Fang dysfunction

FANG DYSFUNCTION by

Anna Evans

FANG DYSFUNCTION A Chippewa Publishing Publication, August 2005

Chippewa Publishing, LLC. 678 Dutchman Drive, Suite 3 Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin 54729 Available Formats: Adobe Acrobat Reader (PDF) Other available formats: Palm Doc (PDB), Rocket/REB1100 (RB), Pocket PC 1.0+ Compatible, Franklin eBookMan (FUB), hiebook (KML), iSilo (PDB), Mobipocket (PRC), OEBFF Format (IMP), Microsoft Reader (LIT) FANG DYSFUNCTION Copyright © 2005 Anna Evans Edited by Kimberly Burton Cover Art by Juan Iglesias Proofed by Amanda Baker ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book may not be reproduced in whole, or in part, by any means, without the written consent of the publisher. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination, or are fictitiously used. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons living or dead, is entirely coincidental. WARNING: The contents of this book are intended for mature audiences only. Language, violence, and sexual situations may apply.

Fang Dysfunction

Anna Evans

FANG DYSFUNCTION

“This can’t be happening,” Erin moaned as she looked in the mirror for the fiftieth time in the past twenty minutes, but it was happening. There was no denying that the little bastard was shrinking. Pulling into itself like the less-thanimpressive penis on the naked man lying at her feet. “Please tell me you didn’t order in again,” Kayla, her roommate, sighed as she entered the apartment. “Leave me alone, wretched woman,” Erin muttered under her breath, moving even closer to the reflection staring back at her from the mantle mirror and gently poking at her tooth. Yup, it was definitely smaller, way smaller. Hell, if she turned sideways and squinted with one eye, she did not even look like a vampire. “Bigger problems than a naked delivery boy and a large pepperoni pizza spilled on the white carpet?” Kayla asked as she crossed the room. “Yes, bigger.” “I see, you’re right, it has to be bigger. Almost anything would have to be bigger than that.” Kayla said. “Would you believe he was a grower not a shower?” “No. Too bad you can’t order sizes for the men as well as the pizza.” Kayla laughed as she poked the deliveryman gently with the toe of her shoe. “Leave Stumpy alone, you heartless bloodsucker,” Erin said, falling into their familiar teasing more for comfort than anything else, seeing as she really was not in the mood for verbal sparring at the moment. “Don’t get your fangs in twist, I wouldn’t dream of bothering…Stumpy. He looks like he’s been through enough already.” “I guess I should get him dressed,” Erin said, feeling sorry for the man who would have been her dinner. He might have been sorely lacking in certain departments, but he did not deserve her tossing him on the floor like an empty pizza container. “But you haven’t drank from him yet,” Kayla said. “So? I’ll go get something later. I’m not hungry anyway,” Erin replied evasively, deciding it might be wise to hide the sight of her oddly shrunken tooth from her roomie. Kayla was beautiful, dark, mysterious, seductive, and elegant, and took to being a vampire as if she had been born undead. Erin seriously doubted she had Page 4

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ever suffered something as shameful as fang dysfunction and really was not in the mood for the ‘oh my god how can you really be this bad at being a bloodsucker’ speech. “You are too hungry, I can smell it,” Kayla said, squatting down and trying to catch her eye as Erin pulled the delivery boy into a seated position and started to stuff his arms into his checkered button up shirt “You should just take a little snack to hold you down. Otherwise, you know how you get.” “Will you just leave me alone? I’ve got this under control, you nosy bitch,” Erin said. “See you’re cranky already, you always get cranky when you’re—” Kayla broke off suddenly, her dark brown eyes widening dramatically in her flawless mocha face. “Oh my god, Erin, what happened to your tooth?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Erin mumbled as she tried to close her mouth tightly around the traitorous little fang. “This just isn’t possible,” Kayla said. “Most vampires don’t develop retractable incisors until at least their second century. You’re only a few years old. There has to be something wrong.” “Thanks for the reassurance, it’s sweet of you to allay my young vampire fears, but I’m sure I’ll be fine,” Erin said, hauling the dead weight of the man over her shoulder and struggling to pull his boxer briefs the last few inches over his rather—eww—hairy bottom. “Not if you can’t feed you won’t be fine,” Kayla said, “When was the last time you ate?” “Not too long ago,” Erin said, wishing Kayla would help her get Mr. Tall, Dark, and Hairy back into his pants instead of holding forth on the direness of her situation, but she had never been the type to ask for help. “Will you please stop with him? This is serious,” Kayla said, focusing her energy on the deliveryman for a brief second before he floated into the air, his pants sliding on with ease. Mere moments later he was floating through the front door, regaining consciousness in time to be set down gently outside the elevator in the hallway, the encounter obviously wiped cleanly from his memory. Kayla then walked over to close the door, Erin guessed more to have something to do, rather than that she was tired from her mental workout. Her roommate was a gifted telepath, teleporter, and a bit of an amateur witch as well as a vampire. It was not the first time Erin thought it was terribly unfair for her to be so multitalented as well as gorgeous. It was like having a best friend who was a supermodel, but performed brain surgery and wrote symphonies in her spare time. “Actually performing brain surgery is a lot like fixing a car engine. It’s not nearly so complicated as they’d have you think,” Kayla said with a smile, taking

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Erin’s arm and pulling her toward the comfy overstuffed couch that dominated the room. “Stop reading my mind,” Erin said, sighing as she collapsed next to her friend. “I’m just trying to help,” Kayla said softly. “Now when was the last time you ate?” “I had a banana when I woke up tonight,” Erin said with a tired smile. “I don’t mean empty calories, I mean blood.” “Three days ago,” Erin confessed, bringing a hand up to probe self-consciously at her amazing vanishing fang. “No wonder you look smaller! That’s too long to go between feedings, especially for someone so young.” Kayla said, looking concerned. “Hey, shrinking of the body isn’t so bad. I fit into my size eight pants this morning.” “You’re not losing weight, you’re dehydrating. If you don’t watch it you’re going to shrivel up like a prune.” “Or a raisin.” “Or a dried cranberry, pick your fruit,” Kayla said, obviously not in the mood to be distracted. “So the last feeding was the Chinese food?” “No the Greek,” Erin said, surprised to find that her tooth began to tingle a bit as she thought about the beyond stunning man who had delivered her pita and hummus platter. “My tooth just tingled,” she continued, struggling to hang on to the tingling by focusing on how the big burly man with dark salt and pepper hair had tasted as she’d pulled him to the floor by the doorway. She had managed to get to his neck before he had finished his strip tease or passed out from the strength of his orgasm, which was important because she had a thing about eating from unconscious people. It was creepy and totally spoiled her appetite. Of course, that was probably at least part of her tooth problem. Not many human men could hang on to consciousness for long around a hungry female vampire unless the vamp could control her energy and bring it down to a respectable level. Being a young vampire and not naturally gifted at control of any kind even before her change, Erin often inspired men to strip naked, find release in their hand, and pass out before she even had the chance to grab a quick bite. It had become a truly frustrating and horrible situation. She could not go out until she had eaten, for risk of inspiring a virtual epidemic of sex perverts doffing their clothes in the streets. However, she could not eat at home half the time because the delivery boys just were not up to the challenge of holding on to their wits or their wads long enough for her to satisfy her thirst, let alone any of her appetites. Page 6

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“This is exactly what I thought,” Kayla said with a knowing look. “You’ve lost your blood drive.” “My blood drive? That sounds like I’ve misplaced the Red Cross for God’s sakes,” Erin said with a laugh, though she suddenly feared that her first thoughts about fang dysfunction were not too far off the mark. Another near hysterical laugh burst from her throat as she wondered if they had vampy Viagra. Geez…she needed to eat, she was getting loopy from hunger. “It happens to a lot of young vampires,” Kayla said, looking more than concerned. “But you can’t let it get out of hand. It could kill you, you know.” “I’m not trying to kill myself, Kayla, it’s happening on its own. It’s just like my fang has gone on strike or something,” Erin said, “It’s probably tired of dealing with fang teasers who pass out before giving up the goods. Which reminds me that I’ve been wanting ask you, have you ever thought about how having fangs is kind of phallic? Do you every feel less womanly because you have to pierce a guy’s, or a girl’s, throat to get off?” “I have no response to that,” Kayla said after a brief pause. “You’re obviously getting delirious from lack of sustenance and we’re going to take care of that right now. Get your coat on.” “But it’s hot as hell outside,” Erin protested, dreading a trip through the New York subway in July with her winter coat bundled tightly around her body, but extra layers were the only thing that seemed to help lessen the effect she had on the male population at large. “We’ll take a cab,” Kayla promised. “The sooner we reach our destination the better.” “Exactly where are we going?” Erin asked, wondering at the strange gleam in Kayla’s eye. “You aren’t going to take me to the gay bar again are you?” “No, you made it clear you aren’t any fun last time,” Kayla said with a little sniff. Erin had not been able to enjoy the setting, no matter how funny many of the men had been or how great the music. She was hungry damn it and gay men firmly killed all urge to feed. Drinking blood was sexual after all and it destroyed the mood when she knew a man would prefer it if she spelled her name Aaron, dressed better, and had a penis. Unfortunately, she did not share Kayla’s affection for women. Women hardly ever misbehaved like the human men she dealt with on a nightly basis. Maybe it had something to do with it being harder for a woman to reach orgasm, but Erin had never heard of a female passing out before a vampire was at least able to feed, if not do a lot more. A lot more… She did not even want to think about how long it had been she had done ‘a lot more’. Two years was how long it had been, ever since the night she became a Page 7

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vampire—not that she didn’t have dry spells, even in her human life, but this was getting ridiculous. She was a seductive creature of the night and not hard on the eyes, she should be beating men off with a stick, not watching them beat off then pass out. Erin had even tried for a vampire ‘friend’ once or twice, feeling confident that her beyond ample curves were just the sort of thing a fellow bloodsucker would love to sink his teeth into and praying maybe they would be able to provide her with a little much-needed sexual release. However, every time she had approached a male vamp, they fled her presence as if Satan had marked her as his own. Erin had always been a traditional Irish beauty; long brown hair, pale, lightly freckled skin, and green eyes filled with a healthy dose of sass. Despite the sass, however, she’d never scared men away when she was alive, at least not until they learned how viscously she kicked in her sleep or that she had a smart mouth even when she wasn’t drinking beer. Apparently, however, she was now repellent to the penis owning population of her new species, having been ‘marked’ as belonging to another vampire. It was embarrassing and only made her hate him more. Why had he saved her if he knew she was going to be forced to be without a companion for the rest of her life? Though she liked being alive, even if she was technically undead, sometimes Erin wondered why Derrick had bothered. From what she had heard, he was anything but a Good Samaritan, so it made his actions that night even more inexplicable. A car had hit her, and she lay dying in the middle of the street. Blood was everywhere, she hurt like hell, but Erin had felt a strange sense of acceptance all the same. She’d been halfway through letting her life flash in front of her eyes, in fact, when the most unbelievably handsome man she had ever met picked her up in his arms and made her suddenly rethink that whole ‘slipping quietly into the veil’ business. Like something out of a very sexy horror movie, he had sprouted bat-like wings and flown them to a deserted rooftop with a killer view of the New York skyline. There, he had done things to her that she had only imagined possible. Not only had he treated her with exquisite gentleness, healing her wounds and making her feel healthier and more cared for than she had in all her twenty-eight human years, but he’d made her come until it hurt. Seriously, the pleasure had been so intense that she was fairly sure she had screamed for mercy. If she hadn’t already been transformed into a member of the undead, she doubted that her pussy could have held up to such a sensual onslaught as he had waged with his mouth, his hands, his tongue, and his exquisitely perfect nine-inch dick. It was not too long, not too short, and just a little bit thicker at the head than at the base—it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen.

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She remembered every detail of that cock better than she remembered her own face. She’d been pathetically infatuated by the night’s end, had even gone so far as to thank God for letting her be a vampire and spend the rest of her life with this man. After all, vampires mated for life. Right? They only made one new vampire and then spent eternity with them, living happily ever after in the eternal night of the undead. Damned, stupid, misleading mythology. He bailed, dropped her at Kayla’s place, mumbled something about how he was not ready for commitment, and then deserted her, never to show his obscenely handsome face again. Kayla had more than risen to the job of friend and vampire mentor and Erin was appropriately grateful, but a part of her still hurt because of his abandonment. She tried to force herself not to care, to forget the jerk ever existed, but so far she had met with little success. “And what jerk is this?” Kayla asked. “Stop reading my mind! Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Don’t you have any code of ethics about this kind of thing?” Erin snapped, feeling ridiculously cranky. “You are ridiculously cranky,” Kayla said. “I’m not even talking to you again until you’ve eaten. I’m likely to lose a fang myself.” “Sorry,” Erin said as they scurried from the doorway of their apartment building to the cab Kayla had called, managing to ease safely inside before any of the men on the street caught scent of Erin’s hunger. “You know what jerk, though; it’s the same jerk as always.” “Derrick? Why would you suddenly be thinking about him, I wonder?” Kayla asked with another strange gleam in her otherwise perfectly beautiful baby browns. “I don’t know. Why would I?” Erin asked, narrowing her own gaze in her friend’s direction. She would not, would she? “Oh my god, your fang just grew,” Kayla said with a gasp of excitement. “I knew this would be just the thing.” “No Kayla, you didn’t, you wouldn’t,” Erin said, her stomach beginning to cramp with anxiety as well as hunger even as her fang set to tingling like a phantom limb. “The situation between you two is so ridiculous,” Kayla said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “You need to talk it out and quit mooning around feeling frustrated and resentful with each other.” “Frustrated and resentful? What in the hell does he have to be frustrated and resentful about? He’s the asshole here! He’s the wham, bam, thank you ma’am, ‘sorry I made you a member of the undead but I have to go now’, love ‘em and leave ‘em to a life of fang dysfunction asshole!” Erin yelled, unable to contain the fury that surged through her veins. Page 9

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Yes. Fury was good; it kept her from acknowledging the sharp wave of physical, sexual need that had knifed through her at the thought that she would soon be in his presence again for the first time in two years. Her heart had leapt into her throat, while her clit commenced beating out a throbbing SOS for his touch and her mouth and traitorous pussy began to water. “What a waste of fluids,” Erin mumbled to herself. She would really be pruney if she didn’t stop this nonsense. Screw him, who cared what her body thought? Her mind knew he was a jerk. “But you’re still going to screw him,” Kayla said. “Of course I am, you repulsive little mind weasel,” Erin returned. “But I’m going to make him feed me first. I never got dinner and a movie the first time around. It just doesn’t seem fair to turn a girl into a bloodsucker without at least a little good old fashioned courting, now does it?” “I have to agree. I think it’s a perfect idea and to really twist his arm, I’ll act like I’ve gotten sick of you and want you out of my apartment tonight. It’s time for him to grow up and take responsibility for his problem rather than dumping her on someone else.” Kayla said, getting so into her performance that Erin suddenly felt a little twinge of hurt. “Problem?” “Right, it’s not my fault that he’s not ready to be a mate. He made you and he has to step-up-to-the-plate even if it’s not on the top of his to-do list.” “You’re totally kidding right? You know I’d be gone if I thought you didn’t like having me around, don’t you?” Erin asked. “Of course I’m kidding, girl. For someone who can dish it with the best of them, you’re very sensitive. I love having you around; you’ve brought me into the twenty-first century. I never would have figured out the Internet without you,” Kayla said, reaching over to tweak Erin’s runty fang. “Hands off the fang,” Erin said, smiling a bit lopsidedly since her incisor had yet to return to full length, despite the promise of Derrick’s luscious bod waiting at the end of the cab ride…that suddenly came to an abrupt end at that very moment, not ten minutes from where they started. Good God, she had no idea that he lived so close. As a vampire with bat wings flies, they were practically neighbors. How in the hell had she avoided an accidental meeting with him in the past two years? “Easy, you don’t go out much and he’s been out of the country a lot,” Kayla said. Erin wondered if Kayla knew what a nasty little bitch she was for constantly poking around in other people’s heads like some kind of telepathic rapist run amok.

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“I’m sorry if you were trying to tell me something, I wasn’t listening,” Kayla said with a smile, then laid a quick, comforting hand on Erin’s. “Are you ready for this?” “As ready as I’ll ever be,” Erin said as she paid for the cab, knowing that it was past time for her to deal with Derrick. Her memory of their one night together had haunted her more than she liked to admit, though she supposed it was natural to have issues with the vampire who made you, kind of like an Electra complex, but not involving an actual blood relation. Whatever it was, complex, obsession, or just plain old hurt feelings, it was time to deal with them and move on. Maybe then, she would be able to get control of herself, stop making mortal men pass out, and lead a nice, normal vampire life with two fangs, lots of bloodsucking, and more hot sex than a girl could shake a stick at. “Let’s make this convincing,” Kayla said with an evil grin, mounting the steps to the impressive Upper East Side home two at a time. “Okay,” Erin said, not really paying attention since her entire being was focusing on the fact that she was going to see him, him, in possibly a matter of seconds. Kayla stopped abruptly at the door, her perfectly plucked brows drawing together as she listened to the sounds coming from within the house. Even Erin, though not three-hundred-years-old or particularly in touch with her vampire gifts, could hear the noises that were emanating from the top floor. Hell, if she had been mortal she might have been able to hear them. It was not as if as if they were trying to be discreet. “Are we going to ring the bell and interrupt?” Erin asked, feeling her mouth go completely dry as her pussy curled in on itself like a neglected houseplant. Nothing could kill the mood like hearing the object of your lust engaged in some sort of orgy. “No, we’re going to do something much more dramatic,” Kayla said as she suddenly grabbed Erin by the arm and leapt into the air. “Shit!” Erin screamed as she looked down to see nothing but air beneath her feet. Then Kayla kicked in the window of a third floor bedroom, and pulled her into relative safety, if you consider having someone yank you through broken glass to emerge in the middle of a vampire orgy safe. Derrick looked as delicious as ever, of course. His muscles rippled beneath his tanned skin, and dark brown hair fell rakishly over his forehead. His perfectly shaped ass, as perky and assilicious as always, clenched as his truly stunning cock pumped into the mortal woman who knelt before him on all fours, moaning and panting like a dog in heat, wiggling against his thrusts like he was the best damn fuck in the entire universe. According to Erin’s knowledge, he was indeed, but that did not mean she wanted anyone else in on the secret. Page 11

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Of course, that was not all. No, Erin thought to herself, she wouldn’t be lucky enough to catch him with just one woman. While his dick was busy with slut number one, he had his mouth embedded in the large and generous pussy of slut number two. She was standing straddled over the first woman, her hands clutching Derrick’s hair, and her head thrown back in obvious ecstasy as he drank from her crotch. That sick pervert, Erin did not even know you could drink from there. Couldn’t he be satisfied with nice respectable necking? Of course, the tableau before them only lasted for a second after the smashing sound of glass, but it was more than long enough for possessive, jealous fury, the likes of which she had never known, to consume Erin. She thought she was furious before, she had been dead wrong, that had been only slight irritation compared to this. That was sand in her bikini bottom at the beach; this was full out throatripping anger. “Get off!” she screamed as she lunged across the room, surprising everyone including herself, when she pulled slut number two away from Derrick’s mouth. “You need a bikini wax,” Erin hissed into the terrified mortal’s face before hurling her across the room. “And you…,” she continued, yanking slut number one from Derrick’s dick where she was still impaled like a particularly unsavory hors d'oeuvre and pulling her close to her mouth. “…are going to be breakfast.” She did not know if it was the anger that did it, or the sight of Derrick’s luscious naked body, his fully erect cock, or the heat that had filled his eyes from the first moment that he looked at her, but Erin suddenly felt her gimpy fang spring to full attention. Keeping her eyes firmly connected to Derrick’s, she pulled the woman to her, bending her neck forcefully to the side before sinking her teeth deeply into her pale flesh. As she drank deeply from Derrick’s little toy, she was surprised to find that slut number one didn’t taste so bad and that she herself was getting more than a little turned on by the clear enjoyment on Derrick’s face as he watched her feed. It reminded her of how girls used to dance together in college just because the frat boys thought it was hot, except not nearly as adolescent or ridiculous. Slut number one seemed to be enjoying herself as well, clinging to Erin like she was nearly as fantastic as Derrick’s penis, but Erin didn’t let herself be fooled. Nothing could be as fantastic as Derrick’s penis; she knew that from first hand knowledge, that damn son of a bitch. “Oh, don’t stop,” the woman in Erin’s arms, pleaded as she withdrew her teeth. “Don’t ever stop.” “Sorry, I don’t do that sort of thing,” Erin said, starting to feel a little uncomfortable as slut number one rubbed up and down her body like she was going to start humping her leg. Page 12

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“But I do,” Kayla said with a voice like pure silk. Erin looked over to the window to see slut number two already wrapped around her friend like she couldn’t wait to find out what lay underneath Kayla’s relatively conservative black pantsuit. “You are so beautiful,” slut number one said in a drugged voice as she moved toward Kayla like a sleepwalker, a very naked, oversexed sleepwalker. “I hope you don’t mind, Derrick, but I’ll be taking these two with me,” she practically purred. “Dress yourselves, darlings.” As the women hurriedly began to retrieve their clothes, Kayla walked purposefully toward the bed where Derrick still kneeled in a state of apparent shock and where Erin still stood, not quite sure what to do next. “I’m done with this, Derrick,” Kayla said, her eyes harder than Erin had ever seen. “She’s your responsibility, and I’m done with her.” “Kayla,” Derrick said, smoothly pulling a sheet around his lower half as he eased off the bed and moved toward her. “I thought you cared for her, thought you had enjoyed having a companion.” “Hello, I’m here, jerk wad,” Erin said, earning a slightly sheepish look from Derrick that made her suspect he was as at a loss as how to act as she was. “See?” Kayla said, shooting Erin a look of irritation that she was more than grateful she knew was only an act, “She’s difficult, she’s a disaster at being undead, and she doesn’t even want to fuck me. Why would I want her around?” “You bitch!” Erin said, starting to get really mad. There was making things believable and then there was just plain nastiness. “Sorry, dear, but enough is enough,” Kayla said, motioning for her new sex slaves to follow her out the door to the bedroom. “We’ll show ourselves out. You two play nice.” Then she was gone, and Derrick and Erin were alone in his bedroom, he was naked and she was not, and everything felt suddenly wrong, so very, very wrong. “I’m sorry, I should go too. We obviously have nothing to discuss,” Erin said, feeling her throat start to grow painfully tight as she moved toward the bedroom door. “Wait,” Derrick said and suddenly appeared in her path. “Please wait. I’m…” “You’re what?” Erin asked, crossing her arms over her chest to keep from reaching for him. He smelled like a slice of heaven, even with the scent of the two mortal women still clinging to him. She wanted to run her tongue out to trace the contours of his chest muscles possibly more than she had wanted anything in her life, at least in the past two years. “I’m…” Derrick shrugged, looking at her as if he was a lost little boy instead of a big strapping vampire who was at least a foot taller than her five-three and obviously much more powerful than Erin could even dream of being. Page 13

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“You’re what? A jerk? A sex pervert? A big, old, mean, ass wipe not fit to lick the toes of my shoes?” Erin said, getting into her spiel. Concentrate on his bad points—that was the ticket. Don’t think about his incredible yumminess or that he was naked underneath that sheet. “I was going to say I was sorry,” Derrick returned, the vulnerability vanishing from his face. “But obviously there’s no need.” “Why not? You should be sorry!” Erin said. “For what? Saving your life? Giving up my one chance at having a mate for eternity in order to keep a woman I’d never met from bleeding to death on the street?” “I didn’t ask for any favors buddy,” Erin said, suddenly feeling a little prick of uncertainty. So he had given up all that for her. It didn’t seem like him, but what did she really know about him other than that the night they’d shared had been the best of her life, and that she’d missed him ever since? “I realize that you didn’t, that’s why I let you be.” Derrick said, his jaw clenching as he looked around the room, seeming uncertain as to where they went from here. “I didn’t ask to be let be, either.” Erin said quietly. “You could have found me if you’d wanted,” Derrick said, still avoiding her eyes. “It’s not as if I left you on the other side of the world. If the night we shared had meant anything to you, you would have come to me and we could have proceeded from there.” “All right, let me get this straight.” Erin said. “It was my responsibility to figure out the way you were thinking and come to you while simultaneously adjusting to being a bloodsucker and being dead and being abandoned by the guy who made me?” “I didn’t abandon you,” Derrick yelled. “I left you in the good keeping of one of my dearest friends.” “Who was a total stranger to me!” Erin yelled back. “Well, what was I? A total stranger and a man who wanted more from you than it was right to expect from a woman who hadn’t even had a choice,” Derrick said, stomping toward the bathroom door in the corner of the room. “Where are you going?” Erin yelled after him. “To take a shower,” Derrick yelled, sticking his head out the door and narrowing his brown eyes in her direction, “Is that at least acceptable to you?” “Yes, you should shower, you reek of mortal sluts,” Erin said. “Mortal sluts?” Derrick asked, the hint of a smile teasing at the edges of his full, beautiful mouth. “Yep, sluts,” Erin repeated.

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“You didn’t seem to mind when you were drinking your fill from Elena,” he returned, that sexy, burning look coming into his eyes again. “You are a sex pervert,” Erin said, feeling an uncomfortable awareness between her legs. She started to blush under his steamy gaze, which was quite an accomplishment considering she was still feeling a little low on the old blood levels. “I suppose I am,” Derrick said with a small laugh before disappearing into the bathroom and turning on the water. Erin flopped on the edge of the bed with a sigh, then thought about all the gross girly fluid that must be on the sheets and rose to pace around the large master suite. Her logical mind was carefully analyzing their conversation even as her less logical mind imagined what Derrick must look like under a jet of water, carefully soaping up each inch of his stunning undead flesh. He had wanted her to come to him; she had sensed that much, at least. He had also thought that the night they were together was special, had wanted to see where they could go from there, but had felt it had to be her decision. Why? “Because he made me a vampire without asking permission first,” Erin muttered to herself aloud. Jesus, he wasn’t a jerk. He was probably one of the nicest guys she had ever met, the ass. Any other man, vamp or otherwise, would have felt she owed him for saving her life, would have had no qualms about using her as he saw fit, but he’d wanted something more, she could see that now. He wanted a ‘mate for eternity’ as he had called it, and he wanted a mate who had chosen him freely. “But he’s also cranky about what he gave up,” Erin reminded herself. He had made the crack about giving up his mate card for a woman he had never met, but then again, he had at least had a choice. Something must have inspired him to scrape her poor, wounded human body off the street, something similar to the feeling she had about him ever since they met. They were meant for each other, she knew it intuitively when he first touched her. She learned about more than his body the night they had been together, she had sensed his goodness, his intelligence, and his kind heart, but she let her hurt cloud her feeling of certainty. She had held on to anger rather than risk seeking out the man who she missed more than she would have ever missed her shrunken fang (which seemed to have made a complete recovery). “Time to start making up for lost time,” Erin whispered aloud as she peeled off her heavy coat, t-shirt, jeans, and finally her bra (she did not wear underwear, never had). As she made her way toward the sound of running water, Erin felt more than a little terrified. What would he think? Would he welcome her or tell her to scram? She thought he would be happy to take up where they had left off two years ago, Page 15

Fang Dysfunction

Anna Evans

but she could not be completely certain. Even if he was, what if slut number one and two had worn him out and he wasn’t interested in anything but a hot shower? Erin wanted him so badly it almost hurt. She suddenly felt like taking a cue from her mortal victims and satisfying herself before she even tried to slip in the shower. Otherwise, she would likely dissolve into a pitiful puddle of despair on the shower floor if he refused to press every swollen inch of that beautiful cock inside her body. “Don’t be a chicken shit,” she whispered to herself, practically running into the bathroom and throwing open the door before she had a chance to lose her nerve. “Hello,” she said seriously, as Derrick turned to give her a very surprised look, which turned into a very hot gaze as he saw she was as naked as he was. “Hello,” he returned. “I think maybe we should start over,” Erin said, feeling the aching in her pussy increase ten-fold as he let his eyes travel over her curves. “I think that maybe we just had a misunderstanding,” she continued as he continued his perusal. God, he had to know what he was doing to her. “And I think that would we maybe be good together and that we should see if—” “I think you should stop thinking,” Derrick interrupted, pulling her into the shower and pressing her against the warm glass wall. Suddenly his mouth was on hers, his tongue urging her to open for him fully as his hands swept up and down her body, seeming to linger everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Erin raked her fingernails down his back and took a firm hold on his delectable ass, pulling him even closer so she could feel the hot, hard length of him. Apparently, the sluts had not exhausted him—thank you, Zeus. “Erin, my sweet girl,” he moaned as she arched her hips toward him, hungrily rubbing her pussy up and down his length, her breath coming in tight little gasps as her whole body ached for him to bury himself inside her. “I’m not sweet,” she moaned. “Oh yes, you are,” he said, moving his hand to caress her inner thigh, getting oh-so-close to touching her exactly where she needed, but always stopping centimeters away from the wet, swollen folds that were screaming for something, anything and everything to slide inside. “Inside me. I want you inside me,” she demanded against his mouth before moving her arms to his neck and deepening their kiss, groaning as he gently nipped at her lip with his teeth and sucked the small droplet of blood away. Immediately, the need to taste him consumed her, the hunger growing so quickly that it soon rivaled the need to fuck him into next week. He moved away before she could manage to get in a nibble, dropping his head to her breasts where he pulled her nipple into his mouth, teasing the tip of her until Page 16

Fang Dysfunction

Anna Evans

she felt herself start to sag against the shower wall. How in the hell was she supposed to stand up when the need to cum was quickly becoming her whole world? Then his tongue moved to the other breast, his fingers picking up where he had left off with the first. He tortured her with both his hands and tongue then closed his lips around her and pulled her nipple deep inside his mouth before he bit down hard. She screamed over the sound of the water pounding on their bodies as his teeth pierced the sensitive skin and drank from her, each pull of his mouth sending painful waves of longing from her breast straight to her throbbing, wet, aching pussy. Erin felt the tension within her quadruple, making her gasp for breath, as she suddenly knew for certain that she would die if it did not stop. If he didn’t take her the rest of the way to release she wouldn’t survive, she’d disintegrate into thin air, prompted to spontaneously combust from the sheer overwhelming lust pounding through every cell in her body. “Bite me,” Derrick demanded as he took his mouth from her breasts, sliding his hands down and around the outside of her thighs and hitching her up around his waist, spreading her wide as his cock, his beautiful perfect sweet lovely cock, finally positioned itself at the entry to her pussy. “Fuck me,” Erin ordered back as she licked the water off his delicious neck and then sunk her teeth deep into him. At the same moment, he slammed his cock inside her so deep she could feel his balls slap against her, and wondered if it was possible to feel a dick poking the bottom of your right lung. Then she lost all ability to think as he proceeded to thrust hard, deep, and fast inside of her. She continued to draw on his neck, drinking in the intoxicating taste of him until the pleasure was more than she could take, even as a member of the undead. “Cum, darling, cum for me,” Derrick pleaded, shifting his hips so that he came into deeper contact with her clit, stopping his thrusts entirely for a moment to grind against her, his dick filling her completely as he rocked hard against the sensitive nub. Erin stopped breathing completely for an instant, the need to cum consuming her mind and body in the most exquisite pleasure-pain she had ever known until finally it happened. “Derrick!” she screamed as she came like she had never come before, her body shattering as waves of pure bliss poured out of her, radiating from her pussy to every last inch of her body. Suddenly she knew that she did not care if she had to wait two years, if he had just been frolicking with two sluts, or that he was sappy enough to call her darling, she was in love. She was in ‘thank God I’ve found him, I’m getting the fucking of

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Fang Dysfunction

Anna Evans

my life, and he’s the sweetest, greatest, fucking vampire mate in the whole wide world and he’s mine, all mine’ love. She smiled at the sweetness of it, clinging to him as he started thrusting in and out of her once more and her pussy continued to clench around his length until he suddenly stilled against her. A moan of pure satisfaction erupted from his throat as he emptied himself inside her and they were one person for a moment. They soared to some other world together for an instant. They realized that they belonged to each other then promptly passed out on the floor of the spacious shower stall. **** “I haven’t passed out since my first decade,” Derrick said as they lay in bed later, after having nearly drowned, laughed their asses off, toweled dry, and changed the sheets because Erin was having no part of some other woman’s girly juice. “I’ve never passed out, not even the first night,” Erin said, snuggling closer against him and trailing her hand up and down his perfectly hairy chest, not too bare, not too furry, just the way she liked it. “I was afraid to go too far, you’d been hurt so badly,” Derrick said as he pulled her closer in a protective way that made Erin feel decidedly mushy. So mushy in fact, that she wanted to ask him if he felt the connection between them that first night the way she had. If he had missed her the way she had missed him, and if he suspected that he might be a little bit in love with her as she was suspecting she might be a little bit in love with him. Instead, she leaned over, took his nipple in her mouth, and gave him a little love nip, purring as a drop of blood appeared and she lapped it up with her tongue. It was not time to get all touchy-feely. There would be time for that later, or not. Who cared if they said the words, as long as it stayed this good between them? “You’re going to drink me dry woman,” Derrick said with a laugh as he rolled on top of her and she giggled, actually giggled for the first time since she could remember. “I think you’ll survive,” she returned. “You looked like you’d had more than enough to drink from your little toys.” “Hmmm…toys. I would like to play with toys with you,” he said, his mouth descending to her own as she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled his amazingly resilient cock against her. “I don’t want you to have toys, unless they’re battery-operated,” she said as she tortured his mouth with her tongue and moved her hand down to tease the tip of his dick. “What about handcuffs?” he asked, already a little breathless. Page 18

Fang Dysfunction

Anna Evans

“You know what I mean,” she growled, closing her hand around him, stroking forcefully up and down. “Ah,” he groaned, “I know what you mean, little girl.” “Little girl? What happened to ‘darling’?” she asked with a not-so-innocent smile. “You’re right, you’re not sweet,” he said with a smile of his own as he pushed away her hand and quickly sheathed himself inside her. “You are a little hellion.” “Oh, darling,” she moaned with only slight sarcasm before beginning to meet his slow, sensual thrusts. “But a man does have to eat, you know,” he said as she flipped him onto his back and started to ride him with the same slow, teasing rhythm he had begun. “I know a great gay bar,” she breathed as his hands captured her breasts for a moment before sliding down to her hips, beginning to guide her more swiftly up and down his shaft. “You expect me to feed from men?” he asked. “I fed from a woman, it wasn’t so bad,” she countered. “Eating doesn’t have to be sexual.” “It doesn’t?” “Not if your dick’s already thoroughly worn out at home,” Erin said, leaning over to brace herself on his chest, increasing her speed until she was slamming her ass down on him, loving the feeling of frenzied pleasure building between them. “If anyone can do it,” he moaned before flipping her over once more onto her back and lifting her knees to either side of her body until the tip of his dick tapped against the most amazingly pleasurable spot deep inside her with every thrust. As they came for the second time, within seconds of each other, this time managing to retain consciousness, at least for the moment, Erin knew without a doubt that the man emptying himself inside of her was absolutely smitten. Any guy that would give up not only women but also sex pervert ménage tendencies that easily was in love, pure and simple. “You love me,” she whispered as he collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily, which was more than a little strange for a member of the undead. “Yes, you wretched woman,” he laughed. “Yes, I do. It took you long enough to figure it out.” “It took you long enough to quit being a stupid asshole,” she returned, wrapping her legs and arms around him and holding tight. “Evidently you like fucking assholes,” he teased. “But do you like being fucked in the asshole?” “Get your hand away from there!” Erin squealed, laughing and wriggling beneath him so that his soft, but still quite beautiful, dick slid slowly out of her body. Page 19

Fang Dysfunction

Anna Evans

“You are very prudish,” he teased. “Give me a little time, buddy, I’ll show you exactly what I’m made of,” Erin said. “Oh please, have mercy, I’m exhausted already,” he said with a smile. “Besides, you’ve used and abused my body, forced me to give up other women and confess my affection, and yet still you play with me.” “When were you made a vampire? You speak quite prettily,” Erin asked, mimicking the trace of a British accent she heard in his voice. “1864; don’t change the subject,” he returned, a purely serious look in his eye for the first time since their first heated words. “What was the subject, playing with you?” Erin asked, reaching over to take his dick in her hand, more than a little surprised when it twitched gently in her grasp. The man was a screwing machine. “The subject was playing with my heart, not my cock,” he said, reaching his own fingers over to delve gently in and out of her already wet opening. “Do you really need to hear the words?” she asked with a little roll of her eyes. “Yes, I’m pathetically needy,” he replied. “All right,” she said, looking deep into the eyes that she somehow knew she would be gazing into for a very long time to come. “I love you. You know I do, and I have a feeling I’ll keep loving you if you’re as good a boy as I think you are.” “Oh I’ll be good, my sweet, very, very good,” he said with a smile. As they headed into round number three, sweet praise be to all the gods in heaven, Erin knew that he was nothing if not a vamp of his word.

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About the Author

ANNA EVANS Anna Evans has been reading romances as long as she can remember (ever since she had to sneak them out from under her mother’s bed). Now she enjoys writing romances that celebrate sensuality and characters that are not afraid to laugh at themselves. She thinks life is sexier with a sense of humor and hopes you will too. Thanks for reading. You can contact Anna via her website: http://www.laughoutloudsexy.com

Watch for more exciting stories from Anna Evans coming soon! Our Authors love to hear from their readers! You can write to Anna here: Anna Evans c/o Chippewa Publishing, LLC. 678 Dutchman Drive, Suite 3 Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin 54729

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Dark Heart By S. K. Sebastian JUR: A Story of Pre-Dawn Earth By Thomas E. Johnson and James M. Reasoner Bloodlust: The War of the Fang By Jason Fackler Girls Gone Guardian By Debsy Gauthier The Shakespeare Murders Volume I: The Hamlet Murder By John Paulits The Hunted By Marianne LaCroix Nocturnique By Desiree Erotique Of Vampires and Elves II By Ella Scopilo Treasure Hunt By J.H. Bográn VAMPROTICA! 2005 Various Authors

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