Rule of Reason (Impulse and Initiative)

THE RULE OF REASON

The Rule of Reason Abigail Reynolds

Intertidal Press 1

A bi ga il Rey nolds

THE RULE OF REASON Copyright © 2002, 2007 by Abigail Reynolds All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any format whatsoever. For information, address Intertidal Press, 700 Rayovac Dr., Suite 220, Madison, WI 53711 www.pemberleyvariations.com

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To Jane Austen and all those who love her

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Chapter 1

It was nearing noon on a hot June day when Colonel Fitzwilliam stepped out of the stuffy coach into the raucous noise of London. Since it was only a short distance to Darcy's house, he decided to take the opportunity to stretch his legs after the long ride rather than hire a carriage. Paying a boy to cart his luggage for him, he set off at a quick pace. He sincerely hoped that his cousin would prove to be in town; he could not be certain, since Darcy had been such a poor - in fact non-existent correspondent since their trip to Rosings. Georgiana's last letter had not indicated any planned travels, however, so presumably she at least would be there. He would prefer to see Darcy, though, so that he could at least try to resolve whatever it was he had said or done that had apparently offended his cousin. Darcy had clearly been angry and upset when they left Rosings, but had been unwilling to discuss his concerns. At the time, knowing that Lady Catherine had called Darcy in for a private conference just before their departure, Colonel Fitzwilliam had assumed that his mood was related to that event, and that she must have finally overstepped the boundaries regarding Darcy's supposed engagement to her daughter, but now, after nearly two months of uncharacteristic silence from Darcy despite several letters sent to him, he could only conclude that Darcy's anger must have been directed toward him. Try as he might, though, he could not recollect anything more offensive in his 5

A bi ga il Rey nolds behavior than the usual teasing he engaged in with his cousin. Well, he would just have to jolly Darcy out of his sulk and find out what was on his mind. He knocked sharply on the front door, and was admitted by one of the servants who knew him well enough not to comment on his unexpected arrival. He was informed that while Darcy was out for the day, Miss Georgiana was at home and would receive him in her sitting room. Disregarding the offer to show him in, he strode down the hall and walked in with a smile. "Cousin Richard!" Georgiana said delightedly. "This is a surprise - I thought you were still in Newcastle!" He kissed her cheek in greeting. "Sorry to disappoint you, sweetheart his Lordship decided that Major General Bradford needed to discuss certain matters with me immediately, so there I was, sent off post-haste to London with nary a chance to even tell you I was coming. Can you put up your poor wandering cousin for a few nights while I suffer the slings and arrows of the Major General?" Georgiana smiled. "Oh, Richard, of course. Why else would we keep your room available?" "Well, let me excuse myself then to make myself presentable for the company of a lady, which, after roasting for two days in the most uncomfortable coach in England, I assure you that I am not." "Of course. I will be here when you are ready. And, Richard," she added, her voice becoming serious, "I am glad you are here. I need to talk to you about William." "Ah," he replied. "So something is up in that quarter; I suspected as much. I shall be interested to hear about all about it." In his room he was grateful to shrug out of his sweaty uniform as one of the menservants vainly tried to unwrinkle the garments he had packed hurriedly before his departure. "Well, they will just have to do for today," Colonel Fitzwilliam told him. "Perhaps you could spruce up the rest a bit for tomorrow." A knock came at the door as he was buttoning his waistcoat. Finding it to be Philips, Darcy's long-time butler, he waved him in. "Welcome to London, Colonel Fitzwilliam," Philips said, looking unwontedly nervous. "I know you have just arrived, but I wondered if I might be so bold as to beg a moment of your time." "Of course," he said amiably. "What can I do for you?" 6

THE RULE OF REASON "Well, sir, I hope you will not think this excessively forward of me, but when I heard you were here, I thought perhaps.... I should take the opportunity to speak with you about a concern that I have, that is to say that the staff in general have, but we have been at a loss as to whom to approach about it." Colonel Fitzwilliam, puzzled, responded, "Well, I'll be happy to hear you out, but surely if this is a staff concern, would Darcy not be the one to address?" "Yes, sir, of course, but you see, the concern is, well, about Mr. Darcy, sir. He just hasn't been himself of late." The colonel held his chin up as the valet began tying his cravat. He was quite surprised that the loyal and reticent Philips would approach him about Darcy at all, much less with a concern. "Not himself? What do you mean?" "Well, sir, he seems very, well, withdrawn, I would say, for lack of a better word. He spends most of his time alone in his study, and we, the staff that is, have noticed that he often seems to be, well, in some distress. He goes out most evenings, although he doesn't seem to look forward to it, but then when his friends come calling, he isn't at home to them, not even Mr. Bingley. Mr. Darcy has never been what I would call a man of many words, sir, but now, well, we don't hear much of anything out of him beyond requests and thank yous, even his valet. And, well, there are other things, but I'm sure you see the problem." "What other things, Philips?" he asked, his concern rising. "Well, sir, he's been short with Miss Georgiana a few times. And he has taken to staying up half the night, sometimes reading, but sometimes pacing or just staring off into space. And, well, begging your pardon, sir, but as you know Mr. Darcy has never been one for excessive imbibing, as it were, but there have been several instances when he has, well, gone through more than a bottle on his own, but Cook says it is a challenge to tempt him to eat much of anything. I don't mean to complain, sir, he has been no trouble to us, but, well, we are worried. And I don't know what he would say if he knew I was talking to you about him like this, sir." "You were quite right to bring this to me, Philips, and you may be certain that I will keep this conversation to myself," Colonel Fitzwilliam said thoughtfully. "Thank you, sir. If there is anything I can do to help, anything at all, please just say the word." He bowed and exited. 7

A bi ga il Rey nolds The colonel turned to the valet. "What do you have to say about all this? Do you agree with Philips?" The young man snorted. "He's not telling you the half of it, sir, and that's all I'll say about that. I value my work here." A few minutes later Georgiana was warming to the same theme. "He just hasn't been the same since the two of you came back from Kent. I hardly know, he's abstracted a lot, and sometimes I find that he is paying no attention to what I say. But the worst is when I come upon him when he is not expecting to see me, and he looks so bleak. I've tried talking to him, asking him if something is wrong, but he just says that everything is fine, and, Richard, it is so obviously not fine that I have no idea what to say, and all I can think is that it must be something to do with me. Honestly, it's been rather frightening. I really haven't known who to turn to." Colonel Fitzwilliam shook his head. "Do you have any idea what this may be about?" She hesitated. "I know of nothing that can have caused such a change. I cannot think of anything that I would expect to bother him this much, anything new, that is, only the old things. He seems to be getting along with all his friends; in fact, he's been being rather unusually sociable, though he hardly seems to enjoy it. And I assume that there is not any financial trouble, because you would know about that, would you not? The kitchen talk is that there's a woman involved, but I cannot see what would upset him so much about that either." She paused, then added in a softer voice, "I have wondered if it has anything to do with last summer." "I am quite sure it has nothing to do with that," he said reassuringly. "Well, not to worry, sweetheart; I will worm it out of him somehow. We shall get to the bottom of this." After dinner the men retired to the study. Darcy poured out two glasses of port, and handed one to Colonel Fitzwilliam, who sipped it appreciatively. "Now I remember why I come here," he said. "Your wine cellar." "Well, I would hate to think that it was for the company," Darcy replied. "Unlikely. I have been told by a number of people that you have been rather poor company of late." Darcy shot him a suspicious glance. "I'm honored to know that I am so popular." ...your manners impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, 8

THE RULE OF REASON your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others... Swallowing a sizeable amount of port, he eyed his cousin warily. "Something is obviously on your mind, Darcy. What is it?" "Don't tell me Georgiana has you started on this, too. She has somehow decided that I'm upset about something, and she has been like a bulldog about it. Pay no attention to her." "You have always been a terrible liar. Now, tell Cousin Richard what the problem is." "There is no problem, Fitzwilliam!" snapped Darcy. "I am not an idiot, Darcy," he said amiably. "People are worried about you. I'm worried about you. For God's sake, even you admit that it has affected Georgiana!" Darcy, seeing the inquisitorial light in his cousin's eye, started to feel sympathy for cornered animals. He sighed. "Richard, leave it. There are some things that need to be private." "There are some times when you need to turn to your family and friends. And stop guzzling that port as if it were water; it deserves better treatment than that." Silence was his only response. "Do not let your damned pride get in the way, Darcy. Pride goeth before a fall, and all that." Darcy gave a harsh laugh. "Believe me, that is one lesson I have down very well, thank you." "You cannot distract me that easily. Now, as your cousin, and your friend, and Georgiana's guardian, I am asking you to tell me what is wrong." "For God's sake, stop it! If I need to talk, I promise, I will come to you first." Colonel Fitzwillliam sighed and stood up. For a moment Darcy thought that he had won the point, but then he saw that he was only going as far as the sidetable. Bringing the decanter of port and an unopened bottle of wine back to the desk, he refilled Darcy's glass. "If you want to do this the hard way, we will do it the hard way," he said in a voice the officers under his command would recognize instantly. "And what exactly does that mean?" "It means I plan to drink you under the table, cousin, and sooner or later you will be drunk enough to talk. Waste of good port, though." "What makes you think you can outdrink me?" "I'm a soldier. It's one of the few useful skills we learn. Drink up, now." 9

A bi ga il Rey nolds Darcy, exhausted, rested his head in his hands. "Look, Richard, if I tell you what it is, will you leave me alone?" In a somewhat gentler voice, Colonel Fitzwilliam replied, "Probably not." They were silent for some minutes. Finally Darcy said, "It is the oldest story known to man. I fell in love with a woman, and she refused me. Are you satisfied?" "She refused you? Darcy, I can't think of one woman in the world who would refuse you. Well, maybe the Duchess of ____ - - she has enough money and lands of her own, and no use for handsome young men, or so I hear. Of course, she is old enough to be your mother, so I suppose it isn't she." "Very amusing, Fitzwilliam. Yes, there is a woman out there who would and did refuse me, for the very simple reason that she could not like or respect me." Colonel Fitzwilliam sat back and pondered this information. Recalling his cousin's unusual behavior at Rosings, an idea began to form in his mind. "Darcy, is it possible that we are speaking of the lovely Miss Bennet?" Darcy drained his glass. "Touché, my friend. I applaud your deductive reasoning," he said with some bitterness. "Well, I applaud your taste. If she only had money, I might have wanted to marry her myself. I confess to surprise that she refused you, though; I would have thought her more practical than that." You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it. "You cannot be aware of how grave my sins are in her eyes, then." "I know she found you high-handed. Are there other sins besides that?" I have every reason in the world to think ill of you. "There are so many to choose from, it is hard to know where to begin. You could start with the fact that she received her information about my character from none other than our dear friend George Wickham. Then there is the small matter that I broke her sister's heart by discouraging Bingley from marrying her, and that I was unforgivably condescending and rude to her in my proposal ... I think that covers the main points," Darcy said bitterly. "Let us not forget that I am arrogant and conceited as well." "It was her sister that Bingley was in love with?"

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THE RULE OF REASON "I thought she was indifferent to him, and apparently I was wrong." Do you think that any consideration would tempt me to accept the man, who has been the means of ruining, perhaps for ever, the happiness of a most beloved sister? "What did she say when you explained it to her?" Darcy sighed. "I was too angry to explain at the time. I wrote her a letter afterwards, telling her the truth about Wickham, and my reasons for separating Bingley from her sister. If she believed it, if she did not tear it up without reading it, then perhaps she no longer thinks quite so ill of me, though that does me little good now." "What - do you mean to tell me that you are giving up on her so easily?" asked Colonel Fitzwilliam in surprise. "What other choice do I have? I have told her what I can say in my own defense, and as for the rest, I can try to change my behavior, but she will never see the results; I hardly think it likely that our paths will cross again." "You could go to her - let her see you as you really are. Perhaps your letter did change her opinion, but you will never know unless you make the effort; it is not as if she can write to you, nor can she call on you or attempt to move into your social circles. You cannot expect her to just appear on your doorstep one day." "You do not understand. I am quite resigned to never seeing her again," Darcy said wearily, his words causing a wrenching pain inside him. "She has made it quite clear that she dislikes me, and frankly, I think she is right to do so. I do not deserve her love." "Good God, if your father had thought the way you do, you would never have been born! How many times did he propose to your mother before she accepted him?" "That is hardly the same. When she refused him, she told him it was because she was already promised to another, not that he was the last man on earth that she could ever be prevailed upon to marry!" "I still say your father would have told you to keep trying, if you love her that much." Darcy ran his fingers through his hair. "I cannot," he said grimly. "She holds too much against me." "You have defended yourself against whatever Wickham charged you with, and presumably Bingley and her sister have their chance to work things out now. Do you think she will not be able to see what you have done?" he challenged, increasingly frustrated with Darcy's self-pity. 11

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Bingley knows nothing of this." "You haven't told him that you were mistaken? Why ever not?" "Fitzwilliam, he would be justifiably furious with me." "So you leave him suffering?" he said with some incredulity. "My apologies; you were right all along, and you should give up now. You certainly do not deserve her." He set his glass down carefully, and stood to leave. "And be careful with the port; you haven't the head for it. Good night, cousin." Darcy reflected bleakly that he had not even told him his most dishonorable reason for not talking to Bingley - that if Bingley married Jane Bennet, Darcy would perforce have at least occasional contact with her family, and would someday be subjected to the agony of seeing Elizabeth married to another man. He cradled his head in his hands, wondering if it were indeed possible to feel any worse than he did now. Georgiana anxiously awaited the arrival of Colonel Fitzwilliam in the breakfast room the next morning. Knowing he had been up late talking with her brother, she was hopeful he would have some kind of information for her. When he finally arrived, she barely let him sit down before beginning her questioning. "Did he tell you anything?" "Good morning to you, too, Georgiana," he responded. "Please, I will need some sustenance before tackling difficult discussions. And I would advise against trying to talk to your brother this morning; he should have the dickens of a headache when he finally wakes up." "Actually, he has been awake for some time and has already gone out." He looked at her in surprise. "Where would he go at this hour of the morning?" Georgiana shrugged. "To see Bingley, apparently. I told him I thought it was a little early for social calls, and he said he thought it was actually rather late, whatever that may mean at seven in the morning." "To see Bingley, eh? Good for him; maybe there's some hope for the boy after all," he said thoughtfully. Georgiana sighed dramatically. "Are you going to be mysterious as well?" He laughed. "Afraid so, sweetheart. I did get him to talk, but I believe that what I heard is confidential. You are just going to have to trust your old Cousin Richard to take care of it this time, at least insofar as he allows me to help." 12

THE RULE OF REASON "I hate it when you treat me as if I were still only eleven," she said with a scowl. "You can be even worse than William as far as that goes." "Worse than William in what way?" asked Darcy from the doorway. Startled, she said, "Back already? Was he not at home?" "Oh, he was there, all right. What I had to tell him did not take long," Darcy said somewhat grimly with a sidelong glance at his cousin. "I imagine that even Bingley has little to say this early in the morning," the colonel observed neutrally. "If you say so," responded Darcy with heavy sarcasm. "Don't you have some business in town today, Fitzwilliam? Or even better, some that will take you very far away?" "William!" Georgiana cried. The colonel patted her hand. "No need to worry yourself, sweetheart. This is how your brother and I stay friends, now that we are too old for fistfights." "Speak for yourself, cousin," retorted Darcy. "Given how I feel this morning, you should feel fortunate that it isn't pistols at dawn." "I told you he would be grumpy, did I not?" the colonel asked Georgiana rhetorically. "Never mind, I know when to retreat. It is one of the other things they teach us in the army." "Will you be back for dinner?" she asked. "I expect I will have to dine with the Major General, though the very idea is enough to make me lose my appetite. I should be back in the evening, though." "If you live that long," grumbled Darcy. Colonel Fitzwilliam smiled beatifically. "Glad to know you are feeling better, Darcy." As he left, Georgiana turned to Darcy. "What was that about?" He gave her an oblique look. The last thing he needed was a disagreement with his sister, given that she seemed to be the only person he cared about who still thought he had any redeeming features, now that Bingley had joined Colonel Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth in the ranks of those who were disgusted with him. "Ask me again when you are older - say, after your first grandchild is born." "William, I worry about you," she said softly.

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A bi ga il Rey nolds Her gentleness was more than he could handle. "I appreciate your concern, but you needn't worry. If you will excuse me, I have some business I need to tend to." She watched his retreating back, wondering if he would ever think her old enough to trust. Contrary to his expectations, Colonel Fitzwilliam was able to return to the Darcy home by early afternoon, although he could hardly claim that it was in the best interest of his regiment for him to do so. However, his words to Georgiana notwithstanding, he was in fact rather worried about Darcy's state of mind, and felt it behooved him to be available in case things deteriorated due to the apparent quarrel with Bingley. Thus he found himself penning a long overdue letter to his parents while surreptitiously eyeing his cousin, who was so deeply engrossed in a book as to have completely ceased turning its pages, when the arrival of Mr. Bingley was announced. Without looking up, Darcy said, "Tell him if he wants pistols at dawn, he shall have to wait his turn behind you, Fitzwilliam." "Why pistols? You have choice of weapons if he is challenging, and you could take either of us apart with a rapier," he responded. "Who says I want to win?" said Darcy grimly. "Please stop it, both of you," said Georgiana in a trembling voice. "It isn't funny." Both men looked over at her in concern to see tears in her eyes. The colonel was immediately kneeling by her side. "Georgiana, sweetheart, this is just playing! Dueling is illegal, remember?" "I hate it when you fight," she said faintly. Darcy put his book down. "I apologize, Georgiana; my mood is beastly, and I fear that I am taking it out on Richard, but no, we are not fighting. There really is no need for you to worry. Look, we can be friends," he said, holding out a hand to his cousin. "There is no need to patronize me, William!" she responded with a degree of defiance that startled both gentlemen. "Mr. Bingley," Philips said from the doorway as Bingley entered with his usual eagerness, oblivious to the tension in the room "Colonel Fitzwilliam!" he said with pleasure, advancing to greet him. "I had not known you were in town! And Miss Darcy, how nice to see you again!" He turned to Darcy, whose demeanor suggested that he was expecting at the 14

THE RULE OF REASON very least some form of violence from Bingley, and rocked up on his toes. "Well?" he asked enthusiastically. "Well what?" Darcy's voice was carefully neutral. Bingley smiled broadly as if this were a foolish question. "Are you coming to Netherfield with me, or not?" There was a minute of silence as Darcy carefully regarded Bingley, oblivious to his cousin's sudden attention. "Is it your wish that I come with you?" he asked stiffly. "Of course!" Bingley said earnestly. "You really must come, you know." Colonel Fitzwilliam whispered something to Georgiana that caused her to look at him in some surprise, but Darcy and Bingley were oblivious to the exchange. "I suppose I could come for a short while," Darcy said slowly, as if the words had to be pulled out of him. "Excellent, excellent!" Bingley was clearly delighted. "May I come as well?" Georgiana's voice came timidly. Darcy looked at her in surprise. It was rare enough for her to say anything in company, and making such a request in public was completely novel. "I am not sure that would be such a good idea," he began, thinking of one particular member of the militia billeted at Meryton. "Nonsense," said the colonel energetically. "It will do her a world of good to get out of London during the summer. I could hardly believe you planned to stay here through the hot weather, anyway. That is, if Mr. Bingley has no objections?" "Of course not!" Bingley said hurriedly. "It would be delightful if you would join us, and certainly my sisters will be very pleased to have you there, since they plan to join me there later." "Good, umm... I mean thank you," she said in a near-whisper, clearly having exhausted her store of courage. Darcy opened his mouth to speak, but then limited himself to a significant stare at Colonel Fitzwilliam. "Wonderful!" Bingley said. "Shall we consider our plans?"

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Chapter 2 A fortnight after the removal of the regiment from Meryton, the normal good humour and cheerfulness that had disappeared from Longbourn with the simultaneous departure of the officers and of Lydia began to reappear. The discontentedness of Kitty and Mrs. Bennet had waned, and the families who had been in town for the winter came back again and summer finery and summer engagements arose. Elizabeth was anticipating with pleasure her tour to the Lakes with the Gardiners, and could she have included Jane in the scheme, every part of it would have been perfect. Mrs. Bennet was distracted as her querulous spirits were opened again to the agitation of hope, by an article of news, which then began to be in circulation. The housekeeper at Netherfield had received orders to prepare for the arrival of her master, who was coming down in a day or two. Mrs. Bennet was quite in the fidgets. She looked at Jane, and smiled, and shook her head by turns. Elizabeth did not know what to make of the news, but found her mind traveling to the events in Kent and wondering what role Mr. Darcy might have played in the return of his friend to Hertfordshire. Had her information regarding the state of Jane's affections caused him to reconsider his interference, and perhaps even to take action to reverse it? She had studied every sentence of his letter, and her feelings towards its writer were at times widely different. When she remembered the style of his address, she was still full of indignation; but when she considered how unjustly she had condemned and upbraided him, 16

THE RULE OF REASON her anger was turned against herself; and his disappointed feelings became the object of compassion. His attachment excited gratitude, his general character respect; but she could not approve him; nor could she for a moment repent her refusal, or feel the slightest inclination ever to see him again. Yet should he, in fact, be the instrument which reunited Bingley and Jane, such an effort could not but be rewarded by a certain warming of her regard; but when she recalled that such an effort would not have been required had he not interfered in the first place, her thoughts toward him bent further toward resentment. She did not consider it likely that she would encounter him again, except perhaps in passing should Jane and Bingley someday be so fortunate as to mend their relationship and marry. She could not but imagine that he would avoid her in any way possible after her behavior in Hunsford, and so did not consider the possibility that he might again accompany his friend to Netherfield. It was with the greatest of surprise and agitation, then, that she heard Kitty's intelligence that Bingley was coming to Longbourn to pay his respects accompanied by none other than Mr. Darcy. On hearing this news, Jane looked at Elizabeth with surprise and concern, feeling the awkwardness which must attend her sister, in seeing him for the first time after receiving his explanatory letter. Both sisters were uncomfortable enough. Each felt for the other, and of course for themselves. Elizabeth sat intently at her work, striving to be composed, and casting about for an idea as to how to handle the forthcoming meeting. She did not dare lift up her eyes, till anxious curiosity carried them to the face of her sister, as the servant was approaching the door. Jane looked a little paler than usual, but more sedate than Elizabeth had expected. On the gentlemen's appearing, her colour increased; yet she received them with tolerable ease, and with a propriety of behaviour equally free from any symptom of resentment, or any unnecessary complaisance. Elizabeth said as little to either as civility would allow, and sat down again to her work, with an eagerness which it did not often command. She had ventured only one glance at Darcy, and was more than surprised to see him entering into conversation with her mother, inquiring very civilly as to her health and recent events at Longbourn. Her mother, looking both pleased and startled by this unexpected attention, was clearly most flattered by it and received him with a degree of warmth which embarrassed her daughter. Although Elizabeth barely dared to look up again, she followed with great anxiety his progress through the room to the point of neglecting to notice 17

A bi ga il Rey nolds Bingley's approach of Jane, and she was further surprised to see him engaging her sister Mary on the subject of music, noting that his sister had recently begun learning a piece by Mozart that he remembered Mary performing when he had been in Hertfordshire last, and drawing a pleasing comparison between the devotion to practice of the two young women. Mary, sufficiently taken aback by this approach so as to be unable to so much as afford a moral platitude appropriate to the situation, was driven to the extremity of actually responding to the subject at hand, and managed to make at least one intelligent comment regarding the music of Mozart. Elizabeth's astonishment was extreme; and continually was she repeating, 'Why is he so altered? From what can it proceed? It cannot be for me, it cannot be for my sake that his manners are thus softened. My reproofs at Hunsford could not work such a change as this.' Her heart was racing with apprehension that he would approach her, and she knew not how to look or to behave when he, as she had feared, seated himself by her and addressed her directly. "Miss Bennet, it is a pleasure to see you again," he said, in a voice that was perhaps not quite so calm as it might have been, yet with a civility that could not be denied. She hardly knew how to respond, but managed to say, "You are most welcome back to Hertfordshire, sir. I hope you find it pleasing at this time of year." Bringing all of her courage to the fore, she forced herself to look up at him, and felt a slight shock from his nearness as her eyes met his. Underneath the amiable look on his face, she could see that he was as nervous as she at this meeting, and she resolved that she would at least show that she could match civility for civility. "Yes, it is a most refreshing change from the airs of London. I must confess that I tend to prefer the countryside to the city, but never more than during the warmth of the summer," he replied, inwardly cursing his inability to make intelligent conversation under these circumstances. He had done quite well, he thought, with her family, but those were comments he had carefully prepared in advance and utilized as if following a script. "I cannot say that I have spent any significant time in town during the summer, but certainly it is a time that I enjoy taking walks and admiring the scenery," she said, then wished she could retract her words as she realized that her reference to walks might be considered a reminder of their time at Rosings. She cast about desperately for a more neutral topic of conversation, and was 18

THE RULE OF REASON amused when she realized that they were already discussing that safest of topics, the weather. Relieved to see her smile, he continued, "Yes, I recall that you are a great walker, Miss Bennet. I would imagine that there would be many pleasant summertime rambles to be found, although certainly each season presents its own unique charms." The ludicrous aspects of their strained conversation began to outweigh her anxiety, and she said slyly, "Yes, I would have to say, on reflection, sir, that summer is indeed one of my four favorite seasons." He let out a startled laugh which he quickly covered with steepled fingers. "It is always refreshing to talk to a young lady of such decided preferences." This time when she met his eyes it was with a distinct feeling of relief, that they had negotiated a difficult passage and established that they could indeed hold a conversation without hurling acrimonious insults and accusations at one another. She was glad of it, for certainly Bingley and Jane would have no chance at all if she and Darcy were in continual conflict. They sat briefly in a silence that was at first harmonious but became increasingly uncomfortable as the minutes passed, until Elizabeth took it on herself to break it by asking whether Mr. Bingley's sisters had accompanied them to Netherfield. "Not at present, although I believe that they have plans to join us in some days," he responded. "There is one member of our present party though whom you have not met, and who particularly wishes to be known to you. Will you allow me, or do I ask too much, to introduce my sister to your acquaintance during our stay at Netherfield?" The surprise of such an application was great, but, while it was gratifying to know that his resentment had not made him think really ill of her, it added a degree of intimacy to their meeting that Elizabeth did not yet feel ready to accommodate. It seemed to move the conversation from establishing an ability to remain sufficiently civil as to allow necessary social intercourse to an attempt at furthering their connection, and she was far from certain about how she felt about such a plan, or what he might mean by it. However, she could see no grounds for objecting to the introduction, and thinking that more contact between Longbourn and Netherfield could not but improve Jane's chances with Bingley, she responded, "I would be glad to make her acquaintance, if she wishes. I hope Miss Darcy is enjoying her visit to Hertfordshire." 19

A bi ga il Rey nolds "I believe that she is, although she has not had much time to form an opinion. I confess that she has not gone far beyond Netherfield, but now that I am informed that the militia is decamped from Meryton, I will feel more free to take her out." Darcy had noted her brief hesitation before agreeing to the introduction and, although disappointed by it, reminded himself forcefully that this new beginning would have to be taken very slowly and with great care if it were to have any chance of success, and God knew he wanted it to be successful. He had managed to keep some degree of reservation regarding this attempt right up until the moment when he walked into the room and saw her, with her fine eyes downcast and her cheeks covered with rosy blushes, and almost immediately he was more lost than ever, and prepared to do whatever it took to earn her affection. "Yes, the departure of the militia was a relief to me as well," she noted, wondering if he would hear the underlying message that she had believed his words about Wickham, "although I cannot say that everyone in my family is in agreement with that sentiment." Elizabeth took a moment to observe her sister deep in conversation with Bingley, whose face displayed such delight and pleasure that it was clear that his heart was as much hers as ever. She wondered how the gentleman beside her was feeling about the developments in that regard, and whether he would support Bingley's desires this time, or again seek to undermine the match. "How long do you plan to stay at Netherfield?" she asked, then realized that such a question could easily be misinterpreted. "As long as necessary." Darcy reflexively responded with his true thoughts before realizing the extent to which his answer exposed him and might antagonize her. Again cursing his loss of coherent thought when confronted with Elizabeth Bennet, he watched in agony for her reaction, and stumbled to undo the damage. "That is to say, Bingley is hoping to stay, umm, probably through the summer, but there are a number of factors he has to take into consideration, and my plans are not completely fixed." The effect of his words on Elizabeth was confusing; she felt a combination of an odd excitement and a certain distrust, wondering if he could possibly mean what she thought, of whether she might be misinterpreting his words. It was impossible to forget his words at their last conversation: You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you. She was far from insensible of the compliment of such a man's affection, and the consideration that his regard for her could be sufficiently great as to overcome the natural 20

THE RULE OF REASON resentment he must feel for her behavior at Hunsford as to allow a renewal of his addresses could not but inspire a certain degree of gratitude on her part, no matter how unequal she might feel in her response to him. She wondered if she was reading too much into a few simple words, and hardly knowing how to reply, eventually concluded that it was wisest to avoid any acknowledgement of his possible meanings. Fortunately, an appropriate distraction came to mind. "I have had the good fortune to be invited to accompany my aunt and uncle from London on a tour of the Lakes this summer." "That sounds to be a very pleasant prospect. The Lakes are very beautiful; I imagine that you will enjoy them greatly." "You have visited them yourself, then, Mr. Darcy?" "Indeed, I have been fortunate enough to have made that journey twice; once when I was young, and again some ten years ago in the company of my late father. It is, of course, a much shorter journey from Derbyshire than from here, so it was less of an undertaking. The scenery is quite as sublime as everyone says. I recall from my first trip that my mother was especially taken by the views; she was a passionate lover of nature in all of its wilder manifestations. I was still a bit young to appreciate it then, myself." "And when you were older -- what did you think of it then?" "By the time of my second journey, I was far more able to appreciate the beauties for myself, but perhaps less predisposed to enjoy them, as the trip was a difficult one for my father in that it brought back memories of my mother's delight in the area." "He must have been quite devoted to her," she said, touched by the personal nature of his recollections. It was a moment before Darcy spoke. "Yes, their affection for one another was exemplary." How had she allowed their discussion to touch on such private matters? Elizabeth's anxiety returned in full force. She fiercely renewed her attention to her needlework, with the unsurprising result that her needle promptly found its way into her finger. With a muffled exclamation of pain and embarrassment, she raised the injured finger to her lips, completely unaware of the arousing effect that this simple everyday gesture would have on Darcy. "When is your journey due to begin?" he asked, desperately trying to distract his attention from her lips. "We leave at the end of June," she replied, relieved to return to safer ground. 21

A bi ga il Rey nolds Almost three weeks, then, he thought. Enough time to make a start, if all goes well. The gentlemen soon rose to go away, and Mrs. Bennet, mindful of her intended civility, invited them to dine at Longbourn in a few days time. "You are quite a visit in my debt, Mr. Bingley," she added, "for when you went to town last winter, you promised to take a family dinner with us, as soon as you returned. I have not forgot, you see; and I assure you, I was very much disappointed that you did not come back and keep your engagement." Bingley looked a little silly at this reflection, and said something of his concern, at having been prevented by business. They then went away, leaving Mrs. Bennet free to dissect every word of Bingley's during the course of the afternoon. She was very pleased with how things had gone off, and made many happy predictions for his future with Jane. Elizabeth, too caught up in her own thoughts to come to Jane's rescue, hardly attended until she heard Darcy's name. "What I want to know," said Kitty, tossing her head with a laugh, "is who that pleasant, polite man who looked just like Mr. Darcy was. What could have come over him?" "Perhaps he has studied the errors of his past behavior, and sought to improve himself," responded Mary, who had clearly been quite won over by his recollection of her musical skills. "We should all admire such attempts when they are guided by reason, and could look to him as an example that we all could bear to follow."

22

THE RULE OF REASON

Chapter 3

As soon as she was able, Elizabeth walked out to recover her spirits; or in other words, to dwell without interruption on those subjects that must agitate them more. She puzzled over why he had come, first inclining to believe that it was to watch over Bingley, but then guided by her instincts to believe that it related more to her. But how could a man of such pride bring himself to approach her after her insulting behavior? His changed behavior to her family seemed to suggest that he had taken her reproofs to heart, but she did not want to assume too much. Her own feelings were less a mystery to her. She was complimented, to be certain, that he apparently valued her opinion to the extent of heeding her reproofs and altering his behavior, but could see no reason that this should alter her opinion of him. She had previously felt no desire to see him again; and no reason to change that attitude had been offered, apart from the emotions stirred by the possibility of his steadfastness. But was his having feelings for her any reason for her to change her estimation of him? She resolved to think no more about him until she had more sense of his intentions, but this proved to be a resolution which she could manage to keep for no more than a short time at best, as thoughts of him kept intruding at odd moments. She did not expect to see him again until Tuesday, when he and Bingley were engaged to dine with them, but was somehow unsurprised when two days later he rode up to her as she was walking through the countryside. As she saw him approach, unable to avoid noticing the fine figure he cut on 23

A bi ga il Rey nolds horseback, she resolved to meet him with composure and civility for Jane's sake, but found her pulses racing as he swung off his horse and drew near her. "Mr. Darcy," she murmured as he bowed. "Miss Bennet," he said. "This is indeed a fortuitous meeting. I had just been thinking that there was a matter on which I wished to consult with you." She smiled playfully. "One can hardly call it fortuitous, sir, to encounter me on a ramble on such a fine day as this one; it is more a foregone conclusion, I would say." From the brief look that passed over his face, her attempt at lighthearted conversation had apparently hit an unintended mark. She wondered whether he had indeed been looking for an opportunity to encounter her alone, and was conscious that her cheeks were warm. "It does seem that we both have a propensity to enjoy the air," he responded. "May I join you?" "If you indeed wish to consult with me, it would seem a wise idea," she said gravely. He glanced down at her, noting that she had neatly avoided stating an opinion on his presence, and wondering whether it was mere politeness that precluded her from refusing his company. The wrenching sensation this thought caused was almost enough to lead him to abandon the effort, but he forcefully reminded himself of his intention to show her that he had changed. "It is regarding my sister that I wished to speak with you," he forced himself to say, a little stiffly, he thought. "As I mentioned to you, she is anxious to make your acquaintance, Miss Bennet, but I am somewhat reluctant to bring her to Longbourn to make the introduction, as I am concerned that she would find the situation difficult to manage." Elizabeth felt a swell of disappointment. I should have known better than to think he would truly change, she thought. I can well imagine that he would not wish to expose his sister to the defects of my family and our intolerable social connections. "Indeed, Mr. Darcy, I can suppose that she, like some others, might find me more appealing in the absence of my family," she said tartly. Darcy turned to her in obvious distress. "Miss Bennet, I fear that you have mistaken my meaning entirely. I hope that Georgiana will meet your family very soon." Aware that he was stumbling badly in his attempt to convey himself, and fearing that he had already lost any the ground he might have gained, he said, "May I speak frankly, Miss Bennet?" 24

THE RULE OF REASON "You may be as frank as you please, Mr. Darcy; I doubt that there can be worse than what I have already heard in the past," she said, growing more heated by the minute. Darcy cursed himself silently. "Miss Bennet, I do not deny that I richly deserve your reproaches for what I have said in the past," he said with all the humility he could muster. "But I beg of you to listen to what I am saying now. My sister is quite painfully shy. She finds it extremely difficult to speak with people she does not know, and is accustomed to a very quiet life. If I were to bring her to Longbourn, or any other household full of unknown lively people who are unafraid to speak their minds, I can guarantee you that she would be unable to say a word, and would leave convinced of everyone's dislike of her. I very much would like her to get to know you, but I cannot see any way to accomplish this unless I can find a more quiet way for you to become acquainted." Aware that his words were rushing out of him with some desperation, he forced himself to pause, and realized how forceful and demanding he must have sounded. Her silence told him that he had failed, and that his hopes of forgiveness were in vain. Sick at heart, he forced himself to say, "I apologize, Miss Bennet, for my clumsy words. I have obviously made a misjudgment in broaching this matter. I assure you that no offense was intended, and I am sorry to have caused you any distress. I shall no longer disrupt your morning; please be assured that I shall not trouble you again." With a formal bow, he turned to leave. Elizabeth was heartily ashamed of herself. To have jumped to the conclusion she had could perhaps have been understood, but to not allow the poor man a chance to explain himself before she began abusing him yet again had she not learned anything from that humiliating experience at Hunsford? Was she forever to be misjudging this man? "Mr. Darcy," she said quietly, her eyes on the ground, "I am the one who needs to apologize, for the misjudgment was mine. I clearly arrived at an unwarranted conclusion and should not have said what I did. If you are still willing, I would like to hear what you have to say." Elizabeth could not bring herself to look up, but had she done so, she would have seen Darcy stop at her words, and a look of great relief come over his face. He took a moment to collect himself, and then said, "I would like that as well, Miss Bennet." 25

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Perhaps you could tell me in what kind of setting Miss Darcy is most likely to be comfortable," Elizabeth said in a somewhat subdued voice as they began to walk again. "I had hoped that perhaps you might be willing to come to Netherfield to meet her," he suggested tentatively. "Then, perhaps, once she knows you, I could try bringing her to Longbourn." "I would be happy to come to Netherfield, sir. Would you care to suggest a convenient time?" Elizabeth's eyes were still downcast. "Miss Bennet," said Darcy in a tone of emotion. "At the moment I would far rather say how sorry I am to have distressed you, and to ask if there is anything I can do to ameliorate the situation." Elizabeth looked up at him with a hint of a smile. "Your aunt, Lady Catherine, condescended to tell me on several occasions that I would never play the pianoforte really well unless I practiced more; by that measure, I must be developing true virtuosity in the art of feeling ashamed of things I have said to you, since I have had a great deal of practice at it recently." "The difference, perhaps, being that I derive a great deal of pleasure in listening to you play pianoforte," replied Darcy, "while I would far rather not have you berate yourself, especially since your response was quite understandable given some of the insufferable things I have said to you in the past. I have acknowledged to myself the truth of the reproofs you made in April and I have attempted to attend to those matters, but I realize that you have no cause to believe that as yet." Elizabeth could not begin to imagine how much those words must have cost a man of such pride. "There was also a great deal of untruth in the accusations I made that day, though I did not realize it at the time, and I feel I should apologize to you for believing without question the falsehoods of Mr. Wickham. Ever since reading your letter, I have felt quite ashamed of my lack of discernment in that regard." "I am well aware, Miss Bennet, that Mr. Wickham's manners are such as to be most persuasive when he so chooses. Had I told you immediately upon seeing him in Meryton what I knew of his past, the situation could not have arisen, but since I have thought it beneath me to lay my private actions open to the world, I have no one to blame but myself for your misunderstanding." "Sir, you are very harsh upon yourself, and seem to expect me to take no responsibility at all for making misjudgments of my own." 26

THE RULE OF REASON "Have I no reason to be harsh upon myself? Since you are apologizing for what you see as your errors, should I not express regret for my abominable condescension and ungentleman-like behavior? I do not do so, Miss Bennet, not because I do not believe there to be cause, but because I do not believe any apology to be within my power other than to demonstrate that I have seen the error of my ways." "We had best not quarrel for the greater share of blame annexed to that evening," said Elizabeth. "The conduct of neither, if strictly examined, will be irreproachable; but I must and will hold myself responsible for the errors I have made, despite your generous attempts to exculpate me, sir." "Miss Bennet," he said gravely, "perhaps we could demonstrate that we have both improved in civility since that time by agreeing to begin anew and attempting to get to know one another without preconceptions, rather than continuing to blame ourselves for allowing prejudgments to affect us in the past." If she refuses this, I know not what I shall do; now that I have seen her again, how can I face accepting that she will never be mine? he thought, awaiting her response with trepidation. Elizabeth could not but be aware of the significance of his request, but was torn as to what her response should be. She was relieved to have cleared the slate by expressing her regrets to him, and would be pleased by a cessation of hostilities, for the sake of Jane and Bingley if nothing else. But did she wish to allow anything more? She could not imagine developing a tender regard for Mr. Darcy, and thought it would be cruel to raise any false hopes in him, yet was also aware that refusing this overture which he had clearly come all the way to Hertfordshire to make would certainly be hurtful as well, and she was beginning to appreciate that he was a man of greater depth than she had realized in Kent. Glancing up at him, she saw a drawn look that clearly bespoke the tension that he was feeling, and discovered that she had less capacity to disregard his feelings than she would have thought. "I believe that you are correct in your assessment, sir, and I would be willing to entertain the possibility that we might yet be friends, but as I do not wish to raise any hopes for any future understanding that might come from it, I would ask you to reconsider whether this is a path you really wish to tread," she finally said, gazing into the clouds in the distance, wondering how she would feel if he in fact demurred. At least she did not refuse completely, he thought, surely that must be promising. Her statement was disappointing in its view of the future, but he 27

A bi ga il Rey nolds could not forget that she had made an effort to resolve their earlier misunderstanding at some cost to her own pride, when it would have been far easier for her to simply let him go. He wondered whether her actions spoke louder than her words in this case, or whether they were no more than a manifestation of a sense of honor which would not permit her to leave him under a misconception. He could not be certain, but perhaps it was enough simply to be allowed to be with her for now. Yes, it was enough, more than enough. "I believe that I shall take my chances, Miss Bennet," he said finally. Elizabeth felt a not completely unpleasant sort of tension from his response. She had not thought that he would be so open about his intentions -any other gentleman of her acquaintance would have agreed to trying to be friends, she thought, and not suggested a desire for more at this stage. What was it he had said at Hunsford? Disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Clearly, she would need to accustom herself to a greater degree of frankness than she usually encountered. "I do not know whether you are brave, foolhardy, or both, Mr. Darcy," she said, attempting to lighten the atmosphere. " 'Nothing ventured is nothing gained'," he replied with a smile. " 'Fools rush in where angels fear to tread', Mr. Darcy," she said in lively retort. " 'Fortune favors the brave', Miss Bennet." "Let me see ... 'the fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.' " Darcy smiled wickedly. " 'None but the brave deserves the fair.' " Elizabeth, knowing she had been outdone, asked, "Was that Lovelace?" He lifted an eyebrow. "Dryden, actually." She laughed. "Well, sir, you have bested me for today. I shall have to retire from the field." And I have made the startling discovery that the sober Mr. Darcy does, despite all rumors to the contrary, appear to have a sense of humour. "I believe that I shall claim a penalty, then, and demand that you come to Netherfield to meet my sister," he said. She gave him a sidelong glance. "Right now?" "Unless you are otherwise engaged." She inclined her head with an arch smile. "No, sir, I am not. You may lead on." "I could, Miss Bennet, but it would be foolish, since you no doubt know the route better than I." "A fool who knows his own limitations, then," she said playfully. 28

THE RULE OF REASON "A fool that knows his own heart, at least," came the immediate response. Elizabeth coloured. "I believe the shortest route to Netherfield is that way, Mr. Darcy." And fortunately it is not very far, she thought. Thinking it was high time for a change of subject, she asked him to tell her about his sister, a subject that kept them occupied most of the way to Netherfield. Elizabeth felt somewhat embarrassed arriving at Netherfield in the company of only Mr. Darcy and then entering without a chaperone into a bachelor household. She knew that this would likely occasion some talk among the servants, and hoped none of it would find its way back to Longbourn. She was relieved of these societal concerns when she finally encountered Miss Darcy, who was found in the music room, where she had clearly been practicing the pianoforte. She seemed startled to be interrupted, but gave a quick, bashful smile when Darcy introduced Elizabeth to her. Darcy had certainly not overstated her shyness, Elizabeth thought. "I am delighted to meet you at last, Miss Darcy. Your brother has told me so much about you," she said with her warmest smile. "I am sure he has been far too kind in what he has said," Miss Darcy said softly, "but I am very pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Bennet." "Mr. Darcy tells me that you are very fond of music, and play very well." "Oh, not very well, but I am fond of music." Elizabeth put aside her own sense of discomfort by expending all of her considerable abilities to put Miss Darcy at her ease, and was pleased to discover that underneath her shyness lurked an intelligent young woman eager to have a friend. She was able to entertain her with stories about her sisters, and encouraged her to talk about her time at school. Darcy participated but little in the conversation, seemingly quite content to observe Elizabeth, who found his gaze the more disturbing now that she understood its true nature than when she had thought he watched her only to criticize. As soon as civility would allow, she made her excuses, claiming that she would be needed at home. Miss Darcy stumbled through an invitation to call again soon, which Elizabeth warmly met with an invitation to visit at Longbourn. She stole a sly glance at Darcy to see how he bore the suggestion, but saw no evidence of concern or displeasure. As she rose to leave, Darcy stood and said, "Miss Bennet, may I request the honor of escorting you back to Longbourn?" 29

A bi ga il Rey nolds Elizabeth, taken by surprise by this application, scarcely knew what to say; she would in fact much rather he did not, as she had certainly had enough worry on his account already, but as there was obviously no polite way to decline in front of his sister, she agreed to accept his company. She felt distinctly nervous as they started off, and resolved immediately to behave as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening, which meant of course that it became completely impossible for her to behave in a natural manner. They walked in silence for some time, until Elizabeth, growing uncomfortable, decided that it was better to have conversation. "I enjoyed meeting your sister. She is really quite charming, underneath that shy exterior," she said. "She was clearly quite taken with you. I was pleased to see that she opened up so much to you; it is not that common for her." She stole a sly look at him. "But not, it seems, unheard of; Miss Bingley always claimed to have a close friendship with Miss Darcy." He gave her an amused glance. "Do you believe everything that Miss Bingley says?" "Implicitly," she said, looking up at him artlessly. "Doesn't everyone?" Darcy laughed, delighted that Elizabeth was teasing him again. "Perhaps you should ask Georgiana about that. If she is feeling brave enough, she just might tell you what she thinks of Miss Bingley." "I shall be fascinated, I am sure." He should laugh more often, she thought. It quite changes his demeanor, and makes him look quite handsome. "I will look forward to discovering what sort of student of human nature Miss Darcy is; I somehow suspect that there is more to her than meets the eye." "When she is comfortable enough to speak freely, she does have a great deal to say, and, although I admit to a certain bias, I believe she does have some good insights." "When does she feel comfortable enough to speak freely?" "More rarely than I would like, I confess; she has a rather short list of people she trusts -Colonel Fitzwilliam, her companion, our housekeeper at Pemberley, who practically raised her after our mother died, and one or two others. It is something of a worry." Elizabeth had not meant to open up a delicate topic, and sought a way to change the subject, not realizing that Darcy, who had great hopes for her help in understanding his sister, was actually quite anxious to speak with her about his concerns about Georgiana. She took the opportunity to ask him about the 30

THE RULE OF REASON health of his aunt and his two cousins whom she had met in Kent, which she was able to expand into an exposition of his extended family, but her patience and her ideas were nearly over by the time they approached Longbourn. With some relief, she said, "Well, Mr. Darcy, I thank you for your company, but I think it might be best for me to continue on by myself, as I do not particularly care to make explanations of your presence to my parents." "By all means, let us not disconcert your parents," he said with a slight air of teasing. She curtsied. "I will bid you good day, then." "Until we meet again, Miss Bennet," he said. Catching her eyes with a serious look, he took her hand and raised it to his lips. Elizabeth felt the shock of his touch linger even after he had departed. What have I done? she asked herself as she walked down the lane to Longbourn. Elizabeth's impatience to acquaint Jane with the events of the day was great, and, wanting her advice on one particular point, she related to her that night the chief of the scenes between Mr. Darcy and herself. Jane was less than astonished by these revelations, having already surmised that Darcy's presence at Netherfield suggested a continued partiality to her sister. "I simply do not know how to handle his forwardness, Jane," exclaimed Elizabeth. "No sooner had I said that I could offer no more than friendship than he as much as said that he wanted more! Jane, what must I do to convince him that I do not wish for his addresses? Must I be as rude and unfeeling as I was at Hunsford?" "He should, indeed, have respected your request, and not said so much as to make you uncomfortable with his intentions. But consider his disappointment, Lizzy. Are you not grieved for his unhappiness, which must be great indeed for him to venture to re-open your acquaintance? He must be very violently in love with you." "Since you consider his disappointment so touchingly, dearest Jane, I shall consider myself free from the need to think of it at all, since I know that you will do it such ample justice! If you lament over him much longer, my heart will be as light as a feather." "Oh, Lizzy, pray be serious. Does it truly mean nothing to you that he has altered his behavior so strikingly? That he has acknowledged his errors in the manner of his previous proposal? It is not every man who would be willing to do so much." 31

A bi ga il Rey nolds "I did the same in apologizing for my misjudgments, without it meaning aught but that I dislike being in the wrong! Why should he not do the same?" "Was it truly only disliking being in the wrong that led you to call him back when he was leaving? Truly, Lizzy, I think that you are not as indifferent to Mr. Darcy as you would like to believe." Elizabeth thought of the indescribable sensation she had felt when he kissed her hand. Slowly she said, "I cannot claim that the compliment of his affections is unfelt, but how can it be more than that when I have always disliked him, and have no startling new reason to change that opinion?" Jane sighed. "Lizzy, I have never understood why you thought so ill of him in the first place, and it certainly seems to me that his behavior has been perfectly gentlemanly since his arrival if, as you say, somewhat forward." Because I hold him responsible for destroying your happiness with his influence over Mr. Bingley. "Jane, since you can think nothing but good of everyone, his being in your good graces does not give much of a recommendation." "Can you think of nothing good about him? Come, I challenge you to find some positive feature in him - even you, dearest Lizzy, must be able to find one or two!" She studied her reflection in the mirror. "He clearly cares a great deal for his sister. He appears to take his responsibilities seriously, even when it means visiting Lady Catherine, which is a cruel fate indeed. He is well-read. He is willing to admit when he is wrong, at least when he is sufficiently motivated to do so. There, that is four good features, and you asked only for one or two. But he is also ill-tempered, arrogant, condescending, controlling, lacking in social graces, and he values only wealth and social status. Like Miss Bingley, he is all too happy to obtain his pleasure by demeaning others. Is that not enough?" "It seems to me that you are very harsh on him," said Jane with a smile. "I wonder which of us you are trying to convince. By the by, I think that even you would have to add that he is constant, honest, and valued highly by his friends. You will, of course, do as you wish, but it seems to me that perhaps you do not know him as well as you should if you are to make some sort of decision, and, since he seems determined for you to know him better, perhaps your best course would be to wait and let matters take their course. If, in time, you still feel about him as you do now, why, nothing is lost for you, and he could hardly claim that you led him on." 32

THE RULE OF REASON With a sigh, Elizabeth said, "You are, as always, annoyingly reasonable, and since I will be leaving with the Gardiners in little more than a fortnight, it would appear that I am not risking much." Then why do I have a foreboding that it will not be as simple as it sounds? Her mirror provided no answers.

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Chapter 4 They did not see the gentlemen again till Tuesday; and Mrs. Bennet, in the meanwhile, was giving way to all the happy schemes, which the good humour and common politeness of Bingley, in half an hour's visit, had revived. On Tuesday there was a large party assembled at Longbourn; and the two who were most anxiously expected, to the credit of their punctuality as sportsmen, were in very good time. When they repaired to the dining-room, Elizabeth eagerly watched to see whether Bingley would take the place, which, in all their former parties, had belonged to him, by her sister. Her prudent mother, occupied by the same ideas, forbore to invite him to sit by herself. On entering the room, he seemed to hesitate; but Jane happened to look round, and happened to smile: it was decided. He placed himself by her. His behaviour to her sister was such, during dinner time, as showed an admiration of her, which, though more guarded than formerly, persuaded Elizabeth, that if left wholly to himself, Jane's happiness, and his own, would be speedily secured. Though she dared not depend upon the consequence, she yet received pleasure from observing his behaviour. It gave her all the animation that her spirits could boast; for she was in no cheerful humour. While her feelings on seeing Mr. Darcy were decidedly mixed, she could not help but be aware of him, and she was distressed to find that he was seated on one side of Mrs. Bennet and almost as far from her as the table could divide them,. Observing closely, Elizabeth noted that he had lost none of his recent civility toward her mother, but was mortified to see her mother's flirtatious response to his consideration. 34

THE RULE OF REASON She wondered whether the evening would afford some opportunity of bringing Darcy to her, or whether the whole of the visit would not pass away without enabling them to enter into something more of conversation than the mere ceremonious salutation attending his entrance. Anxious and uneasy, the period which passed in the drawing-room, before the gentlemen came, was wearisome and dull to a degree that almost made her uncivil, yet she could not determine whether she most feared for or wished his appearance. . The gentlemen came; and she thought he looked toward her, but the ladies had crowded round the table, where Miss Bennet was making tea, and Elizabeth pouring out the coffee, in so close a confederacy that there was not a single vacancy near her which would admit of a chair. And on the gentlemen's approaching, one of the girls moved closer to her than ever, and said, in a whisper, "The men shan't come and part us, I am determined. We want none of them; do we?" Darcy had walked away to another part of the room, but followed her with his eyes, and she was unsurprised by his bringing back his coffee cup himself. She was determined to be composed, and said, "I hope your sister is well?" "Yes, she is enjoying a quiet evening to herself. She was happy to make your acquaintance, and hopes that you will visit again." "It would be my pleasure; she is a very sweet girl." She could think of nothing more to say, and they stood in silence for some minutes. "Miss Bennet, I recall that when you were in Kent, you were partial to early morning walks. Is it a pleasure you continue at home?" The memory of their meetings in the grove at Rosings, which she had thought to be accidental, came to her. "When I am able, and the weather permits, I still enjoy an early ramble." "Perhaps, since you know the neighborhood so well, you could recommend some walks to me." Her pulses fluttered in response to this evident request for an assignation, and she recalled her agreement to acquaint herself further with him. Certainly, it would be best if that were not done under her mother's eye; heaven itself could not protect her if Mrs. Bennet became aware that Mr. Darcy and his ten thousand pounds a year had intentions toward her daughter. Yet it should be nowhere too private; the warmth in his eyes when he looked at her did not predispose her to a sense of security regarding his behavior. "The walk to 35

A bi ga il Rey nolds Oakham Mount is pleasant at this time of year," she said, and gave the directions from Netherfield. His face warmed becomingly as he allowed himself a slight smile. "My thanks for the advice, Miss Bennet." She found herself caught by his intent gaze, and had to force herself to look away. Clearly he had no intention of observing the fiction that he was interested primarily in her friendship. When the tea-things were removed, and the card tables placed, she felt rather relieved by seeing him fall a victim to her mother's rapacity for whist players, and in a few moments after seated with the rest of the party. They were confined for the evening at different tables, but his eyes were so often turned towards her side of the room, as to make him play unsuccessfully. Mrs. Bennet had designed to keep the two Netherfield gentlemen to supper; but their carriage was unluckily ordered before any of the others, and she had no opportunity of detaining them. "Well girls," said she, as soon as they were left to themselves, "What say you to the day? I think every thing has passed off uncommonly well, I assure you. The dinner was as well dressed as any I ever saw. The venison was roasted to a turn -- and everybody said they never saw so fat a haunch. The soup was fifty times better than what we had at the Lucases' last week; and even Mr. Darcy acknowledged, that the partridges were remarkably well done; and I suppose he has two or three French cooks at least. And, my dear Jane, I never saw you look in greater beauty." Mrs. Bennet, in short, was in very great spirits; she had seen enough of Bingley's behaviour to Jane, to be convinced that she would get him at last; and her expectations of advantage to her family, when in a happy humour, were so far beyond reason, that she was quite disappointed at not seeing him there again the next day, to make his proposals. Elizabeth, meanwhile was thrown into a discomfiture of spirits which kept sleep away for some time, and for every thought she had of Darcy's reformed behavior, she thought even more of being able to escape this anxiety on her trip to the Lakes. Only two weeks, she reminded herself. By the end of the following morning, Elizabeth was fully convinced of the impossibility of becoming friends with a man whose every look bespoke desire for far more than companionship. No matter how innocent the conversation and it ranged from books to music to nature - she found herself flushing alternately hot and cold, and excruciatingly aware of the nature of Darcy's interest in her. Instead of being invigorated by the walk, she felt on edge and 36

THE RULE OF REASON nervous, and it was to this that she attributed her agreement on their return to pay a visit to Miss Darcy, when in fact she desired nothing more than to return home. Nonetheless, she was able to enjoy her visit with Miss Darcy, and appreciated that her brother left them to themselves, instead of hovering protectively over his sister as Elizabeth had half-expected him to do. It would have been unnecessary, in any case; Miss Darcy brought out the protective instincts in Elizabeth as well, and she could readily understand why her brother worried as much as he did about her, and could see why she would have been an easy target for the likes of Mr. Wickham. When the conversation turned to how Georgiana liked Hertfordshire, she discovered that the younger girl had actually had little chance to see the area, having spent almost all her time at Netherfield. "Well, I can see that I shall have to convince you to take some walks with me, so that you can see some of the local sights. Although they may not be as dramatic as what Derbyshire has to offer, they are still well worth the seeing." Georgiana's face lit up. "That would be delightful! I have wanted to explore, but since I do not know the area, I have been afraid of losing myself." "Why, it sounds as if Mr. Darcy has been quite neglecting you!" Elizabeth teased. "I see that I shall have to have words with him." "Oh, no!," cried Georgiana with a look of alarm, quite unaccustomed to anyone making sport of Darcy. "He always does anything I ask; he is far too good to me. I just have not wanted to .... trouble him. He is doing so much better than he was in London, and that is more than enough to make me happy." "I assure you that I was only teasing, Miss Darcy; I am well aware of your brother's devotion to you," Elizabeth said with what she hoped was a reassuring manner, but inwardly somewhat amused by the gravity in which her charges had been taken. Perhaps seriousness was a Darcy family trait, she thought. Georgiana looked relieved. "Oh, I am glad. I just would not want him to feel guilty in any way, not now, not about me. I am afraid that I have been a great trial to him of late." "I can hardly imagine that," said Elizabeth warmly. After all, I believe that it has been my role to be a trial to him of late. "Oh, it is quite true. He has been so unhappy lately, and I have been so worried about him, and it is all my fault. You see," she hesitated for a moment, and then plunged ahead. "I did something, made a terrible lapse of judgment 37

A bi ga il Rey nolds last summer, and it upset him a great deal, although he never said one word of reproach to me, but I can see that it weighs on him, and these last two months have been terrible. He has been so withdrawn, and so unhappy, so you see why I do not want to cause him any trouble, not now that he finally seems to have been able to forget it a little. But I'm sorry, Miss Bennet, I should not be telling you all of my problems; please forgive me." She looked down, clearly most embarrassed by her confession. Oh, dear, thought Elizabeth. What a tangled web we weave! She placed her hand over Georgiana's. "There is nothing to forgive, my dear. I am honored that you feel able to tell me your worries. But I think that you blame yourself far too much; I feel sure there are many things in your brother's life that might be disturbing to him of which you may be unaware, and whatever has upset him these last two months probably has nothing at all to do with you," she said, feeling abominably guilty as she suspected that she knew all too well the true cause of Mr. Darcy's distress. Georgiana shook her head wordlessly, tears in her eyes. Elizabeth sighed, deeply torn as to the proper course of action. "Now I am afraid it is my turn for a confession, and I hope that you will be able to bear with me, since it forces me to violate a confidence, and I must request that you not ask me questions about it so that I may protect as much of that confidence as I can. You see, as it happens I do know why your brother has been upset these last two months, and while I may not tell you what the cause is, please believe me when I say that it has absolutely nothing in the world to do with you." Her face reflected hopeful disbelief as she turned to Elizabeth. "Truly?" Elizabeth nodded, and, putting her arm around Georgiana as she dried her tears, offered what comfort she could until a few moments later when they were interrupted by the return of Mr. Darcy himself. Darcy, somewhat stunned to find his tearful sister in Elizabeth's arms, opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, and then finally managed a creditable, "Is something the matter?" Elizabeth fervently thought that the Lakes could not be far enough from the Darcy clan to suit her. Drawing with an effort on her best playful and flirtatious manner, she said, "Why, Mr. Darcy, surely you know better than to ask such a question of two ladies who are in each other's confidence! We must have our secrets, you know." With her eyes, she implored him not to ask any further. 38

THE RULE OF REASON Happily, Georgiana took the lead by approaching Darcy and wrapping her arms around him. "Truly, William, everything is fine," she said, with an obvious note of truth in her voice that reflected the relief she had received from Elizabeth's earlier words. Elizabeth could not help but be touched by the tender embrace which Darcy gave his sister, nor but be amused by the baffled look on his face. "Well, then, I am glad to hear it," he said. "I did not, in fact, come in to eavesdrop on your secrets, but to offer the use of the carriage to Miss Bennet, since I realize that we have kept you from home for quite a while, and your family must be wondering what has become of you." "I will accept that offer gratefully" - particularly if it takes me as far away from here as possible -"as even I have had enough walking for the day." The orders being given to prepare the curricle, it was only a short while until Elizabeth was bidding her adieus to Miss Darcy, while Mr. Darcy, who was clearly planning to drive her home, prepared to hand her into the carriage. No sooner were they on the road than Darcy expressed concern regarding his sister's behavior. Elizabeth sighed deeply, quite reluctant to enter onto the topic, but knowing full well that she would be doing Miss Darcy a disservice if she did not, and said, "Mr. Darcy, there is indeed something that I should tell you, but I do not expect that you will be happy to hear this." She felt him stiffen perceptibly, and a glance at his face showed her a frozen look which did not go far to mask a feeling of devastation. Feeling quite out of patience with his singlemindedness regarding her, she placed her hand lightly on his arm and said with some exasperation, "No, it is not that. I am beginning to suspect that jumping to the worst possible conclusion is a Darcy family trait! This is something you will merely dislike greatly, if I read the subject correctly. But pray forgive my bluntness; I seem to have exhausted my entire store of tact for the day with Miss Darcy." The look of relief on his face told her that she had guessed rightly. "Well, then, Miss Bennet, you may do your worst, and I will do my best not to jump to dreadful conclusions," he said lightly, managing somehow to catch her hand in his before she could withdraw it. She took a breath, prepared to protest the action, then decided instead to ignore it and save her energy for the conversation at hand, a conclusion which would have been more practical had his touch not proved to be significantly more distracting than she had anticipated. "Sir, I am afraid that 39

A bi ga il Rey nolds Miss Darcy made several confessions to me, at least one of which I am sure that you would have preferred that I not hear, but since I am concerned for her feelings I feel it appropriate to risk wounding yours by telling you the source of her anxiety, as I am certain that it is one which you will wish to address." "If it concerns Georgiana, I would prefer to know, even if I find it unpleasant," he replied unhesitatingly. "She confided that you have been in a particularly black humour these last two months, and that this is her fault," she began. "Where in God's name did she get that idea?" he exclaimed with more feeling than politeness. "I beg your pardon, Miss Bennet." "She attributes it to a serious lapse of judgment which she made last summer which she feels still impacts on you. She did not give any details, although I assume that we both know to what she was referring. She has been blaming herself acutely for the situation and for being the cause of your distress, and apparently has been afraid to say anything for fear of making matters worse." As she spoke, she saw his face set in grim lines, and feeling that some of his annoyance must be directed towards her, she made a tentative attempt to withdraw her hand from his, only to have him tighten his grip. She subsided, and tried to calm herself with thoughts of leaving for the Lakes. No, she decided, the Lakes really were not far enough away. Perhaps the Continent, or the frozen wastes of Russia would do, she thought. No one would have ever heard of the Darcys at the court of the czar. An involuntary smile curved her lips at the thought. Darcy, having regained control of his temper, said, "If there is some humourous aspect of this situation, Miss Bennet, I would appreciate your sharing it, as I could certainly use some laughter." "It was nothing at all," she hastened to reassure him. "I was thinking about the czar of Russia, in fact." He stared at her in momentary disbelief. "I confess that there are moments when you baffle me completely, Miss Bennet." "Thank you," she said gravely. "I do work quite hard at baffling you, and I am glad to know that my efforts are appreciated." He could not help laughing. Despite all the difficulties Elizabeth presented, he could not fault his taste - there really was no other woman like her. That she could on such a short acquaintance elicit from Georgiana something that had been troubling her for months, tell him the unpleasant 40

THE RULE OF REASON truth, and then make him laugh! And she was allowing him to hold her hand, albeit with some ambivalence, if he read her correctly. Thoughtfully, he allowed his thumb to lightly trace circles in her palm, and noted with pleasure that her colour was rising and her eyes dropped. At least she was not completely indifferent to him - surely that was something. Elizabeth herself was unsure whether the sensations coursing through her were more horrifying or pleasurable. How could she respond so strongly to his touch when she was wishing him half the world away? She schooled herself to offer no response that might give away the extent of his effect on her, and consequently forced herself to allow her hand to relax in his, with the unfortunate outcome of allowing his thumb even more scope for its exploration, and that much more latitude for wreaking havoc with her composure. "Thank you for telling me about Georgiana," he said softly. "I do appreciate that it put you in a difficult position, and I apologize for that. I try to do my best with Georgiana, but I must confess that there are times when the mind of a young girl is quite beyond my understanding." "Sometimes a stranger has an advantage in these matters." What was wrong with her, Elizabeth wondered, that she was feeling throughout her whole body the effects of his attentions to her hand? "If it is the right stranger," he allowed. "But I cannot and do not fool myself into thinking that I can offer her everything she needs." "That would seem to be an impossible task. It appears to me that you have done admirably well, given the predicament inherent in the situation of a man of your years trying to raise a girl at the most difficult age." Elizabeth was surprised to realize that she meant it. "It is a continuing challenge," he acknowledged. It would be so much easier with you by my side, he thought. Noting that they were nearing Longbourn, he asked, "May I have the privilege of seeing you tomorrow?" He sounds almost humble, she thought, but I cannot possibly bear to do this again so soon. "I do not believe I can get away in the morning again," she said, and then was shocked to hear herself continue. "Perhaps you and Mr. Bingley might call later in the day." "Thank you," he said softly, and raised her hand to his lips to give it a kiss that was more a caress than a formality. The sensation was exquisite, much though she hated to admit it. She felt enormous relief when she was able to take her leave of him. Feeling drained by her efforts and the unfamiliar sensations he had induced in 41

A bi ga il Rey nolds her, she decided to go straight to her room to refresh herself before facing her mother and sisters, but no sooner had she entered the house than Mrs. Bennet saw her. "Lizzy!" she cried. "There is a letter from your aunt Gardiner about your tour." Elizabeth took the letter with a smile, amusing herself again with the idea of the frozen wastes of Russia. Her amusement faded, though, as she read the letter, which at once delayed the commencement of the tour and curtailed its extent. Mr. Gardiner would be prevented by business from setting out till a fortnight later in July, and must be in London again within a month; and as that left too short a period for them to go so far, and see so much as they had proposed, or at least to see it with the leisure and comfort they had built on, they were obliged to give up the Lakes, and substitute a more contracted tour; and according to the present plan, were to go no farther northward than Derbyshire. In that county, there was enough to be seen, to occupy the chief of their three weeks. "Derbyshire," Elizabeth said numbly. She was excessively disappointed, having set her heart on seeing the Lakes, but to add to that was the thought that the last place in England she desired to visit at present was the one place that would continually remind her of Darcy. And an additional fortnight before she could be free of him and his disturbing effect upon her.... suddenly it was too much, and she made a hasty retreat to her room, where she could lament in private.

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Chapter 5

When the gentlemen from Netherfield arrived the following afternoon, Elizabeth was still feeling distinctly out of spirits and, apart from the pleasure it would give Jane, none too glad to see their visitors. She made little effort at conversation, but found this seemed to cause no distress to Darcy, who, as he had so often in the past, clearly felt no discomfort at simply enjoying her presence in silence. Before long, though, Bingley proposed their all walking out, and it was agreed to. Mrs. Bennet was not in the habit of walking, Mary could never spare time; but the remaining five set off together. Bingley and Jane walked slightly behind, while Elizabeth, Kitty, and Darcy were left to entertain each other. Very little was said by either; Kitty was too much afraid of him to talk, and Elizabeth too dispirited. As they walked past the road to Lucas Lodge, Kitty expressed a wish to call upon Maria; and as Elizabeth could think of no sensible reason to object, she agreed to allow Kitty to leave them. She pressed firmly onward without looking at her companion. "Miss Bennet," he said after a silence of several minutes, "I cannot help but observe that you seem somewhat out of spirits today. May I be so bold as to inquire as to whether I have offended you in some manner?" Elizabeth sighed, not wanting to explain herself, yet still too fairminded to be willing to take out her displeasure on an innocent - well, perhaps not completely innocent - party, and replied, "Mr. Darcy, I fear that I am in a prodigiously uncivil state of mind today, and that you merely have the 43

A bi ga il Rey nolds misfortune to be in my company at an unfortunate moment. I apologize for being such poor company; please do not construe my regrettable behavior as being in any way related to you." "You have no need to apologize, Miss Bennet. I would not have you pretend to feelings you do not possess." He said nothing more for some time, and then asked, "May I ask if there is anything that is troubling you?" Elizabeth, who had begun to feel irritated that he had not asked this very question, perversely discovered that she was annoyed that he seemed to assume that he had the right to ask it. "It is nothing that is of any concern to anyone beyond myself," she said shortly. They walked on, Darcy struggling with a frustrating feeling of impotence that she would not allow him to help in whatever was troubling her, and an unhappy suspicion that he must be in some way responsible for her distress, despite her words to the contrary. Elizabeth, meanwhile, had made the awkward discovery that, having gone to the trouble of pushing aside his concern, she now felt that she would like to tell him of her disappointment, and was further baffled as to why she would feel the desire to talk to him, of all possible people, about it. Finally, as she was not by nature of a sullen disposition, her wish to express herself won out. "Sir, again I must regret my lack of civility. To be quite honest, I am merely sulking like a fractious child who has been denied an expected treat, and deserve no sympathy whatsoever." With some relief at the change in her tone, he said, "My sympathy is not contingent on whether you feel it to be deserved, Miss Bennet." "You are too kind, sir; but I fear that in fact I am being quite petty. I have received news that my northern tour, which I have been much anticipating, is delayed, and that we will not be able to travel as far as the Lakes, which was a great wish of mine." Darcy's first reaction was one of relief that he was not in fact the culprit, followed quickly by a feeling of frustration that he had not have the right to relieve her distress by offering to take her to the Lakes himself some day. "That must be a great disappointment; I recall how much you were looking forward to it." She felt a surprising degree of relief after for having spoken of it, and resolved to be in kindlier spirits. "I appreciate your thoughtfulness in telling me, and thus sparing me the need to jump to the worst possible conclusion," Darcy added. 44

THE RULE OF REASON She gave him a sidelong glance. Was he in fact making a joke at his own expense? "I will try to keep your frailties in mind." "And speaking of frailties..." Darcy glanced over his shoulder at Jane and Bingley, who were a short distance behind them. Speaking noticeably more quietly, he said "Your sister is, I believe, quite rightly concerned with observing the proprieties, is she not?" Wondering where he could possibly be leading, she said cautiously, "That would be a correct assumption." "Then I fear that she is determined to stay properly near us, which is unfortunate for poor Bingley, who I know was hoping for some time quite alone with her as he has something very particular to discuss with her." A delighted smile spread across her face as she realized what he meant. Remembering the last time the subject was raised between them, she said, "I ... am pleased to hear it." He glanced down at her. "Well, it remains to be seen if he will find the opportunity, given that we seem to be in the way. A pity, is it not?" If he had been anyone else, she might have thought this a suggestion that they should take steps to improve the situation, but she found it hard to believe that he would approve either the sentiment or the lack of propriety. On the other hand, when she glanced up at him, she saw that he had an amused smile on his face. Perhaps she had misjudged him. "Mr. Darcy, I am beginning to suspect that you have some nefarious scheme in mind," she said. "No, in fact, I was counting on you to come up with the nefarious scheme, since you know better than I how to convince your sister, while Bingley will accept any excuse, no matter how weak, to steal away with her." Elizabeth thought that she just might have to revise her opinion of him. "I will give the matter some consideration, sir," she said with a saucy smile. Wondering at how to separate themselves from Jane and Bingley, it occurred to her that this would also have the effect of leaving her unchaperoned again with Darcy. Elizabeth felt a most peculiar sensation at the thought of it, and knew that she must be blushing. She did not feel ready to be alone with him again, though it was clear that he was desirous of the situation. She was willing to give him what he wanted in this case, though; if the price of allowing Bingley to propose to Jane was time alone with Darcy, she would pay it. After all, she had survived the previous day, and she could do so again, although she would need to take care given his increasing forwardness of the day before. She would be prepared this time, though; she promised herself to watch him closely and not 45

A bi ga il Rey nolds to permit any liberties; he might not be the easiest of men to refuse, but she had managed to do that before as well. She considered how best to effect the separation of the couples. It needed to be something which Jane would perceive as quite temporary, yet capable of being extended to allow enough time for Bingley to say his piece. She decided to opt for the simple approach, and just as they reached a small thicket, without a word of warning to Darcy, she made a sudden exclamation of pain and caught at his arm as if to balance herself. He immediately turned and supported her arm, his face alive with concern, as Jane hurried up to her to help. With a look of embarrassment toward Darcy, Elizabeth beckoned to Jane, and whispered in her ear that she had a stone in her boot, and if Jane would take the gentlemen on ahead, she would remove it and rejoin them in a few minutes. As she had predicted, Jane, conscious of her sister's modesty, immediately urged Bingley and Darcy to accompany her. Darcy looked momentarily confused, but after a moment said, "No, I cannot support leaving Miss Elizabeth Bennet by herself; I shall remain with her in case she needs any further assistance." Elizabeth hobbled to a fallen log, and said with a hint of annoyance in her voice, "As you wish, but I must insist that you remain where you are, sir, and turn your back." "No, I must be the one to wait," said Jane. In a voice rich with embarrassment, Elizabeth said, "Jane, please, just go on!" Her sister looked indecisive, but with Bingley's urging, eventually continued down the lane. In the interest of verisimilitude, Elizabeth unlaced and removed one of her half-boots. Looking up to see Darcy watching her quite unashamedly with a slight smile on his face, she said dryly, "Why, imagine that! There appears to be no stone in my boot after all." He raised an eyebrow. "Indeed?" "However," she said judiciously, "I believe that I am still in sufficient pain that it is best that I remain here until it improves." "Certainly you must. And it would be unmannerly of me not to bear you company while you wait." "Quite unmannerly," she agreed as he sat by her side, and she smiled at him in satisfaction at the success of her plot. Her playful smile evoked a very different response in Darcy, whose eyes darkened as he gazed intently into her eyes. Elizabeth forgot to breathe, and as 46

THE RULE OF REASON he dropped his gaze to her lips, felt a disturbing surge of sensation. She looked away from him abruptly, realizing that she was at a certain disadvantage as to avoiding his advances while she sat with one boot off and one on. Darcy, seeing her discomfort, had rarely wished so fervently for that happy fluency of speech that Bingley and Colonel Fitzwilliam possessed. How in the name of heaven was he supposed to apologize for the way he had looked at her, especially since he could hardly claim that he had not wanted to do more than look. Finally he said quietly, "I apologize, Miss Bennet. I shall endeavor to remember that I must be patient."' "I cannot argue with that conclusion," she replied, her eyes still averted. She hardly knew what to say or do; she was becoming uncomfortably aware that there was a rift between the distance that she wished to establish between them and her response whenever he touched her or looked at her with those smoldering eyes. She could not but disapprove of herself for having such a reaction to a man toward whom she had no serious intentions. However, regardless of her inner conflict, she could hardly continue staring at the ground until Jane and Bingley returned, so with firm resolve but little self-confidence she looked up at him, only to find that he was now staring off into space. "Do you suppose that Mr. Bingley has realized yet that we have abandoned him?' she asked lightly. The corners of his mouth turned up in a valiant attempt at a smile. "I would imagine so, since he was certainly hoping for something of the sort. I suspect that he may have been surprised at your involvement, however." "Well, you may tell him that I am prepared to injure myself on his behalf whenever the need arises." He seemed to reach some sort of decision and turned to look at her. With a question in his eyes, he extended his hand, palm up, towards her. She looked at it, told herself that she would be out of her mind to be encouraging him, wavered, and, deciding that he was in need of the reassurance, placed her hand in his. A shock of sensation surged through her as he closed his hand around hers, and he rewarded her with an expression of unlooked-for warmth, leaving her full of unanswered questions about why she cared about reassuring him, why she was so warmed by his smile, and above all why having his hand on hers pleased her so. After sitting in a companionable silence for some time, Darcy said, "You mentioned that your tour with your aunt and uncle is delayed. May I ask when you will be leaving?" 47

A bi ga il Rey nolds "In a month," she responded, smiling at his transparency. Had it always been this simple to tell what he was thinking, and had she simply never given it a thought before? "Georgiana will be pleased to have an opportunity to see more of you before you disappear into the wilds of the north," he said. "The wilds of the north, indeed," she said, then, recalling that she had not told him that the new plans involved Derbyshire, suddenly found the entire situation overwhelmingly amusing. She began to laugh, and found herself barely able to stop. He raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me - it's the czar of Russia." This only encouraged her, and she was wiping tears of laughter from her face when Jane and Bingley reappeared. Jane's face was shining with joy, and Bingley was wearing a rather silly smile. Elizabeth, having rapidly extracted her hand from Darcy's and restored her boot to its rightful location, immediately went to her sister and embraced her, and had the joy of hearing her acknowledge, with the liveliest emotion, that she was the happiest creature in the world. Elizabeth's congratulations were given with a sincerity, a warmth, a delight, which words could but poorly express. Every sentence of kindness was a fresh source of joy to Jane, while Bingley was receiving the equally warm congratulations of his friend. Jane, desiring to go instantly to her mother with the news, and Bingley, equally anxious to obtain the permission of Mr. Bennet, quickly urged the party homeward. As they walked, Darcy asked, "Someday, Miss Bennet, will you be so kind as to tell me what is so humourous about the wilds of the north?" Elizabeth, too full of happiness for Jane even to object to the idea of Derbyshire, looked up at him with an impudent smile. "I imagine you would know far better than I, sir; after all, you live there and I have never been north of Hertfordshire," she said disingenuously. He could come up with no response to this beyond a bemused smile. The next fine day found Elizabeth en route to Netherfield, the arrangement having been made that she would call on Miss Darcy and take the opportunity to show her some of the natural beauties of the area. Bingley was of course a daily visitor at Longbourn by this time, coming frequently before breakfast, and always remaining till after supper, but Darcy, having gracefully, if not entirely happily, accepted Elizabeth's hint that she would prefer that he not be in such constant attendance, restricted himself to the occasional visit to 48

THE RULE OF REASON Longbourn. Thus, it was not overly surprising to Elizabeth that he would choose to accompany his sister on their walk, nor was it completely unwelcome, as she had, after much thought, concluded that it was best for them to spend time together in company rather than alone. The occasion was a generally successful one; though Miss Darcy was not so great a walker as either of her companions, she delighted in the company, and her brother tended to appear in his best light when accompanied by his sister. Elizabeth was pleased to find that she enjoyed the time sufficiently to be willing to accept an invitation to dine with them, though she found herself in some trepidation regarding her departure, correctly suspecting that Mr. Darcy had some plans for that juncture. She was not surprised when he offered to drive her home in the curricle again, nor when he took her hand in his before they were even out of the drive at Netherfield and his aspect changed from amiable gentleman and brother to that of the lover. She found that she was able to accept his attentions with at least an external composure, and if internally her confusion remained great, at least her response was no longer so surprising as it had been at first. This was to become a pattern as time went on, that every few days she would spend time with the two Darcys, usually walking or occasionally driving through the countryside, and then allow Darcy to claim his due on the road back to Longbourn. She could not explain why it was so, but she found that gradually anticipation began to replace her initial dread of the time alone with him as she grew to find more pleasure in the sensations his looks and the touch of his hand produced, and as she saw that he asked nothing further of her on those drives. She continued to experience confusion regarding her feelings toward him; even though she could admit that her opinion of him had improved, she still had a number of serious reservations about him. Although he continued in his civility toward her family, she could not help noticing that when they were in greater company, he became again the reserved and taciturn man she had known in the past; and although he no longer refused to converse when others approached him, he did not seek out these encounters. He could still be high-handed, and she found herself sometimes resentful of the assumptions he seemed to make about her availability to him. And while she appreciated his role in bringing Bingley and Jane back together, she still could not bring herself to forgive him fully for engineering their separation in the first place. 49

A bi ga il Rey nolds She felt fortunate that no one apart from Bingley, Jane, and perhaps Georgiana seemed to have realized his interest in her. The Meryton society in general had seen no reason to reassess what had been generally known as her strong dislike of him. The pleasant thought that the wealthy Mr. Darcy might have taken a liking to Elizabeth had crossed Mrs. Bennet's mind on occasion, but Elizabeth had so far been able to divert her with somewhat misleading comments about her friendship with Miss Darcy and reminders that she was not handsome enough to tempt Mr. Darcy, and so her mother's fancies had instead turned to whether Miss Darcy could put Elizabeth in the way of any wealthy and eligible young men. On occasion she observed her father watching Darcy with a quizzical look, but if he had any suspicions in that direction, he kept them to himself. Only a fortnight remained until her departure for Derbyshire when she went to Netherfield for one of her visits only to find Miss Darcy in bed complaining of a headache. After exchanging a few words with her friend, Georgiana admitted that she was not feeling well enough to enjoy company, but insisted that Elizabeth and Darcy continue with their plans of walking to Gadebridge Hill, an idea which clearly pleased Darcy, and Elizabeth could think of no real objection. It was clear as they set out that Darcy was making every effort to observe decorum, to the point where he was failing to respond to some of Elizabeth's teasing, and her spirits were such that she could not resist a few barbed comments about his dignity. "Personally, I find that I do not associate an excess of dignity with brisk walks through the countryside," he defended himself. "Well, we shall see how you do when we encounter a muddy path or a recalcitrant cow, Mr. Darcy." "I am aware that mud would not stop you, but how would you handle the recalcitrant cow?" Elizabeth laughed. "Do you doubt, sir, that I cannot be even more recalcitrant than a cow when I set my mind to it?" "No gentleman would dream of attempting an answer to such a question, Miss Bennet. I shall instead limit myself to pointing out that you seem to be managing to maintain a certain level of dignity as well." "True, but that is only because I am, for your benefit, being far more proper and dignified than I should be were I walking by myself," she said archly. 50

THE RULE OF REASON "Indeed, and what improper and undignified behavior would you be indulging in were you by yourself, Miss Bennet?" She eyed him calculatingly, perfectly willing to see how much she could shock him. "Sometimes I like to run. It can be quite exhilarating." His eyes widened slightly in surprise, but he mastered it well. "Far be it from me to keep you from any of your pleasures, Miss Bennet. Please feel free to run, if you so desire." Seeing his face, she judged that he did not believe she would take him up on his challenge. If so, he underestimated her willingness to test him. With a teasing smile, she gathered up her skirts and set off at a fast run. She ran farther than she would usually have done to press the point, and eventually, on reaching the ruins of an old cottage, collapsed back against one of the standing walls, laughing and quite out of breath. Darcy appeared a moment later, having clearly kept pace with her, and leaned an arm against the wall next to her. Could she have seen the picture she presented, lips parted, eyes sparkling and cheeks becomingly flushed from the exercise, she might have understood better where the look in his eyes came from; but knowing only that her shocking behavior was clearly leading him to the very thoughts she had hoped he would repress, she said in a lively manner, "Mr. Darcy, you are a very difficult man to discourage!" "Have you only just realized that?" Reaching over to her, he lightly ran a finger down her cheek; she felt an exquisite sensation that left her even more breathless. Looking intently into her eyes, he said, "Surely you must know by now that I will do whatever I must." Elizabeth felt caught by the look in his eyes as he very slowly bent his head towards hers until his lips gently caressed her own. The unexpected shock of pleasure that ran through her at the touch of his lips astonished Elizabeth even more than the fact that she had not stopped him, nay, had not even wanted to stop him. What was happening to her, that she could not refuse that look in his dark eyes? He drew back slightly, a slight smile curving his lips, his eyes still fixed on hers. She was hesitant to meet his gaze while still moved by his kiss, but he would have none of it and tipped her chin up with his finger until she looked directly at him. Her heart pounded at his look of inquiry, and she wished at that moment that she could give him the love he wanted, but she knew that she could not, that enjoying his kiss was not the same as loving him, and that in fact it ought to have been the loving that came first. She had never considered the 51

A bi ga il Rey nolds possibility that her first kiss might come from someone to whom she was not at the very least promised, and it occurred to her that, despite the pleasure of his kiss, she was not altogether happy that it had not come in that context. It troubled her deeply that her thoughts seemed to have no impact whatsoever on her treacherous desire for him to kiss her again. She knew that she must respond to him, and that she must be gentle but firm. "I believe that most people would say that you must not do that, though," she said, pleased to find that her voice did not tremble. She dropped her gaze again, not trusting her eyes not to betray her. "There is only one opinion that matters to me," he said, his voice barely stable. He had not meant to kiss her; he knew only too well that she would likely take offense, but the sight of her looking up at him, laughing and so alive, had been more than he could resist. But now it was even harder, for kissing her had only exposed the well of need he felt for her -- need which had grown through the long winter of trying to forget her, and had overrun him in those black months after Kent when he believed she could never be his, need that could only be sated by Elizabeth Bennet. Kissing her, even so briefly and lightly, was exquisite beyond belief; he responded to it like a starving man in a wasteland, and he was desperate for more. She knew that she should not remain so close to him, that she should remove temptation by moving out of reach, but her body would not obey her. In an effort to corral her errant thoughts, she forced herself to think of all the painful moments in their history, all the times she had hated and resented him. She remembered her fury with him after his proposal, and it suddenly struck her as amusing that she could have traveled so quickly from that point to one where she was aching for his kisses. Humour, as it had so often done in the past, lent her the distance she needed, and she was able to free herself from the spell of the moment. Believing that she could face him now, she looked up with a smile, and made the fatal mistake of meeting his eyes again. The look of raw need in them caused all of her resolve to fail, and her wish to resist him melted into nothingness. Darcy knew in his heart that he should go no further, that she had warned him, but he found himself helpless to ignore the desire on her face - if he could not have her love, he would settle for the moment for having her want him. He said softly, "But since I do care about that one opinion, I shall warn you that if you do not want me to kiss you again, you should take this opportunity to tell me so." 52

THE RULE OF REASON Elizabeth swallowed hard, searching desperately for the good sense that seemed to have deserted her the moment he had touched her. Her lips parted as his hand gently cupped her cheek, a touch that reawakened the intoxicating feelings he had created in her, and she closed her eyes to savor the exquisite sensation of his mouth meeting hers. Darcy allowed himself to take his time with this kiss, tasting the pleasures of her lips, and, as he felt her unmistakable response, permitted a tiny fraction of the urgency he felt to express itself as he deepened the kiss. Elizabeth had never suspected that such physical awareness as she experienced at that moment could exist. The sensations of excitement from his kiss enveloped her, and she was achingly conscious that she wanted his arms around her, even as she acknowledged that she should not be permitting even this much in the first place. It took all of her determination to keep herself from embracing him and pulling him closer. After what seemed far too short a time, he drew back, and she could see that his breathing was ragged and his eyes dark with passion, and suspected that she looked little different. Darcy's struggle to master himself was at least as profound, but perhaps less obvious due to the extent of his practice at subduing his feelings for her. The elation he felt that she had not only allowed him to kiss her, but had responded as well, was great, and it was all he could do not to renew his proposals immediately. He knew that it was too soon, though, and he saw his thoughts being proven correct by the expressions which were crossing Elizabeth's face. Instead of the look of warmth or affection he had hoped for, he saw her biting her lip and looking away, clearly unhappy with the situation. Why? he demanded silently. She had wanted him to kiss her, he would have wagered a great deal that she had enjoyed his kisses, and she knew that his intentions were honorable, so why was she distressed? Could her dislike of him still be so intense, but if so, why would she have allowed him to take liberties with her? Were all the hopeful signs he had observed merely a figment of his desire to see them? She had never met any of his advances with clear evidence of pleasure, it was true, but just recently, there had been some shy smiles when he caressed her hand, and once she had even actively slipped her hand into his in the curricle. He shook his head over the pathetic desperation of his thoughts, and stepped completely away from her, no longer able to tolerate seeing her distress. Elizabeth wrapped her arms around herself as if she felt a chill, and with determination began to walk once more at a brisk pace, as if trying to escape 53

A bi ga il Rey nolds from herself. Darcy fell in beside her silently, thinking that it was positive that she was continuing on their journey, rather than insisting on returning. Now if only she would not look as if she were on her way to the gallows... He tried to counsel himself to patience, reminding himself that he need not win her affection immediately, and that she had made it more than clear that she preferred him to go slowly. Soon she would be leaving on her travels, and it was most important that the terms that they part on be warm, so that she would welcome seeing him again after her return. It would be a long wait, though, and Georgiana had already indicated to him that she would prefer not to stay at Netherfield once Elizabeth was gone; the company of Bingley's sisters had as little appeal for her as for him. London would provide some distraction while they waited, perhaps, or they could even go to Pemberley; it was a long journey for that length of time, but then again, they need not return immediately, and in fact it would raise suspicions if he timed his absence to coincide exactly with hers. It would be near the time of Bingley's wedding by then, and surely Elizabeth would be feeling pleased and happy about that event, and perhaps more welcoming to his suit.... He stopped in mid-stride as an excruciating thought lanced through him. Could the signs he had taken as warming of her regard be instead gratitude? He knew how much Jane's happiness mattered to her; could she be rewarding his role in returning Bingley to Hertfordshire with the only currency she had? Did she see herself as purchasing her sister's happiness at the cost of her own? The thought was unbearable; he would rather never lay eyes on her again than to take her at that price. Somehow he forced himself to keep walking despite the pain which was nearly incapacitating him. He would have to leave. There was no possible way to live with the pain of seeing her if it was true; it was already a constant struggle not to take her in his arms a dozen times a day. He would have to admit that the dream was ended; there was no possible way he could accept her on those terms. Yes, Pemberley, he would go to Pemberley and never again set foot in Hertfordshire, he thought, but even as he thought it he knew that he would not be able to stay away for long. When Elizabeth finally felt mistress of herself again enough to glance at him, she saw the disturbance of his mind visible in every feature, and his face set in the grim lines she had only seen once before, when she accused him at Hunsford of destroying Wickham's future. What had he to be upset about? He had got what he wanted, after all; she was the one with the right to feel 54

THE RULE OF REASON distressed about what had happened, and distressed she was indeed. His assumption of her compliance had reminded her of his proposal at Hunsford, and how he had made his offer with the perfect conviction that she would accept him without question. Was it in fact any different now, apart from his going through the motions of courtship? He certainly seemed to assume, at least until proven otherwise, that she would accept his caresses, his kisses, his familiarity - and no doubt his hand in marriage, in good time. And she had allowed it, one step at a time, allowed him liberties she had never expected to give anyone but her husband, and was beginning against her will to allow him inroads into her heart as well. He had changed his outward manner and made his admiration of her overt, and she had fallen right into his hand like ripe fruit. And now he had the presumption to feel himself the injured party well, this was as good a time as any for her to make clear that she would not continue to tolerate his forwardness. For once, though, she recalled her history of losing her temper with him before knowing all the facts, and forced herself to review the situation one more time before she spoke. In all fairness, she had to admit that she was to some extent responsible by her compliance, and that he likely would have respected her wishes had she told him to stop. Also, he did not, as a rule, have fits of the sulks without reason, though it seemed as often as not that the reason existed only in his imagination. She was quite predisposed to being annoyed with him; at least it took her away from her own thoughts, but she had no wish to be unjust to him as she had in the past. With a sigh, she stopped and turned to him, her arms crossed across her chest. "Please enlighten me, Mr. Darcy," she said, her impatience evident in her voice. "I have not the gift for leaping to the worst possible conclusion that you possess, so you are perforce going to have to explain to me whatever terrible possibility you have discovered this time." He looked at her in shock. He was quite unaccustomed to being spoken to in such a manner, and he found his temper flaring. In an automatic effort to quell it, he said coolly, "Miss Bennet, I am afraid that the heat of the moment is leading you to flights of imagination." He was quite mistaken if he thought that this would intimidate her from continuing her stand, she thought. "I am waiting, Mr. Darcy. I have no intention of walking all the way to Gadebridge Hill with whatever black beast you are carrying with you." His complexion became pale with anger. "And what of your own black beast, Miss Bennet? If I am not mistaken, you are not best pleased yourself." 55

A bi ga il Rey nolds Ever able to see the humour of the moment, Elizabeth found the corners of her mouth twitching. "Mine is naught but a small grey creature of the night, sir. My question stands." Darcy came to the disturbing realization that he did not understand the rules of this sort of skirmish where honesty was demanded, and anger was met with wit. He watched her through narrowed eyes for a minute, absent-mindedly noting how bewitching she looked with her eyes flashing in anger. "The thought had crossed my mind that you might be tolerating my attentions out of some mistaken sense of gratitude." Her eyes widened. "That is, indeed, an impressively far-fetched conclusion. I believe, in fact, that I am insulted, sir." "Oddly enough, I am quite glad to hear that, although I certainly had no intent to offend you." Her gaze continued to clash with his for a moment, but Elizabeth found it difficult not to soften when she saw the obvious relief that he felt, and, as they managed to smile at each other, decided that just now she did not want to think any more about what had happened earlier, but merely to enjoy his company and the beautiful day. Recalling his gesture after their conflict on the day of Jane's engagement, she held out her hand to him. Although his face showed only a warming of his gaze, internally Darcy was rejoicing at the step she had taken. Taking her hand, he drew her to his side, then raised it to his lips. Elizabeth coloured slightly. "I daresay that your sister will be disappointed if you are unable to tell her of the view from Gadebridge Hill." Not to mention that if we stand here any longer, I will end up kissing you again, and then we will be right back where we started, he thought, as they set off hand in hand. "She will be more disappointed when she realizes that this is likely to be our last opportunity to walk out before the arrival of Miss Bingley and the Hursts. I fear that it may not be the same afterwards." "Perhaps if we select particularly muddy and long walks, we can fend them off, and it will not be so bad," Elizabeth suggested light-heartedly. "But that is easy for me to say; I do not have to stay in the same house with them. I must remember to rescue Georgiana when I can." "She will appreciate it; she is often quite overwhelmed by Miss Bingley. In fact, I may need to be rescued as well," he teased.

56

THE RULE OF REASON "You, sir, are perfectly capable of handling Miss Bingley with no assistance from me," she replied, surprised by how content she felt walking so closely to him. "Just as well, since you intend to desert us to her mercies soon enough," he said. "When are you planning to leave for your travels?" "My aunt and uncle will arrive Monday week, and we plan to depart the next day." "It seems you are quite fond of your aunt and uncle." "Yes, in fact, I am. I enjoy their company a great deal." "I would like to meet them, if I may." She glanced up at him, wondering if he realized that her uncle was in trade - she could not recall mentioning it - and if he would be so anxious to meet them if he knew. "If you wish," she said neutrally. "I do not believe that you have ever told me of your new destination. Do you know where you will go, apart from the wilds of the north?" Elizabeth coloured, knowing that it was impossible to avoid the question once it was asked directly. "My aunt and uncle are setting the itinerary, and I do not know the details, but I believe it to be an area you know well. My aunt has mentioned the Peaks, Matlock and Dovedale, and I believe she also plans for us to see Blenheim and Chatsworth. We will also be spending some days in a little town in which my aunt spent her younger days -- I believe you may be familiar with it; it is called Lambton." That Darcy was startled by her response was clear, and she did not doubt that he realized that she had deliberately kept this information from him. "Yes, I know it well," he said slowly, "it is not five miles from Pemberley." She stole a glance at him, trying to gauge his response, but his expression was distant. She felt a sudden urge to apologize, though what she had to regret in traveling so near his home was not clear; but she was troubled by his apparent withdrawal. Well, she thought, I do not need his permission to enter Derbyshire; I may visit it with impunity if I choose. She was determined to wait until he broke the silence, but as it went on and on, and as she grew more and more uncomfortable to be walking hand in hand with a man who seemed to have forgotten her existence, her resolve began to weaken. Finally, she said, "Mr. Darcy, you appear to be miles away." She did not desire any further conflict, so to remove any possible sting from her words, she tightened her hand around his for a moment. 57

A bi ga il Rey nolds He turned to her with a rueful smile. "You are absolutely correct, Miss Bennet; my mind was far away in Derbyshire. My apologies for neglecting you." "And was your mind's visit to Derbyshire fruitful?" she asked. Bending his arm, he brought her hand to his lips in a casual manner, and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. "That remains to be seen, my love," he said. "Mr. Darcy!" she said with indignation, ignoring an odd sensation deep inside her. "That is quite enough, I believe!" He looked at her in startled dismay. "What is the matter?" "What is the matter? Mr. Darcy, if I have in some way led you to believe that I am willing to accept this level of familiarity, I do apologize, as it was certainly not my intention to mislead you," she said vigorously, determined not to continue in the passive course she had set to date. He released her hand immediately, his expression baffled and worried. "Miss Bennet, I deeply regret offending you in any way; it is my sole wish to please you, and I will certainly refrain from any behavior to which you object. I...." He tried desperately to think of further ways to apologize before he lost all the ground he had gained, and then, recognizing that honesty was his only hope, said more calmly, "I cannot say that I completely understand, but if you do not wish me to kiss your hand, you may depend on it that I shall not." She was quite surprised that he did not realize that his words were objectionable; in many ways it seemed more atypical of him to violate such a social rule than to take liberties. "Mr. Darcy, my objection was to the overly familiar manner in which you referred to me," she said tiredly. Darcy, taken aback, immediately began to review the conversation in his mind, and then paled abruptly as he realized what he had said. "Miss Bennet, I apologize, indeed, I ought to grovel at your feet; you are quite correct to upbraid me. It was a complete slip of the tongue; my mind was elsewhere, and I did not realize at all what I was saying. I do know better than that, and I would certainly not have intentionally have embarrassed either of us in that way, and..." "That is quite an adequate amount of groveling," Elizabeth interrupted with a smile, exceedingly relieved by his obviously genuine embarrassment and regret. "I accept your apology, and shall not think on the matter again." Darcy kept his eyes fixed directly ahead of him. This was not going well at all, he thought; every effort which he made seemed to lead to disaster. It would be a miracle if she was still willing to speak to him at the end of the day, 58

THE RULE OF REASON if matters continued as they were. Perhaps he should revert to his safer, old patterns and hold his tongue as much as possible to avoid making a fool of himself again - but no, she would think him uncivil in that case. Elizabeth, seeing his struggle, decided to take mercy on him. "Mr. Darcy," she said with laughter in his voice, "I fear that you are once again honing your skills at leaping to conclusions, and I must insist that you cease at once, and instead acknowledge that I am far too reasonable and pleasant a person to possibly dream up the sort of horrors you are capable of imagining." His lips twitched. "Are you laughing at me, Miss Bennet?" "I would be sorely distressed if I could find no source of humour in you, sir," she replied lightly. "And we are approaching our destination, and I certainly hope that we can remain friends long enough to climb the hill, so that we may save our breath for our exertions." Darcy, agreeing easily to this, tried to match her light-hearted tones with fair success, and they were able to proceed in accord with one another as they tackled the ascent of the hill. Darcy took full advantage of the roughness of the path to have the pleasure of helping Elizabeth past obstacles, and by the time they reached the summit, his good humour was restored. Darcy invited her to sit on a flat stone atop the elevation which afforded a view of the countryside. She took the opportunity to point out various towns and holdings as they sat side by side, Darcy taking pleasure in holding Elizabeth's hand between his own and caressing it lightly from time to time. Elizabeth, feeling a combination of a warm contentment and an agitated excitement induced by his closeness and the remarkable sensations he seemed able to produce through his lightest touch of her hand, said, "Tell me something about yourself, something that I do not know." "What shall I tell you about?" he responded with a smile. "Whatever you like - perhaps you could tell me about growing up at Pemberley." He laughed. "Not Pemberley, please, or I will start having ideas you will object to again." Puzzled, she said, "Because of Pemberley?" "I have an excellent imagination, Miss Bennet, and I recommend that we change the subject immediately." Still mystified, she said, "As you wish, of course. What shall it be, then tell me about going to university. Is that a safer topic?" 59

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Let me see, what can I tell you -- I studied at Cambridge, and there were good times and bad. I missed home and my family quite intensely at first, since it was my first time away since I had attended the first year at Harrow, about which the less said, the better. After that I had tutors at home, since my mother, once she became ill, was reluctant to have me so far away, and I am afraid that I supported her utterly in that for my own selfish reasons. Once I became accustomed to being away at Cambridge, though, my studies were quite fascinating for the most part, and I could think of nothing better than being expected to read all day long, but some of the social aspects of university life were quite a challenge given how reserved I can be. I could not enjoy most aspects of undergraduate social life, the fashionable set and the parties, and the situation was worsened because at my father's behest I was rooming with George Wickham. Our beliefs were already quite at odds, and his behavior was such that I cannot bring myself to speak of it to you. Needless to say, I found this quite distasteful, and I kept to myself for quite a time until I found some activities which suited me better. I made several close friends then, men whose company was more congenial to me, and we have remained friends over the years since then." "Which were the activities that suited you?" He smiled in recollection. "I became a devotee of fencing, a practice I still continue when I am able, and which is eminently well suited to me because I am not expected to talk while I am fencing. I also improved my expertise considerably at billiards as well, for the same reason, a fact which Bingley still has cause to regret." "You make yourself sound quite misanthropic!" "Hardly that; I enjoyed the company of those I knew well and trusted, but I had not yet learned to overcome my native shyness. I was much like Georgiana is now, if truth is to be told, which is the reason that I do not like to force her to socialize, and instead encourage her to find friends in a way that is more tolerable to her; I cannot imagine that she will ever feel any more comfort or enjoyment than do I at balls and assemblies." Elizabeth struggled to digest this information; of the many descriptions she could apply to Mr. Darcy, 'shy' had never once crossed her mind, yet he seemed quite earnest and straightforward as he said it. She decided that she would need to consider this revelation further when she had more leisure to reflect on it. "Georgiana is fortunate to have such an understanding guardian, then." 60

THE RULE OF REASON "Perhaps she is, but I am aware that I might be doing her a great disservice in not forcing her to learn to cope with her shyness; I wonder sometimes if my protection is not making her shyness worse." She smiled up at him, and impulsively laid her head against his shoulder. "You worry a great deal, it seems." Darcy forgot to breathe in the rush of pleasure that her affectionate gesture gave him, and wished that he could hold onto this moment forever. He longed to reciprocate, to pull her closer or to bury his face in her hair, but for once he forced himself to remember the need to subdue his own desires, that the most effective encouragement he could give her was not to frighten her away. The desire to touch her was more than he could completely suppress, however, and he found himself turning her hand in his so that he could stroke the soft skin of the inside of her fingers and her palm. As he bent his head slightly to observe it better, one of her curls brushed gently against his face, a sensation which left him achingly conscious of his need for her. His response to her action had quite overwhelmed his attention to their conversation, and it was only with effort that he was able to recollect what she had been saying. "I admit that worrying is one of my failings - does it come as a surprise to you, then?" he asked, congratulating himself on having been able to construct an articulate sentence under these circumstances. A smile crossed her lips. "I confess that I was beginning to catch an intimation of it, sir." Ironically, she was at that point doing an excellent job of worrying herself, wondering what capricious impulse had prompted her to lay her head against him, at a time when she knew full well that she should be avoiding even the appearance of encouraging him. How could she blame him for presuming too far when she persisted in behaving as if she wished for and encouraged his advances? He had caught her off-guard by expressing his insecurities about his behavior, so different from his usual aggravating highhandedness, but there was no excuse for her improper behavior. It was past time, she acknowledged to herself, for her to admit that her physical reaction to Darcy's company had gone beyond her control, a thought which both frightened and appalled her, since it went against her longstanding belief in her own ability to restrain herself. Yet it could not be denied; so small a cause as his caresses of her palm created such an ache inside her that she knew that, were he to try to kiss her again, she would put up no resistance, and would against her will welcome his touch. The realization that she was clearly at risk of 61

A bi ga il Rey nolds permitting sufficient liberties to feel obliged to marry was sufficiently alarming to override the temptation to continue to enjoy his attentions of the moment. Without any outward sign of her inner distress, Elizabeth made the suggestion that it was past time for them to return to Netherfield, and Darcy, though quite reluctant to end the enchanting interlude, managed to agree in an appropriately gentlemanly manner so as to allow them to begin the walk back in a harmonious manner which they managed to maintain until reaching their destination. At Netherfield, Elizabeth expressed a desire to enquire after Georgiana's health before her departure for Longbourn, a request to which Darcy readily acceded, as he was happy for any excuse to prolong their contact. The patient turned out to have improved substantially in their absence, and was in fact out of bed and enjoying the sunlight through the sitting room window. Darcy warmly expressed his pleasure in her recovery, a sentiment which Elizabeth echoed with a bit more reservation, her suspicions being raised by Georgiana's sudden improvement that her illness might have been a convenient ruse to put her brother and her friend alone together for an extended period of time. "Georgiana, Miss Bennet revealed a most interesting piece of news to me today. It turns out that her forthcoming travels will be taking her to Derbyshire, and that she will in fact be spending some time in Lambton," said Darcy. "Really?" cried Georgiana, her eyes alight with enthusiasm. "You must come to Pemberley, then! I would much prefer to go to Pemberley than London, we have not been there since December. Could we not do that, William?" "If that is your wish, we certainly may; I had not made a decision between Pemberley and London as of yet, and we had originally planned to journey thither later this summer in any case," Darcy said indulgently. Elizabeth eyed him with some amusement, thinking how neatly he had put that decision on his sister, obviously knowing full well what she would suggest. She had known that the subject of Derbyshire would not be dropped so easily as it had been on their walk, but she had not been expecting an ambush on the subject quite so quickly, either. "I must urge you not to base your plans on mine; I will be completely at the disposal of my aunt and uncle during our tour, and I am sure that they have a busy itinerary planned already," she demurred. 62

THE RULE OF REASON "Oh, but Pemberley would be an excellent location from which to visit so many of the sights of Derbyshire! Please, you must at least allow us to invite your aunt and uncle; I would so love to have you at Pemberley," said Georgiana. This was rather stronger than Elizabeth had expected; she had thought they would be invited to call at Pemberley, not to stay there. She suspected that Georgiana did not quite understand about her connections - Darcy himself had learned to be polite to her family, but having some of them to stay at Pemberley was likely to be quite a different question. "Your invitation is very gracious, and I would certainly be delighted if the opportunity arose to see you while I was in Lambton, but I really must insist that I have really no say over the planning of our trip." Georgiana, however, was not to be easily dismissed, and pleaded with Elizabeth to consider the possibility until Darcy, who had managed to keep himself completely out of the discussion, rescued her by offering to drive her home. They set off in their usual manner, and as they drove off Elizabeth, following their ritual, slipped her hand into his. Darcy looked down at her with a smile that warmed his features becomingly. "Do you have any idea how much pleasure you give me by doing that?" he asked quietly. Elizabeth, who had much rather not hear about it at all, especially when her insides seemed to give a very peculiar lurch at his words, tried to avoid serious discussion by responding playfully, "Hopefully enough to compensate for at least a small fraction of the trouble I cause you!" He looked at her seriously. "I would not wish to be anyplace else," he said. Her cheeks warm, Elizabeth dropped her eyes. "Mr. Darcy, I would prefer not to enter into this discussion at this point," she said in a voice barely above a whisper. "As you wish, then," he said, as neutrally as he could. He wondered if she had any idea what this experience was like for him, waiting for days for nothing more than the chance of a few hours with her, and then only a little time alone. To love her so desperately, and need her so badly, yet to receive only ambiguous signals regarding her feelings about his attentions. She had taught him the hard way about humility, and, by God, now she was doing the same thing with patience, and he hated this lesson just as much as the one before it. Perhaps this was becoming too intense -- perhaps he needed to remember that he had other responsibilities in life besides wooing Elizabeth 63

A bi ga il Rey nolds Bennet. A little perspective might help him through this. If she held to her usual pattern, it would be two, or more likely three days until he saw her again. Perhaps a night or two in London was what he needed - certainly he had more than enough business that was piling up there that required his attention. And then, if he could get her to Pemberley, even for only a few days, where he could see her every day, every morning over breakfast, every evening, where he could take her for walks through the gardens and the park, without having to worry about what her parents would think, or who would see them.... If you do not stop thinking this way instantly, he told himself sternly, you will end up doing something rash that you are certain to regret later Think about London. Think about anything else at all. Elizabeth had noted his withdrawal following their earlier conversation. She was initially glad that he had heeded her request to discontinue the discussion, but was now feeling less happy with the result, as his behavior was no longer what she expected under these circumstances. They never spoke much on these rides, but he had always previously used this brief time alone to look at her with a warmth that was hidden at other times, and to take every possible advantage in caressing her hand. Now he seemed more withdrawn, but perhaps that was only because they had already had a great deal of time alone together that day. She was beginning to have enough of a sense of him, though, to suspect that this was not the case, and she wondered what the cause might be. Perhaps he was more discouraged by her earlier request not to speak of his feelings than she had thought, or perhaps it had been one refusal more than he was felt prepared to bear after she had also avoided the invitation to Pemberley. They had certainly also done their share of quarrelling earlier in the day, and that she had needed to limit his familiarity on more than one occasion might also be construed as discouraging. Well, if he was disturbed by her decisions, his position was quite indefensible, since she had been more than justified in each of her refusals, and without question should have taken those refusals much farther than she had. As she began to feel slightly irritated, she reminded herself that he had not in fact made any complaint about her actions, nor was he acting in any kind of angry manner; and if his feelings were ones of disappointment or discouragement, well, certainly the poor man was entitled to whatever feelings he chose, so long as he did not attempt to impose them on her. No, she really had no cause for complaint in his reaction; she simply did not like to see him unhappy. 64

THE RULE OF REASON With an impulse that she did not wish to inspect too closely, she spoke his name, and, when he turned to look at her, reached up and brushed her lips very quickly and lightly against his. She had never seen him look so startled, she decided, and looked down with a small satisfied smile. With a feeling of incredulous delight, he automatically reined in the horses, and, as the carriage came to a stop, said, "Well, Miss Bennet, if your parents ever told you that you should never distract the driver, I am certainly glad that you chose not to heed their instructions." She stole a quick glance at him, feeling far too embarrassed to look at him directly, and murmured, "Your horses seem well trained enough to manage to stay on the road for a moment." "My horses are admirably trained. However, now that you have my full and complete attention, I cannot help but wonder if there is any chance of persuading you to consider a repetition of your action." "And you claim to be shy!" she teased. "With sufficient motivation, I can overcome it, and I believe that I am more than sufficiently motivated at the moment," he responded with a smile. She still could hardly look at him, but managed comply with his request, despite her burning cheeks. It was so swift that she felt a response more to her daring than to the brief contact. Darcy was managing the near-impossible by appearing calm and pleased despite feeling quite far from calm. It was obvious to him that he was far more successful when he allowed Elizabeth to set the pace, and did not demand more than she felt ready to give, and he was determined to give her no reason to regret her action. He was resolved not to make the mistake of asking too much again, and made no effort to move beyond the brief, feather-light contact she had initiated, despite his strong impulses to the contrary. He saw how embarrassed she was, and thought it best to keep his response minimal, but could not stop himself from leaning down and stealing one more kiss from her, of no more duration or depth than the ones she had freely given him. With an effort, he steeled himself, picked up the reins, and set off again, only then allowing himself to glory in the fact that Elizabeth had kissed him of her own free will. God, but she was full of surprises! Just when he thought that there was no progress, too. He tightened his hand on hers, and was delighted to feel her return the pressure. All too soon they were approaching Longbourn. Darcy stopped just out of sight of the house to take a moment to kiss her hand, and on impulse turned 65

A bi ga il Rey nolds her hand over to place a kiss in her palm, and then one on the delicate skin inside her wrist. He heard her sharp intake of breath with the greatest of pleasure. She was looking at him again, with confusion but neither displeasure nor fear. "Thank you for today," he said softly before bringing the carriage up to the door. "Good day, Mr. Darcy," she said with more equanimity than she felt. "Good day, Miss Bennet," he replied. He watched her until she went in the door, then drove off, full of elation.

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THE RULE OF REASON

Chapter 6

That night, as Elizabeth sat at her vanity brushing her hair, she thought back on the events of the day with some agitation. She knew that she was well beyond the point where she could say with any honesty that she had no feelings for Darcy. If nothing else, he certainly affected her quite powerfully on the physical level, more, in fact, than she had ever thought possible. That it troubled her when he was in distress, and that she wished to protect him from it to some extent, was indubitable; she felt a real interest in his welfare, but still doubted the wisdom of allowing that welfare to depend on herself. Her chief disturbance lay in the question of the causes for her change in sentiments toward him, and her doubts about their validity. She certainly enjoyed his company far more than she had in the past, and his caring behavior towards his sister was a testimonial in his favor, but the fact remained that he was a man accustomed to being in control of all around him. Clearly he was accustomed to making arrangements as he pleased, including making decisions on the behalf of others, and he was managing to do the same with her to a disturbing extent. He did not hesitate to let her know what he wanted, or that he intended to persist until he got it. Try as she might, she was unable to recall any instance in the whole of their acquaintance when he had submitted to another's will. Nor, apart from his obvious concern for his sister, could she recollect any clear instance of goodness or benevolence to further establish his character.

67

A bi ga il Rey nolds The root of her problem, she feared, was that some of the appeal of his company at the moment lay in her own vanity and desire for companionship; since Jane's engagement, she had but little time to bestow in conversation with her sister, for while Bingley was present, she had no attention for anyone else, and in his absence she talked of nothing but him. This left Elizabeth deprived of her closest confidante and friend, and, with Charlotte long gone, little other source of congenial company. How could she in such circumstances but be pleased to have a man of Darcy's sensibilities at her disposal with no goals but to please her and to attend to her whenever she wished? A romance based in large part on her loneliness and his availability and willingness would hardly seemed destined for success, and in fact suggested the very disturbing idea that Elizabeth was taking advantage of Darcy's feelings for her to meet her own needs. Why could she not have fallen in love with someone like his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, who was amiable, interesting, and calm, someone without the tendency to withdraw and the capacity to brood, who was not always such a mystery? She had watched each step of the way as Bingley had fallen in love with Jane, and she had seen admiration, affection, thoughtfulness, and delight in her company, but never the somewhat frightening intensity which Darcy often displayed towards her. And there really was no question, she finally admitted as she watched herself in the mirror, that she was falling in love with him, and the idea terrified her. She had always scoffed at the heroines of the romantic novels that Kitty favored who fell in love with the wrong man, yet how else could she characterize this? What sort of basis for a marriage was physical attraction and fondness for a lover's attention? Courtship was brief and marriage long, and while he was most attentive now, she questioned what might happen when the wooing was over and she was won; she could easily picture a return to days of his silent observation of her. This is unbearable, she thought. She wanted to be with him, to feel the pleasure that only his touch could bring her, and at the same time, she feared the outcome. She would never be able to tolerate being controlled, and he already seemed to have far too much power over her feelings. She knew what she ought to do - to follow the advice she would herself give to those romantic heroines, which was to put a stop to it now, before it went any farther, by telling him that his hopes were in vain; to try to recover herself while she still had the power, so that someday in the future she might have the opportunity to love another man more suited to her. But she knew that it had already gone too far 68

THE RULE OF REASON for her to give him up. She could try to slow the pace of their romance, though she knew she would have no cooperation whatsoever from Darcy in that regard, and she could try to contain the intensity; she could see him less often, avoid spending time with him alone, limit the liberties she allowed him - as she certainly should in any case - and above all, she should stay away from Pemberley and any suggestion of a future for her there in his home, on his terms. Georgiana was not looking forward to the day for more reasons than one. She had come to enjoy Elizabeth's lively company a great deal, but unfortunately she had not been able to see her for several days owing to a succession of rain, and it did not help that William had been pacing the halls of Netherfield like a caged lion for the same period of time, and had hardly been pleasant company for the most part. It was beginning to annoy Georgiana that he insisted on pretending that nothing unusual was happening and that Elizabeth was no more than an acquaintance of his. Did he truly think her so blind? She smiled as she thought of how he looked whenever he saw her, and she wished that he would work up the courage to propose to her soon. She had hoped when she sent them off together on the walk that it would give him his chance, but that had proved to be a disappointment. But William's irritability and the lack of Elizabeth's company did not trouble her nearly so much as did the prospect of spending the day with Miss Bingley, who had arrived, along with the Hursts, the previous day. She knew that Miss Bingley would, as always, be most attentive to her, and that she would have to tolerate her insincere compliments, which were as troublesome to her as Miss Bingley's constant demeaning remarks about everyone who was neither a Bingley nor a Darcy. She was not blind as to the true intention of Miss Bingley's civility to her; she had lived in fear for some time that William would fall into her snares, and had been much relieved when one day he had made his opinion of his friend's sister clear in a conversation with her. Now, of course, she had no worries whatsoever on that regard, apart from how Miss Bingley would react to William's obvious attentions to Elizabeth. With a sigh, she gathered herself together to go downstairs. She had delayed as long as she could by having breakfast brought to her room, but William would start thinking something was wrong if she did not appear soon. Well, perhaps she could escape quickly to practice her music, preferably for an very long time. 69

A bi ga il Rey nolds "My dear Georgiana!" came Miss Bingley's honeyed tones as soon as she entered the room. "I am so pleased to see you; I was beginning to fear that you might be unwell. How charming you look this morning!" "Thank you," she said softly. "I am quite well." Her eyes darted around the room, but she did not find William. Had he already made an escape? "Is my brother anywhere to be found? There was something I wished to tell him." "He and Charles have quite deserted us, I am afraid. They have gone to Longbourn with the intent of inviting dear Jane to dine with us today. I do not doubt that they will be back soon." Georgiana did not miss the mild venom in her voice when she spoke the name of her future sister, nor the scorn when she mentioned Longbourn. She opened her eyes wide, and said, "Oh, I am so sorry to have missed them! I do love going to call at Longbourn - everyone there is always so lively and pleasant." She hoped that neither William nor Bingley would see fit to mention that on the one occasion when she had visited Longbourn, she had been far too nervous to say more than five words to anyone but Elizabeth. Miss Bingley looked taken aback, but recovered quickly. "I am so glad to hear that you have found friends here, then. I have been worried that you might be lonely, given how limited the country society is." "Oh, I have not found it limited at all! It reminds me of Pemberley. But if Miss Bennet is coming to dinner, I had best go practice my music now. I promised William that I would work faithfully every day on my Mozart." Georgiana hastened to depart, but was forced by politeness to listen to several more rounds of compliments on her musical abilities and dedication to practice before she could retire to the peace of the music room. Dinner was made more agreeable for Georgiana by the addition of Elizabeth to the party, a change which clearly had not been communicated earlier to Miss Bingley, to judge by the look on her face when the guests arrived. Georgiana stayed close by Elizabeth's side as much as she could, despite frequent efforts on the part of Miss Bingley to draw her off into conversation. She noticed that Elizabeth appeared not the least intimidated by either Miss Bingley or Mrs. Hurst, but instead met all of their sneering civilities with pleasant discourse, showing her to be more truly well-bred than the others, thought Georgiana. Darcy was less satisfied with the progress of the evening. He had grown accustomed to being able to spend time with Elizabeth either alone or with only 70

THE RULE OF REASON Georgiana present, a situation in which her wit and teasing were allowed full rein, much to his delight. She was more subdued in this company, no doubt due to the need to fend off the comments of Bingley's sisters. Also, though he had spent time with her that morning, and now again this evening, it was clear that he would not have her to himself for so much as a minute, a situation that was definitely not to his liking, especially after what had happened at their last meeting. His frame of mind would have been improved had he been aware that Elizabeth was sharing some of those same sentiments. Overall, she told herself firmly, she believed that the presence of Miss Bingley was going to be quite helpful, since she would certainly do everything within her power to prevent Darcy from being alone with Elizabeth, but at the same time, she could not help but admit that she missed his warm, intent looks and his touch. The only brief moment of relief she experienced was when Darcy and Bingley attended them to their carriage at the closure of their visit, and Darcy was able, while Jane and Bingley bid one another a prolonged adieu, to hold her hand well longer than necessary when handing her into the carriage. When the gentlemen returned inside, it was only to discover Miss Bingley, who had carefully noted where Darcy's attention had lingered during the evening, venting her feelings in criticisms of Elizabeth's person, behavior, and dress. "For my own part, I must confess that I never could see any beauty in her. Her face is too thin; her complexion has no brilliancy; and her features are not at all handsome. Her nose wants character; there is nothing marked in its lines. Her teeth are tolerable, but not out of the common way; and as for her eyes, which have sometimes been called so fine...." "I think she is quite lovely," Georgiana interrupted, her heart pounding so loudly she was sure it could have been heard at Longbourn, and the attention of the entire party turned immediately on her in response to this extremely novel behaviour on her part. Darcy looked at her as if she had suddenly turned into a stranger, though not in a displeased way at all. Miss Bingley recovered quickly, and, though she should have recognized that she was not recommending herself to either Darcy or Georgiana, angry people are not always wise. She continued, "I remember, when we first knew her, how amazed we all were to find that she was a reputed beauty; and I particularly recollect your saying one night, Mr. Darcy, after they had been dining at Netherfield, "She a beauty! - I should as soon call her mother a wit." But afterwards she seemed to improve on you, I believe." 71

A bi ga il Rey nolds Georgiana's eyes turned on her brother full of shocked reproach, hardly able to credit that he could have said such a thing, but when he did not deny it, she said, astonished by her daring, "Miss Bingley, Elizabeth is a dear friend of mine, and I will thank you not to speak of her in such a way in my presence. I find her pleasant, witty, generous, and altogether too well-bred to make the kind of derogatory comments I have just been hearing." As soon as the words stopped pouring out of her mouth, she realized that she had gone too far. With a stricken look, she whispered a 'good night' to the room in general and turned and fled. Bingley recovered first. "Well, Darcy, I think that your little sister is growing up! You are going to have your hands full with her soon." "I am indeed," said Darcy thoughtfully. Miss Bingley could not stop herself. "Judging from her behavior, I cannot say that I believe that Miss Elizabeth Bennet is an altogether good influence on Georgiana, Mr. Darcy." "Quite the contrary," he said with a smile, thinking of how much he would enjoy telling an edited version of this tale to Elizabeth. "I believe she is just what Georgiana needs." He then went away, and Miss Bingley was left to all the satisfaction of having forced him to say what gave no one any pain but herself. There was no response when Darcy knocked at the door of Georgiana's room. Suspecting that she was hiding, he said, "Georgiana, it's William. I know you are in there; please open the door." A moment later his sister appeared and let him into her sitting room. She did not meet his eyes, and looked as if she was expecting a scolding. "I just wanted to see if you were well; you looked upset when you left," he said somewhat awkwardly. "I am quite well," she responded quietly. "Are you angry with me?" "Far from it. I was proud of you for speaking up to Miss Bingley," he said. She did not reply. Darcy shifted in his chair uncomfortably, wondering what in the world to say to her. Elizabeth would know, he thought, and indulged in a brief fantasy of riding to Longbourn and telling Elizabeth he needed her to talk to Georgiana for him. Then, while he was bringing her back, he would .... he pushed those thoughts away firmly. 72

THE RULE OF REASON "Why did you not say anything when she was being so horrible about Elizabeth?" she asked accusatorily. Darcy sighed. "That is a perfectly reasonable question, I suppose. I imagine that I would have said something sooner or later, but I have developed a great tolerance for disregarding the kind of remarks she was making. Also, the more jealous Miss Bingley becomes of my regard for Miss Bennet, the more offensively she treats her, so in a certain way I protect her more by saying nothing." "I never thought about that part," she said. "But did you really say that horrible thing about Elizabeth and her mother?" He swore to himself that if he ever managed to convince Elizabeth to marry him, she would have to handle all the serious conversations with Georgiana. She had never before questioned his behavior, and certainly not in this manner. "Yes, I did, or something much like it. I have said a great many illjudged things in my life which I regret, and that would certainly be high on the list." Georgiana bit her lip, wondering if she truly dared to ask the question she most wanted the answer to. "Are you going to propose to Elizabeth?" Darcy was back on solid ground now. "Elizabeth and I are just friends." "There is no need to treat me like a child. I've seen how you look at her." "This is a private matter, Georgiana," he said in a voice that declared the subject closed. Georgiana subsided, not yet ready to openly defy him. Perhaps I shall ask Elizabeth, she thought. Darcy could not, off hand, recall any instance in which he was as annoyed with his sister as he was at the moment when she began Elizabeth's next visit by announcing that she was looking forward to visiting with Elizabeth alone, and promptly took her off to her rooms. He tried to console himself with the knowledge that he would have been unable to converse with her in private in any case, much less follow up on the delightful finish to their recent day together, but he was at the point of feeling such a degree of deprivation of her company that his irritation remained unchanged. It had been over a week since the day she had kissed him, and he had not been one minute alone with her since. It was enough to drive a man to distraction, or at least to contemplate kidnapping, he thought. 73

A bi ga il Rey nolds Elizabeth gave him a sympathetic glance in response to his obvious disgruntlement before she and Georgiana went out, but it provided little comfort. Darcy was feeling quite obsessed with the many things he was denied at the moment: he longed for time alone with Elizabeth, he wanted the opportunity to kiss her again, he needed to know what she was feeling about him, and above all, he desired her love. He hated being so mystified by the state of her regard for him; she obviously felt something, but how much was attraction and how much was affection baffled him. At times, he thought he detected her concern for him, but then again, she never seemed particularly pleased to see him, and was more likely to greet Bingley or Georgiana with a warm smile than him. He had seen desire in her eyes, but not a look of tenderness or affection. It was ironic; when he proposed to her in Kent, he had not been particularly concerned about whether she cared about him -- as long as she was willing to marry him, the reason was unimportant. Now it was the caring that concerned him most, and it would be a bitter ending indeed to win her for any reason but her love. Sighing, he decided that if he could not be with Elizabeth, he might at least be productive, and retreated to the room he was using as his study to tackle the enormous pile of papers his steward had sent him. Elizabeth was not in the least confused about how Darcy was feeling at the moment, since he had done an abysmal job of hiding his frustration. She was rather inclined to sympathize, as she had missed his company as well, but she was also amused at Georgiana's unusual assertiveness, and curious as to why she would not want Darcy present, especially as she was of the opinion that Georgiana wanted to throw the two of them together as much as possible. Her suspicion was that there was something that Georgiana wished to confide in her, but, as it happened, that was quite far from the truth. Having decided that she was quite tired of being left in the dark, Georgiana was, in fact, preparing to interrogate Elizabeth, and her only real debate was how direct to be about her intentions. She eventually elected to be quite straight-forward, mostly out of doubt in her own ability to be subtle, but also feeling that this might suit Elizabeth better. She felt it best, though, to start with the relatively simple questions. "Have you thought any further about coming to Pemberley?" Elizabeth sighed; every time she saw Georgiana, this subject arose again. Darcy, on the other hand, carefully avoided any mention of Pemberley with her. "There truly is nothing for me to think about, since, as I have said, the decision is not mine." 74

THE RULE OF REASON "It seems as if you would really prefer not to visit us," she said somewhat plaintively. "Georgiana, I would be happy to visit you, but the idea of this particular visit as it stands is problematic at best. You have never met my aunt and uncle, and the truth is that they move in very different circles than you. I think it would be preferable if we merely called on you." "I would like to meet them, though, and I am certain they would be more congenial company than Miss Bingley and the Hursts!" "Well, I confess that I would think them so, but that hardly matters." "Of course it does! I feel certain that William would enjoy their company as well." She paused, then asked, "May I ask if you are promised to someone else?" Elizabeth looked at her in great surprise. "No, I can assure you that I am not promised to anyone. Why do you ask?" "It was just a thought. When my cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, wrote to me last, he said that I should tell you the story of my parents' courtship, and that made me wonder, because my mother had been promised to another man." "And what, pray, is the story of their courtship?" asked Elizabeth with great curiosity as to the role the Colonel might be playing, and whether he was speaking on Darcy's behalf or his own. "Well, I really do not know all the details, because everyone stopped talking about it after my mother died, and it is much more amusing when my uncle tells it. So you should really ask William, or Richard, or my uncle." "But you must know the outlines of the story, at least," hinted Elizabeth. "Oh, yes. Well, when my father met my mother, he announced that same day that he was going to marry her, and he proposed to her pretty much daily for a long time, and then somehow it was settled with her fiancé to end the engagement. It was more complicated than that, but as I said, I do not know the details." "An interesting tale," said Elizabeth, amused by what she assumed to be the moral of the story regarding the persistence of men of the Darcy family. "Do you remember your mother well?" "Only a little; I was only five when she died, and she was ill all my life, or at least never well. She became very ill after I was born, and never completely recovered. She and William were very close, though; it was very hard for him when she died, I think." 75

A bi ga il Rey nolds "It must have been hard for all of you." "I hardly understood what was happening, but I know that my father was devastated, and that he and William had some problems after that." "Oh?" Elizabeth did not wish to pry, but found that she was very interested in hearing about Darcy's earlier years. "As I understand it, my father had a difficult time being around William for a while, because he reminded him so much of our mother. And then there was .... a person, who was quite a favorite of my father's, who tried to turn him against William for his own benefit. After that there was never the same trust between them again, which grieved William, who wanted very much to please him. I believe that it was a little better at the end, when my father was dying, and William came home to take over the management of the estate, and he could see how serious William was about it." Georgiana risked a glance at Elizabeth, wondering what she thought of this. "I imagine he would be very serious about it." "Oh, yes, and after he died, William had no time for anything but managing Pemberley for the longest time. There had been some mismanagement in the last year of my father's life, after his steward had died, and of course he had so much to learn. I remember that whenever I would try to see him, he would either be out on the estate or buried behind a huge pile of paper in the study. But he always found time for me, anyway." "An ideal elder brother." "Oh, yes! There could not be a better one. Are you in love with him?" Elizabeth could not help smiling at the abruptness and earnestness of the question. It rather reminded her of Darcy's behavior, but what seemed demanding in him was more endearing in his sister. "That is a very personal question," she said gently. Georgiana looked crestfallen. "I'm sorry. I .... it is just so frustrating watching William, and not knowing what is happening, or why he doesn't just propose to you..... I'm sorry, I should not have said that either." "It sounds as if you need to be asking him these questions, not me." Georgiana made a face. "Yes, and then he starts acting as if I were still eleven years old, and tells me that you are just friends in his 'don't ask any more questions' voice. And I think that he is the reason you are avoiding coming to Pemberley, though I am at a loss as to why." Elizabeth could not help laughing at this characterization, which seemed very apt to her, and she could well imagine how frustrating it must be 76

THE RULE OF REASON for Georgiana - even more frustrating than Georgiana's persistence on the question of Pemberley was becoming. "Your brother and I are both very strongwilled, and this means that we have a number of difficulties to work out between us before we could even begin to discuss marriage. We are also prone to rather explosive and hurtful quarreling, and it is not unlikely that we would do better if we are not in each other's company constantly. So you must not be too hard on him for not proposing; I am sure that he wishes it were that simple." "I don't see why he has to make everything so complicated!" she said somewhat petulantly. Elizabeth laughed sympathetically, feeling rather sorry for Darcy if his sister was faulting him for failing to propose to her. "Georgiana, dearest, did it ever occur to you that I might be the one who is creating difficulties?" "You?" Georgiana said in disbelief. "Why in the world would you not want to marry him? There is no better man to be found anywhere!" "Even if he still treats you like a child?" Elizabeth said with a smile. "Elizabeth! That is not what I meant!" "Well, as it happens, I do not like being treated like a child either. But have patience with us, my dear, and try not be too hard on your brother." A knock came at the door, and in response to Georgiana's call to enter, the door opened to reveal a roguishly determined-looking Darcy. "Miss Bennet, I have come to abduct you," he said purposefully. "To abduct me! Where, pray tell, are you planning to take me, sir?" Elizabeth teased. "Almost anywhere will do," responded Darcy in a mock growl. "I have always wanted to see Italy," Elizabeth said thoughtfully. " 'Tempt not a desperate man,' Miss Bennet." " 'Beware of desp'rate steps', Mr. Darcy!" Darcy gave a wicked smile. " 'Peace! I will stop thy mouth.' " Elizabeth opened her mouth to protest the obvious conclusion, but Darcy was too quick for her, and bent over to press a firm kiss on her lips. Astonished at this behavior in front of his sister, Elizabeth fixed a stare on him which had little effect on his very satisfied look. " 'O, what men dare do!' " she retorted. "Remember, Miss Bennet, that I am desperate," he replied, taking her by the hand and tugging her toward the door. "Please excuse us, Georgiana," he said to his stunned sister. 77

A bi ga il Rey nolds Elizabeth, amused by this unexpectedly playful and unrestrained side of him, followed cooperatively if not without a bit of apprehension of being observed. Fortunately, he managed to lead her as far as his study without interruption, and then released her only to close the door behind them and lock it. When he turned to face her, she allowed a raised eyebrow and a severely doubtful look to speak for her. Darcy had the grace to look slightly guilty, and stood away from the door. "You are welcome to leave whenever you wish, Miss Bennet; but this house is full of people who seem determined to keep us apart, and I do not want to be interrupted." He had not in fact planned beyond this point when the thought had occurred to him that his initial idea of kidnapping had some merit. "Well, Mr. Darcy," said Elizabeth, a smile lurking about her lips, "what is it that you want? No, wait, I withdraw that question; I shall ask instead whether there is a particular purpose to this abduction." "A purpose to this abduction? Perhaps I should start instead with your first question, which addressed what I want," he said, fully aware that this was the first time he had been alone with her in a week, and of how simple it would be for him to take her into his arms, and damn the risk of being caught. Elizabeth easily recognized the look in his eyes, and her own reaction was sufficient to give her serious doubts about the wisdom being behind a closed door with him. She was sufficiently sensitive to her desires after so long without his touch to respond to no more than a look, and realized the necessity of a distraction. "I had quite an enlightening visit with your sister," she said with a playful smile. "Since Georgiana usually says so little, I had not realized that when she chooses, she can be almost as persistent as certain of her relations." "That she can," he said, his eyes hungrily devouring her. "And what was she after today?" "Among other things, she is continuing to persist in her invitations to Pemberley." She was beginning to find it difficult to think about anything apart from her body's treacherous demands and her desire to run her fingers through his hair. In an effort to clear her mind, she walked to the window and stood looking out. She found having her back to him to be an improvement; she still felt tingly all over, but at least she could concentrate a bit. "It is becoming a bit difficult to continue to decline without risking hurting her feelings." "Then why not accept the invitation?" he asked. 78

THE RULE OF REASON Her heart began to pound as she heard him moving closer. "Even if I had the right to make such plans, which I do not, I have doubts about the wisdom of bringing my aunt and uncle there, as I have no desire to have my relatives be an embarrassment to you. Given that you have been quite silent on the subject of the visit, I suspect that you have reservations as well." "You would be far from correct in that supposition. I have quite strong feelings on the subject, and they are not reservations." "I am well aware that such a visit would excite the scorn of many of those in your social circle, and that your relatives would be appalled." She could feel that he was close behind her, and she was beginning to find it difficult to breathe. Unable to resist temptation, he put his hand on her shoulder. The nearness of his fingers to the uncovered skin of her neck made him almost dizzy. "If they feel that way, then they are no loss to me," he said, images of Elizabeth at Pemberley leading him to those possessive and passionate feelings he tried so hard to keep in check -- images of her face across the table from him, the warmth and softness of her in his arms, of her lying in his bed, her dark hair spread across the pillow, her inviting smile for him alone. His hand almost involuntarily slid the short distance across the neckline of her dress to caress the skin of her shoulder. She was even softer than he had imagined. The touch of his hand on her sensitive skin ignited a fire in Elizabeth that was impossible to ignore. She found herself leaning her head away from his hand to allow him greater access. As he accepted the invitation by stroking his fingertips along the line of her shoulder to her neck where he continued his caresses, she felt flooded with sensations of excitement and pleasure. Slipping his free hand around her waist, he drew her back against him, and slid his other hand slowly down her arm to join it. She felt enthralled by the feeling of his strong body against her back, and she arched her head back to claim even more of him. The sensation of being enclosed by his arms was one she could never have imagined, one that spoke both of safety and fierce desire, love and yearning. He spoke softly in her ear. "Regardless of whether you choose to come to Pemberley or not, Pemberley already belongs to you, and has for many months now." His lips grazed her neck, sending shivers through her. "Elizabeth Darcy has been gracing the halls and rooms of Pemberley since my first stay at Netherfield. While I have been passionately admiring Miss Elizabeth Bennet," he paused to trail a line of kisses along her neck, "every night in my dreams she 79

A bi ga il Rey nolds has been walking by my side at Pemberley, and she will always haunt me there, no matter what choice you make." With every phrase he allowed himself to explore her softness further, placing kisses in the hollows of her shoulders, the sensitive skin behind her ear, and every point in between. "Yes, I want you to come to Pemberley; I want to show you every nook and cranny, to take you through every part of the grounds, until it means as much to you as it does to me." She was deeply moved by the intensity of feeling in his words even as she found herself almost unbearably aroused by his caresses, each touch causing such intense sensations of delight and desire to course through her that she felt she could hardly bear it. Needing more, she turned her head and sought his lips with her own with a hunger that could not be disguised. The shock when their lips met stirred her deeply, and the kisses that followed, unlike the gentle and testing ones he had given her before, were filled with urgency and need. She wanted to relieve his distress, she yearned for his touch, and she longed to surrender herself completely to him. "Will you come to Pemberley?" he asked against her lips, before exploring them again with a thoroughness that devastated her defenses, leaving her so aroused that she felt that she felt she could deny him nothing. "Yes," she whispered, as she felt his fingers tracing lines of fire along her sides, and she knew that, had he asked her at that moment to marry him, she would have agreed to that as well. Darcy, intoxicated by the feel of her, the taste of her, and most of all by her response which was passionate beyond all his hopes, knew that he was risking losing himself in her as he had done so often in his dreams, but knew not how to stop himself from slaking his incredible thirst for her. He tried to focus on the thought of her anger at his behavior that was sure to follow, but as she pressed herself against him and sought more of his kisses, he lost all ability to care for anything beyond the moment. Elizabeth felt equally lost, but as his lips traveled from hers down to the nape of her neck, where they wrought complete havoc on any remaining selfcontrol that she might have, she opened her eyes for a moment and found herself looking through the window straight into the shocked face of Caroline Bingley. Her gasp of horror and sudden stiffening caught Darcy's attention even before she managed to speak his name, and he looked up, fearing to find that she was angry with his attentions. Only someone who knew him as well as 80

THE RULE OF REASON Colonel Fitzwilliam would have been able to recognized the slight shift in his face from desire to quiet fury when he met the eyes of the true source of her distress, nor recognized that he was acting on that anger when he followed the course of action which he knew would upset the interloper more than anything else, which was to resume scattering kisses across Elizabeth's face and neck. As Miss Bingley turned her back with an obvious sneer and walked off, Elizabeth pulled away from him and covered her hands over her face. When word of this reached Longbourn, she knew, her father would have no mercy; she would find herself married to Darcy before the end of the week. She should return home right away, and try to control the damage with a confession before the news arrived, she thought, and then realized that such an outcome would be the last thing that Miss Bingley would desire. No, she would keep her peace about what she had seen in order to keep her own options with Darcy open, rather than risk forcing him into a marriage with Elizabeth. "I suppose that I should say thank heaven that was Caroline Bingley," she said shakily, struggling to regain her equanimity. "She is the one person who has more to lose than we do if word of our behavior were to spread, so I must admit that in this circumstance, there is no one on whom I would rather depend." Darcy gave a somewhat ragged laugh. "Do you know, I do not believe that I have ever heard anyone say that of her before." I have nothing to lose, he thought, and I could only wish that you felt the same. He ached to embrace her again. The shock and fear had initially driven all feelings of desire from Elizabeth, but as she looked at Darcy, she began to wish that she was back in his arms. "We should find Georgiana again," she said determinedly. "Perhaps so," he acknowledged, reminding himself that it was a success that she did not appear angry with him. He unlocked the door and held it open for her, and as she walked past, he caught her by one hand and kissed her lightly, looking for some kind of reassurance. He was relieved to see that she smiled in return, albeit worriedly. Damn Caroline Bingley, he thought. Miss Bingley was furious. Her presence outside Darcy's window that day had not been accidental; knowing that he had sequestered himself in his study to work, she had resolved to walk the paths just outside in hopes that he would notice her through the window and feel the urge to join her. Little had she expected the discovery that she made. 81

A bi ga il Rey nolds How dare that little chit waltz in and steal Darcy out from under her nose? She sniffed - from what she had seen, it seemed all too obvious just what temptations Eliza Bennet had used to snare Mr. Darcy. The poor man probably never even knew what had happened to him. Well, his regrets would come soon enough, when he tired of her charms but still had to deal with the mortification of her family. How could he even consider marrying her, after all he had said about Jane Bennet not being good enough for Charles? Eliza's connections were just as low, and her behavior less suitable than Jane's. How could he think of making her Mistress of Pemberley? Or was he thinking that at all? After all, he had been admiring Eliza Bennet for many months, and there had been no hint of an engagement, and from what she had seen, he certainly seemed to be getting what he wanted from her without the benefit of marriage. Could she have misjudged the situation? After all, if she were married to Mr. Darcy, she would not care how many Eliza Bennets he kept on the side. Perhaps that was the approach to take - she would make it clear to him that she understood the needs of a man of the world, and would not begrudge him his outside interests. She would let him know that he could have it all, both a decently bred woman to be Mistress of Pemberley, and Eliza Bennet to warm his bed. But first it would be necessary to make certain that he did not have the idea of marrying Eliza Bennet in his head -- Darcy could be very stubborn when he set his mind to it. A plan began to form in her mind. Yes, by the time she was done, no one would consider Eliza Bennet as marriageable material, and she would be lucky to do so well as to find a wealthy protector. Miss Bingley sat down and began to calculate her strategy. Soon her maid came to help her prepare for bed. Caroline made certain that she drew out the process, being sure to look as preoccupied as possible. Finally she felt ready to dangle the hook. "Elspeth," she said thoughtfully, "do you know Miss Eliza Bennet?" "A little bit, madam." "I had always been of the opinion that she was a reputable young lady." "Oh, yes, I believe so, madam." Caroline shook her head in a puzzled manner. "Hmm. I don't know what to make of it, then." She lapsed into deliberate silence. She had chosen her victim well, though; Elspeth had been invaluable in providing local gossip to her, and would hardly be able to resist something this tempting. "Is there a problem, madam?" Elspeth asked eagerly. 82

THE RULE OF REASON "Well, I probably shouldn't say, but you wouldn't tell a soul, would you?" "Oh, no, madam." "Today I happened to discover her with Mr. Darcy in a most compromising position. I was truly shocked, since I had always taken her as a woman of good character, and I know that she is well aware that Mr. Darcy is promised to his cousin, Anne de Bourgh. I just cannot decide if she may have been trying to entrap him, or whether perhaps she does not object to that kind of attention. I suppose Mr. Darcy might have been taking advantage of her, but I have known him for a very long time, and it seems quite unlike him, though of course any man can be tempted with sufficient provocation, I suppose." "Oh, madam, I have never heard that sort of story about Miss Bennet before, but if you like, I could ask some questions. I do know one of the girls who works at Longbourn sometimes." "Oh, no, Elspeth, we must have no questions. Remember, this is strictly between you and me, and I certainly would not want anyone to find out about this little episode; the consequences could be terrible." "Of course, madam. Is there anything else?" "No, you may go, but remember, not one word!" As she curtsied and left, Miss Bingley sat back with a sleek, satisfied smile on her face. Darcy spent a long night alternately lost in recollections of how it had felt to have Elizabeth in his arms and worrying over how she might be reacting to what had occurred between them. There had been no further opportunity for them to speak privately, and although she had seemed calm enough initially, during dinner she did seem to become slightly more withdrawn, and when he walked her out to the carriage, she did not seem inclined to meet his eyes, although she was perfectly pleasant to him. It was yet another of those times when he cursed his difficulty in ascertaining her feelings. He resolved to call on her the next morning; although he knew that she did not want any attention drawn to the time he spent with her, he knew he could not bear worrying about it for another day. Accordingly, he caught Bingley before he had managed to steal off to Longbourn, and engaged his cooperation to help him have a few minutes alone with Elizabeth. The plan went smoothly; although Elizabeth seemed surprised to see him, she readily agreed to walk out with Jane, Bingley, and him; and of course 83

A bi ga il Rey nolds Bingley was only too happy to make certain that he and Jane lagged well behind the other two, and eventually struck off on a different path. Darcy lost no time in taking Elizabeth's hand and drawing her to his side as they walked, and he smiled at her with a warm look. She acknowledged him with a somewhat restrained smile of her own, but seemed disinclined to make conversation, leading Darcy rapidly to the concern that he was likely correct that she was disturbed by the events of the previous evening. He debated how to begin, and finally said, "I believe I owe you an apology for my behavior yesterday." Elizabeth coloured. "I would prefer not to speak of it, sir." Indeed, she had spent much of the previous night chastising herself for her failure to stop his advances, and worrying about possible complications; although she still agreed with her initial assessment that Miss Bingley would likely not give them away for her own reasons, it had occurred to her that she was quite capable of seeking revenge in other ways. She was also concerned about how Darcy might have reacted to her shameless behavior; would it not reinforce all his concerns about the inappropriate conduct of members of the Bennet family? Darcy was at a loss - how was he to beg her forgiveness if she would not hear his apology? "I certainly have no desire to cause you any distress, so I shall say only that I would far rather hear your chastisement than to have this come between us." "I am in no position to chastise anyone," she replied in a low voice. He looked at her sharply, then stopped and took her by both hands. "Are you concerned that I might be upset with you?" he said with a degree of incredulity. She forced herself to look him in the eye. "My behavior was far from irreproachable." With a wordless exclamation he put his arms around her and held her tightly. "My dearest, when you give a man exactly what he has been longing to receive for many months, the last thing that would occur to him is to reproach you for your behavior!" His endearment and apparent assumption of an understanding between them was more than she could manage after a mostly sleepless night, and she found tears coming to her eyes. The harder she tried to suppress them, the more they threatened to overflow -- just like my feelings about this man, she thought, and began to cry in earnest. 84

THE RULE OF REASON Darcy, who was quite enjoying holding Elizabeth in his arms, took a few moments to realize that she was in tears, and then experienced a moment of panic not dissimilar to what he had felt recently with Georgiana. He felt that he should somehow understand what was upsetting her, but unfortunately had no idea what was the matter, having thought he had just reassured her. Clearly it was his fault in some way, and his guilt for causing her distress was great. Unsure as to the best course of action, he tried to comfort her by whispering endearments in her ear and holding her close to him, which unbeknownst to him had the unfortunate effect of fueling the fire of her distress. If only she would share her feelings with him! "My sweetest, please tell me what is troubling you," he pleaded. Elizabeth was trying desperately to think of nothing beyond the fact that he was comforting her; she knew that she could never say what was truly disturbing her without hurting him deeply - how could she tell him how much against her better judgment her attraction to him was? She was also aware that once she stopped crying, she would have to tell him to cease referring to her in the affectionate manner which he was using. Exhausted with both her constant inner struggle against her feelings towards him and the more outward struggle not to accede to the liberties he tried to take, she wanted nothing more than to give up the battle and agree to be his simply to conclude the matter, but she knew full well how quickly she would come to rue such a cowardly decision. Finally she calmed herself enough to respond, and said slowly, "I am simply not ready for this." Darcy thought carefully before replying. "If I take your meaning correctly, I believe you may be trying to tell me that this is happening too quickly for you. Am I anywhere close?" She nodded, her face still buried in his chest. He kissed her hair, savoring the softness and the sweet scent of roses in it. "We can go more slowly, then; we have all the time in the world before us. I will not rush you." She could not help laughing through her tears at his words. "Mr. Darcy, I certainly do not mean to suggest that you are not a man of your word, but I strongly advise that you refrain from promising the impossible. I am afraid that I do not believe you constitutionally capable of not rushing me." Her characterization forced a smile from him. "There is perhaps some truth to that. Perhaps I should promise instead to do my best not to rush you, and to listen when you tell me that I am moving too quickly." 85

A bi ga il Rey nolds "That is much more credible, sir." As she calmed herself, she allowed herself to enjoy the feeling of resting her head against him and the comfort of his arms around her. This lasted only a brief time, though, as Darcy, while far from wishing to give up his current desirable position, was cognizant of the fact that he had just agreed to slow down his demands of her, and forced himself to release her. He consoled himself with the thought that she had, by asking him not to rush her, implicitly acknowledged that she had accepted that they were headed toward further intimacy. "I appreciate your understanding, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth said softly as they began walking again. He looked at her, and their eyes caught in a long gaze. "I do not ever wish to distress you in any way," he responded. After several minutes, he added, "There is one matter in which I will need your assistance, Miss Bennet." "And what is that, sir?" she asked. "I do not wish to offend you, but I am afraid that in order to keep my word, I stand in need of your advice as to what constitutes rushing you, and what does not." Elizabeth, as she took his meaning, blushed scarlet. It was a reasonable question, but she could think of no way in any modesty to answer it, nor, even could she answer, could she have produced a consistent response. On some occasions, one of his intent gazes felt like more than she could bear, but at other times, her tolerance was quite different. Darcy had not wished to embarrass her, but he did have to admit that she looked exceedingly appealing when she blushed. Recognizing the impossible position in which he had put her, he sought a way to obtain the needed information without forcing her to state directly which liberties she would accept. Thoughtfully, he took her hand in his as they continued to walk. "I believe that this is not rushing you; am I correct in that assessment?" She nodded. "Nor this?" He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it, then held it close to his chest, and she nodded again. "How about this?" he asked, placing a series of light kisses in the palm of her hand. She dropped her eyes, but still nodded infinitesimally. "Your pardon, Miss Bennet; I am afraid my question was not clear. Do you mean to say yes, that is rushing you, or yes, that is acceptable?" "No, that is not too much," she said quietly, though not without doubts about the accuracy of her answer, given the strength of her reaction. 86

THE RULE OF REASON Tread lightly, now! he cautioned himself. Stopping, he stepped closer to her and allowed his lips to caress her hair. "Is that too much?" She shook her head, eyes still downcast. Taking a deep breath and reminding himself of the necessity of self-control, Darcy tipped up her chin with one finger and permitted his lips to touch hers for the briefest moment. She closed her eyes at the moment he kissed her, feeling the impossible sensations of pleasure lance through her, and then reopened them to look up at him. "Sometimes," she said. He raised an eyebrow. "Sometimes?" "Sometimes," she repeated with a smile, then added with an air of impudence, "I never said it would be simple." "No, it never is simple, is it? Very well, sometimes then." He kissed her gently again, but more lingeringly this time, and allowed himself to taste the pleasure of her lips before pulling back. "Too much?" She looked at him with some hesitancy. "Yes," she said softly. He inclined his head. "My apologies, Miss Bennet; I shall attempt to keep that in mind." Her hand crept up and touched his cheek. His response to her touch was instantaneous and electrifying. "But please do it again," she whispered. Looking at her in confusion as if trying to clarify this contradictory request, he saw a look of tenderness in her eyes that had never been there in the past, and he could not resist it. "Elizabeth," he whispered, and reclaimed her lips, struggling to keep his hunger in check, and as she responded, he drew her gently and slowly into his arms, prepared to release her if she hesitated in any way. Elizabeth, trembling from the intimacy of hearing him use her name, found her hands stealing up around his neck, and she surrendered into the fullness of his embrace as his lips tantalized hers. All too soon it came to an end, though, as Darcy began to feel his control slipping. Determined not to go beyond the limit she had set, he released her and stepped back. Her hands slid to his chest, where they paused a moment before dropping, only to be caught by his. She smiled at him tentatively, and he tugged on her hand and began walking again, knowing far too well what would likely happen if they remained as they were. A change of subject seemed in order. "I am looking forward to meeting your aunt and uncle. Are they aware of my presence here?" 87

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Yes, I wrote my aunt and mentioned that you were interested in making her acquaintance, so she should not be too surprised." She smiled briefly. "I also told her that we were on rather more cordial terms than we had been the last time that you were in Hertfordshire." She decided against mentioning the friendly conversations that had taken place between her aunt and Mr. Wickham when the Gardiners had visited Longbourn last, but she had also written a warning regarding Wickham's unreliability, lest Mrs. Gardiner be inclined to hold his information against Darcy. "She knew something of your past opinions, then?" "Yes, when they visited last December, Mr. Bingley was still a major topic of conversation, and I believe that you were often mentioned in conjunction with him," she prevaricated, since it had in fact been Wickham who most frequently raised Darcy's name. "But both my aunt and uncle are eminently sensible people, and unlikely to make judgments based on hearsay." They continued to talk pleasantly on what became quite a long ramble, since neither felt an inclination to lose the company of the other. As they finally approached Longbourn, Darcy, unable to help himself, asked, "May I have the privilege of seeing you tomorrow?" She looked at him with a teasing smile. "I imagine that I might be able to steal away for an early morning walk, if that would be of interest." "You know perfectly well that it would be of great interest, madam," he said, making no attempt to hide his pleasure that she had not only agreed, but had for the first time suggested a way to allow them to be alone. Looking up, she saw the familiar intent look enter his eyes, and felt an immediate rush of desire for his touch, but their location on an open road prohibited any action. She gave an amused smile as she saw him reaching the same conclusion with a degree of annoyance. "Tomorrow is a very long time away, Miss Bennet," he said persuasively. She gave him an arch look. "I suppose you will say next that no one has taken the time to show you the wildflowers that bloom behind the churchyard wall." "Are they very private wildflowers?" "They never share their secrets with anyone," she assured him gravely. "Have I mentioned, Miss Bennet, that wildflowers are a particular passion of mine, and that I hope that they are very nearby?" 88

THE RULE OF REASON "I would not want to keep you from one of your particular passions, sir," she said provocatively. Gesturing down a path by the church, she added, "They are this way, if you would care to see them." Interestingly, afterwards Darcy would have been hard pressed to recall anything at all of the wildflowers.

89

A bi ga il Rey nolds

Chapter 7

Darcy awoke early the next morning for his rendezvous with Elizabeth, surfacing from a most passionate dream about that lady. The responsiveness she had shown to his attentions in the last two days had caused an intensification of his dreams, both sleeping and waking, and his imagination had proved remarkably adept at recalling how it felt to kiss her. Restraint! he cautioned himself. You are incredibly fortunate that she seems inclined to give you what you desire -- let her do it in her own time! He dressed with unusual care, whistling all the while, to the bemusement of Wilkins. At last satisfied with his appearance, he set off. Elizabeth, having awoken to the same thoughts and meditations which had at length closed her eyes the previous night, was beginning to contemplate the possibility that love was incompatible with a good night's sleep, a proposition that Darcy would have seconded, had he been aware of her opinion. Dreams of a Pemberley that was an even grander and more pretentious version of Rosings were interspersed with confusing sensations of kisses where she felt a longing for something more, but knew not what, leaving her embarrassed by her desires when she finally awoke. She was anxious to see Darcy, yet worried by her wishes and the noticeable softening that seemed to have occurred in her feelings towards him in the last days. She reminded herself that it would be difficult to feel unkindly toward a man after the intimacy of crying in his arms, but somehow even she could not credit this as responsible for the change. She felt a certain pleasurable kind of anxiety as she walked out, and found herself wondering how the time with him would go. Her heart skipped a 90

THE RULE OF REASON beat when she spotted a dark form ahead in the grove where they had agreed to meet, and she hurried forward until she was near enough to see the look of passionate welcome in his eyes. Accustomed to subdued greetings from Elizabeth, Darcy experienced quite a surprising burst of pleasure when she smiled on seeing him. God knew he never felt that he had a clue as to what she was thinking of him, but surely this had to be a good sign. Advancing toward her, he took both of her hands in his and pressed a kiss on each one. "Good morning, Miss Bennet." "Good morning, Mr. Darcy," she said with a hint of her impudent smile. If you keep looking at me like that, my love, I am going to disgrace myself by trying to make my dreams a reality, he thought. "Have you a destination in mind for us today?" She hesitated a moment before nodding. The place she had in mind was quite secluded, but he seemed to be in a relatively restrained mood, so she thought it would be safe enough. She led him along little-used footpaths to a small woods, which they skirted briefly before following what appeared to be a deer trail a short ways between the trees. As Darcy ducked under low-hanging branches, he wondered if she knew what she was about in taking him to such an isolated spot. Part of him believed that she had not given the matter a thought, but another part insisted on hoping that her desires matched his. She stopped when they came to a small clearing where a stream ran beneath two large willows. He saw her glance at him as if to see his reaction, and wondered if this was a test of some sort. Stepping toward the stream, he parted the boughs of one of the willows to discover a sheltered space, and just beyond it, a grassy bank leading down to the water's edge. Looking back at her, he said, "This is a lovely hideaway. Did you discover it?" He was gratified to see a pleased smile on her face - evidently his reaction was satisfactory. "It is my retreat," she said as she approached him. "Thank you for sharing it with me," he said softly, noting a look of warmth in her eyes which made all of his resolutions that much more difficult to keep. In search of a distraction, he noticed the ribbons of her bonnet blowing gently in the wind. Almost without thought he reached over to her and untied them, noticing that she lifted her chin to permit his action. He raised his hands to her temples and gently removed the bonnet. He noted that her hair was looped up in a simpler style than usual - presumably she had left Longbourn before the servants were available to style it - and his fingers itched to discover 91

A bi ga il Rey nolds what it would take to make it come down. Tracing a line down her cheek with his fingers, he was delightfully startled when she turned her face into his hand and kissed it lightly. Elizabeth found the silence mesmerizing as he looked at her intently, apparently waiting for her to make a move. How could so simple an act as removing a bonnet be so arousing? she asked herself. Already feeling that she had exposed more of herself than made her comfortable by bringing him to a place so special to her, her reaction only increased her uncomfortable sense of vulnerability. Not trusting herself to speak, she took his hand and led him over to the bank of the stream. When she came to the edge where there was a bit of a scramble to reach the water, he held her back while he went ahead, and then lifted her down. She laughed as she looked up at him, his hands still resting on her waist. "Mr. Darcy, I have managed to do this on my own for many years!" she said, smiling. "Are you trying to deprive me of excuses to hold you?" he asked. With a playful look, she freed herself, and, with the ease of long practice, held up her skirts and began to cross the shallow stream, stepping gingerly from rock to rock. Part way across, she reached down and ran her fingers through the cool water, then, with an impudent smile, flicked her fingers to send a spray of droplets in his direction. At the look of feigned outrage on his face, she continued her journey at a more rapid pace as he set off in pursuit of her, his long legs giving him an advantage outweighing her greater knowledge of the route. Just before she reached the opposite bank, he caught her hand, causing her to reel precariously to keep her balance. "I believe that I have you at a disadvantage, Miss Bennet," he said mischievously. "How so, sir?" "Why, in that my boots are higher than the water is deep, whereas yours are not," he said, with a challenge in his eye. Elizabeth, unable to resist, pulled sharply at his hand, causing him to stumble into the water. He continued, "See, I am completely protected. You, on the other hand, have placed yourself at grave risk." Laughing, she tried to pull her hand away, but with a firm tug, he caused her to overbalance, but swept her up in his arms before she could fall. "And now, Miss Bennet, I have you quite at my mercy, since if you try to escape from me, you will certainly end up quite wet." 92

THE RULE OF REASON Elizabeth, already feeling completely at his mercy owing to the overwhelming flood of sensation that she was experiencing from the way he was holding her, said archly, "And what do you intend to do with me, then, Mr. Darcy?" He bent his head to trace kisses along her neck, so conveniently available to him in this position, and caressed her leg with the fingers of his hand supporting her knees, causing exquisite feelings of pleasure to run through her. "I am certain that I can think of something," he murmured as he moved his mouth to capture hers. "And what will happen if I refuse to cooperate in your nefarious schemes?" she retorted between breathtaking kisses. "Then it is into the water with you," he said, making as if to toss her. She shrieked and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "You would not dare!" "Actually, Miss Bennet," he said, finding her close embrace to be vastly appealing, "I think that you would look remarkably fetching when wet.. Of course, then I would feel obliged to find some way to keep you warm so that you would not take a chill, and naturally it would take some time for your clothes to dry, but I am certain that I could think of some way to pass the time..." "Mr. Darcy!" Elizabeth exclaimed, her cheeks scarlet at his forwardness, but he resumed kissing her with an ardor that left her with no desire to resist him. "In fact," he murmured roguishly, "I find the idea so appealing that perhaps I should seek out some deeper water to allow greater efficiency." He started to walk upstream. "No!" she cried. "I surrender, I surrender!" "Sweeter words have never been spoken," he said, reclaiming her lips. "Now, since you are my prisoner, I believe that it is my right to demand a ransom before setting you free." Elizabeth's breath caught at the idea of what he might request, even in jest. "And what did you have in mind, sir?" she said, pleased that her voice did not tremble. Thoughtfully, he allowed his eyes to sweep slowly over her from head to foot, his possessive, examining look sending tingling sensations of excitement throughout her, then met her eyes with a slight smile on his face. "I demand that you let your hair down," he told her, a roguish smile playing across his face. 93

A bi ga il Rey nolds He had chosen well, he thought. It was a very intimate request, and one that would fulfill one of his favorite fantasies, yet was not overly compromising. He watched the reaction flow across her face until she returned his gaze with a challenging one of her own. "Done, sir," she said. "Now pray return me safely to dry land." "At your service," he said, fulfilling her request. She immediately scrambled up the bank, and sat in the soft grass at the top. He did not remove his eyes from her for a moment, and when she paused, he added, "I am waiting, Miss Bennet." With a look that expressed a certain air of challenge, she reached her hands back and slowly removed several pins from her hair, aware of his fixed gaze through every inch of her body. She shook her head several times, causing a cascade of unruly dark curls to tumble down her back. He caught his breath at the captivating sight. Surely she would never have done that if she did not intend to accept me, he thought with a rush of pleasure. The combination of the intimacy of her appearance and her provocative gaze stimulated a sense of unreality which allowed him more control over his reaction than he might have expected, but he knew that he would have to guard his behavior closely to retain her trust. "Well, sir?" she said with a teasing defiance. "Very satisfactory, Miss Bennet," he replied, feeling as if he could be happy indefinitely just looking at her. "Do you plan to stay down there all day?" she asked. "Your wish is my command," he said, climbing the bank to sit by her side. He admired the sight of her hair blowing in the breeze, and longed to run his hands through its enticing richness, but knew that if he began to touch her now, the likelihood was that he would not be able to find the strength of will to stop. He leaned back on his elbows, thus keeping his hands out of harm's way. "You are suddenly very quiet, Mr. Darcy," she said with a raised eyebrow. He gave her a look which assured her of the content of his thoughts. "Sometimes, Miss Bennet, it is best to admire without comment." His reaction had surprised her; she had hardly expected after his earlier forwardness that he would suddenly revert to being the perfect gentleman, and it left her feeling somehow frustrated that he could stimulate such feelings of abandon in her, and then withdraw. She gave him an unconsciously seductive 94

THE RULE OF REASON glance, and noted with satisfaction his heightened colour. "I hope that I have not done anything to offend you." "Hardly, Miss Bennet; you are merely testing my self-control, and I believe it wisest to keep my hands to myself at the moment, lest I succumb to overwhelming temptation." He glanced at her, noting that her amused look verged on repressed laughter. "Are you so heartless as to laugh at my predicament, Miss Bennet?" "Yes, indeed; why should I not? After all, if I am both 'heartless' and 'overwhelming temptation,' you have no one to blame but yourself for starting it," she teased. Her laughter served to break the tension, and he reached to take her hand. "Oh, no, sir, you must keep your hands to yourself!" she said sportively. Willing to play her game, he placed his hands on the ground, and leaned over to kiss her, but at the last moment she pulled away. "I refuse to be a temptation, Mr. Darcy!" She looked at him expectantly, wondering how he would respond to her teasing refusals. "Let me see, then," he said thoughtfully, his eyes mischievous. "No hands, no kisses; what does that leave me?' Before she could protest, he shifted his position to allow him to rest his head in her lap. He smiled up at her engagingly, causing a delightful ripple of laughter from her. She found this playful, relaxed and flirtatious Darcy quite appealing, if difficult to fit together with the proper and reserved public man. She ran her fingers through his thick hair, then smoothed it away from his face. He closed his eyes in order to better enjoy her ministrations. He looked younger and somehow more vulnerable, and she felt a rush of affection for him. She held back a sigh, thinking how very confusing her feelings about him were. Which was the real Darcy - was it the man with the perpetually serious mien, or the one who delighted in verbal jousting? Proud and reserved, or shy? Always careful, never violating the proprieties, or lighthearted and forward? Sometimes it seemed that the only thing she could be certain of was what he wanted from her, and sometimes even that seemed to shift. She wondered if he would be content with her eventual acceptance, or whether he would continue to demand more and more of her private self. And then at times like this, it seemed that all he needed was someone to care about him for himself, not for what he could offer in terms of support or protection; and apart from his cousin, she could think of no one who treated him with affection and as an equal. He had been taking care of other people for so long -- who did he 95

A bi ga il Rey nolds turn to when he needed support? He seemed so independent, needing nothing and no one -- except you, a voice inside her said. A smile curved her lips as she considered the hubris it would require to take on the responsibility of taking care of Fitzwilliam Darcy. Continuing to stroke his hair, she let her eyes trace the lines of his face, wondering at her sanity in allowing herself to love this complex and often difficult man - as if she had allowed herself to love him; the truth was closer to what she had said of him at Hunsford, that she loved him against her will, against her reason, and even against her character. It certainly is poetic justice, she thought. He opened his eyes at that moment, catching the unguarded look of affection on her face. Well, if he was unsure before this how I feel about him, I have certainly just betrayed myself, she thought uneasily. Retreating behind a mask of humour, she said, "I was beginning to wonder if you were asleep, sir, you appeared so comfortable." Answering her in kind, he retorted, "And if I had, it would merely be because thoughts of you keep me awake at night." She raised her eyebrows. "It seems I have many sins to answer for in your mind, sir!" "And many more that I hope you will commit, as well," he said softly, wishing that he could see that caring look in her eyes again. Sitting up, he took her face between his hands and kissed her slowly and deeply, and slid his hands gradually back into the depths of her hair, allowing himself to be enveloped in complete sensation. He continued to kiss her until he deemed her ardor the equal of his, then pulled back to look at her. Seeing the warmth of desire in her eyes amidst the becoming dishevelment of her appearance, he felt gratified by his ability to give her pleasure. "You look very pleased with yourself," Elizabeth teased. "Oh, I am," he murmured enticingly. "Almost as pleased as I am with you." Wrapping his hand in a lock of her hair, he pulled her toward him in such a way that she ended up in his embrace when their lips met again. The exquisite sensations of delight that coursed through her in response to his touch seemed more than she could bear, and she knew in the deepest fibers of her being how much she wanted him. As his hands and his lips began to roam freely, she realized how very near she was to the point where she would allow him anything. Somehow she forced herself to say, "My family will be wondering what has become of me." 96

THE RULE OF REASON "Tell them that I was making love to you in a secluded glen," he whispered in her ear, not ceasing his attentions for a moment. In the instant before reality intervened, all she could think of was how much she wished that she could allow him to do just that, and it was only her fear of how vulnerable her feelings were to him already that permitted her to remember the reasons why she must not. Knowing that she was responding to and reciprocating his demands even as she said it, she replied, "Please, sir, I cannot make you stop, but I beg you to do so anyway." "It will be weeks before I see you alone again," he pleaded, hardly knowing what he was saying. "Even so," she whispered, her lips meeting his again and again, until he pulled back and ran his hands over his face. "My love, you are a delightful menace to my peace of mind," he said, wondering how on earth he was possibly going to manage to let her leave with her aunt and uncle. Standing, he held out a hand to her. "I think that it is past time for us to leave here." "Yes," she said, smiling lest he think her angered with him. She was grateful for his hand, uncertain of her own strength at that moment. "But you will need to give me a moment, sir, or we shall certainly cause talk," she added, gathering her hair and twisting it into a more presentable form. He fetched her bonnet as she restored the hair pins to their proper position. She reached her hand out for it, but instead he settled it on her himself, allowing his fingers to linger on her neck as he tied it in place. On the return journey they found themselves in a lively debate on the relative merits of Coleridge and the newly published 'Childe Harold's Pilgrimage' of the scandalous Lord Byron, leading Darcy to contemplate the interesting reading material which Mr. Bennet thought fit for a young woman to read, until they reached the point where they would go their separate ways. Darcy was unsure how far he could trust himself at that point, and limited himself to touching her cheek. "Miss Bennet...." he said. "Yes?" He shook his head with an expression of regret. "No, not yet," he said, as much to himself as to her, and she knew what he had in his mind to say. "I will see you tomorrow, then, at Longbourn." "I shall look forward to it, sir." "For the sake of my sanity, I hope that you persuade your aunt and uncle to come to Pemberley." 97

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Only time will tell on that," she said. "Just remember, Miss Bennet, that I know where the Lambton Inn is, and you already know that I am not above kidnapping when it suits my purposes." She laughed. "I shall keep that in mind. Until tomorrow, then." He kissed her hand lingeringly. "Until then." He watched as she walked toward Longbourn, not moving from his position until she was long out of sight. Bingley appeared in the door of the billiard room, where Darcy had retreated after dinner for some much needed peace and an opportunity to reflect on the events of the day. "Bingley!" his friend exclaimed. "This is the earliest I've seen you back from Longbourn in days. Would you care for a game?" "How could you?" his friend said in a low voice. "How could I what?" Darcy began to rack the balls. "I seem to have played the fool here. When you did not want to talk about your interest in Lizzy, I assumed it was because you were not yet sure of your feelings. It never occurred to me, not once, that your motives could be less than honorable," Bingley said, his voice full of anger and hurt. "She is going to be my sister soon, for God's sake, Darcy!" Darcy looked up at him sharply. "Bingley, what are you talking about? Of course my intentions towards Eliz.... Miss Bennet are honorable - why would you think anything else?" "Because I have heard what everyone is saying!" "And what, pray tell, is that?" Darcy asked with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "Every servant here is talking about the compromising situations you have been seen in! By tomorrow, the word will be all over Meryton, if it is not already, and Lizzy's reputation will be in tatters, thanks to you!" Concerned by Bingley's words, Darcy straightened. "What, precisely, are they saying?" he demanded. "The servants who have spotted you, or Caroline, who might not be the most pleasant person in the world, but who would not concoct a story like this?" Bingley's fists were clenched by his side. Darcy rolled his eyes. "Calm yourself, Bingley! I am not denying that your sister happened to discover us in .... a tender moment, but good God, 98

THE RULE OF REASON man, the only reason I am here in the first place is to try to convince her to marry me!" "If that is the case, then why have you not proposed to her?" Bingley demanded. Gripping the edge of the table tightly, Darcy said in a quiet but dangerous voice, "I have, and she has refused me, and I am attempting to convince her to change her mind. If you have any doubts about the value of my word, I suggest that you apply to your future sister, who will confirm this in every particular." Bingley seemed to deflate in response to his words. "Really? I mean .... everyone is saying that you have no intention of...." "Bingley, I assure you that I am the only expert on what my intentions are, and if it will reassure you I will promise to make them absolutely and publicly clear tomorrow, although God only knows if Elizabeth will ever forgive me for it. Will that satisfy you?" Darcy bit out the words. "Darcy, I ... I'm sorry....I should not have doubted you, but Caroline and Louisa said that..." "Please do not tell me what they said," Darcy interrupted, "as I will have a hard enough time being civil to your sister again as it is." "She meant well, Darcy. She did not say a word about it until Louisa had told me about what the servants were saying, and I said that I wouldn't believe it." "And you no doubt believe that she meant no mischief by it, too," Darcy snapped. "Good night, Bingley." He stalked out of the room. On reaching his rooms, he threw himself down in a chair and pulled off his cravat. Damn it! he thought. Just when things were going so well. How could I have been such an idiot as to not have been more discreet? Wilkins, his valet, emerged from the dressing room. "Good evening, sir. May I be of any assistance?" Darcy tipped his head back and closed his eyes. "Yes, Wilkins. You can tell me what they are saying down in the kitchens about me." "If you wish, sir. There are some quite wild rumors that you have taken a mistress here, and that you have been found with her in compromising situations on several occasions, and that it is happening with the understanding that you will be marrying Miss de Bourgh. I have, of course, stated categorically that this is untrue in its entirety, and apparently one young woman who also 99

A bi ga il Rey nolds works at Longbourn on occasion has also said that she does not believe a word of it." Darcy winced. "And I assume the young lady in question is Miss Elizabeth Bennet?" "That would be correct, sir. I must mention that I have taken the liberty of making some inquiries regarding the source of these rumors, and the results may be of interest to you, sir." Darcy opened his eyes and scrutinized the ever-reliable and discreet Wilkins. "Pray continue, Wilkins," he said. "The first report seems to have come from a local girl who is serving as Miss Bingley's personal maid. She denies having seen anything herself, but says she heard of it from an impeccable source whom she refuses to name. The second source does claim to have seen these things for himself, on a day when he was sent to Meryton on an unspecified errand for Miss Bingley. He seems to have very recently come into a certain amount of extra funds. I could not determine any details of where the third person obtained his information, but he has also been feeling unusually well-to-do just lately. He did tell me after a few pints of ale that although he had initially been of the opinion that Miss Bingley was quite the, pardon me, snob, he had more recently concluded that she was a very kind and affable lady." Darcy ran his fingers through his hair. "Caroline Bingley," he said rather savagely. "I should have guessed that immediately. Wilkins, I applaud your initiative, as ever." Wilkins allowed himself a brief pleased smile. "Thank you, sir. Will there be anything else, sir?" "Not at the moment, Wilkins," Darcy said. "No, on second thought, Wilkins, please look in that second drawer there. Yes, that one, on the right. Do you see a small box there?" "Yes, sir." He picked up the box and brought it to Darcy. Darcy waved him back. "No, I do not need it, Wilkins, but I would like you to look in it." The puzzled Wilkins opened the box. "Now, if you would, please read the engraving inside the ring." Wilkins broke into an uncharacteristic broad smile as he obeyed. "May I offer you my congratulations, sir?" "Not until the lady accepts it," Darcy said. "However, I wanted to be sure you knew of its existence in case you ever needed to start a rumor of your own." 100

THE RULE OF REASON "Yes, sir. I understand perfectly, sir. In fact, sir, I was just thinking that you might be getting hungry later, and that this would be a good opportunity for me to stop by the kitchens to bring you a bite to eat." "A capital idea, Wilkins." Wilkins bowed and left. Darcy dropped his head into his hands, cursing Miss Bingley and her scheming. He wondered whether this was an effort to turn Elizabeth against him - but no, Miss Bingley would have no reason to suspect that Elizabeth would be displeased by having his sentiments known; she herself certainly would not be in the same circumstances. More likely it was an attempt to so sully Elizabeth's reputation as to render her unacceptable as his bride, which, if he were not willing to defy his family over his choice already, might well have been effective. Well, if she thought that would work on him, she had a surprise in store for her. He could only hope that the stories had not yet reached Longbourn. Not that this could make any difference in what he needed to do to protect her reputation, but if he could just have a few minutes alone with her to explain why he had to do this, perhaps her anger might be mitigated. But it seemed hardly likely that he would; he would not see her until after the arrival of her aunt and uncle the following day, and then she would be leaving on her journey. Well, there was nothing to be done for it, except to hope for a chance to explain himself. With a deep sigh, he walked over to his writing desk and drew out a sheet of paper. Mrs. Gardiner's suspicions had been raised against Elizabeth after receiving her letter, and those suspicions were now compounded by the warning that her niece had given her almost immediately after their arrival at Longbourn regarding the shyness of Miss Darcy and the need to be quite patient with her. She therefore watched most attentively when the Darcys arrived, and did not miss the small blush on her niece's cheeks, nor the look in the gentleman's eyes when they landed on Elizabeth. Elizabeth made the introductions, and Darcy quickly engaged the Gardiners in a discussion of Derbyshire, Lambton, and their proposed travels. Mrs. Gardiner looked over at her niece, wondering why Lizzy had ever described this polite and unassuming young man as so proud and disagreeable. After some extended conversation, Darcy announced that his sister had a request to make. 101

A bi ga il Rey nolds All eyes turned to Miss Darcy, who said hesitantly, "Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner, my b...brother and I would be honoured if you and Miss Bennet would consent to be our guests at Pemberley for the d...duration of your stay in the area." The Gardiners glanced at each other in surprise. Mrs. Gardiner said warmly, "That is a very generous offer, Miss Darcy, but we could not presume to impose on you on such short acquaintance." "Nonsense," said Darcy. "It would not be the least imposition. Miss Bennet is an acquaintance of long standing, and my sister and I would enjoy the opportunity to show you some of our favorite sights, and we are of course but a few miles from Lambton. Mr. Gardiner, if you enjoy fishing, there are several excellent locations on the grounds where you might like to try your hand." Mrs. Gardiner glanced at Elizabeth to attempt to ascertain her view of this invitation. Although clearly not surprised, her niece was making no attempt to participate in the discussion, and was in fact sitting with her eyes averted. Presuming, however, that her studied avoidance spoke rather a momentary embarrassment, than any dislike of the proposal, and seeing in her husband, who was fond of society, an interest in accepting it, she said, "Well, this is quite an unexpected opportunity, Mr. Darcy. Perhaps you would allow Mr. Gardiner and me to take a moment to discuss the possibility?" "Of course," Darcy said warmly. Georgiana surprised both her brother and Elizabeth by adding a few words of her own. "Please, I would like it very much if you would consider it." The conversation had by this point drawn the attention of a surprised Mrs. Bennet, who felt the need to comment with excessive warmth on the great civility of the invitation, and all the fine things she had heard of Pemberley, to the embarrassment of her daughters. Jane tried in vain to steer the conversation to safer subjects. The Gardiners returned after a few minutes. Mr. Gardiner said, "Miss Darcy, Mr. Darcy, we have considered the matter, and we would be honoured to be your guests during the week we had planned to spend in Lambton." Georgiana's eyes lit up. "That will be wonderful!" she said. "Excellent," agreed her brother. After discussing the arrangements at some length, he asked, "Will your travels be taking you to Matlock as well?" "Yes, indeed," Mr. Gardiner replied. "We are looking forward to seeing it, and walking in the Peaks." 102

THE RULE OF REASON "Perhaps I might impose on you and join you briefly while you are there, as my own aunt and uncle have expressed a great interest in meeting Miss Bennet, and it would seem to be an excellent opportunity for that to happen, if you would be willing to join me in paying a call on them." Elizabeth turned to stare at him in shock. Did he not realize that he might just as well have announced his intentions to the room at large? "I am afraid they might prove to be too exalted company for the likes of us," she said quietly, her voice barbed. Darcy turned to her with an unreadable look in his eyes. "My aunt and uncle are quite amiable, Miss Bennet; I feel certain that you would like them." Mrs. Gardiner, sensing the sudden tension between the two, as well as the complete silence of the rest of the room, decided to intervene. "Your aunt and uncle live in Matlock, then, Mr. Darcy?" He looked back at her, grateful for the distraction, but before he could respond, Elizabeth said in a flat voice, "Mr. Darcy's uncle is Lord Matlock." "Well," Bingley jumped into the sudden silence these words left behind, "this does sound like a marvelous trip! I have only been through the Peaks briefly, but you will find Pemberley to be truly delightful. The grounds are some of the loveliest I have ever seen, and I have spent many a happy hour there." He rubbed his hands together, and smiled boyishly at the company. "Yes, I remember your sister telling me about a trip you took there," Jane said, with a worried glance at her sister. "When was that?" "That would have been last spring, would it not, Bingley?" said Darcy. Elizabeth sat seething as the conversation continued between the Gardiners, Darcy, Bingley, and Jane. How dare he go against her express wishes in this way? How could the man she had allowed to hold her, to kiss her, to caress her then turn on her in such a way? The look on her mother's face showed her that the damage had indeed been done, and she could foresee precisely what was going to happen the minute Darcy left. If this was his idea of not rushing her, she had a great deal that she would be saying to him on the subject. Why did I allow myself to trust him? I knew perfectly well how much he likes to have things his own way, and how readily he will disregard the wishes of others; why did I think that he would treat me any differently? Why was I so foolish as to allow myself to care for him? She felt ill as she considered the position in which she now found herself. Darcy attempted to address her several times, but she responded with as few words as civility would allow, leaving him in an agony of distress. She was 103

A bi ga il Rey nolds clearly just as furious as he had feared, and he could not see any way to find time alone with her to explain, nor had he found an opportunity to give her his letter. When Darcy announced that it was time for them to take their leave, Mrs. Bennet, with a level of civility which would have deeply embarrassed Elizabeth had she not been so preoccupied by her hurt and her anger with Darcy, invited the guests to stay to dinner, but Darcy declined graciously, saying that he and his sister had preparations to make, as it turned out that they would be leaving Netherfield earlier than expected owing to some business matters. He then made a point of circulating through the room to bid his adieus to her family, and he paused for some time to speak with her father. Elizabeth was not able to make out the conversation, but when Mr. Bennet glanced at her with a raised eyebrow several times during the exchange, and then the men shook hands at the close of it, she had some strong suspicions of the content of it. When Darcy and Georgiana made to leave, she made no efforts beyond those of basic civility in bidding them adieu. "Lizzy!" Mrs. Bennet said. "Won't you see your guests to their carriage?" Elizabeth winced, the demanding tone of her mother's words making it eminently clear that she was already planning the wedding. She made a point of walking out with Georgiana, who was pleased and excited both by Elizabeth's forthcoming visit to Pemberley and her brother's intimations, and spoke her farewells to her in as warm a tone as she could manage. She did not turn to Darcy until his sister was already in the carriage. "Mr. Darcy," she said silkily, her eyes flashing dangerously. "Miss Bennet, I fully understand that you are unhappy with the steps I have taken, and I regret the necessity, but once you understand the reasons, I am sure that you will agree that I had no other choice. Knowing that we would be unlikely to have time to speak privately, I wrote this to show my reasoning." He held out the letter to her. Elizabeth pointedly folded her hands behind her back. "Mr. Darcy, I would be extremely surprised if we are not being watched at this moment, and if you believe that I will take a letter from your hands under these circumstances, you are mistaken." Worry began to show in his eyes. "Please, I beg of you, this is a matter of no little importance," he said quietly, to avoid Georgiana's ears. "There is gossip of a very damaging nature regarding us, and it must be quelled. Please, read the letter." 104

THE RULE OF REASON "My apologies, sir, but I will not. I am sure that you find it as unpleasant as I to have your wishes disregarded. Good journey, sir." Elizabeth curtsied and turned away, leaving Darcy with the letter in his hand. Behind her, she heard his muttered imprecation, and at the door, turned to give him a long, serious look before entering the house. She wished nothing more than to escape to her room, or to disappear on a long walk, but, knowing that avoidance was impossible, she straightened her shoulders and returned to her family. Her mother, as she had expected, was in raptures, and immediately threw her arms around her. "Oh, my dearest Lizzy!" she cried. "Why have you never said anything? Good gracious! Lord bless me! only think! Mr. Darcy! Who would have thought it! oh, my sweetest Lizzy! how rich and how great you will be! What pin-money, what jewels, what carriages you will have. I am so pleased - so happy. Ten thousand a year! Oh, Lord! What will become of me? I shall go distracted!" Elizabeth allowed Mrs. Bennet's effusion to wind down somewhat before venturing to interrupt. "I am sorry to disappoint you, madam, but I must inform you that there is in fact no agreement between Mr. Darcy and me. I believe that you have taken his words for far more than was meant!" Mr. Bennet chuckled. "Come, Lizzy, you are not going to be Missish, I hope, and pretend to be affronted! Unless, perhaps, you are not the daughter that he meant when he said that he wished to speak with me about my daughter on his return - I do have three other daughters who are unspoken for, but he could not have meant Kitty or Lydia, since he does not wear a red coat. Mary have you been stealing off to conduct a romance with Mr. Darcy behind our backs?" He spoke the last with mock severity. "Father!" Mary spluttered. "That kind of joke is most unsuitable!" Elizabeth was horrified to hear that Darcy had been so direct with her father - she would not have thought that of him, but she could hardly disbelieve her father. Recognizing the pointlessness of arguing at this juncture, but still seething in helpless fury, she said, "I will only repeat that I am not engaged to Mr. Darcy, regardless of what he may think, and that I will not discuss reports of this any further!" Her mother, however, was not to be subdued, since Darcy's intention was more than enough to satisfy her, and Mr. Bennet could not resist a little more teasing. Jane and Mrs. Gardiner watched Elizabeth in concern, clearly perceiving that she was most unhappy with this turn of events, until that point where Elizabeth realized that her composure was in severe jeopardy, and retired 105

A bi ga il Rey nolds to her room. Her mother made to follow her, but was nimbly distracted by Mrs. Gardiner's efforts, while Jane quietly slipped out of the room and went to comfort her sister. She found her lying on her bed in tears, and put a consolatory hand on her shoulder. "Lizzy, I am so sorry that our parents are reacting in this way. I know it must be very embarrassing; although they do mean well, I wish that they could express their approval of the match more suitably." "The match?" asked Elizabeth angrily. "At the moment, I am hardly certain that I wish to see him again after what he did today." Jane was feeling somewhat perplexed. "What did he do today?" "We had agreed that we would conceal his intentions from the family. He had promised just a few days ago not to rush me. But apparently that no longer suits him, so here he is, putting me in a situation that will make it extremely difficult to refuse him, and betraying his word to me! I knew it, Jane, I knew better than to allow myself to be led to this position, I knew perfectly well that he would attempt to rule me the way he does everyone else, and I let myself disregard it, and believed that he had changed. What a fool I was - as soon as he felt confident of my regard, my opinion no longer matters." "Lizzy, dearest Lizzy," Jane said soothingly. "Surely there must be a misunderstanding here; I am certain that Mr. Darcy would not disregard your wishes. Allow him a chance to explain himself - perhaps there is a logical explanation." "His explanation is that it is to avoid gossip," Elizabeth said scornfully. "Jane, how could I have been so foolish as to let myself care for him?" Jane continued to try to comfort her sister, but Elizabeth was disconsolate. Eventually, she felt it necessary to return to Mr. Bingley, but promised Elizabeth that she would return shortly. In fact, she returned far sooner that expected, long before Elizabeth had reached any conclusions on how to manage the damage. "Lizzy, Bingley says he must speak to you, that he has a confession to make," Jane said hesitantly. "Will you come to see him? He is waiting by the back stairs." Elizabeth wanted to refuse, feeling that Bingley would only support his friend, but the pleading look on Jane's face, and her desire to avoid any conflict between Jane and Bingley, caused her to change her mind, and agree to speak with him. After drying her tears, she accompanied Jane to where Bingley was pacing nervously. 106

THE RULE OF REASON "This is all my fault!" he exclaimed. "Lizzy, Jane has told me how distressed you are feeling, and I simply must tell you that I was the one who insisted that Darcy declare himself today. He did not want to do so, and he said you would be angry, but I am afraid that I did not believe him. Please, though, believe me when I say that the blame is mine, not his. There has been some very disturbing talk among the servants, and I was very concerned about its impact on you, and I only meant to protect you." Feeling rather like she was facing an apologetic puppy, Elizabeth said, "Pray do not disturb yourself, Mr. Bingley. I fear that you take too much responsibility; Mr. Darcy does exactly as he pleases, and if he acted on your request, it is simply because it suited him, not because of anything you said." "Lizzy," Jane said worriedly, "Mrs. Phillips is here, and she is saying that everyone in Meryton is saying that.... oh, I cannot even say it. Mr. Darcy was only trying to protect you, and I must say that it seems to have worked. Our mother seems not disturbed at all by the gossip, and says only that you are to be married, and it is all to be disregarded. I cannot imagine how she would have responded had he not spoken this morning." "Of course, I had forgotten that Mr. Darcy is never wrong," said Elizabeth bitterly. "It is a shame that he has to suffer the responsibility of making these important decisions for everyone else. Please excuse me, Mr. Bingley; I fear that I am not civil company at the moment." Jane and Bingley looked after her retreating back with some consternation. Darcy could not decide if he was angrier at himself for not handling the situation better or at Elizabeth for refusing to hear him out. He had expected it to be difficult, but not disastrous; unfortunately, it would appear that he had been incorrect in that regard. The look on Elizabeth's face when he left haunted him - the coolness, the anger, the rejection of it. What a way to start their separation! By the time she reached Pemberley, who knew if she would even be willing to speak to him or if she would even follow through on the agreed-upon visit. God, how could it have possibly gone so badly so quickly? He went directly to his rooms upon their return to Netherfield, not trusting himself in the event of meeting Miss Bingley. Throwing himself down in a chair, he drummed his fingers on the arm as he tried to decide on a course of action. Obviously he had to find some way to speak to Elizabeth before her 107

A bi ga il Rey nolds departure, but would she even agree to speak with him? Perhaps he could try to see her early the next morning before she and the Gardiners departed. An image of her from the previous day rose before him, of the smile on her face when she first saw him, then changed into the cool look she gave him from the door at Longbourn. He dropped his head into his hands. After a light knock, Wilkins entered, and asked if he could be of service. "Not at present, Wilkins. I will not dine downstairs tonight," he said. "Very well, sir," he replied. Rather than take his leave, though, he remained where he was. "Is there something else, Wilkins?" Darcy asked irritably. Wilkins, hesitant to be the bearer of unpleasant news when his master was clearly in an ill humour, said, "Sir .... would you wish to receive an update on the kitchen talk situation?" Darcy closed his eyes. He never wanted to hear another word on the subject again. "If you feel it to be important," he said. Wilkins chose his words carefully. "There is now talk about Miss Bennet having received improper attentions from other gentlemen in the past." "What! That is patently absurd," Darcy snapped. "As you say, sir." Darcy sat in a furious silence for several minutes, contemplating dire fates for Miss Bingley. "Who are these men said to be?" he asked finally, in a clipped voice. "No names were given, sir." "Would you be able to look into this further?" Wilkins paused. "I would need to go into town to do so, sir. I believe that I have garnered all the information which I can at Netherfield." "Go to it, then. If you can, I would like names of the men who are purportedly involved, sources of the rumors, and whether any credence is being given them." "Yes, sir." Well, that settles it, he thought as Wilkins departed. I must make peace with Elizabeth tonight, before she becomes aware of this. "Lizzy, my child, sit down," said Mr. Bennet when Elizabeth appeared in the library in response to his summons. "I have just been subjected to a most dramatic rendition of the current news from Meryton, which I fear is mostly concerning you. It appears that there is general agreement that you and Mr. 108

THE RULE OF REASON Darcy are on intimate terms, with what are said to be several examples of times that he has been seen kissing and embracing you. Would you care to tell me the truth of this matter?" Elizabeth felt that there was little point in denying it; although no doubt much of the gossip was fiction, there was certainly truth enough to it, and the behavior of Darcy and Bingley only supported it. "No, sir, I have nothing to say on the matter." With a deep sigh, Mr. Bennet removed his glasses and said, "I must admit that I am now completely mystified. If I am not mistaken, last autumn your pointed dislike of Mr. Darcy and his complete indifference to you were well known to everyone. Half a year later he returns, apparently with some kind of interest in you, and this seems to surprise you not at all; and in fact you seem to choose to spend considerable time with him.. Then, today, he announces his intentions, and you become angry and deny that you have an understanding. Then we are given to understand that the entire neighborhood is talking about the compromising positions you and he have been caught in, and you make no attempt to refute it. Now, this would seem to be an excellent plot for a comic opera, but I would be most appreciative if you could make some sense out of it for me." "You seem to have the facts well in hand, sir. I assume that you have something more to say to me than to recite history." "Lizzy, I am not seeking to anger you. I would like, for the sake of my own comfort, to ascertain the state of your affections towards Mr. Darcy, but I have no doubt that you see as clearly as do I that under the circumstances I have very little choice as to my course of action." "And what would that be, sir?" Mr. Bennet massaged his temples. It distressed him more than he could say to see his favorite child in this state, and not to be allowed to offer her comfort or understanding. "You will have to marry him, Lizzy. I can only hope that this is more palatable to you than it seems at the moment." She looked him in the eye, having already reached this conclusion on her own. "Is there anything else, sir?" she asked levelly. Standing, he sighed, and walked over to her and placed a kiss on her head. "No, there is not, except to say that I am always available if you would like to speak further of this, and that I do want the best for you, Lizzy." She softened slightly, sorry to see his pain for the position in which she had put herself. "I know," she said quietly. 109

A bi ga il Rey nolds

Chapter 8

Elizabeth declined to join the family for dinner, pleading a headache and the need to finish her preparations for her departure on the morrow. Although her natural high spirits were beginning to reassert themselves somewhat, she felt unequal to the challenge of being the focus of everyone's attention, especially her mother and her aunt Phillips. She was also feeling rather embarrassed about being the subject of a scandal, and felt that she would prefer not to know any further details of the rumors. Her hopes were that she could learn to make the best of an unfortunate situation, and she reminded herself firmly that although her marriage to Darcy was clearly destined to be conflictual, at least there was a basis of affection underneath. She had some regrets now for refusing to hear him out that afternoon; it was not a promising beginning to what was bound to be a long series of compromises, and, if she were to be completely honest, she found it upsetting that they had parted on such a hostile note. Mrs. Bennet did not appear to miss her daughter, since her presence was not particularly necessary to a discussion of the wonderful match she had made, and how every mother in the district would be envious. If Elizabeth wished to hide in her room rather than to display her conquest, that was of no importance to her mother. However, it was a different matter entirely after dinner when Mr. Darcy chose to call requesting to speak with Elizabeth despite the unseemly hour. After all, he had apparently not actually proposed yet, and Mrs. Bennet was certainly 110

THE RULE OF REASON not going to permit any possible opportunity for that to be bypassed, regardless of headache or heartache. So it was that she appeared at her daughter's door, demanding her presence to speak to Mr. Darcy, fussing over her hair and gown, all while insisting that she make haste and not keep the gentleman waiting. Elizabeth could not help but be amused by her mother's machinations, especially when she discovered that her mother, in complete disregard for propriety, expected her to meet Darcy in the rear sitting room rather than joining the other guests despite the current public opinion. Darcy was standing by the window, looking quite serious, and twisting the ring on his finger. Elizabeth, feeling it would be beneficial to set a more positive tone, said lightly, "You appear to have an ally, sir. I believe that had I not cooperated in coming down immediately, my mother would have used a horsewhip if necessary!" Relaxing slightly at this evidence that her anger had abated to some degree, he said, "I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling unwell." She shook her head. "I am well enough. I merely did not feel the inclination to be in company this evening." "I am sorry then to disturb you." He felt unequal to exchanging these distant pleasantries with her after reliving her rejection for hours. He could not bear to face the withdrawal of her affections - if he lost her now, he did not know how he would survive it. He crossed the room and took both her hands in his. "I came to beg your understanding and forgiveness. I do not wish to part as we did." Elizabeth hesitated. She felt that she had explain to him her need to be involved in decisions, and it had been her intent to be pleasant and calm with him as she clarified her problems with his behavior and her future expectations. She had not anticipated, however, how painful it would be to be in his presence with a quarrel between them, nor how much she would long for a resolution of the sense of betrayal she still felt. She wanted more than anything else to throw herself into his arms, but was resolved not to continue their past neglect of proprieties, given the difficulties it had already caused. "Nor do I, and I am glad that it is important to you as well." "There is nothing more important to me than you," he said softly. She cast her eyes down in embarrassment. "I..." Before she could go any further, Darcy said, "There is something I must tell you regarding the gossip that is making the rounds, which is that it was spread deliberately and with malice." 111

A bi ga il Rey nolds "What do you mean?" "I have evidence that the rumors originated with Miss Bingley, and that she has paid to have them spread. I plan to speak to Bingley about it tonight after he returns to Netherfield, and I am hoping that he will be able to rein her in somewhat. I realize that this may not mean a great deal to you, but it is the one thing which I can do at this point to show my regret for the situation, and I do deeply regret it." "Mr. Darcy," she said uncomfortably, "I appreciate your apology, but I believe that we must discuss the matter somewhat further, as I fear that otherwise we may face ongoing difficulties. I would prefer to resolve the matter now, if you are willing." "As you wish, of course," he said cautiously, an element of fear beginning to settle in him. "What do you wish to discuss?" "I fear that we have differing understandings of why the events of today were upsetting for me, so I would ask for clarification of the reason for your apology." His heart sank. "For upsetting you, and for being sufficiently lacking in self-control that there could be grounds for these rumors in the first place." "But not, apparently, for what you said." His pride reasserted itself. "I am very sorry that it upset you, and that it put you in a difficult position. I do not see that I had any choice - at least any honorable one - but to say what I did." She took a deep breath. "Had you seen fit to consult me, I might even have agreed, but you did not see fit to consult me. Please bear in mind in the future that I expect to be involved in decisions which concern me to this extent, whether or not you see any choice in the matter." The rush of relief he felt at her reference to the future was great. "I ...will endeavor to do my best, because I do value your opinion, Miss Bennet. Had there been an opportunity in this case, I certainly would have informed you of my plans." "You would have informed me of your plans. Mr. Darcy, you seem to be in the habit of making decisions for other people, and expecting them to bend to your will. You will have to make an exception for me, however, because I will not tolerate it. This, more than anything else, is what upset me today." At the look on his face, she feared that she had gone too far. He turned away and walked over to the window, where he stood in silence and looked out. Her words had angered him, and he knew better than to 112

THE RULE OF REASON answer her when he was angry. Did she not realize that he was constantly expected to make decisions for others, and how hard he strove to act in their best interest? She clearly had no understanding of his responsibilities. He willed his breathing to slow - he knew that he could not afford to be irate with her right now; too much was at stake, and any hold he had on her affections far too tenuous. God, if he lost her now.....There would be no repetition of his furious lashing out at Hunsford. Of course, at Hunsford she had been in the right, although he could not admit it for some time. Was it possible that she could be correct again? Clinically, he looked at her complaint. He could still see no fault in his behavior, but if he looked at it from her position - yes, he could see that he would not have liked it either. Perhaps he had fallen too much into the habit of making decisions by himself, and that would indeed need to change if he married. Yes, that much he could accept, but he could not bring himself to face her accusing look. First he needed to find a way to tell her that he understood, but felt paralyzed by his fear that her warmth of the previous days would be a thing of the past regardless of his actions now. Elizabeth was discovering that Darcy in a rage, even a silent one, was a frightening thing, and that, having unleashed the tiger, she had no idea of how to rein it in. Yet another fear underlay that one - what if she had finally pushed him too far? At what point would he decide that she was not worth the struggle? She gathered all of her courage and forced herself to approach him. Bracing herself physically as well as mentally, she reached out and put her hand lightly on his arm. He looked down at her hand as if puzzled as to where it had come from, and then abruptly crushed her into his arms. She let out a half-sobbing breath of relief as she laid her head against his chest, grateful beyond words not to be rejected. Her desire to believe that they could work this out, that they could go back to the previous day and begin again, was overwhelming. Burying his face in her hair, Darcy said a silent prayer of gratitude. He could accept anything he had to as long as he had Elizabeth, but he could no longer bear this constant uncertainty of her regard. The doubt had become more than he could stand - he needed her reassurance. "Elizabeth," he pleaded, with an edge of desperation, "for God's sake, please tell me that you care, even if only a little bit." She reached up and took his face in her hands. "Can you not tell?" she asked with a catch in her voice. 113

A bi ga il Rey nolds "No, I cannot. I have misread you so badly and so often that I no longer believe that I can judge," he said. "Mr. Darcy," she said with some amusement, "I hope that this does not mean that you believe that I give my favors this freely to men I do not care about!" There was a pause as he took this in. "Miss Bennet, I do believe that you are teasing me," he said. "Do you not deserve it, sir?" she asked archly. "And this is what you deserve for even teasing about giving your favors to other men," he said, and took possession of her lips demandingly. His fiercely possessive kisses fulfilled a need she had not known that she had, as his hands, claiming the right to explore the curves of her back, engendered in her a desire that left her wishing that she were his in truth. Gratified by her response, he deepened his kisses beyond any she had experienced before. By the time he was satisfied, Elizabeth found herself clinging to his shoulders for support. "I feel it only fair to warn you, Miss Bennet, that I am a very possessive man." With a shaky laugh, she said, "That hardly comes as a surprise, sir!" Her plan to insist on observing the proprieties was clearly turning out to be less than successful. "Good," he said, returning to plunder her mouth again. "Pray do not forget it." Elizabeth, somehow able to recollect through the passionate haze he had induced in her that Darcy tended to be in need of a surprising amount of reassurance regarding the obvious, said, "Mr. Darcy, you have no cause for concern. I have always assumed that my husband would be the only man I would ever kiss, and I have seen no reason to revise that opinion." His eyes kindled. "Perhaps we should make that official," he suggested, watching closely for her reaction. He had no intention of making a proposal this time until he was certain that she was ready. Elizabeth looked at him, willing her pulses to slow. Yes, let us get past this, she thought. I would have rather waited until I had fewer reservations, but since I have no choice in the matter, we may as well have done with it. And there is no reason for him to know that I have doubts; certainly it was only a matter of time until I was ready to accept him, and he deserves the happiness of believing that I accept him with no qualms. "What did you have in mind, sir?" she asked with a knowing smile. 114

THE RULE OF REASON With a feeling of exultation, he took both of her hands in his. He pressed the lightest of kisses inside of her wrist first on one hand, then the other, leaving Elizabeth feeling barely able to think, much less to be coherent. "Miss Bennet, will you do me the infinite honor of agreeing to be my wife?" She took a deep breath. "The honor would be mine, sir." There was a moment of stillness, then he said, "Say that again." She smiled at him impishly. "Yes. Yes, I will marry you. Yes, I will be your wife. Yes, I will spend my life with you. Yes, I will be the mother of your children. Yes." "Please feel free to continue, Miss Bennet; I could listen to this for quite a long time." "Such vanity! No, sir, I believe that it is your turn to speak; I have held up my end of the conversation." His eyes, lit by heartfelt delight, locked with hers. "There are no words for how I feel at this moment, my love." He brought out of his pocket a small box, from which he removed a sapphire ring that he slipped onto her finger. "It's beautiful," she said quietly. "I am glad to finally have it where it belongs," he said. Their eyes met, and the sheer joy in his melted any last bits of resistance she might have had. "Kiss me, Elizabeth," he whispered. With a raised eyebrow and a mischievous smile, she freed her hands from his and wound them around his neck. Allowing her body to touch his lightly, she pulled his head down to hers and very deliberately put into practice everything she had learned from his kisses. She ran her fingers into his unruly curls, delighting in the manner in which her action clearly aroused Darcy. Enjoying this sense of power, she tested it further by trailing her fingers down his neck along the edge of his cravat, and was rewarded by a clear increase in his response. "Dear God, life with you is not going to be dull," he said feelingly when she finally released him. "I should hope not!" she said with a sparkle in her voice. She felt inordinately pleased with herself. "I must speak to your father now, and then we will tell the rest of your family," he said. "Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth said a bit sharply. "Did we not have a recent discussion on the subject of consulting me on such decisions?" 115

A bi ga il Rey nolds He had the grace to look slightly embarrassed. "Ahh......yes, we did. My apologies, my dearest. I can see that I will require some retraining." "Your apology is accepted." "How shall we inform people of our engagement, then?" He stole a quick kiss out of sheer pleasure over being able to say those words. "With all the present fuss, I would almost prefer to wait," she replied. He opened his mouth to tell her that was impossible, and then thought better of it. "I would have some concerns about leaving your family to deal with these rumors in our absence without knowledge of our engagement to present in response." "Your point is well taken. Very well, we can tell them now. Would you be willing to consider, however, delaying announcing the news at Pemberley? I would feel more comfortable coming there first as a guest, without all the expectations that would accompany me if I were to be known as the future mistress." "I would not feel comfortable delaying it long, but I see no harm in a few weeks," he conceded. "Thank you." They smiled at one another in accord. "While you are speaking with my father, perhaps I will join the rest of the family, which should allow my mother to get through the worst of her effusions before you arrive." "I had thought that we would tell your family together," he said. She laughed. "Do you think that once you have walked out of this room and into the library that there will be anything left to tell? But that is only fair; I shall await you here." "I will return as soon as I may," he said, but found that he had to give her one more lingering kiss before he could face the brief separation. "Mr. Bennet, I am certain that you have little doubt as to why I am here this evening," Darcy began. "On the contrary, young man, I have a great number of questions as to why you are here this evening," said Mr. Bennet. "You do?" asked Darcy in surprise, then recalled himself. "Pardon me; I meant to say that I would be happy to answer any questions you may have, sir." "Good, good, I am glad to hear it. Well, then, perhaps you can explain to me how it has come to pass that you and my daughter have been caught in clandestine assignations when, the last any of us had heard, you found her not 116

THE RULE OF REASON handsome enough to tempt you, and she had a healthy dislike of you. I have heard Lizzy's version of the story; now I would like to hear yours." Darcy winced. Was that ill-fated remark at the Meryton Assembly to haunt him for the rest of his life? "Sir, I can understand that your opinion of me may have suffered owing to recent talk; I have no doubt that I would feel the same were I in your place. However, I assure you that my intentions toward your daughter have always been strictly honorable." "Indeed." Mr. Bennet's voice was sharp. "Mr. Darcy, I do not claim to understand the situation. I know that Lizzy is unhappy and angry, I know that she has expressed in the past some reason to distrust you, and I know that for reasons that are unclear, she has been choosing to spend time with you and apparently to accept your attentions. Under the circumstances, I have no choice but to give you my permission to marry her, just as I told her that I had no choice but to insist that she marry you, but I do not feel under any obligation to be happy about it." Taken aback by this unexpected burst of anger, Darcy hardly knew where to begin. He had not expected hostility, and while his initial thought was not to discuss this further until he had a better chance to understand Mr. Bennet's position, he considered how important her father's opinion was to Elizabeth, and determined to swallow his pride and persist. "Sir, I believe that you are under some misapprehension. Certainly Miss Bennet and I have had our misunderstandings in the past, but after I, that is, after we furthered our acquaintance in Kent, I believe that we were able to clear up a great deal of confusion, including the truth behind the lies she had been told, and we have been on more cordial terms since then. I would encourage you to speak further to her, sir. I do not believe that she is unhappy about anything except the circumstances of our engagement, and it is my goal, sir, to make her happy in everything." Mr. Bennet sat back in his chair. "So you feel that it was the time you spent together in Kent that made a difference, then." "In a way, yes," Darcy said cautiously. "What time that you spent together in Kent?" Mr. Bennet said, his voice like a whip. Wondering if this was some sort of trick, Darcy said guardedly, "In April, when Miss Bennet was visiting her friend Mrs. Collins, and I was visiting my aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh." 117

A bi ga il Rey nolds Mr. Bennet looked suddenly tired. "Lizzy has never seen fit to mention seeing you there." "You did not know, then?" Darcy said in surprise. "So you have not heard about ...." He trailed off, realizing that Elizabeth must not have wanted her father to know about their interactions in Kent. "Or about Wickham, either, then?" He had rarely felt so completely inarticulate. "Sit down, Mr. Darcy. This is clearly going to take some time. Perhaps you can tell me now about all the things I have not heard," said Mr. Bennet icily. "Perhaps we should ask Miss Bennet to join us to give her point of view," Darcy suggested. "Perhaps not. Now, you were about to tell me about Kent, I believe." Feeling rather like a schoolboy called onto the carpet, Darcy summarized the events of April in a clipped voice, omitting only the venom of their disagreement the night he proposed, and briefly reviewed his history with Mr. Wickham. "When I returned to Netherfield last month, Miss Bennet, no longer being under a misapprehension regarding my feelings towards her, was kind enough to allow me to begin to court her anew." "Odd, I had thought it traditional to ask the permission of the father of the young lady involved, Mr. Darcy, but perhaps I was mistaken." Darcy had not been Master of Pemberley for five years to accept lightly this sort of insult, even from the father of his beloved. "Perhaps you misunderstand my position, Mr. Bennet. In the interest of future understanding, let me make myself quite clear: given a choice between protecting your daughter and pleasing you, I will always choose your daughter." "Do you believe that she needs protection from me, then?" Mr. Bennet said silkily. Darcy fixed a steady stare on him, a tactic that had worked well on recalcitrant tenants. "That is not what I said, as you are well aware, sir. But if it satisfies you to be angry with me because your daughter has chosen for her own reasons to keep certain facts from you, please feel free to do so. It does not disturb me." The corners of Mr. Bennet's mouth twitched. "I am glad to hear it. If you plan to marry Lizzy, it will be to your benefit to be imperturbable." "I am going to marry her, Mr. Bennet, and for her sake, I hope that we can be on better terms in the future." Darcy laid his challenge out smoothly. "Treat her well, Mr. Darcy, and we will have no problems." 118

THE RULE OF REASON "Sir, you need have no concerns in that regard." Darcy stood and bowed formally. "I believe that she is waiting for me, so I shall take my leave." Mr. Bennet waved his hand in dismissal, thinking that Lizzy might not have done so badly for herself after all. Elizabeth had assumed that the interview with her father was a formality, given his words to her earlier, but was beginning to worry as time went on. When at last Darcy rejoined her, she said, "I had begun to wonder if you had forgotten me." "Hardly, my sweet. But your father had a number of questions. I am sorry to say that he does not seem to look favorably upon me," he said, sitting next to her. "I made an important discovery, though, which is that if my flaw is to tell everyone else what to do, yours is to tell them nothing at all. I had not realized that you had left your father completely in the dark about everything that has happened between us." "It... has been very confusing; for some time I have hardly known what to say, and I am afraid that when I spoke with him earlier today I was rather... distressed," she admitted. "He did not seem to think me a very welcome suitor," said Darcy, looking at her thoughtfully. He had always assumed that Elizabeth's tendency to keep her thoughts private reflected a certain lack of confidence in him, and having made the startling discovery that she had not even told her beloved father of his interest in her was causing him to rethink this conclusion - could it be that she in fact tended to be so reticent about her personal affairs even with those to whom she was closest? She was certainly skilled at turning aside serious discussion with witty repartee in such a way that one hardly noticed her failure to respond. He wondered how much she told Jane of her private affairs. Of course, Georgiana would probably make the same accusation of slyness about him, and he recalled what it had taken for him to confess his situation to Colonel Fitzwilliam in London. But he had never, once he determined that his interest in her to be a lasting one, tried to keep his feelings secret from Elizabeth - although she had not understood his interest in the past, it was not because he failed to try to express it in his own way. He did not want to keep her at a distance, as he had so many other people, and more than anything he wanted her to feel that she could share anything with him. Perhaps he would have to take the lead in this regard until she felt more able to trust him with her feelings. 119

A bi ga il Rey nolds "I will tell him that is not the case," Elizabeth said softly. "I would not want him to think you ....unwelcome." She held out her hand to him. "Shall we go to my family?" Taking her hand, he pulled her gently toward him, and she slipped into his arms as if she had been made expressly for that purpose. "Perhaps first you could show me that I am not unwelcome," he said with a slight smile. Elizabeth, experiencing that pleasurable sensation of coming home that the familiarity of a lover's embrace can bring, raised her lips to his without a second thought. As their mouths met, she surrendered to the blissful sensations that only he could arouse in her. Experiencing the heady delight of accepting the pleasure he could give her without the feelings of guilt which had haunted her in the past, she moaned softly as he deepened the kiss and she felt the full force of her passion answering his. When he lifted his head just enough to be able to gaze into her eyes, she said, "Do you feel welcome yet, sir?" "I feel so welcome that I may never let you go," he responded fervently, proceeding to feather kisses along the side of her face and down her neck, deeply gratified by his ability to give her pleasure. That his Elizabeth could be so amazingly and delightfully responsive to him gave him a satisfaction he could not deny, and he reveled in his sensation of ecstatic pleasure as he felt her surrendering control to him. Deeply aroused, he kissed her with a thoroughness that left her breathless and longing for more. Beyond the ability to restrain himself, and somehow knowing that she would not find the will to object, he slid the edge of her gown just over her shoulder. Pressing passionate kisses along the newly exposed flesh, he heard her gasps of pleasure and felt her arching against him with a thrill that only aroused him further. If only we were truly alone, he thought, desperate for more of her. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind when he heard footsteps outside. He released her abruptly and straightened her gown, but there was nothing he could do about the half-drugged look of passion in her eyes, and he suspected that his appearance was at least as obvious. Mr. Bennet appeared in the doorway, a look of amusement on his face. "There you are, Lizzy. I believe we have an announcement to make, if the two of you can spare a moment for the rest of us." "Yes, we were just saying that we should join the others," Elizabeth managed to say. 120

THE RULE OF REASON Mr. Bennet, whose first approach to the room had been quiet enough to remain unnoticed under the circumstances, raised an eyebrow but said nothing, any dismay he might have felt about the behaviour he had witnessed outweighed by his relief in realizing that his Lizzy was clearly not as opposed to this match as he had feared. "Shall we, then?" Mrs. Bennet's reaction on hearing the news was all that her daughter had feared, and she could only be grateful that Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner were there to moderate her display and to show that she had some relations for whom she need not blush. The effusions and the congratulations seemed endless, and Elizabeth felt relieved when they were interrupted by a servant from Netherfield who arrived to speak with Mr. Darcy. After speaking with him briefly outside, Darcy returned to the drawing room, his demeanor serious, and quietly asked Elizabeth if he could speak with her alone. Nodding, she followed him as they returned to the rear sitting room. "That was my man Wilkins," Darcy said, his face grim. "He has been looking into the rumors for me. He came just now to inform me of the details of a new set of rumors whose source he is investigating." "New rumors? Why, what have we done now?" "I fear that these are specifically about you." He paused. "In order to be able to speak to Bingley about these rumors, there are some questions which I need to ask you. You may find some of them offensive. Please understand that I am not asking because I have any doubts of you, but because I need to know the circumstances." "Very well," she said cautiously. "They concern other men who are being mentioned in connection with you and, um, impropriety." "Other men!" she cried in indignation. "Yes, apparently Miss Bingley is being quite thorough in her attempts to discredit you," he said, his voice conveying his displeasure. "I do not know precisely what is being said; my man declined to tell me, and I have no doubt that he had good reason." "I have nothing to hide," she said fiercely. He pulled out a small piece of paper and looked at it. "Will you tell me about Mr. Henry Goulding, then?" "That ... that is ancient history!" she exclaimed with a laugh. "I must have been all of fifteen years old - I was not even out yet -- and we flirted at a 121

A bi ga il Rey nolds dinner or two. He then joined the militia and I never saw him again. I believe that I allowed him to kiss my hand once before he left." "Mr. David Evanston." Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Mr. Evanston developed an attachment to me perhaps two years ago. He asked my father for permission to court me, which was denied when I said that if I had a desire to be followed about adoringly by someone without a single original thought in his head, I would prefer to get a dog." "Mr. Roger McKinley." "What! You cannot be serious!" Elizabeth exclaimed in disgust. "I have no idea who he is," Darcy said defensively. With evident distaste, she replied, "Mr. McKinley has indeed made advances toward me, which is an honour I share with every female over the age of ten in the county, including all four of my sisters, my mother, and my aunt. He is married, old enough to be my father, and makes Mr. Hurst look like a model of sobriety. You would never have met him because he is not received in polite society any more." "Thank you for explaining; this will be helpful in speaking with Bingley of this matter." He paused for a moment. "I hope that you recognize that it takes a great deal of self-restraint on my part to even acknowledge that there are other men you might have looked at twice. I mention this only so that you will know that this is not a teasing matter." "I will bear that in mind, but there is no one in my past to whom you need to give a second thought. I am just surprised that Mr. Collins is not on the list; one would really need to include him in a complete list of every man who has ever looked at me!" she exclaimed angrily. He looked at her sympathetically. "In fact, he is on the list; I just had no need to ask you about him, since I already know that story." This was too much for Elizabeth - that anyone would attempt to so damage her good name! She turned away from him and wrapped her arms around herself. She had not been overly concerned about the talk regarding her and Darcy, given that his intentions were honorable, but this was a different matter. How could the people of Meryton, people she had known all her life, possibly be thinking and saying that she was no better than .... Her mind would go no further in that direction. At least Mr. Darcy is taking this well, she thought, as well he ought, given that the only two moderately serious flirtations I ever engaged in took place right under his nose. She was grateful that no one in Meryton knew 122

THE RULE OF REASON enough to put Colonel Fitzwilliam on that list, but it surprised her that Wickham did not appear - he would have been a more credible candidate than the rest put together, since he had in fact been a favorite of hers at one time. A sudden doubt assailed her. "Is Mr. Wickham's name is on that list?" she said, her voice taut. His silence was all the response she needed. My reputation will never recover from this, she thought, putting her hand over her eyes. Not only mine, but my whole family's good name will suffer for this. How could this have happened? Tears began to flow down her cheeks. She found herself wrapped in Darcy's arms before she knew what was happening. "There is no need to upset yourself, my dearest. We will get this under control. No one who knows you will credit any of this for an instant." Elizabeth shook her head, unable to say that obviously some people who knew her did believe it, since everyone in town knew her to some degree, and it had to be someone who knew her well to have provided those names. And she knew full well that a reputation once lost, however unfairly, can never be regained. "I think that I had best speak with Bingley now, in fact," he said decisively. "Elizabeth, will you wait here while I fetch him?" She struggled to regain her composure as he left the room, and shortly thereafter heard his voice and Bingley's speaking in low tones just outside. After several minutes, Jane slipped into the room, and, seeing her sister's tears, hurried to embrace her. "Oh, Lizzy, I am sure that there must be some mistake! I cannot believe that anyone would be saying such things, nor that Miss Bingley could possibly stoop so low! What could she possibly hope to accomplish?" Elizabeth laughed harshly. "Oh, that is very simple, Jane. She means to be revenged on me for attracting Mr. Darcy when she could not, and she means to stop him from marrying me. She is doing an excellent job of it, I must admit." "Come now, Lizzy," Jane cajoled. "No one will believe these rumors, and I cannot believe that anything would keep him from marrying you!" Elizabeth was just able to force back a retort. Darcy might well be stubborn enough to still want to marry her, but that did not change any of the basic facts - that if she married him now, she would drag his reputation down with hers. He would recognize that as well once he had time to think it through. And with her name linked to Wickham, of all people!-no, that would be something he could not bear. Poor Jane might hardly be able to believe that 123

A bi ga il Rey nolds such wickedness could exist in the world, but it did, and she would also never stop to consider the ramifications of these rumours as applied to her; that Elizabeth's continued presence would only bring shame in the eyes of the world to her sister as well. Her practical mind had realized almost immediately that she had no real choice in this matter - the damage had been done, and the best that she could do to protect those she loved would be to depart quietly and not return. The solution was obvious; she would leave as planned in the morning, but not for Derbyshire - she would beg her aunt and uncle to take her to London, and she had no doubt that they would allow her to stay in their home as they traveled. She would look for a position as a governess - perhaps they might even know of a family to whom she might apply. How quickly her entire future could change completely, and that one person's malice was all it took! This disaster was exactly calculated to cause her to realize just how much she truly wished to marry Darcy, now that she could no longer hope to do so - but she could not allow her thoughts to linger there, or she would lose her resolve. It was enough to make her wish that he had never come back to Hertfordshire - not only would her reputation still be intact, but she would not face this heartbreak. Darcy reentered the room alone. "Bingley is leaving for Netherfield immediately. He will meet with Wilkins, and he says that if he is convinced that Miss Bingley is behind the rumors, he will force her to retract these accusations." Elizabeth could not bring herself to look at him. "I must say good night to Mr. Bingley. Are you well enough, Lizzy?" Jane asked sympathetically. Elizabeth nodded. I am as well as I will ever be, she thought. Darcy sat next to her and took her hand in his as Jane left. "Once Bingley has heard the evidence, this will all be over. She will make the retraction, and the scandal will be hers, not ours," he said reassuringly. Elizabeth looked searchingly into his dark eyes for one last time, then disentangled her hand from his. Looking straight ahead, she said, "I release you from the engagement." She bit her lip in an effort to keep the tears back. "You what?" he exclaimed incredulously. "What are you saying?" "Once you have the chance to think it through, Mr. Darcy, I am sure that you will agree that under the circumstances I can hardly be considered a suitable candidate to be your wife. Reputation is a fragile thing, and no matter 124

THE RULE OF REASON what Miss Bingley may say now, the damage has been done." She strove to appear as unemotional as possible. "There is nothing for me to think through. I knew of the existence of these rumours, without the specifics, before I came here tonight, and the situation makes no difference at all in my desire to marry you. I do not care what people are saying." "You may feel differently when you discover that the stain on my name extends not only to you but to Georgiana. We cannot take that risk." "Elizabeth, can you not see that this is exactly what she was hoping to accomplish? After all we have been through, I will not allow that woman's jealous vitriol to compromise our future!" "That choice is not exclusively yours," she said softly. As the meaning of her words came through to him, a look of alarm entered his eyes. "I will not allow it. You are going to marry me, even if I have to keep you under lock and key until you promise in church to love, honor, and obey me! If you try to flee, I swear to you that I will hunt for you until I have found you. Do not even think about it!" He pulled her into his arms, a clumsy business on furniture ill-designed for two, and held her close. "Elizabeth, you are not leaving this room until you promise me, no, until you swear to me that you will marry me no matter what may happen." Clinging to him for balance as much as for comfort, she buried her face in his coat as relief washed over her, unable to say a word. For once she was happy to cede control of a decision to him. "I mean it, Elizabeth; swear to me on everything you hold holy that you will marry me, or you will be traveling to London instead of Derbyshire tomorrow morning, and you will marry me as soon as we have the license in hand -- your father will support me in this, you know." When she still did not respond, he decided to change his approach, and said persuasively, "Come now, you would not be so cruel as to send me back to Netherfield without a firm commitment - Georgiana would have my head on a platter!" Elizabeth could not help laughing through her tears. "Oh, as you wish, but only to save you from Georgiana," she said. He held her tightly. "Please, do not ever frighten me like that again. I consider myself as courageous as the next man, but not on the subject of you you are too dear to me, and I have waited too long for you. And I do want your word on this matter." "Very well," she said, with a shaky sigh. "I swear that I will marry you." 125

A bi ga il Rey nolds "No matter what happens," he prompted. "No matter what happens, unless you change your mind," she said. "Are you satisfied now, sir?" "As satisfied as I can expect to be at the moment," he replied, "given that it will be almost a fortnight until I see you again, and longer than that before I can call you mine." He buried his face in her neck, wishing that she did not have to leave, wishing that they were already married. The fright that she had given him when she seemed to be withdrawing her consent was still with him; it had been hard enough to believe that she was finally accepting him, and to have it called into doubt again so soon - it felt far too uncertain. He had half an inclination to return to Mr. Bennet and ask that he insist on an immediate wedding, but he knew that Elizabeth would respond to that lack of confidence in her with justifiable anger. Elizabeth was content to cling to him wordlessly. She had not expected the feelings of devastation she had experienced when she had thought that she must give him up - despite her reservations, it was obvious that she had grown to need him far more than she had realized. She hoped that he was right, that the gossip could be quelled, because she could not at the moment imagine how she could go on without him. "We should return to your family," he said reluctantly. She shook her head and nestled closer. "Please, just hold me," she said in a low voice. She felt far from ready to face the world. As if he could refuse her such a request! Carefully, Darcy shifted his weight in order to allow her to sit more securely, and settled back with her head resting on his shoulder. The idea of Elizabeth seeking solace and comfort from him was most appealing, but it was also a little startling, since she had always seemed so confident and self-contained. A protective feeling swept through Darcy, and he kissed her forehead gently. Elizabeth was feeling more than a little overwhelmed by the events of the day, the emotional extremes of her fight with Darcy, his proposal, and now this; and the manner in which she was having to reassess her feelings towards him yet again. When she thought of how distraught she had felt a few minutes earlier, she knew that her attachment to him had become stronger than she had realized, even stronger than she wanted. Though she had spent a great deal of time thinking of all the ways in which they did not suit each other, now she could think only of the ways in which they did -- how much she enjoyed their spirited discussions and verbal sparring, and felt challenged by him on so many 126

THE RULE OF REASON levels, how his dry sense of humour, in which once she had thought him completely lacking, appealed to her, as did his emerging playful side. She held him a little closer, as if afraid that he would somehow escape, and realized that she did not like this sense of need in the slightest. This vulnerability frightened her; not only was it new to her, but to feel it for Darcy, whom she still could not completely trust, made her feel panicky. Determinedly, she slowed her breathing and tried to quell her agitation, and very soon was able to turn to Darcy with the appearance of complete self-possession. "Yes, let us join the others now." If Darcy found the abrupt shift in her mood startling, he said nothing of it, but had he been asked, he might well have regretted the resumption of her usual composure. Elizabeth could think only of her inability to compromise between her growing love for him and her need to keep her independence. The bustle of the departure of the travelers filled Longbourn early the following morning, as trunks were loaded and reloaded, the Gardiner children taking the opportunity again and again to bid their parents farewell, and Mrs. Bennet instructing Elizabeth repeatedly regarding how she should behave while at Pemberley in order to continue to please Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth herself was bemusedly recalling how, just a few weeks before, she had been eagerly anticipating this journey as an escape from Darcy's attentions, whereas she now was finding the idea of missing him to be of much greater concern. A smile grew on her face when she spotted the object of her thoughts himself riding in unexpectedly. He dismounted and came straight to her, his warm gaze upon her. As he kissed her hand, she was conscious of having a special smile for him as well. "Good morning, my love," he said quietly, for her hearing only. "Good morning, sir," she replied with a slight blush, aware from his look that he would rather have been kissing her lips than her hand. "It is a unexpected pleasure to see you this morning." "You overestimate my ability to stay away from you," he said. "It looks as if your departure is imminent; I am glad that I arrived in time." "Yes, I believe we will be off shortly." "May I beg a moment to speak with you separately?" he asked. "Of course," she said, leading him away from the family group to a distance that would not allow easy eavesdropping. "Since we have but little time, I will refrain from remarking on how you look lovelier every day and how much I missed you last night, and limit 127

A bi ga il Rey nolds myself to mentioning how passionately I adore and admire you -- and how much I hate it when you wear gloves," he said with a smile, touching the offending article. Elizabeth coloured, suddenly cognizant that their engagement was clearly going to open the way for a new kind of courting that could be quite as demanding as his kisses. "Well, sir, to avoid offending you, I will risk shocking my family," she said with a smile, and removed her gloves. He immediately took her hand and raised it to his lips again. "Much better," he murmured, his eyes dropping to her mouth. "You are a delightful and charming temptation, Elizabeth, and you are quite distracting me from what I came to say." She raised an eyebrow, impressed with his ability to make her name sound like an intimate endearment. "And what, pray tell, is that?" she asked, her lips tingling as if he had in fact kissed them. "A rather more serious matter, I am afraid," he said, the look in his eyes showing that despite his words, his interests lay more in the direction of courtship. "I wanted to report to you on the events of last night, so as not to leave you in suspense during your travels. Bingley was initially reluctant to accept his sister's guilt in the matter of spreading rumors, but after my man presented his evidence, and brought in one of the perpetrators who testified to her involvement, he became quite incensed and confronted her directly. She initially denied the allegations, but at length admitted to her role, and after some rather heated discussion, a plan was agreed on for redress. Bingley is to bring her here to Longbourn later today - I thought it would be best to do so after your departure - and she will explain her actions to your parents and whatever other persons they would like to have present. I hope to speak with your father after you leave to ascertain how he would prefer to handle this." Elizabeth smiled at his earnestness. "You have been busy," she said lightly. He looked relieved at her reaction. "It distracted me from how very much I was missing you, my sweetest, loveliest Elizabeth." She was beginning to consider the possibility that she was destined to spend their entire engagement blushing. "Sir, I believe that my aunt and uncle are awaiting me," she said. "I shall not keep you, then, however much I would like to do so," he said. He drew a letter from his pocket and held it out to her. "I wrote this for you to take with you, hoping that you might find time to read it tonight." 128

THE RULE OF REASON She smiled at him warmly. "Thank you. I am glad that I may safely take it this time!" "There are advantages to being engaged. Many advantages." "When we have more time, sir, I shall make you enumerate them all for me," she said playfully. "It will be my pleasure to do so, my love. But I would not wish to make a poor impression on Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner this early in our acquaintance by delaying them simply so that I can enjoy a few moments more in your presence, so perhaps I should regretfully return you to them." "Perhaps so," she said. As they were walking back to rejoin the others, she said, surprising even herself, "I shall miss you." The startled look on Darcy's face could not hide the delight he felt. He was painfully aware that Elizabeth had neatly avoided ever saying anything that would indicate the state of her affections regarding him, even when accepting his proposal, and he had suffered occasional moments of distress since then when he remembered Mr. Bennet telling him that he had instructed Elizabeth to accept his proposal, and wondered what role that may have had in her acceptance. "You will be in my mind constantly," he said quietly. She looked up at him with a sober gaze, unsure how best to respond in a serious interchange of this sort with him. She had worked to keep their conversations in the past light-hearted, and was more intimidated than she cared to admit by the prospect of a serious discussion of their feelings - in fact, she found the idea terrifying. Fortunately, rescue was at hand in the form of her family. Darcy paid his respects to the Gardiners, who were already seated in the carriage, and to Mr. and Mrs. Bennet before taking the liberty of handing Elizabeth in. After a brief but heartfelt farewell, they drove off, and Elizabeth turned to watch him as they departed, trying to memorize his features, and marveling at the amazing sight of Darcy ensconced among her family.

129

A bi ga il Rey nolds

Chapter 9

The travelers stopped for the night in Oxford, arriving with enough daylight left that they could wander the streets to see the sights before settling in at their inn. Elizabeth duly admired the beauty of the ancient buildings of the colleges, and the newer, but equally striking, Radcliffe Camera, but although she had long looked forward to visiting Oxford, she found that her mind tended to wander from their surroundings to a certain dark-haired gentleman. Climbing to the tower of the magnificent University Church provided some physical relief for her agitated spirits, and she managed to enjoy the spectacular view over the spires of the town for some minutes before her thoughts drifted off to the letter Darcy had given her, wondering what it contained. She waited to read it until she had some privacy at the inn after dinner, while her aunt and uncle went out to enjoy a twilight stroll along the river. She held it in her hands for several minutes before opening it, and finally broke the seal with the Darcy crest -- soon to be mine, as well! she thought with a sense of unreality. My dearest Elizabeth, I hope that your first day's travels have gone well, and that this finds you comfortably situated and enjoying your surroundings -- I have no doubts that by the time you read this, I will be fully engaged in mourning your absence and treasuring the memories of our last weeks together to assist me through the days to come. 130

THE RULE OF REASON There was so much that I would have liked to have the opportunity to say to you today, so many thoughts I would have liked to share with you on the long hoped for occasion of your acceptance of my hand. - But it was not to be, given the circumstances, both joyful and distressing, which distracted us from the important business of communicating to one another our thoughts and feelings on this time of change. - I know that your interest in considering marriage to me is very recent, but it is no less dear to me for that. I was surprised, nay, astonished in Kent to discover that you were ignorant of my interest in you - in fact I must confess that I went so far as to wonder if you might have feigned lack of knowledge of it for reasons of your own, until I recalled that such deception would not have been in your character, and that had you known of my interest, you would have no doubt found some method to preclude matters reaching the point they did. - But my admiration of you was real, and had been powerful since the first days of our acquaintance, and all my time away from Hertfordshire had not been sufficient to put you out of my mind for a single day. Yet I must confess with some shame that from where I stand today, I can now see that there was something lacking in my regard for you at that point, a quality that would have advanced it from the point of fascination and ardent admiration to the kind of devotion and respect that I have always felt - based on the example of my own excellent parents - should exist between a man and his wife. It was not until I thought that I had lost you completely and irrevocably that I came to recognize all of your admirable qualities which had promoted the depth of my attraction to you. - I cannot tell you of the power of my despair in those days as I gradually grew to comprehend that you had been right to refuse me, and to acknowledge that I had caused my own downfall. Your reproof, so well applied, I shall never forget: 'had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner.' You know not, you can scarcely conceive, how those words tortured me; - though it was some time, I confess, before I was reasonable enough to allow their justice. -- I did not expect ever to encounter you again, yet as I recognized my failings, my first desire was to make myself into a man of whom you could be proud were you ever to meet me again. -- I cannot tell you how deep was my trepidation when I decided to lay my heart at your feet once more, but by that time I had come to realize how necessary you had become to me, and how little I could conceive of any sort of future that did not include you at my side. I cannot tell you the joy it gives me that you have consented to be my wife. You have taught me so much already, my beloved Elizabeth, for which I am eternally grateful - and the knowledge that we shall face the future together is of great 131

A bi ga il Rey nolds comfort to me. To know that I will have the privilege of seeing your smile each day is to feel gifted with the greatest delight imaginable. I could continue at length on this subject, but my time is growing short if I am to deliver this to you in the morning. - I look forward to your arrival at Pemberley with the greatest of anticipation. Until then, be assured that you will be in my thoughts and my heart always, and that I am, as ever, yours in every way, Fitzwilliam Darcy Elizabeth found that she had tears in her eyes as she finished reading the letter. His words of love which were so difficult for her to hear when she was in his presence could touch her in a different way through his writing, and his eloquent description of the pain he had experienced after her refusal of his first proposal told her more of the depth of his affection than his endearments ever could. She felt undeserving of so deep regard as his, and could not help but feel that her affections were not the equal of his own. But nor have they had the chance to stand the test of time as his have, and love can grow, she told herself. He has placed his faith in me, and I must try to deserve it, yet without giving myself up to him. She held the letter to her cheek for a moment before settling to read it again, and by the time she retired for the night, she was in a fair way of knowing it by heart. Elizabeth and the Gardiners devoted the following day to visiting Blenheim. It is not the object of this work to give a description of that remarkable palace nor its grounds, but to attend to the spirits of Elizabeth, which remained in some disarray; and by the time they reached the picturesque Grand Cascades, her silence had drawn the attention of her aunt, who had been hoping vainly that Elizabeth would unburden herself to her of her own accord. As it appeared that she would not do so, Mrs. Gardiner felt that her lack of spirits at this point justified inquiry. "Lizzy, you are very quiet today. Are your thoughts more of Blenheim or a certain gentleman from Derbyshire, I wonder?" said Mrs. Gardiner gently. "I am just quite in awe of all we have seen," prevaricated her niece. "Is that so?" her aunt asked, doubt apparent in her voice. If my flaw is to tell everyone else what to do, yours is to tell them nothing at all. She recalled Darcy's words, and his implication that her strong sense of privacy stood in the way of close understanding between them, and wondered 132

THE RULE OF REASON why she was avoiding telling one of her most trusted confidantes of her struggles. With some hesitancy, she finally said, "I am working to make sense of my engagement to Mr. Darcy, and I find that it resists analysis." "In what manner does it lack sense? He clearly loves you quite ardently, and it is apparent that he has engaged your tender feelings as well, has he not?" "Oh, he has," said Elizabeth with a sigh, "although it was barely more than a month ago that I told him that I could offer him nothing more than friendship, and I hardly know what to trust anymore." "I assume you must trust him, to have accepted his proposal," said her aunt gently. "Yes, in fact I do, but sometimes I am not sure that what I trust him for is what I want!" "Why, whatever do you mean, my dear?" "I trust that we will argue quite regularly, I trust that he will be very persistent in trying to have his own way, I trust that I will have to struggle for my own autonomy ... he is very predictable in some ways!" "Hmmm, my dear, it sounds as if he has a will strong enough to stand up to you. I would not be so certain that is unfortunate; I think it would be far too easy for you to find a man who would let you have your way all too often! You are not Jane, after all - I believe that you may well require a man of strong will if you are to be happy." Elizabeth pondered this novel idea, thinking that perhaps there was some truth to it. When she did not respond, her aunt added, "And are there not reasons for you to like him, as well?" With a smile, she replied, "Oddly enough, Jane asked me much the same question when he returned to Netherfield, and I could come up with very little. I imagine that I could do better now." "And what would you say now?" "I would say that he is well-educated, enjoys a good debate, has a very amusing sense of humor and a sharp wit when he cares to display it, and can be quite enjoyable company. He is honest, responsible and devoted; he can be depended upon to take what he perceives as the honorable course - and he will try to be in charge of it," she said with a smile. "So, he can stand up to you, and challenge you intellectually, and you can rely on him ....and what was it that was giving you doubts?" asked her aunt slyly. 133

A bi ga il Rey nolds Elizabeth drew a breath to retort, then laughed, realizing that she had left herself no ground to stand on.. "I take your point, aunt, but I still think he is far too persuasive when he sets his mind to it!" "And do you mind so much being persuaded?" "No, perhaps not," she admitted. "Lizzy, you have grown up to be quite self-reliant, which is hardly surprising since both of your parents, in their very different ways, cannot always be relied upon. It can be difficult to give up such self-reliance, even when it is no longer necessary, but I do not think it mere chance that you have chosen for your husband a man who is apparently eminently reliable and responsible. You might consider allowing yourself to rely a little more on your Mr. Darcy." "I did not choose him, the fact is that he chose me, and that I have been persuaded to be so chosen," Elizabeth retorted. "Perhaps he is sensible of needing a wife with a will of her own, on whom he might rely from time to time!" Elizabeth cast an amused gaze on her aunt. "Well, I can tell whose side you favor, aunt!" "And that, my dear Lizzy, is the side of your eventual happiness," her aunt said, satisfied with the results of their conversation, and now ready to turn her attention to the site of their pleasures. "Now, what think you of the grounds here?" Their travels continued to the north, and the following week they reached the vicinity of Pemberley. Elizabeth, as they drove along, watched for the first appearance of Pemberley Woods with some perturbation; and when at length they turned in at the lodge, her spirits were in a high flutter. She had been envisioning the look that would be in his eyes when they met, and the image made her skin tingle. A flicker of anxiety underlay the thought; she could give no sensible reason, but there was a fear that he might not be pleased to see her. She tried to regard it as a manifestation of the general apprehension about their meeting, and not as further evidence of her vulnerability to him. She had taken up pen and paper more than once during their travels to write to him, but found herself incapable of composing anything more than a mere travelogue, which seemed as if it would be trivial in comparison to his letter to her. She had spent endless hours pondering the dilemma of how to allow herself to love him while maintaining her independence and critical facilities, and was no closer to an answer than when she left Longbourn. 134

THE RULE OF REASON Her mind was too full for conversation, but she saw and admired every remarkable spot and point of view. The park was very large, and contained great variety of ground. They entered it in one of its lowest points, and drove for some time through a beautiful wood, stretching over a wide extent. They gradually ascended for half a mile, and then found themselves at the top of a considerable eminence, where the wood ceased, and the eye was instantly caught by Pemberley House, situated on the opposite side of a valley, into which the road with some abruptness wound. It was a large, handsome, stone building, standing well on rising ground, and backed by a ridge of high woody hills; - and in front, a stream of some natural importance was swelled into greater, but without any artificial appearance. Its banks were neither formal, nor falsely adorned. Elizabeth was delighted. She had never seen a place for which nature had done more, or where natural beauty had been so little counteracted by an awkward taste. They were all of them warm in their admiration. They descended the hill, crossed the bridge, and drove to the door, where they found Darcy and Georgiana already outside to meet them. He must have had servants watching for us every minute! thought Elizabeth, and her spirits fluttered as she caught his gaze. His smile was barely perceptible, but the warmth in his eyes could not be missed as he stepped forward to hand her out of the carriage. Without releasing her for a moment, he raised her hand to his lips. "Miss Bennet," he said softly. "Welcome to Pemberley." Recalling his other guests, he turned to greet the Gardiners, but remained standing so close to Elizabeth that it was difficult for Georgiana to find room to give her a sisterly embrace. Georgiana invited them inside and offered refreshments. As they entered, Elizabeth found that she could hardly spare a glance for a her future home; her attention was all on the gentleman at her side. They were shown through the hall into the saloon, whose northern aspect rendered it delightful for summer. Darcy led Elizabeth to its windows which, opening to the ground, admitted a most refreshing view of the high woody hills behind the house, and of the beautiful oaks and Spanish chestnuts which were scattered over the intermediate lawn. Under the guise of showing her the prospect, he whispered, "Dearest Elizabeth, I thought this day would never come. I cannot tell you how much I have missed you." She looked up at him, and the intensity of his gaze was such that for a moment she feared that he would kiss her right there in front of their families, but he restrained himself. "I am glad to be here, sir," she said breathlessly. 135

A bi ga il Rey nolds On their being seated, Darcy taking care to be next to Elizabeth, the discourse began immediately with discussion of the travels each party had undertaken. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner had a great deal to say of Warwick, Birmingham, and Kenelworth, with Georgiana managing to interpose a shy question from time to time. If Darcy and Elizabeth, being more involved in exchanging glances, spoke less than the others, none saw fit to comment on it. After they had an opportunity to take refreshment of cold meat, cake, and a variety of all the finest fruits in season, Georgiana, with a glance at her brother, gathered her courage and offered to show the Gardiners their rooms, a suggestion which they gratefully accepted, and an arrangement was made to reconvene in an hour. They had no sooner passed the door than Darcy took Elizabeth into his arms and kissed her with a fervor that confirmed how strongly he had felt her absence. She had forgotten how powerfully his kisses could affect her, and had not the experience to recognize the degree to which her own desires had built up during their separation, and so was taken by surprise by the intensity of the sensations that overcame her as his lips met hers. Shivers of pleasure danced through her as he tasted the delights of her mouth, and she ran her fingers deep into his thick curls. Darcy, intoxicated by the touch of her, the scent of her, the taste of her, could not quench his desire, and ran his hands demandingly down her back, then lifted her into his lap. He could not get enough of her, and he trailed kisses across her face as if he needed to stake a claim to every inch, but even more important than satiating his need to touch her and to kiss her was his desire to arouse her to the same level of passion that he experienced. Nothing in his life had ever had the power to excite him so much as when he managed to evoke a passionate response in Elizabeth. Craving evidence of her desire, he continued to place kisses along the lines of her neck, seeking out each crevasse until he reached the sensitive hollow at the base of her neck. His wishes were fulfilled as she leaned her head back in encouragement of his exploration and moaned softly. Emboldened and inflamed by her response, Darcy stroked his hand down her arm, and then slowly and seductively began to trace his fingers along her leg. The powerful and exquisite sensations this evoked in her caused her to turn her body towards his, craving more and closer contact. Darcy, aware that he was risking exceeding the limits of his self-control, but so stimulated by her 136

THE RULE OF REASON arousal that he no longer cared, returned his mouth to hers, demanding and receiving a response that matched his own. Eventually they broke off to breathe, and as he looked into her lovely passion-filled eyes, he knew that he would soon be lost if they continued. "Elizabeth, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth," he whispered, "I cannot stay here with you any longer." A debilitating sensation of longing ran through her as she took his meaning, and she wanted nothing more than for him to slake the desires that were racing through her, but somehow she was able to return to her senses, and moved out of his arms and away from him. He closed his eyes for a moment, struggling to regain command of himself. His arms felt bereft without her. With an effort, he forced himself to stand and to ring for a servant. "I shall have someone show you to your room - I fear that I dare not take you there myself at the moment," he said somewhat dryly. "That seems a reasonable idea," she agreed. A young woman came to the door and bobbed a curtsey. Darcy said, "Please show Miss Bennet to her room, Nan." "Yes, sir," she responded. "Right this way, miss." "Miss Bennet," he said as she was walking out the door. When she turned to look at him, he added, "I am pleased to have you here." She gave him an impish smile. "Thank you, sir. I had somehow managed to receive that impression already. Until later, then, Mr. Darcy." On her return downstairs, she was met by Georgiana, who informed her that there would be time to take her on a tour of the house before dinner if she so desired. In easy agreement with the idea, the Gardiners joined them as well, and Georgiana managed to find Darcy ensconced in his study where he was trying to find some business to take his mind from thoughts that were best suppressed. Elizabeth surprised herself by blushing when she saw him, and having some difficulty meeting his eyes, but fortunately the tour offered her sources of neutral conversation to help her past her initial embarrassment. Elizabeth took great pleasure in discovering the admirable taste of her future husband as she viewed his home; the rooms were lofty and handsome, and their furniture suitable to the fortune of their proprietor, but they were neither gaudy nor uselessly fine, with less of splendor, and more real elegance, than the furniture of Rosings. She was delighted to discover that from every 137

A bi ga il Rey nolds window there were beauties of nature to be seen. Every disposition of the ground was good; the hill, crowned with wood, from which they had descended, receiving increased abruptness from the distance, was a beautiful object. She looked on the whole scene, the river, the trees scattered on its banks, and the winding of the valley, as far as she could trace it, with delight. She could not have been better pleased, and could barely credit that she would someday be mistress of all this. She was interested to notice that Darcy, in his interactions with the servants, showed none of the pride or reserve that she had observed at Netherfield, and seemed overall to be of a gentler disposition than had been the case in the past. Never in her life had she seen his manners so little dignified, and when he introduced her to his housekeeper, a respectable-looking, elderly woman by the name of Mrs. Reynolds, the affection between the two was apparent. His attentions to her aunt and uncle were all that was civil, and they clearly took pleasure in his conversation. All in all, she felt that she had never before been so pleased with his behavior in company. She hardly knew what to make of the change, but tried to demonstrate her pleasure in his conduct through the warmth of her manner. After dinner Darcy suggested a twilight stroll through the gardens, an idea which appealed to Elizabeth very much. She had seen enough of the beauty of the park through the windows to make her anxious for a chance to explore it, but she was willing to settle for the gardens for today. The Gardiners and Georgiana considerately declined the invitation, so the two set off on their own. "So, what think you of Pemberley, my love?" he asked. "It is everything that is delightful and charming, and lives up to all the praise it has received. I cannot make a single complaint so far," she said warmly. "Then it pleases you? Will you be content to live here?" There was a certain eagerness in his voice, like a little boy anxious to please. She was tempted to make a teasing response, but a look at his face suggested that this was not the moment for it. "I believe that I shall be very happy here, provided, of course, that you are here as well," she said. His look of satisfaction showed how well her words had pleased him, and she was glad to have discovered an indirect means to indicate her affection, since she could not yet feel comfortable expressing open affection and using endearments as he did. "I believe, my love, that it will be difficult to tear me from your side once we are married. That reminds me, however, that we do have an obligation to discuss our wedding plans." 138

THE RULE OF REASON Elizabeth laughed. "Well, we can discuss them all you please, but I have a suspicion that I have ceded all of my choices by leaving for a month immediately after becoming engaged. My mother will no doubt have everything arranged to her satisfaction by the time I return. At least I had a say in choosing the bridegroom!" Darcy looked in doubt as to how seriously he should take her remarks; clearly there was little he would put past Mrs. Bennet. To relieve his uncertainty, she added, "Do you have particular thoughts about the wedding?" She found that she still was not quite prepared to say 'our wedding.' "Bingley suggested to me that we consider a double ceremony, which seems a pleasant notion, and would certainly save a good deal of work," --not to mention making the occasion a good deal sooner than it would otherwise be,-- "if you do not think six weeks too soon," he said, thinking that six weeks was in fact far longer than he would like. Six weeks! Elizabeth thought. I am still having trouble believing that I am marrying at all! She tried to imagine walking these paths in six weeks as the Mistress of Pemberley, and failed completely. "I suppose that it would make sense to do so, if you are willing. I could write to Jane to suggest it, and if she is agreeable, she could propose it to my mother." "Unless your mother has already decided on it by herself," he said, with just a hint of a smile. Reaching over, he tidied a tendril of her hair which had come loose. "You have not asked about what transpired with Miss Bingley." "I received a letter from Jane when we were in Birmingham; she wrote me some of her view of it." "What did she tell you?" "Mmm... she said that Miss Bingley met with our family, the Philips', and Sir William and Lady Lucas as representatives of the community, and that she admitted to starting the rumors deliberately and that they were without foundation. I must admit that my greatest question is how Bingley could have possibly convinced her to do it." "The most difficult part for him was confronting her, but I believe that even he had realized by then that he would have to choose between his sister and his future wife. As far as convincing her, he used the purse-strings. She cannot touch her principal, and she has overspent her income extensively, so she is dependent on his support, which he threatened to withdraw. At first she did not believe that he would do it, but when he went so far as to order her out of 139

A bi ga il Rey nolds the house, she apparently decided that she would prefer to be humiliated than poor. She is now exiled to London, to the great relief of all." Elizabeth shook her head. "I feel rather sorry for her." "I do not. I fear that I am not forgiving when it comes to people who try to hurt you, my love." She looked up at him affectionately. "I would imagine not. Your sense of loyalty is something I have always admired, even when I disliked you - or perhaps, in the interest of marital felicity, I should say 'before I realized that I liked you.'" "I think that I would prefer that," he said in a teasing manner, "but so long as you do not change your mind again, you may say whatever you like." "Though we both have reason to think my opinions not entirely unalterable, they are not, I hope, as easily changed as that implies." "I believe you; but then again, I know what it took to change your mind the first time. I am glad not to have to do that again." She glanced up at him flirtatiously. "It seemed to me that there were at least a few moments along the way which you enjoyed. Some of your, ummm, arguments were quite persuasive." "I will not deny that I enjoy ....persuading you," he said, his gaze intent, but then he seemed to withdraw for a moment. "Elizabeth," he added, his voice serious. "Yes?" He chose his words carefully. "You would perhaps be wise not to offer me any encouragement during your stay here." She was initially puzzled by his words, but as she took his meaning, her cheeks flushed with shame. She was under no illusion that her behavior earlier in response to his kisses had been anything but discreditable, but had been of the opinion that he was pleased by it; certainly it had seemed as if he had encouraged it, on this as on past occasions. Apparently, though, he had different standards for propriety at Pemberley, where he had an image to uphold - or perhaps it was lingering doubts from the rumours in Hertfordshire. She felt ill even thinking of it - well, she decided, if he wants proper behavior from me, he will certainly get it now. She did not think that she could bear to have him touch her, knowing what he thought of her behavior. She had her pride, as well, though, and straightened her shoulders before she spoke. "Very well, sir; you shall have no cause for concern, I assure you," she said in a voice well suited for a social occasion. Why, why, why do I 140

THE RULE OF REASON keep letting down my defenses to him? I cannot believe that I have allowed this to happen again. She could feel the first stirrings of anger at him, but knew she must protect against that as well. He smiled, unnoticed by Elizabeth whose eyes were fixed firmly ahead, and said, "I appreciate it." "Mr. Darcy, I find that I am feeling somewhat fatigued. Perhaps we could return to the house?" She wanted nothing more at the moment than to escape his presence. His brow furrowed in concern. He had never heard her complain of fatigue on a walk before, certainly not on such a short one; perhaps she might be falling ill. He took her hand in his and asked, "Are you quite well, my love?" He was startled when she pulled her hand away, rather ungently, he thought. "What is the matter?" The temptation to make an angry response was great, but Elizabeth forced herself to remain cognizant of the need for her to learn the arts of compromise and peacemaking. She took a deep breath to calm herself, then said, "I am not pleased by your implication that I am at fault for encouraging you." Darcy looked at her in bewilderment. How had she come upon the idea that he was criticizing her? Aware that their disagreements had a tendency toward escalation, he sought to find common ground. "I fear that we have somehow misunderstood one another, then, since I did not intend to make any such implication, and it would be quite unjust if I did." Unsure whether to believe him, she asked, "May I ask, then, what you did intend to say?" It was his turn to look away, his cheeks tinged with red. "My intention was to ask your assistance in curbing my behavior lest it become out of hand." "Oh." Elizabeth's colour rose. "I did misunderstand you, then. My apologies, sir." "What did you think I meant?" "I..... assumed that you disapproved of my behaviour." "Elizabeth, the next time you believe that I disapprove of something you have done, please ask me, because I assure you that it is unlikely to be true. In this case, you have touched on something of which I am so far from disapproving as to be somewhat of an embarrassment, so please, do not trouble yourself." She could think of nothing to say to that, and so kept her peace. 141

A bi ga il Rey nolds "One of the advantages of being at Pemberley," he said in a thoughtful manner, leading her around a corner into a walled formal garden, "is that here I am aware of all the pleasantly secluded locations where one is unlikely to be interrupted." Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "And how do you propose that I help you curb your behaviour? Perhaps you could be so kind as to lend me a pistol for the duration of my stay - though I should need some instruction in its use." He smiled at her roguishly. "Perhaps you could forget that I ever said such a foolish thing." "Mr. Darcy, I am hardly that forgetful!" she replied in mock disapproval. She felt her lips tingle in anticipation as he drew her into his arms. "But please remember this: discovering that you are so responsive to me was a most delightful surprise. Pray do not ever change it." She gave him a challenging smile. "In that case, sir, are you planning to converse with me or to kiss me?" Darcy made the only possible reply. The next few days afforded Elizabeth the opportunity to acquaint herself further with Pemberley and its environs. She immediately fell in love with the park and grounds, and never tired of walking out to discover new delights, either with her aunt and uncle or with her decidedly amorous fiancé. They visited some of the finer sights of the area, and Elizabeth began her acquaintance with the town of Lambton where her aunt had spent her youth. More importantly, the time gave her an opportunity to observe Darcy, and she rapidly reached the conclusion that he was a different man when he was at Pemberley. Gone were the pride and distance that she had once thought his main characteristics, and in their place, she saw far more of the relaxed, warm, and appealing man she had glimpsed on occasion when alone with him in Hertfordshire. His actions were caring and concerned, his generosity obvious and clearly a byword with his staff - and his civility warming. She was quite hard put to explain to her aunt and uncle why she had ever had a negative impression of him. The difference astonished and fascinated her, and she thought more than once that had she met Darcy first at Pemberley, they would have reached an understanding far earlier and with far less difficulty than they had. She commented on it once to Darcy when they were alone. He responded, "This is where I am at home; I am never so comfortable as when I am at Pemberley. Here I know everyone I see, and they know me, and we both 142

THE RULE OF REASON know what to expect of each other. I have never been at ease among those I do not know well." "But you know Bingley and his family well; why would you be ill at ease at Netherfield?" He looked surprised that she need ask the question. "I did not know the servants, nor the neighbors, and I knew that they were all drawing opinions of me. I dislike the feeling. Here I know what people think of me, and I know that their opinion is unlikely to change if I should make a mistake or accidentally offend someone." "And what do people think of you here?" she asked with a smile. He put his arms around her. "They think that I am the Master of Pemberley, and when they discover that you are to be my wife, they will think me the luckiest man alive," he said, and kissed her with such passion that the subject was dropped for quite some time. Darcy was also well pleased by the constant presence of Elizabeth. Knowing he would see her frequently each day, if not spend the entire day with her, kept him in high spirits, and her gradually increasing comfort with him added to his delight. After their conversation on the first day of her visit, he had found it easier to maintain his self-control with her, and enjoyed each and every opportunity they had to explore the pleasure that they could give one another without feeling tormented by the acute hunger for more than he could have. His nights were a different matter. The days between their engagement and Elizabeth's arrival at Pemberley had afforded him some of his first good nights of sleep since he had met her, and it was an unpleasant surprise to discover that her visit brought a return of his sleepless nights, though for a very different reason. His daytime ease in her presence disappeared once she retired for the night, and he became painfully aware of not only her absence, but also the permeability of the barriers that stood between them. His imagination presented to him the picture of that of which he was deprived, and the image of Elizabeth, dressed in nothing but a nightgown, with her hair loose upon her shoulders and an inviting smile on her face haunted him. The knowledge that this temptation resided under his roof with only a few feet of hall and a door between them did not leave him for a moment, and for the only time in their acquaintance, he had moments of wishing she were not so passionate in her responses to him, so that he could be more certain that she would throw him out in disgrace if he ever tried to breach that one barrier. He knew himself well 143

A bi ga il Rey nolds enough to be certain that he would not act on his impulses, but the mere presence of the possibility kept sleep at bay until late into the night. Elizabeth, unaware of his nighttime battles, was enjoying her ability to be more at ease with Darcy each day as she came to understand him better. She was finally beginning to comprehend what he had meant when he said that he was shy, and that she had misinterpreted the results of that shyness as arrogance and incivility. When she felt mystified by the changes in Darcy, she need only look at Georgiana, who also blossomed at Pemberley, though not to quite to the degree her brother did. It was enough, however, to reveal a rather sly sense of humour and some of the excitement typical to a girl of her age, and Elizabeth was pleased to discover that her future sister could chatter away as well as Kitty or Lydia when the circumstances were right. Unfortunately, several days into their visit, Georgiana became ill with a bad cold, and after making a valiant attempt to ignore her symptoms in a effort to be a good hostess, retired to bed. She insisted, however, that her guests go about their business, and Mrs. Gardiner proposed that it might be a good time for her and her niece to visit her Lambton acquaintances, which would also allow Mr. Gardiner and Mr. Darcy to enjoy an often-discussed day of fishing. The party did not gather again until dinnertime, when the ladies were regaled with tales of the sport the gentlemen had found. Darcy had found the day a pleasant one, but, as he far preferred the company of Elizabeth to that of fish, and this had been the longest daytime period he had been deprived of her company since their arrival, felt that it could have been improved upon. A brief evening tryst in the garden helped appease his feelings of deprivation, but not without exciting urges he preferred to forget as nighttime approached. When Elizabeth retired for the night, she could hear Georgiana's labored coughing from the next room, and found it difficult to sleep thinking of how she must be feeling. Remembering how she had sat with Jane when she was ill at Netherfield, on impulse she made her way to Georgiana's room, careful to avoid notice as she was dressed already for bed. Georgiana was in fact very grateful to have some distraction from her ailment, and Elizabeth ended up spending several hours with her in the kind of sisterly conversation that Georgiana had always craved before she finally fell into a restless sleep. On returning to her room, Elizabeth found that she herself was now too alert for sleep. She picked up the novel that she was reading, but decided that it was too engaging for her current needs; what she required was some dull 144

THE RULE OF REASON sermons or essays that would bring sleep quickly. There was certain to be something to fit the description in the extensive library below. She debated dressing, but dismissed the idea, since it was by now well past midnight, and no one would be up and about to see her, and even if they did, her dressing gown was quite modest. Taking her candle, she slipped out of her room, down the stairs, and to the library. Once inside the door, she stopped to find her bearings in the extensive space, recalling from her earlier explorations that there had been some religious books along the far wall. Passing behind a series of chairs, she had just turned the corner to reach them when a light to the side of her caught her attention, causing her to bring her hand over her heart in surprise. "Very fetching, Miss Bennet." Darcy's familiar voice came from out of the shadows. She could barely make out his form, lit only by a small candle. She blushed furiously as she recalled her current improper attire, but told herself firmly that she was every bit as covered as she would be by her normal apparel, and he had, after all, had the opportunity to see her with her hair down before, so there should be no reason for concern, at least so long as no one knew of this encounter. "Mr. Darcy! I did not expect anyone to be about at this hour." "Nor did I," he replied. He had been drinking in the sight of her, illuminated by the candle in her hand, since she stepped in the door, taking in the glimpses of her nightgown beneath the clinging dressing gown, and her long dark curls in disarray just as he had pictured. Though good manners required that he stand when she entered, he stayed seated, knowing that if he moved at all, he would move much too far. They could not be more alone, and he had been sitting here for hours longing for her; his need to take her in his arms and make her his was almost more than he could bear. "What brings you to burn the midnight oil?" he asked, knowing that if she said anything at all about thoughts of him, he was completely lost. "Georgiana could not sleep - her cough was keeping her awake - and we sat up together talking," she said, feeling as though she were babbling. "Then I could not fall asleep, and I thought something to read....." she paused, swallowing hard, as her eyes adjusted enough to make out that he was wearing nothing more than shirt and breeches. "....something to read might help me sleep." Her mouth felt dry, and her feet seemed rooted to the ground.

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A bi ga il Rey nolds "I believe that you might be able to find one or two books here," he said dryly. "Please help yourself." Or you could come here to me, and I will happily ensure that you do not mind being kept awake, my love. Far too aware of his presence, she turned and selected a book almost at random - it had 'Sermons' in the title, at least. She could feel his eyes running over her. The tension palpable in the air, she said, "I think that this should do." Her gaze was drawn again to the shape of his shoulders, undisguised by waistcoat and tailcoat. He could see the look of awareness in her eyes. "Go to bed, Elizabeth, while I can still call myself a gentleman," he said, keeping the tone of his voice lighter than his words would suggest. She could not help smiling impudently in response. "Good night, William," she said, a touch of mischief in her voice as she dropped a formal curtsey before turning to leave. She had not gone more than a half dozen steps before she felt her hand seized by his. Slowly she turned to face him. "Say that again," he commanded. Her breath caught. He looked even more devastatingly attractive from only an arms-length away. It is time for the coward's way out, she thought. "Good night, Mr. Darcy," she said sedately. With a slight smile, he hooked his fingers through the belt of her dressing gown. "Not quite right. Try again, Elizabeth." She ran her tongue over her dry lips before finally allowing herself to meet his eyes, knowing full well that he would be able to read in hers how much she desired his kisses. "Good night, William," she said softly. "Not yet, my love," he said. Dropping her hand, he took her candle from her and set it on the mantle behind her, his eyes never leaving hers. Very slowly he bent his head toward hers, and just before their lips met, she gasped as she realized that his hands were untying the belt of her dressing gown, and then the warm touch of his hand through only the thin fabric of her nightgown made her forget everything beyond the rush of heat running through her as he captured her mouth in a kiss that seemed to demand her very soul. She felt as if she were melting as his hands caressed her, slowly traveling around to her back in a thorough exploration of her curves. She moaned, her mouth still against his, as he traced up the line of her spine to her neck where his fingertips crept under the neckline of her nightgown. Unable to control the wild sensations traveling through her, she put her hands to his chest, savoring the shape of his muscles beneath his shirt, and slid them up to his neck, 146

THE RULE OF REASON unencumbered by a cravat, where the feeling of his warm skin under her fingers excited her yet further. Darcy tried to focus his attention on her kisses, tasting the passion that was clearly sweeping between them, but the rest of his body remained all too aware of how little stood between them, and as he finally pulled her to him, the sensation of her softness molding itself to him stole away any remaining rational thought. He slid his hands down over her ribs to take possession of the curves of her hips, and as he pressed her against him, his fingers made the stimulating discovery that it appeared that she was wearing nothing at all underneath her nightgown. He was lost, and he knew it. He could not wait for weeks; he had to have her. He began to spread kisses down her neck in the way he knew inflamed her, tasting the skin of each hollow as she arched herself against him. If only he could be sure that she would not refuse him.... Elizabeth felt almost wild from the currents of desire that were racing through her; she felt cravings she could not comprehend trying to take control of her body. She knew her danger, but could not bring herself to stop. She sighed as his hands caressed her through the thin fabric, and she felt streams of pleasure lance through her. As she tangled her hands in his thick curls, he commanded softly, "Tell me you want more." She did not want him ever to stop. "More," she whispered helplessly, and he was only too happy to indulge her need. This was every fantasy he had ever had come to life. After a minute, however, his hands paused in their wandering, and she looked at him in mute, bereft longing as he began to undo the top ties of her nightgown. For a moment, sense began to return to her, and she whispered, "William ..." "Shhh," he soothed her as he slipped his hand into the opening. The feeling of her soft skin excited him beyond what he believed possible. "Let me give you pleasure, my love." The exhilaration running through him as she moaned her response made his senses swim. He had never suffered such an intense desire for any woman before, just as he had never loved or needed another woman so much. And to see her pleasure equalling his gave him a satisfaction beyond any other. Yet how many times now had he seen the result - that she allowed him liberties beyond anything he had any right to expect, responded to him beyond his fondest dreams, and seemed to desire even more of him... and once it was over, regretted it in a way that cut him to the soul, to have caused her suffering 147

A bi ga il Rey nolds when he meant to give her pleasure. She had never said as much - she was far too private for that -- but he knew the expression she would have on her face, unable to look at him, wearing a smile that did not reach her eyes. How could he proceed now, knowing how she would feel when the rush of passion left her but how could he stop? Her warm skin beneath his caressing hands was so tempting, and the look of passion in her eyes made him long to forget that the thought had ever crossed his mind. "Elizabeth," he said, his voice sharp with pain, "God knows that I would do anything to have you in my bed tonight - anything except hurt you, and that risk I cannot take." She felt as if he had slipped a knife between her ribs. The passionate haze that had enveloped her was gone, completely vanished in a moment, and each breath seemed to bring a stab of pain. Without a word, she released her hold on him, and carefully removed his hands from her. Her cheeks were warm with shame as she turned away from him to tie her nightgown, but somehow she managed to summon a smile to cover her face before she turned to him again. "Elizabeth...." he said, uncertain how to comprehend her silent reaction, "I never meant it to go so far." "Of course not," she said in a voice whose very casualness betrayed the pain underneath it. "Nor did I, naturally. I shall bid you goodnight, then, Mr. Darcy." Taking up her candle, she turned to leave. He spoke her name once more, but if she heard it, she elected to ignore it. As she disappeared into the darkness, he collapsed into a chair. What was he to make of her abrupt withdrawal? Did it signify agreement, support for his words, or was it hurt, or anger? He cursed his own clumsiness, and his insanity in allowing himself to touch her in the first place; it was not as if he had failed to recognize the risk he was running. God, how he hated these episodes between them! He longed to have her back in his arms. His mind began to replay their time together, and in imagination he again ran his hands down the curves of her body. He ached for her, and he knew that he needed to escape his thoughts. On a moment's impulse, seeing the moonlight shining in the window, he decided to take advantage of the cool night air. He strode outside beyond view of the house, walking faster than was perhaps wise over uneven ground in the darkness, even under a full moon, but his pace gave some relief to his feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction. His thoughts were full of discontent; he knew beyond a doubt that it would have 148

THE RULE OF REASON been a mistake to persist in taking advantage of Elizabeth's response to him, yet it seemed to him to be cruelly unfair that she should be upset by his choice when it had been made in her best interest, not his. By now she could have been in his bed, and he could have been slaking his hunger in the delights of her body, but no, he had done the honourable thing - or at least the most honourable thing left to him after he had behaved quite dishonourably - and she had walked out in anger, or at the very least distress. His brief flash of anger with Elizabeth sputtered out as he acknowledged the truth of the situation; she had every right to resent him. Whatever credit he deserved for putting out the fire was devalued to nothing by the fact that he had started the conflagration in the first place, and been consistently responsible for its escalation. What had ever possessed him to untie her robe? That was so far from the act of a gentleman as to be totally damning and he had been wondering why she might be upset with him! God, how am I to survive another six weeks of this torture? he asked himself, knowing full well that it was a price he was more than willing to pay in order to be close to Elizabeth. It was simply that he had been starved of her for so long.... He paused at the bank over the lake to admire the moonlight on the water. If only it could be as simple for him as it was for Bingley - he loved his Miss Bennet just as well, but Darcy knew that Bingley would not be spending his nights awake, walking the grounds of Netherfield in a torment of frustration as he was. He sat down in the long grass, and lay back with his hands behind his head, watching the multitude of stars overhead, and drawing in long breaths of the night air. Slowly the worst of the tension left his body. I will have to throw myself on her mercy tomorrow, he thought. She will have no reason to trust me, but perhaps we could agree to be always chaperoned; that might satisfy her. The idea of spending the next weeks without even the relief he found in her kisses was a bleak one, but lacking her forgiveness would be even less tolerable. At least he had faith in her willingness to forgive him; he had trespassed against her often enough to recognize her generosity in that regard. Elizabeth was curled up in the window seat of her room, looking out over the moonlit park, in a not dissimilar state of distress. The thought of her behavior made her feel ill; she could scarce credit that it had happened at all. Once she had believed that she had some sense of morality and self-control, but she was rapidly coming to believe that it was merely a self-delusion. Why else would she permit him any liberties he chose to take, apparently without limit? She shuddered at the thought that she had with only the slightest of protests 149

A bi ga il Rey nolds allowed him to slip his hand inside her nightgown, and even now the mere recollection was enough to make her treacherous body long for his touch. God alone knew what would have happened if he had not stopped matters when he did; she had certainly been in no condition to do so. She supposed that she ought to be grateful to him for his self-control, but her embarrassment at her own failure lent anger to her spirits. What must he think of her behavior? And to think that she had been accustomed to condemning the loose behavior of her younger sisters, which was now nothing to her own! She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, trying to calm her unquiet mind. How was she ever to face him in the morning? Would these memories come between them every time he touched her? Then she heard his voice in her memory -- Elizabeth, the next time you believe that I disapprove of something you have done, please ask me, because I assure you that it is unlikely to be true. With a sigh, she considered the proposition that she might be over-reacting regarding his opinion of her; after all, he had indicated on several occasions that he was pleased by her receptiveness to his attentions. Well, if he was pleased in the past, he must be feeling complete delight tonight, she thought irreverently, her sense of humour resurfacing. She gazed out the window once more, thinking that if she did not fall asleep soon, her worries about tomorrow would be moot as she would likely be too fatigued to care about anything. She stretched, and as she did so she caught sight of a figure approaching the house. She continued to watch it as it drew nearer, thinking that she knew of only one other wakeful person at Pemberley, but somehow the profile seemed wrong. He was walking below her window when the bright moonlight finally revealed that it was indeed Darcy, with his curls slicked to his head, and his shirt clinging to his body in a most revealing manner. He looked drenched, she realized, but could make no sense of it on such a clear night. A smile came over her face as she realized that he must have been swimming - an interesting response indeed to their encounter in the library! She admired his shape from this safe distance, then froze as she saw him look up in her direction. She became conscious that her form, lit from behind by the candle, must be easily visible to his dark-acclimated eyes. The light was insufficient to allow her to see the expression on his face, but after a moment he made a courtly bow in her direction. She smiled at his peace offering, and impulsively mimed blowing him a kiss in return. She imagined the smile that she could not see as he returned the gesture before continuing to the door. Her spirits much lifted, she returned at last to her bed, and closed her eyes on 150

THE RULE OF REASON thoughts much more pleasant than she could have imagined a few minutes earlier.

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Chapter 10

The previous night's misadventures came into Elizabeth's mind as soon as she opened her eyes the following morning. Her embarrassment returned with the daylight - she could not believe what she had permitted; for that matter, she could hardly believe what he had done. She was none to anxious to go down to breakfast and face him, but she knew that there was no point in delaying; they were, after all, to spend the entire day together with Georgiana and the Gardiners on a trip to see Haddon Hall. She felt a brief reprieve when she reached the breakfast room and discovered that he was not yet there, though the rest of the party was already present. She greeted the others, and as she began to eat, asked about their departure plans. "We need have no delay," said Georgiana. "William, it turns out, will not be joining us, as he is needed on the estate for some urgent business." Business that he had apparently not known about just a few short hours before, thought Elizabeth, or could it be business that was manufactured?. "I am sorry to hear that," she said. "I hope the matter is nothing too serious." Georgiana shrugged lightly. "I really could not say. He had already left when I came down, and the message he left for me had no details." Elizabeth fought a sinking feeling, wondering if he was avoiding her, and if so, what was in his mind. She determined, however, to remember what he had said about asking him before assuming that he was upset with her, and tried 152

THE RULE OF REASON valiantly, albeit with only partial success, to put the matter from her mind. She found the thought creeping into her mind from time to time throughout the day, and found it hard to enjoy the beauties of the famous gardens of Haddon. The others noticed that she seemed slightly out of spirits, but attributed it to missing her fiancé. On their return to Pemberley, they found that the master was still away from the house, and the servants seemed to have no news of him, despite saying that he was expected to return in time for dinner, a combination that seemed rather peculiar to Elizabeth. She eventually settled with a book, but found herself glancing out the window every few minutes to see if Darcy might be returning from his mysterious business. At one point, she saw two workmen approaching across the grassy hill, but the next time she looked out, she realized that one of them was Darcy himself, clad in a torn shirt that could only be generously described as filthy, breeches, and boots, and his companion looked no better. As they came closer, she recognized the second man as his steward, and she watched in shocked fascination as Darcy clapped him on the back before walking off to the house. On an ill-defined impulse, she walked rapidly toward the front hall. She was half-way down the long stairs when she spotted Darcy being accosted by one of the footmen. "Mr. Darcy, sir, begging your pardon, but I wondered if you had any news. Mrs. Wheeler's sister Ann works in the kitchen, and we've all been worrying, sir." "I assume you have already heard about the children?" Darcy asked somberly. At the footman's nod, he added, "Give me a quarter hour to make myself decent and I shall come to the kitchens myself to tell them what I know." "Thank you, sir. They will appreciate it." Darcy paused a moment, and then said, "On second thought, perhaps I should go there now." Part way across the hall Darcy spied Elizabeth on the steps. Their eyes met and held for a minute, then he cast a rueful glance at his attire, and an apologetic one to her before disappearing in the direction of the kitchen. Mystified, Elizabeth decided that she was unlikely to receive an answer on his behaviour until dinnertime, and took the opportunity to return to her rooms to dress for dinner. At least she knew now that his business had been real, if puzzling. Her maid was already preparing her gown, and as Elizabeth submitted to her ministrations, she said, "I saw Mr. Darcy return just now. He looked as if he had quite a difficult day." 153

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Oh, yes, Miss Bennet. The Wheelers' cottage burned down, and he was there all day making arrangements for the family." "How dreadful! Was anyone injured?" Elizabeth asked with concern, thinking that Darcy had not reached his present state of dishevelment by 'making arrangements.' "It's very sad, miss. Two of the children never made it out of the house, and Mr. Wheeler's leg was crushed when he tried to go in after them. That's all we really know here. " "I am very sorry to hear that!" exclaimed Elizabeth. "Those poor, unfortunate people!" "At least they know that they will be taken care of, and have a roof over their heads," the maid responded practically as she brushed out Elizabeth's hair. "There's many a landlord who would do nothing for them, but Mr. Darcy always takes care of his own." He certainly does, Elizabeth thought. "But I really shouldn't have said anything about it, miss, since Mr. Darcy asked us to keep it quiet, as he didn't want Miss Georgiana to worry." "I shall not breathe a word of it to her," Elizabeth reassured her. When she returned downstairs, she found the Gardiners and Georgiana already present. Darcy joined them a little later than was his wont, restored to his usual well turned-out self, his hair still damp. Apart from lines of fatigue around his eyes, he looked no different from usual. He asked after their day, and seemed interested in hearing of the splendors of the rose gardens of Haddon Hall. When Mr. Gardiner asked about his day, he replied only that he was attending to some business with his tenants. Elizabeth noted that, apart from sitting by her, he was somewhat less attentive to her than usual - no intent looks, whispered greetings, or special smile - and hoped it could be attributed to the difficult day he had obviously had, and not to the events of the previous night. She could not help noticing, however, that he seemed to wince occasionally, and, just before they were to go in to dinner, she observed that he was holding his glass in a peculiarly stiff manner. Concerned, she waited until the others were distracted, and reached over and took his hand. To her surprise, he tried to pull it away, clearly attempting to avoid letting her see it. Eyeing him suspiciously, she said quietly, "I would like to see your hand, Mr. Darcy." "Miss Bennet, it is nothing to worry yourself over, merely a scrape," he responded shortly. 154

THE RULE OF REASON "Mr. Darcy," she said, her tone a warning. Their eyes locked in a brief battle, then Darcy, with an exasperated roll of his eyes, turned his hands so that she could see them. She bit her lip to stifle a gasp when she saw the burns, blisters, and scrapes that scored his palms and the inside surfaces of his fingers. She reassured herself that they did not look deep, but certainly must be very painful, and asked, "Have you put anything on them?" "No need; I shall be fine," he said in a voice that declared the subject closed. "I beg to differ," she said. "Those require care. Excuse me, sir, I shall return shortly." She stood and exited before he could protest, as she was certain that he would, then paused when she was out in the hall, realizing that she had no idea where to locate the items she needed at Pemberley without creating more commotion than Darcy would wish. Finally she asked a servant to show her the way to Mrs. Reynold's rooms. The housekeeper seemed surprised to see her. "How may I help you, Miss Bennet?" she asked civilly. "Mrs. Reynolds, I am looking for some oil of lavender, or perhaps oil of chamomile if that is not available. Would you have something along those lines available?" Mrs. Reynolds promptly sent off a servant for the required items, then asked, "Is there a problem, miss?" Elizabeth debated the suitability of telling her, then, recollecting the obvious affection between the two, elected frankness. "Mr. Darcy burned his hands today, and I believe that oil of lavender will be beneficial to his burns." The housekeeper's respect for the young lady seemed to increase as she noted that Miss Bennet was not only was concerned about the master, but knew her remedies as well. "Will you be requiring bandages as well, then?" Elizabeth paused. "It would be a good idea, if he would accept it." A brief smile crossed Mrs. Reynolds' face. "Just a moment, miss. Let me see what I can find." She returned several minutes later, followed by a girl with a basin, towels, and strips of clean linen. Leading the way to a small room near the dining-parlour, she laid out the supplies, and asked conversationally, "May I ask, miss, how you convinced him to accept this? He is usually somewhat reluctant to be cared for." Elizabeth hid a smile somewhat unsuccessfully.. "I did not offer him a choice." 155

A bi ga il Rey nolds With a shrewd look, the housekeeper said, "Then perhaps you should bring him here; he may listen better to you than to me." Accepting this directive, Elizabeth returned to him and quietly asked, "Mr. Darcy, would you be so kind as to accompany me for a moment?" Looking somewhat displeased, especially since they seemed to have garnered the attention of the others, he replied, "I do not believe it necessary, Miss Bennet." Her eyes narrowed. Leaning toward him, she whispered in his ear, "If you do not cooperate, sir, I shall be forced to take desperate action." A slight smile crossed his lips. "And what would that entail, Miss Bennet?" he replied in kind. "I am sorry to resort to vile threats of this nature, but if you do not join me, I will tell your sister what you have done to your hands," she whispered. "That is blackmail," he argued good-naturedly. "I am glad to see that you do not underestimate me, sir!" she said. He sighed deeply. "Very well, Miss Bennet, I am at your command." Following her to the prepared room, he rolled his eyes as he took in the presence of Mrs. Reynolds, but obediently complied with her instructions to seat himself and hold out his hands. "Oh, Master William," the housekeeper said reproachfully as she surveyed the damage, and shook her head disapprovingly. "We shall need to clean those off before anything else. I cannot believe that Wilkins let you out like this without a word to me!" Elizabeth had to press her hand against her mouth to hide a smile at this interaction and at the distinctly sulky look on Darcy's face at that moment. "There is no need for all this," he insisted. "Miss Bennet's concern is touching, but this is hardly serious." "Miss Bennet has twice the sense you do, Mr. Darcy!" Mrs. Reynolds said tartly. "Now, hold still while I clean them. However did you do that?" she asked, pointing to a line of raw flesh across his fingers. "Bucket line," he said succinctly. "I have altogether the wrong sort of calluses." Seeing the obvious flash of pain cross his face as the process was begun, Elizabeth, thinking that he might like some privacy, said, "Perhaps I should rejoin the others now."

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THE RULE OF REASON He looked up at her. "Oh, no, Miss Bennet. You forced me into this; you will have to stay to comfort me." He grimaced at a particularly painful sensation. "I fear that Mr. Darcy has never been the best patient," Mrs. Reynolds said in a soothing voice. "I am hardly surprised; I have noticed that he prefers to take care of others, rather than of himself," Elizabeth teased, hoping to distract him from his discomfort. Mrs. Reynolds glanced up at her shrewdly, thinking that perhaps she needed to reassess Miss Bennet. Perhaps there were more things that Wilkins had failed to report to her. She applied the remedies, then pulled out the bandages. "No bandages," Darcy said definitely, pulling his hands away. "Sir, they need bandaging. This hand, at the very least," Mrs. Reynolds argued. Elizabeth rested her hand lightly on his shoulder for a moment. He looked up at her and sighed, seeing the determined look in her eye. "Very well. But just this hand," he said resignedly. "Do you plan to always be this insistent, Miss Bennet?" She gave the matter a moment's consideration. "Yes, I do," she said certainly. "Do you plan to always be this recalcitrant, Mr. Darcy?" "You may count on it, madam!" he retorted. "Well," she said with a playful smile, "I am glad that we understand one other, then." Darcy looked back at Mrs. Reynolds in time to catch a broad smile on her face as she tied off the bandage. "You need not agree with her so easily, you know, Mrs. Reynolds - you are supposed to be on my side, after all!" "Not to worry, sir; I can tell already that Miss Bennet and I are going to get along just fine," the housekeeper said significantly. "Now, we should change those tomorrow. I shall speak to Wilkins about it, and while I am at it I shall give him some laudanum for you as well; you may need it tonight to sleep." "That will not be necessary," he stated firmly. "Nonetheless, he will have it if you need it," Mrs. Reynolds said as she gathered her supplies. Darcy offered Elizabeth his arm, but as they departed, he did not turn toward the dining-parlour, and instead led her into his study. For a moment Elizabeth worried that he was angrier at her for her insistence than she had 157

A bi ga il Rey nolds thought, but as he caught her to him, she realized that he had quite a different agenda in mind. He looked down at her. "Well, Miss Bennet, I have been quite cooperative, and now I believe that I deserve to be distracted from my pain." "There are any number of excellent books that I can recommend to you, sir," she said playfully, "or perhaps I could ask your sister to play for you." "That was not precisely what I had in mind," he retorted. "Does that mean that you want me to encourage you?" His smile was devastating. "How much trouble can I cause when I cannot use my hands?" "True enough." With a mischievous smile, she took his arm with the unbandaged hand carefully by the wrist. Lifting it to her face, she brushed the back of his hand lightly against her cheek, then began tormenting him by covering it with feather-light kisses from the line of his sleeve to his uninjured fingertips, to which she gave a little extra attention. "Is that better?" she asked impishly. "Much more effective than laudanum," he responded in a somewhat strangled voice. He bent to kiss her, but she ducked away from him, standing on her toes to touch his neck with her lips, teasing him as he had so effectively done to her in the past. "Elizabeth, please..." Taking pity on him, she pulled his head down to hers and allowed him to claim her lips. His kiss was passionate, but it also seemed somehow distracted to Elizabeth. She pulled back and looked up at him, a concerned look on her face. "I can tell that something is the matter, but not what it may be. Can you tell me what is troubling you?" He gathered her to him somewhat clumsily, avoiding the use of his hands, and buried his face in her hair. He was silent for a moment, then said somewhat heavily, "I had a difficult day." "At the cottage fire?" "You managed to find out about it, then? I had left word that no one was to be told; I did not want you to worry." Not wishing to betray the maid who provided her information, she said gently, "Given that there was a fire, and you came home covered with soot and with burns on your hands, it seemed a logical conclusion, sir." "I think I preferred it last night when you called me 'William.'" 158

THE RULE OF REASON She nestled in against him. "William, then," she said softly, wishing that he would tell her what was distressing him. It disturbed her that he did not seem to trust her with his troubles. Of course, to be fair, she was not in the habit of telling him her worries, despite active encouragement on his part. She supposed that she had never really given him any evidence that she wanted him to share his difficulties with her; she had been more concerned with not revealing too much of her own vulnerabilities to him. Here, then, was the cost of that - he clearly did not feel able to tell her his troubles. She found that this outcome was one that she disliked, but if she wanted to change it, it would require taking risks of her own. Considering her options, she said, "Do you remember the day we walked to Gadebridge Hill?" If he was surprised by her sudden change of subject, he did not show it. "I recall it quite vividly - it was the first time I kissed you. I think that qualifies it as unforgettable." She smiled, her head resting comfortably against his chest, and took a deep breath. "That was the day that I realized that I was falling in love with you." Her eyes closed, she awaited his reaction with trepidation. It was not long in coming. He reached down and tipped her chin up so that he could see her face, wincing slightly as the activity pained his injured hand. "Elizabeth," he said in pleased astonishment. "I ... you are more than I deserve." The look of heartfelt delight on his face made her wish that she had told him long ago. He kissed her with a tenderness that she had not experienced from him before, and said, "Thank you - you have made me very happy, my dearest." Resolutely, she said, "One of the reasons I realized it then was that I discovered how much I disliked it when you withdrew into your own thoughts, and would not tell me what was troubling you." He laughed. "Ah, so there is an ulterior motive to this lovely confession, I see!" She fluttered her lashes at him teasingly. "Is that not always the case, sir?" He frowned at her in mock disapproval. "You have not been listening to me, Miss Bennet! I thought that we had just agreed on what my name is. Perhaps you have forgotten it already." "Not to worry," she replied mischievously. "I feel certain that I have it written down somewhere." He nibbled her lip in response. Her gaze became 159

A bi ga il Rey nolds more serious, and she reached up to caress his cheek. "Will you not tell me about today?" He sighed. "Come sit with me, then." He settled himself in a large armchair, and opened his arms to her, and with a slight blush, she sat on his lap and leaned her head against his shoulder. "It was dreadful, naturally," he began. "The family lost everything they owned, and there was so little that I could do to help them. They were devastated, and..." His voice trailed off. "And what?" she asked softly. "Are you certain that you wish to hear this? It is not pretty, I must warn you." "If you had to see it, then I want to hear about it." "Their two youngest children were still in the house," he said, his voice tired and strained. "We could not reach them until the flames were mostly doused. Thank heavens there was no wind! I found one of them when we finally went in - that was when I did this." He opened his hands. "There was nothing that could be done; he had hardly been touched by the fire, but the smoke must have been enough. I carried his body out to his parents." He paused. "I did not know him, but I remember when he was born; it was shortly after I took over managing the estate." She held him close, knowing that there was nothing she could say, but wanting to comfort him. He permitted her to stroke his hair for a minute, then turned his head to kiss her hand absently. "I know that it is foolish, but I feel as if somehow I ought to have been able to prevent it somehow," he said, his tone closer to his usual one. "That is foolish," she said gently, "but I understand why you might feel that way. Is there anything that can be done for them now?" "I believe that it is all in hand. They are staying with family, and I had some clothes and other necessities sent down to them. Some of the other tenants will work their fields until they can manage again. I have told them that we will rebuild, but that will take time - there will be enough work just clearing the site. There is little else that can be done at present. I will need to ask Georgiana to call on the family tomorrow." "If you wish, I can accompany her," she offered. "She would appreciate that, I know; she finds these duties somewhat uncomfortable. It is kind of you to offer." "It will be my responsibility soon enough," she said. 160

THE RULE OF REASON He glanced at her in surprise. "So it will be," he said slowly. "I had not thought about it that way." Oddly, he had given very little thought to the idea of Elizabeth as Mistress of Pemberley, and he felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought of having to share her attention. "I see that you have some doubts about that; I know that I am inexperienced, but I will learn, and I am not afraid to ask questions," she said boldly. "Now you are the one jumping to conclusions - I have no doubts at all about your ability; I was merely contemplating the sad fact that I will not be the sole focus of your attention. I am a very selfish soul, you know." She smiled at him patiently. "You are the one I love; responsibility for Pemberley simply happens to come with you." He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "Do you have any idea how long I have waited to hear you say that you love me?" he said with deep emotion. "And now you may hear it any time you wish," she said lightly, still finding discussing her feelings for him to be very difficult. "Then you will be saying it very frequently," he responded. Why is this so difficult to say? she asked herself. I have long prided myself on the idea that I would only marry for love; why is it so hard to tell him so, when it means so much to him? "I love you dearly, William," she said hesitantly, surprised to find tears pricking at the corner of her eyes. "My dearest, loveliest Elizabeth," he responded warmly, kissing her with deep gentleness and affection. Elizabeth, feeling simultaneously relieved, moved and agitated by the confession she had made, held him close as she responded to his kisses. She felt that they had somehow crossed into a new territory of intimacy, and she was at least as frightened by it as she was stirred. The tenderness he was showing touched her deeply. After several minutes, Elizabeth managed to say, "Do you suppose that the others are still waiting for us to begin dinner?" "Let them wait," Darcy said, sounding every inch the high-handed Master of Pemberley she had once thought him. "I have been waiting for your love for months. I would like to enjoy it for a few minutes before I have to return to calling you 'Miss Bennet' and to not being allowed to touch you or to tell you of my love for you." 161

A bi ga il Rey nolds "I, personally, would like to enjoy it for some years," replied Elizabeth spiritedly, "which is why you are going to promise me not to walk into any more burning buildings." "Elizabeth," he said, caressing her cheek, "I have responsibilities I cannot ignore." "You also have responsibilities to me now, and someday to our children, and they include keeping yourself safe," she said firmly. "I would like you to think for just a minute how you would feel if I were putting myself in that sort of danger." Darcy, who had his own worries about the dangers Elizabeth faced which were accidentally triggered by her choice of words, tightened his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. "Your point is taken," he said, his voice muffled, seeing images of his mother's near-fatal illness after Georgiana's birth, and her death five years later along with her newborn son. Elizabeth felt his tension, and without fully understanding its source, said, "Perhaps that was a poor example; I am forgetting that you are far better at the art of worrying than I am. But you are too dear to me to risk, so please take care." "I shall," he said, deliberately putting aside the images of the past. "You may count on the fact that I want to be with you." Unwilling to continue in this vein, he changed the subject definitively by capturing her mouth with a kiss whose eloquence spoke of his love for her, and it was some time before either of them gave further consideration to anything besides the other. The Gardiners devoted most of the next few days to visiting Mrs. Gardiner's Lambton acquaintances, while Elizabeth preferred to stay at Pemberley. She accompanied Georgiana on several tenant visits, and was pleased to hear how universally Mr. Darcy was respected for his fairness and generosity. She noted the excellent condition of the tenant properties; as she had suspected, Darcy was also a careful manager. She found these visits reassuring as well since they gave her an added sense of her ability to handle her future duties as Mistress of Pemberley. One particularly fine morning Darcy invited her to join him in a walk through the park, a suggestion which she immediately accepted with a smile. She knew from experience that they would wander as far as possible from the house, and that he would share some of his preferred places with her, and that they would not return until she had been quite thoroughly kissed. As usual, it 162

THE RULE OF REASON did not take long for a delightful tension to develop between the two as they descended among hanging woods, to the edge of the stream where it was crossed by a simple bridge. It was a spot less adorned than many in the park, and a particular favorite of Darcy's. Elizabeth paused on the bridge to look down the glen, which allowed room only for the stream, and a narrow walk amidst the rough coppice-wood which bordered it. As she admired the view, it was with no particular surprise, but a great deal of pleasure, that she felt her fiancé's arms slide around her waist. She leaned back against him with a happy sigh, enjoying the feel of his strong body against hers, and thought of how amazingly far they had traveled in the months of their acquaintance with each other, and how astonished she would have been only a few months ago had she known that some day she would find some of her greatest pleasure and comfort in his embrace. Darcy's thoughts, as often seemed to happen these days, were not far from hers. He nuzzled her hair, enjoying its softness and sweet scent, and thought of how impossible this scene would have once seemed. He would be forever grateful to Colonel Fitzwilliam for browbeating him into returning to Hertfordshire. The idea of a lifetime without the woman in his arms was be a bleak one indeed. "Did you know," he said softly, his mouth at her ear, "that this was one of the places I used to picture being with you last winter, during those months when I did not expect to see you again, but could never bring myself to forget you?" She tilted her head against his shoulder so that she could look at him. "Very foresightful, I must say," she teased. He nibbled gently on her ear. "Are you laughing at my suffering, my love? It was not my fault that I was so bewitched by you." "Does that mean that you believe it to be mine?" she asked archly. "Completely and totally," he said, allowing his lips to drift behind her ear, and then down the line of her neck until she shivered in response. "If you had not persisted stubbornly in being so lovely, so witty, so lively, and so generally enchanting, I would never have had such a problem." He remembered the heated dreams he had first had during her visit to Netherfield when Jane was ill, in which he had done so much more to her attractive body than he dared think of at the moment. He distracted himself from those thoughts by continuing his attentions to her neck in a most enticing manner. Elizabeth felt as if she were melting as his kisses invoked a flood of desire. His hands made lazy circles which seemed to leave paths of fire on her, 163

A bi ga il Rey nolds and she murmured his name longingly. A look of satisfaction crossed his face; he had been very careful in his attentions to her since that night in the library when he had crossed the bounds, and he had refrained from deliberately trying to arouse her as he was at the moment. God, how he loved making her want him! It gave him an excitement like no other, and he savored her small whimpers of pleasure as he moved his lips to the nape of her neck. She bent her head to better accommodate him, and he incautiously let his mouth travel to the back neckline of her gown where he could taste the soft sweetness of her skin. She shuddered, trying to retain some semblance of control over her rioting feelings as he continued his explorations. Her mouth felt starved for his kisses, but he made it clear with his actions that he would not satisfy that longing until he was ready. By this time his own response to her was acute, and he moved his hands away from the delights of her body while he still could, and began stroking them up and down her arms. This could not satisfy him for long, though, and with a deeply possessive impulse, he slid his hands up inside the short sleeves of her gown until they reached her shoulders. She gasped at the startling intimate sensation that was produced as his fingers stroked her hidden skin. The euphoric feeling Darcy experienced on capturing this new portion of her body was extreme and fraught with danger; he found his eyes drifting down to the fastenings of her gown as his small taste of the freedom of her body left him all the hungrier for more. "William," she begged, her voice quivering with desire, and he finally captured her mouth with a hunger that she met with equal need. He tried to funnel his desire for possession of her body into possessing her mouth, and he kissed her with a passion that left them both trembling. He forced himself to release her while he still could, and said in a jesting manner, "Are you sure that you want to wait five more weeks to wed?" She looked up at him ruefully, her lips becomingly swollen from his kisses and her eyes still dark with passion. "What I want and what I think best may not be the same in this case," she said, and taken by an sudden impulse of affection, put her hand to his cheek and said, "I do love you so, William." His face lightened, although he showed only a slight smile. "And I adore you, my dearest, as well as desiring you quite fiercely." She smiled playfully at him, and, taking his hand, tugged him to continue on their walk before they found themselves in further difficulty. "I should have realized that such a beautiful day would put thoughts in your head," she teased. 164

THE RULE OF REASON "And you would be correct that the thoughts were there, but personally, I would lay the blame on the loveliness of a certain lady, rather than the day," he responded. "I am not in a position to argue with your understanding of the situation, sir," she said with a laugh. "My understanding of these matters is excellent, Miss Bennet. After all, I understood that you should marry me long before you did," he said, picking a sprig of light yellow flowers from a nearby bush and tucking it into her hair. She gave him a sparking smile. "Yes, but had you courted me like this at Rosings, I might have agreed sooner," she responded. "Which part of this courting should I have used then, madam? I somehow imagine that you might have had some objection had I, on one of our walks through the park, taken you into my arms and kissed you passionately," said Darcy, demonstrating his meaning as he spoke. She was breathless when he released her. "I might have found it somewhat surprising, to say the least, if the severe and stern Mr. Darcy were to have behaved in such a manner," she said lightly, "though it likely would have convinced me that I was somewhat mistaken about your impression of me." "And what would you have done?" She decided that it would be impolitic to say that he would have found himself on the receiving end of a tongue-lashing that would have made her response to his proposal look temperate. "Before or after the shock caused me to feel faint?" "Oh, before, definitely; afterwards I would have been far too involved in taking advantage of you to give my attention to anything else." "I cannot believe that the proper Mr. Darcy would have had such thoughts," she teased. "The proper Mr. Darcy was having thoughts at Rosings that would still shock you, my love," he said. "Were you not aware that you were living a double life then? During the day, you limited yourself to the occasional impertinent remark, but late at night, my dearest, your behaviour was truly scandalous." "Really?" Elizabeth laughed. "And am I to assume that you took advantage of my shocking conduct?" "Assiduously, my dearest, loveliest Elizabeth," he said. "It appears that you have also forgotten the times on our walks when, instead of walking silently at your side, I was doing this." He turned, trapping her between him and the 165

A bi ga il Rey nolds trunk of a large tree, his hands resting to either side of her, and leaned in to press kisses along the lines of her neck, sending exquisite fiery sensations through her. She shivered as his lips explored the tender skin below her ear, haunted by the urgent desire to feel his body against hers. Finally their mouths met; he kissed her lightly but enticingly, tempting her to deepen the kiss. She slid her arms around his neck and pulled him to her as her kisses turned teasing in return, and she felt his fingers tangle themselves in her hair, doing battle with the formal styling until it slid down across her shoulders in a mass of unruly curls. He ran his hands through her hair, letting himself explore the pleasures of her mouth. "You were not quite so delightfully responsive then; my imagination did not range that far - if it had, you might have found yourself in dreadful straits indeed, my beautiful Elizabeth," he murmured, leaning into her so that her back rested against the tree. The feeling of his strong body against hers sent intoxicating waves of desire tumbling through her that his kisses could only begin to address, and she gasped her pleasure as his lips again began to wander down to the hollows of her shoulders. With one hand firmly ensconced in her hair, he trailed one finger of the other along the neckline of her gown in a manner which left her making small, inarticulate sounds of pleasure. "Oh, God, Elizabeth," he groaned as his lips began to explore further. "You have no idea what you do to me." "William," she whispered, half unwillingly, "you mustn't." Somehow she found the resolve to put her hands to his shoulders to urge him away even as her body clamored for more. Reluctantly, he withdrew, only to slide his arms around her waist, letting her lean against him, her head against his shoulder. "My love," he said with a deep sigh. "You are such a temptation." After a few moments, he pulled away, taking in her disheveled appearance. "My wood nymph," he said with a smile. She raised an eyebrow. "I must confess, I do not recall you behaving in that precise manner when we were in Kent," she said with a saucy smile, beginning to search through her hair for displaced hair pins. "That simply demonstrates how little you knew of what was in my mind then." "No wonder you were so silent, then; your mind was quite busily engaged elsewhere, it seems," she teased. "Well, it should be clear now why I felt obligated to propose, after behaving in such an ungentlemanlike manner." 166

THE RULE OF REASON Elizabeth, thinking how greatly she enjoyed it when he was in a playful mood such as this, and how little she would have ever expected it from him, smiled at him, was pleased that he could now tease her about her hurtful words at Hunsford. Perhaps that piece of the past could indeed be put behind them. "We had best return to the house, I believe," she said lightly, but with distinct meaning, pausing to put her hair up again. "As you wish," he said with rueful amusement. They walked on for a short time longer, and as they drew nearer to Pemberley House, he paused to enjoy a last few moments alone with her. With a smile, he removed a small twig from her hair. "While I am more than happy to have you be my wood nymph, my dearest, I believe that I prefer to reserve that look for when we are alone," he said warmly. Their eyes met in a lingering gaze. "You are my very dearest love, Elizabeth; I do not know how I ever managed to survive without you," he said, caressing her cheek lightly. "So long as you do not try to survive without me now, I am content," she responded. It seemed as if she were always wishing to be in his arms these days; it was a constant sense of loss when they were in company and had to keep to a proper distance. She had truly never imagined the powerful force that love could be, that she would ever reach a state where he would be in her every thought, and that she would want nothing more than to be with him, when love itself would be a physical sensation that filled her whenever he was near. It is an excellent thing, she thought, that we do not have to wait for months to marry; it is too hard to be separated already. She did not know the extent to which her heart was in her eyes, but the impact of what Darcy saw in them was powerful. After all of the trials of the last year, the separations, the misunderstandings, the long waiting, and the gnawing need he had felt for her, these few days since she had declared her love for him had been like manna from heaven. He was in a constant state of elation; the pleasure that a mere glance from her could give him was beyond his imaginings. He would have been more than happy to send everyone else away from Pemberley, yes, even Georgiana, so that it could be just the two of them, together always, so that he could always feel her near him, her gaze upon him. Finally they tore their eyes away from one another and entered the house, where the butler informed Mr. Darcy that the post had arrived, and with it two letters for Miss Bennet. She and Darcy glanced at each other regretfully, neither truly wishing to part from the other, but acknowledging that the time had come. "Until later, Miss Bennet," he said with a formal bow. 167

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Until then, Mr. Darcy," she responded in kind before finding her way to the sitting room to enjoy her letters. She had been a good deal disappointed in not finding a letter from Jane on their first arrival at Pemberley; and this disappointment had been renewed on each of the mornings that had now been spent there; but on this day, her repining was over, and her sister justified; one of the letters was marked that it had been missent elsewhere. Elizabeth was not surprised at it, as Jane had written the direction remarkably ill. The one missent must be first attended to; it had been written five days ago. The beginning contained an account of all their little parties and engagements, with such news as the country afforded, as well as her sister's raptures over her dearest Mr. Bingley; but the latter half, which was dated a day later, and written in evident agitation, gave more important intelligence. It was to this effect: Since writing the above, dearest Lizzy, something has occurred of a most unexpected and serious nature; but I am afraid of alarming you -- be assured that we are all well. What I have to say relates to poor Lydia. An express came at twelve last night, just as we were all gone to bed, from Colonel Forster, to inform us that she was gone off to Scotland with one of his officers; to own the truth, with Wickham! -Imagine our surprise. To Kitty, however, it does not seem so wholly unexpected. I am very, very sorry. So imprudent a match on both sides! -- But I am willing to hope the best, and that his character has been misunderstood. Thoughtless and indiscreet I can easily believe him, but this step (and let us rejoice over it) marks nothing bad at heart. His choice is disinterested at least, for he must know my father can give her nothing. Our poor mother is sadly grieved. My father bears it better. How thankful am I, that we never let them know what has been said against him; we must forget it ourselves, though how you are to broach the matter to Mr. Darcy I can make no suggestion. My dear Bingley has been everything that is kind, and I am most thankful that he is here. They were off Saturday night about twelve, as is conjectured, but were not missed till yesterday morning at eight. The express was sent off directly. My dear Lizzy, they must have passed within ten miles of us. Colonel Forster gives us reason to expect him here soon. Lydia left a few lines for his wife, informing her of their intention. I must conclude, for I cannot be long from my poor mother. I am afraid you will not be able to make it out, but I hardly know what I have written.' Without allowing herself time for consideration, and scarcely knowing what she felt, Elizabeth, on finishing this letter, instantly seized the other, and 168

THE RULE OF REASON opening it with the utmost impatience, read as follows -- it had been written a day later than the conclusion of the first: By this time, my dearest sister, you have received my hurried letter; I wish this may be more intelligible, but though not confined for time, my head is so bewildered that I cannot answer for being coherent. Dearest Lizzy, I hardly know what I would write, but I have bad news for you, and it cannot be delayed. Imprudent as a marriage between Mr. Wickham and our poor Lydia would be, we are now anxious to be assured it has taken place, for there is but too much reason to fear they are not gone to Scotland. Colonel Forster came yesterday, having left Brighton the day before, not many hours after the express. Though Lydia's short letter to Mrs. F. gave them to understand that they were going to Gretna Green, something was dropped by Denny expressing his belief that W. never intended to go there, or to marry Lydia at all, which was repeated to Colonel F., who, instantly taking the alarm, set off from B. intending to trace their route. He did trace them easily to Clapham, but no farther; for on entering that place they removed into a hackneycoach and dismissed the chaise that brought them from Epsom. All that is known after this is that they were seen to continue the London road. I know not what to think. After making every possible enquiry on that side London, Colonel F. came on into Hertfordshire, anxiously renewing them at all the turnpikes, and at the inns in Barnet and Hatfield, but without any success; no such people had been seen to pass through. With the kindest concern he came on to Longbourn, and broke his apprehensions to us in a manner most creditable to his heart. I am sincerely grieved for him and Mrs. F., but no one can throw any blame on them. Our distress, my dear Lizzy, is very great. My father and mother believe the worst, but I cannot think so ill of him. Many circumstances might make it more eligible for them to be married privately in town than to pursue their first plan; and even if he could form such a design against a young woman of Lydia's connections, which is not likely, can I suppose her so lost to every thing? -- Impossible. I grieve to find, however, that Colonel F. is not disposed to depend upon their marriage; he shook his head when I expressed my hopes, and said he feared W. was not a man to be trusted. My poor mother is really ill and keeps her room. Could she exert herself it would be better, but this is not to be expected; and as to my father, I never in my life saw him so affected. Poor Kitty has anger for having concealed their attachment; but as it was a matter of confidence, one cannot wonder. I am truly glad, dearest Lizzy, that you have been spared something of these distressing scenes; I do not know how I would manage it, though, were it not for the aid and support of my dear Bingley, who has been everything one could possibly ask in this time of trouble. Adieu. I take up my pen 169

A bi ga il Rey nolds again to make a request, because the circumstances are such, that I cannot help earnestly begging you all to come here as soon as possible. I know my dear uncle and aunt so well that I am not afraid of requesting it, though I have still something more to ask of the former. My father is going to London with Colonel Forster instantly, to try to discover her. What he means to do, I am sure I know not; but his excessive distress will not allow him to pursue any measure in the best and safest way, and Colonel Forster is obliged to be at Brighton again to- morrow evening. In such an exigence my uncle's advice and assistance would be every thing in the world; he will immediately comprehend what I must feel, and I rely upon his goodness. I can only rely on you, Lizzy, to determine what is best done regarding Mr. Darcy; I know this must be a blow to him, but if he has any advice or thoughts on how W. is to be found, I beg of you to send word to my father immediately. Elizabeth's distress on reading this was great, and she scarce knew what to say or how to look. Lydia and Wickham! She grieved for her lost sister, she feared for the well-being of her family - the humiliation, the misery, she was bringing on them all. Lydia was ruined, her entire life and future destroyed; she knew enough of Wickham not to doubt that he had never had any intention of marrying her sister. Mary and Kitty would be left in hardly better condition; no man would ever offer for them after this disgrace. She herself could only be horrified by the prospect of Darcy's response to this news. The mortification would be nigh unbearable, and such proof of the weakness of her family must make him regret their alliance; and how were they to explain what could not be hidden to Georgiana? This would crush her - she was only now beginning to recover from Wickham's predations; how would she survive watching Elizabeth's family ruined by the same man, and he still running free to continue to devastate innocent lives? Yet it was inevitable that she would have to know they could not hide the whole Bennet family from her forever. Darcy would not be able to protect his sister from this blow, nor could he himself be protected. She knew almost at once that she could not do it, could not wreak this level of destruction on two people whom she loved. With an excess of care she refolded the letters and quietly retreated to her room after informing a footman that she would like to see Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner immediately upon their return from Lambton. Once alone her tears began to flow both for Lydia and for herself, and it was some time before she could regain sufficient composure as to recall herself to what must be done. She went to the door, intending to seek out Mr. Darcy, but after a moment she realized that she could not face him, that if she had to see him, she 170

THE RULE OF REASON would lose her resolve. Going to the desk, she took out paper and pen and uncapped the inkwell. She struggled for a minute over the salutation, torn between intimacy and formality, and in the end decided to have none. Pray forgive my cowardice, sir, in writing you this rather than speaking directly. The news which I received today from Longbourn was not good. There is no easy way to say that which must be said: it appears that my youngest sister has eloped with none other than Mr. Wickham - they are now somewhere in London, and apparently Mr. Wickham expressed to a friend that he had no intention of marrying Lydia. You know him too well to doubt the rest. - It is obvious to me that an event of this magnitude will have many ramifications for the rest of my family, and I believe it is only prudent to consider what its effects might be on yours as well. As I cannot see any outcome, even the best, of this matter that would not cause substantial damage to you and more particularly to Georgiana given your connection to me, I think it appropriate to reconsider the arrangements we have made. - I recall that you at one point extracted from me a promise that I would not break our engagement, to which I agreed unless you should change your mind, but we had no way to foresee a crisis of this magnitude at that time. Had I not made such a promise, it would be clear what my action should be at this juncture; as it is, I can only offer to make this as simple as possible for you - I shall assume unless I should hear otherwise from you that you agree that wisdom must come ahead of wishes at this time. You may, of course, explain this to Georgiana in whatever way you see fit. -I will be speaking with Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner to arrange our removal from Pemberley as soon as possible. For my own sake, I ask that we not meet again before I depart. Tears overcame Elizabeth once more, and she had to pause for some time before she found the strength to continue. Please be assured that I regret this outcome more than I can possibly say, and that you will be ever in my thoughts and prayers. E. Bennet She pushed the missive away with shaking hands and buried her face in her handkerchief. She could not tell how long she sat weeping; at one point, a maid came to tell her that Mr. Darcy was looking for her, and she managed to express a wish that Mr. Darcy be informed that she was suffering from a headache and wished to rest. Finally, she reached a point of numbness where all she could do was await the arrival of her aunt and uncle, and hope that it would be soon enough that they could depart that very day. When a maid finally announced the Gardiners, Elizabeth took up the letter she had written and placed in it the ring Darcy had given her. Folding the 171

A bi ga il Rey nolds paper carefully around it, she instructed the maid to give it directly to Mr. Darcy. It is done, she thought. It is over. Mrs. Gardiner, seeing the evidence of tears on her niece's face, immediately put her arms around her, inquiring as to the cause of her distress. Unable to speak, Elizabeth directed their attention to Jane's letters, which they read with some alarm. Though Lydia had never been a favorite with them, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner could not but be deeply affected. Not Lydia only, but all were concerned in it; and after the first exclamations of surprise and horror, Mr. Gardiner readily promised every assistance in his power. Elizabeth, though expecting no less, thanked him with tears of gratitude while she wondered desperately how Darcy was reacting to her letter. She could only hope that it was with understanding and forgiveness rather than condemnation and relief at his narrow escape from disgrace. As they began to consider how to settle matters relating to their journey, Mrs. Gardiner asked, "What says Mr. Darcy to this?" She was somewhat surprised that he would leave Elizabeth to herself in a time of such distress, but could only assume that there must be some explanation. "I have informed him of our urgent need to depart," said Elizabeth, her voice showing a slight quaver. "I have no doubt that he understands the necessity." The Gardiners exchanged puzzled glances. There was clearly more here than they were being told, but they saw nothing to justify further inquiry. Mr. Gardiner began to opine that it would make the most sense to start the journey in the morning when they would all be fresh, when Darcy himself appeared in the doorway, his face pale and his lips tight, clearly in the grip of some powerful emotion. Without so much as acknowledging the presence of the Gardiners, he strode over to Elizabeth, who averted her eyes, unable to tolerate the sight of his pain and anger. He held up his hand, holding her letter, now crumpled into a ball, and said fiercely, "No. I do not release you, now or ever." He took her hand and somewhat roughly pushed the ring back on her finger. He took her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. "And this," he said, kissing her deliberately -- more in anger, it seemed, than in passion-- "is to ensure that, should you be tempted to break your word, your aunt and uncle will be aware that you are already too far compromised to do anything but marry me. Do I make myself clear, madam?" Elizabeth, too numb at this juncture to know whether she was more relieved or distressed by his uncompromising insistence, could only nod 172

THE RULE OF REASON dumbly. Darcy released a long breath, and some of the tension escaped from his body. "Now," he said, a little more mildly, and including the Gardiners in his address, "tell me what you know of this matter. What has been done, what has been attempted, to recover Lydia?" "Perhaps you would prefer to read for yourself," Mr. Gardiner said coolly, holding out Jane's letters. "And, Mr. Darcy..." he paused for a moment, "I do not believe that Lizzy is in a state to deal with your anger at present." Darcy halted in his attention to the letters, and turned his gaze toward Elizabeth. "No, perhaps not," he said more gently, taking her by the hand. She closed her eyes, desperately wanting his forgiveness and affection, and barely able to keep from sobbing. Darcy began reading once more, his expression indicating his displeasure with the contents of the second letter in particular. "Well," he said with distaste, "it is clear what must be done. I will travel to London in the morning and take care of the matter." Distraught, Elizabeth said, "Take care of the matter? How? Nothing can be done; I know very well that nothing can be done. How is such a man to be worked on? How are they even to be discovered? I have not the smallest hope. It is every way horrible!" "Elizabeth, there is nothing easier in the world than working on Wickham - all it takes is money. If I know Wickham, he will not be hiding so much as waiting to be discovered so that he can make his demands. You know that I have dealt with him before, and I can do so again." She looked at him with eyes filled with pain. "I cannot ask it of you you cannot take on the mortification of this; it is a matter for my family." Mr. Gardiner broke in at this point. "Lizzy, your concern for Mr. Darcy is admirable, but I must point out that we are not in a position to turn away any assistance in this matter. Mr. Darcy, if you have information that may be helpful in locating him, I myself would be most appreciative of your sharing it." Elizabeth took a deep breath, trying to bring herself to some sort of composure that would permit her to participate reasonably in this discussion. "Uncle, there are connections between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham of which you are unaware, and this has nothing to do with him." "This has everything to do with me, Elizabeth!" he exclaimed irritably. "Why do you suppose this happened? Wickham must have heard of our engagement - this is just what he tried last summer, but now he is trying to strike at me through you. Your sister has nothing to offer him; she is but a pawn 173

A bi ga il Rey nolds in this game, and he is after either money, or revenge, or most likely both. And if you break off our engagement, you will be giving him exactly what he wants the ability to take away from me that which is most dear!" She stared at him in horror - she had not thought so ill, even of Wickham, as to think that his hatred would extend so far. Darcy, misinterpreting the look on her face, said with bitter regret, "You cannot know how sorry I am to have brought this upon you; I hope that someday you will be able to forgive me." "You have done nothing to cause this," she said fiercely, astonished that he could think that she blamed him for these events. "You are not responsible for Wickham's behaviour, nor for Lydia's, and I will not have you fault yourself for it!" Her unexpected defense of him was the first positive indication that she cared for him still that Darcy had seen since reading her note, and he took her into his arms gratefully, heedless of the presence of her aunt and uncle. Mr. Gardiner cleared his throat. "I am beginning to feel like an actor who is onstage without having read the script. There is clearly more to this story than I know, and I wonder if there is not someplace more appropriate than Lizzy's bedchamber to be having this discussion." "You are correct, sir, it is time that we pool our knowledge. Perhaps we could discuss this further in my study; it is a conversation I would prefer to have behind closed doors, for reasons which will become clear," said Darcy, his ability to negotiate returning as his anxiety over Elizabeth's reaction lessened.. Elizabeth herself was feeling such relief that she found it difficult to focus on the question of Lydia at all for the moment; all she wanted was to stay in Darcy's arms forever. Even she could feel the stalemate after a moment, though; neither she nor Darcy wanted to move from their embrace, and Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner had no intention of leaving Darcy alone with her in her bedchamber for even a minute. Reluctantly, she moved away from him. "I will join you shortly," she said. Darcy, who was not at all ready to let her out of his sight, looked at her with concern. She smiled wanly at him, and said reassuringly, "I require a moment to make myself presentable, sir; that is all." His countenance cleared somewhat. "I will expect you in five minutes, no more," he said, his tone clearly communicating to her his need to have her by his side. 174

THE RULE OF REASON Mrs. Gardiner shooed her husband along with Darcy. "I will stay with Lizzy; you go ahead and talk about whatever it is that men talk about," she said. Once they had left, she turned to Elizabeth. "Lizzy, my dear, that looked quite worrisome. You look very ill." she said with obvious concern. Elizabeth poured water from the ewer into a basin and began to rinse her eyes. "I am well enough, aunt. I am afraid that when Mr. Darcy and I disagree, we tend to do so with a certain ferocity that cannot be pleasant to observe, and both of us have been known to say some quite hurtful things in the heat of the moment. Fortunately, we are also both quite forgiving of the other." "I do not understand. I take it that you told him that you wanted to end the engagement - that suggests more than a mere disagreement, Lizzy, and he was very angry," Mrs. Gardiner said gently. Elizabeth sighed. "It was because of Lydia; I did not want to taint him with the disgrace we face." "Oh, Lizzy. And he is so attached to you - I cannot say that I think that was wisely done, my dear." "I do not want his reputation to suffer because of me!" "And you do not trust him sufficiently to talk to him about your fears." Her aunt's insightful comment cut closer than Elizabeth cared to consider at the moment. She dried her face, and said, "I did promise to be down in five minutes, and I suspect that I had best be prompt. Shall we join the gentlemen, then?" "If you are ready, we certainly may," answered Mrs. Gardiner. She had noted her niece's discomfort, and hoped that she would think further on what she had said.

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A bi ga il Rey nolds

Chapter 11

Darcy and Mr. Gardiner were already ensconced in the study when the ladies arrived. Darcy opened the discussion by detailing his connection with Wickham, including the events of Ramsgate. Although Elizabeth had already given them to understand that Wickham was not to be trusted, the extent of his dissipation came as a surprise to Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner. "I have some connections still which may assist me in locating Wickham," Darcy said. "Once I reach London, I will begin to explore the possibilities. Obviously, I will need to consult with Mr. Bennet - where would I be most likely to find him?" "I do not doubt that he is staying at our house on Gracechurch Street," said Mr. Gardiner, "and I am inclined to think that I should accompany you, as I am familiar with London in a way that Mr. Bennet is not, and possibly more able to negotiate with Mr. Wickham." Darcy shook his head decisively. "I shall handle the dealings with Wickham," he said. "Your assistance, however, in working with Mr. Bennet might be very helpful; he has felt little reason to trust me in the past, and I doubt that these events will have improved the situation." "Would it be possible, then, for Mrs. Gardiner and me to proceed directly to Longbourn? Jane, I believe, must be in need of our support with my mother," said Elizabeth.

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THE RULE OF REASON Darcy turned an enigmatic gaze on her. "I would prefer to have you in London, Elizabeth." "In London? I cannot see what that would accomplish," she replied. "I may need your assistance in handling Lydia; I doubt that she would be inclined to listen to me," he said. "And I would appreciate your presence. Jane is not without resources; Bingley is there with her." Elizabeth's concern about Jane did not abate, but as she opened her mouth to object once more, she saw the beseeching look in Darcy's eyes. Thinking of her aunt's earlier words about trusting him, she agreed to the plan with uncharacteristic meekness. Plans were soon set; Darcy offered to send servants with Mrs. Gardiner to Longbourn, while Mr. Gardiner and Elizabeth would travel in Darcy's carriage. As the conversation drew to a close, Darcy felt himself becoming unaccountably nervous, not so much regarding the trip to London, but rather about the inevitable tête-à-tête with Elizabeth. His initial anger with her had dissipated, but he feared what her response would be to his harsh words, and his own sense of injury that she would have even contemplated that he would wish to end their engagement was vivid. Did she still have so little idea of what she meant to him? Did he mean so little to her? He knew that he could not expect reassurance from her given her own level of distress over her sister, yet it would be difficult, if not impossible, for him to disguise his own feelings. Mrs. Gardiner was not unaware of the tension between the two, and at the earliest opportunity, she extracted her husband from the room, leaving Darcy and Elizabeth alone. Mr. Gardiner departed only after a hard look at Darcy which carried a distinct warning of how he would view any further behaviour that distressed his niece. Silence fell between the two. Elizabeth fixed her eyes on her folded hands as if seeking to deny any involvement in this unhappy affair; Darcy's dark gaze was on her, the pain he felt evident in his look, but also mingled with sympathy. He could recognize her silence and averted eyes from past times when she had felt ashamed of her behaviour toward him. "Elizabeth," he attempted, "I should not have said what I did earlier, at least not in the way I did. My disposition is such that when I lose my equanimity I am prone to speaking before I think; I have tried, with some success, to moderate this, or at least to prevent it from happening in the first place. I apologize that I was unable to do so today." 177

A bi ga il Rey nolds She looked up at him tentatively, relieved that he did not seem inclined to berate her. "I did not intend to anger you," she said, wishing that she could say more, but unsure how even to begin. "Do you regret my refusal to release you from your promise?" he said abruptly. He had not meant to ask it, and certainly not so harshly, but the words came out despite his intent. "No," she responded in a heartfelt manner to his great relief. "My action represented my concern for you, not a lack of feeling. Please do not think that it signifies any second thoughts on my part." "What am I to think, given that the moment we run across an obstacle, your first reaction is to sever all contact between us? How should I feel, knowing that you believe that I feel so little for you that I would be prefer never to see you again rather than to tolerate someone I dislike?" His voice reflected the depth of his frustration and pain. "My desire to marry you is not a whim of the moment, Elizabeth." "I never thought that it was," she said, once again near tears. Darcy cursed himself for upsetting her again. He knelt next to her chair and took her hand in his. "Elizabeth, my dearest love, please believe me when I tell you that there is nothing more important in the world to me than you, and your love is my most valued treasure. I would not give you up for anything." Her eyes, luminous with unshed tears, met his, and she put her arms around him. "I will try to trust in that more," she whispered into his shoulder. He picked her up and settled her on his lap, where she relaxed into the comfort of his arms with the relief of the resolution of their disagreement predominant in her mind. She felt exhausted by the emotions of the last hours their closeness on their walk, the shock of Jane's letters, her distress over their future, his anger, and her aunt's criticism all combined to leave her feeling as if she had been buffeted in the wind. He said softly in her ear, "Do you know how much you frighten me when you withdraw from me? I need you beside me, Elizabeth; I need your affection and warmth." She looked up at him. "It frightens me, too," she said quietly, her face speaking the truth of her statement. He captured her lips with his in a kiss that spoke more of a need for reassurance than of passion, a need that it met for both of them as they sought to erase their pain and fear in one another's arms. "I do love you, William," she 178

THE RULE OF REASON said, stroking his tousled hair, when he released her. "On that you may depend." "Elizabeth, my dearest, you cannot know what that means to me," he responded. "Thank you for agreeing to come to London." "I am not certain why I agreed, apart from being able to discern that you wanted me to be there." "And is that not reason enough?" he teased. "My reasons for wanting you there are mostly selfish, my love. Dealing with Wickham will be painful and unpleasant, and being able to spend time with you will ease that, and also - well, it is not reasonable, I know, but I would worry if you were as far away as Longbourn. It will be hard enough having you in a different part of the city after this week together." "Why would you worry?" "I said it was not reasonable, did I not? I would worry about losing you somehow, and I must warn you that I am likely to become irritatingly protective of you now that Wickham has tried to hurt me through you." She stroked his cheek lightly. "William," she said hesitantly, "why does he dislike you so?" Darcy sighed and pulled her close to him. "I suppose that is a fair question, given that you are now involved in the matter, although I cannot say that I enjoy speaking of it. It is not simple to explain, either. We were friends as boys, as you know, and I do not think that he ever forgave me for growing up. When we were young, we tended to a certain degree of wildness; we did what we pleased and were always into one mad scrape or another, and we usually could avoid any consequences, he, because he could charm his way out, and I because of my name. But at a certain point I began to realize that I had responsibilities, ones that did not include playing pranks on the unsuspecting, and I began to try to control my impulses more. It was about this time that I was sent off to school, which was the first time he seemed to feel the difference in our stations, and I believe that he was quite angry to recognize that I had prospects that he did not, and that I was leaving him behind. When I returned after my one year at school, I had become much more serious, and my mother's illness only added to that. He would have grand ideas for adventures for us, and I would choose to sit with my mother instead; this angered him as well. He seemed to set himself to excel wherever I did not, and strove to be everyone's favorite. He was charming and amiable where I was the proverbial dull boy; he could make my father believe anything, usually to my detriment, but when all 179

A bi ga il Rey nolds was said and done, I was still heir to Pemberley, and he was merely to have the living at Kympton, and be thankful for that." He paused, raking his hand through his hair. "It is not as if he is my nemesis, or even particularly evil, you understand. He is feckless, impulsive, and an opportunist par extraordinaire, and he can improvise on any situation at a moment's notice. I do not believe that he spends his time devising ways to hurt me, but he cannot resist sticking in the knife whenever an opportunity presents itself. You saw him in action in Meryton; it was purely coincidence that our paths crossed there, and it profited him nothing to malign my name, but he could not resist the opportunity. It was only my ill fortune that he happened to pour his venom into the ear of someone whose good opinion I desired; I have no doubt that his satisfaction was merely to have everyone dislike me and admire him. Georgiana was an opportunity for quick money for him more than anything else; had he succeeded, he would have enjoyed watching how much I hated what he had done, and I am sure he would have derived great pleasure from forcing me to treat him as an equal if he married my sister, but his primary motivation was her dowry. He has always loved money and profligacy. I doubt that he made a great plan to inveigle Lydia into eloping with him; I suspect that he merely saw the opportunity and could not resist it." As he spoke, Elizabeth could hear the pain of betrayal behind all of his carefully reasoned words, and suspected that Wickham was not the only one haunted by the ghosts of that early friendship. She stroked his cheek gently. Impulsively, she said, "Thank you for loving me enough to allow me a second chance." "How could I not love you? I tried not to love you, but it was not to be; I have been yours for a very long time, my love. Even had you refused to have anything more to do with me in Hertfordshire, I could never have stopped loving you." She could think of no answer for this but a lingering kiss, which she broke off abruptly as a thought came to her. "What are we going to tell Georgiana?" she asked with dismay. Darcy frowned. "I shall tell her that I have to go to London on business, and that you are accompanying me, I suppose." "She will have to know the truth sooner or later," Elizabeth said hesitantly. "She dislikes being treated as a child; perhaps we should trust her in this." 180

THE RULE OF REASON His first thought was to contradict her, but then he thought better of it, recalling that one of his hopes for Elizabeth was that she would understand Georgiana more readily than he did. Still, it went against the grain not to protect his sister from unpleasantness, particularly when it touched so closely on her. Finally, he asked slowly, "Do you think that would be best?" "I believe so, but you know her better than I." "Your instincts with her are better," he replied, thinking how little he wished to raise the subject of Wickham with his sister. "Would it be cowardly to ask you to tell her? She will likely be more open with her feelings to you." "If you wish," she said. "Perhaps I should talk to her now, so that she has some time to take it in before we leave." Darcy was less than happy with the idea of allowing Elizabeth to leave. He felt that she had not yet recovered herself from the shocks of the day; he wished that she would smile, or show him that sparkle in her eyes, so that he could feel secure of her state. Perhaps it was too much to ask, though. "I suppose that makes sense," he said, kissing her forehead, "much though I would prefer to keep you here in my arms." "Sooner or later someone is bound to walk in," she replied practically. "We have been fortunate thus far." "I bow reluctantly to your wisdom," he said, releasing her. As she headed past the door, he added, "And, Elizabeth..." "Yes?" "Do not try to end the engagement again, even should you be convicted of murder and awaiting hanging in Newgate Prison. I do not want to hear ever again that you are worried about damaging my reputation in some way." She smiled in amusement. "I shall keep that in mind, William, though at present I can assure you that I have no particular plans to murder anyone." Georgiana took the news as well as could be expected. There were some tears, and a little of the stiff Darcy pride that Elizabeth knew hid feelings too painful to expose to the world. When Georgiana requested some time to herself to consider the matter, Elizabeth encouraged her in finding her own strength, and honoured her request. She considered hiding in her room again herself, but realized that brooding would not be helpful at this stage; she needed to save her strength for the days ahead. With a sigh, she collected her embroidery and returned to the study. Darcy was only too happy to have her companionship and, after asking 181

A bi ga il Rey nolds after his sister, returned to the papers he was obligated to complete before their departure on the morrow. Elizabeth was content to sit quietly as she worked, but eventually thoughts of Lydia began to intrude despite her best efforts to discourage them. She had grave fears for her sister's future - even if Wickham could somehow be brought to marry her, what sort of future could she have, as a wife to such a wastrel? Lydia had learned not to consider the consequences when choosing her pleasures, and now the consequences would be dreadful indeed, not only for herself but for her entire family. How could Lydia have been so heedless as to behave in such a brazen manner? Yet how could Elizabeth condemn her completely when she herself had permitted liberties so far beyond the proprieties herself, when she herself had behaved in a shameless manner when confronted by temptation? She was equally at fault, only more fortunate in the outcome; she had taken the similar risks to her own reputation and that of her family each time she had allowed Darcy to touch her. A sense of shame began to gnaw its way through her. She stared blindly at her embroidery. No better than Lydia, she thought, the words burning her like acid. She could not even bring herself to look in Darcy's direction. Feeling the need to escape, she stood suddenly, drawing his attention. "Please excuse me," she said. "There is something I must fetch." Darcy was puzzled. "Elizabeth, wait, please," he said, noticing the lines of stress in her face, and wondering if she could be trying to run away again. "Something is troubling you, I can tell. Will you not tell me about it, my love?" Elizabeth knew that she was caught, and it gave her a moment of panic. "It is nothing that requires attention," she said anxiously. He sat back, looking at her unhappily, wishing he knew how to convince her to confide in him. "Can you trust me enough to let me be the judge of that?" he said as gently as he could manage. And you do not trust him sufficiently to talk to him about your fears. Her aunt's words came back to her, and she paused in indecision. He would want her to tell him, she knew, but she was far from wishing to share these thoughts. She certainly did not want to draw his attention to the similarities between herself and Lydia - she could imagine the expression of distaste he would have on his face. Yet, if she could not have faith in him not to reject her, perhaps it was best to discover it now. With a sense of fear looming, she said halfunwillingly, "I was seeking privacy, sir, because I have been reviewing my own behaviour in light of these events and finding it wanting." 182

THE RULE OF REASON Her distant form of address worried him. "What behaviour do you have in mind? I can think of none that has been wanting in any way." "I see little difference in Lydia's heedless behaviour and my own..." she paused, her face pale, "my own shameless conduct of recent weeks. It is not a comfortable conclusion." He rose and came to her, taking her hands in his. "It is a very questionable conclusion, in my opinion. How can you compare the two? Your sister's reckless decision to elope rather than to approach your parents about marriage, and with a man she barely knew - how does that balance against allowing a few liberties to a man who has already declared his intentions, whom you had known for some time, and to whom your family had social connections? I cannot imagine that if I had asked you to elope in the first days of our acquaintance, you would have done anything but laugh at me! Would you have permitted my kisses if you did not know my intentions?" His earnestness was apparent. "No," she said with a small smile. "You are correct, I would not have done so. But I did risk both my reputation and that of my family, as we saw in Hertfordshire." "If we are to impose blame for that behaviour, I believe that I deserve more than an equal share! All the same, you knew that the risk was not serious, that if there were any compromise, I would marry you, and you knew that my credentials as a potential son-in-law were good. We may have been imprudent, my love, but hardly reckless - hardly the equivalent of what Lydia and Wickham have done. Our situation was unusual, after all - that you had refused me but were still allowing me to court you - and the usual rules for pre-engagement behaviour are difficult to apply in such a circumstance. You could hardly pretend to be unaware of my interest in you!" He looked at her challengingly. "Perhaps I did assume too far," she allowed. "You are very good to me, William." "Just because you are soon to become a Darcy does not mean that you need to challenge us in the art of jumping to conclusions, my love," he said teasingly. As his comment finally drew a natural smile from her, he embraced her gently. "Besides, I do not believe that I ever touched you just for my amusement; I did so when the alternative seemed to be leading me down the road to Bedlam." Elizabeth gave him a sidelong look. "I hardly think you were at that grave a risk," she said. 183

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Do not think to test that theory now, madam," he replied lightly. "My need for your kisses still borders on the desperate." She smiled as he leaned down to capture her mouth in an affectionate kiss. It came as a surprise to all concerned when Georgiana made the determined announcement at dinner that she intended to accompany them to London. Darcy, making a valiant effort at not refusing out of hand, glanced over at Elizabeth, who nodded slightly. Finally he said, "If that is what you wish, then, I see no reason to refuse. I must warn you, though, that this trip will be strictly business - there will be no time for outings or other pleasures." Georgiana acknowledged the point, but insisted on following her plans. Later, when she was able to speak to Elizabeth privately, she thanked her for her support. "I know that William would have never agreed to it on his own, and I do want to go. It is not that I think that there is anything I can do to help, but I do not want to spend the rest of my life trying to avoid whatever part of the country he might be in. This seems as good a time as any to face my fears." Elizabeth embraced her. "I am glad that you have the courage to face it now. That is the first step to healing." "I cannot help but think that it could have been me, but for the chance of William's arrival," she said softly. "I was such a fool. You would never have been taken in so, Elizabeth." "I beg to differ, I spent a good deal of time in Mr. Wickham's company, and I was quite taken with his amiability and manners. I even believed lies that he told me about your brother," Elizabeth said ruefully. "I find that hard to believe!" Georgiana exclaimed, then, realizing what she had said, timidly retreated, saying, "I do not mean to doubt your word, Elizabeth; it is only that it surprises me." Elizabeth shook her head. "It seems we are all vulnerable to having our hearts lead us astray from what is right," she said, thinking of the principles she had violated in her behaviour with Darcy. "Some of us more than others," said Georgiana wistfully. They set out early the next morning in the elegant Darcy travelling carriage, quite possibly the most comfortable conveyance in which Elizabeth had ever ridden, and certainly the fastest. Conversation was somewhat stilted for quite some time, as the subject which preoccupied three of the travelers -- the 184

THE RULE OF REASON plans for London and ideas for how to discover Wickham and Lydia -- were unsuitable for the fourth. Georgiana, acutely aware of the fact that her presence was inhibiting the others, became even more reticent than usual. They traveled as expeditiously as possible; and after sleeping one night on the road, reached Gracechurch Street the following evening. Elizabeth exited the carriage with relief after the long ride. Darcy joined her, as he hoped to speak with Mr. Bennet regarding his plans. Mr. Bennet looked years older than he had when they had left Longbourn. Elizabeth, concerned by her father's appearance, moved to embrace him. "Lizzy, I am not sure why you are here, but I am glad to see you," said Mr. Bennet. A quick exchange of words established that there had been no progress in the matter of discovering Wickham and Lydia. "Mr. Bennet, may I have a word with you?" asked Darcy formally. "My sister is waiting in the carriage, and I would like to take her home as soon as possible." Mr. Bennet, curious, ushered him into the sitting room. "Well, Mr. Darcy, if I am surprised to see my daughter tonight, I am quite baffled as to what brings you here," he said. He would have thought that under the circumstances, Darcy would be keeping the greatest possible distance from the Bennet family, and had in fact had moments of concern over Elizabeth's engagement to him. Darcy wasted no time. "Mr. Bennet, it is late, and I have much to discuss with you. If it is agreeable to you, I would like to call on you tomorrow morning to discuss the current situation. I have some ideas as to how I may be able to locate your daughter Lydia, but I would like first to become current on all the information you may have regarding her elopement and Wickham's situation. We need to discuss as well the arrangements you will authorize me to make for her once I have settled matters with Wickham." Mr. Bennet was exhausted from long days and nights of anxiety and self-recrimination, and was coming to a point of despair on the matter. Darcy's brash assumptions irritated him, and his ability to disguise his feelings was rapidly slipping. "So, Mr. Darcy, you propose to walk in, find Wickham and Lydia, make all the arrangements and solve all the problems. Do I have that correctly, or have I missed some points on your agenda?" I should have asked Mr. Gardiner to join us, thought Darcy as his anger rose. I should have known that we would be at odds in a matter of minutes.. Struggling to keep his ire in check, he said in a cold tone, "You have it correctly. 185

A bi ga il Rey nolds I had thought you would prefer to be consulted; if that is not the case, it will be simpler all around for me to proceed unilaterally on this matter." "You are very confident of yourself, Mr. Darcy." Mr. Bennet's manner matched Darcy's for coolness. Darcy knew that his ability to control his anger was reaching its limits. "I am confident that I stand the best chance of discovering Wickham and bringing matters to a satisfactory conclusion. Perhaps your daughter or Mr. Gardiner can apprise you of my plans in a manner that interests you more. I shall be in contact when I have information for you, then. Good evening, Mr. Bennet." He swept out of the room. Finding Elizabeth without, hoping for an opportunity to bid him farewell, he took her by both hands. "My love, you will have to teach me patience," he said regretfully. "I fear that your father could make a saint curse, and I am no saint." "Why, what is the matter?" she asked with concern, unable to see any grounds for a disagreement. "He is not interested in my assistance. It seems that he thinks that I am brash and overconfident." Elizabeth touched his cheek. "Oh, William. I am so sorry." Darcy sighed. "It is of no matter. I will proceed on my investigations, and perhaps he will find results more convincing than words. In any event, I hope to be able to call tomorrow, but if I am unable to, I will send word." "I will be thinking of you," she said softly, conscious of how much she would miss him, after becoming accustomed to spending much of her days with him. He raised her hands to his lips. "My dearest love, you will be in my thoughts every moment." Their eyes locked, speaking volumes, until Darcy saw a movement out of the corner of his eye. Mr. Bennet stood in the doorway. "I have spoken with my brother Gardiner, and he suggests that I may have been overhasty in spurning your assistance, Mr. Darcy," he said in a voice which bespoke his dislike of the situation. Elizabeth looked up at Darcy anxiously, hoping he would accept this overture. He tightened his grip on her hand briefly, then said levelly, "If there is assistance I can offer, it is yours." "Perhaps, as you suggested, we could meet tomorrow to share what we know." 186

THE RULE OF REASON Darcy bowed. "I shall be here, sir." He turned to Elizabeth, and said, "Until tomorrow, then." He dearly wished to be back at Pemberley, where he could speak to her more freely. Her gratitude for his patience showed in her eyes. "Good night, William," she said softly. He took his leave, and Elizabeth turned to her father. "You look very tired. I am sorry for what you must have endured here," she said sympathetically. He grimaced. "Say nothing of that. Who should suffer but myself? It has been my own doing, and I ought to feel it." "You must not be too severe upon yourself," replied Elizabeth. "You may well warn me against such an evil. Human nature is so prone to fall into it! No, Lizzy, let me once in my life feel how much I have been to blame. I am not afraid of being overpowered by the impression. It will pass away soon enough." "You at least need not be alone in this any longer," she said. His mouth quirked in a smile. "I confess I am glad to have you here, Lizzy, even if you did bring yon young pup with you." He motioned with his head toward the door. Elizabeth, who had been growing to prefer Darcy's sense of playfulness to her father's sardonic humour, sighed with exasperation. Darcy was grateful when the carriage finally pulled up in front of his townhouse. After helping Georgiana out, he strode into the house, where he was met by a flustered Philips. "Mr. Darcy!" he exclaimed. "We were not expecting you, sir." "I apologize for failing to send notice, Philips; we left Pemberley rather unexpectedly," said Darcy, handing over his hat and coat. "I will have your rooms prepared immediately, sir. Would you like some refreshment?" "Yes, if Cook could put something together, I am sure we would all appreciate it." "Right away, sir. And, Mr. Darcy, I should mention that Colonel Fitzwilliam has been staying here; I hope that is not a problem, sir." "Not in the least," said Darcy, wondering what would have brought his cousin to town again so shortly after his last visit, as the gentleman himself appeared in the hallway to check on the commotion. 187

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Darcy!" Colonel Fitzwilliam exclaimed. "What brings you here?" He kissed Georgiana's cheek warmly. "A matter of business," said Darcy briefly. "And dare I ask how the lovely Miss Bennet is?" Colonel Fitzwilliam asked with a knowing smile. Darcy slapped his gloves against his cousin's arm. "Lovelier than ever, and not long to bear the name of Bennet," he said good-humouredly. The colonel raised his eyebrows. "That was quick work, Darcy. I take it the difficulties were overrated?" "Not at all," Darcy responded with a satisfied smile. "I was merely very convincing." "Is that so? Do I take it then that pistols at dawn are off?" Darcy looked pleased. "Yes; I have decided to wait until you challenge me instead - then I can choose rapiers and spoil your pretty looks for you, cousin. Now, may I sit down in my own house, or are you planning an inquisition before you let us past the door?" Colonel Fitzwilliam bowed elaborately and gestured them past him. Georgiana, after the long ride, wanted nothing so much as the opportunity to refresh herself, and proceeded to her rooms, while the gentlemen retired to the sitting room. Once they were settled, Darcy asked, "So, what are you doing here, Fitzwilliam?" "Apart from drinking your port? Well, you know that I went back up to Newcastle, and no sooner had I arrived than his lordship sent me straight back here to indulge the Major General again, and then we repeated the whole cycle one more time, after which I told his Lordship that I thought it would be far more efficient for me to remain in London while he sent me instructions by post, rather than keeping the instructions in Newcastle and sending me back and forth by post. So, since you were away, and planning to shoot me at dawn as well, I imposed upon my dear brother and stayed with him for two days, after which I thought it unlikely that I would survive long enough for you to shoot me, so I decamped and threw myself on the mercy of Philips, who took pity upon me and took me in. He has not allowed me to drink too much of your port, though, more's the pity." "Fitzwilliam, you are welcome to every last drop of my port, and the rest of the wine cellar as well," Darcy said meaningfully.

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THE RULE OF REASON Colonel Fitzwilliam inclined his head. "Always happy to be of service. Now, what is this business that brings you posthaste to London and away from your lovely fiancée?" Darcy grimaced. "Well, fortunately for my sanity, Elizabeth is only as far as Cheapside, but less fortunately, I have another problem with George Wickham." "Wickham? That blackguard - what has he done now? If he has so much as looked at Georgiana...." The colonel's mien was threatening. "No, this has nothing to do with her. He is trying the same trick again, though, but this time he has run off with Elizabeth's youngest sister. They are hiding here in town somewhere." Darcy drained his glass. "I need to find him and make him marry her." "Is that all? No dragons to slay?" "Believe me, Fitzwilliam, I would rather go up against a dragon any day. But, as it happens, it is Wickham, not a dragon, that is upsetting Elizabeth, so I go after Wickham." "How difficult do you think it will be?" "It will be very expensive. I doubt it will be difficult. Wickham has always known how to state his price," said Darcy sardonically. "I take it he knows of your engagement." "It appears so. I cannot imagine any other reason he would be interested in Lydia; the Bennets have no money, and she is hardly a prize in other ways. No, he is after me, I have no doubts." Colonel Fitzwilliam helped himself to another glass of port. "Well, then, what do we do first?" "We?" "Of course. You cannot think I intend to let you have all the excitement of dealing with Wickham yourself, do you? I still have a few things to say to him about the matter of Georgiana." Colonel Fitzwilliam had no intention of letting Wickham take advantage of Darcy as he had in the past; the man was too skilled at playing on Darcy's feelings. "He is not worth pistols at dawn, Fitzwilliam," said Darcy. "Obviously not, and even if he were, I would never challenge him, since he would be certain to find some way to cheat." Darcy laughed. "I appreciate the offer, but I believe that I will be able to manage him myself." 189

A bi ga il Rey nolds "I think it is only fair to warn you that I intend to be stubborn about this," Colonel Fitzwilliam said amiably. "And to think that I once believed that I had some measure of control over my life! Well, I am not about to face you over a bottle of port again, so if it matters so much to you, you are welcome to join me - perhaps you can keep me from violence." "Darcy!" he said with surprise. "You are becoming surprisingly reasonable. If this is the effect of Miss Bennet, I must say that she will be a fine addition to the family." "She has taught me a few hard lessons," said Darcy, "but she is worth every one of them." The meeting with Mr. Bennet the next morning started on a harmonious note, in part because the main participants had each resolved to make an effort to restrain their tempers, and in part because the presence of Mr. Gardiner and Colonel Fitzwilliam diffused the tension. Darcy had also managed to steal a few minutes to talk to Elizabeth beforehand, which relieved his distress over her absence while at the same time frustrating him with the limitations on their contact and conversation in this new setting. Mr. Bennet revealed as much of the history of the elopement as was known to him, as well as the efforts which had been made to discover Wickham and Lydia, before asking Darcy for his ideas on how they could be located. After Darcy had detailed the connections whom he planned to contact in an effort to find Wickham, Colonel Fitzwilliam presented the question of import to him. "Mr. Bennet, is it certain that Wickham was aware of your daughter's engagement to Mr. Darcy?" Mr. Bennet, who, like Elizabeth, had not particularly considered this connection until it was mentioned, had to reflect on this for a moment before saying, "Lydia certainly knew of it; we had received a letter - a note, really earlier from her mentioning it." He decided that it would be impolitic to mention that Lydia had been making sport of it at the time. "So we must assume that Wickham knows as well," said Colonel Fitzwilliam. "The question then arises as to his motivation, which I believe that we should address before anyone actually speaks with him." "His motivation?" asked Mr. Bennet skeptically, having not considered any possibility beyond that which any scoundrel would see in an available young woman. 190

THE RULE OF REASON "Yes - I would like to know better whether he is looking for money or revenge," the colonel said. "It would affect our negotiating position." "His primary motivation is always money," said Darcy tiredly. "Revenge is usually incidental, although it may have a higher priority this time, as I gather he was rather attached to Elizabeth at one time. He would not take kindly to her choosing me over him." Mr. Bennet raised an eyebrow. The idea had not crossed his mind that Wickham's prior relationship with Darcy was involved, and it cast somewhat of a new light on Darcy's interest in the matter. Colonel Fitzwilliam drummed his fingers. "Darcy, what will the effect of this affair be on your marriage plans?" Darcy, displeased by the implication of his cousin's words, especially in front of Mr. Bennet, said shortly, "None whatsoever, as I believe you know." "You mentioned last night that your wedding would have to be delayed until this situation was resolved." "I would think so," interjected Mr. Bennet. "We have already postponed Jane's wedding." "So," the colonel said thoughtfully, "Wickham essentially has the power to delay your wedding indefinitely if he refuses to negotiate. We have a potential stalemate on our hands." At his words, Darcy dropped his head into his hands. This was not a possibility he had considered, but it was well within the range of Wickham's fertile imagination. The despondency he felt at the idea of having to wait raised an absolute sense of fury with Wickham. He pushed the feelings away. "That raises his price from expensive to exorbitant. So be it," he said, his voice carefully neutral. Mr. Bennet looked closely at Darcy. It was beginning to come clear to him that Darcy had greater depths than he had initially thought. "There would seem to be one other possibility," said Mr. Gardiner slowly. "And what would that be?" Darcy asked, unable to hide his sense of hopelessness as well as he might have wished. "You could marry Lizzy immediately. That would obviate the hold he has, I would think," Mr. Gardiner said. "Now that idea has possibilities!" said Colonel Fitzwilliam, sounding pleased. "Darcy, what think you of it?" Darcy's face became a closed mask. "It is a possibility, I suppose." 191

A bi ga il Rey nolds His apparent disinterest in the idea raised fears in Mr. Bennet as to the true effect of Lydia's behaviour on Darcy's intentions. "You have some objection to the idea, Mr. Darcy?" he said silkily. If Darcy were to do anything to hurt Elizabeth, Mr. Bennet was not going to be answerable for his behaviour. Colonel Fitzwilliam's laugh rang out, breaking the tension of the moment. "You clearly do not know my cousin well, sir. That is the look which says that he is fighting overwhelming temptation. I strongly suspect that he would like nothing better than to marry your daughter immediately." Darcy gave him a hostile stare, but did not argue the point. The corners of Mr. Bennet's mouth began to twitch. Perhaps Darcy had some potential for amusement after all. "Well," he said mildly, "perhaps it will not be necessary. We can always reconsider the idea as the need arises." "I would disagree," said Colonel Fitzwilliam. "Unless we were to act upon it immediately, I think we should put the idea aside completely. It would not be a good idea to let Wickham see that he has that level of impact on Darcy's behaviour." "And would he not know that if we rushed them to the altar now?" asked Mr. Gardiner. 'No, not necessarily. Marriage on the spur of the moment is the sort of thing that would not surprise anyone who knew Darcy well, and Wickham is certainly well acquainted with his impulsive side." At Colonel Fitzwilliam's words, Mr. Bennet and Mr. Gardiner exchanged glances; 'impulsive' and 'Darcy' were not concepts that either tended to associate together. Darcy rolled his eyes. "Fitzwilliam, about the port and the pistols at dawn - I take it all back," he said in a quietly dangerous voice, earning a broad smile from his cousin. "Well, perhaps I should inquire, then, as to what your objections are to the idea of immediate marriage, Mr. Darcy," said Mr. Gardiner. Darcy looked up toward the ceiling. "I do not believe that it is the sort of wedding that Elizabeth has in mind, sir." "Is that your only objection?" Darcy considered the matter. "Yes," he said briefly. Mr. Bennet drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair, watching Darcy closely. He had no particular desire to marry Elizabeth off quickly; he was dreading her eventual departure from Longbourn quite enough as it was, and he certainly was not in a hurry to bring Darcy into the family. To his mind, Darcy had been nothing but trouble since he first appeared at the Meryton assembly. 192

THE RULE OF REASON Still, he had given his consent - not that there had been another alternative - and the marriage had to take place sooner or later. "Well, Mr. Darcy," he said abruptly, "I certainly appreciate your sensitivity to Lizzy's wishes. However, I must point out that I have three daughters who are affected by this matter, and if marrying Lizzy off immediately improves the chances for Jane's wedding to take place and Lydia's situation to be resolved, I am afraid that Lizzy will have to accept the situation." Steepling his fingers, Darcy looked at Mr. Bennet for a moment. "I will not overrule Elizabeth's wishes in this regard," he said in an uncompromising voice. "I will," said Mr. Bennet, matching tone for tone. "And I will remind you that until such a time as she actually marries you, mine is the voice she must heed. But perhaps we should speak with Lizzy; she may well be perfectly amenable to the plan if we explain the reasoning." "I will speak with Elizabeth," Darcy said firmly. He could imagine her reaction to hearing that they had been determining plans for her; at least he could present it to her as a choice from his point of view. If her father chose to insist after that, Elizabeth could hardly blame him for that. "As you wish," said Mr. Bennet, who was now convinced that Darcy would be providing him excellent entertainment for years to come. Darcy eventually discovered Elizabeth in the breakfast room, where she was taking advantage of the excellent light to complete some fine work on her embroidery. She was also endeavoring to practice patience; she was feeling her exclusion from the discussion among the gentlemen more than she liked. She knew better than to expect to be included, but as her father's favourite in a household of women, she was more accustomed than most young women to having the opportunity of expressing her opinions. At Pemberley, Darcy had included her and Mrs. Gardiner in his planning, and Elizabeth was finding her lonely relegation to marginality displeasing, and suspicions that she had best accustom herself to this position did not improve her disposition. That she missed Darcy did not help matters in the least. Darcy's entrance lightened her mood considerably. She smiled at him, and he firmly if improperly closed the door behind him before taking her into his arms. He sought out her lips with all the pent-up need of the past two days, feeling himself restored by the taste and the feel of her as she returned his kisses. 193

A bi ga il Rey nolds Holding her close, he allowed himself to revel in the feeling of loving her and being loved, and briefly let his cares fall away in her arms. Elizabeth's only desire at that moment was to remain in his arms forever, but she knew that her uncle's standards for behaviour in his house were such that he would not tolerate the closed door for even a few minutes. "William, someone is bound to come in," she said breathlessly. "No, we will be left alone; I am supposed to be convincing you of something." He trailed kisses along her jaw before returning to her mouth. "And what is it that you are to convince me of?" she asked, her desire to resist him fading rapidly in face of the onslaught of sensation he was provoking within her. "At the moment, I only want to convince you to kiss me again," said Darcy feelingly, wanting to preserve the sensation of Elizabeth's arms around him, especially given that he suspected that she might soon not be feeling quite so warmly toward him. With a playful smile, she pulled his head down to hers again for a delightfully deep kiss. "You see, I am not so difficult to convince, at least when the question is the correct one," she teased. He returned her attentions with equal fervor. "Unfortunately, you may not be as fond of the next question, my love," he said. Hearing the serious undertone in his voice, Elizabeth pulled back slightly, concerned as to what could make Darcy so apprehensive about her reaction. Trying to quell a sense of anxiety, she said, "Perhaps you had best ask this terrible question, then, William." "They want us to marry immediately," he said. Elizabeth had not known what to expect, but, anticipating that it would relate to Lydia; was taken completely by surprise. "I beg your pardon?" she asked incredulously, pulling away from him. "Tomorrow, if possible," he said tentatively, seeing how stiff she had become. He could see that he had gone about this in the wrong way, and her look concerned him. Unhappily aware that she was displeased by the same prospect that he found eminently satisfying, he said, "I am explaining this badly; please let me try again." He briefly recounted the concerns regarding Wickham's response to their engagement and the potential for his using it against them, and why this solution had been suggested. "I told them that I would not support it unless you agreed to it," he said worriedly. 194

THE RULE OF REASON Elizabeth, able to hear the cold light of reason in the plan, softened slightly, but her heart continued to rebel at the sensation of having her choices taken away from her. Although there was a certain temptation to the idea, she did not yet feel prepared for such a change - she was not ready to put her girlhood behind her so abruptly, to accept that she would never again return to Longbourn as her home, never again talk with Jane late into the night. She would be happy to know that she need no longer be separated from Darcy, but to think of herself so abruptly thrust into his household, under his management - she was not ready for it; she had anticipated the next month to accustom herself to the idea of moving from her father's care to her husband's, not to mention the change it would demand in her relationship with Darcy. She could see, too, that Darcy was more anxious for her answer than the situation seemed to warrant, given his words; he was indeed not skilled at disguise, and she could tell that he knew more than he had told her. "Are you so worried, then, about what Wickham may do with this?" she asked. "No, I.... in truth, the idea that he could make it difficult for us to marry is worrisome, but we would find some way to manage, I am sure." "Then what is concerning you so, William?" Her suspicions were still raised. He closed his eyes, wishing that she were slightly less perceptive. The truth was that, given Mr. Bennet's stance, he saw no choice in the matter unless they were willing to risk a major confrontation, and he desperately wanted Elizabeth to be pleased about marrying him. He could see no solution that would satisfy everyone. "I do not believe that this is what you would wish, and I do not wish to make you unhappy, yet I see conflict no matter the decision we reach. While I have said that I would not support forcing you into this arrangement, your father is not of the same opinion; he sees it as sacrificing your preferences in timing to improve the chances of both Lydia and Jane to marry, and he has said that he will insist on it." This way of looking at it had not occurred to Elizabeth, and she wrapped her arms around herself as she forced herself to consider it. He was right; she could not be so selfish as to risk her sisters' future for her own comfort. "Very well," she said, her voice steady, but far from warm. "You have convinced me." "Elizabeth," he said with obvious distress, "I want you to feel happy about marrying me. I do not want you to pay the price for my conflict with 195

A bi ga il Rey nolds Wickham, for my failure to expose his actions to the world, and I feel helpless to prevent it." The pain in his voice made her heart lurch; she feared that he was interpreting her response as a rejection of him. "I am happy about marrying you, William," she said gently, putting her arms around him. "This comes as a shock, that is all; I admit that I do not feel quite ready for this step, but I have faith that you and I will find a way to make it work." "Dearest Elizabeth," he said, relief apparent in his voice. "I will do anything in my power to make you happy." He kissed her lightly, his mind traveling to the possibility that she would be his soon, and his body's response to the thought was undeniable. Between his anticipation and his fear of her rejection, he could feel his possessive need for her about to spiral out of his control, and he disentangled himself from her gently, keeping only her hands in his. As he raised them to his lips, he asked, his eyes beseeching, "Are you certain, my love?" "I am quite certain," she said steadily, looking into his eyes as she saw his need for reassurance. "Are the details settled? I would like to know the plans." "Not as of yet; perhaps we should join the others to discuss that now," he said, concerned by the idea of leaving her alone with her thoughts. She smiled at him warmly, pleased that he would include her. "Yes, let us do that." He was still not completely reassured, and with an effort forced himself to make an offer that went against his deepest wishes. "Elizabeth, I do realize that this is rushing you, and I want to say that I .... I will not ask anything of you that you are not ready to give." Her face took on an affectionate look of amusement. "William, you do worry about the most unlikely things sometimes." She was relieved to see his slight smile in response to her words, and accepted a kiss whose intimacy clearly held promises for the future. He led her back to the study, where the other three gentlemen were deep in conversation which abruptly ceased on their entrance. Mr. Bennet raised an eyebrow at the sight of his daughter. "Well, Lizzy?" he enquired. "I have given my consent," she said, receiving a grateful look from Darcy. "Excellent!" said Colonel Fitzwilliam. "We have been making plans in your absence, Darcy, and have determined that your task for today is to get the 196

THE RULE OF REASON license. I will speak with the rector at St. George's - I assume you do want St. George's, Darcy? - and Mr. Gardiner will try to obtain further information as to the present location of Mrs. Yonge and Wickham's other London friends." "My task," said Mr. Bennet dryly, "is to remain here and be useless. It seems that I am not to be trusted with any of these negotiations." "You are too close to the concerns, brother," said Mr. Gardiner. "I can be more detached." "I should warn you, Mr. Darcy, that you have been equally dispossessed; these gentlemen have determined that you cannot be trusted to deal directly with Wickham either," said Mr. Bennet, watching with some amusement to see his reaction to this intelligence. He was not disappointed. Darcy's face darkened as he said, "Dealing with Wickham is my responsibility, mine and no other's. It is my fault that his character has not been exposed before this, and it stands with me to remedy it." Colonel Fitzwilliam was prepared for this response. "No one is trying to take away your part in this - we are just suggesting that you are not the ideal negotiator if our goal is resolution of the situation. First of all, he knows you well enough to manipulate you, Darcy, and second, I do not trust your temper at the moment. Wickham knows that I would just as soon run him through as not, and hopefully that will keep his demands within reason. You will have your turn with him soon enough, cousin." "We will discuss this later, Fitzwilliam," said Darcy grimly, more than willing to take out his anger over causing Elizabeth distress on his cousin. "As you wish," said Colonel Fitzwilliam with a shrug, clearly not at all concerned by the concept.

197

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Chapter 12

Elizabeth had expressed a desire to visit Georgiana, so after the gentlemen had departed on their various tasks, she convinced her father to escort her to the Darcy townhouse. She was pleased to discover that it was only a few houses away from Hyde Park, ideal for her favoured walks. Georgiana was delighted to see her, and she took Elizabeth and Mr. Bennet on a tour of the main rooms of the house. It was not a surprise to find that it was as elegantly appointed as Pemberley, although in a more fashionable style. Elizabeth's pulses fluttered a bit at the thought that it would become her home tomorrow, and she coloured as certain of the implications of that came to her mind. Georgiana seemed to think that the news of an immediate wedding was a cause for excitement rather than concern. After her first raptures were over, she announced that there was no choice but to go to the milliner immediately to purchase new gloves and a new bonnet for Elizabeth for the occasion, although she acknowledged with a sigh that unfortunately there would be insufficient time to have a new dress made. Elizabeth initially demurred, saying that what she already had would serve well enough, but after noticing how animated the prospect of a shopping trip made Georgiana, who had been very quiet since the news of Lydia and Wickham, she reconsidered and accepted the offer. "I must admit, though, that I have no idea where one goes in town for such things," confessed Elizabeth. 198

THE RULE OF REASON "Oh, that is no problem," Georgiana said eagerly. "We can go to the milliner that I use, and if she has nothing appropriate, I know that she will help us find something. I like her very much; she has lovely things." Elizabeth laughingly agreed to the proposal. Mr. Bennet, feeling that his time could be more profitably spent exploring Darcy's library than discussing lace, opted not to join them. Once at the milliner's shop, which obviously catered to a wealthier clientele than the shops she had patronized with her aunt, it became clear that shopping was one setting in which shyness did not affect Georgiana. She seemed well-known there, and when she introduced Elizabeth as Darcy's intended, the staff were very excited by the intelligence. It was not until she purchased new gloves, a new bonnet, and several other items of a far higher quality than that to which she was accustomed that Georgiana was satisfied. Elizabeth instructed the shopkeeper to send the bill to her father at Gracechurch Street, but Georgiana overruled her and had it all placed on the Darcy account, much to Elizabeth's discomfort. She was acutely aware of how much the situation with Wickham was likely to cost Darcy, and she hardly wished to spend any more of his money at the moment. Georgiana then insisted that they visit a modiste to examine patterns and fabrics as well in preparation for ordering new dresses, but Elizabeth, cognizant of the cost of this adventure, laughingly put her off. "You will need to do it soon in any case," said Georgiana winningly. "We could at least see what is available." Elizabeth eventually allowed herself to be persuaded with the agreement that there would be no further purchases, but by the time they had viewed many fabrics and models, Georgiana was not to be gainsaid, and insisted on ordering one new dress for Elizabeth. On the way back to Brook Street, Georgiana took the opportunity to point out some of her favourite shops, as well as taking Elizabeth past Grosvenor Square and through the neighborhood. Elizabeth was still bemused by the transformation in her when they returned to the house to find Mr. Bennet and Mr. Darcy looking daggers at one another over glasses of port. Darcy's face warmed gratifyingly when he saw her; he had been successful in obtaining the license, and was feeling quite ready to join her life to his. Seeing her come back to his house after what had clearly been a pleasant outing with his sister was a fine reminder of how pleasant it would be when she was his wife. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at her father when she noticed the tension in the room. She was tolerably well acquainted with how her father's behaviour 199

A bi ga il Rey nolds affected Darcy, but she was not completely certain to what extent her father chose to quarrel with him over actual concerns rather than for his own amusement. "Mr. Darcy," she said lightly. "You had not warned me of the dangers of shopping with your sister. I fear that despite my best efforts she has been attempting to bankrupt you." "I am sure it is in a good cause," he said affectionately, kissing her hand. "Well," said Mr. Bennet abruptly, "It is time for us to be returning to your uncle's house, Lizzy." Darcy rolled his eyes upward. "If I may beg a minute's indulgence, sir, there is something which I would like to show to Elizabeth." The tension in his voice belied his polite words. "As you wish, Mr. Darcy." Mr. Bennet's eyes followed them as Darcy led Elizabeth from the room. He showed her into his study and let out a pent-up breath. "Elizabeth, I am beginning to think that your father positively delights in annoying me." She kissed him lightly. "It is quite possible; I cannot think why he should be so harsh with you." He took her into his arms, thinking that he himself might well not be too fond of the man who would take Georgiana away from him. "As long as it does not affect how you feel, my love, I can tolerate it. But I did not bring you here to talk about your father, or even to kiss you, though that is a very appealing idea." With an amused smile, Elizabeth took his hint and put her arms around his neck and offered him her lips. It was several pleasant minutes before she pulled away from him and said, "There was something you wished to speak to me about, I believe?" He laughed softly. "I have something to give you, in fact. I brought this with me from Pemberley, thinking that I might not have the chance to return there before we married, though I did not anticipate that it would be quite so soon as this! It would please me if you wore this tomorrow." He drew a long box out of a drawer of his desk. He handed it to her, and when she looked questioningly at him, said, "It is yours, my love. Open it." Raising the lid, she gasped as the sight of a diamond and sapphire necklace, obviously an heirloom, and exquisite in its simplicity. Speechless, she touched it lightly with one finger, and then looked up to find a pleased smile on Darcy's face. "William, I ... I hardly know what to say," she eventually said. She 200

THE RULE OF REASON had never received such an extravagant gift - nor even dreamed of receiving one - and did not even know how to express her thanks. "It belonged to my mother. Most of her jewels are Georgiana's, but she left me this to give to my wife. It matches the ring I gave you," he said somewhat shyly. She looked up at him, thinking of how much he enjoyed giving Georgiana gifts, and recognizing he likely would derive the same enjoyment with her. "Thank you, William," she said, feeling words were inadequate. "I shall be proud to wear it." He lifted it out of its case, and placed it around her neck, then stepped back to admire the sight. He had long pictured her wearing it; since he associated it so strongly with the woman he would marry, it was almost a badge of possession in his mind. He smiled, thinking of her wearing it after they were married, when he would have the right to have her always beside him. Seeing the warmth of his look, Elizabeth slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him, a gesture which he returned and deepened. She sighed happily as he clasped her to him, and set to enjoy the taste of his lips, stirred by feeling his strong body against hers. When they paused for breath, she said, "I do love you so." Deeply aroused, he murmured, "My dearest Elizabeth," as his hands began to explore the curves of her back. One day suddenly seemed a very long time to wait before making her his, and he could not resist taking advantage of her obvious response to press kisses down her neck in the way that he knew to stimulate her. His sudden passion and evocative touch left her feeling weak, and she impulsively slipped her hands inside his tailcoat, enjoying feeling the warmth of his chest and shoulders. Her act provoked a clear reaction in him, and he pressed against her while seeking her mouth demandingly. "William, love," she whispered against his lips, feeling her entire body craving more of him. Darcy was struggling to convince himself to stop with kisses when such a tempting range of delights was before him, and eventually found the strength to call a halt to his demands of her. He leaned his forehead against hers, and said huskily, "You are the only woman in the world for me, my love." His words touched her deeply, and as she worked to calm herself, the thought came to her that the next time this occurred, there would be no need to stop. This reflection was at the same time gratifying and anxiety-provoking, and she sought to push it from her mind as quickly as possible. 201

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Your father will have yet one more item to hold against me if I do not return you to him soon," said Darcy, who was beginning to question his ability to restrain himself if she remained in his arms any longer. She released him and stepped back with a smile. "We cannot have that, can we?" He stroked a finger down her cheek lightly. "Tomorrow, Elizabeth," he said, his words a promise. She tried to swallow the morsel of fear that came to her. "Tomorrow," she echoed, gazing into his eyes. "You and Mr. Darcy seem to be developing an interesting relationship," said Elizabeth to Mr. Bennet as they were traveling back to Gracechurch Street. "Hmm. By that I take it that you mean that we quarrel quite readily, Lizzy," said Mr. Bennet mildly. Elizabeth considered this. "No more than two cornered tomcats, but yes, you do seem to have your moments." "He is a very serious fellow, your Mr. Darcy." "Until he knows you well, that is perhaps true," allowed Elizabeth. "He is very easy to provoke, especially on the subject of you, Lizzy," commented Mr. Bennet. "And you delight in provoking him, do you not?" she challenged him. "He is taking my last chance for intelligent conversation far away from Longbourn and leaving me to the mercies of your mother, Mary, and Kitty," he said. "The least he deserves for that is a little provocation, I would say. I could wish that you had found yourself a young man a little closer to home, Lizzy." "I hope that you will visit us at Pemberley often. We will be happy to provide sensible conversation, at least if you and Mr. Darcy can manage to keep the peace for more than a few minutes at a time." Mr. Bennet patted her hand. "Never fear, Lizzy, I am sure that we will manage somehow. It is never easy for a father to admit that another man has won his daughter's allegiance, and I do not doubt that it is hard for Mr. Darcy to accept that you owe allegiance to anyone but him." Elizabeth smiled at this characterization of her admittedly possessive fiancé. "You object to him harbouring strong feelings for me?" she asked pointedly. "Enough, Lizzy! I shall endeavour to be kind to your Mr. Darcy, if it will earn me peace!" 202

THE RULE OF REASON She laughed, well pleased with this resolution. Elizabeth slept fitfully that night and awoke early, her thoughts immediately flying to the day ahead. She found herself surprisingly anxious, and she dearly wished that Jane were with her, or at least her aunt. Jane would be able to reassure her, to remind her that Darcy loved her, and that this was what she herself wanted, even if the circumstances were somewhat lacking. She fidgeted until the maid arrived to help her dress. In the breakfast room she found that none of the foods appealed, but forced herself to choose something to fortify herself for what was to come. Her father joined her, looking to be in far from the best of spirits himself; Elizabeth had to remind herself that his mind was also very much preoccupied with Lydia's situation, and that her wedding was not his only priority. He roused himself sufficiently to tease her about Darcy, but her usual sense of the ridiculous seemed to have deserted her for once, and she felt only mild irritation. She found it hard to settle herself after breakfast, and was glad when it came time to dress for the wedding. The maid helped her into the one formal gown she had brought on the journey to Derbyshire for the contingency of calling on Lord and Lady Matlock; she had hardly thought to marry in it. She found herself again wishing for Jane to share these moments with her - it was hard to feel celebratory all alone. The maid was just finishing her hair when Mrs. Harper, the housekeeper, made an entrance. Elizabeth greeted her with a smile - over the years that she had visited with the Gardiners, Mrs. Harper had been a motherly presence who always had a few moments to spoil the young Jane and Elizabeth. She gave Elizabeth her best wishes on the day, and shooed the maid out. She handed Elizabeth her bonnet and gloves. "You have quite a day ahead of you, Miss Elizabeth," she said. Grateful for any companionship at this juncture, Elizabeth agreed, thanking her for her wishes. "It happened to occur to me," said Mrs. Harper as she helped to smooth the new gloves on Elizabeth's arm, "that it happens that neither your aunt nor your mother are here with you today, and that, since you weren't to be expecting this to take place, it might be that neither of them had talked to you about it yet." 203

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Only in generalities," agreed Elizabeth, wondering at the housekeeper's intent. "It also happened to occur to me - and begging your pardon, Miss Elizabeth, if I embarrass you - that Mrs. Gardiner would never forgive me if I were to let you go to your marriage bed as ignorant as the day you were born. She doesn't hold with such notions, no indeed." Elizabeth smiled even as the colour rose in her cheeks. Yes, her aunt would indeed not hold with such notions, she knew, but what she would have thought of Elizabeth learning the facts from the housekeeper was more of a question. She certainly did not want to admit to Mrs. Harper that she had discovered a bit more of it than she was supposed to have done, but, in fact, the question of what was to come had been on her mind. She thanked Mrs. Harper for her consideration, and listened carefully if somewhat nervously to her explanations. The housekeeper concluded by saying, "If your man is a kind one, and he cares for you, it should be a happy experience for you. If he cares only for his own pleasure, then perhaps not." She hooked the sapphire necklace around Elizabeth's neck, and looked her over from head to foot. "There - you will do very nicely, Miss Elizabeth." Elizabeth devoutly hoped she was correct. Colonel Fitzwilliam was waiting in the portico of the church for the bride's party to arrive when an elegant carriage pulled up and disgorged his brother and his wife. The newcomer advanced on the Colonel with a displeased look in his eyes, and said, "What am I to make of this, Richard? 'Meet me at St. George's, eleven o'clock tomorrow, bring family, urgent?' What game is this?" "It is a pleasure to see you, too, Edward," replied the Colonel amiably. "I thought that you might want to see Darcy wed, so I invited you." "Darcy? Married? He is not even engaged!" snapped the Viscount irritably. Colonel Fitzwilliam held up his hands. "I am not to blame if he chooses not to tell you these things!" "Are you quite serious, Colonel?" asked Lady Marbury. "Quite serious," he assured her. "Then perhaps we should go in," she suggested to her husband, who acquiesced with a scowl. 204

THE RULE OF REASON Mr. Bennet, Mr. Gardiner, and Elizabeth were next to arrive, and Colonel Fitzwilliam was able to explain the arrangements for the service to them without further ado. He was about to return inside to Darcy when he noticed the strained look on Elizabeth's face. He took a moment to go to her side and said quietly, "Miss Bennet, you are about to marry a good man who loves you more than life itself. There is no need to worry." She smiled at him, grateful for his concern for her feelings. "I do know that, sir. It is just that it is quite a change for me," she said. And I, like a lost child, am frantically wishing that my family were here, she thought. It was an unusual day indeed that found her missing her mother. "It will be fine," he said warmly. "I shall see you inside." A few minutes later, Elizabeth felt a profound sense of unreality as she walked down the aisle of the unfamiliar church on her father's arm. The sense that she was leaving her world to move into Darcy's was an alarming one. It felt an impossibly long way to the altar, and her heart pounded as she walked. When she finally stood beside Darcy at the altar she took a deep breath to quell her dizziness, then looked up at him. The look of warmth in his dark eyes comforted her as the minister began to speak. Darcy, who had been waiting eagerly to see Elizabeth, was immediately concerned by her pallor, and felt half an impulse to stop the service to see if she needed assistance. His first thought, that she did not want to marry him, he recognized to be an unreasonable fear; the way she looked at him told him that it was not true, and it occurred to him that he was not sure that he had ever seen Elizabeth frightened in the time he had known her. He wished that he could take her in his arms and restore the roses to her cheeks. He realized with a shock that he had not been paying the slightest attention to the minister's words, and that he was reaching a point where his response was required. "Wilt thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?" the minister recited. Darcy looked at Elizabeth, willing her to meet his eyes as he responded, "I will." He was relieved to see her normal colour returning, and he kept his gaze locked with hers as the service continued. "Wilt thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and 205

A bi ga il Rey nolds serve him, love, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?" Elizabeth, who had heard even less of the service than Darcy, was able to manage a small smile as she said quietly, "I will." "Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?" Mr. Bennet kissed her cheek before releasing her, a suspicious sheen in his eyes. As Darcy took her hand, the warmth of his hand was a lifeline to her, and abruptly everything seemed real to her again. Her fingers tightened on his, and as he returned the pressure, she was reminded of the very first time he had taken her hand in the curricle while driving her back to Longbourn, and an affectionate smile crossed her face. Suddenly she was glad to be there, glad to be marrying him. His face lightened as he saw her obvious relief, even if he could not understand it. His intense gaze fixed on her as he repeated the words of his vows, "I, Fitzwilliam, take thee, Elizabeth, to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth." Elizabeth's voice was stronger than it had been earlier as she in turn took him as her husband and promised to love, cherish, and to obey him. The light of the smile dawning on Darcy's face could not be denied as he slid the ring onto her finger and said in a voice rich with meaning, "With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen." As they knelt for the prayer, Elizabeth realized that it no longer mattered to her that the marriage had been rushed, that her family was far away; all that mattered was the man at her side. The minister joined their hands again, and said the words over them, "Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder." It is done, thought Darcy. After all this time, after all the pain, it is done. He looked down at the ring on her finger, and wished fervently that the rest of the world would disappear, leaving him alone with her. But his wishes were not to be granted; once the service was over, he knew they would have to accept congratulations from their family members, and then go home with Georgiana and Colonel Fitzwilliam. He would not be alone with Elizabeth until they retired for the night, which at that moment seemed years away. 206

THE RULE OF REASON As they walked together back down the aisle, he whispered, "You looked pale earlier. Is all well, Mrs. Darcy?" She smiled at him, and he saw that sparkle that he loved so in her eyes as she said, "I am very well indeed, Mr. Darcy, though I shall never again laugh at a case of bridal nerves!" "I adore you," he said in her ear just before the others joined them. Colonel Fitzwilliam offered them his heartiest congratulations. "Mrs. Darcy, may I present my brother, Lord Marbury, and his wife, Lady Marbury? Mrs. Darcy is the former Miss Elizabeth Bennet, Edward." Elizabeth greeted Viscount Marbury, a thin man with a look of chronic dyspepsia. Lady Marbury was dressed in an elegant fashion which quite outshone Elizabeth's country best, a fact which she had clearly noted. Elizabeth hid a smile. It was hard to imagine the amiable Colonel Fitzwilliam coming from the same stock as his brother. "Bennet - I do not believe that I have heard that name before," said Lady Marbury, managing to delicately imply that there was something quite dubious about this. "My family is from Hertfordshire, Lady Marbury, and I would hardly imagine it would come to the attention of the ton," said Elizabeth with a pleasant smile. Darcy put his hand over hers as if to reassure her. Mr. Bennet and Mr. Gardiner joined them, and further introductions were made. Lady Marbury's condescending attitude to her father irritated Elizabeth, and she could see that it made Darcy no more comfortable than she. "And where is the rest of your family today, Mrs. Darcy?" asked Lord Marbury. Elizabeth, unable to resist, looked to one side of her and then the other, as if expecting to find her family. "I regret to say that I seem to have misplaced them, Lord Marbury," she said. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Darcy struggling to suppress a smile. Colonel Fitzwilliam coughed. "Well, I must be off - I promised to spend the remainder of the day with the Major General. Edward, did you say that you were planning to invite Georgiana to dine with you? That was a kind thought; I am sure she would find Brook Street dull this afternoon." "I said nothing of the sort!" snapped Lord Marbury, who then discovered himself to be the recipient of a look from his brother that would have melted iron. "Oh, of course. Georgiana, will you be so kind as to dine with us today?" His voice was unenthusiastic. 207

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Thank you, that would be lovely," said Georgiana in a voice just above a whisper. Elizabeth, although concerned for Georgiana in such company, gave Colonel Fitzwilliam a grateful glance for taking the trouble to ensure their privacy on their wedding day. When they finally arrived back at the Darcy townhouse, they were greeted by the entire staff, lined up to meet Mrs. Darcy and to give the master their felicitations. Elizabeth did her best to try to learn names and faces, though afterward it would seem somewhat of a blur to her. The staff, apparently warned by Colonel Fitzwilliam as to his plans, had laid on an elegant luncheon for the new couple for which Elizabeth expressed her appreciation while noticing that Darcy, who had reached the point of little tolerance for other people, was becoming quite silent. It was not until after the footmen had cleared away the last of the meal they were left quite alone. Darcy breathed a sigh of relief. "Sometimes I think that there are far too many people in the world," he said to Elizabeth's amusement. "I fear that is part of the price of being a pillar of society," she replied. Reaching over to take her hand, he drew her onto his lap, where she settled in with a happy sigh. Cradling her in his arms, he gave her an exploratory kiss which sent tingles of excitement through her as she inevitably thought of what was to come that night. "I am glad to have you to myself finally," he admitted, trying to find a way to raise the subject of that morning which still concerned him. Although she no longer seemed to be upset, she obviously had been earlier, and he was gradually learning the danger of being unaware of Elizabeth's thoughts and concerns. Finally he decided in favor of straightforwardness, and said, "You worried me earlier - you were so pale at the church, my love." Elizabeth coloured. "I feel quite foolish about it - I fear that I had worked myself up to a set of nerves which would not disgrace my mother, and all over a rather silly matter." "And what was the matter that you find silly, dearest?" he prompted. "You will not laugh? I was panicked over being alone; I missed having Jane with me, or my aunt, and by the time I reached the church I would have settled for my mother or Mary! Somehow having my father there did not provide the reassurance that I would have found in having another woman with me. There - I told you it was foolish; I know that there were excellent reasons 208

THE RULE OF REASON for marrying now, and that the most important part is being married, not who was present at the wedding." He wondered guiltily if he should have refused to compromise on the wedding date. "My dearest love, what could be more natural than to want your family around you on your wedding day? I am so sorry that you did not; I wish that we could have had the wedding you would have wished for, and I know it is because of me that it had to be this way. And, while I cannot complain of being displeased with the result --" he paused to kiss her lingeringly, and ran a finger down her neck until his hand rested lightly on her exposed shoulder, "-I would have rather waited and married as you had wished." The touch of his hand created an exquisite sense of warmth in her, and she wondered distractedly how such a slight contact could be felt throughout her. Her lips began to tingle with anticipation, and she had to force herself to concentrate on the conversation. "Had we waited, I would no doubt be complaining of how irritating my family was, and how I wished we could have married without any of them! No, William, I am simply difficult to please, and it certainly is not because of you that we married now; Wickham and Lydia must bear the entire brunt of that burden." Her mouth felt suddenly dry. He saw a delightful flush rising in her cheeks, and experimentally let his thumb explore her neck, his hand otherwise remaining in place. "I am only grateful, my loveliest Elizabeth, that we need no longer be parted. I must confess that I was finding it a difficult adjustment having you halfway across the city after being with you at Pemberley - I am afraid I had become quite accustomed to having you nearby." The look on her face and the feeling of her in his arms was beginning to wreak havoc on his sensibilities, and his awareness of her arousal made it increasingly difficult to consider waiting until the night. Feeling that her entire being was concentrated in those few inches of skin that he was caressing so lightly, she found her eyes drifting to his lips, which looked so tempting that she could not help but to run her fingers along them. She heard his indrawn breath, and felt a shock of sensation as he took her finger into his mouth, catching it lightly between his teeth and running his tongue along the tip. She felt barely able to control her response; her entire body seemed to be demanding something more, and her susceptibility to him was rising as each minute went by. How can he possibly induce such feelings in me? she wondered with a degree of desperation. This has to stop, or I will be reduced to begging him to take me, and it is a very long time until we retire! 209

A bi ga il Rey nolds His desire for her was mounting by the minute, intensified by her look of longing, and as she closed her eyes, moving her body against his, he knew that delaying the inevitable was rapidly becoming beyond him. His thoughts began to drift ahead to what lay before them, and before he knew it he had released her finger to take hungry possession of her mouth. Beyond the realm of thought, she whispered yearningly, "Oh, William, my love." The imploring sound of his name on her lips was more than he could bear, and he shifted his arms under her. "Elizabeth, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth," he breathed as he tasted the tender skin of her neck. "I can wait no longer." He stood with her in his arms, his heart pounding as he realized that she was making no protest, but rather held herself as close as possible to him as he carried her to the stairs. She was his wife, and she was his for the taking, and he could not imagine anything more glorious in the universe. Afterwards Elizabeth lay in Darcy's arms, her head resting intimately on his shoulder, a slight smile upon her lips. He tangled his hand in her long curls, enjoying the pleasure of her presence beside him, and the knowledge that she was finally his. He had waited so long for this, had dreamed of it and despaired of it, and now she was in truth his wife, and apparently content to be so. He had found in her all the passion that he could have wished for, and he knew that he would be grateful for the rest of his days to have her at his side. He was not inexperienced, but he had never known that lovemaking could be like this; that it could touch him so deeply and leave him feeling so completely accepted and yet vulnerable at the same moment. His gratitude for her love was profound, and he felt completed in a way he could never have understood in the past, and it seemed to open a capacity for happiness that was new to his experience. "Elizabeth, my most beloved Elizabeth," he murmured, only half conscious that he was speaking aloud. Elizabeth, feeling a sense of peace and contentment unusual to her high spirits, put her hand to his cheek. He had been a gentle and thoughtful lover, and had raised her to heights of excitement and fulfillment she had never dreamed existed. She felt astonished at the feelings he had created in her, and she knew instinctively that he now knew and possessed a part of her that no one else ever would. She said softly, "I love you so, William," the words she found so difficult to say at other times coming fluently to her lips at this intimate moment. 210

THE RULE OF REASON He smiled gently. "I will always be yours," he said, holding her as if he would never let her go. Concerned, however, for her experience, he asked tenderly, "Is everything well, my love?" She nestled closer to him, kissing his chin lightly, feeling that words could not do justice to how she felt at that moment. "Nothing could be better, nothing at all, William." He smiled warmly at her. "I am glad to hear it, my wife," he said. Her heart raced a little at the appellation that was still so new to her as he caught her mouth with his for an intimate kiss. "I wish we could tell Georgiana and Fitzwilliam to stay away for a week." She opened her eyes wide with a mocking look of innocence. "Only a week, my husband?" "I think, my dearest love, that it may take years to satisfy me," he said, easing her off his shoulder so that he could prop himself up beside her. "Many years indeed." Gazing into her eyes, he caressed her cheek tenderly. "I do have a great deal of time to make up for, you know." The following morning at breakfast, Colonel Fitzwilliam announced himself to be the most insensitive man in the entire world; as evidence of this, he planned to tear Darcy from Elizabeth's side for a short time. Elizabeth coloured at his words, and Darcy, after checking that Georgiana was nowhere to be seen, proceeded to kiss her lingeringly before giving his amused cousin a challenging look and agreeing to go with him. Elizabeth, left to herself with fiercely blushing cheeks, realized that she had best accustom herself to an unprecedented degree of demonstrativeness from her husband in front of his or perhaps she should now say their - family. Of course, most newlyweds were fortunate enough not to spend their wedding night in the midst of a family of adults, she reflected, and this might account for his behaviour. Darcy returned to her not half an hour later. "You are no doubt wondering what that was about," he said. "Perhaps a bit, but I was far too preoccupied with missing you to give it much thought," she said with a playful smile. Pleased, he leaned over and kissed her quite thoroughly and passionately. When he released her lips and saw her flushed cheeks and the look in her eyes, he said, "If you are going to make a habit of saying provocative things like that, my love, you may never hear what he had to say." 211

A bi ga il Rey nolds She smiled at him mischievously. "If you are going to make a habit of responding to such comments in such a delightful manner, you may be certain that I will be making them frequently!" His eyes darkened with desire, and he drew her from her chair and into his arms where he reclaimed her lips with an intimacy that brought memories of the previous night to both of them. As his hands began to wander, she said spiritedly, "I believe that there was something you were planning to tell me, Mr. Darcy!" He nibbled on her ear. "You, Mrs. Darcy, have caused me to forget completely anything of the sort." "I had not realized that I was marrying such a forgetful man," she teased. "Whereas I knew quite well that I was marrying an extremely distracting woman," he replied, releasing her with a look that clearly said that the subject was dropped only temporarily. "Well, my cousin seems to have seen fit to give us a rather unusual wedding gift. Yesterday, after our wedding, instead of meeting with the Major General as he had said he would, he spent the afternoon chasing down George Wickham. Not only that, he apparently sat down with him and negotiated an agreement with him for marrying Lydia, and then, with Wickham's support, delivered your apparently rather recalcitrant sister to your father at Gracechurch Street." A wave of relief came over Elizabeth, and she threw her arms around him, tears coming to her eyes. "Thank you," she said feelingly. "Well, the thanks for this part of the arrangement go to Fitzwilliam, although I must admit that I would prefer it if you did not thank him in that particular manner. I will have to meet with my attorney to make arrangements for the payment and for settling Wickham's debts, and then I thought you might wish to call at Gracechurch Street." "Oh, yes," Elizabeth said. "I would like that very much." She knew how relieved her father would be, and felt a little strange for no longer being a part of the family that was reuniting there. You have a new family now, she reminded herself, and in proof, she reached up and kissed Darcy, teasing him into making the kiss rather deeper than he had originally intended. Involuntarily, she remembered the pleasure he had given her the previous day, and her body began to make demands of its own. Darcy drew her closer, aroused by her initiative. "On second thought," he growled, "the attorney can wait." 212

THE RULE OF REASON It was afternoon when they finally arrived at the Gardiners' house. Elizabeth felt a palpable sense of displacement; it seemed that far more than one day had passed since she had passed through its doors. She looked up at Darcy for reassurance, and he took her hand in his with a smile as he knocked on the door. The manservant who showed them in brought them to the drawing room, announcing, "Mr. and Mrs. Darcy," as they entered. The newlyweds glanced at one another at the appellation, and Darcy gave Elizabeth a slight smile which warmed her. "Lizzy!" cried Lydia, jumping up from the chair where she had recently been subjected to a long lecture from her father and her uncle. "Oh, Lord, can you believe everything that has happened since I went away? Only think of it being three months; it seems but a fortnight, I declare. Good gracious! when I went away, I am sure I had no more thought of being engaged till I came back again! though I thought it would be very good fun if I was." Mr. Bennet lifted up his eyes. Darcy stood with an austere countenance. Elizabeth looked expressively at Lydia; but she, who never heard nor saw any thing of which she chose to be insensible, gaily continued, "And you are married now! Oh, Lord! Oh, I did so want to be married before all my sisters, but never mind! But why could you not have waited a day, so that I could be your bridesmaid?" Elizabeth, mortified at this display in front of Darcy, could bear it no longer. "Lydia, come with me, please," she said, and seizing her youngest sister by the wrist, drew her firmly from the room and into the hallway. Darcy looked after her with a raised eyebrow, then, deciding that Elizabeth had Lydia well in hand, joined Mr. Bennet and Mr. Gardiner. "I wish her luck," said Mr. Bennet dryly. "Perhaps Lizzy will make herself heard where we could not. But I doubt it; Lydia would have to be listening to take in a word, and she certainly has not exercised that capacity even once since her arrival here!" Darcy wisely kept his own counsel on this subject, asking instead, "Has word been sent to Longbourn of her discovery yet?" Mr. Bennet, who was discovering to his dismay that if he had been displeased with the idea of Darcy as Lizzy's intended, it was nothing compared to his feelings on Darcy as her husband and the recipient of her tender looks. He recalled his promise to his daughter, however, and said neutrally, "Indeed, I 213

A bi ga il Rey nolds sent an express last night with the news of Lydia and also of your marriage, thus sparing us all the necessity of hearing Mrs. Bennet's raptures on the subject." "Ah," said Darcy carefully. "I hope that she will consider it good news." "I plan to return to Longbourn myself tomorrow," said Mr. Bennet, adding silently, without Lizzy, unfortunately. No, he could safely say that he did not care for Lizzy being married to this man in the slightest. "What are your plans at this point? Do you remain in London?" "For a short while we shall have to do so, as there is business I must conduct here, and I must be here for the wedding, to ensure that Wickham does not try to renege on his promise - I hesitate to say 'his word,' as I fear that means nothing to him. We must, of course, travel to Longbourn at some point, but as to when that will be, I am not certain." "Ah, yes," Mr. Bennet said. Mentally sharpening his knife, he said, "Colonel Fitzwilliam did not have the time to explain to me the details of the agreement that he had reached with Wickham." Darcy had enough experience with Mr. Bennet by this point to be aware that there was a trap forming around him, but was not yet able to see where it was. He became more distant as he said, "I doubt he saw any need to explain it, as it has all been arranged for." "By you." "That is correct, sir." "So, you do not plan to allow me to be of any use to my daughter, then." Darcy drummed his fingers restlessly, the trap now apparent. He could try to maneuver his way out of it by explaining why he felt he had a responsibility for Wickham's behaviour, owing to his failure to expose him to the censure of the world in the past. He suspected it would be of little use, though. Very well, he thought, if I cannot avoid the trap, I might as well walk into it with my eyes open. "If that is how you prefer to look at it, sir, then no, I do not." The corners of Mr. Bennet's mouth turned up with amusement. "I see," he said. Darcy's eyes turned heavenward. And he had thought Elizabeth's moods difficult to predict! Feeling it was time for a change of subject, he said, "You mentioned the other day, sir, that Jane's wedding had been postponed. Are there any plans for when it will take place?" 214

THE RULE OF REASON "None whatsoever, though I would venture to guess that a great deal of energy is being poured into that exact question at Longbourn. I myself can see no reason for a substantial delay beyond the original date, now that matters here are settled." Mr. Gardiner interjected, "I do not know that I would agree with that. It would seem to me that this affair of Lydia's will overshadow the wedding unless some time passes to remove it from the forefront of everyone's mind. Having their wedding but two weeks after Lydia and Wickham marry cannot help but add some scandal to the occasion, which Jane certainly does not deserve. No, I would suggest that a delay of two or three months at the least would be beneficial." "Your point is a good one," said Mr. Bennet thoughtfully. "What would you say to that, Mr. Darcy?" Thankful that his own wedding had been advanced rather than delayed, Darcy considered the question of why his opinion was being sought. "I am perhaps not the best person to ask," he said warily. "And why is that, Mr. Darcy?" said Mr. Bennet, clearly amused by the position in which he had maneuvered his son-in-law. "I have a great deal of fellow-feeling for my friend Bingley, and I myself would have been distressed by such a lengthy delay to my wedding. On the other hand, I can see why, after marrying off two daughters unexpectedly in little more than a fortnight, it might be more socially acceptable to wait." "If it were your sister being married, what would you do?" Mr. Bennet asked perceptively. Darcy did not answer immediately. "If it were my sister, she would wait," he said shortly, hoping fervently that Elizabeth would return soon to rescue him from her father. Mr. Bennet smiled. "You would not allow her to make the choice, then?" Darcy felt an unusual urge to prevaricate, but managed to master it. "No, sir, I would not." He could only imagine how this conversation would be relayed to Bingley, and thanked heaven that his friend was a forgiving sort. To his relief, Elizabeth finally returned, looking exasperated. "That was an exercise in frustration," she announced. "She still cannot see that she did anything inappropriate. I am glad she is being sent to Newcastle where she can no longer influence Kitty!" 215

A bi ga il Rey nolds "You need have no worries on that account, Lizzy," Mr. Bennet said dryly. "I have no intention of allowing her to return to Longbourn at all." "I think that is wise," she said. Mr. Bennet spotted another opportunity to needle Darcy. "Your husband has been telling us about your plans, Lizzy," he said with an innocent manner. Elizabeth turned to Darcy, her eyebrow raised. With a reassuring smile, he said, "In fact, I had been telling them that we have no set plans, although I do, now that I think on it, have a suggestion, if it meets with your approval, my love." He shot a look at Mr. Bennet. "And what would that be?" "I would propose that we travel to Hertfordshire in a few days, once our business is concluded here. We could then return to London to witness Lydia's wedding, and travel on to Pemberley until it is time to return for your sister's wedding to Bingley." "That seems reasonable enough," she allowed. "Or perhaps we could save Lizzy some travelling," Mr. Bennet said smoothly. "She could remain at Longbourn while you return to London, and then you could collect her on your way north." There were limits as to how far Darcy was willing to permit Mr. Bennet to go, even in the name of family harmony. "I think not," he said, rising to his feet. "Elizabeth will remain with me. But I suspect we should be finding our way home at this point, my love." Elizabeth's mouth twitched as she saw the battle before her. "As you say," she said, moving to kiss her father's cheek. She gave him a look that clearly stated that she doubted the authenticity of his attempts to improve his behaviour towards Darcy. When they reached the carriage, Darcy said thoughtfully, "Elizabeth, my love, would you mind terribly if we stayed at Netherfield while we are in Hertfordshire?" She smiled sympathetically. "Not in the slightest." The following day saw a flurry of activity as the inhabitants of the Darcy townhouse scattered to their various tasks. Darcy planned to meet with his attorney, while Georgiana, having garnered her brother's support on the necessity of a new wardrobe for Mrs. Darcy, took Elizabeth back to the modiste. While this was not particularly a pleasure for her, it at least distracted her from 216

THE RULE OF REASON the tasks at hand. It was also the first time she had been parted from Darcy for any length of time since their wedding, and Elizabeth discovered that she did not care for this in the slightest. When they returned to the house, they found Darcy already there, also less than pleased with their separation. Georgiana began to tell him of their day, and then, noticing how intently the two were gazing at one another, excused herself somewhat abruptly. She had no sooner departed the room than Elizabeth was in Darcy's arms, enjoying the exquisite sensation of completion that returning to a lover's embrace can bring. "Oh, William," she whispered against his chest. "I missed you so much." He caught her lips in an engaging kiss. "I think that I shall never allow you to leave my side again." He had found himself continually distracted by her absence, wondering what she was doing, and whether she was thinking of him. To hear her acknowledgment of missing him filled him with the contentment of knowing that he was loved by the woman he adored so completely. Now that he was holding her in his arms, however, he began finding her distracting in a completely different manner, and his hand began wandering down to the curve of her hips. It was not fair, thought Elizabeth, that he could affect her body with such ease. She fought against the urge to press herself against him. He pulled her closer to him as he deepened the kiss to taste the pleasures of her mouth. He could feel her response as her lips pressed against his, but her body failed to melt into his in the way he so loved. When he lifted his head for a moment, he asked, "Reluctant, my love?" Elizabeth, knowing that she could be all too tempted if she allowed herself to be, said, "Georgiana is here, William. You cannot simply carry me off to bed." He said an ungentlemanly word which, together with the irritated look on his face, produced a soft laugh from her. He nipped at her ear. "Are you laughing at me, my love?" he growled. She could not help the mischievous look on her face. "You are very amusing, after all," she murmured, her words cut off by a gasp as he began to assault her neck with light kisses which seemed to send currents of energy through her. "Let us see how long you can laugh then," he replied, moving his hands seductively over her hips while his lips drifted downward to her collarbone. 217

A bi ga il Rey nolds "William," she protested gently, finding it very difficult not to arch her body into his enticing touch as desire began to wend its way through her. She knew that they would have to stop soon, and it was not going to be easy. Nighttime seemed a very long time away. His lips continued to taste the tender skin of her shoulders. Her sharp indrawn breath did not go unnoticed by him, and with a smile of satisfaction he continued his tantalizing actions until the stiffness in her body vanished and she leaned her head to encourage his attentions. Gratified, he let his lips explore the sensitive hollow at the base of her neck, and this time when she said his name, it was a protest of a different sort entirely. Returning to her lips, he was delighted to find her hunger matching his own, and he lost himself in the pleasures of her kisses. When they finally pulled apart, she was breathless and clinging to his shoulders for support. She narrowed her eyes teasingly at the satisfied smile on his face. "You look very pleased with yourself, William," she accused him happily. He wrapped his arms around her. "I am very pleased with myself, my dearest, and I am very pleased with you, as well." She laughed and leaned into his embrace. She was beginning to gain some understanding of why his family considered him impulsive, she thought. "I did miss you today," she admitted. "I cannot say I am sorry to hear it, since you were hardly out of my thoughts all day," he replied. "I wish that we could return to Pemberley," she said somewhat dreamily. "There were not so many people bent on taking you away from me there." He leaned his cheek against her hair, still finding the experience of having Elizabeth express her affection for him to be a heady one. "My dearest love," he said, feeling his love for her to be greater than he could ever hope to express. "I would like nothing better than to have you completely to myself." They continued to murmur endearments for a brief while, which came to a close when Darcy told her that he had something to show her. After a last kiss, she left him free to fetch a paper from his desk. He handed her several closely written pages. "What is this?" she enquired. "It is a copy of the settlement I made on you while I was at my attorney's office today. I thought you might like to see it." 218

THE RULE OF REASON She gave him a grateful glance, knowing that he had no responsibility to share it with her, and that in showing it to her he was respecting her desire for involvement in decisions regarding her. She read through it carefully, noting the provisions for her future should she outlive him, and for any children they might have, and paused when she reached the section regarding her annual allowance. Without looking up, she said slowly, "This is very generous, William, but I am aware that I came to you without a dowry, and there is no need to settle this sort of money on me." He tipped her chin up so that she looked at him. "Elizabeth, this is an appropriate settlement for my wife, regardless of how you came to me, and I will not treat you like a poor relation. You will have significant expenses in maintaining the standards necessary for my wife." "I still believe that this is far too generous." "It is done already, my love," he said, not without pleasure. "You had best accustom yourself to it." She handed the papers back to him, and kissed him affectionately. "Well, I thank you, then, and I am glad you know that I did not marry you for your fortune." "Of that I am quite clear, my dearest." "And thank you for showing it to me; I do appreciate being involved." He looked rather more pleased by these thanks than her earlier ones. "I have one more thing for you as well," he said. "Am I required to guess what it is, or do I get a hint?" "How many kisses is a hint worth?" he asked mischievously. She put her arms around his neck and pulled his lips towards hers. "Kisses are free," she said, demonstrating her point. When she released him, he said, "In that case, I shall not require you to guess." He reached his hands behind her neck and unhooked the chain of the small garnet cross she customarily wore. From a box in his pocket he removed another necklace, this one an elegant pendant of pearls set in gold, obviously expensive yet simple enough for everyday wear, and replaced the other one by fixing it around her neck. She lifted it to examine it more closely. "Thank you, William," she said warmly. "It is lovely. But I hope you know that you need not buy me gifts; you are all that I need."

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A bi ga il Rey nolds He gathered her into his arms. "I enjoy buying you gifts, so you should accustom yourself to that as well." She laid her head upon his chest, hearing the reassuring sound of his heartbeat.

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Chapter 13

It was two days later that they finally made their way to Hertfordshire. Stopping first at Netherfield to unload the carriage and to refresh themselves, they arrived at Longbourn in time for dinner. To Elizabeth's amusement, Mrs. Bennet rushed out to meet them, holding out her hands to Elizabeth as she cried with excitement, "Mrs. Darcy! Mrs. Darcy! It sounds so well, does it not? Oh, Lizzy, it is so exciting! I must hear every detail, every one! I am so vexed that I could not be at your wedding; I see no reason for Mr. Bennet to have insisted on it being so soon! Good Lord! Mrs. Darcy! And my Lydia, to be married at only sixteen! It is too much; I shall go distracted!" After her effusions had died down, and they had received the more subdued congratulations of her sisters and Bingley, Elizabeth whispered to Darcy, "You must understand that her first goal in life since the day Jane was born has been to have a daughter married. The excitement may be too much for her." Elizabeth's fears for her mother's behaviour were somewhat overstated, since she was luckily still sufficiently in awe of her son-in-law that she ventured not to speak to him, unless it was in her power to offer him any attention, or mark her deference for his opinion. Her satisfaction with her father's conduct was somewhat less, as he resumed his habit of offering barbed comments in Darcy's direction. Bingley provided something of a buffer, but Elizabeth was nonetheless relieved when it was finally time to return to Netherfield.

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A bi ga il Rey nolds On their arrival, Darcy and Bingley began to discuss the events in London, as Bingley was eager to hear the details that Mr. Bennet had been reluctant to tell him. As they began to discuss the matter over a glass of port, Elizabeth, less than interested in hearing the story yet again, decided to retire early and await Darcy in their rooms. Their trunks had been unpacked in their absence, and one of the maids came to help her change into her nightwear. Afterwards, Elizabeth sat brushing out her hair with the silver-chased brush engraved with her new initials that Darcy had given her before their departure from London. She smiled at the memory; clearly he was deriving a good deal of pleasure from spoiling her with gifts. The night was still, and finding that she was quite warm, she removed her dressing gown and stood at the window for a few moments, enjoying the sensuous feeling of fresh air upon her face. With a smile, she thought of what Darcy would think were he to walk in at this moment, and she untied the first few ties of her nightgown, thinking pleasurably about his reaction. Darcy had told Wilkins he would not be needed tonight; he knew that the dressing rooms would not yet be set up, since they had not been expected, and he also knew that this night bore a certain importance to him. He paused at the top of the stairs before walking down the hall to their room, thinking of the many nights he had spent within it contemplating Elizabeth. In the autumn it had been with growing anxiety and irritation about her power over him, and earlier this summer, a very different man by then, his anxiety had turned from how she tempted him to how he would possibly manage if he failed to win her. But in common to both times was lying awake night after night wanting her, and imagining having her in his bed, dreaming of her, and waking to face the morning alone once more. Now, though, he would walk into that same room and she would be there in reality, in a reality finer than any he had imagined, since he could not have anticipated the caring and acceptance, not to mention the passion, that he had found in her. He felt a powerful surge of desire at the idea of her waiting for him, and thought of all the ways he planned to make those past imaginings and dreams into reality. He strode down the hall to their rooms purposefully, and felt warmth stealing over him already as he opened the door. She was standing by the open window, lit only by the candles in the room and the starlight from without, her delicate nightgown barely disguising the shape of her body. His mouth dried as he saw that it was already opened to 222

THE RULE OF REASON expose to his sight the pale skin below her neck. She turned to face him, the look on her face as old as Eve, and her eyes held his briefly. Without a word she approached him, seeming to glide through the darkness, and smiled enticingly as she reached up to untie his cravat. What natural instinct taught her to behave so like a dream, he wondered in bemusement, filled with a rush of fierce desire for her. Elizabeth had been aching to feel his body against hers since the moment he had appeared in the doorway, his face already flushed with passion as his eyes drank in the sight of her. The slight smile which appeared as much in his dark eyes as on his lips drew her to him like a moth to a flame, and as she saw the play of emotions upon his face, the familiar heat of excitement began sweeping through her, leaving her desiring and needing his touch. When she finally stepped into his arms, it was as if his body electrified her, so strongly did she feel every point of contact, and it made her feel vividly alive. She trailed light kisses along his neck, pleased to see how her behaviour augmented his desire. As he ran his hands sensuously down her back, she felt intensely affected by the sense of his body against hers. Darcy could not believe the passionate seductress in his arms. It was like a dream, and it needed no more words than a dream as he began to explore her face with kisses. She accepted his caresses with a sensual pleasure that was as overt as it was exciting to him as his mouth moved past her ears and down her neck to the tender hollow at its base. Vitally aroused by his feather light touches, Elizabeth knotted her fingers in his hair, wanting the pleasure only he could give her. "Elizabeth," he whispered, finally breaking the dream-like silence, "my beloved Elizabeth, I have dreamt of you so often in this room that it is hard to credit that you are here tonight in reality." She smiled softly as she led him towards the bed. "I am very real, my dearest, and I am yours, tonight and forever." Elizabeth was not regretful when the time came to return to London. Although she had enjoyed her time with Jane, the need to shield Darcy from the notice of those of her family whose vulgarity would be mortifying to him, not to mention the continuing hostilities with her father, had taken its toll on her. Leaving her former home caused little distress when she knew that she would be returning there in only two months' time for Jane's wedding. Although the 223

A bi ga il Rey nolds reason for their return to London was not a pleasant one, she was content being with Darcy. Georgiana was delighted to see them on their arrival in Brook Street; she had missed her new sister dearly, and was anxious to tell them both of her activities in town since they had left. Colonel Fitzwilliam was unexpectedly off to Newcastle again - "the better to keep an eye on Wickham when he arrives there," said Darcy darkly. Lydia's wedding was scheduled for the following day, and a note from Mr. Gardiner awaited them with the details of the arrangements. Elizabeth could practically see Darcy's mood deteriorating in front of her as the evening progressed, and was concerned as to the cause of it. Not wishing to raise the question in front of Georgiana, she bided her time until they retired for the night. When they finally went upstairs, Darcy stopped her before she entered her room. "Elizabeth," he said in a serious manner, "my disposition tonight is not pleasant. You might prefer your own company to mine." She looked at him gravely, troubled by his implication that he should perhaps keep his troubles to himself. Perhaps, she thought, he wishes some time to himself, and is seeking a courteous way to say that. She suspected, however, that it was his tendency to withdraw when he was troubled, and she certainly did not wish to set a precedent in that regard. She said slowly, "I think that I should prefer your company, regardless of your disposition, and would hope that my company might ease your spirits. You need not pretend to a cheer that you lack." She thought that he looked relieved, and he kissed her forehead lightly before going to his room. "I shall join you shortly, then, my love," he said. She smiled slightly, pleased that she seemed to have made the correct decision. After Lucy, her maid, had assisted her into her nightclothes, Elizabeth sat brushing out her hair as she wondered what might be troubling Darcy. It seemed an encouraging step that he did not attempt to hide his feelings from her; she could not expect their marriage to be always without difficulties, but it was important that they face them in concert. His knock came at the adjoining door, and she bade him enter. His expression was warm as she set down the brush and walked into his arms. He held her close to him, burying his face in her hair, letting the softness and the sweet scent of it soothe him. 224

THE RULE OF REASON As she felt him relax in her embrace, she tilted her head back to look up at him. "Can you tell me what is distressing you, my dearest?" she asked softly. He could see her concern, and felt warmed by it; warmed, and also pleased in other ways as well. He lowered his lips to hers in a lingering kiss. "Let me lose myself in you first, my beloved, and then, if you wish, we can speak further," he said. There are many forms of comfort, thought Elizabeth, and she was more than happy to provide relief in that form, responding as ever to the feeling of his body against hers and the pleasures of his kisses. She arched herself against him seductively, and was rewarded by an immediate response. Their lovemaking was sweet and tender, and when Elizabeth lay in his arms afterwards, she could sense that it had lightened his humour somewhat. She stroked his cheek affectionately, and he turned his face to her and gave a slight smile. "You do not intend to forget anything for a minute, do you, my love?" he asked lightly. "There is nothing that relates to you that I wish to forget," she responded in kind. "You have made it clear that when I am in distress, you wish to know about it; likewise, I would like to share in any troubles you face." "Trapped in my own net," he said affectionately. "Very well, my love, you may do your worst, though this is not so large a matter as you seem to believe. Rather, it is just that the prospect of seeing George Wickham tomorrow is an unpleasant one for me." "I can hardly fault you for that, William," she replied. "He knows my vulnerabilities so well," he said. "If it were only money, or even dishonor, that he sought, it would be less painful. But no, he understands how much more pain he can cause me by injuring those I love. I will not be able to look at him without seeing the hurt that he has dealt first to Georgiana, now to you. It is well-nigh unbearable." She nestled close to him. "I am so sorry -- I wish I could ease that pain for you. And, William..." she trailed off. "Yes, my love?" He tangled his fingers in her long curls. "Thank you for undertaking the mortification of dealing with him, for Lydia's sake." "Sweet Elizabeth, you hardly need thank me for remedying a situation that would not have existed but for me." "No," she said determinedly, "it exists because of Wickham's amorality, and if you play any role in it at all, it is because he knows that in a cause of 225

A bi ga il Rey nolds compassion and honour, you will be able to get the better of yourself and work for a solution with a man you despise. I am proud of you." He gathered her even closer to him. "My dearest love, you are very good to me, and I do not deserve such praise." She sat up abruptly and fixed a look of mock disapproval on her face. "Are you arguing with me, Mr. Darcy?" she said, in tones which would not have been out of place for Lady Catherine de Bourgh. She was pleased to see him laugh. "I would never dream of it, madam." "I am glad to hear it," she replied briskly. "Otherwise I should have to punish you." "And how, pray tell, would you accomplish that, Mrs. Darcy?" he inquired. She took advantage of her position over him to give him a very good sense of how she intended to punish him, running her hands lightly along the lines of his chest until she could see his response. With a wicked smile, she began to stroke and caress him in the ways she had discovered were arousing to him. He reached up and drew her down on top of him. "In that case, madam," he said, between tempting kisses, "I feel it only appropriate to warn you that I am feeling quite argumentative tonight." Elizabeth was pleased to discover that Darcy's frame of mind was substantially improved by the next morning; if not in particularly good spirits, he no longer appeared actively distressed, even when it came time to depart for St. Clements. They arrived there just before the hour to find Lydia fidgeting in her impatience for matters to proceed, and full of complaints about her stay in London. Mrs. Gardiner was clearly all too tempted to put in a few words of her own, but managed to restrain herself to briefly sharing with Elizabeth some of the frustrations of the past two weeks. She breathed a sigh of relief when they entered the church and found that Wickham was in fact there - her one fear had been that he would somehow fail to appear. He greeted them both in his most amiable manner, and Elizabeth was proud to see Darcy managing to be in general civil, despite an occasional rolling of the eyes. Fortunately, the ceremony began shortly thereafter. As Lydia came down the aisle on her uncle's arm, Elizabeth could not help thinking back to making the same journey herself, but the similarities between the two occasions ended there. Lydia's giggling and flirtatious glances 226

THE RULE OF REASON at Wickham contrasted with her own feelings of anxiety at the momentous step she had been taking, and seemed to make a mockery of what should have been a solemn occasion. While Wickham's demeanour was far more appropriate, she knew full well that it meant nothing to him but a source of income. The curate had little interest in the occasion, since Wickham lived in the parish but was not a church-goer, and he gabbled his way through the service as quickly as possible. At one point Elizabeth turned to Darcy and saw that his jaw had a grim set to it; with a feeling of mischief, she whispered to him, "Are you arguing with me again?" and was pleased to see the corners of his lips lift in a barely disguised smile. The service could not end quickly enough for Elizabeth, and afterwards she bore Lydia's company as well as she could manage while Darcy, Wickham, and Mr. Gardiner met with Darcy's attorney to finalize all the money matters. When they returned, Lydia and Wickham set forth on the coach to Longbourn after a few more foolish comments from the bride. "I cannot believe that your father permitted them to return to Longbourn, even for a brief visit," muttered Darcy darkly. "I could not agree more," said Elizabeth, "though were he not a poor match for my mother's persistence, Lydia would never have been allowed to go to Brighton in the first place, and we would not be in this situation." "But then we should not yet be married, and I would still be stealing kisses from you in dark corners. And I do not believe that I am in any position to criticize anyone for being persistent," he responded playfully. "But let us bid your aunt and uncle farewell; Georgiana will be expecting us home soon." They set forth again for Pemberley the following day. Elizabeth had remarked on the hurried pace they were setting, and Darcy explained that he was impatient to leave town before any of the ton discovered their presence there, which would require explanations he was not eager to provide. The travel was more unpleasant than their first trip owing to a sequence of rain, but in due time they arrived at Pemberley, and Elizabeth was pleased to discover how glad she was to see it again. On their arrival they were greeted by Mrs. Reynolds, who offered them congratulations upon their wedding with something of a sharp look at the Master of Pemberley. Elizabeth was grateful after the long trip to find that Mrs. Reynolds had not organized a formal reception for the new Mrs. Darcy by all the servants such as she had feared; the housekeeper explained that, given all of 227

A bi ga il Rey nolds their recent travel, she had thought to combine it with the necessary celebration for the Pemberley tenants. After a brief update on events at Pemberley during their absence, Darcy led Elizabeth into the parlour. With a smile he took her into his arms, and she happily laid her head upon his shoulder. "Welcome home, my love," he said, finding it hard to believe that at long last they were beginning their life together at Pemberley. He had dreamed of this for so long, and now he had finally brought her here as his wife - Elizabeth Darcy was at last at Pemberley in reality. He buried his lips in her soft hair as powerful feelings began to overtake him feelings of gratitude, of unworthiness, and of the most ardent love and adoration. She was his now, just as he had been hers for so very long; he would no longer need to part from her every evening and lie awake longing for her. Now he would finally see the sights he had imagined for so long - Elizabeth lying in his bed, her fine eyes dark with passion, and her body eager for his. Even the very thought of it caused feelings of passion to rise within him, and as he felt her soft body against his, he realized that there was nothing to stop him from making those dreams a reality at that very moment. It will be almost like a second wedding night, he thought, as he put his finger under her chin and tipped her face up to his so he could caress her warm lips lightly with his own. At the sight of her responding smile, he returned to gently deepen the kiss, tasting all the pleasures of his bride's mouth. She arched against him as he ran his hands along her curves hungrily. Not averse to his attentions, but somewhat amused by his actions coming so soon after the long trip that they had made, Elizabeth wound her arms around his neck to better take advantage of his breathtaking kisses. She wondered if she would ever become accustomed to the floods of desire he could produce in her. She was taken slightly by surprise when he released her, took her hand, and said, "Come with me, my love." With a smile, she let him lead her up the stairs and down the hall until they stood outside his bedchamber. For a moment she experienced a feeling of illicitness when he opened the door - on her last visit to Pemberley, she could never have so much as entered this room, and now he was guiding her in and closing the door behind them. She looked around the room and took in the dark, heavy furniture worn with the patina of generations of Darcys. Her heart began to pound with excitement at the sight of the big four-poster bed which dominated the room. She looked up at her husband only to find him already 228

THE RULE OF REASON untying his cravat and throwing it across a chair, all the while gazing at her intently. "Do you know how long I have waited to have you in this bed?" he asked, his voice a trifle hoarse. Her heart seemed to lurch at his words, the intensity of his desire for her apparent in every line of his body. She could feel her love for him as a physical reality as the urge to surrender herself to him rose. With a playful smile, she walked over to him and took over the job of unbuttoning his waistcoat. When she could insinuate her hands underneath it, she ran them slowly up his chest while looking into his eyes. "I am all yours, dearest William," she said. He crushed her to him as his mouth hungrily devoured hers, sending her into a realm of intoxicating sensation which was only intensified by the feeling of his hard body against hers. She could sense the depth of his arousal, and as she felt her need for him grow, she moaned, "Oh, William." She felt his hands reaching behind her for the fastenings of her gown and his struggle in disentangling the tiny buttons, and then she gasped as, with a sound of frustration, he took the fabric in both hands and pulled sharply until it gave way before him. As she looked up at him in surprise at his urgency, he said in a fervent voice, "You are mine, Elizabeth, now and for always." His words made her need for him rise in a rush of desire, and she melted into his arms as he began to push the remnants of her bodice off her shoulders. Elizabeth was surprised at how quickly she fell into a daily routine. During the first few weeks she worked closely with Mrs. Reynolds, learning about the management of the household, while Darcy caught up on estate matters that had been long delayed by his courtship of her. He seemed once again to have shed an invisible burden on reaching Pemberley, and she was grateful to see his smiles becoming more frequent and his demeanour more peaceful. The affection between them continued to grow, and if Elizabeth found herself something of a stranger to her new position and station in life, she was increasingly at home in her husband's company. She would still often find him watching her at unexpected times, much as he had throughout their acquaintance, but she now found that steady and intent gaze to be warming and reassuring, and her returning smile would often kindle a look which would bring her mind to their passionate nights together. Those very nights were one 229

A bi ga il Rey nolds of her great joys, a time when she felt particularly close to Darcy, and when she forgot how distant she was from her family and everything she had known. They made a brief journey to Hertfordshire for Jane's wedding, an event which Elizabeth eagerly anticipated as an opportunity to see her beloved sister again. In the absence of other family and friends, she had missed Jane even more than she had anticipated, and although Georgiana was becoming as dear to her as a sister, there were matters which she simply could not discuss with a girl five years her junior. They were greeted warmly both at Longbourn and Netherfield. Mr. Bennet commented more than once on how glad he was to see Elizabeth again, while Mrs. Bennet suffered fits of nerves over the upcoming wedding. It was a challenge for Elizabeth to snatch a few moments of time alone with Jane over the next few days, but as Jane was as eager for the opportunity as she, they were able to escape the demands on their time on occasion. Jane, longing to hear of her sister's life in Derbyshire, encouraged her to speak of it at some length. After being reassured of Elizabeth's happiness with Mr. Darcy, she turned the conversation to Elizabeth's experience as Mistress of Pemberley. "Dearest Jane, I cannot claim that it has always been easy, but yes, I have been quite happy, apart from missing you," said Elizabeth. "You have run into some difficulties then, Lizzy?" "Difficulties of a sort, certainly. I must admit that had I realized just how challenging running the household of a great estate was going to be for someone of my background, I would have had much greater reservations about taking it on!" "You would have refused Mr. Darcy to spare yourself the labour?" said Jane with an affectionately disbelieving look. Elizabeth smiled engagingly. "No, but I might have put up a little more of a struggle," she said with a wicked glint in her eyes. "I might have managed to hold him off for a few days longer than I did - I think anything beyond that would have been quite hopeless!" Jane laughed. "He was as determined as I have ever known a man to be, that much is certain! But tell me, Lizzy, is it so great a struggle?" Elizabeth sighed. "Not beyond reason, I suppose. The household management we learned at Longbourn does not approach the challenges of managing a household the size of Pemberley. I admit that I feel inadequate at times - not only do I not know what is needed, but I am often unaware of some oddity that everyone else seems to know in their bones. Once it was that wages 230

THE RULE OF REASON were unusually high because the sister of one of the parlourmaids had died in childbed, and the parlourmaid had to return to her family to assist them. Mr. Darcy of course continued her wages, but there were also those of a temporary replacement, and no one mentioned it to me because it was such common knowledge - except to me." "But surely no one could expect you to understand all of this at once!" "I know that no one expects perfection, but I would like to feel that I have some idea of what I am doing!" exclaimed Elizabeth. "I shall be counting on you for commiseration and advice, dearest Jane, once you are married - you at least will have the advantage of being well known at Netherfield and knowing all the local merchants as well - you will understand all this long before I will, I fear!" "Is there no one who can help you with these matters?" asked Jane with concern. "Who has been in charge of the household at Pemberley until now?" Elizabeth frowned. "That would be the housekeeper, Mrs. Reynolds. I had thought that she quite liked me when I first visited there, but after we returned, she seemed somehow colder to me. I suspect that she does not approve of our sudden marriage in London - I have wondered if she thinks that I entrapped Mr. Darcy in some manner. I sometimes feel the urge to tell her precisely which of us dragged the other into matrimony!" She sighed, then continued, "But I should not complain; she helps me whenever I ask, and without her I would understand none of it, and the household would not be running at all as smoothly as Mr. Darcy expects were it not for her." Jane said, "But if she liked you before, surely if she only understood your situation, she would not hold it against you, and you would feel easier with her. If her response to you is out of a misplaced sense of loyalty to Mr. Darcy, would it not make the most sense to find some way in which you could explain it to her?" "If Mr. Darcy had wanted her to know the circumstances of our wedding, he would have told her himself, so I must assume that he prefers that she remain unaware of it." "Dearest Lizzy, have you asked him about that? Perhaps if he knew your reasoning, he might feel differently." Elizabeth looked out the window impatiently, knowing that there was truth to what Jane said. "You are right, of course, Jane," she said resignedly. "I should speak with him. It is only that I do not want him to think that I cannot manage on my own." 231

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Please do speak to him, Lizzy!" urged Jane. "I cannot but imagine that he would want you to confide in him. It is so obvious that he thinks the world of you." Jane's words made her recall with a twinge what Mrs. Gardiner had once said about her inability to trust Darcy enough to share her fears with him. "I shall listen to your wisdom, dearest Jane," she teased. "I am glad that you have such faith in my husband." She brought the matter to his attention that very night during that intimate time after lovemaking when she felt closest to him. "I shall speak with her as soon as we return to Pemberley," he said immediately on hearing her concern. "She knows Wickham, and is well aware of what he is; I have no reason to object to her knowing why we married so quickly." "Thank you, William," she said, kissing him tenderly. "That would relieve my mind." He tangled his hand in her hair. "Of course, my love. May I ask why you have never mentioned this before?" She cast her eyes down. "I should have, I know that, but I kept hoping that the situation would resolve itself, and Mrs. Reynolds has never been anything other than courteous and helpful to me." "Elizabeth, I love you more than words can tell, and I want to share your worries and concerns. Please do not think that you should protect me from them," he said seriously. She nestled closer to him, grateful for the warmth of his arms around her. "You are indeed the very best of men, William, and I do not know what I should do without you." "Then let us strive never to find that out," he said with grave amusement as he kissed her gently. Darcy was as good as his word, and spoke with the housekeeper on their return to Pemberley. He later told Elizabeth, "She became quite incensed on your behalf, in fact, my love; she blamed Wickham for depriving you of the chance to marry from your home." Elizabeth laughed at the thought, and said, "So long as she does not consider it my fault, I shall be content." As she continued to go about her duties, it appeared that Mrs. Reynolds had indeed warmed to her; she began to volunteer information to Elizabeth which simplified her work considerably. This allowed Elizabeth to feel more 232

THE RULE OF REASON relaxed and content, and as she became more comfortable in her position, she felt more capable as well. She also was beginning to suspect, based on certain changes that she was noting, that her interests might need to turn in a different direction in the near future, and wondering and wishing on this subject occupied increasingly more of her time. The Gardiners' visit at Christmastime was an event that Elizabeth had eagerly anticipating; not only had she missed having family near her, but she had also been awaiting the opportunity to consult with her aunt regarding her state. There was no older and more experienced woman at Pemberley in whom Elizabeth felt able to confide or to turn to with questions about these matters, and she did not wish to share her hopes with Darcy when she was still in doubt as to whether they would come to fruition. Her eagerness in this matter was such that she raised the issue on the first occasion at which she found herself alone with her aunt. "There is something I wished to ask you about, aunt," she said, looking forward to the pleasure she knew that her possibilities would bring to Mrs. Gardiner. "And what is that, my dear? Or perhaps I might even venture to guess," Mrs. Gardiner said with a warm smile. She laughed, thinking that she ought to have known that her observant aunt would not miss such a thing, and had no doubt been already looking for it. "If you were to guess that my questions related to the matter of increasing my family, you would be correct," she replied. Her aunt's smile widened. "I suspected as much! You have a bit of that look about you, Lizzy," she said. "I am delighted for you." "I am not so certain of it as you seem to be, though," said Elizabeth with a touch of anxiety. "It is of that which I wished to inquire; I am not well informed as to the signs of such a state." Mrs. Gardiner appeared amused. "I should not be surprised, I suppose; your mother did tend to neglect certain portions of your education. Well, would you prefer to ask questions, or should I offer my view?" When Elizabeth indicated a preference for the latter, she continued, "There is no means to be certain until such a time as the babe quickens, and I believe that you would find that rather unmistakable. By your appearance, though, I expect that you may not yet be at that point. Earlier signs would include the absence of your monthlies and a certain level of fatigue, as well as enlargement and tenderness here," she said, gesturing. "There can be changes in the colour of your skin, and 233

A bi ga il Rey nolds you might find your appetite for certain foods altered. Another change," she added with a twinkling eye, " is what I found to be a surprising increase in sensibility." Elizabeth looked heavenward for a moment. "That I cannot deny. I am accustomed to feeling much more constant in spirits and independent than I have of late; it is not particularly pleasant!" "No, I did not find it so, either," replied Mrs. Gardiner. "I was quite relieved to recover my normal equanimity after my confinement. Do I take it, then, that you feel this may be the case?" She nodded slowly. "Nothing you have said argues against it." Her aunt leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Have you shared your suspicions with Mr. Darcy?" "Not as yet," Elizabeth admitted. "I have not felt secure enough in my opinion." "I imagine he will be quite pleased with the intelligence. But perhaps there are other questions that you would like to ask." She was eager to take advantage of the opportunity, and plied her aunt with many inquiries regarding what she might expect of the coming months. Elizabeth's excitement regarding her condition grew as the day wore on, and although initially she had been uncertain of whether to inform Darcy as yet, by that evening she felt that she could no longer rein in her anticipation, and looked forward to telling him her news that night when they were alone together. When at last he came to her that night, her animation was manifest. "You seem in very high spirits tonight, my love," he said fondly, as he took her into his arms. "Does the Gardiners' visit please you so much, then?" She smiled happily at him. "It does please me, but as it happens, William, there is something else on my mind that I would like to share with you." "And what might that be?" Looking up at him with an air of mischief, she said, "Although I cannot be completely certain yet, I believe that you may expect an heir to Pemberley to make an appearance in the not too distant future." There was a moment of silence where he appeared frozen with surprise, then he asked, "You are not certain of this?" 234

THE RULE OF REASON "I am fairly certain," she said with a smile. "I have suspected this for some time, and today I spoke with my aunt, who confirmed that I had reason for my suspicions." "You have suspected this for some time? Have you been ill?" he asked. "Hardly at all. I have felt a bit fatigued from time to time, but that is all." This was hardly the response to her news she had expected, but she had, after all, spent well over a month considering the possibility, while he had been taken quite by surprise, she reminded herself. "When is this event thought to occur?" "My aunt thinks perhaps in late May," she said. His arms tightened around her. "We shall have to take very good care of you," he said firmly. She laughed a bit breathlessly. "I have hardly been wandering about risking my life, William!" He was still for a moment, then said seriously, "Promise me, Elizabeth, that you will take care." She looked up at him provocatively as she ran her finger lightly down his cheek to his neck. "I promise, so long as you do not consider taking care to include a change in any of our more pleasurable customs, sir," she said playfully. He pulled her to him and kissed her with a passionate neediness reminiscent of his response to her during their courtship. Happily she surrendered herself up to the pleasure of his touch. The following morning he said nothing of the matter, but she could see that it was on his mind. Knowing that his disposition was not one that expressed itself in an overflowing of emotion, and that it would take time for him to adjust to this new notion, she did not press him, allowing him to consider it in his own way. The presence of the Gardiner family occupied much of her time in any case, and she delighted in sharing Pemberley with her young nieces and nephews. Mr. Gardiner's look left no doubt of his good information, and he and his wife watched her high spirits with understanding. That night she again broached the subject with Darcy. He, looking solemn, told her that he would prefer to wait until she was certain before allowing himself a response to the situation; she nodded understandingly, thinking how like her husband it was to worry that hopes might be in vain. Her spirits were not to be repressed, though, and she resolved not to allow his seriousness to affect her; but she was not surprised that Darcy remained 235

A bi ga il Rey nolds somewhat quieter than usual, a condition that she attributed in part to the presence of their guests, and to the need for restraint of their accustomed tendency to affectionate behaviour throughout the house. The day on which she was finally able to inform him that she was certain of her condition she anticipated a stronger reaction than she had received previously. He did kiss her tenderly and held her in his arms, but he said very little. Suddenly uncertain, she asked, "Are you not pleased, William?" His face softened hearing her hesitant tone, and he responded, "Of course I am pleased, my love. How could I not be? It makes me look to the future in a .... new way, and I find that this makes me rather more serious than joyous - I fear that I am being difficult again!" She rested her head on his shoulders, reassured. "You are not being difficult, dearest. Thank you for explaining yourself, though." She wished that she understood his reaction more clearly, but he had evidently said all that he intended to on the subject. Dearest Jane, Thank you, thank you for your last letter - it is so good to receive the news of home, and to hear of your pleasure in the company of your dear husband. Our aunt and uncle departed Pemberley only a few days past, an event which I felt more keenly than I expected; it seems that this is a time that I crave my family around me. I am affected unreasonably easily by almost anything these days, and you would be quite astonished to see your lively and independent sister moved to tears by the sight of a flock of birds or a lovely sunset! Had my aunt Gardiner not warned me of this, I should fear I had completely lost my equanimity. -- Oh, dearest Jane, how I wish that I could share each of these days with you! Netherfield seems so very far away, as if it had receded to the shores of the Indies. -- I had hoped that my dear Darcy would return to his accustomed liveliness following the departure of our guests, but it seems that the impending state of fatherhood affects him by bringing out a greater solemnity. It seems that I am to learn new sides of him every day. - Our earlier resolve to spend our first year at Pemberley, avoiding the Season in London, now seems even wiser than before; I confess that I am very grateful that I do not have to travel beyond the nearby towns. Elizabeth paused in her writing, chewing the tip of her quill, an old childhood habit which she had thought long conquered. She was uncertain as to how much she should reveal to Jane of her current somewhat agitated state. 236

THE RULE OF REASON Darcy's recent quietness had affected her strongly, even though she knew that the strength of her reaction must be the result of the increased sensibility of her condition. She reminded herself dozens of times a day that he still told her frequently of his love for her, still kissed and caressed her at every opportunity, and was attentive to her every need; it made no difference. She still found herself feeling as if matters were not quite right, as if he were in some way unhappy with her. You have absolutely no evidence of anything of the sort! she told herself sternly once again. She abhorred feeling such a deep need for his affection and approval. She knew that it was causing her to be less likely to speak her mind with him; she feared distressing him in any way, or doing anything which might increase his withdrawal from her. There is NO withdrawal! she snapped silently, furious with her inability to keep faith in her husband's love for her. It is all in your imagination! When he is ready, he will talk about whatever is concerning him, if anything is. You can do nothing but be supportive and be ready to listen. She shook her head, deciding that she would finish her letter later, when her mind was not so disturbed with worries. Replacing the quill in its stand, she resolved to go in search of Darcy. In the past he had often joined her in the sitting room when she was working or writing letters, content to merely be in her presence, but recently he felt that estate business was sufficiently pressing that he should work in his study where there were fewer distractions. That does not mean that I cannot join him! she thought, with a new energy. Perhaps he was feeling the need for reassurance of her affection as well. She found him, as expected, behind his desk. She walked behind him and kissed his cheek, and he smiled up at her. "This is an unexpected pleasure, my love," he said. "I was missing you," she said, her voice lighter than her feelings. "And I am always delighted to see you," said Darcy. "I have been reviewing matters, my love, and I have come to the conclusion that we should spend the winter in London after all. I have made arrangements for us to go next week; we will travel in easy stages, naturally." Her initial impulse was to protest his making the decision without speaking with her first, but her recent caution led her to restrain herself. "Is there a reason for the change of plans?" she asked. He shuffled some papers on his desk. "There are business matters I need to attend to there, and we can begin to introduce you to society. I would prefer to have the access to medical care that can be found there, as well." 237

A bi ga il Rey nolds "William, there is a perfectly competent midwife here, and I can hardly go about in the ton in my current condition!" "There are excellent doctors in London, and I would like you to have the best of care." She drew a deep breath. "I do not wish to be attended by a doctor. I would prefer a midwife." His face darkened. "The London doctors are highly trained." "William, I will not be attended by a man during my confinement!" "Elizabeth, you have not even considered the possibility. There are many advantages, and I plan to insist on you having the finest of care, and that is only available in London." "But, William...." "We are going to London, Elizabeth," he said, irritation evident in his voice. She subsided, not without resentment, but recognizing that this was not the time to discuss the matter further. She would raise it again when he was calmer. However, no matter how she broached it over the following days, he remained adamant. After an internal struggle, Elizabeth, accepting that the business in London was obviously important and must come before their comfort, acquiesced. She was somewhat surprised that he planned for Georgiana to remain at Pemberley, and suggested that she might enjoy the shops and theatres in town, but Darcy felt Georgiana would be better in the country and Elizabeth finally ceased in her attempts to persuade him otherwise. She still would not agree to a doctor, however; her modesty forbade it, and she had wanted the native experience which only another woman could provide, an objection which he brushed aside. She refused to concede on this, however, and it remained an object of contention. The journey to London went well enough. She experienced no unusual discomfort, apart from Darcy's continual questioning of her health and comfort, which persisted until she wished she could ask why they had not remained at Pemberley if her comfort was of such importance. Since he did not wish to press the pace, they spent several nights on the road, and by the time they reached London, Elizabeth's patience was at an end. That night, after he had come to her, and while they lay in one another's arms, she finally broached the subject with him. "William, what is the matter? You have not been yourself of late." 238

THE RULE OF REASON She felt him stiffen slightly. "Nothing is wrong, my love. I have been a bit concerned about business, but it is nothing serious." She determined to press on. "I feel as if we are becoming distant from one another, and I certainly would not wish it." He kissed her forehead. "We are certainly not distant now, are we, my love?" She could think of nothing further to say. He continued to speak to her in endearments which soothed her to some extent, but after a few minutes he left the bed and bid her goodnight. Her heart sank. "Will you not stay with me?" she asked, hoping she did not sound as desperate as she felt. He sat beside her on the bed and kissed her gently. "You need your rest now, my love. I plan to sleep in my own room until after your confinement, as I do not wish to disturb you." "But I sleep best when you are by me!" "This way you will be able to sleep as much as you need." Elizabeth could hardly believe what she was hearing. She could not help but feel it as a rejection, but she would not beg, and so she quietly said goodnight. Feeling sick at heart, she struggled to understand the cause for the distance between them, and why he no longer seemed interested in taking her views into account. She could make no sense of it, though; she felt as if she no longer knew him, but a small voice inside told her that, in fact, she did. This was the man she had first met over a year ago at the Meryton assembly. She could hardly bear the thought, and instead forced herself to consider whether there was anything that she could do which would make him feel more comfortable and content, so that he could become the man she had married again. The next morning at breakfast, she told him that if it was important to him, she was willing to have a doctor attend to her. The warm smile that came to his face made her feel that her decision had been the correct one, and he thanked her for her consideration of his opinion. She had high hopes that matters would improve, but that night he again left her, and she was forced to recognize that she had surrendered the last piece of her independence in a bid to keep his affection, and even that had not been enough. As the days went by, she hardly knew what to make of him. He would seem affectionate during the day, constantly checking as to her health; whether she was sufficiently warm, whether she was eating well, and though he still came 239

A bi ga il Rey nolds to her each night, he was somehow distant. Further attempts to discuss the change with him met with complete denial. She found it was becoming difficult for her to respond to his attentions at night as the distance between them grew. A letter came from Bingley and Jane, inviting them for a visit at Netherfield. Elizabeth seized upon the idea with relief, thinking that the change would do them good. Darcy felt that his business could not be left, but encouraged her to go; and in a moment of resentment she agreed to it. Later, as she thought on it, she decided that it was perhaps not a poor idea to take some time away from him to try to reestablish herself; but it was hard to accept that they would be separated for the first time since their marriage. The wrenching pain she felt when she left Brook Street for Hertfordshire was hardly a surprise, and it stayed with her for most of her journey. Once she arrived at Netherfield, however, she was kept quite busy with visiting her family, and the many friends who called to see her. She decided not to worry Jane with her concerns about Darcy, from whom she received frequent and affectionate letters, and by the end of her stay, she had managed to convince herself that the changes they had experienced were merely the normal ones for a marriage once the first bloom wears off, and that it was only her condition which made her so emotional about it. On her return journey she was longing to see him and to feel his arms around her. Although she had been away only three weeks, those weeks had made a visible difference in her state. Not only was the baby making himself felt on a regular basis, but her shape could no longer have any hope of being disguised. She hoped that he would be pleased with this evidence that everything was going well. His warmth on her arrival was all she could have hoped for. He came out the door when the carriage drove up, and she tumbled ungracefully into his arms. He drew her inside immediately where he could hold her hands and kiss her repeatedly, and it felt so right to be with him again. "I missed you so much, William," she whispered, near tears with pleasure and relief. "The house has been empty without you, my love," he responded warmly. "I have been counting the days until your return. How was your journey?" She followed him into the sitting room. "It was well enough; I was not uncomfortable."

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THE RULE OF REASON "I am glad," he said, his eyes tender. He drew her into his arms and buried his face in her hair, but stiffened as the change in her body became apparent. She looked up at him as he pulled away. "I have made good progress, as you can see." "So I see! You must have been taking very good care of yourself. I appreciate that." She smiled wryly, knowing that she had merely behaved in her usual manner in Hertfordshire, not subject to the constant attention to every detail of her health as she was under his watchful eye. If it made him happy to assure himself constantly of her comfort, though, she was willing to tolerate the inconvenience. "I took no risks," she said truthfully. He cupped her cheek in his hand. "Thank you, my dearest, loveliest Elizabeth." She reached up to kiss him. "You are most welcome, sir. Now, you must tell me of everything you have done during my absence!" Elizabeth's relief at the absence of the tension which had troubled her was great, and she was more lively than she had been in some time. During dinner she animatedly gave him all the news from Hertfordshire, and reported on the Bingleys' wedded bliss. He listened with a smile on his face, pausing to pose a question from time to time. She felt her love for him welling up, and knew that it must show on her face. She was eagerly anticipating the night; she had missed their time together while she had been away. He asked her to play for him after dinner, and they spent a happy hour together as he turned the pages of her music while she played, and stole kisses between songs. Finally, with a provocative smile, she said, "It has been a long day, dearest; I think that I am ready to retire." A strange look came over his face. "I will bid you goodnight then," he said. "I have some work that needs to be finished before tomorrow." Elizabeth was stunned. He had always come to her at night, and they had been apart for three weeks. Surely he could not mean.... she thought, but all too obviously he did mean it. She felt pain deep inside her, and could think of no response. Her look clearly spoke for her, since he said gently, "The doctor has said that it is not wise now, Elizabeth." "I have never heard of such a thing!" replied Elizabeth, all her prejudices about doctors and women who were increasing returning. "I cannot believe that it is unsafe - no one believes such a thing!" 241

A bi ga il Rey nolds Darcy took her hand in his. "I am no happier about this than you are, my love, but your health must come first," he said, at which point she ruined the pleasure of their reunion by sweeping out of the room angrily. Darcy saluted his opponent with his foil and walked to the side of the fencing hall. He grimaced, wiping the sweat from his brow as he watched the instructor approach him. That the match had not gone well was apparent. "Mr. Darcy, fencing is an exercise for both the body and the mind. It matters not how fine your arm or the strength of your attack if there is no planning, no restraint, no strategy. There was no cause to press your attack so strongly, and it only harmed you by leading you to open your guard." Darcy nodded briefly. He had not required feedback such as this since his early days at university, and he did not in fact need it now; he knew full well where his errors lay. It was useless advice, in any case. In order to put my mind into my fencing, he thought darkly, it would first be necessary for my mind to be functioning, and it barely meets that criteria these days. "Another match, sir?" He closed his eyes, then nodded again. "In a few minutes," he said. He had not yet worked himself into a sufficiently exhausted state to go home, although no amount of exercise could be sufficient to give him a full night of dreamless sleep. His name was called a short time later. Once again, he saluted a new opponent, and then began a grimly determined dance of swordplay. At least the bouts were sufficiently engaging to keep his mind off Elizabeth for a few brief minutes. Elizabeth, he thought, his heart wrenching. He cursed as he realized that his momentary distraction had allowed his opponent to score an easy touch. His shirt was completely soaked through by the end of the match. He refused further competition brusquely, choosing instead to change into clean clothes for the journey home. His thoughts refused to be silenced, though. He had thought that the time after Elizabeth's rejection of him had been the worst that life had to offer him, but he was reconsidering that conclusion now. Having to go home each night and face her, knowing that for her sake he must disguise his feelings, was agonizing. The balm of her affection could lend a brief solace, but even that occurred less and less often as her condition continued to sap her strength. Sometimes he could even pretend that nothing had changed, but never for long. 242

THE RULE OF REASON He decided to walk back to Brook Street to delay the inevitable. En route he worked to clear his mind of as much turmoil as possible so that he could meet her with some degree of equanimity. On reaching the townhouse, he went immediately to the sitting room to greet Elizabeth, bracing himself before he walked in and kissed her cheek. She asked him politely about his afternoon, and offered a recounting of her own activities of the day, but he was hardly listening; he could feel only the pain that lanced through him at the sight of her.

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Chapter 14

Elizabeth bided her time until the doctor's next visit to her, at which time she asked him if it was truly necessary for her to abstain from her marital duties. He gave her a questioning look. "Of course not, Mrs. Darcy; you must do your duty to your husband as you always have." She hardly knew what to make of this. Finally she said, "Mr. Darcy seems under the impression that you feel it would be dangerous." The doctor shrugged. "I have no idea where he may have come upon that idea; certainly I have never said anything of the sort to him." Elizabeth mechanically thanked him when he came to the end of the visit, and after his departure sent Lucy, who had been present as a chaperone, away with orders that she was not to be disturbed. The pain inside her was so great she felt barely able to breathe, and she hardly knew how she would survive it. The shock was too great for tears at first, as she considered that William, who abhorred any form of disguise, had directly been untruthful to her in an attempt to avoid her bed. Finally she was overtaken with wracking sobs which could not be quelled as she faced the knowledge she had been denying -- that he obviously regretted their marriage and had tired of her. No doubt that was why they were in London, as well; he had far more interests to keep him busy here, and it removed Georgiana from Elizabeth's influence as well. 244

THE RULE OF REASON She wondered dully if he had taken a mistress while she had been away, which might explain his complete disinterest in her. She could not believe that she was having these thoughts of William, who had loved her so passionately and deeply a year ago, and was now indifferent. She wished fiercely that he had never returned to Hertfordshire, never made her care for him, never won her trust. She had known better - she had known not to believe that anyone could truly change so greatly, but she had allowed him to convince her, and now she would have to pay the price for her gullibility. She had no idea how she made it through the next few days. She avoided seeing him except at mealtimes, and since he had taken to spending his days at his club while she was away, this was not difficult. When they were together she allowed her numbness to protect her, and she referred to him as Mr. Darcy and pretended to herself that he was a casual acquaintance. She took long walks through the park, trying to admire the spring flowers that were appearing, but unable to enjoy them. Lucy was of the opinion that she was ill, and checked on her frequently. The housekeeper had the cook prepare special treats to tempt her appetite. Darcy seemed not to notice any change. One day the advent of a cold rain brought an untimely end to Elizabeth's walk, and she returned home where Lucy promptly set her in a hot bath lest she take a chill. Afterwards, she dressed herself warmly, so that Darcy could not accuse her of failing to take care in that regard, and looked out the window at the dreary weather with a sigh. She could think of nothing that had any appeal for her; she knew that the redoubtable Mrs. Adams had matters in the household well in hand, and that there was no distraction to be had there. She thought with regret of her days at Longbourn where at least she had some tasks which could fill some of her hours, as well as the companionship of her sisters. Finally, with a sigh, she decided that she might as well read as not, and descended to the library in search of a book. Despite the wide choice, she found herself dissatisfied with option after option, finally choosing a new volume of poems by Cowper. She felt disinclined to remain in the library; the room reminded her too much of William for her comfort. Swallowing hard, she retreated to the sitting room and settled in her favorite chair near the fire. She looked at the contents of the book. "To Delia - On Her Endeavouring to Conceal Her Grief at Parting" - no, love poetry was the last thing she wished to read at this point, especially sad love poetry. "The Poplar 245

A bi ga il Rey nolds Field" - that held more promise; natural beauty was safer, and much missed by her during these months in London. She opened to the poem and read: The poplars are felled, farewell to the shade And the whispering sound of the cool colonnade: The winds play no longer and sing in the leaves, Nor Ouse on his bosom their image receives. Twelve years have elapsed since I first took a view Of my favourite field, and the bank where they grew, And now in the grass behold they are laid, And the tree is my seat that once lent me a shade. The blackbird has fled to another retreat Where the hazels afford him a screen from the heat; And the scene where his melody charmed me before Resounds with his sweet-flowing ditty no more. My fugitive years are all hasting away, And I must ere long lie as lowly as they, With a turf on my breast and a stone at my head, Ere another such grove shall arise in its stead. 'Tis a sight to engage me, if anything can, To muse on the perishing pleasures of man; Short-lived as we are, our enjoyments, I see, Have a still shorter date, and die sooner than we. She read the last verse twice, a lump in her throat. She certainly knew which of her enjoyments had died sooner than she. Sending up a hopeless prayer that she would find her way past this pain to acceptance soon, she reached for her handkerchief as the tears that had been threatening all day began to fall. She carefully closed the book and put it aside, lest his property be damaged by a falling tear. Covering her face, she sobbed, trying not to make a sound. How long she sat crying she did not know, but she was roused from her misery when she felt her hand taken between two strong ones. She lowered her handkerchief in a brief moment of hope, soon to be shattered when she saw that it was Colonel Fitzwilliam kneeling beside her. She turned her face away in bitter disappointment. "Elizabeth, whatever is the matter?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

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THE RULE OF REASON She swallowed hard. "It is nothing, sir. I was reading a very sad poem, and I fear that I am quite overly emotional at present. Pray do not give it a second thought." He looked at her closely, his face grave. "I do not think that I believe you, madam. But if you will not allow me to share your burden, may I fetch your husband?" "No!" she cried, then, realizing that she might have given away the source of her distress, said more calmly. "No, it is not worth disturbing him. Please, it is nothing of any significance." "I recall having a discussion very much like this with your husband once," he said lightly. "Unfortunately, I think he would disapprove if I used the same technique to encourage your confidence that I did with him." "And what was that, sir?" she asked, trying to match his tone. He lowered his voice confidentially. "I got him drunk. It worked like a charm." She laughed despite herself. "That must have been quite a sight!" "Indeed it was. That, in fact, was the first time I discovered his feelings about you." Her smile faded at his words, and she bit her lip. He added, "Please, will you allow me to be of assistance to you? I am not so blind as to have missed the fact that you have been unhappy of late, and I will keep anything you say in confidence." She burst into tears again, his kindness more than she could bear. When she was able to regain sufficient composure, she said shakily, "I love my husband very much." He smiled. "That is hardly a secret, madam, nor worthy of tears." She knew that she should say nothing, but she felt so desperately alone that she could not help herself. "I love him, and he has tired of me already, and regrets marrying me." "How can you say such a thing?" he asked in astonishment. "I have never seen a man more violently in love than Darcy with you!" She raised her chin. "Once, perhaps, that was true - no longer, though." "I cannot believe it!" "Believe what you will, but I assure you that he has lost all interest in me; it is not a matter on which I could be mistaken," she said softly. "Perhaps something else is on his mind, some worry or preoccupation," he suggested. 247

A bi ga il Rey nolds "It is not a worry that makes him spend all his days at his club, nor makes him send Georgiana away from my influence, nor keeps us in London when we should be at Pemberley. He regrets his choice, and he is too honorable to say so, but he has made it clear that he does not want me at Pemberley, not even when I bear its heir." "Have you asked to go to Pemberley?" "I have begged. I thought it might be better there; he is more relaxed and happy there, but he is adamant that we stay here," she said with a sob. "This simply makes no sense to me," he argued. "I have seen no evidence of anything of the kind!" "Of course not; as I said, he is too honorable to blame me in any way, or expose me to any ridicule. In that much he is kind. Hopefully, he will not have to tolerate this situation much longer." His eyes filled with worry. "What do you mean?" She smiled sadly as she shared with him the thoughts which had preoccupied her over the past days. "You may tell him this, if you like; it would no doubt reassure him. If this child is a son, I will ask for a separate household for myself; something small and simple. If not, I will have to hope that the next one will be a boy. I am mindful of my duty to produce an heir for Pemberley, but I see no reason for either of us to continue to suffer after that." She burst into tears again, and he put his arm around her in comfort. "I am sure there is some explanation that you have missed. Can you not speak with him about this?" he urged. She shook her head, but availed herself of the comfort of his shoulder as she continued to cry. Colonel Fitzwilliam patted her arm in an effort to calm her. "Very touching, both of you." Darcy's voice was edged with ice. "I'll thank you to take your hands off my wife, Fitzwilliam." Colonel Fitzwilliam rose to his feet, ignoring the message in his voice. "Darcy, I am glad that you are here. You and your wife need to have a little talk. Desperately, I should say. I shall leave you to it." He gave a sympathetic look to Elizabeth before departing. Elizabeth slowly raised her tear-filled eyes to her husband. The cold anger in his gaze devastated her; how could this be the same man who, only a few short months ago, spoke to her such heated words of love, and could not sate himself sufficiently on her body? Had he demanded her very heart and soul only to abandon them by the roadside when he grew tired of her? 248

THE RULE OF REASON "Well, madam?" he asked coolly. She raised an eyebrow. "Well, Mr. Darcy?" "What seems to be the difficulty?" She stood. "I do not ask you to change that which cannot be changed, but pray do not pretend that you have no understanding of this." She stepped past him into the hall, but was stopped by his hand, which gripped her arm tightly. "I do not accuse you of encouraging him, Elizabeth," he said, his voice grating. "But I do not want him near you." She turned to stare at him in outrage. "How dare you try to make this about me, or even about your cousin! I am not the one who has altered, sir!" She shook his hand off and hurried upstairs to her rooms, where she threw herself on her bed and sobbed until finally her sleepless nights caught up to her, and she slept. Colonel Fitzwilliam appeared at the door of Darcy's study shortly thereafter. Darcy looked up at him briefly, and said, "Fitzwilliam, I want you out of my house," before turning back to his work. His cousin, beginning to have sympathy for Elizabeth's position, strode forward. "Darcy, I am going to make allowances for you, since you are clearly quite out of your mind. What in h-ll is happening that I walk in on your wife, who is in tears because she thinks you have tired of her, and no longer love her? What is wrong, man?" "She knows that is not true. Now get out," he said, his voice indicating that the subject was closed. "Unfortunately, she seems to know nothing of the kind. Can you not speak with her? For God's sake, man, she is carrying your heir, and deserves respect for that, if nothing else!" Darcy uncoiled himself smoothly to his feet and leaned forward, his hands on his desk. "Do you think I forget that for a single second, day or night? I assure you, I am very well aware of the risks, more aware than you can possibly imagine." "The risks? You are making no sense. The risk is the pain that you are causing your wife, and of that you seem completely unaware!" Darcy's voice became dangerously quiet. "You cannot fool me with distractions, Fitzwilliam. I may not have her for long, but she is still my wife, and I do not want you near her. Now, will you leave of your own accord, or shall I have the servants throw you out?" 249

A bi ga il Rey nolds Colonel Fitzwilliam stared at him in angry bafflement. "I have no intention of staying with a madman, Darcy. When you regain your sanity, I will be happy to speak with you further." Turning on his heel with military precision, he left. Tersely informing the footman to send his belongings to his brother's house, he took his overcoat and stepped out into the cold London rain. As he strode along angrily, he ran through the conversation again and again in his head, trying to make any sense of Darcy's words. Darcy could be ridiculously possessive, but surely even he could not truly believe that his own cousin and lifelong friend would have designs on his wife! His wife whom he was ignoring, according to Elizabeth, who at least made a certain degree of sense even if her problem seemed beyond credibility. He was soaked through and chilled by the time he reached Marbury House, but his concern was such that he went directly to the one person who he felt had any chance of resolving this crisis. Lady Matlock looked up to see her dripping son. "Richard, it is lovely to see you, but would you not be more comfortable in drier attire?" she asked. "At the moment, madam, it would take more than that to make me comfortable," he said, throwing himself into an armchair. "I need your help, mother." Her face indicated a slight, well-bred surprise. "It is yours, of course, Richard, although I cannot recall your asking for my help since that unfortunate affair of the General's daughter. I hope this is not of the same nature." He rolled his eyes. "That was years ago! No, this is for Darcy, not for me." "And what does William need?" "He needs his sanity back! He just accused me of trying to seduce his wife, who, as you know, is in a very delicate condition. And if that were not mad enough, he seems to be of the opinion that Elizabeth is going to leave him for some reason, yet says nothing is wrong, while Elizabeth is off sobbing her pretty eyes out because she says that he does not love her anymore. And he still never takes his eyes off her, so that makes no sense either!" he said with deep frustration. "Richard, dear, you are making no sense," she replied calmly. "Now, take a deep breath, dear, and tell me calmly everything that has happened. I am sure there is some logical explanation." She listened closely as he related the events of the afternoon to her in as much detail as he could recall. 250

THE RULE OF REASON She was silent for a few minutes after he had finished his recitation, and he knew her look well enough to know that she was already calculating a course of action. Heaven knew that he had cursed her ability to manipulate events to her liking often enough in the past, but at a time like this, it could be a godsend. She said slowly, "Now, did he actually say that he thought she was leaving him?" He struggled to remember Darcy's exact words. "No, it was more along the lines that he did not have much time left with her." "Ah," she said in a voice that indicated that it was all becoming clear to her. "Did he explain what this 'risk' that concerned him was?" "No, he was speaking of me, I assume, and frankly, it made me so angry I could barely see straight!" "Richard, I assure you, I think this has nothing whatsoever to do with you. You were right to bring this to me. I will talk to Mrs. Darcy myself - it is certainly too late today, but in the morning I shall call on her." Colonel Fitzwilliam scowled, and with the irritation of a much younger man said, "Is it too much to ask for at least the slightest hint of what is going on?" She patted his hand reassuringly. "If I am correct, William is worrying himself about that lovely wife of his, and doing an abysmal job of showing it. He can be made to see reason, have no fear." Elizabeth did not come down to dinner that night. She hoped that Darcy would come to her, at least to ask after her health, but he did not appear, and by the time she gave up on him late that night, she had lost all hope for the situation. Her maid had informed her of Colonel Fitzwilliam's precipitate departure, and guilt over the altercation between the cousins was added to the burdens she was already carrying. She could see no course but to try to avoid contact with Darcy; it only left her more in pain. If she did not join him at breakfast, he would likely be gone to his club before she came downstairs; that would leave only dinner when they must be together, and with enough preparation, she hoped that she would be able to maintain her composure for that brief period of time. Her plan for avoiding Darcy worked admirably in the morning, though afterwards she found herself of mixed mind about it. She could not decide whether it was worse to see his indifference or not to see him at all. She had only just finished a light breakfast - she had no appetite for it, but as ever was dutiful 251

A bi ga il Rey nolds about her state of health - when the footman announced the arrival of Lady Matlock. Elizabeth could not recall a visit from Lady Matlock before; though she and Darcy had entertained his aunt and uncle at dinner on several occasions since their arrival in London, there had been no morning calls. Clearly Philips felt it unusual enough that he had not informed Lady Matlock, as he did all other callers, that Mrs. Darcy was not at home. Elizabeth rose to greet her, welcoming her to their home; once they had seated themselves and had exchanged the usual pleasantries, she apologized for Darcy's absence. "Well, I am sorry to have missed him, but in truth it was more you that I came to see, dear," said Lady Matlock. "I wanted to see how you are doing one simply cannot rely upon the reports of men regarding these matters, and I know that your family is not nearby. But you look quite well, I must say." "My health has been excellent, thank you," Elizabeth said with complete truth. "I am fortunate in being of a strong constitution, and Mr. Darcy has been most diligent in making certain that I take the very best care of myself." "I would imagine he would be very diligent in that regard," said Lady Matlock with a light laugh, "though I must say that he is very high on the list of men whose reports I would not trust! He takes such a negative view of these things, which is, I suppose, understandable enough, though I imagine it must become very tiresome for you, dear." "Actually, he says very little on the subject," said Elizabeth, adding to herself, nor on any other. She tried to halt her thoughts - certainly Darcy would not thank her if his aunt were to learn of their difficulties. "I do not imagine that he gives it much thought." "Now that comes as a surprise to me, although I suppose it should teach me that one never really knows about people," said Lady Matlock conversationally. "I would have guessed that he would be in an absolute panic either that, or completely withdrawn, which is almost the same thing for William, as I am sure you know - but obviously I could not be more wrong. I am so glad to hear that he has moved past those fears; they did so dominate his younger years that I feared that they would stay with him for life. Marriage has clearly settled him a great deal." If she could not have Darcy's affection, it was at least some comfort to be able to speak of him. "I cannot even imagine Mr. Darcy in a panic! It seems quite against his nature," she said. 252

THE RULE OF REASON "Well, dear, had you known him when he was younger, that would have been quite different. I remember when Georgiana was so ill with the measles when she was young - he was quite disconsolate, and completely unable to consider that she might recover. Of course, that was no doubt related to his experience with his mother, you know." "With his mother? I am not sure of what you refer," said Elizabeth. "Oh, when she was in such a condition," Lady Matlock gesticulated in Elizabeth's direction, "he worried terribly. He knew perfectly that the doctors had told his parents that another child would be too much of a risk, and before Georgiana's birth, he would scarcely leave her side. She was terribly, terribly ill afterwards, too, and we did not expect she would live, but somehow she did pull through, though she never got her strength back again. And the next time, as well, it was almost as if he knew what was to happen - he would listen to no reassurance. Of course, when his fears proved to be accurate, he was devastated; he and Anne had been so close." She shook her head sadly. "I am so glad to hear that he is not worrying about you in the same way. It would be very foolish on his part, of course, but he always has tended to have his feelings lead his reason on matters that are important to him. But you know this as well as I; you are very patient to listen to me ramble on!" "Not at all; Mr. Darcy is one of my favourite topics of conversation, Lady Matlock." "Indeed, it is obvious how devoted to each other you are," she replied. "I wish William would bring dear Georgiana back to town - I would dearly love to see her." Elizabeth mechanically followed this subject of conversation, and was more relieved than regretful when Lady Matlock announced that it was time for her to depart. She sat in stunned silence once she was alone, trying to make sense of what she had been told. It was obvious that Lady Matlock was giving her a message, but as to why.... It must have something to do with Colonel Fitzwilliam, she thought. He must have said something to her. But was there any truth behind her words? Could fear in fact be the basis for Darcy's withdrawal from her? It seemed ridiculous on the surface, but she did know well from experience that trepidation did tend to make him become more reserved and distant. But could even he take it to the extreme of failing to treat her as his wife, to the extent of lying to her to avoid her bed? 253

A bi ga il Rey nolds She could not credit it; her own thoughts, that he had tired of her simply made more sense. Certainly she was not at her most attractive at the moment, and that would have been enough, were he already losing interest. A small voice inside her would not have it so, though; the voice that said William was the most loyal of men in his affections for everyone he cared for, and that he had taken his feelings for her to extremes in the past. She recalled Georgiana's description of his withdrawal into himself after Hunsford, and how Georgiana had blamed herself for it, since he gave no clue as to the cause of it. No, as ridiculous as the idea seemed at first glance, it was, in fact, the more likely explanation in William's case. She did not know whether to feel relieved or infuriated. That he might still care was a possibility too painful to consider; that he should have allowed matters to develop to the current outcome without any attention to her feelings, any interest in the change of her behavior toward him as she had become more submissive, far less lively, and increasingly disinterested in him and in everything else - it strained her credibility. He has no right! she thought in pain. . Her agitation was such that she paced the room in an effort to quell her anger and distress. When Darcy returned from his club, Elizabeth had been contemplating the matter for hours, and was more than ready to bring it into the open. He stopped by the sitting room, as was his custom to greet her before retiring to the study, but instead of her usual compliance, she said determinedly, "William, I would like to speak with you for a few minutes, if you would not object." It felt as if it had been months since she had called him by his name. He obediently, if unenthusiastically, seated himself across from her to await her pleasure. She had decided that the only way to break through his reserve would be direct confrontation, since he had never been skilled at disguising his feelings. "William, I would like to know your expectations for my condition," she said sharply. He looked taken aback by her question. "My expectations?" Apparently she had not been direct enough. "Yes. You seem to feel for some reason that I am at risk with this child, and I would like to know why." She could see immediately that she had hit a target; he swallowed hard and raked his hand through his hair before his face froze again. "It is always a risky business, and I would be a fool to have no concerns," he said coldly. 254

THE RULE OF REASON "And I am young, healthy, and strong, and my mother had five babies in six years with less trouble than a bitch whelping puppies, and you would be a fool to spend more than an occasional thought on the risks to me!" "Elizabeth, none of those things are guarantees ...." "Life has no guarantees!" she interrupted furiously. "I could catch a fever tomorrow and be dead before the week is out! London is certainly more dangerous than Pemberley, and you brought me here! This risk is not anything so great as you have made it out to be." He stared at her in steely silence. "And this, I take it, is the reason you have decided to close me out of your life." Her voice dripped ice. "Rather than face those fears, you choose to behave as if I were already dead, regardless of the consequences to me." "That is an unfair exaggeration, Elizabeth, though I confess that I have found it easier to keep to myself more. It was for your own protection, since I did not wish to cause you any additional anxiety, should I slip so far as to demonstrate my concern." Her voice shaking with anger, she said, "You did not wish to cause me any additional anxiety? I have never known a more selfish person! Do you have no idea what you have put me through these last weeks with your withdrawal and your indifference? Instead of worrying about my health, you should be worrying about whether I can ever forgive you for this, because I have my doubts!" The shocked look on his face did nothing to lessen her temper, and she turned away before she said anything worse. "Elizabeth, my intention was not to worry you," he said stiffly. "I never was worried about my health!" she said furiously. "I have worried that you regretted our marriage, that you had tired of me, that you did not want Georgiana subject to my influence, that I had lost everything that I cared about in you - had you wanted to avoid worrying me, you would have spoken with me about it, instead of hiding it like a coward! But no, you were worried that I might discover that you had some feelings, and heaven forbid that the proud Mr. Darcy have any weaknesses! Well, sir, now you do have something real to worry about!" Tears were beginning to find their way down her cheeks, and, not wanting to lose her composure completely in his presence, she ran out of the room and did not stop until she reached her own rooms. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, struggling to keep her breathing regular. I am not going to continue to cry about him, she vowed silently. I have shed tears enough to float the French navy, and I refuse to continue. A numb calm settled over her as she began to contemplate her next step. 255

A bi ga il Rey nolds She could not go downstairs again today, that was certain. She would ask Lucy to bring her dinner in her room again. With a sigh, she thought that she would be happy never to see this room again, between the memories of the lost happier times and the current pain of the times she had hidden here from him. If only she could have some time away from all of this... perhaps that was the answer, she thought. I could go to Netherfield again, or even Longbourn, for a visit. It would be easier for us both if we do not have to see one another. A sharp pain ran through her at the thought. She did not dare to begin to consider whether there might be a possibility for eventual reconciliation; the thought was excruciating. Decisively she rang for Lucy, and asked to have her trunk fetched. When she returned, followed by the footmen who placed the trunk by the end of her bed, the maid asked diffidently, "Will we be travelling, then, madam?" Elizabeth did not yet feel equal to answering questions, and said only, "I shall be doing so. Thank you, Lucy, that will be all." "Yes, madam. Should I ready any clothes for the trip?" she asked in confusion as to why the mistress would want the trunk but not wish for it to be packed. "No, I shall handle it," said Elizabeth, more sharply than she had intended. She needed the activity, and it was not as if she had never packed for herself before. Elizabeth Bennet had never had the luxury of her own maid, and Elizabeth Darcy could do without one as well. Once Lucy had left, she turned her attention to the matter of what to take with her. She chose several simple, warm dresses suitable for her condition, leaving the elegant and expensive gowns aside. Plain shifts, ordinary shoes and boots - she would take nothing that Elizabeth Bennet would not have worn, she decided. She needed no extra reminders of this life; she carried one inside her at every moment. She brought out her old toiletries which she had saved for sentimental value and added those, leaving behind the silver-chased brush engraved with her initials which Darcy had given her. She paused briefly over her jewelry, trying to decide on what was most appropriate. Almost all of it had been gifts from Darcy - she recalled how he had loved to bring her presents for no occasion at all. Hesitantly, she removed the pearl pendant he had given her just after their marriage, and placed it carefully in the jewelry box. She looked through it until she found the garnet cross which her father had given her for her sixteenth birthday. Donning that in the place of the other, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and it was almost - apart 256

THE RULE OF REASON from the tear-stains- like a vision from her past. Biting her lip, she looked down at her hands. Her wedding band would never leave her hand, of course, but she stripped off the Darcy sapphire-and-diamond engagement ring and placed it, for the first time, in the box before carefully shutting it. She was standing still, her eyes closed, pain lancing through her, when a knock came at the adjoining door. She felt a moment of panic, wondering if she should hide what she had been doing, but then realized with resignation that she would need to tell him in the morning before she left in any case. "Yes?" she said wearily. The door opened, and Darcy entered, his face white. With a glance around the room, he took in the open trunk. "Are you planning a journey, Elizabeth?" he asked abruptly. "I thought that I would return to Netherfield for a visit," she said in as neutral a voice as she could manage. "I would prefer it if you did not," he said stiffly. "I wish to leave London, but if you prefer that I go to Longbourn or even Pemberley rather than Netherfield, I would have no objection," she replied, determined to give as little cause for disagreement as possible. He looked at her, his face frozen. "Pemberley is your home." His aloofness was more than she could bear. "I do not believe at the moment that I have a home." Darcy flinched as if she had hit him, and Elizabeth felt a twinge of remorse. Despite her anger and pain, she did not wish to hurt him; she needed only to protect herself from him. She vowed to curb her impulsive tongue. He approached her and touched the cross at her neck lightly, and Elizabeth had to school herself not to respond. "Where is the pendant I gave you?" he asked. Her mouth was dry. "It is in the jewelry box," she said. He took the cross in his hand, and gripped it so tightly that she knew it must be biting into his hand. "Dear God, what have I done?" His words seemed directed not so much at her as at himself. "Elizabeth, the last thing I ever intended was to hurt you. I love you more than I know how to tell you!" he said. "I have told you every day how much I care, have I not? Have I not been attentive?" She closed her eyes, unable to look at him. "And if I were the one to deny you my bed, to avoid spending time in your company, to refuse to tell you what troubled me - would you not be hurt? Would you believe me when I said I cared?" 257

A bi ga il Rey nolds There was a silence, and she felt him release her necklace so that it lay once more against her skin, still warm from the touch of his hand. "I would be devastated," he said woodenly. Suddenly the words began to rush out of him. "I know that I do not deserve your forgiveness, but please, Elizabeth, I beg you, allow me another chance. If you wish to leave London, we can go to Pemberley, but for God's sake, Elizabeth, please do not leave me!" The pain is too great, thought Elizabeth. I cannot bear to be hurt like this again. She could not trust herself to answer, and was not even certain what her answer should be. She felt him take her hands in his. "Please, will you not at least look at me, my love?" His voice shook as he spoke. The familiar endearment that she had not heard in so long brought immediate tears to her eyes as she opened them to look at him. She bit her lip in an attempt to stop them, but the tears only flowed the faster. The depth of the pain she saw in his face gave her to believe for the first time that perhaps he did still care for her in some way, but she found that hope to be more agonizing than reassuring. The desolation evidenced in her face was more than he could bear, and wordlessly he gathered her into his arms and held her as she cried, his face pressed against her hair as he harshly castigated himself for causing her such pain. Finally he said, "I know that I have not been myself of late, Elizabeth, but it does not mean that my feelings for you have changed in the slightest. I am sorry, more than sorry, that my behaviour should have led you to believe otherwise." "I cannot comprehend you at all, William," she said tearfully. "You say you are worried that something might happen to me, but then you avoid me. You say that you love me, but you will not come near me." "Elizabeth, I..." he trailed off. "I cannot explain it, but I do love you, and yes, I am afraid that I will lose you, and it terrifies me." He struggled to force the words out. "But you did not trust me enough to tell me what was troubling you, even when I asked," she said. "I could tell almost as soon as I told you of the baby that you wished it were not so. It nearly broke my heart that you did not want our child." "But I do, and that is the worst of it, and why I have been so angry with myself - because I do want a child who is ours, a child to grow up at Pemberley with us, and because I wanted that, and wanted my pleasure of your body, I 258

THE RULE OF REASON deliberately risked your life for what I selfishly wanted, just like my father did - I am no better than he. After promising myself all these years that I would never allow anyone I loved to be hurt like that, I discovered that I am the world's worst hypocrite - oh, Elizabeth, how I have hated myself for this." His body was so tense that she could feel him shake. "I do not understand. What did your father do?" "He knew that the doctors said that she should never have another child. He knew that it could kill her, and he took that risk, not once, but twice, even after she nearly died when Georgiana was born! If he had only left her be, she would still be alive." Light began to dawn for Elizabeth. "You think that your father was to blame for your mother's death?" she asked. "Yes, what else could I think?" he said bitterly. "Yet you have told me that he was devoted to her, and desolate after her death." "It was his fault, and he knew it." "William," she said with great gentleness, "has it never occurred to you that those pregnancies may have happened by accident, or that your mother might have chosen of her own accord to take that risk?" "No, she would never have done that - she knew that I needed her, and later Georgiana. And accidents can be prevented." "By complete abstinence only, and do you believe that you could commit to never sharing my bed again for the rest of your life? Even to avoid that risk?" "I am well aware of my failings in that regard, Elizabeth!" "You have no failings in that regard, William! Your failure is in holding your parents to an impossible standard, and failing to realize that they may have had needs and desires of their own, and that the only cause of your mother's death was ill-luck!" "I appreciate what you are attempting to do, but you do not understand," he said. Elizabeth caught his face between her hands and looked into his eyes. Enunciating her words very carefully, she said firmly, "William, I do understand, and you are wrong." He stared at her, and she met his gaze determinedly. "You are quite out of your right mind on this subject," she continued. "This is nonsensical, unreasonable, and irrational. You would have it 259

A bi ga il Rey nolds so that no one could ever consummate a marriage, and no children ever be born! It is the most ridiculous.... William, are you listening to me?" she demanded. "Yes, you think that I am quite insane and a complete idiot," he said, his tone unreadable. "Good! I am glad you were paying attention!" she said. Pulling his face down to hers, she kissed him fiercely. "Do you always kiss madmen and idiots?" "Only ones I love," she said softly. "Elizabeth," he whispered, his voice shaking "Oh, dear God, Elizabeth." He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. She could tolerate his fear if he only turned to her with it. "William, I know that this is difficult for you, but we need to face it together. Please do not pull away from me; I cannot bear it." He shook his head fiercely, inarticulately, never raising his face from her hair. "You will talk to me?" she asked gently. He nodded wordlessly, and Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Will you tell me that you care?" "Dear God, Elizabeth, I love you more than life itself! How can you doubt it - if I could take this risk on myself, I would do it in a second." She gripped his shoulders and shook him lightly. "William, there is no risk, or none to speak of! Pay attention!" "I am sorry, my love," he whispered. "I am paying attention, but you tell me one thing, and my heart tells me another. I am going to need a great deal of reassurance, I fear." "You may have all the reassurance you need, dearest, and more besides." Their eyes caught, and it became clear to Elizabeth that more than one kind of reassurance would be needed. She would not turn to that so quickly, though, not with so much yet unresolved, and instead she said, "And I shall need reassurance, too. My faith in you has been shaken, and it will not be simple to restore, I fear." He became very still. For a moment she wished that she could take her words back, but then she reminded herself that they were true, and needed to be acknowledged. Finally he said in a flat voice, "I suppose that I deserve that. I will do my best, and hope that it is good enough." "William, you lied to me! That was the one thing I never expected of you. It had crossed my mind that you might tire of me, or that you might 260

THE RULE OF REASON return to your old ways, but it never occurred to me that you would be less than truthful with me. I asked the doctor - you lied to me in order to avoid my bed!" His complexion was ashen. "You are right - that was unforgivable of me. I can offer no excuse." The stabbing pain returned full force. What was she to believe, then that he said he loved her, or the acknowledgement that he did not want to be with her? She had thought she had seen desire in his face earlier, but had she been merely finding what she wished to see? Was the truth simply that he did not want her to leave, and had said all of these things simply in an effort to placate her into being a good, obedient wife once again? She searched his face for some clue, but it was unreadable. "Well, then," she said in a determinedly calm voice. "I imagine that we would do best to readdress these issues after the child is born." "What do you mean?" Fear had crept into his voice again. "Clearly you find me less than appealing in this state. I do not mean to complain nor to condemn, but in the future I would prefer honesty." "Christ in heaven, Elizabeth! Where did that idea come from? Have I not made it clear that I love you, that I need you, and God knows I want you!" His frustration with her was evident in his voice. She turned her face away. She had been as clear and direct as she could, and she could not pretend that his actions did not speak more loudly than his words. There was a moment of silence, then he reached over and turned her face back so that she looked at him. His voice was gentle as he said, "You need reassurance about that? I cannot begin to imagine why, my love, but I can think of nothing simpler to provide, nor anything that would make me happier." Very slowly he bent his head towards hers and captured her mouth in a kiss which began gently; but as he tried to deepen it, rapidly transformed itself into an explosive outpouring of his desperate need for her and the fear of losing her that had been tormenting him. Her response was no less urgent, as she sought consolation for her pain in the excitement he stirred in her. His thought had been to show her his desire in a loving and tender manner, but no sooner had he touched her than his urgent need for the comfort of her body overtook his every intention. He drew her to him, feeling her response as he drank deep of the pleasures of her mouth. The intensity of his desire evoked a powerful response in Elizabeth, both through her natural response to his touch, as well as in the reassurance it gave her regarding his 261

A bi ga il Rey nolds feelings for her. Her body was crying out for his, and she had no patience for prolonged pleasures when she needed his love so badly. She trembled as he ran his hands down her back, and he pressed his mouth against the sensitive skin of her neck. The evidence of her desire took away the last modicum of restraint he possessed, and he said with a degree of desperation, "Elizabeth, my love, please forgive me, but I cannot wait!" She melted into his arms as his hands began to deal with the fastenings of her gown.

262

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Chapter 15

"Sweet Christ, how I love you, Elizabeth," he murmured to her afterwards, holding her close as she lay by his side, her head pillowed on his shoulder. She smoothed his hair affectionately. "I am not altogether certain that I approve of the amount of swearing you are indulging in at present, William," she said teasingly. He kissed her. "You drive me to it, my love." His face sobered suddenly, and he added, "And it is nothing compared to what you may hear if you do not reassure me about your feelings quite soon!" She laughed. "William, I adore you, as you know perfectly well." "That does not mean that I do not need to hear it, especially on a day such as this." She turned his face towards hers and looked into his eyes. "William, my love for you is beyond words, and the idea of life without your love was a misery such as I had never before contemplated. I need you by my side, in my arms, and in my heart. Is that sufficient reassurance?" "It is a good beginning," he acknowledged, then added warmly, "I hope you are feeling reassured that my passion for you is undiminished, my love." She stroked her hand along the muscles of his chest. "Yes," she said slowly, "but I still do not understand why you have been refusing me if you wanted me." 263

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Is that not obvious?" he asked, resting his hand on her enlarged abdomen. "It was not for lack of desire - far from it! - but because I could no longer pretend that this was not happening, nor could I hope to defend myself from my feelings when I was in your arms." She looked at him in surprise. Such a convoluted explanation would never have occurred to her. The child within her chose that moment to make his presence felt, and Darcy snatched away his hand as if burnt. Elizabeth could not help laughing at the startled look on his face. "Nothing is wrong, William. He is only kicking, and I assure you, he does it quite regularly!" He stared at her abdomen in slightly horrified fascination. "Does it bother him, do you think, if I touch you like that?" he asked. Elizabeth rolled her eyes. It had never crossed her mind that her husband could possibly be so ignorant of the process of reproduction. With a smile, she took his hand and curled it into a fist, then knocked it against her swollen stomach. "Hard as a rock, dearest," she said lightly. "He is well protected in there!" Cautiously he returned his hand to rest on her abdomen, glancing at her as if for permission. "You think it is a boy, then?" he asked. Elizabeth laughed. "I have no idea whatsoever, love, but I must call him something!" "Well, I would prefer a girl," he said definitely. "A girl with her mother's eyes." "Not an heir to Pemberley?" she teased, well pleased by his positive interest. "Next time," he said, then slapped his forehead vehemently. "I cannot believe that I said that! Believe me, I never want to go through this again!" "My poor love," said Elizabeth with amused sympathy. "I am afraid you may need to learn to accept it, since I have no intention of allowing you to neglect my bed." He buried his face in her curls. "Then I shall need a very, very great amount of reassurance!" he exclaimed. "My love, I do not know how you tolerate me when I cause such difficulties for you." She ran her hand down to his hip mischievously. "You have some compensating features, my dearest." "Oh, Elizabeth," he said, his voice showing his continued anxiety. He entwined his fingers with hers, adding, "I need you so very much!" It came to him gradually that something felt wrong to him, but it was not until he looked 264

THE RULE OF REASON at her hand that he realized what it was. "Elizabeth," he said, his voice taut, "where is your ring?" "It is in the jewelry box," she said softly, not wishing to break their fragile truce. "I can fetch it." "Christ have mercy!" He had not until that moment realized the degree of seriousness with which Elizabeth had believed that he did not care for her. "Good God, Elizabeth, how could you?" The agony in his voice was palpable. Despite their reconciliation, she was not yet prepared to fully relinquish her position; she found it hard to credit that he had been completely unaware of her unhappiness. "William," she said as gently as she could manage, "I thought you had taken a mistress. I thought that you regretted having married me, and that you were ashamed of me." He was stunned by her words. "You thought I had taken a mistress?" he said in astonishment. "How could you think that?" "What else was I to think, when you had apparently lost interest in me all of a sudden?" she said evenly. "Elizabeth, I would never...and I have never regretted marrying you even for so much as a second." "William, I have never been so miserable in my life as these last weeks, and you were apparently oblivious to it. Even Colonel Fitzwilliam noticed it! How am I to believe that you were unaware of my distress?" The words which came tumbling out of her showed her that she was still further than she wished from forgiveness. "You used to notice immediately if I were the least out of spirits!" "I knew that you felt ill..." he said, and seeing the look on her face, quickly corrected himself. "I knew that you were out of sorts, and I assumed that it was the illness of your condition." A thought crossed his mind, and he placed his hand across his eyes. "What is it?" He did not want to embarrass himself, and was tempted not to reply, but he had some suspicion of how she might interpret that. "Richard. I have been an unforgivable idiot to him as well." Elizabeth forced herself to keep her silence; this part was none of her affair, and he clearly realized the gravity of the error he had made. "He even told me, and I did not believe him." He had failed them both grievously. 265

A bi ga il Rey nolds She could see him withdrawing into himself, leaving her with a feeling of illness and abandonment. "Stop it!" she said abruptly. "William, whatever you are doing, whatever you are thinking, stop it!" "What do you wish me to stop?" he asked tiredly. "You are coming to some ridiculous conclusion, and you are pulling away from me again!" "Elizabeth, you thought I was having an affair, and that I regretted marrying you, and you say that I am coming to ridiculous conclusions? I have failed - failed badly-two of the people I care about most, and that is hardly ridiculous!" Darcy snapped. She looked at him, his irritation taking her by surprise. His anger was felt even worse than his withdrawal - how could he blame her for this situation? His bitter tone was more than she could bear; she could no longer have faith that healing the breach between them would be so simple. They were fighting again; the truce had lasted only minutes, and her hopes had been false ones again. The pain was the worse for the hope lost, and she knew that she was only moments away from tears. She extracted herself from his embrace, lying slightly apart from him, staring up at the canopy. "Elizabeth, please accept my apologies," he said, his voice indicating remorse. "I should not have spoken so; it was not acceptable in any way." Distraught beyond the point of being capable of believing in any regrets, Elizabeth began to sob, and turned away from him, burying her face in the pillow. She could not bear his proximity when they were so far apart in spirit. "Please go, William," she whispered brokenly between her sobs. He was silent, though he did not move. It was several minutes before he put his hand on her back and said firmly, "No, my love, I will not go; I will never leave you again." What little control remained to Elizabeth snapped at his words, and her sobs became convulsive. Darcy gathered her unresisting body to him, and held her tightly as she cried, stroking her hair and murmuring apologies and endearments. Her sense of devastation and hopelessness warred with her desire for his comfort, leaving her all the more wretched, and her weeping continued unabated until she reached a point of complete exhaustion. "Love, I am going to fetch you a handkerchief, and will return immediately," said Darcy, as though to a fractious child. He dried her eyes tenderly, sprinkling her face with gentle kisses as he did so, and tucked the 266

THE RULE OF REASON bedclothes tightly around them. He had the good sense not to attempt a discussion, and instead simply held her to him. Elizabeth could barely connect her thoughts, but knew she must say something. "William," she began, then stopped, unsure of what to say. "Shh, love, just rest," he said. "We can talk later. I am here, and I am not leaving, and I love you very dearly. We will work past this, my love, and I shall never hide from you again." She wanted nothing more than to accept his words, and never think on it again. She closed her eyes, and allowed his rhythmic stroking of her hair to relax her until she finally drifted into a sleep of exhaustion. Darcy, hearing her even breathing, allowed his mind to wander. He had not realized until she had turned away from him how desperately unsure of him she was; it was hard for him to believe that she needed reassurance on matters that were as certain to him as the sun rising in the east, but at that moment when he felt her rejection, he understood what she must be feeling. He had been a heedless fool not to pay closer attention to her words. She had told him quite clearly what she needed, that she needed to feel him close to her, that she required reassurance of his love and devotion, and he intended to give her just that. She had frightened him, and he knew that there was nothing in his world that was as important to him as her happiness and well-being, and whatever it took to obtain those, he would provide. He could only hope that it would be enough to allow him to earn her forgiveness and someday to regain her trust. When Elizabeth at last roused herself to find that she was still in his arms, she was half-afraid to open her eyes for fear of finding it was a dream. He had felt the change in her, however, and responded with a gentle kiss to her forehead. Automatically, she lifted her lips to his, receiving a warm and undemanding kiss which felt like manna in the wilderness. "My love," he said, "you mean more than the world to me, and I am going to tell you so until you tire of hearing my voice." Hearing the resolution in his voice, she found herself able to smile at him. "Then I hope that you do not have much planned for the near future, for I shall not tire of it soon." "I have very little planned apart from being by your side; you shall find it difficult to be free of me." "I have no desire to be free of you, William," she said softly. His sigh of relief at her statement told her more than any words ever could just how unsure he was of her forgiveness. 267

A bi ga il Rey nolds He tightened his arms around her. "I thank God for that, although heaven knows that I do not deserve it. I wish there were any apology within my power that could make up for my neglect of you." She kissed his shoulder lightly. "I do not need apologies; all I need is to be certain that in the future you will tell me what is troubling you instead of hiding from me." "My love, I will do my utmost, and if you ever feel that I am failing in that regard, all you need do is remind me of this time," he said, then added with a grimace, "Having caused you this degree of pain will not be a forgettable experience, I assure you." "My poor sweet William!" He closed his eyes, comforted by the affection in her voice. "Only promise me one thing, Elizabeth: that you will not leave me," he said, his voice slightly ragged. Tears pricked at her eyes at the pain she heard in his tone. "I will not leave you," she said. A thought crossed her mind. "I am curious, though; how did you discover my plans?" He flushed slightly. "Wilkins told me, or rather, he asked me if he should pack my trunks, knowing full well that would cause me to question him until he had passed on the information he felt I should have. Sometimes he is altogether too good at managing me." "Wilkins? How did he know?" Darcy laughed softly. "I assume that someone told him; Lucy, perhaps? They are no doubt waiting anxiously outside to discover the outcome of their meddling." "William," she said tentatively, with an abrupt change of subject, "could we return to Pemberley?" "We can go wherever you wish, my love," he reassured her. "Thank you," she said with a touch of weariness. "I would prefer that." "We can depart as soon as you like, though I would appreciate it if you could allow me a day to make my peace with Richard." "I believe that I can manage to wait that long," she said teasingly. "I may just sleep between now and then anyway; I have a good deal of rest to catch up on." Darcy looked concerned for a moment, then said, "Elizabeth, you have not yet had your dinner! I will not have you missing meals, my love." 268

THE RULE OF REASON She gave him a resigned look. "I fear that you are going to be fussing over me constantly!" "You may depend upon it," he said definitely. "Very well, I shall eat my dinner before I go to sleep again," she said with a smile. "With me," he prompted. She reached to kiss him. "With you, my dearest." His satisfaction was evident. Extricating himself from her arms, he fetched his dressing robe and pulled it around himself before ringing for a servant. Lucy's extremely prompt arrival suggested that there had been some truth to his earlier theory. "Mrs. Darcy needs her dinner," he said. She flashed a bright smile as she bobbed a curtsey with a quick "Yes, sir." Once she had left, he turned a serious look to Elizabeth. "Yes, William?" she asked. "Your ring, Elizabeth." Shaking her head in amusement, she pulled on her own dressing gown and crossed to her jewelry box. As she withdrew the ring, she felt a brief echo of the agony she had felt when she had placed it there. She was about to return it to her finger when Darcy took it from her hand. Looking up at him in surprise, she met an intent look in his dark eyes as he slid it into its place. "Keep it there," he said somewhat roughly. She put her arms around him. "You need have no fears of that." "Dearest Elizabeth, as you know, I am full of fears on your behalf." She raised her lips to his before beginning what she could tell was going to be a long series of reassurances. "I love you with all my heart, and I am not in any danger." "Oh, God, Elizabeth," he said fervently, pulling her close to him. "I hope and pray not." Elizabeth nestled in against him as well as she could given her current figure. She could tell that it was going to seem a long time until this baby entered the world, but she was ready to do whatever was required to ensure Darcy's continued confidence. Elizabeth luxuriated in the sensation of waking in her husband's arms the following morning with the feeling that she was awakening at long last from a nightmare. Her awareness of Darcy's warm chest rising and falling slowly beneath her head seemed a treasure beyond price. She could not imagine how 269

A bi ga il Rey nolds she could have survived without this; he had become such a part of her that she felt incomplete without him. She felt the infant within her move, and her eyes began to fill with tears of gratitude that Darcy had returned to her. It seemed as if she were releasing the tension of the past weeks of misery as she cried silently in his arms like a prisoner granted an unexpected reprieve. Darcy stirred slowly, then, recognizing the nature of the dampness on his chest, and fearing a return of the previous day's sorrows, said urgently, "Elizabeth, what is the matter? Please tell me, my love." "Nothing is wrong, William," she said tearfully. "It is only that I am so grateful to have you back." He gathered her close to him, again struck by the depth of her fears. "I am yours, my dearest, loveliest Elizabeth, and I shall never let you go," he said in a voice filled with meaning. "Oh, William," she whispered. "I love you so much." Such words could not go unattended, and he captured her lips with his in a kiss which showed the depth of his devotion. "You are the only woman in the world for me," he said. A trace of a mischievous smile began to show itself on her face. "I hope you have not told Georgiana that," she teased, running a finger down his chest as he gazed into her eyes. "You are a wicked woman, Elizabeth," he informed her sagely as he captured her hand, carrying it to his mouth where he proceeded to nibble on her fingertips. He watched the look on her face as he teased her fingers with his tongue, and smiled with satisfaction as he saw her eyes darken. Abandoning her hand to pay his respects directly to her lips, he whispered, "I want to make you mine again." She felt the exquisite sensations of his touch all throughout her as her passions began to rise. "Oh, yes, my dearest," she said, her body speaking for her heart as she expressed her joy at being back where she belonged. The butler answered the door at Marbury House, and Darcy perfunctorily handed him his hat and gloves before asking for Colonel Fitzwilliam. "I believe that the Colonel is in the billiard room, sir. Shall I show you in?" "Thank you, no. I know the way." Darcy was dreading this meeting, and certainly wanted as few witnesses as possible. He had been reluctant to leave Elizabeth even for a short period after all they had been through, but he knew 270

THE RULE OF REASON that he must attend to the quarrel with his cousin immediately. He was only thankful that it seemed he might be fortunate enough to avoid Lady Marbury; he felt far from able to negotiate the perils of conversation with his elder cousin's wife. He rapped sharply at the door of the billiard room before letting himself in. Colonel Fitzwilliam, apparently in the middle of a shot, straightened slowly. "Darcy," he said in a decidedly neutral voice. "Good afternoon, Fitzwilliam," he replied. He wished that his cousin would make this easier for him; surely his presence must speak for itself, but he had to admit that he certainly did not deserve any special consideration. "I came to thank you for not challenging me to a duel when I quite richly deserved it." Colonel Fitzwilliam raised an eyebrow, and the merest ghost of a smile crossed his face. "You know I would never allow you the choice of weapons, Darcy. I am not a fool." "And I am," acknowledged Darcy somberly. "Richard, I had no right nor reason for what I said to you. I hope you can see your way to forgiving me for my idiocy." "It was some of the most impressive idiocy I have seen, I must admit. But then again, you never have done anything by halves, William. Darcy, hearing the willingness to forgive in his cousin's voice, breathed a sigh of relief. "You may be assured that I have already heard this lecture in some detail from Elizabeth." "Ah. Does that mean that you and your lovely wife have managed to find common ground once more?" Colonel Fitzwilliam asked while racking the balls efficiently. "To my good fortune, she is a remarkably forgiving woman," said Darcy. "It is far more than I deserve." "It certainly is," retorted the colonel cheerfully. "Care for a game?" Darcy shook his head. "I would present no challenge today, I fear. A boy of twelve could prevail over me at the moment." "All the better! I have smarted from enough defeats at your hands to have a thirst for revenge." Darcy rolled his eyes. It is preferable to pistols at dawn, I suppose, he thought wryly, picking up a cue stick. "Well, if you must have your vengeance, I would by no means suspend your pleasure, old man."

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A bi ga il Rey nolds Colonel Fitzwilliam smiled wickedly. "This is turning out to be a splendid week after all. Not only do I have a chance to thrash you at billiards, but I had the pleasure of setting my mother on your scent." "Your mother?" asked Darcy, startled. "What does she have to do with this?" "I have no idea," he responded with a shrug. "She called on your wife yesterday morning, and now you seem to have returned to your right mind. There is only one conclusion to be drawn from this." "I should have known that she was involved in this somehow," grumbled Darcy without any particular distress. "How does she do it?" This was a familiar discussion from their younger days, when both had been bemused by Lady Matlock's uncanny ability to direct events to her liking with no apparent effort. He managed several shots before missing one that ought to have come easily to him. "Ha!" exclaimed his cousin. "You are off your game, Darcy. Never mind what she did, just be grateful she did it." "I am grateful that any of you are willing to give me a second chance, Richard." He paused. "Elizabeth and I will be leaving for Pemberley tomorrow. I would not imagine that we will be returning to town for quite some time. "Mmm. Good for you. I still have the annual Easter pilgrimage to Rosings, not being clever enough to marry someone Aunt Catherine would disapprove of so thoroughly as to be disinvited. I will look forward to hearing about your new addition, though." Darcy closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath. "If anything happens to her, Richard, I do not know what I shall do," he said quietly. Colonel Fitzwilliam looked up from the table sympathetically. "William, you worry too much. Elizabeth is strong enough to take you on; birthing a baby will be nothing to her." "I wish I could have the same certainty." The colonel clapped his shoulder. "Darcy, go home to your charming wife. You obviously cannot think clearly in her absence!" Darcy smiled. "You know me too well, Fitzwilliam." "I know," his cousin replied smugly. "And you owe me, cousin - I am letting you off this time without thrashing you out of respect for your frailties, but do not expect to get off so lightly next time if I find you upsetting your wife like that again." 272

THE RULE OF REASON Well aware that the thrashing referred to was not at the billiard table, Darcy said, "You need not worry about that, Richard." He paused for a moment. "You are welcome at the house whenever you wish to stay there." "Ah, good, I am glad to hear it. I had not yet finished emptying your wine cellar." Darcy chuckled. "Until we meet again then, Fitzwilliam." In much better spirits than on his arrival, he departed, eager to hold Elizabeth in his arms once more. As Darcy's anxiety regarding Elizabeth's safety was not completely relieved by their discussion, nor was hers concerning whether he would continue to tell her his thoughts and feelings. As she had time to consider what she had learned of him, she thought more on the times she had not trusted him to share her troubles, and for the first time truly saw the potential danger of this course. It gave her a resolve never again to repeat such a behaviour, and to do her utmost to assist her husband in avoiding doing so as well. As it came to pass, she discovered that she need not have worried about his trust; not only was Darcy now painfully aware of the cost of maintaining his reserve, but, never being one to do things by halves, and having discovered the relief of trusting Elizabeth with the feelings that had troubled him during his younger days, he was eager to continue the conversation. Since their journey to Pemberley, taken in short stages in deference to Elizabeth's condition, allowed them several days alone in the travelling carriage and various inns, there was more than sufficient time for him to continue to share his thoughts and concerns with her, and he took full advantage of the opportunity. By the time of their arrival in Derbyshire, Elizabeth had learned a great deal about the man who was her husband, and felt that the groundwork had been laid for a greater closeness than they had known in the past. For her part, it was as if she could not have enough of her husband's affection and embraces, a matter to which he was more than happy to attend. Georgiana was elated at their return; she had missed both Darcy's stabilizing presence and the lively companionship of Elizabeth in the quiet of her life in Derbyshire. She shared none of her brother's dread for Elizabeth's condition, and was quite excited by the prospect of being an aunt. Elizabeth was pleased to discover that Darcy's warm feelings about the upcoming addition to their family survived their arrival at Pemberley. Fortunately, he did not attempt to disguise his periods of anxiety, allowing 273

A bi ga il Rey nolds himself to be reassured by his wife, as well as enduring on a few occasions lectures from Mrs. Reynolds on the subject. If pressed, Elizabeth would have admitted to feeling somewhat smothered by his attentiveness to her health and needs, but it seemed a small price to pay for his greater comfort. Several weeks after their return to Pemberley, Darcy said, "I have been wondering, my love, if it is approaching the time for us to be seeking a wetnurse." Elizabeth gave him a startled glance. "I had not intended to employ a wet-nurse, in fact. I see no reason why I cannot manage on my own." "I do not wish you to have any unnecessary stress, and it seems it would be a way to ease matters for you," he said persuasively, knowing better than to insist immediately. "William, this is a perfectly natural event, and it will be no different for me than for any other woman. The stress, as you call it, is no danger to me," she responded firmly. Darcy frowned. "Elizabeth, I realize that you think I am being foolish, but if there is anything that can be done to allow you an easier recovery, I would feel much better if we did so." "I shall be recovered in a matter of a few days! This is nothing to be concerned over!" Elizabeth looked at her husband in some frustration. She did not want his anxieties to affect their everyday family life, yet wished to be sympathetic to his needs. Finally another tack occurred to her. "William, are you aware that women who do not nurse their own babes tend to increase again much sooner than those who do?" "That seems an unlikely story, Elizabeth," he said dubiously. She rolled her eyes. "If you wish, I will ring for Mrs. Reynolds, and you may ask her as to the truth of it. It is hardly something I would expect a man to be aware of." He considered this. "Are you certain of this?" "William, it is well known among women," she said firmly. His expression lightened. "Then by all means, let us not employ a wet nurse, my love. I am in no hurry to repeat this process!" Elizabeth raised an eyebrow amusedly at the alacrity with which he accepted the prospect. "You do not wish this child to have younger brothers and sisters?" she teased. "Allow me some time to recover from this experience first, I pray you!" he responded playfully, but with obvious meaning. 274

THE RULE OF REASON Elizabeth's pains began just before dawn one fine night in May. She was grateful that they were not severe initially, and it was not difficult to ignore them, though it was a struggle to mimic sleep in order not to disturb her husband. She had no intention of informing Darcy of this development until it was absolutely unavoidable. When he finally awoke and she could move more freely, she accepted his affectionate kiss, then said briskly, "I am quite hungry this morning, William; I think that I shall ring for Lucy to bring me breakfast immediately." He looked at her oddly. "Too hungry to wait to be dressed?" She surprised herself with her acting ability. "Not so hungry as that, but I think that perhaps I was too active yesterday; I thought I might spend the morning resting." "As you wish, my love," he said. "I am tempted to offer to bear you company, but I fear that it would not be rest that you would be getting, in that case." She managed to smile through a strong cramp. "Another time, William, I shall be happy to take up your offer." It seemed to take an inordinate amount of time for her husband to ready himself for the day, but Elizabeth knew that it was only her own anxiety and increasing discomfort that made it seem so. When finally he departed after an affectionate kiss and a promise to check on her later, she breathed a sigh of relief. She immediately rang for Lucy. On her arrival, Elizabeth explained the situation, and asked her to fetch Mrs. Reynolds at once. "I do not wish Mr. Darcy to be aware of this as yet," she cautioned her. A few minutes later the housekeeper arrived. "So your time is upon you, Mrs. Darcy?" she asked briskly. "It would appear so," replied Elizabeth with a grimace as another pain seized her. Mrs. Reynolds placed her hand over Elizabeth's abdomen, feeling the strength of the contraction. "The midwife has been sent for, and I expect she should be here soon. Meanwhile, it does you no good to be lying so; you must walk around, Mrs. Darcy." The idea seemed completely lacking in appeal to Elizabeth, but she obediently followed the housekeeper's instructions. "I cannot walk far in this room," she observed with a touch of amusement. 275

A bi ga il Rey nolds "When Mr. Darcy has left the house, you may walk in the corridor then, madam." "Where is..." Elizabeth paused during another pain, and Mrs. Reynolds took her arm to support her. "Where is Mr. Darcy going?" "The steward has manufactured some business for Mr. Darcy in Lambton that will keep him out of our way for a time. Men are nothing but trouble at a time like this, and he more than most! Lucy, I think that you had best fetch Anne Fletcher," Mrs. Reynolds commanded. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow as Lucy left, somehow unsurprised to discover that the housekeeper understood the necessity of Mr. Darcy remaining ignorant of her condition. "Why Mrs. Fletcher?" she asked, wondering why on earth Mrs. Reynolds should want one of the cooks at a moment like this. "You seem to be moving along more rapidly than I would expect, madam, judging by your pace, and Mrs. Fletcher is very experienced in these matters. She can stay with you until the midwife arrives." A brief panic swept through Elizabeth. "You will stay, too, will you not, Mrs. Reynolds?" Mrs. Reynolds smiled warmly and patted her hand. "Of course I will stay," she said reassuringly. Mrs. Fletcher proved to be less concerned than the housekeeper about the imminence of the event, especially once Elizabeth admitted that the pains had been going on for some hours. She encouraged Elizabeth to partake of some soup and bread, pointing out that she would be needing her strength. The day seemed interminable to Elizabeth as her pains continued. By midafternoon she felt already exhausted, and as the pains continued to increase in their intensity and frequency, she could no longer keep a stoic silence. "Soon, Mrs. Darcy," the midwife reassured her during the interval between her pains. "Soon it will be time." Shortly after Elizabeth cried out at one particularly agonizing contraction, firm footsteps could be heard in the hallway outside, followed by the stern voice of Wilkins. "Mr. Darcy, you must come back downstairs. You cannot be with her, sir; you can do her no good. Please, sir, come down with Miss Darcy." "I will see her! Out of my way, Wilkins, immediately!" "Sir, it is not proper..." "Wilkins!" Darcy's voice had become threatening. 276

THE RULE OF REASON "Oh, let him in," Elizabeth said resignedly. "He can do no worse here than anywhere else." The midwife glanced at Mrs. Reynolds, who gave a slight nod, just as the door opened and Darcy entered, his face ashen. He knelt immediately next to Elizabeth and took her hands in his. "Elizabeth, no one told me, or I should have been here far sooner." Elizabeth managed a slight smile. "I told them not to tell you." "How are you, my dearest?" He pressed kisses on her hands. "As well as can be expected." She gripped his hands tightly as a strong pain tore through her. She bit her lip to stop a cry, unwilling to behave in a manner that could increase his worries no matter the provocation, but she could do nothing about the tears that leaked from her eyes. "You are doing well, Mrs. Darcy," the midwife said. "A few more like that, and you will be ready to push." "Thank God," said Elizabeth fervently as the pain eased. Darcy looked up at the midwife. Every woman in the room was firmly ignoring his existence. "Something is wrong! It should not hurt her so much!" he exclaimed. He was not reassured by the barely disguised smiles that met his comment. "William, it always hurts this much. Often much more," said Elizabeth with some exasperation. "Are you certain?" "Mr. Darcy, your wife is doing very well. You need have no worries," said the midwife authoritatively. The pain came again, and Mrs. Reynolds gave her a cloth to bite on. "Oh, Elizabeth," Darcy whispered, tormented by the sight of her suffering, which seemed to go on and on. Tears streamed down her face. Mrs. Reynolds said sharply. "Mr. Darcy, I will not have you upsetting your wife. If you can do no better than that at comforting her, then begone!" Again in a painless interval, Elizabeth could not help a weak smile at the look on Darcy's face as he received this scolding, but it seemed to serve; he took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, not taking his eyes off her for even a moment. As the next pain took her, he said, "Look at me, Elizabeth." She looked into his eyes as if receiving strength from him, clutching forcefully at his hands. A minute later his gaze warmed as she relaxed. "You are very strong, my love!" he teased, glancing down at their entwined hands. 277

A bi ga il Rey nolds "William," she murmured, allowing her head to rest on his shoulder momentarily, praying this would end soon. He whispered endearments to her as her pains came and went until the midwife announced, "Mrs. Darcy, at the next one, you must push, as hard as you may. Mr. Darcy, it is time for you to leave, sir." "No." Darcy's voice was implacable. "Mr. Darcy, it is most inappropriate for you to be here at all, but especially not now! I must ask you to leave!" "No!" he snapped. "Leave be," Mrs. Reynolds told the midwife. "He can be stubborn as a mule when he sets his mind to it." Elizabeth gave a feeble laugh, both at the housekeeper's statement and at her husband's complete lack of reaction to it. "Now, Mrs. Darcy. Push now!" Afterwards, Elizabeth could remember little of the next period beyond her husband's eyes holding her and her hands clutching his fiercely. She recalled crying in excruciating pain, and Mrs. Reynolds' voice calmly detailing her progress, until she experienced a sudden release from her suffering. "You have a son, Mrs. Darcy!" Mrs. Reynolds announced with delight. Elizabeth, unable to appreciate much beyond the pain having come to an end, collapsed against Darcy, who by this point had all but forgotten that the baby was to come in his intense involvement with Elizabeth, and seemed taken by surprise by the news. The midwife competently tied off and cut the cord, and a cry filled the room. Mrs. Reynolds, a broad smile on her face, took the infant and swaddled him in the prepared cloth, then gently placed him in Elizabeth's arms. Elizabeth stared at the tiny face surrounded by a headful of dark hair, awash with feelings she had never felt before. She tickled his small hand, feeling euphoric as he gripped her finger with his minute, perfect fingers. She turned to Darcy with a smile of ineffable happiness, only to find him gazing in complete fascination at his son. "Mrs. Darcy, you may be more comfortable in the bed for the remainder," said the midwife gently. Mrs. Reynolds reached to take the bundle from Elizabeth's arms, but Darcy was there before her. His wife's existence clearly faded from his mind as he held his son, absorbed by the miracle before him. Mrs. Reynolds, shaking her head with amusement, helped Elizabeth up from the stool and over to the bed. 278

THE RULE OF REASON "I do not believe that I shall want to sit down for a very long time!" said Elizabeth feelingly as she collapsed back against the pillows. The midwife began to massage her stomach to encourage the afterbirth. Mrs. Reynolds approached Darcy and said briskly, "Mr. Darcy, I do not believe that you are required for this part. Give that child back to your wife, and go tell Miss Georgiana that she has a nephew, and you can return when we have finished here." Darcy looked at her blankly for a moment, then reluctantly surrendered the infant to Mrs. Reynolds, who tucked him into Elizabeth's arms. He kissed Elizabeth's cheek lightly, then whispered in her ear, "Thank you, my love." She looked up at him, tears welling up in her eyes. "Out, Master William!" Mrs. Reynolds demanded, and with a quick roll of his eyes, he obeyed. She looked over at Elizabeth, and said authoritatively, "I told you he would be trouble." "You did indeed, Mrs. Reynolds!" Elizabeth agreed with a laugh before her son engaged her every thought once again. Elizabeth was asleep by the time Darcy was permitted to return to her. The completion of the delivery, the cleansing and the first lessons from Mrs. Fletcher on putting the babe to her breast had taken the last of her energy, and she had drifted off as she was beginning to appreciate just how uncomfortable certain portions of her were going to be for the next few days. Darcy slipped into the room quietly so as not to disturb her. It was twilight, and he found the picture of his wife and son asleep together in the gathering darkness immensely appealing. He stood and watched them for several minutes before giving into temptation and gently easing the bundle out of Elizabeth's arms. The baby stirred for a moment, and Darcy froze, but then he slipped back into a deep sleep. Darcy settled himself in an armchair beside the bed, gently cradling the baby in his arms. He traced the tiny features with his eyes and allowed himself to lightly touch the soft baby hair. He could hardly allow the reality of the moment, but the pleasure it gave him to hold his son could not be denied. He was still gazing raptly at him some time later when Elizabeth awoke. Their eyes met and held, a silent message flowing between them. Finally Darcy said, "I had not realized that he would be quite so small." Elizabeth smiled warmly. "He will grow faster than you think. He has a look of you about him, I think." 279

A bi ga il Rey nolds "Do you? I cannot see it; he looks exactly like himself. How are you, my love?" "Well enough; I have no complaints. But we must think about a name for that young man, William." "Richard," he said, looking down at the baby, and despite his extraordinarily gentle tone it was clear that he was making a statement rather than a suggestion. "Am I not to be consulted on this?" Elizabeth teased. Richard had, in fact, been on the list of names she had considered, but she saw no reason to give in to him quite so quickly. He smiled at her with mild embarrassment. "Only if you agree with me. It really must be Richard, you see." "And why, pray tell, must he be named Richard?" "Well, mostly because if it were not for Colonel Fitzwilliam, he would never have been born." She raised an eyebrow. "William, I have the greatest respect for your cousin, but I fail to see what he has to do with Ri... with our baby's birth." She could see even in the growing darkness that his cheeks flushed. "That is because it is a story I never told you, my love. Do you recall when I returned to Hertfordshire to court you?" "Of course." "The truth is that it was not my idea. I had already given up on you, and decided I did not deserve you. I never expected to see you again, then Richard came along and browbeat me into trying one more time, else I should have spent the rest of my life regretting you." She gazed at him tenderly, touched by his disclosure. "Very well, I suppose that is an acceptable reason. Richard it shall be." The subject of their discussion opened his eyes, stirred by the sound of their voices. She held out her arms for him, and Darcy somewhat reluctantly surrendered the infant. Smiling down at her baby, she tried to persuade him to nurse, with eventual success. "Mrs. Fletcher assures me that this will become easier with time," she said ruefully to William, who was watching the process with fascination. "Will you have the nurse take him for the night?" She considered the matter. "I think I shall - she can always bring him to me if he needs me, and I certainly need the rest. I would like to be able to enjoy our son tomorrow beyond merely falling asleep with him!" 280

THE RULE OF REASON "I assume that I should stay in my own room tonight," Darcy said tentatively. Elizabeth looked up at him. "I had hoped that you would stay with me. It would comfort me to sleep in your arms." Darcy's happiness at this response was apparent. "It will be my pleasure, my love. You may be certain that I would prefer not to let you out of my sight! But you must first have a little supper, to keep up your strength." "William," she said indulgently, "the baby has been born, and you do not need to watch over me so closely any longer." "I enjoy taking care of you, Elizabeth. And remember, you need to keep your strength up for tomorrow, too." "Well, then, I suppose that I must have my supper," she said with resigned amusement. She noted that he was watching young Richard with the intensity he usually reserved for her, and it warmed her heart to see how quickly he was becoming attached to their child. After Elizabeth had eaten what he considered to be an adequate amount, Darcy announced that they could go to sleep whenever she wished. She felt a pang when the nurse took the baby, but was reassured in the comfort of Darcy's embrace. He kissed her chastely on the forehead before bidding her goodnight, treasuring the opportunity to hold her in his arms, and grateful beyond words that all his fears had proved unwarranted. "By the way, William," she said drowsily as she was about to drift off to sleep, her head resting on his shoulder, "I find it hard to believe that you could be browbeaten into doing something you did not already want to do." "Most likely not, my love. Now go to sleep; we have a great many tomorrows still ahead of us." He kissed her gently, reflecting back on those weeks in Hertfordshire when he had so desperately sought her affections, and felt a thankfulness beyond his ability to express that she had rewarded him with the gift of her love. He would be ever sensible, he thought, of the warmest gratitude towards his cousin who, by convincing him to risk offering her his heart once more, had been the means of uniting them.

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THE PEMBERLEY VARIATIONS by Abigail Reynolds is a series of novels exploring the roads not taken in Pride & Prejudice. The main characters and occasional lines of text are the original creations of Jane Austen. ~ Impulse & Initiative ~ ~Without Reserve ~ ~ The Last Man in the World ~ ~ From Lambton to Longbourn ~ ~ By Force of Instinct ~

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