Four Weddings and a Funeral R I C H A R D CURTIS Level 5 Retold by Cherry Gilchrist Series Editors: Andy Hopkins and Jo...
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Four Weddings and a Funeral R I C H A R D CURTIS Level 5 Retold by Cherry Gilchrist Series Editors: Andy Hopkins and Jocelyn Potter
Pearson Education Limited Edinburgh Gate, Harlow, E s s e x C M 2 0 2JE, E n g l a n d a n d Associated C o m p a n i e s throughout the world.
I S B N 0 5 8 2 40262 X
First published by T r a n s w o r l d Publishers L t d 1 9 9 4 T h i s e d i t i o n f i r s t published 1 9 9 9 T h i r d i m p r e s s i o n 1999 O r i g i n a l c o p y r i g h t © P o l y g r a m Film P r o d u k t i o n G M b H 1 9 9 3 Text copyright © Penguin B o o k s 1999 All rights reserved A d a p t a t i o n o f this screenplay b y k i n d permission o f R i c h a r d C u r t i s
T h e r i g h t o f R i c h a r d C u r t i s t o b e identified a s the o r i g i n a l a u t h o r o f this w o r k has b e e n asserted i n a c c o r d a n c e w i t h sections 7 7 and 7 8 o f the C o p y r i g h t D e s i g n s and Patents A c t
Typeset by Digital Type, L o n d o n Set in 1 2 / 1 4 p t B e m b o P r i n t e d i n Spain b y M a t e u C r o m o , S.A. P i n t o (Madrid)
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Acknowledgements
P h o t o g r a p h s c o p y r i g h t © P o l y g r a m / P i c t o r i a l Press
A verse of 'Funeral B l u e s ' by W. H. A u d e n (Another Time, 1940) is reprinted from Collected Poems edited by E d w a r d M e n d e l s o n , by p e r m i s s i o n o f Faber and Faber Ltd o n b e h a l f o f the A u d e n Estate
P e n g u i n B o o k s gratefully a c k n o w l e d g e s that R o w a n A t k i n s o n , S i m o n C a l l o w , Charlotte C o l e m a n , H u g h Grant, David Haig, John Hannah, Andie MacDowell, Kristin S c o t t T h o m a s and S o p h i e T h o m p s o n have g i v e n permission for p h o t o g r a p h s from Four Weddings and a Funeral to be used in return for a d o n a t i o n o f £ 1 , 0 0 0 for T h e D i a n a , Princess o f Wales M e m o r i a l F u n d , registered charity n u m b e r : 1 0 6 4 2 3 8
Published by Pearson Education Limited in association with P e n g u i n B o o k s Ltd., b o t h c o m p a n i e s b e i n g subsidiaries o f Pearson
Plc
Contents page v
Introduction The People in this Story
vi
Chapter 1
The First Wedding
Chapter 2
The Second Wedding
22
Chapter 3
A Free Saturday
36
Chapter 4
The Third Wedding
45
Chapter 5
A Funeral
52
Chapter 6
The Fourth Wedding
56
Activities
1
69
Introduction It's a s u m m e r Saturday m o r n i n g , a n d C h a r l e s is still asleep. He s h o u l d be on his w a y to A n g u s and Laura's w e d d i n g already! C h a r l e s is always late, and h e i s always g o i n g t o w e d d i n g s . B u t t h e y are always o t h e r p e o p l e ' s w e d d i n g s , n e v e r his o w n . H e has h a d p l e n t y o f girlfriends, b u t h e i s w o r r i e d that h e w i l l n e v e r find the r i g h t w o m a n t o marry. H e n r i e t t a , o n e o f his o l d girlfriends, thinks that h e has a b i g p r o b l e m w i t h w o m e n . B u t w h e n h e d o e s m e e t a beautiful w o m a n called C a r r i e , h e w a n t s t o b e w i t h h e r v e r y m u c h . T h e t r o u b l e is, h e can't d e c i d e q u i c k l y e n o u g h , and she marries a n o t h e r m a n . T h i s is a story a b o u t love; it takes us to f o u r w e d d i n g s . T h r e e of t h e w e d d i n g s are for Charles's friends. W h o is t h e f o u r t h for? T h e r e are a f e w surprises at the f o u r t h w e d d i n g ! It is also a s t o r y a b o u t Charles's g r o u p o f friends. W e m e e t t h e lively Scarlett, i n h e r strange c l o t h e s , T o m and F i o n a , the r i c h b r o t h e r and sister, and G a r e t h , t h e ' r u d e , fat m a n ' . T h e r e i s sadness t o o i n t h e story, w h e n o n e o f the friends dies suddenly. T h e funeral teaches p e o p l e a lot, and after it C h a r l e s finally d e c i d e s w h a t to do — or d o e s he? T h e f i l m was m a d e i n 1 9 9 3 and i s e n o r m o u s l y p o p u l a r . H u g h G r a n t i s C h a r l e s , and A n d i e M a c D o w e l l i s C a r r i e . R i c h a r d C u r t i s w r o t e t h e w o r d s for the f i l m , and h e h a d t o r e w r i t e t h e m s e v e n t e e n times! H i s girlfriend E m m a m a d e h i m w r i t e a l o t o f i t again. S h e u s e d t o w r i t e t h e letters C D B o n his pages, w h i c h m e a n t ' C o u l d D o B e t t e r ' !
People
s u g g e s t e d f i f t y - f o u r different n a m e s for the f i l m . O n e o f t h e m w a s Always Late, a n d o n e w a s In Love in England. A c t u a l l y t h e s t o r y says a l o t about
love
and
weddings
in
Britain
today.
People
ask
themselves
questions like: ' S h o u l d w e have a b i g w e d d i n g ? S h o u l d i t b e i n t h e w a y that o u r parents w a n t ? O r s h o u l d w e g e t m a r r i e d a t all?'
V
The People in this Story T h e r e are a l o t of different p e o p l e in this story. T h i s list is for y o u to l o o k b a c k at, and c h e c k w h o ' s w h o , a s y o u read. T h e t w o m o s t i m p o r t a n t characters are: CHARLES (also s o m e t i m e s called C h a r l i e ) : An attractive u n m a r r i e d m a n w h o has h a d a lot of different girlfriends. B u t he doesn't really fall in l o v e until h e m e e t s C a r r i e . CARRIE: A beautiful
young American
woman
who
has
worked
in
fashion. O t h e r i m p o r t a n t characters are: SCARLETT: A lively y o u n g w o m a n w h o shares a flat w i t h C h a r l e s . S h e is n o t his g i r l f r i e n d . S h e w o u l d like to find a b o y f r i e n d , b u t can't y e t find the r i g h t p e r s o n . TOM: A r i c h b u t n o t v e r y c l e v e r f r i e n d o f C h a r l e s , w h o has n o girlfriend b u t is always s e a r c h i n g for l o v e . He finally finds it at the e n d of this story. FIONA: T o m ' s sister. S h e is v e r y c l e v e r a n d e l e g a n t , u n l i k e h e r b r o t h e r . S h e d o e s n ' t have a b o y f r i e n d b e c a u s e she i s i n l o v e w i t h s o m e o n e w h o d o e s n ' t l o v e her. HENRIETTA: S h e is an o l d g i r l f r i e n d of Charles's a n d she is still in l o v e with
him. Unfortunately, Charles
is
not in
love w i t h
her. P e o p l e
s o m e t i m e s call h e r ' D u c k - F a c e ' b e h i n d h e r b a c k . GARETH: A l o u d , l i v e l y f r i e n d o f Charles's w h o enjoys his f o o d and d r i n k , a n d lives w i t h his b o y f r i e n d , M a t t h e w . MATTHEW: Q u i e t e r than G a r e t h , k i n d and intelligent. M a t t h e w a n d G a r e t h have lived t o g e t h e r h a p p i l y for a l o n g t i m e . JOHN: H e n r i e t t a ' s b r o t h e r . He is a v e r y b o r i n g m a n , and the g r o u p of friends d o n ' t usually i n v i t e h i m t o t h e i r m e e t i n g s and parties. DAVID: Charles's y o u n g e r b r o t h e r . He is deaf, and c a n o n l y speak in sign l a n g u a g e , t h e l a n g u a g e o f t h e hands w h i c h m a n y d e a f p e o p l e use.
vi
S E R E N A : A n affectionate y o u n g w o m a n , w h o falls i n l o v e w i t h D a v i d . S h e learns sign l a n g u a g e specially s o that she c a n c o m m u n i c a t e w i t h him. B E R N A R D : T o m ' s best friend. H e and Lydia g e t t o g e t h e r a t t h e f i r s t w e d d i n g , and theirs is the s e c o n d w e d d i n g in t h e story. L Y D I A : Laura's b r i d e s m a i d a t the f i r s t w e d d i n g . S h e d o e s n ' t t h i n k m u c h o f B e r n a r d a t the b e g i n n i n g , b u t q u i c k l y c h a n g e s h e r m i n d w h e n h e starts to kiss her! G E R A L D : A y o u n g priest. H e i s still s t u d y i n g a t t h e t i m e o f t h e f i r s t w e d d i n g . H e i s ready t o take the s e c o n d w e d d i n g s e r v i c e i n t h e s t o r y b u t he is n o t v e r y s e l f - c o n f i d e n t .
vii
Chapter 1
T h e First Wedding
You are invited to the wedding of Angus and Laura on
May
1st at
St John's
Church,
Stoke
Clandon,
Somerset
It's A n g u s a n d L a u r a ' s w e d d i n g day, a n d C h a r l e s i s g o i n g t o b e their best m a n . T h e best m a n has t o l o o k after t h e b r i d e g r o o m a n d g i v e h i m t h e w e d d i n g r i n g . T h e best m a n also has t o b e a t the church on time, but Charles is never punctual. He is not even awake
yet. T h e
alarm
clock
rings loudly next
to
his b e d . H e
r e a c h e s o u t h i s h a n d , t u r n s i t off, a n d g o e s b a c k t o s l e e p . T h e w e d d i n g i s i n t h e w e s t o f E n g l a n d , w h i c h i s a t least t w o o r three h o u r s b y car from L o n d o n , w h e r e C h a r l e s lives. S o m e o f his o t h e r friends are a w a k e t h o u g h . T h e y ' l l b e a t t h e w e d d i n g b e f o r e C h a r l e s . I n t h e i r l a r g e , f i n e h o u s e , T o m a n d F i o n a ar e u p and getting ready to
g o . T h e y ar e b r o t h e r a n d sister, a n d t h e y
c o m e f r o m a v e r y r i c h family. T h e y are o p p o s i t e t y p e s o f p e o p l e : F i o n a i s a tall, e l e g a n t a n d c l e v e r w o m a n ; T o m i s a h a p p y , b u t n o t very intelligent, man. T o m e n j o y s his f o o d , a n d he's n o w e a t i n g a large breakfast w h i l e F i o n a c h o o s e s w h a t to w e a r . Finally, she zips h e r s e l f i n t o a s m a r t dress. S h e
goes
downstairs to
the
d i n i n g - r o o m and the
m a i d g i v e s h e r a c u p o f b l a c k c o f f e e . S h e q u i c k l y d r i n k s it, a n d t h e y s e t off. It's S a t u r d a y , s o t h e traffic i s n o t t o o b a d , b u t t h e y mustn't delay any longer. On
their
way
out
of London,
they
call
for
Gareth
and
M a t t h e w , w h o live t o g e t h e r i n a n attractive, c o u n t r y - s t y l e h o u s e . M a t t h e w is a c o o l b u t k i n d , s y m p a t h e t i c p e r s o n - a S c o t s m a n in his thirties. G a r e t h i s a large, fat m a n o f a b o u t f o r t y - f i v e . H i s hair i s a l i t t l e g r e y , b u t h i s b e a r d i s still b l a c k . H e l i k e s t o w e a r q u i t e elegant, but v e r y bright clothes. He loves to j o k e , and is often
1
q u i t e r u d e t o o t h e r p e o p l e . G a r e t h a n d M a t t h e w ar e b o y f r i e n d s . ' L a t e ! Y o u ' r e late!' h e s h o u t s , p o i n t i n g a t his w a t c h . B u t T o m and F i o n a k n o w G a r e t h well, and don't take any notice. T h e y a r e n o t a s l a t e a s C h a r l e s t h o u g h , w h o i s still a s l e e p . Finally, t h e sun shines o n t o h i m t h r o u g h the b e d r o o m curtains a n d h e w a k e s u p . H e takes t h e a l a r m c l o c k o f f t h e table n e a r his b e d a n d l o o k s a t it. ' O h G o d ! ' h e says. H e i s r e a l l y a w a k e t h i s t i m e . Charles
is
thirty-three
years
old, g o o d - l o o k i n g , and
always
late. H e j u m p s o u t o f b e d a n d rushes i n t o Scarlett's b e d r o o m . C h a r l e s a n d S c a r l e t t s h a r e a flat t o g e t h e r . T h e y a r e f r i e n d s , b u t n o t lovers.
Her
room
is
a
terrible
mess
-
there
are
clothes
e v e r y w h e r e . He picks up her red alarm clock and puts it u n d e r h e r n o s e . S h e o p e n s h e r eyes sleepily. ' O h hell!' Scarlett is t w e n t y - f i v e , lively, a n d a real L o n d o n girl. Y o u c a n h e a r i t i n h e r v o i c e — she's
certainly n o t f r o m an upper-class
family! T h e y h u r r y t o g e t ready, a n d r u n o u t t o t h e car, c a r r y i n g s o m e o f their f o r m a l w e d d i n g clothes w i t h t h e m . T h e car i s Charles's, a n d it's v e r y o l d . T h e e n g i n e w o n ' t start. 'Oh
God!
Oh
hell!'
says
Charles. 'Right, we'd
better
take
yours.' ' M i n e ? ' says S c a r l e t t . ' B u t i t o n l y g o e s a t f o r t y m i l e s a n h o u r ! ' Charles
drives
her
car
so
fast
along
the
motorway
that
it
s h a k e s . I t i s a v e r y s m a l l , r e d c a r , a n d it's a l s o v e r y o l d a n d r u s t y . T h e e n g i n e m a k e s a t e r r i b l e n o i s e . S c a r l e t t can't h a v e l o o k e d after it v e r y well! ' W h a t r o a d are w e l o o k i n g f o r ? ' asks C h a r l e s . Scarlett has a m a p , b u t she hasn't l o o k e d at it y e t . S h e p i c k s it u p j u s t a s t h e y pass a m o t o r w a y e x i t s i g n . ' I h o p e it's n o t t h e B 3 5 9 , ' C h a r l e s says w h e n h e s e e s t h e s i g n behind him.
2
S c a r l e t t f i n d s t h e r i g h t p l a c e o n t h e m a p . 'It's t h e B 3 5 9 , ' s h e says p r o u d l y . ' D a m n ! ' says C h a r l e s . H e s u d d e n l y p u t s h i s f o o t o n t h e b r a k e a n d starts t o d r i v e b a c k w a r d s a l o n g t h e m o t o r w a y . T h e r e i s a l o r r y coming
up
fast
behind
them,
and
there
is
nearly
a
terrible
accident. C h a r l e s turns the car on to the exit road. ' O h , h e l l a n d d a m n ! ' h e says a g a i n .
It is a beautiful s u n n y day n o t l o n g after n o o n as t h e y arrive at the small c h u r c h i n t h e p e a c e f u l c o u n t r y s i d e . T h e c h u r c h bells are r i n g i n g a n d all t h e o t h e r g u e s t s a r e a l r e a d y i n s i d e . C h a r l e s a n d Scarlett j u m p o u t o f t h e car. C h a r l e s hasn't f i n i s h e d d r e s s i n g a n d neither
has
Scarlett. T h e y
quickly
put
on
the
rest
of their
w e d d i n g c l o t h e s . F o r C h a r l e s , it's a f o r m a l s u i t . B u t S c a r l e t t i s w e a r i n g a b r i g h t o r a n g e dress w i t h p u r p l e a r o u n d t h e w a i s t , a n d an o r a n g e hat to m a t c h . C h a r l e s tries to h e l p h e r do it up at the back, b u t the zip gets stuck. ' H e l l , h e l l i s h h e l l ! ' says C h a r l e s , p u l l i n g a t t h e z i p . ' D a m n a n d h e l l ! ' says S c a r l e t t . S h e t r i e s t o g e t h i s t i e s t r a i g h t . A v e r y large smart car drives up b e h i n d t h e m . T h e b r i d e is c o m i n g . S h e gets o u t o f t h e car i n h e r b e a u t i f u l w h i t e w e d d i n g dress. One
of
her
bridesmaids
wonderful bunches 'Oh
no!' Charles
helps
her.
They
are
both
holding
o f flowers. says, a n d
they begin
to
run
towards
the
c h u r c h . T h e y s m i l e a n d w a v e a t t h e b r i d e a s t h e y pass h e r . T h e c h u r c h i s f u l l o f f l o w e r s a n d all t h e w o m e n g u e s t s are w e a r i n g e l e g a n t hats. C h a r l e s a n d Scarlett l o o k a r o u n d a n d finally see t h e i r friends, F i o n a a n d T o m , G a r e t h a n d M a t t h e w . T h e y g o over to them. F i o n a says t o
Charles, 'There
is
a sort of greatness in y o u r
lateness.' ' T h a n k s , ' C h a r l e s replies. ' I h a v e t o w o r k h a r d a t it, y o u k n o w . '
3
S c a r l e t t sits d o w n w i t h t h e m , b u t C h a r l e s p u t s a p i n k f l o w e r i n t h e b u t t o n h o l e o f his j a c k e t a n d w a l k s o n u p t h e c h u r c h t o A n g u s , t h e b r i d e g r o o m , w h o i s w a i t i n g n e r v o u s l y f o r his best m a n . ' S o r r y s o r r y , ' says C h a r l e s . ' T h e r e ' s n o e x c u s e , I k n o w . I'll k i l l m y s e l f afterwards, i f y o u like.' ' I t d o e s n ' t m a t t e r , ' says A n g u s . ' I f y o u h a d n ' t c o m e T o m w o u l d have taken y o u r place.' 'Thanks, T o m
-
you're
wonderful! W h a t
a
terrible
haircut
though!' Charles jokes. ' Y o u h a v e n ' t f o r g o t t e n t h e r i n g , h a v e y o u ? ' asks A n g u s . T h e best m a n is always given the ring to b r i n g to the church. ' N o , n o , o f c o u r s e not.' C h a r l e s t o u c h e s his p o c k e t c o n f i d e n t l y . B u t h e i s s e c r e t l y a l a r m e d . W h e r e i s t h e r i n g ? W h e n A n g u s isn't l o o k i n g , h e s e a r c h e s f o r i t i n h i s p o c k e t s , b u t t h e y ar e all e m p t y . O h G o d ! H e m u s t h a v e left i t a t h o m e ! Just t h e n , an attractive girl in a large black hat a n d w h i t e j a c k e t walks into the church. C h a r l e s a n d several o t h e r guests t u r n to l o o k at her. ' L a t e ! ' says C h a r l e s . ' I h a t e i t w h e n p e o p l e are l a t e ! Hate it.' T h i s m a k e s A n g u s s m i l e a l i t t l e a n d h e s e e m s less n e r v o u s n o w . T h e n t h e w e d d i n g m u s i c starts. ' H e r e w e g o ! ' says C h a r l e s , a n d A n g u s t u r n s r o u n d t o l o o k a t his b r i d e , w h o
is w a l k i n g up
t h e aisle
towards him. Laura is
h o l d i n g o n t o h e r f a t h e r ' s a r m , a n d she's w e a r i n g a v e r y e x p e n s i v e white
w e d d i n g dress. S h e
has
two
little
bridesmaids, and
one
older bridesmaid, a y o u n g w o m a n called Lydia. ' O h , isn't she b e a u t i f u l ! ' b r e a t h e s Scarlett. ' Y o u ' r e b l i n d , ' says F i o n a s h a r p l y . ' S h e l o o k s l i k e a b i g w h i t e cake.' ' D e a r f r i e n d s , I a m s o h a p p y t o w e l c o m e y o u h e r e today,' t h e priest
begins
the
service.
'Welcome
to
our
church
on
this
w o n d e r f u l day for A n g u s and Laura!' But Charles is looking around him, wondering what to do
4
a b o u t t h e r i n g . W h e n h e s e e s t h e g i r l i n t h e b l a c k h a t , h e starts t o think
about
remembers
other
that
things
there
is
a
—
she's
more
very
attractive.
Then
he
u r g e n t p r o b l e m . E v e r y o n e is
s i n g i n g n o w . H e tries t o m a k e o n e o f his friends n o t i c e h i m , b u t has n o l u c k . A t last M a t t h e w l o o k s a t h i m . C h a r l e s p o i n t s a t h i s o w n r i n g f i n g e r a n d t h e p a i n o n h i s f a c e tells M a t t h e w w h a t t h e p r o b l e m is. 'Please! H e l p m e ! ' C h a r l e s silently m a k e s t h e w o r d s w i t h his lips. M a t t h e w whispers to Gareth, but Gareth holds o u t b o t h hands t o s h o w that there i s n o r i n g o n t h e m . H e w h i s p e r s t o F i o n a , a n d t o several m o r e friends t o o . N o n e o f t h e m i s w e a r i n g a r i n g . C h a r l e s will be in big trouble! T h e singing is c o m i n g to an e n d now. Scarlett is singing v e r y l o u d l y and enthusiastically but n o t v e r y well. M a t t h e w interrupts her. ' S c a r l e t t ! ' w h i s p e r s M a t t h e w . S h e i s t h e i r last h o p e . S h e s m i l e s b a c k at h i m innocently. W h e n the priest b e g i n s to read the n e x t words of the service, M a t t h e w nods to Charles — yes, they've got something! ' I ' l l b e b a c k i n a m o m e n t ! ' C h a r l e s says t o t h e g r o o m , w h o looks alarmed. The
priest
continues
to
speak:
'Do
you
promise
to
love
her . . . ? ' w h i l e C h a r l e s g o e s d o w n the side o f the c h u r c h t o find Matthew. A n g u s , the b r i d e g r o o m , is saying 'I do.' Matthew
hands
something
to
Charles,
and
Charles
looks
s u r p r i s e d a t w h a t M a t t h e w has g i v e n h i m . 'It's t h e b e s t I c o u l d d o , ' w h i s p e r s M a t t h e w . Charles rushes back to the front of the c h u r c h . ' D o y o u h a v e t h e r i n g ? ' asks t h e p r i e s t . W h e n h e sees it, h e i s q u i t e s u r p r i s e d t o o . A n g u s p u t s t h e r i n g on to his bride's finger. It is in t h e shape of a large, b r i g h t l y c o l o u r e d plastic heart.
5
W h i l e t h e h a p p y c o u p l e are s i g n i n g t h e i r n a m e s a t t h e b a c k o f t h e c h u r c h , t h e b r i d e ' s sister a n d h e r b o y f r i e n d c o m e f o r w a r d s w i t h a g u i t a r t o s i n g p o p m u s i c . It's a n o l d B a r r y M a n i l o w s o n g . G a r e t h h o l d s his h e a d i n his h a n d s . T h e n h e p r e t e n d s t o s h o o t himself. H e i s letting e v e r y b o d y k n o w that i t i s o n e o f the m o s t terrible things he has ever heard. At
last
it's
time
g r o o m and the
to
leave
the
guests w a l k o u t
happy. E v e r y b o d y is
smiling
and
church. W h e n of the
church
the
bride, the
they look very
chatting. Charles
catches
up
w i t h the girl in the black hat outside. ' T h a t ' s a g r e a t h a t , ' h e says. ' T h a n k s — I b o u g h t it specially' she smiles at h i m . He can hear f r o m h e r a c c e n t that she's A m e r i c a n . Now
it's
time
for
the
wedding
photos. T h e
photographer
arranges the bride, the g r o o m and the family in groups for the different p i c t u r e s . A little b o y spoils o n e o f t h e m w h e n h e tries t o h i d e u n d e r t h e b i g skirts o f t h e b r i d e ' s w e d d i n g dress. H e t h i n k s it's f u n n y — b u t t h e o t h e r s d o n ' t . C h a r l e s a n d h i s f r i e n d s all g e t t o g e t h e r i n t h e i r o w n g r o u p t o chat. T h e r e ' s M a t t h e w a n d G a r e t h , there's F i o n a a n d T o m , and o f course the lively Scarlett. There's Charles's brother, D a v i d , too, w h o i s d e a f a n d c o m m u n i c a t e s i n sign l a n g u a g e u s i n g his h a n d s . A n d there's also B e r n a r d , w h o is T o m ' s best f r i e n d — he is like T o m , a k i n d m a n , but n o t v e r y clever. T o m enjoyed the w e d d i n g and so did Bernard. ' I t h o u g h t i t w a s g o o d , v e r y g o o d , ' says T o m . ' W h a t d i d y o u think?' ' O h . y e s , a p o d , v e r y g o o d , ' replies B e r n a r d . ' S c a r l e t t , ' says G a r e t h , ' w h a t a n a m u s i n g dress! P u r p l e f o r t h e C h r i s t i a n c h u r c h , a n d o r a n g e f o r t h e w i l d n a t u r a l w o r l d . J u s t like t h e m e a n i n g o f t h e w e d d i n g itself, d o n ' t y o u t h i n k ? ' ' Y e s — that's r i g h t , ' says S c a r l e t t , w h o d o e s n ' t r e a l l y k n o w w h a t he means.
6
' D o e s a n y b o d y k n o w , ' asks C h a r l e s , ' w h o t h e g i r l i n t h e b l a c k h a t is?' T h e y all l o o k a t h e r . S h e i s s t a n d i n g n o t f a r a w a y , t a l k i n g t o somebody's grandmother. ' H e r n a m e ' s C a r r i e , ' says F i o n a . ' S h e ' s pretty,' says C h a r l e s . ' A w f u l g i r l ! ' says F i o n a . ' S h e ' s A m e r i c a n . S h e u s e d t o w o r k a t Vogue, t h e f a s h i o n m a g a z i n e . * S h e l i v e s i n A m e r i c a n o w , a n d s h e only goes o u t w i t h v e r y smart, elegant p e o p l e . S o y o u can forget a b o u t her, Charles.' Fiona is n o t completely serious. 'It's a g o o d t h i n g y o u t o l d m e , ' says C h a r l e s , w h o k n o w s t h i s . 'Thanks.' T h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m l e a v e t h e guests a n d g e t i n t o t h e i r car. T h e y l o o k v e r y happy. P e o p l e w a v e at t h e m as the car is b e i n g d r i v e n away. ' R i g h t , ' says G a r e t h . ' I t ' s t i m e f o r t h e r e c e p t i o n . '
T h e guests have to w a l k t h r o u g h a f a r m to get to the r e c e p t i o n . I t i s v e r y pretty, b u t T o m steps i n s o m e c o w mess. ' D i d a n y o f y o u d o this t o o ? ' h e asks, l o o k i n g a t his s h o e . ' T y p i c a l ! ' says F i o n a . ' O n l y m y b r o t h e r c o u l d d o t h a t ! ' ' W e l l , ' said T o m , ' I
m i g h t find love
at the
reception. There
m i g h t be a really nice girl there! I don't w a n t to spoil my g o o d l u c k w i t h a horrible smell!' H e stops t o c l e a n his s h o e , a n d t h e o t h e r s w a l k o n t o w a r d s t h e house. T h e
bride
outside
a
in
line.
and
groom
and
Everybody
has
their to
families
shake
their
c o n g r a t u l a t e t h e m a s t h e y g o past. ' I n e v e r k n o w w h a t t o say,' says F i o n a .
* A magazine w h i c h is v e r y f a m o u s in Britain and A m e r i c a .
7
ar e
standing
hands
and
'It's easy. J u s t s a y " Y o u m u s t b e v e r y p r o u d , ' " M a t t h e w a d v i s e s h e r . ' T h a t ' s w h a t e v e r y o n e says.' ' G o d , n o ! ' says F i o n a . T h e y w a l k u p the line. ' Y o u m u s t b e v e r y p r o u d o f y o u r d a u g h t e r , ' says F i o n a , a s s h e shakes the h a n d of the bride's father. T h e reception is b e i n g held in a very large and smart tent, on t h e grass a t t h e f r o n t o f t h e h o u s e . I t i s full o f f l o w e r s , a n d l o o k s v e r y b e a u t i f u l . T h e guests are e l e g a n t t o o , b u t i n a c o m f o r t a b l e , n o t t o o r i c h w a y . M o s t o f t h e m e n are w e a r i n g d a r k s u i t s , a n d a l o t o f t h e w o m e n h a v e dresses w i t h flowers o n t h e m . T h e d r i n k s are b e i n g s e r v e d b y w a i t e r s a n d waitresses, a n d a t t h e b a c k o f t h e t e n t , t h e b a n d i s g e t t i n g r e a d y t o play. Charles pushes t h r o u g h the c r o w d , trying to find Carrie. B u t w h e n he finally sees her, she is already t a l k i n g to a g o o d - l o o k i n g man. ' T h e r a t ! ' says C h a r l e s . H e g o e s b a c k t o t h e d r i n k s t a b l e a n d takes
two
glasses
of wine. W h e n he
turns
r o u n d again, she
is
a l o n e . He offers h e r a d r i n k . ' O h — h e l l o ! ' h e says b r i g h t l y . ' D o y o u w a n t o n e o f t h e s e ? ' ' T h a n k you,' C a r r i e replies. Charles
badly
wants
to
talk
to
her, but
he
can't
think
of
a n y t h i n g t o say. 'Ah -
m m m —'
T h e situation is father embarrassing for t h e m both. Before
he can think of something, another m a n joins them.
T h i s is J o h n , w h o is a b o u t thirty-eight, but behaves like a m a n of sixty. H e i s v e r y f o r m a l . ' H e l l o C h a r l e s , ' h e says. ' A h , h e l l o , d e a r J o h n — h o w are y o u ? T h i s i s . . . ' 'Carrie,' answers C a r r i e for h i m . 'I'm delighted to m e e t y o u . My name's John.' T h e y a r e all s i l e n t f o r a m o m e n t — w h o i s g o i n g t o s p e a k
8
first? C h a r l e s d e c i d e s t o b e t h e f i r s t . 'So, J o h n , h o w ' s that lovely girlfriend of yours?' ' S h e ' s n o t m y g i r l f r i e n d n o w , ' h e r e p l i e s stiffly. ' O h d e a r — w e l l , d o n ' t b e sad! I h e a r d t h a t s h e w a s still s e e i n g o l d T o b y d e Lisle! S h e n e e d e d t w o m e n , y o u k n o w ! ' ' S h e i s n o w m y w i f e , ' says J o h n , e v e n m o r e s t i f f l y T h e situation is n o w even m o r e embarrassing than before. ' E x c e l l e n t , e x c e l l e n t ! ' says C h a r l e s , v e r y u n c o m f o r t a b l y . ' M a y I c o n g r a t u l a t e y o u ? A n d i s t h e r e t h e s o u n d o f little f e e t y e t ? Y o u k n o w - b a b i e s , a n d all t h a t ? N o ? O h w e l l , p l e n t y o f t i m e f o r t h a t , isn't t h e r e ? ' ' E x c u s e m e , ' says C a r r i e , a m u s e d . S h e w a l k s a w a y . C h a r l e s tells h i m s e l f t h a t h e i s a f o o l . I f h e h a d n ' t s a i d t h o s e stupid things, C a r r i e w o u l d n ' t have g o n e , and J o h n w o u l d n ' t have b e e n h u r t . H e hits his h e a d against a tree o n p u r p o s e , t h e n tries t o say h e l l o t o a n o l d l a d y w h o i s w a l k i n g p a s t . S h e t h i n k s h e i s c r a z y . Fiona
has
found
a
man
called
Gerald
to
talk
to. He
looks
i n n o c e n t , b u t a bit strange t o o . He is w e a r i n g a d a r k suit a n d a black pullover. ' W h a t d o y o u d o ? ' s h e asks h i m . ' I ' m s t u d y i n g to be a priest,' he answers. ' G o o d G o d , ' says F i o n a . ' D o y o u d o w e d d i n g s ? ' 'Not
yet —
I
will
do
later, o f c o u r s e .
It'll
make
me
very
n e r v o u s , I c a n tell y o u ! ' H e l a u g h s u n c o m f o r t a b l y . ' T h a t ' s j u s t l i k e t h e first t i m e o n e h a s s e x , isn't i t ? ' F i o n a says sweetly. G e r a l d is e v e n m o r e embarrassed now. ' A h — well, I suppose s o —' ' N o t so m u c h mess, though,' Fiona continues, but Gerald can't r e p l y a t all n o w . D a v i d has c o m e o v e r t o t a l k t o C h a r l e s , h i s b r o t h e r . C h a r l e s knows
sign
language
for
the
deaf
very
well,
and
c o m m u n i c a t e d like this w i t h D a v i d since t h e y w e r e c h i l d r e n .
9
has
' H o w a r e y o u d o i n g ? ' D a v i d asks w i t h h i s h a n d s . ' D o y o u r e m e m b e r that t i m e w h e n w e w e r e playing w i t h the e n g i n e o n D a d ' s m o t o r b o a t , a n d m y l e g was almost cut off?' 'Yes.' ' W e l l , this is w o r s e . ' S o m e b o d y has b e e n w a t c h i n g D a v i d — a pretty girl w i t h l o n g r e d hair. S h e is w e a r i n g a b r i g h t y e l l o w hat. H e r n a m e is S e r e n a . She points at David. ' W h o ' s t h a t b o y o v e r t h e r e i n t h e g r e y s u i t ? ' s h e asks M a t t h e w . 'His name's David,' M a t t h e w answers. ' H e ' s v e r y attractive, isn't h e ? ' s h e says. ' Y e s — I ' v e a l w a y s t h o u g h t so.' ' W h y are t h e y u s i n g t h e i r h a n d s l i k e that?' she asks. ' H e c a n ' t h e a r . H e ' s deaf,' says M a t t h e w . ' O h — g o o d heavens!' 'Silent, b u t v e r y attractive,' M a t t h e w c o n t i n u e s . A n d n o w t h e f a t h e r o f t h e b r i d e tells e v e r y o n e t h a t d i n n e r i s b e i n g s e r v e d . H e a s k s t h e m t o g o i n t o t h e t e n t a n d sit d o w n . T h e y all f i n d t h e i r w a y t o t h e i r t a b l e s . J o h n sits d o w n n e x t t o h i s w i f e , n o t a s h a p p y w i t h h e r a s h e w a s earlier n o w that h e k n o w s a b o u t T o b y d e L i s l e . C a r r i e sits n e x t t o G e o r g e , a n o t h e r s t i f f a n d b o r i n g type of m a n w h o read a piece from the Bible v e r y l o u d l y a t t h e w e d d i n g s e r v i c e . S c a r l e t t sits d o w n n e x t t o a c o m p l e t e s t r a n g e r , a n d g i v e s h i m a b i g kiss o n t h e m o u t h . ' H i — my name's Scarlett! D o n ' t let me d r i n k t o o m u c h — I get m u c h too friendly!' C h a r l e s , a s b e s t m a n , h a s t o sit o n t h e t o p t a b l e w i t h t h e f a m i l y H e sits d o w n n e x t t o a n o l d m a n , w h o l o o k s a n n o y e d . ' H o w do y o u do — my n a m e is Charles.' 'Don't
be
stupid!'
the
old
man
says
angrily. 'Charles
t w e n t y years ago!' ' W e l l , that m u s t be a different Charles.' ' A r e y o u telling m e that I don't k n o w m y o w n brother?'
10
died
C h a r l e s c a n see that the o l d m a n is o b v i o u s l y m a d . ' N o , n o , o f c o u r s e n o t , ' C h a r l e s says h u r r i e d l y , a n d t r i e s n o t t o have any m o r e conversation w i t h h i m .
D i n n e r is served, a n d e v e r y b o d y b e g i n s to eat. L a u r a , t h e b r i d e , is v e r y happy, a n d l a u g h s a n d talks w i t h e v e r y o n e n e a r her. E v e n A n g u s is smiling, w h i c h is unusual for h i m . In E n g l a n d it is a c u s t o m f o r t h e b e s t m a n t o m a k e a s p e e c h a n d a t last it's t i m e f o r C h a r l e s t o s t a n d u p . H e h i t s h i s glass l o u d l y w i t h a s p o o n , a n d people stop eating and talking. Charles is nervous. 'Ladies and g e n t l e m e n , I'm sorry to take y o u away f r o m y o u r c o n v e r s a t i o n a n d t h e w o n d e r f u l f o o d , b u t t h e r e are a f e w t h i n g s that I n e e d to say. T h i s is o n l y t h e s e c o n d t i m e that I have e v e r b e e n a b e s t m a n . I h o p e t h a t I d i d t h e j o b w e l l t h e first t i m e . W e l l , t h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m are still t a l k i n g t o m e ! U n f o r t u n a t e l y t h o u g h , they're not talking to each other. ' B u t p e o p l e say t h a t I ' m n o t g u i l t y . Y e s , I d i d s a y i n m y s p e e c h t h a t P i e r s , t h e g r o o m , h a d s l e p t w i t h P a u l a ' s y o u n g e r sister. B u t Paula k n e w this already — she really did! S h e w a s a bit s u r p r i s e d t o h e a r that h e h a d also slept w i t h h e r m o t h e r . B u t I d o n ' t t h i n k their v i o l e n t t w o - d a y m a r r i a g e b r o k e up b e c a u s e of that. I really don't think so!' M o s t people burst out laughing at the j o k e - C a r r i e is o n e of t h e m — a n d s o m e c l a p , b u t t h e r e ar e a f e w s t r a i g h t f a c e s . ' B u t o f c o u r s e I ' m h e r e t o d a y t o t a l k a b o u t A n g u s , a n d h e has n o t h i n g t o h i d e , h a s h e ? W e l l , that's w h a t I t h o u g h t a t first . . . ' People
are
still l a u g h i n g , a s
Charles
becomes
serious
for a
moment. 'I'd l i k e t o say t h a t I d o t h i n k v e r y h i g h l y o f p e o p l e w h o g e t m a r r i e d , like A n g u s a n d Laura. M a r r i a g e is a b i g step to take, a n d I k n o w I c o u l d n ' t d o it. B u t I t h i n k it's w o n d e r f u l t h a t t h e y c a n . N o w , back to A n g u s and those sheep!'
11
E v e r y b o d y l a u g h s a n d c l a p s , a n d t h e n C h a r l e s asks t h e m t o raise t h e i r glasses a n d d r i n k t o A n g u s a n d L a u r a .
A f t e r t h e f o r m a l d i n n e r a n d s p e e c h e s , it's t i m e t o d a n c e . T h e b a n d p l a y s , a n d L a u r a a n d A n g u s a s b r i d e a n d g r o o m are t h e first t o c o m e o u t o n t o t h e d a n c e floor. L a u r a enjoys herself, a n d dances in
a
v e r y lively
manner, but Angus
moves
stiffly P e r h a p s
he's
never heard p o p music before. Scarlett and T o m dance together. T h e y are b o t h e n t h u s i a s t i c
dancers; Scarlett dances wildly, and
T o m v e r y badly, b u t they enjoy themselves e n o r m o u s l y . G a r e t h i s d a n c i n g like a m a d m a n . 'When
I first saw
Gareth
dance,' M a t t h e w
tells
Charles, 'I
t h o u g h t to myself, " P e o p l e will be killed. Lives will be lost.'" B u t C h a r l e s i s n o t really c o n c e n t r a t i n g o n w h a t M a t t h e w i s s a y i n g . H e i s l o o k i n g f o r C a r r i e . W h e n h e sees her, she i s already dancing with another man. ' S h e ' s pretty, isn't s h e ? ' M a t t h e w n o t i c e s that C h a r l e s i s l o o k i n g a t h e r , 'Is i t l o v e ? ' T h i s m a y be true, but Charles is surprised and alarmed to hear M a t t h e w say it. ' O h , g o o d G o d n o — n o , it's t h e m a n t h a t she's d a n c i n g w i t h ! I w a s a t s c h o o l w i t h h i m . I ' m j u s t t r y i n g t o r e m e m b e r his n a m e ! B u t - w e l l , if o n e d i d m e e t s o m e b o d y n i c e at a w e d d i n g — are t h e r e m e n w h o c o u l d ask a girl t o g o o u t w i t h t h e m a t o n c e ? O n t h e s a m e day, I m e a n ? ' ' I f t h e r e are,' s a i d M a t t h e w , ' t h e y ' r e n o t E n g l i s h . ' ' E x a c t l y ! ' said C h a r l e s . 'I
m e a n - it usually takes me
about
t h r e e w e e k s t o ask.' By
about
nine
o ' c l o c k , it's
getting dark, and
the
bride
and
g r o o m are a l m o s t r e a d y t o leave. L a u r a has d r u n k a l o t b y n o w , a n d she is
enthusiastically kissing s o m e
w h o she doesn't really k n o w .
12
of h e r distant cousins,
'They promised bridesmaid,
me sex,' says
Lydia.
you'll get sex," they said. hasn't.
Nobody
has
'Everybody said 'But has been
it
it.
"If you're
happened?
No,
a it
near me.'
' Y o u k n o w that I l o v e y o u , Jean, d o n ' t y o u ? ' she asks, a l m o s t i n tears. S h e p u t s h e r a r m s a r o u n d J e a n . ' I l o v e y o u , I l o v e y o u a n d M i k e v e r y m u c h . I've n e v e r m e t y o u b e f o r e , b u t I l o v e y o u b o t h , I really do.' ' D o n ' t w o r r y ' says A n g u s , h e r n e w h u s b a n d . ' S h e ' s d r u n k . W e l l , I h o p e she is — or I ' m in real t r o u b l e ! ' Back
in
the
tent,
Lydia,
the
young
woman
who
was
a
bridesmaid at the marriage service, is sitting w i t h her h e a d in her h a n d s . S h e l o o k s d e p r e s s e d . S h e i s still w e a r i n g h e r b r i d e s m a i d ' s dress a n d t h e f l o w e r s a r o u n d h e r h e a d . ' H o w ' s i t g o i n g , L y d s ? ' asks B e r n a r d . A w f u l . Just awful,' c o m p l a i n s L y d i a . ' O h dear. W h a t ' s t h e p r o b l e m ? '
13
'They promised
me
s e x , ' says
Lydia. 'Everybody
said
it. " I f
y o u ' r e a b r i d e s m a i d , y o u ' l l g e t sex," t h e y said. " A l l t h e m e n w i l l w a n t y o u . Y o u ' l l h a v e t o f i g h t t h e m off." B u t has i t h a p p e n e d ? N o , i t hasn't. N o b o d y has b e e n n e a r me.' ' W e l l , l o o k . . . ' said B e r n a r d , a little shy n o w , ' I m e a n — i f y o u l i k e - I c o u l d —' ' D o n ' t be stupid, Bernard. I'm not desperate!' answers Lydia sharply ' N o , no, of course
not — sorry -
I just t h o u g h t -' Bernard
replies hurriedly.
W h e n t h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m are finally r e a d y t o g e t i n t h e i r car, Laura throws her b u n c h o f flowers a t the guests. T h e person w h o catches it will be the next person to get married - or so people b e l i e v e . S c a r l e t t raises h e r h a n d t o c a t c h it, b u t fails. F i o n a s t e p s o u t o f t h e w a y . A n d L y d i a i s t h e o n e w h o c a t c h e s it! T h e c a r has a s t r i n g o f tins t i e d t o it, a n d r u d e t h i n g s w r i t t e n o n it. T h i s i s t h e c u s t o m a t E n g l i s h w e d d i n g s . B u t w h e n A n g u s and Laura o p e n the door, a large w h i t e sheep j u m p s out, w i t h a b e l l t i e d a r o u n d its n e c k ! E v e r y b o d y l a u g h s . T h e y all w a v e a n d s h o u t g o o d b y e a s t h e h a p p y c o u p l e are b e i n g d r i v e n a w a y . T h e y are g o i n g o n t h e i r h o n e y m o o n . C h a r l e s i s sad, t h o u g h , a s h e g o e s b a c k i n t o t h e t e n t . T h e b a n d i s p l a y i n g ' L o v e i s A l l A r o u n d ' . O b v i o u s l y h e f e e l s t h a t it's n o t t r u e f o r h i m . L a t e r o n , his g r o u p o f f r i e n d s b e g i n t o m a k e t h e i r arrangements for the night. ' W h e r e are y o u s t a y i n g t o n i g h t , C h a r l e s ? ' asks T o m . 'Scarlett
and
I
are
g o i n g to
some
pub — The
Lucky Boat?
S o m e t h i n g l i k e t h a t . A r e n ' t w e all s t a y i n g t h e r e ? ' ' W e l l , n o - t h e p l a n h a s c h a n g e d . T h e o t h e r s a r e all c o m i n g back
to
my
place. Nansy's
there
— you
know, our lovely
old
servant. She'll probably c o o k u s s o m e b a c o n and eggs w h e n w e
14
get
there, and w e
c o u l d play s o m e
games. W o u l d y o u
like
to
come too?' 'Yes, excellent, thanks v e r y m u c h . Is there a r o o m for Scarlett, too?' ' O h of course — we've got a hundred and thirty-seven rooms actually.' T o m ' s ' p l a c e ' i s his f a m i l y castle. T h e h o u s e i n L o n d o n i s n o t their o n l y h o m e . ' T o m , ' asks C h a r l e s , ' ar e y o u t h e r i c h e s t m a n i n E n g l a n d ? ' ' O h — n o , n o ! I b e l i e v e w e ' r e n u m b e r s e v e n o n t h e list. W e l l , t h e Q u e e n c o m e s first, o b v i o u s l y . A n d t h a t R i c h a r d B r a n s o n m a n i s d o i n g v e r y w e l l w i t h his p o p m u s i c a n d his a e r o p l a n e s . * W e l l , excellent news -
I ' m glad that you're
c o m i n g . I'll
go
a n d tell
Scarlett.' S u d d e n l y C a r r i e appears n e x t to Charles. ' H i ! ' says C h a r l e s , s u r p r i s e d . T t h o u g h t y o u ' d g o n e . ' ' N o — n o t y e t . I w a s j u s t w o n d e r i n g — w h e r e are y o u s t a y i n g tonight?' ' W e l l , I w a s g o i n g t o stay a t s o m e p u b - T h e L u c k y B o a t ? ' ' B o a t m a n , ' C a r r i e tells h i m . ' T h e L u c k y B o a t m a n . ' ' R i g h t . B u t n o w I ' m g o i n g t o stay w i t h s o m e f r i e n d s a t t h e i r h o u s e . W e l l , I say h o u s e , b u t it's r e a l l y a n e n o r m o u s c a s t l e . . . ' ' O h , w h a t a shame - because I ' m staying at the B o a t m a n . ' ' O h ! ' says invitation
—
Charles, surprised but
he
doesn't
again. This reply
is
quickly
really
a
enough.
perfect He
is,
unfortunately, an Englishman! 'Well — it was nice to m e e t y o u . T h o u g h we didn't quite meet,' says C a r r i e . T l i k e d y o u r s p e e c h — i t w a s g r e a t . ' ' T h a n k s , ' says C h a r l e s . H e still f i n d s i t h a r d t o s a y a n y t h i n g , a n d they stand there silently t o g e t h e r for a m o m e n t . ' I ' m g o i n g n o w , ' C a r r i e says.
* R i c h a r d Branson, a British businessman, o w n s the famous V i r g i n company.
15
' N o - don't! C o u l d n ' t we m e e t each other n o w ? T h e evening's just starting!' T h e y b o t h l o o k around at the tent, w h i c h is n o w in quite a mess, w i t h bottles a n d chairs l y i n g o n the g r o u n d . ' W e b o t h k n o w t h a t ' s a b i g lie,' says C a r r i e , a n d s h e w a l k s a w a y . ' H e l l ! ' says C h a r l e s . The
band
has
stopped
playing,
but
the
bride's
sister
and
b o y f r i e n d are b a c k w i t h t h e i r guitar. O n l y f o u r p e o p l e are t r y i n g t o d a n c e n o w t o t h e i r m u s i c , w h i c h i s n o t v e r y l i v e l y . O t h e r s are kissing, a n d a f e w really d r u n k p e o p l e have fallen asleep. O n e o f t h e p a i r s t h a t a r e k i s s i n g i s B e r n a r d a n d L y d i a . T h e y are k i s s i n g v e r y enthusiastically, and Lydia is quite breathless. ' B e r n a r d ! ' she cries in surprise. 'I didn't k n o w that it c o u l d be like this!' ' G o d , ' says G a r e t h , l o o k i n g a r o u n d a t all t h e m e s s . H e h a t e s t h e m u s i c t h a t i s b e i n g p l a y e d . ' W h a t a d i s a s t e r ! It's t i m e f o r t h e c a s t l e . H o w a b o u t y o u , T o m — are y o u d r u n k ? C a n y o u d r i v e u s safely?' ' O f c o u r s e , o f c o u r s e , ' says T o m . ' I ' v e h a d n o t h i n g t o d r i n k t h e w h o l e e v e n i n g . ' B u t w h e n h e s t a n d s u p , h e n e a r l y falls o v e r ! H e must have d r u n k m o r e than he thinks! • T h e g r o u p o f f r i e n d s g e t i n t o T o m ' s b i g car, a n d t h e y d r i v e a w a y t h r o u g h t h e q u i e t c o u n t r y s i d e u n d e r t h e stars. T h e y ' r e t r y i n g t o sing, b u t t h e y ' r e f i n d i n g t h e h i g h bits q u i t e difficult. C h a r l e s says, ' T o m , c a n y o u s t o p t h e car?' T o m brakes suddenly. ' S o r r y , ' C h a r l e s a p o l o g i s e s . T t h i n k I will g o t o t h e p u b . ' ' B u t w h y ? ' asks T o m . ' A h —' Charles is
uncomfortable, and doesn't k n o w exactly
w h a t t o say. E v e r y o n e m a k e s a j o k e o f it. ' N o , s e r i o u s l y , ' says C h a r l e s . ' I ' m w r i t i n g a b o u t p u b s t h a t h a v e
16
t h e w o r d " b o a t " i n t h e i r n a m e . M y b o o k w i l l b e t h e first o n t h e subject.' ' D o w h a t y o u l i k e , ' says T o m , a n d C h a r l e s j u m p s o u t . H e i s n o w standing in the dark in the middle of a road, s o m e w h e r e in the c o u n t r y s i d e . H e s u d d e n l y feels v e r y m u c h a l o n e . A n d h o w i s h e g o i n g t o f i n d this p u b ? ' H m m , a n o d d d e c i s i o n , ' says C h a r l e s t o h i m s e l f . H e sets o f f i n t h e o p p o s i t e d i r e c t i o n d o w n t h e d a r k c o u n t r y road. H e d o e s m a n a g e t o find his w a y t o t h e p u b , t h o u g h b y t h e time he arrives, it is a b o u t o n e o ' c l o c k in the m o r n i n g . It seems very quiet in the hotel reception w h e r e Charles should c h e c k in. Charles is just a b o u t to ring the bell on the front desk w h e n he sees C a r r i e . S h e is sitting p e a c e f u l l y in a large, c o m f o r t a b l e chair. ' H e l l o , ' says C h a r l e s . S h e l o o k s at h i m w i t h a question in her eyes, but she is smiling too. 'Hi.' ' T h e r e wasn't e n o u g h r o o m for everybody,' Charles lies,'so ...' ' Y o u s a i d i t w a s a castle,' C a r r i e r e m i n d s h i m . ' D i d I ? Y e s , that's t r u e — i t i s a c a s t l e . B u t it's a v e r y s m a l l o n e . O n l y o n e r o o m upstairs a n d o n e r o o m d o w n s t a i r s — v e r y rare!' T h e y b o t h enjoy the joke. A w a i t e r c o m e s i n a n d asks C h a r l e s , ' W o u l d y o u l i k e a d r i n k , sir?' Charles orders a drink for himself, and o n e for C a r r i e t o o . B u t w h e n he turns r o u n d , there is no C a r r i e — w h e r e has she g o n e ? T h e n G e o r g e w a l k s d o w n t h e stairs. H e i s t h e b o r i n g m a n w h o read
loudly
in
church.
He
is
whistling
and
he
seems
happy.
Charles understands. ' Y o u ' r e h e r e t o o ! ' says G e o r g e . ' H e l l o , ' says C h a r l e s . 'You
haven't
seen
Carrie,
speaking loudly.
17
have
you?'
George
is
still
' W h o ? ' asks C h a r l e s , t h i n k i n g fast. ' C a r r i e . A m e r i c a n girl. L o v e l y legs. W e d d i n g guest. N i c e smell.' ' N o — sorry' answers Charles. ' D a m n . I t h o u g h t I had a g o o d chance w i t h her!' S u d d e n l y , C a r r i e ' s h e a d appears a b o v e the sofa, w h e r e she has b e e n h i d i n g . S h e m a k e s a terrible face to s h o w that he had no c h a n c e w i t h h e r a t all! O n l y C h a r l e s c a n s e e , f o r t u n a t e l y . ' L o o k , i f y o u see her, c o u l d y o u tell h e r that I ' m i n m y r o o m ? ' asks G e o r g e , n o t v e r y p l e a s e d . ' Y e s , y e s , ' says C h a r l e s , h o p i n g t h a t h e ' l l g o a w a y q u i c k l y . B u t just then, the waiter c o m e s back w i t h the t w o drinks. ' O n e f o r y o u , sir,' h e says, ' a n d o n e f o r t h e — ' ' O n e f o r t h e r o a d ! ' says C h a r l e s b r i g h t l y , b e f o r e t h e w a i t e r c a n say ' l a d y ' . ' A c t u a l l y , I t h i n k I'd l i k e a d r i n k t o o ! C a n I j o i n y o u ? ' ' Y e s — l o v e l y i d e a , ' says C h a r l e s u n h a p p i l y . ' A n o t h e r d r i n k h e r e a n d a c i g a r ! ' G e o r g e calls o u t t o t h e w a i t e r . ' N o , let's h a v e a b o t t l e ! W e ' l l d r i n k till d a y l i g h t , e h , C h a r l e s ? ' C h a r l e s sits d o w n o n t h e s o f a , a n d G e o r g e o n a c h a i r . C h a r l e s k n o w s C a r r i e is b e h i n d t h e sofa. S h e is t r y i n g to escape. ' L o v e l y w e d d i n g , ' says G e o r g e . ' Y e s , ' says C h a r l e s , w o n d e r i n g h o w h e c a n g e t a w a y . T w a s at s c h o o l w i t h A n g u s ' s brother, Buffy. E x c e l l e n t m a n , t h o u g h h e l i k e d little b o y s t o o m u c h . Still, i t t a u g h t m e a f e w o f life's l e s s o n s . W h e r e d o y o u k n o w t h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m f r o m ? ' ' A n g u s a n d Laura? O h , f r o m university,' answers C h a r l e s . H e i s not exactly enjoying the conversation. 'Yes, yes,
excellent
place.
I
didn't
go
to
university
myself
t h o u g h . I w o r k i n t h e m o n e y m a r k e t s , y o u k n o w . W h a t g o o d are b o o k s t h e r e ? N o t m u c h a t all.' ' E x c u s e m e sir.' T h e w a i t e r i s b a c k a g a i n . H e h a s a m e s s a g e f o r C h a r l e s . ' Y o u r w i f e asks y o u t o g o u p s t a i r s a t o n c e . R o o m T w e l v e . S h e said that y o u m a y b e t o o d r u n k t o r e m e m b e r t h e n u m b e r . '
18
' M y w i f e ? ' asks C h a r l e s , i n s u r p r i s e . ' Y e s , sir,' t h e w a i t e r r e p l i e s . ' O h — y e s , o f c o u r s e , m y w i f e ! ' C h a r l e s says, a s h e u n d e r s t a n d s . ' Y o u m u s t b e d r u n k ! ' says G e o r g e . ' Y o u c a n ' t e v e n r e m e m b e r whether you've got a wife!' ' Y e s — will you excuse me?' ' O h yes, off y o u go! G o o d luck! Well, I haven't g o t a wife, so I'll g o a n d l o o k f o r t h a t K a t i e w o m a n . ' ' C a r r i e , ' says C h a r l e s . ' Y e s , that's t h e o n e . A f i n e g i r l . I t h i n k I m i g h t b e l u c k y t h e r e ! '
Upstairs, Charles k n o c k s o n the d o o r o f n u m b e r twelve. H e i s q u i t e n e r v o u s . C a r r i e o p e n s it. ' H i , ' s h e says. ' H e l l o . I ' m s o r r y a b o u t that.' ' N o , that's f i n e — i t w a s i m p o s s i b l e t o g e t r i d o f h i m . ' 'Yes — perhaps we s h o u l d just w a n d e r a b o u t up here for a bit, then go back down.' ' T h a t ' s a t h o u g h t , ' says C a r r i e . ' I d o n ' t u s u a l l y w a n d e r , b u t I can w a n d e r if I n e e d to. Do y o u w a n d e r a lot?' S h e is g e n t l y j o k i n g with him. ' N o , ' says C h a r l e s , still n e r v o u s , ' I ' m n o t r e a l l y a w a n d e r e r — I don't usually w a n d e r a lot b u t —' ' W e l l , ' C a r r i e says, ' w h y d o n ' t y o u c o m e i n a n d w a n d e r h e r e a little, a n d t h e n w e ' l l s e e ? ' S h e leads h i m i n t o the r o o m . 'It's s t r a n g e , ' s h e says. ' T h e b r i d e a n d b r i d e g r o o m d i d n ' t kiss i n the church. W h e r e I c o m e from, kissing is very popular.' 'Is it? Y e s , I t h i n k y o u ' r e r i g h t . ' C h a r l e s i s s p e a k i n g fast. ' I t h i n k E n g l i s h p e o p l e ar e p r o b a b l y m o r e s h y ' ' I always worry,' c o n t i n u e s C a r r i e , 'that I w o u l d g o t o o far i n the church — y o u
know, at the place in the marriage service
19
Carrie
kisses
Charles
on
the
mouth.
w h e r e t h e g r o o m c a n kiss t h e b r i d e . I m i g h t n o t s t o p a t k i s s i n g — ' ' H o w f a r i s t o o f a r ? ' asks C h a r l e s , c o m i n g v e r y c l o s e t o h e r . 'Oh, I
d o n ' t k n o w . ' S h e g i v e s h i m a v e r y s m a l l kiss o n t h e
c h e e k . ' T h a t w o u l d b e all r i g h t , I t h i n k . ' ' Y e s , ' says C h a r l e s . ' T h a t w o u l d b e f i n e . ' ' P e r h a p s it's n o t e n o u g h , ' says C a r r i e . ' M a y b e t h i s w o u l d b e better.' S h e kisses h i m o n t h e m o u t h . ' Y e s . B u t i t m i g h t b e d a n g e r o u s t o g o f u r t h e r , ' says C h a r l e s , nervous again. T h e n t h e y kiss f o r a l o n g t i m e . ' T h a t m i g h t b e t o o f a r . . . ' says C h a r l e s . ' A n d this?' asks C a r r i e . It is a f e w m i n u t e s later, a n d t h e y are in b e d , m a k i n g l o v e . ' D o y o u t h i n k t h e priest m i g h t b e a little bit w o r r i e d a b o u t this?'
20
' Y e s , ' says C h a r l e s . ' I t h i n k h e m i g h t b e . ' T h e y kiss a g a i n , a n d s p e n d t h e n i g h t t o g e t h e r .
The
pub
is
in
the
middle
of the
countryside.
It
looks
very
p e a c e f u l i n t h e m o r n i n g . C a r r i e g e t s u p first a n d p a c k s . W h e n Charles w a k e s up, she is already z i p p i n g up her bag. H e r face looks beautiful in the early m o r n i n g light. ' W h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g ? ' asks C h a r l e s . 'I have to go,' she answers. 'But w h e r e to?' 'To America.' ' T h a t ' s a t r a g e d y , ' h e says. 'But before
I
go, w h e n
are
you
going
to
tell
everybody?'
C a r r i e asks h i m . ' T e l l e v e r y b o d y ? ' C h a r l e s asks i n s u r p r i s e . ' T e l l t h e m w h a t ? ' ' W e l l , y o u ' l l tell t h e m that w e ' r e g o i n g t o g e t m a r r i e d , w o n ' t you?' 'Get married?' He is alarmed now. ' W e s l e p t t o g e t h e r last n i g h t — w e m a d e l o v e — s o t h a t m e a n s w e ' r e g e t t i n g m a r r i e d , doesn't it?' ' W e l l - yes — oh dear — we n e e d to t h i n k hard a b o u t this, y o u k n o w , ' h e says u n h a p p i l y . T h e n s u d d e n l y h e n o t i c e s she's s m i l i n g . ' O h , y o u ' r e j o k i n g ! ' h e says. ' T h a n k G o d !
For a moment, I
thought I was in one of those awful films. Y o u k n o w — the kind w h e r e the w o m a n spends a night w i t h a m a n and murders h i m if h e w o n ' t m a r r y her.' ' N o , ' says C a r r i e , g e n t l y . ' W e ' r e n o t i n o n e o f t h o s e f i l m s . B u t I think w e ' v e b o t h missed a great chance here. G o o d b y e ! ' S h e leaves t h e r o o m a n d C h a r l e s lies d o w n i n t h e b e d . H e looks thoughtful and confused.
21
Chapter 2 T h e Second Wedding You are invited to the wedding of Bernard and Lydia at noon on August
1st at the
Church
Cripplegate,
of St Mary London
of the Fields,
EC2
I t i s t h r e e m o n t h s later, a n d C h a r l e s ' s a l a r m c l o c k i s o n c e a g a i n r i n g i n g b y his b e d . C h a r l e s s t r e t c h e s o u t h i s h a n d a n d t u r n s i t off. H e g o e s b a c k t o sleep again. H e likes t o sleep until n o o n , w h e n e v e r h e c a n . S c a r l e t t i s still a s l e e p i n h e r u n t i d y b e d r o o m . S o m e t i m e later, t h e r e i s a l o u d s h o u t f r o m C h a r l e s ' s r o o m . H e has w o k e n u p , a t last. ' O h hell!' H e j u m p s o u t o f b e d , a n d runs i n t o Scarlett, dressed o n l y i n his u n d e r c l o t h e s . ' O h G o d ! ' says S c a r l e t t , w h e n s h e l o o k s a t h e r c l o c k . T h e y r u n o u t of the h o u s e before they have finished putting on their formal w e d d i n g clothes. Scarlett is trying to p u t on a silly p i n k dress w i t h a n e n o r m o u s skirt, b u t s h e can't z i p i t u p right. S h e is g o i n g to be a bridesmaid. ' C a r o r t a x i ? ' s h e a s k s , still r u n n i n g . ' T a x i , ' says C h a r l e s . ' W e w o n ' t b e a b l e t o p a r k t h e car.' T h e y g e t t o t h e c o r n e r o f t h e s t r e e t a n d start l o o k i n g f o r a taxi. B u t t h e r e isn't o n e a n y w h e r e . ' W e l l , m a y b e t h e c a r i s a b e t t e r i d e a , ' says C h a r l e s . T h e y r u s h d o w n a n o t h e r s t r e e t t o f i n d S c a r l e t t ' s car. B u t w h e n they get there, it can't be m o v e d . Scarlett must have parked it in the w r o n g place and the wheels have b e e n locked by the police. 'Damn!' they both shout at once. T h e y w i l l h a v e t o g o o n f o o t . T h e y r u n a s fast a s t h e y c a n . ' T h e s e r v i c e w i l l start b e f o r e w e g e t there,' C h a r l e s t h i n k s t o himself.
22
Charles and Scarlett get to the taxi.
But
corner
there
of the street and start looking for a
isn't one
anywhere.
T h e s k i r t s o f S c a r l e t t ' s silly p i n k dress fly u p i n t h e w i n d a n d , a s s h e r u n s , a p i e c e o f t h e d r e s s falls off. C h a r l e s i s g o i n g t o s t o p a n d p i c k i t u p , b u t S c a r l e t t says, ' L e a v e it! N o b o d y w i l l n o t i c e ! ' T h e y r u n all t h e w a y t o t h e c h u r c h , a n d a s t h e y g e t n e a r , t h e y can
hear
the
bells
ringing
loudly.
Some
of their
friends
are
already there - Fiona, M a t t h e w , G a r e t h and D a v i d . ' S o r r y I ' m late,' says C h a r l e s . ' T h e traffic w a s a w f u l . ' T h e y all l o o k a t h i m ; n o b o d y b e l i e v e s h i m a t all. ' Y e s , w e l l — ' says C h a r l e s . ' N o w , w h o ' s g e t t i n g m a r r i e d t o d a y ? ' H e reads t h e w e d d i n g card, p r e t e n d i n g that h e d o e s n ' t k n o w .
23
T h e y all g o i n t o t h e c h u r c h , w h e r e t h e w e d d i n g i s a b o u t t o start. A
young
priest
comes
in,
looking
worried
and
nervous.
It's
F a t h e r G e r a l d , w h o t h e y m e t a t t h e last w e d d i n g r e c e p t i o n . H e ' s f i n i s h e d h i s s t u d y i n g , a n d n o w h e ' s a real p r i e s t . Today T o m
is
best
man. He
has
remembered
to
bring the
rings, o n e e a c h for the b r i d e a n d g r o o m . H e takes t h e m o u t o f his p o c k e t a n d s h o w s t h e m t o C h a r l e s , h o l d i n g t h e m u p t o his eyes like a pair of glasses. C h a r l e s smiles a n d w a v e s at h i m . A s t h e w e d d i n g m u s i c starts, t h e b r i d e a n d h e r b r i d e s m a i d s enter the c h u r c h . T h e b r i d e , o f course, i s Lydia, w h o f i r s t kissed h e r b r i d e g r o o m , B e r n a r d , a t t h e last w e d d i n g r e c e p t i o n . T h e r e ar e f o u r b r i d e s m a i d s . T w o are little girls a n d t w o are w o m e n . O n e o f t h e m i s S c a r l e t t . A s s h e w a l k s u p t h e aisle, e v e r y o n e c a n s e e h e r b r i g h t b l u e u n d e r c l o t h e s . T h e p i e c e o f h e r d r e s s t h a t fell o f f h a s l e f t a l a r g e h o l e i n t h e b a c k o f h e r d r e s s ! S c a r l e t t i s still w e a r i n g h e r sunglasses t o o — she l o o k s quite strange! S h e takes t h e m off just as they reach the priest. B e r n a r d is standing there by the priest, w a i t i n g for his b r i d e . Father
Gerald
begins
to
read
the
words
of the
marriage
service. U n f o r t u n a t e l y , b e c a u s e h e i s v e r y n e r v o u s , h e gets s o m e o f the w o r d s w r o n g . E v e r y b o d y bursts o u t l a u g h i n g . 'It's h i s f i r s t w e d d i n g , y o u see,' M a t t h e w w h i s p e r s t o C h a r l e s . ' H e ' s a f r i e n d of t h e family.' ' A h . E x c e l l e n t , ' says C h a r l e s . H e f i n d s i t v e r y a m u s i n g . F a t h e r G e r a l d calls B e r n a r d ' L y d i a ' b y m i s t a k e . A n d w h e n h e d o e s g e t t h e g r o o m ' s n a m e r i g h t , h e d o e s n ' t k n o w h o w t o say B e r n a r d ' s m i d d l e n a m e . It's w r i t t e n ' S t J o h n ' a n d s p o k e n a s ' S i n j u n ' . ' . . . B e r n a r d G e o f f r e y S i j j j j j j e r n D e l a n e y ' says F a t h e r G e r a l d , h u r r i e d l y . E v e r y o n e i s s m i l i n g . T h i s i s all v e r y e n t e r t a i n i n g . N o w , as the priest speaks, the bride and g r o o m have to repeat t h e s a m e w o r d s after h i m . ' I B e r n a r d D e l a n e y — ' says F a t h e r G e r a l d , l e a v i n g o u t t h e S t J o h n part n o w . ' D o take y o u , Lydia Jane H i b b o t t , t o b e m y awful
24
w e d d e d w i f e . ' T h i s i s n o t w h a t h e s h o u l d say a t all!
He is so
n e r v o u s that he's g e t t i n g the w o r d s m i x e d u p ! 'To
be
my
lawful w e d d e d w i f e , ' B e r n a r d says. T h e s e
are
the
w o r d s F a t h e r G e r a l d s h o u l d h a v e said. ' T h a t ' s r i g h t . T h a t ' s r i g h t , ' says F a t h e r G e r a l d . H e d o e s n ' t k n o w exactly w h a t he's d o i n g n o w , b u t s o m e h o w t h e y g e t t o the e n d o f the service. 'Well done!' shouts Gareth, clapping, and the others c o p y h i m. It's l i k e
b e i n g at the
theatre, a n d after t h e
service, e v e r y b o d y
congratulates the priest. G e r a l d is v e r y pleased w i t h himself, and i s s m i l i n g t o o , n o w t h a t it's all o v e r .
T h e reception is being held in an elegant L o n d o n
hotel. T h e
guests s e e m t o b e f r o m r i c h , u p p e r - c l a s s families. A l l t h e m e n are w e a r i n g f o r m a l w e d d i n g coats, a n d t h e w o m e n are i n e x p e n s i v e dresses. L y d i a , t h e b r i d e , i s i n a n e x c e l l e n t m o o d ; s h e i s l a u g h i n g and
kissing
Matthew
the
have
guests already
as
they
found
arrive.
the
Charles,
drinks. T h e y
Gareth are
used
and to
weddings, and k n o w exactly w h a t to do. 'Do
you
know what
I
think
about
m a r r i a g e ? ' asks
Gareth.
' T w o p e o p l e are i n l o v e . T h e y l i v e t o g e t h e r , t h e n s u d d e n l y t h e y can't t h i n k o f a n y t h i n g t o say t o e a c h o t h e r . T h e y ' r e w o r r i e d — w h a t are t h e y g o i n g t o d o ? T h e n t h e m a n h a s a n i d e a . ' ' W h a t ? ' asks C h a r l e s . ' T h e y ' l l g e t m a r r i e d ! A n d t h e n t h e y ' v e g o t s o m e t h i n g t o talk a b o u t f o r t h e rest o f t h e i r l i v e s . ' 'So
-
people
get
married
when
they
can't
communicate
properly any m o r e . Is that w h a t you're s a y i n g ? ' . ' Y e s , that's r i g h t . T o m ! ' T o m , t h e b e s t m a n , h a s c o m e t o j o i n them. 'How's the speech?' 'Fine — g o o d , I think. S o m e t h i n g for e v e r y o n e - yes, the j o k e s w i l l raise a f e w s m i l e s , a n d t h e r e s h o u l d b e a f e w tears t o o , ' T o m says.
25
' E x c e l l e n t ! ' says G a r e t h . 'It's a n i n t e r e s t i n g i d e a , G a r e t h , ' says C h a r l e s . ' O f course,
there's
another
idea.
Some
people
think
that
w e d d i n g s a r e a b o u t t r u e l o v e , ' says M a t t h e w , l o o k i n g a t G a r e t h . ' W e l l , that's listened
a
thought,'
seriously;
Charles
Charles is
very
replies
lightly. B u t
confused
about
he
has
love
and
marriage at the m o m e n t . T h e r e c e p t i o n i s v e r y b u s y n o w , full o f w e l l - d r e s s e d guests w h o are d r i n k i n g a n d c h a t t i n g , l a u g h i n g a n d calling t o o n e a n o t h e r . C h a r l e s i s j u s t f e t c h i n g t h r e e m o r e d r i n k s , w h e n a v o i c e says, ' H i . ' H e t u r n s r o u n d . It's C a r r i e . S h e l o o k s w o n d e r f u l . ' H e l l o , ' says C h a r l e s , a n d n e a r l y d r o p s t h e d r i n k s . ' H o w are y o u ? ' asks C a r r i e . 'Fine. Fine. S o r r y — I ' m so surprised, and so pleased to see y o u . D o n ' t g o b a c k t o A m e r i c a ! P l e a s e ! W a i t h e r e — I'll b e b a c k i n t w o seconds. O K ? ' ' O K , ' she smiles. He rushes b a c k to the others. 'That's
yours. A n d
that's
yours,' he
says, g i v i n g
them
their
d r i n k s . ' S e e y o u i n five h o u r s . ' ' H a s s o m e t h i n g h a p p e n e d ? ' asks G a r e t h . ' Y e s — y e s — this is a g r e a t w e d d i n g , y o u k n o w ! ' B u t w h e n h e finds C a r r i e again, things d o n ' t g o q u i t e a s h e planned. ' H i . Y o u l o o k p e r f e c t . I n f a c t , y o u p r o b a b l y are p e r f e c t . H o w are y o u ? ' ' I ' m r e a l l y w e l l . C h a r l e s , I'd l i k e y o u t o m e e t H a m i s h . H a m i s h a n d I are g o i n g to g e t m a r r i e d . ' T h i s i s a h o r r i b l e s h o c k f o r C h a r l e s , b u t h e t r i e s t o h i d e it. 'Excellent, excellent. I'm happy to meet you, Hamish. Lovely surprise t o find C a r r i e b a c k i n this c o u n t r y again.' H a m i s h i s a n e l e g a n t a n d c o n f i d e n t m a n o f a b o u t fifty. H e i s Scottish.
26
'Yes, w e l l , it w a s n ' t easy! I h a d to w o r k h a r d — she d i d n ' t w a n t t o c o m e a t first. C o m e o n , C a r r i e d e a r , I w a n t y o u t o m e e t J a m e s . He's w a i t i n g for us over there. H e ' l l think that I can't c o n t r o l y o u a t all, i f w e d o n ' t g o a n d f i n d h i m n o w ! ' H e h o l d s o u t h i s h a n d t o C a r r i e , a n d she takes it. ' I ' l l s e e y o u later,' s h e says i n a f r i e n d l y w a y t o C h a r l e s , a s s h e walks away w i t h H a m i s h . Charles is shocked and very unhappy. He is unhappy about Carrie, of course, but w h y is
he
so
very u n h a p p y ?
He
doesn't
quite understand h i m s e l f at the m o m e n t . He doesn't feel in the m o o d t o j o i n i n w i t h t h e p a r t y a n y m o r e , a n d h e sits d o w n a l o n e . Later, M a t t h e w c o m e s u p t o talk t o h i m . ' H o w are y o u d o i n g , C h a r l e s ? ' M a t t h e w asks. ' A c t u a l l y , n o t g r e a t , ' says C h a r l e s . ' N o t g r e a t a t all, really. I d o n ' t k n o w — what's h a p p e n i n g here? W h y am I always at w e d d i n g s but never getting married? W h a t does it mean?' Y o u ' r e n o t s m a r t e n o u g h , ' says M a t t h e w . ' O r p e r h a p s i t c o u l d b e b e c a u s e y o u h a v e n ' t m e t t h e r i g h t girl.' ' A h , b u t i s that r i g h t ? ' C h a r l e s asks. ' M a y b e I h a v e m e t t h e r i g h t g i r l . M a y b e I m e e t t h e r i g h t g i r l s all t h e t i m e . M a y b e it's m e - I'm the problem.' ' O h , r u b b i s h ! ' says M a t t h e w .
A n d t h e n it's t i m e f o r d i n n e r . E v e r y o n e h a s b e e n t o l d t o l o o k a t a w r i t t e n t a b l e p l a n t o f i n d o u t w h e r e t h e y h a v e t o sit. I t h a s all b e e n o r g a n i z e d v e r y carefully. 'Come
o n , ' says
Matthew, 'you'll probably m e e t y o u r future
w i f e at dinner.' Charles looks
at the
table
plan. ' O h
my
doesn't tell M a t t h e w w h y h e i s s o a l a r m e d . •
27
God!' he
says, b u t
F i o n a is already sitting at a n o t h e r table, n e x t to an upper-class o l d e r w o m a n w h o i s w e a r i n g a b r i g h t b l u e dress a n d a b r i g h t b l u e hat. H e r n a m e i s M r s B e a u m o n t . ' A r e y o u m a r r i e d ? ' s h e asks F i o n a i m m e d i a t e l y 'No.' Fiona answers. ' D o y o u p r e f e r w o m e n ? ' asks M r s B e a u m o n t . ' G o o d G o d ! ' says F i o n a . ' W h a t m a d e y o u say t h a t ? ' ' W e l l , it's a p o s s i b i l i t y t h e s e d a y s , i s n ' t i t ? ' M r s B e a u m o n t says. ' A n d it's a n i n t e r e s t i n g o n e . It's v e r y b o r i n g i f y o u j u s t say, " O h , dear, I've n e v e r f o u n d t h e r i g h t m a n ! ' " Fiona laughs. ' Q u i t e right. W h y b e boring?' ' T h a n k y o u , ' says M r s B e a u m o n t . ' W e l l , ' F i o n a c o n t i n u e s , ' I h a v e m e t t h e r i g h t p e r s o n , y o u see. B u t he's n o t in l o v e w i t h m e . U n t i l I stop l o v i n g h i m , I can't g e t interested in other men.' ' B a d l u c k , ' says h e r n e w f r i e n d . ' Y e s , i s n ' t i t ? ' says F i o n a . ' I d i d g o w i t h a n o t h e r g i r l o n c e , a t s c h o o l — b u t it was o n l y for a b o u t fifteen m i n u t e s . I d o n ' t t h i n k that really m e a n s a n y t h i n g , d o y o u ? '
C h a r l e s h a s n o w f o u n d h i s t a b l e , a n d sits d o w n w i t h t w o m e n a n d f o u r y o u n g w o m e n , w h o a r e all a t t r a c t i v e a n d a b o u t t h e s a m e age as h i m . His brother D a v i d is there too. Charles looks very embarrassed and uncomfortable. ' H i , ' says C h a r l e s t o o n e o f t h e m e n . ' H e l l o , I ' m Alistair. Y o u k n o w V e r o n i c a , d o n ' t y o u ? ' ' Y e s , ' says Nicki!
Charles, v e r y n e r v o u s now. 'Yes — hello Vee!
Hi,
G r e a t t o see y o u . ' H e c a n see C a r r i e o n a n o t h e r table.
She's l a u g h i n g w i t h M a t t h e w and Gareth. Charles w o u l d m u c h rather be at their table. A l i s t a i r s e e m s t o b e g i v i n g t h e m all a l e s s o n o n t e a . ' T h e r e a r e a b o u t f o u r h u n d r e d d i f f e r e n t k i n d s o f t e a , a n d all t h e f r u i t teas a s
28
w e l l . I t o o k V e r o n i c a o u t to India at C h r i s t m a s to see the places w h e r e t h e y g r o w it.' ' E x c e l l e n t , ' says C h a r l e s . ' Y o u and Veronica w e n t to India together, didn't y o u Charles?' Alistair asks. 'That's
right,'
Charles
answers.
So
Veronica
was
once
a
girlfriend of Charles's. ' C h a r l e s w a s h o r r i b l e , ' says V e r o n i c a . ' I w a s r e a l l y ill, a n d h e j u s t j o k e d all t h e t i m e . ' 'I was o n l y t r y i n g to m a k e y o u feel better, Vee.' ' O h , y o u ' r e that V e r o n i c a , ' says N i c k i . ' W h i c h Veronica?' Veronica
asks. ' C h a r l i e
—
what
have
you
b e e n saying?' She's w o r r i e d t o o now. B u t Charles doesn't w a n t to answer the question. ' R e m e m b e r B o m b a y ? ' h e asks b r i g h t l y . N i c k i continues. ' W h e n Charles and I w e r e g o i n g o u t together,' - s o she's a n o t h e r o l d g i r l f r i e n d o f his — ' h e t o l d m e a b o u t t h i s "interesting" j o u r n e y
he'd
taken
round
India
with
"Vomiting
V e r o n i c a " . Y e s , I t h i n k that's r i g h t . I ' m s u r e that's w h a t h e c a l l e d her.' ' D i d I r e a l l y s a y t h a t ? ' asks C h a r l e s q u i c k l y . ' N o I d o n ' t t h i n k so - ' 'Oh
come
o n , C h a r l e s , ' says
Martha, w h o
is
old
girlfriend
n u m b e r three at the table. ' Y o u c o u l d n e v e r k e e p a secret. Y o u ' r e hopeless.' C h a r l e s is certainly in a h o r r i b l e mess n o w . ' M a r t h a , that's n o t q u i t e t r u e — ' ' I ' m s u r e i t is, C h a r l e s , ' says N i c k i . 'I remember another thing you
told me,' M a r t h a
continues.
' A b o u t a girlfriend that y o u had called H e l e n a . H e r m o t h e r liked y o u too. S h e w a n t e d t o g o t o b e d w i t h y o u ! Y o u told m e that y o u didn't k n o w w h a t t o d o . " W o u l d i t b e r u d e t o refuse h e r ? " y o u asked y o u r s e l f ' T h a t ' s r i g h t ! ' adds N i c k i . ' Y o u said t h a t t h e y w e r e b o t h a s fat
29
as pigs! M r s Piggy, and Miss P i g g y —' ' I t h i n k p e r h a p s — ' says C h a r l e s , b u t t h e t h r e e g i r l s are l a u g h i n g loudly and they're not listening to him. Finally, t h e f o u r t h
girl, w h o
is
sitting quietly n e x t to
him,
s p e a k s . ' W e ' v e b o t h l o s t w e i g h t s i n c e t h e n , m y m o t h e r a n d I,' s h e says, t a k i n g a n o t h e r c h o c o l a t e . I t i s a d i s a s t e r f o r C h a r l e s . B u t f o r t u n a t e l y it's n o w t i m e f o r t h e speeches. ' A h - g r e a t — s p e e c h e s ! ' h e says. A t l e a s t t h e y c a n ' t t a l k a b o u t h i m a n y m o r e u n t i l later. E v e r y o n e claps T o m a s h e stands up. 'Yes — w h e n B e r n a r d told me he was getting married to Lydia, I c o n g r a t u l a t e d h i m . A l l his o t h e r g i r l f r i e n d s w e r e real d o g s , y o u see! A n d o f c o u r s e , I ' m d e l i g h t e d t o see s o m a n y o f t h e m here this e v e n i n g . . . ' It is a terrible speech, but T o m thinks he is d o i n g well. So does G a r e t h ! H e s e e m s t o e n j o y really awful things. ' C a m i l l a i s o n e o f t h e m — it's l o v e l y t o s e e y o u a g a i n , C a m i l l a ! S h e w a s t h e first p e r s o n w h o B e r n a r d w a n t e d t o m a r r y . S h e t o l d h i m t o g o t o h e l l ! It's l u c k y f o r L y d i a t h a t s h e d i d ! ' When
the
d i n n e r a n d the f o r m a l parts
o f t h e r e c e p t i o n are
over, C h a r l e s a n d his friends are free t o m e e t u p again. T h e y f i n d s o m e c o m f o r t a b l e s o f a s , a n d sit d o w n t o g e t h e r t o c h a t . Gareth is talking about the w e d d i n g dinner. For once, he is not b e i n g rude. ' W e h a d a lovely girl at o u r table — C a r r i e . She's g o i n g to m a r r y a m a n called H a m i s h . He's v e r y rich and o w n s half of S c o t l a n d . S o , h o w a r e y o u ? ' h e asks C h a r l e s . 'This
is
the
wedding
from
hell!'
Charles
answers.
'Old
g i r l f r i e n d s e v e r y w h e r e . I'll p r o b a b l y m e e t H e n r i e t t a n e x t . T h a t ' l l really finish the day off for m e ! ' ' H e l l o , C h a r l e s , ' a v o i c e says f r o m b e h i n d h i m . It's H e n r i e t t a a n d , o f c o u r s e , she's also o n e o f C h a r l e s ' s o l d g i r l f r i e n d s . C h a r l e s s e e m s t o h a v e n o l u c k a t all t o d a y . H e n r i e t t a i s a tall, d a r k g i r l , a n d
30
she i s u s u a l l y q u i t e attractive. B u t n o w h e r f a c e i s w h i t e , a n d s h e looks very unhappy. Charles is feeling bad, but Henrietta seems to feel e v e n w o r s e . ' H e l l o , H e n , h o w a r e y o u ? ' says
Charles
brightly, trying to
p r e t e n d t h a t e v e r y t h i n g i s all r i g h t . H e h o p e s t h a t s h e d i d n o t h e a r h i s last f e w w o r d s . S h e is silent for a m o m e n t , t h e n she bursts i n t o tears. ' O h , H e n , ' says C h a r l e s , s y m p a t h e t i c a l l y . H e l e n a j u m p s u p f r o m the sofa i n a t e m p e r . ' W h y can't y o u just leave her alone? Haven't y o u hurt her e n o u g h ? ' S h e leads H e n r i e t t a away. C h a r l e s g e t s u p . ' E x c u s e m e , ' h e says t o G a r e t h . ' I t h i n k I a m a w a l k i n g d i s a s t e r a t t h e m o m e n t . I t h i n k I'd b e t t e r g o a w a y a n d b e alone.'
B u t n o t e v e r y o n e is h a v i n g a bad time. D a v i d , Charles's brother, is talking to Serena, the pretty girl w h o was interested in h i m at the last w e d d i n g r e c e p t i o n . S h e h a s b e e n h o p i n g t o m e e t h i m a g a i n , and
has
started
to
learn
sign
language
so
that
she
can
communicate with him. She signs h e r n a m e . ' I ' m S - e - r - e - n - a . ' D a v i d smiles sweetly at her. 'Hello,' h e signs b a c k . ' I ' m j u s t l e a r n i n g , ' says S e r e n a w i t h h e r h a n d s . ' I ' m p r o b a b l y m a k i n g lots of mistakes.' S h e certainly is — she signs 'tols' instead o f 'lots', and 'nistakes', instead o f mistakes. B u t D a v i d doesn't w a n t t o c o r r e c t her. H e shakes his h e a d a n d smiles a g a i n . ' N o , p e r f e c t . P e r f e c t , ' h e tells h e r . ' W o u l d y o u l i k e t o d a n c e ? ' 'Yes, that w o u l d b e nice,' Serena replies. T h e y g o o f f together, l o o k i n g v e r y happy.
31
C h a r l e s is in a b e d r o o m upstairs. It s e e m s to be e m p t y — the d o o r w a s o p e n , b u t t h e r e w a s n o b o d y inside, j u s t a suit h a n g i n g u p o n a c u p b o a r d d o o r . It's d a r k n o w , b u t h e d o e s n ' t t u r n t h e l i g h t o n . H e g o e s t o t h e w i n d o w a n d l o o k s d o w n o n t o t h e street b e l o w . H e j u s t s t a n d s t h e r e q u i e t l y , g l a d t o b e a l o n e i n a c a l m r o o m . B u t after a m i n u t e o r t w o , h e sees C a r r i e d o w n t h e r e . S h e ' s c o m i n g o u t o f the hotel w i t h H a m i s h . T h e y have their arms around each other a n d l o o k v e r y happy. T h e y g e t i n t o a taxi together. C h a r l e s w a t c h e s t h e m u n h a p p i l y a s t h e y d r i v e off. H e s e e m s t o b e v e r y d e p r e s s e d . T h e n the d o o r opens, and B e r n a r d and Lydia c o m e in, kissing noisily. T h e y are s o i n t e r e s t e d i n e a c h o t h e r that t h e y d o n ' t n o t i c e C h a r l e s . T h e y a r e still d r e s s e d f o r t h e w e d d i n g — L y d i a i n h e r bride's dress, a n d B e r n a r d in his suit. T h i s is their r o o m , t h e place w h e r e t h e y are g o i n g t o c h a n g e i n t o t h e i r o t h e r c l o t h e s b e f o r e they go away on their h o n e y m o o n . B u t t h e y ' r e n o t r e a d y t o c h a n g e y e t . T h e y are a b o u t t o h a v e sex on
the
bed. Charles
wonders
how
he
can
escape, and
he
b e g i n s t o try t o w a l k f r o m the w i n d o w t o the d o o r very, v e r y quietly. Then
suddenly
Lydia
cries, 'Wait a minute! This
isn't
good
e n o u g h ! I w a n t to see my lovely husband!' S h e t u r n s o n t h e l i g h t . S h e i s l y i n g o n t o p o f B e r n a r d — s h e still h a s h e r dress o n , b u t C h a r l e s k n o w s w h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g u n d e r n e a t h it. L u c k i l y , t h e y d o n ' t s e e C h a r l e s . B u t h e c a n ' t g e t p a s t t h e m t o t h e d o o r . T h e n h e sees a n o t h e r d o o r n e a r e r t o h i m , s o h e o p e n s i t a n d g o e s t h r o u g h i t a s fast a s h e c a n . O h , n o ! It's o n l y a k i n d o f v e r y small w a s h r o o m — no m o r e t h a n a c u p b o a r d , really! T h e r e ' s almost
no
room
in
it
for
Charles!
He
waits
there;
it's
very
u n c o m f o r t a b l e , a n d i t s e e m s t o h i m that h e has t o w a i t for h o u r s .
D o w n s t a i r s , t h e o t h e r g u e s t s ar e e n j o y i n g t h e m s e l v e s . S e v e r a l o f them
are
d a n c i n g to
the
lively music. Scarlett
32
is
sitting in a
strange place, like C h a r l e s upstairs. She's u n d e r a table w i t h o n e o f t h e small b r i d e s m a i d s . T h e y are b o t h d a n c i n g t o t h e m u s i c b u t only using their hands for the d a n c i n g m o v e m e n t s . ' H a v e y o u g o t a b o y f r i e n d ? ' S c a r l e t t asks t h e l i t t l e g i r l , w h o s e n a m e is Freda. ' Y e s , ' says F r e d a . ' W h a t ' s his n a m e ? ' ' D o l p h . He's g o o d at table-tennis. A n d y o u ? ' ' N o . N o boyfriend.' ' W h y not?' ' I d o n ' t k n o w , ' says S c a r l e t t , a l i t t l e u n h a p p i l y . ' W h e n I l i k e m e n , they don't s e e m t o like m e . T h e y think I'm stupid. T h e n , the o n e s w h o l i k e m e — w e l l , I t h i n k they're s t u p i d ! I d o n ' t w a n t t o g o out w i t h t h e m . S o that doesn't g e t m e a n y w h e r e , d o e s it?'
U p s t a i r s , i n t h e b e d r o o m , t i m e p a s s e s . L y d i a a n d B e r n a r d a r e still m a k i n g l o v e , v e r y noisily. C h a r l e s i s sitting on t h e basin in the w a s h r o o m . H e l o o k s a t his w a t c h . ' G o d , are
they
going
to
finish
soon?' he
wonders.
If he'd
k n o w n they w e r e g o i n g to take so l o n g , he w o u l d n ' t have h i d d e n there. ' O h - I love my w i f e ! ' cries B e r n a r d . 'I-love-my-husband!' screams Lydia. T h e y finish. A f t e r a q u i e t m o m e n t o r t w o B e r n a r d says, ' W e ' d better go downstairs n o w , I suppose.' C h a r l e s n o d s . ' Y e s ! Y e s ! ' h e says s i l e n t l y t o h i m s e l f . ' O r , ' says L y d i a , ' w e
c o u l d w a i t a f e w m i n u t e s — a n d start
again!' ' N o , n o ! ' C h a r l e s s h a k e s his h e a d i n s i d e t h e c u p b o a r d . H e r e a l l y c a n ' t stay t h e r e a n y l o n g e r , s o h e o p e n s t h e d o o r . H e w a l k s p a s t L y d i a a n d B e r n a r d w h o a r e still l y i n g o n t h e b e d . T h e y are a m a z e d a n d stare a t h i m i n g r e a t s u r p r i s e , b u t h e p r e t e n d s t h a t
33
it's n o t s t r a n g e a t all. H e h o l d s u p a p e n c i l a s h e w a l k s t o w a r d s t h e d o o r o f the r o o m . ' I f o u n d it!' h e says, a n d g o e s o u t .
B u t his t r o u b l e s are n o t over. H e n r i e t t a i s o u t s i d e . ' C h a r l e s , w e m u s t t a l k , ' s h e says f i r m l y . ' R i g h t , r i g h t , ' h e says w o u l d rather talk t o
pleasantly.
Is this a b a d d r e a m ? B u t he
H e n r i e t t a t h a n stay i n t h e b e d r o o m w i t h
Bernard and Lydia! T h e y start w a l k i n g d o w n s t a i r s t o g e t h e r . ' T h e t h i n g is, C h a r l i e , I ' v e s p o k e n t o l o t s o f p e o p l e a b o u t y o u . ' ' O h , G o d ! ' says C h a r l e s . ' A n d e v e r y o n e a g r e e s that y o u ' r e i n real t r o u b l e , C h a r l e s , ' she c o n t i n u e s seriously. ' A m I?' h e asks. ' Y o u see, y o u h a v e o n e g i r l f r i e n d after a n o t h e r , b u t y o u d o n ' t l o v e a n y o f t h e m . Y o u n e v e r l e t a w o m a n g e t c l o s e t o y o u a t all.' ' N o , n o , H e n , it's n o t l i k e t h a t — ' says C h a r l e s . B u t it's n o g o o d . H e n r i e t t a c o n t i n u e s , ' Y o u ' r e n i c e t o t h e m , sweet to t h e m — y o u were sweet to me, though you thought I w a s stupid.' 'I didn't.' 'Yes y o u did. Y o u don't give people a chance. W h e n e v e r y o u h a v e a n e w g i r l f r i e n d , y o u t h i n k , " I m u s t n ' t fall i n l o v e . I m u s t n ' t get married.'" ' H e n , y o u k n o w m e ! I d o n ' t t h i n k like that! M o s t o f the t i m e - w e l l , I d o n ' t t h i n k at all!' 'Oh,
Charlie!'
Henrietta
suddenly
throws
her
arms
around
h i m . ' T h e w a y y o u u s e d to l o o k at m e ! I t h o u g h t - I t h o u g h t that you were
going to
ask m e
to
marry you!
But you were
only
t h i n k i n g a b o u t h o w t o leave m e . O h - this i s a w f u l ! ' S h e w a l k s away. S h e i s v e r y upset. C h a r l e s j u s t stands there. H e
34
can't m o v e . Actually, h e doesn't k n o w w h a t t o d o . T h e n h e turns r o u n d a n d sees C a r r i e b e h i n d h i m . ' A r e y o u h a v i n g a g o o d t i m e ? ' she asks h i m . 'Oh,
yes,
of course!
Wonderful
—
better
than
my
father's
f u n e r a l ! R e a l l y e n t e r t a i n i n g ! ' C h a r l e s says. ' I t h o u g h t y o u ' d g o n e . ' ' N o - H a m i s h is g o i n g on the n i g h t train to E d i n b u r g h . I just w e n t w i t h h i m to the station. B u t I am leaving now. Do y o u w a n t to come with me?' So
Charles
and
Carrie
drive
off together through
the late-
n i g h t s t r e e t s o f L o n d o n . T h e t a x i t a k e s t h e m t o C a r r i e ' s flat. ' A r e y o u c o m i n g u p f o r a d r i n k ? ' s h e asks C h a r l e s . ' A r e y o u s u r e ? ' h e asks. H e l o o k s r a t h e r d o u b t f u l a b o u t t h e situation. 'Yes
-
I
think
we
can
take
a
chance!'
she j o k e s . 'You're
a t t r a c t i v e — b u t I c a n still r e f u s e y o u , n o p r o b l e m ! Y o u ' r e n o t s o attractive, y o u k n o w ! ' Charles
is
not
feeling very
confident
after
all
the
horrible
things that have h a p p e n e d today, so he doesn't share the j o k e . ' O K . Y e s . G r e a t . ' h e says, w i t h o u t a s m i l e . B u t a s s o o n a s t h e y a r e t o g e t h e r i n C a r r i e ' s flat, it's l i k e t h e last t i m e t h a t t h e y m e t . T h e y k i s s , a n d b e c o m e l o v e r s a g a i n . T h e y are both very happy to be w i t h each other, and they spend the night t o g e t h e r . B u t C a r r i e i s still g o i n g t o m a r r y H a m i s h . C h a r l e s h a s left i t all t o o l a t e . I n t h e e a r l y m o r n i n g , C h a r l e s g e t s u p first. H e p u t s o n h i s formal w e d d i n g suit again; h e d o e s n ' t h a v e a n y o t h e r c l o t h e s w i t h him. He l o o k s at C a r r i e for a l o n g m o m e n t , a n d she l o o k s b a c k at him. She is very beautiful. T h e y s e e m to be in love and Charles doesn't w a n t t o g o . Finally, h e t u r n s a n d leaves t h e r o o m quietly. What w o u l d have happened to the couple if Charles hadn't been so c o n f u s e d ?
35
Chapter 3
A Free Saturday
It is n e a r l y n o o n on Saturday, S e p t e m b e r the b e d , asleep
as
usual. T h e
door
opens, and
1st. C h a r l e s i s i n Scarlett
comes
in,
c a r r y i n g cups a n d plates and the m o r n i n g letters. ' G o o d m o r n i n g , C h a r l e s . I've b r o u g h t u s s o m e breakfast. S o r r y t h e toast's a b i t b u r n t . ' She
sits
down
on
the
edge
of the
bed. Charles
wakes
up.
Scarlett p o u r s t h e tea a n d spreads b u t t e r o n t h e toast. T h e y eat breakfast t o g e t h e r comfortably. ' W h a t a r e y o u g o i n g t o d o t o d a y ? ' s h e asks h i m . ' W e l l , ' says C h a r l e s , ' t o d a y i s a d a y w i t h o u t a w e d d i n g . A f r e e Saturday!* T h e o n l y t h i n g that I have to do is to m e e t D a v i d . I m u s t n ' t b e late for h i m . ' H e p i c k s u p a large w h i t e e n v e l o p e a n d o p e n s it. ' I t h i n k I'll l o o k f o r a j o b t o d a y , ' says S c a r l e t t . ' I h e a r d a b o u t o n e t h e o t h e r day, a s a s h o p assistant. Y o u h a v e t o sell s t r a n g e c l o t h e s t o s t r a n g e p e o p l e . I t h i n k I'd b e g o o d a t it.' B u t C h a r l e s isn't c o n c e n t r a t i n g . H e i s s t u d y i n g t h e card i n t h e envelope. He looks rather upset. ' A r e y o u all r i g h t ? ' S c a r l e t t asks h i m . 'It's t h a t g i r l , C a r r i e - d o y o u r e m e m b e r ? T h e A m e r i c a n g i r l . It's t h e i n v i t a t i o n t o h e r w e d d i n g . '
T h e i n v i t a t i o n a l s o tells g u e s t s t h e a d d r e s s o f t h e s h o p w h e r e t h e y can b u y presents for the b r i d e and g r o o m . T h i s is another c u s t o m f o r s o m e p e o p l e i n E n g l a n d . I t s e e m s t h a t C h a r l e s i s still g o i n g t o s p e n d his t i m e t o d a y o n w e d d i n g s .
* In Britain, most weddings happen on a Saturday.
36
But 'It's
Charles isn't concentrating. He is studying the card in that girl,
Carrie — do you invitation
the envelope.
remember? The American girl. It's the to
her wedding.'
T h e s h o p i s h o r r i b l y e x p e n s i v e . T h e r e are h a n d m a d e c a r p e t s , there is furniture f r o m different parts of t h e w o r l d , a n d the place i s f u l l o f all k i n d s o f u n u s u a l a n d b e a u t i f u l t h i n g s . T h e s h o p assistant i s a l s o v e r y e l e g a n t . S h e l o o k s d o w n h e r nose a t C h a r l e s , w h o i s w e a r i n g a n o l d shirt w i t h his shorts a n d r u n n i n g s h o e s . H e d o e s n ' t l o o k a t all s m a r t . ' E x c u s e m e , ' h e asks h e r . ' D o y o u h a v e t h e w e d d i n g list f o r Banks? Hamish and Carrie Banks?' Carrie Banks is w h a t Carrie w i l l b e called after h e r m a r r i a g e t o H a m i s h . T h e assistant l o o k s a t C h a r l e s w i t h d i s l i k e . ' C e r t a i n l y , sir. I c a n s h o w y o u plenty o f presents for a b o u t o n e t h o u s a n d pounds.' ' A h ! ' says C h a r l e s , w h o i s a m a z e d , b u t i s t r y i n g n o t t o s h o w it. ' W h a t a b o u t p r e s e n t s f o r fifty p o u n d s ? ' ' Y o u c a n b u y t h i s o n e , ' says t h e assistant. S h e p o i n t s t o a l i f e size w o o d e n A f r i c a n m a n .
37
' T h i s ? ' says C h a r l e s . ' E x c e l l e n t ! ' ' Y o u c a n b u y it,' t h e assistant says n a s t i l y , ' i f y o u c a n f i n d s o m e o n e to pay the other three thousand, nine hundred and fifty pounds.' C h a r l e s s m i l e s . H e i s still b e i n g v e r y p o l i t e a n d t r y i n g t o l o o k calm. ' O r w e sell p l a s t i c b a g s f o r o n e p o u n d f i f t y p e n c e e a c h , ' s h e continues. ' W h y don't y o u just b u y thirty-three of them?' 'Actually, I You've
been
think very
I'll
...'
probably leave He
was
going
it. T h a n k s to
say
very
'helpful',
much. but
it
w o u l d n ' t be true. A s h e turns r o u n d t o g o o u t o f the shop, C a r r i e walks in. ' W h a t d i d y o u g e t ? ' s h e asks h i m , s m i l i n g . S h e l o o k s v e r y h a p p y . 'Oh
—
nothing,
nothing
yet!
I've j u s t
been
looking,'
says
C h a r l e s . It is o n c e again a surprise to m e e t her. He is always d e l i g h t e d t o s e e h e r , b u t h e n e v e r k n o w s w h a t t o say. 'It's n i c e t o s e e y o u , ' s h e says. 'It's n i c e t o s e e you,' says C h a r l e s . 'It's g r e a t , g e t t i n g p r e s e n t s , ' says C a r r i e . S h e l a u g h s . ' W h y d i d n ' t I
get
married
years
ago?
Has
anybody
bought
the
wooden
A f r i c a n y e t ? ' s h e asks t h e assistant. ' T h e y o u n g m a n i s t h i n k i n g a b o u t it,' says t h e assistant, i c i l y polite. C h a r l e s n o d s t h o u g h t f u l l y , t r y i n g to l o o k as if this is a s e r i o u s idea. 'Oh
n o , ' says
Carrie, w h o
is
quick
to
understand. ' G e t me
s o m e t h i n g small — a t e a p o t or s o m e t h i n g . A r e y o u free for a b o u t half an hour?' ' Y e s — I h a v e t o m e e t m y b r o t h e r , b u t — I c a n b e a l i t t l e b i t late.' It's a l i e . D a v i d w i l l b e a n n o y e d i f C h a r l e s i s l a t e . B u t h e d o e s n ' t w a n t t o miss the c h a n c e t o spend s o m e t i m e w i t h C a r r i e . 'Good,'
she
says.
'Come
with
important decision.' • 38
me.
I've
got
to
make
an
S h e t a k e s C h a r l e s o f f t o t h e dress s h o p w h e r e s h e p l a n s t o c h o o s e h e r w e d d i n g dress. ' T h e m o s t i m p o r t a n t t h i n g ' , she says,'is — please d o n ' t laugh!' ' O K . R i g h t , ' says C h a r l e s , s e r i o u s l y . T h e assistant b r i n g s d r e s s a f t e r d r e s s . C a r r i e t a k e s e a c h o n e a w a y a n d t r i e s i t o n . E a c h t i m e , w h e n she's r e a d y , s h e c o m e s o u t a n d s h o w s C h a r l e s . T h e first dress i s v e r y c o m p l i c a t e d , w i t h full skirts. ' W h a t d o y o u t h i n k ? ' s h e asks h i m . ' L o v e l y ! ' says C h a r l e s . ' I s n ' t i t a b i t l i k e a c a k e ? ' s h e asks h i m . W e l l — ' says C h a r l e s . ' D o n ' t w o r r y , ' says C a r r i e . ' I t h o u g h t s o t o o ! B u t w e ' v e o n l y just b e g u n . ' S h e c o m e s o u t n e x t i n a v e r y m o d e r n style o f dress. A c t u a l l y , it is n o t r e a l l y a dress at all — it's a s u i t w i t h t r o u s e r s , a l o n g o p e n coat, a n d a v e r y small top. S e x y ! ' W h a t d o y o u t h i n k t h i s t i m e ? ' asks C a r r i e . ' Y o u ' r e j o k i n g ! ' says C h a r l e s . ' B u t it's w o n d e r f u l , isn't it? M a y b e n e x t t i m e . . . ' T h e n e x t dress i s l o n g , i n a ' c o u n t r y g i r l ' s t y l e , l i k e a n o l d e i g h t e e n t h - c e n t u r y picture. It is quite sweet, but n o t right for Carrie. ' W h a t d o y o u t h i n k ? ' s h e asks a g a i n . ' A h — ' says C h a r l e s . ' I k n e w i t ! ' s h e says, s m i l i n g , a n d g o e s b e h i n d t h e c u r t a i n t o take it off. T h e n s h e c o m e s o u t i n a v e r y s i m p l e , b u t v e r y s e x y dress. 'It's a b i t sexy,' s h e says. ' I f I w a s y o u r h u s b a n d , I'd b e s o p r o u d , ' says C h a r l e s , a n d h e m e a n s it. ' B u t m a y b e y o u ' r e r i g h t . Y o u d o n ' t w a n t t h e p r i e s t t o get t o o excited!' A f t e r C a r r i e has c h o s e n h e r dress, t h e y g o t o a cafe t o g e t h e r
39
to d r i n k tea. It has started to rain n o w . 'Marriage
is
s t r a n g e , ' says
C h a r l e s . 'Just
one
man
and
one
w o m a n — n o m o r e l o v e r s , e v e r ! D o y o u t h i n k y o u ' l l stay f a i t h f u l ? ' 'Yes, o n c e I ' m married,' C a r r i e replies. 'I told H a m i s h that I w o u l d k i l l h i m i f h e g o e s w i t h a n o t h e r w o m a n . S o I'd b e t t e r d o the same, I think, and leave o t h e r m e n alone.' ' Q u i t e r i g h t , ' says C h a r l e s . ' A n d I ' v e h a d p l e n t y o f l o v e r s i n m y life,' s h e c o n t i n u e s . ' H a v e y o u ? ' asks C h a r l e s , s u r p r i s e d . ' H o w m a n y i s " p l e n t y " ? ' ' W e l l — o h I d o n ' t k n o w , ' says C a r r i e , a l i t t l e b i t e m b a r r a s s e d . ' M o r e than one.' ' T e l l m e ! ' says C h a r l e s . ' T h e r e a r e n o s e c r e t s b e t w e e n u s n o w . I've s e e n t h e w e d d i n g dress, r e m e m b e r ? ' ' W e l l — ' says C a r r i e , a n d s h e starts t o c o u n t o n h e r f i n g e r s . ' T h e first o n e , o f c o u r s e , y o u n e v e r f o r g e t . I t w a s n i c e . N u m b e r t w o h e h a d t o o m u c h h a i r o n his b a c k ! T h r e e — f o u r - f i v e - n u m b e r six w a s o n m y birthday, i n m y parents' b e d r o o m . ' ' W h i c h b i r t h d a y ? ' asks C h a r l e s q u i c k l y . ' M y seventeenth,' she answers. 'Seventeen? Y o u
got
to
number
six
by
your
seventeenth
birthday?' ' I g r e w u p i n t h e c o u n t r y — it's d i f f e r e n t t h e r e , ' s h e says. ' O K — s e v e n w a s g o o d . E i g h t - rather small! T h a t w a s a s h o c k ! N i n e w e w e r e s t a n d i n g u p a g a i n s t a g a t e . N e v e r t r y it, C h a r l e s . It's v e r y uncomfortable.' 'I won't,' he promises h e r seriously. ' T e n w a s w o n d e r f u l , really like heaven.' ' I h a t e h i m , ' says C h a r l e s . 'Eleven — no g o o d . N u m b e r s twelve to seventeen were during m y u n i v e r s i t y y e a r s . T h e y w e r e all n i c e , i n t e l l i g e n t b o y s — b u t t h e sex wasn't m u c h g o o d . E i g h t e e n broke my heart. I couldn't forget h i m for years afterwards.' ' I ' m s o r r y , ' C h a r l e s says.
40
'I
d o n ' t r e m e m b e r n u m b e r n i n e t e e n . B u t m y g i r l f r i e n d says
that it did h a p p e n — t w i c e . S h e shared my r o o m , so she should k n o w . T w e n t y — are
we really at t w e n t y ?
God! Twenty-one —
horrible! I d o n ' t w a n t to talk a b o u t h i m . T w e n t y - t w o - well, he w a s a l w a y s f a l l i n g a s l e e p ! T h a t w a s m y first y e a r i n E n g l a n d . ' ' I m u s t a p o l o g i z e f o r E n g l a n d , a n d E n g l i s h m e n , ' says C h a r l e s . ' T w e n t y - t h r e e and t w e n t y - f o u r w e r e together — I w o n ' t forget that!' ' S e r i o u s l y ? ' asks C h a r l e s , b u t s h e w o n ' t a n s w e r h i m . H e i s n o t s u r e h o w m u c h o f t h i s i s s e r i o u s a t all. 'Twenty-five was a lovely F r e n c h m a n . T w e n t y - s i x was an awful F r e n c h m a n . T w e n t y - s e v e n w a s a mistake.' ' S u d d e n l y , a t n u m b e r t w e n t y - s e v e n , y o u m a d e a m i s t a k e ? ' asks C h a r l e s . ' C a n this really b e t r u e ? ' ' H e k e p t o n s c r e a m i n g , ' says C a r r i e s i m p l y . ' I n e a r l y g a v e u p sex after that. B u t
S p e n c e r c h a n g e d m y m i n d for me. H e was
n u m b e r t w e n t y - e i g h t . T h e n there w a s his father, n u m b e r t w e n t y nine.' 'Spencer's father?' Charles repeats. ' T h e n thirty — horrible! T h i r t y - o n e — oh my G o d ! T h i r t y - t w o - ' she p a u s e s . ' T h i r t y - t w o w a s lovely. A n d t h e n there's H a m i s h , n u m b e r thirty-three.' 'So know
I w a s - a f t e r H a m i s h ? ' asks C h a r l e s . H e r e a l l y w a n t s t o now.
' N o , y o u w e r e thirty-two,' replies C a r r i e , and Charles thinks a b o u t this. ' T h a t ' s i t , t h e n , ' says C a r r i e . ' L e s s t h a n M a d o n n a , m o r e t h a n Princess D i a n a — I
hope. W h a t about you? H o w many people
have y o u slept w i t h ? ' ' N o t as m a n y as you!' Charles answers. 'I probably don't have e n o u g h time. W h a t do I do w i t h my time? Actually, I d o n ' t really k n o w . I w o r k - y e s , that's it! W o r k , w o r k a n d m o r e w o r k . I ' m always w o r k i n g late!'
41
Carrie and Charles both stop talking. moment; something
has
There
happened,
is a very serious, silent
and
they
both feel
it.
C a r r i e laughs. A n d suddenly, they both stop talking. T h e r e is a v e r y s e r i o u s , silent m o m e n t ; s o m e t h i n g has h a p p e n e d , a n d t h e y b o t h feel it. ' I w i s h I'd p h o n e d y o u , ' says C h a r l e s . ' B u t y o u d i d n ' t r i n g m e . ' T h e n h e l o o k s a t his w a t c h . ' O h , hell! H e l p m e , please! I ' m late — again!'
W h e n t h e y r e a c h t h e c i n e m a , D a v i d i s still w a i t i n g o u t s i d e . I f i t h a d n ' t b e e n h i s b r o t h e r h e w o u l d h a v e p r o b a b l y h a v e left b y n o w . C h a r l e s i s very, v e r y late. D a v i d signs t o
him, 'You're not my
b r o t h e r any m o r e ! Y o u ' r e just s o m e stupid fool that I o n c e m e t ! ' ' C a r r i e , t h i s i s D a v i d , m y b r o t h e r , ' says C h a r l e s . ' T h i s i s C a r r i e , ' he signs.
42
' H i , ' says C a r r i e . ' W e w e r e b u y i n g a w e d d i n g dress f o r her,' C h a r l e s signs. 'That's
a
really
poor
excuse,'
David
replies.
'Who's
she
marrying?' They
can
now
have
a
secret
conversation, because
Carrie
doesn't understand sign language. ' A r e a l f o o l , ' says C h a r l e s . ' H o w d o e s a f o o l f i n d a b e a u t i f u l w i f e l i k e h e r ? ' asks D a v i d . C a r r i e is w a i t i n g for a translation. 'Yes,
I'm just
telling
David
that
you're
marrying
Hamish.
" W h a t a l u c k y m a n ! " h e said t o m e . ' ' D i d n ' t y o u m a k e l o v e t o h e r o n c e ? ' asks D a v i d . F o r t u n a t e l y , C a r r i e still c a n ' t u n d e r s t a n d . ' H e w a n t s t o k n o w w h e r e y o u are g e t t i n g m a r r i e d , ' C h a r l e s p r e t e n d s to translate. 'In Scotland,' C a r r i e answers. 'She's
g o t l o v e l y b r e a s t s ! ' says D a v i d , a n d u s e s
his
hands
to
describe them. ' " O h , lovely
hills
up
there
in
Scotland," he
says!'
Charles
translates q u i c k l y . ' W h y d o n ' t y o u c o m e t o t h e w e d d i n g ? ' C a r r i e asks D a v i d . ' I ' d like s o m e n i c e friends to c o m e — H a m i s h is g o i n g to invite s o m e awful p e o p l e . W e l l , y o u ' d b e t t e r g o i n a n d see t h e film. G o o d b y e ! ' T h e b r o t h e r s w a t c h h e r a s she w a l k s away. C h a r l e s a n d D a v i d g o i n t o t h e c i n e m a , b u t s u d d e n l y C h a r l e s c h a n g e s his m i n d . ' O h , h e l l ! ' h e says. He runs out of the
c i n e m a and chases
Carrie
u p t h e steps.
D a v i d i s left a l o n e a t t h e e n t r a n c e t o t h e c i n e m a . C h a r l e s c a t c h e s u p w i t h C a r r i e b y the river. 'Carrie!
-
Sorry, sorry!
Oh
—
b o u g h t y o u r w e d d i n g dress. B u t
this I
is
stupid — you've just
w o n d e r e d if there was any
c h a n c e — n o , o b v i o u s l y n o t ! I've o n l y slept w i t h n i n e w o m e n - so w h y a m I a s k i n g silly q u e s t i o n s ? B u t I j u s t w o n d e r e d — I r e a l l y
43
f e e l — w e l l , let m e say i t m o r e clearly, l i k e t h e m a n i n t h e s o n g . O r was it the m a n on television? "I think I love y o u . " W o u l d y o u p e r h a p s l i k e t o — n o , n o , o f c o u r s e n o t ! I ' m a f o o l , a n d h e isn't. E x c e l l e n t . E x c e l l e n t . L o v e l y t o see y o u . M u s t g o n o w ' H e turns t o leave, t h e n adds, ' D a m n ! ' ' T h a t w a s v e r y s w e e t , ' says C a r r i e . S h e i s s m i l i n g a t h i m a n d l o o k s v e r y affectionate. ' W e l l , I t h o u g h t a b o u t it a lot, y o u k n o w . I w a n t e d to get it just r i g h t . It's i m p o r t a n t t h a t I ' v e s a i d it.' ' W h a t h a v e y o u s a i d , e x a c t l y ? ' asks C a r r i e . 'I said that I t h i n k — o h , y o u k n o w w h a t I said!' C h a r l e s is f i n d i n g this v e r y difficult. ' Y o u ' r e l o v e l y , ' says C a r r i e , a n d k i s s e s h i m . F o r a m i n u t e , t h e y stand c l o s e t o g e t h e r , t h e n C a r r i e w a l k s away. S h e l o o k s b a c k a t h i m o n e last t i m e .
44
Chapter 4 T h e Third Wedding You on
are invited to September 28th,
the wedding of Hamish in
the church
Perthshire,
at
and
Carrie
Glenthrist
Castle,
Scotland
It is already a cold, w e t a u t u m n in Scotland by the time of H a m i s h and Carrie's w e d d i n g . T h e m o u n t a i n s and lakes l o o k v e r y beautiful b u t also v e r y g l o o m y a n d g r e y . C h a r l e s a r r i v e s l a t e — a s u s u a l - a n d tries t o c h a n g e q u i c k l y o u t o f t h e w a r m , h e a v y c l o t h e s t h a t h e p u t on
for
the journey. He
takes
o f f his
pullover and puts
on
his
w e d d i n g c o a t b e f o r e h e steps o u t o f t h e car. T h e w e d d i n g i s i n t h e little c h u r c h t h a t b e l o n g s t o H a m i s h ' s castle. T h e d o o r of the church makes a l o u d noise as Charles opens it. ' S o r r y , s o r r y , ' h e w h i s p e r s . E v e r y b o d y t u r n s r o u n d t o s e e w h o ' s there. T h e little c h u r c h l o o k s c h a r m i n g . T h e s e r v i c e has b e g u n , a n d C a r r i e is standing w i t h H a m i s h and the priest at the front. S h e l o o k s l o v e l y , t o o - s e r i o u s , b u t b e a u t i f u l . T h e p r i e s t asks H a m i s h w h e t h e r h e w i l l take C a r r i e for his w i f e . ' I d o , ' says H a m i s h . H e asks C a r r i e w h e t h e r s h e i s w i l l i n g t o t a k e H a m i s h f o r h e r husband. 'I do,' answers C a r r i e . ' D a m n , d a m n , d a m n it to hell!' whispers Charles as violently as h e d a r e s . H i s last h o p e has d i s a p p e a r e d .
T h e reception is
in the fine
castle
that H a m i s h
owns. As the
guests w a l k there f r o m the c h u r c h t h e y c a n h e a r special Scottish music b e i n g played. W h e n
they arrive, they
45
are w e l c o m e d b y
servants w h o are w e a r i n g f o r m a l S c o t t i s h u n i f o r m s . A m o n g t h e guests, m a n y o f t h e m e n are w e a r i n g S c o t t i s h - s t y l e
clothes t o o
a n d s o m e o f t h e ladies are also dressed i n t h e S c o t t i s h style. T h e b r i d e , t h e g r o o m a n d t h e f a m i l y are s t a n d i n g i n a line. T h e guests shake hands w i t h t h e m as t h e y c o m e in. C a r r i e is standing at the e n d o f the line, n e x t t o H a m i s h . Charles congratulates C a r r i e . ' Y o u l o o k b e a u t i f u l , ' h e says a s h e s h a k e s h e r h a n d . T h e r e is s o m e lively
Scottish
dancing in the middle
of the
room. ' O h , g r e a t ! ' says
G a r e t h . 'It's l i k e o n e o f t h o s e f i l m s ! It's s o
Scottish that it can't possibly be true!' H e j o i n s i n the d a n c i n g enthusiastically. ' D e a r f r i e n d s , ' h e says a l i t t l e l a t e r , w h e n h i s u s u a l g r o u p o f friends is standing together at the edge of the r o o m . ' N o n e of us is m a r r i e d . Y o u k n o w , I w a s always p r o u d of that. N o t a w e d d i n g r i n g b e t w e e n u s ! B u t n o w , I ' m g e t t i n g o l d e r , a n d it's s u d d e n l y b e g u n t o m a k e m e s a d . I'd l i k e t o g o t o t h e w e d d i n g o f s o m e o n e w h o I really love.' ' W e l l , d o n ' t b l a m e m e ! ' says T o m . ' I ' v e a s k e d e v e r y b o d y t h a t I k n o w to marry me!' ' Y o u h a v e n ' t a s k e d m e , ' says S c a r l e t t , a l i t t l e sadly. ' H a v e n ' t I ? ' asks T o m i n s u r p r i s e . ' N o , ' she shakes h e r head. 'Well, Scarlett — w o u l d y o u like to m a r r y m e ? ' ' N o t h a n k y o u , T o m . I t w a s v e r y n i c e o f y o u t o ask m e . ' ' W e l l , a n y t i m e y o u l i k e , ' says T o m k i n d l y . ' G o o d m a n , T o m ! ' s h o u t s G a r e t h . ' N o w , w h y d o n ' t t h e rest o f y o u d o the same? G o a n d f i n d husbands and w i v e s for yourselves! Those
are y o u r o r d e r s
for tonight. B u t first we'll
all d r i n k t o
"True Love!'" 'What
about y o u , Fi?' T o m
asks
husband here?' ' O h , g e t lost, T o m ! ' replies Fiona.
46
his
sister. ' C a n y o u
see
a
' T r u e l o v e ! ' T h e y all raise t h e i r g l a s s e s . Tom
takes
the
idea
seriously. He
tries
to
talk to
a pretty
w o m a n , 'A lot of p e o p l e actually m e e t their husbands and wives a t w e d d i n g s . D i d y o u k n o w that?' 'Yes, I m e t my husband at a w e d d i n g , ' she answers h i m . ' O h . O h w e l l , ' says T o m , a n d d r i n k s t h e rest o f his w i n e v e r y q u i c k l y . ' L o o k a t t h a t ! M y glass i s e m p t y . E x c u s e m e — ' Scarlett s e e m s t o b e h a v i n g b e t t e r l u c k . T h e p e r s o n she i s talking to is probably the best-looking m a n at the wedding. A n d he's n o t w e a r i n g S c o t t i s h c l o t h e s — he's A m e r i c a n . ' H e l l o , m y n a m e ' s S c a r l e t t . L i k e S c a r l e t t O ' H a r a i n Gone with the Wind,*
b u t I ' m m u c h less t r o u b l e t h a n s h e w a s ! W h a t ' s y o u r n a m e ? '
' M y n a m e ' s R h e t t , ' says t h e A m e r i c a n . ' N o — f r o m the same story? N o t really?' ' N o , n o t really' h e smiles. ' M y name's Chester.' 'You're a j o k e r ! ' Scarlett laughs. ' W h e n I m e e t Americans, I always think that they're g o i n g t o b e b o r i n g . B u t o f course, you're n o t b o r i n g , are y o u ? Y o u ' r e l o v e l y ! ' Scarlett has t o l o o k u p a l o n g w a y w h e n she talks t o C h e s t e r . H e i s v e r y tall a n d s h e i s s h o r t . I t l o o k s q u i t e f u n n y C h a r l e s is h i d i n g f r o m H e n r i e t t a , b u t she s o o n finds h i m . ' O h , hi, H e n ! S o r r y — I didn't c o m e to talk to y o u because I really d o n ' t w a n t a n a r g u m e n t t o d a y I ' m sure that w e ' v e g o t lots t o talk a b o u t , b u t n o t today, H e n , n o t today!' ' D i d I b e h a v e b a d l y , last t i m e ? ' H e n r i e t t a a s k s . ' I t w a s q u i t e f r i g h t e n i n g , ' says C h a r l e s . ' L i k e a m u r d e r film.' H e n r i e t t a l a u g h s - she is in a g o o d m o o d . C h a r l e s d e c i d e s that he's safe w i t h h e r t o d a y , a n d s o h e g o e s o n t a l k i n g t o h e r . ' O h , H e n , I ' m d e p r e s s e d , ' says C h a r l e s . ' W h a t a b o u t y o u ? H o w are y o u ? '
* A f a m o u s f i l m a n d n o v e l . S c a r l e t t a n d R h e t t are t h e n a m e s o f t h e t w o m o s t i m p o r t a n t p e o p l e i n it.
47
'Well,
I'm
quite
happy
actually,'
she
says. ' I ' v e
got
a
new
boyfriend and my weight's d o w n to almost nothing.' ' P e r h a p s y o u w e r e r i g h t , H e n , ' says C h a r l e s . ' P e r h a p s w e s h o u l d have got married.' ' G o d , n o ! ' says H e n r i e t t a . ' I d o n ' t w a n t t o m a r r y y o u r f r i e n d s too, specially Fiona.' ' F i o n a l o v e s y o u , ' says C h a r l e s . ' F i o n a calls m e D u c k - F a c e , ' says H e n r i e t t a . ' I ' v e n e v e r h e a r d t h a t ! ' says C h a r l e s . H e n r i e t t a k n o w s that he's l y i n g . ' C o m e t o l u n c h s o m e t i m e , ' she says. ' G i v e m e a r i n g . ' S h e g i v e s h i m a g e n t l e kiss o n t h e c h e e k . A s she w a l k s away, F i o n a c o m e s u p t o C h a r l e s . ' H o w ' s D u c k F a c e ? ' she asks. ' S h e ' s f i n e , a c t u a l l y , ' says C h a r l e s . ' N o t t o o m a d a t t h e m o m e n t . '
' L a d i e s a n d g e n t l e m a n , ' says t h e b e s t m a n . ' T h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m ! ' H a m i s h and C a r r i e dance together in the middle of the r o o m . It's a f o r m a l S c o t t i s h d a n c e a n d e v e r y b o d y c l a p s t h e m . C h a r l e s a n d F i o n a w a t c h the h a p p y c o u p l e w i t h the o t h e r guests. Fiona p u t s h e r h a n d o n C h a r l e s ' s s h o u l d e r a n d l o o k s a t h i m . S h e c a n see that h e l o o k s sad. ' Y o u l i k e t h i s g i r l , d o n ' t y o u C h a r l e s ? ' asks F i o n a . ' Y e s — it's a s t r a n g e t h i n g , t h i s l o v e b u s i n e s s , w h e n a t last i t happens
...
and
now
she's
marrying
C h a r l e s . ' B u t w h a t a b o u t y o u , Fifi?
another
man,'
answers
H a v e y o u m e t y o u r future
husband here?' ' N o — a n d I w o n ' t — it's n o t l i k e t h a t . I ' v e b e e n i n l o v e w i t h t h e s a m e m a n for years.' ' H a v e y o u ? ' C h a r l e s asks i n s u r p r i s e . ' W h o ' s t h a t ? ' ' Y o u , C h a r l i e , ' says F i o n a , v e r y l i g h t l y . C h a r l e s s t o p s s m i l i n g . He looks
shocked. Fiona walks away and goes into
r o o m . C h a r l e s follows her.
48
a
quieter
'It w a s a l w a y s y o u , e v e r s i n c e w e first m e t , ' says F i o n a . ' I k n e w t h a t f r o m t h e first m o m e n t I s a w y o u . " A c r o s s a c r o w d e d r o o m " — you
k n o w w h a t t h e y say!
But it
doesn't matter. We
can't
do
a n y t h i n g a b o u t it. T h a t ' s life. A n d w e ' r e f r i e n d s — " f r i e n d s " isn't b a d , y o u k n o w . It's q u i t e g o o d , really.' C h a r l e s is upset, a n d he feels h e r p a i n . A f e w m o n t h s a g o , he didn't k n o w love, b u t n o w h e k n o w s h o w i t feels. H e i s d e e p l y sorry for her, a n d takes h e r hand. ' O h , F i ! It's n o t easy, i s i t ? ' ' N o . B u t forget it — it can't h a p p e n b e t w e e n us, Charlie.' J u s t t h e n , M a t t h e w c o m e s i n . F i o n a p r e t e n d s t h a t n o t h i n g has happened. ' M a t t h e w d e a r ! ' s h e says b r i g h t l y . ' W h e r e ' s G a r e t h ? ' 'He's being rude to Americans,' M a t t h e w answers. ' H o w thoughtful of him!' Gareth
is
surprised
as
dancing
with
he
turns
Gareth
is
her
dancing
an
American
round
with
49
fast
woman.
and j u m p s
an American
woman.
She
looks
about
quite
violently. T o m is d a n c i n g t o o , a n d l o o k i n g h o p e f u l l y at e v e r y girl i n t h e r o o m . H e c l e a r l y hasn't f o u n d his f u t u r e w i f e y e t ! W h e n it's t i m e f o r t h e s p e e c h e s , G a r e t h c o m e s b a c k o v e r t o h i s friends, v e r y hot. ' L a d i e s a n d g e n t l e m e n , fill y o u r g l a s s e s , p l e a s e , ' says t h e b e s t m a n . ' U n u s u a l l y , t h e b r i d e w i l l m a k e t h e first s p e e c h . ' ' E x c e l l e n t , ' says G a r e t h . ' I l o v e t h i s g i r l ! ' He l o o k s at C h a r l e s — he k n o w s a b o u t Charles's feelings for Carrie now. ' T h a n k y o u , ' says C a r r i e , a s e v e r y b o d y c l a p s h e r . ' A n d t h a n k y o u t o those p e o p l e w h o ' v e f l o w n i n f r o m the U n i t e d States. Congratulations though
you
coming
too!'
to
the
rest
knew
that
all
of you! these
You
came
terrible
here,
even
Americans
were
People laugh, and Charles looks at C a r r i e w i t h love. ' M y d e a r D a d s h o u l d b e t h e o n e t o g i v e t h i s s p e e c h . B u t , sadly, h e ' s n o t a l i v e t o d a y . I f h e w a s h e r e , I k n o w w h a t h e w o u l d say: " L o v e l y dress, girl! B u t w h y t h e hell are y o u m a r r y i n g a m a n i n a skirt?'" T h e y l a u g h a g a i n , t h o u g h H a m i s h i s n o t v e r y p l e a s e d w i t h this j o k e about Scottish clothes. ' M y a n s w e r is,' C a r r i e
continues, '"Because
I
love him." As
J o h n L e n n o n s a i d , " L o v e i s t h e a n s w e r . " A n d w e all k n o w t h a t . ' T h e guests clap loudly. C h a r l e s can't b e l i e v e that h e has b e e n s o stupid. W h y did h e let h e r g o ? I f h e hadn't b e e n s o s l o w h e w o u l d have b e e n t h e g r o o m here today. ' O h , o n e m o r e t h i n g ! ' says C a r r i e . ' S o m e o n e h e r e s a i d t h a t i f t h i n g s d i d n ' t g o w e l l w i t h H a m i s h , h e w o u l d b e r e a d y t o t a k e his p l a c e . W e l l , t h a n k y o u , a n d I'll l e t y o u k n o w ! ' I t i s a v e r y c h e e k y t h i n g t o say, b u t H a m i s h l a u g h s l o u d l y . H e b e g i n s t o m a k e his s p e e c h n o w , v e r y c o n f i d e n t l y . H a m i s h i s n o t s e l f - c o n s c i o u s . H e has h a d years o f p r a c t i c e i n p u b l i c s p e a k i n g . S u d d e n l y there is a l o u d noise, a k i n d of crash, at the back.
50
'Oh
dear — s o m e o n e
doesn't agree w i t h me!' he jokes. ' N o
p r o b l e m ! I ' m u s e d t o that!' But
the
crash
was
Gareth, falling u n c o n s c i o u s
to
the floor.
Charles, D a v i d and T o m get to h i m quickly. ' F i n d a d o c t o r , ' says C h a r l e s , u r g e n t l y . W h i l e H a m i s h i s still speaking, a d o c t o r is f o u n d a m o n g the w e d d i n g guests. He gives Gareth a quick examination. T h e n they carry h i m into a quieter r o o m , a n d p u t h i m d o w n g e n t l y o n t h e g r o u n d . C h a r l e s i s o n his k n e e s , h o l d i n g G a r e t h ' s h e a d . B u t it's t o o l a t e . G a r e t h i s d e a d . T h e n h e decides that h e must find M a t t h e w q u i c k l y a m o n g the crowd
o f guests.
C h a r l e s sees M a t t h e w a n d w a l k s t o w a r d s h i m . Just b e f o r e h e reaches
h i m , he
s t o p s — it's
a
hard m o m e n t . T h e n
he
moves
f o r w a r d , t a k e s M a t t h e w ' s a r m a n d w h i s p e r s t o h i m . A s h e tells h i m a b o u t G a r e t h they can hear the guests b e h i n d t h e m b e g i n to sing.
51
Chapter 5
A Funeral
It is t h e day of Gareth's funeral. It takes place in t h e t o w n w h e r e Gareth's parents live, a small
and dirty
t o w n , full
of factories.
G a r e t h d i d n ' t c o m e f r o m a r i c h family. It is r a i n i n g a n d grey, and everyone
looks
very
sad.
It
is
a
big
contrast
to
the
three
w o n d e r f u l w e d d i n g s . M a t t h e w a n d G a r e t h ' s f a m i l y are d r i v e n t o t h e c h u r c h i n a l a r g e b l a c k car. I n f r o n t o f t h e m i s t h e car w i t h Gareth's coffin. C h a r l e s a r r i v e s a t t h e c h u r c h a n d sits d o w n n e x t t o
Fiona,
p u t t i n g his a r m a r o u n d her. C a r r i e is there t o o , q u i e t a n d w h i t e faced
at
the
back. T h e
atmosphere
is
very
different
from
the
a t m o s p h e r e at the w e d d i n g s . E v e r y b o d y is w e a r i n g dark clothes and n o b o d y is talking. ' G o o d m o r n i n g , ' the priest w e l c o m e s everybody. ' W e l c o m e to y o u all, o n t h i s c o l d day. O u r s e r v i c e w i l l b e g i n i n a f e w m i n u t e s , b u t f i r s t w e ' v e a s k e d G a r e t h ' s c l o s e s t f r i e n d , M a t t h e w , t o say a f e w words.' Matthew
steps
forward
and
stands
near
the
coffin.
It
has
b e a u t i f u l f l o w e r s o n it. 'Gareth
preferred
funerals
to
weddings. " O n e
day
I
shall
p r o b a b l y h a v e a funeral," he said, " b u t a w e d d i n g — n e v e r ! ' " P e o p l e s m i l e a n d b e g i n t o feel a little bi t m o r e c o m f o r t a b l e . ' I r a n g a f e w p e o p l e a n d a s k e d t h e m a b o u t G a r e t h . W h a t did t h e y t h i n k a b o u t h i m ? W h a t c o m e s i n t o t h e i r m i n d s w h e n they h e a r his n a m e ? W e l l , a l o t o f p e o p l e said, " F a t . " A n d a lot m o r e s a i d " T e r r i b l y r u d e . " S o " v e r y fat a n d v e r y r u d e " w a s t h e w a y that strangers d e s c r i b e d G a r e t h . B u t t h e n s o m e o f y o u here rang m e a n d s a i d t h a t y o u l o v e d h i m . Y o u r e m e m b e r v i s i t i n g G a r e t h , and how
kind
he
was
to
his
guests. Y o u
remember
what
an
a d v e n t u r o u s c o o k h e w a s . F o r t u n a t e l y , t h e s e c r e t s o f s o m e o f his
52
Matthew steps forward and stands
dishes, like
d u c k w i t h b a n a n a , are
near the
coffin.
lost for ever!
Gareth
really
l o v e d life. I h o p e y o u w i l l r e m e m b e r h i m s p e c i a l l y f o r t h a t . ' H o w do I r e m e m b e r h i m ? I can't find the w o r d s — I ' m sorry. S o I've t a k e n t h e w o r d s o f that w o n d e r f u l w r i t e r , W . H . A u d e n . T h i s i s w h a t I r e a l l y w a n t t o say.' H e reads f r o m a b o o k .
He was my North, my My working
week
South, my East and West, and my
My noon, my midnight, my
Sunday
rest,
talk, my song
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
A f t e r the service, p e o p l e m e e t a n d talk o u t s i d e . It w a s a v e r y e m o t i o n a l f u n e r a l a n d e v e r y b o d y l o o k s v e r y sad. T h e
53
car w i t h
Gareth's coffin is d r i v e n away. C h a r l e s f i n d s C a r r i e . 'It's g o o d o f y o u t o c o m e , ' h e says. ' B u t didn't it spoil y o u r h o n e y m o o n ? ' ' O h , i t d o e s n ' t m a t t e r , ' says C a r r i e . ' W e ' l l d o i t a n o t h e r t i m e . Y o u k n o w , that t h i n g y o u said i n t h e street . . . ' ' Y e s , I ' m s o r r y a b o u t t h a t , ' C h a r l e s says q u i c k l y . ' N o , d o n ' t b e s o r r y . I l i k e d i t . I ' m g l a d t h a t y o u said it.' S h e kisses h i m g e n t l y o n t h e c h e e k , t h e n w a l k s away. H e w a t c h e s h e r go' W o u l d y o u l i k e a w a l k , C h a r l i e ? ' asks T o m . 'Yes — g o o d idea.' ' I ' v e n e v e r f e l t l i k e t h a t , ' says T o m . ' N o t l i k e M a t t h e w . N o t t h a t k i n d o f l o v e . W e l l , I felt s o m e t h i n g for Jilly w h e n I w a s y o u n g - ' 'Jilly?' asks C h a r l e s , s u r p r i s e d . ' O u r family dog,' T o m explains. ' Y e s . . . ' says C h a r l e s . 'It's s t r a n g e , i s n ' t i t , w e ' v e all b e e n f r i e n d s for years, and w e never n o t i c e d that M a t t h e w and G a r e t h w e r e really m a r r i e d , i n t h e i r o w n way.' T h e y have r e a c h e d the river, b u t it is n o t an attractive place — t h e r e a r e f a c t o r i e s all a l o n g t h e b a n k s . E v e r y t h i n g l o o k s c o l d a n d g l o o m y . C h a r l e s i s h o l d i n g a n u m b r e l l a a s i t i s still r a i n i n g . 'It's h a r d e s t f o r h i s p a r e n t s , ' says T o m . ' I h o p e I d i e b e f o r e m y children.' ' Y o u ' r e v e r y c o n f i d e n t t h a t y o u ' l l g e t m a r r i e d , ' says C h a r l e s . 'But
should we
get
married
at
all, i f w e
can't
find
the
right
p e r s o n ? W e s a w t o d a y a t t h e s e r v i c e t h a t t h e r e can b e a p e r f e c t marriage. A n d i f w e can't b e like
Gareth and Matthew, perhaps
we should just forget the idea. S o m e of us w o n ' t get m a r r i e d at all.' ' I d o n ' t k n o w , C h a r l i e , ' says T o m , t h o u g h t f u l l y . ' I d o n ' t h o p e f o r the perfect marriage. I ' m n o t l o o k i n g for t h u n d e r and lightning. I j u s t w a n t a nice, friendly girl w h o likes m e t o o . T h e n w e ' l l get m a r r i e d and be happy. It w o r k e d for my parents — well, it did for
54
years, until t h e y separated . ..' ' T h e n I g i v e y o u six m o n t h s at t h e m o s t , T o m , ' replies C h a r l e s . ' Y o u w o n ' t h a v e t o w a i t a n y l o n g e r t h a n that. It'll h a p p e n b e f o r e t h e n , y o u ' l l see. A n d m a y b e y o u ' r e r i g h t . M a y b e w a i t i n g for true l o v e is q u i t e useless.'
55
Chapter 6 T h e Fourth Wedding You
are invited to at
the wedding of Charles and — on July
St Julian's
Church,
Smithfield,
London
15th
EC1
It's C h a r l e s ' s w e d d i n g day, b u t e v e n n o w h e ' s n o t a w a k e ! H i s m a l e f r i e n d s g a v e h i m a s p e c i a l p a r t y last n i g h t , a n d e v e r y b o d y d r a n k t o o m u c h ! T h e a l a r m c l o c k r i n g s , C h a r l e s t u r n s i t off. H e g e t s ready to go b a c k to sleep again. B u t then another bell rings, and another! 'What
the
hell's
happening?' he
asks. H e
looks
around
the
r o o m . T h e r e are t w e n t y o r t h i r t y a l a r m c l o c k s i n t h e r e w i t h h i m ! T o m has b e e n s l e e p i n g n e x t t o h i m . ' I d e c i d e d that w e mustn't b e l a t e ! ' h e says b r i g h t l y . ' I l i k e y o u r h a i r - s t y l e — e x c e l l e n t f o r a w e d d i n g ! ' Charles's hair is a total mess. He gets o u t of b e d and g o e s i n t o t h e k i t c h e n , still i n h i s u n d e r w e a r . M a t t h e w i s a l r e a d y there; he's g o i n g t o b e
Charles's best m a n . U n l i k e
Charles, he
looks very smart. ' M a t t h e w - g r e a t ! ' says
C h a r l e s , sleepily. ' L i s t e n - t h a n k s for
d o i n g this t o d a y ! I w i s h G a r e t h w a s here.' H e k n o w s w h a t a h a r d t i m e M a t t h e w has h a d recently. ' H e ' d l i k e t o b e h e r e t o o , ' says M a t t h e w . ' S o r r y w e ' r e s o l a t e . T h e o t h e r s a r e j u s t p a r k i n g t h e car. W e t h o u g h t t h a t w e c o u l d all g o i n T o m ' s c a r b e c a u s e it's s o b i g . ' ' L a t e ? I s i t s o l a t e ? ' asks C h a r l e s . ' Y e s - it's 9 . 4 5 . ' ' N i n e f o r t y - f i v e ? ' C h a r l e s c a n ' t b e l i e v e it. ' O n l y f o r t y - f i v e m i n u t e s u n t i l y o u say, " I d o . ' " ' O h G o d ! I w a n t e d t h e a l a r m t o r i n g a t e i g h t o ' c l o c k ! I told T o m ! O h , hell!' N o w S c a r l e t t c o m e s i n , still i n h e r n i g h t d r e s s . H e r h a i r l o o k s
56
terrible t o o and she is y a w n i n g . ' S c a r l e t t ? ' M a t t h e w says. ' A r e y o u r e a d y ? ' 'Oh
yes, yes
—' she
answers
s l e e p i l y . 'Just
give
me
twenty
seconds!' A n d she makes herself a c u p of coffee. T h e y d r i v e a s fast a s t h e y c a n t o t h e c h u r c h . C h a r l e s i s still p u t t i n g o n his tie w h e n h e gets o u t o f t h e car. ' W h a t ' s t h e t i m e ? ' h e asks u r g e n t l y . ' H o n e s t l y ? ' asks M a t t h e w . ' Y o u r e a l l y w a n t t o k n o w ? ' ' Y e s — tell m e , p l e a s e ! ' ' W e l l , ' says M a t t h e w , 'it's a b o u t t e n t o n i n e . ' Charles keeps on r u n n i n g towards the church, then suddenly h e realizes w h a t M a t t h e w said. 'You
rats!'
he
shouts.
His
friends
all
start
laughing;
they
c h a n g e d t h e t i m e o n all t h o s e c l o c k s . I f t h e y h a d n ' t p l a y e d t h i s j o k e C h a r l e s w o u l d h a v e b e e n late for his o w n w e d d i n g !
They've got plenty of time now, so
they get s o m e coffee and
d r i n k i t o u t s i d e o n t h e grass. F i o n a d e c i d e s t o m a k e a s p e e c h . ' I ' l l j u s t say a l i t t l e w o r d , ' s h e b e g i n s . ' I ' v e w a t c h e d C h a r l e s ' s girlfriends c o m e and go for years now. I was w o r r i e d that he w o u l d n e v e r g e t m a r r i e d ! B u t n o w everything's g o i n g t o b e fine. U n f o r t u n a t e l y , h i s b r i d e i s q u i t e c r a z y - b u t p e r h a p s that's w h y h e l o v e s h e r ! S o let's d r i n k t o C h a r l e s a n d h i s b e a u t i f u l g i r l o n t h i s sad day. B e h a p p y — a n d d o n ' t f o r g e t u s ! ' ' T h a n k y o u , ' says C h a r l e s . 'To Charles — and Duck-Face!' T h e y raise t h e i r p l a s t i c c o f f e e c u p s a n d d r i n k . ' T h a n k y o u , Fiona, for those f e w k i n d w o r d s a b o u t m y future wife!' C h a r l e s replies. 'She's sent a message for y o u , t o o ! ' He pulls o u t a p i e c e of p a p e r a n d reads - or p r e t e n d s to r e a d — f r o m it. ' " I f a n y o f y o u c o m e n e a r m y h o u s e , I'll s e n d t h e d o g s o u t t o get y o u ! ' "
57
Charles pulls out a piece of paper and reads — or pretends to read — from it. '"If any of you come near my house, I'll send the dogs out to get you!'"
Everyone
laughs,
and
they
set
off
for
the
c h u r c h . Today,
p e r h a p s f o r t h e first t i m e e v e r , C h a r l e s w o n ' t b e l a t e !
J o h n is o n e of the first guests to arrive. He's the m a n w h o s e wife was
still
seeing Toby
de
Lisle.
And
he's
actually
Henrietta's
brother. ' H o p e m y s i s t e r a r r i v e s , ' h e says t o C h a r l e s . ' Y o u c a n ' t h a v e a w e d d i n g w i t h o u t a bride, y o u k n o w . A n d w h y didn't y o u have a p a r t y last n i g h t ? ' ' O h , b u t we did, we did — we didn't t h i n k i t w a s a g o o d idea!' says C h a r l e s h u r r i e d l y . J o h n , o f c o u r s e , w a s n o t i n v i t e d t o t h e party! ' Y o u l o o k l o v e l y t o d a y , Fi,' C h a r l e s says t o F i o n a , a s t h e y e n t e r
58
the c h u r c h together. She's w e a r i n g a smart j a c k e t of red, blue and other colours. 'Yes,' she replies. 'I more.'
Usually,
Fiona
d e c i d e d that I w o u l d n ' t w e a r b l a c k any chooses
black
or
dark
colours
for
her
clothes. ' F r o m n o w on, I'm g o i n g to wear bright colours, and f i n d s o m e b o d y w h o ' l l fall i n l o v e w i t h m e . T h a t ' l l b e d i f f e r e n t , w o n ' t it?' ' Y o u ' r e a d e a r g i r l , ' says C h a r l e s , a n d g i v e s h e r a f r i e n d l y k i s s . C h a r l e s stays a l o n e i n t h e c h u r c h . H e w a l k s a r o u n d a n d l o o k s rather u n c o m f o r t a b l e and nervous. He doesn't l o o k as happy as b r i d e g r o o m s u s u a l l y l o o k o n t h e i r w e d d i n g day. O u t s i d e t h e c h u r c h , S c a r l e t t a n d M a t t h e w are w e l c o m i n g t h e guests. As usual, Scarlett is w e a r i n g s o m e t h i n g strange — this t i m e it's a f o r m a l w e d d i n g s u i t , b u t m a d e i n a m a n ' s s t y l e . I t l o o k s q u i t e s w e e t on her, b u t a little bit o d d . S u d d e n l y , she screams! C h e s t e r has
come
—
her
tall,
charming American
from
Carrie
and
Hamish's w e d d i n g . She is delighted! 'I
thought
that
you'd
gone
back
to
America!'
she
says,
excitedly. ' W i t h o u t y o u ? ' h e asks. ' N e v e r ! ' A n d h e g i v e s h e r a b i g kiss. A n o l d m a n a p p e a r s a t t h e d o o r . It's t h e c r a z y m a n w h o sat n e x t t o C h a r l e s a t t h e first w e d d i n g ! ' B r i d e o r g r o o m ? ' M a t t h e w asks h i m , s o t h a t h e c a n s h o w h i m w h e r e t o sit. T h e o l d m a n l o o k s a t h i m a n g r i l y . ' I ' m n e i t h e r ! ' h e says. ' C a n ' t y o u see?' T o m i s l o o k i n g after a y o u n g l a d y c a l l e d D e i r d r e . ' B r i d e o r g r o o m ? ' h e asks h e r . ' B r i d e , ' s h e says. S h e l o o k s l i k e a n i c e g i r l — v e r y g e n t l e a n d p r e t t y . B u t f o r T o m , it's s o m e t h i n g m o r e . It's l o v e a t first s i g h t ! ' H a v e n ' t w e m e t b e f o r e ? ' h e asks h e r . 'Yes, we have, a b o u t t w e n t y - f i v e years ago. W e ' r e
cousins —
w e l l , distant cousins!' she smiles a t h i m . ' Y o u ' r e T o m , aren't y o u ? '
59
' S o y o u ' r e f a m i l y ! W o n d e r f u l — w e l l , d o sit h e r e , D e i r d r e , ' h e says. ' G o o d G o d ! ' h e tells h i m s e l f , a s h e w a l k s a w a y . ' T h u n d e r a n d lightning!' C h a r l e s i s e v e n m o r e n e r v o u s n o w , a s h e s e e s all t h e g u e s t s c o m i n g in. ' G o o d l u c k ! ' says t h e p r i e s t , p a s s i n g by. Lydia and B e r n a r d arrive together, and Charles goes over to welcome
them.
' H o w are y o u ? ' h e asks. ' V e r y t i r e d , a c t u a l l y , ' says B e r n a r d . T h e n C h a r l e s s u d d e n l y sees C a r r i e , w h o has c o m e a l o n e . H e didn't have any idea that she w a s c o m i n g . She's l o o k i n g elegant b u t s h e s e e m s to be in a q u i e t m o o d , a n d a little sad. ' H i ! ' h e says. ' Y o u l o o k lovely. B u t t h e n y o u a l w a y s l o o k n i c e a t weddings!' S h e smiles at h i m . ' H o w ' s H a m i s h ? ' h e asks. ' O h , h e ' s f i n e — I t h i n k , ' s h e says. ' Y o u t h i n k ? ' asks C h a r l e s , s u r p r i s e d . ' W h a t d o y o u m e a n ? ' ' H e w a s n ' t t h e r i g h t m a n f o r m e a f t e r all,' s h e says. ' Y o u ' v e left h i m ? ' ' W e l e f t e a c h o t h e r , ' s h e tells h i m . S h e l o o k s q u i t e w e a k , a n d C h a r l e s leads h e r to a q u i e t p l a c e at t h e side of t h e c h u r c h w h e r e t h e y c a n talk. ' W h e n d i d t h i s h a p p e n ? ' h e asks h e r . ' O h , a f e w m o n t h s ago. M a r c h w a s hell. B u t b y A p r i l , w e ' d m a d e all t h e d e c i s i o n s a n d i t w a s O K . I w o n ' t m a r r y s o m e o n e s o old again!' S h e tries to t u r n it i n t o a j o k e , b u t o b v i o u s l y she is n o t very happy. ' C h a r l i e ! ' calls M a t t h e w . ' T i m e t o g o ! ' ' Y e s , y e s — I ' m c o m i n g , ' says C h a r l e s , n o t r e a l l y l i s t e n i n g t o h i m . ' B u t w h y didn't y o u ring m e up?' ' W e l l , I t h o u g h t a b o u t it,' C a r r i e replies-, ' a n d I w a n t e d t o — b u t
60
t h i n g s w e r e s o d i f f i c u l t t h e n . Y o u ' d b e t t e r g o n o w . I'll s e e y o u later.' ' I ' l l s h o w y o u t o y o u r seat,' C h a r l e s says. ' W e j u s t d i d n ' t g e t i t right, did w e ? If only w e ' d b e e n together at the right time . . . ' ' Y e s , w e g o t i t w r o n g , ' C a r r i e says sadly. ' T e r r i b l e . A w f u l , ' says
Charles, and he
m e a n s i t . ' B u t it's s o
l o v e l y to see y o u ! ' ' W e l l , g o o d l u c k , ' says C a r r i e finally. 'It's v e r y easy, y o u k n o w , g e t t i n g m a r r i e d . Y o u j u s t say, " I d o " w h e n e v e r a n y o n e asks y o u a question.' ' W e ' d b e t t e r g o t o t h e f r o n t , ' M a t t h e w tells C h a r l e s . ' C a n y o u g i v e m e a m o m e n t , M a t t h e w ? ' C h a r l e s asks h i m . ' O f c o u r s e , ' says M a t t h e w , w h o t h i n k s t h a t C h a r l e s w a n t s t o g o to the toilet.
B u t C h a r l e s i s n o l o n g e r i n t h e r i g h t m o o d f o r his w e d d i n g . H e g o e s i n t o a n e m p t y side r o o m a n d says, ' D e a r G o d , p l e a s e f o r g i v e m e f o r w h a t I a m g o i n g t o say i n y o u r c h u r c h - D a m n ! D a m n ! D a m n and hell!' ' C a n I h e l p y o u ? ' asks a s y m p a t h e t i c v o i c e . A p r i e s t s t e p s o u t from behind a curtain in the same r o o m , w h e r e he was washing his h a n d s . I t s e e m s that the r o o m w a s n o t e m p t y . ' O h — n o , t h a n k s ! ' says C h a r l e s , e m b a r r a s s e d . ' I w a s d o i n g s o m e exercises - y o u k n o w , for my v o i c e . T h i s is a b i g church!' ' E x c e l l e n t , I o f t e n do the s a m e m y s e l f - I use rather different w o r d s , o f c o u r s e . I'll l e a v e y o u a l o n e n o w . ' C h a r l e s still c a n n o t c o m e b a c k o u t i n t o t h e c h u r c h , a n d T o m a n d M a t t h e w are g e t t i n g w o r r i e d . ' T h e b r i d e ' s a r r i v i n g n o w , ' says M a t t h e w . A l a r g e b l a c k c a r h a s d r i v e n u p t o t h e c h u r c h a n d H e n r i e t t a gets o u t w i t h h e r father. S h e is dressed finely for the w e d d i n g , in w h i t e , w i t h flowers in h e r hair. ' W e l l , that's g r e a t , ' says T o m . ' B e c a u s e w e ' v e l o s t t h e g r o o m . '
61
' T r y t o k e e p h e r o u t s i d e f o r a b i t , ' says M a t t h e w . ' I ' l l g o a n d l o o k for Charles.' ' M a t t h e w ! ' says C h a r l e s b r i g h t l y w h e n h e s e e s h i s b e s t m a n . He is v e r y unhappy. ' G o o d to see y o u ! Tell me — w h a t do y o u think about marriage?' ' W e l l — ' says M a t t h e w , u n c e r t a i n h o w t o a n s w e r this. ' I t h i n k t h a t it's r e a l l y g o o d , i f y o u l o v e t h e o t h e r p e r s o n w i t h all y o u r h e a r t . ' ' E x a c t l y , ' says C h a r l e s . ' B u t I ' v e b e e n t o s o m a n y w e d d i n g s , a n d n o w it's m y o w n w e d d i n g d a y — a n d I ' m still t h i n k i n g . ' ' W h a t are y o u t h i n k i n g a b o u t ? C a n I ask?' ' N o , n o - b e t t e r n o t , ' says C h a r l e s . T o m is n o w standing at the church door, talking to Henrietta a n d h e r father. ' I ' m t e r r i b l y sorry,' h e says. ' T h e s e r v i c e w i l l b e a f e w m i n u t e s late. T h e r e ' s a p r o b l e m w i t h the flowers.' ' W i t h t h e f l o w e r s ? ' asks H e n r i e t t a . ' W h a t p r o b l e m ? ' S h e c l e a r l y doesn't w a n t
any problems
on
h e r w e l l - p l a n n e d w e d d i n g day.
H e n r i e t t a g e t s a n n o y e d v e r y easily. ' W e l l , ' says T o m , t h i n k i n g h a r d , ' t h e y are m a k i n g s o m e p e o p l e ill, s o w e h a v e t o m o v e t h e m . ' Henrietta and her father l o o k angry, but they wait at the door. People
in
the
church
w o n d e r i n g what's
are
getting
happening. T h e
restless
bride
now
must
too. They're
have
arrived by
now. W h e r e is the groom? 'I with
t h i n k t h e y b e l i e v e d m e ! ' T o m tells S c a r l e t t . H e i s p l e a s e d himself. 'People
think
I ' m stupid, y o u
see. S o
they don't
realize that I c a n tell a c l e v e r lie!' D a v i d has n o w j o i n e d M a t t h e w a n d C h a r l e s i n t h e side r o o m . C h a r l e s still w o n ' t g o b a c k i n t o t h e c h u r c h . H e i s t o o u n h a p p y and
confused.
David
hits
the
table
to
make
a
noise, so
that
Carrie. She
and
Charles will notice him. ' W h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g ? Tell m e ! ' h e signs. ' O h , God,' Charles
signs
back. 'I just
H a m i s h have separated.'
62
saw
' C h a r l e s , it's y o u r w e d d i n g day,' D a v i d tells h i m . ' W h a t ' s y o u r a d v i c e ? ' C h a r l e s asks. 'Well, y o u can do o n e of three things. N u m b e r one: just get married, as y o u ' v e planned.' Charles nods. ' N u m b e r t w o : y o u c a n g o b a c k a n d say, " S o r r y — n o w e d d i n g today!'" David continues. ' I d o n ' t l i k e t h a t i d e a , ' says C h a r l e s . ' W h a t ' s n u m b e r t h r e e ? ' ' N u m b e r t h r e e - ' s i g n s D a v i d . ' W e l l , I c a n ' t t h i n k w h a t t h a t is.' ' H e l l , ' says C h a r l e s . T h e r e is a k n o c k on the door, and the priest c o m e s in. ' H e l l o , ' h e says, s m i l i n g . ' A r e y o u r e a d y t o m e e t t h e e n e m y ? ' ' A r e w e ? ' asks M a t t h e w . It's n o t r e a l l y a j o k e a t all. E v e r y o n e looks at Charles. ' Y e s , ' says C h a r l e s . ' E x c e l l e n t . '
H e tries n o t t o l o o k a t C a r r i e a s h e w a l k s t o t h e front o f t h e c h u r c h a n d sits d o w n . T h e w e d d i n g m u s i c starts, a n d C h a r l e s a n d M a t t h e w stand u p
together. T h e
doors
Henrietta, proud and beautiful, walks
at the back
d o w n the
open, and
aisle w i t h h e r
father. S h e pulls a t h e r father's a r m . S h e i s a n n o y e d w i t h h i m . ' D o n ' t h o l d m e s o tightly, D a d , ' she w h i s p e r s angrily. The
priest begins
to
read aloud
the
words
of the w e d d i n g
service. A s C h a r l e s listens t o t h e priest's w o r d s h e l o o k s c o n f u s e d a n d w o r r i e d . T h e p r i e s t asks w h e t h e r a n y o n e t h i n k s t h a t C h a r l e s and Henrietta should not get married. T h e
question is in the
w e d d i n g s e r v i c e b e c a u s e that i s t h e law. I f e i t h e r t h e b r i d e o r t h e g r o o m i s a l r e a d y m a r r i e d , f o r e x a m p l e , t h e n s o m e o n e m a y say t h a t t h e y are b r e a k i n g t h e l a w . U s u a l l y , o f c o u r s e , n o o n e a n s w e r s the
question.
But
this
time
there
is
k n o c k i n g o n his w o o d e n c h u r c h seat.
63
a
loud
noise.
David
is
' I ' m s o r r y — d o e s s o m e o n e w a n t t o s p e a k ? ' t h e priest asks, v e r y surprised. D a v i d puts u p his h a n d . ' Y e s — w h a t is it?' D a v i d , of course, can't speak aloud, so he b e g i n s to sign to Charles. ' O n e s e c o n d , ' says C h a r l e s , a s h e s i g n s b a c k . ' W h a t ' s g o i n g o n ? ' ' I t h o u g h t o f i d e a n u m b e r t h r e e , ' D a v i d tells h i m . 'What?' ' W i l l y o u translate?' 'Translate w h a t ? ' ' W h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g , C h a r l e s ? ' asks t h e p r i e s t . ' C h a r l e s — what?' a s k s h i s b r i d e . ' H e w a n t s m e t o t r a n s l a t e w h a t h e ' s s a y i n g , ' says C h a r l e s . ' A n d w h a t i s h e s a y i n g ? ' asks t h e p r i e s t . ' H e says: " I s u s p e c t t h a t t h e g r o o m i s h a v i n g d o u b t s . I s u s p e c t that
he
would
groom
like
to
delay
the
wedding.
I
suspect
that
the
...'
' R e a l l y loves a n o t h e r w o m a n , ' signs D a v i d . C h a r l e s d o e s n o t t r a n s l a t e t h i s . 'It's t r u e , i s n ' t i t , C h a r l e s ? T h i n k a b o u t i t , b e c a u s e it's f o r t h e rest o f y o u r l i f e , C h a r l e s . It's f i n a l . S o y o u m u s t o n l y m a r r y t h e p e r s o n w h o y o u l o v e w i t h all y o u r h e a r t . A n d - y o u r t r o u s e r s are u n d o n e ! ' I t i s a k i n d o f j o k e , b u t C h a r l e s l o o k s d o w n a t t h e zip o n his trousers. He is totally confused. ' W h a t ' s h e s a y i n g ? ' asks t h e p r i e s t . 'He
suspects that the
g r o o m loves
another w o m a n , ' answers
Charles. 'And do you? Do you, Charles?' C h a r l e s is silent for a m o m e n t . E v e r y b o d y in the c h u r c h l o o k s s h o c k e d . T h e y a r e all s t a r i n g a t C h a r l e s . H e n r i e t t a i s s t a r i n g a t C h a r l e s t o o . S h e can't b e l i e v e this i s h a p p e n i n g . 'I do,' he replies, in the w o r d s of the w e d d i n g service.
64
Suddenly, Henrietta screams. She throws d o w n her flowers and hits C h a r l e s h a r d i n t h e e y e . H e falls o v e r , a n d s h e h i t s a n d k i c k s h i m a g a i n . S h e has r e a l l y l o s t h e r t e m p e r t h i s t i m e ! S h e i s v e r y , v e r y angry, a n d m a y b e a little c r a z y t o o . S o m e p e o p l e r u s h t o t h e front o f the
church to
help
Henrietta attacking him. T h e
Charles. O t h e r people situation
gets v e r y
try to
stop
confused. T h e
w e d d i n g is certainly not g o i n g to happen today!
B a c k i n C h a r l e s ' s k i t c h e n l a t e r t h a t a f t e r n o o n , e v e r y o n e i s still s h o c k e d . O u t s i d e i t i s p o u r i n g w i t h rain a n d t h e t h u n d e r crashes i n t h e sky. 'My
G o d ! ' says
Scarlett. F o r
once, she
doesn't
really
know
w h a t t o say. ' W e l l , ' says T o m , t r y i n g t o b e h e l p f u l . ' A t l e a s t w e w o n ' t f o r g e t this w e d d i n g ! I m e a n , a l o t o f w e d d i n g s are t h e s a m e , aren't t h e y ? A f t e r w a r d s , y o u c a n ' t r e m e m b e r t h e m a t all. B u t t h i s o n e w a s really different!' ' Y e s - i t d i d n ' t h a v e a w e d d i n g s e r v i c e , ' says M a t t h e w , i n a d r y voice. C h a r l e s d o e s n ' t say a n y t h i n g . H e has a b l a c k e y e . ' P o o r g i r l , ' says F i o n a . ' N o , I r e a l l y m e a n i t — p o o r g i r l ! O K , she's n o t m y f a v o u r i t e p e r s o n i n t h e w o r l d . B u t y o u ' v e d o n e a t e r r i b l e t h i n g , C h a r l e s — I t h i n k it's q u i t e u n f o r g i v a b l e . ' C h a r l e s i s s h o c k e d t o o . H e can't q u i t e b e l i e v e that h e d i d this. ' P o o r H e n , ' h e sa y s , ' I d o n ' t e v e n w a n t t o t h i n k a b o u t i t , it's s o awful.' ' B u t i f y o u w e r e n ' t sure that y o u w a n t e d t o m a r r y h e r o n y o u r w e d d i n g day, t h e n i t w a s p r o b a b l y t h e r i g h t d e c i s i o n , w a s n ' t i t ? ' T o m asks. Usually, Fiona is
rude
about
e v e r y t h i n g that T o m says. B u t
n o w s h e s i m p l y says, ' Y o u ' r e r i g h t , T o m , ' a n d t o u c h e s his c h e e k lovingly.
65
'It's a l o v e l y d r e s s , ' says S c a r l e t t . ' I ' m s u r e i t ' l l b e u s e f u l f o r parties!' ' I b l a m e m y s e l f signs D a v i d . ' W h a t d i d h e s a y ? ' asks M a t t h e w . ' H e says t h a t h e b l a m e s h i m s e l f , ' C h a r l e s t r a n s l a t e s . ' N o ! ' shouts
everyone
together. ' N o , y o u
mustn't
do
that,
David!' ' Y e s , t h e y b l a m e y o u t o o ! ' C h a r l e s u n k i n d l y tells h i s b r o t h e r . T h e d o o r b e l l rings, and e v e r y o n e gets up. ' N o , ' says C h a r l e s . ' I ' l l a n s w e r it. I f t h e r e ' s a p r o b l e m , it's m y problem.' B u t it's C a r r i e a t t h e d o o r . It's p o u r i n g w i t h r a i n , a n d she's very wet. ' H e l l o , ' s h e says. ' H i ! G o d , y o u ' r e w e t ! ' says C h a r l e s . ' C o m e i n ! ' ' N o , n o , I ' m fine,' she replies. ' I ' m so w e t that I can't get any w e t t e r . D o y o u k n o w w h a t I m e a n ? ' S h e s m i l e s a t h i m , b u t she's also v e r y s e r i o u s . ' O K — t h e n I'll c o m e o u t , ' C h a r l e s says. ' N o , p l e a s e d o n ' t ! ' says C a r r i e . ' I j u s t w a n t e d t o s e e i f y o u w e r e all r i g h t . I w a n t e d t o m a k e s u r e t h a t y o u w e r e n ' t k i l l i n g y o u r s e l f or anything.' B u t C h a r l e s steps o u t a n d j o i n s h e r i n t h e rain. T h e y stand together
on
the
pavement,
and
after
a
few
seconds,
he
is
completely w e t too. 'It w a s w r o n g o f m e t o c o m e t o t h e c h u r c h this m o r n i n g — I ' m s o r r y . I c a n s e e t h a t y o u ' r e O K , s o I'd b e t t e r g o n o w ' ' N o — w a i t - I ' m t o b l a m e , n o t y o u , ' says C h a r l e s . ' I b e h a v e d really b a d l y today. B u t I ' m sure a b o u t o n e t h i n g n o w — m a r r i a g e i s n o t r i g h t f o r m e a t all. A n d I l e a r n t a n o t h e r t h i n g . W h e n I w a s s t a n d i n g there
in
the
church, I
realized for the first t i m e
that
I
totally,
c o m p l e t e l y l o v e o n e p e r s o n , w i t h all m y h e a r t . A n d t h a t p e r s o n w a s n ' t m y b r i d e . It's t h e p e r s o n w h o ' s h e r e w i t h m e n o w , i n t h e rain.'
66
'Is i t still r a i n i n g ? ' asks C a r r i e . ' I d i d n ' t n o t i c e . ' ' I n f a c t , I ' v e l o v e d y o u s i n c e t h e first m i n u t e I s a w y o u . Y o u ' r e n o t s u d d e n l y g o i n g a w a y a g a i n , a r e y o u ? ' h e asks i n a l a r m . ' N o , I m i g h t b e w a s h e d a w a y b y the rain, b u t I ' m n o t g o i n g a w a y again.' ' O K , O K , w e ' l l g o b a c k i n , ' says C h a r l e s . ' B u t first, c a n I ask y o u one thing? Do y o u think — do y o u
think that y o u could
a g r e e not t o m a r r y m e ? A f t e r w e ' v e g o t d r y a g a i n , o f c o u r s e . A n d after w e ' v e s p e n t lots
of time
t o g e t h e r . D o y o u t h i n k that y o u
c o u l d a g r e e not t o b e m a r r i e d t o m e , f o r t h e rest o f y o u r l i f e ? ' C a r r i e l o o k s at h i m , her eyes v e r y serious now. ' D o y o u ? ' h e asks h e r . 'I do,' she answers, in t h e w o r d s of t h e w e d d i n g service. T h e y kiss — a n d a b o v e , i n t h e s t o r m y s k i e s o f L o n d o n , t h e r e i s t h u n d e r a n d lightning for Charles too.
67
A n d h o w does the future go? Well, if we m o v e forwards in time a n d take s o m e m o r e p h o t o s , w e see s o m e t h i n g like this: A p i c t u r e o f H e n r i e t t a a t her w e d d i n g . S h e ' s f o r g o t t e n all a b o u t C h a r l e s n o w ; she's m a r r y i n g a h a n d s o m e soldier. H e ' s w e a r i n g a u n i f o r m w i t h a r e d j a c k e t , a n d she's l a u g h i n g a s t h e y l e a v e t h e church. And
here's
a
picture
of Charles's
brother
David,
marrying
Serena. T h e y b o t h l o o k very sweet — a g o o d couple! W h a t a b o u t S c a r l e t t ? Y e s , h e r e ' s a p i c t u r e o f h e r — she's g e t t i n g m a r r i e d t o C h e s t e r , h e r b i g A m e r i c a n . She's w e a r i n g s o m e t h i n g different, as usual — a w h i t e c o w - g i r l hat. There's
a
picture
of T o m
and
Deirdre
too,
taken
at
their
w e d d i n g reception. They're outside Tom's e n o r m o u s house. Tom's black d o g is in the p h o t o too, and Deirdre is w e a r i n g the 'country g i r l ' w e d d i n g dress that C a r r i e refused t o buy. Here's
one
of Matthew, looking
happy
again. He's
found
a
n e w b o y f r i e n d . He's y o u n g e r than G a r e t h — a b o u t the same age a s M a t t h e w . T h e y ' r e a t a p a r t y t o g e t h e r . It's g o o d t h a t M a t t h e w c a n l e a v e all h i s o l d s a d n e s s b e h i n d . And
Fiona? W h o ' s
she
with? Well,
it
seems
to
be
Prince
C h a r l e s ! T h e y ' r e n o t e x a c t l y m a r r i e d y e t , b u t she's o u t w i t h h i m in
public.
He
looks
serious,
as
usual,
but
she's
wearing
an
e n o r m o u s p i n k hat a n d has g o t a b i g smile o n h e r face. C h a r l e s a n d C a r r i e ar e still n o t m a r r i e d . A t l e a s t , t h e r e are n o w e d d i n g p h o t o s , so they can't have g o t married. T h e y must have k e p t t h e i r p r o m i s e . B u t t h e y do h a v e a b a b y — a l o v e l y little boy. In o u r p h o t o , Charles is pointing at the camera and C a r r i e is s m i l i n g . W e c a n see that they're v e r y h a p p y t o g e t h e r , a n d that they're g e t t i n g o n fine w i t h o u t the s o u n d o f w e d d i n g bells!
![Two Weddings [and one near funeral]](https://epdf.mx/img/300x300/two-weddings-and-one-near-funeral_5b8389efb7d7bc4d7c090988.jpg)
