The Devil's Price (Harlequin Presents, No 852)

The Devil’s Price By Carole Mortimer Harlequin ISBN-10: 0373108524

CHAPTER ONE

CYNARA came to a startled halt as she stepped from the lift after her early morning swim in the hotel pool situated on the ground floor. The reception area was a hive of activity at only nine o’clock in the morning with people checking in and out of this busy London hotel. But one little boy stood out in that crowd as far as Cynara was concerned, quite a tall boy really at the ten he must be now, not far short of her own slender five foot frame. Michael Buchanan! It was five years since she had seen either him or his father, but he had changed little in that time, still incredibly like Zack, with that dark vibrant hair and cool green eyes. Michael had been remarkably self-possessed even at five, but now he looked even more so, tall and thin, with an air of confidence that sat strangely on such a young child.

He was looking at the billboard that stood outside the Sunset Lounge, staring at the photograph of Cynara that was prominent on the display, smiling into the camera, her chin resting on her hands, her long flame-red hair streaming down to her waist, her velvet brown eyes gleaming with a hint of mischief, her nose small and snub, her mouth wide and smiling. She hadn’t changed all that much in the last five years either; would Michael recognise her? Admittedly they had only met the once, but it had been a memorable meeting, one that should stand out even in a young child’s memory. Michael was frowning as he turned from the billboard, walking straight past her and into the waiting lift. Cynara didn’t move until she heard the doors close and the almost silent ascent of the lift, then the tension slowly left her. Whether Michael had recognised the woman in the photograph as the singer who had once been involved with his father she didn’t know, but he certainly hadn’t recognised the woman with the towel wrapped about her hair turban-style, the loose towelling dress she wore over her bikini making her look plumper than she really was. If Michael were staying at the hotel, and it seemed he was, then that meant either Zack or Joanne were here too. But which one, that was the question that demanded an answer. If it were Joanne then she had nothing to fear, knowing that, despite Zack’s father’s opposition to the idea, the couple had filed for divorce four years ago. Zack’s wife had been unaware of his relationship with the young singer Cynara, the two of them already separated when Cynara and Zack met. But if it were Zack with Michael ...! She hadn’t seen Zack since that last fiery scene when he had told her to get out of his life. And she didn’t want to see him again now either! Diane was one of the receptionists on the desk this morning, not one of the most helpful women when it came to the other staff at this exclusive hotel, but Cynara had always made it a policy to try and get on with the people she worked with. It made things easier in her profession, with her constantly changing venues. Diane looked at her insolently as she approached the desk, a beautiful blonde woman who cared little for the fact that Cynara was the contracted singer at the hotel for the month, and so entitled to a little more respect than she had so far been shown by this woman.

‘Was that Michael Buchanan I saw you talking to just now?’ She had learnt in the last week of working here that politely working up to a subject didn’t work with Diane James, that you had to be as plain-speaking to her as Diane was herself. But that was okay with Cynara, she preferred honesty and forthrightness herself. Glacial blue eyes met hers, Diane’s interest in the manager of the hotel well-known, her suspicion of all other women where he was concerned known too. ‘I’m not allowed to discuss the guests who stay here,’ she replied haughtily. ‘With anyone,’ she added pointedly.

‘Then Michael is a guest?’ she pursued in her naturally husky voice, a huskiness that had nevertheless become more pronounced the last few months after years of constantly working. The other woman flushed. ‘I wouldn’t know,’ she said unhelpfully, her mouth tight.

‘Then would you know if Zack Buchanan were a guest?’ Cynara asked with sweet sarcasm. ‘Could you just tell me if he’s registered here?’ she snapped impatiently as she saw the other woman was about to refuse a second time. Not his room number, just if he’s staying here.’

‘I certainly wouldn’t give you the room number of any guest!’ Diane was indignant at the suggestion. ‘Although I don’t suppose it would hurt to tell you we

don’t have a Mr Buchanan registered,’ she added grudgingly.

‘Thank you,’ Cynara said tightly, her relief immense. Seeing Michael again after all this time had unnerved her, but having to see Zack again would do more than that! ‘Shouldn’t you go and get dressed?’ the other woman scorned. ‘I’m sure Daniel wouldn’t approve of a member of the staff, however temporary, walking about the hotel in that state of undress. Even if you are supposed to be a star!’ Her disparaging gaze ran over Cynara. Cynara ignored the biting sarcasm, knowing a star was far from what she was. Not that this hotel didn’t provide its guests with first-rate performers, but she was just another highly talented performer in an overpopulated profession, had never received that ‘big break’ that would make her into a household name. And she doubted Daniel Pope would mind in the least that she had just come from her swim. Diane may be the woman the hotel manager saw on a regular basis, but it certainly didn’t prevent him having a roving eye, his advances to her this last week more than obvious. But she didn’t have time for such relationships, or men that would bring the complication of another woman with them—she had learnt her lesson about those sort of involvements the hard way. But at least she had learnt Zack wasn’t in the hotel! There could still be an embarrassing few moments if Michael should happen to have recognised her, although Joanne Buchanan could hardly make a scene about a relationship Zack had had when they were separated. From what Zack had told her about his wife she doubted Joanne was the type to make a scene in any case, Zack’s caring and respect for his wife not diminishing even after they had agreed their marriage had ended. It had been partly because of the way Zack still loved his wife that Cynara had got out of his life, that and

‘Shouldn’t you be rehearsing?’ the coldly scornful voice interrupted her thoughts. ‘After the way you performed last night I think you need it,’ Diane added bitchily. Anger flashed in her velvet brown eyes, although Cynara’s smile didn’t waver for an instant. ‘I’m sure that if the hotel management have any complaints about my performance they will tell me so,’ she was stung into retorting.

‘Daniel is the management,’ the other woman hissed. ‘And after the way you’ve been throwing yourself at him he wouldn’t dare complain about you. I’ve met your sort before,’ she went on vehemently. ‘Daniel is just too enthralled by your beauty at the moment to see that you would drop him like a hot brick if someone with better prospects came along.’ Cynara should have been used to these sort of attacks by now, but it didn’t make the vindictive words hurt any less. All women in her profession were supposed to have slept their way to where they were, and Diane was far from the first woman to make such an accusation. But not by the flicker of an eyelid did Cynara let the other woman know how much she had wounded her; that would only give Diane a satisfaction she didn’t deserve.

‘I’ll see you later, Diane,’ she said cheerfully as one of the guests came to the desk for attention. She knew Diane’s feeling towards her was completely illogical; she hadn’t encouraged Daniel Pope in any way. But Diane was so uncertain of her own relationship with the man that she suspected every woman he came into contact with, including those that weren’t interested. . Seeing Michael so unexpectedly had unnerved Cynara more than she had realised, and she knew that the rehearsals that morning weren’t going well, her thoughts elsewhere, five years back, in fact. She had been twenty-one then to Zack’s thirty-three, her eyes not quite open to the harshness and

cruelty of the world, although she had had some experience of it. Her broken relationship with Zack had shown her once and for all that she had little to offer a man.

‘Do you want to stop for an early lunch?’ Sean, the piano-player in the residential four-piece backing group asked kindly. ‘You seem a bit off-colour this morning.’

‘Off-key, you mean,’ she corrected ruefully, her long hair secured at her nape, the trousers and loose top she was wearing her usual attire for rehearsals. ‘There’s no need to be kind, Sean, I’m lousy this morning, and I know it.’

‘That’s being too hard on yourself,’ he sympathised. ‘Your mind just isn’t on it today. Let’s all go eat, hm?’ He stood up, in his early forties, as all the group were. ‘You go on without me,’ she sat down wearily on the stage. ‘I need to cool off first.’ She eased the damp hair off her nape, evidence that she had been working hard, even if it hadn’t been up to standard, her blouse also clinging damply to her back. She was twenty-six now, had been singing professionally for eight years, and it certainly didn’t get any easier! ‘Like to join me for lunch in the coffee-shop?’ She looked round gratefully at the sound of that cheerful voice, the mutual dislike between Diane and herself not true of one of the hotel’s other receptionists, Josie Adams. She and Josie had become friends almost instantly, often sharing their breaks together. Josie frowned as she came further into the large table-filled lounge. The room would be a hive of activity later this evening when Cynara did her show, all of the tables filled, the bar packed too, although right now the place was hollowly empty, the heels of Josie’s sandals echoing loudly as she came over to the slightly raised stage. ‘Everything all right, love?’ she asked gently.

‘Of course,’ Cynara gave a bright smile, shaking off the feeling of tiredness. ‘And lunch sounds good.’

‘It won’t do much for my figure,’ the other woman grimaced as they walked to the hotel’s coffeeshop, preferring its informality this time of day to the more formal atmosphere of the hotel’s other three restaurants. ‘But I need the energy before I start work.’

‘You go on at one?’ ‘Mm,’ Josie nodded as they sat down at the vacant table in the corner of the brightly attractive room. ‘And from what I can tell the place is in chaos today.’ Her eyes widened. From what she had seen of the hotel, other than Diane’s normal bitchiness, everything was running as smoothly as it usually was. ‘It seems okay to me,’ she shrugged. Josie shook her head. ‘Have you seen Daniel this morning?’ They both ordered a salad, and while they did so Cynara thought about the question. No, she couldn’t say she had seen the manager today, and that was unusual. Daniel was good at his job, really took care of the guests’ comfort, was always in attendance to see to their slightest whim. His Assistant Manager was noticeably absent too.

‘He and Mark are upstairs in the penthouse suite,’ Josie told her as they waited for their meal to be served. ‘With the owner of the hotel. He arrived late last night, unexpectedly, and now he wants a full report.’ Cynara knew that the London Excellence hotel was one of a huge chain of hotels all over the

world. She had been contracted to work a month in each of the six largest ones and, although this was the first she had worked in, she knew it was run as well as its name implied. ‘I doubt Daniel will have much trouble with that, he’s very good at his job.’

‘And Mr Buchanan expects the best,’ Josie grimaced. ‘I don’t suppose you can blame him. He —’ ‘Buchanan?’ Cynara echoed sharply, sure that she must have paled. It was too much of a coincidence! ‘Do you mean Zack Buchanan?’ she asked dully, knowing it could be no other man, not when she had actually seen Michael, his son.

‘That’s right,’ the other woman confirmed. ‘He owns all the Excellence hotels. Hey, are you all right?’ She frowned as she noticed how pale Cynara had gone. Cynara managed a wan smile. ‘I skipped breakfast, I think I just need my lunch.’

‘Sure?’ ‘Of course,’ she dismissed lightly. ‘Tell me more about Zack Buchanan.’ ‘Not much to tell,’ Josie shrugged. ‘Not much that I know, anyway,’ she added ruefully. ‘His father used to run things until four or five years ago, and he was even more of a tyrant than his son. At least Zack Buchanan only appears every six months or so and shakes the place up; his father had agents who came here posing as guests and then reported back to him.’ That sounded like the Nicholas Buchanan she had known, and Zack still sounded as if he preferred things to be straightforward and honest. Father and son were complete opposites. Diane had lied to her about Zack staying here, and for that she could cheerfully have slapped her. She could have met Zack any time this morning without warning. It must be Zack’s turn to have Michael after all, although Michael’s lonely state this morning, and Josie’s comment that Zack was working with Daniel this morning, seemed to imply that he wasn’t able to give too much time to his son.

‘Zack Buchanan has to be the man they had in mind when tall, dark and handsome was quipped,’ Josie continued. ‘He’s all of those things. And more.’ Cynara waited until their meal had been served before prompting. ‘More what?’ Josie shrugged. ‘He’s cold, unapproachable. The only thing he seems to care about is his family. With his looks and wealth he should have a woman in every town.’

‘And?’ She nibbled uninterestedly on her salad. ‘Not a single woman, in any town. Unless he’s very discreet,’ Josie frowned. ‘Although some­ thing like that would be hard to keep secret in a place like this.’

‘I’ve noticed!’ she teased. Just because I made a mistake about your relationship with your agent ...’ Josie grimaced.

‘And proceeded to go out with him yourself when you knew we were just friends,’ she taunted. ‘Rod’s okay,’ the other woman blushed. ‘A bit older than I’m used to, but I like him.’ ‘He likes you too.’ She smiled at the thought of the romance that had blossomed the last week between her two friends.

Th e co nvers ation w as clearl y off Zack Buchanan as their meal progressed, and Cynara slowly relaxed. Although each time someone came into the coffee-shop she tensed. She wasn’t ready to meet Zack again yet, her hair untidy, her make-up far from perfect, her clothes creased from her morning’s exertion. Nevertheless, she couldn’t just ignore Michael as he stood uncertainly in the doorway, looking anxiously around the room for somewhere to sit down. Cynara and Josie had finished their lunch, were lingering over coffee, almost ready to leave really, and yet there was something vaguely vulnerable about that too-thin young boy with the familiar green eyes, something she just couldn’t pretend not to have noticed.

‘I see a friend,’ she murmured to Josie, slowly standing up, knowing Josie’s eyes widened as she saw the identity of that ‘friend’. ‘I won’t be a minute,’ she said vaguely, hurrying over to Michael before she changed her mind. ‘Hello,’ she greeted almost nervously as she stood in front of the frowning boy. Michael seemed disturbed by her approach, looking about him self-consciously, his hands thrust into the back pockets of his denims. ‘Hello,’ he finally returned defiantly, almost aggressively.

‘Would you like to join a friend and me for lunch?’ she offered lightly, wishing now that she had just minded her own business and left him to his own devices; he obviously didn’t welcome her attention. ‘There’s a vacant seat at our table.’ In fact the coffee-shop had filled up in the last half an hour, and the spare seat at the table she and Josie shared was one of the few remaining. He glanced over to where Josie was watching them curiously, shaking his head. ‘I wouldn’t want to intrude.’

‘You wouldn’t be,’ she assured him, still uncertain about whether or not he remembered her specifically; he was at an age when he would feel aggressively embarrassed about any woman approaching him. ‘But you’ve almost finished,’ he shrugged dismissively. ‘I’d love another cup of coffee while you eat.’ She smiled encouragingly. He seemed to hesitate, and then he nodded. ‘Just while you have another cup of coffee,’ he agreed grudgingly. Cynara held back her smile as he made it sound as if he were doing her a favour. She could see Josie was a little disconcerted to have her employer’s son join them for lunch, and Cynara’s smile pleaded for the other woman’s understanding.

‘Hello, Michael,’ Josie greeted calmly as he sat down with them. ‘The chicken is good,’ she encouraged in a friendly tone. He looked at her coolly. ‘I dislike chicken.’ Josie gave Cynara a look that seemed to say ‘oh well, I tried,’ before making her excuses to leave. ‘I have to get to work,’ she stood up. ‘I hope you enjoy your lunch, Michael,’ she added good-naturedly.

‘Thank you,’ he muttered. Josie gave Cynara another shrug before going to join Diane at the main desk, obviously relieved to leave Cynara to it. Michael ordered his meal with the air of a boy used to doing so, his tone dismissive. ‘I saw your photograph on the billboard outside the lounge,’ he met Cynara’s gaze coolly. ‘I recognised you

instantly.’

‘I see,’ she nodded, not knowing what else to say. ‘Did my father know you would be here?’ Cynara flushed. ‘I wouldn’t know.’ This was the first time she had ever been cross-examined by a ten-year-old—even if that ten-year-old were bordering on thirty!

‘You mean you haven’t spoken to him yet?’ Michael scorned disbelievingly. ‘No,’ her reply was sharp. His expression was sceptical. ‘I find that hard to believe.’

‘Michael—’ ‘Are you and my father having an affair?’ Cynara gasped her surprise at such a question being asked by this young boy. ‘No,’ she answered tautly.

‘Why not?’ he frowned. ‘You had an affair with him before, didn’t you?’ ‘Michael—-’ ‘I know you did, because he asked my mother for a divorce because of you.’ ‘Michael, no! That isn’t—’ ‘Grandfather told me all about you.’ The green eyes were as glacial as his father’s could be. Cynara frowned. ‘And just exactly what did he tell you?’ she asked tightly, shocked and dismayed that Nicholas Buchanan had disliked her so much he had relayed his resentment to this young boy.

‘Does it matter?’ Michael dismissed. ‘The fact that you’re here now is enough.’ ‘What do you mean?’ Dark brows met over puzzled velvet brown eyes. ‘Don’t tell me you didn’t know of Grandfather’s death,’ he scorned. ‘Or the fact that the whole Buchanan empire is now my father’s.’ Cynara had gone very pale. Once she realised Michael was well aware of who she was she hadn’t expected politeness, but this ! Just exactly what had Nicholas Buchanan told his grandson about her?

‘Your father was always a rich man,’ she dismissed with a casualness she was far from feeling.

‘Not rich enough for you then apparently,’ Michael said contemptuously. ‘But he has it all now.’ ‘Not all, Michael.’ She looked at him glacially. ‘He obviously has a son who possesses no manners whatsoever, a stupid little boy who has no idea what he’s talking about!’ She spoke to wound because she had been hurt herself, and she knew she had succeeded in humiliating him when she saw the pained colour stain the young boy’s cheeks. He stood up noisily. ‘I know exactly what you are,’ he told her insultingly, his voice raised. ‘You’re no good, and—and if you ever come near my father again I’ll kill you!’ He turned and

almost ran from the room, hoping she wouldn’t see the tears in his eyes. Cynara swallowed hard, uncomfortably aware that she was the cynosure of all eyes, looking up with a shrug that seemed to say ‘kids!’ Michael was frightened, she realised that, knew that he was warning her off his father because he feared her past involvement with him. He needn’t have worried, Zack would probably cut her dead if they did happen to meet while he was staying here, had no reason to want to ever see her again, a fact he had made more than plain the last time they had spoken. She didn’t leave the coffee-shop straight away, refused to look guilty, ordering herself another coffee when she explained to the waitress that Michael had changed his mind about the hamburger. She didn’t usually take so much caffeine into her system in the morning, and liked to rest in the afternoon for the evening’s show, but after meeting Michael, knowing that Zack was staying at the hotel, she doubted she would be able to rest anyway. When she finally did get up to leave she knew it was with the intention of not letting Diane James think she could make a fool out of her just because her boyfriend had a roving eye! She marched over to the reception. ‘You lied to me about Zack Buchanan,’ she snapped. Blonde brows arched haughtily. ‘I did no such thing,’ Diane drawled.

‘You told me he wasn’t staying here,’ she reminded accusingly. ‘I said he wasn’t registered,’ the other woman said coldly. ‘And he isn’t. Neither Mr Buchanan nor his children ever register,’ she announced triumphantly. Cynara felt the colour drain from her face. ‘Ch-children?’ she repeated dazedly; Michael had been an only child when she knew Zack five years ago!

‘His son and daughter,’ Diane nodded coldly. ‘Er—’ She moistened suddenly dry lips. ‘How old is his daughter?’ ‘How would I know?’ Diane dismissed uninterestedly. ‘All young children look the same to me.’ ‘Kelly is about three,’ Josie rushed over to tell her, frowning at how pale Cynara was. ‘Is there anything wrong?’ she asked anxiously.

‘Er—no,’ she recovered with an effort from the shock of knowing Zack had another child. ‘I didn’t realise Zack—Mr Buchanan, had—had remarried.’ God, she had to pull herself together, she was making an idiot of herself. Wh y shouldn’t Zack have remarried after his divorce from Joanne, have had other children. She had made it plain she wanted no part of his life.

‘He hasn’t,’ Josie still frowned. She moistened her lips again. ‘Kelly is Joanne’s child?’ she croaked, wondering if the shock could be making her voice fade in this way.

‘If that was his wife’s name, yes,’ Josie looked puzzled. ‘Look, are you sure you’re okay?’ ‘Can’t you see she isn’t,’ Diane scorned. ‘Mr Buchanan is probably another one of those men that belong to another woman who Cynara’s been involved with.’

‘Shut up,’ Josie turned on her angrily. ‘But can’t you see it’s true,’ Diane derided with contempt. ‘Well his wife is dead now, Cynara, so why don’t you have another shot at him?’ she added insultingly.

‘Diane, if you don’t shut up I’ll find a way to make you,’ Josie warned softly. Diane flushed. ‘I was only assuring her that Mr Buchanan is a free man now.’ It was true that Zack had still been married to Joanne when they had met and fallen in love five years ago, but she had been sure they were divorcing each other, that their marriage had broken down completely. But if Kelly were three that meant Zack must have returned to Joanne shortly after their own heated separation. And they had another child to cement their love.

‘It’s all right, Josie,’ she told the other woman dully as she would once again have defended her. ‘Diane is a bitch—’ ‘Just who do you think you’re calling a bitch?’ Diane snapped indignantly. ‘You!’ Josie told her without remorse. ‘Can’t you see how upset Cynara is?’ ‘I can see that one of her past indiscretions has caught up with her,’ the other woman said contemptuously. ‘And about time too. She can’t go around chasing other women’s men —’ ‘If you’re talking about Daniel,’ Josie cut in insultingly, ‘then let me tell you he’s the one who does the chasing! I was black and blue my first week here from trying to avoid his advances!’

‘How dare you! You—’ ‘Oh,shut up, Diane,’ she was told impatiently, Josie coming out from behind the desk to put her arm comfortingly about Cynara’s shoulders. ‘Come on, love, I’ll take you up to your room.’ Cynara gave a wan smile as she and Josie went up to the room that had been allocated to her for the month of her contract at this hotel. ‘She’ll never forgive you,’ she grimaced. Josie gave a shrug that said she wasn’t in the least interested—or worried about Diane. ‘She’s a vindictive bitch,’ she dismissed. ‘It’s time someone put her in her place.’

‘Oh, I think you did that,’ C ynara said ruefully, unlocking her door. ‘Do you want me to come in with you?’ Josie offered sympathetically. ‘Would you mind very much if I wanted to be alone for a while?’ she asked for understanding. Josie squeezed her arm encouragingly. ‘I’m available if you ever need someone to talk to.’

‘Thank you,’ she said gratefully, going in to her room to fall despondently into an armchair, seeing nothing of the luxurious comfort of the room, only feeling the pain of knowing that the love Zack had once professed to feel for her had only been a fleeting emotion after all, that he had returned to the wife he had admitted he still loved.

CHAPTER TWO THE show wasn’t going well, and she knew it. She only hoped the audience weren’t as aware of it as she was. And it wasn’t entirely due to the disturbing news she had heard that morning. No, that was only part of it, the rest of it was the man who sat so still at the back of the crowded room, every table full in the lounge except the one he sat at, the three other chairs around the table conspicuously empty.

She hadn’t noticed him at first, had entered the stage wearing the glittering gold gown that made her hair look like flame as it swung straight down her back, had gone through the first two bouncy numbers before the steady consistency of that green gaze prickled an awareness down her spine, until she began to search for the only man who had ever been able to physically reach out and touch her across a room. She had faltered slightly in the middle of a song as she finally found him seated alone at that table at the back of the room. He had changed little, perhaps a little more grey sprinkled among the dark hair, a few more lines on his handsome face, but otherwise he was still the Zack Buchanan she had fallen in love with five years ago. Their meeting then had been very much the same as now, only that time Zack had been on a cruise with Michael, Cynara one of the people hired for the entertainment for the season of cruises. He had attended one of her shows, his penetrating gaze drawing her to him, and when he had sent her a message by one of the staff to join him after the show for a drink she had eagerly accepted. He hadn’t seemed at all like the other romeos she had encountered so far on this season of cruises, seemed reserved, withdrawn. Besides, what could he do to her on a crowded cruise-ship? He had stood up as she joined him, her face bare of stage make-up, the cream Victorian-style high-necked lace dress a perfect foil for her long gleaming hair.

‘You’re younger than I realised.’ He had frowned, obviously in his early to mid-thirties. ‘Does it matter?’ Her eyes had glowed with the anticipation of being with this handsome man. He had shrugged. ‘I’m not sure,’ he had admitted ruefully. ‘Maybe I should tell you from the beginning that my wife recently left me, I’m on board with my very confused and hurt five-yearold son and his nanny, and I’m only interested in a transient relationship at best.’

‘Whew!’ She had laughed self-consciously. ‘That’s honesty for you!’ ‘Yes.’ He had sighed. Cynara had sat forward to cover his hand with hers, a long hand, strength in the lean fingers, his whole body full of ripcord muscle that couldn’t be hidden by the elegant black evening suit. His face was startlingly attractive rather than strictly handsome, his eyes deeply green, his nose long and straight, his mouth a thin line, his jaw square and firm, power etched into every pore. And Cynara knew with shocking clarity that she wanted him!

‘Maybe we could start off as friends,’ she had suggested in her husky voice, a natural huskiness that added such quality to her voice when she sang. ‘And see what happens.’ What had happened was that she had spent every evening after her show with him, and if she didn’t happen to be working in the evening then she had dinner with him too. The days spent in rehearsals, or sunning herself on deck, understanding Zack’s need to establish a relationship with his son, the self-possessed little boy she saw him with on deck very much in need of his father’s love and reassurance. By the last night of the cruise Cynara knew that she was in love with him, that the thought of p ar tin g fr o m Zack in the morning w as a depressing one. He had respected her decision that they be friends, too much so in some ways, his good-night kisses too fleeting to be appreciated, their times on the dance floor the only real occasions when she was in his arms. But that last night she had been determined they shouldn’t part so casually. And Zack had seemed to feel the same way, moulding her body to his as they danced, her slender frame dwarfed by his six feet plus. It added to the delusion that she was a child, and that wasn’t how she wanted him to think of her. Her

suggestion of a walk in the moonlight had been made with only one idea in mind, to be in his arms, really be in his arms. It was a cool evening as they approached England, Cynara’s wrap not enough to ward off the chilling wind. Zack had felt her shiver, his arm about her waist. ‘I’d invite you back to my suite for a nightcap,’ he had told her huskily, ‘but we might disturb Michael or Ruth.’ She knew Ruth was Michael’s nanny, had seen the plump middle-aged woman at the pool with them. But it was the first indication Zack had given that he wanted to be completely alone with her, and she didn’t intend to let it pass them by. ‘My room is small,’ she had told him. ‘But we wouldn’t be disturbed there.’ Zack had looked at her searchingly for several minutes, and whatever he had seen in her candid brown eyes had made him nod his agreement, allowing her to take him by the hand and lead the way to her room. She had been a bit cramped for space with all her stage costumes as well as her normal clothes, and yet she had made the room comfortable, personalised, and had sensed Zack’s approval as he turned back to her after looking around the room, chuckling as something behind her had caught his attention. He had walked across the room to pick up the battered doll that sat on her dressing-table. ‘Now I know how young you are,’ he had mocked.

‘What you see here is all I have,’ she had told him quietly. ‘I have no permanent home, my venues are too varied for that, and so my home travels with me, such as it is. The doll is one that my mother gave me when I was a child.’ She had told him of her parents death when she was young, of being brought up in an orphanage, knew of his own privileged background, silently pleading for him to understand the way she clung to that tattered doll. ‘I’m sorry, Cynara.’ He had put the doll down, holding out his arms to her, resting his head on top of hers when she flew into them. ‘I’m really not worried about a nightcap.’ He had moved back to look at her with darkened green eyes. ‘Are you?’ She had known what he had really been asking, Bazaar, had been enthralled with the exotic jewellery displayed in so many of the windows, coming back from her trip exhausted. She hadn’t taken any notice of the envelope slipped under her door at first, was too used to these ship’s memorandum being delivered in this way, throwing off her shoes to collapse back on the bed. Finally she pulled herself up, picking up the envelope, ripping it open half-heartedly. The message had been short and brief, ‘Call me. Zack.’ And at the bottom of the page had been a telephone number. She had paced her cabin frustratedly until they were underway again and the ship’s telephones were back in use, unable to make calls while they were docked. I’ll be waiting, Zack had told her. And he had been. She was under no illusions of them becoming friends this time, knew it was the one thing they could never be. The cold contempt in Zack’s eyes as he continued to watch her seemed to say he had lived through the same memories—and came to the same conclusions. But five years hadn’t changed the shock of awareness she felt at seeing him again, the need she felt to be in his arms. Suddenly, she knew she had only been half alive the last five years, that her heart

still belonged to this man. How could she have been completely alive with no heart, she thought hysterically. The rest of her early evening show passed in a blur for her, singing automatically. It had all become mainly routine for her the last few years, but she usually enjoyed herself; tonight the show couldn’t be over soon enough for her, needing to get away from the steady contempt in narrowed green eyes as her voice slowly deteroriated. She was aware of Zack’s every move. He didn’t speak to anyone, his glass automatically replaced as soon as it was empty, and his gaze never left her. She was a nervous wreck by the time she stepped gratefully off the stage and out of the spotlights, not sure if she could go back on in an hour and do another show, shutting herself in the privacy of her dressing-room.

‘What’s wrong, Cyn?’ She looked up wearily as Rod, her agent, came in unannounced. ‘Don’t call me that,’ she snapped automatically. ‘What are you doing here?’ she frowned.

‘Josie told me you didn’t seem quite yourself today.’ He shrugged, a tall blond-haired man, with a face and physique that should have taken him into films, but he preferred to be the man behind the stars rather than become one himself. ‘So I thought I’d come and see for myself.’ Josie followed him into the room, grimacing. ‘Sorry,’ she asked for forgiveness. Cynara gave her a tired smile. ‘It’s a good thing I love you both so much.’

‘What’s happening out there, Cyn?’ Rod wasn’t at all daunted by her show of temper earlier at his shortened version of her name. Not a lot, couldn’t you hear that for yourself?’ she sighed shakily.

‘You weren’t your usual effervescent self—’ ‘I was awful,’ she put in flatly. ‘And everyone knows it.’ Including the man with the contemp­ tuous green eyes! ‘Hey, you’re a professional,’ Rod comforted. ‘You don’t give bad performances, just ones that weren’t as good as they could have been. Besides, half those people out there wouldn’t know talent if they heard it.’ Her vividly painted red mouth quirked into a smile. ‘I think I may have just been insulted,’ she mocked. Rod made an impatient movement. ‘You haven’t had a break in years,’ he defended, frowning as he realised the truth of that. Five years. Oh she had had the odd day or few days when she was ‘resting’, but they hadn’t been made through choice. When she stopped this mad merry-go-round of shows she had too much time to think, to dwell on the man she loved and who now hated her with a vengeance. The fact that she had meant him to hate her didn’t help the feeling of desolation when she knew that he did.

‘My life is one bit holiday,’ she dismissed briskly. ‘I was in Germany last month, Las Vegas the month before that. I’m always in one glamorous locale or another.’

‘Working,’ Rod put in firmly. ‘It’s what I do best,’ she shrugged.

‘It’s what you do, period,’ he frowned. ‘Maybe I should have insisted you take a break—’ ‘You happen to be my agent, Rod,’ she scorned. ‘Not my manager!’ ‘You need managing—’ ‘Rod, I have only forty minutes before my next show, I’d like to shower, change, possibly have some dinner,’ she told him pointedly. ‘You’re going back on?’ ‘Of course,’ she dismissed. ‘The gruffness will have gone by then. Besides, I’m a professional,’ she reminded dryly. Rod pulled a face. ‘You certainly are. Okay,’ hesaghed. ‘But if you change your mind about taking a break just let me know and we’ll arrange it.’

‘I won’t,’ she told him abruptly, knowing that she would fall apart if she ever sat back and thought about the next thirty to forty years without Zack. She lived her life day by day, never thought of tomorrow; it was the only way she could go on. She ordered a sandwich to be sent to her dressing-room, securing her hair out of the way of the shower as she moved to stand beneath it’s soothing spray. Would Zack have left by the time she went out for her late-night show? Why was he there at all? Curiosity, perhaps. Maybe he wanted to see if she had changed at all. Had she? No, she didn’t think so. Her gleaming red hair had always been this length, the image of beauty she could attain with the expert application of make-up showed her that her face had changed little either. Maybe she was a little thinner, but that only threw into prominence the classical lines of her bone-structure, made her wrists and hands seem delicately beautiful, the figure-hugging gowns she wore on stage showing she didn’t possess an ounce of excess weight. No, on the outside she was still very much the same, it was on the inside that she felt nothing, not allowing pain or pleasure to colour her controlled existence, not daring to in case she fell apart.

‘Leave it on the table,’ she instructed the waiter as she heard him bring in her sandwich, wrapping a towel about her as she heard the door close behind him, intent on fastening it at her breasts as she re-entered the room. ‘Leave what on the table?’ Her head went back sharply at the sound of that voice, looking straight into Zack’s scornful green eyes. She felt all the colour drain from her face.

‘The days when I would bring you a gift after one of your shows are long gone,’ he drawled hardly, his gaze raking over her critically. She seemed to have stopped breathing, as affected by the deep timbre of his voice as she always had been, pain tightening her chest as she saw the contempt for her in his face. He looked impressive in the black evening suit and white silk shirt, his skin tanned a deep brown, as if he had recently been on holiday. Maybe he had taken his yacht ‘Joanne’ to the Greek islands as he liked to do in the spring. Maybe he had even renamed the yacht for his daughter .. . She ignored the taunt he had made about bringing her gifts; she had returned every one of those expensive baubles when she walked out of his life. ‘I thought you were the waiter with my dinner,’ she explained stiffly. ‘Would you mind waiting while I go and dress?’ She picked up the black gown she was to wear for her second show. ‘I won’t be long.’

‘Why not dress in here?’ He lowered his long length into an armchair, taking out a lighter to put the flame to the cigarette he had just taken from his gold case.

‘I thought you had given up smoking,’ Cynara said without thinking, blushing as he looked at her coldly, dark brows raised at her audacity. ‘I started again,’ he said abruptly. ‘I said why not dress in here, we always used to talk while you changed between shows.’ The blush deepened in her cheeks. ‘We used to do a lot of things we no longer do,’ she mumbled.

‘I want to talk to you,’ Zack bit out hardly. ‘And I don’t intend waiting.’ Anger flared briefly in her eyes, and then it faded. Zack had a right to be angry with her, he had asked her to be his wife and she had refused him in the most humiliating way possible. She had hurt him very badly, and it was obvious, even though he had been reconciled with Joanne, that he hadn’t forgiven her for it.

‘I’m afraid you’ll have to,’ she told him calmly, having no intention of dressing in front of him. ‘Or not talk to me at all.’ His mouth tightened ominously as he met the stubborn challenge in her eyes. ‘Go and dress,’ he finally instructed. ‘But I don’t intend waiting longer than five minutes,’ he warned. It took her almost that amount of time to stop trembling long enough to zip up her dress. Even though she knew Zack owned the hotel, was actually staying here at the moment, had been conscious of his stare all during her show, she hadn’t imagined he would come to her dressing-room like this; the last time they had spoken he had made it plain they had nothing more to say to each other. But she knew the coldly controlled man he had become wouldn’t allow her a second over the five minutes he had allowed her, quickly reapplying her make-up and brushing her hair. The sparkle that had always been present in her eyes in the past was noticeably absent, but that couldn’t be helped.

‘The waiter delivered your dinner,’ Zack told her coldly once she rejoined him, looking disgustedly at the chicken sandwich. ‘I won’t take it off your fee if you order dinner over five pounds,’ he drawled scornfully. She shrugged. ‘The sandwich will do just fine.’

‘If you say so.’ He gave a dismissive grimace. ‘I believe you had lunch with my son Michael today.’ His eyes narrowed questioningly. She sighed, wondering what Michael had told his father about the meeting; nothing good if his angry exit from the coffee-shop were anything to go by. ‘I wouldn’t exactly say that,’ she drawled. ‘I had already finished my meal when he joined me, and he left before he had time to eat his.’

‘Just what exactly did you tell my son about us, Cynara?’ Zack rasped. Her eyes widened at his accusing tone. ‘I didn’t tell him anything—’

‘You can’t tell me he already knew about our affair,’ Zack sat forward tensely. ‘Your father—’ ‘Would hardly tell a child of his father’s indiscretions,’ he denied harshly. ‘According to you my father is responsible for most of the world’s sins,’ he bit out coldly. ‘You always were paranoid

about him!’

‘Paranoid!’ she gasped indignantly. ‘Yes!’ His eyes glittered angrily. ‘Damn it, the man’s been dead for six months, at least let him lay in peace.’

‘Why should I, he didn’t let me live in peace!’ she flared. ‘And he did tell Michael that we were once lovers! Your son blandly sat across the table from me at lunchtime and said as much.’

‘I don’t believe you.’ ‘Then what do you believe?’ she demanded furiously. ‘That I would boast to a ten-year-old boy of how I once went to bed with his father? Credit me with a little more compassion than that, Zack. Especially as you returned to his mother after me.’ His head snapped back. ‘What?’

‘Congratulations on your daughter, Zack.’ Her voice was brittle. ‘If she looks anything like her mother I’m sure she’s beautiful.’ She had seen a picture of Joanne once, a beautiful blonde woman, with kind blue eyes.

‘Kelly is exactly like Joanne,’ he told her abruptly, seeming lost in thought. She would have liked to have said how sorry she was about Joanne’s death, but perhaps in the circumstances it would be in bad taste. ‘What did Michael tell you about our meeting?’ Zack’s mouth tightened as he stubbed out another cigarette, the ashtray fast filling up. ‘I’d rather not discuss it—’

‘You can’t come in here breathing fire and throwing out accusations without giving me a chance to defend myself,’ she snapped. ‘I have a right to know what Michael told you—or perhaps I should just go and ask him myself?’ ‘That might be a little difficult,’ Zack lit up another cigarette. ‘Why might it? And will you please stop smoking?’ She frowned at his fourth cigarette in twenty minutes. His mouth twisted. ‘You always were a little nag about that.’ But he stubbed out the cigarette after smoking only a quarter of it.

‘I wasn’t a nag, I just thought it a rather stupid way to kill oneself. But my concern this time was all for myself, the smoke doesn’t do my voice any good!’ Dark brows rose. ‘Is that your excuse for your earlier show?’ Her mouth tightened. ‘If you weren’t satisfied I’m sure my agent would be pleased to discuss the termination of my contract with you,’ she was stung into replying, well aware of how she had sounded out on stage tonight.

‘You’ll do,’ he dismissed indifferently. ‘That husky quality in your voice always was as sexy as hell. It seems a pity your career hasn’t reached the heights of stardom that you craved so much,’ he derided. ‘Why is that, Cynara?’ He raised mocking brows. She shrugged. ‘I guess I’m not good enough for the big-time.’

‘But the last I heard you were going to make it happen for you,’ he persisted challengingly.

‘Couldn’t you have brought your way to fame?’ She had known the insult was coming, had been expecting it, but that didn’t make it any easier to accept when it did come.

‘Didn’t my father pay you enough, Cynara?’ he probed hardly. She moistened dry lips. ‘I’m sure your father must have told you I didn’t cash that cheque.’ His laugh was harshly derisive. ‘I know you couldn’t cash the cheque,’ he amended with distaste. ‘My father put a stop on it as soon as you walked out the door with it clutched in your greedy little hand!’ She should have known Nicholas Buchanan would do something like that, that he wouldn’t take the risk that she just might cash his cheque! But she hadn’t even attempted to do so, by accepting it they all knew she had alienated herself from Zack’s love for good; and that was what she had wanted. It was what Nicholas Buchanan had wanted too, and as usual he had had his way.

‘Why didn’t you simply marry a man who could help your career?’ Zack continued to taunt. ‘Someone in the record business, perhaps,’ he scorned. ‘If that had been what I had wanted I could have married you!’ she snapped, her eyes flashing darkly. ‘You had enough money to buy me a recording studio!’ He looked her over with deliberate contempt. ‘I probably would have done too,’ he conceded with self-disgust. ‘I was totally infatuated with you five years ago.’ Cynara swallowed hard. ‘And I thought it was love.’

‘Perhaps it was, for a time,’ he rasped. ‘But knowing the woman you’re in love with, and who supposedly loves you, has accepted money to get out of your life has a way of souring the emotion!’ It had left him a very embittered man, she could see that. But she didn’t feel she was completely to blame for that. ‘I distinctly remember, on our first evening together, your telling me a temporary relationship was all you were interested in,’ she reminded softly.

‘I changed my mind,’ he bit out. ‘But I didn’t,’ she stated simply. ‘I didn’t want a husband, rich or otherwise.’ ‘I soon found that out!’ ‘I don’t know why you’re so bitter and twisted about it, Zack,’ she dismissed with an indifference she was far from feeling. ‘You must have been reconciled with Joanne soon after that.’ ‘Yes, I must have been, mustn’t I?’ His mouth twisted. ‘Which brings us back to Michael. From the conversation you had with him he seemed convinced it’s only a matter of time before we resume our affair.’ ‘I hope you told him how ridiculous that idea was,’ she said dryly. He fixed her with an arrogant stare. ‘I am not in the habit of discussing my private life with a tenyear-old!’ Cynara’s mouth twisted. ‘Even when that ten-year-old can seem like he’s thirty?’ He gave an acknowledging inclination of his head. ‘Michael is very mature for his age,’ he

agreed. ‘Nevertheless, I think you could have refrained from discussing our past—association, with him.’

‘I told you, he was the one who introduced the subject,’ she insisted exasperatedly. ‘And I told you I don’t believe you,’ Zack rasped. ‘Maybe I should just ask Michael to tell you the truth,’ she flared. ‘My son is in bed, asleep I hope, at ten o’clock at night,’ he said disparagingly. ‘And he and Kelly return to my mother’s house tomorrow.’ Her eyes widened. ‘They don’t live with you?’ His mouth tightened at the unspoken criticism. ‘You think dragging my children from one hotel to another would be a suitably stable life for them? he snapped. She shrugged, frowning. ‘They’re with you this time, I just assumed ...’

‘You assumed wrong,’ he bit out. ‘We are all on our way back from a holiday with Joanne’s mother in Australia, Michael will be returning to his boarding school in a week or so, and Kelly will be cared for by my mother and her nanny.’ ‘Don’t you miss them?’ The question came out before she could stop herself, biting her lip as he looked at her coldly.

‘Your concern for my children is touching, Cynara, considering you’ve been so self-centred in your career you haven’t had time to have any of your own.’ His mouth twisted contemptuously. ’But I can see you wouldn’t want to mar that beautiful body, even temporarily.’ He stood up, instantly dwarfing her. ‘I believe this conversation is over.’

‘I believe so too,’ she agreed numbly. ‘Don’t discuss our past affair with anyone else, Cynara,’ he warned softly. ‘I haven’t discussed it with anyone,’ she flared. ‘Although I would think by now that most of the staff, and quite a few of the guests, are well aware of it.’ His eyes narrowed to green slits. ‘How?’ She sighed. ‘Before Michael decided not to eat his lunch he stood up and loudly told me I was no good and not to go near his father again.’ She gave a wan smile. ‘He said he would kill me if I did.’

‘Damn,’ Zack bit out fiercely. ‘Damn, damn, damn!’ ‘I can see now where he gets his temper from,’ she softly mocked. Green eyes blazed at her. ‘I do not care to discuss the temperament of my son and myself with you,’ he bit out coldly, glancing at the plain gold watch on his wrist. ‘I believe you have another show to do,’ he reminded abruptly before leaving. It had been worse, so much worse, than she had imagined. She still loved Zack, and there could never be a future for them, never could have been and never would be. She had known that the night they met, had been grateful for Zack’s honesty about any relationship they had. It hadn’t occurred to her that the fact that they had fallen in love would change those plans. When Zack had asked her to marry him she hadn’t known what to do, or say. In the end she had had no choice, Nicholas Buchanan made sure of that.

‘We’re back on,’ Sean appeared in the doorway to tell her. ‘I like the dress,’ he leered teasingly. It was a low-cut, low-backed black dress that clung everywhere—and for all the notice Zack had taken of it she might have been wearing a sack! Had she secretly hoped he would still find her attractive, that he might even suggest resuming the affair they had once had? She knew she had hurt Zack too much in the past for him to ever forgive her. She gave a rueful look at the chicken sandwich that had curled up at the edges while she spoke to Zack, following Sean out of the room; she didn’t have the appetite for it now, even if she had had the time to eat it. The table at the back of the room had been filled with two young couples now, and a quick glance around the rest of the lounge showed her Zack wasn’t seated anywhere else either. He had seen her, made his feelings clear, and now had no reason to bother with her further. The second show was an improvement on the first. She allowed herself to relax a little now that Zack’s ominous presence was no longer in the room, and knew that the audience appreciated her performance. But by twelve o’clock, when she had finally cleaned away in her dressing-room, she felt exhausted, just wanted to fall into bed and go to sleep. But she knew she wasn’t going to, going over and over in her mind that last meeting with the triumphant Nicholas Buchanan. Thinking about it wasn’t going to change anything, she knew that, and yet the images wouldn’t be banished. Zack had invited her downto his family home for the weekend, something he had done plenty of times before. His parents seemed to accept that she had been sharing an apartment with him in London for the last three months, his gentle mother always warm and friendly, his father not openly disclaiming the affair but making it clear he thought his only child could do better than a young singer in a nightclub. On the Saturday evening she and Zack had gone to the local country club for dinner, and as they had walked outside in the moonlit garden after their meal Zack had asked her to marry him. Her stunned surprise must have shown on her face.

‘Darling, it can’t be such a shock,’ he had laughed indulgently; he had laughed a lot since they had been together, no longer the remote man she had first met. ‘It must be obvious from the way I can’t keep my hands off you, that I have to keep touching you, that I’m in love with you.’ She had blushed at the mention of the amount of time they spent in bed together, Zack liking to touch her and caress her even when they weren’t making love. Physically they had been perfect from the first, and that part of the relationship only got better. In fact, the whole relationship was absolute bliss for Cynara, the fact that Zack was still technically married to Joanne meaning there had been no pressure on her for a more permanent relationship. But in a matter of seconds Zack had changed all that, and she could feel the panic rising up inside her. ‘We’re happy as we are, Zack,’ she dismissed lightly. ‘Let’s not spoil it.’

‘Spoil it?’ the laughter slowly left his face. ‘How could being married spoil anything?’ ‘Yo u to ld me yo u didn’t w ant ano ther permanent relationship,’ she had reminded him, the smile on her lips not concealing the strain in her eyes.

‘Cynara, I love you,’ he had said impatiently. ‘I believed you loved me.’ ‘I do—’

‘Then where’s the problem?’ he had frowned. ‘People that love each other usually get married.’ ‘I—I just don’t want to—to upset things between us,’ she had been very pale in the moonlight. ‘You loved Joanne once, and look what happened to that marriage,’ she had added desperately.

‘I still love Joanne,’ he had told her softly. ‘But I don’t know that I was ever in love with her. We met when we were both at university, married because we thought we were in love and Joanne’s parents were urging her to return to Australia. By the time the first heady excitement of what we had done had died down Michael was on the way. We were lovers who, as the years passed, became friends who loved each other. When someone else came along for her about a year ago I didn’t stand in her way of happiness. She’s a wonderful woman, she deserves to be happy. But I think I deserve happiness too,’ he had told her frowningly. ‘Meeting you and falling in love with you was the last thing I had in mind when I walked on to that ship almost four months ago. But I did meet you, and I love you more than life itself. I can’t imagine ever being without you now.’ She had felt the same way, but she had known she couldn’t marry him. And if she were to make him understand that without revealing the true reason then she was going to have to hurt him. ‘Marriage is too confining, Zack,’ she had dismissed brightly. ‘I have to be free, free to do what I want.’

‘And what do you want?’ he had rasped. ‘I thought you wanted me!’ ‘I do,’ she had drawled throatily. ‘But I also want a career, to travel where that career takes me.’ ‘You can still have those things married to me,’ he had protested. ‘Zack Buchanan’s wife a singer?’ she had mocked. ‘I don’t think so, Zack. What would your friends, your family, have to say about that?’ ‘I don’t give a damn what anyone has to say.’ He had scowled. ‘I want you for my wife.’ ‘You say that now,’ she had grimaced. ‘But what about in a few years time when you do care what those friends and family have to say? What then, Zack?’

‘It won’t happen,’ he had dismissed impatiently. ‘Besides, I doubt you will want to continue with your career for ever.’

‘Why won’t I?’ she had prompted. ‘Well—I—You can’t sing for the rest of your life,’ he had protested frowningly.

‘Why can’t I?’ she had persisted softly. He had given an impatient sigh. ‘Surely one day you will just want to take things easy, settle down?’ No.’ She had shaken her head firmly. ‘That’s exactly what I don’t want.’

‘You want us to just continue with this living together arrangement?’ ‘Yes!’ ‘And if I want more than that?’ She had swallowed hard. ‘I can’t give you more than that.’ His mouth had thinned angrily. ‘Maybe you just need time to think this over,’ he had bit out.

‘After all, I’m still married to Joanne; we haven’t even discussed marriage before. You probably haven’t given it a thought.’ He had been wrong, she had thought about it, and had dismissed it, as she always must. They had driven back to his parents’ house in silence, and for the first time Cynara had been relieved that they had been given separate bedrooms, not have felt able to be near Zack that night without sobbing out the truth to him. They had parted at her bedroom door, and from the tight-lipped disappointment on Zack’s face she had known there would be no late night trip to her bedroom tonight as there had been in the past when they stayed with his parents, that Zack had been too hurt to want her tonight. She had been right, sleeping badly as she knew things were over between the two of them. He wouldn’t settle, for less than marriage now, and she would never marry him.

‘My son has gone out riding,’ Nicholas Buchanan had informed her when she had joined him at the breakfast table. ‘He seemed a little—distraught.’ ‘Really?’ She had sipped her reviving coffee, wishing Alice Buchanan were there to counteract the harsh disapproval Nicholas Buchanan had never hesitated in showing her whenever they were alone. But Alice always breakfasted in her bedroom, and so Cynara knew she would get no help from that direction. ‘Have the two of you argued?’ Nicholas had probed mercilessly. Not as tall or well-built as his son, Nicholas Buchanan had, nevertheless, exuded power of a different kind. Cynara hadn’t felt comfortable under his blue-eyed stare from the moment they had met.

‘We’ve—er—had a slight disagreement,’ she had conceded warily. ‘I’m glad to have this time alone with you.’ He had spoken softly, with all the charm of a snake. ‘I want to talk to you, about something personal.’

‘Yes?’ She had eyed him guardedly. ‘In my study,’ he had told her. ‘Where we can’t be disturbed.’ Not ‘wont’ be, but ‘can’t’ be! Cynara had felt her tension rise as she had followed him from the room. Nicholas Buchanan had never gone out of his way to talk to her before; this meeting seemed ominous.

‘Sit down,’ he had invited, moving to stand behind the imposing desk. ‘I have something I want to show you.’

‘Yes?’ She had sat down demurely, wariness in every bone of her body. Nicholas Buchanan had the look of a snake about to fatally strike his victim—and she was it! He had moved the picture on the wall behind him to one side to reveal a safe, deftly unlocking it to take out a folder. ‘Do you know what this is?’ He had turned to her Cynara had frowned. ‘Should I?’

‘Perhaps, if you had come to know me a little better.’ He had smiled without humour, sitting down behind the desk. ‘When my only son and heir brings home a cheap little singer like you and introduces her to his mother and me then I feel I have reason to try and protect him from making a fool of himself.’ Cynara had tensed at his emotionless insult, knowing there was worse to come. There was, much worse!

‘So I had you investigated—’ ‘No!’ she had gasped. ‘Yes,’ he had stated coldly. ‘This file tells me ever ything I need to know about C ynar a Williams. You see, I believe my son intends to ask you to marry him—’ ‘He already has,’ she had admitted dully, staring at the file, knowing what it would contain. ‘Last night.’ Blue eyes had narrowed glacially. ‘And your answer?’

‘I said no,’ she had said slowly. ‘But Zack didn’t accept that as your final answer.’ Nicholas Buchanan had knowledgeably guessed the reason for her hesitation.

‘No,’ she had admitted through stiff lips. He had given an inclination of his head. ‘You know what’s in this file?’ She had swallowed hard. ‘Yes.’

‘And how my son would feel about it?’ He had raised iron-grey brows. ‘Yes’ she had choked. ‘I think, for all our sakes, it would be better if you convinced Zack you really meant it when you said no. Don’t you?’ he had prompted softly.

‘I’ve tried,’ her voice had broken. ‘He—he can be very stubborn when he wants to be.’ ‘Then you must try harder, Cynara,’ he had said pleasantly. ‘Unless you would like me to introduce him to Paul Raymond.’ He smiled at her choked cry. ‘I can see you remember Paul.’ She would never forget him, had believed herself in love with him, until he had shown her that she had no future to offer any man, that no man would want her when he knew the truth about her.

‘I remember him,’ she had said dully. ‘Such a pleasant young man.’ Nicholas Buchanan had looked at her coldly. ‘He’s married with three young children now, you know.’ She had stiffened. ‘Really?’

‘Mm,’ he had nodded. ‘He showed me a photograph of his wife and family.’ ‘How nice,’ she had choked. ‘I don’t believe you’ve seen your ex-fiancé for some years, have you?’ Nicholas had prompted. ‘I’m sure you know that I haven’t seen him since the night he called off our wedding!’ she had snapped, her eyes flashing darkly as he tormented her. ‘That’s right,’ Nicholas had agreed silkily. ‘Would you like me to introduce him to Zack?’ ‘That won’t be necessary,’ she had bit out. ‘I’ll make sure Zack accepts my refusal to marry him.’ Nicholas Buchanan had shaken his head. ‘I’m afraid that won’t be enough.’ She had frowned. ‘What else do you want from me?’

‘I want you out of my son’s life completely. I know Zack,’ he had sighed. ‘As you said, he can be very stubborn. If he thinks there’s a chance, the remotest possibility, that you’ll change your mind, he’ll just keep asking.’

‘And I’ll keep saying no. Please, Mr Buchanan,’ she had sat forward, ‘don’t make me lose him until I have to.’ There had been tears in her velvet brown eyes.

‘It’s the only way, I’m afraid,’ he had said remorselessly. ‘And to make sure there’s no future reconciliation I intend to give you fifty thousand pounds—’ ‘I don’t want your money!’ she had gasped. ‘I know that,’ he had soothed. ‘But without it Zack wouldn’t believe what a little mercenary you are.’ Cynara had held back her tears with difficulty.

‘You don’t intend showing him the file?’ He had shrugged. ‘Do you want me to?’ ‘No!’ ‘Then take the money,’ Nicholas Buchanan had encouraged. ‘That way he never has to know the truth about you, does he?’ He had her beaten, and he had known it. She couldn’t bear that Zack should know the truth about her, hadn’t wanted to see the shock in his eyes quickly followed by pity, hadn’t wanted to see the love he had for her slowly die. Better to make a clean break, at least his hate for something he believed her guilty of would be an honest emotion.

‘You won’t let me continue to live with him?’ She had tried appealing to his father one more time, knowing in her heart that it was hopeless. He had shaken his head. ‘I can’t take the risk that he might one day be able to persuade you to change your mind. You just might forget to mention what this file contains.’

‘I wouldn’t do that to Zack!’ ‘No.’ His gaze had raked hardly over her pale face. ‘I don’t believe you would. Stick to singing, Cynara.’ He had taken his cheque book out of his pocket and begun to write. ‘And stay away from men like Zack.’ She had felt as if the heart were being ripped out of her as she looked down numbly at the cheque in her hand. But to have told Zack the truth would have been impossible.

‘And when you see my son,’ Nicholas Buchanan had stood up to lock the file back in the wall-safe, ‘make sure you give a convincing performance. Idon’t want there to be any doubt in his mind but that it’s all over between the two of you. Do you understand?’ he had bit out. Cynara had looked up at him with pained brown eyes. ‘Why are you doing this to me?’ she had frowned. ‘What have I ever done to hurt you?’

‘You aspired to become a member of this family, my dear,’ he had explained harshly. ‘And that I couldn’t—and won’t, allow.’ She had never wanted to be a member of this man’s family, had always known there could never be marriage between herself and Zack. But given time she could have convinced Zack of that herself, Nicholas Buchanan didn’t have to make Zack hate her completely. But she had known that was exactly what he intended him to do as Zack came into the study.

‘Remember, a convincing performance,’ he had told her softly before turning to Zack. ‘Did you enjoy your ride?’ His voice had warmed as he spoke to his son.

‘Yes,’ Zack had answered dismissively, showered and changed after his ride. ‘The two of you look very cosy.’ His eyes had been narrowed questioningly. Cynara had understood his puzzlement at finding her alone with his father like this, knowing that in the past she had always avoided such encounters.

‘Cynara and I were just conducting a little—business transaction,’ Nicholas Buchanan had drawled.

‘Oh?’ Zack’s eyes had narrowed even more as Cynara had stiffened. ‘What sort of business could you possibly have with Cynara?’ He had looked puzzled. His father had stood up. ‘I just gave her fifty thousand pounds to help further her career,’ he had told his son pleasantly. ‘She’s decided that’s infinitely more desirable than staying with you.’ He had put his hand comfortingly on Zack’s shoulder before leaving them alone together. The silence in the room after he had gone had been deafening. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to tell Zack his father had been blackmailing her, he might even have known the combination to his father’s safe so that she could have shown him the file Nicholas had on her. But to do all that she would have had to have told Zack the truth about herself, and that she hadn’t been able to do.

‘Cynara?’ he had prompted harshly, disbelief etched into his hard face. She had taken a deep breath, stood up, her smile bright as she had turned to face him, only her eyes betraying the desolation she had been trying so hard to hide from him. God, how she loved this man! ‘Zack,’ she had taunted challengingly.

‘It isn’t true, is it?’ he had demanded fiercely. ‘My father was playing some kind of sick joke!’ It had been sick, but it definitely hadn’t been a joke! ‘What part don’t you believe, Zack?’ she had mocked. ‘The bit about the money or getting out of your life?’

‘Both!’ he had said explosively. She had shrugged, holding up the cheque. ‘I couldn’t have one without the other.’ Zack had looked as if someone had punched all the breath from his body. ‘You accepted fifty thousand pounds to get out of my life?’ he had asked with controlled violence.

‘Yes,’ she had answered simply, her gaze never wavering as he had staggered as if from a blow. ‘Cynara, I can’t believe this,’ he had denied harshly. ‘You can’t mean it.’ He had been breathing hard. ‘I can do a lot with fifty thousand pounds, Zack.’ He had given a disbelieving laugh. ‘Is this what you meant last night about needing to be free?’ he had scorned. Did you plan this all along, get me to fall hopelessly in love with you, to propose, and then blackmail my father into giving you money not to accept?’ he had rasped. She had been able to see that that was how it must look in his eyes, and maybe it was better to let him believe that. ‘You have to admit that it worked,’ she had mocked.

‘I could have given you so much more than that as my wife!’ he had shouted.

‘But this way I get the money without having to take you as a husband,’ she had sneered. He had become suddenly still, all the light dying from his eyes, cynicism etched into his face. ‘Get out of here,’ he had told her coldly. ‘Go back to London, pack your things and be gone from my home before I get back. I never want to see your treacherous face again!’ Cynara had gone, her heart breaking. And it had remained broken. She hadn’t even dated another man since Zack, had given her heart to him and could never take it back. But he had made it more than obvious that no part of her interested him now.

CHAPTER THREE SHE was nervous as she prepared for the first show the next evening. She had woken hardly able to talk, calling off rehearsals that afternoon, resting in her room. Her voice seemed okay now, but she had a gruelling evening ahead of her; she just hoped she was upto it. The first person she saw when she came out on stage was Zack. He was sitting at the same table as the previous evening, in fact it was all like some macabre re-run, and she could feel the hysteria rising up within her. If her voice failed her tonight, in front of this man, she would want to die. The first numbers went well as she ignored the presence of the man at the back of the room, sitting down on a stool after the first few songs to sing a slow love song. It was the first test of her voice, and as she heard the huskiness increase she knew she wasn’t going to make it. Her panicked gaze flew to the man sitting at the back of the room. He was looking straight back at her, although he was talking to Daniel, the young manager also looking at her. Her breathing became erratic, her panic rising as she heard herself begin to falter, the audience becoming aware of her distress too now, tensing curiously as her husky voice became a croak and finally faded completely. Before she had time to realise what was happening strong fingers were leading her off the stage, the band playing softly in the background as Daniel explained to the audience she had a touch of laryngitis, that she had valiantly tried to continue with her show so that she didn’t disappoint anyone; they had heard the result of her courage. After his speech there was a spontaneous round of applause, Daniel then inviting everyone to dance to the band. Cynara turned her face into Zack’s chest, as they stood off-stage, and cried.

‘You should never have tried to go on tonight,’ he rasped angrily. She pulled herself together, pushing away from him. ‘I’m sorry,’ she spoke with an effort. ‘I didn’t mean to let you down in that way.’ His eyes darkened. ‘I’m not talking about letting me down,’ he snapped. ‘I’m talking about what you’re doing to your voice; Daniel tells me it’s been gruff all day.’

‘It’s been non-existent,’ she derided bitterly. His expression darkened at the harsh rasp of her voice. ‘You need a doctor.’ ‘No,’ she refused forcefully. ‘I just need a couple of days’ rest. Tonight has been a wash-out, and I have tomorrow evening off anyway, by Tuesday I’ll be fine again.’

‘I doubt that,’ he scorned. Her eyes flashed as she looked up at him. ‘This sort of thing is an occupational hazard for a singer.’ And this argument wasn’t helping her at all, her voice failing again. ‘I just need some rest,’ she insisted.

‘You need a doctor,’ Zack stated arrogantly. ‘Okay, I’ll see one!’ she dismissed angrily. ‘But my own, not yours!’

‘Very well.’ He gave a haughty inclination of his head. ‘See that you do.’ He turned on his heel and left her. She knew she was being a fool if she imagined his concern was for anything other than the reputation of his hotel; they promised live entertainment nightly—and the way she had performed tonight was a definite mar on that promise. Sleep didn’t ease the husky depth of her voice, although she knew that by tomorrow she would probably be all right again. But it was that probably that bothered her.

‘I heard what happened last night.’ Josie joined her as Cynara had breakfast in the coffee-shop, sitting down to have her coffee-break. ‘How are you feeling today?’ ‘How do I sound?’ Cynara grimaced as her voice went completely. ‘Rough,’ Josie conceded sympathetically. ‘What is it, laryngitis?’ ‘Something like that,’ she nodded. ‘Who told you—Diane?’ she guessed ruefully. Josie nodded. ‘According to her Daniel had to rescue you off the stage,’ she revealed dryly.

‘I’m afraid Mr Buchanan was the one who did the rescuing.’ She knew that there was no purpose in hiding Zack’s involvement in the disaster; dozens of witnesses had seen him pull her off the stage. ‘Daniel stayed behind to do the explaining,’ she added abruptly.

‘Oh dear,’ Josie frowned her concern. ‘What did Mr Buchanan say?’ ‘Not a lot.’ She shrugged off the awkwardness of the previous evening. ‘You should see a doctor.’ ‘Now he did say that.’ She gave a rueful smile. ‘And because I said I would I’ve made an appointment to see one in an hour’s time.’

‘That was quick.’ Josie’s brows rose, the waitfor doctor’s appointments—unless you were on the point of death!—notorious. Cynara flushed. ‘I have a friend in the doctor’s office,’ she dismissed. ‘Don’t tell Rod about this,’ she pleaded. ‘He’s like an old hen fussing over one of his chicks if one of his people get sick,’ she mocked. Josie laughed at the description. ‘I won’t tell him. Although from the sound of you,’ she frowned, ‘I probably won’t have to.’ She pushed her empty coffee cup across the table, standing up. ‘Have faith, Josie,’ she taunted. ‘Have faith.’ She smiled before leaving. She could feel her palms becoming damp as she waited in the doctor’s reception room. Her voice was the only thing she had left. She knew that if she could have had Zack she would gladly have

never sung another note but without him she had no other life but her career. If she lost that she would have nothing but her memories of his love.

‘Mr Hadley will see you now, Miss Williams,’ the receptionist told her smilingly. John Hadley stood up at her entrance, a small portly man with twinkling brown eyes and a warm smile. ‘Cynara, how nice to see you again.’ He shook her hand before seeing that she was seated. ‘Or is it?’ He looked at her sternly. She had been visiting this man for the last eight months, ever since her voice had begun to trouble her, and she had never been able to get over the fact that this Harley Street specialist always came over as a reproving uncle figure. ‘It is nice to see you, but as you can hear, I wish it had been under better circumstances.’ Her voice clearly told him the reason for that wish. He frowned. ‘You haven’t been resting your voice as I told you to do?’ She smiled. ‘If you remember, I told you I have a career to think of.’

‘Not for much longer by the sound of you,’ he warned sternly. She had heard the same warning for months now. ‘It’s what I do, John,’ she shrugged. ‘I can’t do anything else.’ He sighed his impatience with the same excuse he had been hearing for the same amount of months. ‘It will come to a time when you don’t have a choice,’ he told her gently, beginning his examination. ‘You’ve been straining your vocal chords for too many years, you need a nice long rest, and then maybe even an operation, and more rest.’ Her mouth twisted. ‘And I refused that millionaire’s proposal only last week!’ she derided. John didn’t return her smile. ‘It’s either rest for at least six months,’ he sat back on the edge of his desk, ‘or give up completely once your voice gives out on you.’

‘I have contracts, John, I don’t have the time or the inclination, to give up singing for six months.’

‘You really don’t have a choice, Cynara,’ he said gently. ‘A few days rest—’ ‘And maybe—just maybe, you might be able to go on for another couple of weeks,’ he conceded grimly. ‘And then you’ll be back to see me. Haven’t you noticed that your visits to me are getting closer and closer together? After I examined you the first time I didn’t see you for another two months, then it was six weeks, then amonth, and another month, and this time it’s only been three weeks!’ She knew that, knew that she should actually have been back to see him over a week ago, when her voice first began to show signs of strain again. But she couldn’t give up singing, even temporarily, knew she would go insane without her career to occupy her time.

‘I’ve noticed,’ she dismissed. ‘Now could you just give me your usual treatment so that I can get back to work?’

‘Cynara—’ ‘John, please.’ She looked at him steadily. ‘I’d die if I couldn’t sing.’

He frowned at her obvious sincerity. ‘There are other things in life, Cynara—’

‘Not for me,’ she told him firmly. ‘Don’t you have a special man in your life to tell you how stupid you’re being?’ he tutted. ‘If I had a special man in my life maybe I wouldn’t be so stupid,’ she answered abruptly. ‘Are they all blind?’ John scorned. She gave him a tight smile. ‘I’m the one that isn’t interested, John.’ His mouth tightened at her stubbornness. ‘The way your voice is at the moment you can’t make it your whole life.’

‘I already have,’ she told him quietly. He sighed. ‘There’s nothing I can do, or say, to make you see reason?’

‘No.’ By the time she left his office her voice flowed a little easier, and she knew that by tomorrow she would be singing again. But she couldn’t deny that what John had told her, repeatedly over the last eight months, did bother her. She knew the trouble she was having with her throat was getting worse, she just didn’t know what to do about it without losing her sanity. She certainly wasn’t prepared to be summoned up to the penthouse suite to see Zack when she got back from her appointment! Josie grimaced. ‘I told him you were out seeing a doctor, but he’s been calling down every five minutes for the last half an hour to see if you were back.’ She swallowed hard. ‘Did he say what he wanted?’

‘Your resignation, probably,’ Diane put in cattily as she stood a short way along the reception desk. ‘I hear you made a mess of things last night,’ she derided spitefully. ‘If you—’ ‘It’s all right, Josie.’ Cynara quietly soothed the other girl—she couldn’t talk any other way yet! ‘Diane could be right,’ she grimaced.

‘What did the doctor have to say?’ her friend asked concernedly, shooting Diane a quelling glance.

‘Just a touch of laryngitis,’ she dismissed. ‘Shouldn’t you go up and see Mr Buchanan?’ Diane put in waspishly. ‘He is your employer!’ ‘Why don’t you just mind your own business!’ Josie snapped impatiently.

‘Unless, of course, you feel your past association gives you certain privileges with him,’ Diane continued bitchily, undaunted by the putdown. ‘Not everyone sleeps their way to where they are!’ Josie scorned, leaving Diane flushed with anger as she turned away to deal with a guest. ‘You really shouldn’t, you know,’ Cynara told Josie ruefully. ‘She makes out she’s better than the rest of us,’ Josie muttered. ‘I’ve just had enough of it.’

’I can see that,’ she smiled. ‘Yes, well—’Josie gave a wry smile. ‘I shouldn’t worry about it. Diane usually bounces back bitchier than ever.’

‘Could she be?’ was Cynara’s parting shot, hearing Josie chuckle as she stepped into the lift on her way up to see Zack. Her own humour faded as soon as the doors closed behind her. Could Zack be going to ask for a termination of her contract? Maybe it would be better for everyone if he were, although it would leave her with a summer without any planned work. The six months John Hadley had said she should take off... But no, Rod could easily find her other bookings; she just couldn’t cope without working for that amount of time. Zack opened the door to her almost instantly, wearing tailored black trousers and the palest green shirt she had ever seen, making her own tight cords and silk blouse seem somewhat casual in comparison.

‘Come in,’ he instructed tersely. ‘What did the doctor have to say about your voice?’ he demanded before she was hardly inside the doorway.

‘Laryngitis,’ she gave him the same reply she had given Josie minutes earlier. ‘Is it serious?’ ‘If you want to terminate my contract—’ ‘I said, is it serious?’ he rasped. She shrugged. ‘Not usually, no.’ His eyes narrowed to green slits. ‘You’ve had this before?’ She nodded. ‘It’s quite common among singers, actors too, I believe. This is a very nice suite.’ She liked the comfortably elegant rooms, this penthouse suite more luxurious than most.

‘It’s a very nice hotel,’ she added conversationally. ‘I’m so glad you approve.’ His sarcasm was barely contained. ‘Are you going to be able to work tomorrow?’ he asked tersely. ‘Yes ...’ ‘You don’t sound too sure.’ He frowned darkly as he picked up the hesitation in her voice. ‘I’m sure,’ she said firmly, straightening. ‘I didn’t know if you were.’ ‘Your contract is signed with my management, not with me personally,’ he bit out. Zack made it sound if it were left up to him she would already have been shown the door! ‘Surely you can veto their decisions if you want to?’ she reasoned.

‘Do you want me to?’ She flushed. ‘No.’ He nodded dismissively. ‘As far as I know Daniel has no complaints. In fact,’ he said slowly, ‘He seemed a little too enthusiastic in his praise of you. Is there something going on between the two of you?’ he demanded to know.

She gave an impatient sigh, much less tolerant of his accusations than she had been of the jealous Diane’s. ‘Why don’t you ask him that?’

‘I did.’ ‘You—did?’ she gasped her indignation. ‘What did he say?’ she frowned. ‘That there wasn’t,’ he told her coldly. ‘There isn’t,’ she snapped. ‘But he would like there to be,’ Zack added challengingly. ‘Daniel’s wants don’t really interest me. You haven’t changed, have you, Zack?’ she scorned. ‘Still willing to believe the worst of me.’ His mouth twisted. ‘As I recall, you showed me the worst of you,’ he said harshly. ‘A mercenary, scheming little bitch who will do anything to get what she wants, including sleeping with a man!’ His eyes glittered angrily. She blanched at the accusation. ‘If you’re quite finished I think I’ll go to my room—’

‘I haven’t finished, Cynara!’ His voice cut into her icily. ‘I haven’t finished with you!’ He swung her round, his gaze sweeping over her contemptuously before he viciously claimed her mouth in a punishing kiss. She didn’t attempt to fight him as he poured his disgust for her into that kiss, knowing that he had waited five years to show her exactly what he thought of her, that those intervening years, his reconciliation with Joanne, his daughter Kelly’s birth, had done nothing to alleviate the burning anger he felt for what he believed to be her use of him, resorting to blackmail to extort money from his father. He was breathing hard when he finally pushed her away from him. ‘Now I’ve finished,’ he ground out dismissively, contempt in his glittering green eyes. And so was Cynara. She felt weak from the fierceness of his anger, completely drained as she quietly let herself out of the suite, Zack’s back turned rigidly towards her. There had been little real passion in the kiss, no tenderness, and yet Cynara knew she would suffer Zack’s contempt again just to be held by him, kissed by him. It was as if a protective wall had been knocked down from around her emotions, all the love she had felt for him five years ago pouring out, once again leaving her very vulnerable where he was concerned. But she couldn’t have Zack, couldn’t have any man. * * * Her voice was still gruff when she spoke, but at the short rehearsal she had taken that afternoon it had held up well. She only hoped it would continue to do so. She didn’t even need to look towards the table Zack had occupied in the past, knew he was there without looking. And yet she did glance his way as she came on to the stage, her gaze drawn to him as if by a magnet. What she saw made her blanch, the smile faltering on her lips. Zack wasn’t alone! Seated at the table with him, her face animated as she talked up at him, was a beautiful blonde-haired woman in her early thirties. She was beautiful, naturally so, from a glow that came from within her. Zack obviously hadn’t been living a lonely life since Joanne’s death. But why should she have expected him to feel the same disinterest in relationships that she did? As far as he was concerned she had betrayed him in one of the most humiliating ways possible; he couldn’t know that she had let him believe that to save him further pain and

disillusionment about her. And to save herself pain too, she admitted that. She had watched one man’s love turn to ashes before her eyes, and the love she had felt for Zack surpassed her youthful love of Paul. She couldn’t put either of them through that. She had imagined Zack with other women through the years, but while she didn’t actually have to see him with them she had been able to stand that pain, too. Her increased vulnerability towards him made it impossible for her to look his way again as she began her show. Something was different about her failing voice tonight, a pain in her throat making even swallowing difficult! She began to gasp for air, could feel her throat constricting as she did so, suddenly aware of a darkly angry man approaching the raised stage, her eyes widening with panic as Zack bore down on her. What happened next was a blur, feeling herself carried off the stage and out of the room, the stunned silence that followed Zack’s actions erupting into speculative chatter as soon as they had left the room. Zack’s expression was grim the only time she dared to look up at him, and as she was still having trouble catching her breath she tried to concentrate on that rather than his anger.

‘What’s the telephone number of your doctor?’ Zack rasped as he lay her down on the sofa in his suite.

‘Doctor?’ She blinked up at him, her breathing a little easier now. ‘The one you saw yesterday,’ he bit out impatiently, holding the telephone receiver in his hand ready to dial the number. She moistened her lips, still swallowing with difficulty. ‘He doesn’t make house calls.’ Zack’s expression darkened ominously. ‘He’ll make this one. What’s his number, Cynara!’ She gave it to him reluctantly. ‘But he won’t come here,’ she shook her head. Zack gave her an arrogant look before dialling the number of John Hadley’s Harley Street Clinic. ‘A damned answering service,’ he muttered seconds later, taking down the telephone number that was being given to him by the machine. ‘I don’t see that it could be anything but an emergency when someone rings this time of night,’ he snapped to himself.

‘Zack—’ He gave her a quelling glance as the second telephone call was obviously answered. ‘What do you mean the doctor is at the theatre?’ he rasped after several minutes. ‘You can have him paged if it’s an emergency?’ he repeated scathingly. ‘Then do so, madam,’ he bit out. ‘I have a singer here that can barely breathe, let alone sing!’ Cynara didn’t listen as he gave the woman this address. A singer. Yes, that was all she was to him now, a performer in one of his hotels who wasn’t performing up to standard.

‘Just who is John Hadley, Cynara?’ he had rung off now, watching her through narrowed eyes. She shrugged dismissively. ‘Just a doctor.’

‘The indignant lady on the telephone just now informed me that he’s a Harley Street specialist.’ Her cheeks flushed. ‘That isn’t so unusual. My voice is all I have, I naturally have it taken care of

by the best there is.’

‘Naturally,’ he drawled. ‘How could I have forgotten how important your career is to you?’ he scorned. She refused to flinch at the insult. ‘I’ll go down and wait for the doctor in my room.’

‘You aren’t going anywhere,’ Zack rasped. ‘I’m sure I’ve ruined your evening enough already,’ she insisted. ‘I mustn’t keep you from your guest any longer.’

‘Guest?’ He looked puzzled, his brow suddenly clearing. ‘Oh you mean Jenny,’ he dismissed. ‘I’m sure she must be impatient for your return.’ Cynara stood up determinedly. ‘I doubt it,’ Zack derided. ‘Women on their honeymoon don’t usually hunger for the company of another man other than their husband.’’Honeymoon?’ Cynara frowned.

‘Jenny and Nigel Banton have been honeymooning at the hotel,’ he explained dryly. ‘Jenny merely stopped by my table for a few minutes to tell me how pleasurable all the staff made their stay.’

‘Oh.’ ‘Indeed,’ he dismissed haughtily. ‘Well I—I can still wait for John down in my own room,’ she insisted. ‘There’s no need to trouble you with this any further.’

‘You’re staying right here, Cynara.’ He didn’t raise his voice, but the threat was there none the less. ‘There are a few things I want to ask the doctor,’ he added grimly.

‘Such as?’ She tried to infuse casual interest into her voice—and failed. She didn’t want Zack talking to John Hadley, knew him well enough to realise he would terminate her contract without hesitation if he knew she shouldn’t really be singing. And she no longer wanted him to do that, knew after his kiss yesterday that she wanted to continue working where there was a possibility of occasionally seeing Zack, if only from a distance.

‘Such as how long you’ve been seeing him,’ Zack rasped. ‘Such as how he could let you continue to sing when you obviously shouldn’t be.’ She stiffened. ‘No one makes those sort of decisions for me,’ she told him curtly. Green eyes narrowed. ‘Meaning the doctor has advised you not to sing?’

‘Meaning it’s none of your business,’ she flashed, standing up. ‘As your employer—’ ‘It’s still none of your business,’ she snapped. ‘If you aren’t satisfied then you ask me to leave, you don’t start telling me how to run my life!’ ‘Sit down, Cynara,’ Zack instructed coldly. ‘You aren’t leaving. God, I knew you were ambitious,’ he said disgustedly, ‘but not to the point where it’s become a sickness, when you can’t stop when you need to!’ ‘You don’t understand—’

‘I never did. I never could understand that blind ambition,’ he grated. ‘It rules your life to the exclusion of all else, rather than you ruling it.’

‘It’s all I have,’ she repeated emotionally, wishing he would just leave her alone. ‘It didn’t have to be,’ he bit out coldly. ‘That was your own decision.’ She knew he was referring to the offer of marriage he had once made to her. But it hadn’t been her decision, it was something that had already been decided for her. Her career had become a replacement for the husband and children she would never have; and yet she knew she would give it up tomorrow if she could just have Zack, the way they had been, in love and living together, with marriage not even a consideration between them. But the career that had taken on such value in her life was now all that Zack was interested in about her, too.

‘Yes, it was my own decision,’ she acknowledged flatly. ‘Any regrets, Cynara?’ he taunted. She met his gaze steadily. ‘About marriage? None,’ she answered without hesitation. Anger flared in the deep green eyes. ‘I wonder if you know how many times I fantasised about strangling you with your own hair?’ he bit out harshly. Her eyes widened at the sudden violence in him. He couldn’t know how many times she had fantasised about making a pillow for him with her hair as she used to do, how often she had thought of having it all cut off so that the fantasy stopped haunting her. But each time she had changed her mind at the last minute, loathe to deny herself even the most tortuous thoughts of him. She grimaced. ‘How many times, Zack?’ she asked softly. His face contorted. ‘More than I care to think about!’

‘Even when you were reconciled with Joanne?’ ‘There hasn’t been a day go by when I haven’t thought of you,’ he rasped. ‘Of what I would like to do to you.’

‘Revenge is a destructive emotion, Zack.’ She shivered at the vehemence in his voice. ‘Revenge,’ he repeated slowly. ‘Yes,’ he breathed softly. ‘But it can also be a very satisfying emotion.’ What she would have said to that she didn’t know, John Hadley arriving at that moment, his portly body clothed in a black evening suit, a black bow-tie at the throat of his white shirt. It reminded her that he had been out for the evening. ‘I’m sorry you’ve been disturbed in this way, John,’ she said regretfully. ‘I hope I haven’t ruined your evening for you.’ He smiled, not looking in the least put out, although he eyed the glowering man across the room with curiosity. ‘Not at all,’ he answered her. ‘I only go to the theatre to humour my wife.’ He turned to Zack. ‘You must be the gentleman that spoke to my housekeeper.’ He held out his hand in a friendly gesture.

‘Yes,’ he confirmed, shaking the doctor’s hand with a preoccupied disregard for manners. ‘I’m Zack Buchanan.’

‘Cynara’s employer,’ John nodded, beginning his examination of Cynara, frowning heavily as

he did so.

‘Yes,’ Zack acknowledged tersely. ‘And I want to know exactly what’s been happening to her voice, and what you intend doing about it!’ ‘Zack!’ she gasped. John straightened. ‘I can understand your concern, Mr Buchanan—’

‘Then kindly answer the question!’ he snapped. John was examining her in such a position that she was unable to remind Zack of exactly who he was talking to. He couldn’t talk to this talented man in this way! She conveyed her regret to John with her eyes. He smiled, understanding her concern, turning to Zack. ‘Miss Williams is my patient, Mr Buchanan.’ He didn’t raise his voice, but nevertheless he managed to convey his displeasure at Zack’s tone. ‘My examinations, and my diagnosis, are confidential. If Miss Williams chooses to tell you about her condition then that is for her alone to decide.’ Zack’s mouth tightened at the pleasantly spoken rebuke. ‘Miss Williams works for my hotel, I need to know if she’s physically capable of fulfilling her contract.’ John gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, his examination over. ‘I have to answer that one, Cynara,’ he told her softly, frowning at Zack. ‘In my opinion Miss Williams is not capable of fulfilling any singing contract, with you or anyone else.’

‘John!’ she pleaded. He looked down at her. ‘I’m sorry, my dear, but you didn’t obey my instructions and now—well, I’m afraid now you’re going to have to pay the price, whether you want to or not.’ He sighed at the necessity for it. She knew what that meant, six months’ enforced rest at least. She couldn’t cope with it!

‘What is the price?’ Zack rasped, frowning at how pale she had become. ‘I’m afraid I can’t—’ ‘Can’t tell me that,’ Zack finished tersely for the other man. ‘Can’t you see that Cynara and I are a little closer than mere employer and employee?’ he encouraged insinuatingly.

‘Zack, you can’t—’ ‘If she needs specialised treatment then I want to know about it.’ Zack cut across her outraged protest at his outright lie; they weren’t close at all! The doctor sighed, shrugging. ‘I don’t believe I’m breaking any confidences when I say the best treatment for Cynara would be at least six months’ complete rest for her voice. I want to see you tomorrow, Cynara,’ he told her firmly. ‘And in the meantime I want you to rest your voice as you’ve been instructed to. This really is the end, Cynara,’ he warned. ‘If you sing again you will do irreparable damage. Do you understand?’

‘Yes,’ she answered flatly. He nodded his satisfaction. ‘It’s been an—interesting experience, meeting yo u , M r Buchanan,’ he dryly told the other man. ‘Perhaps you could exert some of your authority into persuading Cynara to do as she’s told,’ he added mockingly.

Cynara stayed in the lounge as Zack walked with the other man to the door. How dare Zack lie about a relationship between them just to get John to tell him about her throat problem! Because they both knew it was a lie, that there could never be anything between them again. And now she had a more pressing problem on her mind. She may have behaved recklessly, ignoring John Hadley’s instructions, but tonight had frightened her more than she cared to admit. She meant it when she told him she now intended to take his advice. Although how she was going to cope with all that spare time she didn’t know. She was under no illusions about finding another jobs; she had been singing for the last eight years, she had no other qualifications. Money was no problem for her, she had plenty, hardly ever spent the money she received for her singing engagements, usually living at the venue she was appearing at. No, money was no object, it was the boredom she was afraid of, the time to think of Zack that she hadn’t allowed herself for years. Her expression cleared as she heard his return, not willing to let him see how troubled she was. ‘You really shouldn’t have spoken to John in that way,’ she reproved as he came scowlingly back into the room.

‘I wanted some answers and he wasn’t giving them,’ Zack dismissed arrogantly. ‘How long have you been seeing him?’

‘Several months,’ she shrugged. ‘And how long has he been advising you to rest your voice?’ He towered over her ominously. ‘Several months,’ she admitted dryly. ‘Then why the hell are you still working?’ Zack demanded exasperatedly. ‘I know, better than most, how important your career is to you,’ he added hardly. ‘So why did you risk damaging that?’ She drew in a harsh breath. ‘What else would I do?’ she derided. ‘Of course there’s one other profession I’m sure you think I’m very well qualified for,’ she scorned. ‘But the way I feel right now I don’t think I could be an amusing diversion for any man.’ Her mouth twisted bitterly. Zack’s gaze raked over her dispassionately. ‘ Not many men would want to be amused by you,’ he said harshly. ‘Most of them would have something much more serious in mind.’

‘Whatever,’ she said dismissively, standing up to leave, finding her path blocked. ‘You’re in my way, Zack.’ Her head went back as she stared up at him. ‘I have to pack my things,’ she told him as he didn’t move. ‘I hope you don’t mind if I wait until the morning to leave, it’s a little late to find other accommodation right now.’ ‘Where will you go?’ He was standing so close she could feel the warmth of his breath on her face. ‘I—I have friends,’ she told him huskily.

‘I’m sure you do.’ His mouth twisted. ‘Most of them male, no doubt.’ ‘About fifty-fifty,’ she challenged. ‘What happens after you’ve rested for six months?’ he asked suddenly. She sighed. ‘Possibly an operation. No, probably an operation.’ She remembered how grave John had looked when he said she would have to pay the price. ‘Then more rest,’ she said dully.

‘All that is going to cost money,’ Zack said thoughtfully.

‘Yes,’ she answered sharply. ‘Do you have that sort of money? I know your earnings are considerable, but so are your expenses. Your career certainly hasn’t been as lucrative as you must have hoped it would be!’ he added scathingly.

‘I have enough money for what I need, thank you,’ she told him distantly. Zack still looked thoughtful, crossing the room to stare out of the window for several minutes. Finally he turned. ‘I have a business proposition for you—’

‘You already know I can’t work —’ ’Not that sort of business proposition,’ he drawled. Cynara looked at him sharply, all the colour leaving her face as she saw the way he was looking back at her. ‘I wasn’t serious when I mentioned the other job I’m qualified for,’ she snapped.

‘But I am,’ Zack said softly. ‘Very serious. It’s ironic, really,’ he drawled derisively. ‘You were once paid to leave me, now I’m offering to pay you to stay with me.’ If anything Cynara paled even more. ‘I told you I have enough money ...’

‘And I don’t believe you,’ he said confidently. Cynara didn’t argue the point with him, her eyes narrowed curiously. ‘What do you mean about paying me to stay with you?’

‘It’s quite simple,’ he mused. ‘You’ll come and live with me, and I’ll pay your living expenses for however long it takes for you to sing again. I think that’s a fair deal.’ Cynara felt numb. ‘And what would you get out of it?’

‘You,’ he stated arrogantly. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Zack was actually offering to buy her body. She didn’t know why she was so surprised, Zack believed she had once taken fifty thousand pounds for exactly the same reason.

‘This time we’ll both know where we stand.’ Zack was obviously thinking the same thing. ‘There will be no pretence between us, just a straightforward enjoyment of our arrangement.’

‘I—You still want me?’ She was stunned at the idea, had thought from his contemptuous treatment of her yesterday that she disgusted him.

‘Incredible, isn’t it?’ he drawled. ‘But once I had seen you again I knew that, physically, I’ve never stopped wanting you. But I want you on my terms this time, with no misunderstanding of any emotional commitment between us. I’ll pay your living expenses, for the operation if you need one, but in return I want you, willingly, in my bed whenever I want you. That has to be understood from the onset,’ he rasped. It was a terrible deal, all one-sided if he did but know it, her own finances making it unnecessary for her to be beholden to him in that way. And yet she couldn’t turn it down. If seeing her again had shown Zack that he still wanted her it had shown her that she still loved him. He was offering her a way to be with him once again without the commitment that he had once demanded. And she couldn’t believe that this bitterly cold man was all of him, knew that somewhere the

gentle and passionate lover she had once known had to exist. She had once hurt and humiliated him, but the Zack she loved was still there, somewhere.

‘I wouldn’t have believed you had to pay a woman to share your bed,’ she taunted. ‘Unfortunately the woman I want can only be had that way,’ he told her insultingly. ‘And now that I know the rules of the game I’m willing to play. Besides, I find this business arrangement preferable to any pretended emotion, on either of our parts.’ He was making sure she knew that he could never care for her again, that his interest was purely physical this time. And yet what other arrangement could she ever accept from him? Wasn’t his contemptuous lovemaking better than nothing at all?

‘Your family,’ she said abruptly. ‘Michael doesn’t like me.’ ‘Michael won’t know about you,’ Zack dismissed coldly. ‘I don’t usually discuss business transactions with my ten-year-old son.’ She flinched at his coldness, at his complete lack of emotion. ‘You don’t intend for our affair to become public knowledge?’ she snapped. ‘Am I to be hidden away as someone you’re ashamed of wanting?’

‘You can tell who you damn well please,’ he rasped. ‘But Michael won’t know about you because I visit him at my mother’s house or at his school, he doesn’t come here.’ His eyes narrowed. ‘Why the hesitation, Cynara? You always liked sharing my bed.’ She blushed at the truth of that. But hadn’t the physical oneness they had once shared been because they loved each other? But hadn’t she known when he kissed her yesterday that she would pay any price to be with Zack again? He couldn’t possibly know she would be giving him her soul, not her body, that she was paying him the devil’s price for loving him.

‘Maybe you would like a demonstration to refresh your memory?’ He took a threatening step towards her. She swallowed hard at the glittering intent in his eyes. ‘I don’t need any free demonstrations of your prowess as a lover, Zack.’ Her head went back proudly. ‘I want to keep things strictly on a business level. When would you want me to move in with you?’ His eyes narrowed. ‘Does this mean you’re agreeing to the arrangement?’

‘It means I’m thinking about it!’ ‘This isn’t something you can think about, you either agree now or forget the whole idea,’ he bit out.

‘Why not?’ she dismissed uninterestedly. ‘It might be interesting. And why should I have to struggle through the next few months when I could be living with you in comfort?’ she derided, knowing that if he once guessed how badly she wanted to be with him he would make her life more of a misery than it already was. His mouth twisted at the response he had expected from her. ‘I knew you would see it that way. You can move into my apartment tomorrow—’

‘No, not tomorrow,’ she shook her head. ‘I have to see John Hadley, and I also have a few other loose ends to tie up before I move in with you.’

‘Such as telling the current man in your life you’ve found a richer prize?’ Zack scorned. Her breath caught in her throat at the insult. ‘Something like that,’ she agreed noncornmitally.

‘Then we’ll make it Thursday,’ he dismissed harshly. ‘You may as well stay on here until t h e n . I ’ l l s e n d a t a x i f o r yo u T h u r s d a y afternoon.’ He wasn’t even going to take her to his apartment himself! ‘I can find my own way, thank you,’ she told him abruptly. ‘Our business arrangement doesn’t begin until I enter your apartment.’

‘As you wish.’ He shrugged, confident he had her ensnared. Cynara shivered at that satisfaction; she had made a bargain with the devil himself!

CHAPTER FOUR ‘BUT who is this friend you’ll be staying with?’ Rod looked down at the piece of paper she had given him. ‘Someone not short of money by this exclusive address.’ Cynara hadn’t really had anything pressing to do today except to see John Hadley, which she had done this morning, his diagnosis confirmed. But she knew Zack’s arrogance was something she was going to have to keep in check if she were to retain her self-respect. She was moving in with him because she loved him, not because of his money, but he wouldn’t believe that even if she were stupid enough to show him the bank statements that would prove she had no money problems. He found it much easier to believe she was a mercenary, that her body was just a commodity that she used to get her what and where she wanted. And the mercenary little bitch he believed her to be would have enough self-confidence not to be intimidated by him. Much as she would have liked to move in with him today she intended starting this relationship the way she meant it to go on; with her retaining a degree of control over her life.

‘Zack is very rich,’ she answered Rod now, not intending to prevaricate about who she was living with. Tell who she pleased, Zack had said, and that was what she intended doing. ‘Zack Buchanan,’ she explained. ‘I realise who it is, Cyn,’ Rod frowned. ‘But isn’t moving in with him a bit—sudden?’ ‘I lived with him once before,’ she shrugged. ‘Several years ago.’ ‘Josie mentioned something ...’ His frown deepened. ‘I care about you, Cyn; are you sure you’re doing the right thing moving in with him?’

‘No,’ she laughed derisively. ‘But I know it’s the only thing I can do.’ ‘If it’s because of this time you have to take off—’ ‘It isn’t,’ she told him firmly. ‘Believe it or not, I love him.’ ‘I believe it,’ Rod nodded, sighing. ‘How does he feel about you?’ ‘Really, Rod,’ she taunted. ‘Telling you how I feel is one thing, discussing Zack’s feelings is another.’

‘Are you sure he has any?’ Rod probed. ‘From what I saw of him the other night at your show he’s a pretty cold sort of man. You haven’t so much as been out with a man for years, isn’t moving in with him after knowing him again for only a few days a bit drastic?’

‘I’m grateful for your concern,’ she smiled gently. ‘I really am. But it’s because of Zack that I haven’t been out with another man for years.’ She laughed as he still looked worried. ‘Come on, my temporarily redundant agent, I’ll take you out for lunch.’

‘You certainly seem happy enough,’ he remarked as he stood up to pull on his jacket. She was happy, happier than she had been in a long, long time. Zack was back in her life, and that was all that really mattered.

‘Splashing out, aren’t we?’ Rod teased as they entered the Ritz arm in arm. ‘A business lunch,’ she mocked. ‘I have to keep my agent happy until I can work again.’ It was a happy time for her; she felt completely alive for the first time in years. It wasn’t until she and Rod went out to the lounge area for coffee that she saw Zack sitting at a table near the door. He was with three other men, obviously on a business luncheon, but his green-eyed gaze bored into her as she neared their table, telling her that he had been watching her for some time. And from the thunderous expression on his face he believed Rod to be the man she was telling she had found a ‘bigger prize’! She put her arm companionably through Rod’s, smiling up at him. ‘Let’s forget about the coffee and go back to your place,’ she suggested throatily. ‘We haven’t said goodbye properly.’ Rod looked startled. ‘What—’

‘Smile,’ she encouraged through her falsely bright smile. He did so, although the puzzlement remained in his eyes until they reached the pavement outside. ‘Wasn’t that Buchanan in there?’ he frowned.

‘Yes,’ she sighed, at last releasing the tight grip she had had on his arm. ‘Then what was the siren act for?’ He looked suspicious. She shrugged. ‘Things aren’t always what they appear to be, Rod,’ she dismissed.

‘They don’t appear to be anything at the moment; I’m totally confused!’ She patted his arm comfortingly. ‘Don’t worry yourself about it,’ she advised lightly.

‘If moving in with him isn’t what you really want to do—’ ‘It’s what I want more than anything,’ she told him firmly. ‘I wouldn’t care if I never sang another note if I could just continue to stay with Zack,’ she added truthfully. Her career had never been that important to her, it had just become a replacement for what she really wanted. ‘Then that act in there wasn’t really for him?’ Rod looked more puzzled than ever. ‘Yes, it was,’ she sighed. ‘You have to try and understand, Rod, Zack is a very dominating man; I just don’t want him to dominate me!’ ‘Ah, I see.’ His brow cleared. ‘You don’t want him to be too sure of you,’ he nodded. That wasn’t quite what she had meant, but it would do if Rod accepted it. It wasn’t that she didn’t

want Zack to be sure he was the only man in her life, she just didn’t want him to realise there had be no men since him. That could make him suspicious, and if he became suspicious enough he may probe into why she had really left him five years ago. She didn’t want that, would do anything to protect her secret. She had done anything! When she had moved in with him five years ago Zack had been with her to help take her things to his home. It had been a happy occasion, with her cases left unpacked on the floor in their bedroom that first night after they had decided they couldn’t resist the temptation of the bed another minute longer. There had been a lot of laughter between them five years ago, a lot of loving, but as Cynara let herself into the apartment with the key Zack had handed her the evening before she could see there wasn’t much love or laughter in his life now. The impersonal lounge might have been a room in any first-class hotel, except that the brown-and-white colouring made it less attractive than any hotel she had ever stayed in. Everyroom showed Zack’s wealth—and a complete lack of human warmth and comfort. Once again her suitcase remained unpacked in Zack’s bedroom, but this time it was for a different reason, as she went out to provide the homely touches the apartment needed. A florists was her first call, ordering flowers for each room of the apartment, several pot plants to add the life and colour that it lacked. Next she bought gaily coloured cushions for the dark brown suite in the lounge, several for the bed too, the coverlet on that also a dark brown. She also bought a couple of big cushion chairs that moulded comfortably to your body when you flopped down on them, and several bright, if inexpensive, paintings to put on the coldly white walls. With the mere mention of Zack’s name she was able to get it all delivered that same afternoon, amazed at the transformation those few purchases made to the look and feel of the rooms. Although once she had hung the last print on the wall she began to feel apprehensive about Zack’s reaction to the changes she had wrought. Maybe he had actually liked living without those homely touches? She grimaced at the thought. She hadn’t liked it at all, and it was her home too now. Although she had a feeling Zack may not agree with that reasoning.

‘What the hell—! Have you bought out a florist’s shop?’ he rasped when he arrived home at six o’clock that evening, a large vase of pink-and-white carnations greeting him on the entrance-hall table.

‘Not quite,’ she smiled, sprawled out in one of the low cushion chairs, resting after the last two hours when she had worked to improve the comfort of the apartment. Zack’s scowl increased as he saw the cushions and the prints. ‘I can see you’ve moved in,’ he bit out contemptuously. Her smile didn’t waver. ‘Oh these things aren’t mine, I had to go out and buy them,’ she dismissed.

‘Why?’ He threw his briefcase down in an armchair, loosening his tie to pull it off altogether. Cynara grimaced. ‘Do you really need to ask that?’

‘Yes!’ She shrugged, pretending not to notice that he was stripping in front of her, the jacket and waistcoat discarded, unbuttoning his shirt now. ‘If I have to live here, Zack,’ she affected a bored voice, ‘then I think it should be with some degree of comfort.’

‘Designer furniture and originals on the walls weren’t comfortable enough for you?’ he said contemptuously.

‘Not when matched with stark white walls and not a single flower in the place,’ she acknowledged. His mouth tightened. ‘I find white walls practical, and the flowers and plants will die when I’m away on business.’ She felt a sinking sensation at the mention of the latter, although she had known it was inevitable that he travel to the other hotels he owned. ‘I’m here to water them now,’ she dismissed.

‘And when you’ve gone?’ ‘Goodness, Zack.’ She gave a mocking laugh to hide how much that thought disturbed her. ‘We could all be dead by then! I happen to like plants,’ she told him stubbornly. ‘And what do you call that thing you’re sitting on?’ ‘Comfortable,’ she answered with emphasis. He gave an impatient sigh. ‘I suppose if I said I hate it all it wouldn’t matter in the slightest to you?’

‘Don’t worry, I’ll take it all with me when I go,’ she assured him exasperatedly. ‘Zack, I’m going to be living here too, doesn’t it matter to you that I like it here?’

‘Not particularly,’ he answered with cutting bluntness. ‘I’m going through to shower before dinner,’ he told her tersely. ‘Am I to take it you didn’t confine these changes to the lounge?’ She flushed at his derision. No,’ she admitted softly. His mouth turned back with displeasure. ‘I hope you left my bedroom alone!’

‘Our bedroom,’ she corrected sharply. ‘And no, I didn’t.’ ‘Damn it,’ he rasped angrily. ‘You had no right!’ ‘If you want me to throw it all out, Zack, then I’ll do it,’ she snapped. ‘But I won’t like it.’ His mouth twisted. ‘And this displeasure will be evident in bed, I take it,’ he drawled. Cynara knew she paled. ‘You can think or say what you like about me, Zack,’ she bit out. ‘But you can’t deny that my responses to you in bed were always completely honest.’

‘Were they?’ he derided. ‘I don’t think any part of you was ever completely honest!’ She bit back the angry retort she was tempted to make. ‘Maybe not,’ she accepted flatly. ‘I’ll leave the bills on your dressing-table.’ He looked disdainful. ‘So as well as putting up with the damned things I have to pay for them too!’ Until a few seconds ago she hadn’t even thought of it. But if she were going to be a ‘kept woman’ she may as well start the way she meant to go on. ‘Yes,’ she told him dismissively. ‘Although the stereo unit for in here hasn’t been delivered yet.’

‘The what?’

‘Stereo,’ she repeated blandly. ‘And a television too. What did you do to amuse yourself here in the evenings before I arrived?’ she mocked.

‘I didn’t need amusing,’ he rasped. ‘And I’m rarely here in the evenings.’ ‘I’m looking forward to staying in,’ she said with relish. ‘I’ve so rarely had the chance to just sit and watch television, listen to records, or just read a good book in the evening.’

‘This isn’t meant to be a holiday for you, Cynara,’ he snapped. ‘But it will be,’ she said lightly. ‘And I have to do so little for my keep.’ She looked up at him challengingly. She wasn’t disappointed, his face darkening ominously. ‘Except sleep with me,’ he said harshly. ‘You consider that little exchange, do you?’

‘Why not?’ She shrugged to hide just how nervous she was about sharing a bed with him tonight. It had been too long, and she loved him too much; she just hoped she didn’t reveal how much. ‘It isn’t as if you’re a stranger, Zack,’ she mocked. ‘We’ve shared a bed before.’

‘Yes,’ he acknowledged coldly. ‘But there have been a lot of men since me, maybe you’ve forgotten how to please me.’ She had forgotten nothing about giving this man pleasure, just as she hadn’t forgotten the pleasure he gave her—she had lived it a thousand times since they parted! And how could she forget the one man who had truly been her lover, the immature fumblings she had experienced with Paul didn’t make him a lover.

‘I’m sure it will all come back to me, Zack,’ she drawled. ‘You surely aren’t suggesting we leap into bed right now to refresh my memory?’ She arched mocking brows.

‘And if I were?’ he prompted tightly, his eyes hard. ‘Then I would, of course, have to comply,’ she said in a bored voice. ‘But I felt sure you had more sophistication. Unless you’re so desperate for my body you can’t wait until later?’ She arched her brows questioningly. ‘Did you sleep with your agent this afternoon?’ Zack rasped suddenly. She was disconcerted by this rapid change of subject. ‘Rod?’ she frowned.

‘Don’t act the innocent, Cynara, you’re well aware of the fact that I saw you together lunchtime,’ he snapped. She gave an acknowledging inclination of her head, although in truth she had forgotten the incident. Zack obviously hadn’t! ‘I also remember your telling me I had to tell the current man in my life it was over between us.’ Zack’s mouth tightened. ‘And is that what you’ve been doing all afternoon?’

‘What I was doing this afternoon is none of your business,’ she dismissed. ‘Our deal started this evening.’ He stiffened as if she had struck him. ‘Is this the real Cynara Williams, the one you kept h id den f ro m me f iv e ye ars ago? ’ he said disgustedly.

‘Why, whatever do you mean?’ she taunted.

‘Then you were all sweetness and innocence,’ he scorned his contempt. ‘I told my father he was wrong about you when he tried to tell me your interest was purely mercenary.’ Cynara frowned. ‘Why should you doubt him, I had already taken the cheque.’

‘Not then,’ he dismissed scornfully. ‘My father tried to warn me before that weekend, but I didn’t want to listen. God, was I a fool!’ She turned away, not wanting him to see the pain in her eyes, hating Nicholas Buchanan more than ever at that moment. ‘Yes, weren’t you,’ she agreed brittly.

‘Forget going to bed,’ he rasped disgustedly. ‘I find the idea of making love to you just now highly repulsive!’ She shrugged. ‘In that case, I think you said something about dinner ...? Unless you’ve lost that appetite too?’ she taunted to hide the pain she was helping inflict on herself.

‘No,’ he rasped. ‘Then where are we going?’ ‘We ar en’t going an yw her e,’ he bit out forcefully. ‘We’re eating here?’ The idea didn’t appeal to her, the night already looming too closely. ‘That’s the general idea,’ he nodded. ‘Didn’t you prepare anything for our dinner?’ ‘Me ...?’ ‘Yes, you,’ he derided hardly. ‘Was I supposed to?’ she frowned. ‘Do you see anyone else here to get it?’ he mocked. ‘Don’t you have a housekeeper?’ ‘I had a woman that came in twice a week to keep the place free of dust.’ ‘Had?’ she echoed pointedly. ‘Mm,’ he looked at her mockingly. ‘I told her not to come in any more, she won’t be needed now that you’re here.’

‘You surely aren’t suggesting I clean the apartment and do the cooking?’ She sounded scandalised, although the idea didn’t sound too bad to her. She hadn’t relished the thought of a third person witnessing Zack’s contempt of her.

‘You never used to mind,’ he drawled. ‘In fact, you said you preferred it.’ ‘That was five years ago, Zack,’ she dismissed. ‘I’m afraid I don’t do floors any more.’ She affected a bored look. He looked at her coldly. ‘Then this place is going to get very dirty, and you’re going to get very short of clean, clothes,’ he taunted.

‘Really, Zack,’ she said complainingly. ‘You can’t possibly be serious about this.’ ‘I am.’ ‘Don’t you think I’ll adequately earn my keep in—other ways?’ she said throatily.

His mouth twisted. ‘If my memory serves me correctly, and I’m sure it does, than I know you will,’ he bit out. ‘But as you’re going to be here all day there’s no reason why you shouldn’t take care of the apartment and do the cooking.’

‘I thought it was only my nights you were interested in!’ ‘And now I’ve changed my mind!’ he rasped. ‘Does this mean you’re going to change the terms of our deal every time you feel like it?’ she frowned. ‘Yes!’ ‘Then I’ll have the same right,’ she warned hardly. His eyes narrowed to glittering slits. ‘What do you mean?’ he asked warily. She gave a nonchalant shrug. ‘Well the way things-are going this isn’t turning out to be such a good deal after all. If something better comes along I’ll take it.’ She may have thought she had seen Zack angry in the past, but in that moment she knew she had never touched the surface of his anger before. He went almost white with fury, his eyes glacial, his mouth tight, a pinched look to his nostrils, his hands painful on her arms as he shook her roughly. And in that moment she knew she had pushed him too far, her act too perfect, Zack’s expression promising retribution.

‘No, Zack—’ ‘Yes!’ he ground out fiercely, stilling her hands to twist them behind her back as she would have clawed him. ‘And it won’t be because I’m desperate for your body.’ He flung her to the carpeted floor at his feet before falling to his knees beside her, pinning her arms above her head with one of his hands, ripping open the buttons of her blouse to reveal her bared breasts, pulling the denims down her legs, the lace panties beneath tearing at his rough handling. ‘It will be because you need to be shown that this time around we’ll be doing things my way!’

‘No, Zack!’ She pleaded with dry sobs as he didn’t bother to undress completely himself either, thrusting into her fiercely. He was raping her! ‘Zack ...!’ she cried desperately. His face was fierce as he moved above her, her hands still secured by one of his. ‘You’ve been begging for this since the moment we met again,’ he told her crudely.

‘N o ’ ‘ Yes!’ he grated between clenched teeth, in the grip of an uncontrollable desire. ‘This is how it’s going to be, Cynara. You surely didn’t expect tenderness from me?’ he scorned the emotion. She hadn’t really known what to expect, but this—’! God, this was killing her! It wasn’t just the physical pain—although with the complete lack of preparation, and Zack being the first lover she had known since their break-up five years ago—there was enough of that! But the emotional and mental agony was even worse than that, Zack treating her as if she were just an available body he could lose himself in.

‘This is all you’ll get from me, Cynara.’ He ground his mouth down on hers, tensing suddenly, groaning low in his throat as he knew complete release. The tears were still wet on Cynara’s cheeks as he pushed up and away from her, straightening his

clothes, throwing her denims over her bare legs. She made no move to pull them on. With a disgusted look in her direction Zack strode into the bedroom. Cynara pulled herself weakly up into an armchair, her body feeling bruised and battered, her mind numb. She hadn’t known Zack was capable of such violence, still found it difficult to believe he had just possessed her with complete disregard for her feelings. She was still slumped in the chair when he came back from the bathroom several minutes later, his hair still damp from the shower he had taken, the dark evening suit and white shirt making him look ruggedly attractive. Cynara looked at him with wide eyes, clutching her denims over her body. Zack’s expression was cold. ‘I’m going out to dinner, if you want to join me you had better dress,’ he announced icily. She moistened swollen lips. ‘I—I think I’d rather stay here.’

‘You aren’t hungry?’ ‘No,’ she choked, feeling sick, wondering how he could think about food after what he had just done to her. He shrugged wide shoulders. ‘I’ll see you later then.’ Cynara still couldn’t move, even when she heard the apartment door close behind him, her emotions in a turmoil. Zack had treated her like a savage, and minutes later he had calmly left to go out to dinner, the evening clothes he wore giving him the physical cloak of a sophisticate. God, how he must hate her to have inflicted that humiliation on her, to have treated her as a mindless body without feelings and desires of her own. It was over an hour later when she finally dragged herself out of the chair and into the bedroom, climbing beneath the cool sheets of the bed to stare sightlessly up at the ceiling.

CHAPTER FIVE SHE was having such a wonderful dream that she didn’t want to wake up. Someone was holding her, the arms gentle, the flesh beneath her cheek warm and solid. And as she came through the clouds of sleep she knew who it was who held her. ‘Zack.’ She snuggled in to him.

‘Well at least you got the name right,’ he rasped harshly. With his harshness came the remembrance of the night before, Cynara pulling out of his arms to move away from him, looking at him with widely apprehensive eyes. His chest was bare, tanned and covered with dark hair, and she knew from her proximity to him seconds ago that the rest of him was as naked, their bare legs entwined until she had moved away from him, her only night attire the ripped blouse that still showed signs of his savagery, too weary to take it off before she fell asleep the night before. His mouth twisted before he pulled her back into his arms. ‘Is that any way to say good morning to your lover?’ he taunted hardly.

‘You aren’t a lover, Zack,’ She pushed him away from her, failing to make any impres­ sion against his superior strength. ‘You’re a savage!’

His teeth showed in a humourless smile. ‘I’m what a mercenary little bitch who professed to love me made me,’ he grated. ‘Now how about my good-morning kiss?’

‘No!’ she choked, trying to hold him at arms’ length, whimpering with pain as the pressure of his hands increased on her arms, giving a choked cry as he made her yield to him once more. The kiss he gave was a punishment, her already bruised and swollen lips hurting unbearably.

‘What is it?’ Zack demanded impatiently, frowning at her pain-darkened eyes. ‘What the hell !’ He threw back the bedclothes to look at her nakedness, his jaw tightening as livid bruises in the shape of his fingers could be seen on her white body. ‘Why didn’t you tell me I’d hurt you?’ He flung her away from him, getting out of bed to pull on his robe with angry movements. ‘Didn’t you know?’ she accused disbelievingly. ‘It’s usual to hurt when you rape!’ ‘I didn’t rape you, damn it!’ he thundered. ‘You threw me on the floor, ripped my clothes off, held my hands while you forced your way into my body, what would you call it?’ She blazed at his arrogance, sitting up on her knees to glare at him. His head went back haughtily. ‘We have a business arrangement.’

‘Not for rape!’ she snapped. ‘For anything I damn well want!’ he told her coldly. ‘Not with me Zack.’ She shook her head. ‘You want revenge for the past then take it with your hurtful tongue, but I won’t be put through that type of physical subjugation again!’

‘You don’t have any choice,’ he stated harshly. Her healthy bank balance said she did have a choice, but it was one she didn’t want to have to make. ‘I’ve always had a choice, Zack, most people do,’ she scorned. ‘I can either stay here—knowing there will be no more physical abuse of the sort you showed me last night—or I can walk out the door.’ She looked at him challengingly.

‘And if I tell you to walk?’ he scoffed. ‘Then I’ll walk,’ she nodded. He met the defiance in her eyes, sighing heavily. ‘Stay,’ he told her impatiently. ‘Last night was a result of too much anger suppressed for too long. It won’t happen again.’ Cynara frowned. ‘How can I be sure of that?’ His mouth twisted. ‘I want use of your body at any time I desire you; by using you the way I did last night I’ve now damaged you too much to be of any use to me this morning. You can be sure I’ll be more careful of you next time.’ No regret or apology for what he had done, just impatience that he had bruised her too much for her to satisfy him this morning! Zack had changed almost beyond recognition the last five years. She wondered if she would have enough courage to stay with him long enough to try and reach the old Zack. She was in the kitchen preparing his breakfast when he joined her after taking a shower, looking very attractive in a dark brown suit and cream shirt.

His expression was mocking as she put the plate of bacon and eggs down on the table in front of him, frowning as she turned to leave the room. ‘Aren’t you going to join me?’ She shook her head. ‘I’m not hungry.’

‘Did you eat anything last night?’ She gave a choked laugh as she recalled it was all she could do to walk at the time. ‘No.’ ‘Then you should eat now.’

‘Maybe I will eat something. Later,’ she added distantly. ‘But no with me, hm?’ he derided. ‘No, not with you,’ she told him truthfully, the thought of acting ‘civilised’ with him after what he had done to her totally unacceptable to her just yet. ‘But we do have a business arrangement, and I mean to see that I keep to my part of it.’ ‘You’re agreeing to do the cooking and cleaning now?’ he scorned. ‘I thought you didn’t "do" floors!’ She looked at him coldly. ‘I’ll keep to my part of the arrangement,’ she repeated flatly, leaving him to eat his meal. She was in the shower when she heard him leave, at last allowing her tears to mingle with the water. She had shown him the Cynara Williams he believed her to be, and for her sins she had known his brutality. It was a savagery she knew she could never suffer through again and remain silent. But she couldn’t leave him either, no matter what she had threatened; she still loved him too much. But if her defiance and sarcasm could make him s o angr y he raped her s he co u ld n ’t continue to act in that way. She would have to take this time with him as herself, even if it meant suffering his anger and scorn with her defences down. As long as he never realised she loved him she would still be safe from his ultimate cruelty. The first thing she did after she had dressed was return his home to its original starkness, sending back the pictures and cushions, sending the flowers to a local hospital for distribution, cancelling the order of the television and stereo. She paid for the flowers herself, returning the other receipts with the articles. Now the apartment was once again as cold and emotionless as its owner. It was also unbearably oppressive, and after tidying the kitchen and bedroom to their previous neatness she pulled on a jacket and went out, meeting Josie at the hotel for lunch.

‘Rod told you about Zack and me,’ she realised after several minutes when she could sense Jodie’s awkwardness with her.

‘H e — m e n t i o n e d i t , ’ t h e o t h e r w o m a n admitted. Her mouth twisted into a rueful smile. ‘Do you, like Rod, disapprove of the relationship?’

‘I don’t see that it’s any of our business,’ Josie answered candidly. She sighed heavily. ‘It is a mistake,’ she admitted. ‘But it isn’t always possible to do the thing you know is best for you.’

‘You love him.’ She took a long time to answer that, knowing that she did love him, but also knowing it would

take a long time to get over his cruel treatment of her the evening before. ‘I want to be with him,’ she answered cautiously. ‘But I’m under no illusions that he feels the same way I do.’

‘He asked you to live with him.’ ‘Yes,’ she sighed. ‘You don’t seem—too happy about it?’ Josie frowned. She gave a tight smile. ‘Moving back in with Zack made me the happiest I’ve been in a long time.’ She knew she used the past tense, but today she felt almost as much despair as she had when she had had to leave Zack five years ago. Almost. At least this time she still had Zack, in a way. It was the way that she had him that made her so miserable. ‘But then I haven’t been happy in any way for a long time.’

‘I think I know a little of what you’re feeling,’ Josie said thoughtfully. ‘Rod makes me happy—in an unhappy sort of way,’ she grimaced.

‘But I’m sure he cares for you.’ She frowned. ‘Oh, he does,’ Josie nodded. ‘And I care for him. But falling in love doesn’t mean everything ends happily ever after. If he asks me to marry him, which I think he will, I don’t know if I could live with his mother. And yet if we didn’t I’d feel guilty. She’s old and alone, and Rod is all she has.’ She gave a rueful shrug. ‘I just don’t believe there is such a thing as a straightforward happy-everafter romance. Or if there is the "happy couple" probably bore each other to death within a few months of the nuptuals. I suppose what I’m really trying to say is that some happiness, with the person you love, is better than none at all.’ It was what she had decided herself not three days ago; surely last night couldn’t have changed that decision? She had taunted Zack until he lost his temper, and although that didn’t in any way excuse his behaviour, it did make her partly to blame for it. When it came down to it, she either loved him or she didn’t; and she knew that she did.

‘Thanks, Josie,’ she smiled. ‘I think you just put things back in perspective for me.’ ‘I’m glad.’ Her friend smiled. ‘Its been a difficult week for you, having to put a halt on your career for a while and getting back with Zack.’ Getting back with Zack hadn’t given her much time to think of the lapse in her career. ‘I—’

‘Well, well, well,’ drawled a mocking voice. ‘What are you doing back here?’ Cynara put a restraining hand on Josie’s arm as she would have given Diane an angry retort.’Diane,’ she greeted pleasantly. ‘How nice to see you again.’

‘I’m sure,’ the other woman derided, standing next to their table, on her way to her own lunchbreak. ‘I thought you were no longer entitled to free meals here,’ she added disdainfully.

‘I’m not,’ Cynara still spoke calmly. ‘This is in the nature of a celebration lunch.’ Blonde brows arched contemptuously. ‘I can’t think what you have to celebrate.’

‘Can’t you?’ she smiled. ‘But I seem to remember it was your suggestion.’ Diane frowned. ‘What was?’

‘That I find a "better prospect" than Daniel.’ She winked at the open-mouthed Josie, her

expression bland as she turned back to Diane. ‘I decided it was a good idea.’ Diane looked taken aback. ‘You mean you you calmly went out and got yourself a man?’

‘Not just any man.’ Cynara looked scandalised at the suggestion. ‘A rich one, I suppose,’ the other woman scorned. ‘But of course,’ she drawled. ‘He couldn’t keep me in the manner to which I’m accustomed if he weren’t.’ She kicked Josie beneath the table as the other woman threatened to be convulsed with laughter now she had recovered from her shock. ‘And I’m so glad you advised me to have another shot at him,’ she added innocently. ‘In fact, why don’t you join Josie and me in our celebration?’ ‘But who—Mr Buchanan!’ Diane gasped in r e a l i s a t i o n . ‘ Yo u ’ r e g o i n g o u t w i t h M r Buchanan!’ ‘A little more than going out with him, Diane,’she told her coyly. ‘Won’t you join us for lunch?’ ‘No, thank you!’ the other woman spat out. ‘I think—I think you’re disgusting!’ Her lunch forgotten she stormed out of the restaurant. Josie finally gave in to the laughter she had been trying so hard to suppress, Cynara softly joining in. ‘You really pushed your luck there, though,’ Josie sobered. ‘What if she had decided to join us?’ Cynara shrugged dismissively. ‘I didn’t think there was much chance of that,’ she derided.

‘I suppose not,’ Josie grimaced. ‘She’s feeling bitchier than usual at the moment because Daniel had come right out and blatantly been out with one of the guests, the rich Mrs Grover.’ ‘The single, rich Mrs Grover, I hope?’ She arched auburn brows. ‘Divorced,’ Josie confirmed. ‘She’s worth millions.’ ‘Poor Diane.’ ‘Yes,’ Josie sighed. ‘I don’t know why she doesn’t just finish with him and find herself someone more reliable.’ Cynara said nothing, both women knowing that if you loved someone you didn’t always do the best thing, for anyone involved. Knowing Zack as well as she had, she knew that only she brought out that savage streak in him, that in the clear light of day, away from her, Zack was probably as shocked by his behaviour as she had been. And yet she also knew that given the same circumstances again they would probably both a c t i n t h e s a m e w a y, e v e n k n ow i n g t h e consequences. She arrived back at the apartment in plenty of time to get Zack’s dinner, preparing the steak in rich sauce that she knew was his favourite meal, decanting the bottle of wine she had bought to accompany their meal. She was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches to their dessert when she heard his key in the door shortly before seven. For a moment there was silence, then a thump, and she rushed through to the lounge to see what was wrong. Zack stood across the room from her, his briefcase laying unheeded on the floor at his feet.

‘What is it?’ she frowned her concern at how grim he looked. ‘Zack?’ she prompted worriedly. His eyes seemed to blaze into her, moving from the loose coil of flame-coloured hair on top of her

head, over the perfection of her face, the black dress that clung alluringly down to her knees. His gaze swung back up to her face. ‘Where have the things gone from in here?’ he rasped. ‘The prints and coloured cushions, and that ridiculous thing you sat on?’

‘I sent them back,’ she frowned. Dark brows arched. ‘And the flowers?’

‘I sent them to a local hospital; I doubt the florist would have taken them back.’ She gave a rueful shrug. ‘And don’t worry, I paid for it all myself,’ she added with sarcasm. ‘Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes if you want to shower and change,’ she added in a calmer-voice.

‘Is that what I can smell?’ ‘Does it smell good?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Then I hope that’s what you can smell,’ she said lightly. ‘I’ve been preparing it for the last two hours, so don’t let it spoil.’

‘Cynara ...?’ She turned back to him, her expression wary. ‘Yes?’

‘Nothing,’ he dismissed harshly. ‘I’ll just go and get out of these clothes and freshen up.’ Cynara deliberately kept her mind a blank as she finished preparing their dinner, just putting the juicy melon on the table when Zack came through from the bedroom. He had dressed formally for the meal, very handsome in the white evening jacket and black trousers, his cologne heady and spicy, his hair still slightly damp from his minutes under the shower. ‘Why did you send the things back?’ he asked as she served the steak and vegetables. She shrugged lightly. ‘It’s your home, you’re the one who should feel comfortable in it.’ His mouth tightened. ‘I spoke to my lawyer today.’ Cynara stiffened at this sudden change of subject. ‘Oh yes?’ she prompted guardedly.

‘He seems to think there would be no problem drawing up a contract outlining exactly the terms of our agreement.’ She dropped her fork in surprise, her face flushed as she straightened from picking it up. ‘You— you told him about our—arrangement?’ she said disbelievingly.

‘Of course,’ Zack dismissed impatiently. ‘How else could he say there would be no problem?’ ‘Didn’t you feel—awkward, telling him about us?’ She squirmed uncomfortably just at the thought of it. ‘Of course I felt awkward,’ he rasped. ‘I didn’t enjoy admitting that I’m paying a woman to live with me.’ ‘Then why did you?’ she asked tautly. ‘Because last night showed me that a verbal agreement isn’t enough,’ he bit out. ‘We need to know exactly where we stand in this arrangement.’

‘Does that mean I won’t be raped any more?’ she was agitated into taunting. His mouth tightened. ‘It means we’ll both know where we stand, that I won’t force you in that way again, but at the same time you won’t talk about leaving every time something displeases you.’ She shook her head. ‘We both know that wasn’t the reason you raped me—’ Will you stop saying that!’ His fist hit the table, his expression once again savage.

‘But it’s what happened, Zack—’ ‘I know what happened!’ he rasped. ‘And I’ve never used force on a woman before.’ His eyes glittered angrily.

‘You did last night,’ she reminded dully. ‘Although I take part of the responsibility for it—’ ‘Don’t be so damned stupid—’ ‘But I do, Zack,’ she told him earnestly. ‘I pushed you too far, and I—I paid the price.’ ‘With physical humiliation,’ he remembered bitterly. ‘Yes,’ she sighed at the truth of that. ‘But I was being a bitch—’ ‘That’s no excuse for what I did to you,’ he insisted grimly. ‘Zack, could we just forget what happened last night,’ she requested impatiently. ‘It’s over and finished. How is your meal?’ she encouraged lightly.

‘We haven’t finished discussing the contract—’ ‘Because there isn’t going to be one,’ she flared. ‘I know how I’m suppose to behave, I don’t need any contract telling me what to do.’ ‘Maybe I do!’ ‘Then that’s your problem, not mine,’ she shook her head. ‘And if you don’t eat all the steak I prepared I shall be insulted. I don’t cook for just anyone, you know,’ she added teasingly, desperately trying to lighten the mood between them.

‘It’s exactly as I like it,’ he said flatly. ‘Well, of course,’ she mocked. ‘I always remember all of a man’s preferences.’ ‘Do you know all Johnson’s preferences too?’ he rasped. She sighed. ‘Have I asked you about any of the women you’ve been involved with since Joanne’s death?’

‘I haven’t touched another woman since—in a long time,’ he told her harshly. ‘Had Joanne been dead long?’ she probed gently. ‘Two years.’ ‘I didn’t realise ...’ She frowned. ‘Kelly could only have been a baby.’ ‘She doesn’t remember her mother at all,’ Zack confirmed hardly. ‘How sad!’ The regret was expressed before she had time to think, to hide her emotions. ‘For

you all, I mean,’ she added hastily, not wanting Zack to guess at the pain she felt at the thought of Kelly being without a mother for so long; Zack no longer credited her with any of the softer emotions.

‘Yes,’ he bit out. ‘But it was hardest on Michael.’ ‘And you.’ ‘Of course,’ he said abruptly. ‘Would you like to go out after dinner?’ Cynara was taken aback at the sudden change of subject, frowning heavily. ‘You were late home from work, aren’t you feeling tired?’

‘Are you so desperate for my body you can’t wait until later?’ Her startled gaze flew to his, surprised to find the humour glinting there as he threw her mockery of the evening before back at her. ‘If you’ll take me dancing I think I might manage to wait.’ She joined in his bantering. He touched the slight swelling to her bottom lip with gentle fingertips. ‘It won’t happen again,’ he assured her softly, and she didn’t need an explanation—or further apology. The nightclub he took her to was the most fashionable in London at the moment, its patrons the rich and famous, Cynara a little shocked at how little some of the other women were wearing. But Zack didn’t seem to notice the rather obvious charms of those women, moulding her close to him as they danced, his cheek resting against her hair. For Cynara it was a time out of time, the loud music and noisy surroundings preventing talk between them, allowing her the fantasy of imagining Zack was enjoying being with her as much as she was with him, his caustic tongue silent for this short time. It was almost two o’clock in the morning when Zack suggested they leave, Cynara’s agreement made with sleepy satisfaction.

‘Nightcap?’ he offered once they reached his home. ‘Only if you want one.’ The tension was suddenly back with a vengeance as they stared at each other across the width of the lounge.

‘No.’ His gaze held hers. She swallowed hard. ‘Then shall we go through to the bedroom?’

‘Yes,’ he answered abruptly. This was as all wrong as last night had been, they were suddenly like strangers again. But as Zack curtly offered her first use of their bathroom she realised there was nothing she could do to change how Zack felt about her. As far as he was concerned they were strangers, he just still happened to desire her body. There was no savagery in him tonight as he caressed and kissed her, but there was no warmth either. She might have been any women he had met that evening and casually invited home to share his bed. With one obvious exception! No mere acquaintance could possibly have known the sensitive areas of her body as Zack did, could have played with her senses as he did. As they lay spent and exhausted, but apart from each other, she knew that they had both reached the heights of satisfaction tonight.

‘You were right,’ he suddenly rasped into the darkness. ‘You hadn’t forgotten any of my preferences!’ He turned his back towards her as he prepared for sleep.

Cynara lay on her back feeling more achingly alone than she had ever been, wondering if she would ever be able to break down the barrier of resentment towards her it had taken Zack five years to build. They dressed in silence the next morning, Cynara loathe to talk, Zack disinclined to.

‘What do you intend doing this weekend?’ he asked curtly as they ate breakfast together in the kitchen. ‘Doing?’ she repeated with a puzzled frown. He gave a cool nod of his head. ‘I shall be leaving in about an hour to visit Michael and Kelly, I just wondered if you would be going away yourself.’ She knew she must have paled, although she managed to keep most of her pain inside. Zack was showing her, very effectively, that she wasn’t welcome in any part of his life that involved his family.

‘I believe I did mention the fact that I go to see my children at the weekends,’ Zack continued at her silence. ‘And this weekend it is doubly important because Michael returns to school on Monday.’ She stood up to clear away the breakfast things as a way of shielding how much he continued to hurt her. ‘You don’t owe me any explanations of your movements, Zack,’ she told him distantly. ‘I’m your paid companion, there when you want me, not when you don’t.’ His mouth was tight. ‘That’s right, you are,’ he rasped, standing up. ‘I’ll be back tomorrow night. Late.’ He left the room. He hadn’t added ‘be here’, but he might as well have done, the command was there anyway! All her strength left her in a shuddering sigh, desolate at the thought of being without him for two days. He left her with a curt nod an hour later, the apartment suddenly very empty—and lonely. Until the doorbell began ringing! First the florist arrived with a van full of flowers, even more than Cynara had originally had delivered. Then the bright cushions and paintings were delivered, the cushion chairs and finally the television and stereo. And each order was made out in the name of Zack Buchanan. The fact that he had re-ordered all the things he had seemed to dislike gave her a feeling of hope. That hope was soon dispelled when she greeted him the next evening after spending a lonely weekend at the apartment.

‘As you can see, everything arrived safely,’ she told him brightly as she brought him a cup of coffee. ‘As I can see,’ he nodded tersely, not even seeming to notice how attractive the apartment looked once again. She sat on the carpet at his feet, not touching him, his grim expression not encouraging the intimacy. ‘Did you have a nice time with Michael and Kelly?’ she prompted. His eyes hardened to green chips of ice. ‘I believe we established yesterday what your role is in my life,’ he bit out coldly. ‘My children are not for discussion in this relationship.’ Cynara flinched as if he had physically struck her, standing up. ‘Then I’d better go to the place I am allowed some part of your life—I’ll be in bed waiting for you!’ She ran from the room, her

tears blinding her.

CHAPTER SIX CYNARA quickly wrapped a towel about her wet hair as the doorbell rang, hurrying to answer it, wondering who it could be. They had received few visitors this last week, most of them tradesmen, and she was unprepared for the sight of Michael Buchanan standing on the doorstep. He looked confused too, glancing quickly to the apartment number on the door. ‘I’m sorry, I think I—You!’ Recognition dawned, his eyes wide with shock. ‘What are you doing here?’ he demanded.

‘I think maybe I should be the one asking you that,’ she reproved gently. ‘Isn’t this a school day?’

‘Is my father at home?’ he asked, rudely ignoring her question. ‘If it’s a school day then it’s also a working one for your father,’ she reminded. His eyes narrowed on her in hurt confusion. ‘Why are you here? You told me you weren’t having an affair with my father,’ he accused.

‘I think you had better come inside, Michael,’ she invited softly, opening the door wider. He preceded her into the apartment, looking about him curiously; his father’s apartment obviously wasn’t a place he had visited before! Cynara watched him frowningly. He was dressed in a school uniform, black blazer, white shirt and grey trousers, his hair shorter too. And she didn’t understand what he was doing here, sure Zack wasn’t expecting him. He would have asked her to absent herself for the day if he had been!

‘Excuse me, Michael, while I go and dress,’ she said quietly. ‘I won’t be long.’ ‘What?’ He turned to her vaguely. ‘Oh—oh yes,’ he nodded. ‘Okay.’ ‘If you would like a drink or something to eat the kitchen is that way.’ She nodded in the appropriate direction, not missing the way his eyes lit up at the suggestion. ‘There’s cooked chicken and Coke in the refrigerator,’ she added indulgently before going to the bedroom. It was only ten o’clock in the morning, Zack had left for work just over an hour ago, her long soak in the bath and washing her hair taking up the res t of that time; Mich ael couldn’t possibly have left his school in Surrey any later than seven o’clock to have reached here by this time. And it couldn’t be a holiday either, he had only been at school a matter of days! She put on tight denims and a fitted veenecked T-shirt, partially drying her hair before rejoining Michael in the kitchen. He had eaten most of the chicken, a couple of slices of bread, and was now drinking a can of Coke.

‘Feel better?’ she prompted, sitting down opposite him with a cup of coffee she had poured herself. He eyed her warily. ‘You didn’t tell me what you’re doing here.’

‘I repeat, shouldn’t that be my question?’ she drawled, her brows raised.

‘Are you living here with my father?’ he persisted. ‘What do you think?’ she mocked. ‘He didn’t tell me about you,’ Michael said resentfully. ‘Don’t you think you could be a little young for your father to discuss such—private matters with?’ she reasoned dryly. ‘You said you weren’t involved with him,’ he muttered accusingly. Cynara shrugged narrow shoulders. ‘Things change.’ His mouth set mutinously. ‘I told you to stay away from him.’ Her mouth quirked. ‘I’m afraid the warnings of a ten-year-old boy don’t frighten me. Now tell me why you’ve run away from school?’ she encouraged softly. He stiffened, his face fiery red. ‘I haven’t run away—’

‘Michael!’ She gave him a reproving look. ‘Don’t compound the sin by lying about it.’ He glared at her. ‘I don’t have to tell you anything—’

‘You do if you want me to help you,’ she told him gently. ‘I don’t need your help ‘Michael, please.’ She spoke quietly but forcefully. ‘Insulting me isn’t going to help your situation at all.’

‘You would tell my father,’ he scorned. ‘No,’ she told him truthfully, knowing that Zack would never defend her against one of his beloved children. ‘But I would like to help you, and I can’t do that if you’re going to keep insulting me.’ His shoulders hunched over dejectedly. ‘How could you help me?’ he mumbled. Certainly not by giving in to her first instinct, which was to hug him until his pain went away! Michael would only recoil from such a gesture. But he looked so much like Zack at that moment it was hard not to take him in her arms and cuddle him. Michael had the look of a boy who had received few such cuddles in his life.

‘Talking often helps,’ she encouraged instead. ‘I hate school,’ he stated flatly. She gave a rueful smile. ‘Most children do, you can only begin to appreciate it when you’re older. I’ve often thought it would be a more ideal situation if we could go to school when we’re adults, that way—’

‘Don’t patronise me,’ Michael snapped. ‘I hate t h e s c h o o l a n d I ’ m n o t g o i n g b a c k ! ’ ‘Michael He stood up noisily. ‘I hate it there,’ he repeated vehemently. Cynara frowned. ‘You hate it at that particular school, or you just hate school in general?’ she probed.

‘I hate Windmuir,’ he bit out forcefully. ‘Why?’

‘I hate the teachers, I hate the boys there, and I hate living there!’ Cynara had a feeling the latter bothered him more than anything else, and considering his age, the uneasy harmony of his parents’ marriage, his mother’s subsequent death, that was probably understandable. He would have benefited more from going to a dayschool and living with his father on a permanent basis. But it wasn’t for her to voice any of that.

‘Does anyone know that you’ve run away, besides me, I mean?’ she added dryly. He shrugged. ‘The housemaster will probably have realised by now.’ She nodded. ‘And he will have informed your father and grandmother. I would say they are very worried about your whereabouts at the moment.’ She stood up. Michael looked at her with panicked eyes. ‘Where are you going?’

‘To telephone your father and grandmother and let them know where you are.’ She arched auburn brows. ‘Unless you would like to call them?’

‘Er—no,’ he refused hastily, not meeting her gaze. ‘You can do it.’ ‘Thank you,’ she taunted his reluctance, going through to the lounge. She called Zack’s office first, only to be told by his secretary that he had left over an hour ago for a business meeting in Manchester. The other woman was somewhat relieved to hear that she had Michael with her, having a message from the school to relay on to Zack once he reached the Manchester office. At least now she could also tell him Michael had turned up safe and sound. The next call wasn’t so easy to make, Cynara’s palms feeling damp as she waited for Alice Buchanan to come on the line.

‘Cynara?’ the older woman sounded surprised to hear from her. ‘Is that you?’ She had told the butler it was Miss Williams calling; she could very well understand the other woman’s shock. ‘Yes.’

‘Its been such a long time,’ Alice Buchanan said warmly. ‘How may I help you?’ The friendliness wasn’t exactly the reaction Cynara had been expecting from Zack’s mother, although in the past the other woman had been unceasingly polite. ‘I have Michael here with me

‘You do?’ the older woman sounded relieved—if a little puzzled. ‘He’s run away from school—’ ‘I know,’ Alice sounded harassed now. ‘The school called me over an hour ago. I’ve been frantic!’ ‘Well he’s here at Zack’s London apartment, very hurt, very confused—and very determined he won’t be going back to school.’ ‘I see,’ Alice said slowly. ‘Can I speak to him?’ She glanced at the mutinous expression on Michael’s face as he appeared in the doorway, blatantly listening to her conversation with his grandmother. ‘I don’t think he’s feeling very talkative at the moment,’ she derided. ‘How about if I just drive him down to the house and you talk to him then?’ she offered.

‘Have you managed to reach Zack and let him know, he was in transit to a business meeting when I called his office?’

‘He still is, but he should get my message about Michael as soon as he arrives.’ Alice gave an impatient sigh. ‘He’s never available when he’s needed,’ she tutted. ‘Would you mind very much driving Michael here? I could always come and get him ...’

‘It will be easier this way,’ she reasoned. ‘And we can be there in an hour.’ ‘Well if you’re sure it won’t be putting you to any trouble ...?’ ‘None at all,’ Cynara assured her. ‘I would like to see you again,’ the older woman said warmly. She couldn’t imagine why but she didn’t question Alice, ringing off to turn to Michael. ‘You heard?’ she prompted, already knowing that he had.

‘My father is unavailable and you’re going to drive me to Grandmother’s,’ he said sulkily. ‘Is that all right with you?’ ‘With me?’ He looked startled by the question. She could tell from his reaction that his wishes weren’t consulted very often. She won­ dered why Zack couldn’t see that he was alienating his son, that it would soon be too late to do anything about it. Or maybe he didn’t want to? Had he become so cold and uncaring since Joanne’s death that he didn’t want his children’s love? She couldn’t understand any parent rebuffing the innocently forgiving love of their child.

‘If you would rather stay here and wait for your father I can call your Grandmother and explain ...?’ ‘I’d rather go home,’ he said eagerly. ‘I can be with Kelly for a while.’ Cynara’s heart ached for the trauma Zack was causing his son. Michael obviously missed his little sister immensely, would be a much more well-adjusted child if he lived at home with her. But none of her censure towards Zack showed as she drove Michael to his grandmother’s house.

‘Why are you being so nice to me?’ he asked suddenly, eating the ice-cream she had bought for him when they stopped for petrol. S he g lanced at him, s miling. ‘A ren’t I supposed to be?’

‘Grandfather said—’ ‘Shall we leave your grandfather out of this?’ she interrupted sharply. ‘But he didn’t like you.’ She sighed. ‘I didn’t like him either,’ she told him ruefully. ‘But I do like you.’ He looked up at her with wide green eyes. ‘You do?’

‘Yes.’ She smiled at his surprise. ‘But I—I haven’t been—’ ‘Very polite?’ she finished teasingly. ‘I doubt if I would be if I believed, as you do, that I was

intent on hurting someone you love.’

‘Are you?’ he frowned. She shook her head. ‘No,’ she answered simply. ‘I would never willingly hurt your father.’ Michael ate his ice-cream in silence for several minutes, obviously deep in thought. ‘Do you have any children?’ he asked suddenly. To say she was stunned by the question was putting it mildly; it left her speechless for several seconds. ‘I’ve never been married, Michael,’ she finally answered him. He gave her a scathing look. ‘I do realise that isn’t always necessary to have children,’ he told her somewhat indignantly. For a boy of ten he realised far too much, had been influenced by Nicholas Buchanan far too much too. But maybe that had been inevitable if he had shared a home with his grandfather until his death six months ago. Nevertheless, his worldliness was a little disconcerting in one so young.

‘I haven’t had any children either,’ she said lightly. ‘Would you like some?’ ‘Michael ‘Are you going to marry my father?’ He looked at her earnestly. She suddenly realised the reason for his questioning. ‘No, I’m not,’ she told him gently. ‘But I would have loved to have had a son just like you.’ She answered the question he was much too proud to ask.

‘And Kelly?’ ‘I’m sure she’s adorable,’ she said warmly. ‘She is.’ He nodded with the pride of a much older brother. ‘I’m teaching her to count.’

‘I’m sure you teach her a lot of things, Michael,’ she smiled. ‘But you don’t want to be our mother?’ ‘Hey, this is me, remember?’ she teased. ‘The woman you were going to kill if I went near your father again.’ He gave an uncomfortable blush. ‘Maybe I was wrong about you ...’

‘Only maybe?’ she quirked mocking brows. ‘Grandfather said ‘I’m sure your grandfather was a good man, Michael,’ she lied. ‘And that he loved you very much. But he didn’t know everything. He didn’t know me.’ ‘No,’ Michael acknowledged seriously. It was the nearest he had come to saying his grandfather could have been wrong about her, and Cynara wisely left him to think about it. ‘Your ice-cream is melting.’ She handed him a tissue to mop it up. It was almost twelve-thirty by the time they arrived at Alice Buchanan’s house, a huge redbrick building, with extensive gardens that must be a paradise to young children. Cynara thought again how

wrong it was of Zack to take his son away from all this.

‘Michael!’ Alice Buchanan rushed out to greet her grandson as soon as she heard the car in the drive, hugging him tightly as he ran into her waiting arms. ‘Cynara!’ She looked up to greet warmly. Alice Buchanan had been a surprise to her from the first, a small motherly lady, with silvergrey hair and warm blue eyes. Cynara had marvelled that such a lovely woman could be married to such a cold, unfeeling man.

‘Come inside,’ Alice Buchanan invited smilingly, her arm still about Michael. ‘We can all have lunch together.’ ‘I have to be going back,’ Cynara shook her head in refusal, knowing Zack wouldn’t like even this brief involvement with his family. ‘Don’t be silly,’ the older woman dismissed. ‘I have yet to hear how this young rascal came to be with you.’ She ruffled Michael’s hair affectionately. ‘Cynara is living with Daddy,’ Michael announced without rancour. ‘Where’s Kelly?’ he asked eagerly. ‘Up in the nursery—Michael!’ His grandmother stopped him as he would have bounded up the stairs. ‘Have you thanked Cynara?’ she prompted gently. He looked uncomfortable now. ‘Thank you for driving me home,’ he said stiffly.

‘And, Michael,’ his grandmother stopped him again, ‘you know we have to talk about your leaving school in this way, that your father is going to be very angry?’ His shoulders drooped dejectedly. ‘Yes.’ Alice Buchanan’s expression softened. ‘But he isn’t here yet,’ she smiled. ‘So run along and see Kelly.’ She shook her head as he disappeared up the stairs two at a time. ‘I wish I had his energy,’ she told Cynara ruefully.

‘Yes,’ she answered uncertainly, feeling awkward now that they had been left alone. ‘I really do insist you stay for lunch,’ Alice said softly. ‘I want to talk to you.’ ‘Mrs Buchanan—’ ‘It always used to be Alice,’ she reminded firmly. ‘Alice,’ she sighed her capitulation. ‘What Michael said just now is true, I am staying at Zack’s apartment. Although the relationship isn’t as serious as it sounds, you certainly have no need to worry that I will ever be invited to become a member of your family again,’ she assured her hardly.

‘I never worried about it,’ Alice said softly. ‘I would have welcomed it.’ ‘Your husband—’ ‘Was not always a kind man. Although I truly believe his actions were always made to protect his family.’ She frowned. ‘I realise that doesn’t help you now, but I hope you believe me when I tell you I had no idea what my husband had done to you until after his death.’ ‘Alice—’ ‘Cynara, come up and see Kelly,’ Michael called from the top of the stairs, his green eyes

alight with boyish pride in his young sister.

‘Yes, let’s go up and introduce you to Kelly,’ Alice encouraged. ‘I’m sure you’ll love her!’ Who could resist the blonde-haired angel in the blue dungarees and navy blue T-shirt that was Kelly Buchanan! Cynara certainly couldn’t, getting down on the floor with her and Michael at the latter’s encouragement. Kelly was a little chatterbox who obviously adored her much older brother, and talked of her father incessantly. It soon became clear that both children missed Zack immensely, that much as they loved their grandmother their father was the one they wanted to be with.

‘Lunch, I think,’ Alice finally decided. ‘You’ve been up here over an hour,’ she told Cynara at her questioning look.

‘I didn’t realise.’ She stood up, taking the clinging Kelly with her. Alice’s expression softened indulgently. ‘You’re very good with children.’ She blushed, giving Kelly to Michael. ‘I really think I should be going now, Zack wouldn’t like--’

‘ Zack is my son, Cynara, and I love him dearly, but this is still my house, and you are my guest,’ the older woman told her firmly, turning to her grandson. ‘Michael, are you eating up here with Kelly or downstairs with Cynara and me?’ ‘Here,’ he promptly answered. Alice nodded, as if she had expected no other answer. ‘Change out of that school uniform first,’ she advised. ‘Kelly’s aim isn’t as good as it could be,’ she chuckled as she and Cynara returned down stairs. Cynara had never felt as uncomfortable as she did sitting down to lunch with Zack’s mother, the older woman chatting away as if they had been friends for years. They had certainly met years earlier, but friends? Never.

‘I really will have to leave now,’ she told Alice after they had eaten. ‘It’s getting late, and—’ ‘Do you still sing, Cynara?’ She frowned at the question. Not at the moment,’ she answered evasively, not willing to go into the reasons why she didn’t, or the reason she was supposedly living with Zack. Alice nodded. ‘I thought your voice sounded huskier than it used to.’ She looked at the other woman sharply, seeing understanding in the faded blue eyes. Alice Buchanan, for all her delicate charm, seemed to miss little. Now come with me, my dear,’ Alice stood up. ‘I have something I need to give you.’

‘Give me?’ she frowned. ‘I don’t understand ...’ Alice nodded, the two women of similar height. ’Something you left behind the last time you were here. I would have seen it was returned to you earlier, but I didn’t know where you were.’ Cynara’s puzzlement increased. ‘I can’t think what it can be.’

‘Can’t you?’ Alice looked at her gravely.

It was Alice’s intensity that gave her a premonition even before they entered the study and the older woman moved the painting aside to open the safe behind. Cynara tensed as a familiar manilla file was take from inside. Alice held it out to her. ‘This is yours, I believe.’ She swallowed hard, speechless, staring in fascinated horror at the evidence Nicholas Buchanan had used for her destruction five years ago.

‘I haven’t read it,’ Alice told her gently. ‘But I have a feeling that whatever it contains was used by my husband to get you out of Zack’s life five years ago,’ she said sadly. Cynara looked at her with wide eyes. ‘You haven’t read it ...?’ Alice sighed. ‘I knew my husband very well. To him the family was everything, and from the first he was determined you would never marry into it. When he died I had to sort through his personal papers, this file was among them. It’s from a detective agency, and it has your name on it, and it’s dated about the time he claimed you had accepted money to leave Zack’s life. Something I was never convinced of, by the way,’ she added gently.

‘I did accept the money,’ she told the other woman flatly. ‘After my husband showed you this,’ Alice nodded. ‘How can you be so sure?’ ‘Isn’t it the truth?’ ‘Well—yes. But how can you believe that when Zack found your husband’s version so much more acceptable?’

‘Zack was always very vulnerable where you were concerned; I’m sure he had more than a little encouragement to believe my husband’s version of events?’ Cynara blushed guiltily. ‘Why didn’t you just give this file to Zack?’ she asked dully.

‘Because whatever it contains, and I’m sure it can’t be anything so damning that my son couldn’t accept and understand it,’ she added reprovingly, ‘you obviously considered it serious enough to lose Zack rather than have him know. I can’t agree with what you did, but I respect the fact that you gave up your happiness with him because of it. To have betrayed you by giving him this when you had already lost so much would have been very wrong, and very cruel, of me. And I hope that is something I’m not. If anyone ever tells him about this file it will have to be you.’

‘And I never will.’ Cynara gratefully clutched the file to her. ‘Don’t misjudge Zack,’ she was warned. ‘He once loved you enough to forgive you anything.’ ‘But it was a forgiveness that would only turn to bitterness,’ she said with feeling. ‘My fiancé cancelled our wedding only a week away from the day because of it, Zack would feel the same way after a time.’ ‘But are you happy the way the two of you are now?’ ‘Happy?’ she repeated dully. ‘Are any of us ever truly happy?’ Alice looked saddened. ‘I don’t like to see so much disillusionment in one so young.’

Her mouth twisted. ‘I can assure you it isn’t a recently acquired emotion.’

‘Zack isn’t happy either.’ His mother shook her head. ‘I’ve tried to tell him he needs to be a fulltime father to Michael and Kelly, but he won’t listen to me.’ ‘Well, he certainly won’t listen to me,’ Cynara told her dryly. ‘No,’ his mother sighed. ‘I can see that whatever your relationship is with him now it is not a happy, a sharing, one. I’m really sorry about that, you were the one person who made Zack into a warm and loving human being.’

‘Joanne ...?’ ‘Was a lovely and loving woman, but she never really reached Zack. Only you did that.’ ‘I’m sorry.’ ‘So am I,’ his mother grimaced. ‘Are you sure telling him the truth, no matter how painful ‘I’m sure,’ she cut in firmly. And she was sure, knew that having the file made no difference to their relationship. She hadn’t given the file a thought in years, or if she had she thought Nicholas Buchanan would have destroyed it, the evidence of his probing too damning against him too. But knowing him as she had she realised he was taking no chances, that he had kept the file just in case she was foolish enough to try and come back into Zack’s life. Zack was at the apartment when she got home, turning to glare at her as he spoke on the telephone. ‘Yes, Mother,’ he grated. ‘I’ll be right down.’ He rang off to turn on Cynara angrily. ‘Why the hell didn’t you leave a message or note telling me where you and Michael had gone?’ he d emand ed furiousl y. ‘I drove back from Manchester breaking every speed limit there was after my secretary informed me Michael had run away from school and turned up here, only to return and find neither of you here!’ He glared at her.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t think,’ she said with genuine regret, able to imagine the torment he had gone through the last few hours. ‘Your mother wanted to see Michael—’ ‘And you think that I don’t?’ His eyes glittered ominously, boding ill for his son. ‘Zack, he’s only a little boy,’ she pleaded. ‘He needs your understanding, not your anger.’ ‘And I need you to stay out of that side of my life,’ he rasped dismissively. ‘Michael came here—’ ‘And you should have damn well kept him here,’ he bit out angrily. ‘Why?’ She was angry, too, now. ‘So that you can punish him, treat him with the same cruelty you do me?’ she challenged, her head back proudly. His face darkened dangerously. ‘I have never hurt Michael in his life—’

‘Maybe not physically,’ she conceded, knowing that only she brought out that particular devil in him. ‘But emotionally that boy is crying out for your attention

‘I’ll thank you to keep your opinions about my relationship with my children to yourself,’ he snapped viciously. ‘I am now going to talk to my son.’ He looked at her contemptuously. ‘I’ll

expect you to be waiting for me when I return!’ He slammed the door on his way out.

CHAPTER SEVEN BUT Zack didn’t return that night, and Cynara curled in the bed in misery as night turned into day, sleep completely eluding her. Zack was a very angry and embittered man, and she feared that if he didn’t soon realise that Michael needed his love and attention it would be too late for both of them. Michael, it seemed, was like his mother, warm and giving, but even child that he was he couldn’t go on giving for ever with no return. Zack had to see that, unless he wanted to lose his son’s love. Maybe the two of them would have come to an understanding by the time he returned. She was in the bedroom changing when he returned that evening, not knowing whether or not he would be returning for dinner, deciding they could go out if he did. His eyes narrowed on her as she stood across the room wearing only coffee-coloured bra and panties. Cynara eyed him nervously, not knowing what to say to him after their stormy parting.

‘Going somewhere?’ he drawled as she zipped up the brown lace dress. She shrugged. ‘I thought perhaps we could go out for dinner this evening.’

‘Bored with staying in already?’ he taunted, throwing off his jacket. The two of them lived a life of intimacy, dressing together, undressing together, spending their evenings together, sleeping together, and yet each evening they met as strangers, made love as strangers, and parted in the morning as those same strangers; and it was tearing Cynara apart.

‘No, not bored,’ she denied steadily. ‘But I had no idea when you would be back—’ ‘And so you thought you would go out and find yourself some amusement—’ ‘Don’t credit everyone with the same morals you have, Zack,’ she scorned. ‘I was dressing in case you took me out to dinner when you got home.’

‘And why should I want to do that?’ She flushed at his deliberate attempt to embarrass her. ‘Because you’ve had a bad day and you feel like going out,’ she challenged.

‘I have had a bad day,’ he acknowledged curtly. ‘And I don’t feel like going anywhere.’ ‘In that case I’ll cook us something while you shower and change,’ she shrugged, hesitating at the door. ‘How did you get on with Michael?’ He stiffened in the act of taking off his shirt, turning from his sitting position on the bed. ‘My relationship with my son, as I’ve already told you more than once, is none of your concern,’ he told her coldly.

‘Then I must be a slow learner,’ she snapped. ‘Because I still want to know how Michael is. Zack, he involved me when he came here and I drove him to your mother’s,’ she insisted tautly. ‘It involved you only because I wasn’t here and you were,’ he scorned. ‘And we’ve already

established what part you play here!’ Her mouth tightened on the angry retort she wanted to give him. ‘Would it be too much to ask if Michael is back at boarding-school?’

‘No, that wouldn’t be too much to ask,’ he mimicked her sarcasm. ‘I took him back to school myself this morning. It was not a pleasant experience.’

‘I’m sure you’ll soon get over it, Zack,’ she scorned. Not for me.’ His eyes were narrowed. ‘I meant for Michael. Although I did find it a little difficult explaining why he had run away; the school is one of the best in the country.’

‘You found it difficult?’ she gasped. ‘How do you think Michael feels?’ she accused. ‘He hates it there.’

‘All boys hate school ‘Did you?’ Zack’s mouth compressed into a thin line. ‘As a matter of fact, yes.’

‘Then—’ ‘But we all have to go to school, Cynara,’ he dismissed. ‘He’ll get over his dislike.’ ‘Did you?’ ‘We aren’t discussing me,’ he snapped. ‘In a way we are,’ she insisted. ‘Why are you being so hard on Michael, is it because he had the courage to do something you couldn’t?’

‘I’ve never run away from a situation in my life,’ he rasped, standing up. Cynara refused to be cowed by him. ‘Only because you were too frightened to,’ she scorned. ‘Because your father instilled a fear in you of showing any sign of weakness.’

‘So we’re back to my father again, are we,’ he said disgustedly, stripping off his shirt. ‘Why not, you’re turning out exactly like him!’ She was breathing heavily in her anger. ‘Cynara—’ ‘Michael hates that school,’ she continued fiercely. Not just any school, but that one. I don’t care if it’s the best in the world, Michael hates it, so much he was desperate enough to run away. And he’ll do it again, too.’ She was sure of that. ‘And this time he may not come to you.’

‘You don’t know what you’re talking about—’ ‘Yes, I do,’ she told him forcefully. ‘He’s been through so much for a boy of ten, and now he just wants to be with you and Kelly.’

‘This is nothing to do with you, Cynara ‘Yes, it is,’ she insisted exasperatedly. ‘How can you be so hard to your own son?’ she choked disbelievingly at his unyielding expression. ‘It’s because he is my son that I think I know what’s best for him—’ ‘You don’t know the first thing about him,’ she accused heatedly.

‘And I suppose you do?’ Zack turned on her savagely. ‘After he once verbally attacked you in a restaurant, and then allowed you to drive him down to his grandmother’s you think you know my son?’

‘Better than you do at this moment.’ She nodded determinedly. ‘Now you’ve gone too far,’ he exploded, advancing on her threateningly. ‘Because I dare to tell you that if you don’t soon recognise that your son needs you, your love and attention, you’re going to lose him?’ she scorned, standing her ground. ‘You don’t frighten me Zack.’ She looked up at him as he towered over her. ‘I may not have any children of my own, but that doesn’t mean I’m insensitive to a child’s needs.’

‘An d I a m, I s uppos e? ’ A puls e jerked erratically in his set jaw. ‘You’ve grown hard and unyielding—’ ‘I’ll thank you to mind your own business.’ He pushed her roughly aside to take a suit out of the wardrobe behind her. ‘I’m going out. Alone,’ he added pointedly. She had tried, and lost, and she had enough sense to know that. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way, Zack.’

‘Don’t worry.’ He looked at her scathingly. ‘Our arrangement still stands.’ She met his gaze unflinchingly. ‘I wasn’t thinking of myself but of you and Michael, mostly of you, I think. One day Michael is going to be grown up and you aren’t even going to know him.’ His answer was to slam the wardrobe door and storm into the adjoining bathroom, the sound of the shower being run seconds later. Poor Zack. And poor Michael. She ached for him once again alone at the school he disliked so much. And she knew he was enough like Zack to run away again as soon as he had the opportunity to do so. Once Zack had left the apartment, in stony silence, she thought of leaving herself, of just packing her things and going before he returned. But she couldn’t do it, knew that no matter what he did to her she couldn’t leave him, that he would have to be the one to tell her to go. She did, however, telephone Alice Buchanan to see if Michael had seemed all right after seeing his father. The older woman was as concerned as she was, promising to keep her informed of Michael’s progress—or lack of it. The older woman didn’t seem to find anything unusual in Cynara’s interest in her lover’s son, didn’t question it, something Cynara was grateful for, unable to explain the bond she felt with the young boy. She was in bed but not asleep when Zack came home, clutching her book tightly in front of her as he came straight into the bedroom, uncertain of his mood after the way he had left earlier. He drew in a ragged breath, coming to stand beside the bed they shared. ‘I’m sorry,’ he told her abruptly. ‘I seem to have said nothing else from the time you moved in here, but I am sorry.’

‘For what?’ She was uncertain what he was apologising for, whether it was for earlier, or for something he had done while he had been out the last four hours. He shrugged broad shoulders, throwing off his evening jacket. ‘For constantly losing my temper with you,’ he sighed.

‘Did you have a—pleasant evening?’ she asked reservedly. ‘I went to the Excellence,’ he told her curtly. ‘Supposedly to check on the new entertainer they have there.’

‘And?’ ‘She’s good—but not as good as you,’ he was looking at her intently. ‘Not as beautiful either.’ Cynara stiffened. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ He dropped down on the bed at her side. ‘She’s an accomplished performer—’

‘In what way?’ she demanded sharply. His mouth twisted. ‘I’m talking about her singing, Cynara. I certainly don’t make a habit of going to bed with my employees. Is it so difficult for you to take a compliment from me without reading more into it than there was?’

‘I t ’s b e e n a v e r y l o n g t i m e s i n c e yo u complimented me on anything,’ she pointed out abruptly. ‘And I have no idea of your preferences in women since your wife died.’ She was very aware o f h is proximit y, of how ruggedl y attractive he was, of how desperately she wanted to reach out and pull his head down to hers. But not as they were now, she wanted so much more than that. Zack gave a slight smile. ‘Just over five feet tall, with red hair and velvet brown eyes,’ he said huskily. ‘Oh yes, and the most sensual hands I’ve ever encountered.’ Cynara blushed at his detailed description of her. ‘Zack ...?’

‘I don’t want us to argue any more, Cynara,’ he told her gruffly, smoothing the hair at her brow. ‘We had something good once, we could have again.’ She shook her head sadly. ‘Not without the same love we couldn’t.’

‘We could try, damn it.’ His expression was fierce. ‘I’m sick of climbing into bed next to a stranger, of having sex with that same stranger. I want the old Cynara back.’

‘That Cynara no longer exists, Zack,’ she told him dully. ‘Too much has happened. What is it you really want from me?’ She looked up at him with wide brown eyes. ‘You,’ he told her simply. ‘As a friend and lover.’ ‘I’ve always been your friend, Zack,’ she smiled gently. ‘And I’ve wanted to be your lover again for such a long time.’ His avid gaze searched the gentle beauty of her face. ‘You’ve missed me too?’ She gave a choked laugh. ‘That has to be an understatement!’

‘What are you feeling right now?’ he prompted huskily. ‘Tell me!’ ‘Puzzlement, excitement—’ she hesitated. ‘Yes?’ he urged. ‘Are you trying to make me leave myself open to the pain you can inflict, Zack?’ She frowned up at him, mistrustful of this gentle mood.

‘I just want the truth between us, nothing more,’ he grated. ‘But nothing less.’ ‘What are you feeling?’ she encouraged softly. ‘Vulnerability,’ he admitted instantly. Now she knew he wasn’t playing with her, that vulnerability was the one emotion he had sworn never to feel for her again. It was the nearest she was going to get to him feeling something for her again, she knew that, her arms going up about his neck as she finally pulled him down to her. ‘I want you, Zack,’ she murmured.

‘I want you too, but ...’ ‘Yes?’ ‘Not like it has been, Cynara,’ he groaned, his face buried against her throat. ‘It can’t be as it was,’ she said gently. ‘It can be better than it has been,’ he insisted fiercely, his mouth claiming hers. And it was. There was gentleness between them if there wasn’t love, sensitivity if there couldn’t be understanding, the closeness of remaining in each other’s arms even after the heady excitement of their lovemaking. Cynara hummed to herself as she tidied the apartment. It was over two weeks since she and Zack had come to a more gentle understanding, two weeks when they hadn’t argued once, when Zack had refrained from lashing her with his tongue every opportunity he could, their evenings spent companionably, their nights in erotic rapture. Perhaps it was all too good to last, but she intended enjoying it while she could. John was even pleased with her medical progress, tentatively suggesting that if she could continue to rest the way she was that there might be no need for the operation after all. She picked up the telephone on it’s third ring, lightly reciting the number.

‘Cynara.’ The harassed voice of Alice Buchanan came down the line. ‘I’ve been trying to contact Zack—’ ‘He’s in Paris on business for the day,’ Cynara frowned. ‘Is anything wrong?’ ‘It’s Michael and Kelly—’ ‘They aren’t worse, are they?’ she asked worried; she knew Michael had been sent home at the weekend with a severe case of measles, and that Kelly had contracted it a few days later. ‘About the same,’ the older woman sighed. ‘They’re miserable, irritable—and Nanny Simons has just got it,’ she added disgustedly. ‘Oh dear,’ Cynara sympathised. ‘I’m at my wits’ end, my dear,’ the other woman said distractedly. ‘I called Zack to see if he could contact an agency and get someone down here to help with the children.’

‘I’ll come,’ she decided firmly.

‘Oh no,’ Zack’s mother hastily refused. ‘Zack wouldn’t like me to involve you.’ ‘Zack isn’t here at the moment, and you need help,’ she reasoned. ‘I can be there in an hour.’ ‘I must say it sounds tempting, but—Have you had measles?’ Alice asked worriedly. She gave a dismissive laugh. ‘When you’ve been brought up in an orphanage you’ve had everything there is by the time you leave!’

‘Well if you’re sure ... I would be grateful,’ Alice acknowledged with a sigh. ‘I’ll leave a message with Zack about what’s happened and be with you shortly.’ The children were indeed miserable and irritable, miserable because of the itching of their bodies, irritable because they were both tired of lying in bed with nothing to do. Cynara soon had Michael organised with the plane model she had purchased on the way here, and Kelly with a large wooden jigsaw puzzle.

‘Peace reigns.’ Alice sat down gratefully to share a pot of tea with Cynara in the lounge. ‘For a while,’ she conceded with a smile. ‘But they’ll soon tire of those pursuits and then I shall have to find them something else to do. I used to help out with the younger ones when they were ill at the orphanage,’ she explained. ‘I was nearing the end of my patience,’ Alice admitted wearily. ‘Nanny woke up feeling ill first thing this morning and I’ve been trying, not very successfully, to amuse the children ever since.’ And at almost seventy it had obviously tired her out. ‘Why don’t you go to your room and rest while I’m here?’ she suggested lightly.

‘Oh no, I couldn’t—’ ‘You can take over the next shift,’ she cajoled, seeing that Alice really was looking weary. By the time both children fell into a fretful sleep later that evening both Cynara and Alice were exhausted. And there had been no word from Zack. His office was closed now, both in England and France, and there was no answer at the apartment when she telephoned there. A call to the airport revealed that his flight had arrived on time, although the woman she spoke to on the telephone wouldn’t reveal whether or not Zack had been on it.

‘Perhaps he’s been delayed in Paris,’ his mother suggested. ‘Stay here tonight and tryagain in the morning.’ ‘Maybe I should try the hotel he was visiting over there,’ she frowned. ‘That’s a good idea.’ The older woman smiled. ‘Use the telephone in the lounge, I’ll just go up and check on the children.’ Zack was at the hotel, the receptionst informed her, putting her through to his suite.

‘Where the hell have you been?’ he demanded without preamble as soon as she identified herself. ‘I’ve been calling you most of the day,’ he added irritably.

‘I’ve been out—’ ‘I gathered that,’ he bit out sarcastically. ‘I’d like to know where.’

She frowned at his aggressive tone; he hadn’t spoken to her in this way for quite some time. ‘Your mother called the apartment, the children—’

‘Michael and Kelly?’ he interrupted sharply. ‘Are they all right?’ ‘They’re both asleep now, but—’ ‘You’re at my mother’s house?’ he cut in again. ‘Zack, if you’ll let me finish I’ll be able to tell you what’s happening. The children’s nanny has measles—’ ‘Oh God,’ he groaned. ‘Why do these things always happen when I’m away?’ He spoke to himself.

‘Your mother didn’t know what to do,’ Cynara explained. ‘And so she called the apartment. Zack, your mother isn’t getting any younger, I couldn’t let her cope alone once she had told me what was happening.’

‘You could have contacted an agency—’ ‘And have you decide I’d contacted the wrong one as soon as you got back!’ she scorned. ‘Zack, when children are ill they prefer to have someone they know looking after them.’

‘M ich ael and K ell y do not know yo u!’ ‘They’ve met me,’ she insisted. ‘Your mother and I have coped very well between us today.’ ‘I want you to leave there right now,’ he instructed forcefully. ‘Why?’ ‘Don’t question me, Cynara,’ he bit out. ‘Just do as I ask.’ ‘It didn’t sound like a request, Zack,’ she said stiffly. ‘Take it whatever way you like, Cynara,’ he rasped. ‘But leave there right now.’ It was as if the last two weeks had never been, Zack treating her with the old contempt. ‘I can’t do that, Zack,’ she told him quietly. ‘Your mother needs a good night’s rest and I’ve offered to look after the children while she does so.’

‘You’re refusing to leave even though you know I don’t want you there?’ he said harshly. ‘Yes,’ she answered simply. ‘I’ll talk to you when I get back,’ he bit out coldly. ‘Is my mother available?’ ‘She’s upstairs,’ Cynara told him flatly. ‘Then I’ll have to talk to you both tomorrow,’ he rasped. ‘I’ll still be here helping your mother,’ she informed him without emotion. His only reply to her obstinacy was to ring off abruptly, further evidence of his displeasure at her being at his mother’s house with his children. Nothing had really changed between them, she had been a fool to think it had, Zack was still

terrified she would contaminate that part of his life that he kept separate from her. He had continued to visit his mother’s house to be with his children alone the last two weekends, but their reunions when he returned had been so warm—and she had hoped, loving—that she hadn’t really felt excluded. She did now.

‘Did you get through to the hotel in Paris?’ Alice came back into the lounge after checking on the children. Cynara braced her shoulders, forcing a bright smile to her lips. ‘Zack has been delayed there, he should be back some time tomorrow.’

‘Did he mind your being here?’ his mother asked anxiously. There was no need to worry Zack’s mother with his anger just yet, better to let her have a trouble-free night, and then they could both face him when he arrived tomorrow. ‘No,’ she blatantly lied.

‘Michael is awake again, by the way,’ his grandmother sighed. ‘He wants you.’ Playing a lively game of snakes and ladders with Michael until he became sleepy again was exactly what she needed to take her mind off Zack. Then it was Kelly’s turn to waken, feeling irritable and hot, just wanting to be cuddled until she felt like sleeping again. The little girl was spontaneously affectionate, and at the end of the long night Cynara knew that both Kelly and Michael held a special place in her heart.

‘You look exhausted.’ Alice came into the nursery as she was trying to coax the two children into eating some breakfast. ‘You should have woken me,’ she scolded anxiously as she looked at the dark circles beneath Cynara’s eyes. It had been a long night, one or both of the children awake most of the time. But it had kept her occupied, her thoughts away from Zack, and she knew that this morning she was too tired to be able to think of him, to decide what she was going to do now.

‘I’ll let you take the morning shift,’ she smiled. ‘While I catch up on some sleep.’ As she had known she would she fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow, a heavy dreamless sleep that was rudely interrupted as the bedroom door was slammed.

‘I thought I told you to leave,’ Zack attacked without preamble, towering over the bed. Cynara took several seconds to blink the sleep from her eyes, the bedside clock telling her she had been asleep for only two hours. It wasn’t enough for her to feel at all rested, and she turned on him just as angrily. ‘I’m not some sort of lapdog who jumps when you say jump and leaves when you say leave,’ she snapped, swinging her legs to the floor as she sat up. His mouth twisted, lines of weariness about his own eyes. ‘I don’t want you here, Cynara,’ he snapped.

‘I don’t remember asking your permission,’ she scorned. ‘Michael and Kelly are my children—’ ‘And you weren’t here when they needed you,’ Her eyes flashed. ‘It was only measles—’ ‘Have you ever had the measles, Zack?’ she challenged. ‘You itch all over when you shouldn’t

scratch, feel hot and irritable, and you’re in the foulest mood possible.’

‘It does sound uncomfortable—’ ‘It is. Very,’ she added abruptly. ‘Then why expose yourself to the risk of getting it?’ ‘I’ve already had it,’ she dismissed impatiently. ‘But even if I hadn’t I would still have come. Your mother couldn’t cope alone.’ She looked at him sharply. ‘Have you spoken to her?’

‘Yes,’ he confirmed grimly. ‘I hope you haven’t upset her,’ C ynara frowned. ‘I offered to come here, she didn’t ask me to.’

‘She had no right involving you in the first p l a c e — ’ ‘ She needed help and I was only too glad to be able to give it,’ Cynara insisted firmly. ‘And now that I’m back I’m telling you to leave,’ he grated. ‘Does your mother want me to go?’ He stiffened. ‘My- mother’s feelings have nothing to do with this.’

‘The children’s either?’ ‘I’ll engage a nurse to take care of them, two nurses,’ he insisted grimly. ‘So that I’ll be free to return to London with you?’ She shook her head sadly, the decision she had never wanted to have to make taken out of her hands. ‘I don’t think so, Zack,’ she said wearily. His eyes narrowed. ‘What do you mean?’ She drew in a ragged breath. ‘I mean I’m not returning to the apartment in London with you when I leave here.’

‘We have a deal ‘And I’m ending it.’ Her eyes flashed. ‘Why?’ ‘Because I’ve just realised that I value the self-respect of someone I care about!’ she flared. ‘Who?’ he ground out.

‘Myself!’ She looked at him challengingly. She finally knew that she couldn’t go on living with Zack being treated as no more than a possession, someone he told what to do and expected it to be done. She loved him, she would always love him, but this Zack who turned on her at the slightest provocation wasn’t the man she loved. Zack’s mouth tightened at that challenge. ‘Where do you intend going?’ he demanded to know. She shrugged. ‘I’ll find myself an apartment somewhere, maybe even try to get a job working with children until I can sing again; I’ve suddenly discovered that I’m quite good with them. Probably because of my background.’

‘And money?’ he bit out. ‘What do you intend doing for money?’ She hesitated, longing to tell him of the bank account that contained more than enough money for her to support herself until such time as she could sing again. But she held back, knowing that such information would bring about too many questions, questions she didn’t want to answer. ‘I can live on a normal wage if I have to,’ she told him stiffly.

‘Can you?’ She flushed. ‘Yes!’

‘You didn’t seem to think you could before,’ he scorned. ‘Living with you is one thing, Zack,’ she snapped. ‘Being treated like a paid whore is another!’ ‘You want my respect, is that it?’ he derided contemptuously. ‘No,’ she answered softly. ‘Because I know now I’ll never have that.’ ‘Did you think you ever would?’ he scoffed. ‘I hoped,’ she admitted wearily. ‘But now it’s all over. I’ll stay on here and help your mother with the children—’ ‘Not my children you won’t,’ he told her harshly. She raised auburn brows. ‘You intend taking them away from here?’

‘Of course not,’ he snapped impatiently. ‘But this is my house—’ ‘Your mother’s house,’ she corrected softly. ‘And I don’t think she’ll mind my staying on here until the children are better.’ His mouth tightened ominously. ‘We’ll see about that!’ He turned on his heel and left the room. Cynara finally gave in to the tears that engulfed her, knowing she had broken the fragile link between them for good.

CHAPTER EIGHT SHE was proved right regarding Alice Buchanan’s feelings about her staying on to look after the children, the older woman agreed readily. But the last thing Cynara wanted was to cause friction between mother and son. And from the stormy light in Zack’s eyes that evening as he glowered across the table at his mother before abruptly leaving for his study, that was exactly what she had done.

‘Maybe I should go, after all,’ she grimaced, absently stirring her spoon round and round in her cup of coffee even though she didn’t take sugar. ‘Don’t be silly,’ Alice dismissed. ‘If Zack chooses to behave in this ridiculously sulky way then that’s his problem. You’ve been a tremendous help to me with the children; I couldn’t have coped without you.’

‘But now that Zack is back he could get a nurse for them—’ ‘Neither Michael nor Kelly want a nurse here,’ Alice said firmly. ‘It took bribery and corruption to get Michael to allow you to leave his bedroom long enough to join us for dinner this evening.’ She had been deeply touched—and surprised—At how possessive Michael had grown over her in such a short time. ‘He’s very like his father,’ she smiled.

‘Sometimes they can seem the same age,’ Alice acknowledged dryly. ‘And I’m not referring to those times Michael seems too old for his ten years,’ she added pointedly. Cynara couldn’t help laughing. ‘Zack is a little angry with me, I’m afraid.’

‘So I’ve noticed,’ his mother derided. ‘He’s a little angr y w ith me, too,’ she add ed u nconcernedly. ‘Most men would be pleased that the woman in their life has taken such an interest in their children.’

‘I’m no longer the "woman in Zack’s life",’ she told Alice softly. The older woman frowned. ‘He ended things between you because you refused to leave Michael and Kelly?’ She sighed. ‘I’m afraid I’m the one who finished things between us,’ she admitted ruefully. ‘I’ll probably regret it later.’ She regretted it already! ‘But at the time it seemed the only thing to do’

‘Zack can behave so stupidly at times,’ his mother said impatiently. ‘But I told you—’ ‘If Zack were acting like a normal man in love you wouldn’t have felt it were the only decision you could make,’ Alice snapped, angry with her son.

‘Zack isn’t in love with me,’ she shook her head sadly. ‘Nonsense, he’s always been in love with you,’ Alice dismissed briskly. ‘I’m ashamed that a son of mine can have made such a complete mess of his life through his own stubbornness.

‘Zack is a successful man—’ ‘In everything but the things that matter, such as having a wife, caring for his children, of making them happy.’ Alice frowned. ‘The only time I’ve ever seen him truly happy was when the two of you were together five years ago. Three months happiness out of thirty-eight years isn’t a very good record!’

‘He loves his children—’ ‘But he doesn’t show them that,’ she sighed. ‘I mustn’t burden you with these things, I’ve already taken enough advantage of your kindness.’ ‘Alice, if there’s anything I can do ...?’ The faded blue eyes looked at her piercingly. ‘Cynara, do you love my son?’ Delicate colour darkened her cheeks. ‘I always have,’ she replied truthfully.

‘Then don’t give up on him.’ Her small hand covered Cynara’s pleadingly. ‘I know he can be a

stubborn and hurtful man, but he does care for you.’

‘No,’ she shook her head sadly. ‘No man who cared for me could treat me the way Zack has since I met him again. I thought I could cope with it, that I loved him enough for it not to matter that he hated me even though he still desired me. But I can’t do it any more.’ Alice looked sad. ‘What a stupid, stupid man my son is.’

‘Thank you, Mother,’ an icy voice interrupted them, Zack turning glacial eyes on the stricken Cynara. ‘Just what have you been telling my mother about us?’ he rasped. She swallowed hard, wondering just how much of their conversation he had heard. But if he had heard her declaration of love it didn’t seem to matter to him!

‘Our conversation was private, Zack.’ It was his mother that answered him. ‘I just wish you had had a few more smacks as a child, maybe then you wouldn’t be so arrogant.’ His mouth twisted. ‘You didn’t believe in physical punishment, Mother, remember?’ She stood up. ‘I’m beginning to think, after seeing how disastrously selfish you’ve become, that maybe I was wrong.’ She swept out of the room with a haughty tilt to her regal head. Zack stared at the unflinching Cynara for long timeless seconds. ‘Do you agree with my mother?’ he finally asked coldly. ‘About how selfish I am?’

‘Your children need—’ ‘We aren’t talking about Michael and Kelly,’ he interrupted tersely. Her mouth tightened. ‘Doesn’t the way you’ve just dismissed two young people who love you speak for itself?’ she snapped, also standing up to leave. Zack grasped her arm painfully as she would have walked past him. ‘You aren’t walking out on me,’ he told her gratingly. ‘I swore five years ago that if we ever met again you would never walk out on me again! Our arrangements stands, do you understand?’ She looked up at him disbelievingly. ‘You can’t mean that.’

‘I never back out of a deal, and you aren’t going to either!’ His eyes glittered dangerously. ‘My mother has given you the room down the hall from mine, I’ll join you as soon as I’ve cleared away in the study.’

‘No,’ she cried. ‘Yes,’ he said with satisfaction. ‘You belong to me, just as my car and apartment do.’ She wrenched out of his grasp, looking at him with disgust. ‘I don’t know why I ever agreed to that arrangement—’

‘Money, my dear,’ he drawled insultingly. ‘These things happen when you put a price on yourself.’ Cynara felt ill, turning to run up the stairs, not stopping until she reached the bedroom Alice had allotted to her, trembling violently as she leant back against the door, turning to check the lock. There was no key! It wasn’t normal in English households to have keys in bedroom doors, although at the moment Cynara wished she knew where they were kept! Well, she wouldn’t be here waiting for Zack like a whore he had bought for the night,

leaving the bedroom to go to Michael, having promised the boy a game of chess after dinner. The two of them were deeply engrossed in the game, Michael genuinely, Cynara fiercely pretending be to, when she sensed a presence behind them.

‘Daddy!’ Michael glowingly confirmed her feeling as he smiled at his father over her shoulder. ‘Come and see how I’m beating Cynara at chess.’ She didn’t have to look up to see Zack standing at the bedside, she could feel him there!

‘Strange,’ he drawled slowly. ‘Cynara is usually very good at strategy games.’ Her head went back sharply at the mockery in his voice. ‘Perhaps I’m saving all my knowledge of evasion for a different game,’ she returned as enigmatically as he.

‘That’s a good idea,’ Michael put in excitedly. ‘Daddy can play the winner.’ Cynara looked up at Zack challengingly. ‘Well, Zack?’ she taunted. ‘Do you want to play the winner?’ His mouth twisted. ‘I don’t think so,’ he met her gaze steadily. ‘I’ll concede this round to you.’

‘But Cynara’s losing.’ Michael frowned his puzzlement at their conversation. ‘I don’t think so,’ Zack told her softly before turning to his son. ‘I’ll give you a game once you and Cynara have finished.’ Michael looked more puzzled than ever. ‘But you just said—’

‘I’ll concede this game to you, Michael,’ Cynara cut in lightly, standing up, avoiding all contact with Zack as he stood so close. ‘I’ll be staying with Michael,’ Zack told her softly as he took her place on the bed. She nodded. ‘I’ll just go and check on Kelly. Good night, Michael.’ "Night,’ he returned absently, setting up the chess-board to play his father. She hesitated at the door, watching father and son gaze with equal attention at the board in front of them, so alike it was heart-wrenching. Zack turned as he sensed she still stood there. ‘We’ll both see you at breakfast,’ he said softly. He couldn’t have told her any more clearly than that that he didn’t intend to fulfill his threat to come to her room. She didn’t know why he had changed his mind, she was just grateful that he had. Kelly was sleeping peacefully, her spots less vivid now, her gold curls spread out on the pillow behind her. She was a very affectionate child, seeming unaffected as yet by the fact that her father wasn’t so easy to give love to. Zack had his mother to thank for that, the elderly lady showering love on both her grandchildren. Cynara had trouble falling asleep, was plagued with doubts about her future. No matter what Zack said to the contrary she would not resume their relationship, and she didn’t care if she never sang another note, feeling like an unmoored ship floating with the tide, unsure of where she would eventually end up. The children’s progress was swift after the first few days of uncomfortableness, and then it became even more difficult to keep them entertained, both of them still tiring easily,

becoming cross and irritable at those times. Zack was still staying at the house, travelling to and from his office every day, Alice seeming pleased by the amount of time he was now spending with the children, although he looked a little tired and strained from the amount of travelling he was having to do. Between Cynara and him there existed a state of cool politeness, the threat to visit her bedroom never materialising, not even once the children were safely sleeping through the night. As Michael neared complete recovery he became rude and defiant once more, things coming to a clash of temperaments on the seventh day of Cynara’s visit. And it was over something as silly as the rice pudding he was served for dessert on his luncheon tray in the nursery!

‘Take it away,’ he instructed the maid. ‘Please,’ Cynara reproved sharply. Michael’s expression was mutinous. ‘I won’t say please. That’s what servants are for!’ Cynara held back the angry rebuke with effort, taking the tray from the uncomfortable-looking maid. ‘Thank you, Laura,’ she smiled warmly at the young girl. ‘I’m afraid he’s still feeling irritable,’ she apologised for the boy’s rudeness before the young maid gratefully left the room.

‘I am not feeling irritable—’ ‘I’m well aware of that,’ Cynara bit out coldly, putting the tray down on the table in front of him. ‘And as soon as you’ve eaten your lunch, all of it,’ she added with emphasis, ‘you can go downstairs and apologise to Laura.’

‘I will not,’ he declared rebelliously. ‘Oh yes,’ Cynara contradicted softly. ‘You will.’ ‘No—’ ‘Michael, your grandmother and father may be opposed to physical punishment,’ she acknowledged calmly, ‘but I am not!’ He flushed. ‘You wouldn’t dare hit me!’

‘Wouldn’t .I?’ She had been expecting this outburst of rudeness for several days now, knew that at first Michael had been feeling too ill to question her presence here, but that now he was almost well again his resentment towards her was back in full force.

‘I ’ d tel l m y grand mo ther,’ he told her defiantly. ‘So would I,’ she drawled, relieved that the wide-eyed Kelly had gone on a drive with her grandmother and so wasn’t witness to this scene. ‘ A n d w h e n I t e l l h e r t h e r e a s o n f o r t h e punishment she may just think I’ve been too lenient on you.’

‘Daddy wouldn’t let you punish me!’ ‘No, he probably wouldn’t,’ she conceded. ‘But then he isn’t here to stop me is he?’ she challenged mildly.

‘I’ll tell him when he gets home,’ Michael snapped. ‘But it will be too late to do anything about it by then,’ she reasoned blandly. ‘Now eat your lunch

and then go down and tell Laura you’re—Michael, no!’ she cried just as his luncheon tray made contact with the nursery wall and he burst into tears. ‘Michael!’ she gathered him into her arms, holding him close as he continued to sob. ‘Michael, tell me what’s wrong?’ She knew she had sadly misjudged the situation, that Michael’s resentment wasn’t aimed at her at all. If it had been the tray would have come in her direction! ‘Michael,’ she prompted more firmly as he couldn’t seem to stop crying.

‘It’s been so nice here,’ he choked against her breast. ‘Being with Kelly, and grandmother, and— and you,’ he admitted grudgingly. ‘And Daddy’s been living here like he used to. And—and—I don’t want to go back to school!’ Cynara drew in a deep breath. ‘Michael

‘Don’t tell me it’s good for me.’ He pulled out of her arms, his face still tear-stained and pale.

‘I wasn’t going to,’ she comforted gently, not believing it was when it could reduce him to this state.

‘I hate it there. I want to stay here!’ ‘Have you talked to your father about it?’ ‘He isn’t interested!’ Michael snapped. ‘As soon as I’m back at school and Nanny is back to take care of Kelly he can go back to London and forget about us!’ ‘He doesn’t forget about you, Michael

‘

‘Oh no?’ he challenged brittly. ‘He was in America for my birthday this year, and in Greece for Kelly’s!’

‘That doesn’t mean he forgets you,’ she reasoned. ‘He’s a busy man. But he took the time to take you to see your other grandparents in Australia during the summer,’ she reminded.

‘Nanny took us,’ Michael informed her flatly. ‘Daddy just brought us home after visiting one of his hotels in Sydney.’ Oh, Zack! Her head ached for what he was doing to his children—and himself. Didn’t he realise how blessed he was, how very lucky he was to have two such beautiful children? —’

‘I think he does,’ the young boy blazed. ‘I think he wishes he had never had me!’ ‘Michael, no!’ she protested brokenly. Rebellious green eyes challenged her. ‘Can you think of any other reason why he ignores us?’ ‘Michael—’ ‘Or why he sends me to that school when he knows I hate it?’ He was pale with his pain. ‘Michael, he hated school too, but it’s a necessary evil ‘He didn’t go to a boarding-school,’ the young boy protested. ‘There’s a really good dayschool only three miles from here. If I went there I could still live here with Kelly and grandmother. But he won’t listen to me,’ Michael said bitterly.

‘Perhaps he thinks it would be too much for your grandmother to cope—’ ‘He doesn’t,’ the boy insisted flatly. ‘He sends me there because he doesn’t like me.’

Cynara bit down on her bottom lip, the pain she was inflicting distracting her from taking Michael in her arms and cuddling him until his hurt went away. They had become tentative friends the last few days, but she knew he would flinch from her if she gave in to her instincts and took him in her arms again.

‘Michael, you know that isn’t true,’ she reproved as he blushed uncomfortably. ‘It just isn’t easy for your father to bring up two children on his own.’

‘He could get married again,’ the boy suggested eagerly. ‘I bet you wouldn’t send me to boardingschool.’ She swallowed hard. ‘As there’s no possibility of my ever marrying your father that surmise— or the truth of it—is irrelevant.’ He gave a defeated sigh. ‘Then I suppose I had better go and pack my things. No doubt Daddy will want to pack me off to school again over the weekend.’

‘And Laura?’ she prompted. His face coloured bright red. ‘I’ll go down and apologise to her.’ He looked ruefully at the mess of his lunch down the wall and over the carpet. ‘I’ll also bring something up to clean up the mess.’ He hesitated at the door. ‘Would you really have hit me?’ She quirked auburn brows. ‘Do you think you deserved to be hit?’

‘Yes,’ he mumbled. ‘Then you have your answer,’ she nodded. ‘Rudeness to a young ‘girl who, because she’s employed by your grandmother, can’t retaliate, is unforgivable.’ ‘Yes,’ he acknowledged with a sigh. ‘I won’t be long.’ Cynara determined then and there to attempt to get through to Zack once more. If he wouldn’t listen to her then he wouldn’t, but at least she would have tried. The opportunity wouldn’t be easy to find, Zack, for the most part, ignoring her presence in his mother’s house. He was home even later than usual that evening, looking tired and weary as he went upstairs to say good night to Kelly, Michael old enough and well enough to join them for dinner. She had doubts about tonight being the right time to talk to Zack even if the opportunity did arise, as he added nothing to the conversation, eating in brooding silence, seeming lost in thought. As had become a nightly ritual the last week she took Michael up to bed shortly after nine, turning back his bedclothes and laying out his pyjamas while he had a bath. It had become a special time, a time she would miss once she left here. And now that Michael would be returning to school, and Kelly was once again in the care of her recovered nanny, she had no further reason to stay. Tears blurred her vision at the thought of leaving the two children she had come to love, knowing she would miss the company of Alice Buchanan too, the two of them becoming firm friends. But the period of helping while the children were sick was over, and if she wanted to talk to Zack she knew it would have to be soon, he surely demanding that she leave his mother’s house now that the children were well again. Her opportunity came when she returned downstairs, a stony-faced Zack informing her that his mother had retired to her room with a headache.

‘I hope it isn’t anything serious?’ Cynara asked concernedly.

‘Just overtired,’ he dismissed with a shrug of his broad shoulders, moving to the array of drinks on the side-table. ‘Would you like something?’ he offered stiffly.

‘No, thanks.’ She looked down at her hands, knowing it was now or never. ‘Zack, I’d like to talk to you—’ ‘Cynara, I’d like to talk to you—’They both broke off as they began talking at the same time, looking at each other awkwardly.

‘You first,’ Zack invited smoothly as he took his seat next to her on the sofa, turning so that his arm was resting on the brocade material behind her back.

‘No, please,’ she invited, wanting to delay the moment he predictably exploded at her for her interference for as long as she possibly could. He shrugged, swallowing down some of his whisky, ‘I just wanted to thank you for the help you’ve been while the children were ill.’ His voice was gruff. ‘I don’t think we could have managed without you.’ He saw her surprise reflected in her eyes, his mouth twisting ruefully. ‘I know this is contrary to what I said before, but I freely admit that my mother couldn’t have coped alone, and the children accepted you much more readily than they would have a nurse.’

‘Thank you.’ She had been thrown completely off-balance by what amounted to an apology. Now you,’ he invited abruptly, staring down at his glass. ‘God, do you have any idea what it’s been like trying to sleep just down the hall from you?’ he burst into further speech before she could collect her thoughts together. ‘Do you know how much I’ve wanted you?’ Her face was flushed. ‘I’ve been expecting you to carry out your threat all week.’

‘Which is precisely why I haven’t.’ He stood up in forceful movements, turning to look down at her with darkened eyes. ‘Can I share your bed with you tonight?’

‘Zack—’ ‘Please!’ He closed his eyes, very tense as he waited for her answer. ‘I won’t even touch you if you don’t want me to, I just want you next to me tonight!’ She frowned. ‘I don’t understand ...’ He moved to pull her to her feet, his gaze holding hers. ‘I’m asking if I can sleep next to you tonight. I’ve found our business arrangement as unsatisfactory as you have,’ he rasped. ‘Revenge may be sweet, but there’s no pleasure in sharing a bed with a woman you know has been forced there by circumstances. I want—I’m asking if I could just sleep with you one night knowing your reasons for being there aren’t mercenary, or you aren’t being paid to do so. If you say no—’

‘I’m not going to say no, Zack,’ she interrupted quietly, stunned by his vulnerability, his hands tightening on her shoulders as she looked up at him steadily. ‘As long as you understand that there are no ulterior motives behind my acceptance, that tonight is just—tonight.’

‘Agreed,’ he nodded, looking at her tensely. She smiled tremulously. ‘Then I would be honoured to share my bed with you.’ Ther e was still a little wariness in his questioning eyes, but she reached up and .began to kiss him, feeling the shudder of his body as with a groan he returned the caress. Desire rapidly spiralled out of control, mouths possessing, hands searching, their heated emotions making them both tremble.

Zack rested his forehead against hers. ‘At this rate we aren’t going to make it as far as the bedroom,’ he murmured ruefully. She looked up at him with glowing eyes. ‘In that case we had better go upstairs now, I wouldn’t want to shock anyone.’ Their progress up the stairs was slow, stopping often to kiss each other with a longing that only made them want to kiss each other again, clothes dropping to the floor once they reached her room, gazes locked in the moonlight, flesh searing flesh as they moved into each other’s arms. It was a magical night, a night of gentle caresses and whispered appreciation for the beauty of each other’s body, for the pleasure those bodies gave each of them. For Cynara it was like returning five years, to the time when they had been in love, when their needs had been freely expressed and appeased. She lay awake in the darkness long after Zack had fallen into a deep sleep, his head resting against her breasts, just revelling in the closeness he had allowed them tonight, not wanting to miss a moment of this time they were together, knowing it would be the last. Zack hadn’t moved when she woke the next morning, although as if becoming aware of her wakefulness, he raised his head to look down at her. ‘Thank you,’ he murmured gravely.

‘Thank you,’ she gave a tentative smile. His, hand cupped her cheek. ‘I’ve been laying here thinking, among other things,’ he added leeringly, ‘that you never did finish what you wanted to say last night.’ She frowned, her brow clearing as she remembered their stilted conversation. ‘I was going to talk to you about Michael—’

‘Michael?’ Zack instantly stiffened, his expression guarded. ‘What could you want to talk to me about concerning my son?’ He seemed to use that possessiveness as a weapon against her, and she could feel their brief, ecstatic, closeness fading. ‘He and I have become friends, he’s confided in me—’

‘How nice!’ Zack bit out with sarcasm. ‘And just what has he confided in you?’ ‘Zack, don’t be like this,’ she pleaded. ‘I’m afraid that if you don’t soon listen to him about hating school he’s going to do something silly.’ His mouth tightened. ‘I believe we’ve had this conversation before—’

‘That doesn’t make it any less important!’ she said heatedly. ‘And was last night an effort on your part to make me more receptive to your pleas on Michael’s behalf?’ he scorned, moving away from her to get out of the bed and begin dressing.

‘Does that fit in with the mercenary you believe me to be?’ she derided hardly. ‘Compassion for a boy?’ His eyes flashed like emeralds as he turned on her. ‘How should I know? Maybe you can’t go to bed with a man without having a reason for doing so!’ Her eyes became a dull brown, her expression resigned. ‘If that’s the opinion you have of me then we have nothing more to say to each other,’ she told him flatly. He seemed to hesitate. ‘Cynara ...?’

‘Is that what you believe, Zack, truly believe?’ she said earnestly. His mouth compressed. ‘I know you, remember, I know the lengths you’ll go to.’

‘Yes,’ she acknowledged abruptly. ‘Would you please tell your mother and the children that I shall be leaving this morning?’

‘Don’t let me force you into going,’ he scorned. ‘You haven’t,’ she looked at him steadily. ‘Our deal is null and void, the children are better, so I’m going back to London.’ ‘Other fish to fry, Cynara?’ he derided. ‘Or should I say, other fools to ensnare?’ ‘You can say what you like,’ she told him dully. ‘None of it hurts me any more.’ ‘No,’ he grated. ‘I don’t suppose it does!’ He slammed out of the room. Cynara was too numb to cry, too numb to do anything but get out of bed and begin to pack her things.

CHAPTER NINE ‘ BUT you can’t go,’ Michael protested. ‘I want you to stay here.’ After packing her things she had come up to Michael’s room and calmly explained to him that she would be leaving that morning, Zack not seeming to have made any effort to explain it to him, himself. Michael’s reaction now was not calm. ‘Michael, you must have realised I couldn’t stay on here indefinitely

‘Why can’t you?’ he demanded. ‘I thought you would at least be here when I come home for the weekends.’

‘I have to leave, Michael,’ she repeated gently. ‘And Daddy will go back to London too,’ he said bitterly. ‘Forgetting once again that we exist.’

‘That isn’t true,’ she reprimanded. He glared at her. ‘You’re sure to be on his side,’ he accused. ‘Adults always stick together.’

‘Michael, I know your father loves you ‘Do you?’ he scoffed. ‘Do you know how often I’ve seen him the last week? I’ve counted the minutes he spent with me.’ He was becoming very agitated. ‘Two hundred-and-ten minutes—and fifty-nine of them were the evening he played chess with me!’ Put like that it didn’t sound very much. Zack was a busy man, and travelling up to London and back each day took up quite a lot of his time, but even so two-hundred-and-ten minutes in a whole week spent with his son wasn’t much at all. And Kelly fared even worse, only up long enough in the evenings to receive a brief good night from him when he got home. She was aware of the fact that a lot of parents couldn’t spend as much time with their children as they wanted to, but Zack made no effort to. She also knew there was absolutely nothing she could do about it, that Zack had made it plain he

wouldn’t listen to her. And neither she nor Alice could make him love his children as he should.

‘Well at least you won,’ she lightly teased Michael. He scowled. ‘He probably let me win so that he wouldn’t have to stay too long!’ He probably had let Michael win, but not for that reason, she felt sure. ‘That was unfair, Michael,’ she reproved. He looked rebellious. ‘You’re the best thing he’s ever done for Kelly and me, and now he’s sending you away!’

‘He isn’t,’ she gently explained. ‘I have my own life, Michael, and it’s my own decision to leave.’ He still looked unconvinced. ‘I think I hate Daddy,’ he ground out.

‘Of course you don’t,’ she snapped. ‘You can’t decide you hate someone every time you don’t get your own way. A few weeks ago you didn’t like me either!’

‘And now I do,’ he said sulkily. ‘You’re fun, like Mummy was. Kelly likes you too.’ Both children had come to mean so much to her, and if Michael thought this parting was easy for her he was very much mistaken. Children often forgot in time; she knew she would never forget Michael and Kelly, Alice either. And Zack’s memory was forever imprinted on her heart.’You’ll see me again, Michael—’

‘You’re just saying that,’ he guessed resentfully. She sighed. ‘I really would like to see you again, Michael—’

‘How touching,’ drawled a mocking voice, both of them turning guiltily towards Zack. His eyes were icy as he looked at Cynara. ‘I see you couldn’t wait for me to tell Michael of your plans. Have you quite finished poisoning him against me?’ She gasped at the injustice of that accusation.

‘She doesn’t need to do that,’ Michael told his father before she could formulate an answer. ‘I know you hate me, and Kelly will soon realise you hate her, too.’ ‘Michael—’ ‘Michael ...?’ Cynara’s shocked reprimand halted at the sound of Zack’s pained despair, having the look of a man who had just been struck by someone he loved.

‘Well, it’s true,’ Michael accused. ‘You didn’t want me when you and Mummy separated, and when she died you didn’t want Kelly or me. We’re just a responsibility you don’t want or need.’ He glared at his father with rebellious green eyes. Cynara’s heart ached for the pain on Zack’s face, and yet she knew he deserved some of Michael’s barbs, had tried to tell him herself that it might one day come to this. She hadn’t expected that day to come quite this soon. Although perhaps it was better that it had, the two of them still had time to bond a loving relationship if they tried.

‘I did want you, Michael,’ Zack spoke quietly.

‘ But your mother and I agreed you would be better off with her—’ ‘No one asked me if I agreed!’ Michael flared. ‘You were only five—’ ‘I was old enough to feel,’ he accused. ‘And I wanted to stay with you.’ Zack looked stunned by the attack. ‘We didn’t know that ...’

‘You didn’t care enough to ask,’ Michael told him emotionally. ‘You never have!’ ‘Michael—’ ‘I think I’ll go down and talk to your mother,’ Cynara told Zack softly, knowing she was intruding on a private moment between father and son. Michael needed to unburden all his anger and frustration on to his father, and they could both achieve that better if she wasn’t there. Michael suddenly looked very young. ‘I’d rather you stayed,’ he said almost pleadingly. Zack suddenly looked all of his thirty-eight years to her, his face haggard, an uncharacteristic vulnerability in the dark green eyes. ‘I think your father wants to talk to you alone, Michael—’

‘No, he doesn’t,’ the young boy dismissed scathingly. ‘He’s only going to send me back to school.’ He scowled. ‘And I’ll have to go. I wish I were grown up,’ he added frustratedly. ‘Then I could do exactly what I wanted!’

‘It doesn’t always work that way,’ his father told him dully, his voice tinged with bitterness. Michael eyed him resentfully. ‘I certainly wouldn’t have to go to that school!’

‘No,’ his father conceded. ‘You wouldn’t. Would you like to tell me why it is you hate it so much?’ he prompted softly.

‘What’s the point?’ Michael muttered. ‘You’ll only send me back there anyway.’ ‘Maybe,’ Zack nodded. ‘But then again, maybe not. It depends what your reasons are for not wanting to go back.’ Michael looked confused, looking at Cynara for guidance; she deliberately kept her expression blank. Michael had turned to her because he felt his father couldn’t, or didn’t want to, understand his feelings; she didn’t want to come between them now, not when they were finally so close to coming to an understanding. She was confident that all Zack needed to do was talk to Michael, knew that he wasn’t really the coldly unfeeling man Michael believed him to be, knew that Michael knew it too.

‘I’ll be downstairs,’ she repeated, quietly leaving the room. Alice was in the small sitting-room reading the newspaper when Cynara joined her, instantly putting it to one side to smile across the room at her, frowning a little at how pale Cynara looked. ‘Anything wrong, my dear?’

‘Zack and Michael are upstairs talking,’ she replied in a distracted voice. ‘About time too,’ Alice said sternly. She smiled slightly. ‘I think Michael thought so too.’

‘And Zack?’ She shrugged. ‘Who knows what Zack thinks,’ she dismissed bitterly.

‘That’s true,’ his mother grimaced. ‘Have you had breakfast?’ ‘I don’t want any.’ She shook her head. ‘Zack tells me you’re leaving this morning,’ Alice probed. She swallowed hard. ‘Yes.’

‘To go where?’ ‘Back to London.’ ‘Do you want to go?’ Alice asked with her usual bluntness. ‘I have to go!’ For her own sanity! ‘Because of Zack,’ Alice nodded. ‘I can understand that. But what about the children?’ She moistened her lips. ‘What about them?’

‘They need you, my dear.’ And she needed them, had revelled in their uncomplicated love this last week. ‘They’re Zack’s children,’ she sighed. ‘And he doesn’t want me here any more.’

‘This is my house—’ ‘I may have clutched at that excuse last time, Alice,’ she gave a sad smile, ‘but not any more. Zack resents the affection Michael and Kelly show me; I’m only making things worse between him and them by staying here.’

‘Surely that isn’t possible,’ his mother dismissed scathingly. ‘If this talk with Michael turns out as I hope it will the last thing Zack is going to need is me around to cloud the issue.’ ‘Then I repeat where will you go? What will you do?’ She shrugged. ‘I thought of working with children, but if not that then I could always go back to singing—’

’ No!’ Zack rasped from the doorway. ‘That’s something you won’t do!’ She turned to him with startled eyes, unable to read anything from his expression.

‘Mother, would you please leave us alone for a few minutes?’ he requested tersely. ‘Of course.’ She stood up. ‘But I think I should warn you that if you make Cynara leave here I shall feel compelled to go, too. Perhaps I’ll go on that cruise I’ve been promising myself for so long.’

’Alice—’ ‘ Yo u seem to have made that decision unanimous, Mother,’ Zack drawled without rancour. Cynara looked at him warily. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Mother?’ he prompted her departure, turning back to Cynara after she had done so. ‘Michael has just informed me that if you go he does too,’ he related calmly.

‘Oh no,’ she groaned her dismay. ‘Kelly may be a little young to leave home yet, but I’m sure if she were asked she would say the same thing,’ he said derisively.

‘Your talk with Michael didn’t go well?’ she frowned; she had had such high hopes of that talk. ‘On the contrary, it went very well, but his decision concerning you stands. As all of my family have threatened to walk out if you go I think you may as well stay.’

‘No—’ ‘You can’t go back to your career yet,’ he rasped. ‘You know it would finish you!’ ‘Why should you care?’ she said bitterly. ‘You said you might get a job working with children until you can sing again,’ he bit out. ‘Why not Michael and Kelly?’ She blinked. ‘Michael and Kelly?’

‘Why don’t you stay and work with them?’ ‘They already have a nanny,’ she frowned. ‘But they want their friend.’ He sighed. ‘I’d be paying you to stay with them—’ ‘I don’t want your money!’ she flared as he once again insulted her. ‘You’re misunderstanding me,’ he said grimly, moving to the array of drinks on the side. ‘Isn’t it a little early in the day for that?’ she frowned as he downed a liberal measure of whisky. ‘I need something, and it may have escaped your notice but I’ve stopped smoking,’ he scowled. ‘I noticed,’ she mumbled, and she had. Not since that night at the hotel had he smoked in her presence. ‘Cynara, the children want you to stay, my mother wants you to stay, and you said you wanted a job with children; it sounds like the ideal arrangement to me!’

‘And you, what do you want?’ she asked quietly. For a brief moment his eyes blazed like emeralds, then they became dull again. ‘My wants aren’t important. You could be a tremendous help to Michael during the transition he has to make between schools.’

‘You aren’t going to send him back to Windmuir?’ Pleasure radiated her face. ‘I’m not a complete ogre, Cynara,’ he told her wearily. ‘Although God knows I’ve been made to feel like one! Michael starts at a school a few miles from here next week. I’ve spoken to the headmaster and all the arrangements have been made.’ Her elation was dampened slightly by the look of defeat on his face. ‘I’m sure Michael will be

happier there,’ she tried to reassure him.

‘I’m sure you’re right.’ He ran a tired hand through the darkness of his hair. ‘Are the two of you—Have you sorted out your differences now?’ she asked tentatively. ‘We’ve—talked. Now we both need time to think over what’s been said. I’m going back to London—’ ‘No,’ she shook her head. ‘For a few days,’ he finished pointedly. ‘Staying here now isn’t going to achieve anything, not the way things are. And I need time to think, to work out where we go from here. Talking to Michael has convinced me he needs a full-time parent, and after shirking the responsibility for so many years I have several things to sort out before I can move down here permanently. Will you stay with them while I’m gone?’

‘A mercenary like me?’ she reminded softly. ‘Aren’t you afraid I might be a bad influence on them?’ His mouth tightened. Will you do this one last thing for me?’ he rasped. ‘I know I don’t have the right to ask it of you, but—’

‘Have I ever denied you anything?’ ‘Just one thing,’ he bit out. She blushed as she realised he meant her refusal to marry him five years ago. ‘If you want me to stay with the children then I will—but I don’t want any money for doing it,’ she added warningly. His expression darkened. ‘You’ll be working for me—’

‘If you insist on paying me I shall have to leave,’ she told him adamantly, past caring that he might find this a strange request after what he had believed of her. Puzzlement flickered in the depths of his eyes before he shrugged defeatedly. ‘All right,’ he grimaced. ‘If that’s what you want.’

‘It is,’ she insisted firmly. ‘I’ll bring the rest of your things down with me when I come back, possibly at the weekend.’ ‘I would appreciate that,’ she nodded stiffly, most of her clothes still at his apartment. ‘Cynara ‘ ‘Yes,’ she prompted as he broke off. Green eyes blazed into hers. ‘Last night was—’

‘I want to forget last night,’ she cut in coldly. ‘So do I,’ he rasped, throwing open the door. ‘But I know damn well I won’t!’ He left, closing the door forcefully behind him.

‘Michael, you can’t do that,’ she complained laughingly as he went up a snake instead of a ladder. ‘Why not?’ he looked at her innocently. ‘Because it’s cheating,’ she put his marker back at the bottom of the snake. He looked wistfully out of the window, the rain falling heavily against the glass. ‘I hate rainy days,’ he grimaced. It was six days since Zack had left for London, a week in which Michael had begun his new school, and while he didn’t actually love going he enjoyed coming home to Kelly, his grandmother, and Cynara. Cynara had telephoned Zack with Michael’s progress, and although he was pleased for his son he had sounded cool and distant on the telephone. It had been her only contact with him, although she knew he was due to arrive for the weekend tomorrow evening.

‘Wet,’ Kelly sighed. ‘It certainly is,’ Cynara ruffled her hair affectionately. ‘It hardly ever rained in Australia.’ Michael bemoaned the fact that it was raining now and he couldn’t go out with the new friends he had made in the village. ‘I think I prefer the green of England.’ Cynara packed away the simple board game they had played for Kelly’s benefit, both children having lost interest in it. ‘Beach,’ Kelly put in. ‘You like the beach, poppet?’ Cynara smiled at the enchanting little girl. ‘We used to go all the time in Australia,’ Michael told her. ‘It’s nice to have holidays,’ she nodded. ‘But it’s always nice to come home again.’ ‘No, I meant when we lived there,’ Michael helped her pack away the board game. ‘Kelly’s too young to remember it really, but she’s heard me talk about it and just thinks she remembers,’ he said indulgently. ‘We lived right next to the beach, in Uncle Harry’s house.’ ‘Uncle Harry?’ she frowned. ‘He was such a lot of fun,’ Michael smiled. ‘He always made Mummy laugh. He cheated at snakes and ladders too,’ he grinned. ‘So that’s where you learnt it from.’ She pretended disapproval. ‘I shall have to have a word with this Uncle Harry.’ ‘Oh you can’t,’ Michael sobered. ‘He’s dead. He was in the boat with Mummy when it capsised.’ ‘Oh I’m sorry, Michael,’ she was instantly contrite for the blunder she had made. ‘I didn’t know.’ ‘It doesn’t matter,’ he dismissed, although the shadow remained in his eyes. ‘What shall we play now?’ The game of hide and seek in the huge house soon put the mischievous twinkle back in Michael’s eyes, specially the time he managed to evade being caught by hiding in his grand­ mother’s wardrobe. Cynara was relieved at his resilience, had had no idea Joanne’s brother had died in the boating accident with her. Michael had obviously liked his uncle very much.

The children were already asleep in bed, Alice retired for the night, when Cynara heard the arrival of a car in the driveway. The rain was still falling fast, and as she peered out of the huge window, the book she had been reading still in her hand, she could only make out the shape of the car and a person coming towards the house. At ten-thirty at night it was a little late for someone to be calling, and she waited for Laura to come and tell her who it was. When the door opened seconds later it wasn’t Laura who stood there but Zack. He was wearing only a suit, drenched from the rain, droplets of water falling from his hair down the lean harshness of his face.

‘Zack!’ She forgot the strain between them as she pulled him over to the fire, the evening cool. ‘You’re soaked!’ she said concernedly, the woollen cloth of his suit unpleasantly damp to the touch. ‘Tell me something I don’t know,’ he rasped. ‘Let me help you ‘I really mean that, Cynara.’ He ignored her attempts to help him off with his jacket. ‘Tell me something I don’t understand.’ She blinked up at him in confusion. ‘Are you feverish? Shall I—’

‘I’m perfectly all right, Cynara,’ he bit out harshly. ‘But—We weren’t expecting you until tomorrow night,’ she frowned. ‘I couldn’t wait until then.’ ‘Has something happened?’ She looked up at him in puzzlement, sensing a leashed agitation about him, a deep disturbance. ‘I told you Michael is doing very well at school—’ ‘I’ve spoken to Michael myself,’ he nodded. ‘You have?’ ‘Several times,’ he said tersely. ‘I’m well aware of how much happier he is now. My children are not the reason I’m here.’ ‘Your mother is already in bed—’ ‘My mother neither.’ His gaze was riveting, making Cynara move uncomfortably. She had no idea what was wrong with him, couldn’t understand why he kept looking at her in that way. What had she done this time!

‘I’ve brought your things with me,’ he told her softly. ‘Oh good, I was getting a little tired of alternating my only two pairs of denims—’ She broke off as he layed his briefcase on top of the table as she spoke, flicking open the clasps to take out a manilla file that she felt sure would haunt her the rest of her days. ‘Where did you get that?’ she asked faintly as he just turned and looked at her. ‘From the back of your lingerie drawer,’ he revealed steadily. She had pushed the file there when she returned from his mother’s house with it, hadn’t known what to do with it now that it was in her possession. She should have found a way to destroy it!

CHAPTER TEN SHE moistened stiffly dry lips. ‘Do you know what it is?’ she asked haltingly. His mouth twisted. ‘I would be stupid if I didn’t.’ She swallowed hard. ‘Did you read it?’ she tried to sound casual—and failed.

‘What do you think?’ he drawled. She turned away to hide the pain in her eyes. My God, he had read it! He knew everything about her there was to know.

‘Where did it come from, Cynara?’ She turned back to him sharply, looking at him disbelievingly. ‘Don’t you know?’ He shrugged. ‘The detective agency is a reputable one, other than that I have no idea.’

‘But you—you did read it?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘You—you act as if it meant nothing to you?’ She was dazed by his calmness. ‘I already knew quite a lot of it.’ ‘But not all of it,’ she insisted with frantic eyes. ‘No, not all of it,’ Zack frowned. ‘You still haven’t told me why you have a written report on your own life,’ he prompted curiously. ‘Zack, did you read page—page three?’ She couldn’t understand his apparent lack of concern when she herself could feel her world crashing around her ears once again. ‘I told you,’ he nodded abruptly. ‘I read all of it.’ ’Then —’ ‘Zackary!’ His shocked mother stood in the doorway, very frail-looking in the blue nightgown and négligé. ‘What are you doing here this time of night? You’re wet through!’ she frowned. ‘It is- raining outside,’ he drawled. ‘I had noticed,’ Alice snapped, noticing Cynara’s pallor for the first time. ‘Have you been upsetting this child again?’ she accused her son.

‘Not intentionally.’ His eyes narrowed on Cynara’s ashen face and wide haunted eyes. ‘But I seem to have done it anyway,’ he frowned.

‘I insist that you—Where did you get that?’ Alice’s expression sharpened as she, too, saw the manilla file on the table-top. Green eyes narrowed even more. ‘You’ve seen this before?’ Zack asked slowly.

‘Cynara?’ Alice ignored her son. ‘I meant to destroy it,’ Cynara said breathlessly. ‘But there never seemed an appropriate way to do it.

It isn’t the sort of thing you just throw away in a dustbin,’ she added bitterly. ‘I—I put it in a drawer and —and tried to forget about it.’

‘The best thing for it,’ Alice nodded approvingly. ‘Mother, what do you know about this?’ steel edged Zack’s voice. ‘Have you read it?’ ‘Yes,’ he impatiently answered the third query he had had about that in a matter of minutes. ‘And?’ ‘And what?’ he said exasperatedly. ‘That’s what I’m trying to find out!’ He scowled. ‘It doesn’t have any—incriminating evidence against Cynara in it?’ Alice looked puzzled. Zack sighed. ‘I’m still waiting to be told how it is you know about this file on Cynara. My God, you didn’t commission it, did you?’ he said disbelievingly.

‘Zackary Buchanan,’ his mother began threateningly. ‘No, of course you didn’t,’ he frowned heavily. ‘That isn’t your style at all. I—Atishoo!’ a sudden sneeze caught him unawares, spraying droplets of rain from his hair all over Cynara and his mother.

‘Zack, I realise that you and Cynara have to talk, but I think you will have to go and shower and put on some dry clothes first.’

‘No—’ ‘Your mother is right, Zack,’ Cynara told him quietly. ‘You’ll catch pneumonia if you stay in those clothes.’ ‘I want to talk to you,’ he told her grimly. ‘I can understand that,’ she nodded calmly. ‘But it’s waited this long, a few more minutes isn’t going to make that much difference.’

‘I’d rather—’Another sneeze caught him mid-sentence. ‘You are going to shower and change, Zack,’ his mother instructed firmly. ‘I’ve nursed you in the past; you do not make a good patient.’ She grimaced. He looked intently at Cynara. ‘You’ll wait for me here?’

‘Yes,’ she said flatly. He turned to leave, hesitated, came back to the table and picked up the file, tucking it firmly under his arm before going up the stairs.

‘Oh God!’ Cynara groaned shakily, her outward show of calm deserting her. ‘Cynara, I don’t understand.’ Alice looked at her in confusion, ‘Zack has read that report, he can’t see anything in it for you to be upset or ashamed of.’

’He’s playing a game with me—’ ‘Oh no, I don’t think so,’ Alice shook her head. ‘Yes, he is,’ she insisted. ‘You only know Zack as your son, Alice,’ she said bitterly. ‘I know him for the devil he can be. I’ve been at the receiving end of his cruelty too many times not to be!’

‘Maybe if you told me what it is that worries you so much, talk to me ‘I can’t,’ Cynara choked. ‘I have to get my things and leave before Zack comes back.’ ‘You’re leaving?’ ‘I have to,’ she nodded. ‘But—What about Zack?’ Alice frowned. ‘You told him you would wait for him to come back.’ ‘I lied.’ Her mouth twisted bitterly. ‘I’m sure that with all the other sins Zack believes me capable of he’ll find that only too easy to believe.’ ‘Cynara!’ Alice stopped her at the door. ‘Where will you go?’ She shook her head sadly. ‘You would only tell Zack.’ And the confrontation she had avoided five years ago was no more welcome now.

‘Cynara, he doesn’t seem like a man who is bitterly angry,’ Alice pleaded. ‘At least give him the chance to talk this over with you.’

‘I’m sorry,’ she said with genuine regret. ‘But I have to go. I’ll call Michael and Kelly once I’m settled.’ It didn’t take her long to pack the few things she had with her, the rest of her belongings supposedly still in Zack’s car. They were only clothes, she could easily replace them. She knew she never wanted to face Zack again. The rain was torrential by the time she got outside, her clothes clinging to her wetly by the time she had run the short distance to her car. As she sat behind the wheel, the engine roaring to life, she gave one last lingering look at the house, at the world of the man she loved, knowing she could never be a part of that world, that Zack now had the evidence of that himself. He had been playing with her, no matter what Alice said, had been trying to force her to admit to her own inadequacies. It was something she couldn’t go through again. Once safely away from the house her mind turned to the problem of staying on the road. The rain was blinding, the quickly moving wipers unable to deal with all the water on the windscreen, the roads wet and slippery. After twenty minutes she gave up any idea of getting to London tonight, searching frantically in the darkness for a hotel where she could stay for the night. Zack must have been insane—or furiously angry!—to have driven to the house in this weather! The hotel wasn’t big, more a pub really, with rooms above the bars for its guests. The bars were empty now, the landlord getting ready to lock the doors, his eyes widening with surprise when Cynara appeared at the door and asked him for a room.

‘I’m travelling back to London.’ She gave him a beguiling smile as she realised how she must look, wearing no coat, her hair plastered to her head, a small suitcase in her hand. ‘But the weather is just too bad to drive in.’ ‘We don’t usually let rooms after eight o’clock.’ He eyed her suspiciously. She couldn’t help wondering what thoughts about her were going through this man’s mind. Whatever they were she couldn’t let him turn her out into the rain; it seemed to have taken her forever to find this place. ‘It will only be for the one night,’ she encouraged warmly.

‘Well it is filthy weather out there—’

‘Wh a t i s it , G eo rg e? ’ A pl u mp w o ma n appeared behind him, eyeing Cynara curiously. ‘This young lady wants a room—’ ‘Then what are you keeping her out there for?’ his wife demanded impatiently. ‘Can’t you see the poor love is frozen. What you need, dear,’ she pulled Cynara inside, ‘is a nice hot drink and a warm bed.’ ‘It sounds wonderful,’ Cynara smiled her gratitude as George locked the door behind her with a rueful shrug. The pot of hot coffee and the sandwich that Clara Henderson brought up to the cosily warm room was delicious, the bed turned back invitingly, Cynara going to take a bath, the chill seeming to have entered her bones.

‘I know I’ve taken one shower tonight but I don’t think a bath would hurt if there’s room for one more in there?’ Her gasp and the sponge being pressed over her naked breasts happened at the same time, Zack leaning against the doorframe to this bathroom that connected to her bedroom. ‘How did you get in here?’ she demanded indignantly.

‘Mrs Henderson,’ he began to unbutton his shirt, throwing it on the floor seconds later. ‘What are you doing?’ she squeaked, panic-stricken as he removed his trousers too, wearing only the blue briefs now, these soon joining the pile of clothes just inside her bedroom. ‘And I can’t believe Mrs Henderson let a complete stranger come up to my room.’ She moved to the far end of the huge old-fashioned bath as Zack slid into the water opposite her.

‘It must have been obvious I was undressing so that I could join you.’ He took the soap from her numbed hand to begin washing her breasts, lingering over each inch of their creamy smoothness. ‘And Mrs Henderson didn’t let a complete stranger up here.’

‘But—’ ‘I told her I was Mr Williams,’ Zack put in mildly, his ministrations with the soap moving down to her waist—and lower. ‘And she believed you?’ Cynara pushed ineffectually at his caressing hands. ‘Surely only a husband chasing his runaway wife would be fool enough to be out in this weather?’

‘You told them that?’ she gasped. He nodded. ‘They seemed only too eager to accept it.’ She didn’t doubt it, knew Clara Henderson would find it a much more romantic explanation than that she was simply driving back to London.

‘I almost missed this place, you know,’ Zack continued conversationally. ‘In fact, I drove past it. And then I saw your car. I just caught the Hendersons before they went to bed,’ he recalled with satisfaction.

‘Why did you bother?’ she asked dully. ‘I let my mother read the file on you while I dressed to come after you,’ he told her softly.

‘She was the one that spotted what I had missed.’ Cynara tensed. ‘Oh?’

‘Yes.’ His hand was gentle as he lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. ‘Only I hadn’t missed it, Cynara,’ he said huskily. ‘It just wasn’t important to me.’ Her eyes flew wide. ‘How can you say that? You—’

‘Could we get out of this rapidly cooling bath and discuss this somewhere warmer, like in bed; you’re starting to look like a wrinkled prune!’ Her fingers had begun to pucker where she had been soaking in the water for so long, and yet the indulgence in Zack’s voice had thrown her completely off-balance. She didn’t protest as he helped her out of the water, briskly drying them both in fleecy blue towels before drawing her into the bed beside him, leaving only the bedside lamp on for illumination as he cradled her against him.

‘Mother also told me it was my father who had you investigated,’ he said softly. ‘Was that the "business transaction" the two of you had that morning five years ago?’ ‘He gave me money to get out of your life—’ ‘You’re a liar, Cynara.’ He moved so that he was above her as she lay back on the bed. ‘Several things have confused me about our relationship the last few weeks—’ ‘I can’t think what,’ she dismissed brittly. Did he intend making love to her this one last time to punish her? She could feel the heat of his desire moving gently against her and she knew he wanted her. ‘For a mercenary you lacked drive and initiative. You bought things out of your own money for the apartment—’ ‘I told you I left you the bills!’ ‘But they never materialised, did they,’ he taunted. ‘You bought all of our food and didn’t ask for any reimbursement—’ ‘I was going to give you a total at the end of the month!’ she claimed untruthfully. ‘You refused payment for staying with the children—’ ‘Even I can feel genuine affection for a child!’ ‘With a little seduction on your part you could have wheedled expensive jewellery out of me.’ He raised dark brows as she remained silent at this accusation. ‘But you didn’t want jewels from me, did you?’

‘I was just biding my time—’ ‘The pretence is over, Cynara,’ he cut in harshly. ‘You see, I also found your savings book among your belongings ...’

‘You had no right to look at it!’ she accused. ‘I had every right,’ he claimed calmly. ‘The money you have in there is nowhere near the amount my father offered you five years ago, but it’s certainly enough so that you didn’t have to sell your

body to me.’

‘I earned every penny of that money legitimately!’ she told him fiercely. ‘I know that,’ he nodded. ‘Did you ever try to cash that cheque my father gave you?’ She turned her head away, only to have it pulled back, the intensity of Zack’s eyes demanding she answer him—truthfully. ‘No,’ the answer was forced out of her.

‘Did my father threaten you with exposure if you accepted my proposal?’ She turned to bury her face against his chest. ‘Yes!’

‘Did he threaten you that morning?’ ‘Yes!’ ‘Did you love me then?’ ‘Yes! Yes, yes, yes!’ she looked at him wildly. ‘Why else do you think I left before you could be told of my—before you began to despise me?’ She was past caring now, knew that it was too late, all too late.

‘Is that what happened with your fiancé?’ he gently probed. ‘Yes.’ She was calm again now, numbly calm. ‘But I already have two children, Cynara,’ he reminded softly. ‘I don’t need, or want, any more.’ Barren. She was barren. They hadn’t told her until she was sixteen, hadn’t explained that the injuries she had received during the crash that had killed her parents had also left her unable to have children of her own. Even then the full significance of what they had told her hadn’t sunk in, not until, falling in love with Paul, and the marriage plans they made finally prompted her to tell him of her inability to give him children. The th ings he had s aid to her afterwards, the accusation he had made, were forever imprinted in her brain.

‘Darling—’ ‘Don’t call me that.’ She flinched away from him. ‘I don’t need your pity,’ she groaned. ‘I pity us all,’ he muttered. ‘For the time we’ve wasted.’ She looked at him unwillingly. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Don’t you know—didn’t you ever know, that you were all that mattered to me?’ ‘You wanted other children besides Michael,’ she said dully. ‘Kelly is evidence of that.’ ‘Kelly isn’t my child. She isn’t, Cynara,’ he insisted at her disbelieving look. ‘But you—you and Joanne reconciled ...’ ‘We divorced,’ Zack corrected. ‘Joanne married again, moved back to Australia, and had Kelly.’ ‘Uncle Harry ...?’ she realised dazedly. ‘Harry Rhodes, Joanne’s second husband—and Kelly’s father.’

‘But but ‘I let you carry on believing Kelly was my daughter in order to hurt you, to make you

believe I cared so little for you I had reconciled with my wife. I had no idea how much I had hurt you by letting you believe that,’ he rasped. ‘Kelly and Michael are brother and sister, even if they did have different fathers,’ he shrugged. ‘Harry’s parents were compassionate enough to realise that, to let them both come to me after the accident. As far as Kelly is concerned I am her father, she doesn’t remember any other. I’d like you to become my children’s mother.’

‘No—’ ‘Stay, Cynara.’ He halted her flight from the bed. ‘Darling, the fact that you can’t have children doesn’t make you any less Cynara Williams, the woman I love.’

‘You hate me—’ ‘I love you, I’ve always loved you. And you’ve always loved me, I know that now. My father would never have been able to do this to us if we hadn’t loved each other so much,’ he said grimly. ‘He didn’t do anything, I always knew we could only ever have a brief relationship,’ Cynara stated flated. ‘Because of the way your bastard of a fiancé reacted to your inability to have children,’ Zack bit out. ‘My father was well aware of how that had hurt you, how vulnerable it made you, and he used it to part us.’ She shook her head. ‘I never intended to stay with you, he just precipitated things.’

‘You underestimate me, Cynara, if you believe I would have let you go for any other reason than I believed you didn’t love me, had never loved me. I already have two children, I don’t need any more,’ he repeated exasperatedly as she looked unconvinced. ‘God, I’m not doing a very good job of bringing up the two I have without having any more!’

‘You’re just saying that ‘You know I’m not,’ he grasped her shoulders. ‘But even if I didn’t have any children it wouldn’t change the fact that without you I’m not even half alive, that I neglect Michael and Kelly because after you left me I didn’t care about anyone, not even them. That I haven’t so much as touched another woman in the last five years, let alone made love to one!’

‘Zack ...?’ ‘I want you,’ he shook her. ‘I’ve always wanted you, no one and nothing else! The urge to possess any other woman just doesn’t exist for me. You’re like some sort of madness inside me. I think about you every minute of the day, worry about you incessantly—it wasn’t that I didn’t want you near Michael and Kelly when they had measles, I knew it was worse for an adult if they got it and I couldn’t bear the thought of your being ill! And the night I arrived home to find all the things that you had bought to brighten up the apartment gone I nearly cracked up; I thought you had gone with them!’ ‘Oh, Zack ...!’ she choked. ‘I deliberately sort you out again at the hotel,’ he continued fiercely. ‘I knew you were working there, and I knew after five years of being alone that I had to see you again, that I would go insane if I didn’t. You looked exactly the same, and I still wanted you!’ ‘You seemed—cold.’

‘I was cold! I stopped feeling the moment you left me five years ago, and I started feeling again the moment I saw you up on the stage at the Excellence. Once I realised you had a problem with your voice I wanted to look after you, to protect you.’

‘You blackmailed me into living with you.’ ‘I would have committed murder to get you!’ His eyes glittered. ‘But I daren’t show you how I still felt, was still convinced you were a mercenary. Only by being cruel to you could I stop myself from telling you I loved you.’ Pain darkened his eyes. ‘I’ve hurt you so badly, inflicted so much pain on you. And my only excuse is that I love you so much I ache inside!’ Tears fell unheeded down her cheeks. ‘I love you too,’ she finally choked.

‘Then marry me,’ he pleaded. ‘Please marry me.’ ‘I—I can’t,’ she shook her head. ‘I need you. Michael and Kelly need you!’ ‘Don’t be any more cruel than you need, Zack,’ she pleaded brokenly. ‘I’m not going to lose you again because of your feelings of inadequacy—’ ‘I am inadequate,’ she cried. ‘I’m incomplete, half a woman—’ ‘The bastard that told you that is only half a man if he made you believe those things. You’re beautiful, wonderful, a loving compassionate woman. The fact that you can’t conceive a child doesn’t make you any less those things,’ he told her savagely. ‘God, if I had wanted a baby-machine I could have married again years ago. The truth of it is I’m not that good at being a parent, you’ve brought me closer to my children than I’ve ever been. I just want you, Cynara, I need you so much.’ His voice broke as he buried his face in her throat, his tears mingling with her own. ‘Zack, don’t!’ She was shocked she had reduced him to such emotion. ‘I can’t bear to see you like this,’ she moaned her despair. ‘Does it make me incomplete,’ he said roughly. ‘Half a man?’ Only a man who was very much a man would allow the woman he loved to see such weakness, Cynara knew that. ‘Oh, Zack,’ she held him to her. ‘I can’t fight you when you’re like this.’

‘I don’t want you to fight me, I just want you to stay with me. If I hadn’t found you tonight I would have turned all of London upside down looking for you,’ he assured her vehemently. ‘And I would have started with Rod Johnson.’

‘Zack—’ ‘I don’t want to hear about you and him, Cynara.’ He shook his head. ‘I may not like it but I do understand that you couldn’t be alone all these years.’ She smoothed the hair at his temples. ‘But I have been, Zack,’ she told him gently. ‘No other lover but you would do for me.’

‘You lied to me about Johnson?’ She grimaced. ‘I have my pride too.’

‘Yes, but—My God, that night I—when I—I must have really hurt you!’ he groaned his own torment at causing her such pain.

‘Yes.’ She didn’t try to spare him. ‘But in a way I welcomed the pain. I would have gone through anything to be with you again.’

‘Except tell me the truth,’ he reminded grimly. Pain darkened her eyes. ‘Anything but that,’ she agreed. ‘Paul convinced me that no man would want half a woman—’

‘I swear if you say that once more I’ll find Paul Raymond and beat him to a pulp!’ Zack rasped savagely. She gave him a wan smile. ‘Would you?’ His arms tightened about her. ‘I’d do anything for you, you have to know that by now.’ She looked deeply into his eyes, searching for the truth. ‘Including lying to me about wanting more children?’ He shook his head. ‘It’s going to take all my time—and a lot of your help—to get close to the two I already have,’ he answered with complete honesty. ‘I’ve neglected them in favour of losing myself in my work, now I need your help, and love, to make us into a real family. Please, Cynara,’ he groaned. ‘Please don’t leave me again!’ She couldn’t, didn’t have the strength any more, opening her arms to him.

‘Mummy? Mummy!’ Cynara opened her arms as Kelly ran into them, the glowingly happy six-year-old running across the golden sand to her as she sat on the terrace of the hotel sunbathing with Zack, the latter stretched out asleep on the neighbouring lounger at this Hawaiian hotel.

‘You shouldn’t run off like that.’ A breathless Michael had followed his sister from the beach. ‘Mum told me to keep an eye on you.’ ‘I just wanted to show her the shell I found,’ Kelly complained. Cynara dutifully examined the shell. ‘It’s lovely, darling. But you really shouldn’t run off, Michael was worried.’ Although, in truth she had been watching both of them, too.

‘You’re very young to have such a grown-up son.’ The woman on the adjoining lounger couldn’t hold back her curiosity any longer, having been watching the exchange. Cynara had been aware of the interest in them ever since they had arrived two days earlier, and she knew as soon as she saw the irrepressible smile on Zack’s face before he slowly sat up that his devilish sense of humour was going to make him say something outrageous.

‘Cynara was a child-bride, Mrs Cooper,’ he drawled. ‘Yes,’ Michael put in before he could continue, the same sense of humour glittering in his green eyes, ‘Dad couldn’t keep his hands off her!’

‘Michael!’ she gasped, the elderly lady openmouthed at the shocking statement. ‘Care for a stroll along the beach, darling?’ Zack invited as he stood up languorously, lithe and tanned in close-fitting black bathing trunks.

‘I think w e’ll come w ith you.’ M ichael managed to keep a straight face for as long as it took to get out of earshot of the elderly lady watching them from the terrace before bursting into laughter, his father joining in.

‘You two are impossible.’ Cynara glowered at them reprovingly, although as, at thirteen, Michael already dwarfed her, well on the way to being as tall as his father, her stern demeanour had little effect on either of them.

‘Why are they impossible, Mummy?’ Kelly looked up at her frowningly. ‘They just are,’ she said crossly. ‘It will be all around the hotel by tonight that your father seduced me when I was only sixteen!’

‘What’s seduced?’ Kelly frowned even more. ‘It’s what Mum and Dad are always doing to each other,’ Michael explained mockingly. ‘Kissing and things?’

‘And things,’ Michael nodded to his sister, giving his parents a mischievous glance. ‘Come on, Kelly, I’ll race you down to the castle we were building.’

‘You’re bigger than me,’ she complained. ‘I’ll give you a good start before I come after you,’ he promised, watching as she took off. ‘If you two want to be alone for a while I’ll make sure Kelly stays away from the water,’ he said tongue-incheek. Zack looked down indulgently at Cynara’s flushed cheeks. ‘I think I can manage to "keep my hands off" your mother until later,’ he teased her, looking back at Michael. ‘And I think we should have a talk once we get home,’ he told him ruefully.

‘If it’s about sex don’t bother,’ Michael dismissed in a bored voice. ‘We’ve already had that talk at school. Besides, I get all the visual lessons I need from you two!’ he added cheekily.

‘Why you little—’ Michael ran off before his father could catch him. ‘I can’t leave Kelly on her own,’ he shouted back to them before disappearing after his sister.

‘I’m beginning to wonder if all this freedom of speech we’ve advocated for Kelly and Michael is a good thing,’ Zack muttered. ‘Michael seems to know more about sex than I do!’

‘Oh, I doubt that,’ Cynara snuggled up against him, so full of love and happiness she thought she would burst. The three years since her marriage to Zack had been filled with love, Kelly quickly coming to accept her as her mother, Michael only taking a little longer to call her the much-treasured ‘Mum’ she had thought never to hear. Her love for Zack had only deepened with the passing of time, as she knew his had for her, which was why they did so much ‘kissing and things’! His relationship with the children was now so close she often found herself on the receiving end of their gentle teasing, something she found as much pleasure in as their teasing of Zack. It spoke of their true harmony of love for each other.

‘Care to go back to our suite and find out?’ he invited suggestively. ‘Michael and Kelly?’ Will understand perfectly; we even have our son’s permission!’ He turned her in his arms,

moulding her body to his. ‘Thank you for our children, Cynara,’ he said seriously. ‘I was in danger of losing them.’ Miraculously they were their children. But no matter how much she loved Michael and Kelly she knew Zack would always come first. She reached up on tip-toe and gently touched her lips to his. ‘I think going to our suite sounds a wonderful idea,’ she murmured huskily. ‘Zack, what are you doing?’ she squealed as he swung her up into his arms.

‘Mrs Cooper is watching,’ he told her in a loud whisper. ‘I wouldn’t want her to think the romance has gone out of our marriage!’ Cynara was giggling as Zack carried her past the goggle-eyed woman, although the giggling stopped as soon as they reached their bedroom, the silence broken only by their soft murmurings of love.