was your name was Kenneth Zahn. We tried to call you Kenny, but you insisted your name was ‘ken-zee,’ so we gave in to your demands and called you Kenzie. You were about three and the most determined kid who’d ever come through the front door. You latched onto me and wouldn’t let go.” Noel sighed and hugged me harder. “I was ten and suddenly I had a real little brother to take care of. Someone who really needed me. You were everything to me. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you, Kenzie.” Noel always knew what to say. I rested my head on his shoulder. I knew the story, but didn’t actually remember any of it. “You’re here now, big brother, and I don’t have words to express how grateful I am to be with you.” “So stay here. Move to Marionville. Your business doesn’t tie you to one location, and we have plenty of room at the farm. Tyler said to make sure you know you can stay as long as you want, even forever. He’ll even give you a great deal on an acre to build your own house if you want. You know, great like in virtually for free, but you’d have to pay all the legal fees involved. It’s selfish of me, but it’d be great to have you here.” 42

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I didn’t know what to say. The offer was beyond generous, even though I knew one building lot wouldn’t put a dent in the total acreage of Tyler’s place. The possibilities jumbled around in my head, refusing to become coherent thought. Noel pulled me against him. It was like coming home, like finally having a place to rest, and yet the best I could offer him didn’t feel like enough. “I need to think about it, okay?” “I know you have to think it to death first. That’s you. The offer stands. You always have a home with me, Kenzie, no matter where I am.”

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CHAPTER 6 Marionville had a swanky gourmet grocery. I spotted it on the way out of town and stopped to peruse its offerings. I walked out with a big tray of ready-for-the-oven lasagna, the best loaf of Italian bread I could find, and tossed salad fixings for three. No one needed to worry with preparing dinner on a Friday night. Had I planned to cook only for myself, I’d have made a wine selection, but Noel and Tyler were into microbrew beers and I was given to understand they had quite an assortment in the cellar. I personally had not gone down into the dark and secretive bowels of the old farmhouse to find out. After arriving at the farm, I rearranged the food in the fridge to make room for the lasagna, then headed for my room for a little downtime. I powered up the desktop unit and, as soon as it had 44

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booted, opened a file of old photographs. I’d been so very lucky to grow up at Evergreen Springs. It was a state-run facility, but the best in the region. Small, with room for only eight boys and eight girls, we were treated like family and we became one. Only the totally abandoned made it to Evergreen Springs. All I knew about my birth family history was I arrived with a note that read, His name is Kenneth Zahn. No original birth certificate had ever surfaced, and the state eventually issued one for me under that name. I stared at the photos of Noel and me. I must have driven his teenage self crazy, following him around, wanting his attention, but he always had time for me. There were photos of me with everyone who’d been at ES when I was there and a bunch with the folks who ran the place. Not many of the kids I grew up with had remained in Colorado Springs. We’d drifted, feathers on the wind, to make our own happiness wherever our hearts led. Was my best shot at renewed happiness in Marionville? I kicked off my shoes and flopped back on the pillows. The afternoon sky had grayed, with clouds that whispered of coming snow. I needed to ask the guys what to do if I got snowed-in while they were on the cruise. I grew up in the West. I knew the story of the Donner party. Snow also squelched the ridiculous notion I had about going back to Frolic to find Mason. I didn’t need to get in any deeper with him. I sucked in a deep breath and blew it out. I wasn’t going to rest, and the urge to jerk-off wasn’t present, so after a few minutes of gazing out the window, I decided to work some more. I had a client who needed two new web pages beginning next month. I could finish those and send the links so she could view the drafts. If I got her settled, I could play with a few designs for 45

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Tyler’s garage. It would take my mind off finding Mason again. I found a new source website and became so engrossed in the design templates I didn’t know Tyler was in the house until he tapped on my door. “Kenzie, if you’re going into Marionville tonight, you should take my pickup. It’s got four-wheel drive.” I glanced out the window at the mist of fine white flakes falling rapidly to cover the ground. “Thanks for the offer, but it looks like I’m staying in.” I angled the monitor so he could see it. “Come and tell me what you think of this.” He leaned over my shoulder and pointed at the rippling checkered flag banner at the top of the page. “Holy cow, that’s so cool. I like it!” “I thought you might. How many pages do you think you might want?” Tyler blinked at me. “Do I have to decide now?” “Heck, no. Point me in the direction of what little competition you have, and I’ll see what their sites look like.” He straightened, grinning. “I like the way you think. Gimme a piece of paper so I can write the names down.” I handed him my notepad, and when he handed it back, he’d listed only three competing shops in the greater Marionville area, and none in Easton. “Easy enough. What time do want to eat? I have lasagna.” Tyler rubbed his belly. “I really am going to marry you if you keep cooking. Noel won’t be home until about six-thirty. His boss got back in town just before four and they’re having a little powwow.” I checked the time. “I’ll aim for the pan to come out of the 46

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oven around seven.” He squeezed my shoulder, then waved his hand at the monitor. “Thanks for doing this, man.” “No prob—” I stopped as the telephone rang. Tyler went across the hall to answer it, and quickly returned. “It’s for you. It’s Mason. I’m headed for the shower, so you can take it in our room or downstairs.” My heart stopped, then pounded back to life, thumping furiously. “I’ll go downstairs.” I scampered off to the parlor like a lovestruck teenager, snatched the receiver off the hook, and fell breathlessly onto the sofa. “Hey, Mason.” “Hey. I had this number on the service ticket from last fall. Um, is it okay I called?” I heard the “click” as Tyler hung up the phone upstairs. “Yeah, sure. I guess I should give you my cell phone number, though.” “Yeah. Do it tonight.” My stomach plunged. The weather wasn’t conducive to going out. I appreciated Tyler’s offer of his truck, but it would be foolish to go out on unfamiliar icy roads when I didn’t really need to. “It’s snowing, Mason.” There was a clattering crash in my ear. “Fuck. Dropped my wrench. Hold on.” I grinned as I listened to more noise and additional foul language. Was he nervous over calling me? His smooth baritone flowed back into my ear. “Sorry about that. I know it’s snowing, damn it. So you’re not coming into town?” “I’d better not. I don’t know the roads around here that well.” I held my breath, dreading his next words. What if he hung up and 47

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we never connected again? But wouldn’t that be best? My head and my heart weren’t in agreement. “I guess you’re right.” He cleared his throat. I heard him take a deep breath. “Kenzie, will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?” I failed to remember I was thirty-six and a mature man. I ignored how bad of an idea it was to get involved with anyone a thousand miles away from home. We’d already had each other in the most physically intimate ways possible, and now he wanted to take me to dinner. I pumped my fist in the air in a gesture of victory. “I would love to have dinner with you, Mason.” *

*

*

I was…happy…to provide Noel and Tyler with their daily amusement two days running. Over the lasagna, they regaled me with tales of their first few weeks together. With the snow falling, Tyler lit a fire in the parlor fireplace, Noel made beer selections, and I cleaned the kitchen. We then sprawled in front of the fire and proceeded to tell more stories on each other and imbibe. A lot. My head ached on Saturday morning—and then I realized, with eight inches of snow on the ground, my low-slung rear-wheel drive car wasn’t going out half-mile long lane to the main road. And I had a date. In town. The headache expanded exponentially until I was sure I would die. I slunk downstairs, desperate for a coffee fix and to find out if Tyler was the sort to have a stash of painkillers readily available 48

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because I already knew Noel wasn’t. They looked up from their breakfast—in unison, naturally—took one look at me and laughed. Both of them. For about two full minutes. I collapsed onto a chair and rested my pounding head on the table. When they told me all they had for a headache was over-thecounter pills, I asked them to kill me. Then it occurred to me I didn’t have a dinner-date-worthy outfit with me, not that it mattered because I was snowed-in. And I was hung over enough to blurt out the fact. My best friend and his lover howled, laughing and choking and cracking snarky little jokes until both of them had tears running down their cheeks. Yes, they were having way too much fun at my expense, and all I could was put my head back down on the table and moan. But by noon, the guys had redeemed themselves. I’d been fed breakfast, dosed with what was surely an illegal combination of acetaminophen and ibuprofen, and ingested copious amounts of caffeine to speed the drugs through my bloodstream. My headache was almost gone and I planned to go back to bed and sleep the remnants away. Tyler, the ever-ready and well-equipped country boy, mounted a snowplow on the front of his pickup. I stood at the front window in the parlor and observed as he and Noel created a mini-blizzard driving in and out the long lane, moving snow out of the way. When they’d finished, I watched them play, throwing snowballs and chasing each other to tumble together in the soft snow. I was so happy for them my eyes burned with unshed tears. I had a home here. Tyler made that very clear last night before 49

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the microbrews overflowed. All I had to do was step into it. It wasn’t just Noel and Tyler, either. They spoke of a wider circle of friends, all ready to extend a welcome to me. Tyler spoke of someone very close to him who could provide me with several dozen corporate contacts through a local business owner’s organization to which he belonged. My business, ergo income, could experience a boom. So why did I hesitate? While Noel was only seven years older than I am, he was as close to a father figure as I’d ever had. He’d come home before moving in with Tyler and spoken to me about his fears of abandoning me—and mine of being abandoned again. I thought I hid my lingering childhood fear of being left behind, of being tossed away, from everyone, but he knew me too well and he worried. Was that why I’d waited so long to tell him Dennis and I had ended our relationship? Was I afraid he’d worry about me? Or he’d think he hurt me when he left me in Colorado Springs to start a new life here? I flopped limply onto the sofa. Did Noel feel guilty for moving away? I needed to set him straight if he did. I wanted him to be happy and he was with Tyler. And Tyler lived and owned a business in Marionville. That’s just the way it was. Ending the relationship with Dennis had been a necessary step for me. I needed to finish growing up, which couldn’t happen with me stuck in the same patterns of the last seventeen years. In truth, being alone in the condo for a few months had been a good decision. I’d learned I could live on my own and take care of myself. Was I afraid I’d lose the hard-won independent feeling if I moved in with the guys for a few months? What were a few months, more or less? It shouldn’t take too long for me to find a 50

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nice apartment in Marionville. Or maybe I could spend the summer at the farm. That sounded like a lot of fun. And then there was Tyler’s offer of a building lot fronting on the main road at the end of the lane to the farmhouse. My soul stretched toward green fields, blue skies, vibrant sunsets, and a blanket of quiet nights sleeping with the windows open wide. The chance to be close to Noel again wasn’t one I could turn down. I’d proven I could survive by myself, so I didn’t need continued reinforcement of the fact. I missed the physical presence of my best friend and here was the way to have him back. He was right about my business, too. Such were the joys of the Internet that my clients were from all over the world. Webcams got me face-to-face with them when necessary. Electronic transfer of funds kept the monthly payments coming in. Those four towers sitting on the corners of Tyler’s property provided all the connectivity necessary until I got a place of my own. I was thirty-six, and it seemed to me I was the perfect age to relocate and embark on the journey to the rest of my life. The past had shaped me, but I would forge my own future. New adventures awaited my arrival. Maybe one of them was named Mason.

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CHAPTER 7 I didn’t have any trouble finding my way back to the fancy restaurant the guys had taken me to my first night in town. The Wharf was one of the finest examples of understated elegance I’d ever seen. I’d dined at some of the best establishments in New York City, Chicago, and San Francisco, and this place had most of them beat, forks down. The drive to town required concentration on the road conditions. I quivered with anticipation and suppressed arousal. Thanks to Noel and Tyler, I was horny as hell. They’d come inside from plowing the driveway open and their romp in the snow with a romp of a different sort on their minds. I watched them move around the kitchen, fixing coffee and a snack. The gleaming eyes with wide, dark pupils that shot intense focused 52

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looks back and forth across the table. The continual little flick of tongues to moisten the lips. The controlled sensuality in the way they moved their lean denim-clad hips toward each other when they passed between counter and refrigerator. The small brushes of a hand to the other’s back and the slow caress of a partner’s side whenever they were close enough to touch. I watched, suffering in delighted voyeuristic silence, until Noel finally grabbed Tyler by the belt loops and hauled him up the stairs to their bedroom. They were still in there several hours later, doing I knew exactly what, when I left for my date. The walls of the old farmhouse weren’t that thick. Thank goodness I’d gotten my borrowed clothes out this morning. Never again would I leave home with only one small suitcase. The parking lot at The Wharf was only about half-full. I suspected the conditions of the roads kept saner folks home. I parked beside Mason’s sports coupe and forced myself to maintain my dignity and walk normally to the door. Mason waited for me in the reception area and eased my coat off my shoulders. I shivered and hid my surprise as his lips brushed the back of my neck before he draped my jacket over his on a hanger. I turned to face him, found his hand, and squeezed. “Thank you for inviting me to dinner.” A broad smile spread across his face. “And I thank you for saying ‘yes.’ I wasn’t sure you would. You kinda vibed ‘goodbye’ the other night.” The hostess chose that moment to tap me on the shoulder. “Are you Kenzie Zahn?” Mason started and shot me a strange, startled, wide-eyed look. I nodded. “I am. Why?” She smiled and gestured toward the dining room. “I thought I 53

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remembered you from the other night. Mr. Donaghy called and said that if I recognized you to give you his table for the evening.” I hoped I didn’t look as stupid as I felt. “Who’s Mr. Donaghy?” “The owner,” she replied with the perfect amount of nonchalance. She met my gaze and couldn’t quite keep the amusement out of her voice. “He also owns Genesis Industries.” “Oh! Now I get it.” I looked at Mason. He was pale as a ghost. “That’s Noel’s boss. He must’ve blabbed we were coming here tonight. Are you okay? You don’t look so good.” Mason cleared his throat. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s get seated.” The man wasn’t fine. Now he looked a little flushed. “Mason, are you sick? Because if you’re not feeling well, we can do this another evening.” He shook his head, his gaze sliding nervously away from mine. “I’m not sick. I just, um, remembered something.” Mason squeezed my elbow. “I’m fine, I swear.” I had no choice but to believe him, even though the strange look on his face gave me pause. He wasn’t fine, but maybe I understood and owed him a pass. If I ever asked a guy out on a date—a real date—I’d probably get a little queasy, too. Dates, when you looked at a guy past the size of his equipment and how well he used it, were a big deal. Our table sat in a quiet, darkened corner beside a fireplace full of blue flames dancing on a bed of sparkling crystal. I saw why the owner of the place claimed it for himself. Mason seated me, finally managing a little, crooked smile. When he settled, I tapped his foot with mine. “Talk to me, Mason. We’re having dinner, not getting married.” 54

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He took a quick breath and rolled his shoulders to relax them. “I know. Look, Kenzie. This might not be a good idea.” Cold feet. I knew it. “It’s not a bad idea. You know, food keeps you alive.” “I guess that’s true.” Mason opened the wine list. “Do you know what you might get for dinner before I order a bottle?” We discussed the menu and it ended up we both ordered the salmon with dill sauce. After the microbrew hangover this morning, I didn’t want anything alcoholic. Mason finally flashed me a normal smile when I explained my reluctance to share a bottle of wine with him. When the waiter arrived to take our order, he instructed the young man to bring us each iced tea with lemon. Alone again, I held my hand out to him. He hesitated, then laid his chilly palm against mine. “Feeling better?” I was, and my appetite had returned. Mason squeezed my hand. “Yeah. Thanks for not letting me bolt.” “My pleasure. Why don’t you do something silly like tell me your last name? You know mine now.” “Hall. Mason Hall.” I met his gaze and smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, Mason Hall. How old are you?” He rubbed his face with his free hand. “Is it Twenty Questions time?” “Sure. Or you can just tell me about yourself.” “How very heterosexual of us.” He held up his hand, thumb and index finger about an inch apart. “You already know the most important thing about me is about this big.” I laughed softly, appreciating his sense of humor. “So it is, and so I do. Are you going to make me extract the information from 55

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you piece by piece?” The familiar, sexy glint returned to his eyes. “And just what extraction method do you plan to employ?” I leaned toward him and batted my eyelashes, not caring if the whole room paused to watch. I licked my lips. “Please?” Mason rolled his eyes at the ceiling. “Now you’ve done it. I’ll have to tell you almost everything, since you said ‘please.’” I kept my voice low. “I’ll say it again—later—if I have to. I’ll even say it repeatedly.” His features tightened. “I may hold you to that.” He looked at me, his hazel eyes wary. “What do you want to know about me?” I didn’t want to scare him again. “Do you have family?” “Yep. They’re mostly in the Phoenix area. My brother is in Las Cruces. You?” Our beverages, appetizer and salad arrived, and Mason paused to assure the waiter it was fine everything had been brought at the same time. We divvied-up the bruschetta, and I answered him. “Noel’s the closest thing to family I have. We grew up at a place called Evergreen Springs as wards of the state.” Mason’s gaze flicked up to meet mine. “That sounds rough for a kid. How’d you come out?” I shrugged. “I’m not sure I was ever in the closet. I was raised by professionally trained people who recognized I was gay and provided support. And Noel was there until he turned eighteen, and even after he moved out, he hung out evenings and weekends, picked us up after school, kept on being the big brother to everyone.” He finished the piece of bread he’d nibbled on and lifted his napkin to his lips. “My dad had a problem when I came out to the family, but he worked through it. My mother…” Mason shook his 56

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head. “She dragged me to church and had me anointed for healing. It didn’t work so now she has issues with God.” I thought it best not to pursue his statement, family being what it was. I started to munch on my salad instead. Mason had a few questions of his own. “So, you and Noel?” I understood why he asked and didn’t take any offense. He wasn’t the first guy to wonder about how tight Noel and I were. “Nope. It’s not like that between us. Never even a flicker of it. We joke we’re twin brothers of different mothers. How old are you, Mason? I remember you mentioned the forty-word.” “Jeez, now you’re playing dirty. I’m actually forty-three.” “Huh. So’s Noel. I’m thirty-six, on paper. They assumed I was about three when I was left at the home.” “Man, that is so far outside my experience, I can’t imagine it. I had the television-perfect home life. Mom, Dad, a brother and a sister, all living out in the subdivision.” The main course arrived. We chatted back and forth, finding shared experiences in our school days. We both had it a lot easier than a lot of gay kids, mostly because those days were all about looks. Neither Mason nor I had anything effeminate in our appearance for other kids to seize upon and so had been spared a lot of torment. I’d known early on I had an aptitude with computers and opted for a tech school instead of college. Mason did a four-year at Arizona State and got a teaching degree in science, then decided he didn’t want to teach. “Working for a company like Solaray wasn’t really part of my plan,” he explained. “I didn’t have a plan, so when the opportunity came to work for them, I said sure. I’ve spent ten years traveling 57

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the country on their dime, but it looks like I’m settled in here to stay. The company is going to base all the operations for the central states here, and I’m going to be able to write my own ticket if I opt to call Marionville my permanent home.” I almost confessed I was ninety-nine percent sure I was here to stay, too, but one panic a night was all he needed. I didn’t want him to think I had a committed relationship with him in mind. If we continued to see each other, then I’d tell him of my decision. I wanted to lick my plate, the salmon was that good, but I refrained. I leaned back and patted my belly. “That was good, but think I have room for dessert.” Mason swallowed the last bite of his dinner. “Me, too. Something so rich it requires coffee to cut the sweetness.” The alert waiter drifted over and suggested amaretto cheesecake for dessert. Mason looked at me. I nodded, and he held up two fingers. When the waiter left, Mason laid his hand on the table again, palm up. “Kenzie, I think we need to talk.” I took his hand. This time, his palm was warmer, but the expression on his face was serious. “What’s going on, Mason? We’ve had some fun. Dinner has been fab, but I’m good with keeping things sorta light and easy between us.” “That’s a relief to hear, but I’m not sure I can do that. I need to tell you something, and I don’t know how best to say it.” A shiver of premonition traced an icy finger down my spine. He was serious—very serious. “Mason, did you lie about your status?” He jerked, surprised. “No, I didn’t.” His fingers tightened around mine. “This isn’t the best place to say this, but I have to tell you before I lose my nerve, and before we get all stupid again.” 58

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My imagination raced to all sorts of ugly conclusions. Was he sick? Was he a criminal? Had he lied about everything and was really a straight guy out to see what life on the other side was like? I gripped his hand. “You’re about to scare me to death. Just say it, okay?” “Kenzie, promise you won’t hate me. I didn’t know before this evening. How could I know?” “Know what?” He blew out a quick breath. “Last year, I met this guy. We got coffee at the same donut shop every morning and we chatted each other up.” My heart sank. Was he about to give me the brush-off? “Go on.” “After about a week, we grabbed a table and took fifteen minutes to talk. One morning turned into about six or seven. The we graduated from morning coffee to meeting for lunch, too.” “This matters…why?” “It does. Believe me.” Mason rubbed his face and fixed an unhappy gaze on me. “Anyway, one thing led to another and the day came when we got a room.” My worry kicked up a notch. When it took this long for someone to tell you something, it was a given you wouldn’t like it. I nodded slowly, and he continued. “We were done, you know, and just being lazy together when his cell phone rang. It was on my side of the bed, so I picked it up and handed it to him. I wasn’t being nosy, I swear, but I saw name on the display. After he disconnected, he said it was his partner checking up on him.” I didn’t have to fake confusion. I stared dumbly at him and shook my head while he struggled to meet my gaze. “I don’t 59

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understand why this is important, Mason.” “I was in Colorado Springs for a few months last year.” “So? Lot’s of people co—” Mason suddenly appeared to be at the end of a very long, black tunnel. It could not be. I refused to let it be. Yet there he sat, looking so upset. I knew what he was about to say. Dennis had never told me his name, and I’d never asked. I stared at Mason and knew what he was about to say. “Kenzie, it was your name on the display. I’m so sorry.”

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CHAPTER 8 I must have heard him wrong. This was my life, not some soap opera, and yet here we sat, staring at each other across the dinner table. I blinked at him, speechless. Mason took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling. He squeezed my hand, and I jerked it away from his touch. “If I’d known the man had a partner, someone who trusted him, I’d never have agreed to go with him that day.” I wanted to believe him. I did believe him, but the haze of anger I’d lived with since last year painted my vision red. I wondered if I was about to regret having just eaten. A night last February rose up in my memory, a night Dennis had come home ringing like a bell for someone. My stomach clenched. I’d known we were over the moment Dennis looked at me that 61

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night, but I’d denied it to myself. I lived in that denial for several months, too. I didn’t know why, and didn’t have time right now to examine it, but I needed Mason to confirm the timing for me. “When did you have sex with him for the first time, Mason? Just tell me.” “It was February last year. It just happened, Kenzie. We didn’t plan it.” I stared at him at, my mind racing and yet blank. The thoughts swirled out of reach, and the impotent self-anger, the demon I thought I had control of, seized me. “You and me at the dance club just happened, Mason. If you and Dennis met in the morning for coffee, you had the chance to plan being together.” Mason shook his head. “No. No. I swear to you I didn’t plan any of it. I was flattered he pursued me and maybe that clouded my judgment.” To hear Dennis had chased him didn’t come as any surprise. Why had I buried my head in the sand for so long with him? How much had I missed out on in my life clinging to the romantic notion of having a life partner? My chest ached. My lungs burned and I couldn’t take a deep breath to ease the pain. I had to get out of the restaurant without doing something rash enough to embarrass Noel or make Noel’s boss regret being such a gracious host by seating us at his private table. “You know what, Mason? I see that you couldn’t have known. And I can believe you didn’t plan it. But he knew. He. Knew. I gotta get out of here.” I pushed my chair back from the table. “Thanks for dinner, Mason. Enjoy your dessert.” “Kenzie, please, we need to go someplace private so I can tell 62

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you everything.” I couldn’t think about anything except getting the hell away from him. “I’m leaving, and neither one of us is going to make a scene. Noel knows the owner here, and I won’t embarrass him. Goodbye, Mason.” I stood, turned on my heel, and left him sitting there. I needed fresh air, to somehow manage to breathe again. If I could get out the door, I could quiet the pounding Why, why, why beating inside my skull. Was this what people meant by a surreal experience? I fumbled my car keys, dropping them. I bent over to retrieve them without paying attention to how close to the car I was and whacked my head on its door. “Fucking hell!” I plopped down on the frozen tundra of blacktop and grabbed the right side of my head to make sure my brains weren’t spilling out. Just fucking great. I’d have a bruise for sure come morning, not to mention the fucking headache already eating through bone. Every time I went queen-out, something nasty happened and it was usually my own fucking fault. Like now. I welcomed Mason’s body heat as he knelt beside me. “Kenzie? Are you okay?” I kept my right palm pressed to my forehead and glared at him. “What the fuck to you think?” I moved my hand. “Just tell me if I’m bleeding.” Mason hesitated, then stroked my face with cold fingertips. “The skin isn’t broken, but I think you’re going to have a bump.” He eased down beside me, and I hoped his balls would freeze fast to the macadam through his jeans and stick when he got up. “Please talk to me, Kenzie.” I suspected there was no way to avoid a conversation with him. 63

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Self-induced concussion aside, I seemed to have regained some composure. Maybe. I had one burning question for him. “Mason, why the fuck even tell me? Why not let me live in blissful ignorance?” He reached for my hand, but stopped short of taking it. I sighed and held it out to him. His chilly fingers closed around my equally cold ones. My gloves were in the car instead of my pocket. Score another point for the home team. “I had to tell you, Kenzie. It was the only right thing to do once I realized who you were.” He started to put his arm around me, but I froze him with a look. Yes, it was. I had to agree with him on that point. He could have kept the information from me. How would I ever learn of it? Dennis and I weren’t in touch, and as far as I was concerned, we never would be again. It was all in the past, his and mine, and it couldn’t be changed. Generally, I held with the belief if there was one thing gay men had no right to judge, it was another gay man’s past sexual history—casting the first stone and all similar pieces of crap. My immediate thought was he’d blown my philosophy out of the water, but maybe not. He’d taken a big risk by telling me about knowing my ex-partner. Lord, my head hurt. “So you told me. Now you can fuck me guilt-free.” Mason blew out a short, tired breath. “Kenzie.” “Sorry. I’m not at my best when my head is splitting and my balls are freezing.” This time, I didn’t stop him when he moved to put his arm around my shoulders. “I told you because you deserved to know my side of it, okay? If I could take back that day, I would.” That day? One day? Dennis had been so unhappy with our life 64

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he was willing to trash it over one lousy fuck? Why had we stayed together so long if we were both so miserable? Disgust with myself, and with Dennis, rolled through me. I certainly saw why he’d be attracted to Mason. The man was smoking hot and, heaven help us all, principled. “I’m going home, Mason. I need to think about a few things.” “Will you come to my place so we can talk? And I mean talk. No sex unless you say so.” The man’s sincerity rang clear and true in his low voice. I hated to turn him down, but I had to. “I really need some time alone. How many times were you with him, Mason?” “Only once. Can we at least get in your car and turn the heater on?” I stared at him. “Are you telling me the truth? You and Dennis—one time only?” “I swear, Kenzie. When he said he had to get home to you— only I didn’t know it was you, of course—I was shocked. I’m not hard-wired to be the kind of guy who busts up relationships. We have enough trouble finding them, you know?” Of course I knew. Gay partnerships often struggled with infidelity. It was for that reason Dennis and I had agreed the nature of our union be open, honest and understanding. By removing the thrill of secret liaisons, I thought I’d pretty much insured Dennis would not spend all his waking hours looking for them. In fairness to him, the times he did trick someone were few and far between. The ones I knew about, anyway. It wasn’t so much Dennis slept with Mason that shook me so badly; it was his willingness to throw away our relationship on a trick with a man he barely knew. 65

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I’d been the one to change when, in my mid-twenties, I’d pushed for a monogamous relationship with him. Looking back, I could see my wish for him to give me something he couldn’t was a catalyst to us drifting apart. I dropped my face into my hands and squeezed my temples. I started the day with a hangover and now I’d end with…well, all of this and a headache. It was time to man-up. I fought my way to my feet. The world stayed upright, which I took to be a good sign I didn’t have a concussion. Mason scrambled to his feet and held my elbow. I pulled my wallet from an inside coat pocket and tried to hand him fifty dollars. He shook his head, but I persisted. “For my half of dinner. This isn’t the date either of us envisioned.” “Keep your money, Kenzie. You can buy dinner next time.” Would there be a next time? Not wanting to offend him, I shoved the bills back in my wallet. “Thanks, Mason. Look, I’m really sorry, but I gotta go home and try to figure this out.” He reached for me, then his hand dropped back to his side. “I’ll call you tomorrow, Kenzie. Okay?” “Yeah. That’d be good.” Maybe by then I’d know how I felt. I saw no point in lingering and unlocked my car. Mason leaned against his ride and watched as I got settled, put the car in gear, and drove away. The drive back to the farm was a blur. I parked and sat for a moment, unsettled that I’d arrived without much memory of how I got home. It wasn’t the bump on the head that caused the lapse, but my mind’s unsuccessful attempt to block out facing everything. I walked into the warm kitchen and found Noel straddling Tyler’s lap. They were messing around with a fudge bar. I crossed my 66

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arms and stared. “Foreplay?” “It’s the last one, and he doesn’t want to share!” I waited for the chair to break and toss both their asses to the floor. Noel stopped his attempts to grab the ice cream and looked up from grappling with Tyler as if he saw me for the first time. “You’re home far too early. What happened?” “Long story. The world gets stranger every fucking day.” Tyler smacked Noel’s butt. “Get up, lover. I’ll go back to the parlor so you two can talk. Here.” He stuck the fudge bar in front of Noel’s mouth. Noel took a bite and climbed off his lap. I watched Tyler saunter away with his lazy country-boy walk, frozen prize in hand. He was so perfect for Noel it brought tears to my eyes. I collapsed onto a chair and stared at Noel. He hopped up and fixed us each a cup of coffee. I didn’t wait for him to ask me again for information. I told him, straight out. “Mason knew Dennis. In the biblical sense.” Noel’s eyebrows disappeared off his face. “How?” I shrugged and filled him in with what I knew. He finally took my hand. “Kenzie, I agree it’s a freaky coincidence. There’s no way Mason could’ve known anything about you or about you coming here.” “I get that.” I squeezed his hand. “I don’t know what to do.” “And, babe, I can’t tell you. Let me ask you something.” Noel could ask me anything. “We used condoms, Dad.” He smiled. “I did bring you up right, but that’s not the question. Do you remember our discussion on predestination?” How could I forget? He’d driven back to Colorado Springs to pack his belongings for his move to Marionville and Tyler. We’d 67

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stayed up all night talking about his fears, whether or not he was doing the right thing, and questioning the overall scheme of the universe. “So you think it’s some kind of grand design that put me and Mason in Marionville at the same time?” “I wish I knew. I drove for a thousand miles before my car overheated. Was it destined to overheat? Sure. I screwed up with my shade-tree mechanic work on it. But—and this is the kicker— was there some greater power at work that made it break down right where Tyler works? I think there was.” “That might work for you, Noel. And I admit you and Tyler were made and molded for each other. Mason fucked Dennis, and I don’t want anything around me that reminds me of him.” “I know it’s been hard for you to accept staying with Dennis for so long was a mistake, Kenzie, but it was. You’ve always deserved better. Tell me the truth, please. By the time it ended, did you still love him?” My chest tightened. Noel knew me so well and had loved me for so long, I could finally admit the truth to him without the sky falling in on me. “I don’t know when I knew I didn’t love him anymore. It was a long time ago. I woke up one morning, looked at him, and the feeling was just gone.” I met his gaze. “I needed him, Noel. I needed the stability. We’d made a home together, and I wanted that.” Noel lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles. “You allow the fears you had as a boy to make decisions for you and you shouldn’t. You’re stronger than you know. What do you really want, Kenzie? Only you can decide.” “I just met him. I don’t know him.” 68

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“God, where did I hear that before? Oh, yeah. When I told you about Ty.” I squeezed his hand. I remembered what I’d said to him a few years ago. “So maybe it’s meant to be?” Noel smiled at me, his gray eyes wise and kind. “If you already have feelings for him, forget Dennis. Forget Mason ever crossed paths with him and just pretend the fact they had sex has been surgically removed from your memory. It has nothing to do with you and the here and now. Forget to be afraid. If you want him, take the chance. Get to know him. You’ll shortchange yourself if you don’t.” I knew he was right, but then he always was. Now I had to figure out if I was brave enough to risk my heart again.

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CHAPTER 9 Against my better judgment, I checked my email when I got to my room and found three problems that couldn’t wait until morning now I was aware of them. I finally crawled between the sheets a little after one o’clock. My housemates were quiet, although the house creaked and cracked as the wind gusted past her. I’d never slept in a house that felt alive before, but it was almost like the old lady knew she protected a great love. I flipped over onto my stomach and stopped thinking about romantic drivel. Did Mason sleep or did he stare into the darkness, wondering if we could get back to a good place with each other. Maybe his thoughts led him down a different path, one away from trying to discover if we could breathe life into the connection that sparked between us. I reached out a long arm and plucked my cell phone 70

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off the desk. I wouldn’t call and risk waking him. I’d send a text and perhaps, if he were awake, he’d respond. Sorry. Not your fault. I reacted badly. Please call. I felt like some schoolboy, but I hit send and shoved the phone under the pillow on the other side of the bed. If he rang me back tonight, fine. If he called in the morning, fine. I stared into the darkness and waited. I’d given up hope when the phone vibrated. I read the message and smiled. Tomorrow. Get some sleep. I stowed my phone under the pillow again, closed my eyes, and courted slumber. It must have worked. I woke to bright sunshine and a light tapping on my door. I responded, and Tyler stuck his head in and said they’d left a breakfast plate in the oven for me. They were taking the pickup with the snowplow to clear the driveway of an elderly neighbor. I thanked him and burrowed back beneath the comforter. The furnace in the old house wasn’t keeping up too well this morning. Chilly or not, I had to get to the head. I’d dropped my socks beside the bed last night, so I retrieved them and pulled them on before I flung the covers aside. Mission accomplished, I wrapped a quilt around my shoulders and went downstairs to the warmer kitchen. I grabbed my plate and a cup of coffee and returned to my chilly bedroom. Leaving the door open had allowed warmer air to flow inside, but I kept the colorful quilt around me. The desktop unit was slow to boot and once it had, I wished it hadn’t. I had a client in the midst of a nasty divorce and the soonto-be-ex had hacked her site again. I zipped off an email to her so she’d know I was working on the problem. I muttered and cursed as I worked to fix the situation. What the fuck was wrong with some people? What my client dealt with 71

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every day left me grateful Dennis and I had parted without this level of acrimony. I realized my mug was empty about the time my cell phone rang. My knees went quivery when I looked at the display. “Hi, Mason.” “Hey, you’re awake. How’s your head this morning?” I rubbed the knot above my temple. “It won’t kill me before my work does. One of my customers was hacked—again.” “That doesn’t sound good. About the client, I mean. I’m glad your head’s okay.” “Thanks.” I stared into the bottom of my cup. “Mason, I’m sorry about last night.” “Let it go, Kenzie. Please. Living in the past doesn’t help anyone.” He paused. I heard him suck in a deep breath and waited for him to continue. “Do you want to do something today? Maybe lunch? A movie?” “I’d love to, but I have to get this site up and running first.” “Sure. How long do you think it’ll take?” I snorted and gave him the short version of the problem. “So anyway, I keep a pristine backup of this website. I should be finished in about an hour. Can I call you back when I am?” “I could come out to the farm and pick you up. It’d take me a good hour to dress and get there.” I mulled that over. I didn’t think Tyler would mind, but I wanted to ask him before I entertained, just to be sure. I refused to be the sort of houseguest who took advantage of his host’s generosity and good nature. “Maybe next time. Let me finish this up and then meet you. I noticed on the door Frolic is open during the day without the thumpa-thumpa of the dance floor for background noise.” 72

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“It is. We can get a pretty decent lunch, too. Two hours? And, Kenzie?” “Yeah?” “I’m sorry, too. Can we get past it?” I closed my eyes and tried to conjure the image of Dennis and Mason together, naked. I couldn’t. “We are past it, Mason. See you in a couple of hours.” I ended the call. Every fiber of my being screamed for me to hurry, but I knew better. I forced myself to follow the checklist and get the website up and running, even as thoughts of Mason occupied my mind. He’d called. I was inordinately nervous at the prospect of seeing him again. What was it about him that was so different? I clicked the button to publish the restored website, read the messages that popped up, and clicked again. The progress bar moved swiftly and so did I, checking the pages at warp speed. Thankfully, all of it looked fine so I sprinted down the hall to shower. Mason had mentioned seeing a movie, so I pulled on jeans and a sweater and figured I looked sexy enough for a dark theater. The guys weren’t back, so I dropped a note on the kitchen table. I doubted they’d worry. It was more like I wanted to let them know they could run naked through the house, chasing each other, without a witness. The interior of my car was freezing, as were my gloves. Someday I’d learn to keep them in my coat or jacket pocket. I hoped. I also hoped Mason would be early and my silent plea was answered. He stood inside the entrance, his gaze wary, waiting to open the door for me. Once I was inside, he eased my coat off my shoulders and handed it to the coatroom attendant. I did appreciate he was a gentleman. 73

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“You look like you slept well, Kenzie.” “Don’t kill me with small talk. Kiss me.” Mason’s eyes glowed with questions as he backed me against the wall. He wet his lips with a rapid flick of his tongue. I swallowed, finding it difficult to breathe normally. His thighs pressed to mine as he leaned against me and pinned me to the wall with his muscular frame. I quaked with anticipation of his mouth on mine. Mason leaned in and gave me the softest, sweetest kiss I’d ever received. I pulled him back to me when he tried to end the kiss. We nibbled and teased each other’s lips, reaching out in the kiss to say things words fumbled. He rested his forehead to mine, and we stood there, leaning on the wall while we basked in shared warmth. “Did you love him, Kenzie?” “Once upon a time, I’m sure I did. But I think I got over him a long time before I got over being angry with myself for staying with him so long. I still fight that.” I looked him in the eye. “I tried to imagine the two of you making love and I couldn’t.” “Thank God.” Mason kissed me again, a gentle pressing of his lips to mine, tasting of relief and hope. “Let’s go up to The Tea Room. The card club is in the bar and the canasta games are getting rowdy.” I allowed him to guide me up the stairs, enjoying the warm feel of his hand as it rested on the small of my back. We took a corner table, very private, with a good view of the empty dance floor. I did a double take when the waitress came to take our beverage order, but refrained from commenting on her gorgeous gams for fear the owner of those legs had a boyfriend with a decent right hook. Mason caught me looking and grinned. He snorted and handed me a menu. “Charlie has that effect on 74

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newbies. He looks good in a pinstripe suit, too.” “And to think—some of us are only versatile in bed. Lunch is on me. No arguing.” Mason nodded and thanked me. I’d have been pissed had he protested. Neither of us was overly hungry, so we went simple with soup and sandwiches. After Charlie strutted off with our food order, I held my hand out to Mason. “So, do you really want to take in a movie?” He shook his head. A slow smile teased the corner of his mouth. “I want to take you to my place, but I wonder if we should back off from, you know, screwing each other senseless every time we meet.” I blinked at him. Did he mean it? That was the sort of thing a guy said when he was in too deep too fast and he didn’t want to admit it to himself. “I like boinking you every time I see you, Mason.” He smiled. “It does the trick, no pun intended.” He leaned forward. “Kenzie, you’re special. Let’s slow down and take a look at each other, and if we can’t, we need to say goodbye.” I took a surprised breath. He’d taken a big risk saying that. Mason had no way of knowing how I would respond. “Wow. That’s laying it out there.” “Yes, but I don’t have another choice. I won’t cause you any more pain.” I stared at him. “You didn’t do a thing to me, Mason. Dennis and I should’ve split a long time before we did. I should’ve gotten on with my life, but I wanted a home. Well, guess what? Anywhere I am is home. I don’t need someone else to provide me with one. “I’ve been beating myself up for being stupid for a while now, 75

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and I’m tired of it. I’m letting go of it. Right or wrong, the choices I made in the past stand. Now I’m looking to the future and I’m going to be honest with myself for a change. I’ve learned how to do that.” He looked at me for a long time. All the while, his thumb rubbed my knuckles. His expression was carefully neutral, giving me no indication of his thoughts. I was about to demand he say something when our lunch arrived. We ate in virtual silence. I sensed he had words he wanted to say simmering just under the surface. I feared they were about Dennis, and it occurred to me he needed to say them more than I needed to hear them. If I refused to give him the chance to unburden himself, then saying goodbye would be best. I didn’t want to do that. I finished my sandwich and nudged his foot with mine. “Let’s ditch the movie.” Mason lifted an eyebrow at me. “Meaning?” “What do you want from me, Mason?” His neutral expression shifted to one of sadness. “You’re only going to be here for a couple of weeks. Maybe we need to keep that in mind.” “Things can change.” I saw a flicker of something in his gaze. Relief? Hope? “Mason, let’s go to your place and settle this once and for all. And if we end up where I think we might, maybe I have something to tell you.”

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CHAPTER 10 I followed Mason to a mid-century, four-story brick building and parked beside him in the off-street lot. Ever the gentleman, he hopped out of his car and hustled around to open my door for me. “Let me guess. You’re on the top floor.” “There’s an elevator…or were you hoping I’d carry you up the stairs?” I looked at him and rolled my eyes. “I’d prefer you not put your back out.” He snorted. “I guess that goes for me, too.” I slipped my arm around his waist. He pulled me against him, and we stood in the middle of his parking area holding each other. Being in his arms helped the cares of the world fade away. “We should go inside before all the snow hanging on the pine tree drops 77

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on us.” Mason nodded. “I’ll put coffee on to brew and we can have the dessert we didn’t get to eat last night. I brought it home with me.” I didn’t care much about dessert, but coffee loaded with caffeine had a lot of appeal. He took my hand and led me up the walkway to the entrance, where he entered a series of numbers on a keypad. The lock snicked, and he pushed the door open. We rode the elevator to the top floor in silence. His apartment was immediately to the right, a small, cozy space in shades of blue and cream. A queen-sized bed was tucked in the far corner, under one of the two windows the room had. The kitchen was one long counter with a single-bowl sink, a two-burner stove, and one of the skinniest refrigerators I’d ever seen. A loveseat, a television and an old dinette set completed the furnishings. “I’m looking for a bigger place,” he explained as he draped my jacket over the back of one of the chairs. “The problem is I’m too tight to pay a thousand-plus a month for a two-bedroom rental in a new construction.” “I don’t blame you.” If rents were that high in Marionville, I would end up staying at the farm. I eased down onto the loveseat and stretched out my legs. Mason grabbed one of the wooden chairs from the dining area and sat in front of me, elbows resting on his knees. I was relieved he wouldn’t be touching me as we talked. It would help me stay focused on the conversation, instead of the memory of his skin against mine. I didn’t want to remember being with him, not right now. Now was for listening and discovering the truth I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear, but would. All the nights I’d lain awake in my solitary bed, with my gut 78

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tied up in knots of self-doubt, wondering what I could have done differently deserved an answer. I’d walked so many roads to the closed door of the past. Suddenly, the door had swung open, and I needed to know whatever Mason might be able to tell me so I’d have complete closure. “I need to hear everything, Mason. I need to know what he said to you. All of it.” His gaze locked with mine, level and clear. “Meeting him was one of those things, Kenzie. Like I said, we saw each other in line, getting coffee and donuts. We chatted each other up, and he never said he had a partner.” I stared at him. “Do you know how it makes me feel to know he could go out and pretend I didn’t exist?” He shook his head. “No, but I’m sure it’s painful.” It was painful. Could I say to him what only Noel knew? If I let him touch my deepest hurt, would it ease? “My mother threw me away, too. Set me on the orphanage steps and walked away. I’ve lived my whole life under this huge question mark. What’s wrong with me?” “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re fantastic! I don’t think Dennis fucking me had anything to do with you.” “It didn’t, but it should have. We were partners. We bought a home together. We had joint investments. My name was on the title of his car. Why did we stop valuing each other? We both made mistakes. I’m trying so hard to figure myself out because I don’t want to repeat those mistakes with anyone else.” Mason took a deep breath, his gaze locked to mine. “The day it happened—and it was during the day—we got coffee, sat at a table, and I said I was going home. The weather was just too bad to be outside trying to work.” 79

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I remembered that day and the five inches of snow that fell. Dennis had called and said he was leaving his car at his office and taking a bus downtown to meet a client with a problem, and he’d need to work late. I hadn’t thought anything about it—until he got home wearing an excited sexual glow I hadn’t seen on him in a long time. “So you asked him to go home with you.” “No. He suggested we get a room, and I said yes. I don’t bring tricks home.” I shivered under Mason’s unflinching gaze, the meaning of his words not lost on me. “So you booked a room, and that part of I can’t take issue with. Dennis and I had an agreement about the occasional bit on the side.” Mason nodded. “So he said, in his admission of truth. I have an issue with it, though.” He stretched his back, then leaned forward again, but didn’t reach for my hand. “What bothers you the most? That you think he found me a better fuck than you?” “Now that you mention it, sure. Why don’t you tell me what I can’t ask him?” “Kenzie, you’re amazing and I can’t really remember much about the sex with him. I wish it hadn’t been me.” “I know. Me, too. I stopped loving him, yes. But he threw me away, Mason, the same way my mother did. The ‘why’ he did it is what eats me up inside. Did I bring it on myself?” A look of comprehension spread across his handsome features. He rubbed the back of his neck, as if to relieve some tension. “I don’t know what I can say except it’s his loss, Kenzie, more so than yours.” “Say you have coffee.” He hopped to his feet and scurried to the counter. I followed 80

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and reached for him. He turned, and we stood in his kitchen and leaned on each other. Why did I feel as though I could tell him anything and he’d understand? “Hey, I don’t want you to think I’m some nut job. I’m not. I’m not judging you, although my opinion of him is sinking lower. I need to know, in my gut, there was nothing I could’ve done to change any of it for the better.” “I never thought you were crazy.” He took a very deep breath. “I spent a few hours with him. We talked and fucked, and when he started to say things about his partner, I wanted away from him. I didn’t like it that he could so easily betray someone who trusted him. And I didn’t like it that I’d been attracted to him. You say you and he had ‘an agreement,’ but I don’t care. I’m not into the open relationship thing. Are you sure you want to hear this?” “I need to know. Just say it.” Mason licked his lips, took a breath, and forged ahead. “He told me how he’d been with you since you were very young. How he didn’t feel the same as he had. He was getting older, and it scared him. He thought he needed a change, maybe to move on, while he was young enough to still have some fun.” I thought it would hurt to hear the words spoken, but it didn’t. The truth was a balm to soothe what remained of a wound far more healed than I’d believed. He pulled away and looked at me. “Kenzie, he told you all this, didn’t he?” “Not in so many words, no.” I patted my chest. “I knew. In here.” I backed out of his arms. “You fix coffee while I find your facilities.” “Up the stairs, down the hall, make a left, third door on the right. Ring the bell for the butler if you get lost.” I snorted. He lived in an efficiency apartment. “Good one, but 81

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I’m betting on door number one.” The bathroom was small, but sufficient. A set of corner shelves provided a glimpse into Mason—aspirin, condoms, lube, an expensive citrus body wash that appeared unopened, disposable razors, toothpaste—all normal items. I helped myself to two aspirins, then took care of the reason I’d come into the bathroom in the first place. Mason sat at the table when I came out. I sat across from him and held out my hand. He laced his fingers through mine. “This wasn’t the date I had planned for today, Kenzie.” I smiled at him, and his eyes brightened. “Me, neither. I think we should have dessert while the coffee is still hot and drinkable.” Mason chuckled and leaned across the table to give me a quick kiss on his way to pour the coffee and serve the cheesecake. We ate our dessert in silence, and I sensed him preparing arguments to convince me to stay, but I didn’t need convincing. What had happened was over and done with, unchangeable. It was fucking unbelievable that Mason and I would end up in Marionville and find each other, but here we were. And that he’d been the catalyst for me to finally tell Dennis we were over? Unfucking-real. Maybe Noel’s theory of predestination was right. I savored the last bite of cheesecake as Mason waved his fork at me. “Let me ask you something. Do you think things happen for a reason?” I almost choked and I did burn my tongue when I took a gulp of coffee. I finally cleared my throat and met his concerned gaze. “Christ, you sound like my best friend.” “From what I’ve heard of him, I think that must be a compliment.” He put our plates and forks in the sink, topped off my coffee, and sat. “Are you gonna answer me?” 82

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“About predestination? I don’t have an answer. If I say I believe, then I was destined to be abandoned before I was born.” “Kenzie…” “Okay, that’s over-dramatizing, but you get my point. How can predestination work only for the good things?” “So you admit meeting me is a good thing?” I reached out and took both his hands in mine. “It’s a good thing in my world.” He squeezed my hands. “Mine, too. I wish I had some answers for you.” I lifted his right hand and kissed his knuckles. “It could be that answers are overrated. Maybe we’re supposed to keep questioning and searching. What if all that cliché stuff about the journey being more important than the destination is true?” Mason laughed softly. “How would you like to journey over to my bed with me?” My heart fluttered and settled at a faster pace. My toes did this weird little curling thing they’d never done before. That had to be Mason’s fault. His bed was exactly where I wanted to go, but I didn’t want to appear too eager. I released his hands, then picked up my coffee mug and saluted him with it. “Had enough philosophy for one day?” “I’m better as a naked philosopher. I have a theory that all your questions can be put to rest by experiencing incredible, mindaltering sex, and I believe I’m the man to give it you.” Goose bumps skittered across my chest and spread over my back, going all the way down to dark, secret places. My groin tightened. My dick lengthened. I met his gaze. I believed it, too. 83

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CHAPTER 11 The here and now. That’s all that mattered. If we were destined to meet, then I shouldn’t squander the opportunity for happiness the universe had special ordered for me. Mason stood and crooked a finger at me as he backed to the bed. I followed him, never taking my gaze from his. I hopped on one foot to get my shoes off, first one then the other. He perched on the edge of the bed and toed his off. Mason reached for my belt. “I could tie you to the bedpost with this.” I put my hands on his shoulder, pushed him flat and knelt over him, my position precarious on the edge of the mattress as I unzipped. “I don’t think so.” Laughing, he grasped my hips and brought his knees up. I tumbled sideways. 84

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In one swift movement, Mason rolled me beneath him, his cock hard against my thigh. I wrapped my arms around him and found his mouth. He kissed me feverishly, thrusting his tongue deep into my willing mouth. I let go of everything but my desire for him— my need for him. Mason’s lips trailed kisses down my neck even as we both wiggled and squirmed our way out of our clothes. Being skin-to-skin with him was exhilarating and exciting…and like finally coming home to where I belonged. “Kenzie, Kenzie, please say everything is okay.” I wrapped my legs around his waist and squeezed. His pelvis flexed to mine. I jumped and applied more pressure to his ribcage. “It is, I swear, but watch where you’re poking your bare pecker.” He inched down and away, trying not to laugh. “Sorry. I…it…oops.” “Yeah, yeah. Find a condom.” My mind raced ahead to a time he and I might come to a place where we didn’t need to worry about safe sex. It would be a first for me. His soft-spoken words drew me into his eyes. “After this.” His lips found mine. I dug my fingers into his silky hair and kissed him back with everything I had. He moaned into my mouth as his hand slid between us to stroke my shaft. It was my turn to moan as he rolled the skin forward over my glans. I’d leaked, and his fingers spread the drops. Mason ended the kiss and licked his way down to my cock. The moist heat of his mouth surrounded me. I closed my eyes as all my being spiraled down to those pulsing seven inches of flesh he skillfully caressed. I floated, only to surge upward with jolt after jolt of arousal, until I was forced to beg him to stop. Mason rose over me, quickly reclaiming my lips. I tasted myself in 85

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his kiss as his tongue licked into mine. It fueled my need to taste warm male flesh without any barriers. I pushed at him. He protested until I whispered my intent. Mason flipped over onto the pillows, mouth open, panting. In the gray winter light, his eyes looked black as he watched me stroke his rod. Never taking my gaze from his, I licked his slit and tasted the drop of pre-cum his body gave up for me. He tasted as good as I knew he would. I ran my tongue around the rim of his glans. He tensed and shuddered. Before he could catch his breath, I took him deep throat. “Oh, God! Don’t stop, Kenzie.” His fingers fisted in my hair. “Stop!” I released him with a little pop and grinned. “Which is it? Stop or go?” “I almost shot right down your throat.” He sucked in a lungful of air and let it in a long moan. I stretched out on top of him, gathered him in my arms, and kissed him. Mason hooked his heel behind my knees and rolled us. I reveled in the feel of his weight pressing me down. I slid my knees along his sides. “Get a condom.” Mason smacked the back of my leg, and I released him. He hopped off the bed and scampered toward the bathroom, stiff dick leading the way. “Don’t move.” I rolled over, stuck my ass in the air, and wiggled it at him. “Hurry up!” He said something over his shoulder, but I didn’t catch it. I fisted my hard cock and stroked, shivering in delight as the familiar pleasure spread out from my groin. Hot hands caressed my butt cheeks, then I heard the foil packet rip. 86

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“Who’s wearing this?” “You are,” I croaked at him and pumped my dick faster. Mason’s fingertips grazed tender, puckered flesh. My left arm almost gave out, but I caught myself before I landed on my nose. “Are you sure about this, Kenzie?” His fingers, slick with lube, pushed for entrance. I willed my body to relax under his skilled caress. I had no doubts left. I wanted him. I slowed my right hand, then released my shaft to brace myself on both hands for his penetration. “C’mon before I make a big wet spot on your sheet.” The mattress dipped beneath Mason’s weight as he knelt behind me, his knees between mine. The blunt tip of his cock slid along the dark crevice of my ass, then pressed into me with deliberate pressure. I breathed through the stretch, welcoming the fleeting burning sensation as he took me fully. Mason pulled back, and my body came to life around his, all the tiny muscles twitching in a gleeful dance. I couldn’t stop the moan that started in my balls and flowed from lungs suddenly starved for air. He started to move within me, slowly, refusing to hurry. His thighs pressed tightly to mine and his fingers gripped my hips with bruising strength. I shifted back, searching for the white-hot heat that lay waiting for his stroke to ignite. My right hand went back to my dick and matched the rhythm of Mason’s thrusts. I closed my eyes and spiraled down into a place of dark sensation. Then it happened. Mason shifted forward, and I burst into flames. Sweat broke out on my back and chest. I couldn’t breathe in, couldn’t exhale. My tingling balls drew up tight. My cock pulsed with every beat of my heart that matched every rapid stroke of my hand. Red spots 87

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danced in my vision and I came in a heated burst of pleasure that ripped an incoherent cry from my oxygen-starved lungs. He was with me, anchoring me, even as he groaned and jerked into me. Mason stilled, then his chest came to rest on my steaming back. How long we hung there, suspended in the moment, I don’t know. We were joined in the same aching place for a few heartbeats, so fleeting and yet an eternity to share a moment that time gifted to us only this once. He groaned softly, and I knew he verged on movement. His hand brushed my butt a second before he withdrew from me. I grimaced at the last, when the head of his dick slid out. I always found withdrawal to be an unusual feeling. Mason stumbled off the bed and into the bathroom. I dropped to the mattress to lie flat on my belly in the wet spot. I didn’t want to move ever again, but I had to. I listened to the sound of water running, and when Mason came out of the bathroom, I made my way in. He leaned on the doorframe as I tidied up. “You okay?” I rubbed the little knot on my head I’d given myself on the car door. Could that have been just last night? I nodded. “My knees are like jelly and my head still hurts. Does that count?” “Nope. Self-inflicted injuries only rate a small amount of sympathy, and you’ve exceeded your limit.” “Go away so I can pee.” Mason snickered all the way to the bed. He could laugh at me all he liked, but my bladder preferred privacy. I grabbed a towel off the shelf and made it back to the bed in the deepening murk of the winter twilight without mishap. I shooed him over and used the 88

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towel to cover the wet spot. Mason held the blankets up so I could slide in against him. He caressed my side, his warm palm coming to rest on my hip. “It’s getting dark.” “I noticed.” I rubbed his belly. “Are we just going to stay in bed all evening?” “Works for me.” He rolled away and hung over the edge of the bed, coming up with a remote control. Rock music filled the room and he hastily lowered the volume. When he settled again, I found his hand and laced my fingers through his. “Mason, I need to tell you something, but before I do, you need to know the decision isn’t based solely on what’s going on between us.” “Jeez, that sounds almost ominous. Am I going to like hearing this?” I hoped he would, but I knew there was a chance his attraction to me might partially be based on the fact he didn’t expect me to be in Marionville for very long. He could allow himself to become more deeply involved if he knew it wouldn’t be long-term. I understood that, and it worried me. I was about to change the parameters of our relationship. “Here’s what’s going on. Noel has spoken to me about moving here to be closer to him, and I’m going to do it.” Mason blinked at me. I’d have given a lot to know what was going on behind his pretty hazel eyes. Finally, he spoke. “Okay. That’s a surprise, but not a bad one.” I breathed out a silent sigh of relief. “I don’t want you to think I expect us to be together past tonight, because I don’t.” “Why the fuck not?” It was my turn to blink. “Well…I told you I was here visiting 89

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Noel for a couple of weeks. Maybe I’m just a little fling.” He leaned in and kissed me, a light brushing of his lips to mine. “You have some strange notions, Kenzie Zahn.” “Meaning?” I didn’t want anything unsaid between us. We needed to be in the same place. “I’m glad you’re moving here. It means I can still see you.” He licked his lips. “If you want to see me.” “I want to see you.” His eyes turned wary. “But you don’t want…” I laid my hand on his chest. His heart pounded under my palm. I was glad, too, because mine beat just as rapidly. “To rush. You said it, Mason. We need to take a look at each other.” He tried to hide the wave of relief that swept over his face, but I saw it before the carefully neutral expression I knew so well fell into place like a mask. Now I understood it was one of his protection mechanisms. “I like looking at you, Mason.” “I’m glad, Kenzie. More than I can say. When does this move take place?” “I don’t have a set timetable, but it will be a couple of weeks before I can get back to Colorado for my the rest of my clothes and arrange to have what furniture I have shipped. And I can’t go until the guys get back from their cruise. I’m supposed to be house sitting for them while they’re gone.” “Okay. Should I speed up my search for a bigger apartment?” So much for not rushing. So much for needing to get to know each other better. Maybe he’d seen all he needed to see. Apparently, so had I because I thought he should move ahead with his search for a new apartment, just in case the next few 90

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weeks turned out the way I hoped they would. “That would be a really good idea.”

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CHAPTER 12 Five months later… They say we dream even if we don’t recall doing so when we wake. I wanted to remember this one. I floated in a warm sea, lying on a swath of wide, soft fleece, surrounded by darkness. So many hands caressed my body, moving over my legs and thighs with strong, skilled strokes. Unseen, the breath of a lover blew across my buttocks, raising goose bumps. Wet lips suckled my nipples, bringing the small nubs to tingling peaks. I pleaded with my phantom lovers to ease me, to spread for me so I could bury my aching cock deep in heated flesh. I begged for one of them to take me, to make me burn as he pushed into me. I struggled to breathe as they kissed me, to see them, but their 92

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faces remained blurred. I tasted peppermint and opened my lips to my first lover, suddenly no longer a boy, but a shadowy man with hard, lean thighs that roughly shoved mine apart. He pressed me down as my knees lifted, only it was Mason now, his cock seeking that hidden orifice. I rolled to my knees and pulled his ass into the curve of my body and sank into him. My dream lover groaned, a long, drawn-out sound. My heart beat furiously, deafening me. I saw his lips moving, calling my name, but I couldn’t hear him. Moist lips encircled my cock, and I fell into bliss, riding the waves of completion, my hot life sliding down his throat. I jerked awake, gasping for breath as the climax faded. Sweat stung my eyes as I took in the unfamiliar surroundings. The new place. Half a double, in Easton. In the murky darkness of the pre-dawn hour, Mason’s face swam into focus. Awareness of what had just happened crept over me. I’d dreamed about the blowjob, but the end result was blissfully real. The corner of his mouth twitched. His drowsy eyes narrowed. I had the distinct impression he found something amusing. Mason spoke first, his voice raspy with sleep. “Good morning.” Every morning was a good one when you got your rocks of before you were even awake. I did my best to glare at him, but the flushed, self-satisfied expression on his face made it difficult. I levered up on an elbow and surveyed the semen splattered over my belly. I knew he wouldn’t buy it, but I tried to sound annoyed. “You slimed me. I hope you don’t plan to make jerking off all over me, then molesting me in my sleep a habit.” “No promises.” “Remember turnabout is fair play.” I stretched, loose and 93

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relaxed from the orgasm. “You’re going to be late for work.” Mason wiggled against me. “I’ve got the day off to finish moving.” I groaned and rolled my sore shoulders. “We rented a house. I remember now.” We’d searched high and low for a suitable place in Marionville. Neither of us liked any unit we saw, and Mason’s lease was about to run out. Tyler and Noel told us to screw paying rent and just live at the farm for a while, but we needed our own space. We’d spent months alternating where we slept, and occasionally sleeping alone, which didn’t make either of us very happy. We wanted a place big enough for both us to spread out, but not lose track of where the other was. Rooms to fill with belongings that were ours, not just his or mine. Walls on which to hang pictures of friends—his, mine and ours. I’d despaired of finding a place. Tyler’s offer of a piece of land was still on the table, but it wasn’t the time, not yet. Mason agreed. We needed to keep looking at each other, at least until the company he worked for finished their expansion. When Tyler came home from the garage one evening and said there was half a duplex for rent in Easton, we jumped at the chance. I’d claimed the smallest of the three bedrooms as an office for my expanding business, and Mason had room in the garage for all his tools. We had a small backyard with a patio and a gazebo, and the layout wouldn’t take much mowing. It was perfect. Mason was perfect, too, but I conceded my opinion was biased. He inched closer and looped his leg over my hip, bringing his penis against mine. I grinned at him, knowing his thoughts matched mine. We’d gone together for HIV testing and, being 94

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monogamous, were slowing relaxing the boundaries of safe sex. “We could just stay in bed, Kenzie. Snuggle down. Sleep the day away.” God, I was tempted. “When will we finish unloading the moving truck?” “I had to take up with a practical man.” He sighed. I pulled him tight against me and slanted my lips over his. Mason moaned into my mouth, a low sound of longing and regret. I grazed his lower lip with the tip of my tongue and he opened to me with an eager swipe of this tongue to mine. Back and forth we teased, without serious intent. We really did need to take the truck back before we had to pay another day’s rental. Mason pulled away and ran his thumb over my lips. “Are you happy, Kenzie?” I was so happy I didn’t know what to do with myself. My cheeks hurt from the perpetual smile I wore. I accepted I’d made some big mistakes, but I’d put the past behind me, where it belonged. With Mason, I’d found what had been missing in my life—a true, loving partnership. I teased his nipple, smiling as it pebbled under my fingertips. I loved these quiet moments we shared, where the bond between us deepened. “You can’t tell?” “Yeah, I can.” Even in the darkness of the room I saw a smile spread across his face. Mason ducked his head and kissed my neck a moment before he whispered in my ear, “I think we were predestined to be together.” I laughed softly and stroked his bristly cheek. He could be right. I knew he was. 95

KC KENDRICKS KC Kendricks makes her home in Maryland with her partner of twenty years. Living in a rural area, KC enjoys most outdoor activities except those that require snow. In warm weather KC might be found walking the dog, biking on the C&O Canal towpath, planting delicacies for the deer, playing in the creek with the youngest generation of her cousins, or lazing on the patio with a Kindle reader or a laptop. An administrative assistant by day, and best-selling author by night, Kendricks’ is a 2008 Amber Heat Wave Winner. Her work has also been nominated for a CAPA from The Romance Studio, the Elisa Rolle LGBT Rainbow Award, and Best GLBT Story at Love Romance Café. Her contemporary gay romances celebrate love and hope for mature readers. For more information about KC, please visit her website at http://www.kckendricks.com, and her personal blog, Between the Keys, at http://kckendricks.blogspot.com. *

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Don’t miss Open Roads by KC Kendricks, available at AmberAllure.com! Tyler Phillips enjoys his small-town life. He’ll never get rich working the family business, but he knows there’s more to a man

than the size of his bank account. Easing into mid-life, Tyler’s restless for something he can’t find in the little borough of Easton—male companionship. Noel Springs got caught up in the economic downturn. With his job gone, and retirement many years in the future, Noel decides to take a long drive and see some of the country before dedicating himself to finding new employment. The open road is just what he needs. But when Noel's car overheats outside the little town of Easton, he discovers the local mechanic is far hotter than his radiator, and just as eager to blow off some steam…

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