Medicinal Remedies

Medicinal Remedies By Kathy Pratt

DigitalPulpPublishing 121 S Palm Canyon Drive #225 Palm Springs, CA 92262 www.DigitalPulp Publishing.com Copyright © 2005 by Kathy Pratt Published by arrangement with the author All Rights reserved, including the right of reproduction, in whole or part, in any form. This publication may not be stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise without prior written permission from the publisher. ISBN 0-9763083-5-5 Kathy Pratt Medicinal Remedies Nurses, Euthanasia, Child Abuse

Prologue Kristy ran her finger along the length of the angry red welt on her leg. The buckle from the belt had opened one small area right at the top of her thigh. Daddy had really hit her hard this time. She’d have to wear long pants to school tomorrow. She couldn’t take the chance of her teacher seeing it. She didn’t think she could explain away this one like she’d been able to do in the past. The teacher surely wouldn’t believe any more of her stories about how she’d injured herself. She hugged her stuffed tiger close to her chest. “It’s okay, Tigger, I won’t let him hurt you, ever.” Her sobs came in waves of silent hiccups now. Her tears had finally stopped, but had dried in dirty streaks down her face. She was in her secret place under the huge old Oleander bush. The soil there was moist and damp and she scooped up a handful of mud to plaster on the red welt. She looked at the crushed oleander flowers held tightly in her hand. Her heart ached as she remembered her mother’s lectures. She was ten years old and her mother had frequently warned her to never, never, put any of those pretty pink flowers in her mouth. She’d told her in no uncertain terms that if she ate them, she’d be poisoned and die. Dying didn’t seem like such a bad thing to Kristy. It would mean the end of her misery. The spankings from her father would stop. She wouldn’t have to do any of the endless chores around the house anymore. She would never have to endure the looks the other children at school gave her when they caught sight of the cigarette burns and welts on her body. But then she thought about Laura, her little sister. She loved Laura and would do anything to keep her safe. If she died, then Laura would get the brunt of her father’s anger. Laura would have to smell the beer stench on his breath as he shouted at her, his face just inches from hers. She would just have to endure. Some day this would all be behind her. She vowed to never hurt people, as she had been hurt. She would only be a helper. “Kristina! Kristina Petersen! Where are you? I know you’re out there somewhere trying to get out of work. Come set the table. Your father wants his supper.” The obedient little girl dropped the flowers to the ground, brushed the dirt off of her leg, swiped at her dried tears, and emerged from her hiding place to go help her mother get the evening meal on the table.

Chapter 1 “Emergency standby to emergency room. Emergency standby to emergency room,” the voice on the overhead page system shrieked. “They’ve got piss-poor timing. I just got to a good part in my book. Who’d I put on codes, anyway?” asked Carol, the disgruntled charge nurse. “Gina--but she just left on her break,” Kristy answered. “She had the beginning of a migraine, took a pill, and said she was going to go lie down in the lounge. She’s probably already asleep.” “Her and her flippin’ migraines.” Carol rolled her eyes. “She won’t be any help then. I don’t know why we have to go to codes in the ER anyway.” “I’ll go. Sometimes they don’t have enough staff to manage. They always send us right back up if they’re able to handle things,” Kristy offered. “My patients are both sleeping and I don’t have to check their vital signs again for an hour. Besides, I was getting sleepy and this will wake me up.” Kristy gathered her stethoscope, bandage scissors, tourniquet and surgical clamps from the cluttered Intensive Care Unit desk. “Thanks.” Carol picked up her book. “I hate going down there. I can’t ever find a thing and some of those ER docs are real assholes. I don’t know who’s on tonight and besides, I have PMS. I’d probably strangle one of those jerks if he yelled at me.” Kristy hurried off, certain that Carol had PMS more often than anyone else she knew. * As she rounded the corner to the ER, her thoughts immediately left the grouchy charge nurse. The place was packed. There were the usual screaming kids, a couple of drunks on stretchers--including one accompanied by several policemen--a woman Kristy recognized as a hypochondriac who frequently visited, a young woman on a stretcher weeping softly and an obnoxious middle-aged man yelling at the frantic nurses because he’d waited two hours and still hadn’t gotten his sinus medicine. Standing in the corridor was a somber group of what appeared to be family members. Some of the women dabbed at their eyes with soggy tissues. Kristy assumed they were with the patient in the code room. As Kristy entered the room, she was relieved to see Dr. Greer on duty. “Welcome to the zoo, Kristy.” Dr. Greer gestured to the opposite side of the gurney. “Come on over here and help me get this central line in. We tried to start a peripheral, but all of her veins blow as soon as you touch them with the needle.” Kristy turned the elderly woman’s head to the left side while Dr. Greer inserted an enormous needle under the right clavicle and into the large vein buried deeply there. The old woman’s hair was tinted slightly lavender and showed evidence of having had a recent perm. It was curled in a brillo pad look. Her parchment paper skin was a road map of wrinkles and had a pale blue tinge to it. Her lips were also blue. The woman’s eyes were half open and clouded over with cataracts. They already looked dead. Kristy continued observing the woman and noticed that her right leg had been amputated above the knee. Her left leg had also been amputated just below the knee. She estimated her to be about eighty years old. “So, what’s the story on this one?” Kristy asked Dr. Greer. “Do I need

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Medicinal Remedies to call Carol and tell her to get a bed ready in ICU for this lady?” “I wouldn’t bet on it. I don’t think she’s going to make it. She’s had a long history of diabetes and the usual cardiac problems. As you can see, her circulation is poor. She lost her right leg a couple of months ago,” Dr. Greer answered. “Is that her family out in the waiting room?” asked Kristy. “Yep. They’re pretty shook up. Her daughter got up tonight and went in to check on Mom and found her lying on the floor by her bed. She didn’t respond, so the daughter called 911.” Dr. Greer continued, “She was in third degree heart block and pulmonary edema when she got here. I gave her a diuretic and some atropine but nothing has worked yet. Dr. Simpson is the cardiologist on call tonight. He’s on his way in.” “Well, aren’t we lucky? I hope Dr. Simpson is in a better mood tonight than he’s been in for the last few years,” Larry, the respiratory therapist said. “That man needs a woman in his life. Maybe that would improve his disposition.” “Amen. The last time he was in the ICU he threw a syringe of Lidocaine at Carol because she hadn’t attached a needle to it fast enough for him,” offered Kristy. “Where are my blood gases? They should have been done by now,” Dr. Greer said irritably. “I got ‘em, I got ‘em. Keep your shirt on Doc,” said Larry, as he flashed Dr. Greer a megawatt smile. “Her oxygen is pretty low. I’d intubate if I were you.” Larry was a tall dark and handsome type and Dr. Greer a petite blonde. They flirted with each other at every opportunity, but no romance had bloomed as of yet. At least no one in the hospital knew about any romance between the two, and if one person knew anything the whole hospital would know it in a matter of minutes. Dr. Greer scanned the lab result slip Larry handed her. “Thanks, Larry. Just don’t send the patient a bill for your medical consultation services, okay? You’re right. Get the tray. We need to intubate her.” James, the ER clerk, entered the room and approached Dr. Greer. “Excuse me, Doc. The family wants to speak with you. They don’t want anything more done for their mom. Apparently she has a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care that was signed and notarized before her last surgery. Too bad they didn’t think of that earlier. I guess they called the paramedics before they thought this through.” “That’s just great now that I’ve called Dr. Simpson in. You know how he is. ‘Never say die’, so to speak. Kristy, can you please go talk to the family? Find out where that DPAHC is and what it says,” Dr. Greer instructed. “I’m on it,” Kristy answered. Just as Kristy left the room, Dr. Simpson came flying into the ER. “Where’s my patient? Have you called X-ray? I need a flouroscopy table right now to put in a pacemaker. Where’s the pacer cart? Why the hell don’t you people have things ready when I need them?” he shouted as he tore off his jacket and tie. “Where the hell is my scrub shirt? You all know I wear a scrub shirt when I work!” the red faced Dr. Simpson demanded. Brenda, the ER nurse handed him a shirt. “Right here, Doctor. Everything is ready, but the consent form hasn’t been signed. The family isn’t sure they want a pacemaker inserted.” “What the hell do you mean they don’t know if they want this done? They called 911 and had her brought into the ER, didn’t they? I was called in

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Medicinal Remedies on consultation, wasn’t I? If they didn’t want anything done, then why the hell was I called?” fumed Dr. Simpson. “Please, Doctor.” Brenda pleaded. “The family can hear you. Go talk with Dr. Greer. Kristy just went to speak with the family. We’ll know in a few minutes what their wishes are.” Kristy listened to the exchange as she approached the woman’s family in the waiting room. She hoped they weren’t as cognizant of the doctor’s anger as she was. Maybe they hadn’t heard all that he said. She wasn’t sure how she would feel if it were one of her family members in this situation, but she was certain the doctor wasn’t helping them to make a decision. “Hello, I’m Kristy Petersen. I’m one of the ICU nurses here at Memorial. I’ll be taking care of your mother if she requires transferring to the unit. I understand you’re having a bit of trouble deciding whether to continue with emergency treatment of your mom,” Kristy’s tone was empathetic. “Oh dear, we’re so sorry for all the trouble we’re putting you people through tonight. That doctor sounds so upset.” said the patient’s pretty, dark haired daughter as she began to cry. “We just didn’t know what to do. When I found Mom lying on the floor by her bed I couldn’t think of anything else to do but call 911. I guess I made a mistake. I was so scared.” “Don’t worry about us. We’re here to do what’s best for you and for your mother. And don’t be too concerned about the doctor. He always sounds like that. He’s on call tonight and under a lot of stress.” Kristy put a reassuring arm around the daughter’s shoulders and guided her to the waiting room. “Let’s talk about your mother’s care and what you want done for her.” When they were all settled in, Kristy began explaining to the family just what was happening with their mother. “Your mom’s heart is in a third degree block, which means that the vital organs aren’t getting an adequate supply of oxygenated blood to do their work. Dr. Greer placed an intubation tube down her throat and into the lungs so we can deliver high dose oxygen. She needs a temporary pacemaker inserted to stimulate her heart to beat well enough to get the blood to her internal organs. Heart failure and diabetes both affect the kidneys and she could end up needing dialysis.” Kristy paused to allow the family time to process. “I understand you have your Mother’s Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. May I see it?” The daughter handed Kristy the forms and said, “Mom didn’t want any heroic measures taken to prolong her life. She’s eighty-four years old and has lived a full life. Unfortunately, she’s been plagued with ill health in recent years. She’s ready to go.” Kristy examined the document, and finding everything in order, said, “This is filled out correctly. I’ll show this to the doctors and let them know of your decision to withhold further treatment. It’s evident this is what your mother wants.” Kristy carried the Durable Power of Attorney back to the code room with her. As she entered, she could see that Dr. Greer was upset. “Listen, Dr. Simpson. I know I called you in but that was before I knew what the family and the patient wanted done. Why can’t you just drop it now and go back home to bed? You’ve got office hours tomorrow.” Dr. Greer was speaking to Dr. Simpson’s back. “You listen, Dr. Greer. The family had the patient brought into the ER. Somebody obviously wanted something done. If I leave now they’re likely to sue my pants off. Besides, we’ve resurrected them before. I’m putting in that pacemaker. If you don’t help me I’ll report you to the review board in the morning. Is that clear?” Dr. Simpson had turned to face Dr. Greer and was

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Medicinal Remedies angrily glaring at her, obviously challenging her to refuse to help him. “Excuse me Dr. Simpson. I’ve just talked with the family and I have the patient’s DPAHC here. They want to stop all aggressive treatments,” Kristy said. “I don’t give a damn what you have in your hand. I got called out of my nice warm bed in the middle of the night and I’m putting in that pacemaker. You had better get busy and assist me or you won’t have a job at Memorial Hospital tomorrow. Is that clear?” All too clear, oh benevolent doctor. All too clear, Kristy thought as she checked the temporary pacemaker that was used for such emergencies. She connected the wires, determined that the battery was charged, removed the cover and set the settings Dr. Simpson shouted at her. The radiology technician appeared with the fluoroscopy table and rolled his eyes at Kristy when he saw who the cardiologist was. The hospital staff was all aware of Dr. Simpson’s reputation as a tyrant. They pulled and tugged the unfortunate old woman from the ER stretcher to the cold, hard X-ray table. Kristy cringed at the indignity of it all and hoped again--for probably the thousandth time--that she would die in her sleep and be spared all of this when she came to the end of her life. Dr. Greer wore a scowl on her face as she prepped the woman’s groin area with antiseptic in preparation for insertion of the pacemaker leads. “I’m not getting a blood pressure,” said Brenda. “It’s been running around seventy to eighty systolic, but I can’t even palpate a pulse now.” “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” asked Dr. Simpson. “Have that ICU nurse take it. She knows how to take blood pressures.” Kristy noticed the red flush on Brenda’s face as she stepped out of the way so Kristy could reach the patient’s arm. “She’s right. I don’t hear a blood pressure either,” Kristy reported. “Well, move!” shouted Dr. Simpson. “Get some dobutamine hanging right now. We’ve got to get her pressure up. Do I have to think of everything?” “No you don’t,” said Dr. Greer. “We’re all certified in Advanced Cardiac Life Support. We know what we’re doing. Have you forgotten the family and the patient don’t want her resuscitated?” Dr. Simpson ignored the question and continued inserting the pacemaker leads. The wire could be seen on the view screen snaking its way into the right ventricle of the heart. When it reached the precise spot for the electrical impulse to capture, Dr. Simpson turned the pacemaker on. “There. That ought to do it. It’s capturing and getting a regular heartbeat now. Check the blood pressure again. It should be up.” Just then, the curtain partitioning the room off from the rest of the ER was pulled aside to reveal the patient’s infuriated daughter. “Doctor! You are not God. God has determined that it is time for my mother to die. I’m ordering you to stop all treatments immediately or you’ll be faced with the biggest lawsuit you’ve ever seen! You are deliberately ignoring my mother’s directives!” Doctor Simpson turned slowly to face the daughter. The expression on his face was so cold that Kristy felt a shiver of fear run through her. He took off his bloody surgical gloves and dropped them to the floor. He alternated staring at the daughter with watching the rhythm on the heart monitor go flat line. “Ma’am. I will stop what I am doing. Just remember that I could have saved your mother but your interference killed her. I hope you never forget

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Medicinal Remedies that.” The pale woman gasped as the Dr. shoved past her, grabbed his coat and tie and exited the ER. She looked faint and Kristy grabbed her just as she started to slide to the floor. Dr. Greer was livid. She stomped around the room turning off the monitors and machines. Kristy could see tears welled up in her eyes. “I can’t believe that man.” Dr. Greer muttered. “He’s the most arrogant, the most pedantic man I’ve ever met. Who does he think he is?” Brenda was also in tears. She sat on a stool in the corner of the room, crying into her hands. Larry and the radiology technician exchanged disbelieving looks as they went about gathering up equipment to return to their departments. Only Kristy was aware of the need to do something for the distraught family. She led the daughter out the door and back to the waiting room to be with other family members. “I’m terribly sorry to have to tell you this, but your mother didn’t survive,” Kristy said to the group. One of the men said, “She didn’t want her life prolonged, and we agreed to abide by her wishes.” “Still, it’s a bit of a shock to those of you who loved her.” Kristy paused and passed out boxes of tissues. “It was no one’s fault, and I don’t think anything that was done or not done would have made any difference.” “Thank you for saying that,” the daughter said. “That Dr. tried to put the blame on me, but I know better.” “You’re absolutely right,” Kristy affirmed. “Please, all of you go on home together and talk about your mother and how she was during the happy times in her life. We’ll take care of her now. You can call us tomorrow when you have decided on a mortuary.” Kristy hugged everyone. Each one thanked her as they filed out the door to their cars for the drive home. * The walk back to the ICU was a long, lonely one for Kristy. She could only think of the terrible, unnecessary pain she’d seen inflicted on the family members. Kristy didn’t understand Dr. Simpson’s attitude and lack of compassion. She walked along, deeply in thought. “Whoa, Kristina. You almost mowed me down. Where’s your mind?” asked Rick, the pharmacist that Kristy occasionally dated strictly platonically. His hands were full of medications he was delivering, but Kristy grabbed him around the waist anyway. “I need a big hug, Rick. I just went through the most awful code in the ER with that horrible Dr. Simpson. I’m not going to forget this one.” “Come on, Kristy. Those things happen all the time. You’ve been a critical care nurse for years. Aren’t you immune by now?” Rick asked. “No, I’m not. They’re getting harder for me to handle lately. Maybe I’m burning out. Anyway, I hope I never get to the point that I’m as callous as Dr. Simpson.” “I’m sorry, Kristy. I’ve got to go deliver these. Want to have breakfast in the morning? We can talk more then.” “No thanks, Rick. I’m just going to go home to bed. I’m so exhausted I could sleep standing up.”

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Medicinal Remedies “Some other time then. Take care of yourself,” Rick said. “I worry about you. You’re looking too tired lately.” “I’m okay. Don’t worry about me. I appreciate the thought, though,” Kristy said as she turned to walk towards the ICU. The ICU was as quiet as when Kristy left an hour earlier. Carol still sat in front of the heart monitor with her eyes half on her book and half on the squiggly lines on the screen. She looked up as Kristy entered. “How’d it go? Do we need to get a bed ready or did the patient crump?” Carol asked. “Yeah, she was dead before she even got here. Never should have been coded. Too bad there’s not some way to keep people from panicking and calling the paramedics when they know they don’t want anything done,” Kristy commented as she slumped into a chair beside Carol. “I know what you mean. I long for the old days when people died peacefully at home in their own beds,” Carol said. “Just like my Grandma did. She had leukemia and my family kept her at home until she died. It was so peaceful for her. She just sort of faded out.” “I wish Dad could have gone like that. He had cancer and they kept trying one thing after another on him. He was in agony for months. I was only in high school at the time and felt so helpless. Then when Mom had her car accident, I felt even worse,” Kristy said. “Did I ever tell you that I was standing outside of my Grandma’s window when she died?” Carol asked. “She used to call me her little butterfly. She’d smile and wave at me when I stood looking in. Only this day she didn’t wave. I thought she was sleeping until I noticed my Grandpa sitting on the bed with his head in his hands and I instinctively knew she had died. You know, it’s odd but it’s a good memory for me. I was just a little kid and it was a natural lesson in life and death.” Kristy rubbed her temples with her fingertips. “I got off track. Is your Mom still in that nursing home? The one near your sister?” Carol asked. “Yes, but Laura is so helpless herself. She’s always getting into one mess after another. It drives me nuts. Now she thinks she’s pregnant. Isn’t that just great?” Kristy said. “No it’s not, and it isn’t your problem, either. Don’t take it on,” Carol advised. “Well, now I’ll have a baby to worry about, too. I can’t believe I only have two living relatives and I worry about them all the time,” Kristy said, completely ignoring Carol’s advice. Carol sighed. “You worry too much. Your sister is old enough to take care of herself.” “I can’t help it. She’s my baby sister and I’ve always looked after her.” “You’re not doing her any great service by rescuing her all the time,” Carol said emphatically. “Let’s go give our baths and get our patients ready to greet the day. The quicker we get moving the faster the time will pass and we can go home,” Kristy said in order to change the subject. Patients were bathed, linens changed, foley catheter bags emptied and intravenous fluid balances written down. The morning’s duties were finished in a flourish of activity as portable x-rays were taken and blood drawn for lab work. The ICU night nurses were finishing their charting when the day nurses arrived to offer relief. “Hey, you guys didn’t get the narcotics counted for us again. How

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Medicinal Remedies many baths did you get done?” asked Julie, the morning nurse whose primary concern was whether a good portion of her work had been done for her by the night nurses. “We had problems last night.” Carol answered. “Gina had a migraine and Kristy had to go to the ER for a code. Besides, policy says that you guys are supposed to count your own narcotics. And, I’m not going to tell you who got bathed until after you make assignments. You always pick those patients for yourself.” “Evidently you have PMS again, Carol. Sorry I asked you anything,” Julie responded as she opened the narcotic cabinet to count the drugs.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 2 Kristy unlocked the door to her condominium and stepped inside. The weather was turning out to be unusually warm, and it was stuffy in her condo. She latched the screen but left the front door open to allow fresh air in. It was early spring, and the scent of lemon blossoms filled the air. Water babbled along the streams that meandered through the condominium complex. Occasionally, a wayward mallard bobbed slowly along. Flowers were in bloom everywhere. The complex was quiet, most everyone having already left for work. Kristy was grateful for the peacefulness. Her unit was small, with a kitchenette, living room, and one small bedroom. The bathroom was one area the builder had splurged on, which was why Kristy had chosen this particular condo. There was a granite topped vanity with two sinks and a large mirror, a sunken bathtub with spa jets, and a separate shower. The bathtub had been a lifesaver many times for Kristy, massaging her sore and aching muscles until she was relaxed enough to sleep. “Where are you, Pooh?” Kristy called to her cat. Pooh-Bear was an enormous Persian cat Kristy had rescued from the local pound six years earlier. He’d been her constant companion since then. He meowed an answer, and she found him lounging in the coolness of the stainless steel kitchen sink. “Hi, Pooh. I bet you’re hungry.” The cat ignored her, flicked his tail and blinked one eye as he continued to stare at a blank spot on the wall. “I see you’re mad at me. I know I’ve been working a lot lately and you’ve been left alone. Just keep in mind who buys the tuna,” Kristy said as she stroked Pooh’s soft fur. Kristy opened the cupboard and selected a can of Pooh’s favorite gourmet cat food. As the electric can opener whirred, the cat finally turned his head in her direction. When she removed the lids and the scent caught his nostrils, he stood up, stretched and jumped to the floor. As she emptied the food into his bowl, he began to rub against her legs. “I see you’ve forgiven me. You should be nice. I had a rough night. It’s a cruel world out there,” Kristy said as she brewed herself a cup of herb tea. She sat down to sip the tea and read the morning paper when the phone rang. “Kristy, it’s Laura. I went to the doctor yesterday, and I’m definitely pregnant. About three months.” “Oh, Laura. I’m sorry. What about Ron? Did you tell him yet?” “Yes, I told him. You won’t believe what he said.” Kristy rubbed her temple with her free hand. “Nothing that comes out of his mouth surprises me.” “He said, ‘Well, Honey. That’s too bad you got yourself in such a fix. Too bad I’m not ready to be a daddy. I don’t think I’m ready to look at you all fat and pregnant, either.’ Can you believe that man? What am I going to do? I don’t even have a job.” “I’m so tired right now I can’t even think.” Kristy pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. “I had the night from hell at work. I’ll have to get some rest and call you back later. Don’t worry, I’ll think of something.” “Wait. That’s not all. The nursing home called and Mom is really giving them fits. They have to keep her restrained and she keeps getting untied. She

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Medicinal Remedies won’t stay in bed or in the wheelchair, and she’s fallen a couple of times. She’s just lucky she hasn’t broken something,” Laura continued. “Can’t you go talk with Mom and make her settle down?” Kristy asked. “She’ll behave if you’re really stern with her.” “I can’t cope with that right now. She’s fighting with the nurses, too. Mom clobbered one of them on the head, and she lost two days work because of it. What are you going to do?” “What am I going to do? Laura, I live four hundred miles away!” “Well, I’m pregnant and sick every morning. I’m worried about how I’m going to live now that Ron is bailing. You can’t expect me to worry about Mom, too.” “Okay. Listen, I’ll call you back after I’ve had a few hours sleep. I really can’t think of an answer right now. Don’t worry. I’ll work something out. I love you, Laura.” “I know you do, Big Sis. I’ll pay you back some day. I really will. Sleep good!” Laura signed off cheerily. Kristy sighed, and then rose slowly from the table. She left the morning’s news, no longer able to cope with it on top of everything else. Carrying the cup of tea with her, she went to fill her tub with soothing hot water and fragrant bubbles. Undressing slowly in front of the mirror, Kristy surveyed her body for signs of aging. Not too bad for thirty-five. No signs of cellulite yet. There’s a little more sagging than there used to be but the old broad is holding up pretty well. Too bad I don’t have time to join a gym. Yeah, that would do it. Firm me up and make me feel better all around. As she lowered herself into the tub of hot water scented with lavender, reality hit. She realized that she would be having even less time, now that Laura was pregnant. She was already thinking about the extra shifts she would have to pick up in order to help Laura survive. There was just no other way. Why is it always me? Why am I the one that has to take care of everyone else--in my professional life as well as my personal life? Why isn’t there anyone to take care of me? A cold, black cloud of depression descended upon her as she toweled herself dry. It took all her remaining efforts to dress in her favorite flannel pajamas and walk to her bed. She pulled the covers over her head and felt Pooh jump on the bed beside her. Just as she was beginning to drop off to sleep, the phone rang again. “Hi, Babe. I hope I didn’t wake you.” “It’s okay, Mack. I just got into bed. I wasn’t asleep yet.” “Good. Guess what? I know you have a night off, and I do, too. My wife thinks I’m on call tonight so she made plans to go into Los Angeles for dinner and a play with some girlfriends. You can cook me one of your great Italian dinners. We’ll have plenty of time. I’ll bring the wine!” Kristy groaned silently at the thought of having to be witty, entertaining, charming and sexy when she was so tired. But when she thought of handsome Dr. Mack Grisham with the curly black hair, sparkling onyx eyes and devilish grin, she couldn’t possibly say no. They’d been seeing each other off and on for ten years, having met when he was a resident and she a graduate nurse. If she said no, she might never see him again--might never have the chance at the happiness she was hoping for. She couldn’t take that chance, no matter how tired she was. She loved him too much. “Sure, Mack. I need to get some sleep though, so let’s make it around

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Medicinal Remedies seven this evening, okay?” “You don’t need to sleep that long. I really want to see you. How about five?” “All right, Mack. You win as usual. See you at five.” “Great, Babe. I’ve got a little present for you, too. Sleep well. You’ll need lots of energy.” She turned off the phone; this time making sure the ringer was off as well. She knew she would explode if one more person called and made some sort of demand on her. Almost immediately, she sank into a deep, dark sleep. The type of sleep that came with total exhaustion was not a normal sleep. It was more like being in a coma. Sometimes, Kristy would awaken and realize she’d slept for hours without moving. Her limbs would be stiff and sore and one side of her body would be full of pressure wrinkles from the sheets. When awake, Kristy sometimes wondered if that type of sleep was what death was like. She wasn’t really sure she believed in heaven. At least she’d never been privy to any glimpses of it. Carol was always telling her that patients frequently saw visions of long dead relatives when they were close to death, but Kristy chalked this up to hallucinations. She suspected death was just a total absence of anything--just endless blackness. These thoughts occurred only when she was in one of her bleak, black moods. When the mood was over, she’d chastise herself for thinking so negatively. Kristy woke with a start and jumped out of bed, knocking a startled Pooh to the floor. She turned to her clock on the nightstand and was momentarily confused at the time. Is it two o’clock PM or AM? She looked towards her blackout drapes and saw the strip of daylight peeking through. Oh, good. It’s two o’clock in the afternoon. I’ve slept five hours. I’ve plenty of time to shop and fix dinner for Mack. * Kristy took her time shopping. Only the best would do for Mack’s dinner. She bought homemade pasta and sauce, freshly grated Parmesan cheese, and the crispest vegetables she could find for a salad. Mack loved vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup, so she selected his favorites and added them to her cart. The market baked hot bread throughout the day, which was one of the reasons Kristy shopped there. On her way home she planned to stop at a coffee shop and get some hazel nut flavored coffee--another of Mack’s favorite. Kristy wondered if Mack’s wife ever went to this much trouble for him and decided she couldn’t possibly or he wouldn’t need Kristy. * Mack had been single when Kristy and he met. Their affair got off to a hot and heavy start and stayed that way for a year. When Kristy’s mother had a nervous breakdown while in the nursing home, Kristy went to Sacramento to be with her. A year went by before Mrs. Petersen recovered to the point that Kristy felt she could return to Southern California and leave her mom alone in the nursing home. Kristy returned to find Mack married to the wealthy daughter of an old family friend. Kristy was understandably devastated, and was borderline suicidal for a while. Mack somehow convinced her that he didn’t love his wife, but married her out of a sense of duty to his family who sacrificed so much to

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Medicinal Remedies put him through medical school. They resumed their affair soon after his marriage. It was always on his terms, at his convenience. Kristy couldn’t call him anywhere--at his office or at home. He expected her to be available at all times, and she was. He promised her they were going to eventually have a life together, and she believed him. So far it was enough for her. When they were together he was gentle and caring. When they were apart she had her own life. They were close without smothering one another. And, he didn’t know all of her dark little secrets. * The phone was ringing as she walked in her door. She dropped the grocery bags on the counter and grabbed the phone. “Hey, Big Sis. What did you come up with?” “Not much yet, Laura. There’s plenty of time. I won’t let you down. I promise. I’ll work more shifts so I can send you more money. There’s always your unemployment, and when the baby comes you can get Aid to Families of Dependent Children. It will all work out. Look, I have to go. I’m cooking dinner for someone.” “Who? That leech, Mack? When are you going to dump him? All he does is use you! Why don’t you find a decent guy, like that Rick you work with?” Who are you to talk about people using them? You’re the one that got pregnant by some loser that dumped you when he found out. And, you use me all the time? Kristy wished she had the strength to say these things to Laura. “Let’s not get into that now. Take care of yourself. I really have to go,” she said instead. Mack arrived promptly at five o’clock, bearing gifts. He brought an enormous bouquet of red roses, a couple of bottles of expensive wine, and a wrapped gift box. He placed all of them on the kitchen counter and took Kristy in his arms. “I’ve missed you, Babe. What’s it been, three weeks?” he asked before covering her mouth with warm, sensuous kisses. “It’s always too long, Mack. I could see you every minute of every day and it wouldn’t be enough. I love you so much. I don’t think you even realize how much.” “Of course I do, Hon. Believe me, I love you, too. Someday, when the time is right, we’ll be together forever. I just can’t do anything right now. Eleanor has been having panic attacks again and I can’t possible leave her just yet. You understand, don’t you? Here, open your present. I can’t wait until you see it.” I wasn’t aware that panic attacks. I’d really like to see that sometime. Headlines in the LA Times: PANIC ATTACKS DOCTOR’S WIFE! Kristy thought before turning her attention to her gift. Kristy lifted the small box from the table. She untied the ribbon and slowly removed the paper, wanting to savor every moment. Inside, wrapped in tissue paper, was a figurine. Kristy gently removed it from the protective tissue and held her breath when she saw what it was. In her hand she held an exquisite black panther, carved out of onyx and studded with two brilliant emeralds for eyes. “Oh, Mack! This is absolutely gorgeous! I don’t have a panther in my

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Medicinal Remedies collection, either.” “I know you don’t, Babe. I’ve been looking for just the right one for you. Old eagle eye Eleanor watches every penny so closely that it took me a long time to get enough money together to buy it.” At the mention of Eleanor, Kristy’s elation soured a bit until she took the panther to her curio cabinet and placed it with the rest of her cat collection. It was so beautiful that she placed it in the very front and center spot; right where it would be the first thing she saw when she looked in the cabinet. “You know, you’ve given me most of these cats. I told you once that I was going to start collecting cats and from then on you’ve been bringing me new ones regularly. That’s very sweet. Whenever I look at my collection I think of you.” “I know they make you happy,” Mack said. Kristy had been collecting cats for a long time. She admired the animal more than any other. She respected their independence and self-reliance, and loved their sleek, sensual forms and movements. The idea that a cat would be able to survive on its own and didn’t really need people appealed to her. Kristy wished she didn’t need people sometimes, and more than that, she wished they didn’t need her so much. “So, do you like it, Babe? I thought of you the minute I saw it. The green eyes captivated me. Just like yours did so many years ago when I first saw you in the unit. You had on a gown, mask and cap. All I could see were those beautiful eyes. Do you remember? ” “Of course I remember when we met,” Kristy said. “I love it. You knew I would. You know my taste so well.” “Great. Is dinner ready? I’m starved,” Mack said as he settled at the table and waited to be served. Kristy served the salad and warm bread while Mack uncorked the wine and poured each of them a glass. “This is great wine. I bought it on a recent trip to Solvang. Did you know there are many good wineries in that area,” asked Mack. “No. I haven’t been there,” Kristy answered. “It’s a nice place to visit. I wish I could take you. I was there for a medical conference but I had to take Ellie along. She was having a bad time with what she calls ‘agoraphobia’ and wouldn’t go out of the hotel room. I was bored to death when I wasn’t in the conference. All she’d do was sit and watch talk shows on TV.” Kristy served the pasta and debated to herself about whether or not to bring up any of her troubles to Mack. Finally, deciding that it would be permissible since he was talking about his problems to her, she began. “I’d like to get away for a vacation anywhere for a little while. Work is driving me nuts and my family is, too. My sister is pregnant and my mom is misbehaving in the nursing home. I’m getting so tired of it all. I don’t know what to take care of first.” “I have an idea. Let’s both take care of dinner and then you can take care of me, if you know what I mean,” Mack said with a twinkle in his eye and a mischievous grin on his face. Kristy felt a stab of pain and loneliness shoot through her midsection as she realized Mack had just dismissed her problems and concerns. She sat still for a moment until the feeling passed. They finished dinner with Kristy in silence and Mack chattering on and on about himself. Kristy cleared the table and started to rinse the dishes to place them in the dishwasher. Mack

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Medicinal Remedies appeared behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. “Forget those dishes, Hon. They’ll be here tomorrow but I won’t. Come and pay some attention to me. Let’s take a bubble bath.” Mack filled the spa with bubbles, lit an arrangement of candles on the counter and turned off the lights in the bathroom. He uncorked the bottle of red wine he’d brought with him and poured each of them a glass. These he sat on the ledge next to the tub. He turned to face Kristy, longing radiated from his onyx eyes. “Come here, Babe. I’ve missed you. It’s been too long.” Kristy melted into his arms as Mack smoothed her auburn hair back from her neck. He bent, and slowly began to nibble at her ear. “I’ve missed you so much. Why do we wait so long between times? I wish we could be together every day,” Mack whispered. The words he spoke were the cement that held them together. Kristy clung to them, sure that any day now he would take the big step and they’d be together forever. “Oh Mack, I’ve missed you, too. We don’t have to wait so long. I’m here for you all the time. You know that.” He wasted no more time in talking. Unbuttoning her blouse, he eased it slowly off, kissing her shoulders as he bared them. Her silky wrap skirt was next; leaving her wearing a black lace camisole, a thong, and high heels. “You’ve got such a great body, Babe. Take those off and get into the spa with me,” Mack ordered as he removed his own clothing and got into the tub. Kristy surveyed his perfect body. It was far better than most fortyyear-old men she knew. His chest was carpeted with curly black hairs that had soap bubbles clinging to them. He was muscular and firm, with broad shoulders that tapered to a narrow waist. They faced one another in the spa. Kristy sat between Mack’s spread legs with her own on either side of his waist. Mack handed her a glass or wine and they gazed at each other as they sipped the mellow liquid. Kristy placed her wine glass on the edge of the spa and rose to her knees. She laced her fingers through Mack’s curly black hair. She began kissing his forehead, eyelids, nose and on to his waiting mouth. Feeling him pressing urgently against her she said, “Not yet, Mack. I want this to last forever.” She slid to the back of the spa and motioned for him to turn around so she could massage his back. Mack positioned himself between her open legs and willingly submitted to the backrub Kristy was administering. Occasionally her hands would slide around in front of him and massage his inner thighs tantalizingly. “That’s enough. I can’t stand anymore. Come on to bed and make sure you put that black thing and those heels back on, Babe.” Mack climbed out of the tub and began to dry off. Kristy dried herself, dabbed some perfume behind her ears and between her breasts. She dressed in the black camisole, thong and heels, as Mack had instructed her to do. She brushed her auburn hair until it shone, and entered the bedroom to find Mack already in bed with the sheet pulled to his waist, a look of expectation on his face. Kristy crossed the room slowly, knowing that he was watching her every move. She turned out all the lights except the lamp on her dresser that was attached to a dimmer switch. This she turned to the setting that would best radiate a soft glow throughout the room. She then turned to face Mack.

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Medicinal Remedies “Would you like me to turn on some music?” Kristy asked as she swayed to music only she could hear. “Do you want to dance a little?” “I don’t want to dance. Come here. You’re driving me nuts, and you know it.” Kristy kicked off her heels and climbed into bed with Mack who began to immediately remove her remaining clothing. “Slow down, let’s take our time. I don’t know when I’ll get to see you again.” “I can’t slow down. It’s been too long since I’ve been with you,” Mack said as he positioned himself over Kristy. Disappointed, Kristy settled back into the pillows and opened herself to him. Their bodies merged together. The joining was familiar. They were a truly perfect match and were wonderfully in tune with one another. Kristy quickly forgot her momentary disappointment. Finally spent, they lay back together to bask in each other’s feelings of fulfillment. “That was wonderful, Hon. Just like always. We’re so good together,” said Mack as he reached over and kissed Kristy. “I’m ready for dessert now. What’d you tell me you had?” “Your favorite. Vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup,” said Kristy as she went to get their dessert. They spent the rest of the evening in pleasant companionship--eating their ice cream in bed, watching silly sit-coms on TV, and chatting during the commercials. All too soon it was time for Mack to leave. “It’s after midnight. I’ve got to go home. Eleanor won’t believe me if I’m out much longer. She’s getting suspicious lately and it’s getting harder and harder for me to get away.” Kristy remained in the bed as Mack showered. Feelings of sadness and loneliness overwhelmed her. As Mack reentered the room to dress, Kristy forced herself to smile. “I’m so glad you were able to be here tonight. Let’s try really hard to get together sooner next time. Okay, Mack?” “Sure, Babe. We will. I promise I won’t wait so long. Come here and give me a goodnight kiss. I’ve got to go.” Kristy rose and wrapped her arms around him. “I love you, Mack. You know my life stops when we’re apart. Everything else is so ordinary. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t see you.” “Oh, you’d probably meet some nice guy, get married and have a whole bunch of babies. Actually, you’d be a lot better off without me around taking up your time.” “Don’t say that. I can’t imagine my life without you,” Kristy said as she placed her hand over Mack’s mouth to prevent him from repeating those hated words. Mack gently removed her hand and kissed her softly. “Goodnight, Babe. I’ll see you again soon.” Kristy watched as Mack disappeared into the darkness. Exhaustion and despair overcame her as she stared into the night. A light that bordered the walkway illuminated one of the pink Oleander bushes that grew throughout the complex. Why does that bush make me feel so sad when I look at it? It happens every time. She closed and locked the front door. Tears streamed down her face as she turned the lights off and walked back to her bedroom.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 3 “Kristy! This is Carol. Wake up and answer your phone. I know you’re there hiding in bed with the blankets pulled up over your head. Get up and talk to me. I’m not going to let you stay in bed all day. You and I are going to go out and do something today. I’m going to be at your place in an hour.” Carol’s persistent voice on the answering machine roused Kristy from her bed. “Okay Carol. Stop yelling. I’m up. I don’t want to go anywhere. I’ve got too much to do.” “Baloney. All you’re going to do is sit at home and feel sorry for yourself because Mack isn’t there. I know you, and I know that Mack was probably there last night. I won’t take no for an answer. Make me some coffee. We’re going to Seal Beach. I’m on my way.” Kristy knew it was no use fighting Carol. She hung up the phone and reluctantly began to dress for a day out. Instinctually she knew it would probably do her good. * Kristy stood at the kitchen sink washing the dishes from the night before. The coffee had just finished brewing when the doorbell rang, immediately followed by loud knocking on the door. “Stop pounding on the door,” said Kristy as she opened it. “The neighbors are going to think there’s an emergency,”. “There will be an emergency if you tell me you’re not going with me,” said Carol. “We’re going to do some shopping and go to Nellie’s on the pier for hamburgers and shakes. It’s a good thing you’re ready.” Carol’s blonde hair was styled in a tousled, fluffy do that suited her personality. She wore huge sunglasses and gaudy earrings that matched her hand-painted tee shirt, under which she wore tight capris. Carol was forty-five years old--though she looked much younger-married with three teenage sons that kept her house in constant disorder. The disarray didn’t bother her in the least. Kristy often wondered how she could just ignore it and go off on her outings. When asked, Carol always responded that life was meant to be enjoyed and nothing was worth worrying about. “Where’s that damn cat? Is he going to jump on me like he always does? I can’t stand cats. Are you ready to go? Where’s my coffee?” “Slow down, Carol. I’m just about ready. I need to finish a few dishes and then we’ll go.” Kristy handed Carol a cup of coffee and watched her scan the house for Pooh. Carol always protested about the cat but couldn’t wait for him to jump on her lap. She would sit and stroke his soft fur and claim that he’d probably bite her if she made him get down. Kristy knew that in reality Carol loved the cat and Pooh loved Carol. As if on cue, Pooh strolled nonchalantly into the kitchen and jumped onto Carol’s lap. “You mangy thing. You always manage to find me, don’t you? So, are you ready to go shopping and then pig out at Nellie’s? I’d ask you about last night, but I’m not sure I want to hear all about the darling Dr. Grisham.” “It’s okay, Carol. I know how you feel about him so I’ll spare you all the details. Let’s just say that the situation hasn’t changed at all. Finish your

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Medicinal Remedies coffee. I’m ready to go.” Carol emptied her cup and gently put Pooh on the floor--all the while complaining loudly about the hair he shed on her. They grabbed sweaters and purses, and were out the door. “We’re going to walk up and down Main Street and go into all the little shops. We’re also going to buy anything that suits our fancy,” Carol said, giving Kristy one of her disapproving looks. “This is a ME day. We’re going to do whatever ME wants to do. Of course you don’t know what that is. You don’t ever think of yourself.” They were soon speeding down the freeway towards Seal Beach. It was chilly but Carol insisted on driving with the top down on her convertible. She was oblivious to the wind blowing her own blonde hair, which was becoming more tousled by the minute. Kristy was glad she’d brought her sweater and a scarf for her hair. “So, what happened? Why’d you get called off last night? When we left we had several really sick patients,” asked Kristy. “Oh, they all died,” Carol said nonchalantly. “The census is real low again. The weather is getting warmer and people aren’t getting sick. Wait until it gets really smoggy. We’ll get all the lungers and have a bunch on ventilators for awhile.” “You know it bothers me when I hear you talk like that. Sometimes you sound so callous. Don’t you care about those old people suffering for so long in the ICU just to die anyway?” “Of course I do,” answered Carol. “I just care differently. I give my patients the best nursing care that I can, but I leave them in the hospital when my shift is over.” “I can’t get them out of my mind. All those old wrinkled faces, and those debilitated bodies going through pain and discomfort,” said Kristy. “That’s what makes you so stressed all the time. I separate myself from them. I’ve worked for over twenty years. I just can’t internalize all that pain and suffering.” “Intellectually I know you’re right, but emotionally I can’t do it,” said Kristy. “I take everyone home with me in my mind. I wake up thinking about my patients. Sometimes I even call the hospital to check on them.” “I know you do, and you need to stop doing that.” Kristy ignored Carol’s comment, and tied her scarf tighter around her hair. “I just don’t understand why we insist on trying to save all these really old people that don’t have a chance of returning to a quality level of life. We treat our animals better. At least we put them out of their misery when they’re sick and old.” “Look, I don’t have any answers, except you and I can’t do a damn thing about it, so why worry ourselves into an early grave?” asked Carol. “Who says we can’t do anything about it?” asked Kristy. “There must be something we can do.” “Well, there isn’t,” Carol replied. “The American public will eventually get tired of being treated this way. Things will change. In the meantime, you need to learn to do the best you can while you’re there, but give it a rest when you go home.” They settled back into silence and continued their drive to Seal Beach. It was a beautiful California day. The air was clear, the temperature in the seventies, the sun was shining, and there was very little traffic. Just the kind of day that drew visitors to want to move to Southern California.

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Medicinal Remedies “I love Seal Beach,” Carol said as she turned onto Main Street and started looking for a parking spot. “It has such a small town atmosphere. I wish Bob and I could afford to buy a house here.” “There. I think that man is getting ready to back out,” said Kristy as she pointed to a car parked in front of a bookstore. They parked the car and entered the store. Kristy headed for the murder mystery novels and Carol made a beeline for the cookbooks. Kristy systematically pulled one after another from the shelf. She’d look at the front cover, read the back, and then open to the first page of the book. None of them hooked her enough to turn the page. She wandered to the cookbook section and stood quietly until Carol noticed her. “Ready? Aren’t you going to get a book?” Carol asked. “No. I didn’t see any new ones that interested me.” The next shop was filled with country style hand made items. Carol purchased a wreath for her door. Kristy left empty handed. “Why didn’t you buy one of those little ceramic kittens for you collection?” asked Carol. “I liked them but thought they were overpriced,” answered Kristy. “Look at those blouses,” Carol said, running towards the next shop. “I’ve got to have one.” The blouses were horribly gaudy hand painted tee shirts in brilliant colors, perfect for Carol, but Kristy wouldn’t have worn them even in the privacy of her own home. Carol had great difficulty deciding which she couldn’t live without. Kristy browsed disinterestedly through the sale rack until she came across an emerald green sweater that she instantly fell in love with. It was made of the softest cashmere and had a sexy low cut neckline accented with seed pearls. The sleeves were three quarter length and the sweater had a tightly ribbed bottom that would have shown off Kristy’s tiny waist. It was marked down in price. Kristy held it up and looked in the mirror longingly. “That sweater is you,” Carol said. “It looks great with your red hair and green eyes. You have to get it.” Kristy quickly put the sweater back on the rack. “Did you choose a blouse?” Kristy asked. “I’m hungry. Let’s go get a hamburger at Nellie’s.” Carol eyed Kristy curiously. “Aren’t you going to buy that? You’ll be sorry if you don’t.” “I’m not really sure I like it. Besides, where would I wear it?” “There are a lot of places you can wear it. It’s a bargain. You shouldn’t pass it up,” said Carol. “I don’t want it. Come on, I’m hungry,” Kristy said irritably and headed for the door. They continued down Main Street and entered the pier. A tram was shuttling people back and forth to the restaurant on the end, but Kristy and Carol opted to walk. Fishermen lined the sides of the pier and surfers in wet suits jockeyed for space in the water. Sea gulls soared overhead, diving now and then for tidbits thrown them from people on the pier. The sun was shining brightly and the air smelled of saltwater. Fishing boats dotted the horizon and an occasional sailboat skimmed along. The outline of Catalina Island was visible in the distance. A waitress dressed in a 1950’s style starched uniform and apron greeted them at the entrance to Nellie’s. She seated them in a booth by the window. The tabletops were Formica and the seats were covered in stiff red

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Medicinal Remedies plastic. Rock and roll music played in the background. Menus described patty melt sandwiches, hamburgers, bacon lettuce and tomato sandwiches, French fries and hot fudge sundaes for dessert. The only deviations from 1950 were a Southern California style vegetarian sandwich, several salad choices, wine, and beer. They placed their orders, received their wine, and then settled back to talk. “Be honest with me. Why didn’t you want that sweater?” asked Carol. “Promise you won’t give me one of your lectures.” “Okay, I promise.” “I didn’t buy the sweater or anything else because I’ve got to save money so I can start sending more to Laura. She’s going to need it now that she’s pregnant.” “Why are you always rescuing her?” asked Carol. “She’s supposed to take care of herself. I’m worried about you. You’re too stressed lately.” “I’m fine, Carol. You don’t need to worry.” “Look, I’m your friend. I remember when you got so depressed that other time and....” Kristy interrupted, “I’m fine now. That won’t ever happen again.” “Okay. I believe you. But what about abortion? If she can’t afford this baby, that’s always an option.” “Oh no it’s not! Laura and I would never do that. We don’t believe in abortion under any circumstances.” “Forget I said that. Anyway, why can’t she work? Lots of women work when they’re pregnant. Remember Lerma? She worked the night shift and her water broke during change of shift report, so she went right from work to the labor room.” “Laura isn’t strong like Lerma. She’s sick, nauseated and tired. Besides, she’s been looking for a job for months and hasn’t found anything. It’s up to me. We’re family and family takes care of one another.” “I give up. You’re impossible. Here’s our food. I’m starved,” said Carol. They passed the rest of the day without mentioning Kristy’s problems again. All too soon the pleasant afternoon came to an end and it was time to go home. * Kristy checked her answering machine as soon as she got home and found three messages awaiting her. She wasn’t at all surprised to hear Laura’s voice on the first message. “Where are you, Kristy? I can’t stop worrying about how I’m going to take care of a baby and myself. What are we going to do? Please call me as soon as you get in so we can talk.” The second message was from the hospital. “Hi Kristy. This is Alison from Memorial. We’ve had several sick calls for tonight and were wondering if you wanted an extra shift for overtime. I know it’s your day off, but I thought I’d give it a try. Call me when you get home.” This couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ll get double-time pay for tonight. I’m tired, but I better work it. The voice on the third message wasn’t one that Kristy recognized. “I’m assuming the Kristy on the recorded message is Kristina Petersen. You don’t know me, but I know you’ve heard all about me. The funny part is,

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Medicinal Remedies I’m sure you think I don’t know about you. Well, I do know all about you and I have for years. This is Eleanor. Ellie Grisham, Mack’s wife. I’m sure he’s told you all kinds of lies about me. One of his favorites is that I have agoraphobia. If you actually did know me you’d know how ridiculous that is. I’m not afraid of anything, including losing Mack. He’ll never leave me, despite what he tells you. He’s happy with his life the way it is. And, he’s about to become even happier. I’m pregnant after all these years of trying. I think it was that lovely romantic weekend we spent in Solvang. Anyway, I wanted to let you know so you could bow out of Mack’s life gracefully. I tolerated your existence when it was just Mack and I, but I will not tolerate it after the baby comes in seven months. Say goodbye any way you can, but make it quick. So long, Kristina, I hope I never have to contact you again.” The searing knife like pain that hit Kristy in the pit of her stomach doubled her over. Waves of sorrow overcame her. She sank to the floor in a crumpled heap and began to sob. Lies, all lies. How could he have told me all the things he did all this time? How could I be so gullible? She rose to her feet and slowly walked to the china cabinet. She reached inside and took out the panther Mack had given her the night before. She opened the front door of her condo and threw the panther as far as she could. It landed somewhere under the pink Oleander bush. She immediately regretted her rashness and ran out the door to search for the cat. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she crawled on her hands and knees and clawed through leaves and debris under the bush. She’d almost given up when she felt the cold hardness of the onyx panther. Clutching it to her breast with both hands, she stumbled back to her condo, closed the door and bolted the world out. She reached into her hiding place at the back of the kitchen cupboard and took out the bottle hidden there. She glanced at the still blinking lights of the answering machine and poured the first of many glasses of vodka.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 4 “Pay attention, guys. I want to finish shift report so I can go home,” said Carmen, the day shift charge nurse. “Sorry, we’ll listen now,” said Carol. “Mrs. Arnold is in room 305. She was admitted early this morning with chest pains. It doesn’t look like she’s had an MI. Probably just gastric problems. She’s stable. Room 306 is empty.” “Where’d Mr. Jonas go?” asked Carol. “Transferred to the floor. We still have Mrs. Henry in 307. You all know her, don’t you?” “Gina doesn’t,” offered Carol. “Briefly, she’s an eighty-two year old lady who lived alone and apparently had a stroke. She fell, broke her hip, and was wedged between the bathtub and toilet for about two days before anyone found her. You can imagine the mess she was in. Anyway, she’s in a coma, on a respirator, and has a ton of IV lines. She’s getting dialysis because her kidneys failed.” “Where’s her family?” Carmen continued, “The only family she has is an elderly sister--Mrs. Johansen--who looks like she’s about ninety. The sister wanted to let Mrs. Henry die, but the doctors refuse to give up. I don’t know what they think they’re going to salvage. That’s it, folks. End of shift report. Hurry and make your assignments so we can go home. It’s been a busy day.” Kristy sat, quietly doodling circles on the note pad in front of her. She didn’t join in with the other nurses as they discussed the patients they wanted to take care of for the night. She didn’t care who she had as a patient. She hadn’t really cared about anything for the last five months--since Eleanor Grisham’s message. Kristy now lived in a world shrouded in a fog of despair and depression. She went through the motions of life but didn’t participate in it. She kept her promise to Laura to help her financially, and was grateful for the opportunity to throw herself completely into her work. This helped her avoid dealing with Mack, who called weekly trying to get Kristy to see him. “Are you listening, Kristy?” asked Carol, who had all but given up trying to jolt Kristy out of her long-term depression. “Do you want to take Mrs. Henry in 307?” “That’s fine. I’m tired and I’ve taken care of her several times so I can go on auto-pilot tonight,” Kristy said as she rose from her chair and left the office. Carol watched her leave the room. She glanced at Gina, and the two exchanged questioning looks with one another. Kristy checked Mrs. Henry’s chart for new doctor’s orders, reviewed the medications she would need to give during her shift, and then entered the patient’s room to evaluate her. “Hi, Mrs. Henry. I’m Kristy. May I call you Olive? I feel like I know you so well. I’m just going to check you over now and see how you’re doing. I won’t hurt you. I promise. I’d never hurt anyone I care for. I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I want you to feel safe in my care.” She worked in silence while listening to the routine ICU noises. Ventilators whooshed, oxygen tubing hissed, high pitched whistling sounds could be heard from suction machines, monitor bells rang, and all these noises were interspersed with conversations and phones ringing. Mrs. Henry had been lying in a comatose state for days. She was

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Medicinal Remedies bloated and unrecognizable from fluids shifting from her blood vessels into her tissues. Her arms were a mass of bruises from attempts to draw blood and start intravenous lines. The skin on her back was open and sores had developed from lying in bed so long in her debilitated state. Her toes and fingers were turning blue from all the medications she was receiving to keep her alive. The unmistakable scent of rotting flesh mixed with the sweet smell of pseudomonas infected tissues permeated Kristy’s nostrils. “I’ll be right back, Olive. Your IV bottle of dobutamine is almost empty so I need to go mix another. Dobutamine is used to keep your blood pressure up,” Kristy explained to the nonresponsive old woman. “It keeps falling, so we need to keep it as normal as possible until we can get your lungs healed so you can get off the respirator.” Kristy left Mrs. Henry’s room in order to get the medication. She grabbed a bag of dextrose and water from the shelf in the medication room and attached a label to it. She filled the label in with the name of the drug, the dosage, date and time, and then signed her name. She pulled open the medication drawer that usually held the dobutamine, and found it was empty. “Why the hell doesn’t anyone ever reorder drugs when they use the last dose? Every time I go to get something I need, the drawer is empty,” Kristy fumed to no one in particular and everyone in general. “People around here are so inconsiderate. I’ll have to go to the pharmacy to get some.” Carol raised her eyebrows at Gina. Neither one was anxious to respond to Kristy and take a chance on becoming the object of her frustrations. Her outbursts were becoming more frequent and her coworkers felt at a loss to deal with them. Kristy hurried down the stairwell to the hallway that led to the basement pharmacy. She kept her eyes focused on her feet as she rushed along, ignoring anyone she happened to pass. She reached the pharmacy window and rang the bell, then stood impatiently waiting for someone to respond. “I need some dobutamine STAT for Mrs. Henry in 307. There wasn’t any in her medication drawer or in the stock drawer in ICU. I don’t understand why you people can’t keep on top of this.” Rosie, the pharmacist apologized, “You guys have been going through buckets of this stuff. I just stocked yesterday. I’m sorry you ran out.” “We can’t run out,” Kristy said. “Our patients that are on it will die if they’re without it. You know that. Please hurry.” Suddenly, the telephone operator began frantically paging over the intercom, “CODE PINK, EMERGENCY ROOM. CODE PINK, EMERGENCY ROOM. CODE GRAY, EMERGENCY ROOM. CODE GRAY, EMERGENCY ROOM.” “I don’t know what the hell is going on down there but I’m on codes, so I’ve got to go. Do me a favor. Call Carol and tell her I’m on the way to the code. Oh yeah, deliver the dobutamine up to Carol.” “A thank you would be nice,” Rosie said to Kristy’s departing back. * I can’t imagine what’s going on down there. A CODE PINK and a CODE GRAY at the same time? Kristy mused as she hurried along. She knew that a CODE PINK meant an infant or young child had come into the ER in grave condition, and a CODE GRAY meant they had some kind of a security problem. Usually, a CODE GRAY was a combative patient, either drunk or on drugs. How the two went together, she couldn’t figure out.

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Medicinal Remedies She entered the code room in the ER and found it overflowing with people. On the gurney in the center of the room was a young boy. He had a huge bump on his head that had been bleeding. He was awake, but was dazed and staring at the ceiling. Two security guards and two male housekeepers were restraining a large man against the wall. The man was fighting them and cursing in foul language. “What’s going on here, Brenda? I’m on codes tonight. What do you need me to do?” Kristy asked, not understanding why a code had been called. “We really don’t need you now, but thanks for coming. The paramedics brought in the kid. He was unconscious and having trouble breathing. He’s coming around now, though.” “What happened to him?” Kristy asked. “The man up against the wall happens to be the kid’s dad. The kid hadn’t cleaned his room up like dad told him to so dad punched him around a little. He smacked the kid’s head against the edge of the dresser. Mom called the paramedics so dad punched her around, too.” As Kristy listened to Brenda, she thought of her childhood and all the times her father had beaten her and then beaten her mother when she intervened. She thought she was going to be ill, and began to back away from Brenda. Brenda continued, “He followed the paramedics here and now wants to take the kid home. He’s not very happy about the fact that the police are on their way and that we’ve reported him for child abuse. At least the little boy is safe. We’re going to be sending him to Children’s Hospital.” “I’m going back upstairs then.” “Okay. Thanks. We’ll try not to bother you any more tonight,” Brenda said. The ICU was in a frenzy when Kristy returned. The nurses were in high gear, monitors were alarming, and visitors were all over the place. Carol threw a questioning look Kristy’s way as she ran to the linen cart for washcloths and towels. “No admit, Carol. It’s a kid and he’s okay, so they’re sending him to Children’s.” “Good. We can’t handle anything else right now, anyway. Everything’s gone wrong at once. And, each patient has a visitor and they all want to know what their family member’s temperature is. Can you believe it? We’re trying to keep these people alive and all they can focus on is their temperature. I hung your dobutamine on Mrs. Henry. You’d left the bag on the counter. Her sister is in with her.” Mrs. Henry was lying in the same position as when Kristy left the unit. Her elderly sister stood quietly at her bedside, holding her hand. “Hi, Mrs. Johansen. I’m Kristy, your sister’s nurse. There hasn’t been any change in her condition since I’ve been caring for her the past few days. Can I answer any questions for you?” The elderly woman turned alert, piercing blue eyes on Kristy, who was struck by the contradiction in those eyes being part of such a fragile looking old woman. “Yes, dear. Hopefully you can answer just one question for me. Just how much longer does my beloved sister have to lie here in this horrible condition?” “I’m sorry but I don’t have the answer to that question. She’s on life support and her doctor doesn’t want to take her off. He feels that she has a good chance of getting better. Why don’t you talk to her? She may be able to

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Medicinal Remedies hear what you’re saying.” “No, dear. She doesn’t hear a thing. You and I both know that. I’m going home now. My sister is gone. There is but a shell of her former being lying in that bed. Please call me when she is officially gone so I can make all the proper arrangements,” Mrs. Johansen said as she picked up her cane and turned to leave. “I thank you for all your tender care. I realize you nurses are caught in the middle of all of this.” * Kristy gathered her supplies together to give Mrs. Henry a bed bath. She returned to the bedside and busied herself with preparations before looking at the heart and blood pressure monitors. When she did, she was surprised to note that they were both lower than they’d been earlier. She turned the rate up on the dobutamine, but when she glanced again at the monitor the heart rate and blood pressure were even lower. Startled, she turned the rate on the dobutamine up even higher. As soon as she did, the heart rate and blood pressure dropped even lower. “Carol. Come here, quick. Mrs. Henry’s BP is dropping and her heart rate is down. Grab some atropine for me, please.” Carol came running with the atropine. Kristy gave it intravenously and waited for the expected effect of increased heart rate. Instead, the rate dropped even lower. “We’d better call a code. We’re losing her. I don’t know what’s wrong. She’s been so stable.” “Her sister was just here. Maybe she figures the time is right to go now. Let’s call a code, but let’s make it a slow one,” said Carol as she pushed the code button. “What do you mean, make it a slow one?” Kristy asked. “She’s a full code. We have to do everything. Dr. McDonald thinks she’s going to recover.” Kristy ran for the code blue cart which was filled with emergency drugs. Dr. Spencer, the short, arrogant ER doctor entered the room. “What’s the history on this one? Have you given epinephrine and atropine yet?” Dr. Spencer asked. Kristy confirmed the medications had been given and then summarized Mrs. Henry’s history for him. “Why the hell are we doing all of this? She’s not going to survive. Dr. McDonald is living in his usual dream world,” Dr. Spencer said as he seated himself in a recliner in the corner of the patient’s room. “Give a few more drugs and make sure you record well. We’ll wrap this up in a few minutes.” The nurses and respiratory therapists continued the code for ten more minutes, after which Dr. Spencer ordered them to a halt. The monitor showed no heart rhythm and no blood pressure. “That’s it. Put the time on the code sheet. Let me sign it so I can get back to the ER. Business is booming down there tonight.” The respiratory therapists turned off the ventilator and gathered their equipment up to clean. The rest of the nurses went to care for their own patients. Kristy was left alone with Mrs. Henry. What happened? She was so stable. Her blood pressure hadn’t changed in days. What was so different about tonight? Was Carol right? Was it because here sister was here and wasn’t going to come back again? Did Mrs. Henry somehow know?

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Medicinal Remedies Kristy thoughtfully went about her final duties with Mrs. Henry. She gently removed all the invasive lines and tubes in her frail body, washed her and dressed her in a clean hospital gown. When she finished, she called Mrs. Johansen to let her know her sister had suddenly died. “I’m not surprised. It makes sense. I told her goodbye tonight. She knew I wouldn’t be back, and I’m all she had. I don’t have a mortuary picked yet. Can I call you tomorrow when I’m better able to make arrangements?” “That will be fine,” Kristy said. “You can call tomorrow with the information. Call the hospital and ask to speak to the nursing supervisor. Again, I’m very sorry for your loss.” “Thank you for caring for her,” Mrs. Johansen said. “You’re very kind.” Kristy’s next call was to page the hospital transportation orderly to take Mrs. Henry to the morgue. She glanced around the unit, then put her head in her hands and sighed a deep sigh of despair. “Kristy? Do you want to go home when you complete your paperwork?” asked Carol, with concern in her voice. “ER doesn’t have any admits for us. You can go home on call if you want. I know how tired you are. Kristy? What do you think?” “Thanks, Carol. I do want to go home. I just don’t understand what happened to Mrs. Henry. I need some sleep.” Kristy completed her paperwork and computer entries, and then went to gather Mrs. Henry’s medications to send back to the pharmacy. Sitting on the medication desk was a full box of stock dobutamine. Kristy placed the drugs in the medication drawer. “I’m going now, Carol. I’ve finished everything. Call me if you need me, otherwise I’ll see you tomorrow night,” Kristy called out as she reached into the cupboard for her purse and jacket. * Kristy felt uncomfortable while crossing the deserted employee parking lot. It was the middle of the night. Anyone could be waiting for someone to come out of the hospital alone. She climbed into her small car and locked the doors behind her. As soon as the engine turned over and she was backing out of her parking space, she felt safer. Something else was bothering her, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. The drive home was quick at that time of night and she was soon safely in her own home. The lights on the answering machine beckoned to her. “Kristy, it’s Mack. Call me. I’m going crazy. I don’t understand why you won’t see me. Please, we’ve got to talk. Call me at my office tomorrow.” Call me at my office. Well, that’s typical. He is most certainly still with Ellie or he would have me call him at home. Forget him. I don’t need him in my life. “Where are you, Pooh? I’m home and I’ve had a terrible night. I need to hold you. Come out from wherever you’re hiding.” Pooh appeared from the side of the refrigerator. He gazed at Kristy, winked one eye, and then stretched languorously. “There you are you rotten cat. Come here,” Kristy said while reaching for the cat. “I need something warm and fuzzy to make me feel better. Let’s have a little wine.” She carried him to the refrigerator, opened the bottle of wine she found there, and poured some into a glass she kept chilled in the freezer. She walked into the living room carrying both cat and glass of wine, and turned

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Medicinal Remedies the jets on to her gas fireplace. She curled up in an overstuffed chair, sipped at the wine, absently stroked Pooh’s soft fur and gazed thoughtfully into the fire. What is it about Mrs. Henry’s dying that bothers me so much? It isn’t as if it were unexpected. We’ve all been hoping the poor old soul would pass on soon and be released from the misery she’s been in. What’s bothering me? Kristy was on her way to the refrigerator to refill her wine glass when suddenly she realized what it was. Oh my God! I didn’t put any dobutamine in that bottle Carol hung while I was gone. She thought there was dobutamine in it, but there wasn’t. There was a full box of stock dobutamine on the counter. No wonder Mrs. Henry went so fast. It was my fault. I killed her! Kristy paced back and forth across the floor of her small living room. She felt physically ill knowing that a huge error on her part had killed another human being. She was on the verge of panic when she realized that she had to have someone there with her who would understand. Mack. I’ve got to call Mack. Oh, I hope to God he’s on call tonight. He’ll come if I ask him to, I know he will. Kristy reached for the phone and dialed the number she knew all too well. “Dr. Grisham’s answering service. May I help you?” “Is Dr. Mack on tonight? This is Kristy Petersen.” “Yes. Dr. Grisham is taking his calls. What hospital are you calling from?” “I’m not calling from any hospital. Just tell him Kristy is calling and needs to talk to him. Please tell him it’s an emergency. He knows the number.” Kristy hung up and flopped onto the floor in front of the fireplace. She clutched a pillow to her abdomen to try to alleviate the pain that continued to stab at her. She stared into the fire and waited for the phone to ring. When it did, she jumped as if surprised at the intrusion. “Hello? This is Kristy.” “This is Dr. Grisham. I understand this is an emergency. What’s the problem?” “Mack, oh Mack. I killed my patient tonight. It was a complete accident but I killed her just the same. I’ve got to talk to you. I don’t know what to do.” “I’ll be right there. Set up for an arterial line and a Swan Ganz catheter. We may need a pacemaker, too. Also, get all the STAT lab work drawn that I normally order. I’ll be there within the hour.” Kristy knew from all the phony directions Mack was giving that he was probably in bed with Ellie and that she was listening to every word he said. It didn’t matter though. He was on his way to her and she would soon be safe. She returned to sit in front of the fireplace, knees drawn up to her chest. Soon. Mack would be there soon to help her feel better. Everything was going to be all right.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 5 The caution that comes with living in the suburbs of the sprawling metropolis of Los Angeles compelled Kristy to ask who was on the other side of her door when the knock came at three AM. “It’s me. Who else could it be at this hour?” came Mack’s muffled reply. Kristy threw open the door and said, “I’m so glad to see you. You’re the only person I can trust with this.” “What on earth can possibly be so important that you called in the middle of the night? I’ve been trying to get to you for five months without any success.” “I know, Mack. I’m sorry. I was just so hurt when Ellie called me and left the message about the baby.” “Ellie called you?” “Yes, but I don’t want to talk about that now. Sit down so I can tell you what happened tonight.” Mack sat on the couch and listened as Kristy related the story of Mrs. Henry’s death. He slowly shook his head from side to side as she finished. “Whatever gave you the idea that you killed her? So you forgot to put the medication in the bag. Big deal! You didn’t kill her.” “Are you sure, Mack? You really don’t think I killed her?” “She would have died earlier but her life was being artificially prolonged,” Mack said while looking intently into Kristy’s eyes. “You did that lady and her elderly sister a big favor. You ended both of their misery.” “I trust you, Mack. I really do, but I just don’t feel right about this. She’d still be alive if I’d put the medication in the bag.” “Listen Kristy. That lady couldn’t possibly have gone on much longer. Besides, you said yourself that her sister had told her goodbye. That’s probably why she died. It was just a coincidence that you forgot the dobutamine. Just keep thinking about how much better off she is now. I don’t want to hear any more about this. It shouldn’t concern you at all.” “Really? Do you really think she would have died anyway?” Kristy asked. “I feel so bad...like a murderess.” “Well you’re not, so forget it. Anyway, I’m glad it happened. We’re finally together again and I’ve got the rest of the night. Please tell me I can stay.” Mack looked imploringly at Kristy. She could feel her prior resolve melting away as she looked into his sparkling onyx eyes. She had know this would happen if they ever came face to face, which was why she’d refused to see him all those months. What on earth is wrong with me? Why am I so weak? This relationship is all wrong and no good will ever come of it. I need to push him out the door right now before it’s too late. “Please let me stay. Everything will work out, you’ll see. As soon as the baby comes and Eleanor is able to take care of herself and the baby, then you and I can be together. I just can’t leave her now. You understand, don’t you?” Mack asked as he reached a tentative hand to caress her cheek. “No, I don’t understand and I probably never will, but you can stay tonight. I’ve missed you so much. These last months have been hell for me. I’ve been working so much overtime that I’m exhausted.” “Go on,” Mack said. “Tell me more. I’m here for you.” “No matter how much money I send Laura she wants more. She calls

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Medicinal Remedies me just about every day with some new problem. Mom is causing more and more problems in the nursing home. They call me all the time, too, since they can’t get anywhere with Laura.” Kristy paused and ran her fingers through her hair. “I feel like I’m on a carousel that keeps going faster and faster and I can’t get off.” “See? You need me. If you’d answered my calls I’d have been here to help you through all of this. Don’t you understand that I want to be here for you, Babe?” Mack asked convincingly. “Mack. What you say and what you do are two different things. For years you’ve been saying that you want us to be together and for years you’ve been putting it off. And now, Ellie’s pregnant. How could you have let that happen if you want to have a life with me?” “It happened because I was thinking of you. That weekend I had to take Ellie with me to Solvang all I could think about was you. I wanted you there with me, not Eleanor. So, I had too much to drink at dinner and when we got back to the hotel it just happened. Come on now. Let’s go to bed. You’re exhausted and it’s been so long since I’ve slept beside you.” They rose together and Mack gently guided Kristy to the bedroom, turning off the lights as they went. He pulled the covers back on the bed and helped her get undressed, then undressed himself. “Where’s the massage oil?” Mack asked. “You need a backrub.” Finding the oil in exactly the same spot it had been in five months earlier, Mack poured some into his palm and motioned for Kristy to lie on her stomach. Deftly, he began massaging her neck and shoulders. “Boy, your muscles are tight. Some of these knots are going to take awhile to massage out. I’m sorry if it hurts a little.” Just a little? This hurts like hell. I didn’t realize how tense I was. These last five months have really done me in. Something has got to give or I’m going to crack up. “Okay, Babe. Roll over. That’s long enough. My hands are about to wear out and I’ve still got more I want to do with them. You just lie still. I’m going to do all the work tonight. I want to make sure I make such and impression on you that you’ll never refuse to see me again.” Mack tantalizingly ran one finger across Kristy’s eyebrow and down her cheek. He cupped her face with both hands and gently kissed her closed eyelids, the tip of her nose, then her waiting mouth. Slowly, with feather light strokes, he caressed her entire body until she began to tingle all over. Moaning in sheer pleasure at the tactile stimulation, Kristy began to move sensuously. “Lay still, Babe. I’m not through with you yet,” Mack said as he began to nibble at her neck and ear. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to Kristy, they began to make love. Somehow it was different than any other time. There was more feeling and tenderness than before. Kristy wanted these moments of perfection to last forever. “Kristy, I want you to know that I love you just as much as I ever have. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that we aren’t able to be together all the time. You need to believe that, Babe. We will be someday, I promise you.”

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 6 Oleanders bloomed white, red and various shades of pink along the center divider of California Interstate 99. Heat rose from the pavement ahead and the fields to either side were brown and dry. Kristy touched the car window with her palm and felt the tremendous heat outside. It was late August, a terrible time for a baby to be born and go home to a house without air conditioning. I’m going to have to buy them a window unit. Laura can’t bring little Ronnie home to this heat without it. I don’t think my VISA is up to the limit yet. I guess I’d better call before I try to charge anything else with it. It could be embarrassing. The baby had been born the day before. Laura called Kristy at work to tell her that she’d had to take a cab to the hospital. Her labor was just a few short hours and Ronnie popped into the world a plump, squalling, and hungry infant. Kristy couldn’t understand why Laura had insisted on naming him after his father who’d disappeared at the first mention of Laura’s pregnancy, but decided it wasn’t worth arguing about. She never won any disagreements she had with people anyway. No one accepts my opinions on anything but they sure are quick to accept my help and my money. I don’t know why I can’t say no. Here I am again--driving to Sacramento to help Laura after I’ve just finished working seven shifts in a row. * The rest of the drive passed in a blur and an exhausted Kristy pulled into the hospital parking lot at dusk. She entered the lobby and was directed to Laura’s room by an elderly volunteer wearing a stiffly starched, coral colored smock. Laura was sitting quietly in bed watching television when Kristy entered. “Thank God you’re here,” Laura said. “This place is so boring I’m ready to pull my hair out. All I hear is screaming babies. I had no idea they were so loud.” “That’s some greeting. Whatever happened to ‘Hi Kristy. I’m glad to see you. How was your drive?’” “Oh yeah. Sorry. How was your drive? Your look tired.” “I am tired. In fact, I’m exhausted. It’s hotter than Hades out there. Where’s the baby?” Laura motioned to a closed drawer next to her bed. “He’s in there. It goes into the nursery. I put him in when I’m finished feeding him and the nurses take care of him while I rest. Too bad I can’t take them home with me. Go ahead, pull open the drawer. You can get him ready to go home. His clothes are in the diaper bag on the counter.” Kristy opened the drawer and looked in. For an instant the world stopped turning. There, wrapped in a blue receiving blanket, was the most perfect little creature ever placed on the earth. His enormous, sky blue eyes were open and he seemed to be looking right at her. Fuzzy red hair covered his tiny head and his upturned nose was an exact miniature of hers. His cupid’s bow mouth was pursed as if he were contemplating a very deep issue. Both hands were clenched into wee fists. Kristy reached in gently and picked up the little miracle. “What do you think? He doesn’t look related to me at all. He’s the

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Medicinal Remedies spitting image of you. I guess all my genes are recessive or something,” Laura said as she wandered around gathering her belongings together. “I think he is the most beautiful, the most perfect, the most precious child ever born. That’s what I think,” Ronnie’s enraptured aunt said. “Give me a break! You won’t think he’s so wonderful at three in the morning when he decides he’s hungry. Come on, let’s get out of here,” Laura said as she turned the call light on for the nurse. “Are you ready to leave us now, Mrs. Petersen?” asked the nurse upon entering the room. “It’s MISS Petersen, and yes, I’m more than ready to leave this dump!” Kristy frowned at her sister. “Laura! That isn’t nice.” “She’s tired and ready to go home,” Kristy explained to the nurse. “It took longer for me to get here than she would have liked. Thanks so much for caring for her and the baby.” “This place IS a dump but it’s the only one that will take my Medi-Cal,” Laura said as Kristy and the nurse exchanged sympathetic glances. * Ronnie was soon nestled into the car seat Kristy had purchased for him, and a grumbling Laura was helped into the car. Laura complained all the way home about her growing list of problems while Ronnie slept contentedly in the back. Kristy turned her head to the back at each stoplight to check on him. He made faces in his sleep and occasional little gurgles and groans. “You know, I just don’t ever seem to have enough money. I can’t buy myself a thing, but I sure would like to as soon as the rest of this baby fat comes off. Every extra penny has gone to buy stuff for this baby. When will it be my turn?” “In about eighteen years,” said Kristy. “That’s just terrific.” “You should have thought of that before you got pregnant. There are lots of ways to prevent unwanted babies.” “Oh yeah, Miss Chastity. You’re just lucky you haven’t gotten pregnant all these years you’ve been sleeping with Dr. Wonderful.” “I don’t know why I try to help you. All you do is give me grief and make me feel unappreciated. Do you have any idea how many extra shifts I’ve worked so I can keep sending you money? I’ve had to put my life on hold for you, you know.” “I’m sorry, Kristy. Sometimes I can be a real bitch. Let’s have a truce, okay? I do appreciate what you do for me. I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been lonely.” Kristy reached over and squeezed Laura’s hand. “Why don’t you think about moving in with me?” Kristy asked. “We could sell your house, sell my condo and get a place big enough for all of us.” “No way! First of all, how can we sell Mom and Dad’s house?” “Laura, it would really help me out. I wouldn’t have to worry about you all of the time and it would be better financially to have one household to support.” Laura sighed and looked out the window. “I don’t think it would be a good idea for us to live together.” Kristy looked puzzled. “Why not? We get along fairly well when we make the effort.”

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Medicinal Remedies “We do?” Laura laughed. “That’s news to me. Besides, we’d cramp each other’s style.” “Perhaps if you’d had someone around to ‘cramp your style’ a bit, you wouldn’t be in the fix you’re in right now.” Laura rolled her eyes. “Here you go again. Being the mother. Are you going to send me to my room when we get home?” “Speaking of Mom...we could move her to a nursing home I know of close to my hospital and we’d be a family again,” Kristy continued. “Yes but this house is home, the only home I’ve ever known. I feel Mom and Dad’s presence there all the time. I can’t leave Sacramento. I’ve never understood how you could leave,” said Laura. “I don’t have a lot of happy memories here. Our childhood wasn’t idyllic, you know. Have you chosen to forget the raging battles Mom and Dad used to get into when Dad was drinking? Don’t you remember how we could never bring our friends home because we never knew if Dad would be on a binge or not?” “Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad. There were good times, too. Remember how we’d go on picnics by the river and fish all day long?” Laura asked. Kristy glanced again at Ronnie, who continued to sleep despite their raised voices. “There weren’t many good times. Even when he was sober we couldn’t bring friends in because the house was so filthy. Don’t you remember how I’d spend hours cleaning only to have the place look like a pigsty again the next day?” “Yeah. I remember, but I try to forget,” Laura said quietly. “You caught the brunt of it, I know you did. You had to put up with that other thing, too. Dad never bothered me.” “That’s right. Let’s call that other thing by the proper name. My father molested me. Over and over. It was abuse--mental, sexual and physical.” “Kristy, I’m sorry. I just don’t remember a lot of things.” “Maybe you don’t remember as much because you’re younger. You were only in junior high when Dad got cancer and you were just a freshman when Mom had her car accident. You seem to have forgotten that I made a home for us after that and got us both through high school and me through nursing school. We had a good home then. It was neat and clean and somewhere that we could bring our friends. Don’t I get any credit?” “Of course you do, Kristy. I’m really sorry. I appreciate all you did.” They passed the rest of the drive in silence. Kristy realized it would never work for Laura to move in with her. It was a lousy idea. They would be at each other’s throats constantly. Things had changed too much since they’d lived together as children. * The little house was hot and stuffy when they entered. Kristy opened all the windows and turned on fans to cool it off as best she could. Laura settled Ronnie in his bassinet in what had once been their parent’s bedroom and was now the nursery. Kristy carried in their suitcases and placed hers in her old bedroom. It looked just as it always had. Blue flowered wallpaper on the walls, white lace curtains at the window, a white chenille bedspread on the bed, and the familiar multi-colored braided rug on the polished wooden floor.

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Medicinal Remedies Kristy sat down on her bed and looked at the rug. She remembered the hours spent with her mother and Laura, tearing scrap fabric into long strips that her mother had braided together. Laura had been so tiny that her little hands found it too difficult to tear the fabric, so her job was picking the colors to tie together. Once the braids were made, her mother carefully rolled and sewed them together to make the large oval rug that almost covered the floor. It had taken one whole winter to make the rug. Daddy had been gone most of the time on a job that took him out of state. Kristy’s eyes grew misty as she thought of how close she’d gotten with her mother and Laura during that time. It’d been the happiest time of her life. Kristy wiped her eyes and turned her attention back to her bedroom. The dolls of her youth were arranged on the antique dresser, and against one wall was the familiar blanket chest that had carried all of her great-greatgrandfather’s belongings to America during the long boat ride from Sweden. It’d been built by him of walnut and was put together with wooden pegs. His initials, H.P., and the year, 1805, were lovingly carved into the wood. Poor old Hans Petersen. I’ll bet if he’d had any idea his descendants were going to end up the way they have he’d have stayed in Sweden. He had such high hopes and dreams. Kristy unpacked and hung the few items of clothing she’d brought in the closet. Once finished, she went back to the living room and found Laura there, feeding Ronnie with a bottle of formula. Laura turned her gaze from Ronnie to Kristy and asked, “Which feeding do you want to take? It’s ten o’clock now and he’ll be hungry again around two and then about six in the morning?” “Aren’t you breast feeding him? I thought we’d talked about it and decided it’s best for the baby.” “Well I decided it wasn’t best for me. I wouldn’t ever be able to get away from him. Anyone can give him a bottle. And besides, it’s harder to lose weight and my boobs would get all saggy,” answered Laura. Kristy fumed inwardly at Laura’s selfishness but decided it wasn’t worth the battle to pursue the issue. “I’ll take the two o’clock feeding. Then you can get a full nights sleep,” said Kristy. “I tell you what. I’ll feed him in the morning, too. Then I’ll get him settled and put his bassinet in your room. You can sleep until mid-morning if you want to. I’m going to get up early so I can go see Mom and buy you an air conditioner.” “Thanks, Big Sis. I do appreciate it.” “You’re welcome. You even sound sincere.” Laura smiled at Kristy. “I really mean it. I do appreciate you.” * The temperature didn’t decrease during the night, and Kristy slept little. It was almost a relief to get up when she heard Ronnie’s hungry wail. “Just listen to you. You’re a hungry boy, aren’t you? I’ll bet you’re wet, too. Oh, you poor baby. You’ve been perspiring. You don’t need this sleeper on, do you? Let’s just put on a little tee shirt,” Kristy cooed to the baby, who had stopped crying and was listening to her intently. “Let’s go get your bottle and go into the living room where we can watch some late night TV.” Kristy warmed the bottle and carried the baby into the living room. She turned the television on and chose an old movie to watch. Instead, she

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Medicinal Remedies watched the infant as he latched onto the nipple and began sucking greedily, one tiny hand clutching Kristy’s finger. His eyes were closed and his nose crinkled as he ate. He didn’t stop until he drained the two ounces in the bottle, then instantly fell asleep, formula dribbling from the corners of his mouth. “Oh no you don’t. You’ve got to burp first,” Kristy said as she expertly turned the baby over on her lap and began rubbing his back. “It’s a good thing I paid attention during my training in the nursery, isn’t it, Ronnie? Otherwise I wouldn’t have any idea what to do with you. You’re the first baby in our family since your Momma was born. You’re going to be one spoiled little guy, I predict.” Ronnie cooperated with a very large belch. Kristy carried him back and gently placed him on his back in his bassinet. The same routine was followed after the morning feeding. “Bye, little guy. You be a good boy for your Momma. I’ve got to go get you an air conditioner and go see my Mom,” Kristy told the baby as she pulled his bassinet into Laura’s room. Laura was sleeping soundly, totally oblivious to the heat and to the sound of the bassinet being wheeled into her room. Kristy hoped she would hear Ronnie cry when it was time for his next feeding and left reluctantly, realizing she couldn’t be there all the time to take care of them. * The salesman in the neighborhood hardware store couldn’t have been more helpful to Kristy. She was continually astounded at the small town atmosphere in Sacramento. It was easy to forget there were places where people were this helpful when you lived in impersonal Los Angeles. He checked for the remaining amount on her VISA card, then sold her a window unit at a discounted price and arranged for it to be delivered and installed that afternoon. Kristy couldn’t help but wish that everything in her life went this smoothly. She entered the nursing home just as everyone was being directed to his or her various therapies and social activities. Wheelchairs, canes and walkers propelled gray haired old men and women in various stages of health through the hallways. “Good morning. Can I help you?” asked a smiling nurse. “Good morning. I’m Kristina Petersen. I’m here to see my mother, Ruth Petersen.” “Oh yes, you’re the daughter that lives down south. Aren’t you the one that’s the nurse?” At Kristy’s affirmative nod, the nurse continued, “I believe your mother is in the solarium. She’s been so difficult to deal with lately that we can’t get her to go to any of her therapy sessions or the social activities. She just sits in the solarium and stares out the windows and throws things at anyone who comes near her. I’m sure Mrs. Eddy, our director of nurses, will want to talk to you after you see your mother. Will you have time?” Kristy nodded again and headed towards the solarium in search of her mom. She found the room at the end of a long corridor. It was sunny and cheerfully decorated with art projects done by the residents. There were game tables set up throughout, as well as tables with partially completed jigsaw puzzles on them. Large, sturdy chairs and couches were grouped in settings conducive to socializing. Room was carefully left for wheelchair bound

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Medicinal Remedies patients to be able to stop and join in. Ruth Petersen sat in the corner of the room with her back to the entrance. She was impassively staring out the window. Her long hair was braided neatly down her back. The former vibrant auburn color faded now to a mixture of white, gray and strands of red. Her face was an older version of Kristy’s. Ruth was still a relatively young woman at her age of fifty-seven. She would have been considered beautiful if it weren’t for the drooping of the left side of her face that was a residual from the head injury she’d received during her auto accident years before. She had no use of her left arm or leg, which necessitated her being in a wheelchair most of the time. Ruth was slender and trim and had been dressed for the day in a light cotton dress that seemed several sizes too large for her. “Mom? Mom, turn around. It’s me, Kristina. I’ve come to tell you about your new grandson.” Ruth turned slowly to look at Kristy, every inch of her face a terrible scowl. Her good right hand was raised and clenched into a fist. “Momma, put your hand down. It’s me, Kristy, your daughter.” “Where you been? I wanna go home. Hate this hotel. Where’s Laura? Where’s Carl?” Ruth asked as she reached for Kristy with her hand that was no longer in a fist. “Momma, you know where I’ve been. I live in LA, remember?” Ruth frowned. “You live with me and Carl in Sacramento. “No, Mom. I’m a nurse. I work in LA. I work lots so I can take care of you and Laura, that’s why I don’t get to visit often. Laura is at home. She has a new baby boy. And, Momma, you know that Carl, I mean Dad, has been dead for years. I tell you that every time.” “I wanna go home right now. I’m tired of this hotel. Take me home Kristina. Laura doesn’t have a baby, she’s too little.” “Momma, Laura does have a baby. She’s thirty-one years old. We’re not little anymore, we’re grownups. You know I can’t take you home. There’s no one to take care of you. I have to work. Besides, the insurance pays for you to stay here but they won’t pay for someone to care for you at home. This isn’t a hotel. You’re in a convalescent home.” “Wanna go home. Wanna see Carl and Laura,” Ruth said as she returned to staring out the window. Kristy knew their conversation was over, but decided to give it one more try. “Mom, you’re in a convalescent home. Dad is dead. Please cooperate with everyone here that’s trying to take care of you. You’d be so much happier if you would just get involved with more of the activities. You can’t just sit here and stare out the window the rest of your life.” After no response came from her mother, Kristy rose to leave, thinking that as stubborn as her mother was, she would probably do exactly that for the rest of her life. As Kristy approached the front desk, she saw Mrs. Eddy waiting for her. Mrs. Eddy was a formidable looking figure in her old fashioned white uniform, stockings and shoes, and a tiny starched nurse’s cap perched precariously on top of her snow white hair. Her hands were grasping a clipboard in front of her buxom bodice. “Hello, Miss Petersen. It’s been a long time. Have you seen your mother?” “Yes, I have, Mrs. Eddy.” “Good. We really need to have a little chat. Let’s go into my office.” Mrs. Eddy led Kristy into an office as stark and sterile as she was and

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Medicinal Remedies gestured for her to be seated in a hard wooden chair in front of her desk. “Miss Petersen, we’ve been trying to communicate the difficulties that we’ve been having with your mother to your sister, Laura, for quite some time now without success. She just doesn’t seem interested in helping us deal with your mother.” “I’m terribly sorry about that, Mrs. Eddy. Laura has too many problems of her own to deal with. How can I help you?” “Your mother seems to be getting more and more uncooperative. We simply can’t do a thing with her. There are a couple of aides that she’ll let care for her but on their days off we have problems. She throws things, kicks, and hits, refuses to go to any activities and does nothing but sit by the window. You know, too, our problems have been compounded since the state has come down so hard on us for sedating our patients. You must do something. We just cannot tolerate her abuse much longer.” “Mrs. Eddy, what is it exactly that you want me to do? I live in Southern California. I’m financially responsible for my sister, myself, and some of Mom’s expenses. I work all the time. What can I possibly do?” Kristy knew she was becoming angry, which was unusual for her. She detested exhibitions of anger from anyone. “Well, I don’t know, but you’ll have to come up with something. We can’t, and won’t tolerate her behavior much longer.” Kristy felt an overwhelming urge to reach across the desk and strangle the frustrating woman. Instead, she grabbed her purse, and as she turned to leave said, “Your job here is to care for my mother. You are being paid well to do that. When I’m at work and being paid, I do the job that I’m being paid to do. I suggest that you do the same and stop insisting that it is my responsibility to control my mother. I can’t be responsible for everything and everybody. Goodbye, Mrs. Eddy.” Kristy heard Mrs. Eddy say, “The nerve!” as she rushed out of her office.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 7 Driving back to Los Angeles provided Kristy with an opportunity to go over in her mind the events of the past few days. She’d been surprised that after her angry outburst at Mrs. Eddy she’d felt better--somehow relieved a little of her burdens and stress. She felt empowered--almost omnipotent, feelings she couldn’t remember ever having had before. Ronnie was a pleasant and docile infant and Laura had adapted surprisingly well to motherhood. Kristy, who’d instantly bonded with the baby, was relieved when she realized that Laura would probably take proper care of him. She’d even arranged for occasional babysitting so Laura could get out of the house now and then. Mrs. MacIntosh, who lived next door, said she would be happy to care for Ronnie. Kristy had agreed to pay her well for her time. Kristy also made Laura promise that she would let her know if she ever became frustrated with being a mother and began to neglect Ronnie in any way. Kristy left on the last day of her visit feeling more positive about life than she had in a long time. Kristy noticed a man in a car driving next to her that reminded her of Mack. Her thoughts turned to him and the life they’d soon be able to have together. Mack and Eleanor’s baby was due any day. As soon as it was born and Eleanor was back on her feet, things would change and Mack would be hers. She knew deep down within her soul that this time would be different than in the past, and they would be together forever. * Realizing she was hungry, Kristy pulled into the Truck Stop Café in Modesto. She maneuvered around the eighteen-wheelers in the parking lot and pulled her car into a space close to the entrance. The odor of ham and eggs greeted her as she opened the door to the café. A waitress seated her at a table for two and handed her a well worn, ketchup stained menu. She was concentrating on the selections for the day, when she heard a voice from her past. “I do declare it’s Kristina Petersen. I don’t mind saying you’re even more beautiful as a grown woman than you were as a high school girl. Mind if I join you?” Kristy recognized the voice as belonging to Cal Harkinson, the star football player from high school and every girl’s heartthrob. The high school boy had matured into a lean and handsome man. Kristy found it hard to speak as she stared at the tall man wearing cowboy boots and Stetson hat. His tanned face had the beginnings of lines etched into it and his eyes crinkled at the corners. They were an even brighter blue than she remembered. His brown hair was sun streaked with blonde and curled over his ears and shirt collar. “Can I sit down, or are you saving this spot for someone?” “I’m sorry, Cal. Please sit down. I’m just so surprised to see you and even more surprised that you remember me. I didn’t think you knew I existed in high school.” “I knew all right.” Cal smiled and tipped his hat. “You always seemed so aloof and so together, I was too shy to approach you. You scared me to death.” “Why on earth were you afraid of me? You had girls hanging on you all the time.”

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Medicinal Remedies “That was different. They were all over me. I didn’t have to approach them. You just scared me. I’m not afraid anymore, though.” “Well, you shouldn’t have been then, either,” Kristy said. The waitress arrived and they placed their lunch order. Kristy ordered a tuna sandwich on whole wheat bread, and Cal got the trucker burger special. “What have you been doing with yourself?” Kristy asked after taking a sip of her iced tea. “I’m a trucker. Not too glamorous a job, but I love it. Mostly I drive up and down the state.” Kristy glanced at his left ring finger. No ring. “You must have a wife and family by now.” “I married Pam Mason after high school. Remember her?” “Not really. What did she look like?” Kristy asked. “She was the blonde cheerleader with the big boobs.” Cal laughed. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be crass, but I thought that would help you remember her. Anyway, we got a divorce. No kids, no money, no alimony. So, I’m footloose and fancy-free. How about you?” “I haven’t gotten married yet. No kids, either. The time just hasn’t been right. I do have someone special, though. I expect to get married real soon.” “That’s a shame. Just goes to show you what bad timing I’ve always had.” Kristy smiled at the apparent compliment. She finished her sandwich; sorry that her lunch break was almost over. “Cal, it’s been fun talking to you but I’ve got to drive on home.” Kristy thought that the timing was bad for her, as well. In another time and another place she and this handsome man might have been a good match for one another. “Wait a minute, not so fast. I get into LA a lot and I’d like to see you once in awhile. Just as an old high school acquaintance, that’s all. You can invite me to your wedding.” “I guess that would be okay,” Kristy said as she hurriedly wrote down her address and phone number. “Well, goodbye. Maybe I’ll see you sometime.” “You bet you will, Kristy Petersen. You can count on it.” * It was dusk as she pulled into the garage of her condominium. The coolness of the Whittier hills was a welcome relief from the interminable heat of the San Joaquin Valley. Pooh greeted her at the door. He was purring loudly and almost tripped her by winding around her legs as she carried her suitcases in. “You’re glad to see me, aren’t you?” Kristy asked the purring cat. “Got a little lonesome, huh? What’s the matter, didn’t Carol pay enough attention to you when she came over to feed you?” She checked her mail that had been piled on the table and spied a note from Carol. Kristy, I’m sure glad you’re home. I don’t know how you afford to feed this damn cat. He had me buying fresh shrimp--he wouldn’t eat the

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Medicinal Remedies stuff you left for me to feed him. I’m sure glad you’ll be back at work soon. We’ve got six ventilator patients! We’re going nuts! Hope you had a good trip. See you tomorrow night. I’m working extra. How about that? Never thought you’d see the day, huh? Love, Carol “How did you ever get her to buy you fresh shrimp? Don’t even think for a minute that I’m going to do that. You eat your canned food or starve. Maybe I’ll put you outside to hunt gophers,” Kristy said to the cat, who was now walking all over the mail on the table. Kristy noticed the blinking lights on the answering machine and pushed the button for her messages. “Kristy, this is Gina at Memorial. Can you come to work? We’re desperate. Wait a minute...sorry, Terri just told me you’re in Sacramento. Disregard this message. See you when you get back.” “Hi Babe, it’s Mack here. Listen, Eleanor is having a tough time. Her legs are all swollen and the baby is overdue. Don’t try to call me just now. I’ll get in touch when it’s all over, okay? Love you, Babe. Hope your trip was good.” “Kristy, it’s Laura. Call me as soon as you get home.” Kristy anxiously pushed Laura’s number into the phone, thinking something awful must have happened. Laura answered on the first ring. “What’s happened?” Kristy asked anxiously. “Nothing is wrong, Kristy. I just wanted to make sure you got home, that’s all.” “Why didn’t you say that? Your message scared me.” “Did you get home okay?” “Of course. I’m fine. It was an uneventful drive except I ran in to an old high school acquaintance in Modesto.” “Who?” “Cal Harkinson. I don’t think you knew him.” “Of course I knew who he was,” Laura said. “Every girl in the high school did. He was gorgeous. How’s he held up?” “He’s even handsomer now, and he’s divorced. No kids, so there isn’t any baggage.” “Did he ask you out? Did you ask him out?” “No...I gave him my phone number though.” “Why are you hesitating? What’s the problem?” “You know.” “Do you mean because of Mack the Magnificent?” “Yes. As soon as his wife has the baby and is able to take care of herself and the baby, then he’s going to leave her once and for all. She’s not doing too well right now, so we’re on hold for awhile.” “Kristy, when are you going to stop this? He’s never leaving his wife, especially now that there’s a baby. Don’t pass up a chance at life for him.” “He promised me, Laura, and I know he meant it this time. You better go. I hear Ronnie crying.” “You can’t brush me off this easy. I’ll call back after I get Ronnie settled.” Kristy turned the ringer off on her phone so she wouldn’t have to talk to Laura when she called back and got a chilled bottle of chardonnay out of the refrigerator. She uncorked it and carried it out to her balcony, along with

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Medicinal Remedies the stack of mail that awaited her attention. She drank more wine and became more despondent with each envelope she opened. Her credit card balances were much higher than she’d estimated. Her prior feeling of empowerment was gone and being rapidly replaced by anger at those who had taken advantage of her in her lifetime, starting with her father.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 8 The ICU resembled a disaster area. Doctors and nurses wearing surgical gowns, masks, hats and gloves were gathered around one bedside. The phones were all ringing and the rest of the nurses were running in different directions. Visitors gathered protectively around other beds as if their presence would prevent the chaos from spreading to their loved ones. “What’s happening over there, Linda?” Kristy asked the day nurse as she passed by. “They’re doing a tracheotomy on the kid. He’s septic and his lung collapsed. They’re putting a chest tube in, also. I wish they’d figure out what’s wrong with him. So far nothing’s worked.” “That’s sad. He doesn’t look very old,” Kristy replied. “He’s just eleven,” Linda said. “We’re going to have to give individual reports tonight, so when Carol and the others get here, make your assignments first. Carol was here last night so she knows all these patients.” “Hi Kristy. How was your vacation?” Carol asked when she and Gina arrived. “It was too short, as usual. I’d liked to have had more time with Laura and Ronnie.” “They’re always too short,” Carol said while reviewing the patient list. “I don’t think you know any of these patients. Do you have any preference as to who you take?” “Anyone but that sick kid out there. I don’t feel emotionally up to taking care of a child.” “Gina had him last night anyway. Why don’t you take care of Daisy Lawson in 308 and Mr. Simms in 309?” “That sounds fine,” replied Kristy. Linda gave Kristy a quick oral report and after checking her patient’s charts, Kristy decided to first look in on Mr. Simms. Mr. Simms turned out to be an easy patient assignment. He’d had a fairly minor intestinal surgery done the day before and was in the ICU only because he had a history of heart irregularities and needed to be observed closely. Daisy Lawson was a different story. She was ninety-five years old with pneumonia and a severe urinary tract infection. Daisy lived in a nursing home and had no living relatives. Having been a victim of a stroke many years before, she’d essentially been bedridden since. She was confused and disoriented and didn’t know her own name. Her legs and arms were contracted and stiff and she had large bedsores on her hips and tailbone. Her doctor made her a No CODE BLUE but was treating her anyway. The severe infection caused her to go into septic shock, and her blood pressure was being maintained with dobutamine. “Hello, Daisy. How are you doing?” Kristy asked the old woman, who just stared at her with fear in her eyes. “You look uncomfortable, like you’re having pain.” Kristy filled the bath basin with water and placed it on the bedside table. She watched Daisy closely for any sign of understanding. After several moments waiting for a response to her question, she said, “Of course you are. Let’s see what we can do to make you more comfortable. I’ll give you a nice sponge bath to cool you off and then I’ll change your linen and get you turned. How will that be?” The old woman whimpered at every touch, no matter how gentle.

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Medicinal Remedies When Kristy turned her to wash her back, she screamed so loudly that Carol stuck her head in to see what was going on. “What the hell are you doing to her?” Carol asked. “She hurts when I touch her. She needs more medication but her doc is afraid if he gives her anything stronger it will kill her,” Kristy explained to Carol. “I know. He says she’s maxed out on what she can take. He won’t order anymore,” Carol responded before going back to the desk to watch the monitors. Daisy’s temperature measured one hundred and four degrees and Kristy turned on the cooling blanket that was underneath the sheet. This caused Daisy to shiver uncontrollably. Kristy was exhausted and emotionally upset by the time she finished bathing and turning Daisy. She gathered her papers together to chart and sat next to Carol at the nurse’s station. “I’m so sick of this. What good are we doing for these poor old people? Who are we doing it for? I’m beginning to think the only people who benefit are the doctors who make the big bucks.” “You complain too much,” said Carol. “We can’t do a damn thing about it anyway. You take all this too seriously. I’ve told you that before.” “I don’t know, Carol. I’m just not sure how I feel anymore.” “Get a grip, Kristy. It’s a job and someone has to do it.” “I look at it as a calling. It’s a lot more than just a job,” Kristy snapped at Carol. “What bothers me is that the patients we’ve been getting lately shouldn’t even be in the ICU. They should be allowed more dignity. We put sick animals out of their misery.” “Animals and people are different,” Carol said. “We can’t treat human beings the same way.” “Why not?” Kristy asked. “It would be a lot kinder.” “You’re burned out. You need counseling.” “I’ve had enough counseling to last a lifetime--for all the good it’s done me,” Kristy replied. “It did a lot of good. It got you through that awful depression you had where we almost lost you. And, you’re not drinking anymore, right?” “Right. I know you think I’ve got a problem but I don’t. I’m fine. It’s the system’s problem. Something needs to be done about the whole medical system. It’s not me. I’m not nuts.” “Did I say you were nuts? We all need a little help now and then. You’re my friend and I care about you.” “Thanks, Carol. I know you do and I appreciate it. I’m okay, I really am. Just a little tired and overworked I guess. I better go mix some more dobutamine for Mrs. Lawson. Her IV is about to run out.” Kristy gathered her supplies together and began to prepare the intravenous solution. She attached tubing to the bag of IV fluid, then filled out and attached a label showing that the intravenous contained dobutamine. She opened the stock medication drawer, took out a vial of dobutamine and stared at the label. Realization slowly dawned on Kristy that she had more power than she thought. There was no reason she couldn’t help these patients in her care transition from this world to the next. No one would ever know. She placed the unopened vial of dubutamine back in the stock medication drawer and carried the IV labeled as containing dobutamine back to Daisy’s bedside. “Daisy, you look like you’re feeling more comfortable now. Your

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Medicinal Remedies temperature is down so I’ll shut off that cooling blanket. I know it makes you miserable. I’ll take good care of you, Daisy. You’ll feel better soon, I promise.” Kristy straightened the top sheet on Daisy’s bed. Then, reassured that she was as comfortable as she could possibly be, she turned out the bedside light. Back at the desk, Kristy asked, “Carol, can I take my lunch break now? I’m starved. My patients are doing all right. Mr. Simms had a pain shot and is sleeping, and I just finished getting Daisy cleaned up and positioned.” “Sure, it’s quiet right now. If you’re going downstairs, will you bring me a candy bar and some chips? Any kind of chocolate will do and I like those sour cream and onion potato chips,” Carol said as she reached for some change. Kristy took the money and put it in the pocket of her scrubs. I should tell her she needs to eat celery instead of junk. Everyone is always giving me unsolicited advice--I should give some back. The hospital cafeteria was empty. She purchased a turkey sandwich and an apple from the machine for herself, and the chips and candy bar for Carol. She sat at a table to eat her food in peace and quiet before going back to the noisy unit. She felt surprisingly calm and relaxed about what she’d just done, and curiously energized. I did a good thing. That old woman will be better off. * Kristy returned to the unit and gave Carol her food. As she did so, her newfound feelings of power gave her the courage to say, “You know you don’t need this junk, don’t you?” “I really don’t care,” Carol said between bites. “Your patients are still asleep. Daisy’s vital signs are lower but that’s all. I’m going to go give my patient a bath.” Kristy sat down and looked at the monitor. Daisy’s heart rate and blood pressure were indeed lower. She hoped Daisy would wait an hour to die. The next shift would arrive by then. Kristy felt so good right now that she didn’t want the rest of the night ruined. “Linda, I’m glad you’re back today. You had Daisy yesterday, right? Her blood pressure is dropping. I’ve been turning the dobutamine up, but I don’t think it’s working anymore. Other than that she’s the same,” Kristy told the oncoming nurse. “It doesn’t matter,” said Linda. “She isn’t to be resuscitated anyway. I’m not going to turn the dobutamine up anymore.” Kristy gathered her belongings up. “I agree. It’s a waste of time and good medicine.” Linda asked, “Are you back tonight?” “I wasn’t supposed to be, but I feel so good I think I’ll put myself down for an extra shift. That way they can use one less agency nurse--we all know I need the money.” * Kristy sang to herself all the way home. Pooh was startled when she entered the condominium, scooped him up and gave him a huge bear hug. He was pleasantly surprised when Kristy took some frozen shrimp from the

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Medicinal Remedies freezer and warmed it in the microwave for him. “Don’t get any ideas that this is going to happen all the time, Pooh. I just feel so wonderful this morning that I want to share it with you. Things have been tough lately but they’re looking up now. I feel on top of the world. No calls on the answer phone, eh? I guess Laura must be doing all right, Mom must be behaving and Eleanor hasn’t had the baby. Well, no news is always good news. I’m going to bed, Pooh, and I’m going to sleep like a baby.” The alarm woke Kristy at five in the evening. I slept nine hours. This is great. I’ve got just enough time to eat and get ready for my shift. “Come on, Pooh, let’s have some fried shrimp for dinner.” * The ICU was completely full of patients when Kristy entered, but it wasn’t chaotic like the night before. Kristy checked room 308 as soon as she entered the unit but found an elderly comatose man instead of Daisy. “Where’s Daisy?” Kristy asked Linda. Linda shrugged her shoulders. “She died around nine. Her pressure kept dropping until it finally bottomed out. She never woke up again. It was really peaceful. We no sooner had her body gone and the room cleaned up than we got this new man. Really sad case. We’ll tell you about it in report. Help me count the dope, okay?” Linda began report with the new patient. “Room 308 is a new admission. Mr. Charles Morgan is a 65-year-old man who had a cardiopulmonary arrest at home this morning. He apparently has a long cardiac history. Unfortunately, he got up before his wife did and was in the bathroom. She finally realized he’d been in there an awfully long time and decided to check on him. When he didn’t answer her knock, she knew something was wrong so she called 911. He’d locked the door to the bathroom and she’d just managed to get it open when the paramedics arrived.” “How long had he been down?” asked Kristy. Linda continued, “The paramedics think it was at least ten minutes, since he was blue and didn’t have any heart rate or blood pressure. They worked on him anyway and finally got a heart rhythm back. He’s unstable and we’ve had trouble keeping him alive all day. Oh, by the way, he filled out a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care several years ago when he had his last bypass, so he’s a No CODE. The doctors and the wife still want us to do everything short of CPR anyway since this was so sudden. Room 309 is still Mr. Simms....” Kristy didn’t listen to the rest of the change of shift report. She’d ask to take Mr. Simms again and it was logical that she would take Mr. Morgan in room 308 since it was right next door. She entered the room to find a woman sitting at the bedside. “Mrs. Morgan? My name is Kristy Petersen. I’m going to be caring for your husband all night tonight. Do you have any questions?” “How is he? Is he going to be all right?” “It’s too soon to tell. Right now I’m going to do a physical assessment of him, so I need to ask you to wait in the waiting room for a bit. Would you like some coffee?” “Yes, dear. I would. Thank you.” Kristy settled the worried wife in the waiting room and returned to

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Medicinal Remedies check her patient. Mr. Morgan was lying flat on his bed with his head lower than his feet to try to counteract the shock he was in. An intubation tube had been placed and was connected to a respirator. Kristy noted that the respirator was doing all the work and he wasn’t taking any breaths on his own. Doing a quick neurological exam, Kristy found that his pupils were completely dilated, he was unable to move, and he didn’t respond to painful stimulus. This, plus the fact that no one knew how long he was out at home, indicated there was a good possibility major brain damage. Kristy noted his low blood pressure, irregular and slow heart rate, and low urine output. She also noted that he was on dobutamine for his blood pressure, lidocaine for his heart irregularities, and an epinephrine and calcium drip to try to keep his heart beating. “Well, he sure doesn’t look good at all,” Kristy said to Gina when she returned to the nurse’s station. “Do you think he’s going to last the night?” asked Gina. “I don’t see how. He’s extremely unstable. I don’t think anything can be done to save him. I think most of my nursing interventions will have to be towards helping his wife cope. I’m going to go out to the waiting room and talk with her before I bring her back in to sit with him. Keep an eye on his blood pressure for me while I’m gone, please.” Mrs. Morgan was seated in a chair looking out the window. The cup of now cold coffee was still in her hand. “Mrs. Morgan. I’ve finished checking on your husband. You can go back in with him now, if you like. Do you have any questions before we go?” “I was just sitting here thinking about all our years together. You know, we just celebrated our fortieth wedding anniversary. Charlie had been feeling a lot better lately and we’ve been planning a long driving trip around the United States.” She paused to dab at her eyes with a paper towel. “We never had any children. That seems so sad to me. Charlie is the last male in his family. He always felt like a failure since there won’t be anymore from his line after he’s gone.” Kristy sat next to Mrs. Morgan on the plastic waiting room couch and focused all her attention on listening. “I’m going to lose him this time, aren’t I? This isn’t like the other spells he’s had with his heart. Please be honest with me. And call me Hazel. It’s going to be a long night and we may as will start out as friends.” “Okay, Hazel. I don’t know what the doctors have told you and I don’t want to overstep my bounds, but I’ll be honest with you from a nurse’s point of view. Yes, it looks to me like you are going to lose him this time. He’s extremely unstable and he’s critical. From his past history and the events that led up to him coming in here, I would say he has very little chance of surviving.” “What should I do?” asked Hazel. “My advice to you is to go in and sit with him. Talk to him as if he can hear you and say anything that you’ve left unsaid up to now. There’s always the chance that he can hear you. Hearing is the last sense to go. Is there anyone I can call to come be with you so you don’t have to go through this alone?” “There isn’t anyone I want here with me right now. I have Charlie and I want to just be with him as long as I can. Besides, you’re here. I’ll be all right.” Kristy led Hazel back to the room and began explaining all the

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Medicinal Remedies machines and medications to her. “He’s on lidocaine for his heart irregularities. They’re premature ventricular contractions--PVC’s for short. Unfortunately, the lidocaine is at the maximum dosage and isn’t doing much good. He’s also on dobutamine to keep his blood pressure up, but it isn’t doing much, either. This epi-cal drip is to keep his heart beating strongly. He’s on the heart monitor and has an arterial line in place to monitor his blood pressure. The respirator is doing all his breathing for him.” “What for? If he’s as bad as you seem to think, what’s the point of doing all of this?” “Since we started him on life support we can’t just stop it now. He’ll have to have two flat brain-wave tests two days in a row before we can legally turn the machines off. The doctors won’t do it otherwise. That’s the law. I’m really sorry, Hazel. I know how difficult this must be for you.” “Two days. This may go on for two days?” Hazel said and began to sob hysterically. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it will go on for two days, just that that’s how long it could take,” Kristy said while kneeling beside the weeping Hazel Morgan. “I’m sure it won’t be that long. Go ahead and cry, though. You need to.” This is awful. This poor woman can’t possibly go through several days of this. Too bad his doctors don’t have the guts to turn all these medications and machines off. They’d be doing much more good if they did. Maybe I can help her. I can’t turn off the machines but I can sure turn off the medications without anyone knowing. Maybe I’ll do just that. She’s a nice lady and doesn’t deserve to suffer like this. When Hazel’s crying subsided, Kristy said, “Are you all right now? I need to go check on my other patient. It won’t take long because he’s here for observation only. I also need to mix some new intravenous solutions for your husband.” Hazel nodded yes and Kristy gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder, then left the room. Mr. Simms was doing fine and Kristy finished with him quickly. Mr. Morgan’s dobutamine and lidocaine intravenous bags would both run out on Kristy’s shift, and the epinephrine-calcium mix would run out soon after the change of shift, so Kristy decided to mix all three. She got three bags of intravenous dextrose and water from the pharmacy stock shelf and gathered labels and syringes together. Afraid that someone might become suspicious if drugs weren’t missing from the stock drawers, she instead opened the vials and drew the medications up into syringes. She glanced around quickly to make sure no one was watching and shot the liquid from the syringes into the sink instead of into the intravenous bags. She labeled the solutions and left the empty medication vials and syringes on the medication counter. Kristy carried the intravenous bags into the room. “How are you doing now, Hazel?” Kristy asked. Hazel raised her bloodshot eyes to look at Kristy. “I’m doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances.” “I’ll just place these here on the table so they’re handy when the other ones are empty. Everything looks about the same. His blood pressure is still low but hasn’t really dropped any further. I’m not going to turn him or anything. Sometimes when patients are this unstable they can’t tolerate any change of position. We’d better leave well enough alone.” “I agree,” Hazel said. “Let him rest. He looks peaceful.”

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Medicinal Remedies By seven in the morning, Kristy could see on the monitor that Mr. Morgan’s heart irregularities were becoming more frequent and his blood pressure was dropping. She got up from the desk and went into the room to check on him one more time. “Hazel, I’m going to be leaving soon. Carmen will be your husband’s day nurse. I’ll give her report before I go. I just want to let you know how sorry I am that this had to happen.” “Thank you, Kristy for all of your wonderful care,” Hazel said. “His blood pressure is lower now, isn’t it? He’s not going to last much longer, is he?” “I don’t think so. The medications don’t seem to be working anymore. I’m sorry it has to be this way and I wish you the best. Goodbye, Hazel,” Kristy said as she gave her a parting hug. Kristy gave Carmen report on Mr. Morgan and ended with, “I don’t think it will be much longer now. His pressure has started dropping and his PVC’s are more frequent.” “Well, it sounds like it’s for the best. It doesn’t seem like he has much of a chance to survive, anyway. It will be easier for his wife this way, too,” Carmen said while pushing Kristy towards the door. “Go home. You look worn out.” “Oh, I almost forgot. I mixed an epi-cal drip for you and it’s on his bedside table in his room. The other one is about ready to run out. See you in a couple of days,” Kristy said as she exited the ICU.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 9 “I wish you could see him. He was born yesterday, September 10th at 9:30 in the evening--almost three weeks late. He’s just about the most perfect baby I’ve ever seen.” Kristy held her hand to her throat and asked, “Who does he look like?” “He’s the spitting image of me,” Mack said affectionately. “Lots of curly black hair, and big dark eyes. We named him Matthew. Matthew Alan Grisham. He’s big, too. Almost 10 pounds. No wonder poor Ellie was so miserable. She came through the delivery like a trooper, though.” A feeling of foreboding came over Kristy as she listened to Mack talk excitedly about the arrival of his son. In an instant it hit her. Mack was never, ever going to leave Eleanor. The arrival of Matthew Alan Grisham assured that. Mack, apparently not noticing the silence on the other end of the line, continued, “Ellie and Matt are being discharged today. I rented a limousine to bring them home and arranged for a caterer to prepare a welcome home lunch. I’ve also taken a couple of days off work. I can’t wait to take care of my son.” “That sounds terrific, Mack. It’s really sweet and considerate of you. I’m sure Eleanor appreciates it,” Kristy said with more than a hint of sarcasm. It was wasted on Mack. “Oh, she does! It’s the least I can do since she just presented me with a son.” “Mack, I really need to hang up now. I’ve got a lot to do on my days off.” “Bye, Babe. I’ll see you soon.” No you won’t. I’m going to get over you if it’s the last thing I do. “Goodbye, Mack,” she said instead. Kristy hung up the phone and walked to her kitchen window. It was sunny and hot outside and would have been a perfect day to go to the beach. In fact, that was what she’d been thinking about doing until she got the phone call from Mack. Now she didn’t feel like doing anything. She felt hollow inside, completely empty and devoid of all feeling. I guess I’ll write checks and pay bills. Why wait to do that when I’m in a good mood? It would be a waste. Laura will be thrilled if I send her a check early. She’s already called two times to remind me her bills will soon be due. I’m so tired of my life. When is it going to be my turn for some fun? Everyone goes on with their lives and expects me to be here waiting and ready to give at any time. Then they take, take, take.... The ringing phone jolted Kristy back to reality. She answered in a tentative whisper, “Hello.” “Kristy? Is that you? It’s Cal. Cal Harkinson.” “Cal. What a surprise. Where are you?” “I told you I’d be calling. I’m somewhere by Griffith Park. I dropped a load off at a warehouse nearby. Did I catch you at a bad time?” “I’m not doing anything special right now, if that’s what you mean.” “Great. I have a proposition for you. Is there any way you can get off work for a few days? I have a load to pick up down here on Monday, which I have to take back to Sacramento, so I’m going to stay here for the weekend. I’d like to go out to Palm Springs--haven’t been there in years. I was wondering if you’d like to go with me?” Kristy was silent on the other end of the line. “Are you still there?”

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Medicinal Remedies “I’m still here. I was just thinking. I have the weekend off but....” “But what?” Cal asked. “We really don’t know each other very well. It’s been a lot of years since high school.” “Yes, but you knew me in high school. I’m still the same old Cal. You knew my family and we had the same friends. I’m a good guy. You can trust me.” “I’m not sure it will be right to go off alone together,” Kristy said hesitantly. “Oh come on. We know each other well enough to go as friends. I have the use of a condominium and it has two bedrooms. We’re adults and both single. We can go away for a weekend together is we want to.” Kristy suddenly felt alive again. He’s right. There’s no reason not to go. I know Cal, and he’s trustworthy. Besides, I have absolutely no one in the world I have to answer to. “I’ll go. It sounds like a lot of fun, and heaven knows I need some fun and relaxation right now.” “Great. Give me directions to your place and I’ll be there in a couple of hours. I have to drop my truck off at a storage yard and rent a car. How about a convertible? A bright red one?” “A bright red one will be fine. In fact, any color will be fine. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be a convertible to make me happy right now. Got a piece of paper and a pen? I’ll give you directions.” Kristy hung up the phone and rushed into the bedroom to start packing. Pooh was stretched out on her bed, sound asleep. “Pooh. What am I going to do with you? I forgot all about you when I said yes to Cal. Carol has to work this weekend. I don’t want to ask her to come feed you.” Kristy pondered the problem while she packed shorts and tee shirts, a summer dress to wear to dinner, an oversize tee shirt to sleep in, and a tank style swimsuit. As an afterthought, she added a daringly revealing string bikini. “I know what I’ll do with you. You can stay by yourself. You’re too spoiled anyway. I’ll fill a big bowl of water and one of dry cat food. If you don’t want to eat it, guess you’ll have to go hungry for a couple of days. I’ll only be gone until Sunday night.” Cal arrived two hours later to find Kristy waiting anxiously for him by the door. “You look even more gorgeous than you did the last time I saw you,” Cal said as he looked Kristy up and down admiringly. “Are you ready?” “I sure am. You called at just the right moment.” “Okay, then let’s go. The chariot awaits,” Cal said. Kristy had dressed in a halter top and shorts for the drive to Palm Springs so she could get a tan started. She’d done her hair in a long French braid down the back, and had taken special pains with her makeup. “I forgot to tell you. Bring some western style clothes if you have them. I’ve been told there’s a country-western dance place in Palm Springs. I thought it would be fun to go dancing.” “I’ve got boots and a denim skirt I can take, but I don’t have any idea how to dance to western music.” “I’ll teach you. Go get ‘em and let’s hit the road,” Cal said. Kristy returned with the shirt and boots. “I almost forgot. I better put a message on my recorder to let someone know where I am. They might

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Medicinal Remedies worry otherwise.” “Sometimes it’s good to keep them guessing, don’t you think?” Cal winked at her knowingly. “Just let me leave my boss a message so she doesn’t keep calling to see if I can work extra.” Kristy hurriedly left Carol a message telling her where she was going and that she would be home on Sunday. She told her not to worry about Pooh, that he would be fine until then. Cal had indeed rented a red convertible. As she got into the car, Kristy felt freer than she had in years. She watched Cal carrying her suitcase to the car. He wore his cowboy hat, boots and jeans. The buttons of his short sleeved western shirt were open far enough to reveal a muscular, suntanned chest and curly golden chest hairs. He had to be one of the handsomest men she’d ever seen. “We’re ready to roll, Kristy. We’re going to kick up our heels this weekend. I’m going to show you a good time like you’ve never had before.” * The little red car zipped in and out of traffic and soon they were in Riverside. They talked little as they drove along, being content to relax and enjoy the scenery and each other’s company. Kristy’s neat French braid was coming apart, so she undid it and let her auburn hair blow freely in the wind. “Now that’s a beautiful sight. All that gorgeous red hair blowing in the wind. You look so good you may cause an accident or two along the way,” Cal commented. They stopped at a fruit and vegetable stand outside of Beaumont. Kristy filled several bags with fresh, organically grown fruits and vegetables. Cal picked up bags of trail mix, caramel corn, and some bottles of freshly squeezed orange juice. They paid for their purchases and Cal handed something to Kristy as they headed for the car. “What kind of a sucker is this?” Kristy held the lollipop in front of her, inspecting it closely. “Oh, yuck. It has a worm in it. This is really gross.” “It’s a tequila sucker with a real worm, just like the kind in bottles of good Mexican tequila. It’s just for you and I won’t even ask to share it,” Cal said with a twinkle in his eye. “Thanks a bunch. I’ll save it for later. I might get really hungry on this little expedition, if this is how you intend to feed me,” Kristy said as she stuck the sucker into her purse. It was approaching dusk as they reached the exit to Palm Springs. The sun was hidden behind the tall San Jacinto Mountains that bordered Palm Springs on the west. It cast purple and red shadows on the desert. Kristy was amazed at all the colors. It was like a vast and beautiful sand painting spread out before her. She felt at peace for the first time in months. “It’s beautiful.” Kristy looked first at the mountains then at the expanse of colorful desert. “I had no idea the desert was so pretty. I’ve never been to Palm Springs. It’s so quiet and peaceful.” “Since you’ve never been here, we’ll drive through downtown on our way to the condo,” Cal said. The streets were all but deserted as they drove along. Cal pointed to a Mexican Restaurant and asked, “Are you hungry? This is Las Casuelas, and they have just about the best Mexican food in California.

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Medicinal Remedies It’s definitely the best in Palm Springs.” “I’m starved. Where are all the people? I thought Palm Springs was such a popular place.” Cal pulled the little red car into a parking spot in front of the restaurant. “This is the off season. It’s too hot down here at this time of year for most folks. Personally, I love it,” Cal said as he held the car door open for Kristy. “You live in hot and humid Sacramento. I bet the dry heat feels great to you,” commented Kristy. “That’s true. The snowbirds from Canada and the cold states start coming in around November. They usually stay until April or May when it starts heating up,” Cal explained. They were ushered to a table on an outside patio by a hostess wearing a white, off-the-shoulder Mexican blouse and embroidered turquoise skirt. It seemed ironic that the hostess was a blue-eyed California blonde. Misters overhead emitted a soft, watery spray. They ordered Margaritas and were handed menus. “Those pipes that are spraying the water are outdoor air-conditioning. Pretty clever, huh?” Cal commented. “It seems to work well. What are you going to order?” Kristy scanned the pages of the menu. “I think I’d like the taco and tamale combination plate.” “You’re safe ordering anything, unless my memory fails me.” Cal looked up from the menu. “Oh good, here are our Margaritas.” They relaxed and talked with one another as comfortably as if they’d been the best of friends in their high school days. They chatted about old friends and acquaintances and places they’d both frequented in their school years. They paused when their food arrived, and Kristy got a pained expression on her face. “What’s wrong? Did I hit a raw nerve with something I said?” Cal asked. “I was just thinking about those years. They weren’t a good time for me. I had to raise my sister and get us through school after my dad died and my mom had a car accident that left her incapacitated,” Kristy explained. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Cal covered her hand with his. “We kept it hidden. You couldn’t have known.” Kristy stared at the food on her plate. “It was tough. No one that age should have to go through that.” “If I’d known, it might have changed things. Maybe I wouldn’t have been afraid to approach you if I’d known your mind was elsewhere and you weren’t just stuck-up.” “Nothing would have been any different, Cal. I didn’t have time to date, anyway. Let’s not talk about it anymore.” Kristy took a bite of her taco. “This food is great. Let’s concentrate on having a good time now and forget about things in the past that we can’t change.” “Let’s talk about now. Tell me about Mr. Wonderful. I want to know what I’m up against.” Cal smiled and squeezed her hand before reaching for a fork. “And, why he’d let you go away with another man for a weekend has me puzzled.” “His name is Mack. I don’t want to tell you his last name on the off chance you know him or someone you know knows him.”

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Medicinal Remedies “What difference would that make?” “The truth is...he’s married.” “Aha! I thought so. No man in his right mind would let a woman as gorgeous as you go off with another man if he could help it.” “It isn’t like you’re thinking at all. He really loves me, and any day now he’s going to leave his wife and baby for me.” “Come on, Kristy. That’s the oldest story in history. Just how long has he been telling you he’s going to leave Mrs. Wonderful, and you and he are going to live happily-ever-after?” “We’ve been together for ten years. It’s not his fault. Complications keep coming up that prevent him from leaving her. Now there’s the new baby. Just as soon as his wife can take care of herself and the baby, then he’ll leave her.” “You don’t really believe that, do you? Why are you wasting your life? If he intended on ever leaving his wife he would have done it before ten years and a baby,” Cal said gently, while reaching for Kristy’s hand again. Kristy jerked her hand away. “How do you know what he’ll do? I’m not sure coming out here with you was such a good idea. Do you suppose I can catch a bus somewhere?” “Simmer down. I’m sorry. I promise I won’t mention it again. Let’s go to the condo and swim. Then we can go Western dancing.” “If you swear you won’t mention Mack again, then I’ll stay. Promise?” Cal removed his cowboy hat and placed it over his heart. He raised his right hand in the air. “On my honor, I swear I won’t do or say another offensive thing to you all weekend. Friends?” “Friends,” answered Kristy. * They drove down Palm Canyon Drive to Golf Club Drive and turned left. They entered the condominium complex that was across the street from the Municipal Golf Course. They located their unit next to the main swimming pool and unloaded the car. “There’s no one here. This is great. We’ve got the whole place to ourselves. Come on, Cal. Let’s go swimming.” Cal showed Kristy to the master bedroom, since it was to be hers for the weekend. She unpacked and put on her tank suit. The water in the pool was warm, the night air balmy, and the moon overhead full. They swam back and forth silently, like two frolicking sea otters. “This feels wonderful.” Kristy leaned back against the side of the pool. “I could go to sleep right now, I’m that relaxed.” “Not on your life. You need a little excitement.” “No...I need sleep,” Kristy whined. “Come on. Let’s get ready.” Cal took her hand and tried to pull her out of the pool. Reluctantly, she got out. “Oh all right, but I get the shower first.” Kristy showered and dressed in a tank top, tight denim skirt, and black boots that passed for cowboy boots. She pulled her hair back and tied it at the nape of her neck with a green bandana. After a quick check in the mirror and a spray of her favorite perfume, she went to meet Cal. “I think this desert air definitely agrees with you. I’m going to have to

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Medicinal Remedies keep my eye on you tonight or some cowboy will steal you away,” Cal said while looking her up and down appreciatively. “Are you ready? Let’s go Tush Push.” “I thought we were going dancing.” “We are. The Tush Push is a line dance,” Cal chuckled to himself as he guided Kristy out the door. The Cactus corral was on Palm Canyon, just a few short blocks from the condominium. The parking lot was full of everything from BMW’s to Cadillacs and pickup trucks with rifle racks in the back windows. “It looks like there might be some real cowboys inside,” commented Kristy. The dance floor was packed with couples all moving in the same direction. The dance they were doing looked complicated to Kristy. “Here’s a table.” Cal pulled out a chair for Kristy. “Let me order you a drink and then I’ll teach you how to two-step.” Cal was an excellent dancer and a patient teacher. He soon had Kristy feeling comfortable and gliding around the floor with the rest of the dancers. Kristy noticed other people watching them as they danced. “Why are they staring at us? I’m not doing that badly, am I?” “You’re doing great. They’re just watching because you’re so beautiful and we make a terrific couple,” Cal responded. “Well, we’re not a couple.” Kristy walked off the floor and sat down at the table. Cal followed her back to the table and stood over her with a puzzled look on his face. “Can’t you pretend? Just forget about who you are for awhile, let yourself go and have some fun. Who’s it going to hurt?” Cal asked. Kristy thought about Mack at home with Eleanor and Matthew, then thought about herself being alone for the rest of her life, and decided she could indeed pretend for the moment. She smiled at Cal and stood back up. “So when are we going to learn to Tush Push?” she asked. “Wait here and I’ll go request it.” Cal pulled a bill from his pocket and approached the band. They danced for hours. Kristy caught on to the basic western steps quickly and felt like she’d been doing them all her life. “I don’t remember when I’ve had this much fun. Can we come back tomorrow night?” Kristy danced all the way to the car. “Oh! I’ll need to go shopping. Do you think we can find some place that sells those cute little western shirts and cowboy hats?” “We can do anything this weekend that you want to. I’ll take you the street fair at the College of the Desert tomorrow. You can find a shirt and hat there. What else do you want to do?” “Let’s go downtown and walk around. I feel like spending money on myself. My friend, Carol, tells me I don’t spoil myself enough.” “Good friends usually know what we need to do better than we know ourselves.” “I think I’m finally ready to take her advice and indulge myself a little. Would that be too selfish of me? I mean, with Laura and Ronnie needing money all the time, should I spend some on me?” “Absolutely. You deserve it,” Cal answered. “You nurses work so hard all the time, saving lives and doing for others. I’ll be happy just watching you indulge yourself.” The remainder of the weekend passed in a blur. Kristy bought herself

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Medicinal Remedies little gifts, but also bought things for everyone else. She got a pair of gaudy earrings for Carol, a food dish that said Tuna Breath on it for Pooh, and Palm Springs tourist tee shirts for Laura and Ronnie. They lounged by the pool, ate out every meal, and went back to the Cactus Corral Saturday night. All too soon, they’d loaded the car and driven back to Los Angeles. Cal carried her suitcases to her door and stood quietly as she unlocked it. “You can put those down anywhere, Cal. Do you want some coffee? I’ll make some if you do.” Cal looked longingly into Kristy’s eyes and reached tenderly to brush a stray lock of hair from her face. “No thanks, Kristy. It’s late and I’ve got to go find a room for the night. Thanks for going with me. It was a great weekend.” “I had a wonderful time, too, Cal. I forgot all my problems for awhile. You were a gentleman and stayed true to your word. I thank you for that.” “Maybe we can do it again sometime. No commitments. Just good times as friends. Goodnight, Kristy.” “Goodnight, Cal,” Kristy said to his departing back. She closed the door and was suddenly overwhelmed by feelings of regret for what might have been. The old familiar waves of depression came crashing back. She turned to face multiple flashing lights on her answering machine and an indifferent cat lying in the kitchen sink.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 10 Kristy sighed as she exited the elevator and glanced towards the ICU. It was going to be one of those nights, she feared. Alarms and phones were ringing and medical staff was on the run. Two doctors were conferring at the desk--always an ominous sign. Carol bumped into Kristy as she walked through the door. “There you are! Where have you been all weekend? I’ve tried calling your house several times. Didn’t you get my messages?” “I called your house and left a message on your answering machine,” said Kristy. “Don’t tell me one or your sons erased it again.” Carol looked exhausted. She had dark circles under her eyes and her hair was escaping from the clips that were trying to hold it in place. “Really, I was worried. It isn’t like you to go off without letting anyone know where you’re going. Laura even called my house wanting to know if I knew where you were.” Kristy whirled around with fury. “Believe it or not, I went to Palm Springs with a friend. Besides, since when do I owe everyone explanations? I got your messages along with all the rest of the ones left by people who want something from me.” Her locker door slammed as she continued, “It never stops! Laura wants money, Mom wants me to come visit her, the nursing home wants me to do something about Mom, and you and the rest of the nurses here all want me to work extra on my days off so you can take it easy. You can all fuck off for all I care.” “Whoa...Wait just a minute. I’m your friend, Carol, remember? I’m not criticizing you. I was a little worried, that’s all.” Kristy hung her head in remorse, but wasn’t able to respond to Carol. Carol turned to leave the room. “I’m sorry if you feel I’m getting too personal,” she said quietly. “It won’t happen again.” “Carol, wait. I didn’t mean....” Kristy gathered her work tools from the locker, all the while waiting for Carol to come back so she could apologize to her. When she didn’t return, Kristy went out to join the others for change of shift report. “Boy, are we glad to see you guys! I thought this day was never going to end.” Margie sat down, pulled off her shoes and began massaging her feet. “They’re killing me, and so is my head. We’ve played musical beds all day.” Carol looked around the room to make sure the rest of the night nurses had arrived. “Has anyone seen Terri? She’s scheduled to work tonight.” “She’ll be here. She’s probably stuck in traffic. Let’s go ahead with report.” Margie organized her report papers. “309 is Mike McMurtry. He’s a 25 year old heroin addict and has Hepatitis B and C. So far his HIV test is negative, but you know how that can be. Anyway, Friday night he was drinking and also shot up. Apparently it was stronger than usual because he passed out as soon as it hit him. He had his left leg tucked underneath him and stayed in that position until a friend came in and found him about eight hours later.” “Oh God, don’t tell me.” Carol rolled her eyes. “You guessed it. His left leg was swollen three times its normal size and looked like it was ready to burst when he got here. He was also almost in respiratory arrest. We put him on a ventilator, gave him Narcan to try to reverse the heroin, and sliced his leg open before it completely cut off his

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Medicinal Remedies circulation.” “Sounds like my usual patients.” Kristy looked around the room. “Was the surgeon Dr. Steinberg? He enjoys filleting patients. He calls it a fasciotomy.” Margie laughed and continued, “Yep, it was Steinberg. Anyway, we got Mike off the ventilator on Sunday, but it looks like he’s had anoxic brain damage. He’s crazy now. He spits, bites, scratches, kicks, pinches, you name it and he does it. He’s a real gem. And, he’s a cash account. No money, no insurance, no medi-cal and no relatives. We’re going to eat this one big time. I think he’s a no code. If he isn’t, he should be.” An out of breath Terri rushed into the report room. “Sorry guys. There was a huge accident on the northbound 605. I was stuck between exits forever.” “That’s okay. We just started report and Kristy is going to have Mike since she’s all rested from her mystery weekend. I’ll tell you about Mike later,” said Carol. Kristy angrily flipped through the pages of Mike’s chart, certain that Carol was punishing her for having gone away for the weekend. She checked the chart for orders, double-checked the orders against the care plan, then wrote down all the times his medications were due. Reluctantly, she left the desk and walked into his room. “Hello, Mike. I’m Kristy, your nurse for the night. I’m going to check your blood pressure and temperature and then I have some medications to give you.” Kristy took the cover off of the dinner tray that was still on his bedside table. “You didn’t eat your dinner. Can I help you?” Before Kristy could react, Mike grabbed the bowl of split- pea soup from the tray and threw it at her. It landed between her breasts and started a slow descent downward. Her initial thought was that she should have worn her green scrubs instead of her white ones. Her next thought was that it was too bad Mike’s friend had found him before he was dead. He obviously wasn’t going to have any quality of life, and was a drain on society. The world didn’t need Mike in it. “I know you’re angry, Mike. I’m sorry you’re ill and in this position. Maybe it would help if you talked instead of throwing things at people.” She took a few cautious steps towards the bed. “You’ve been very sick but you’re getting much better. If we work together, I’m sure we can get you out of here in no time.” The slice of bread hit her on the temple. She was able to duck before the carton of milk whizzed by, barely missing her left ear. “I know who you are. You’re an assassin. You’re not going to take me alive. I’ve gotten out of worse scrapes than this before. You can just get your sorry-ass out of here right now, bitch. Don’t try your sweet talking with me. It won’t work. I know all of your tricks.” A karate chop blow with his right foot caught Kristy in the midsection, doubling her over. She slid into a recliner chair in the corner of the room and out of the line of fire. “Help. Help,” Mike screamed at the top of his lungs. “This bitch is trying to kill me. Someone help me. I want out of here. CALL THE COPS...HELP....” Mike’s shrieking drew the attention of Terri and Carol, who came on a run. “What the hell is going on in here, Mike?” Carol demanded. “She’s trying to kill me, Tonie,” Mike answered sheepishly.

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Medicinal Remedies “I’m not Tonie. I’m Carol, the nurse. Kristy is your nurse for the evening and she is absolutely not trying to kill you. You’d better behave yourself the rest of the night or you’re going to have to answer to me.” “I’m sorry, Tonie. I won’t yell again. I promise. Just don’t be mad at me, please. You’re my best friend.” “I won’t be mad at you if you don’t yell anymore, okay?” “Are you hurt?” Carol turned her attentions to Kristy. “You need to go to the ER to get checked out, don’t you think?” “No. Really, I’m okay. He just knocked the wind out of me.” “Are you sure you’re not hurt?” Carol gently brushed Kristy’s hair back from her face. “Why don’t you make out an incident report and go to the ER? You never know what might happen a few days down the line.” “I’m fine. I don’t want to bother anyone. Just make sure he doesn’t kill himself while I go find some clean clothes.” “I will. Take your time and go get a cup of coffee or something.” Carol patted Kristy on the shoulder. “I’ll watch Mike.” Kristy took the elevator to the ninth floor and quietly slipped into the dressing room. She grabbed a clean pair of scrub pants and top, tucked them under her arm and quickly left the room. Back on the elevator, she decided to take Carol’s advice about getting a cup of coffee, and punched the button for the ground floor. The cafeteria was empty when she entered, but someone had recently made a fresh pot of coffee. She poured herself a cup, then sat at a table to regain her composure. The hospital security guard appeared from nowhere and approached her table. “Where did you get those scrubs? The OB department is having a big problem with theirs disappearing.” “I’m borrowing them. I’ll return them when I work again tomorrow.” The guard didn’t miss a beat. “You’ll have to give them to me.” “Look at me. I’m a mess and my shift just started. I can’t work like this all night,” Kristy protested. The security guard shrugged his shoulders. “Can’t I sign out for them?” Kristy smiled at the guard. “I’m so dirty. I don’t want to work like this and I promise I’ll bring them back tomorrow.” “Hey, I’m just doing my job,” he said while holding his hand out. “Right. You’re just doing your job. And why weren’t you doing your job protecting me when a patient was throwing food at me and kicking me in the stomach? Where were you then?” Kristy stood up and threw the uniform at the guard. “This hospital is so damned cheap, and you’re an idiot.” “Come on lady, calm down. I’m just doing my job.” “Yeah, you said that already. Can’t you think for yourself? What the hell would it hurt you if I wore this stinking uniform for one night?” Kristy stood up and the guard took a step backward. “Would you want me to take care of you or your family member looking like this?” He held the uniform out to her. “You’re right. Go ahead, take it. I trust you.” Kristy had her hands on her hips. “I wouldn’t take those now if I was completely naked. You can have them, and don’t forget to put them where the sun doesn’t shine.” Terri glanced up as Kristy entered the ICU. “Where are your scrubs? Didn’t you find any?” “I did, but that asshole security guard caught me and took them away.” “Why’d you let him? He doesn’t even work for the hospital. He’s a

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Medicinal Remedies rental cop,” Terri offered. “He acted like he knew what he was talking about. And, I wasn’t very nice to him. He’ll probably complain, and I’ll get written up.” Terri patted her arm sympathetically. “We’ll stick up for you. You can put on a pair of patient pajama bottoms and wear an isolation gown to work in.” “I’ll do that. Besides, who knows what Mike will do next?” “Mike has been an angel since you left. He’s asleep now. I wouldn’t wake him until absolutely necessary if I were you,” Terri said as she went to check on her patients. Kristy sat down at the desk. “I’ll get my charting started. Uh-oh, here comes Carol and she’s pissed.” “If that old guy calls me Blondie one more time I’m going to put him down the laundry chute! He’s been doing it all week. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I tell him to call me Carol or Mrs. Adams. And, if that weren’t enough, every time I turn my back on him he pats me on the rear. Can you imagine? He’s ninety-four years old and still up to those tricks!” The nurses at the station dissolved into fits of giggles as they heard, “Hey Blondie, come here. I need help. HURRY! Blondie, where’d you go?” Just then, Kristy noticed movement in Mike’s room. “Oh shit. Look at Mike. He’s halfway out of the bed again.” “Mike. Where do you think you’re going? Get back in the bed.” As Kristy approached the bed she noticed a definite change in Mike’s appearance. His expression was one of tremendous fear. His skin was wet with perspiration, and had a blue cast to it. His heart rate on the monitor was rapid and his breathing was as well. “Help! I can’t breathe. Something is suffocating me. My chest hurts. Please, help me,” Mike called out desperately. Kristy rushed to the door of the room and called to Terri, who ran to her aid. “Mike’s condition has suddenly changed. He’s complaining of chest pain, and he’s short of breath,” Kristy said. Terri looked at the heart monitor. “He’s in tachycardia now. With his history of infection he could be throwing a pulmonary embolus.” “I think you’re right. Could you go get Dr. Mann on the phone for me while I check Mike’s blood pressure?” asked Kristy. Terri hurried back to the nurse’s desk to page the doctor. As Kristy checked Mike’s blood pressure she actually began to feel sorry for him. He was terribly frightened. However, her empathy quickly vanished when he pinched the soft tissue on the inside of her arm. “Ouch, damnit. That hurt. Why’d you pinch me? I’m not hurting you.” “You’re trying to kill me, and I know it. You’re the one that’s suffocating me.” Mike began coughing profusely, causing him to become even shorter of breath. “Kristy, Dr. Mann is on the line,” Carol called to Kristy. “I’m going in to give my little old lady a bath. She pooped all over everywhere. Call me if you need me.” Just as Kristy turned to leave the room, Mike coughed again and spat a huge glob of blood-tinged sputum directly at her face. It landed on her right cheek, dangerously close to her mouth. Her face flushed with anger as she realized with disgust what he’d done. She forcibly restrained herself from slapping him.

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Medicinal Remedies “You pig. You’re despicable. How could you do a thing like that?” Kristy asked while running towards the bathroom to wash the glob off. Mike snorted a laugh before starting another fit of coughing. Kristy hurriedly washed, then ran to the desk to pick up the call. Dr. Mann gave Kristy orders for lab work, x-rays, and medications to be started after listening to her describe her suspicions of a clot in the major artery leading to the lung. He also gave orders for morphine to relax Mike and make it easier for him to breathe. Kristy took her time writing and transcribing the orders. She glanced at the monitor at the nurse’s station and noticed that Mike was beginning to have some irregular heart beats. Ordinarily she would have been concerned, but her disgust at the patient she was caring for pushed the concern to the back of her mind. She rose from the desk fifteen minutes later and took a vial of morphine from the locked narcotic cabinet. She entered the room to find Mike lying quietly in the bed, his skin even wetter, paler and bluer. He was breathing shallowly and the irregular heart beats were more frequent. She called his name, but he didn’t respond. His eyes looked blankly in her direction. “Mike, I’m going to give you some pain medication in your IV. It will help your breathing. I know you’re having a lot of trouble right now, but you’ll soon be feeling better.” Kristy put the cuff to the portable blood pressure machine on Mike’s arm and set it to measure his pressure every fifteen minutes. The alarm sounded with the first pressure reading of 70/40. Kristy turned the alarms off and went back out to the nurse’s station. She completed her charting and sat quietly watching Mike’s heart rate becoming slower and slower on the monitor. “What’s going on with Mike? His heart rate is only 42. It’s never been that slow.” Carol shot Kristy an accusatorial look. “I medicated him with morphine and he’s quiet right now. I’m waiting on radiology to get here and do his x-rays so we’ll know what we’re dealing with.” “It looks like you better not wait too long. He’s having PVC’s now. You won’t have a patient to treat if you don’t do something soon. Have you gotten any blood gases?” “No, I haven’t.” Carol moved closer to Kristy and tried to get her attention. “Why the hell not?” Kristy still stared at the monitor screen. “I doubt if Dr. Mann is going to want to do too much based on his history and the fact that he’s a cash account. Besides, he’s a no code.” “Where’d you get that idea?” Carol asked. He’s a full code. This is the first time I’ve seen you make value judgments on a patient. What’s gotten into you lately?” “But, Margie said he was a no code ,” a puzzled Kristy replied. “Well, Margie was wrong. She assumed, and you know what they say about assuming. It makes an ass out of you and me.” Kristy jumped up and walked briskly to Mike’s room. He was in respiratory arrest when she entered. She pushed the code blue button and grabbed the mask and air bag to begin resuscitation. Carol pushed the emergency cart into the room. The nurses followed the protocol for codes, administered the appropriate drugs at the appropriate intervals, and continued artificial

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Medicinal Remedies respiration and cardiac massage for five to ten minutes before the emergency room doctor arrived. Dr. Steve Lester sauntered into the room. He was tall and handsome, with long brown hair and dark brown eyes. He had a naturally athletically slim body, which was fortunate since he detested sports of any kind. Steve, as everyone called him, looked like an overgrown little boy. Much of the time he acted like one as well. “Is this that druggy that came in awhile ago? What happened to him?” he asked. Kristy quickly brought him up to speed on Mike’s status and the recent development of possible pulmonary emboli. “Stop CPR for a minute. Let’s see if he has any rhythm,” Dr. Steve ordered. There was only an occasional blip on the monitor screen. “Okay, how much longer do you guys want to go?” he asked the nurses. They looked at each other and Carol finally said, “It’s up to you, doc.” “Let’s make it about five more minutes then.” Dr. Steve sat down in a chair to wait. Finally he said, “Let’s wrap it up. I want to get some sleep tonight.” Kristy called Dr. Mann to let him know what had happened. He declined doing an autopsy, and said he would sign the death certificate. He also told her she would have to call the coroner’s office since Mike had come in under the circumstances that he did.” The coroner wasn’t interested in taking Mike as a case. He told Kristy he was too busy with all the shootings and accidents in Los Angeles County to worry about a dead heroin addict. Carol and Kristy disconnected IV’s, cleaned him up as best they could, wrapped the body and transported him to the morgue in the basement of the hospital. When they got back to the floor, Carol said, “We need to go into the office and have a little talk. I’m really concerned about the way you handled this tonight.” Kristy sighed and reluctantly followed Carol into the office. She slumped in a chair and refused to look directly at Carol. “Level with me. What the hell went on tonight? You acted like you didn’t give a damn about this guy.” Kristy rolled her eyes and said, “I’m tired of everyone treating me like dirt. I’m always being taken advantage of. Tonight he cursed at me, threw the soup at me, and pinched me. How much do I have to take? Besides, I thought he was a no code.” “He was a sick person, Kristy, and you’re the nurse.” “The last straw was when he spit on me. I didn’t care what happened to him after that. I’m sorry, Carol, but that’s the way it is. I’m through taking crap.” “You know that he was psychotic, don’t you? He wasn’t in control of his actions. You know that. You’re my friend and I’m sorry I have to do this, but I’m going to suspend you for a week.” Kristy glared at Carol. “You know I can’t afford to be suspended.” “I realize that, but you leave me little choice.” They sat in silence until Kristy finally broke it with, “Look, I’m sorry. I just lost it. Why don’t you let me take a week of my vacation? That way I won’t lose any money.”

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Medicinal Remedies “Don’t put me in this position, Kristy.” Carol’s tone had softened. “I don’t know what’s going on with you but I’m worried. You’ve always been one of the kinder nurses.” Kristy began to cry. She emptied her pockets on Carol’s desk as she searched for a tissue. Carol pulled a box of tissues from her drawer and handed them to Kristy. “All right, I know you’ve been under a lot of stress. I don’t know what I’d suspend you for anyway.” Carol fiddled with her pencil and avoided making eye contact with Kristy. “I shouldn’t, but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt since this is the first time something like this has happened.” Kristy finally smiled. “It won’t happen again. You have my word on it.” “I hope it doesn’t.” Carol finally met her gaze. “Please don’t make me lose faith in you.” “I’ll go visit Laura and Ronnie. That should help. I’ll come back well rested and de-stressed.” Carol frowned, not at all sure that a visit with Laura and Ronnie was going to help the situation.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 11 Kristy tapped her fingernail impatiently on the table as she listened to the endless ringing of the phone on the other end of the line. Where was Laura and why didn’t she pick up? Breathless, Laura finally answered with a clipped, “Yeah. I’m here. What do you want?” “What were you doing?” Kristy asked. “The same thing I do all of the time. Changing Ronnie. I had no idea babies peed so much.” “Then you’ll be happy to hear I’m taking some time off work to come see you. I’ll take over the changing for awhile.” “How can you afford to take time off? If you’re on vacation you can’t work any overtime, can you?” Laura asked. “You may as well say the rest...I won’t be able to send you enough money if I’m off work. That’s what you mean, isn’t it?” “No. Well, maybe that’s what I mean.” Laura paused before saying, “Babies cost a lot and you know I can’t work right now.” Kristy felt the muscles tighten in her neck. She was going to have a killer headache if she stayed on the phone much longer. “Look, Laura, I’m exhausted and burned out. I need a break. Besides, I have too many holidays and vacation days saved and I’ll lose them if I don’t use them. That’s like throwing money away.” “True...that would be a waste. I’ll try to cut back a little here so it will be easier on you.” Kristy couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Laura never worried about conserving money. She spent every nickel Kristy sent her. Curious, Kristy asked, “Where can you cut corners? I thought you didn’t spend anything other than what you absolutely had to.” “I have Mrs. MacIntosh watch Ronnie once in awhile so I can get out. I pay her, of course. And, there’s my gym bill.” “What do you mean you pay Mrs. MacIntosh?” Kristy’s blood began to boil. “I work so you can stay home and not have to pay anyone. And the gym? I don’t even belong to a gym.” “I can’t believe you. I have to get out of the house every now and then. You don’t expect me to stay cooped up with a baby every minute, do you?” “Forget it. This isn’t getting us anywhere.” Kristy pinched the bridge of her nose and rubbed the inner corners of her eyes in an effort to destress. “We’ll talk when I get there.” “When are you coming?” “I’ll drive up on Friday after I do laundry and a little cleaning. Carol’s going to watch Pooh for me so I have to take him to her house.” “Why her house? Can’t she come to yours?” “Unlike you, I don’t like to inconvenience people,” Kristy said. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” “You know exactly what I mean.” “Whatever,” said Laura. “Look, I’ve got to go. Ronnie is squalling.” “Go take care of him. I’ll see you soon. Bye.” Kristy turned her radio on to her favorite talk show. Dr. Sheila was trying to talk a young girl into giving her baby up for adoption to a two parent family. Kristy thought about little Ronnie and how much she loved him. She knew, in her heart that Dr. Sheila was right. How was she going to be able to

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Medicinal Remedies make sure that he had a good life? Her sister was a flake, and Kristy couldn’t be everywhere. Ronnie should have been adopted out to an intact family. Of course, families don’t usually stay intact, anyway. These thoughts depressed Kristy too much and she flipped the channel to a country and western station. Smiling again, she began energetically cleaning the condo to the beat of the music. Soon the place was sparkling and her suitcase was packed. She had Pooh’s supplies ready to go as well. She could leave really early on Friday. A prickly, nagging feeling of unfinished business had started during the weekend she’d spent with Cal. She had to speak with Mack and get things squared away before she would ever be able to go on with her life. Her hand shook as she reached for the phone. “Dr. Grisham’s office. How may I help you?” the perky voiced receptionist answered. “I need to speak with Dr. Grisham right away. It’s personal and urgent. I’d rather not give you my name.” Kristy pursed her lips and held the telephone tighter in her hand. The receptionist reluctantly put Kristy on hold and Mack’s voice appeared on the line almost immediately. “Who is this?” Mack asked frantically. “Is there an emergency with my family?” “Mack, it’s me, Kristy. I know I’m not supposed to call you at work but I need to talk to you.” “You’re really out of line. You know that, don’t you?” “I’m sorry, Mack. I don’t want to cause you problems, but I have to see you.” “My receptionist is a good friend of Ellie’s. You could be causing me problems right now.” Kristy began to cry. Between sniffles she said, “I won’t do it again. All I’ve ever wanted is to love you. I wouldn’t have called if it weren’t important.” Mack softened his tone. “I’m sorry, Kristy. I’ll smooth it over with Ellie if she hears about this. I don’t know about tonight, though. I promised her I’d be home for dinner.” “Please, Mack. I’m going out of town on Friday. It has to be tonight.” “Okay. How about after dinner, say around nine? I’ll tell her I got paged and have to go see a patient.” “That’s fine. I’ll see you then.” Kristy hung up the phone relieved that this was one time she wasn’t going to have to cook a big meal for Mack. She poured herself a glass of wine and settled into her favorite chair to watch the evening news. There was nothing on but violence and death, so she turned the television off and picked up a romance novel. The hours crawled by. It felt like nine would never come. When it came and went with no sign of Mack, Kristy reached for the phone. “What city and state, please?” the automated voice asked. “Sacramento, California.” After a long pause, a live operator came on the line. “What can I help you with?” “Do you have a listing for Cal Harkinson?” “Thank you.” The live operator clicked her back to the automated system. Kristy jotted down the number, and then dialed it. Before it could ring, she heard a soft knock at the door. She quickly hung up and looked at the clock, noting that it was now eleven.

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Medicinal Remedies “Who is it?” asked Kristy through the closed door. “It’s me, Mack. Open up. Sorry I’m so late.” Kristy opened the door and took a close look to make sure it was Mack. He looked different. It took awhile to register that he seemed tired, older, and not quite as perfectly handsome as she’d remembered. “Come in. Can I get you something? A glass of wine?” “I need one. Red. A Shiraz if you have it.” “Sorry, will Merlot do?” She opened the cupboard for a glass. “I’d just about given up on you. I was ready to go to bed.” “Merlot is fine. Ellie was so tired tonight I had to help with the dishes. Then I put Matt to bed so she could take a bath.” He smiled his thanks at the offered wine. “I guess I took longer with Matt than I thought. I didn’t realize it was so late.” “No problem. You know I’ve got all the time in the world to wait for you. I always have had,” she said edgily. “Come on, Babe. Don’t get so uptight.” He took a step forward and caressed her cheek. “I told you things would be tough for awhile, but it will get back to normal soon, and I’ll be able to see you more.” Kristy jerked her head away and took a step backwards. “That’s why I called you, Mack. It’s time you’re honest with me. You’re never going to leave your wife and baby, are you?” He shook his head and reached for her hand. “I was honest with you. I told you I couldn’t leave until Ellie is back on her feet.” “At this rate Matt will be ready to graduate from high school before Ellie is healthy.” “She’s anemic and that makes her tired all the time. Matt’s a handful, too. He’s a demanding baby.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “Just be patient a bit longer. You understand, don’t you?” Kristy turned and walked to the door. Her eyes flashed with anger. “I understand everything for the first time in years. You are never going to leave your wife, you will never marry me, and you are incapable of being honest with me. I also understand I can’t go on like this and I want you out of my life.” “You don’t mean, this, Babe. You’re just upset because I was late.” She shot him a disgusted look. “I want to have a life of my own with someone who loves me and cares about me as much as he cares about himself. Let’s end this now before we really hate one another.” “You can’t possibly mean that after all the years we’ve had together. We’ve got history, Babe. We can’t live without each other,” Mack pleaded. “Why can’t I mean it? Don’t you think I want a family, too?” “Okay, I’ll level with you. I don’t think I can divorce Ellie and give up Matthew.” Mack raked his fingers through his hair. “That doesn’t mean you and I have to split up, though. Why can’t we go on the way we have been? Why wreck a good thing? We both get a lot out of our relationship, don’t you agree?” “I agree that you got a lot out of it, but I’m ending up with the short end of the stick. I think you’d better go now. I’m going on vacation for awhile and I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.” She opened the door and looked at Mack. He reached for her, put his arms around her and pulled her close. He tenderly stroked her hair while nuzzling her neck. “Don’t, Mack. Please don’t. It isn’t going to work this time.” He pushed her back against the wall and held her securely while he

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Medicinal Remedies forced his tongue into her mouth. She mustered all the strength she had, freed her arms, and pushed him away. “Stop, Mack. I don’t want you this way. Leave.” “Okay. I’ll leave you alone now but I won’t go away forever. We’re meant to be together. Goodnight, Kristy. I love you,” Mack said then walked out the door. “Don’t call that love, you fucking jerk,” Kristy shouted as she slammed the door closed. She crumpled into a sobbing heap on the floor, sure that her heart was broken in so many pieces that it would never mend. After several agonizing minutes, she stood and started towards her bedroom, turning off lights as she went. “Come on, Pooh. Let’s go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be here all too soon and I’ve got a lot to get done.” * Sleep eluded her. She thought of how tired she was of people trampling all over her. She vowed to change her life immediately. She was going to be in charge now. When she finally slept, it was fitful. Nightmares frequently woke her. One particularly disturbing dream had Kristy seated in a chair in the middle of a room. She was tied to the chair with hospital restraints and her mouth was taped closed. Patients by the hundreds filed past her, moaning and crying. The held their hands out towards her in a beseeching manner. Her loved ones were in the room, too. Laura kept asking for money, Ronnie cried and held his baby hands out to her, and Carol asked her over and over to work extra shifts. Her mom was there, as well, begging for Kristy to take her home. And, of course Mack was there. He walked in circles around her and whispered in her ear, begging her not to break off their relationship. There was a window in the room which depicted an idyllic outdoor desert scene that beckoned to Kristy. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get out of the restraints that bound her to the chair. She woke in a cold sweat and went to the bathroom to wash her face and change her drenched nightgown. When she finished, she returned to bed. She thought about the dream and what it might mean, and decided it had to do with her life spinning out of control. In a brief moment of clarity she saw it all. She’d given the power to other people, and the way to get her life back was to take the power back. Why hadn’t she seen it before? She’d respected herself and felt powerful when she’d helped Daisy Lawson and Charles Morgan die a more peaceful death. She’d gone against the established norm and the results couldn’t have been better. And Mike, too. He was much better off dead and it was a sure thing that society was better off without him. Feeling better than she had in days, she fell into a deep sleep. She woke at noon--which was no problem since all she had to do was shop for cat food and take Pooh to Carol’s house. * Pooh wasn’t happy about riding in the cat carrier, but seemed thrilled to be at Carol’s house. He sauntered about, flicking his tail from side to side, then hopped onto the clutter of her dining room table and fell instantly

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Medicinal Remedies asleep. “He wasted no time making himself at home,” Kristy observed. “I really appreciate you offering to watch him for me.” “Is there anything special I need to know?” Carol asked. “Just don’t let him outside. He’s an indoor cat and has never been outdoors.” “We’ll make sure he stays in. Have fun on your vacation and don’t worry about your baby.” Kristy hugged Carol. “Thanks so much. I really need this.” Carol held her at arms length. “I want the old Kristy back. This new one worries me.” “I’m the same old Kristy. I’m just tired.” Kristy averted her eyes and gave a nervous laugh. “I’d better go. I’m going to go buy a good romance novel for the trip and then I’ve got an appointment for a manicure and pedicure.” “Both of those sound like good therapy. Have fun.” “I will, Carol, and thanks again for everything. Kristy indulged in a Starbuck’s Mocha Frappuccino from the coffee bar in Barnes and Noble as she browsed the romance aisle. She pulled book after book off the shelf until she found one with a cowboy on the cover that bore a striking resemblance to Cal. She took it to the check stand, paid, and headed for home. For once there weren’t any messages on her answering machine. She kicked off her shoes, then fell onto the couch to start reading her new novel. She only managed two pages before she began to nod off, and reached for a piece of paper to mark her place in the book. On it was written Cal’s number. She stared at it for a moment before deciding there was no reason not to call him. They’d had a good time in Palm Springs, and she needed a friend. Her hands shook a little as she dialed his number. She was just about to hang up when he picked it up on the sixth ring. “Hello?” His voice was deep and he sounded sleepy. Kristy paused before asking, “Is this Cal?” “Yep, this is Cal. Who’s calling?” “...umm...umm...this is Kristy. Remember me?” He laughed loudly. “Of course I remember you, Kristy-girl. What’s up?” “Well, I’m going to take a little vacation and come up to Sacramento to see my family. I thought maybe you and I could get together for lunch or something.” “Hell, yeah. We’ll do a lot better than that. We’ll....” Kristy interrupted. “Only if you have time. I don’t want to be a bother.” Cal laughed again. “Hell, Kristy-girl. It’s no bother and I’ve got all kinds of time after I do my delivery run to Las Vegas.” “Great. Whatever is convenient for you,” Kristy could feel her tension loosen. “I tell you what. I’ll be back Sunday. You and I will go out to dinner Sunday evening.” “Sounds good to me. Shall I call you Sunday?” “Give me a call around three. I’m sure I’ll be home by then. I’ll make some other plans for us and we’ll talk about them over dinner.” “If you’re sure it isn’t too much trouble, Cal. I’ll call you then.” “You do that, Kristy-girl, and be prepared for a good time. Old Cal is going to show you just how nice he can be.”

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 12 Miles upon miles of golden brown California hills passed by in a blur as Kristy drove along Interstate 5. It made for monotonous driving, but she arrived in Sacramento sooner than if she’d taken Interstate 99. Laura answered the door with Ronnie cradled in her arms. “It didn’t take you long to get here. Did you break the speed limit all the way?” “Isn’t that what everyone does on I-5?” Kristy held her hands out towards Ronnie. “Give me that baby this instant.” She cradled Ronnie to her breast and kissed his baby face until he started giggling. “He’s really filled out since I saw him last. What are you feeding him?” “A ton of formula. He’d eat all the time if I’d let him.” Laura frowned at the happy baby. “What did you expect? He’s a growing boy.” “Yeah, but he wants to be held all the time, too. He drinks an ounce, then falls asleep for a few minutes, then as soon as I try to put him in his crib he wakes up and wants more to eat.” “He needs to be held and loved. He shouldn’t be in his crib all the time.” Kristy looked quizzically at Laura. “You don’t just put him in there and leave him, do you?” “Of course not. I’m glad you’re here to give me a break, though. I was about ready to give him away.” “Don’t you listen to her, Ronnie,” Kristy cooed to the bright eyed baby she held in her arms. “She doesn’t mean a word of what she’s saying.” “Bet me,” Laura said as she turned and entered the house. Kristy followed behind her, still talking to the baby. “You’re the sweetest little guy I’ve ever seen. Your Aunt Kristy loves you so much.” The house that they’d grown up in was unusually spotlessly clean. “This place looks great, Laura. Motherhood must have brought out the domesticity in you. How’d you get this organized?” “Well, to tell the truth, I’ve been paying Mrs. MacIntosh to clean while she’s here sitting with Ronnie. He sleeps so much I didn’t want her to get bored” Kristy couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She sat on the couch and tried to compose herself. Laura continued, “She comes in once a week while I get out to run my errands and go to the gym.” “Do you mean to tell me that you are actually paying someone to clean this little house so you can go off and play?” Kristy asked. “You aren’t even working. How could you possibly need someone to do your housework?” “I don’t have time to take care of a baby and clean, too,” Laura said incredulously. “Oh, please. You can’t, but Mrs. MacIntosh can. You’re still thinking only of yourself, aren’t you? I’ll bet you haven’t gone to visit Mom in the nursing home, either,” Kristy said angrily, then started to cry. “How can you let me work all that overtime just so you can take it easy? How can you use me like that?” “Hey, don’t cry. Why are you so upset? Being a mother is tough. You don’t realize how tough it is. I need all the help I can get.” Kristy stopped crying and glared at Laura. “If only I had your problems. I’d give anything to be a mother.”

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Medicinal Remedies “Then you should understand that I need to spend all my time with Ronnie and not waste it doing housework.” “But you’re not spending time with him when you’re shopping and going to the gym,” said Kristy. “And what about Mom? Have you been to see her?” “What’s the point? She rarely knows who I am when I visit her, anyway. Come on. Let’s take Ronnie for a walk down by the river. It will do us both good,” Laura suggested. Kristy handed the baby to Laura and started for the front door. “You take Ronnie for a walk. I’m going to unpack, take a hot bath, and try to calm down. I can’t believe I’ve only just gotten here and you’ve upset me already.” “Whatever.” Laura loaded Ronnie into his stroller. “I’ll see you later.” * The hot bath relaxed Kristy. Unpacking in her old bedroom, she began feeling pangs of guilt for exploding at Laura so soon after arriving. She should know better than to believe Laura would ever grow up and be responsible. Besides, it was her own fault. She was the one that had always done everything for Laura. She dressed in fresh clothes and entered the living room to find Laura quietly feeding the baby. “Laura, I’m sorry for jumping all over you. Let’s start the weekend over. How about we take Ronnie and go out to dinner somewhere? He’s so good he’ll probably sleep in his infant seat while we eat.” “Well...if you’re sure it won’t put too much of a crimp on your budget,” Laura answered petulantly. “I know a cute little family restaurant close by here.” They passed the weekend quietly in pleasant companionship, having forgotten their initial disagreement. Ronnie enjoyed the extra attention and cooed contentedly at his Aunt Kristy. Kristy was surprised to find herself getting nervous on Sunday afternoon as the time approached for her to call Cal. “What shall we fix for dinner tonight?” Laura called from the kitchen. “It’s Sunday. How about chicken and mashed potatoes like when we were kids?” “Oh, I forgot to tell you. I don’t think I’ll be here for dinner tonight. I’m waiting for a call from an old high school friend. He’s out of town but is supposed to get back today.” “What high school friend do you still keep in contact with?” Laura asked. “Cal Harkinson?” “We just got reacquainted. If he isn’t home when I call, you and I can go to Denny’s and get fried chicken,” Kristy said, trying to change the subject. Laura came out of the kitchen, drying her hands on a towel. “You’re not getting off that easy. Tell me about how you got reacquainted.” “I ran into him at a truck stop café on the way home from here the last trip I made. I guess I forgot that I’d mentioned it to you. Did you know Cal Harkinson?” Kristy asked. “Who didn’t know Cal Harkinson? I was just a kid but I remember him vividly. He was gorgeous in high school. What does he look like now?” “He’s still as handsome as ever. Actually, he’s even handsomer now that he’s older. He’s leaner, and he’s matured. He has those sexy blue eyes

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Medicinal Remedies and now there are faint laugh lines around them. He’s a terrific guy, too. We saw each other in LA awhile back.” “Oh...tell me more,” Laura coaxed. Just then the telephone rang. Kristy grabbed it on the first ring. “Hello. Petersen residence.” “Kristy?” a male voice asked. “This is she.” “This is Cal. I’ve been waiting for you to call but then I was afraid we’d gotten our wires crossed, so I decided to call you.” Kristy turned her back to Laura, who made no attempt to hide the fact that she was eavesdropping. “I didn’t think you’d be home yet. I was going to call in another half an hour. Do you still want to go to dinner?” she asked. “I’ve been chomping at the bit all weekend thinking about it. Can you be ready in an hour?” Kristy smiled and felt herself relaxing. “I can be ready in less time than that, if you like. I’m starving.” “I’m on my way. I know right where your house is. I looked it up after Palm Springs.” “You did?” she asked. “Why?” “I wanted to think about you growing up here. It’s kind of silly, but I wish I’d known you better then. Anyway, wear something warm tonight. We’re going down by the river and it could be cool.” “Bye, Cal. See you in a few minutes.” Kristy wore a little smile as she walked by Laura on her way to get ready for dinner. “Was that him? Hey, Kristy, I’m talking to you. Look at her, Ronnie. She doesn’t even hear me. She looks like an infatuated adolescent.” Kristy didn’t respond, but realized she did feel younger than she had in years. Cal really liked her and wanted to be with her without having ulterior motives. He enjoyed her company, and that was all he asked of her. It had been such a long time since someone had liked her just for herself. She took care while dressing to make sure she looked special. She brushed her auburn mane until it shone, then swept it up and clipped it with a butterfly clip. She chose a short denim skirt, a beaded tank top, kitten heels, and a Pashmina shawl that Mack had given her. Holding the soft cashmere wool to her face, she allowed herself one moment of regret before taking a last look in the mirror. She put all thoughts of Mack aside, and decided Cal would approve of her attire. “Wow. You look fantastic,” Laura exclaimed. Kristy smiled at the compliment. “Thanks. Don’t wait up for me. We may be out late.” Laura held Ronnie out for Kristy to kiss. “Goodnight, sweet boy. I’ll see you tomorrow.” * Kristy went out onto the front porch and sat in the swing that had been there for as long as she could remember. It still squeaked as she rocked back and forth. Memories of earlier years flooded over her. Mom and Dad used to sit in the swing on summer evenings. Kristy would be wedged between them with Laura always in Mom’s lap. Dad would tell tall tales to Kristy, his breath smelling strongly of tobacco and faintly of whiskey as he

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Medicinal Remedies spoke. Kristy was still not sure if there were fish the size of whales in the bottom of the Sacramento River. Dad swore on his honor, time and time again, that the sturgeon grew that big. Mom would sigh and roll her eyes whenever he started with his tales. “Carl, don’t tell her those stories. She’s going to have nightmares again. I don’t know why you insist on scaring her to death. There aren’t any fish that big in that river,” Ruth would say. “Ruthie, you know there are. You’ve seen me catch them. Tell Kristy about the time that big ol’ fish almost pulled me in and swallowed me whole,” Carl would insist. Kristy was so immersed in her memories that she almost didn’t notice the black pickup truck pull up to the curb. Cal bounded from the driver’s side-the huge silver belt buckle he wore reflected the streetlight. He wore his ever present cowboy hat, a fancy black cowboy shirt, new jeans, and his grey snakeskin boots. She held her breath as he approached the porch. “Evenin’, Ma’am. Ready to hit the old chow wagon and get some grub?” Cal asked as he bowed and tipped his hat to Kristy. “I am, Cowboy. Where’s your bale of hay and dog in the back of your pickup? I see the rifle rack, but no gun. How can you be a real cowboy?” “Well, Ma’am. Old Blue had to stay home and guard the ranch. I fed the hay to my horse, and I had to hock my gun to pay for dinner tonight.” “Very funny. Let’s go, Cowboy. I’m so hungry I think I could eat a horse right now,” Kristy said as she took the arm Cal offered her. She puzzled over how to get into the cab of the truck, which was elevated on oversize tires. Before she could decide just how to accomplish this, Cal clutched his hands around her waist and deftly lifted her to the seat. Kristy felt the strength of those hands long after Cal had removed them and gotten in on the driver’s side of the truck. “Kristy-girl, you don’t know how good it is to see you again so soon.” Cal flashed a dazzling smile. “I’ve thought about our weekend in Palm Springs a lot. I had a great time with you.” “I had a wonderful time, too.” Kristy returned his smile. “Where are we eating?” He put the truck in gear and started down the street before answering. “We’re going down to the river and eat at the Wharf Rat tonight. The dining room is built out over the water. It’s nice and quiet so we can talk. I’ve got some big plans I want to tell you about.” Kristy sat in companionable silence as Cal told her about his independent trucking business and the many places he drove. She felt safe in his company. Before long they pulled into the parking lot of the Wharf Rat. “Cal, look at the moon reflected on the water.” “It’s a beautiful evening, isn’t it,” he replied as he helped her down from the truck. The hostess greeted them with a smile adorned with braces and colored rubber bands. She looked about sixteen, and giggled when Cal called her Honey. She led them to their table on the deck overlooking the river. “Wow. What a fantastic place. How long has this been here?” Kristy asked. Cal signaled the waiter before answering. “About ten years, I think. They’ve got great food. What kind of wine would you like?” “I love chardonnay, but I’ll drink a red wine if that’s what you want. Mack always....” Cal gave her a puzzled look. “Mack always what?”

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Medicinal Remedies “Nothing, it doesn’t matter.” “It does to me, Kristy. What were you going to say?” “Just that Mack always wanted red wine and he hated white wine so I never ordered it.” “Well, we don’t give a rat’s ass what Mack wants now, do we?” Cal’s blue eyes pierced her soul. “If Kristy wants chardonnay, that’s what she’ll have.” She settled back in her chair, a Mona Lisa smile on her lips. She could get used to this man taking care of her, yes she could. Cal ordered a crab cake appetizer to go with their wine, and told the waiter, “We’re in for the long haul, so don’t try to rush us tonight.” He reached over and took Kristy’s hand. “Do me a favor, will you?” “What is it?” “Let your hair down for me. You’ve got it all clipped up nice and neat and I love seeing it fall down your back.” Kristy removed the clip and shook her head a little until her hair fell loose over her shoulders. “That’s better,” he said. “Now let’s get down to business. My next run is on Tuesday, and it’s a local one. I have a load to drop off in Redding. I thought you might like to go with me and then we’ll go up to Burney Falls State Park and go hiking. How about it?” Kristy was tempted, but guilt held her back. “I don’t think so, Cal. I promised Laura I’d help her out this week and give her a break with Ronnie.” “When are you going to give yourself a break?” he asked. He had a point. She was always helping everyone else, and it was just one day. “I guess it would be all right. It’s only one day. Tuesday, right?” “Yes, Tuesday, but I thought we’d spend the night up there.” “Camp out?” Kristy asked with trepidation. She didn’t particularly care for camping. “Nah. We’ll sleep in my rig. I’ve got a regular apartment in the cab.” “I don’t know, Cal. I’m not ready for that yet.” He threw back his head and gave a hearty laugh. “I don’t mean together. I’ll sleep on the seat and you can have the bed. I know the ‘just friends’ rule.” Kristy relaxed. “Okay. It sounds fun. I’ll do it.” “That’s my Kristy-girl. I don’t think this is the right time to bring up Lake Tahoe. I can see I need to work on you a little at a time.” He gave her a sly look. “Lake Tahoe?”

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 13 An exhilarating sensation of freedom consumed Kristy as she bounced along in the cab of Cal’s eighteen wheeler. The view of the passing countryside was unobstructed from her seat high above the other vehicles on the interstate. They were headed north towards Redding. The towns they passed were small with farms dotting the landscape in between them. Fields of crops were being harvested. “What are they picking out there?” Kristy asked. “Barley and corn.” Cal took off his cowboy hat and scratched his head before putting it back on. Kristy pointed to another group of pickers. “That looks like squash. It must be hard work.” “It is a backbreaking job.” Cal shook his head. “Those folks deserve every penny they earn.” The noise from the truck kept their conversation to just what was necessary. Kristy glanced at Cal every now and then and he gave her a lopsided grin. She found his weathered good looks more appealing every time she looked at him. “Look.” She noticed a field that was on fire, and excitedly pointed it out to Cal. “Should we call the fire department?” “Nah. They’re just burning off the rice fields to get them ready for the next planting.” “They do that on purpose?” “Yep. They’ve harvested all the rice, so they burn the field and then they’ll plow it under and plant some other type of crop.” Kristy frowned. “But it causes air pollution. How can they get away with it?” “Kristy-girl. Those old boys are so rich they can afford to buy off the politicians in these parts. Rice farming is big business up here.” “That’s not fair. Pollution harms the whole planet. Don’t they have any sense of responsibility?” she asked. “Guess not. Don’t get all upset.” Cal patted her thigh. “You’re supposed to be on vacation.” Kristy changed position so she could look out the driver’s window and not see the smoke. “You’re right. I guess I don’t live up here anyway, so it isn’t my business.” As the hours passed, Kristy thought about how her life might have turned out differently if she’d never left Sacramento. She wondered if she could possibly have married someone like Cal and lived a less stressful lifestyle. She thought about other people her age that still had two healthy parents and didn’t have to worry about an irresponsible sister. Her thoughts took her back to the events that had gotten her stuck living in Los Angeles. After finishing nursing school, she’d looked for jobs in the Sacramento area without success. Though there was always a nursing shortage, none of the hospitals she’d applied at wanted to train new graduates. Finally, after looking for weeks, she’d decided the only thing to do was to leave Laura in their house and go to the Los Angeles area for a couple of years to work and gain the needed experience. University hospital had hired her, without experience, to work in the Burn Unit. The pay was excellent and they’d given her the training she needed. When she’d met Mack, her plans to stay in Southern California for

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Medicinal Remedies only two years had fallen by the wayside. Kristy knew now what a mistake that had been. She was jolted back to the present when she realized they were turning off the interstate in Redding. “We’re almost there. Soon as I drop this trailer off at the store, we’ll head on up to Burney Falls,” Cal said. “Are you ready to do some hiking?” “I’m ready. I’ve got my hiking boots in my bag and I’m looking forward to getting out in nature.” They dropped the trailer off, then headed east of town on Highway 299. The road became more mountainous and winding and Cal drove slowly. Another thirty minutes went by before they came to the turnoff to McArthurBurney Falls. Highway 89 took them north to the entrance where they were greeted by a park ranger who looked at them as if he’d never had anyone check into the campground in a diesel truck cab. Deciding that there weren’t any regulations against it, he admitted them and gave them directions to their campsite. Cal had thought of everything. He had chicken and vegetable shishkebabs marinating in teriyaki sauce. Potatoes were wrapped in foil ready to cook in the charcoal coals he’d brought to start a cooking fire with. He had food for breakfast and had even brought marshmallows to roast later in the evening. He unloaded lounge chairs, sleeping bags, pillows and blankets to wrap up in when it got cooler in the evening. September nights were already quite cold in the mountains. He smiled as he held up a bottle of Clos du Bois Chardonnay. “You are one organized and thoughtful man, Cal Harkinson. Did you do all this for me?” “I did. For you, and for me, too. I love having you with me.” They were both a bit uncomfortable and sat in embarrassed silence until Cal broke it by suggesting they go for a hike. The quiet of the forest was interrupted by the sound of their feet crushing dried leaves and pine needles beneath them as they walked. They happened upon a startled group of rabbits hopping across the hiking trail, and were thrilled when they came upon a trio of young deer. The deer stood looking at them with their enormous, soft brown eyes before turning and bounding off into the woods. Their white tails flashed as they leapt over fallen logs. “Oh, Cal. They’re so beautiful they make my heart ache,” Kristy whispered. “Mine too, Kristy-girl.” Continuing on, they exited the woods and came upon a beautiful, serene lake with wild ducks and Canadian geese floating on the water. Cal told her they were at Lake Britton, which was fed by the Pit River and eventually emptied into Lake Shasta. Kristy couldn’t take her eyes off the tranquil scene. She looked in all directions and couldn’t find any people. Birds of all kinds abounded, but no people. Finally, she saw a tiny fishing boat far out on the lake and heard the faint hum of the motor. “I had no idea places like this still existed,” Kristy commented. “It’s almost like it hasn’t been touched by human beings. You know, living in Southern California makes me think the whole world is overcrowded.” “This place gets pretty busy in the summertime. We’re here during the

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Medicinal Remedies middle of the week and it’s the off season, remember?” Cal asked. “Yeah, I know, but it can’t possibly ever be crowded like I’m used to. I bet we’ll be able to hike for miles and not run into anyone.” “We better get going. We probably only have an hour of daylight left,” Cal said as he waited for Kristy to step in front of him. She turned to go, stumbled on a rock and started to fall. Cal reached out and caught her in his strong arms. He held her so tightly to his chest that she could hear his heart beating against her ear. “Careful, Kristy-girl. I don’t want anything to happen to you now that I’ve found you.” He held her away from him and looked into her eyes. “Kiss me and forget the rest of the world exists.” Kristy strained to meet him and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. Their lips met and the rest of the world did indeed go away. Reluctantly, they parted and walked hand in hand back to the campground. Cal started a campfire, then poured coals into the barbeque and lit them. He poured Kristy a glass of wine, got himself a beer, then pulled up a chair next to her. “Well, where do we go from here, Kristy-girl?” “I don’t know. I don’t know that we can go anywhere.” Cal took off his hat and inspected it. “Why not?” “My life is just so darned complicated and I’m not sure I have the time to complicate it even further.” “I’d like to think that I can help you uncomplicate things. I’ve done a pretty good job with my own life. I wish you’d let me help you out.” “How could you help me?” Kristy asked. Cal pondered this question before answering. “You could move back up here, then you’d be close to your sister and your mom. That would help right away. You and I could see each other more often then.” Kristy got out of her chair and turned her back to Cal. “Don’t push me like everyone else in my life, please.” Cal walked over to Kristy and put his hands on her shoulder while nuzzling the back of her neck. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you feel I’m pushing you into anything. You let me know when you’re ready. Old Cal will be here for you.” He left Kristy to her thoughts and began preparing dinner. Kristy watched him as he worked. He was such a handsome and desirable man, she wondered what was wrong with her that she couldn’t leave her past and try to build a new future with him. They ate dinner, finished off the bottle of wine, then huddled in blankets by the fire until it began to burn out. “Looks like I’ll have to put some more wood on or else we’ll have to go to bed,” Cal said. “It’s getting cold out here. What do you want to do?” “Let’s go to sleep. It’s so relaxing up here, and I’m getting sleepy from the wine. We can get up early and go hike to the falls.” Cal made a warm and cozy bed in the bunk of the truck for Kristy, and one for himself on the seat. He kissed her gently and tucked her in. She fell asleep instantly. It took him considerably longer to get to sleep knowing that she was so close to him but so far away at the same time. They woke early and hiked to the falls. Sunlight peaked through the enormous pine trees and a deer startled them when it bounded across their path.

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Medicinal Remedies “What’s that roaring noise?” asked Kristy. Cal smiled at her. “That’s the falls you’re hearing. It’s right around the next bend.” Kristy rushed ahead and stopped as soon as the falls were in view. “Oh, look at that. It looks like diamonds sparkling in the water.” Cal came up behind her and encircled her in his arms. “It always takes my breath away when I see the falls early in the morning with the sun shining on the water. It is a beautiful sight.” “There’s a trail going to the top of the falls. Let’s climb up there and see what it looks like from that angle.” Kristy broke free from Cal’s embrace and started for the trail. “Whoa, Kristy-girl. Wait for me.” They were breathless when they reached the top. A wooden bridge stretched over the small river that fed into the falls. They stood in the middle of the bridge and watched the water empty into the pool at the bottom. “Why didn’t I bring a camera?” Kristy asked. “We were in too big a hurry, and neither of us thought of it, I guess.” “I know, but this is so beautiful I’d like to have photos to look at and remember.” “I tell you what, Kristy-girl. We’ll come back. I promise.” “Really, Cal? You’ll bring me back some day?” He sealed his vow with a smile and kiss on her forehead. “Come on. Let’s go back to camp. I’m starved.” By the time they returned to camp they were invigorated and hungry. Cal built another campfire and put on a pot of coffee. He cooked them a hearty breakfast of pancakes, bacon and eggs. “If you keep feeding me like this, I’m going to weigh a ton. I hope you like hefty women.” “I’d like you fat, skinny or in-between, Kristy-girl.” Kristy wished she could believe him, but all the men she’d know before had complained when she put on a pound or two. Cal was saying this now, but she knew it wouldn’t hold true over the long term. “We’d better break camp. I need to get back and make a run tomorrow. I’d take you with me but it’s just to Fresno and back and you and I are leaving for Tahoe on Friday, anyway.” “I haven’t decided I’m going to Tahoe with you yet. We haven’t even discussed it.” “What’s to discuss? All you need to do is throw a few fancy clothes in your suitcase and we’ll head on out when I get back. It’s no big deal.” “Yes, but I came to Sacramento to see my sister and nephew, and to make sure things were okay with my mom. I haven’t really done any of that yet.” Cal began packing up and putting their camping gear in his rig. “You can spend the rest of the day today and tomorrow taking care of business, then I’m going to take care of you. Be ready Friday morning.” Kristy shook the crumbs from the breakfast tablecloth, folded it and placed it in a box. She gathered up the trash and placed it in the metal trash can with a secure lid to keep the bears out. She felt a bit uneasy at having been ordered to prepare to go to Tahoe, but his take charge attitude also gave her a feeling of security. “What kind of clothes do I need?” she asked as they loaded the last of their camping gear into the truck.

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Medicinal Remedies “Something fancy for the nighttime and just regular stuff for during the day. I thought we’d get all duded up and go to a show and then hit the casinos.” “I’ll have to go shopping and buy something. I didn’t bring anything dressy with me.” “Get something really sexy. I’ll teach you how to play poker, and then you can sit at the table and distract all the men so I can take them for all their money.” Cal laughed at what Kristy hoped was a joke. Her uneasiness returned briefly, but she managed to brush it off so as not to spoil the mood. “Come on, Kristy-girl. Let’s go.” They were back in Sacramento in no time and Kristy was filled with sadness as she crawled down out of Cal’s rig. He walked her to the door and kissed her gently. “Don’t look so sad. This isn’t goodbye. Friday will be here before you know it.” “I’m going to miss you, Cal,” Kristy said with sincerity. “No more than I’ll miss you, Kristy-girl.” She waved as he drove away, then turned to see Laura standing in the doorway. “Looks like you had a good time,” Laura commented dryly. “Come in and tell me all about it, and don’t leave anything out. If I can’t have a life, I guess I can live through yours.”

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 14 “Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” an animated Kristy said to the lump under the blankets. “We’re going shopping to buy me some new clothes. I’ll get Ronnie ready while you get yourself together. Hurry up. Breakfast is ready.” Ronnie burbled happily in his aunt’s arms. “What the hell’s gotten in to you?” Laura asked. “You realize it’s really annoying to be around someone so happy this early in the morning.” “I told you all about it last night. Cal and I are going to Tahoe tomorrow, and I need some dressy clothes.” “I thought you came up here to see me and Ronnie. You haven’t been to see Mom yet, either. What gives?” “I’m here now, aren’t I? I’m going to spend the day with you and Ronnie and we’ll all go see Mom when we finish shopping. Besides, this is my vacation. I’m thinking about myself for a change, and I like it.” Laura pulled the covers over her head and rolled into a fetal position until Kristy smacked her butt, hard. “I can see you’re not going to let up. What’s in it for me?” Laura asked. “I’ll buy you a new outfit, too, if you hurry,” Kristy cajoled. “I’ll be ready in a flash,” Laura said. Kristy fed, then bathed and dressed Ronnie, packed his diaper bag, and placed him in his infant carry seat. She sang to herself as she bustled about reheating breakfast. Laura soon emerged through the kitchen door, dressed for their outing. They ate quickly and were on their way. “Do you have any suggestions for shopping?” Kristy asked. “It’s been a long time since I’ve done any here. Where can I buy a nice dress?” “We could go downtown,” Laura suggested. “Or, there are some new malls around. I know. Let’s go to the mall that has Gottschalks. It’s a nice department store. I’m sure you’ll find something there.” They shopped for several hours, pushing Ronnie contentedly in his stroller. Kristy found two dresses she liked and bought them both. Laura was happy with a new sweater and denim skirt. They decided to stop for a light lunch, and talked nonstop while eating their salads. “I’ve been careful not to ask, but I’m dying to know what’s happened to Mack?” Laura paused, then said, “Please, just this one time, tell me about it without getting defensive. I do care, Kristy.” She searched Laura’s face and found visible sincerity there, so she began talking. “It’s finally over. I talked to him just before leaving to come here and told him I never want to see him again. I know he’ll never leave his wife and he’s just been using me all these years. I’ve been such an absolute fool, but I’m finally seeing things clearly.” “I hope so, Kristy. Just don’t weaken and take him back again. You’re not half the fool he is. How he could treat someone as kind as you so badly I’ll never know.” “Thanks. I appreciate your support and it does feel good to be able to talk.” “I’m just glad it’s over. Do you think there’s anything in the future for you with Cal? He’d be so good for you.” “We’re only friends. I don’t want to replace one relationship with

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Medicinal Remedies another so soon, anyway. I’ve got to get over Mack first.” “That’s probably a good idea. Don’t wait too long and let Cal get away, though. He’s quite a catch from what I can see.” “You little sneak. What are you doing spying on me like when we were kids?” Kristy laughed and playfully slapped at Laura. “Come on, let’s go pay Mom a visit and take her the stuffed cat we got her.” They walked out of the restaurant and drove to the nursing home feeling closer to each other than they had in years. * Ruth Petersen sat impassively in the front lobby. She offered no sign of recognition as Kristy and Laura approached. “Hi, Mom. We brought your grandson, Ronnie to see you,” Kristy said. Laura stood in front of her mother, holding Ronnie so Ruth could see his face. Ruth stared past her daughters as if they didn’t exist. “Come on, Mom.” Laura’s face reddened in anger and frustration. “This is why I don’t come to visit you more often. It’s such a pain. You know darn good and well who we are.” Laura thrust Ronnie closer to Ruth. “Why are you ignoring us? Look at my baby, Mom, or I won’t bring him back again.” Kristy gently pushed Laura away and spoke soothingly to Ruth. “Mom, look what we brought you. It’s a kitty for you to hold while you’re in your chair. He can sleep with you at night, too. He’s grey, just like my cat, Pooh.” Unable to resist the stuffed toy, Ruth finally turned her attention to Kristy. “Oh, brother. Typical. She’s never interested in us. She won’t even look at Ronnie, but she’ll reach for that stupid stuffed cat,” Laura huffed. “Be patient with her. She’s alone here all the time and can’t understand why we won’t take her home. Be nicer, will you?” Kristy admonished. “I want to go home. I want to go see Carl. Where’s Carl? Why does Laura have a baby? She’s too little,” Ruth questioned. “Mom, please. We go through this all the time. Try to remember. Dad is dead. He died a long time ago. Laura and I are grown up now. She’s not too young to have a baby.” Kristy looked pointedly at Laura. “Yeah, Mom. I’m a grown up lady. Look at Ronnie. He’s a beautiful boy,” Laura countered. Ruth finally turned and looked at her grandson. She smiled lopsidedly and reached for him with her one good arm. Kristy helped Laura position him in Ruth’s lap and stood cautiously nearby as Ruth held the baby. “He looks just like you, Kristy. Is this your baby? He’s got your hair and your eyes. Has Carl seen him yet?” Ruth asked quizzically. “There she goes again. I’ll wait in the car for you. I can’t stand this nonsense,” Laura said and stomped out to the car. “Mom, you’ve upset Laura. This is her baby, not mine. We told you that.” “No, this looks like your baby.” “Mom, it’s not my baby,” Kristy sighed. “I wish I could do something to make your life better. You must be miserable living like this. You don’t understand anything, do you?” “He’s a nice baby, isn’t he?” Ruth said, still smiling at the wide-eyed

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Medicinal Remedies infant. “Yes, Mom, he’s a nice baby,” Kristy conceded. Ruth held Ronnie a few moments longer, but started to get restless and push the baby away. Kristy took the baby into her own arms and sat in a chair near her mother. She watched as Ruth withdrew back into herself and wondered what private hell was going on in her mind. Kristy rose to leave. “Mom, I’ve got to take the baby and go now. Laura is waiting outside in the car. I’ll come back next week to see you.” Kristy bent and kissed her mother on the cheek. “Bye, Mom.” Ruth stared across the room, oblivious to Kristy’s goodbyes. Laura paced the parking lot. “Are the keys in your purse? Why didn’t you think to give them to me when I said I was going to the car? Now do you see why I don’t come to see her more often? She’s a blithering idiot. She doesn’t even know her husband is dead and she totally ignores me,” Laura fumed. “Calm down. I’m sorry I didn’t think of the keys.” Kristy held Ronnie out to Laura. “Here, take him while I find them. Mom can’t help the way she is. She had an injury to her brain and a lot of damage was done. She can’t control some of her thoughts. She knows Dad is dead but some part of her doesn’t want to remember. Why can’t you be more patient with her?” “Oh, Miss Perfect Person. Ever loving, ever patient, ever forgiving, and ever used and walked all over. You’re a pain in the ass,” Laura lashed out. Kristy quietly opened the door and climbed in. Sadness overwhelmed her as she felt their earlier closeness vanish in the angry aftermath of Laura’s tirade. They drove home in silence. Upon arrival, Kristy took her new purchases to her room and packed for her trip to Lake Tahoe with Cal. Not willing to risk another confrontation with Laura, she waited until she heard the television go on in the living room before venturing across the hall for a bath. An hour later she crawled into bed, grateful that in the morning she would be leaving. Cal was beginning to seem like the only bright spot in her life. She drifted off to sleep worrying that she was getting to be too dependent on him. She woke the next morning not caring whether she was needy. It was about time there was someone in her life she could depend on. She stood at the curb, suitcase in hand, and waited for her cowboy in the pickup truck. Her heart beat faster when his truck turned the corner and stopped in front of her. “Good mornin’ pretty lady. I guess you’re eager to get at those casinos. Think you’re going to win a bundle?” Cal asked. Kristy couldn’t take her eyes off him. His eyes were the bluest she’d ever seen though she realized it might have something to do with the turquoise western shirt he was wearing. “Say, Cowboy. Do you ever wear anything other than cowboy clothes?” Kristy asked. “Not that I’m complaining. I just don’t want to get used to them and then have you appear looking like a politician or something.” “Never. If I can’t wear my cowboy duds then I don’t wear anything.” “I went shopping yesterday and bought two really fancy dresses. You know what that means don’t you?” “You bet. It means you’re thinking about yourself for a change. Right?” offered Cal. “No, silly. It means that you have to take me to two different,

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Medicinal Remedies expensive places so I can wear them.” “I would have done that even if you were wearing your nurse’s scrubs. You look gorgeous wearing anything.” “Watch it, Cowboy. Flattery will get you everywhere, you know.” “I hope so, pretty lady. I hope so,” Cal said with a grin. Kristy blushed and climbed into the passenger seat while Cal loaded her suitcase into the back. She feigned interest in the passing landscape as they drove along in silence. Soon they were approaching South Lake Tahoe on California Highway 50. “Kristy-girl, keep an eye out for Tahoe Keys Boulevard. That’s where we need to turn left.” They drove a few miles further before they say the sign for Tahoe Keys. “There it is, Cal. The next stoplight.” Canadian geese had taken up residence on the lawn in front of Cal’s friend’s condominium complex. A half dozen stray cats stalked them and were completely ignored by the enormous geese, except for an occasional hiss and flapping of huge wings when a cat would get too close. Kristy was pleasantly surprised to find that the condominium was warm inside and someone had opened the drapes, placed a bowl of fresh fruit on the table, and a chilled bottle of wine in the refrigerator. “Cal, who did this? Are you sure we’re in the right place?” Kristy asked, confused. “It looks like someone is already here.” “No one is here. My friend has a good rental agency that looks after the place. They always make it welcome like this for anyone who stays here. Come on. I’ll show you your room. You can have the master suite upstairs, and I’ll take the bedroom down here. That way you won’t have to worry about me being too close,” Cal said with a twinkle in his eye. “It’s too early to get ready to go out anywhere.” Kristy smiled her thanks. “Shall we go for a walk by the lake? It’s been so many years since I’ve been here that I can hardly remember what the lake looks like.” “Sugar boots, we can do anything your little old heart desires. First I want to call and check in with my trucking company. Just to let them know where I am in case of an emergency.” “Since when do they care about their drivers on their days off?” Kristy asked. “They don’t really care. I’m just overly responsible, I guess,” Cal answered. “Now I feel a little guilty. I sneaked out of the house this morning without letting Laura know where I was going to be. We had a little tiff.” “Want to tell me about it? I’m a good listener, you know.” “Maybe later,” Kristy replied. “I’m not pushing. If you want to talk, I’ll listen. Come on and get your jacket on. Let’s go look at that big old mud puddle out there.” Cal took Kristy by the hand as they walked. The September air was crisp and cold, smelling of autumn and hinting of an early winter. The sky was filled with fluffy white clouds, which were reflected in the azure blue water below. An icy wind blew in off the water. Kristy began to talk, and for the first time in her life found herself opening up fully to another human being. Cal proved to be an excellent listener, never interrupting but instead offering his undivided attention. “I don’t know how to thank you for your friendship. I really need a friend now more than ever. It seems that everything has suddenly come

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Medicinal Remedies together and the weight of the world is on my shoulders. What am I going to do, Cal?” “You’re going to take things as they come and deal with it a little at a time. Don’t look at the big picture. It becomes overwhelming that way. Right now, though, you’re going to go back to the house and take a little nap. Then you can get all dressed up in your new duds and we’ll have a night on the town. That’s the best way to forget your troubles.” Kristy looked skeptical. “We need to put some fun in your life, and I’m the best guy to show you how. Let’s go, Kristy-girl. I’ll race you,” Cal said and started on a run back towards the condominium. He slowed after awhile and allowed Kristy to catch up with him. Laughing, they went inside to rest and prepare for their night on the town.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 15 Cal caught his breath and gazed in awe at the vision descending the staircase. Kristy was wearing a form-fitting black dress with spaghetti straps and a plunging neckline. It was long, with a layered, draped skirt that floated around her legs. She’d put on crystal chandelier earrings and a crystal necklace with a pendant that nestled into her cleavage. Her hair was piled on top of her head and held in place with black enamel chopsticks. Red curls escaped and framed her face. She wore four-inch open-toed heels, and she’d painted her nails bright red. She’d taken great pains with her makeup, and her lined eyes looked enormous. “Do you think I’ll need a coat? I really don’t have one that goes with the dress.” “Kristy-girl, you look so hot right now that I’m sure the temperature will rise fifty degrees wherever you go.” “Come on, Cal. I don’t want to freeze out there.” He reached into the coat closet and pulled out a sheepskin lined jacket. “Here. Wear this until we get there. I’ll drop you off at the door and you can run in and wait for me while I park the car. Course, maybe I’d just as soon you had it on inside if I’m going to leave you alone.” “Where are we going first?” “I’ve a favorite little French restaurant to take you to for dinner. Madame Bovary’s. It’s secluded and romantic.” Kristy raised one eyebrow and asked, “Do you take women there often?” “Never anyone as special as you, Kristy-girl.” Madame Bovary’s was hidden well away from the main street in South Lake Tahoe. The maitre d’ greeted Cal at the door as if he knew him well, and seated them at a secluded, candle lit table next to a fireplace. A waiter appeared with a bottle of chilled French wine and escargot in a spicy garlic butter sauce. Dinner was a long, leisurely process and two hours passed before they were served crème brulee and after dinner coffee. “This has been the nicest, most romantic dinner I’ve ever had. I know I ate far too much and I’m afraid I drank too much of that wonderful wine, but I don’t care. I don’t want this evening to end.” “I don’t want it to end, either. In fact, if you’d think about moving back to Sacramento, we could have lots of evenings like this. I haven’t spent my whole life in a truck. I’ve many more nice places I’d like to take you.” Cal took both of her hands in his. “What do you say, Kristy? Come back to Sacramento. I’d really like to start a life with you.” “Oh, Cal. I don’t know if I’m ready. Let’s not talk about it tonight. I don’t want anything to ruin this evening. I’m ready to go gamble. You promised to teach me.” They rose to leave and Kristy was surprised to see the waiter and maitre d’ nod to Cal as he left. “Did you forget to pay the check? I didn’t see you. Why didn’t they say something when we left?” “Don’t you worry your pretty little head. I took care of everything before we got there. Now, let’s go play blackjack.” Cal drove to the front of Caesar’s Tahoe and turned his pickup truck over to the valet. Kristy waited patiently until he opened the door and lifted her to the ground. Cal took off the sheepskin jacket he’d given her to wear and tossed it on the seat. Taking her by the arm, he guided her to the

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Medicinal Remedies entrance while the valet watched in envy. “This looks like it’s going to be fun,” Kristy exclaimed as they entered the casino. “What shall we play first? I feel like a kid in a candy store.” “Whoa, let’s go a little slower here. I don’t want to lose all my money in the first half hour. Let’s find a five dollar blackjack table so I can teach you how to play.” Cal chose a table with two other players. “Here. This table is almost empty. It will be a good place for you to learn.” He helped her onto the tall stool and handed her a hundred dollar bill. “Here’s your seed money. Let’s see what you can do with it.” She gave the bill to the dealer who then pushed her a stack of chips. She shot Cal a questioning look. “Put a five dollar chip out in front of you. That’s your bet for this hand.” “What now?” Kristy asked. “Just wait until the dealer gives you your two cards and deals herself two cards.” Kristy watched as all the cards were dealt. The dealer had one face down and an eight of hearts face up. Cal whispered in her ear, “The dealer has an eight showing. The goal is to get as close to 21 as possible without going over. The eight is going to make it hard for the dealer since if she has a high card face down then she can’t draw anymore. Now look at your cards and let’s see how you did.” Kristy picked her cards up and held them so she and Cal could see what she’d drawn. She had a Queen of Clubs and an Ace of Spades. She smiled at Cal. “I think that’s enough, isn’t it?” she asked. “You bet it is, Kristy-girl. Turn them over and she’ll pay you right now.” Kristy caught on rapidly. It seemed she could do no wrong and she doubled the one hundred dollars Cal had given her in no time. She had the Midas touch. The table had filled with men who smiled and flirted shamelessly. Her eyes sparkled like an excited child. Animation lit up her face. The dealer and the other players were all caught up in her enthusiasm. Soon there were people standing around watching the group. Everyone was cheering for Kristy. “Oh, I got another blackjack. I can’t believe it. I’ve never been this lucky in my life. Cal, just look at all the money I have. Cal, where are you? Cal?” At first, she couldn’t locate Cal, who had been pushed away from the table by onlookers. Finally, she spied him leaning on a pillar, watching her. He smiled when their eyes met. Kristy gathered up her chips, first filling her purse then a plastic cup the dealer handed her. The onlookers disappointedly wandered away when they realized she was finished playing. “Let’s go cash this in, and I’ll buy you a drink,” Kristy suggested. “We’ll cash it in but you’re going to keep all your winnings. Tonight is my treat, remember?” Cal answered. “All right, Cowboy. You’re the boss.” The lounge was dark and almost empty. A guitarist played quietly in the background. Cal found a secluded booth and stood aside for Kristy to slide in. A waitress appeared immediately and Cal ordered a bottle of Dom Perignon, vintage 1980.

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Medicinal Remedies “That stuff costs a fortune. A bottle of California wine would have been fine,” Kristy protested. Cal took both her hands in his and gazed into her eyes. He leaned towards her and gently kissed her lips. Kristy closed her eyes and returned his kiss, all the while imagining that time stood still and the world was a perfect place where nothing would ever go wrong again. “Nothing is too good for you, Kristy-girl. I’ve waited my whole life for you, and now that I’ve found you I’ll do anything to hold on. I’m in love with you, whether you’re ready or not.” Kristy smiled and touched her palm to his cheek. “You’re so good to me, Cal. No one has ever treated me this way.” “Give us a chance. We could have a wonderful life together.” Kristy’s smile faded a bit. “I believe in you, Cal, but I don’t believe in myself. I’m always fouling things up, and I don’t want to take you down with me.” Cal frowned. “What on earth do you mean?” “Nothing. I don’t mean anything. It’s just my negativity showing. Forget I said it.” She smiled her brightest smile and reached for her glass of champagne. “Umm, this is wonderful.” They sat quietly, drinking their champagne and listening to the guitarist. “I can’t believe we drank that whole bottle. I’m feeling a little tipsy,” Kristy said. “You don’t want to leave yet, do you?” Cal asked. “The night is still young.” “Whenever you’re ready.” “Old Cal still needs to play a few hands of poker. That’s my game. Care to watch?” “Sure. As long as I don’t have to play.” “All you need to do is sit there and look pretty. Your job is to distract the other players.” The atmosphere in the poker room was different from the blackjack table. The poker players were much more serious and businesslike. Cal sat down at a Texas Hold’em table and pulled out a huge wad of bills. The pit boss nodded to him in recognition and brought a chair for Kristy. Cal’s favorite brand of beer appeared magically along with a glass of California chardonnay for Kristy. Puzzled, Kristy sat back and watched as Cal won hand after hand. He virtually ignored her except to turn and smile in her direction every now and then. “She’s a keeper, isn’t she boys?” Cal asked the other players at the table, who all murmured their agreement. After what seemed like hours, Cal finally rose to leave. “Goodnight, boys. Thanks for your hospitality.” The men at the poker table didn’t return his thanks, and glared at him as he picked up his chips. Cal didn’t seem to notice their animosity and continued smiling as he helped Kristy to her feet and guided her out of the poker room and over to the cashier. “What was that all about, Cal? I didn’t feel very comfortable in there,” Kristy said. “Just a friendly game of poker among friends, Kristy-girl.”

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Medicinal Remedies “You just cashed in several thousand dollars worth of chips. That doesn’t seem very friendly to me, and those guys weren’t very happy.” “Well, you win some and you lose some. Tonight was my night to win. I had my lucky charm by my side and they’re a little sore because it was their night to lose.” “Your lucky charm? Is that what I am?” Cal hugged her to him and said, “You’re much more than that. Let’s go home and I’ll show you what I mean.” Kristy allowed herself to be propelled out of the casino. Cal had her wait inside the door until the valet brought his pickup truck, then helped her inside and put his sheepskin jacket around her. “I don’t like it, Cal.” “What?” He laughed. “I’m feeling used.” “I just used you a little to distract those old boys. What’s wrong with that?” “I don’t like being used. You know that. I’ve told you before how everyone in my life uses me. I thought you’d be different.” “Old Cal is different, Kristy-girl. Don’t take everything so seriously. We were just having fun tonight. Don’t ruin the evening.” “I’m not the one that ruined the evening.” Kristy slid to the far side of the seat and leaned on the passenger side door. She pulled the sheepskin jacket tightly around her and looked intently out the window at the passing cars. For one brief moment she’d allowed herself to think that there might be a future for her with Cal, but she now realized how wrong she’d been. He was no different than any of the other people in her life. He wasn’t perfect. He was a user, just like everyone else. She pulled further into herself and stopped listening to his idle chatter as he drove them home. Upon entering the condo, Cal took Kristy’s chin in his hand and looked into her eyes longingly and questioningly. She pulled away. “I have to call Laura and let her know we got here safely. She’ll be worried.” “Not now, Kristy-girl. Not now.” “Yes, now. Then I’m going to bed. Alone.” She could feel his eyes on her back as she walked to the phone, picked it up and dialed Laura.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 16 “Cal. Wake up. Take me back to Sacramento.” Cal rolled over and squinted his eyes against the morning light. “What time is it?” “It’s six thirty in the morning. I’m packed and we need to leave soon.” Fully awake, Cal swung his legs over and sat up on the side of the bed. “We have this place for several more days. Why do we have to leave right now?” Kristy scowled at him. “Consider yourself lucky that I didn’t make you drive back last night.” “Kristy-girl, I don’t understand what’s wrong. Things were going so good for us.” “I have to go back to LA today. Carol called Laura because five of the nurses on the night shift are out sick, and she needs me to work.” Kristy dragged Cal’s suitcase out of the closet and started throwing his clothes in. “What about us?” Cal stood on the other side of the room, clad only in his boxer briefs. “Us?” Kristy glared at him. “There is no us, and there never was.” Cal placed his hands on his hips and took a few steps towards Kristy. “Come on, now. We had a good thing going. I was thinking we were gonna have a future.” Kristy held her hand out towards Cal, the palm facing him in a stop gesture. “I would never consider a future with a user. Never. Now don’t come any closer.” Cal ignored her warning words and took two more steps before a wooden hanger whizzed by his head. “What the hell?” He jumped back. “Get dressed, get the rest of your stuff packed, and take me back to Sacramento. NOW!” Kristy shouted. “What is wrong with you, girl? You’re acting crazy.” Kristy gasped and pierced Cal with a look of fury. She stood perfectly still, except for her hands that were methodically ripping Cal’s favorite cowboy shirt to shreds. “That’s my best shirt. What the hell are you doing?” “Just be glad I’m doing this to the shirt and not you.” She pulled the buttons off one at a time and threw them at his chest. Cal shook his head and turned away. He reached for his Levis that were on a chair at the foot of the bed and put them on. “I sure read you wrong, woman.” “I can say the same thing about you, man.” She dropped the shirt on the floor and started for the door. “Let me clue you in on something, though.” “What’s that?” Cal asked. “Don’t ever call me crazy again. You’ll be dreadfully sorry if you do.” * “Hi, Laura. Where’s my baby?” Kristy scanned the living room. “He’s in his crib, napping.” Laura looked out the door. “Cal took off really fast. Why didn’t he come in?” Kristy put her suitcase down and sat on the sofa. “He didn’t come in because it’s over between us.”

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Medicinal Remedies “Oh, God, Kristy. He was the best thing that ever happened to you. What did you do?” “What did I do? Why do you assume it was me?” Kristy spat the question at Laura. “I know it was you. You don’t believe you deserve anything better than that dirtbag Mack.” “For your information, Cal was using me. Just like all men.” Laura sighed in exasperation. “But he wasn’t like other men. He was perfect.” “That’s what I thought, too,” Kristy replied. “I knew he would show his true colors sooner or later, and he did.” “What exactly did he do that was so bad?” Laura asked. “He had me get all dressed up. Then he took me to dinner and got me drunk on champagne. And then he made me go gambling.” “Go on, I haven’t heard one bad thing yet.” “Well, after I gambled awhile, he made me go watch him play poker for lots of money, and I had to sit there to distract the other players.” “Oh, for shit’s sake. What’s wrong with that?” “He used me. That’s what’s wrong. He used me and I trusted him with all my heart. I trusted that he wouldn’t hurt me and he did. That’s the last time I trust anyone. Ever.” Kristy started to cry, but brushed the tears away and headed for Ronnie’s room. “I want to see my baby before I leave for home.” “What do you mean go home?” Laura asked. “Your vacation isn’t over yet.” “After I talked to you, I called Carol. All hell has broken loose down there. The units are all full, Terri sprained her ankle and can’t work, Gina’s mother is dying so she had to fly back east, Melissa hurt her back on a patient and is out on Worker’s Compensation, and Tom quit. To make matters worse, Carol can’t get enough agency nurses to cover since all the other hospitals in the area are busy, too. I have to go back to work.” Kristy paused and looked at the orchid plant Laura had placed on the television. They were so beautiful and looked so real that Kristy walked over to the plant and touched it before realizing it was artificial. “You know, Laura. This plant is a lot like life. You get seduced into thinking there’s hope and beauty, but when you get too close, you realize it’s all a big fake.” * Melancholy accompanied Kristy all the way home to Southern California. Pooh greeted her at the door and a note from Carol was on her kitchen table. “I brought Pooh-Bear home so you wouldn’t have to come in to an empty house. He was a good boy--for a cat, that is. I hope he didn’t get too fat. He ate all the time. Thanks again for coming home on such short notice. I’ll see you at work tomorrow night.” It was signed, “With love and kisses, Carol.”

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 17 “Carol, come over here and help me turn granny.” Kristy poked her head out from behind the curtain providing privacy for her patient. “I think she pooped again.” “Not again. What’s wrong with her?” “I’m sure it’s the tube feeding. They increased it this morning and ever since she’s been going non-stop.” “Don’t you have a cork?” Carol asked. “I’m really getting tired of this shit.” “Me, too. Literally,” Kristy replied. “Her doc wouldn’t give me an order for Imodium or Lomotil, either.” “I’d like to see them come in here and clean up shit once in awhile,” Carol commented. “Yeah, like that would ever happen.” “I missed report. What happened to this lady?” Carol had donned her gloves and turned the patient onto her side for Kristy. “It’s sad. She has Alzheimer’s and lived in a board and care home.” “One of those run by foreigners?” Carol asked. “Aren’t they all?” Kristy replied. “Anyway, she was ambulatory and went into the kitchen and pulled a pot of boiling soup off the stove.” “Oh no, don’t tell me.” “She poured it over her hand and arm before anyone saw her, panicked from the pain, slipped in the spilled soup and fell. She broke her hip when she hit the floor.” Carol looked puzzled. “Her hip incision is all healed. How long ago did that happen, and why is she here now?” “She was in a nursing home using her Medicare skilled days for rehabilitation, but developed pneumonia and a urinary infection. Now she’s septic, and to make matters worse, she had a stroke.” “That explains the coma and the respirator. Does she have family?” Carol asked. Kristy smiled. “She sure does. Her name is Agnes Daily. Her son is the famous attorney, Harvey Daily.” Carol raised her eyebrows. “Does he take time out of his busy schedule to visit his mother?” “Rarely, but he calls every shift to harass the nurse that is caring for his mom.” “Have you had the pleasure of talking to Harv yet this shift?” Carol asked as they finished cleaning and turning Mrs. Daily. “He called while you were on break. He’s really obnoxious. Know what he asked me?” “No, what?” Carol asked. “Do you have any idea who I am, young lady?” Kristy mimicked his nasal tone. “When I said no, he said, ‘Well you should. I’m in the papers and on the television news often enough. Perhaps you don’t read and only watch reality shows on TV.’” Kristy shook her head. “What an ass.” Carol laughed. “You’d better watch it, though. The supervisors are always on us to be careful with the lawyers. The hospital is so afraid of lawsuits.” “He sure cross examined me when he called tonight. I tried to talk to him about a DNR order but it just pissed him off. It pissed him off even more when I told him I wanted to get her some pain medication.”

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Medicinal Remedies “What’s his problem?” Carol asked. “He wants everything possible done for her, and he’s afraid if she has pain medication she’ll go deeper into a coma.” “He’s in a bit of denial, isn’t he?” Kristy rolled her eyes. “Tell me about it. He asked all about her meds, lab values, what her vital signs were, and whether the doctors had been in today. I sort of left out the part about her having premature ventricular contractions.” “PVC’s? Does she have Lidocaine ordered?” Carol asked. “I’ve been putting off calling her doc thinking maybe she’ll go into ventricular fibrillation and save us the trouble.” Kristy picked up a vial from the bedside stand. “Kristy, remember the little incident with Mike right before you went to Sacramento?” Carol looked at Kristy, an accusatory expression on her face. Kristy waved her hand at Carol dismissively. “Look at this. The label on the potassium is now the same color as the label on the saline vials. Did the hospital switch brands?” “Probably. They buy from whatever manufacturer is the cheapest,” Carol replied. Kristy continued, “This could be dangerous. Think of how easy it would be to grab potassium instead of saline.” Carol began to tidy up Mrs. Daily’s bedside stand. “I noticed that myself. You could kill someone if you shot them up with the whole vial of potassium.” “Really stupid of the drug company, don’t you think?” “Don’t you think you’d better call the doc about her PVC’s? I’d hate for her to go into V-fib and have Harvey find out you hadn’t done anything about them,” Carol said. Kristy looked at the pile of heart monitor strips she’d accumulated but hadn’t put in Mrs. Daily’s chart. “I’ll call in a minute.” “Please make sure you do. Look, I have to go do something about tomorrow’s staffing. I’ll be in the office making phone calls to try to find someone to work. Call me if you need me,” Carol said as she left the unit. Kristy sat at the desk to chart. She found it hard to concentrate since she kept thinking about how much the normal saline and potassium vials looked alike. It would be so easy to mix the two up and give the wrong medication. Normal saline would never be harmful, but the potassium would cause heart irregularities that could kill. Actually, since both normal saline and potassium are naturally found in the body, it wouldn’t be unusual for someone in Mrs. Daily’s condition to have a high potassium level. After all, her kidneys and heart were failing. That arrogant ass, Harvey Daily, would never know the difference. Kristy stood and calmly walked back to the bedside, a vial of potassium chloride in hand. Her heart raced as she drew the medication up into a large syringe and injected it rapidly into Mrs. Daily’s central line. Kristy dropped the vial into the closed plastic discard box mounted on the wall. She slowly turned to look at the heart monitor. Mrs. Daily’s PVC’s had increased so that every other heartbeat was a premature complex. “Debbie, push the button and run me a rhythm strip, please,” Kristy called to the nurse that was sitting at the desk in front of the central monitor system. “Shit, When’d she start that?” Debbie asked as she pushed the button. “Want me to get some Lidocaine?”

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Medicinal Remedies “Yeah. I’d better bolus her,” Kristy replied. Debbie brought the premixed syringe of Lidocaine and watched the heart monitor as Kristy gave the drug. “Well, that did nothing.” Debbie shook her head. “Want another bolus?” Kristy nodded and Debbie handed her another syringe of Lidocaine. “Oh, great. Now she’s in V-fib. Push the code button and grab the cart,” Kristy directed. Kristy knew they’d have to go through the motions of a code blue, but was certain nothing they did would matter. Just to be on the safe side though, she injected the second dose of Lidocaine into the sheet instead of Mrs. Daily after first making sure Debbie was looking elsewhere. Respiratory therapy, Carol, and the emergency room doctor along with several ICU nurses arrived. When they heard the age and diagnosis of Mrs. Daily, they simultaneously slowed their actions down. The ER doctor, Dr. Harcourt, shook his head in disgust. “Why is she a full code? This is a big waste of time. Where’s her quality of life? Does she have family?” “She’s a full code because her son is a lawyer and insists that we do everything possible to save her,” Kristy answered. “What are we supposed to do? Her lawyer son is calling all the shots.” “I guess we’d better run this awhile. Document well. I’m giving it thirty minutes, then that’s it. The ER is full,” Dr. Harcourt sat on a chair at the bedside to supervise the code blue team at work. “I gave some atropine, now I’m giving epinephrine,” Debbie said. “She’s still in V-fib. It’s such a fine fib that it looks more like asystole. We’ve defibrillated her three times without success. Shall we try again?” “Give her some more Lidocaine first, then stop CPR and let me see the monitor,” Dr. Harcourt answered. “Okay, I don’t see much of a rhythm there. Continue with meds only.” Thirty minutes later he said, “That’s it. Stop the code. We did plenty and she didn’t respond. Let me review the code form.” “You did a thorough job of documenting. This should hold up in any court of law,” Dr. Harcourt complimented Lucy, the hospital nursing supervisor. “Okay kids, the show’s over,” Carol said to the ICU nurses as Dr. Harcourt left the unit. “Back to your patients. Everyone needs to bathe at least one so the day shift doesn’t have as much to do. I’m not having any luck finding people to work tomorrow, as usual.” When they’d all left the bedside, Carol turned to Kristy and said, “So, you didn’t call her doctor, did you? I hope you didn’t put any strips with PVC’s on the chart before she coded.” “I was just getting ready to call her doctor when it happened. I’m sorry, Carol. I guess I waited a little too long. I didn’t think her PVC’s were that ominous. All old people are entitled to a few now and then,” Kristy joked. “Yeah, I know. It’s actually a blessing. I’m not calling Harvey for you, though. You’re on your own for that one,” Carol said. “He’s going to be really upset. I’m not looking forward to it,” Kristy lied. Ordinarily, calling a family member to tell them their loved one had died was the worst part of Kristy’s job. The thought of telling Harvey actually brought Kristy pleasure. He’d been so rude to all of the nurses, but the worst part was how he’d insisted on torturing his poor old mother for so long by

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Medicinal Remedies insisting everything be done, and refusing to allow her pain medications. Kristy really loved the elderly people she cared for and couldn’t stand seeing them in such misery. She also detested being forced to do things she didn’t feel right about, and keeping Mrs. Daily alive was definitely the wrong thing to do. Mrs. Daily had needed a little nudge to help her out of this world of pain. Kristy felt justified and proud of having taken a stand, even though no one knew about it but her. Somehow she felt a little stronger, a little more in control of her life. “Hello, Mr. Daily? This is Kristy Petersen at Memorial Hospital. I talked with you earlier.” “What’s the bottom line?” Harvey Daily asked. “Why are you bothering me now?” “I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, but your mother passed away a few minutes ago.” There was no response from Mr. Daily. Kristy waited for several long, silent seconds, then chattered on, “Your mother was doing the same, but then all of a sudden she started having irregular heart beats. They didn’t respond to the emergency medications I gave her and we ended up calling a code blue. She didn’t respond to anything we did. We just couldn’t get her heart started again.” “Let me get this straight. Are you telling me that my mother suddenly went from being stable to dying?” Harvey asked. “How do you explain that?” “Well...she was stable when I talked to you earlier, but you have to remember she was still critically ill. She was an elderly woman with a lot of health problems. It’s my feeling that her heart just wore out. I’m sure you understand that that happens frequently. Anyway, she’s at peace now.” “No, I don’t understand. You tell her doctor that I want an autopsy done to determine the cause of death,” Harvey said before banging the phone down in Kristy’s ear.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 18 “How am I going to get my Christmas shopping finished? Will someone please tell me that? Every time I have a day off I end up having to come in to work. I don’t think we’re ever going to slow down,” Carol complained. “Why don’t you just give your sons money? That’s all they really want anyway,” suggested Terri. “Because they have no common sense,” Carol answered. “They want clothes, but they won’t shop the cheaper department stores, and they won’t shop sales. They’d blow it all on one or two expensive things. They like what I buy them and I always get it a lot cheaper, that’s why.” “Maybe you should say no sometimes when they call you to work extra,” interjected Kristy. “Look at the pot calling the kettle black. You’ve never said no to anyone in your life. How many extra shifts have you worked since you came back from your vacation? How many times have you said no to Laura when she’s called to ask you for money?” asked Carol. “First of all, you’re the one who called me back early from my vacation. And secondly, it’s none of your business how much money I send to Laura,” Kristy said as she walked away from the nurse’s station. “Good job, Carol. Looks like you managed to make her mad again,” Terri said. “She’s just pissed off at life in general. She doesn’t realize it’s her own fault. She’s the one that chooses to do what she thinks she’s supposed to instead of what she wants to do,” Carol said. Kristy overheard Carol’s comments and secretly agreed with her. She didn’t know how to change the way she lived. If she did just what she wanted to do, she’d tell Laura to make her own living. She’d also take Cal up on his many offers of helping her out by making up with him, moving back to Sacramento, and giving their romance a chance. The only area she had control of was work. She chose her patients carefully and picked the cases that were the most hopeless. Many of her patients died during the time she cared for them because of the tough challenges she welcomed. Her coworkers were even beginning to tease her about what they perceived as her run of bad luck. During change of shift report they’d joke about needing empty beds for new patients. They’d say things like, “Hey, Kristy. Why don’t you take the patient in 311? He’s about ready to pass on, and with your current record you should have the bed empty by morning.” Kristy would respond that her run of bad luck was just coincidence and it was because she always volunteered to take care of the sickest patients on the unit. She’d also add that they should appreciate her since she saved them from having to work as hard. Since Mrs. Daily’s death, Kristy had found that it was getting easier and easier for her to help nature along a bit in the dying process. When Mother Nature was obviously closing in on her terminal patients, she’d omit adding essential drugs to intravenous solutions. She hadn’t overdosed anyone on medications since giving Mrs. Daily the potassium chloride, but she’d been saving morphine for some time in the future. She did this by collecting the extra morphine into empty normal saline vials instead of disposing of it in the sink per hospital policy. If the doctor’s order called for six milligrams, she’d use a ten milligram vial and save the excess four milligrams for future use. Her coworkers trusted her and always

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Medicinal Remedies cosigned the narcotic sheet without really witnessing her discard the morphine. So far she’d managed to accumulate one hundred milligrams. Kristy prided herself on being a kind and loving nurse. She was extremely attentive to her patient’s needs and to the needs of their family members. She felt their pain as if it were her own. It was easy for her to justify in her mind omitting drugs that were keeping her terminally ill patients alive. Each time she did this, it made her feel powerful and in control. She and she alone, cared enough about the suffering of her patients to put an end to it. The best part was, no one ever knew but her. * “Mucho dolor, Jose?” Kristy asked about his pain using her limited Spanish. “Si, Senora. Mucho dolor.” His reply confirmed her suspicions that he was having a lot of pain. Jose’s reddish brown hair in need of a trim fanned out over the pillow. Soulful brown eyes set in a young, lightly freckled face spoke of the agony he was experiencing, despite the fact that he lay there quietly and uncomplaining. Kristy took his vital signs, did a quick physical assessment, then left the room to draw up his morphine dose. As she worked, she mentally reviewed his case. She didn’t know how this twenty eight year old man could have gotten so ill so quickly, or how he could have ignored a growth in his testicle the size of a lemon. Perhaps he was afraid, modest, or more likely didn’t want to miss work and the resulting loss of income. “Jose. Medicina--para dolor,” Kristy said haltingly as she showed him the syringe of morphine. He smiled and nodded understanding as she injected the drug into his intravenous line. Relief flooded his face as the pain gradually released its hold on him. As the drug took effect, she took the opportunity to do a more thorough physical assessment. He had the suntanned face and neck of someone who worked outside. His hands were heavily calloused and the nails were short. He had a muscular body, the type that came with hard work. The swollen testicle was evidence that something was very wrong. His lungs gurgled with fluid, and the monitor showed he was having irregular heartbeats. His blood pressure was lower than in prior days. These signs indicated to Kristy that Jose’s condition was worsening. Kristy left the bedside and went to the desk to review his chart. She read that he was a Mexican citizen but was in the United States legally on a work permit. He spoke no English and lived in a small house with eight other Hispanic men. He worked as a masonry worker in construction and was steadily employed, sending most of his earnings home to his family in Mexico. His employer provided him with medical insurance. His friends who had brought him to the emergency room earlier in the week said he had been ‘too much tired’ at work. The tumor had been found when he was examined by the ER doctor. He was also coughing up blood and had a low red blood cell count. He’d admitted to the ER doctor that he’d been sick for about six months, but had offered no explanation as to why he hadn’t sought medical attention. More tests were run after he was admitted to the ICU, and he was found to have metastatic cancer with the primary site being the testicle. The medical history indicated that Jose’s employer, Mr. Martinez, was extremely concerned and upset over Jose’s condition. He’d volunteered to

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Medicinal Remedies function as Jose’s agent, and Jose had agreed to this plan. Mr. Martinez and hospital administration were working with the INS in order to arrange for Jose’s parents to cross the border to be with him. Jose’s condition changed little during the night, and in the morning, Kristy bathed him and changed his linens. His friends came to visit early in the morning. They appeared to be manual laborers and were primarily Spanish speaking. They filed in quietly and respectfully, approached the bedside tentatively, and offered a few words of comfort to their friend who was so ill. Kristy was astounded at the number of them and found herself wondering if she would have as many people visiting her if she ever became that ill. After they left, Kristy went in and told Jose goodbye and that she would see him again the next night. * The light on her answering machine was blinking frantically when Kristy entered her condo. She greeted Pooh, fed him, then changed into her nightgown before playing the messages. “Kristy? You must be at work. Listen, I hate to ask you, but I really need some more money. Ronnie is growing so fast that he’s outgrown just about all of his clothes. Do you think you could send me a couple of hundred so I can go buy him some things? Let me know.” Laura added, “Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The nursing home called and Mom threw a vase through a window yesterday. They wanted me to come do something about her or they said we might have to find somewhere else for her to stay. I told them it was their responsibility to take care of her problems and that that was what they are getting paid for. That Mrs. Eddy is sure an old witch. I finally hung up on her.” Kristy put her head in her hands. What was Laura thinking? Mrs. Eddy would be calling her any day now. Mack’s voice on the next message caught her by surprise. “Hi, Kristy. It’s been months since I’ve heard anything from you. I refuse to believe it’s all over between us. Surely you’ve come to your senses by now. Call me so we can get together. I miss you so much.” Kristy was even more surprised at the last message. “Hello, Kristy-girl. I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and just want you to know old Cal is still around. If you ever need me, give a holler.” She tried to dismiss the calls from her mind as she crawled into bed. She wished they would all just go away and leave her alone. Her last thoughts as she drifted off to sleep were of her patient, Jose, and his endless pain. * The alarm clock on her nightstand woke her with a resounding ring. She dragged her still tired body from the bed and headed for the shower. She had exactly one hour to get to work. The unit was a hive of activity when she arrived. The nurse’s station was piled high with charts and all the phone lines were busy. Dr. Patel, the cardiologist, was putting a Swan Ganz catheter in a patient in one of the rooms. He always demanded a lot of help when he performed procedures, so three of the day shift nurses were assisting him. That left only one nurse to

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Medicinal Remedies tend to the other six patients, direct visitors, watch the heart monitors, and answer the phone. Carmen spotted Kristy as she walked into the unit. “Thank God relief is in sight. Can you take over Jose right now so I can clear up some of this mess?” Carmen asked. “You had him last night so you know him. I’ll give you report later, after things calm down a bit.” “Sure. I’ll review his chart and figure things out from there. Take your time.” Jose’s nursing notes indicated that his condition had declined rapidly during the day. They’d had to intubate him and put him on a respirator by ten in the morning. By noon his condition had deteriorated to the point that he’d been placed on dobutamine to keep his blood pressure up. He was lethargic, but even so, his pain had increased so much that the morphine was no longer helping him even though the dosage had been increased. His private physician had had the courage to make him a no code. Kristy was dismayed at what she found upon entering Jose’s room. His forehead was furrowed in a frown. His eyes were half closed and glazed with pain. Both his arms and legs were restrained--tied to the bedrails in a spread eagled fashion. He looked as miserable as any human being could possibly look. “Hi, Jose. It’s me, Kristy. Como esta?” Jose did not acknowledge that he’d heard her and Kristy hoped that his parents would soon arrive. She feared they’d get there too late. They arrived while Kristy was at lunch. She found them standing at the bedside when she returned. Jose’s father was a handsome man, an older version of Jose with features that spoke of a Spanish heritage. His lined and tanned face, neck and arms told her he’d probably spent years farming the fields. He wore a red and blue plaid flannel shirt, brown jeans, cowboy boots and hat, and a belt with a gigantic silver eagle buckle. Jose’s mother appeared much older than her husband. Her features were Indian, her skin also deeply wrinkled. Her long black hair, sprinkled with grey, was plaited in a fat braid down her back. She’d braided strips of leather into her hair. Her dress--probably her best one--was of a shiny purple polyester fabric. The lace from her slip showed an inch below the dress. Over the dress she wore a tattered yellow cotton gingham apron held in place by tiny gold safety pins. Jose’s father stood at the foot of the bed and gazed at his son for a long time. He then turned to Kristy with the pain of generations of helpless parents losing their children evident on his face. His beautiful brown eyes filled with tears and he shook his head sadly as he left the room. His mother followed Kristy everywhere. She stood beside her as she washed her hands at the sink. She sat next to her as she charted at the desk. She would alternately smile and then cry. Frequently Kristy would reach over and pat her hand or give her a reassuring hug. Kristy couldn’t bring herself to send her to the waiting room, and the rest of the nurses respected Kristy’s decision not to do so. Mama asked Kristy the same question over and over. Primarily she wanted reinforcement for what she already knew. Her son was indeed, “Muy malo, muy enfermo.” By morning, Kristy could stand watching their pain no longer. When Jose’s parents both were gone to the waiting room, Kristy drew up Jose’s ten milligram morphine dose. She had no doubts about what she had to do.

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Medicinal Remedies Instead of diluting the morphine in normal saline, she took from her pocket the vial of morphine that she’d been saving, and drew up all of the one hundred milligrams. Slowly she injected it into Jose’s intravenous line and watched as he finally relaxed. He stopped assisting the respirator with his breathing and the rate dropped from its prior thirty six a minute to ten. Slowly, ever so slowly, his blood pressure and heart rate began dropping. Kristy watched the heart monitor at the nurse’s station. “Judy, stand here and watch the monitor while I go out to the waiting room to get his parents. I think he’s going. I want them to be with him when he does,” Kristy said as she rushed out of the unit. She found the parents sitting side by side on the hard chairs in the waiting room and gestured for them to follow her. They entered the room and knew instantly that these were the last moments of their son’s life. Each took one of Jose’s hands in theirs and stood silently as he passed from this world into the one beyond. Sorrow mixed with release was evident on their faces. Kristy felt relieved. She’d done the right thing. Jose’s pain was over and his parents could now start the grieving process. Jose and his family were soon gone from the hospital, but Kristy knew she’d never forget them. She had the deepest feeling of satisfaction in knowing that she’d helped them all in his final hours. She felt even more positive and powerful than she had in helping any of her other patients ease out of this world. She was proud that she understood at a level that others didn’t. Kristy completed her shift duties and drove home calmly, feeling confident that she could deal with any obstacles life threw her way.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 19 “I really appreciate you working for me on Christmas,” Carol said. “The boys are growing up so fast--they’ll be out of the house before I know it.” “I don’t have any plans, anyway. Laura was supposed to come down and bring Ronnie, but she cancelled at the last minute,” Kristy said. “What’s Santa bringing you?” “I’ve been begging Bob to get me a puppy for Christmas. That’s another reason I wanted off. I want to be home so I can act surprised.” “What on earth do you want a puppy for?” Kristy asked. “They’re a lot of trouble. You have to housebreak them and they chew everything up.” “I know they’re a pain, but I’ve always wanted a Golden Retriever. They’re such nice dogs.” “Sure they’re nice dogs. They’re also big dogs who leave big deposits in the yard and hair all over the house.” “Big deal. I clean up shit here all the time. I can clean up a little dog shit in the yard. Besides, you’ve seen my house. It isn’t exactly the Taj Mahal.” Carol heard the buzz of the patient call light and turned towards the sound. “Damn it. Mr. Sang has his light on. That crazy man better not tell me again I’m supposed to be obedient. Next time I’m going to tell him that this is America and American women aren’t obedient.” Kristy chuckled as Carol walked away. Mr. Sang apparently didn’t know what he was getting himself into by talking to Carol that way. * The weeks leading up to Christmas continued to be busy at work and the chronic nursing shortage meant Kristy could have worked 24/7, if it were physically possible. She only took enough time off to do her essential errands, clean her small condo, and do her laundry and grocery shopping. She’d been eating nothing but frozen foods for weeks now. Pooh snubbed her when she was home as a way of showing her how neglected he was feeling. She’d had to deal with Mrs. Eddy after the vase throwing incident. Mrs. Eddy was none too happy with Laura having hung up on her, but Kristy managed to smooth things over and get a reprieve for her mother. She’d also managed to talk Ruth’s doctor into putting her back on anti-anxiety medications. Most of her extra money went to Laura for her and Ronnie’s expenses. It seemed they were constantly in need of something. Ronnie was a healthy and happy baby, but Laura had no patience for him and needed time away. A lot of money went to paying the baby sitter. Kristy reconciled herself to the fact that Laura needed the free time as therapy and it would insure that she’d be a better mother to Ronnie when she was at home. Kristy worked through Christmas Eve, which seemed just like any other night to her in the ICU. Carol called her at midnight to thank her again for working, and to tell her excitedly that she’d gotten her puppy after all. It was a light blonde Golden Retriever and the boys had already named her Britney after a certain blonde singer they lusted after. * Christmas morning dawned crisp and clear. Kristy drove home with the car windows open so she could inhale the fresh air. It made her feel alive.

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Medicinal Remedies There was no smog, and the San Gabriel Mountains were clearly visible with a light dusting of snow on their peaks. Her peaceful feeling evaporated when she noticed a minivan driving next to her, filled with what appeared to be a happy family dressed in holiday clothing. They were most likely going to join other family members to continue their holiday, and all Kristy was going to do was go home to bed. Kristy opened the door to her condo and stepped inside. “Pooh, I’m home. Merry Christmas.” Pooh came out from his hiding place and meowed a response. He rubbed once against Kristy’s legs, then trotted to the kitchen expectantly. Kristy tossed her purse on the couch and looked around the room. “You sure can’t tell it’s Christmas by this place, can you Pooh? What do you do all night while I’m working? Why no decorations or presents? You’d think Laura could at least have mailed the gifts she supposedly got me.” She walked to the kitchen, took a can of cat food from the cupboard, and put the food into Pooh’s dish. She poured fresh water for him, then opened the refrigerator door. “I don’t see any Christmas dinner in here, either. What kind of a roommate are you? I support you, the least you could do would be to make sure I have something to eat when I get home.” Kristy watched the cat eating his food. “You are one ungrateful fur ball.” “You know what, cat? The whole damn world is ungrateful. No one gives a damn about me. I’ve just worked all night saving lives, and there aren’t even any messages from friends or family on the answering machine. No one even bothers to call to wish me a Merry Christmas. No presents under the tree. Oops, I forgot. There isn’t a tree to put anything under.” Kristy went back to the refrigerator and searched the contents until she found an unopened bottle of wine. “I do believe I’ll have my own little Christmas celebration. How about you? Would you like some?” She poured a teaspoon of chardonnay into a saucer and set it on the floor for the cat. Pooh sniffed once and walked away. “Well, aren’t you the picky one. Fine. I’ll celebrate alone.” Kristy took the bottle with her into her bedroom and turned on the radio to a station playing Christmas music. She changed into her favorite flannel pajamas, took off her makeup, and brushed her hair. Tears ran down her cheeks as she crawled into bed and raised the bottle of wine to her lips. She finished the last few drops, turned out the lights, and went to sleep to the sounds of Bing Crosby singing White Christmas. * The ringing of the alarm jolted her out of her wine induced sleep. She sat on the side of the bed and held her head in her hands. Pooh rubbed against her back and purred contentedly. “That was really stupid of me, wasn’t it, Pooh. Now I’ve got to go work all night with a killer hangover. I sure hope I’ve got some aspirin and a Coke around here.” She searched the refrigerator again, this time pulling out a can of Coca Cola. She popped the top and drank eagerly. Her stomach was churning, and she hoped the cola would settle it down. She took a bottle of aspirin out of the cupboard and poured four tablets in her hand. “I know, I know. I should only take two at a time, but I’m desperate.

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Medicinal Remedies Don’t look at me that way.” Kristy showered, put on clean scrubs, pulled her wet hair back in a ponytail and brushed a coat of lipstick on her lips. It was Christmas night, she felt like hell and wanted only to go back to bed, so it didn’t matter how she looked. * “Hi, guys. How was it today?” Kristy asked Carmen and Linda. “It was really quiet and the visitors all brought goodies in, so we ate all day,” Carmen answered. “I’ll bet you’re ready to go home. Soon as Terri finishes counting the narcotics you can give us a quick report right here.” “You were here last night, right?” Linda asked. “Yeah, I worked it.” “The patients are all the same except the ones in 306 and 307 went to the floor today. Nothing happened with the ones that are still here,” Linda said. Kristy looked puzzled. “302 was empty last night, but it looks like there’s someone in there.” Linda clapped her hand to her forehead. “I forgot. They transferred a lady down from the medical floor today. She’s been in the hospital a week and is septic from a urinary tract infection. Her temperature went way up tonight so they finally started antibiotics. The doctor wants her in the unit overnight to see how she does.” “Give me report on her. Terri can take the other two. They were stable last night,” Kristy said. Linda nodded her agreement. “Okay. Her name is Irene Simon. She’s seventy years old and had a stroke four years ago. She’s paralyzed on her left side. She’s been in a nursing home since her stroke and gets frequent infections.” “Is she alert and oriented?” Kristy asked. “No, she’s alert but confused. She gets combative at times, too. She broke a hip last year when she fell trying to get out of a wheelchair. We have to keep her restrained in the bed. There’s not much to tell. She has a foley catheter, IV’s for hydration and antibiotics, and oxygen for comfort.” Kristy jotted the information down on her note pad. “Does she have family?” “Not that comes to see her. She has children but they’re out of state. They’ve already made mortuary arrangements, and asked that we not call them until tomorrow if she dies tonight.” “Wow, that’s cold. I assume they don’t want to have to get out of bed if their mother dies.” “That’s what it sounds like. They made sure we all knew she had a Living Will and didn’t want to be resuscitated. Her doc gave us a DNR order.” Linda smiled and gathered her belongings to leave. “I’ll see you in the morning. I work again tomorrow. Have a good night.” “Bye, Linda.” Kristy turned to Terri. “I’m going to take the lady in 302, if that’s okay with you. I’ll take the admission if we get one tonight.” “Sounds good to me. Hope we don’t get any admits. I’m tired from too much Christmas celebrating. I need a quiet night.” Kristy watched the heart monitor at the desk and ran a rhythm strip

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Medicinal Remedies for her patient. It showed slow atrial fibrillation. She reviewed Irene’s chart and found that she also had a long history of atrial fib but was controlled with medication. Kristy was disappointed that there wasn’t any pain medication or antianxiety medication ordered. What was wrong with these doctors? Didn’t they understand that just because someone was confused it didn’t mean they weren’t in pain? How could she not be in pain? She’s in bed all day and night, she has an infection, she has IV’s and a catheter poking into her, and she’s tied down. Kristy put the chart down and went into the room. “Hello, Mrs. Simon. My name is Kristy. I’ll be your nurse tonight. I hope it’s okay if I call you Irene.” The elderly woman turned her head towards Kristy, a look of terror on her face. “I...want...to...home,” she said haltingly. Something in her look and her voice made Kristy step back. “Ohmigod. You look just like my mother. And you sound like her, too.” Kristy looked for the straight back chair that was in each patient room and sat down. Her heart was racing and she didn’t understand why. She willed herself to take slow, deep breaths until she regained her composure. She decided to give Mrs. Simon an early bath in order to try to get her as comfortable as possible for the night. She gathered the necessary linens and filled the basin with warm water. “Irene. I’m going to get you cleaned up and give you a nice backrub. That way you’ll be able to sleep all night.” Kristy bathed the front of the lady’s body and cleaned her mouth with pink spongy toothettes. She washed her face gently and applied lotion to her skin, all the while doing a physical assessment on her patient. “Okay, Irene. Now I need to turn you over and wash your back and change your linens. You’ll be ready for sleep by then.” Kristy expertly rolled the lady to her side and held her with one hand while she washed her back and inspected her skin for pressure areas. She lotioned her well, rolled the soiled sheets under her, and propped her up with a pillow while she put fresh sheets on. “I’m sorry, but there’s a big bump underneath you that I need to roll you over. It will just take a minute and then you’ll be on nice, fresh sheets.” While she was rolling her, she noticed her hair was pinned on her head in a messy bun. “Your hair needs brushing. I’ll do it now while you’re on your side, then I promise I’ll let you sleep.” Irene was silent until Kristy started taking pins out of her hair. “Don’t cut my hair. Please don’t cut my HAIR!” she shouted. “Shh...Irene. I’m only going to brush it. I promise I won’t cut it, okay?” “Okay. Don’t cut it. Just braid it.” Kristy continued removing pins and was able to unroll the bun. Tears started flowing when she discovered Irene’s hair was braided in a fat braid that had been rolled into the bun shape. It was a braid just like the one her mother wore. She brushed out every tangle, rebraided it, and secured it with an elastic band she had in her pocket. She turned Irene to her other side and positioned her with pillows at her back, between her knees, and under her paralyzed arm that had the IV in it. “I’m sorry I have to tie your arm back down. You have an IV in your other arm and we don’t want you to pull it out. You go to sleep now. I’ll be

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Medicinal Remedies back in awhile to check on you.” Irene was staring at something on the ceiling. “What are you looking at?” Kristy asked. Irene smiled. “My mother is up there. She’s trying to get me to come with her.” “You go ahead and go if you want to. It’s all right.” Irene tried to free her good arm from the restraint. “I can’t. I’m all caught up in this rope.” “Try to relax, Mom...I mean Irene. I promise I’ll be back in a bit and I’ll help you.” Kristy joined Terri back at the nurse’s desk and picked up a National Enquirer. “Where do these come from? Who reads this stuff?” Terri yawned and stretched. “Lots of people, evidently. My dad says the Enquirer gets the news before anyone else.” “Is that so?” Kristy laughed. “Why don’t you go take an early break if you’re tired? You can take a nap in the break room. Sleep as long as you want. I’ll call you if I need you.” “Oh, thank you. I really need it. You can take a long break after me. Make sure you call me, though. I may be hard to wake up.” “Don’t worry, I will.” Kristy waited until she was certain Terri was sleeping soundly and the house supervisor, Joan had made her rounds before going to the refrigerator to remove a vial of Pancuronium. She drew it up into a syringe and then took a small vial from her purse and drew its contents up into a syringe as well. She looked around the unit to make sure no one had come in before going back into Irene’s room. “Hi, Mom. I’m back. I see you’re still awake.” She stood over the woman and gently stroked her cheek. “I brought you some pain medication. It’s Morphine and you’ll get nice and sleepy. Kristy injected the ten milligrams of morphine into Irene’s IV tubing and smiled as she saw the relief settle over her face. She knew the ten milligrams would put Irene into a deep sleep and would suppress her breathing, but it probably wasn’t enough to kill her. She hadn’t been able to save up enough since she’d used her prior stash on Jose. “Good, Mom. Now you’re nice and sleepy. I’m going to give you this other medication now. It will help you go home. You’ve been suffering for so many years; it’s time for you to go. You’ll go see your mom, and you’ll see Carl finally.” Kristy slowly injected the Pancuronium into the IV tubing. It would be one to two minutes before the paralysis took full effect, then another few minutes before her heart stopped. She removed the oxygen from Irene’s nose and untied her arm. She put the side rails down on the bed, sat on the chair and took Irene’s hand in hers. Tears streamed down her face as Irene’s breathing slowed, then stopped. Her heart rhythm became more irregular, slowed, and ceased beating altogether after a few minutes. Kristy stood and kissed Irene’s forehead. “Goodbye, Mom. I’m so sorry you had to suffer all these years. I wish I could have helped you sooner.”

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 20 After Christmas, Kristy’s life reverted to the same old pattern. Laura continued with her requests for money, Mack frequently left messages on her answering machine trying to get her to see him, and the hospital made daily calls asking Kristy to work extra hours. The primary focus of Kristy’s life was her job. She’d work at least one extra twelve hour shift a week, and sometimes would do even more. She was tired and moody and her coworkers had taken to avoiding her. Even though she was always fatigued, she still insisted on taking the sickest and most hopeless cases. She sincerely felt that she was doing her part towards reducing the suffering of the world by helping these patients ease out a little sooner. She knew that none of the other nurses cared as much as she did, and that they were not as capable as she. * March winds blew blinding sheets of rain onto the windshield of Kristy’s car as she drove to work. The rains had continued since December, leaving no doubt that California’s long drought was over. She parked her car just as the rain eased up a little, grabbed her umbrella, and raced inside before it began to pour again. “Is it ever going to stop raining?” Carol asked as she hung her wet raincoat on a hook in the lounge. “I hate to complain since we’ve just gotten over a drought, but this is ridiculous. If it lasts much longer, I’m going to have to get Bob to build an ark.” “A rowboat would have been sufficient if you hadn’t acquired a zoo at your house,” Terri said. “What do you mean a zoo? All we’ve got is the iguana, a dog, two cats, the rabbits, the chickens, and now the potbelly pig. That’s hardly a zoo in my definition,” said Carol. “Besides that, the only animal we’ve bought is the dog. Every other one was given to us by people who bought them then didn’t want to take care of them. I think I’m a real humanitarian.” “I think you’re a little confused. Your animals are animals, not humans. How can you consider yourself a humanitarian?” asked Debbie. “Obviously you flunked English. Being a humanitarian means you’re kind, gentle, compassionate and loving.” Terri guffawed. “Oh, that’s you all right.” “You guys are getting on my nerves. Just drop this right now and let’s go get report,” said Carol as she huffed out of the lounge. The unit was quiet and calm for a change. There were many empty beds and the nurses were all sitting and talking at the central station. “What happened in here? This place was full over the weekend. Where’d everyone go?” Carol asked. “We haven’t admitted anyone all day,” Margie answered. “No surgeries, either. I think I heard some of the docs were going to a conference somewhere. We don’t have any real sick ones, either. Kristy made sure she cleaned them out over the weekend as usual.” Kristy glared at her before replying. “You guys always do your best to make sure there aren’t any deaths on your shift. I know the game. You don’t turn them or bathe them if you think they’re getting ready to die. You let them lay still and you just keep cranking up the dobutamine. You don’t want to do the paperwork or take the bodies down to the morgue.”

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Medicinal Remedies “That’s bull and you know it. You’re insinuating that we’re lazy, and we’re not. I, for one, seem to think that it’s an awfully weird coincidence that you’re the one that always had the patients dying during your watch. Anyone else see it that way?” Patricia asked. Kristy couldn’t think of a reply. She and Patricia had never gotten along, anyway. Kristy thought it was probably because Patricia was short, chubby, very plain, and had never had a date in her life that anyone knew of. And, to top it off, she was a lousy nurse. “Come on, Pat,” said Carmen. “Pull those claws back in. You know as well as the rest of us that Kristy always takes care of the patients who need the highest level of nursing care. If everyone else here worked up to their potential, she wouldn’t have to take care of the sickest patients all the time and she wouldn’t lose as many.” “Let’s go get report, guys,” said Carol. “Don’t you day nurses want to go home? You all look pretty bored.” Report took just a few minutes since there were only eight patients in all three of the critical care units. Carol opted to do paperwork and not take a patient assignment herself, so she divided the patients up among the other four night nurses. “Kristy, take the two chest pain patients in 301 and 302. They’re stable and should sleep most of the night. You deserve a quiet night once in awhile.” Kristy sighed and rolled her eyes. Carol glanced at Kristy and took note of the expression on her face. “Oh come on. Don’t give me that look. It won’t hurt you to take care of the cardiac patients now and again. I know they bore you since they sleep all night, but we all need to be bored occasionally.” The nurses left the report room to check their patient’s charts for new orders before going in to see them. Kristy’s patients were stable and she didn’t need to do anything for them. Mrs. Rogers in 301 had a visitor and Mr. Sylvester in 302 was watching Jeopardy on television. They both wanted to be left alone so Kristy decided to clean up the unit and restock supplies. She’d just finished straightening everything up when Carol called her into the office. She knew something was awfully wrong when she walked in and found Carol crying. With her were two men wearing suits. Carol closed the office door. “Kristy, sit down here by me,” she said while gesturing to a chair which had been placed at her side. “This is Mr. Donald Turner,” Carol indicated the larger of the two men. He wore a dark blue suit with a white shirt and red power tie. He was balding, appeared to be nearing fifty years old with a double chin and a serious expression on his face. The other man was considerably younger and appeared friendly. He had red hair, freckles, and wore a dark green suit and flowered tie. He extended his hand towards Kristy. “I’m Ira McDaniels, and you’re Kristina Petersen, I presume. We’re investigators with the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s office and have a few questions to ask you.” Carol turned to Mr. McDaniels. “I’d prefer you not ask questions until the hospital administrative representative gets here.” “I’m sorry, but we’ve been waiting, and I’m afraid we can’t put this off any longer.” “Why would you have questions to ask me?” Kristy sounded calm but felt like her heart was going to pound right out of her chest.

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Medicinal Remedies “Well, to explain that, I have to back up to last year, towards the end of September. You had a patient here in your unit--Mrs. Agnes Daily. She was here for about two weeks and was very sick the whole time. She came from a nursing home and had Alzheimer’s disease. She’d burned herself in the home and ended up having a systemic infection.” Ira paused before asking, “Do you remember her?” “Not really. She sounds like a lot of our patients. Most of them are old and have Alzheimer’s. And lots of them get systemic infections,” Kristy replied. “The thing that makes this one different is that her son is a lawyer who went to law school with Mr. Turner here. He had a lot of complaints about the care that she received here, and after the autopsy was done he asked us to look into it.” Donald Turner focused his gaze on Kristy and sat quietly staring at her. So far he hadn’t spoken a word. It was beginning to unnerve her, and she could feel perspiration gathering on her upper lip. “Anyway, the autopsy was done and didn’t show much more than what the doctors had already told her son. Oh, by the way, his name is Harvey Daily. Maybe you remember him. I understand he called and talked with the nurses every day,” said Ira. “Yes, I do remember him. He’d call every shift and ask the same questions of all the nurses. We thought he was probably trying to catch us in discrepancies,” Kristy answered. Kristy was suddenly feeling nauseous as memories returned of Agnes Daily and the overdose of potassium chloride that she’d given her. “What...what did they find on autopsy?” Kristy asked, her voice cracking. “Why are you here about Mrs. Daily?” “Actually, Miss Petersen,” Mr. Turner finally spoke. “We’re not really here about Agnes Daily--except in a roundabout sort of way. You see, Harvey is one of my oldest and dearest friends and I couldn’t say no to him when he asked me to look into his mother’s death. He said the autopsy had shown that she had an extraordinarily high potassium level in her body, but that was supposedly explained away by the doctors as being due to her kidney failure. Harvey was still suspicious and insisted that there was more to the story.” Mr. Turner sat back in his chair and gestured for Ira to take over. “We took all of her medical records to medical experts for review and they couldn’t find anything to indicate foul play. However, while we were here pouring through records, it came to our attention that there’d been an increase in patient deaths in the critical care units in the last nine months or so. Another curious finding that was brought to our attention was that most of these deaths occurred on the night shift.” He paused and looked intently at Kristy. “A little bird whispered into our ear that it might be beneficial to us to check into just which nurse had been assigned to these patients.” Kristy began to feel the room spin and was afraid she was going to faint. She could also feel the blood draining from her face and tried to will herself not to show any external emotion. “We found a strange coincidence when reviewing the records of all the patients who’d died in the last nine months. Are you curious about what that coincidence might be, Miss Petersen?” Mr. Turner asked. “Only vaguely curious, Mr. Turner. I really have no idea where this might be leading.”

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Medicinal Remedies “Oh, but I think you do know where this is leading,” Mr. Turner said. “Please continue, Mr. McDaniel.” “Well, it seems that the majority died while in your care, Miss Petersen. Can you think of any possible explanation?” “Of course I can. I always volunteer to take care of the very sickest patients in the unit. I like the challenge of caring for these patients. Of course they die more often than the stable ones. That’s logical. Carol can verify that for me.” Kristy turned to her friend who was crying into a wad of Kleenex in her hand. “Can’t you, Carol?” “Miss Petersen, Mr. Turner and I believe we’ve found evidence during our investigations to prove there’s more to the explanation than what you’ve just given us. Before you continue, we need to let you know that you have the right to have an attorney present during questioning. We feel that you’d better exercise that right. You’re being arrested for murder, Miss Petersen.” “You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to have an attorney present during questioning....” Kristy sat in stunned silence as Ira read her her rights. She couldn’t understand how this could have happened. Whose murder were they arresting her for? Who was the little bird that whispered in their ear? And who would help her out of this mess? She turned to Carol. “What’s happening, Carol? I don’t understand this. Are they really going to arrest me?” Carol had finally regained control of herself and took Kristy’s hand in reassurance. “Don’t worry. We’ll think of something. Give me the keys to your house and I’ll take care of things for you. Don’t talk to anyone until I get you an attorney. You’ll have to go with Mr. Turner and Mr. McDaniel now. It’s almost midnight and I won’t be able to do anything until morning. Just cooperate and don’t tell them anything. Promise me, please?” Carol asked. “There’s nothing to tell them. I don’t know anything at all about any murder. Mr. McDaniel, can I get my purse? I need to give Carol my keys and some money.” “Let Carol get it herself. You need to stay here with us now.” Carol returned with the purse and Kristy gave her the keys to her car and her condominium, as well as all the money she had in her wallet. She also gave Carol her ATM card and whispered the secret CODE in her ear. Carol hugged Kristy and helped her on with her raincoat. She resumed crying once Kristy had left with Mr. Turner and Mr. McDaniel. * Alone, Carol quickly regained her composure and burst into a whirlwind of activity. She first went to the nurse’s station to tell the other nurses that Kristy had suddenly been called away on an emergency and they would have to take over her patients. She then got on the phone and called the night house supervisor, Joan, and told her she needed to see her immediately. Joan was a long time friend of Carol’s and Kristy’s as well, and Carol knew she could trust her completely. Joan arrived and they began to plan what to do next. “She gave me all the money she had in her wallet and her ATM card, but I don’t think that totals more than five hundred altogether. I don’t know what her bail is going to be, but if it’s a large sum, I don’t know how we’ll be

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Medicinal Remedies able to pay it.” Carol ran her fingers through her hair and rubbed the back of her neck. “I also have no idea how we’re going to afford to hire an attorney for her, either. Bob and I sure don’t have any money to spare. You know how we are, we live from paycheck to paycheck.” “I don’t have much saved, either. With the state of the economy right now and Jim being retired, it takes all I make just to pay our bills,” Joan said. They were both lost in thought until Joan smiled and said, “I just had a stroke of genius. How about Dr. Grisham? You know they’ve been seeing each other for years, even though I understand Kristy broke off with him a few months ago. He’s bound to have some money.” “That’s not a bad idea. He’s been calling me the last few months to try and get me to play Cupid for him. He’d like to get back together with Kristy. Let’s try his exchange. Maybe, if we’re lucky, he’ll be on call tonight,” Carol said as she reached for the phone. “Dr. Grisham’s exchange. Can I help you?” the operator asked. “This is Mrs. Adams at Memorial Hospital in Whittier. I need to speak with Dr. Mack Grisham.” “Yes, Dr. Grisham is on call. I’ll text page him with the information. Please give me the name of the patient.” “This is Carol Adams. Actually, I’m not calling about a patient. I’m calling for a colleague of his. I’m sure he’ll speak with me. Tell him I’m calling with an urgent matter.” Carol gave her call back number and she and Joan waited anxiously for the phone to ring. They jumped when it finally rang, even though they’d been expecting the call. “This is Dr. Grisham.” “I’m so glad to hear your voice. This is Carol Adams, Kristy’s friend. We’ve got some big problems here.” “Yes, go ahead,” he said impatiently. Carol rolled her eyes at Joan. “Kristy was arrested tonight. Two District Attorney investigators came and arrested her for murder. I don’t know much more than that. I guess they think she deliberately killed a patient.” Mack remained silent on the other end of the line. Carol continued, “Anyway, I’m calling because I was sure you’d help Kristy. She doesn’t have much money saved and doesn’t have any other resources. I know how long you and she have been friends. They took her to the Whittier Police Station. I can meet you there in the morning. What do you think?” Carol asked. “Mack, are you there Mack?” “I’m afraid you must have the wrong Dr. Grisham. That isn’t one of my patients. Are you sure you have the right physician?” “Listen, asshole. This sounds like your voice. I recognize it from all the times you’ve been calling me lately trying to get me to talk to Kristy for you. You must be home with the little wifey,” Carol said. “Yes, I suppose you do have the right Dr. Grisham, but I have no idea who the individual is that you’re questioning me about.” “Oh yes you do. You’d better be covering up because you’re with your wife. Since we’re talking in code, just tell me what time your office hours are and I’ll know you’re going to meet me in the morning.” “I’m sorry, Mrs. Adams but I’ve never been acquainted with the patient you’re talking about, and I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t try to contact me again about this matter.” Joan watched Carol slowly hang up the phone, shaking her head from

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Medicinal Remedies left to right. “Well, what did he say?” “The jerk said he didn’t know Kristy and we’re not to call him again.” “That prick. When the going gets tough he takes off. What will we do now?” Joan asked.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 21 The holding cell in the Whittier city jail was cold and dark. A small cot held a lumpy mattress, a pillow, and a musty smelling woolen blanket. In the corner of the room stood a stained porcelain toilet. Daylight peeked through a tiny window on one wall which was barred and so high up that there was no way to see outside. Kristy sat on the cot and stared at the wall, thinking about the hours since her arrest. She shuddered at the memory of the booking procedures upon her arrival at the jail. Mr. Turner and Mr. McDaniel had led Kristy to the front desk and turned her over to the desk sergeant who inventoried her belongings and put them in a brown envelope, then took down all of her vital statistics. The sergeant informed her that she could have one phone call. She declined since she had faith that Carol was already taking care of getting bail together, and she didn’t want Laura to start worrying before it was time. A burly matron then led her off to be subjected to a degrading strip search before allowing her to dress in jail blues that resembled hospital scrubs. Sleep eluded her all night. Each time she tried to fall asleep, she’d end up staring at the ceiling and reliving those terrible moments. How quickly her life had changed in one short evening. She couldn’t comprehend how she’d come to be arrested for murder and thought it must be a terrible mistake. How could relieving people of their misery be a criminal act? Kristy heard someone coming down the hall and looked up as a beefy policeman approached the cell. “Kristina Petersen. Come with me. The sheriff’s jail bus is here to take you downtown to Sybil Brand Institute with all the other bad little girls.” “Wait a minute. Why am I going to Sybil Brand? My friend will be here to post bail just as soon as the banks open.” “I guess someone forgot to tell you there’s no bail for little murderesses.” “But, I didn’t murder anyone,” Kristy shouted as she backed against the wall. “Now, now. Settle down. You don’t want me to have to shackle you, do you? Let’s go peacefully,” he sneered, walking towards her. “Don’t you want to go out in the sunshine and take a nice ride on the freeway?” Kristy started to cry and reluctantly shuffled out of the cell. The big policeman took her by the arm and led her to the waiting bus. Traffic moved slowly on the crowded freeway. Kristy gazed at the commuters and wondered silently if they knew how tenuous life was. One moment you’re living your life the way you always had, and in an instant all that was taken away from you. She hoped none of the people in the cars were people she knew. What if they recognized her? Tears rolled silently down her cheeks as she watched the world go by. Back at the jail in Whittier, Carol had arrived with all the cash she could get together. She’d talked everyone she could into withdrawing the maximum amount allowed with their ATM cards and had managed to get together one thousand dollars. Confident that it was enough, she and Joan drove off to the jail. Sergeant Finch was behind the desk when Carol and Joan blew through the doors. He looked up in surprise at the chubby blonde woman with the disheveled hair and her tall, gray haired companion. “Hello, ladies. Can I help you?”

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Medicinal Remedies “We’re here to bail our friend out,” Carol said. “When was this friend brought in?” he asked. “During the night sometime,” Joan answered. Sergeant Finch thought of the middle-aged man who’d been found wandering the streets of Whittier after the bars closed. He was carrying a bottle of whiskey wrapped in a paper bag and was singing ‘When Irish Eyes Are Smiling’ at the top of his lungs. He didn’t have any identification on him and refused to tell them his name, but he’d called someone when they offered him a phone call. “I’ll be glad to let you have him, though I don’t know why you’d want him. I need you to sign some forms and give me two hundred for bail, then he’s free to go,” Sergeant Finch said as he pushed a pile of forms at Carol. “I’m not here to pick up some man. I have enough problems with my own. I’m here to bail out my friend Kristina Petersen, the nurse.” “Bad news. Your little nurse friend doesn’t have any bail set and she’s already been sent to Sybil Brand.” “Sybil Brand? I thought everyone got bail,” Joan said. “You’d better go find your little friend a good criminal defense attorney. You aren’t going to be able to do anything on your own,” Sergeant Finch said. Carol and Joan left the station in stunned silence, and got into Joan’s car. “Well, what now? Do you know any good lawyers?” Carol asked. “No, and I don’t know how to go about finding one, either. Do you?” Joan asked. “I don’t, but I have another idea. I know where Kristy’s phone book is. Let’s go over to her place and look through things. Maybe she knows someone. I have to feed that damn cat and call Laura, anyway.” * Pooh met them at the door, mewing furiously. “You poor old mangy thing. I forgot all about you. Let’s see if I can find some tuna for you.” Carol rummaged through Kristy’s cupboards, ignored the canned cat food, and finally located a can of albacore tuna packed in oil. She fed the hungry cat, then reached for Kristy’s personal phone book. Mumbling, she flipped through the pages. “What’s the matter with this girl? The only numbers in here are for her sister, her mother’s rest home, work, and that scum bucket Mack. No social life at all. I guess I’ll have to call Laura.” “What’s this?” Joan asked, plucking a yellow post-it-note from under the phone. “It’s a number for Cal Harkinson. Do you have any idea who he is?” “No, I don’t. Let’s call Laura. Maybe she’ll be able to help us.” Laura answered the phone sleepily after the fifth ring. Carol hurriedly explained the situation. “That’s all I know right now, Laura. We’ve got to come up with some more money really fast and figure out a way to get a good lawyer for Kristy. By the way, do you know who Cal Harkinson is? We found his telephone number by the phone.” “I can’t believe this. Are you sure you haven’t been hitting the bottle?” Laura asked. “I can’t imagine this happening to Kristy. Me or you maybe, but not Kristy.”

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Medicinal Remedies “Thanks a lot, you little twit. I wouldn’t be calling you and lying about something this serious. You’ve got to help us out here. Who’s this Cal?” Carol asked. “Kristy was seeing him for months but they broke up after her vacation. He’s not a lawyer, though. He’s just a poor country boy truck driver,” Laura paused. “I suppose you should call him. I think he’s really in love with Kristy.” “You’re kidding. Miss Priss has a boyfriend? Boy has she kept him a secret. She probably didn’t want me nagging her and asking questions all the time.” Carol smiled at the thought. “I think I’ll call him. Maybe he can give us some help.” “I know what you think of me, Carol. I know you think I’m a spoiled brat and a drain on Kristy.” “You’re right, I do.” “I wish I could change all that. Please call me when you have some news. My clunker car isn’t running and I can’t get down there right now. But, if you think it will help, Ronnie and I will get on the Greyhound Bus as soon as we can,” Laura said through tears. “I promise I’ll call. The best thing for you to do is to sit tight,” Carol suggested. “It’s probably a good idea for you to call around and see what kind of loans you can get on the house.” “I’ll do that. Gotta go. Ronnie is screaming,” Laura banged down the phone without waiting for a reply. Carol hung up the phone. “What’d you find out from her?” Joan asked. “Kristy was dating Cal, but broke up with him some months ago. Laura said she thought Cal was really in love with Kristy. Maybe he’ll be willing to help.” “Can’t hurt to try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained,” Joan said. Joan dialed the telephone number. Cal answered on the third ring. “Mr. Harkinson, My name is Joan Calloway. I’m a nursing supervisor at Memorial Hospital in Whittier. I believe we have a mutual friend. Kristina Petersen. Do you know her?” “Yes, yes I do...or did. Is something wrong with Kristy-girl?” Joan gave Carol a ‘we’ve got the right guy’ look before answering. “Kristy is fine--at least physically. She’s in some trouble down here, and we thought you might be able to help.” “What kind of trouble?” Joan explained the situation, and then Carol got on the phone and told Cal about her earlier visit to the police station. “Sounds like you ladies have been busy,” Cal said. “We have. Do you think you can help?” Carol asked. Cal was silent on the other end of the line. “Mr. Harkinson? Are you still there?” “Yup. I’m still here. I did a whole lot of thinking these past months. The way Kristy-girl dumped me didn’t settle well. I knew there was more to the story that met the eye. Somethin’ must have been goin’ on then.” “You don’t mean you think she did it, do you?” “Nah. I don’t believe Kristy killed anyone. I’ll be glad to help her out. I’ve got a few days off work, so I’ll catch the next Southwest flight out of Sacramento and will be down there later today. Give me your phone number so I can call you when I get there.” Carol gave him her number and asked, “Shall we try to find a lawyer?

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Medicinal Remedies We don’t have any money to pay a retainer.” “Don’t do anything. I’ll contact my business lawyers in Los Angeles and tell them to line up a good criminal defense attorney. I’ll take care of the money issue when I get there.” Carol put down the phone and stared at Joan. “I don’t know who that man is, but he seems to be hung up on Kristy. He says he’ll take care of everything when he gets here.” “I guess there’s nothing else for us to do but go on home and wait,” Joan said. “That seems like the thing to do. I’ll take the cat to my house. Help me grab his food and stuff and then we’re out of here,” Carol said as she picked Pooh up and placed him in the cat carrier. “God help us when this hits the news. We’re going to be deluged by reporters and law suits,” Joan said. “I hadn’t even thought of that. I’ve been so worried about Kristy.” Carol brushed her hair back from her face. “The shit’s gonna hit the fan, isn’t it?”

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 22 “Miss Rodriguez? Mr. Harkinson has arrived. Shall I show him in?” asked Eloise, Andrea’s secretary. “Yes, please,” Andrea replied. Andrea seated herself behind the desk and put on her horn rimmed glasses. As Cal entered the room, she rose to greet him. They shook hands and exchanged greetings. Andrea gestured towards the chair in front of the desk. “So, Mr. Harkinson, what can I do for you today?” “As I explained over the phone, Miss Rodriguez, my friend has been arrested for murder and is in Sybil Brand Institute. As you can well imagine, I’m anxious to get this misunderstanding cleared up as soon as possible.” “What brought you to me?” Andrea asked. “I contacted my business attorney. He called a colleague and was told you’re the best defense attorney in the area.” “Please thank him for me.” Andrea sat back in her chair. She reached to secure a stray clip that was threatening to loosen her French twist. Cal surveyed the young woman behind the desk. Her pale skin and slender, aristocratic nose told of her Spanish heritage. Straight hair and high cheekbones hinted of the Indian blood flowing through her veins. Large, pale brown eyes fringed with thick black lashes reminded Cal of a frightened doe he’d happened on in the Sierra foothills years earlier. The doe had watched him for several long seconds, then bounded off into the underbrush. He hoped Andrea would not do the same. “Miss Rodriquez. We have to get Kristy out of that place in a hurry. She doesn’t have any idea how to defend herself in prison,” Cal said. Andrea paused before answering, “Mr. Harkinson. Miss Petersen was arrested on a murder charge--though it is still under investigation. She doesn’t have bail set at this time, and we won’t know how much bail will be until the DA’s office actually files a case. Our hands are tied until that happens.” “I thought they’d already filed murder charges. Isn’t that why she’s in jail?” asked Cal. “She was arrested for murder pending further investigation. The DA’s office has 48 hours to file the charges or release her. The ball is in their court until that happens,” Andrea said. “In the meantime, I’m going to Sybil Brand and interview Miss Peterson. I’ll contact you as soon as I talk with her.” Cal sighed and leaned back in his chair. Worry lines creased his forehead. “Maybe you can answer a few questions for me, Cal. May I call you Cal?” “That’s fine, Miss Rodriguez.” “Please, call me Andrea.” She smiled at Cal, trying to will him to relax. “I understand that Miss Petersen is a nurse and works in intensive care. Is that correct?” “Yes. She’s a real dynamo. She works long hours and a lot of overtime.” “Does she talk much about her job? I mean especially about patients dying while she cares for them or anything along those lines.” “No. When we were dating, she was real closed mouthed about work.

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Medicinal Remedies She didn’t want to talk about it on her off hours.” “Hopefully she’ll be able to provide me with some insight when I speak with her,” Andrea said. Cal furrowed his brow. “When will that be?” “I’m ready to leave for Sybil Brand as soon as we finish here.” Andrea rose to her feet and extended her hand to Cal. “One more thing. If you want me to handle the case, my retainer fee is five thousand dollars.” Cal reached for his wallet and pulled out a check he’d already written out for the amount, “Let me know when you need more.” “Thank you, Cal. I need to meet with her before I take her on as a client. I’ll refund you the retainer if I decide not to take the case.” “Why wouldn’t you take the case?” Cal asked, frowning. “I have to be able to believe in my clients, and I don’t take them on otherwise,” Andrea replied. Cal relaxed and smiled, “Then I don’t have anything to worry about. You’ll believe in my Kristy-girl.” “I hope so, Cal. I really do.” * Andrea drove her silver Volvo the short distance to Sybil Brand Institute. She signed in at the reception desk, and was escorted to the attorney’s counsel room to wait for Kristy. The room was barren except for a large wooden table with eight chairs positioned around it. The walls were painted an institutional green color and were devoid of any pictures adorning them. On one wall there was a calendar donated by a local bail bondsman. It had cartoon courtroom scenes pictured above the days of the month. Andrea folded her hands on the table, and read the graffiti which had been scratched with sharp objects into the dark wood. She was trying to figure out where the inmates got the sharp objects to do the carving with, when she heard the door open. Kristy stood in the doorway. A burly matron held her by the arm. Her jailhouse blues were wrinkled and her long red hair was a mass of tangles. She had dark half-moon circles under her eyes. Her face was expressionless, as if she had withdrawn completely into herself in order to cope with her current situation. “Hi, Kristy. I’m Andrea Rodriguez. I’m a defense attorney and have been asked here by a friend of yours, Mr. Cal Harkinson.” Andrea gestured towards the chair across from her. “Please sit down so we can talk.” Kristy’s face lit up at the mention of Cal’s name, and she fell eagerly into the chair. “How did he find out about this? Who called him?” she asked. “I don’t know how he found out. I’ll have him explain it all to you later.” “Where’s the money going to come from to pay for this?” Kristy asked. “I believe Cal is going to be paying for it. At least in the beginning, anyway,” said Andrea. “How can he afford it? He drives a truck for a living?” “His business attorney is the one that first called me. From what I understand, Cal is a wealthy man. I’m surprised you didn’t know that. He owns several cattle and rice ranches in Northern California and also owns a big trucking company.” Andrea took out a yellow legal pad and her Mont Blanc pen. “Shall we get to work?”

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Medicinal Remedies Kristy brushed her hair back from her face. “What do you need to know?” “Tell me about your patients,” Andrea said. “I’m especially interested in hearing about Mrs. Daily.” “I don’t understand this whole thing.” Kristy blinked tears back from her eyes before continuing. “They talked to me about Mrs. Daily. I didn’t have anything to do with that lady dying. She had kidney failure and died of a high potassium level. That’s common with old people.” Andrea jotted notes on her yellow legal pad. “That may be true, but her son filed a complaint asking that her death be investigated.” “Yes, her arrogant lawyer son was the one that caused all the problems. He complained about everything we did and refused to let his poor old mother die naturally.” “Was it Harvey Daily?” Andrea asked “Yes, it was. How did you know?” “I know an attorney named Harvey Daily.” Andrea made more notes on her legal pad before asking, “Why would you be suspected of murdering your patients?” “I don’t have any idea. I’m a great nurse, and I give them better care than any of the other nurses in the unit.” Andrea raised her eyebrows. “I’m sure you do, but we need to figure out if there is something they could charge you with. You do understand that no actual charges have been filed yet, don’t you?” “How can they keep me in jail then?” Kristy asked. “You’ve been arrested on suspicion of murder, and they have 48 hours to hold you before the District Attorney must file charges. Apparently, they have probable cause to arrest you. You need to be completely honest with me and tell me everything so that I can figure out if they’re going to be able to make charges stick or not, and how to handle this case if they do. You need to trust me, Kristy.” Kristy explained what DA investigators had told her when they’d arrested her. She told Andrea about them saying they had monitored the numbers of deaths on her shift and how the biggest majority were her patients. Kristy explained how she always wanted to care for the sickest and most challenging patients and that was why hers died more often than the others. “I haven’t heard anything tangible yet. They must have more that they’re not revealing right now. There must be some hard and fast evidence. How about autopsies and things like that? Just how many of your patients do you estimate died in the last six months?” Andrea asked. “I’d guess maybe five or six a month. You have to remember these were all critically ill people. So, to my way of thinking it wasn’t unusual,” Kristy answered, but was unable to look Andrea in the eye. “That may not seem like many to you, but five or six patients a month for one nurse seems like a significant amount to me. Even for critically ill patients.” Andrea scribbled more notes on her legal pad. Andrea put her pen down and reached for Kristy’s hand. “If there is anything that you know you’ve done to hasten a patient’s death, please tell me. I’m not going to be able to defend you if you’re not completely honest with me.” “Okay, I do have one patient I need to tell you about. I’m sure every critical care nurse has at least one of these kinds of patients.” Kristy began to tell Andrea about Jose. She described in touching

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Medicinal Remedies detail just how she’d felt while caring for him when he was in so much agony. Kristy cried as she gave detailed descriptions of him begging her for pain medication. She told Andrea how seeing his distraught parents hover over him day after day became too much to bear and how she’d finally given him an overdose of morphine. Kristy described the peace that came over Jose as he died. Andrea jotted copious notes on the yellow legal pad. “I can understand why you would want to do that. I want you to know that I really do understand. A jury might, also.” “What are we going to do if they file a case saying I killed someone else?” Kristy asked. Andrea tapped her pencil on the table and watched a spider crawl up the wall. “If they file charges against you, we’ll counter with the mercy killing defense.” As if on cue, the burly matron opened the door, pointed at her watch, and took Kristy by the arm to escort her back to her cell.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 23 Cal sat across from Kristy. A Plexiglas partition kept them apart and forced them to converse through a small, screened opening. “You’re in quite a fix, Kristy-girl. You should have stayed in Sacramento with old Cal taking care of you.” “I haven’t done anything wrong,” Kristy said. “And, I have a question for you. Why didn’t you tell me you were wealthy?” “It was stupid of me, but I’ve never been sure whether women loved me for my money or my captivating personality.” Cal smiled and his eyes crinkled. “I liked you so much, I wanted to know if you felt the same way about me, without my money being involved.” “I’m not like that. I’ve never been a gold digger,” Kristy protested. “What about your former boyfriend? Wasn’t he a rich doctor?” Cal asked. “No, he wasn’t rich. Besides, it was different with us.” Cal’s face appeared drawn. The laugh wrinkles around his eyes were deeper and the sparkle was gone. “We’d better get down to business, Kristy-girl. I want you to know I’ll do anything I can to help you. Andrea agreed to take on your case, and I’m going to pay her fees. I’ll keep an eye on your family, too.” “Why?” Kristy looked perplexed. “Why would you do that for me?” “Let’s say it’s Just for Old Time Sake.” Cal closed his eyes. “I’d turn back the hands of time and pretend that you’re still mine.” “Ferlin Husky?” Kristy asked. “The one and only.” Kristy began to cry. “You’re right. I should have stayed in Sacramento.” Cal took both of her hands in his large, rough ones. “I’m sorry you didn’t, Kristy-girl. We could have been each other’s one and only.” Kristy pulled her hands away, dried her tears with the back of her hand, and glanced at the clock on the wall. “How are Laura and Ronnie? Do they have enough money to live on?” “Kristy-girl, they’re doin’ just fine. Ronnie is a good natured boy and Laura is steppin’ up to the plate--even though she’s a moody little old thing. She’s coming down this weekend.” “She’s coming down here?” Kristy asked. “Yeah. It’s taken her awhile to get things arranged and close up the house in Sacramento,” Cal said. “Why is she closing the house?” “She thought it would be better to be nearby during the trial. She’s been in cahoots with Carol, and she and Ronnie are going to stay in your condo.” “Is she doing that for me, or does she have some ulterior motive up her sleeve?” Kristy asked. “She acts like she’s really concerned about you.” “Will she be here for my arraignment? I’m not even sure when or if it’s been set, yet,” said Kristy. “It’s on the calendar for next Tuesday. She should be here by then. I’m meeting with Andrea later this morning to go over the latest developments.” Cal looked over his shoulder. “Uh-oh. Looks like our time is up. The Matron from Hell is here to escort you back to your cell.” Tears rolled down Kristy’s cheeks. “Cal, I can’t thank you enough for

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Medicinal Remedies everything you’re doing for me. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve all your help and support.” Cal put the palm of his right hand against the Plexiglas and Kristy pressed the palm of her left hand against his. They gazed at each other until the matron took Kristy by the arm and led her away. * The buzz of the intercom commanded Andrea’s attention. “Yes? What is it?” she asked her receptionist. “Mr. Harkinson is here to see you, Miss Rodriguez. Shall I send him in?” “Absolutely. I’m expecting him.” Cal smiled at Andrea as he entered her office. He’d left his cowboy hat in his rental car but the hat marks on his hair told of its pre-existence. “Good morning, Cal. How is Kristy doing?” “I just came from Sybil Brand. Kristy looks all right, but it’s hard to tell what’s really goin’ on. She’s less prepared for jail than anyone I can think of.” “Hopefully we can bail her out soon. The arraignment is scheduled for Tuesday morning. It’s in Division 203 in front of Judge Thomas,” Andrea said. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I think it would go a lot better if we could get Kristy to plead to a manslaughter charge.” “What would be the benefit in that?” “We could use the mercy killing defense and probably get her off with a light sentence. Voluntary manslaughter carries a sentence of from five to nine years. With time off for good behavior, she could be out in half that time.” “I don’t think there’s a chance in hell that we can get Kristy to plead guilty to anything. She keeps protesting that she can’t understand this whole thing and she hasn’t done anything wrong.” Cal squinted his eyes into slits and looked at Andrea. “Besides that, what makes you think she’s guilty of anything? My little Kristy-girl wouldn’t hurt a fly.” “I have a hypothesis that perhaps Kristy accidentally allowed someone to die, and didn’t see it as a hurtful thing.” “I don’t think for a minute that Kristy could ever kill someone. If she did allow someone to die, that’s not murder. We treat our animals on the farm better than that. Do you have any idea how many sick, old animals I’ve shot to put them out of their misery? Are you going to tell me that was the wrong thing to do?” Cal asked. “Cal, Animals and people are far removed from one another. What’s right for an old, sick animal is not necessarily the right thing to do for a human being. There are laws in place to protect people.” “Maybe our laws protect human beings too dang much in this country. Why should some poor bastard lie around in a hospital bed in agony for days and weeks when there are sophisticated medications that will put him out of his misery?” Cal asked. “I really don’t want to be having this euthanasia debate with you, Cal. You may have forgotten, but I am on your side in this. Kristy has denied doing anything to Mrs. Daily, so I guess we’ll have to wait until Tuesday and see what transpires in court.” *

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Medicinal Remedies Tuesday morning dawned crisp and clear. The March winds loosened Andrea’s hair, and several hairpins fell to the sidewalk as she hurried to her car. She cursed softly to herself, and realized that it would be a futile effort to try to fix her hair before she reached the courthouse. The arraignment was scheduled to be held in Judge Thomas’s courtroom at ten-thirty, and Andrea was well prepared. She’d started the morning confidently--except for her hair. That damn wind had ruined all her morning efforts at corralling her hair. Division 203 was packed when Andrea entered. The audience was made up of one or two bored retired persons who used court watching as a form of entertainment, numerous mothers, wives, and girlfriends of defendants, and a sprinkling of people who didn’t seem to belong there. Cal, Laura, Ronnie, Carol and Joan were in one of those groups. They looked like middle-America and seemed out of place in a court of law. Except maybe Carol, who was a bit overdone, as usual. Cal looked worried and was unconsciously squashing his cowboy hat in his lap, having been warned by the bailiff that Judge Thomas wasn’t at all tolerant about cowboy hats in the courtroom. Kristy was escorted into the courtroom and seated at the counsel table with Andrea. Mercilessly, she’d been freed of her handcuffs but still wore her jailhouse blues. She was pale, with dark circles under her eyes, and looked several pounds thinner than before her arrest. Her auburn hair was combed neatly and secured at the nape of her neck with a rubber band. She gazed about the courtroom looking for familiar faces. “Case number 100568, the People of the State of California versus Miss Kristina Petersen,” the court clerk announced. “Will the counsel for Miss Petersen please approach the bench?” Andrea rose from her seat and approached the judge’s bench. Her youthful appearance and her long black hair now flowing freely down her back, were in sharp contrast to Judge Thomas’ dignified appearance. Judge Thomas still possessed a full head of wavy silver hair. His clear blue eyes were partially obscured by the excess skin of his upper eyelids. The eyebrows were at least an inch long, and he’d taken pains to organize them into a type of visor that shaded his eyes. He alternated his gaze from Andrea to Kristy and back to the papers in front of him. “Mr. Solomon? Are you ready?” Judge Thomas asked. Joe Solomon, the Deputy District Attorney assigned to the case rose and turned to face Kristy. “Is Kristina Petersen your legal and correct name?” he asked. “Yes...yes it is,” Kristy answered in a voice so soft it could barely be heard in the courtroom. “The People of the State of California charge you with a violation of the Penal CODE number 187--murder--and that you did willfully, and with malice aforethought murder Mrs. Agnes Daily. How do you plead?” Mr. Solomon asked. Even more quietly than before, Kristy answered, “Not guilty.” “Very well then. Miss Kristina Petersen will be held at the Sybil Brand Institute, without bail, on charges of First Degree Murder. The preliminary hearing for this case is set for thirty days from now,” Judge Thomas replied. His gavel slammed on the wooden desk in front of him. Kristy sat in stunned silence, her face ashen. Kristy’s loved ones in the spectator section of the courtroom observed her reaction, realizing that she--being the naïve individual that she was--had

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Medicinal Remedies believed that she’d enter her plea of not guilty, and the kindly judge would let her go home with her friends. They felt her disappointment and fear at having to return to her cell at Sybil Brand. The bailiff escorted Kristy to the holding tank to await the end of the day, when the defendants who were not released after their arraignments, would be loaded up and returned to their various jail cells. She huddled in one corner on the end of a hard bench. It was dark and cold in the cell, but she was so exhausted that she leaned her head against the wall and fell asleep. Sleep was anything but peaceful. Nightmares began as soon as she closed her eyes. In the first dream, Kristy was walking down a long hospital corridor carrying a tray filled with patient medications. She looked into each room she passed. Patients were writhing about on the bed, moaning and reaching imploring hands in Kristy’s direction. She entered the last room, and lying on the bed was her father. He turned his face so his pain filled eyes were looking into hers. Silently, Kristy handed him the cups of medication she had on her tray. He took the pills and washed them down with the orange juice she offered. When he’d swallowed the last of the pills and juice, he smiled at her in relief and sank back onto the pillow. Kristy watched him fall into a deep slumber, then left the room. The next dream had her back in the courtroom she’d just left. She was wearing a white angel costume with wings and a halo. It was just like the one her mother had made for her to wear in a Christmas program when she was eight years old. The wings were made from poster board and edged in gold Christmas tinsel garland. The halo was fashioned from a piece of wire and was wound with the garland. It perched precariously above her head, and unless one looked closely, one couldn’t tell that it was balanced on a straight piece of hanger which was tied under her arms. Kristy entered the courtroom and looked around at everyone that was there. They were all dressed and seated exactly as they had been earlier. This time, however, Kristy floated into the room about a foot off the floor. She sang as she floated around the room, “I’m innocent, I’m innocent, as innocent as can be....” The spectators all smiled at her and sang, “We know, we believe you, you’re innocent as a newborn child....” Judge Thomas also smiled at her as he sang, “You’re free, you’re free, you’re free as the day you were born....” Kristy floated off into space and waved at her loved ones as she became smaller and smaller. She woke to, “Wake up, Miss Petersen. It’s time to get on the bus.”

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 24 “Kristy, please be reasonable. It’s been weeks since your arraignment,” Laura said with exasperation. “You’ve been sitting here in this jail with nothing but time on your hands. Who knows when your case will go to trial?” Kristy sat across from Laura. The stress and strain of her situation were taking a toll on her. Laura continued, “Why can’t you at least talk to Andrea about entering a guilty plea for manslaughter?” “Because I haven’t done anything wrong, that’s why,” Kristy stubbornly asserted. “At lease talk to her. She told me that with a manslaughter plea you could serve as little as two and a half years, with time off for good behavior.” Kristy sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “Carol and Cal have been after me, too. Andrea will be by later today.” Laura smiled her encouragement. “We want you home with us. Ronnie needs his aunt around while he’s growing up, and I need my big sister.” “I may as well. Apparently the DA has been grilling people at the hospital. I guess some of my former coworkers have turned against me and told a lot of lies. That, compounded by the fact that statistics show I had the bad luck of being at work when a lot of deaths took place has caused a case to be built against me.” “Good. Now that that’s settled, let’s talk about something a bit more pleasant. You should see Ronnie. I have to keep an eye on him continually. He’s crawling all over the place and has discovered your curio cabinet with your cat collection. It’s like he’s planning for the future when he’ll be able to pull himself up and get the door open.” Kristy smiled wistfully. “I wish I could be there, too. I detest missing out on these early months of his life.” Laura babbled on. “You should see him at Carol’s house. You know the chaos her house is always in with dogs, cats and teenage boys everywhere. Ronnie loves it. Carol’s boys love him, too. They cart him around and put him on that big dog’s back so he can ride her like a horse.” “How’s Mom?” Kristy asked. “Have you called the home to check on her?” “I talked to her right before I came to see you.” “Does she ask about me?” Kristy asked. “Sometimes, but she’s used to you not being around much and she doesn’t have any concept of time, so when I tell her you’ll be up to visit when you can, she’s content.” Kristy wiped a tear from her eye. “I don’t know when I’ll see her again.” “Here comes the guard,” Laura said. “I guess our time is up. Do me a favor, please. Talk to Andrea about entering a plea. Do it for your family.” “All right. I’ll talk to her, but I’m not promising anything.” “Thanks. Please keep an open mind about it,” Laura said. “I’ll try. Give Ronnie a big kiss for me, and tell Carol thanks for being such a good friend.” Kristy paused before saying, “And Cal, too, if you see him.” “I will.” Laura smiled shyly. “Cal’s a great guy. Take care of yourself.” Laura watched Kristy rise to go with the matron back to her cell.

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Medicinal Remedies * The corridors of Sybil Brand seemed darker and longer each day that she remained incarcerated. The clanging of the gates locking and the cell doors slamming echoed day and night. She felt isolated and alone. The other inmates shunned her and treated her as if she were insane. They whispered to each other as she walked by and pointed and stared. The only other inmate who would talk to her was an unfortunate young woman named Marie who’d murdered her newborn infant. Kristy recognized her as having post-partum psychosis, and couldn’t understand why the lawyers weren’t using that defense. Marie carried a bundle in her arms day and night. She talked to the bundle and sang lullabies to it. Kristy finally got close enough to see that the bundle was actually Marie’s shoe wrapped in a pillowcase. Marie was walking her bundle to the lunchroom when Kristy entered. Kristy filed to the back of the line to wait her turn to get her food. She hoped Marie wouldn’t see her so she could eat her lunch in solitude. “Hi, Kristy. Save baby Jesse and me a place in line,” Marie cried upon spotting Kristy. Ever the kind and patient nurse, Kristy smiled at Marie and gestured for her to take her place in line. The woman standing in front of Kristy turned to her friend and said, “Let’s eat later, Bobbie-Jo. Those two crazy bitches are behind us.” Kristy decided then and there that she would do anything she could to get out of this hell hole. When Andrea arrived later in the afternoon, she’d instruct her to make any kind of deal she could to get her out. * Kristy was already in the attorney interview room when Andrea arrived. She sat with her eyes downcast, her hands folded in her lap. “Now that you’ve had more time to think about things, have you changed your mind about pleading guilty to manslaughter?” Andrea was all business as she spread her papers and books out on the table in front of Kristy. “I don’t know if I can stand being in this place much longer,” said Kristy. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to figure out a way to tolerate it.” Andrea avoided looking at Kristy. “I’m not having much luck building a not guilty defense. There’s a lot of evidence against you.” “But, I’m not guilty. I’m a good person and a good nurse.” “Sadly, that’s just not enough,” Andrea said. “The District Attorney was willing to do some bargaining last week, but I don’t know if he still is.” Kristy stood and walked to the mirror on the wall. She knew it was a two-way mirror and that chances were good someone was observing her, but she stared into it anyway. She didn’t recognize the woman she’d become. She was terribly pale with hollow cheeks and dark circles under her eyes. Her red hair was desperately in need of brushing and combing. She looked older than her years and not much wiser. She turned to face Andrea. “All right. I’ll let you make whatever deal you can for me,” Kristy said. Andrea looked at her in astonishment. “So, you’ve finally come to your senses.”

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Medicinal Remedies “If that’s what you want to call it,” Kristy sighed. “I’m dying a slow death in here. There won’t be any of me left if I get convicted of murder and have to spend the rest of my life in prison.” “Trust me. You’ll spend less time in prison with a manslaughter conviction than with a murder conviction,” Andrea said. “I guess I don’t have any choice but to trust you. I’m living a nightmare and don’t know where the dreams end and real life begins.” Andrea put a hand on Kristy’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “This is it, Kristy. This is as real as it gets.” Silent tears rolled down Kristy’s cheeks. She slumped into a chair and covered her face with her hands. Andrea gathered her papers and stuffed them back into her briefcase. “I’m going to go see Ben Johnson right now and beg him to let you plead guilty to manslaughter. We’ll waive your preliminary hearing, and after a probation report is done we’ll go to court for the Judge to sentence you.” “What about a jury?” Kristy asked. “We’re going to waive jury and I’ll play to the Judge’s sympathies with the mercy killing defense. Your chances are better that way.” “What kind of time am I looking at?” “If we’re really lucky, your sentence could be five years. With time off for good behavior, you’d only end up serving about thirty months. Could you live with that?” Andrea asked. “It would be a lot easier than spending my entire life in prison.” Andrea smiled. “That’s what I thought. I’ll let you know how it goes with Ben.” * Ben Johnson was a tall, attractive black man somewhere between forty and fifty years of age. “Okay, Andrea. What’s the deal now? What does your client want to do?” “I know you’re getting tired of hearing about this, but I promise this is the last of it. You guys know you don’t have much evidence to go on,” Andrea said. “I’ve got enough to put her away for a long, long time.” Andrea smiled her sweetest smile. “Is it worth the time and money? I don’t think so. My client has agreed to plead guilty to manslaughter in the case of Agnes Daily. She isn’t coping well with jail. She’s a kind, warm and caring nurse who is in no way a threat to society. Ben, I wish you knew her like I do.” “Don’t make me cry. Unfortunately, you’re too late. My patience is gone. I’ve gathered too much evidence to do any plea bargaining now.” “Come on, Ben. What evidence do you have?” Andrea asked. “I have statistics on the deaths in the unit over the last five years, and I have a statistician who can plot out trends for me. There may be other cases to charge her with. I plan on having my medical experts research the charts of all the patients that died while in her care during the last year. There may be bodies out there that have to be exhumed. I have a feeling we’re just seeing the tip of the iceberg. Sorry, Andrea. The murder charge stands.” Andrea could feel redness creeping up her neck and hoped Ben wouldn’t notice. “I don’t want to take this to a jury, but I will if it is

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Medicinal Remedies necessary. I have an excellent defense, but it could take a long time and we’ll be wasting the taxpayer’s money. Why can’t we go before the Judge and work this out?” “Because your sweet little nurse client waited too long and wasted too much time protesting her innocence, that’s why. How about we agree to waive the preliminary hearing and get this thing set for trial? Let’s get down to business.” Andrea gazed at Ben for a long time before finally reading from his face that he truly wasn’t willing to negotiate any further. “Let’s set a date. I’ll insist on a jury trial. I want you to know that up front,” Andrea finally answered. * Two weeks later, Kristy sat silently and observed the proceedings in Department K of the Norwalk Superior Court. She listened to the judge arraign her on murder charges in the Superior Court. The trial date was set and Kristy was ushered out of the courtroom, and back to the bus to return to Sybil Brand Institute.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 25 Kristy was allowed to dress in civilian clothing for her day in court, after all the weeks spent in jail. The dress Andrea brought her to wear was not one she’d have chosen herself. Andrea wanted Kristy to look as sweet and innocent as possible, so she chose a navy blue tailored suit worn with a white blouse that had a wide white lace collar that buttoned at the neck. It fit loosely, Andrea having purchased Kristy’s pre-jail size. Andrea combed Kristy’s long, wiry hair and secured the sides with clips. Kristy wore no makeup, and the planned effect was easily accomplished. She looked like an innocent teenager rather than the thirty-five year old woman she was. The courtroom was packed when Kristy entered with her attorney--the media having done a good job in promoting the case of the ‘Angel of Mercy’. Carol, Laura, Joan and Cal were seated directly behind the counsel table. They smiled in unison at Kristy when they caught her eye. Carol gave her the thumbs-up sign. Kristy felt less alone than she had in weeks. Ben Johnson entered the courtroom carrying a heavy file box which he clunked down on his table. He seated himself and began arranging files and yellow legal pads filled with notes in front of him. Harvey Daily was seated directly behind Ben, his face expressionless as he gazed forward. “All rise. Department K of the County of Los Angeles Superior Court in now in session. The Honorable Bradford Tyler, presiding,” instructed the bailiff. Judge Tyler entered and settled into his chair behind the bench. The bailiff instructed everyone else to be seated, and the trial began. Ben Johnson called the first of many prosecution witnesses. This particular man was a Professor of Statistics at the local university. As a favor to Ben, he’d compiled statistics on deaths that had occurred over the past five years in the intensive care units of ten Southern California hospitals the size of Memorial. He’d plotted trends which showed that Memorial’s death rates on the night shift were 65% higher than any of the other hospitals. When questioned by Ben, he hypothesized that the reason the rates were lower on the day shift was that something unnatural had taken place on the night shift to alter the day shift figures. The jury seemed enthralled by the charts the professor presented. Judge Tyler merely seemed bored as he peered over the tops of his reading glasses and strained to see the charts. The final chart the professor presented showed all of the nurses that worked on the night shift at Memorial during the past two years. The line next to each nurse’s name would remain steady but would spike occasionally. Some nurses had more spikes than others. One nurse in particular had many spikes next to her name. The professor pointed out, at Ben’s prodding, that these spikes represented patients that died while in the care of the particular nurse whose name was next to the line. He paused dramatically before indicating that the name with the most spikes next to it was Kristina Petersen. He then pointed to a particular spike on the graph and indicated the name that correlated to the spike was Agnes Daily. “Objection! This proves nothing. It’s just numbers with no explanation behind it. I would like this stricken as evidence,” Andrea said to Judge Tyler. “Objection overruled, Miss Rodriguez,” Judge Tyler said. “You’ll be given ample opportunity to present a possible explanation to the ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Please sit down. If Mr. Johnson has finished with Professor Stanton, Court will be in recess for thirty minutes. I expect you all

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Medicinal Remedies to be present and seated in exactly thirty minutes from now.” Judge Tyler stood to leave the courtroom. Andrea leaned over to speak to Kristy. “I don’t want you to get discouraged by the witnesses Ben is calling. Their testimony may look convincing, but the prosecution is not proving their case.” Kristy was quiet and thoughtful. She realized that no one knew the truth but her. She hadn’t told anyone about the patients she’d cared for, except for what she’d told Andrea about Jose. No one needed to know. She hadn’t done anything wrong. She’d performed the ultimate in unselfish loving acts for her terminally ill patients. No regrets--ever. The trial seemed to take forever. Ben called witness after witness without any tangible evidence being entered into court. He talked about how Kristy murdered Agnes Daily. He called the few coworkers who’d turned against her, and they testified about how she had an extraordinary amount of patients die. Primarily, he repeatedly hammered the jury with Professor Stanford’s statistics. Finally, Ben completed his witnesses and Andrea approached the bench. “Your Honor, the People have not proven their case. We move to dismiss,” said Andrea. “Counsel, the Court will not dismiss. We will have the jury make the decision. Please call your first witness,” Judge Tyler replied. Andrea called her witnesses. Kristy’s loyal friends and coworkers testified in her behalf. Carol testified as her immediate supervisor, and described Kristy as being the most reliable, skilled and technically knowledgeable nurse she had on her staff. She explained that due to Kristy’s expertise, she was always assigned the most difficult and critically ill patients to care for. Carol said that this was the reason Kristy’s patients died more often--they had less of a chance for survival to begin with. It was the end of the day when Carol completed her testimony. “Carol was my last witness. The only person left to testify is you. I’ll put you on the stand first thing in the morning. You’re my ace-in-the-hole. I can feel that the jury is on your side already, and I know that you’ll be the clincher,” Andrea said. “I hope you’re right, Andrea. I really hope you’re right,” Kristy replied. “I’ll put you on the stand first thing in the morning. Try to rest well tonight. Tomorrow will be tough,” said Andrea, who then gave her an encouraging hug before hurrying off to her office. Kristy, as so many times before, was led to the waiting bus to transport her back to Sybil Brand.

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Medicinal Remedies Chapter 26 Kristy’s eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep, the strain of not knowing what her future held evident on her face. She watched Cal enter the visitor’s room. “Cal, I’ve seen the expressions on the juror’s faces. They think I’m some sort of a monster. They’re going to send me away for the rest of my life.” “You’re sounding negative, and you better cut it out. You’re taking the stand tomorrow and you’ve got to convince those people of your innocence.” She turned away from him. “There’s no way I’ll get off without going to prison.” “Ben Johnson is out to get you, and you’d better not let him make you look like a murderer.” “I need to get some things straight in my mind before court tomorrow,” Kristy said. “Laura won’t be able to handle all the responsibilities when I go away to prison. Have you talked to her about what she’ll need to do?” “Yeah, we’ve talked.” Cal ran his fingers through his hair. “Not for a minute do I believe you’re going to prison, but I told her I’d help her.” “What’s the plan?” Kristy asked. “I’ll get one of my rigs down here with a couple of my guys. We’ll close up your house and move everything back to Sacramento.” “I don’t have much worth moving.” “You’ll need stuff when you get out--not that you’re going anywhere. Still, I can put your things in storage if there isn’t enough room at your sister’s house.” “Just go through and get rid of all the personal stuff. Keep my cat collection, though, and make sure Laura packs them carefully. She might want to take my china cabinet that I keep my collection in.” Kristy stood up and began pacing the room. “I’ll have to move back in with Laura when I get out of prison, anyway. The Board of Registered Nursing will pull my license and I won’t be able to work as a nurse. I won’t have a way to make a living.” “There you go again. You’re being too negative. You don’t know that any of this is going to take place.” “Yes I do. I know it deep down in my soul. I’m going directly to prison from the courtroom tomorrow.” Kristy started to cry. “Come on, Kristy. I see Laura and Carol standing outside. They’ve brought Ronnie. I’m going to leave now so you can visit with them.” Cal stood up and moved towards the door. “I’ll be in the courtroom tomorrow. I’ll always be there for you. You can count on Old Cal.” “Goodbye, Cal. I’m eternally grateful to you for all you’ve done. You’re a wonderful man and I’m a stupid, stupid woman.” The matron ushered Cal out the door and allowed Carol and Laura to bring Ronnie into the visiting room. The three women embraced simultaneously and burst into tears. Ronnie looked bewildered. “One more day and it will be all over,” Laura said. “Andrea doesn’t have any other witnesses besides you. You’ll be out of here tomorrow night.” Carol chimed in, “That’s right. You better get out of here and take that damn cat of yours home. He’s driving my dog nuts. First he rubs up against the dog like he likes her, then when she looks really happy, he turns around

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Medicinal Remedies and bats her on the nose with his paw. She falls for it every time.” “When I go to prison, will you keep Pooh as your own?” Kristy said. “I know you love him no matter how much you protest.” “You stop that! You are NOT going to prison, but if it makes you feel better, I’ll keep your damn cat,” Carol said in between sniffles. Kristy turned her attentions to Laura. “I don’t know what you’re going to tell Mom, but please don’t tell her the truth. Make up some story about me going around the world on traveling nurse assignments or something. Tell her I needed to make more money and that’s the best way to do it. Promise me that, please.” “I promise. What are you going to say in court tomorrow?” Laura asked. “I’m going to tell the truth, that’s all. I don’t know why Agnes Daily died. I don’t have answers for Ben and Harvey. Her death had nothing to do with the care I was giving her. I’ll just answers the questions he asks me one at a time and hope for the best. I have to hope those jury members find me more convincing than they found Professor Sanford.” * There was standing room only in the courtroom as Kristy was called to the witness box. She obediently raised her right hand to be sworn in by the bailiff. “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me God?” “I do,” answered Kristy. “Your witness, Miss Rodriguez,” said Judge Tyler. Andrea smiled reassuringly at Kristy as she walked towards the witness stand. Kristy concentrated on Andrea and tried to forget that anyone else was in the room, just as she’d been instructed to do. “Kristy, I would like for you to begin by telling me about yourself, particularly about your career as a nurse. Why did you choose to go into nursing?” “I guess...I just always wanted to be a nurse. When I was a little girl, I would play with my dolls and pretend that I was a nurse taking care of them. I’d try to cure whatever they had wrong with them.” “Tell me, did your pretend patients ever die?” Andrea asked. “Oh no. They always got better, no matter what was wrong with them.” “Do you remember when you first discovered that people don’t always get better...that sometimes they do die?” “Yes, I do. It was when I was in high school and my dad got cancer. He had all kinds of treatments, but he died anyway. Then, my mom had a car accident that put her into a coma. She survived but was permanently disabled. I watched the nurses care for my parents during those times and decided for sure that I was going to be a nurse.” Andrea glanced at the jurors to see if they were taking notice of Kristy’s peaceful demeanor as she talked about her decision to become a nurse. “How did you come to decide to go into critical care nursing as a new graduate? Isn’t that a little unusual?” Andrea asked. “I suppose so, but I was in the right place at the right time. When I

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Medicinal Remedies got out of nursing school, there was a shortage of critical care nurses and they were willing to train me. I saw it as an opportunity to do the most good since patients in critical care are the most ill. I thought I could help them all get well and get out of there.” “I imagine you were pretty disappointed when you discovered that a lot of you patients didn’t get well, that a lot of them died no matter what you did.” “Oh, yes. I was devastated when my first patient expired. I blamed myself and felt guilty. I was awfully naïve. I thought that since I’d done everything the right way, the patients would get better,” Kristy said sadly. “I suppose it’s safe to say then that it would be inconceivable that you would ever purposely do something to harm a patient.” “Absolutely! I would never, ever do anything to hurt a patient in my care!” “Let’s change the subject for awhile. Tell me about Mrs. Agnes Daily. I know you cared for her, but it’s been several months ago so I’m not sure you’ll remember details.” “I remember her well. I felt sorry for her. She had Alzheimer’s disease and lived in some sort of a home. She’d burned herself--I think she’d pulled a pan full of hot liquid off the stove or something like that. Anyway, she got a severe infection and ended up septic. Then she got pneumonia, and her son insisted that she be put on a respirator. None of the antibiotics we gave her worked, and she eventually went into kidney failure, heart failure, and basically all of her body systems failed.” “Can you tell me what she finally died from?” Andrea asked. “Well, like I said, everything just failed. She went into an irregular heart rhythm and we called a code blue, but our resuscitation efforts failed. I guess it was just her time to go.” “I would have to agree with you, Kristy. Now, tell me how it came to be that you always took care of the most critical patients in the unit.” “It’s a little hard for me to talk about myself. I don’t like to feel like I’m bragging.” “Tell me. You won’t be bragging to me. I really want to know,” Andrea coaxed. “I worked hard to become the best nurse in the unit. I studied all the time, worked extra hours, and asked to take the heaviest assignments so that I could learn more. After awhile it just became routine. It was kind of a game to me. We’d listen to change of shift report and when we’d heard about all the patients, I’d decide which one was the sickest. The charge nurse invariably assigned that one to me. I was capable of handling any case that was assigned. I loved the challenge.” “Then I suppose it would make sense that your patients died more frequently than some of the other nurse’s patients.” “That’s right. My patients were the ones on machines and medications to keep them alive. Much of the time, no matter what we did, they’d die anyway.” “Thank you, Kristy.” Andrea turned to face the Judge. “That’s all the questions I have for her, Your Honor.” “Your witness, Mr. Johnson,” Judge Tyler said. Ben Johnson rose and walked towards the witness stand. He surveyed the courtroom and seemed to be puzzled by something. “Kristina, I’m a little confused. Maybe you can clarify something for

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Medicinal Remedies me. You said that it was Agnes Daily’s time to die. Can you tell me how you came to that conclusion? Did you have some sort of exchange with God wherein he told you it was Agnes Daily’s time to die?” Kristy looked startled and didn’t answer Ben’s questions. “Please answer me. How was it that you knew it was her time to die?” Kristy squirmed in her seat and glanced uneasily at Andrea. “Well...of course I didn’t have any inside information. It was just intuition. After all my years of experience, I can tell when someone is getting close to death.” “I see it a little differently. Isn’t it a fact that you decided it was her time to die and gave her an overdose of potassium chloride. You decided to do that after you realized how easy it would be to mix up potassium chloride with sodium chloride. Mrs. Daily died of a ventricular arrhythmia brought on by the high potassium level in her system.” Andrea jumped to her feet. “Objection, Your Honor. He’s badgering the witness!” “Sustained. Mr. Johnson. Please direct your questions to Miss Peterson,” Judge Tyler said. “Kristina. An autopsy performed on Mrs. Daily showed a potassium level of 7.3--up from her morning potassium level of 3.1. Can you explain to the ladies and gentlemen of the jury how that could happen so quickly in someone who was not in complete renal failure?” Ben asked. “That potassium level was probably a laboratory error. The blood was probably clotted in the tube and that’s why it was so high. Or, maybe the morning level of 3.1 was wrong. Maybe it was actually a lot higher. I guess what I’m saying is, it couldn’t go up that quickly naturally.” Ben placed an index finger on the side of his cheek as if deep in though. “If someone had injected a whole vial of potassium into her intravenous line, that could cause it to rise that fast, couldn’t it?” “Yes, I suppose so.” Kristy frowned. “But, no one did. I was her nurse and we were too busy that night for anyone else to have an opportunity to do it.” “Can you also explain why your coworker would find an empty vial of potassium chloride on Mrs. Daily’s nightstand, since she wasn’t receiving potassium in her intravenous?” Kristy licked her lips and took a deep breath. “Maybe when one of my coworkers came to help me turn her, they brought the vial in. Maybe they’d added it to an IV or something and still had the bottle in their hand. I really don’t know how it got there but it didn’t come from me.” “Let’s look at something else I find a bit perplexing. Why, when you knew that Mrs. Daily was a FULL CODE, did you fail to intervene when she started having irregular heartbeats? Was it because you were expecting them since you knew that she had a high potassium level? Could it be that you wanted to keep them covered up until it was to late to do anything about them?” Kristy fidgeted in her chair, twisting a crumpled tissue in her hands. After a long pause, she replied, “Of course not! It isn’t at all unusual for patients in Mrs. Daily’s condition to have premature ventricular contractions. They come and go, and I was expecting them to go away again. I didn’t call the doctor because I didn’t feel the PVC’s were ominous.” “But what about when they DID become ominous? What about when Mrs. Daily coded? Didn’t you delay that, too?” asked Ben. “NO. Absolutely not! I called a code as soon as I needed to. There wasn’t a delay.”

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Medicinal Remedies Kristy’s face was red and she was near tears. “Miss Peterson. Were you aware that one of your coworkers was within earshot while you and Carol were turning Mrs. Daily? This coworker said that she overheard you telling Carol that if Mrs. Daily went into ventricular fibrillation, it would save you trouble, and then you went on to comment that the labels on the sodium chloride and the potassium chloride were very similar. Care to comment?” “So what? I was only comparing labels. Where’s the harm in that? And, as for the comment about the ventricular fibrillation--it may have been tacky, but it was true. We have a lot of patients that we force to live longer than they should or even want to. I didn’t mean the comment in a bad way at all.” Tears were pouring down Kristy’s cheeks and she dabbed at them with the frayed tissue. “Miss Peterson. I see right through your denial, and I’m sure that the ladies and gentlemen of the jury do, also. You killed Mrs. Daily and you probably have murdered scores of other innocent patients as well. The statistics certainly point in that direction,” Ben Johnson said disgustedly. The courtroom was silent. All eyes were on Kristy. She sat in the witness stand with her face in her hands. Her body convulsed with wailing sobs. After a very long time, she raised her eyes to meet Ben’s. “I am not a murderess. I am a nurse. I have always provided my patients with the kindest of care. If I ever did anything to hasten someone’s death, it was only out of kindness. I never meant to kill anyone. Like the time I gave Jose the morphine I’d been saving up. He was in excruciating pain-more than any human being should have to bear. He had terminal cancer. Why should he have to suffer so badly? I gave him the morphine so he could finally rest. It was out of kindness. I couldn’t bear watching him suffer any longer, and I couldn’t bear watching his friends and family. They were dying a little at a time, too. It just wasn’t fair. We’re kinder to animals than that. We put them out of their misery, don’t we? I didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t you see?” Kristy crumpled into a sobbing heap in the witness chair. Ben Johnson walked slowly back to his table. He exchanged triumphant looks with Harvey Daily before sitting down. Andrea sat with a dazed expression on her face. She’d never expected Kristy to blurt out the story of Jose in the courtroom, and knew that by doing so she had clinched her fate.

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Medicinal Remedies Epilogue Kristy puttered around the lab. She wiped the counters down with a ten percent bleach solution to kill any bacteria or viruses that might be lingering there. She checked the refrigerator one more time to make sure that all the specimens were correctly labeled and placed in plastic bags so the courier could take them to the central lab outside the prison walls. She then checked the log to make sure all of the specimens had been correctly entered. All of the double checking wasn’t really necessary since Kristy had been doing the job for so long that she could practically do it in her sleep. She’d entered the gates of Frontera State Women’s Prison three and a half years earlier after being convicted of manslaughter in the death of Agnes Daily. Ben and Harvey had been terribly disappointed when the murder charges were reduced by the jury. Since being in prison, Kristy had been a model prisoner and gradually been given more freedom and responsibilities. She was now working in the infirmary as a nurse’s aide and laboratory assistant. Her license as a Registered Nurse in the State of California was gone forever, but her skills as a nurse weren’t, and those skills were in great demand in the infirmary. Bernadette Tremaine, RN, saw value in having Kristy work in her infirmary. Bernie was in her late fifties, grossly obese, with varicose veins and bad knees from years of hospital nursing. Kristy’s arrival afforded Bernie an opportunity to get off her feet and plant herself in a chair behind the nurse’s station. Kristy was assigned all of the nursing care, with the exception of administering medications. The only time Bernie rose from her throne behind the desk was to lumber over to the locked medicine cabinet and prepare doses for the inmates who were her patients. “Kristy. I found one I forgot to tell you about. We need a HIV drawn on Cook in bed ten. If you hurry, you can still get it out on this run,” Bernie said. Kristy emerged from the lab--syringe and needle in hand. Bernie didn’t even raise her eyes from the magazine she was reading while holding the lab slip in Kristy’s direction. “Laverne Cook? Let me check your arm band. I need to draw some blood to send to the lab,” Kristy said to the thin young woman lying quietly on the bed. “What for? Haven’t you taken enough blood since I’ve been in here? Are you saving it up to give to someone else?” “I’m sorry I need to get more. You’ve had just about every other test done to try to figure out why you’re having night sweats and diarrhea. The one last thing the doctor wants to check for is AIDS. You’ve used intravenous drugs for a lot of years. He wants to rule it out. Try not to worry about it. The results will be back in a few days.” The young woman turned her face towards the wall and extended her arm to Kristy, who expertly got the needed sample of blood before heading back to the lab. “I hope you were careful drawing that one. I’m betting she’s HIV positive. She’s been shooting up since she was eleven years old. Pitiful, really pitiful,” Bernie said. She swiveled her stool around to face Kristy. “Your parole hearing is just a couple of days away, and it’s almost certain you’ll be leaving here. Where are you going? Got any plans?” Kristy labeled the newest specimen, repeating the steps she’d taken with all the others--with one exception. Before putting the specimen in the

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Medicinal Remedies container for the courier, she saved a small amount of the blood in a vial she kept hidden in the freezer. She discarded the used needle and syringe in the sharps container, removed her latex gloves, and walked to the sink to wash her hands. “I have everything taken care of. I’m confident they’re going to let me out. I’ll go back to Sacramento to live with my sister and nephew. I just wish Mom could be there, too. She passed away right after I came in here,” Kristy said sadly. “I’d heard that she did. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see her again. You got a bum rap. I’ll never believe that you killed anyone. We nurses don’t do those kinds of things. So, what about a job?” “I’ve told you about Cal, haven’t I?” Kristy asked. “You sure have. He sounds like quite the man.” “He’s a great guy. He’s got a good friend that’s an internist in Sacramento, and he’s offered me a job as a medical assistant in his back office. Sight unseen. Can you imagine that?” “I sure can. You’re a born nurse and that’s what you should be doing when you get out.” Bernadette looked slyly at Kristy. “What about Cal? Any future with him?” “Probably not.” Kristy avoided her eyes. “I get the feeling he’s gotten close to my sister Laura, and my nephew Ronnie. He’s helped Laura with the bills and even paid for my mother’s funeral.” “He’s certainly stuck by you.” “Yes, he kept his promise to me. I asked him to look out for my family, and he did.” “He’s still around. Maybe there’s a future for you.” “Cal is the most loyal person I’ve ever known, but I think he’s loyal to Laura now. The rest of my friends have gone by the wayside. Out of all of them, I thought that Carol would have stood by me. I haven’t heard from her in over a year. Oh well, I guess that’s the way it goes.” “Hey, I wish you the very best. You go before that parole board and knock them dead--no pun intended.” Bernie laughed. “Don’t think I won’t hate to see you go. I’m going to have to start working again.” Bernadette picked up a piece of paper from her desk. “Oops. Here’s another lab slip I missed. Leticia Johnson needs a complete blood count drawn. She’s suspected of having appendicitis, and we need a CBC before we let her out of here to go have surgery. I’m going out for a smoke. Take care of that for me, will you?” Kristy gathered her syringe, needle and tourniquet to draw the preoperative lab work on Letitia. When she reached the patient’s bedside, the woman glared at her menacingly. “What are you lookin’ at, ho? Don’t be comin’ near me with no needles you white bitch. How come you ain’t got that faggot white doctor to take my appendix out yet?” “We will just as soon as I get the blood that we need to run before surgery. Please cooperate with me, Leticia. I’m here to help you.” “I’ll help you...BITCH!” Leticia reached towards Kristy and knocked the tray that contained the needle and syringe to the floor. The cap fell off the needle, causing it to become contaminated. “Why’d you do that? Now I have to go back and get another sterile needle. If you’d cooperate, we could get you off to surgery a lot faster.” Kristy returned to the lab and threw the contaminated needle away.

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Medicinal Remedies She opened a fresh, sterile needle and placed it on the tray with the syringe. She’d lost her alcohol wipes, so she replaced those from a box kept on top of the refrigerator. Before returning to draw the blood sample from Leticia, she opened the refrigerator door. Images of everyone in her life that had ever treated her badly descended upon her in an evil, dark cloud that invaded her thought processes. She reached into the freezer for the vial of HIV contaminated blood. She attached the needle to the syringe that she was going to use to draw blood on Letitia, and drew a minute amount of contaminated blood into the syringe. Letitia reluctantly held her arm out to Kristy when she returned with the tray. “Get it over with quick, Bitch.” “It will only hurt for a second, I promise,” Kristy said as she placed the tourniquet on Letitia’s arm. * “Kristina Peterson. We, the members of the parole board of the State of California, find you to be totally rehabilitated. You have paid your dues and are no longer a threat to society. You are free to go now....”

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