How to Juggle Women: Without Getting Killed or Going Broke

How to Juggle Women Without Getting Killed or Going Broke

How to Juggle Women Without Getting Killed or Going Broke

Stefan Feller

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, scanning or any information storage retrieval system, without explicit permission in writing from the Author. This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locals or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. © Copyright 1998 by Stefan Feller First e-reads publication 1999 www.e-reads.com ISBN 0-7592-1993-1

For my mother. Don’t worry, I know being drunk and single is no way to go through life.

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Introduction

Introduction

I

am a fickle person who loves women. I have, therefore, never been satisfied seeing one female at a time. I have always tried to juggle women. My first experience as a novice juggler was when I attempted to date two girls in high school. One was a sophomore at my high school while the other lived in a nearby town. Dating two girls from different towns is usually pretty safe when you are in high school, especially if they are not old enough to drive. They might as well live on opposite coasts. My initial success was short-lived, however, because of an innocent phone call from the girl at my school to her cousin, who happened to be with her next-door neighbor. The conversation revealed that her cousin’s neighbor was also dating someone named Stefan. Coincidence? Unfortunately, it was not. I was busted. Both girls called and broke up with me within 15 minutes. That humiliation propelled me to unravel the mystery of juggling women. I had other similar experiences, all with the same results. Women always uncovered my trickery. Their reactions, however, have varied. Women have smacked me, yelled at me, cried to me, and even poured beer on me when they became aware of my games. Did I learn my lesson? Of course not. But I did change my approach to dating. Instead of trying to maintain two or three serious relationships, I started to date casually, seeing two or more women at a time. Rather than profess my undying love for one woman, I began to date

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several women professing only an interest in going out to dinner. I could finally go out with women in daylight without wearing dark sunglasses. I no longer had to lie, cheat, and sneak around trying to keep everyone happy and unaware of each other’s existence. I was keeping things casual—no promises, no expectations, and no more beer on my head. A juggler cannot expect to have a serious relationship with any of the women in his life. Doing so would not be fair to them or you. The only way you can effectively juggle women is to maintain casual relationships that do not carry any strings or unreal expectations. That is, however, easier said than done. When you start to date a woman you are really trying to feel her out . . . not literally, of course. The first few dates are informal, yet revealing, because you are analyzing the type of person she is. You can often decide pretty quickly if you want see her again. If you are out with a woman and keep looking at your watch instead of listening to what she is saying, you are either wondering if you can get home before SportsCenter or pondering why you were there in the first place. This means you are either married to her or out on a bad first date. If it is a first date, you probably will not see her again. After the first or second date, you may realize that you cannot stand the person, or that she is just not your type. Whatever the reason, you can walk away without negative ramifications—nothing gained, nothing lost. However, if there is mutual interest, then you will continue to date her. While it is still casual, there is hope for something more. Uncertainty looms until both parties define the nature of the budding relationship. A casual relationship lasts as long as it remains just that . . . casual. A commitment changes everything. It evokes certain expectations of sacrifice and openness. As a guy, you want to avoid all of this. Relationships remain in limbo until the future is discussed. No one can expect too much until that line has been crossed. Mutual interest and respect are the only expectations. Exploiting this gray area is the recipe for juggling women. Things seem to move forward but with no apparent direction. Take advantage of this uncertainty. Although some assumptions may be made, nothing concrete has been established. She may think that the two of you are an item, but there has been no promise of exclusivity. Neither can anyone demand fidelity because there has been no discussion about commitment. Casual relationships can last indefinitely until someone wants something more. They usually, however, do not last more than three months because women tend to inquire about your intentions and the relationship’s direction. The reason for this is that they have to justify the casual sex. Some women are content, though, to keep things “status quo” longer than others. Let’s face it, though, most women are not stupid. They know that you are probably

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Introduction

trying to “boink” anyone who catches your eye. So sooner or later, your free ride will end. What is the advantage of juggling women? Well, instead of dating one woman, whom you know you will eventually lose interest in, you are able to date two or more women and stay interested longer. Is this wrong or immoral? Of course not. What you are really doing is cutting through the jungle to find your Jane, and having some fun and frolic along the way. I am not trying to show you how to have three serious relationships at the same time, where you would eventually hurt all of them. I am not teaching you how to cheat on your spouse or your girlfriend. Neither am I showing you how to have sex with many women at the same time. Perhaps this book can be misconstrued to accomplish all of this, but that is not my intention. I desire to show you how to organize the many women in your life, or more concisely, how to juggle. The definition of the verb “juggle” is to keep several objects in motion at the same time without dropping them. In this case, the objects that you are juggling are women and you just have to make sure that you do not drop any on their heads. My approach to dating is quite practical. Everyone is extremely busy trying to accomplish more and more within a shorter amount of time. We work hard and play hard. We need, therefore, to be efficient with our time. Dating one woman is no longer practical. Dating two or three women simultaneously makes more sense for today’s man on the go. We live in age where we meet so many different people. Our society no longer resembles Little House on the Prairie. We live closer than five miles to our neighbors. We meet people at places other than church. There are more than one hundred people in your town (well, unless you live in Wyoming). Today’s society is dating-friendly. Traveling is faster and cheaper than ever. Places to meet people have tremendously increased. It is possible to meet individuals from all over the world through the internet. This all means that there are more single people now than ever before. So why should we limit ourselves to one person, when there are so many women accessible to us? Technology has made many of our daily tasks easier. Videoconferencing, voice mail, pagers, palm pilots and cellular phones have made our lives more convenient. The same technology can also be used to help you date several women at one time. Since your schedule is so hectic, dating more than one woman can be efficient. You can spend the same amount of the time dating three women that would have been spent on one. Whether you are looking to date a lot of women because you are insecure, afraid of being alone, or want to find the perfect mate, then dating multiple women is the answer, and this book will show how to do it.

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You may justifiably be wondering what qualifications I have to write this book. I am not a psychologist. I do not have a Ph.D. in interpersonal relationships. I am not a celebrity who has slept with thousands of women. Neither am I someone who can use his wealth to entice women. I do not even have the benefit of having Paul Newman looks. In fact, I do not even have Paulie Shore looks, but that is exactly the point. Without the benefit of any of the above, I have been able to date two, three, and even four women at one time. You do not need to be rich, famous, or an expert on the opposite sex to date multiple women. You merely need to be in command of yourself and your surroundings. Use this book as your personal guide, because it will help in a number of different areas. It will prompt you to do some self-analysis. Knowing yourself is essential in attracting women. Emphasize your strengths and downplay your weaknesses. The book will list the categories of women and show you how to approach them. Knowing what type of women you are dealing with when you try to pick them up is essential. Certain come-ons will work with certain types of women. Not all women will find the same things attractive, so you need to know what works when and with whom. The next step is finding these women. There are many places to interact with the opposite sex besides your local pub, although that can be an excellent location to find a mate. Once you know who you are, what type of woman you are looking for, and where to look for them, you can begin organizing your own rotation. You will learn about the different roles of women within your rotation. You will also discover how careful scheduling and planning will enable you to see two, three, or even four women on a regular basis without having two of them show up at your door simultaneously. Through small gifts, phone calls, and general attentiveness you will be able to make each woman believe that she is your priority. Dating two or more women can definitely be a financial strain, so it is essential to know how to keep them happy without appearing cheap. You will learn the art of creative dating—dates which are both unique and easy on your wallet. As I have already stated, the relationships I am discussing are casual and, therefore, are not going to be long-term. There will come a time when you know one of the women you have been seeing needs to be cut out of the rotation. If she is asking you for a more serious commitment and you know she is not “the one,” then it is probably the time to put her on waivers. The book will show how to make these cuts, pick up free agents, and scout other talent. You will also learn how to protect the women in your rotation from outside interference, including your scheming friends.

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Table Of Contents Introduction Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Summary Appendix

Getting to Know You Categories of Women Where to Find Them The Rotation Prior Planning How to Keep Them Happy How to Keep Them Apart Fiscally Fit Personnel Changes

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Getting to Know You

T

he first key to successfully juggling women is understanding who you are. The other key is becoming comfortable with yourself. Basketball players must know their best position before taking the court. A slow seven-footer will not be very successful at point-guard. The same lesson applies in life. If you are twenty-something, do not have a lot of money, and work as a newspaper reporter, you are not going to be very successful at telling dates you are a rich corporate raider, and taking them to the Four Seasons. However, the newspaper reporter I described can be very successful, as long as he understands who he is. Self-confidence is absolutely essential. It can often be more attractive than wealth or career. There are millions of single women out there and not all of them like the same type of person. Just be yourself. In addition to knowing what your strengths are, you also need to recognize your weaknesses. If that twenty-something reporter understands this, he can walk into the Four Seasons and pick up the woman with the man who is feeding her lies. No one is perfect. You must work on your shortcomings to minimize their impact on your life. A key is not to act like you are the perfect male specimen. The first step is to find a mirror, take a long hard look, and ask, “Who am I? What am I all about?” A confrontation like this is not always easy (so don’t do it

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early in the morning), but you may learn a lot about yourself. It is essential that you know what makes you tick in order to capitalize on what you have to offer the opposite sex. Before you confront yourself, however, you must understand that being a man has inherent implications. Generally, we want to be dominant, as men are always the hunters. We are also more primal in our needs and wants. These basic urges range from sex to cars and even sex in cars. For some reason, women have more control over these urges and often do not share our indulgences. Keep this in mind when you interact with the opposite sex. As much as women may like sex and cars, most will not be impressed by your obsession with either. If you find one who is, stop reading this book and ask her to marry you. Men also tend to be slightly more competitive than women, although this is changing thanks to increased opportunities in schools, work, and athletics. We still hold the edge in this area, which is why you find us playing in thir-

ty-and-over basketball and in softball leagues and meeting the guys for poker at every available opportunity. Competition among women, however, is often more subtle and dangerous. Most men recognize their macho traits, which are generally good to have. You just have to realize that women are inherently different and do not share these testosteronesque qualities. We do not always realize how different they are and often shove our manliness in women’s faces. No, not literally, although I am sure this happens too. What we need to do is tone down our “macho meter” when we pursue females. They know you are a man. It is their job to find out how much of a one you really are.

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As far as women are concerned, I will not even try to explain why they are the way they are. They may be from a different planet but it is not just Venus, it is Mercury, Jupiter, Saturn, and all the other planets in our system, as well as some other galaxies, some of which are so far away we have not even discovered them yet. If you really want to understand women, the best way is to read the magazines they read: Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, Vogue, and other insightful publications. Another way to get an inside look is to peruse for books about women in the sex section at any bookstore. Eventually, you will become about as confused as they are. Personality traits like aggressiveness, sensitivity, anger, stubbornness, and kindness contribute to your behavior as a whole. I am not suggesting that you go to a shrink. I do think it is useful to try and understand which behavioral patterns have the strongest effect on your daily life. You may be an overly aggressive person, which in some situations might be beneficial. If you apply your aggressiveness effectively at your job, it will probably pay some handsome dividends, unless you are a cop in South Central Los Angeles, in which case it might cause you some irreversible harm. Recognize your aggressive behavior and use it to your advantage in dating. Aggressiveness in the dating scene can either work in your favor or backfire in your face. Your persistence can be flattering when pursuing a woman, but there is a fine line. If you call her every day without any response, you should probably pull back the reins before you make a fool of yourself (i.e., see George Costanza or Swingers). Keep your aggressiveness in check. There is a time and place to put on a full-court press, but be careful. Once you have become familiar with who you are, the next area to work on is your appearance. It is time to stare in that mirror and ponder what kind of look you have going. Take into account the physical characteristics that you cannot change. Are you tall, short, balding? Do you have dark hair, dark skin? Do you have blue or green eyes? Millions of single women are out there, so there is a market for whatever look you have. It really does not matter if you are tall, dark, and handsome, or short, light, and not so handsome. Okay, it matters, but not as much as you think. Shirley Manson, the attractive female lead singer of the band Garbage, once said that her ideal man was John Goodman. So, it is not so much what you look like, but how you make that look work for you. Some physical characteristics can and should be altered if you are unhappy with them. If you are overweight and happy with your extra baggage, then fine, you can work with it. But if those extra pounds diminish your confidence and self-esteem, then you must either learn how to live with them or you have to shed them. Women will more likely be attracted to a confident overweight person with a good personality, than an insecure slim person with no person-

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ality. I know that losing weight sounds a lot easier than it actually is, but if being overweight is causing you stress and unhappiness, then you have to make the effort. Men seem to be more content about their weight anyway. Let’s face it, how many men will you find running to the bathroom after gorging themselves on a seven-course meal only to lose it to the porcelain gods?

Whether it is thinning hair, extra pounds, or even that your small friend below is . . . well, small, you do not have to look like Antonio Banderas or be hung like Johnny Holmes to date a lot of women. Many women are turned off by men whose muscles look as if they are on the outside of their bodies. The key is self-confidence, and if you find aspects of your physical appearance limiting, then you have to ask yourself, “Is this something that is holding me back?” If the answer is yes, then deal with it, either by eliminating the problem or learning how to live with it. Merge your physical characteristics with your wardrobe. You are probably saying, “Why do I need to know what to wear? Isn’t that what women are concerned with?” That may be true. However, if women are concerned with what they are wearing, you can bet they are checking you out to see if you are still wearing a Members Only jacket, circa 1986, with pink Converse high tops. And unless you find someone who wants to be your mother and dress you every day, start knowing something about the clothes you put on your body. You probably do not have time be concerned with clothes and fashion when you are already obsessing over sex and cars. You do not, though, have to become Calvin Klein to have fashion sense. Find clothes that accent your physical appearance, as well as your age and stature. You do not have to look like someone out of GQ, but you might want to read it to receive some fashion advice. Visit a men’s clothing store where you feel comfortable asking someone to help you find a new look. Take along a female friend whose advice you can trust (if she dresses like Cyndi Lauper, leave her at home). If you have a little money to spend, hire a fashion consultant. They will go through your closet and discard anything that does not work for you and then will take you shopping for a whole new wardrobe. Drastic? Yes, but if your wardrobe has not changed since the Reagan era, it may be necessary.

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Another consideration is the venue where you will be wearing your new attire. Dress appropriately for the occasion. Obviously, you are not going to wear your best suit when going to a watch a baseball game, because in some situations, it is actually better to dress down. Showing up at the local pub with the softball team in your grass-stained uniform after a game may actually work in your favor. Having that two-day scruff on your face can also be appealing. You want to look natural in any setting. The goal is to look like you care about your appearance while not giving the impression that you ever even gave it a thought. If you look like you care too much, you might be perceived as self-absorbed. Most men are anyway, but you do not want to make this too obvious. Now that you look and feel good, you may be wondering, what the hell is this going to do for me? Good question. The answer is quite simple. However vain it may seem, your looks will be the first thing that is judged by the opposite sex. Yes, those damn first impressions. Before you even open your mouth, you have already been assessed, evaluated, and critiqued. You feel pretty cheap, don’t you? Well, get used to it. I know, you thought men were the ones who were supposed to make women feel like a piece of art at an auction, but that is not always the case. Women are just subtle about it. The importance attached to looks and appearance will vary depending on the female’s personality. Women know that most men do not have a clue about how to dress, so many are very forgiving. Some will actually bypass judgment on your looks and attire. If your personality can make up for your lack of attire and grooming skills, then you should be okay, but why not take advantage of an opportunity? Having your looks in order and a little fashion sense will give you a huge advantage over men who completely ignore their appearance. Remember, though, that looks will only get you so far. That is, unless you are Antonio Sabato Jr., and then your looks can get you into Calvin Klein underwear ads on tall buildings in New York. Nevertheless, now that you look suave and debonair, or at least showered and in a clean shirt, you can open your mouth and say something intelligent to that beauty across the bar. You cannot command a woman’s attention unless you talk to her, which is sometimes difficult. Some of us are understandably uncomfortable approaching women and starting conversations. It can be very intimidating. The fear of rejection looms in your mind. The woman you approach may chew you up and spit you out, or she could make you feel six inches tall. But you never know unless you try, and the results are often not as bad as you think. If she is not interested, so what? There are millions of women out there, and you know that you are a likable guy, so you just keep trying.

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Besides being intimidated, you may just feel awkward going up to a total stranger and start gabbing away. You could do it, however, if you had to walk up to a man. You would just start talking about sports or women. But the same formula does not work with females. If you do not believe me, walk up to any woman and say, “What do you think of that blonde over there with the huge breasts?” or give her a high five and ask, “What did you think of the Knicks’ game?” Unless she is a lesbian or a huge sports freak, I do not think you would get a very positive response. Men and women have different conversational patterns and they discuss different subjects. Concentrate on the safe areas of interest that overlap. We often disregard this, and talk to women in our normal conversational mode. This is bad. The following example shows us why. I was recently at a baseball game with three female friends. Between innings, we all went to the smoking area to enjoy a rich, hearty tobacco blend. Two men approached us. Apparently, they had seen my female friends earlier and had tried to get their attention. Here is what happened next. Guy 1: “Hey, we were the guys waving at you from the beer line.” Female 1: “Oh, really? What’s going on?” Guy 1: “Nothing. Where are you guys from? Connecticut?” Female 2: “No, we live in Manhattan.” Guy 1: “Really? My friend here manages a bar out in Fire Island. It’s a really great bar. You guys should come out there sometime.” (He introduces his friend and himself.) Guy 1: (turns to Female 1) “What is that, a cigar you’re smoking?” Female 1: “No, it’s not a cigar. It’s a clove cigarette. It’s more natural than a regular cigarette and it doesn’t have any nicotine.” Guy 1: “Natural, my balls are natural. It’s a fucking cigarette.” I will spare you the rest of the conversation, but as you can imagine, it ended rather quickly. This may be an extreme example, but I just wanted to illustrate my point. This guy had no regard that he was in the presence of three females when he blatantly discussed his genitals. And even though they were at a baseball game and not a Broadway show, using expletives when you first meet someone does not help either. Stick to “gender- neutral” conversa-

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tion. Men and women have a lot of common ground, so use it. Sports talk is okay if she reveals that she has some knowledge and interest. If you are still confused, here is a short list of topics to avoid when you first meet a woman: Flatulence Pornography Guns Abortion Date rape Your genitals Her genitals The murder you got away with Your bowel movements Her bowel movements Any bodily function Using pick-up lines to break the ice is not a bad idea, but you have to be careful. Stay away from ones that are offensive or too complicated to figure out. Recommended lines should be funny and can even be cheesy, as long as they know that you are just making an effort to start a conversation. Stop after you have used one or two. If they did not work, move on or move out. You do not want to turn your conversation into a failed comedy routine. If you are not creative enough to come up with your own lines, there are resources to find some pretty witty ones. The Internet has sites that list pick-up lines. Romance 101—www.rom101.com—and Humor, Inc.— www.humorinc.com—both have large selections. You also find books devoted to the art, including 1,001 Pick-Up Lines; Baby, All Those Curves and Me with No Brakes; and 500 New, No-Fail Pick-Up Lines for Men and Women. The best approach is to be natural when talking to women. Try not to be too eager and do not rely on a lot of props. The best approach is often to simply go up and introduce yourself. If you have enough self-confidence, then all you need is an opening to say, “Hello.” Many women dislike men who try to impress them with their wallets or success. Believe me, if you flash your money around enough, some women will flock to you, but you will end up broke. Then see how many of those women stick around. So, put that roll of singles away. If you are successful, then there is no reason to shamelessly call attention to it. She should figure it out on her own. Let her ask you some questions and she will find out all she needs to know. Since you are supposed to be interested in her, you should be the interrogator. No matter how shallow you are, you should at least attempt to feign

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interest. Listen to what she is saying, instead of contemplating the next brilliant thing you are about to impart. React to what she is saying, to further show that you really are paying attention. However, try not to be too controversial. If she is discussing her work at an abortion clinic, hold off on your pro-life tirade. Obviously, you have some differences, but you can make your respective opinions without being confrontational.

Unless you are dating fourteen-year-olds, you should have a lot to talk about: career, hobbies, interests, education, etc. I would suggest that at least initially there are some subjects you should avoid discussing. You want to be yourself, but it is unwise to bring up the time your mother caught you masturbating. Embarrassing experiences are taboo until much later in a relationship. Anything controversial could easily lead to an argument and impede any progress, so avoid discussions about gun control, capital punishment, and Jesse Helms. Emotional subjects should also be avoided. These include abortion, religion, sexual harassment, sexual discrimination, past relationships, etc. She may have had a negative experience with one of these issues and will probably express strong feelings about them. You will know if you have invoked one of those topics if she starts crying or slugs you in the stomach. Even if she asks for your viewpoint on some these issues, tread carefully. You do not have to lie, but be sensitive and remember these very basic tenets: date rape is bad, pro-choice is the only choice, and hiring a woman based on her chest size is unacceptable. Merge your rap with your personality. Do not try to be someone you are not when talking to women. You have already developed a good understanding of yourself, now you can share it with others. Focus on things you have in common and try to sound interesting without appearing full of yourself. As I mentioned earlier, you want her to ask questions about your life. Yes, if you are successful and have traveled all around the world, you want to work that into the conversation, but there are subtle ways of doing that without just coming out and boasting. For example, if she compliments your sweater, you might comment, “Thanks, I bought it when I was traveling in the countryside of Ireland. An elderly woman knitted it herself.”

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I want to stress that you do not have to compensate for your shortcomings. You do not have to be rich, good looking, or highly educated. If you pretend to be one of these things, she will see right through you. Try not to call attention to the fact that you never made it past the sixth grade and your bank account collects more dust than interest. If you have followed the advice given earlier in this chapter, you have made yourself a more complete person and can emphasize your strong points. The following is fictional example. Suppose you are an alcoholic and a garbage collector who never made it past grammar school. How do you initiate a conversation? Here are two possibilities: Example 1 Guy 1: Excuse me, but they may ask you to leave, you’re making all the other women in here look bad. Female 1: (chuckles) That’s pretty funny, what’s your name? Guy 1: Scott. And you are? Female 1: Lisa. It’s nice to meet you, Scott. Guy 1: It’s nice to meet you, too. That’s a great dress you’re wearing. Female 1: Thank you. Guy 1: I was just about to get a drink; can I get you something? Female 1: That would be great, I’ll have a Whiskey Sour. Guy 1: (buys drinks) Here you are. Female 1: What are you drinking there, Scott? Guy 1: Oh, this. This is just a club soda. I don’t like to drink too much; it impairs my judgment. I may have looked right past you otherwise. Female 1: That’s pretty responsible. What do you do, Scott? Guy 1: I’m an efficiency specialist for the city. But enough about me. What’s your story?

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Example 2 Guy 1: Excuse me, I couldn’t help notice you staring at me from across the room. Female 1: I was actually staring at the wall, it looked more interesting than you. Guy 1: That’s pretty funny. My name’s Scott, what’s yours? Female 1: Lisa, nice to meet you, Scott. Guy 1: Listen, my wallet’s feeling a little heavy; can I buy you a drink? Female 1: I guess. I’ll have a Whiskey Sour. Guy 1: No problem. (Buys drinks) Female 1: Thanks. What are you drinking there? Guy 1: Oh, this is a double bourbon and soda. A real man’s drink. Female 1: So, what do you do, Scott? Guy 1: I’m a garbage collector. It pays really well. Quite a difference. The guy in Example 1 relied more on his personality and also downplayed his deficiencies, while the guy in Example 2 emphasized his wallet and his ego. Now to review. Be a little introspective. Look at who you are. Examine what made you this way. Finally, look at your appearance. After you do this, assess what, if anything, you want to change in your life. Now that you feel comfortable with yourself, use your great qualities and personality and meet some women. Remember that they are a different species, so when you are talking to them, cut down on the male lingo. You are ready to move on, but hold back, Tiger, you still have to learn a little about the women who await you.

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Categories of Women

A

fter you get a grip on who you are, you must decide what type of woman you are looking for. Every woman is a different mystery. All of us have different tastes, so you have to decide which qualities are most important to you. You may regard looks more than personality, or you may rate intelligence higher than any other quality. A friend of mine is only attracted to blondes who are 5’9” or taller, but most men seek a balance of the qualities that interests them. Admittedly, it is a daunting task to categorize women. There are, however, some general characteristics that all women possess. Baseball pitchers, likewise, usually cannot be put into one category because they all generally throw the same pitches: fastball, curve ball, sinker, slider, breaking ball, etc. They are usually categorized by the strength of their arsenal. Some are known to have an exceptional fastball or a wicked slider. Women are the same way. They all can be conniving, sneaky, sexy, passionate, sensitive, psycho, and evil. Some women, though, specialize in one or more of these traits. You may attract certain kinds of women or be attracted to certain attributes. Each one, though, is capable of all of the above and more.

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When you first meet a woman, you do not know what she is really like, unless you meet her on a street corner at 3 a.m. Dating is the way you get to know someone. After a couple of dates, you usually have a better sense of what kind of person she is. However, to help you along with this process, I use five simple categories to help you describe the women you encounter: Attainable (Easy), Dateable, Commitment-Only Need Apply, Marrying Kind, and Unattainable. Most women fit in one of these categories. Attainable (EASY) Some men refer to attainable women as “easy.” The reason why they are known as easy is quite simple—they are. There are many kinds of easy women within this category. There are those who we sleep with during the first time we meet them. Other women are selectively easy. They may sleep with you on the first night you meet them or may wait a while before they give in to your sexual advances. Women are easy for a number of different reasons. Some sleep around because they are insecure about themselves and do it as a way to compensate. Others use sex as a weapon of sorts. Some really just like sex, while others tend to just get carried away by the moment. Some women admit that they will sleep with someone who they are attracted to, but do not like enough to consider dating. Although men typically take the same approach, we rarely suspect that women do the same thing. Think again. Though men and women are attracted to more than physical characteristics, our primal urges are sometimes more willing to give in to them than we would normally be. Of course, men are almost always willing to give in to them. We usually take the approach that if we can sleep with a woman, then we will. When we do sleep with a woman very soon after first meeting her, we usually do not consider her to be dating material. We rationalize that if she would sleep with us so quickly, what would stop her from sleeping with someone else just as fast? Yes, this is a double standard, because we would sleep with another woman just as easily. If a woman really likes a man, she will wait to sleep with him until it seems appropriate. The longer she waits to give in, the more likely he is going to hang around. You may respect a woman more for waiting, but after a while, a man will expect sex. Although men do not usually date easy women, they do serve a purpose, especially if she continues to sleep with you without any promise of a relationship. Usually there is little respect between the two, but there is also little expectation. In short, easy women either get exactly what they want or they get taken advantage of. Women who are able to suppress our sexual advances or their own sexual impulses are listed in the next category.

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Dateable Dateable women are those who we are more likely to ask out and begin a casual dating relationship. Most females fall into this category because almost every woman is looking for some sort of companionship. They actively date and are experienced with its nuances. Dateable women are better at making men pursue them. They’re experienced at securing our interest and often a free meal. Dateable women employ a number of tactics to keep us interested. First of all, they do not give it up too easy. Dateable women make you work for sex, to ensure your respect and interest. Of course, the longer the wait, the more impatient we become. A long holdout often indicates that she wants a commitment before sleeping with you. Dateable women know when to give in and how keep you around. Dateable women also try to give the impression that they are more stable and settled in life than their Attainable counterparts. Their actions and demeanor are meant to indicate that they are more normal than other women. They understand that men tend to avoid women who are completely psycho. Sometimes it will only take a few dates before we see their true colors. Experienced women hide their instability better, making it a little harder to discern their manic tendencies. Overall, Dateable women are similar to the men they date in the areas of age, background, professional status, and interests. These common interests make it is easy to spend time with these women. Dating someone who has a similar profession or who went to the same college provides a mutual point of reference. You often encounter women who are going through the same life cycle. You may meet someone at a college reunion whom you never knew while at school, but have a lot in common with now. A work-related conference may precipitate meeting a woman whom you find very attractive and very smart. You are more likely to share the same life goals, dreams, fears, and experiences with these women. Conversely, there are some women in our lives with whom we have absolutely nothing in common. We rarely want to go out with a woman who is like us in every respect. Some females are intriguing because of their uniqueness. They may come from a far-away exotic island, or maybe they interest you because of their fascinating careers. Their differences make them interesting. These women are probably actively dating and, like you, may have a staff of players that they are rotating. Commitment-Only Need Apply Beyond Dateable women are those who require a commitment to go out with them. They will warn you in no uncertain terms what the deal is, so there

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are no surprises. After a few dates, they may declare that some past emotional trauma prevents them from wasting time with someone without a serious commitment. This is your cue to run like hell. These are scorned women who refuse to play the dating game. They would rather take their chances seeing one person at a time and hope that the relationship lasts, rather than date a few men simultaneously with no promise of emotional security. You should be honest with a Commitment-Only woman because she means what she says. Sure, you could tell her that you are only interested in her and then go behind her back and date any woman with at least two limbs. But that would not be honest or fair to her. There is no point in keeping up a charade like that. There are more than enough women who you can date without the promise of a serious commitment. The Marrying Kind A step up from the Commitment-Only woman is the one who wants to walk down the aisle ASAP. Though most women want to eventually tie the knot, these are women whose sole purpose for existing is to snag a husband. The Marrying Kind may try to disguise herself as a Dateable woman, so you have to look for clues about her real intentions. Be afraid if she gives you a survey with questions about your past relationships, your intentions with her, and your salary. Be wary of any questions about the history of disease in your family. Other hints are if she takes you home to meet her mother on the second date, if she mentions the wedding dress that she is making, or she tells you the names she has picked out for the three children that she intends to have . . . soon. Most women in this category will not be this obvious, so you really have to be aware of what is happening around you. The Marrying Kind may be very direct and inform you of their intentions from the start. She may be tired of playing around and is approaching the age where her biological clock is ticking like a time bomb. Her forthright approach will save both of you time and energy.

The Unattainable Unfortunately, there is a class of women with which 99.99 percent of us have no chance. I hate to admit that any woman is out of our grasp, but it does happen. Supermodels are such a species. Besides supermodels, there are women who most guys could not even hope to talk to, including, but not limited to, major celebrities, princesses of foreign countries, and your employer’s wife. However, do not fret. Unattainable women account for a miniscule percentage of the nation’s population. There are other women who fit in the Unattainable category. Generally, they only want men who are either filthy rich, famous, or professional ath-

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letes. If you are one of these types of men, then you are in luck. As I mentioned earlier, you do not need to be rich or famous, but for these women, it sure helps. By the way, the other type of Unattainable women are lesbians. Do not even go there. You can certainly juggle any type of woman described above with varying degrees of success. But what is the profile of the ideal woman to juggle? For your intentions, she is probably in her early to mid-twenties. Most women this age are still experiencing life and do not want to settle down, so they are open to casual dating and not thinking about marrying the next man who walks through the door. She is dedicated to her job, but is not obsessed with work. Women in this stage of their lives are not settled in their career. They are still trying to figure out what they want to do in life. They may be making a good living at their current job, but want to pursue something else. Because they are still finding themselves, they may move around quite a bit. These women will go anywhere they can find opportunity as well as a friendly environment. You can bet she is very active in the social scene. She likes meeting different people, which, therefore, makes her ideal for you.

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3

Where to Find Women

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o start dating the type of woman you want, it helps to know where to find them. Unfortunately, this is not as easy as it sounds, so let’s start with some general guidelines. If you live in Wyoming, move. There are less people in the entire state of Wyoming than there are in Columbus, Ohio. I know moving is a bit drastic, but my point is that you want to increase your chances, so it helps to be in a place that has more women than cattle.

Obviously, highly populated areas are going to have more women, but they are also going to have more men. So if, by chance, you have the luxury of relocating wherever you want, find a city with a higher ratio of women to men. I am sure many of you checked this ratio before finally deciding what

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college to attend. If, however, you attended the University of Northern Idaho instead of the University of Southern California, you may not be aware that having a higher ratio of women to men is advantageous because you are not competing with as many fellow slobs. The truth is, I do not really recommend you moving to find a date, because with your new and improved self you can compete with anybody, anywhere. Remember, though, that more women than men is a always good thing. Even if you cannot control your geographic location, there are still some things you should know about where to find women. Finding females is very similar to baseball scouts looking for talented prospects. They travel all over the world to find talent for their respective team. You are not unlike a baseball scout, except high schools are off limits. Although you are probably not globetrotting, you are going to places where you suspect there may be some talent. However, some men simply do not know where to look. The Public Arena (The Unfamiliar) Just like in baseball, you never know where you might stumble across some talent. You may be on the subway, shopping in the grocery store, strolling in the park, or anywhere in the public domain when you might spot a woman who catches your eye. Approaching women in public places is difficult, however, because many women are wary of random encounters with unfamiliar men. Chance encounters like these are situational in that every one is different and must be approached delicately. For example, you may be on a plane, traveling to a business meeting, and as luck would have it, you end up sitting next to an attractive young woman. Since you are on a plane, your neighbor has nowhere to go. Essentially, she is confined for the entire length of the flight. If you handle yourself properly, however, she will not feel trapped. Take advantage of this opportunity. Starting a conversation in this scenario can be difficult, so beware of approaching a woman in one of these places or any place where she is preoccupied or wants to be alone. Most women in these situations will be caught off guard by any unsolicited advances, so you have to be very careful in your approach. Never surprise women with your presence and try to make yourself as familiar to them as possible. You do not want to come across as some psycho stalker. If you have noticed someone in the grocery store on more than one occasion, do not approach her and say, “I’ve noticed you in here quite a bit.” You might as well be breathing heavy with a big butcher knife at your side. Try this: “You know, I just moved into the neighborhood and I can’t find the pork rinds, would you know where they are?” I know it is a bad icebreaker, but the point is to act casual and not catch her off guard.

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Using a prop in one of these situations may help you create a dialogue. A friend of mine used to bring an extra bagel with him on his daily subway commute. He would sit next to an attractive woman. After he began eating his own bagel, he would offer her his extra one. Some would accept it, others would politely decline. Either way, however, he had the opening to begin a conversation. One of the most popular props is man’s best friend—his dog. Why is he your best friend? No, it is not because he can roll over and play dead or because he fetches whatever you throw. It is because women love dogs, especially puppies. There is no better way to initiate conversations than by taking Scraps for a walk in the park. It helps if you have a friendly dog and not one who will bite her arm off while she is petting him.

Since Scraps cannot talk, you will still have to come up with something to say. You can ask her if she has a dog or any kind of pet. If she does, you can inquire if she would let them play together sometime. Seeing two dogs rolling around will probably give you some ideas of your own, but even if she does not have a pet, you have started a conversation. Remember to give Scraps an extra doggie treat when you get home. If you do not own a dog, borrow one from a friend. If any of your friends have been blessed with a little one, you may want to offer your services to baby-sit for an afternoon. Strolling a baby around may catch some glances. Most women love babies, but make sure they know it is not yours. You do not want them to think that you are married or that you do not know how to use a condom. Taking care of a baby will make you seem responsible and mature. Let’s hope the baby is cooperative and does not do anything too offensive while you are charming the ladies with your parenting skills. If you cannot change a diaper, you may be in some trouble. However, make sure you do not seem too paternal. You do not want any women admirers thinking you are ready to settle down and have kids of your own. Also, be careful not to take any cues from the baby and drool on any female onlookers.

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The gym and the laundromat are also good places to hang out, as long as you can ride a bike or pour detergent into a washing machine. Women are there for a specific purpose, so be careful when approaching them. The library is another place included in this category. While perusing the aisles for those useless relationship guides, you may spot an attractive woman reading one of your favorite books. A careful approach will provide the perfect opening. You have to be more careful than usual in this situation, but use what you learned in chapter 1 to charm and dazzle her. The Social Arena Unlike the grocery store, there are places where you can find women who actually expect to be approached and asked out. Bars, parties, social functions, and special events fall into this category. Just like there are different types of women, there are many different types of bars. Generally, certain types of women frequent certain types of bars, but there are exceptions. A higher class of women frequent high-price clubs and restaurants. If you are hanging out in a sports bar, I doubt you will find supermodels sucking back drafts of Bud. But that does not mean that women of a similar caliber are not hanging out there. Women know where to find men. Although you may be at a dive bar, there may be some very attractive women hanging around because they know hot studs like you go there. The more casual the hangout, the easier it is to approach someone. Classier joints come with certain expectations: you make a certain amount of money and maintain a certain lifestyle. If you do not have these characteristics, you can use your other great qualities to compensate for your lack of wealth, but the more pretentious the place is, the more money matters. Employees of any establishment are also potential dates. It is their job to be friendly, and they do not make much money by pissing patrons off.

It is a lot easier to talk to a waitress or a bartender, because the lines of communication are open as soon as they take your order. Therefore, you do not need to approach her and use a gimmick or a pick-up line. You also have some time to operate because as long as you are eating at her table or drink-

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ing at her bar, she has to wait on you (hopefully she will not look at this as a chore). Although they are at work, it is not invasive to ask a waitress or a bartender out. But do not take this for granted. Waitresses and bartenders are asked out constantly, so they are wiser to your guile. They may also have a policy against dating patrons. So while you do not have to worry about approaching them, you do have to be a little more creative in capturing their interest. Remember to leave a nice tip, too. You may have her smitten by the end of your meal, but if you leave a lousy tip, you could undo all of your hard work. Parties are also a great place to find women, as long as the person throwing the party has experience putting shindigs together. A good party planner will strike a balanced ratio of men and women. However, women will tend to invite more men than women so they have more of a selection to choose from. Of course, we use the same tactic. We will invite a horde of women to have a better chance of finding a match. In both cases, it is like inviting potential talent to a scouting combine. You want to have as much talent there to select from. Likewise, the talent wants to be there because they know that your team is looking for some help. Depending on how well you are acquainted with the person throwing the bash, there are a few pieces of information you need to know. How casual or formal the party is will dictate your attire. Is there a reason for the party (i.e., housewarming) or is it just for the hell of it? The theme will dictate what you bring for the host (i.e., a wall painting or a twelve-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon). The host may ask you to bring something specific, but even if they don’t, never show up empty-handed. Is it a theme party? If it is a leather-and-lace party, you do not want to arrive wearing a buttondown shirt and blue jeans. Remember the most obvious details: the date and time. Showing up on the wrong date is a bad thing. Arriving too early or too late is also a no-no. You should arrive approximately an hour after the given start time. You want to give people a little time to show up, but do not show up too late, because everyone may be too drunk and forget you were even there. If you are not crashing the party and actually know the host or hostess, do some investigating about the female guests. Find out who’s available, who’s attractive, who’s new in town, and who’s disease-free. Familiarity will help your cause. You have reliable references right there. You are not a total stranger, and that is usually a positive. Friends are always a good resource for finding women, even if they are not throwing a party. They know women through work, school, and family. You can always ask them if they know any eligible women or you can wait for opportunities such as a party to meet them.

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Other planned social events include art openings, film or theater premiere parties, cast parties, charity events, and fund-raisers. These are really just organized parties with a specific purpose or objective. People will assume you have a reason to be there and are familiar on some level with the party planners. The Professional Arena An easier place to find potential team members are those areas where women can get to know you without false pretenses. Possibilities include the workplace, work-related functions, conferences, organizational meetings, etc. These are places where you are doing something in a natural, neutral setting. These situations are good because you can interact with each other and get a good sense of what someone is like. There is not much to initiate because you already have a reason to talk to her. Most jobs provide interaction with a number of different people. Besides coworkers, there are clients, customers, colleagues, specialists, consultants, and vendors.

Obviously, coworkers can be dangerous because you see them almost everyday. Thus, it would be very difficult to date three women at once when one is around you eight or more hours a day. She can track you down any time while you are at work, limiting your ability to communicate with other women. You would be forced to become very secretive about your after-work activities, which may put you and your male colleagues in some difficult situations. This is not to say that you cannot manage this task, but it may present you with unnecessary stress. Suppose you are dating Sally the Account Manager. It is Wednesday, and you have a date with a hot new prospect, Stacey. Sally comes to your office and asks you what your plans are for the evening. You tell her that you are meeting a friend (not a total lie). Sally then asks if she could come along. Now what? You tell her your friend just broke up with his girlfriend of six years and needs a “guys’ night out.” She finally backs off, but you had to lie. Dating a coworker can be sticky, even against the rules, because some companies even have policies against dating coworkers—check your employee manual. I would not recommend adding one to your rotation.

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If you are going to have to be around a woman eight hours a day with no escape, you may as well be married. Finding other women through your job is a possibility. You may travel to a client in another city a couple times a month where you meet women who grab more than your interest. I worked with a guy in Greenwich, Connecticut, who regularly visited a client in Kansas City. He met a woman there and began seeing her once or twice a month. She would occasionally make the trip to Greenwich. He left the company, but continued seeing her. Eventually, they decided to move in together in New York City. Except for the shacking-up part, this was an ideal situation. Any time you can maintain a relationship with a woman in another city without constant interaction, do it. You will not have to worry about fitting her into your schedule and there is little chance of her dropping by your apartment at 2 A.M. However, if things end on bad terms, it may make your job more difficult. Unless you get taken off that particular account or leave the firm, it will be awkward when you see her. Conferences or work-related events are much safer environments to meet women. You and the women at these functions at least have something professional in common, maybe even the same level of education. Either way, there are fewer unknown variables to concern yourself with, and you do not have to worry about being stalked at the office. The very nature of your work can expose you to a bevy of babes. Modeling agents may be the best example. Not only is it your job to represent beautiful women, but you are constantly on the road looking for new, young talent. Some believe that it is unethical to date the women you represent, but hell, it happens all the time. Be wary because though these girls may look like full-fledged women, some of them are not old enough to tie their shoes. Photographers, fashion coordinators, and magazine editors have similar professional perks. A less glamorous but equally lucrative job, when it comes to finding women, is bartending. Many women lie when they state that they would never date somebody they meet at a bar. So, it helps if you are the bartender because the spotlight is primarily on you. They have to talk to you if they want a drink. No props or opening lines are needed, but that does not mean you can act like a bumbling idiot. The bartender simply has an opening other men don’t, and it is up to him to make the most of it. You should be warned, though. Although bartenders meet and often date a lot of women, they have to be careful because anyone can visit them at any given time. If a bartender is dating three different women, there is nothing to stop them from all showing up at the same time. He cannot have a receptionist say that he is not in the office or is in a meeting and cannot be disturbed. Later, I will show you how to avoid sticky situations like this.

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Flight attendants have the best of both worlds. Their job is traveling around the world, usually working with young, single women. Furthermore, dating coworkers is not very dangerous because you work with different people nearly every time you fly. The downside is that being a male flight attendant is not the most masculine job. Many male flight attendants are gay, which may actually work in your favor since you have less competition for your female coworkers. Remember, though, that there are pilots on board as well. The aforementioned jobs are only a few where you can increase your chance of meeting women. Obviously, there are others where there is a large propensity to interact with the opposite sex. Advertising, public relations, and service-related industries are some other professions where there is a high percentage of women. Professions with a low percentage of women include firefighters, telephone repairmen, waste disposal workers, and construction workers. Under False Pretense The next category of places to find women are those where you go to show your benevolence. Charity events, church functions, and volunteer organizations are examples of places to give a little back and to maybe “get a little” in return. Most men and women have good intentions by being charitable. It does not hurt, however, that you are bound to meet people of the opposite sex. You can easily meet new people who are altruistic, unless they are like you and are just there to scope new talent. Regardless of the motive, these are good places to find quality women. You do not have the same pressure of approaching someone in a bar, because the organization’s activities automatically provide an opening. Because there are so many organizations, the best way to choose one is to attend a meeting before you commit to anything. Observing a meeting will show you what types of women are involved and what you will be asked to do. You want to help, but you do not want to end up hunting poachers in the Pacific Ocean. Nontraditional Nontraditional places to find women include video dating services, personal ads, and Internet dating. You are probably thinking, “These places are for the demented and the desperate.” Although that may be true in some cases, they are still worth exploring. People who use these services are not always desperate, but often resourceful. There are no false pretenses in using a video dating service or answering a personal ad. You are admitting that you are looking for someone. There are no social functions or volunteer groups to disguise your true objec-

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tive. You are going right to the source where there are other people just like you who are tired of going to bars and finding love in all the wrong places. However, most people who employ these methods are usually looking for serious relationships, which is not our objective. Other people use these methods to satisfy their fetishes, which could be fun, depending on how bizarre their obsessions are. Of all the ones listed above, video dating is probably the safest, as well as the most efficient. You can cut through all of the pomp and circumstance, which goes into getting a date. You can find out a little about the person through their tape. You can also go back as many times as you want, provided you pay the fees. You do not, though, want to get a bad reputation at the video dating service. Try using two different companies at a time. Video dating is also safe because the companies keep information on all of their clients. Answering personal ads is a crapshoot. You have no idea who actually placed the ad and you can rarely believe anything that is written. However, if you are adventurous and do not have a conscience about answering ads located in the back of the paper, then go for it. Typically, older people use the personal ads because they do not feel comfortable going out to bars where a bunch of twenty-somethings hang out. They also do not want to play the games necessary to get a date. People who are new to an area and do not know anyone also tend to use the personal ads. They are usually looking for someone to show them around and be a friend. Internet dating is a fairly new phenomenon. Presently, these services seem to be a cross of video dating and the personal ads. The security is good, but not as extensive as video dating. You should definitely take some precautionary steps of your own. There are some safety tips for Internet dating you should keep in mind. You may want to use an alternate e-mail address when you visit dating sites and avoid giving out your home phone number or address to someone on-line. Usually, you fill out a questionnaire of some sort, but there is no way for them to verify the information you submit about yourself. The fees vary depending on length of service. There are sites that have photos available, but most just list personal ads. Some sites are more sophisticated than others. One of the more elaborate ones is www.americansingles.com. American Singles offers members ($10 a month, with specials that give you six months for $30) a balanced number of personal ads for men and women. Members can respond to ads listed, and your message is received instantly by the recipient. Members list their name, age, sexual preference, and location. You can also choose the state, country, and age group you would like to search. Photos are optional, and the site is updated daily. Another way to find women is through services your Internet carrier provides. America Online allows you to find people through the member direc-

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tory. You enter keywords to help narrow your search. The member profile asks you to list your name, city, state, country, birth date, marital status, hobbies, computers used, occupation, and a quote. You can also send an instant message to those members who are on-line at the same time you are.

E-mailing or sending an instant message to someone you have never met can be considered very invasive. One of my friends actually dated someone he had met through AOL’s instant messaging service. She lived in Atlanta and was visiting New York with a few friends. They were staying with a friend who had just moved into town. Since none of them really knew what to do or where to go, she did an AOL profile search that gave her a listing of single males in New York City. My friend was on-line at the time, so she sent him an instant message. We all met at a bar and they hit it off pretty well. She quickly moved to New York and they began dating. It soon became obvious, though, that she was not the most stable person in the world. They broke up and she moved back to Atlanta. So much for Internet love. Since you are trying to meet different women to date, you should try to use a variety of the places discussed. It pays to mix it up. That friendly librarian may turn on you and revoke your card. You do not want to go to the well too many times, because sooner or later it will run dry.

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4

The Rotation

T

he pitching staff is vital to any baseball team’s success. Good pitching can carry a ball club when the batting and fielding is sub par. The same applies to dating. Having the right women on your staff can make all of the difference in the world. A successful rotation boasts pitchers with different strengths. The same should be true with the women you are juggling. Since you have varying needs and desires, your women should fill the roles to fulfill each need. You do, though, have to know the limits of your team. We all want a staff that includes Roger Clemens, Randy Johnson, and Pedro Martinez, with Jeff Nelson as your set up man and Trevor Hoffman to close it out, but could any team really afford them all? (Well, maybe the Yanks.) Understand your limitations. Begin with a starter, a middle reliever, and a closer. The Starters The starters are the most important part of your staff. The women in the starting role receive the big contracts and get the most playing time. They perform several functions, but are used primarily for important appearances. For example, you would ask a woman in the starting rotation to accompany you to your employer’s house for dinner, or to your high-school reunion. Starters are

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about as close to having a girlfriend as you would want, so they should rate high in the areas that you consider the most important. Body, looks, and personality are usually the instruments with which you rate women. Starters should be stable, smart, attractive, and respectable (you have to use your own judgment here). They receive the call when you need a good woman. Remember that although these women may be the closest things to girlfriends, they are not. A girlfriend demands a guaranteed long-term contract . . . Who has that to offer anymore? If you find a Greg Maddux prototype, you may decide to take the plunge. Be sure that she is authentic before you make her your franchise player. Scout her abilities and talk to other teams about her past performance and reliability. You want to know how many teams she has played for. If she has been around the league, you want to find out if she is a career journeyman. I would also suggest putting her through vigorous workouts. If she passes all of these tests, then I would make her a long-term offer, but remember, this is a lifetime deal, and once you sign this contract, breaking it will cost you half of your revenue. Unlike in baseball, you do not have to make any contract offers. If they start making salary demands, you will probably have to cut them from the roster. You may begin hearing things like, “I really need someone who can make a commitment”; “We don’t spend enough time together”; “I want someone who is ready to settle down”; and even, “I want to have your baby.” If you hear any of this crap, then it is time to send them packing. There are also different types of starters you have to consider. You have the Ace, who is like Pedro Martinez, a perennial 20-game winner. The Ace gets the job done. You have to be careful with her, though, because sooner or later she will want that long-term contract. She knows that someone will give it her. The question is, will it be you? If you cannot keep an Ace on the staff, you might be better off with pitchers like Scott Erickson or David Wells (hopefully not as fat). They are proven 15-game winners, who pitch 200+ innings. They are Workhorses, who are going to give you a hundred and ten percent each time out.

They may not do the job as pretty as the Ace, and the results will not be as consistent, but you probably will not have to worry about the same contract demands as with an Ace.

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The Fifth Starter is the last type in this category. Although the Fifth Starter usually does not demand much from you, the results are not going to be up to the level as an Ace, or even a Workhorse. Good fortune will sometimes yield an Orlando “El Duque” Hernandez, but this is rare, and, most of the time, you will be stuck with a Mike Oquist. There are a few factors to consider when constructing your starting rotation. What do my needs justify? If you are very busy socially, and thus constantly have a number of engagements, you may need two or three starters, probably an Ace and one or two Workhorses. You may be insecure and simply need to have a few women in your life. A couple of Workhorses should fill that void. If you never leave the house, one Workhorse or one Fifth Starter may fit the bill. Another factor is status of your finances. Later in the book, I will show you how to maintain your standard of living while dating multiple women. Dating two or three women, though, can be a strain on your wallet. So, if you are collecting unemployment checks, you may only be able to afford a Fifth Starter. Middle Relief Middle relievers are also an important component of your pitching staff. These pitchers come in when your starters falter. They either pitch to a couple of batters or for four or five innings. Middle relievers may not be as dependable as your starters, but they also are not very demanding. Women in this role are usually called in for short-term, emergency situations. Suppose you have reservations to go away for a romantic weekend and, at the last minute, your starter cancels. What do you do? Make a call to the bullpen and bring in the middle relief.

You want, however, to make it seem like the trip was a totally spontaneous idea. Therein lies the trick with middle relievers: you want them to feel like starters even though they are not. Middle relievers help us when our starters stumble. Perhaps one of your starters left because she discovered that she was not your only pitcher. You may have to call in a middle reliever to fill the void. Therefore, middle relievers must be close in ability to your starters. They might temporarily fill in, but you need them to be your first option when another problem arises. They belong in the bullpen.

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The only way a middle reliever may be promoted to a starting position is if she has greatly improved in one of those areas where she was previously deficient. For example, maybe she just got a nose job or went back to school and received her high school diploma. Whatever the case, she has increased her chances to be included in the starting rotation. The Closer Ah, the closer. It is one of the most unique positions in baseball. The closer saves the game that has been set up by a starter or middle reliever. Sometimes, if the game is on the line, they may be asked to come in and try to win it. If the starter or reliever has failed, the closer is usually asked to pick them up. He is the last line of defense. Most closers, though, are a little different from other pitchers. They come in all shapes and sizes, i.e., Jeff Montgomery, Rod Beck, and Randy Myers. Some are a little off-center or a just a little quirky, but they always make the game interesting and provide a thrill. Women closers are really the same. We often call on them to get the job done when our starter or reliever cannot go the distance. Because they are only called in last minute situations, closers have to be willing to make the appearance. Let us examine a possible scenario where you would use a closer. Wednesday 8:15 P.M.: Arrive at art exhibition with Starter #1. 9:30 P.M.: Starter #1 goes home due to illness. Call Middle Reliever. 10:15 P.M.: Meet Middle Reliever at lounge downtown. 12:00 A.M.: Middle Reliever goes home because of an early business meeting. Call the Closer. 12:30 A.M.: Closer meets you at your apartment for some late-night fun and frolic. Game saved. Some of you are thinking that the closer is only used for booty calls. Although this may be one of their specialties, a good closer should be multifaceted. They may also be someone you just talk to or use as a trophy date. In any case, they should be available to you at all times of the day or night. You may be asking yourself, “Wow, if the closer can do all of these things, why wouldn’t they be a starter?” Good question. Typically, the closer is one of those Attainable or Easy women discussed earlier. While they fulfill some very

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important needs, there are other characteristics that keep them out of your starting rotation. The closer is not as dependable as your starter or middle reliever and is less desirable in certain areas. She may be more attractive than your starter but limited in her ability because of her age, profession, or mental stability. So while you would not necessarily take your closer to the employer’s house for dinner, you can call on her for the save when things go awry. The closer is invaluable. You will know when you find a good closer. A closer rarely asks for anything in return for her service or companionship. Therefore, it is important that you do not abuse or take advantage of her reliability. Using your closer too often or for unnecessary situations will jeopardize your relationship with her, so do not ruin a good thing. If your starters or middle relievers leave you high and dry one night, you may be better off renting a movie (an X-rated one, if you are really desperate).

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5

Prior Planning

T

he key to organizing your dating life is to make time available to see as many women as possible. Each woman in your rotation wants “the ball,” so you must make sure that they receive enough playing time. Proper planning and scheduling is vital. Figure out how much free time you have. If you are recently out of law school, have a job with a law firm, and are studying for the bar, you probably do not have time to eat, let alone juggle women. The amount of women that you have in your life is irrelevant at this point. Be realistic about your free time, and you will learn how to fit as many women as you can into your schedule. Women who you just started dating do not expect you to spend every waking moment with them. There is no exclusivity, and you do not have to go out together every time you are both free. The essence of juggling the women in your rotation rests on this fact. You do not want to disappoint her, but neither do you want her to get used to fact that you are always available. How else would you be able to see the three other women you just started dating? They deserve their time as well, don’t they? You must be able to spend a sufficient amount of time with everyone on your staff without neglecting any one person. This is easier said than done, but with the following guidance

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you can succeed. Oh, and you should not feel guilty about seeing two or more women at a time because most likely they are doing the same thing. Before you learn how to juggle your women, remember who they all are. Keep a fact sheet handy so you can recall vital data. You learn a lot about them during your first few dates. If you continue to see each other, it is important to remember this information. Forgetting or mixing up a woman’s information could prove disastrous. I recommend that you write down certain details as you discover them. Start with the most obvious facts and then cover the less-vital statistics. Expand this list as much as is needed. Once you have gathered the necessary information, you should put all of you team members’ information in chart form for easy reference. (There is a chart in the appendix for your own use.) If you have a bad memory, keep a small copy of this chart in your wallet. When your date goes to the restroom, you can refresh your memory about her vital statistics. You may want to impress her by bringing up a small fact she briefly mentioned one night. For example, she does not eat steak or drink milk because a cow saved her life when she was ten years old. At home, you may want to maintain a blown-up version that you can easily update. Keep it hidden from female visitors and use an erasable surface that you can easily change information as needed. If this seems elaborate, then just focus on basic information and try to commit it to memory. There is nothing more embarrassing than calling your date the wrong name. I once introduced a date to my friends as Sara, which was fine except her name was Amy. After correcting myself, I whispered to her that my sister’s name is Sara. I explained that my sister was in the hospital and I was thinking a lot about her. Fortunately, she did not know that I am an only child. If the date goes well and you decide to keep her in the rotation, then you have to maintain a level of contact to ensure her interest. Make sure you talk to her a couple times a week and make plans at least once a week, depending on your availability. Prioritize her based on her role in your rotation. If she is top starter, then treat her as one. However, it is difficult to know just what role your prospects are going to fill. Develop a schedule to keep track of who you are seeing and when. (There is a blank schedule template in the Appendix for your own use.) This schedule is fairly straightforward, and assumes that all of the women agree to your plans. The general idea is to stay ahead of the game. Any good manager plans when he is going to use a starter and prepares that person for their role. You must do the same thing. Women rarely agree to date on a moment’s notice because they have to adequately prepare themselves. In the early stages of dating, it is important to anticipate and plan properly.

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Your schedule must be flexible to juggle all these women. Making yourself available for lunch dates frees up your nights. Lunch is particularly useful if you have already scheduled a starter for a nightcap. Scheduling a lunch and dinner date is typically known as the day-night doubleheader. There is also the twi-night doubleheader, which is when you have drinks with one woman and then leave her to have dinner with someone else. Using a doubleheader is a great way to maximize your time. For the truly ambitious, you can schedule the very rare tripleheader date. The tripleheader date is when you see a different woman in the morning, afternoon, and the evening. Remember, dating is not just for dinner anymore.

If this all seems too hectic for your already chaotic life, then you have to make some modifications. Either reduce the number of women you are seeing

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or get them accustomed to seeing you once every couple of weeks. The more women you see, the harder it is to fit them in. But you do not have to exhaust yourself trying to see every woman whenever you have a free moment. Casual dating means just that—casual. Women must understand that you have other commitments: work, family, friends, etc. You can keep them at bay by exploiting these “commitments.” In addition, the busier you are, the more intriguing you seem. She doesn’t need to know that you actually spend most of your time on the couch watching infomercials and ESPN. Do not confess that the sick aunt you visit every Wednesday in the hospital is really a twenty-year-old blond nurse, or that your frequent trips out of town are really jaunts to see a twenty-one-year-old flight attendant. Earlier, I stated that you should be honest with the women in your life, so why is it okay to fib now? Truth of the matter is that I lied. If the situation dictates that you fib to save your skin, then you have no choice. Consider the alternative. Woman: My friend Harriet says she saw you in a restaurant kissing another woman last Friday night. I thought you said you volunteer at the soup kitchen every Friday. Man: Actually, it was another woman. The soup-kitchen thing was just my cover. Woman: Well, I can’t see you if you’re seeing another woman. Man: I understand. Do you have Harriet’s number, I’ve always had my eye on her. Doesn’t quite work, does it? If you feel guilty for lying about how busy you are or about the other women in your life, then be honest, but understand the consequences. Sure, a woman may act understanding, but depending how long you have been dating her, she may care a lot. In the last chapter, I stated that you should avoid the truth if it is damaging. If you cannot avoid the truth, and you do not want to lie, you may lose her altogether. However, this may be a sign that your casual relationship has become too serious and it was time to put her on waivers anyway. Dating will keep you very busy. If you actually have hobbies and like to do things away from home, you will find that there is little opportunity for anything else. Time management is critical. If you are not an organized person to begin with, learn how to plan your life in a more orderly fashion, or hire someone to keep track of your schedule.

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If this all seems too prearranged and premeditated, it is. However, you spend most of your day making and keeping appointments for your job. You also schedule personal appointments, whether it is a doctor’s visit, a hair appointment, or a visit with your astrologer. Taking the same approach with your social life is just as important. Proper scheduling can only make your dating career run more efficiently.

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6

How to Keep Them Happy

A

fter setting up your rotation, you must make sure that all of your players are kept happy. The following chapter will detail how to keep everyone content with their role. Unlike an actual baseball team, your starters probably will not hang out together and talk about their respective performances. If they do, then you have an ideal situation and do not have to read any further. For the rest of you, unfortunate souls, pay attention. How do you make sure that you keep all of your staff happy? Above all, it is essential to spend a sufficient amount of time with each of them. In the last chapter, you learned how to manage your time properly so that you give each woman the minimum amount of attention that they require. But what you do with your time once you are actually together is another story. Initially, the standard date of dinner and drinks is adequate, although a little creativity will make a lasting impression. Find out what is happening in and around town. Look for outdoor concerts, festivals, art openings, exhibits, sporting events, etc. Anything that shows you are conscious of your surroundings and that you have other interests besides chasing skirts and watching football (you may have to wing it here). Even a simple thing like taking

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her on a picnic is different from the standard date. Making the food and preparing a basket indicates you have some skill and, more importantly, shows that you put some thought into the event. Knowing the local restaurant and bar scene will also be helpful when choosing a location for your date. Doing something different can also make a good impression, but be careful. Do not plan to do something that you have never done yourself. The results could prove disastrous, especially if you choose something adventurous. Besides embarrassing yourself, you may hurt more than your pride. You could end up in a hospital.

I would not advise taking a date skydiving if you have never jumped out of a plane. Even something less bold could take a turn for the worst. I once took a woman to a lake for a first date and decided to rent a rowboat. Bad idea. If I were familiar with boating and rowing, everything would have been fine. Unfortunately for me and my date, I am about as comfortable around water as a mobster is at a police convention. Yes, I was one of those kids who could not swim, even with inflatable arms. But I felt confident that nothing could go wrong rowing a boat on a calm lake. Our voyage, though, was more doomed than the Titanic. I did not listen carefully to the instructions when we rented the boat. If I had, I would have known that there was a small plug in the boat that needed to be inserted before launching. Rowing was a challenge enough, and by the time we actually made it to the middle of the lake, we noticed that water was filling the boat. At first, I thought the water was the result of my unique rowing technique, but when it continued to enter, I knew we were in trouble. My date was as seaworthy as myself, and could not offer any assistance. We began using the oars to get the water out, to no avail. As we prepared for our exit, we noticed a neighboring boat and signaled for help. Luckily, they could row their boat and came over to help us. With occasional smirks, they brought us safely to shore. We left our boat sinking in the middle of the lake. Embarrassed and wet, I explained my plight to the attendant who had witnessed our debacle. He berated me for not inserting the plug. I claimed that

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he did not mention it, but I knew he had. My date actually continued to see me after this incident. I guess she was impressed by that rowing technique after all. The point is, if you feel like trying something different on a first or any date, make sure that you have done it before. Variety in your dates is essential to keeping your women happy, especially when you only see them you once or twice a week. Although there is not one formula to keep everyone happy, there are some common things that women generally like and dislike. Staying faithful to these principles will help you avoid many problems. Women like attention, but do not suffocate them. Giving them enough attention is important, but when you begin dating someone, you should not smother them. They initially understand that your life is often hectic, so they do not expect you to be with them every day. That would, in fact, scare them. See them enough to keep them happy, but make it known that you are usually busy and that it is difficult to set aside time. Get them used to seeing you only once or twice a week. Women like gifts. You do not, though, have to buy diamonds to impress them. In fact, big gifts like expensive jewelry tend to frighten women. They send the wrong message because they often imply that you want a serious commitment. They also leave your wallet empty. Even if you can afford it, avoid the temptation of splurging on the women in your life, except your mother. Don’t make a large investment in something you are not going to hold onto for a long time. Smaller gifts may actually have more of an impact. It implies that you are thoughtful. Gifts of this nature may include trinkets, flowers, books, music, etc. You do not need a reason to give a gift. Saying that you thought of her when you found it, means more than buying her something on her birthday. Remember important dates. Her birthday is the most obvious day to keep in your little mind. Women are very funny when it comes to their age, so be careful. Show her that you remembered by doing something special. If she has been dreading turning 30, however, don’t make a production out of it. Birthdays are tricky, so there are no hard or fast rules—except one. If you forget her birthday, you are out. But there are other dates that may not be as obvious, but have just as much significance. Depending on how sensitive she is, you may have to remember when her dog Scraps passed away. Otherwise, just pay attention. She will reveal important dates or events coming up. Showing her that you remember may lead her to believe that you listen and actually care about her life . . . right. Be honest. Okay, this one is a little tricky, especially if she asks you why you are busy almost every night of the week. You do not have to admit to dating other women. She may not even care or even want to know. If she is dat-

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ing two or three guys, she probably will not ask you anything about your dating habits. The key is to avoid the truth as much as possible so you do not have to lie. However, if she insists on knowing more about your personal life, you should be honest with her. She may not want to see you anymore, but she might respect your truthfulness. Respect her. You should show all the women you are dating respect. Showing respect may seem obvious, but it is not. Although she may be a No. 3 starter, you should treat her like an Ace when you are together.

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7

How to Keep Them Apart

W

ith so many women to juggle, you must try to avoid any uncomfortable situations. Although you may have mastered the planning and the organizing, there is always the chance of something going wrong. Women are as unpredictable as a plot of Law and Order. You must keep them away from each other. Even though these are only casual relationships, can you picture what would happen if you were having drinks with one woman and two women you were also dating walked in? Maybe nothing, but more than likely they would all react negatively to your ambitious dating techniques. You may even end up walking out alone looking for a whole new rotation. To prevent such encounters, there are some basic rules you should follow. Never take them to the same hangouts. You probably have at least one place where you frequently go. A place where the staff and customers know your name (no, not the neighborhood massage parlor). Whether it is a restaurant, a pub, or a coffee shop, it is a place where you feel comfortable. People recognize you as a devoted patron or even as an acquaintance. It may be a natural reaction to take one of the women you are dating there. Since people will recognize you, it may make you feel important. Resist this temptation. Once

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you take a woman to your hangout, there is nothing to stop her from showing up there on her own. She may feel so comfortable that she starts hanging out there and makes it her place as well. This would really cramp your style. If you still want to take a woman to a place where people know you, establish a few different hangouts so if one goes by the wayside, you always have a backup. Informing the staff of your dating style may keep you out of trouble. You do not want a friendly waiter trying to remember the name of every woman you bring in, because sooner or later he will mess up. Don’t call me, I’ll call you. When you ask a woman out, you usually ask for her phone number so you can call her and make plans. Thus, the ball is in your court, so to speak, to take the initiative. Although this is the traditional approach to dating, keeping her number and not giving out yours is a way to prevent any late-night or any other inappropriately timed phone calls. I realize that you can only withhold your phone number for so long, but if she never asks for it, do not give it up. When she does finally ask for it, tell her your roommate never gives you any messages and you do not want to miss her calls. You may want to give her a number other than your home phone. Try giving her a work number, pager number, or even your e-mail address.

Sorry, I have no room for your toothbrush. Women tend to be good detectives. If any have made their way into your apartment, it is likely that they have sniffed it out for evidence of other female guests. Therefore, try to keep any female paraphernalia out of your house or apartment. Unless you want to admit to cross-dressing, it may be hard to explain a size-7 skirt in your closet or a bra on your floor. Even then, she will know that you are more of a size 13 and definitely not a 36D. Since they are so observant, it would be unwise to leave anything incriminating around your place. Sweep up those condom wrappers scattered around your room every once in a while. Grope at home. You never know who is watching you, so keep the public displays of affection (PDA) to a minimum. You do not have to be ice-cold, but try not to make out or grope each other where others can see you. No one can prove anything if it is done behind closed doors. You do not want to turn anybody off, especially if there is a prospect in the area. Brief your friends. It would be prudent to advise your friends if you are dating more than one woman in your life. Provide them with whatever information they need to avoid saying anything incriminating. How much infor-

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mation you reveal is dependent on whether your friends are some of the brightest people in the world or if they are just above moron status. When they meet a new team member for the first time, you want to prevent them saying anything that would implicate you. Not properly advising your friends about your escapades might result in them greeting your female friend by saying, “Hey, Tracey, it’s good to see you again.” You can be pretty sure that this would be the first and last time your fiends would see Heather.

Making the Save

Even adhering to all the necessary precautions cannot prevent something from going wrong once in a while. When one of your women becomes disgruntled and wants to leave the team, there are some things you can try to do to keep her around. Usually, you do not mind when you lose one of the women on your staff because you have others to fill the void. However, if she is a vital part of your team, you may have to kiss her ass for a while. You may have to spend more time with her than usual. God forbid that you have to convince her that she is very important to you. Buying her a nice gift, taking her to a special restaurant, or arranging a really romantic weekend getaway are some suggestions to help make the save. What if she accuses you of going out with another woman? How do you get out of that situation? I would try an age-old method—deny, deny, deny. Ask her why you would go out with another woman when you are dating her? The most difficult save is the one when you are caught red-handed. Depending on how bad the situation is, you may not be able to pull it off. If you are desperate to keep her around, you will probably have to resort to begging and making a lot of promises that you will never be able to keep. I would recommend that you let her go at this point, but make your own call.

Tools of the Trade Juggling women effectively requires proper tools. They will help you to stay in touch and to stay out of trouble.

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The Answering Machine is the most basic tool that you will need. The kind of answering machine itself can make a difference for you. Features that you should look for are date and time listings, the ability to retrieve messages when you are away from home, and volume control. When you bring a date home, you probably want to turn the answering machine volume down so that you are not disturbed by another woman’s call. There are times when you will want to keep your answering machine turned off. You are accountable to anyone who leaves a message. However, if it is off, and the person calling cannot leave a message, you do not have to answer any questions as to why you did not return a phone call. Of course, this may be inconvenient if you are expecting some important calls. If you want something more sophisticated, I would recommend subscribing to your local telephone company’s answer call service. Your calls are answered by a voice mailbox that you set up and can easily access. The disadvantage of this service is that you cannot screen your calls, because the caller is automatically connected to your mailbox if you fail to answer. You cannot hear what has been said until after the caller has completed their message. Caller ID can fix this problem. For the true juggler, it is one tool that is almost essential for your success. Through the wonders of technology, this small box can identify the caller’s name and phone number before you even pick up the phone. With Caller ID and the answer call service, you can identify your caller and have the option of answering it without having to hear the caller’s voice. And you do not have to worry about whether or not you left the volume up. Sometimes a call will appear as anonymous or unavailable, which means that their phone number is not listed or they have requested that their number be blocked when calling someone with Caller ID. You can counter by asking the telephone company to block persons with private numbers. If the caller wants to reach you, then they have to unblock their number. Call Forwarding is another nifty tool. If you are away from home and are waiting for someone to call you, you can get a service that will forward anyone who calls you at home to the number where you can currently be reached. You provide the telephone company with number where you can be found when you are not at home. The caller will jump from number to number until you pick up the phone where you are. The caller, however, has no idea what the other numbers are. After they dial your home phone number, they just hear the ringing until you answer. Call forwarding ensures that you do not miss any phone calls. Cellular phones are now a standard piece of technology. It is convenient because you can make phone calls from any place you travel. You can call to confirm a date while you are already out with another woman. Wait until she goes to use the restroom before you try this, though. You can also have calls

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to your home phone number forwarded to your cellular phone so you do not miss any communication with your bullpen. There are also cellular phones with Caller ID capability. Once the caller is identified, you can decide if you want to answer it. If you ignore the call, then the caller will be sent to your voice mail where they can leave a message. Cellular phones are becoming more diversified. In addition to Caller ID and voice mail, you can also send and receive e-mail and fax communications. These features are great for business, but you can also use them to stay connected with the women in your life. Suppose you are on a weekend adventure with a woman and you do not want to use the hotel phone to call another woman. You can send an e-mail to her with your cell phone. You can tell her that you have been called away, but are thinking of her and want to see her soon. There are some security features you may want to use in case one of your women gets her hands on your phone. You can keep phone numbers private by storing them where you need an access code or a password to retrieve them. If you have other women call your cell phone, you can use a feature that hides the phone number of the last person who called you. To keep incriminating evidence secret, make sure you buy a phone with these or other security features. Almost everybody uses e-mail. It is an effective way to correspond with the women you are dating. You can use it to schedule and cancel dates, or even break up with someone like I once did. You may consider keeping multiple e-mail accounts so you do not confuse the women in your rotation. Make sure you have good passwords to foil a would-be spy. Electronic organizers are another handy tool. Although it will not help you keep your women away from each other, it can help keep track of who is on your team and when you are supposed to see them. Most organizers allow you to store names, phone numbers, addresses, and other pertinent information. They can remind you of important dates, such as birthdays, appointments, etc. You can also input your schedule, write yourself memos, and keep track of your expenses. Most organizers are lightweight and easily fit in your pockets. Palm Pilots are a relatively new tool of technology, whose usefulness is still undetermined. It is similar to the electronic organizer, but acts more like a portable computer, although usually smaller. Information like phone numbers can be stored by writing them on the screen with an electronic pen. You can also scan business cards onto the Palm Pilot, so if you meet a woman at a conference, you do not have to worry about losing her card among all the others you have collected. More advanced models can actually dial phone numbers that are stored in the system, making it a hybrid of the cell phone

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and the electronic organizer. Like cellular phones, Palm Pilots can encode phone numbers to keep them private. The pager is another valuable tool because since it just lists a phone number or a text message, you do not have to worry about answering an unidentified phone call. That is, of course, if you recognize the phone number. Pagers have also become more sophisticated, delivering text messages as well as e-mail. Some even allow you to keep track of the stock market or the latest sports scores. A pager is an inexpensive way to keep you in touch with all of your women.

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8

Fiscally Fit

U

nless you are independently wealthy, juggling women can be very costly. Depending on the size of your rotation, you may have as many as fourteen dates a week, that is, if you are ambitious enough to schedule two doubleheader dates every day. At worst, you will probably be going out at least two or three times a week. A standard date, which includes dinner and drinks, can be rather expensive. Besides the cost of going out, there are other expenses incurred when dating. Gift giving also depletes your dating budget. Your credit card and telephone bills may also suffer. In the following chapter, I will provide some tips on how to lower your bottom line. What is the standard date, and what should it cost? First dates tend to be somewhat conservative. You are unsure about her interests and do not want to be overly ambitious. Stick to the blueprint standard date. When you play a team that you have never faced before, you tend to go with what has given you the most success. Even with some advance scouting about the woman you are taking out, you will still want to stay basic. After the first date, you should have a better sense of her likes and dislikes, and then you can become more adventurous.

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A standard date includes transportation, dinner, and drinks. Depending on where you live, the cost of each of these elements will vary. The following example is based on New York City rates for two people. You can modify based on your locale. Transportation Appetizer/Salad Main Course Dessert Drinks (two drinks each) Tip (15%) Total

$12.00 $ 8.00 $26.00 $ 8.00 $18.00 $10.80 $82.80

Not too cheap, is it? Even on a first date, there are ways to reduce your cost without looking like a tightwad. First, you do not have to take her to an outrageously priced restaurant. If you know a great little Italian place that is inexpensive, you are probably better off dining there. It is not the price of the meal, but rather the experience. Look for places that are big on atmosphere and low on cost. You do not want to sacrifice the quality of the food, but you should look for a place that strikes a balance of good food, low cost, and a pleasant environment. If you still do not know where to go, just remember that Wendy’s and McDonald’s do not meet the criteria described. Staying away from any type of restaurant chain is generally a good rule. It should not be too difficult to find a restaurant that meets all of the above criteria. Consult restaurant guides, such as Zagat’s, that provide detailed descriptions of the type of food, atmosphere, and price ranges. On the Internet, www.dine.com, www.citysearch.com has listings and reviews for restaurants in more than 20 U.S. cities, including Boston, Chicago, Houston, Indianapolis, and Las Vegas. Local magazines and newspapers usually devote a section that reviews restaurants.

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If you want to make dinner plans that do not require a significant investment, you may want to consider cooking. I know the word “kitchen” may be foreign to you, so let me give you a hand. It is the room where you keep those leftover pizzas and your beloved Meister Brau. It contains a mechanism called a stove, where you cook food.

Cooking dinner for your date does not only save you a lot of ducats, it can also make you look talented and well rounded. Do not worry if a grilled cheese sandwich is the limit of your cooking knowledge. If you can read, you can follow a recipe, and if you can follow a recipe, you can cook. Find recipes where you can recognize the ingredients and do not need a cooking dictionary to understand. Staying basic does not necessarily mean boring unless you are planning to cook two cans of Dinty Moore. The following recipe is easy to follow and it will leave money in your pocket. Salmon Fettuccine Alfredo 2 cups 1% milk 8 large cloves garlic, peeled Pinch of ground nutmeg Salt & freshly ground pepper 1 lb. dried fettuccine noodles 1 1/4 lb. salmon fillet (purchased at a seafood store or in your local grocery store) 2 Tbsp. reduced-fat cream cheese 3 /4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese 3 Tbsp. chopped fresh parsley 1 whole lemon 1. Position oven rack in upper third of oven; preheat broiler. Line a small baking pan with foil. Lightly oil foil or coat it with non-stick spray, like Pam. 2. Place a pot of salted water on stove to boil. 3. In a medium saucepan combine milk and garlic; bring to a simmer over low heat. Simmer gently until garlic is tender and milk has reduced to 11/2 cups, 15 to 25 minutes. Let cool slightly.

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4. In a blender, purée (to purify) milk and garlic until smooth. Return to the pan and season with salt, pepper, and nutmeg. Keep sauce warm by covering pan and placing over a low flame. 5. Place fillet, skin side down, in prepared pan. Squeeze lemon over salmon fillet. Brush lemon evenly. Broil salmon, 3 to 4 inches from the heat source, until opaque in the center, 6 to 8 minutes. 6. Meanwhile, cook fettuccine until al dente, 8 to 10 minutes. Drain and transfer to a large warmed bowl. 7. Whisk cream cheese and 1/2 cup Parmesan into sauce. Add to fettuccine and toss well. Slice up salmon and add to fettuccine. Sprinkle with parsley. Serve immediately, passing remaining 1/4 cup Parmesan separately. Makes 4 servings. To complement this dish, try a light Chardonnay.

The total cost of this meal is about $30. The value, however, is much more. Another advantage to playing chef is that if you do not burn anything and if the night goes well, your bedroom is nearby. The combination of good wine and some romantic music may bring some compliments to the chef. Another great idea is to put together a lunch and take your date on a picnic. Eating outdoors is a great experience that can be enjoyed at a park or even in your backyard. All you need is a picnic basket, a couple of sandwiches, a salad, a tablecloth, utensils, and a bottle of wine. Instead of buying the sandwiches and the salad, you can impress your date by making everything yourself. This should be even easier than cooking. It is also safer because you are not fumbling around a hot stove. Winter Greens with Earl Grey Vinaigrette Earl Grey Vinaigrette 1 /4 cup brewed Earl Grey tea 2 Tbsp. champagne vinegar 2 Tbsp. walnut oil 2 Tbsp. minced shallots 2 tsp. Dijon mustard Salt & freshly ground black pepper Greens 12 cups mesclun or other assorted mixed greens, washed and dried 2 ripe pears, peeled, cored and diced 2 Tbsp. chopped toasted walnuts 1 /3 cup Parmesan curls Freshly ground black pepper

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To make vinaigrette: In a jar with a tight-fitting lid, combine tea, vinegar, oil, shallots, and mustard. Shake well to combine. Season with salt and pepper. (The dressing will keep, covered, in the refrigerator for several days.) To make salad: In a large salad bowl, toss greens with 1/4 cup vinaigrette. Arrange on 8 salad plates. (Eight plates isn’t that much for one date.) In the same bowl, toss pears with the remaining vinaigrette. Arrange on greens. Top with walnuts, Parmesan curls, and black pepper. Serve immediately.

All of these recipes call for more than two servings, but you can halve the ingredients so you do not have too many leftovers. If you have back-to-back dates, however, you may want to keep the extra servings for the next one. The recipes above were taken from Eating Well magazine. Glossary of terms: Al Dente—to cook until firm, or an Italian guy from Brooklyn. Pinch—a very small amount, not what you do to get fired from your job. Milk—white liquid that comes from a cow. Mince—to cut into very small pieces, see Jeffrey Dahmer. Shallot—green onion, or a movie reviewer with a funny mustache. Simmer—to stew at or just below the boiling point. Vinaigrette—a sauce made typically of oil and vinegar, onions, parsley, and herbs. Puree—a fancy way to say to blend. Adding variety to your dates keep women interested. Deviating from the “same old date” indicates that you have given some thought to the event. Creativity often helps you avoid large expenses. Look around your surroundings to find ideas. No matter where you live, there are always interesting events like shows, concerts, exhibits, fairs, and festivals. Refer to the weekend section in your local newspaper. The Internet has sites that list area events including, www.citysearch.com which provides a complete listing of area events in major U.S. cities, including Boston, New York, San Francisco, and Washington, D.C. Many of these events do not carry the price tag of going to a fine restaurant for dinner and drinks. Of course, a night at the theater or a big concert can be rather expensive, but many of these outings will be moderately priced or even gratis. Do not feel cheap if you attend an inexpensive or free event. There are many organizations and companies that put on an event for its intrinsic value and are not looking to raid your wallet. To help determine the

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value of a particular event, you might want to research the organizing or sponsoring company. You are sure to find many bargains that have more cultural value than monetary value. Doing something active with your date can also keep you from scraping change from under the sofa cushions.

Taking a date on an outdoor expedition shows her that you actually get out of that recliner for more than your next beer. It helps if you actually are an active, outdoor type. You can take her hiking, rock climbing, biking, or rollerblading. If you are the competitive type, you might want to challenge her to a friendly tennis match or even a basketball game. Usually outdoor activities are cheap as long as you have the proper equipment. If you or your date are not that active, you can still have some cheap fun (put your handcuffs away, I mean inexpensive).

Bowling, miniature golf, and pool are just a few fun activities that do not require you to be a world-class athlete. Another way to save some coin without looking like a miser, is to enroll in rewards programs that give you special deals and discounts. I do not advise using any discount cards that you have to present at the time of use. You might as well cut out a coupon at the dinner table and present it right there. Your date might be insulted that you do not feel that she is worth full price. There are discount services that can save you this embarrassment. One such service is called Dining a la Card. This service works in conjunction with Visa, MasterCard, American Express, and Discover cards to give you a 20-percent rebate when you dine out at participating restaurants. The service provides you with a complete list of the restaurants and usually waives the registration fee for one year. The annual fee is about $50. If you spend an average of $25 a week on dining out, your annual cash rebate would be $260, provided that you go only to participating restaurants.

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Credit card companies often partner with certain businesses to offer discounts. Some cards offer their own rewards programs. Contact your credit card company to see what special discounts they offer. Frequent-flyer clubs also provide valuable deals. You earn miles by flying with the participating airline. The main objective of these clubs is to earn miles towards a free flight or at least to get a discount on your ticket. However, many major airlines have partners with other businesses where you can earn miles and receive discounts at other participating businesses. Some of these partners include florists, rental car companies, hotels, and telephone companies. Earning a free flight can be very valuable if you decide to take a woman on a vacation somewhere. If you ask a woman to go away with you, she may think that you really like her. Make it clear that you travel a lot and keep the trip short to make it more casual and affordable. Here are some additional tips. Know where you are going. I am not trying to insult your intelligence, I simply mean that you should be very familiar with the type of place you are visiting. Just like it helps to know the local restaurant scene, a familiar vacation spot is also quite useful. Besides eliminating the element of surprise, you will know how to stay within your budget. If you insist on going someplace new, talk to your travel agent about how expensive it is. You can also research travel magazines. Use those frequentflyer clubs to secure discounts at hotels and rental car companies. There are also travel discount cards, such as Travelers Advantage, which offer you steep discounts at hotels across the United States. They will also act as a travel agent and look for flights and travel packages. Another way to keep your travel costs down is to register with various airlines’ Internet sites. Most of the major carriers offer weekend deals that become available to consumers on the Tuesday or Wednesday before travel. The airline will e-mail you a list of their latest special fares. Usually, it is for travel that begins on Friday night or Saturday morning and ends Monday or Tuesday. The fares are usually very cheap, depending on where you are going. You can be spontaneous and ask a woman to go away with you as soon as you find out about one of these deals. She might think that you are quite a renegade for asking her to go away on such short notice. Overall, just be aware of how much you are spending. You have to be practical when seeing many women at once. Earlier, I mentioned how to set up a schedule to keep track of your dating activities. Well, it may also help to keep financial dating records. Setting up a spreadsheet can assist you with a budget as well as help you when during tax time. If you have a creative accountant, I am certain he or she can find a way to write off some of those dates. The chart below gives you a daily, weekly, as well as a woman-bywoman totals.

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How much you spend depends on your overall budget. Suppose you earn $45,000 annually. Based on the above totals, you would spend $11,440 on dating women a year, or approximately 25 percent of your total income. And remember, that is before taxes, so it may be more like 35 percent of your take-home income. Considering that you probably pay rent and need food once in a while, that is a hefty percentage. If you break these percentages down by woman, Courtney would represent $4,888, or 11 percent of your gross income; Marie would represent $3,640, or 8 percent; and Lisa $2,912, or 6 percent.

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You may now be considering an engagement ring for half the price of dating all these women and be done with all of this time management and budgeting. Very true. But remember that the women mentioned above will probably not be around for an entire year. They probably will not even be around for football season. Yes, there will be other women to replace them, but even so, it is doubtful that you will have nine dates a week for an entire year. The above example is an extreme one so you can see how to set up your budget. You may spend this much once or twice, but realistically you will probably spend one half of this amount each week. Spending $110 a week would reduce your annual total to $5,720, or 12 percent of your gross income. If this is still too much, then find a better paying job or take a couple months off from dating. You probably need a vacation anyway.

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9

Personnel Changes

A

t some point, you will need to change your starting rotation. Casual relationships are not meant to last forever. Free agency has made it almost impossible to keep your team together. You may have a team comparable to the 1975 Cincinnati Reds or even the 1961 New York Yankees, but if you do not invest the necessary money, it might soon resemble an expansion team (1997 Florida Marlins). Do not despair, however, there is enough talent available to put together another contender. Players constantly leave teams for one reason or another. This is intrinsic to juggling women. If you are prepared, you will have women ready to fill the void in your dating life. Just make sure that you know the free agents who are available. Making a trade with another team is another option. And, of course, you should constantly develop your farm system so you can bring somebody up through your own organization. Finally, you will learn how to re-sign players and how to protect your team from leeches like yourself. Learn these methods so you can supplant any woman with someone of equal talent.

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Making Cuts Most women simply outlive their usefulness and need to be replaced. You can only tolerate certain women for so long. She may have been great in the sack, but that squeaky voice is unbearable. Her terrific figure should not prevent her from knowing the president’s name. She possesses a great personality, but when she has a couple of drinks, she turns into Kim Bassinger in “Blind Date” and becomes a three-ring circus. We may endure these shortcomings for a while, knowing that our destiny is not with them, but sooner or later the breaking point is reached. Since these relationships do not last long, you are usually spared the task of going through a grueling breakup. The longer you date someone, the longer the breakup will be, because of the strong emotional attachment. I have experienced some breakups that have lasted two or three days, sometimes even longer. I had one girlfriend who I first broke up with in 1993, but it was not until 1995 that we parted ways for good. Breaking up is about as fun as negotiating a player’s contract with agents like Drew Rosenhaus or Scott Boras. You dread it. Men are not good at breaking up. The reason is because it requires that you be open and talk about your feelings. Those are two things that men are usually not very good at. It is also very uncomfortable to tell a woman why you do not want to see her anymore. Although you should not have to go through a long, drawn-out breakup, you still have to end it one way or another. When you have to cut a player, you thank them for their services, give them a pat on the butt, and wish them good luck with their future endeavors. Cutting someone in your rotation should be just as easy. You do not have to offer a long, drawn-out explanation about why you are letting her go, because you did not date her long her enough to make a commitment. The length of her tenure dictates how much effort you have to spend saying good-bye. You may even be able to get away with breaking up via telephone. She will have more respect for you if you can tell her face to face that you do not want to see her anymore, but if you only dated for a couple of weeks, a phone call should suffice. Sending an e-mail is even less personal than using the phone, but if you do not ever plan on seeing her again, it makes no difference what mode of communication you use. If you are dating a woman who lives in another city, using the phone or email can be practical. I dated one woman who lived in Washington, D.C., while I lived in New York. When I thought things had run their course, I sent her an e-mail. The following is the actual transmission: I’m sorry I have to talk about this over e-mail, but I don’t know when I’m going to have a chance to see you. The past couple of months have

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been great, but now it seems that we’re headed in different directions. I don’t think we can keep going on this way. I don’t think we are ever going to be together because neither of us can move. We’re immersed in our careers and neither one of us is willing to compromise our success. We have to be practical about our situation. I know I’m being pessimistic, but it doesn’t look like anything is going to change. You need to concentrate on your future, and I don’t think I can be part of it. I’m sorry that is has to end like this but it has to. I want you to be happy. Good-bye. I’m sorry things didn’t work out.

Using the phone or e-mail may be spineless but it spares you all of the unnecessary melodrama. You do not have to witness her emotional outbursts or worry about her belting you in the face. With e-mail, you do not even have to listen her cursing you out. She may send a nasty reply, but reading, “You’re an asshole” just does not have the same effect as her yelling it in your face. If you can take all of the yelling, screaming, and crying, then I would recommend that you do the job in person. You may be surprised to find that she has little or no reaction to your news. A nonreaction can either mean that you meant absolutely nothing to her or that she is planning to turn into Glenn Close. In case of the latter, make sure you watch your back. Here are some effective ways to say good-bye. Drop Off the Face of the Earth

You cannot date someone whom you never see or talk to. Do not return her phone calls. Do not call her. You are never home when she drops by. Your friends have not seen you and neither has your local bartender. Before you start becoming invisible, you might want to hint at your upcoming disappearance. You might mention that you have to go away for a while and you cannot discuss the details with her. If she asks if you are in some kind of danger, you can say, “Well, some may say it’s danger, I just say I’m helping my country.” If you cannot be this dramatic without cracking a smile, then you do

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not say anything. Just stop becoming reachable, and pretty soon she will stop trying to find you. The disadvantage is that you have to watch where you go all of the time. If you had a special place you both went to, you need to avoid going there with anyone else for a while. Be wary if she becomes friendly with your friends. You do not want to make your friends lie for you. This is why you do not take her to all of your favorite spots, because if you “disappear,” then you will not be able to visit them again without constantly looking over your shoulder. Hopefully, you heeded my advice about not dating anyone at work, because if you did not, then forget about using the invisible approach, unless you were planning on quitting. Become the Anti-Boyfriend Once you start dating someone, you get to know a lot about her. If you followed the directions in the chapter on prior planning, then you have been keeping information on your women. You probably know a lot about her likes, dislikes, hobbies, ambitions, fears, hopes, and dreams. Since you have paid attention to her, you have said and done all of the right things. So when you decide to release her, all you have to do is the opposite of everything you were doing to keep her around. Stop sending her those flowers you picked for her every week. Stop telling her how beautiful she looks. Stop writing those mushy poems. Stop doing anything that you know she likes. Start becoming unreliable. Forget to show up for dates and go out with your friends and get drunk. Forget her birthday. Forget her name or, if you want to do something really drastic, call her by your ex-girlfriend’s name or, better yet, her best friend’s name . . . during sex. How long it will take before she walks out on you depends on how tolerant she is of all of your recent miscues. She may question your sudden change of behavior. Your response should be consistent with your new attitude. An answer like, “This is the real me, babe,” should definitely scare her. I do not recommend this approach if she has friends who you have been scouting. Word of your behavior will spread faster than a California forest fire. She will tell all of her friends what a jerk you are. I’m Seeing Someone Else Of course you are, but she does not know that. She may not even care. Since you have only been seeing her for a short while, she probably suspects that you are seeing other people. Most likely, she is dating other people as well, so your admission will probably not scare her away. Tell her that you are serious with somebody else and do not want to lead her on. You can also add that you stick to a commitment when you make one.

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Although you may not be completely accurate in your confession, she will probably respect your honesty and integrity. If only you really had some. Regardless, you probably will not burn a bridge here and may be able to date her again if your situation changes. Depending on her scruples, you may be able to convert her to a closer. It’s Not You, It’s Me

Seinfeld fans know this method well. George Costanza is a champion of the “It’s me,” approach to releasing women. The strategy is to avoid any truthful admission about why you do not want to see her. Instead, you make your own shortcomings and inadequacies the reasons why it must end. You might say that you are not mature enough to handle a relationship and you will just end up hurting her like all of the other women in your life. You might also want to confess that commitment scares you. Most women are wise to this strategy. They understand that you are just trying to spare them the truth. Others will buy it and even feel good about it because you have convinced them it is your own fault and could not be anything they did. If you are an honest person whose tongue can only spew the truth, then the next method is for you. The Brutally Honest Approach Telling a woman why you do not want to see her anymore is difficult. However, if you want to cut her, then this is probably the most effective way to send her packing. You want to make a list of your personal pet peeves and all the reasons why she falls short of your expectations. Some examples: “You snore in your sleep.” “I cannot stand your friends.” “You are not intelligent enough.” “Your mother is fat.” You can be sure that once you are done reading it to her, she will be out of your life for good. She may slap you before she walks out or have a list of her own to read. Prepare for the worst.

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It’s Not a Good Time for Me If you want to avoid burning bridges, then stay away from the brutally honest approach. Another effective way to cut a woman out of the rotation is to tell her that you just cannot give her the attention she deserves or demands. This is similar to the “It’s Me” approach, except that you are not focusing on what is wrong with you, but instead what is wrong with your life. You take the focus off of both her and yourself and blame it on some uncontrollable entity. You can say that you are just too swamped with work and you do not see any end in sight. Tell her that at this point in your life, you have to focus on your career or you will never have time for anyone. You can also add that you do not want to end up resenting her by making the sacrifices required to keep her content. You can leave the door slightly open by implying that maybe down the road things will change and you can give her the proper time and attention, but for right now she is better off without you. If she buys your story, you may be able to re-sign her in the future. These are just a few recommended ways to drop women from your rotation. You may want to try combining a couple of the methods or creating some new ones. Now that you have a few positions open, it is time to go get some new talent. Free Agents Free agents are those women who have served their tenure in the league and are available to any team who can sign (afford) them. There are always free agents on the market. Your job, as a general manager, is to research. You should be able to keep track of who is available through your friends, coworkers, and regular hangouts. It may be handy to keep a scouting sheet at home to know who is a free agent and who is not. When a woman breaks up with her boyfriend of three years, you can note that her status has changed from unavailable to available. Beware of the free agents who make hefty contract demands before they join your team. Familiarize yourself with their experience and skill before you sign them. If she has bounced around from team to team, then you know that she is a journeyman, and probably do not want to sign her to a long-term contract. Pick her up just to fill a temporary hole in your rotation, and make sure that she knows that you cannot offer any guaranteed contracts. The Farm System Besides free agents, there are women who you should be continually tracking and making mental notes about. If you have been scouting properly, you should have a list of women who interest you. You may find these women

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anywhere. Usually you have met them a few times or have some regular contact with them. She could be that attractive bartender at the restaurant you frequent, your friend’s sister, or that client in Chicago. You want to stay in touch with them so you can call them up when they are ready.

Women in your farm system are different from your free agents because you usually know a free agent’s track record. You often have little or no information about the women in your farm system. You cannot be sure if untested talent will ever pan out. You may call them up to the “bigs” and they may turn out to be a bust. However, there is always that undiscovered talent. You may call up the next Mark McGuire, hopefully without the big arms and the facial hair. Re-Signing Players If you are amicable with former players, you may be able to re-sign them to your team. Why would you want to re-sign a player you have already cut? Sometimes people and situations change. You may run into a former player who looks absolutely incredible. She never looked that good when you were dating her. Maybe she looks better because she is not dating you anymore. Now you have to convince her to come back. If you ended on friendly terms, this may not be a problem. However, if you used the brutally honest approach to cut her, she may just spit in your face and walk away. The best way to get a woman back is to simply apologize. You probably did something wrong while you were dating her. You have to suck up and convince her that you have changed as well. Tell her that you are more mature or you are more grounded and that whatever happened before will never happen again. Are women always this gullible? No, but you may catch her in a forgiving mood. Just remember that there was a reason you cut her once, and like you, she probably has not changed that much. Do not make a habit of re-signing players. Getting back together with someone gets old quickly. It is kind of like watching Hearns and Leonard fight for the umpteenth time.

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Making Trades Trading for players is difficult and rare. Although you may find another manager willing to trade someone, I doubt that either woman would agree to the transaction. A more subtle way of making a trade is for both of you to agree to release your respective players and then try to pick them up as free agents. There is no guarantee that they will sign with your team, so this may be risky. However, it may work out, especially if they were only on the other team for a short amount of time. If the women are actively dating, like you are, they would probably be open to at least a tryout. Protecting Your Team Keeping men away from your women is a formidable task because you have only been seeing them for a little while and have kept things casual. Since you have not offered any guarantees, there is nothing stopping them from hearing other offers? Nothing! You cannot get mad if they go out with someone else. You are doing the same thing and that would be a double standard. We all know that men never have double standards. So what can you do to keep your team together? If you followed the chapter on how to keep them happy, then the women in your life should be content with you so far. If another suitor is following the same guidelines I have provided, however, then you may be in some trouble. For your sake, let’s hope they have not read this book yet. While they may be trying out some other teams, they will probably come back to yours. If you see a fellow manager attempting to recruit one of your players while you are present, you should make him aware that she is off limits. Even if he knows that you do not have a contract with her, you should tell him that you are in negotiations and any interference would be considered “tampering.” Besides resting on your laurels, you should at least keep your horny friends away from them. Your friends probably know that you are not seriously dating any of the women you are seeing and may try to make a move on one. Exchange protected lists to avoid this. Your protected list should include up to three women whom you want your friends to stay away from. You also agree to stay away from anyone on their protected list. Any other women are then considered free game. Until you drop someone off of your current list, you are not permitted to add anyone else. Besides the protected list, there are no other ways to keep people away from your team. Unless you offer a woman some type of contract, she is really just a free agent. If you are intent on juggling women, you have to make

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sure that you are never confronted about where the relationship is going. Any confrontation should be a clear signal that it is probably the time to let her go. Remember that you do not want to give anyone false expectations. Unless you want to make a commitment, you do not promise something you will not deliver.

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Summary

B

efore you replace your old apartment door with a revolving one, I want to leave you with some final advice about juggling women. Do not make the same mistake that so many professional sports leagues have made. Baseball, football, and basketball have all had labor problems recently. Sports have become less about the love of the game and more about business. Few players experience the thrill and enjoyment that motivated them when they were young and not being paid millions of dollars. Few owners care whether their players enjoy the game. Players and owners rarely see eye to eye these days. Instead, each is only concerned with how to keep his wallet full. This selfishness has produced lockouts, strikes, and other labor disputes. Dating is a pastime, just like baseball and football. Remember what it was like to play baseball when you were 8 years old? You did not have a care in the world, except for trying not to miss the ball and make yourself look like an ass in front of your family and friends. You probably have the same memories about your first date. You and little Suzy were behind the school, kissing for hours. Your hormones did not know what the hell was going on as you tried to unhook that training bra. You should enjoy dating like you did

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when you were behind that schoolyard, except now you know where babies really come from. Keep dating fun so that you do not experience any labor problems with the women on your team. There is nothing wrong with taking a professional approach to dating, but do not get too caught up in the minutiae. It is okay to be concerned with your salary cap and your team’s performance, but do not alienate your women. If you do, sooner or later you will suffer the same unpleasant backlash like the NBA, NFL, and MLB. Remember how awful the 1994 baseball strike was? There was barely half a season. There was not even a World Series. What a bummer. Think how much worse a strike of your women would be. Sure missing baseball was bad, but now you are the one not getting any play. Revel in all that dating has to offer. It is about getting to know someone, learning about her life, and sharing experiences. Now that you can successfully juggle, you can share experiences with many women at one time. So be a good team manager and make sure you and your women enjoy every date like it was your first. By the way, I just hope you can unhook a bra by now.

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Appendix

About the Author FELLER WAS BORN in the Bronx, NY on November 28, 1970. He started writing at age 16 as a reporter for a local newspaper in Pompton Lakes, New Jersey. From there went on to graduate with a degree in Journalism and Political Science from Rutgers. While he was there, he was a reporter for the Daily Targum. After working for the Mayor’s office in New Brunswick, New Jersey, Stefan went on to the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill where he received a Master’s Degree in Journalism. He then returned to New York where he began his writing career. His first book “How to Juggle Women Without Getting Killed or Going Broke,” was published in January 1999. The book is humorous guide on how to date multiple women. The book takes a practical approach to organizing your dating life, complete with schedules, information charts and budgets. He has appeared on number of national TV shows including Montel Williams, Politically Incorrect with Bill Mahr and The Leeza Show. He has also participated in numerous interviews on local TV and radio, including Man Cow’s Morning Madhouse and CBS Sportsline. Stefan and his book have also been featured in Entertainment Weekly. Stefan currently lives in Manhattan where he continues to write and compile research about dating and relationships.