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Uncorrected Galley Proof Advance Reading Copy Not For Sale
Natural Persuasion Personal column, Vancouver Gazette: WANTED: Tall, unattached, well-educated female, age 30-35. OBJECTIVE: Children. Marriage not an option. BENEFITS: Financial security and a stable ranch life in interior British Columbia, the most beautiful place on the planet. Please enclose photo. Apply to Box 6457 this newspaper. ~*~ Dear Sir: I am a 33-year-old single female, five-footseven, 115 lbs., employed in marine biology. Your desire to raise a family in a picturesque environment caught my interest as it matches my own. I am not enclosing a photo since I consider the matter of procreation too serious to relegate to a beauty contest. Although healthy and fit, I am not a raving beauty should this be a prime requisite. I’m told my sincerity and even temperament are my best attributes. If interested, please contact me, and at your convenience we will set up a meeting in a public setting. Yours truly, LFC Phone 604-555-1101
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Wings Natural Persuasion
by
Carol McPhee
A Wings ePress, Inc. Contemporary Romance Novel
Wings ePress, Inc.
Edited by: Leslie Hodges Copy Edited by: Karen Babcock Senior Editor: Anita York Executive Editor: Lorraine Stephens Cover Artist: Christine Poe All rights reserved Names, characters and incidents depicted in this book are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of the author or the publisher. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Wings ePress Books http://www.wings-press.com Copyright © 2006 by Carol McPhee ISBN 1-59705-035-0 Published In the United States Of America October 2006
Wings ePress Inc. 403 Wallace Court Richmond, KY 40475
Dedication Tim Conroy, Lydia Filzen, Barbara Hilal, Carla Hughes, Paul Pipkin, Doug Thompson, Mary Veelle, Dr. William Travis Weaver.
Natural Persuasion
Carol McPhee
One Personal column, Vancouver Gazette: WANTED: Tall, unattached, well-educated female, age 30-35. OBJECTIVE: Children. Marriage not an option. BENEFITS: Financial security and a stable ranch life in interior British Columbia, the most beautiful place on the planet. Please enclose photo. Apply to Box 6457 this newspaper. ~*~ Dear Sir: I am a 33-year-old single female, five-footseven, 115 lbs., employed in marine biology. Your desire to raise a family in a picturesque environment caught my interest as it matches my own. I am not enclosing a photo since I consider the matter of procreation too serious to relegate to a beauty contest. Although healthy and fit, I am not a raving beauty should this 1
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be a prime requisite. I’m told my sincerity and even temperament are my best attributes. If interested, please contact me, and at your convenience we will set up a meeting in a public setting. Yours truly, LFC Phone 604-555-1101 ~*~ “Hello, Dana? Can you come down? I really need to see you!” Julie Reagan’s hand trembled while holding the receiver. “I’ve done something so stupid I can’t believe it.” “I’m on my way!” Two minutes later, her heart beating ridiculously fast, Julie paced the hall in front of her apartment threshold. Dana, dark ponytail bobbing, breezed down the stairs and stepped inside. “What’s this about being stupid? You’re too methodical to do anything dumb.” Julie flipped back her coppery bangs and closed the door. Leaning against the foyer wall she folded her arms. “Dana, did you see yesterday’s personal column in the newspaper?” When she nodded, Julie pointed to the edition spread wide on the chrome kitchen table. “I always read that column after I scan the front page. Some of the letters are real dorky. Why do you ask?” Dana yanked out a chair and plopped down. “Well? C’mon; out with it.” “I want you to read an interesting letter that’s in today.” Julie slid onto the chair opposite her friend. 2
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“There usually are a few intriguing ones; that’s why I read them.” Dana raised an eyebrow. “Just be glad we’re not so desperate we have to advertise for a mate.” “Speak for yourself; you’re engaged. No one rings my bell.” Julie hesitated, then stared straight into Dana’s questioning eyes. “One letter was so compelling, I answered it.” “Tell me you’re kidding.” Dana sat up straight, her blue eyes widening with disbelief. “You’re not kidding. Which one did you answer? No, let me guess.” She hunched over the paper with keen interest, her finger slowly guiding her through each block of letters. Julie watched Dana’s concentration, then noticed her friend’s finger pause and slide back up the column, landing on the very ad Julie had answered. “That one!” Dana’s eyes sparkled with certainty. “You’re right. How did you know?” Dana tamped down her enthusiasm and looked thoughtful. “Because you’ve been talking about having a baby.” She shifted her glance from the paper to Julie’s face. “Did you give the guy your real name when you wrote to him?” “No. I signed it LFC.” “Good. What does that stand for?” “Longing for children, which is what I am. I didn’t want to give my name to a stranger.” “At least this guy doesn’t beat around the bush. He lays out what he wants, and he’s not gross about it. You’re direct by nature, too, Julie. That’s why you picked this letter.” Triumph shone in Dana’s eyes. “He says he wants 3
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children. You’re shy. Could you go to bed with a guy you haven’t known for a long time?” “Dana, he doesn’t say it has to be through intimacy. I can’t imagine sleeping with a stranger, but if we like each other and the commitment is there, I might consider it. You know I’ve been going to look into artificial insemination. Maybe he’d be willing to settle for being a sperm donor. He appears to be straightforward, but there’s no way of telling exactly what he has in mind unless I meet him.” “Julie, all things considered, you’ve led a sheltered life. You haven’t dated enough to know much about men. A meeting might not tell you anything. You’d have to get to know him first. He’ll be in your life for a long time if you have children together.” “I’m aware of that, but it could work if we’re compatible. He says marriage isn’t an option.” She paused. “I wonder why?” “Maybe he’s already married.” Julie shivered at the distasteful thought. “If that’s the case, then it’s a no go. But I’m at least curious enough to find out. You think I was stupid to reply?” “Rash... daring, maybe. Not your normal pattern, but not stupid. How will he reach you?” “I gave him my phone number.” “Aw, Julie. Do you think that was wise? There are a lot of weirdoes in Vancouver. I thought you were supposed to reply with a box number?” “I guess I was anxious to get to the crunch if he was interested. Now I’m thinking it wasn’t a smart thing to do. You’re right, he could be a crackpot looking for a thrill.” 4
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“You can change your number if he is. Just be careful should he call. Normally, he wouldn’t know who you are or where you live, but if he’s a computer geek, he could find out.” Julie began to wonder what had been in her head now that Dana crystallized danger as a major problem. “The ad asks for a photo. Did you send one?” “No.” Julie heated with embarrassment. “I’d hate to think some man I haven’t even met might pass me on the street and recognize me as the woman desperate for his child.” “You aren’t desperate, Julie. There are plenty of guys around if you’d just take time to seek them out. You deliberately shut out the male species. I guess that’s what makes you a good scientist: you can stay objective without involving your emotions.” “It’s a self-preservation technique I learned long ago.” Julie reached across the table and squeezed Dana’s hand. “Thanks for not shooting me down. I wish I were more outgoing like you, but I can’t see myself on a permanent basis with any guy I know.” “Julie, you’re attractive. You have naturally curly eyelashes and long, sleek eyebrows that I’d die to have. Your evening runs along Stanley Park’s seawall have given you the slim figure most women crave, but you bury it beneath loose-fitting sweat clothes.” Dana swept her hand toward Julie’s shapeless garb of the day. “I have a couple of pairs of tight-fitting jeans and a few nice sweaters. I’m not always a slob.”
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“You need to be out in the sun and get more color in your cheeks. If you’d use makeup and pay more attention to the way you dress, guys would herd around you.” “Right. Just like the sea lions I research.” Julie laughed at the imagery. “I’m not interested in the complications of intimacy and you know my views on marriage.” Her memory darted into the past for just an instant. Catching her mood in a downhill trek, she whipped her thick, frizzy curls back over her shoulders and scowled. “I guess I should have thought it through better.” Her shoulders sagged. “The chances of finding someone with aspirations similar to mine are zero to nothing. I’m sure I’m capable of raising a child alone, but if this guy works out, it would be ideal to have two loving parents.” Dana motioned in the direction of the paper. “But if it doesn’t? This guy would want the baby, too.” “Then we’d have to go to court.” Julie shrugged. “Perhaps I should stick with the clinical route.” “This guy’s aversion to marriage would work in your favor if it came to a lawsuit.” “Think so? I know there are thousands of single mothers.” Dana shrugged. “I wonder why he’s so definite about no marriage.” “Maybe he’s not interested in the trappings and confinement of a piece of paper any more than I am. People don’t have to marry nowadays, you know. Don’t you see? I was serious about considering a sperm bank, but I’d like to know something about the personal qualities of the father.” 6
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“In other words, you plan to meet and study him like one of the sea lions?” Dana tried to suppress a giggle, but the impish gleam in her eye couldn’t hide it. “I guess you could say that.” Julie frowned. The rancher’s letter had served as a catalyst spurring her toward her dream. She’d been astonished and impressed by her boldness, but now the pendulum had swung the other way, riddling her with doubt. “If I see certain unfavorable characteristics inherited in my child, I could work to correct them, don’t you think?” “I don’t know anything about bringing up kids. I suppose you could at least try.” “I am desperate, Dana.” Julie flung her hands in the air. “My biological clock is ticking so loud that it echoes in my ears night and day.” “I hope this guy is more cooperative and not as smart as the sea lions. They can be difficult when they get bored with experiments and decide to play, instead.” Dana’s comment brought a smile to Julie. Enthusiasm in training the aquatic mammals for Julie’s experiments had often disappeared when Dana had borne the brunt of foulsmelling fish breath or a quick snort of water blown on her face. “You think I’m crazy to give this a try?” “I’m concerned because you’re important to me. Remember, you’ll be dealing with a species driven by testosterone with highly developed predatory habits. Don’t take any unnecessary chances.” The coffee machine gurgled to a sputtering drip. After pouring two mugs of the brew, Julie sat back down and helped herself to a heaping spoonful of sugar. 7
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“Julie, what do you suppose this guy is like? He doesn’t give much information, other than he lives on a ranch. He might only be a hired hand.” “Well, it doesn’t make much difference to me what he does for a living. If I decide to take this opportunity, it might only be for a short while.” “You mean you don’t intend to stay?” “I can’t plan far ahead. There are too many variables. He must be able to support a woman, or he wouldn’t advertise for one. I’m thinking he’s in his mid to late thirties, because of the age restriction, but that could be off. I’ll find out soon enough. Who knows? Granted, the whole idea is iffy.” Trying to read between the lines of his letter, she spoke more to herself than to Dana. “If he lives in the Interior, it could be in a remote region or else he’s so busy he doesn’t have time to seek out a willing companion.” “There’s not much to go on.” “This guy really has me curious, Dana.” “He might be ugly to the extent he had to try casting further afield than his home territory,” Dana continued, playing the devil’s advocate. “Appearances aren’t important if he has a good heart.” “They are when your children could look like him.” Dana bolted upright. “He might be an axe murderer, Julie!” “He wants kids badly, or he wouldn’t be going to such lengths. So do I. Going to a sperm bank seems as impersonal as grocery shopping.” Julie blew across the top of her coffee, then sipped it slowly. 8
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She found the shake of Dana’s head discouraging. “I don’t think I can afford to wait. You were lucky in your choice for a mate, but for me there is no Mr. Right. I can get enough romance fantasizing in dreamland. It’s safer that way.” “Why, Julie, I didn’t know you ever had romantic thoughts. You’ve shattered my illusion of the cool, obsessive scientist I thought you were.” Julie laughed. “Give me a break; I’m human, okay? You’re going to be moving out in a few weeks and already I dread it.” She waved back another objection from her friend. “Maybe he won’t answer, but it will be kind of exciting waiting to see if he calls. If I meet him and feel uneasy, I’ll take off. I know there are lechers out there, but I’ll give him a chance. I ran away from my life years ago. Now, I have this urge to run to something that will give me purpose and a sense of self-worth beyond my job.” Dana gulped. Her voice softened. “Do you know anything about ranching? I hear it’s a lot of work from sunup until sundown.” “I’ve never been on a ranch, but I’m good with animals, and I’m not afraid of hard work. It must be glorious deep in the Rockies.” Suddenly anxious to get away from the negative aspects Dana had pointed out, she changed the subject. “Look, it’s Saturday and hot for midSeptember. Let’s walk the beach at English Bay and see how many tankers are anchored today.” Dana sighed with resignation. “You’re on.” ~*~ 9
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The front door of the Lazy M ranch house opened and slammed. Cameron Caldwell, foreman, and Jordan McIntyre’s best friend since childhood, called out. “Jordan? There’s a stack of letters for ya. Guess shopping for a woman in a newspaper is as good a way as any to have a parade of chicks for your eyes only.” Cam strode quickly to the living room doorway. “Hey, Jordan! It won’t be hard weeding out the dogs from the pictures and the dumb ones from their writing. You coulda been more delicate ’bout how you expressed yourself, though. Can’t see why you insisted on putting in the part about no marriage; that’ll most likely turn some off.” Jordan saluted from his easy chair but remained where he was. “I wanted to be honest.” Cam groaned. Nestled in a forested bowl of British Columbia’s Rocky Mountains, the ranch was a vital part of their lives. Cam dealt with the bitterness consuming his thirty-eight-year-old boss on a daily basis. The rancor stemmed from the death of Jordan’s wife, who had died under mysterious circumstances three years ago. “Are you coming to the kitchen to open them?” Cam asked, a hint of impatience in his voice. “Later,” Jordan answered stiffly. “Why put it off?” Exasperated, mail in hand, Cam stomped to the kitchen and flung the letters on the table. “Three years is more than enough time to put up with Jordan’s bad-tempered mood swings,” he muttered under his breath. For a while, Cam had figured the Lazy M was doomed, either from the reputation of its owner or Jordan’s neglect. Hard work should have helped, but Jordan’s pain robbed him of the gentle nature and 10
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enthusiasm that had been so much a part of his character since their boyhood days. His sullen personality, hairtrigger temper and lack of direction made Jordan hell to be around. Rather than mellowing with time, it kept getting worse. Guilt does that to a man, Cam thought. I ought to know. I carry tons of the stuff on my shoulders every day and not one damn thing can I do to dump it. In hope of changing things, Cam had persuaded Jordan to write to the newspaper’s personal column. It hadn’t been easy to convince Jordan that his distrust of women kept him from gaining a better perspective on life. Once he’d advised Jordan that without a special someone there would be no heir to this wondrous patch of mountain territory, his boss—perhaps to keep Cam from harping—agreed to the idea. Jordan sauntered into the kitchen while Cam raved on, “I thought we agreed this was the only way that might work. The rumors scared away all the available women from this area.” ~*~ His hackles rising, Jordan stared out the front window to the mountains beyond. “I don’t know why I let you talk me into this.” The power of snow-capped beauty could do a lot for his peace of mind, but couldn’t block out his memories. He remembered too well the crash scene and his wife’s broken body as she lay sprawled across the front seat of the mangled red Porsche. Jordan scowled. Marsha knew the shortcut was dangerous. Showed how anxious she was to get away. 11
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A cold shudder raced down Jordan’s spine. He had adjusted to her loss, but it was hard to accept and live with the suspicions of the nearest community. Marsha’s unfaithfulness had been bad enough, but her abandonment of home and any further effort to make the marriage work had destroyed his illusions of happiness. He knew he should make more effort to get his mind away from thinking about her, always wondering... “Jordan, look, you drive yourself day and night to keep from feeling anything. If you keep this up, your anger’ll drive you into the ground.” “And that nice guy I used to be got his just deserts, huh? A wife on the lam that ended up dead. The community I’ve lived in all my life looks at me like a murderer was walking in their midst. I like the man I’ve become: wary, reclusive, and free.” “You left out lonely.” “I didn’t like this idea of yours in the first place, Cam, but we’ll go through the letters and see what we’ve got.” Jordan shook his head and shuffled the pile of envelopes. Some were colored in pastels; others reeked of perfume. A sickening blend of unpleasant smells permeated the kitchen making both men sneeze. “See, Cam? We’re allergic to women.” “Not me. I don’t sneeze around Maggie, she might get sick again.” An hour later, they finished reading, then spread six possibilities on the desk. A picture lay on top of each letter. Cam blew out a puff of pent-up air. “I would’ve expected to find more than these few from so many, but of course you’re fussy. You only need one that’s suitable and 12
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willing.” Stretching his arms and legs, a satisfied gleam in his eyes, he leaned back in his chair to watch Jordan’s reaction. “There’s nothing to say any of these would follow through. I don’t think it’s worth the effort.” Jordan’s brows gnarled in disgust. “I really don’t understand why you were so keen for me to do this.” “Believe me, I have reason: your short fuse for one. Don’t chicken out on me now, boss. Let’s take a close look at these six. They’re pretty, and their writing shows they’re definitely interested. Have a little faith! It might work out better than you expect.” Jordan breathed a sigh of disapproval as he levered his chair away. “I’d hardly subject cattle to this much scrutiny; I feel real sleazy doing it over a woman. What’s this on the floor? You missed one of the letters.” He picked it up and shoved it into Cam’s hand. “You open it. I’m tired of the whole damn idea.” Jordan walked to the fireplace, stoking the embers while Cam opened the plain white envelope and scanned the contents. He followed Jordan. “This one doesn’t have a picture included. Ha! She’s got a dilly of an excuse: she writes that this is too important to relegate to a beauty contest. She says if you’re looking for a raving beauty, she’s not it. I bet not. Probably a real ugly dog.” “Let me see the letter. I agree with her and I appreciate her honesty.” Jordan sat down, reading the letter slowly, finally sniffing it to see if any scent had been sprinkled to lure his interest. No. Only the faint pulp scent of the notepaper drifted into his nose. 13
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Cam scoffed at his boss’s extra attention to this particular letter. “She sounds too independent, trying to call the shots like Marsha—” He shut his mouth quickly when he met Jordan’s icy glare. “Maybe so, but she’s right. Let’s face it; we ditched a lot of these letters because the photos weren’t appealing or the writing stunk. That wasn’t fair to the applicants.” He slipped the letter into his top desk drawer. “I think this writer is being open and cutting to the chase by giving her phone number. The others gave a box number.” “Sounds like she’s just plain stupid to me. Doesn’t she know what kind of creeps might read this? Are you gonna call her?” “I think I might. She’s intrigued me already. I’ll contact the others by mail and get their telephone numbers, too, then take a trip to Vancouver and interview each woman. Hopefully, I can settle this once and for all. If nothing else, turning them all down for one reason or another ought to stop you from hounding me. This is a one-shot deal, Cam.” Jordan retraced his steps to the window and stared down at the barns and corrals that edged the clearing. His modest log cabin, braced as it was against a heavy growth of heavy mountain forest, allowed him to admire the land that had been in his family for generations. “You know, this ranch served the needs of my grandfather, father, then me, but it takes time and hard work to make a go of it in today’s world.” His pride in the place made him stand a little taller. “I really do want to pass this piece of heaven to my child. I want the McIntyre name stamped forever on this property.” 14
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Two Three weeks passed and with no response to her letter, Julie’s anxiety disappeared. Obviously, the jerk whose ad she had answered considered looks important. She busied herself going about her daily routine, vowing never to answer a public plea again. Work had been grueling today. The sea lions refused to cooperate in the mating ritual. Tracking heart rhythms during all of the activities of a selected pair was part of her research. The lack of interest of the female had increased Julie’s frustration level. She and I must share the same opinions on males. The oppressive rain clouds darkened not only the sky but also her mood. As she labored up the steep fight to her landing, she heard the shrill ring of the phone. Struggling to unlock the door, she hoped it was Dana with a suggestion for a special evening activity. “Hel-lo?” She panted from the rush to lift the receiver before the caller gave up. “Who did you say you wanted? Oh! Yes, this is... ah, LFC... Yes, I’m still interested. Yes, I can meet you there at ten o’clock, tomorrow. Tall... dark 15
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hair... wearing a cream-colored Stetson... all right. Thank you for calling, Mr. McIntyre. Goodbye.” Julie’s heart raced as she sprinted up to the third floor two steps at a time. Dana opened the door at the first sound of the buzzer, her mouth and eyes wide-open. “Whoa, there! What’s got you so excited? Don’t tell me. You’ve had a phone call from that guy who put the ad in the paper?” “You’re so perceptive, Dana. Yes, he called. His name is Jordan McIntyre... gorgeous voice like Mel Gibson... wants me to meet him tomorrow morning at a restaurant over by the airport. I was so shocked, I couldn’t think of any questions to ask.” “Come in, and tell me about it.” Julie hurried into the living room and plunked down on the sofa, drawing her legs underneath her. “Tell me exactly what he said.” “We only spoke a few seconds to set up the meeting. He agreed we would be more at ease in a public place.” As an afterthought, she added, “And Dana, he said he was intrigued by the lack of a photo.” Julie’s insides glowed with the justification of her cheeky decision not to send a picture. “What do I do now?” Dana sat down beside her. “I think you’d better calm down. This guy will be no Mel Gibson—probably more like Fred Flintstone. You’ll have to control the interview if you meet with him. Hey! Don’t let your eyes glaze over, now. Listen to me. You know nothing about him or his history. I told you there are dangerous guys out there.” “I’ve decided to see him anyway, but I won’t give out more information than necessary.” 16
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“Why don’t I go and sit at another table in case he tries something?” “No way.” Julie’s knuckles rapped on the table. “Since I’ve made up my mind to be adventuresome for a change, I’ve got to do this on my own. If it doesn’t seem safe, I’ll get out of there fast. I have a plan, you know.” “A plan? To do what, pray tell? Run like hell if he reaches across the table for a handful?” Julie rolled her eyes. “I’m approaching this differently than with guys in the past. I’ll disguise myself so no one from the university can recognize me should they drop in there. Then, I’ll observe him first without letting him know who I am.” Pleased she’d taken the forethought to raise the security level in her favor, Julie rested her cheek on her palm and waited for Dana to dispute her modus operandi. Dana’s lip curled. “Frankly, I don’t like your plan. It’s too simple and could go wrong. You are both looking out for your own self-interests. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out they are bound to clash. You’re talking intimacy with a stranger.” “It’s not like I intend to dive between the nearest sheets. That’s not in my system of values. So I’m a prude. I’d have to know a guy for ages to consider sex. I don’t want to wait that long. Nothing will go wrong. All I have to do is walk out if I get bad vibes. Look, I want a baby soon, but I want one without prolonged exposure to the kind of sour relationship my parents had. Do you understand that part? If things go well when we talk, we can see what develops. Reproduction is a fact of life that I 17
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know all about. Clearly, we both want to commit to having children. That’s what makes this so perfect.” Dana drew in her breath. “It’s a bit naïve on both your parts, but I do understand, Julie. I just wish you could accept the possibility that there are loving relationships.” She reached for Julie’s arm, offering a begrudging measure of support. “Okay. I see you have your mind made up. Tell you what: before you meet him, let me help you with makeup. We’ll see if we can’t give you an edge should you want to ditch your disguise.” “If it will make you happy, I’ll let you mold me tomorrow, but only slightly. Now, if you aren’t going out with your fiancé, let’s go to a movie and get our minds off the whole thing.” “You’re on.” A short time later they were in a darkened downtown theater. They sat through one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but Julie’s mind wasn’t on the orks and elves. Visions of her upcoming meeting filled her head. Her memory of the mellow, yet definitely masculine voice sent unfamiliar twinges ricocheting down her spine. She wanted a child with all her heart. But in spite of what she had indicated to Dana, an involvement that would curl her toes wouldn’t be amiss. Suppose there was something unpredictable and wonderful in the offing. Could she handle a deeper relationship? There was more to the letter than what Dana saw and it had dragged Julie from behind the walls of her privacy. She wondered if any relationship without a certain degree of emotion could be possible when two humans became involved in procreation. She’d had dates who tried to 18
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persuade her to have sex with “no strings attached.” She’d never bitten. Tomorrow’s opportunity begged the question: could she and this rancher exist side by side like the sea lions she studied—totally uncommitted to nurturing each other? ~*~ Jordan decided his best vantage point to survey the next candidate was from the front seat of his rented black Cherokee. He parked it opposite the motel’s restaurant entrance. The women he had previously interviewed had not impressed him. Two had shocked him with blatant flaunting of their sexual expertise, one reeked of alcohol, one chattered incessantly, and the other two lacked any sign of a pleasing personality. It was downright discouraging to come all this way for nothing. I just want someone easy to look at who would be compatible and cooperative. Ah... this whole idea is absurd. What was I thinking when I let Cam talk me into it? It’s nothing but a colossal waste of time. Jordan’s thoughts ground to a halt as a taxi drew up to the restaurant door and a tall woman leaped from the back seat. As soon as her feet hit the ground, she screamed at the driver and flailed her arms in the air. The furious female slammed the door, giving it a swift kick. The vehicle lunged forward, spinning its tires. Jordan didn’t think he wanted to hear her words, judging by the explosiveness of her tantrum. The wrinkled navy trench coat dragging down to her ankles projected a scruffy appearance. A ridiculous floppy knit hat, pulled over her ears, hid all but her reddish bangs and a few straggly ends of hair. The largest sunglasses he had ever 19
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seen perched precariously on the tip of her nose. Her slender finger quickly shoved them in place. The thought crossed his mind that perhaps she was a bag lady, one of those hapless creatures that roamed Vancouver’s streets with all of their belongings crammed tightly into whatever they could find. The large, beige cloth bag hanging over her shoulder swung wide as she opened the door and entered the establishment. Jordan waited, expecting to see the woman tossed out on her ear. Scowling when it didn’t happen, he glanced at his watch. It was ten-twenty; his lady was a no-show. Disgruntled and tired, yet curious about the outlandishly dressed patron, his parched throat called for a drink. Resigned to not meeting with his prospect, he ambled across the parking lot and walked inside. His eyes skimmed the cheery, crowded dining area to see what had happened to his “bag lady.” There she was— the only female present—slouched in a booth facing the door. She had carelessly flung the god-awful hat on the seat beside her. A mass of copper curls tumbled in complete disarray onto her shoulders. With her head hung low, Jordan couldn’t see her face. Suddenly, a startling thought crossed his mind. He inhaled sharply and walked in determined strides to her table on the hunch she might be the woman he had scheduled to meet. “Excuse me. LFC?” Hands clenched by his sides, he stared down at the woman scrunched almost into a ball. She peered over the top of her sunglasses and gasped. Her lips pursed into an inviting little “O” of surprise. “Y-Yes,” she croaked. She coughed to clear the scratchy sound and whispered, “Are you, Mr. McIntyre?” 20
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“I’m Jordan McIntyre.” He tossed his Stetson onto the empty bench and immediately squeezed in opposite her, trying to penetrate the reflection from her dark glasses. “And you’re real name is...?” “Er... Julia... R-Reagan.” He tilted his head toward her. “Do you suppose you could remove those?” She hesitated, looking around the room first, then pushed the sunglasses to the top of her head. Stunned by the sea-green depth of her almond-shaped eyes, he couldn’t speak for a moment. He couldn’t even remember the initials he had just uttered. When he realized he’d lost himself in her gaze, he came to his senses and leaned back, running his forefinger around the neck of his blue pinstriped buttoned-up shirt. This is the woman who wouldn’t enclose a photograph of herself? Unbelievable! “This is a nicely decorated restaurant; have you been interviewing other applicants here?” she asked with an eye-to-eye stare. “No. I met the others downtown. I figured you for an introvert because you didn’t talk much on the phone. It seemed more suitable to pick some place quiet, yet not isolated. Anyway, I needed a change myself.” He was glad he had chosen this pleasant setting as opposed to the bland coffee shop where he had spent the last few hours. The green-papered walls bursting with small rose and white flowers offered a homespun atmosphere here. Just what he needed to rest his shattered nerves. By the look of his applicant fiddling with her purse strap, she could stand to relax as well. 21
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Her skin mesmerized him. The only spots breaking the clarity were two small freckles, one under each eye, almost evenly spaced from her nose. He concentrated on them for a few seconds to avoid drowning in her inquisitive expression. He looked lower. Her lips carried a deep application of coral lipgloss, and their lush fullness tempted him. Her figure lay hidden beneath the loosely belted coat. Probably on the plump side. Jordan noted a flick of her wrist as she checked her watch. He realized he was ogling her; she might have taken offense. He snapped to alert knowing he’d better get himself under control or blow the whole venture. “Did your cab driver have a hard time finding the restaurant?” he asked. “The cabby knew where it was.” Silence. “Are you staying at this motel?” “Yes.” He thought he heard her mutter, “No kidding,” under her breath. Her fidgeting indicated unease. Why? She had so much going for her, yet she appeared flustered. A pang of sympathy tore through his chest. He wanted to see her smile. Hell, he wanted to take her home with him right now—no interview, no hesitation and no worrying about propriety. Before some unexpected problem jumped out and ruined his accelerated response to her. “Have you interviewed a lot of women?” “I’ve interviewed six.” He wished he could withdraw his answer. Damn. With the motel part of the restaurant, she thinks this is a setup. Might figure I’m a stud. This interview is off to a bad start all the way around. He had to do something fast. “I hope you feel like having 22
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breakfast, Julia. I’m suddenly hungry.” Hungry, yes, but he’d had enough coffee to float a boat. “I had breakfast earlier,” she fibbed. She'd been too nervous to eat. “You will have something with me, won’t you?” Is she really skittish or placing herself in control? She sighed and replied meekly, “All right.” He peered at her closer. When Cam had suggested paying a woman to bear his child, his mission had seemed clear. A business deal, that’s all it would be. He had deliberately not mentioned this in his ad as it was too impersonal. Physically attracted to this woman, he was struck by the dishonesty of it all. Caution warred with his urge to know her better. ~*~ The waitress hurried to their booth with a full pot of coffee. Hovering over their heads, she smiled down and asked, “Would you like me to fill your mugs? This coffee is freshly brewed.” Julie nodded, hoping a quick shot of caffeine would dull her nerves for once and sharpen her wits. Although he seemed hesitant, Jordan straightened his back and tilted his head, “Sure, go ahead.” Ignoring Julie, the waitress bent lower than necessary, showing bountiful assets peeking above her wide-open collar. “Sir, the menu’s written on the blackboard on the back wall.” Julie noticed the little tease hardly took her eyes off Jordan. Why not? He has an interesting face; his worry lines give it character. “What would you like, Julia?” 23
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“A heated bran muffin with butter, please.” “I’ll have the ‘hungry man’s special,’” Jordan ordered, then turned to Julie. “Are you sure you don’t want more than that to eat?” “No thanks, Mr. McIntyre.” He didn’t have to know the morning “special” in her kitchen was Pepto-Bismol flanked by frequent trips to the bathroom and chased by two aspirins. They watched the waitress write down their orders and walk to the kitchen’s service window. “Please, call me Jordan.” “Everyone calls me, Julie. My girlfriend warned me not to give you my name. It slipped out, so you might as well use the one I’m comfortable with.” She knew her chatter revealed her nervousness. I can do this, I can do this, she said in her mind. Staring at his speculative dark eyes, her jangling nerves ricocheted around her body: I can’t do this! Unable to stay focused on Jordan’s gaze, Julie shifted her position to look at the wall’s menu—a silly evasion tactic since she had already ordered. She summoned her courage and turned back, peering across the table at him. She attempted to overlook the sexy way an errant lock drooped over his forehead but failed miserably. The unruly coal black strands lent a boyish charm to his roughcut maturity. His pleasant features and white even teeth struck a chord of pleasure, too. However, the numbing way his curious brown eyes pried into hers highlighted why she was here, making her feel like a candidate for the auction block. As his gazed traveled downward, slowly tracing circles around her mouth, he cocked his head, 24
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showing the hint of a smile. Such intensity would surely cause any woman to gasp with euphoria, then hold onto her morals for dear life... or forget them entirely. Julie felt heat from the pressure spread across her cheeks. The muffin wasn’t a great idea because of her earlier upset stomach; but, if nothing else, it would give her fingers something to keep them occupied. Maybe he wouldn’t notice how agitated she was, or how curious. With his appealing looks, why had he found it necessary to advertise for a woman to bear his children? His broad shoulders and straight stature exuded strength. The authoritative tone of his voice and that cool probing of his eyes spoke volumes. She’d try to keep her mouth shut and see what developed. His prompt arrival after she entered the restaurant caught her off guard. Except for the scumbag taxi driver, she’d have arrived first. With no opportunity to observe him, there had been no time to run off if her jitters became too strong. What have I gotten myself into? If his personality is as strong as his outer shell, I might as well hightail for home and cower under the blankets. She stopped her thoughts from traveling this course. The old unadventurous Julie would run. This Julie would stay and take on the challenge. Julie called to the waitress. “Could I change my order to the same as his? All at once I’m hungry, too.” Electricity charged the air. She could feel it, smell its power, almost hear it sizzle. For a moment she was shocked by her reaction to the big man across from her. What kind of impression had she made on him? No harm 25
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in finding out. “You’re looking quite solemn. Am I not what you expected?” “Hardly.” Great, I’ve lost before I even found out the particulars. I’m not surprised. Someone as explicitly masculine as he would never be interested in a socially inept mouse like me. Wait, maybe I can meet this head-on. Think positive; don’t analyze. There’s a lot at stake. “Okay, how am I different?” “Your letter said you were even-tempered. On the phone you barely talked.” “So?” The gleam in his eyes and quick grin sent another electric charge shooting throughout her body. “You let that cab driver have both barrels... mouth and feet. You’re a contradiction I can’t quite fathom.” “Ah... I don’t like someone taking advantage of me. I wrote I was even-tempered, I didn’t say I was a doormat.” She sighed. Well at least I get a decent breakfast out of the situation. “I admire a woman who can stick up for herself.” Embarrassed at the unexpected praise, she added extra sugar to her coffee and wound her hands around the hot ceramic mug. If he knew how fast her courage had dwindled in his presence, he wouldn’t be so apt to compliment her. She sipped her coffee, appreciating the diversion of its energy-giving sweetness. Jordan shrugged out of his jean jacket. She stared at the play of muscles rippling under his short sleeves. His sinewy arms looked exceptionally strong all the way down to his calloused hands. What would it be like to feel those arms wrapped around her in the heat of passion, his rough 26
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hands stimulating her skin? She shook herself mentally to break free from the seduction of such undisciplined thoughts. What was wrong with her that she would even think such things? The fault lay with him. He emanated sex, wore it like a mantle. “Don’t you find it hot in here?” he asked. “No, I’m fine.” She pulled her coat tighter, though she did find it uncomfortably warm. Dana had talked her into wearing a beige stretch-knit sweater to allow her interviewer to see the kind of shape she was in: not an ounce of flab anywhere. Her medium frame could carry a baby with no problems. Now her attire flustered her. She feared she might be presenting herself as a female in heat and cringed at the thought. Was it her imagination or had the temperature shot up another ten degrees? She exhaled, directing a quick puff of air to her forehead. She needed to cool down or risk stewing in her own juices. “You’re right. It is hot in here.” “The coat rack is over by the side door.” Most men would have offered to hang up my coat. No doubt he wants me on display like a side of meat. She considered shrugging her coat onto the back of her seat and staying put. I’ve got nothing to hide. It might be fun to flaunt myself for once. Cheeks burning, she headed for the rack, unwrapping her belt as she walked toward it. She wondered what would happen if she did some exaggerated fanny shakes. She draped her coat on the peg, then pretended to admire the pictures on the wall to bolster her nerve before turning.
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Three Jordan had noticed Julie used both hands to steady her mug, giving away her try at portraying confidence. She was nervous. He had stopped being edgy when she pushed up those asinine glasses. Now that she’d ditched her long coat, he’d get a gander at the rest of her. He thrummed his fingers on the table as, with her back to him, she dillydallied by looking at nondescript pictures of flowers. His gaze meandered lazily over the slim cut of her brown tweed slacks displaying her small waist and nicely shaped hips. Finally, she turned. It was all he could do not to ogle her once more. Her form-fitting sweater left little to his imagination and sent his temperature rising. She was slender, but not in the places that counted. More than pleased, he would look no further. This was what he wanted, what he needed even when he hadn’t been aware of it. Silently, he thanked Cam. Jordan’s mind reverted to the flicker of disappointment in her eyes the moment she first saw him. In some way, he had turned her off. No matter; he would pour on the charm. It had worked years ago and, though rusty from 28
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lack of use, he felt certain that once the gears started turning, they wouldn’t fail. The waitress bringing their breakfast interrupted his thoughts. She removed two platters from her tray and refilled their mugs. Jordan closely observed Julie as she scanned the toast, scrambled eggs, two whopping large pancakes, and bacon in front of her. She paled. “Tell me; what was the trouble with the cab driver? Did he get fresh?” Jordan took a bite of egg, then nonchalantly slathered orange marmalade on his toast. Julie’s cheeks fired again the moment their eyes met. “You saw?” “I was sitting in the parking lot waiting for the... ah... the lady I was to interview.” His disclosure that he’d already been watching her made Julie gasp. “The cab driver brought me by the scenic route.” She paused for a moment and inhaled a couple of deep breaths. “He probably thought I didn’t have enough money to pay, and I’d be in his debt. I told him he overcharged me by five dollars; therefore, he was getting a piece of my mind, instead of a tip.” She stopped her fork in mid-air and lowered her eyes. “I wasn’t very ladylike, was I?” “You got your point across.” Shaking his head at the memory of her stamping feet and her hard kick at the taxi door, he laughed with such heartiness it brought a smile to her lips. A beautiful wide smile. She nodded. “I hope the driver will think twice before he tries that on another female passenger.” ~*~ 29
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When Jordan didn’t comment, Julie wondered if she was dead in the water with this guy until he laughed. Maybe he wasn’t just being polite but actually overlooking her rudeness to the driver. She let her eyes wander over his face. He was too intriguing a male specimen to walk away from immediately. I’m going to try and figure out his motives for going after what he wants this way. In this public venue, the worst that could happen was that the ad was a sham, and he was what Dana had suggested: a weirdo on the make. Help was nearby if she needed it, so he wasn’t apt to try anything. Julie buttered her pancakes, methodically dripped syrup over them and started eating. Jordan followed her pattern, which meant they were both occupied, giving them each time to acclimatize to the other’s presence. The eggs were fluffy and tasty, just how she liked them. She lacquered strawberry jam on her toast and sat back before she took a bite. Since she’d come this far, she decided to have fun with it until they finished breakfast. Then she’d catch a bus home and contact a sperm bank where she could plug in her donor requirements—lawyer, doctor or CEO, mink brown eyes, black hair, tall. Then she could at least imagine her eventual child’s father looking like Jordan McIntyre. “Jordan, you didn’t say in your letter, but do you expect pregnancy by natural means or would you consider donating your sperm for artificial insemination?” She kept a straight face and bet on his answer. His eyes almost popped out of his head as he choked on a mouthful of egg. The poor guy’s in shock. My question caught him off-guard. Better him than me. As she 30
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took a bite of bacon and followed it up with another of toast, she kept her eyes on his reddening face, wondering if she’d have to perform CPR. Jordan regained his breath. “You believe in talking straight, don’t you?” he sputtered. “Why not? The ad was notably inexplicit.” She licked the sticky remnants of syrup from her fingers. His eyes followed her motion, then he spoke. “Only because I never thought of a way other than the normal route. The others I interviewed let me state my case. Their first question was to ask if I was willing to pay for the service.” Julie took a gulp of coffee. Hot, strong, like she needed—to quell her disappointment. She’d had high hopes. Highly ridiculous ones. “Maybe they figured this was your way to get easy sex.” “They think wrong.” He pursed his lips, seeming to grasp for the right words. His eyebrows raised, but he spoke slowly. “While natural conception is my preference, I suppose I could consider the alternative. In all honesty, I don’t see why there... ah... couldn’t be sex for mutual pleasure in achieving our goal. The clinical method brings cold comfort.” “You mean you would accept anyone off the street, knowing little about them?” “Of course not. There would have to be a neutral trial period at my ranch for at least three weeks. If our personalities meshed, sex would add to the fulfillment.” “Three weeks wouldn’t cut it for me. While it may be all right for others, I don’t think I could go to bed with someone I didn’t adore. You probably can’t understand, 31
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but since I’ve studied the aggressive mating rituals in the sea lion population, the same uncommitted activity in humans holds little appeal.” Jordan saw a major problem with her method of choice, too: the cardboard, clinical technique had the turnon of a can of worms. The determination in his voice proved she’d been right. He expected sex; yielding to the woman’s preference was bull. In spite of feeding her a line, he had the nerve to stare straight into her eyes without showing a shred of guilt. She buckled down to the meal, trying to keep her mind on eating, not on the fact she’d been desperate enough to come on a wild fatherhood chase. She could feel the heat of his stare, but after a few seconds of no response from her, he dug back into his food. Then she relaxed. She’d be out of here soon. Suddenly, he offered more. “I was married before.” She jerked up her head and waited. “It wasn’t a good marriage. At least apparently it wasn’t for my wife. I’ll tell you up front, Julie, I’m not anxious to repeat the mistake. I’ll never make that emotional commitment again.” “I wasn’t expecting a wedding ring,” she replied. “But if I considered the normal route, then there would definitely have to be an emotional commitment, marriage or not. It’s clear we have no firm base for going further, Jordan. I shouldn’t pry, but where is your wife, now?” “Marsha died in an accident three years ago. Her Porsche slid off a snow-covered road.” His eyes clouded and shifted to look out the window. 32
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“I’m sorry for your loss. It must have been difficult for you.” Julie tried to tone down the sudden gloom by concentrating on her pancakes. She understood his need for silence to cope with his memories. Her regrouping soon subconsciously took a definitive path. Three years without easily available sex. They needed to get back on course and away from his obvious pain. “Sex without commitment seems... animalistic.” She stabbed at the last bite of pancake and smiled slightly remembering noncommittal didn’t bother the sea lions one iota. They just lolled over on their backs, letting their eyes roll back in their heads while they showed off their family jewels. Ugh! “I’ll be honest from the outset, Jordan. I would only consider artificial insemination under your circumstances.” She had nothing to lose by telling him. He’d be playing her for a fool if he expected her to hop in the sack with no feelings involved. She might as well write “dumb” on her forehead for answering the ad. Did he think all women were gullible? Before he could comment she said, “I have a question.” “You seem to be in the driver’s seat; fire away.” “I’m wondering why you resorted to the newspaper to get an heir. Couldn’t you find an unmarried female friend to accommodate you on a personal level?” “That’s the point. I don’t want that personal level. I want to be free to raise kids without the emotional yo-yo thing. I’m not desperate, just frustrated. You don’t understand the anguish I’ve been through.” Oh yes, I understand anguish only too well. 33
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He rifled his hand through his hair. “Maybe I didn’t make myself clear. I’m a busy rancher. I’m not interested in having any of the women I know present on the ranch permanently. I want someone who could provide a loving home life for my family and be good company when I’m around.” “Yeesh! You want an incubator, homemaker and nanny, with no real security. Why don’t you hire a surrogate?” “I’m trying to save myself steps. Surrogates don’t stay and help raise the child they carry. I want my child to have a mother figure. What about you?” His voice had an edge of harshness. “You haven’t told me anything about yourself or why you replied to my letter out of the many put in every week. Do you make a habit of meeting guys that way?” She knew she should take offense, but at this close range, his frown lines intrigued her, they appeared so well practiced. “Yours is the first personal ad I’ve ever answered. My reply stated that I wanted a family and would welcome a move from the city. If I wanted to meet men, the city offers the best chance.” “Sounds honest enough. Still, maybe you have a man in your life that you want to make jealous.” His body language as he leaned closer spoke loud and clear. Sex was on his mind. She blinked. He had her full attention, now. Her word was generally taken as proven truth at the aquarium. Temper rising, she cast her enthusiasm for scientific scrutiny by the wayside and squared her shoulders. “I don’t have a man in my life. 34
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“I’m dead serious about wanting children. I was about to inquire into an artificial insemination program when I happened to read your letter.” She stopped and caught her breath, then added a heaping spoonful of sugar to her refill. The buzz of conversation at other tables seemed rather subdued. She must have spoken too loudly. “The lure of ranch life, pristine mountain air and beautiful scenery, appealed to me,” she whispered. “I had the crazy idea your arrangement could work... because our goals were similar. “Jordan, I don’t have any family ties, and soon my best friend, Dana, will be getting married. I’m sick of routine and of being stuck inside most of the day. I thought this was a good time for a complete change in my life.” “For someone so introverted when I talked to you on the phone, you sure have a powerful way of expressing your thoughts.” “This experience has convinced me that I’m better off being thankful for what I have—full-time employment and benefits.” She brushed the toast crumbs from her slacks when she rose. “It’s been nice meeting you. Thanks for breakfast. Good luck with your mission.” ~*~ “Hey! Don’t go. We’re just getting acquainted.” Jordan had intended to make short work of the seven applicants, ditch them, then complain to Cam of their crass unsuitability. Somewhere along the line he had ceded authority to Julie, and now she was the one ending their meeting. He hadn’t counted on being so drawn to her. Her audacity and forthright personality had thrown him a curve. 35
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“Julie, I’ve been too presumptuous. Hell, I was downright ignorant to suggest you had an ulterior motive for meeting me. I guess I haven’t thought this whole process through. The other applicants didn’t meet my criteria. You are the perf—” He mustn’t beg, but acting indifferent wouldn’t work either. The minute she’d told him she had no family ties he knew he’d have to reel her in. Perfect! No one to miss her and come prying around. It doesn’t get better than this. “Perfect what, Jordan?” She’s relentless. “Look, I’m a flexible guy. Ask my foreman, Cam. He’s always yakking about how amenable I am.” Jordan reined in his temper and tossed her an olive branch. “I’m willing to look at your side of the situation. Having an heir is critical to passing on what I’ve worked hard to develop. I’d like us to be friends.” Later he could convince her of the convenience of a sexual relationship. “Please, Julie, don’t leave.” Grabbing hold of her hand, he held it fast. Her fingers didn’t try to wrench free. She had grabbed the branch. Her brows knitted together, she sat back down in the booth. He signaled for more coffee. “Okay, I’m sitting, but for only a few more minutes.” “Why did you pick my letter to answer?” he asked. “My relationships with men haven’t been what I’d hoped for.” Her eyes faltered like the words had flowed out before she could stop them. She turned away, looking everywhere but at him. He saw her blink back tears and felt the sadness of her words. He reached across the table and touched her arm lightly, bringing her attention back to his face. “I 36
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appreciated your candid response to my letter, and I like your honesty now.” She straightened her back and pushed back. “I’m familiar with artificial insemination in animals; I assume it’s similar in humans.” He breathed a sigh of relief. She was buying them both time to find their equilibrium. Okay, he could deal with that. He was more than happy to help her out. And win her over if he kept his patience and wits. He excused himself and went to the washroom. On his return he took a swig of coffee before he looked at her. “I own the Lazy M, deep in the mountains. It’s a large operation with cattle, sheep, and logging. I have a housekeeper who comes in during the week and also does the cooking.” He was relieved to see her eyes light up in a show of interest. “I built my cabin after the accident when I needed to get away from old memories. It’s not ritzy, but it’s comfortable and it suits me.” She nodded, as if she understood, but he knew she couldn’t really understand how it felt to have his heart ripped out. “The main house, a big ark of a place built by my grandfather, houses Cam, my foreman, his wife and four kids. They know that if I ever have a family, I’ll want it back.” He watched her eyes glaze over as she pictured what he disclosed. If truth be known, he had shown her the essence of who he was—a man steeped in the heritage of his land. The vibrancy of the green in her eyes mesmerized him, beckoning him to peer longer into the mirrors of her soul. He was shaken by the insecurities he 37
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saw and startled by the strong, protective feelings twisting his gut. “What do you expect from the woman you select?” It was a natural question and a dilemma for him. He hadn’t intended to choose anyone. She was counting time for his answer, measuring his sincerity. Julie clearly suspected his claim of flexibility, well within her rights. No dunce was she. He sought to understand her obvious reluctance for intimacy and found himself struggling. His attraction to Julie complicated his problem. She had sewn a new seed. The tiny grain could grow into a vine and, based on past experience choke off his hopes, sending him into another abyss. He should back away. Perhaps if he made his needs transparent—up to a point. Aloud, he painstakingly structured his requirements so there would be no misunderstanding. “I expect a pregnancy to provide me with an heir. The partner I choose must be easy to live with and to that end try her damnedest to create a peaceful home life. I want a partner who will be there for me.” In this he could be truthful. There, he had put his cards on the table, squaring off with her should she turn defensive and hostile. To his amazement, she said nothing, but aimlessly swirled her spoon in her mug. Finally, she answered, slowly. “That’s what I want.” “If our goals are the same, there should be no problem. You have the job.” “Not so fast!”
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Four Julie’s narrowed eyes took Jordan by surprise. “Your proposition bears careful examination, Jordan.” Her letter mentioned her involvement in marine biology. That’s why she’s approaching our situation with a stupid, scientific analysis. Jordan sighed. Maybe she wasn’t the one for him. “I don’t have to be a scientist to figure out we can both meet our goals, Julie. What’s your problem?” “Are you really and truly willing to donate sperm and bypass natural conception?” “I already got the impression my druthers don’t count if I’m to have you on the team. Who knows, maybe you’ll change your mind. If you don’t, then I guess it’s your way, or I take a flying leap out of the picture. Right?” “Right. I believe it’s called a handshake marriage.” “What else?” “Nothing else. I see no problem with compatibility, Jordan. The fact we can discuss this objectively shows we can get along.” “Okay, Miss Scientist, have the desired results been achieved?” 39
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“Not yet. Both partners should ‘try their damnedest to create a peaceful home life.’ That would determine how well the circumstances work. I’m curious; if you found a woman to carry out the procedure naturally, would you expect her to be in your bed each night or only when her temperature shouts go?” He knew his face had turned beet-red; he felt the fire, but she didn’t even blush, just stared at him eagle-eyed. Waiting. Watching for what? For some inflection that the whole matter was a joke? At times, he’d thought it was a bad joke, until he met her. Could she read his lack of enthusiasm for undergoing such rigorous tripe as required for her method of reproduction? She needed to be brought into the real world with a gentle introduction to a timeproven ritual. “I-I... Damn, but you are personal! If the woman I chose favored the n-natural route, we’d sleep together until a pregnancy occurs. After that the matter would come up for renegotiation. Perhaps she might want back the bedroom she would have when we first get to my home. I’d never f-force myself upon any w-woman.” He had no worries about persuading Julie to see things his way, but he didn’t like his uncontrollable stammer caused by knowing she had his intentions under a microscope. Julie seemed to have no conception of what went on in the male human mind. Was he up to the challenge to get her into his bed? He shuddered when the image of a stark sperm bank storage room appeared in his mind’s eye. He pictured a container marked McIntyre Sperm. No way. If he was only a donor, the offspring would belong to the mother 40
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and he would likely have little legal say. Besides, he didn’t trust city businesses and had no plan for his eager beavers to populate half the earth. “I’m not partial to artificial insemination because mistakes are a possibility. I want to be certain the heirs are mine.” He stared at her eye to eye. Her eyes took on a faraway look. Was she wavering? Had he, in spite of her obvious distaste for his preference, convinced her? Perhaps all was not lost. I’ll cast bait and see. He rolled his shoulders to release the tension gathered there. “I’ll pay an excellent weekly wage and provide room and board.” ~*~ Jordan blew it! A red flag loomed before Julie’s eyes as soon as his words left his mouth. Disgust filled every pore. He had categorized his partner into a slot labeled hooker. Thank goodness, she hadn’t let Dana put on heavier makeup, or she’d think that was what brought this termite out from the walls. Julie’s full stomach threatened to send her on the run to the ladies room. Why had she expected otherwise? Naïve, like Dana had suggested. She should have hit the road when his eyeballs moved out of their sockets at her sweater display. Did he think all women could be bought? This hunk of animal magnetism should be brought to his knees. She was almost anxious to give it a try. “Oh, yes, Julie, one more thing.” He lazily scanned her from head to foot. “I’d insist you have a thorough physical to be certain of no health problems.” Recognizing a sly upturn in the corners of his mouth and a glimmering satisfaction in his eyes, she realized he 41
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was serious when he offered her the position as the woman most apt to... to what? “Done by a doctor, I presume?” His confidence in his sexuality and persuasiveness nauseated her. I’ll play along for a few more seconds. “Jordan, I would expect the same—to be sure your sperm are fertile and come from a healthy body.” The beleaguered look on his face squelched her sudden urge to giggle. She maintained an outward calm. If he took the time to observe her stiffening back and tight clench on her shoulder bag’s strap, he’d see she intended to get out of here the fastest way possible. She picked up the purse. “I appreciate your candor. Thank you for the breakfast.” Her syrupy dismissal was better than he deserved. She never retreated from a challenge but she was up against a wall of pretense. The smoky gleam in his eye explaining his druthers convinced her of that. If she had experience at being a siren, she would reverse the roles and make him fall flat on his masterful ego. This man deserved to be brought to heel for the sake of all women looked on as conquests. Julie slid from the booth but withheld her hand from bidding goodbye. “I’ll leave you to get on with your interviews; mine was interesting, to say the least.” He stood and grasped her arm with the same steady hold that earlier sent twinges where she didn’t want them to go. She looked into his eyes and yanked her arm. He didn’t free her. “Take your hand off me!” His hand dropped. Other customers quieted. She didn’t want a scene that would disturb everyone else. 42
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Reluctantly, she slumped back down into the seat. He sat opposite her again. Julie leaned across the table and spoke in a barely controlled low tone. “Where do you get off thinking I would prostitute my services? How dare you offer me money?” “I may have not handled that well. We need to talk more,” Jordan stated firmly. “I’d like to know about you. For instance, I’m wondering why you aren’t interested in marriage?” She laced her words with sarcasm because of the memories his question precipitated. “I had enough of holy matrimony with my parents’ wedded bliss. They fought continually. One night they were fighting in the car, distracting Dad.” Her voice fell to a whisper. “He didn’t see the train. If a passenger in the back seat hadn’t survived, we’d never have known what caused the collision.” Her recall of the crash site still haunted her on occasion. Many times when her parents had battled, she’d wished she belonged to some other family. Once they were gone that wish filled her with guilt. “Marriage demands too much and causes pain to my way of thinking, Jordan.” “So you retreated to a safety zone, right?” He was hitting close to the mark. “There’s nothing more you need to know. I’m no longer a candidate for providing an heir for your kingdom. Goodbye, Jordan.” As Julie wiggled out of the booth, her mind intuitively measured her distance to her coat and the restaurant’s front door. 43
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“Hold on a minute, Julie.” The room’s renewed low buzz of conversation suddenly quieted. Not a voice or clink of silverware could be heard. Julie quickly scanned the other patrons, then looked down at Jordan. The nut expects me to sit on command, like some dog—and in public! “No. You’ve seen me, interrogated me and learned why I was interested in answering your ad. I’m sure you’ll find candidates more to your liking, more willing and certainly more cooperative. “The truth is, Jordan, I was hoping for a unique type of friendship. A warm association between the parents is needed so the children aren’t short-changed by the lack of legal vows. I don’t want a business deal bound by ties to your physical needs.” Julie hurried over and yanked her coat from the rack, anxious to get away from the extraordinary encounter that had crushed her aspirations and left her dismayed. Jordan jumped up, rummaging through his pants pockets for a tip. Not finding what suited him, he drew out his wallet and tossed a five-dollar bill on the table. “Wait ’til I pay the bill, then I’ll drive you home!” he barked. His deep frown and reddening complexion showed his dislike for being summarily dismissed. While Jordan was at the cash register, Julie shrugged into her coat, opened the door and stepped outside, needing to clear her head. She breathed in a recharging breath of fresh air. The answer to her prayers for a quick avenue of escape was dropping off a motel guest. She dashed inside the Black Top taxi and gave the driver her home address. The cab drove away as Jordan reached the 44
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street. She looked behind and saw him waving wildly to flag it down. Lucky for her, the driver didn’t notice. Julie returned to her apartment drained of her original excitement. The session with Jordan had not gone as she’d hoped; still, it hadn’t been a bust either. He had been a congenial companion, nice to look at and instantly intriguing. What she needed now was to get him out of her thoughts. Leaving a trail of clothes to the bathroom door, she stepped into the shower, hoping the hot spray would wash away the remnants of her volatile meeting. Her attempt to change the monotonous drift of her life had left her in a backwash of disappointment. Jordan’s hulking frame stayed in her mind’s eye, his dark gaze probing, his winsome smile dazzling her imagination. She showered, toweled herself off, tied her hair back with a black elastic band and donned her favorite baggy green sweat suit. Set for an afternoon of relaxation, the chime of the doorbell brought forth a groan. When she opened the door, she looked into the steam of a hot apple pie balanced in Dana’s potholder-clad hands. “I thought you might need something to pick you up, Julie. I was looking out the window when you came back. I figured a piece of pie would turn your frown upside down. The meeting didn’t go well, I gather? Was he crude and ugly?” “Not at all. Jordan is handsome in a rugged sort of way. Anyone that looks like he does shouldn’t have to advertise for a baby machine.” She stood back to allow Dana’s entry. Julie grabbed utensils and two small, blue-flowered glass plates, then followed her to the kitchen table. “There was more going on than he mentioned in his ad. He was 45
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married before. It’s not in my interests to pursue his proposition.” In the midst of putting a slice of pie onto Julie’s plate, Dana halted. “He was married? Damn.” “She was killed in an accident.” “Rotten baggage to bear.” Dana shook her head and finished serving the dessert. They sat down facing each other. “You aren’t going to see him again?” “Definitely not. I’m not into living in a house of three—him, me and a ghost.” “Why doesn’t he hire a surrogate?” “Exactly my question. He said those women don’t stay and raise the children. Guess what?” Julie asked. “What?” “He offered to pay for my time and effort.” Julie shuddered. “If you took him up on the deal, you’d be without an income, Julie. You could use the money.” “And feel like a streetwalker. I had planned to devote more time to writing if we were on the same wavelength. I’ve already sold two books on Pacific mammals. I have notes to keep me going for two more. The stable life Jordan touted is probably only a myth if he’s not over his grief. And more importantly, I don’t believe for a minute he would go the artificial route. He exudes too much male testosterone for it to be a consideration in spite of what he says.” Tears welled in her eyes. She had hoped for an opportunity to change her humdrum life and at the same time get a treasure: a baby. But the dream had fractured in front of her. Rather than walk away from the meeting and 46
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chalking the venture up to experience, she felt like she’d lost something vital. She eyed the wedge of pie and sniffed the succulent smell of cinnamon sifting through the air. “This will do nicely... a sugar fix to restore my energy.” The telephone rang, but she motioned for Dana to let the machine pick up the call. Jordan’s voice filled the room. “Julie? It’s Jordan, here. I want to talk with you. Please pick up... Julie?” The two women listened to the husky plea but made no attempt to move. “Aren’t you the least bit interested in what he has to say? Especially if he’s as sexy as he sounds.” “Sure, my curiosity is almost overpowering, but it’s useless to pursue what he has in mind. I thought it over while coming home. The idea’s unfair to any children we might have. Kids need love between their parents.” “There are lots that don’t have that. It’s just as important to have respect.” “You’re not taking his side are you?” “Well, maybe I am, Julie. Talk about being unfair, the few minutes you spent with him weren’t enough to make a decent assessment. He might be a really nice guy. You said he wasn’t crude.” “No, he was polite.” “Did he leave you holding the bill?” “No, he paid and left a generous tip.” “He may be wealthy.” “He may have been so upset at me wanting to leave that he didn’t know what he was doing, Dana. I should have had my head examined for even responding to the guy.” 47
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“Are you going through with the sperm bank application?” “I don’t know, now. It’s selfish of me to rob a child of two parents, but... I’ll give myself a few days to decide. I can see how it’s better not to be acquainted with the donor, though, if I decide to go through with it.” Julie nodded, agreeing with herself. Dana didn’t comment. ~*~ Jordan sat on his motel bed, reached in his shirt pocket and pulled out his list of phone numbers, including Julie’s. He had seen her slip outside while he paid with his Visa. Expecting her to wait near the entrance until he signed the credit slip, the thought had never entered his mind she would leave so abruptly. The tail end of a taxi driving her away had shocked him. She had mentioned not wanting to be tied to his physical needs. What kind of woman didn’t want sex? Damn, I thought she was attractive. She should have been flattered because I made it obvious. Must be a real nutcase. Now he realized he’d not thought to ask for her address or even where she worked. If he ran the ranch with such carelessness, it would go under within a month. He knew what the problem was now: in observing and talking with her, something new had stirred in him—a desire to know her better—and it energized him like nothing had of late. The way he had physically coerced her from leaving made it a wonder she didn’t look back and give him the finger. He smiled. That wouldn’t have shocked him. He’d merely scratched the surface of this woman’s personality. This could not be a final goodbye. 48
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Jordan dialed her number on and off through the afternoon but only touched base with her answering machine. There was no law to say she ever had to answer his calls. The phonebook showed no listing for Julia Reagan, so no address. He wished he’d brought his laptop, then maybe he could locate her through the Internet. Oh well, he could use a computer at a library or an Internet café later. Although Julie’s eyes had betrayed a wide range of emotions, he hadn’t learned much about her personally. All she’d given was her real name, talked about her parents, and said she worked in marine research. She’d been secretive. Not much wonder; his ad must have seemed as strange to her as it did to him. After giving it thought, he decided she probably worked at one of the universities. That might be interesting to check out. He could surprise her and enjoy her startled expression instead of trying to find her address. He smiled, remembering she’d not looked in the mirrored walls of the restaurant once; she had no vanity in tow. That was a plus in his books. He had planned to stay in the city overnight, then return to the ranch empty-handed. Why hadn’t he been open to other possibilities? His naïveté irritated him. He booked the room for a second night. Following a supper of barbecued ribs and Caesar salad at the motel’s restaurant, Jordan walked over to the desk clerk. “What would you recommend for an evening in Vancouver?” “Well, there’s lots of live entertainment spots; there’s sightseeing, too.” The clerk motioned to the front of the 49
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lobby. “Pamphlets of local attractions are on the display shelf by the window. Most folks like to visit Stanley Park. It’s beautiful any time of day but more so at sunset.” “Thanks, I’ve been there before. A walk along the seawall will be a good way to stretch my legs.” The desk clerk laughed. “Watch out you don’t get mowed over by runners.” ~*~ When Dana returned to her apartment, Julie felt a familiar loneliness. She collected her running clothes and boarded a bus to her office at the aquarium. Filing data from yesterday’s lab work would take her mind off the morning’s events and she could get in her daily run later. She spent the afternoon catching up on her documentation and discovered that the results from one blood test didn’t jibe with previous records from the subject animal. Had the vial of blood accidentally been mixed with a sample from another sea lion? With nothing scheduled tonight, she had plenty of time to repeat the test. First she’d go for her exercise and clear the cobwebs from her mind. Supper would be late, but her appetite had gone by the wayside after today’s experience. Julie quickly changed into royal blue shorts and a sleeveless white jersey top. After going through her stretching warm-up exercises, she took off on her run. The closing of the aquarium and the sun’s descent had thinned the crowd of the day. She set her pace at a moderate speed reveling in the ease of running without having to thread her way through masses of pedestrians strolling the promenade. 50
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She looked across the Georgia Strait at the distant mountaintops kissed by snow the previous night. Her mind jumped to the province’s interior region, picturing the Rockies in the wintry glory that never completely left. She wished she had thought to ask Jordan if he carried a picture of the Lazy M in his wallet. Julie smiled as she skirted two lovers walking hand in hand. This was the time of day she liked best. The freedom of early evening always lifted her spirits and allowed her mind to work on whatever problems crept up during the day. Tonight, Jordan’s proposition ruled. When her thoughts meshed her parenting yen with Jordan’s offer, she could clearly see a disaster in the making. He wanted an heir, and if a satisfactory relationship didn’t work out between the two of them, she’d be connected to him always. Or even worse, what would happen if he decided he didn’t want her but did want the child? Maybe he could find a way of kicking her out—a murderous way like Dana had hinted. She may have saved herself from a horrible fate. With a sperm bank donor it was a given that the father would not be in the child’s life. Julie wondered why rationality was coming into play now? She didn’t regret her venture, just her naïveté in thinking a man and a woman could produce and raise children like rats in a lab. Jordan’s show of disrespect for her morals was disgusting. Hooker, indeed! ~*~ Jordan stepped into the parking lot and took a few minutes to breathe in deep breaths of Stanley Park’s moist evening air. Amber, gold, and red from the lowering sun 51
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reflected a glistening path across the water’s surface. In spite of being within the city boundaries, the atmosphere was peaceful here. At least it would be if his mind hadn’t latched onto the soft, inquisitive eyes of the woman he’d met this morning. He couldn’t shake Julie’s face or figure from his mind as he started down the hill to the seawall. Scanning the lush grass, he sat under a tree to watch several runners making use of the walkway that rimmed the park’s shore. One runner, a big man, lumbered along under duress in an obvious struggle to lose weight. A tanned, bare-chested athlete’s muscled stride boasted the top condition of the second runner. The third, a graceful young woman, ran at a smooth, steady pace. Jordan bent his jean-clad legs, rested his arms on his knees and watched. He’d come to loosen up his joints and would in a few minutes, but right now this female running enthusiast’s fluid advance was pure poetry in motion and a joy to observe. Her breasts stayed firmly in place with little bouncing. This was a seasoned runner not out for a short spurt like many. She wore clothes geared for speed and easy travel. He’d bet she ran regularly and wondered how much better her health was than his. There was no reason he couldn’t run at home, although running with a rifle draped over his shoulder for protection against grizzlies and cougars held little appeal. Her step stayed even; her sure footing carried her well. He debated if her iridescent chartreuse Nikes gave her an advantage as she caught up to the other two. She never stumbled even though she looked sideways at the mountains most of the time. 52
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As she passed directly in front of him, his eyes left her chest to take in the sway of her coppery ponytail as it swung back and forth. A purple sweatband encircled her head and once she reached up to adjust it, never missing a step. He thought it striking the way the sun’s rays played on her hair giving her a fiery halo. Her shorts hugged her thighs. Fixing his eyes to the groove below her buttocks, he stared until she turned her head and looked in his direction. She quickly looked forward again. In the flash of that exchange, he recognized her and yelled, “Hey, Julie!” She never slowed, nor did she look back. He jumped up and hurried down the hill. By the time he reached the walkway she was taking a turn in the path. Jordan cursed the leather western boots on his feet. They weren’t meant for moving fast, but he did the best he could and picked up speed, shouting again as he raced after her. “Julie!” Jordan rounded the bend, but she was nowhere in sight. Several trails led away from the water. He stopped and listened. If someone had been near, he could have asked which way she had gone. The choice was his to make, and he didn’t know the area well. In the hope he might see her again, he rushed back to the Cherokee and searched the park roads, stopping briefly near the aquarium. It was closed for the night.
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Five Using her key, Julie let herself into the aquarium through the back door, then changed back into her sweat suit. She rechecked her data and found the mistake had been in her notation, the result of not having her mind fully on her work. She made the correction, then went out to the back pens to check on her favorite sea lion, Sitka, who was recovering from a bacterial infection. One particularly contrary male lashed out from his cage with such fury he startled her. Julie slipped, slashing her shoulder against the sharp edge of Sitka’s cage as she fell to the wet cement floor of the mammal holding area. She rushed back inside and rolled up her sleeve. Thoroughly cleaning the wound, she treated it with ointment from the first aid kit and covered the injury with taped gauze. She locked up, then boarded the bus whose route ran past the Vancouver General Hospital. When she disembarked, she hurried into Emergency. Three hours later, her arm in a sling, she returned home, doubting the merit of sea mammals in the natural order. 54
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The blinking light on her answering machine drew her attention as soon as she walked in the door. Julie listened with astonishment to five more calls from Jordan, each requesting her to call his motel. She shook her head in silent answer to the last plea, remembering she had been so affected by him that at one point during their meeting, thoughts of artificial insemination had fled from her mind. Contacting him would lead to more turmoil. Better to avoid that sorry state. Stress had almost driven her under while she struggled to earn money for her education. She had no wish to risk drowning in emotional problems again. Julie took a Darvocet pain pill from the bottle the intern had prescribed. Not hungry in the least, even though she hadn’t eaten since downing Dana’s effort, she considered changing into her pajamas and crawling in bed. Instead, she curled up for a few minutes of relaxation on the couch. She had just dozed off when the doorbell’s incessant ring throbbed into her groggy head. Whoever was at the door appeared determined to make her life miserable. She staggered across the floor. Yawning, as she peeked through the peephole, Julie tried to sharpen her focus, looked again, rubbing her eyes to make sure she was awake. She unlocked and opened the door. Through a blurry haze, she peered up at Jordan, tall and breathtaking, braced across the doorframe by an arm placed above her head. 55
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“How did you find me?” Her eyes squinted as she tried to blink away the fuzz to see him clearly. “You don’t look well. What happened?” “I had a run-in with another aggressive male and took medication,” she snapped, deliberately blocking the doorway without inviting him inside. “A guy attacked you?” “A sea lion made me fall. I hurt my shoulder. No big deal.” “May I come in? You look like you need help.” “I got help at Emergency. Look, I don’t want to appear rude, but I’m tired. I’d like to get to bed. What time is it?” “Eleven. Thought I’d take a chance you were still up.” “Well, I’m not. How did you find me?” “I could make a scene and wake everyone on the floor. Please, Julie. I won’t stay long.” She didn’t know whether he would follow through with his threat or be safe to have in her home. “I don’t want to talk with you, Jordan. I wouldn’t make sense now with the medicine in me, and I’m not sure you would, either. Go away. I’m not interested in your parenting drive.” “I’m not sure I see it that way. Perhaps I didn’t approach the subject all that wisely. I’d like a chance to justify myself so you’ll understand what I mean.” “No. I got the message clear enough. You want no emotional involvement, just sexual gratification. I’m not interested in being a sex toy. Go away.” Sudden dizziness sent her swaying backward, inadvertently allowing Jordan the opening he needed to push past her. She was about to 56
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protest when a mind-numbing buzz in her ear blotted him out. She teetered precariously. Jordan caught her before she hit the floor. He lifted her aloft in his strong arms and held her close to his chest as he headed for the sofa. The potent fragrance of unfamiliar but seductive cologne wafted about her nose. She was lucid enough to know something wasn’t right, but she had no control of her limbs let alone the strength to push him away. She leaned into his chest, too weak to fight his determined effort. Her cheek nestled between his denim shirt buttons and his shoulder. She seemed to be drifting in time and space. “How many pills did you take?” he asked as he lowered her onto the soft, tufted surface of the couch. “They gave me an antibiotic and another pill for the pain. I-I took a second pill for pain on the way home. When neither helped, I think I took one more. I can’t remember.” “Where’s the bottle, Julie?” His tone changed. She didn’t like this new bossy voice. She much preferred the soft, pleading articulation on the answering machine. She concentrated hard on his question. “What was the question, Gordon?” “My name is Jordan. Now where are the pills?” “What pills? You’re a pill.” “Don’t play games, Julie. Where are the drugs?” “The bottles are there.” She pointed randomly about the room. “One for pain pills, one for the antibiotic. I only took pills to stop the pain.” 57
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“Try again, Julie. Where’s the medication?” Why didn’t he smile? That would make her happy, and she wanted to be happy. “I remember,” she answered, pleased with her acuity. “On the kitchen table.” ~*~ Jordan returned with the vials, comparing the number of pills prescribed with the number left—three pills for pain were missing. He immediately called the hospital and explained what had happened. The responding doctor assured him taking that many wasn’t wise, but not dangerous, except she would be knocked out for some time and have a severe headache when she awakened. Jordan hung up the phone and looked down at her, already fast asleep. Her arm in the sling rested on her breasts and her other arm dangled lifelessly over the edge of the couch. “Well, Missy, you won’t be comfortable there. You might as well go to bed.” He lifted her once more and carried her down a short hall. With his foot he nudged open each of two doors until he found a bedroom. He laid her on one side of the bed and carefully tugged the blankets from beneath her. He removed her sneakers and put them on the floor, then sat on the mattress’s edge observing that her sweat pants were marked with wide blotches of dirt. After mulling it over, he pulled them off and slung them in the corner. He didn’t want to disturb her sore arm, so he left on her torn sweatshirt. His eyes roamed over her still form. “Man,” he whispered, “your body must have been assembled in Utopia.” His hormones jumped to life 58
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eliciting a strong sexual response in his body. A rapid-fire tap at the apartment door startled him. He hurriedly covered her with a blanket and returned to the living room. Jordan rushed to quiet the visitor. Keeping his frame hidden behind the door, he grumbled, “Don’t you know we have a doorbell here?” A short, dark-haired woman stood in the hall looking up at his face, her mouth agape. “We? Who the hell are you, and where is Julie? I heard from a janitor at the aquarium that Julie had an accident. I live upstairs. She’s my best friend.” Before he could stop her, the woman darted past, her eyes scanning the kitchen and living room. She turned just as he managed to stand behind a kitchen chair. He needed to get rid of this intruder quick or rid his body of his flagging arousal. He breathed a sigh of relief. Whew, flag lowered just in time. “Is Julie in the bedroom?” “Yes. She’s resting. Her pain medication wiped her out. I’m Jordan McIntyre.” “I’m Dana. I know all about you, Mr. McIntyre. I don’t expect she was thrilled to see you. Damn. My future inlaws are due to arrive shortly. I have to pick them up at the airport. I’ll see if I can call someone else to get them.” “Go ahead. I can stay for a while.” “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Dana shook her head. “It’s just that I haven’t met my fiancé’s parents. I wanted to make a good impression by being on time.” 59
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“I’m also concerned about her so I’m staying, anyway. I assure you, she’s in safe hands. You can check up on her when you come back.” Jordan put out his best smile and kept his tone pleasant and calm. Dana raised her brow, skeptical. “Geez, I don’t know what to do.” He pulled out his driver’s license. “This make it any easier?” Dana studied the card which identified him as who he said. Her facial muscles relaxed only slightly. “Even serial killers have drivers’ licenses.” “You don’t really believe I’m one, do you?” Dana scrutinized his eyes. “Well, she said nothing about you being sleazy. In fact, I think she was impressed. I want to see her before I go.” “Sure, come this way.” Dana quietly tiptoed through the open door up to Julie’s bed. Julie was snuggled peacefully under the covers, her breathing rhythmic and restful. “I heard she hurt her shoulder. Is it bad?” “Bad enough. She didn’t complain, but then, with the pain pills and antibiotics in her, she wasn’t feeling much.” Dana nodded, turned and left the room. “Okay, I guess you’re safe enough, but I’m writing down your license identification number. I’ll drop in later to check, once I get my guests settled.” “Good plan. I’ll stretch out on the couch and watch TV.” 60
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Dana’s smile tentative, her body language clearly showing her reluctance to leave, she scribbled his ID number on a page from Julie’s fridge reminder list. She deposited it in her pocket, passed his license back and walked to the door. “I probably won’t be back from the airport until the wee hours of the morning, Mr. McIntyre.” Her hand stayed on the doorknob; her eyes lingered on his face. It seemed to Jordan she was committing his features to memory in case something went amok and she was called to view a police lineup. “Julie will be all right.” “I guess it’s okay. By the way, sometimes the antibiotics the doctors give aren’t strong enough to pack the punch needed. If the pain gets worse, call the hospital.” “Will do!” Jordan’s tense muscles relaxed when he closed the door and slipped the bolt into position. He rummaged around the tiny kitchen and made himself a grilled cheese sandwich. A can of Budweiser from her refrigerator would satisfy his need for something strong to drink. After carrying his snack to the living room, he clicked the remote until he came to a football game, stretched his legs on the coffee table and made himself at home. Periodically, he tiptoed to her bedside, watched her for a few moments and returned to the living room. Dana phoned from the airport an hour later. The flight she was to meet wouldn’t be landing for another two hours. He enthusiastically reassured her that Julie was resting. “Our best bet is for me to spend the night since 61
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it’s so late. Julie and I have business to finish in the morning.” “Are you sure it’s no problem?” “I don’t mind in the least. It’s more comfortable here than in my motel room. Check in on us in the morning.” “Okay. Goodnight. And remember, don’t try anything.” Satisfied there would be no more interruptions from that source, Jordan returned to the couch, but his mind wasn’t on TV programming. He turned the set off and roamed the apartment, studying small nuances that brought Julie’s lifestyle into focus. Scrapbooks and photo albums of her childhood years displayed a time of high scholastic achievement. Since all of them were in plain sight, he didn’t think it inappropriate to occupy his time this way. She had garnished some of her mementos with pictures of friends, but there was no recurring theme of a particular man in her life in any of the books. There were no framed photos on the end tables, no evidence of anyone holding a profound place in her heart. She had filled her shelves with home-crafted knickknacks lending her special personal touch. A rosy warm glow spread into his tired body. Finding out where she lived had been a stroke of good luck. He bet inquiring about his strategy would be the first question she asked when she awakened. Jordan checked his watch. The hands had moved well past midnight. He had to decide where he should sleep. The sofa was far too short for his six-foot-three frame to 62
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sleep comfortably all night. Why are you doing this? he asked himself. She’s not interested in you or your goal and yet the possibility is there that she’s the ideal person for what you want. She’s bright, honest, sensitive and smart, likes children, is easy on the eye, and apparently has few people to interfere in my life. He walked into her bedroom and by the hall light observed her sleeping quietly. Dealing with her in the morning would require an unclouded head and a rested body. He turned on the bedside lamp and looked with envy at the empty space beside her. He noticed her ponytail had crunched under her head. He reached down and gently pulled off the elastic, carefully fanning the thick kinked strands across the pillow. She never moved. Thinking he might not hear from the living room should she wake in pain, Jordan grabbed a rose-colored blanket from the top shelf of her closet. It was then he took note of his surroundings. Almost everything in the tidy room was pink—the one color he couldn’t stand. Masses of tiny pink roses bloomed over the wallpaper’s white background. Her white bedspread boasted large pink roses in bouquets of all sizes, matching perfectly with her closed flowered drapes. Even the Kleenex holder on her nightstand matched the solid pink of the bed’s canopy and skirt. Not much wonder she had the tissues handy. She probably sneezed most of the time she was awake in this room. Just as he would if he didn’t turn off the light soon. This was without a doubt the prissiest bedroom he’d ever seen. The room spoke of an inhabitant 63
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who took great pains to espouse femininity in her private life. How come she hadn’t been snatched off the market long ago? Probably because of her tart tongue. Wearily, he removed his shirt and lay on top of the covers, spreading the blanket over his full length. When he rolled and faced her, her warmth penetrated through the bedding. The rise and fall of her breasts remained slow and even. The temptation to slip his arm beneath her head and smother in her crinkled curls played havoc with his mind. It took considerable effort, but he maintained the proud, hands-off policy he’d followed during her interview. Mixed emotions cut a swath through his conscience, but her angelic peacefulness dispelled his resentment of her abrupt departure from the restaurant. He’d been tuned to the challenge of understanding her at first sight. Instead, she’d barged into his life evoking responses he’d not have thought possible. Jordan pushed back a wisp of her hair that had fallen over her eye. Once she regained her senses, he’d convince her to go home with him. Satisfied things might just work out, he switched off the pink bedside lamp.
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Six Dawn slanted through the gap in Julie’s bedroom drapes. She turned from the glare. When warm arm air replaced the light, her eyes still closed, she reached for the heat source, but the sling prevented her movement. Pain lanced through her shoulder. Her eyes opened and popped wide when she looked into the blurred, rough-hewn features of Jordan McIntyre’s head on the pillow beside her. Good Heavens, how many meds did I take? I dream about him all night and now I’m hallucinating that he’s in bed with me. She lay motionless, blinking to clear her vision. Hesitantly, she lifted a finger and moved it through the blur to a crooked worry line trailing across Jordan’s forehead. She withdrew her hand in a hurry when she discovered he was not a figment of her imagination. She gasped when his big brown eyes opened and locked with hers. A broad, lazy smile crossed his lips. “Hello, there.” The deep, throaty rumble sent a quiver through her limbs. “W-what are you doing in my bed?” She quickly maneuvered to a sitting position. A bolt of pain, severe 65
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enough to take her breath, shot down her arm. Julie fell back against the pillow. Nauseated and feeling hot and chilled at the same time, she squinted, then grimaced to bear the burning heat in her shoulder. Her body shivered. Jordan bounced off the bed, went around to her side and gently wrapped his arm around her good shoulder, helping her back to a sitting position. She shied away from his bare chest. “Hold it. I want to take a look at your arm.” She wanted to protest his presence, but without waiting for permission he removed the sling and eased her sweatshirt over her head. Another painful jab distracted her from embarrassment. When he loosened one side of the bandage, she looked away from the fiery flesh. “What d-do you s-see?” “An angry red gash. It’s infected, dammit.” He studied the pus-oozing injury. “Didn’t they start you on antibiotics at the hospital?” “Yes.” When she saw the flush in his face, her heart pounded so hard she could barely catch her breath. Was her injury cause for panic? Then she realized the flow of her breasts above her bra’s enclosure had magnetized his eyes. Heat spreading in her cheeks sent her squirming under the covers. ~*~ Julie’s blue bra must have been designed by the patron saint of all men. Dipped low in the front, it exposed and supported breasts that were full and firm with a gentle, delicious ripple. Blessed to the extent any man’s blood would boil at the sight, beads of perspiration exploded on Jordan’s forehead as he struggled to avoid ogling. Furious 66
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with himself, he pulled on his shirt and boots. “We’re going back to the hospital,” he said briskly. She rolled her eyes, but a sudden yelp with pain warned she had no choice. She attempted to sit up again, but her weakness sent her crumpling to defeat. Jordan jerked a clean burgundy sweat suit from a hanger. She closed her eyes and allowed him to slip the sweatpants onto her hips and the sweater down over her shoulders. Julie’s hand felt cold and clammy when it accidentally touched his neck. The sluggish movements she displayed slowed him and weren’t a good sign. She opened her eyes. Her glazed expression started his heart pounding—he could hear it in his ears. He shoved on her sneakers without bothering to tie them and scooped her into his arms, ignoring moaned complaints. The early hour permitted him a speedy trip through empty city streets. He had her at the emergency entrance within a few minutes. Leaving her with the medical staff, he parked the Cherokee. On his return Jordan searched the department, then whispered her name from outside a pulled curtain. She answered softly, “I’m still alive.” She sounded like she was trying to reassure him and herself, too. He guessed she knew down deep how serious this was. His muscles stayed tense as he waited until a nurse opened the screening and revealed a fragile smile of gratitude on Julie’s face. A doctor looked up and spoke to him. “Julie has a severe infection. We’ve cleaned out the wound; now we’ll get her hooked to an antibiotic intravenous drip. She’ll have to stay for a few hours.” He paused from setting up the apparatus. “Is there anyone we should notify?” 67
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“No,” Jordan replied, “I’m here for her.” ~*~ Although the hospital bed brought support to her weak body, Julie’s head felt like it was wrapped in cotton gauze. Her insides rolled and pitched. Tired of being ill, she curled into a fetal position, then reached out and feebly latched onto Jordan’s hand wishing the new pain pill would quickly take hold. Taken with his hand’s coolness, she brought his fingers up and pressed his knuckles against her cheek. He left them there when her arm tired and fell to the mattress. His other hand pushed aside loose tendrils drooping onto her face. As the pill took hold, she snuggled deeper under the white thermal blanket. Soon delightful tingles took the place of fading throbs. The last thing she remembered was saying, “Thanks for being here, Jordan.” “My pleasure.” Both large hands pointed to six on the wall’s chromeedged clock when Julie awakened. Slumped in a vinylcovered hard chair, Jordan’s eyes fluttered. “This is a peculiar way to get to know an applicant better,” Julie murmured, adding, “and at her worst, too.” Jordan stretched his arms and yawned. He pulled his chair closer to her head so she wouldn’t have to strain her voice. “How do you feel?” “Fuzzy.” “I should call Dana and suggest she let your coworkers know you won’t be in for work. Do you have her phone number?” “Thanks.” She scribbled it on paper he passed her. 68
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He returned in a few minutes. “Dana said she’ll drop by your apartment after work.” Julie was so overwhelmed by Jordan’s thoughtfulness, her eyes burned with hot moisture. “You don’t have to stay, Jordan.” She squeezed his hand. “Thank you for being here when I needed someone.” She yawned. “I suppose you have more interviews scheduled. You’d better get some rest before you have to get on with your chore. Or have you already selected the ‘perfect’ woman?” “I have found the one I think would be perfect. Actually she’s kind of beat up, but her heart’s in the right place.” He carried a roguish smile on his lips. “The ‘perfect’ woman would want to leap into my arms and beg me to carry her off to the Rockies.” Julie forced a half-hearted smile. Disappointment settled like a chunk of lead in her chest. “I wonder what was in that last pill? I’m still sleepy and...” Her words trailing slowly with her tiredness, her brief show of energy faded. “You should go to this person before she takes off on you, too.” Her voice echoed in her ears. She thought she heard Jordan reply, but deciphering the garbled sound took too much effort. Rather than try to make sense of it, she drifted off again, free of pain and conscious thought. ~*~ The rustle of a newspaper brought Julie back to the real world. She opened her eyes and saw Jordan sitting beside her bed reading The Gazette. She didn’t move. The steel bed rails told her she was in the hospital; the pinch in her arm indicated she was hooked to an IV. At least she no longer felt like her brain was cocooned in gossamer fluff. 69
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Ever so slowly, she adjusted her head’s position so she could scrutinize Jordan’s face. Her picture of him cleared. His face exhibited a rugged carving like sculpted granite, permanent and strong. She found its solidity and definition striking. He glanced at her just then and smiled. His eyes mellowed. She guessed he’d kept close tabs on her while she slept. He reached over, laying his hand on her forehead and proved it. “Your temperature is down.” His soothing tone spoke relief. A quiver ran down her spine. She eased herself up on one elbow. How could he have such a seductive affect on her under these conditions? God, I must look a sight! “How long have I been out?” “About an hour this time. The nurse said the sedative they gave you should wear off about now.” He folded the newspaper and laid it on her bedside table. “Wait for a nurse before you try to get out of the gate.” “I’m fenced in for sure. Why are you still here?” “I don’t think you understood our last talk. I’ve picked you to come to my home, Julie. I think we’d be a good match because we want the same things: a child and no beholding to marriage vows. You seemed to like the idea of spending time in the mountains. You’d like the Lazy M.” “Jordan, I don’t think—” “Don’t answer yet; you’re still weak and need time to give my offer fair consideration.” Julie reflected on how Jordan’s charisma acted against her to put her own decisions out of commission. Once he set his mind on something, he went after it. His 70
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determination to ignore her “not interested” showed he usually got what he wanted. Based on that evidence alone she should turn him down. She drew in a labored breath and thought about his offer for a moment. Not sure of her capability to make rational decisions, she decided to take his advice. She settled back against the pillow. “So... how did you find out where I live?” “When you didn’t answer my calls, I figured I’d either find computer access at the library and trace you, or failing that, check out the universities. As it turned out, I saw you running at the park. When I lost sight of you, I guessed rightly that you worked at the aquarium. Since the building was closed, I asked a girl at the closest café if she knew you. Apparently you have your break there every afternoon.” “Mary wouldn’t give you my address.” “Anyone will tell anything if the extraction is done with care.” He winked. “I poured my charm onto the poor, defenseless girl and told her I had a piece of equipment you needed badly. That’s no lie.” Jordan grinned, obviously pleased with his humor. “I held my breath in case she asked for the details.” His eyes sparkled mischievously. “The rest is history.” Julie pictured the scene and couldn’t help but grin. Knowing how hard it was to avoid falling victim to his charisma, she sympathized with Mary. “How soon will they let me go home?” “The doctor said he’d be in to see you after he made rounds. All you have to do is stay quiet and let the antibiotics work.” 71
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“I’m too tired to do anything else. I feel like I’ve run a marathon. Could you put one railing down? I hate feeling trapped.” “I will if you promise to rest.” “I can’t do anything but.” Jordan’s presence at her bedside kept Julie’s body quiet, but her mind revved up, entertained with his occasional off-the-cuff-humor. She gained considerable insight into his personality as he tried to boost her morale. His strong will impressed her. He had charm all right, and it was difficult not to be swayed by it. Mary never stood a chance. When the doctor examined her again, he was pleased with her progress. Her temperature had dropped to slightly above normal, and best of all, she felt stronger. “Do you have someone at home to keep an eye on you for the next few hours?” the doctor asked as he made notations in Julie’s chart. She hesitated. “Yes,” Jordan answered, “I’ll be there.” The raise of his eyebrow warned her to keep silent if she hoped to be discharged. She acquiesced reluctantly. “Then, I see no reason to keep you. Take it easy with those sea lions. I hear they can get vicious. Next time it might be more than a cut we’re dealing with.” “It wasn’t the sea lion’s fault. I know how rambunctious they are. I shouldn’t have been rattled. The floor was slippery with water splashed from their pool. The germ count would have been high from their leavings. I’ll be more careful after this.” 72
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“Here’s a prescription for another type of antibiotic. Go easy on the pain pills and only use them when necessary.” The doctor nodded to Jordan and left. On the command of the charge nurse, Julie accepted a wheelchair exit with Jordan performing the task. He became adept at steering her around patients and visitors as he navigated the busy corridor. Julie appreciated the fresh smell of air free of disinfectant, as she waited at the entrance for Jordan to retrieve his rental vehicle. When she climbed in beside him, the thought he would be in her home again pricked at her nerves. How do I get rid of him? she wondered. He’d proven trustworthy when she was sick, but now? Jordan stopped at her neighborhood pharmacy and had her new prescription filled, giving her time to ponder her dilemma. A few minutes later, he pulled into the furniture delivery parking spot close to the door. “Thanks for all you’ve done, Jordan. I can take care of myself from here.” “You need someone with you until you get back to normal. I’m available.” He hurried around to her side and opened her door. She looked at the walkway and with apprehension remembered the steep flight of stairs inside. Damn. Weak as I am, he’s probably right. She felt as if she’d been dragged through a keyhole, and with her shaky legs she doubted she could make it up to her landing. She gasped when Jordan, supporting her arm to the bottom of the steps, nonchalantly lifted her and carried her upstairs as if she were a feather in want of a pillow. He deposited her gently on her feet at her apartment door. She fumbled in her sweatpants’ pocket, then realized she’d plopped the 73
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keys on the kitchen counter when she first came home. “My keys are inside.” “No they aren’t; I picked them up on our way out.” Jordan withdrew her key ring from his jeans and handed it to her. Julie unlocked the door and started to cross the threshold, but he buoyed her aloft in his arms again. She didn’t protest. In the short time she had stood, her entire body felt ready to give up on itself. Jordan kicked the door closed behind them, carried her into the living room, and propped her on the sofa with cushions. “Look, Jordan, I’m fine by myself now that I’m home. Really, you don’t have to stay.” She wanted him to leave. His presence in her small apartment was overpowering. “You aren’t fine. Is that sofa a hideaway?” She let out a sigh of defeat. “It makes into a single bed. How come you didn’t use it last night?” Now more alert, she wondered at his audacity in climbing into bed with her. A picture of him lying in repose on the pillow beside her intruded on her angst. Unbidden, she thought of how nice it would be to wake each morning that way. “I never thought to check if it pulled out.” He raised his hands in mock surrender. “Don’t go getting your hackles up. I honestly didn’t know this was a hide-a-bed. You were safe with me. Dana couldn’t stay, she had important company coming.” “Oh, yes, her future in-laws. She’s been worrying about their visit for a month and she already canceled out twice. A third time and she’d be dealing with a broken engagement. So you were here under duress?” 74
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“Not really. I wanted to talk with you anyway. I want you to come to my ranch, Julie. I know you think you aren’t interested, but... “ “No!” “Just for a visit... give yourself a chance to see where I’m coming from. A compromise isn’t impossible. You’ll love it there, and maybe we’ll at least come to a better understanding of each other. No strings.” He put his hands on his hips, stretching to full height. “You wanted a change; be adventurous and fly with the chance. Who knows? You may even persuade me to accept artificial insemination. I warn you in all fairness, though, I’ll try convincing you to come willingly to my bed.” Julie looked out the window, doing her best to ignore him, but the carrot he dangled carried an impossible intrigue. She jumped when he reached down and touched her shoulder. “The key word, Julie, is ‘willingly.’ The man had no qualms about throwing down his gauntlet. His darkened eyes and sober expression encouraged her to believe his sincerity. He’d known exactly what to say to tempt her. “I’ll think it over.” “By the way, Julie, your sweatpants had some kind of smudge on them that smelled like digested fish. I threw them in the corner of your bedroom floor. If they’re left there, they’ll give new meaning to the delicate roses on your wall. Where’s your washer? I’ll throw them in, then fix something for us to eat.” Julie smiled in spite of herself. This guy is an escapee from my fantasy world. She noticed the proud gleam in his eye. “I landed in scat—sea lion feces—when I fell. It has a disgusting odor.” She laughed and felt the heat in her 75
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face again. “Thanks for taking care of me, Jordan. I realized I was in a bad way, but I couldn’t make sense of what was happening to me.” “The pleasure was all mine.” “The washer is in an alcove by the bathroom door. The detergent is on a shelf above it. As for eating, I don’t think there’s much to choose from.” “Say no more, my lady. I’m a good cook, well, a halfway decent one, anyway. When my housekeeper is off on the weekends, I handle the kitchen chores. Stay where you are. I’ll do the honors.” Jordan’s eyes had lit up the moment she told him she would think about his offer. Why should she refuse this new help to cater for her? “Go ahead, do your worst. As your apparent hostess, I reserve the right of refusal if it looks like your cooking will be detrimental to my health.” “Good. You are in for a treat. Now rest. I’ll wake you for the feast.” His ridiculously wide grin seemed to grow more appealing every time he exposed his perfectly aligned teeth. Rest? Did he think she could? He had made a strong presentation of his case, but once he got her in the wilds, he’d be on his own turf, able to end her independence in a moment’s lack of grace. The strength of the pros and cons of going to his home and hearth had to be studied and carefully prioritized. She stretched her back and sunk deeper into the cushions. The sounds from the kitchen faded.
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Seven A wondrous odor filtering into the living room roused Julie from sleep. She automatically stretched her arms and found no restriction of any kind. She remembered she’d removed the inhibiting sling when she woke once and discovered Jordan had covered her with her soft blue afghan. Jordan! She sat up with care. Jordan’s back was to her as he rooted in the refrigerator for who knew what? She’d not done her weekly shopping and not much fresh food had been on hand the last time she looked. He turned, placed a carton of milk and several steaming dishes from the counter onto the table, then glanced over at her. “Ah, the princess didn’t need the kiss of a prince to waken? Too bad. I was looking forward to it. Dinner is served.” “That quick?” “You’ve been dead to the kingdom for over an hour, Julie. Let me help you up.” She rose, steadied herself on his arm and aimed for the nearest kitchen chair. She felt like he was escorting her to some kind of gala that lacked only a fancy dress code. She wondered what he thought of setting the table with 77
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Corel’s Blue Velvet Rose-patterned dishes after the bombardment of roses in her bedroom. When she sat down her curiosity got the better of her. “What smells so good?” “It could be the baked potatoes or the peas I found in your freezer.” “No, it’s better than that.” “What about the cukes in vinegar?” “No; it’s something spicy. Did you order in pizza?” “Certainly not. I told you I’d use my culinary skill.” “That’s okay if you had something to work with. What’s in the fridge is next to starvation level.” “And that’s what I used. Voilá.” Jordan lifted the foil off a plate in the center of the table exposing a small meat loaf covered with tomato sauce and two sprigs of basil from her windowsill herb garden. Her shoulders slumped. “Well at least it’s tantalizing to smell.” “Are researchers always so quick to draw conclusions?” “No. Just when they’re right.” “Personally, I think you sell a lot of things short. Here, try it.” Jordan sat down, leaned close, and cutting off a corner bite with Julie’s fork, zoomed it toward her mouth airplane style. She wrinkled her nose, but since she had no choice with the morsel dive-bombing for her lips, she accepted it with grace if not enthusiasm. He leaned closer still, propping his chin on his palm as he waited for the verdict. “Okay. You win! That’s good.” “How good?” 78
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“Very good.” He sat up straight, a wide grin on his face. “Nothing like hamburger, rice, egg and onion soup mix added for oomph. The tea is almost ready. Are you allergic to roses?” “No, why?” “Just thought you might be compensating considering your addiction to pink ones in the bedroom and blue rose dishes. I’m ready to start sneezing.” “One more thing that we don’t see eye to eye on, Jordan.” She smiled, recognizing that the more they learned about each other, the more polarized their interests seemed. They watched television through the evening and although Julie felt progressively better physically, her emotions were in shambles. Jordan’s stubbled jaw didn’t look ratty but instead heightened a distinctly macho quality that he wore like a glove. Sitting beside him, she was all too aware of his masculinity. She tried to organize her thoughts in a logical manner, but logic had flown on fantasy wings when she had awakened with him in her bed. While she yearned for the tranquility lost since the moment they met, superseding all else was the almost irresistible urge to run her fingers over his darkened jaw. Her rancher guardian had taken over her mind as well as her body. She wanted them both back. While the news anchor commanded Jordan’s attention, a plan formed in her head, but could she pull it off? I know enough to expect him to use his charm with his goal being sex. He made it clear he wasn’t interested in a loving 79
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relationship with anyone. I refuse to get involved and be hurt. Still, perhaps I could hone my own persuasive power so he might be willing to donate his sperm for my cause. Surely he could spare a few and forget about them. Should she go to his ranch, she would be out of her element and on his turf. Ignorance is bliss, but this could be dangerous, not to say stupid to boot. His true character troubled her most because she didn’t know what it was. She mulled over the traits he had already made painstakingly clear to her. He had been generous with his time, patient with her indecisiveness, yet determined to invade her life until she agreed to his requests. His persistence alone indicated trouble. Why is he so compelled to have me of all people? Maybe he sees a weakness he assumes he can exploit. Because of what he had done for her today, she wished she could give him the benefit of the doubt. If her mind hadn’t been on him, she wouldn’t have been careless and had the accident in the first place. But that was her fault, not his. The circles her mind traveled had nothing to do with her illness but demonstrated the main characteristic that made her a good scientist: a reluctance to make decisions until she knew all the facts. She found Jordan attractive and with her thirst to experience mountain life, the venture could be beneficial to her much-needed self-improvement. Julie had to know what lay beyond the confined standards she had set for herself. She had reason to think her moral principles, though shielding her from trouble, caused her to miss out on excitement. She massaged her temples, the pressure helping to sooth her tenseness. 80
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When she rolled up the sleeves of her sweatshirt, Jordan opened the window. “You’re not getting feverish again are you?” “I don’t think so; it’s warm in here. My body is probably out of whack from the battle going on inside it.” “It looked well-balanced to me when you were running. It’ll get back to normal soon.” He laughed with that deep throaty richness she loved. Jordan seemed intent on putting her at ease, but when he sat back down on the sofa, her comfort level dipped because he sat too close. His nearness mandated a need for space. Hers. She leaned against the sofa arm. Making her final decision wasn’t easy. As a rule Julie followed her common sense. This time she was thinking about embarking on an action that might not be sensible or safe, or even necessary. She could still go to a clinic. Yet, living on the safe side had not brought happiness or fulfillment. Another reason for going to his home suddenly sprang to mind. I still don’t know why a man as appealing as Jordan had to advertise for a partner to provide his heir. His excuse of lack of time doesn’t ring true. People make time for achieving their goals. The more she thought about it, the more her curiosity begged an answer. She glanced at the window and watched the silvery beam from a rising full moon drift across the sill. Abruptly, she left the sofa to gaze at the moon’s smiling face. It seemed brighter than usual. Is he smiling at my indecision? She heard a click behind her... the room darkened... another click ... the room silenced. A strong hand on her 81
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shoulder turned her toward Jordan’s face—a face that had the power to send her body into a tumultuous craving for something beyond the realm of her experience. Tiny tremors convulsed through her body. When his lips came down upon hers, she knew her need and lacked the strength to fight it. Her spirit soared at the touch of his hands. The gentle graze of his mouth on her lips stimulated every inch of her flesh. The kiss ended soon, too soon. She gasped for air, shocked that the intensity had for one thundering moment shorn away her defenses. Her brain kicked into gear. He’s certain that brief contact will overwhelm me and have me groveling at his feet. Not damn likely. She backed away. Moonlight accentuated his refusal to be dissuaded. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, his hands moving down to cup her buttocks. Before she could rebel, his warm breath teased her trembling chin. Recognizing victory, he bent his head and nuzzled her throat. Surprised by such a pleasant assault, she didn’t move, and when he switched his attention to her earlobe, she leaned into him, all thought of retreat lost. His hands stroked her back as he held her pliant against him. Like clay, ready to mold. He has a technique to die for. She gritted her teeth, hoping to regain control over her traitorous libido. It didn’t work. Her will went kaput. Finally, she raised her arms to encircle his neck. The hard strength of his muscular body loomed over her, providing such physical security she didn’t want to let go. Ever. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt just this once to take further advantage of his generosity. 82
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She planted a gentle kiss on the soft corner of his mouth. Conquest settled knowingly in his eyes as she matched her lips to his. Many things about this man enthralled her. His willing mouth, even his earthy, masculine scent, flaunted their power against instincts flagrantly warning her to back off. His smoky eyes penetrated the moonlight with a look that was bold and brazen—yet inside, though she quivered, she held no fear. She ignored the small voice at the back of her head calling for caution. ~*~ Jordan’s nerves strove for the most effective approach. He had vowed an attachment would never happen again, but Julie’s sweet tenderness could set the best intentions running for cover. Still, one disaster was enough for any man. His thoughts veered to the day he discovered his wife had found excitement in the arms of another man, in spite of giving her everything she wanted. He could not go down that road again. Marsha had completely fooled him. If it hadn’t been for the letter the housekeeper found in his wife’s lingerie drawer, he would never have known the secrets around him. The typewritten, nameless love note from one of the ranch hands mentioning times and places for their liaisons, not only sickened him but left him vengeful. Sex had been on her mind to the extent the tramp had been messing around with his own men. Why couldn’t she at least have been honest when he confronted her? Instead, she’d stormed out in a rage, leaving him to pick up the threads of his life in an emotional vacuum. He’d killed everything that night with his temper. 83
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Marsha’s smashed body leapt into view. For three years she had haunted his thoughts, playing games with his head. She couldn’t have found a better way of avenging herself if she’d tried. Still as fresh in his mind as the night it had happened, he recalled how cold the world seemed as he looked down on the twisted wreckage at the bottom of the gorge. Steam rising from the crumpled engine mixed with the mist hanging low in the hushed night air as he inched his way down the steep embankment. He remembered a distant owl sounding its call while it swooped through the trees in hunt of its prey. The who-o-o echoed like a scream from Hell. Even now he sometimes awakened filmed in sweat, listening for that eerie cry. Jordan forced himself to regain his composure. He was tired of being alone, tired of the emptiness that made him a hollow shell. The moonlight dancing on Julie’s hair fascinated him as loose strands fluttered gently in the soft breeze. Perhaps with her, he had a chance for a new life that would purge the horrors from his thoughts. She could bestow on him a son or daughter to give meaning to his life, and with her seemingly high morals, there wouldn’t be rude awakenings. Compromise, not subterfuge, was the only rule they needed. Unemotional but secure. He could chalk up his present unruly emotional interest to an out of control testosterone level. He’d almost forgotten how good a woman smelled. How soft a woman’s skin felt. This would pass. The innocence portrayed in her bright, questioning eyes held a force of its own, but allowing himself to become overwhelmed by their glory would bring disaster—for her and for him. 84
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One of them would have to keep a level head. Jordan guessed it should be him with so much at stake. He bent and sampled more sweetness from her lips. “Have you made your decision?” he prodded, pushing back from her, seductively adding a wink to let her know how welcome she would be. “Yes, Jordan, I have.”
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Eight As she stood in the moon’s glow, Jordan’s wink made Julie’s insides flutter with excitement, but her eyes held his gaze without wavering. “I’ll go to the Lazy M... let’s say for three-weeks.” Jordan’s brows knitted together, then a quirky grin crossed his face. Julie realized he was putting on his best face for her benefit. She wondered if his mental gears were grinding displeasure or advising him to bide his time. Since co-parenting with Jordan was off the table as far as she was concerned, her time frame disturbed her as soon as she spoke the words. She’d gone too far, stretching her visit longer than necessary. A single week near him would most likely provide enough of a scene change. Three weeks in close proximity to this hunk could cause the very emotional struggle she’d want to avoid. In her attempt to take flight from boredom, she’d added risk. Had she temporarily placed herself on autopilot, expecting
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to blissfully sail into his territory and come away unscathed? If so, she needed a lobotomy. Thinking it over, her curiosity would be put at rest if she could find out the real reason for Jordan’s need to advertise for an heir. Another plus for going suddenly crept up: his adverse qualities were apt to show up in the longer time span and deflate his appeal; then she wouldn’t forever moon over her lost chance to have him in her life. “When do you want to leave?” she asked, her courage boldly making its presence known. “As soon as you can get away.” In contrast to the solemn exterior she carefully presented, Jordan’s face betrayed his eagerness. Too much eagerness. Julie folded and rubbed her arms. “I hope neither of us regrets this.” “I know I won’t, Julie. I’ll do my best to see that you are pleased enough to want to stay.” He tucked a loose tendril behind her ear. “I like my independence. I’m not sure I’ll take well to being under your jurisdiction.” Her lips closed tight in reflection. Her educational studies had turned her into a recluse. She’d never had much time or energy to go out with guys who pestered her for dates. Once she’d graduated and found a job, Dana’s friendship filled her needs. It was only after Dana caught the love of her life and chose to move on with him that Julie had explored her surroundings and found them wanting. Looking at the males she knew on a limited 87
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basis, she’d become overly critical. None wielded fatherhood appeal. Julie sat back and watched Jordan with clinical detachment, awaiting his disapproval. He clenched his hands and scowled. Both signs of irritation passed quickly with a rueful smile. Hmm, temper control. Good. “If you aren’t happy with the situation, you can come home at any time. Just say the word. Your visit will help us get better acquainted, Julie. There’ll be no demands placed on you. Strictly vacation.” Jordan seemed sincere. His clear eyes stared straight into hers, but why did she feel something was amiss? Maybe because he’d been making demands on her since they had met and didn’t realize it. Still, she couldn’t shake the lure of life on a working ranch. “I have to work tomorrow morning. I’ll arrange time off and should be able to leave by noon.” “Is it okay if I stay at your apartment again tonight?” The least she could do in recognition of his help was to give him a night’s lodging. “If you don’t mind the couch.” “Your bed fitted better, but I wouldn’t presume on you to share it again.” “Good, because I’m not going to under any circumstances. I need rest, remember?” She laughed as he feigned a disappointed child’s pout. “I behaved admirably last night.” His eyes glistened with hope.
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“Yes, but now I’m fully conscious and that makes the difference. By the way, I want my own room at the ranch, and I don’t want to be harassed about it.” His skeptical raise of an eyebrow would have been funny in other situations, but it brought up doubts. If there was one more indication from him that she was creating difficulties, she’d back out. In fact, she’d probably renege in the morning if the reasons against going played on her mind very long. “I already said you’d have your own room.” “I’m just making certain. Will you pull out the hide-abed, please? I don’t want to aggravate my arm.” “Sure thing.” His responding grin had a devastating effect on her innermost thoughts. For a moment she felt her strict moral code weakening. Her illness must have affected her head as well as her body. By tomorrow she’d have herself straightened out. Jordan insisted she sit down while he worked with the bedding she brought from the linen closet. Instead, not wanting to have impudent thoughts racing through her mind, she gave an exaggerated yawn, then backed to the hallway. “If you’re all set here, I’ll cash myself in and go to bed. Goodnight, Jordan.” He paused in the midst of tucking in a sheet and saluted. “Happy dreams, Julie.” Julie fell asleep with Jordan’s low voice resonating in her head. Her sleep-bound circuitry wavered between 89
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visions of solitary confinement in the city and imprisonment somewhere in the Rockies. ~*~ Groggy from a restless sleep, Julie was relieved to see Jordan still sleeping when she entered the living room in the early hours of a sunlit morning. Well, I better make up my mind. Do I go on as I am or go fishing for trouble? If he hadn’t been so attentive when she needed help, the problem wouldn’t exist. He lay on his side, one uncovered foot extended beyond the mattress, his bare arm draped over the side. Even with his lips slightly ajar he looked appealing—like he could use a quick tucking of covers around his neck and a gentle kiss. Woe to the woman that tried. She’d probably be dragged between the sheets and not give a thought to breaking free. Moving quietly, Julie made a pot of coffee. When she checked on him again, Jordan’s eyes were following her, just like in her dreams. Her chest felt light and flippy. She made her decision: she would go. After all, his friendship had been there when she needed him most. By the end of three weeks, she might convince Jordan to donate to her cause, then leave her alone and go somewhere else to make use of the millions more sperm that could come for a more suitable candidate. ~*~ Through slit eyes, Jordan watched Julie move about the kitchen. She stopped to hold her thin robe closer and rewrap the belt, probably thinking she was being demure and keeping her body hidden from view. In actuality, she 90
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outlined her curves more distinctly, sending his imagination into overdrive. He counted the hours until they would be at his home, then placed bets with himself on the length of time before she would be snug in his bed. He didn’t like her limitations on his deal, but there was little to be gained by getting into a head-butting contest with her. If she had any idea of his hometown notoriety, she’d kick him out and bar the door. Once I get her on the ranch, I’ll explain my situation. Hopefully, before she hears gossip that could terrify her. ~*~ Leaving Jordan on his own after breakfast, Julie caught her usual ride to the aquarium. Dana listened earnestly as she drove the city streets. Her face showing signs of disbelief, she glanced over several times as Julie rattled on. “I have strong reservations about your trip, Julie, but at least a vacation among strangers in close quarters should force you out of your cocoon.” Dana slowed for an amber light, then stopped at the intersection. Julie watched a young woman guide two toddlers along the crosswalk. “I wonder if that woman realizes how lucky she is?” “She’s probably worn to a frazzle.” The light turned green Dana pressed on the gas. “When I barged into your apartment, I noticed Jordan was determined to be the one in control. You’re stubborn at times, so it would be an interesting match.” 91
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“There won’t be a match, leastwise, not a permanent one.” “Julie, could you do yourself one favor?” “Sure, what?” “I know you want a baby, but you don’t know Jordan, his family background, or his medical history. At the sperm clinics these things are checked out. Jordan is a big guy, and if he turns aggressive, you won’t stand a chance. Should it happen, pregnancy by force could spoil more than your mind-set. I think you ought to pick up the “morning after pill”. There are two pills actually, and you take them within seventy-two hours of the event. You don’t need a prescription in British Columbia.” “What are you trying to say, Dana? I’d never abort a pregnancy, which by the way, isn’t going to happen without my blessing.” “Julie, if you got pregnant without consenting to it, a child would remind you of the horror the rest of your life. All I’m saying is that you may not want to risk it.” “If I thought Jordan was dangerous, I wouldn’t go. There’ll be safety in numbers at the Lazy M. I already told him I’m not sleeping with him and he didn’t object.” She slid her hands back and forth along her thighs. “Then, I have one piece of advice for you.” “And that is?” “Keep your legs crossed!” Julie wrinkled her nose in disgust. Indecision reared again. “You think I’m being reckless, and I should cancel out? The trip could open new horizons.” 92
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“I’m not saying not to go. I just want you to be aware and safe because you are vigilant. Get the damn pills.” “Okay! Okay. I guess it won’t hurt to pick them up. I’ll get Jordan to stop at a pharmacy. Better yet, I’ll wait till we get to his ranch. There’s a town nearby and it’ll give me an excuse to go there on my own.” “If I don’t hear from you soon, I’ll call the RCMP to go in with guns blazing.” Julie gazed out the window in silence. Dana’s words weren’t encouraging. Still she couldn’t allow herself to be put off by them. She’d risen to the challenge of new things in a new environment before. She smiled at Dana’s protective nature. “Dana, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’m going to miss your candor when you leave.” ~*~ Jordan led Julie across the tarmac to a hangar flanked by private aircraft. He’d made no prior mention that he owned and piloted his own plane. Once they were seated, the plane’s bright red and white wings glistened as the Cessna 210 lifted from the runway. In a restrained, lowprofiled manner, Jordan was giving her insight into his life. She watched and waited for his ego to burst forth in boastful pride. It didn’t. The only sign of ego so far was in his authoritative confidence. Perhaps that was why she liked him. Areas that were her weak points—dealing with people and instant decision-making—he handled efficiently. She could learn from him. “Have you been flying long?” “Why, are you worried?” 93
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“No. You look like you know what you’re doing.” “I always know what I’m doing. I’ve had this baby for five years. I took lessons, then bought it to shorten my time off the Lazy M. I’m surprised you aren’t shaking in your boots.” The quizzical look in his eye showed his perception of her cautious nature. “If you knew how much I wanted to see the interior of the province, you wouldn’t be surprised. I’ve never taken the time before. We stick to the coast for sea lion research.” “I’ll give you a trip to remember.” She laughed. “I have no doubt.” As Vancouver’s skyline disappeared, the aircraft flew beyond clusters of suburban communities, soaring above forest-carpeted valleys and rapid-flowing streams. Most impressive of all were the snow-blanketed mountain peaks stretching skyward. Once past the Coast Mountains, the serrated Canadian Rockies dominated the skyline. Mesmerized by the awesome display of nature’s majesty, Julie sat quietly in her seat, hands folded. “I caught this view seven years ago, when I came west to attend UBC on a partial scholarship. The scenery hasn’t lost its magnificence.” “It’s even more beautiful where I live.” A touch of sadness springing up from deep inside surprised her. Even though her circumstances had changed in living on the West Coast, inner turmoil still hid in some painful recess of her heart. Leaving her Nova Scotia home had been agonizing, but she’d needed to distance herself 94
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from her parents’ death. With her time and energy devoted to her education, after a couple of years she had managed to subdue most of her demons. Now in the throes of challenge once again, she hoped she was sophisticated enough to meet it. Julie had no idea whether the Lazy M was large or small or even profitable, but she could guess. Jordan does things in a big way, and I’ll bet the ranch will be more than a modest hut and a few beef cattle. His dress and easy manner don’t testify to a man concerned with money problems. Another good characteristic: he doesn’t flaunt his wealth, just accepts it and doesn’t apologize for it. She took in a mind-cleansing breath to look at Jordan from a clearer perspective. The action failed. What she inhaled was his seductively spicy aftershave; what she exhaled was uncertainty. Jordan was more into flaunting his sexuality, whether consciously or not. It irritated her that her body responded. I wonder if he has considered I could be mercenary and after his money? He didn’t know she had ample savings, not only from her salary, but from lecturing at the university and from her numerous publications promoting environmental conservation in the fisheries. Knowing she had independent resources boosted her confidence. She could leave on her own without being beholding to him. Although she looked on this trip as a vacation, pregnancy wouldn’t be relegated to the back burner. Nothing changed the fact that she wanted a child on her own terms. The three-week time span gave her 95
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opportunity to study Jordan before approaching him for a donation. Julie laughed to herself remembering his request for a medical examination. Does he think I’m a woman of the world? What a laugh! My experience comes only from my rich imagination. I don’t think he was impressed when I asked for the same from him to prove he’s not shooting blanks. Though she focused on the panoramic beauty, her thoughts fixed on the pilot beside her. His firm thigh occasionally nettled hers when he shifted position. His bright eyes blazed a trail of temptation every time he glanced at her. To take her mind off Jordan, she removed the sling and rested her hand in her lap. Now she was free like the eagles she could see below. “How do you like the bird’s-eye view?” Jordan asked. “It’s breathtaking.” “Wait until we get further inland. It’s like no other place on earth.” “This is heavenly right now. Do you fly to Vancouver often?” “No. Only on business. I prefer to stay on my own land.” The mountains stood like proud sentinels with an everchanging view as the tiny aircraft wound its way through the passes, leaving one beautiful valley to enter into another equally awe-inspiring one. As Jordan pointed out landmarks, Julie found herself touching his arm for balance as she peered over his shoulder to look. The first 96
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time she reacted as if she’d been scalded, silently berating herself for her inappropriate carelessness. Because Jordan didn’t flinch at her spontaneity, she cautiously allowed her hand to stay on his shoulder the next time. After a couple of hours, the small farms dotting the landscape gradually thinned and the plane rose toward an area of thick, unpopulated vegetation. The Cessna lifted over a ridge then lowered into another alpine bowl. A rushing stream forged its way into a rock-bottomed channel, leading away from a valley. “Wow! That’s a deep gorge below us.” Jordan crossed over the gully, a couple of times, giving her a clear view. “That’s where Marsha’s car slid off the icy road.” A chill slid down her spine. The sides of the gorge were tree-swept steep banks. Unless his wife was crazy, she must have had good reason for traveling that road. She heard a sharp intake of breath before Jordan spoke. “You can see how the road winds close to the rim. We keep the way open for emergencies because it’s shorter to town.” He pointed over the dash. “The Lazy M is just beyond here.” Although she was more interested in scrutinizing the trailing rock slash, Julie looked up as the plane crested the rise. A nest of buildings suddenly appeared at the end of a cleared valley. It was only when her chest felt lighter that she realized she’d been holding her breath. Jordan circled the aircraft in a broad loop. A large herd of cattle grazed the range below them. McIntyre territory. 97
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Jordan landed smoothly, taxied across a grassy runway to an area of steel-roofed barns and corrals and brought the plane to a stop. A tall, lean cowboy, sporting a ready smile, hurried to Julie’s side to unlatch the door. “Hello, ma’am, I’m Cam Caldwell, foreman of the Lazy M.” His gray eyes watched her intently while she took his hand and stepped down. He guided her under the wings, leaving Jordan to retrieve the luggage. “Ignore him, Julie. Cam’s trying to give you the impression he’s a gentleman. Don’t judge him harshly if he falls flat on his face.” “Ma’am, I’m the safe and sensible one ’round here. Anything you need, come see me.” “Thank you.” Looking around her, Julie smiled contentedly; she’d always wanted to visit a ranch. Cam stared at her a moment, but his eyes clouded over. He unceremoniously dropped her hand. Julie saw the frown Jordan sent his way, but she knew Cam didn’t. “Hello, Cam. I’m Julie Reagan.” In an attempt to hide her nervousness, she managed another smile even though butterfly wings executed a fancy flight pattern in her stomach. The foreman’s eyes narrowed. Only a half-smile appeared on his face and quickly vanished when their eyes met. It was as if he had measured her and found something lacking. Her unease increased until Jordan came up beside her. “Can you take your eyes off my girl long enough to help me with her suitcases, Cam?” 98
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Jordan’s exaggerated familiarity filled her with mixed emotions. He shouldn’t take too much for granted, and yet, attracted as she was to him, heat filled her body. She looked at Cam’s sour expression, wondering if she should have dressed with more formality than in her new black jeans and open-necked red shirt. Maybe her outfit was like a flag to a bull; if so, that was his problem. Cam grabbed her larger suitcase from Jordan and without another word tossed it like a sack of potatoes into the back of a beat-up gray Ford 150 4x4. “Hey, easy with my things.” Julie tried to remember if that particular case held her moisturizing lotion. She relieved Jordan of her overnight bag and placed it gently beside the big one. Jordan set his worn brown leather satchel beside the others. Forget Cam. Jordan’s the one I’ve come to connect with, and if he doesn’t back off from taking over my life, I’ll be on the first flight I can get back to Vancouver. Her memory of the crowded city she’d just left lost some of its oppressive quality in the coolness of the foreman’s welcome. Her anonymity on Vancouver’s streets lent a privacy she’d never envied before. It was only in recognizing Cam’s disapproval that she concluded change isn’t always for the good. She inhaled the crisp mountain air and calmed herself. It didn’t pay to make hasty judgments. She’d been proven wrong before. But not often.
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Nine The chill in the air encouraged Julie to put on her black fleece-lined jean jacket and slide quickly into the front seat. Cam hopped in back for the short ride to the front of a rustic cedar log cabin. When Jordan stopped the truck, Cam leaped out and opened her door. “Jordan, I thought you said whoever you brought back would stay with Maggie and me?” “Did I? To tell you the truth, I wasn’t expecting to bring anyone home. I changed my mind.” “You’re the boss, but Maggie sure isn’t gonna take kindly to your decision. She knows the kids are noisy, but she’s been craving another woman’s company.” “She’s got Liz.” “You know Maggie doesn’t like her. I’ll put the luggage inside, then get back to working with that dam... darn ewe.” When Cam was out of range, Jordan muttered, “Hiring childhood buddies has its drawbacks, and though Cam’s reliable, he tends to question too much.” Julie hoped Jordan would elaborate on the evident conflict between Cam’s wife and the Liz person Cam had 100
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mentioned, but Jordan didn’t pick up on her interest. Instead of leading Julie into the cabin, he turned her around by the shoulders so she looked on the yard below. “What you see here is only a small part of the ranch. I’ll take you on a tour later.” They stood quietly for a few minutes so Julie could observe the fundamentals of a working ranch. She watched four riders come in from the rangeland, dismount and disappear into the barns. “How many—” “I’ll see ya later, Jordan,” Cam interrupted coming from the cabin. “By the way, I called Maggie. She’s expecting you both to come for supper tonight. Six o’clock, okay? She’s ticked Miss Reagan won’t be staying at the big house, but she’s excited about having another pret— ah, someone her own age close by.” Cam turned to Julie, his expression grim. His eyes cut a swath from her hair, styled in a neat ponytail, to her sneaker-clad feet. Another inspection? What is it with these cowboys? She arched one eyebrow high. Cam backed away and doffed his black Stetson. “See you later, ma’am.” Julie stiffened. “Yes, thank you.” Obviously, she hadn’t impressed one member of the ranch. Would the others be the same? Her need for additional wariness eroded what little security she had. Jordan must have sensed her discomfort because he slipped his hand to her waist and squeezed. His action was a tad too bold for her liking, but it eased Cam’s obvious contempt. “This is a beautiful spot, Jordan. I can hardly wait to see the rest. You built this cabin yourself?” 101
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“My logging crew helped. What it lacks in elegance, it makes up in efficiency, and I don’t lay awake at night listening for ghosts.” His statement was an opening to bring up the subject of his wife, but she knew it could rub salt into old wounds. To pry into his past would be cruel and none of her business. Other things about him intrigued her as well. His ownership of valuable property contradicted his apparent preference for a simple lifestyle—small cabin and a truck that had seen better days. He would be an interesting study in contrasts. Julie broke away from her thoughts. “I like the way your home nestles against the mountain base.” Like a cub seeking protection with a mother lion. How seldom I’ve ever felt safe. If I could overcome the insecurities in my personal life, what a joy it would be. Jordan swung his arm in a large horizontal arc. “The Rocky Mountain weather system is unpredictable because of the high elevation and rugged topography. We have excellent protection here. Occasionally, storms get hung up on the other side while we have sunshine.” He stopped his proud explanation for a minute, seemingly in thought. “Julie, would you rather have stayed with the Caldwells?” “Not with your foreman’s attitude. I got the message he’s not excited to have me visit you. Next time he acts snotty, I’ll be tempted to bite back.” Jordan laughed. “Cam was the one who insisted I put an ad in the paper. Maybe he’s had another argument with Maggie, but that’s no excuse for his behavior. I could have fired him on the spot and he knows it. Cam’s more than my right hand man; I’d hate to do without him.” 102
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Jordan’s eyes mellowed. “I’ll check out his reaction tonight.” “Don’t make waves on account of me. I don’t want anyone angry because I’m here.” “Neither do I, and that’s why I’m going to see what’s going on.” “Cam’s not in a happy marriage?” “He and Maggie were, once, but not lately. I’m not sure why. Cam can be pretty closemouthed... and loudmouthed. After what I put up with in my own marriage, I’m not going to ask. Maybe you can get a better handle on it from Maggie, then fill me in on the problem. If there’s some way I can help them, I will.” Hmm, add generous, kind, and concerned to the mix. Jordan’s almost too good to be true. The last thing Julie intended was to spy on people she didn’t know. Naturally attuned to studying actions and reactions, she’d keep her eyes open, though. She copied Jordan’s removal of his jacket and hung hers next to his on a wall peg just inside the front door. The tiny foyer opened into a small living room dominated by a stone fireplace with a raised hearth. The unstained mantel, a hewn lengthwise half of a log, had been varnished to a rich luster. On top of it sat a multitude of silver trophies. On closer inspection Julie read that recognition had been awarded the Lazy M for the best of breed at various cattle shows. On the hearth, nativedecorated clay urns held golden dried reeds and grasses. A green plaid chesterfield and two chairs formed a cozy arrangement on top of a darker green, circular braided rug. 103
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The homey furniture and rich natural beauty of the cedar log walls exuded warmth and welcome. Julie’s tension evaporated. Jordan’s eyes lit up when she smiled. He pointed her in the direction of the kitchen, also situated at the front of the house. Though small, it provided adequate natural-finished pine cupboards and forest green counter space. It even contained a dishwasher along with the other gleaming white appliances. “This is beautiful, Jordan.” “I didn’t allow curtains to obstruct the view here or in the other front room.” Julie stepped to a varnished pine picnic table with matching benches stationed in front of the kitchen’s bay window. Like the window in the living room, the scenery highlighted the mountains looming above it. She lingered, her hands barely touching the glass, unable to draw herself away. In the splendor of this place, she couldn’t let Jordan’s scrutiny of her interfere with her enjoyment. In fact, the titillating inspection burning into her back provided thrills of a different nature. ~*~ Jordan waited for Julie to show disappointment at the simplicity of his way of life. She showed none. The roughest spot had been when she met Cam. Tension had split the air like a lightning bolt coming over the mountain. Jordan couldn’t put his finger on why it should be, but he could sense a problem brewing. He’d see it didn’t reappear after he learned the reason for Cam’s apparent dislike of the ranch’s new guest. Probably the root of the trouble was that he’d gone against Cam’s notion and met with the woman Cam hadn’t thought a 104
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suitable match. Jordan wondered what was not to like about Julie? As she stood admiring the sight before her, the thought crossed his mind that with her stubborn convictions, she fitted in here. And it pleased him. Her obstinacy would be a challenge. A buoyant perspective was key to making the most of the three weeks. A fine line existed between enjoyment of intimacy and not allowing such a relationship to overwhelm his life. This was not going to be as easy as he first thought. ~*~ A sound at the kitchen’s threshold distracted Julie. She turned from the window and saw heavy blue mascaraanointed eyes staring back at her. The tall woman’s pinched lips burst with deep red color. Once Julie’s eyes traveled beyond the heavily made-over face, she couldn’t avoid noticing the large breasts peeking over an armful of freshly laundered towels. Long, flowing, straight black hair and a swarthy complexion gave evidence of native heritage. “Jordan, I didn’t hear you come in. I was in the basement unloading the dryer.” The woman’s beady eyes raked Julie from top to bottom. “Julie, I want you to meet my housekeeper, Liz Nelson. We were school buddies, too. She takes charge of my home.” I’ll bet she does, Julie thought, then berated herself for being catty. “Hello.” “Liz, this is Julie Reagan. She’ll be staying here for a while.”
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Julie caught the momentary censure that passed over the housekeeper’s face. Make that two people not glad I’m here. “You mean Miss Reagan is staying in the cabin? Wouldn’t she be more comfortable at the big house?” “She’ll stay here, Liz.” Julie noted how Jordan’s tone firmed. The housekeeper’s sober expression gave Julie pause for again considering a quick retreat back to the city. “Jordan has told me about you, Liz. It must keep you busy looking after his home and helping out at Cam’s house as well.” “I-I’m pleased to meet you, Miss Reagan. Jordan has told me nothing about you.” The housekeeper’s mouth displayed a wry smirk; her eyes bestowed a frosty chill. Liz turned abruptly to Jordan, “I’ll get the guestroom ready while you take Miss Reagan over to meet the Caldwells.” Julie shrugged. Welcome to Frankenstein’s castle. “The room’s okay, Liz.” Jordan said. “I checked. You changed the bedding when you stayed here during the last storm.” In what capacity? Julie wondered, then stared down at the floor feeling her face heat. “Did Cam know ahead of time she was coming?” Liz asked. “Only at the last minute.” The woman’s belligerent tone grated on Julie’s nerves, but she had to overlook it. Perhaps she misread the meaning. She tried not to make quick judgments, and her 106
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immediate dislike for this woman went against her spirit of fair play. “I’ll scrounge up something for lunch,” Liz muttered in a most inhospitable way. “There’s no need,” Jordan stated flatly. “I’ll make western sandwiches while Julie unpacks. We’ll be having dinner tonight with Cam and his family. I expect Maggie could use your help right now.” “But, Jordan, you know there’ll be talk if Miss Reagan stays here. That’s the last thing you need after... S-Surely she doesn’t want to get off to a bad start on the ranch?” Liz’s eyes skirted hopefully back to Julie’s face. “Don’t worry about it, Liz!” Jordan’s voice took on a harsh tone that Julie would rather not ever hear sent her way. The housekeeper seemed to realize she’d overstepped her bounds and lowered her eyes as she backed from the room. The front door slammed. Julie watched from the window as Liz stomped across the yard toward a large older house across the valley. “She’s sure not pleased to have me here with you, Jordan. If it will cause problems for you, I could—” “No, you couldn’t!”
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Ten “You’re staying in the cabin with me, Julie.” Jordan splayed his arms toward the kitchen walls. “What Liz thinks, doesn’t matter.” He moderated his tone, “Please excuse her bad manners, but she was being overly protective. The ranch employees don’t govern my life.” “I don’t want to create waves. What did she mean, ‘that’s the last thing you need?’” Jordan rubbed the back of his neck. His eyes darkened as if a storm cloud passed through his mind. Julie could tell her question perturbed him, but she couldn’t help her curiosity. “A great deal of gossip erupted when my wife died. Liz doesn’t want to see it start again.” He paused and grinned. “Besides, she probably doesn’t want to share me.” “Share you? Are you some sort of stud in demand?” “I’m just trying to make light of a not-so-light situation.” Julie didn’t appreciate his sense of humor at a time like this. Had he and Liz something going between them? Although Jordan didn’t take the housekeeper seriously, Liz’s hostility roused Julie’s sense of survival, which 108
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operated at maximum power anytime she was near mammals in heat. In spite of him brushing off the housekeeper’s words, Julie intended to pay strict attention where Liz was concerned. “Could you show me where Cam put my things?” Unexpected circumstances always put Julie on edge. Better to get her mind off her discomfort by doing something useful. “Sure, this way.” Jordan led her to a closed door down the hall. His eyes twinkling, he stood aside, motioning for her to open it. As she turned the knob and pushed, a delicate scent permeated the air. She paused, sniffing in the fragrance, then moved inside. Roses of varying pink shades filled three vases—two on the pine dresser and one on the nightstand. “My favorite flowers!” “I phoned Cam and told him to see if he could find roses in town, supposing he had to settle for plastic ones. He thought I’d had too much to drink, when I specified pink.” Jordan strutted into the room prouder than a peacock. “I’m flabbergasted! Thank you.” Julie walked to the dresser and buried her nose in one of the blossoms. Her eyes filled with tears. “No one has ever given me flowers.” She lifted her head, blinked the moisture away and counted. “Good Heavens, there are four dozen.” Jordan sneezed three times in a row. “They’ll be more effective than a lock in keeping me out.” Julie smiled and spun on her heel to face him. Jordan backed to the doorway. “Is there anything else you’ll need to make your stay comfortable?” He tossed an impish wink. 109
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She scanned the room. Her luggage sat on royal blue carpeting that contrasted beautifully with the natural wood interior. “I don’t think so. Hey, who painted the two wood-framed landscapes?” “Me. I dabble in oils in the winter. Most of them I pay a few bucks to have people take out of my sight.” Jordan raised his eyebrow quizzically searching her face. “I’m prepared to give you time, Julie,” he whispered. A tingling sensation skittered along Julie’s arms. Heat once again suffused her cheeks. “Time for what?” “To get to know me before I palm any paintings off on you.” Embarrassed at her first interpretation, she rolled her eyes, then turned back and examined the room. A white heirloom bedspread graced the double bed and with the paneled white lace curtains lent a welcoming oldfashioned charm. She knew she could settle in easily... if Jordan stayed out. He must have read her mind. “The bathroom is between your bedroom and mine.” He opened to the room. “Lock my door when you’re in there. I’m not used to company.” While Jordan’s grin betrayed impudent thoughts, Julie's mind darted to an image of him walking in unannounced while she languished beneath foaming bubbles of a candle-lit bath. She almost choked when his eyes sharpened as if he deciphered her thoughts. She inspected the burgundy towels and facecloths, admiring their match with the shower curtain and fluffy chenille mat. All bore the monogram M. A corner tub rack held three shelves of assorted men’s toiletries. She 110
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wondered if he took showers or preferred lingering hot baths as she did. The burgundy rubber pad on the bottom of the tub answered her question. Surfacing from her dangerously erotic thoughts, she was startled to see Jordan had disappeared. Curious to peek further into his private life, she followed his footsteps but stopped at the doorway of the next room. Standing next to an unadorned floor-toceiling window, he watched her enter. She quickly switched from looking at him to studying his bedroom’s interior. Her intentional glance lengthened when she found the bedroom’s masculine domain disturbingly intimate—like Jordan himself. No frills greeted her discerning eye, but the gleaming pine floor enhanced a bearskin rug at the bed’s side. Just as she had anticipated before she came in, a king-size bed dominated the space. Covered with a homemade patchwork quilt, two giant pillows lay plumped against the head of the bed. His bedside table supported a brass-based, greenshaded reading lamp, a digital alarm clock, and a hardcover book. Open, with a bookmark wedged in the pages’ groove, she couldn’t read its title, and she had no plans to move closer to the bed to do so. The situation became unnerving when Jordan walked to his bed and sprawled on the mattress, his sock-covered wiggling toes beckoning. “You probably find this room boring—not a rose petal in sight.” “That dead bear with his teeth set to bite kinda livens it up.” She giggled, then quieted when she noticed he didn’t smile. 111
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Finally, he said, “The rug feels great on bare feet. You must try it sometime.” Her pulse stepped up a notch. “Bare on a bear rug?” “It’s kind of sensuous if you want to give it a try.” “Thanks for the invitation but I’ll pass.” Opposite the bed, the large bureau supported a TV and VCR. Over the bed a huge gold-framed painting of horses running free heightened the room’s masculine aura. “You painted that, too?” “Yes. The lead horse is mine; you’ll meet Star shortly.” “I think you do more than ‘dabble’ in paints. You have a real feel for action.” “It’s my strong point.” He grinned. “I’ll try to control myself.” She felt her cheeks flush and hurried to distract herself further. The room was designed to capitalize on the rugged landscape framed by the window. Jordan’s lean physique contributed additional sensory stimulation. The room had filled with sexual energy. Julie’s thoughts sent a shot of lust through her limbs. Her upper lip filmed with moisture. Why was her mind even dwelling on sexual images? Perhaps her objective outlook on life had taken a holiday. Her face grew hotter as she realized Jordan’s eyes were fastened on her. “If you want to watch TV, come in here... anytime.” His eyes danced with merriment. Julie figured her fancies must have registered in her face and he was feeding off them. She hurried to the kitchen. ~*~ 112
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Good for her that she’d taken off, Jordan thought. He was right on track and if he’d had the least encouragement, he would have lain her gently on the covers and coaxed her to passion. Today, however, a clear head must prevail. With her stubborn streak, she would probably call the cops. He’d had enough dealings with the RCMP. The vibrant blush of her complexion showed her inexperience toward matters involving intimacy. That surprised him. He sauntered after her. “We have a satellite dish. The reception is good in spite of our sheltered position. If you want to watch a movie, as much as I would like to, I won’t bother you.” His innuendo accomplished what he couldn’t resist: making her blush again. Her eyes sparkled like morning dew on new spring grass. Julie’s interest and obvious pleasure in her surroundings convinced him that she was a bargain at any price. Close quarters hopefully would stoke the embers he believed burned deep within her. The thought of holding her naked and timid aroused aspirations long absent from his life. Need pulsed through his veins. To banish the bitterness that haunted him night and day, he had been with a couple of women in the three years Marsha had been gone. Nothing came of it. Local gossip soon destroyed any involvement. As he watched, he wondered if it was Julie’s bright-eyed innocence that attracted him or the challenge when she turned his project down. Anxious to find out, he would play his hand carefully. And maybe in the end, he would get his heir and the intimacy he now yearned to share. 113
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~*~ Julie gazed out the kitchen window. The heat that had built in the bedroom mounted again with Jordan’s approach. His lighthearted side would have been okay if his words hadn’t reminded her how easily she could fall prey to his magnetism. She’d seen enough of unreturned love for a lifetime. She could still read signs, and the provocative glances he’d thrown her way broadcast loud and clear that any hint of sexual interest from her could result in a quick trip under the covers. “Did I frighten you away?” His husky voice hit a nerve. “Of course not. I trust you to behave, Jordan. I expect you to keep your word and treat me as a guest. I seldom watch TV so I don’t need to be in your bedroom. I noticed you have a shelf of books by the fireplace. Sci-fi isn’t my taste, but tastes can change.” “I’m banking on that.” Jordan’s innuendoes didn’t frighten her, annoying as they were, but what put her on edge was her response to them. Constantly flushing could give him the idea he was making progress, which wasn’t true. Still, why did she tingle every time he opened his mouth? Her tingling seemed more easily aroused here in the mountains. Could it be that within his realm, his more powerful position sensitized hormones she’d long thought dead? If she weakened further, she could be set on a course of emotional pain for the rest of her life. This is what Dana tried to warn me against. Why didn’t I see the pitfall more clearly? Because he’s a master at persuasion and it isn’t even vocal. Jordan exerts an even stronger presence when 114
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secure amidst his possessions. I noticed the change as soon as we’d gone aloft. Julie took a deep breath, determined to behave sensibly even if she were out of her league. In her job she had authority and responsibility, too, but not to his extent. “I like your home. Your appreciation of nature shines through. Thank you for inviting me.” She hoped she flattered him enough to get that man-after-woman expression out of his damn eyes. It worked. His male pride stroked, he beamed a different kind of pleasure. She wondered if charisma came packaged in a gene. “Julie, why don’t you sit at the table and admire the view while I make the sandwiches?” Geez, he is something special. “There’s time enough later. I’d rather help. Show me where everything is and I’ll make the coffee and set the table. I might be a guest, but I’ll carry my share of the load.” As they worked side by side, Julie drifted into an alliance of relaxed companionship, enabling her to suppress her doubts. Jordan’s speed at finely chopping ham and onion, then mixing it with beaten eggs to fry, showed he was no stranger to his stomach’s call. This informal atmosphere brought out a rare sense of fun. The nearby presence of two individuals who didn’t want her here no longer seemed important. While she helped, her thoughts darted to life at home with her parents. She tried to remember a time when they had worked as a unified force, but the memory escaped her. They had found a sick joy in tearing each other to shreds. If Jordan could generally be as he seemed right 115
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now—both accommodating and thoughtful—maybe she’d been wrong in her assessment of male-female relationships. She drew herself up straight. She’d only just arrived and already Jordan was challenging her perceptions. What would happen with more time under his wing? She wanted to be open to change for her own sake, but her present values were embedded deep. Maybe she could change the tune and challenge his views on emotional ties, or maybe he’d generously offer genetic material without a fuss. And maybe the moon really was made of green cheese. The route her mind traveled often shocked her, but never more so than today. The camaraderie and the rustic warmth of Jordan’s home were disarming. Julie inhaled the rich aroma wafting from her mug, then took several sips to combat the dryness in her mouth. Remembering she was alone with a man she hardly knew, she poured a heaping spoonful of sugar into her brew and stirred nervously. “You don’t feel at ease with me, Julie?” Jordan placed the plate of sandwiches on the table and sat down. “Why would you think not?” “I’ve noticed that when you’re uncomfortable, you add an atrocious amount of sugar to your coffee.” He drank from his mug and murmured, “Ummm, this hits the spot.” “The sugar will give me energy to deal with two people on your ranch who don’t want me here.” “I swear, I’ll take care of it. Guess what?” “What?” “I promise not to bug you the first week.” 116
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“I thought I made it clear this is only a vacation, Jordan.” “Well, you know what I have in mind, but you also know you can trust me.” Right. His very presence perturbs me. I’d better lay off the sugar. It only wires me and makes me more tense. “If I ruffle friendships with your school buddies, my being here could be a bad omen.” Jordan’s Adam’s apple bobbed with a giant swallow of coffee. “Maggie will give you a break from us all, which no doubt will please you. I know you’ll like her.” “I like most people. I didn’t earn any points with Cam. It might have helped if you’d called and warned Liz I was coming.” “Cam was supposed to tell her. You make good coffee; want a refill?” “Yes, please. The sandwich is delicious.” She laughed, happy for a change from the topic. “I’m not used to bread cut this thick, but you seasoned the filling just right. If I eat this well while I’m here, I’ll pile on pounds.” She wished she had bitten off her sentence because her words gave Jordan ample reason for another body inspection. The sensuality curled her toes. To divert herself from his admiration, Julie eyed the spectacular view of the rock face looming above the ranch. The elongated peaks crested with overhanging mats of snow silhouetted against a darkening sky. “Because of the mountains blotting out the sun’s descent, it gets dark early up here, doesn’t it?” “That’s why we get up at dawn to get the bulk of our work done during daylight.” 117
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The heavily forested sections intrigued her. “Are there trails going through the woods to the timberline?” “We’ve logged many places so there are a number of roads. I can take you up sometime and let you get a different feel for the ranch. One thing, there’s a cougar in the mountains that thinks the Lazy M belongs to him. He makes do with a meal of fresh lamb now and then, but his tastes could branch to sweeter flesh.” Julie shuddered. “He kills your sheep?” “Several, lately, at the higher elevations. He’s getting bolder, but that’ll be his downfall. Every man here is good with a Winchester. It’ll only take one shot.” Julie had been so lost in the wondrous expanse stretched before her, she’d forgotten four-footed danger lurked in the beauty. City life came to mind. Vancouver’s peril lay in those addicted to heroin and cocaine. Avoiding the mindless addicts talking to themselves as they roamed city streets, she’d had few troublesome encounters. Avoiding troublesome people here should work. ~*~ Julie’s distraction gave Jordan ample opportunity to study her carefully. He explored her profile, fascinated by the clarity of her delicate complexion. The strong winds gusting down the valley and the chill in the mountain air should put color in her cheeks. He groaned internally. He was smitten, and why not? Her green eyes sparkled whether she was bothered or excited. What would they be like in the throes of passion? He hoped to find out before long. His need to know had nothing to do with gaining an heir and everything to do with the massive temptation consuming him. 118
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Each time Julie looked at mountain scenery, she radiated joy and made his heart pump that much faster. He was fascinated by the fullness of her lips as an unconscious run of her tongue along their lengths made them glisten. He especially liked the way her breasts filled the material of her top as she strained to absorb the details of the craggy mountain walls. Plain and simple: Julie bewitched him. He wondered what thoughts meandered through her mind. He longed to know if he was implanted in her mind like she had wormed into his until he could think of nothing else except claiming her for his own. He should break her spell before the worst happened—his own destruction. He had barely survived Marsha’s deceit. Marsha had paid a dear price for it. Perhaps, for sanity’s sake, he should put his interest on a business level for the time being. He understood business. He didn’t want to know the depth that could lie hidden beneath seduction. Love was a misery he wouldn’t seek again. “Julie?” He cleared his throat, “Don’t get riled, but I want to make it clear that I intend to pay you for your time. It was on my insistence you came. It has nothing to do with thinking you’re a hooker.” ~*~ Jordan’s declaration snapped Julie out of her thoughts of home. “Jordan, this is a vacation. I get paid for it. Forget about money.” She added softly, “I know you mean well, but I don’t want a monetary value placed on my presence.” “Okay, but if you change your mind, let me know.” 119
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Jordan’s enthusiasm and generosity made it impossible to dislike the man. In reality he was an enigma, but she hadn’t seen anything about him yet that turned her off, even though his view of emotional involvement should send her running. When he thought she wasn’t watching, the mystery in his eyes intrigued her. She saw it again in the curt defiance of his employees. Friends didn’t interfere without good reason. There were secrets afoot. The disappointment Cam and Liz showed seemed to roll off Jordan’s shoulders, but she couldn’t be sure. He was in for a surprise if he thought she would succumb to his wishes as Cam and Liz had. What she worried about was surrendering to his charm, forgetting his shadowed side. In the brief time Julie had known him, she’d noticed that he calculated every step. His search for her, his invasion of her home life and the persistence to get her here, were fundamental acts of a powerhouse governed by motivation and experienced at control. He’d bear watching. She scrunched her shoulders to loosen her tension, then faced him squarely. “Jordan, I need to pick up a few things at the drugstore. Tomorrow, if possible. I didn’t think of them when I was packing.” “Sure, no problem. I’ll take you there myself.” “If I had a map you wouldn’t have to bother. I can drive, you know. I’m between cars at the moment. The city bus system is less bothersome, so I put off getting another when my ’88 Mustang bit the dust.” “The ranch needs a few supplies. We’ll plan on having lunch in town.” Julie covered her disappointment with a slight smile. She wanted a little space away from Jordan’s realm to 120
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explore the surroundings on her own. She should have expected this restriction. What else had she overlooked? she wondered as they put the food away, cleared the dishes, and cleaned up the kitchen. Being near him in a situation where they functioned effectively took its toll. It stimulated every nerve running the course of her body. Innocently developed from her eagerness to help, an awareness of the sexual implications of their close contact speeded up her pulse. She’d best avoid such thoughts and concentrate on his cooperation should she be so bold as to request a sperm donation. She’d be treading a thin wire. She noticed him watching her. “Something wrong?” “Nothing at all. Just admiring the view.” She picked up an unused glass to return to the cupboard. A magnetic draw pulled her eyes to stare back; she drank in his masculine physique. She put her actions on hold when she realized her conduct could be interpreted as flirting with an invitation to sample her wares. The tumbler slipped through her fingers and fell to the hardwood floor. She reached to catch it but wasn’t fast enough. Shards splintered in all directions. Too close to avoid the shattering material, one piece slashed the palm of her hand, leaving a thin pathway of blood gushing across her flesh. Julie teetered from the shock. Jordan moved toward her in an instant. “Don’t move!” Julie dazedly watched a small pool of blood form at her feet and lifted her hand, unsure of what to do since he’d told her to stay put. He whisked her into the air, carried 121
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her to the bench and held a dampened dishtowel against the cut. “Can you feel glass?” “I don’t feel anything sharp. I think it’s clear.” Her shoulders shook. “You know, I’m getting awfully tired of getting slashed when you’re in the area, Jordan.” He didn’t smile, although she meant it to be funny to cover her embarrassment. The concern in his face had startled her as much as the accident itself. The same expression he’d worn when she’d taken too many pills. “Look, I’m all right. Don’t take this so seriously.” “Is that what you do, Julie? Get by, not taking life seriously?” “For years, I’ve been the only one to look after mmyself.” Her voice cracked. “I’m n-not used to anyone ccaring.” “Well, you’re in the right place; things are going to change because I care. You should know that by now.” And that was precisely what caused her nerves to act up around him. It wasn’t just a sexual draw between them, though the pull was forceful and becoming harder to ignore with each passing minute. His speedy rescues forced her to trust in him when weakness overwhelmed her. She’d never trusted a man before. She had the urge to run like hell, but instead, she watched as he removed the cloth and examined the wound. “A palm bleeds easily, but it’s not fatal,” he commented. “You can stop shaking.” “Tell my nerves that.” She couldn’t admit that her body shook from the smooth, gentle touch of his warm fingers. The fuzziness she felt stimulated every part of her 122
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femininity. She was in deep trouble if she didn’t get back on a neutral footing. Jordan found a magnifying glass and studied the cut, then passed it to her for inspection. “I don’t see any glass.” “I don’t either. Lucky me.” “I’ll put on an antiseptic cream and tape gauze over it.” More caring contact that Julie wished she could avoid. Could I be falling in love just because he seems to care? That would be so dumb. Jordan washed her hand, taking pains to avoid further injury. After he slathered the cut with ointment, he bandaged it. But when he finished, he didn’t let go of her hand. Through her misty vision, she looked into eyes filled with compassion. Goose flesh peppered her arms. “It was just a glass, Julie, nothing to get upset about.” If he only knew she was upset about her thoughts. “I hate to be such a baby. I’ve been known to pass out at the sight of my own blood.” The empathy in his eyes was enough to make her swoon on the spot. She had to ditch her body’s mutinous compulsions and regain control of her mind. “Thanks, Jordan. You’d be smart to factor my clumsiness against me.” She chuckled, nervously flexing her fingers. “Is there anything more serious I should factor against you?” She thought for a moment. “My stubbornness, I guess. Does persistence count as a bad habit? Without those traits, I wouldn’t have a chance to stay on track.” “They aren’t faults; they’re needs.” His steady gaze jacked her pulse through the roof. She didn’t need these 123
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emotional upheavals; she needed fresh air. The opportunity soon presented itself. “If you feel up to it, I’d like to take you down to the barns and show you around. Later, we’ll come back and freshen up before we go over to the big house for dinner.” The big house. Liz and Cam would both be over there. The fingernails on her uninjured hand dug into her thigh.
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Eleven As Jordan and Julie walked into the largest of three barns, Jordan slid his arm about her waist and guided her along the dirt floor to a series of large stalls. Occupied by horses eagerly sticking out their heads, Jordan introduced them one by one. “This mare just gave birth to her foal, the other mare is due any time. Two stallions are here for treatment of leg cuts, but there’s nothing wrong with the stallion at the end—that’s Star.” Julie reached over the high wooden gates to pat four curious animal faces, their bright eyes giving her the once over. They all wore the M brand stamped on their rumps. She took a few extra minutes to watch the colt suckle his mother. Her hesitation to touch the big black stallion pawing its foot in the last stall gave way when Jordan gently placed her hand on the white star in the middle of the horse’s forehead. “This guy is huge, Jordan.” “He was stubborn to break in, but we see eye to eye now.” Jordan saw Julie’s expression change to a frown, but it quickly returned to a grin when Star nuzzled her shoulder. Julie's eyes flashed a brilliance that made him want to 125
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sweep her into his arms and lay her down on a mound of fresh hay. Each time he had pulled her close to avoid an obstacle or wet section of floor, she had melded into him. He began looking for any excuse to hold her close. She had the power to drive him to madness with the subtlety of her actions and personality. He’d never felt complete living on his own, nor had he after Marsha married him. But Julie’s brave venture into territory she knew nothing about brought out his protective instincts and made him feel whole and needed. He had to face facts: he had started this project wanting a child of his own, but once he met Julie, she had expanded his goal. He didn’t only want this insecure, perplexing woman in his bed but in his life for a long time to come—maybe forever. Desire like that was dangerous. A commotion beyond the barn drew their attention. He steered Julie out a side door. Cowpokes had gathered around a corral to watch a rider being tossed about on the back of a bucking horse. The dustup hid the rider’s face. The men laid bets on how long the man could stay in the saddle. A sudden backward jerk by the animal sent the cowboy flying through the air to land with a thud just inside the rails, near Jordan’s feet. The horse broke off to the other end of the corral, allowing the rider to get up. The cowboy brushed off his jeans with his Stetson, then looked up at the new arrivals and grinned. “Tony, I want you to meet Julie Reagan. She’s staying on the ranch for a while.” “Pleased to meet you, ma’am. Sorry I couldn’t have made a better impression, but that’s one wild mare.” 126
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“You aren’t hurt, are you?” Julie scoured him for signs of injury. “No, ma’am.” Jordan noticed the interest with which Julie watched him fix his dusty hat low, shadowing his eyes. The young man had the tall, lean physique of a movie star. His deeply tanned skin emphasized the lightness of his blond hair and his rugged lifestyle. A sudden twinge bit into Jordan’s chest. Jealousy? Surely not. This guy was just a kid in his twenties, but he probably had a macho appeal to a woman far removed from her ordinary life. “The horse is still boss, I see, Tony. Sure you didn’t hurt anything?” “Just my pride, Jordan. I’m used to being thrown by her. One of these days she’ll realize I’m boss. She’s a slow learner.” “The mare is probably thinking the same thing.” Jordan laughed. “Hey, Jordan!” Julie and Jordan glanced across the corral. Cam hopped the railings on the other side and was coming toward them. Julie flinched noticeably. “Don’t worry about Cam,” Jordan muttered. “You’ve got him pegged wrong, Julie.” “I hope I have. I don’t want problems.” “Did you make money on Tony’s fall, Cam?” Jordan asked. “Fifteen bucks. I’ve made a hundred dollars off Tony’s stubbornness the past week. He’s good with horses, but he’s met his match.” Jordan laughed, heartily. “Remember when we were that stubborn and wouldn’t give in to letting the horses get 127
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the best of us? Tony doesn’t need to expend all that energy to break her in. A little patience and soft talk with bribery would help.” He threw a sly look down at Julie and continued on: “You get more bees with honey, and he hasn’t learned that. Maybe I’ll give breaking the mare a shot myself, but not today.” He squeezed Julie’s shoulders upon noting the skeptical look in her eyes. Tony scowled, quickly excused himself and limped off to the barn. “Miss Reagan, do you mind if I borrow Jordan for a minute?” Cam asked. “Go ahead.” “Julie, why don’t you go into the next barn and see our purebred sheep?” Jordan suggested. “I’ll join you.” “Sheep? Okay.” As soon as she left, Cam nudged Jordan with his elbow. “How are you making out?” “I thought I was doing all right until she met you, Cam. What’s with the brush off you gave her?” “I can smell trouble, and she’s it.” “What makes you think so? You’ve just met her.” “It was the damn look in her eye when she got outta the plane. Like she was surveying her future kingdom. And also her looks.” “There’s nothing wrong with her looks.” “That’s what’s wrong with them. She’ll turn the men upside down like—” “Don’t say it, Cam, if you want that big nose of yours to stay straight.” “Okay. Learn the hard way, but I gotta tell you, Jordan, keep your eye on Liz. She’s not too happy about having 128
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Miss Reagan here. Could be trouble in the making. You know Liz was thick with Marsha.” “Marsha is gone.” “Does Miss Reagan know about her?” “She knows Marsha died.” “I mean the other stuff, Jordan, or are you afraid if you tell her she’ll hightail it for home?” “I’ll tell her, as I see fit.” “Don’t wait too long. With two other women on the property, one of them is gonna blab.” “Julie’s not the same type as Marsha. She’s reserved and thinks before she acts.” “Marsha thought, too. She thought about screwing every guy on the ranch, made it her mission in life.” “Well, her mission was cut short, Cam. Maybe that’s what happens to those who betray me.” “Don’t start thinking that way again. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. And I’ll repeat it: watch out for Liz.” Jordan hurried to catch up to Julie. He’d do more than watch out for Liz. He’d give her a substantial warning she’d ignore at great risk to her permanence on the Lazy M. ~*~ Cam leaned back against the corral railing and shook his head as he watched Jordan rush to the barn, or more precisely, to the side of the new fly in the jelly. Once glance at Julie was all it took for Cam to know she could be disastrous for his plans. While Jordan and Julie were watching Tony ride, Cam had scrutinized the couple’s interaction from the other side of the corral. The only good thing about her presence 129
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was the bright gleam in Jordan’s eye. It had been a long time since he’d shown pleasure in anything. The poor bastard’s been fooled before, and it appears like he’s headed that way now. Tony’s eyes just about burst out of their sockets when he met Julie, and that’s just a taste of what’s to come. Jordan’s gotta smarten up with the woman he chooses. I told him this wasn’t the right one. Cam pulled out a cigarette, lit it and took a long drag. He used to be happy with his own woman, but that seemed an eternity ago. Close as brothers, he and Jordan worked well together; life should have been perfect. Then Marsha came into their lives. He’d tried to warn Jordan about her, but the lovesick sap wouldn’t listen. Cam plucked off his Stetson and swiped his arm across the dampness trickling down his forehead, then put the hat back on and inhaled deeply. He blew a ring of smoke from his lips and steadied his eyes on the barn door where he’d lost sight of the pair. He scuffed his leather boot toe in the dirt while thinking over what he and his boss had been through. Jordan deserved to have a family for stability’s sake, something to work for and keep the ranch successful. But this woman wasn’t the answer. She had dollar signs in her eyes. Busy with the demands of the ranch and at the same time guarding both his and Jordan’s asses meant time with Maggie and the kids was scarce. Maggie had just about had it with his neglect, and she didn’t even know about the gloom that lay heavy on his heart. They hardly made love anymore because of it. 130
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With a moment of bad judgment hanging over my head what am I to do, confess? Yeah, right! Maggie’s feeling better, and there’s no way I’ll risk a setback to the sickliness of her last few years. We don’t even have to depend on Liz much anymore. Liz has what she wants: more time at Jordan’s house. Bet she doesn’t appreciate his houseguest anymore than I do. Cam drew in the tobacco’s relaxing essence and blew three smoke rings in a row. Once he was sure Maggie was on the mend for good, and he could amass a bucket full of courage, he and Maggie would sit down and have a real chat. He hoped she’d find it in her to forgive him. Thank God for Liz. Without her keeping her mouth shut, my life would have gone up in smoke. Cam smirked as he thought over his plan to stay out of the frying pan. Liz couldn’t have kids and since Jordan needed at least one, Cam had come up with the idea for his boss to find a woman that would bear him a child. Nothing wrong with that. It would make Jordan happy and strengthen Cam’s security on the ranch for his lifetime. It was up to Liz to find some way of encouraging the woman to leave without her child, clearing the path for Liz to become Jordan’s life partner. Cam’s future would be secure, and Liz would be off his back about his indiscretion. It was a win-win situation. Yes, Julie could be a problem. With the happy look on her face when she landed, Julie appeared as if she would like it here and might fit in just fine. That meant she could be a permanent fixture. Not in his lifetime. He’d see to it. 131
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Cam took in another deep drag from the cigarette. Looking at it now, with Julie Reagan here, his plan had been a risky venture at best. Cam cursed his weak constitution. No matter what, he would not let himself fall under this woman’s lure. Obviously, she’d already woven her spell over Jordan—the man was glowing like a friggin’ lightbulb, a distinct change from the sour disposition he’d had before he’d gone to Vancouver. Throwing down his cigarette, Cam ground it into the dirt with the heel of his boot, then took in a lungful of fresh air. He had to get back to work. All I need is more time to mend my fences with Maggie, but if this Reagan woman decides to stay, something tells me there’ll be fences coming apart all over the place. ~*~ Julie wandered behind Jordan across the barn’s dirt floor, soaking up the smell of new straw scattered in the sheep pens. A multitude of loud baas stirred her interest, and she peeked over the wood railing of the nearest pen. Beneath her lay a sheep, rump shaved of its wool, several fiery wounds tracking six inches across its bared flesh. The animal raised its head and looked at her with soft woeful eyes. “What happened to this poor animal?” “That’s one of the lucky ones,” Jordan whispered in her ear, as if he were trying to not alarm the animal. “A cougar attacked the sheep up in the high country. We got to this one in time, but she’d picked up a few nasty claw marks. She’s off her feed now.” “Is that because she’s afraid the cougar will come back?” 132
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“No, it’s just that her injuries got infected. Cam’s giving her antibiotics and nursing her like she was one of his kids.” “Will the cougar come down to the ranch?” “He may follow when the elk, deer and small animals come to the lower areas for food during the snowy season.” Jordan reached over and pushed a loose tendril behind her ear. “We’ll be watching for him.” Jordan swung his hand toward the other pens. “Just had a load of Icelandic sheep brought in; that’s why these other pens are full.” One eye on the door, Julie half-expected Cam to appear. Maybe her apprehension concerning the foreman was silly, and what he’d had to tell Jordan didn’t involve her. She’d better get her sensitivity under control or her three weeks would be unbearable. She moved along, looking inside each enclosure, patting inquisitive noses. “These animals are much gentler than the aquatic mammals I deal with every day. Sea lions lunge toward intruders and their heavy weight gives them power. At the last minute they usually pull back, figuring their bluff has worked.” “I hope you don’t take them for granted,” Jordan stated. “Sometimes bluff can gravitate to real action.” “I usually stay on guard, don’t worry.” “C’mon outside, Julie, and I’ll introduce you to some of the ranch hands before they take off to the herd.” “I’ve noticed a lot of cowboys coming and going. It must be a headache for you to stay on top of who’s doing what.” 133
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“Not really. Cam’s a whiz at keeping everyone on track. That frees me for experimenting with breeds of both sheep and cattle, plus controlling the log operation. I’d be lost without him.” Julie gritted her teeth at the praise Jordan lavished on such a rude man. When they went outside, Jordan introduced her to a few of the hands. Each one greeted her by respectively doffing his cowboy hat. With their broad, welcoming grins, word of her arrival had spread like wildfire. She couldn’t help but wonder what they were reading into her presence. Surely Jordan would have had the good sense to be discreet about his advertisement. She’d hate to think these men would bet on how soon she would jump into bed with their employer. Nevertheless, as she gazed around at the sunbaked faces, she noticed the odd wink from one cowboy to another. Perhaps this was what Liz had referred to; possibly she’d even put them up to acting this way in the meanspirited hope Julie would be embarrassed enough to leave. Julie shook the webs from her mind. She was letting her imagination run rampant again. There was no reason to suspect every person she met. Jordan glanced at his watch. “I’ll show you the other buildings.” He led her through the last barn, filled to the rafters with hay, then through a couple of sheds sheltering various pieces of heavy machinery such as tractors and plows. He turned away from one weathered shed as if it were of no importance. The bleak expression in his eyes when she stopped to look in its direction disturbed her. “That’s only a storage shed, Julie. Hey, where are my manners? You should have time for a snooze before 134
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facing Cam’s rambunctious household. We’ll go back to the cabin.” Julie shrugged, not wanting to take advantage of her guide and push her nosiness on him. Jordan placed her hand on his arm and led her back to his cabin, talking in an easy, relaxed manner as they strolled across the yard. Gone was the edginess she’d seen him display in the city, and briefly when they’d landed. He suddenly grabbed her hand and held it as they walked. The strength of his grasp didn’t surprise her, but the peculiar thrum of excitement that surged through her entire body could become addictive. She held on tight, praying her nerves would calm. Clearly, she’d removed herself too far from society if she got this steamed from male companionship. She assumed the cabin would give her a pleasant respite. The assurance of being welcomed by most, if not all of the ranch occupants allowed her spirit to soar. She felt weary but knew she dared not fall asleep. Her dread at having to spend the evening with Cam and the unknown Maggie was liable to show up in a nasty dream. No, sleep was definitely out, but a nice, long, hot bath might work wonders. While Jordan took a shower, Julie unpacked her suitcases, unconsciously humming “Home on the Range”. She picked out simple clothes she hoped would be suitable: a tailored, dark green cotton blouse and beige slacks. She gazed out the window to the dense forest behind the cabin. A sound at the door spun her around to see Jordan standing in the doorway with a towel stretched taut around his hips. His damp dark hair fell loosely over his forehead. Tanned skin, slick from the spray, glistened 135
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over his muscular structure. Julie struggled to breathe normally. Lord, this man puts Tarzan to shame. Not knowing where to focus her eyes, she skimmed his impressive frame, darting from one area to the next, greedily taking in every inch of his body exposed to her view. Why is it that men have few inhibitions about their nudity? Doesn’t he know what he’s doing to me? Sure, he does—it’s part of his technique to get me to stay. “The bathroom is vacant if you want it now,” he offered. She cleared her throat and tried to adopt an ambivalent demeanor. “I think I’ll soak in a bath. How long d-do I have?” she sputtered. “Forty minutes, or so. There are bubble bath crystals in the cabinet.” Julie raised an eyebrow. “My aunt left them when she was here last month.” He laughed as he retreated to his bedroom. Julie locked the bathroom doors and leisurely absorbed the wet heat into muscles still tense from the sight of Jordan’s half-naked body. She leaned against the porcelain back to appreciate the scenery outside the low window. She hoped no one was outside watching. Hadn’t Jordan heard of such things as opaque bathroom curtains? No, the pride in his maleness left little room for embarrassment. In any case, no one appeared to be around. It’s pure heaven here. A perfect place to raise a family and live out life with a man you love. I wonder if Mum loved Dad? With a reluctant sigh, Julie ended her bath and dressed quickly. Her dampened thick ringlets fought every stroke 136
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of the comb. She tried a brush, but it only snagged, causing considerable pain. She resorted to finger combing the unruly tangles to give some sense of organization to the loose style. A dab of lipgloss and a touch of mascara applied in the manner Dana had taught satisfied her, but she could feel trepidation slowly returning as she hurried to find her host. When she walked into the living room, Jordan was sitting in a chair reading Sports Illustrated. He looked up instantly. His sharp whistle made her wonder if she should have fastened the top three buttons of her blouse. To deal with what lay ahead, she didn’t want her bosom to dictate upcoming events. “You look great. That top brings out the green in your eyes.” Her heart leaped, involuntarily. “Thank you. You don’t look so bad, yourself.” She spoke no lie. His black, western-style shirt tucked neatly into new jeans made his eyes more pensive, more baffling and undeniably more sexy. What lay behind his impenetrable stare? He’d splashed on cologne so seductive that she wanted to jump into his arms. The heat rushing to her face served as a signal for him to give her a quick daring hug. Then, with a sheepish smile, he ushered her toward the front door before she had a chance to protest his familiarity. “Better wear your jacket,” he suggested. Under his gaze of approval, her fingers became all thumbs. Jordan jumped to the rescue when her arms got entangled in the sleeves. He took her jacket and held it so she could slip into it easily. From behind, he wrapped his 137
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arms around her, ostensibly to close the front sections. She hurriedly snapped the closures and he backed off. With the air noticeably cooler on the doorstep, and her nerves now jumping jacks, she slid her hand onto his arm. She wanted to avoid another handclasp that would turn her knees to Jell-O. She needed her wits with her, not adrift on a sea of seduction. As they approached the big house, her niggling twinges became tremors quivering in the pit of her stomach. She hoped to make a good impression on the foreman’s wife, and it became increasingly important that Jordan be proud of her. As far as she knew, she’d done nothing inappropriate; still, the memory of Cam’s disapproval caused an unease she’d never before felt so strongly. A mad rush of jumping legs, reaching arms, and yelps of glee met them at the door. Three young children—two boys and a girl—greeted Jordan with delight. She watched with amazement as he introduced her, then hugged and kissed each one as they stuffed their hands in his jacket pockets, pulling out small packages of M&Ms. “Jordan, you’ve got those kids spoiled beyond belief,” came a feminine voice from the hallway. “Kids, where are your manners? Get washed for dinner and give our guests some peace! And don’t eat any of the candy until later.” Julie looked up to see a dark-haired woman walking toward them with a baby about six months old in her arms. The other children didn’t budge an inch, but stood quietly staring up at Julie, their eyes solemn and intent. “Are you Uncle Jordan’s new girlfriend?” the little girl inquired. Maggie rolled her eyes. 138
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“DeeDee, honey, don’t embarrass our visitor. I told you not to ask that.” Jordan grinned. “Maggie, I’d like you to meet Julie Reagan. I’m sure Cam told you all about her,” he said with a wink. “Hi, Julie. Welcome aboard. Actually, he didn’t tell me much, Jordan. He was in a grumpy mood when he came in a few minutes ago. One of the horses stepped on his foot and wounded his pride. He’s getting cleaned up. “I’m so pleased you’re here, Julie. We can do with another woman on the ranch.” Maggie cupped her hand to one side of her mouth. “One that’s more pleasant to have around than Liz. She’s been cranky all afternoon, and I don’t have the patience to put up with it. Would you hold Adam for me while I put the finishing touches on dinner?” “Oh, I’d love to, Maggie.” “We’re almost ready to eat. Leastwise we will be by the time that husband of mine decides to favor us with his appearance.” Julie picked up on the annoyance in Maggie’s voice, but she ignored the undercurrent and directed her attention to the little boy nestled in her arms. Jordan pointed to the living room. “Why don’t you take Adam in there? He loves to be rocked. I’ll get the kids ready for dinner.” Julie was glad for a break from the hubbub. She walked across the worn red Persian carpet, lowered herself into the high-backed rocker by the fireplace and cuddled Adam close to her breast. She could hear distant giggles from the children and yelps from Jordan when he got splashed. Maggie’s welcome had gone a long way toward settling Julie’s stomach. The smell of roast beef drifting into the 139
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room tantalized her taste buds. If only Cam had to be elsewhere, she could look forward to the home cooking. Julie turned her attention to Adam as he stretched up his arm attempting to touch her hair. She bent her head and let him wrap his tiny hand around the long curl that caught his eye. While he focused on his accomplishment, she studied his face with wonder and followed up with burying her nose in his neck to inhale his sweet baby freshness. The innocence and curiosity of his shining blue eyes captured her heart, but it was the inner spread of a warm maternal glow that truly held her in awe. She knew then: her urge for motherhood was no whim. She felt tears burn in her eyes. The baby gave her hair a strong tug. She glanced up and saw Jordan standing by her chair, his gaze fixed firmly down on her. “Hold it, buddy, you’re pulling too hard.” He carefully released Adam’s hand from the tangle and smiled. “You like babies, I see.” “Doesn’t everyone?” “My wife didn’t want kids.” A shadow skipped through Jordan’s eyes but quickly disappeared when he saw she noticed. Whatever unpleasant thoughts clouded his mind he dismissed, replacing them with the same tenderness he had displayed when she was sick. He let his hand rest on her shoulder. “Well, aren’t you three the picture of a perfect family?” Cam!
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Twelve Julie couldn't stand the slick, patronising tone of Cam's voice. Her nervousness shot back full force. She lowered Adam to her lap where she could gaze down at him, averting the sarcasm in her host’s eyes. “Stay where you are, don’t get up for me,” Cam ordered, thumping down on the chair opposite her. Julie glanced up at Jordan, but she couldn’t see his face clearly with moisture obscuring her view. “Watch it, Cam.” Jordan’s fingers tightened on her shoulder. Julie smiled, despite the frost curling up inside her. “Your children are adorable, Cam. Four must keep you busy.” Surprisingly, when she looked at him, his eyes softened. “Yeah, they’re a handful all right, but lots of fun, too.” He was interrupted by the assault of three wiggly bodies clambering over his knees to give him hugs. There couldn’t have been much more than a year between each child in the progression. Cam tweaked each small nose 141
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and hugged them all close. Clearly in the presence of a doting father, Julie put aside her reservations. “Dinner is ready,” Maggie called from the dining room. The adults stood, letting the children scamper ahead to their special places at the table. Maggie took Adam from Julie, and while she laid him in a net playpen in a corner of the room, Jordan directed Julie to her seat. He sat next to her. It was then Julie noticed a vase of red, yellow, and white roses gracing the table’s center. She smiled at Jordan and said, “Maggie, what lovely flowers.” “Cam brought them home yesterday. It’s not even a special occasion, but I’m glad the thought struck him.” Jordan grinned. “Maybe he’s hiding something and wants to butter you up before he confesses.” “Well, now would be a good time, Cam, if that’s the purpose.” Maggie stood still a moment giving her husband the opportunity. Even the children quieted, their eyes fixed on their father. Judging by Cam’s sober mouth and crestfallen expression, Jordan may not have missed the mark. Julie nudged Jordan with her elbow. Jordan covered his faux pas admirably with, “This food is too appetizing to let it get cold listening to Cam list his sins.” Maggie and Cam glanced at each other, then took their places at the ends of the table. All heads bowed as Cam rhymed off a short, half-hearted grace. “Everything smells delicious,” Julie remarked as serving dishes laden with roast beef and roasted vegetables passed hand to hand amongst the adults. Cam 142
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ladled food onto the plates of the child he could reach; Maggie served the ones nearest her. Their casual routine to getting their family satisfied as quickly as possible amazed Julie. Not a word exchanged between them, though brief looks did. Was the silence because of her presence, or had she and Jordan walked into the middle of a disagreement? “Did Liz help with the cooking?” Jordan asked. Julie focused on Maggie, having completely forgotten about Liz. “No, she didn’t.” Maggie helped herself to the platter Julie passed. “She was in a foul mood, slamming things around; for the sake of my dinnerware, I let her work off whatever ailed her by straightening up the house.” Maggie picked up the gravy boat but paused before dribbling the contents on her meat. “I don’t know what was gnawing at her, Jordan. I sent her home early. Have you met Liz, Julie?” “Just for a minute. She was totally shocked by my coming here. Maybe she thinks I’ll involve more work, but I can pick up after myself.” “I didn’t tell Liz why I was going to Vancouver,” Jordan said. “She’s been prying into my affairs too much lately. Besides, I hadn’t planned on bringing anyone back until I met Julie. Cam was supposed to have alerted Liz.” “Well, I figured seeing was believing, so I didn’t mention it.”
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“Liz has her eye on Jordan for herself,” Maggie stated. “I told Cam that before he came up with his silly scheme to have Jordan advertise for a partner.” “Now, Maggie,” Cam butted in, “you’ve no call to think it was silly. Jordan has known Liz all his life and thinks he’s not interested. He doesn’t recognize a good thing when he sees it.” “If Jordan’s not interested in Liz, then he should go courting someone else on his own and only if he wants to. My point is that you shouldn’t be involved, Cam.” Maggie’s brusque tone left little room for argument. She turned toward Julie, her eyes set with further warning, “Don’t get too chummy with her, Julie. Liz has a bite, but for some reason she did get along well with Mar—” Maggie must have sensed Jordan’s sudden irritation. She closed her mouth, her words left hanging uselessly in the ensuing silence. “Julie, are you and Uncle Jordan going to get married?” “Shhh, DeeDee, we aren’t supposed to ask,” muttered Jason, the oldest boy. “Why aren’t you staying with us?” DeeDee persisted. “Because you kids are noisy as well as nosey,” her mother answered. Cam’s disgusted sigh blew across the table. Jordan’s foot gently nudged Julie’s ankle. She smiled and stared Cam down. “Hey, kids, Julie works with sea lions.” Jordan’s attempt to change the subject met with success. 144
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“Do they sound like lions in the jungle, Julie?” Tommy, the smallest one, asked anxiously. “No, Tommy. The Stellar sea lions make low roaring sounds to keep intruders away. California sea lions bark.” “Forget all this talk about lions,” Cam snapped. “You’ll give the kids night—” “Cam! There’s no need to be rude.” Maggie’s eyes flared. “There’s no reason for Tommy to be frightened from learning about wild creatures, Cam.” Julie’s eyes fixed on Cam’s face. “It’ll teach him to be cautious.” “Julie’s right, Cam.” There was no mistaking the fire in Jordan’s eyes. Cam bit down on his lower lip. “Okay, okay, you guys are right. I’m sorry, Julie. I’m in a lousy mood with my foot hurting from my own stupidity. With that cougar prowling the mountains, I guess I’ve overreacted.” With Cam’s apology, the meal switched to a lighter vein. Julie helped remove the dinner dishes while Maggie served dessert. The children’s eyes lit up at the sight of apple dumplings blanketed with warm lemon sauce. Beginning to feel comfortable in Julie’s presence, they stopped concentrating on table manners and joyfully attacked their desserts. With wide-eyed wonder, in-between bites, they told Julie about watching the birth of a foal. Their accurate description, with no qualms in relaying body parts, floored her. Their exuberant chatter kept her from putting unwarranted deliberation on the memories this house must 145
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hold for Jordan. He didn’t appear morose, but she’d noticed he didn’t contribute to the conversation. The house, though large enough to be considered a mansion, wasn’t lavishly furnished from what she could see. The downstairs furniture was sufficient, comfortable, and child-friendly. This was a home, not a showpiece. Julie wondered how it looked when Marsha lived here. Not even a picture of her perched on the mantel—just oak-framed photos of Cam’s pride and joy—his family. Tommy, braver than the rest and having finished his dessert, crawled up on Julie’s lap. Julie hugged him and cut off two bite-sized pieces of her dumpling. When he finished eating them, his sticky fingers reached up and intertwined with a misplaced lock drooping from her temple. Jordan reached over and carefully wiped the exploring fingers with a napkin dipped in his water glass. After the meal, when the men and children retired to the living room, cleaning up was an ideal chance for Julie to develop a personal connection with Maggie. “Dinner was excellent, Maggie. Thank you for making me feel welcome.” “I’m dying to know what you think of Jordan,” Maggie asked as she loaded the dishes Julie stacked on the counter. “Jordan has good qualities, for sure, or I wouldn’t have come. I haven’t known him long enough to pass judgment. He knows I’m not interested in being his partner.” “Really? Cam said you’re on a scouting trip.” 146
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“A scouting trip?” “‘Checking out the pickings’ is what he told me. I don’t believe him for a minute.” “He thinks I’m after Jordan’s money? So that’s his problem.” “Cam thinks he has you pegged. Once that man gets something into his head, it stays there. I have to say, you aren’t what I expected.” “What exactly did you expect?” “With those two guys putting their heads together, I assumed the final choice would be a ditzy blonde or a sedate young lady who swooned over Jordan’s every word.” Maggie chuckled. “Instead, Jordan brings home someone very much her own person. Otherwise, you would have withered at Cam’s comments.” “Cam didn’t take long to make his assessment of me— all of one minute. I can’t help what he thinks; now, I don’t care. It wasn’t my idea to come to the Lazy M. “I want kids, Maggie. I was considering getting pregnant through a sperm bank and raising the child myself. I never wanted a man to muddle my life. Maybe I shouldn’t say anything, but the tension I sense between you and Cam doesn’t change that notion.” “I like your frankness. Everyone around here treats me like fluff. Look, Cam and I have problems, but we’ll work them out now that I’m feeling better. It’s probably my fault. I don’t mean to pry, but why did you come?” “I read Jordan’s letter in the newspaper and was curious that he wanted children without marriage as an 147
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option. That’s how I felt. I thought there might be a way of us working together to get what we wanted. But Jordan’s idea involved sex. That’s too heady stuff for me.” Julie wiped the vinyl blue checkered tablecloth with extra force, then rinsed out and passed the dishcloth to Maggie. “Sex creates strong emotions in a woman. I’d want to be sure of a strong commitment. His noncommittal theory will send me back to my first idea—a sperm bank. I’m going to check it out when I go home. But, I don’t see anything wrong with trying to get Jordan to donate a few sperm for the cause. It might be beneficial for any children I have if I know and respect the donor.” “Have you asked him?” “Not yet. It’s just a crazy idea I came up with. It may not pan out.” “Julie, you don’t know much about men, do you?” “Does it show?” “In some ways, yes. Take the sperm matter.” Maggie gave the counter a final swipe and leaned against it. “Men don’t mind throwing their little guys around for pleasure, but to actually ask them to officially make a contribution is liable to put them on the run. Do you know what artificial insemination entails?” “In animals, sure.” “Look, I have a medical book that Cam bought when I was sick. Why don’t you take it back to the cabin and look it up when you have time?” “That’s a great idea, I will. Jordan told me you’d not been well. Did you ever find out why?” 148
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“No. The doctors weren’t able to pin it down to anything but nerves. Nerves don’t make you vomit your guts out except when pregnant.” “When did the sickness start?” “Shortly after Marsha’s death. It stopped when I was pregnant with Tommy, then started again after he was born. Same thing with Adam, except it hasn’t started again.” “Maybe Marsha’s death upset you more than you realized.” “I was on a different wavelength than Marsha. She didn’t want kids, but having a big family was my dream. Cam and I lived down the road on his parents’ homestead, so I hardly saw her.” She sighed. “We were happy then. Until the fire.” “Fire?” “The house burned down one day when we were in town. The fire marshal said I left a pot of fat on the stove. I never deep-fried anything in my life. We had to move somewhere, so Jordan had us take over the big house because he had just finished building his cabin. The house came complete with Liz as the housekeeper.” “You were lucky to have her when you were so ill.” “I know.” Maggie peeked around Julie to see if the men were still in the living room. She nodded at their absence. “I’ve never liked Liz. Don’t think I’m hard to get along with, but I get tired of hearing her yak about Jordan all the time. She’s obsessed with him. I’ve not been happy since we moved here. I thought maybe it was using 149
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someone else’s furniture that bothered me, so Jordan sold everything. He didn’t want reminders, either. Cam and I gradually bought what we needed, and though it doesn’t go with the grand Victorian style, it’s serviceable while the kids are small.” Julie looked away from the tears collecting in Maggie’s eyes. “Before I forget, Julie, I’ll get the book.” A few minutes later, her eyes clear and dry, Maggie placed a thick, dark blue volume on the counter. “Get Jordan to carry it for you.” “Thanks, Maggie. Please don’t tell him why I want it.” “Okay. Now let’s go into the living room and join the men.” A sense of dread washing over her shoulders, Julie’s shoulders drooped. She’d have to face Cam again and try to hold her temper. Near the kitchen doorway, she squared her shoulders and drew in a deep breath.
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Thirteen Maggie stopped just past the kitchen threshold and studied Julie. “You seem reluctant to go into the living room. Come back and sit at the table for a few minutes; we’ll talk.” Julie nodded, heaving a relieved sigh. Anything to put off going near the thorn in her side. The two women faced each other, both planting their elbows on the table. Julie wanted to learn anything that would help her understand Jordan. The renewed sparkle in Maggie’s eyes showed her eagerness for further chat. Maggie spoke first. “I don’t see why you and Jordan can’t become a couple and let nature take its course.” “Jordan made it clear that children are his priority. Living together with my sole use being a baby machine is ludicrous.” “Then it’s not that you don’t want to marry him?” “My parents had a bad relationship so I’ve always shied away from marriage. Since Jordan says he’ll never marry again, the question is moot.” “Julie, you have to understand that Marsha did a number on him.” 151
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“Can you tell me what really happened between them? Why is he dead set against wedding vows?” “I shouldn’t talk about it. Cam and I have been arguing over Jordan’s life for years. Marsha was bored with ranch life and expected too much from Jordan. Cam told me about your letter and, based on the fact you didn’t send a photo, he decided not to like you.” She laughed. “Jordan was intrigued by how candid you were.” “Really?” “Yes, Cam told me.” “Cam hates me.” “He doesn’t hate you, but he said you were like Marsha; that you would break hearts and cause turmoil. It wasn’t anything you did.” She leaned back in her chair, her eyes steady on Julie’s face. “You might be as gorgeous as Marsha, but I disagree with Cam; you aren’t like her. Marsha wasn’t interested in our kids. They sensed her dislike and kept their distance. You’re warm and sensitive and didn’t push them away. I know it wasn’t an act and so do they.” “Of course it wasn’t; not for anyone who wants a family as much as I do.” “Marsha was flighty and extravagant,” Maggie continued. “When Jordan wouldn’t give in to her demands, she flaunted herself at the cowboys for spite. Liz hinted that Marsha had something going with one of the ranch hands. I asked Cam about it, but he told me I shouldn’t listen to such tripe. “One night, Marsha and Jordan had an argument. Cam said she stormed out of the house, hopped into her sports car and roared down the lane. Geez, it had snowed most of 152
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the day. At the fork in the road she swung along an old logging road—a trail, really—that winds along a ravine. Few ever use it. It requires skill to drive it at the best of times.” Julie leaned closer. “Jordan told me she went off the road.” “Jordan and Cam jumped into Jordan’s truck and had almost caught up to her when the taillights disappeared. Jordan slammed on his brakes and nearly went over the side, too. With Cam shining a flashlight, Jordan climbed to the bottom and found her body still strapped inside. Ugly rumors circulated that he might have caused the accident to end his problems.” Maggie drew closer and lowered her tone to a whisper. “Jordan was known to have a jealous streak where Marsha was concerned, but she gave him plenty of reason. The RCMP investigated. They didn’t find evidence of foul play.” Picturing the horror of Jordan’s discovery, Julie trembled inside. “Did they question whoever was having an affair with Marsha?” “Nobody knew who it was. And whoever it was sure kept it quiet.” “I guess the gossip explains why Jordan didn’t pick a woman from this area to fulfill his need for children.” “Women around here avoid him.” Julie’s heart swelled with sadness for the additional hell he must have gone through, dealing with suspicion and rejection. “If he’d just try to defend himself, we’d all feel better, but he doesn’t care what people think. He put himself inside a shell and sealed up the opening. I could see a 153
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change in him tonight, though. That’s why the kids were all over him. They were delighted that he was happy and that’s because of you.” She leaned back and folded her arms. “He’s smiled more in the last hour than I’ve seen him do in the last three years. He had his eyes on you all through dinner. I think he’s hooked.” Julie’s mouth tightened. She now craved that attention with surprising hunger. Just the touch of some part of his body against hers brought out goose bumps; yet, there was more to it than that. Deep inside she felt an affinity for him she’d never felt for anyone, and sadness, too. “Perhaps I was wrong to come here.” “Why do you say that?” Julie sighed and looked out the window. “I came here thinking Jordan might allow me to use his sperm. I thought knowing his background would help, but it makes it’s harder. Do you think he’d be cooperative?” “I think it’s damned near impossible.” “Then I shouldn’t waste my time.” “Don’t say that, Julie; stick it out... give it a try. I’ll root for you.” Julie shook her head to clear the fog. Lately, indecision was the bane of her existence. What if he was responsible for Marsha’s death? No one knows what went on between them that night. “Hey, you girls,” Jordan called from the living room, “Cam and I are sick of each other’s company. Come on in.” “Don’t let on to Cam I told you any of this,” Maggie muttered as she stood. 154
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Julie sluggishly rose from the table, braced for what lay ahead. Once in the same room with the men, Maggie suggested they play cards—and thankfully, the games kept the conversation light and on an even keel. When the women outstripped the men in tallies, Maggie clapped her hands. Julie laughed to herself. She and Maggie made a formidable team. Jordan turned and winked at Maggie. “I didn’t think Julie was the type to play cards.” “Why not?” Julie asked defiantly. “You’re so serious most of the time. Relaxing and having a good time seem foreign to you.” “I like to play when there’s an easy challenge,” she quipped. Cam rechecked his score for the hand he was holding. “Looks like you gals win again. Sometimes, roadblocks can make challenges dangerous.” He glared at Julie. “Danger jacks up the excitement.” Julie answered without missing a beat. The room fell silent. She had to cover the sudden dearth of chatter, somehow. “Look at Tony and that horse he tried to break. He’ll be on it tomorrow, I bet.” “You must be used to big challenges in your work, Julie,” Maggie interjected, her eyes dreamy with admiration. She seemed to be encouraging Julie to talk about herself, which Julie didn’t want to do. Julie’s interest lay more on getting a point across to Cam. “The male sea lions are always waiting to be challenged because they 155
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think they’re invincible. The truth is, the scariest thing about them is the gruff response.” Jordan’s expression was unreadable as he stood. “On that note, I think we should take our leave. It’s late and I’m sure Julie is tired.” “Too bad, Jordan,” Cam said. “Tonight was just getting interesting. I’m sure we could’ve beat their asses, er... fannies off in the next round.” “That’s what losers generally say, Cam.” The words slipped out of Julie’s mouth. “There’ll be another chance to prove it, I’m sure.” “You can count on it, lady.” “Then good luck to the participants,” Julie replied, partly annoyed that Jordan hadn’t interceded on her behalf and was tugging on her arm. To calm the tension rife in the air, Julie turned to Maggie, “Thank you again for the delicious dinner. And thanks for the loan of your book.” “Oh, glad to have you, and a good thing you reminded me. I’ll be right back.” Maggie returned in a minute with the tome clutched in her arms. “I see you like heavy reading, Julie,” Jordan said with a grin. “I’ll carry it for you.” He slung the book under one arm, maneuvering himself back into her good graces. Jordan didn’t mention the words she’d exchanged with Cam as they walked across the yard hand in hand. They looked up at the stars twinkling against a black velvet fairyland. An owl’s hoot, along with distant coyote wails, brought an ethereal mystique to the scene. Satisfied that she had stood her ground against Cam, Julie’s thoughts centered on excitement of a different 156
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nature, this time something pleasant. A strong compulsion to stay outside staring skyward stopped her on the veranda. “This is a grand night to look at the stars. I like Maggie and the kids. I picked up on the tension between her and Cam, though. She thinks her illnesses are at fault for their dissension.” “Might be, but I’m not so sure. Cam is hard-nosed, worse than ever the past few years. Anyway we won’t worry about them tonight. I’ll put your book on the coffee table and be right back.” Julie drew in an invigorating breath. She loved a feeling of accomplishment and having meshed so well with Maggie tonight gave her that satisfaction. Successful in her work, her personal life now needed focus. But how could she meet the challenge when she knew so little about human males? Jordan returned and pulled her close. The night air misted their breaths with a fusion of moisture that wafted through the darkness like smoke from a fire. And there was fire. The heat burned to the depths of Julie’s soul. Jordan’s lips lowered to meet hers. She yielded to the gentle pressure they exerted and relished their goodness. Every limitation immediately dispelled from her conscious thought. Her arms circled his neck in an involuntary response to a sudden need. Only the soft lowing of distant cattle broke the silence. Their lips lingered on each other’s, then deepened the contact beyond an exploratory kiss. Surrendering to the magic of the night and the urge to know what such involvement would bring, Julie soared into another world—a world where enchantment reigned, where no 157
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need existed for analyzing the whys of life. Her personal fulfillment ruled unfettered. No longer the shy recluse caught up in loneliness, she’d evolved into someone she didn’t recognize. Amidst the heavy breathing and rustle of her clothing, she realized that capitulation to emotions had never been on her agenda. His exploration was bold and too soon, but if she pulled away from her topsy-turvy world of late, she’d always wonder what might have been. A short time within Jordan’s embrace would build memories, good or bad. For once, just once, maybe she could have the luxury to follow her heart and not a strict scientific regimen. Julie melted into his arms. They kissed a long, smoldering connection that caused palpitations in her chest. Sweat filmed her hands at these marvelous reactions, but her mind wasn’t so impressed... Back off, you silly girl, or you’ll bring heartache to yourself. Julie pulled away as if she’d been electrified. “What’s the matter, Julie? Afraid to feel something for me?” Jordan’s wide chest begged her to lay her head against it, but she resisted. “I told you I don’t want to get involved any more than you do.” “Did it ever occur to you that wants can change?” “Not in my life, Jordan. I think I...” “Never mind thinking, Julie. You’ve only just got here. We’ll take this slow and easy. Let’s go inside; the chill in the air is more than I want to handle right now.” Jordan led her into the living room, built a fire, then sat on the couch next to her. His hands rested on his denimclad thighs. As the flames crackled and spat, Julie wished 158
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he’d place his arm around her shoulder, but she’d ruined it for him. Why couldn’t she let herself go? Suddenly, as if understanding her torment, Jordan’s arm eased around her arms. His fingers generated more heat than the fire. The shadows of the room shuttered out the trappings of everyday life, leaving them with only each other. Flashes of orange and yellow reflecting from the planes and hollows of his face created an aura of strength and raw energy that could subdue any woman. Julie knew if he asked her this instant, she would go with him anywhere. Even to his bed. But Jordan didn’t ask. What a mistake that would be, anyway, she consoled herself. If she dared follow her plan, he’d need careful prodding to donate the specimen that would bring what she truly needed. ~*~ Julie stretched lazily as splashes of sunlight filtered lacy curtain designs on her face. She had floated just below full awakening for some time, luxuriating in cozy comfort, her thoughts on the man who had become part of her life. Although she and Jordan had kissed often last evening, when it came time to call it a night, Jordan had escorted her to the bedroom door, paused to give her one last peck on the cheek, then moved on to his own room. She’d expected a tough selling job to dissuade him from urging more. Her thoughts provided a stimulating flow of tingles from her toes to her mind. She marveled at how she could feel such contentment yet be so perplexed. With movement in the kitchen, she smiled as she pictured Jordan rummaging around to surprise her with breakfast. 159
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She bounded out of bed and searched for attire that would show her as feminine as she felt. She quickly dressed in blue jeans that clung like a second skin, then wrestled into a white, stretch-knit turtleneck. If only Dana could see her now. Passing a mirror, her unruly hair brought forth a groan. As a last resort, Julie gathered and twisted her uncooperative mane into one major fistful and clipped it in place at the back of her head. Now the woman staring back from the mirror oozed sexuality and control and looked like a fashion statement from a man’s wilderness magazine. She applied a light feathering of Rum Raisin lipstick, keeping in mind Dana’s words that too much of the coppery shade would work against her. Once done, she smacked her lips together, then headed toward the rattling of pots and pans. Her wide anticipatory smile disappeared when she entered the kitchen doorway. Liz, not Jordan, presented a sullen smirk on a compressed little mouth that left no illusion of welcome. “Good morning, Miss Reagan.” The frosty tone betrayed her aloofness. Julie could have sworn a devil’s red flame lurked in the dark depths of Liz’s sharp-focused eyes. The housekeeper’s large breasts were accentuated by the tight pull of her bib apron. If she thought herself alluring, she needed psychoanalysis. Julie recognized her unfairness in thinking unkind thoughts about a woman she didn’t know—just like Cam had with her. “Good morning, Liz,” Julie replied cheerfully. “Is Jordan up?” 160
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The sour expression Liz returned made Julie wince, deflating her tentative attempt at conciliation. “Jordan always rises before sunup. He puts in a busy day and can’t spend time lolling about in bed.” Julie dealt with the hostility via an angry glare. Liz backed off. “He told me to prepare your breakfast. What do you want?” “Don’t go to any trouble for me. I can get my own.” “Nonsense! You are a guest. Scrambled eggs, okay?” “Great. I’ll pour myself some of that delicious smelling coffee.” “Sit down at the table; I’ll bring it to you,” Liz sneered. For the sake of peace, Julie obeyed the command, but her psyche pledged not to do so again. She stared out at what should be a day brimming with hope and splendor. What was the real living arrangement here? Was Jordan considering using her presence as a baby carrier to mark time and return Liz to his bed after delivery? Seeds of doubt about the situation sprouted easily into Julie’s thoughts. She wiped her clammy hands against her thighs and killed time appreciating the mountain scenery. Liz prepared breakfast quietly and efficiently, ignoring Julie’s absentminded grip on the white paper napkin at her place setting. The crush of isolation became too much for Julie. She decided to thresh out all the information she could under the guise of a sociable exterior. “Are you from around here, Liz?” “I’ve lived in town all my life. Jordan, Cam, and I went to school together and have always been close. My dad is a mechanic in town. This ranch is my second home. Jordan pays exceptionally well, and of course, the living 161
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accommodations bring other compensations, too.” A sick smile raced across her face, the first smile Julie had seen bloom on the housekeeper’s mouth. “You live on the ranch?” The glint in Liz’s eyes didn’t moderate her severe looks. “When needed.” Julie’s stomach knotted worse than when Liz’s face pruned out. Was Liz deliberately setting up a charged atmosphere, hoping Julie would leave? “Yesterday, Cam told me why you’ve come, Miss Reagan. Aren’t you taking a huge risk settling in with someone you hardly know? What does your family think of you prostituting yourself with a man trying to make up for the loss of his wife?” Stunned, Julie counted to ten before she answered. “I think Cam should keep his big mouth shut and leave Jordan to explain. I’m not prostituting myself, Liz. I came for a visit at Jordan’s urging. I’m sure you’re aware of how charming and persuasive he can be. As for my family, I don’t have any. If I did, they wouldn’t judge me as you already have.” “Humph, that explains why he chose you,” Liz bit back. “No family to interfere.” “Interfere in what? I don’t follow you.” “Why do you think Jordan didn’t pick someone from around here? Look at the facts. Marsha was a skillful driver; her Porsche was new. Jordan is mechanically inclined; did you know that?” “Are you saying Jordan caused her to go off the road?” “I’m not saying anything. You figure it out.” 162
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Julie’s stiffening back ached as she tried to block Liz’s words from seeping in too deep. “Maggie told me about the r-rumors. It’s idle gossip amongst p-people in an isolated community.” Why was she stammering? Could it be more doubt charting a dismal inroad to her mind? Her memory flashed back to Dana’s comment, “Jordan could be an axe murderer.” A cold shudder ran down her arms. Julie sipped her coffee, welcoming its warmth. Her mind worked double duty to void the insinuations while she watched the housekeeper through narrowed eyes. So obviously familiar with this home, Liz’s hard, unforgiving features showed bitterness and something else as well. Hatred? The concept was alien to Julie, but jealousy could do ugly things to the mind. This was not the place she should be if she wanted to change her life for the better. Julie noticed a fresh dusting of snow covered the mountain peaks. Winter comes early to the Rockies, Jordan had told her. Three weeks would carry into midOctober, and it might be difficult for transportation if the mountain passes clogged with snow. Weather was something else she hadn’t considered but should have. The scrambled eggs turned out brown, dry, and tasteless, but she forced them down. She would need strength to cope. She ignored Liz’s activities, and the woman went about her housework without speaking further. Hearing the front door slam, Julie peeked around the window frame and watched Liz go down the front steps. A puff of pent-up air left Julie’s lungs. Jordan had not told her he’d be gone early. Not about to sulk, she rounded up her warm, fleece-lined, black winter jacket, slipped into 163
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her sneakers and sprinted down to the barns. It felt good to run. She needed to get back at it, but not today. She hadn’t seen all of the buildings, yet; perhaps exploring the shed would restore her good mood. “Howdy, ma’am,” three cowboys called as they rode by her. She smiled and waved, “It’s a glorious day!” Julie walked to the sheep barn. Most of the sheep clamored and bleated, eager to stick their noses through the pagewire walls in a bid for her attention. They nuzzled her hand as she patted them. The injured animal padded about the pen, then stopped in front of her; its calm, eyes steadied on her face. “Hi, sweetie, are you feeling better?” The ewe nosed her hand in answer. Julie patted the ewe’s head for several minutes. When the sheep strolled away, Julie left the barn and ambled to the small shed out back. The door of the outbuilding had been bolted with a wooden bar. She lifted it with care, propping it against the wall. The hinges groaned as she pulled the heavy door open and stepped inside. Her eyes took a minute to adjust to the dark. She came to an abrupt stop when they did. Before her lay the tangled wreckage of a red sports car—a monument to Jordan’s pain and suffering. She wondered what thoughts filled his mind when he came to look at it. She stayed just inside the doorway, not wanting to disturb the sickening silence, not wanting to see the telltale signs of the horror. “Julie? What are you doing here?” The husky voice startled her, but the clutch of an iron grip on her shoulders 164
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scared her more. She suddenly felt nauseous as Jordan spun her around toward him. Silhouetted against the outside brightness, Jordan evoked a demonic look. She trembled, desirous of flight. The hostility in his steely clench held her in place. Dazed, her dry mouth prevented speaking; her constricted lungs demanded fresh air. Jordan’s fierce eyes had never penetrated more deeply. Her mind blanked; the surroundings blurred. ~*~ Catching sight of Julie’s back, rigid and still, Jordan could only imagine the expression on her face as she stood just beyond the shed’s entrance. The picture he saw in his thoughts was one of morbid curiosity. It appalled him. He’d come to the conclusion just today to send the wreck to the graveyard where worn-out vehicles lay forgotten. Marsha’s car would no longer stay at the ranch, a charred reminder of how fleeting life could be. He had rushed back to the cabin as soon as he had solved the latest crisis with the stock, hoping to stand as a buffer between Liz and Julie at breakfast. The cabin empty, he had glanced out the window and saw Julie go into the shed. She had trespassed into an area where not even the ranch hands tarried. He was not braced for the anger that welled in his chest on his hurried approach. Julie’s resistance when he pressed his hands on her shoulders demolished his control. The terror on her ashen face when she turned astonished him. Fear of him! Her body sagged under his firm grasp. He scooped her up in his arms, carried her to the sheep barn and laid her on a pile of clean straw. Thankfully, his men weren’t around to 165
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fret over her as he sprinkled water on her forehead and massaged wrists limp as wet noodles. When at last Julie’s eyes opened to a bewildered gaze, he relaxed. Clarity returned to her in a matter of seconds. Wary and cautious, she attempted to sit up. Jordan reached behind her back and helped her. “I-I’m sorry. I-I was exploring, not knowing I was invading your privacy. I must have passed out from gguilt.” “I never told you the shed was off limits. You just surprised me, but you passed out from fear of me, Julie. What’s that all about? What did Liz tell you?” He cursed himself, knowing he should have put his other problems on hold and dealt with Liz first. God knows what damage she’s done. “Liz didn’t tell me anything. I shouldn’t be such a wimp.” He stared into her lackluster green eyes and wondered what went on behind them. ~*~ The return of her strength encouraged Julie to keep her secrets until she knew where she stood. The concern in Jordan’s stare confused her. “Rest until you get your equilibrium back.” Jordan’s command was absolute; she welcomed the opportunity to collect her wits. He leaned back on his haunches studying her closely. She made herself concentrate on the bleating noises from the pens and not on his sober exterior. “I’ll go in the tack room and get you a drink of water. You’re as white as your sweater. Be right back.” 166
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Julie tried to slow her breathing. Amidst the shuffle of the sheep’s footfall and the smell of fresh straw, she pretended she was at a county fair and not helpless in the middle of God knows where. A grim voice roared from just outside of the sheep barn. “Who’s been in the shed and left the damn door open?” Cam! And by the sounds of heavy feet, he was coming her way.
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Fourteen “Who’s been snooping in the damn—” Cam cut off his words as he entered the barn and saw two figures huddled on a pile of straw. Julie stilled. He turned to Jordan. “What’s wrong with her?” “She went in the shed, unprepared for what was there,” Jordan replied flatly. “Her nosiness got her in trouble. Perhaps in the future she’ll ask questions first.” “Stop it right there, Cam,” Jordan snapped. Cam’s gruffness was unrelenting. “Any of the hands could have told you what’s inside.” Julie shifted her bottom to make herself more comfortable. “Do you know what, Cam?” “What?” “You’re every bit as blustery as the mammals I work with. Their posturing never scared me and neither does yours. Now back off!” She’d had it with Cam’s incessant humiliation. Good thing she didn’t chew her fingernails, or they’d be worn to the quick. She heard Jordan snicker. 168
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“I intended to show you the car my wife was driving, Julie. Did you look inside it?” “No.” “Maybe the blood stains will cure her curiosity,” Cam retorted. “That’s uncalled for, Cam. We don’t treat guests this way. I’m sure you have work to do.” Cam’s one huge pain in the butt, Julie thought. Jordan helped her up, but made no attempt to excuse Cam’s crushing words. Did he think the same? She yanked her arm away from Jordan, brushed off her jeans and, in spite of shaking inside, faced Cam with a steadiness that surprised her. She jutted her chin, then spoke. “Once I realized what the wreck was, I didn’t go near it. I don’t have a macabre side; that is, until I met you.” She stared him down. He was like the sea lions for sure, all bluff, yet nastier. Cam turned to go but looked back. “I don’t understand why you keep that thing, Jordan.” “We couldn’t find any mechanical trouble; neither could the cops. Why don’t we get rid of it?” “Soon. I come in here every day trying to fathom what impulse drove Marsha to travel that road. I told her how dangerous it was the night of the accident. That’s when— ” “When what?” Cam demanded, his brow knitted in a straight line. “Nothing.” Jordan shrugged. “Did you tell the cops how recently she’d been told?” Cam persisted. “No.” 169
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“Why not?” Jordan’s shoulders slumped. “Marsha and I had been arguing. She threatened to take off out of here by the quickest route. I mentioned then the road wasn’t safe. The police might have seen our argument as a motive for a crime. I’d had enough questioning: dumb questions that went nowhere.” Cam rolled his eyes, but dropped his third degree session and patted Jordan on the back. “Okay, I see your point.” “Not to change the subject, but...” Jordan looked from one to the other before he continued. “I’ve come to the conclusion that if it wasn’t a faulty mechanism, it had to be a simple act of careless driving; but something keeps me from letting it go.” “You know most people in town think you caused it in some way, Jordan,” Cam said, his voice lowering considerably and sounding somewhat sympathetic. Julie listened, her mind a chaotic jumble. Whatever had happened had little bearing on her, but it would if she stayed. She should leave for Vancouver as soon as possible. Her first need was fresh air in a place where she wasn’t in the way of a personal relationship she could barely understand. Stronger now, she left the barn in a hurry, forcing Jordan into long strides to catch up. “Do you still want to go to town?” Jordan asked as he grabbed her elbow to slow her down. She wrenched her arm away but had second thoughts. I’d better get some idea of the area in case Jordan isn’t willing to take me out of here. “Yes, of course. First, I want to shower and change. I have straw all over me.” 170
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“I have about an hour’s work around here. I’ll come for you when I’m done.” Twenty minutes later, dressed in a blue silk, longsleeved blouse tucked into her black jeans and curled up in a chair, Julie pulled the medical book from the coffee table. She balanced the volume on her knees and turned to the Index. Artificial Insemination: page 78. Her muscles tensed as she flipped the pages. The horse-breaking activities down in the corrals moved from her peripheral vision as her eyes narrowed on the page and read: Artificial Insemination: the injection of semen from a male into the cervix of a female with an instrument. The procedure is used in cases of low fertility or damaged reproductive organs. Julie sat back and stared into space. I bet Jordan’s fertility would hit the max on expulsion of those pesky critters. He’d probably bat one thousand. She giggled and went back to the page. In AI higher levels of fertilization can occur than by natural mating as a result of the egg being surrounded by a greater number of sperm. “Poor egg gets swamped,” she muttered and read on. Also aiding fertilization is the fact the sperm don’t have to swim so far. Julie looked up again. “Sperm get tired? Sounds like lovemaking is not a very efficient method of reproduction. With Mr. Right, I imagine it’s a lot more fun, though.” She skimmed down the page giving the details of fertilization. “Nothing new there,” she muttered. Julie drew in a deep breath, then traced her finger along another typed line. Method: patient’s legs are splayed wide in the stirrups. The physician slides a K-Y gel lubricated speculum into the birth canal, spreading its 171
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jaws to expose the cervical opening. Using a stainless steel infusion device the semen is injected. “Oh, yuck!” “Yuck?” “Jordan! I didn’t hear you come in.” She leaped to her feet, the pins and needles of returning circulation causing her to stagger. She closed the book before he got a look at the topic. “You seemed engrossed. What were you reading?” “Ah... sleep techniques. Yes, that’s it. Sometimes I have problems drifting off.” “Did you learn anything helpful?” “The book offered exercises. I may try them.” “If you’re ready, we can go to town. I want to warn you about gossip you may run into.” “Jordan, I deal in facts, not idle hearsay.” “Good.” Anxious to get away from her musings, and not interested in closeness to any sperm provider at this point, Julie kept Jordan at arm’s length while driving in his truck. She avoided looking at him, afraid her scientific mind’s eye might see a gelatinous blob with a wiggly tail sitting behind the steering wheel. Eager to familiarize herself with the countryside, she kept her responses to his conversation short, her eyes peeled to see which route they took when they reached the fork. “Julie would you open the glove compartment and pull out a receipt I put there? I need to check the price we were charged for a recent delivery.” “Sure.” Julie opened it up, then lifted a pair of pliers to get to a stack of papers. “It’s the small yellow one.” 172
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“Okay, got it.” Jordan took it from her and shoved it in his jacket pocket while she tried to close the compartment. She bent over to see if something was blocking the closure. “Push hard, it sticks.” When she shut it with success, she went back to observing their course. Oh, oh, I missed the fork. I’ll watch for it on the way back. The road they traveled was winding and narrow, but paved. Lord help me, there sure is a dearth of vehicles. No neighbors. And no gas stations. Why didn’t I listen to you, Dana? Finally, after what seemed forever, the road widened and small houses dotted the landscape. Julie let out a sigh of relief. “Could you let me out at the pharmacy?” “Sure. Would you like me to wait for you, or would you rather take your time and meet me at the feed store at the end of the street?” “Oh, by all means do what you came for, and I’ll walk down after shopping.” “Okay. When we’re done I’ll take you to lunch.” “Thanks, Jordan.” She saw the pleased gleam in his eye. She wondered how he could be so thoughtful one moment, downright ornery the next. She gripped the doorknob with an exaggerated clasp and opened the drugstore’s bell-rigged door. The narrow aisles allowed for a well-stocked display of pharmaceutical goods. Several minutes of searching the shelves led her to the personal products section. Sanitary female needs galore mixed in with a wide spectrum of condoms didn’t produce anything related to morning-after 173
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pills. She pursed her lips in thought. This was stupid. Why should she buy any? She knew the answer: to keep her promise to Dana that she’d have some measure of protection if she needed it. About to turn away, Julie pictured the sober look on Dana’s face when advising her to get the medication. She gulped, then walked over to the pharmacist. Luckily, the pharmacist was a female, making her request easier. Julie soon held the small package in her hand. On her way to the cashier, she picked up a bottle of mineral water and aspirin for the tension headache that had started the minute she got into Jordan’s truck. Her insides quivered as she handed over her credit card. To distract herself from the clerk’s questioning stare, she opened the aspirins and water and washed down two tablets. “Bad headache, huh?” The cashier's inspection softened. “Very, but not to the migraine stage, yet.” The middle-aged woman completed the transaction and watched as Julie deposited both types of pills in her purse. “Are you really stayin’ at the Lazy M, ma’am?” “Yes.” “Thought I saw Jordan let you off.” She peeked out the window. “Be careful out there.” “Pardon?” The clerk avoided Julie’s eyes. “Keep your back covered. That’s all I’ll say.” Julie took another quick swig of water to moisten her suddenly scratchy throat, then proceeded to the door. She came close to asking about Jordan and the accident, but 174
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she put the notion on hold, not wanting to gossip behind his back. The pharmacist rushed up to Julie. “Don’t listen to Noreen’s tittle-tattle. People around here have nothing better to do than draw unfair conclusions.” The pharmacist’s eyes darted toward the clerk and back to Julie. “Jordan has had it rough and it’s high time he enjoyed female company. There isn’t one man that works for him that’ll say anything against him.” “You don’t believe the rumors?” Julie asked in a hushed voice. “No! There never was anything to suggest foul play. My brother is the coroner, and he said the injuries Jordan’s wife received were consistent with the crash. The police examined the vehicle and found everything as expected. Someone deliberately started the vicious talk.” Julie turned the doorknob. If Jordan is innocent, why did Cam get so ticked when I went into the shed? There seemed to be so many questions floating around; she wished she hadn’t come. She walked with renewed interest when she spied a quaint hardware store across the street, its large wooden veranda set with barrels of mixed hand tools. She meandered around the displays, then walked slowly inside, soaking up the country feel of the place. The owner, a frail old man, approached her. “You’re a stranger around these parts.” “Hello. I’m Julie Reagan; I’m staying at the Lazy M.” His eyes lit up. He grabbed a package off the counter. “Could you take this rat poison to Liz for me, Miss Reagan? I had to order it.” “Rats?” Julie’s brow arched. 175
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“Liz said the brutes were still getting into the big house from the barns.” The man’s eyes clouded. “I can’t understand why the first package she bought hasn’t done ’em in.” “I’ll see she gets it.” Julie reached for the package, deciding not to put it in her shoulder bag. She was about to leave and wander up the street when Jordan’s truck appeared outside the store’s window. “Drats!” She’d looked forward to further exploration. “Is there a bus depot or a train station in town?” “Yes, ma’am, a bus station down the street. Bus leaves for Prince George every day. From there is a train to Vancouver. They stopped runnin’ trains up here long ago.” “Thanks.” She left and climbed into the truck. Jordan glanced at her package and bottled water. “Get what you wanted?” “Yes. This is rat poison Liz had on order.” She placed the package in the back seat and turned her face forward. Hmm. Rat poison—that’s interesting. ~*~ Jordan expected questions on Liz’s order, but receiving none, he stepped on the gas. He chewed on his lip as he drove down the street. I wonder if Julie is still irritated by the episode in the barn? I should have defended her and belted Cam, but it could have made matters worse between them. Maybe she met up with gossip mongers while she shopped. Their talk could worry her. I’m not handling things well. Better to bide my time and play it cool. 176
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“How would you like a grand tour of the town?” he asked, half expecting to be frozen by an icy glare. “I’d like it very much,” Julie answered with more than a hint of enthusiasm. He glanced across the seat, leery of her sudden mood change. He’d experienced Marsha’s mood switches; they’d led to intricate plans and deceitfulness. What was behind Julie’s brightened eyes and the slight upward tug at the corners of her mouth? “Very well then, here we go.” Jordan showed her the business section, which though small, sported a grocery store, family clothing store, pub and bus depot. He remained in the truck while she used the depot’s restroom. After a tour of the residential area, which took all of ten minutes, they stopped in front of a small diner. Jordan ushered her into the cozy interior, his hand in its familiar position around her waist. He ordered beef and barley soup with a grilled cheese sandwich. Deciding her appetite couldn’t support both, Julie settled for the sandwich alone. The food came attractively served with dill pickles, the tea fresh and hot. They finished off the meal with homemade lemon pie that the waitress humorously swore had been made especially for Jordan. After so long without much contact with local folks, her pampering surprised him. Maybe he was sending out different vibes. Maybe Julie’s presence had brought about a change for the good in his outlook on life. He could hope; he damned well needed something to change it. ~*~ Julie noticed every eye turned toward them when they entered the restaurant. The touch of Jordan’s hand on her 177
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waist as they walked to a booth drove away all thought about the obtrusive stares. She focused only on Jordan through the meal. It was afterward, while sipping a refill of tea that she again became aware of the other patrons. By then, the customers had settled for whispered chats and fleeting glances. She surmised the impolite actions had to do with the rumors. Still, the waitress was friendly and showed no sign of distrust. This seemed to be a town divided. Jordan nodded at some of the patrons as he went to pay the bill. Given that everyone seemed to know him, Julie thought it strange no one engaged him in conversation. Anxious to get away from the furled brows, Julie put on her jacket, rolled up the collar as protection against the cold gusts and opened the door. Jordan soon joined her on the doorstep. “Looks like we could be in for some nasty weather,” Jordan muttered, escorting her to the truck. “We’d better head for home.” “Rain?” Jordan glanced at the darkening sky. “Snow.” “Surely, not this early?” “We’re at a high elevation. You have to expect it. We’re prepared for isolation now that I’ve picked up a supply of antibiotics for the animals.” “You never mentioned I could be stuck here. I’m expected to return to work, you know.” “When the time comes, you may not want to go back.” His eyes twinkled until he saw she wasn’t smiling. “When you want to leave, I can fly you out. Don’t panic.” 178
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“I know two people who can’t see me leave soon enough. Maybe we should move my departure date up.” “Don’t be silly. We struck a bargain of three weeks... longer if you want.” Julie pressed her temples as her headache returned. Jordan concentrated on the road which steeply wound its way back to the Lazy M. She fidgeted restlessly when he pulled off at a wide spot serving as a look-off for his valley. He set the truck’s engine on idle. “What’s the matter, Julie? Spit it out. I know I didn’t handle the situation with Cam very well and I’m sorry, but...” Julie turned from the panoramic view and studied his strained features. “I’m not used to such discourtesy and flagrant disregard of my feelings as Cam and Liz have shown. I deserve respect, Jordan, not that kind of crap.” “So that transfers to anger with me?” “You did little to stop it.” “Okay. You are right to be pissed. I’ll put an end to their rudeness when we get back Forgive me?” How could she stay angry with anyone so obliging? “I’ll forgive you, but I won’t be able to forget how much it hurt. There’s one more thing.” She stiffened her back, determined to state her case clearly. “Anything. Just tell me.” “I don’t want Liz coming to the cabin. I’ll do the housework and prepare the meals. I can’t drift aimlessly day to day with no responsibilities, not even for a short time. And I don’t want to be around someone who is so belligerent.” 179
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“If that’s what you want, you’ve got it. Could we seal it with a kiss?” Jordan’s face had a bad habit of appearing more handsome each time he gave way to her requests. She searched for signs of reluctance, but saw none. Instead, he reached over and grasped her hand. Nothing compared to the heated energy bestowed when his arm slipped around her back and he crushed her to him. Her headache vanished in the brush of his lips against her forehead followed by a feathering of light kisses on her cheek. His body radiated confidence. His warm lips demanded compliance the moment they touched hers. Her body reeled with delight. When his tongue gently pushed into her mouth, her stimulation heightened. She wondered if she would be courting trouble if she met his advance on an equal footing. Nothing to do but give it a try. A thousand stars flashed behind her closed eyes. His willful hands unzipped her jacket and smoothed over her sweater. Her heart skipped erratically as his fingers slipped hesitantly beneath the fabric. His touch seared her bared skin as his hands explored. She knew she should back away, but to deprive herself of this wondrous experience was impossible. She let his hands roam at will and gasped when he unfastened her bra and slid his fingers to the swells of her breasts. She held back as long as she could... she had to look. She gazed down. Her nipples stood at attention. Stunned that he had moved so quickly and amazed that she felt no will to rebel, she kissed him deliberately and heard a distant moan of pleasure. Hers. 180
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Jordan’s hand swept her breasts in a circular motion, kneading, molding to his hand. His lips caressed her cheek in a slow downward slide allowing her time to rebel. When he met no resistance, Jordan continued his wayward trek until his mouth reached its goal: two sensually engorged, raspberry pink nibs that begged fondling. Julie arched involuntarily, clutching at his hair as the pleasure of his wet mouth closed in on her breast. Never in her dreams had she imagined the blistering impact of such contact. Julie kissed the back of his neck, tasting the salty tang of moisture filmed on his sun-roughened skin. She twisted and turned, unable and not wanting to stop his onslaught. The erotic pull set her mind to screaming with joy, then ended too quickly when large pellets of hail clobbered the windshield. Jordan reacted quickly. “We’ve got to get out of here.” Julie bolted upright, fastening her bra and yanking her sweater down in a rush. Hail of a predicament I’m in. She stifled a smile, then turned serious. “Are we in danger?” Jordan sighed and looked at the rapidly growing accumulation of ice crystals. “Luckily, we aren’t far from home. Mountain storms make driving treacherous.” He looked over at her, his eyes expressing regret. He pulled onto the road. Within three miles the hail changed to heavy, blowing snow.
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Fifteen White flakes blanketed the entryway floor as Jordan and Julie stamped their feet and brushed at each other’s hair and shoulders. Their exuberance disappeared when Liz came around the corner of the kitchen. “So, you’re finally back!” “And a cheery hello to you, Liz,” Julie answered, irritated by the contortion of her pruny face. “Why didn’t you wipe off your feet on the doorstep?” “It’s the first downfall of the season, Liz. Loosen up,” Jordan growled. Liz appeared to take no notice of his command. “I’ve had a pot of stew simmering for several hours. I hope it’s still edible,” she carped. Julie and Jordan looked at her stern expression, then at each other, and in an instant they burst out laughing. “I’m sure it’s still delicious,” Jordan replied. “I’m sorry you went to the trouble of fixing something, but the truth of the matter is that we already ate at the diner in town. We’ll have it for supper.” “Thank you for thinking of us, Liz,” Julie chimed in. 182
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“Julie, would you mind going into the living room?” Jordan asked. “I have a few things to discuss with Liz.” “Okay. I want to change anyway.” Jordan’s quick grin couldn’t camouflage the look of determination in his eyes. Julie was thankful for an excuse to leave. Despite the closed bedroom door, their raised voices penetrated the walls and made her shake as she undressed and took her tweed slacks from the hanger. She lay on the bed waiting for the drum of voices to cease. When all was silent, she entered the living room in time to catch Jordan’s words on the phone: “You’ll have to manage without Liz tomorrow, Maggie. I sent her home before the storm worsens. The extra long weekend will give her a chance to cool down. If she doesn’t, she’s out of a job.” Jordan paced back and forth as he spoke, until the phone cord snagged on the coffee table, pulling him to an abrupt halt. “I really don’t want to fire her. There’s always the chance that the situation here may not pan out.” He looked up at Julie and motioned for her to sit on the couch, then continued. “I’m certain I can talk Julie into giving you a hand if you need it.” Julie nodded. As Jordan’s eyes perused her figure, hungrily taking note of the soft yellow turtleneck and the perfect fit of her navy slacks, Julie self-consciously pushed the curls off her forehead. Her hair, back from her face and neatly tied with a bright yellow cord, called his attention to the flush in her cheeks. For a moment he forgot about his phone conversation. “See you tomorrow, Maggie... I’ll tell her... Bye.” 183
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He looked at Julie thoughtfully as he hung up. “Boy, you smell good. Is that lavender?” “Lavender is my favorite scent.” “Maggie says she’s anxious to have another chat with you. You made quite an impression on her last night.” “I liked Maggie, very much. I’m sorry you and Liz had words. I didn’t come here to disrupt your way of life. With Cam’s dislike of me, too, I’m turning your world upside down.” “Cam will get over it when he knows you. Don’t worry about him.” With such sincerity in his eyes, Julie found him so appealing she was convinced she’d wasted her money buying the pills. She watched Jordan build a fire in the fireplace. Not knowing what else to do in the silence, Julie sat on the sofa gazing into the spurt of flame. Liz’s face arose amidst the fiery tongues that quickly licked up the chimney. When Jordan joined her, sitting close, she welcomed the sensuous distraction from the images. Was it his physical attraction that sent tremors rocking through her body, or was something significant and unimaginable developing on a deeper level? As she concentrated on the matter, it became increasingly obvious his take-charge attitude had drawn her from the start. He was everything she was not. On her own for a long time, she’d become weary of making life-changing decisions. Jordan was a master at sensing her needs, and although fighting all the way, she had allowed herself to fall victim to his control. Right now, in such comfort with him, she didn’t care. In him she’d found substance and solace. 184
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She watched the snowstorm intensify, changing to a pummeling of sleet that slashed angrily against the front window. The cabin walls rebelled at the onslaught. It seemed she and Jordan were the only humans on the planet, two souls left to fend for themselves. Julie shivered and hugged her arms. The silhouetted shadows derived from the flames danced around the room, jeopardizing her ability to remain calm. She turned to see Jordan watching her. Was he waiting for some sign of weakness? She mustn’t let him know of her dread. A storm such as this had developed the night her parents died. She remembered that after seeing to their funeral arrangements she’d gone home and cowered in her bedroom. She wouldn’t cower now. Jordan’s arm embraced her shoulders. Reason fled as she melted into his protective warmth. He wrapped both arms around her and held her tight. He recognized her fear if not the rationale for it. Once she left, she’d never feel this secure again. A whirl of smoke escaped into the room. Jordan left the couch and stoked a fallen log back into place. She chilled in his absence, warring with herself as to whether she was so dependent that she needed his return. She gave up wondering when he poured two glasses of brandy, placed the liquor bottle on the coffee table and again cuddled her close. “Here’s something to help you relax, Julie. Don’t try to think. Just be.” The amber liquid soothed her worries. She looked steadily into eyes glistening a reflection from the fire, eyes that revealed emotions other than concern. She acknowledged the seductive power he held over her and gloried in it. 185
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~*~ When Jordan recognized Julie’s fright at the storm’s strength, his compassion grew. Baffled by her fear, he wanted her in his arms and in his bed so she could feel safe. Damn his promise to give her a week with no demands! As he sat beside her, he could tell from her limp shoulders that a refill of brandy was taking effect. The delicate lavender scent made him crave the kind of connection only a complete sexual union could provide. Wanting to be fair, he battled against his desire with as much willpower as he could muster. To his surprise, she made the first move. She put down her empty glass, leaned into him and pressed her lips softly against the corner of his mouth. His good intentions dissipated like dandelion fluff in a warm summer breeze. The momentum of the kiss increased, spurring on his desire to make love to her. He was only human. Having her willingly in his arms was all that mattered. ~*~ Jordan sparked a sense of urgency within Julie. She caressed his ear, realizing that for the first time she was touching a virile man. She wanted to explore more erotic areas of his stalwart body. She wondered where to start, then played safe and threaded her fingers through his thick hair, gasping when his mouth suckled her neck. He followed by cupping her breasts, first one, then the other. Should I stop him? Why do I hope he never stops? Her heart stepped up its beat matching the hammering of the storm on the roof. Her blood heated with the potent sensuality pulsing through her blood vessels. When he 186
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slipped off her sweater and bra, her body slipped instinctively to the soft rug. She watched him remove her sneakers, felt him unzip her slacks. Why doesn’t he move faster? She wondered if she was supposed to help him disrobe her. Her question was soon answered. He slid her slacks to her ankles. She lifted one foot, then the second. He removed her socks and ever so slowly peeled her garment onto the floor. As his hands skimmed her bikini-clad buttocks and down her thighs, her breath sped from her lungs. She watched Jordan with anticipation as he removed his clothing. Naked, he stood over her. He’s proud of his body... so am I. She saw his eyes darken and take on a smoky glaze as he waited for her approval. A low moan escaped her lips as she held her arms up to him. He was a vision to behold in the firelight’s blessing—a modern-day Adonis. What does he want from me? Adoration or sex? He can have both. He can have anything he wants. Jordan’s skin gleamed; his eyes sparkled. As she lay at his feet she silently pleaded. "I need to get a package of condoms from the truck." "No, Jordan. Please, you'll break this wonderful feeling I have inside." He groaned and answered her call, stretching out beside her. Slowly, but gently, Jordan’s thumb traced an intricate pattern across her breasts. He slowly moved his fingertips downward, pausing to lightly rim her navel. Julie squeezed her hands on his shoulder urging him onward. He hunched over her belly and probed her 187
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stomach with the tip of his tongue. Oh God! He can’t be doing that! I’ll give him an hour to stop. The pleasure was so intense she thought she might die from the power of it. Her fingers splayed across his back, and it was only sheer will that kept her from digging her nails in for a life-saving hold. The fire generated by his touch sent a maelstrom of vibrant sparks surging from her head to her toes. Was he having similar sensations? So sensitized by his advance, she arched her back to expose as much of her body as possible, seeking more of his energy. Wanting to wallow in it forever. Intoxicated by his luminescent eyes, magnetized by his raw maleness, the erotic abrasion of his manhood as he mounted increased the tempo of wildness in her heart. She wanted him like she wanted no one else—inside of her— feeling his warmth as part of her own, giving and receiving the glory that had always passed her by in life. With the first thrust, a sharp pain disrupted her enchantment. She cried out and gripped his shoulders. “Shhh,” Jordan whispered, “hold on to whatever you were thinking. This only lasts a few seconds, then we’ll be where nothing can spoil your world.” His patience and guidance overcame her fears. She matched his body’s undulations with hers. Just when she concluded that she could no longer stand the euphoria, the sensory voltage inside her body peaked. She crested into heaven. Naked, they lay side by side. Feeling much bolder and not wanting to lose such wondrous contact, she laid her cheek on his chest and dreamily massaged the wiry curls 188
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around his staff. His hand covered hers but made no effort to stop her exploration. She had freedom to mold and investigate to her heart’s content. They soon were carried on another journey of excitement. “Julie, who would have imagined what a little minx you are? A guy’s got to have some time to rest.” “I’m too enthusiastic?” “Never. Don’t change.” The flames in their bodies ebbed like an outgoing tide. The sound of his even breathing filled her heart with love. Long after Jordan fell asleep, the glowing embers prolonged her ecstasy. She gazed into his face and knew she would never regret this moment. I reached a climax. I’ve been told some women never have that pleasure their entire life. Jordan deserves the credit for making this experience an earth-shaking one. My reward is the memory of a lifetime. Julie lay astounded by her peace. She couldn’t leave now. One night of paradise wasn’t enough; she craved more, and she would stay until the thirst was satisfied. Her eyelids grew heavy. She eased the sofa’s green afghan over them and drifted in peace. ~*~ “What do you say we replenish our strength on Liz’s stew?” Jordan mocked as he kissed her on the lips once more. “Wait until we get our clothes on.” Julie looked around her. “They seem to have scattered.” After one more kiss, she dressed in a hurry, aware his eyes focused on her every movement. How immature she must seem to him. When finally she dared look at his face, she saw 189
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admiration, not censure. The mushy feeling in her heart was like nothing she’d ever experienced—a sense of completeness. They entered the kitchen arm in arm. She reheated the stew. As she served a plateful to Jordan, she thought of the cold hard stares Liz had sent her way. Her appetite disintegrated. “I don’t think I want any, Jordan. A cup of tea will do nicely. If you can gobble up all that I put on your plate, I guess I wasn’t enough to satisfy your hunger,” she teased. “Oh, you were enough, my lady. Quite enough.” They sat at the table enjoying each other’s company, laughing and talking as if they’d been friends for years. “Are you sure you don’t want any of this?” Jordan asked, as he stood over the pot ladling a large second helping. “It’s delicious.” Julie shook her head and watched as he emptied the pot onto his plate. When the hour drew late, they stopped at her bedroom door. “Come to my bed, Julie. After what happened, we should be together.” “I don’t think so. One of us must be rational. We have to give ourselves time to be sure it’s right.” She couldn’t believe she was showing so much control. Her body wanted to feel the tingles again, now, on the floor, in the bed, wherever, but her natural restraint surfaced. Jordan smiled down with more patience than she thought she deserved. Her emotions were changing too rapidly, tangling her thoughts in the process. Jordan seemed perfect, almost too much so. She stuck to her decision, but allowed a lingering kiss that almost did in her resolve. When she finally climbed into bed, she fell 190
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asleep quickly, lost in visions of romance and making love. ~*~ Toward morning, an unfamiliar noise jarred Julie awake. She listened intently. Coughing and sputtering in the bathroom. She grabbed a robe and entered the brightly-lit hallway. “Jordan? Is anything wrong?” she whispered into the closed bathroom door. No response, but she heard a soft groan near the floor. Julie shoved the door. Something resisted her push. She shoved it with all of her might and when she peeked around to see what the blockage was, she found Jordan doubled up on the floor. Beads of perspiration pebbled his forehead. His face, white as the bathroom fixtures, indicated how very sick he was. She splashed cold water onto a facecloth and lightly patted it on his cheeks. His moaning continued. He didn’t appear able to comprehend anything she said. She ran to the phone and pressed the speed dial for the big house. She needed Cam.
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Sixteen “Hello?” Cam’s sleepy voice croaked into the phone after the second ring. “Cam! Something’s wrong with Jordan! Can you come over right away?” “Julie?” “Yes. He’s sick, so please hurry.” “Be right there!” In minutes Cam’s heavily booted feet clomped up on the front steps. As she swung open the cabin’s front door, the harried look in his eyes astonished her. The trek through the snow couldn’t have been easy, but at least the snowfall had come to an end. For the big grouch to show such concern after the way he sometimes spoke back to Jordan indicated a lot going on between those two she didn’t understand. “Don’t bother taking off your footwear. Jordan is doubled up in pain. I don’t know what to do. I tried, but can’t lift him back to bed.” Cam glowered and pushed her aside, then turned. “Why didn’t you call sooner? The roads are socked in and the chopper is up north.” 192
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“I just found him, so save your blather for later. I bathed his forehead, hoping to comfort him.” Julie wrung her hands as she followed Cam’s lead. His scathing hostility put his thoughts out where she could see he blamed her. He truly didn’t like her. Her failure to enclose a photo couldn’t have brought such distrust. She must have been right—he assumed she was a gold digger. Cam’s strength enabled them to get Jordan sitting upright, then to a standing position. One on each side, they helped him to bed. Julie placed a fresh, cold compress on his forehead, which helped bring him around. “I feel rotten,” he moaned. “I’ve been up most of the night with cramps and vomiting. It must have been the soup I ate at the restaurant.” “What about the stew?” Julie asked. “We had stew for lunch,” Cam snapped. “Dammit, are you saying Liz spiked the food? I watched her ladle out your portions. None of us were sick.” “I suppose you watched her deliver it?” “Of course not; maybe something else made him sick.” “And Alaska grows palm trees.” Cam’s mouth turned to a sober line, but he said nothing. Jordan paid no attention to their give and take. The pallor of his skin contrasted sharply with the hearty man who a short time before had dazzled Julie with his energy. Shoving her anguish aside, she fluffed up the pillow behind his head, then brought him a tumbler of water. After he sipped the contents and lay back to rest, she retreated to the kitchen to give Cam and Jordan a few 193
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minutes alone. Their deep voices resonated through the walls. “Jordan, you scared the bejesus out of me! When did you feel this coming on?” “Just after I went to bed. Don’t blame Julie. I thought it would pass quickly so I didn’t call her.” “You weren’t sleeping together?” Julie gasped. “What a lowlife,” she muttered. How she wanted to go in and punch his words down his throat. “Cam,” Jordan said, “has anyone ever talked to you about your dirty mind?” “Yes, Maggie... frequently. But I thought that was why you brought Julie here, you know, to fool around.” Julie winced and stopped just outside the doorway. She held another glass of fresh water against her forehead to calm her angst. She must be the laughing stock of the ranch, and she couldn’t entirely blame Liz; Cam had been in on the arrangement from the start. Jordan’s reply bolstered her spirit. “Julie is a lady. What we do is none of your damn business.” His words ground to a halt from weakness. “I’m sorry, Jordan. You’re right. I just don’t want to see you hurt again. She had some nerve blaming Liz for your illness, though. She must’ve caught that from Maggie.” Not wanting to interrupt, Julie returned to the kitchen. Let them think what they like. I bet the stew made Jordan sick. She found the phone book, looked up the name of the diner and called to check if anyone else had reported illness. The reply was a huffy negative. 194
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She was standing at the kitchen window watching a lone plow clear the yard when Cam’s footsteps thumped to the threshold. She turned and noticed a look of uncertainty as to whether he should enter. Her eyes, still moist from his contempt, quickly looked back at the mountains. “It appears Jordan is feeling better. It also appears, I owe you an apology. I’ve been making an ass out of myself by jumping to wrong conclusions. I mistakenly saw the sparkle of Jordan’s money in your eyes when you arrived here and thought you were going to use sex to get it, just like Marsha did.” He sighed then dejectedly dropped into a chair. “Just a minute; I want to show you something.” She disappeared then returned from her bedroom with a folder. “I know what you thought. Take a look at these, Cam.” Cam eyed her carefully before he took them from her grasp and siphoned through them. “These are your last year’s income tax forms.” Julie watched his eyes widen when they read the lines designating Employment Income, Investment Income, and Total Income; he went no further. Instead of chewing nails, she felt a strange burst of pride. The taste of victory felt sweet. Cam shrugged, hopelessly tangled in his overactive imagination. “Can I ask how come you have these papers with you?” “I thought I could show them to Jordan should he again insist on paying me for coming to the ranch.” With a face flushing still deeper, Cam offered a new greeting. “Welcome to the Lazy M, Julie!” 195
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Smiling, she accepted his big, calloused hand and closed her fingers tightly around it. Her spirit soared. Lost for words, Cam passed back the papers, doffed his Stetson and walked out. Guess he’s what you call the strong and occasionally silent type. Julie shook her head and closed the door against the icy blasts. She tiptoed back to Jordan’s room. Snoring loudly, he was at peace. She crossed her arms and remained in the doorway listening to his rhythmic breathing with relief. She paid particular attention to the way his dark hair spilled onto his forehead. He looked like a little boy, even though he was driven by an adult sense of purpose. He had pushed common sense out of her head. Could she withstand his domination and dare be the mother of his child? Yeesh! That could be moot in her present predicament. She might not have the choice. Thoughts of protection hadn't been important last night. Should she stay, the risk to her mental stability was high; the risk to her heart even higher. She had initiated his advances by simply being here, but that was not a good reason for her powerful response to the intimacy. The wisest course was to leave, and the sooner the better. If she were pregnant from her indiscretion, she would be out of here before he could know about it. After checking Jordan again, Julie went back to bed for an hour or two’s rest and fell asleep with visions of motherhood floating in her dreams interspersed by certain appealing male features dominated by a wicked smile. She awoke with the bright rays of sun buttering her face, the rest of her comfortably snuggled beneath the covers. 196
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Opening one eye, she glanced around the room trying to place where she was. She remembered Jordan’s sickness. She hurriedly slipped into fresh underwear, blue jeans, and her yellow sweater. Flustered that she hadn’t checked on him more than once after Cam left, she rushed to his room, dismayed to see his door ajar and the bed empty. Fearing his condition had deteriorated while she slept, she rushed to the bathroom, gratefully finding it deserted. She found him at the kitchen table drinking tea. His haggard face, stubbly chin, dreary eyes and ruffled hair made him a terrible sight to behold. Julie smiled at his slovenly appearance. She fought the urge to do something out of the ordinary, like run and pounce on the lap of this wild-looking man, fling her arms around his neck and kiss him until he yelled “uncle”. While strolling to the toaster, she asked sedately, “How are you this morning, Jordan?” “Fine!” The one word, bitten off sharply, warned all was not well. She turned and studied him, disliking the way his eyes avoided hers. It spoke of another mood swing. Had she done something wrong? “You don’t sound ‘fine’. What’s the problem? Stomach cramps?” “No.” “Well, what is it then? Your frown is back; something has you riled.” She was at the point she could read him now. She slammed the toaster’s lever, then snapped it back up because she forgot to put in the bread. “Last night you implied Liz might’ve had something to do with me getting sick.” 197
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“No implication intended. I pointed out a possible source of your illness. Other than the soup at the restaurant and the stew for supper, we ate the same things. I didn’t accuse Liz of anything. The restaurant said no one else reported being sick.” “Did you expect them to own up?” He swiped his palm across the back of his neck. “I’ve known Liz all of my life. I know only too well how rumors start. I won’t stand for accusations against her. Is that clear, Julie?” In the midst of pouring herself a mug of tea, she considered throwing the mug at him, but the toast popped in time to distract her. She slapped butter on the toast before she spoke. “You’ve made yourself more than clear.” She sat across from him, and rather than meet the glare in his eyes, she focused on the start of a stormless day. She spooned sugar into her tea to dispel the bitter taste in her dry mouth. Her mood now cloaked in darkness, she sipped her tea, too annoyed to care that she had overdone the sweetness. She hadn’t observed such moodiness in him before. Perhaps there were other miserable traits she should watch for, instead of having her mind clouded by the pleasure of sex. Memory of the previous night should have filled her with embarrassment, or even longing. She felt nothing. And what about the stew? ~*~ Jordan remained quiet after his remark, silently reprimanding himself for being so irritable. He resented Julie’s theory that Liz was to blame when there was no doubt in his mind that the restaurant’s soup was the 198
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culprit. It has to be the soup. The antagonism between Julie and Liz has gotten out of hand. I’ll put a stop to it. Liz drove him to distraction at times, too, especially with her tendency to use any excuse to drape herself over him. But he’d never doubt her loyalty. Marsha, even with her quick temper, had been able to get along with Liz; in fact the two of them had been the best of friends, always with their heads together laughing. Julie brought out the worst in Liz and in Cam, too. Jordan wondered if Julie was trying to set a record for the most unwelcome guest. The phone’s ring broke off his speculations. He spoke for a few minutes, then hung up. “There’s a problem with one of the horses. I’m going down to the barn.” His tone softened, but to his ears he sounded like he was using an out to get away from her company. And he was. “Maggie’s expecting a hand from you this morning.” The solemn look in Julie’s face warned him to leave before they had words. He knew he wouldn’t be up to combat strength for a couple of days. ~*~ Julie shrugged. “It will be pleasant to talk to someone who isn’t grumpy.” Jordan’s woeful expression didn’t carry weight with her. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but with the deliberate scowl she wore, he had to know he’d said enough already. Jordan stalked to his bedroom. Dressed in jeans and a shirt that brought out the blue in his lackluster eyes, he returned in less than five minutes. He snatched his suede fleece-lined jacket from the wall. Without a word, he fastened the snaps and turned up the collar. His Stetson pulled low, he stepped into his 199
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boots and looked like the typical cowpoke—not at all vulnerable like last night. Julie repressed the urge to beg him not to go. She refused to play the wife role when their situation didn’t warrant giving him that much consideration. Relapse? His problem. Nevertheless, she anxiously watched as he slipped several times hurrying across the yard. She realized that as angry as she was with him, he still had that indefinable appeal tugging at her heart. She figured she’d lose that in time, or maybe not, but at least it wouldn’t kill her.
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Seventeen The frosty crunch beneath her sneakers jarred Julie’s nerves as she cautiously made her way over to Maggie’s house. She wished she had thought to buy a pair of warm boots when she was in town. She wouldn’t be able to traipse around outside much, and the thought of confinement was enough to lower her already blue mood. Her spirits lifted when she reached the big house and was met by three excited children getting ready to play outside. Immediately she fell to helping Maggie dress them in snowsuits, mittens, and boots. When the last child crashed out the door, she and Maggie sighed in unison and retreated to the warmth of the kitchen wood stove. The children’s boisterous exuberance gave Julie a sense of what she was missing by not having a family of her own. A tear dampened her cheek as her heart drummed out yet another yearning. Her mind automatically pictured Jordan as the father. The very thought caused her to hold her arms and rub them in anguish. 201
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With a quizzical gleam in her eyes, Maggie seemed to sense her despair. “How’s Jordan feeling today? I saw him walk slowly into the sheep barn, a deep frown on his face.” “He’s furious because I suggested the stew he ate might be responsible for his illness. He would be smarter to stay inside until he’s recovered.” “We had the same stew, but no one got sick from it.” “No one got sick from the diner’s food either, they told me, but Jordan’s right—they might not have told the truth. I wasn’t accusing Liz of anything, but it’s a possibility something in her concoction made him sick.” “Neither he or Cam allow anyone to say a word against Liz. I’m not too sure their trust is justified, but I keep my mouth shut where she’s concerned. I don’t like the woman, but I don’t think she’d deliberately hurt Jordan. Once I get all of my strength back, I’m not letting her in the house no matter what Cam says. She isn’t gentle with the kids and they don’t like her. I swear, I’ve always felt better on days she isn’t here. Cam says it’s psychological.” “Cam doesn’t know diddly squat.” Julie felt heat move into her cheeks. She hadn’t meant for those words to come out. “I agree.” Maggie laughed. “I hope you don’t mind coming over to help. Adam is down for his nap. I feel capable of tackling the world, but Cam doesn’t want me to in case I overdo it and make myself sick again. I’ve been 202
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well most of the time since Adam was born, but I occasionally have relapses. Even the doctor is stumped.” “Have they tested your blood?” “Not lately. It’s a four-hour drive to a hospital that carries out lab tests. We have to schedule them when Cam can take me. We’ve gone periodically, but nothing ever shows up.” “What would you like me to help you with, Maggie? Name your torture.” “Hmm, let’s see.” Julie watched Maggie’s wistfulness fade, replaced by an energetic sparkle. “You have a choice. Either clean up the kitchen, or if you prefer, you can make the beds.” “I’ll tackle the kitchen and keep an eye on the kids from the window.” “Cam doesn’t allow them to go out of sight of the house.” “Because of the cougar?” “Yeah. He’s a very protective father. I just wish—” “That he was a doting husband?” “Something like that.” Julie knew she better get Maggie off this downward spiral to sadness on a day that called for renewal with the season’s change. “Look at us, Maggie; we’re full of wishes. Maybe they’ll eventually come true.” “What’s your greatest wish? Jordan?” “Children of my own. I’m not up to Jordan’s moodiness.” 203
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“Jordan, moody? That’s what Cam says, but I’ve never found him that way. He and I have good chats. Without his encouragement, I might have left Cam long ago.” “It’s been that rough between you two?” “Yes. Oh, Julie, maybe you can find out what’s eating at him. Cam was almost to the point I thought he would confide in me. Until...” “Until I came?” “I hate to say so, but yes, he's regressed into that hard crust of his.” “Like Jordan was this morning. I’m not a good influence here. I won’t be staying long.” “We’ve got three weeks," Maggie said. "Let’s make the most of it. You have no idea how great it is having you here. Please don’t do anything rash like returning to Vancouver early. I’ll even try to persuade Jordan to come across with a hefty donation of sperm.” Maggie giggled all the time she was showing Julie where the kitchen supplies were stored. Maggie was still laughing when she left to get on with the bedroom chores. Julie was soon humming away, lost in the novelty of working in a real home. With the dishwasher running, she didn’t hear the back door open and close. She peered out the window and laughed out loud when she saw DeeDee and Jason showing Tommy how to slide on his knees down the slope of the front lawn. Their sweet faces shone with pure delight. Maggie would have fits when she saw the wear and tear on their snow pants. They were having such a good time, far be it for her to dampen their spirits. 204
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“That looks like fun; want to give it a try?” Jordan murmured directly over her shoulder. “Oh,” she squeaked when she nearly jumped out of her skin. The mischief in his eyes contrasted with the cold she’d seen earlier. “Sorry, but you’re not allowed to play in the snow today.” Julie looked around her. The crackle of the stove’s fire, the strong scent of wood smoke, remnants of breakfast foods scattered on the table, and a pleasant sounding male voice gave tangible evidence of the life she wished was hers. City living couldn’t hold a candle to what was available here in the wilderness. In a short space of time, excluding two people, she’d felt in tune with her surroundings. She hated to admit to herself, but Jordan’s domination, for good or bad, always jolted to life the lazy spirit languishing within her. “Well?” Jordan’s playful grin exploded fireworks in sensitive areas. “Well what?” “Are you coming out to play? I’m going anyway. You can finish up here when you come back.” “I don’t have suitable clothes.” “Maggie’s about your size. Just a second.” Jordan went to the bottom of the stairs and hollered. “Maggie, can Julie borrow your snowpants and boots?” “Sure, I have extra, tell her to pick out what she needs; they’re by the back door.” As Julie gazed into his eyes, her heart scurried for protection. How could she find the gumption to leave this 205
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tower of persuasion? “Damn. If you get sick again, don’t call on me.” She smiled, knowing full well she’d be the first one at his side. They stayed outside only a short time. Jordan’s energy depleted quickly, but lasted long enough to have fun. While he sat at the table and watched the children from the window, Julie tidied up feverishly, trying hard not to get caught up in an explosion of need with his presence. She relaxed only when Maggie appeared and talked him into resting in the guest bedroom. As Julie vacuumed the lower floor, her thoughts centered upstairs. Her vivid imagination pictured Jordan’s large frame stretched out on the sheets in the room at the back of the house. Had he left room for her? She’d never know; she wasn’t about to venture up the back stairs to find out. When Jordan reappeared at the doorway, she and Maggie were busily preparing tossed salad and heating vegetable soup. He looked only in one direction—Julie’s. The skim of his eyes over her body made her feel every inch a woman. “Are you better after the rest or worse from your play outside?” Julie asked. “You’ve slept over an hour.” “Better. Haven’t had any fun for a long time. It’s good for the soul.” His eyes moved to her face and stayed. She wished he’d look elsewhere. Their piercing depth made her want the impossible. She finished her chores, anxious to leave the room on the pretense of freshening up. She needed a 206
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respite from the self-consciousness he caused. Cold water splashed against her face in the bathroom helped lower her temperature just as the children noisily entered the back entryway. From then on she was lost in a hectic pace of trying to undress wiggling bodies and placing soggy clothes on a rack over the stove. The children devoured their lunch with iced chocolate cake as a lure. Laughter filled the air. At DeeDee’s request, Julie regaled the children with tales of her adventures with sea lions. Cam entered and hovered in the background. Sitting across from her at the table, Jordan seemed to hang on every word. When the phone rang, Jordan being the closest to the living room took the call. Julie heard a few muttered words but paid no attention until he loomed over the table, a strange, unreadable look on his face. “The call is for Doctor Reagan,” he muttered, thumping down in his chair. Julie didn’t move. “Aren’t you going to take it?” His tone bore that edge she disliked. The room quieted. She could tell the doctor designation surprised them. Maybe she should have mentioned it, but she’d never made a point of standing on ceremony over her education in her private life. The sudden chirp of the cuckoo clock ground against Julie’s eardrums. Twinges punished her temples. She scanned the somber faces, then rose and walked into the living room where she picked up the receiver and spoke softly, “Hello?” 207
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“Hi, Julie. This is Dana. Did I call at a bad time?” Julie heard the back door slam and peered out the window to see Jordan strutting back to the cabin. “No,” she lied. Anytime would have been bad. Her hands gripped the phone tighter as she tried to strengthen her voice and sound more enthused. “How are things going in Vancouver?” “Same old routine. What do you think of the man that whisked you into the wilderness? I’m dying to hear all about him... You are all right, aren’t you? I mean he’s safe to be around, isn’t he?” “He seems to be safe, Dana.” Julie tried to sound convincing, well aware she couldn’t convince herself. Jordan’s moodiness confused and irritated her. Did he not intend for her to have contact with the outside world? If that was so, he was in for a rude awakening. “You have no cause to worry.” “The reason I’m calling is to tell you we have to move up the wedding date. It’ll be next Saturday.” “Next week? Dana, I don’t know what to say.” “Joe has been offered a great job in Calgary. We’ll be moving there. I know this is inconvenient for you. Sorry for the hellish short notice. I wish I could’ve given you more warning, but I’m in a bind. Can you see your way clear to return to Vancouver by Wednesday?” “I guess I’ll have to, if you need me.” “If you want to bring Jordan, we can fit him into the reception easily because we’ve had cancellations. I have a million things to do. Take care, Julie, Byeee!” 208
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Julie’s shoulders sagged. Dana’s energy wore her out at times; this was one of those times. She slumped on the sofa. It was just as well to have a good excuse for leaving early. She hoped she could last until then. The air suddenly seemed oppressive; her life was screeching out of control. Her sense of direction had flipflopped so many times she felt like she was inside a tornado. Now that the wedding date was settled, she remembered Jordan’s miserable scowl when he’d called her to take Dana’s call. Dana must have asked for Doctor Reagan. Right. Julie had forgotten to give Jordan that one small detail—she had her doctorate—but then again, he hadn’t asked. She shuffled her thoughts of Dana’s wedding preparations, Jordan’s quick temper, Liz’s jealousy, and Cam’s disposition. She’d lost sight of herself with so many intrusions. When she returned to the kitchen, Cam was helping Maggie clear the table. “Jordan’s kinda upset. He went home, Julie.” The deep grooves in his brow emphasized Cam’s concern. “Maybe you ought to go straighten out the problem. I think it’s to do with him not knowing you have such highfalutin qualifications. The others who applied had their high school diplomas and that’s all we considered necessary.” “Jordan’s letter specified well-educated. Working in marine biology means a university degree. I can’t help it if I’ve got honors and masters degrees along with my doctorate. Why should it make any difference, Cam? My 209
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parenting capability doesn’t depend on a piece of paper. Frankly, I’m tired of defending myself and sick of the bad moods around here, too. Will you take me to the bus station tomorrow morning?” “I can’t do that, Julie. Jordan would never approve, and anyway, the roads are too snowy to get to town.” Frustration showed in his face. “Calm down and explain it to him.” “Cam is right,” Maggie added, “Jordan can be pigheaded. Look, I feel great today. I can manage here. Why don’t you go over and talk about it.” The way she looked at Cam, Julie knew Maggie was thinking the same applied to her and Cam. It was difficult when one side wouldn’t budge. Julie hunched against the strong gusts as she started toward the cabin. She had thought there would be less pressure on her today with Liz’s absence, but she had run into a wall of mulishness that was impossible to predict, hard to demolish. At least she understood Liz’s jealousy, but Jordan’s moods went beyond reason. As she passed the open door of the main barn, a voice called out, “Miss Reagan?” Tony leaned against the first horse stall. She turned from her course and veered inside, more to catch her breath than to talk with him. “Hi, Tony.” “Hello, ma’am. Would you like a gander at the foal that was born this mornin'?” “Oh, yes.” Julie smiled, her edginess gone in a flash when she looked into the handsome face and shining hazel 210
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eyes. Tony led her to a stall spread with sweet smelling hay laid down for the tiny colt. Its mother stood proudly nuzzling her newborn. Fascinated by the love and dependence shown by the two animals, Julie settled her foot on a cross board of the stall and rested her hands on the railing while she watched. “Isn’t it somethin’?” Tony’s admiration diverted her attention. “What?” “How strong mother love can be. The mare’s just gone through a lot of pain, yet here she is, lovin’ her foal, thrilled to have it with her.” “Any love is special,” Julie whispered wistfully. “It’s a wonderful part of nature.” She reached into the stall and motioned to the mare. Her concentration was so great, she didn’t hear Jordan enter the barn. Nor did she realize that Tony had suddenly backed off. Until she heard a faint hiss of breath expelled from the cold. She stared up into Jordan’s grim expression. “We need to talk, Jordan.” Her voice held firm, not betrayed by her stomach’s threat to launch its contents. Her first thought was he’d accuse her of starting something with the ranch hand. “That’s a fact,” he replied after a moment. “Did I interrupt something you had going with Tony?” “Boy, have I got you pigeonholed. I knew you were thinking exactly that.” The smirk, which abruptly appeared on his mouth, did nothing to alleviate her rising temper. “Aren’t you being a little presumptuous?” She 211
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shoved her hands into her pockets so he couldn’t see them shake. Tony spoke up. “Jordan, I thought she’d want to see the foal.” Jordan ignored Tony and glared at Julie. “We’ll discuss it at the cabin.” He strutted to the barn door, confident she would follow. Julie threw her head back and muttered a few muffled expletives. At the doorway, Jordan turned, eyes widened because she wasn’t dragging behind him. “Are you coming, Julie, or do I carry you over my shoulder?” Tony straightened to full height, hesitated, and without looking at her ambled out a side door. Julie looked down at her feet, pondering Jordan’s caveman threats, then decided this wasn’t the time to test them. She trudged toward him. As he steered her around icy patches, she wished she’d kept on the mukluks and avoided Jordan’s hold on her elbow. Once they entered the cabin, Julie flung her jacket onto the peg, stamped off the snow and stormed into the living room. Jordan followed, and when she stopped dead center of the room, he passed by her and crouched near the fireplace, haphazardly tossing paper, kindling, and wood, onto the hearth. The strike of his match grated like chalk shrieking down a blackboard. She waited with trepidation for the battle ordained from the moment she’d stepped onto McIntyre land.
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Eighteen Like the Rockies about to withstand yet another storm, Jordan stood tall and dauntless as he faced Julie. His arms crossed, she braced for the fall-out. “What’s this about, Jordan?” “It’s about you playing games with my life.” “Games? Are you worried about losing something? You don’t have to worry. I’ll be out of here on tomorrow’s bus.” He stayed clothed in silence for an excruciating moment, then strode into the kitchen, returning with her purse. When he opened and tilted it to show her, the contents spilled on the floor. He looked as surprised as she was. Julie blinked and scanned the cosmetics and other items scattered indiscriminately. Perplexed, she looked back at him. The cool, clinical detachment she usually maintained rapidly disappeared, replaced by indignation and fast-building fury. “What right have you to go through my private things? I would have emptied my purse if you had asked to see what it carried. But you didn’t ask; you took it upon 213
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yourself to pry. What did you expect to find, Jordan? Are you shocked it holds three hundred dollars? Does the shade of my lipstick disturb you? Maybe you don’t like the fact I have a nail file... it could be used to break into your safe, if you have one.” Her hands balled into fists as she struggled to regain her composure. Jordan squatted and picked up an envelope. “You never told me you were Doctor Reagan.” “So?” Her full identification always came on missives from the university. “You never asked. You wanted a ‘well-educated’ woman. One applied—me! What’s the problem?” “I had to quit school in grade nine to work the ranch when dad was dying. I wanted my children to have at least one thoroughly schooled parent, but having a doctorate is way over my head. Someone with that education wouldn’t be content here for long.” “Give me a break! You’ve done well for yourself, why be ashamed? It’s not the educational difference that would cause me to leave... your uncivilized arrogance would drive the most tolerant woman from the valley.” Jordan grabbed an item from the pile—she couldn’t see what. He stood, held the object in his fist and walked to the window. He glanced at her and in that short moment she saw something more than anger. His brooding spoke of pain and stopped her cold. She watched him pace back and forth, his expression of gloom a contrast to the bright backdrop of glistening snow. The splendor of the view should lift his spirit to the highest of heights, but he seemed beyond its calming influence. She bent down and retrieved her purse contents, shoving her wallet in her 214
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jeans pocket. Once done, she stood and faced him. “Okay, Jordan, what’s really got your balls in a knot?” ~*~ Jordan avoided looking at her, his insides doing a slow burn. His pride had disintegrated the minute he’d gone where he had no right to go—into her shoulder bag. He’d discovered the packet labeled Emergency Contraception. Jordan read no further. He didn’t need to do so. What she thought of him was clear. “You’ve done the worst thing you could, Julie.” “And that is?” “We lost our heads the other night and went too far, granted.” He opened his palm. “But to abort any chance of something coming from our indiscretion is unforgivable when we both want kids.” “This flap is because of that package?” Her eyes narrowed and beamed straight at him, displaying none of the guilt he thought should be there. “That’s my take on the situation.” “Your take! Ever think that occasionally your ‘take’ might be off? Look at the package... it hasn’t been opened.” Jordan turned the packet over in his hand. “It says there’s a seventy-two hour time-frame for use.” He shut his mouth abruptly. There might be a light shining in the dark after all. A mere pinpoint, but light no less. “Why do you have them?” “Dana thought I should have some kind of protection here in the wild. I had no intention of using them, but I promised to get them to put her mind at ease.” “Say I believe you, I—.” 215
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“I don’t give a fig if you believe me or not.” He reached out his hand, then withdrew it quickly, wondering why she would want any contact with him after this. “I’ve made a jackass of myself, haven’t I?” “Frankly, yes. But that’s the least of it. You invade my privacy, you go berserk over a stupid misconception, no pun intended, what’s next? I’m fed up to the gills.” He turned toward the window, unsure whether to tell her more. “Marsha flirted a great deal. That’s what brought her to me. That’s what drove us apart. I was busy running the ranch and she came on so strong I didn’t have to do much to get a relationship started. I thought she’d concentrate her seductive ways just on me, but there was someone else horning in on my territory. She sometimes threw it in my face that there were those on the Lazy M more than willing to provide the attention she needed. I got to the stage I didn’t trust any man here.” He mumbled to the windowpane. “Tony was a strong possibility at the time, then I thought of someone else.” Thinking about her deceit had preyed on his mind until he met Julie. Julie didn’t need to know the whole story. “You didn’t fire the guy?” “Not without proof, but he’s here on a thin thread getting thinner all the time.” “Jealousy is something you have to deal with yourself. Cam won’t take me to the bus station because he doesn’t want to go behind your back. How about we call a truce and you can drive me there?” “And if you’re pregnant?” “Wrong time of the month.” Julie’s complexion paled and she looked weak; she slid onto the armrest of a chair. 216
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“As far as education goes, raising a child would be enough to keep me here if conditions were tolerable. They aren’t. I didn’t come here to take your money or make demands like Marsha did.” “I see you and Maggie have adequately discussed my private miseries.” “Sorry.” She gulped. “That was a low blow.” “The hell of it was,” Jordan said, “nothing I did for her was ever enough.” Jordan raked his fingers through his hair. She didn’t need to advertise her degrees. Her logic convinced him she was far smarter than he. He’d earned his idiot qualifications with this episode. “I’ll take you home in a couple of days when the weather is stable. One more thing, then I can let the matter rest.” He fingered the contraception packet end for end. “I need the truth.” He stood before her, rested his hands on her shoulders and peered into her eyes. “Okay; fire away.” She stared back, not flinching one iota.” “Did you consider needing that protection to keep from having my child?” He didn’t know what he’d do if she said yes. Looking into her face he couldn’t help how he felt. Win or lose he didn’t want her out of his life. “Well?” “I would never abort your child.” “Then it appears I have a lot of fence-mending to do.” He bent down to kiss one of her freckles. She responded with a stinging slap across his cheek. “I’m not that easy.” 217
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Jordan grabbed her wrist, then dropped it, recoiling from his shock. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.” She didn’t answer right away, just left him hanging. He’d had another start and still didn’t use his common sense. Marsha was gone from his life, yet still ruling his emotions from the grave. “All right,” Julie said, we’ll try to get past this.” He had to ask one last question or burst from the pressure. “What about Tony?” “Tony? Jordan, you can’t expect me not to talk to your men. That doesn’t mean I’ll jump in the sack with them. I’m sorry Marsha left you full of distrust, but I’m not going to defend every move I make. I do enough of that in my research. My private life is my own.” A long pause washed through the room. Her eyes dulled. She gave a slight nod. “I want to leave as soon as possible.” ~*~ Julie regretted that her search for fulfillment had brought such upheaval to Jordan’s domain. He’d brought havoc to hers, though, so maybe it was an even split. Still, the bleak look in his eyes told of his disappointment. A short time ago, she would never have confronted anyone but would have slunk back to her apartment to lick her wounds. A short time ago, she would never have envisioned such a virile male in her life. How absurd for her to have suddenly hoped for a pot of gold at the end of her rainbow. She inhaled a deep breath. “I don’t want to deal with anyone else’s baggage. Maybe Marsha had reasons for behaving the way she did.” 218
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Jordan’s hands flexed down at his sides. By his failure to lash back and the far away glaze in his eyes, she wondered if he saw Marsha in her stead. She stared at him a few minutes. Yes, he did. “I’ll pack so I can be ready whenever the roads are plowed.” Jordan snapped to alert. “It could be a while before the weather clears; I’m not sending the men off the ranch.” Without another word Julie walked to the bedroom but instead of slamming, she shut the door softly. Restraint was called for; or else face continued war. She tried her utmost not to cry. She wished she’d never brought Marsha’s name into her plea to leave, never empathized with a woman who had caused Jordan such pain. Still, lingering at the back of her mind was the nagging suspicion Marsha may have had good reason to take flight. Tears blurred Julie’s eyes. To keep occupied until they stopped, she removed her clothing from the drawers and slowly packed all of it in her suitcases. About to tackle her jeans and sweaters in the closet, she deliberately didn’t turn when she heard the click of the door latch behind her. The fragrance of Jordan’s cologne, though faint, wrapped around her like swaddling clothes on an infant. It didn’t comfort her. His uneven, ragged breath brought a lump to her throat. Needing sound, Julie noisily removed her clothes from the hangers and laid them on the bed. Her pulses pounded against her temples again. Jordan said nothing. His power to cause such a strong reaction irritated her as always. Damn you, say something! 219
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Nineteen Jordan backed away and balanced his still weak body against the wall. Mesmerized by this woman who had intrigued him from the first moment he had laid eyes on her, he was close to losing her. Losing the chance for something strangely wonderful beneath their smoldering conflicts. Why was he so quick to criticize her when he’d been captivated by her warmth and willingness to satisfy his sexual hunger just a short time ago? Terrified he’d fall for her like he had for Marsha, he had allowed his fear to destroy his common sense. Sense that hadn’t been working at full voltage since he’d brought her here. If there was any hope left, he’d have to change. Pleading would make him look like a putz. He’d try something else. “You promised to stay three weeks, Julie.” “Circumstances have changed.” She swung around, her eyes glimmering with moisture. Had he dreamed it would be this way, he’d never have brought her home. He was ashamed of himself, yet he couldn’t bring himself to ask forgiveness. 220
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“Dana has moved her wedding up to next week. Staying until Wednesday is the best I can do, but only if you can be civil and less like a cave man.” He puffed out a controlled breath. “All right. It’s your call.” He restlessly shifted his position, folding his arms to give the appearance of being unconcerned. He pulled his mouth to a grim line to prevent his jaw muscles flexing and showing she perturbed him. “I could badger you about keeping your word, but I can also take you home. I’m not the ogre you think. Anytime you want to leave, I can fly you out.” He clasped his hands tightly behind his back expecting her to say, “Right now.” She looked at him thoughtfully before making her decision. “Okay, Wednesday it is.” His heart leaped; he had won a small victory. “You won’t be sorry.” ~*~ Julie lay on the bed after Jordan left, her fingers absentmindedly tugging at the soft chenille tufts. I want a baby worse than ever—his. How dumb is that? In her heart, she knew the wisest course would be to get out now. His thoughtfulness when she was ill left her hungering for that side of him to appear again. Who was she kidding? It wasn’t only the desire to have his child that kept her here—she had fallen in love with him. And it hurt. 221
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Restless, she sauntered out to the living room and found him sitting in a chair, feet propped on the coffee table, thumbing through the medical book. “Julie, what were you looking up when I interrupted you yesterday?” “Artificial insemination.” “I see.” He grinned that quirky curve of his mouth that always tickled her heart. “And did the author explain how romantic the use of a turkey baster is?” “The author forgot to mention it. What are you looking for?” “Food poisoning.” “And?” “It could have been either the soup or the stew that made me sick. I shouldn’t have jumped at you for suggesting it was what Liz served. The saving grace is that no one else who ate stew got the symptoms.” “No one else around here has the flu, either. I guess that settles it then. I’m sorry, Jordan. I’m usually more objective. The restaurant wouldn’t be apt to own up if it was their food—it would ruin their reputation.” “Let’s forget it. If you’re doing the cooking for a while, how about sticking to plain dishes?” “Sounds like a safe plan to me.” He nodded and closed the book. “I’m going in for a rest before I make some asinine statement that might make you want to leave again.” ~*~ 222
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Julie sat at the kitchen table, her chin resting on her upturned hand. No thrill filled her heart as she gazed at the mountain enclosure. It trapped her physically and mentally. “Julie?” She jumped and looked at the clock. “Jordan! I thought you were going to sleep the afternoon away; it’s only been an hour and a half.” “Couldn’t sleep. I did some serious thinking instead. I want you to come with me. Dress warmly.” “Where are we going?” “You’ll see. I called Maggie. DeeDee is bringing over her mother’s boots for you. She has another pair.” By the time Julie donned her jacket, and a sweater, the little girl was at the front step with the mukluks on her small sleigh. Julie pulled three Jersey Milk chocolate bars from a glass jar on the counter and passed them to her. DeeDee’s face lit up. “Check with your mom before you share them, okay?” “I will. Are you and Jordan going coasting?” “Not now, sweetie, maybe later,” Jordan answered. DeeDee waved goodbye and they watched her trudge home, pausing to holler a greeting to one of the horses leaning over a corral fence. Julie pulled on the boots and followed Jordan outside. She noted the cracking of his voice when he said, “We’re g-going to the shed.” Her muscles tensed. As they walked, she wondered if this was how prisoners felt traipsing to the gallows. She 223
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held onto his arm for support in the deeper snow close to the barns. She shivered when they reached the shed’s front. Jordan lifted the bar and pulled the door open. A flick of the inside switch flooded the area with fluorescent lighting, casting a cold glare on the crumpled steel. He stood aside for her to enter. “I want you to see this, then you’ll know I’m not keeping secrets from you. I shouldn’t have shot off my mouth when you came in on your own. Just a second, I’ll shut the door to keep out the wind.” He did so, moving his arm around her waist to give Julie the impression it was for his own comfort as much as hers that he touched her. “After the accident, the police went over Marsha’s car with a microscope. They couldn’t find anything remotely suspicious. Cam and I spent hours inspecting it ourselves... looking for a mechanical defect.” “The brakes were okay?” “They showed no signs of having been tampered with, yet I can’t shake the feeling we’re missing something. That’s why the wreck’s still here—not because I have a perverted desire to use it as a shrine. The relationship between Marsha and me was what it was... neglected, dishonest, deceptive. I’m not proud of it, Julie, but I can’t change it. We were both to blame. The least I can do is admit it and assure you I would never let it happen again.” Jordan’s sober countenance forced Julie to bite her lip for stability. He had exposed his failings. Appreciating his honesty, she put her hand on his arm and squeezed her 224
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thanks. The wind blowing through the rafters produced a creepy whistle. If she didn’t know better, she’d think it was Marsha calling out for attention. Julie saw enough; she scurried outside. Confusion, mingled with hope for understanding spun in her head. A barrier had been torn down causing her to wonder if others were as surmountable. Both she and Jordan needed to tread carefully to rise above the disillusionment of the past. Jordan barred the door and joined her. She wished he’d seal his demons inside forever. Imaginary fingers clutched at her throat as she took one last look at the building. She’d never go in there again. ~*~ The snow crystals slowly disappeared through the day with an occasional emergence of the sun from behind cloudy skies. Julie’s preparation of crusty baked chicken with scalloped potatoes and Caesar salad went over well with Jordan. Color returned to his complexion, humor to his eyes. In the evening, propped up with pillows on his bed, they watched several reality shows on TV. It had been his idea, and anxious to have something to do besides talk, she hadn’t fought it. To her surprise, Jordan made no advances and accepted her polite excuse to leave because she was sleepy. His soft, “Goodnight,” lingered in her ears long after her exit. She slept well. The next day, Julie accompanied Jordan as he carried out his daily routine around the ranch. His ability to make quick decisions and solve problems increased her 225
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admiration. More important was the quiet respect the cowhands offered him. Conscious his attentiveness could be all show, she preferred to take his actions at face value and never once saw anything to indicate deception. The evening brought a welcome change of pace as they sat on the sofa in front of the fire. Maybe the peace was caused by the satisfaction of having spent a pleasant day free of tension. Simon and Garfunkel’s concert music playing in the background created an ambience she’d experienced long ago. Jordan reached over and pulled her closer. “You look like you’re miles from here. What are you thinking?” She glanced up, soothed by the gentleness of his voice. “I was remembering a time with my dad one Christmas Eve. I was ten. He and I sat in front of a fire after everyone had gone to bed. We just stayed there, not talking, but saying so much. There was no angry shouting, no sounds of slamming doors, and it was the most peace I had known for sometime.” She blinked several times. “Then there were good times at home?” “When my father was the only one around, yes.” She stopped and brushed imaginary crumbs from her slacks. Her words came out in a rapid rush, barely audible above the music and crackling flames. “If I had a family, I’d never let the children witness such hostility. Dad should have taken me and left.” “Your father? Back then he wouldn’t have had a hope in hell of getting custody. Maybe he stayed because of 226
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you. Was their fighting the reason you’ve been running from relationships?” Julie interlaced her fingers—tightly. Jordan took his index finger and gently lifted her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes instead of into the world she saw in the fire. “Are you afraid you would be like your mother?” Julie gasped. Jordan had struck a tender chord. She started to push away, then had second thoughts against resisting and snuggled closer. “I never thought of it that way, but you could be right. Is that what your wife was doing... trying to hurt you?” “I don’t know. We fought, yes, but over insignificant things, like the color of the new living room curtains, or attending a concert in Calgary. Up until the night she left, I’d never mentioned my suspicions because they were only that.” “Maybe in my case I was too quick to lay blame on my mom. There may have been another side of my father I didn’t see, maybe another side to Marsha that you didn’t see. The echoes of our past determine our future. I wonder if there is any hope to leave them behind?” “Running is never the answer. It creates more problems and it causes guilt that’s insidious and disruptive. Paying attention to detail is part of your research. Bring your disillusionment into the open and dissect it. Things aren’t usually as bad as they look.” “You can say that after what you’ve been through?” she asked, not knowing if she should talk about his wife. 227
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“Because of what I’ve been through. I ignored the problems with Marsha when I should have faced them. With you here, I’ve been forced to take another look at the man I had become in my marriage. I wasn’t different from Cam or any other man I’ve known. I worked hard to provide security and a legacy to pass on. I made mistakes, but I tried to give Marsha the best I could. I came home every night, and even though I might not have shown it enough to satisfy her, I did love her. I don’t think the blame is solely mine, any longer.” Jordan unconsciously brushed her arm with a soft, caressing touch. She held her tongue to concentrate on the sexual tension. He had what she’d never had—selfassurance—and although his misery had brought him down, he’d had the courage to rebuild his confidence. She couldn’t quell the excitement in her breast. Things weren’t always as they seemed. “Cam and Marsha were having an affair.” “What?” Julie cocked her head and shifted uncomfortably, not prepared for his revelation. “Several times I saw them sneak out of the barn.” Jordan’s fingers followed along her shoulder, walking up the back of her neck until he found a curl to wrap around his finger. The tingling his movement aroused made it difficult for her to think. “You knew and didn’t fire him?” Incredible. “No. I had to consider Maggie and the kids. Maggie was sick. Without Liz’s devotion, I’m sure she would have passed on. Whatever feeling I had for Marsha died a 228
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fast death. I was about to confront her, but she slammed out of here and took off in her car. She had been raging about my infidelity. Mine! Who in the hell could I be unfaithful with around here?” “Liz.” “Liz? No way!” “So did you face Cam, eventually?” “No. Cam paid for his betrayal in a far more savage way than if I’d sought revenge. He’s still paying for it if you noticed how little he and Maggie talked with each other at dinner.” Jordan breathed into her hair, then his lips grazed Julie’s forehead. “Does Maggie know?” “Know what?” “About Marsha and Cam.” Julie tightened her fingers’ clasp on Jordan’s arm. “Maggie only knows that Cam has distanced himself from her. She’s asked me about it. I just tell her Cam is going through a phase and needs her patience as well as her love.” “Jordan, she thinks her illness drove him away.” “Cam should confess, but I know he’s ashamed and probably worried she’ll leave.” “They both suffer in silence, then. Shouldn’t you do something?” “It’s not my place to interfere, Julie.” Jordan had opened a festering wound for her inspection. She hoped it helped him heal. Swept up in the dizzying lure of his vulnerability, dazzling imagery 229
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pummeled her mind. She wanted him in the most powerful onslaught of need she’d ever felt. She was his if he chose to have her. Warmth spread through her body, fanned into a molten flame by his nearness. This wasn’t just about sex. She had fallen in love, in spite of the odds. Opening his inner self to her in a non-threatening way allowed her to see past his bitterness. His honesty only captivated her more. His weaknesses, as well as his strengths, enchanted her. She kissed him tenderly on the lips. Jordan stiffened. Julie’s brows furrowed at his response. “Is something wrong?” “I need to explain a few things to you in the light of what I’ve already said and what you implied about Liz.” “Jordan, I didn’t imply anything. I merely mentioned her name in context with who you might be unfaithful with on the ranch.” “And you had mentioned her in connection with my illness. You seem to have it in for Liz.” “I’m not getting back on that tired track. Maggie and Cam made it clear it wasn’t a probability. I know my personal opinions are of little value here.” She sighed. Vancouver is my best bet after all. “Look at me, Julie.” Jordan placed his hands gently on her cheeks forcing eye contact. “I want you to understand how important Cam and Liz are in my life. In the aftermath of the accident, he and Liz were my staunchest allies. Never once did either question my involvement. It 230
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was common knowledge that Marsha and I fought. It was only because of their support I was able to get through it. My frustration still breaks through when I least expect it and you’ve had difficulty with that, which proves my point. If you can’t understand my debt to them, we have no chance at all.” “Let’s be honest, Jordan. I’m here because of your badgering. There never was a chance.” Julie pushed away from him. “I’m not convinced.” His eyes took on a sly brightness. Grabbing her hand, he slowly massaged it. Julie pulled her hand back as if he’d poured scalding water on it. “I understand your reasoning. Relationships should be based on mutual respect and honesty; yours with Liz and Cam are not. I think you need to stand back and see it for what it is; use your common sense instead of your heart. I have nothing more to say, except goodnight.” She rose and without a backward glance left the room. As she lay in the bed pondering Jordan’s disclosures, she remembered the terrible loneliness of being on her own. Could I be jealous of his friendships? No, I may be selfish, but only in that I still want a baby for all the love I can offer. What if... She bolted upright and peered out the bedroom window; her hand flew to her chest. A new moon peeked mischievously from behind dark clouds—a new beginning. She repeated her thoughts in a whisper, “What if… I’m already pregnant?”
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Twenty Julie fell into a troubled sleep. The same scenario played over and over in her dreams: Jordan standing naked at the foot of the bed between her raised knees, the stainless steel infusion device held aloft in his hand like a torch. She woke just before dawn, groggy and drained, but relieved she could purge the image from her mind. What if I'm not pregnant? She dressed with care, finger-combed her hair into a tidy French knot, then tiptoed to the kitchen and turned on the light. A few minutes later the aroma of percolating coffee filled the air. She poured some of the brew into a zebra-striped ceramic mug and moved to the table. As she sat on the bench and blew on her drink to cool it, she spotted the headlights of a vehicle coming up the drive. Activity starts early around here. I wonder if I should wake Jordan? She stayed where she was and took a few sips, watching with interest, as a dark pick-up became more visible beneath the light standards. The navy blue truck slowed to a crawl as it passed the cabin. The driver’s face turned upward. Liz! 232
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She’s back. Julie didn’t blink; she waited instead, her mug suspended between her two hands, not noticing her lungs’ cry for air. Liz picked up speed and continued on to the big house. Julie pulled in a replenishing breath followed by a bracing swallow of coffee. How on earth am I going to deal with someone who so obviously dislikes me? At least I know the roads are passable since Liz made it here. I wonder what she has on her mind? Good Heavens! I must have a masochistic side to want to sit around and see what will happen next. A thump from Jordan’s bedroom signaled he was up. Once her palpitations calmed, Julie flew into action, interspersing quick gulps of coffee with breakfast preparation. Soon she was dropping pancake dollops on the grill next to sizzling links of sausage. “Hey, the whole cabin smells great,” Jordan yelled from the bathroom door. “I’ll make my shower quick.” By the time he dressed in his jeans and a denim shirt, she had a platter neatly stacked with golden hot cakes nested in the center of deliciously browned meat. Orange wedges scattered around the hearty breakfast made the meal look like it had popped straight out of Oprah’s O magazine. When he entered the kitchen, Jordan looked at the attractively set table and crossed the room to Julie. He tilted her chin with his finger and unexpectedly landed a gentle kiss on her mouth. Her heart pitter-patted under the intensity of his dark questioning gaze. “Did you sleep well, Julie? I thought I heard the bed squeak a few times. I was tempted to join you. Just to weight the springs down, 233
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you understand.” He grinned a contagious glee, sweeping away the remnants of her reservations. The room heated, so did her flesh. “I didn’t sleep as well as I expected given the circumstances, or maybe because of them.” Unsure how well he would accept the vivid picture she’d had of his nakedness, she kept it to herself. She didn’t yet understand how Jordan’s mere presence could cause such a rush of pleasure despite their contentious issues, but the masterful touch of his mouth again rewarded her compliance. This time she made certain her tongue was ready and willing to meet with his when he searched for it. And search he did, sending all thought of Liz from her mind. “Jordan, your breakfast is going to get cold.” “Your body heat will stay with me all day.” He hugged her tighter—the firm, muscular wall of his chest pressed to the willing softness of her breasts. He motioned for her to sit opposite him and passed the platter to her so she could help herself first. She laughed when he served a lumberjack’s portion onto his plate. “I had no idea you would have such an appetite or I would’ve made more.” “I hunger for lots of things, Julie, just don’t have enough time for it all. After you went to your room last night, I didn’t know what to expect for today. I just know that when you closed your door I wanted to open it and drag you into my lair.” “Good thing you didn’t try. By the way, the roads are plowed; Liz got here a few minutes ago.” 234
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Jordan’s face turned stern. “You can’t be thinking of leaving so soon.” He waited for her to comment but she had no ready answer. Not with Liz on the premises. And the rat poison. She took an extra deep breath and chewed on her lower lip. Sometimes her thoughts astonished her. Nothing had called for that association. Jordan would have a hissy fit if she mentioned it. “Julie, I want you to reconsider. Give me more of a chance for a few days, please?” “I don’t know. Let’s play it by ear.” “Okay, guess that’ll have to be good enough for now. These pancakes are great. I haven’t had any in months.” “Liz never serves them?” “Porridge is her specialty. It slips down like Jell-O.” “Maybe I should get her recipe.” Julie tried to sound matter-of-fact. “I don’t like eating clouds; this is better.” Julie should have been satisfied with his approval. She’d done her best and Jordan appeared pleased. She knew it was time she smartened up and didn’t relate everything she did to Liz’s accomplishments. I wonder if Liz ever made it to Jordan’s bed? Of course, who am I kidding? With boobs like hers and her ability to flaunt them, she probably landed there the first day she passed puberty. Damn. Raunchy thoughts would get her nowhere; better to push them from her mind. She watched Jordan eat, admiring his gung-ho energy. He carried his big frame with the grace of a buck—proud, strong, fitting perfectly into his wilderness—but she liked him in the naked state best. 235
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She had dressed in a low-necked, tight-fitting, knit burgundy sweater and with her black jeans was guaranteed to capture his attention. True to her wish, she felt his eyes riveted on her each time she got up to refill their coffee. For someone as self-conscious and inexperienced as she was, she knew he had given her sexual confidence, awakening her libido. Liz’s return and obvious interest made Julie feel like a woman on the make. She smiled at the truth of it. ~*~ Though it was normal for breakfast to be ready when Liz kept his home, Jordan hadn’t known what to expect from Julie. When she had turned from the stove he got an eyeful. She was hot and inviting. She looked sophisticated, yet taunting—like she’d stepped right out of an advertisement in GQ. His breath quickened with sexual impulses. He wondered if she had any idea what she was doing to him. It wasn’t only her appearance and the way she smiled “Good morning,” but the way her lips met his... reciprocating kiss for kiss. He wanted to grab her and take her to bed, to hell with work. Only last night he had vowed not to pressure her... to allow her breathing room. Now all he could think about was touching her. He gripped his coffee mug and raised it to his mouth, hoping the strong drink would clear his head and quell his wicked urges. “I’m going up to the logging camp to check on the operation. My helicopter will land shortly.” Julie didn’t hint she might like to go and he hadn’t planned to take her, yet for some mystifying reason he 236
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didn’t want to be separated from her. He cleared his throat. “Would you like to go?” Her eyes lit up. “I like helicopters. That’s how we sometimes get near the coast where the sea lions bask. I’d love to go.” Jordan had always liked his space and nothing exemplified it more than flying his chopper to the Lazy M’s northern perimeters. Since Julie had come into his life, his need to be with her had squelched his former need. In some magical way she had bewitched him into wanting to stay by her side, to savor her feminine ways, smell her sweet scent. But most of all to press his hands on the delectable curves that excited his male hormones as if he were a young man on the verge of conquering his first woman. He’d almost forgotten his goal—to gain an heir. Julie was independent and a free thinker. She challenged him without dragging him down. Marsha’s damned dependence drove her to find sex wherever she could. Even Liz, when he confided his suspicions to her, admitted Marsha had nymphomaniac tendencies. “I won’t be in the way?” Julie asked, bringing him out of his thoughts. Her eyes reflected the brightness of a sunny day. “Not if you stay right beside me. It’s a dangerous area with falling trees... and rugged men who haven’t seen a woman up close for a month. I think you’d better change into something, ah... more conservative. Not that I don’t appreciate what you have on, but... “ She grinned her understanding and went to her room. She returned in a heavy red wool turtleneck whose loose 237
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fit hid her small waist and reached below her hips. When she heard a loud thump-thump coming from the front yard, she hurried to the window and watched a helicopter circle, then settle to the ground. “Is this big chopper yours? The pilot landed it as lightly as a piece of fluff.” “That’s a Bell 212 Twin. It carries a pilot and up to 14 passengers. We use it to ferry the crew back and forth as well as lifting logs.” Julie clapped her hands in excitement, then sheepishly put them down at her sides. She and Jordan stepped into their boots, pulled on their jackets and rushed down the path. The pilot turned off the engine and scrunched low until he came out from under the slowing blades. Jordan introduced him to Julie. “Pleased to meet you, ma’am.” Pete smiled. “Got to get home now. Wife’s due to have the baby anytime.” Jordan helped Julie into the cockpit, then climbed in the pilot’s seat and passed her a set of headphones so they could talk. The Bell lifted them smoothly off the ground. “Pete’s going home for a month. His wife is expecting their fourth child.” “Do all the women up here have four kids?” “Many do.” Jordan’s eyes lit up. “The nights are long and cold here. It’s plain to see what the favorite pastime is.” He sure liked the way her cheeks flushed so easily. The Bell followed a small, frozen stream that twisted and turned along the base of the mountains. Within the gray light of dawn, the peaks lay hidden by dense clouds. As the aircraft climbed higher, the snow lay deeper below them. In a short time they hovered over an assembly of 238
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snow-covered trailers and white-mounded heavy equipment, then landed in a plowed, flat area beside two other helicopters. “You own a plane and all these helicopters and drive a beat-up truck?” “Doesn’t everybody?” Jordan winked and shut off the engine. “I lease a French Alouette Two that has a retractable landing gear for maneuverability and a Sikorsky Skycrane for lifting the pine and fir to where trucks can load them. The Sikorsky is capable of carrying twenty thousand pounds. I have it lift my truck here. The roads are as tough-going as you’ll find anywhere, but the Ford navigates them well, though she shows the wear and tear.” “I’m really impressed with the layout, Jordan. I thought we’d be going to visit a camp of log cabins.” “This is a mid-sized modular camp with accommodation for about fifty forest workers. All sections have been lifted in by Skycranes. The cookhouse occupies one trailer, the bunkhouse another, and one is for leisure time activities with pool and ping-pong tables, and satellite TV. The office is at the end trailer.” “What about power?” “We’ve got diesel-powered generators, propane heaters, and all the comfort of home.” Jordan mouthed something else but the turbine whine of the Skycrane taking off drowned him out. They stayed where they were and watched. “Come into the cookhouse. There’ll be a crew having breakfast. I’d like you to meet them.” 239
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Crisp, thinner air grabbed Julie’s breath as Jordan quickly ushered her inside the white vinyl-clad trailer to a large dining room. Down one side was a long buffet table laden with a variety of hot and cold breakfast items. The tantalizing smell of toast and bacon made a beeline to her nose. Eight burly men, vigorously shoveling food into their mouths, sat around a long, green Formica table. The kitchen and dining unit looked relatively new, or else its white spotless walls had been well scrubbed. When one lumberjack looked up and saw Julie, he dropped his fork. The others quickly tracked the source of his shocked gaze. The conversation died. The men remained motionless.
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Twenty-one Julie braced herself against the lumberjacks’ ogling eyes and smiled as she waited for Jordan to break the silence. She fell just short of cringing when she sensed invisible hands unzipping her jacket and mauling her breasts. “Okay, guys! You can put your eyes back in their sockets and be respectful to Julie Reagan, here. She didn’t come to be gawked at by a bunch of tree monkeys.” Jordan turned and whispered, “They don’t mean to be impolite, just appreciative.” A relieved sigh escaped Julie’s lips. One man rose from the head of the table and warmly greeted her, extending a calloused, beefy paw. She took it and didn’t flinch when he held it a few seconds longer than necessary. The others were quick to stand and nod. The last man to shake her hand motioned for them to join the group. “We already ate, Rick, but we’ll have some of that black tar you guys call coffee.” The men squeezed together, making two empty spaces across from each other. As Julie and Jordan sipped their hot drinks, both 241
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refrained from reacting to the bitter brew. Julie watched the men eating and noted how considerably quieter and more refined they’d become. She hoped in their attempt to act more civilized, she hadn’t spoiled their camaraderie. Apparently these guys give little credence to the rumors in town. Jordan seems to be held in high esteem. This knowledge brought Julie a sense of comfort on the flight back to the ranch. Jordan’s questions, put to the men about their families, had indicated his personal interest in his crew. He had asked for suggestions on improvements to the camp. The men appeared more than satisfied. His affable way of solving the few logging problems mentioned convinced her that he was exactly as she’d hoped—assertive but thoughtful, determined yet kind. Rumors be hanged. Jordan’s easy friendship today jacked up her desire to have his baby. Eventually, the child would have a grand heritage to lend strength to his life. Already she was thinking in terms of a boy child. She couldn’t imagine Jordan not being happy about a child conceived between them, even if he produced children with someone else. And if she left, he would, she was certain. No man like him could stay alone forever. In the meantime, she would give their child an upbringing that would do Jordan proud. The downside was her dishonesty in not telling him of a pregnancy should it happen and the sacrifice of her child’s relationship with a father he wouldn’t know. A quiver went through her shoulders. Guilt! She didn’t like herself very much right now, but if that was the price, so be it. She didn’t need to figure out how to cover for Jordan’s absence or how she’d reunite them. One step at a 242
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time. First she had to try to get pregnant, if she wasn’t already. She’d heard some women say they’d felt conception the moment it happened. She’d been too wrapped up in the rapture to pay attention. She’d take mental notes when they made love again. “Julie?” “Yes?” “What are you thinking? You’ve been awfully quiet and haven’t answered my last three questions.” “Oh, sorry, Jordan. I was admiring the scenery.” “You were fiddling with your fingers.” “Oh.” Lucky for her, the ranch came in sight. The helicopter landed near the main barn. Jordan helped Julie out and, placing his arm around her waist he pulled her toward the horse barn. Being so close to him was sweet seduction and she melted against his jacket. The quick comfort came to an end when they heard loud voices emanating from the barn. They hurried inside. Cam and Liz, involved in a heated discussion, were visibly rattled to see them. They must have figured Julie and Jordan would go to the cabin straight from the helicopter. Julie caught the words “get rid of” from Liz and a resounding “no” from Cam. Julie wondered what they referred to—her? A sinkhole in her stomach cautioned of the possibility. The hairs on the back of her neck bristled fair warning she was right. She looked up at Jordan and saw his mouth held firm. Did he too suspect they were discussing her? 243
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“Cam and Liz are having one of their little squabbles,” Jordan muttered, not quite under his breath. She judged, by his annoyed tone, it was not an infrequent thing. The volume of their voices hadn’t indicated the quarrel was “little” but now they stepped apart and tried to put a neutral façade on their red-hued faces. “How’s things up at the camp?” Cam asked before Jordan could question them. Julie surmised Jordan was still irked because his voice sounded harsh. “They got a lot more weather than we did. The early snow will slow things down for a few days.” Jordan squeezed Julie’s hand. Liz’s eyes turned stormy, but Julie maintained eye contact. Since she had no desire to bear the brunt of the housekeeper’s displeasure, Julie walked to the stall that held the new foal and watched it nurse. She deliberately didn’t look up when Liz joined her and stood breathing noisily at her side. Jordan and Cam ambled off to another stall. “I hear you think my stew might have caused Jordan to get sick!” The statement was spoken as a scathing declaration of war. Dammit, Cam. Why couldn’t you keep your mouth shut? Julie didn’t feel like defending herself to this pathetic woman who harbored such resentment against her. “I only suggested the stew as a possibility, Liz. Jordan assures me it was the soup from the diner that did the damage.” Julie intended to leave but couldn’t resist a parting jab. “In case you’re interested, I’d lost my appetite looking at it. Jordan ate my serving as well.” If looks could kill, Julie knew she’d be lying flat in a coffin. “Let’s 244
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get one thing straight. Jordan wanted me to come here and as long as I stay, I’ll cook for us from now on. You can draw your own conclusions.” Liz moved one step closer. “How long are you staying?” Julie remained in place. “Until I decide to leave.” Hostility from a housekeeper would not shoo Julie off. She had her own agenda now: to get pregnant. “I suppose you think you have a neat setup here, Miss Reagan?” “Doctor Reagan, to you, Liz.” Julie turned to leave. Liz caught her by the shoulder. Her beady eyes narrowed as she swung Julie around to face her. Liz sneered into Julie’s face with scarcely a hair’s width between them. “If you think you can weasel your way into Jordan’s life, you’re sorely mistaken, Miss Reagan. He’ll see what type you are soon enough. Better you shouldn’t have unpacked your suitcase. You won’t be here long.” Julie started to reply when Jordan and Cam headed in their direction. Cam had an odd expression in his eyes, as if he recognized trouble... and feared it. Liz backed away, turned and stalked out of the barn. Jordan peered closely at Julie. “You’re awfully white. Did Liz say something nasty?” “We clarified our positions,” Julie said flatly, giving no indication of being upset. Julie saw Cam’s fists open and close. Conscious of her scrutiny, he wiped his hands on his thighs. Jordan cuddled her. “You must be cold. Let’s get up to the cabin and get you warmed. You aren’t used to these frigid temperatures. See you later, Cam.” 245
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“Bye, Cam.” Julie didn’t fight Jordan’s protective arm. He didn’t notice she flinched when he accidentally touched the spot the housekeeper had squeezed—the site of her original injury. She withheld a vocal response and let him set a brisk pace across the yard. It wasn’t cold that drove her to match his long strides; it was the nattering pain and worse still, her sense of unease. Her trained observation skills came into play every time she was near Liz. Right now they were screaming a warning, and from past experience, Julie knew they seldom sent her astray. Jordan would be furious if she mentioned Liz in connection with his illness again because she had no proof. The truth was so strong she could taste it. That hateful look in Liz’s eyes spelled trouble with a capital “T.” I wouldn’t be surprised if she put in just enough of something to make us sick. Her plan backfired when Jordan ate my share, too. Once inside the cabin, Jordan pulled off Julie’s boots. When she hung up her jacket, he scooped her into his arms. She giggled with delight as he kept a firm grip until he deposited her on the sofa. Once he lit a fire, he returned to sit beside her and watch the flames. “How’d you like being at the camp today, Julie? The crews sure liked you.” “I loved it. I’m impressed by how much the men respect you. They’re a rugged bunch, but fun.” She nestled close to his chest, encouraging him to put his arm around her. She didn’t need his reassurance that most everyone on the Lazy M, from the cowboys to the loggers, approved of her. She’d felt their warmth. To hell with Liz. ~*~ 246
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Jordan held his breath as Julie popped open three snaps of his denim shirt, slipped her fingers against his chest and laid them over his heart. His already heightened senses exploded. He’d been determined to be a gentleman and maintain a degree of control, but the way she was touching him was not apt to keep him a gentleman for long. Or in control. The lavender fragrance of her shampoo, though faint, complemented her womanly scent. He found it damned near impossible to ignore the fierce cravings raging through him. Completely alone, they were two adults who wanted a child and it would be only natural after the first time’s bliss to accommodate that desire—over and over until they got it right. But there was more at stake for him to consider. Looking into her eyes, he saw her eagerness. Was her willingness because of her need for a child or the want of him? How he yearned to make love. The thought of her unclothed body next to his sent shivers skittering across his back. She stretched up and planted warm, moist kisses on his throat and neck. Her breath caressed his ear, bringing a quick response to his nether parts. His hand reached across her ribcage, set to move higher. With just a little climb, his thumb would feel the swell of her breasts. So tempting. He wanted passion with an urgency hard to control. Every nerve in his body screamed for it, every muscle poised for it, yet a barrier stood in the way. What was holding him back? His inexplicable need to fend her off exasperated him. He looked into the growing flames and saw Marsha’s horrendous visit to the camp where she’d flaunted herself 247
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mercilessly. Get out of my head, Marsha. Julie was a desirable companion. He had the need, the desire, and the capability, but swirling sexual urges didn’t provide the justification for allowing himself to be swept into another quagmire. Julie couldn’t be allowed to think there would be more to this dalliance than he offered. With her sensitive nature, using her could tear her apart. She deserved better. More woman than he had ever expected, she appeared to be seeking out his soul; his vulnerability astounded him. She would take him over like Marsha. ~*~ Julie had been certain they would make love again. Jordan’s tender concern for her welfare, the lure of romance in the air and her loss of inhibition screamed go. The darkening of his gaze as he looked into the fire scorched her skin. She raised her knees, intending to slide her legs over his lap. He suddenly brushed them aside and moved to the fireplace, as if to shift a slow burning log. She couldn’t see his expression, but his clenched jaw and rough poking at the wood allowed her to guess at his thinking. She’d made a fool of herself with her boldness and repulsed him. I’ve acted like Marsha and brought her to his mind. The small flame of passion building deep within faltered and went out. Shame took its place. She stared at his back in dismay. The crackling blaze shot sparks up the chimney like firecrackers heralding a momentous occasion, but there was no celebration in this room. In spite of the heat, her body froze. 248
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Jordan rose and turned around, looking grim. He avoided her eyes as he slumped back beside her, his hands limp at his sides. She heard him sigh. He seemed to be searching for something to say. Better he say nothing. “Julie, we’re moving too fast.” His calm words surprised her. No hint of anger, but then he was good at control. “You mean, I’m moving too fast, don’t you?” “I think we should give ourselves time to approach having a child more rationally. I told you, I don’t want any emotional attachment.” “You want procreation as a calculated sexual act involving short-term passion only.” “No! I mean I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want it at all.”
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Twenty-two Jordan sighed, rose up from the couch and walked to the living room window, his back, straight and unyielding. His change of attitude in fathering a child struck Julie like a thunderbolt speared by some wayward vicious god. Breath squeezed from her lungs, leaving her numb with shock. “Julie... I think you should go back to the city... tomorrow. Emotions aren’t always governed by common sense. The timing isn’t right.” “I see.” Her knuckles turned white as she came to life and fisted her hands at her sides. “So, against the odds, I’ve come too close. Too close to what, Jordan? To a memory? To the heart of a man set for a life bereft of love? I was beginning to care, too. How thoughtless of me. Going to bed with you just lost its pleasure. I agree: I should leave.” Jordan nodded and faced her. “I don’t want more fruitless argument. I’ve had enough. Marsha never stopped ripping into me. It was as if something continually prodded her to break us apart. I’ll take you to town tomorrow. You can catch a bus to Vancouver.” The 250
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glacial hardness in his eyes went well with his icy delivery. It appeared he couldn’t stand to spend time flying her home and that hurt most of all. I guess it’s better to see he has feet of clay before... and I thought he was a tower of strength. How sad! “Since this escapade was a waste of your time,” Jordan added, “I insist on paying you. I can afford the few days you were here.” “How dare you cheapen our lovemaking,” she croaked, trying to speak through the pain of his betrayal. She wished she couldn’t see the determination in his eyes. It would be easier to wrap her wounded pride around her injured soul if he weren’t staring at her with such assurance. Her self-preservation demanded she lash out for the lifetime of grief she would have. She hauled in a gut-wrenching breath. “This was not the Shangri-la I expected. I know now no such place exists for me. Living amidst such small minds is an experience I’ll never repeat. You were right. Someone with my education could never be happy at the Lazy M.” Julie watched Jordan’s eyes widen, then fill with anger. She waited for his denial. When he didn’t comment, she hurried to her bedroom and slammed the door. She knew there would be little sleep this night, but she welcomed the walls between them. She slipped into her nightgown and climbed into bed, then hurried back and locked the door. She tossed and turned for some time and, in exasperation, sent the bedclothes flying with a well-placed kick. Later, when the cold night air chilled her body, she 251
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begrudgingly crawled out and retrieved them. As she slipped back beneath the covers, she realized she’d never see Jordan again once she left. She resolutely tried to hold back the tears, but failing that, covered her head to muffle her sobs. Eventually, she fell into a restless sleep marked by visions of Jordan, but this time featuring a pair of stormy blue eyes glaring into her heart. ~*~ On a trip to the bathroom, Jordan heard Julie crying for a minute or two, then nothing. Her grief added to his own, but he dare not go to her. Why worsen the agony of her departure? Still awake when the red LEDs on his bedside clock blazed five o’clock, he stretched and cupped his hands behind his head. He heard the wind pick up. Overhanging tree branches scraped the roof as if prying away his shelter to expose him as the fool he was. He groaned with disgust, turned on the lamp and watched white flakes sliding down the windowpane. A snowstorm had moved in and by the noise and speed of its progress, it threatened blizzard conditions. In addition to concern over the livestock, he now had worries about Julie’s travel plans. Her continued presence didn’t bode well for his peace of mind. How could he avoid her in such close quarters? The anger and hurt in eyes flashing green fire would smother any hope for peaceful coexistence. Jordan threw back the covers, dressed, and ambled to the kitchen in woolen sock feet. He was sipping freshly brewed coffee and gazing at the weather’s increasing strength when Julie appeared. She paused long enough to 252
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send him a scornful look before filling a mug. She peered out the window, transfixed by the blowing snow. The white swirls all but closed out the shadowy forms of the buildings below. She seemed alien to the environment now. He waited patiently for her to acknowledge him, but as she stood by the counter, her attention fled to the ceiling. High-pitched whistles shrieked through the rafters. He noted a shudder snake across her shoulders. She looked back out the window and gulped her drink. When she drained the dregs, she set the mug down, but remained standing where she was, feverishly rubbing her folded arms. “You don’t need to worry. This cabin has withstood many storms, some a lot worse than this.” Jordan wanted to break the ice between them, but she met his remark with cold silence. She apparently wasn’t going to make it easy on either of them. When she turned, dark circles shadowed eyes that previously had looked upon him with passion. Damn, I’m sorry our relationship has come to this. “Want breakfast?” she asked, avoiding his gaze. “I could do with toast and more coffee.” His appetite hadn’t sparked to life under the current strain, but eating would give him something to do with his hands. Hands that longed to caress her body. She busied herself with the preparation; was it his imagination or did the cutlery and dishes she handled hit the counter more forcefully than necessary? Julie and he had become strangers, and it tore at his insides because it was his fault. She showed none of the light that had 253
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brought new enthusiasm into his life. She had no reason to do so. “Looks like we’re marooned here, Julie. Guess you won’t be leaving for a while.” He stretched and rotated his neck. The tension sapping his energy pleaded for release. His depressed body refused to comply. ~*~ Julie shuddered again when something banged on the roof. A branch? Or the devil coming to call. As she watched Jordan’s distracting moves out of the corner of her eye, her nerves took on a life of their own. She wondered how she could possibly stay cooped even one more hour with him. She would never look at life in the same way. She’d had a shot at happiness and it had slipped through her fingers without her even realizing why. Well, it’s his loss, too, and I’ll not beg for an explanation. She devoted her energy to the task at hand; they ate in silence. Jordan poured her a refill along with another half mug of his own. They lingered in an atmosphere of feigned detachment. Julie glanced at his profile when she finished her drink and was not buoyed by the stubborn jut of his chin. His darkened jaw displayed such masculinity that her hormones jumped as if he had touched a private place. His presence inflamed her with discontent. She wanted to push the angst out of her heart and feel his arms around her. She craved to have his lips press against her own and know the beauty of lovemaking by a man with more confidence in his fingers than she had in her whole body. But she couldn’t compete with a dead woman’s mystique. 254
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Marsha’s unfaithfulness clung to Jordan with frigid tentacles that froze his heart. Perhaps he was right. In her own way, she was cruel like Marsha, intending to leave and bear his child without him knowing. Her guilt mounted. She couldn’t stay near him a moment longer. But there was no escape, unless... Julie waited until Jordan went to shave, then picked up the phone and dialed Maggie’s house. Cam answered. “Hello?” “Cam, I’d like to speak with Maggie.” “Anything wrong over there?” “Can Maggie come to the phone, please?” She heard muffled sounds; he had his hand over the mouthpiece. “Hello?” Julie’s tension abated slightly with Maggie’s soft voice. “Maggie, do you need help today? The kids will be a handful if they have to stay indoors. I’d like to come over. Please?” “Liz is here.” A pregnant pause later, Maggie added, “We can use another hand. Sure, come on over.” ~*~ “Hurry in, Julie, you look like an embarrassed snow ghost. I’m surprised Jordan let you leave the house.” “He didn’t want me to come, but he’s not my keeper. He followed close behind, then veered off into the barn once he saw the wind didn’t hammer me to death. I am out of breath, though.” Maggie’s welcoming smile cheered her immediately. Until she saw Liz holding Adam. 255
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“It’s not fit for anyone to be out and Jordan knows that,” Liz grumbled. “He doesn’t need the worry of a lost guest.” Julie struggled with her boots, fighting the urge to bite back. Three happy faces appeared, beaming their welcome. Julie laughed as the children vied for her attention. After hugging each separately, she turned to Maggie and hugged her, too. Gone was the headache caused by Jordan’s change of heart. Gone was her agitation, and gone was the dread of companionship with a man who wanted her out of his life. Maggie probed Julie’s eyes but said nothing. An arm around her shoulder showed Maggie recognized Julie’s pain. Cam appeared in the doorway, nodded a somber greeting but refrained from asking questions. The family lingered at the table long after Liz served breakfast. The excited chatter from the children renewed Julie’s family participation and put back the glow in her heart. Cam seemed reluctant to leave. Finally, he put on his heavy winter outerwear. “Storm’s let up a bit. I’m gonna help the fellas plow us out.” He tickled and kissed each child, nodded to Julie and Liz, then quickly pecked Maggie’s cheek. Maggie’s gaze followed him as he made his way across the yard, bracing his body against blasts of wind. Noting moisture in Maggie’s eyes, Julie rushed to give her friend comfort with a hand on Maggie’s arm. “What’s wrong, Maggie?” Maggie glanced at Liz, busily tidying the counter. “Liz, perhaps you’d like to get started on the bedrooms. Julie 256
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and I will finish up here. The kids can play in the living room.” Liz scowled and left. When the last child disappeared, Maggie faced Julie with a sorrowful expression that made Julie sad. “Things aren’t going well with Cam and me. I’m at my wit’s end. All week I’ve felt great, and I still do today, yet Cam is hardly interested. He avoids close contact as if I’ve got a contagious disease.” The homey kitchen atmosphere filled with the anguish of a heart that was disintegrating piece by piece. Julie reached over and touched Maggie’s hand. “Tell me about it, Maggie. Don’t keep it bottled up; it doesn’t help.” “Okay. I’m suspicious of Liz and have been since you mentioned something being wrong with the stew. Cam was furious when I told him what I thought. I suspect Cam and Liz are having an affair. I think she’s been making me sick so she can get her hands on him.” “Oh, Maggie, surely not. You’ve been better lately; what would explain that?” “I don’t know. Maybe they had a falling out.” Julie folded her hands against her chest. “I’m positive Jordan is the one she’s after, not Cam.” “I’m not so sure. The way Jordan and Cam defend her, the more suspicious I become. Men can be such dunces, Julie.” “Does she prepare all of the food you eat?” “Not now, but she did. No one else ever got sick so it can’t be the food causing my illness. We all eat from the same pots.” 257
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“What about beverages? Does she make your tea and coffee?” “Yes, but Cam usually has some.” “Well, it has me stumped. Have you always been in the kitchen when she’s cooking?” “No. Sometimes I was too weak to leave my room and she brought my meals on a tray. Leaves her opportunity, doesn’t it?” “’Fraid so.” Julie looked around her, wishing the home could be a happier place for Maggie. She was a born wife and mother. Her face blossomed with pride every time a child sought her out for a big hug. And there was no doubt of her strong feelings for Cam. It was in her eyes, and in the way she patted his coat when she passed it hanging near the back door. Maggie’s love for her husband was tearing her apart. “You’ve made this a real cozy home, Maggie. It’s close to the barns, though. Don’t the rats scare you?” “What rats?” “The rats that Liz ordered poison for from the hardware store. The owner gave me the package. It was in the truck. Jordan probably forgot to give it to her.” “We don’t have rats here.” “You don’t?” “The men take care of them. Maybe it was for her house.” “The man said it was for the big house. Am I slow on the draw or what?” Both women’s eyes narrowed on each other as if of one mind. A creak on the back stairs warned someone was coming. As if by unspoken agreement, both women 258
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remained silent. Liz entered the room with an armload of clean towels. She smiled sweetly. “Would you ladies like me to serve tea?” ~*~ Exasperated, Jordan rushed into the horse barn and rammed his fist against a stall door. When Julie had left the cabin in such haste, she’d slammed the door so hard he thought it would fall off its hinges. He was determined she wouldn’t brave the elements alone. She was just as determined to go running to Maggie. Short of hog-tying her, there was nothing he could do but follow her like some mindless puppy. He had thought her to be gentle and submissive. Who had he been trying to kid? She was stubborn as a mule and not the least bit intimidated by him since she’d come here. Has to be something in the damn mountain air that produces contrariness. Before she left the cabin, she’d raked him over the coals but good, accusing him of being grossly unfair by depriving any child he might produce of a loving, complete family. That wasn’t all she said, either. “You’ve been selfish, Jordan, and I can say that in all honesty because I’ve been selfish, too.” “How?” he’d asked. “We’re discussing you and your lack of consideration for how the mother of your child would feel as a slave here. If you’d hoped she would leave, let me clue you in: no mother in her right mind would leave her child. Your naïveté amazes me.” I’m naïve? She was confusing the issue. Her parting accusation that I’m “seeking cheap thrills by having sex at hand,” was a sick, low blow. 259
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Jordan paced the barn floor, scuffing bits of straw from his path. He’d made his offer clear in the beginning. Now, in the silence, he recognized that she blamed him for the very things he had objected to when Cam first came up with the ill-thought-out plan. She was right. Guilty as charged of everything she’d said in frustration. As soon as this storm blew over, he would get them both out of the situation, take her to town and be rid of her. He didn’t need this turbulence in his life again. He shook his head muttering to himself about the old expression: what goes around, comes around and bites your ass. What was wrong with him that he couldn’t think straight anymore? Why did it matter so much what Julie thought of him? The answer was obvious and brutal. She wasn’t like Marsha. Julie demanded more of him than material things. She wanted his soul. He struggled with his thoughts, running his fingers through his hair before he pulled his Stetson low. If he just weren’t so afraid of another mistake, he’d surrender, beg her forgiveness and take her for his own for always. His life would be richer. Disgusted, he threw his hands in the air. He brushed the cobwebs aside and peered outside, trying to see clearly to Cam’s house. He couldn’t see past the wind-driven clusters of snow pestering the glass. Already he could hear plow engines starting up in the other barn. If they plowed through the day, it would be easier to keep the drifting at bay. He decided he might as well brave the storm and work off his frustration. He reached for the barn’s phone to call Cam and let him know he was available. It was also a good chance to 260
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learn what state Julie had been in when she arrived. Perhaps Maggie could intercede in his favor and smooth Julie’s ruffled disposition. The phone rang just as he placed his hand on it. He grabbed the receiver as if it were his salvation. Maybe Julie was calling to tell him she was coming back. “I thought I’d better let you know Julie has arrived safely,” Liz said, purring sweetness. “She doesn’t have sense enough to realize how dangerous it is to be out in this weather. We must take care of her if she insists on being reckless.” “I’m sure she’ll adjust quickly. Thanks for calling, Liz. I have to go now, bye.” Jordan clenched his teeth. Even though Liz had stood by him, paying little heed to the rumors about Marsha’s death, her condescending tone wore his nerves thin. He’d watched Liz manipulate Cam for some time, seeking services from the foreman that went beyond the call of friendship. If Liz wanted to go somewhere, Cam was readily available even though it took precious time away from his family. For the sake of their friendship, Jordan had said nothing, but he’d wondered why Maggie didn’t make a big issue of it. Did Liz have some hold over Cam? He let out a long slow breath. Julie had aroused his suspicions about Liz, too. Damn! Once Jordan checked and discovered all plows were in operation, he returned to the cabin and sat staring into space. What a switch! Who’s the indecisive one now? ~*~ “Thank you for making tea, Liz.” Maggie glanced at Julie, barely able to keep from saying something rude as 261
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the housekeeper set a tray on the kitchen table. Liz served Julie and Maggie the hot drink along with warmed cinnamon rolls, milk and sugar. Smiling pleasantly at Maggie, Liz put the empty tray on the counter and left the room. Maggie winked at Julie as soon as the housekeeper went out the door. They both stared at the china cups and saucers without making a move toward handling them. “What if we’re right, Maggie?” Julie asked, one eyebrow raised cynically as she scanned her teacup. “Are you willing to take the risk, now?” Maggie sighed. “Definitely not. I’m not going to eat or drink anything she prepares even if I am better. I can’t believe she’d dare poison me.” Julie laid her hand on Maggie’s arm. “I’m leaving the ranch when the roads are clear. I’ll take samples of this tea back to the university for testing. If she’s added something we’ll find out what. Do you have a couple of small bottles?” Maggie nodded. After rummaging through the pantry she came back with the containers. Julie poured a small amount from each cup into each jar, closed and labeled them with sticky notes. She quickly deposited them in her jacket pocket. Maggie poured the remaining tea down the sink. They both sat back at the table. When Liz returned, she found them in animated conversation. The atmosphere chilled with Liz’s presence. They watched her toss dirty clothes into the washer. Her stiff posture indicated she was conscious of their slight. And irritated by it.
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To avoid another round of sparring, Julie gathered the dishes and stacked them in the dishwasher. The bitter taste of bile stung the back of her throat. For a while Julie had forgotten the tension that simmered between her and Jordan. With no desire to face him, she visited with Maggie the rest of the day, helping where needed, ever mindful of Jordan alone at the cabin. When Liz offered to take supper over to him, Julie didn’t protest. She didn’t want to go there and Liz’s absence was no loss. But what about tonight? Julie stood at the kitchen window watching isolated snowflakes fall gently to the ground. Liz hadn’t returned to serve dinner. Julie could imagine what was taking place at the cabin as she helped Maggie place the food on the table. The telephone rang as Julie put the hot rolls into a basket. “Will you take that call?” Maggie asked. “Sure... Hello?” Silence. Julie’s ears strained to hear a voice. “Can I help you?” she offered. The sound of breathing interlaced with a low sigh was ample proof of life at the other end. Jordan! “Ah... Liz is staying here for dinner, Julie. Things are going well at the house?” His bland tone sounded forced, yet distant, as if he were a million miles away. “Everyone is fine... Seems the storm is over.” She waited for a comment that he’d heard her. Nothing for a few seconds, but she couldn’t hang up. 263
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“There’s no rush for you to hurry back.” Her heart dropped like a dead weight. “I wasn’t planning to.” She hung up the phone without giving or receiving a goodbye. “Seems Jordan wants to occupy himself with Liz.” “Oh, Julie! I’m so sorry.” “Don’t be. No arrangement would ever have worked out; I see that. I was naïve to think Jordan was the answer to my prayers. In some ways I feel like I’ve grown up the short time I’ve been here. Yeesh! I think I’ve aged, but I’ll be okay.” Julie ate little, then quickly helped tidy up while Maggie ran the children’s baths. “I’m going out for a walk, Maggie. I need to work out some things in my mind.” She needed a breather from the family atmosphere that would never be hers. “Okay, I’ll have the kids ready for bed by the time you get back. Let Cam know you’re loose on the grounds, okay? And stay close to the lights so the plow drivers can see you.” “I won’t be long.”
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Twenty-three Julie sauntered into the yard with no particular destination in mind. The crunchy snow beneath her feet was easy to walk through with plow tracks for traction. Beneath the floodlights the carpeting sparkled white and pure, but against the shadowed walls of the barns, the drifts displayed a cool blue depth. Her mind wandered free. She knew Maggie understood heartbreak when she saw it, but Julie didn’t want pity right now. She needed to soak in the pristine mountain air. She needed to bask in the rugged grandeur hidden in the dark. So much had happened within herself lately that it boggled her mind. Liz had become the focal point of her angst, but Jordan’s change of attitude played the greater part in her unhappiness. There was nothing she could do to change the direction of their relationship now. It was downhill all the way. Liz would win Jordan and they would live happily ever after. At least Maggie is on to Liz, and that should keep Maggie safe. But why would Liz go after the only woman left she could develop a rapport with? Maggie and I are missing something. 265
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Julie stopped in her tracks and looked up at the cabin. Silhouetted against the kitchen light someone stood at the window watching her. She couldn’t make out who from this distance. She bent down and scooped up a handful of snow, rolled it into a ball and threw it at the barn door. “Bulls eye!” She took one more glance at the cabin window and moved on. Whoever had been there had disappeared. A couple of bright stars shone against the backdrop of the dark velvety night. Julie walked past the empty corrals and the horse barns, circled around and headed back toward the sheep pens. Not a sound anywhere. She wondered where Cam was. The men who had plowed probably had gone to the bunkhouse for a hot meal and well deserved rest. Jordan had never shown her where the men lived and she’d not had time to explore. Julie picked up another snowball and threw it as hard as she could against the shed door. It was then the sheep started bleating fierce, sharp cries. Oh, oh! I’ve driven them into a frenzy with my carelessness. She rushed inside the sheep barn. Cam roared, “Git to the house, Julie!” “Why? I just came to—” A hair-raising snarl cut her off. In one of the pens, Cam stood protectively in front of huddling, terrified sheep. His face blanched; his eyes darted between her and a tawny cougar pacing back and forth in the enclosure. The animal raised its fiery eyes to her... and hissed. Its long tail whipped the air. Julie’s limbs paralyzed. She spoke barely above a whisper. “Where’s the nearest gun?” 266
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As if he understood, the cougar half-turned toward her, its mouth open, saliva dripping from big fangs. He stopped moving and glared. “There isn’t a rifle close enough. There’s a pitchfork on the wall behind you. See if you can move to it, but go slow, and don’t turn your back on him. Stand as tall as you can, this sucker’s a hell of a big male. And Julie... don’t fall, or he’ll be on you in seconds.” The seconds, ticked off by her pounding heartbeat, seemed endless. When she reached an arm’s length away, Julie grasped the fork’s handle with an iron grip and pulled. It snapped from its holder. The cougar growled low. She waited until he quieted, then inched back toward the pen. “What now? He’s focused on me more than you and the sheep.” “Shit! I was going to have you pass it to me slowly, but any movement on your part, and he’ll be all over you.” Julie trembled until her fear brought focus. “Then, I have to make a stand.”
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Twenty-four Julie’s heart drummed against her ribcage as she stood about two feet from the sheep pen. Just beyond, the cougar’s growl rumbled again. Julie had never seen such ferocity as that in the big cat’s crazed yellow eyes. Cam, the sound of the bleating sheep, and the acrid smell of trampled, urine-soaked straw faded from her consciousness. Only the glare fastened on her mattered. She cautiously shifted the pitchfork to her right hand, raised it above the three-foot pen and poised it in defense. The animal’s muscles rippled under its slick hide as it paced in front of her. She wanted to run like hell, but step by step she moved closer. Both hands now gripped the fork so tightly her muscles burned with the strain. “Julie, I’m going over the railing. I’ll work my way around to you. Stay put.” “Why hasn’t he attacked me before now, Cam?” “Cougars prefer smaller prey, although they seem to be getting bolder, judging by the recent attacks south of here. This one appears confused with us both here.” “I’m getting tired holding onto this fork.” 268
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The cougar’s tail lashed back and forth, then stilled. His ears flattened as he turned his head and saw Cam vault over the pen’s wall. The cat’s growl, made louder by a momentary lull in noise from the petrified sheep, rattled Julie’s boldness. Cam stopped. The cat crouched. Keeping her voice steady, Julie said, “He’s thinking about attacking you now.” Cam’s ashen face was the only reply she needed. Julie geared for action. Without thinking, she aimed the pitchfork and with all her strength speared the cougar’s closest point—his shoulder. She felt the fork strike bone and, holding her breath, watched trickles of blood ooze from four puncture wounds. The cougar’s head reared back, snarling at her in pain and anger. One large paw batted a powerful swipe at the prongs. Julie’s sweat-lined palms lost their grip as she reeled backward with the force. The pitchfork fell to the ground inside the pen. “Julie! I’ll try and push one of the sheep his way to distract him!” Cam slid back into the pen and pushed at the flock with all his might. None could be forced toward the center. The animals scattered, then herded tightly against the side. The cougar glanced at the animals then back to Julie. His eyes glistened insanely. Julie knew in that instant, she was his prey. He stalked toward her. “I can reach the gate, Cam. I’ll open it and give him a chance to run away.” “That’s risky! Cougars are unpredictable and right now he appears more interested in you!” “It’ll distract him long enough for you to run for a gun. If I stand behind here, I’ll have protection from the gate.” 269
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She slipped the catch just as Cam shouted, “No! I can’t make it in time. The rifle is in Jordan’s office.” “Try.” Her eyes on the animal’s advance, Julie swung the gate toward herself. Her peripheral vision saw Cam bolt over the wall. Too late she discovered how flimsy the gate was. She looked up and saw Cam riveted to the spot where he landed, a look of utter helplessness on his face. The cougar didn’t wait; he took the advantage and crept through the opening. Just when Julie thought he would leave he circled, crouched and sprang. A shot ripped through the air. The cat fell sideways, its head banging against the gate rail before it struck the ground. Julie twisted left, toward the source of the blast. Cam ran up to Jordan and whacked him across the shoulder. “Goddammit, Jordan, what took you so long?” “I took the first clear shot I could get. What do you expect? You okay, Julie?” “Peachy.” “Do I detect a touch of peevishness?” Jordan asked, a half smile on his mouth. “Read: scared spitless, Jordan. How’d you know we were in trouble?” “You ought to know I go by my instincts. I looked down from the cabin and didn’t like how deserted the yard was. I had a hunch something was wrong. I saw the cougar tracks outside the first barn and grabbed a rifle from the chopper.” “Thanks for checking it out,” Cam broke in. “What did you bring him down with?” 270
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“The new Remington seven-millimeter Magnum. Bullet went clean through his chest.” “He’s a fine specimen; his personality was a little on the mean side, though,” Cam joked. “Looks like our target practice paid off.” Cam suddenly quieted a few seconds before he spoke again. “Tickling a cougar was risky, but I think I owe Julie my life.” He gave Julie a big hug. “I thought I could at least incapacitate him, if not kill him, but he wasn’t flabby like a sea lion and he moved at the last minute.” When she shyly backed off, Cam said, “Let’s get rid of this carcass, then I think I’m gonna go up to the house. I feel a need to be with Maggie and the kids.” Jordan rubbed the back of his neck. “We’ll bury him under the snow until tomorrow.” The task didn’t take long and Jordan soon reappeared in the doorway. “You coming up to the cabin, Julie?” “I want to talk with Cam a minute while I’m on his good side.” “I think you’ll be on that side from now on. Okay, see you later. I’m going to put on a pot of strong coffee if you’re interested.” “Is Liz still there?” He looked at her quizzically. “She was tidying up the kitchen, then going home.” “I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Julie turned and hurried out of the barn door. “Cam, wait up!” Cam stopped and waited. Julie was out of breath when she reached him. She took a minute before speaking. “I’m leaving tomorrow, one way or another. You were right, you know. I’m not the 271
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one for Jordan. I should never have come. Do you mind if I make an observation about marriage? Especially yours.” She held her breath. Cam’s eyes turned to slits bearing down on her. His breathing sounded raspy. What was wrong with men that they couldn’t recognize love and treasure it? Maggie’s relationship with her husband was none of Julie’s business, but perhaps she could draw Cam to bettering it. Cam loomed over her. “What do you mean?” There was no turning back. “A marriage is only as good as the participating partners make it. There has to be commitment through thick and thin and a willingness to share not only the good things, but also the bad.” “You’re the one to talk. What could you possibly know about marriage?” “Don’t sidetrack the issue. I’ve decided to say my piece and be done with it. You’ve shut Maggie out and she doesn’t know why. If there’s something between you and Liz, then tell her. Don’t keep her dangling.” Cam grimaced. “Maggie thinks something is going on between me and Liz?” His shoulders drooped as he put his hands in his pocket and groped for something more to say. Julie placed her hand on his arm. “Maggie loves you, Cam.” “I know.” He took a deep breath. Under the light of the lamppost, Julie could see pain in his eyes. “Liz is blackmailing me. Oh, not for money, but for services and information. She tracks Jordan’s every move.” Julie’s throat tightened. “How can you let her do that? Jordan is your friend!” For Liz to go to this extent, Julie felt only disgust. 272
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“I don’t tell her everything. Liz wasn’t too happy that I didn’t tell her about you coming. The truth is: Liz knows Marsha and I had a one-night-stand when Jordan was away.” So Jordan was right in his suspicions. “Maggie had been sick for a while. I’m not making excuses; what I did was wrong. I missed feminine company, if you get my drift. I’d had too much to drink before I went down to the barn. Marsha was there, flirting with the men. I sent the hands to do their chores and that left me wide open, alone with her and hurting. One thing led to another. When she left, I justified what I had done by blaming Maggie. “Liz told me she’d seen what we did and she’d tell both Maggie and Jordan if I didn’t find a way for her to be on the ranch more often. Maggie needed help with the kids so that was the easy part, but I never set her up with Jordan. “Then I worried that Marsha might blab we had sex. It would be just like her. The accident took care of that problem a few days later, and no, I didn’t cause it. I’ve tried to help Jordan find out what happened that night. I wish I knew why Marsha took the gorge road.” Beneath the glowing light pole, Cam’s face showed revulsion as he relived that night in his mind. “Making out with her was a stupid, senseless act. Marsha driving away on a slippery night was just plain reckless.” “Tell me about the accident.” Julie turned up her jacket’s collar to ward the cold off her neck, then blew on her hands and put them in her pockets. Her breath drifted upward in a puff of white as she stamped her feet to warm them. 273
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“I was on my way home when Marsha stormed out of the big house. Jordan jumped in his truck and motioned me to go with him. His idea was to get ahead of her car to stop her, but she veered onto the gorge road. From the bridge on, she had little control. Why would she go that way?” “Blinded by temper?” “Maybe. Jordan had more weight in his truck and more traction, but barely caught up to her when her car slid over the bank, smashing through trees that would have broken her fall had she not been going so fast.” “What a terrible way to end her life.” “The accident and the reason for it haunts Jordan.” “Oh, Cam. It’s over and done. You have to take care of your own problems. Tell Maggie everything. If you care about her at all, clear your conscience and take the consequences. Then Liz can’t hurt you.” “Liz can tell Jordan.” “Jordan is already suspicious that you and Marsha were having an affair.” Cam stared at her. “An affair? It was only once!” His eyes darkened. “Jordan never said a word. I guess it is time I put things right.” “For everyone’s sake, then Liz won’t be able to cause so much pain.” Julie watched as Cam turned and lumbered to the house, hands in his pockets, head hung low. She went into the barn in hope the animals would cheer her up. The horses seemed jumpy, stamping around the stalls and whinnying; no doubt they could still smell the cougar’s presence. As a couple of ranch hands entered to tend them, she decided this was not the place for her since she 274
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was still unnerved herself. She gathered her courage and trudged resolutely to Jordan’s cabin. She was ill prepared for the sight that greeted her when she glanced in the living room window on her way up the front steps. Liz in Jordan’s arms on the sofa was the last thing she expected to see. Shocked, Julie ran back down the stairs. Where could she go? Cam had gone home to have a heart-to-heart with Maggie. Julie couldn’t disturb them. She couldn’t stay outside; the frost was already biting her toes and ears. The only vehicles available were plows, the helicopter, and Jordan’s truck. The driveway had been cleared, but she didn’t know about the main road. Most of the snow had been pushed from around his Ford, though. She could drive through the small mounds left behind his truck. She had never driven a truck, but with an automatic transmission the vehicle should operate the same as a car. If only the keys were still where she’d notice Jordan stashed them. She opened the door, jumped inside and groping over the visor snatched the cold metalkey chain marked with the Lazy M logo. She stealthily scanned the vicinity. Seeing nobody around, she eased the door closed. The engine turned over on the first click, surprising her since a truck as battered as this one was bound to have eccentricities—just like Jordan himself for not driving something newer when he could afford it. She revved the motor, shifted into reverse and stepped on the gas. The vehicle lurched backward, then stalled. Julie shoved the gearshift into park and restarted the engine. This time she pressed her foot on the accelerator with greater care. The truck moved smoothly forward. 275
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Glancing over her shoulder for one final look at the cabin, she saw Jordan outside in the snow waving his arms. She turned on the headlights and floored the gas pedal, sending the truck fishtailing along the road. She realized she ran the risk of going into the ditch if she didn’t slow down. Her hold on the wheel tightened as she eased off the pressure. The 4x4’s tires gripped into the plow-packed surface. Soon the fork in the road appeared in the beam of her headlights. The road along the gorge was quicker, but she knew better than to make that mistake. The question was: which was the safe road? She combed her memory, but she’d been distracted when they’d gone to town. On their return trip, caught up in the thrill of Jordan’s romantic advances, she’d forgotten to notice. Julie ground the truck to a stop, engine still running, gas gauge reading full. Which way? Both roads were plowed in the same narrow vein. Obviously the plow had only gone through once then circled to plow the second road back. If she pictured the flight pattern Jordan chose when he flew her in, left made sense for the safer route, but he had crossed the ravine several times and circled. Damn! I’m not sure. The rear-view mirror reflected a pinpoint shaft of light following a good distance back. Her mind screamed, Make a decision, Julie! She swung left. Is my desperation to leave how Marsha felt that night? Julie turned on the wipers as snow from overhanging trees splashed the windshield. Once cleared, she turned them off, wishing she could turn off her mind’s image of the gorge and a red Porsche’s flight. 276
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The truck’s bright headlights spilled across the snowy road. So far so good. She continued on, noticing that the two ridges of snow pushed back by the plow weren’t nearly as high in this more sheltered area. She’d chosen well, she thought... until she rounded a bend. A low-sided wooden bridge loomed ahead. She automatically slammed on the brakes. The tire treads clawed the road’s surface in a chaotic scramble for traction. Just as Julie thought there was no hope of stopping, the tires took hold and skidded to a stop. The truck shuddered. Jordan had not driven over such a structure on the drive to town, but Cam had mentioned one on the gorge road. It was too dark to see what lay beneath it... water or road? But did it matter? To back to where she could turn would be difficult. Suddenly the light appeared in the rear-view mirror again and was considerably larger. She switched the mirror to night vision and stepped on the gas, wondering how come there was only one beam behind her. She drew a conclusion quickly as she crossed the bridge: Jordan, chasing me in his fool helicopter! She swerved to avoid a branch in her path. With another quick flick of her wrists, she got the pickup back on track. The trail twisted and writhed like a snake slithering through the forest. So far there had been only a gradual descent to the road, which meant the worst lay ahead. A sharp turn in her path reminded her of her rusty driving skills. She slowed. Common sense demanded she stop and face Jordan; yet the snow ridges defined her direction like buoys on a river estuary. Driving with care she could follow through and face him where there would 277
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be comfort in the presence of others. Her objective was simply to get away from the ranch. She had no fear of him, just strong hurt from his rejection. She’d remain cool. And calm. And arrive in town safely with a fake smile on her lips. The helicopter’s pronounced rumble faded. Good. Jordan’s given up. She’d see him in town. A lump formed in her throat; her eyes burned. Bile rose from her stomach—again. I’ve got to stay in control. A tear blurred her vision. She blinked it away and checked the mirror again. Nothing but darkness. Reaching in her pocket for a tissue, she was relieved to know her wallet was still where she’d shoved it after Jordan had dumped her purse. No tissue. She wiped her cheek with her jacket sleeve, then turned on the wipers. Back and forth they passed before her eyes—a hypnotizing focus on the lack of a direct path in her life. She had no time for melancholia. Her shoulders already ached from tension, yet convinced she’d soon have the knack for driving on a snow-packed road she forced the vehicle on. The snow on the branches glistened in her headlights. White ghostly fingers reached out to snatch the truck as it moved at a cautious pace. On the right-hand side of the vehicle was an ocean of black with only an occasional treetop showing above the constant rim of snow. The gorge! She had to forget it was there: a giant beast waiting to devour her. This road might not be the problem she’d been led to believe if she drove sensibly and forgot about the ravine 278
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and the smashed wreck in Jordan’s shed. A piece of cake. Until she rounded the next curve. The road’s descent increased sharply. Her breath caught in her chest making it difficult to breathe. Gasping, she slowed to little more than a crawl. She felt the vibration before she heard it. “Not again! Shit!” Glancing out the side window she raised her eyes skyward and almost blinded herself as a spotlight zoomed down on her. Squinting at the road ahead, she saw she was approaching a straight section of road that appeared to widen near the end of her headlights’ illumination. The light following her vanished. All right. Where did you go, Jordan? The light reappeared—in front of her. He’d flown to the clearing and turned to face her, hovering just above the truck’s height. She ground her palms hard against the steering wheel. “Damn you, Jordan, back off!” Julie felt the vehicle’s brakes grab, felt the slow slide as the truck maintained its steady motion, sending the right front wheel against the snowy ridge. She wrenched the wheel and in her haste overcompensated. The truck slued, striking the left side ridge only to veer right once more. For just a fraction of a moment Julie’s world stilled as the Ford tipped precariously over the snow’s low right bank. She’d never seen Marsha’s picture, but the image of a dark-haired beauty flashed before her eyes just as the truck slid into black nothingness. In some distant part of her mind, she had the sensation of soaring. She heard a terrifying scream she didn’t recognize, followed by a white glow and a turbine whine from hell. 279
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Twenty-five Jordan watched in horror as events he was powerless to control played out in slow motion. It should never have come to this. His mind raced back to a few minutes ago. Asleep on the couch, he’d awakened when he heard her tender voice and caught the whiff of familiar perfume. Julie had returned. He pretended to be asleep. Let her come to me, he’d thought. He listened with his eyelids closed and heard her tiptoe over to him. He grasped her hand to pull her down but opening his eyes he saw Liz, not Julie, bending over him. He let go. Liz lost her balance and tumbled into his arms. Liz took immediate advantage and wrapped her arms around his neck. Jordan pushed her away, then stormed to the window just in time to see Julie flee down the front steps. He watched as she ran to his truck and put it in motion. Out the door in a flash, waving her to stop, the cold snow on his bare feet brought him to his senses. He ran back for his jacket and boots. By the time he rushed outside again, she had pulled away. “W-What’s going on?” Liz asked as she sidled up, ready to cloak him in her arms. 280
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Jordan pushed her aside. “Julie must have seen us just now.” “Well, you did invite me for dinner. I thought it was time you had dessert.” “I made a mistake.” “I can give you more than she ever can.” “No! Dammit! Where’s Cam’s pickup?” He glanced at Cam’s yard. No truck. There was only the Bell parked near the barn. He needed to stop Julie from leaving, had to explain Liz in his arms. “Let her go,” Liz screeched. “No! I don’t want you on the property when we come back!” He ran to the chopper. His eyes smarted as he peered into the night where he had last seen the flash of red taillights. He hoped Julie had sense enough to take the long way to town. In his favor was the fact there wouldn’t be much traffic on the road. He would have plenty of room to maneuver around and stop her. The fork in the road came up quickly. Her tracks stunned him. They led left. Surely she would turn around when she realized it was not the safe way to go. He silently cursed the ranch hands for efficiently clearing her escape route. It was a gentle, but misleading downhill run until it passed the bridge. From there it took a skilled driver to navigate the twists and turns. He suddenly came up on her, saw her negotiating curves at a high speed, sluing close to the edge of the road. He held his breath. She slowed. Good girl! What’s going through your mind? You’re angry, probably not thinking straight. It would take an experienced driver with 281
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an angel sitting on her shoulders to get down that road under the present conditions. Jordan knew if she was overcome with fright, she’d be paralyzed and her reaction time slowed. One wrong move could send her over the brink. A short distance ahead, a wide gap of felled trees left room to maneuver the chopper. Like an owl on its nightly flight for prey, he swooped over the trees and hovered slightly above tree height so as not to blind her. Here she comes. “Come on, sweetheart. Keep slowing!” “Christ!” Jordan’s eyes widened. The truck became entrapped on a slide of frozen runoff and went into a skid. The skid marks spun wide and foretold disaster. Jordan ignored the foul taste at the back of his throat, ignored the string of oaths pouring from his mouth, but he couldn’t ignore a last ditch attempt to help. “Julie, JUMP!” With no sign of her doing so, he landed the chopper— too late. The truck disappeared. The powerful downdraft from the rotor blades sent snow crystals blasting from nearby trees, creating an impenetrable curtain. When he turned off the engine, the air slowly cleared. Jordan grabbed a flashlight from under the seat and raced to the edge, fearful that history might have repeated itself. Snagged on a clump of trees, jutting out from the bank some twenty feet below, his truck hung precariously, the driver’s door swinging wide, engine off, headlights smashed out. He drew his cell phone from his jacket pocket and called the big house. On Cam’s answer, he blurted out orders. “Cam, round up some men and get the hell down the gorge road. Julie 282
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was driving my truck and has gone over the side. It’s sitting on a wing and a prayer halfway down. I can’t see if she’s still inside. I’ve got the Bell. Hurry!” “Will the trees hold?” “Not sure.” “Jesus, Jordan.” “Get Maggie to call 911 for an ambulance. “ “Okay. Tony’s in the barn and Pete just came to the house to borrow a bassinet. No one else is around.” “Pete? Good! I’ll need another pilot. Ok, let’s cut the chatter and haul ass.” Jordan closed off his cell phone and on bent knees focused his flashlight on the driver’s seat through the Ford’s rear window. A motionless crest of reddish hair shone above the headrest. Her seat belt is holding her. Jordan shuddered as he squinted, wondering about her level of consciousness. The only way to reach her, by rappelling down, presented difficulties. He hadn’t rappelled in years. Thankfully, he couldn’t see to the bottom. But he remembered it so well that he could describe each jagged rock. “Julie, don’t move. Can you hear me?” No response. His worry heightened until he realized her stillness might be for the best. The creak of the loose door hinges tortured him in the silence of the night. As he shifted his position, hoping for a better look, his breathing turned more forceful. Each puff of breath released a plume of white vapor as he guided the light over the 4x4’s perch. It seemed forever before he heard the distant thrum of 283
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another vehicle. By the time Cam and the other men dashed over, Jordan had a plan. “Has Julie said anything?” Cam asked, clearly worried. “No. She must be unconscious.” Jordan coughed to clear the fear from his throat. “I’m going down. I want you to winch me from your truck, Cam. Then we’ll know what we’re up against.” “Okay. My new synthetic winch line is flexible and won’t cut you in two.” “Have you any spare line?” “Yeah, there’s about fifty feet in the back of my truck.” Jordan turned and pointed to Tony. “I want you to get the line and tether one end around that fir by the side of the road. I’ll anchor the truck by tying the other end around the differential gear case when Cam lowers me. I’m not sure it will keep the truck from falling, but it’s the only safeguard we’ll have until Pete swings into action.” “I see what you’re thinking, Jordan,” Pete replied, his eyes glistening in the glow of Cam’s headlights. “I’m not sure the chopper can lift my truck. We always used the Skycrane be—” “Not a problem if the truck holds where she is. When the Sikorsky lifted ’er last month she weighed forty-four hundred pounds. Remember, you’ve got a Bell 212 Twin. It can sling load five thousand.” Pete’s encouraging words sent Jordan’s hopes soaring. While they discussed the plan of attack, Tony tied the rope around the tree. He then climbed in the helicopter and grabbed a hand searchlight, three sets of goggles, earplugs and heavy leather gloves. “We’d better put these on as soon as the Bell starts up; the helicopter’s 284
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downwash is gonna be fierce. “Jordan, I’ll shine this light down so you can see where you’re going. Cam’ll be busy guiding your winch line so it doesn’t snag.” “Thanks, Tony. I owe you.” Jordan paused and Cam broke into his thoughts. “I know your Ford’s rigged with four eyebolts welded on the front and rear frame, but do you think you can reach them all and hook Pete’s cables on them?” “Let’s hope so. I want to work my way carefully along the branches, keeping as much weight off them as possible. The way my truck is positioned, I should be able to get to them. Get ready to winch me down.” He turned to the pilot. “Pete, you know what you have to do.” Tony hustled to the edge of the bank, switched on the searchlight and aimed it downward. “There’s no sign of movement from—” The helicopter’s gyrating blades drowned out his words. The craft rose, forcing the men to quickly insert their ear plugs. Pete piloted the chopper some distance off to the side to make it easier for the men to work, but he stayed within clear sight of their hand motions. He was the expert, but all of them had worked ferrying logs at one time or another. None of them had worked under rescue circumstances where the payoff was life. Cam helped Jordan hook himself securely to the end of the blue braided line, checked the tension, then turned on the truck’s front bumper-mounted winch. Jordan lowered over the bank. Tony payed out the spare cable looped over Jordan’s shoulder, keeping it taut as Jordan descended. Sweat broke out on Jordan’s brow as he performed a tightrope 285
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act, balancing himself with smaller branches, as he made his way along a stout tree limb under the pickup. The Douglas firs were a blessing. Good thing she didn’t land in aspen, they’d have snapped with the weight, sending her... he didn’t want to allow that thought to go any further. Marsha hadn’t been so lucky. As his heavy leather gloves fended off prickly needles, he discovered a strong, forked branch supported the truck. Taking the rope from his shoulder, he stretched and looped it around the casing, then tied it off in an anchoring hold. He withdrew his flashlight from his pocket and scanned the truck’s undercarriage. Thank God, the gas tank isn’t ruptured. Finally, he reached his real destination... just below the truck’s open door. Jordan’s heart skipped a beat. Caught in the spotlight’s white beam, Julie’s ghastly pallor made her look more prepared for a heavenly ascent than a brief ride through the air. She was not only belted in place, but trapped by the steering wheel against her chest. “Julie? If you can hear me, answer, but don’t move.” Her eyes stared to the front; not a muscle moved. The few cuts on her cheeks couldn’t account for the blood running down her face to her chin. Then he noticed the ugly wound on her forehead. “Julie? Julie!” Jordan felt more like a witness to the nightmarish event than a participant. A signal from his hand would change that. Suddenly Julie’s fingers moved; her eyes blinked. Her hands felt for the seatbelt’s clasp. 286
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Twenty-six “Julie, don’t unfasten your seatbelt! Julie? Dammit, answer me.” Jordan pulled the earplug from one ear. She turned her head and looked down at him. “I hear you!” Her furrowed brow emphasized how bizarre he looked to her. “Do you hurt anywhere?” “My head. Where am I?” “In a nest.” Her eyes widened as reality set in. “We’re going to lift you and the truck with the Bell.” “Oh, no!” “We’ve lifted the truck lots of times; don’t worry.” She didn’t need to know the Bell had never done it. They had no choice; Julie could fall to her death before the Sikorsky got here. “I’m going to fasten a four-point ring harness from the chopper to the frame. We’ll sling load you out.” “Jordan?” “What?” “I think I totaled your truck.” “You can pick out a new one. I love you, Julie.” 287
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She looked away. Jordan’s circular hand motion signaled Pete to use the skill that made him a vital part of the logging operation: pinpoint precision. The trees holding the 4x4 shook from the helicopter’s downdraft as it moved into position. Jordan held onto a branch with all his strength. He had no time to dwell on the fact that both he and Julie danced with death. As soon as the Bell was directly overhead, Pete lowered a cable. Attached to the cable by an o-ring, four polyethylene fiber slings, each fitted with a spring-latched hook, dropped below. Jordan groped through open space several times before he managed to catch two. He cautiously eased himself underneath the truck and latched the hooks onto the frame’s front eyebolts. He moved to the back of the vehicle, grabbed the other two hooks and latched them onto the remaining bolts. His job accomplished, Jordan untied the truck’s anchor cable, then moved around to Julie’s door. With too much noise to hear words now, he blew Julie a kiss and mouthed I love you. When she responded in kind, his heart skipped a beat. He signaled with another circular twist of his hand. A lump formed in his throat and his eyes burned, but he swung clear of the teetering vehicle. In seconds Julie’s expression changed. Her eyes shot green flames of terror as the truck shifted and the wheels gave up their hold. At Tony’s direction, Cam winched Jordan up the bank. As soon as Jordan felt solid ground, he rolled to his feet, freed himself from the cable and with the other two men turned to watch the Bell slowly lift. Suspended in the air, 288
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Julie’s life hung in the balance... and Jordan’s heart in a death-grip. With Jordan’s arm and hand signals guiding the way, Pete piloted the craft to the drop zone and hovered. The truck hit the ground with scarcely more than a shudder. Jordan carefully released the main cable so it fell away at an angle. Pete landed the chopper a short distance away. As Tony and Cam released the four slings, Jordan whipped off his goggles and earplug and rushed to Julie’s side. Although still pinned by the steering wheel, Julie gave him a weak smile and reached out to clasp his hand. When the helicopter blades stopped their rotation, a siren in the distance wailed the arrival of medical help. Jordan gently raised Julie’s face and brushed his lips across hers. ~*~ The feather-light touch of Jordan’s finger on her chin sent a warm rush through Julie’s chilled limbs. She stared into eyes dark with concern as he patted his handkerchief gently over her skin. I only want to feel his lips on mine once more. Everything else can go to hell in a hand basket. She trembled, not from fear or embarrassment or shame, but from an excitement she couldn’t explain. By rights, she should be a mental case after this horrible experience, but for the moment all she wanted to feel was the connection they once had shared. Their lips met; it was there: the sweet taste, the joy, that jolt of energy. Every tug on her heartstrings told her how important Jordan was in her life. “Jordan, I think you should know I’m planning to—” “Whoa, Julie. Here’s the ambulance.” 289
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“I don’t need them. I just need to be freed.” “We’ll take care of that once we know you aren’t hurt.” The two ambulance attendants sprang into action. A few minutes later, one paramedic spoke with Jordan. “She doesn’t appear to have any broken bones. That bump on her forehead needs a CAT scan, though. Our local clinic doesn’t have a machine.” “We can take her to the hospital in the chopper.” Jordan turned to Cam. “Let’s winch the steering post away from Julie, so we can get her out.” “No problem.” The men soon had the steering column pulled away from her. A paramedic unsnapped her seatbelt. Before he could check it was safe for her to move, she shifted sideways. “Ohh!” Jordan’s head jerked up, “What’s wrong, Julie?” “My right thigh smarts.” Julie put her fingers to the source of the pain. “Ouch.” When she lifted her hand into the flashlight’s glow, her blood-covered fingers glistened. Jordan shone the beam on her leg. Blood oozed from a slash in her wet jeans. One attendant shook his head. “The windshield’s glass must have cut you.” “No. I had two small bottles in my pocket.” The other paramedic turned to Jordan. “We’ll get her into the ambulance and take a better look.” While the attendants hurried for the stretcher, Jordan stayed with Julie. “What was in the bottles?”
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“Samples of the t-tea Liz served Maggie and me. I’m sorry, but I still think Liz isn’t trustworthy. I-I was going to have them tested. Now I can’t.” Her breath quickened into uneven pants. She feared she’d dissolve in tears with the disappointment, but she kept a stiff upper lip when he didn’t comment. Closer inspection in the ambulance revealed several gashes, none of them deep. The paramedics dressed the wounds and announced her fit to travel. ~*~ Jordan climbed into the ambulance beside Julie. She felt the comfort of his presence just like she had when she realized he was near the truck. She asked, “How c-come I’m not d-dead, Jordan?” She couldn’t quell her teeth’s chatter. “The truck fell twenty-feet or so, but it landed in the softest place available. If you hadn’t been going at a low speed, you would be dead.” His hesitation over the last word caught her attention. She saw pain in his eyes. Jordan reached out and nudged a paramedic’s arm. “If you think Julie’s in shape to go, I’ll get her to the hospital. I’d feel better knowing she has expert care in the best facilities.” “She should be all right, Jordan. Neither of us can go with you, though.” “Pete can you take us? I want to sit in back with her.” “Sure, Jordan, but I’ll need to get right back home afterward.” “We just need to drop her off and leave.” Julie’s world crashed around her. 291
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The ambulance driver pulled Jordan aside. Julie strained to listen. “Keep her talking during the flight. Even though it doesn’t look serious, hard to tell what a bump on the head can cause.” In no time, Julie was lying across three seats, strapped in and monitored by Jordan sitting in the seat closest to her. She wanted so much for him to hold her hand. Or at least focus on her eyes without such look of harrassment. Finally, she stretched out her arm and he grabbed onto her fingers. The strength of his hold bolstered her with a feeling of safety. “Why were you leaving, Julie? Why didn’t you give me a chance to explain?” “You know why,” she answered, a tinge of irritation coloring her speech. “Enlighten me. Why did you feel you had to—” The whirling rotors drowned out his voice. Just as well, Julie thought. Once in the air, it would be impossible to talk. ~*~ Julie must have seen Liz’s fall into his arms and concluded it was playtime. Was that jealousy rearing its head? Or worse yet: hurt? She cared. He needed time to digest this fact. All he wanted was her trust and she showed no signs of giving it. The gurney that met the Bell whisked Julie into emergency. Pete lounged in a plush navy armchair while Jordan paced the cheerless gray carpet. “She seems okay to me, Jordan. I noticed she answered your questions, 292
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though she didn’t give out much information. I’d say the two of you have a lot to work out.” “Yeah, we have a few things we disagree on.” “Sometimes we guys can’t find our own asses with both hands. If you want the advice of a married man, you’d be smart to listen to her.” “You mean about Liz?” “For sure. Nothing to put my finger on, but one thing I do know is that she’d go to any lengths to get her hooks in you. Ah, here comes the doc.” A tall, lean bespectacled man in a lab coat crossed the threshold. “Mr. McIntyre, Julie is going to be fine, but I want her to stay overnight while we run tests. She should be ready to go home in the morning providing everything checks out okay.” “Thanks, doctor. Can I see her now?” “Certainly, but I don’t want you to upset her. The magnitude of the danger is only now honing in. She’s in a fragile state of mind. The woman’s had a harrowing experience.” “I won’t stay long.” Jordan stuck his head around Julie’s curtain. He choked from the odor of disinfectant as he watched her lie helpless, like a small child. Her face as pale as her stark white surroundings, Julie offered a tentative smile. He pulled the solitary black vinyl padded chair beside her and sat down. His hand fumbled for hers as he stared up at her. He’d never noticed the gold flecks amidst the rich green of her eyes. He felt a rush of tenderness and desire. “They’re keeping you here overnight, honey. I’ll come for you in the morning.” Bending across the bed, he kissed 293
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her temple just shy of the bruise and whispered in her ear, “We have a lot of talking to do, but not until tomorrow.” “Sometimes it’s better to avoid confrontation, Jordan.” Suddenly the child had given way and the woman confronted him. “Another area of disagreement.” Jordan noticed the teardrop in the corner of her eye, amazed that it didn’t ride over the brim and streak down her cheek. His finger flexed at the thought of stopping its flow, touching her skin, kissing away the scary night. Julie swallowed, distracting herself from his scrutiny by concentrating on a small spider darting across the floor. Tomorrow would be a distressful time of explanations, but he vowed that at the end of it both of them would know where they stood. He could hardly keep his hands off her, his lips from kissing her, but if he weakened he’d never be able to pull himself from the room. They both would be more rational in the morning and could clear away their strife. “Goodbye Julie. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She looked forlorn and sad. She spoke formally. “Before you go, I want to thank you and your men for saving my life.” Her words stilted, she could have been talking to anyone. “Julie....” Not wanting to cause more stress for either of them, Jordan mumbled, “I’m glad you came out of it okay. I know you think you had reason to take off, but...” he shook his head. Julie gave a loud sigh and nodded. Getting a grip on his emotions, Jordan said, “Rest, you’ve earned it.” ~*~ 294
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Delayed at the ranch with problems needing solutions, Jordan didn’t get to the hospital until nearly noon. His excitement increased as his steps resounded through the corridor to an area of patients’ rooms pointed out by a nurse coming on duty. He’d had a night of restless sleep, waking often to analyze his thoughts. An heir no longer his prime interest, he wanted Julie to have and to hold forever. He wanted, on a permanent basis, the hundred and one little things that went into making contact with her so intriguing. Their differences could be overcome if they listened to each other with love and trust. Trust! The word reverberated in his mind louder than the sound of his footsteps. If Julie was willing to go to such lengths as collecting samples to prove her suspicions, there must be good reason. She was not given to reckless assessments—her nature and life’s work was to pay attention to detail. Details he may have overlooked. Jordan stopped and helped two nurses, blocking his way, push a squeaky, patient-loaded gurney into a cubicle. He moved on, peeking in various rooms, nodding at the patients, surprised Julie wasn’t one of them. At last, a nurse returned to the desk. “Can I help you?” “I’m here to take Doctor Reagan home.” The nurse looked above the rim of her glasses. “Oh? Doctor Reagan was discharged early this morning.” ~*~ Each tick-click, tick-click of the train coach wheels took Julie farther away from the one who held her heart. The rhythmic sway of the sleek silver bullet snaking through the Rockies did nothing to restore her peace of 295
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mind. That serenity she’d only experienced when Jordan held her in his arms. The dazzling Rocky Mountain scenery with its jade-green lakes, sparkling glaciers, and madcap streams rushing in an endless dash through rock canyons held little interest. She concentrated instead on the words she’d seen him form at a critical point in their excitement last night—I love you. She loved him, too, and at the time under duress, she’d mouthed them back. But it couldn’t work. They were not of the same mind in other important matters. She didn’t belong in his life and never would. Since Jordan didn’t care enough to stay and visit her in the hospital, she was better off not depending on him. She could try to regain faith in herself doing what she was good at: devoting herself to sea creatures. Mountain creatures were clearly out of her sphere. Julie’s thoughts remained on the face of the rugged individual she had left behind. In time, his persona would be a blur, his face a distant memory. She could get on with her life, much wiser than before. She had learned not to ask for the moon, or dwell on far-reaching expectations that she neither deserved nor could claim. Yet, she wouldn’t have missed the opportunity to experience Jordan’s companionship brief as it was. She wished she could look at the events with a clear, objective focus, but right now she felt sapped of energy. She could hardly wait to reach the sanctuary of her home. Her apartment had always been a refuge, but this time when she opened the door she was met by a profound sense of emptiness. The hour was late and, not wanting to awaken Dana, she merely checked the rooms, opened the 296
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windows to filter fresh air into the stuffy atmosphere, then fell into bed, pushing all thought of what could have been from her mind. With no alarm set and no one expecting her back, she dropped into a deep sleep that should have provided her with much needed rest. When she awakened, she seemed just as tired as when she’d gone to bed. She dragged herself to the shower, hoping the hot spray would renew her energy. Dana would have already left for work so after she dressed, she boarded a bus and arrived at the aquarium just before noon. She checked in at the office and made arrangements to start back at work the following day, then went in search of her friend. “God, Julie! You look like you’ve been through the gates of hell!” Dana’s frown as she sat across from Julie in a small café manipulating a thick pastrami sandwich, spoke volumes for Julie’s state of mind. “I’ve never seen such hollow eyes, even when you’ve been at a microscope for hours. Ranch life sure doesn’t agree with you.” “I’m not going back.” Julie’s bent arm supporting her chin, she grimaced while stirring a heavy sugar fix into her coffee. “I was in the way.” “Want to talk about it?” “No.” “Don’t you want to eat something?” “Not hungry.” “I’m so glad you returned early. I need advice and help for the wedding. You have good ideas. I’m such a dunce when it comes to doing things right.” “Good ideas? I’m an expert at doing the wrong thing, Dana. I’m sure it’ll be a beautiful wedding.” Julie realized 297
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her dismal mood mustn’t be allowed to spoil this exciting time for Dana. “I’ll do what I can. It will take my mind off my visit.” The days passed quickly as Julie helped Dana finalize the wedding preparations. Julie’s nights, filled with thoughts of Jordan and Maggie’s family, dragged endlessly. Her loss of sleep and lack of appetite contributed to a worsening lethargy. She had to hire a dressmaker to take in her blue satin bridesmaid’s dress. Worse still, she sometimes caught her colleagues whispering behind her back. Dana’s wedding went off without a hitch. When Julie locked the reception hall’s door, a void hit the pit of her stomach. “Now what?” she wondered. Cast away on a raft floating out to sea couldn’t feel much worse. ~*~ One month after the ceremony, Dana returned to collect the remainder of her belongings stored at Julie’s apartment. “Julie, you need vitamins or a tonic of sorts. How about going to see the doctor I had when I lived here, Doctor Morgan? You’d like her.” “I’m so tired all the time; I guess I do need some kind of pick-me-up.” “Has Jordan called or sent your things?” “No. It’s better we don’t have contact. I didn’t leave anything I can’t replace, but I did like my tweed slacks.” “Well, I’m off home to Calgary now, but if you need to get away, please come and visit.” “I will, Dana, thanks.” Two weeks of lethargy passed before her doctor’s appointment. Julie was admitted to the office eight weeks 298
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from the day she had first set foot on Lazy M territory. She answered the doctor’s questions with methodic accuracy as a good scientist does. Doctor Morgan paused, drummed her pen on her desk thoughtfully, then studied Julie’s face. “When was the date of your last period?” The muscles in Julie’s throat tightened. Her lungs felt cramped for space. “Oh... I skipped last month’s period, but that was probably due to the trauma of the accident. I’m due again any day.” “Doctor Reagan, do you have any reason to believe you might be pregnant?” “Pregnant?” Julie picked an imaginary piece of lint off her blue cashmere sweater’s sleeve. “Is it a possibility?” the physician asked. Julie’s mind sped back to the night she and Jordan had made love. How could she forget? “It’s possible, but I haven’t put on any weight or had morning sickness. There was only one chance, doctor.” Julie’s brain churned with calculations. “Well, that’s all it takes.” Doctor Morgan returned a sympathetic smile. “I’ll order blood work and do a pelvic exam now.” A short time later, Julie returned to her apartment, placed the vitamin pills on the table and plunked in the chair facing the window. She watched eiderdown fluffy white clouds drift lazily across the sky. Never had she been so aware of the brilliant blue behind them. Sparkles like diamonds glistened on the mountaintops beneath the 299
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sun’s beams. She felt incredibly alive with knowing one of her dreams would come true in seven months. Her upside-down world was righting itself. Bonding with Jordan’s unborn child had occurred the moment the doctor confirmed the good news. She ran her hands over her flat belly. This child will be loved with every ounce of my being. Another month and a half passed. Her concentrated effort to eat nourishing food and maintain an exercise program brought healthy results. Julie could almost overlook the sadness that sometimes crept up for no reason—all part of pregnancy’s woes, she told herself. She strove to research motherhood in her spare time, certain beyond doubt that she would be the best mother possible. Her morale generally maintained a satisfying high, except for the brief, unguarded moments when her mind’s eye wandered to Jordan’s face. A sudden ring of the doorbell startled her. Not expecting company, she opened the door and stared at the uniformed man standing in front of her.
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Twenty-seven “I have a shipment for Doctor Julie Reagan.” The brown-uniformed UPS deliveryman flashed a quirky grin. “I’m Julie Reagan.” “If you’ll put your John Hancock on the line, I’ll bring the goods in from the van.” Julie signed and waited expectantly. She had ordered ten copies of her latest hardbound publication, but a gasp caught in her throat when she saw him bring in her two suitcases, instead. She pulled five dollars from her purse. He waved off her money. “That’s been taken care of ma’am.” Julie closed herself off from the outside world, leaned back in her chair and watched the suitcases as if she expected them to pop open themselves. Finally, she unlatched and opened each case. Inside the smaller one lay an envelope addressed to Dr. Julie Reagan. With tearfilled eyes, shaky hands and a dry throat, she pulled out a folded notepaper. Lazy M in bold black print headlined the page. Julie shoved the paper back into the envelope and rose from her armchair. She carried the letter into the 301
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kitchen, intending to drop it in the trashcan, but changing her mind she tossed it on the table. ~*~ “I can’t take much more of Jordan’s bad temper and wild mood swings!” Cam fumed, sweeping the last traces of snow from his boots in the back entryway of his home. “He’s hurting, Cam,” Maggie whispered. “The scheme you concocted was bound to cause grief. What amazes me is that Jordan went along with it. You each must have had a complete mental lapse to treat a woman as if she were some prize animal that could be bred, then left to join the herd.” “Oh... Don’t blame Jordan, Maggie, my love; the blame rests solely with me. And where Jordan’s stubbornness is involved, I’m gonna have to be the one to rectify my error.” Cam put his arm around her shoulder and squeezed. Life in the Caldwell home had improved immeasurably since he and Maggie had sat down to a serious discussion. He’d unloaded his horrendous guilt. Maggie had blasted him with more than a few cross words interspersed with tearing jags, but in the end she’d pardoned him. Her absolution made him love her more than ever. He had almost thrown away his chance for happiness on one bad decision; the same thing would not happen to his best friend if he could stop it. “Jordan is too pig-headed to go after Julie. If Mohammed won’t go to the mountain, then the mountain must appear at his front door. For that to happen, I’m going to need your help.”
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“If I didn’t miss Julie so much, I’d let you and Jordan wallow in misery.” A sly grin brightened her face. “What can I do?” ~*~ Julie leaned against the counter and stared at the envelope, half-afraid of what it would tell her, half afraid of what it wouldn’t say. Finally, she pulled out a chair, sat, then opened the letter. The writing was clearly scribbled in haste, as if Jordan wanted to be over and done with her. Julie— Sorry I took Obviously, they bring you back intend to place column.
so long to send your things. weren’t important enough to to claim them. I don’t ever another letter in a personal Jordan.
Julie bit her lip to stem the involuntary quivers racking her body. She had considered their relationship over when she returned to the city, but now it seemed as if he were here in the room. Right or wrong, she had decided to keep Jordan in the dark for the time being, confident in her decision—until today. This morning she’d found out she was carrying twins—two babies who would not have the presence of their father in their lives. She had given it a great deal of thought as the bus lumbered along the street, carrying her home from the doctor’s office. She simply couldn’t keep her secret from the only man who had ever drawn her close, protected her and made love to her. She loved the life growing within her, loved 303
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Jordan too much to deprive him of his parental rights. The problem was how to tell him. To do it by phone was a coward’s way out. Yet could she face the anguish of another visit to the ranch? Perhaps Jordan would come to Vancouver. She sauntered back to the living room, curled her legs underneath her in a corner of the sofa and picked up the phone. She dialed his number, hardly prepared for the tension that held her body in a cold, hard vise. “Hello?” His husky voice resonated along her nerves. The vise tightened. “Jordan... it’s Julie,” she whispered, wiping her moist hands on her jeans. Pause. “What can I do for you, Julie?” “My luggage came today. Thank you for sending it. I think we should talk. Could you come to Vancouver?” “I wanted us to talk some time ago, but you weren’t interested as I recall. I don’t think we have anything to discuss now.” “You’re right, as always. Goodbye.” What a jerk! Julie thought of all the things she could have said to convince Jordan they needed to re-evaluate their relationship, the prime one being they had two tiny fragile lives to consider. She resented the freedom he had unknowingly granted her and sank deeper into the soft cushions. Anger she could handle but not blatant indifference. The tears came in a flood she couldn’t control. Lifting the receiver, her damp grip seemed to bring her a sense of intimate contact. She gently rubbed 304
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her fingers along its smooth lines, hoping for release from her sadness. Her little apartment had always been a source of solace. Bereft, she looked around at the cheerfully painted walls and realized the room no longer soothed her—she was no longer at home. Home had become another place—in Jordan’s arms. She cried for the loss to her children of the father they might never know. She cried for her own loss of a home life that was never meant to be. She had no one to hear her sobs, no one to comfort her and no one to wrap their warmth around her, protecting her from the harsh realities of life. The automatic signal tone of a receiver off the hook buzzed up from her hand. The death knell of her contact with Jordan. She cradled the phone and dried her tears with her sweater’s hem. All right. I can get through this. I’m more determined than ever to move on with my life. We’ll manage fine. Just as she stood, the phone rang. She snatched it up. “Hello?” “Julie, it’s Maggie. How are you?” Julie struggled to normalize her voice. “I’m okay.” She’d better get control of herself; there was no point in setting her misery on Maggie’s shoulders. “Is anything wrong, Maggie? Are the kids all right?” Julie thought she heard a faint click on the line, but it may have been static interference. “I have a problem, Julie. I fell and sprained my ankle. I’m having a hard time getting around. I need help. Liz isn’t with us anymore, but Cam threatens to bring her over if you don’t come. At my badgering, Jordan gave the okay 305
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for Pete to fly the Cessna to Vancouver and bring you here. Please, Julie?” Liz, not with them anymore? Probably moved in with Jordan. No wonder he didn’t want to see me. A sudden longing to at least see Maggie and her family made a mockery of her vow to stay away. “Okay. Have Pete come tomorrow. I should be able to stay the rest of the week.” Six days? What was I thinking? Julie paced the floor after she ended the conversation. She hurried to her bedroom and posed in front of the dresser mirror. She was beginning to show a small blossoming bulge. Bulky sweaters over maternity jeans should disguise her stomach. Maggie’s cheery voice had lifted her spirits. The realization she couldn’t avoid Jordan filled her with both apprehension... and exhilaration. Observing Jordan with Liz would bring closure to that part of her life. She could handle it. She had to. ~*~ The flight to the ranch lacked the wonder of Julie’s first trip. Though the thrill of the mountain spectacle still took her breath, it couldn’t compare to the magic she had experienced with Jordan at the controls. Pete’s proud rambling on his new baby boy kept her amused. He tactfully never mentioned the dark circles beneath her eyes due to worry about her destination. As soon as the ranch buildings came into sight her unease knotted her stomach. By the time they landed, she was rubbing her temples. Vision blurred, she bit her lip, hoping the headache would soon leave, but at least it gave 306
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her a diversion. She blinked to clear the view and looked up at the cabin. Did a kitchen curtain move? Probably Liz was watching. Julie inwardly groaned. It shouldn’t matter anymore. She lagged behind Pete on the trek to the big house. Although he carried her suitcases, she felt unusually fatigued. He didn’t question her pace but slowed to match it. With her emotions strung tighter than strings on a harp, she struggled to listen to him chatter about his baby girl and two new stallions Jordan had purchased. She refrained from asking about Jordan himself. The incline left her panting for air by the time they reached the back doorstep. They were met by the boundless energy of excited children throwing themselves around her neck. The center of such joy brought tears to her eyes. Julie presented each child with a storybook, then laughed when they abandoned her to look at them in the living room. Maggie’s face beamed as she rocked by the wood stove, her bandaged ankle propped on a low stool. “When you’ve taken off your coat and those new black suede boots I see you’re wearing, pull up a chair and relax.” Maggie tilted her head. “You must have been putting in a lot of hours at the microscope; your eyes are ringed like a raccoon.” “I’ve started a different study, this time on sea otters. I’ve been in the lab a lot checking blood and tissue slides.” Julie smiled, relieved she could at least speak a half-truth. “I’m so glad you could come. We’ll have great gabfests.” 307
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Julie didn’t need to be coaxed to relax. She automatically did so anytime she was around Maggie’s good nature. Once Julie hauled a chair from the table and sat in it, she reached over and patted her friend’s hand. “I can tell by the gleam light in your eyes, things are going well between you and Cam.” “They are. You seemed out of breath when you came in.” “Out of shape is why. I haven’t been running as much as I’d like.” “Your face is fuller, Julie, it becomes you.” Julie didn’t reply but soon got caught up on the latest activities of the Caldwell family. She helped the children get ready for play outside and when finished felt as if the life had drained from every muscle she had. Her movements slowed with her loss of energy. She needed to sit and rest before anything else transpired. This was a sticky point; her weariness was hard to hide. She slumped back into the chair and faced Maggie. “Thanks for coming, Julie. You have no idea what a strain it is for me to sit here and let you do all the work.” “You deserve a rest. Does your ankle ache?” “Only when I stand on it. The elastic strapping itches like crazy, though. I shouldn’t complain. I’m lucky it didn’t break. I wanted Jordan to fly you here, but you know how stubborn he is.” “That’s for the best. Pete was fun company.” Julie still asked nothing about Jordan, but how she chafed for news of him. “You don’t see much of Liz these days?” “She springs surprise visits on us occasionally. Jordan takes off if she’s here.” 308
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“They aren’t together?” “No.” “Oh.” The remainder of the day fled with Julie substituting for Maggie’s legs. By the time they all sat down to a supper of spaghetti with meat sauce prepared from her favorite recipe, Julie wanted to crawl in a corner and disappear. The saving grace was the fact everyone liked what she’d served and were satisfied with ice cream for dessert. Cam helped her tidy up the kitchen, while Maggie read to the children. As the children left to get ready for bed, at Maggie’s suggestion the adults withdrew to the living room and the ambience of a blazing fire. No mention was made of Jordan. Julie suspected Cam and Maggie had made a pact to respect Jordan’s privacy. Julie bet if she brought up his name she’d be pestered to traipse over to visit him. So here they all sat, avoiding the obvious. Julie stared into the fire, enjoying the comfort that offered such a sense of belonging, of being needed and appreciated. Maggie and Cam smothered her with friendship and laughter. She reveled in the new lively banter between the pair. Too bad Jordan can’t be part of this fun. Her mind’s eye had skipped to him again, or maybe it had never left. Her musings jarred to a standstill when she heard the kitchen’s back door slam against the wind, followed by erratic steps and muttered oaths. Someone had stumbled over the children’s boots she’d been too exhausted to put away. Jordan! Julie’s fingernails dug into her easy chair’s armrests. Two feet shuffled toward the living room. 309
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Maggie and Cam exchanged glances. Julie noted the sudden crimson hue of their complexions. A moment of panic pricked Julie’s already fragile nervous system, but she managed to tamp it down with a nonchalant walk to the window. She braced herself for the emotional onslaught of Jordan’s arrival. Her dread warred with a compulsion to see him again. She so needed to refresh his face in her memory, absorb his strength, and most of all, drink in the intoxicating scent that was his alone. She remained with her back to the room, but Jordan’s reflection leaped before her in the windowpane. His grin faded when she didn’t turn. A feather dropped on the hearth would have deafened her. Unable to endure the suspense and the guilty looks mirrored on Cam and Maggie, Julie swung around, her jaw set in defiance, her sweaty palms rolled by her side. Prepared for a scowl or a shrug of indifference, she saw instead, the same bemusement Jordan had displayed the first time she met him. Her defense crumbled. He’d have the advantage he always had, causing her to succumb to his charm and confidence. Unless she fought it. “Hello, Julie.” His eyes probed the depths of hers. He extended his hand. “Hello, Jordan.” She spoke with a calm assurance she hadn’t believed she could muster. She looked at his offer of friendship and saw the calloused fingers that had roamed freely on her body in their shared passion. Clasping his hand, she held it for only seconds. The crackling fire broke the awkward standoff when an ember burst in a showering of sparks that sent Cam scuttling to 310
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extinguish the fiery bits. A puff of smoke drifting through the air erased other scents from her mind. She had thought herself ready for any emotional turbulence Jordan’s appearance might bring. An undulation of goose flesh cascading down her arms proved her wrong. His penetrating gaze speared like an arrow straight to her soul. Maggie tried to relieve the tension in the room. “Come join us, Jordan. I feel so much better now that Julie is here.” Cam sat, stiff and unmoving, but uncertainty filled his eyes. Maggie nudged him. “Here, take my chair, I’ll mix drinks.” Maggie stood. “Cam, would you help me check on the children, first?” “Ah...” “Now, Cam.” “Oh, s-sure thing.” With Cam’s help, Maggie limped from the room. Julie sat in an armchair by the fire, knowing they were granting privacy. Never more strongly did she want to put distance between Jordan and herself. Distance hadn’t helped in the past nor would it now. She walked to the sofa, each step measured with angst. ~*~ Jordan slumped into a chair opposite her and crossed his right ankle over his left knee. His elbows planted firmly on the armrests, he steepled his fingers. Damn, I’ve missed her. Something looks different about her now. Her pinkish complexion is healthier than the last time I saw 311
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her, but ignoring me shows I disturb her. And she’s back to baggy clothes... The body that kept him awake with imaginative pictures of what he could do to it was hidden. She seemed to lack the vitality that had formerly sent him reeling with provocative messages. She must be spending too much time in the lab, judging by those tired eyes. I’d better explain why I was holding Liz. He wondered how to approach the subject. The minute he’d told Julie he wasn’t interested in talking with her he’d regretted it and planned to call her right back He’d wondered who he was kidding. Life without her was unbearable. Hell, he wanted to marry her. The way his tension had skyrocketed when she was in danger convinced him to stop fighting what he felt. The same tension filled his heart when he bid her goodbye on the phone. By a stroke of good luck, he’d picked up the receiver to call her back and inadvertently overheard Maggie plea for Julie’s help. Since he felt more secure on his home ground, he’d decided to wait for her visit. Sprained ankle? He could hardly believe the length Maggie went to in order to bring Julie back. Once she arrived, it hadn’t taken all the coercion Cam went through to get him to drop over tonight. Now, here they were in such close quarters he could hear her shallow breathing and see tiny beads of perspiration shimmering on her forehead. She acted as if she were under duress. He hadn’t done a thing but be in the same room. She must have strong feelings about him that he could have such an effect on her. ~*~ 312
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Julie gazed into the fire, trying without success to ignore Jordan’s subdued presence. When she could stand it no longer, she stood. “I’ll be back in a minute.” She bumped into the doorframe as she made her exit and entered the first floor powder room, noisily shutting the door. She sheepishly stared into the mirror aware, she couldn’t stay here all evening. Maybe at least long enough to stop shaking. Cold water splashed on her face did little to calm her jitters. How could she end this torment? Only one way. She flushed the toilet to make Jordan think her quick trip was essential, then tiptoed to the kitchen, donned her boots and jacket and slipped out the back door. Her breath funneled to a white vapor as soon as it hit the cold air. She rolled up her collar and with her hands in her pockets strolled down the walkway, praying every step of the way that Jordan didn’t look out the front window. What a coward I am! She paused to admire Jordan’s gleaming, new red truck parked beside the nearest barn. Guess he knew better than to wait for me to help pick it out. The snow crunched beneath her feet breaking the silence of the night. A horse neighed in one of the stalls, but she continued past the barns and corrals. Instead of retracing her steps, she looped around the end of the barns, coming up on the rear side until she reached the small building whose contents still sometimes shattered her nights. I wonder if Jordan got rid of Marsha’s wreck? She peeked in the window, but the inky blackness made it impossible to see. The eeriness that even now bristled the 313
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hair on her neck had to be eliminated. A long, private look ought to do it. Julie stepped up to the shed’s door. With a slight hesitation and trembling fingers, she lifted the bar. The door swung wide as if in invitation. Her flick of the light switch revealed empty space. The ghost that spooked her imagination had gone. She walked slowly to the center of the building. Suddenly, the hinges groaned shut behind her. A female voice, loaded with sarcasm, asked, “What did you expect to find?” Julie spun round and saw Liz standing between her and the entrance. “Echoes from the past, Liz. That’s what was here all along. I see Jordan has removed Marsha’s car. Rightly so; it was dragging him down.” “We agree there. Good riddance I say.” “I’ve had weeks away from here to gain a clear perspective. Know what I’ve come up with, Liz?” “Be my guest. Fill me in; I can hardly wait.” “There wasn’t any malfunction and you knew it. Jordan hadn’t tampered with the mechanics as you implied.” The housekeeper’s eyebrow raised. “Of course he didn’t, neither did I.” “You didn’t need to go that far, did you? It was easier to plant seeds of discontent in Marsha’s mind and let her frustrations do the rest.” “Marsha didn’t deserve him. He would have married me if I’d had more time to work on him.” Liz’s eyes brimmed with contempt. “You planned around him to get what you wanted.” 314
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“So what if I did? No law against that.” “There’s a law against putting someone’s life in harm’s way. Why did you poison Maggie’s tea?” “You have no proof that I did.” Julie weighed her options, wondering if Liz knew about the sample bottles and the fact they had smashed. Julie had to take a big gamble for her own peace of mind. “I took samples of the tea you served Maggie and me.” By her open mouth and wide eyes, Julie suspected Liz hadn’t known. “Dangerous levels of arsenic showed up in my lab.” “You’re lying. It was only a.... You can’t prove those samples came from tea I served.” “Let me hazard a guess.” Julie folded her arms, maintaining steady eye contact. “The house Maggie and Cam lived in burned down because you set the fire to ensure they moved into the big house.” Liz pursed her mouth. She started to make a retort but calmed. Her culpability couldn’t be proved at this late date. Julie knew better than to stop and give her chance to regroup. “With Maggie sick, she’d need your help. That assured you a place on the ranch. Arsenic is a natural substance found in foods and water and not likely to be quickly detected. Minute amounts of rat poison could be overlooked, especially at a small hospital lab. You even risked the health of Cam’s babies. Some friend you are—a blackmailer and a potential killer.” “I didn’t give her anything once Maggie told me she’d missed a period.” “That explains why she was well during her pregnancies. How did you manage Cam’s indiscretion?” 315
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“That fell into my lap if you must know. His crude, drunken behavior gave me an edge I couldn’t have foreseen. To keep me quiet he told me things I needed to know. I could keep tabs on Jordan and conveniently appear most places he went.” “I’ll bet you spread the malicious rumors that Jordan might have caused the accident. That would eliminate competition from women in the area. Am I right?” “You think you’re so clever! He’s not in my bed, but he will be shortly. Unfortunately, you interfered with my plan, but no matter. You took off on him, just like Marsha did. He’ll never forgive you for that.” Liz continued on as if she needed to get the information off her chest. “Marsha had told me earlier in the day she was leaving him. I suggested she take the shortcut. I told her the men made it out to be more dangerous than it really was. I’d driven it several times in winter. She didn’t listen to Jordan. I can’t be blamed. I didn’t have to mention going that route to you. Your stupidity did you in; you were just lucky that’s all.” “It won’t work, Liz. I’ll not let you destroy him. I have information that will turn Jordan from you forever. He’s going to be a father, not only of one child, but two. He’ll not abandon them. He’ll not abandon me. I saw it in his eyes tonight.” Liz’s eyes glimmered with hate. Julie turned to leave by the shed's small back door so she wouldn't have to go past the housekeeper. She didn’t see the housekeeper grab a shovel leaning against the wall. Didn’t hear the stealthy footsteps creep up behind her as she walked. 316
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“Drop it, Liz!” Julie whirled around, stunned to see Jordan at the shed’s partly open front door. His face blazed with anger. The shovel thudded to the earth floor. His voice taut, he said, “ There never was anything between us, Liz. Now that I see you for what you are, I wouldn’t be surprised but what you typed the letters in Marsha’s drawer and did everything you could to split us apart. Get off the ranch! I should have kicked you out of here long ago. If you ever come back, I’ll have you arrested for attempted assault or maybe worse.” Her plans unraveled, Liz’s face drained of color. With an insolent shrug, she strode past him. A few seconds later the roar of a truck’s engine faded into the night. “How come you happened by at such a convenient time, Jordan?” “This is McIntyre land, Julie. It’s stayed in this family because of the protective eyes of its owners. I’m as tuned into something being wrong here as a mother is tuned to her child. Of course, people staying in the bathroom too long adds to the mix.” “How long have you been out there?” “Long enough. Was it true what you said?” “I lied about the test on the tea.” “I mean the rest.” Julie sighed. “Yes.” “I’m going to be a father?” “Twins.” “Did you plan to tell me, or were you going to sneak out of here without a word?” 317
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“Truthfully, I’m not sure. My choice to tell you wasn’t set in concrete.” Jordan turned on his heel. “But I realized how much I missed you, how much I wanted you to be with us and how empty our lives would be without you.” Jordan stopped, his back to her. “If you don’t love me, Jordan, I can accept it... if you’ll love your kids and promise to be there for them even if we’re in the city.” Jordan’s shoulders shook. He turned back. She saw moisture in the eyes of the man she considered a tower of strength. That he didn’t try to hide it made him seem that much stronger. Giant strides carried him to her. He crushed her against his chest, his suede jacket soft and comforting to her cheek. He nearly squeezed the breath out of her, but when he lifted her chin to a lingering kiss, her blood heated to a fever pitch. “I think we should have that t-talk now... in the cabin,” he whispered, his voice choked. “I think it’s a good idea.” Later, they cuddled by the fire after a heart-wrenching exchange of truths, their souls laid bare in hope they could begin anew without influences from the past obscuring their dreams. Self-preservation and distrust no longer shadowed their love. “Julie, I love you and I want you to be my wife, not because of the pregnancy, but because my life is barren without you. If you still want your career, we’ll work 318
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something out... I won’t hold you here, if you aren’t happy.” She stared at Jordan’s craggy features as his arms loosened their embrace. For the first time in her life, she felt loved. Jordan was like the mountains that surrounded his home—strong, protective and permanent. “I’ll always be happy here with you. I can continue with my writing and still carry the occasional seminar when I’m not busy having babies, but our family will take priority.” She heaved a deep, smoldering sigh. “The echoes will still be there. The past can’t be changed, but the miracle is that our attitude toward it can alter. We have the power, Jordan.” She reached up and pushed an errant strand from his forehead. “Hush, Julie, it’s late. We could continue this discussion in the bedroom, involving a little more action.” “For every action there is a reaction, Jordan. That one could be explosive.”
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Meet Carol McPhee When I was little, I used to put myself to sleep by dreaming up stories. From heroines being rescued by gallant cowboys, such as Rex Allen and Audie Murphy, I passed through to Elvis Presley, Mel Gibson and Pierce Brosnan. How strange to be now dreaming up stories in the daytime that don’t personally involve me, but instead picture strong women thrown into circumstances almost beyond their control. In the end they are the executors of their own fate, with help from masterful, exciting heroes. I sincerely hope you enjoy my mental meandering. Without the support of my husband of over forty years and the encouragement of our four adult children, none of this would be possible. I invite you to visit my website at: http://www.geocities.com/carolmcphee2003. Please feel free to comment in my guestbook.
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