The Deeper Meaning of Liff

Akctby DouglasAdtms in PanBoohs TheHirchHikcls cuid€ to rheGalaxy 'the Restaurant .u the Edgeof thc Univers€ Life,thc UnivcrscaDdEveryrhing SoLong.:nd Thankrfor AUrheFisL MostlyHarmless 'fhe

Hltch Hikcr\ Guid€to thc OalaxyOrnniburl:drtion The Hifth Hikcrt cuidc to thc calaxy: 'Ihc OriginalRadioScripts(€ditcdarldwith ln inrroduction by GeoffreyPerkins) Dirk G€nrly\Ilolistic D€t€ctive Agency 'Ihe l,ongl)ark Tea-Time of rhc Soul With Mark Qttua ine L.rstChanceto S€e

DouSlas Adams'w€biit€is .tl www.tdv.com

THE

DeeFe,

MEANING LIFF OF

D O U G L A SA D A M S & J O H NL L O Y D illuminatcdby BERT KITCHEN

The StarshipTitanicw€brireir 5rl www.rt.$hiptitaric.com lf you arc intcrcstcrl in thc worksof DouglasAdams, you may likc io joirrZZ9 PluralZ Alpha,thc official Ilitch Hikcr'sGuidcto the Galary Apprcciation Sociery. For detailsof thisfan+unsocicty, establishcd 17 years, 6cndan SAUIRCtol 67 SouthParkGard€ns Bcrkhamstcd HcrtsHP4 IHZ UK P A NB O o K S rAItIR & Fr\BER

Prefaccs PTEFACE TO THE FITSTEDITION,I9E! ln Lifc. th.r. .rc meny hundrcdt of cohmon .xFricncc., feelingr, rhualionr .nd .vcn objcd! which wc ell inow and rccotnizc, but for which no wotd cxi!!t. On tha orhcr hand, fic world ir litrcEd with rhou..ndr of tp.tr wordr which ,pcnd th.ir tim. doing nothinS but lo.fing.bour on ,ignpo.t! pointing ar phc.!. Ourjob, a! wc lcc it, ir !o gli thcrc wordr down off thc aignpocu rnd into thc mout}! of brbcr and ruckling! end ro on, ehcrc th.y aan ltrn c.ming their lccp in evcrydey conv.B.lion rnd mrl(e e morE lErilivc conrribul|Jon!olocfcly. h.tht Ad.*,l.li'tllo4 M'4lN,I9t2

PT,IFACE TO THE I9t' IEPRINT What w. 3.id in rhc fir$ pr.facc prclty much lgndq I thinl. Ddgbt A&tt, N@ Ydl\ I9tt

PAEIACETO THESECOND I964TEIIINT Canl rhinl ofany rhing much io rdd !o lhc prcviou! prcf.c.. -D.iats It'3 nicc, hcr., thou8h, t/(nt, s4a., iut lsir'l JohtU"d, ai^sth.r, tgl

PI'EFACE TO THE I9E6IEPr|NT wr| a point I war going !o mzL in thir prcf... bur ir'! on. of rho.c rhing! lhrt you jurt crn't rcm.Ebcr sh.n you actually rh down to writc it. blaht A&^t, MtA.a@, t9,t 'Ihcre

PRETACEE P I E F A C ET O T H E I 9 E 7R E P R I N T No. It camc b.cl io m. bricfly whcn I lfaa in Bi.zil, didn'thavc.Fn with mc. Dqgbt Ad.r,t,H6t K6g,l 6

but I

P I E T A C ET O T H E I 9 E ER E P R I N T

Did yougetlha prcfeccI fax.d you from Nc$ Zcaland? Ddgbt Aes, Zttr., 196E

P R E I A C ET O T H E I 9 8 9 I E P t I N f No. lot t Lbtt, L,fi,.ti, I9t9

P T , E T A CTEO T H E S E C O N DI 9 E 9R E P R I N T Pi!y. That wa! a tood onc. Cen'arcmcmbcr ho$ it wcnt now. Detbt Ae*, B.ij6g, 1 9

P R E F A CTEO T T I ET H I R D I 9 E 9R E P R I N T Did we male thc point about all thc!. word! ectually bcing ical placa namc!? D@sbt Adb^, Mdwitiu, I 9

P R E F A CT EO T H E F O U N T HI 9 6 9T E P R I N T Yc.. l&n Llird,I'tui,

I9E9

P R E F A CTEO T H E F I I S T E D I T I O NO F T H E D E E P E R M E A N I N CO F L I F F I 9 9 O Wcll, rhcrc'! not much w. nccd to add to lhal lhcn, rcally, rhcrcl D@da A,s',lo^'tlJ'rt, tdvr, tgn

Maps

ABI-ADL Abitrg€r(n.) cx.eplthefryingpan,the Oncwhow$hc!upcvcrything

andlhc aauccpan whiahlhc choaolatc cheerc-gratd saucc her bc€nrnadcin.

Adrt (n.) Oncwhochanges hb nam.to bcncarcrthefront, A.!lc.gh (n.) A liqucurmadconly for drinkingat the cnd of a rcvoltingly longborilcpartywhcnall thc drinkablcdrinl has b€endrunL. Abd.rnrrr (n,) Thc agonizinglituationin whichthcrc ie onlyone possiblcdecilionbutyourtill can\takeit. Abcftccg (vb.) Ofamatcuracbrs,

toadopt a Mexican ac€enrwhen called

uponto playanyvarictyofforeign.r (exceptPakisranir forwhoma W.bh acccnti. conlidcrcdsumcient). Abercr.vc (vb.) To d€!ir. stronglyto swingfrom the poleon rhe r.ar footplat€ofa bus, Ab€rt (vb.) Tochang€a baby's nameat thelastpo$iblemom€nr. Abcryrtwyth (n,) ycarningwhichir in ibelfmorcpleasanr A nostalgic rhan thcthingbcingycarnedfor. Abilcnc (adj.) Descriptiv€ ofthe pl.a3ingcoolness on th. rcv.ne rideof th€pillow. 2

Abligo (n.) On€whopridcshimrclfonnorcvcnknowingwhatdayof thewcel it is. Abotnc (vb.) 'fo b€atan cxpcn a! a gameof 3lill by playing30appalIinglythar noncof hfucl.v.r ractic!or itratcgie!arc of anyuscto him. Abrurro (n.) 'fhe wornpalchofgroundundcraswing. Abr€con(n,) An annual confcicncc hcld a! thc Dretonara Horcl, I.eds, for p.opl. whohavcn'!goranyorherconf.rcnccs ro8oro. Abwong(vb.) To bounccchccrfullTon a trcd. Ackliru (pl.n.) Th. odd lwinge!yougctin panr ofyour bodywhenyou e4raich othcrpans, Aclc(n.) 'fhe roguc pin whichlhirtmek.r. conccalii a hiddcn fold ofi ncw rhirt. ttr funcrionfu ro !r2byouwhcnyou donthcgarment. Addb Abrbr (n.) 'fhe torrentof incomprchenrible gibberithwhichcmanatcsfrom rh. loudcpcalcrson top of c5ls covcrcdin AdLlEop (n,) l hepartofa ruitcarewhichir dcaigncd ro tct snarlcdup 3

ADR-AIN

AIR-AMB

on conveyorb€h3at airports,Somcof the moremodcrn 'quickr€le$€' fcatur€ adlcstropdcrignshavca lpccial whichcnablcslhe caseto nip op.n at thispointandRing your underclothcainio thc convcyorbclt's 8€aring mocnenlsm,

Ilenc., al!o,howlong$c $ill havcto wahfor thc abolirionof incomctaxor thcSc@ndComint.

Adrigolc (n.) on whichthe man Thc cantr.picceof a merry.go.round unnervintly3lill. wirhthatickcts3tands Afrcot (n.) Thc sortof fart youhopep€oplcwiulalLaf(cr. Affpuddlc (n.) A puddlewhichb hiddcnundera pivotedpavinSston.. You only knowit! thera whenyou stepon thc paving up yourleg, stonaandthepuddlcahoots Ah.lry (adj.) 'Ihe way p.oplc atandwhen€xaminingother p€ople! booklhclves, Aigburth (n.) anatomyfoundamongst Any picc.ofreadilyidentifiablc cookcdmeat, Aind.rby Qucmhow (n,) bcmoans the'lors'of thc word'tay' Onewhocontinually to the Englishlantuage,.v.n thouShlhey had never usedrhe $,ordin any contextat all until they starled complainintthatthcycouldntu.eit anymorc. Airdcfty St rplc (n.) Onc whoasksyoua qucrtionwiththeapparen!motiveof wantingto haaryour am$er,but $ho culslhort your opcningrcntcnccby lcaningfonard andsaying'andI'll t€llyouwhyI asl . , .'and thcntalking3olidlyfor thancxt hour, Alnrsonh (n.) The lcnFh of timcit takcato tat !€rvcdin a camcra!hop,

Aird ofSl..i (n.) (A..haic) AncientScottilhcur!. plac.d from afa! on thc strctchofland now occupicdby HcethrowAirpon. Aith (n,) Thc sinSlebristle fiat sticl! ou! lidewayson a cheap painrbrush. Albrcctc (n ) A ,ingl. 3urprhingly long hair growing in th€ middlc of

Albuquerqu.(n.) 'l

he shapclc!!squigglcwhich is utterly unlikc your normal signatur., but which ir, ncvcnhcl$3, all you arc ablc tr: producc when a3kcd formally to idcntify your!.lf. Muslim3,whosc rcligion forbids thc making of gravcn images.usealbuquerqu* to dccorateth.ir tow€ls,mcnu cardsand pyjama!. Alcoy (adj.) wantint to b. bullicd into havinganothci drink. Aldclun. (n,) One$ho collectsrcn-year-oldtelephonedirectories, Alltrhi (n.) 'fhe ancicntan ofbcing ablc to balanccthc hor and cold

Ahbrrol.rnpy(n.) 'l'h!

bizarrcalsortmcnrof objc.tscollectedby a ileep-

Arnblerid. (n.) 'I he talk givcnaboutthc Facrrof Lifc bt a f.rhcr ro hh sonwhils!walkingin rhcgard€nona Sunday aftcmoon.

ARD-AYN

AME-ARD AncrrhrE (n.) (Thouthlto whichtickl.rbut ncvcrcornca. Thc ancez€ dcriv. from thc Mctropolitan Linc tubc atationof thc samc namc where thc raik alwaysrattL but th. train

Ard.liglith (adj ) of Sellotape whenyouar€ of thcbchaviour Dcacriptive tltco.

Anlwch (n.) whichha3bcenl.pt softbyb€in8 A Eritilh Railsandwich in clingfilm. andrescalcd regularlywashed Atrpu! (n.) A lurid bruisewhichyoucan'tremcmber tetting. An.niug (vb) (Eskimolcrm) To bang)our lhumb3bctweenlhe oarg whenrowing. Anjoromb€ (n.) brin8syoubaclfrom A lo6e, colouredgarm€ntsomeone expectyouto wcar. thcir travelswhichthcyhoneslly Arrglir (n.) (Archaic)1'hc medievalprecticaljoke playedby young squircson a lnight aspirantthc afternoonhe ii due to sr.rt his vigil. As ihe knight arrivcaat the castlethe asthe squir€rsuddenlyattcmptto raisethc drawbridg€ s!.pon it. knightandhischarg€r Ardcrory (n,) pass€d offas'a verytood lriend A remoicacquaintanc. people tryingto impress ofmina'bysomeone Ardclv. (vb.) yourpockct!whcn To mal(ca bigdisplayofs€archingall bya charitycollectot approach.d Ard.ltitrny (n.) On. who rubshis handseatcrlytogcthcrwhcnhc !it! downin a reltaurant,

ARDSLICNISH

Articl.ve (n,) .onstructiondcaigned to givethe A cleverarchilcctural illusionfrom th. topdeckofa busthatit isfar toobi8for rheroad. Ashdod(n.) Anyobj.ctagain3t whicha emokcrhabiluallyknock out hispipc. Aubueron(n.) 'fhc which hair3tylaa girl adop6for a spe(ialoccasion suddenlygivcsyou a scnreof $hat shewill look lile in twcntyycarr'!imc. Ayrho (vb.) 0fwaitcrs,ncvcrto havea pen.

B A N- B A T B.ntecr(n.) (Archaic) A lustyandraucous old balladsungafrcra (q.v,)ha! pariicularly spcctacular araglin bccnpull€doff. Brrrtibl.Y(n.) Bebworth(n.) havinga rcallygoodcry somcthintwhichjustifrer

A humorou.dcvic.luch asa chinahonc or rmallnalcd porc.laininfanrwhichjocular hosrsu!. to pilswercrinto yourScotch with.

(n.) Br&cho!.ch.r An on.offrclationlhipwhichnevergetsresolvcd.

B.dgrbup(n.) Thc lplotch on a child's face whcrc the ice-.reamcon. hashisscd, Bddock (n.) Th€ sharp prong on top of a tree slumPwhere the tree hassnappcdoff beforebcinBcomPletelysawnthrough.

Bdenrartinc(n,)

' Thelootwhich says,'Stoptalkingto that womanat oncc

Bdlycurnbcr(n.) One of the rix half-rcadbookslyinS someu'herein your b€d.

B.lr.r (n.) 'fie

noiscofa dustbinlid comingoffin the middle oftlte nrSnL AARSTIBLEY

Bentr(adj.) P.rraininEro. or d...riptivc of. that kind of facialexpresrion whici i! impdsib[ to achievecxceprwhen havinga passport photograph talcn, which resulls in hapPa!

Brthet(vb.) 'fo

prctendto havcr€ad th. book under di!.u$ion whan in factyou'v€only 3ccnth€ TV lcricr.

BAU-BEL B.ughunt (n.) That kind of largc fierce ugly roman who o$'n! a 3mall 6crccuSlydot. Dluab.r (n.) A fittcd clasticatcdbotlom thcct which turns your maltre3sbanana-!hapcd

B.uplc (n,) An indctcrminatepustule\dhichcould b..ithci a sP(nor a Dlrc, Bedingi (pl.n.) (Archaic)Thc uNavoury part! of a moat $,hicha kniSht ha! to pour out ofhi! armour aftrr bcint th€ vi.dm ofan araglin (q.v.). ln mcdieval Flanderr, louP made ftom bealingswasa very slighdylouthr'aft.r d€licacy

BcrulicuHill (n.) 'l'hc

optimum vantagcpoint from t{hich to view p€ople undrca.inginlhc bcdroomacro3sthc slre€t

B.cclcr (pl.n.) Tha smell bone buttons Placcdin baconsandwichesbt uncmployeddcnti.its.

Bcdfont(n.) A lurching 3.n3ationin th. pit of th. rtomach exP€riby th€ rcalizaiion enrcd at bieakfartin a hotcl.occasioncd tha( it i! about now thar th. chambcrmaidwill havedis' rlain on your bottomshe€i covcrcdthe embarrassing

B.lding (n.) first ball hae The technicalname for a stallionalier its 'Bcware of the reads which notice b€en cut off. Any Belding'shouldbe tal en very,vcry sclioudy

B€lF (n.) A lnob of somcone clsc's che$iD8 8um which you uncxpected\ find your hand resting on under l h e

l0

BEN-BIL pasrcntdlcat of yourcaror on somcbody!thighunder their!kirt. Benburb(n ) 'fh.sort of manwhob€comes a r.turnirg offi.er. Bcppu (n.) The lriumphantslammingshutof a bookafr.r rcading thefinalpage. Bepton(n.) Onewhobeam!b€nignly aft.r burping. B€repp.r (n.) 'I he irrevocablc andsturdyfart released in thc prcsence of royalty,whichroundslile quite a smallmotorbikc pasringby(butnotcnouSh!o beconfuicdwi$ one). Berkh.ortcd (n.) The massive three-coune nridmomingblow-outcnjoyed bya dieterwhohasah€ady donehisor herslimminS duty byhavinga spoonfulof cottatecheese for br.akfasr. Berrivillocl (n.) An unknown workmate who$rit.s'Allthcbcst'onyour Ieavingcard. Bcrry Pomeroy(n,) L TheshapcofaBourmer's lips. 2.Thedropl.t of salivawhichhanSs frofl thcm. Bickcrrtrffc (nJ fhc personin an olice that cveryonewhinges aboutin lhe pub. Many largecorporarions deliberarely employ bickeEtffca in cach department.lbr cxamplc.Mr RobcrtMexwcllwasbothChairmanand ChicaBictcr. staffeof Mirror GroupNc$papcr3. Bilbrrer (n.) A bauple(q.v,)sohidcousandcnormous tha!youhavcro II

BIN-BOG covcrit withrtiahngplaat.randPretendyou'v€cutyour' !clflhaving, BirdlG (vb.) To llip forcigncoinrintoa cultomcr'!change. Birhop'r Gurdlc (n.) An openintgambitbaforea Sameol chc$ *herebyth€ by smallornamcnt!Irom the mi$ing pia.caarereplac€d mant.lpiecc. Bl.ldford ForuE (n.) AnyRadio4 chatshow Blc.n (n.) Scicntificmcarureof luminosity:I glimmer= 100'000 blcans. Ushcrettectorchesarc dcaignedto producebelwecn then to a!3i3tyou in tallint 2.5 and 4 bleans,.nabling treadingon pcoPleor Puttingyourhandinlo downstairs, forchanF tubwhcnreaching a Neapolitan llithbury (n.) A l(x)k someonegivesyou whichindicat€rthal lhey're anythingyou'vesaid muchtoodrunkt; havcundcrslood twanty minutcs to theh in thclasl Blitt.rlc.r (pl.n.) 'fhc fittleslivcftof bamboopickedoff a canechairby a quelrwhi.h Iirterrhecarpetbcneath andtcll thc nervou3 piece isaboutro wholc offurniture chair! oiner rhatthe a until it rescmblcs llowlt uncoilttrribly and SiantPencil sharPcnrnt. Eodtnin (n,) b.twe€nthe Thc irrationaland incvitablcdiscrePancy when pooled n€edcd a large amount and lhc amount groupof'people try to paya bill togcth€raliera meal. Botu€ (n.) lhetoPof your b€twccn Thc expanleof3lin lhataPPcarc

801-Bos socksand the bottomofyour trourerr whcnyou sit down. 'Thc Dukc of lford thr.w him!.lf onto thc chc!ter6eld, brazcnlydilpleying hi! botu.s to lhc dowagcr Lady Ingatcatonc.' (Cotr. Soon,Streng. Hors.nan, b,/ BarbaraCarlland)

Boinh (n )

'fhe nobcthroughth. wall$hichtclliyouthat p€opl. the nextdoorcnjoya bcttcrlcx lifc thanyoudo.

BolloYcr (n.) Oneof thorebrownplasticlrayswith bumpson, placed upridedownin boxesof chocolates to makeyou think you'regettinSrwolayers. Bonkl. (vb,) Ofplumbinginold hotcls,to makcloudanduncxplained noisca in rhenight,particularly Ntabout6vco'clck in rhe mornlng. Boolt€Gn!(pl,n.) 'I hc amell3certcrings of forcigncoinsand halfpennier trhichinhabitdrc$ing tabl.s.Sinccthcyarc nevcrused and ncvcrthrownawayboohcenraccountfor a signiticantdrainon thcworld'smoncy supply. Eoothby C'|fioc (n.) l he manin thc pub whoslap peopleon the bacl a! if they w€reold friends,wh€nin fact he hasno fricnd!, larSclyon accouniof lhh habi!, Eoscerttc(n,) 'Ihc hugc pyramidof tin cani placcdjust insidcthe entrancc toaruFrmarkct, Boremrn (n.) One who spendsall day loafin8aboutn.ar pcdcltrian cro$ingrlookinga! ifh€'saboutto cro6s. l9

BRE-BRO

BOT-BRE Brrcor (n.)

Botch.rby(n,) The principleby which Britilh roa& are signPosled

Bod.y (n.) The prominent stain on a mans troulcr crotch seenon hir rciurn liom thc lavatory.A botlcyproper is causedby an accidenlwith the Push taPs,end should not bc con' ofthc fusedwith anystaincaus€dby ituumci€nt waSSling willy (!c€ piddl.trcnthide) Botolph! (pl.n.) Hucc bcnign tumours $hich archdcaconr and old cheiiristrytiichers affcct to taearon the sider of rh€ir Bot!w.n! (n.) SomerhinHwhich ir more fruitfully used lbr a purpose other tha; that for which it was dcsigned.A firhlnife used to lcver open a stubborn tin of emukion is a line examplcofa bolswana,

Botu.flcming(n.) sleeltrorcl usedbysur' (Mcdical) A small,lonS-handled geon3to removcth€ con!€nl3of a paticnt'3nostrik Prior to a sinusoperatlon, Errbdt (adj.) Vcry much inclined to 3ee holf lar you can push

Br.dford (n.) A schoolteacher'sold hairy .jaclet, now severelydiscolour€dby chalLdust, ink, e&t and thc precipitationsol unedifyingchemicalreactions

Erdwortht (n.) On€whon.kill€d in th€art ofnaminglmres Br€clde. (n.) ofartifi(ialplanb. A discasc

t4

'fh. pan oftha tocnailwhich isdcaigted!osnagonnylon shccls.

Brindlc (vb.) To remcmbcrsuddenlywhercit is you'remcant!o be goingaft€ryou'v.already bccndrivingfor tenminutcs. Bri.ban€(n.) A p€rfcctlyrcasonable (Suchason. offered €xplanation. by a Frlon with a Surgling.oughwhichhasnothinSto do withlhe facrrhatrh€y3mokcfiflycigarcuca aday,) Brithdir (n.) (Old Norsc)The frrsrday of the win!€ron whichyour breathcondenscs in thcair. Bro.t5 (pl.n.) A pair of trouserswirha carecrbehindthem,Broatsare mGt .ommonlyseenon .ld.rly reriredarmy ofnc€r!. Originallythe broatswercparrof thcir besrsuirbackin the thiriics;then in lhe fiftiesthcy weredemorcdand usedfor gardening.Recenrly, pcnsionsnor bcingwhar rheywcrc,the broatshavcbcencalledout of rctirement andreinstaied aspan ofthe b€itsuitag"in. Brompton(n,) A brompt
Bromrgrovc(n.) Any urbanenvironment containinta smallamoun!of clotrurdandebourfony-nve ronrofbcnrnc.l pylonor a rr.rlnpofcon(rere hirh holerclaimingto bc sculprurc.

Oh, comemydcar, and comewirh m. And wandcr'ncaththc bromsgrovcrro. - Bcljcman

I

BUR-CAA

BR O . B U R

mant is thrown inio tha ltrcet from a grcund-floor

Broucb sowe.bY(n )

o-nc who har beenworlint ai thc lame d.3k in thc aame ;lncc for fifi€cn ycaB and has very much his o$n ideas about\a,hyhe i! continuallypa$ed ovct for promouon'

Brubby (n.) whisly the fakc antiquePlasucscalon a Pret€nlious bortlc. Brvrbo (nJ bun lcfi in a b'ker'l shoPafter Thc singlcunappeiizinS four P m. Budby (n ) deflncdlhioughRimsyor welmalerial e'nippicclcarly BudG(n.) of vicars for u3cin th' prcaence A polilejokercservcd Budlc (vb.) To fart undarwar€r' Buldoo (n.) accompanrs A virulcntrcd'colourcd Pu3whichgcncrally v (q sadbcrF(q )' v clonmuh )and Burb{. (n.) Thi sound madebv a lifttut ot PcoPleall tryint to breaihethroughth€irnoses'

BurntYd.r (pl.n,) Condition to which yat.! (q.v.) will suddeDly pali withour

period,aftcr thc lpiri! of rhc any apperentint€rveninS (q.v,)ha!finallyb.cn iurnmoncdby inc.!!throckmorton antrhrocling(q,v.). Bur.Ldon (n.) 'l heblu€bottlc oncb tootir.d to 8ctup andswat,but nor rired€noughrorlc.p rhrough. BurrlcD (n.) OnewhoSoeson talkingat threeo'cloclin thc morning alier evcryoncelschas gone to sl.cp. Thc principal habitatofburulcms b Radio2. Burton Cogglc! (pl.n.) The bunchof kcyrfoundin a dra$erwhorepurpolchas long becnforgottcn,and whichcan lh€reforenow bc usedonlyfor droppingdownpeople'rbaclsa3a cur. for nose.bleeds. Burwarh(n,) 'l hepleasurable ctr)lsloosh ofpuddl. watcrovertheto€s ofyour gumb(xn!.

Bur.. (Dl.n.) (Mc;ical)Thc s.abson thekn€€sandclbowsformedbt a to makeloreon cheaPnmr'matiint compulsion Burl.lton (n.) hummingandwhistlingadoptcd tunetes! That peculiarly angrY' arecxtremelY by peoPlewho Burlingiobb (n.) crimeby whichexcre(Ar;haic)A s€vcntecnth<€ntury l6

Crarnduncan (n.) 'fhe

high-pirchedand insistentcry of the young male huhan urging one of its peer Sroup to do 3om€thin8 dangerouron a cliff-edgeor pic(€ of ioxic waltcground.

t7

C H A- C L A

CAD-CAN Crdootr (n.)

Thc inSrcdi.nt in coffc. crcam.r tha! rire! to the lurfecc a! !aum.

c|fu (n)

Tha frugtrationof not bcing ablc to lcmemb€r what an acronym standsfor'

C.hor. (Pln.)

The ruthca of .motion trigger€d by overheardsnatches ofan old song.

Criro (n,) 'Ihc noiseof a spinninghubcap comin8to resl

Crlicur (adj.)

Detcrminednot to let someoncseehow much their inad' v€rtcnt remarl hashurt/ou'

C..E.r (n.) A mh-lo33cdcabcr' C|trnoct Ch{. (n.) ln any box of Aftcr Eitht MinE, therc is always-alarge nu-b.t of ..pry "n".lopes and no more than four or in. "ctuat mitits Thc canno(k chase$ the Processbv which, no maltcr whi.h Part of the box you ins€rt your ot linrcts into, or ho$'oft.n' you will always'xtrad most or actualmtnt' an th;mPty sach€tsbcforc PinninSdown who Put Thc cannockchas?also o(curt sifi PeoPIe lhen embarrass and matchbox in th€ back dead match.s tttitsot".t "r Partiestrying lo liSht cigarctteswith threc quartcr! 'The ol an inch ofcharcoal' term i! ako used to dcs( be futile attcmPtsto puBue uns{ruPulousadvcrtiling agencieswho nick y')ur with id€asto scllchocolatcs

Crnudor(n.)

to !€etheirsinglcfriends Thc delirc of marricdcouPlca pairoff l8

ChdiDg(ptcpl.vb.) of Tryingnot to bc drivenup th. wrll by th€opinions

will not allowyou!o artue whomcircumltancca somcon€

Chcb(n.) by whicha fourtccn-ycar-old An emturrarringnickname wisher that hc now tob€known. inrkts boy Chrnic! (pl n.) 'lhe lalr few spri$ or tasschof lasl y€ar! Chrhtma! you noticeon th. ccilingwhilelyin8on thc decorations so{a on an Auguslati€hoon.

Chicago(n,) "fhe windwhichprecedes an und€r$ound foul-sm€lling tlain,

Chimbote(n.) cth ic stewwhich,howcvcrmuch A newlyfashionablc ev.ryone ravesafbut it, seem!to you to havc.ath.r a lot offi3h-head!in it. ChinLent (n.) One whore life appcarsnot to have movcd on in any directionat all whenyou meetthem atain tan ycarslater.

ChippingOtrgrr(n.) 'the

'ongar') fch by an disgustand embarrasrmcnt(or r)bserverin th. pr€senc.of a p€rron festoonedwith kir. bics(q.v.),$hcn they donl lno$, them wcll cnoughto tcll 'ongar' is accom' thcm to wipc th€m off. Invariablythis paniedby an involunlarystaccatotwitchingol the lct (or '(hipping').

clabby(adj.) A clabby con!€rsationis one struck up by a commissi{rraircor cleaninglady in order to avoid any furth€r ctual work. The opc ing 8ambit is u3uallydesiSnedto provoke the maximum confusion, and lherefor. ih. l9

c L o- c o o

CLA - CLO lonrclt polriblc clabbyconvcrsationl! i! lilally imPor_ Bnito l;arn thc corrcd uscof clixby'(q v ), the rclPoN€ 'dithcrro a clabbvlrambit,and noi to get traPP'd by a inqto" tq.uf. For inrtancc, if confronkd b) a clabby "i-Ui, *'"t' a3'Oh Mr Smnh, I didnt know vou'd had iour leg off, thc ditherington rclPonrc is I havcni whcrcr;thc clixbyis'd" Cl.ck void (n.) The tcchnic.l term for a sintl. pagc of script from an AustraliansoaPoPcra

chck nn|n (n.) The soundmadeby tnrrting ovcran 'lePhanfs'foot umbrella-standfull of walkinS-!tick3

Cl.thy (adj )

Nirvourly indeciri'eabout how io disPoseol a dud lighlbulb

Cl.nchtd.rton (n.) bysqu'czin8which' (Archaic) anexorcist Oncwhoas3is$ cveroan of rhepocre$cd$c cxorcirtdcemsus€ful CUnpy tadj.) to do romcthingand eilowin! yoursclfto bc pcrsuaded bc relu.tan! to Pr.tcnding Dorn€ (n.) Cli!rr[|!'. to Puton a ih€ conditionin whichit be.om$imPG3ible mccting imPortant for an hurry whcn ina tiecorr€ctly

clovi! (n ) one whoactuallylook forwardto puttinf up ftc Chriltin thcomce, masdecoration3 Clut (n.) A leg which has gon. io 3lc.p and ha! to bc haulcd aroundaftcryou. Clunc! (pl.n,) won'tgo, Peopl.whojust Coil.ntogle (n,) (vulg.) Long €lalticated loop of snot which conneca a

pullcdbogcy toanose. condovcr(n.) Onewhois .mploycdto standaboutall dsybrowlint rhroughihc magarincrackin thc newlagcnt.

Cong(n.) ft.lal utensil found at thc back of the Strange-shapcd raucepancupboatd,Many authoritic! bclievcthat congs providcconcluliv. proof of thc cxirtencaofa now.xtinct fbrm ofycllow vcgetablcwhichthc victorian! u|cd to boil mercileilly.

clixby (adj.) Politelyrudc.BritklyvagueFirmlyuninformativc Clortc. Point (n.) in3taniat which!.raoblcdc8$ areready Thc Drccise Clortrult (n.) A vellowooz. uually found ncar secr'tiotuof buldo') (q.!.)andtadbcrtr(q v ). 20

coNc

Coodardy (adj) Astoundcd to tet awaywilh. at whatyou'vejultmanaged 2l

c o R- c o R Coff. (n.) froma An objcctwhichi.ralmor!tohlly indirrin$rilhablc newspip€r,lhc one crucial diffcrenccbcing that it belonqf,to rcmcMy clla and b unaccountablymore

inrcrcidng than yourorn - Hhich mayoth€ffisc aPPcar to bc in all rcrpcctt idcntical. Thourh it ir a rule of life that a train or oth€r Public placc miy contain any numbcr of corfes but only one ncwspaper,it b quite Pdsiblc to transform tout own pcrfcitly ordinary newspap.rinto a corfe by the simplc cxpcdicntof lattingsomeonaclscrcadit,

Corfu (n.) The dulle!! p€non you mct during thc courucol your holidav.Al3othc onlv on. who failed to understandthat lhc .xchandng of addrdscaal fie cnd of the holidayi3 mcr.lt a socialritual and b abtolutelynot en invitationto phonc you up or turn up unannounccdon your dooKtcP thicc monthi latcr, (n.) Corric.ruct Thc mom.nt at which two PcoPle,aPProachingfrom oppolit. cndt ofa long Pallatcway.recoSniz..achother and immediatclyprctend th.y haven\' Thi it to avoid lhe Ehaldy embarrasrmentof having !o condnucrccog' niziigcachother thc wholelcngrhof the corrdor.

Coriccnvi. (n.)

To aventhc horron of corricvorric(q v.),corric.raviei3 Thb is thc .owardlybut highly3kill€d usuallycmployed. procees by whichbolhProlatonbt.condnu.to approach whilc kceDinrup thc prctcnc€thal thcyhavcnlnoticed eachorhci-"by itaring furiou.lyat lhcir f.ct. grimacing or studyintthc wellscloa€lyai if in a into a notabook, moodof dccpirritation.

Corrt.doo (n.) in a long Pas' Thc crucialmomcntof falscrccognition rag€waycncounter,Though both propleare perfcctly thcymurtevcn' wellawarcthattheothcrisaPProaching

c o R- c o T 'I rually pretcnd ruddcn r€cognirion. hcy now lool up with a glaerysmile,asifhaving spo(ed eachorhcr for lhe 6rrt time, (and arc pa icularly dclighrcd to havc don€ so), shoutinSout'Haaaaallllllooool'as if to say'Good gri€n! You!! H!r!!l Of all p€opl€lW€ll I n€v€r.C(t). Srap me vilals,'ctcetcra.

Corricmoillie(n.) Thc drcadful rinking scnsationin a long paltag.way encounter $,hcn both protatonirts immcdia!.ly rcalizc they have plumFd lbr thc corriedoo (q,v,) much too earlyar they are itill a Soodthirty yardr apan, Thcy wcre embarra-rscd by the prctcnceof corriecravie(q,v,)and decidcd to make usc of th. corricdoob€causeihcv fch riUy. This wa! a mirtal(ear corrielorrie (q.\.) $ill makc them secmfar rillicr. Corricmuchloch (n.) The kind of p.rson who can malc a completemels ofa simplejoblitc walring downacorridor.

Corrievorric(n.) Corridor ctiquettcdcmand! that oncc a cor .doo (q.r.) hri bc.n dcclarcd,corricvorric murt b. cmploy.d. Both protagonirk mu.t now cmb.llfuhth.ir approachwith an embarra$ing combinationof waving,grinning, rnaking idiot faccs,doing pirarc impr.3siom, and $affilin8 ihe hcad from sidc to sidc whilc holding the other pcrsont cyes as th€ smil. drips off thcir face, until, with great reliet, lhey passeachothcr.

Corrtorphinc(n.) A very short percmptory scrvicc held in monastcries prior |o tca-timeto offer thanks for the bcncdictionof digestivebiscuits. Cott r.aocl (n.) A pi.ce of wood usedto stir paint and thereafreritored Lrselca3ly in the sh€din perpetuity.

23

cow-cRo Corecrddcu (pl.n )

A lat of twelvcco$caddcnimakcaan idcal and complctclybaffiingwcddintgifl

Cr.boon (vb.) froma cliff. To shoutboitterously Cr.il (n.mineral) crail b a commonkind of rock or gravelfoundwidely acrG3fie Britbh lllca Eachindividual6tone(duc to an asyct undhcovcr€d cravitalional prop€ny) i! chargcd with n€gative Thismcansthatnomatterhowmuchcrailvou Euoyancy'. from thc Sardcn,more of it $ilt risc to th' remove surface. Crailis muchcmploycdby the RoyalNavyfor making andalhltaysutedinsubmarinca. th. papcrwcigh$ Cr.ll€igh (n.) A mood of irralional irritation with €vcryoneand evcrythint. Cr..b.rd (n.) Thc light workint lunchwhichAnnc Hatha$ayused!o makcfor her husband Cricff(vb.) with a taxldriveraboutimmi' To agreesycophantically gmtron. Cron.rty (n,) The brittl. sludgewhichclin$ to the toP of kclchup plallictomaloctin nast)cai€t bottlesand

D.ldctby (n ) bccause it rcfcrg A lettcrto thc .ditor mademcaninglc.s ro a prcviousletter you didn\ read. (Sc. A.H, Hcd3rd,) gchope,July Dalfibbl. (vb,) ofyourlifc lookingfor cark€ys, T o rpendlargeswathcs Dallow(adj.) contentto !tar. at lom.thingfor no particular Perfectly Ddmilling (ptcpl.vb.) $ho h tryinglo continuallymakintsmalltalkto 3omeone reade book. Dalrynpl. (n.) Dalrymplcs arethc thing tou paycxtrafor on pic.caof handmade craflwort- th. rough.d8et,lhe paint3mud8esandih. holcain thetlazing, Damnaglrur(n.) whichactorrare requircdto A certainfacial€xpression dernonstratc of bcforcthayareallowcdto thcir mastery playMacbcth. Darenrh(n) Ilealure= 0.0000176 mg, D€fin€das ihat amounl of margarin€caPableof (o!.ring onchundrcdrliceiof brcadto lhedeplhol onc rnolcculc. Thi! b thc legalmaximumallowedin sandwich Daftin Grcatcrlrndon. 25

D I L- D O L

DAR_DID D.rvcl (vb.) 1'o hold out hop€ for a b€tt.r invilation until th€ lalt F,!!ibl€ mom.nl

D.ttucl (n.) 3olGonhfuln€es Oncwhop€rfbrmsdrum D.d (n,) Th€ gummy subltancefound b€tw€endamPtoca. Dcrn Fu!c. (Pl.n,) Thing. thar cl€r8ymcnoPinc on that arc none of lh€ir damnbusinc$,

D€l.wre (n.) Tha hidcourltuffon thcshelvc|ofa rcnt.dhou!€ Dc. MoiD.! (pl n ) fromyournose Thctwoliltlelincathatcomedown (n.) hchr part of the hymn(wuallya fewnotetat the end of Th€ wherethc tunc Soca50hith or low that you virsc) thc it suddcnlyhavclo changcpilchtoaccommodate D.v.ntcr (n.) A dcchion ihaft vcry hard to take becauscao little dcpcndsonit-lite\dhich waytowalkrounda Park Dcwlieh (adj ) bath aft.r anov€rlong (Of thchandsandfcct,)Prunelike Didcor (n.) Thc tin' oddlyrhaPcdbit ofcardwhicha lickciinsP€cor cuts out of a dcket wirh hi3 .lipp.r for no apParent facttha!theconfettiat Princcas rcason.h ir a litdc-known Marmr.fs weddingwasmadeuPofthoulandrofdidcols on theRoyalTrarn cotleitedby irrspect-ors 26

DillytoP(n ) The kindof barhplugwhichfor romcunaccountabla rcalon ir actuallydcligncd to rit on topofrhc holerathcr than fir into it.

Dindcr(vb.) 'fo

nod thoughlfully whilelomconegivcr you a long and complcx ict of direciionowhich you know you'r. ncver gornt ro rcmcmocr,

Dinrdd€(n.)

Onc who alwayrplays'Chopltick!'on lhe piano.

Dippl. (vb.) 'fo try to removc a stickysomcthing fromonchandwith the other, thus causin8it to gcr ltuck to the othar hand and eventually!oanythingclseyou trt to removci!wi!h.

Dithcrington(n.) Sudd.n acc€3s of pani. cxpcrianccdby onc who realirca thal hc is b.int drawn incxorably inlo a clabby (q.v.) convcftation,i,.. on€ hc ha! no hopc of cnjoying,bcn.fiting from or und.mtanding.

Dobwrllr(pl.n.) The now hard-boilcdbhs of nartinc$ which havc ro be prised off cro(kcry by hand aftcr it har bccn through a dishwashcr.

Dockcrt(n,) Facatiousbahaviouradopicd by an acau€d man in thc histakcnbcli.fthet thh willcnd.ar him to th.judg€.

Dogdyke(vb.) Of dog ownerc, to adopt the ab,surdprctcnc. that tha animalshittingin the gut!€r is nothing todo wirh th€m.

Dolgclhu(n.) The clump,or clustcr,of borcd,quictlycnraged,rnildly ,7

D U B- D U L

DOR.DUB menwaitinSfor thcir wivesto comeout ofa €nbarrassad roomin a dressshoP chan8rng Dorchclter (n.)

Somconcels. s throaly couth which obscuresthc crudal oan ofthe ratheramusinSrcnrarkyou velustmade

Dorridg! (n.) Tecinical term for onc of thc very lame cxcuteswrittc$ or ln "..v .rn"ff print on the lide of Pactelr of food why lhere e hardlv an)fting *"tttins po*ai. to .*plain'Conientr may havc tcttl€d in includc in,iJ..'rl".pt.,'i-. hav' b" indirhev l..p t*uns fr€lh ir.""i, ."a scP' and c€lloPhnneand viduallr wrappedin silvcrPaPcr and ilaP a cardboard linin8 arated wirh iorrugated heavyindustrieltYr.3.'

Dsbuquc(n.) A lool givcnby a supcriorpcrsonto rcrnconcwhonas arrivcd *.arin8 thc wronglort of sho.!. Duddo (n ) 'fhc mort deformedpoteb in any dvcn collcctionof POtatocs.

Dnffrn (n.)

An infuriadng p€rlon who alwaysmenatcl to looknruch more dashinfthan anyoneclsc by turninS uP unshaven and huncoverera formal Party.

Orcblcvfn.)

to be wiuy but is in b suPPo3cd Name for a shop which'1'hc 'Hair Exchang€" lrffk € ir.i *.**..1 s. ApPaient, ek

Droitwich (n )

A streetdance fhc lwo partnersaPproachfrom oPposrlc dircctionsand rrv politciy t() ge! out of €achoth€rt $ay 'fhev stePto stepto the [ft, stePto lhe right, NPologiz€' as often rcPeat and thl ieft again,bump into eachoth€r asunnecdsary.

Drurnlu ( .)

tlul ftcurs \rhenI charactcn a car(x)n l hecarrhquake rrrnrintoa wall

Dubbo(rr.) 'l hc bruis. whohas or calluson theshouldcrol someone bc€nkniBhtcdunnecca3arily ofren. 28

Dufton(n.)

DUDDO

The laet page of a documcntthat you alwayt lcavcfacc down in thc photocopierand havc to 80 and retncvc later. DugglGby(n,) Thc p€rron in front of vou in thc tuPcimarket qu.u. who har jult unloadeda bulging trolley on to thc con' reyor trck and ir now in tha ptoc€!! of !rying to work out which po(ket lhey l€ft thcir chcqucbool in. end indced, whichpair oftrouscru.

Dulccl (n.) forthcalarm Suddcn asyouliein badwaiting realization, to go off, that it shouldhavcSoneoff en hour ago.

Dulu$ (adj) Thc cmellofa taxioutofwhich PcoPlch.vejust tot

D U 8- D U N Dunb.r (n )

A hishly sp€cializcdfircal tcrm u3€d solclyby turnstile ooerilites it Rcqcnt'rPark zoo. l! tclir3 !o the variabl. ainount of increisein thc gatc takingson a Sunda)alier' nd)n, cauledby person!goingloth€ zoob€caulcthey ar€ in love and bcliavcthat the fccling of romanc€will b€ lom€how cnhanccd by the sm€ll of Panther3wcatand rank incontinenccinthe rePtilehouse

DuoboF. (n.) Thc realizationthat th€ train you havePaticntlywatchcd pullinS out of thc atationwasthe one you wer€meantto Deon, Duncr.ggotr (n ) The nameofCharlcs Bronson'sr€tirem.nt cotlage Dutr8ene.! (n.) 'lhe un€asyfccling that thc plastichandlesof the overloadcdsupermarkctcarrier'bat you are carryingare 8el' !iogsteadilylont.r. Dunitro (n.) Someonawho alwaF wantsto do whatcveryou $anl k) do.

Dutrolly(n.) An improviscdumbrcila. Dunrtlr (n.) A 3mallchildhired to bounceat dawnon thcoccuPantsol the sparc b€droom in order to sale on tce and alarnr

Drntirh (a{i.) by a s€vcr€ha gover. McntallyincaPacilated

E d. (pl.n.) Thc lludty bir! in theboitomof a dwtbin,und.rncarh thcactualbinlincr. Eaking (ptcpl.vb.) Wondcring whatto do n€xrwhenyou,vcju {orm€dour ot rcmctnrng. EastWiatcrirt (h.) Thc rameas Welr Wirkring (q.v.).only it's you rhcy.r. lryrnt !o g€rawaytrom, Edgb.rton(n.) Thc apar€ lcar-culhion placcd again!! !h. rear oI a Londonbusroindicarcthar ir ha!brokcndown. Elgin (adj.) Thin.andhettard asa r.sultof strnuouslyrryingro get healrhy, Elsricn. (n.) A b€adofswearwhichrunsdownyourboltomclcavagc. Ely(r.) The 6rs!,.rinicai inklingtharromething, somcwherc, har I{onetcrnblywrong. Ernsvorth(n,) Mcasurc of timeandnohalcrlnc$dcnn€da3thcmomcnt bctweenthc doorsof a lift closingand ir bcdnningto b€lievewc rpendip to one 6-fihof our ln,,vc.Sci€ntfuts ljvesin Iifis.

30

5t

E R I- E X E

E N U- E P W

Eribou(n.) A brown bubbl€ of chc$c conainint ta!€o$ malrer which grow! on wcllh rarcbit.h wa! Sir Alexand.r Flcming's studt of cribolls which led, indirftdy, ro hb discoveryofrhe factrha! he didn r lik€ wclrh rarchr much.

Erh€r(n,) Oneof thc[c pushtapsimralledin publicwashroom! cnablingthc ulcr !o walhthcir trourcrswithoutactually g.ttinginrothc balin.Tha mottpowcrfulclh€rofrccent ycaruwa! 'damp€ddown'by RedAdairafter.n incrcdiblc. 3ixty-eithtdayr' fight in Manchcltcr'spi..adilly Els€trdlnc(n.) lrng slowrigh cmhrcdby a fale learhararm(hairwhcn 3aton, ELSiICXLE

Enulrcl.w (n.) whichthcy Oneoftheinitiationritualsofthe Freemasons arenolontcr allowedto do Epptng ' '.fhi (prcPlvb ) used of foreingcrrandeyebrowr firtit. mo"cments wailen and of the atlenlion rc attract whcn failing barmcn. Eprom (n.) An €ntrvin a diarv(!ucha! a dateor a 3etofinitial!)ot a nameand addr.3l in your eddtcsrbook'of whichyou har,enlthefeinlcltidcawhatit'sdoingthere' Eprvorih (n.) {q v ) lt i3aThc preciscvalucof thc uicfulne$ofePPinS factthat an €arlierdrali of th€ hnallin' ol litr.lc-known thc filrn Cou ui& tlE Wht had Clark Cablc aaying 'Flankly,mydcar,I dont SivcancPwonh thclinebcint e"cnruillyitrangcdon thc Sround!th.t it miShtnol b' in lowa,or indc.danywhere' underrtood

Erterhuy (adj.) (Mcdica.l Suffcring from rclccrivc rnemory los. 'fhc vifuslcrm) whichcaulcsrhir conditionis thou{hrro brccd irrthcair-conditioning ryrtcmof rhcWhitcHo-urc. Euphntc. (n.) The bu.lkhitwith whicha chairmanintroduccsa gucst sPealcr. Ewcht. (n.) Th. 3mileb.rtowcdon youby anair hortess, Exeter(n,) All lighthouaahold andcl.crricaltood. containa numbcr rJIvital(ornponcnts plu!at lcaltoneexetcr, Ifyou'vcjurt mcndcda fircc,changcd a bulbor fixeda blendcr,the cxcrcr ir thc 6mallplalri. pie.c l€ft ovcr whichmcansyou havcro undocv.ryrhingand sraitall

33

FAR- FLI

Fuahra (n.) The fcclingftar yougetar abourfour o clockin rhc

aiternoonwhcnyouhaven\tor enoughdon.. F.rrrnc.liidy (n.) A long and ultimatclyunruccessful anernprro undo golhcone'i bra,

Frl.tcr (n,)

A long.winded, dishonest and comPletcly incr€diblc whcn thc truft would havcbeencomPlercly €xcuse-uscd acccptabl.

(n ) Frm|gutt Thc draught which whisdcab€twccntwo bottoms that rcfuseto touch,

Fentoudl. (vb.) To laypla(escrrings withthc knivcsandforls thewrong wayround. Ferf.. (n.) Onc who is very excir.drhatthey.vehad a berteridca thantheonctou vcjurrlu8gstcd. Firuge (vb.) In any divilion of foodlruff3cquallyOerwcen rcvcral peopt€. rogiveyourselfrh.cxlradic.lcfi ovcr. Fircbeg(n) A rcmarkintendcdto cueappleuleat a Tory panycon. Fiur.r/ (n,) l'hc aafcplaccyou put lomcrhingand forgct$hcre ir Iladderbiltcr (n.) 'l har pen of a raincoarwhichtraib our of a car afrer you'vccloscdthcdooron it.

FAMAGUSTA

tr$ducknrntotr (n.) omitt.dfromthc (Archaic) An ancicntcdict,myltcriously of fowl on that the lecding bom*day Book,requiring out equhablt carried villagcpon& shouldbc 54

Flrglct (n.) .s'omeone i{ho alway!3€em!to dhapp€arintolhoF whcn youre walkingalontraltingto them. Flihby (n.) ()ne of th e irriraringhandle-lcar llippcry rraNtuccnt r)agsyou g€rin supcrmarkct! which,no mert.rhowyou huldthem,always contrivetoletsomerhinc fallour.

35

F R A- F R O

F L O- F R A Flodigrrry (n ) fith'r' oihlin wotnbyd€cP'rca rdout An ankle-lengh in GlasSow' mer in ArbroarhandPublicam FtuEr (pl.n.)

Womenwho only talk io cachothcr at Panrcs'

Foffstt (adj.) Unabl. !ofind ihc right momcntto lcave Foindlc (vb.) way up To qucu€-jumPv.ry dilcrcctly b_yworking one 3 lhc li[. without bcing3pottcddorngrc'

(PtcPl.vb.) Fopirg 'n.-fu.i"g wisrful 5obloody to oy *tt"t it i! yourc looking Foniaria (n )

(Archaic)Thc righr of thc lord of thc manorto molest dwarfson thcirbinhdaYs'

Fov.lt (n.) of th' A raxi.drivcr'3 8e!turc,a tailedhandPoint'dout actually you' but *i"io" *tti.tr iurponr to mean\hank off ou!ofmYwaY mcans'bu8t€r

Fr.ddu (n.)

Thc amall awlwatd{hapcd Piece of chedc which itret grating a iargc icSular-lh'p€d pi€ce of r.."ini you to Sratcyour 6ngcri' chccsc.and whiih cna.-blca

(n ) Fr.dilghn uragelt ir cunningly of burdaralarmin common A kin-d dcrirncd rc tlar it can ring al full volumc in $e ltrect with-outapparcndydisturbinganyone oittcr tlyicr of itamlinghamr ate burglar alarmsittcd to busrn$t Dr,amirc!in tctidcntial arcas.whld to oll ar a routin. a! 5.31 Pm on a Friday ma{.r of;crul cveningand d:onot gct turncd off till 9.20a m on Mon' day morninS.

36

fr.nt (n.) Measura.The lcgalminimuih dirlanccbctwc€niwo train! on thc Di$ic! and Circlc linc! of thc landon Undcrground. A franr, which murt be not lesrthan 122chainr (or E lcaglct long, i! not conncc!.d in any way with thc adj€(rivc'franric' which comcro ur by a complctclydif. ferent roure(a3indecddo!h. trains).

Fr.ting Grc.n (adj.) 'l hc-rhade of tle€nwhichfuruppored to mak.youfcel comtortabtc in ho.pitak, indutriour in schonh and uncasyin policcsretions.

Fremeadc (vb.) 'Io lrcal thin$ not wonh rhc bothcr of srealing.Ohc sreal3aar!, moncy and lilver, Bool matchcr,airliic eycpatchcaand individualporsofTrurt Hourc Forrcapriiot lamarc mcrerytrcmanrlad, Fiimlcy (n.) ExaggcraEdcarefree3aunrcradop!.d by Norman Wirdom.a3.an immcdiatepr€ludcro droppingdown an op€n

Fring(n.) Thenoircmad.byaIighrbulb rhathasjust shone ir! la,r. Frithrn (n.) A paragraph thatyoutcr sluckon in a book.Themore youreadit,th.lcssir mcans royou. Frolcrworth (n.) Measure.Thc minimum timc it b ncccrlary ro lpcnd trowning in decp conccntrationat cach prcturcln en art Salleryin order thar cvcryon. ck. do.!nl think you.rca complelchoron, Fross.r (pl.n.) lh€ lcchcrous look exchanted bctweensixteen-ycarold! ar a pany givenby romcoric'sparcno,

37

GAR-CLA

FRU-GAR F utd (adj.) Rath.r too cag€rlo b. crucl to bc kind. Fuking (ptcpl.vb.) Pr€t.ndingnot to b€ in whcn thc carol'singerg round.

matkr. wharcould poisiblybc rhe matlcrl And anreay I oonl wanrtodilcu3r ir, wirhourmovingyourlipi.

Crrvock(n.) 'lhc.

acrion of.pr.rurngyour finger in your chccl and ntcklngrt out wtrh a.pock.noilc,

C.st rd (n.) Useful.ipccially newroincd wordfor anillegitimate chitd (in orderto disringuilh h frorns.imeone_who rnlrciy carvc3you up on rhc motorway,c!c.).

Ghent (adj.) D$criprive ofthe mood indicaredby cartoonisrs by drawrnt a cnaradcr s mouth asawavyline.

crfrn.y (n.) Somcon. who dclib€ratclymilunderstandsthin$ for, h€ hopca,humoroui cffcat.

Gd.rhiclr (pl.n) A form of parricularly long sPa'3. 3idebuinr which ar'

tumoutof BritithRailguards. partof thcrirandatory Gdlipolli (adj.)

Of thc behaviourofa bottomlip tryint to spitout mouth' $ash after an injc{tion at the denti3t Hencc, loo3c' floppy,u!€lc$. 'shc $cntall galliPoliin hi!arm!'-No€l Coward (n.) C.Etncrlgill Embaffastedgtemmcryou ernitwh€n a vorceans\{eKthc phon. and you rcalizcthat you haven'tth' faintelt recol' lcctionofwho it i3you'vcjurt run8.

Curow (n.) Narrowwigglyfurrowl€ft afi.r Pullinga hair off . paintcdrurfac.

G.rtrG.t (n.) Thc ability to say'No, thcre'sabtolutclynolhint thc 38

Cignog(n,) Sohcone who. lhrough thc injudiciour applicadonof 3tcohot,13now a greetdealle33funny lhan he ihink hc i!. Gilderlohc (adj.) Descripdveof ajoke romeonet.lls you which 3rarBwell, our whrchbc(omesso cmb€llishcdin rhe !.lling thar yolr sta to wearyofit afterscarcclyhalfan hour.

Gilgit(n.) Hidden lharply poinGd objccr which lrab3 you in rhe .urrctewhenyou reachintoa 3rhallpot. Gilling (n) fhc.w-armtingling you ter in vour fccr when havint a reaxygood widdle.

Gipping(prcpl.vb.) Ihe fish-like,op€ning and cloling of rhe jaws reen rmDDtstpeoplewho haverecentlybeento thedendst and arc puz2lcdas to whclher rheir tee|h havcbecn pur bacl rheri6htwa) up.

Glasgow(n,) I hc feelingofinfinite radnesscngcndered wh.n $alking

39

G L E- C L O

GLA_ GLE lhrouch a placcfillcd wirh happyPcoPlelifk€n ycar3 ",runcit th"n vourrclf. When exPcrienc.dtoo fre' o leadto anattackofrrunch(q ! )' quenly,it islikeLy

cldwhilly (n.) (Scot!) A smalllartenpouchworntrncathrhckiltduring the thistlc-harvcar.

Gl.!!€l (n.) pcbblewhichwasshinyand inter€stintwhen A sca3ide ret, and ;hich is no\a'alump of r()ck'whichchildren with aft'r th€ insiston fillingthcir suitcases neverthelcas holiday, Glazelcy(adj.) 'fhc ltateof e bar stcr! flat greasyhair aftcr*earint a wit all day. ClcErnuilt (n.) forgo(enabout Thc kindofruilt whichyoud comPlctely an oldlettcrin ' on dlcovering bacl whichcomcrioaring cupboard. Glcnducli. (n.) Any Scottbhactorwhowear!a cralat.

Glcnt g8|n (n.) A panicular !yp. of rartan hold'all. made exclulivcly under liccncefor Brililh Air$ayr. When waidnq to collectyour luS8ageliom an airF)rt convevorbelt, tou will noticc that on the ncxt conveyor bclt alonE ther€ i! alway! a lintl. 5olitary bag Soing round aid round uncollccred.Thi! i5 a 8lenta88art. which has bcen placed th€rc by thc baggatc'hendling staffto takeyour mind offth€ fact that your own lugga8c will lhortly bc landingin Murmansk Cl.rti.r (pl.n.) Scricaof lmall ltePs by which somconewho has madc a scrioustacticelerror in convarsalionor argumentmovas from compl€tedisagr.emcntto wholeh.artedagreemcnt.

40

CLENWTIIL!Y

Glinrl(n.) A hat which politiciansbuy roto ro Ru$ia in.

Clororum(n,) Onewhoraks pleasurc in informing orhcnabourlhcir oowalmovcmenis.

Glorcop(n.) A.oguc blob of food. ,Giosopr, which are generallylteamint ho! and highly adhesive. invariably fall off your rpoon and on to thi surlice of your hort's hiShly poliih;d anriquer6.wood {l

G R E- C R I dining tablc. lf lhb ha! not, or may not havc, hcn noliccd by th. companypresent,swanagc(q.v.)rnay bc employcd.

Glud (n.) Th€ pinldshmulch found in thc bottomof a lady'i handbat. Gluit LodF (n.) The placewhcrefoodcanbeltoredafler havinga t(x)ih for up .xtmcicd,SomeArabscanto wilhoutsultcnancc to 3ixwceksona full gluit lodgc. coddEilg (n) !ha!rheely(q.v,) Wondcrfulrushoficlicfon dilcoverinB (q.v.)wcr€ in factfalsealarms. andthcvrcmblay Gogiun (n,) Thc pic.c of €la3toplas! on a lhort-sitht€dchild\ sp€ctaclcs, cohnr (adj.) Pertainingto the Blank, rly and faintly embarraiscd. who ha! clearly cxprcrsionsccnon thc faccof somconc foigottcnyourDame, Gonnrbrrn (n.) watchinganold moviconTv. An aftcrnoonwastedon

Gr..t To..o! (n.) A fat bool conuining four wordr and lix cartooN which co.t!!12,95, Grat W.t rtng (ptcpl.vb.) Panicwhich3€rsin wh.n you badlynccd to go ro rhc lavatoryandcennotmakcup yourmindaboutwhatbook or magazinc lotalcwith you. GEGl.y (n.) Som.oncwho continuallyannoy! you by continually you. apologiring for annoying Grcu (vb.) (Rarc)To 3ti.hto th. pointduringafamilyargumcnt. Grchr Grccn (adj.) A rhed€of gi.cn whichmal.! you wishyou'dpaint.d whatcvar it wa!a diffcrcntcolour. GribuD (n.) Thc p.non in a cri3bwho canahrayEbc rclicd on to makc a goodanccdoleout of it,

Grinbirtcr (n,) [.arg€bodyof canon a motor$ayall travcllingatcxacdy thc lpccd limh b€cau3.onc of thcm i! a policccar.

Goolc (n.) Th. puddle on the bar into which the barmanputs your changc,

CriDbct (n.) A lmall bulh from which.enoon charactcEdancleovcr thc cdg! of a cliff

Goot€cruivc.(pl,n.)

C.iItrrby (h.) A lumpof lohc$int grildyandfoul.taliintconcc.lcdin a moulhful of ,!cw or Dic. Crim,bic! arc romatim6 incrcly thc r6ult of carclc!! cookcry, bu! morc often thcy arc plac(d th€rc dclibcratclyby Frccmaron!.Grimrbict c.n bc purchascd in bull from any r$pcctabl€Ma.onicbut hcr on dvint him thc laclet Malonic handbag.Onc ir lhcn placcdin .

(Archaic)A pair of wrxrdcntrousersworn by poultrykccp.ruin thc Middle4t.3. Ooolmrgh (n.) Somcthinglcft ovcr from preparingor catin8a m€al, whi.h tou 3torcin the fridtc dcaphethe fact tharyou knowfullr{cll thatyouwillnevcreverus€k.

45

GRI-GUS guescafood to icc if he knows thc correct Masoni( mcrhodof dealingwith it This is as follows:r€move the $imsby carefullywith thc ailver tonSeprovided. Crossthc r(pm to your h(xt, hopping on on( lc8, and ram the grimsbyfirmly up his "I noae,chaniint, akethat,you 3nlugMa3onicbaltard.'

G W E- H A M Gwcck(n.) Acoathanger recyclcd asacaracrial.

Grin.te.d (n.) Th€ state of a woman! clothint after she has bccn to powder her no3eand hashilch€d up her li8htsov€r her slirt at the back, thus €xposillg h€r botlom, a d has walkedout without nolicingil.

Hrdw€en ic (adj.) Rcabtant to tweezers,

Crobi.tcr (n.) thc Position One who continuallyand publicll rearranSes ofhis genitals.

Hadror (n,) A sharpinstrumenr placcdin the$,ashing-up bowlwhich hakesit calicrto cui yourrelf,

Gruid. (n.)

HeF.by (n.) Somcone who lookcda lor morcettractivcin $a dirco thanthcydo in yourb€dthcncxtmorning,

'fhe

only bitsof an animal lefl after elcn thc Pcoplewho rolls haveb€enat it make3ausage

Grutlcls (n,) The resolvewith which the Quc€n sitsthrough five days folk dancing of Polynesian Gubbl.cot (n.) Dcformationofthe palat! causedby brtin8into tm manl 'I'obleronca. Gucrnrey (adj.) Queasybut unbowed. l he kind of fcelingone getswhen discoveringa plasticcomparlnt€ntin a fridS€ in which (hingr are trowinS. usuallv fertjLrcd b\ .opious quantitiesof g$snargh (q.v.). Gulbcrwick (n,) 'fhe smallparticl€that you alwaysthink you ve got stu(k in rhe bac! ofyour rhroatrftcr yoLl'leb€€nsick. Gu$.g. (n.) lJrers-makingtall. 44

Hrlcro (n.) An adhcsivccloth designcdto faltcn baby-cloth€s tog€thcr.Thousands of tiny pic.caofjam 'hook'on to thoulandsof piccesof dribblc,cnablingthe cloth to bccome !ticky'. Hdifax (n.) 'fhc grccnsynthctic asiroturfon$hichgrecngro.cr!diplaythcirvegchbles, H.ll.piU (n.) 'Ih. namc for the adventuro$panygocrrwho don\ spcndrhewholetimcinthelitchcn. Hahblcdor (n.) 'Ihe soundof a ringlc-engincd aircrattflyingby, heard whilelyingin e iuftm.r fi.ld in England,whi.hsom€how (oncentratas thc 3il€nac andsenseof ipaceandlimeleisnessand lcav€sonc with thc lcelingof somcthingor 45

il d

f

HAN-HAS H.rhi. (adj.) incapablcof.v.rhavin8a pap€rtissu.. Congcnitally H.pp.r (n.) 'fhe

ahus€m.nt cauled by pa3'port photo3.

H.pph (vb.) 'Io

for lhem annoyp€oplcby linirhinglheir scnt.ncca what rcally mcant tosay. tellingthem thcy andthrn H.rbledown (vb.) To manoeuvrea double mattre3sdown a windinS staircas€, H.rbottl. (n,) A particularkindoffly whichliverinsidedoubleglazing,

HAT-HEA lomconewho uncxpcdcdlyaomcainio a rooE, prcci!€ly whatir i3youaredoing. H.lh.f!|gr (n.) The riny inipp€t! of bcard which coar the in.id. of . washbarin aftcrrhavingin it. Hrugfro (n,) Oncwholoudlyinform3orhcr dincrrin e rcrtauranrwher lind of man hc is by callingrhc chef by hi! Chrillirn narnefrom rhc lobby. Huby (n.) Anygardcningimplcm.ntfoundin a pordnt{h.d who!. axactpurP6cr! unclcar.

H.rlolh (vb.) To rcdiltributcthchot$atcrin a bath. (n.) H.fl|trg€r you The p€rsonwhotak€sthc blamcwhileth€ manaSer demandcd toreehid€sin hi! offrce. H.rperdc! (n.) conristingof about Th. codato a phoncconverlation, to 8€toff by whichp€opletry Sracefully cightcxchangca, th.line. H.lclbury Plucltrctt (n.) durinS A mcchanical deviccfor clcaningcombsinvented ihc indurtrialrelolutionat the samctimeat Ark$righft spinningJ€nny,bu! whichdidn\ catchon in the sane H.!!op (n.) The pocLctdown the ba.k of an armchairu3edfor andbit! ofLego. storingl0p piccca H..ting! (pl.n.) 'lhings saidon the spur of the momcntto explainto 46

HAXAV

Herntoa Puachrrdoa 1n.) A violcntargumantwhichbrcak!out in thc caron thc 47

HEN-HID

HIC- HOR

way homc from a Partyb€lwecna couplewho hav€had to bc polile to cachother ill comPanvall evening

protractcd and 6nal goodbyo to a group of peoplc and thcn realizerharyouvelcfi yourhat bchind.

H.ndridge (n.) A dricd yellow substanccfound bctwccn lhe Prongsof lbrk3 in rcstaurants,

H€pplc(vb,) To sculptth€ contcntsol asugarbowl. Hcrllnonccux (n ) Thc correctname lbr th€ Sold medellion$orn by someonc who is in the habit of $earing th€ir shirt oP€nlo the

Hth LiE.rigg (n.) Thc topmolrtr€adof a lraircalcwhichdfuappca$ whcn you'rcclimbingrhcsrainin darknc$. High Oficy (n.) (q.v.)rhrtcweeblarcr. Goosnargh Hob.ri! (n,) (Mcdical) A spcrmwhichcarriera highriskof bccoming a Dank l'lanagcr.

H.ssl€(vb,) To try and sort out which sle€leol a sleater h insidcout whenyou'realrcadyhalI:$.t:-rhrouShPtrttinSiton.

Hevcr(n,) Th€ paniccausedby half'hearinta Tannoyi'r an arrport. Hcwith (adj.) ln a mood to swiPcatlet.tation with a stick

H.xtrbl€ (n,) 'l

he record you 6nd in soheone else'scolleclionwhich instantlytellsyouyou could nevergo out with them

Hibbing(n.) The marks leli on the out3idc brelrt Pocket o' a storekecp€r's overall where he put a$ay his pen and mlsgeo,

Hickling (pt.pl,vb.) 'fhe practice of infuriating th€atr€-8ocft bl not onll arrivi;g late to a centre-rolf 3eat,but alsobudly aPolo_ gizinS to and patting each memb.r of rhe audienc€in

(urn, Hidcotc B.ritds (n.) To b€ cauShtin a hid(olebartrami! to saya serieiof 48

Hobb, Croa! (n.) Theawkwardlcapintmano€uvrca girl hastogorhrough ln DcdIn orclcrto matchlmslccpon thcwerpatch, Hoddlcrdor (n.) An 'injurcd'footballer'!lirnp backinb the gamcwhich drawsapplau3c butdoesntf<x)lanybody. Hodlct (n.) The woodcnlafcty platformlupponed by raffolding rounda burldrng und.r consrrucrion fromwhichrhcbuilders(atalrnostno pcrsonalrisk)candrop pi.cesof concrercon Pass€rs-by. Hoff(vb.) 'fo dcnyindignanrltsomcrhingwhich ispalpably rrue. Hoggcrton(n.) Thc actionof ovcrrhaking a pair of diccin a cup in thc lnirlakcnb€licfrhalthiswitliffect thc cventualourcome in yourfavourandnotirritateevcryone else, Hordlc (vb) 'l odiss€mblein a fruityrnanner,likc Donald Sind.n. 49

HOR-HUM Horton.cun-Studlcy (n ) moveof litllehclpfulgrunu,nodding Thecombinadon amiles,uP$ad frowns m€ntsof the head,consideratc thata SrouPofp€oPlcjoinin makinS and s.riouspaus€s !o €licit .h€ n.xt pronounccm.nt of som€body with a

r€rrible stutter. Ho.nrcr(vb,) (Ol a'IV newlrcader)To conii ue to stare impassively into the cam.ra when it should havealreadyswhchedto the sPortsrePort,

Hot g€n(n.) with t{hich a shoPassistantlells }ou The aggrerriveness an1 pil-ce of high technoloSvwhich they doni under' standthcnrselves,

Hovc(adj,) Desciiptiveof thc exPr€s3ionon lhe faceof a personin th. presenceof anolh.r who clearly fun1goinS !o sloP talking lbr a vcry lont time

Huby(n.) A half-erectionlarSe cnouSh to b€ a publicly embarrasringbulgc in the trouscrs,but not largc enoughto bc ofany uie to anybody.

HUM-IBS Huhby (n.) An .rfttion whicbwon'tgo downwhena grntlcmanhar to gororh.lavatoryin rhcmiddlcofdallyingwirha lady. llu|tr (n.) Th. r.!uh ofcoming!o lhc $,rongd.cilion. Hu!.ingorc (n.) Medicval cercmonial bra$hornwithwhichthesuac$lful cx.curionofan araglin(q.v.)i! trumpctedfrom rhccaitlc Dattlcmcnr!.

Hutlcriurn (n.) (Archaic) A burn3ullaincdar a rcruhoftbc b€haviourof a clumryhutler.(Thc prccir.dutie!of nuu€r!arc no$ lo3tin thcmbr!of hbtorv.) Hutloft (n.) Thc fib-rous algacwhichgrowin thc darl, moilrenvironmcntol troucr turn-uP!, Hyairb (adj.) Dcrcriprivcof rhc r!ar. of mind in whichyou mitht a! wcll givc up-doing wharcvcrh i3 you'reirying io do bccaurc you'llonlymucl it up.

Huclnrll (vb.) To crouch upwardgra3 in lhe movamentof a seated person'sfcet and legsmadeio allo$'a cleaner'slloover to passb€ncalhthem.

Huggl..cot (n.) The kind ol person}fho cxcitcdly opensa lcttcr which says'Youmay alr.ady hav€won !10,000'on theoutsidc.

Hull (adj,) ofthe smcllofa we€k.ndcottage Descriptivc Hurnbcr (vb.) To movelike rhecheek of a lery lat personastherrcar goesovera cattlegrid.

Iblc (adj.) Clcvcrbut laz),. Iblro.t (n.) Anyrhintuscdto malc a noila on a corrugatcdiron wall or clinkcr.builtlcnc. by dragting it along rh€ rurfacc

ISL-JAR

IMB.IPS whilc wallinq Par!it 'Mr Benniti thoughtfullv ..lc(tcd a rtout ihtock and teft the housc -Jani,tu.r.n' Pnt a Pt ludv.'ll I[rber (vb.) To lcan fiom sid. to tidc whil€watchinga carchasein the

Inigori!h (adj,) Dcscriptivcof rhe cxpressionon a dinner Party tucat which'is mcan! to indicatehLrgeenjoymentto the hostt and lim€ to go homc I think'to your paflner.An inr8on' ish is usuallyihe prcludeto a heantonpunchardon(q v ) Inverinrtc (vb.) I o spotthat bolh Pcoplein a heatedargumentare talking completerubbish IPPLEPIN

Inv.rkcithing (p!cPl.vb.) Addr€ssinglom.one by nrumblc t'€causcvou can onlv firstleltcrof (heiroame rcmenrbcrthe

Islert.p!(pl,n.) Cautiouimorcmcntsloward3thc bathr$m in a strang€ hou3cin thedark.

lping (ptcpl,vb.)

The in(rcasin8ll,a xbus shilting fron leg lo leg yttu gtr throulh wherif'ou nre dcsperalctr) 8o t()the llvatory and the p;rson you arc lalking to kccpr on rememberi S a tew6nalthingshe want!to mentroD

Ipplepcn(n,)

sir hiros n)adeby SellotaPiog writinginrPlenrent A useless to wrhe l(X) h eesief to make ()gether$hi.h is suPPosed

J.lingo(n,)

J

fhe alacrirvwirh which a grimbirter rq.v.)breaki up a3 \oon ar the policecarrurn!off. IpsrYich(n.) The soundat the orherend of rhc telcphoncwhichtells vou that the autonrati(exchalr8eir workinlt\erl hard hut is inrendingnot actuallyto connfl:t lou this timc, merely to let vou know how dilticull rl is.

Jrrrow(n,) An asriculturald.vic. which,whcn towedbchind a !ractor. enablc! rhc farm.r ro lprcad hi! dung cv.nly acro3r tlrc width ofrhc road.

JAw-JUw

KAB-KAL

J.wcr.ig (n.)

(Mcdical)A massivcfacialsPasm$hich is brought on by bcingtold a teallya3toundingPicceofnews A-mysteriousanackofjawcraig affe.ted 40'000rhecP in Walcsin 1952

J.wf(n.)

./

Convcrsationbctreen two f@tball h(x)liganson a tralD.

l'

Jcffcr. (pl.n.)

Pcrsonswho honeltly b€licvc th.t a busincaslunch i3 going to achi.ve3om.thin8.

Jid(n.)

The pieceof papcron toP of thejam intide lhejarnJar'

Jofuc (adj.)

ln breachof the lawsofiokc tclling, c s tivilrg awaythe punchlincin advance

Jolicn€(n.)

(Old Frcnch) Polite word for a well'proportioncddog' turd, JURBY

(n,) Joplin 'I

he material from which all thc clothesin wmlworths arc madc,

Jubor.. (pl.n)

Awful ihingsbought in Nairobi which neverlook Soodat homc,

Jurby(n.)

A loolc woollengarmcnl reachint to the knecsand with three or morc armholca,kni(tcd by the rearcrs wcll' mcanint but incomP€lentaunt

Ju*ria (adj.)

Only slightlyrclcvantto thc mattcr in hand.

54

lbbwurn(n.) Thecur€sy hummintnoiseyoumaleasyougo ro kiss rcmeoneon thechcak.

Kil.rni (n.) The anri.nr Easternart of bcingablcro fold roadmaps pfop€fly.

KIB-KIR

KAN.KET I{|nlurl (n,) An cxtrcm€ly intricatelmot ori8inally u3cdfor bclaying the topSallantfor.3hcet!of a 8aff'riggcd China cliPPcr' and niw morc commonlyobscrvcdwhcn tt''ing to fict an old kita ourofthc cuPboardundcr thas(airr' K..lc (n.) Thc hor blc smcllcaur.d by walhingarhtrayr' Kelli!g (ptcpl.vb.) Thc aclionof looking for lom€thing all ov.r Ngainin all thc placcayou'le alrcadYlookcd.

XETTY

Kenilworth(n.) A mearurc.Defincda3that Proporlion of a menu rhich thc $,aitcrsp€alsthat youcana.tuallyremcmlxr'

Kcnt (adj,) Polh€lydctermin.d no! to help despitca violenturge to the contrar), Kent exprcssionsare sccnon thc facesof p.opl. who arc tood al somcthingwatchinSsomcone elsa who cant do it at all.

Kcntucty(adj,) andrarisfiingly. Fiuinrexactly

Thi cardboardbox that slidesncatlyinro a smallrpace in a Frage. or the la3tboot which Pr.citeL fills a bookshelf,issaidto fit rcalnic€andkentu(ky

Kcry (n.) on a eachsausate The smalltwistofstin whichscParatei srring. Kcttcring (n.) The marl.slcft on yourbottomor thigh!aftersunbathinS on e wicL.rworL.heir. Kctil.n.t! (adj.) waiched to peewhilebeinfi Thcqualityof notbeirtgablc

Kibblcrwonh(n,) Thc foodingamountof moncyby whichrhcpriccof e $vcn aniclc in a lhop ir lcssthan a scnriblcnumbcr, in th€ hope rhar ar lca!! onc idior will lhint i! cheap,For t11a119,thc Libblclworrhon a pair of shoespriled ar 119.99i! I p.

Kilv.xt r (n.) A [rcn k€prin th. dclk tidy that n€vcrworl3.

Kirnlrcridp (n,) Thc lighrbrcezc whichblowsthroughyourarmpirhair whenyou arc rtrctchcdout!unbathing,

Kinglton B.gpuilc (n.) A fony.ycar-old 3ixte€n-stoneman trying to commit iuicidc byjogging.

Kirby(n.) Smallburr.pubivcpi€ccof foodpromincndy arrach€d to a pcrson'sfaceorclothing.

Ki$y Milp.rron (n.) Onc who kindly aucmpr! to wip€ a kirby (q.v.) off

57

Kl'r - LAC anothcr'3faccwith a nrPkin, and thcn discovcrsit to be a wart or oth€r Parmenantfixtur€, i! raid to havccommittcd a'kiiby milpcnon'.

Kituurvy (n.)

A man who own3all lhc latcrt rportingged$try and clothing(golf troll.y, lcc cdica,v€ntilat.dsho.s,scvvy Belle.taros.utographedlrackruittoP, Amencann.vy but i! ltill onlyon hi! sccondgolf cap,rnirroriungla$ca)

Kittybrctd.tcr (n ) offcrsto mak€thelea Thc girl whoalways Xloltcrr (pl.n,) 'l'hc little blobsof dricd urine on thc rim of th. bo\a'l undcrthescat, Ihrptoft (n.) I'hc mysteriou!fluff placcdin your prxketsby drycleaninS6rms Kowloon (n ) One $ho 8oe9to an Indian teslaurantand ordon an omelctle. Kurdiit$ (n.) Hards(arcgiv.nby a h$bandto hiswift whcnhc noliccs a sharpincicascin thc numbcrof timcahe Nnsserithe phoneto bctold,'Sorry,wront numb€r"

LAM-LIB Ir

rrcnc (adj,) Fc.lintbclr.r for havintputpyjama!on.

L.tnbh (n,) Thc tbld€ron horcldrccaint-rabtG ful ofaltoundindydull LrrlFa.r(n,) Thc fifth mcmtrr ofa foursome. L.npung (n.) Tll. dazcrhichfollow!rurnint on rhcli8htin rhcmiddlc ortncnr8hl, L.rtoe.rd (n.) MororilB'namcfor lhe tind of p€d$rrianwho lbnds DCi6ca matnroadandwavcron thetraf6c,a! if i'! rhcir ritht ofway. Lrrobigdng (prcpl.vb.) Struggling to cxtrudcancxrrcmeltlarte rud. L Touqu.a(n.) A mcre _norhing, en uncoNidcrcdrriflc, a n€glidblc amount.Un rouqucrir ofrendcfincda.rthc dificrincc bcrw.cnlhccolrofa botdcofgin boughrin anoff-liccncc rnopandonctoughtinaduty-frc.rhop. Lcrrcr (pl.n,) Irribring painsrhaiyourdociorrclLyounot !o b€sowcr about.

lecmtag(prcpl.vb.) Th. bu3inc!!ofmaling lilly f.ccsar babi.!.

krnvig (n.) A pcrlonwhocanbc r€licduponto bc doingwoncrh.n

Lrckrwrnna(n.) Th. inabililyofa Ne$ Yorkcabdrivcr to knowwhcrc,for inltance,CentralParki!.

Ubcngc(n.) cryltallizedd.po!i!. of oldcouthmixlurc.

LIB_LOB LiH.

(adj.)

L O C_ L O W Lochr.nr. (n.)

Beingundecid.dabout$,heth.ror not youfccl sexuall' t()3()mcone, altracted Liff(n.) for whichno word yet A commonobjcctor experience Limrllol (n.) The correctnemefor oneof lhoselilll. Paperumbrellas in with toomuchPi eapplejuicc whichcomein co(ktails them, Lindilf.rn. (adj.) sm€llof NnemPttbiscuittin ol iheplcNsant Des€riptive Lingle (vb.) To rouchba(eryt€rminahtrith one! tongue

Ihe lont una(compani€d\{ait in rhe middteof a Scorrish lolk long wherc thc pipcrs nip round the corncr for a .oupleofdrinks. t ll.nd (n.) A persr)nwith a low thresholdofboredom.

lrngniddry (n.) A dropler whichpersisrs in runningout ofyourn(xe. Lsiiernouth (n.) On€ of rhos€ middt.-aged ladie! hirh Jurr d hinr of a . nrxunanl nan(lcbar mou!tachc.

Lostwithi.l (n.) 'l'he dccp and peacefulslecpyou hnally lall inro rwo minutesb€rbrethealarmgo€soff,

Linicl.tc (adj.) All stiff andachcyifi the mornin8and lrlint to r€nrem' berwhy.

louth (n.) I he sorr ol man who wcarctoud .hc.k jackcrs,hasa personalized rankardbehindrhc bar and alwalsters served bcforeyoudo.

Liraow€l( .) !o bemoteahorb€nt Th. smallmaton thebardcaiSned yourelbow3. as but not as ahorb€nt ihanthebar,

LowArdwello (n.) seducrive remarl madehopefullyin thebackola raxi.

Littl. Ur3roick(n.) The mamberof anl alasswho nost inclinesthe teacher shouldbeintro' towardstheviewlhaicapitalpunhhment ducedin schools.

LowEggborough(n.) A quietlitrleunr.garded m.n in gla.!e3 whorsbuitdins a Dcskindofaronrictr)mbin hi3gard€nshcd. f,ower peovcr (n ) (lommon solution to rheproblcm ofa humby(q.v.),

Ll.nelli (adj.) Dcacriptiveof (he waSSlinglln,vement ol a Pcrlonl hands$hcn rhakingwaaerfrom them or rarnring up for a pie.e of workshoPtheatr.

Lob.ri. (n.) Unshalcableb€licfthet your.ar! strckout.

60

Lorve.toft(n.) Ihocorrecr nemelbr'navelflulf. Lo*thcr (vb,) {{)i a largegrorrpof pcoplewhohavebeento tneonema loiiether.)-Ioltandaimlcslyabouron the pavemenr ano 6l

LUP-LYD

LUB-LUL artue about whethcr to go and .at .ither a Chinsc meal ne,rby or an Indian m€alat a rcstaurant$hich lolhcdy say3i! vcry Soodbut isnl ccrrain shcte h i3. orj8t 8o home,or havea Chin$€ mealncarby- until by thc time aEre€mentis reach€d€v€rythingis shut

Lubcroy(n,) .

Thc telhale littlc lump in thc top of your swimming trunks rrhich tctlsyou you arc going to hav. to sp€ndhalf an hour with a safetypin trying to pull the drarrlrin8out agarn.

Luppi.r(n.) The picccof learhcr$hich han$ off lhc bottomofyour ir|oc Dctorc you cln bc bother€d aogrt h mandcd.

LuFidt€ (n.) A bubblc bchinda picc.ofwallpapcr. Lutby (n,) Th.,foldof n.!h pulhingforwardovcrrhcropof e bra which il roo rmall for thc ladyinridcit,

Lublir (n,) Th.t bir of corncbodys body whrh th.ir pariner Par' ticularlyIike!.

Ludlow(n,) foldcduble.naplinor IumPof A wadof nrwspap€r,

cardboardput under a wobblylable or chair to male it standuD etraight. It is icrhapi not wrdclyknown that air'acesir Douglal Bader uscd !o get abouton an cnormoui Pair of ludlowi b€for. he had hisartificialle$ fitted.

Luff.nh.E (n.) F€€lingyou get eh.n the Puh aren\ Soingto bc oPcnfor aoothc; forty.filc rninutesand thc luffnfis iq v ) L bednning to w€ara bit thin. Luffn.r! (n.) Heart) feeling thal comesfrom $elking on th. moor! whh gumbootsandcold ears Lulworth (n.) Mea3ureof convcr3ation A Iulworth dc6ncsthc amountof lhe leng(h,Ioudnest ofa statementyou rnakerfhen ev€rf and embarrassment one elsein the room unaccountablystopstalkinSal tha samemofienl,

IUSIY

Luton(n.) The horscshoc{hapad rug whichgo€srounda lavatory laat,

LuttoDC'orrr!(n.) Thc oppolire of grccn fing€r! - thc cffortlcr! propcnsity to ceuscplantdcalh,

Lyb.t r(n.) The anificialchucklcin thc voic..ov.rat rhcendof a ruppolcdly fuhny!.lcvision comm.rcial. Lydd(n.) A.lid.A lydddiffcrrfroma lid in tharit ha!nothinS robc a lid of. is arleart.ighlccnrnonrhc old,andisroldinyl oldcAnriquc Shoppc!, 63

I.YD_MAN Lydi.rd Tr.gor. (n.) Thc opposireof a mavi3cnderby (q.v.).An unr.quitcd earlt loveofyour life who inexplicablystillcaulcst€rrible pangseren thoughrhe marricd a telephoneengine€r.

MAP-MAR momcnbry sulpicion that lomcrhing may havc mroc lls homc wifiih.

Lyminlt.r (n.) A hom(xexualvicar.

Lynwilg(rr,) onc of thosethingsthat pulls the elecrriccord ba(k into a vacuuncl€aner.

MALIAU

Mrpl.durh.m (n.)

Muruig (n.) The inexpressiblehorror €xpericncedon waking up in the morninS and rcmcml*rnrg thai you .r. Andy

M.croy (n.) An authoritative,confident opinion basedon one you reaclIn a newsPaPer, Maleybeley (adj.) All excitcdat sudder)lyrem€mb€rin8a wonderfirlpiecc oftossipthat you wantto passon to somebody,

Malibu(n.) 'l

thcheiSh! h€heiShtby whichth( topofa wav.excceds to vrhich1ouharerolledup vourtroLrsers.

M.nitobN (n.) ritual. I he t€ntatileand r€lucrant rouch. A re-courrship to€sin bedaftera row. inI of spousca' M.nkirholc! (pl,n,) Th. 3lnallholesin a loafof breadwhichgivcrirc to the 64

A iidcou! picceofchipboard veneerturniture bouShrin a !uburhan furnirure rtorc and delitn;d to .high{rreer -colour notd, exacu) a year's rupply of Sunday suPPrcrhen16.

M.ry.rcttirg Tyc (n.) 'fhe

lncxpccredly intimate bon
Marl.t D..ping (ptcpl.vb.) Stcalingasinglepi..e ol fruit from a stre.r elall. M.rlow (n.)

'[he

borromdrawerin the kirchen where your mother keepsher paperbags.

MAR-MEL

Mryr.vy (n,) A pcnon to $hom. under dirc injuncdon!ofsilcncc,you relia sccretwhichyou wbh !o bc fat morc vJidclyknown.

M.!b.rry (n.) trccfromwhi.hallcantccn Thc rapof a tiantNi8€rian Jamrere maqc, M.!..churctt! (pl,n,) Tholc itcnrs and particler which pcoplc who havc jull blown rhcir norcsarc carchinS for wh.n lhey lool into !hcir hanlie.,

Mrv..yn Ridw.rt (n.) The ltuffb.longin8 to a mavi! cnderby(q v ) whichle€p3 turninguP in odd cornc ofyourhousc

Mrvir End.rby(n.) Thc almost.complctcly-fortottcn Sirlfricndftom your

diltant palt for whomyour $ifc ha! a comPlct.lyirr' jcalousyandhatrcd adonal Mrynooth (n.) Oncwhorccklc$lytelktotalrtrantct.to chc€ruP,it may ncvarhaPFn. M..dlc (vb.) To blundararounda woman'sbrcas6in a waywhich nothingfor her. doesabrolutcly M..th (adj.) Warmandv.ry llithtly clammY, Dc!.riptivcof the t.xturc of your handsafteryou'vc hand' automatic tricd to dry thcmon a hot-air-blowint drlingmachin.. Mclbury Bubb (n.) A Tv cclcbrity$ho risca!o famc by bcinS.xlremcly emP. M.lcoEbc lcgi. (n,) Thc rumc of thc ltylc of d€corationus€din cocltail in mal-Tudor hot€hin Sur.cy loungcs

MEL-MOF MclaoD Co..trbl. (n.) A patcnrantiwrinllc crcamwhichpottc.mcnwearto re€prhemlctve! l()okintyoung, M.nphi. (n.) Tbc Urrlcbit! of ycuo$fluff which 8cr rrapp€din rhe nrnte or rne wrnctrcre€n wip.E afr.r polirhint the car witha ncwdusrer. Memu! (n.) The lhrlc rrickpcopleule !o rlmind thcrhselvc! whichi! lcit andwhichh righr. Meu!€ (n.) A periodof complere $lcnccon rh. radio,whichm.an! rharir mult berunedro RadioS. Millino.tct (n.) Therhingrhatrattl.! aroundinlid€anaerolotcan. Milw.ulc. (n.) The mclodiou!whbthng,chantintandhummingtoncof thr mrjwNukec canbcheardwhencver a publicla-vatory is entcred.It i3(hewayth. crcupanrr ofrhi cubicles haveof tellrngyou th.rc! no lockon rhcir door and /ou canl comein, Mimbridgc (n.) 'Ihar which two rery boring peoplehavein common wnrch enab/cr you ro geraway from rhem.

Mirchinhmpton (n.) 'fhe €xpr€3sion on a man'slac€whenheharjustzipF,cd hrsrrouler! upwithout duecareand artenrion-

Misoot(n.) A mixturc of toothpasrcand salivain a wash-besin.

Moff.r(n.) 'lhar

part of a coat which i3 dcsigncdto bc lar on by $c Personn€xt to you on the bus.

67

MOG-MUM Mogulbcr (n,) lhcyw.r. clcvercrt€n OnewhogocrroundcomPlaining yaar!a8o. Mointy (n.) chccrsuP. Thc lartlitdctcatbcforeromcbody Moi.ic (adj.) Theconditionof onet faccaft r p€rformintcunnilingu!.

MUN-NAN Muadcrt.ld (n.) A maadow lelcc_rcd, whikrdrivingpa3r, a! bcintidcalfor a_prcnrc whrch,trom a jtdng porilion,turn! our to bc full ot.rtubble, dulr and cowpaBand almolt imposriblero .nloy youncl! rn.

Mulrter (n.) A Frson who continually brin$ up the subj€.tof Propcny Pnccr.

Mol..by (n.) The kindof familythatdtivd lo thclcalidcandthen3it! in thc .er withall thc window!clolcd,rcadingthc Srn&, Erprr$ and wcaringlidcuF (q.v ) Monb Toft (n.) Thc bundlcof hair whichis lcft aftera monkha! b€cn whichhc lccp3lied uPwitha rubtrerbandand tonsured, for chaling anBawaY u3cr MonngtG (adj.) 'won\ work' Faindy nervouctha! a particular Po3tbox wh.n poltint animporlantlcttcr. Motrpur (n,) Th€ fourth wh€clof a luparmarl.t trolleywhichlookr idcniicalto thc oth.r threcbu! rcndcr! thc trollcycom' plctclyuncontrollablc.

Nl|! (n.) 'fhe win.making rcgion of Albania where moir of rhe aalleagh(q.v.)come3from. Nacton (n.) The n wirh whkh cheapadvcrrisingcopywrit.r! replac. th€.wordand (asin 'fi3h n'chips.,.mix n'march ,.asrauh n bartcrt ), in rhc mhtalen bclief rhar it i5 in somcway chummyor endca ng.

Nrd(n.)

Mugrrry (n.) littla (Mcdical) from whichth. unPleasant The 3ubltance p€ruon'! ara cyc! in thc corncB ofa ll€epy ycllowglobules maoc.

Measured.fined as rh. dilran.e b.tween a crriver,sourstrcrchedfing€nipi and lhc ticler machrnern an auromarrccar-parX. I nad- I8.4crh.

Mult& (n,) An infidclwhostain!hisfacewithwalnutiuic€in ordcrto in a sitcom cntcrMc(caor aPPCar

Nambcr (vb.) To hang around rh. rablebcing too shy ro nr nexr to rhe peBon you rea y wanrto.

MurnEclluE (n.) whichclin$ to th€fingersof rubstan.€ An unwholesomc tomb"robb€15. succcalful

Nanhoron (n.) A tiny valveconcealcdin thc inncr car whi.h enablfl a deaf grandmorherro conv.rscquite norm.lly whcn rh.

68

NAN-NAZ fcclr likc it, bul which .xcludc! .omplctelyanyrhin8 whichlound! likc . r€qucarto hclP$irh layin8$a r.blc N.!6rcld

(n.)

Thc lccrct po.l(ct which.at! your train ticket.

NIE-NO'I' NccaSollerr(pl.n.) Anyrftcmbla offlpccially unflattcringand Fculiar garm.nr! wom by_lomconc$hich tells you rhar !h.y;rc riShrar rhe forefronrof fashion.

NcEpn.tt Thrubwcll(n,) 'fhe

Nrtrttrich (n.) A lat.-nilht !na.k, invcntedby th. Earl of Nantwich, which coiri.ru of lhc damp.lt thing in thc fridSc Th. Earl, who liv.d in a flat in clapham,inv.ntcd tha nantPichto avoidhavingto to thoPPing. Nrplcr (pl.n.) Thc tinydcPr.$iontin a Pic(cofRyvita.

feeling expcricnc.d $,hcn drivint off for rhc very hrrt ||me ona brand ne$ motorbiLe,

Nindiguuy(n.) Onc wlo (onllanrly ne€ds to tr rc-pcrruadcd of somemtngtncy va alreadyagrccdro.

Nipirhirh (adj.) Dcscriptivc ofa person walking barcfoot ontrav.l. Nirh (n.) Thc dark picceofvclvet which hasbccn brwhcd against th. nap,

No.t Ho.t (n,) A drivcrwhoindicarc! lcf! andturnsright. NogdrE End (n.) Thar pa of a pair of s.hsorsus.d to tung in a picrure hook. Nolooir (n.) Oncwio drdles likeancrhnicminoriryro $hichthcydo NAFLES

N.ugrtucl (r,) A pleltic lachd containingrhampoo.polyfille'ctc , which i.riinpo*iblc to opcncxcaprby biling off !h. corncF. N.rctrg (ptcpl.vb.) Th. rtthar unconvincinSnoilc! of Prctcnd.d inlcrt whkh an adull ha! to maLGh,hcnbroutht a !m.ll dull objcd for .dmirarion by a child

70

Nonrc(sfx,) latin sumxm.aningiqucltionexpecrinE rheans$cr.Oh rcallylHowinrcr$ling.' Nouob (n.) Any word that lools a! if it's probablyanothcrword ha.kwards but turn. outnorrobe.

Nothg. (n.) Thc collecriv.namc for rhints rhich you find a ule for 7l

i

I

NUB-NYB immcdiatclyaftcr youhav€lhrown thcmawry. For inltancc,your gracnhoutcha! bccnclutrcrcduP for ycarrwith a hugepiicc.of cardboardand trcat frond! of aardcninrrtrinr. Yoll .t lalt dccideto cl.ar all thi! st"ifout, a"-dvoubum ir' wirhin tw€nty-fou'hour!you will urScntlyn.cd !o wraPa lartt P.rccl,and rudd.nly rcmcm-bcrthat luclily in your St cnho$G thcr€ i! somc cardb. . . Nubbock(n.) Thc Lindof pcnon whoha! to lcavcb€forca Parlycan rclaxand cnjot itscu: (adj.) NulcrrFt Ablc to to on a two-w€€Lholiday with hardly any luggag., Nuadlc (vb.) To movca Diano. Nupcad (n.) Thc rmountof smallahangcfoundin thcIiningofan old jackctwhiahjult evcayourbacon. N[tbout!. (n.) In a choicchtwccn lwo or moraP$!ibl. Puddingr,thc for. onenoMY PlumP6 Ny.rlirg (prcpl vb.) Of marricdcoupl6, u3inga tcrm of cndcafincntas a tcrmof ccnluicor rcProach Nyb.tlr (n.) The ronofDcnonwhotaketthclift totrar.l oncfloor'

Ociur(n.) Th€ cut. Iirtlccircl. or hcartov.r an .i. usedby teenage girlswhenwriringrh.irnanes, OcHc (n,) An el.ctricalswjrchwhich app€aruro b€ off in borh F)3rrrons, Offlcyhoo(adj,) Ridiculously over-enrhusie3tic aboutgoingto Cornwall. Offord Dercy (n.) A-gatecrash€rlou canlgerrid ofbccausc hei b€come rhe irreandsoutot thePany, Old C.!.op (n.) Ptcceofcaringreaslurance whichij l paru€skno$i3com. pret.lyunrrue. Asin ,aloadof. . .' Ompton(n.) Oheshohas.bern cor ple(elykircd ourar Burberr)i bur rr srill.nevcrrheless. clearlyfrom Idaho. Osbarton(n.) A poinr rnadefor rhe seventhrime ro somc&)dywho in3isBtharrheyknowcxacrlywhatyou meanbur ilearlv hrrni gotrhefainrest id€a. Oshkorh(n.) 'lhe noiremadebr someonc who hasjurr Deengrossly tlaRered andh tryingrc makclighrol ir. Ospringe(n.) 'Ihat parrofa rhree-colour birowhichrcndersir instanrly

OUN-PAP

Osctt (n.) co.Y. A frilly rParcaoilct'roll

Orudlc (vb.) To walk ding.lcaning ridcwayr,with onc arrn hanging limp anddraggint on. lcg bchindr.hcorhcr. _Mo!rcoDmonlyulcd by acroEin amatcurprcductions of Rnhd III, or by lttr]plc czrrying e hcaw|cuitcarcin (n,) O/lirrdoub Onc whocanli3! andchcwglrmar rhc!:rmcrim.. O,srI (n.) Oncwhooffcn to hclp efter dl lhc worl ha! bccndon.,

ossElT

o..ini!!

(ptcpl.vb)

Trying to t.c pa!! thc PcFon.htittg in front of youat th' c.rncma.

Ourldtwirdc (n.) (OId Non ) Smallbrdr wind inlllum.n! ur'd for tum' moning vikinp to lunch lfhcn th.y'rc off on thcir lonFhipr,pl.yin8. O.e6ty (n.) Thc inebilily !o 6nd a comfonabl. Polidonro lic in b.d.

Oulit rtt (n.)

Sornaoncyou don'! want to invila to a Pany but whom youknou you h.vc to .! a matlcr of dutt 11

P.tb.y (n,) (Fcncingianh.) Tha play, or manoauvrc,wncr onc 3wordlmanl€.pr on ro rhc tubl. and pull! thc betdcrx. off the wdl. Put y-Wrcco (adj.) 'fhc find 3a!c of mind of a rctircd colonclb.forc thcy com€to tala him away, Putpcrttog (n.) An actorwholconly telantiato rlay fat. Pepcadc (n.) Somethintdrawnor modclledby a rmeltchild whichyou arc auppolcd!o knowwh.t ir i!, Erpigocbic(n) A middl.-e8€dment overlonghrircu!, inr.nded ro malrc hitnl6k youngcr, 75

P A P- P E L P.ppl. (vb.) To do whatbabiesdo to louP wilh th€ir rpoons.

PEN - Pf,R aSainsta lrrick wall whh a stout wooden bat until the prison€rconfcsses.

P€ntr..t f.rn.y.f.dw (n.)

PapworthEvcrerd(n.) Tc.hnicalterm for the fifth tak. of an orga3ms.€ne 6lm duringthcmakinSofa PornograPhic P.r.dip (n.) Politcword for thc actof warhingone'rgcnitalsin the wash-balin. Prrtold (adi.) pool Ncarlybrav€cnoughto div. into a .old swirnming on a windyday.

Welsheord whi.h literslly rranslarca s ,leaking,bi(>by, !he-glass-hoic-of-thc-clerl-of-th.-banl-has.o€en-rarcn. to-another-placcleaving-onl/-thc-sp€cial-inkwcll-andrhree.inchca.of-tin
Pcuge(n.) I he expandingslonedarm on rNhicha cuckoocoh€sour ol a cuckooclck.

P.rrog (n,) Godlnows.Couldberomclonofbird, I suPPosc. P.ah.trui. (adj.) Thc conditionof a parilhchurchaft.r a heavySaturday efiernoonlwedlock. P.rLri BUD (n.) Myslcriowillnesi amictingr€centlydcposedheadsof thcyar.nl wellenoughtostandlrial itatewhichmeans Prlrcy (n,) somcthingyour nextdoor neighboutmak.3and insist! thatyoutry on yoursausagcs. Pccblcs(pl.n.) (q.v.) of skegn.3s Small,carefullyroll.d P€llcts P.ening Qu.d.r (n ) That arce of a disaothcqucwh.rc single men lounga about tryinS to look Sroovyaboutnot havinglhe couragc to aik a f,irl !o dancc.

PENC!

Pcorie (n.) 'l h. fcarof p..ling roofawpotatoca. Percyherncr(n.) (fnglirh public.schoolslend A prcfccrwho!. dury it i! ro surprila naw boyr 5t rhc urinrl and humiliatc !h.m in a rnanncrof hir chooring.

Pcrnnzbuloc (n.)

P.lutho(n.) A SouthAmericanball Samc The balb arc $hack.d 76

Oneof thoscrpray rhingrulcd to wcrironing with.

PIN - PLY

PER_PIN Peru(n,)

PinFring (n.)

Thc expression of innccnt alarmsccnon the faccof in th€middl. ofe pcrural. somcone surprised Suiltily P.a.rcultd (n.) youdon'!wantto b. fricnd3withwhoringsyou Som€one up at eight-monthlyinlcrvah and sugg!!t! you tct togather3oon,

Pitlocht/ (n.) The backgroundgurtlint noi* h.rrd in fa!! food rca hurantr caur€dby pcoplct#ng to gct rhc la!! bubblcs out of thcir milkhal$ by slurpingloudlyrhroughthcir

P€vctr!€y(n.) (Archaic)'fhe riSht to collcctshinglcfrorn thc ling'r forcrhore, PLill.cI (n.) pouchforca yintcondom3in. A Cuccib€h Piblbury (n.) Thc littlaholcin thccndofa toothbrurh. Pictlcurh (n.) on thcmorningaftcra Thc detriturfoundin wincgla.rrcs Party, Piddlctrenthidc (n.) A rroulcr $ain caused by a wimbledon(q.v.).Not to bc confurcdwitha botley(q.v.). Pidncy (n.) Tha amountof coffeein ih. bottomof thc jar which docsnlamountto a spoonful, PiInlico (n.) pie(eof plaslicor curiousmetalcomSmallodd-shap€d in found the bottomof a kitchcnrummagcF)ncnt or lookinglbrSellotapc. drawcrwhcnspring-clcanint PiftFrn. (n.) Onc of rhoserubbernodulesfoundon thc undchcath 3idcofa lavatory scat. Pingrndy (n.) ncatold person. An extremely 78

That pan of an oventhat notrodywantsor knowt how!o rurn off.

Pitroddi. (n,) A middle-or uppcrdas p€rronwhoaffccc a $orkintcla:rrtylcof rpccch. Pibligo (n.) Panoftraditionalrratint ritc. Duringthc fit3t hot dayof lpring, rll rhe menin rh. tubc .tart givint up th.ir i€ats !o ladicaand strap han8in8,'fh. purpo!€of pitsliSoi3 ro allow thcm ro dcmonstratetheir manhoodbydilplayingthc wctparches undcrthcirarms. Pleley (adj,) Desariptive ofa drunkpcron'sattempts rotrecndearing. Plenmellcr(n.) 'fh. non-wat.rprmfmat.rialtrom whichraincoarare maalc. Plcvcn(n.) Onemor€.orob.lcas,thanth. numb.rr€quir.d.

Pluragrnhr(pl.n) 'I

hc corrugatio on th€ anllci caui€dby w€aringtighr

Pluvigncr(n) 'l heminurculcholcin thelideofa biro. Plymouth(vb.) To rclatcan amwing!tor, to 3o|n.oncwilhou!remcmb€ringrharitwa!rhcywhoroldir to youin rh. firlt plac.. 79

P L Y- P O L Plynpto! (n.) TheknobonloPof awarmcmorial. Pocli4 (n) Thc poindc!! BpPing of a ciSarcttcbcfore $ning olt wilh th!bulinca! oflmoking iL

Podcbndy (n.) Thc man in dirty overallc hired to wandcr whiltling round lhc coffidorr ofa largccorPoraiionto mal. it lool a! if thc managcm.nt'!tctting somcthingdon.

Pofrddcr(n.) A lnalcthat canl b. bolher.d lo bilc you

Pof8.y End (n.) Th€grc.n bil of a carrot. Pog!. (pl,n.) Thc lumpsof dry Powd€rthat rcmainafter cookinga packctoflouP. Polbthic (adj) taPsusingonly th. Giftedwith $c abililyio maniPulatc fcct.

P O N- P U L - whichinvariablywin3childrcntpainlin8comFdrion! In mc c-l agagToup. (n.) PollyHlin Thc rhnccadopledbya 3calide comcdian whichGll! you tharth€punchlin.isimmin€ni. PooDr(n,) Salisficdgruntint noiscmadcwhcnsirtint bacl afler a t@
PolhtoErilh (adj.) inclincdto PullthcatufnnSoutof lofas. Pc.vbh,rcsdcs3,

Princcrni.borouth (n,)

Polloch (n.) andaluminiumfoil lubr onc of thosctiny ribb€d_Plaltic of milk r.rvedon trains.neblinSyouto carryonc aaflly wh€reyou cansPillthc con' backto yourcompartment rcnt!all overyourlc$ in comforttryinSto gctthebloody thingoP.n.

Pruaglc (adj.) Prct.ndingrobc proudto b. lintle,

Polp.rro (n.) Th. ball,or muff, of !ogg7hair foundclingingto Mth ovcrffo$-holca. Polyphut (n.) partbird,par!snakc,Panjam!!.in Thc mythicalbeas!80

Thc right of any mcmbcr of rhc noyal Femily!o hav. paoplcl.ugh et th.irjol$, howcvc!wccdr.

Pudrcy(n,) _fhc curiou!{hapcdnat wad!ofdough l.ft on a kikhcn lablcaftar3omconc ha!b€€ncurtinclconc!outofit, Pulv.rb.ich (n,) Thc 6rsrparagraph on thcblurbofa du!r-ja.L.rin ehi.h Ianrcu!author!claimto havehade lcricaof mcnialiobs in lhciryourh,

EI

P U N- Q U A Puring (ptcpl.vb.) Boolting a man's.go by pretendint to bc unabl. lo oP€n ascrcwbPJar, PyEbl! (n.) small metal objectabout thc lizc of a thimble which lies on rhe ground. Whenyou kick it you discoverit h lhc toP ofsomethingburied four fcet dccP.

QUE-RAN (n.) Qu.dgll.y A rabidlyl.fi.win8 politicianwho canafford ro bc rhal waybccaurchc marricda millionaircas. Qu.nby (n.) A liubbom lpot o'l a windowwhich/ou 3p€ndrw€nry minut.slrying to cl.anoff b€foredbcovcrintit'! on th. oth.r lidc ofrhc tlaos. Qucltin (n,) A pcrronftat no oneha! cvarhaardof whounaacountablymanagcrto malca living'rrilint prefac€s, QuoFC.! (n.) Thc hatcfulncs! ofword! likc'relionua' and'ea!iDhir'.

Qu.bb. (pl.n.)

The subltancca*hich emcrgewhcn you lquee?ea blackhcad.

R.dl.fl (n,) Thc linglc hcmilphercof dri€d pcawhichis invariably foundin anotherwilespotlcarly clcanlauc.pan.

Ranrgrre(n,) All inltilulional building! rhult, by law, conrainat lea( twenly ramlgatca. Th.sc erc dooB which opcn lhc opporit wayto th.onc tou rxpcct.

Rrnd.r.(pl,n.) QUAaaS

qudl (vb.) 'lb

spcat with thc voic€of onc who r.quirc! another to do somethingfor them.

Pcopl.who,for thcir own obrcurcrcalonr,try to tlc.p with pcoplcwho havesleptwith mcnb€r! of fic Royal Family.

Rrfirrly (adj.) Fachionof tying tie! !o that the long thin .nd dand6 bclowtha lhort fa! end.

ET

RAV-RIC

R I C- R U F Rictlirt (ptcpl.vb,) Fiddlingaroundinrid. a magarine to removcall rhc staplcd-inspccialoffcr cardsrharmak. i! impolliblelo read.

Rigolct (n.) Ar muchofan op.raa! mostpcoplccanrit through. Riubcy (n.) Thc particularlyimprc$ivc throw of a frisbc. which caurcs it to bclost, Ripo! (vb,) lof literarycritic!)To includcall rhebcatjoLcs from rh. boot in the revi.wto maLeir lool a! if rhccriticthought ofthcm, Rirplith (n.) Thc burutof apphuec$hichgrc.ri rhclound of a platc lmalhingin a cantcen, RANTUR!Y

Rrvdrtlr (n.) in a workftanl bottomthat Poeticterm for theclaavag€ p€eksabovethclop ofhb trouset!. Rhymn.y (n,) That part of a songlyric $hich you iuddenlydiscover you'vcbcenmishearing for years. Ribcr (n,) Thc barelysoiledshcctof toil.t paper$,hichiignahthe proccss. endofthc bouom-wiping Richtlond (adj.) D$criptivcofthe 3trtethatveryresp€ctablc cldcrlyladic! inlo if thcy have a little too nluch sherry, $hich,ar tet everyone kno$s,do€3notmakeyoudrunl.

E4

Rochc.tlr (n.) Onc who is ableto gainoccuparion of the armrcrtson bothlidcr oflheir cincmaor aircrafr3.at. Roo.cbccL(n.) Uscfulall-purpdccrncrgency word.Whena childasks 'Daddy,what'srhat bird/Rower/funny rhing rharmant w.aring?'you limplyr.ply'ICaa roolcbc.k,darling.' Royrton(n.) The men bchindyou in churchwho !ing! with rcrrific gurtoalmdtrhrcr-quancrs of a toneoffthcnotc. Rudgr (n.) An unjultcriticilmof yourcx-girlfricnd'3 nrwboyfriend. Rufioih (n.) On. oho ha! the llr€ngth of charactcror loudncrsof voicctobringalowthering (q.v,)!c!3ion to ancnd.

E5

scA_scR S..nblc.by (n.) A 3rnalldogwhichrctcmblc!e rhrow.rugand.ppaeRro b. d.ed.

Srdb€rgc(n) rhrubwhichir gound uP,mix€dwith A violcntgrcan -rclatinc .nd a.rvedwift clonmult(q.v.)and rvrirsand (q,v-.) in a containcr rcfcnad to for no known bulidoo rcasona3the'rclhhtray'. sdfrcn Wdd.n (n.) A Dariicularlind of hidcouscarualjackct that nobody wein in rcal lifc, but whichi! huch favouEd by Ronnic Barlcr. SdPccn (nJ A fainttalteofwalhin8-upliquidin a cupof !ea. S.m.lrm|n (n.) by bcaming Onc who fills in th. gaP!in .onlersalrons wcll, wcll, hercwc all tcniallyat p€oplcandsaying'Well, arclhan',a lot. S.tr.dhw.itc (vb,) To spraythc Frlon you arc talking to wirh halfthcwed or smallpiccerof whit€bah. breaacrumbs S.uclllo (n,) misjudgcrthc A ioke told by somconcwho comPlctely lold. whom itfu perron to of rhc tcri pcrament S.v.rdlc (vb ) crcrt!on to ananorakin thcb€lieffiat To 3cwmuniciDal cdmopolitan. thi3makcrthawcarcraPp€ar ScrcHctod (n.) Horizonlal avalancheof ca$€!t$ that llides acro*r fta int€riorof a carr! it tocarounda lharpcorncr.

E6

SCAMILESBV

Sccthlot (n.) Ona of !hc)6cl,cculiar bcardr-wirhou!-moultchc! worn by r.lidou-!.Beldan!andAmcricanlcicnrill!whichhclp thcmlooklilc trolls, Sconlcr(n.) A pcEon who loob aroundlhcm lrhcn talling ro you, ro secif tharc'rahyoncmorcinlcr$ting about, &opwict (n.) Thc Rapof.lin whichi! rom off yourlip whcntryingro rmoraanunlPpcdogarictlc, Scorrier(n,) A.smallhunringdog trainad!o lnumc amongs!your pnvalcPart!. Scorthrop(vb.) 'I o mal. v.gueoFning or curlingmovcm.nt!whh ihc handrwhcnwanderingatrourlooling for a tin opener, scrssorr..rc., inrhe hop. rharlhbwillhclpinlomcway. Scnbby(n,) A. curiou!-ahapcd du3tcrdvcn ro you by your mothcr which on clos€rinspc.tiontum! ou! to bc half an undcrDant, 87

s 0 u_ S H I

s c R- s c u

somethingrnildly interestingon the orh€r side of th€

Scnb.t r (n.)

Oncofthorcdogrwhichha!it off onyourlegdurinStca' Scullet(n )

Scl.Dogc (vb )

'l

To cut oncaclf$hilrt licLing cnv.lop€!.

S.urlage(r.)

Scr. o! (n,) (q v )' A Dcrconri,ho,aflcr thc dcclarationof tha Mmin ' '. rouP atwayrrays, . Butt onlyhadthclomato

{ duck-w€b ofsnotcaused bysncezing intoyourhand. S€nttle(vb.) To rhakcanohelikea rraingoinSalong.

Scnptoft (n ) Th. ablurd f,aPof hair a vain and baldingmangrora/! loncabovconccarto combi! plaltarcdovcrthctoPofhis hcaato theotharcar.

( .) Shalunt ijn€ who ecars Trinidad and _fohagoT-shirrson the l)eachin Balito prove.heydidn'rjus(winrhchotidayin a (ompetidon or anything.

Scrccb (vb,) To malc thc noi!. of a nylonanoraLrubbint againsta Dairof corduroytrouter3

Shanllitr(n.) Thehoopofskinarounda singlesliceol salanri.

Scrltt|n (n.) (Binhinr) The cro$ed-outbit causcdby PcoPlcputting ihe*rorig ycarontheirchequ*alllhroughJanuarv

Sheepy Megne(rr.) One who .mergesune,(p€cr€dly from the wrongbcd roomin themorning.

Scr.Eby (n ) Th€ d€hydrakdfclt'tiPPcnaitachcdby a 3tring to thc 'Don\ Forcct board in thc kitch€n which has ncvcr worlcd in iivingmlmorYbut which no on. canbc both. crcdto throwa$ay

Sheppey (n.) Ilcasurc of distanc. (cqual ro approximaielylcvene'ghlhsof a milc),defincdas!h. clolcsrdielancc arwhich sheepremainpicturcaquc.

Scri.bin(n.)

Shifnat(n.) {n awkwardrhulflingwalkcauledby rwoor morcpcople 'n a hurry accidcntal.ly tcitint in rhesame!€gmentof a revolvingdoor.

Thcrcncthat NormanTcbbit adoPtswith intcricweru'

scroggr(pl.n,)

Th. rtout Dubichairr $,hichprolrude from your hclPing of mou$akain a chaapGr€ckr€rtaurant

Shirnpliug (ptcpl.vb.)

Scronlcy (n.)

somcthing that hitg th. window as a rcsuh of a violenl 3neczc.

Scugog(n.)

he lastteasF)onin lhe $ashingup.

I

l.yitrgabourrhe sr.atc of your life in ordcr to cheerup yourparents, llti.-"r" (pt.n.)

one whote moulh actuallyhan86oP.n whcn watching

Iallyoungmenwho clandaround!milingarwcddingras u lo suggcrtthat they knowthe bride rarherwell.

88

89

S K A- S L A

s H o- s l r Sho.burync[ (n.) fcclingyout't wh'nsittingon Thcvarucuncomfortablc a seatwiich is still warm from som.Hy

ekc\ botlom

Sbottlc (n.) Onc of !ho!e tub€smadeofyellow Pla3ticdultbin! which buildcF ur€ to gct rubblcoffthc toP fioor ofa housc

Shrcnl (n,)

A fold in a Pairofltockingr that ar€n\ tight cnouth for a pair of thinlc$.

SicrEou! (adj.) Pc cclly willing to aPp€aron thc T€rry Wo&n show'

SidcuD(nJ

A iat made from tying lnot! in thc corncfl of a hand' Icrchicf.

Sigglc.thorn. (n ) Anything uscdin licu of a toothPict

sk giw.y(n,) Suddcnoutbreakofcond on a motorway, sk nlcftP (n.) A Swcdirhcarserolc madcofcll-livcru. Slcgnc.. (n.) Noseexcrelaofe malleable conristcncy. Slclliltcr (n.) A v.rt, vcrt old ioliciror. Skellow(adj.) Descrip.iv. of thc iatilfacrion.xperienced wh€nlooking at a rcallytood drylionc wall. Sl.nfrith (n.) Thc flakcaofathletelfootfoundinsidcs<xks. Sk€tty(n.) Apparendyself-prop€lled lirrledancea b€erglassp€rformsin itsownpuddle.

StLft (n.)

Skibberecn(n.) 'l he nois€madeby a sunburncdthigh leavinta plasric

Si.Uotb(n.)

Slooncpruit(n.) I he tiny gardensprinklerthingyour mouthsometines ooestor noaPParent r€alon,

SiEptiD (n.)

Skrubburdtrut(n.) one who draws penis€! on postersof women in the L:nderground.

(M.dical) Th€ inabilily to rcm€mbcr, at the critic'l iomcnt. which ir the bitter iidc of !h' boat to b' lcasicl off. SohcthinEthat eat ltickv and i. now futry' found on rh' carpc!un;cr thc aofaon thc mominS aftcr a Pany ihc little mo"cmentof fal!€ modcatyby $hich a wom'n

sonrconewho is obviouslyno( doing 1{har$cy $,enrtnlo llte lavaloryfor,

h€r knac!, StitilgbouEc

Sluhmus(n.)

(n.)

arcwaidnt whcrcbothPcoPlc Oic of thorcconversationr .^^.r-. onc ^-. to '^ rhut .h"r uP .- 30 .^ thcy ih.v.rn E€t on wlm with th.rl aan t€t for .Lthc olhcr D|l.

90

$hbberrr 1pl.n)

Peoplewho sat 'Ca l havcsomemorejuicc?'whenthey nreantravy, 9l

S L E- S M A Sldrttua(n.) whichgocrroundandroundbut won'tcomc Somclhing off.

SUFhi.ly (n,)

Someon.wholakcithcmorningoff*orkin ord.r to litn on, Slobosir (n,) Achronicinabilityto PickuPunddp.n6 Slogrric (n.) rough dial€d for thc ltrckh of conccal€d Hillwalkinr -which wa! you !h. what lhought bctw€.n lic! moorland lop of th. hill andwhatactuallyt. sloilgc (n.) A po3trclf-abulc!ri!tc!!c Sloothby (adj.) Crnrpicuouly inconrpicuour- ar of a major cclcbrily cntcring a rcltaurant wifi a gr.at dilplay of bcing incognito, Slubbcrt (n.) Thc goocydripr of wax!h.t dribblcdown!h. 3id€!of. candlc. Sluggu (n, A lurid facial bruilc *hich cvcrtMy Polilcly omit! to mcntion bccaurcitl obviou! that you had a Punch'uP with your rpourc lalt nighr - bur u/hich wa! aciudly caurcdby walkinginto a door. lt i! ulclca! to voluntcat thc iruc cxDlanationbc<3u!enoHy lvill bclievcit. Slunb.y (n.) Thc cigrctte ind rcmconcdilcovar! in thc mouihful of hgcr tf,ey havejurt rwiSgcdftom a .an at lhc and of a

Parry. Srnrrdca (vb.) To lrcp your mouth lhut by hilinS de&rmin.dly lhroughyourtc€lh.

SME-SNO h largclyw.d by pcoplerryinSro giv. rhc . Smardcning rmpr..ltontharth.y-reenjoyinga lrory rhey'vehcardar lciut llx ufnc! baIor..

Srldri..ry (n.) Thc parr of a kir.hcnwall res€ncdfor rhc schooltim. daubing!of rmallchildren. Smirby (nJ Th€ corrftt namcfor a junior apprcnticagreentroccr wnolcmatnduty t! to arrangc$a frui! ro rhatthc bad cldcE undcrneath. From tha namcofacharactcrnot in Dickcns,

Smyru (n.) Tha cxpr€$ionon rhc faceof onewhosejolchas tonc downrathciwcll, Snccm(n.) Panicularkind of frozensmilcb€stowed on a smallchild bv a par€nr.inmixedcompany whenqucslion..Mummy. .Er ... ir\'a whats rhh)'appearu ro rcquircthearirwer. johnny, rubbcr darling.' Srdtt.r (n.) Oneof thc rathcrunfunnynevrrpapcr clippingspinn€d to an olhcc $ali, rhe humourof whichfu luDDdcdro derivefrom rhc facrtha(rhc headlinecontainsa namc similarto tharof oneofrh. occupanri of$c officc. Snitterby(n.) Somaone whopinr up rnirrcrs(q.v,). Snittcrfcld (n,) Officcnoriccboard on whichsnirGrs(q.v.),cardsiayinq 'Youdonl have to bemadro *ort here,but ifvou aie.ii h.lpdl!' and lmutrypolrcardsfrom lbizageriinned up oysnrttarDrcl (q,v.).

snoul(n.) Thr lhird rccurr€nc€of a wintcr cold.

93

I

s N o- s P o Snovct (n.) Onc$,hob rcduccd!o drinkingcoffecfrom hit e8t''upl inorderto Putoffthewalhingupjuetonemorcwcck solcnt (adj.) rcachcd of th€rtateof sercncr€lf-kno\^'lcdgc Descriprivr drink through Sollcr (vb.) To brcaksomcthingin two whileteslingif you glu€dit togcthctProPcrlY. Sodpting (n.) Ttrc practiccof dnbblnS involuntarilyinto one\ o$n pillor{, Sottrrl.y (n.) Uncovcredbit bctweentwo shoPswith au'nin$,which youhavctoaro$whenit'sraining

SourhwicL(n.) A left-handcd wanker'

Spiddl. (vb) 'fo

frittcr awa), a P€rfecdYSood life pr.Gnding lo dcvelopfiln Projects.

SpinwrE (n.) 'fhc toxicfoamthatclinSs to ro.kylbrcahor's Spitt l ofcl.n.h.c (n ) That which has to bc clean.doff castledoorsin the conte3tor vamPlrc morning atler a bagpiPc'Playing attack. Spoff.rd (n.) An MPwhos€contributionto poliricrtulimit'd to tayinS 'HcarHcar" Spofforth (vb.) ladyarrive3' Totidy upa roomb.foreth. cleaning 94

S P O- S T E Spot|lc (vb.) To tcmovcpreciousobjcct3fiom a roombcforea pe y. SprcrlJcy (adj.) I.riiatinglych€€rfulin rh. horning.

ltuob(n.) Sprucc A gcnitalaftcrlhavewhichh suppor€d ro bc calchingon in America.

Spurytr(n.)

Onc who in an!$cr to !h€ qu€rtion 'How arc you?' actuallytcllsyotr,

SpuzruE(n.) A wcc.wcewhich rclcmblera lawn rprinller, causedby a shrcdoflilsuc pap.r colcring thc exirholc of the penir. Squiblocl.t (n.) That part of a car, thc unexpectednccd for thc repiaccment of which ceu3e3garagcbill! to bc four timer larg.r than the €sdmata.

Stagnodi Cunbi (n.) (ltalian)Pils€doff with weitint for a bus ro arrive,a waiterto brinSthe mcnu,or a t€niN !o finhh painting yourc.iling.

Strplow(n,) A telcphoncnumbcrthat you nowcanl find anywhcrc becausc two ycarsagoyousworeyouwouldneverspcal lo th! Pcnona8arn, Stebbing(n.) 'l he erectionyou ca not concealbecause you arc not lfearingajack€r. Stecnhullet(n.) Oncwhoi.cmployedbya trad€dclcgarionor negoriaring leamlo iwcll th€ numbcnand makcir lml irnpr$sive

S T R- S W A

S T T '- S T R whc !h.y watk out. Thcre arc currently 25'36E!t€cn_ huffelsworkingat the UN in Ncw York.

SretlingMinnir (n.) A raditional strcct danc. This lovely old gi8!e can bc s€enat anv lime of the Yearin the strcctsof the City of lrndon or th€ couris of thc old Bailey.wherevcr you 3eeothcrwisepcrfectlyltaid Sroupsofbenkers'barrist.rg or ordinarv menrbersof the public moring along in a slightly syncopatcdway you may be sur. thal a rt.lli S rninnii isiakirig place The Ph.nomenonis causedby the factrhat the danicrsarc tryintnot !o stcPonlhe cracksin thc pavcmentin caseth€ b€aff 8et them Stibb ( ,) An unwelcomcpoke in the ribs by someoncwho hardly 'Mr'Robert Maxwcll stibbcd Her Royal HiShnes! repeatedlywith his hubY,7A, ?ittn. Stibbdd (n.) Thc invbible btatc pcdal on the pa!!cn8€r'! ridc of !h€

(n.) Stody ' nun.s for hours3othcy A smalldrinkwhichsomcone can ltay in thc pub

Stolc Pogr. (n.) Thc tappingmolcmcnl! ofan index fingcr on glalt mad' lv a ijrrcn futitcly att mFring to communicatewith eithcrl trooicalfirh ora Po!!Omccclerl.

s.ostilg (ptc;l.vb.) lummY. woman's aPrcgnant Fecling SFu.g|rg (n.) Gcimanword for the groupof workeruhir€d!o lunch inlida a 3lringof moior ay concltor *agvay (q.v )

Sart[.y (nJ lrng ltrip of PaPcror taF whichhasgotEnglcdround lhc whc€l of romcthins.

96

Strubbt (adj.) Artractivcly miniaturc. Sturry(n,) A rolcn run. P€desrriani who have chosln to cos! a roao

immcdiarely in fronr.ofan"pproaching v.hiclegcnerally gtvea fituc waveand brcakinroa lturry. This giv€!!h. imprdsion of hurrying wilhout havingany praclical effecton th€irepeed wherlocver. Sluttotr(n.) Tiny mcltedplasricnodulcwhichfailsto h€lp fasrcna Sucklcyl{nowl (n.) A plumb€r\assistant whoncverkfiowgwher. thc actual plumbcris. Surby(adj.) Insolentlypolire,as of policemenwho havcsroppeda motorist, Suttonend Cheem(ns.) SurtonandCh.arnaretherlfo kindi ofdirr inrowhichall dirt isdivided.'Suton'ir thedarksorrtharalways gctson to light-colourcd thin$, and 'cheam'th. lighr-coloured sorllhat alwaysclingson ro darkirems.Anyonewhohas everfoundMarmitestainson a dr.ss-shirr, or seagull goo on a dinnerjack.ra) knowsall aboursutronand cheam, andb)isgoingrosomeverycuriousdinncrpartiei. Swaffhin Bulbcck (n.) An entirepicnicIunchrinrcspenr fighrintoUwasp3. Swanegc (pl.n.) A reri.s ofdnen'onarv kcrics uled when lrying ro cov€r up rh. cxilrence of a glormp tq.v.) such as uuering a xrgh-pirchcd laughandpoinringourofrhewrndow.

91

TtI-TIB

S W A- T A R Sr.ltbo.r (adj ) rhaggcdout aft'r e harddayhavintincome Cornplctely roYou raxexPlaincd se.fltng (ptcpl vb) Usin!a rpccialatachmcntto Hoovcralofa SvEond'r Y.t (n.)

inlidc ftc lid of a r'ccntly oP'n€d The littlc tDoonful ' boilcdcgt.

Tcig[gr.cc (n.) The bclicf rhat a Dcvoncrcamtca i! nol going to makc youfccl,icl rft€r you'vccrtcnit. Tew (n.) e men'i€ycbrowr. Tuft ofhair that$owNbctwGcn Tcw.l (n.) The little bralslatchwhichfastcnsthc front wallof a doll'shou!€, Throcking (ptcpl.vb.) The actionof continuallypushingdownthc l.vcr on a poFup toaltcrin th. hopclhat tou will thcr.by8€tit lo understand thatyouwantitto loaltrcmcthing.

T.bl€y SuFrlor (n.) Thc look dircctcda! you in a ficatr' bar during intcrval by PaoPlcwho'Y. drc'dy gol th'ir drinkr'

T.Dp. (n ) irc rcundof a rubbcrcralarcomingto rcrt aftd droP pingoff adc.kin av€ryquictroorn Tru!.rtv. (vb) yourcntr.nccbyfallingovc!thcdu'tbinitl To announcc thc drivc

T.nvrb (pl.n.) DilturlingrhinSrthatthePr.viouiowncflofyourhoutc havc lcft in thc celler'

Tu.bulu. (n ) Thc gcom.lrical ngurc which,dcrribe Bomblim or a car ltc€nng wn€cl

thc Ban thc

t r-- ttU.l To mal. loudnob€!durintrh€niEhtto tcrthcburgl'F lnowyouarcin. 9t

Thro.tEorton (n,) oncof th@enowknown Thc soulofa departedmadman: ofpop-uptoa!tcrs. to inhabitthetimint mechanirms Thrun.tcr (n.) 'fhc ir tetingman nextto you in a .onccrtwho thinks hc'3ihaconductor. Thrupp (vb.) To holda ruleron on€cndofa desl andmaketheolher cndgobbddbbddbbrrbrrrddrr. Thurnby (n,) A ruckcd-upedgeof carp€tor linoleumwhich.veryone satglomeonewill trip overand breal a let unlcasit 8et! 6xcd. Af!€r a ycar or two someonetriPi over k and breaksa leg, Tib.h€f (n.) Crbs-crorswoodcnconltructionhung on a wall in a te"nagegirl's b.droom whi.h i!.ov.r.d *nh da!! bernbi. and poodl*, matchinS pigr and Porc€lainPonic! in variousPosturd, 99

TID-TOL Tidpit (n.) Thc corncrof a tocnailfrom whichlrtirfyinglittlcblack 3PotsmaybclPrung,

Ttuicoultry(n.) adopt€dbyanemploycras chummincrr Thc oan-to-man thathe! Soingto hav.to a prcludcto tellintanamploy€e go, let him Tirnblc (vb.) (Of lmall nastychildren)To fall oververyg.ntly, look aroundto ceewho'sabout,andth€nyellblucmurder.

TOL- TRE Tollbchol.ir (phr.) Whatthc policein Leithrequircyou to sayin ordcr to Drovcthatyouarenotdrunk. ToE.tin (n.) Thc chemical from whichrinnedromaroioupismade. TotryFndy (n,) Th€voice 3cdby presente$ on childrcn'srcl€viiionprogfammcs, Toody.y (n.) lndoncsian expression meaning'somctimc ncxtmonth'.

Tinclcton (n.) A man who amuscshimlclf in your lavatoryby pulling thc chainin mid.pc. and then seeingif hc can finish b€for.theflushdoca.

Tooting BGc(n,) A carbehindwhichon. drawrup ar rhetrafficlight!and hootsat $henthclighBgogrcenbeforercalizingihat the carh parkedandthcrcb nooncinlide.

Tirglwicl (n.) Thc 6n!, sleepymorning!!irrin83ofthc peni3.

Torluld/ (n.) Narrovebut lhickly grim.d rtrip of floor ber$ccnthc fridtc andrh€sinkunit in thc kitchcnofa rcntedflar,

Tingrith (n.) 'fhe yourfillinEs feclingof silverpapcragainst Tocldol.s (pl.n.) pe orationswhichinfestbroSues Th€liny meaningless Todber (n.) Onewhorcideaofa goodtim. b to standb€hindhk lront hedtcandgivesurlynodsto peopl.hc doesnlknow. Todding (p!cpl.vb.) Th€ businc$of talkingamicablyand aidrlesllyto thc barmanat lhe br:al, Tolob (n.) the r.movalof The cr.ale or lbld in an und€rblanket r.rnakingit. out of b€d and larSely whichinvolves Setting

100

Toronto (n.) Ccncricterm for anlrhingwhichcomcrour in a tulh dcspilcall your carcfulaffortsro let h our gcnr.ly, c.g. flour into a whhcsauca, tomalolctchupon ro friedfiih, spermintoa humanbcing,etc. Totrlridg! (n) Thc ridiculourtwo-inchhunchtharFoplc adoptwh€n arrivinglat for th. thcatrcin thc vainhopcrharit will minimizccithcr thc cmberre$mcntor thc lacl of visibilityfor thar.3t oftheaudicnce. Tnatlenorc (vb,) To makca nofu.likca tiain ciosrintasc!ofpoint!. Trcwoofc (n.) A vcry ihick and heavydrift of snowbalanccdprccaiiouilyon thc cdtr ofa doorporchawaitingfor whatit l0l

TRI-TUM -iudg€r to bc the corrc(t mom€ntto fall'Th. Trewoofe of Fiom thc ancicnt Cr€ek lcgcnd, Damoclca'.

Tri.p.n (n.)

toughstalk A form of intcllig€nt8rar3.lt Srowsa 3ingl€, end mal€s its homc on lawN. Wh€n it saal lhe comingit li.s downandPoPsuPaSainaftcrit lawnmowcr ha! toncby. Tro.r.ch. (pl.n.) raincoat ancxpensivc The $clcsscpaulctieson

TWE-UMB n.) Twcedrrnuir(collective colhctionof hat!lepi in Thc namegivento theextcnsivc thc downslairslavatorywhichdonl fit Nnyoncin th. family. Teornil.borri! (n.) in whichthcfirst A popularEa3tf,urop.anoutdoorgame pcr3onto rcachthefrontof lhc meatqucucwini,andthc loscnhaveto forfci!theirbathpluF.

Trunch (n.) youngcrthanyou Irulinctiver.s.ntmentof PcoPle

Tu.ngrrn€y(n.) A hidcouswood.n ornament that P.oPlc hant ovcr th€ mantclpiccctoprovcthcy'vebccn io Afnca.

Tukiruki (n.)

Uditu (adj.)

l,

Not rusceptiblcto charm.

Uggl€b.rnby (n.)

'l h€ ponyrailaff.ctedbya middl€-aged baldintnan

A rcxualliaisonwhichis meanttob sccrctbut which h in factcommon knowlcdge.

Ull.pool (n.) Thc apitrlewhichbuildsup on th. floorof thc orchdtra pit ofthc RoyalOp€raHousc.

Tullyncrrlc (n,) An honalt attemPtto track down a clitoris.

Ullirg.wicL (n.) epiglotti! found in middlc-agcd An ovcr-dcvclopcd

TulB (n.) A slurp of beerwhhh has accidentallygoncdown your shiit collar.

Ulting (ptcpl.vb.) ClickinS thcja$,tounpoptheeari.

Turnby(n.) 'I heinvoluntary aMominal gurgling$,hich6lb th€ silcncefollowint !omeonc els€'!intimatcpcrlonal revclaiion.

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Umbcrlcigh (n.) Thc ewful momentwhich followsa dorchesler(q.v.) whcna spcakerweighsup whctherto rep€alan amusint rcmarkafternobodylaugh€dth. Iasttim€.To beon th. horn3of an umb€rlcithis to wondcr$hetherpcople didnl hcarthe remark,or *h.ther theydid hcarit and t03

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UPO-UTT jurt didn'rthint it wa! funny,which$.3 whylomcbodY couShcd,

Vdlqai| (n.) An ornalc hcaddr€!! or looregzrmcnt wom by a perron in ih. bclicf that it rrndcr! lhcm invilibly nativcand not lilc tourilt! at all. Peoplawho don bugc conicalsrrah, coolichat! with 'l luv leto!'on thcm in Nigrria,or fal oliciton frorn Tonbridgcon holidayin Malayawhoinsilt on appcadngin thc hotellobbywcaringa laront know whatwcarcon about. ULLINGSWICN

Upott ry (n,)

That Dar! of a kirchencupboardwhich conraintan unn.cclladlylargcnumbcrof milI jugs.

UrcMont (n.) Suddcnltab of hyPocrilywhichgocathroughfic mind whcnlalint vow!asa todPareni. Uttorctcr (n,) deviccwhich A smallbut immcnlclycomPlcxmcchanical i! c!!.nridlv thc 'brain of a mod.rn coffc. machin..and

Vrlcouvcr (n.) Thc ic.hnicalnamefor onc of thorehurc rrucls whh whirtingbrulhc!on thebortomuredto cleinstrccu. VcDhor (nJ On. who,havingbccnviair.da.sa childby a myir.rious gyprylady,tugiftcdwitl th. 3thntc powerof b€ingablero op€ratatheair-nozzlcs abovcacroplanc scats, vidlin (n.) Thc moiltlt fray.d.nd ofr pic.eol coltonrhread. 'It ir casierfor a rich nranto €ntcl thc Kincdomof Hcavcn thanit i! for a vidlinto pa$ throu8hrhecyl ofa necdl..'

which cnabics thc machin€ to talc it! own d..i!ion!'

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W E D- W E T

vls-wAw Vi.by (n, with in thc bedclothes ihc ooinrv,tcnl'likcatructurc

Wcddcrhin (Pl.n) Th€ larg€ patchd of swcat on lhc bacl of a hot man!

which a man indicat$ to hir partner that hc think! itl high dm€ shc ltopPcd fiddlinS around in thc balhroom .loboard and cam€to D€d.

Vollenhovc (n.) One who indicatcsfrom thirty yardi acrots a crowded 3trcetthat ihey havesPotl€dyou, wish to 3p€akwith you' and that you arc r€quired to rcmain rcoted to the sPot waitin8for ihcm

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ri WaccaDaw (n ) An cxotic Brazilian bird which makcs itt home in thc audienccaof BBC Light Ent.rtainmcn! radio showsand whcn i( hean the word bonom 3creechca

W..l.ggu (n )

(Archaic)Onc who do.3 not aPprov€ofaraglins(q v )

Warhrby (n.)

Somethingvou only dk(over about somehxlv the firrt ume theyiik€ thc,r cbthesoffin frcnt ot rou

W.!p Gr€qr (adj,) 'I he paint in the catalogue$hich i3quiteobviouslyyelbw

Wrt€ndl.th (n ) 'I

h€ bit of wood a cabbiercmov$ ro asto open his rliding windowand gire you the full b€n.fit ofhisopinions

W|rvnc(n.) A badlysuPPrcased Yawn 106

W.|rblcy (n.) The hid.ou! momcntof connrmationtha! the dilaltcr pretrgcd in thc cly (q v.) ha! actuallyltruck. Wcadcrr Anbo (n.) (valcrinary tcrm) Thc oPcradonto rraccan objcc!rwal_ lowcd by a cow through all it! 3.v.n stomach! Hrnc.' aL!o,an cxpcdilion io dilcovcr rdhcr. thc cxi!! are in the Barbican C€ntrc.

Welt Wtttlrilg (ptcpl.vb) Thc uncontrollablctwir.hin8 whichbr.alr out whcn you'retryingto 8ctawayfromth€molt boringp€rlonrt a P.ny. Wctu !g(n.) A moilt Dcni!.

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WHA-WIN

Wi!!t!r (n.) lhatthcyare on. whoismbtalcnlyundcrthcimprcarion charmrnS.

Whrplodc Drov. (n ) golfltroke A homicidal Wh.!!.t (n.) A burincsrcard in your $allct bclongingto sommnc ofmcetint whomyouhav€no recollcction WLlocndinc (n.) A noisrwhicho(curs(oftcnby nitho in a ltrangehousc' whichi! toorho andtooirregularfor you.vcr !o b€ablc to findout $halit ir andwhercit comcifrom. WiddicoEb€ (n.) ffimPhoncs, Th€sortof p€rgonwhoimP€rsonarc WiFn (n.) lf. whcnalkinq to romconcyou knowha! onlyoncl€g you'retrying ti rrcatthcm pcrfcttly caruallyand nor' rs mally,but find to your horrcr that your convetsation to (a)lrngjohn silver' libcrallyltuddcdwi$ refcrcncca 'Putting (b) HopalonsCalsidy,(c)lhc Hokeycol.y, (d) vourf&r in if, 1elrhc lastlct of!h€ UEFAcomPctition" a wigan youaresaidto havccommittcd

Wilrton-S.lcD

(n )

A pcBon in a re3laur.nt who luggesis to thcir .ompanion! that they shouldsplit lhe costof a mcal .qually, and thcn orderi two pacl.ls of cigarettcson th€ bill.

Wiv.lhoc (n.) withwhicha sprighdy cithty-ycar-old Thccryof alacrity breal$ thc ic€ on thc lakc $hcn Soint for a .*im on Chrisima!Eve.

Woling (ptcpl.vb.) Standingin thekitchcn$onderingwhatyoucamcin hcrc WolloldiUy (n.) g€therliFtickon ltraight, A women\a,hocanl WorEr.t (n,) in st€alingnew A kind of poltcrg.istwhichrpGciali2e! copiesof thc A-Z lromyourcar.

Wikc (vb,) To rip a picccof lticly Pla3teroff your llin a! fasta! possi6hinthe hoP€thatit will la)showho$blavcyouar' and(b)nothurt.

Wotltop (n.) A Flcrionwho ncveractua.lly tc$ round io doing anv_ thing becauschc rp€ndsall htu time wriling our lisu hcadcd'Thin$To Do(Urtcnt)"

Willirarntic (adj ) Of a pcrsonwhoseheart is in thc wront Plece(ie. lhcir le8r. bctw€en

WorD.lot|| TuEp (n,) who docan\ know aboutanyAny s€ventccn-tcar'old thingatall in theworldotherthanbicyclegears.

Wimblcdon (n.) Thc lart droPwhich,no mattcthowmuchyoushaleit, goesdownYourtrou3arrc8 alway3

Wrebncre(n,) a damp The fcclingatierhavingtriedto dry oneselfwith towel,

WinHcy (n.) yor'l'vc A lolt objeciwhichturnsuPimmcdiat€ly Soncand for it. boughta rcplac€ment

Wristlc (vb.) Ol a stcelball,to s"ttleintoa hol.

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WRO-YES Wrcot(n.) A lhort liltlc b.rk $ho thintr lhai by pulling on hir PiP. and qazingshr.wdly at you hc will givc thc imPrcr3rcn tha! i. ir i;finncly wiseand6ft zin

wubin (n.) 'fhc

m€lalfoil con6incr whichChinelc m.alscom. in.

Wyoming (plcpl.vb ) Movin8 in hurried desPention lnlm one cubicle to anothci in a publiclavalorytrying !o lind one whichhasa lock on the door. a saaton tha bowl and no brownstreaks on lhe !cat, YIIiA

Ycti||tt (n.) A ycaman$,aitingto 3.. who it wouldb. molt advantaga' ou! lo aglrarcwrth. Yd.rdy (n.) An illncas $hich you know you'vc got but which the !hclmomctcr r€fusaalo aclnowledge

Yrmoutb (vb.) To 3hou! at foreitncfl in thc b€licf that lhc loudcr you lpcak, thc bcticr thcy'llundcrltand you

Yra. (n.) whircpieccofbreadwhich3it!lumpilyin Dilhcrncninslv a pop-up b;ster dunng a protractcd rhrocking (q t.) re3!ion,

Y.br. (n.) A cr$! bctwacna zebraand anythinScl!. whichfan.icr zcbras. Ycrmby (n.) A'y.3, maybc'whichmcan!'no" Il0

YondcrBognie(n.) Thc kind of rest urantadvcrtbcdas'justthrtc minute3 from !hi! cinama'whichclcrrly nobodyev.r gocrto and, iq haveccrtainly cv.n if thcy had cvcr contcmPlalcd chang€d lhcir mindtsincc!€.ingftc advcrt Yontcrr (n) (R.rc) Th. combincdthrill of Pain and 3hamewhcn bcingeught in publicplucling your nortril hairt and stuffinglhcmintoyourridc'Pock€t Yorh (vb.) To rhift th. polition of thc thould€rrtraPson a heavybag or ruckrdcl in a vainatl?mPtto mal. h reemlighlcr. H.ncci to lauth fatrcly end hcanily e! an unfirnny rcmarl, him to lhc d.Pth!of yort.d poli!.ly,loathing .Ja3minc wmlf hcrbcing. VirSinia l

z l o- z u M Zigo!.g(n.l lkid mad. by cartooncharact.rPriorto turnScr.cching dircction ingroundandrunningbackin theoppositc Zletibor (n.) (Hunsarian)A princeof the blood royal tcmporarily forcedto lecl .mploym€nta!a waitcr,

Zrfrille (n.) A garmcnt that cvan lsdy Rothcrmcrcwould nol dcign

Z.8r.b (n.) A strangcr who suddenlyclutchcaan intimatc part of your body and thcn pretcnd! ih.y did it to Prcvrnt th.m' rclvcr falling. Z.d Mo cbotu.D (n.) (skiing !erm) To 3kiwilh'z.al monachorum'i!to dca..nd rh. to-plhrcc{uanen of thc mounbin in a quiv.ring bluc funk, but on arriving at thc g€nllcbitjust in front of tha rertaurant to whizzio a 3toPlika a victoriousslalom

Zod (n,) An irrilatint lurnpwhichlticksout from the mainMy, Hcnce: (l)A bit ofcementwhi.hsit!proudof ih. brickwork (2)A drip of painton thcwindowpanc. (3)Th€ knobof iurplusbutterona corneroftoast. (4)No€lEdmondJh€ad. Zumbo(n,) Onewhopretendsnotlo lnow tha!ft€ cxhaustha!fallcn off hiscar.

Z.crurt (n.) The parti.ular kind ofdat€dne$ whichamicb thin$that wereo dnally d$itncd to look futuriltic

'IGONC

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