Taming the Bad Girl

Evernight Publishing www.evernightpublishing.com

Copyright© 2012 Emma Shortt

ISBN: 978-1-927368-60-2

Cover Artist: Sour Cherry Designs Editor: Marie Medina

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be used or reproduced electronically or in print without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews. This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, and places are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

DEDICATION This one is for all those bad girls out there. Because sure, a glowing halo is pretty, but combat boots kick its ass every damn time.

TAMING THE BAD GIRL Office Seduction, 2 Emma Shortt Copyright © 2012

Chapter One

Lucy: When your life is in the skids there’s not much you can do but get your bitch on.

I sat in my black, leather chair, hands splayed on the enormous pine desk, body rigid. My knees were clenched tightly together, my spine screaming from the months of tension I’d subjected it to. I could feel the cold, smooth wood beneath my palms, and it was almost a counterpoint to my entire mood. It should feel scratchy surely? The wood sticking out and digging into my skin. That would fit my entire life right now. Hell, it would fit my life for the last few months and then some. “So here we are then.” This came from Giles, head of finance, and the man now in charge of my entire budget. I ran my palms back and forth across the desk, trying to ignore his words, trying to ignore him. It was either that or scream from the top of my lungs, or cry until my eyes hurt. I couldn’t do either, of course, so holding myself still and pretending Giles wasn’t there was the only way to drag at some control. “Lucy, are you even listening?” His velvety drop-your-pants-right-fucking-now voice sounded exasperated. But then it always did around me—when he bothered to address me at all that was—ever since that night all those months ago. A night that had twisted my entire life on its head and sent me down a

path I strongly regretted ever following. To say I was fucked up was a bit of an understatement. Today’s events so were not helping. “No,” I said through clenched teeth. “I’m not.” He sighed. “You’re out of choices, darling. Gabe’s made the decision.” I curled my fingers into fists and bit down on the inside of my mouth. The left cheek, which was already ragged from all the stress of the last few weeks. I tasted blood and shuddered, Giles words echoing through my mind making my heart give a nasty squeeze. Not just because of the truth of the words but because he’d called me darling—plus with a sneer. It was the equivalent of a Giles insult. He knew I’d pick up on it, and that fact made it hurt all the more. “The right one, in my opinion,” Giles continued. “You need my help, Lucy. Whether you want to admit it or not.” Again with the sneer and again with the squeeze. A lump welled in my throat and I had to clench my jaw to hold it back. Almost against my will I lifted my gaze to his, nearly gasping as I looked into the deep hazel of his eyes. How many months had I avoided doing just that? Now I remembered exactly why. The oh-so familiar pain shot across my chest, joining up with the lump and throbbing. Part of me couldn’t quite believe it still hurt so much. It wasn’t anywhere close to being fair. “Gabe can fuck off.” Giles raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow and held my gaze through hooded lids. The lump, the throb, hell, everything intensified and a shiver ran through me. I opened my mouth to insult the boss again, more to take my mind of the fact that Giles was here in my office than anything else, but closed it just in time. Telling the man who paid my wages to fuck off was not the smartest thing to do, and not in keeping with my ‘pretend it’s not happening’ stance of just a moment ago. Still, it wasn’t like I didn’t have a million insults stored and at the ready. Gabe Janson. I shuddered in an entirely different way at the thought of him because he was my actual overlord, head of the company since about a month ago, and he’d practically demoted me without even the courtesy of telling me himself. The bastard. No, he’d sent Giles to do his dirty work. Suffice it to say my feelings towards Gabe were not of the fluffy, happy kind—if anything they were the ready-to-murder kind, hence my cache of insults. It didn’t help either

that he’d hooked up with my best friend or that I’d boinked his not so long ago. Another event in my life that I regretted—strongly. And when it came right down to it, all my stupid, crazy choices of the past four months stemmed from one place and one place only. No, one man, and he was standing right in front of me. That thought was enough to crack my pretend composure, and I jumped up from the desk, no longer able to stay still. What good did it do after all, wallowing in my own misery? It only made things worse. Getting my bitch on was my only defense, the only way to keep a bit of the old me in place, or as I liked to think of it, the preGiles me. My chair whizzed back against the wall with a bang and I glared. “Gabe’s saving your ass,” Giles said as I opened my own mouth—probably to throw out another insult—and the languid tone to his voice had me adding him to the take-the-bastard-down list. Though in actuality he was already on it, had been ever since that night. No, not the night, I corrected myself, my heart aching again. The morning after, when he’d tossed me aside without so much as a ‘thanks but no thanks.’ “Gabe’s a total bastard,” I screeched, yes screeched, it was the only way to keep control. “He waltzes in here like he owns the place—” “Which he does.” “And demotes me?” Giles laughed softly, and I hated the fact that it raised all sorts of goose bumps along my skin. Again, it wasn’t fair! Why hadn’t the rest of my body picked up on what my heart felt? It should be just as numb, surely? Just as pained? Not panting like a fucking dog at the first flash of Giles’ fantastic eyes. “You’re in the shit, Lucy,” Giles said. “You know it and I know it, and the only way you’re getting out is to accept my help.” “You’ve wanted this all along!” I said, once more with the screech. Because apart from all the other stuff between us, the stuff we never spoke about, everyone knew that Giles did not approve of my work style. He was finance, after all, and I was creative. The two didn’t mix. Hell, nothing about us mixed, which I knew now. If only I’d known it all those months ago…. I took a deep breath, and in an effort to both gather some control and oust Giles seductive eyes from my thoughts, visualized

my budget sheet for the millionth time. Where had all the money gone? I couldn’t quite work out how I’d spent it all, though I had, clearly. My annual budget was about as empty as my bra without the padding, and I had to find a way to make it all balance for the rest of the year. Staff wages had to be paid, suppliers invoices had to be settled. I had to make the budget stack up before Gabe would authorize Giles to give me any more money. To show him exactly what I’d spent it all on. Which was why Giles was now leaning against my office door, hands in his pockets, gaze amused, eyeing me in a way that just screamed satisfaction. An image came to me then, hitting me with such force that I almost moaned. Giles looking an altogether other sort of satisfied, and I felt my heart give another little twist, another little break, another piece falling off and disappearing God knew where. “Wanted to be landed with a spoiled brat like you?” Giles said, and yep, off went another piece. “I don’t think so, darling.” “You—” “But this is the way it is, so get used to it.” I narrowed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Unsure really what to say to that or what to do. For the last months I’d lived in a sort of weird state that even I couldn’t understand—and I was the one doing it! I partied hard and worked hard because I just did not know how else to handle what had happened with Giles, and in my mind eventually everything would sort itself out. My life, my heart, it would all come together. It had to, right? That was the way the world worked. Only it hadn’t, it wasn’t. My partying had gotten so out of control, past the boundaries of what was even acceptable anymore. A long list of men flashed through my mind and I bit down on my cheek again. And then the projects, the ones I’d been sure I’d win if I just worked a bit harder, put a bit more of my budget into it. I’d placed everything on the line and now, as Giles said, here we were. I’d fucked it all up. I closed my eyes and let the breath out. It was shaky, like me, and I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes. It wasn’t the idea of having someone manage my budget that made me squirm, not at all. If I could just have had Pam or hell even Gabe himself, just not Giles…never Giles…. “Why you?” I asked. “Who else?” he said, “would be willing to take you on?”

No one. The words whispered though my mind and I felt my eyes prick all over again. Gabe wouldn’t because he disliked me. Pam couldn’t because Gabe wouldn’t let her. There was no one left but Giles, and he was doing this only because he had to. No doubt he hated the situation as much as I did. If I was honest with myself I knew he didn’t want this, not at all…there was nothing about me that Giles wanted. Never had that been more obvious to me than it was now, with him stood against my wall, talking to me like I was someone that meant less than nada to him. Because that’s the truth, Luce. At that thought my anger, my bitchiness disappeared as fast as it had come and I sank back down into my chair. “I have no choice, do I?” I whispered, the screech no more. “No,” Giles said. “None. Neither of us do.” I swallowed dryly as I imagined working closely with this man for the next few weeks. Spending time with him, late nights, early mornings. The lump returned and my heart ached even as my body trembled. I honestly did not know how I was going to handle it. Bad enough seeing him every day but at least there’d been some distance. Offices and walls between us and when it had got really bad I’d simply flirted with someone close by or gone out and picked up another guy. Trying to lose myself in them, sometimes even imagining they were Giles. But this? I did not know if I could do it. Working with the man who had taken the only bit of happiness I’d ever found in my life. The man who’d broken my heart.

Chapter Two Giles: Some women you just cannot forget…no matter how hard you try.

I sat at my desk feeling like a complete bastard one moment and then all kinds of a fool the next. I’d left Lucy’s office as soon as I could decently get away with it and I’d thought, as the light glanced off her from the open door, that I’d seen tears in her eyes. But that was ridiculous. The woman probably didn’t even know how to cry! And certainly not over me. Her tear ducts were no doubt welded shut with make up or dollar signs. So a fool, but then a small part of me wondered if she really was upset, and the guilt welled up even as I upbraided myself for it. Lucy had played me once and I’d be a complete idiot to let her do it again. Hell, I didn’t think I could take another round of that sort of treatment. I’d barely made it out in one piece the last time. I unlocked my computer and pulled up her budget sheet from SharePoint, shocked as always to see the numbers dancing across the screen. How Lucy had spent all that money I couldn’t quite work out. I’d have to though. This was part of my job now. Gabe had asked this favor of me and before I’d even thought it through I’d found myself agreeing. I regretted it already and couldn’t help but think that if I was honest with myself I’d admit that I’d agreed for all the wrong reasons. Though I wanted nothing more to do with Lucy something kept pulling me back to her, over and over again…. Lucy. Her face filled my thoughts and I clenched my fists. There was no doubt that she was stunningly beautiful. I’d always thought so and not even our history could change that. Thin in a delicate sort of way, angular even, and with that amazing honey colored hair. It was real. I knew that from experience, and those eyes…I shook my head to dispel the image of them brimming with tears, replacing it instead with the image of her throwing me out of her apartment. Her eyes blazing and full of anger. No, I looked at the budget sheet and hardened my heart. I would not be taken for a fool again! I had to ignore the weird pull she had on me. Ignore it just as I had these past months. By gritting my teeth and freezing my heart. There was nothing but trouble there,

nothing but more of the same sort of pain. But even as I thought that I couldn’t shake off the image of her sat on her chair, looking all sorts of lost. Her hair flowing loosely around her shoulders, her small breasts heaving against her tight shirt…my cock hardened in an instant and I cursed. How was it even fair that she could still get me hard with just a look? That despite the fact I knew she’d fucked dozens of men since me and before me, my cock didn’t seem to care. It wanted to be inside her again, teasing her tight walls, dragging against her engorged clit…. No! Lucy was nothing but trouble. I had to remember that. Had to. And besides—I stilled my hand on the mouse and coughed against the heaviness in my chest—Lucy didn’t actually want me. Maybe she never had. I didn’t know, had not stuck around to find out. My cock could harden all it wanted, could long for her for as many months as it already had. It made no difference in the end. I would never settle between her thighs again, never feel her supple body riding up and down my shaft…. She didn’t want me. A knock on the door a few minutes later pulled me from my depressing calculations and equally depressing thoughts. I looked up to see Pam enter. As I was head of finance and Lucy was head of marketing, Pam was head of research. We were colleagues and friends, and I liked her a lot. Not in that way, of course. After all she’d just hooked up with our boss, Gabe, someone else I really liked. But she was a genuine kind of girl and it pleased me to watch her falling in love, glowing with happiness. “I, erm, couldn’t help but overhear earlier….” Pam began. I shifted uncomfortably. “Were we that loud?” She laughed softly and took the seat on the other side of my desk. “No. In truth I was eavesdropping. I could have helped it but, well.” She shrugged. “I was worried about Luce.” I’d never been able to work out why Pam and Lucy were such close friends. The two were chalk and cheese. Pam as sunny and soft as Lucy was bitchy and hard. But friends they were. They went out to lunch together, to dinner. Swapped clothes and gossiped. Before that night it seemed to me that Pam saw something I didn’t. Now though, now I was sure I’d been wrong.

“I wouldn’t worry about Lucy,” I said. “She’s like a cat, always lands on her feet.” “You think so?” Pam asked. “I’m not so sure. Something’s been off lately.” She paused and I could see that she was battling with something, probably something I didn’t want to hear. “Yes, well, she’s in a mess,” I said. “Of course something’s been off. She spends all her time partying. Everyone knows that.” Yes, everyone did. The men…the constant men. I clenched my teeth against the wave of jealousy that threatened to overwhelm me. Lucy was not mine, she could fuck whoever the hell she wanted, and if office gossip was to be believed she did. Constantly, continually. I was just one in a long, long line. Pam shook her head. “No, I’m not talking about the partying, Giles. Well, I am in a roundabout way I guess.” She shrugged. “I didn’t pick up on it before but I’ve been thinking about it these past days, and she’s been weird for a good few months. She never partied like this before. Never. And there were never as many….” “Men?” I asked. “Dates,” Pam corrected. A good few months. I shifted again and swallowed dryly. Ignoring the little voice in the back of my head that told me exactly what had happened all those months ago because it was not down to that. It couldn’t be. There was no way our night together had done anything to Lucy but piss her off. Thinking otherwise was what had landed me in this mess. Thinking I meant more to her than I had. Like our night was anything to her but a quick fuck. “I haven’t noticed,” I lied. “I didn’t either, that’s my point,” Pam said. “Though I should have, she’s my friend after all. But I’ve thought about it and I talked it through with Gabe. Another opinion, you know? He hasn’t been here that long so he can maybe see it differently. Anyway it seems as though all her troubles started sometime a few months back. Maybe as much as four or five? The partying, the dates, the fuck ups at work. The more I think about it, the more sure I am that something must have happened to her back then. What exactly I don’t know, but knowing Luce it was probably man-related. And it must be something bad or she’d have told me about it. She used to tell me everything.” “What is your point in telling me this?” I asked. Because already I was wondering what man in Lucy’s extensive list had

caused her to act so crazy. I knew it wasn’t me. Of that I was absolutely sure. But if Pam was right one of them had turned her head. Maybe even hurt her in some way. I swallowed uneasily, the thought causing a strange throb in my chest. “I want you to go easy on her,” Pam said softly. “To understand that she’s not herself right now. Help her, support her. Give her a chance.” “She’s always been a bitch,” I said, even though guilt squirmed at labeling her that way, the fact that it was true was neither here nor there. “She wouldn’t appreciate me going easy on her.” “Well, yes, she is,” Pam agreed. “But never as bad as this. Do you really think she’d be my best friend if that was the case?” “I’ve never understood that,” I admitted. “How you two are such close friends. You’re so different.” “Opposites attract,” Pam said, casting me a look I couldn’t quite decipher. I shifted in my seat and picked up a pen, more to give my hands something to do than anything else. The image of Lucy’s slim fingers working their way around something else entirely flashed across my mind and I gritted my teeth. What a fool I’d been. What a fool I was still being. “I’ll make sure her budget is sorted out,” I said. “That’s what Gabe has asked me to do.” “Yes, but maybe you could do more than that,” Pam suggested, oblivious to my mental battle. “Help her out of whatever mess she’s in. I always felt that she thought a lot of you and you of her. Maybe this could be your chance.” “My chance for what exactly?” I grated. “To make things right,” Pam said. “The way they should be.” The way they should be? I scowled and, though I didn’t want to, asked, “Which is what?” Pam smiled, stood up and swished her way back to the door. Though I’d never been attracted to her even I couldn’t help but admire the movement of her hips, the sway of her rounded ass. Abruptly my mind shifted to another pair of hips, another set of curves and I frowned all over again. Would I ever be free of those images? Ever stop thinking about that honeyed skin and those breathless sighs?

“I think we both know, Giles,” Pam said. “And if you don’t I’m betting that by the time this is sorted out you will.”

Chapter Three Lucy: When life hands you lemons don’t make lemonade. Squash them into a vodka instead, you’ll feel much better for it…I promise.

The club was busier than I expected. Especially for a Monday night. Dozens of men prowled the bars, groups of women giggled and flexed around the seating areas, and the tables where food was being served were full to bursting. I couldn’t even see a single seat spare. Not that it mattered. I had no intention of sitting down and eating dinner. My journey was going to end firmly at the bar, where I planned to stay until I was sloshed enough to crawl home. Pathetic, yes? Necessary, hell yes. I strode past a group of men, a whole bunch of who cast me appreciative looks. A fair few of them were pretty good looking but I glared back. If there was one thing I hadn’t come out for it was to get laid. After this afternoon’s meeting the very thought repulsed me. “Alright, darlin’,” one man said, reaching out to grab my arm. I hissed at him, the ‘darlin’ jarring in my mind with Giles’ softly spoken one from earlier. “Fuck off.” “Alright, calm down,” he said, grinning at me. “How about you let me buy you a drink?” “And why would I let you do that?” I asked. He shrugged. “Why else would you be here? A drink, a little company….” “A drink, yes,” I said. “Company, no.” “You’re gonna drink on your own?” he asked. “Why bother coming out at all?” Why indeed? I wondered what my admirer would say if I told him the only reason I was in the bar was because I couldn’t bear to go home. To the quiet, the constant quiet. The hours and hours of it…. That to my mind it made much more sense to drink here than popping open bottle after bottle of wine in the comfort of my own apartment. At least here I’d know when to stop, well, mostly. “One drink?” the man asked. “Not gonna happen. Let me pass.” “You sure?”

“Didn’t I just say so?” I pushed past him, wondering as I did so why the hell he was even bothering to try it on. It was not like I’d troubled to dress up. I’d come straight from the office and was looking distinctly wrinkled. I’d thought about going home and getting into my sweats and a vest but being alone with my thoughts all evening was more than I could bear. I couldn’t face it yet, not even for the draw of comfortable clothes. I almost laughed as I imagined striding past these men in my ratty joggers. Doubtful they’d be trying to grab me then. The feeling faded as another man veered in front of me, drink in hand. I sighed. It was the hair and the fact I was so petite. I’d long suspected as much. Blonde hair, tiny frame and the rest of me could look like a dog’s dinner and still the men would come running. Pretty pathetic really. I pushed past him too, ignoring his offering, and elbowed my way to the front of the bar. The bar tender shot me a smile and asked what I wanted. If this had been my usual bar she’d have known, but I’d been avoiding those haunts lately. I didn’t want to mix with the men I’d bedded. Pathetic I knew, but facing up to my mistakes was something I’d never been very good at, and walking into a bar knowing I’d fucked a good number of the patrons made me shudder. I didn’t like to be reminded of the fact that over the last few months I’d acted like a complete whore. I never saw myself like that, because it wasn’t me. It had never been me, not before Giles at least. Up till then I’d slept with a grand total of one other man, my first boyfriend, the one I’d pledged myself to from the ages of thirteen to nineteen. It was only after fuck number two, aka Giles, that I’d spiraled out of control. I paid the bartender for the drink and let my gaze wander across the room. It was so packed I had trouble making out anyone I knew, which again was a relief. It was weird really how quickly the numbers could start adding up. A man every month for four months was bad enough, but a man every couple of weeks soon screamed slut…. A woman to the right of me jostled my elbow, making a little of my drink spill. She mouthed a sorry and I smiled back. Something about her was familiar but I couldn’t place what exactly. Maybe the eyes? I knew I hadn’t fucked her. I hadn’t even started on the women yet. That thought was enough to make my smile widen and I turned back to the bar, elbows resting on it. Maybe I should start batting for

the other team? After all I was completely ruined for men—for the foreseeable future at least. I sighed and took a long swig of my drink. It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried to make myself like them. To call one up after a night in bed. God knew I had. Anything to make my heart stop aching and push away the crippling sadness that seemed to be rearing its head more and more lately. But it never worked. In reality I didn’t want any of them. I wanted one man and one man only. The image of him standing in my office fizzed through my mind and I finished my drink in one, grimacing as the alcohol hit my chest. It warmed me a little and I felt like crying. How fucking pathetic was I? How many more months was I going to act like this? When the hell was I going to sort myself out? The tears pricked and I shook my head, trying to make them stop. It seemed that coming to the bar wasn’t such a fab idea after all. Trouble was it wasn’t like I had anywhere else to go.

Chapter Four Giles: Why? Just tell me fucking why?

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. No, more that I didn’t want to believe it. Here, of all places? How, after avoiding her successfully for all these months, was she now firmly on my radar again? Were the fates intentionally fucking with me? “Giles?” “Huh?” “Are you listening?” I dragged my gaze away from Lucy to meet my sister Penelope’s enquiring look. “What, yeah, of course.” She shook her head. “No you weren’t you were eyeing the blonde at the bar.” I gulped, struck by the accuracy of that. Of course I was eyeing her. I seemed to spend my entire life eyeing Lucy, either physically—from a distance—or mentally, replaying our time together over and over in my mind. My body stirred and I had to grit my teeth to keep it under control. I was pitiable, or as Pen would say, needed to grow a pair. “I was not.” “Liar.” I shrugged. “Well, yes, okay I was. But I do actually know her.” “Really?” Pen asked. “Well, maybe you should go see if she’s okay. She’s not looking too good.” I swallowed dryly and gazed back at Lucy. Pen was right, she was not looking good. Not at all. Stood at the bar in the same clothes she’d had on when we’d had out meeting earlier, she looked frazzled and wrinkled. I’d managed to get home, shower and change before meeting my sister for our weekly catch up. Lucy must have worked late to not have bothered. Either that or she was on bar number whatever. I suspected I knew which was more probable. “How?” Pen’s soft tones interrupted my thoughts. “How what?” “How do you know her?” I shifted in my chair. Pen and I were very close, all our family were, but our other sister lived in England, as did our parents, so we

spent more time together than maybe we would have if there was other family about. Just a year younger than me we’d gotten into all sorts of scrapes when we were younger, especially as she’d been a tomboy. We spoke most every day and met up a couple of times a week for dinner or drinks. She knew all about Lucy because three days after that night, that God damn night, I’d headed off for my annual three week vacation to England, Pen in tow. The flight was a long one and she’d soon wormed everything out of me—mainly because I’d gotten steadily drunk on British Airways’ whisky. Once she’d gotten the whole story she’d been outraged at the treatment of her brother. Pen had wanted to confront Lucy—despite the fact by then we were thousands of miles away. I’d managed to talk her out of it, but she knew how badly I’d been affected by our night. She just seemed to know. I hadn’t even had to tell her that it wasn’t just about the fucking night! Hadn’t I already been well on my way to falling in love with Lucy long before then, damn it? Why else would I have been so torn up? “Earth to Giles….” I nudged my fork and took a deep breath. I didn’t want to tell Pen it was Lucy, but she’d get it out of me soon enough so it was easier to just fess up. “It’s her.” Pen gasped—knowing immediately what I meant. “Her, her.” “Yeah.” “Oh my God.” Pen forked a fry off my plate and popped it into her mouth. “Well, first thoughts, and there must be first thoughts so I don’t go over there and have words. She’s prettier than you made her sound.” I started. “I made her sound ugly?” Pen ate another one of my fries. “I’m eating these to keep my attention away from the bitch that broke your heart so don’t moan.” She pulled my plate across so it sat on hers, which was empty. “And to answer your question, no, you made her seem hard. Brittle. Like a bitch, I guess, and you never think of them as pretty do you?” “She is hard. She is brittle,” I insisted, “and you just ate an entire plate full of salad because you couldn’t have carbs apparently. Why are you eating mine? You do this every time.” Pen nodded her agreement. “Yes so why moan? You should order more because you expect it. Anyway she’s not now.”

“Who’s not?” “The bitch who broke your heart. She doesn’t look hard now, not at all.” I gazed back at Lucy and frowned. Pen was right. Right now Lucy did not look hard, she looked…sad. I watched carefully as one of the men next to her said something and pointed to her drink. Lucy peered down at the empty glass before shaking her head. She frowned, pushed the glass aside and dropped her head into her hands. Yes, she looked sad, and that made me feel…just as bad. “Go talk to her,” Pen said. I frowned. “No chance.” “Because?” Was she really asking me that? I shook my head and frowned. “You know why. Didn’t I tell you in detail, mainly because I had no choice? And didn’t you tell me never to go near the sneaky bitch again—your words.” Pen sighed and picked up my drink. “Giles, do you want me to be honest?” “No. I never want you to be honest, it’s painful. I wish I’d never told you about her.” She rolled her eyes. “Liar.” “Serious, Pen, don’t start this again.” Pen forked up the last fry and swallowed it down. “Well I will because you need to hear it.” I could have groaned. “And what exactly do I need to hear?” “You slept with her once,” Pen said, stating the obvious. “Yes.” “And after that nothing. You didn’t really give it a go at all.” I started and shot her an incredulous look. “You know why. Fucking hell, Pen, did I not explain it?” “Yes,” she agreed, “but it looks like she’s not doing any better than you.” “I’m doing just fine, thanks.” “No, you’re not. You’re in a state. You know it and I know it.” She reached out and placed her hand across mine. “If anything you should just clear the air. You can’t move on until you’ve got some sort of resolution. You need to talk to her about what happened. Get some sort of closure. We were in England for three weeks after it happened and then you came back and Lucy was in, well, wherever

the hell she went, so nearly a month and a half passed before you saw her again, and you just ignored her.” I glared. “Of course I did. What else was I going to do? And you sound like an American. Closure? Really?” “Well, we’ve been here long enough for me to pick up the lingo.” I looked at Lucy again, my heart throbbing in a strange fashion. She looked so lost. Why the hell had she come to a bar if all she was going to do was stand there with an empty glass and glare at people? Why wasn’t she at home? What was she doing? And why the hell did I care, damn it! “Oh, that’s my phone,” Pen said, interrupting my thoughts. “I gotta go.” “What? You dragged me out because your date dumped you.” Pen flashed me a smile and gathered her bag. “Well, yes…but ummm….” “But?” Pen laughed and grabbed her bag. “I’ll leave you to settle the bill. You need to go to the bar btw.” I glared. “Why are you doing this? Weren’t you the one who called her the bitch who broke my heart? Didn’t you tell me never to go near her again? To get some self-respect?” Pen nodded. “Yeah, I did, but I didn’t expect four months later for you to still be moping around. This is for your own good. You can’t move on until you sort this out. So go. Get some fucking resolution already.”

Chapter Five Lucy: You sleep around you’re gonna bump into them. That’s just the way it goes. Sex boomerangs.

I was debating whether to have another drink or just admit defeat. I could go home, have a steaming hot bath, eat some much needed food and fall asleep. If I timed it all right I could be wrapped up in my duvet before the clock struck midnight. A long night’s sleep. I so rarely made it through the night in one go these days. Of course all those hours by myself with no distraction were going to be hard, but looking down into my empty glass now, and maybe because of today’s events, I felt something strangely like resolution whisper through me. I realized in that moment that I was going to have to do it at some point. Work things through, because my current strategy was getting me nowhere. Just more of the same. I looked up from the bar, the decision made to head home. But before I could so much as move a weird tingling travelled down my back. I shivered and pushed my glass aside, grabbed my messenger bag and slung it over my shoulder. Someone was watching me and as the tingles increased the face of the girl who’d jostled me flashed through my mind. The connection was made in an instant. Of course she’d looked familiar! I’d seen her at the office more than once. Giles’ sister, Penelope, which meant…. “Giles…” “Lucy.” In comparison to my breathless whisper his greeting was clipped. “I…” I swallowed and shifted, not even sure what to say. He looked so freaking good. Dressed in jeans and a checked blue shirt, his hazel hair falling over his eyes, and those amazing eyes boring into me. I’d always had a thing about the eyes. A thing about all of it, if I was honest. The fact that he towered over me, the fact his chest was so broad. That night we’d spent together he’d gathered me in his arms and made me feel so fragile. Delicate, like a flower, or something precious. Of course that feeling lasted about as long as every other good feeling in my life. “I didn’t expect to bump into you here,” I said, and I was proud that my voice came out sounding pretty much normal.

“I come here every week with my sister,” he replied. “Penelope.” “Yes.” Well, that was this bar scribbled off my boomerang list. I swallowed, shifted again and racked my brain for something to say. It had been so long since we’d spoken like this. After that night Giles had disappeared for weeks, and then I’d gone off on vacation and a month and a half had passed. After that, nothing until the meeting today. Nothing. “I—” “What the hell are you doing?” he asked and I started. “Excuse me?” “You heard,” he said. “You’re still in your work clothes. Is this the first bar you’ve been to? Or are you on number five or six?” Outrage fluttered through me, chasing away the longing of just a moment ago. The hurt too, which was a miraculous feeling in itself. I’d been working late for crikes sake! Trying to find a way out of my predicament. To do what he’d asked me to! I glared at him, gripped my bag until my fingers hurt and hissed back, “How dare you! And more to the point what fucking business is it of yours?” Without so much as a warning he pulled me to him. His palm wrapped around my upper arm. Heat raced from that spot down to my fingers and I jerked. Memories threatened to overwhelm me and I pulled back. How could his touch still affect me like this? After all these months? When no other man’s did. God freaking knew I’d tried my hardest to find one. “It’s not,” Giles grated. “What you do is nothing to do with me. But I wanted to stop you making some sort of fool of yourself all over again.” The outrage intensified, battling with the startling feeling of being so close to him. Ignore it, I told myself. You hate him, hate him…don’t you? But already my stomach was doing little flips and I could feel heat racing across my skin. “And what exactly do you mean by that?” He waved his free hand around the bar. “Planning to pick one of these up, were you? Take another one home just like you did with me?” “Excuse me?”

“No doubt there’s a bloody queue willing to allow it if office gossip is to be believed.” He was seething, practically a different man to the one in my office just earlier in the day. Part of me thrilled to see it but the other part raced in confusion. Like full on what-the-fuck-confusion. Why should Giles care how many men I fucked? What difference did it make to him? And more to the point why was he even here, gripping me to him like he was never going to let go? Surely the moment he’d spotted me he should have made a run for it, like he always did. “And if I was?” I said, unable to resist. “Why should you care?” “We’re colleagues—” “You can’t stand the sight of me.” “Is that right?” I tugged my arm but he didn’t let go. “Yes. It is. So let me go. Now.” He pulled me closer. “It’s easy for you, isn’t it?” he said. “A trail of men through your bed and you just chuck them out in the morning like it means nothing.” I shook my head, adrenaline running through me. Tingling along my veins like a long remembered whisper. I could feel my nipples puckering, actually feel them pushing themselves out. One touch, just one fucking touch and they were there—perking up, wanting him. How pathetic. I glared and tugged my arm again.“Your point?” “There is no point,” he growled. “No point beyond the fact that I’d like to spare one of these poor fools the experience.” He was goading me, making me feel a million different things. Loathing, lust. Hate, love. Anger, excitement. And all the while my body clamored towards him. Wanting more than a mere touch. Damn him. I reacted in my usual fashion. How could I not? “Men do it all the time. I don’t see anyone saying anything to them.” “I don’t care what other people do.” “I—” “I haven’t fucked them,” he interrupted. “But you…” I gasped. It was the first time I’d ever heard him refer to what happened between us. To admit it had ever happened. The look in his eyes made me shiver in an unbearable way. He was standing so close. Too close. I never imagined I’d be this close to him again. The

distance between us was negligible. His hand gripping me so tight, his breath heating my face. I could smell lemons. The citrus scent he wore was everywhere. I was bathed in it. “Me what?” I whispered. He shouldn’t have even heard me over the din of the bar. “You,” he said. “You, I have fucked. And had the wonderful experience of being thrown out the next morning.”

Chapter Six Giles: You can’t have closure with someone you feel so deeply for. You just can’t.

Why was I doing this? What was wrong with me? There she stood. Her chest heaving, her tongue darting out to moisten her lips, and I wanted her so badly. I wanted to drape her across the bar, bunch her skirt up and bury myself so deeply she’d never think of another man. But I’d already done that, hadn’t I? And it hadn’t worked. She’d soon moved onto the next, and the next, and the next…. Jealousy reared again and I tried to bat it down. To push it into the place it had lived all these months but it wouldn’t go. It seemed that our meeting had opened the floodgates and no matter what I tried the dam was surging forth. I couldn’t stop it. “That’s not quite how I remember it,” Lucy said. I opened my mouth to retort but someone jostled me, and I lost my grip on her arm. I took my wallet out of my pocket, beckoned to the bartender and dropped a fifty on the counter, pointing to my table. She nodded, scooped the money up and retreated to serve another customer. I grabbed Lucy’s arm again and dragged her to the bar entrance. I thought I heard her splutter and pull back, but I ignored it. I had no intention of discussing this in front of a bunch of people, and discuss it we were going to. Pen was right. The time had long since come and gone. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to get this over and done with. We halted outside the bar and I took a ragged breath. “Then how do you remember it, Lucy?” She pulled on her arm again. I did not let go. “What does it matter?” “I’m sure it doesn’t for someone who has a different man every weekend, but I’d finally like to fucking know.” She shivered and shook her head. “Why?” Why? I opened my mouth, closed it and opened it again. Why indeed, what the hell was I supposed to say to that? Because I can’t stop thinking about you? Because I’m sick to death of feeling like this? Because I have to know why you didn’t want me? “Because I

deserve an explanation,” I finally settled on. “Today has shown us that until we talk this thing through we’re not gonna be able to work together.” “Maybe you should have thought about that four months ago,” Lucy said. I was so startled by her words that my grip on her arm slackened and she pulled herself free. “What?” She took a step back and shot me a glare. “You know, after you walked out and then disappeared for weeks on end.” “I walked out on you?” I growled. “You chucked me out.” “That’s a fucking lie!” Confusion shot across my mind and I grappled to pull it back into place. The memories of that morning hit me and I growled. Lucy stood there in a skimpy towel, the dazzling smile of moments ago gone. Replaced by blazing anger. “How dare you look through my phone!” Me shifting, baffled by her words. “I didn’t. I was just going to bring it to you so you could answer the call.” Lucy grabbing the iPhone, where the words “Alex calling” continued to flash. “You had no right.” “What the hell’s the matter with you? I was just coming to give it to you in case it was important. I see now it clearly was. Who the fuck is he, Lucy? How many other men call you at three in the morning?” “What?” “A man calls a woman at this time for one thing and one thing only. Unless it’s a family member? Is it?” Lucy stiffening. “I have no family.” I shuddered and pushed the memories aside, but even as I did my cock hardened, completely against my will. Lucy stood in that towel. The same Lucy now shivering in front of me. How fucking beautiful she was. How much I’d reveled in burying my shaft to the hilt. I wanted her so badly, and it was all just so wrong. “You know what happened,” she said, dragging my thoughts back. “You were there.” “I was pissed off another man was calling you,” I said, trying to keep my anger in check and willing my cock to deflate. It was so distracting. How easy it would be to forget everything and just take

her. To pretend she wanted me as I wanted her. To just lie to myself for a little while…. “You looked through my phone,” she hissed. I growled. “No, how many times do I have to say it? I didn’t. But you have an iPhone, sweetheart, the name flashes up when someone calls. Just like it did that night, and excuse fucking me if I expected the woman I was sleeping with to have the decency not to be sleeping with other men!” “We fucked once.” The words she used told me everything I needed to know. Fucked. Not slept with, not spent time together. Just fucked. The anger drained away. Replaced all over again with the wearying feeling that had plagued me for so long. “We’d been building up to it for weeks,” I said slowly. “We both knew that, and I thought….” I halted, running a hand through my hair. “What?” she prompted. “What did you think?” That it was the start of something. That maybe…. I shook my head and stepped back, putting even more distance between us. My heart was heavy and my judgment was clearly so far off the scale it wasn’t even funny. “It doesn’t matter anymore.” “Giles—” “Forget it, Lucy. Let’s just forget it.” Because I knew then in that moment that I should never have come over and spoken to her. Never have tried to get any sort of closure. It was never going to happen. Impossible. The only way forward now was to let this go. Just forget it all. And so I turned and I walked away, planning on doing just that.

Chapter Seven Lucy: It’s always the waiting that’s the hardest. Like Christmas I guess, though that’s not something I’d know much about.

We still had work to do. That was inescapable. So I’d expected Giles to be in my office the morning after the fuck up at the bar, and the morning after that one, and the one after that one. But he was nowhere to be seen. I spent day after day sat at my desk, drumming my fingers, trying to finish presentations and looking for new accounts I could bag to balance my budgets, all the while wondering when he was going to walk through the door. It reminded me a little of the first week after ‘the night that must not be named,’ before Giles had headed off to England. I’d thought back then, well hoped I guess, that he’d come in at some point to apologize, but he never did. He never fucking did. The tension was the same now, me jumping at every little noise, worrying my bottom lip and drinking vats of coffee in an attempt to slow my racing heart. Which obviously had the opposite effect, I was jittering like some sort of teenager after a Red Bull trip. “What the hell are you up to, Giles?” I hissed on the fourth day of being kept waiting. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to see him, because God knows my temper was not up to another round, and neither was my heart either when it came right down to it. Not after his weird behavior outside the bar. But I wanted to know what he was planning. What he’d decided to do about my budgets before the department heads met up. Now I had no idea and would probably end up embarrassed in front of the others. I didn’t care what Gabe thought about me, but I didn’t want Pam to see me look bad. She was my best friend, my only friend if truth be told, and I wanted her good opinion. “Leaving me to stew,” I muttered as Outlook flashed up the meeting reminder. “Making me look like an idiot in front of my friend.” It occurred to me as I minimized the meeting reminder that maybe I should have made more of an effort to confront him and demand his results. Had it been anyone else I would have. I’d have flirted and charmed or even bullied the information out of him. This was Giles though, and the most I’d been able to do was walk past his

office a couple of times, all the while thinking of the moment he’d dragged me out of the bar. The humiliation and the hate I’d felt mixed in with all the rest. But the door was shut tight, and there was no way at all I’d have dared open it. My heart raced at the very thought and a mixture of loathing and longing filled me. It seemed to be more pronounced now, the anger and the want, more so than it had been these last months. Maybe because, discounting the showdowns of the last couple of days, we hadn’t even been alone together apart from the one time we’d accidently ended up in the office kitchen making hot drinks. That was about a month ago. He’d bolted as soon as he realized, of course, taking a mug of hot milk minus the coffee. Maybe he thought I hadn’t noticed? Or maybe he just wanted hot milk and wasn’t so repulsed by my presence that he couldn’t stand the time it took to scoop up some granules. I expected the woman I was sleeping with to have the decency not to be sleeping with other men. Only I wasn’t, and if he’d known me in anyway he would never have suggested…. I shook my head and moved a pile of papers. Thinking once again about how different Giles’ remembrance of that night was to mine. He thinking Alex was some other man, when of course he wasn’t, not like that. I paused in my paper movage and wondered, as I had so many times, if I should have explained…but no. Giles should have known me well enough to trust me. We’d been building up to that night for so long. Near on dating. He should have realized, shouldn’t have assumed…. And you should have told him the truth, a little voice whispered. I ignored it. A bit of flirting and one, well, three good fucks, was not enough of anything to be spilling my painful secrets on. And clearly I’d been right to feel that way. Building up to it, Luce…. I scowled and scrunched a sheet of paper in my hand. Yes we had been, just as Giles had said, but it was now so royally fucked up that I couldn’t think of it that way. Couldn’t torture myself with the knowledge that if not for Alex we might be dating still now. “Giles,” I sighed and took a deep breath. He wanted to forget it. He’d made that abundantly clear. I had to do the same now. I had to. Build up or no. Almost dating or not. The meeting reminder flashed again on my screen, telling me that I had five minutes to get my ass up to Gabe’s office. I rolled up one of my latest campaigns, grabbed the bunch of papers I’d been

fiddling with and straightened up. I had to show them I was busy doing something, trying to make things right. After all I had no idea what Giles was going to tell everyone. Lucy’s spent all the money. I can’t save her department, might as well fire them all. I shuddered and grabbed another roll of paper. This proposal was in the early stages and probably wouldn’t win us any business, but it couldn’t hurt to maybe suggest it might. “Come on, Luce,” I told myself. “Chin up and get this over with.” I smoothed down my tight red dress, shook my hair out and made my way up to the boss’s den. Staff alternatively smiled and glared at me as I walked past them. That was the way I rolled I guessed, like Marmite, love me or hate me. It’d just be nicer if more liked than hated. Gabe’s PA did smile at me in a nervous sort of way, but she did that with everyone. I strode through her office and I gave her a nod. Got to look composed, got to look like I don’t fucking care. It was the laughter that halted me in my stride. Coming from behind the closed office door. Pam’s was recognizable immediately, as was Gabe’s—he always laughed around her—and then Giles. The three of them were in there, laughing together, maybe over one of Pam’s geeky jokes, or Giles’ dry wit. The lump reformed, my chest felt like someone had sat upon it, that someone being a super huge weightlifter, and I gritted my teeth. It had been so damn long since Giles had laughed with me, so many months. Loathing and longing filled me again and I had to make a concerted effort to shake it off. He should have known, should have trusted me. Trouble was, in that moment I didn’t know what I was more nervous about. The meeting itself or sitting across from Giles, knowing now without a doubt that he really, really did not want me, that all he wanted was some sort of explanation, a resolution maybe. But not me, certainly not me. Which was ridiculous, I told myself. Hadn’t I already known that for crikes sake? Hadn’t I known it for months? It was the moment outside the bar, as he’d turned to walk away. When I’d seen it clear in his eyes. When he’d left, leaving me feeling like some sort of nothing. Before that, if I was honest with myself, some small part of me was still holding on to a sliver of hope.

No more though, that was gone forever now. My hands tightened around the papers and I swallowed unsteadily. Some sort of nothing…. When would it start to feel better? When? “They’re waiting for you,” Gabe’s PA said and I cringed, realizing that she’d been watching me stand outside the door like an idiot. More than anything else it was imperative that I kept up my persona at work. Lucy heartbroken by Giles. I could just imagine the gossip and sniggers that would follow me if that ever got out. I’d have no choice then but to leave, and losing my job was so not an option. People depended on me. Alex being one of them. Chin up, Luce. Put the mask back on. Don’t let him see how much it hurts. “Just checking my papers,” I said, casting Gabe’s PA a smile over my shoulder, and then I pushed the door open and watched as the laughter of just a moment ago died.

Chapter Eight Giles: Guilt is a tricky thing, but then so too, sometimes, is desire.

In keeping with my resolution to let it go I’d planned to avoid Lucy for as long as possible. Well, at least until I sorted her budget out. I could have spoken to her of course, more than that I should have. There were a number of transactions she could have clarified for me, a whole bunch of receipts that didn’t match anything in particular. An hour with her would have saved me several working through things on my own. But every time I stood up, ready to go to her office, I found myself pausing. I imagined looking into her brilliant eyes, watching her plump lips move, and knew that an hour of that was likely to be an hour too much. After the way I’d lost it outside the bar I didn’t trust myself to keep my emotions under the control, and there could be nothing more humiliating than Lucy realizing just what a fool I’d been all these months. So it seemed much easier to just get it done myself. Then I could hand her everything back over with a clear solution. I’d have my closure. Of course I could have given everything to one of my junior accountants to do, as this sort of thing was more their job than mine. Let everyone know just how deep in the shit Lucy was. But something made me pause—again. A lingering bit of loyalty? A feeling of sympathy? I didn’t know. But I ended up doing it all myself in the end. It made a warped kind of sense to me. Now watching her across the oval table we all sat around I felt guilt trickle down my spine. She pulled open roll after roll of paper, spreading them out in front of Gabe and Pam. “I think we have a really good chance with this one,” she said. “If we pick this one up it will clear my deficit.” She paused and pushed another sheet forward. “This one here is bound to come our way.” Her movements were frantic. Her fingers shaky. Gabe and Pam didn’t seem to pick up on it, but I did. Maybe because they aren’t watching her as closely as you, my mind whispered. I frowned as she fumbled some of her notes. Surely she couldn’t be nervous? That wasn’t anything like Lucy at all. But then would it be so surprising if she was? She didn’t know what I’d been doing with her

finances, how bad it all looked…because I hadn’t told her. The guilt trickled again. “This looks really good, Lucy,” Gabe said. “But right now we need to focus on making sure your budget will be workable for the rest of the year. How’s that coming?” Lucy smoothed down the roll of paper in front of her and for the first time since coming into the room shot me a look. I could decipher nothing from her gaze, nothing at all, and that frustrated the hell out of me. I paused, waiting to see what she might say, but the moment held. Our eyes locked. I opened my mouth but she beat me to the punch. “Well,” she began, and I almost groaned as her tongue darted out to moisten her bottom lip. The tongue of a temptress…I could easily remember how it had felt dancing around my cock head…. “Giles and I—” “It’s coming along fine,” I said, surprising myself with the words that had formed before she’d even spoken. “We should have a solution early next week.” Lucy’s eyes widened before she ducked her head, taking those unfathomable eyes away from me. Gabe grinned. “That’s excellent news.” “I knew you’d get it sorted,” Pam said, smiling at both of us. “Any idea how much you’re going to be needing to shore things up?” Gabe asked. I shrugged. “We’ll be working on that this evening.” Lucy’s eyes met mine again. There was a question in them now. The same question running through my own thoughts. This evening? It had just slipped out before I’d even thought it through, but my entire psyche screamed a no! I didn’t need to spend any damn time with her. I could get it all done myself. God damn, sitting in a darkened room alone with her was the last thing I needed right now. My cock stirred, arguing with me, and I shifted on my chair. Her dress was just so tight. Like she’d worn it deliberately knowing what it would do to me. The red fabric hugging her tiny breasts, molding the curves. I could see them so clearly in my thoughts. Those honeyed little globes, with their rich dusky nipples. They’d felt so good under my tongue. I’d laved them and laved them until she screamed.

My cock stiffened to the point of pain and I almost groaned. Why were these thoughts plaguing me now? Why? Hadn’t I gone all these months ignoring them? Damn her! It had to be the memories. They’d pushed themselves forth these past few days, refusing to go away. I went to bed thinking about her and woke up thinking about her. It was completely fucked up. I took a deep breath, as she answered one of Gabe’s questions. Mentally upbraiding myself even while I let the soft tones of her voice wash over me. It was so soft, ridiculous really considering she was so hard inside. No, I let the breath out and clenched my teeth shut. I would not fall into her clutches again, would not let her play me for a fool. She’d no doubt like nothing better than me running around after her like some sort of puppy. Watching as I burned for her, laughing over the fact that she didn’t want me back…. Let the mysterious fucking Alex have her. A question was asked, to me. I answered yes without even knowing what I was agreeing to. Everyone nodded so it must have been the right answer. Still I cursed my lack of concentration. Now was not the time to be letting my attention slip. Forget this evening. I’d get it done alone. It was too dangerous to spend any more time with her. I’d end up doing something I would regret, I just knew it. The meeting continued. Work plans were discussed, new accounts, team appraisals. I listened with half an ear—just in case another question came my way. Most of my time though I spent watching Lucy—against my will. My thoughts scattered and confused. She on the other hand did not look at me again. She kept her gaze locked on either Pam or Gabe and thought it was unreasonable of me, considering my resolve of just moments ago, as the minutes ticked by I felt anger building. I was saving her ass, wasn’t I? And doing it without having to even bother her! “How’s your new guy getting on?” I heard Pam ask. “The marketing assistant?” Lucy laughed. “He’s good. Only twenty. So young. Don’t worry, I’ll have him up to scratch in no time.” Jealousy filled me. Swift and shocking. Would she bed this new assistant of hers? Like she did everyone else? Like Alex? And why the hell did I care? Why now? Why after all this time? Why couldn’t I get the fuck over her?

A half hour later the meeting came to a close and Lucy hurriedly gathered her papers. Her gaze was on the table, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. The confusion, the jealousy, the anger—they all joined together and I growled. Why the hell couldn’t she just look at me! I imagined bending her over my knee and spanking the shit out of her pert little ass until she apologized. For what? the sane part of my mind asked. What the hell do you want her to apologize for? For everything, the insane part replied, for leaving me stuck in this fucking limbo. Before I’d even thought it through, I shot a hand out to cover hers, stilling her movements. “We need to go over some stuff,” I said, and my words were choked, even I could hear that. The feel of Lucy’s soft skin beneath my own was like opening up the floodgates of my memories. The good ones, the ones that made the last months of pain and anger even seem worth it sometimes. What the hell was I doing? “I…” She paused. “Of course. The budget.” She looked up at the clock and I followed her. It was nearly five. The day was coming to a close. Everyone would be leaving soon. Why did that thought excite me? What the hell was wrong with me? “My office,” I said. “Five minutes.” She nodded, pulled her hand free from mine and grabbed the rest of her papers. Her hands were still shaky, her chest heaving beneath the scarlet dress. So fucking apt. “Lucy?” I prompted, though I don’t know what I expected her to say. “Yes,” she whispered. “Five minutes.” Our eyes met and something, something all wrong pulsed between us. Stop this now, the sane part of my mind shouted. The insane part laughed.

Chapter Nine Lucy: You never understand the whole moth to the flame thing until you fall in love. Then it makes perfectly depressing sense.

I stood outside Giles’ door wondering whether to knock or just stride on in. He’d expect me to do that, to toss my hair and send him a flirty smile. It’s what I would always have done before the ‘night that must not be named’. Everything was different now though. I looked down the corridor, watching as one of the cleaners, Carrie, zoomed past with her Dyson. She shot me a smile and I returned it. Though no one else in the office would ever know it I had far more in common with the cleaners than I did any of them. But for the grace of bitchdom I’d be doing the same thing right now. I lifted a hand, dropped it and lifted it again. What to do? Ninety-nine percent of me actually wanted to run in the other direction entirely. Run and never look back. The other one percent was desperate to look into his eyes and feel again. A little bit of pleasure for a whole heap of pain. What was wrong with me? In the end though I didn’t have a choice—I knew it. I had to get this done, he had my budget information and I needed it. And maybe it would be easier now I’d accepted the truth. Yeah. You tell yourself that. I hiked up my tights, smoothed down my dress and pushed the door open. Resolve settling across my body. No choice. “Lucy.” Giles was against his desk, sort of half sitting on it. He’d stripped off his suit jacket and loosened his tie. My traitorous heart gave a little stutter and I shifted my gaze across to his laptop. “Giles.” “I wanted to go over the work I’ve done,” he said. “So you know what’s going on. I should have done so earlier, my apologies, we’ve been very busy.” I nodded. “Come see the figures,” he said. He moved around the desk and settled into his chair, and I watched him as he walked, feeling like all kinds of a fool. He caught

my gaze before I had the chance to look away and I felt heat rise up my face. Shit. “You need to be around here to see the screen,” he said, stating the oh-so obvious. I gulped, gave myself a mental shake and followed him round, dropping my papers and phone on his desk before moving as close as I dared to look at the spreadsheet. It was too close. There was less than a few inches between us—and the lack of distance did funny things to my composure. I shivered. He was so close I could see the stubble on his jaw line, his hair falling in disarray. How I wanted to reach out and run a hand through those locks, to trace the pattern of his face. I could just imagine his response if I tried. “You might need to lean in a little here,” he continued. I did, holding my breath the entire time, all the while frantic thoughts running through my mind. Surely he was bound to hear the race of my heart, the shakes that were already beginning? My mouth was dry, my legs trembling. I cursed the one percent, wishing I’d listened to the ninety-nine. “Look here,” Giles said, pointing to the spreadsheet. “I’ve balanced your expenditure by moving across another thirty-five thousand.” I exhaled in shock. “Thirty-five….” “It’s that bad,” he confirmed. “I don’t know how the hell you blew so much, Lucy.” Breathing out was a mistake. It meant I had to breathe in again. Which meant I could smell his aftershave. It teased my nostrils and nudged a whole bunch of memories. He smelled like citrus again. Clean and tangy and I shifted a little to the left, putting some distance between us. Thinking instead about all the money I’d lost. It was far more than I’d anticipated. The extravagant presentations, the bonuses I’d given my staff. It all flashed through my head and I sighed. “If I get the account I went for last week I should make about twenty,” I said. “And there are a few others in the pipeline. The one’s I showed everyone in the team meeting.” “That won’t make a difference,” Giles said. “You’ve still got wages and suppliers to pay. You’re going to have to go in the red this year and increase your earnings next year.” “Right....”

“So your team will be putting a lot of hours in next financial year,” he continued. “Gabe doesn’t want any redundancies, so everyone is going to have to put a bit more time in. You most of all, Lucy. You are their boss after all and this is your fault.” “Yes.” It was easier to just agree with him—mainly because he was right. Fact was I’d always had trouble with the math. I was a creative person, not a finance type. How I’d ended up department head was something that still shocked me. Whilst I could easily handle all of the marketing activity I struggled daily with the HR and the money. Guilt squirmed through me and though I loathed him, I sent Gabe a silent thank you. Other bosses might well have insisted I fire a few people, and that would be my fault. Those people jobless, not being able to pay their rent or feed their families. I squirmed some more as I realized then that I wouldn’t be allowed to go this far into the red a second year in a row. I was pretty damn sure Gabe’s patience would not stretch that far. “I’m going to need some training,” I said, and the words burnt. The honesty hurt—mainly because it was to Giles. But something had to give and it couldn’t be me. I couldn’t afford to lose my job. I needed the money—badly. Yet at the same time I couldn’t put other people’s jobs at risk. “In what?” he asked. “Budget management.” “So you can’t handle that side of your job?” Giles said and the edge to his words was way too satisfied for my liking. I moved away from the desk, away from the citrus floating in the air, and faced him with a good meter of wood between us. “I just need a little bit of help,” I insisted. “Pam’s offered, but she’s so busy and I’d feel bad taking her free time, assuming Gabe would even let her.” “You’d feel bad?” he asked, the tone of his voice enough to tell me he doubted it. “Yes,” I grated through clenched teeth. “Pam’s my friend.” “So she is.” He paused. “Who then?” I shrugged, even as my heart continued to race. Because this had to be a new low for me, having to ask for help from the man who’d sent me into my tailspin. “I thought maybe one of your junior accountants.”

Silence pulsed between us for a few moments. I counted the pens on his desk. “It might help if you actually looked at me when you ask for help, Lucy,” Giles said softly. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you it’s rude to look off into the distance when you’re talking to someone?” I gulped and met his eyes. Looked at him properly. Why was this so difficult? Why did it hurt so damn much? “Is that better?” I asked. He shook his head slowly, his eyes boring into mine. “I haven’t got any junior accountants to spare. They’re all tied up. It’s the end of the financial year soon.” “Right.” Maybe I would take Pam up on her offer after all then. Ignore the fact she was so busy and just be thankful to have a friend who was willing to put herself out for me. She’d sort things out with Gabe if she needed to, hell she had that man wrapped around her finger. “Forget I asked.” Giles leaned forward on his desk, putting him even closer to me. I gulped. “I notice you didn’t ask me for help.” “Well, no.” “Why?” he asked. I gulped again. It was so damn hot in here and why the hell wasn’t my heart slowing? I’d probably end up having a heart attack in Giles’ office. He’d have to feel something then surely? That thought gave me some satisfaction and I spoke before thinking. “We don’t exactly work very well together,” I said. “We never did, even before….” I halted, panic slithering down my spine. Why the hell had I said that? After the night at the bar it was completely the wrong thing to say. To bring it up again! Shit. Giles shot up and moved around the desk before I even realized his intentions. I backed up, but there was only so much room available to me. A couple of steps and my shoulder blade met the filing cabinet. “Before what?” he said, and his voice was deadly. I shrugged, trying to look composed, but failing epically “Nothing. I just meant…nothing. It doesn’t matter.” “No, Lucy, by all means finish your sentence,” he insisted. “Call it exactly what you think it is.”

The night we fucked. Wasn’t that what I’d said? I swallowed and ran my damp palms down my skirt, wanting more than anything to push past him and go home. Yes, home. Not to a bar or a club, but to sink into my couch, pull a comforter around me and watch trash TV—just as I had the last few nights. “Let it go, Giles,” I said. “Wasn’t that what you were going to do?” He growled. “I was. Though you don’t seem to be able to.” How right he was, though he didn’t really know it. I can’t let you go…. The words whispered through my mind and with them came anger. Wonderful, beautiful anger, straight to my rescue, overriding the nerves and the hurt enough that I could give him a snarky smile. “Don’t flatter yourself.” “Then why bring it up?” “A slip of the tongue.” “So finish the slip,” Giles demanded. “Finish it, Lucy, once and for fucking all.” I glared and tossed my hair back. Loathing and longing pulsing through me. “Before we nearly made a huge mistake.” “A mistake?” He stepped even closer. “Is that what you’re calling it? I got the impression we did make it, never mind nearly. I have some very vivid memories of our…mistake.” “No, Giles,” I said “A mistake would have been doing it more than once. That night was just….” I waved my hands, trying to find the words to sum it up in as nasty a way as I could. “A blip. Something that should never have happened. I realized that the moment you went mental over a stupid phone call.” “A phone call from another man!” “Whatever. It’s done now, just like you wanted.” “Is that right?” I could feel tension radiating off him—which made no sense—but maybe he was as angry as I was. After all, no man liked to be labeled a blip and certainly not one as masculine as Giles. “Yes it is,” I insisted, eyeing the door. “Thank God I learnt my lesson in time.” “But you haven’t,” Giles said, practically seething. “You’ve got a whole lot to learn yet, sweetheart.”

Chapter Ten Giles: A step, a sigh and then you’re right back in the game.

I pulled her into my arms, ignoring her gasp of outrage, and wound my arms around her slim waist. She fit so perfectly and anger pulsed through me. A mistake, was I? A blip? So finally she’d admitted it! Just like I’d known all along. Damn her, I’d show her a mistake. My mouth found hers before she could stop me and all at once it was like coming home. She mewed against my lips, but again I took no notice. I consumed her mouth, thrusting my tongue in, demanding her acceptance. She stiffened in my arms, pushing against me, and I was sure she was going to deny me. Push me off. Tell me there was no chance in hell of this ever happening. A mistake…Just a fuck…. But then she melted, I could actually feel it. Her resistance went, her body molded against my own, her tongue found mine and I wanted to shout my satisfaction. We kissed for what seemed like hours, days, but was maybe only minutes. I didn’t know. Pleasure wrapped around my body, pulsed along my cock, filled my mind. How many nights had I taken myself in hand, pleasured my own shaft, all the while thoughts of her slipping in? And now I had her. Now she was in my arms again. It was almost too much to comprehend and because of that, in that moment it didn’t matter that she didn’t want me like I wanted her, that I was going to be just another fuck, another mistake. I’d take it. It was enough right now. It would have to be. I backed her up against the filing cabinet and ran her dress up her thighs until it bunched around her waist. She moaned and undulated against me, ramping up my excitement to the point of unbearable. The kiss deepened and I lifted her into my arms. She weighed hardly anything. Her legs wrapped around me and my hands moved underneath her perfect ass, squeezing and molding. I could feel the heat of her pussy against my dick and I almost shot my load right there and then. But I’d waited too long for this. So many months waiting that I knew I’d hold on. Without really thinking about it I turned and dropped her on the edge of my desk. The movement was enough for our lips to

unlock and I paused, wondering if now would be the moment she’d refuse me. But the look on her face caught me by surprise. She was flushed, excitement and something I couldn’t quite identify sparkling in her eyes. She reached up, undid my tie, and popped the buttons of my shirt, exposing my chest, the muscles I knew she’d loved the last time I’d had her. “Touch me, Luce,” I whispered. “Let me feel your hands on me.” She complied. Running along my pecs, across my ab muscles, before leaning in and taking one of my nipples in her mouth. She tugged on it, nipped it and my dick almost burst through my zipper. I reached down and let it out, then nudged her thighs apart. “My tights,” she whispered. “I need to…” I ripped them along the length of the crotch. Scarlet panties that were already drenched flashed through the material. I ripped those too. “Giles!” Her voice held a world of shock, but there was no fucking way I was giving her even a moment to think about what we were doing. The idea that she might realize what the hell was going on and push me aside with a taunting look and a snarky smile horrified me. I had to have her! I fucking had to. She was driving me crazy and though I knew this was wrong in so many ways I was too far gone to care. Anger and lust drove me. Tomorrow would be the time for regrets, not now. Not when I had exactly what I wanted mere inches from me. “Open you legs, Luce,” I said. “Nice and wide for me.” “Are we really going to do this?” she whispered. “Fuck?” I asked. “Yes.” To answer her I took either side of the vertical split at the top of her scarlet dress, the part that allowed far too much cleavage to peek through, and ripped that too. She gasped. I ignored it. There they were. Those perfect, tiny breasts. I pushed her bra aside, almost smiling as I felt the padding in it. Then bent down and took one of her lovely tits in my mouth. She was so small I could fit the whole nipple and nearly the whole breast in. It felt so fucking good. “Giles…oohhh…yes….”

I licked and laved and nipped and she loved it. She writhed against me, panting and moaning. Her hand fisted into my hair, pushing me against her. I switched across to the other one and gave it equal attention. “More, oh, God, more.” “There’s plenty more,” I said, pulling away from her luscious breasts, the words tumbling from me. “Why haven’t you realized I’d always give you more?” Our eyes met. Something all wrong pulsing across us again. “Giles,” she whispered. “I….” And then without so much as another word, without so much as a warning, I buried my cock in her pussy.

Chapter Eleven Lucy: It’s only a mistake if you regret it after…and I would, so yeah it probably was, damn it.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, my mind chanted. Wrong. My body disagreed. Right, right, right, it screamed. Right. I shook my head trying to clear it. Confusion prodding me, entreating me to stop, to think about what the hell I was doing. It warred with the pleasure erupting from my nipples, like a zoom shot straight down to my clit, begging me to carry on. Dual desires, each dragging at me in different directions. I knew which I wanted to win, and with each flick of Giles’ tongue the odds got shorter. “More, oh, God, more,” I begged, knowing I needed the pleasure to chase away the confusion. That was what I wanted, wasn’t it? What I’d longed for all this time. Giles complied. Pulling my nipple into his mouth, laving it across the roof. Budding it to the point where I thought I’d scream. I pulled on his hair, pushing him closer and he did not stop me. Why this was happening I didn’t know. It was all kinds of wrong, all kinds of right, but I didn’t want to analyze it. I wanted to feel, to experience, and ignore the doubts and worries. After all these months I deserved that much at least, didn’t I? “There’s plenty more,” Giles said, pulling away from my breasts. “Why haven’t you realized I’d always give you more?” The confusion reared again. What did he mean? I looked up trying to understand and saw something in his expression I’d never seen before. I couldn’t even begin to identify it. “Giles,” I sighed. “I….” He plunged into me before I could say another word and I screamed in pleasure. I was full, completely full for the first time in so long. No one, none of the other men had even come close. Why hadn’t I realized that? None of them could, or would, ever feel like Giles. None had his cock, his perfect, thick cock. “Oh, God, yes,” I moaned. “Yes.” He pulled back out, teasing me with the tip, before plunging right back in, filling me with his length. I felt myself contract around him, drawing him in deeper. Loving the feel of it.

“Oh God, Giles,” I sobbed. “That feels so fucking good.” “More?” he asked. I nodded against his chest and he reached round to lift my ass from the desk, molding his big hands underneath it. He tilted me up so that my pussy was angled for his dick. The feel of being moved in such a way whilst he was still inside me sent a riot of pleasure rippling through my pelvis and I gasped. Out he went, and then back in. I could feel his length stroking my walls. Bringing them back to life, and I fisted my hands in his open shirt, one either side, desperately trying to hang on. “I’m going to fuck you hard and fast,” Giles whispered. “I can’t give you gentle now. It’s been too long.” I nodded again. Willing to take whatever the hell I could get. “Yes. Fuck me, Giles. Fill me up.” He growled and plunged into me. I wrapped my thighs tight around him, hooking them behind his broad back. In and out he went. Lifting my ass with each thrust so that as he fucked me I fucked him back, melting in the middle, each pelvis slapping against the other. “You drive me crazy,” Giles growled. “God, Luce, how do you do this to me?” His fingers dug into my ass cheeks, one of them perilously close to my hole. He must have realized because all of a sudden it was moving in little circles, teasing me. I gasped. “How?” Giles demanded. “After all this fucking time.” I couldn’t reply, couldn’t even think about his words and what they might mean. My breath was coming in short gasps, pleasure tingling from his dick all the way down to my toes. An orgasm was building. Hell, it had been so long since anyone had prodded one from me I could barely believe it. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, gripped his shirt so hard I was sure I heard it rip and flung my head back— urging the orgasm to claim me. Giles increased his speed exactly as I needed him to. Harder and harder, each thrust shuddering through my body. So close, I was so close…and then it hit and I screamed. “Giles!” “Yes,” I heard him say. “Good girl. Come for me, milk me.” “Oh, God.” The orgasm pulsed through me, waves of pleasure rippling through my pussy, up my stomach, all the way to my chest. Tingles and spasms and damn it was so fucking amazing! “Shit, Luce,” Giles groaned. “I’m coming…too soon….”

Wrapped in my own pleasure I pulled him closer. Our bodies were slicked with sweat, skin to skin—so good. And then I felt him, felt his cock pulse inside me. His hot cum spurting into my womb. Deep and hard and so perfect, increasing the last vestiges of my own pleasure. “Yes,” I encouraged. “Fill me, Giles. Fill me up.” He groaned and dropped his forehead onto my shoulder, his breath heavy in my ear. His hands slowly squeezing my ass cheeks, his hips still pumping me with a gentle rhythm. “Lucy,” he sighed. “Lucy.” I sighed back and rubbed my palms across his chest, before dropping a kiss onto the side of his jaw. We were both still dressed and suddenly I imagined what an onlooker would see. Me with my dress bunched around my waist, my tights trailing on the floor, ripped in two. Giles had done no more than unzip his pants whilst I’d undone his shirt. It was ridiculous that we could have been so frantic for one another we hadn’t even paused. But despite all of that, despite everything, I felt…at peace. That was the only way to describe it. My heart beat in a slow, even fashion, my skin seemed to have loosened and all the tension I’d lived with for so long had sort of dissipated, shot away by my Giles-induced orgasm. Nothing could spoil this moment. Nothing.

Chapter Twelve Giles: Fate likes to give you a little reminder now and then.

An incessant ringing jerked me out of her soft arms. I pushed back, momentarily confused, before realizing that it was Lucy’s phone. Buzzing and ringing on my desk. It was the same phone she’d had four months ago, the same lime green skin…and the same fucking message: Alex calling. My blood froze and I gasped. Surely not? Lucy looked down, following my gaze and stiffened. “Oh….” I pushed away immediately, pulling myself out of her, zipping up my flies, my hands shaking as I did so. Because I was angry. So fucking angry. How often did he fucking ring? For it to have happened both times we’d been together. I growled and picked the phone up, torn between wanting to throw it at the wall and crush it in my hand. “Are you going to answer it, Lucy?” I grated. “Don’t want to keep the boyfriend waiting.” The ringing stopped, not because she’d answered it, but because she’d let it ring out. Obviously she didn’t want to talk to Alex in front of me. Jealously consumed me, the anger intensified and I did the only thing I could think to do. I dropped the phone back on the desk, sent her the filthiest look I could conjure up, and headed for the door. “Giles, wait.” “I don’t want to do this now,” I said. “I don’t want to do this ever again.” What a fool I’d been. “Stop right fucking there, Giles,” she screamed. “I mean it.” “Fuck off, Lucy.” “Giles!” I turned around slowly, her scream ringing in my ears, just in time to see her slide off the desk, pushing her dress back down to her knees. Her tights were sort of flapping around her ankles, but she didn’t seem to notice. I could see her scarlet panties on the floor, crumpled by my desk. How they’d got there I did not know. “What the hell are you doing?” she asked.

I wrenched my tie back into place and shot her a glare. “Sort of obvious, don’t you think?” She bent down and slid off her shoes. Losing those extra inches made her look tiny. The ripped tights followed and she bunched them up before tossing them at me. “This is what you wanted and what? Now you’ve had it you can walk out,” she demanded. I frowned. “You wanted it as much as I did.” Though guilt flared because I hadn’t exactly given her a choice, had I? I’d pounced on her and fucked her senseless before she’d even had a chance to really think it through. Her chin lifted and she glared. “Yes, I did.” Relief, sweet relief filled me. “But tell me something, Giles,” she continued. “Something I’ve never understood. Why is it that you can fuck my brains out one minute and then cast me aside the next without so much as a fucking no thanks?” Relief gave way to confusion. “Are you even serious?” “I’m having déjà vu here,” she screeched. “Seems like we’ve done this before.” “What? Fucked and been interrupted by your boyfriend?” “My boyfriend?” she screeched. “God damn it, what is wrong with you?” I growled, strode forward and picked up her phone. “This is what is wrong with me, Lucy. This.” She shook her head and fumbled with the ripped top of her dress, righting her bra, trying to push it closed. “It’s not what you think.” A faint hope stirred. “Then explain it to me.” “I tried to before, didn’t I?” she shrieked. “You never listened.” My mind flashed back to that night all over again and I frowned. Lucy stiffening. “I have no family.” Me jumping out of the bed, pulling her against me, her body all damp and moist. “So he’s a boyfriend?” “He’s someone I care about.” “And where do I fit into this? Into the situation between you and him?”

Lucy shaking her head and pushing me back. “You don’t, Giles. You’ll never fit into that situation. Never in a million years.” The frown deepened and I shuddered. “You made it clear that whatever was between you and him had nothing to do with me,” I said. “Fool that I was I believed that maybe….” I shrugged, pain throbbing through my chest. “I thought wrong, didn’t I? He’s still with you after all these months.” She groaned. “Oh God, I can’t believe we’re doing this again. Giles, please listen to me. For once in your life, listen.” I waited. “Go on then. I’m all ears.” She took a deep and obvious breath. “Alex is not my boyfriend.” The hope stirred again. “Then who is he?” She shifted and shook her head. Silence reigned for far too long and I took hold of her arms, just like I had that night, giving her a little shake. “Who?” “I can’t tell you that. Not right now.” “Why the hell not?” I asked, confusion obvious in my voice. “Damn it, Lucy if he’s some guy bothering you I can—” “He doesn’t bother me,” she said softly. “Not in the way you mean. Not like you think.” “Then tell me, talk to me properly, explain this,” I demanded. “Like you should have four months ago.” She pushed against me and sighed. “If you ever cared about me at all, Giles—and let’s be honest it’s not like you ever did—then you’d have taken my word for it that this is something I can’t talk about. It’s not a boyfriend, and it’s not anything sexual. Alex is….” She paused, using the same God damn words as before. “Someone close to me.” I exploded. Not sure what I was angrier about, her casual dismissal of my feelings or him, Alex. “Of course I cared about you!” I growled. “How long did I dance around after you? How many times did I ask you out only to be given the go around? You know how much I wanted you. That night you must have felt it.” “I—” “So be honest with me now,” I demanded, in no mood to be interrupted. “You have to give me more than that. You have to.” She looked up, her gaze catching mine and for several seconds we just stared. It was she that broke it. “You could never trust me could you? Not now, not then.”

“Of course I did,” I countered. “Before the phone call I did. You know I did!” She shook her head. “You were ready to believe the worst. You jumped to conclusions immediately.” “Because men follow you in droves!” I exploded again. “You’re like a fucking honey pot. You flirt and you joke with them, and they come back and back, over and over again.” “And that’s my fault? Because men think with their dicks?” “No…I…” I growled and strode across to the window. Already it was getting dark, people rushing home. To their wives and their families. My throat constricted. “You encourage them,” I said. “You’re out every weekend picking up man after man.” “I’ve had a hard few months.” I laughed bitterly. “Haven’t we both.” Silence filled the room. She lost in her thoughts, me in mine. Alex? Who the hell was he? Why wouldn’t she tell me? And was she right? Had my trust been so thin it shattered after one hiccup? But no, who could possibly blame me for what had happened? I’d courted her, seduced her and then found out that she’d lied to me all along. She didn’t exactly lie, my mind whispered. No, not a lie. An omission then. Which was no way to build a relationship. Something that had been my plan all along. And hell I’d known it was going to be hard. Even before that night I’d hated the way men looked at her, the way they flirted with her and the way she flirted back. She was gorgeous, practically screaming sex. Was it any wonder my trust was precarious? Only the desperate desire I’d felt for her had been enough to make me try to date her. That and the odd feelings that plagued me whenever I was in her company. Now, four months later I wasn’t sure whether I regretted giving into those feelings or not. “Giles?” she prompted. “Talk to me, please.” Even without hearing her voice I could feel her across the room, actually feel her, and I knew right there and then that it was too late for me. Maybe had been ever since I’d given into those feelings so long ago. The knowledge washed over me, and I bit back a groan. Despite everything I still wanted her so badly. Couldn’t keep my hands off her. The months apart had only made it worse. The feelings I’d buried would not stay there. They wanted out.

They wanted her…because deep down I knew the truth. I fucking loved her. I had for months. It was inescapable. Whether I liked it or not. “Giles,” she said again and I turned, leaning against the window frame and looking at her. She was so beautiful, even with her hair whipped around her face, her clothes all ragged and her fists clenched. She was mine. It was obvious to me now. I could deny it no longer, and that knowledge made me reckless. Made me ask a question I’d avoided for so long. “Do you want me, Lucy?” I asked. “Be honest. Do you want to be with me?” She shivered, her eyes widened. I waited, heart in my mouth for her answer, knowing that it would decide the course of my life. Eventually she nodded, slowly, deliberately. “Yes,” she whispered. “You must know that I do.” Relief filled me. So sweet, so deep. It hit me at my core and shook my very foundations. What a fool I’d been. “Then you need to level with me,” I said. “Tell me everything there is that I need to know and then we’ll see what the hell we can salvage out of this mess.”

Chapter Thirteen Lucy: It’s just a little step, giving someone your trust, so why does it feel like jumping into a chasm?

My breath caught and my heart jumped in to my throat. Giles wanted me. He still wanted me—had all along. I could barely believe it, could hardly dare to take it all in, and for a moment I simply basked in the knowledge. Wishing that I’d known all these months. How different everything would have been. But he doesn’t trust you, not at all. My heart dropped from my throat to my knees and I picked my phone up off the desk. The missed call jarred me because I’d have to return it and soon, and what fun that would be. “Are you really saying what I think you’re saying?” I asked, dropping the phone again, wishing Alex had better timing. But then I could wish a lot of things about Alex, couldn’t I? In the end my wishes mattered little, that course had been set since I was thirteen. “Yes.” The word was terse, clipped, but it hit me right in the chest and I took a deep breath. “You really want to be with me? That’s what you mean by what can we salvage?” He nodded. “Then you have to trust me.” “I will when you tell me the truth.” I shook my head, and though the words were hard I said them anyway. “No, Giles. That’s not trust. Trust is taking someone on faith. Not finding it after the fact.” Slowly he made his way across the room to me. “We’re past that point, Lucy. Way past it.” “Then what’s the point?” “This.” He lowered his head and touched my lips with his. It was a soft, fluttery pressure and I gasped. “I want you so bad,” he whispered against my mouth. “Feel how much.” He took my hand and pressed it against his crotch, where an erection was obvious. So quickly? But then I’d experienced his stamina before, hadn’t I? I knew how hard he could get.

“Sex,” I said. He kissed me again, teasing my lips with his tongue. “Yes.” At least he was honest. I had to give him points for that. And hadn’t it been that way all my life? Giles was right about one thing, men did chase after me. Had done since I was thirteen years old. Despite my lack of inches and tiny breasts there seemed to be something about me that attracted them. Maybe the blonde hair? And yes, I’d flirted with them but that was more a defense mechanism than anything else. Flirt back and leave it at that. It was how I’d rolled all my life. The only men who’d ever breached that barrier were my first boyfriend and Giles. And now the other men too, but I was discounting them because it was just bad fucking judgment, brought on by heartbreak. “I want you constantly,” Giles continued, peppering kisses along my jaw. “I’ve tried to ignore it, but I can’t. You’re mine, Lucy. We just have to accept that. I have to accept it, and then we’ll start again with a clean slate.” The words thrilled me in a way I couldn’t have imagined and I shivered. “Then why ignore me all these months?” “Jealousy? Anger?” He shrugged and pressed a kiss on my forehead. “It happened and I was so mad, and then before I knew it I had to leave for England, and then I came back and you were gone. Weeks passed and I pushed it all away, tried to ignore it. It hasn’t worked though has it? It’s been four months and this moment was long overdue.” “Giles,” I sighed. “This is such a mess. It started as something so freaking stupid. You’re right. I should have explained it then.” “Then explain it to me now,” he encouraged. “Give us that clean slate.” Part of me was tempted to. To put it all out there, but I knew, I just knew that my words of earlier were right. If we had any chance of anything between us, even if it was just a sexual relationship, there had to be some trust. And Giles had to feel that, not be given it by me. And so, hard as it was, I shook my head. “I can’t. It’s turned into this big thing between us. If I tell you the truth you’ll trust me because I’ve had to prove myself, not because you just do. And then I’ll never really trust your feelings for me.” “Luce,” he breathed, picking me up and sitting me on the desk. “You’re reasoning is completely flawed.”

He unzipped his flies and even though I kinda thought I shouldn’t I lifted my skirt. I couldn’t stop myself. “Maybe.” “So you want my trust,” he said, easing his cock into me. I was slick and ready for him. “Based on nothing at all? Just because you think I should. Despite the fact I’ve now witnessed you receiving calls from some man you won’t explain to me. Despite the fact you’ve spent the last few months bedding every man in sight.” I gasped as he filled me to the brim. “Yes.” “I can’t do that, Luce,” he said, easing back out, reaching down and rubbing his cockhead on my clit. I moaned. Shivers of pleasure running from my pussy across my stomach. “It’s an impasse then.” “An impasse,” he agreed.

Chapter Fourteen Giles: Secrets always find a way out. Thinking otherwise is beyond stupid.

The impasse was not working out at all. Not even close. As I sat across from Gabe three weeks later, talking him through Lucy’s new, approved budget, I knew it to be true. Mainly because I surely wouldn’t be feeling so tense and conflicted if it was. “This all looks really good,” Gabe said once I’d explained everything, and I nodded. “It was smoother than I expected.” “No problem with the forecasting for next year?” he asked. “No. Everything is worked across the quarters.” “Job done then.” That much was true at least. Now that Lucy and I were in our ‘impasse’, we’d been able to work together to get the numbers finalized. That work was illuminating to me in more ways than one. Lucy struggled with her budget, with the actual numbers. To someone who understood such things perfectly it was a shock to see it through another’s eyes. I’d called her lazy, blamed her partying on the work fuck ups, but the more I’d talked her through her spreadsheets I knew that wasn’t the case at all. She just didn’t get the numbers, really had to work to understand them. She was in the red because she didn’t know how to make everything stack up, not because she hadn’t tried. The only thing I couldn’t work out was why she hadn’t asked for help sooner. As head of finance she could have come to me long before now. Before our night together. It was something I was determined to get out of her. One in the long list of secrets the impasse was keeping from me. Gabe turned off the projector and turned to me. “Thanks for doing this, Giles. I really appreciate the effort you’ve put in.” I shrugged. “It wasn’t a problem.” In fact it could have been completed a lot sooner. But Lucy and I had spent pretty much most evenings in either her office or mine fucking like rabbits, when really we could have gotten more work done. And the sex…it amazed me, it really did. The things that woman could do with her tongue blew me away. I didn’t like to think

about where she’d picked such tricks up. Not thinking about the last four months in that way was the only thing keeping me sane. I’d taken to pretending those other men did not exist. It was only a matter of time though before I’d have to confront it mentally. I was not looking forward to that moment. Considering Lucy in that light only angered me. Other things were more important now. The fact that she hadn’t invited me to her home. The fact I hadn’t invited her to mine. Like it was a barrier neither of us would cross. We’d simply worked, fucked, and then gone our separate ways. Tonight was the first step though. It would be the first night we actually met outside the office. I’d casually asked her to dinner. She’d agreed. Now we would see where it led us. “No troubles,” Gabe asked. “Nothing else that needs to be fixed?” “In what way?” I asked, unsure what he was getting at. Gabe grinned and poured us both a coffee. “I suppose I mean was everything okay with, Lucy? We…erm…Pam and I heard your altercation on the first day you took charge.” How different that all looked to me now. With our relationship, if you could call it that, so drastically changed. Knowing she did want me. Knowing that the last four months were wrapped around a misunderstanding that could have been settled immediately if she’d just opened up, if maybe I hadn’t jumped off the deep end. I ran a hand across my face. “No, she was fine once she got it out of her system.” Gabe nodded. “She does seem different. Maybe because the stress of this has been taken off her shoulders?” I tensed. “Different? How do you mean?” “She was round for dinner last night at Pam’s. She seemed less…of a bitch?” Gabe shrugged. “I’m not sure exactly but something was definitely off about her. She was softer, I guess. And then this morning she came in to tell me she’d won the Peterson bid, it’s only ten grand, but she was really hyped about it and she even thanked me for going easy on her department, for giving her your help. It was a turnaround alright. She even smiled at me, and she hasn’t done that since I got here. Not in that way at least.” I swallowed against the sudden dryness in my throat. “She is doing well. She just has trouble with the budgets.”

Gabe nodded. “I know, and we need to do something about that for the future.” “I can teach her,” I began but Gabe shook his head. “She’s not a numbers person, not at all. Realistically she shouldn’t even be head of marketing, she should be creative director or something, and if I was being hardheaded I’d remove her and put someone else in her place.” “But you’re not going to, are you?” Gabe grinned. “Pam convinced me not to. What can I say? I’m putty in that woman’s hands.” “Pam convinced you?” “This is just between you and I,” Gabe said. “But from what Pam has said Lucy can’t take a pay cut right now. After years on this salary it would be unreasonable to expect her to. She has some financial issues.” I started at that and took a quick drink of my coffee to hide my surprise. We were paid extremely generous salaries. I barely made a dent in mine with my living expenses, so how anyone could struggle on the money we made baffled me. Okay, sure I was paid a fair bit more than either Lucy or Pam, but I knew what sort of money they made and it wasn’t negligible. “Do you know what these issues are?” I asked casually. Gabe shook his head. “Just something Pam mentioned to me a couple of days ago. Lucy was very worried a few weeks back. Stressed beyond belief about losing her job. The money seemed to be the main factor.” “Right….” “She seems to be in a much better place now that her job’s secure,” Gabe continued. “We’ll sort her out an accountant to take some of the stress away. It’ll be her responsibility to cover that expense by increasing her teams’ income. Win-win all round. We have another job to offer to someone, and Lucy keeps her mind on the things she’s good at.” I nodded. “Win-win.” But as I made my way back to my own office a half hour later my thoughts were in turmoil. I’d attributed Lucy’s lack of recent bitchy behavior to the change in our relationship. But maybe it was just because her job was now secure? I wondered how the heck she

could be in financial difficulties and added it to my long list of things to find out. “Lucy called,” my PA said as I passed. “Can you ring her back?” I pivoted back out the door. Far easier to just go and see her in person. Far more pleasurable too. My thoughts continued to race. Alex. The financial difficulties. Why she hadn’t asked me for help. Why she hadn’t confronted me long before now. The impasse felt like it was strangling me and I decided there and then that tonight I’d start chipping away at it. I had to if we were ever going to move forward.

Chapter Fifteen Lucy: Men can sleep with as many women as they like and they call themselves studs. But when a woman does it she’s called a whore. But the whore only works if she thinks that too, otherwise it’s just a word.

I took quite a bit of care over my outfit. In my mind this was going to be our first date, take two, so I wanted to look good for Giles. For him to see me and want me, but also for him to be proud enough to show me off. That I was with him. His. So I called Pam around to help me out. We stood in my closet—the walk-in kind, my one reason for buying this apartment— and looked over the options. “What are you gonna go for?” Pam asked. “Dirty and flirty or glamazon?” I shrugged and eyed the rows of clothes. “I dunno.” Pam eyed the blue area—yes, my clothes were organized by color—and pulled out a long blue dress. “What about this? I shook my head. “I don’t know why I bought that. It’s not me at all.” And it wasn’t. Made of a soft, buttery type material, it flowed in layers, each a different shade of blue, before falling on the floor with a little train behind it Pam sighed. “It’s beautiful. I’d so steal it, but there’s no way I’m getting my bootie in this.” “It’s a no-heel dress,” I said. “And I’m far too small to get away with not wearing heels.” Pam laid the dress across her arm and pulled out a pair of flat ballet pumps, also blue. “Some advice, Luce. Now, so far I haven’t pressured for any details about you and Giles. I know there’s some fucked up shit going on there and you’ll tell me in your own time. But one thing I can say is that Giles would totally dig the delicate woman look. He’s so broad and masculine I reckon a dinky little you would appeal to that part of him. Give him feminine, girly, he’ll lap it up.” “You think?” “Totally.” An hour later I wove across the room to the table where Giles was sitting. I felt a little self-conscious because without the heels I really was tiny. The dress was also wispy, and with my hair curled

loosely around my shoulders I looked like some sort of fairy. Pam had shadowed my eyes in sparkly blue, added a little lip gloss and that was it. I looked young, girly—just like she’d wanted. Giles stood when I arrived and did a double-take. My heart leapt and stuttered and I sent Pam a silent thank you. “Lucy,” he breathed. “You look beautiful.” “Thank you.” He pulled out my chair and made sure I was settled before sitting down himself. “Wine?” I shook my head. “Not yet.” We ordered our meals and discussed work events. The flow between us was smooth, easy and throughout I couldn’t help but bask in the way Giles’ eyes seemed to eat me up. He gazed across my breasts, followed the path of my hair whenever I shook it. He was intrigued and I loved it. “Tell me about England,” I said as we got started on our main course. “I’ve never been.” Giles smiled and launched into a description of the area he’d lived in, somewhere called Sussex. His smile was swift across his face as he talked me through various anecdotes. It felt like it had during date take one. “Where did you grow up, Luce?” he asked once our main courses had been removed. “I don’t think you ever told me.” The pleasure he’d filled me with mere moments ago disappeared and I paused. Casually I lifted my glass and took a sip of the rich, red wine—clearly I needed it now. “Nowhere you’d know.” “Tell me anyway,” Giles encouraged. “A little town, not too far from here actually. Like I said you wouldn’t know it.” Not exactly a lie, but then not the full truth either. Still a trailer park many, many miles away didn’t quite have the same tone to it and I’d long since replaced one with the other, almost to the point where I believed it too. “And your parents?” I shrugged. “Dead.” “Brothers, sisters?” “No and no.” Giles frowned. “Is there no one left in your life from those days then?” “I didn’t say that.”

“Well, no, but….” I tilted my head and considered. “What’s with all the questions?” “I’m trying to understand you a little better,” Giles said a shade too casually for my liking. “And these are normal questions, Luce. The sort of things people talk about.” Yes, they were. Which was why I always avoided such conversations. There were many things about my past I was ashamed of. The way I’d grown up. The people I’d mixed with. I knew that some people liked giving the whole poverty-made-me-strong speech, but I never had. In my mind those days were long gone and I’d gotten away from them—well, almost. I had no desire to rehash them with anyone, and certainly not Giles. He saw me a certain way, that much I did know, and I had no intention of him finding out certain things about me. Not yet at least. I sighed imperceptibly. Alex flashing across my mind. His last text message reminding me about our meeting tomorrow night. God knew I didn’t want to go, but as always I had little choice. “Let’s talk about something else,” I said, shooting Giles a smile. “I—” “Well, if it isn’t Lucy.” Shit. My words died. I froze, closed my mouth and turned. Stood right there, smiling in a way that screamed too much familiarity was one of my one-night stands. Damn it. This restaurant hadn’t even been on my boomerang list. I searched my brain for his name and seized upon the likeliest possibility. “Peter.” My word held a word of warning, but he chose to ignore it. “I tried to call you,” he said, sliding closer to our table. “But the number you gave me was a call center. Obviously you wrote the wrong one down.” He grinned encouragingly and I cringed. I was so clearly on a date and he must have picked up on that and either didn’t care or was trying to make me feel bad for leaving him hanging. I cursed under my breath, knowing there was only one way to deal with the situation. “I didn’t.” Peter did a double-take. “Huh?” I shrugged, leaned back on my seat and gave him a scalding glare—keeping my eyes purposefully off Giles’ face. I didn’t want to see the look I knew would be there. “I gave you the wrong number on

purpose. I didn’t want to see you again, just like I don’t now. So if you could run along….” I mimed my suggested action with my fingers and both heard Giles’ intake of breath and Peter’s shocked gasp, but I ignored them both, merely taking a sip of wine. I could get my bitch on. Years and years of necessity had taught me that. Again not to do the whole “forged from poverty” line but growing up the way made it a skill that one needed to learn and quickly. Sure it made me feel bad, and I was fairly squirming in embarrassment. For it to happen with Giles present! On our first date? Talk about timing. “What?” Peter demanded. I shrugged and put my glass down—mainly because under the bravado my fingers were shaky. “You heard.” Giles’ wine glass met mine on the table and I swallowed unsteadily. I knew, as a woman does, that Giles was not happy about my manathon of the last few months. How could he be? This was only going to make it worse! “You’re a cold bitch, Lucy,” Peter bit out before turning to Giles. “Enjoy tonight, mate. It’s all you’re gonna get out of her.” Giles shocked me then, standing up and gripping poor Peter, a guy I had indeed kicked to the curb and flirt diverted, by the collar. “I believe the lady told you to be running along.” God, he sounded harsh. A deadly tone to his voice and I saw Peter cringe away from it, holding his hands up and pulling free, before turning and casting me a final scathing glance. I barely noticed it. I was drawn to Giles. The tension I could feel coming off him in waves. “Giles,” I began, a mixture of embarrassment and lust mingling in the pit of my stomach. Though I didn’t need to embarrassed, it wasn’t like Giles and I were together when I boinked Peter—and what a fucking mistake that was! Still, I felt it. He’d wanted me then, as I’d wanted him. Confused and angry I’d sought solace elsewhere. Which had not worked. So yeah, there was embarrassment. Pointless pretending otherwise. And the lust? Was it wrong to get hot because Giles had stood up for me? For my nipples to be hard, my panties to be wet? Maybe. But again, it was there anyway. No one made my pussy clench like Giles did. No one else could possibly ever make me pant the way I did for him.

Never. It was as simple as that. The man who could tie me up in so many knots there was, and never had been, any escape shook his head. “Let’s get out of here.”

Chapter Sixteen Giles: Jealousy is the worst.

I threw her down on the bed, barely able to control my anger. She let out a shocked gasp, her gaze finding mine, a question there clear for me to see. I ignored it. “Giles…. What?” Not even bothering to reply I undid my shirt, removing it swiftly. I followed it with my boots, my socks and then my jeans. Lucy watched, her gaze wide, until I stood naked before her. I was erect, massively erect, my cock pulsing to get inside her. To show her, to claim her. I pulled a condom over my waiting cock, because we’d forgotten on that first night and that was not something I’d be doing again. Fully sheathed I pumped myself slowly, letting her see the intent in my eyes. “Giles…” she repeated. “I don’t want to talk to you right now,” I said, continuing to stroke myself. “You just want to fuck me?” “I want to make you forget any other man before me.” “Giles,” she whispered. “That was so awkward. I’m so sorry….” I grimaced. Pushing the thought of the other man away. I knew she’d slept around, of course I did, and now I could maybe even begin to guess why. So yeah I knew it but had never seen it in person. Never looked at the results of her activities until tonight. It was, as I suspected, enough to tip me over the edge. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” I said. “But—” “But nothing, we weren’t together. You could do as you like, and you did, didn’t you? Over and fucking over?” She frowned. “He was a mistake.” I knelt down on the bed, in between her open thighs. Tempted though I was to bury myself right there and then I was in no mood for that sort of sex. Instead I flipped her over onto her stomach, took her hands and secured them in the small of her back.

She gasped as I bunched her layers of skirts, the dress that I’d thought she looked so innocent and fresh in, and what a fucking lie that was, around her waist. “Just like me?” I asked. “A mistake?” “No, Giles, no,” she whispered. I ignored her soft words and guided my cockhead towards her waiting pussy. She had on just a thong and I simply pushed it aside before burying myself completely inside of her. She shrieked and lifted her hips up, allowing me to penetrate as deeply as possible. Her amazing ass cheeks practically bouncing with pleasure. Pleasure speared through me and I groaned. She felt so good, so amazing. For you and how many others? I growled, pulled out and thrust back in. Giving no quarter, not being gentle at all. I pounded in and out, over and over. Beads of sweat broke out on my forehead, my body shook, but I did not stop. I pummeled my cock into her without mercy. She screamed and she shrieked and she thrashed around, but I could feel her pussy drenching me. Feel her juices dripping down my balls. Bathing me with her arousal. It only made me angrier. “You like this don’t you?” I hissed. “Being fucked.” She gasped. “Yes, by you….” I barely heard her reply. “You like it hard, Lucy? Like to feel it nice and deep?” “Oh, God, yes.” “You want me to make that little pussy come? To make it clench around me?” “Yes,” she agreed. “God, yes, Giles. I’m so close.” I pulled out and she moaned. “No, come back. Please!” I laughed and moved down the bed. Wanting back in her, wanting to punish her. Wanting I did not know what. I was angry, horny. Pissed off with myself for being so God damn enthralled with her. Desperate to make her think only of me. I placed a hand under her belly and lifted her hips from the bed. There they were, right in front of me. Her wet pussy and her little asshole. Without another thought I buried my face in her. Let her juices splash my face. I licked from her ass all the way to her clit and she moaned her pleasure to me. Her hips lifting of their own accord, encouraging me

to devour her. I licked and I nibbled, becoming more and more frantic in my movements. With my spare hand I reached up and grabbed her ass cheek—hard. She moaned louder. I smacked that ass cheek—hard—and she shrieked. “Dear God…” I smacked it again at the same time as I took her entire clit in my mouth. Smack, suck. Smack, suck. Smack, suck. Grinding my hips against the bed I felt my cock bursting for release. Soon, I told it, fucking soon. Smack, suck. Smack, suck. Smack, suck. And just when I thought her ass couldn’t take any more Lucy lifted her hips completely. “I’m gonna come,” she screeched. “Oh God, I’m gonna.” I felt her pussy vibrate, felt it start to shake around me and I let my hand move across her reddened ass cheek, my finger collecting some of her juices and then just as the orgasm hit her I dipped my finger into her asshole. She shrieked again, moaning my name over and over. “Giles, Giles, Giles.” She was so tight. So fucking tight and so shocked, her head thrashing back and forth. I knew right there and then that no one else had breached that barrier. Whatever Lucy might have done in the past she’d never done that. I would be the first. With that thought in mind I pulled away from her pussy, keeping my finger where it was, working her in and out. Loosening her up. “It’s too much,” she begged as I lifted her onto her knees, positioning myself behind her. “Too much.” “You want me to stop?” I asked. “Tell me now. Because you know what I’m going to do, don’t you?” A pause and then, “You’re going to fuck my ass,” she whispered. “Yes.” She shivered. “I’ve never…” “I know. So tell me now if you don’t want this,” I said, continuing to work my finger in and out. “I’ll stop, Luce, if you want me to.”

And I would, of course I would. I would never hurt her, only wanted to pleasure her, and though the primitive part of me wanted to claim her in a way no one else had I would never do so unless she wanted it too. The anger of moments ago was gone now. All I wanted to do was make her come over and over. To make her scream my name until her voice was hoarse. “No,” she whispered, and my cock pulsed, pleasure thrilling through me. “It feels good. It feels so good… do it, Giles.” She turned her head, looking at me over her shoulder. “Fuck my ass.” Body trembling I took my cock and ran it along her pussy. Across her clit, along her slit. Allowing her juices to drip down my cock, to coat the condom so that I would be able to slip into her. Her ass that was already loosening around my finger. “Touch yourself,” I said. “Finger your pussy while I have your ass. Make yourself wetter.” I felt her finger slip down as I slipped mine out. Excitement throbbed through me, through every part. Gently I eased myself in, just the cockhead, less than an inch. She gasped and thrummed herself. I could feel the movement. “Too much?” I asked. She shook her head. “It feels good. Give me more.” I complied, slipping some more of my length in. Slowly thrusting my hips, letting her body adjust to my size. To accommodate me. Beads of sweat coated me and I gritted my teeth. She was just so fucking tight. Already I could feel my bollocks tightening, getting ready to shoot my load. I didn’t know how much longer I could possibly last. “More,” she moaned. “Fucking take me, Giles.” “I want to be gentle,” I breathed, pleasure cursing through me. “Jesus Christ, Luce. I don’t want to hurt you.” “I want more,” she moaned, strumming herself still. “I’m so close, Giles, so close.” I tightened my hands on her hips, gripping her as hard as I dared, picking up my speed a little but not burying myself. I was too big. It would hurt her too much surely? But God the urge to simply thrust in was overwhelming. Must stay in control. The words were like a chant in my mind, over and over but just as I was about to pull out and simply wank over her delectable ass something happened. She came, I felt her body

clench around me, everything tightening and loosening at the same time. My cock slipped home without so much as a thrust on my part and she screamed as her orgasm raced through her. Back out I went before burying myself in her ass to the hilt and that was all it took. My own orgasm claimed me and I let out a hoarse cry as I filled the condom with waves and waves of my cum. “Jesus Christ…” Lucy went limp, falling flat on her stomach, easing me out of her at the same time and I followed her down. Both our breaths were ragged, pants and moans filling the air. I felt amazing. So satisfied. So happy. “Lucy…” I began, turning to caress her face. But then I paused when I saw the look there. It was not blissed out or relaxed. It was altogether too serious. My gut clenched and panic filled me. “Babe?” I said, the endearment slipping out. “Was it too much?” She shook her head. “It was amazing. I loved it. Will in fact have to insist on it again very soon.” “Then what….” Instead of me caressing her face she reached out and rubbed a hand along mine. Her words when they registered magnified my happiness tenfold and in that moment whatever had come before no longer mattered. Nothing did but the two of us. Here and now. “You were never a mistake, Giles,” she said. “Never.”

Chapter Seventeen Lucy: The past always comes back to haunt you. Trite but true.

It was a little uncomfortable the day after our ass session, I won’t lie. But then I guess that would happen, it was like losing your virginity after all. Whatever though, I was happy to take the discomfort for more of that pleasure. Never had I realized I could feel so damn full, and now, just under a month later, as I sat in Giles’ bed waiting for him to return from the bakery, I plotted ways to get more of the same out of him. He’s insisted we had to wait, that we’d do it again at some point but not too soon. A month seemed like plenty long enough to me though. Maybe the red lace and some cherry lube? I wished I had my vibrator—thinking double penetration—but that could wait until another time. Or the blue satin dress? Giles seemed to love my body wrapped in blue. That part of my wardrobe was getting a good workout. Almost as much as me. I smiled to myself and snuggled under Giles’ heavy duvet, letting the smell of his citrus scent bathe me. We’d been taking it in turns lately. Him at my house, me at his, and though part of me didn’t want to put too much faith in anything, things were looking…good. So good in fact I had no idea what it meant. Because it wasn’t just sex, I thought as I wiggled my toes. We’d watched movies, gone out for meals—luckily without bumping into anymore ex-shags— even cooked. It felt altogether too much like dating and though I loved every single minute of it part of me was beginning to chafe. If we we’re dating then I wanted to know that, properly for a fact. I wanted to be able to relax a little and maybe even open up a bit. Because dating meant trust and if Giles’ had reached that point I saw no reason why I couldn’t finally let my secret out. Turnaround? Yeah, but everything was different now. He wanted me as much as I wanted him. That was obvious every time we fucked. Did it go deeper? Maybe not, but I was damned if I wasn’t going to try and make it. I’d pulled myself up from my bootstraps to get what I wanted in life and I wanted Giles. If I had to fuck him senseless to come round to my way of thinking so be it.

I smiled as I imagined that but the smile faded slightly as I considered what it would mean. The secret. I squirmed a little and traced the patterns on Giles ceiling. Yes, okay it was kinda shameful and I was a little worried about what he’d say…but if this was real I’d have to tell him eventually. That much had become clear to me as the days passed. Alex. I sighed, a funny fluttering in my side making me uncomfortable, and flipped onto my back. What was I ever going to do about that? Hadn’t I spent years trying to figure it out? But why think about it now? Here I was comfy and happy. Giles had the heating turned up high, and I could smell coffee brewing in the kitchen. I shot upright. The coffee smelled funny. Shit, was it burning? Panic jolted me out of bed. Our blossoming relationship wouldn’t blossom much more if I burned his apartment down! “Shit, shit, shit.” I raced through the bedroom, down the small hallway to the open plan living area, and straight across to the coffee machine. The closer I got the worse it smelled and I had to put my hand across my mouth to stop from yarking. Jesus. I grabbed a dishcloth and pulled the coffee pot free, dumping it in the sink. The smell of the beans wafted up my nostrils and I dry heaved behind my hand. What the hell was wrong with it? The machine looked fine, though I unplugged it just in case. The coffee pot looked okay too. Well, not so much now because it was sat in last night’s plates that we hadn’t gotten round to washing up. The film of sauce on the one closest to me was overpowering. It mixed with the coffee beans and I blanched, pivoted and ran for the bathroom. I barely made it. Only just had enough time to kick the door shut behind me before I was leant over the sink heaving my guts up. Last night’s dinner made an appearance, as did the snack I’d had in the early hours. My stomach screamed a protest, the sight of the vomit making me feel even sicker, and I clutched the towel rail, trying to get a hold of myself. What the hell was going on? All of a sudden I realized I felt kind of woozy. Maybe it was because I was standing up? I’d been fine lying down, and without even considering it I sank down against the cool tiles of the wall, resting my head against them, the wooziness subsiding ever so slightly.

It was food poisoning, I thought. It had to be. Whatever we’d eaten last night hadn’t agreed with me. Either that or…. My stomach fluttered again. That same feeling I’d had in bed. Like a butterfly was stuck in there beating its wings against my muscles. I shuddered and pressed a hand against the fluttering. It was the weirdest feeling I’d ever had, and certainly was not a symptom of food poisoning. Something I hardly ever got! Hell I’d lived in a trailer, where everything was fried in lard. Food poisoning was for city freaks. You know what else makes you sick, first thing in the freaking morning Lucy. Hello? I gasped. Oh God no. It couldn’t be. It just couldn’t be. But even as I thought it I was already doing the calculations in my head and coming up empty. I hadn’t had my period in about nine weeks—which wasn’t a big deal for me because I was so tiny I could sometimes go two or three months without seeing any flow action…only the first night Giles and I…. I gasped again and stood up abruptly, my brain whizzing and racing. Please, God, no. Dizziness hit and my stomach clenched. Dimly I heard the door open and then shut, and then a buzz I couldn’t quite identify. My throat constricted and once again I had to lean over the sink. I fumbled with the tap, turning it fully on to disguise my heaves and gripped the sink until my knuckles were white. What the hell was Giles going to say? Because I was so busy yarking, so busy panicking, I didn’t see the text message until much later. When it was almost too late.

Chapter Eighteen Giles: Being sneaky is not the manly thing to do at all. But you’ll find that falling in love strips much of that away anyway. Might as well go with the flow.

The phone was buzzing when I came through the door, and because I had mine on me I knew it was Lucy’s. I paused for just a moment, heard the tap in the bathroom running, and despite myself dropped the groceries on the sideboard and went into the bedroom. I wasn’t going to actually look in the phone I told myself. Hell I was just gonna see if it was him. The man Lucy still wouldn’t talk to me about. The one I’d decided not to pressure her on yet. Alex. It wasn’t that I was being the good guy. Mainly I just didn’t want to do anything that might undermine this new harmony between us. I was so happy—pathetic, I knew—but true. Being with Lucy, even if it meant pretending for the moment, was enough. It wouldn’t be forever, and I got that. But for now…well, for now it would do. I picked up the phone, the lime green skin far too bright and looked at the screen. Message from Alex. The growl left my mouth before I could even stop it and I clicked the phone on. It was touch screen and prompted me for a password. I frowned, but the frown was soon replaced with a smile. If there was one thing I’d learned from Lucy it was that she hated passwords. I’d had to password every one of her spreadsheets with the same damn thing! I typed it into the phone now and was not shocked when the screen unlocked for me. The sound of running water ceased and I shifted guiltily. This was a new low even for me. Had I become so desperate that I’d resort to stooping? I shook my head and made to put the phone back down. It buzzed again and I inhaled sharply. Message from Alex. Twice in as many minutes? I clicked it before I could even stop myself, feeling like the lowest of the low but unable to resist. The message was in a string. Kind of like how Blackberry’s worked. You could call up the entire message thread by just scrolling along the screen. The first message made me pause and peer closer, wondering if I was reading it right. I need the money tonight. Percy’s, Six.

I scrolled up further, to the message which had caught my attention. You promised you’d meet me this week. I’m almost out not sure how long I can hold on for. Puzzled I went further up and caught one of Lucy’s responses. I don’t have any cash spare! You have to make it last longer than this! You’ll leave me to rot? What the hell! I scrolled up and down, all the while one ear cocked to the door, completely baffled. I’d expected flirting, maybe even plans to meet up and what I’d have done then I had no fucking idea! But this was something else entirely. The messages went back for over six months, and in each of them Alex seemed to be begging Lucy for money. I scrolled up as far as possible to the very first message. Sent just over seven months ago. I’m in town and I need your help. Lucy’s response. Where did you get this number??! I swallowed dryly, trying to understand. Lucy had said he didn’t bother her. That he was someone close to her, but how could that be true? The guy was razing her for money and all of a sudden everything clicked into place. The fact she was short of cash, so worried about losing her job. Because someone was taking it all off her! Anger raised its head and I dropped the phone on the bedside table, clenching my fists. I shouldn’t have looked through it, of course I shouldn’t, but now a plan was forming. Percy’s might not mean anything to some but I knew exactly where it was. A small café in one of the less salubrious parts of town. I knew of it only because of its amazing tacos. Gabe and I had been there several times these last few weeks. Lucy would no doubt go to meet up with this fucker and I would go with her. Get this whole situation sorted once and for all. “Giles?” Her soft tones interrupted my raving thoughts and I strode out into the hall, grabbed the groceries and headed into the kitchen. Lucy was emptying the coffee pot, next to the sink. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Coffee no good?” I asked. “No,” she said. “It smelled funny.” She turned and I couldn’t help but notice that she looked distinctly pale. I dropped the groceries and pulled her forward.

“You look rough, Luce. What’s up?” “Oh, well, thanks for that,” she muttered. I laughed, couldn’t help myself. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I pulled her into my arms and cradled her close. She smelled of soap and toothpaste and I breathed her in. It was all different now I knew the truth. We could move forward, the two of us and that was an amazing feeling. The future seemed sort of open now, so many options…. “I’m feeling a bit urgg,” Lucy said, interrupting my wandering thoughts. “Think I might go and lie down.” Instantly my satisfaction was replaced with concern. I held her at arms length and had to agree she indeed looked a bit ropey. “Too many late nights,” I said. She raised an eyebrow. “You’re the one that keeps me up late!” “Well, you can call a sicky today,” I said, lifting her into my arms. “I can’t! I’ve got loads to do.” “Well work from home then. Use the laptop and cryptocard here. Just get some rest.” I deposited her on the bed, tucking the duvet around her. She mumbled something and buried herself deeper. “You rest,” I said, but immediately her head lifted and she shot me a look I couldn’t quite understand. “Will you….” “What?” I asked when it seemed as though she was going to finish. “Jump into bed with me for a bit and cuddle me?” My heart leapt. It actually fucking leapt. She’d never asked me to do that. Not once. So I pulled up the duvet, slipped of my sneakers, scooched in beside her and gathered her up in my arms. It occurred to me that maybe it was the time of the month or something, maybe she was a bit weepy. So I stroked up and down her amazing hair and peppered her forehead with little kisses. “Go back to sleep,” I whispered. “I’ll stay right here until you do.” She nodded against me and wiggled her feet. “Giles?” “Yeah?” “We need to talk soon,” she said.

“Oh?” “There’s things…stuff I should tell you.” I smiled against her. Imagining how happy she would be when I showed up tonight and sorted everything out for her.

Chapter Nineteen Lucy: And all of a sudden things that seemed so important before just aren’t anymore.

I rested just like Giles asked. Then I went to the pharmacy around the corner from his place and picked up a test. My heart hammered as I paid for it and hammered all the way back again. It said, morning urine, which was gack enough in itself, but I thought I’d chance it. I wasn’t even surprised when the line showed up blue. Somewhere between that bathroom and Giles’ arms everything had clarified. I was pregnant. I was going to have a baby. Giles’ baby. It just seemed right. Terrifying yes, but like it made sense. Hardly even surprising. And now because of that it was time to get things sorted out. The text was the perfect opportunity and even though I couldn’t work out why the text was showing up read—maybe I’d knocked the phone—it didn’t matter. Alex and I had to talk for once and for all. For so many years we’d done this back and forth, but now everything was different. There was a baby to think about. It would need things. And that took money. I could give no more away. Sat in Giles’s sitting room, his spare key reflecting the light from the huge bay windows, I scrunched up my face and tried to imagine what things a baby would need. Diapers and clothes, but what else? A cot, I guessed, some toys? Maybe a pram? It was something I had no knowledge of and I resolved once this was done to write myself a list. Maybe Pam could help, if I swore her to secrecy for the time being, though in truth she probably knew about as much as I did. When half five came around I texted Giles to tell him I was at my place and that I’d see him later and jumped on the bus. It was a five-minute ride to Percy’s, which despite being in a pretty rough area, sold the best tacos. My stomach rumbled and I smiled. The baby was hungry. The baby, I couldn’t help but stroke along my flat stomach as I imagined it. Never had it been something I’d ever imagined myself doing because babies were for other people. People like Pam who had a man who adored them and the prospect of marriage and a nice house

and big family. I had Giles, and though I knew he wanted me I knew no more than that. The bus bumped along the road and I imagined what he would say. What he would do. Stand by me for sure, I didn’t doubt that. But how? Would our relationship continue? I sighed and gripped the pole ready to get off at the next stop. What would happen would happen. I could do no more than that. This, what I was doing now was the most important thing. I’d think about Giles later. There was an ATM a few doors down from Percy’s and I nipped over to it quickly to withdraw some money. Keeping an eye out as I did so. But all was well and two hundred dollars poorer I walked down to the café ready to face the problem I’d run from for so long. No, run wasn’t the right word. Avoided. It had always been my way. Giles, the men, Alex. I’d avoided confrontations, avoided having to deal with the issue. I’d treated Giles badly. I could see that now. Hell what man would accept an unknown guy texting the woman he was fucking? Not many that was for sure. And rather than explaining—mainly because of how ashamed I was— I’d kicked him aside. And then, brokenhearted I’d gone off and fucked other men. Convincing myself it was some kind of solace, when in reality…I paused, my hand on the handle of the door…hadn’t I just wanted Giles to notice? To see what I was doing and step in? To tame my ways? I sighed, the knowledge washing over me. And now this. Alex, the man I’d treated just as badly, so badly I was still paying for it all these years later. Well, no more. Time to get responsible, Luce. Time to take charge. I stroked my belly once again, hoping like hell the baby was a girl, pushed my shoulders back and went inside. There he was, I spotted him straight away and my stomach gave a nasty flip. Alex James. My high school boyfriend.

Chapter Twenty Giles: And then you think shit. And everything tilts.

“Giles, wait up.” “I don’t have time for this.” “Geez, already. Walk and talk then. I just wanna know where Luce is.” I sighed, lengthening my stride so that Pam had to trot to keep up. Her stilettos clacked as she moved and I looked down at them, shaking my head. They had to be about five inches. Why did women insist on doing that to themselves? I much preferred Lucy in flats, well, preferred her in nothing in truth. “She’s ill.” “Nothing serious obviously or you wouldn’t be here.” “Of course not,” I said, digging my car keys out of my pocket. “She just woke up feeling poorly.” Pam halted next to my car. Taking a deep breath. “Woke up feeling poorly? A, with the English terms, B, why?” I unlocked the car and opened the passenger door. “I don’t know. Women’s problems probably. Text her or something.” Pam scowled. “I did already. She’s not answering my texts. Which is weird, she usually does.” I sighed again and dropped my briefcase into the passenger seat. “Pam, as much as I’d love to hang around and discuss the state of Lucy’s health with you I am actually on my way somewhere.” “To see Luce?” “Yes.” “Okay then.” Pam paused and shot me a grin. “Everything going okay?” “Yep. It is indeed.” “Well tell her to text me, ‘cause I was thinking that next weekend you guys should come round mine. The painful double date stylee. Gabe can cook. He cooks so well. I don’t obviously, and he gets these cupcakes. Luce will die for them.” I grinned despite myself. “Who’d have thought it, huh?” Pam laughed and laid a hand on my arm, suddenly all seriousness. “Me. For a long, long time.”

It was a short drive to Percy’s, giving me plenty of time to think, and I was early despite moaning to Pam that she was holding me up. Lucy was early too, and I frowned. I’d planned to meet her inside the café, talk to her before she met up with Alex. Give her my support. Not meet her randomly in the street. But the moment her bus pulled up she jumped out and jogged across to the ATM a few doors down. Anger gripped me, knowing what she was doing. Last time, Luce. Last time. And also because she was so clearly ill. When she was feeling a bit low she dressed down. I’d picked up on that. And standing there in sweats, Uggs and a Hollister hoodie she was clearly feeling like shit. I cursed beneath my breath. We’d get this over and done with and I’d take her home. Feed her something hearty and cuddle her up. The idea of a night in front of the TV came to me. Just Luce and I curled up together. Warm beneath the duvet. My heart squeezed and I shook ever so slightly as I entered the café. I’d completely fallen for her. There was no doubt about that, and this was the last step to making things right between us. Once Alex was out of the picture, the thieving bastard, Lucy would be mine. I took a quick look about as I walked the grimy linoleum to the boothing area. There weren’t many people around. Not surprising on a Wednesday night at this time. A few locals by the looks of it in casual clothes. A wreck of a man hunched over in a dirty combat jacket alone in one of the middle booths and two elderly couples seated together. My guess was Alex hadn’t arrived yet. Good. I would grab Lucy as soon as she came in, and we could have that chat before he turned up. I slid into my usual booth, tapping my foot, waiting. Mere moments later she arrived. I slid back along my seat, holding my breath, waiting for her to look in my direction. Only she didn’t. She made her way a little to my left, to a table about four or so up from me and off at an angle. I couldn’t work out exactly where she was going until she turned slightly, shifting into my view, and then I saw, and I watched, horrified, as she stopped next to the wreck, sighed and passed him across a wad of cash. He nodded, shook his head and nodded again, before sliding the money into his dirty jacket pocket.

What the fuck? I gaped, unable to believe what I was seeing. Unable to believe any of it. Agog I watched as Lucy turned to go, but the wreck reached out and pulled her sleeve. I stood immediately, not even really thinking, ready to step in and plant him a facer. Teach him exactly what someone gets for touching my woman. But the sight that greeted me next was enough to make me pause. The wreck of a man was crying. Tears streaming down his face, and even from my distance I could hear the sobs and words mixed together. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Lucy halted her exit, dropped her bag on the table and smiled. The smile was not a pleasant one. It was almost helpless. Like she didn’t know what else to do. Eventually she sat herself down on the empty bench across from him, so that her face was in perfect profile and I could only watch as she sighed, her forehead puckering in that maddening way it did when she was confused. I stood up, ready to move across those four tables and take her away from this. The nasty area, the horrid stench and most of all him. The wreck of a man she’d come here to see. As I walked forward and took a deep breath, her words reached me then, across the café and I knew what she was going to say before she even did, like I’d breathed them in. “It’s okay, Alex. It’s okay.”

Chapter Twenty-One Lucy: Knight in shining armor? Well okay then.

Alex was looking worse than ever. He’d lost weight again and he couldn’t really even be affording to lose anymore. His clothes were dirty, ragged. The combat jacket was soiled along the front and grimy around the sleeves. I couldn’t bear to think about when he’d last showered. Months ago probably. He looked up at me, tears streaming down his eyes, and I frowned. “It’s okay, Alex. It’s okay.” He shook his head and I sighed, feeling my heart drop. Maybe it would be easier if he wasn’t such a wreck. If he didn’t make me feel so guilty every time I saw him. “When did you last eat?” I asked. He shrugged. “I dunno.” “I’ll get something for you,” I said, beckoning to the guy behind the counter. Alex shook his head. “You’ve done enough. I’m sorry my texts were so…I used the pre-paid cell phone you got me. I didn’t sell it,” he assured me. “Not like the last one.” Tears pricked my eyes. “Good. That’s good.” “Lucy—” “We need to talk, Alex,” I said slowly, before he could start apologizing again because that was the way these meetings went. He’d be demanding when he needed the money but as soon as he had it guilt would fill him. He’d sob and tell me it was the last time ever. That he’d never bother me again. Only he would. He couldn’t help it. The addiction held him in a grip so tight nothing would make him let it go. My fault. All my fault. “What is it, Luce?” he asked, though I could see his leg twitching. He was in a hurry to leave. To go and score no doubt. I decided to be blunt. “I can’t give you any more money, Alex,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t.” He shuddered. “That’s fine.” Of course he didn’t mean it. When he was strung out he’d beg and scream until I caved in. “Things are different now,” I continued,

needing to explain my decision to abandon him. “My life is changing, and I can’t afford to lose so much money every month. I’m going to have responsibilities. This morning…well…I realized….and…” I shook myself because it was Giles who should hear that news first, not Alex. “I have some money put aside though,” I added. “It’s not a lot, but I looked online earlier today and I think it will just about cover a treatment program.” “Lucy—” I held up a hand. “I know you keep saying you’ll think about it. But it’s crunch time now, Alex. We need to do something.” He looked up at that and I saw something there in his eyes. A spark of the man I’d once known. “What do you mean?” “Like treatment. An addiction recovery program.” He shook his head. “No. Before. How is it changing?” Absentmindedly I reached down and placed a hand on my stomach, a thrill of pleasure shooting through me again at the thought. “Well…” “I think I’d like to know that too.” Oh. My. God. My heart froze, blood rushed through my head, and I squeezed the countertop, barely able to believe I was hearing that voice. “Giles?” There he stood. Dressed in his office clothes too. His hair in its usual disarray. Looking beyond scrumptious. The father of your child. I gulped and took a deep breath trying to center myself. Almost afraid to look into his eyes, worried about what I’d see there because what the hell could he be thinking. Me in some sort of shady rendezvous with a drug addict? Because it was obvious that was Alex exactly. The thinness, the grime, the shifty look in his eyes. Any fool could spot it a mile off, and Giles was no fool. “Lucy?” He placed a hand under my chin and lifted my eyes so that they met his. He looked…tender? The anger I’d thought to find was not there at all. “Are you going to introduce me, Luce?” he prompted. “This is Alex, I presume.” I nodded mutely, unable to think of a single thing to say. Giles slid in the booth next to me and nodded to my ex and only other boyfriend. “I heard your conversation as I walked over,” he said. “So I know what’s going on.” “And who are you?” Alex asked.

“Lucy’s partner,” Giles replied and I sucked in a shocked breath. “Or her boyfriend, if you prefer that term.” He reached out under the booth and took my hand. His was warm and felt so solid. My eyes pricked, and I exhaled shakily. It had to be the hormones making me feel like this. So weepy and pathetic. But he’d just declared himself, hadn’t he? And despite the dodginess of the situation, because it seemed obvious now, he’d read my freaking texts! The thing I’d accused him of in the very beginning, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I was hungry, tired and I just wanted this over with. I just wanted to go home. “So here’s the deal,” Giles continued. “You take Lucy up on her treatment offer, which I will be paying for, or you stay the hell away from her. Those there are the options. There aren’t any others. Not anymore.” Alex shifted in his seat. “I don’t need help.” “If you don’t need help you don’t need money either. Personally, I’d walk away without offering you anything. God knows you’ve bled Lucy dry. But she cares about you. I don’t get it but she does. You know she told me once that I’d never understand the situation between you two. Not in a million years, and I didn’t realize then what she meant. I do now.” “Giles,” I whispered. “You don’t understand.” “Then tell me.” I arched my head in Alex’s direction, because now was so not the time. I didn’t want to remind him of what had happened between us. Mostly he didn’t even think about it. Too high to bother, but now and then he did and he still got angry during those moments. But then who could blame him? I’d abandoned him after all. “Not now. Not here.” Giles gripped my hand a little tighter. “Home it is then.” Like he’d read my mind. He slid out of the booth, dragging me along with him, but not like the night outside the bar. This was different. He sort of tugged me in a way that I could have easily pulled out of if I wanted. I didn’t. “You have Lucy’s number,” Giles said to Alex. “Let us know your decision.” I paused for just a moment to look at Alex and he at me. Our gazes held and almost at the same time we both mouthed the same words. I’m sorry.

Chapter Twenty-Two Giles: Shock is a good thing. It wakes you up in a way nothing else can.

I took Lucy to mine. I didn’t even think, because over the last month it had almost become ours. I liked to see Lucy there. Cuddled up in my bed, stretched across my couch. Puttering around in my kitchen. I sat her down on the sofa, laid a flowery comforter—a present from Penelope—over her and took her hand in mine. “So tell me,” I said, wanting to understand everything. Much was obvious to me now of course. Alex was a drug addict. Lucy had been giving him money. Question was why. “You read my texts,” she said. I shrugged, a little uncomfortable. “Well, yes. But I already paid for that didn’t I? Months ago, so I feel like I should be let off now.” Lucy laughed slightly. “I’m not even really mad. Relieved maybe. I can’t even believe sometimes I got so mad about that before.” I rubbed her cold hands. “So who is he?” “My ex-boyfriend. My first ever one in fact before you.” Shock held me still a moment at that. “But…there were always men….” Lucy shook her head. “No, Giles, there were flirts. Dates. But no men before you but him, and then after?” She waved her hands and scrunched her face. “I was so mad at you. So angry. I couldn’t tell you about Alex. Part of me was ashamed. Part of me guilty and there you were pushing me, and after that everything just sort of fell apart.” “Why guilty?” I asked, taking the easiest question first. Lucy pulled the comforter closer around her tiny body and sighed. “Because Alex is my fault.” I started at that. “Huh? How so?” “Because I abandoned him.” “Abandoned him?”

Lucy grimaced. “I grew up in a trailer park, Giles. Dirt poor. Alex and I were the only two kids our age around. We looked out for each other. Ran interference with our abusive parents.” I tensed and Lucy squeezed my hand. “Not abusive like that. They just used to beat us, there was never enough food—that sort of thing.” Ignoring her causal dismissal of her childhood I closed my eyes. My parents would love her. Mom would mother her to death. I would see to it. “So you were friends?” “Exactly.” She nodded. “But, Giles, I wanted out. I hated it there, and I did whatever it took. I worked hard at school. I was always creative. And I worked jobs whenever I could. My plan was always to get out as soon as possible.” “But not Alex.” It wasn’t a question because it was so fucking obvious to me now. Alex was Lucy’s past. The person she’d left behind when she made something of herself. “No,” she agreed. “Not Alex. He got in with the wrong crowds. Got involved in all sorts and we grew apart. The day I told him I was leaving he was so shocked. He thought we were going to move in together. To start a family.” She shuddered. “He didn’t get it at all.” “You left him?” “Yes. He got into the drugs not long after.” “But, Luce, you know that’s not your fault,” I said, baffled. “He made the choice.” She shook her head. “He did it because there was nothing left for him. I’d destroyed all his plans. Though I didn’t realize. A bitch, right? Cold? Ambitious? Self-involved? That was me. But, Giles, it was the only way.” “You felt guilty?” “Yes,” she admitted. “I did. But I never thought…the first time he asked for money I gave it to him because I felt so bad, and the next and the next. Every few months he’d come asking for more, intermittently over the years. But then I moved here and lost touch. He got my number somehow, though I have no idea how. And for the last seven months I’ve watched as he’s fallen apart. How could I not give it to him?” “You’re feeding his addiction,” I said gently.

“I know. But every time I see him I think of all the beatings he took for me. The food he’d bring me home from his burger job when I was so hungry. My stomach used to crunch and crunch and Alex stopped that.” I sighed. Understanding more than she probably knew. She thought she was a bitch, thought she was hard. Hell, she had everyone thinking that. But fact of the matter was Lucy was far from that. She was soft inside, easily manipulated. Maybe a little lost. I would take care of her now. She’d never feel lost again. “You’re not to see him again,” I said. “I’ll deal with this.” She gasped. “No!” “You want to watch him drag himself even deeper?” I asked “No, of course not. It’s awful of me, but I’ve wanted him out of my life for so long, and not just because of the money, but because I’m sick of feeling guilty! I just…I can’t ask you to pay for his treatment, Giles.” “You’re not, but I’m doing it anyway.” “But—” “But nothing,” I insisted. “I’ll sort all of this out for you. You’ll stop feeling guilty, Luce, because that’s gone now, okay? He made his choice and you made yours and that’s the way life works. I give you my solemn promise I’ll do everything I can to help if he helps himself. Beyond that we have to let it, let him, go.” “But why though?” she asked, her beautiful eyes finding mine. “Why Giles? Why follow me there tonight? Why go to all this trouble? After everything we’ve been through.” I shrugged, trying to act far calmer than I was in reality. Knowing my next words would be setting our life in place. “Because of everything we’ve been through. Because I’ve fought it for so long and I simply can’t anymore. The past is the past and we’re going to leave it there. All of it. You’re mine now, Luce.” “Giles…” “Because I love you.”

Chapter Twenty-Three Lucy: And there’s your ending.

I opened my mouth, closed it and opened it again. Had Giles really just said what I thought he’d said? Love? Love? Wasn’t that my line? I shivered inside. So happy. So fucking pleased. This was everything I wanted and then some—it seemed unbelievable. I wanted to say something equally as lovely back. To be the creative one, to say something heartfelt. Only I didn’t, and the words that fell out shocked me as much as him. “I’m pregnant.” Giles’ jaw dropped. His eyes widened. “What?” I moistened my lips, nervous as anything. Wishing I’d had a bit more finesse. “Erm…yeah. I found out this morning.” “Jesus Christ.” I held my breath. Not sure what he was thinking. Okay, he loved me, check. He wanted me, check. But a baby? Already? It might be too much…. “That’s what you meant?” he trailed off, shock flashing across his face. “To Alex. You were putting an end to it for the baby…dear God…” I swallowed, my stomach raveling in knots, my hands shaky. That this baby was mine was not in doubt. I would love it and give it everything I had never been given. But Giles? Could he accept it as easily? “Then we’ll have to get married,” he said suddenly. And now it was my turn to gape. “Giles, I know you’re from England, but this isn’t the seventeen hundreds you know.” He lifted me in one move, before I’d even had time to realize, settling me on his lap, the comforter still wrapped around me. He laid a hand on my belly, which unraveled in one, the tension dissipating, his eyes wide. “This is unbelievable, Luce. Bloody hell.” “I know!” “So married then?” “You don’t need to,” I protested. He lifted my chin and placed a light kiss on my lips. I shivered at the contact. “It’s not about need,” he said. “It’s about want. I want

you, Luce. Hell, maybe it is about need. I need you just as much. You’re mine.” “Yours,” I whispered. “Yes.” “You’re not even going to ask me if it’s yours,” I said, laying it right out there, my worst fear. Because I knew the truth. I’d had my period just before Giles and I boinked again part two. But Giles wouldn’t know that. He glared. “Of course it is. Don’t be so bloody stupid.” “The men from before though,” I said, hesitantly, because we had to talk about this. If Giles was serious. If this was a time for new beginnings the past had to stay in the past. “I was a total slut, and I don’t mean sexually. Just mentally. I felt like a slut because it was all so damn meaningless.” “My fault,” Giles said, stroking down my hair. “How can I blame you for something I caused? That stupid misunderstanding. Looking back on it now it all seems so stupid. Even though back then it was so intense. All that time we wasted…” He shook his head. “And besides, Luce. I wasn’t exactly a saint before you. I’m pretty sure I’ve still got you beat on the numbers—by quite a wide margin, in fact.” I swatted him on the arm and he laughed. “I don’t doubt it. But I’m not going to lie, Giles. I am very nearly in double digits.” He threw back his head and roared. “Bloody hell, Luce. I’d been thinking a couple of hundred. Nearly in double digits? At your age that’s pretty good going.” I glared. “My age?” “You know what I mean.” He smoothed some hair out of my face and kissed me again. “A baby…fucking hell….” “You’re pleased then?” “Shocked,” he replied. “But of course pleased. It means you have to stay with me now. We’ll have to make some lists. I have no idea what a baby needs though. I can set a spreadsheet up for you.” “Spreadsheet, no. Staying, yes.” I sighed. “I would have anyway. I’ve wanted you for so long, Giles.” Carefully he cupped my face, his big hands once again making me feel like a delicate flower. “I know sides of you that you don’t even know are there, Lucy. I’m going to help you discover them all, just like you’re going to help me.”

“Yes.” Just as carefully he took my lips in his and kissed me with a tenderness I didn’t even know was possible. Slow, gentle, like he…loved me. I gasped. Because he does, Luce. Because he does. The tension I’d lived with for so long melted and I leaned into him. Letting him wrap me up. “So here we are then,” he said when he finally pulled away. “Here we are.” “The two of us.” I shook my head, happiness the likes of which I hadn’t know in like forever cursing through me. “Nuh uh, it’s three now.” “So it is.” Another kiss, slow and leisurely, because we had all the time in the world now, didn’t we? “I love you, Giles,” I whispered against him. “Love you so much.” He shuddered and pulled me as tight as he dared—that is, not so tight that it would push against my stomach. I sighed, letting the red lace fantasy float away, for the next several months at least. Maybe I’d pull it out once baby was born? Or maybe I’d seduce him in my sweats—each seemed equally as appealing to me right about now. “Love you, Lucy,” he said. “So much.” And that was that. The End

www.emmashortt.co.uk

Other Books by Emma Shortt:

'Twas a Dark and Delicious Christmas The Valentine's Fae The Kiss

Paying Her Debt Getting Her Greek Midnight Seduction Pleasing the Boss Ripley's Reaping

Evernight Publishing www.evernightpublishing.com