Four Weddings and a Funeral R I C H A R D CURTIS Level 5 Retold by Cherry Gilchrist Series Editors: Andy Hopkins and Jo...
296 downloads
3075 Views
2MB Size
Report
This content was uploaded by our users and we assume good faith they have the permission to share this book. If you own the copyright to this book and it is wrongfully on our website, we offer a simple DMCA procedure to remove your content from our site. Start by pressing the button below!
Report copyright / DMCA form
Four Weddings and a Funeral R I C H A R D CURTIS Level 5 Retold by Cherry Gilchrist Series Editors: Andy Hopkins and Jocelyn Potter
Pearson Education Limited Edinburgh Gate, Harlow, E s s e x C M 2 0 2JE, E n g l a n d a n d Associated C o m p a n i e s throughout the world.
I S B N 0 5 8 2 40262 X
First published by T r a n s w o r l d Publishers L t d 1 9 9 4 T h i s e d i t i o n f i r s t published 1 9 9 9 T h i r d i m p r e s s i o n 1999 O r i g i n a l c o p y r i g h t © P o l y g r a m Film P r o d u k t i o n G M b H 1 9 9 3 Text copyright © Penguin B o o k s 1999 All rights reserved A d a p t a t i o n o f this screenplay b y k i n d permission o f R i c h a r d C u r t i s
T h e r i g h t o f R i c h a r d C u r t i s t o b e identified a s the o r i g i n a l a u t h o r o f this w o r k has b e e n asserted i n a c c o r d a n c e w i t h sections 7 7 and 7 8 o f the C o p y r i g h t D e s i g n s and Patents A c t
Typeset by Digital Type, L o n d o n Set in 1 2 / 1 4 p t B e m b o P r i n t e d i n Spain b y M a t e u C r o m o , S.A. P i n t o (Madrid)
All rights reserved; no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the Publishers.
Acknowledgements
P h o t o g r a p h s c o p y r i g h t © P o l y g r a m / P i c t o r i a l Press
A verse of 'Funeral B l u e s ' by W. H. A u d e n (Another Time, 1940) is reprinted from Collected Poems edited by E d w a r d M e n d e l s o n , by p e r m i s s i o n o f Faber and Faber Ltd o n b e h a l f o f the A u d e n Estate
P e n g u i n B o o k s gratefully a c k n o w l e d g e s that R o w a n A t k i n s o n , S i m o n C a l l o w , Charlotte C o l e m a n , H u g h Grant, David Haig, John Hannah, Andie MacDowell, Kristin S c o t t T h o m a s and S o p h i e T h o m p s o n have g i v e n permission for p h o t o g r a p h s from Four Weddings and a Funeral to be used in return for a d o n a t i o n o f £ 1 , 0 0 0 for T h e D i a n a , Princess o f Wales M e m o r i a l F u n d , registered charity n u m b e r : 1 0 6 4 2 3 8
Published by Pearson Education Limited in association with P e n g u i n B o o k s Ltd., b o t h c o m p a n i e s b e i n g subsidiaries o f Pearson
Plc
Contents page v
Introduction The People in this Story
vi
Chapter 1
The First Wedding
Chapter 2
The Second Wedding
22
Chapter 3
A Free Saturday
36
Chapter 4
The Third Wedding
45
Chapter 5
A Funeral
52
Chapter 6
The Fourth Wedding
56
Activities
1
69
Introduction It's a s u m m e r Saturday m o r n i n g , a n d C h a r l e s is still asleep. He s h o u l d be on his w a y to A n g u s and Laura's w e d d i n g already! C h a r l e s is always late, and h e i s always g o i n g t o w e d d i n g s . B u t t h e y are always o t h e r p e o p l e ' s w e d d i n g s , n e v e r his o w n . H e has h a d p l e n t y o f girlfriends, b u t h e i s w o r r i e d that h e w i l l n e v e r find the r i g h t w o m a n t o marry. H e n r i e t t a , o n e o f his o l d girlfriends, thinks that h e has a b i g p r o b l e m w i t h w o m e n . B u t w h e n h e d o e s m e e t a beautiful w o m a n called C a r r i e , h e w a n t s t o b e w i t h h e r v e r y m u c h . T h e t r o u b l e is, h e can't d e c i d e q u i c k l y e n o u g h , and she marries a n o t h e r m a n . T h i s is a story a b o u t love; it takes us to f o u r w e d d i n g s . T h r e e of t h e w e d d i n g s are for Charles's friends. W h o is t h e f o u r t h for? T h e r e are a f e w surprises at the f o u r t h w e d d i n g ! It is also a s t o r y a b o u t Charles's g r o u p o f friends. W e m e e t t h e lively Scarlett, i n h e r strange c l o t h e s , T o m and F i o n a , the r i c h b r o t h e r and sister, and G a r e t h , t h e ' r u d e , fat m a n ' . T h e r e i s sadness t o o i n t h e story, w h e n o n e o f the friends dies suddenly. T h e funeral teaches p e o p l e a lot, and after it C h a r l e s finally d e c i d e s w h a t to do — or d o e s he? T h e f i l m was m a d e i n 1 9 9 3 and i s e n o r m o u s l y p o p u l a r . H u g h G r a n t i s C h a r l e s , and A n d i e M a c D o w e l l i s C a r r i e . R i c h a r d C u r t i s w r o t e t h e w o r d s for the f i l m , and h e h a d t o r e w r i t e t h e m s e v e n t e e n times! H i s girlfriend E m m a m a d e h i m w r i t e a l o t o f i t again. S h e u s e d t o w r i t e t h e letters C D B o n his pages, w h i c h m e a n t ' C o u l d D o B e t t e r ' !
People
s u g g e s t e d f i f t y - f o u r different n a m e s for the f i l m . O n e o f t h e m w a s Always Late, a n d o n e w a s In Love in England. A c t u a l l y t h e s t o r y says a l o t about
love
and
weddings
in
Britain
today.
People
ask
themselves
questions like: ' S h o u l d w e have a b i g w e d d i n g ? S h o u l d i t b e i n t h e w a y that o u r parents w a n t ? O r s h o u l d w e g e t m a r r i e d a t all?'
V
The People in this Story T h e r e are a l o t of different p e o p l e in this story. T h i s list is for y o u to l o o k b a c k at, and c h e c k w h o ' s w h o , a s y o u read. T h e t w o m o s t i m p o r t a n t characters are: CHARLES (also s o m e t i m e s called C h a r l i e ) : An attractive u n m a r r i e d m a n w h o has h a d a lot of different girlfriends. B u t he doesn't really fall in l o v e until h e m e e t s C a r r i e . CARRIE: A beautiful
young American
woman
who
has
worked
in
fashion. O t h e r i m p o r t a n t characters are: SCARLETT: A lively y o u n g w o m a n w h o shares a flat w i t h C h a r l e s . S h e is n o t his g i r l f r i e n d . S h e w o u l d like to find a b o y f r i e n d , b u t can't y e t find the r i g h t p e r s o n . TOM: A r i c h b u t n o t v e r y c l e v e r f r i e n d o f C h a r l e s , w h o has n o girlfriend b u t is always s e a r c h i n g for l o v e . He finally finds it at the e n d of this story. FIONA: T o m ' s sister. S h e is v e r y c l e v e r a n d e l e g a n t , u n l i k e h e r b r o t h e r . S h e d o e s n ' t have a b o y f r i e n d b e c a u s e she i s i n l o v e w i t h s o m e o n e w h o d o e s n ' t l o v e her. HENRIETTA: S h e is an o l d g i r l f r i e n d of Charles's a n d she is still in l o v e with
him. Unfortunately, Charles
is
not in
love w i t h
her. P e o p l e
s o m e t i m e s call h e r ' D u c k - F a c e ' b e h i n d h e r b a c k . GARETH: A l o u d , l i v e l y f r i e n d o f Charles's w h o enjoys his f o o d and d r i n k , a n d lives w i t h his b o y f r i e n d , M a t t h e w . MATTHEW: Q u i e t e r than G a r e t h , k i n d and intelligent. M a t t h e w a n d G a r e t h have lived t o g e t h e r h a p p i l y for a l o n g t i m e . JOHN: H e n r i e t t a ' s b r o t h e r . He is a v e r y b o r i n g m a n , and the g r o u p of friends d o n ' t usually i n v i t e h i m t o t h e i r m e e t i n g s and parties. DAVID: Charles's y o u n g e r b r o t h e r . He is deaf, and c a n o n l y speak in sign l a n g u a g e , t h e l a n g u a g e o f t h e hands w h i c h m a n y d e a f p e o p l e use.
vi
S E R E N A : A n affectionate y o u n g w o m a n , w h o falls i n l o v e w i t h D a v i d . S h e learns sign l a n g u a g e specially s o that she c a n c o m m u n i c a t e w i t h him. B E R N A R D : T o m ' s best friend. H e and Lydia g e t t o g e t h e r a t t h e f i r s t w e d d i n g , and theirs is the s e c o n d w e d d i n g in t h e story. L Y D I A : Laura's b r i d e s m a i d a t the f i r s t w e d d i n g . S h e d o e s n ' t t h i n k m u c h o f B e r n a r d a t the b e g i n n i n g , b u t q u i c k l y c h a n g e s h e r m i n d w h e n h e starts to kiss her! G E R A L D : A y o u n g priest. H e i s still s t u d y i n g a t t h e t i m e o f t h e f i r s t w e d d i n g . H e i s ready t o take the s e c o n d w e d d i n g s e r v i c e i n t h e s t o r y b u t he is n o t v e r y s e l f - c o n f i d e n t .
vii
Chapter 1
T h e First Wedding
You are invited to the wedding of Angus and Laura on
May
1st at
St John's
Church,
Stoke
Clandon,
Somerset
It's A n g u s a n d L a u r a ' s w e d d i n g day, a n d C h a r l e s i s g o i n g t o b e their best m a n . T h e best m a n has t o l o o k after t h e b r i d e g r o o m a n d g i v e h i m t h e w e d d i n g r i n g . T h e best m a n also has t o b e a t the church on time, but Charles is never punctual. He is not even awake
yet. T h e
alarm
clock
rings loudly next
to
his b e d . H e
r e a c h e s o u t h i s h a n d , t u r n s i t off, a n d g o e s b a c k t o s l e e p . T h e w e d d i n g i s i n t h e w e s t o f E n g l a n d , w h i c h i s a t least t w o o r three h o u r s b y car from L o n d o n , w h e r e C h a r l e s lives. S o m e o f his o t h e r friends are a w a k e t h o u g h . T h e y ' l l b e a t t h e w e d d i n g b e f o r e C h a r l e s . I n t h e i r l a r g e , f i n e h o u s e , T o m a n d F i o n a ar e u p and getting ready to
g o . T h e y ar e b r o t h e r a n d sister, a n d t h e y
c o m e f r o m a v e r y r i c h family. T h e y are o p p o s i t e t y p e s o f p e o p l e : F i o n a i s a tall, e l e g a n t a n d c l e v e r w o m a n ; T o m i s a h a p p y , b u t n o t very intelligent, man. T o m e n j o y s his f o o d , a n d he's n o w e a t i n g a large breakfast w h i l e F i o n a c h o o s e s w h a t to w e a r . Finally, she zips h e r s e l f i n t o a s m a r t dress. S h e
goes
downstairs to
the
d i n i n g - r o o m and the
m a i d g i v e s h e r a c u p o f b l a c k c o f f e e . S h e q u i c k l y d r i n k s it, a n d t h e y s e t off. It's S a t u r d a y , s o t h e traffic i s n o t t o o b a d , b u t t h e y mustn't delay any longer. On
their
way
out
of London,
they
call
for
Gareth
and
M a t t h e w , w h o live t o g e t h e r i n a n attractive, c o u n t r y - s t y l e h o u s e . M a t t h e w is a c o o l b u t k i n d , s y m p a t h e t i c p e r s o n - a S c o t s m a n in his thirties. G a r e t h i s a large, fat m a n o f a b o u t f o r t y - f i v e . H i s hair i s a l i t t l e g r e y , b u t h i s b e a r d i s still b l a c k . H e l i k e s t o w e a r q u i t e elegant, but v e r y bright clothes. He loves to j o k e , and is often
1
q u i t e r u d e t o o t h e r p e o p l e . G a r e t h a n d M a t t h e w ar e b o y f r i e n d s . ' L a t e ! Y o u ' r e late!' h e s h o u t s , p o i n t i n g a t his w a t c h . B u t T o m and F i o n a k n o w G a r e t h well, and don't take any notice. T h e y a r e n o t a s l a t e a s C h a r l e s t h o u g h , w h o i s still a s l e e p . Finally, t h e sun shines o n t o h i m t h r o u g h the b e d r o o m curtains a n d h e w a k e s u p . H e takes t h e a l a r m c l o c k o f f t h e table n e a r his b e d a n d l o o k s a t it. ' O h G o d ! ' h e says. H e i s r e a l l y a w a k e t h i s t i m e . Charles
is
thirty-three
years
old, g o o d - l o o k i n g , and
always
late. H e j u m p s o u t o f b e d a n d rushes i n t o Scarlett's b e d r o o m . C h a r l e s a n d S c a r l e t t s h a r e a flat t o g e t h e r . T h e y a r e f r i e n d s , b u t n o t lovers.
Her
room
is
a
terrible
mess
-
there
are
clothes
e v e r y w h e r e . He picks up her red alarm clock and puts it u n d e r h e r n o s e . S h e o p e n s h e r eyes sleepily. ' O h hell!' Scarlett is t w e n t y - f i v e , lively, a n d a real L o n d o n girl. Y o u c a n h e a r i t i n h e r v o i c e — she's
certainly n o t f r o m an upper-class
family! T h e y h u r r y t o g e t ready, a n d r u n o u t t o t h e car, c a r r y i n g s o m e o f their f o r m a l w e d d i n g clothes w i t h t h e m . T h e car i s Charles's, a n d it's v e r y o l d . T h e e n g i n e w o n ' t start. 'Oh
God!
Oh
hell!'
says
Charles. 'Right, we'd
better
take
yours.' ' M i n e ? ' says S c a r l e t t . ' B u t i t o n l y g o e s a t f o r t y m i l e s a n h o u r ! ' Charles
drives
her
car
so
fast
along
the
motorway
that
it
s h a k e s . I t i s a v e r y s m a l l , r e d c a r , a n d it's a l s o v e r y o l d a n d r u s t y . T h e e n g i n e m a k e s a t e r r i b l e n o i s e . S c a r l e t t can't h a v e l o o k e d after it v e r y well! ' W h a t r o a d are w e l o o k i n g f o r ? ' asks C h a r l e s . Scarlett has a m a p , b u t she hasn't l o o k e d at it y e t . S h e p i c k s it u p j u s t a s t h e y pass a m o t o r w a y e x i t s i g n . ' I h o p e it's n o t t h e B 3 5 9 , ' C h a r l e s says w h e n h e s e e s t h e s i g n behind him.
2
S c a r l e t t f i n d s t h e r i g h t p l a c e o n t h e m a p . 'It's t h e B 3 5 9 , ' s h e says p r o u d l y . ' D a m n ! ' says C h a r l e s . H e s u d d e n l y p u t s h i s f o o t o n t h e b r a k e a n d starts t o d r i v e b a c k w a r d s a l o n g t h e m o t o r w a y . T h e r e i s a l o r r y coming
up
fast
behind
them,
and
there
is
nearly
a
terrible
accident. C h a r l e s turns the car on to the exit road. ' O h , h e l l a n d d a m n ! ' h e says a g a i n .
It is a beautiful s u n n y day n o t l o n g after n o o n as t h e y arrive at the small c h u r c h i n t h e p e a c e f u l c o u n t r y s i d e . T h e c h u r c h bells are r i n g i n g a n d all t h e o t h e r g u e s t s a r e a l r e a d y i n s i d e . C h a r l e s a n d Scarlett j u m p o u t o f t h e car. C h a r l e s hasn't f i n i s h e d d r e s s i n g a n d neither
has
Scarlett. T h e y
quickly
put
on
the
rest
of their
w e d d i n g c l o t h e s . F o r C h a r l e s , it's a f o r m a l s u i t . B u t S c a r l e t t i s w e a r i n g a b r i g h t o r a n g e dress w i t h p u r p l e a r o u n d t h e w a i s t , a n d an o r a n g e hat to m a t c h . C h a r l e s tries to h e l p h e r do it up at the back, b u t the zip gets stuck. ' H e l l , h e l l i s h h e l l ! ' says C h a r l e s , p u l l i n g a t t h e z i p . ' D a m n a n d h e l l ! ' says S c a r l e t t . S h e t r i e s t o g e t h i s t i e s t r a i g h t . A v e r y large smart car drives up b e h i n d t h e m . T h e b r i d e is c o m i n g . S h e gets o u t o f t h e car i n h e r b e a u t i f u l w h i t e w e d d i n g dress. One
of
her
bridesmaids
wonderful bunches 'Oh
no!' Charles
helps
her.
They
are
both
holding
o f flowers. says, a n d
they begin
to
run
towards
the
c h u r c h . T h e y s m i l e a n d w a v e a t t h e b r i d e a s t h e y pass h e r . T h e c h u r c h i s f u l l o f f l o w e r s a n d all t h e w o m e n g u e s t s are w e a r i n g e l e g a n t hats. C h a r l e s a n d Scarlett l o o k a r o u n d a n d finally see t h e i r friends, F i o n a a n d T o m , G a r e t h a n d M a t t h e w . T h e y g o over to them. F i o n a says t o
Charles, 'There
is
a sort of greatness in y o u r
lateness.' ' T h a n k s , ' C h a r l e s replies. ' I h a v e t o w o r k h a r d a t it, y o u k n o w . '
3
S c a r l e t t sits d o w n w i t h t h e m , b u t C h a r l e s p u t s a p i n k f l o w e r i n t h e b u t t o n h o l e o f his j a c k e t a n d w a l k s o n u p t h e c h u r c h t o A n g u s , t h e b r i d e g r o o m , w h o i s w a i t i n g n e r v o u s l y f o r his best m a n . ' S o r r y s o r r y , ' says C h a r l e s . ' T h e r e ' s n o e x c u s e , I k n o w . I'll k i l l m y s e l f afterwards, i f y o u like.' ' I t d o e s n ' t m a t t e r , ' says A n g u s . ' I f y o u h a d n ' t c o m e T o m w o u l d have taken y o u r place.' 'Thanks, T o m
-
you're
wonderful! W h a t
a
terrible
haircut
though!' Charles jokes. ' Y o u h a v e n ' t f o r g o t t e n t h e r i n g , h a v e y o u ? ' asks A n g u s . T h e best m a n is always given the ring to b r i n g to the church. ' N o , n o , o f c o u r s e not.' C h a r l e s t o u c h e s his p o c k e t c o n f i d e n t l y . B u t h e i s s e c r e t l y a l a r m e d . W h e r e i s t h e r i n g ? W h e n A n g u s isn't l o o k i n g , h e s e a r c h e s f o r i t i n h i s p o c k e t s , b u t t h e y ar e all e m p t y . O h G o d ! H e m u s t h a v e left i t a t h o m e ! Just t h e n , an attractive girl in a large black hat a n d w h i t e j a c k e t walks into the church. C h a r l e s a n d several o t h e r guests t u r n to l o o k at her. ' L a t e ! ' says C h a r l e s . ' I h a t e i t w h e n p e o p l e are l a t e ! Hate it.' T h i s m a k e s A n g u s s m i l e a l i t t l e a n d h e s e e m s less n e r v o u s n o w . T h e n t h e w e d d i n g m u s i c starts. ' H e r e w e g o ! ' says C h a r l e s , a n d A n g u s t u r n s r o u n d t o l o o k a t his b r i d e , w h o
is w a l k i n g up
t h e aisle
towards him. Laura is
h o l d i n g o n t o h e r f a t h e r ' s a r m , a n d she's w e a r i n g a v e r y e x p e n s i v e white
w e d d i n g dress. S h e
has
two
little
bridesmaids, and
one
older bridesmaid, a y o u n g w o m a n called Lydia. ' O h , isn't she b e a u t i f u l ! ' b r e a t h e s Scarlett. ' Y o u ' r e b l i n d , ' says F i o n a s h a r p l y . ' S h e l o o k s l i k e a b i g w h i t e cake.' ' D e a r f r i e n d s , I a m s o h a p p y t o w e l c o m e y o u h e r e today,' t h e priest
begins
the
service.
'Welcome
to
our
church
on
this
w o n d e r f u l day for A n g u s and Laura!' But Charles is looking around him, wondering what to do
4
a b o u t t h e r i n g . W h e n h e s e e s t h e g i r l i n t h e b l a c k h a t , h e starts t o think
about
remembers
other
that
things
there
is
a
—
she's
more
very
attractive.
Then
he
u r g e n t p r o b l e m . E v e r y o n e is
s i n g i n g n o w . H e tries t o m a k e o n e o f his friends n o t i c e h i m , b u t has n o l u c k . A t last M a t t h e w l o o k s a t h i m . C h a r l e s p o i n t s a t h i s o w n r i n g f i n g e r a n d t h e p a i n o n h i s f a c e tells M a t t h e w w h a t t h e p r o b l e m is. 'Please! H e l p m e ! ' C h a r l e s silently m a k e s t h e w o r d s w i t h his lips. M a t t h e w whispers to Gareth, but Gareth holds o u t b o t h hands t o s h o w that there i s n o r i n g o n t h e m . H e w h i s p e r s t o F i o n a , a n d t o several m o r e friends t o o . N o n e o f t h e m i s w e a r i n g a r i n g . C h a r l e s will be in big trouble! T h e singing is c o m i n g to an e n d now. Scarlett is singing v e r y l o u d l y and enthusiastically but n o t v e r y well. M a t t h e w interrupts her. ' S c a r l e t t ! ' w h i s p e r s M a t t h e w . S h e i s t h e i r last h o p e . S h e s m i l e s b a c k at h i m innocently. W h e n the priest b e g i n s to read the n e x t words of the service, M a t t h e w nods to Charles — yes, they've got something! ' I ' l l b e b a c k i n a m o m e n t ! ' C h a r l e s says t o t h e g r o o m , w h o looks alarmed. The
priest
continues
to
speak:
'Do
you
promise
to
love
her . . . ? ' w h i l e C h a r l e s g o e s d o w n the side o f the c h u r c h t o find Matthew. A n g u s , the b r i d e g r o o m , is saying 'I do.' Matthew
hands
something
to
Charles,
and
Charles
looks
s u r p r i s e d a t w h a t M a t t h e w has g i v e n h i m . 'It's t h e b e s t I c o u l d d o , ' w h i s p e r s M a t t h e w . Charles rushes back to the front of the c h u r c h . ' D o y o u h a v e t h e r i n g ? ' asks t h e p r i e s t . W h e n h e sees it, h e i s q u i t e s u r p r i s e d t o o . A n g u s p u t s t h e r i n g on to his bride's finger. It is in t h e shape of a large, b r i g h t l y c o l o u r e d plastic heart.
5
W h i l e t h e h a p p y c o u p l e are s i g n i n g t h e i r n a m e s a t t h e b a c k o f t h e c h u r c h , t h e b r i d e ' s sister a n d h e r b o y f r i e n d c o m e f o r w a r d s w i t h a g u i t a r t o s i n g p o p m u s i c . It's a n o l d B a r r y M a n i l o w s o n g . G a r e t h h o l d s his h e a d i n his h a n d s . T h e n h e p r e t e n d s t o s h o o t himself. H e i s letting e v e r y b o d y k n o w that i t i s o n e o f the m o s t terrible things he has ever heard. At
last
it's
time
g r o o m and the
to
leave
the
guests w a l k o u t
happy. E v e r y b o d y is
smiling
and
church. W h e n of the
church
the
bride, the
they look very
chatting. Charles
catches
up
w i t h the girl in the black hat outside. ' T h a t ' s a g r e a t h a t , ' h e says. ' T h a n k s — I b o u g h t it specially' she smiles at h i m . He can hear f r o m h e r a c c e n t that she's A m e r i c a n . Now
it's
time
for
the
wedding
photos. T h e
photographer
arranges the bride, the g r o o m and the family in groups for the different p i c t u r e s . A little b o y spoils o n e o f t h e m w h e n h e tries t o h i d e u n d e r t h e b i g skirts o f t h e b r i d e ' s w e d d i n g dress. H e t h i n k s it's f u n n y — b u t t h e o t h e r s d o n ' t . C h a r l e s a n d h i s f r i e n d s all g e t t o g e t h e r i n t h e i r o w n g r o u p t o chat. T h e r e ' s M a t t h e w a n d G a r e t h , there's F i o n a a n d T o m , and o f course the lively Scarlett. There's Charles's brother, D a v i d , too, w h o i s d e a f a n d c o m m u n i c a t e s i n sign l a n g u a g e u s i n g his h a n d s . A n d there's also B e r n a r d , w h o is T o m ' s best f r i e n d — he is like T o m , a k i n d m a n , but n o t v e r y clever. T o m enjoyed the w e d d i n g and so did Bernard. ' I t h o u g h t i t w a s g o o d , v e r y g o o d , ' says T o m . ' W h a t d i d y o u think?' ' O h . y e s , a p o d , v e r y g o o d , ' replies B e r n a r d . ' S c a r l e t t , ' says G a r e t h , ' w h a t a n a m u s i n g dress! P u r p l e f o r t h e C h r i s t i a n c h u r c h , a n d o r a n g e f o r t h e w i l d n a t u r a l w o r l d . J u s t like t h e m e a n i n g o f t h e w e d d i n g itself, d o n ' t y o u t h i n k ? ' ' Y e s — that's r i g h t , ' says S c a r l e t t , w h o d o e s n ' t r e a l l y k n o w w h a t he means.
6
' D o e s a n y b o d y k n o w , ' asks C h a r l e s , ' w h o t h e g i r l i n t h e b l a c k h a t is?' T h e y all l o o k a t h e r . S h e i s s t a n d i n g n o t f a r a w a y , t a l k i n g t o somebody's grandmother. ' H e r n a m e ' s C a r r i e , ' says F i o n a . ' S h e ' s pretty,' says C h a r l e s . ' A w f u l g i r l ! ' says F i o n a . ' S h e ' s A m e r i c a n . S h e u s e d t o w o r k a t Vogue, t h e f a s h i o n m a g a z i n e . * S h e l i v e s i n A m e r i c a n o w , a n d s h e only goes o u t w i t h v e r y smart, elegant p e o p l e . S o y o u can forget a b o u t her, Charles.' Fiona is n o t completely serious. 'It's a g o o d t h i n g y o u t o l d m e , ' says C h a r l e s , w h o k n o w s t h i s . 'Thanks.' T h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m l e a v e t h e guests a n d g e t i n t o t h e i r car. T h e y l o o k v e r y happy. P e o p l e w a v e at t h e m as the car is b e i n g d r i v e n away. ' R i g h t , ' says G a r e t h . ' I t ' s t i m e f o r t h e r e c e p t i o n . '
T h e guests have to w a l k t h r o u g h a f a r m to get to the r e c e p t i o n . I t i s v e r y pretty, b u t T o m steps i n s o m e c o w mess. ' D i d a n y o f y o u d o this t o o ? ' h e asks, l o o k i n g a t his s h o e . ' T y p i c a l ! ' says F i o n a . ' O n l y m y b r o t h e r c o u l d d o t h a t ! ' ' W e l l , ' said T o m , ' I
m i g h t find love
at the
reception. There
m i g h t be a really nice girl there! I don't w a n t to spoil my g o o d l u c k w i t h a horrible smell!' H e stops t o c l e a n his s h o e , a n d t h e o t h e r s w a l k o n t o w a r d s t h e house. T h e
bride
outside
a
in
line.
and
groom
and
Everybody
has
their to
families
shake
their
c o n g r a t u l a t e t h e m a s t h e y g o past. ' I n e v e r k n o w w h a t t o say,' says F i o n a .
* A magazine w h i c h is v e r y f a m o u s in Britain and A m e r i c a .
7
ar e
standing
hands
and
'It's easy. J u s t s a y " Y o u m u s t b e v e r y p r o u d , ' " M a t t h e w a d v i s e s h e r . ' T h a t ' s w h a t e v e r y o n e says.' ' G o d , n o ! ' says F i o n a . T h e y w a l k u p the line. ' Y o u m u s t b e v e r y p r o u d o f y o u r d a u g h t e r , ' says F i o n a , a s s h e shakes the h a n d of the bride's father. T h e reception is b e i n g held in a very large and smart tent, on t h e grass a t t h e f r o n t o f t h e h o u s e . I t i s full o f f l o w e r s , a n d l o o k s v e r y b e a u t i f u l . T h e guests are e l e g a n t t o o , b u t i n a c o m f o r t a b l e , n o t t o o r i c h w a y . M o s t o f t h e m e n are w e a r i n g d a r k s u i t s , a n d a l o t o f t h e w o m e n h a v e dresses w i t h flowers o n t h e m . T h e d r i n k s are b e i n g s e r v e d b y w a i t e r s a n d waitresses, a n d a t t h e b a c k o f t h e t e n t , t h e b a n d i s g e t t i n g r e a d y t o play. Charles pushes t h r o u g h the c r o w d , trying to find Carrie. B u t w h e n he finally sees her, she is already t a l k i n g to a g o o d - l o o k i n g man. ' T h e r a t ! ' says C h a r l e s . H e g o e s b a c k t o t h e d r i n k s t a b l e a n d takes
two
glasses
of wine. W h e n he
turns
r o u n d again, she
is
a l o n e . He offers h e r a d r i n k . ' O h — h e l l o ! ' h e says b r i g h t l y . ' D o y o u w a n t o n e o f t h e s e ? ' ' T h a n k you,' C a r r i e replies. Charles
badly
wants
to
talk
to
her, but
he
can't
think
of
a n y t h i n g t o say. 'Ah -
m m m —'
T h e situation is father embarrassing for t h e m both. Before
he can think of something, another m a n joins them.
T h i s is J o h n , w h o is a b o u t thirty-eight, but behaves like a m a n of sixty. H e i s v e r y f o r m a l . ' H e l l o C h a r l e s , ' h e says. ' A h , h e l l o , d e a r J o h n — h o w are y o u ? T h i s i s . . . ' 'Carrie,' answers C a r r i e for h i m . 'I'm delighted to m e e t y o u . My name's John.' T h e y a r e all s i l e n t f o r a m o m e n t — w h o i s g o i n g t o s p e a k
8
first? C h a r l e s d e c i d e s t o b e t h e f i r s t . 'So, J o h n , h o w ' s that lovely girlfriend of yours?' ' S h e ' s n o t m y g i r l f r i e n d n o w , ' h e r e p l i e s stiffly. ' O h d e a r — w e l l , d o n ' t b e sad! I h e a r d t h a t s h e w a s still s e e i n g o l d T o b y d e Lisle! S h e n e e d e d t w o m e n , y o u k n o w ! ' ' S h e i s n o w m y w i f e , ' says J o h n , e v e n m o r e s t i f f l y T h e situation is n o w even m o r e embarrassing than before. ' E x c e l l e n t , e x c e l l e n t ! ' says C h a r l e s , v e r y u n c o m f o r t a b l y . ' M a y I c o n g r a t u l a t e y o u ? A n d i s t h e r e t h e s o u n d o f little f e e t y e t ? Y o u k n o w - b a b i e s , a n d all t h a t ? N o ? O h w e l l , p l e n t y o f t i m e f o r t h a t , isn't t h e r e ? ' ' E x c u s e m e , ' says C a r r i e , a m u s e d . S h e w a l k s a w a y . C h a r l e s tells h i m s e l f t h a t h e i s a f o o l . I f h e h a d n ' t s a i d t h o s e stupid things, C a r r i e w o u l d n ' t have g o n e , and J o h n w o u l d n ' t have b e e n h u r t . H e hits his h e a d against a tree o n p u r p o s e , t h e n tries t o say h e l l o t o a n o l d l a d y w h o i s w a l k i n g p a s t . S h e t h i n k s h e i s c r a z y . Fiona
has
found
a
man
called
Gerald
to
talk
to. He
looks
i n n o c e n t , b u t a bit strange t o o . He is w e a r i n g a d a r k suit a n d a black pullover. ' W h a t d o y o u d o ? ' s h e asks h i m . ' I ' m s t u d y i n g to be a priest,' he answers. ' G o o d G o d , ' says F i o n a . ' D o y o u d o w e d d i n g s ? ' 'Not
yet —
I
will
do
later, o f c o u r s e .
It'll
make
me
very
n e r v o u s , I c a n tell y o u ! ' H e l a u g h s u n c o m f o r t a b l y . ' T h a t ' s j u s t l i k e t h e first t i m e o n e h a s s e x , isn't i t ? ' F i o n a says sweetly. G e r a l d is e v e n m o r e embarrassed now. ' A h — well, I suppose s o —' ' N o t so m u c h mess, though,' Fiona continues, but Gerald can't r e p l y a t all n o w . D a v i d has c o m e o v e r t o t a l k t o C h a r l e s , h i s b r o t h e r . C h a r l e s knows
sign
language
for
the
deaf
very
well,
and
c o m m u n i c a t e d like this w i t h D a v i d since t h e y w e r e c h i l d r e n .
9
has
' H o w a r e y o u d o i n g ? ' D a v i d asks w i t h h i s h a n d s . ' D o y o u r e m e m b e r that t i m e w h e n w e w e r e playing w i t h the e n g i n e o n D a d ' s m o t o r b o a t , a n d m y l e g was almost cut off?' 'Yes.' ' W e l l , this is w o r s e . ' S o m e b o d y has b e e n w a t c h i n g D a v i d — a pretty girl w i t h l o n g r e d hair. S h e is w e a r i n g a b r i g h t y e l l o w hat. H e r n a m e is S e r e n a . She points at David. ' W h o ' s t h a t b o y o v e r t h e r e i n t h e g r e y s u i t ? ' s h e asks M a t t h e w . 'His name's David,' M a t t h e w answers. ' H e ' s v e r y attractive, isn't h e ? ' s h e says. ' Y e s — I ' v e a l w a y s t h o u g h t so.' ' W h y are t h e y u s i n g t h e i r h a n d s l i k e that?' she asks. ' H e c a n ' t h e a r . H e ' s deaf,' says M a t t h e w . ' O h — g o o d heavens!' 'Silent, b u t v e r y attractive,' M a t t h e w c o n t i n u e s . A n d n o w t h e f a t h e r o f t h e b r i d e tells e v e r y o n e t h a t d i n n e r i s b e i n g s e r v e d . H e a s k s t h e m t o g o i n t o t h e t e n t a n d sit d o w n . T h e y all f i n d t h e i r w a y t o t h e i r t a b l e s . J o h n sits d o w n n e x t t o h i s w i f e , n o t a s h a p p y w i t h h e r a s h e w a s earlier n o w that h e k n o w s a b o u t T o b y d e L i s l e . C a r r i e sits n e x t t o G e o r g e , a n o t h e r s t i f f a n d b o r i n g type of m a n w h o read a piece from the Bible v e r y l o u d l y a t t h e w e d d i n g s e r v i c e . S c a r l e t t sits d o w n n e x t t o a c o m p l e t e s t r a n g e r , a n d g i v e s h i m a b i g kiss o n t h e m o u t h . ' H i — my name's Scarlett! D o n ' t let me d r i n k t o o m u c h — I get m u c h too friendly!' C h a r l e s , a s b e s t m a n , h a s t o sit o n t h e t o p t a b l e w i t h t h e f a m i l y H e sits d o w n n e x t t o a n o l d m a n , w h o l o o k s a n n o y e d . ' H o w do y o u do — my n a m e is Charles.' 'Don't
be
stupid!'
the
old
man
says
angrily. 'Charles
t w e n t y years ago!' ' W e l l , that m u s t be a different Charles.' ' A r e y o u telling m e that I don't k n o w m y o w n brother?'
10
died
C h a r l e s c a n see that the o l d m a n is o b v i o u s l y m a d . ' N o , n o , o f c o u r s e n o t , ' C h a r l e s says h u r r i e d l y , a n d t r i e s n o t t o have any m o r e conversation w i t h h i m .
D i n n e r is served, a n d e v e r y b o d y b e g i n s to eat. L a u r a , t h e b r i d e , is v e r y happy, a n d l a u g h s a n d talks w i t h e v e r y o n e n e a r her. E v e n A n g u s is smiling, w h i c h is unusual for h i m . In E n g l a n d it is a c u s t o m f o r t h e b e s t m a n t o m a k e a s p e e c h a n d a t last it's t i m e f o r C h a r l e s t o s t a n d u p . H e h i t s h i s glass l o u d l y w i t h a s p o o n , a n d people stop eating and talking. Charles is nervous. 'Ladies and g e n t l e m e n , I'm sorry to take y o u away f r o m y o u r c o n v e r s a t i o n a n d t h e w o n d e r f u l f o o d , b u t t h e r e are a f e w t h i n g s that I n e e d to say. T h i s is o n l y t h e s e c o n d t i m e that I have e v e r b e e n a b e s t m a n . I h o p e t h a t I d i d t h e j o b w e l l t h e first t i m e . W e l l , t h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m are still t a l k i n g t o m e ! U n f o r t u n a t e l y t h o u g h , they're not talking to each other. ' B u t p e o p l e say t h a t I ' m n o t g u i l t y . Y e s , I d i d s a y i n m y s p e e c h t h a t P i e r s , t h e g r o o m , h a d s l e p t w i t h P a u l a ' s y o u n g e r sister. B u t Paula k n e w this already — she really did! S h e w a s a bit s u r p r i s e d t o h e a r that h e h a d also slept w i t h h e r m o t h e r . B u t I d o n ' t t h i n k their v i o l e n t t w o - d a y m a r r i a g e b r o k e up b e c a u s e of that. I really don't think so!' M o s t people burst out laughing at the j o k e - C a r r i e is o n e of t h e m — a n d s o m e c l a p , b u t t h e r e ar e a f e w s t r a i g h t f a c e s . ' B u t o f c o u r s e I ' m h e r e t o d a y t o t a l k a b o u t A n g u s , a n d h e has n o t h i n g t o h i d e , h a s h e ? W e l l , that's w h a t I t h o u g h t a t first . . . ' People
are
still l a u g h i n g , a s
Charles
becomes
serious
for a
moment. 'I'd l i k e t o say t h a t I d o t h i n k v e r y h i g h l y o f p e o p l e w h o g e t m a r r i e d , like A n g u s a n d Laura. M a r r i a g e is a b i g step to take, a n d I k n o w I c o u l d n ' t d o it. B u t I t h i n k it's w o n d e r f u l t h a t t h e y c a n . N o w , back to A n g u s and those sheep!'
11
E v e r y b o d y l a u g h s a n d c l a p s , a n d t h e n C h a r l e s asks t h e m t o raise t h e i r glasses a n d d r i n k t o A n g u s a n d L a u r a .
A f t e r t h e f o r m a l d i n n e r a n d s p e e c h e s , it's t i m e t o d a n c e . T h e b a n d p l a y s , a n d L a u r a a n d A n g u s a s b r i d e a n d g r o o m are t h e first t o c o m e o u t o n t o t h e d a n c e floor. L a u r a enjoys herself, a n d dances in
a
v e r y lively
manner, but Angus
moves
stiffly P e r h a p s
he's
never heard p o p music before. Scarlett and T o m dance together. T h e y are b o t h e n t h u s i a s t i c
dancers; Scarlett dances wildly, and
T o m v e r y badly, b u t they enjoy themselves e n o r m o u s l y . G a r e t h i s d a n c i n g like a m a d m a n . 'When
I first saw
Gareth
dance,' M a t t h e w
tells
Charles, 'I
t h o u g h t to myself, " P e o p l e will be killed. Lives will be lost.'" B u t C h a r l e s i s n o t really c o n c e n t r a t i n g o n w h a t M a t t h e w i s s a y i n g . H e i s l o o k i n g f o r C a r r i e . W h e n h e sees her, she i s already dancing with another man. ' S h e ' s pretty, isn't s h e ? ' M a t t h e w n o t i c e s that C h a r l e s i s l o o k i n g a t h e r , 'Is i t l o v e ? ' T h i s m a y be true, but Charles is surprised and alarmed to hear M a t t h e w say it. ' O h , g o o d G o d n o — n o , it's t h e m a n t h a t she's d a n c i n g w i t h ! I w a s a t s c h o o l w i t h h i m . I ' m j u s t t r y i n g t o r e m e m b e r his n a m e ! B u t - w e l l , if o n e d i d m e e t s o m e b o d y n i c e at a w e d d i n g — are t h e r e m e n w h o c o u l d ask a girl t o g o o u t w i t h t h e m a t o n c e ? O n t h e s a m e day, I m e a n ? ' ' I f t h e r e are,' s a i d M a t t h e w , ' t h e y ' r e n o t E n g l i s h . ' ' E x a c t l y ! ' said C h a r l e s . 'I
m e a n - it usually takes me
about
t h r e e w e e k s t o ask.' By
about
nine
o ' c l o c k , it's
getting dark, and
the
bride
and
g r o o m are a l m o s t r e a d y t o leave. L a u r a has d r u n k a l o t b y n o w , a n d she is
enthusiastically kissing s o m e
w h o she doesn't really k n o w .
12
of h e r distant cousins,
'They promised bridesmaid,
me sex,' says
Lydia.
you'll get sex," they said. hasn't.
Nobody
has
'Everybody said 'But has been
it
it.
"If you're
happened?
No,
a it
near me.'
' Y o u k n o w that I l o v e y o u , Jean, d o n ' t y o u ? ' she asks, a l m o s t i n tears. S h e p u t s h e r a r m s a r o u n d J e a n . ' I l o v e y o u , I l o v e y o u a n d M i k e v e r y m u c h . I've n e v e r m e t y o u b e f o r e , b u t I l o v e y o u b o t h , I really do.' ' D o n ' t w o r r y ' says A n g u s , h e r n e w h u s b a n d . ' S h e ' s d r u n k . W e l l , I h o p e she is — or I ' m in real t r o u b l e ! ' Back
in
the
tent,
Lydia,
the
young
woman
who
was
a
bridesmaid at the marriage service, is sitting w i t h her h e a d in her h a n d s . S h e l o o k s d e p r e s s e d . S h e i s still w e a r i n g h e r b r i d e s m a i d ' s dress a n d t h e f l o w e r s a r o u n d h e r h e a d . ' H o w ' s i t g o i n g , L y d s ? ' asks B e r n a r d . A w f u l . Just awful,' c o m p l a i n s L y d i a . ' O h dear. W h a t ' s t h e p r o b l e m ? '
13
'They promised
me
s e x , ' says
Lydia. 'Everybody
said
it. " I f
y o u ' r e a b r i d e s m a i d , y o u ' l l g e t sex," t h e y said. " A l l t h e m e n w i l l w a n t y o u . Y o u ' l l h a v e t o f i g h t t h e m off." B u t has i t h a p p e n e d ? N o , i t hasn't. N o b o d y has b e e n n e a r me.' ' W e l l , l o o k . . . ' said B e r n a r d , a little shy n o w , ' I m e a n — i f y o u l i k e - I c o u l d —' ' D o n ' t be stupid, Bernard. I'm not desperate!' answers Lydia sharply ' N o , no, of course
not — sorry -
I just t h o u g h t -' Bernard
replies hurriedly.
W h e n t h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m are finally r e a d y t o g e t i n t h e i r car, Laura throws her b u n c h o f flowers a t the guests. T h e person w h o catches it will be the next person to get married - or so people b e l i e v e . S c a r l e t t raises h e r h a n d t o c a t c h it, b u t fails. F i o n a s t e p s o u t o f t h e w a y . A n d L y d i a i s t h e o n e w h o c a t c h e s it! T h e c a r has a s t r i n g o f tins t i e d t o it, a n d r u d e t h i n g s w r i t t e n o n it. T h i s i s t h e c u s t o m a t E n g l i s h w e d d i n g s . B u t w h e n A n g u s and Laura o p e n the door, a large w h i t e sheep j u m p s out, w i t h a b e l l t i e d a r o u n d its n e c k ! E v e r y b o d y l a u g h s . T h e y all w a v e a n d s h o u t g o o d b y e a s t h e h a p p y c o u p l e are b e i n g d r i v e n a w a y . T h e y are g o i n g o n t h e i r h o n e y m o o n . C h a r l e s i s sad, t h o u g h , a s h e g o e s b a c k i n t o t h e t e n t . T h e b a n d i s p l a y i n g ' L o v e i s A l l A r o u n d ' . O b v i o u s l y h e f e e l s t h a t it's n o t t r u e f o r h i m . L a t e r o n , his g r o u p o f f r i e n d s b e g i n t o m a k e t h e i r arrangements for the night. ' W h e r e are y o u s t a y i n g t o n i g h t , C h a r l e s ? ' asks T o m . 'Scarlett
and
I
are
g o i n g to
some
pub — The
Lucky Boat?
S o m e t h i n g l i k e t h a t . A r e n ' t w e all s t a y i n g t h e r e ? ' ' W e l l , n o - t h e p l a n h a s c h a n g e d . T h e o t h e r s a r e all c o m i n g back
to
my
place. Nansy's
there
— you
know, our lovely
old
servant. She'll probably c o o k u s s o m e b a c o n and eggs w h e n w e
14
get
there, and w e
c o u l d play s o m e
games. W o u l d y o u
like
to
come too?' 'Yes, excellent, thanks v e r y m u c h . Is there a r o o m for Scarlett, too?' ' O h of course — we've got a hundred and thirty-seven rooms actually.' T o m ' s ' p l a c e ' i s his f a m i l y castle. T h e h o u s e i n L o n d o n i s n o t their o n l y h o m e . ' T o m , ' asks C h a r l e s , ' ar e y o u t h e r i c h e s t m a n i n E n g l a n d ? ' ' O h — n o , n o ! I b e l i e v e w e ' r e n u m b e r s e v e n o n t h e list. W e l l , t h e Q u e e n c o m e s first, o b v i o u s l y . A n d t h a t R i c h a r d B r a n s o n m a n i s d o i n g v e r y w e l l w i t h his p o p m u s i c a n d his a e r o p l a n e s . * W e l l , excellent news -
I ' m glad that you're
c o m i n g . I'll
go
a n d tell
Scarlett.' S u d d e n l y C a r r i e appears n e x t to Charles. ' H i ! ' says C h a r l e s , s u r p r i s e d . T t h o u g h t y o u ' d g o n e . ' ' N o — n o t y e t . I w a s j u s t w o n d e r i n g — w h e r e are y o u s t a y i n g tonight?' ' W e l l , I w a s g o i n g t o stay a t s o m e p u b - T h e L u c k y B o a t ? ' ' B o a t m a n , ' C a r r i e tells h i m . ' T h e L u c k y B o a t m a n . ' ' R i g h t . B u t n o w I ' m g o i n g t o stay w i t h s o m e f r i e n d s a t t h e i r h o u s e . W e l l , I say h o u s e , b u t it's r e a l l y a n e n o r m o u s c a s t l e . . . ' ' O h , w h a t a shame - because I ' m staying at the B o a t m a n . ' ' O h ! ' says invitation
—
Charles, surprised but
he
doesn't
again. This reply
is
quickly
really
a
enough.
perfect He
is,
unfortunately, an Englishman! 'Well — it was nice to m e e t y o u . T h o u g h we didn't quite meet,' says C a r r i e . T l i k e d y o u r s p e e c h — i t w a s g r e a t . ' ' T h a n k s , ' says C h a r l e s . H e still f i n d s i t h a r d t o s a y a n y t h i n g , a n d they stand there silently t o g e t h e r for a m o m e n t . ' I ' m g o i n g n o w , ' C a r r i e says.
* R i c h a r d Branson, a British businessman, o w n s the famous V i r g i n company.
15
' N o - don't! C o u l d n ' t we m e e t each other n o w ? T h e evening's just starting!' T h e y b o t h l o o k around at the tent, w h i c h is n o w in quite a mess, w i t h bottles a n d chairs l y i n g o n the g r o u n d . ' W e b o t h k n o w t h a t ' s a b i g lie,' says C a r r i e , a n d s h e w a l k s a w a y . ' H e l l ! ' says C h a r l e s . The
band
has
stopped
playing,
but
the
bride's
sister
and
b o y f r i e n d are b a c k w i t h t h e i r guitar. O n l y f o u r p e o p l e are t r y i n g t o d a n c e n o w t o t h e i r m u s i c , w h i c h i s n o t v e r y l i v e l y . O t h e r s are kissing, a n d a f e w really d r u n k p e o p l e have fallen asleep. O n e o f t h e p a i r s t h a t a r e k i s s i n g i s B e r n a r d a n d L y d i a . T h e y are k i s s i n g v e r y enthusiastically, and Lydia is quite breathless. ' B e r n a r d ! ' she cries in surprise. 'I didn't k n o w that it c o u l d be like this!' ' G o d , ' says G a r e t h , l o o k i n g a r o u n d a t all t h e m e s s . H e h a t e s t h e m u s i c t h a t i s b e i n g p l a y e d . ' W h a t a d i s a s t e r ! It's t i m e f o r t h e c a s t l e . H o w a b o u t y o u , T o m — are y o u d r u n k ? C a n y o u d r i v e u s safely?' ' O f c o u r s e , o f c o u r s e , ' says T o m . ' I ' v e h a d n o t h i n g t o d r i n k t h e w h o l e e v e n i n g . ' B u t w h e n h e s t a n d s u p , h e n e a r l y falls o v e r ! H e must have d r u n k m o r e than he thinks! • T h e g r o u p o f f r i e n d s g e t i n t o T o m ' s b i g car, a n d t h e y d r i v e a w a y t h r o u g h t h e q u i e t c o u n t r y s i d e u n d e r t h e stars. T h e y ' r e t r y i n g t o sing, b u t t h e y ' r e f i n d i n g t h e h i g h bits q u i t e difficult. C h a r l e s says, ' T o m , c a n y o u s t o p t h e car?' T o m brakes suddenly. ' S o r r y , ' C h a r l e s a p o l o g i s e s . T t h i n k I will g o t o t h e p u b . ' ' B u t w h y ? ' asks T o m . ' A h —' Charles is
uncomfortable, and doesn't k n o w exactly
w h a t t o say. E v e r y o n e m a k e s a j o k e o f it. ' N o , s e r i o u s l y , ' says C h a r l e s . ' I ' m w r i t i n g a b o u t p u b s t h a t h a v e
16
t h e w o r d " b o a t " i n t h e i r n a m e . M y b o o k w i l l b e t h e first o n t h e subject.' ' D o w h a t y o u l i k e , ' says T o m , a n d C h a r l e s j u m p s o u t . H e i s n o w standing in the dark in the middle of a road, s o m e w h e r e in the c o u n t r y s i d e . H e s u d d e n l y feels v e r y m u c h a l o n e . A n d h o w i s h e g o i n g t o f i n d this p u b ? ' H m m , a n o d d d e c i s i o n , ' says C h a r l e s t o h i m s e l f . H e sets o f f i n t h e o p p o s i t e d i r e c t i o n d o w n t h e d a r k c o u n t r y road. H e d o e s m a n a g e t o find his w a y t o t h e p u b , t h o u g h b y t h e time he arrives, it is a b o u t o n e o ' c l o c k in the m o r n i n g . It seems very quiet in the hotel reception w h e r e Charles should c h e c k in. Charles is just a b o u t to ring the bell on the front desk w h e n he sees C a r r i e . S h e is sitting p e a c e f u l l y in a large, c o m f o r t a b l e chair. ' H e l l o , ' says C h a r l e s . S h e l o o k s at h i m w i t h a question in her eyes, but she is smiling too. 'Hi.' ' T h e r e wasn't e n o u g h r o o m for everybody,' Charles lies,'so ...' ' Y o u s a i d i t w a s a castle,' C a r r i e r e m i n d s h i m . ' D i d I ? Y e s , that's t r u e — i t i s a c a s t l e . B u t it's a v e r y s m a l l o n e . O n l y o n e r o o m upstairs a n d o n e r o o m d o w n s t a i r s — v e r y rare!' T h e y b o t h enjoy the joke. A w a i t e r c o m e s i n a n d asks C h a r l e s , ' W o u l d y o u l i k e a d r i n k , sir?' Charles orders a drink for himself, and o n e for C a r r i e t o o . B u t w h e n he turns r o u n d , there is no C a r r i e — w h e r e has she g o n e ? T h e n G e o r g e w a l k s d o w n t h e stairs. H e i s t h e b o r i n g m a n w h o read
loudly
in
church.
He
is
whistling
and
he
seems
happy.
Charles understands. ' Y o u ' r e h e r e t o o ! ' says G e o r g e . ' H e l l o , ' says C h a r l e s . 'You
haven't
seen
Carrie,
speaking loudly.
17
have
you?'
George
is
still
' W h o ? ' asks C h a r l e s , t h i n k i n g fast. ' C a r r i e . A m e r i c a n girl. L o v e l y legs. W e d d i n g guest. N i c e smell.' ' N o — sorry' answers Charles. ' D a m n . I t h o u g h t I had a g o o d chance w i t h her!' S u d d e n l y , C a r r i e ' s h e a d appears a b o v e the sofa, w h e r e she has b e e n h i d i n g . S h e m a k e s a terrible face to s h o w that he had no c h a n c e w i t h h e r a t all! O n l y C h a r l e s c a n s e e , f o r t u n a t e l y . ' L o o k , i f y o u see her, c o u l d y o u tell h e r that I ' m i n m y r o o m ? ' asks G e o r g e , n o t v e r y p l e a s e d . ' Y e s , y e s , ' says C h a r l e s , h o p i n g t h a t h e ' l l g o a w a y q u i c k l y . B u t just then, the waiter c o m e s back w i t h the t w o drinks. ' O n e f o r y o u , sir,' h e says, ' a n d o n e f o r t h e — ' ' O n e f o r t h e r o a d ! ' says C h a r l e s b r i g h t l y , b e f o r e t h e w a i t e r c a n say ' l a d y ' . ' A c t u a l l y , I t h i n k I'd l i k e a d r i n k t o o ! C a n I j o i n y o u ? ' ' Y e s — l o v e l y i d e a , ' says C h a r l e s u n h a p p i l y . ' A n o t h e r d r i n k h e r e a n d a c i g a r ! ' G e o r g e calls o u t t o t h e w a i t e r . ' N o , let's h a v e a b o t t l e ! W e ' l l d r i n k till d a y l i g h t , e h , C h a r l e s ? ' C h a r l e s sits d o w n o n t h e s o f a , a n d G e o r g e o n a c h a i r . C h a r l e s k n o w s C a r r i e is b e h i n d t h e sofa. S h e is t r y i n g to escape. ' L o v e l y w e d d i n g , ' says G e o r g e . ' Y e s , ' says C h a r l e s , w o n d e r i n g h o w h e c a n g e t a w a y . T w a s at s c h o o l w i t h A n g u s ' s brother, Buffy. E x c e l l e n t m a n , t h o u g h h e l i k e d little b o y s t o o m u c h . Still, i t t a u g h t m e a f e w o f life's l e s s o n s . W h e r e d o y o u k n o w t h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m f r o m ? ' ' A n g u s a n d Laura? O h , f r o m university,' answers C h a r l e s . H e i s not exactly enjoying the conversation. 'Yes, yes,
excellent
place.
I
didn't
go
to
university
myself
t h o u g h . I w o r k i n t h e m o n e y m a r k e t s , y o u k n o w . W h a t g o o d are b o o k s t h e r e ? N o t m u c h a t all.' ' E x c u s e m e sir.' T h e w a i t e r i s b a c k a g a i n . H e h a s a m e s s a g e f o r C h a r l e s . ' Y o u r w i f e asks y o u t o g o u p s t a i r s a t o n c e . R o o m T w e l v e . S h e said that y o u m a y b e t o o d r u n k t o r e m e m b e r t h e n u m b e r . '
18
' M y w i f e ? ' asks C h a r l e s , i n s u r p r i s e . ' Y e s , sir,' t h e w a i t e r r e p l i e s . ' O h — y e s , o f c o u r s e , m y w i f e ! ' C h a r l e s says, a s h e u n d e r s t a n d s . ' Y o u m u s t b e d r u n k ! ' says G e o r g e . ' Y o u c a n ' t e v e n r e m e m b e r whether you've got a wife!' ' Y e s — will you excuse me?' ' O h yes, off y o u go! G o o d luck! Well, I haven't g o t a wife, so I'll g o a n d l o o k f o r t h a t K a t i e w o m a n . ' ' C a r r i e , ' says C h a r l e s . ' Y e s , that's t h e o n e . A f i n e g i r l . I t h i n k I m i g h t b e l u c k y t h e r e ! '
Upstairs, Charles k n o c k s o n the d o o r o f n u m b e r twelve. H e i s q u i t e n e r v o u s . C a r r i e o p e n s it. ' H i , ' s h e says. ' H e l l o . I ' m s o r r y a b o u t that.' ' N o , that's f i n e — i t w a s i m p o s s i b l e t o g e t r i d o f h i m . ' 'Yes — perhaps we s h o u l d just w a n d e r a b o u t up here for a bit, then go back down.' ' T h a t ' s a t h o u g h t , ' says C a r r i e . ' I d o n ' t u s u a l l y w a n d e r , b u t I can w a n d e r if I n e e d to. Do y o u w a n d e r a lot?' S h e is g e n t l y j o k i n g with him. ' N o , ' says C h a r l e s , still n e r v o u s , ' I ' m n o t r e a l l y a w a n d e r e r — I don't usually w a n d e r a lot b u t —' ' W e l l , ' C a r r i e says, ' w h y d o n ' t y o u c o m e i n a n d w a n d e r h e r e a little, a n d t h e n w e ' l l s e e ? ' S h e leads h i m i n t o the r o o m . 'It's s t r a n g e , ' s h e says. ' T h e b r i d e a n d b r i d e g r o o m d i d n ' t kiss i n the church. W h e r e I c o m e from, kissing is very popular.' 'Is it? Y e s , I t h i n k y o u ' r e r i g h t . ' C h a r l e s i s s p e a k i n g fast. ' I t h i n k E n g l i s h p e o p l e ar e p r o b a b l y m o r e s h y ' ' I always worry,' c o n t i n u e s C a r r i e , 'that I w o u l d g o t o o far i n the church — y o u
know, at the place in the marriage service
19
Carrie
kisses
Charles
on
the
mouth.
w h e r e t h e g r o o m c a n kiss t h e b r i d e . I m i g h t n o t s t o p a t k i s s i n g — ' ' H o w f a r i s t o o f a r ? ' asks C h a r l e s , c o m i n g v e r y c l o s e t o h e r . 'Oh, I
d o n ' t k n o w . ' S h e g i v e s h i m a v e r y s m a l l kiss o n t h e
c h e e k . ' T h a t w o u l d b e all r i g h t , I t h i n k . ' ' Y e s , ' says C h a r l e s . ' T h a t w o u l d b e f i n e . ' ' P e r h a p s it's n o t e n o u g h , ' says C a r r i e . ' M a y b e t h i s w o u l d b e better.' S h e kisses h i m o n t h e m o u t h . ' Y e s . B u t i t m i g h t b e d a n g e r o u s t o g o f u r t h e r , ' says C h a r l e s , nervous again. T h e n t h e y kiss f o r a l o n g t i m e . ' T h a t m i g h t b e t o o f a r . . . ' says C h a r l e s . ' A n d this?' asks C a r r i e . It is a f e w m i n u t e s later, a n d t h e y are in b e d , m a k i n g l o v e . ' D o y o u t h i n k t h e priest m i g h t b e a little bit w o r r i e d a b o u t this?'
20
' Y e s , ' says C h a r l e s . ' I t h i n k h e m i g h t b e . ' T h e y kiss a g a i n , a n d s p e n d t h e n i g h t t o g e t h e r .
The
pub
is
in
the
middle
of the
countryside.
It
looks
very
p e a c e f u l i n t h e m o r n i n g . C a r r i e g e t s u p first a n d p a c k s . W h e n Charles w a k e s up, she is already z i p p i n g up her bag. H e r face looks beautiful in the early m o r n i n g light. ' W h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g ? ' asks C h a r l e s . 'I have to go,' she answers. 'But w h e r e to?' 'To America.' ' T h a t ' s a t r a g e d y , ' h e says. 'But before
I
go, w h e n
are
you
going
to
tell
everybody?'
C a r r i e asks h i m . ' T e l l e v e r y b o d y ? ' C h a r l e s asks i n s u r p r i s e . ' T e l l t h e m w h a t ? ' ' W e l l , y o u ' l l tell t h e m that w e ' r e g o i n g t o g e t m a r r i e d , w o n ' t you?' 'Get married?' He is alarmed now. ' W e s l e p t t o g e t h e r last n i g h t — w e m a d e l o v e — s o t h a t m e a n s w e ' r e g e t t i n g m a r r i e d , doesn't it?' ' W e l l - yes — oh dear — we n e e d to t h i n k hard a b o u t this, y o u k n o w , ' h e says u n h a p p i l y . T h e n s u d d e n l y h e n o t i c e s she's s m i l i n g . ' O h , y o u ' r e j o k i n g ! ' h e says. ' T h a n k G o d !
For a moment, I
thought I was in one of those awful films. Y o u k n o w — the kind w h e r e the w o m a n spends a night w i t h a m a n and murders h i m if h e w o n ' t m a r r y her.' ' N o , ' says C a r r i e , g e n t l y . ' W e ' r e n o t i n o n e o f t h o s e f i l m s . B u t I think w e ' v e b o t h missed a great chance here. G o o d b y e ! ' S h e leaves t h e r o o m a n d C h a r l e s lies d o w n i n t h e b e d . H e looks thoughtful and confused.
21
Chapter 2 T h e Second Wedding You are invited to the wedding of Bernard and Lydia at noon on August
1st at the
Church
Cripplegate,
of St Mary London
of the Fields,
EC2
I t i s t h r e e m o n t h s later, a n d C h a r l e s ' s a l a r m c l o c k i s o n c e a g a i n r i n g i n g b y his b e d . C h a r l e s s t r e t c h e s o u t h i s h a n d a n d t u r n s i t off. H e g o e s b a c k t o sleep again. H e likes t o sleep until n o o n , w h e n e v e r h e c a n . S c a r l e t t i s still a s l e e p i n h e r u n t i d y b e d r o o m . S o m e t i m e later, t h e r e i s a l o u d s h o u t f r o m C h a r l e s ' s r o o m . H e has w o k e n u p , a t last. ' O h hell!' H e j u m p s o u t o f b e d , a n d runs i n t o Scarlett, dressed o n l y i n his u n d e r c l o t h e s . ' O h G o d ! ' says S c a r l e t t , w h e n s h e l o o k s a t h e r c l o c k . T h e y r u n o u t of the h o u s e before they have finished putting on their formal w e d d i n g clothes. Scarlett is trying to p u t on a silly p i n k dress w i t h a n e n o r m o u s skirt, b u t s h e can't z i p i t u p right. S h e is g o i n g to be a bridesmaid. ' C a r o r t a x i ? ' s h e a s k s , still r u n n i n g . ' T a x i , ' says C h a r l e s . ' W e w o n ' t b e a b l e t o p a r k t h e car.' T h e y g e t t o t h e c o r n e r o f t h e s t r e e t a n d start l o o k i n g f o r a taxi. B u t t h e r e isn't o n e a n y w h e r e . ' W e l l , m a y b e t h e c a r i s a b e t t e r i d e a , ' says C h a r l e s . T h e y r u s h d o w n a n o t h e r s t r e e t t o f i n d S c a r l e t t ' s car. B u t w h e n they get there, it can't be m o v e d . Scarlett must have parked it in the w r o n g place and the wheels have b e e n locked by the police. 'Damn!' they both shout at once. T h e y w i l l h a v e t o g o o n f o o t . T h e y r u n a s fast a s t h e y c a n . ' T h e s e r v i c e w i l l start b e f o r e w e g e t there,' C h a r l e s t h i n k s t o himself.
22
Charles and Scarlett get to the taxi.
But
corner
there
of the street and start looking for a
isn't one
anywhere.
T h e s k i r t s o f S c a r l e t t ' s silly p i n k dress fly u p i n t h e w i n d a n d , a s s h e r u n s , a p i e c e o f t h e d r e s s falls off. C h a r l e s i s g o i n g t o s t o p a n d p i c k i t u p , b u t S c a r l e t t says, ' L e a v e it! N o b o d y w i l l n o t i c e ! ' T h e y r u n all t h e w a y t o t h e c h u r c h , a n d a s t h e y g e t n e a r , t h e y can
hear
the
bells
ringing
loudly.
Some
of their
friends
are
already there - Fiona, M a t t h e w , G a r e t h and D a v i d . ' S o r r y I ' m late,' says C h a r l e s . ' T h e traffic w a s a w f u l . ' T h e y all l o o k a t h i m ; n o b o d y b e l i e v e s h i m a t all. ' Y e s , w e l l — ' says C h a r l e s . ' N o w , w h o ' s g e t t i n g m a r r i e d t o d a y ? ' H e reads t h e w e d d i n g card, p r e t e n d i n g that h e d o e s n ' t k n o w .
23
T h e y all g o i n t o t h e c h u r c h , w h e r e t h e w e d d i n g i s a b o u t t o start. A
young
priest
comes
in,
looking
worried
and
nervous.
It's
F a t h e r G e r a l d , w h o t h e y m e t a t t h e last w e d d i n g r e c e p t i o n . H e ' s f i n i s h e d h i s s t u d y i n g , a n d n o w h e ' s a real p r i e s t . Today T o m
is
best
man. He
has
remembered
to
bring the
rings, o n e e a c h for the b r i d e a n d g r o o m . H e takes t h e m o u t o f his p o c k e t a n d s h o w s t h e m t o C h a r l e s , h o l d i n g t h e m u p t o his eyes like a pair of glasses. C h a r l e s smiles a n d w a v e s at h i m . A s t h e w e d d i n g m u s i c starts, t h e b r i d e a n d h e r b r i d e s m a i d s enter the c h u r c h . T h e b r i d e , o f course, i s Lydia, w h o f i r s t kissed h e r b r i d e g r o o m , B e r n a r d , a t t h e last w e d d i n g r e c e p t i o n . T h e r e ar e f o u r b r i d e s m a i d s . T w o are little girls a n d t w o are w o m e n . O n e o f t h e m i s S c a r l e t t . A s s h e w a l k s u p t h e aisle, e v e r y o n e c a n s e e h e r b r i g h t b l u e u n d e r c l o t h e s . T h e p i e c e o f h e r d r e s s t h a t fell o f f h a s l e f t a l a r g e h o l e i n t h e b a c k o f h e r d r e s s ! S c a r l e t t i s still w e a r i n g h e r sunglasses t o o — she l o o k s quite strange! S h e takes t h e m off just as they reach the priest. B e r n a r d is standing there by the priest, w a i t i n g for his b r i d e . Father
Gerald
begins
to
read
the
words
of the
marriage
service. U n f o r t u n a t e l y , b e c a u s e h e i s v e r y n e r v o u s , h e gets s o m e o f the w o r d s w r o n g . E v e r y b o d y bursts o u t l a u g h i n g . 'It's h i s f i r s t w e d d i n g , y o u see,' M a t t h e w w h i s p e r s t o C h a r l e s . ' H e ' s a f r i e n d of t h e family.' ' A h . E x c e l l e n t , ' says C h a r l e s . H e f i n d s i t v e r y a m u s i n g . F a t h e r G e r a l d calls B e r n a r d ' L y d i a ' b y m i s t a k e . A n d w h e n h e d o e s g e t t h e g r o o m ' s n a m e r i g h t , h e d o e s n ' t k n o w h o w t o say B e r n a r d ' s m i d d l e n a m e . It's w r i t t e n ' S t J o h n ' a n d s p o k e n a s ' S i n j u n ' . ' . . . B e r n a r d G e o f f r e y S i j j j j j j e r n D e l a n e y ' says F a t h e r G e r a l d , h u r r i e d l y . E v e r y o n e i s s m i l i n g . T h i s i s all v e r y e n t e r t a i n i n g . N o w , as the priest speaks, the bride and g r o o m have to repeat t h e s a m e w o r d s after h i m . ' I B e r n a r d D e l a n e y — ' says F a t h e r G e r a l d , l e a v i n g o u t t h e S t J o h n part n o w . ' D o take y o u , Lydia Jane H i b b o t t , t o b e m y awful
24
w e d d e d w i f e . ' T h i s i s n o t w h a t h e s h o u l d say a t all!
He is so
n e r v o u s that he's g e t t i n g the w o r d s m i x e d u p ! 'To
be
my
lawful w e d d e d w i f e , ' B e r n a r d says. T h e s e
are
the
w o r d s F a t h e r G e r a l d s h o u l d h a v e said. ' T h a t ' s r i g h t . T h a t ' s r i g h t , ' says F a t h e r G e r a l d . H e d o e s n ' t k n o w exactly w h a t he's d o i n g n o w , b u t s o m e h o w t h e y g e t t o the e n d o f the service. 'Well done!' shouts Gareth, clapping, and the others c o p y h i m. It's l i k e
b e i n g at the
theatre, a n d after t h e
service, e v e r y b o d y
congratulates the priest. G e r a l d is v e r y pleased w i t h himself, and i s s m i l i n g t o o , n o w t h a t it's all o v e r .
T h e reception is being held in an elegant L o n d o n
hotel. T h e
guests s e e m t o b e f r o m r i c h , u p p e r - c l a s s families. A l l t h e m e n are w e a r i n g f o r m a l w e d d i n g coats, a n d t h e w o m e n are i n e x p e n s i v e dresses. L y d i a , t h e b r i d e , i s i n a n e x c e l l e n t m o o d ; s h e i s l a u g h i n g and
kissing
Matthew
the
have
guests already
as
they
found
arrive.
the
Charles,
drinks. T h e y
Gareth are
used
and to
weddings, and k n o w exactly w h a t to do. 'Do
you
know what
I
think
about
m a r r i a g e ? ' asks
Gareth.
' T w o p e o p l e are i n l o v e . T h e y l i v e t o g e t h e r , t h e n s u d d e n l y t h e y can't t h i n k o f a n y t h i n g t o say t o e a c h o t h e r . T h e y ' r e w o r r i e d — w h a t are t h e y g o i n g t o d o ? T h e n t h e m a n h a s a n i d e a . ' ' W h a t ? ' asks C h a r l e s . ' T h e y ' l l g e t m a r r i e d ! A n d t h e n t h e y ' v e g o t s o m e t h i n g t o talk a b o u t f o r t h e rest o f t h e i r l i v e s . ' 'So
-
people
get
married
when
they
can't
communicate
properly any m o r e . Is that w h a t you're s a y i n g ? ' . ' Y e s , that's r i g h t . T o m ! ' T o m , t h e b e s t m a n , h a s c o m e t o j o i n them. 'How's the speech?' 'Fine — g o o d , I think. S o m e t h i n g for e v e r y o n e - yes, the j o k e s w i l l raise a f e w s m i l e s , a n d t h e r e s h o u l d b e a f e w tears t o o , ' T o m says.
25
' E x c e l l e n t ! ' says G a r e t h . 'It's a n i n t e r e s t i n g i d e a , G a r e t h , ' says C h a r l e s . ' O f course,
there's
another
idea.
Some
people
think
that
w e d d i n g s a r e a b o u t t r u e l o v e , ' says M a t t h e w , l o o k i n g a t G a r e t h . ' W e l l , that's listened
a
thought,'
seriously;
Charles
Charles is
very
replies
lightly. B u t
confused
about
he
has
love
and
marriage at the m o m e n t . T h e r e c e p t i o n i s v e r y b u s y n o w , full o f w e l l - d r e s s e d guests w h o are d r i n k i n g a n d c h a t t i n g , l a u g h i n g a n d calling t o o n e a n o t h e r . C h a r l e s i s j u s t f e t c h i n g t h r e e m o r e d r i n k s , w h e n a v o i c e says, ' H i . ' H e t u r n s r o u n d . It's C a r r i e . S h e l o o k s w o n d e r f u l . ' H e l l o , ' says C h a r l e s , a n d n e a r l y d r o p s t h e d r i n k s . ' H o w are y o u ? ' asks C a r r i e . 'Fine. Fine. S o r r y — I ' m so surprised, and so pleased to see y o u . D o n ' t g o b a c k t o A m e r i c a ! P l e a s e ! W a i t h e r e — I'll b e b a c k i n t w o seconds. O K ? ' ' O K , ' she smiles. He rushes b a c k to the others. 'That's
yours. A n d
that's
yours,' he
says, g i v i n g
them
their
d r i n k s . ' S e e y o u i n five h o u r s . ' ' H a s s o m e t h i n g h a p p e n e d ? ' asks G a r e t h . ' Y e s — y e s — this is a g r e a t w e d d i n g , y o u k n o w ! ' B u t w h e n h e finds C a r r i e again, things d o n ' t g o q u i t e a s h e planned. ' H i . Y o u l o o k p e r f e c t . I n f a c t , y o u p r o b a b l y are p e r f e c t . H o w are y o u ? ' ' I ' m r e a l l y w e l l . C h a r l e s , I'd l i k e y o u t o m e e t H a m i s h . H a m i s h a n d I are g o i n g to g e t m a r r i e d . ' T h i s i s a h o r r i b l e s h o c k f o r C h a r l e s , b u t h e t r i e s t o h i d e it. 'Excellent, excellent. I'm happy to meet you, Hamish. Lovely surprise t o find C a r r i e b a c k i n this c o u n t r y again.' H a m i s h i s a n e l e g a n t a n d c o n f i d e n t m a n o f a b o u t fifty. H e i s Scottish.
26
'Yes, w e l l , it w a s n ' t easy! I h a d to w o r k h a r d — she d i d n ' t w a n t t o c o m e a t first. C o m e o n , C a r r i e d e a r , I w a n t y o u t o m e e t J a m e s . He's w a i t i n g for us over there. H e ' l l think that I can't c o n t r o l y o u a t all, i f w e d o n ' t g o a n d f i n d h i m n o w ! ' H e h o l d s o u t h i s h a n d t o C a r r i e , a n d she takes it. ' I ' l l s e e y o u later,' s h e says i n a f r i e n d l y w a y t o C h a r l e s , a s s h e walks away w i t h H a m i s h . Charles is shocked and very unhappy. He is unhappy about Carrie, of course, but w h y is
he
so
very u n h a p p y ?
He
doesn't
quite understand h i m s e l f at the m o m e n t . He doesn't feel in the m o o d t o j o i n i n w i t h t h e p a r t y a n y m o r e , a n d h e sits d o w n a l o n e . Later, M a t t h e w c o m e s u p t o talk t o h i m . ' H o w are y o u d o i n g , C h a r l e s ? ' M a t t h e w asks. ' A c t u a l l y , n o t g r e a t , ' says C h a r l e s . ' N o t g r e a t a t all, really. I d o n ' t k n o w — what's h a p p e n i n g here? W h y am I always at w e d d i n g s but never getting married? W h a t does it mean?' Y o u ' r e n o t s m a r t e n o u g h , ' says M a t t h e w . ' O r p e r h a p s i t c o u l d b e b e c a u s e y o u h a v e n ' t m e t t h e r i g h t girl.' ' A h , b u t i s that r i g h t ? ' C h a r l e s asks. ' M a y b e I h a v e m e t t h e r i g h t g i r l . M a y b e I m e e t t h e r i g h t g i r l s all t h e t i m e . M a y b e it's m e - I'm the problem.' ' O h , r u b b i s h ! ' says M a t t h e w .
A n d t h e n it's t i m e f o r d i n n e r . E v e r y o n e h a s b e e n t o l d t o l o o k a t a w r i t t e n t a b l e p l a n t o f i n d o u t w h e r e t h e y h a v e t o sit. I t h a s all b e e n o r g a n i z e d v e r y carefully. 'Come
o n , ' says
Matthew, 'you'll probably m e e t y o u r future
w i f e at dinner.' Charles looks
at the
table
plan. ' O h
my
doesn't tell M a t t h e w w h y h e i s s o a l a r m e d . •
27
God!' he
says, b u t
F i o n a is already sitting at a n o t h e r table, n e x t to an upper-class o l d e r w o m a n w h o i s w e a r i n g a b r i g h t b l u e dress a n d a b r i g h t b l u e hat. H e r n a m e i s M r s B e a u m o n t . ' A r e y o u m a r r i e d ? ' s h e asks F i o n a i m m e d i a t e l y 'No.' Fiona answers. ' D o y o u p r e f e r w o m e n ? ' asks M r s B e a u m o n t . ' G o o d G o d ! ' says F i o n a . ' W h a t m a d e y o u say t h a t ? ' ' W e l l , it's a p o s s i b i l i t y t h e s e d a y s , i s n ' t i t ? ' M r s B e a u m o n t says. ' A n d it's a n i n t e r e s t i n g o n e . It's v e r y b o r i n g i f y o u j u s t say, " O h , dear, I've n e v e r f o u n d t h e r i g h t m a n ! ' " Fiona laughs. ' Q u i t e right. W h y b e boring?' ' T h a n k y o u , ' says M r s B e a u m o n t . ' W e l l , ' F i o n a c o n t i n u e s , ' I h a v e m e t t h e r i g h t p e r s o n , y o u see. B u t he's n o t in l o v e w i t h m e . U n t i l I stop l o v i n g h i m , I can't g e t interested in other men.' ' B a d l u c k , ' says h e r n e w f r i e n d . ' Y e s , i s n ' t i t ? ' says F i o n a . ' I d i d g o w i t h a n o t h e r g i r l o n c e , a t s c h o o l — b u t it was o n l y for a b o u t fifteen m i n u t e s . I d o n ' t t h i n k that really m e a n s a n y t h i n g , d o y o u ? '
C h a r l e s h a s n o w f o u n d h i s t a b l e , a n d sits d o w n w i t h t w o m e n a n d f o u r y o u n g w o m e n , w h o a r e all a t t r a c t i v e a n d a b o u t t h e s a m e age as h i m . His brother D a v i d is there too. Charles looks very embarrassed and uncomfortable. ' H i , ' says C h a r l e s t o o n e o f t h e m e n . ' H e l l o , I ' m Alistair. Y o u k n o w V e r o n i c a , d o n ' t y o u ? ' ' Y e s , ' says Nicki!
Charles, v e r y n e r v o u s now. 'Yes — hello Vee!
Hi,
G r e a t t o see y o u . ' H e c a n see C a r r i e o n a n o t h e r table.
She's l a u g h i n g w i t h M a t t h e w and Gareth. Charles w o u l d m u c h rather be at their table. A l i s t a i r s e e m s t o b e g i v i n g t h e m all a l e s s o n o n t e a . ' T h e r e a r e a b o u t f o u r h u n d r e d d i f f e r e n t k i n d s o f t e a , a n d all t h e f r u i t teas a s
28
w e l l . I t o o k V e r o n i c a o u t to India at C h r i s t m a s to see the places w h e r e t h e y g r o w it.' ' E x c e l l e n t , ' says C h a r l e s . ' Y o u and Veronica w e n t to India together, didn't y o u Charles?' Alistair asks. 'That's
right,'
Charles
answers.
So
Veronica
was
once
a
girlfriend of Charles's. ' C h a r l e s w a s h o r r i b l e , ' says V e r o n i c a . ' I w a s r e a l l y ill, a n d h e j u s t j o k e d all t h e t i m e . ' 'I was o n l y t r y i n g to m a k e y o u feel better, Vee.' ' O h , y o u ' r e that V e r o n i c a , ' says N i c k i . ' W h i c h Veronica?' Veronica
asks. ' C h a r l i e
—
what
have
you
b e e n saying?' She's w o r r i e d t o o now. B u t Charles doesn't w a n t to answer the question. ' R e m e m b e r B o m b a y ? ' h e asks b r i g h t l y . N i c k i continues. ' W h e n Charles and I w e r e g o i n g o u t together,' - s o she's a n o t h e r o l d g i r l f r i e n d o f his — ' h e t o l d m e a b o u t t h i s "interesting" j o u r n e y
he'd
taken
round
India
with
"Vomiting
V e r o n i c a " . Y e s , I t h i n k that's r i g h t . I ' m s u r e that's w h a t h e c a l l e d her.' ' D i d I r e a l l y s a y t h a t ? ' asks C h a r l e s q u i c k l y . ' N o I d o n ' t t h i n k so - ' 'Oh
come
o n , C h a r l e s , ' says
Martha, w h o
is
old
girlfriend
n u m b e r three at the table. ' Y o u c o u l d n e v e r k e e p a secret. Y o u ' r e hopeless.' C h a r l e s is certainly in a h o r r i b l e mess n o w . ' M a r t h a , that's n o t q u i t e t r u e — ' ' I ' m s u r e i t is, C h a r l e s , ' says N i c k i . 'I remember another thing you
told me,' M a r t h a
continues.
' A b o u t a girlfriend that y o u had called H e l e n a . H e r m o t h e r liked y o u too. S h e w a n t e d t o g o t o b e d w i t h y o u ! Y o u told m e that y o u didn't k n o w w h a t t o d o . " W o u l d i t b e r u d e t o refuse h e r ? " y o u asked y o u r s e l f ' T h a t ' s r i g h t ! ' adds N i c k i . ' Y o u said t h a t t h e y w e r e b o t h a s fat
29
as pigs! M r s Piggy, and Miss P i g g y —' ' I t h i n k p e r h a p s — ' says C h a r l e s , b u t t h e t h r e e g i r l s are l a u g h i n g loudly and they're not listening to him. Finally, t h e f o u r t h
girl, w h o
is
sitting quietly n e x t to
him,
s p e a k s . ' W e ' v e b o t h l o s t w e i g h t s i n c e t h e n , m y m o t h e r a n d I,' s h e says, t a k i n g a n o t h e r c h o c o l a t e . I t i s a d i s a s t e r f o r C h a r l e s . B u t f o r t u n a t e l y it's n o w t i m e f o r t h e speeches. ' A h - g r e a t — s p e e c h e s ! ' h e says. A t l e a s t t h e y c a n ' t t a l k a b o u t h i m a n y m o r e u n t i l later. E v e r y o n e claps T o m a s h e stands up. 'Yes — w h e n B e r n a r d told me he was getting married to Lydia, I c o n g r a t u l a t e d h i m . A l l his o t h e r g i r l f r i e n d s w e r e real d o g s , y o u see! A n d o f c o u r s e , I ' m d e l i g h t e d t o see s o m a n y o f t h e m here this e v e n i n g . . . ' It is a terrible speech, but T o m thinks he is d o i n g well. So does G a r e t h ! H e s e e m s t o e n j o y really awful things. ' C a m i l l a i s o n e o f t h e m — it's l o v e l y t o s e e y o u a g a i n , C a m i l l a ! S h e w a s t h e first p e r s o n w h o B e r n a r d w a n t e d t o m a r r y . S h e t o l d h i m t o g o t o h e l l ! It's l u c k y f o r L y d i a t h a t s h e d i d ! ' When
the
d i n n e r a n d the f o r m a l parts
o f t h e r e c e p t i o n are
over, C h a r l e s a n d his friends are free t o m e e t u p again. T h e y f i n d s o m e c o m f o r t a b l e s o f a s , a n d sit d o w n t o g e t h e r t o c h a t . Gareth is talking about the w e d d i n g dinner. For once, he is not b e i n g rude. ' W e h a d a lovely girl at o u r table — C a r r i e . She's g o i n g to m a r r y a m a n called H a m i s h . He's v e r y rich and o w n s half of S c o t l a n d . S o , h o w a r e y o u ? ' h e asks C h a r l e s . 'This
is
the
wedding
from
hell!'
Charles
answers.
'Old
g i r l f r i e n d s e v e r y w h e r e . I'll p r o b a b l y m e e t H e n r i e t t a n e x t . T h a t ' l l really finish the day off for m e ! ' ' H e l l o , C h a r l e s , ' a v o i c e says f r o m b e h i n d h i m . It's H e n r i e t t a a n d , o f c o u r s e , she's also o n e o f C h a r l e s ' s o l d g i r l f r i e n d s . C h a r l e s s e e m s t o h a v e n o l u c k a t all t o d a y . H e n r i e t t a i s a tall, d a r k g i r l , a n d
30
she i s u s u a l l y q u i t e attractive. B u t n o w h e r f a c e i s w h i t e , a n d s h e looks very unhappy. Charles is feeling bad, but Henrietta seems to feel e v e n w o r s e . ' H e l l o , H e n , h o w a r e y o u ? ' says
Charles
brightly, trying to
p r e t e n d t h a t e v e r y t h i n g i s all r i g h t . H e h o p e s t h a t s h e d i d n o t h e a r h i s last f e w w o r d s . S h e is silent for a m o m e n t , t h e n she bursts i n t o tears. ' O h , H e n , ' says C h a r l e s , s y m p a t h e t i c a l l y . H e l e n a j u m p s u p f r o m the sofa i n a t e m p e r . ' W h y can't y o u just leave her alone? Haven't y o u hurt her e n o u g h ? ' S h e leads H e n r i e t t a away. C h a r l e s g e t s u p . ' E x c u s e m e , ' h e says t o G a r e t h . ' I t h i n k I a m a w a l k i n g d i s a s t e r a t t h e m o m e n t . I t h i n k I'd b e t t e r g o a w a y a n d b e alone.'
B u t n o t e v e r y o n e is h a v i n g a bad time. D a v i d , Charles's brother, is talking to Serena, the pretty girl w h o was interested in h i m at the last w e d d i n g r e c e p t i o n . S h e h a s b e e n h o p i n g t o m e e t h i m a g a i n , and
has
started
to
learn
sign
language
so
that
she
can
communicate with him. She signs h e r n a m e . ' I ' m S - e - r - e - n - a . ' D a v i d smiles sweetly at her. 'Hello,' h e signs b a c k . ' I ' m j u s t l e a r n i n g , ' says S e r e n a w i t h h e r h a n d s . ' I ' m p r o b a b l y m a k i n g lots of mistakes.' S h e certainly is — she signs 'tols' instead o f 'lots', and 'nistakes', instead o f mistakes. B u t D a v i d doesn't w a n t t o c o r r e c t her. H e shakes his h e a d a n d smiles a g a i n . ' N o , p e r f e c t . P e r f e c t , ' h e tells h e r . ' W o u l d y o u l i k e t o d a n c e ? ' 'Yes, that w o u l d b e nice,' Serena replies. T h e y g o o f f together, l o o k i n g v e r y happy.
31
C h a r l e s is in a b e d r o o m upstairs. It s e e m s to be e m p t y — the d o o r w a s o p e n , b u t t h e r e w a s n o b o d y inside, j u s t a suit h a n g i n g u p o n a c u p b o a r d d o o r . It's d a r k n o w , b u t h e d o e s n ' t t u r n t h e l i g h t o n . H e g o e s t o t h e w i n d o w a n d l o o k s d o w n o n t o t h e street b e l o w . H e j u s t s t a n d s t h e r e q u i e t l y , g l a d t o b e a l o n e i n a c a l m r o o m . B u t after a m i n u t e o r t w o , h e sees C a r r i e d o w n t h e r e . S h e ' s c o m i n g o u t o f the hotel w i t h H a m i s h . T h e y have their arms around each other a n d l o o k v e r y happy. T h e y g e t i n t o a taxi together. C h a r l e s w a t c h e s t h e m u n h a p p i l y a s t h e y d r i v e off. H e s e e m s t o b e v e r y d e p r e s s e d . T h e n the d o o r opens, and B e r n a r d and Lydia c o m e in, kissing noisily. T h e y are s o i n t e r e s t e d i n e a c h o t h e r that t h e y d o n ' t n o t i c e C h a r l e s . T h e y a r e still d r e s s e d f o r t h e w e d d i n g — L y d i a i n h e r bride's dress, a n d B e r n a r d in his suit. T h i s is their r o o m , t h e place w h e r e t h e y are g o i n g t o c h a n g e i n t o t h e i r o t h e r c l o t h e s b e f o r e they go away on their h o n e y m o o n . B u t t h e y ' r e n o t r e a d y t o c h a n g e y e t . T h e y are a b o u t t o h a v e sex on
the
bed. Charles
wonders
how
he
can
escape, and
he
b e g i n s t o try t o w a l k f r o m the w i n d o w t o the d o o r very, v e r y quietly. Then
suddenly
Lydia
cries, 'Wait a minute! This
isn't
good
e n o u g h ! I w a n t to see my lovely husband!' S h e t u r n s o n t h e l i g h t . S h e i s l y i n g o n t o p o f B e r n a r d — s h e still h a s h e r dress o n , b u t C h a r l e s k n o w s w h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g u n d e r n e a t h it. L u c k i l y , t h e y d o n ' t s e e C h a r l e s . B u t h e c a n ' t g e t p a s t t h e m t o t h e d o o r . T h e n h e sees a n o t h e r d o o r n e a r e r t o h i m , s o h e o p e n s i t a n d g o e s t h r o u g h i t a s fast a s h e c a n . O h , n o ! It's o n l y a k i n d o f v e r y small w a s h r o o m — no m o r e t h a n a c u p b o a r d , really! T h e r e ' s almost
no
room
in
it
for
Charles!
He
waits
there;
it's
very
u n c o m f o r t a b l e , a n d i t s e e m s t o h i m that h e has t o w a i t for h o u r s .
D o w n s t a i r s , t h e o t h e r g u e s t s ar e e n j o y i n g t h e m s e l v e s . S e v e r a l o f them
are
d a n c i n g to
the
lively music. Scarlett
32
is
sitting in a
strange place, like C h a r l e s upstairs. She's u n d e r a table w i t h o n e o f t h e small b r i d e s m a i d s . T h e y are b o t h d a n c i n g t o t h e m u s i c b u t only using their hands for the d a n c i n g m o v e m e n t s . ' H a v e y o u g o t a b o y f r i e n d ? ' S c a r l e t t asks t h e l i t t l e g i r l , w h o s e n a m e is Freda. ' Y e s , ' says F r e d a . ' W h a t ' s his n a m e ? ' ' D o l p h . He's g o o d at table-tennis. A n d y o u ? ' ' N o . N o boyfriend.' ' W h y not?' ' I d o n ' t k n o w , ' says S c a r l e t t , a l i t t l e u n h a p p i l y . ' W h e n I l i k e m e n , they don't s e e m t o like m e . T h e y think I'm stupid. T h e n , the o n e s w h o l i k e m e — w e l l , I t h i n k they're s t u p i d ! I d o n ' t w a n t t o g o out w i t h t h e m . S o that doesn't g e t m e a n y w h e r e , d o e s it?'
U p s t a i r s , i n t h e b e d r o o m , t i m e p a s s e s . L y d i a a n d B e r n a r d a r e still m a k i n g l o v e , v e r y noisily. C h a r l e s i s sitting on t h e basin in the w a s h r o o m . H e l o o k s a t his w a t c h . ' G o d , are
they
going
to
finish
soon?' he
wonders.
If he'd
k n o w n they w e r e g o i n g to take so l o n g , he w o u l d n ' t have h i d d e n there. ' O h - I love my w i f e ! ' cries B e r n a r d . 'I-love-my-husband!' screams Lydia. T h e y finish. A f t e r a q u i e t m o m e n t o r t w o B e r n a r d says, ' W e ' d better go downstairs n o w , I suppose.' C h a r l e s n o d s . ' Y e s ! Y e s ! ' h e says s i l e n t l y t o h i m s e l f . ' O r , ' says L y d i a , ' w e
c o u l d w a i t a f e w m i n u t e s — a n d start
again!' ' N o , n o ! ' C h a r l e s s h a k e s his h e a d i n s i d e t h e c u p b o a r d . H e r e a l l y c a n ' t stay t h e r e a n y l o n g e r , s o h e o p e n s t h e d o o r . H e w a l k s p a s t L y d i a a n d B e r n a r d w h o a r e still l y i n g o n t h e b e d . T h e y are a m a z e d a n d stare a t h i m i n g r e a t s u r p r i s e , b u t h e p r e t e n d s t h a t
33
it's n o t s t r a n g e a t all. H e h o l d s u p a p e n c i l a s h e w a l k s t o w a r d s t h e d o o r o f the r o o m . ' I f o u n d it!' h e says, a n d g o e s o u t .
B u t his t r o u b l e s are n o t over. H e n r i e t t a i s o u t s i d e . ' C h a r l e s , w e m u s t t a l k , ' s h e says f i r m l y . ' R i g h t , r i g h t , ' h e says w o u l d rather talk t o
pleasantly.
Is this a b a d d r e a m ? B u t he
H e n r i e t t a t h a n stay i n t h e b e d r o o m w i t h
Bernard and Lydia! T h e y start w a l k i n g d o w n s t a i r s t o g e t h e r . ' T h e t h i n g is, C h a r l i e , I ' v e s p o k e n t o l o t s o f p e o p l e a b o u t y o u . ' ' O h , G o d ! ' says C h a r l e s . ' A n d e v e r y o n e a g r e e s that y o u ' r e i n real t r o u b l e , C h a r l e s , ' she c o n t i n u e s seriously. ' A m I?' h e asks. ' Y o u see, y o u h a v e o n e g i r l f r i e n d after a n o t h e r , b u t y o u d o n ' t l o v e a n y o f t h e m . Y o u n e v e r l e t a w o m a n g e t c l o s e t o y o u a t all.' ' N o , n o , H e n , it's n o t l i k e t h a t — ' says C h a r l e s . B u t it's n o g o o d . H e n r i e t t a c o n t i n u e s , ' Y o u ' r e n i c e t o t h e m , sweet to t h e m — y o u were sweet to me, though you thought I w a s stupid.' 'I didn't.' 'Yes y o u did. Y o u don't give people a chance. W h e n e v e r y o u h a v e a n e w g i r l f r i e n d , y o u t h i n k , " I m u s t n ' t fall i n l o v e . I m u s t n ' t get married.'" ' H e n , y o u k n o w m e ! I d o n ' t t h i n k like that! M o s t o f the t i m e - w e l l , I d o n ' t t h i n k at all!' 'Oh,
Charlie!'
Henrietta
suddenly
throws
her
arms
around
h i m . ' T h e w a y y o u u s e d to l o o k at m e ! I t h o u g h t - I t h o u g h t that you were
going to
ask m e
to
marry you!
But you were
only
t h i n k i n g a b o u t h o w t o leave m e . O h - this i s a w f u l ! ' S h e w a l k s away. S h e i s v e r y upset. C h a r l e s j u s t stands there. H e
34
can't m o v e . Actually, h e doesn't k n o w w h a t t o d o . T h e n h e turns r o u n d a n d sees C a r r i e b e h i n d h i m . ' A r e y o u h a v i n g a g o o d t i m e ? ' she asks h i m . 'Oh,
yes,
of course!
Wonderful
—
better
than
my
father's
f u n e r a l ! R e a l l y e n t e r t a i n i n g ! ' C h a r l e s says. ' I t h o u g h t y o u ' d g o n e . ' ' N o - H a m i s h is g o i n g on the n i g h t train to E d i n b u r g h . I just w e n t w i t h h i m to the station. B u t I am leaving now. Do y o u w a n t to come with me?' So
Charles
and
Carrie
drive
off together through
the late-
n i g h t s t r e e t s o f L o n d o n . T h e t a x i t a k e s t h e m t o C a r r i e ' s flat. ' A r e y o u c o m i n g u p f o r a d r i n k ? ' s h e asks C h a r l e s . ' A r e y o u s u r e ? ' h e asks. H e l o o k s r a t h e r d o u b t f u l a b o u t t h e situation. 'Yes
-
I
think
we
can
take
a
chance!'
she j o k e s . 'You're
a t t r a c t i v e — b u t I c a n still r e f u s e y o u , n o p r o b l e m ! Y o u ' r e n o t s o attractive, y o u k n o w ! ' Charles
is
not
feeling very
confident
after
all
the
horrible
things that have h a p p e n e d today, so he doesn't share the j o k e . ' O K . Y e s . G r e a t . ' h e says, w i t h o u t a s m i l e . B u t a s s o o n a s t h e y a r e t o g e t h e r i n C a r r i e ' s flat, it's l i k e t h e last t i m e t h a t t h e y m e t . T h e y k i s s , a n d b e c o m e l o v e r s a g a i n . T h e y are both very happy to be w i t h each other, and they spend the night t o g e t h e r . B u t C a r r i e i s still g o i n g t o m a r r y H a m i s h . C h a r l e s h a s left i t all t o o l a t e . I n t h e e a r l y m o r n i n g , C h a r l e s g e t s u p first. H e p u t s o n h i s formal w e d d i n g suit again; h e d o e s n ' t h a v e a n y o t h e r c l o t h e s w i t h him. He l o o k s at C a r r i e for a l o n g m o m e n t , a n d she l o o k s b a c k at him. She is very beautiful. T h e y s e e m to be in love and Charles doesn't w a n t t o g o . Finally, h e t u r n s a n d leaves t h e r o o m quietly. What w o u l d have happened to the couple if Charles hadn't been so c o n f u s e d ?
35
Chapter 3
A Free Saturday
It is n e a r l y n o o n on Saturday, S e p t e m b e r the b e d , asleep
as
usual. T h e
door
opens, and
1st. C h a r l e s i s i n Scarlett
comes
in,
c a r r y i n g cups a n d plates and the m o r n i n g letters. ' G o o d m o r n i n g , C h a r l e s . I've b r o u g h t u s s o m e breakfast. S o r r y t h e toast's a b i t b u r n t . ' She
sits
down
on
the
edge
of the
bed. Charles
wakes
up.
Scarlett p o u r s t h e tea a n d spreads b u t t e r o n t h e toast. T h e y eat breakfast t o g e t h e r comfortably. ' W h a t a r e y o u g o i n g t o d o t o d a y ? ' s h e asks h i m . ' W e l l , ' says C h a r l e s , ' t o d a y i s a d a y w i t h o u t a w e d d i n g . A f r e e Saturday!* T h e o n l y t h i n g that I have to do is to m e e t D a v i d . I m u s t n ' t b e late for h i m . ' H e p i c k s u p a large w h i t e e n v e l o p e a n d o p e n s it. ' I t h i n k I'll l o o k f o r a j o b t o d a y , ' says S c a r l e t t . ' I h e a r d a b o u t o n e t h e o t h e r day, a s a s h o p assistant. Y o u h a v e t o sell s t r a n g e c l o t h e s t o s t r a n g e p e o p l e . I t h i n k I'd b e g o o d a t it.' B u t C h a r l e s isn't c o n c e n t r a t i n g . H e i s s t u d y i n g t h e card i n t h e envelope. He looks rather upset. ' A r e y o u all r i g h t ? ' S c a r l e t t asks h i m . 'It's t h a t g i r l , C a r r i e - d o y o u r e m e m b e r ? T h e A m e r i c a n g i r l . It's t h e i n v i t a t i o n t o h e r w e d d i n g . '
T h e i n v i t a t i o n a l s o tells g u e s t s t h e a d d r e s s o f t h e s h o p w h e r e t h e y can b u y presents for the b r i d e and g r o o m . T h i s is another c u s t o m f o r s o m e p e o p l e i n E n g l a n d . I t s e e m s t h a t C h a r l e s i s still g o i n g t o s p e n d his t i m e t o d a y o n w e d d i n g s .
* In Britain, most weddings happen on a Saturday.
36
But 'It's
Charles isn't concentrating. He is studying the card in that girl,
Carrie — do you invitation
the envelope.
remember? The American girl. It's the to
her wedding.'
T h e s h o p i s h o r r i b l y e x p e n s i v e . T h e r e are h a n d m a d e c a r p e t s , there is furniture f r o m different parts of t h e w o r l d , a n d the place i s f u l l o f all k i n d s o f u n u s u a l a n d b e a u t i f u l t h i n g s . T h e s h o p assistant i s a l s o v e r y e l e g a n t . S h e l o o k s d o w n h e r nose a t C h a r l e s , w h o i s w e a r i n g a n o l d shirt w i t h his shorts a n d r u n n i n g s h o e s . H e d o e s n ' t l o o k a t all s m a r t . ' E x c u s e m e , ' h e asks h e r . ' D o y o u h a v e t h e w e d d i n g list f o r Banks? Hamish and Carrie Banks?' Carrie Banks is w h a t Carrie w i l l b e called after h e r m a r r i a g e t o H a m i s h . T h e assistant l o o k s a t C h a r l e s w i t h d i s l i k e . ' C e r t a i n l y , sir. I c a n s h o w y o u plenty o f presents for a b o u t o n e t h o u s a n d pounds.' ' A h ! ' says C h a r l e s , w h o i s a m a z e d , b u t i s t r y i n g n o t t o s h o w it. ' W h a t a b o u t p r e s e n t s f o r fifty p o u n d s ? ' ' Y o u c a n b u y t h i s o n e , ' says t h e assistant. S h e p o i n t s t o a l i f e size w o o d e n A f r i c a n m a n .
37
' T h i s ? ' says C h a r l e s . ' E x c e l l e n t ! ' ' Y o u c a n b u y it,' t h e assistant says n a s t i l y , ' i f y o u c a n f i n d s o m e o n e to pay the other three thousand, nine hundred and fifty pounds.' C h a r l e s s m i l e s . H e i s still b e i n g v e r y p o l i t e a n d t r y i n g t o l o o k calm. ' O r w e sell p l a s t i c b a g s f o r o n e p o u n d f i f t y p e n c e e a c h , ' s h e continues. ' W h y don't y o u just b u y thirty-three of them?' 'Actually, I You've
been
think very
I'll
...'
probably leave He
was
going
it. T h a n k s to
say
very
'helpful',
much. but
it
w o u l d n ' t be true. A s h e turns r o u n d t o g o o u t o f the shop, C a r r i e walks in. ' W h a t d i d y o u g e t ? ' s h e asks h i m , s m i l i n g . S h e l o o k s v e r y h a p p y . 'Oh
—
nothing,
nothing
yet!
I've j u s t
been
looking,'
says
C h a r l e s . It is o n c e again a surprise to m e e t her. He is always d e l i g h t e d t o s e e h e r , b u t h e n e v e r k n o w s w h a t t o say. 'It's n i c e t o s e e y o u , ' s h e says. 'It's n i c e t o s e e you,' says C h a r l e s . 'It's g r e a t , g e t t i n g p r e s e n t s , ' says C a r r i e . S h e l a u g h s . ' W h y d i d n ' t I
get
married
years
ago?
Has
anybody
bought
the
wooden
A f r i c a n y e t ? ' s h e asks t h e assistant. ' T h e y o u n g m a n i s t h i n k i n g a b o u t it,' says t h e assistant, i c i l y polite. C h a r l e s n o d s t h o u g h t f u l l y , t r y i n g to l o o k as if this is a s e r i o u s idea. 'Oh
n o , ' says
Carrie, w h o
is
quick
to
understand. ' G e t me
s o m e t h i n g small — a t e a p o t or s o m e t h i n g . A r e y o u free for a b o u t half an hour?' ' Y e s — I h a v e t o m e e t m y b r o t h e r , b u t — I c a n b e a l i t t l e b i t late.' It's a l i e . D a v i d w i l l b e a n n o y e d i f C h a r l e s i s l a t e . B u t h e d o e s n ' t w a n t t o miss the c h a n c e t o spend s o m e t i m e w i t h C a r r i e . 'Good,'
she
says.
'Come
with
important decision.' • 38
me.
I've
got
to
make
an
S h e t a k e s C h a r l e s o f f t o t h e dress s h o p w h e r e s h e p l a n s t o c h o o s e h e r w e d d i n g dress. ' T h e m o s t i m p o r t a n t t h i n g ' , she says,'is — please d o n ' t laugh!' ' O K . R i g h t , ' says C h a r l e s , s e r i o u s l y . T h e assistant b r i n g s d r e s s a f t e r d r e s s . C a r r i e t a k e s e a c h o n e a w a y a n d t r i e s i t o n . E a c h t i m e , w h e n she's r e a d y , s h e c o m e s o u t a n d s h o w s C h a r l e s . T h e first dress i s v e r y c o m p l i c a t e d , w i t h full skirts. ' W h a t d o y o u t h i n k ? ' s h e asks h i m . ' L o v e l y ! ' says C h a r l e s . ' I s n ' t i t a b i t l i k e a c a k e ? ' s h e asks h i m . W e l l — ' says C h a r l e s . ' D o n ' t w o r r y , ' says C a r r i e . ' I t h o u g h t s o t o o ! B u t w e ' v e o n l y just b e g u n . ' S h e c o m e s o u t n e x t i n a v e r y m o d e r n style o f dress. A c t u a l l y , it is n o t r e a l l y a dress at all — it's a s u i t w i t h t r o u s e r s , a l o n g o p e n coat, a n d a v e r y small top. S e x y ! ' W h a t d o y o u t h i n k t h i s t i m e ? ' asks C a r r i e . ' Y o u ' r e j o k i n g ! ' says C h a r l e s . ' B u t it's w o n d e r f u l , isn't it? M a y b e n e x t t i m e . . . ' T h e n e x t dress i s l o n g , i n a ' c o u n t r y g i r l ' s t y l e , l i k e a n o l d e i g h t e e n t h - c e n t u r y picture. It is quite sweet, but n o t right for Carrie. ' W h a t d o y o u t h i n k ? ' s h e asks a g a i n . ' A h — ' says C h a r l e s . ' I k n e w i t ! ' s h e says, s m i l i n g , a n d g o e s b e h i n d t h e c u r t a i n t o take it off. T h e n s h e c o m e s o u t i n a v e r y s i m p l e , b u t v e r y s e x y dress. 'It's a b i t sexy,' s h e says. ' I f I w a s y o u r h u s b a n d , I'd b e s o p r o u d , ' says C h a r l e s , a n d h e m e a n s it. ' B u t m a y b e y o u ' r e r i g h t . Y o u d o n ' t w a n t t h e p r i e s t t o get t o o excited!' A f t e r C a r r i e has c h o s e n h e r dress, t h e y g o t o a cafe t o g e t h e r
39
to d r i n k tea. It has started to rain n o w . 'Marriage
is
s t r a n g e , ' says
C h a r l e s . 'Just
one
man
and
one
w o m a n — n o m o r e l o v e r s , e v e r ! D o y o u t h i n k y o u ' l l stay f a i t h f u l ? ' 'Yes, o n c e I ' m married,' C a r r i e replies. 'I told H a m i s h that I w o u l d k i l l h i m i f h e g o e s w i t h a n o t h e r w o m a n . S o I'd b e t t e r d o the same, I think, and leave o t h e r m e n alone.' ' Q u i t e r i g h t , ' says C h a r l e s . ' A n d I ' v e h a d p l e n t y o f l o v e r s i n m y life,' s h e c o n t i n u e s . ' H a v e y o u ? ' asks C h a r l e s , s u r p r i s e d . ' H o w m a n y i s " p l e n t y " ? ' ' W e l l — o h I d o n ' t k n o w , ' says C a r r i e , a l i t t l e b i t e m b a r r a s s e d . ' M o r e than one.' ' T e l l m e ! ' says C h a r l e s . ' T h e r e a r e n o s e c r e t s b e t w e e n u s n o w . I've s e e n t h e w e d d i n g dress, r e m e m b e r ? ' ' W e l l — ' says C a r r i e , a n d s h e starts t o c o u n t o n h e r f i n g e r s . ' T h e first o n e , o f c o u r s e , y o u n e v e r f o r g e t . I t w a s n i c e . N u m b e r t w o h e h a d t o o m u c h h a i r o n his b a c k ! T h r e e — f o u r - f i v e - n u m b e r six w a s o n m y birthday, i n m y parents' b e d r o o m . ' ' W h i c h b i r t h d a y ? ' asks C h a r l e s q u i c k l y . ' M y seventeenth,' she answers. 'Seventeen? Y o u
got
to
number
six
by
your
seventeenth
birthday?' ' I g r e w u p i n t h e c o u n t r y — it's d i f f e r e n t t h e r e , ' s h e says. ' O K — s e v e n w a s g o o d . E i g h t - rather small! T h a t w a s a s h o c k ! N i n e w e w e r e s t a n d i n g u p a g a i n s t a g a t e . N e v e r t r y it, C h a r l e s . It's v e r y uncomfortable.' 'I won't,' he promises h e r seriously. ' T e n w a s w o n d e r f u l , really like heaven.' ' I h a t e h i m , ' says C h a r l e s . 'Eleven — no g o o d . N u m b e r s twelve to seventeen were during m y u n i v e r s i t y y e a r s . T h e y w e r e all n i c e , i n t e l l i g e n t b o y s — b u t t h e sex wasn't m u c h g o o d . E i g h t e e n broke my heart. I couldn't forget h i m for years afterwards.' ' I ' m s o r r y , ' C h a r l e s says.
40
'I
d o n ' t r e m e m b e r n u m b e r n i n e t e e n . B u t m y g i r l f r i e n d says
that it did h a p p e n — t w i c e . S h e shared my r o o m , so she should k n o w . T w e n t y — are
we really at t w e n t y ?
God! Twenty-one —
horrible! I d o n ' t w a n t to talk a b o u t h i m . T w e n t y - t w o - well, he w a s a l w a y s f a l l i n g a s l e e p ! T h a t w a s m y first y e a r i n E n g l a n d . ' ' I m u s t a p o l o g i z e f o r E n g l a n d , a n d E n g l i s h m e n , ' says C h a r l e s . ' T w e n t y - t h r e e and t w e n t y - f o u r w e r e together — I w o n ' t forget that!' ' S e r i o u s l y ? ' asks C h a r l e s , b u t s h e w o n ' t a n s w e r h i m . H e i s n o t s u r e h o w m u c h o f t h i s i s s e r i o u s a t all. 'Twenty-five was a lovely F r e n c h m a n . T w e n t y - s i x was an awful F r e n c h m a n . T w e n t y - s e v e n w a s a mistake.' ' S u d d e n l y , a t n u m b e r t w e n t y - s e v e n , y o u m a d e a m i s t a k e ? ' asks C h a r l e s . ' C a n this really b e t r u e ? ' ' H e k e p t o n s c r e a m i n g , ' says C a r r i e s i m p l y . ' I n e a r l y g a v e u p sex after that. B u t
S p e n c e r c h a n g e d m y m i n d for me. H e was
n u m b e r t w e n t y - e i g h t . T h e n there w a s his father, n u m b e r t w e n t y nine.' 'Spencer's father?' Charles repeats. ' T h e n thirty — horrible! T h i r t y - o n e — oh my G o d ! T h i r t y - t w o - ' she p a u s e s . ' T h i r t y - t w o w a s lovely. A n d t h e n there's H a m i s h , n u m b e r thirty-three.' 'So know
I w a s - a f t e r H a m i s h ? ' asks C h a r l e s . H e r e a l l y w a n t s t o now.
' N o , y o u w e r e thirty-two,' replies C a r r i e , and Charles thinks a b o u t this. ' T h a t ' s i t , t h e n , ' says C a r r i e . ' L e s s t h a n M a d o n n a , m o r e t h a n Princess D i a n a — I
hope. W h a t about you? H o w many people
have y o u slept w i t h ? ' ' N o t as m a n y as you!' Charles answers. 'I probably don't have e n o u g h time. W h a t do I do w i t h my time? Actually, I d o n ' t really k n o w . I w o r k - y e s , that's it! W o r k , w o r k a n d m o r e w o r k . I ' m always w o r k i n g late!'
41
Carrie and Charles both stop talking. moment; something
has
There
happened,
is a very serious, silent
and
they
both feel
it.
C a r r i e laughs. A n d suddenly, they both stop talking. T h e r e is a v e r y s e r i o u s , silent m o m e n t ; s o m e t h i n g has h a p p e n e d , a n d t h e y b o t h feel it. ' I w i s h I'd p h o n e d y o u , ' says C h a r l e s . ' B u t y o u d i d n ' t r i n g m e . ' T h e n h e l o o k s a t his w a t c h . ' O h , hell! H e l p m e , please! I ' m late — again!'
W h e n t h e y r e a c h t h e c i n e m a , D a v i d i s still w a i t i n g o u t s i d e . I f i t h a d n ' t b e e n h i s b r o t h e r h e w o u l d h a v e p r o b a b l y h a v e left b y n o w . C h a r l e s i s very, v e r y late. D a v i d signs t o
him, 'You're not my
b r o t h e r any m o r e ! Y o u ' r e just s o m e stupid fool that I o n c e m e t ! ' ' C a r r i e , t h i s i s D a v i d , m y b r o t h e r , ' says C h a r l e s . ' T h i s i s C a r r i e , ' he signs.
42
' H i , ' says C a r r i e . ' W e w e r e b u y i n g a w e d d i n g dress f o r her,' C h a r l e s signs. 'That's
a
really
poor
excuse,'
David
replies.
'Who's
she
marrying?' They
can
now
have
a
secret
conversation, because
Carrie
doesn't understand sign language. ' A r e a l f o o l , ' says C h a r l e s . ' H o w d o e s a f o o l f i n d a b e a u t i f u l w i f e l i k e h e r ? ' asks D a v i d . C a r r i e is w a i t i n g for a translation. 'Yes,
I'm just
telling
David
that
you're
marrying
Hamish.
" W h a t a l u c k y m a n ! " h e said t o m e . ' ' D i d n ' t y o u m a k e l o v e t o h e r o n c e ? ' asks D a v i d . F o r t u n a t e l y , C a r r i e still c a n ' t u n d e r s t a n d . ' H e w a n t s t o k n o w w h e r e y o u are g e t t i n g m a r r i e d , ' C h a r l e s p r e t e n d s to translate. 'In Scotland,' C a r r i e answers. 'She's
g o t l o v e l y b r e a s t s ! ' says D a v i d , a n d u s e s
his
hands
to
describe them. ' " O h , lovely
hills
up
there
in
Scotland," he
says!'
Charles
translates q u i c k l y . ' W h y d o n ' t y o u c o m e t o t h e w e d d i n g ? ' C a r r i e asks D a v i d . ' I ' d like s o m e n i c e friends to c o m e — H a m i s h is g o i n g to invite s o m e awful p e o p l e . W e l l , y o u ' d b e t t e r g o i n a n d see t h e film. G o o d b y e ! ' T h e b r o t h e r s w a t c h h e r a s she w a l k s away. C h a r l e s a n d D a v i d g o i n t o t h e c i n e m a , b u t s u d d e n l y C h a r l e s c h a n g e s his m i n d . ' O h , h e l l ! ' h e says. He runs out of the
c i n e m a and chases
Carrie
u p t h e steps.
D a v i d i s left a l o n e a t t h e e n t r a n c e t o t h e c i n e m a . C h a r l e s c a t c h e s u p w i t h C a r r i e b y the river. 'Carrie!
-
Sorry, sorry!
Oh
—
b o u g h t y o u r w e d d i n g dress. B u t
this I
is
stupid — you've just
w o n d e r e d if there was any
c h a n c e — n o , o b v i o u s l y n o t ! I've o n l y slept w i t h n i n e w o m e n - so w h y a m I a s k i n g silly q u e s t i o n s ? B u t I j u s t w o n d e r e d — I r e a l l y
43
f e e l — w e l l , let m e say i t m o r e clearly, l i k e t h e m a n i n t h e s o n g . O r was it the m a n on television? "I think I love y o u . " W o u l d y o u p e r h a p s l i k e t o — n o , n o , o f c o u r s e n o t ! I ' m a f o o l , a n d h e isn't. E x c e l l e n t . E x c e l l e n t . L o v e l y t o see y o u . M u s t g o n o w ' H e turns t o leave, t h e n adds, ' D a m n ! ' ' T h a t w a s v e r y s w e e t , ' says C a r r i e . S h e i s s m i l i n g a t h i m a n d l o o k s v e r y affectionate. ' W e l l , I t h o u g h t a b o u t it a lot, y o u k n o w . I w a n t e d to get it just r i g h t . It's i m p o r t a n t t h a t I ' v e s a i d it.' ' W h a t h a v e y o u s a i d , e x a c t l y ? ' asks C a r r i e . 'I said that I t h i n k — o h , y o u k n o w w h a t I said!' C h a r l e s is f i n d i n g this v e r y difficult. ' Y o u ' r e l o v e l y , ' says C a r r i e , a n d k i s s e s h i m . F o r a m i n u t e , t h e y stand c l o s e t o g e t h e r , t h e n C a r r i e w a l k s away. S h e l o o k s b a c k a t h i m o n e last t i m e .
44
Chapter 4 T h e Third Wedding You on
are invited to September 28th,
the wedding of Hamish in
the church
Perthshire,
at
and
Carrie
Glenthrist
Castle,
Scotland
It is already a cold, w e t a u t u m n in Scotland by the time of H a m i s h and Carrie's w e d d i n g . T h e m o u n t a i n s and lakes l o o k v e r y beautiful b u t also v e r y g l o o m y a n d g r e y . C h a r l e s a r r i v e s l a t e — a s u s u a l - a n d tries t o c h a n g e q u i c k l y o u t o f t h e w a r m , h e a v y c l o t h e s t h a t h e p u t on
for
the journey. He
takes
o f f his
pullover and puts
on
his
w e d d i n g c o a t b e f o r e h e steps o u t o f t h e car. T h e w e d d i n g i s i n t h e little c h u r c h t h a t b e l o n g s t o H a m i s h ' s castle. T h e d o o r of the church makes a l o u d noise as Charles opens it. ' S o r r y , s o r r y , ' h e w h i s p e r s . E v e r y b o d y t u r n s r o u n d t o s e e w h o ' s there. T h e little c h u r c h l o o k s c h a r m i n g . T h e s e r v i c e has b e g u n , a n d C a r r i e is standing w i t h H a m i s h and the priest at the front. S h e l o o k s l o v e l y , t o o - s e r i o u s , b u t b e a u t i f u l . T h e p r i e s t asks H a m i s h w h e t h e r h e w i l l take C a r r i e for his w i f e . ' I d o , ' says H a m i s h . H e asks C a r r i e w h e t h e r s h e i s w i l l i n g t o t a k e H a m i s h f o r h e r husband. 'I do,' answers C a r r i e . ' D a m n , d a m n , d a m n it to hell!' whispers Charles as violently as h e d a r e s . H i s last h o p e has d i s a p p e a r e d .
T h e reception is
in the fine
castle
that H a m i s h
owns. As the
guests w a l k there f r o m the c h u r c h t h e y c a n h e a r special Scottish music b e i n g played. W h e n
they arrive, they
45
are w e l c o m e d b y
servants w h o are w e a r i n g f o r m a l S c o t t i s h u n i f o r m s . A m o n g t h e guests, m a n y o f t h e m e n are w e a r i n g S c o t t i s h - s t y l e
clothes t o o
a n d s o m e o f t h e ladies are also dressed i n t h e S c o t t i s h style. T h e b r i d e , t h e g r o o m a n d t h e f a m i l y are s t a n d i n g i n a line. T h e guests shake hands w i t h t h e m as t h e y c o m e in. C a r r i e is standing at the e n d o f the line, n e x t t o H a m i s h . Charles congratulates C a r r i e . ' Y o u l o o k b e a u t i f u l , ' h e says a s h e s h a k e s h e r h a n d . T h e r e is s o m e lively
Scottish
dancing in the middle
of the
room. ' O h , g r e a t ! ' says
G a r e t h . 'It's l i k e o n e o f t h o s e f i l m s ! It's s o
Scottish that it can't possibly be true!' H e j o i n s i n the d a n c i n g enthusiastically. ' D e a r f r i e n d s , ' h e says a l i t t l e l a t e r , w h e n h i s u s u a l g r o u p o f friends is standing together at the edge of the r o o m . ' N o n e of us is m a r r i e d . Y o u k n o w , I w a s always p r o u d of that. N o t a w e d d i n g r i n g b e t w e e n u s ! B u t n o w , I ' m g e t t i n g o l d e r , a n d it's s u d d e n l y b e g u n t o m a k e m e s a d . I'd l i k e t o g o t o t h e w e d d i n g o f s o m e o n e w h o I really love.' ' W e l l , d o n ' t b l a m e m e ! ' says T o m . ' I ' v e a s k e d e v e r y b o d y t h a t I k n o w to marry me!' ' Y o u h a v e n ' t a s k e d m e , ' says S c a r l e t t , a l i t t l e sadly. ' H a v e n ' t I ? ' asks T o m i n s u r p r i s e . ' N o , ' she shakes h e r head. 'Well, Scarlett — w o u l d y o u like to m a r r y m e ? ' ' N o t h a n k y o u , T o m . I t w a s v e r y n i c e o f y o u t o ask m e . ' ' W e l l , a n y t i m e y o u l i k e , ' says T o m k i n d l y . ' G o o d m a n , T o m ! ' s h o u t s G a r e t h . ' N o w , w h y d o n ' t t h e rest o f y o u d o the same? G o a n d f i n d husbands and w i v e s for yourselves! Those
are y o u r o r d e r s
for tonight. B u t first we'll
all d r i n k t o
"True Love!'" 'What
about y o u , Fi?' T o m
asks
husband here?' ' O h , g e t lost, T o m ! ' replies Fiona.
46
his
sister. ' C a n y o u
see
a
' T r u e l o v e ! ' T h e y all raise t h e i r g l a s s e s . Tom
takes
the
idea
seriously. He
tries
to
talk to
a pretty
w o m a n , 'A lot of p e o p l e actually m e e t their husbands and wives a t w e d d i n g s . D i d y o u k n o w that?' 'Yes, I m e t my husband at a w e d d i n g , ' she answers h i m . ' O h . O h w e l l , ' says T o m , a n d d r i n k s t h e rest o f his w i n e v e r y q u i c k l y . ' L o o k a t t h a t ! M y glass i s e m p t y . E x c u s e m e — ' Scarlett s e e m s t o b e h a v i n g b e t t e r l u c k . T h e p e r s o n she i s talking to is probably the best-looking m a n at the wedding. A n d he's n o t w e a r i n g S c o t t i s h c l o t h e s — he's A m e r i c a n . ' H e l l o , m y n a m e ' s S c a r l e t t . L i k e S c a r l e t t O ' H a r a i n Gone with the Wind,*
b u t I ' m m u c h less t r o u b l e t h a n s h e w a s ! W h a t ' s y o u r n a m e ? '
' M y n a m e ' s R h e t t , ' says t h e A m e r i c a n . ' N o — f r o m the same story? N o t really?' ' N o , n o t really' h e smiles. ' M y name's Chester.' 'You're a j o k e r ! ' Scarlett laughs. ' W h e n I m e e t Americans, I always think that they're g o i n g t o b e b o r i n g . B u t o f course, you're n o t b o r i n g , are y o u ? Y o u ' r e l o v e l y ! ' Scarlett has t o l o o k u p a l o n g w a y w h e n she talks t o C h e s t e r . H e i s v e r y tall a n d s h e i s s h o r t . I t l o o k s q u i t e f u n n y C h a r l e s is h i d i n g f r o m H e n r i e t t a , b u t she s o o n finds h i m . ' O h , hi, H e n ! S o r r y — I didn't c o m e to talk to y o u because I really d o n ' t w a n t a n a r g u m e n t t o d a y I ' m sure that w e ' v e g o t lots t o talk a b o u t , b u t n o t today, H e n , n o t today!' ' D i d I b e h a v e b a d l y , last t i m e ? ' H e n r i e t t a a s k s . ' I t w a s q u i t e f r i g h t e n i n g , ' says C h a r l e s . ' L i k e a m u r d e r film.' H e n r i e t t a l a u g h s - she is in a g o o d m o o d . C h a r l e s d e c i d e s that he's safe w i t h h e r t o d a y , a n d s o h e g o e s o n t a l k i n g t o h e r . ' O h , H e n , I ' m d e p r e s s e d , ' says C h a r l e s . ' W h a t a b o u t y o u ? H o w are y o u ? '
* A f a m o u s f i l m a n d n o v e l . S c a r l e t t a n d R h e t t are t h e n a m e s o f t h e t w o m o s t i m p o r t a n t p e o p l e i n it.
47
'Well,
I'm
quite
happy
actually,'
she
says. ' I ' v e
got
a
new
boyfriend and my weight's d o w n to almost nothing.' ' P e r h a p s y o u w e r e r i g h t , H e n , ' says C h a r l e s . ' P e r h a p s w e s h o u l d have got married.' ' G o d , n o ! ' says H e n r i e t t a . ' I d o n ' t w a n t t o m a r r y y o u r f r i e n d s too, specially Fiona.' ' F i o n a l o v e s y o u , ' says C h a r l e s . ' F i o n a calls m e D u c k - F a c e , ' says H e n r i e t t a . ' I ' v e n e v e r h e a r d t h a t ! ' says C h a r l e s . H e n r i e t t a k n o w s that he's l y i n g . ' C o m e t o l u n c h s o m e t i m e , ' she says. ' G i v e m e a r i n g . ' S h e g i v e s h i m a g e n t l e kiss o n t h e c h e e k . A s she w a l k s away, F i o n a c o m e s u p t o C h a r l e s . ' H o w ' s D u c k F a c e ? ' she asks. ' S h e ' s f i n e , a c t u a l l y , ' says C h a r l e s . ' N o t t o o m a d a t t h e m o m e n t . '
' L a d i e s a n d g e n t l e m a n , ' says t h e b e s t m a n . ' T h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m ! ' H a m i s h and C a r r i e dance together in the middle of the r o o m . It's a f o r m a l S c o t t i s h d a n c e a n d e v e r y b o d y c l a p s t h e m . C h a r l e s a n d F i o n a w a t c h the h a p p y c o u p l e w i t h the o t h e r guests. Fiona p u t s h e r h a n d o n C h a r l e s ' s s h o u l d e r a n d l o o k s a t h i m . S h e c a n see that h e l o o k s sad. ' Y o u l i k e t h i s g i r l , d o n ' t y o u C h a r l e s ? ' asks F i o n a . ' Y e s — it's a s t r a n g e t h i n g , t h i s l o v e b u s i n e s s , w h e n a t last i t happens
...
and
now
she's
marrying
C h a r l e s . ' B u t w h a t a b o u t y o u , Fifi?
another
man,'
answers
H a v e y o u m e t y o u r future
husband here?' ' N o — a n d I w o n ' t — it's n o t l i k e t h a t . I ' v e b e e n i n l o v e w i t h t h e s a m e m a n for years.' ' H a v e y o u ? ' C h a r l e s asks i n s u r p r i s e . ' W h o ' s t h a t ? ' ' Y o u , C h a r l i e , ' says F i o n a , v e r y l i g h t l y . C h a r l e s s t o p s s m i l i n g . He looks
shocked. Fiona walks away and goes into
r o o m . C h a r l e s follows her.
48
a
quieter
'It w a s a l w a y s y o u , e v e r s i n c e w e first m e t , ' says F i o n a . ' I k n e w t h a t f r o m t h e first m o m e n t I s a w y o u . " A c r o s s a c r o w d e d r o o m " — you
k n o w w h a t t h e y say!
But it
doesn't matter. We
can't
do
a n y t h i n g a b o u t it. T h a t ' s life. A n d w e ' r e f r i e n d s — " f r i e n d s " isn't b a d , y o u k n o w . It's q u i t e g o o d , really.' C h a r l e s is upset, a n d he feels h e r p a i n . A f e w m o n t h s a g o , he didn't k n o w love, b u t n o w h e k n o w s h o w i t feels. H e i s d e e p l y sorry for her, a n d takes h e r hand. ' O h , F i ! It's n o t easy, i s i t ? ' ' N o . B u t forget it — it can't h a p p e n b e t w e e n us, Charlie.' J u s t t h e n , M a t t h e w c o m e s i n . F i o n a p r e t e n d s t h a t n o t h i n g has happened. ' M a t t h e w d e a r ! ' s h e says b r i g h t l y . ' W h e r e ' s G a r e t h ? ' 'He's being rude to Americans,' M a t t h e w answers. ' H o w thoughtful of him!' Gareth
is
surprised
as
dancing
with
he
turns
Gareth
is
her
dancing
an
American
round
with
49
fast
woman.
and j u m p s
an American
woman.
She
looks
about
quite
violently. T o m is d a n c i n g t o o , a n d l o o k i n g h o p e f u l l y at e v e r y girl i n t h e r o o m . H e c l e a r l y hasn't f o u n d his f u t u r e w i f e y e t ! W h e n it's t i m e f o r t h e s p e e c h e s , G a r e t h c o m e s b a c k o v e r t o h i s friends, v e r y hot. ' L a d i e s a n d g e n t l e m e n , fill y o u r g l a s s e s , p l e a s e , ' says t h e b e s t m a n . ' U n u s u a l l y , t h e b r i d e w i l l m a k e t h e first s p e e c h . ' ' E x c e l l e n t , ' says G a r e t h . ' I l o v e t h i s g i r l ! ' He l o o k s at C h a r l e s — he k n o w s a b o u t Charles's feelings for Carrie now. ' T h a n k y o u , ' says C a r r i e , a s e v e r y b o d y c l a p s h e r . ' A n d t h a n k y o u t o those p e o p l e w h o ' v e f l o w n i n f r o m the U n i t e d States. Congratulations though
you
coming
too!'
to
the
rest
knew
that
all
of you! these
You
came
terrible
here,
even
Americans
were
People laugh, and Charles looks at C a r r i e w i t h love. ' M y d e a r D a d s h o u l d b e t h e o n e t o g i v e t h i s s p e e c h . B u t , sadly, h e ' s n o t a l i v e t o d a y . I f h e w a s h e r e , I k n o w w h a t h e w o u l d say: " L o v e l y dress, girl! B u t w h y t h e hell are y o u m a r r y i n g a m a n i n a skirt?'" T h e y l a u g h a g a i n , t h o u g h H a m i s h i s n o t v e r y p l e a s e d w i t h this j o k e about Scottish clothes. ' M y a n s w e r is,' C a r r i e
continues, '"Because
I
love him." As
J o h n L e n n o n s a i d , " L o v e i s t h e a n s w e r . " A n d w e all k n o w t h a t . ' T h e guests clap loudly. C h a r l e s can't b e l i e v e that h e has b e e n s o stupid. W h y did h e let h e r g o ? I f h e hadn't b e e n s o s l o w h e w o u l d have b e e n t h e g r o o m here today. ' O h , o n e m o r e t h i n g ! ' says C a r r i e . ' S o m e o n e h e r e s a i d t h a t i f t h i n g s d i d n ' t g o w e l l w i t h H a m i s h , h e w o u l d b e r e a d y t o t a k e his p l a c e . W e l l , t h a n k y o u , a n d I'll l e t y o u k n o w ! ' I t i s a v e r y c h e e k y t h i n g t o say, b u t H a m i s h l a u g h s l o u d l y . H e b e g i n s t o m a k e his s p e e c h n o w , v e r y c o n f i d e n t l y . H a m i s h i s n o t s e l f - c o n s c i o u s . H e has h a d years o f p r a c t i c e i n p u b l i c s p e a k i n g . S u d d e n l y there is a l o u d noise, a k i n d of crash, at the back.
50
'Oh
dear — s o m e o n e
doesn't agree w i t h me!' he jokes. ' N o
p r o b l e m ! I ' m u s e d t o that!' But
the
crash
was
Gareth, falling u n c o n s c i o u s
to
the floor.
Charles, D a v i d and T o m get to h i m quickly. ' F i n d a d o c t o r , ' says C h a r l e s , u r g e n t l y . W h i l e H a m i s h i s still speaking, a d o c t o r is f o u n d a m o n g the w e d d i n g guests. He gives Gareth a quick examination. T h e n they carry h i m into a quieter r o o m , a n d p u t h i m d o w n g e n t l y o n t h e g r o u n d . C h a r l e s i s o n his k n e e s , h o l d i n g G a r e t h ' s h e a d . B u t it's t o o l a t e . G a r e t h i s d e a d . T h e n h e decides that h e must find M a t t h e w q u i c k l y a m o n g the crowd
o f guests.
C h a r l e s sees M a t t h e w a n d w a l k s t o w a r d s h i m . Just b e f o r e h e reaches
h i m , he
s t o p s — it's
a
hard m o m e n t . T h e n
he
moves
f o r w a r d , t a k e s M a t t h e w ' s a r m a n d w h i s p e r s t o h i m . A s h e tells h i m a b o u t G a r e t h they can hear the guests b e h i n d t h e m b e g i n to sing.
51
Chapter 5
A Funeral
It is t h e day of Gareth's funeral. It takes place in t h e t o w n w h e r e Gareth's parents live, a small
and dirty
t o w n , full
of factories.
G a r e t h d i d n ' t c o m e f r o m a r i c h family. It is r a i n i n g a n d grey, and everyone
looks
very
sad.
It
is
a
big
contrast
to
the
three
w o n d e r f u l w e d d i n g s . M a t t h e w a n d G a r e t h ' s f a m i l y are d r i v e n t o t h e c h u r c h i n a l a r g e b l a c k car. I n f r o n t o f t h e m i s t h e car w i t h Gareth's coffin. C h a r l e s a r r i v e s a t t h e c h u r c h a n d sits d o w n n e x t t o
Fiona,
p u t t i n g his a r m a r o u n d her. C a r r i e is there t o o , q u i e t a n d w h i t e faced
at
the
back. T h e
atmosphere
is
very
different
from
the
a t m o s p h e r e at the w e d d i n g s . E v e r y b o d y is w e a r i n g dark clothes and n o b o d y is talking. ' G o o d m o r n i n g , ' the priest w e l c o m e s everybody. ' W e l c o m e to y o u all, o n t h i s c o l d day. O u r s e r v i c e w i l l b e g i n i n a f e w m i n u t e s , b u t f i r s t w e ' v e a s k e d G a r e t h ' s c l o s e s t f r i e n d , M a t t h e w , t o say a f e w words.' Matthew
steps
forward
and
stands
near
the
coffin.
It
has
b e a u t i f u l f l o w e r s o n it. 'Gareth
preferred
funerals
to
weddings. " O n e
day
I
shall
p r o b a b l y h a v e a funeral," he said, " b u t a w e d d i n g — n e v e r ! ' " P e o p l e s m i l e a n d b e g i n t o feel a little bi t m o r e c o m f o r t a b l e . ' I r a n g a f e w p e o p l e a n d a s k e d t h e m a b o u t G a r e t h . W h a t did t h e y t h i n k a b o u t h i m ? W h a t c o m e s i n t o t h e i r m i n d s w h e n they h e a r his n a m e ? W e l l , a l o t o f p e o p l e said, " F a t . " A n d a lot m o r e s a i d " T e r r i b l y r u d e . " S o " v e r y fat a n d v e r y r u d e " w a s t h e w a y that strangers d e s c r i b e d G a r e t h . B u t t h e n s o m e o f y o u here rang m e a n d s a i d t h a t y o u l o v e d h i m . Y o u r e m e m b e r v i s i t i n g G a r e t h , and how
kind
he
was
to
his
guests. Y o u
remember
what
an
a d v e n t u r o u s c o o k h e w a s . F o r t u n a t e l y , t h e s e c r e t s o f s o m e o f his
52
Matthew steps forward and stands
dishes, like
d u c k w i t h b a n a n a , are
near the
coffin.
lost for ever!
Gareth
really
l o v e d life. I h o p e y o u w i l l r e m e m b e r h i m s p e c i a l l y f o r t h a t . ' H o w do I r e m e m b e r h i m ? I can't find the w o r d s — I ' m sorry. S o I've t a k e n t h e w o r d s o f that w o n d e r f u l w r i t e r , W . H . A u d e n . T h i s i s w h a t I r e a l l y w a n t t o say.' H e reads f r o m a b o o k .
He was my North, my My working
week
South, my East and West, and my
My noon, my midnight, my
Sunday
rest,
talk, my song
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.
A f t e r the service, p e o p l e m e e t a n d talk o u t s i d e . It w a s a v e r y e m o t i o n a l f u n e r a l a n d e v e r y b o d y l o o k s v e r y sad. T h e
53
car w i t h
Gareth's coffin is d r i v e n away. C h a r l e s f i n d s C a r r i e . 'It's g o o d o f y o u t o c o m e , ' h e says. ' B u t didn't it spoil y o u r h o n e y m o o n ? ' ' O h , i t d o e s n ' t m a t t e r , ' says C a r r i e . ' W e ' l l d o i t a n o t h e r t i m e . Y o u k n o w , that t h i n g y o u said i n t h e street . . . ' ' Y e s , I ' m s o r r y a b o u t t h a t , ' C h a r l e s says q u i c k l y . ' N o , d o n ' t b e s o r r y . I l i k e d i t . I ' m g l a d t h a t y o u said it.' S h e kisses h i m g e n t l y o n t h e c h e e k , t h e n w a l k s away. H e w a t c h e s h e r go' W o u l d y o u l i k e a w a l k , C h a r l i e ? ' asks T o m . 'Yes — g o o d idea.' ' I ' v e n e v e r f e l t l i k e t h a t , ' says T o m . ' N o t l i k e M a t t h e w . N o t t h a t k i n d o f l o v e . W e l l , I felt s o m e t h i n g for Jilly w h e n I w a s y o u n g - ' 'Jilly?' asks C h a r l e s , s u r p r i s e d . ' O u r family dog,' T o m explains. ' Y e s . . . ' says C h a r l e s . 'It's s t r a n g e , i s n ' t i t , w e ' v e all b e e n f r i e n d s for years, and w e never n o t i c e d that M a t t h e w and G a r e t h w e r e really m a r r i e d , i n t h e i r o w n way.' T h e y have r e a c h e d the river, b u t it is n o t an attractive place — t h e r e a r e f a c t o r i e s all a l o n g t h e b a n k s . E v e r y t h i n g l o o k s c o l d a n d g l o o m y . C h a r l e s i s h o l d i n g a n u m b r e l l a a s i t i s still r a i n i n g . 'It's h a r d e s t f o r h i s p a r e n t s , ' says T o m . ' I h o p e I d i e b e f o r e m y children.' ' Y o u ' r e v e r y c o n f i d e n t t h a t y o u ' l l g e t m a r r i e d , ' says C h a r l e s . 'But
should we
get
married
at
all, i f w e
can't
find
the
right
p e r s o n ? W e s a w t o d a y a t t h e s e r v i c e t h a t t h e r e can b e a p e r f e c t marriage. A n d i f w e can't b e like
Gareth and Matthew, perhaps
we should just forget the idea. S o m e of us w o n ' t get m a r r i e d at all.' ' I d o n ' t k n o w , C h a r l i e , ' says T o m , t h o u g h t f u l l y . ' I d o n ' t h o p e f o r the perfect marriage. I ' m n o t l o o k i n g for t h u n d e r and lightning. I j u s t w a n t a nice, friendly girl w h o likes m e t o o . T h e n w e ' l l get m a r r i e d and be happy. It w o r k e d for my parents — well, it did for
54
years, until t h e y separated . ..' ' T h e n I g i v e y o u six m o n t h s at t h e m o s t , T o m , ' replies C h a r l e s . ' Y o u w o n ' t h a v e t o w a i t a n y l o n g e r t h a n that. It'll h a p p e n b e f o r e t h e n , y o u ' l l see. A n d m a y b e y o u ' r e r i g h t . M a y b e w a i t i n g for true l o v e is q u i t e useless.'
55
Chapter 6 T h e Fourth Wedding You
are invited to at
the wedding of Charles and — on July
St Julian's
Church,
Smithfield,
London
15th
EC1
It's C h a r l e s ' s w e d d i n g day, b u t e v e n n o w h e ' s n o t a w a k e ! H i s m a l e f r i e n d s g a v e h i m a s p e c i a l p a r t y last n i g h t , a n d e v e r y b o d y d r a n k t o o m u c h ! T h e a l a r m c l o c k r i n g s , C h a r l e s t u r n s i t off. H e g e t s ready to go b a c k to sleep again. B u t then another bell rings, and another! 'What
the
hell's
happening?' he
asks. H e
looks
around
the
r o o m . T h e r e are t w e n t y o r t h i r t y a l a r m c l o c k s i n t h e r e w i t h h i m ! T o m has b e e n s l e e p i n g n e x t t o h i m . ' I d e c i d e d that w e mustn't b e l a t e ! ' h e says b r i g h t l y . ' I l i k e y o u r h a i r - s t y l e — e x c e l l e n t f o r a w e d d i n g ! ' Charles's hair is a total mess. He gets o u t of b e d and g o e s i n t o t h e k i t c h e n , still i n h i s u n d e r w e a r . M a t t h e w i s a l r e a d y there; he's g o i n g t o b e
Charles's best m a n . U n l i k e
Charles, he
looks very smart. ' M a t t h e w - g r e a t ! ' says
C h a r l e s , sleepily. ' L i s t e n - t h a n k s for
d o i n g this t o d a y ! I w i s h G a r e t h w a s here.' H e k n o w s w h a t a h a r d t i m e M a t t h e w has h a d recently. ' H e ' d l i k e t o b e h e r e t o o , ' says M a t t h e w . ' S o r r y w e ' r e s o l a t e . T h e o t h e r s a r e j u s t p a r k i n g t h e car. W e t h o u g h t t h a t w e c o u l d all g o i n T o m ' s c a r b e c a u s e it's s o b i g . ' ' L a t e ? I s i t s o l a t e ? ' asks C h a r l e s . ' Y e s - it's 9 . 4 5 . ' ' N i n e f o r t y - f i v e ? ' C h a r l e s c a n ' t b e l i e v e it. ' O n l y f o r t y - f i v e m i n u t e s u n t i l y o u say, " I d o . ' " ' O h G o d ! I w a n t e d t h e a l a r m t o r i n g a t e i g h t o ' c l o c k ! I told T o m ! O h , hell!' N o w S c a r l e t t c o m e s i n , still i n h e r n i g h t d r e s s . H e r h a i r l o o k s
56
terrible t o o and she is y a w n i n g . ' S c a r l e t t ? ' M a t t h e w says. ' A r e y o u r e a d y ? ' 'Oh
yes, yes
—' she
answers
s l e e p i l y . 'Just
give
me
twenty
seconds!' A n d she makes herself a c u p of coffee. T h e y d r i v e a s fast a s t h e y c a n t o t h e c h u r c h . C h a r l e s i s still p u t t i n g o n his tie w h e n h e gets o u t o f t h e car. ' W h a t ' s t h e t i m e ? ' h e asks u r g e n t l y . ' H o n e s t l y ? ' asks M a t t h e w . ' Y o u r e a l l y w a n t t o k n o w ? ' ' Y e s — tell m e , p l e a s e ! ' ' W e l l , ' says M a t t h e w , 'it's a b o u t t e n t o n i n e . ' Charles keeps on r u n n i n g towards the church, then suddenly h e realizes w h a t M a t t h e w said. 'You
rats!'
he
shouts.
His
friends
all
start
laughing;
they
c h a n g e d t h e t i m e o n all t h o s e c l o c k s . I f t h e y h a d n ' t p l a y e d t h i s j o k e C h a r l e s w o u l d h a v e b e e n late for his o w n w e d d i n g !
They've got plenty of time now, so
they get s o m e coffee and
d r i n k i t o u t s i d e o n t h e grass. F i o n a d e c i d e s t o m a k e a s p e e c h . ' I ' l l j u s t say a l i t t l e w o r d , ' s h e b e g i n s . ' I ' v e w a t c h e d C h a r l e s ' s girlfriends c o m e and go for years now. I was w o r r i e d that he w o u l d n e v e r g e t m a r r i e d ! B u t n o w everything's g o i n g t o b e fine. U n f o r t u n a t e l y , h i s b r i d e i s q u i t e c r a z y - b u t p e r h a p s that's w h y h e l o v e s h e r ! S o let's d r i n k t o C h a r l e s a n d h i s b e a u t i f u l g i r l o n t h i s sad day. B e h a p p y — a n d d o n ' t f o r g e t u s ! ' ' T h a n k y o u , ' says C h a r l e s . 'To Charles — and Duck-Face!' T h e y raise t h e i r p l a s t i c c o f f e e c u p s a n d d r i n k . ' T h a n k y o u , Fiona, for those f e w k i n d w o r d s a b o u t m y future wife!' C h a r l e s replies. 'She's sent a message for y o u , t o o ! ' He pulls o u t a p i e c e of p a p e r a n d reads - or p r e t e n d s to r e a d — f r o m it. ' " I f a n y o f y o u c o m e n e a r m y h o u s e , I'll s e n d t h e d o g s o u t t o get y o u ! ' "
57
Charles pulls out a piece of paper and reads — or pretends to read — from it. '"If any of you come near my house, I'll send the dogs out to get you!'"
Everyone
laughs,
and
they
set
off
for
the
c h u r c h . Today,
p e r h a p s f o r t h e first t i m e e v e r , C h a r l e s w o n ' t b e l a t e !
J o h n is o n e of the first guests to arrive. He's the m a n w h o s e wife was
still
seeing Toby
de
Lisle.
And
he's
actually
Henrietta's
brother. ' H o p e m y s i s t e r a r r i v e s , ' h e says t o C h a r l e s . ' Y o u c a n ' t h a v e a w e d d i n g w i t h o u t a bride, y o u k n o w . A n d w h y didn't y o u have a p a r t y last n i g h t ? ' ' O h , b u t we did, we did — we didn't t h i n k i t w a s a g o o d idea!' says C h a r l e s h u r r i e d l y . J o h n , o f c o u r s e , w a s n o t i n v i t e d t o t h e party! ' Y o u l o o k l o v e l y t o d a y , Fi,' C h a r l e s says t o F i o n a , a s t h e y e n t e r
58
the c h u r c h together. She's w e a r i n g a smart j a c k e t of red, blue and other colours. 'Yes,' she replies. 'I more.'
Usually,
Fiona
d e c i d e d that I w o u l d n ' t w e a r b l a c k any chooses
black
or
dark
colours
for
her
clothes. ' F r o m n o w on, I'm g o i n g to wear bright colours, and f i n d s o m e b o d y w h o ' l l fall i n l o v e w i t h m e . T h a t ' l l b e d i f f e r e n t , w o n ' t it?' ' Y o u ' r e a d e a r g i r l , ' says C h a r l e s , a n d g i v e s h e r a f r i e n d l y k i s s . C h a r l e s stays a l o n e i n t h e c h u r c h . H e w a l k s a r o u n d a n d l o o k s rather u n c o m f o r t a b l e and nervous. He doesn't l o o k as happy as b r i d e g r o o m s u s u a l l y l o o k o n t h e i r w e d d i n g day. O u t s i d e t h e c h u r c h , S c a r l e t t a n d M a t t h e w are w e l c o m i n g t h e guests. As usual, Scarlett is w e a r i n g s o m e t h i n g strange — this t i m e it's a f o r m a l w e d d i n g s u i t , b u t m a d e i n a m a n ' s s t y l e . I t l o o k s q u i t e s w e e t on her, b u t a little bit o d d . S u d d e n l y , she screams! C h e s t e r has
come
—
her
tall,
charming American
from
Carrie
and
Hamish's w e d d i n g . She is delighted! 'I
thought
that
you'd
gone
back
to
America!'
she
says,
excitedly. ' W i t h o u t y o u ? ' h e asks. ' N e v e r ! ' A n d h e g i v e s h e r a b i g kiss. A n o l d m a n a p p e a r s a t t h e d o o r . It's t h e c r a z y m a n w h o sat n e x t t o C h a r l e s a t t h e first w e d d i n g ! ' B r i d e o r g r o o m ? ' M a t t h e w asks h i m , s o t h a t h e c a n s h o w h i m w h e r e t o sit. T h e o l d m a n l o o k s a t h i m a n g r i l y . ' I ' m n e i t h e r ! ' h e says. ' C a n ' t y o u see?' T o m i s l o o k i n g after a y o u n g l a d y c a l l e d D e i r d r e . ' B r i d e o r g r o o m ? ' h e asks h e r . ' B r i d e , ' s h e says. S h e l o o k s l i k e a n i c e g i r l — v e r y g e n t l e a n d p r e t t y . B u t f o r T o m , it's s o m e t h i n g m o r e . It's l o v e a t first s i g h t ! ' H a v e n ' t w e m e t b e f o r e ? ' h e asks h e r . 'Yes, we have, a b o u t t w e n t y - f i v e years ago. W e ' r e
cousins —
w e l l , distant cousins!' she smiles a t h i m . ' Y o u ' r e T o m , aren't y o u ? '
59
' S o y o u ' r e f a m i l y ! W o n d e r f u l — w e l l , d o sit h e r e , D e i r d r e , ' h e says. ' G o o d G o d ! ' h e tells h i m s e l f , a s h e w a l k s a w a y . ' T h u n d e r a n d lightning!' C h a r l e s i s e v e n m o r e n e r v o u s n o w , a s h e s e e s all t h e g u e s t s c o m i n g in. ' G o o d l u c k ! ' says t h e p r i e s t , p a s s i n g by. Lydia and B e r n a r d arrive together, and Charles goes over to welcome
them.
' H o w are y o u ? ' h e asks. ' V e r y t i r e d , a c t u a l l y , ' says B e r n a r d . T h e n C h a r l e s s u d d e n l y sees C a r r i e , w h o has c o m e a l o n e . H e didn't have any idea that she w a s c o m i n g . She's l o o k i n g elegant b u t s h e s e e m s to be in a q u i e t m o o d , a n d a little sad. ' H i ! ' h e says. ' Y o u l o o k lovely. B u t t h e n y o u a l w a y s l o o k n i c e a t weddings!' S h e smiles at h i m . ' H o w ' s H a m i s h ? ' h e asks. ' O h , h e ' s f i n e — I t h i n k , ' s h e says. ' Y o u t h i n k ? ' asks C h a r l e s , s u r p r i s e d . ' W h a t d o y o u m e a n ? ' ' H e w a s n ' t t h e r i g h t m a n f o r m e a f t e r all,' s h e says. ' Y o u ' v e left h i m ? ' ' W e l e f t e a c h o t h e r , ' s h e tells h i m . S h e l o o k s q u i t e w e a k , a n d C h a r l e s leads h e r to a q u i e t p l a c e at t h e side of t h e c h u r c h w h e r e t h e y c a n talk. ' W h e n d i d t h i s h a p p e n ? ' h e asks h e r . ' O h , a f e w m o n t h s ago. M a r c h w a s hell. B u t b y A p r i l , w e ' d m a d e all t h e d e c i s i o n s a n d i t w a s O K . I w o n ' t m a r r y s o m e o n e s o old again!' S h e tries to t u r n it i n t o a j o k e , b u t o b v i o u s l y she is n o t very happy. ' C h a r l i e ! ' calls M a t t h e w . ' T i m e t o g o ! ' ' Y e s , y e s — I ' m c o m i n g , ' says C h a r l e s , n o t r e a l l y l i s t e n i n g t o h i m . ' B u t w h y didn't y o u ring m e up?' ' W e l l , I t h o u g h t a b o u t it,' C a r r i e replies-, ' a n d I w a n t e d t o — b u t
60
t h i n g s w e r e s o d i f f i c u l t t h e n . Y o u ' d b e t t e r g o n o w . I'll s e e y o u later.' ' I ' l l s h o w y o u t o y o u r seat,' C h a r l e s says. ' W e j u s t d i d n ' t g e t i t right, did w e ? If only w e ' d b e e n together at the right time . . . ' ' Y e s , w e g o t i t w r o n g , ' C a r r i e says sadly. ' T e r r i b l e . A w f u l , ' says
Charles, and he
m e a n s i t . ' B u t it's s o
l o v e l y to see y o u ! ' ' W e l l , g o o d l u c k , ' says C a r r i e finally. 'It's v e r y easy, y o u k n o w , g e t t i n g m a r r i e d . Y o u j u s t say, " I d o " w h e n e v e r a n y o n e asks y o u a question.' ' W e ' d b e t t e r g o t o t h e f r o n t , ' M a t t h e w tells C h a r l e s . ' C a n y o u g i v e m e a m o m e n t , M a t t h e w ? ' C h a r l e s asks h i m . ' O f c o u r s e , ' says M a t t h e w , w h o t h i n k s t h a t C h a r l e s w a n t s t o g o to the toilet.
B u t C h a r l e s i s n o l o n g e r i n t h e r i g h t m o o d f o r his w e d d i n g . H e g o e s i n t o a n e m p t y side r o o m a n d says, ' D e a r G o d , p l e a s e f o r g i v e m e f o r w h a t I a m g o i n g t o say i n y o u r c h u r c h - D a m n ! D a m n ! D a m n and hell!' ' C a n I h e l p y o u ? ' asks a s y m p a t h e t i c v o i c e . A p r i e s t s t e p s o u t from behind a curtain in the same r o o m , w h e r e he was washing his h a n d s . I t s e e m s that the r o o m w a s n o t e m p t y . ' O h — n o , t h a n k s ! ' says C h a r l e s , e m b a r r a s s e d . ' I w a s d o i n g s o m e exercises - y o u k n o w , for my v o i c e . T h i s is a b i g church!' ' E x c e l l e n t , I o f t e n do the s a m e m y s e l f - I use rather different w o r d s , o f c o u r s e . I'll l e a v e y o u a l o n e n o w . ' C h a r l e s still c a n n o t c o m e b a c k o u t i n t o t h e c h u r c h , a n d T o m a n d M a t t h e w are g e t t i n g w o r r i e d . ' T h e b r i d e ' s a r r i v i n g n o w , ' says M a t t h e w . A l a r g e b l a c k c a r h a s d r i v e n u p t o t h e c h u r c h a n d H e n r i e t t a gets o u t w i t h h e r father. S h e is dressed finely for the w e d d i n g , in w h i t e , w i t h flowers in h e r hair. ' W e l l , that's g r e a t , ' says T o m . ' B e c a u s e w e ' v e l o s t t h e g r o o m . '
61
' T r y t o k e e p h e r o u t s i d e f o r a b i t , ' says M a t t h e w . ' I ' l l g o a n d l o o k for Charles.' ' M a t t h e w ! ' says C h a r l e s b r i g h t l y w h e n h e s e e s h i s b e s t m a n . He is v e r y unhappy. ' G o o d to see y o u ! Tell me — w h a t do y o u think about marriage?' ' W e l l — ' says M a t t h e w , u n c e r t a i n h o w t o a n s w e r this. ' I t h i n k t h a t it's r e a l l y g o o d , i f y o u l o v e t h e o t h e r p e r s o n w i t h all y o u r h e a r t . ' ' E x a c t l y , ' says C h a r l e s . ' B u t I ' v e b e e n t o s o m a n y w e d d i n g s , a n d n o w it's m y o w n w e d d i n g d a y — a n d I ' m still t h i n k i n g . ' ' W h a t are y o u t h i n k i n g a b o u t ? C a n I ask?' ' N o , n o - b e t t e r n o t , ' says C h a r l e s . T o m is n o w standing at the church door, talking to Henrietta a n d h e r father. ' I ' m t e r r i b l y sorry,' h e says. ' T h e s e r v i c e w i l l b e a f e w m i n u t e s late. T h e r e ' s a p r o b l e m w i t h the flowers.' ' W i t h t h e f l o w e r s ? ' asks H e n r i e t t a . ' W h a t p r o b l e m ? ' S h e c l e a r l y doesn't w a n t
any problems
on
h e r w e l l - p l a n n e d w e d d i n g day.
H e n r i e t t a g e t s a n n o y e d v e r y easily. ' W e l l , ' says T o m , t h i n k i n g h a r d , ' t h e y are m a k i n g s o m e p e o p l e ill, s o w e h a v e t o m o v e t h e m . ' Henrietta and her father l o o k angry, but they wait at the door. People
in
the
church
w o n d e r i n g what's
are
getting
happening. T h e
restless
bride
now
must
too. They're
have
arrived by
now. W h e r e is the groom? 'I with
t h i n k t h e y b e l i e v e d m e ! ' T o m tells S c a r l e t t . H e i s p l e a s e d himself. 'People
think
I ' m stupid, y o u
see. S o
they don't
realize that I c a n tell a c l e v e r lie!' D a v i d has n o w j o i n e d M a t t h e w a n d C h a r l e s i n t h e side r o o m . C h a r l e s still w o n ' t g o b a c k i n t o t h e c h u r c h . H e i s t o o u n h a p p y and
confused.
David
hits
the
table
to
make
a
noise, so
that
Carrie. She
and
Charles will notice him. ' W h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g ? Tell m e ! ' h e signs. ' O h , God,' Charles
signs
back. 'I just
H a m i s h have separated.'
62
saw
' C h a r l e s , it's y o u r w e d d i n g day,' D a v i d tells h i m . ' W h a t ' s y o u r a d v i c e ? ' C h a r l e s asks. 'Well, y o u can do o n e of three things. N u m b e r one: just get married, as y o u ' v e planned.' Charles nods. ' N u m b e r t w o : y o u c a n g o b a c k a n d say, " S o r r y — n o w e d d i n g today!'" David continues. ' I d o n ' t l i k e t h a t i d e a , ' says C h a r l e s . ' W h a t ' s n u m b e r t h r e e ? ' ' N u m b e r t h r e e - ' s i g n s D a v i d . ' W e l l , I c a n ' t t h i n k w h a t t h a t is.' ' H e l l , ' says C h a r l e s . T h e r e is a k n o c k on the door, and the priest c o m e s in. ' H e l l o , ' h e says, s m i l i n g . ' A r e y o u r e a d y t o m e e t t h e e n e m y ? ' ' A r e w e ? ' asks M a t t h e w . It's n o t r e a l l y a j o k e a t all. E v e r y o n e looks at Charles. ' Y e s , ' says C h a r l e s . ' E x c e l l e n t . '
H e tries n o t t o l o o k a t C a r r i e a s h e w a l k s t o t h e front o f t h e c h u r c h a n d sits d o w n . T h e w e d d i n g m u s i c starts, a n d C h a r l e s a n d M a t t h e w stand u p
together. T h e
doors
Henrietta, proud and beautiful, walks
at the back
d o w n the
open, and
aisle w i t h h e r
father. S h e pulls a t h e r father's a r m . S h e i s a n n o y e d w i t h h i m . ' D o n ' t h o l d m e s o tightly, D a d , ' she w h i s p e r s angrily. The
priest begins
to
read aloud
the
words
of the w e d d i n g
service. A s C h a r l e s listens t o t h e priest's w o r d s h e l o o k s c o n f u s e d a n d w o r r i e d . T h e p r i e s t asks w h e t h e r a n y o n e t h i n k s t h a t C h a r l e s and Henrietta should not get married. T h e
question is in the
w e d d i n g s e r v i c e b e c a u s e that i s t h e law. I f e i t h e r t h e b r i d e o r t h e g r o o m i s a l r e a d y m a r r i e d , f o r e x a m p l e , t h e n s o m e o n e m a y say t h a t t h e y are b r e a k i n g t h e l a w . U s u a l l y , o f c o u r s e , n o o n e a n s w e r s the
question.
But
this
time
there
is
k n o c k i n g o n his w o o d e n c h u r c h seat.
63
a
loud
noise.
David
is
' I ' m s o r r y — d o e s s o m e o n e w a n t t o s p e a k ? ' t h e priest asks, v e r y surprised. D a v i d puts u p his h a n d . ' Y e s — w h a t is it?' D a v i d , of course, can't speak aloud, so he b e g i n s to sign to Charles. ' O n e s e c o n d , ' says C h a r l e s , a s h e s i g n s b a c k . ' W h a t ' s g o i n g o n ? ' ' I t h o u g h t o f i d e a n u m b e r t h r e e , ' D a v i d tells h i m . 'What?' ' W i l l y o u translate?' 'Translate w h a t ? ' ' W h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g , C h a r l e s ? ' asks t h e p r i e s t . ' C h a r l e s — what?' a s k s h i s b r i d e . ' H e w a n t s m e t o t r a n s l a t e w h a t h e ' s s a y i n g , ' says C h a r l e s . ' A n d w h a t i s h e s a y i n g ? ' asks t h e p r i e s t . ' H e says: " I s u s p e c t t h a t t h e g r o o m i s h a v i n g d o u b t s . I s u s p e c t that
he
would
groom
like
to
delay
the
wedding.
I
suspect
that
the
...'
' R e a l l y loves a n o t h e r w o m a n , ' signs D a v i d . C h a r l e s d o e s n o t t r a n s l a t e t h i s . 'It's t r u e , i s n ' t i t , C h a r l e s ? T h i n k a b o u t i t , b e c a u s e it's f o r t h e rest o f y o u r l i f e , C h a r l e s . It's f i n a l . S o y o u m u s t o n l y m a r r y t h e p e r s o n w h o y o u l o v e w i t h all y o u r h e a r t . A n d - y o u r t r o u s e r s are u n d o n e ! ' I t i s a k i n d o f j o k e , b u t C h a r l e s l o o k s d o w n a t t h e zip o n his trousers. He is totally confused. ' W h a t ' s h e s a y i n g ? ' asks t h e p r i e s t . 'He
suspects that the
g r o o m loves
another w o m a n , ' answers
Charles. 'And do you? Do you, Charles?' C h a r l e s is silent for a m o m e n t . E v e r y b o d y in the c h u r c h l o o k s s h o c k e d . T h e y a r e all s t a r i n g a t C h a r l e s . H e n r i e t t a i s s t a r i n g a t C h a r l e s t o o . S h e can't b e l i e v e this i s h a p p e n i n g . 'I do,' he replies, in the w o r d s of the w e d d i n g service.
64
Suddenly, Henrietta screams. She throws d o w n her flowers and hits C h a r l e s h a r d i n t h e e y e . H e falls o v e r , a n d s h e h i t s a n d k i c k s h i m a g a i n . S h e has r e a l l y l o s t h e r t e m p e r t h i s t i m e ! S h e i s v e r y , v e r y angry, a n d m a y b e a little c r a z y t o o . S o m e p e o p l e r u s h t o t h e front o f the
church to
help
Henrietta attacking him. T h e
Charles. O t h e r people situation
gets v e r y
try to
stop
confused. T h e
w e d d i n g is certainly not g o i n g to happen today!
B a c k i n C h a r l e s ' s k i t c h e n l a t e r t h a t a f t e r n o o n , e v e r y o n e i s still s h o c k e d . O u t s i d e i t i s p o u r i n g w i t h rain a n d t h e t h u n d e r crashes i n t h e sky. 'My
G o d ! ' says
Scarlett. F o r
once, she
doesn't
really
know
w h a t t o say. ' W e l l , ' says T o m , t r y i n g t o b e h e l p f u l . ' A t l e a s t w e w o n ' t f o r g e t this w e d d i n g ! I m e a n , a l o t o f w e d d i n g s are t h e s a m e , aren't t h e y ? A f t e r w a r d s , y o u c a n ' t r e m e m b e r t h e m a t all. B u t t h i s o n e w a s really different!' ' Y e s - i t d i d n ' t h a v e a w e d d i n g s e r v i c e , ' says M a t t h e w , i n a d r y voice. C h a r l e s d o e s n ' t say a n y t h i n g . H e has a b l a c k e y e . ' P o o r g i r l , ' says F i o n a . ' N o , I r e a l l y m e a n i t — p o o r g i r l ! O K , she's n o t m y f a v o u r i t e p e r s o n i n t h e w o r l d . B u t y o u ' v e d o n e a t e r r i b l e t h i n g , C h a r l e s — I t h i n k it's q u i t e u n f o r g i v a b l e . ' C h a r l e s i s s h o c k e d t o o . H e can't q u i t e b e l i e v e that h e d i d this. ' P o o r H e n , ' h e sa y s , ' I d o n ' t e v e n w a n t t o t h i n k a b o u t i t , it's s o awful.' ' B u t i f y o u w e r e n ' t sure that y o u w a n t e d t o m a r r y h e r o n y o u r w e d d i n g day, t h e n i t w a s p r o b a b l y t h e r i g h t d e c i s i o n , w a s n ' t i t ? ' T o m asks. Usually, Fiona is
rude
about
e v e r y t h i n g that T o m says. B u t
n o w s h e s i m p l y says, ' Y o u ' r e r i g h t , T o m , ' a n d t o u c h e s his c h e e k lovingly.
65
'It's a l o v e l y d r e s s , ' says S c a r l e t t . ' I ' m s u r e i t ' l l b e u s e f u l f o r parties!' ' I b l a m e m y s e l f signs D a v i d . ' W h a t d i d h e s a y ? ' asks M a t t h e w . ' H e says t h a t h e b l a m e s h i m s e l f , ' C h a r l e s t r a n s l a t e s . ' N o ! ' shouts
everyone
together. ' N o , y o u
mustn't
do
that,
David!' ' Y e s , t h e y b l a m e y o u t o o ! ' C h a r l e s u n k i n d l y tells h i s b r o t h e r . T h e d o o r b e l l rings, and e v e r y o n e gets up. ' N o , ' says C h a r l e s . ' I ' l l a n s w e r it. I f t h e r e ' s a p r o b l e m , it's m y problem.' B u t it's C a r r i e a t t h e d o o r . It's p o u r i n g w i t h r a i n , a n d she's very wet. ' H e l l o , ' s h e says. ' H i ! G o d , y o u ' r e w e t ! ' says C h a r l e s . ' C o m e i n ! ' ' N o , n o , I ' m fine,' she replies. ' I ' m so w e t that I can't get any w e t t e r . D o y o u k n o w w h a t I m e a n ? ' S h e s m i l e s a t h i m , b u t she's also v e r y s e r i o u s . ' O K — t h e n I'll c o m e o u t , ' C h a r l e s says. ' N o , p l e a s e d o n ' t ! ' says C a r r i e . ' I j u s t w a n t e d t o s e e i f y o u w e r e all r i g h t . I w a n t e d t o m a k e s u r e t h a t y o u w e r e n ' t k i l l i n g y o u r s e l f or anything.' B u t C h a r l e s steps o u t a n d j o i n s h e r i n t h e rain. T h e y stand together
on
the
pavement,
and
after
a
few
seconds,
he
is
completely w e t too. 'It w a s w r o n g o f m e t o c o m e t o t h e c h u r c h this m o r n i n g — I ' m s o r r y . I c a n s e e t h a t y o u ' r e O K , s o I'd b e t t e r g o n o w ' ' N o — w a i t - I ' m t o b l a m e , n o t y o u , ' says C h a r l e s . ' I b e h a v e d really b a d l y today. B u t I ' m sure a b o u t o n e t h i n g n o w — m a r r i a g e i s n o t r i g h t f o r m e a t all. A n d I l e a r n t a n o t h e r t h i n g . W h e n I w a s s t a n d i n g there
in
the
church, I
realized for the first t i m e
that
I
totally,
c o m p l e t e l y l o v e o n e p e r s o n , w i t h all m y h e a r t . A n d t h a t p e r s o n w a s n ' t m y b r i d e . It's t h e p e r s o n w h o ' s h e r e w i t h m e n o w , i n t h e rain.'
66
'Is i t still r a i n i n g ? ' asks C a r r i e . ' I d i d n ' t n o t i c e . ' ' I n f a c t , I ' v e l o v e d y o u s i n c e t h e first m i n u t e I s a w y o u . Y o u ' r e n o t s u d d e n l y g o i n g a w a y a g a i n , a r e y o u ? ' h e asks i n a l a r m . ' N o , I m i g h t b e w a s h e d a w a y b y the rain, b u t I ' m n o t g o i n g a w a y again.' ' O K , O K , w e ' l l g o b a c k i n , ' says C h a r l e s . ' B u t first, c a n I ask y o u one thing? Do y o u think — do y o u
think that y o u could
a g r e e not t o m a r r y m e ? A f t e r w e ' v e g o t d r y a g a i n , o f c o u r s e . A n d after w e ' v e s p e n t lots
of time
t o g e t h e r . D o y o u t h i n k that y o u
c o u l d a g r e e not t o b e m a r r i e d t o m e , f o r t h e rest o f y o u r l i f e ? ' C a r r i e l o o k s at h i m , her eyes v e r y serious now. ' D o y o u ? ' h e asks h e r . 'I do,' she answers, in t h e w o r d s of t h e w e d d i n g service. T h e y kiss — a n d a b o v e , i n t h e s t o r m y s k i e s o f L o n d o n , t h e r e i s t h u n d e r a n d lightning for Charles too.
67
A n d h o w does the future go? Well, if we m o v e forwards in time a n d take s o m e m o r e p h o t o s , w e see s o m e t h i n g like this: A p i c t u r e o f H e n r i e t t a a t her w e d d i n g . S h e ' s f o r g o t t e n all a b o u t C h a r l e s n o w ; she's m a r r y i n g a h a n d s o m e soldier. H e ' s w e a r i n g a u n i f o r m w i t h a r e d j a c k e t , a n d she's l a u g h i n g a s t h e y l e a v e t h e church. And
here's
a
picture
of Charles's
brother
David,
marrying
Serena. T h e y b o t h l o o k very sweet — a g o o d couple! W h a t a b o u t S c a r l e t t ? Y e s , h e r e ' s a p i c t u r e o f h e r — she's g e t t i n g m a r r i e d t o C h e s t e r , h e r b i g A m e r i c a n . She's w e a r i n g s o m e t h i n g different, as usual — a w h i t e c o w - g i r l hat. There's
a
picture
of T o m
and
Deirdre
too,
taken
at
their
w e d d i n g reception. They're outside Tom's e n o r m o u s house. Tom's black d o g is in the p h o t o too, and Deirdre is w e a r i n g the 'country g i r l ' w e d d i n g dress that C a r r i e refused t o buy. Here's
one
of Matthew, looking
happy
again. He's
found
a
n e w b o y f r i e n d . He's y o u n g e r than G a r e t h — a b o u t the same age a s M a t t h e w . T h e y ' r e a t a p a r t y t o g e t h e r . It's g o o d t h a t M a t t h e w c a n l e a v e all h i s o l d s a d n e s s b e h i n d . And
Fiona? W h o ' s
she
with? Well,
it
seems
to
be
Prince
C h a r l e s ! T h e y ' r e n o t e x a c t l y m a r r i e d y e t , b u t she's o u t w i t h h i m in
public.
He
looks
serious,
as
usual,
but
she's
wearing
an
e n o r m o u s p i n k hat a n d has g o t a b i g smile o n h e r face. C h a r l e s a n d C a r r i e ar e still n o t m a r r i e d . A t l e a s t , t h e r e are n o w e d d i n g p h o t o s , so they can't have g o t married. T h e y must have k e p t t h e i r p r o m i s e . B u t t h e y do h a v e a b a b y — a l o v e l y little boy. In o u r p h o t o , Charles is pointing at the camera and C a r r i e is s m i l i n g . W e c a n see that they're v e r y h a p p y t o g e t h e r , a n d that they're g e t t i n g o n fine w i t h o u t the s o u n d o f w e d d i n g bells!