Merge

Merge - 1

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher. Merge TOP SHELF An imprint of Torquere Press Publishers PO Box 2545 Round Rock, TX 78680 Copyright 2007 Chris Owen

Cover illustration by Alessia Brio Published with permission ISBN: 978-1-60370-390-1, 1-60370-390-X www.torquerepress.com All rights reserved, which includes the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever except as provided by the U.S. Copyright Law. For information address Torquere Press. Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680. First Torquere Press Printing: May 2008 Printed in the USA

Merge - 2

Dedication

To Kammy, with thanks and affection. ~C

Merge - 3

Prologue

No two objects can occupy the same space at the same moment in time. ... unless one takes into account the possibility of alternate dimensions. *** Science in one dimension of Earth, which its inhabitants refer to as the Alpha dimension, has proven not only that the planet has multiple dimensions, probably an infinite number of them, but also that the link between their own and the one nearest to them is strong. So strong, in fact, that it might cause problems for Alpha in terms of domestic stability if the people of Beta were to act upon that closeness. The connection is strong enough, or the dimensions are close enough, or the realities are similar enough, that the people of Alpha can see, hear, and even feel the emotions of the people in the Beta dimension. The people and their geography appear washed out and gray while the people of Alpha are in full color, but every individual can be seen and heard, and, to some extent, felt as well, depending upon the intensity of their emotions. Of course, the people of Alpha are not permitted to interact with that population. There are very strict laws in place regulating behavior with regard to the residents of Beta, and even stricter ones to deal with the area between the dimensions. A field made up of energy, Between is the no-man's-land that separates the two dimensions. It is accessible to anyone from Alpha in that they have the ability to get there; the area is patrolled, however, by the Department of Security to keep unauthorized watching, spying, interfering, and interacting at the acceptable level of "zero." The authority to actually do any of those things is granted through the government and a few education and scientific research agencies and is heavily regulated. For years, it has been believed, taught, and insisted upon that any attempt to cross from Between into the Beta dimension would result in death, either the physical destruction of the body or, worse, the body and mind being trapped in the energy field, unable to move, unable to exist. But two men are hurrying, rushing through Between in a near panic. They each have bags -- one with a backpack, the other with a satchel -- and it is the man with the satchel who knows where they're going.

Merge - 4

They don't feel the energy within Between, used to it as they are. They halt where they need to, used to watching through the barrier to Beta, used to the odd feelings that come with seeing two dimensions of space and time at once. And then the man with the satchel, his face lined with fear and uncertainty, takes a step. He no longer moves within Between. The other man watches for a moment and then nods as he backs away. When he turns to run back the way he came, he can already hear the faint vibrations of people moving in Between. If he hurries, he can avoid being captured. He hopes his friend is all right in Beta. It will be a long time before he can find out.

Merge - 5

Chapter One

Finn Cormag knew all about headaches. He was an academic, a scientist and a researcher; he was a man who had spent the greater part of his adult life buried in notes, well into many sleepless nights. He knew about the headaches that radiated from the back of his skull from stress. He recognized the ones that were like fire across his forehead from eyestrain and the ones that crossed the bridge of his nose when his body had simply gone too long without sleep or food. But Finn had never had a headache quite like this one. It didn't radiate from any particular point, expanding outward. Instead, it felt like his whole head was being squeezed from some external torture device that was simultaneously blasting noise at him. He could feel the pain extending down his neck, slowly engulfing his whole body, and he tried to force himself to relax. Tension in all of his muscles would only make it worse, surely. He rolled his head from side to side and kept his eyes closed. After a moment, he unclenched his fingers and made them straighten out, feeling the carpet under his hands. He could still hear the TV, but the sound was way down, the words flowing together like a single, low-level hum. And over that hum were the more familiar sounds that he was used to filtering out without even thinking about it. If filtering out the sounds of emotions was work, Finn was pretty sure that this was no ordinary headache, by any definition. Behind his eyelids, somewhere in his mind, he saw a weird yellow-orange color that felt like worry and anxiety. That was new. "Here, take this." Finn opened his eyes and looked up. He was still sitting on the floor of Ari's bedroom, his back propped up against the bed. "Thank you." He reached for the small pill and the glass of water Ari offered him. Ari sank down onto the floor beside him. "Drink it slowly; you're still pale, and I'd really hate for it to make you sick." "It's just water." Finn peered into the glass, knowing that Ari was looking just as carefully at him. "And you don't know if I'm pale or not. I'm probably less washed out than I was before I came through."

Merge - 6

"That's how I know you're pale," Ari corrected him, his voice low. "You're pretty much the same color as always." Finn nodded, slowly and carefully, agreeing that if he appeared that washed out he probably was pale. He took the pill and sipped the water for a moment before leaning his head back against the bed again, his eyes closed. "Headache," he said, knowing that it was probably unnecessary to point it out but wanting to say something. It seemed like a good place to start. Ari laughed dryly. "I would think so, yes. I assume that you don't normally react like this when you go from Between to your own... uh, dimension?" "Nope." Finn started to shake his head but stopped immediately. "This is all new." "Lucky you." Ari's voice was sympathetic, and Finn could feel him shifting slightly, settling back against the side of the bed. Finn grunted and waited for the pain to recede a bit. His stomach churned, but only for a moment, and after a few long minutes he opened his eyes carefully. The room no longer seemed to be swimming. "You have fast acting pills over here." "It helps when they're prescription painkillers, which is why I only gave you one. So, are you ready to tell me what the hell is going on?" "You first. Give me a couple of minutes." The odd color show was settling down a bit; he could still see the wash of orange, which was smoothing into a nicer yellow, and he could sort of tell that it was coming, somehow, from Ari. Ari let out a long breath. "Well, I'm not exactly sure. I just know what was on the news. The reporters are running it as a weird kind of freaky occurrence thing, so it's not the top story yet. I think it might become breaking news soon, though, since people are vanishing." He waved his hand in the air. "Like, disappearing. And it's a lot of people, a couple hundred, over a few hours. They all seemed to be linked to some cult at first, but now the reporters are saying it's not a mass suicide or anything like it, so they're starting to speculate. I mean, with no bodies, it's kind of hard to know what's going on." Finn made a noise of agreement. "Are there any witnesses?" He rubbed his forehead, hoping to diminish the pain even more. "Not yet." Ari tapped the glass in Finn's other hand. "Drink. Tell me what's going on. Why are you here?' Not ready to explain one or two of the varied reasons why he’d chosen to jump dimensions, Finn sipped the water again. "It's a long story." He sighed and rolled his head slightly to look at Ari's face. "But I suppose that doesn't matter, does it? I'm betting we have a lot of time."

Merge - 7

"Yep. It doesn't matter at all how long the telling of the tale is." Ari almost smiled at him, the corners of his mouth twitching before his forehead furrowed again. "Come on. Off the floor." Finn waited until Ari got to his feet and took the offered hand. He pushed, Ari pulled, and in a moment he was standing, his head a little swimmy again. Ari watched him carefully, and the yellow flared orange for a moment. "Okay?" "Not horrible, but I'm not going to run out and do anything requiring balance." "Right, so we're not going far." Ari pointed at the bed. "Lie down. Or at least sit." Finn didn't even bother arguing, as there was very little point in bravado after he'd hurtled himself through dimensions, not sure if he'd survive the journey. As far as Finn was concerned, he was brave enough by his own standards, and sprawling on a bed to deal with the unique kind of jetlag he had was completely acceptable. "Better?" Ari asked, stretching out next to him and propping his head up on his arm. "God, much." Finn helped himself to a pillow and looked at the smooth surface of the ceiling. "So, I had kind of a rough day." "You don't say." "Well, it started off pretty good. There was a naked guy." Ari snorted, though whether it was in amusement or merely impatience, Finn couldn't tell. "What happened after you left here?" Finn sighed and tried to order his thoughts. He could still hear the persistent low hum of emotional static that seemed linked to the colors, and, now that the headache was receding, it was become more and more of a distraction. "Um," he said, squeezing the bridge of his nose. God, it felt like morning had been days ago instead of only nine or ten hours. "I headed to work." "Uh-huh. You were going to take the day off, I thought?" Ari was quiet but encouraging, just lying there beside him, giving him time to think. "Yeah, but I wanted to talk to Blake first, and I knew he'd be there. I went the same way I usually do: in Between. I was a little distracted by that whole naked guy thing, so I just... went. Did I ever tell you that here in Beta the entrance to the Institute I work at is a deli?" Again, Ari snorted. "So what happened when you got there?" "Well, I'd screwed up. Usually, I just stay in Between until I get to where my office is and go through there. But I had to get into Alpha outside the building so I could go through security and sign in."

Merge - 8

"Whoops." "Whoops. I didn't drive to work, obviously, but I figured I'd just take the bus home. Anyway, I went into the parking garage and found a little out-of-the-way corner and came out of Between there. Then I walked out and headed to the building. Blake was there; he rides a bicycle to work and was locking it up to the rack." In his peripheral vision Finn could see Ari tilt his head, nodding awkwardly on his crooked arm. "I stopped to talk to him -- he's been helping me a lot, doing some research, the whole contactwith-security thing, finding out when and where patrols can be expected." Finn's voice trailed off as it suddenly hit him that he might not see Blake ever again. Of course, Blake had said that he'd find Finn. But with everything so upset and confused... it could be years. If ever. Finn sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Anyway. You know all that. Yeah." Beside him, Ari shifted his weight a little and pulled the other pillow to himself. "Then what?" "Then security showed up. Apparently there're video cameras in the parking garage, and when I came through, I got caught by an Institute camera and the guard watching it. He's mandated to call it in, so he did." "And that's a big no-no." Ari groaned and closed his eyes. "You've told me what they can do to you if you go to Between without proper authorization." "Yep." It was a very bad thing, getting caught without papers. "So I said as little as possible and didn't argue with them. I had no idea how much they knew, or how routine the discussion was going to be. And then there was Blake, babbling at me as he left, thanking me for taking the time to talk to him about some sleep and REM-affecting filters project I'd never heard of before." Ari gave him a look, studying him. "I assume that was important." "Oh, yes. Very. What was also important was that Blake took my bag with him. I had a file in there that he'd given me; I told you about that, I think. Someone has been theorizing about a link between people who go missing from here and the ability to travel from Beta to Alpha." He and Ari both turned to look at the TV. "Imagine that," Ari said softly. "Exactly. Just after Blake gave me the file, the Department of Security swept in and slapped a classified sticker on the whole thing and vanished the project." "So he grabbed your bag to keep them from finding it. They searched you?" Ari was leaning toward him now, his face intent. "Eventually. Basically, they took me to the department, tried to trick me into giving them my systemwide password, and we sat around until my representative showed up. When she did, she

Merge - 9

told them I had proper authorization and showed them my permits and the clause that let me into Between in the early morning hours." Ari's eyebrows shot up. "And this authorization came from...?" Finn looked at him. "From the project Blake had mentioned." "Which you'd never heard of." "Exactly. And yet, when I opened my bag -- she'd brought it with her -- there was no secret file, but there was a white paper outline the project, with my name on it as the author." Ari whistled. "Blake to the rescue." "In a pretty big way. Apparently, he's had it in place for a little while; he figured I was going to get caught watching you eventually." Finn fell silent, once more thinking about Blake and how much the man had helped him out. "God." "So they let you go," Ari said softly. "Yeah." Finn shook off his thoughts about Blake and rolled onto his side. "Uh, Blake was there, waiting for me when they were done with me. He'd signed us out for the day, and we went to my parents' house to do some research with my aunt. Who practically jumped on him and demanded to know who he really was and who he's working for. Turns out, he wouldn't say." Ari shook his head slightly. "Layers upon layers," he murmured. "You don't know the half of it. He can sense. In Alpha, I mean. He could sense my feelings. That's just not normal." Finn pushed away the fact that he seemed to be sensing Ari, and that he had colors to go with the experience. That wasn't normal, either. "Anyway, we hung out there, read a lot, learned nothing. Then he got a call, the news broke in on a TV show to say that the National Guard was being called in to keep people out of Between, and Blake said that in a matter of hours all clearances would be totally revoked. So we bolted." "They would have found out you didn't really have clearance." Ari was looking at him with a steady gaze. "Yeah. Blake hadn't managed to get my so-called permissions deep enough into the system. They'd find out fast that it was faked. And then I'd be... well. Prison would be the most pleasant possibility." He didn't even want to think about the other options. "Is anything going to happen to Blake? They'll still find out, especially now that you're gone." Finn thought about that for a long moment. "I don't know," he finally admitted. "I hope not. I suspect that Blake's had his own way out planned for ages. He's very, very smart. I think he knew what he was doing."

Merge - 10

Ari nodded slowly. "I hope so." "Me, too." Finn looked at Ari, suddenly cognizant of the fact that the man was right there in front of them, in full color, the sun coming in the window and lighting the side of his face. He looked thoughtful and calm, his hair neat and his shirt partially unbuttoned, like he'd been interrupted when changing after work. He looked wonderful. Ari's hair was about the shade Finn had guessed, but his eyes were different; while Finn had assumed hazel or even green, they were more a warm brown with flecks of gold. His skin was slightly more tanned than Finn had thought, and it looked far more smooth. His beard was a bit darker than the rest of his hair, the late afternoon stubble making a shadow along his jaw. Finn forced himself to get back on track and not to be distracted by the pull Ari had on him. "Why are you home so early?" he asked, suddenly curious. Ari usually didn't get home from work until after seven in the evening, at the earliest. Ari smiled widely, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "I played hooky. Actually, Duncan and I did. We went to the park so he could teach me how to meditate, and then we just took the rest of the day off." "Meditate. You went to the park with your assistant to meditate." Finn looked at Ari again, carefully. He was fully aware that what Ari meant by "meditate" was probably really "get calm enough to see Between." He'd talked about it that morning, but even Finn didn't think he'd move that fast. He'd hoped Ari would chill out for a weekend, at least. "Duncan's been worried about me for the last week or so." Ari shrugged one shoulder. "I couldn't exactly tell him the truth about what's been going on, but even before you actually turned up in my bedroom door I'd told him about the weird stuff happening. And then breaking up with Ben... Well, Duncan thought it would help. Which was convenient for me, really." "Very." Finn looked in Ari's eyes, trying to imagine Ari actually trying not to think. Ari always thought, was always busy. Well, unless he was having sex, but even then, from what Finn had seen, he was still focused and driven. Possibly even more so. Dangerous thoughts, again. "It was pretty cool," Ari said, nodding and not looking away as his smile grew. "I can't say that I've ever sat in a park in the middle of the afternoon wearing a suit before, though. I did leave the jacket at the office." "I'm sure you looked very casual." Finn thought about the things that Ari had told him that morning, like dreams and trances and astral projection. About the ways that people on Beta

Merge - 11

attempted to see what else was out there, at the dim far reaches of their minds or souls. "You were hoping to see Alpha, of course, or Between, at least." Ari, to his credit, didn't deny it. He made a face and seemed to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Well, yes," he admitted. "I know better than to actually try to get to Between or Alpha, though - you made your point this morning." "And you made yours." Finn thought about the chair that Ari had pushed through the boundary to Between, the one that they had both touched at the same time. "You don't ever stop reaching for the next goal, do you?" He couldn't quite keep the note of admiration out of his voice, though it was entirely inappropriate and even a bit frustrating. "Not really, no." Ari grinned at him. "It's a personality flaw. In any case, it didn't work. I didn't see a thing other than sun and trees. I managed to relax, though. That part was nice." "Good," Finn said dryly. "Promise me you won't try to see again. And that you absolutely won't try to cross." Ari looked at the TV. "No," he said, his smile fading. "I won't be trying to cross." He looked back at Finn and added. "You won't be, either. Welcome to your new life. What are we going to do now?" Finn looked back at him and didn't have a reply. He had no idea what they were going to do. What he was going to do. A new dimension where he didn't exist in any way other than the physical. No identity, no home, no job, no family; not even a change of clothes. All he had was a file shoved in his bag and a hurriedly scribbled note from Blake. He had absolutely no idea what they were going to do next.

Merge - 12

Chapter Two

Ari watched Finn's eyes widen, his pupils growing huge and making the dark blue around them into a thin circle. Just as his eyes stopped dilating, what color Finn had regained since lying on the bed drained away. "Oh, shit." Ari immediately scooted closer and put one hand on Finn's jaw. "I'm sorry. Too soon to ask that, clearly. Come on, stay with me. Breathe, okay? Take a deep breath, don't worry about it right now." Finn shook his head but didn't try to move away. "It's true, though." His voice was thin and scratchy, his eyes still open too wide and dilated. "Shh, don't panic." Ari cursed himself for not realizing what was at stake for Finn, for not appreciating the enormity of what had happened. Finn had left his home, left everything behind him, and hadn't had time to plan a single thing. Of course he was going to go into shock. But he didn't. At least, he didn't panic any worse than he already was, and he didn't get off the bed and start to pace or yell. He just stared at Ari and nodded, clearly trying not to hyperventilate. "I don't know what I'm going to do next," he whispered. "You don't have to know yet. Really, you don't. All you have to do right now is lose the headache. I shouldn't have asked." Ari left his hand on Finn's jaw and stared right back, acutely aware that he was the one thing Finn had in this particular version of the world. It wasn't a very nice feeling, but he'd deal with that later. He was used to dealing with pressure. Right then, all he had to do was calm Finn down. After that... well, that kind of brought him back to the whole question of what they were going to do next, so he left it at "keep Finn calm." With his free hand and a little bit of acrobatics, Ari dragged the edge of the bedspread up and over them both. "You need to keep warm." It took a couple of minutes, but Finn's color came back a little and he closed his eyes. As he fell back onto the pillow, Finn groaned and said, "I'm going to have to figure it out sometime." "Sure." Ari realized he still had his hand on Finn's face and awkwardly pulled it down, resting it on Finn's neck and shoulder instead. He could feel the thrum of Finn's pulse, could see it in the vein under Finn's ear. "But not right now."

Merge - 13

Finn swallowed and nodded, his eyelids fluttering for a moment before they lifted and worried eyes looked at him. "Soon, though. Um. Ari?" Ari nodded, looking at his eyes and noting that the pupils were shrinking again. "Yeah?" "I think I need a place to crash for a few days." There was a long moment when Finn looked at him, blinking, and then Ari started to laugh. He squeezed Finn's shoulder and nodded. "You don't say?" Finn started to laugh, too, the sound of them both becoming slightly hysterical. "I don't suppose you know a place I could go?" Finn said between one laugh and the next. "A handy motel? Or a nice little haven for dispossessed people from an alternate dimension of reality?" "This area's too upscale for that." Ari could feel his chest getting tight, his dress shirt suddenly feeling like it was going to choke him. "Sorry. Best I can do is to open my own door. Now that you actually need them to get in and can leave them and all kinds of fun things like that." "God, you can lock me out if you want, now. The power, it has shifted." Finn was grinning at him, shaking or maybe just trembling, and Ari found himself hoping that they both managed to keep their shit together for just a little while longer. There was hard work and trouble coming, he knew, but a few more minutes to get ready for it would be nice. "Oh, God," Finn whispered, still staring into Ari's eyes. "I'm so fucked. So, so fucked." "Not as long as I wanted," Ari said under his breath. Louder, he said, "No. No, listen to me, Finn." Once more, he lifted his hand and laid it along Finn's jaw. "Are you listening?" "How can you be so calm? Does this happen to you at work?" Finn didn't seem to even notice Ari's hand on him. "Maybe this is why you're so good at what you do; you just handle stuff better than everyone else. You're good in a crisis." "I'm good in a crisis," Ari agreed. He kept his voice calm and moved himself closer to Finn, wrapping him up once more against shock. "And you need to be, too, okay? You need to just... settle." Finn nodded slowly. "Okay," he whispered. "I'll settle. I need to stay here for a bit." "Of course." Ari nodded with him, not taking his gaze away from Finn's eyes. "You can stay here. Tomorrow you can sleep and watch TV and use my computer to poke around at whatever you want to find out about... here. Our world. I'll have to go to work, but it's just one day, all right? Duncan will fall over and die if I call in sick the day after we play hooky in the park." "Tomorrow's Friday." Finn closed his eyes for a long moment and sighed. "Okay. I have to keep myself calm. Tomorrow is Friday; you will work. I will make myself at home and make lists of

Merge - 14

things I'm going to have to figure out -- not the least of which is going to be how to make some money so I can buy myself a change of clothes." Ari smiled a little, pleased that he could feel Finn relax under his hand, against his leg. Finn really was calming down, at least a little. "I think I can lend you some clothes. And when I get home tomorrow I'll see what I can do to help with the rest, all right? You're not alone, Finn. I promise. We'll figure out the basics." "Not alone." Finn looked at him again, suddenly far closer than he had been, though neither of them had moved as much as an inch. "This is such a bad idea," Ari whispered, his thumb brushing Finn's stubble, feeling the strong line of his jaw. "The very worst idea ever." Finn's words were the agreement Ari was looking for, but they were spoken right against Ari's mouth. Which, honestly, was way better. It was a bad idea. It was a truly horrible idea. But it felt really, really good, and Ari wasn't sure who was moving them closer together, if he was rolling or if Finn was, and he couldn't bring himself to care. Finn's lips were soft, but his kiss was far from gentle, which didn't surprise Ari at all. Finn didn't particularly seem like the sort of guy who would be tentative once he started on a path. The evidence pretty much all pointed to the other direction, really, and the way Finn took over the kiss only served to underline the point. Ari's hand was still on Finn's jaw, but it was no longer for comforting Finn, for giving him some kind of tactile solace. Instead, Ari slid his hand slightly back and held Finn's head, adjusted the angle ever so slightly, as if he still had some sort of control over the situation. It was all an illusion, though he wasn't sure whose, for as soon as he gave Finn the slightest encouragement, Finn's efforts redoubled. His own head was cupped in surprisingly large hands and his mouth pried open by Finn's kiss. A very bad idea, but, God, it felt good. Good enough that Ari willingly surrendered any sort of resistance and went with it, rolling over both figuratively and literally. Finn's legs thrashed as he apparently fought the blanket for a moment, still kissing Ari and making soft sounds, and then Ari was covered, pushed down into the mattress by the solid bulk of Finn's body. Finn was devouring his mouth, kissing him deeper and with a lot more skill than Ari had experienced in years. Ari had a moment to wonder about that, shocked to discover that he'd been missing out on fantastic kisses and not even known, and then all of Ari's attention was abruptly brought into sharp focus, right on how insanely good his cock felt. "God," Finn gasped, his eyes wide and his mouth framed by swollen lips. "Oh."

Merge - 15

Ari nodded in agreement. He could feel the hard length of Finn's prick pushing against his own, and it felt a lot like a good moment to say God's name and sing a few praises. "Hang on." Ari dragged the blanket off Finn's back and made a grab for Finn's ass. "Like this." He pushed up with his hips and squeezed with his hands. "God," Finn repeated, his back arching slightly. "Ari." Ari moaned and did it again, pulling one leg up so he could get a little more leverage. He got the friction he was looking for, swore as he pushed up even harder, and then swore again as the sound on the TV suddenly came back on, nice and loud. He'd pressed the remote with his thigh, and as he fumbled to grab the stupid thing and turn it back down, Finn cried out and started to shake. For a surprised moment Ari thought that Finn had started to come. It would have been pretty flattering, and Ari was more than prepared to rub off on Finn's hip and join him a sticky mess, but then he realized that Finn's sounds were almost of pain instead of anything that sounded like relief. "Finn?" Ari pushed and rolled them over so he could see Finn's face. He could still feel Finn's erection, and the shaking was already slacking off. "Finn, what's wrong?" "Don't know." Finn lay on his back and pushed the heels of his hands against his eyes again, like his headache had come back. "It just... God, it's so weird being able to feel you. It was like a loop, you know? From you to me and it got really intense and then it just got really loud and jagged when the sound came back on and your attention jumped around. Red and blue and white." "I have no idea what you're talking about." Ari hated not knowing what was going on, but clearly Finn had a slightly more intense reason to be unhappy if he'd been hit with some kind of pain because of Ari or the TV or whatever. "Are you okay? We can talk about this after you're okay." "I'm okay." Finn shook his head and grinned without opening his eyes. "Really." He reached and patted around for a moment before he found one of Ari's wrists. He dragged Ari's hand down and grinned even wider. "See?" he asked, pushing his erection into Ari's hand. "Just fine." Ari rolled his eyes and snickered. "You're a very exciting guy," he said dryly. Confused, a little worried, and a lot out of his depth, Ari cupped Finn's cock and petted him gently. "What happened?" he asked in a soft voice. "Feelings got all intense," Finn whispered. "I couldn't filter at all, probably because I'm really turned on. I could feel you wanting, feel you feeling good. And then the TV got loud and you thought about that, I assume. I don't know, I can't read what you're thinking or anything close to that. But the general impression of your emotions went from 'ohhhhh yeah' to 'what the fuck' and it snapped me back. Your hand feels good."

Merge - 16

"I should hope so." Ari squeezed him again and sighed. "This is a bad idea, Finn. I was thinking that just before we started messing around. A really bad idea." "Uh-huh." Finn didn't look at him, and in the background a commercial for laptop computers played, the voice-over particularly obnoxious. "But, to tell you the absolute truth, I don't care. Bad idea, good idea, I just don't care. It feels good. And it's been a long time. And it's you. " "That's why it's a bad idea." But he was undoing Finn's jeans as he said it, the button sliding free of the button hole with ease. Nice jeans, well washed and comfortable, and Ari figured that Finn would be glad he'd been wearing them. Maybe life was easier when you were wearing your favorite jeans. Ari didn't know. "It's me. And that means a lot more to you than I really understand yet. Will you tell me about it?" Ari whispered as he slid his hand into Finn's boxers. "Not at the moment," Finn said, his voice tight. His whole body was tight, really, his hips jumping as Ari's hand closed around his cock and tugged. "But, later, yeah. Oh, God." Ari gave up. He told his conscience to shut up, as it wasn't doing a very good job anyway, and he decided that if his life was going to spin wildly out of control, he was going to at least have some nice sex while it happened. Or Finn was. Something. "I'm so confused." Ari said it out loud, but he was sure Finn didn't hear him, or maybe he just didn't care. Panting lightly, looking up at the ceiling and blinking rapidly, Finn looked like Ari's confusion wasn't affecting him at all. He looked completely unconcerned about it, as a matter of fact. He also looked really, really wonderful. Finn's skin was finally a color that wasn't so pale it was translucent, and his lips were still swollen and red from kisses. In Ari's hand, Finn's cock was hard and warm and a little slippery. Confusion suddenly didn't matter to Ari, abruptly didn't even register. With a quick jerk of his free hand, Ari tugged Finn's jeans and boxers down his hips. "Wow," he said, looking at the prize in his hand. "That's... really nice." "Thanks." Finn didn't seem to mean anything other than just that, his tone a little breathless, but not mocking or embarrassed or even modest. Apparently he was aware that he had a little more than the average man and was willing to accept compliments about it. Ari tugged at Finn's jeans again and then straddled Ari's thighs. "You just lie there," he said, stroking Finn's cock in a loose fist. "Let me take my time here." Finn gasped, one of his own hands making fist in the blanket beside him. "Only if taking your time means not very long." "Uh-huh, we'll see." Ari was aware that he must have sounded distracted, but it didn't really matter. He was finding that very little mattered. One thing after another had been shot down in

Merge - 17

the face of yet another, all evening. Ever since Finn had walked into his room, solid and messed up, every single thing had paled in the light of the big picture. At that exact moment, the big picture was in Ari's hands. Hard and curving slightly, leaking from the head, Finn's cock was the entire picture, the most important thing in any dimension of any universe. Ari knew that the situation would change, and likely almost immediately, but he was beginning to get the idea that his life was going to have to be lived moment by moment, for the next couple of days at least. This moment was really good. "Ari!" Finn twisted and jerked as Ari stroked him, the tips of his fingers tracing thick veins and playing with the little ridge of skin around the crown and his palm sliding on soft skin. "There, do that again." "Do what again?" Ari honestly had no idea. "This?" He jerked Finn once more, from the base of his cock to the tip, the pads of his fingers slipping through the steady stream of precome. Finn made a strangled noise, air gurgling in his throat as he nodded. "That'll do," he said with flattering incoherence. "Just don't stop." "Why on earth would I stop?" Ari was grinning, delighted as he looked away from Finn's face only to look at his cock. "God, you're hard." "I know." Finn's free hand, the one not tangled in the blanket, suddenly clamped onto Ari's wrist. "You're a tease." "You should know that by now," Ari pointed out. He smiled as he played with Finn's cock. It was true, he was a tease. He was good at it. "You watched me long enough. You know how I am. How I fuck, how I get off, the sounds I make. And now I get to learn you." As a tease went, Ari thought that maybe Finn would like words, if not for what they were but for the images they were sure to bring to mind. The hand on Ari's wrist gripped him tighter, the cock in his hand briefly swelling even harder. Finn was gasping, his back and neck arching as he moved, hips rocking. Ari was sure the eyes looking up at him weren't seeing anything, though. "That's it," Ari said, jerking Finn off again, fighting the grip on his hand and working the broad, slippery length of Finn's cock. "Just let it go and show me." Finn cried out, the sound completely different from the one he'd made only minutes before. Finn coming didn't sound anything at all like Finn in pain, or Finn surprised. Finn coming sounded like joy, raw and earthy and uninhibited, loud and unrestrained.

Merge - 18

Ari laughed, captivated, and stroked him through it as Finn's prick thumped in his hand. Wet with come, Ari's hand slid easily, spreading the mess around and into Finn's skin. "Oops," he said without a single bit of regret. "We made a mess on your shirt." "Don't care." Finn still wasn't seeing anything, as his eyes were shut, but he looked pretty happy. He was grinning and relaxed, and didn't seem to care that his dick was out and that he was covered in come. "Best cure for a headache, ever." He opened his eyes and reached for Ari, his hands pulling Ari down by his shirt. "Careful!" Ari didn't really mean the protest, and he laughed as Finn dragged him down for a kiss. "You're going to mess up my clothes." "Kind of the point. I know you're a little picky about your clothes... oh, wait. You're not." Finn laughed right back at him and kissed him hard as he rolled them over. "Fair is fair," he said, looking down at Ari and winking. "I suppose it is." Ari could hardly argue with that, and yet his conscience was pricking at him again. His conscience usually had much better timing. He put his hand over Finn's, which was plucking insistently at Ari's fly, and said, "How about we be fair after we eat some dinner." Finn's eyebrows shot up. "You want dinner before you get yours?" "I want dinner and talking and possibly a shower. Hey, I'll even give you a shared shower and we can take care of things then. But right now, yeah. The world is spinning and I know this is messing us both up pretty bad. Time to eat some Chinese delivery and watch TV and find our footing." "You are such a businessman." Oddly, it didn't sound like an insult. "You know, I think that you and Blake would really have gotten along." "Yeah?" Ari watched as Finn put his cock away and did up his jeans. "How come?" "Because he plans, same as you. I mean, he thinks long term, same as you. And you both seem pretty able to change direction at the turn of a thought, let alone the drop of a dime. Oh, and you both find me pretty irresistible." "I beg your pardon?" Ari snorted and stayed where he was, watching Finn act smug as he lay back on the bed and plucked his wet T-shirt off his belly. He couldn't swear to it, but he'd be willing to bet a lot of money that the conversation had been routed to Blake so quickly to mask a bit of pain at being rebuffed. "He has a crush on me," Finn confided in a mock whisper. "Kissed me in my kitchen, even. It was a bit of a shock. Now, you didn't kiss me in the kitchen, of course, but I'll take what I can get."

Merge - 19

Ari blinked, simultaneously annoyed that Blake had kissed Finn, that Finn was telling him, and that he was even annoyed in the first place. He was also fully aware that Finn was, indeed, hurting. "Finn," Ari said softly, leaning over and kissing him gently. "You've been watching me all my life. You care about me. I know this. I'm aware that you have actual emotions about me. But I've only known you for about a week. Long enough to want you, yes. Long enough to like you. But I am not the kind of man who's going to just jump into anything at this stage. I won't hurt you like that. Ben left me less than two weeks ago. I won't do that to either you or me. We can talk about boundaries and stuff later. I want to. Because, yes, I want to have lots and lots of sex. I like sex. But I don't want to hurt you or damage you or anything else." Finn sighed. "I'm too tired and messed up to put up a front in the face of that kind of honesty. You don't play fair at all, do you?" "Hell, no." Ari smiled at him and kissed Finn's mouth gently before pulling away. "So. Food, TV, a shower, possibly an orgasm, and then you and I are going to make some plans, okay?" Finn looked at him and nodded, a ghost of a smile passing over his face. "Yes, boss. Extra egg rolls." Ari could do that. Egg rolls were always a good starting place.

Merge - 20

Chapter Three

As it worked out, there were plenty of extra egg rolls, but the rest of the plan got derailed rather quickly. By the time the food was delivered, Finn had already showered, and once he was clean and fed, he found that he could barely follow Ari from one end of a sentence to the other. He knew what all the words were and he knew what they meant, but when they were all strung together in groups they got very confusing. Very shortly after Finn noted that Ari wasn't making much sense he fell asleep, without even having the good manners to get Ari off or even to pick up his satchel from where it had landed by the bedroom door. Of course, Finn didn't discover any of this until he woke up on Friday morning to find that he was still wearing a borrowed T-shirt, borrowed track pants, and had drooled all over one of Ari's pillows. He could only guess that Ari was a far better host than Finn was a guest, since Ari hadn't woken him up to send him to the guest room. Finn lay on the bed, not even lifting his head up other than just enough to wipe the corner of his mouth. He listened carefully, without opening his eyes, trying to judge the state of his existence. He could hear the shower running, and he couldn't hear Ari breathing, so he took the reasonable chance of assuming he was alone and opened his eyes. In the semi-darkness of early morning, he could see that even if he hadn't made it all the way under the comforter, someone had. Presumably Ari, of course. The covers had been tossed back, and Finn had clearly not spent the night alone. "Damn it." Just his luck to fall asleep right after eating and miss the first night he'd ever spent in the same bed as Ari. Possibly the only night. It was a little hard to tell, given the interesting dynamics between them, and if Finn was realistic about his situation it was unimportant as well, at least when measured against the rest of his worries. With a sigh, Finn rolled flat on his back and looked at the ceiling. He'd been doing a lot of that since he'd arrived in Beta, and the ceiling didn't look any different than his own. That was kind of comforting. He wasn't sure how long he lay there before the sound of water running was shut off, but as soon as he noticed it, he felt his gut tighten. Then the tight feeling turned to a flutter, and Finn had to suppress the urge to bury his head under a pillow. He wasn't sure what the proper etiquette was

Merge - 21

for his precise situation. Was he was supposed to get up and make the bed before Ari had finished shaving and dressing, or if it was better to just lie there and pretend he was still asleep? Guilt got him moving more than anything else. Ari had let him sleep, had given up part of his bed without really needing to, and had even taken the time to cover him up with a blanket. Finn thought that was a particularly kind thing to do, so he really couldn't justify staying in bed and hiding from his new life. Not when Ari was going out of his way to make things smoother for him. Finn got up and made the bed as neatly as he could, not sure if Ari liked the sheets tucked in all along the edges or not. He decided it didn't really matter, folded the extra blanket and left it at the end of the bed, and then started to go to the kitchen. As he approached the bedroom door, however, he paused and looked around. He looked at the bedroom, still dark, and turned himself in a slow circle, taking in the room from a new perspective. It looked the same but it felt so different. "You should try going through the door," Ari said softly. Finn twisted with a jerk, startled. "I went through it last night. I had a shower." "But now you're thinking. Realizing." Ari was in the hall, a towel around his waist and his arms folded over his chest. He was looking at Finn thoughtfully, contemplating. He looked like he did at the office when he was considering an interesting problem. "Come here," he said gently, holding out a hand. "What?" Finn was wary, but he took the few steps he needed to and crossed the threshold, taking Ari's hand. He could feel a soft gray-blue buzz coming from Ari, could almost hear it. It wasn't like the way he literally heard the people of Beta when he was home; it was far more subtle and invasive, right in his brain instead of in his ears. It was disturbing enough that he forced contemplation of the sensation away until later. Much later. "Here." Ari didn't seem to notice Finn's distraction, and he moved Finn, positioned him in the doorway and then stayed with him. "This is where you stood," he said, standing right behind Finn and putting an arm around Finn's waist. "For longer than I knew. Right here, this is where we met. And now you can move out of this doorframe. You can explore and see and touch. You're part of this world now, Finn. It's yours." "Jesus, you really don't hold back much on the big concepts, do you?" Finn laughed nervously and leaned back, not letting Ari take all his weight, but enough to let Ari know he was fully aware how close they were. "I haven't even had breakfast yet and you're presenting me with this?" "You've got to start somewhere. And leaving the bedroom is a good start." "I think I already pointed out that I've done that before. Last night."

Merge - 22

"And I think I've pointed out that this is different. Are we going to stand here arguing all morning?" Finn shook his head and sighed. "No. You're going to go shave and I'm going to go make you breakfast. That new world is waiting for me." "But you're not going to actually leave the house, right?" Finn snorted and turned around to face Ari, who was looking at him with faint apprehension. "I have a very full day planned. It involves television, the news, and making many, many lists." "Okay." Ari grinned at him and let him go. "You can use my computer, of course. Go online." He started to walk away, the hem of his towel twitching. "Hey, do you remember telling me that our dimensions shared some key historic figures?" "Yeah." Finn watched the edge of the towel and followed along to the door of the bathroom. He'd been in that particular doorframe before, too. "I don't suppose Bill Gates was one?" Finn laughed. "Hell, yeah. So was Steve Jobs." "Good, I've got a Mac. I made you a separate user profile last night, after you fell asleep." Ari ran water in the sink and looked at the mirror. "That cool?" "Very." Finn went into the bathroom, a slight thrill going down his spine as he didn't vanish. "Thanks." He stood behind Ari for a moment, looking at him in the mirror. "For everything," he added. Then he kissed Ari's shoulder and left him to shave. He suspected they'd both chosen to ignore the way his eyes had gotten shiny as they'd stood looking in the mirror. *** Finn saw Ari off to work and tried very, very hard not to stand at the door and wave like a housewife from a TV show rooted in some mythical era of time. His own mother had certainly never done anything like that, and he wasn't sure why the incredibly uncomfortable image had even occurred to him. Ari had given him a quick tour of the mostly bare cupboards before he left, and Finn had the coffee maker going in no time. He very carefully selected one of the white mugs from the shelf of white mugs and put it on the counter. It was a little frightening how little personality the kitchen had.

Merge - 23

Finn's mother's kitchen had been the heart of their house. The kitchen in his own apartment was full of mismatched things that he'd collected over the years, from plates he'd bought in college to the mugs he'd stolen from work. Everything in Ari's kitchen was new or white, and in some cases new and white. There was a price sticker on the side of one of the bowls. Uncomfortable, Finn poured his coffee and took the mug to the living room. There was more personality in there, like Ari used the room at least occasionally. Finn had been through most of the house before, of course, but it was different now. Colors popped out at him from unexpected places; objects and images that Finn had thought to be shades of gray, or merely less vibrant than they really were, grabbed his attention. Finn found himself slowly walking around the living room, revising his impressions of the way Ari decorated and the way he chose to keep mementos and where. It wasn't that Ari didn't have things the way that Finn did, it was that the things were different and they were displayed in different areas. Finn had collected objects throughout his life, useful items that he continued to use; Ari had visual representations of people and places, and he had books. A lot of books. The photographs on the bookshelf looked pretty much as Finn had expected, perfect little rectangular mirrors of real life, but the art on the walls turned out not to be monochromatic paintings but pale watercolors done in muted hues with a delicate brush. They were far more complex than he'd ever suspected and somehow warm, despite the blues and purples. They had personality and hinted at what the painter might have felt in a moment of time. To own such paintings revealed as well, far more than anything in the sterile kitchen. Finn walked through the whole house, sipping his coffee and looking into rooms, going into most and standing in the middle of them, studying everything he could see. He stopped short of opening drawers or looking in cupboards, though he did read the spines of books and pick up a stray slip of paper that seemed to have missed the waste paper basket. The living room had held small bits of Ari, the home office a lot more, and the guest room nearly nothing. The bedroom was by far the most intimate room in the house, and not merely because of the bed and various acts that happened in it; the books in the bedroom were well thumbed and clearly being read, and the casual approach to housekeeping in there made the room look and feel lived in and warm. Even a stranger would have known that Ari lived in that room. Ari slept and dressed there, watched TV in there and read. It was the heart of his house, and as soon as Finn finished his coffee, he suddenly bolted down the short hall to the bathroom to vomit it back up. He didn't belong there. Not in Ari's room, not in his house, not in the whole damn dimension. He was a stranger, an interloper, and all at once he was crushed by the weight of every visit he'd made, the intrusion he'd made on Ari's life. He had never had any right to see these rooms at all, not without invitation. He'd never earned the right to know the names of the people in the

Merge - 24

photographs, to know where Ari chose to spend his time, to understand that the kitchen was bare because Ari simply didn't care about pottery the way he cared about paintings or fabrics. And Finn certainly hadn't earned the right to walk through Between and into a life that wasn't his to mess up. Finn sat on the bathroom floor and wept until the sound of his own breath became a grating annoyance, and then he leaned back and reached for a towel. He'd messed up. Now it was time to fix it.

Merge - 25

Chapter Four

"Good morning, Duncan." Ari walked into the outer office and went right on through the reception area to his own desk, one hand tossing his bag onto the conference table and the other tugging at the buttons of his suit jacket. "Uh, morning, Ari." Duncan followed him and went to the coffee pot. "Do you need any of this or would it simply be adding to the manic energy load you're already showing? Note to self: An afternoon off work with the boss will mean hyper boss in the morning. Do not take afternoon off with boss again. End note." "Coffee, yes. Afternoon off today, no. Meditation is back to the 'we'll see' list. However, I do expect a work slowdown this weekend, so you can plan on Monday being less hectic than usual. Unless you look at the planner and tell me I've got top-level meetings on Monday already, in which case we're going to have to spend today calling people and setting up new meetings for later. By 'we' I mean 'you.'" He tossed his jacket over the back of his chair and unbuttoned his shirt cuffs. "So." Duncan was staring at him, one hand holding the coffee carafe and the other shoved into his trouser pocket. He looked kind of like a photo out of an Ikea catalogue, if not for the rather worried expression on his face. Ari sat at his desk and dug around, looking for his planner. As Duncan always kept Ari's desk free of unnecessary paperwork, the entire procedure involved nudging one file about three inches to the left. "Ah, there it is. So, how was your night?" Duncan put the carafe back on the machine and left, going back to the main room where his desk was. In a moment he reappeared, his large coordinating control planner and a notebook in hand, with his coffee mug. "Good morning, Ari," he said with a smile. "I must have missed you coming in. Someone came in, but he wasn't you. The other guy was, frankly, terrifying." He put his things on the table and went back to the coffee maker again. "Shall we try this again?" "You're funny." Ari took his planner to the table and opened it up. "I got an unexpected guest last night and he's going to be staying for a little while, is all. I can't work this weekend unless it's vital. Thus, adjustments need to be made." "Oh!" Duncan, clearly relieved, poured coffee and joined him. "All right then, let's clear the deck. I assume the idea of you going to Madrid for a few weeks is back off the radar? Although,

Merge - 26

we could still let the office there know it might happen -- good strategy, short term. And if your guest is gone in a week or so, it's still viable, too." "Mmm. Guest is probably long term, but let's talk about Madrid next week." Ari kept his eyes on his planner and started flipping pages, looking for meetings that would require a lot of prep. "Also, did you see the news last night? I had it on in the car this morning, too. The people are coming back." "God, isn't that just the most insane thing? People go, then they come back. The news is already treating it like some kind of joke, but I was pretty freaked out watching it last night." Duncan shook his head and looked faintly embarrassed. "Uh, next Wednesday you have Lorgram and Innes at ten. That's a lot of number crunching, but it's almost ready to go and we can pass it down a couple of floors to Skylar, if you want. Let him do well on this and see if he's ready to promote." "What would I do without you?" Ari murmured, making a note. "I'll call it down as soon as we're done here. And yeah, I know -- according to the report I heard, almost all of the people who vanished and came back have been detained. But they didn't say by who or anything else, not even where the people were from. Like, usually we hear about 'this many Americans' or something, but this time? Nothing." "It's creepy and being buried." Duncan turned a page in the planner and put his pen down. "Don't you think? I don't know. Maybe I'm getting paranoid. It's getting harder and harder to tell what's accurate and what's being spun into something else." "I know." Ari leaned back and sipped his coffee. "But, at the same time, I find myself watching the news with a cynical eye and wondering just what percentage of it actually has a direct effect on me, and what percentage has a ripple effect, and how much of it doesn't touch me at all. Maybe we just have too much information to process. Not that I want anything hidden away." He rolled his eyes, but Duncan was nodding at him. "Right." Duncan grinned ruefully. "We want to know everything, we want transparency. But we also need about six extra hours in a day to deal with all the information and see what's relevant to our personal worlds. Because, honestly? People vanishing and coming back doesn't have any effect on me at all." Ari nodded woodenly and felt a little ill. "Yeah. Nor me." *** By ten in the morning Ari had done a reasonable amount of work and delegated a lot more in preparation for taking a few hours off here and there to hang out with his guest. Duncan hadn't asked too many questions, though he was clearly dying to know as much as he could. He hadn't even asked for a name when he'd offered to make dinner reservations.

Merge - 27

Ari suspected that, more than anything else, Duncan was trying to figure out what the relationship status was from the kind of restaurant Ari picked. He'd certainly frowned when Ari had turned down the offer and said they were planning to eat in and catch up. "Oh, a friend from college?" Duncan asked, aggressively casual about it. "No. Just someone who's known me a long, long time. Can you call Skylar and ask him to come up here, please?" Duncan had left disappointed, and Skylar had left looking excited and pleased, so Ari counted it a win. When he had his mid-morning coffee, he waved Duncan out of the office and called home, tensing as the phone rang three times and then four. When the machine picked up he listened to his own voice without hearing the actual words on the recording, other than to note the message sounded a little brusque. When the recorded greeting finished he said, "Hey, it's me. Pick up, okay?" and hoped to hell that Finn would do just that. If not, Ari would have to go hunting for him and aside from his own house he had no idea where Finn would be. "Hey, I'm here." He sounded breathless and a little tense, but it was Finn. "Man, you scared me." "Not nearly as much as you scared me. Did you know that your caller ID lists your number as 'God'?" Ari blinked. "It what?" "It says 'God.'" "Okay, you know what, I didn't do that. My ego is healthy, but it's not out of control." "Yeah, I know. I kind of figure Ben did it, but you have no idea what it's like to be freaking out anyway and then realize that God is calling." Ari had to bite down on a laugh. "Okay, I guess that would be pretty intense, yeah." He took a breath and closed his eyes, wondering idly if every conversation with Finn was going to be full of surprises. "You said you were freaking out?" There was a long pause. "Uh, a bit. Maybe. I'm okay. Hey, it's not even noon, it's too early for a full-fledged freak out. I'll save it for later, promise." "Ah, well, thanks for that, I guess. What are you doing? Get anywhere with the Internet?" Finn laughed. "Man, I haven't even made it online yet. But I did take over part of the living room. You don't seem to use it much, not like your office, and I'm going to step out on a limb and assume you're not having any house parties in the next week."

Merge - 28

"Not planning on it, no." Ari drew a box on the corner of his planner page and started coloring it in. "Why, what'd you do?" "Just unpacked, that's all. I didn't paint the walls or anything." Ari hummed an agreeable sound. "Unpacked?" "Yeah, all that luggage I brought with me. My lunch from yesterday, which honestly gave me this huge moment of panic when I over-thought the whole thing and went off on this internal tangent about what microbes I brought with me and how my lunchmeat might affect the biochemical balance over here, but then I thought about pollution and stuff and figured that if my lunchmeat was an issue it sure and hell isn't as much of an issue as I am and --" "Finn." "Yeah." "How much coffee did you have?" Ari tried not to think about how Duncan had greeted him; apparently they were both a little high-strung. "The pot. And maybe a bit more, but it's not like I had both full pots." Ari sighed. "Okay, so you unpacked your lunch? In my living room." "Well, I unpacked it, but I threw it away because, ew. Yesterday's lunch. Also, I unpacked a laundry receipt and threw that out, which is too bad, too. Those were nice pants I'll never see again. A shopping list and a tissue. So, that all went. My mobile phone is in need of charging -and I don't have a charger -- but I sincerely doubt that my calling plan extends quite this far anyway. Plus, hey. I'm not there to pay the bill." Ari pinched the bridge of his nose. "So you unpacked and threw out some stuff and have... what? A dead phone sitting on the coffee table?" "I have a dead phone and three files." Finn's voice lost its faint edge of mania and became more serious. "Two of them are white papers about filters and inter-dimension communication, really basic stuff from where I'm from and utter nonsense here. The third is the classified file from Blake. That's what I've been glancing through; he made a few notes in it. Oh, and I also took about half a ream of paper from your desk and have been making lists. So I didn't so much as unpack as spread paper around all over. But that's kind of the same thing for me." Ari blew out a breath and nodded. "What kind of lists? Things you need?" "Yeah." He could hear Finn sigh, too. "Clothes, mostly. Toiletries. And I made a list of other things, just as they occurred to me. Um, what my skill set is, what kinds of things I can do that will translate into work. For later, you know. After I somehow become a real person with

Merge - 29

identification and get into schools so I can prove I'm smart and then I can get a job to pay for the schools. And somehow support myself for the next God knows how long." "Yeah." Ari winced. "That was pretty unhelpful of me, wasn't it?" "Well, what else is there, really?" Finn's voice dropped even lower and Ari could almost picture him, slumped on the couch. "There's me and you and we will sort this out, okay? Listen, I'll come home for lunch. Brainstorming is never a bad thing, right? Eventually you're going to need those lists of what you're good at. Write down everything you can think of. And feel free to use the computer -there's some kind of software on there that makes pictures of that kind of thing. Uh, maps. Something." He sat up and nodded, feeling slightly better from giving directions. He just hoped that having directions would make Finn feel better and not merely piss him off. "Keep making lists, both kinds. I can pick up some things for you on the way home and you can fill sheets of paper with ideas." "Yeah, okay." Finn didn't sound particularly enthusiastic, but he didn't sound hopeless either. "Do you know where the remote is for the TV down here? I found the one in the bedroom but it doesn't work on the living room set." "Of course it doesn't, they're different makes and models. Make sure you put the remote back where you found it or it'll drive me nuts tonight when I can't turn off the TV without getting out of bed." Ari rolled his eyes and thought for a moment. "Um, it might be under the left hand side of the couch, over by the wall. If it's not there, try the drawer in the cabinet under the window. It looks like it should have booze in it, but it's mostly magazines." "Yeah, I already found the porn." Ari went scarlet, his face almost aching with how fast he blushed. "You did not!" And if he did, it wasn't in the living room, for God's sake. "Well, no. But now I know there is some." Finn laughed and hung up on him. "Bastard." Ari hung up and turned his chair around, laughing. "Oh, hi." Duncan was in the door, looking at him with one eyebrow neatly arched. "Your guest makes you blush. And did I hear you say you're going home for lunch?" Ari's blush stubbornly refused to fade. "I am, yes. His.... luggage got lost and he needs a toothbrush and a few other things. Don't worry, I'll be back by two for the conference call." Duncan smiled sweetly and nodded. "Of course." He didn't say anything else, but Ari had the distinct impression that Duncan had just made a bet with himself.

Merge - 30

He wondered what the odds were and how exactly Duncan was going to measure the results, but he was far too smart to ask.

Merge - 31

Chapter Five

In the two hours between the time Finn spoke to Ari on the phone and when Ari arrived home with a large paper bag and two smaller plastic bags, Finn had attempted to both tidy his mess and add to it. The adding to it part had gone really well. "Good Lord." Ari stood in the arched entry to the living room and looked around. "You said you'd taken over part of the living room." Finn looked around from where he was sitting, cross-legged on the floor, and tried not to wince too much. "Well, it's not all of it." He looked down at where he was writing on yet another blank sheet of paper. His wrist was starting to ache. "There's bare spots over there by the fancy chairs." "Those fancy chairs are Louis XIV reproductions. I got them for a song about seven years ago." Ari looked at the chairs and shrugged. "I don't particularly like them, but I was trying to pick up the guy who owned the store." Finn snorted and looked up at him, grinning. He ignored the slight twinge at Ari spending money on chairs to pick some guy up, and reminded himself of the time he'd spent a month getting takeout from the Turkish deli so he could flirt with the guy behind the counter. "Reproductions wouldn't impress him. Now, real Louis XIV would have gotten you laid." "You know, that's what he said." Ari came into the room and picked his way around a few stacks of paper. "You found the remote, I see." "Yeah." Finn nodded and glanced back up at the TV, where CNN had been playing at low volume. "There's not much coverage, but I've been trying to catch what there is." "They might replay some stuff. Also, there'll be better information in the Internet, if we can find it. I'm thinking this is one of those cases where the non-mainstream media is our best bet." Ari sat on the floor, too, and leaned back against the couch as he tore open the paper bag. "Do you want pasta or pasta? The choices are chicken with a cream sauce, or a tomato and meat." "I'll take the chicken, thanks." Finn put down his latest list and reached for the dish Ari held out to him. "How's work going?" "Well, I'm not making as much mess as you are, but I suspect you're getting a lot more done." Ari was looking at him thoughtfully, and Finn could feel Ari's emotions kick up a notch or two,

Merge - 32

the pale green getting brighter. Of course, he had no idea what the hell the emotions were, but he knew they were getting more... more. "I cleared the weekend and most of next week. I'll still have to go to the office, but I should be able to get home at a reasonable time, and we can spend this weekend taking care of some practical things." Finn nodded and ate chicken pasta with a plastic fork. "All right." He looked around at the papers, loosely grouped by themes. "I've got lists of basics. We can track how much it costs to get a few things and..." He sighed and shrugged. "We'll track it. I'll pay you back, somehow, sometime." Ari looked like he was going to wave it off, had actually raised the hand that didn't have a fork in it to do exactly the kind of hand motion Finn would when he was being generous and trying to deflect attention away from the fact. But Finn had spent the morning thinking and coming to terms with what exactly his situation was and just how it would affect Ari's life. He felt that he owed it to Ari to make that clear. It was the least he could do, really. Maybe it was some kind of strange etiquette. When walking into someone's life and moving into his home and inflicting a financial strain, it was good manners to acknowledge that strain. Or maybe not. Finn didn't know, he just knew what was right for him and right then, after four hours of making lists and walking around a home that he knew far too well, he was at a place where he had things to say. "Look." Finn reached over and grabbed a sheet of paper before Ari could say anything. "This is a list of things normal people need for a week. Not including food and shelter. Just... toothpaste and underwear and socks and deodorant and clothes. I know that what I did, walking into your life and literally putting myself under your care, was a selfish thing to do. I'm admitting that I didn't think it through, that I didn't consider the reality of it. I was scared and I was running and I couldn't accept the thought that I might never see you again." Finn took a breath and looked at the sheet in his hands. "I made a choice that affects you without consulting you. And I'm sorry." "Right, because there was time to talk." Ari sounded angry, or maybe frustrated, which wasn't exactly what Finn was going for. "No, there wasn't," Finn agreed quickly. "I know that. And I'm not going to deny that there were other circumstances --" "Like that whole jail and death and ruined-life thing?" Finn winced. Ari didn't sound less angry and Finn wasn't about to look up from the sheet to see just how mad he was. He felt all dark, gray and green with splashes of orange, and really the whole emotional color scheme thing was really hard to get used to. "Yeah, like that," he agreed. "Circumstances. But my point is, I'm well aware that I'm messing up your life and that I'm about to ask you for a couple of really, really huge favors."

Merge - 33

"Mm." When Ari didn't say anything else, Finn had no choice but to look up, the sudden waves and rolls of emotions compelling him as much as the silence. Ari was sitting across from him, his legs crossed at the ankle and his fork jammed into what looked like ravioli. "Are you done now? Is that the end of channeling the fear into guilt? Because I'm totally okay with fear -- this is scary. I'm totally okay with feeling sorry for yourself -- you just left your family, friends, home and career. I'm even totally okay with you being mad about what's going on. But guilt is not on the list, and if you so much as make one more sound about what a hard place you're putting me in, I'll... make you sleep in the guest room. Got it? And I'll make you clean the bathrooms. And any other crap job I can think of, short of making you leave because that is not going to happen. Are we clear?" Finn nodded woodenly, his mouth hanging open. "Yes, Ari," he managed after a moment. Deciding that plowing ahead was the wisest way to handle the situation, Finn bit the bullet and added, "Um. I need you to lend me a lot of money and let me live with you." "Okay." Ari nodded once, the emotional flood receding almost immediately and being replaced with a calmness that for some reason reminded Finn of his fish tank. "If it helps," Ari said, lifting up some pasta and looking at it carefully, "I've decided that your current situation is no different than if I had a friend who suddenly lost his home to an earthquake or something. I'm taking you in and helping you get back on your feet. It's what a friend does." Still reeling slightly and a little dizzy from the way he was getting information on Ari's emotional state, Finn nodded again. "That's a good friend. You've only known me --" "Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Let it go, Finn." The dismissive words were countered by the teasing tone and the gentle humor in Ari's voice. "You're here now, I've had your cock in my hand, and you're staying. By the way, Duncan thinks we're fucking, I think." The calmness of the fish tank was replaced with something... not so calm. "Oh?" Finn said faintly. He put his food aside and closed his eyes, trying to sort out his head from what had to be Ari's. Or maybe not, given that he pretty much had the same reaction. But he hadn't been having it right then and that made it confusing. "Yeah, he seemed to think I've got a college buddy staying with me and I came home for a nooner." Ari's voice was amused, but Finn could feel something else entirely. The trouble was, he couldn't pick out exactly what it was, other than not anger or upset. It might have been amusement, but it felt... red. Red wasn't funny, was it? "He'd be surprised to see you, then." Finn opened his eyes and reached for his pasta again, forcing himself to be calm and focused. "Sitting on the floor with paper all over the place. What's in the bags?" He lifted his chin in the direction of the two plastic bags next to Ari, who tossed one over between bites.

Merge - 34

"Emergency stuff. I can bring you clothes on the way home from work. Are jeans and T-shirts and stuff okay for now? We can shop tomorrow, but I thought it might be nice if you had stuff that really fit you before you left the house." "That'd be good, yeah." Finn nodded and looked in the plastic bag. Toothbrush, toothpaste, razors, shaving cream, deodorant, and a selection of hair stuff. "Thank you." "No problem." Ari got up and took the second plastic bag with him. "Want something to drink?" "Water, thanks." Finn watched Ari go and finished eating his pasta, his eyes drawn to the TV. They seemed to be doing their on-the-hour headline spiel again, so he bumped up the volume and watched them recap the latest in what they were calling the Vanishing Cult story. There wasn't anything new that Finn could tell. People were back, mostly from the places they'd vanished, and everyone had been taken to an undisclosed location. He watched the video clips, four of them, showing police escorting very confused looking people from vans into police stations or from police stations into vans. The commentary was the same: the returned people were not under arrest but were to be questioned by an unnamed authority. In the videos, there was nothing to see that indicated a specific agency, as the people were from three difference countries. The American police were easy to pick out, as were the British constables and the Canadian Mounties, but that was it. If there were men in black around, they weren't on TV and they weren't wearing black. "Anything new?" Ari asked, coming back and sitting down next to Finn. "Nope." Finn tuned the volume back down and turned his head to look at Ari's profile. "I can feel you. Like, I can feel your emotions. I want you to know that I'm trying not to, because it's making my head spin. If I were a better man I'd say it was because it's an invasion of your privacy, but pretty much right now it's just hard on my head." Ari nodded. "Fair enough. I'm confused. I want you to know that. I really don't know you, and my lover of two years left me a week ago, and here I am. You're moved in, I'm talking about you sleeping in the guest room as a form of punishment, and I have to wonder what exactly I'm doing. I don't know. I always know, Finn. But now I don't." "Sucks, huh?" Finn sighed and looked around. "I have a list of clothing sizes around here somewhere." He picked up a couple of sheets and found it, tucked behind his list of books that he wanted to find out about. He wasn't sure if he actually wanted to know what literature he'd lost or not, but someday he might get lucky and find something he loved. "Okay. I'll be home around seven-thirty or eight. I'd planned to stay a little longer, talk to you a bit, but I think I should go back to the office now." Finn raised an eyebrow and handed Ari the list of sizes. "Why?"

Merge - 35

"Because I bought other stuff at the drug store, and I refuse to let Duncan win bets with himself without even putting up a fight." Ari shrugged a shoulder, kissed Finn quickly and rolled to his feet. "If you need me, call my direct line. Apparently it's listed under 'God.'" Then he rolled his eyes and left Finn sitting on the living room floor, feeling a little red.

Merge - 36

Chapter Six

Duncan spent the afternoon looking very thoughtful, and Ari spent the afternoon ignoring Duncan. It worked out okay, really, although by the time Ari left for the day he was beginning to worry about Duncan's ability to parse information. "Look," Ari said as he put on his suit jacket. "He's an old friend. He's going through a very rough time. He's going to be living with me for a while, and no, he's not an old boyfriend. Yes, I trust him. No, he's not taking advantage of me. Yes, you will probably meet him at some point. No, I don't want it to be common knowledge that he's at my place, and yes, I will be adjusting my schedule for a little while to help him out. Not long, just a week or so. Not even taking time off." Duncan nodded and made a show of turning off his computer. "Any questions?" Ari stood in front of Duncan's desk and made sure he had Finn's list in his breast pocket. "We're friends, right?" Duncan asked. "I mean, you're my boss, and we don't exactly hang out, but we have a certain level of intimacy and you know that I've got your back. Right?" Ari hadn't exactly expected the conversation to go in this direction. "Yes," he said carefully. "We trust each other and I would hope that you would feel comfortable telling me if you have concerns. Unless you're going to tell me to move to Seattle." "Nope." Duncan closed his planner and stood up, the office keys in his hands. "I'm just going to point out that Ben... Well, he was a long term relationship. And you hardly ever saw him. Having someone in your space is a little different. That's all." Ari hadn't really thought about that. "Huh. You're right." He followed Duncan to the door and waited while Duncan locked both office doors. "That's a good point." "I hope things go smoothly for you," Duncan added. "I worry when I see my people rebounding." "You think I'm rebounding?" Ari lifted an eyebrow at him as they waited for the elevator. "Maybe. If so, you're doing it pretty spectacularly. But, then again, your lunch was really, really short, so maybe not." Duncan's eyes twinkled at him and Ari breathed easier. Life was normal when Duncan was teasing.

Merge - 37

"You know, I think you'll like Finn," he said. "If nothing else, the two of you can snark at me in unison." "I look forward to it." Duncan smiled demurely, an expression that always made Ari feel a little scared. *** Ari walked into the house through the garage entrance, his arms full of bags. He hadn't really bought a lot, but everything took up so much volume. Socks, underwear, two pair of jeans, four T-shirts, two short-sleeved shirts, a pair of sneakers and a pair of casual shoes, a hoodie... it took up space. Of course, he probably could have bought one package of underwear, one pair of jeans, a T-shirt, four dollar flip flops, and skipped the socks completely, given they were going shopping the next day and Finn might actually want to pick out his own clothes. "Shit." Ari turned around and hoped he could get everything back into the trunk of his car before Finn knew he was home, but he'd have to hurry. The trunk open, he grabbed one pair of jeans, the red T-shirt he thought would look amazing on Finn, and the hoodie. The shoes he'd have to go with, so he took the sneakers and the bag with the socks and underwear and left the rest. As an afterthought, he pulled the emergency blanket over the bags and hoped they'd just vanish and he would never have to deal with them and Finn would never know how much of a dork he'd been. He ran back to the door and attempted to look nonchalant as he strolled into the kitchen, but Finn was there, staring at him. "What?" It came out a lot more defensively than Ari had intended. "You're upset, what happened?" Ari blinked. "You know, this whole feeling what I feel is going to get real old, real fast." "Tell me about it." Finn sighed and turned back to the stove. "But seriously, are you okay?" "I'm fine." Ari put the bags down on the floor and walked over to Finn, drawn by the smell of something really good. "What are you doing?" "It's called cooking." Finn grinned at him and stirred the pot on the stove. "I know you don't do it much, and, frankly, there wasn't a lot to use. We need to get groceries." Ari slipped an arm around Finn's waist and rested his chin on Finn's shoulder. "Okay. But what is it?" "Rice, tomatoes, a lot of garlic, some onions, ground beef, sausage, white wine, a bunch of other stuff. It's good, I promise."

Merge - 38

"Wow. Thank you. It smells great." It did too, and the whole kitchen felt warm from the steam coming off the dish. There were spices in there that reminded Ari of dinners he'd had a long time ago, before take-out and restaurants had become his dietary mainstay. Ben had never cooked for him. Not even breakfast. He'd ordered out a lot, and he'd had two anniversary meals catered at great expense, but he'd never cooked. Finn's hand slid over his own, keeping Ari's arm around Finn's waist. "I cleaned up the living room, sort of." "Sort of?" Ari laughed softy and stepped back. "What does that mean?" he asked as he went to pick up the bags. "I put all the papers into nice little piles and then I raided your office again." Finn said it like it was a confession, his cheeks flushing a little. "File folders this time. I owe you, okay?" "I thought we covered that?" "We did, it's a figure of speech." "Oh." Ari held up the bags. "I got you clothes." Finn put the wooden spoon he'd been using down on the counter and came over. "Thanks," he said, smiling a little shyly. "I really do appreciate it. Not that wearing your clothes isn't cool, but sometimes a man needs to know that his underwear is his own, you know?" There was dead silence in the kitchen for a long moment and then they both snickered. "I think I'll write that down," Ari said with a grin. "Seriously, that was deep and profound." "Screw off, what do you expect from me?" Finn laughed and grabbed for the bags. "I've had a rough twenty-six hours or so." "Oh, please." Ari kept the bags, tugging them behind himself as he backed up, laughing right back at Finn. "Are you going to use that excuse forever? 'Oh, don't mind me, I'm from another dimension and it's just so different here! I can say lame things and no one will laugh at me!' You're just as liable to be laughed at as the rest of us, buddy." "Oh, such a welcoming place!" Finn advanced on him, grinning. "So understanding and kind. Sure, they let me use their paper and they buy me clothes, but when I start saying what I think, whoosh -- bitchy and snotty, just like home." "Anything to make you feel comfortable, Finn." Ari's back hit the wall, and he started sliding to the left, wondering if he'd have a chance to make a run for it before Finn cornered him.

Merge - 39

"Stay." Finn's arms suddenly came up, each hand hitting the wall on either side of Ari, bracketing him in. "Smart ass." "You know, you're not the first to say so." Sadly, that was true. There weren't really a lot of people in Ari's life who hadn't muttered it under their breath within his hearing. Duncan, so far, was really the only one he could think of, disregarding superiors at the office who wouldn't dare open up to that kind of interoffice gossip; it would give him far too much leverage. "I'm stunned, really. I can't image people calling you on your bullshit." Finn looked delighted as he leaned in. "You know, I never thought that you and I would talk to each other like this. I thought there would be a lot more discussion about what's the same and what's different between our dimensions. That you'd get all hung up and finding answers. I didn't... Never thought I'd have you trapped in your kitchen before we'd played Twenty Questions." "We'll get to it." Ari dropped the bags and reached out, pulling Finn to him. "Later. And I'm not trapped." "Whatever." Finn's mouth covered his, and Ari suddenly couldn't care less if he was trapped or not. Finn kissed like it was serious business, and standing there, pushing Ari into the wall, he was proving that the kisses of the night before were far from a fluke. Ari buried a hand in Finn's hair and opened his mouth, letting Finn take over the kiss since he so obviously knew what he was doing. A bit of tug with his other hand had Finn's body lined up against his, and Ari was grateful for the wall. Finn's hands didn't move, not even a bit as he kissed Ari. Finn didn't clutch or grab at him and Ari would have wondered about Finn's intensity if the kiss itself wasn't making his knees weak. Slow, deep licks and tiny little nips were alternated with short and quick tastes and searing brushes of Finn's lips over his own. Lower down, Finn's hips were making slow circles, and there was simply no way to hide the fact that Finn was very intense about what he wanted. Panting, holding onto Finn's arm, Ari rocked back against him and nodded. "Not trapped," he whispered. "God, turn off the stove. Shame to ruin supper." Finn pushed closer, finally taking his hands from the wall. They wound up curled over Ari's ass, pulling him tight as Finn ground against him. "You know what?" he whispered. "I want this. I want this so bad it aches. And I've wanted it for a long time. So we're going to take a breath now and eat and we're going to treat each other with respect. Okay?" He was panting, too, whispering into Ari's ear. His dick flexed next to Ari's, felt through all the layers of their pants. "But --" Ari groaned and nodded, but he didn't stop his hips, didn't even try to. He wanted to rub and he wanted to come and he wanted to hear the sounds Finn made. He wanted sex, for the love of God. "I want you," Finn whispered as he backed away.

Merge - 40

And right there was the difference. It was a big one. "Okay," Ari said, nodding. "Okay." He stayed where he was, leaning on the wall and panting. He felt completely debauched, utterly wrung out. His shirt was wrinkled, his pants were creased and his cock was hard, making a damp mark he could feel on the inside of his boxers. "We'll eat. We'll talk. God." He reached down and adjusted himself, then pushed his hand through his hair. "You can... you can really kiss." Finn blinked at him, licking swollen lips. "What?" Snorting, Ari picked up the bags. "Like you don't know. God, you can kiss. Damn." "Uh, thanks." Finn flushed and Ari found himself grinning. He didn't know. Cool. "I got you jeans." He pulled them out of the bag. "Nothing special, but they'll fit. A T-shirt, I liked the color. Should look really good on you, and it doesn't have a logo. Might be a fashion adventure for you. A hoodie in case it rains tomorrow. And sneakers." He gathered the bags and clothes up and headed to the stairs. "I'll just put them in the bedroom. Do I have time to shower before supper?" Finn was looking at the pot, stirring again. "Depends. If you're going to jack off, you might want to wait until after. It's pretty much done." Ari tripped on the bottom stair. "I'll be right back, then." He fled to the bedroom and put Finn's new clothes on the bed. He'd have to find some space in the closet. Well, Ben was gone. There was space. "Duncan is going to kill me," he muttered, pulling the empty drawers open. "He really is." He changed quickly into casual clothes and sat on the bed for a moment, trying to get his head on straight before he went back down. He wanted Finn, rather a lot. He'd been in that place before, wanting a guy and flirting and then having really amazing sex -- it was a good place. He knew that Finn cared about him, too, and there wasn't a lot of point in denying that he liked Finn. Really, aside from the fact that it was so soon after Ben, there wasn't anything to keep him from pursuing Finn. It would be a very short chase and they'd both be happy. Finn had asked for respect, however, and had offered it to him. Ari would be damned if he acted in any way but honorably, especially to a person who was so far out of his element, so far from home. He wanted to help. He wanted to see Finn happy and safe. He wanted to do whatever he could to help Finn settle into his new life. Determined and feeling a little more in control, Ari headed back down to eat supper, looking forward to hearing more about what Finn had discovered and to what they'd plan together.

Merge - 41

Chapter Seven

Finn stared at the supper he was stirring with too much force and made himself breathe. He was going to be smart about this. He was going to be cool and smart and he was not going to let himself just fall into something he wanted when there was such a high risk of it all coming apart because he'd pushed or gone too fast or something. There were right ways to court and there were wrong ways, and just because he'd only ever done it wrong before didn't mean he couldn't get it right this time. Plus, this time it actually mattered a lot more, and not only to his heart. He literally had placed his life in Ari's hands, and while he knew full well that Ari wasn't going to pitch him out onto the street, it might be a good idea to make Ari comfortable with the idea that he was around before he set about claiming Ari's heart in return. Well, before he let Ari knew he was claiming his heart in return, Finn amended. He'd already started working on winning him. Ari came back down to the kitchen, looking calmer, just as Finn put supper on white plates. "Do you want to watch TV while we eat?" "If the other choice is the dining room, yes." Finn had made a point of going in there during his morning rounds and found it to be even more ghastly than he'd thought. "Seriously, what the hell were you thinking?" "I didn't do it." Ari rolled his eyes and got forks for them, then led the way into the living room. "Hideous, isn't it? One of these days I'll paint. I want to renovate upstairs first and put in a proper en-suite for the master bedroom. When I get the plumbing all switched around I'll be tearing into that ceiling, I think, so, after that, I'll get the dining room redone." Finn followed him to the couch and nodded. "That makes sense." He reached for the remote and turned on CNN again. "Though you should do it sooner rather than later. That room is like one big drug trip gone bad." "Oh, come on!" Ari snorted at him and started eating. "Like you'd know. You don't really strike me as a bad drug trip kind of guy." "True," Finn had to admit. "Wow, that's a lot of garlic. Sorry. But I was in the hospital once when I was thirteen and they gave me too much of something -- or maybe it was the wrong thing.

Merge - 42

I forget. But I thought I could swim through air. That was weird, trust me. And apparently worrying." Ari looked impressed and kept eating, apparently not bothered by the garlic. "Okay, I'll give you that. But my dining room isn't anything like that. It's just really, really eclectic." "In a bad way." "Yes, all right. In a bad way." Ari rolled his eyes and swallowed his food, then pointed his fork at Finn. "Hey, you fix it, then. You're the one who's going to be home for the next little while. Knock yourself out, paint and paper away." Finn grinned. He loved a challenge he wasn't expected to accept. "Deal." "Crap. That was a tactical error, wasn't it?" "Could be. I mean, we met a week ago, now I'm living here and about to start redecorating." Finn laughed and watched TV as he ate, wondering just how hard it would be to strip the God-awful wall paper. Ari didn't seem impressed. "Shut up and eat." Finn shut up and ate, still smiling. They sat on the couch, both of them with their feet on the coffee table and plates in their laps, and watched CNN as they ate. Finn's files were stacked up on the table, the floor and on the chair, depending on which general category of reference he'd put them in, and he made a mental note to find his shopping lists and put down colored sticky notes so he could flag certain things. "You're thinking again," Ari said quietly. "What about?" "Uh, filing, actually." Finn would have given just about anything to be able to come up with a cooler answer than the truth. Ari didn't say anything for a moment then he nudged Finn's foot with his own. "That's really kind of cute." Finn could feel himself blushing. "Stop that," he said, trying not to be even more of a dork. "No, no, I mean it." Ari nudged him again. "I like a man who's organized." Snorting, Finn pointed to the files. "It's real easy to be organized when that's all you've got." The words came out a lot more dismal than he'd planned. "Um, yeah, so I was thinking about sticky notes and color-coding things. Like, I've already got some basic research on dimensions in the form of two white papers, but I can take a couple of weeks and type up everything I can remember about filters, communication, the physics of it all... I mean, it'll be like trying to

Merge - 43

recreate the entire history of the world and probably be a little pointless, but eventually I'll be old and I'll forget." God, that was even more dismal. Finn stood up. "I'll be right back. Are you done?" He took Ari's empty plate without waiting for an answer and went back to the kitchen. Two plates and a pot weren't really enough dirty dishes to justify running the dishwasher, so he started the water in the sink and looked around for the dish soap, blinking rapidly and hoping Ari would be kind enough to give him a few minutes alone to pull himself together. It didn't take long to wash the few dishes, even though he dried them, too. When Finn put the last of them away, he was unsurprised to find Ari leaning on the wall by the doorway, watching him. "You know," Finn said thoughtfully. "I once stood right there and watched you do dishes. A couple of weeks ago, in fact. Things seem to have... changed. A lot. It's a little overwhelming." "I'm sure it is." Ari took a few steps toward him and then veered slightly, going to the fridge instead. "I can't imagine the strange disconnect you must be experiencing. It's the same here, but completely different. Things work the same, but you're cut off from your life and what you know." He opened the freezer and got out a bottle. "Vodka?" "Sure." Finn watched as Ari went to the counter and made them each a drink. "It sort of comes and goes in waves," Finn told him. "I forget. And then I remember. It probably doesn't help that I keep getting weird little feedback loops from you, either. I have to spend some time very soon working on my filters. Blake said they would help. He said a lot of things, really, but I'm starting to think he has a secret career in being cryptic." Ari nodded and passed him a glass. "Cheers." "Cheers." Finn drank the shot, the vodka mixed with something that tasted of cloves and oranges. "I don't want to get drunk." "I agree, bad idea." Ari made them each one more drink and put the bottle back in the freezer. "What do you want to talk about? Blake? Home? The people here that went away and came back?" "There does seem to be a lot of choices." They went back to the living room, and Finn turned the television off. "I honestly don't know. My mind is racing and going over the same things over and over, trying to see the whole picture at once. It's not working. I'm not used to this. I'm a scientist in a very quiet field. My data come in tiny small amounts and then I think about it. I research, pull in already known things, and add them up." Ari nodded and sipped his drink, one hand gesturing to the couch in invitation.

Merge - 44

Finn sat at one corner of the couch and drew his feet up underneath himself. "The kind of work I'm used to, the kind of thinking I do, is very theoretical and removed from day-to-day life." He had no idea if Ari was interested in listening to him talk about work, but it seemed to be what wanted to come out. "Even though my area of expertise is something my people do every day -filter out the noise of Beta -- what I do does not affect individuals on a tangible level. So to find myself here, sifting through thoughts that won't stay still long enough for me to parse them... I think I might develop an anxiety attack if I'm not careful." "Okay, let's slow it down." Ari was attentive, not looking away from him. He was also quiet and soothing, which was nice; he felt calm, too. Blue. "Emotions have color here, not sound," Finn said, as soon as it occurred to him. "It's kind of neat, though a bit distracting. I wonder if Blake senses in color or sound." He reached for a piece of paper and a pen. Ari blinked at him, looking momentarily thrown by the random comment, but his expression settled almost immediately. "Can you feel anything other than me?" he asked curiously. Finn shook his head. "I should be taking better notes. God, my hand is going to ache." "Use the computer." Still scrawling, Finn nodded. "I will. But it's up there and we're down here. I'll start transcribing on Monday. It'll give me something to do while you're at work. Anyway, no. But that doesn't mean anything; I haven't been around anyone but you. We'll find out tomorrow, I expect." "Are you sure you want to try the mall on your first trip out the door?" Ari bit at his lower lip. "Seriously, Finn. That sounds like a sure bet for a headache at the very least and at its worst it could be a huge, huge issue." Finn looked at his drink and thought about it. "Blake said filters will work. And he managed to exist pretty well -- I mean, he wasn't a shut-in or anything. He even had control over it." "But he didn't try to master it in a day," Ari pointed out. "How about we skip the mall and try smaller shops downtown first. If that goes okay, then we'll ramp up to a bigger place." It was hard to argue with something that made sense, so Finn nodded. "Okay. And I'll need to go to an office supply place, I think. We're almost out of printer paper and I'd like a couple of small notebooks." "Sure." Ari finished his drink and leaned back. "Have you tried to see Between?" The question was casual, but Finn gripped the pen so hard he made a long, dark slash across the page. "No." He looked at the paper and the way his hand was holding the pen, knuckles white. "I wanted to," he whispered. "After you left at lunch. But I can't. I won't. I don't want to see what's

Merge - 45

going on there. And worse, I don't want to try and maybe not be able to see anything at all. I'm not sure if I can really deal with not being able to even see Alpha. I think... maybe some day I'll try. But not yet." Ari's hand curled around his own and took the pen away. "That makes sense to me," he said softly. "I wasn't sure if I should ask or not. I'm sorry if I hurt you." Finn shook his head and let Ari's fingers tangle with his own. He looked at their hands for a long moment, thinking about that. "I'm glad you asked," he said finally. He looked at Ari's face and nodded. "You are the only person I'm able to talk to about this stuff. Even months from now when I'm out there doing things, working or studying, you'll be the only one who knows and understands. I'm glad that you thought to ask." Ari's fingers squeezed his. "You can always talk to me about it, Finn. I promise. Homesick, missing your people... I'll listen. And I'd like to hear about it. You know, that Twenty Questions thing. I want to hear about the things that are different. When you're ready." "Thank you." Finn squeezed back and they sat there for a long moment, while Finn thought and Ari was quiet beside him. "That'd be good." "Is there anything you'd like to talk about now?" Ari's voice was tentative. "You said that you were having trouble seeing the big picture. Maybe... maybe you don't have to. Maybe it'll help to just take a segment and deal with that. After all, I don't know if there's any immediate urgency. Aside from shopping and stuff, and that's less urgent now that you know your underwear is your own." "Bastard!" Finn laughed and Ari, hooting, leaped away, dodging a throw pillow. "God, I was just getting lulled by this nice guy thing you've got going on, too." "I'm sneaky like that," Ari said from across the room, grinning at him. "Come on, you can do better than a pillow. What's it going to be? Talking about people that vanish or a little touch football in the living room?" "You're just trying to get in my pants again," Finn teased, making sure the files were out of the way. Ari felt red again. "Oddly, I am." Ari nodded and shoved the coffee table to the side. "And I have no idea why." "Oh, thank you very much." Ari blinked at him and his mouth fell open. "God, that's not what I meant!" Finn bit his tongue to keep from laughing and tried to look highly insulted. "I meant... Christ. I meant that I look at you and I get hot all over." Ari spoke intently, half smiling but apparently trying to say what he really felt. "I talk to you and I want to taste your

Merge - 46

mouth. I sit next to you and I want to touch you, hold your hand, feel the curve of your hip bone and see if your thighs are as strong as your forearms. I can smell you, and if I spend any more than about twenty minutes in the same room with you, my skin itches because I can't get close enough to you." It was Finn's turn to be surprised. He'd known that Ari was attracted to him -- that was pretty obvious, after all -- but this was a bit more intense than he'd thought. "I see," he said, licking his lower lip and watching Ari carefully. He wasn't all the way across the room any more, but he was still standing, still looking at Finn with fire in his eyes and a very hard cock in his pants. "Um. Is this a good idea?" "No. But I'm not sure if that matters." "I love you, you know." Finn hadn't intended to say it so baldly, at least not for weeks and weeks, but there wasn't any denying that it was true. "And I know you don't love me. Yet." "Right. I don't." Ari nodded and stayed where he was, like he'd hit a traffic signal. "But I definitely want to have a lot of really athletic sex with you. And then I want to listen to you talk to me for days and days. Which is a bit more scary, to tell the truth." The red was still there, and Ari was coming closer again, his eyes bright. "I think it might be a good idea to say right now what we're going to do tonight. If it's said, it's a plan and I can stick to a plan." Finn nodded. "Okay." "Tell me." "I don't know!" Finn leaned back, watching Ari advance in slow, measured steps. He wanted. A lot. But he had a horrible feeling that what Ari wanted wasn't really what Ari wanted, and that in the morning things would be just uncomfortable. "We need to talk tonight," he blurted. "Respect. We need to have respect." "Thank God." Ari pivoted. "I have no idea what's going on with me," he said as he headed for the stairs. "But we really need to figure it out before we do something stupid." "Where are you going?" Finn jumped up and followed Ari, his hand still holding the crumpled sheet of paper with the words "color of emotion" scrawled across the top. "Ari?" "I'll be right back, I promise!" He vanished around the corner and then the bathroom door slammed. "Oh." Finn stood at the bottom on the stairs and blinked. "Oh." Well. Okay, then. "I'll just... be here. Feeling smug and shit and hating this whole 'respect' idea." He smiled as he went back to the couch, laying odds that they'd get to where they needed to be in short order. Like everything else in his life, it was just going to take some thought and some talking.

Merge - 47

Chapter Eight

It took Ari a surprisingly short time to get off. Just a quick, tight jerk of his wrist, his right hand curled around his cock and his eyes closed tightly against the harsh bathroom lights. He held himself up with his other hand on the wall above the toilet, his palm smacking against the drywall as he stumbled to the toilet, his pants pooling around his ankles even before he'd closed the door. He didn't even have time to think up a good image to stroke off to, but then again, there didn't seem to be a need. He barely kept himself from yelling when he came, spunk hitting the water with hollow splashes and his whole body tight and quivering. He was still panting as he washed up at the sink, hands shaking and his face flushed pink when he looked into the mirror. It would have been nice if his prick would get the message that they were done, but no. He was still hard, with the added joy of tingles and skin that was stretched too tightly over his arms and shoulders, thighs and cock. Ari splashed water on his face, flushed the toilet and went back downstairs. He couldn't hide forever, and it wasn't like Finn didn't know exactly what he was doing; it wasn't like Finn didn't want him to come back. It was pretty clear to Ari that they were just going to try not to damage each other too badly as they picked their way through their new life. "Okay." Ari went into the living room and eyed Finn, who was back in his corner of the couch. "I don't feel any better. And I still want to kiss you and touch you and generally roll around on you like you're catnip. Have you got any ideas about why it's such a strong feeling? I mean, when you were a ghost I thought you were pretty cute and I'll even admit to teasing you with the shower thing. But now that you're here... it's intense." "I'm not sure." Finn nodded, watching him thoughtfully. "I wrote it down, though. Maybe I'll find something out... uh, somewhere. I see a long day of Internet use ahead of me. If it makes you feel any better, I don't feel any different about you than I did three days ago, except now I know what it's like to kiss you." Ari sighed and sat on the couch, leaving a lot of space between them. "I'm not sure how I feel about that, actually. Maybe I'm kind of overwhelmed that you feel that much; it's different, seeing it. I mean, I knew that you had -- have -- feelings for me. But this is like theoretical becoming practical."

Merge - 48

"Kind of a theme with me, apparently," Finn said with a snort. Then he sighed and reached for the remote. "Want to watch TV?" "Actually --" Ari waited until Finn met his gaze. "I'd like to read those white papers, if I could." Finn's face lit up. "Really?" "Of course." Ari nodded and put his hand on Finn's ankle. "I want to know it all, right? And that seems like a pretty good place to start." Still smiling, Finn sorted through his files and handed Ari a folder that was far more battered than the others. "These are dry as dust, but you're welcome to read them. And if you have any questions, I'm right here." "I'll have questions." How could he not, really? "I don't suppose you dashed off a glossary when you were lazing around today?" "It's on a to-do list somewhere." Finn snickered at him and leaned over to flick the edge of the file, peering at it. "I don't think it matters which one you read first." "Okay." Ari picked up the pillow Finn had thrown at him and made himself comfortable. "What are you going to do while I'm studying?" Finn almost bounced. "I'm going to watch TV," he said happily. "And I'm going to turn the channel whenever I want instead of having to wait for someone to do it and hoping they go to something good." He looked so delighted that Ari felt oddly pleased for him. "Go for it," he said, opening up the folder and looking at the papers. "God, these are long." He'd thought they'd be something like thirty or forty pages each, but they were thick, and double sided. "Mostly indexes. The meat is at the front, and you don't have to do more than skim. Hell, you don't even have to do that. Now, shh. CSI is on." "CSI is always on," Ari said absently, starting to read. *** When Ari finished reading the second file, his eyes were gritty. "I don't think I got all of it," he said slowly, flipping back to the start of it and scanning the contents. "The whole section on retuning the aural receptors was way beyond me once it went past the discussion of visual and auditory signals, but I think I've got the basics." On the television Jerry Orbach was standing on a New York City street, looking down at a dead body and saying something about an ex-wife. As Jerry was the only one talking, Ari looked up.

Merge - 49

Law and Order was just about to go into the second act, and Finn was sound asleep, slumped down on the couch, one of his hands stretched out to rest near Ari's leg. "I suppose we can talk about it in the morning," Ari said, looking at Finn and smiling. He had no idea when Finn had dropped off; they'd talked through the first episode of CSI as Ari had read and asked for a lot of terms and words to be explained, and by the time Ari had made his way to the back half of the first paper, Finn was making shushing noises at him again and happily channel surfing. But that had to have been a while ago, because the clock on the DVD player was saying it had somehow become Saturday. Finn could have been asleep for hours and Ari wouldn't have known. He hoped that Duncan never found out that white papers could be engrossing to Ari. Then again, the content wasn't really the sort of thing that Duncan flagged for him to read. Ari reached for the remote and turned off the television, then nudged Finn. "Hey, you. Time for bed, sleepyhead." Finn groaned and shifted, his hand patting Ari's leg as he stirred. "You go, honey. I'll be there in a bit." "Oh, no, sweetie. You're coming to bed with me." Ari grinned and waited, not sure if Finn would forgive him if he laughed outright. The pause was long enough that Ari wondered if Finn had fallen back to sleep and he began to sit forward to poke Finn again. "What did you just call me?" Finn didn't open his eyes, but his whole body had gone a little tense. "You called me 'honey.' So I called you 'sweetie.' Would you prefer 'precious' or something like that?" Oh, dear, he really was going to laugh and ruin the whole thing. "I think," Finn said slowly, "that as long as you're not calling me 'bitch' or worse, we'll be okay. Honey." Finn's eyes opened and he blinked slowly. "Bed. Need the bed now. And I don't think 'honey' is right, actually. Lemme think about it." "You're just full of surprises." Ari rolled his eyes and got up off the couch, offering his hand to Finn. "That was supposed to be funny, and you went and made it a discussion." "Sorry. We can be funny tomorrow." Finn pulled himself up and kept Ari's hand as they went up stairs. "The light. We left it on." Ari didn't care. He also didn't want to let go of Finn to go shut it off. "It'll turn off on the timer," he lied. "Let's go to bed."

Merge - 50

"Mkay." Finn kept going, probably on autopilot, and by the time Ari had turned on the lamps in the bedroom and gotten a pair of boxers out of his dresser, Finn had crawled into the bed. "Hey." Ari whapped Finn's foot as he walked past the end of the bed. "Take off your pants at least. God. Do you always sleep fully dressed? That's two nights in a row." Finn made an inarticulate noise, rolled over and started struggling under the blankets without even opening his eyes. "Pushy bastard. Slept for crap for two weeks, and now you keep waking me up." Rolling his eyes, Ari stripped to his boxers, figured there wasn't much point in putting clean ones on just to sleep in, and got into bed. "I thought maybe you'd like to be comfortable, is all." With a graceless lurch Finn arched on the bed and fell still. A moment later his hand shoved out the far side of the bed, and Ari heard the heavy thump of pants hitting the floor. "C'n I sleep now?" "Yes." Ari tried not to sigh too dramatically as he turned off the bedside lamp. "Goodnight, Finn." "Night, precious." Ari grinned into the dark as Finn snickered. "Bastard." "Mmm. You're nice." The bed dipped as Finn scrambled over to Ari, one arm slipping possessively around him. "Shut up and go to sleep now." Ari's grin grew as he shifted onto his side and wiggled himself back against Finn's chest. "Stop talking to me. God." He closed his eyes and held Finn's hand against his own chest, not at all surprised that Finn was a comfortable fit. Finn's mouth brushed over his shoulder in what was likely the last kiss of the night, and the room fell silent. Ari was still smiling to himself when he dozed off, listening only to Finn breathe.

Merge - 51

Chapter Nine

Finn didn't even have to open his eyes to know that it was morning. Nothing in his life ever said "rise and shine" the same way that his dick did, and it was well into the rise part. Of course, it was probably being helped along by the way Ari -- all red and gold -- was grinding on his ass. "If you're not awake," Finn whispered, pushing back, "you better get that way." "Jesus, shut up, will you? I'm having a totally fantastic dream." "Me, too." Finn could go with that. Dreams were nice. His dream needed a little more involvement. He found Ari's hand, helpfully located on Finn's hip, and dragged it lower. "You're in my dream." Ari's voice was muffled, his face pressed so close to Finn's neck that Finn could feel his lips move as he spoke. "Am I in yours?" Ari's hand closed around him, over the layer of cotton. "Uh-huh." Finn didn't even bother nodding, just rocked his hips and pushed his hand over Ari's, guiding their fingers. He could feel Ari's cock nudging at his ass, hard and warm, and, under his hand, Ari was working magic over Finn's briefs. "Sure are." "If you're gonna have a fit of respect, you better do it before I wake up." Ari's breath was coming faster, his hand firmer as he jacked Finn and cupped his balls. "God, you just had to say it, didn't you?" Finn growled and reached back, getting a handful of Ari's ass. "New rule. No talking first thing in the morning." "But other stuff is okay?" "Shut your mouth, please!" Finn shifted his hand from Ari's ass to Ari's cock, unceremoniously shoving his hand into silk boxers. "Have I made my point?" Ari gurgled and returned the favor. With a gasp that turned into panting, Finn pushed into Ari's hand and tried to get enough coordination to jack Ari at the same time. It wasn't easy with his hand behind him, wedged between their bodies, and he frankly doubted he was doing a very good job, but Ari was driving against him anyway. Somewhere at the back of his mind there was a tiny little annoying voice

Merge - 52

pointing out that for someone who was supposed to be holding off on the whole sexual relationship thing, he was having a lot more assisted orgasms than usual. Finn tried to put the issue firmly out of his mind, countering the argument by choosing to file "hurried hand jobs" in a category slightly different from the one labeled "sex I have to actually deal with." It was lame and he knew it, but he also knew that given how hard Ari was in his hand, how slippery his own cock was getting as he leaked over Ari's fist, the entire matter was going to reach its conclusion in moments anyway. Finn's eyes were still closed, squeezed tightly shut as he tried to hold off for just a few more moments. He could feel Ari swelling in his hand, becoming impossibly hard, and he held his breath, waiting. "Oh, fuck." Ari didn't so much as say the words as breathe them against Finn's neck as he went completely still. A moment later, his cock throbbed in Finn's hand as he came, wet and warm against Finn's ass and lower back. Finn would have laughed, had even started to grin, but he was right there, too. Ari's hand was around his prick and the smell of sex was filling the room, Ari's cock still making a mess of the bed. The grin turned into a grimace and Finn grunted, his body curling slightly as Ari came back to himself enough to rub him just right. "Come on, Finn. Your turn. Sweetie." Finn snickered despite himself, which was the weirdest feeling. He'd never before tried to laugh and come at the same time, and neither urge was going away. He giggled his way through his orgasm and tried to stop laughing as Ari played with him. Of course, Ari was laughing, too, by the time they were done. "I get dibs on the shower," Finn said, sticky and pleased and rolling over to kiss Ari good morning. "You got my back." "I said I'd take care of you." Ari's voice was smooth and relaxed, his smile easy. "I got your back. Get it?" "God, you're such a dork." Finn kissed him again and slid out of bed. "I'll be in the shower." "Yeah, yeah. Leave me some hot water." Ari waved and rolled over, apparently ready to go back to sleep. "I've got a feeling that your shower just doesn't run out of hot water." Smiling, relaxed and guiltfree, Finn headed to the bathroom.

Merge - 53

Half an hour later, smelling like shower gel, shampoo, shaving cream, and toothpaste, Finn made his way to the kitchen and got the coffee going. It was still early, too early for the stores to be open, and Ari was sound asleep, anyway. So Finn did what he always did when it was early and Ari was asleep: he worked. Coffee made and poured into the biggest white mug he could find, Finn took the files he'd brought with him from Alpha up to Ari's office, thinking it would be a good idea to scan them into the computer. Paper copies were excellent as back up, but it made him nervous to have no electronic version saved anywhere accessible. He felt quite clearly that he had to protect the information from the inevitable destruction of the paper copy. Even if he didn't actually mean to toss papers out, there always seemed to be catastrophes involving glasses of water and piles of paper. His aunt had been known to marvel aloud that it was a good thing Finn never played with matches, the way he had so many accidents with paper. Of course, the paper accidents had diminished as he'd gotten older and made his way through a couple of degrees and into a lab, but if there was ever a time for old habits to come back... Finn booted up the computer and poked around the settings for a few minutes, then started scanning pages. Ari had a really nice combination printer/scanner, and Finn took extra advantage of it to photocopy his papers as he went. Paranoia wasn't necessarily a bad thing. When he had everything saved into the one lonely folder on "his" desktop, Finn sat back in the leather desk chair and went over the notes Blake had added to the classified file. He'd read the handwritten scrawls the day before, had even wondered how Blake had gathered the information he'd filled in so quickly, but none of it had really registered. He figured he could be forgiven if he hadn't really taken in a lot of information during his first twenty-four hours in a brave new world. He was just happy his headache was gone. As he flipped through the pages, Finn found the mark of Blake's scientific nature in the neat and precise way he'd fit the new information in: literally between the lines. Here and there, he'd jotted in a notation or crossed out a line with ruler-straight precision. There wasn't a huge amount of alterations done to the original collection of notes, but what Blake had changed was significant. Or, at least, Finn assumed it was, given that most of the notes had to do with people who had vanished from Beta over the years. The original research had centered on a theory regarding missing persons. A lucky medical researcher had been assigned to watch television broadcasts from Beta in accordance with a project from the Department of Cultural Monitoring. From what Blake had learned, and then shared with Finn, it seemed that she'd watched a lot of unsolved crime shows and developed a theory that at least some of the people who'd gone missing had slipped through to Between and possibly even to Alpha. Of course, as soon as she'd said as much, the Department of Security had swept in, seized the research, and promptly vanished the whole idea. But not, however, before Blake had heard of it, printed it, copied it, and told Finn.

Merge - 54

Now, though, there were notes to study. Somehow, in the time between Finn being picked up by the security officers on Thursday morning and his mad dash to Beta and Ari the same Thursday evening, Blake had written down what more he'd learned. Clearly, he hadn't stopped poking at the theory merely because he'd told Finn about it, and he'd taken advantage of having Finn's copy of the file while he'd had it. Red lines and penciled-in notes updated information next to a table that was rather dramatically labeled "The Vanished." Beside one name, Blake had printed found dead and a date. Under that, a name was marked confirmed runaway and two more were noted as located. The last two names were, Finn assumed, still missing. There were more notes here and there about methodology, and the occasional sentence was underlined and marked with exclamation marks; two of those were obviously pointing out the gross assumptions the researcher had made, and one seemed to indicate a point that would bear a follow-up look. Who would do so was anyone's guess. Or had been, before Alpha suddenly had a person on the inside, so to speak. "Nice work if you can get it," Finn muttered, looking at the list of the television programs the researcher had watched. He could watch them, now. Any time he wanted. At one point in his life, having free access to the kind of entertainment Beta offered was something to daydream about, and there he was, able to read and watch and listen to anything he wanted to. Hell, he could even try to locate some of these people -- though he was incredibly unqualified for such a thing. He just had no idea what he'd do with any information he came up with. Finn looked absently at the papers in his hand and opened them up on the computer as well, making sure he'd scanned everything correctly and that Blake's notes had come through. Dates, the status of the people, even a new name, scrawled on the back of one of the sheets. He looked at the name, suddenly captivated by it. It wasn't written in red or even in the fine black ink that Blake's other notes were jotted in, and it was far from neat and precise. It was slanted and big, a large penciled in spider crossing the top half of a page. A name and a street address, given to him without any context. An image flashed to mind, of Blake kneeling by the wall in Finn's parents' living room. He'd had the file, had written something in a rush and stuffed the folder back into Finn's bag. That had been just before the two of them had dashed into Between and gone to find Ari. "Hey. What are you doing?" Finn startled and looked up. "Hey. Just... hey." He blinked and blinked again, trying to shake the feeling of panic and hope that he'd begun to relive. "Um, I was just looking at this note from Blake. Oh, and I used your computer. Scanner. Thing." Ari, dressed in light cotton trousers and a pale striped shirt, clearly not long out of the shower, came into the room and reached for the file. "Are you okay? You look spooked."

Merge - 55

"Yeah, I'm fine." Finn shook his head and held up the page to show Ari the name. "I just realized that Blake wrote that immediately before I left home. He didn't have time to explain." "Huh." Ari looked at it and handed the paper back to him. "Look him up on the Internet. Or even check the phone book. There can't be that many guys around here named Michael Trapp." "What makes you think he's local? I mean, I assume he is, but you seem pretty sure, too. How come?" "Well, he'd kind of have to be, wouldn't he? If Blake knows who he is? You said you can move fast in Between, but I'm assuming that, if this Michael Trapp guy is in Chicago, it would have taken Blake more than an hour or so in travel time. Plus, he did manage to get to know him well enough to have a street address. And, yes, we're also assuming that he's in this dimension and not yours, but we have to start somewhere, right? I'm going to start with coffee." Finn found himself nodding and opening a Web browser. "We're getting low on milk," he said absently. Two hours later, he and Ari were still sitting in front of the computer. They'd gone through a pot and a half of coffee, had eaten toast, and had taken turns following link after link through the Internet, saving page after page into Finn's bookmarks. It had taken Finn about a minute to find Michael Trapp's phone number, matched up with the street address right there in town. On the map, it looked to be in a nice residential area that wasn't quite the suburbs but was farther out than Ari's, and on the other side of the business district. That was all he could find out, however; if Michael Trapp had an online life, it wasn't under his own name. Three search engines had nothing to give, so when Ari came back with his first cup of coffee, they started looking for alternative news sources, hoping to find out more about the people who'd come back. In his head, Finn saw them listed under The Vanished, and he rolled his eyes. Trust Blake to make even a table dramatic and over the top, he thought fondly. Within half an hour Finn had relinquished the mouse and the nice big leather chair to Ari, who was much faster at getting to things. "It's not really that different," Finn explained as he moved the other chair close enough that he could see the screen. "I mean, we do pretty much the same thing -- type in keywords and see what pops up. But you have so much more information and it's a little... well, you have so much more access. There's no hidden layers, there's no passwords and clearances, and it's a bit overwhelming. I'm not sure where to start." "Your government runs the Internet?" Ari asked, one eyebrow up as he clicked through news pages and opened up images in other windows. "You want these pictures?" "Yeah, if you can save them to a folder, that'd be great. And no, not really. It's more that... well, there's fewer people, so there's literally not as much volume of information, for one. And for

Merge - 56

another I suppose I'm biased because of my work. Usually when I go online I'm accessing government documentation, so of course there's passwords and codes. Blake was far better at finding things than I was. He was... subversive. I didn't even know there was something to subvert." Ari gave him a sympathetic look. "There's always something to subvert, sweetie." "So I'm learning." Finn sighed and sat way back, watching Ari save images and follow links around. "Are you finding any commentary that's not exactly what we already know?" "I'm getting there." Ari read a few pages and opened up some new links. "Right now, it's just a lot of people being stupid and some actual long discussions about alien abduction. Oh, and links all over the place to Area 51, and even more links to long and very dry essays about cults. Can you get me more coffee?" "Sure." Finn left him to it and went to get coffee, amazed and a little uncomfortable at the ready way that Ari just seemed to fall into information and know what was good, what was ridiculous, and what else could be out there if he just found the right links or asked the right questions. For those two hours Finn watched and read and drank coffee, but in the end they were only slightly further ahead than they had been. They knew that the people who had been detained were still detained. They knew that most of them had actually been part of a larger organization, which most people agreed had all the markings of a cult, although it lacked the typically charismatic leader that most -- if not all -- cults had. And they knew that the people who had been detained had all been taken to one central place, no matter where they were from. "Is there any way that we can see all those news photos at once?" Finn asked, his eyes starting to cross as Ari flipped from window to window. "Not all of them, no. But maybe..." He did something, Finn wasn't sure what, and started lining up some of the pictures he'd been saving to the desktop. "I made them about the same size -- or at least forced them into the same sized window," Ari said, closing some images. "And there go the duplicates. Okay." Finn looked at the dozen or so pictures. "How many countries?" "Um. Let's see. Okay, we've got National Guard here and in this one. This one is US, too, because that's the NYPD. And here's England, that's.... maybe Spain? That's a Mountie. I don't know that uniform, but the letters on that sign look Cyrillic." "So, a lot." Finn leaned forward and Ari moved away, giving him some space. "The people look... scared. Look at the eyes of this one. She looks like she's afraid." "Probably of the police." Ari pointed to a photo down in the corner. "This guy looks completely happy."

Merge - 57

"That guy looks completely stoned." Ari chuckled and nodded. "But you've got to admit that none of them look like they've been abused or anything close to it. They look confused or happy or scared, but there's not one mark on any of them, and none of them are upset. I think your scared girl up there is just that -freaked because she actually got somewhere. The rest of them were true believers." Finn looked at the pictures, one after another. "I wish I knew what they saw," he whispered. "How far they got." "Not as far as you." Ari put his hand on Finn's neck and squeezed. "None of them did what you did. You're one of a kind." "Maybe." Grateful for the touch, Finn leaned into it. "Maybe I am. But I kind of doubt it. I think Blake's been across."

"Yeah?"

Finn nodded, looking at the pictures from New York and absently counting the men in police

uniforms and the other official looking guys. There were a lot of suits lined up on the steps,

looking like a tunnel of black that the detainees were walking through. "It wouldn't surprise me."

"Would he have told you?" Ari's fingers rubbed gently.

"Eventually, I think so. If I'm right, anyway. Maybe he was just like me. Spying."

The fingers stopped for a fraction of a second. "You weren't spying. You were watching."

"There's a difference?"

"There is to me."

Finn turned and looked at Ari. "Look at the New York photo," he said, looking at Ari's eyes.

"And then the one with Mounties. Tell me what you see."

Ari looked surprised for a moment, then faintly amused. "So romantic." He looked at the computer though, and then back at Finn. "What?" Finn pointed. "Huh." Ari leaned a bit closer. "You're right. Same man. And he's in the ones with the National Guard, too. Well, that makes sense, really. We know that they were all taken to one place, and that place is in the US. It makes sense that someone would be at multiple pick ups over the course of the day."

Merge - 58

"I suppose." Finn looked at the photos and shrugged. "He's the only one, though. No one else

was in more than one picture."

"He's very photogenic."

Finn had to look at Ari to know he was teasing. "So, I wasn't spying?"

Ari smiled at him. "No. You weren't. Come on. Let's go shopping. I'll even take you out to

lunch."

Finn nodded, feeling lighter than he had since he'd walked through to Beta. "Put it on my tab." "Trust me, I am."

Merge - 59

Chapter Ten

Ari drove and watched Finn out of the corner of his eye. He didn't really expect Finn to act like a tourist or anything, and Finn didn't. He merely sat there in the passenger seat and looked around, making a comment now and then when something caught his eye. They agreed that it was probably still a good idea to skip the mall and just go to a few freestanding stores until they had a better idea what kind of time Finn was going to have with his newfound ability to feel everything that everyone else was. The last thing either of them wanted was for Finn to have a screaming fit outside the Gap. Ari kept an eye on him, but Finn seemed to do okay for the drive, and he even seemed fine when they parked in the large, open lot. Still, though. It was a little nerve wracking. "Tell me again how this works." Finn glanced at him and smiled a little, looking for all the world like he wanted to roll his eyes. "It's okay," he said as he undid his seatbelt. "Really." "Yeah, yeah, okay. You say so, I believe you." Ari didn't take the key out of the ignition, though he shut the engine off. "But just tell me again. You can filter it out? You're sure?" "I've been practicing on you since last night." Finn grinned at him and winked. "I pretty much block out anything you've got, unless you're really worked up about something. So far, since that first burst, I mean, it's mostly been you getting all turned on. That I can feel. Can't seem to shake it." He didn't look at all upset about it, and he didn't seem shy about teasing Ari about it, either. "You know, I thought you were a really nice guy until you showed up and got all weird about sex." Ari narrowed his eyes at Finn and turned sideways in his seat. "It's a self-defense thing, isn't it?" "What?" Finn looked momentarily confused, his eyelids fluttering rapidly. "You're like two different people. You're all come hither -- and yes, I come, so do you -- but you're also talking about respect and how to live your life, how to be independent in this new place. But you don't exactly show any desire to leave my house or my bed. You're confused and you're scared and you're saying a lot of different things." He nodded, mostly to himself. "Thus, self-defense mechanism."

Merge - 60

"Or I could be an asshole?" Finn offered the suggestion with what sounded like a faint bit of hope in his voice. "Nah." Ari dismissed the idea, waving his hand. "You love me. And I actually like you a lot. Therefore, you're just being weird. So. Tell me about how you can filter?" Finn looked at him for a long moment and then sighed. "You know, I had a conversation very like this with Blake. He was really upbeat and over the top, a real... a really nice dork. And then he'd start talking about all this stuff, the missing people and the government, and he'd get this whole other persona. I told him he was like two different people. It never occurred to me that it might have been a defense mechanism. Oh, hey, maybe it's because of the filters and empathy?" "I don't think so, no." Ari smiled at him and reached over. "Maybe it's because you're both big dorks," he said, brushing his thumb over Finn's lip. "Come on. Tell me what you do to filter. I know what you're saying, but seriously? If you wind up getting overwhelmed, it will make me feel better if I can say comforting things like 'Okay, try to do X as we walk out. That's it. Good job.' See?" "Uh-huh." Finn looked at him very seriously. "I see that you're a big dork, too." Then he rolled his eyes and settled back. "It's like... okay, a lot of it is visual imagery. 'Imagine yourself in a bubble and push it out' kind of thing, to force your mind to keep things at a distance. We're taught that primarily when we're young and dealing with the dissymmetry of seeing two sets of things; the bubble keeps out everything that's the wrong color and teaches us, effectively, to block out the things we can step through without getting vertigo. It's rudimentary, but, for small children, it works well." Ari nodded and shifted in his seat, trying to get it. "Okay. But you can't actually see Alpha now, right? Or, at least, it's not throwing you off. You didn't flinch when we were driving." "Right." Finn looked pained. "I can't see it. All I can do, as far as we know, is feel. But that's just going purely on the fact that I can feel you. Blake's an empath, and he said that the filters help. I'm an expert on filters; I really don't think this is going to be an issue." "Humor me." "God. Fine." Finn rolled his eyes, an expression Ari was beginning to find particularly endearing, and looked out the front window. "Okay, what I'm going to do is kind of selective sight. Or rather, taste. I'll just pay more attention to other things." "Right." Ari was pretty sure that his very best boardroom "don't bullshit me, I will have your guts for lunch" look was all he needed to get Finn talking in English. "God, you're hot." Reminding himself that major corporate figures never blush at their adversaries, Ari tried again. "Finn. Please tell me what you mean."

Merge - 61

"Have you ever had coffee with flavor syrup in it?" "Is that a real question?" "Yes." Finn rolled his eyes yet again and then pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay. When someone hands you a food item or coffee or something with an additional flavor and says 'Hey, can you taste the cinnamon in this?' or something, you taste and try to find the cinnamon, right? That's selective taste. You're looking for one thing and automatically filtering out the tastes you expect to find. The usual taste kind of slips into the background and goes away. Right?" Ari thought about it for a moment and nodded. "Yeah. So, you're going to... what?" "I'm going to shift my concentration slightly so, when I sense the color of other people's emotions, I let them drift into background noise." He looked very pleased with himself. "Basically, I have no idea what's going to happen, but I know how to filter. Trust me, Ari. It's going to be just fine." It was anything but fine. They did okay across the parking lot, and they were even okay through the first run of clothing stores. Ari didn't dawdle, and Finn seemed much more concerned with prices and sizes than any of the people around them, so it just made sense that Ari would get lulled into a false sense of comfort. He couldn't talk Finn into getting a really nice suit and barely convinced him to get a dinner jacket and a couple of ties by pointing out that there were some fine restaurants that Finn wouldn't be allowed to eat at if he only had jeans and shirts without buttons. Unsure if it was the promise of good food or a dinner date that got Finn dressed up pretty, Ari didn't care. He got his way, and that was all that mattered. Clothing shopping done, even shoes to go with the dress pants and dinner jacket, Ari got brave. "Now," he said, driving into another parking lot in another shopping center, "we're going to take care of a few practical matters." "It's office supplies." Finn looked at the big store and tilted his head to the side. "Seriously, I just need some cheap pads and file folders. A few pens. Maybe some colored sticky notes." Ari rolled his eyes. "And someday you're going to be a grown up. You're going to need things for a career and such. So we're getting you set up." "Define, please." Finn looked at him with growing apprehension. "You just spent almost a thousand dollars on clothes. Please keep that in mind." "Right. You are getting absolutely the bare minimum for Christmas this year, and don't even think you're getting more than dinner out for your birthday. But for today we're going to get you

Merge - 62

at least a cell phone and a laptop." He got out of the car before Finn could start yelling and headed across the parking lot to the store. "Ari, God damn it." He could hear Finn grumbling as he caught up to him. "You and I are going to have a very long talk about money." "Later, sweetie." "Don't call me sweetie while you're spending vast amounts of money on me. It makes me nervous. Also, horny." Ari laughed as they passed through the huge double doors and into the brightly lit store. "Computer first, then paper products. I figure laptop over desktop and you can work from wherever you like. We can turn the other bedroom into your office at some point, if you want." "God, you don't waste time." "I guess not." He thought maybe it should bother him, at least a little bit, that he'd effectively just moved Finn in without even blinking, without even knowing him. It didn't, however; it just felt right. He glanced over at Finn and smiled, unable to help himself, and then he looked a little closer. "Hey, are you okay?" Finn was walking beside him but looking at the ground and squinting a little bit. "Yeah, I'm good." He nodded but didn't look up. "Is it the lights?" Ari looked around, searching for a florescent light that was flickering, or perhaps a rogue sound system that was emitting an annoying hum. "No, the lights are fine." Finn stopped walking and put his hand over his eyes for a moment, then looked up at Ari, blinking hard. "I'm okay. Just kind of... feeling a lot of green and orange." He looked around and his face grew pale and waxy. "Someone's really, really upset," he whispered. "Like, furious. Not scared." "All right." Ari took Finn by the elbow and started walking them back out of the store. "Try to block it out," he said in a low voice, pretty sure that Finn already was doing just that and would likely be pissed off at him for stating the obvious. "Listen to my voice and concentrate on the other sounds." He hoped that was a bit more helpful. "It's not sounds." Finn was even paler, his face drawn. "It's making me dizzy." Ari stopped walking and stood in the middle of the aisle, looking at him closely. "Okay. Not sounds." He tried to think, tried to remember what he knew and what Finn had told him. "Put it into the background," he said firmly, his face close to Finn's. "It's not your feelings. You don't feel what they do. Concentrate on what you are feeling. Physical, emotional -- what you are. Not them."

Merge - 63

Off to the right, Ari could hear voices being raised, a man and a woman yelling about sale prices and refunds and a product they seemed to think was junk. Ari ignored it, but he had no doubt that they were source of Finn's distress. He kept his hand on Finn's elbow. Finn was looking at him with wide eyes. "All right. Yes. Not me. I'm not angry. I'm calm and happy and I'm going to get a new computer. I'm going into a huge amount of debt, but that's okay. I'm not angry. No one is angry at me, I'm safe." "Exactly." Ari ignored the odd looks they were getting. "Better?" "A little." Finn's color was coming back slowly. "This isn't... this sucks." "I bet." Ari nodded and studied Finn's face. "I can feel you shaking." Looking slightly embarrassed, Finn bit his lower lip. "The colors are fading." "That's good." Ari looked over at the customer service desk where a tiny little woman was pounding her fist on the counter and a teenage clerk was looking horribly anxious. "They're still going at it. It's good that the color is fading -- that means you're blocking, right?" "I hope so." Finn took a deep breath and nodded. "Oh, God. Excuse me." He turned on his heel, suddenly pale again and looking a little green. "Where?" Ari blinked and looked around frantically. "There!" He pointed toward the sign for the bathroom and Finn took off, walking fast. "Damn it." Ari followed, a little slower so Finn could have a bit of peace. It was a good that they hadn't had lunch yet, he supposed. The whole going out in public thing was going to take a bit of practice.

Merge - 64

Chapter Eleven

Finn was pretty sure he couldn't possibly be more embarrassed or humiliated. There was nothing at all quite like talking up one's abilities and then not only landing flat on one's ass, but flat on one's ass in a public washroom, vomiting. Ari, of course, had been kind. Finn, of course, had retreated to the car and let Ari shop without him. Which is how he wound up with a very nice, very expensive computer, an additional external hard drive, and several bags full of office supplies. It looked like he was about to become an executive of something. He left Ari unpacking things and making sure that the computer had all the software that Ari wanted on it, and went to the shower. He'd had one only hours before, but something about throwing up made him itch to get clean again. Plus, now that he had hundreds of dollars worth of clothes to change into, he wasn't worried about laundry. In fact, there seemed to be more clothes than he'd even picked out, bags appearing under a blanket in the trunk of the car. "You are a very lucky man," he told his reflection in the bathroom mirror, right after he'd brushed his teeth. Twice. "And you know damn well that things kind of have to be this way right now. Your pride will feel better when you can pay him back, but, for right now, you get over yourself and be grateful that Ari doesn't mind and that he's actually able to help you out. Someday, you'll be able to help him. Maybe not with money, but you'll be able to be what he needs." His reflection nodded, looking serious and like the words were sinking in, so Finn got in the shower and turned the water up hot. It felt wonderful, the spray and steam cleaning off the clammy feeling that being sick had left him with, and he closed his eyes, letting water run over his face. The longer he stood there, the calmer he felt. He could do this. He could let Ari take care of him a little and he could face his future. He just didn't have to do it all at once. It was only the second day. Finn stood in the shower until his fingertips started to shrivel, then he grabbed the shower gel. He didn't feel a huge need to wash his hair again, but the shower gel was nice and light, smelling of summer, so he indulged a little. The lather was thick, with bubbles that didn't pop as soon as

Merge - 65

water landed on them, but rather let the water slide underneath so huge clouds of suds slid down his body like silk. The doors of the shower were clear glass, a fact that Finn had appreciated when Ari was inside and he'd been trapped by the doorframe so they could talk without him vanishing in Between. Now, with foam sliding through his fingers, he appreciated them again as Ari came into the bathroom and stripped down, watching him. Finn felt himself grow hard as he watched Ari, and he didn't hesitate to move over and let Ari in when he opened the shower door. Stepping under the spray, Ari raked his fingers through his own hair and got it wet, his gaze intent on Finn's face. "I respect the hell out of you." "Good." Finn nodded and reached for Ari, his knees almost going weak. He held on, though, both to his will and to Ari as bubbles were crushed between them. Ari devoured his mouth, one leg wedged between Finn's, hands busy. There was tugging and pulling, and more than once Ari simply held Finn's face between his hands and kissed him, again and again, pulling back to look at Finn's face and then kissing him yet again. It made Finn dizzy once more, but it wasn't the same, it wasn't horrible and didn't feel like the bottom was dropping out of his world. It was a rush, a huge leap of faith that he was absolutely confident in. This was right, it was good and right, and he wanted Ari like he hadn't wanted anyone before in his life. Finn turned them, pushed Ari against the tile of the back wall, and held him there. "Yes," he whispered, mouth close to Ari's ear, his body pressed close enough that he could feel Ari's heart thudding against his own chest. "This is right." "Please," Ari whispered back, his hands now buried in Finn's hair as he panted. "Please." Between them, their erections were pressed together, hard and insistent, compelling Finn to move. He wanted, and Ari wanted, and they were kissing, tasting and touching, and he needed more. He touched with his fingertips, tracing Ari's nipples and then the curve of his hip bone. His palm slid over the ridges of Ari's abdominal muscles and then lower. When he held Ari in his hand, long and rigid and hot, Finn felt more than heard Ari's moan. On his knees without memory of sinking down, Finn didn't even pause to lick and nuzzle. He would the next time and the time after that, but there in the shower he wanted and needed. He opened his mouth and swallowed Ari's cock into his throat, taking with it the sounds of Ari's gratitude. "Please," Ari said again through a haze of red feeling, his hands in Finn's hair. "Jesus, yes. Finn. God, yes."

Merge - 66

Finn looked up through the water and saw Ari looking down at him, and he sucked harder. He blinked against the water, but he didn't look away, taking in every gasp, every hitch in Ari's murmured words. He could feel Ari's cock leaking and when he pulled back he could taste him. "Oh, fuck." Ari's eyes went wide when Finn tongued the head of his cock and the taste grew wilder. Finn groaned and did it again, one hand on Ari's hip as he sucked Ari off and the other going to his own prick, pulling hard and fast. "No, no, no," Ari chanted, his hips moving. "God, save it. I want to do it, please, Finn. Oh, God!" He rocked harder, shoving his cock into Finn's mouth. He was swelling harder and Finn grunted, taking it and wanting more. Finn let go of himself, not sure if he could hold off anyway, and wrapped his hand around the base of Ari's dick as Ari started to come. Hot spurts filled his mouth and Finn swallowed, moaning and shaking as his balls lifted in sympathy, his sounds lost under Ari's cries. Then Ari was on the floor with him, shoving him back and curling on the tiles. Finn almost panicked, not sure if Ari had slipped and fallen or not, but then Ari's mouth found him and he yelled. Ari licked and sucked, his head bobbing in Finn's lap, and before Finn could get his hand to Ari's head, he was shooting, his cock throbbing and his stomach clenching tight. The shower sounded like a waterfall as they lay on the floor, gasping. Then Ari uncurled and reached for him, tugging him into a kiss that tasted like sex. "Come on," Ari said softly when he let Finn go. "Come to bed with me." Finn nodded and went. There wasn't anywhere in two dimensions he'd rather be. *** They napped for a short time, curled up in a tangle of arms, and then stayed there when they woke up. "So, I'm thinking that this whole filter thing is more complicated than you expected," Ari said softly. They were still mostly tangled together, facing each other. Ari's head was propped up on his hand and Finn had claimed more than his fair share of the pillows. Under the covers, Finn had an arm looped around Ari and Ari's hand was on Finn's naked hip, the thumb caressing him lightly. "It would seem so." Finn sighed. "It was a lot more intense than I'd thought. Each person there just seemed to magnify it, or maybe it was because I wasn't expecting there to be anger like that in a store, or maybe it was just that I wasn't concentrating. I feel pretty stupid, to be honest." Ari frowned at him, tiny little lines digging into his brow. "Why?"

Merge - 67

"Because this is my thing. I've been filtering my entire life. Fine tuning, studying; I'm an expert. And some unhappy customer at a big box store had me vomiting in a public bathroom. It's a bit of a kick in the pants." He watched as Ari tried valiantly not to smile. "Well, it is." Finn was suddenly aware that he was pouting. "Anyway. I think we can safely cross social worker, therapist, guidance councilor, and clergy off my list of career prospects. I'd be insane within a week. A day." "Well, maybe." Ari did smile then, and Ari’s thumb brushed him again. "But, then, you don't really want to be any of those things, do you?" Finn couldn't deny that. "I tend to work best without other people around," he admitted. "I'm happy in a lab, with computers and clinical data and books and files. And I like to be able to leave my work at work -- I'd never, ever be able to do that if I was trying to use my ability to feel others’ emotions." "Of course not." Ari leaned forward and kissed him. "You're a scientist. That doesn't in any way mean that you don't like people or that you're unfeeling. But it does mean that you want to know the hows and whys of things. So. We'll look at assorted sciences and find you a field you can adapt to from your former research." Finn laughed softly and nuzzled Ari's chin. "You make it sound easy. And I suppose picking a field is. The hard part will be all the complications around paperwork and things like ID. Transcripts. Anything and everything that prove I'm alive." "You're such a worrier." Ari kissed him and the hand on Finn's hip slipped a little lower, into a very un-hip-like zone. "One step at a time. And, see, we've already decided you're not going into the ministry." "Right." Finn's eyes drifted closed as Ari touched him. "We'll figure something out." "Uh-huh." Ari kissed him and nibbled a path along Finn's jaw, his hand petting and stroking Finn to full hardness again. "Today, we're going to stay in bed, all right? Watch TV, order in. Say yes." Finn nodded and rolled onto his back, his legs parting. "Yes. Oh, yes." "Tomorrow... tomorrow we'll go for a walk. Somewhere outside. One of the parks, not a lot of people. Say yes." "Yes!" Finn's eyes opened as Ari's fingers slipped back, behind his balls. "Ari. Yes."

Merge - 68

"That's it. We'll ease you into life in this dimension." Ari kept talking, but Finn had stopped catching all the words. "One small step at a time. We'll make this your home." Finn knew the general sense of what Ari was saying, but all of his attention was captured, concentrated. He bent one leg at the knee and dragged his foot up, opening himself. He knew Ari was prepared, though he hadn't seen the plastic shopping bag since the night before. He hoped Ari was as efficient as he'd always seemed and hadn't put things in the bathroom. That was awfully far away. "Please," he whispered, echoing Ari's plea from the shower. Ari moved with him, his cock rubbing on Finn's hip and leaving a shiny, slippery streak. His fingers teased and stroked, rolled Finn's balls and brushed over his ass again and again, but he didn't seem to be in any rush. He kissed Finn's mouth, licked at the corners, and smiled against Finn's cheek. "I want you," he said, his voice as slick and slippery as the head of his cock. He was smooth and lean, his edges sharp with a sense of danger, but as safe as a warm blanket. Finn's head spun again, the red of Ari's emotions threaded through with sea-green and white, brilliant and shiny. He was willing to let them in, happy to share the emotion. "Take me," he whispered, when he could speak. Ari kissed him again, his tongue darting and teasing into Finn's mouth and then gone again. From the table on Finn's side of the bed, Ari fetched the lube and a strip of condoms. He had been a Boy Scout, Finn knew that. It was a very handy thing, that level of being prepared. Finn's thoughts began to fracture as Ari penetrated him, his fingers wet and warm. At Finn's gasp Ari stopped and looked at him, his chest heaving as he fought to control his breathing. "No?" Finn nodded frantically. "Yes. Yes. Just... slow." Ari kissed him, his hand moving more gently. "Sorry." "Don't be sorry." Finn hung on, one hand on Ari's shoulder, the other resting on Ari's bicep. "Don't stop." He could feel Ari's muscles flex and bunch, his strength right there, under his skin. Ari moaned softly and his tongue darted out to lick at his upper lip. "God, you're tight," he said softly, barely making any noise at all between his rough breaths. They were both whispering, panting, their voices strained. Finn was tense, every muscle taut before he noticed and made himself relax. He wasn't a virgin by any means; he wouldn't act like one. It had just been a long time. "More," he said, when he was ready. His body knew what to do. It knew how good this would be. He'd watched Ari; he was well aware of what the man was capable of when he was needy and wanting. Ari's mouth closed around a bit of skin under Finn's jaw. He sucked it, scraped his teeth over it until Finn arched, his head tipping back and his hips curling, pushing back onto Ari's fingers. "That's it," Ari whispered, just before he did it again.

Merge - 69

Finn whimpered and moved, his hips rocking back to meet Ari's hand and then forward, dragging his cock over warm and damp skin. They were starting to sweat, their skin tacky with it and making his cock catch at odd moments, making the rhythm discordant. "Please." He hated to beg. Why, then, did his voice sound so rich, so deep and full and alive? So incredibly needy and desperate. "Easy. Just wait for it. Soon, I promise." There was no teasing in Ari's voice, no sarcasm or playfulness. He was intent, his hands sure and his mouth deft as he distracted Finn, tormented him with licks and whispers and bites while his hands went away to deal with mundane matters of lube and latex. "Now. Let me." Finn nodded and reached, pulled Ari into him with a long moan, his legs curling up. "God, yes. Please. Ari." "I have you. I do." Ari filled him, stretched and took him, and the moment of the taking went on and on, until they both groaned with it. "Oh." Finn stared up at Ari's face and had to close his eyes within moments. There was something too intense and too intimate in the way Ari's gaze met his; a second later, Finn opened them again, for what was it all about, if not that intimacy? "There you are," Ari whispered. He moved slightly, a pulling back of his hips that made them both gasp. "Jesus, Finn." Finn nodded, his mouth open and dry until he could force himself to lick his lips. "Do it again." God, yes, please. Again and again. The drag of Ari's cock, the push and pull of his hands and the weight of Ari's body... Finn wanted it all, for as long as he could stand it. He was open and full, stretched and pinned, and he'd never felt so much. He could see the blossoming of Ari's colors and he wished he could share it back. Ari groaned and moved as Finn wanted him to, forward and back, in and out, his rhythm picking up speed and force until Finn became aware of the way the bed was moving, or maybe it was just his body being pushed along the sheet with every thrust. Gasping and swearing, Finn reached back and put his hands flat on the headboard, bracing himself. "Come on," he said, staring up at Ari, almost able to count the drops of perspiration on Ari's forehead. "I'm not going to break." "You're not going to fucking walk." Finn wasn't sure if that was a warning or a promise. He decided he didn't really care and, ignoring anything that might possibly be a warning sign from his ass, he used his leverage to push back.

Merge - 70

"God!" They yelled it together, and then Ari was kissing him frantically, his hips rocking and slamming against Finn's, fucking him harder and faster, with intention and purpose, until he froze. Ari hung above Finn, braced on one arm, his eyes wide and staring. "Now," he whispered. Then he circled his hips and thrust in once more. "Ari!" Finn's back arched as he felt Ari start to come, cock throbbing and pulsing inside Finn's body. Between their bodies, Finn shot, slick and warm, the smell of it heady and sweet. They were still coming, still shaking with it and trembling from suddenly released pressure when Ari kissed him again and Finn saw the red fade into pinks and blues and greens like the sweetest sunset he'd ever seen.

Merge - 71

Chapter Twelve

Ari honestly couldn't remember if he'd ever walked through a park holding hands with someone. It didn't feel wrong at all; in fact, it was pretty damn comfortable. But he had no recollection of doing it before. The sun was shining, for the most part, only vanishing behind the occasional white cloud, and he and Finn were strolling along at what would be a fast pace for any self-respecting tortoise. "We should have brought lunch." Ari squeezed Finn's fingers and pointed to where a family was setting out the contents of their picnic on one of the tables. "Or at least a snack." "Next time." Finn smiled at him, squinting slightly. Ari made a mental note to buy him some sunglasses, or at least let him know where the nearest boutique was. "It would be bad form to enjoy a nice picnic in the park only to get caught in a mad rush of touch football players and have to run to the nearest public bathroom." "Nice way to kill a moment." Ari laughed at him and made a face. "Seriously, though. How are you feeling?" "Not bad at all." Finn looked around and nodded. "This is nice. There's people, they're happy, there's no bad vibes. And they're far enough away that I could probably just back out of any bad feelings." "Do you think that would work?" Ari turned him slightly and they started down another path, toward a small pond where ducks were waiting to be fed. "I don't see why not." Finn looked thoughtful and didn't say anything for a long moment. Then he nodded a tiny bit, as if to himself. "Blake said he could fine-tune it, zone in one person and sort of... turn up the volume. He said he'd never been able to turn it all the way off, but he could put the noise into the background. I don't have noise really, just a low hum. But I have color and emotional cues." He frowned slightly. "I think I have more insight into what I'm sensing, too." Ari led them toward a bench. "How so?" When they were sitting he kept hold of Finn's hand, liking the way their fingers looked, tangled together and resting on his thigh. "Well, let me see if I can say this so it makes sense, to either of us." Finn looked at the water. "He said that he could tell I was upset and worked up about something, but he didn't know what.

Merge - 72

And he didn't seem to be able to really... I can tell when you're turned on and I can tell when you're worried, and I don't think he could get that kind of fine tuning. He said he could tell good from bad, like we can from Alpha to Beta, I think. At least, that was the impression I got." Finn's head tilted as he looked sideways at Ari, the sun shining off his hair. "He had no idea what was behind my emotional agitation and he wasn't even sure what emotion I was feeling." Putting the thought of Finn's hair out of his mind, Ari said, "And you can do more than that." Finn nodded emphatically. "Uh-huh. A lot more. I could tell at the store that the woman was angry. It was a lot clearer than just a bad feeling like what I would catch from Beta if I was paying attention. Also, yesterday when we were in bed I could kind of see, in my head. The red of your feelings got all... pink." He looked away and blushed a little. "I could tell not only that you were feeling good, but I could feel the more subtle changes in your feelings. Blake didn't indicate anything like that. We're different, and I'm not sure why." "I bet you're going to spend the better part of the week trying to figure it out, though." Ari grinned to himself, picturing Finn making notes and creating flowcharts. "You've got the Internet at your fingertips and a lot of memories to write down. Something will make a pattern, I'm sure. I got pink?" "You got pink." Finn smirked at him. "You're just hoping that I'll get so enamored with trying to sort this out that I'll wind up keeping myself so busy you don't have to worry about me." "Me?" Ari tried to look hurt and offended. "I have no idea what you're talking about." "You twitch whenever there's a hint of me going out without you. Like when I said that I wanted to go to that deli for lunch this week." "Ah." Ari watched a duck as it waddled out of the pond and headed for them aggressively. "See, that twitch wasn't so much about you being out in public alone -- though I'm not crazy about you being where there's a lot of people yet -- but more about you wanting to go to that deli. Kind of a tease isn't it? Also, you make it sound like I've been doing it a lot, when really it was only once." "Twice. You didn't like the idea of me going the library, either." "That had nothing to do with people, public spaces, or anything else. It was about you never coming home because you fell in love with all the books." Finn laughed and stood up, dragging Ari with him. The duck looked unimpressed, quacked at them irritably, and headed back to the pond. "Come on," Finn said, starting to walk again. "You need to calm down." He winked and led Ari to a pathway heading around the pond and back toward the tennis courts. "Yes, I will make notes and see if I can figure this out, because I'm a scientist and a big geek. And, yes, I plan to spend a good part of the week -- maybe even the weeks to come -- on the computer learning and making plans and trying to find out everything I can about my situation, the people who tried to go to Alpha, who Blake is and what he did, and maybe even how Michael Trapp fits in."

Merge - 73

"Mm, ambitious," Ari murmured. "You know it." Finn grinned. "Takes one to know one. Would you be half as impressed with me if I wanted to sit in your house and hide from everything? No." Ari had to give him that. "No. You're right. But do you really think that going to lunch at that deli is a good idea?" To Ari it just seemed painful, going to a place the he used to visit so he could get to his office on Alpha, kind of like a slow picking at a Band-Aid. Finn seemed to know what he was thinking. "It'll be fine," he said with a soft smile. "It's not a tease, not like you mean. There are many, many places that are just like home, or reminders of there. This park, even. We have it as well." He pointed to the left. "Over there, on the other side of that loop, is the street I was parked on when I told Blake about you. In the downtown core there are a lot of buildings that are duplicates. The deli... Ari, I walked through it a lot, and never once did I get to have a sandwich. Plus, it'll be neat, being able to see it without two sets of walls competing for my attention. There's nowhere that I can go that won't remind me of what I left; it's all the same." Ari sighed. "I suppose you're right." "It's nice of you to worry about it, though." Finn squeezed his hand again. "Hey, this is kind of close to your office, actually. You're..." He turned in a slow circle, apparently trying to get his bearings. "Over that way, about five blocks?" "Right." Ari grinned and pointed to the left side of the pond. "Those trees are surrounding the spot where Duncan tried to teach me to meditate." "You know, even before I started hanging out with you like this," Finn said, "I would have had a really hard time picturing that. Now, it's kind of impossible. You actually sat in the woods and tried to meditate?" "Does it help when you consider my motivation?" Ari laughed and led Finn over to the trees. "Actually, yes. A lot. I can see you doing things in order to get what you want." Ari had to look at Finn to see if he meant that as a compliment or not. He took it that way when he saw the heat in Finn's eyes. "I'm told I have a reputation for being a driven kind of guy." Finn nodded as they passed along the path and into the clearing, coming at it from the side opposite of where Duncan had led him. "You know, I think I've noticed that. Hard working. Pushy. Demanding. Bossy. Kind of a... take-charge sort of guy." "You sound like you like that." Ari leered, drinking in the way Finn described him with not-sonice words and a very God-yes-like-that voice.

Merge - 74

"You're not bad, I guess." Finn flashed a smile at him and darted away, laughing. "So, here?" he asked, looking around the clearing. "It's very pretty. Isolated and quiet, I guess." "Which is what you want when you're meditating and trying to see into another dimension. Seriously, it was pretty cool, even if it didn't do what I hoped. I got pretty relaxed." Finn laughed again and nodded, then sat on the grass. "What did you do?" he asked. "What was it like?" Ari sank down next to him and crossed his legs. "It was very... kind of Jedi. 'Use the Force.'" "What?" Finn looked slightly amused and lot baffled. Ari raised an eyebrow. "Use the Force. Star Wars." Finn's face cleared. "Reagan era space program. The Cold War with the Russians." Ari chuckled. He hadn't really thought about the culture clashes they were going to have. "It's a movie. 1977. Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. I have it at home, and you are going to watch it. Your education on pop culture references is going to have to happen fast -- or we're going to have to come up with some kind of cover story as to why you're socially inept." Finn glared at him, but there was a smile teasing at the corners of his mouth. "It's a good thing I love you." Ari smiled. "Yeah. Come on, we're going to watch movies tonight. A lot of them." *** Monday morning Ari strode into the office, his only thought centered on how much of a grin was a natural morning smile and what would tip it over into a clear sign that he'd left a very sticky man in his bed. "And good morning to you, too," Duncan literally sang out. Apparently, he'd missed the mark. Ari kept walking, refusing to blush and trying very, very hard not to look smug as well as satisfied. "How was your weekend?" he asked, his tone as neutral as he could make it. Duncan followed him into the office and crossed to the coffee maker. "Fine, thank you." He left just enough of a pause that it was clear Ari could fill in any blanks he wanted to, if he cared to share. He did not. He and Duncan had a very close working relationship, but at the end of the day it was a working relationship, even if they'd discussed their friendship not three days before. Ari tried to be fair enough to keep Duncan up to date about events in his personal life that might make him

Merge - 75

cranky, but they were hardly best buddies. And if he kept telling himself all of that, he might eventually believe it. "I watched four movies yesterday," he said as he took off his suit jacket and hung it carefully. "Anything good?" Duncan looked vaguely surprised and a lot disappointed. "Star Wars, Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail, Citizen Kane, and The Godfather." Duncan put his mug carefully on the table and sat down. His planner and notepad were still on his desk and he didn't show any signs of leaving. "Interesting selection," he said thoughtfully. "And long. Your brain must be a little tired this morning." Ari cleared his throat and fought back the blush again. "Only kind of sort of paid attention to the last two," he mumbled. Duncan beamed and stood up. "I get lunch out on Friday, on me, and a new jacket." "It's not nice to make bets with yourself about your boss," Ari called as Duncan went to his own desk. "Memo me." Duncan came back a moment later with his things, his fist full of pens. "Is this where I give you the 'don't let your heart get broken by a rebound' speech, or the 'Ben was never right for you and I'm glad you've found someone you're more suited to be with' speech? Oh, or the 'I hope you're taking all possible precautions' one, but frankly that one makes me squeamish just thinking about it, because, hello. You are still my boss. Ew." Ari rolled his eyes and joined Duncan at the table for their morning planning. "Let's just make a note that a speech was given and call it done. I think that between this chat and the one we had on Friday we're totally covered and up to date." "Works for me." Duncan made sure they both had coffee, sat down, and the morning began. *** At eleven-thirty Ari returned to his office from a meeting one level up and pinched the bridge of his nose. "When's the next one?" he asked Duncan as he went to his filing cabinet. "Video conference at two. The files are on your desk for review, and it's expected to be very short." "That means someone will ask a stupid question and it'll go on for an hour." Duncan grinned and walked past him, his hands full of files. "You know, as long as it's not you asking the stupid question, you can just... leave. Tell someone to keep you updated and be polite, but beg off. I can talk to Kel or Nic. They keep very good notes."

Merge - 76

Ari blinked at him. "I haven't had to copy anyone's notes since high school." "It's a very useful thing," Duncan said dryly as he walked away. "I'll go get lunch." "Yeah, okay." Ari went to his desk, thinking about cutting out of conference calls. He could save a lot of time if he did that. But he was pretty sure he wouldn't maintain quite the level of control and involvement he had, and therefore it was a bad idea to make general practice. Once in a while, though... He sat at his desk, flipped the file open with one hand, and reached for his phone with the other to call Finn. The file looked to be in order and there weren't any surprises that he could see; he couldn't even see an opening for a stupid question, although that had never stopped anyone before. "Hello, you've reached me. I can't take your call right now, but if you leave a message I'll call you back as soon as I get around to it." Ari blinked and looked at the phone in his hand, startled by both his own voice on the answering machine at home and how incredibly rude he sounded. He'd known it sounded kind of brusque, but really. No wonder he hardly ever had any messages. "What was I thinking?" he said to himself as he hung up. On the other hand, the message was pretty much what he meant, so he'd probably not change it. However. The machine picking up meant that Finn was out. And if Finn was out, Ari was going to worry about him, and probably a lot. He'd left Finn some money, a few hundred dollars in cash so he could pick up anything he needed and take cabs and things, but Finn hadn't said he planned to go out. Then again, Finn had been in bed, sticky and freshly fucked when Ari left, so chances were he hadn't been planning it right then. Plus, they were both trying very, very hard not to be terribly awkward about the money thing and were diligently ignoring the entire subtext of Ari leaving money on the dresser as he left. Ari read his file for a while, waited for Duncan to come back with lunch, and pointedly did not pace. He kept thinking about Finn on the floor of that store's washroom, retching from the sea of emotion he was trying to reconcile in his own head. By the time Duncan walked back in, his arms laden with greasy brown paper bags, Ari was walking the length of the room in carefully measured steps that were not in any way paces. He didn't seem able to keep himself from it, even though it wasn't helping to calm him down any. "What's wrong?" Duncan asked the moment he walked into the room. "Nothing." Ari looked at his desk and then took one of the bags to the table. "I'm just thinking too hard again."

Merge - 77

Duncan rolled his eyes and started unpacking the other bag. "I hate it when you think too hard. I usually wind up with overtime." "I'll try to control it. God, did you get enough food?" Duncan shrugged and put another sandwich beside the first one. "The soup looked good, and you've never turned down pasta." "Good thing we have a fridge," Ari muttered, picking one of the soups. "We can eat the rest of this tomorrow." Duncan nodded and looked up when Ari's phone started to ring. "I was planning ahead," he said as he crossed to the desk. "Leave the pasta out for me, please. Ari Sloan's office, this is Duncan speaking. How may I help you?" Ari put a few things in the fridge and grabbed a couple of water bottles. "One moment, ma'am." Ari glanced over and saw Duncan smirking at him. "What?" "It's the front desk. A Dr. Cormag is here and they didn't want to let him up. He's annoyed." "Oh, Mother of God." Ari rolled his eyes and reached for the receiver. "Let him up, no escort, and put his name on the list," he almost barked. In a hastily modified tone he added, "It's my fault; I didn't think to let you know. I apologize." "Of course, sir. Not a problem." The words were right, but Ari made a circular motion at Duncan, who nodded. He'd find out who was on the desk and make sure they got either flowers or a meal out, depending on their personal taste. Ari hated it when he fucked up in-house. "So, I get to meet him?" Duncan asked, looking at the table with their lunch all neatly set out. "You do." With a sigh Ari went to the fridge and promptly brought everything back out that he'd just put away. He was going to have to get Finn a cell phone so he had warnings about these lunches. He could have gotten Duncan out of there. But then again -- both Finn and Duncan would probably pout at him if they didn't get to meet. Best to just let them have a look at each other so he could get some peace. Smiling, he made sure there was a water bottle for Finn and tried not to bounce while they waited for him to come up.

Merge - 78

Chapter Thirteen

Finn made his way through the familiar halls and past doors that he knew well, finally walking into the reception area of Ari's corner office. The people at the general reception desk had been very adamant that he not be allowed into the elevator that went to Ari's floor and had kind of sneered at him. It made Finn wish he'd had a lab coat. Still. Ari had taken care of it, and the Evil Bitch Monster at the desk had been polite enough when she'd let him on the elevator. A security officer had stepped up as well, but she'd waved him back and said, "Dr. Cormag does not require an escort, thank you." Finn had beamed at her while the elevator doors slid closed. He was pretty sure he wasn't going to be just dropping by for lunch very often. He went past Duncan's empty desk and through to Ari's inner office. "Hey," he said, stopping just inside the door, suddenly feeling awkward again. He knew Duncan. Duncan didn't know him. "Hey." Ari's smile was bright and warm as he stood up. "Finn, this is my admin, Duncan Crenshaw. Duncan, this is Finn Cormag." "Hello, doctor." Duncan stood up as well and smiled at him, offering his hand. "God, call me Finn, please." Finn flushed and shook Duncan's hand. "It's nice to meet you. Ari says he can't exist without you, you know." Ari blinked and then rolled his eyes, looking adorably exasperated. Duncan merely laughed and grinned at them both, clearly pleased with the compliment. "Finn, don't do that. He'll be asking for a raise if you tell him stuff like that." "He deserves a raise." Finn looked around and put his bag on the floor by the wall. "Sorry to just drop by like this -- I forgot to write down the number for your direct line before I left, or I would have called." He pulled out his shiny new cell phone. "We can program it in, though." Ari looked like he was going to choke when he saw the phone, but he merely nodded. "We can. Come on, eat with us. Duncan bought too much, so there's more than enough. Unless you went to that deli?"

Merge - 79

Finn smiled at Ari's attempt to fish for information and sat at the chair next to him. "I'm saving

that for another day. Maybe you can have lunch with me one day this week?"

"Maybe. If Duncan lets me leave. He's horribly cruel about keeping me where I belong, chained

to the desk or in the tender care of another admin when I'm in meetings."

Duncan snorted and picked up his sandwich. "Don't bring me into this, Ari. I have control over your date book, don't forget, and as you can't live without me..." Finn grinned as Duncan left them alone, closing the door behind him. "I like him."

"I like you." Ari was looking at him with twinkling eyes and there was very little doubt in Finn's

mind about what Ari was considering.

"I like you, too," he allowed, looking around the office. "How are the acoustics?"

"I have no idea. I've never done it in here before."

A thrill raced up Finn's spine and he set his lunch aside, forgotten. "Really. Never?"

"Never." Ari stood up and moved his chair back.

Finn stayed where he was, if only because the view was astounding. He absolutely adored being

at eye level with Ari's cock. "You'll just have to be quiet, then. Come here."

"Me?" Ari seemed a little startled.

"You." Finn didn't wait for Ari to get with the program, just reached out and pulled him the two

steps closer he needed to be, using his belt as a handy place to hold onto him. From there it was matter of merely flicking his wrist, and Ari's belt opened up. Ari tugged at the tail of his belt and helped out, coming around surprisingly fast. "Oh. I see." "You just work on being quiet, and I'll take care of this." Finn didn't even look up at Ari's face, just turned him slightly so Ari could lean the backs of his thighs on the table. His prick was a hard line in shiny silk boxers, stretching them out of shape and making a dark patch near the elastic waist. "I don't suppose you have a change of clothes here? Like for the gym or something?" "I have a complete change of clothes." Ari sounded a bit breathless, and Finn could see his fingers curl around the edge of the table, the knuckles white. "Just in case I spill my coffee or a pen explodes before a meeting or something. I often need to change in the middle of the day." "Good to know." Finn grinned, feeling like a wolf in a child's fairy tale. "Not that I want you to change your entire suit," he clarified.

Merge - 80

"No?" "You sound a little disappointed." "I'm not disappointed yet. But if you keep me here and don't actually do anything, I think I could get that way." As if to punctuate the sentiment, Ari's cock throbbed noticeably, the fabric tenting, and the hue of red flashed scarlet for a moment. Finn had to put a hand in his own lap, squeezing hard and rubbing just a tiny bit. He'd get off, he promised himself. Just not yet. No one was getting off yet. "Shh. I'll take care of you," he whispered. Then he leaned forward a little and started to mouth the tip of Ari's cock, over the silk. Ari gasped and his hips thrust forward. "That isn't going to keep me quiet." Snickering, Finn stopped and looked up at him. "I suggest you find something to bite down on, then." His lower lip caught between his teeth, Ari was looking down at him. Finn waited until Ari nodded, then he went back to what he was doing. The silk wet easily, and Finn made sure to get everywhere. He licked and sucked, pushing the fabric to cling to Ari's cock and slide only where he wanted it to, dragging the silk with his tongue. At the tip, right over the head of Ari's cock, he lingered and sucked until Ari was breathing harshly, whimpering in broken half-notes. "Please, Finn." The whisper was almost lost in the sound of shifting fabric. Ari had pushed forward enough that his trousers slid off his hips. Finn moaned, his own erection aching, and he forced himself to ignore the rising need inside of him. He wanted to turn Ari around and push him down over the table. He wanted to take him with a fierceness that as almost frightening, so he made himself back off, licking along Ari's cock with a delicacy that was a total lie. "Finn." The sound of pleading was sweet, heady like fine wine. Finn had never managed to tolerate wine, but he could grow insanely fond of hearing his name said in just that tone. "Show me," he said, leaning back in his chair. Before him, his legs splayed out, and he dropped his hand over his cock, over his jeans, and felt the heat bleed through. "Touch yourself." Ari shoved the wet silk out of the way and grasped himself with a shaking fist. The head of his prick was shiny, fluid making a perfect drop at the slit. Just as Ari's hand started to stroke, the phone rang.

Merge - 81

Ari didn't even swear, merely whimpered and began to turn, began the movement that would take him across the room. And Finn leaned forward again and took Ari's cock into his mouth, sucking hard. "Oh, fuck." Ari's hands tangled in Finn's hair and he thrust hard, twice and then a third time, rapidly in a staccato rhythm. By the time the phone finished its second ring he was coming in Finn's mouth, completely unable to move. Finn swallowed and licked and took as much of Ari's cock into his throat as he could, praying that Duncan would have the sense God gave a decent assistant and stay out. When the phone didn't ring a third time, he let Ari go and grinned up at him. "There you go." Ari was staring at him with huge eyes. "You would have tripped on your pants anyway," Finn explained. "I didn't have time to warn you." Ari blinked. "Are you all right?" Finn sat back in his chair and reached for his sandwich, ignoring the way his balls were tight and hot. If he even tried to get up his cock would rub on fabric and he'd be shooting. He didn't have a change of clothes in his bag, just his laptop. "Fine." Ari blinked around and looked down. "Oh, God." He looked back at the door and turned red, then stepped out of his shoes. "I'll be right back," he blurted, pulling up his trousers and heading for the bathroom. Finn grinned to himself, ate his lunch, and waited for his prick to get the idea that he was going to wait a while. It was going to be pretty amazing when he finally got what he wanted. And it wasn't going to happen over a table in an office. Ari's bed was far too big and comfortable to pass up. Ari changed his boxers, and by the time he came back, still slightly flushed but far less upset about coming while the phone rang, Finn had finished his lunch and pulled out his laptop. "What are you doing?" Ari asked, sitting back down to eat. "And don't think I didn't notice that there wasn't any desperate pleading to get off coming from you." "I'm going to get mine later." Finn winked at Ari and turned the laptop so they could both see the screen. "I assume you have wireless in the office?" Ari nodded and put down his spoon. "Of course." He tapped a few keys and used the trackpad, then leaned back again. "There you go. And are you going to tell me what you were doing this morning, and where you got that phone, and why you're here?"

Merge - 82

"Sure, Mom." Finn opened his browser and went to the page he wanted, ignoring the way Ari rolled his eyes. "I went to the library for a while. Then I realized I didn't have a cell phone, so I went to that department store by Fifth and Kelsey. The phone is crap, but it's cheap and I don't need anything fancy. I just need for you to be able to get a hold of me. It's pre-paid, so it's just a number. I can't have a contract for something better, what with the lack of ID." "I could get you a better phone," Ari offered as he finished off his soup. "Sure. But you got me a cheap phone and that's great for now." Finn leaned over and kissed him fast. "Trust me. This is good." "How was the library?" Ari asked the question with so much studied casualness that Finn thought the people in the cheap seats would start complaining about how over the top the acting was. "Do you mean how close did I come to losing my breakfast?" Finn thought he was a better actor. He had to be, really; it would be hard to be worse. Still, the way Ari looked at him, he thought maybe it was understood that it hadn't been as good as the walk in the park. "It was fine." Ari nodded thoughtfully and leaned back, his tie sliding over his shirt. "Why don't you hang out here for the afternoon?" Finn rolled his eyes and looked through news headlines. "Because you're working, maybe?" "I just have a video conference and some routine stuff. You can stay here at the table and surf and make notes. Do whatever. Raid my office supplies." Finn thought about the silence of the house and the noise and press of the library, full of people who were tense with studying for tests or there to escape something or hurrying through their errands, and the sickly green illness of despair coming from the young woman behind the door of the fourth study carrel, and nodded. "Yeah, okay. If you and Duncan don't mind." Ari looked pleased, or at the very least relieved. "Excellent." "Can we drive past that address on the way home?" He thought maybe it would be an idea to see if Michael Trapp was around. "Sure, I don't see why not. Anything new in the news since this morning?" Finn scrolled down to the bottom of his current screen and shook his head. "There's nothing at all in the mainstream media about it, and the more... uh, colorful news agencies are still trying to turn it into a conspiracy. There's some noise about how long the people can be held before they have to be released, and that's jacking everything up. It would help if someone in authority would just say outright that they didn't ship these people to terrorist holding facilities."

Merge - 83

"Ah, but that would make sense and be somewhat transparent. This kind of thing -- assuming anyone has a clue what really happened -- can't be made general knowledge, so the only alternative is to bury it." Ari's eyebrows drew together. "I just hope they don't bury the people, too." With a shudder, Finn kept looking, ready to copy any information he found into his files, not sure what would fit his puzzle and what wouldn't. So he kept almost all of it. Just in case.

Merge - 84

Chapter Fourteen

At the end of the work day Ari was a little startled to turn from his desk and find Finn sitting at the table, peering at his computer screen and still making notes on a pad of paper. He'd been extremely quiet, and Ari could have sworn that Finn hadn't moved from his place all afternoon. If he'd moved, Ari would have noticed him and remembered he was there.

"Almost done?" Ari asked as he stood up and stretched. The small of his back was aching; it

always did when someone asked a stupid question and he wound up on a video conference for

far longer than he liked.

"Uh-huh." Finn didn't look up, merely raised a hand, waved at him, and kept on going. "Almost."

Ari knew the look. He'd invented the look. He'd spend years wearing the look. Finn would keep

going until his body rebelled and his need for food or sleep gave him a headache so bad he'd fall

into bed. Unless, of course, something better than work was offered up.

"So I was thinking," Ari said casually as he put on his suit jacket. "We have dinner at home,

right?"

"Uh-huh." Finn's fingers typed away. "Some... uh, some pasta and that meat sauce thing. Or vegetable stir-fry." Oh, okay. He was at least paying attention to the words. That was good.

Ari nodded at the door as Duncan waved good night. He waited until he heard the outer door

closed and said, "You still want to stop by that address and see if Michael Trapp is at home?"

"Uh-huh." Type. Type. Type.

"I was thinking that maybe after that we could just skip supper for a while."

"Sure." Finn stopped typing, but he was peering intently at the screen, the tip of his tongue

tucked in at the corner of his mouth. "Whatever you want, honey."

"Cool." Ari turned off his own computer and made sure the coffee maker wasn't on. "So, we'll go

by the address, head home, and go to bed, right? So you can fuck me?"

Merge - 85

Finn made a choked noise, turned so fast his chair dragged on the carpet and stared at him. "Pardon?" Ari tilted his head and adjusted his jacket. "What part confused you?" "None! Not confused." Finn shut his computer and tossed his pen into his bag, packing up fast. "You're a genius." "It's been mentioned before," Ari said modestly. He smirked and led Finn from the office, eyeing the way Finn's jeans were fitting. "Do you run?" "Only if I have to. Why?" Ari raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly at Finn's ass. Then he laughed as Finn blushed. "Sorry." "You really need to behave at least until we get to the car," Finn told him. "And it would be helpful if you waited until we got home to really turn on the charm. You got sucked off at lunch, and I haven't come since you left me in bed this morning. Also, I really do want to see this Trapp person." Ari laughed and nodded. "Okay. I'll be good." "I have no doubt." Finn's voice was a little rough, and that alone made Ari behave. Of course, it also made his anticipation kick up a notch. Luck was either with them or dead against them, and Ari wasn't sure which it was, when they drove to the address Blake had left. "I'm pretty sure that's it," Ari said as he eased the car up to the curb. The neighborhood was nice, with tidy houses and mowed lawns, mature trees in most yards. It was an older area, likely full of people who were about to retire or young couples in their twenties just into their first mortgages. There weren't any broken windows, and the few flags Ari could see on front lawns or from porch banisters were well kept. Nothing frayed in this neighborhood, apparently, and Ari would have put money on the people knowing who their neighbors were. "He doesn't seem to be home," Finn said, looking at Trapp's house. There was a lettered sign, the name carved into wood and neatly hung by the front door. Trapp. The outside light was on, even though it wasn't dark yet, and the front step was littered with several days' worth of newspapers. "I wonder why a neighbor hasn't picked those up." Ari mused. That many papers out front were an invitation to a burglar.

Merge - 86

"Do you think maybe we should?" Finn was leaning close, his eyes speculative. "We should check his mailbox, too. Make sure that there isn't anything he'd hate to have stolen in there." Ari turned his head and gave Finn a flat look. "Or maybe not." Finn sighed and sat back. "Okay. We know the address is at least a house, which is what we knew from a map. And we know that the man himself is out and about. God, I wish Blake had told me what was going on. What he was doing, why Michael Trapp is important. You know. Filled me in on all the little details that were apparently too dangerous to know in Alpha but I bet were stupidly helpful to have over here." Ari pulled away from the curb and put his hand on Finn's thigh. "I know it's frustrating," he said softly. "I wish I could help more." Finn's hand covered his own. "You are helping. God, you're helping so much. I can't even begin to tell you --" "Don't." Ari smiled at him and squeezed his leg. "You really don't have to. I know." "Do you?" He asked it so seriously that Ari had to pay attention, had to give an honest answer. "I know that you're grateful," Ari said carefully. "And I know that you and I have something between us that should scare the hell out of me. I know that I should be terrified that I'm as attached to you -- as attracted to you, and as involved with you -- as I am. But I'm not. I feel right with you. Confident and happy, and I want to help you. And I know that you didn't have anywhere else to turn, so it's a damn good thing I'm as into you as I am." He finished with a grin, turning the tone of the conversation before he could get too sappy, before he could say too much. Finn smiled at him again and nodded. "Were you serious about wanting me? When we get home?" Ari's eyebrow shot up. "You don't want to fuck me?" "More than anything." Finn looked down, into his lap, and pulled Ari's hand there. "See?" Ari squeezed and felt his own skin flush and get hot. He wanted that. He wanted that inside him, and he wanted it any way Finn would give it. "I see." He was unsurprised at how tight his voice was. "God." Finn moved his hand away, but not before Ari heard his breath catch. "You know, sometimes I like a long tease and a lot of build up." Ari nodded and made himself put both hands on the steering wheel. "Me, too. But not this time?"

Merge - 87

"This time, it doesn't seem to be needed and could possibly be a very good example of cruel and unusual punishment. And I didn't even do anything to be punished for." Ari smiled and kept his eyes on the road. "What do you suggest, then? I don't think I can actually stop thinking about it, and I doubt very much that I'll forget or become... um. Relaxed." Finn snorted and shifted his legs around restlessly. "Right. I can't see that happening, either. But perhaps we can listen to the radio or something and just... not touch each other a lot until we get home." "Good idea." Ari turned on the stereo and had a momentary debate about leaving it on the CD player or switching to commercial radio. "What would you like to listen to?" "Anything at all, really. I've been poking through your music at the house; it's close to what's at home, but, of course, most of the songs are different. The same styles and themes seem to be popular, though." "Really?" Ari asked curiously. He left the volume down low and thought about that. "What about artists? Any duplication there?" "Most of the classical composers, like Bach and Mozart. Elvis. John Lennon. I can't really tell you about anyone current; we make a point of not knowing unless it's something we simply can't avoid, like political figures. Entertainment is pretty highly regulated, and I've been focused on... uh, other things." Ari flushed and smiled. "You know, I never used to blush." "It's very cute." "Shush. Listen to the nice music and just behave." Ari kept smiling as he drove them home, circling the downtown area and trying to avoid traffic snarls as the business district emptied out into the suburbs. He wasn't driving that far out, and with a bit of attention he got through the worst of it with ease. "Home sweet home," Finn murmured as they pulled into the garage and Ari pushed the remote control to close the door behind them. "Supper first?" Ari asked as he shut off the engine. Finn gave him a flat look. "Just thought I'd offer." Finn nodded. "That's very polite of you, yes. Thank you. Now, can we please go inside?"

Merge - 88

Ari got out and waited while Finn got his bag from the backseat. He hadn't made it to "relaxed," but he was further away from "about to come in his pants," which was good. He had a feeling that he really wanted Finn to take his time. He wanted to enjoy this. Finn, Ari was sure, wanted to enjoy it. And maybe rushing through it -or even rushing to get to it -- was a mistake. Finn shouldered his bag and followed Ari into the kitchen, not crowding him. He was close enough that Ari could touch him, but not so close that they were sharing body heat. Missing that, Ari glanced at Finn's face to see if he was all right, and saw both eagerness and subtle pleasure already there, expressed in the curve of his lips and the gentle way he was looking back at Ari. It was odd, that tenderness being so obvious and clearly honest, when Finn's body was also displaying a very impressive eagerness. Ari's mouth went dry and he had to swallow, not sure if the dryness was because of the look on Finn's face or because of the strength of the man's erection. "Come on," Finn said softly, taking his hand. "I want to do this properly." "Properly?" Finn nodded and glanced at him as they walked through the house to the stairs. "Properly," he confirmed. "Not in the kitchen, not up against a wall. We'll get to that, I'm sure -- hell, I hope -but this time... the first time." He lifted his chin and indicated the upstairs. "This time it's going to be properly." Ari's said nothing and followed him up the stairs, sure that Finn's definition of "properly" was going to involve a lot of time and possibly more than the usual number of orgasms. He hoped that the first set would happen quickly. Outside the office door, Ari waited while Finn put his bag away, and he even waited without complaint when Finn looked thoughtful for a moment and then unpacked the bag. The laptop was put on the desk and the notebook placed on top of it, and then Finn put his satchel in the closet. "Sorry," Finn said as he came back to take Ari's hand. "I didn't mean to draw this out, I just..." "It's okay." Ari thought he might know. He lifted Finn's hand to his mouth and kissed each finger. "Properly can sometimes take a bit of time to get yourself ready not to rush." "Are you ready not to rush?" Finn's voice was steady but low, and Ari found himself tracing the tip of Finn's middle finger with his tongue. "Perhaps." Ari did it again, swirling his tongue delicately over the pad. "I'm really not sure."

Merge - 89

"We can find out, then." Carefully, precisely, Finn moved his hand away from Ari's mouth and started walking them down the hall to the bedroom. "And if you're not, you're not. But we can get that way." "You're not going to suggest we take turns in the bathroom and meet in bed, are you? That would be far too settled and middle-aged, and, honestly, I'm not sure if I'd do that, even for you." Finn smiled slowly, the corner of his mouth twisting up to form a crooked, rakish grin that Ari hadn't seen before. "You're babbling." He sounded pleased. Ari made himself stop talking before he could point out that not only was he babbling, but his heart was racing, his cock was throbbing, and his breath was coming faster and faster. He was incredibly turned on, as much by the idea that Finn wanted to take his time and slow things down while turning things up as he was by the thought of finally, after hours and days, getting Finn inside of him. "Wasn't supposed to be this far in, this fast," he whispered as they cleared the bedroom door. "Sorry," Finn whispered back insincerely, not looking away, his mouth close enough that his breath brushed Ari's cheek. "No, you're not." Ari's heart pounded. His palms itched to touch, to strip Finn's clothes off and then his own. His arms ached to throw them both on the bed where they could writhe and roll. But he remained still, soaking up the feeling of Finn there with him, not touching. Not yet. "No, I'm not." Finn's lips skimmed across Ari's cheek. "I'm not sorry at all." His hands came to rest on Ari's hips, heavy and solid, the heat sinking in and warming Ari through to his bones. "Kiss me." It was an invitation, not an order, despite the lack of question in the tone, and Ari turned his face a few degrees. He'd thought that just maybe he'd fall into the kiss and that would lead to tasting and moaning and they'd wind up on the bed, rocking like mad, but instead it was... a kiss. A long, gentle kiss, with Finn's mouth covering his for a second that went on and on, and then Finn was pulling away, his face slightly flushed. "More," Ari said before he could stop himself. He was beginning to feel drugged, wanting and covered in cotton at the same time. His senses were ramped up, but they were being starved of sensation to feed upon. Finn didn't say anything, but he did kiss Ari again, his tongue licking a tiny bit at Ari's lower lip. Ari found himself holding onto Finn's shoulders -- not clinging, God, no. Never clinging -- and he'd made his way deeper into Finn's kiss before he even noticed that Finn was undoing his shirt buttons. Ari knew that neither of them was a stranger to undressing men, lovers. He'd been undressed before, carefully, carelessly, violently, romantically, efficiently. He'd had the process take so long he'd grown bored, and he'd watched hands fumble with buttons because of both nerves and

Merge - 90

drink. He'd never, ever, come close to orgasm from watching a button slip out of its hole and a finger brushing over his skin before. He gasped as his knees shook and held on tighter to Finn's shoulders. "Finn." "Shh. I've got you." Finn held him up, held him close and whispered in his ear as fingers steadily undid more buttons. "I know. It's okay; I have you. Take a breath. I'll take care of you." Ari would have blushed if he hadn't felt so safe, so completely okay. He took the breath that Finn suggested and made himself stand straight, made himself find the self-control that had almost slipped away. "You're amazing," he whispered, kissing Finn again and winding his arm around Finn's neck. He could feel Finn's smile as they kissed. When the shirt was unbuttoned and the tie removed, Finn once more held Ari's hips and guided his movements, back to the bed and then to sitting on the edge. Finn followed him down and kissed him. "I think you can deal with your shoes," he teased, smiling as he worked at Ari's belt. "I can do the whole serving boy routine when we're looking for games to spice things up. You know. About a million years from now." Ari laughed and nodded, already using the toe of one shoe on the heel of the other. "Things seem pretty spicy as it is." When he got his shoes off he reached out and tugged Finn's T-shirt free of his jeans. He'd meant to slowly slide it up, touching and caressing as he went, but Finn merely lifted it off his body, flicking it away like it was nothing before he went back to relieving Ari of his pants. "Hey." Ari made a grab at Finn's wrists and held them loosely. "You don't get to do that. There's two of us here." Finn's eyes widened for a moment and then he smiled, nodding. "Of course." He apologized with a kiss, a tiny little delicate kiss that tasted of sincerity, and waited until Ari let go of his wrists to go back to his work. They traded tasks like they were caresses, helping each other, teasing ever so slightly; Ari had the impression that he was teasing a bit more than Finn was, his hands drawn time and time again to the inside of Finn's thigh and to the soft skin there, sparse hairs fading away to none. Finn seemed to know that Ari would likely not be able to stand that kind of tease, and was holding back a bit. However, the kisses didn't stop, and the touch of Finn's hands was firm, but there were no drawn out stokes over hot skin too near Ari's groin. Ari couldn't remember a time he'd been so fevered, so caught, although he suspected it had been the last time Finn had touched him.

Merge - 91

Finally, when Ari's breath was coming in ragged gasps that hurt his throat and chest, Finn laid him back on the bed and stretched out next to him. "Are you going to be able to stay with me through this?" he asked softly, apparently serious. Ari shook his head. "I don't think so, no." He was sweating, he could feel it. He knew there were drops standing out on his forehead, and he knew that the slip and slither of fabric that he could hear was no longer from clothing being shifted and removed but from the way his feet were shuffling restlessly on the bed. He could feel the pool of fluid on his belly, leaking from his cock. "You're so beautiful," Finn whispered. He was lying next to Ari, looking at him, drinking him in until Ari was pretty sure that he'd just vanish, pulled right into Finn's body and heart through his eyes. It was odd, wanting to both pose and artfully display himself, and also to hide, as if his imperfections would be seen at any moment and Finn would turn from him. "I'm not," he tried to say, but the words didn't come out of his mouth. They stuck in his throat as he watched Finn's face, saw the radiance and the devotion glimmering there, actually saw how much Finn really believed that. He was beautiful to Finn, and that was all that mattered. To deny it would be to insult, to diminish, and that simply couldn't happen. "You're amazing," Finn went on, his voice coarse and a little scratchy as his breathing wavered. "So much more intense than I'd realized." He was looking at Ari's chest as he spoke, his eyes too bright, as if drugged. He moved slowly, and long before his tongue touched the tip of Ari's nipple, Ari had reacted. Ari's back arched, just a little, and his nipple peaked under the warmth. Hard and hot and tight, the skin puckered and lifted, and Ari whimpered, his hands curling into fists in the sheets. "Shh." Finn's fingers found Ari's and pried them off the sheet, made him flex his hand and stretch out aching ligaments. "That's it. It's okay." "That's fine for you to say," Ari protested, his breath coming in shallow pants, his chest aching with the need to heave. He was tense, wired, completely spellbound, and unable to form a coherent thought. He was holding on tight, and he didn't know what for. For Finn. He was holding on for Finn. Everything had to be perfect, for Finn. Teeth scraped across his nipple and Ari gasped. His cock lifted and spat more fluid, which dripped and seared his belly. "Finn. God, please." "Please," Finn echoed, the note of longing precise and like a chime. "Ari, please. Show me." Ari arched again, both back and neck, and climaxed in a long, shuddering wave. Come streaked over his belly and chest, filling the air with the smell of sex, and he could only hang on and hope that Finn was getting what he wanted.

Merge - 92

"God, so beautiful." Finn sounded almost reverential, and Ari opened his eyes to see Finn wipe his own cheek with his thumb. Glistening on the pad was Ari's come, and Finn watched Ari's face as he licked it off. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever met." Ari, breathless, could only stare. "You don't even know, do you?" Finn went on, almost conversationally. He couldn't quite pull off the utter calm of normal conversation, not with the way he was breathing, not with the way his cock was so hard, so flushed, so goddamn insistent along Ari's thigh. But almost. Ari licked his lips. "I know you think so," he whispered. "I know you believe it. And that's enough. I want to see you like this again, Finn. I want to roll over one morning, and see you there, looking at me with just as much joy. I want to be worthy of it." Finn nodded seriously, his gaze never leaving Ari's as he rose up and moved. "I think you'll always be worthy," he said. "It's not in you to be anything but who you are. And who you are is amazing." "You keep saying that." Ari's control felt brittle, jagged on the edges like he'd slip and cut himself on how perfect he had to be in order to be what Finn saw. "I'll keep meaning it." And then, without Ari being surprised or even really noticing, slippery-cool fingers were opening him, Finn between his legs and sitting back on his own heels. Indelicately draped over strong thighs that should have been on a runner, Ari's legs were spread wide, his whole body moving in welcome. It was easier than ever before. It was more right than ever before, and that included all the desperate, up against the wall, on the couch, falling to the floor times that he just knew he was going to actually die if he didn't get into that ass or get that cock into him. All the desperation and lust in the world was nothing against this slow, sweet, utterly devastating possession that was going on right then in his bed. There was no way in hell he was going to blurt out words right then. Not with fingers in his ass. Not with Finn's cock standing proud and demanding. Not with Finn's mouth drawn into a grin that wasn't really a smile but more teeth gritting against the urge to plunge. He could wait. Ari could wait until he could make sure Finn would hear him and know it was true. So, instead of truth, Ari said the other thing, the also true thing, the thing that they could both go with and the thing they both expected and knew to be completely true. Between one gasp and one moan Ari closed his eyes and whispered, "Finn, fuck me. God, please, just... just get in me and let me feel you. Please."

Merge - 93

It was Finn's turn to whimper, but the harsh sound had barely faded before the rustle and tear and crinkle of foil and latex took over, the sounds completely familiar within the sea of newness. "That's it," Ari coaxed. He reached, caught his legs behind his knees and watched greedily as Finn rolled the condom on. "Damn. You're big." Finn huffed a laugh and had the grace to blush. "I'll try not to --" "You finish that thought, you better be kidding." "-- make you scream too loud." Finn grinned at him and stroked his cock, once. "Yeah, I'm kidding. Yell all you want." "I would if you'd ever hurry up and fuck me already." This was good, too. Not even easier and not better, but good. Fun and familiar, and it didn't change the feelings at all. Ari pulled his knees up and bared himself. "I won't break." It might possibly have been the one taunt too many. Finn made a noise that could have been a groan or a grunt and his hand tightened around his dick. He didn't move for a long moment, and when he did it was to lean forward, his eyes wide. "Hang on," he ordered. Ari was going to ask Finn what he was supposed to hang on to, but then his world narrowed and expanded as Finn pushed in and took over everything again. "Oh, fuck!" "Hurt?" Finn froze, and Ari could see tendons standing out on his neck, his shoulders bunched and tight. "God, no. You feel amazing!" He did. Huge and hard and hot and so, so perfect. "Fuck me. Hard." Finn panted and shook his head, his eyes wide open. "I won't last." "I don't care!" Ari was almost quivering. "I'll beg. I'll yell and I'll scream and I'll squeeze you tight, milk your cock and --" He was cut off by a guttural cry and Finn pounding into him. Finn hadn't being lying -- not that Ari thought he had been, the man hadn't gotten off since morning and Ari was two up on him -- and he fucked furiously for a handful of strokes before freezing again. Ari laughed, completely and utterly charmed as he felt Finn coming in hard, pulsing jerks. "Next time," he whispered, reaching up to pull Finn into a kiss. "Next time, I'm going to blow you first so you can do that for ages." As far as Ari was concerned, he'd just made the plans for their Tuesday night. It was looking like a good week.

Merge - 94

Chapter Fifteen

Finn graciously allowed Ari to take the first shower on Tuesday morning. After all, he didn't have to get out of bed to make it to the office, so he could stay right were he was and not be in Ari's way. Of course, the fact that he was pretty much physically exhausted from spending most of the night proving to Ari that he could hold it longer than a minute was playing a major part in his lethargy. It had been worth it, though. God, had it. Finn smiled and rolled onto his back, the blankets making a warm, Ari-smelling cocoon around him. It had been worth every minute of lost sleep, every minute of... everything. He could feel the ache in his muscles, his thighs especially. Really, he was a bit surprised that Ari had made it out of bed without moaning. Smirking to himself, Finn snuggled down in the bed and wrapped his hand around his morning erection as he replayed a few memories from the night before. There were a lot of them to choose from. "Self-abuse this early in the morning? After last night? I think I'm a little horrified." Finn grinned and opened one eye to watch Ari get dressed. "You didn't get off in the shower?" "I did not. Mostly because I'm afraid that, if I let go of anymore bodily fluids before I have breakfast, I'll get faint. The stir-fry was excellent, but it was a long, long time ago." Ari grinned back at Finn and came over to collect a kiss as he buttoned up his shirt. "What are your plans for the day? Going out again?" Finn struggled to sit up properly in the bed, the sheets pooling around his waist. "I'm not sure." He watched Ari finish dressing, the tail of his shirt still out as he found his shoes and went to find a tie. "I'm going to start with the Internet again, see if any of those people have been released yet, and, if so, what they're saying. There's no way that many people can all be convinced to keep quiet. I would like to go somewhere. Kind of... test my filters, if that makes sense. I won't ever be able to control them if I don't start practicing." Ari nodded and knotted his tie. "How was it at the office, by the way? Duncan? And in the lobby. Did you have any trouble?"

Merge - 95

"Well, Duncan was fine. He's a pretty calm guy, and I seem to be getting used to you -- unless you're really emoting, I have to sort of go looking for you." "Really? That's fantastic." Ari looked pleased and relieved. He came and sat on the edge of the bed, one of his hands finding Finn's. "That means you can adjust. That's great news, isn't it?" "It is. Plus, you don't have to worry about me accidentally eavesdropping on your emotions. Or, you know. Being a bastard and eavesdropping on purpose." Ari laughed and nodded, his expression rueful. "I won't lie, the thought had occurred to me. Way back at the beginning. You know, before the weekend." Finn would have been very surprised if it hadn't, and he appreciated that Ari was upfront with him about it. "I'll do my very, very best not ever to take advantage of it," he said softly, rubbing the back of Ari's hand with his thumb. "But I can't say I'm never ever going to check up on you. Call it... my special way of making sure you're healthy. Stress, worry... if I see you having it, I'll try to help." "You're going to take care of me?" Ari asked, smiling slightly, his head tilted to one side and his eyes serious. "I'm going to do my best to make your life good and rich and full," Finn told him, just as seriously. To his surprise, Ari nodded sharply. Decisively. Then he leaned forward, kissed Finn gently and took the hand he was holding in a slightly firmer grip. "What color is love?" Ari whispered, bringing Finn's hand up between them and laying it over Ari's heart. Finn swallowed hard, his eyes blinking rapidly. He looked for the colors and said, "Sea foam with gold. Red, fading to pink. It's beautiful." "Good." Ari kissed him again, minty fresh and clean, then eased away. "I have to go to work. Call me if you need anything or if you get out around too many people and need a hand." Finn nodded, stunned and giddy and not trusting himself to speak. "I will," he finally managed. "I have your office number in my phone." Ari smiled at him and winked, then started to leave. "Have a good day, sweetie." "I love you," Finn blurted. "Love you, too." Ari flashed him a brilliant smile and walked out, whistling. ***

Merge - 96

Finn more or less floated down the stairs after his own shower and made a fresh pot of coffee while his computer booted up. In the background he had the news going on the television, although he'd given up on getting anything actually useful that way. Mostly, it was there for noise and, he hoped, to help him adjust to what the world was like when there were about six times more people in it than he was used to. He was getting a little more proficient with sorting information, he thought. He was a scientist, after all, and was used to finding things out and putting other bits of data into categories, and he knew how to at least temporarily dismiss parts of what he was reading while still keeping it in a type of holding cell of information at the back of his mind. It was getting a little backlogged in there, though, so he started yet another spreadsheet and yet another notebook and began sorting, noting, qualifying, and quantifying. Every link he clicked on the computer sent him to three more, and within a couple of hours he was finding the information overlapping and repeating and was able to scroll through pages and pages of text and images, stopping automatically at anything new. He might have missed a portion, but if he did, it was small, and someone else would have it for him to find. At lunch he took a break and walked around the neighborhood. It was a fantastic day, and he took a full hour to just wander, his cell phone in his pocket in case he needed it and thirty dollars in his wallet. He thought maybe he'd get a pair of sunglasses, but he didn't walk far enough to find a store. Home again, he got the left over stir-fry out of the fridge and finally noticed the note stuck there telling him that the house cleaners were coming on Wednesday. Finn had always vaguely wondered how Ari kept the house so clean when he was never really home. Now he knew. Now he needed to make plans to be out of there, mostly because being in the house while strangers cleaned around him was just creepy. Finn took his lunch to the office desk and ate while he clicked around a bit more, going down his folder of news sources that tended to handle things that were offbeat and strange and possibly not true at all. Between chewing a bite of broccoli and opening his mouth for the beef that was on the fork, Finn loaded one of the sites that dealt with the more original presentation of facts and froze. Mouth open, fork suspended, he sat as still as stone and read for two minutes. Then he put the fork down, swallowed his mushy broccoli, and called Ari. "Ari Sloan's office, this is Duncan. How may I help you?" Duncan sounded efficient and professional, just as he always did when he wasn't teasing Ari. It brought Finn back to earth, which was a good thing. It wouldn't do to start babbling about people being sent home en mass with tales of going into space. Or being drugged by their friends, as several of the people from New York were saying. The Spanish crowd all seemed to be denying that anything at all

Merge - 97

happened, including the fact that they'd been taken to America. They merely blinked and shook their heads and said that there had to have been a mistake. It would be very bad form to babble all of that at Duncan.

Finn took a breath and stood up, pacing the room as he spoke. "Duncan, hi. It's Finn. Is Ari

available for a three-minute phone call?"

"I'm sure he is for you," Duncan said with a polite laugh. "You don't want him to make a new budget or approve a project wholesale that's only in the idea stages." Finn winced. "Sounds like I should make sure there's dessert tonight."

"Or a nice bottle of wine. I'm putting you on hold, Finn, he'll take the call in his office. Have a

good day."

"You, too. Thanks." Finn kept pacing, but on his return trip to the door he kept on going, right down the stairs. "Finn, hi." Ari's voice was warm and happy. "What's up?"

"All kinds of things, really." Finn went into the kitchen and started poking through cabinets.

"Where do you keep your wine?"

"In the wine fridge, of course. Why, what's wrong? You need a drink? There's spirits in the

cupboard by the back door. Are you all right?" Ari sounded worried.

"I'm fine," Finn assured him, looking around. "You seriously have a wine fridge? Duncan said

you're having a hard day."

"It's no rougher than normal. See the dishwasher? Two cupboards down, to the right. Looks like

a normal door but --"

"Whoa, that's cool!" Finn looked into the half-sized fridge and grinned. "Nice stash."

"I like it. So, I'm okay, you're okay. Wanna have phone sex?"

Finn shook his head and closed the door on the wine. "No," he said with a laugh. "But maybe

next week. Oh, hey, maybe tomorrow while I'm out of the house. The cleaners will be here,

you'll be at your office, and I'll be in some little tea house somewhere. I'll go off to the bathroom

and call you up and we can talk dirty. It'll be phone sex with a side of public sex. I'm getting

hard."

"You are so weird." Ari sounded delighted.

Merge - 98

Finn grinned and palmed himself. "Oh, right. I called for a reason, by the way. The people were released. Sometime last night. They're all just making their way home and online now. I'm going to need to figure out how to save all this information and how to create a secure anonymous identity. You know as well as I do that these people are going to be watched by whoever's in charge. I don't want them finding me." There was a long silence, and finally Ari said, "I don't either." His voice was grim, his tone completely changed. "For today, promise you'll just click and read. A lot of people will be, so you'll slip under any radar. Do not post, anywhere, to anyone. No e-mailing them, leaving blog comments, nothing." "I know." Finn resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Hey, guess what. I can't feel you over the phone." There was no color, no feeling, just perceptions based on Ari's tone of voice and what language he used. "It's so normal. I think I love it a little." Ari's laugh was startled. "I love you a little. So be good and be there when I get home, okay?" "You know it. Love you back. See you later, honey." "Later. Bye." Finn hung up and stood in the kitchen, grinning at the phone. Ari loved him. And he had a new source of raw data. Life was good.

Merge - 99

Chapter Sixteen

Life remained good over the next few weeks, if one modified Finn's definition of "A Good Life For Finn" to include increasing frustration over people's inability to at least share the same story to a slight degree and a new-found appreciation for true crime television shows about unsolved mysteries and forensics. Ari didn't even seem to mind that the laptop had taken up a new home in the bedroom at night, so Finn could surf and make faces at the computer while Ari read more traditional paperbacks before they turned out the light for the night. It had only taken Finn and Ari a couple of days to realize that Finn probably wouldn't have to say anything to anyone online in order to get the information he was after. It seemed to be a universal fact that people liked to talk, and they liked to be popular, and when they'd been taken away mysteriously there was bound to be several hundred other people hanging around to ask every questions conceivable -- and a few that weren't. All Finn had to do was stay online, make sure he kept decent records of who was saying what, and make a nice little map in his notes. He tried doing it on a spreadsheet, but as the information came flooding in as more and more of the people came online to talk about what they'd seen and where they'd been, he was having trouble getting a look at the big picture. So he went back to the living room, took down the paintings, and started sticking index cards to the wall. A lot of them, more and more every day that first week. "It doesn't make a lot of sense yet," he said to Ari about two days into the venture. "There were between three hundred and fifty people and just under five hundred, depending on the source. There's language barriers, and, frankly, I'm really thinking that not a few of them were a bit crazy. They're all saying different things, and then there's the lot who aren’t saying anything at all, to the point of denying that they went anywhere." Ari sat on a chair and sipped a glass of wine, his legs stretched out in front of him. "You told me once that sometimes the people we call crazy here, the ones who talk to themselves, are really talking to people in Alpha." "True." Finn made a note and stuck it on an index card, then slapped colored sticky flags on several more cards already on the wall. "Good point. I'll look into it. The ones who frustrate me, in terms of finding out what happened, are the ones who are online doing the cyber equivalent of

Merge - 100

the polite blank stare. I mean, why go online at all if you're going to deny you were taken away by officials when your picture is on the Internet showing exactly that? Seriously, they could have just stayed offline instead." "Are they calling the others liars?" "No." Finn frowned and moved a few cards around. "No one is saying anyone is lying. Which is interesting, because none of them are saying the same thing. It's like they all just kind of nod and smile and carry on." Ari frowned, too. "Like they all experienced something different?" "But they couldn't have." That didn't make any sense at all, especially if they were all part of one organization, as had originally been thought. Between just didn't have that much variety, no matter where they went in, and Finn could only assume that the Department of Security had handled all the groups the same. "It doesn't make sense for them to have different experiences to the degree they're describing." "Well, no." Ari nodded and settled back in his chair, sipping wine again. "But it's early yet. How many are online that you've been able to find?" "Only about fifty or so." Finn looked at his index cards and rolled his shoulders. "You're right. It's early. They're coming back, they're going online, and every conspiracy theorist around is talking to them. God, the Internet is amazing. You can find anything." "But you can't get laid." Ari wiggled his eyebrows and pointed at his lap. "You know, watching you play with information is a bit of turn on." Finn snorted and dropped his cards onto the table. "I can take a hint," he said, going to kneel between Ari's legs. "Especially such an obvious one. You just drink your wine, and I'll take care of this." "You're amazing." "I know." And Finn set out to prove it, again. *** The Internet and cable television could provide Finn with many things, and Ari was good about providing him with many more. Aside from the warm bed and the healthy food, Ari loved him, and that was good. They were definitely having a fantastic time expressing that to each other in various ways all over the house and once in the car when they took a Sunday drive and stopped at a little rest area off the highway.

Merge - 101

But spending all of his time charting the people who'd come back from Between, a number that had risen to just under two hundred and stayed there for five or six days, and then taking breaks to watch a lot of television, wasn't helping Finn learn to filter at all. It was time to get out and practice. They started small. Finn took cabs here and there, mostly to parks and to quiet places like museums. If things got intense in the dinosaur exhibits, he could scoot off to the Etruscan pottery. It surprised him how few people got excited about Etruscan pottery, really. After a while he got braver and asked Ari to help him out with places that would be calm but have more people around. "It seems to be a volume issue," he said, stirring cream into the soup he was making one evening. "I think it's a matter of getting used to filtering out more and more sounds, just doing it until it's second nature. Blake was right in that knowing how to filter is a help. But I think he underestimated how tough the change to filtering emotions would be in an adult. If he's always done it, and merely modified the filters he was taught as a matter of course when he was young, then he's doing a lot of it on instinct." "But it can be done?" Ari was leaning on the counter, watching him cook. He did that a lot, apparently fascinated by the process. The kitchen was even developing a bit of personality as Finn brought things in, like herbs to dry in the window. Getting the herbs had been an adventure -- one very short trip into a busy Saturday morning market had underlined both how far he'd come with his filters and how far he had left to go. He hadn't been ill, though, and the headache had faded quickly as they drove away. A hot shower and a cup of tea later, he was perfectly fine and wanting to go back to the market to try again. There had been some really wonderful art on display that he wanted to see. Ari, however, had put his foot down quite firmly about how many headaches Finn was allowed to have over the course of a weekend and had taken to him bed instead as a distraction. "It can be done," Finn said, nodding. "I know it can. I'm doing it. I just need to get out where there are more people and do it regularly." "You can come to work with me." Finn snorted. "You really like those under-the-desk blowjobs." "Yes." "No." Finn leaned over and kissed him. "But you can take me out for dinner. Somewhere large. Not noisy in the volume sense, but... big. Lots of tables. No kids, please. They get really cranky really fast and the goal is to turn everyone into background noise. Background music, if I can manage it." "I'll make reservations for tomorrow," Ari promised him, taking another kiss.

Merge - 102

So they'd gone to dinner, which had been wonderful and calm and soothing, even though Finn was in a room with perhaps eighty other people, and then they'd come home to poke around online, go to bed with a true crime show on TV, and celebrate Finn's success. It was a pattern they kept building upon, not unlike Finn's index cards. The cards had finally been sorted into neat stacks and entered into the computer, the stories the people had told had been collected into documents that Finn spent his days indexing and cross referencing, and the stack of missing persons television shows Finn recorded piled up until Ari realized he was beginning to know the names of some of the people. "So, what are you going to do with all of this?" he asked Finn one Saturday morning. They were in the office, fresh out of bed. Finn had thought that Ari was going to take a shower, and apparently he'd started in that direction, as he was stark naked. "Hi there!" Finn grinned and put down the binder of notes he'd been holding. "Hi, yourself." Ari smirked and reached for him. "So, what's the next step?" "Sex?" "Of course. But I meant with the research." Finn nuzzled Ari's neck and smiled. "I know. I'm actually doing about five Internet database searches at the moment -- one on every browser we have. I'm making a list of places and names to print out, the missing people in assorted local areas over the last fifty years or so. I want to see if any of the places they vanished from are near where the last mass exodus happened." By the time he'd finished talking he'd let go of Ari and gone back to the computer. "It's really cool," he said, hoping Ari would see that, too. "I had no idea someone would actually take the time to make databases like this." "There's databases for everything, and if someone else hadn't done it, I'm pretty sure I know what you'd be doing all next week," Ari said with a laugh. "I'll be in the shower, Research Boy. Jerking off." Finn bit his lip and looked at the computer and then at Ari. "Whatever happened to 'sweetie'?" he asked, starting to following Ari's ass across the hall. "It didn't get me fucked as hard." Finn laughed and reached for him, pulling him back for kiss. One hand slid around Ari's waist to his ass and the other went low in front to cup his balls. An odd chiming noise filled the room and they both froze. Finn wondered absently if he looked as startled as Ari. "Your balls rang." Ari blinked and started to laugh, pushing him away. "It was your computer. Meet you in the shower."

Merge - 103

Finn grinned and went to check his results, scrolling through the list of names and places, neatly set out in a nice list according to how near the location was to where the largest group of people had crossed the month before. He was still sitting here when Ari came back, very clean and slightly cranky, twenty minutes later. "Hey, Finn? Not that I'm feeling neglected or anything and, trust me, my ego is just fine, but --" "He's from here," Finn said, his voice hollow, which was strange as he was feeling oddly elated. Things were starting to make sense, or at least a few things were. "He's from here, Ari. And we need to get dressed. We're going to find Michael Trapp if we have to break into his house and wait for him to come home." "Um." Ari tilted his head and looked thoughtful. "First, no. I'm not going to break into anyone's house. But bring a lunch and I'm cool to sit in the driveway until midnight tonight, sure. And second, who's from here? What are you talking about?" Finn stood up and passed over the sheets of paper he'd printed out. He headed to the bedroom to find clean clothes, talking over his shoulder as he went. "Blake Foskey. Fourth name down. He's been missing for twenty-two years. His parents were killed in a car accident, and he vanished into thin air a few months before his third birthday."

Merge - 104

Chapter Seventeen

Ari was still confused ten minutes later when they were in the car and heading to Michael Trapp's house. "Okay, so Blake is from this dimension?" Finn nodded, his legs twitching and bouncing as he sat in the passenger seat, apparently not even attempting to be calm. Ari could almost feel his turmoil, and as he wasn't the empath, that worried him. "Are you sure?" "I think so, yeah." Finn twitched again and his sneakers squeaked together as he shuffled his feet. "I mean, it's not that common a name, right? And Blake, he's an empath in Alpha. I'm empathic here. And he knew I could pass through the barriers to get here, he knew so much and he never said, he never explained --" He broke off, the frustration and anxiety in his voice becoming more and clear with every word. "Michael Trapp has to know something. He has to be able to help, or Blake wouldn't have given me his name." "I suppose." Ari had meant it to be soothing and calm, but Finn's head whipped around so fast that Ari hastily amended his phrasing. "Of course. You're right, of course. There's no other reason for Blake to have added that to the file at the last minute." It helped his sincerity that Ari believed it; he hadn't even bothered trying to come up with other ideas for the hastily scrawled name. It had been clear from the first moments of Finn's arrival in his bedroom, headache and fainting and all, that Blake had known long before Finn what was going on and what must happen. Finn fell silent, not even answering questions as they crossed town and drove through the streets leading to Michael Trapp's house. It was Saturday morning and there were people on lawns and in driveways, mowing, clipping and scrubbing. Kids rode bicycles and skateboards, and as they drove past a mini-mall Ari spied the older kids hanging out and sneaking down the one alley to smoke cigarettes. It was completely and utterly normal, and beside him a man from another dimension was quietly shaking, his mind clearly racing with ideas and theories. Ari sighed and reached out for Finn, taking his hand. "It's okay," he said softly. "He'll either be there or he won't. We'll find out what Blake knew. Maybe not today, but some day soon. Because you're relentless and smart."

Merge - 105

Finn nodded sharply and looked out the window. "I want to find out if Blake's been talking to this guy. Like, ever. Because if he did... if he did, instead of just watching, he might again. I talked to you. It can happen. And if it can happen... I might be able to find out about my parents. My aunt. Maybe make sure they know I'm okay." Ari squeezed Finn's hand harder, his throat closing. Finn never talked about them, and Ari never asked. It had been a month, and Finn had known since the first day that he likely wouldn't see his family ever again or, at the very least, for a very long time. It just seemed like a wound that was too tender to touch, so Ari hadn't. He didn't have a family of his own, so it was probably too easy for him to let the whole matter slide, to forget that Finn was close to his family, especially his aunt. So he squeezed Finn's hand and drove to the house, hoping for Finn's sake that Trapp would be there this time. "There's no newspapers littering the place up," Finn said as soon as Trapp's house came into view, Ari driving slowly on the residential streets. "Mmhmm." Ari pulled into the driveway and took a fast look around. "The lawn's mowed and there's a car in the carport. Shall we?" Finn nodded and got out, closing the door a little heavily. He winced and mouthed "Sorry" at Ari through the windshield, and then waited by the edge of the front walk. His hand shook a little bit as Ari brushed it with his own. "Come on, sweetie," Ari murmured. "Be calm, and we'll just say a nice hello." "And then we'll tie him down, fill him full of drugs, and get our answers." Ari rolled his eyes and walked him up the path to the door. "You really need to start watching some nice sitcoms or something. Or maybe figure out some more appropriate reactions when you're under a lot of stress." Finn knocked on the door and stepped back. "That was from a sitcom. You don't want to know what Buffy would do." Ari was spared having to come up with a reply -- or having to point out that Buffy had been off the air for a few years and Finn had been watching reruns -- by the door opening up to reveal a tall, dark haired man, a dozen or so years older than themselves. He was wearing a gray college T-shirt and jeans, and he had a mug of coffee in his hand. He was also the man from the photos. He'd been to at least three places where people were being detained as they returned from Between. Beside him, Finn went rigid for a moment, and Ari knew that Finn recognized him as well.

Merge - 106

"Hey," the man said, leaning on the doorframe and smiling at them expectantly. "Can I help you?" Finn flashed a strained smile, his hand shoved into his pockets. "Are you Michael Trapp?" The man's smile was politely curious but his eyes suddenly hard and wary. "Who wants to know?" he said, not answering Finn's question. Ari had seen the look before, many times, usually across a boardroom table. He put his hand on Finn's elbow, immediately recognizing that it would be a bad move to state even their names. This man was dangerous, or at the very least potentially so, and involved in something secret. The fact that Blake knew him or of him pointed to that. Not looking at Ari, Finn twitched his arm out from under Ari's hand. His hands were out of his pockets, and Ari could see his fingers moving restlessly like his legs had done in the car. "I was given your name by Blake Foskey." The mug hit the tidy front step and shattered, coffee spraying everywhere. Ari took an instinctive step back, but Trapp -- because he had to be Trapp-- moved forward and grabbed Finn, so Ari surged at them both, his arms wedging between them. "Hey!" Finn's head made a solid thunk as Trapp slammed him into the side of the house, his face furious. "Where the fucking hell were you a month ago when I needed you? Four hundred and twentythree loonies went to Between, and I could have had more backup to deal with the fallout? Jesus Christ." Ari didn't pay any attention to the words, couldn't have cared less what the man was saying. Finn had gone pale, his eyes were closed tight, and his arms were coming up defensively. He wasn't trying to push Trapp away, he was just trying to hold his head. "Stop it," Ari yelled, grabbing Trapp by the shoulder and pulling hard, peeling him off Finn's body. He shoved awkwardly and got Trapp to move off to the side, then reached for Finn. "Shh. It's okay, just listen to me, okay? Just to me. Feel me." He eased Finn down until they were both crouched by the door, Finn's head buried in his hands. "The fuck? I barely touched him." Trapp sounded confused, but Ari didn't even glance at him, just held onto Finn. "Shut up," Ari said evenly, trying his very best to be calm. "And, for God's sake, don't be angry. He's not who you think he is, and you're hurting him. Badly. Just go in your house and calm down." "The hell I will. You came to me."

Merge - 107

"Are you really an idiot or are you doing this just to piss me off?" Ari snapped before he could remember he was supposed to be calm. He brushed the hair off Finn's forehead and noted that Finn's color seemed to be coming back. "Hey, you. Are you okay?" "I've been better," Finn said weakly. "God, remind me next time that surprised people feel really, really loud. Ow." "Would one of you care to explain --" Ari rolled to his full height and rounded on Trapp. "Were you expecting back up? Did Dr. Foskey tell you someone was coming?" Trapp blinked. "Well, no. But if he knows Blake, then he knows what the deal is, and he could've helped me when I was trying to run this operation under what was kinda fucked up circumstances." "Okay, so you actually are an idiot." Ari sighed and helped Finn to his feet. "Don't piss him off again, please." Finn eyed Trapp and moved to the other side of Ari as quickly as he could. "Sorry." Ari reined in his temper and looked at Trapp, who was back to looking both confused and wary. "May we come in? I think this is something we'd better discuss behind closed doors." *** "Let's start from the top." The three of them were sitting around a small table in the kitchen, sunshine refracting off a teaspoon in the middle of the table. Trapp hadn't picked up the shards of his coffee mug from the front step, but he didn't seem terribly worried about it; he had a death grip on a new mug, steam rising from the surface to mingle with that from Finn's and Ari's mugs. Ari looked at Finn and nodded. They still hadn't even told Trapp their names, and Ari wasn't terribly sure he wanted to yet. Or at all. A little healthy paranoia had gotten him to the top of his career path at a very young age. But, then, it had made him a little stir-crazy when he thought he was being watched. Which he had. Ari reached for the spoon and wondered if scattered thought processes were catching, and, if so, did that mean that Finn was gaining a certain order in the way his mind worked? In response to Trapp's invitation to start explaining, Finn sat a little straighter in his chair. "I was given your name by Blake Foskey," he said calmly. "A month ago. He wrote it down for me in a rush, with no time to tell me who you were. He just... wrote it down and then I had to leave. I haven't seen him since. We, by which I mean us --" he waved a hand between himself and Ari "--

Merge - 108

came by here and found that you hadn't been in here in days. There were papers all over the place and your front light was on during the day. No car. Your lawn was shaggy." "When, exactly?" Trapp's hands didn't move, and Ari was just happy that Trapp's voice was low and Finn seemed to be dealing okay with any emotional backlash. "I was given your name the day people vanished. We came by here... the Sunday after, I think." He looked at Ari and tilted his head. "Or was it the Saturday?" Ari wasn't sure if he should worry about Finn's calm or not. "It was the Monday. After we left my office." "Oh, right. Of course." Finn nodded and looked at Trapp. "Have you spoken to Blake since the incident?" "Of course. But only twice. He never once said anything about knowing anyone else here. Why didn't you come and help me?" Trapp moved the conversation along at a clipped pace, trading a question for a question and an answer for an answer. Ari found the technique interesting; he'd done it before himself, usually with people he knew he needed something from. It was a dicey game, trying to figure out how much to give away in order to gain an unknown. The information could be worthless or not as valuable as what had been given. Finn had apparently done it before, too, probably in some academic fight for funding or sponsorship. "I tried, like I said. You weren't here. What did the people say about where they'd been?" "You're kidding, right? Why the hell would I tell you that when you haven't even given me your names, let alone any kind of basis for trusting you? You could be anyone from anywhere. Reporters, geeks and freaks, anything." Finn didn't even blink. "I won't give you my name until I know what it is you do and how you know Blake. And I want to know what they saw when they were in Between." Trapp's eyes narrowed. "We might be at a stalemate then. This project is the kind of top secret that entire layers of the government don't know about it and assorted federal agencies have teams in place simply to deny its existence. Hell, the President hasn't been read in, and here you are. I'm hardly going to open the files to you when I don't know who you are." Ari looked at Finn, not sure if he should say anything or let Finn handle it on his own. He certainly seemed capable, and Ari had to admit that if there was anyone, anywhere, who was more directly affected by the entire situation he didn't know who it was. The only real thing that made Ari doubt if Finn was up to the challenge without assistance was the effect that Trapp's emotional reactions would have on him. Finn seemed to be filtering okay, however, and Trapp, for all his bluster, actually seemed to have that knack of keeping himself under wraps when he had to. He had a high pressure job built on

Merge - 109

security and control, so he pretty much had to, Ari supposed. Ari also figured that Trapp must have had a hell of a time dealing with the incident. His reaction to Finn asking about Blake didn't really fit with a man who'd had that all trained out of him years ago. It was interesting. Finn was looking at the table top, his brow furrowed. Then, with a small sigh that Ari wasn't sure Trapp would even have heard, Finn sat a little straighter and looked up. "You asked why I didn't come help you. The truth is, I'm hoping you can help me. I know Blake because he's a colleague of mine from the Institute. My name is Finnegan Cormag, and I'm a specialist in filters and interdimensional communication. Except, it turns out that I don't actually know anything that's helpful in a practical sense, on this side of Between." Trapp leaned back in his chair and blew out a breath. Ari watched them both, not moving. He felt a little like a bodyguard, a lot like a mediator, and every inch like he was sitting in a boardroom and not a sunny kitchen on a Saturday morning. "Well." Trapp got up and walked to the kitchen sink where he poured his coffee out and then refilled his cup from the pot. Instead of cream, however, he poured in a healthy shot of whiskey and then came back to sit with them. "That kind of changes things, doesn't it?" Finn snorted. "You should try the changes from my end of it, buddy." Trapp nodded. "I bet. Who are you, then?" he asked, thrusting his chin at Ari. "I'm going to remain anonymous for now, thanks." "For now." Trapp sipped his coffee and traced a pattern on the table top. "When did you come over?" he asked, looking up at Finn through his eyelashes. In other circumstances it might have looked like a flirt, but the gesture was guarded rather than alluring. "That day." Finn was sitting back, too, but he was looking dead ahead, his hands neatly folded on top of the table. "If you're worried about your project, I came through hours before the others were returned. They were still vanishing from here while I was battling the mother of all headaches." Trapp nodded and Ari settled back, content to let them discuss among themselves. It was disconcerting, being an observer for once without key information to add to the pot. "That's a relief," Trapp admitted. "We know there's a handful we couldn't detain; they've gone underground. But I really don't want to add to that number." He darted to another topic, returning to the give and take of earlier. "Blake said, when he finally showed up, that your people had shut down access to Between." Finn gritted his teeth, and his hands flexed. "Correct. But he's talked to you twice since then?"

Merge - 110

"We have a prearranged meeting time every second Sunday and there was an agreement in place that, in the event of unexpected activity, we'd fill each other in. Turns out he couldn't get to me. But you got through." The last almost seemed to be an accusation. "I got through." Finn's chin lifted. "I got through and I'm here and I've got no intention of leaving. But I'm away from my home, my family, and my life, and I haven't even let myself try to see through to my dimension, so I'd be pleased if you'd let me know anything you can. Ideally, I want to see Blake." For a long moment, no one said anything at all. Ari sat, wanting to reach out and hold Finn's hand but not wanting to give Trapp any indication of their relationship or make Finn look like he needed any support. Trapp sat, his eyes narrowed as he thought, and his body not moving at all. No finger drumming, no twitching, and if it weren't for the shot in coffee mug, Ari would have been convinced that the man was made of ice. He'd gotten his professional mask back on, and Ari had to admit that it was a good one. Finn merely looked across the table, waiting. His face was a mask, too, but to Ari that simply underlined how strongly he was feeling. As far as Ari was concerned that was bad. Trapp stood up, his chair scraping on the floor, and Ari had to shove down the urge to jump. "Dr. Foskey is due to meet with me tomorrow. There's no way in hell that you're able to prove to me who you are, and there's no way in that same hell that I'm going to read you in without some kind of reference for you. So, assuming you're not going to agree to come with me and submit to blood tests and a full physical, maybe a fast little series of exercises so we can quantify your lovely little reactions to other people's emotions, I suggest that you meet him with me." Ari snarled, his hand flashing out to land on Finn's bicep despite his best intentions. Finn, however, stood up smoothly. "That was a very nice threat, but trust me when I say I'd already thought of that, and many other unpleasant things. Do you have a pen?" Ari stood up as well, far from relaxed. "If you dare --" "Hey." Finn's voice was soft. "Calm. Need you calm, okay?" Then he looked at Trapp with cold eyes. "Paper and pen, please. When will Blake arrive?" "And where?" It wasn't much of an addition to the conversation, but it was all Ari seemed able to manage. Trapp glanced at him, apparently not at all worried by Finn's reaction. "He comes here. I assume you'll be joining our happy party as well? Kind of a chaperone for your friend?" He picked up a bit of paper from the counter as he spoke and passed it over to Finn, along with a pencil.

Merge - 111

"Something like that. He can take care of himself, but he doesn't have a driver's license," Ari said evenly. "Speaking of, may I borrow a screwdriver until tomorrow?" "Why?" Finn scribbled a number on the paper and handed it back. "My cell phone. It's pre-paid in cash, so you won't find a name or address when you trace it back." "That's why," Ari said, nodding approvingly. "You know his name, but he's out of the system. He doesn't exist. I do, and I don't want you to know me yet. So, if I could borrow a screwdriver, please, I'll just remove my car's plates until we're around the corner or a couple streets away. Thanks." Trapp blinked at them for a moment and then slowly grinned. "You two are more paranoid than me. Cool." He turned and rummaged under his kitchen sink, then came up with a screwdriver. "Here. It's the kind that has multiple heads, and I really like it, so make sure you bring it back, all right?" He held up the paper with Finn's number on it. "I'll call by noon. Blake's usually here by then, never later than one." Ari nodded grimly and took the screwdriver. "See you tomorrow, then."

Merge - 112

Chapter Eighteen

Finn held it together until they got home, though it was a close thing. He'd stood by the door and watched Ari remove his license plates, thinking about how odd and yet undoubtedly practical it was to take them off. It felt incredibly surreal. Trapp had made a point of not looking, and the yellow of his quiet amusement was tinged with a green that felt oddly like approval. The man was a sea of conflicting colors, and Finn had no idea what to make of him. It was easier to try to force him into the background than try to figure him out. Finn didn't say anything at all on the way back to the house, and he appreciated that Ari didn't either. He also appreciated the air of quiet calm that Ari was radiating, and when he reached out, looking for Ari's emotions, all he found was the familiar pastels and a soothing blanket of blue that felt protective. That helped. But at home, in the kitchen and through the hallway and up the stairs, the calm in Finn grew fractures. He could feel his hands shaking, and by the time they were at the top of the stairs Ari was holding onto him, helping him walk. "Finn. God, please. Come on, to bed. Lie down." The words floated above Finn's head, distant and remote, and he noted almost absently that he might just be having a panic attack. He'd never had one before so he couldn't be sure. He shook, not violently, but enough that he could see his hands tremble until he made them into fists. On the bed, he curled into a ball and waited for Ari to come back, though he hadn't noticed when Ari had left. "Here, drink this." "Deja vu." Finn sat up, his arms wrapped around himself until he could focus on the glass of water Ari was handing him. "He's talked to Blake. He could, conceivably, try to keep me. Experiments, my DNA, working out my brainwaves, playing with empathy, tests for -- anything. We have to be careful, Ari. He can't get you, too." "Shh. He's not going to get me. He's not going to get you. I promise." Ari took the glass after Finn's few frantic sips of water and set it aside. "Hey. You need to breathe, all right? Calm a bit. Listen to me. Find me."

Merge - 113

Finn nodded and hated the fact that he was literally clinging to Ari, his fingers curled tightly into the cotton of Ari's shirt, but loving that he knew he could do it. He knew he was safe, and he knew that Ari didn't mind, so he could concentrate on being calm. On finding Ari's colors and following them. It took longer than he'd hoped to get his heart to stop racing, but almost no time at all to find the blanket of Ari's pastels. "You're really green right now," he whispered, burrowing close. "Worried. Blue, nice and calm. A lot of pink at the edges." "The pink is always there," Ari said softly, holding him close. "Trust me. No matter what else I'm feeling, there's seafoam and gold and red and pink." Finn smiled and started to relax, knowing that the colors of Ari's love would always be there, all the time, no matter what. "That's it." Ari petted him, one hand pushing down Finn's back in firm strokes, almost massaging him as they lay together. "Nice and calm." For a long time they lay there on the bed, Finn trying not to think, trying only to find a calm spot inside himself so he could stop using Ari's. "You know," he said, after about half an hour. "You're possibly the most generous soul in the world." Ari laughed. "Oh, I don't think so. There's a lot of people out there doing good. Feeding the poor, building houses for people with no money, battling diseases. I just let you move in when you needed a place to stay." Finn smiled and moved closer. "Let you move in" was quickly becoming a teasing joke between them. "That's not what I mean." Finn put his hand over Ari's heart. "You let me move in, yes. But for the last month, any time I got overwhelmed or stressed or the noises and colors got to be too much... you invited me into your mind. Into your calm. You've never once hesitated or failed to be exactly what I needed, when I needed it. I don't think there's anything anyone can do that's more intimate, more giving, than letting someone lean on them quite that way." Ari looked at him for a long moment, the blue-gray of his calm swirling away in a flood of pink and gold. "I love you," he said seriously. "I love you back." There wasn't any truth on Earth -- in any dimension -- that was more definite. "I know." Finn lifted his head to accept Ari's kisses, his panic gone and his life back on track. No matter what, he had Ari and everything would be okay. ***

Merge - 114

By noon, Finn and Ari were parked next to a small elementary school, two blocks from Trapp's house. Sunday was as gray and drizzly as Saturday had been warm and sunny, and Finn wasn't sure exactly what to make of that. Ari was sitting in the driver's seat, of course, one hand holding a paper cup from an expensive coffee franchise and the other tangled tightly with Finn's. Finn was pretty sure he hadn't let Ari out of his sight since Friday sometime. "He'll call," Ari said softly. "And if he doesn't, we'll just drive up and wait there." Finn nodded and looked at his phone sitting on the dash next to the car's plates and the screwdriver. They'd used the phone to call Ari's office line and leave a message detailing where they were going to be and giving the address. If all went well, they'd stop at the office on the way home and delete it. If things went not so well, Duncan would find it early Monday. Finn drank his own coffee and settled himself, tapping into Ari's calm. "How do you do that?" He'd turned in the seat and was leaning closer to Ari, mostly because he wanted to be near him on general principle. "Do what?" "You're so calm. You're all cool and blue and gentle." Ari laughed softly. "That's amazing, you know. Can you look deeper?" "Do I want to?" "Probably not. It's good to know that when I decide that I need to be stable and clearheaded and calm that it really does sink in, though. I'm..." He paused for a moment and then went on, his voice thoughtful. "I'm worried. I don't like Trapp much, but I do think he's the best resource we have in terms of getting you settled into a legitimate life here." "He's not that bad. I think he had a bad start with us yesterday, and really -- who can blame him? He's got a very secret, very high stress job at the moment, and we kind of came out of nowhere." Finn watched the water on the windshield make tracks as it drizzled down. "He felt really loud when he was angry, but it wasn't... violent. It was frustration and exhaustion. Also, most of it was aimed at himself. He should never, ever have given away as much as he did within those first few minutes. He was really upset with himself and worried that his superiors would find out." Ari nodded. "It was a bit unprofessional, yes. It made me wonder about his training." "He's really tired. He believed me, though, when I said I was from Alpha, and he had a huge wave of excitement. But, for the most part, when we were in his house he was very controlled and all right feeling. No icky colors. That's why I didn't flip out right at him when he threatened

Merge - 115

me. He didn't have the darkness in him to really follow through." Finn turned his head slightly

and looked up at Ari's face. "Still scared the shit out of me. I'm sorry I went to pieces."

Ari kissed him, his lips soft. "You never have to be sorry for that. I promise. Besides, in your

place I would have had the same reaction, I'm sure."

Finn snorted and grinned at him. "You totally would not."

"Well, maybe not." Ari was grinning at him, the color of his calm getting a little pink around the

edges, and Finn was just about to kiss him again when the phone suddenly rang, sharp and shrill.

"That man has sucky timing," Finn growled.

"I'll add it to his list of flaws, despite you saying he's okay."

Finn flashed him a grin and answered the phone. "Hello."

"Dr. Cormag. There is someone in my living room who's very eager to see you."

"We'll be there in three minutes." Finn disconnected and looked at Ari. "We will, right?"

"Might be closer to five."

It was, in fact, closer to two, and Trapp was waiting at the door for them, holding it open as they

dashed through the rain. "Glad you could make it."

Ari handed him back his screwdriver, and Finn was pleased to note that he didn't even pretend to

stab Trapp with it. "Might need this before we go, depending on how things pan out. Or I'll just

drive home without plates and worry about the fines later."

Finn rolled his eyes. "Blake?" He couldn't help blurting it out; he hadn't even known he was to

the babbling stage until the word came flying from his mouth.

"You'll have to forgive Finn," Ari said dryly. "He's a little wound up."

"Finn!"

Finn turned and saw Blake standing in the doorway between the living room and the kitchen,

grinning at him expectantly and vaguely quivering. Just like he was. "Blake." He could have said it in a shout or in a yell; he wasn't really sure. He darted across the room and slammed to a halt in front of the doorframe. "You... you're stuck in doors, too?" Finn could remember the unbelievable frustration that came with be being frozen in a doorframe, tense from listening for security patrols and trying not to move those crucial few inches that would result in him vanishing from Ari's view.

Merge - 116

Blake blinked at him, his hair floppy and curled at the ends, his eyes confused for a moment. Then he stepped forward and grinned. "Nope. Just... standing in a bad spot. I only need a door if I'm outside, and they're hard to find there." "Blake!" He did yell it that time, and then Finn threw himself at Blake and hugged him hard, suddenly shaking. "God." Yellow arced and splashed all around him, noisy and crashing, coming from both Blake and Ari and with a sweeping current of purple confusion from Trapp. "It's so good to see you." Blake held him tight and Finn could feel him nodding. "You, too. I've been kind of worried a lot about you. You look happy." "You can't sense?" The question was far from innocent, and Blake seemed to know it. They let go of each other and Finn studied Blake's face as intently as Blake was looking at him. "No," Blake said softly. "I can't. Not here. Interesting." "I can feel you, though." Finn thought about that for a moment and then carefully did his best to filter out the purple, which was getting louder. He didn't miss the murmur of voices behind him as Trapp asked Ari what was going on, but he didn't worry about it either. "So it's dimensional and not physiological?" he ventured. "Oh, man, I was hoping you'd be able to do something; I thought you might. I mean, that's why I told you the filters would help, right? I always kind of thought that I could feel because I wasn't from Alpha. And, well, clearly it's physiological," Blake babbled. "But within a specific set of circumstances. Such as what dimension one happens to be in." "So, both." Finn nodded and filtered a little more before his head could start to swim. "By the way, it's different for me. We'll have to talk about this sometime, in depth. I didn't bring my computer." He glanced back at Trapp significantly. Blake looked confused again and then smiled. "He's okay. Really." "Sure. But it would be pretty stupid to take chances, right?" "Hello, I'm still here," Trapp said irritably. "Come on, let's go and sit down and get this going, okay? Blake and I have business to deal with as well as you two." Blake nodded. "True enough. All right, then." He turned and led the way into Trapp's kitchen "Here?" "This is where the coffee lives." Trapp started pouring as the rest of them sat, Finn making sure to keep Ari close to him. "Did you talk to my mom? Are you feeding my fish?" Finn tried not to sound pathetic and near tears, but it clearly didn't come out quite that way. As soon as he'd started to ask the questions

Merge - 117

emotions had welled up in him, and they were all his own. Colorless, stark in their intensity, and completely overwhelming. Ari's hand landed on Finn's thigh under the table, and Blake's eyes grew wide. "Of course," Blake said immediately. "I'm sorry, I should have told you right away. When I left you, I went right back to your parents house. Your dad, by the way, is really fast when he wants to be." Finn winced. "He didn't hit you, did he?" "No, but mostly because your Aunt Dorry is faster. He was just startled when I popped out of Between in their living room. Anyway, I told them all where you were and why. Your mom was the only one who was surprised." Blake's eyebrow arched and he leaned back, looking at Finn expectantly. "When you were off on the phone finding out that Between was getting shut down, I was having a heart to heart with my dad about my love life." He said it was like no big deal, even added in a shrug, but he could see Trapp's startled expression out of the corner of his eye and the equally startled look on Ari's face. Trapp felt purple again, but Ari was soothing background. He really was getting better at filtering. "Was my mom upset?" Finn asked softly. "She... She's better now." Blake looked vaguely uncomfortable. "I've been over there three or four times. Once a week, to keep them updated with what's going on in Between. As much as I can, anyway. She's hopeful that she'll see you again. And I have your fish at my place." Trapp put a coffee mug in front of Blake and sighed. "You what?" he didn't sound angry -- and didn't feel it, either -- and Finn watched color rise in Blake's cheeks. "You know that kind of breaks every rule everywhere, right?" "Well, yes." Blake looked at the mug and then gestured to Finn, his gaze lifting to meet Trapp's. "But she's his mom. A mother. You know. Unless you're upset about the fish?" Trapp rolled his eyes and sat down. "Okay, so we've got a mom who’s worried about her son, a son that crosses dimensions to be with his..." The gesture he aimed at Ari wasn't rude, but was definitely awkward. "Who are you, anyway?" Blake looked at Ari and then at Finn. "You really didn't go for the whole trust thing, huh?" "Nope." Ari shook his head and looked around the table. "All right, here's the thing. Finn and I need things from you, I think. And you may or may not need things from us. That's fine. But what you won't get, up front and in writing, as it were, is a chance to take him away from me to run tests of any kind. This is not up for negotiation." Blake stared and then looked at Trapp. "Michael. You didn't."

Merge - 118

Trapp shrugged. "I didn't know he was a friend of yours. I didn't know anything. You never told me someone on your team came through." "He's not on my team. I don't have a team. I have me and some people watching over me. And I told you to keep an eye out for someone needing a hand." "Right, and Jacobson showed up." "Jacobson got lost. Not the same thing." Finn raised his hand. "Uh, guys? We don't have forever here." And Ari looked like he was getting ready to smack heads together, metaphorically speaking. He'd never actually do it, but Finn was pretty sure that he'd get his "boardroom killer" face on and go quietly efficient, which would probably get things moving but would also likely put everyone on the defensive. More than they already were. Blake sighed. "All right. No one is going to do anything to anyone. At all. I won't allow it, so we can all just settle down and trust each other. Same as always, right, Michael?" Michael shrugged, completely at ease. "Of course." "Grand." Ari was less at ease. He was icy cool, and Finn thought that the blue he was radiating could possibly give them all frostbite. "Will someone please tell us what the hell is going on, then?" Finn wanted to know that, too. "I'd like you to fill in some of the blanks that you refused to discuss in my aunt's study," he said to Blake, careful to keep his voice the same as always -friendly and curious. This was Blake, after all, not some stranger. Blake was a friend. He was a connection to home. "I'll do what I can," Blake said, nodding. "There's still going to be things I can't talk about --" "Excuse me." Michael leaned on the table and sighed. "Look. I'm all for talking as frankly as we can, and I'll even go so far as to spill a few beans myself. But I would really, really like to at least know the names of the people I'm talking to." He looked significantly at Ari. "And at this point the only thing we have to go on is each other's word. There is nothing at all, legally, that protects any of us from anyone else, and there never will be. There's just trust or not trust. I get that. But you have my word that I won't do anything to harm either of you. Okay?" Finn nodded slowly and looked at Ari. "He's right," he said softly. "We either trust or we don't. I know it's a pretty big leap of faith... but I walked into a new dimension. What's a little more trust?"

Merge - 119

Ari looked at him with serious eyes and when Finn checked he felt quietly violet, calm and accepting. "My name is Ari Sloan," he said slowly, looking at Trapp. "And I'm why Finn is here in this dimension." "I was beginning to get that part," Trapp said lightly. "So how did that happen, anyway?" Finn shook his head. "Later, if there's time. I want to know how Blake wound up in my dimension when he was a child." Blake blinked at him for a moment and then grinned. "I walked. I think I was probably suffering from a concussion. I honestly don't remember, I wasn't even three. All I remember is loud noises and then walking away from what had to be the accident. I could see two people standing and looking at it, and they seemed really upset. The woman was looking at me, and she was really, really upset, crying and holding out her hand to me. So I went over and took her hand and asked her to pick me up." "And she was in Alpha." "Uh-huh. They took me home, not sure what else to do. They couldn't send me back, because they thought it would kill me, and honestly, from the research I've done since then, I think I would have died even if passing through the dimensions didn't do it. My parents' accident was in a really remote region, and no one would have found me. The accident itself wasn't found for almost a day. Animals... Well. It worked out for the best. My new family passed me off as distant relative who'd been orphaned and took me in, but they let me keep my last name because... well, because it was a tie to my real family, a way not to erase them. My adoption was legalized without proper record of my birth, passed off as a fire in a records office. There are people who will take money to lie about knowing a child was born in a certain place at a certain time." Ari's hand splayed flat on the table and he cleared his throat. "Not to be a self serving bastard, but about things like birth certificates and such? That's one of the thing we could really use a hand with, if there's a way." "I'll see what I can do," Trapp said quietly. "By which I mean that I'll take care of it. Record of birth, SSN, passport... do you want school transcripts as well?" Finn blinked. "Um. Maybe? I don't exactly love the idea of going back to school for four to ten years, but my training isn't exactly something that works well here. There's not a lot of call for people who specialize in inter-dimensional communication, especially when it turns out that all the theories are wrong." It was hard to miss the look that Blake and Trapp exchanged. "What?" Finn looked back and forth between the two of them, and Ari's hand flexed on the table top. "Maybe it's time to hear all about what you've been doing and for how long. Blake?"

Merge - 120

Blake nodded and looked at Trapp. "I think it might be a good idea to take this to where we can sit a bit more comfortably. It's a long story, and potentially complex, and your chairs are kind of hard." Trapp nodded. "Sure. The living room?" Finn didn't really care. He just wanted to know what was going on and if it was something he'd be able to walk away from or not.

Merge - 121

Chapter Nineteen

Ari stood up with the rest of them but held onto Finn's hand and pulled him to the side, not caring what Blake or Trapp thought. "Hey," he said softly, making Finn look at him. "What are we doing?" Finn took a breath and met his glance. "We're doing a little bit of a lot of things," he said, just as softly. "We're going to see if I can become a real person here. We're going to find out what's going on with my government, maybe. And we're going to see if there's a way that I can maintain some sort of relationship with my family. I'd like that." His eyes grew slightly pleading, which wasn't something Ari had ever seen before, not counting when he begged during sex. This was entirely different, anyway. "I just need to hear what they have to say. Call it closure." Ari nodded and kissed him. "Okay. Of course. If I don't say anything at all, though, don't think it's because I don't care. It'll be because I'm horribly confused and I'm trying not to look stupid." Finn beamed at him and kissed him back. "I'll explain it all to you later," he promised. "You better." Ari rolled his eyes and took Finn into the living room, ignoring the way that both Blake and Trapp were looking at them with polite interest. "Just having a little conference," he said blandly. He pulled Finn down onto the couch with him and didn't let go of his hand. "So. Where shall we start?" Blake was sitting in an easy chair, his legs stretched in front of him. "As you know, I crossed from this dimension to Finn's when I was a child, and I was raised there. I could see the other people, the same as Finn, but I could also feel the people of Alpha. I went to school, I played, I grew up just the same as Finn, and I also had to learn to use the filters on both the gray people and also on everyone else to quiet the noise of what they were feeling. It wasn't that hard, really, but I always knew I was different. I always knew I was from Beta." Finn, sitting close enough to Ari that they were touching, nodded. "Okay. So... when did you come back here? How did you find Michael? And who the heck are you working for?" Blake smiled. "I work for the Institute. Just... not the same one you worked for, in a sense." "And I can't tell you who I work for," Trapp put in apologetically. "I told you yesterday that this is so far under the radar that even the President doesn't know. I wasn't kidding."

Merge - 122

Ari looked at him thoughtfully. "CIA or FBI? I'd guess CIA, since it's not exactly a domestic matter." "You'd be wrong, but you could guess that. You've never heard of my agency, I promise." Finn shook his head. "I don't get how... well, how people from here found out about Alpha. And how did you find out about that, Blake? You knew so much that you didn't tell me." "I didn't," Blake protested. "And I still don't, I promise. I didn't lie to you." Ari might have had his doubts about that, but he felt Finn relax a bit, so he made a conscious choice to go with Finn's instinct. It was easier that way. Blake leaned forward in his chair, his elbows on his knees. "Remember when I told you about hearing you talk when I was in school and that's why I studied what I did, why I went to work at the Institute?" Finn nodded. "Yeah. You said that the research we were doing on filters was something you hoped would help you specifically. Because of your empathy." "Right. And that was true. What I didn't tell you was that, about a year or so after I started working there, one of my late night cruises through the database got flagged. I went to work to find men in suits standing outside my door, and I thought it was the Department of Security. But because I hadn't done anything wrong, I didn't get overly excited." Finn looked like he was concentrating hard. "They weren't security?" "They were just regular paper pushers from the administration office, actually. They'd been sent to take me to the director's office, where I was introduced to a man who didn't give his real name. The two of us went for a walk around the grounds, carefully away from anything that could have concealed anyone who was eavesdropping, and he made it plain that he knew where I was from. He didn't come out and say it, exactly, but he knew. And he told me that there was concern in certain quarters that a group of people in Beta were looking for a way through. I was living proof that it could, conceivably, happen." "How did he know where you were from?" Finn asked. "He declined to tell me. But he did say that my list of search terms was interesting, as was my ability to moderate a conversation based on the moods of the people around me." Ari nodded. "I refuse to look at the records of my staff's Internet usage. Even if they have reasons for looking up things that are completely separate from what I'd first assume, those lists do contain information that's telling. And I prefer not to know, really. Any corporate misbehavior can be found out in other ways."

Merge - 123

"Apparently, someone at the Institute wasn't quite as fair minded as you are," Blake said with a smile. "Anyway. I was offered an opportunity to work in Between on a specific project -namely, keeping an eye on a segment of the population that was getting a little too close to the truth. And in the meantime, I was poking around in Beta, trying to understand why, exactly, that was a bad thing." Finn nodded slowly, and Trapp looked amused. "You weren't exactly what they'd hoped you were," Finn said. "They thought you'd do what they told you to, for fear of being sent back or something like that. And meanwhile, you had an original thought or two in your head and started asking questions, if only of yourself." "More or less." Blake leaned back once more, looking pleased with himself. "After a few months of carefully watching and listening and making notes during my work hours, and even more careful watching and listening on my off hours, I wasn't any further ahead. To be completely honest, I'm still not. I have absolutely no idea why the people of Beta can't see Alpha. I have no idea why those who cross, such as you and I, are empathic. I don't know if only a select few can cross -- though I'm leaning to the idea that anyone can -- and I have no idea why door frames are important. I don't know the triggers of the ability to communicate with people here. And I have zero idea if it even matters." "It matters," Trapp said quietly. "And where do you come in?" Finn asked, looking at Trapp. "How did you two start working together?" Trapp bit at his lower lip as he leaned back, and for a moment Ari thought he wasn't going to answer. "My agency had me planted inside a group of people who are -- or were -- convinced that there was a higher plane of existence. The agency is on the watch for cults and other groups that might lead to another Heaven's Gate incident, and I'm one of several people who are placed in key organizations. It just so happened that the one I was put into actually found something." Blake nodded. "We got lucky. When I realized that the people who surrounded Michael had managed to train themselves to see Between, I had little choice but to make that information available to the people in Alpha. I couldn't, in good conscience, hide that. I didn't know why they wanted to come through or what they would do once they got to the other side. I also didn't know what the government in Alpha would do to them. But there wasn't any way to hide the information, and if the organization had ill intent I could hardly let Alpha -- my own dimension in every sense but birth -- be caught unaware." "At the same time," Trapp said, taking up the story again, "I was doing my level best to convince people not to try to get there. They had no idea what they were doing. They still don't. The only reason I know that they wouldn't have died is because I happened to be in the right place at the right time, and I saw Blake."

Merge - 124

Blake laughed. "He means I was in the right place, not him. I followed him one day because he seemed completely freaked out that the people he was with were going to try to walk into the ether. That's what they called it. He looked scared, so I followed him and heard him when he checked in with his superiors that something was up. And then, in a bit of a panic myself, I made myself known by walking through and filling him in." Ari thought that might have been rather startling. Not unlike looking up and seeing a man standing in the doorway to your bedroom. "And thus a conspiracy was born," murmured Trapp. "Or a partnership," Blake said blithely. "Since then others have come to the table with us, including superiors on both sides, and we now have a certain legitimacy. Trapp's cover is utterly shot, of course, and there are a lot of people in this dimension who've been to Between. Which is causing a few headaches." Ari felt Finn tense up beside him. "How far did they get?" He sounded like he was afraid to ask. "And were there witnesses?" "No." Blake shook his head. "The groups were very careful to leave from places where no one would see them. They did, however, set up signals and make things obvious so that the fact that they had vanished would be clear. They wanted people to know that that they'd gone, but they didn't want to take any groupies with them. It would have cut down on their mystique or something." Ari had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "Posers who wanted to be famous and actually got to go where they wanted. Did they make it to Alpha?" "Only to Between," Blake assured them. "And your assessment is pretty accurate. A lot of them were really surprised that they got anywhere, and from the interviews we're pretty sure that they think they got to Alpha. They don't seem to know there's more." Trapp cleared his throat. "Back off, please. I'd hate to stop the talking because we got too close to things I really won't talk about." To Ari's surprise, Blake demurred. He looked at Finn and went on. "I took you to Ari's place, saw you through, and then went to meet the others. Thanks to Michael and a couple of other people, we had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen and where. It was contained." Michael nodded. "And it's yesterday's news here. Over half of the people who got through are on some form of medication or other, and the rest probably should be. There were a handful of truly curious, intelligent, and far thinking people in there; we've recruited them, of course. That's what the detention period was for; we got to talk to all of them and select those who were... uh, useful." Ari felt himself sneer though he tried not to be cynical. Much. "And the rest?"

Merge - 125

Trapp gave him a cold look. "The rest have returned to their lives, completely unhurt and unmolested. They won't be believed, and they won't try to go back. If they do, they'll be met in Alpha and gently led back. They're not even telling the same story, and every day one of them adds a lie or makes up something new. I haven't heard anything close to the truth in three weeks or more." Finn leaned forward. "Whoa, wait. If they go back they'll be met? You can track them?" Again Blake and Trapp exchanged a look, but this time neither of them spoke. "I see," Finn said, leaning back against Ari. "So if I try to see my family?" Blake blinked at him and shook his head. "Oh, not you, Finn. I swear. You... you're not tracked. No one knows where you are, I swear. But Between is still closed on our side, and while you wouldn't be traced to your parents' house or to anywhere else, you might get caught by regular patrols. And I don't think I could get you back out." Ari had to give him credit; Blake did look truly regretful of that, like he really wished there was a way he could get Finn home for a visit. Beside him, Ari could feel Finn sigh, though he didn't hear it, just a softening of his shoulders and an added weight against Ari's side. "I might..." Trapp closed his eyes and leaned back, looking like he truly regretted what he was about to say. "I might have an idea. It's probably the worst idea ever and will ruin my life." "Is it about me seeing my family?" Finn asked hopefully. Trapp opened his eyes and sighed. "About you seeing your family, about you using the skills you have which, no matter how you cut it, are too valuable for my agency to see being wasted. What kind of work are you going to do here, anyway? Teach literature? Pump gas? You're a scientist, for God's sake, and you should be able to use your skills. There are two dimensions who can find use for what you know how to do, after all. Just because you're living in the wrong one shouldn't mean that you can't do what you're good at." Ari stared at him and felt himself starting to smile. "You know, you don't suck after all, maybe." Trapp looked at him, one eyebrow high. "You said that out loud, you know." "Yeah." Ari grinned and slipped his arm around Finn, who had started to quiver a tiny bit. "And he doesn't live in the wrong dimension, he lives in the right one. With me. We're kind of... linked. It's a destiny thing." Trapp rolled his eyed, but Blake nodded thoughtfully. Ari got the distinct impression that a research project had just been born.

Merge - 126

"I'll see what I can do," Trapp said seriously. "If nothing else, I can get your paperwork all sorted out. But if it comes together the way I'm seeing it, you'll be sort of a liaison, working with both Blake's people and mine. It'll be deep cover, but there will be a pay check and you'll have access to both dimensions. Possibly limited, but it will be legit and you'll be able to see your family and stay with your... uh, him." Blake looked like he was going to vibrate out of his easy chair. He was watching Trapp with huge eyes, his head on swivel as he looked between Trapp and Finn. "What do you think?" he finally blurted, just before Ari blurted it himself. Finn turned his head and smiled at Ari. "I think that it might be possible to have it all, after all. And it only took thirty years. That's not too bad, in the grand scheme of things."

Merge - 127

Epilogue

Finn clipped the roses and dusted them, then moved his bag of gardening tools down a few feet to the lilies. He'd put in two new colors and wasn't sure that they were going to take, given the sun in that part of the yard, but he was more hopeful about the hostas and the iris. "I didn't know that you liked to garden." He glanced at the arbor and grinned. "Hey, Blake. Yeah, I didn't either. But I can't seem to keep fish alive here, so flowers it is. Ari likes it, I think. We sit out here a lot in the evenings." "Cool." Blake looked awkward, like he wanted to lean on something. As they were outdoors, he needed a frame to stand in; thus the arbor had been put in the corner of the garden. Finn and his assistant were running a side project about doorways and why they appeared to be necessary in apparently random instances. "I was talking to Dorry today, and she wants you to come to dinner on Saturday if you can." Finn rolled his eyes and bent to examine a lily for bugs. "She knows I spend my weekends with Ari. If he could come too, that would work. But he can't. Tell her Thursday, please." "I will. She'll keep trying, you know. She seems to think that if you and Ari both get fed up, you'll be able to get him to cross." Finn snorted. "He hasn't even made it to Between yet. When he can see Alpha, I'll discuss trying it. Oh, by the way, Duncan might be getting close to seeing Between. I'll keep an eye on it. In the meantime, Ari isn't going to meditate with him anymore; they're going to take up yoga in the park instead." Blake laughed. "Cool. I might just go and watch that." "Duncan's straight, you know that, right?" "Sure." He didn't sound overly concerned. "I'll pass the dinner message to Dorry. Tell Ari I said hello, okay?" "I will, Blake." Finn stood up and smiled at him. "Thanks. For everything." Blake smiled back at him and shrugged. "You look happy. That's thanks enough."

Merge - 128

Finn nodded and looked back at the house, his home. "I am," he said softly. "I'm happier than I'd ever thought possible." When he looked back, Blake was gone and the arbor stood empty, a doorway into a fence. But if he looked at it just the right way, Finn could see another yard, another flower bed, and walking away from him was his friend, slipping through a path between dimensions. "See you at the office," Finn said to the nothingness. Then he turned back his garden and worked, everything around him musical and bright with happy colors.

Merge - 129