Finding the Chords

Beautiful Music: Finding the Chords Faith Talbot All rights reserved. Copyright ©2011 Faith Talbot ISBN: 978-1-60521-635-5 Formats Available: HTML, Adobe PDF, EPub MobiPocket, Microsoft Reader Publisher: Changeling Press LLC PO Box 1046 Martinsburg, WV 25402-1046 www.ChangelingPress.com Editor: Maryam Salim Cover Artist: Marteeka Karland

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Beautiful Music: Finding the Chords Faith Talbot While Kayla and her men search for balance, Jason faces health issues that could destroy his voice. Finding the right balance is as important in life as it is in music. Kayla, Jason, and Erik have settled into Kayla’s suburban Chicago home. But just moving in together hasn’t solved all the problems of their complex threesome. While they work to iron out the wrinkles in their new status quo, Jason faces health issues that could sideline his career as a singer, while Kayla struggles to balance herself emotionally between her two very different lovers.

Chapter One Jason had never stayed in a hotel in Indianapolis. Having lived there most of his life, he‟d never had the need. Now it felt strange, lying stretched out on crisp hotel sheets only a few blocks from what had once been his and Erik‟s apartment. But they didn‟t live there anymore. He and Erik had made the move a few weeks ago to Chicago, leaving their ratty apartment to move in with Kayla Thorn. It wasn‟t Chicago proper -- she lived in a semi-suburban area considerably different from the downtown Indy area they‟d previously called home. It would take some getting used to, Jason knew, but then again everything about Kayla‟s role in his and Erik‟s life took getting used to. And it was worth it. There were two queen-sized beds in the hotel room, but Jason, Erik, and Kayla were on the bed closest to the window, luggage and a couple of guitar cases piled on the other. At the moment Kayla and Erik lay spooned together, Kayla‟s body curved into Erik‟s. They were both sound asleep still, while Jason lay staring out the window behind them, where morning had just started to turn the sky pinkish gray. He didn‟t know what time it was. The hotel room clock had been blinking twelve o‟clock since they‟d checked in, and none of them had bothered to reset it. His phone was just far enough out of reach that he would have to roll over to lay hands on it, and he didn‟t feel like moving at the moment. He just wanted to lie there listening to Kayla and Erik breathe, feeling their shared warmth as it seeped through the blankets to him. He could smell Erik‟s musky morning smell, the softer scent of Kayla‟s skin. He wanted to touch them both, but he held back, unwilling to disturb them. He and Erik had been together nearly as far back as he could remember, starting as children sharing the vagaries of the foster care system. From an early age, it had been apparent that they simply couldn‟t be separated -- when they were sent to separate

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placements, they‟d both become sick, weak, surly, unmanageable or any combination of the above. Eventually, the strange, seemingly symbiotic relationship they shared had led to their becoming lovers. For Erik, the relationship had been exclusive by necessity. He couldn‟t have sex with anyone but Jason. He‟d tried, and the attempt had nearly killed him. And without the intimate connection to Jason, he faded. Jason was almost certain Erik would die without him, but they hadn‟t tested that theory. Just thinking about it made his heart race and his hands go clammy. On the other hand, Jason could have sex with anyone he chose -- and had done so with impressive thoroughness even for a good-looking, healthy twenty-something man who fronted a moderately successful rock band. His sexual exploits created an energy of some kind -- mystical, metaphysical, electromagnetic, who the fuck knew -which he then shared with Erik by fucking him silly. It was strange and weirdly perverted in its way, but it was necessary. They‟d discovered the hard way that trying to function like normal people led to serious, potentially deadly consequences. All that had changed when they met Kayla. Somehow, she completed a circuit they hadn‟t known existed. With Jason, with Erik, with both of them, she made them a single unit. Made them whole. He let his gaze fall from the window to look at her, there where she lay in Erik‟s loose embrace. Her blonde hair was tousled, and he could see the red edge of a love bite peeking out past the neckline of her nightgown. He couldn‟t remember if his teeth or Erik‟s had made it. He assumed his own -- Erik wasn‟t nearly as fond of biting as Jason was. She was older than either of them. By how much, he didn‟t know, and he didn‟t care. He‟d find out eventually, he was sure, but all that really mattered was what she meant to him, and what her presence in their lives meant to Erik. He glanced out the window again, and when he looked back, Kayla was watching him. She smiled softly as his gaze met hers, and he smiled back and scooted a little closer.

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“Hi,” he said quietly. “Hi.” “Sleep well?” She nodded. Her hand moved to cover Erik‟s where it lay loosely against the curve of her belly. The movement seemed automatic, as if she simply sought his touch without thought. Jason moved closer to her, careful not to jostle the bed too much. He didn‟t want to disturb Erik, but he wanted very much to kiss Kayla. So he did, leaning forward until their lips just brushed, then leaning in a little more. Her mouth opened softly under his, her body shifting slightly toward him without disturbing Erik‟s arm across her stomach. “You taste good,” he murmured against her mouth. “No, I don‟t.” She laughed a little, the sound of it self-conscious. “You taste like morning.” “Not really a good thing.” He made a noncommittal hum in response and shifted his weight to one elbow so he could cup her breast with his free hand. The soft, warm weight of it fit his fingers perfectly. She made a soft sound in the back of her throat as her nipple grew erect, pressing against the middle of his palm. Her eyes had gone dark, eyelids lowering in obvious desire. The look on her face, that open, uninhibited lust, made him want her more than anything he‟d ever wanted in his life. Except maybe Erik. Which was as it should be. He would never get tired of this. Never. He bent closer to kiss her again. Nothing about this, Kayla thought, would ever get old. She couldn‟t imagine ever looking into Jason‟s blue eyes and not wanting him. His mouth moved over her body, taking in every inch of her skin as if he were trying to memorize her. The soft flow of heat had already begun, bringing with it that inexplicable flow of power that was more than lust, more than need, that poured over her skin and through it, that made her stronger and fuller and so filled with life that she shook with it.

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He felt it too, she knew, but it wasn‟t as new to him. He‟d lived with this all his life, with the way sex filled him up and made him alive. With the way he shared that with Erik. She‟d only been involved with them for a few months, and it all took some getting used to. This didn‟t, though. Jason‟s tongue traced over the curve of her lower belly, dipped into her navel. His mouth was hot on her skin, and she let out an involuntary mewling sound, forgetting that Erik lay sleeping behind her. He stirred slightly, but didn‟t awaken. That wouldn‟t last long, she was certain, not the way Jason was working her over. Especially if his mouth kept moving down… Which it did, relentlessly. She hoped Erik wouldn‟t be too grumpy when all the jostling eventually woke him up. Probably not, as long as either she or Jason got their mouth on his dick as quickly as possible. Jason didn‟t seem overly concerned with their mutual boyfriend‟s sleeping habits. He continued his inexorable journey down Kayla‟s body, finally tracing the crease of her groin with his tongue. His hands moved to gently open her thighs. As he took her with his mouth, all thought of Erik‟s comfort slid from her brain along with everything else coherent that had managed to lodge there. Almost as if sensing the loss of her concern, Erik made a grunting noise and moved restlessly behind her. More likely, though, he was sensing her foot, which had arched back and struck him in the thigh. Jason‟s tongue delved into her, pressing hard, then drew back to stroke along her labia, then to draw circles around her clit. The stimulation was so intense it almost hurt. Her hands clenched the sheets as the burning need washed through her, bringing with it the flood of energy and raw power. She was too involved in the escapades of Jason‟s magical mouth to notice when Erik left the bed, but she definitely noticed when he came back. He slid back into the bed behind her, bringing a waft of chilly air with him. Smoothly, he flipped the blankets back over both of them and curled against her, his chest against her back. Then he slid both arms around her, reaching down, palms sliding past her stomach. His long,

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musician‟s fingers moved through her wet heat and gently opened her to Jason‟s questing tongue. God. She jerked between them, her body convulsing with a deep, rolling climax she hadn‟t expected. Erik held her through it, fingers moving farther down until they were partially inside her, Jason‟s tongue still penetrating her at the same time. She rode it out, her body barely able to contain the sensations. Finally, when she had shivered her way back down from the peak, Jason lifted his head. She saw his blue eyes flicker up toward Erik‟s. “I want you to fuck her,” he said, his quiet voice vibrating against her lower belly. “I want you to fuck her while I‟m fucking you.” Oh, God. She mouthed it, but couldn‟t quite say it out loud. Then she felt Erik‟s nod against her shoulder. His fingers slid deeper inside her, curling up and pressing into her, the contact almost too much for her oversensitized flesh. He kept that hand where it was as he shifted, moving around to face her. Then, kneeling between her legs, he slipped his fingers free of her cunt and put them in his mouth. She just stared, her body still pulsing in miniscule aftershocks. The way he was looking at her, utterly absorbed, utterly sober, made her feel like she was being stalked by a panther or a wolf. His eyes had gone dark and greedy. Jason moved back away from her, letting Erik take his place. Erik kissed her gently, his mouth exploring hers. He was usually very deliberate in his lovemaking, as if he were learning the landscape, the technique, or just the unique taste of Kayla‟s skin. Considering his history, that likely wasn‟t far from the truth. Vaguely, Kayla noticed Jason had disappeared. To fetch lube, condoms, or both, or possibly just to pee. Who knew? With Erik‟s eyes devouring her, and his hands molding her breasts, she didn‟t care. He studied her face for what seemed a long time, then leaned in to kiss her thoroughly. He stroked his hands down her body, the calluses on his fingertips rough against her skin. As he moved, she settled her calves on his hips, pulling him a little closer.

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Then Jason was there again, reaching around Erik and between them. Kayla watched in fascinated lust as Jason unrolled a condom over Erik‟s thick, ready cock. She felt like she should help, but he seemed to be doing fine, and Erik‟s eyes darkened at the sight of Jason‟s fingers on him. Instead, she reached down and cupped his balls, hot and heavy in her palm. He twitched at her touch, his testicles drawing up and a soft sound coming from his mouth. As Jason‟s hand withdrew, she let her own move up, grasping Erik by the base and guiding him inside her. He sank in slowly, eyes closed now, savoring each inch of the slow glide. Kayla could see Jason over Erik‟s shoulder, his hands stroking across the width of Erik‟s back. His eyes met hers, and she smiled at him. He answered with a soft curve of his lips, then leaned down to kiss the back of Erik‟s neck. Erik seated himself deep into her, then withdrew and entered again in a languid stroke. Jason‟s attention shifted behind him, and Erik jerked a bit against Kayla. She could smell the familiar, vague scent of lube, then could hear the soft, wet sounds as Jason‟s fingers began to invade Erik‟s body. “Shit,” Erik muttered. He held still a moment, still rooted inside Kayla, but his body had gone taut. She stroked his hair, his face, his shoulders, willing him to relax. He did after a moment, his whole body letting go with a shudder and a low moan. Jason hummed approval. Erik‟s body began to move in small forward and back motions as Jason fucked him with his fingers. Kayla clenched tight onto him, building as much friction as she could, wanting to feel every movement as the three of them shifted together. Finally Jason said softly, “You ready?” Erik answered with a nod, his eyes held tightly shut. Kayla moved beneath him as he shifted position. Jason moved, as well, leaning forward over both of them. Kayla felt the forward movement as Jason slid into Erik. Erik moved deeper inside her, and she tightened on him. Then Jason took up a rhythm, slow but insistent, pressing Erik into Kayla with each thrust into Erik.

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The strange, inexplicable halos of power that surrounded them during sex became stronger. Kayla could swear she could almost see them, in rainbow colors around Erik‟s face, streaming down over his wide shoulders. Jason bent forward to bite the back of Erik‟s neck, then leaned back again, thrusting harder. Kayla tightened her legs around Erik to keep him from thrusting too deeply into her. Noticing the movement, Jason changed his angle, but kept up the hard, fast pace. Kayla let herself fall back on the bed, arms outstretched, her lower body clenched around Erik and around a deep, fiery swirl of desire, lust, and building satisfaction. It felt like light was pouring into her through her womb, running throughout her body. Erik suddenly let out a low, raw sound and thrust hard into her. She could feel his cock throbbing as he let go. A moment later, Jason reached around and clutched at Erik‟s chest as he, too, gave way to the demands of his body. And Kayla arched her back, a second orgasm rolling through her. They were all silent for a time, letting the power fade and the aftershocks ease. Finally Kayla lowered her legs, feeling a muscle starting to cramp in her thigh. “I adore you two, I really do, but shit, you‟re heavy,” she said. With a soft chuckle, Jason eased back; then Erik moved slowly to the side, as if it were a supreme effort even to lift an arm. Kayla felt similarly languid. “Good thing we did this early,” Erik muttered, his voice sounding as wrung out as he looked. “I won‟t be able to pick up a guitar for a few hours, at least.” Jason just laughed and pushed himself onto the bed between them, pressing his face against Kayla‟s breasts. “Go back to sleep, then,” he told Erik. “We‟ll have breakfast without you.”

Chapter Two Jason had been tired throughout the trip back to Indy, but hadn‟t thought much of it. He hadn‟t been sleeping well for at least a couple of weeks, spending too much of his energy worrying and brooding and trying to coax his muse into stringing a few words together. Preferably words that made sense and rhymed somewhere along the line. The sex this morning, and the energy that had come with it, had been great, and had made up for a good bit of his lack of sleep, but after breakfast Jason started to feel a tickle in the back of his throat. By the time soundcheck came around that evening, the sensation had morphed from a tickle to itchy and raw. He was definitely coming down with something. He brewed a cup of Throat Coat and drank it slowly, letting the slippery elm work its magic. “Gonna take it a little easy,” he told Erik as they set up the mics and got ready to test the vocal volumes. Erik gave him a narrow look. “You okay?” Jason shrugged. “Cold or something. Throat‟s a little scratchy.” Erik nodded and let it go. There was never any question of canceling the show. It was a sore throat, a stupid little cold. You didn‟t cancel shows for that shit, especially not a farewell show for the fans in a city that had supported you from day one. Jason felt guilty enough leaving Indianapolis -- he sure as fuck wasn‟t going to weasel out of the last show over a Goddamn cold. With soundcheck finished, he retreated to the dressing room and stretched out on the ratty couch, trying not to think about the layers of dirt, germs, and dried bodily fluids likely embedded in the cushions. Shit, no wonder he was getting sick. The back of

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his throat felt a little swollen now, but not too bad. He could get through the show. He‟d just close his eyes for a couple of minutes. Someone shook him awake. He blinked blearily, his eyes gummy, vision a little blurry. “Hey, baby. You‟re going on in a half hour.” It was Kayla. She was looking down at him in concern, a line furrowed between her blonde brows. “You okay?” “I‟m fine,” he said automatically, pushing himself up to a sitting position on the couch. He‟d slept nearly forty-five minutes, and the too-deep rest hung heavy on him, making him feel slow and stupid. “Erik said you‟re getting a cold.” Jason blinked at her. So this was what happened when he napped accidentally. Erik talked to Kayla. It figured. Little rat. “It‟s not a big deal.” “Are you sure?” He could tell she was working hard to hold back her protective instinct. He shrugged. “I‟ve had colds before. You go on, you do the best you can, and you deal. Part of the job.” To his relief, she nodded. “Can I do anything to help?” He started to say no, then realized it might actually be handy to have her provide some assistance. It would take some of the load off of Brent, their tour manager and allaround gopher, too. Jason knew full well he was a bastard when he didn‟t feel well. With Kayla around, he could share the wealth, so to speak, instead of bitching the shit out of Brent. “You could keep me supplied with tea and water,” he suggested, a little hesitantly. He wasn‟t sure Kayla would appreciate being relegated to the role of coffee girl. But she nodded decisively. “Throat Coat?” she asked, and he nodded. “That‟s the stuff.”

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“All right, then.” She kissed him firmly before he could stop her. Sharing germs was all part of the deal, though, he supposed. “We‟ll keep you sorted.”

*** She did keep him sorted. Every time he polished off a cup of tea or a bottle of water, there was a fresh one right there when he reached for it again. The Throat Coat kept the burning, scratching sensation at bay, and the water kept him on his feet, although he had to impose upon Erik and Randy to jam for a few minutes in the middle of the set so he could run to the bathroom. It wasn‟t until he took that detour offstage that he realized he was dizzy and achy. Great, he thought. Fever. With his luck, this was more than just a cold -- it was the fucking flu or something. He zipped up, washed his hands, splashed cold water on his face, and headed back to the mic. The crowd seemed not to notice anything amiss, which was gratifying, because the band was all working overtime to be sure nothing looked amiss. This was their last show in Indy for a long time, and the crowd was invested enough not to notice when Jason‟s voice cracked a few times on the last couple of songs, or when he dropped the chorus of “War and Roses” down an octave. He came off stage to a chorus of fans offering thanks and congratulations. He shook hands, posed for pictures, and passed out hugs and autographs, hoping he wasn‟t spreading some kind of Stephen King-level apocalyptic flu to everybody within four feet of him. Finally, with Erik and Randy running interference, he made his way backstage. He just wanted to collapse on that God-awful germ-ridden couch for a few minutes, get his breath back, and settle his head, which had started pounding during the second encore. And maybe grab more tea. He wondered if it was possible to overdose on slippery elm. He was mulling the embarrassing music blog headlines that would result if he died of a horrible Throat Coat accident as he half-stumbled through the door. As a result, it took him a moment to realize he was not alone in the room.

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There was a girl on the couch. She looked vaguely familiar. She‟d probably been to his shows before. Hell, he‟d probably fucked her -- he‟d fucked a lot of girls backstage after the show. That was definitely what she was after. She‟d taken the initiative of removing her top, and her pert, smallish breasts jiggled as she tossed back her too-blonde hair. Her nipples were small and pink and, in his fever-dazed state, seemed to be staring at him. He stared right back, his brain struggling to parse what was going on. She wanted to get laid. That much was obvious. From the pressure in his groin, all his parts were working and ready to go in spite of the chills crawling over his skin, the throbbing headache behind his eyes, and the intermittent vertigo. Besides, he had to, didn‟t he? Had to take what he could from the groupies after the show, before the show -- whenever -- so he could give what he got back to Erik, to keep him alive and well. They‟d done that for years. But now… there was a reason he shouldn‟t. Wasn‟t there? He could… but he shouldn‟t. For a strange second he felt like he was floating above the floor. God, how high a fever did he have? “Jason?” the woman said, stroking a hand over the curve of one breast. She stood slowly and stepped toward him. “You remember me, don‟t you?” “Not… not really.” It was always embarrassing to have to admit that. God, he was such an asshole. Had been. He wasn‟t now. Was trying very hard not to be, anyway. He was -The girl kissed him. Hard and full, her tongue pressing into his too-hot mouth, her naked breasts almost cool against his fevered skin. Flu, he thought hazily. Everybody’s gonna get the flu. It’s gonna be like The Stand. Dude, I hated that book. Too fucking creepy. And long… She drew back, looking into his face with wide, adoring blue eyes. “Kayla,” Jason said, remembering then what the heat in his fevered brain had forced back. The girl‟s face fell. Jason thought she might be about to cry.

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“That‟s not my name.” “No,” said a voice behind them. “That would be me.” And Jason knew at that moment that he was well and truly screwed.

*** Kayla said nothing to him as they broke down, loaded up, and headed back to the hotel. Even Erik did little more than grunt. Randy gave Jason a conciliatory slap on the shoulder; Brent handed him a bottle of water and shook his head sadly. It wasn‟t until they had returned to the hotel and Jason had collapsed into a chair -- he was still too sweaty to inflict himself on the bed -- that Kayla spoke. She looked at him squarely and, in a dead level voice, said, “Do you want to tell me what that was about?” Jason closed his eyes and swallowed. The back of his throat felt like someone had scoured it with steel wool. “She ambushed me.” Erik pulled a plastic laundry bag out of the closet, then stripped off his sweatdrenched shirt and stuffed it in. He said nothing. “You let her,” Kayla said. She didn‟t sound angry. She sounded perfectly, completely calm. Jason was certain it was exactly the tone she would use before murdering someone. Namely him. “I feel like shit,” he said. Helpfully, his voice rasped and cracked on the last word. “My reflexes aren‟t exactly up to par.” “That is like the worst excuse I‟ve ever heard for… anything,” Kayla stated flatly. Jason looked at Erik, hoping for some kind of moral support, if nothing else. Erik just looked back at him, expressionless. Jason shrugged. Very bad choice, if the slight shift in Kayla‟s expression was anything to go by. “I wasn‟t going to fuck her.” “You were just going to let her rub her tits on you for a while?” Erik still said nothing. Jason kind of wanted to hit him in the face. “I really, really don‟t feel well, Kayla. I just… I was on autopilot.” Kayla‟s eyes narrowed minutely. “Because you‟re so used to just coming right offstage and coming right in some groupie?”

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Jason was getting angry now. He was sick, for God‟s sake -- surely that counted for something. It wasn‟t like he‟d actually put his dick somewhere it didn‟t belong. “Yeah, that was pretty much the standard operating procedure. And it‟s not like you don‟t know why it was that way, either.” Erik was no longer looking at them. He seemed to have found something very interesting to look at in the patterned wallpaper. Jason wished he‟d just go take his fucking shower. Kayla was silent a moment; then she crossed her arms over her chest. It was less a gesture of defiance than a drawing in, as if she were hiding herself from him. “Do you really miss it that much?” He shrugged. “I don‟t know. Maybe.” She blinked. Shit. She was going to cry, wasn‟t she? “Do you have to be so fucking honest?” Again, his first, automatic response was anger. “Yeah, maybe I miss it. But, dammit, do you really think I‟m going to fuck this up over some groupie? Seriously? Yeah, she thought she was going to get laid. She was wrong. That‟s not who I am anymore. It‟s not who I want to be.” He paused, feeling his voice dying in the back of his throat. In a last, desperate effort, he croaked out, “Does it really even mean anything if I can‟t make that choice?” Finally, Erik said something, his voice quiet. “I never had a choice.” Kayla turned to look at him, as if unaware he‟d been standing behind her throughout the conversation. Jason met his gaze, his anger strangling under a flood of guilt, shame, embarrassment. Erik took a slow step back. “I‟ll just go take my shower.” It was too much. Jason wanted to lash out, to scream at them both, but he held it back. Even as bad as he felt, he was able to recognize that most of his anger was because he felt so bad. He‟d slipped up, sure, but it had hardly been a fatal mistake. He opened his mouth to say more or less that, but all that came out was a wet, sticky bout of coughing.

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“You sound terrible,” Kayla informed him archly, as if he couldn‟t figure that out himself. He rolled his eyes at her, unable to form a response with his chest seizing up. He bent his elbow, coughing into the cotton of his Henley. Finally, the spasm passed. He paused a moment to draw a slow breath, relieved he could take in oxygen without starting another round of uncontrollable hacking. And then stared at the spots of blood on his shirt. “Shit,” said Erik, who still hadn‟t made it to the shower, what the fuck. “There is no way that can be good.”

Chapter Three Jason nearly choked when the nurse swabbed his throat. She gave him a narrow look, as if his oversensitive gag reflex were some kind of character flaw. He considered telling her he could deep-throat his boyfriend just fine, thank you very much -- it was the whole cotton swab thing that threw him off. He didn‟t think she‟d be impressed, though. He‟d narrowly escaped being taken to the emergency room or, at the very least, an urgent care clinic. But he‟d croaked to Kayla that maybe she could just call his usual Indianapolis doctor and get a recommendation before they started running all over Indy in the middle of the night. Dr. Winston had been concerned about the blood until Erik had clarified that Jason had been singing his ass off at a rock show for nearly two hours with a sore throat. Familiar with Jason‟s medical history, she told him to just stay hydrated, get some sleep, and see her in the morning. The recommendation had been gratifying, as had been the hot shower he‟d finally managed to secure. He‟d collapsed in the hotel bed and slept straight through until Kayla jostled him awake so she could put him in a cab. That had been another condition -- he didn‟t want them going with him where he knew they‟d hover and make him that much crankier. Erik had backed him on that one when Kayla tried to go all mothery. “Trust me,” Erik had said, a smile lurking on his mouth. “You‟ll be happier about it in the long run.” Jason felt better this morning, the fever not gone but not as high as it had been. It probably wasn‟t a big deal, he thought. They‟d tell him to drink copious fluids, sleep a lot, and see a doctor back home in Chicago when they got back if he wasn‟t feeling better in a couple of days.

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His throat was still painfully raw, though. It hurt so much to swallow he was starting to wish he didn‟t have to. That couldn‟t be a good sign. He fished a honey-flavored cough drop out of his jacket pocket, hoping to take the edge off the sore throat. Kayla, according to Erik, had gone out last night after the show -- after midnight, it had to have been -- scouring downtown Indy to find cough drops. He sighed. She was so much more than he deserved, especially after what he‟d done yesterday. Feeling sullen again, he hunched over himself on the examining table and sucked his cough drop. He was just thinking about unwrapping another one when the door swung open. “Jason Prescott. I didn‟t think I was going to get to see you again.” Jason smiled wryly. “You should be so lucky.” Dr. Marcia Winston had been Jason and Erik‟s go-to physician for the past several years. She was a large, pillowy black woman, almost overwhelmingly pretty. Jason had often wondered what it would be like to rest his head on her ample bosom and just cry. Probably a lot like having a mother. He‟d never had one, so he wasn‟t sure. “You sound like shit,” she said. When it wasn‟t modulated, her voice boomed like a timpani. She had eased the volume back considerably, though, the mellow tones soothing. “Feel like shit, too,” he admitted. “How‟d you even get through the show?” “Throat Coat.” “Hmmm… You should be a little careful with that, you know.” His visions of a horrible slippery elm-related accident passed back through his brain. “„Cause of the slippery elm?” He obediently opened his mouth when she tapped him on the chin. “Nope.” She eased the scope into his mouth, taking a moment to look him in the eye before she focused on the scope. “The licorice. Too much of it can affect your blood

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pressure, your heart…” She bent a little to look straight through the scope. “Just something to keep in mind.” He responded as best he could, which proved to be a sort of strangled sound. She frowned at him and made a shushing noise. “Well,” she said finally, after perusing the back of his throat for a moment, “that strep test is going to come back positive, I‟ll tell you that right now.” She took the scope out of his mouth and patted his cheek. “You have any shows coming up?” “Not just yet. We‟re still settling in up in Chicago.” “Good. ‟Cause I think you know what I‟m gonna say next.” Jason closed his eyes, a shaft of pure terror going through his chest. “No. Don‟t do this to me, Dr. Winston.” “You know it‟s for your own good.” Before he could protest further, the nurse stuck her head back in and handed the doctor a folder. Dr. Winston opened it and looked over the contents. “Yep. Positive.” She snapped the folder back shut. “I‟ll get you enough antibiotics to kick this thing in the ass, and some codeine cough syrup in case you need it to sleep. And I‟ll also give you a referral to a voice doctor and a vocal therapist in Chicago who‟ll accept your lack of insurance.” Jason nodded glumly. “How long?” “Ten days on the antibiotics. I‟m prescribing vocal rest for the duration of the treatment.” “Ten days?” His voice squeaked, and he broke into another fit of coughing. “No talking until you finish your pills. Makes it easy to remember.” Jason rubbed his forehead with one hand. He still felt sweaty and clammy. “Ten fucking days?” Dr. Winston gave him a hard look. “You want to sing, honey? This is part of the deal. You protect your voice. And I would highly recommend that you set up some regular appointments with the folks I‟m going to refer you to so you can go right on singing like an angel for your fans.”

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He didn‟t bother arguing. She was right. He was a singer; without his voice, he was fucked. Instead he nodded sullenly, saying nothing. As good a start as any on the upcoming regimen. The doctor patted his head. “And I‟d also recommend a haircut.” She smiled gently. “I‟ll get you those meds. I should have enough samples on hand to cover you. If you or Erik have any questions, just call me.”

*** Kayla hadn‟t slept well. After hunting up cough drops for Jason in the middle of the night, she‟d tried to grab some rest. She and Erik had come to a silent agreement, taking the second bed so Jason could sleep comfortably on his own. But she woke every time he moved, every time he went too long without moving. Her brain kept replaying everything -- the blood he‟d coughed onto his shirt, the flushed, fevered look of his face… and of course the sleek, half-naked woman pressed against his chest. Young. Pretty. With high, pert breasts and nary a gray hair on her head. It was stupid. She knew this. But the relationship, as profound as it was, was still new. And Erik -- he‟d been hurt. It had never crossed her mind that Jason could hurt Erik. God, it was all so complicated. And yet, when it came down to it, so simple. When he finally woke up, she made sure he had something to eat that wouldn‟t hurt his throat, and she kissed his cheek before he left for the doctor. None of them said much. Erik was still bleary-eyed, and Jason was obviously uncomfortable both physically and in the way he wouldn‟t quite meet her eyes. Kayla just didn‟t know what to say. And now all she could do was wait. She and Erik had been waiting for a while. Randy had invaded their hotel room after spending the night with his parents. He, too, was worried. At the moment, he was sprawled across a hotel chair cradling a latte while Erik and Kayla engaged in a somewhat listless game of travel Scrabble. “If he gives me his stupid strep, I‟m gonna kick his stupid ass,” Randy muttered.

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Erik gave him a sidelong look. “Why? You don‟t sing.” “‟Cause I don‟t want his stupid strep?” Erik shook his head a little. Kayla could tell he was more amused than annoyed. “Just be glad he never gave you his stupid syphilis.” “I do not want to know anything about that,” Randy shot back. Erik just chuckled and laid tiles down on the board. He had spelled “gonad.” “Nice,” said Kayla, deciding she didn‟t want to hear about the stupid syphilis, either. She frowned at her tiles. That was Scrabble for you. Never a vowel when you needed one. She was puzzling out what she might be able to spell with her plethora of consonants when Erik‟s phone buzzed with a text message. She tensed immediately, but kept her attention focused carefully on the game while he fished the phone out of his pocket and read the message. “He‟s on his way back,” Erik said, thumb-typing a reply. “Did he say if he was okay?” Randy asked. “Strep,” said Erik shortly, then looked at Kayla. “Make a word, babe.” They played halfheartedly until, finally, the hotel room door opened and Jason entered. “Well?” said Erik, before Kayla could gather herself to speak. Jason took a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Erik. Erik looked at it, then back up at Jason. “Shit.” Kayla‟s heart lurched, her attention leaping to Jason. “What? What is it?” Jason made a halfhearted wave toward Erik. Erik handed Kayla the slip of paper. “Vocal rest. Ten days.” The paper did, indeed, say “VOCAL REST,” in block capitals Kayla recognized as Jason‟s. They had been written over several times, leaving ridges in the paper, then underlined in a violent scribble. Below it, in less vehement lettering, the note said, “Ten days. Antibiotics. Cough syrup w/codeine. Strep throat. Sleep, fluids, etc. bullshit.” Kayla looked at Jason again. “You can‟t talk at all?”

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“No talking,” Erik said, his tone admonishing Jason more than informing Kayla. “That means no talking, no singing, no muttering, no sotto voce cursing, no mumbling, not even mouthing the words.” He sounded like he‟d been through this before. Turning to Kayla, he added, “Prepare for the worst ten days of your life. He is a ginormous asshole when he can‟t talk.” Jason opened his mouth, a furious expression on his face, but Erik lifted a warning finger. Jason‟s mouth clicked closed, and he pulled out his phone instead, thumb typing with sharp, stabbing motions. Erik‟s phone buzzed. He looked at the message, gave a small smile and said, “Fuck you, too. Go to bed. We‟ll pack up.” Randy pushed himself up from his chair. “So we get to spend four hours in the van with a dude who has strep throat? Fun!” “Nobody said you‟re obligated to ride with us,” Kayla snapped, then put a hand over her mouth, realizing how nasty she‟d sounded. She had no right to snap at Randy. He didn‟t deserve it. He was just an innocent bystander. “I‟m sorry.” Randy shrugged. “It‟s okay. I get it. You‟re worried. But he‟ll be okay.” To Kayla‟s surprise, he crossed the short distance between them and hugged her, a little awkwardly. “Seriously. He‟ll be fine.” He smiled, then gave Jason a distasteful look. “Keep your fucking strep to yourself, dude.” Erik was shaking his head in amused exasperation. “Go pack, Randy. We‟ll meet up in about an hour. I‟ll let Brent know what‟s going on.” Jason started to type something into his phone again, then sighed and let himself fall back onto the bed. “Good plan,” said Erik, and pulled out the suitcases.

*** Jason dutifully took his antibiotics and his cough syrup and slept throughout the four-hour drive home, curled up on the backmost bench seat of the van. Randy sat shotgun while Erik drove, and Kayla sat just behind the driver‟s seat, wanting to keep an eye on Jason but unwilling to disturb him. He was snoring softly -- she wondered if

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that was a violation of his vocal rest -- and drooling on a ratty-looking pillow he‟d dug out from under a seat. “This van isn‟t very hygienic,” she commented when they took a halfway-point break at a rest stop. She‟d been holding the comment back for two hours, certain it was inappropriate. On the ride out for the show, the bachelor-pad look of the van had seemed a little endearing. Now she wanted to wash the entire vehicle out with boiling water and ammonia. “We‟ve been riding in this damn van so long, I‟m sure we‟re all immune to its germs,” said Randy. He grabbed a handful of old Cheetos bags from the dashboard as he got out. “Which, admittedly, are multitude.” Kayla insisted on not leaving Jason alone in the van, so she waited while the other two men attended to their business before going to take care of her own. She bought a Diet Coke from a vending machine, as well as a bottle of water and a bottled iced tea in case Jason woke up. But when she got back he was still dead asleep, still drooling, apparently not having moved an inch in the interim. “Do you think he‟s okay?” she asked Erik. Erik popped the tab on the Mountain Dew he‟d grabbed and peered back at his boyfriend. “He‟s used to sleeping in the van. He‟s probably sleeping better than he did in the hotel. Plus -- codeine cough syrup. I bet he‟s happy.” Kayla made a face. Still concerned, she couldn‟t stifle the urge to touch him. So she did, gently laying the back of her hand against his forehead. He felt cooler. Encouraged, she buckled up and sipped her Coke while Erik eased out of the parking spot and back onto the highway. To her own surprise, she drifted off during the last leg of the drive, only awakening when the van slowed at a stoplight. Bleary, she rubbed at her eyes. They were nearly home. Kayla‟s house had already been equipped with a convenient circle drive when they‟d moved in, perfect for pulling the van and the trailer through. They‟d established a post-show routine of unhooking the trailer and putting it in the locked garage to

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protect the equipment, but Kayla was a bit more concerned about Jason at the moment. While Erik and Randy attended to the trailer, she clambered into the van‟s backseat. “Jason?” Gently, she touched his cheek. “Baby? We‟re home.” He blinked a little, then finally stirred and looked up at her. He started to open his mouth, but she laid a finger against his lips. “No talking, remember?” He swallowed, grimacing, and nodded. “Let‟s get you inside and back to bed,” she said.

*** She knew he was still not feeling well when he turned down an offered sandwich, then didn‟t fight her when she suggested he sleep in the guest room. She‟d been afraid he‟d take it as an attempt to keep his germs away from everyone else, but she was really just concerned about his being able to rest undisturbed. He also didn‟t fight her when she helped him get undressed and into bed, which wasn‟t like Jason at all. She tucked him in, kissed him on the forehead, and left him alone in the dark. She was fairly certain he‟d been asleep before she‟d finished arranging the blankets around him. “How is he?” Erik asked when Kayla emerged. “I think he‟s better. His fever‟s down. The sleep will help.” “He needs to get more fluids,” Randy muttered. “I know,” Kayla answered. “I think sleep‟s more important right now.” They were silent a moment. A shimmer of tension lay among them, and Kayla realized the men were both more worried than they were willing to show. After all, this was their vocalist, and he was currently unable to use his voice. Of course, the first concern was that he get better, but the possible long-term implications hadn‟t escaped her. “Well,” Randy finally said, “time for me to get home. I‟ll check in with you guys later, see how he‟s doing.” He granted Kayla another quick hug, granted a less awkward bro hug to Erik, then departed for his apartment a few blocks away. “So,” said Kayla.

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“So,” said Erik. “You tired?” “Exhausted.” “Me too. Let‟s go to bed.”

*** Jason woke sheened in sweat. He had shoved the blankets back sometime while he‟d been sleeping, and the T-shirt he was wearing was stuck to his chest. He felt considerably better. The sweat meant his fever had broken, and he could feel the difference. Much of the lightheadedness was gone, and his skin didn‟t feel like it was trying to crawl off his body. His throat still hurt, though, and now it felt dry and raspy as well as raw. And he was hungry. So the sleep and the antibiotics were doing their job, but he still had a ways to go. Ten days. He‟d done vocal rest before, but the longest he‟d ever done was three days during a break on tour when he‟d started feeling the strain. He‟d seen a vocal coach for a while after that tour, and the next time they‟d gone out he‟d had less trouble. He always worried, though, any time anything weird happened with his voice. Sure, this was strep throat, and it would go away, but the fear always lurked in the back of his mind that after the immediate illness was dealt with, they‟d find something else, like nodes or something that could kill his career. And of course there was always the worry of the expense. Even general practitioners didn‟t come cheap, and specialists were that much more expensive. Randy, at twenty-four, had made an arrangement with his parents to stay on their policy, but Jason and Erik didn‟t have that option. They‟d muddled by as best they could, but constantly hovered in that place where a fall from the stage, a wrecked van, or an extensive problem with Jason‟s voice could bankrupt them. He swallowed, the pain burning down the back of his throat. Strep throat sucked ass. After a few minutes, he rolled out of bed and made his way to Kayla‟s guest bathroom, right next to the bedroom. The house was quiet. Erik and Kayla were probably getting some sleep, too. It had been a long couple of days.

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He used the toilet and drank a glass of water, then refilled the glass and took it with him back to the bedroom, absently scratching the stubble collecting on his face. He wanted something to eat, but he didn‟t feel up to making his way to the kitchen. Nor did he want to wake anyone up to fetch and carry for him. In fact, after some consideration, he decided he really just wanted to go back to sleep. Maybe things would look better the next time he woke up.

Chapter Four Kayla slept for a few hours, then woke, certain she‟d heard something. Erik was dead asleep next to her, one arm hanging off his side of the bed. He made a few distressing noises, then settled back into a low, rumbly breathing pattern. That wasn‟t what she‟d heard, though, she was certain. Thinking it might have been Jason, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and tiptoed out into the hallway. The door was open to the guest bathroom, the light on inside it. This much closer to the source of the noise, she could hear water running. He was in the bathroom, standing in front of the sink, drinking water out of the glass she kept there but rarely used. His phone lay on the counter -- not unusual, since Jason pretty much took his phone everywhere with him even when he could talk. He looked sidelong at her as she leaned against the doorframe. “Hi,” she said quietly. “Feeling better?” He shrugged, finishing his water, then refilled the glass. When he had the tap running, he made a hand-tilting “more or less” gesture with his free hand. “Can I get you anything?” He shook his head. Picking up his phone, he headed back toward the bedroom. She followed and helped him adjust the covers as he slid into the bed. His phone still in his hand, he looked at her expectantly as she perched on the edge of the bed. “Your fever‟s down,” she told him, laying the back of her hand against his forehead. She resisted the urge to lean forward and kiss it to test the temperature more accurately. The expression on Jason‟s face made her think he wasn‟t terribly happy even about the hand to forehead -- kissing him like he was five years old would probably piss him off but good.

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Sliding his phone open, he typed something, then turned the phone so she could read it. Throat still hurts. “You should rest, then. Can I get you some throat spray? Cough drops?” He shook his head. Just wnat to sleep. “Okay.” She hesitated. “When you‟re feeling better, we need to talk.” I know. Oh, she really shouldn‟t have gone there. The uncertainty and, yes, fear, twisted up in her stomach again. He stared at the phone, not quite looking at her. Stop talking, she told herself, but her mouth opened and she kept on saying things. “I don‟t know exactly what happened back there at the venue, and I believe you when you say you weren‟t going to go through with anything, but if this kind of thing is going to keep happening -- and it‟s unrealistic to think it won‟t -- we need to set up some ground rules --” She broke off. His expression had gone dark and thundery, and he was already stabbing his thumbs into the tiny keys on his phone before she finished. As she stopped, he turned the phone to her. It looked very much like his teeth were clenched. Srsly? U want to bring this up now? “I don‟t… I just…” I dont wantto talk just watnto sleep k? “Jason, I didn‟t --” Again, she stopped. This was pointless. And he was getting upset, if the increasing number of typos in his texts was any indication. So was she. Sure, she shouldn‟t have brought it up, but he didn‟t have to be rude about it. Not the time. Maybe u cld just leaveme the fukcalone He threw the phone across the bedroom, where it struck the wall and fell forlornly to the floor. With a harsh, almost dramatic flounce, Jason flopped over and dragged the blankets over his head. Kayla clenched her teeth against words she knew she shouldn‟t say and finally had the fortitude to hold back. Quietly, she slipped out of the room.

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Five minutes later, she slipped back in, set a bottle of sore throat spray and a bag of cough drops on the bedside table, and tiptoed back out again.

*** Kayla woke from the second half of her extended nap feeling sticky, disoriented, and a little queasy. Part of that was the result of sleeping too hard at an unaccustomed time of the day. The rest, she suspected, was the aftermath of the unpleasant encounter with Jason. Rolling over, she was momentarily startled to see Erik in bed next to her. He was awake, staring at the ceiling. “Hey,” Kayla said. His head jerked toward her as if he, too, were a bit off-kilter. Weird sleep patterns could do that. “Hey,” he answered. “You okay?” She frowned, wondering why she wouldn‟t be. “Yeah.” He studied her in that quiet way he had. Sometimes she felt like he could read her mind. Given the overall weirdness of their little threesome, she couldn‟t say it would surprise her. “You have nothing to worry about with us,” he said after a long moment. “We‟re not going anywhere.” She nodded. Maybe he really was reading her mind. “Jason might not appreciate your speaking for him.” She‟d meant it to be light, a bit of a joke, but it didn‟t sound that way. It sounded petulant. Erik regarded her soberly. “I can speak for Jason.” Then he smiled a little. “I mean, dude, he can‟t speak for himself for a week and a half. Somebody has to tell him what he‟s thinking.” He rolled to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. “I‟ll be right back. Gotta pee.” Kayla chuckled quietly. Erik had a way about him that always made her feel more settled. Jason had his way, too, but Jason was… well, he was Jason.

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She sat up, then padded after Erik into the bathroom. “You want to take a shower?” she asked him. “Sure. I‟m kind of… well, gross.” “Me, too.” She moved to the tub and turned on the water, giving it a chance to warm up. “I wonder how he‟s doing.” “Still sleeping, hopefully.” He stripped his shirt off. “I took a look at him about an hour ago.” “Oh, good.” The urge to run down the hall to check on him faded. “No need to bug him, then.” “Nope.” He dropped trou, grinned at her, and stepped naked into the shower. The hot water felt wonderful on Kayla‟s skin. The shower in the hotel room in Indianapolis had been adequate, but there was nothing quite like home. She wondered how Erik felt about it. They hadn‟t lived here quite long enough for it to feel like home to him and Jason yet, she thought. She still felt a bit guilty about the move, about uprooting them, even though she hadn‟t pushed it that hard. At least she hoped she hadn‟t. “You‟re still frowning,” Erik said, scooting close up behind her. His chest pressed against her shoulder blades, and he rolled his hips a little, rubbing his erection against the small of her back. “How can you tell?” Fingers dug into the tops of her shoulders, and only then did she realize that they were hunched up toward her ears, tense and anxious. “You frown with your whole body, babe.” She smiled a little, letting his ministrations work out some of the tension. “Still worried about Jason.” “We all are.” He kissed the back of her head, then grabbed a bar of soap from the shelf and began to slide it over her shoulders and back. “It‟s more than that, though, isn‟t it?”

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She eased forward a little into the water, letting it run over her face and hair. It was a good excuse not to answer him right away. He waited her out, and when she drew back out of the shower stream she said quietly, “Yeah.” “You want to talk?” “I don‟t know.” Soapy hands moved over her buttocks, then forward to her belly, up to cup her breasts. She took the soap out of his hands and reached back to slide it over his hard abdomen and the sharp lines of his hipbones. They were quiet for a time, just absorbing the landscape of each other‟s skin. Finally she turned to face him, her hands sliding down his back now, riding slickly on a layer of soapsuds. “How did you deal with it?” His eyebrows drew together minutely, and for a moment she thought she would have to explain. Then he said, “It was hard at first. I knew… I knew he had to. We tried so hard to find another way…” He stopped and closed his eyes briefly. Kayla‟s heart clenched. “I‟m sorry. Don‟t… don‟t tell me. I don‟t want to hurt you.” “It‟s okay.” He cupped her face. “Really. It just… it really was hard on both of us. Then we just settled into a pattern, sort of. After so long, I knew he would always come back.” “Because he had to.” “I don‟t think he had to. I think he really could have walked away if he‟d wanted to.” “But you would have died.” “I don‟t know. Maybe. I might have come through on the other side after a while. That‟s the thing. We didn‟t know. We just did what we could.” She sighed, letting herself ease forward until she lay against his chest, her hands folded together below his collarbone. His forehead pressed against hers; then he leaned back. “Water‟s getting cold.” “Yeah.”

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They stepped out of the shower, toweling each other off. The contact was sensual but hadn‟t crossed the line into sexual yet. Kayla wasn‟t quite ready. She still felt disconnected, out of place. Erik seemed content to wait, though his erection hadn‟t flagged since he‟d stripped off his clothes. “I feel…” She trailed off. “What?” “Selfish.” “Why?” “Just coming into your lives and changing everything. Dragging you to Chicago. Uprooting everything you had in Indy. It‟s not right.” He kissed her gently. “It‟s exactly right. You have no idea how right it is, and you should not feel selfish. I‟ve known Jason a long time, and he never does anything he doesn‟t want to do. Neither do I, for that matter.” “But --” “Kayla.” His fingers captured her chin, holding her face steady. “Don‟t. Nothing we have here is normal. You have absolutely no idea how important you are to us. To me.” She blinked, feeling tears collecting along her lashes. Nodding, she leaned into him again, letting him hold her and stroke her still-damp hair. “It‟s not easy,” he murmured. “It never has been. I don‟t expect it to ever be. But you‟re heart and soul to us now. You just have to remember that Jason can be kind of a dick.” A laugh burst from her, bright and unexpected. “Oh, Erik, I really do love you…” She trailed off, realizing what she‟d said. Had she said that to him before? How could she not have? Looking up, she saw the gentle smile on his face, the deep affection in his eyes, and realized she hadn‟t. He leaned forward to kiss her again, sweet and soft, then his lips brushed the end of her nose. “I love you, too.” His voice was quiet. “More than you can probably understand.”

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“I‟m sorry --” His finger against her lips stopped her. “Don‟t. Just don‟t. Please.” She nodded. “I have to throw everything I‟ve ever learned about relationships out the window, don‟t I?” “Yes. Preferably a window attached to a speeding car. We‟re all figuring this out together. If anybody should apologize, it‟s me for dragging you into this.” “You just wanted to help Jason. You love him.” He drew a long breath, then turned to steer them both out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. “Saying I love Jason is like saying I love oxygen, or that I love my internal organs. It‟s not sexy, I know, but it‟s the truth. He‟s just part of me.” He set her down on the bed and sat next to her. “Now…” He cupped her breast, his thumb pressing against her erect nipple. “Would you mind terribly if I fucked you silly? „Cause, seriously, the novelty hasn‟t worn off yet.” Laughing again, she kissed him hard. “I hope it never does.” He rolled her back against the mattress, her damp hair spreading out over the pillows. She loved the way he looked at her -- so eager, like it was his first time. He was so different from Jason in so many ways. Less moody, less jaded. She could see how they‟d balanced each other over their years together. They still did, leaning on each other when they needed that shift in focus. Erik kissed her, then let his mouth go walkabout down her body. She lay back and let him have his way. It was hard for her to get her head around the fact that he‟d never made love to another woman. She was his first and only, and always would be. It seemed like a lot to live up to. Erik wasn‟t complaining, though. He nibbled down her chest, then drew her breast into his mouth, rolling his tongue around her nipple. Arching her back, she closed her eyes and gave herself entirely over to him.

*** Every time Erik made love to Kayla on his own -- and he was well aware he was about to enter double digits, which thrilled and amazed him, but made him ashamed he

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was counting -- he faced the same dilemma. He wanted to make it last, make it good for her, and savor every moment in case it turned out to be the last time. But his body wanted everything he could get, as quickly as he could get it. Wanted to pound into her hard and fast, mark her as his, take Jason‟s smell off her skin. He wasn‟t proud of his body in those moments. This time, though, he felt a little different. She‟d actually said it -- told him she loved him. He‟d been resigned to always being second choice for her. He knew she loved Jason, and had since probably the first time they‟d locked eyes. He was just… extra. But maybe he wasn‟t. Maybe he was more to her than the guy she could have sex with when Jason wasn‟t around, or Jason‟s second dick when the three of them were together. Yeah, he‟d thought about it that way before, more than once. Now he felt bad about it. Not that he hadn‟t felt bad about it before, but he felt even worse now. She loved him. He swore he could almost taste the change on her skin as he let his tongue explore her nipples, the space between her breasts, the indentation at the center of her collarbone. She arched her body up toward his, bringing her belly against his, bringing her sex up to rub hot against the front curve of his pelvis. Her legs went around him, and he could feel the heat and the wetness where she was so ready for him he could smell it. “God,” he murmured, and she opened her eyes to look at him, one hand brushing his cheek. “What?” “Nothing.” He said it automatically, but it wasn‟t what he wanted to say. “No, not nothing. You‟re just…” He looked her in the eye. “I love you.” Her smile melted him. She leaned up to kiss him gently, on the mouth, then on the forehead. It could have been patronizing, but it wasn‟t. It was sweet, tender, and he closed his eyes at the flood of feeling that moved through him. “I‟m sorry it took me so long to say it.” Her voice was quiet.

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He just shook his head. He didn‟t want to tell her it was okay, although it was, and he didn‟t want to say anything that would make her feel bad. Instead he cupped her breast and pressed his hips between her legs, bringing her a little closer to him. He needed a condom. He should shift positions and get his head between her legs, he thought, so he could taste her and make her crazy while he fumbled through the nightstand. But before he could move, she reached across to the little drawer and pulled it open. “I want you in me,” she said. “I want you in me so far I can taste it.” And she ripped the condom wrapper open with her teeth. Shit. He hadn‟t thought his dick could get any harder, but it went from iron to steel in half a breath. Her hand slipped between them, nimble fingers sliding the condom over him. Her eyes never left his. Then he was inside her. He hadn‟t moved, but she had. He slipped in on a long, slow glide; she was so wet he didn‟t even have to push. She just moved forward and took him in. He closed his eyes a moment, feeling the heat, the tightness as she seized him with her body. He still hadn‟t gotten used to the sheer glory of it. Her hands stroked the back of his neck as he held still, just feeling it. Then, slowly, he began to thrust. She made a small noise and shifted under him, easing them closer together. Her breasts pressed soft against his chest, and he reached up to cup one in his hand. He kissed her neck, her face, feeling every slight shift of her body, hearing every small noise she made as he took her. Her hands slid down his back, tracing the line of his spine, then cupping his ass and pulling him closer to her, deeper inside. He let himself get lost in her, in the soft heat of her body, the sweet, strawberry smell of her hair. He could let go with her like he never quite could with Jason. Yes, he was comfortable with Jason, and made no apologies for their relationship, but this was different. Kayla gave him so much. There was no way he could ever express it to her, not in words, so he did the best he could with his mouth, his hands, his body. “Faster,” she murmured into his ear. “Fuck me, Erik.”

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Reluctantly, he gave in to the animal instinct lurking at the base of his spine. It wanted her hard and fast, wanted to dominate her. He let it pound her into the mattress. His teeth scraped the side of her neck as she arched under him, letting out those small, mewling cries he‟d become overly fond of. Addicted to, truth be told. He was addicted to her. All of her. He didn‟t want it to end, but his body was coiling into a mass of lust, moving to the inevitable conclusion. Reaching between them, he found the hot nub of her clit and eased a finger on either side. Her body jerked under him. Thrusting harder, he slid his fingers back and forth through her hot wetness until she let out a low growl. He could feel the ripples of orgasm moving through her, tightening and releasing on the length of his cock. Biting his lip, he managed to hold off until she had started to ease down from the peak, then let himself go. When he had regained some measure of control, he kissed her gently, then moved off her. She rolled toward him, keeping him close. When he started to reach for the condom, her hand intercepted his, peeling the condom off, then she leaned sideways to deposit it in the trashcan next to the bed. She rolled back up against him, folding her hands against his chest and cuddling close. He put his arms around her and kissed her hair. “It‟ll be okay,” he murmured. “Yeah,” she said, and then was still.

Chapter Five Randy woke to the sound of his phone vibrating on the bedside table. He blinked at the clock. It was two in the afternoon. He picked up the phone and peered at it to see who had texted him. He‟d fallen straight to sleep when he‟d left Kayla‟s house, slept six hours, woke up again, ate something, slept two hours, got up and jogged around the block, then went back to sleep. He was bleary and a little disoriented now, but he was fairly sure he‟d caught up on his rest. The problem, of course, would be getting back on something approaching a normal schedule. The text was from Liz, his ex-girlfriend. Call me, it said. Need to talk. He sighed. It wasn‟t so much that Liz tended to contact him with similar curt messages. It was more that it didn‟t bother him. He had no problem returning her calls or her texts or helping her out when she needed it. It made it a little hard for him to find closure in their relationship. He speed-dialed her number. When she answered, she said, by way of greeting, “Is everything okay?” “Um…” He scratched his scalp. He really needed a shower. “More or less. Why?” “I just had a feeling.” Her voice still thrummed with tension. She‟d done this before -- called him when something was off-kilter, asking if he was all right. “Jason has strep,” he told her. “He‟s on vocal rest. But we don‟t have any shows coming up, so he‟s got time to recoup.” “Oh.” Randy could almost hear her relaxing. “Okay. I‟m sorry, I --” “Don‟t be,” he broke in. “In fact… Can we get together? Lunch, maybe? Is it too late for lunch?”

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Her hesitation surprised him. Somehow it surprised him even more when she said, “Yeah, it‟s too late for lunch.” But before he could backpedal with an apology, she added, “I can just have dessert. Where do you want to meet?”

*** Randy ordered a sandwich combo with four sides and settled in to wait for Liz. She slid into the booth across from him about three minutes after the time they‟d set and regarded his plate. “Hungry?” “I‟ve been asleep for like twelve hours,” he said. “Yes. I‟m hungry.” “That‟s right. You played in Indy night before last.” “Yeah.” “How did it go?” “Crowd was great.” He paused to shovel coleslaw into his mouth. “But Jason‟s sick?” “Yeah.” The conversation trailed off for a moment. Liz ordered coffee and a chocolate brownie sundae. Randy ate. Strangely, he didn‟t feel uncomfortable. “Are you okay?” Liz finally said when Randy had devoured half his sandwich, his coleslaw, most of his fries, and was on his third refill of Dr Pepper. He chewed thoughtfully. “How did you know?” “Know what? That something was wrong?” She pushed the remains of her brownie around on her plate. Randy was trying not to look at it lustfully, but it looked ridiculously good, even half-eaten and partially squashed. “Well, that, and also…” He paused. Yeah, it was time to ask. He needed to know. “How did you know about Jason? Back… before. When Kayla left.” She said nothing for a moment, regarding him. Randy was certain her silence didn‟t mean she needed a reminder, but he gave her one anyway just to cut through the shimmering tension that had grown between them. “When Jason was sick. And you said he‟d be okay even if Kayla didn‟t come back, but that it would suck.”

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Liz sipped her coffee, buying time. When she set it down, she didn‟t meet his eyes. “Are you sure you‟re ready for the answer to that question?” “Yeah.” He was, because he was pretty sure he knew the answer already. “Yeah, I think I am.” Leaning forward, Liz folded her hands together on the table. She spoke quietly, as if afraid of being overheard. “I knew because I‟ve been through it with Tom. Tom and I are… like that. Tom and I, and --” “-- and me.” It seemed presumptuous to jump to the conclusion, but Randy knew, somehow, that it was true. Liz‟s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Yes. And you.” “So why… I mean do you… I mean… Jason had to fuck around a lot.” “Because he and Erik found each other first. It‟s different depending on who‟s together. If Jason or Erik had hooked up with Kayla first, it would have been more like me and Tom. Or if you and Tom --” Randy made a quick motion with his hand. He didn‟t want to go there. He really didn’t want to go there. “You two seem to be fine without me.” “The dynamic is more stable than it was with Jason and Erik. It‟s still not everything it could be.” Randy nodded. It was a lot to absorb, even though he‟d put many of the pieces together on his own already. He‟d even considered some of the ramifications, thought about what it might mean to his life, as he‟d watched his bandmates juggle to sort out the relationship they‟d found with Kayla. Closing his eyes, he rubbed his eyelids, then picked up the rest of his sandwich. “Randy…” Liz ducked her head, trying to catch his gaze. “If you don‟t want…” She stopped. “I don‟t know yet. I don‟t know what I want.” He took a bite, chewing to stall so maybe he wouldn‟t have to talk about it anymore. But when he‟d swallowed the chunk of sandwich, the words came out anyway. “I think I want what we had. Want that back. I think I don‟t care what else that… involves.”

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She looked at him soberly. “Take some time. Think about it. We‟re not in any hurry.” With a look of vague mischief, she stole one of his French fries. “If it helps, Tom really likes you.” Randy shook his head, amazed that he felt like he was on the verge of laughter. “I don‟t think that helps at all, but thanks.” Liz grinned. “You‟re welcome.”

*** Jason woke so hungry he thought he was going to vomit. He rolled out of the bed. His phone still lay on the floor where it had landed when he‟d thrown it. He picked it up and shoved it into his pocket. It would serve him right if he‟d broken it and destroyed his only really practical form of communication. After a quick bathroom stop, he fumbled his way to the kitchen. He felt like his fever might have come back, but he wasn‟t sure. There was no sign of Erik or Kayla. He was pretty sure they were still in the house -- he could hear or sense something that made him certain he wasn‟t alone. He didn‟t want to seek them out, though. They were probably… busy. Or sleeping. Or whatever. Truth to tell, he just wanted to be alone. He certainly didn‟t want to see Kayla right now. Not after the way he‟d talked to her. She had every right to know where she stood, especially given his misstep at the venue. He‟d been a dick to her, and being sick wasn‟t sufficient excuse. It would serve him right if he‟d destroyed that, too. The dizzy, weak feeling that made him think he was feverish subsided as he drank his milk and devoured a pile of toast and eggs. He had to be getting better, he thought, or he wouldn‟t be this ravenous. He slogged down his gigantic antibiotic tablet while he was at it, then counted the remaining pills. Two pills a day, sixteen pills left. Eight days until he could speak again. He had gone back to raid the refrigerator again when the song started to tickle the back of his head. Of course his muse would finally attack when he couldn‟t sing or

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even say the words to check the rhythms out loud. But he couldn‟t ignore it. That was never a good idea. Sighing, he grabbed a bottle of kefir -- Kayla seemed to be really into the stuff -checked the use-by date, and headed downstairs. Before they‟d moved in, the three of them had talked about converting Kayla‟s basement into a studio. It was already finished, with the obligatory wet bar and space for a pool table, but they‟d talked about soundproofing, putting in equipment, a board, a sound booth -- all the necessities to rehearse and record all in one room. So far they‟d managed to move their rehearsal instruments into the area, but hadn‟t gone much further. Jason grabbed his acoustic guitar from its stand and sank into the far too soft leather chair he‟d claimed as his own. It was so deep and cushiony he was never quite sure he‟d be able to get out of it again. His throat felt better, at least. Still scratchy and a little raw, but it no longer felt like he was choking down iron filings every time he swallowed. He was almost grateful for the residual pain -- it made him actually not want to talk. He tuned the guitar, mentally going over the words and the wisp of melody that had appeared in his head while he eased the strings into the right relationship with each other. Then he played a few chords, which led to a few more chords, and then he realized he needed a notebook and a pencil if he was going to hold this thing together. He clawed his way out of the chair again, found writing materials, then sank back into the leather and began to scribble and strum.

*** Erik watched while Kayla made omelets, then settled down at the kitchen table with coffee and her computer. They were quiet, both still a little high, for want of a better term, from the intensity of the sex. Erik couldn‟t do much more than look at her and smile. A noise from upstairs made Erik glance toward the stairs. He looked back at Kayla and found her sitting with her eyes wide, frozen as if caught in headlights. The look made his heart twist. He didn‟t know what had happened between Kayla and

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Jason while he‟d been sleeping, but he did know he was going to smack Jason in the back of the head as soon as he got the chance. “I‟ll go,” he said. She nodded. “Do you think I should come, too?” “You can. I mean… if you want to take a break while he‟s being a bitch, it‟s perfectly fine.” Kayla nodded again. “Let me make him some tea. You can take it.” It seemed like a reasonable compromise. Erik waited while Kayla heated up a mug of black tea in the microwave, then dosed it with honey. “Here. This should help some.” She seemed uncertain, as if afraid her offering might be rejected. Erik took the mug and kissed her forehead. “Thanks. If he‟s acting like a normal human being, I‟ll let you know.” Cradling the hot mug, Erik headed for the guest bedroom. Jason was gone, the bed mussed, with half the blankets spread across the floor. The room smelled like deep sleep and male musk. So where had he gone? Erik mused a moment, then headed past the bathroom -empty -- and finally to the stairs down to the basement. He could hear the guitar before he got halfway down the stairs. Jason was playing quietly, but Erik could hear the tension in the chords. It sounded like frustration. No wonder, Erik thought, if Jason had gotten bitten by a song bug when he couldn‟t sing. He made his footsteps a bit louder on the last few steps so Jason would hear him. Sure enough, Jason was buried in the big, cushiony chair he preferred, his practice acoustic cradled in his lap. The expression on his face, though, wasn‟t one of beatific creation, but rather the kind of look that could drill holes through anti-ballistic armor. He looked up as Erik came down and stopped playing with a cacophonous rattle of strings. “Hey,” said Erik. “Kayla made you some tea.”

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Jason nodded and shifted in the chair. He set the guitar aside, looking like he was fighting the urge to fling it across the room. He wasn‟t that stupid, though -- it wasn‟t a cheap guitar. There were pieces of paper on the floor all around him, some neatly ripped out and laid flat, others torn into pieces and still others wadded up into tight balls. Erik stepped forward to pass the tea into Jason‟s hand. Jason took a sip, then leaned back into the chair. Feeling a little awkward, Erik pulled over a chair of his own and took a seat. “Feeling any better?” Jason shrugged and rubbed at his throat. He frowned deeply, took another sip of tea, then finally dug his phone out of his pocket. Erik pulled his own phone out while Jason typed. I hate this bullshit, popped up on Erik‟s phone. “I know,” Erik answered. “Anything I can do to help?” Dunno. I feel like shit still. He scrubbed a hand through his hair, then set the guitar down next to the chair while he sipped more tea. “Kayla‟s worried.” Jason‟s eyes twisted shut, his mouth going tight. Tell her I’m sorry. I suck. A pause, then he added, I was a total dick to her. Fleetingly, Erik wondered if this was the right time to deliver that headsmacking, but he refrained, instead just assuring Jason, “I‟ll tell her.” He leaned forward and plucked a sheet of paper from Jason‟s lap, assuming that the sheets not spread over the floor were closer to what Jason was trying to do. “May I?” Jason nodded. Erik glanced over the scribbled lyrics. Jason had added chord notations and individual notes, though he hadn‟t gone so far as to put anything on a musical score. He didn‟t usually write much more than lyrics and chords on his first passes, but without being able to sing while he composed, the additional notation was probably helping him “hear” what he was writing. “This looks pretty good so far.” He reached for Jason‟s guitar. “Want me to play it?”

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Jason‟s face lit up. Obviously he hadn‟t thought of that. Gazing too far into his own navel, Erik thought, but didn‟t make the comment aloud. He picked the notes of the song, trying to match them to the chords and guess the duration of each tone based on Jason‟s chicken scratches. Erik could sing -- he sang backup in the band -- but he didn‟t have the range, the textured tones or the sheer energy that Jason offered. Still, he could work his way through this. Once he‟d worked out the basic shape of the melody, he started singing. After a few lines, he looked up to find Jason staring at the floor, a hand on his chin, frowning in thought. “Did that help?” Erik asked when he‟d finished the section Jason had written. Jason nodded and waved for Erik to pass the paper back. He scribbled a few more notes and sank back into the chair, then grabbed his phone again. It’s ok? Doesn’t tote suck? “It‟s good,” Erik assured him. “We‟ll add it to the lineup when you get better, see what we can thrash out.” Jason nodded again. He leaned back in the big chair and closed his eyes. “It‟ll be okay,” Erik said, not sure what else to say. It was disconcerting talking to Jason when Jason couldn‟t talk. Probably at least as disconcerting as it was for Jason. After a few seconds, Erik got up and moved to stand behind Jason‟s chair. He laid his hands on Jason‟s shoulders and began to rub. The last time Jason had had vocal problems, the vocal coach he‟d seen had suggested massage to help relax his shoulders, throat, and voice box. Jason had seen a vocal massage therapist, and she‟d taught both of them some massage work they could do at home. Erik did some of that now, easing the muscles in Jason‟s shoulders and the back of his neck. He didn‟t dare try to do anything too close to his throat or voice box for fear of hurting him. Jason‟s shoulders were painfully tight, though, and as Erik dug into the muscles, Jason leaned forward, settling his head in his hands and giving Erik better access.

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Erik massaged until his fingers were tired, then stroked the hair at the back of Jason‟s neck. “Better?” Jason nodded. He lifted a hand, reaching up to grasp Erik‟s elbow and pull him around to face him. He pulled Erik in, kissing him, but not on the mouth. His lips pressed against Erik‟s cheek, then back under his ear. Erik smiled a little. He didn‟t want strep throat, but it might have been worth the risk to get Jason‟s tongue in his mouth. Instead, he nuzzled Jason‟s face. Jason didn‟t feel feverish anymore, which was a relief. His face was bristly, and he smelled like he needed a shower, but Erik didn‟t care. He‟d been around Jason when he smelled a hell of a lot worse -- weeks on tour weren‟t conducive to reasonable hygiene. Jason‟s hand rose to comb through the hair at the back of Erik‟s neck, where it curled and fell down on his shoulders and a bit past. Erik pressed his nose into the groove behind Jason‟s ear. It occurred to him that he and Jason didn‟t really need to talk, not about this. He cupped his hands between Jason‟s legs, which spread at the contact. Jason was hard under his jeans, and Erik squeezed a little, feeling the bulk of him through the denim. Looking up, he found Jason looking back down at him, lids heavy over blue eyes gone gray with need. Sick or not, Jason wanted this. Erik smiled up at him and was answered with a matching smile, showing the edge of Jason‟s teeth. He was beautiful. It wasn‟t the first time Erik had thought that, and it had been a long time since it had seemed strange to him. Jason was beautiful. There was no arguing that point. Nothing about his face achieved classical perfection, but Erik could be happy just looking at it forever. Gaze still locked to Jason‟s, Erik unbuttoned him, then slid the zipper down. Jason lifted his hips, letting Erik slide his jeans down. The hard ridge of Jason‟s erection strained against his cotton boxer briefs. Erik leaned forward and mouthed it through the cotton, just breathing heat onto the solid length.

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Erik himself was aroused, but his body couldn‟t quite muster an erection after the session with Kayla. He was satisfied if not satiated. He let himself enjoy the feeling, knowing it didn‟t really need to be anything else. Not now. Jason‟s hand came forward, rested on Erik‟s head, then pushed hair back behind Erik‟s ear. His fingertips trailed along Erik‟s cheekbone, calluses rough against the skin. Erik eased the boxer briefs down and let Jason‟s dick spring forward into his mouth. Erik just let it lie against his tongue for a moment, then shifted his head to take it fully. Slowly, he let the head slide against the roof of his mouth, until it struck the back of his soft palate, then eased forward. It was torturously slow, even for him. Jason was probably getting pissed off at him right about now. He wasn‟t going to go hard and fast, though. Not now. Whether Jason knew it or not, he needed slow and easy, and that was what Erik was going to give him. He scooted a little closer, easing up between Jason‟s thighs, and used one hand to cup Jason‟s balls while holding himself steady with the other. Jason let out a slow breath, then drew it quickly back in. The silence was strange -- Jason was usually fairly vocal during sex, but of course now he couldn‟t be. Erik admired his control. Had it been the other way around, Erik wasn‟t sure he would have been able to stay quiet. But Jason only tensed and arched, his body expressing the responses that usually came through his voice. Erik found himself making low, involuntary noises in his throat, as if Jason were using his voice box since he couldn‟t strain his own. Shifting, Jason tried to thrust deeper and faster into Erik‟s mouth, but Erik held him back. He moved one hand to Jason‟s hip, holding him down. And then chuckled as he heard Jason‟s teeth clench. This was going to be fun.

*** Kayla waited for a few minutes, finishing her eggs and coffee and making a couple of pieces of toast to top it off. Finally she decided she wanted to see Jason

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regardless of whether he was acting like a normal human being. Not that she couldn‟t trust Erik to take care of him -- she just wanted to see for herself. She checked the guest bedroom first. She could tell before she was halfway down the hall that it was empty, but she poked her head in, anyway. The bed was empty, the room a mess. She picked up the blankets from the floor and straightened the bed, not quite making it, but adjusting things so it would be easier for Jason to sleep comfortably when he came back. The entire upstairs appeared to be deserted. She headed back down, assuming the basement would be a good guess. Jason had been spending more and more time down there since they‟d moved in, using it as a writing and rehearsal space. She heard noises a few steps from the bottom of the staircase. They were not music noises. She was fairly certain they were blowjob noises. Was Jason well enough for that? Then she shook her head. She couldn‟t imagine Jason saying no to a blowjob even if he was on his deathbed. Quieting her steps, she slipped down to the second-to-last riser and sat. She could see into the room from there. Jason or Erik could see her if they happened to look her direction, but from the look of things, neither was likely to pay her any attention even if she‟d been standing right next to them. Jason was on the chair Kayla had inherited from a roommate a good number of years ago. She wasn‟t sure where the roommate had gotten it, but it was old. Jason was somehow managing to be half in and half out of it while Erik knelt between his knees, sucking Jason‟s cock. They were so beautiful like this. She loved watching them. Jason‟s body bowed on the chair, responding to the movement of Erik‟s mouth on his cock. As she watched, Jason tried to quicken the pace, but Erik held his hips down and continued his slow, focused work. When the end came, it came in a slow, even pulse of Jason‟s pelvis. Erik made a noise in the back of his throat, and Kayla could see his hands tighten on Jason‟s hipbones. Erik held still, and Jason‟s hips stopped at the top of their arc while he

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shivered, teeth clenched. Erik just held him there, in his mouth, and Kayla saw his throat ripple as he swallowed. After a few long seconds, Jason relaxed, his hand moving to comb through Erik‟s hair. Erik let Jason‟s dick slide out of his mouth, then rested his cheek on Jason‟s thigh. “It‟ll be okay,” he said. “It‟ll be okay.” As quietly as she could, Kayla slipped back up the stairs.

Chapter Six Kayla pretended she had no idea what had been going on in her basement when Erik meandered into the kitchen forty-five minutes later. She was absorbed in work, anyway, ensconced in her favorite living room chair with her MacBook on her lap. “Working?” Erik asked her. He headed into the kitchen and spoke to her over the kitchen island while he fished a beer out of the fridge. “Yeah.” As much as she worried about the changes the move had wrought for Erik and Jason, she‟d made a number of adjustments, as well. She‟d gone from a fulltime job with a downtown ad agency to working as a consultant for several major clients in the area and a few in other areas of the country. It hadn‟t been easy, and she was still building the backbone of her client list, but she knew she would need the flexibility down the road, when the band went back on tour. Oddly, the two men hadn‟t seemed to make quite the same leaps of logic she had regarding the inevitable results of touring. Maybe because they‟d done so much of it that it was hard for them to visualize the touring routine as ever changing. Or maybe it was just because they were in their middle twenties and she was… older than that. The benefits of experience were many, and Kayla had a feeling she was simply looking a bit further ahead than her boys were. “Anything interesting?” Erik asked, popping the cap off his beer. “Good lead on a client in Detroit.” She paused, glancing at him over the top of her computer. “I also got some information I‟ll pass on to Brent about some tour venues and promotion.” Erik nodded. “We‟ll have to start thinking about that soon.” Neither of them wanted to add the “if” that referred to Jason‟s recovery. For now it was probably best to pretend it didn‟t exist, and that there was no doubt at all that

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things would be back to normal in time for a new album and a summer tour. There was no reason to think otherwise, not yet. “We will.” She paused again, and his brow compressed a bit. He came into the living room and flopped onto the couch. “You‟ve got your thinky face on.” “Yeah.” Setting the computer aside, she leaned forward. “Have you thought about logistics for the tour? I mean… I hate to say it, because I know you guys have a routine down, but I think things are going to have to change.” The look of surprise on his face confirmed her suspicion that he hadn‟t considered the issue. He took a slow drink of his beer, as if using the time to gather his thoughts. “What kinds of things?” “Well…” Kayla wasn‟t sure why she was so nervous about bringing this up. “The way I understand it, I don‟t think we‟ll all be able to stay… well, healthy, unless I go with you on the tour.” Erik sank back in the couch, frowning. “You‟re probably right.” Then, after a moment, he added, “Shit.” At her lifted eyebrow, he waved a conciliatory hand, looking a little panicked. “No, no, I don‟t mean we don‟t want you with us. I mean… I don‟t think you‟re going to want to live in a van. It‟ll fuck up your work too much, and --” He broke off. Kayla finished his sentence. “Neither Randy nor Brent wants to watch the three of us having sex in the back of the van, even if we can figure out how to do it on one of those stupid seats.” “We could pull out the backseats…” He trailed off, then shook his head. “No, we need to do something else.” Kayla couldn‟t help laughing at the idea that just pulling out the backseats in the van would fix the problem. “Yes,” she said, her voice warm. She really did love Erik. Everything about him, including his occasional cluelessness. “Yes, we do.” “Well… we don‟t have anybody to sponsor a tour bus for us. And we can‟t afford to stay in hotels every night.” He looked a little lost.

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“I‟ll do some research,” Kayla said. “Then we‟ll get everybody together and discuss our options. Does that sound good?” Erik nodded. “Yeah. That sounds like a good idea.”

*** Research, Kayla discovered, helped keep her mind off Jason. Which was probably for the best, since Erik reported that he had gone back to sleep. It was hard for Kayla to resist the temptation to check on him periodically, so burying herself in her computer kept her focus elsewhere. She found a website that showcased different touring vehicles -- real-life vehicles being used by real-life bands, most of them as financially strapped as Daze. Watching the videos and reading the tour tips helped her get a better perspective of how things actually worked when bands were on the road, and the kinds of financial issues the boys would be worried about. She wondered again how they managed to live like that, although seeing it laid out in even starker detail made her wonder even more. After the first hour of research, she set the computer aside and buried her face in her hands. She recognized that she was getting overwhelmed, because no really good ideas had occurred to her, and she was starting to feel panicky and depressed. She thought for a time, hoping something might surface, then finally went back to the computer and began to poke around with a commissioned project, instead. She should talk to Brent. He was the tour manager, after all. Between the two of them, they should be able to come up with some workable ideas. Plus, even if the band lacked the funds to finance a more comfortable tour, she was in considerably better shape. She‟d never been married, never had kids, and had built a successful career. As a result she‟d been able to put quite a lot into savings. She didn‟t see a problem financing the tour in addition to handling promotions and budgeting in order to be sure it was both comfortable and successful and, hopefully, at least a little bit profitable. She wasn‟t sure how the band would respond to that, though. She was more than willing to use her money to help them, but she wasn‟t sure they‟d feel the same.

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It was a conundrum. But she‟d figure it out if she had to bang heads together to do it. She sure as hell wasn‟t going to let the band compromise possible success over motives as stupid as pride. The client work came together quickly. When she was done, she switched back to Internet research. This time, with her mental palate cleansed, she started to formulate a plan.

*** When Jason woke the next time, his mouth tasted like something had died in it, come back to life, then died again. He groped for the glass of water on the bedside table and drank about half of it, rinsing the muck down. About three swallows in, he realized his throat had stopped hurting. Well, not completely, but damn close. There was still a vague rawness and a bit of a twinge when he swallowed, but it was nothing like the stabbing pain of a few days ago. And he actually felt more or less okay. He swung out of bed and headed for the bathroom. He heard voices from downstairs, but one look in the mirror and a quick whiff of himself told him he should hit the shower before subjecting anyone else to his presence. He adjusted the water, stripped, and leaned against the wall while the hot water pounded down. It felt good. He felt good. Almost. Maybe things would be okay, after all.

Chapter Seven Brent showed up at about nine the next morning with Randy in tow. To their credit, they were bearing coffee, bagels, and donuts. Kayla had already eaten breakfast. “Seriously?” Brent said, looking both amazed and crestfallen at the news. “I don‟t usually get up until noon.” “Well…” Kayla had to work to hold back a smile. “I‟m used to getting up at five to head for work downtown, so…” Randy shook his head, then made a beeline for the couch, grabbing the bag of donuts from Brent on his way past. “You should be so fucking grateful we gave you an excuse to quit that day job.” This time Kayla let the smile happen. “I am, actually.” Randy grinned back at her, fishing a cinnamon twist out of the bag of donuts. He took a bite, sipped his coffee, and sank back into the couch in orgasmic limpness. Brent handed her a large coffee cup. “Caramel latte?” he asked. “Good man,” she told him, and took a sip. “So, to what do I owe the pleasure?” “Just wanted to stop by and see how Jason was doing.” “He wants to be sure you haven‟t killed him,” Randy added around a mouthful of donut. “Why would I kill him?” Brent gave a grim chuckle. “I‟ve been around Jason when he‟s been sick and when he‟s been on vocal rest. I can‟t imagine what the combination must be like.” Kayla returned his chuckle. “Fair enough. Anyway, he‟s fine last I checked. I think I heard him turn on the shower a few minutes ago.” “Where‟s Erik?” Randy asked. “Still in bed. I can go get him if you want.”

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“Fuck that. He‟ll eat all the donuts.” Shaking her head at Randy, Kayla headed into the kitchen. “If you‟ll give me the donuts and the bagels, I‟ll put them on a plate so we can eat like civilized people.” “I don‟t know how to do that,” Brent said, but he handed over the bags of food. Kayla sorted them onto plates, retrieved a container of cream cheese from the fridge, and set everything out on the coffee table in the living room. “So. Brent,” she began as she settled into her chair, “I‟ve been giving some thought to the next tour.” “Erik said something about that.” Aha. Now the truth was coming out. Erik had mentioned their conversation yesterday to Brent, and now Brent was worried Kayla was horning in on his job. She could tell by the sudden shiftiness of Brent‟s eyes that she‟d hit the mark. “Let‟s get a couple of things straight right from the get-go,” she went on. “I have no desire to do your job. It looks like a pain in the ass. But everything I offered regarding promotion, merchandise design, logos, all the things we talked about -- that‟s still on the table.” Brent nodded, his posture, which had tensed a bit, relaxing again. “So this is about promotions on the tour?” “Partly. It‟s also partly about logistics.” Brent looked like he was about to say something, but just then Erik sauntered into the room, wearing nothing but his pajama bottoms and an unruly crown of bedhead. “Hey,” he said, seeing Brent and Randy. “Gang‟s all here?” “Yeah,” said Randy. “We‟re talking about the tour.” Erik grabbed a cup of coffee and a donut and flopped down on the couch next to Randy. “The tour we haven‟t decided when to do yet?” “That would be the one.” Randy leaned forward to collect a bagel, which he slathered liberally with cream cheese. “Logistics,” Brent said. “What about logistics?”

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Ready to make her case, Kayla opened her mouth to speak, but Erik beat her to it. “She needs to come with us. That‟s not going to work so well with a van.” Brent was silent a moment. Then, slowly, he said, “She has to go?” “Yes,” said Erik. “She has to go.” His tone invited no protest. It looked as if Brent might protest, anyway, but before he could quite gather his thoughts, Jason appeared, shuffling into the kitchen, then turning and making a beeline for the coffee table. His hair was wet and mussed, and he obviously hadn‟t shaved since before the Indy show. After indulging in the ritual coffee and donut retrieval, he waved with a couple of free fingers and sat down on the other side of Randy. The scene was almost surreal for a few moments, as complete silence fell. They were all waiting for Jason as he set his coffee on an end table and stuck his donut in his mouth so he could use his phone. He typed quickly with his thumbs; then everyone‟s phones went off simultaneously. Kayla could barely hear hers, and had to dig it out of her purse. By the time she got it out, Jason was typing again. Morning, the first message said, following quickly by, U guys look ridiclus. “How are you feeling?” Kayla asked aloud. TBetter. Throat better. He must have set up a group list on his phone, because, again, the message buzzed through to all four phones. We havin a mtg? “Tour meeting,” Brent explained. “We‟re talking logistics.” “We‟re talking about how Kayla needs to come on tour with us,” Erik said, and Jason gave him a look, then typed again. Kayla has to come with. No arguments. “All right, then.” Brent obviously had realized he wasn‟t going to win any argument, even if he felt the need to produce one. “So what do we do?” “I have some thoughts,” Kayla said. “Then let‟s hear them.”

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She‟d pissed Brent off. She‟d expected to, but it was still disconcerting to see the tightness in his face. She wasn‟t sure how to present her ideas without angering everyone, to be honest. She cleared her throat. “So… I was doing some research online, and I found a few bands who tour with RVs. Have you guys ever considered that?” “Not really,” said Brent, but Jason was typing. The message came through a few seconds later. RVs are f-ing expensive and you gotta have a f-ing expensive truck to pull em and gas is f-ing expensive. Though she knew Jason probably hadn‟t intended to be so abrasive, Kayla still felt it. Lips pressed tight together, she texted him back privately. Be a bigger bitch, Jason. He read the message and looked up at her, and the strange expression on his face made Kayla regret what she‟d said. She gave him a gentle smile, letting him know she‟d been half joking, and he relaxed. “I‟d like to look into it,” she said. “How are we going to afford that?” Erik put in. “Jason‟s right -- even used, those things are expensive, and they get, what, five miles to the gallon? And the trucks aren‟t any better, if we get a haul-behind.” “I know. But…” This would be the hard part. “I have money.” Jason‟s thumbs hit his keyboard almost before she‟d stopped talking. No. No no nonono. “Jason.” Her tone brought his attention directly to her. “I‟m part of this, too. I have a right to be invested money-wise as well as heart-wise.” We don’t need a sugar mama. Oh, that hurt. Kayla‟s eyebrows shot up, and words left her mouth before she could stop them. “Truth to tell, baby, I think you really fucking do.”

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Silence fell, so heavy Kayla could feel it on her skin. Erik was looking at Jason, Randy was looking at his coffee, and Brent looked like he didn‟t know where to look at all. Then, much to Kayla‟s horror, Jason opened his mouth. “I don‟t --” ”No.” She cut him off hard and fast, prepared to launch herself across the living room to clamp a hand over his mouth if she had to. “You shut your fucking mouth right now. We can work this out, but you will not risk your Goddamn voice. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jason actually looked cowed. After a long moment, during which Kayla was fairly certain everyone in the room held their breath, he put thumbs to keyboard again. I have strep throat, he said. Also I am a bag of dicks. He looked a little startled when the message buzzed through on every phone in the room. Erik, reading it, chuckled. “I can‟t argue with either point, dude.” “Look,” Kayla said, focusing on Jason but passing a look to Brent, as well, “all I want to do is discuss it. Do some research. I think if we work at it, look around, we can come to a compromise.” “It‟s fair,” said Randy, and Brent nodded. “I‟m definitely willing to look into it. It‟d sure as hell be more comfortable.” Erik was still looking at Jason. With a sigh, Jason typed again. Okay. We’ll look. “Good,” said Kayla. “Now eat your fucking donut.” Brent chuckled. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

*** Much to Jason‟s relief, the conversation degraded into trivial matters from there. He tuned most of it out, shoveling down donuts, bagels, and coffee like it was the last food left on Earth. “You must be feeling better,” Brent commented as Jason snatched the last cinnamon bun out from under his questing hand.

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Jason shrugged. With the cinnamon bun still in his mouth, he pushed to his feet. He pointed downstairs, then made a guitar-playing motion, grabbed his coffee, and headed for the basement. The damn song was still nagging. He‟d hoped he could get a basic outline down, then leave it until he was off vocal rest. But the words kept swirling in his head, and until he sorted out what was what between the verses and the bridge, he knew he wasn‟t going to be able to leave it alone. The pages he‟d scribbled over yesterday were stacked neatly in a pile on the table next to his chair. He‟d thrown a few of them away, but now he sorted back through the trashcan, finding the wadded-up papers. He unwadded them and spread them out, perusing the lyric changes between these versions and the ones he‟d decided were more acceptable. That line wasn‟t actually so bad… He had no idea how long he‟d been scribbling and restructuring when he heard footsteps on the stairs, but his coffee had gone cold. He looked up to see Kayla perched on her toes on the edge of the last riser. At her inquisitive look, he waved her in. “Just wanted to see how you were doing,” she said. She moved to take the seat next to his chair. Rather than dig his phone out of his pocket, Jason scribbled a note to her on a handy piece of paper. Doing ok. She nodded. She was leaning forward, her hands loosely clasped. “I just wanted to apologize for yesterday.” He frowned a little. “I shouldn‟t have brought anything up then. I should have waited until you were feeling better.” Shaking his head, he scribbled, My bad. I was a douche. She smiled a little. “Yeah, you were.” Silence fell. Jason mulled what to say. He knew he was on shaky ground, and he didn‟t want to make things worse. He finally wrote, I’m sorry. It never hurt to apologize repeatedly.

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She smiled a little, then leaned forward to brush his hair back from his forehead. “I‟m glad you‟re feeling better.” Her touch affected him as intensely as if she had kissed the tip of his dick. His cock went hard, straining painfully against his zipper. Need poured down his entire body, hot and tangible against his skin, like honey. He closed his eyes. “Jason?” Kayla‟s voice sounded worried. He forced his eyes open again to meet hers. The shift in her expression told him she knew what had just happened. “Jason,” she said again, and this time her voice was lower, hesitant and a little hungry. Her hand moved back to his face. He wanted to speak. He needed to tell her how much he wanted her, but that it wasn‟t like it had been when they‟d first met. He didn‟t want her to think he needed her like that. It wouldn‟t be right. He pulled back from her hand and caught it with his, pushing it gently away. With the other hand, he scrabbled for the pencil and paper. I’m okay, he wrote. “You don‟t need…?” Always need. “But you don‟t need.” He knew exactly what she meant. And after everything that had happened between them, he couldn‟t lie to her. He shook his head. “Then I don‟t think we should.” Her voice was gentle, but the words still hurt. “Not until we get a chance to talk. I mean really talk.” The look on her face held the same hunger he‟d grown used to seeing, but there was something else there. Something fragile, that he had broken. “You hurt me, Jason,” she said quietly. “Worse, you hurt Erik. I‟m not quite ready to let it go.” She started to draw back. He tightened his grasp on her hand, but she gently freed her fingers. “Later, Jason. Later.” And he could only sit and watch as she stepped back and left the room.

***

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Im never gonna get laid again. Erik laughed as he read the text message, and Jason wanted to smack him. “Sucks to be you, dude.” Jason gave him the evil eye. U cld help. Hoping for some support, Jason was disheartened when Erik laughed again, this time louder. “Celibacy‟s a new experience for you. I think you should embrace it.” U suck. “Not just now.” Jason was tempted to toss his phone across the room again, but he still had just enough self-control to keep from doing it this time. Instead he crossed his arms hard over his chest. “Moping isn‟t gonna do you any good.” Erik still sounded amused, which made Jason even angrier. “You need to sort stuff with Kayla, and if she doesn‟t want to do that via text message or your shitty handwriting, I don‟t blame her.” Jason mulled. He needed to fix things, and he just couldn‟t right now. He wasn‟t sure he‟d be able to even when he was given back his voice. He rubbed his thumbs on the keypad of his phone for a few seconds, thinking. She said I hurt you. Erik nodded. “You hurt her, too. And I bet she‟s more worried about whatever you said to her than about that girl rubbing her tits on you.” I’m sorry. “Yeah. I know.” He reached forward and flipped Jason‟s hair out of his eyes. “We never would have made it this far if I hadn‟t learned how to let it go when you act like a subhuman mouth-breather douchebag.” Jason rolled his eyes. Ur so eloquent. “And I speak truth.” Jason nodded, then pushed his phone back into his pocket and sighed heartily. He had more to say to Erik, but it could wait. Right now he was still hoping Erik would

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fold regarding the sex issues. He seriously didn‟t think he was made to be celibate, and neither was Erik. “Shit,” Erik finally said. “You‟re going to be even more of a pain in the ass if you don‟t get laid, aren‟t you?” Jason folded his hands primly. Erik glared at him. “Fine,” Erik finally said. “But -- hand jobs only.” Okay, that required a text message. U have got 2 be shitting me. But the expression on Erik‟s face made Jason certain Erik was not shitting him in any way, shape, or form. The next week was going to last a year.

Chapter Eight Jason stood leaning against a wall while Erik and Kayla spoke to a tired-looking RV salesman. He wasn‟t happy that Randy hadn‟t come with them. This was band business -- Randy should have been involved. But he‟d said he was busy today, and would check in with them later to see how the research was going. Jason knew the truth, though he didn‟t want to admit it to himself. After a few days of feeling not that bad yet still being on vocal rest, Jason had turned into a gigantic pain in everyone‟s ass. He couldn‟t count the number of times he‟d texted Fuck you to Erik, and yet Erik was still speaking to him for some reason. Of course, Erik had also slapped him in the back of the head about five times since Wednesday. He‟d also made good on his promise to ration Jason‟s sex, limiting him to hand jobs. Jason supposed he should have been grateful he was only pissed off about that. There was a time when that alone would have sent him into a tailspin, health-wise. But he didn‟t find that comforting. Plus he hadn‟t seen Kayla naked since the morning before the concert. And that was just not on. He sighed. It was his own damn fault for being a dick to them both. But he couldn‟t seem to help it. He was just pissed off and felt like his skin was too tight and, he was… scared. Yeah, he was scared. And he didn‟t want to admit it to anybody. Living in your own skin with a fear that large was enough to make anybody claustrophobic. “I understand what you‟re saying,” the salesman was telling Kayla, “but I don‟t think I can show you anything in the price range you‟ve quoted.” “We can secure financing,” Kayla stated. The man looked at Erik and Jason dubiously. Jason didn‟t think that was fair. Sure, they were wearing worn jeans, and Jason‟s plaid shirt had a hole in the elbow, but

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shit, they were musicians. They could dress like that, even if they could afford new threads, which Jason wasn‟t entirely sure he could at the moment. They were expected to dress like that, for God‟s sake. Following the salesman‟s gaze, Kayla rolled her eyes. “Seriously? That‟s the attitude you‟re going to take?” The salesman seemed chagrined, but not very. “I need to be able to sell these vehicles, not just show them to people who can‟t afford them.” “I see.” Kayla‟s voice was pleasant and even. Jason shuddered inwardly at the tone, and Erik cast him a look. Erik looked like he was about to start laughing hysterically. “Well,” Kayla went on, “I think I‟ll just take my friends and my business and my 780 credit rating elsewhere.” “780?” the salesman said. “Really?” Kayla only smiled and ushered Jason and Erik out of the showroom. You rock, Jason texted to her when they had returned to the car. When her phone buzzed, Kayla said, “You know I can‟t read that when I‟m driving, Jason.” Jason decided not to point out that she wasn‟t technically driving yet -- she had just put the car in gear to back out of the parking space. But Erik picked the phone up from where Kayla had put it in the cup holder and said, “He says you rock.” “Of course I do,” said Kayla, and headed for the next RV dealership.

*** The next stop went considerably better. Apparently no one had pissed in this salesman‟s Cheerios -- he showed them trailers and fifth-wheels, toy haulers and diesel pushers. Kayla took notes. Erik bounced on the beds, looked inside all the refrigerators, and sat in the driver‟s seats and made vrrrrr noises. Jason looked at the sheets of paper taped to the dining room tables that listed the specs and the MSRPs and fought off panic attacks. The salesman looked at him from time to time, as if wondering why the tall, broody dude never talked. Let him wonder, Jason thought.

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Finally they stopped in a class-C motor home, built on a van chassis -- Jason had never heard so much sheer data about RVs in his life -- and Kayla began to compile her list of final questions. “We‟ll need to get some breakdowns,” she told the salesman. “I think we‟ll have to look at used vehicles for the moment. I like the looks of this vehicle a lot -- I think it would serve our needs really well -- but we‟ll probably have to haul a trailer behind for our gear. I need to know gas mileage, maintenance costs, and towing capacity. I also want to get information on the thirty-foot toy hauler we looked at. Same kind of thing, plus info on what kind of truck we‟d need to haul it and, again, some gas mileage estimates.” About two miles to the gallon, Jason thought, but he didn‟t text anything. He still hadn‟t recovered from the last time Erik had smacked him in the back of the head. “Absolutely,” the salesman said. “Why don‟t you guys stay here, look things over again, and I‟ll go grab the specs you need back in my office.” Erik gave Jason a meaningful look. Unfortunately Jason had no idea what it meant. Then Erik gave a quick head jerk toward the back of the RV, where the main bedroom was, with its queen-sized bed. Oh. Wait. He pulled out his phone. SRSLY? Erik texted him back. U fix things w/K or swear 2 God I will rip u a new 1 & shove ur head up it. That sounded serious. Jason gave him another narrow look, but Erik just waved his fingers behind his back. Fingers that were partially closed around the keys to the RV. Good God, Erik had lifted the salesman‟s keys. The salesman, fortunately, was still going over Kayla‟s notes and didn‟t notice most of the exchange. He did give Kayla an odd look, though. “He‟s on vocal rest,” Kayla told him. “He‟s our lead singer, and he‟s getting over a bout of strep throat.”

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“Oh!” The salesman seemed thrilled to know there was a reasonable explanation for Jason‟s broody, silent lurkiness. Jason offered him a grin, but he figured it didn‟t come off too well. “Well,” the salesman went on, looking a little put off by Jason‟s display of teeth. “You‟d better take care of yourself, then.” He headed for the door, which was standing open. “I‟ll be back in a few minutes.” “I‟ll go with you,” Erik announced. Kayla gave him an uplifted eyebrow, which he answered with a look as meaningful as the one he‟d given Jason. Kayla glanced at Jason, then looked at Erik like he‟d just told her he was going to lock her in the RV with a serial killer. Erik just grinned and followed the salesman down the steps to the parking lot. There was a distinct click of a lock slipping into place as he pushed the door shut behind him. Much to Jason‟s surprise, he felt himself breaking out in a cold sweat. Yeah, because he had a history of becoming dick-shrinkingly terrified when he was locked in an RV with a beautiful woman. Slowly, he turned to face Kayla. “I think Erik wants us to have a conversation,” Kayla said, one eyebrow quirked about as high as Jason had ever seen it. He nodded his reply. “I also think you and I decided we should wait until you can actually converse,” Kayla went on. This time as she spoke she crossed her arms over her breasts. Jason got the distinct impression that she thought he was in on this somehow. Slowly, he pulled his phone from his pocket, considering what he wanted to say. This wasn‟t a good time for him to get defensive, but he couldn‟t let her silent accusation pass without comment. He typed, you decided. Her other eyebrow rose to meet the first. “I --” He was on her before she could finish whatever sentence was brewing in her head. He was tired of being on her shit list, and he wanted this settled once and for all. Now. His mouth found hers unerringly, pressing hers open even as she tried to form the next word. It came out in a muffled oof. Her hands came up flat against his chest as

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if to push him away. He would have let her if that was what she really wanted, but a moment later she melted against him, giving in to his persistent mouth. He kissed her for a good long while, reacquainting himself with the taste of her. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he didn‟t know how to tell her. Wasn‟t sure he ever would. As well as he could weave words into lyrics, too many of them were about pain, about emptiness. He wasn‟t sure he could ever express the fullness and beauty she brought him. Finally he pushed her back, gently, only a few inches. She watched him curiously, but he lowered his gaze to the middle of her chest. Deliberately, so she would be unable to mistake the action for anything else, he put his hands together, clasped with his index fingers pointing out, and drew a straight line from the dip of her collarbone to just above her navel. Then, separating his hands, he started with both fingers between her breasts and drew wide, matching loops. They rose and circled around the soft mounds of her breasts, then looped down and came together on her stomach, forming a wide, rounded heart. Without pausing to be sure she understood, he continued, this time using one finger to draw a “U” just above her breasts, almost echoing the neckline of her bra. Only then did he look up to see if she had understood. The look in her eyes told him she had. Tears hovered on her lashes, and she smiled at him. I love you, she mouthed in return. She leaned forward and kissed him gently. Why had it taken him so long to say it? He didn‟t even know. Why had he waited until now, when he couldn‟t even fucking speak, to tell her what he‟d known for months? Even the song he‟d written for her didn‟t come right out and say it, just tripped around the emotion, handing it out and then taking it back, over and over. He wasn‟t even sure he could have formed the words if he‟d had to speak them. Hell, he was pretty sure he‟d never said it to Erik, and if that was any indication of his complete inability to give his feelings over to people, then he was fucked.

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But she was kissing him now, and holding him hard in her embrace. He let his arms go around her, tight, as if he thought she might leave him, or be taken away. At the same time, though, he knew it would never happen. This wasn‟t like his childhood, when things and people had been taken away from him as a matter of course. Nothing could take him away from her, and she would never leave him. And the thought wasn‟t arrogance, or false hope. It was a simple fact. He felt a sob rising in his throat and swallowed it back. He drew away, easing away from the death grip he held on Kayla, and brushed her hair back from her face. Then, gently, he steered her toward the back part of the RV, where the queen-sized bed sat all alone, not doing anything important. “Oh, no,” she protested. “We can‟t. That would just be wrong.” He grinned and shook his head, and she dropped even the token protest. He figured as long as they didn‟t make a mess, no one would ever know. Except Erik. Erik would know just because he was Erik. He stopped her at the edge of the bed and reached down to unbutton her jeans. His hand slid past the open fly, past the waistband of her panties, until his fingers found slick heat. He closed his eyes for a moment, just feeling her. Even that soft, exploratory touch made her hips start to dance forward and back. A low sound came from her, one he recognized as hungry and wanting. He pushed her jeans down, over her buttocks and halfway down her thighs, then maneuvered her until she was sitting on the edge of the bed. After adjusting her clothes a bit more, he slid his head into the space between her open thighs and the tops of her jeans. He hoped nobody came back in without warning, because he could easily decapitate himself trying to get untangled. In the meantime, though, all he was thinking about was where he wanted his mouth. With his fingers, he carefully opened her labia, then fitted his lips against the soft, pink flesh between them. His tongue probed, rolling over her clit, then pressing inside. He could feel her tightening up already.

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And God, she tasted good. All salt, heat, and pure desire. He licked deep, then slid his fingers inside her. He didn‟t want to bring her off fast, but under the circumstances it would probably be for the best. Otherwise he wouldn‟t be able to hold himself back, and the last thing he wanted to do was jizz up the bed in an eighty thousand dollar RV he wasn‟t planning on buying today. So he pressed the pads of his fingers against the top of her vagina, at the same time pressing his lips on either side of her clit -- a soft bite, one he knew would send her over the edge. And she gasped his name, clenched his hair in her hand, and came in his mouth. She was just shivering back down from the orgasm when voices rose outside. “I don‟t understand. I just had the keys right here…” Jason almost laughed -- he couldn‟t help it -- but he held the sound back just in time. The salesman sounded panicky. Quickly, Jason lifted Kayla from the bed, helping her maneuver her clothes back into position. He had managed to put a wet spot about the size of a nickel on the fly of his jeans, but his shirttails were long enough to hide it. He straightened the slightly rumpled quilt, then grabbed Kayla before she could leave the small bedroom. He drew her close and pressed his mouth to hers. “I love you,” he said soundlessly against her lips, then let her go. She smiled and cupped his face with one hand. “You know the doctor said no mouthing the words, but I‟ll give you a break this time.” She kissed him again, then headed out to the living/dining room area of the RV. Kayla looked perfectly composed as she pushed the door to the RV open. The salesman stood on the suspended steps up to the door, frisking himself. “I swear I had those keys.” “Isn‟t that them?” said Erik, who was standing behind him on the ground. The salesman looked where Erik was pointing and, sure enough, there were the keys, gleaming in the sunlight, lying just under the edge of the RV. “Well, good grief,” said the salesman. “How did I manage that?”

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Erik looked up at Jason and winked. Jason looked back with a wide grin, and Kayla rolled her eyes at them both.

Chapter Nine “Please tell us he‟s better,” Erik told the doctor, who had a scope in Jason‟s open mouth. “If we have to put up with him on vocal rest another week, I think we‟re going to kill him.” Kayla chuckled, and the doctor quirked an eyebrow, his attention on the scope. Kayla was fairly sure the doctor hadn‟t quite understood why all three of them had insisted on crowding into the exam room, but she didn‟t really care, either. She wanted to be here when Jason received his diagnosis. The doctor leaned back, lowering the scope. “Everything looks good. I think we can take you off vocal rest, but I‟ve got some guidelines for you to follow over the next couple of weeks.” Jason nodded as the doctor continued. “I spoke to your physician in Indianapolis and got your records from her. I‟m going to second her recommendation for a vocal therapist -- Dr. Meisner is one of the best. I‟d like you to make an appointment with her as soon as possible. In fact, I‟ll make that appointment for you before you leave, if you like.” “That sounds like a good idea,” said Kayla. “And whatever you recommend for him for ongoing care, I‟ll be sure he does what he‟s told.” Jason made a face, as if he still wasn‟t quite confident that he was allowed to talk. When Erik chimed in, “Me, too,” he finally broke his silence and said, “You guys suck.” Kayla froze for an instant. His voice sounded normal, although he‟d spoken more quietly than he usually did. “When…” she started, then paused. “When will he be able to sing?” “The guidelines recommend gradual reconditioning, and when you see the vocal therapist, she‟ll provide more guidance. She‟ll probably want to work with you for

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several sessions. That‟s one reason I suggest making the appointment right away. I‟m sure you‟ll be happier the faster you‟re back to your usual routine.” Jason nodded. “That‟s for sure.” The doctor continued, his voice matter-of-fact, which Kayla found both reassuring and infuriating. “Since you didn‟t actually have nodes or direct vocal cord damage, you should be fine to get underway fairly quickly. It‟s really just precautionary. And she‟ll provide some help to be sure you keep your voice in optimal condition all the time, not just when problems crop up.” Again, Jason nodded, but this time he said nothing. “Thank you for your help,” said Kayla, breaking into the silence before it could get awkward. They finished up with paperwork, payment, and the new appointment schedule, then left the doctor‟s office behind. “That vocal therapist is gonna make me eat more vegetables,” said Jason as they got into the car, a little petulantly. “I was gonna make you eat more vegetables, anyway,” Kayla assured him. “Bossy,” said Jason. Erik just laughed.

*** Back home, they spent some time sorting out the calendar so they‟d be ready to schedule Jason‟s therapy appointments. Much to Kayla‟s relief, neither Jason nor Erik brought up the issue of money. She had thoughts about making sure they both had insurance coverage, but didn‟t think this was the right time to bring it up. She‟d do it when Jason would be able to yell at her without possibly hurting himself. He seemed to need to work through that stage with any major decisions. She smiled a little at him at the thought. Erik was right -- Jason could be a dick. But she loved him. Randy came over in the afternoon, and it was a relief to see the three of them talking normally. Jason‟s laughter rose more than once. While he did seem to be modulating his voice more than she‟d ever noticed before, she could tell he was feeling more confident and less afraid. That was a good thing. She heard scraps of discussion

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about a new album, ideas for an upcoming tour, and finally Jason ran downstairs to get his guitar and settled on the living room couch to debut the song he‟d been working on while he couldn‟t sing it. The hesitant, mothery part of her brain wanted to ask him if he was sure it was all right to sing, but she forced herself not to say anything. Instead she just watched, and let herself bask in the sound of Jason‟s voice. She hadn‟t realized how much she‟d missed it. He tuned the guitar, humming a few easy warm-ups while he nudged the tuning pegs where he wanted them. When he started to sing, she noticed he was holding to the middle of his range, not reaching for the higher or lower notes he often growled or wailed through on stage. He could take care of himself. She mentally chastised herself for thinking otherwise. Then she started to hear only the words. “There‟s a place inside my mind Shattered and sublime I feel you there I feel you there. Where the healing won‟t take hold And the cracks begin to show I feel you there I feel you there…” He‟d written this, she thought, when they were broken. When she‟d refused to speak to him, when he‟d been unable to. When she‟d wondered if anything would ever be the same between them again. She sat, still and stunned, while the song wove over her. There was a soft rasp to Jason‟s voice that she‟d heard before only on his acoustic performances, a sound that made her heart clench with the intimacy of it. Erik and Randy sat quiet, as well, Erik frowning, Randy tapping his thigh slowly in time with the music. “I like it,” said Randy when Jason played the last chord. “It‟s ouchy.”

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Erik grinned a little. “I told you it was good.” “I‟ll add it to the playlist for the next rehearsal session,” Jason said. “We‟ll go from there.” His gaze slid to Kayla. She almost looked away, not wanting him to see the tears hovering on her lashes, but in the end she held his gaze and let herself smile.

*** Randy left after dinner, which consisted of massive quantities of tacos Erik had had delivered. There was some discussion of calling Brent, to let him in on the tentative album and tour plans they‟d worked up, but Erik suggested they wait until tomorrow. “I just want to rest for a while,” he said. His sidelong glance toward Kayla let her know that when he said “rest,” he really meant something involving being naked. Jason, who had been stretched out on the couch with his feet in Erik‟s lap, pushed himself to a sitting position. He looked far too serious. “Can we talk?” Erik‟s brows lifted a bit. “Um, sure? What about?” “Those ground rules.” This was directed at Kayla. Kayla felt suddenly shaky and nervous. She was okay with ground rules. She just didn‟t want to think about what they might mean long-term. “We do need to talk about that,” she conceded. “I have some thoughts -- maybe we can put a few things on the table and --” “No.” Jason made a slashing motion with his hand, and his voice came quick and almost hard, catching Kayla off guard. She blinked, and her mouth shut on her planned words so abruptly her teeth clicked together. “I don‟t want ground rules.” “Jason…” Kayla glanced toward Erik, but he was quiet, watching the two of them. “I don‟t need ground rules. I just need you.” He looked at Kayla, then at Erik. She thought she saw a hint of desperation in his eyes. His soberness made him look older somehow, or maybe it was the beard he‟d let grow while he‟d been sick. “I‟ve done the „ground rules‟ thing before -- don‟t let me see you with the other girls, don‟t bring home anything contagious -- and it can work. Shit, I had ground rules with Erik. But that‟s not

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what I want. I don‟t have to be that guy anymore, the one who bangs anything and everything he can get into. And I don‟t want to be. I just want to be with you.” Kayla swallowed. “What if… what if it doesn‟t work that way?” Erik finally contributed to the conversation, speaking quietly. “Cross that bridge if and when we come to it.” Jason nodded. “Yeah. But I don‟t think we‟ll have to. I‟ve felt so… complete since we found you. The groupies and shit -- it‟s just physical reaction now. I can handle that. I can step away from that. I can‟t step away from you. Either of you. Not anymore.” He stopped, and his voice went thick when he said, directly to Erik this time, “I love you.” Kayla felt her own throat thicken with tears at the expression on Erik‟s face. Erik nodded. “I love you, too, Jason. I always have.” “I‟m sorry I never said it.” “Me, too.” They were quiet for a long moment. Kayla felt like she was going to cry. She didn‟t want to, but as she sat there in the silence she felt a hot tear slide down her cheek. “This is dumb,” Erik finally declared. “Why are we sitting here when we could be having sex?” “That,” Kayla said with a strangled laugh, “is an excellent question.” It didn‟t take them long to get their priorities back in order. Within a few minutes, they were upstairs in Kayla‟s bed, pulling clothes off each other willy-nilly. The serious mood that had settled over them downstairs was gone; they were laughing now, tangling in each other‟s clothes and in each other‟s limbs, until they all met in the middle, hot, naked, and already starting to slicken with sweat. Kayla pulled them both against her, managing a sloppy, three-way kiss, all lips and tongues and laughter. Then she sank down into the bed, a male mouth attached to each nipple, big hands groping down her stomach, between her legs. Jason‟s mouth found her first, diving between her thighs, the rasp of the beard a new and welcome sensation against her skin. She moaned as his tongue parted her. Erik‟s body lay full against her side, his mouth exploring anything and everything he

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could reach. One hand stretched across to cup her breast, kneading and caressing it. Turning to catch his gaze, she found him watching Jason. As she watched, Jason looked up from between her legs, and his gaze caught Erik‟s. She felt his smile against her flesh, saw the quick spark of mischief in his eyes. The exchange made her melt. Not in a soft, fluffy, marshmallow way, but the way metal melts. Hot and glowing, fire so intense it can barely be contained. Her body arched, her head tipping back on the pillows. The orgasm was just there, not quite ready to release but throbbing under her skin. There were hands all over her, Jason‟s tongue thrusting inside her, Erik‟s mouth pressing kisses and love bites across her neck and shoulders. The throbbing energy moved from Jason to Erik and back again, spreading over the conduit of Kayla‟s body. It was almost like yet another person in the bed with them -- that tangible, that intense. Jason‟s teeth rubbed lightly over her clit, and she bucked with the climax she‟d been trying to hold back. The energy poured across her, nearly hot enough to burn. Orgasm wrenched and wrung her until she could hardly breathe. When it had finally made its way through every particle of her body, she fell limp between the men, barely able to see, much less move. She thought she heard a chuckle. Jason, she was sure, but it was Erik‟s hands that moved her carefully into position. There was no energy in her to protest or assist; she let them do what they would. There had been a time when the loss of control might have frightened her, but that time had passed months ago. She truly trusted them with everything she had, everything she was. Jason kissed her, letting her taste her own musky salt on his tongue. She made a small sound, reveling in the movement of his tongue against hers. It was a slow kiss, but deep, a claiming kiss. Then he took a breast into his mouth, laving the nipple, claiming that, as well. Erik‟s mouth found her other breast while his hand moved down the small of her back. His fingertips traced the curve of back into buttocks, slid forward between her upper thighs to touch her wet cunt. Then his fingers slid back, using the moisture to rim

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her ass. Her whole body went loose and lax, and his finger moved inside her as if she‟d willed it there. Both men drew back, leaving her nipples wet and rapidly cooling in the air of the bedroom. Jason opened her legs and traced the hard jut of his erection along the inside of her thigh. Already sheathed in latex, it dragged a bit against her skin. She tilted her hips up and would have reached for him if she‟d had the energy. As it was, her arms lay loose on the blankets, and she couldn‟t seem to summon strength to make them rise. Instead she wiggled her fingers a little in a come-hither gesture. She doubted he could see it. But he came inside all the same, pressing his length slowly into her. She wanted more than that. She wanted more than he could give her physically, but as the energy moved across her body she realized she had exactly what she wanted. The blanket of power soaked through her skin and filled her body. The power was Jason, was Erik, and as it filled her she knew they both were inside her, part of her down to her molecules. For a single moment she could feel them both as if she were inside them -- their heartbeats, their breathing, the heat of their bodies and the insistent need that pulsed between their thighs. As it slowly left her, she wondered if they had felt it too. Jason had thrust into her a few times before Erik slid into position behind her. His fingers were slick now with chilly lube as he opened her. “Don‟t take your time,” she said, and her own voice almost surprised her; she hadn‟t been certain she could speak. A soft chuckle rained warm on her shoulder, then Erik kissed her there. She felt his cock against her, and Jason paused for a moment while Erik moved in, slow and easy. Kayla let her body melt into the burn of the penetration, letting out a slow, gasping sound as she took Erik in. They fucked her in matched rhythm, moving perfectly together so that it felt like a single man had taken her somehow in both orifices. The power rose again, wrapping all three of them together like a cocoon.

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When they came, they came together, as well, like a perfectly timed chord, all three notes sounding as one, backed by a low, bagpipe drone of magic. The moment became one that felt like eternity, like everything and every time folding into a single instant of ecstasy. It ended in a slow wave of deep pleasure, lifting and depositing them back in real time. They were silent for a long time. Kayla thought perhaps the boys had fallen asleep, but the slow movement of Erik‟s fingers against her hipbone negated that thought. Then Jason kissed her lightly and moved to lie next to her. “Never leave me,” he said quietly against her skin. She raised a hand and tangled her fingers in his hair. “I won‟t.”

Faith Talbot Faith Talbot has been a body double, a prima ballerina, and a forklift driver. In her spare time, she likes to knit and play the zither. Sometimes she can be found at rock concerts not being the least bit stalkery at all. You can contact her at [email protected], or visit her website at faithtalbot.com.

Acknowledgements The author would like to thank the following individuals for help researching this story: Joshua Weidling and Digital Tour Bus (digitaltourbus.com). Mike at RV America in Denver. Marty at Camping World in Denver.

More and more independent musicians are making their mark on the world due to the flexibility and access provided by the Internet. Please help support these talented folks. You can find fantastic music from artists you‟ve never heard of at bandcamp.com and noisetrade.com, both of which often offer music for free or at pay-what-you-like prices. Also, please take some time to check out my personal favorite independent band, Empires, from Chicago, at weareempires.com.