The Road Less Traveled And Beyond: Spiritual Growth In An Age Of Anxiety

Author: M. Scott Peck

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S I M O N & SCHUSTER Rockefeller C e n t e r 1230 Avenue of t h e Americas New York, NY 10020 Copyright © 1997 by M. Scott Peck All rights reserved, including t h e right of r e p r o d u c t i o n in whole or in p a r t in any form. SIMON & SCHUSTER a n d c o l o p h o n are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster Inc. Designed by Irving Perkins Associates M a n u f a c t u r e d in t h e U n i t e d States of America 1 3 5 7 9

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8 6 4 2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Peck, M. Scott (Morgan Scott), d a t e . T h e r o a d less traveled a n d b e y o n d : spiritual growth in an age of anxiety / M. Scott Peck. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. 1. Spiritual life. 2. Peck, M. Scott (Morgan Scott), 1 9 3 6 I. Title. BL624.P43 1997 158—dc20 96-43391 CIP

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ISBN 0-684-81314-9

I acknowledge with gratitude t h e c o o p e r a t i o n of all my publishers, i n c l u d i n g B a n t a m Books, HarperSanFrancisco, H a r m o n y Books, H y p e r i o n Books, Simon & Schuster, a n d T u r n e r Publishing, for citations a n d quotations from my various books. Lyrics for "Can't Keep It In," by Cat Stevens, are r e p r i n t e d by permission of Salafa L i m i t e d / S o n y / A T V Music Publishing.

to my fellow travelers

Contents

Introduction

11

Editor's Preface

15

PART I: CRUSADE AGAINST SIMPLISM

1: Thinking

23

The Point of Having a Brain Simplism and Society What's in Fashion Isn't Necessarily Fashionable Assumptions, Stereotypes, and Labeling Common Criminal Thinking Thinking Too Little Is Your Problem Thinking Too Much Is Somebody Else's Problem The Good, the Bad, and the In-between Thinking and Listening Freedom and Thinking Time and Efficiency Paradox and Thinking with Integrity

2: Consciousness The Mystery of Consciousness Revisiting Our Frontal Lobes Lessons from Genesis 3 Good and Evil Evil, Sin, and Other Distinctions The Shadow Consciousness and Competence The Consciousness of Death Traveling with God

63

8

CONTENTS

3: Learning and Growth

95

The Role of the Soul Passive Learning Growth and Will Out of Narcissism Narcissism Versus Self-love Narcissism, Death, and the Learning of Dying Unlearning and Flexibility Learning as Adventure Values and Learning Choices Learning from Role Models Group Learning

PART II: WRESTLING WITH THE COMPLEXITY OF EVERYDAY LIFE

4: Personal Life Choices

139

The Path of Smart Selfishness Versus the Path of Stupid Selfishness Choices of Responsibility Choices of Submission Choices of Vocation The Choice of Gratitude The Choice to Die Gracefully The Choice of Emptiness

5: Organizational Life Choices

167

Civility Systems Ethics Interdependence and Collaboration Accountability and Structure Boundaries and Vulnerability Power Culture Dysfunction Versus Civility

6: Choices About Society The The The The

Paradox of Good and Evil Paradox of Human Nature Paradox of Entitlement Paradox of Responsibility

203

CONTENTS

9

The Paradoxes of Time and Money A Personal Case Study

PART III: THE OTHER SIDE OF COMPLEXITY

7: The "Science" of God

241

Science and God Spirituality and Religion Stages of Spiritual Growth Psychospiritual and Historical Baggage Integration and Integrity Grace and Serendipity Revelation The Ego and the Soul Kenosis Prayer and Faith Process Theology Glory Cocreation

8: The "Poetry" of God Acknowledgments Notes

287 307 309

Introduction

I AM SIXTY YEARS OF AGE. T h a t statistic m e a n s d i f f e r e n t t h i n g s f o r different p e o p l e . For m e , since I am n o t in the best of health a n d feel I've lived e n o u g h f o r t h r e e l i f e t i m e s , b e i n g sixty m e a n s t h a t i t i s t i m e I s h o u l d s t a r t s e t t i n g m y affairs i n o r d e r , a s t h e y say. I t s e e m s p r o p e r f o r m e t h e s e days t o b e a b o u t t h e b u s i n e s s o f t y i n g u p l o o s e e n d s o f m y life i n s o f a r a s i t i s i n m y p o w e r t o d o so. I w r i t e this b o o k i n t h a t e n d e a v o r . I w r o t e The Road Less Traveled at t h e v i g o r o u s a g e of forty. It was a s i f a s p i g o t h a d b e e n o p e n e d , a n d o t h e r b o o k s h a v e c o m e p o u r i n g o u t e v e r s i n c e : n i n e , t o b e e x a c t , n o t c o u n t i n g this o n e . Each time p e o p l e have asked me what I h o p e d to achieve by a particular b o o k , as if I generally h a d a g r a n d strategy in m i n d . T h e t r u t h i s I w r o t e t h e m n o t o u t o f strategy, b u t s i m p l y b e c a u s e e a c h b o o k h a s said, " W r i t e m e . " H o w e v e r h a r d s h e m i g h t b e t o d e f i n e , t h e r e i s s u c h a t h i n g a s a m u s e , a n d I h a v e always a n d only o p e r a t e d u n d e r h e r orders. So it is n o w , b u t I b e l i e v e a m o r e c o m p l e x e x p l a n a t i o n is in order. O n e of those works, a collection of my edited lectures, is e n t i t l e d Further Along the Road Less Traveled, as is t h e s e r i e s of a u d i o t a p e s f r o m w h i c h i t was d e v e l o p e d . T h e t i d e o f t h i s o n e m a k e s i t s o u n d like " T h e R o a d Less T r a v e l e d III." I w o r r y t h e s o u n d m a y b e m i s l e a d i n g . T h e fact i s t h a t m y m u s e w o n ' t allow m e t o write t h e s a m e b o o k over a n d again n o m a t t e r h o w c o m m e r c i a l l y s m a r t i t m i g h t b e t o d o so. All o f m y b o o k s a r e q u i t e d i f f e r e n t f r o m e a c h o t h e r . Yet n o t totally d i f f e r e n t . W i t h t h e p e r s p e c t i v e o f a g e I've c o m e t o r e a l -

12

INTRODUCTION

ize t h a t i n t h e i r o w n u n i q u e ways t h e y h a v e all b e e n a t t e m p t s t o w o r k o u t t h e s a m e c o m p l e x set o f h i d d e n t h e m e s . L o o k i n g backward, recently I d i s c e r n e d that I have b e e n wrestling with t h e s e t h e m e s a s far b a c k a s I c a n r e m e m b e r . A t t h e t i m e i t felt a s if The Road Less Traveled a r o s e de n o v o w h e n I was forty. N o w I can see how I'd b e g u n work on it a n d my o t h e r books before I'd e v e n e n t e r e d a d o l e s c e n c e . P e r h a p s I was b o r n w o r k i n g o n t h e s e t h e m e s . O r p e r h a p s I was b o r n t o w o r k o n t h e m . I d o n ' t k n o w . W h a t I d o k n o w i s t h a t t h e w o r k was a l r e a d y i n p r o g r e s s o f a s o r t two d e c a d e s b e f o r e t h e p u b l i c a t i o n of The Road Less Traveled. In l a t e 1 9 5 7 a n d e a r l y 1 9 5 8 , at t h e a g e of t w e n t y - o n e , I w r o t e a c o l l e g e s e n i o r t h e s i s w i t h t h e e g r e g i o u s title o f "Anxiety, M o d e r n Science, a n d the Epistemological Problem." Epistemology is that b r a n c h of philosophy which addresses the question: "How do we know what we think we know? H o w do we know anything?" T h e epistemological problem is that philosophers have never succeeded in answering the question. Many in t h e n i n e t e e n t h c e n t u r y t h o u g h t t h e a n s w e r lay i n s c i e n c e . W e c o u l d k n o w t h i n g s for c e r t a i n t h r o u g h t h e scientific m e t h o d . A s my thesis p o i n t e d out, however, p e r h a p s t h e single m o s t i m p o r t a n t d i s c o v e r y o f m o d e r n s c i e n c e h a s b e e n t h a t t h e r e a r e limits t o scientific i n q u i r y . W i t h a few ifs, a n d s , a n d b u t s , t h e r e i s n o m o r e r e a l c e r t a i n t y t o b e f o u n d i n s c i e n c e t h a n i n t h e o l o g y . Yet u n c e r t a i n t y b r e e d s a n x i e t y . I t i s scary w h e n o u r b e s t m i n d s a r e those w h o best k n o w that they d o n ' t know. This is why W. H. Aud e n referred to o u r century as the Age of Anxiety—a time w h e n the Age of Reason has proved to be just as unsettling a period as the Age of Faith. M y c o l l e g e thesis p r o v i d e d n o a n s w e r s , o n l y q u e s t i o n s , a n d o n e way o r a n o t h e r t h o s e s a m e q u e s t i o n s a r e e c h o e d i n e a c h a n d every o n e o f m y b o o k s . A m a j o r t h e m e o f all o f t h e m i s t h e e n c o u r a g e m e n t of the greatest possible r a n g e of t h o u g h t in o u r s e a r c h for t h e i r a n s w e r s . T h u s t h e t h i r d o f t h e f o u r s e c t i o n s o f The Road Less Traveled c o n c l u d e s : " B u t j u s t as it is e s s e n t i a l t h a t o u r s i g h t n o t b e c r i p p l e d b y scientific t u n n e l vision, s o also i t i s e s s e n t i a l t h a t o u r critical faculties a n d c a p a c i t y f o r s k e p t i c i s m

INTRODUCTION

13

n o t be b l i n d e d by the brilliant beauty of t h e spiritual realm." O n c e I p u t t h a t c o l l e g e thesis b e h i n d m e ( o r s o I t h o u g h t ) , I g o t o n w i t h t h e b u s i n e s s o f r e a l life: m e d i c a l s c h o o l , m a r r i a g e , c h i l d r e n , s p e c i a l t y t r a i n i n g i n psychiatry, m i l i t a r y a n d g o v e r n m e n t s e r v i c e , a n d e v e n t u a l l y p r i v a t e p r a c t i c e . Yet, w i t h o u t k n o w i n g t h a t o n e — m u c h less m a n y — b o o k s w o u l d e v e n t u a t e , I was b e g i n n i n g , a l m o s t u n c o n s c i o u s l y , t o d e v e l o p s o m e c a u t i o u s , tentative answers to my own questions. W h e n e n o u g h such answers h a d a c c u m u l a t e d , i t c a m e t o m e t w e n t y y e a r s l a t e r t o w r i t e The Road Less Traveled. A n d , as t h e y c o n t i n u e d to a c c u m u l a t e , I went on to write w h a t I t h o u g h t were very different works. T h e y are v e r y d i f f e r e n t . Yet w h e t h e r for a d u l t s o r c h i l d r e n , w h e t h e r f o c u s e d u p o n t h e i n d i v i d u a l o r society, w h e t h e r fiction o r n o n f i c t i o n , t h e y all m a y b e l o o k e d u p o n i n p a r t a s e l a b o r a tions of o n e or m o r e of t h e k e y c o n c e p t s in The Road Less Traveled. A s e l a b o r a t i o n s t h e y c a r r y t h o s e c o n c e p t s f u r t h e r ; t h e y l o o k d e e p e r ; t h e y go beyond. T h i s b o o k is e n t i t l e d The Road Less Traveled and Beyond b e c a u s e it ties t o g e t h e r m a n y of t h e ways in which I have b e e n pushed—often stumbling—to move beyond my first b o o k in b o t h my public writing a n d my personal journey over t h e past twenty years. S o m e m a y c o n s i d e r this b o o k a c o m p i l a t i o n , a c o m p e n d i u m , o r a s u m m a r y o f all m y p u b l i s h e d w o r k , b u t t h o s e words are i n a d e q u a t e . In writing the book, I f o u n d that I h a d to b e q u i t e selective. " S y n t h e s i s " w o u l d b e a m o r e a d e q u a t e d e s c r i p t i o n , b u t still fails t o c a p t u r e t h e " b e y o n d n e s s " o f t h e b o o k . For in a d d i t i o n to tying up loose e n d s , I w a n t e d to b r e a k n e w g r o u n d as well. I h a v e b e e n p o w e r f u l l y assisted in d o i n g so by a q u o t e a t t r i b u t e d t o J u s t i c e O l i v e r W e n d e l l H o l m e s , Jr., w h o o n c e said: "I d o n ' t give a fig for t h e simplicity of this s i d e of c o m p l e x i t y , b u t I w o u l d d i e for t h e simplicity o n t h e o t h e r side."* His p r o f o u n d s e n t i m e n t has led m e t o o r g a n i z e this work into t h r e e sections. *The exact origin of the q u o t e of the q u o t e is u n k n o w n , b u t I am grateful to Max D u P r e e for passing it on to me in his book, The Art of Leadership.

14

INTRODUCTION

In Part I, "Crusade Against Simplism," I decry t h e primitive a n d effortless simplistic t h i n k i n g t h a t lies a t t h e r o o t o f s o m u c h individual a n d societal sickness. I n P a r t II, " W r e s t l i n g w i t h t h e C o m p l e x i t y o f E v e r y d a y Life," I describe the complex choices we must continually m a k e a n d r e m a k e if we a r e to live well. A n d i n P a r t III, " T h e O t h e r S i d e o f C o m p l e x i t y , " I d e s c r i b e w h e r e w e c a n a r r i v e w h e n w e h a v e b e e n w i l l i n g t o p a y all o u r p r o p e r intellectual a n d emotional dues. A l t h o u g h t h e p h r a s e "the O t h e r Side" rings with possible intimations of heaven, I am n o t so bold as to suggest that we can reach h e a v e n this side of t h e grave. W h a t I do suggest, however, i s t h a t w e c a n i n d e e d c o m e t o exist i n a c l o s e r r e l a t i o n s h i p t o t h e Holy. A n d t h a t o n t h e o t h e r s i d e o f c o m p l e x i t y t h e r e i s a kind of simplicity w h e r e we can k n o w with humility t h a t in the e n d all t h i n g s p o i n t t o G o d .

Editor's Preface

I FIRST MET M. SCOTT PECK in t h e s u m m e r of 1 9 9 5 . I h a d w r i t t e n h i m a l e t t e r to t h a n k h i m f o r h i s b o o k , In Search of Stones, a n d to tell h i m o f its p r o f o u n d effect o n m y life. I h a d also r e a d two o f his e a r l i e r b o o k s , The Road Less Traveled a n d People of the Lie, w h i c h h a d b e c o m e , a s I w r o t e i n m y letter, c o m p a n i o n s — i n t e l lectual a n d spiritual—on my own j o u r n e y of personal growth. T h r e e w e e k s later, I r e c e i v e d a l e t t e r f r o m Dr. P e c k in w h i c h h e w r o t e t h a t h e was i n s e a r c h o f a n e d i t o r f o r h i s n e w b o o k a n d a s k e d i f I w o u l d like t o e x p l o r e t h e possibility o f u n d e r t a k i n g t h e j o b . I was b o t h f l a t t e r e d a n d s u r p r i s e d . W e s p o k e o n t h e p h o n e , l a t e r m e t , a n d t h e n , a f t e r several l o n g a n d p r o b ing conversations, we began o u r work together. Over the course o f t h e n e x t t e n m o n t h s , i t was a c h a l l e n g e a n d a n e x h i l a r a t i n g e x p e r i e n c e to h a v e a p a r t in t h e e v o l u t i o n of The Road Less Traveled and Beyond. M a n y r e a d e r s o f this b o o k will b e f a m i l i a r w i t h Dr. P e c k ' s e a r l i e r w o r k s , a l t h o u g h t h a t i s n o t n e c e s s a r y f o r a full c o m p r e h e n s i o n of The Road Less Traveled and Beyond. N e v e r t h e l e s s , it m a y b e useful h e r e t o m e n t i o n t h o s e b o o k s a n d c o m m e n t briefly o n t h e i r m a j o r t h e m e s . The Road Less Traveled ( N e w York: S i m o n & S c h u s t e r , 1978) was Dr. P e c k ' s first b o o k . B r e a k i n g n e w g r o u n d — a s r e f l e c t e d i n its s u b t i t l e , " A N e w P s y c h o l o g y o f L o v e , T r a d i t i o n a l V a l u e s a n d S p i r i t u a l G r o w t h " — t h e b o o k s t e m m e d f r o m Dr. P e c k ' s w o r k a s a psychotherapist with patients struggling to avoid or to gain g r e a t e r levels o f m a t u r i t y . A n e n o r m o u s l y p o p u l a r a n d i n f l u e n -

16

EDITOR'S PREFACE

tial b o o k , The Road Less Traveled h e l p e d b r i d g e t h e g a p b e t w e e n p s y c h o l o g y a n d r e l i g i o n . I n it, Dr. P e c k w r o t e t h a t h e m a d e little d i s t i n c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e m i n d a n d t h e s p i r i t a n d , t h e r e f o r e , little d i s t i n c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e p r o c e s s o f a c h i e v i n g e m o t i o n a l maturity a n d spiritual growth. In t h e I t a l i a n e d i t i o n , t h e title of The Road Less Traveled was t r a n s l a t e d as Volo di Bene, w h i c h m e a n s " T h e G o o d P a t h , " b e c a u s e t h e r e i s a t r a d i t i o n i n Italy t o c o m p a r e t h e " g o o d p a t h " t o t h e " b a d p a t h . " S o i t was n o t c o i n c i d e n t a l t h a t Dr. P e c k , h a v i n g written a b o o k a b o u t t h e g o o d p a t h , followed it with o n e a b o u t t h e b a d p a t h . In People of the Lie ( N e w York: S i m o n & S c h u s t e r , 1 9 8 3 ) , h e p r o b e d i n d e p t h t h e e s s e n c e o f h u m a n evil. W r i t i n g t h a t p e o p l e w h o a r e evil p l a c e t h e m s e l v e s i n d i r e c t o p p o s i t i o n t o t h e t r u t h a n d h a r m o t h e r s i n s t e a d o f f a c i n g t h e i r o w n failures a n d limitations, he dramatically d e m o n s t r a t e d how they s e e k t o a v o i d u n d e r t a k i n g t h e difficult task o f p e r s o n a l g r o w t h . A g a i n , p r e s e n t i n g cases e n c o u n t e r e d i n h i s p s y c h i a t r i c p r a c t i c e , h e d e s c r i b e d vivid i n c i d e n t s o f evil i n e v e r y d a y life a n d t h e i r r a m i f i c a t i o n s , a s well a s o f f e r i n g t h o u g h t s a b o u t t h e p o s s i b i l i t i e s for h e a l i n g h u m a n evil. Dr. P e c k ' s n e x t b o o k , What Return Can I Make? Dimensions of the Christian Experience ( N e w York: S i m o n & S c h u s t e r , 1985) was c o a u t h o r e d w i t h M a r i l y n v o n W a l d n e r , O . C . D . , a n d P a t r i c i a Kay. A c c o m p a n i e d b y t h e s p i r i t u a l m u s i c o f v o n W a l d n e r a n d t h e a b s t r a c t d r a w i n g s o f Kay, t h e b o o k was d e d i c a t e d t o t h e "glory o f G o d . " I n it, Dr. P e c k r e f l e c t e d o n t h e m e s r e l a t e d t o h i s o w n j o u r n e y o f s p i r i t u a l g r o w t h i n t o Christianity. A l t h o u g h i t i s his m o s t e v a n g e l i c a l w o r k , i t d o e s n o t e x c l u d e t h o s e n o t i d e n t i f i e d a s C h r i s t i a n s . I t i s a b o u t t h e d i s c o v e r y o f G o d a n d t h e myst e r y o f faith. T h e b o o k , w i t h o u t t h e a r t a n d s h e e t m u s i c b u t w i t h t h e a u d i o t a p e o f s o n g s b y v o n W a l d n e r , was r e p u b l i s h e d a n d r e t i t l e d Gifts for the Journey: Treasures of the Christian Life ( S a n Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1995). I n 1 9 8 4 , Dr. P e c k , h i s wife, Lily, a n d n i n e o t h e r s s t a r t e d t h e F o u n d a t i o n for C o m m u n i t y E n c o u r a g e m e n t (FCE), a n o n profit o r g a n i z a t i o n for p r o m o t i n g t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f c o m m u -

EDITOR'S PREFACE

17

nity a s a m e a n s o f i m p r o v i n g h u m a n r e l a t i o n s h i p s a m o n g i n d i viduals, small g r o u p s , a n d n a t i o n s . As a direct c o n s e q u e n c e of his w o r k w i t h F C E , Dr. P e c k w r o t e The Different Drum ( N e w York: S i m o n & S c h u s t e r , 1987) i n w h i c h h e c h a l l e n g e d r e a d e r s t o t a k e a n o t h e r j o u r n e y i n self-awareness t o a c h i e v e a n e w level o f " c o n n e c t e d n e s s " t h r o u g h the creative e x p e r i e n c e of c o m m u nity. I n a d e p a r t u r e f r o m n o n f i c t i o n , Dr. P e c k ' s n e x t b o o k was a p s y c h o l o g i c a l thriller, A Bed by the Window ( N e w York: B a n t a m B o o k s , 1 9 9 0 ) , s u b t i t l e d A Novel of Mystery and Redemption. Superficially a n a c c o u n t o f sex, love, a n d d e a t h s e t i n a n u r s i n g h o m e , it is, as its s u b t i t l e s u g g e s t s , m o r e t h a n a m y s t e r y story; it i s a n e x p l o r a t i o n o f t h e n a t u r e o f m y s t e r y itself o n m u l t i p l e levels. The Friendly Snowflake ( A t l a n t a : T u r n e r P u b l i s h i n g , I n c . , 1 9 9 2 ) , i l l u s t r a t e d b y P e c k ' s s o n , C h r i s t o p h e r P e c k , was also a w o r k o f f i c t i o n , a s t o r y a b o u t a y o u n g girl's v o y a g e i n t o s p i r i t u a l a w a r e n e s s . T h e b o o k ' s m a i n c o n c e r n s a r e life, love, faith, a n d family. Dr. P e c k ' s n e x t b o o k , A World Waiting to Be Born: Civility Rediscovered ( N e w York: B a n t a m B o o k s , 1 9 9 3 ) e x p l o r e d t h e r o l e o f civility i n p e r s o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s a n d i n society a s a w h o l e . C h a l l e n g i n g u s t o r e c o g n i z e t h e c u l t u r a l c o n s e q u e n c e s o f incivility, Dr. P e c k w r o t e o f t h e m a n y m o r a l l y d i s r u p t i v e p a t t e r n s o f behavior—both subtle a n d blatant—that seem ingrained in hum a n relationships, a n d p r o p o s e d c h a n g e s that can b e effected to achieve b o t h p e r s o n a l a n d societal well-being. Further Along the Road Less Traveled: The Unending Journey Toward Spiritual Growth ( N e w York: S i m o n & S c h u s t e r , 1993) e l a b o r a t e d o n t h e m e s a n d c o n c e p t s f i r s t e x p l o r e d i n The Road Less Traveled a n d was a r e v i s e d a n d e d i t e d c o l l e c t i o n of Dr. P e c k ' s lectures. Dr. P e c k ' s n e x t w o r k was In Search of Stones ( N e w York: Hyp e r i o n B o o k s , 1 9 9 5 ) , a n i n t e g r a t i o n o f t h e m e s r e l a t e d t o history, travel, a n d a u t o b i o g r a p h y . S u b t i t l e d A Pilgrimage of Faith, Reason and Discovery, it was t h e s t o r y of a t h r e e - w e e k t r i p

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t h r o u g h the countryside of Wales, E n g l a n d , a n d Scotland that b e c o m e s a n a d v e n t u r e o f t h e spirit a n d a n e x p l o r a t i o n o f t h e c o m p l e x i t i e s o f o u r j o u r n e y t h r o u g h life. Dr. P e c k r e t u r n e d to fiction w i t h In Heaven as on Earth ( N e w York: H y p e r i o n , 1 9 9 6 ) , a s t o r y w h o s e c h a r a c t e r s i n h a b i t a n afterlife w h e r e t h e y m u s t c o n f r o n t a n d a t t e m p t t o r e s o l v e t h e c o n f l i c t s a n d c o m p l e x i t i e s o f t h e i r lives o n e a r t h . A n d finally, Dr. P e c k i s n o w a t w o r k o n a n e w b o o k e n t i t l e d Denial of the Soul: Spiritual and Medical Perspectives on Euthanasia ( s c h e d u l e d for p u b l i c a t i o n in 1997 by H a r m o n y B o o k s ) . Collectively, Dr. P e c k ' s b o o k s h a v e b e e n a d e m o n s t r a t i o n o f b o t h his u n f o l d i n g consciousness a n d t h e ever-increasing c o u r a g e of his t h o u g h t s . T h e r e is s o m e t h i n g in e a c h t h a t we m a y f i n d h e l p f u l , a n d c a n e m u l a t e , a s w e strive t o d e v e l o p o u r o w n s p i r i t u a l lives. T h i s b o o k , I feel, will p r o v i d e p r o f o u n d n e w i n s i g h t s t o g u i d e u s o n this c o n t i n u i n g j o u r n e y . I n its u n i q u e w a y — l i k e t h e a u t h o r a n d e a c h o f h i s b o o k s — i t h a s a s p i r i t o f its own. Fannie

LeFlore

T h e n a m e s a n d s o m e o f t h e c i r c u m s t a n c e s o f all p a t i e n t s o r clients h e r e i n have b e e n altered in o r d e r to preserve their confidentiality.

P A R T

I

Crusade Against Simplism

CHAPTER

1

Thinking

IN IRELAND, THE MIDDLE EAST, SOMALIA, Sri L a n k a , a n d c o u n t l e s s

o t h e r w a r - t o r n a r e a s a r o u n d t h e w o r l d , p r e j u d i c e , r e l i g i o u s intolerance, g r e e d , a n d fear have e r u p t e d i n t o violence t h a t has t a k e n t h e lives o f m i l l i o n s . I n A m e r i c a , t h e d a m a g e c a u s e d b y i n s t i t u t i o n a l i z e d r a c i s m i s p e r h a p s m o r e s u b t l e b u t n o less deva s t a t i n g t o t h e social f a b r i c . R i c h v e r s u s p o o r , b l a c k v e r s u s w h i t e , pro-life v e r s u s p r o - c h o i c e , s t r a i g h t v e r s u s g a y — a l l a r e social, p o l i t i c a l , a n d e c o n o m i c c o n f l i c t s f o u g h t u n d e r t h e b a n n e r o f s o m e i d e o l o g y o r d e e p l y h e l d belief. B u t g i v e n t h e divisive a n d d e s t r u c t i v e r e s u l t s , a r e t h e s e i d e o l o g i e s a n d beliefs r a t i o n a l , o r m e r e r a t i o n a l i z a t i o n s f o r o t h e r w i s e u n r e a s o n a b l e acts? H o w o f t e n , i n fact, d o w e s t o p t o t h i n k a b o u t w h a t w e b e l i e v e ? O n e o f t h e m a j o r d i l e m m a s w e face b o t h a s i n d i v i d u a l s a n d a s a society i s s i m p l i s t i c t h i n k i n g — o r t h e f a i l u r e t o t h i n k a t all. I t i s n ' t j u s t a p r o b l e m , it is the p r o b l e m . Given t h e i m p e r f e c t i o n s o f o u r society a n d t h e a p p a r e n t d o w n w a r d spiral of spiritual a n d m o r a l values in r e c e n t years, t h i n k i n g has b e c o m e a grave issue. It is m o r e u r g e n t n o w — p e r haps m o r e urgent than anything else—because it is the means by which we consider, d e c i d e , a n d act u p o n everything in o u r i n c r e a s i n g l y c o m p l e x w o r l d . I f w e d o n ' t b e g i n t o t h i n k well, it's h i g h l y likely t h a t w e m a y e n d u p k i l l i n g o u r s e l v e s . I n o n e way o r a n o t h e r , e a c h o f m y b o o k s h a s b e e n — s y m bolically a n d s u b s t a n t i v e l y — a c r u s a d e a g a i n s t s i m p l i s t i c t h i n k i n g . I b e g a n The Road Less Traveled w i t h t h e a s s e r t i o n t h a t "life

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is difficult." In Further Along the Road Less Traveled, I a d d e d t h a t "life i s c o m p l e x . " H e r e , i t c a n f u r t h e r b e said t h a t " t h e r e a r e n o easy a n s w e r s . " A n d a l t h o u g h I b e l i e v e t h e r o u t e t o f i n d i n g a n s w e r s i s p r i m a r i l y t h r o u g h b e t t e r t h i n k i n g , e v e n this i s n o t a s simple as it may seem. T h i n k i n g i s difficult. T h i n k i n g i s c o m p l e x . A n d t h i n k i n g i s — m o r e t h a n a n y t h i n g else—a process, with a course or direction, a lapse of time, a n d a series of steps or stages t h a t lead to s o m e r e s u l t . T o t h i n k well i s a l a b o r i o u s , o f t e n p a i n s t a k i n g process until o n e b e c o m e s accustomed to being "thoughtful." S i n c e i t i s a p r o c e s s , t h e c o u r s e o r d i r e c t i o n m a y n o t always b e c l e a r - c u t . N o t all t h e s t e p s o r stages a r e l i n e a r , n o r a r e t h e y always i n t h e s a m e s e q u e n c e . S o m e a r e c i r c u l a r a n d o v e r l a p w i t h o t h e r s . N o t e v e r y o n e s e e k s t o a c h i e v e t h e s a m e r e s u l t . G i v e n all t h i s , i f w e a r e t o t h i n k well, w e m u s t b e o n g u a r d a g a i n s t simplistic t h i n k i n g i n o u r a p p r o a c h t o a n a l y z i n g c r u c i a l issues a n d s o l v i n g t h e p r o b l e m s o f life. A l t h o u g h p e o p l e a r e d i f f e r e n t , a n a l l - t o o - c o m m o n flaw i s t h a t m o s t t e n d t o b e l i e v e t h e y s o m e h o w instinctively k n o w h o w t o t h i n k a n d t o c o m m u n i c a t e . I n reality, t h e y u s u a l l y d o n e i t h e r well b e c a u s e t h e y a r e e i t h e r t o o self-satisfied t o e x a m i n e t h e i r a s s u m p t i o n s a b o u t t h i n k i n g o r t o o self-absorbed t o invest t h e t i m e a n d e n e r g y t o d o s o . A s a r e s u l t , i t i s i m p o s s i b l e t o tell w h y they think as they do or h o w they m a k e their decisions. A n d w h e n c h a l l e n g e d , t h e y s h o w v e r y little a w a r e n e s s o f — o r b e c o m e easily f r u s t r a t e d b y — t h e d y n a m i c s i n v o l v e d i n t r u l y t h i n k i n g a n d c o m m u n i c a t i n g well. Twice d u r i n g my c a r e e r as a l e c t u r e r , I gave an all-day s e m inar on thinking. At the beginning of each, I pointed out that most people think they already know how to think. At the conc l u s i o n o f e a c h , d u r i n g a f e e d b a c k s e s s i o n , s o m e o n e said i n sheer exasperation, " T h e subject is simply too large." I n d e e d , thinking isn't a topic that a n y o n e can digest t h o r o u g h l y in o n e s i t t i n g . W h o l e b o o k s c a n b e ( a n d h a v e b e e n ) w r i t t e n a b o u t it. I t i s n o s u r p r i s e t h a t m a n y p e o p l e resist t h e a r d u o u s efforts involved in continually m o n i t o r i n g a n d revising their thinking. A n d no surprise that by the e n d of the seminars most of the par-

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t i c i p a n t s felt so o v e r w h e l m e d by all t h a t is really i n v o l v e d in thinking that they were either n u m b e d or horrified. Needless t o say, t h e s e w e r e n o t a m o n g m y m o r e p o p u l a r e n g a g e m e n t s . Yet i f all t h e e n e r g y r e q u i r e d t o t h i n k s e e m s t r o u b l e s o m e , t h e lack o f t h i n k i n g c a u s e s far m o r e t r o u b l e a n d c o n f l i c t f o r o u r selves a s i n d i v i d u a l s a n d f o r t h e society i n w h i c h w e live. H a m l e t ' s o f t e n q u o t e d "To b e o r n o t t o b e ? " i s o n e o f life's ultimate existential questions. A n o t h e r question gets to the heart of how we interpret that existence. I would paraphrase S h a k e s p e a r e t o ask, "To t h i n k o r n o t t o t h i n k ? " T h a t i s t h e ultim a t e q u e s t i o n i n c o m b a t i n g s i m p l i s m . A n d a t this p o i n t i n h u m a n e v o l u t i o n , i t m a y b e t h e v e r y e q u i v a l e n t o f "To b e o r n o t t o be?" F r o m my practice as a psychiatrist a n d my e x p e r i e n c e s a n d observations in general, I have b e c o m e familiar with t h e comm o n e r r o r s r e l a t e d t o t h e f a i l u r e t o t h i n k well. O n e , o f c o u r s e , is simply n o t thinking. A n o t h e r is m a k i n g assumptions in thinking, t h r o u g h t h e use of o n e - d i m e n s i o n a l logic, stereotypes, a n d labeling. A n o t h e r p r o b l e m is the belief that thinking a n d comm u n i c a t i o n d o n ' t r e q u i r e m u c h effort. A n o t h e r i s a s s u m i n g t h a t t h i n k i n g is a w a s t e of t i m e , w h i c h is a p a r t i c u l a r f a c t o r in t h e q u i e t r a g e w e e x p e r i e n c e a r o u n d t h e f a i l u r e t o solve m a n y social p r o b l e m s . L e o n a r d H o d g s o n w r o t e : "It i s n o t t h r o u g h t r u s t i n o u r reason that w e g o w r o n g , b u t b e c a u s e t h r o u g h o u r sinfulness our reason is so imperfectly rational. T h e r e m e d y is n o t the substitution of s o m e o t h e r f o r m of a c q u i r i n g k n o w l e d g e for ration a l a p p r e h e n s i o n ; i t i s t h e e d u c a t i o n o f o u r r e a s o n t o b e its t r u e self." A l t h o u g h t h e l a n g u a g e i s s o m e w h a t m i s l e a d i n g , s i n c e h i s b o o k d a t e s b a c k o v e r fifty y e a r s , H o d g s o n ' s w o r d s a r e r e l e v a n t t o t h e d i l e m m a w e face t o d a y . F o r " r e a s o n , " I w o u l d s u b s t i t u t e t h e w o r d " t h i n k i n g " a n d all t h a t i t i m p l i e s . B y " s i n f u l n e s s , " H o d g s o n was r e f e r r i n g , I b e l i e v e , t o o u r c o m b i n e d " o r i g i n a l " sins o f laziness, fear, a n d p r i d e , w h i c h l i m i t u s o r p r e v e n t u s f r o m fulfilling t h e h u m a n p o t e n t i a l . I n r e f e r r i n g t o " t h e e d u c a t i o n o f o u r r e a s o n t o b e its t r u e self," H o d g s o n s u g g e s t s t h a t w e s h o u l d allow o u r t r u e self t o b e w h a t e v e r it's c a p a b l e of, t o rise t o its

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fullest capacity. T h e p o i n t i s n o t t h a t w e s h o u l d n ' t t r u s t o u r b r a i n , specifically o u r f r o n t a l l o b e s . T h e p o i n t i s t h a t w e d o n ' t u s e t h e m e n o u g h . B e c a u s e o f o u r sins o f laziness, fear, a n d p r i d e , w e d o n ' t p u t o u r b r a i n t o full u s e . W e a r e f a c e d w i t h t h e task o f e d u c a t i n g o u r s e l v e s t o b e fully h u m a n .

THE POINT OF HAVING A BRAIN O b v i o u s a s this m a y s e e m , w e ' v e b e e n g i v e n a l a r g e b r a i n s o t h a t we can think. O n e characteristic that distinguishes h u m a n bei n g s f r o m o t h e r c r e a t u r e s i s t h e relatively l a r g e size o f o u r b r a i n , c o m p a r e d t o o u r overall b o d y w e i g h t . ( T h e e x c e p t i o n s a r e w h a l e s a n d dolphins. They have larger brains in p r o p o r t i o n to their bodies t h a n p e o p l e d o , which is o n e reason m a n y animal rights activists a r e v e h e m e n t i n t h e i r m i s s i o n t o p r o t e c t t h e s e s p e c i e s ; t h e y b e l i e v e w h a l e s a n d d o l p h i n s may, i n fact, b e s m a r t e r t h a n w e a r e i n s o m e ways.) W h e t h e r i n h u m a n s o r o t h e r m a m m a l s , t h e b r a i n consists of three c o m p o n e n t s — t h e old brain, the midbrain, a n d the n e w brain. Each has u n i q u e functions in t h e o r c h e s t r a of org a n s t h a t w o r k i n u n i s o n t o k e e p u s alive. T h e old b r a i n — w h i c h is also called t h e reptilian b r a i n — l o o k s little d i f f e r e n t i n h u m a n s t h a n i t d o e s i n w o r m s . A t t h e t o p of o u r spinal cord, we have an elongated bulge that's called the medulla oblongata. T h r o u g h o u t the brain are collections o f n e r v e cells c a l l e d n e u r a l c e n t e r s . I n t h e o l d b r a i n t h e s e c e n ters serve t h e p u r p o s e of m o n i t o r i n g physiological n e e d s , such as controlling o u r respiration, h e a r t rate, sleep, appetite, a n d o t h e r very b a s i c b u t p r i m i t i v e f u n c t i o n s . T h e area known as the midbrain is larger a n d m o r e complex. T h e n e u r a l centers of the m i d b r a i n are involved in t h e governance and in the production of emotions, and neurosurg e o n s have actually m a p p e d o u t t h e locations of these centers. W i t h a h u m a n b e i n g lying o n a n o p e r a t i n g t a b l e u n d e r l o c a l anesthesia, they can insert e l e c t r o d e s or very fine n e e d l e s i n t o

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t h e b r a i n , f r o m t h e t i p o f w h i c h t h e y c a n d e l i v e r a millivolt o f e l e c t r i c a l c u r r e n t a n d a c t u a l l y p r o d u c e specific e m o t i o n s s u c h as anger, euphoria, a n d even depression. T h e n e w b r a i n consists mostly of o u r c e r e b r a l cortex, w h i c h i s also i n v o l v e d i n p r i m i t i v e activities i n c l u d i n g i n s t i n c t s a n d locomotion. T h e biggest difference between us h u m a n s a n d t h e o t h e r m a m m a l s i s t h e size o f o u r n e w b r a i n , a n d specifically o f t h a t p a r t k n o w n a s t h e f r o n t a l l o b e s . T h e d i r e c t i o n o f h u m a n evolution has been primarily in the growth of the f r o n t a l l o b e s . T h e s e l o b e s a r e i n v o l v e d i n o u r ability t o m a k e judgments, a n d it is here that the processing of information— thinking—primarily takes place. J u s t a s o u r c a p a c i t y for l e a r n i n g d e p e n d s o n t h i n k i n g , o u r c a p a c i t y f o r t h i n k i n g well d e p e n d s o n l e a r n i n g . S o a n o t h e r c e n tral f a c t o r t h a t d i s t i n g u i s h e s h u m a n b e i n g s f r o m o t h e r c r e a t u r e s i s r e l a t e d t o o u r ability t o l e a r n . W h i l e w e h a v e i n s t i n c t s like o t h e r a n i m a l s ' , t h e y d o n ' t always a u t o m a t i c a l l y g o v e r n o u r b e h a v i o r t o a s g r e a t a d e g r e e . T h i s f a c t o r gives u s f r e e will. We've b e e n e n d o w e d with t h e c o m b i n a t i o n of these frontal l o b e s a n d f r e e d o m , w h i c h e n a b l e s u s t o l e a r n t h r o u g h o u t a lifetime. Compared to that of other mammals, the period of our c h i l d h o o d d e p e n d e n c y i s m u c h l o n g e r r e l a t i v e t o o u r t o t a l life span. Given o u r relative lack of instincts, we n e e d t h a t time to learn before we are able to b r a n c h out on o u r own. L e a r n i n g is c r u c i a l t o o u r ability t o g r o w i n a w a r e n e s s , t o t h i n k i n d e p e n dently, a n d t o m a s t e r t h e k n o w l e d g e n e c e s s a r y f o r s u r v i v i n g a n d t h r i v i n g in life. W h e n w e a r e y o u n g , o u r d e p e n d e n c y o n t h o s e w h o raise u s s h a p e s o u r t h i n k i n g a n d w h a t w e learn. A n d given o u r l e n g t h y d e p e n d e n c e , w e a r e a t risk o f d e v e l o p i n g t h i n k i n g p a t terns that may b e c o m e ingrained, even seemingly irreversible. I f w e h a v e a d u l t s i n o u r y o u n g lives w h o h e l p u s l e a r n t o t h i n k well, w e b e n e f i t i n a m u l t i t u d e o f ways. I f w e h a v e a d u l t s i n o u r y o u n g lives w h o s e o w n t h i n k i n g i s s u s p e c t , d i s o r d e r e d , o r o t h e r wise l i m i t e d , o u r t h i n k i n g will b e i m p a i r e d b y w h a t w e l e a r n a n d

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don't learn from them. But it would be nonsense to presume that we are d o o m e d . As adults, we no longer have to d e p e n d on o t h e r s t o tell u s w h a t t o t h i n k o r d o . T h e r e is a distinction between healthy a n d unhealthy dep e n d e n c y . In The Road Less Traveled, I w r o t e t h a t d e p e n d e n c y in physically h e a l t h y a d u l t s is p a t h o l o g i c a l — i t is sick, always a m a n i f e s t a t i o n o f a m e n t a l illness o r d e f e c t . I t i s t o b e d i s t i n guished, however, from w h a t are c o m m o n l y referred to as dep e n d e n c y n e e d s o r f e e l i n g s . W e a l l — e a c h a n d every o n e o f u s , e v e n i f w e try t o p r e t e n d t o o t h e r s a n d t o o u r s e l v e s t h a t w e d o n ' t — h a v e d e p e n d e n c y n e e d s a n d feelings. W e have desires t o b e b a b i e d , t o b e n u r t u r e d w i t h o u t effort o n o u r p a r t , t o b e c a r e d for b y p e r s o n s w h o a r e s t r o n g e r t h a n w e a r e a n d have o u r i n t e r e s t s t r u l y a t h e a r t . B u t f o r m o s t o f u s t h e s e d e s i r e s o r feeli n g s d o n o t r u l e o u r lives; t h e y a r e n o t t h e p r e d o m i n a n t t h e m e o f o u r e x i s t e n c e . W h e n t h e y d o r u l e o u r lives a n d d i c t a t e t h e quality of o u r existence, we are suffering from a psychiatric illness c o m m o n l y k n o w n a s passive d e p e n d e n t p e r s o n a l i t y diso r d e r . S u c h d e p e n d e n c y is, a t r o o t , a d i s o r d e r r e l a t e d t o t h i n k ing—specifically, a r e s i s t a n c e to t h i n k i n g f o r o u r s e l v e s . Just as the myriad of disorders that stem from resistance to t h i n k i n g a r e c o m p l e x , s o also i s t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n t h e s e disorders a n d o u r complex brain. O n e particularly exciting a r e a of r e s e a r c h has s h e d s o m e light on aspects of this relations h i p . I n t h e last t w e n t y y e a r s , a m a j o r b r e a k t h r o u g h c a m e a b o u t as a result of split-brain r e s e a r c h e x a m i n i n g m o r e d e e p l y t h e w e l l - k n o w n fact t h a t t h e n e w b r a i n i s d i v i d e d i n t o a r i g h t a n d a left half. A b o d y o f f i b e r s o r w h i t e m a t t e r , t h e c o r p u s c a l l o s u m , c o n n e c t s t h e s e two h e m i s p h e r e s . I t i s n o w b e l i e v e d t h a t t h e left b r a i n i s o u r d e d u c t i v e b r a i n a n d t h e r i g h t b r a i n i s p r i m a r i l y involved in inductive r e a s o n i n g . T h e s e p a t t e r n s a r e n o t total abs o l u t e s , b u t m o r e o r less i n d i c a t e t e n d e n c i e s . S o m e p e o p l e w i t h e p i l e p s y h a v e b e e n t r e a t e d a n d a few c u r e d b y s e v e r i n g this c o n n e c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e two h a l v e s o f t h e b r a i n . L a t e r , t h e s e " s p l i t - b r a i n " p a t i e n t s w e r e scientifically s t u d i e d , a n d a v e r y d r a m a t i c s t u d y s h o w e d t h a t i f y o u c o v e r t h e eye o f s o m e o n e w h o s e b r a i n h a s b e e n s e v e r e d s o t h a t visual i n f o r -

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m a t i o n g e t s o n l y t o t h e left b r a i n , a n d y o u s h o w h i m , f o r ins t a n c e , a n e l e c t r i c a l h e a t e r , h i s d e s c r i p t i o n o f t h e o b j e c t will b e very specific a n d t e l l i n g . H e ' l l likely say, "Well, it's a b o x w i t h a c o r d a n d f i l a m e n t s h e a t e d u p b y electricity." A n d h e ' l l g o o n t o describe various c o m p o n e n t parts with s t u n n i n g accuracy. But he won't be able to n a m e the appliance. On the other h a n d , if y o u f e e d i n f o r m a t i o n o n l y t o t h e r i g h t s i d e o f h i s b r a i n , h e will be able to n a m e the appliance b u t won't be able to explain why it is w h a t it is. T h e c r u x o f s p l i t - b r a i n r e s e a r c h h a s s h o w n t h a t t h e left s i d e i s t h e a n a l y t i c a l b r a i n , w i t h t h e ability t o t a k e w h o l e s a n d b r e a k t h e m up i n t o pieces, while t h e right side is t h e intuitive b r a i n w i t h t h e ability t o t a k e p i e c e s a n d m a k e s w h o l e s o u t o f t h e m . A s h u m a n b e i n g s , w e h a v e t h e ability t o l e a r n b o t h o f t h e s e two p r i m a r y types o f t h i n k i n g : c o n c r e t e a n d abstract. C o n c r e t e thinking deals with particulars in their material form. Abstract thinking deals with particulars in general a n d theoretical terms. T h e results of split-brain research are o n e r e a s o n it has b e e n s u g g e s t e d t h a t g e n d e r d i f f e r e n c e s g o b e y o n d m e r e social conditioning. W o m e n seem to be m o r e right-brained a n d m e n m o r e left-brained. T h a t ' s why in matters involving sex a n d rom a n c e , m e n s e e m m o r e likely t o b e i n t e r e s t e d i n p a r t s , s u c h a s b r e a s t s , legs, a n d p e n i s e s . W o m e n t e n d t o b e m o r e i n t e r e s t e d i n the whole picture, w h i c h m i g h t i n c l u d e n o t only sexual stimuli b u t also a n i g h t o u t w i t h c a n d l e l i g h t d i n n e r . T h e r e f o r e , i n t h e b a t t l e o f t h e s e x e s , w o m e n f r e q u e n t l y h a v e difficulty u n d e r s t a n d i n g w h y m e n a r e s o f o c u s e d o n t h e s e silly c o n c r e t e physical p a r t s a n d m e n likewise h a v e difficulty u n d e r s t a n d i n g w h y w o m e n m i g h t w a n t t o w a s t e t i m e w i t h all this r o m a n t i c c a n d l e l i g h t stuff b e f o r e g e t t i n g d o w n t o t h e " r e a l b u s i n e s s . " T h e r e s e a r c h o n split b r a i n s r e p r e s e n t s , I b e l i e v e , t h e m o s t formidable advance in the field of epistemology, suggesting t h a t w e h a v e a t l e a s t two ways o f k n o w i n g , a n d t h a t o b v i o u s l y w e will k n o w t h i n g s b e t t e r i f w e u s e b o t h left-brain a n d r i g h t - b r a i n thinking. T h a t ' s why I ' m a great p r o p o n e n t of a n d r o g y n o u s thinking. Being androgynous does n o t imply that s o m e o n e is desexed. M e n d o n o t lose their masculinity a n d w o m e n d o n o t

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l o s e t h e i r f e m i n i n i t y i f t h e y a r e a n d r o g y n o u s . R a t h e r , t h e y display t h e c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s o f b o t h s e x e s . T h i n k i n g , i n t h a t s e n s e , w o u l d i m p l y t h e ability t o u s e b o t h sides o f t h e b r a i n t o i n t e grate c o n c r e t e a n d abstract realities. In The Friendly Snowflake, t h e m a i n c h a r a c t e r , J e n n y , e p i t o mizes s o m e o n e w h o is a n d r o g y n o u s . She uses these dual aspects of h e r t h i n k i n g capabilities as she considers the relevance that t h e m y s t e r i o u s p r e s e n c e o f a f r i e n d l y s n o w f l a k e h a s i n h e r life. H e r b r o t h e r , D e n n i s , o n t h e o t h e r h a n d , i s s t e r e o t y p i c a l l y leftbrain-oriented. H e i s very m u c h h o o k e d o n analytical a n d conc r e t e facts a n d h a s less t a s t e f o r mystery, w h i c h m a k e s h i s vision narrower. T h e a n c i e n t S u m e r i a n s , I am told, h a d a basic rule for g u i d i n g their t h i n k i n g n o t unlike split-brain theory. With reg a r d t o any i m p o r t a n t decisions t o b e m a d e (usually a b o u t w h e t h e r o r n o t t o g o t o w a r w i t h t h e B a b y l o n i a n s ) , t h e y literally h a d t o t h i n k twice. I f t h e f i r s t d e c i s i o n h a d b e e n a r r i v e d a t w h e n they were d r u n k , it h a d to be reconsidered w h e n they were s o b e r . If, w h e n d r u n k , t h e y said, " L e t ' s g o g e t t h o s e B a b y l o n i a n s , " t h e n later, i n t h e clear, c o o l l i g h t o f day, i t m i g h t n o t l o o k like s u c h a s m a r t d e c i s i o n . C o n v e r s e l y , i f t h e y w e r e c o l d s o b e r w h e n they d e c i d e d t h a t it w o u l d be strategically clever to b e a t u p t h e B a b y l o n i a n s , t h e y h e l d off a n d said, "First let's d r i n k some wine." Drunk, they might c o m e to the conclusion that " t h e r e ' s n o n e e d t o g o t o w a r w i t h t h e m . H e l l , w e love t h e Babylonians." F o r all t h e y l a c k e d i n m o d e r n t e c h n o l o g y , t h e S u m e r i a n s h a d the right a p p r o a c h . A n d there's no reason why we s h o u l d n ' t be able to t h i n k reasonably in this day a n d age. Unless t h e r e is brain d a m a g e as a result of surgery or a t u m o r or o t h e r disease, we have these w o n d e r f u l frontal lobes at o u r disposal. But that d o e s n ' t m e a n p e o p l e will u s e t h e m , m u c h less u s e t h e m t o t h e i r fullest capacity. I n d e e d , b r a i n d a m a g e i s n ' t t h e o n l y f a c t o r c o n t r i b u t i n g t o t h i n k i n g i r r a t i o n a l l y o r n o t a t all. I t i s t h e l e a s t o f t h e f a c t o r s . A m o n g o t h e r s , t h e r e a r e p r o f o u n d ways i n w h i c h society a c t u a l l y d i s c o u r a g e s u s f r o m u s i n g o u r f r o n t a l l o b e s , p r o -

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m o t i n g o n e - d i m e n s i o n a l , s i m p l i s t i c t h i n k i n g a s t h e n o r m a l way of functioning.

SIMPLISM AND SOCIETY Everywhere we t u r n , t h e e v i d e n c e is a s t o u n d i n g . Simplistic t h i n k i n g has b e c o m e so p a n d e m i c in society t h a t it is considered normal and conventional wisdom a m o n g some segments o f t h e p o p u l a t i o n . R e c e n t e x a m p l e s o f this r a m p a n t s i m p l i s m w e r e e v i d e n t i n t h e c o m m e n t s o f two N o r t h C a r o l i n a p o l i t i cians. Representative H e n r y A l d r i d g e o f Pitt C o u n t y m a d e t h e simple-minded statement that w o m e n who are raped don't get p r e g n a n t b e c a u s e " t h e j u i c e s d o n ' t flow, t h e b o d y f u n c t i o n s d o n ' t work" d u r i n g an attack, as if to whitewash this h o r r i b l e crime of violation. U.S. Senator Jesse H e l m s , in a r g u i n g why he w a n t e d to r e d u c e federal f u n d i n g for AIDS r e s e a r c h , said t h a t h e saw n o r e a s o n t o p r o v i d e a d e q u a t e r e s o u r c e s b e c a u s e t h e d i s e a s e i s b r o u g h t o n b y t h e " d e l i b e r a t e , d i s g u s t i n g a n d revolti n g c o n d u c t " o f t h o s e w h o a r e gay. T h e reality i s t h a t i n a d d i t i o n t o b e i n g sexually t r a n s m i t t e d — a m o n g b o t h h o m o s e x u a l s a n d heterosexuals—AIDS has b e e n transmitted t h r o u g h b l o o d transfusions, t o n e w b o r n b a b i e s t h r o u g h m o t h e r s i n f e c t e d w i t h t h e virus, a n d t o h e a l t h c a r e w o r k e r s w h o w e r e a c c i d e n t a l l y p r i c k e d by i m p r o p e r l y sterilized n e e d l e s u s e d on infected patients. T h u s , H e l m s ' c o m m e n t s m a c k s n o t o n l y o f b i g o t r y b u t o f simp l i s m as well. V a r i o u s i n s t i t u t i o n s o f society, i n t h e i r f a i l u r e t o t e a c h o r d e m o n s t r a t e h o w t o t h i n k well, set p e o p l e u p f o r t h i n k i n g simplistically. Typically, t h i s f a i l u r e i s f o u n d a m o n g t h e m o s t i m m e n s e l y i n f l u e n t i a l i n s t i t u t i o n s o f society i n c l u d i n g , m o r e o f t e n t h a n n o t , t h e family, t h e c h u r c h , a n d t h e m a s s m e d i a . G i v e n t h a t t h e y h a v e t h e g r e a t e s t i m p a c t o n o u r lives, t h e d e c e p t i v e m e s s a g e s t h e y i m p a r t t o u s a b o u t w h a t ' s i m p o r t a n t i n life c a n n o t b e t a k e n lightly. B e c a u s e t h e y a r e o u r c u l t u r a l l e a d e r s i n p o r t r a y i n g c e r t a i n ways o f t h i n k i n g a n d living a s t r u t h , t h e s e in-

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s t i t u t i o n s h a v e t h e p o w e r t o fool a n d m a n i p u l a t e u s . T h e y o f t e n unwittingly p r o m o t e half-truths—sometimes even blatant lies— u n d e r t h e g u i s e o f c u l t u r a l i d e a s t h a t w e ' v e t a k e n for g r a n t e d t o b e " n o r m a l . " O n t h e basis o f c u l t u r a l n o r m s , w e u s u a l l y a s s u m e t h a t i f e v e r y o n e i s t h i n k i n g this o r d o i n g t h a t , i t m u s t b e n o r m a l a n d correct. Such n o r m s include n o t only notions a b o u t what should be t h e g o o d life a n d w h a t s h o u l d b e a c c e p t a b l e , b u t a l s o w h a t s h o u l d b e c o n s i d e r e d b a d o r i n a p p r o p r i a t e . T h e r e a r e positive norms, of course, such as those that p r o m o t e the work ethic a n d e n c o u r a g e civility i n o u r e n c o u n t e r s w i t h e a c h o t h e r . B u t these positive n o r m s a r e n o t t h e p r o b l e m . T h e n o r m s that crea t e c u l t u r a l c h a o s a r e t h e o n e s w e m u s t r e t h i n k . I call t h e m n e g ative n o r m s , a n d f r e q u e n t l y , t h e y a r e d r e s s e d u p a n d m a d e t o look a n d s o u n d pretty. B u t w h e n y o u g o b e n e a t h t h e surface, you'll find they are negative precisely because they discourage o u r g r o w t h . T h e y a r e b a s e d o n h a l f - t r u t h s a n d o u t r i g h t lies t h a t serve to m a n i p u l a t e a n d h o l d us h o s t a g e psychologically a n d spiritually. In People of the Lie, I i n d i c a t e d t h a t lies c r e a t e c o n f u s i o n . B e c a u s e o f t h e difficulty i n s t i t u t i o n s w o u l d h a v e i f t h e y w e r e t o e n d o r s e b l a t a n t lies, t h e y u s u a l l y m a n i p u l a t e p e o p l e b y p r o m o t i n g h a l f - t r u t h s . It is a m o r e s e d u c t i v e a p p r o a c h , b u t a h a l f - t r u t h , w h i c h u s u a l l y l o o k s a n d s o u n d s t r u e b u t really i s n ' t , i s likely t o p r o d u c e even greater confusion. I n d e e d , as the English p o e t A l f r e d , L o r d T e n n y s o n w r o t e : "A lie w h i c h is h a l f a t r u t h is e v e r t h e b l a c k e s t o f lies." T h e b i g g e s t lie p r o m o t e d b y v a r i o u s o f o u r social i n s t i t u t i o n s — a n d this i n s o m e ways plays i n t o o u r h u m a n n a t u r e a n d o u r sin o f l a z i n e s s — i s t h a t w e ' r e h e r e t o b e h a p p y all t h e t i m e . We're b o m b a r d e d by business, t h e media, a n d the c h u r c h with t h e lie t h a t w e ' r e h e r e t o b e h a p p y , fulfilled, a n d c o m f o r t a b l e . F o r m o t i v e s o f p r o f i t , t h e lies o f m a t e r i a l i s m a n d a d v e r t i s i n g s u g g e s t t h a t i f w e ' r e n o t h a p p y , c o m f o r t a b l e , a n d fulfilled, w e m u s t b e e a t i n g t h e w r o n g c e r e a l o r d r i v i n g t h e w r o n g car. O r that we m u s t n o t have it right with G o d . H o w wicked! T h e t r u t h is that o u r finest m o m e n t s , m o r e often t h a n not, o c c u r precisely

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when we are uncomfortable, w h e n we're n o t feeling h a p p y or fulfilled, w h e n w e ' r e s t r u g g l i n g a n d s e a r c h i n g . I n this b o m b a r d m e n t o f o n e - d i m e n s i o n a l t h i n k i n g , w e ' r e t o l d i n c l e a r b u t s u b t l e ways a b o u t w h a t i s e x p e c t e d o f u s i n ord e r t o fit i n t o society. W e a r e d i s c o u r a g e d f r o m q u e s t i o n i n g o r s o r t i n g t h r o u g h , m u c h less c o n f r o n t i n g , t h e lies i n h e r e n t i n materialism. If we w a n t to be s e e n as n o r m a l , we a r e simply exp e c t e d to go a l o n g to get along. But it is n o t simply a m a t t e r of o u r b e i n g d u m p e d o n . F r e q u e n t l y , w e willingly g o a l o n g w i t h t h e lies. O u r l a z i n e s s — o u r n a t u r a l i d o l a t r y o f e a s e a n d c o m fort—makes us co-conspirators with the mass media. O f course p e o p l e are different, b u t m a n y m a k e u p their m i n d s — e v e n a b o u t i m p o r t a n t i s s u e s — o n t h e basis o f v e r y little i n f o r m a t i o n e x c e p t w h a t s o c i e t y tells t h e m i s " n o r m a l . " G i v e n a c h o i c e , m o s t o p t n o t t o t h i n k t h i n g s t h r o u g h . T h e y t a k e t h e lazy way o u t , b u y i n g i n t o s i m p l i s t i c a s s u m p t i o n s a n d s t e r e o t y p e s . I n t h e q u e s t t o feel t h e y fit i n , t h e y fall p r e y t o m a s s - m e d i a lies a n d m a n i p u l a t i o n s in o r d e r to believe they are n o t that different f r o m t h e i r n e i g h b o r s o r s o t h e y c a n feel t h e y ' r e k e e p i n g u p with t h e J o n e s e s . T h e y feel c o m p e l l e d t o b u y t h e c e r e a l s a d v e r tisers say will m a k e t h e m h e a l t h y a n d fit, w i t h o u t q u e s t i o n i n g t h e validity o f s u c h c l a i m s . T h e y b a s e t h e i r s e n s e o f w o r t h p r i marily on t h e p u r c h a s e of luxury cars a n d o t h e r amenities they c a n n o t afford, e v e n t h o u g h i t will p u t t h e m i n f i n a n c i a l s t r a i n with l o n g - t e r m d e b t . M a n y g o a l o n g with negative n o r m s even t h o u g h a n i n n e r g n a w i n g tells t h e m s o m e t h i n g i s s u s p e c t . I t i s q u i t e c o m m o n f o r t h o s e w h o a r e circles, s o t o s p e a k , t o a t t e m p t t o f o r c e t h e m selves t o f i t i n t o t h e s q u a r e p e g s o f c u l t u r a l p a t t e r n s . T h e y a r e unwilling to challenge n o r m s , in part to avoid paying the price of unpopularity, of b e i n g viewed as outcasts w h o are s o m e h o w a b n o r m a l . T h e y u s u a l l y live t o r e g r e t it. H a v i n g e s t a b l i s h e d a solid c a r e e r b y t h e a g e o f thirty-five, b u t still s i n g l e , Sally i s u n d e r g r e a t social p r e s s u r e t o m a r r y t h e n e x t m a n w h o c o m e s a l o n g . G i v e n society's s u s p i c i o n s a n d c r i t i c i s m o f " o l d m a i d s , " s h e s u c c u m b s w i t h o u t t h i n k i n g a b o u t t h e issues m o r e r a d i c a l l y a n d f o r herself. B u t Sally y e a r s l a t e r m a y c o m e t o k n o w t h a t s h e

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should have followed h e r own h u n c h e s a b o u t getting m a r r i e d . L a i d off i n a c o r p o r a t e d o w n s i z i n g w h e n h e i s f i f t y - f i v e , a m a n like Bill m a y f i n d h i m s e l f i n d e e p r e g r e t t h a t h e b y p a s s e d t h e o p p o r t u n i t y t o p u r s u e t h e c a r e e r h e always w a n t e d i n n u r s i n g and instead b o u g h t into the company-man image as the n o r m . M e n i n o u r society e x p e r i e n c e t r e m e n d o u s p r e s s u r e t o p r o v e t h e i r m a s c u l i n i t y t h r o u g h t h e i r i n c o m e . B u t Bill lost o u t b y n o t d a r i n g to be different. M e d i a i m a g e s a r e rife w i t h r i g i d c o n c e p t s a b o u t o u r h u manity. T h e fiftyish w o m a n w h o can't relinquish h e r i m a g e as f o r e v e r t h i r t y will m a k e h e r s e l f m i s e r a b l e t o m a i n t a i n h e r all i a n c e w i t h s i m p l i s m , a n d i n t h e p r o c e s s c i r c u m v e n t t h e possibility o f f i n d i n g g r a c e i n t h e a g i n g p r o c e s s . W h i l e this m a y b e easily d i s m i s s e d a s b e i n g her p r o b l e m , i t i s i m p o r t a n t t o r e c o g nize that this w o m a n is n o t a l o n e . T h e negative n o r m in o u r advertising directly or indirectly suggests that w o m e n a r e primarily sexual objects w h o lose t h e i r value as they age. T h e valuable male in o u r advertising is the o n e w h o makes money. In part bec a u s e o f t h e s i m p l i s m i n h e r e n t i n sexist t h i n k i n g , m a n y a m a n d e e m s his w o r k outside t h e h o m e e x p o n e n t i a l l y m o r e i m p o r t a n t t h a n h i s wife's h o m e m a k i n g skills i n o r d e r t o b o o s t h i s selfi m a g e , d e s p i t e t h e t e n s i o n s i t c r e a t e s t o u p h o l d h i s flawed a s s u m p t i o n s . R a t h e r t h a n u p d a t e t h e i r vision, b o t h m e n a n d w o m e n i n o u r society e n g a g e i n s i m p l i s t i c t h i n k i n g i n o r d e r t o conform to negative n o r m s . W e m a y feel s o m e w h a t like h o s t a g e s i n this p r e d i c a m e n t . We are caught between the d e m a n d s of conformity on the o n e h a n d , w h i l e o n t h e o t h e r , g i v e n o u r f r e e will, w e c a n d e c i d e t h a t i t i s i n o u r b e s t i n t e r e s t t o rise a b o v e c o n v e n t i o n a l g r o u p - t h i n k . W e h a v e t h e ability t o t h i n k i n d e p e n d e n t l y a b o u t i m p o r t a n t iss u e s r a t h e r t h a n l e a d m a n y a s p e c t s o f o u r lives i n a c c o r d a n c e w i t h t h e simplistic t e n e t s o f society. G r a n t e d , i t t a k e s effort t o sort t h r o u g h what we s h o u l d a n d s h o u l d n ' t believe. W h e n we d e n y ourselves autonomy, it is no w o n d e r we b e c o m e confused a n d u n c o m f o r t a b l e . B u t w h e n w e use simplistic formulas b a s e d on the "normal"—or fashionable—thing to do, internal if not e x t e r n a l chaos is the usual result.

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WHAT'S IN FASHION ISN'T NECESSARILY FASHIONABLE T h e extensive influence of fashion in o u r culture often leads to c o n f o r m i t y t h r o u g h simplistic t h i n k i n g . We a r e a fashiono b s e s s e d c u l t u r e , w h e t h e r t h e f a s h i o n o f t h e d a y involves w h a t t o wear, w h a t k i n d o f m u s i c t o listen t o , o r w h i c h p o l i t i c a l i d e o l ogy t o s u b s c r i b e t o a t t h e m o m e n t . O u r i n c r e d i b l e e m p h a s i s o n fashion discourages p e o p l e from thinking i n d e p e n d e n t l y a n d e n c o u r a g e s c o n v e n t i o n a l t h i n k i n g in a c c o r d a n c e with generally a c c e p t e d views a n d s t e r e o t y p e s . S u c h t h i n k i n g m a y b o r d e r o n t h e i r r a t i o n a l o r c r o s s t h e l i n e i n t o insanity, a s i t d i d f o r o u r n a tion in Vietnam. We have an obligation to c o n f r o n t o u r simplistic t h i n k i n g about what being "normal" should mean: an obligation to use critical t h i n k i n g . T h i n k , f o r i n s t a n c e , a b o u t o u r C o n s t i t u t i o n . F o r c l o s e to a c e n t u r y , it c o u n t e d a slave as three-fifths of a p e r s o n . T h a t was f u n d a m e n t a l l y crazy. T h e r e ' s n o s u c h t h i n g a s a fifth of a p e r s o n . Either y o u ' r e a p e r s o n or y o u ' r e not. While it m a y h a v e b e e n f a s h i o n a b l e — a w o r k a b l e p o l i t i c a l a n d social c o m p r o m i s e at t h e t i m e — t h i s a n o m a l y wasn't seriously quest i o n e d for d e c a d e s . T o u s e critical t h i n k i n g d o e s n ' t s u g g e s t t h a t e v e r y o n e m u s t b e c o m e a w a l k i n g e n c y c l o p e d i a . I t d o e s n ' t m e a n w e all h a v e t o k n o w e v e r y t h i n g a b o u t t h e Dred Scott d e c i s i o n , f o r e x a m p l e . B u t w e h a v e a n o b l i g a t i o n t o study, l e a r n , a n d t h i n k a b o u t t h o s e things that are of high i m p o r t a n c e . O n e of t h e most crucial skills o f critical t h i n k i n g i s t h a t o f d e c i d i n g w h a t i s e s s e n t i a l t o t h i n k o r l e a r n a b o u t , a n d w h a t i s n o n e s s e n t i a l . A n d w e m u s t ack n o w l e d g e t h e g a p s i n o u r o w n k n o w l e d g e , r a t h e r t h a n feel c o m p e l l e d t o let p r i d e , fear, o r laziness l u r e u s i n t o a s s u m i n g t h e r o l e o f know-it-all.

ASSUMPTIONS, STEREOTYPES, AND LABELING To assume we know everything, a n d particularly s o m e t h i n g we d o n ' t really k n o w , is, a s t h e o l d s a y i n g g o e s , t o m a k e a n ass o u t

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o f y o u a n d m e . T h e s i m p l i s m o f a s s u m p t i o n s i s a way o f life f o r s o m e . T h e r e a r e p e o p l e w h o a s s u m e t h e i r way o f t h i n k i n g — w h e t h e r it's a b o u t a w o m a n ' s r i g h t t o a b o r t i o n o r a b o u t p r a y e r i n s c h o o l s — h a s t o b e "always r i g h t , " d e s p i t e a n y e v i d e n c e t o t h e c o n t r a r y . W h e n i t involves a p r e c a r i o u s n e e d t o p r e s e r v e t h e i r o w n false s e n s e o f i n t e g r i t y a n d dignity, t h e i r self-image b e comes cloaked in assumptions of righteousness. They can't— w o n ' t — c o n s i d e r a l t e r n a t i v e s . P e r h a p s i t w o u l d feel a l m o s t like d e a t h to do so, to let go of their simplism. S o m e of the most c o m m o n — a n d often destructive—ass u m p t i o n s are based on stereotypes a b o u t ourselves a n d o t h e r p e o p l e . S t e r e o t y p i n g typically involves l a b e l i n g a n d c a t e g o r i z ing people and things in a simpleminded manner, then making j u d g m e n t s o n t h e basis o f t h e a s s u m p t i o n s w e a t t a c h t o t h e s e categories. Such assumptions often prove to be misleading. T h e h e r o of my n o v e l In Heaven as on Earth starts off a s s u m i n g t h a t t h e r e will b e n o m y s t e r y i n h e a v e n ; e v e r y t h i n g will b e b l a n d , straightforward, a n d clear-cut. T o his surprise, h e f i n d s t h a t h e a v e n — l i k e e a r t h — c o n s i s t s o f a complex m a z e o f s u r p r i s e s , twists, a n d t u r n s r a t h e r t h a n s o m e simplistic Utopia. M a n y m a k e j u d g m e n t s a b o u t o t h e r s o n t h e basis o f labels—for e x a m p l e , associating liberals with b l e e d i n g hearts a n d conservatives with t h e righteously rigid. Racial a n d e t h n i c labels a r e rife w i t h o f t e n m i s l e a d i n g a s s u m p t i o n s a b o u t t h e c h a r a c t e r s of individuals w h o are identified with these g r o u p s . A Jewish p e r s o n ' s political disposition may be incorrectly perceived by s o m e o n t h e basis o f c a t e g o r i e s d i v i d i n g J u d a i s m i n t o O r t h o dox, Conservative, a n d Reform camps. Used-car salesmen are j u d g e d b y s o m e t o b e sleazy o r u n s c r u p u l o u s , t h u s u n d e r m i n ing the reputation of the many hardworking salesmen whose c h a r a c t e r s a r e a b o v e r e p r o a c h . A n d t h e r e i s a c o m m o n ass u m p t i o n t h a t a n y o n e w h o o p e n l y calls h i m s e l f a C h r i s t i a n m u s t b e a f u n d a m e n t a l i s t , o r t h a t a n y o n e w h o calls h i m s e l f agnostic m u s t n o t b e spiritually m a t u r e . While some stereotypes may have a grain of truth to them, f r e q u e n t l y t h e y a r e t o o s i m p l i s t i c t o c a p t u r e t h e s u b t l e differe n c e s , a s well a s t h e s i m i l a r i t i e s , i n m a k i n g c o m p a r i s o n s a n d

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j u d g m e n t s . W h e n e x t r e m e , t h e y m a y f o r m t h e basis o f a s s u m p t i o n s t h a t a r e u s e d t o b r i n g a b o u t o r justify p o t e n t i a l l y d e s t r u c tive a c t i o n s . O n e o f t h e m a i n d y n a m i c s o f m y m u r d e r mystery, A Bed b y the Window, is t h e s t e r e o t y p i c a l t h i n k i n g of a y o u n g d e t e c t i v e . O n t h e basis o f h i s m a n y a s s u m p t i o n s , L i e u t e n a n t P e t r i m a k e s a host of errors in thinking a n d j u d g m e n t that lead him to c o m e perilously close to arresting t h e w r o n g p e r s o n . His first assumption leads h i m to n a r r o w his investigation to o n e female n u r s e simply b e c a u s e s h e h a d b e e n sexually involved with t h e m u r d e r victim. H i s s e c o n d a s s u m p t i o n i s b e l i e v i n g t h a t this w o m a n c o u l d n ' t possibly h a v e l o v e d t h e v i c t i m b e c a u s e h e was s o p h y s ically d e f o r m e d , e v e n t h o u g h s h e i n fact c a r e d d e e p l y f o r h i m . And because m o r e people at the nursing h o m e had died duri n g t h e shift t h a t this n u r s e w o r k e d , L i e u t e n a n t P e t r i a s s u m e s s h e i s a m a s s m u r d e r e r w h o kills p a t i e n t s i n t h e n a m e o f m e r c y . O n e o f t h e m o s t cynical a s s u m p t i o n s e s p o u s e d b y L i e u t e n a n t P e t r i also t u r n s o u t t o b e t h e m o s t b l i n d i n g . H e b e l i e v e s that p e o p l e in nursing h o m e s w h o are senile can never think. As a result, he dismisses subtle leads, overlooks significant clues, a n d neglects i m p o r t a n t aspects of his e x p e r i e n c e s in c o n n e c t ing with o t h e r s d u r i n g his investigation. I n his g e n e r i c stereotypes a b o u t p e o p l e i n n u r s i n g h o m e s , t h e c h a r a c t e r i s m o d e l e d a f t e r myself. Initially i n m y o w n p r o fessional c a r e e r w h e n I w o r k e d w i t h p a t i e n t s i n a n u r s i n g h o m e , I w o r e b l i n d e r s . M y a s s u m p t i o n was t h a t n u r s i n g h o m e s w e r e m e r e d u m p i n g g r o u n d s f o r t h e living d e a d . O v e r t i m e , w h a t I f o u n d i n s t e a d was a n e n v i r o n m e n t w i t h v a r i e d d e p t h s , f i l l e d with i n t e r e s t i n g p e o p l e , h u m o r , love, a n d all o t h e r a s p e c t s o f h u m a n behavior. As I did t h r o u g h firsthand experience, Lieut e n a n t Petri eventually learns to look b e y o n d the surface. He g r a d u a l l y h a s h i s eyes o p e n e d t o t h e r e a l i z a t i o n t h a t s i m p l i s t i c t h i n k i n g o f t e n l e a d s u s d o w n b l i n d alleys. W e i n d e e d g o d o w n b l i n d alleys w h e n w e rely strictly o n ass u m p t i o n s , labels, a n d stereotypes a n d t h i n k a b o u t p e o p l e in a simplistic way. T o a s s u m e , b e c a u s e I w r i t e a b o u t spirituality, t h a t I d o n o t h a v e h u m a n failings w o u l d b e a s i m p l i s t i c c o n c l u s i o n .

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T o say t h a t s o m e o n e w h o i d e n t i f i e s h i m s e l f a s a C h r i s t i a n m u s t t h e r e f o r e a u t o m a t i c a l l y b e h o l i e r t h a n all o t h e r s w o u l d b e a n o t h e r simplistic a s s u m p t i o n . With religion in particular, t h e r e ' s a t e n d e n c y for m a n y to use labels a n d a s s u m p t i o n s to validate t h e i r spirituality. S o m e t h i n k t h a t t h e d e n o m i n a t i o n t o w h i c h they b e l o n g m u s t be the o n e a n d only route to realizing God. T h a t is mistaken. G o d d o e s n ' t care as m u c h a b o u t labels as S h e does about substance. L a b e l i n g o f p e o p l e a n d t h i n g s always h a s h i d d e n liabilities. For one, it diminishes and depletes their depth. In my opinion, t h e a s s u m p t i o n t h a t s o m e o n e w h o i s physically b e a u t i f u l i s also k i n d e r a n d s m a r t e r t h a n s o m e o n e w h o i s physically d e f o r m e d i s o n l y t h a t : a n a s s u m p t i o n , n o t a t r u t h . Yet s t u d y a f t e r s t u d y d o n e o n this s u b j e c t s h o w s t h a t m o s t p e o p l e favor t h o s e w h o a r e viewed as attractive a n d m o s t often attribute such b e n e v o l e n t qualities to t h e m . M a n y a s s u m p t i o n s w e d r a w f r o m l a b e l i n g k e e p life a t t h e level o f superficiality. W e n e g l e c t t o q u e s t i o n o u r c o n c l u s i o n s . I t w o u l d , h o w e v e r , b e j u s t a s s i m p l i s t i c t o say t h a t t h e r e ' s n e v e r a n y g o o d r e a s o n for labeling. Scientists m u s t categorize things to test t h e o r i e s a n d t o r e p l i c a t e r e s u l t s . T e a c h e r s m u s t r e c o g n i z e t h a t n o t every seventh-grader is c a p a b l e of b e c o m i n g a g r e a t writer. P a r e n t s m u s t d i s t i n g u i s h b e t w e e n t h e p e r s o n a l tastes a n d t e m p e r a m e n t s of their children if they're going to be perc e p t i v e e n o u g h t o r e s p o n d t o t h e specific n e e d s o f e a c h c h i l d . S o l a b e l i n g h a s its p u r p o s e s — l i m i t e d p u r p o s e s . W h e n it's p r o d u c t i v e , i t s e r v e s t o h e l p u s m a k e q u i c k , s o m e t i m e s lifesaying decisions. If y o u ' r e on the street at night a n d b e i n g a p p r o a c h e d by a m e n a c i n g s t r a n g e r w i t h a g u n , it w o u l d be f o o l i s h to say, " H m , l e t m e a n a l y z e t h i s b e f o r e I flee." W e n e e d t o u s e l a b e l s t o size u p s o m e t h i n g s . T h e r e a r e times w h e n we m u s t m a k e t e m p o r a r y decisions until we have m o r e information or experience a b o u t a situation or person. But for t h e m o s t part, we t e n d to label for t h e w r o n g reasons. W h e n w e u s e l a b e l i n g t o m a k e a s s u m p t i o n s a n d u n j u s t l y disc r i m i n a t e against o t h e r s — o r to m a k e excuses for ourselves—we infer b r o a d e r qualities a b o u t a p e r s o n or a situation without the

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information necessary to s u p p o r t o u r conclusions. Sometimes, the consequences can be destructive n o t only to others b u t to ourselves.

COMMON CRIMINAL THINKING If w e ' r e h o n e s t with ourselves, m o s t of us m u s t a d m i t that at some time or a n o t h e r we have e n g a g e d in criminal thinking, w h i c h i s b u t o n e f o r m o f d i s o r d e r e d t h i n k i n g . T h e b u l k o f critical t h e o r y o n c r i m i n a l t h i n k i n g h a s b e e n d e r i v e d p r i m a r i l y from p e o p l e w h o are incarcerated or have otherwise b r o k e n t h e law. B u t t h e r e i s o f t e n a t h i n l i n e s e p a r a t i n g c r i m i n a l s b e h i n d bars from t h e rest of us. T h e r e s e a r c h on criminal thinking underscores the most c o m m o n patterns of irrational t h o u g h t that lead to disordered decisions. Most c o m m o n criminal t h i n k i n g p a t t e r n s are n o t s o m u c h c o n v o l u t e d a s simplistic a n d one-dimensional. T h e n t h e r e is a t e n d e n c y a m o n g s o m e to see t h e m s e l v e s a s always t h e victim. P e o p l e w h o t h i n k this way d o n o t t a k e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r t h e i r c h o i c e s . F o r o t h e r s still, t h e r e i s a lack o f p e r s p e c t i v e a b o u t t i m e , w h i c h r e s u l t s i n living p r i m a r ily i n t h e p r e s e n t , w i t h o u t i n v e s t i n g i n t h e f u t u r e o r t a k i n g i n t o account the consequences of one's actions. O n e aspect of criminal thinking patterns stands out most b e c a u s e o f its p r e v a l e n c e a m o n g n o n c r i m i n a l s e g m e n t s o f t h e population. It is an attitude of ownership, or what can be ref e r r e d to as a s e n s e of e n t i t l e m e n t . I n h e r e n t in t h i s a t t i t u d e is a c o c k i n e s s t h a t b o r d e r s o n b l a t a n t n a r c i s s i s m . T h o s e w i t h a n ext r e m e s e n s e o f e n t i t l e m e n t a r e a b l e t o justify v i o l a t i n g o t h e r people or their property without regard to their rights. If their t h i n k i n g s t e m s f r o m a n " i n f e r i o r i t y c o m p l e x , " t h o s e w h o feel entitled see themselves as helpless a n d often as victims. T h e y c o m p l a i n a n d p r o t e s t g r e a t l y a b o u t t h e lack o f o p p o r t u n i t i e s t h e y h a v e h a d i n life b e c a u s e o f t h e i r e t h n i c , e c o n o m i c , o r f a m ily b a c k g r o u n d . T h e y d i s c o u n t t h e i r o w n f a i l u r e t o p u t i n t h e effort r e q u i r e d t o i m p r o v e t h e i r lives. S o m e will c h o o s e t o steal, manipulate, a n d otherwise take from others because of their

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b e l i e f t h a t t h e w o r l d o w e s t h e m . T h e y fail t o s e e t h e i r o w n n e g l i g e n c e i n c o n s i d e r i n g a l t e r n a t i v e ways o f t h i n k i n g a n d living. I n o t h e r s t h e s e n s e o f e n t i t l e m e n t arises o u t o f a " s u p e r i o r ity c o m p l e x . " A p e r s o n m a y b e l i e v e h e s h o u l d always h a v e f i r s t s h o t at everything, again usually b e c a u s e of his e t h n i c , econ o m i c , o r family b a c k g r o u n d . H e t h i n k s t h o s e like h i m a r e a l s o superior a n d therefore d u e anything they desire, even if getting i t m e a n s t a k i n g f r o m o t h e r s . H e feels e n t i t l e d t o t h e b e s t e d u cational or j o b opportunities, a n d is offended by others w h o w a n t t h e b e s t f o r t h e m s e l v e s . D e s i r i n g t h e b e s t i n life i s n o t t h e p r o b l e m . This t h i n k i n g is p r o b l e m a t i c w h e n p e o p l e a r e willing to violate o t h e r s by discrimination, exploitation, a n d o p p r e s sion, d e n y i n g t h e m t h e s a m e rights, o p p o r t u n i t i e s , a n d access to valued resources. O f c o u r s e , all o f this i s s i m p l i s t i c t h i n k i n g . I t i s a s a p p a r e n t a m o n g those c o n s i d e r e d t o b e otherwise intelligent a n d successful, w h o h a v e a t t e n d e d t o p - n o t c h s c h o o l s a n d r u n m a j o r corporations, as it is a m o n g the u n e d u c a t e d , underprivileged, a n d c r i m i n a l a n d m e n t a l l y ill p o p u l a t i o n s . T h e c o m m o n d e n o m i n a t o r i s o u r h u m a n t e n d e n c y o f failing t o t h i n k well.

THINKING T O O LITTLE IS YOUR PROBLEM O n e p a t i e n t I saw i n m y p r a c t i c e y e a r s a g o i s a n e x a m p l e o f t h e p r o b l e m s c r e a t e d b y a f a i l u r e t o t h i n k well. H i s p r e v a i l i n g m o tive, a n d t h e specific d e f e c t i n h i s t h i n k i n g , was r e s i s t a n c e t o c h a n g e . G i v e n t h a t w e live i n a w o r l d o f c h a n g e , t h i n k i n g t h a t i t was p o s s i b l e n o t t o c h a n g e , o r s i m p l y t o a v o i d c h a n g e , fell s o m e w h e r e in b e t w e e n an illusion a n d a delusion. This m a n c a m e t o s e e m e f r o m a c o u n t r y t o w n t h a t was a b o u t a twentym i n u t e d r i v e f r o m m y office. H e saw m e twice a w e e k f o r f o u r y e a r s a n d w e n t t h r o u g h h i s life savings f o r t h e s e s e s s i o n s . T h i s investment of time a n d m o n e y w o u l d s e e m to reflect an interest i n c h a n g e a n d g r o w t h . S u c h , I d i s c o v e r e d , was n o t t h e c a s e . W h e n h e first s t a r t e d , I g a v e h i m a m a p f o r a s h o r t c u t h e c o u l d t a k e w h e n c o m i n g t o s e e m e , saving b o t h t i m e a n d

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m o n e y . A b o u t six m o n t h s i n t o t h e r a p y , h e c o m p l a i n e d o n e d a y a b o u t h o w l o n g i t t o o k t o d r i v e t o h i s a p p o i n t m e n t s . S o I said, "Well, J o h n , try t h e s h o r t c u t . " B u t h e r e p l i e d , " I ' m sorry, I lost t h e m a p . " I gave h i m a n o t h e r o n e . A b o u t six m o n t h s after t h a t , h e c o m p l a i n e d a g a i n a b o u t h o w l o n g i t t o o k . I a s k e d , "Well, d o y o u t a k e t h e s h o r t c u t ? " H e said, " N o , it's w i n t e r a n d I h a v e n ' t w a n t e d t o c h a n c e i t o n t h e icy b a c k r o a d s . " I t h e n a s k e d w h e t h e r h e h a d lost t h e m a p a g a i n , a n d I e n d e d u p g i v i n g h i m a n o t h e r o n e . Finally, a y e a r o r s o l a t e r — a b o u t two y e a r s i n t o t h e r a p y — h e s t a r t e d c o m p l a i n i n g again, a n d again I asked, "John, have you tried the shortcut?" H e said, " O h , y e a h . I t r i e d i t b u t i t d i d n ' t save a n y t i m e . " S o I s a i d — a n d this i s n o t typical o f a n a l y s t b e h a v i o r — " J o h n , off t h e c o u c h . G e t off t h e c o u c h . W e ' r e g o i n g t o d o a n e x p e r i m e n t . " I gave h i m t h e o p t i o n o f b e i n g t h e r e c o r d e r o r t h e driver. He decided to be the recorder. We got into my car a n d drove the r o u t e he usually took, a n d t h e n we drove t h e s h o r t c u t back t o m y office. T h e s h o r t c u t w o u l d h a v e s a v e d h i m f i v e m i n u t e s e a c h way. " J o h n , " I said. " I ' d like t o p o i n t o u t s o m e t h i n g t o y o u . You h a v e lost t e n m i n u t e s o n e v e r y r o u n d t r i p y o u h a v e m a d e t o m y office. You h a v e g o n e o u t o f y o u r way f o r t h e last two y e a r s , t h e e q u i v a l e n t o f two t h o u s a n d m i n u t e s , o r t h r e e days. You h a v e w a s t e d t h r e e days o f y o u r life. N o t o n l y t h a t , " I a d d e d , " y o u ' v e d r i v e n a t o t a l o f twelve t h o u s a n d m i l e s o u t o f y o u r way t o a v o i d taking that shortcut. A n d if that isn't e n o u g h , you've lied to protect your neurosis." It was a y e a r a f t e r t h a t — a f t e r a t o t a l of t h r e e y e a r s of t h e r a p y — w h e n J o h n f i n a l l y said, "Well, I g u e s s — I s u p p o s e — t h e d o m i n a n t m o t i v e i n m y life i s t o a v o i d a n y c h a n g e . " T h a t was why he avoided taking t h e shortcut. It w o u l d have m e a n t thinking a n d d o i n g s o m e t h i n g different from what he h a d b e c o m e a c c u s t o m e d t o . T h e s a m e was t r u e i n o u r w o r k t o g e t h e r . B u t h i s use of t h e p h r a s e "I guess" a n d "I suppose" m a d e it clear that J o h n was still r e l u c t a n t t o o w n u p t o t h e n e c e s s i t y f o r c h a n g e . T h e p o w e r o f n e u r o s e s c a n b e f o r m i d a b l e . Less t h a n a successful c a s e , u n t i l t h e v e r y e n d o f o u r w o r k h e c o n t i n u e d t o set h i m self u p f o r f a i l u r e b y s e e k i n g t o a v o i d t h e risks i n v o l v e d w i t h

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c h a n g e . Like J o h n , m a n y p e o p l e r u n from the c h a n g e necessary for g r o w t h . T h e y a r e n ' t willing t o face t h e task o f r e f o r m u lating s o m e of t h e a s s u m p t i o n s a n d illusions they have a c c e p t e d as t r u t h . W h e n I was i n p s y c h i a t r i c t r a i n i n g , s c h i z o p h r e n i a was labeled a t h i n k i n g disorder, or a t h o u g h t disorder. Since that t i m e , I h a v e c o m e t o b e l i e v e t h a t all p s y c h i a t r i c d i s o r d e r s a r e t h i n k i n g d i s o r d e r s . I n d i v i d u a l s a t t h e e x t r e m e s o f m e n t a l illness, as in s o m e forms of s c h i z o p h r e n i a , a r e clearly t h e victims o f d i s o r d e r e d t h i n k i n g a n d m a y b e s o far o u t o f t o u c h w i t h r e ality t h a t t h e y c a n n o t f u n c t i o n well i n day-to-day activities. Yet w e h a v e all m e t narcissists, o b s e s s i v e - c o m p u l s i v e s , a n d passived e p e n d e n t p e o p l e i n o u r social a n d w o r k lives. T h e i r m e n t a l h e a l t h m a y b e fragile, b u t t h e y m a n a g e t o a p p e a r " n o r m a l " a n d g e t by. T h e fact, h o w e v e r , i s t h a t they, t o o , a r e d i s o r d e r e d t h i n k e r s . Narcissists c a n n o t t h i n k a b o u t o t h e r p e o p l e . Obsessivec o m p u l s i v e s c a n n o t t h i n k a b o u t t h e b i g p i c t u r e . Passived e p e n d e n t p e o p l e c a n n o t t h i n k for themselves. In every psychiatric c o n d i t i o n I have w o r k e d with over t h e y e a r s , t h e r e was s o m e d i s o r d e r o f t h i n k i n g i n v o l v e d . M o s t p e o ple w h o go into therapy are suffering from either a neurosis or character disorder. A m o n g the general population w h o never go to see a psychotherapist, these c o n d i t i o n s are equally p r o m i n e n t a n d are, again, the result of disordered thinking. They are, at root, illusions of responsibility, a n d as such, they reflect o p p o s i t e styles o f t h i n k i n g a b o u t a n d r e l a t i n g t o t h e w o r l d a n d t h e p r o b l e m s i n life. T h e n e u r o t i c p e r s o n is u n d e r t h e illusion that she is res p o n s i b l e f o r e v e r y o n e o r e v e r y t h i n g a n d , a s a r e s u l t , o f t e n assumes too m u c h responsibility. W h e n n e u r o t i c s are i n conflict with t h e world, they t e n d to a s s u m e automatically t h a t they a r e a t fault. T h e p e r s o n w i t h a c h a r a c t e r d i s o r d e r o p e r a t e s u n d e r t h e illusion t h a t he s h o u l d n ' t have to be r e s p o n s i b l e for himself o r a n y o n e else. T h u s , h e ' s n o t likely t o t a k e o n e n o u g h r e s p o n sibility. W h e n t h o s e w i t h c h a r a c t e r d i s o r d e r s a r e i n c o n f l i c t w i t h t h e w o r l d t h e y a u t o m a t i c a l l y a s s u m e t h e w o r l d i s a t fault.

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L e t m e p o i n t o u t t h a t all o f u s h a v e t o live w i t h s o m e illusions. T h e s e a r e w h a t p s y c h o l o g i s t s call h e a l t h y i l l u s i o n s , w h i c h h e l p s u p p o r t u s d u r i n g p e r i o d s o f t r a n s i t i o n i n life a n d give u s h o p e . T a k e t h e i l l u s i o n o f r o m a n t i c love. P e o p l e w o u l d n ' t g e t m a r r i e d w i t h o u t it. T h e i l l u s i o n t h a t r a i s i n g c h i l d r e n i s g o i n g t o be m o r e fun t h a n p a i n is healthy, too. Otherwise we w o u l d n ' t have children. I t h o u g h t that my own children would be easier to deal with w h e n they got o u t of diapers, a n d t h e n I t h o u g h t that they would be easier w h e n they started school. T h e n I t h o u g h t t h e y w o u l d b e e a s i e r w h e n t h e y g o t t h e i r d r i v e r ' s licenses. T h e n w h e n they w e n t t o college. T h e n w h e n they got m a r r i e d . N o w I h a v e t h e i l l u s i o n t h a t m y c h i l d r e n will b e e a s i e r t o d e a l w i t h o n c e t h e y ' r e i n t h e i r f o r t i e s . I l l u s i o n s like t h a t k e e p us going a n d encourage growth. S o i l l u s i o n s a r e n o t totally b a d , u n l e s s w e h o l d o n t o t h e m far t o o l o n g a n d b e y o n d t h e i r u s e f u l n e s s . T h e p r o b l e m c o m e s w h e n o u r i l l u s i o n s c o n s i s t e n t l y i n t e r f e r e w i t h g r o w t h . F o r exa m p l e , t h e s i x t e e n - y e a r - o l d w h o b e c o m e s obsessive i n h e r t h i n k i n g a b o u t h e r e a t i n g h a b i t s a n d a p p e a r a n c e m a y feel s h e i s never thin e n o u g h or good e n o u g h to measure up to the other girls i n h e r s c h o o l . I n t a k i n g t h i s i l l u s i o n t o a n e x t r e m e , s h e may starve herself a n d b e c o m e a n o r e x i c . O r she m a y o u t g r o w this n e u r o t i c d i l e m m a b y t h e t i m e s h e r e a c h e s h e r t w e n t i e s a n d b e c o m e s m o r e c o n f i d e n t a n d self-assured. T h e y o u n g m a n w h o d o e s n ' t excel in sports m a y find t h a t his intellectual qualities c o m p e n s a t e f o r h i s lack o f a t h l e t i c skills. I f h e c a n l e a r n t o v a l u e his i n t e l l e c t , i t will b e m o r e p o s s i b l e t o o v e r c o m e t h e n e u r o t i c inferiority c o m p l e x h e e x p e r i e n c e s w h e n c o m p a r i n g himself t o t h e j o c k s a t h i s s c h o o l . S o a m i l d n e u r o s i s o r s l i g h t c h a r a c t e r diso r d e r n e e d n o t be viewed as a lifetime disposition. On t h e o t h e r h a n d , o u r persistent n e u r o s e s a n d character disorders are cripp l i n g i f n o t d e a l t w i t h . T h e y c a n g r o w a n d b e c o m e like b o u l d e r s t h a t totally b l o c k o u r way. C a r l J u n g w r o t e , " N e u r o s i s is always a s u b s t i t u t e f o r legitim a t e suffering." B u t t h e substitute can b e c o m e m o r e painful t h a n t h e l e g i t i m a t e s u f f e r i n g i t was d e s i g n e d t o a v o i d . T h e n e u -

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rosis itself u l t i m a t e l y b e c o m e s t h e b i g g e s t p r o b l e m . A s I w r o t e in The Road Less Traveled, " T r u e to f o r m , m a n y will t h e n a t t e m p t t o a v o i d this p a i n a n d this p r o b l e m , i n t u r n , b u i l d i n g l a y e r u p o n layer of neurosis. Fortunately, however, s o m e possess t h e c o u r a g e t o face t h e i r n e u r o s e s a n d b e g i n — u s u a l l y w i t h t h e help of psychotherapy—to learn how to experience legitimate suffering. In any case, w h e n we avoid t h e legitimate suffering t h a t r e s u l t s f r o m d e a l i n g w i t h p r o b l e m s , w e also a v o i d t h e g r o w t h t h a t p r o b l e m s d e m a n d from us. It is for this r e a s o n t h a t i n c h r o n i c m e n t a l illness w e s t o p g r o w i n g , w e b e c o m e s t u c k . A n d w i t h o u t growth, w i t h o u t healing, t h e h u m a n spirit begins t o shrivel."

THINKING T O O MUCH IS SOMEBODY ELSE'S PROBLEM A l t h o u g h often w e d o d a m a g e t o ourselves t h r o u g h simplistic thinking, there are o t h e r times w h e n p e o p l e may seek to dama g e u s f o r d a r i n g t o t h i n k well. I f w e t h i n k a g r e a t d e a l a n d o t h e r s d o n ' t p a r t i c u l a r l y like it, t h a t i s t h e i r p r o b l e m , n o t o u r s . I f y o u u s e y o u r b r a i n , it's b o u n d t o c r e a t e a p r o b l e m f o r o t h e r s i f they are seeking to use, abuse, or control you or k e e p you dep e n d e n t o r fearful. T h e i r h i d d e n motive m a y b e t o d i s c o u r a g e you from realizing t h e sense of personal p o w e r that is directly r e l a t e d t o t h e ability t o e x e r c i s e g o o d , i n d e p e n d e n t t h i n k i n g . M u c h is invested in having us believe everything we r e a d in n e w s p a p e r s a n d e v e r y t h i n g o u r g o v e r n m e n t tells u s . A f t e r all, i f w e ' r e n o t t h i n k i n g f o r o u r s e l v e s , w e a r e easy t a r g e t s f o r c o n t r o l and manipulation. To keep us dependent, we are taught that it's n o t n e c e s s a r y t o t h i n k m u c h . M y o w n p a r e n t s u s e d t o r o u tinely tell m e , "Scotty, y o u t h i n k t o o m u c h . " H o w m a n y p a r e n t s or teachers have told children the same thing: 'You think too m u c h . " W h a t a t e r r i b l e t h i n g t o say t o a n y b o d y . T h e r e a s o n w e w e r e given a b r a i n is to t h i n k . B u t we live in a c u l t u r e t h a t p l a c e s little v a l u e o n t h e i n t e l l e c t , t h e ability t o t h i n k well, b e c a u s e i t i s v i e w e d a s d i f f e r e n t — a n d possibly e v e n d a n g e r o u s . F o r a n y o n e

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w h o i s i n c o n t r o l , like p a r e n t s o r e m p l o y e r s o r o u r g o v e r n m e n t , i t m a y feel like a t h r e a t w h e n s o m e o n e else t h i n k s i n d e p e n dently. T h e m o s t c o m m o n r e s p o n s e t o all o f m y w r i t i n g s i s n o t t h a t I've said a n y t h i n g p a r t i c u l a r l y new. I t i s t h a t I w r i t e a b o u t t h e k i n d s o f t h i n g s t h a t a l o t o f p e o p l e h a v e b e e n t h i n k i n g all a l o n g , b u t w e r e a f r a i d t o talk a b o u t . T h e y h a v e f o u n d t h e k n o w l e d g e that they are n o t a l o n e — n o t crazy—to be of great solace in a culture that discourages thinking, a n d often candor. I n d e e d , it t a k e s c o u r a g e t o b e d i f f e r e n t , t o d a r e t o b e oneself. I f w e c h o o s e t o t h i n k f o r o u r s e l v e s , w e m u s t b e b r a c e d f o r b a c k l a s h . W e risk being seen as eccentrics or malcontents. We may be p r e s u m e d t o b e o n t h e f r i n g e s o f m a i n s t r e a m society, r e g a r d e d a s different a n d a b n o r m a l in the worst sense of the word. But if we d a r e to seek growth, we have to dare to think. It c a n take a lifetime for m a n y p e o p l e to c o m e to t e r m s with t h e f r e e d o m they truly have to t h i n k for themselves. B u t this p a t h t o f r e e d o m i s o b s t r u c t e d b y s o c i e t a l m y t h s , o n e o f which would have us believe that o n c e we have c o m p l e t e d adol e s c e n c e , w e c a n ' t c h a n g e m u c h . I n reality, w e a r e a b l e t o c h a n g e a n d g r o w t h r o u g h o u t o u r l i f e t i m e s — e v e n i n t h e s u b t l e s t ways. B u t it is a c h o i c e . O f t e n it is w h e n we m e e t t h e crises of m i d l i f e t h a t o u r t h i n k i n g t a k e s off i n n e w a n d i n d e p e n d e n t d i r e c t i o n s . A n d f o r s o m e , i n d e p e n d e n t t h i n k i n g evolves o n l y w h e n t h e y a r e a b o u t t o d i e . Sadly, o f c o u r s e , f o r m a n y i t n e v e r h a p p e n s .

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE IN-BETWEEN I t i s a t r u e s a y i n g t h a t y o u a r e w h a t y o u t h i n k . You a r e w h a t y o u t h i n k m o s t a b o u t . You a r e w h a t y o u d o n ' t t h i n k a b o u t . S o i n essence, the good, the bad, a n d everything in between that we t h i n k o r d o n ' t t h i n k a b o u t tells m u c h a b o u t w h o w e a r e . W h e n w e t h i n k simplistically a b o u t e v e r y t h i n g , w e s e t o u r s e l v e s u p t o always e x p e c t s i m p l e s o l u t i o n s , o b v i o u s a n s w e r s , a n d c l e a r r e sults e v e n i n c o m p l e x s i t u a t i o n s . W e n e e d t o c o m e t o t e r m s w i t h

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t h e reality t h a t m a n y s i t u a t i o n s — s u c h a s w h e t h e r t o m a r r y this person or that one, what career to choose, when to buy a h o u s e — i n v o l v e g a m b l e s . W e n e e d t o l e a r n t o live w i t h t h e "inbetweenness" of uncertainty. A t o l e r a n c e f o r u n c e r t a i n t y , as I p o i n t e d o u t in The Road Less Traveled, is c r u c i a l in t h e p r o c e s s of q u e s t i o n i n g o u r ass u m p t i o n s . A n d in A Bed by the Window, my d e t e c t i v e r u n s off h a l f - c o c k e d — a n d astray—with his stereotypical t h i n k i n g in a r u s h to j u d g m e n t in large p a r t b e c a u s e he is unwilling to wait t h r o u g h a p e r i o d of uncertainly. But since we can never be sure w e h a v e c o n s i d e r e d all a s p e c t s o f a s i t u a t i o n , t h e w i l l i n g n e s s t o t h i n k i n d e p t h o f t e n l e a d s t o i n d e c i s i v e n e s s . T h e r e ' s always a c h a n c e w e m a y leave s o m e t h i n g out, a n d w e m u s t b e willing t o b e a r t h e p a i n i n v o l v e d i n b e i n g u n c e r t a i n . I n t h e face o f this u n c e r t a i n t y , w e still h a v e t o b e a b l e t o a c t a n d m a k e d e c i s i o n s a t s o m e point. I n w e i g h i n g o u r t h o u g h t s a n d feelings, w h a t m a t t e r s m o s t is w h e t h e r we a r e willing to wrestle with t h e reali z a t i o n t h a t w e d o n ' t k n o w i t all. T h i s m e a n s n o t o n l y b e i n g int r o s p e c t i v e , b u t also e x p e r i e n c i n g d o u b t . D o u b t , I b e l i e v e , i s often the b e g i n n i n g of wisdom. In my practice as a psychotherapist, I discovered t h a t m a n y people hold tenaciously to the certainty of their c h i l d h o o d beliefs, a s i f t h e y c o u l d n ' t f u n c t i o n a s a d u l t s w i t h o u t this c e r t a i n t y as a security blanket. Only w h e n they hit the g a p i n g void would d o u b t a n d u n c e r t a i n t y e m e r g e , a n d i n c o n f r o n t i n g crisis, t h e s e b e c a m e a saving grace. F r e q u e n t l y , a b o u t o n e o r two y e a r s i n t o t h e r a p y , t h e y w o u l d b e c o m e far m o r e d e p r e s s e d t h a n t h e y w e r e w h e n t h e y f i r s t c a m e to m e . I called the p h e n o m e n o n therapeutic depression. A t t h i s j u n c t u r e , p a t i e n t s r e a l i z e d t h a t t h e i r o l d way o f t h i n k i n g was n o l o n g e r w o r k i n g f o r t h e m . T h e y h a d c o m e t o s e e s o m e o f t h e i r t h i n k i n g p a t t e r n s a s s t u p i d o r m a l a d a p t i v e . B u t n e w ways o f t h i n k i n g s e e m e d terrifyingly risky a n d i n h e r e n t l y difficult. T h e y c o u l d n ' t g o b a c k a n d c o u l d n ' t g o f o r w a r d , a n d i n this "inbetweenness" they b e c a m e depressed. At such times, they w o u l d ask, "Well, w h y g o a n y p l a c e ? W h y s h o u l d I e x e r t myself?

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W h y s h o u l d I r i s k c h a n g i n g m y beliefs? W h y s h o u l d n ' t I j u s t give u p a n d kill myself? W h y b o t h e r ? W h a t ' s t h e p o i n t o f i t all?" F o r t h e s e q u e s t i o n s , t h e r e a r e n e v e r easy a n s w e r s . T h e r e are no answers in the medical textbooks or books of psychiatry because these are fundamentally existential a n d spiritual quest i o n s . T h e y a r e q u e s t i o n s a b o u t m e a n i n g i n life. A n d a l t h o u g h i t was difficult t o g r a p p l e w i t h , I c a l l e d this p e r i o d o f d e p r e s s i o n t h e r a p e u t i c precisely because such spiritual g r a p p l i n g ultimately led to g r o w t h for t h e s e patients in l o n g - t e r m therapy. In t h e i n t r o d u c t i o n to The Road Less Traveled, I w r o t e t h a t I m a k e little d i s t i n c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e m i n d a n d t h e spirit, a n d therefore n o distinction b e t w e e n spiritual growth a n d m e n t a l g r o w t h . You c a n n o t s e p a r a t e t h i n k i n g — i n t e l l e c t — f r o m psyc h o l o g i c a l a n d s p i r i t u a l g r o w t h . W h e n I was i n t r a i n i n g , i t was f a s h i o n a b l e t o d e c r y i n t e l l e c t u a l i n s i g h t . T h e only t h i n g c o n s i d e r e d i m p o r t a n t was e m o t i o n a l i n s i g h t , a s i f i n t e l l e c t u a l u n d e r s t a n d i n g w e r e w o r t h l e s s . T h i s was s i m p l i s t i c t h i n k i n g . W h i l e I agree that ultimately t h e r e has to be e m o t i o n a l insight, most of t h e t i m e y o u c a n ' t e v e n b e g i n t o u n d e r s t a n d t h e e m o t i o n a l aspects of an individual case until you have a t t a i n e d intellectual insight. Let us take t h e O e d i p u s c o m p l e x . An adult with an u n r e solved O e d i p u s c o m p l e x c a n n o t b e h e a l e d unless h e f i r s t intellectually k n o w s w h a t a n O e d i p u s c o m p l e x is—if h e c a n b e h e a l e d a t all. T o b e c o m e h e a l t h y adults w e f i r s t m u s t resolve t h e O e d i p a l d i l e m m a of giving up o u r sexual feelings for o u r p a r e n t s . If t h e c h i l d is a boy, t h e f a t h e r is s e e n as t h e c o m p e t i t i o n f o r t h e m o t h e r ' s a t t e n t i o n . If it's a girl, t h e d e s i r e f o r t h e f a t h e r as a sexu a l o r love o b j e c t m e a n s c o m p e t i n g w i t h t h e m o t h e r . F o r t h e f i r s t t i m e i n t h e i r lives, basically, c h i l d r e n e x p e r i e n c e t h e t e n s i o n s o f loss. T h e y a r e f o r c e d t o give u p s o m e t h i n g i m p o r t a n t t o t h e m t h a t t h e y c a n n o t h a v e . I n m y e x p e r i e n c e , p e o p l e w h o fail t o r e s o l v e t h e O e d i p u s c o m p l e x a p p r o p r i a t e l y will t h e r e a f t e r h a v e t h e m o s t s e v e r e , e v e n o v e r w h e l m i n g , difficulty i n e v e r r e n o u n c i n g anything since they never m a d e that first renuncia-

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t i o n . S o it's c r u c i a l t h a t t h e y c o m e t o t e r m s w i t h n o t b e i n g a b l e t o p o s s e s s t h e p a r e n t i n t h e way t h a t t h e y h a v e f a n t a s i z e d . A w o m a n w h o m o v e d from Florida to Connecticut to see m e f o r t h e r a p y was a c a s e i n p o i n t . S h e was a n e a r l y fan o f The Road Less Traveled, a n d s h e h a d t h e m o n e y t o m a k e s u c h a m o v e . In hindsight, I should have discouraged h e r from packing up a n d m o v i n g s o far, b e c a u s e t h e r e a r e always l o c a l t h e r a p i s t s a v a i l a b l e . I t was o n e o f s e v e r a l m i s t a k e s I m a d e i n this c a s e , a n d h e r h e a l i n g was i n c o m p l e t e . G i v e n t h e difficulties I e n c o u n t e r e d with h e r i n therapy, t h e furthest w e g o t i n p e n e t r a t i n g t h e r e a l issue was t h e d a y w h e n s h e f i r s t h e a r d h e r s e l f c l e a r l y u t t e r h e r h i d d e n motives for c o m i n g t o m e for therapy. After leaving a s e s s i o n this p a r t i c u l a r day, s h e sat i n h e r car, s o b b i n g a n d s h a k i n g a t t h e s t e e r i n g w h e e l . "Well, m a y b e w h e n I g e t o v e r m y O e d i p u s c o m p l e x , " s h e said, " t h e n Dr. P e c k will m a r r y m e . " I h a d b e c o m e t h e f a t h e r f i g u r e i n h e r life, a r e p l a c e m e n t f o r t h e father s h e c o u l d n o t have. Later, s h e said to m e , "Maybe y o u ' r e right. Maybe I do have an O e d i p u s complex." But we wouldn't h a v e g o t t e n e v e n t h a t far h a d I n o t f i r s t i n t e l l e c t u a l l y e x p l a i n e d t o h e r w h a t a n O e d i p u s c o m p l e x was. A n o t h e r c a s e i n v o l v e d a m a n w h o was t r e a t e d , a g a i n u n successfully, f o r t h e difficulty h e h a d w i t h r e n u n c i a t i o n . W h e n h e c a m e t o s e e m e h e was t o r t u r e d . H i s c o m p l a i n t was t h a t h e h a d t h r e e g i r l f r i e n d s a n d was s l e e p i n g w i t h all o f t h e m . C o m p l i c a t i n g m a t t e r s , h e was s t a r t i n g t o b e a t t r a c t e d t o a f o u r t h o n e . "Dr. P e c k , " h e said, "you d o n ' t u n d e r s t a n d t h e a g o n y I ' m i n , j u s t h o w t e r r i b l e this is. D o y o u k n o w w h a t it's like t o try a n d show up at three different Thanksgiving dinners?" " T h a t d o e s m a k e y o u r life k i n d o f c o m p l i c a t e d , d o e s n ' t it?" I r e s p o n d e d . A t t h a t t i m e , I was n o l o n g e r s e e i n g p e o p l e f o r therapy, only for consultations. B u t since I d i d n ' t q u i t e k n o w w h a t t o m a k e o f t h i s m a n initially, I a s k e d h i m t o c o m e b a c k f o r a s e c o n d visit. I n b e t w e e n t h o s e s e s s i o n s , I b e g a n t o w o n d e r w h e t h e r t h e r e a s o n h e c o u l d n ' t give u p a n y o f h i s g i r l f r i e n d s — c o u l d n ' t c h o o s e o n e — w a s p e r h a p s that h e h a d n ' t resolved his O e d i p u s c o m p l e x . W h e n h e c a m e b a c k for t h e s e c o n d session, I a s k e d h i m t o tell m e a b o u t h i s m o t h e r .

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He described h e r as stunningly beautiful a n d went on a n d o n a n d o n a b o u t her. H e w o r k e d for a c o m p a n y i n p e r s o n n e l c o u n s e l i n g a n d c o n d u c t e d w o r k s h o p s r e l a t e d t o psychology. Despite t h e significant b a c k g r o u n d h e h a d i n psychology, h e was e m o t i o n a l l y u n a w a r e o f h i s o w n d i l e m m a . W h e n I said t o h i m , " H a r r y , b y t h e way, d o y o u k n o w w h a t a n O e d i p u s c o m p l e x is?" h i s r e p l y was "It's g o t s o m e t h i n g t o d o w i t h p e o p l e , d o e s n ' t it?" T h i s m a n s h o u l d h a v e k n o w n , a t l e a s t intellectually, w h a t a n O e d i p u s c o m p l e x is. A p p a r e n t l y , h e j u s t h a d n ' t h e a r d m u c h o f w h a t was s a i d a b o u t i t d u r i n g h i s t r a i n i n g . T h e o b v i o u s r e a s o n , of c o u r s e , is t h a t it t o u c h e d on his own neurosis. H a v i n g n o w m a d e the diagnosis, I referred h i m to a n o t h e r therapist, but I l a t e r h e a r d t h a t t h e i r sessions w e r e u n s u c c e s s f u l . H e was unwilling to change. It is h a r d to move on w h e n you can't r e n o u n c e anything. It's a s i m i l a r p r o b l e m i n d e a l i n g w i t h m a s o c h i s t s . T h e r o o t o f t h e i r n e u r o s i s i s t h e d e s i r e t o b e m i s e r a b l e . A n d t o g e t well, t h e y h a v e t o l e a r n ways t o b e h a p p y . B u t t h e i r b a s i c m o t i v e i s t o n o t b e h a p p y . T h i s i s a s e t u p for self-defeat i n t h e r a p y w i t h all those w h o cling h a r d to s o m e t h i n g they are simply unwilling or u n a b l e a t t h e t i m e t o give u p , e v e n t h o u g h i t i s m a k i n g t h e m u n h a p p y . It's as if t h e y h a v e a b u i l t - i n m o t i v e f o r f a i l u r e . To give u p s o m e t h i n g r e p r e s e n t s m a k i n g a c h a n g e . L i k e t h e m a n w h o was u n w i l l i n g t o give u p h i s p r o m i s c u i t y , s u c h i n d i v i d u a l s a r e u n w i l l i n g t o m a k e t h e c h a n g e s t h a t will h e a l t h e m . T h a t i s the sort of price m a n y pay for a t h i n k i n g disorder.

THINKING AND LISTENING Given o u r a l m o s t a d d i c t i v e r e l i a n c e o n a s s u m p t i o n s — a n d o n the illusions t h a t coexist with t h e m — w e often m i s c o m m u n i c a t e with o t h e r s , c r e a t i n g g r e a t c h a o s . T h e p o l a r i z a t i o n a l o n g r a c i a l lines i n t h e a f t e r m a t h o f t h e O . J . S i m p s o n v e r d i c t i s a n e x a m p l e . T h e f a i l u r e t o q u e s t i o n o u r o w n — w h i t e o r b l a c k — r a c i a l ass u m p t i o n s l e a d s t o f a i l u r e s i n really h e a r i n g w h a t i s b e i n g c o m m u n i c a t e d t o u s . W e r e m a i n o b l i v i o u s t o t h e basics o f g o o d

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c o m m u n i c a t i o n . It s h o u l d go w i t h o u t saying you c a n ' t truly c o m m u n i c a t e well i f y o u d o n ' t l i s t e n well, a n d y o u a r e u n a b l e t o l i s t e n well u n l e s s y o u a r e t h i n k i n g well. An industrial psychologist o n c e p o i n t e d o u t to me that the a m o u n t of time we devote to t e a c h i n g certain subjects to o u r c h i l d r e n i n s c h o o l i s inversely p r o p o r t i o n a l t o t h e f r e q u e n c y w i t h w h i c h t h e y will m a k e u s e o f t h e m w h e n t h e y g r o w u p . I d o n o t believe it would be a g o o d thing to m a k e what we teach in s c h o o l e x a c t l y p r o p o r t i o n a l t o w h a t will b e useful after s c h o o l , b u t I d o t h i n k w e w o u l d b e wise t o give o u r c h i l d r e n m o r e ins t r u c t i o n i n t h e p r o c e s s e s o f t h i n k i n g a n d l i s t e n i n g well. I n m o s t p u b l i c a n d p r i v a t e s c h o o l s , t h e r e i s virtually n o formal education on these crucial aspects of c o m m u n i c a t i n g . A successful t o p e x e c u t i v e will s p e n d a t least t h r e e - q u a r t e r s o f h e r t i m e t h i n k i n g a n d l i s t e n i n g . S h e will s p e n d a s m a l l f r a c t i o n s p e a k i n g a n d a n e v e n s m a l l e r f r a c t i o n w r i t i n g . Yet t h e a m o u n t o f f o r m a l e d u c a t i o n w e g e t i n d e v e l o p i n g t h e s e e s s e n t i a l skills i s inversely p r o p o r t i o n a l t o w h a t i s r e q u i r e d t o b e a n effective e x e c u t i v e . T h e skills a r e , i n fact, e s s e n t i a l s i n e v e r y a s p e c t o f o u r lives. M a n y p e o p l e t h i n k t h a t l i s t e n i n g i s a passive i n t e r a c t i o n . I t i s j u s t t h e o p p o s i t e . L i s t e n i n g well i s a n active e x e r c i s e o f o u r att e n t i o n a n d , b y necessity, i s h a r d w o r k . I t i s b e c a u s e t h e y d o n o t r e a l i z e this o r b e c a u s e t h e y a r e n o t willing t o d o t h e w o r k t h a t m o s t p e o p l e d o n o t l i s t e n well. W h e n w e e x t e n d o u r s e l v e s b y att e m p t i n g t o l i s t e n a n d c o m m u n i c a t e well, w e t a k e a n e x t r a s t e p o r walk a n e x t r a m i l e . W e d o s o i n o p p o s i t i o n t o t h e i n e r t i a o f l a z i n e s s o r t h e r e s i s t a n c e o f fear. I t always r e q u i r e s h a r d w o r k . L i s t e n i n g well also r e q u i r e s t o t a l c o n c e n t r a t i o n u p o n a n o t h e r a n d i s a m a n i f e s t a t i o n o f love i n t h e b r o a d e s t s e n s e o f t h e w o r d . A n e s s e n t i a l p a r t o f l i s t e n i n g well i s t h e d i s c i p l i n e o f bracketing, t h e t e m p o r a r y giving up or setting aside of y o u r own prejudices, frames of r e f e r e n c e , a n d desires in o r d e r to exp e r i e n c e a s far a s p o s s i b l e a n o t h e r ' s w o r l d f r o m t h e i n s i d e , s t e p p i n g inside his o r h e r shoes. T h i s unification o f s p e a k e r a n d listener is actually an e x t e n s i o n a n d e n l a r g e m e n t of ourselves, a n d n e w k n o w l e d g e i s always g a i n e d f r o m it. M o r e o v e r , s i n c e lis-

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t e n i n g well involves b r a c k e t i n g , it a l s o involves a t e m p o r a r y t o tal a c c e p t a n c e o f t h e o t h e r . S e n s i n g this a c c e p t a n c e , t h e s p e a k e r will feel less a n d less v u l n e r a b l e a n d m o r e a n d m o r e i n c l i n e d t o o p e n u p t h e i n n e r recesses o f his o r h e r m i n d t o t h e listener. A s this h a p p e n s , s p e a k e r a n d l i s t e n e r b e g i n t o u n d e r s t a n d e a c h o t h e r b e t t e r a n d b e t t e r . T r u e c o m m u n i c a t i o n i s u n d e r way a n d t h e d u e t d a n c e o f love h a s b e g u n . T h e e n e r g y r e q u i r e d f o r t h e discipline of b r a c k e t i n g a n d the focusing of total attention on a n o t h e r i s s o g r e a t t h a t i t c a n b e a c c o m p l i s h e d o n l y b y love, w h i c h I d e f i n e a s t h e will t o e x t e n d o n e s e l f f o r m u t u a l g r o w t h . M o s t o f t h e t i m e w e l a c k this e n e r g y . E v e n t h o u g h w e m a y feel i n o u r b u s i n e s s d e a l i n g s o r social r e l a t i o n s h i p s t h a t w e a r e l i s t e n i n g well, w h a t w e a r e u s u a l l y d o i n g i s l i s t e n i n g selectively. O f t e n , w e h a v e a p r e s e t a g e n d a i n m i n d a n d w o n d e r a s w e listen how we can achieve certain desired results to get the conversat i o n o v e r w i t h a s q u i c k l y a s p o s s i b l e o r r e d i r e c t e d i n ways m o r e satisfactory t o u s . M a n y o f u s a r e far m o r e i n t e r e s t e d i n t a l k i n g t h a n i n l i s t e n i n g , o r w e s i m p l y r e f u s e t o listen t o w h a t w e d o n ' t want to hear. W h i l e i t i s t r u e t h a t o n e ' s c a p a c i t y t o listen well m a y i m p r o v e g r a d u a l l y w i t h p r a c t i c e , i t n e v e r b e c o m e s a n effortless process. It wasn't until toward the e n d of my career as a therapist t h a t I w o u l d s o m e t i m e s a s k m y p a t i e n t s t o g o o v e r s o m e t h i n g t h e y h a d s a i d b e c a u s e m y m i n d h a d w a n d e r e d . T h e first few t i m e s I d i d this, I w o n d e r e d i f t h e y m i g h t q u e s t i o n w h e t h e r I h a d b e e n l i s t e n i n g a t all a n d w o u l d b e r e s e n t f u l . W h a t I f o u n d , t o t h e c o n t r a r y , was t h a t t h e y s e e m e d t o u n d e r s t a n d intuitively t h a t a vital e l e m e n t o f t h e c a p a c i t y t o listen well i s b e i n g alert for t h o s e lapses w h e n o n e is n o t truly listening. A n d my ack n o w l e d g m e n t that m y a t t e n t i o n h a d w a n d e r e d actually reass u r e d t h e m t h a t m o s t o f t h e t i m e I was l i s t e n i n g well. I h a v e f o u n d t h a t t h e k n o w l e d g e t h a t o n e i s b e i n g t r u l y list e n e d t o i s f r e q u e n t l y , i n a n d o f itself, r e m a r k a b l y t h e r a p e u t i c . I n a p p r o x i m a t e l y a q u a r t e r o f t h e p a t i e n t s I saw, w h e t h e r t h e y were adults o r c h i l d r e n , c o n s i d e r a b l e a n d even d r a m a t i c imp r o v e m e n t was s h o w n d u r i n g t h e f i r s t few m o n t h s o f p s y c h o therapy, before any of t h e roots of p r o b l e m s h a d b e e n u n c o v e r e d

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o r s i g n i f i c a n t i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s h a d b e e n m a d e . T h e r e a r e several r e a s o n s f o r this p h e n o m e n o n , b u t c h i e f a m o n g t h e m , I b e l i e v e , was t h e p a t i e n t ' s s e n s e t h a t h e o r s h e was b e i n g t r u l y l i s t e n e d t o , often for t h e first t i m e in y e a r s — a n d for s o m e , p e r h a p s for t h e f i r s t t i m e ever.

FREEDOM AND THINKING T h e r e is a sharp distinction between disordered a n d clear t h i n k i n g . Yet t h e r e i s a r u l e i n p s y c h i a t r y t h a t t h e r e ' s n o s u c h t h i n g as a b a d t h o u g h t or feeling. It is a useful rule in certain ways. In o t h e r ways, it is itself s i m p l i s t i c . We can m a k e ethical j u d g m e n t s only a b o u t actions. If someo n e thinks about hitting you and then proceeds to bash you over t h e h e a d with a l a m p , that is bad. To j u s t think a b o u t d o i n g so isn't. This is t h e distinction b e t w e e n private t h o u g h t a n d " p u b l i c " a c t i o n . T h e l a t t e r involves e x t e r n a l i z i n g o u r t h o u g h t s b y a c t i n g o n t h e m . I t i s virtually i m p o s s i b l e t o m a k e j u d g m e n t s a b o u t a person's thoughts w h e n they are n o t translated into behavior. So we arrive at a p a r a d o x r e g a r d i n g f r e e d o m a n d thinking. O n t h e o n e h a n d , w e a r e free t o t h i n k a n y t h i n g . T o b e h e a l e d , we have to be free to be ourselves. But that d o e s n ' t m e a n we are free t o b e o u r c r i m i n a l selves a n d i m p o s e o u r t h o u g h t s o n o t h ers or e n g a g e in destructive actions without consequences. T h u s , w i t h t h e f r e e d o m t o t h i n k a n d feel a n y t h i n g also c o m e s t h e responsibility to discipline o u r t h o u g h t s a n d feelings. S o m e , a s I myself h a d t o , n e e d t o give o u r s e l v e s p e r m i s s i o n t o l e a r n t o cry. O t h e r s w h o a r e easily h u r t m a y n e e d t o l e a r n n o t t o cry a s m u c h . W e h a v e t o b e free t o t h i n k a n d feel, b u t t h a t d o e s n ' t m e a n w e s h o u l d u t t e r every t h o u g h t a l o u d o r always w e a r o u r h e a r t s o n o u r sleeves. A g r e a t p e a c e activist, c o n s e r v a t i o n i s t , a n d civil r i g h t s l e a d e r , P e t e S e e g e r , u s e d t o s i n g a n antifascist G e r m a n s o n g , " D i e G e d a n k e n s i n d frei," w h i c h literally t r a n s l a t e s " T h o u g h t s A r e F r e e . " I n o r d e r t o t h i n k a n d feel, w e h a v e g o t t o feel f r e e .

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B u t a s w i t h e v e r y t h i n g e l s e , t h e r e a r e q u a l i f i e r s . F r e e d o m without discipline can get us in trouble. I n d e e d , the freedom to think anything presents a complex dilemma. T h e r e are freedoml i m i t i n g r u l e s f o r g o o d t h i n k i n g , a n d n o t all t h i n k i n g i s g o o d thinking. P o o r thinking often leads to p o o r behavior. Furtherm o r e , a s w e ' v e s e e n i n t h e e x a m p l e s o f o u r society's s i m p l i s t i c thinking, t h e r e is m u c h reason to be cautious given th e prep o n d e r a n c e of evidence that a lot of b a d a n d e x t r e m e t h i n k i n g h a s b e e n i n t e r p r e t e d a s g o o d s i m p l y b e c a u s e i t i s c o m m o n l y accepted as normal. I a m r e m i n d e d o f C a t S t e v e n s ' s lyrics t o h i s s o n g " C a n ' t K e e p I t I n , " w h i c h e n d s w i t h : "Say w h a t y o u m e a n , m e a n w h a t y o u ' r e t h i n k i n g , t h i n k a n y t h i n g . " I love t h e s o n g , y e t w h e n h e says, " T h i n k a n y t h i n g , " I g e t a little leery. A l l o w i n g p e o p l e t h e f r e e d o m t o t h i n k a n y t h i n g c a n b e a scary p r o p o s i t i o n . B u t w e m u s t , I b e l i e v e , give t h e m t h a t f r e e d o m . A t t h e s a m e t i m e , w e m u s t r e c o g n i z e t h a t i t d o e s n o t m e a n all p e o p l e a r e g o i n g t o t h i n k well. I n a c k n o w l e d g i n g o u r f r e e d o m t o t h i n k , w e n e e d always t o r e m a i n a w a r e t h a t w e c a n m a k e b o t h w r o n g a n d r i g h t choices. A n d with t h e f r e e d o m to think, we m u s t also l e a r n to tolerate the freedom of being uncertain. I c h a m p i o n a p r o p o s a l by a friend of m i n e w h o wants to u n d e r s c o r e t h e s e p o i n t s i n a s y m b o l i c way. H e b e l i e v e s w e s h o u l d erect a Statute of Responsibility on the West Coast to b r i n g b a l a n c e to t h e Statute of Liberty that stands on t h e East Coast. I n d e e d , we c a n n o t s e p a r a t e f r e e d o m from responsibility. W i t h t h e f r e e d o m t h a t we have to t h i n k for ourselves, ultimately we m u s t h o l d ourselves a c c o u n t a b l e for h o w a n d what we think a n d w h e t h e r w e a r e u s i n g o u r capacity for t h i n k i n g t o g e t t h e m o s t o u t o f life.

TIME AND EFFICIENCY A l o n g with t h e belief m o s t p e o p l e have that they naturally k n o w how to think is an underlying, correlating assumption that t h i n k i n g d o e s n ' t r e q u i r e m u c h effort o r t i m e . W h i l e w e a r e for-

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t u n a t e t o live i n a society t h a t allows u s t o u s e o u r t i m e efficiently in everyday living—as w h e n we c a n pick up dry c l e a n i n g a n d a m e a l a l o n g t h e s a m e r o u t e o n o u r way h o m e — w e h a v e c o m e t o e x p e c t r e s u l t s t o b e a s q u i c k a s s e r v i c e a t a fast-food r e s t a u r a n t . W e a r e e n c o u r a g e d t o u s e o u r t i m e efficiently, b u t w e s e l d o m t a k e t h e t i m e t o t h i n k efficiently. C o n f r o n t e d w i t h real-life p r o b l e m s , w e i m a g i n e t h e y c a n b e d e a l t w i t h a s q u i c k l y a n d easily a s a t h i r t y - m i n u t e t e l e v i s i o n s i t c o m w o u l d p o r t r a y them to be. A s a r e s u l t , m a n y p e o p l e s h o w little i n t e r e s t i n c o n t e m p l a t i o n . T h e effort i n v o l v e d i n t r u l y t h i n k i n g o f t e n t a k e s a b a c k seat, a n d t h e y e n d u p g o i n g i n circles r a t h e r t h a n d e a l i n g w i t h life's v a r i o u s d i l e m m a s efficiently. T h e y w o u l d n ' t t h i n k o f g o i n g on a long automobile trip without consulting a m a p a n d deciding which r o u t e to take. B u t in their psychosocial-spiritual j o u r n e y t h r o u g h life, t h e y r a r e l y s t o p t o t h i n k a b o u t w h y t h e y ' r e g o i n g w h e r e t h e y ' r e g o i n g , w h e r e they really w a n t t o g o , o r h o w b e s t t o p l o t o u t a n d facilitate t h e j o u r n e y . I n this s i m p l i s t i c a p p r o a c h , w e o f t e n o v e r l o o k v a r i o u s asp e c t s o f o u r lives t h a t a r e d e s p e r a t e f o r a t t e n t i o n u n t i l t h e y b e c o m e full-blown crises. O r w e dismiss n e w i d e a s t h a t c o u l d f u r t h e r o u r growth simply b e c a u s e they do n o t fit within the g e n e r a l framework o f o u r p r e c o n c e i v e d n o t i o n s a n d self-concepts. A n e n o r m o u s a m o u n t o f t i m e i s s p e n t s i m p l y r e a c t i n g . It's a s i f w e are robots p r o g r a m m e d to respond on cue to whatever dem a n d s t h e least time a n d a t t e n t i o n , a n d disregard a n y t h i n g t h a t requires p u t t i n g in extra time a n d energy to think. We skim over t h e surface thoughtlessly. But we m u s t acknowledge that t h i n k i n g well i s a t i m e - c o n s u m i n g p r o c e s s . W e c a n ' t e x p e c t ins t a n t r e s u l t s . W e h a v e t o slow d o w n a b i t a n d t a k e t h e t i m e t o c o n t e m p l a t e , m e d i t a t e , e v e n pray. I t i s t h e o n l y r o u t e t o a m o r e m e a n i n g f u l a n d efficient e x i s t e n c e . I've said b e f o r e t h a t I a m a b o r n c o n t e m p l a t i v e . T h i s m e a n s that setting aside time to t h i n k — a n d pray—is as natural t o m e a s b r u s h i n g m y t e e t h . M y r o u t i n e involves a t o t a l o f alm o s t two a n d a h a l f h o u r s a day, i n t h r e e s e p a r a t e forty-fivem i n u t e intervals. No m o r e t h a n a t e n t h of that time is s p e n t

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talking to G o d (which is w h a t m o s t p e o p l e would consider prayer) a n d a n o t h e r t e n t h listening for G o d (a definition of m e d i t a t i o n ) . For t h e rest of the time, I'm j u s t thinking, sorting o u t my priorities a n d weighing options before m a k i n g decis i o n s . I call it my p r a y e r t i m e b e c a u s e if I s i m p l y c a l l e d it my t h i n k i n g t i m e , p e o p l e w o u l d view i t a s less "holy" a n d feel free t o i n t e r r u p t m e . B u t I ' m n o t b e i n g d i s h o n e s t . I n m a n y ways, t h i n k i n g is akin to prayer. M y favorite d e f i n i t i o n o f p r a y e r — o n e t h a t d o e s n ' t e v e n m e n tion G o d — c o m e s from Matthew Fox, w h o described prayer as " a r a d i c a l r e s p o n s e t o t h e m y s t e r i e s o f life." T h u s , p r a y e r h a s everything to do with t h i n k i n g . Before we can r e s p o n d radically we first n e e d to t h i n k radically. To t h i n k well is a r a d i c a l activity. It's i m p o r t a n t t o clarify w h a t I m e a n b y t h e w o r d " r a d i c a l . " I t c o m e s f r o m t h e L a t i n radix, " r o o t . " T h u s , t o b e r a d i c a l i s t o get d o w n to the root of things, p e n e t r a t i n g their essence a n d n o t b e i n g distracted by superficialities. T h e closest s y n o n y m for "radical" is " f u n d a m e n t a l , " w h i c h m e a n s basic or essential. Fund a m e n t a l s a r e w h a t i s really i m p o r t a n t . C u r i o u s l y , t h e n o u n " r a d i c a l " is u s e d to d e s c r i b e a left-wing, b o m b - t h r o w i n g a n a r chist, w h i l e t h e n o u n " f u n d a m e n t a l i s t " i s u s e d t o d e s c r i b e a ring-wing extremist. I m e a n to imply n e i t h e r of those mind-sets in my use of these words. Rather, I m e a n that anyone w h o t h i n k s deeply a b o u t f u n d a m e n t a l s will, by d e f i n i t i o n , be a r a d i cal. A n d t h e a c t i o n s t h a t s t e m f r o m t h a t k i n d o f t h i n k i n g will also b e r a d i c a l i n t h e s e n s e t h a t t h e y will a d d r e s s a n d s e e k t o solve life's m o s t i m p o r t a n t p r o b l e m s . T h e s a m e h o l d s t r u e f o r prayer. P r a y e r i s u s e l e s s u n l e s s i t i s t r a n s l a t e d i n t o m e a n i n g f u l action. Radical t h i n k e r s are also i n d e p e n d e n t t h i n k e r s . But they k n o w t h a t t h e y c a n n o t s i m p l y rely o n t h e m s e l v e s . T o t h i n k ind e p e n d e n t l y d o e s n o t m e a n g o i n g t o a n e x t r e m e t h a t w o u l d exclude information a n d learning from others. T h e r e f o r e , while it is p r o p e r t h a t we t h i n k for ourselves, t h a t d o e s n o t imply t h a t w e a c t like r e b e l l i o u s c h i l d r e n , r e j e c t i n g all c o n v e n t i o n a l wisd o m a n d d i s m i s s i n g all s o c i e t a l n o r m s . T h a t w o u l d b e a n u n necessary e x p e n d i t u r e of e n e r g y a n d an inefficient waste of

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time. Rather, we can learn m u c h from g o o d leaders a n d teache r s — f o r m a l l y a n d i n f o r m a l l y . I t i s t h r o u g h t h o s e w h o t h i n k well t h a t w e c a n f i n d g o o d e x a m p l e s o f w h a t i t m e a n s t o b e efficient a n d live life fully. I consider o n e ( a m o n g many) of my identities to be that of an efficiency e x p e r t . B o t h as a p s y c h i a t r i s t a n d as a writer, I h a v e w o r k e d t o h e l p p e o p l e live t h e i r lives m o r e e f f i c i e n t l y — n o t n e c essarily t o b e h a p p y o r c o m f o r t a b l e all t h e t i m e , b u t r a t h e r t o l e a r n as m u c h as possible in any given situation a n d get t h e m o s t o u t o f life. W h e n I was still l e c t u r i n g , p e o p l e o f t e n a s k e d h o w I m a n aged to do so m u c h — l e c t u r i n g , writing, b e i n g a father a n d a h u s b a n d , a c o m m u n i t y activist a n d a n avid r e a d e r . M y r e s p o n s e was t h a t b e c a u s e I s p e n t a t l e a s t two h o u r s a d a y d o i n g n o t h i n g — t h a t is, t a k i n g t h e t i m e t o t h i n k , pray, a n d o r g a n i z e m y p r i o r i t i e s — I b e c a m e m o r e efficient. W h e n y o u a r e efficient, y o u c a n a c c o m p l i s h m o r e t h i n g s i n a s h o r t e r t i m e . I n t h i n k i n g efficiently, y o u l e a r n h o w t o give p r i o r i t y t o w h a t ' s i m p o r t a n t i n o r d e r t o face life's difficulties h e a d o n r a t h e r t h a n p r e t e n d t h e y a r e i n c o n s e q u e n t i a l . Efficiency n e c e s s a r i l y i n c l u d e s d i s c i p l i n e . B e i n g d i s c i p l i n e d involves a n ability to d e l a y g r a t i f i c a t i o n as well as a w i l l i n g n e s s to c o n s i d e r a l t e r n a t i v e s . O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , t h i n k i n g simplistically l e a d s you to m a k e undisciplined, knee-jerk responses rather than c o n s i d e r i n g c h o i c e s t h a t w o u l d l e a d t o wise a n d p r o d u c t i v e d e cisions. B e i n g efficient d o e s n o t m e a n w e s h o u l d b e c o m e c o n t r o l freaks. I t w o u l d b e l u d i c r o u s t o a t t e m p t t o p l a n o u t every m o m e n t o f every d a y o f o n e ' s life. Efficiency m e a n s n o t o n l y p l a n ning b u t preparing. W h e n emergency situations c o m e u p , as t h e y i n e v i t a b l y will, w e will b e f r e e t o r e s p o n d t o t h e m o s t i m portant needs at the time because we have d o n e o u r h o m e w o r k . Efficiency involves a t t e n t i v e n e s s t o t h o s e t h i n g s t h a t m u s t be dealt with before they b e c o m e such o v e r w h e l m i n g p r o b l e m s t h a t t h e y c a u s e far m o r e d a m a g e t h a n n e c e s s a r y . S i m p l i s m i s i n e f f i c i e n t a n d t h e lazy way o u t . N o p r o g r e s s i s

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p o s s i b l e w h e n i l l e g i t i m a t e s h o r t c u t s i n t h i n k i n g a r e t a k e n i n ord e r t o a v o i d t h e l e g i t i m a t e effort a n d s u f f e r i n g t h a t a c c o m p a n y the discipline of problem-solving. N o t only is simplism a m e a n s b y w h i c h t o h a r b o r t h e i l l u s i o n t h a t t h e r e a r e easy a n s w e r s , i t i s a s u r e p a t h to b e c o m i n g rigid a n d stuck. T h a t ' s why I disting u i s h b e t w e e n t h e s i m p l i s m t h a t involves s i m p l e m i n d e d a n swers, a n d t h e efficient simplicity o f o r d e r i n g o n e ' s p r i o r i t i e s before m a k i n g choices. T h e distinction is crucial if we are to t h i n k a n d a c t w i t h integrity.

PARADOX AND THINKING WITH INTEGRITY I believe that those w h o subscribe to t h e n o t i o n that t h e r e a r e easy a n s w e r s — a s i n g l e r e a s o n f o r e v e r y t h i n g — a c t u a l l y p r o m o t e s i m p l i s m a n d i n t e l l e c t u a l b i g o t r y . I h a v e f o u n d , i n m y w i d e travels, t h a t w h e r e v e r I g o s u c h b i g o t r y i s t h e n o r m r a t h e r t h a n t h e e x c e p t i o n . If we a s s u m e t h a t t h e r e is a r e a s o n for everything, n a t u r a l l y w e g o l o o k i n g f o r it—and dismiss all o t h e r possibilities t h a t p o t e n t i a l l y c o n f l i c t w i t h it—when w e s h o u l d b e looki n g f o r them. I a m a s t o n i s h e d b y t h e n u m b e r o f w e l l - e d u c a t e d p e o p l e w h o offer o r s e e k s i m p l e - m i n d e d e x p l a n a t i o n s f o r c o m plicated p h e n o m e n a r a n g i n g from riots, homosexuality, a n d a b o r t i o n to poverty, illness, evil, a n d war. I b e l i e v e it w o u l d o f t e n b e c o n s i d e r a b l y h e a l t h i e r f o r u s t o d a r e t o live w i t h o u t a r e a s o n for m a n y t h i n g s t h a n t o live w i t h r e a s o n s t h a t a r e s i m p l i s t i c . In In Search of Stones, I w r o t e of a c o n v e r s a t i o n I h a d w i t h a wealthy white stockbroker. W h i l e s p e a k i n g of t h e riots in Los Angeles following a jury's decision t h a t t h e police w h o b e a t R o d n e y K i n g w e r e n o t guilty o f a c r i m e , t h e s t o c k b r o k e r — a h i g h l y e d u c a t e d , i n t e l l i g e n t , a n d successful m a n — t o l d m e w i t h a s s u r a n c e t h a t t h e r e a s o n f o r t h e r i o t s was " t h e d e c l i n e i n f a m ily v a l u e s . " H e d e d u c e d t h i s f r o m h i s o b s e r v a t i o n t h a t virtually all t h e r i o t e r s w e r e y o u n g b l a c k m a l e s . "If t h e y ' d b e e n m a r r i e d a n d w o r k i n g t o s u p p o r t t h e i r families, t h e y w o u l d n ' t h a v e h a d time to riot," he e x p l a i n e d .

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I p r a c t i c a l l y e x p l o d e d . I t o l d h i m t h a t f o r two h u n d r e d y e a r s u n d e r slavery w e h a d n ' t allowed m o s t b l a c k s t o m a r r y o r h a v e l e g a l families. W e m a d e t h e i r family v a l u e s illegal. I g a v e h i m s e v e r a l c u l t u r a l a n d h i s t o r i c a l r e a s o n s why, o n t h e a v e r a g e , black w o m e n are better educated a n d m o r e employable t h a n b l a c k m e n . I r e m i n d e d h i m t h a t t h e e c o n o m i c r e c e s s i o n i n Cali f o r n i a a t t h e t i m e was w o r s e t h a n t h a t o f a n y o t h e r s t a t e . I s p o k e o f t h e d e c l i n e o f government v a l u e s i n t h e U n i t e d S t a t e s . I talked a b o u t the oppression of prejudice a n d the psychology of d e s p a i r . " T h e ' d e c l i n e ' o f family v a l u e s m a y h a v e b e e n o n e o f t h e reasons for t h e riots," I c o n c l u d e d , "but only o n e of many, of a w h o l e c o m p l e x of reasons." I was t e a c h i n g h i m a b o u t " o v e r d e t e r m i n a t i o n , " t h e c o n c e p t that everything i m p o r t a n t has multiple causes. Far from b e i n g simplistic, o v e r d e t e r m i n a t i o n d e m a n d s t h e i n t e g r a t i o n of multiple dimensions in o r d e r to see t h e whole picture. It is n e c e s s a r y f o r t h e u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f m a n y issues. T o t h i n k well m e a n s t o p e r c e i v e i n m u l t i d i m e n s i o n a l ways. I t i s t h e e s s e n c e o f t h i n k i n g with integrity. T h e w o r d "integrity" c o m e s f r o m t h e n o u n " i n t e g e r , " w h i c h signifies w h o l e n e s s , e n t i r e t y , c o m p l e t i o n . T o t h i n k a n d u l t i m a t e l y t o a c t w i t h integrity, w e h a v e t o i n t e grate the multiple reasons a n d dimensions of o u r incredibly c o m p l e x world. We psychiatrists have a v e r b for t h e o p p o s i t e of "integrate": "compartmentalize." To compartmentalize is to take things that a r e p r o p e r l y r e l a t e d a n d stick t h e m i n s e p a r a t e , a i r t i g h t c o m partments in o u r minds where they d o n ' t have to r u b up against e a c h o t h e r a n d c a u s e u s a n y stress o r p a i n , f r i c t i o n o r t e n s i o n . An e x a m p l e I c i t e d in The Different Drum a n d In Search of Stones would be that of the m a n w h o goes to c h u r c h on Sunday m o r n i n g , d e v o u t l y b e l i e v i n g t h a t h e loves G o d a n d G o d ' s c r e a t i o n , a n d t h e n o n M o n d a y has n o t r o u b l e with his c o m p a n y ' s policy o f d u m p i n g t o x i c wastes i n t h e l o c a l s t r e a m . T h i s is, o f c o u r s e , b e c a u s e h e h a s p u t his religion i n o n e c o m p a r t m e n t a n d his b u s i n e s s i n a n o t h e r . H e i s w h a t w e h a v e c o m e t o call a S u n d a y m o r n i n g C h r i s t i a n . I t i s a very c o m f o r t a b l e way t o o p e r a t e , b u t i n t e g r i t y it is n o t .

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T o t h i n k a n d a c t w i t h i n t e g r i t y r e q u i r e s t h a t w e fully e x p e rience t h e tensions of c o m p e t i n g t h o u g h t s a n d d e m a n d s . It req u i r e s t h a t w e ask t h e c r u c i a l q u e s t i o n : H a s a n y t h i n g b e e n left o u t ? I t r e q u i r e s u s t o l o o k b e y o n d o u r u s u a l l y s i m p l i s t i c illus i o n s a n d a s s u m p t i o n s t o try t o d i s c o v e r w h a t i s m i s s i n g . Early i n m y p s y c h i a t r i c t r a i n i n g , I was t a u g h t t h a t w h a t t h e p a t i e n t d o e s not say i s m o r e i m p o r t a n t t h a n w h a t h e o r s h e d o e s say. T h i s i s a n e x c e l l e n t g u i d e f o r g e t t i n g t o t h e r o o t o f w h a t i s m i s s i n g . F o r i n s t a n c e , d u r i n g t h e c o u r s e o f a few p s y c h o t h e r a p e u t i c sessions, h e a l t h y p a t i e n t s will t a l k o f t h e i r p r e s e n t , past, a n d future in a well-integrated fashion. S h o u l d a p a t i e n t speak only o f t h e p r e s e n t a n d future, n e v e r m e n t i o n i n g t h e past, y o u can be sure that t h e r e is at least o n e u n i n t e g r a t e d , unresolved, a n d i m p o r t a n t issue i n c h i l d h o o d t h a t m u s t b e b r o u g h t t o l i g h t f o r full h e a l i n g . I f t h e p a t i e n t o n l y s p e a k s o f h e r c h i l d h o o d a n d h e r f u t u r e , t h e t h e r a p i s t c a n tell t h a t s h e h a s s o m e m a j o r difficulty d e a l i n g w i t h t h e h e r e a n d n o w — o f t e n a difficulty c o n n e c t e d w i t h i n t i m a c y a n d risk. A n d s h o u l d t h e p a t i e n t n e v e r m a k e m e n t i o n o f h i s f u t u r e , o n e m i g h t p r o p e r l y b e l e d t o susp e c t t h a t h e h a s a p r o b l e m w i t h fantasy a n d h o p e . I f y o u w a n t t o t h i n k w i t h integrity, a n d a r e w i l l i n g t o b e a r t h e p a i n i n v o l v e d , y o u will i n e v i t a b l y e n c o u n t e r p a r a d o x . T h e G r e e k w o r d para m e a n s "by t h e s i d e of, b e s i d e , a l o n g s i d e , p a s t , b e y o n d . " Doxa m e a n s o p i n i o n . T h u s , a p a r a d o x i s " a s t a t e m e n t c o n t r a r y t o c o m m o n belief, o r o n e t h a t s e e m s c o n t r a d i c t o r y , u n b e l i e v a b l e , o r a b s u r d b u t m a y a c t u a l l y b e t r u e i n fact." I f a c o n c e p t i s p a r a d o x i c a l , t h a t i n itself s h o u l d s u g g e s t t h a t i t smacks of integrity a n d has t h e ring of t r u t h . Conversely, if a c o n c e p t i s n o t i n t h e least p a r a d o x i c a l , y o u m a y s u s p e c t t h a t i t has failed to i n t e g r a t e s o m e aspect of t h e w h o l e . T h e e t h i c o f r u g g e d i n d i v i d u a l i s m i s a n e x a m p l e . M a n y fall p r e y t o this i l l u s i o n b e c a u s e t h e y d o n o t o r will n o t t h i n k w i t h integrity. F o r t h e reality i s t h a t w e d o n o t exist e i t h e r b y o r f o r o u r s e l v e s . If I t h i n k w i t h i n t e g r i t y at all, I h a v e to r e c o g n i z e i m m e d i a t e l y t h a t m y life i s n u r t u r e d n o t o n l y b y t h e e a r t h a n d t h e r a i n a n d t h e s u n b u t also b y f a r m e r s , p u b l i s h e r s , a n d b o o k sellers, a s well a s b y m y c h i l d r e n , wife, f r i e n d s , a n d t e a c h e r s —

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i n d e e d , b y t h e e n t i r e f a b r i c o f family, society, a n d c r e a t i o n . I a m n o t solely a n i n d i v i d u a l . I a m i n t e r d e p e n d e n t , a n d m u c h o f t h e time I do n o t even have t h e right to act "ruggedly." I f n o p i e c e s o f reality a r e m i s s i n g f r o m t h e p i c t u r e , i f all t h e d i m e n s i o n s a r e i n t e g r a t e d , y o u will p r o b a b l y b e c o n f r o n t e d b y a p a r a d o x . W h e n y o u g e t t o t h e r o o t o f t h i n g s , virtually all t r u t h i s p a r a d o x i c a l . T h e t r u t h is, for e x a m p l e , t h a t I a m a n d I a m n o t a n i n d i v i d u a l . T h u s , t o s e e k t h e t r u t h involves a n i n t e g r a t i o n o f t h i n g s t h a t s e e m t o b e s e p a r a t e a n d l o o k like o p p o s i t e s w h e n , i n reality, t h e y a r e i n t e r t w i n e d a n d r e l a t e d i n s o m e ways. R e a l i t y itself i s p a r a d o x i c a l , i n t h a t w h i l e m a n y t h i n g s i n a n d a b o u t life seem simple on the surface, they are often c o m p l e x — a l t h o u g h n o t always c o m p l i c a t e d . T h e r e i s a d i f f e r e n c e , j u s t a s c l e a r a s t h e d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n s i m p l i s m a n d simplicity. T h e r e is, i n fact, a g r e a t s i m p l i c i t y to w h o l e n e s s . The Road Less Traveled is filled w i t h p a r a d o x e s . I w r o t e t h a t "life i s difficult b e c a u s e t h e p r o c e s s o f c o n f r o n t i n g a n d s o l v i n g p r o b l e m s is a p a i n f u l o n e . " B u t w h e n I say t h a t life is difficult, I ' m n o t s u g g e s t i n g t h a t i t i s n e v e r easy o r r e w a r d i n g . T o say t h a t life i s difficult w i t h o u t q u a l i f y i n g t h e s t a t e m e n t w o u l d b e t o s u b s c r i b e t o t h e i d e a t h a t "life i s difficult a n d t h e n w e d i e . " I t i s a s i m p l i s t i c a n d n i h i l i s t i c n o t i o n . I t d i s c o u n t s all b e a u t y , g o o d ness, o p p o r t u n i t i e s for spiritual growth, serenity, a n d o t h e r w o n d e r f u l a s p e c t s o f living. I n d e e d , o n e o f t h e m y s t e r i o u s a n d p a r a d o x i c a l r e a l i t i e s i s t h a t i n a d d i t i o n t o t h e p a i n t h a t life b r i n g s , living c a n b e a c c o m p a n i e d b y a n u n f a t h o m e d j o y o n c e we get past the pain. To u n d e r s t a n d p a r a d o x ultimately m e a n s b e i n g able to g r a s p two c o n t r a d i c t o r y c o n c e p t s i n o n e ' s m i n d w i t h o u t g o i n g crazy. As a psychiatrist, I do n o t u s e t h e w o r d "crazy" in a f l i p p a n t way. I t c a n a c t u a l l y m a k e p e o p l e feel crazy w h e n s o m e t h i n g t h e y have t a k e n for g r a n t e d a s t r u t h — a n d t h e only t r u t h — c o m e s i n t o q u e s t i o n . I t i s c e r t a i n l y a skill o f m e n t a l a c r o b a t i c s t o b e able to juggle opposing ideas in one's m i n d without automatically n e g a t i n g o r r e j e c t i n g t h e reality o f e i t h e r i d e a . B u t e v e n when the strongest impulse is to want to deny something that o n e f i n d s h a r d t o d i g e s t — s u c h a s t h e fact t h a t evil c o e x i s t s w i t h

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g o o d i n o u r w o r l d — t h e ability t o u n d e r s t a n d p a r a d o x i s n e c e s sary i n t h e p r o c e s s o f s o r t i n g t h r o u g h i l l u s i o n s , h a l f - t r u t h s , a n d o u t r i g h t lies. A l m o s t all o f u s h a v e t h e c a p a c i t y t o t h i n k p a r a d o x i c a l l y . T h e e x t e n t t o w h i c h w e n e g l e c t o r u s e this c a p a b i l i t y varies greatly. I t i s n o t s o m u c h d e t e r m i n e d b y o u r I Q s a s b y t h e d e p t h of practice we put into thinking. To b e c o m e keen in paradoxical r e a s o n i n g , y o u m u s t , a s t h e saying g o e s , u s e i t o r l o s e it. T h e m o r e w e use o u r capacity for t h i n k i n g paradoxically, t h e m o r e likely we will e x p a n d this ability. I t i s u n q u e s t i o n a b l e t h a t c e r t a i n c h a n g e s a r e n e e d e d i n society t o e n c o u r a g e b e t t e r t h i n k i n g . B u t a t t h e s a m e t i m e , e a c h individual is r e s p o n s i b l e for his or h e r own t h i n k i n g a n d h o w to m e e t this c h a l l e n g e . U l t i m a t e l y , i f w e c a n t e a c h p e o p l e t o t h i n k well, w e c o u l d h e a l m o s t o f t h e ills o f i n d i v i d u a l s a n d m o s t o f t h e ills o f society. I n t h e e n d , h o w e v e r , t h e b e n e f i t s o f t h i n k i n g well a r e w o r t h t h e e f f o r t — a n d far b e t t e r t h a n t h e a l t e r n a t i v e . T h i s is u l t i m a t e l y a h o p e f u l b u s i n e s s . L o n g a g o I h e a r d it said: " O n c e a m i n d i s t r u l y s t r e t c h e d , i t n e v e r r e t u r n s t o its f o r m e r dimensions."

C H A P T E R

2

Consciousness

THE POINT OF THINKING WELL IS to b e c o m e m o r e c o n s c i o u s , w h i c h , i n t u r n , i s a p r e r e q u i s i t e f o r s o l v i n g p r o b l e m s well. B u t what is consciousness? A n d why is it t h e point? C o n s c i o u s n e s s i s a m o n g t h e m a n y t h i n g s — s u c h a s love, prayer, b e a u t y , a n d c o m m u n i t y — t h a t a r e t o o l a r g e , c o m p l e x , a n d mysterious to s u b m i t to any single a d e q u a t e definition. In The Road Less Traveled, I c o n c l u d e d t h e s e c t i o n a b o u t love w i t h a subsection entitled " T h e Mystery of Love." T h e r e i n , h a v i n g g o n e o n f o r a h u n d r e d p a g e s a s i f I k n e w w h a t love was all a b o u t , I r a i s e d m a n y issues o f love I c o u l d n ' t e v e n b e g i n t o explain. In In Search of Stones, I w r o t e t h a t a r t is also h a r d to d e f i n e . O n e o f t h e c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s o f a r t i s its u n r e a s o n a b l e n e s s . O t h e r h u m a n creations have a n obvious r e a s o n . T h e y a r e necessary, useful, a n d s e r v e a c l e a r f u n c t i o n . F e w w o u l d p o n d e r t h e p u r p o s e o f a f o r k o r s p o o n , a k n i f e o r a n ax, a h o u s e o r a n office building. But as soon as you carve s o m e t h i n g into the h a n d l e of that fork or t h e b l a d e of t h a t knife or t h e m o l d i n g of t h a t building, you a r e e n g a g i n g in t h e practice of a d o r n m e n t a n d have e n t e r e d t h e n o t e n t i r e l y r e a s o n a b l e — o r easily d e f i n a b l e — r e a l m of art. W h e t h e r we use m a k e u p on ourselves, p a i n t on canvas, carve o n s t o n e s , w r i t e p o e t r y , o r m a k e m u s i c , w e a r e d o i n g something very—and u n i q u e l y — h u m a n . Therefore, art implies c o n s c i o u s n e s s : n o t o n l y o f self, a s t h e p r a c t i c e o f s e l f - a d o r n m e n t

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d e m o n s t r a t e s , b u t also consciousness of t h i n g s — a n d b e a u t y — external to ourselves. T h a t t h e r e is no single a d e q u a t e definition of consciousness is n o t surprising. For the most part, we can define only t h o s e t h i n g s t h a t a r e s m a l l e r t h a n w e a r e . I b e l i e v e t h a t all t h o s e t h i n g s t o o l a r g e for a s i n g l e , s i m p l i s t i c d e f i n i t i o n , i n c l u d i n g consciousness, ultimately have s o m e t h i n g to do with God. T h a t i s why, f o r e x a m p l e , t h e M u s l i m s h a v e a p r o h i b i t i o n a g a i n s t a n y image of God: it could not capture or define God, but would o n l y r e p r e s e n t a tiny s e g m e n t o f t h e w h o l e a n d h e n c e w o u l d b e , in a s e n s e , a d e s e c r a t i o n .

THE MYSTERY OF CONSCIOUSNESS D e s c a r t e s i s m o s t f a m o u s for h i s s t a t e m e n t " C o g i t o , e r g o s u m " — "I think, t h e r e f o r e I am." I w o u l d substitute t h e w o r d "cons c i o u s " a n d say, " I a m c o n s c i o u s [ o r a w a r e ] t h a t I a m t h i n k i n g ; therefore I am." D o e s this m e a n t h a t u n c o n s c i o u s ' t h i n g s d o n ' t exist? Hardly. Even if we assume that the trees outside my window do n o t have consciousness, I very m u c h enjoy t h e i r p r e s e n c e a n d am aware of their existence as entities separate from m e . T h e y d i s p l a y definitive s i g n s o f l i f e — w i t h o u t p r o v o c a t i o n f r o m h u mans. Constantly invigorated by the earth, rain, a n d sunlight, t h e i r leaves c h a n g e c o l o r s a s t h e y a d j u s t t o t h e s e a s o n s . I n d e e d , w e have n o k n o w l e d g e t h a t t h e trees o r t h e grass o r even t h e stones a r e n ' t conscious. T h e belief that they have no kind of self-awareness i s s i m p l y a n a s s u m p t i o n . T h e y m a y b e a w a r e i n s o m e d i f f e r e n t way t h a n w e a r e . W o u l d t h a t I c o u l d r e a d t h e m i n d o f a d e e r o r a f l o w e r o r a d o l p h i n a n d u n d e r s t a n d its c o n sciousness, b u t I can't. S o this n o t i o n o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s , o r self-awareness, i s n o t simple. Generally, we t e n d to t h i n k of consciousness as that which distinguishes h u m a n beings from other creatures. On t h e o n e h a n d , t h e whole world is a n i m a t e with consciousness— alive, a w a r e , g r o w i n g a n d c h a n g i n g . A t t h e s a m e t i m e , w e a r e all

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m i r e d i n u n c o n s c i o u s n e s s , a n d this c a n b e s e e n q u i t e o b v i o u s l y a m o n g h u m a n s — g i v e n t h e reality t h a t w h i l e s o m e p e o p l e t h i n k i n d e p t h , m a n y t h i n k very little a n d s o m e s i m p l y fail t o t h i n k a t all. In The Road Less Traveled, I w r o t e t h a t we h a v e b o t h a c o n scious m i n d a n d a n u n c o n s c i o u s m i n d . T h e c o n s c i o u s m i n d makes decisions a n d translates t h e m into action. T h e u n c o n scious m i n d r e s i d e s b e l o w t h e s u r f a c e ; i t i s t h e p o s s e s s o r o f ext r a o r d i n a r y k n o w l e d g e t h a t w e a r e n ' t n a t u r a l l y a w a r e of. I t k n o w s m o r e t h a n w e k n o w — t h e "we" b e i n g d e f i n e d a s o u r c o n scious self. H o w w e c o m e t o k n o w t h a t w h i c h i s h i d d e n a n d u n conscious, is mystery—and mysterious. But we do have s o m e hints a b o u t w h a t is involved in the d e v e l o p m e n t of consciousness.

REVISITING O U R FRONTAL LOBES In the preceding chapter, I wrote that o n e of the things that seems to distinguish h u m a n beings from the other creatures is o u r r e l a t i v e l a c k o f i n s t i n c t s . H a v i n g few i n s t i n c t s , w e a r e c o m p e l l e d t o l e a r n . S i n c e w e d o n ' t instinctively k n o w m a n y t h i n g s , we have to be t a u g h t h o w to b e h a v e a n d deal with p r o b l e m s in life. T h e m o s t primitive of o u r limited instincts are called reflexes. A n e x a m p l e o f a r e f l e x i s o u r r e s p o n s e t o s u d d e n p a i n . P u t y o u r h a n d o n a h o t stove b u r n e r a c c i d e n t a l l y , a n d y o u will i m m e d i a t e l y p u l l i t away, e v e n b e f o r e y o u h a v e felt t h e p a i n . This is b e c a u s e t h e r e a r e "reflex arcs" in o u r spinal c o r d . T h e i n c o m i n g p a i n m e s s a g e s will a r c o v e r t o n e r v e f i b e r s g o i n g t h e o t h e r way t h a t c o n t r o l m o v e m e n t w i t h o u t t h e b r a i n itself e v e n b e i n g i n v o l v e d . B u t i f t h e p a i n i s a t all s e v e r e , t h e b r a i n will v e r y q u i c k l y b e c o m e a w a r e — c o n s c i o u s — o f i t a n d w e will e x p e r i e n c e t h e a g o n y m e n t a l l y a s well a s physically. C o n s c i o u s n e s s h a s n o specific site i n t h e b r a i n . N o n e t h e less, i n s o f a r a s i t c a n b e r e g i o n a l i z e d , i t i s m o r e l o c a l i z e d i n o u r f r o n t a l l o b e s t h a n a n y p l a c e else. T u m o r s o f o u r f r o n t a l l o b e s

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will o f t e n first m a n i f e s t t h e m s e l v e s i n d i m i n i s h e d a w a r e n e s s a n d a l e r t n e s s , a n d h e n c e a d i m i n i s h e d c a p a c i t y t o solve c o m plex problems. For m a n y years, neuropsychiatrists p e r f o r m e d prefrontal lobotomies on certain schizophrenic patients who were in a g o n y as a r e s u l t of fixed d e l u s i o n s . T h e s u r g i c a l p r o c e d u r e is a s i m p l e o n e t h a t severs t h e c o n n e c t i o n s b e t w e e n t h e p r e f r o n t a l lobes (the m o s t highly evolved p a r t of o u r brain) a n d t h e rest of t h e brain. In o t h e r words, with this o p e r a t i o n , s u r g e o n s rend e r e d dysfunctional the most developed or h u m a n part of the b r a i n . T h e y d i d n o t d o this o u t o f cruelty. I n d e e d , i n m y c a r e e r I h a v e s e e n several p a t i e n t s w i t h p r e f r o n t a l l o b o t o m i e s w h o r e p o r t e d t o m e t h a t t h e o p e r a t i o n was t h e b e s t t h i n g t h a t e v e r h a p p e n e d i n t h e i r lives b e c a u s e i t h a d r e l i e v e d t h e m o f y e a r s o f e x c r u c i a t i n g misery. B u t t h e p r i c e t h e y p a i d was a loss o f p a r t o f t h e i r h u m a n i t y ; t h e s e p a t i e n t s d e m o n s t r a t e d a loss o f f i n e j u d g m e n t . T h e o p e r a t i o n h a d t a k e n away t h e i r a g o n y b u t i t left t h e m w i t h a d i s t i n c t l y l i m i t e d self-awareness a n d r e s t r i c t e d t h e i r range of emotional responses.

LESSONS FROM GENESIS 3 T h e s c i e n c e s o f a n t h r o p o l o g y a n d n e u r o a n a t o m y s t r o n g l y sugg e s t t h a t t h e d i r e c t i o n o f all e v o l u t i o n i s t o w a r d t h e d e v e l o p m e n t of the frontal lobes a n d h e n c e the d e v e l o p m e n t of c o n s c i o u s n e s s . B u t t h e B i b l e a n d m y t h o l o g y also h a v e m u c h t o teach about the evolution of h u m a n consciousness. T h e great myth of Genesis 3, o n e of the most complicated a n d multidimensional myths a b o u t o u r humanity, provides us with a n o t h e r m a j o r h i n t . I n it, G o d f o r b i d s A d a m a n d Eve t o e a t o f t h e fruit o f t h e T r e e o f t h e K n o w l e d g e o f G o o d a n d Evil. I n s t e a d — u r g e d b y a fallen a n g e l , w e a r e t o l d — t h e y give i n t o t e m p t a t i o n . I n t h e i r d i s o b e d i e n c e , t h e y h i d e f r o m G o d . W h e n G o d asks w h y they are hiding, they explain it is because they are naked. "Who t o l d y o u y o u w e r e n a k e d ? " G o d asks. A n d t h e s e c r e t i s o u t .

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In o t h e r words, the first result of eating of the Tree of the K n o w l e d g e o f G o o d a n d Evil i s t h a t A d a m a n d Eve b e c o m e shy o r m o d e s t b e c a u s e t h e y a r e n o w self-conscious. T h e y a r e a w a r e t h a t t h e y a r e n a k e d . F r o m this w e c a n a l s o e x t r a p o l a t e t h a t t h e e m o t i o n s of guilt a n d s h a m e are manifestations of consciousness, a n d a l t h o u g h b o t h e m o t i o n s can b e e x a g g e r a t e d t o t h e p o i n t o f p a t h o l o g y , w i t h i n limits t h e y a r e a n e s s e n t i a l p a r t o f o u r h u m a n i t y a n d necessary for o u r psychological d e v e l o p m e n t a n d f u n c t i o n i n g . So G e n e s i s 3 is a m y t h of e v o l u t i o n , a n d specifically o f h u m a n e v o l u t i o n i n t o c o n s c i o u s n e s s . L i k e o t h e r m y t h s , it is an e m b o d i m e n t of truth. A n d a m o n g the many truthful t h i n g s t h e m y t h o f t h e G a r d e n o f E d e n tells u s i s t h a t i t i s h u m a n t o b e shy. I have h a d the opportunity to m e e t a great n u m b e r of wonderful, deep-thinking people, a n d I have never m e t such a pers o n w h o was n o t basically shy. A few o f t h e m h a d n o t t h o u g h t o f t h e m s e l v e s a s shy, b u t a s w e t a l k e d a b o u t it, t h e y c a m e t o r e a l i z e t h a t t h e y w e r e . A n d t h e v e r y few p e o p l e I h a v e m e t w h o w e r e n o t t h e l e a s t b i t shy w e r e p e o p l e w h o h a d b e e n s e r i o u s l y d a m a g e d i n s o m e way, w h o h a d lost s o m e o f t h e i r h u m a n i t y . W h e n w e h u m a n s b e c a m e self-conscious, w e b e c a m e c o n s c i o u s o f o u r s e l v e s a s s e p a r a t e e n t i t i e s . W e lost t h a t s e n s e o f o n e n e s s w i t h n a t u r e a n d t h e r e s t o f c r e a t i o n . T h i s loss i s symb o l i z e d b y p u r b a n i s h m e n t f r o m P a r a d i s e . A n d inevitably, a s A d a m a n d E v e d e v e l o p e d a h i g h e r level o f self-awareness, t h e y a r r i v e d a t t h e r e a l i z a t i o n t h a t c o n s e q u e n c e s follow a c t i o n s , a n d that their choices would be forever b u r d e n s o m e by virtue of the r e s p o n s i b i l i t y c h o i c e e n t a i l e d . All o f h u m a n i t y h a s i n h e r i t e d this p r e d i c a m e n t . W e h a v e all b e e n t h r u s t o u t i n t o t h e d e s e r t o f maturity. T h u s , o u r e v o l u t i o n i n t o c o n s c i o u s n e s s h a s a far m o r e p r o f o u n d implication t h a n j u s t guilt a n d s h a m e . It is w h e n we are c o n s c i o u s t h a t w e h a v e free will. M o r e t h a n a n y t h i n g e l s e , I b e lieve w h a t i s m e a n t b y G o d ' s c r e a t i n g u s i n H i s o w n i m a g e i s t h a t , t h r o u g h t h e e v o l u t i o n a r y p r o c e s s , H e gave u s free will. T h e r e i s n o free will w h e n w e a r e o p e r a t i n g a t a p u r e l y reflexive o r in-

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s t i n c t u a l level. B u t l e t m e e m p h a s i z e t h e w o r d "free." O n e c a n also n o t b e free w h e n a g u n i s p o i n t e d a t o n e ' s b a c k . G o d o r e v o l u t i o n gave u s t h e f r e e d o m t o c h o o s e w h a t w e t h i n k o r d o . Genesis 3 elucidates o u r n e e d to c o n t i n u e evolving i n t o g r e a t e r c o n s c i o u s n e s s . G i v e n t h a t h u m a n e v o l u t i o n i s a forward-moving p h e n o m e n o n a n d that we are creatures with consciousness, we can never go back again to the i n n o c e n c e of n o t k n o w i n g o t h e r w i s e , h o w e v e r h a r d w e m a y try t o d o so. T h e g a t e of E d e n is forever b a r r e d to us by c h e r u b i m s with a flaming s w o r d . S o , i n m a n y ways, w e a r e b o t h b l e s s e d a n d c u r s e d b y c o n s c i o u s n e s s . W i t h i t c o m e s t h e a w a r e n e s s o f t h e reality o f g o o d a n d evil.

GOOD AND EVIL T h e f i r s t t h r e e c h a p t e r s o f G e n e s i s tell u s m u c h a b o u t t h e g e n esis o f g o o d a n d evil. A t t h e v e r y b e g i n n i n g t h e y s u g g e s t t h a t t h e i m p u l s e t o d o g o o d h a s s o m e t h i n g t o d o w i t h w h a t creativity i s all a b o u t . G o d f i r s t c r e a t e d t h e f i r m a m e n t a n d saw t h a t i t was good; t h e n He created the land a n d the waters, the plants a n d a n i m a l s a n d h u m a n s — a n d saw t h a t they, t o o , w e r e g o o d c r e a t i o n s . I n c o n t r a s t , t h e i m p u l s e t o d o evil i s d e s t r u c t i v e r a t h e r t h a n c r e a t i v e . T h e c h o i c e b e t w e e n g o o d a n d evil, creativity a n d destruction, is o u r own. A n d ultimately, we m u s t take t h a t res p o n s i b i l i t y a n d a c c e p t its c o n s e q u e n c e s . A s s o o n a s G o d ( o r e v o l u t i o n ) gave u s f r e e will, H e i m m e d i a t e l y let l o o s e t h e p o t e n t i a l f o r h u m a n evil i n t h e w o r l d . I f t h e r e i s n o c h o i c e , t h e r e i s n o evil. I f o n e i s t o h a v e f r e e will, then o n e must have the power to choose between g o o d a n d evil. A n d o n e i s a s free t o c h o o s e t h e evil a s t h e g o o d . So it strikes me as no a c c i d e n t t h a t t h e very n e x t t h i n g t h a t h a p p e n s i n t h e s t o r y i s a n e x a m p l e o f evil: i n G e n e s i s 4 , C a i n m u r d e r s A b e l . I s i t n o t h i n g m o r e t h a n a m a t t e r o f f r e e will t h a t h e c h o o s e s t o d o so? W h e n G o d asks C a i n w h e r e A b e l is, h e replies with a q u e s t i o n : "Am I my b r o t h e r ' s k e e p e r ? " We can r e c o g n i z e this as a g r o s s r a t i o n a l i z a t i o n ; a n d , as a r a t i o n a l i z a -

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t i o n , it r e p r e s e n t s t h i n k i n g of a s o r t — d e f e n s i v e t h i n k i n g . It is e x t r e m e l y shallow, a l m o s t reflexive t h i n k i n g . T h i s gives us a hint that Cain m u r d e r e d Abel because he chose n o t to think m o r e d e e p l y . W i t h f r e e will w e h a v e t h e c h o i c e t o t h i n k o r t o n o t t h i n k , o r t o t h i n k d e e p l y o r shallowly. But why would s o m e o n e c h o o s e n o t to think deeply? W h y w o u l d s o m e o n e c h o o s e t o t h i n k o n l y simplistically, superficially, a n d reflexively? T h e answer, a g a i n , i s t h a t , d e s p i t e o u r c o n s c i o u s ness, w h a t w e h a v e i n c o m m o n w i t h t h e o t h e r c r e a t u r e s i s a p r e f e r e n c e for avoiding p a i n . T h i n k i n g d e e p l y is often m o r e p a i n f u l t h a n t h i n k i n g shallowly. W h e n w e t h i n k w i t h i n t e g r i t y w e m u s t b e a r t h e t e n s i o n o f all m a n n e r o f c a u s e s a n d factors pulling against each o t h e r in o u r minds. Just as integrity is never p a i n l e s s , so c o n s c i o u s n e s s is inevitably a s s o c i a t e d w i t h p a i n . B e f o r e g o i n g m o r e d e e p l y i n t o t h e m a t t e r o f evil, l e t m e r e i t e r a t e t h a t w e a r e n o t h e r e s i m p l y t o e x p e r i e n c e p a i n - f r e e livi n g — t o b e c o m f o r t a b l e , h a p p y , o r fulfilled all t h e t i m e . T h e reality i s t h a t p a i n f u l f e e l i n g s a c c o m p a n y p r o b l e m solving, a n d t h e p r o c e s s o f b e c o m i n g i n c r e a s i n g l y c o n s c i o u s is, like life i n g e n e r a l , difficult. B u t i t h a s m a n y b e n e f i t s , t h e g r e a t e s t o f w h i c h i s t h a t w e will b e c o m e m o r e effective i n life. W e will b e a w a r e o f a b r o a d e r array of choices in r e s p o n d i n g to different situations a n d t h e daily d i l e m m a s o f life. W e will b e m o r e a w a r e o f t h e g a m e s p e o p l e play, t h u s less w i l l i n g t o b e m a n i p u l a t e d b y o t h e r s into d o i n g things we d e e m to be against o u r best interests. We will b e i n a b e t t e r p o s i t i o n t o d e t e r m i n e f o r o u r s e l v e s w h a t t o t h i n k a n d b e l i e v e , r a t h e r t h a n s i m p l y fall p r e y t o t h e d i c t a t e s o f m a s s m e d i a o r family a n d p e e r i n f l u e n c e s . U n f o r t u n a t e l y , p a i n i s a n i n e v i t a b l e s i d e effect o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s . W e will a l s o b e c o m e m o r e a w a r e o f t h e n e e d s , b u r d e n s , a n d s o r r o w s o f o u r s e l v e s a n d o t h e r s . W e will b e c o m e m o r e aware of t h e realities of o u r mortality a n d t h e a g i n g p r o c e s s w o r k i n g i n e v e r y cell o f o u r b o d i e s . W e will b e c o m e c o n s c i o u s o f o u r o w n sins a n d i m p e r f e c t i o n s a n d , inevitably, m o r e a w a r e o f t h e sins a n d evils o f society. T h e c h o i c e o f w h e t h e r o r n o t t o t h i n k d e e p l y is, t h e r e f o r e , the choice of w h e t h e r or n o t to accept that pain is associated

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with consciousness. This choice is so crucial that t h e first c h a p t e r of The Road Less Traveled f o c u s e s on h o w p r o b l e m s c a u s e us p a i n a n d h o w , b e c a u s e w e a r e p a i n - a v o i d i n g c r e a t u r e s , w e try t o r u n away f r o m o u r p r o b l e m s r a t h e r t h a n face t h e m a n d d e a l w i t h t h e p a i n . Similarly, t h e first c h a p t e r of Further Along the Road Less Traveled is e n t i t l e d " C o n s c i o u s n e s s a n d t h e P r o b l e m of Pain." T h e p a i n involved may n o t m a k e consciousness seem worthwhile or good—until you consider some of the prices we p a y f o r failing t o g r o w i n c o n s c i o u s n e s s o r t o t h i n k w i t h integrity. T h e r e i s m u c h evil i n t h e w o r l d — u n n e c e s s a r y i n d i v i d ual suffering, t r e m e n d o u s d a m a g e t o h u m a n relations, a n d social c h a o s — d u e t o o u r f a i l u r e t o t h i n k a n d g r o w i n c o n sciousness.

EVIL, SIN, AND OTHER DISTINCTIONS W h i l e i m p o r t a n t d i s t i n c t i o n s a r e t o b e m a d e b e t w e e n evil a n d insanity, illness a n d sin, I w r o t e in People of the Lie t h a t to n a m e s o m e t h i n g c o r r e c t l y gives u s a c e r t a i n a m o u n t o f p o w e r o v e r it. I b e l i e v e t h a t evil c a n be d e f i n e d as a specific f o r m of m e n t a l illn e s s a n d s h o u l d b e s u b j e c t t o a t l e a s t t h e s a m e i n t e n s i t y o f scientific i n v e s t i g a t i o n t h a t w e w o u l d d e v o t e t o s o m e o t h e r m a j o r p s y c h i a t r i c d i s e a s e . Yet evil is still evil. A u s c h w i t z a n d My L a i a n d J o n e s t o w n a n d t h e O k l a h o m a City b o m b i n g a r e facts. Evil i s n o t a figment of the imagination of s o m e primitive religious m i n d attempting to explain the unknown. A n d it is m o r e than just a "sickness." G i v e n t h e s t a t e o f w o r l d affairs, it's i m p o s s i b l e t o o v e r l o o k t h e reality o f evil i f y o u a r e t h i n k i n g w i t h integrity. B u t t h e r e i s w i d e s p r e a d d e n i a l i n o u r c o u n t r y . M a n y d o w n p l a y evil o r h e s i t a t e t o see i t f o r w h a t i t t r u l y is, i n p a r t b e c a u s e t h e y d o n ' t w a n t to appear to be acting arrogant or holier-than-thou. Indeed, it is quite c o m m o n to r e a d n e w s p a p e r articles that describe those w h o c o m m i t a r a n g e o f h u m a n a t r o c i t i e s a s s i m p l y "sick." A s a psychiatrist, I b e l i e v e t h e w o r d "sick" i s m o r e a p p r o p r i a t e l y a p -

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p l i e d t o t h o s e w h o a r e afflicted w i t h s o m e t h i n g f o r w h i c h t r e a t m e n t o r a c u r e i s p o s s i b l e — a n d also desired. A l t h o u g h t h e evil a r e o p e r a t i n g f r o m a "sick" p e r s p e c t i v e , t h e d i f f e r e n c e i s t h a t m a n y o f t h o s e w h o a r e "sick" d e a l w i t h t h e i r v e n o m i n t e r n a l l y , t u r n i n g it painfully u p o n themselves if they c h o o s e n o t to seek h e l p . T h o s e w h o a r e evil g o a n o t h e r way. T h e y fail t o suffer. B e cause they lash o u t at o t h e r s a n d use t h e m as scapegoats, it is t h e p e o p l e a r o u n d t h e m w h o m u s t suffer. T h i n k o f t h e ill effects c a u s e d b y t h o s e w h o a r e a d d i c t e d t o a h i g h o p i n i o n o f t h e m s e l v e s , t o c o m p l a c e n c y a n d s e l f - r i g h t e o u s n e s s o r far w o r s e . B e c a u s e it is so d e s t r u c t i v e , evil is t h e u l t i m a t e illness. B u t a thinking disorder does n o t absolve s o m e o n e of responsibility for h i s a c t i o n s . W e h a v e t h e c h o i c e t o t h i n k o r n o t t o t h i n k , a n d w h i l e evil s h o u l d b e c o n s i d e r e d a p s y c h i a t r i c d i a g n o s i s , t h a t doesn't m e a n p e o p l e shouldn't go to jail w h e n they have comm i t t e d a c r i m e . I ' m i n full a g r e e m e n t w i t h t h e law, w h i c h m o s t infrequently a b s o l v e s p e o p l e o f a c r i m e o n t h e g r o u n d s o f i n s a n ity. T h e reality i s t h a t w h e n e v e r w e h a v e a c h o i c e , w e s h o u l d b e held accountable. In People of the Lie, I b o l d l y a s s e r t e d t h a t c e r t a i n p e o p l e a r e evil. W h o a r e they? I t i s i m p o r t a n t t h a t w e m a k e d i s t i n c t i o n s b e t w e e n evil p e o p l e a n d o r d i n a r y c r i m i n a l s a n d b e t w e e n evil p e o ple a n d o r d i n a r y sinners. D u r i n g my c a r e e r as a psychiatrist, I spent s o m e time w o r k i n g in prisons with convicted criminals. W h i l e m a n y t h i n k t h a t t h e p r o b l e m o f evil i s c o n f i n e d t o t h o s e w h o a r e l o c k e d u p , s e l d o m have I e x p e r i e n c e d i n m a t e s as truly evil p e o p l e . O b v i o u s l y t h e y a r e d e s t r u c t i v e , a n d u s u a l l y r e p e a t edly so. B u t t h e r e is a k i n d of r a n d o m n e s s to their destructiveness. Moreover, a l t h o u g h they generally d e n y responsibility for t h e i r evil d e e d s , t h e r e is still a q u a l i t y of o p e n n e s s to t h e i r w i c k e d n e s s . T h e y t h e m s e l v e s a r e q u i c k t o p o i n t this o u t , c l a i m ing they have b e e n c a u g h t precisely b e c a u s e they are the "honest c r i m i n a l s . " T h e t r u l y evil, t h e y will tell y o u , always r e s i d e o u t s i d e o f j a i l . Clearly, s u c h p r o c l a m a t i o n s a r e self-justifying. T h e y a r e also, I b e l i e v e , g e n e r a l l y a c c u r a t e . I n d e e d , m o s t p e o p l e w h o c o m m i t evil a r e u s u a l l y s e e n a s o r d i n a r y c i t i z e n s . T h e y live d o w n t h e s t r e e t — o n a n y s t r e e t .

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They may be rich or poor, educated or uneducated. Most are n o t d e s i g n a t e d " c r i m i n a l s . " M o r e o f t e n t h a n n o t , t h e y a r e "solid c i t i z e n s " w h o f i t i n well w i t h society, w h o d o a n d say m o s t o f t h e r i g h t t h i n g s o n t h e s u r f a c e . T h e y m a y b e active l e a d e r s i n t h e c o m m u n i t y , S u n d a y s c h o o l t e a c h e r s , p o l i c e m e n o r b a n k e r s , students or parents. T h e c a s e of B o b b y a n d h i s p a r e n t s , d e s c r i b e d in People of the Lie, is a c o m p e l l i n g e x a m p l e of t h e k i n d of m a j o r evil t h a t c a n b e c o m m i t t e d b y so-called n o r m a l p e o p l e i n e v e r y d a y life. A f t e r his o l d e r b r o t h e r , Stuart, c o m m i t t e d suicide by s h o o t i n g himself i n t h e h e a d w i t h a .22 rifle, f i f t e e n - y e a r - o l d B o b b y r e c a l l e d all m a n n e r o f little i n c i d e n t s a n d b e g a n t o feel guilty f o r h a v i n g called his b r o t h e r n a m e s or h a v i n g hit or kicked h i m d u r i n g a f i g h t . T o s o m e d e g r e e , h e felt r e s p o n s i b l e f o r S t u a r t ' s d e a t h . C o n s e q u e n t l y , h e b e g a n j u d g i n g himself a s evil. T h a t was n o t surp r i s i n g . I f s o m e o n e c l o s e t o u s c o m m i t s s u i c i d e , o u r first r e s p o n s e after t h e initial s h o c k — i f w e a r e n o r m a l l y h u m a n , w i t h a n o r m a l h u m a n conscience—will be to w o n d e r what we did wrong. H a d B o b b y lived i n a h e a l t h y family e n v i r o n m e n t , h i s stable, blue-collar p a r e n t s w o u l d have talked to h i m a b o u t his brother's death a n d attempted to reassure him that Stuart must h a v e b e e n s u f f e r i n g f r o m a m e n t a l illness a n d t h a t i t was n o t B o b b y ' s fault. B u t h i s p a r e n t s d i d n o t d o s o . A n d w i t h o u t t h i s r e a s s u r a n c e , B o b b y b e c a m e visibly d e p r e s s e d . H i s g r a d e s p l u m m e t e d a n d t h e school advised his p a r e n t s to take h i m to a t h e r a p i s t . T h e y d i d n o t d o this e i t h e r . W h a t they did do at Christmas, although he h a d n o t asked for it, was to give B o b b y a .22 rifle—the r i f l e — a s h i s " b i g p r e s e n t . " T h e m e s s a g e t h i s s e n t was c h i l l i n g . G i v e n B o b b y ' s o b v i o u s d e p r e s s i o n a n d l a c k o f sufficient m a t u r i t y t o u n d e r s t a n d h i s p a r e n t s ' m o t i v e s i n g i v i n g h i m this "gift," t h e m e s s a g e h e r e c e i v e d was i n e s s e n c e : " T a k e y o u r b r o t h e r ' s s u i c i d e w e a p o n a n d d o likewise. You d e s e r v e t o d i e . " W h e n c o n f r o n t e d w i t h t h e h o r rific n a t u r e o f this g e s t u r e , h i s p a r e n t s r e s p o n d e d i n a way typical o f t h e d e n i a l a n d s e l f - d e c e p t i o n i n h e r e n t i n evil. "It was b e t t e r t h a n a n y o t h e r p r e s e n t w e c o u l d afford," h i s p a r e n t s t o l d

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m e . " W e ' r e j u s t working p e o p l e . W e ' r e n o t s o p h i s t i c a t e d , s m a r t , a n d e d u c a t e d p e o p l e like y o u . W e c a n ' t b e e x p e c t e d t o t h i n k a b o u t these kind of things." O f c o u r s e , a n evil d e e d d o e s n o t a n evil p e r s o n m a k e . O t h e r w i s e , w e w o u l d all b e d e s i g n a t e d evil, b e c a u s e w e all d o evil t h i n g s . B u t I b e l i e v e i t w o u l d b e a m i s t a k e t o t h i n k o f sin o r evil as simply a m a t t e r of d e g r e e . S i n n i n g is m o s t broadly defined as " m i s s i n g t h e m a r k , " w h i c h m e a n s w e sin every t i m e w e fail t o h i t t h e bull's-eye. Sin i s n o t h i n g less t h a n a f a i l u r e t o b e c o n t i n u a l l y perfect. A n d because it is impossible for us to be continually p e r f e c t , w e a r e all s i n n e r s . W e r o u t i n e l y fail t o d o t h e v e r y b e s t of which we a r e capable, a n d with e a c h failure we c o m m i t a crime of sorts—against ourselves or others. O f course, t h e r e a r e crimes o f g r e a t e r o r lesser m a g n i t u d e . I t m a y s e e m less o d i o u s t o c h e a t t h e r i c h t h a n t o c h e a t t h e p o o r , b u t i t i s still c h e a t i n g . T h e r e a r e d i f f e r e n c e s b e f o r e t h e law i n d e f r a u d i n g a b u s i n e s s , c l a i m i n g a false d e d u c t i o n o n y o u r inc o m e t a x , t e l l i n g y o u r wife t h a t y o u h a v e t o w o r k l a t e w h e n y o u are b e i n g unfaithful, or telling your h u s b a n d you d i d n ' t have t i m e t o pick u p his clothes a t t h e c l e a n e r w h e n you s p e n t a n h o u r on t h e p h o n e with a friend. Surely s o m e of these d e e d s a r e m o r e e x c u s a b l e t h a n o t h e r s — a n d p e r h a p s all t h e m o r e s o u n d e r c e r t a i n c i r c u m s t a n c e s — b u t t h e fact r e m a i n s t h a t t h e y a r e all lies a n d b e t r a y a l s . T h e reality i s t h a t w e d o b e t r a y o u r s e l v e s a n d o t h e r s r o u tinely. T h e w o r s t o f u s d o i t blatantly, even compulsively. T h e n o b l e s t o f u s d o i t subtly a n d self-centeredly, e v e n w h e n w e t h i n k w e a r e t r y i n g n o t t o d o it. W h e t h e r i t i s d o n e c o n s c i o u s l y or unconsciously is of no matter; t h e betrayal occurs. If you i m a g i n e y o u a r e sufficiently s c r u p u l o u s n e v e r t o h a v e d o n e a n y s u c h t h i n g , t h e n ask y o u r s e l f w h e t h e r t h e r e i s a n y way i n w h i c h y o u h a v e l i e d t o yourself. O r h a v e k i d d e d yourself. B e p e r f e c t l y h o n e s t w i t h y o u r s e l f a n d y o u will r e a l i z e t h a t y o u sin. I f y o u d o n o t r e a l i z e it, t h e n y o u a r e n o t p e r f e c t l y h o n e s t w i t h yourself, w h i c h is itself a sin. T h u s , w e a r e all s i n n e r s t o o n e d e g r e e o r a n o t h e r . B u t t h o s e w h o a r e evil c a n n o t b e strictly d e f i n e d b y t h e m a g n i t u d e

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o f t h e i r sins o r t h e illegality o f t h e i r d e e d s . I t i s n o t t h e i r sins p e r se that characterize t h e m ; r a t h e r it is t h e subtlety a n d persist e n c e a n d c o n s i s t e n c y o f t h e i r sins. A n d u n d e r l y i n g this c o n s i s tency, w h a t d i s t i n g u i s h e s t h o s e w h o a r e evil, like B o b b y ' s p a r e n t s , i s t h e e x t r e m e s t h a t t h e y will g o t o i n o r d e r t o a v o i d t h e c o n s c i o u s n e s s o f t h e i r o w n evil.

THE SHADOW C a r l J u n g a s c r i b e d t h e r o o t o f h u m a n evil t o " t h e refusal t o m e e t the Shadow." By "the Shadow," J u n g m e a n t t h e part of o u r m i n d containing those things that we would rather not own up to, that we are continually trying to h i d e from ourselves a n d others a n d sweep u n d e r the rug of o u r consciousness. M o s t o f u s , w h e n p u s h e d u p a g a i n s t t h e wall b y e v i d e n c e o f o u r o w n sins, f a i l u r e s , o r i m p e r f e c t i o n s , will a c k n o w l e d g e o u r S h a d o w . B u t b y his u s e o f t h e w o r d "refusal," J u n g was implyi n g s o m e t h i n g far m o r e active. T h o s e w h o h a v e c r o s s e d o v e r t h e l i n e t h a t s e p a r a t e s sin f r o m evil a r e c h a r a c t e r i z e d m o s t b y t h e i r a b s o l u t e refusal t o t o l e r a t e a s e n s e o f t h e i r o w n s i n f u l n e s s . This is because their central defect is n o t that they have no cons c i e n c e b u t t h a t t h e y r e f u s e t o b e a r its p a i n . I n o t h e r w o r d s , i t i s n o t s o m u c h t h e sin itself b u t t h e refusal t o a c k n o w l e d g e i t t h a t m a k e s it evil. I n fact, t h e evil a r e o f t e n h i g h l y i n t e l l i g e n t p e o p l e , w h o m a y b e q u i t e c o n s c i o u s i n m o s t r e s p e c t s b u t h a v e a very specific unwillingness to a c k n o w l e d g e t h e i r Shadow. T h e briefest defini t i o n of evil I k n o w is t h a t it is " m i l i t a n t i g n o r a n c e . " B u t evil is n o t g e n e r a l i g n o r a n c e ; m o r e specifically, i t i s m i l i t a n t i g n o r a n c e o f t h e S h a d o w . T h o s e w h o a r e evil r e f u s e t o b e a r t h e p a i n o f g u i l t o r t o allow t h e S h a d o w i n t o c o n s c i o u s n e s s a n d " m e e t " it. I n s t e a d , t h e y will s e t a b o u t — o f t e n a t g r e a t e f f o r t — m i l i t a n t l y t r y i n g t o d e s t r o y t h e e v i d e n c e o f t h e i r sin o r a n y o n e w h o s p e a k s o f i t o r r e p r e s e n t s it. A n d i n this a c t o f d e s t r u c t i o n , t h e i r evil i s committed.

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I h a v e w r i t t e n t h a t g u i l t — a l t h o u g h o f t e n v i e w e d as a " d o w n e r " — i s in m a n y ways a b l e s s i n g . H a v i n g a g e n u i n e a w a r e n e s s o f o n e ' s o w n s h o r t c o m i n g s i s w h a t I call a s e n s e o f p e r s o n a l sin. It is n o t p l e a s a n t to be a w a r e of o n e s e l f as a n a t u r a l l y lazy, i g n o r a n t , s e l f - c e n t e r e d b e i n g t h a t r a t h e r r o u t i n e l y b e t r a y s its C r e a t o r , its fellow c r e a t u r e s , a n d e v e n its o w n b e s t i n t e r e s t s . Yet this u n p l e a s a n t s e n s e o f p e r s o n a l f a i l u r e a n d i n a d e q u a c y is, paradoxically, t h e greatest blessing a h u m a n b e i n g c a n possess. U n p l e a s a n t t h o u g h i t m a y b e , t h e gift o f a p p r o p r i a t e g u i l t i s p r e c i s e l y w h a t k e e p s o u r sins f r o m g e t t i n g o u t o f h a n d . I t i s o u r m o s t effective s a f e g u a r d a g a i n s t o u r o w n proclivity f o r evil. A m o n g t h e r e a s o n s for b e c o m i n g m o r e conscious i s t o a v o i d b e c o m i n g evil. F o r t u n a t e l y , t h e t r u l y evil r e p r e s e n t o n l y a m i n o r i t y o f t h e h u m a n p o p u l a t i o n . Yet l e s s e r f o r m s o f p s y c h o l o g i c a l illness a b o u n d . A n d a l t h o u g h n o t evil, t h e y t o o c a n r e flect a n u n w i l l i n g n e s s t o m e e t o u r S h a d o w . S i g m u n d F r e u d a n d his d a u g h t e r , A n n a , c o m p e l l i n g l y d e m o n s t r a t e d t h a t t h e r e i s oft e n " s i n i s t e r " stuff l u r k i n g i n t h e d e p t h s o f t h e u n c o n s c i o u s m i n d . Traditional Freudian psychology has t a u g h t us that the c a u s e s o f m o s t p s y c h o l o g i c a l d i s o r d e r s s t e m f r o m h i d d e n feelings—anger, u n a c k n o w l e d g e d sexual desire, a n d so on. Because o f this, p s y c h o l o g i c a l illness h a s b e e n l o c a l i z e d i n t h e u n c o n scious r e a l m by m o s t thinkers, as if t h e u n c o n s c i o u s were t h e s e a t o f p s y c h o p a t h o l o g y , a n d s y m p t o m s w e r e like s u b t e r r a n e a n d e m o n s t h a t s u r f a c e t o t o r m e n t t h e i n d i v i d u a l . M y o w n view i s the opposite. As I w r o t e in The Road Less Traveled, I b e l i e v e t h a t all psyc h o l o g i c a l d i s o r d e r s a r e basically d i s o r d e r s o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s . They are n o t rooted in the unconscious but in a conscious m i n d t h a t refuses to t h i n k a n d is unwilling to deal with certain issues, b e a r c e r t a i n f e e l i n g s , o r t o l e r a t e p a i n . T h e s e issues, feelings, or desires are in t h e u n c o n s c i o u s only b e c a u s e a painavoiding conscious m i n d has thrust t h e m there. Of course, no o n e walking a r o u n d is so unhealthy that he i s n o t a t l e a s t slightly c o n s c i o u s . A n d n o o n e i s s o h e a l t h y t h a t s h e i s totally c o n s c i o u s . T h e r e a r e i n n u m e r a b l e d e g r e e s o f c o n -

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sciousness, given t h a t s o m e p e o p l e e x e r t themselves m o r e o r less t h a n o t h e r s . B u t t h e d e g r e e o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s i s i n h e r e n t l y h a r d t o m e a s u r e . Even with t h e tools for g a u g i n g m e n t a l h e a l t h t h r o u g h s t a n d a r d p s y c h o l o g i c a l t e s t i n g , i t i s difficult t o d e t e r m i n e a n y o n e ' s t r u e level o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s . W e c a n s p e c u l a t e from his o r h e r behavior. But p e r h a p s t h e best m e a s u r e o f s o m e o n e ' s d e g r e e of consciousness c a n be f o u n d in t h e consistency o f his o r h e r g e n e r a l a p p r o a c h t o t h i n k i n g . F o r e x a m p l e , a p e r s o n w h o i s o r i e n t e d m o r e t o w a r d t h i n k i n g simplistically h a s a lesser d e g r e e o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s t h a n a p e r s o n w h o t h i n k s w i t h integrity. I n this way, t h i n k i n g a n d c o n s c i o u s n e s s a r e i n e x t r i c a b l y locked t o g e t h e r in a parallel relationship. Consciousness is t h e f o u n d a t i o n o f all t h i n k i n g , a n d t h i n k i n g i s t h e f o u n d a t i o n o f all c o n s c i o u s n e s s . A n y t i m e t h e r e is a f a i l u r e in t h i n k i n g , t h e r e is c o r r e s p o n d i n g deficit in a p e r s o n ' s level of c o n s c i o u s n e s s . T h u s , all h u m a n b e h a v i o r — t h e g o o d , t h e b a d , a n d t h e indiff e r e n t — i s d e t e r m i n e d b y t h e e x t e n t , o r lack t h e r e o f , o f t h e quality of t h i n k i n g a n d consciousness involved. P e o p l e h a v e f r e q u e n t l y a s k e d m e , "Dr. P e c k , s i n c e w e all have neuroses of o n e sort or a n o t h e r — s i n c e no o n e can be c o m pletely c o n s c i o u s — h o w do you k n o w w h e n to go into therapy?" M y a n s w e r t o t h e m is: " W h e n y o u ' r e stuck. T h e r e ' s n o n e e d f o r t h e r a p y w h e n y o u ' r e clearly g r o w i n g well w i t h o u t it. B u t w h e n we're n o t growing, w h e n we're stuck a n d s p i n n i n g o u r w h e e l s , w e ' r e o b v i o u s l y i n a c o n d i t i o n o f inefficiency. A n d w h e n e v e r t h e r e ' s a lack of efficiency t h e r e is a p o t e n t i a l l y u n necessary lack of c o m p e t e n c e . " So t h e r e is yet a n o t h e r reason to seek greater consciousness. It is the foundation of m e n t a l a n d s p i r i t u a l g r o w t h . A n d i t i s t h r o u g h this g r o w t h t h a t w e b e c o m e ever m o r e c o m p e t e n t .

CONSCIOUSNESS AND COMPETENCE A l t h o u g h we can p i n p o i n t various capabilities a n d talents that allow u s t o m e e t t h e d e m a n d s o f life o r t o d e v e l o p d e f t n e s s i n

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p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g skills, g e n e r a l c o m p e t e n c e i s a m u c h m o r e c o m p l e x capability. I n r e l a t i o n t o t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f c o n sciousness, it is b r o a d e r t h a n j u s t attaining a d e q u a c y in basic survival skills, l e a r n i n g h o w t o o r g a n i z e , o r h a v i n g a n e x c e l l e n t memory. True competence is m o r e about growing in wisdom t h a n a c c u m u l a t i n g m e r e k n o w l e d g e . It entails striving toward a psychological a n d spiritual maturity that results in real p e r s o n a l power. Many p e o p l e can cook without recipes or work on car engines without a m a n u a l , or have brilliant m e m o r i e s that e n a b l e t h e m t o r e c a l l q u i c k , f o r m u l a i c ways o f r e s p o n d i n g t o situations. But, b e c a u s e of an inability or unwillingness to t h i n k in b r o a d e r ways o r t o h a n d l e d i f f e r e n t s i t u a t i o n s creatively, t h e y m a y fail i n d e a l i n g w i t h s i t u a t i o n s t h a t d o n o t f i t w i t h i n e x p e c t e d p a t t e r n s . T h e m a n w h o c a n easily f i x a g a r b a g e d i s p o s a l w i t h o u t m u c h h e l p f r o m a m a n u a l m a y feel totally i n c o m p e t e n t w h e n faced with h a n d l i n g m o r e c o m p l e x o r detailed situations involving t h e discipline of his c h i l d r e n or c o m m u n i c a t i o n with h i s wife. T h e reality i s t h a t e v e n w h e n p e o p l e a r e c o m p e t e n t i n s o m e a s p e c t s o f t h e i r lives, t h e i r c o m p e t e n c e i n o t h e r a r e a s varies. H e a t h e r , o n e of t h e m a i n c h a r a c t e r s in A Bed by the Window, is v e r y skilled a n d c o n s c i e n t i o u s in h e r w o r k as a n u r s e — s o c o m p e t e n t a n d well-rounded as a caregiver that she is o n e of t h e m o s t a p p r e c i a t e d staff m e m b e r s a t t h e n u r s i n g h o m e . H e r p e r s o n a l life i s a n o t h e r m a t t e r a l t o g e t h e r . S h e i s less c o m p e t e n t in m a k i n g decisions a b o u t mates, a n d often finds herself in c o m p r o m i s i n g — e v e n abusive—situations as a result of h e r poor j u d g m e n t about men. As a superb nurse on the one hand b u t a lousy girlfriend on t h e other, H e a t h e r is a glaring e x a m p l e of what psychologists refer to as s o m e o n e with a c o m b i n a t i o n of b o t h "conflict-free a r e a s o f t h e e g o " a n d e x t r e m e l y c o n f l i c t e d o n e s , s o m e o n e w h o i s fully c o n s c i o u s i n c e r t a i n a r e a s b u t , b e cause of n e u r o t i c conflict, utterly u n c o n s c i o u s in o t h e r s . Many p e o p l e find themselves confused by the u n e v e n nature of their consciousness. As did Heather, they may go into t h e r a p y s e e k i n g a n e n d t o t h e i r t o r m e n t . A l t h o u g h s o m e relief

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usually c o m e s quickly with t h e realization t h a t they a r e n o t crazy, a n d m a j o r g r o w t h m a y c o m e m o r e slowly, t h e y will f i n d t h a t e v e n t h e r a p y d o e s n o t offer a p a n a c e a f o r t h e p a i n o f d e veloping consciousness. In my p r a c t i c e as a p s y c h o t h e r a p i s t , I w o u l d r o u t i n e l y tell my patients, "Psychotherapy is n o t a b o u t happiness; it is a b o u t power. If you go the whole r o u t e h e r e , I c a n n o t g u a r a n t e e you t h a t y o u will leave o n e j o t h a p p i e r . W h a t I c a n g u a r a n t e e y o u i s t h a t y o u will l e a v e m o r e c o m p e t e n t . " I w o u l d g o o n t o say, " B u t t h e r e is a v a c u u m of c o m p e t e n c e in the world, a n d so as s o o n as p e o p l e b e c o m e m o r e c o m p e t e n t , G o d o r life will give t h e m bigg e r t h i n g s t o d o . C o n s e q u e n t l y , y o u m a y well l e a v e h e r e w o r r y i n g a b o u t far b i g g e r p r o b l e m s t h a n w h e n y o u f i r s t c a m e . Nonetheless, a certain kind of joy a n d peace of m i n d do c o m e from knowing that you're worrying a b o u t big things a n d no l o n g e r g e t t i n g b e n t o u t o f s h a p e a b o u t t h e little o n e s . " O n c e , when asked the purpose of psychotherapy, Freud c o m m e n t e d , "To m a k e t h e u n c o n s c i o u s c o n s c i o u s . " T h i s , o f c o u r s e , i s w h a t h a s b e e n said all a l o n g . T h e r a p y ' s p u r p o s e i s t o h e l p people b e c o m e m o r e aware so that they can think m o r e clearly a n d live t h e i r lives m o r e effectively a n d efficiently. A n o t h e r way o f t a l k i n g a b o u t t h i s p r o g r e s s i o n o f a w a r e n e s s or consciousness is in terms of what is k n o w n as ego developm e n t , w h i c h is very m u c h a d e v e l o p m e n t of consciousness. In A World Waiting to Be Born, I w r o t e t h a t t h e e g o is t h e g o v e r n i n g p a r t o f o u r p e r s o n a l i t y a n d t h a t its d e v e l o p m e n t — t h e m a t u r a t i o n o f this g o v e r n o r — c a n b e d e l i n e a t e d i n t h r e e o v e r a l l stages. T h e first stage, that of early c h i l d h o o d , is o n e of an absolute or a l m o s t a b s o l u t e lack of self-consciousness. H e r e t h e e g o is totally d o w n a t t h e level o f t h e e m o t i o n s a n d e n m e s h e d w i t h t h e m . I t i s this l a c k o f s e l f - c o n s c i o u s n e s s t h a t c a n m a k e y o u n g children so frequently c h a r m i n g a n d seemingly innocuous. W h e n they are joyful, they are o n e h u n d r e d p e r c e n t joyful. T h e y a r e m a r v e l o u s l y s p o n t a n e o u s a n d i n n o c e n t . B u t i t i s this s a m e l a c k o f s e l f - c o n s c i o u s n e s s t h a t c a n s o o f t e n m a k e t h e m diff i c u l t . F o r w h e n c h i l d r e n a r e s a d , t h e y a r e also o n e h u n d r e d

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p e r c e n t sad, s o m e t i m e s t o t h e p o i n t o f b e i n g i n c o n s o l a b l e . A n d w h e n t h e y a r e a n g r y , t h e i r a n g e r will e r u p t i n t e m p e r t a n t r u m s a n d s o m e t i m e s violent o r vicious behavior. T h e r e are g l i m m e r i n g s of self-consciousness by t h e age of n i n e m o n t h s , a n d t h e c a p a c i t y f o r self-awareness v e r y g r a d u a l l y increases t h r o u g h o u t c h i l d h o o d . In adolescence, however, it u n d e r g o e s a dramatic growth spurt. For the first time y o u n g people have a quite obvious "observing ego." Now they can obs e r v e t h e m s e l v e s b e i n g j o y f u l o r s a d o r a n g r y w h i l e t h e y a r e feeli n g so. T h i s m e a n s t h e e g o i s n o l o n g e r w h o l l y c o n f i n e d t o t h e level o f t h e e m o t i o n s . N o w a p a r t o f i t — t h e o b s e r v i n g e g o — i s detached from the emotions, above t h e m looking on. T h e r e is a c e r t a i n r e s u l t i n g loss of s p o n t a n e i t y . T h e o b s e r v i n g e g o i s still n o t fully d e v e l o p e d i n a d o l e s cence. Thus, adolescents are frequently spontaneous, somet i m e s d a n g e r o u s l y so. A t o t h e r t i m e s , h o w e v e r , t h e y s e e m t o b e n o t h i n g b u t a m a s s o f a f f e c t a t i o n s a s t h e y self-consciously try o n o n e n e w i d e n t i t y after a n o t h e r b y w e a r i n g b i z a r r e h a i r s t y l e s a n d clothes a n d behaving outrageously. Constantly c o m p a r i n g themselves w i t h p e e r s a n d p a r e n t s , t h e s e s e e m i n g l y f l a m b o y a n t c r e a t u r e s a r e o f t e n p a i n f u l l y shy a n d suffer i n n u m e r a b l e s p a s m s o f excruciating e m b a r r a s s m e n t a n d self-deprecation. S i n c e s e l f - c o n s c i o u s n e s s o f t e n b e c o m e s p a i n f u l a t this s t a g e of psychosocial a n d spiritual d e v e l o p m e n t , m a n y p e o p l e move i n t o a d u l t h o o d f o r s a k i n g r a t h e r t h a n c o n t i n u i n g its d e v e l o p m e n t . B e c a u s e t h e y fail t o f u r t h e r d e v e l o p t h e i r o b s e r v i n g e g o s o n c e they e n t e r a d u l t h o o d , t h e i r self-observing capacity bec o m e s m o d u l a t e d ( a n d less p a i n f u l ) , b u t t h i s o f t e n o c c u r s o n l y because of an actual shrinkage of consciousness. W h e n , unwittingly, t h e m a j o r i t y settle f o r a l i m i t e d — e v e n d i m i n i s h e d — a w a r e ness of their own feelings a n d imperfections, they have s t o p p e d s h o r t o n t h e j o u r n e y o f p e r s o n a l g r o w t h , t h e r e b y failing t o fulfill their h u m a n potential or grow into true psychospiritual power. B u t a f o r t u n a t e minority, for reasons b o t h mysterious a n d graceful, c o n t i n u e t h e j o u r n e y , ever s t r e n g t h e n i n g their ob-

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serving egos r a t h e r t h a n allowing t h e m to atrophy. O n e of t h e reasons that psychoanalytically o r i e n t e d psychotherapy may be p r o f o u n d l y effective is t h a t it is a v e h i c l e f o r t h e e x e r c i s e of t h e o b s e r v i n g e g o . W h a t t h e p a t i e n t i s d o i n g a s h e lies o n t h e a n a lyst's c o u c h i s n o t m e r e l y t a l k i n g a b o u t h i m s e l f b u t o b s e r v i n g himself talking a b o u t himself a n d o b s e r v i n g his feelings as he d o e s so. T h e exercise of t h e observing ego is crucial because if it becomes strong e n o u g h , the individual is t h e n in a position w h e r e s h e c a n p r o c e e d t o t h e n e x t s t a g e a n d d e v e l o p w h a t I call a t r a n scendent ego. With a transcendent ego, we b e c o m e m o r e aware o f o u r b r o a d e r d i m e n s i o n s , b e t t e r p r e p a r e d t o d e c i d e realistically w h e n , w h e r e , a n d w h y t o e x p r e s s t h e e s s e n c e o f w h o w e a r e . I n b e c o m i n g m o r e c o n s c i o u s o f t h e full r a n g e o f o u r t h o u g h t s a n d f e e l i n g s , w e i n e v i t a b l y b e c o m e less t h r e a t e n e d b y t h e k n o w l e d g e o f o u r flaws a n d c a n m o r e r e a d i l y i n t e g r a t e a n d appreciate the whole of who we are—the good and the bad. We m a y d e v e l o p t h e c a p a c i t y t o live w i t h , p e r h a p s e v e n l a u g h at, o u r limitations. W h e n we can acknowledge o u r imperfections, we find ourselves in a better position to work on those areas within o u r power to c h a n g e a n d to accept those things we cannot. It's a g i v e n t h a t t h e v e r y e x i s t e n c e of a s i g n i f i c a n t o b s e r v i n g e g o i m p l i e s a c e r t a i n loss o f s p o n t a n e i t y . S i n c e t h e d e v e l o p m e n t of a t r a n s c e n d e n t ego is based on the prior foundation of an obs e r v i n g e g o , a fully c o n s c i o u s p e r s o n k n o w s h e i s o f t e n n o t f r e e t o d o e v e r y t h i n g h e s i m p l y feels like d o i n g . O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , h e h a s t h e p s y c h o l o g i c a l flexibility t o c o n s c i o u s l y d e c i d e w h e n h e c a n b e s p o n t a n e o u s a n d t o k n o w w h e n t h e s i t u a t i o n calls f o r caution. I was a t t e m p t i n g t o e x p l a i n t h e c o n c e p t o f t r a n s c e n d e n t e g o t o a p a t i e n t o n e a f t e r n o o n . T h i s p a r t i c u l a r p a t i e n t was seei n g m e b e c a u s e o f a p r o b l e m e x p r e s s i n g his anger. H e h a d s o m e years before b e e n h i g h in t h e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n of a university a t a t i m e o f s t u d e n t r i o t s . " A h a ! " h e s u d d e n l y e x c l a i m e d . "Now I u n d e r s t a n d what you're talking about." He r e c o u n t e d h o w a t t h e h e i g h t o f t h e riots, t h e p r e s i d e n t o f t h e u n i v e r s i t y r e -

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s i g n e d a n d a n e w p r e s i d e n t was i m m e d i a t e l y b r o u g h t i n t o r e place him: We went from meeting to meeting to meeting. More often t h a n n o t , t h e discussions w e r e very h e a t e d . T h e new m a n mostly j u s t listened. Occasionally he would very c a l m l y c o m m e n t t h a t u n i v e r s i t y p o l i c y was p r o b a bly s u c h a n d s u c h , b u t h e w a s n ' t s u r e b e c a u s e h e was still l e a r n i n g t h e r o p e s . I a d m i r e d h o w h e k e p t h i s cool. B u t I also b e g a n to w o n d e r if he wasn't b e i n g t o o passive, p o s s i b l y e v e n ineffective. Finally, we w e r e at a huge meeting in the amphitheater, open to the entire faculty. T h e issue was p a r t i c u l a r l y critical. A v e r y y o u n g faculty m e m b e r w e n t i n t o a l o n g d i a t r i b e a b o u t h o w t h e e n t i r e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n was n o t h i n g b u t a coll e c t i o n o f i n s e n s i t i v e a n d u n r e s p o n s i v e fascist p i g s . W h e n h e was f i n i s h e d t h e n e w m a n s t o o d u p a n d s t r o d e to t h e lectern. "I have b e e n with you for t h r e e weeks now," he said with his usual calm, steady voice, " a n d you have n o t yet h a d t h e occasion to see y o u r n e w p r e s i d e n t get angry. Today you are g o i n g to have that opportunity." T h e n h e p r o c e e d e d t o utterly blast t h e a r r o g a n t y o u n g fool away. I t was v e r y i m p r e s s i v e . Maybe that's an e x a m p l e of what you m e a n by a trans c e n d e n t ego at work. W h i l e t h e r e i s a s m a l l loss o f f r e e d o m a s s o c i a t e d w i t h c o n sciousness a n d constant self-examination, those w h o have bec o m e a c c u s t o m e d to it have f o u n d that, on balance, it makes for a way o f life t h a t c a n b e p r o f o u n d l y l i b e r a t i n g . T h a t i s b e c a u s e u n d e r l y i n g a h i g h d e g r e e of c o n s c i o u s n e s s is a d e g r e e of self-control—in o t h e r words, psychological c o m p e t e n c e . H a v i n g a t r a n s c e n d e n t e g o i s a n a l o g o u s t o b e i n g a n orchestra c o n d u c t o r . Like t h e university president, an individual with a t r a n s c e n d e n t ego has b e c o m e so aware of h e r e m o t i o n s t h a t she c a n actually o r c h e s t r a t e t h e m . S h e m a y b e feeling s o m e s a d n e s s , b u t s h e i s i n c o m m a n d o f herself, s o s h e c a n say i n

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e s s e n c e , " T h i s i s n o t t h e t i m e f o r s a d n e s s o r violins; i t i s a t i m e f o r joy. S o h u s h n o w , violins. A n d c o m e o n , h o r n s , b l o w f o r t h . " W h a t defines h e r c o m p e t e n c e h e r e — h e r personal power—is that she does not repress or deny h e r sadness any m o r e than an o r c h e s t r a c o n d u c t o r w o u l d s m a s h t h e violins. S h e s i m p l y sets a s i d e h e r s a d n e s s , o r b r a c k e t s it. Similarly, w i t h t h e e m o t i o n a l a n d intellectual c o m p e t e n c e of a transcendent ego, she would b e a b l e t o a d d r e s s t h e j o y f u l p a r t o f herself: " I love y o u , h o r n s , b u t this i s n o t a s i t u a t i o n f o r j o y f u l e x p r e s s i o n . I t i s o n e t h a t calls f o r a n g e r . S o b e a t t h e d r u m s . " Yet o n c e a g a i n , i n t h e i n t e r e s t o f r e a l i s m , w e m u s t r e m e m b e r t h a t all b l e s s i n g s a r e p o t e n t i a l c u r s e s , a n d t h a t b o t h c o n sciousness a n d c o m p e t e n c e are inextricably interwoven with p a i n . As I w r o t e in The Road Less Traveled, " P e r h a p s t h e b e s t m e a s u r e of a p e r s o n ' s greatness is t h e capacity for suffering." This p o i n t is u n d e r s c o r e d in t h e a p t l y t i t l e d b o o k The Price of Greatness, by A r n o l d L u d w i g , a p r o f e s s o r of p s y c h i a t r y at t h e U n i v e r sity o f K e n t u c k y C o l l e g e o f M e d i c i n e . L u d w i g ' s b o o k i s b a s e d o n t e n y e a r s o f r e s e a r c h t h a t e x a m i n e d t h e lives o f 1,004 e m i n e n t f i g u r e s o f t h e t w e n t i e t h c e n t u r y w h o r e p r e s e n t e d v a r i o u s discip l i n e s i n c l u d i n g artists, w r i t e r s , i n v e n t o r s , a n d o t h e r c r e a t i v e individuals. In e x p l o r i n g t h e relationship b e t w e e n genius a n d mental health, Ludwig wrote that a m o n g the great geniuses of o u r t i m e s , all s h o w e d a r e a d i n e s s t o d i s c a r d p r e v a l e n t views, a n i r r e v e r e n c e toward established authority, a s t r o n g capacity for solitude, a n d a "psychological unease," which could cause m e n tal t r o u b l e s u c h a s d e p r e s s i o n , a n x i e t y , o r a l c o h o l i s m . B u t i f these qualities w e r e n o t too incapacitating, they actually cont r i b u t e d t o t h e i n d i v i d u a l ' s ability t o a c h i e v e s i g n i f i c a n t creativity, b l a z e n e w trails, p r o p o s e r a d i c a l s o l u t i o n s , a n d p r o m o t e n e w schools of thought. A n o t h e r a s p e c t o f t h e p a i n o f b e i n g gifted a n d h i g h l y c o n scious has to do with t h e struggle to c o m e to t e r m s with o n e ' s s u p e r i o r i t y . As I w r o t e in A World Waiting to Be Born, m a n y w h o a r e truly s u p e r i o r will s t r u g g l e a g a i n s t t h e i r g e n u i n e call t o p e r s o n a l a n d civic p o w e r b e c a u s e t h e y f e a r e x e r c i s i n g a u t h o r i t y . Usually, t h e y a r e r e l u c t a n t t o c o n s i d e r t h e m s e l v e s " b e t t e r t h a n "

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or "above" others, in large p a r t because of a sense of humility that a c c o m p a n i e s their personal a n d spiritual power. A w o m a n n a m e d J a n e was a c a s e i n p o i n t . S h e was a brilliant a n d beautiful y o u n g s t u d e n t in the s e c o n d year of business s c h o o l w h o h a d c o m e t o s e e m e b e c a u s e o f irritability. H e r d a t e s w e r e d u l l . H e r p r o f e s s o r s s e e m e d p o m p o u s . H e r fellow students, even the w o m e n , struck h e r as remarkably limited a n d u n i m a g i n a t i v e . S h e h a d n o i d e a w h a t t h e p r o b l e m was, b u t s h e was s m a r t e n o u g h t o k n o w t h a t s o m e t h i n g was w r o n g a b o u t living in a state of c o n s t a n t a n n o y a n c e . After several sessions g o i n g over t h e s a m e o l d g r o u n d , s h e e x c l a i m e d i n e x a s p e r a t i o n , " I feel t h a t all I ' m d o i n g h e r e i s whining. I d o n ' t w a n t to be a whiner." " T h e n you'll n e e d to learn h o w to a c c e p t y o u r superiority," I retorted. "My w h a t ? W h a t d o y o u m e a n ? " J a n e was d u m b f o u n d e d . "I'm n o t superior." "All y o u r c o m p l a i n t s — y o u r w h i n i n g , i f y o u w i l l — c e n t e r a r o u n d your probably accurate assessment that your dates aren't as smart as you, your professors a r e n ' t as h u m b l e as you, a n d y o u r fellow s t u d e n t s a r e n ' t a s i n t e r e s t i n g a s y o u , " I p o i n t e d o u t . " I n o t h e r w o r d s , all y o u r u n h a p p i n e s s r e l a t e s t o t h e fact that you feel—and probably are—superior to most people." " B u t I d o n ' t feel s u p e r i o r , " s h e e x c l a i m e d w i t h a t o u c h o f d e s p e r a t i o n . " T h a t ' s t h e p o i n t . I s h o u l d n ' t feel s u p e r i o r . Everyone's equal." "Are t h e y ? " I a r c h e d m y e y e b r o w s . "If y o u b e l i e v e e v e r y o n e is as smart as you, then you're b o u n d to be chronically irritated when people prove themselves n o t to be as smart. You're going t o b e c o n s t a n t l y d i s a p p o i n t e d w i t h t h e m w h e n t h e y d o n ' t live up to your expectations." T h e weeks that followed w e r e o n e s of excruciatingly h a r d work for J a n e , a l t h o u g h t i n g e d with t h e e x c i t e m e n t o f g r u d g ingly s e n s i n g t h a t s h e was o n t h e r i g h t t r a c k . I t was s o m u c h easi e r b e i n g o r d i n a r y . I t was s o safe. H o w c o u l d s h e a c c e p t h e r superiority a n d n o t s u c c u m b to arrogance? Not b e c o m e m i r e d i n s e l f - r i g h t e o u s n e s s ? I f s h e really was s u p e r i o r , was s h e n o t t h e n

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d o o m e d t o a life o f l o n e l i n e s s ? A n d i f s h e was n o t o r d i n a r y — i f s h e was, i n fact, e x t r a o r d i n a r y — w h y ? W h y h e r ? W h y was s h e singled out, chosen or cursed? Of course, I could never answer t h e s e q u e s t i o n s f o r h e r . B u t i t was r e a s s u r i n g f o r h e r t h a t I ack n o w l e d g e d t h a t they w e r e very real a n d very i m p o r t a n t quest i o n s . G r a d u a l l y , s h e c a m e t o a c c e p t t h a t s h e was n o t o r d i n a r y , t h a t s h e was b o t h c h o s e n a n d c u r s e d , b l e s s e d a n d b u r d e n e d . Yet a n o t h e r p a i n f u l b u r d e n t h a t c o m e s w i t h i n c r e a s e d c o n sciousness a n d c o m p e t e n c e is t h e loneliness of t r a n s c e n d i n g t r a d i t i o n a l c u l t u r e . T h r o u g h o u t t h e a g e s , o n l y a few a m o n g millions—a Socrates, a J e s u s — h a v e obviously risen above t h e rigid c u l t u r e a n d s i m p l i s t i c t h i n k i n g o f t h e i r t i m e s . Now, a s a r e s u l t o f m a s s c o m m u n i c a t i o n s , p s y c h o t h e r a p y , a n d g r a c e , I w o u l d estimate that there are h u n d r e d s of thousands of adults in o u r c o u n t r y w h o a r e o n this c u t t i n g e d g e . T h e s e i n d i v i d u a l s t h i n k well e n o u g h t o c h a l l e n g e c o n v e n t i o n a l a n d i r r a t i o n a l t h i n k i n g . T h e y q u e s t i o n b l i n d n a t i o n a l a n d t r i b a l l o y a l t i e s — a n d t h e limit a t i o n s i m p o s e d b y t h e i r c u l t u r e — i n o r d e r t o grow. T h e y n o l o n g e r believe everything they r e a d in t h e newspapers. T h e y seek t r u t h a n d c h a l l e n g e t h e illusions a b o u t "normalcy" as p r o m o t e d b y society a n d t h e mass m e d i a . T h e y show t h e c o u r a g e t o n o l o n g e r b e s u c k e d i n t o t h e simplistic t h i n k i n g a r o u n d t h e m . T h e y h a v e r e d e f i n e d "family" t o i n c l u d e n o t o n l y b l o o d relatives b u t t h e m e a n i n g f u l relations they establish with others w h o share c o m m o n interests a n d a c o m m o n — a n d growtho r i e n t e d — a p p r o a c h t o life. In the process of b e c o m i n g increasingly conscious, m a n y e x p e r i e n c e a s e n s e o f f r e e d o m a n d l i b e r a t i o n i n striving t o w a r d b e c o m i n g true t o — a n d truly—themselves. Their awareness is b e c o m i n g rooted in the eternal, a n d the evolution of consciousness is t h e very essence of spiritual growth. But they pay a p r i c e a s well, b e c a u s e t h e i r s c a n b e a l o n e l y j o u r n e y . D e e p thinkers are often m i s u n d e r s t o o d by t h e masses w h o c o n t i n u e t o view life a n d t h e w o r l d simplistically. S i n c e m a n y w h o a r e conscious do n o t readily buy into t h e "go a l o n g to get along" m e n t a l i t y t h a t i s p r e v a l e n t i n society, t h e y f i n d i t h a r d t o fit n e a t l y i n t o t h e m a i n s t r e a m . T h e y f i n d t h a t o t h e r s h a v e diffi-

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culty u n d e r s t a n d i n g a n d c o m m u n i c a t i n g w i t h t h e m . T h e y p a y t h e p r i c e o f f e e l i n g a t l e a s t p a r t i a l l y a l i e n a t e d f r o m families a n d isolated from old friends a n d cultural rituals. T h e s e i n t e l l e c t u a l l y a n d spiritually " e l i t e " c o m e f r o m a variety o f b a c k g r o u n d s . T h e y m a y b e r i c h o r p o o r , o f a n y r a c e , g e n d e r , o r level o f e d u c a t i o n . B u t b e c a u s e c o n s c i o u s n e s s r e quires great internal strength to c o p e , m a n y with t h e potential t o rise a b o v e t h e i r l o t — a c e r t a i n m e n t a l i t y t h e y w e r e r a i s e d with—instead choose what seems the easier path, of stagnation over growth. F o r e x a m p l e , a n u m b e r o f b l a c k s e r v i c e m e n w h o m I evalua t e d w h i l e w o r k i n g a s a p s y c h i a t r i s t i n t h e A r m y d u r i n g t h e Vietn a m e r a c h o s e t o p l a y " d u m b " e v e n t h o u g h i t was c l e a r t h e y were intelligent e n o u g h to answer complex questions. Many d i d n ' t w a n t to rock t h e boat; o t h e r s w a n t e d to avoid t h e responsibility that c o m e s with b e i n g c o m p e t e n t a n d t h e d e m a n d s it would place on t h e m . For the same reason, a large n u m b e r of p e o p l e s h u n c o n s c i o u s n e s s t o a lesser o r g r e a t e r e x t e n t b e c a u s e t h e y find it a m o r e c o m f o r t a b l e way to live. E v e n if t h e y give l i p s e r v i c e t o t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f a w a r e n e s s a n d g r o w i n g , t h e i r act i o n s d o n o t always c o r r e s p o n d t o t h e i r w o r d s . I n fact, i t i s c o m m o n f o r c o n s c i o u s n e s s t o b e t r e a t e d a l m o s t as if it w e r e a c o m m o n cold, c o n t a g i o u s or potentially d e a d l y if o n e spreads d e e p thinking too m u c h to those in one's environm e n t . As I wrote in C h a p t e r 1, it is q u i t e c o m m o n for c o n t e m platives t o b e t o l d b y o t h e r s t h a t t h e y " t h i n k t o o m u c h . " B e i n g aware is often g r e e t e d with suspicion a n d trepidation, as if t h i n k i n g d e e p l y a n d well c a n b e e q u a t e d w i t h a b a d d r u g t h a t one can b e c o m e addicted to a n d overdose on.

THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF DEATH T h e r e i s still a n o t h e r p a i n o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s s o g r e a t a n d s o i m p o r t a n t that it warrants even d e e p e r consideration. I refer to o u r consciousness of d e a t h a n d dying. Assuming that we are m o r e c o n s c i o u s t h a n o t h e r a n i m a l s , o n e o f t h e t h i n g s m o s t fre-

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q u e n t l y said a b o u t t h e h u m a n c o n d i t i o n is t h a t " m a n is t h e only c r e a t u r e t o b e a w a r e o f his m o r t a l i t y . " S o m e h a v e l a b e l e d this n o t only the h u m a n condition but the h u m a n d i l e m m a because p e o p l e t e n d t o f i n d this a w a r e n e s s e x c r u c i a t i n g l y p a i n f u l . C o n s e q u e n t l y , m o s t p e o p l e , o n e way o r a n o t h e r , a t t e m p t t o flee from directly facing their mortality. R a t h e r t h a n m e e t i n g o u r mortality h e a d - o n — d o i n g so as early as possible a n d d o i n g s o o n a r e g u l a r b a s i s — m a n y o f u s fail t o p r e p a r e i n a n y signific a n t way. I n o u r d e a t h - d e n y i n g a n d y o u t h - w o r s h i p i n g c u l t u r e , we go to great lengths to avoid facing even t h e smallest rem i n d e r s o f d e a t h . A s E r n e s t B e c k e r p o i n t e d o u t i n h i s n o w classic w o r k , The Denial of Death, t h i s , t o o , m a y l e a d us to evil in a variety o f s u b t l e ways (as i n s c a p e g o a t i n g o r a c t u a l h u m a n sacrifice to propitiate the gods so that they won't get us). Naturally associated with o u r r e l u c t a n c e to deal with d e a t h is o u r r e l u c t a n c e to d e a l w i t h o l d a g e . I w r o t e in In Search of Stones t h a t i t w o u l d b e u n n a t u r a l t o a c t u a l l y w e l c o m e a g i n g b e c a u s e it is a p r o c e s s of s t r i p p i n g a w a y — e v e n t u a l l y a s t r i p p i n g away o f e v e r y t h i n g . I n t h e l a t e r days o f m y p r a c t i c e , I was c o n s u l t e d b y f o u r r e m a r k a b l y s i m i l a r w o m e n i n t h e i r l a t e sixties o r early seventies w h o c a m e t o m e with t h e s a m e chief c o m p l a i n t : d e p r e s s i o n a t g r o w i n g o l d . E a c h was s e c u l a r - m i n d e d . E a c h h a d e i t h e r m a d e m o n e y o r m a r r i e d m o n e y . All t h e i r c h i l d r e n h a d t u r n e d o u t g o l d e n . I t was a s i f life h a d g o n e a c c o r d i n g t o a script. But n o w they were getting cataracts, r e q u i r i n g h e a r i n g aids o r d e n t u r e s , a n d f a c i n g h i p r e p l a c e m e n t s . T h i s w a s n ' t t h e way they w o u l d have written t h e script, a n d they w e r e a n g r y a n d d e p r e s s e d . I saw n o way t o h e l p t h e m w i t h o u t c o n v e r t i n g t h e m t o a vision o f o l d a g e a s s o m e t h i n g m o r e t h a n a m e a n i n g l e s s t i m e o f w a t c h i n g t h e m s e l v e s s i m p l y r o t away. I t r i e d t o h e l p t h e m " b u y it" as a s p i r i t u a l p e r i o d in t h e i r lives, a t i m e of p r e p a r a t i o n . I t was n o t a n easy sell. I n a t t e m p t i n g it, I k e p t s a y i n g t o e a c h o f t h e m i n e v e r y p o s s i b l e way, " L o o k , y o u ' r e n o t t h e s c r i p t w r i t e r ; it's j u s t n o t e n t i r e l y y o u r show." T w o o f t h e m s o o n left, p r e f e r r i n g t o b e d e p r e s s e d r a t h e r t h a n c o m e t o t e r m s w i t h t h e fact t h a t life was n o t solely t h e i r o w n show.

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A l t h o u g h s h e was e v e n m o r e d e p r e s s e d , I h a d a m u c h easi e r t i m e o f i t w i t h a n e l d e r l y w o m a n w h o h a d a d i s t i n c t l y religious, Christian mind-set. In h e r mid-sixties, s h e h a d suffered a d e t a c h e d r e t i n a i n e a c h eye. N i n e t y p e r c e n t b l i n d , s h e was inc e n s e d a t h e r fate a n d f u r i o u s a t t h e o p h t h a l m o l o g i s t w h o h a d b e e n unsuccessful in h e a l i n g h e r c o n d i t i o n with t h e m o s t adv a n c e d l a s e r t r e a t m e n t . A t h e m e s o o n e m e r g e d d u r i n g o u r sessions. "I j u s t h a t e it w h e n they have to take h o l d of my a r m to h e l p m e o u t o f t h e p e w o r walk m e d o w n t h e s t e p s a t c h u r c h , " s h e r a n t e d . " I h a t e b e i n g s t u c k a t h o m e . I k n o w t h a t lots o f p e o ple v o l u n t e e r to take me places, b u t I c a n ' t be asking friends to d r i v e m e a r o u n d all t h e t i m e . " I t was c l e a r t o m e , I t o l d h e r , t h a t s h e h a d t a k e n a l o t o f p r i d e i n h e r i n d e p e n d e n c e . ' Y o u ' v e b e e n a v e r y successful p e r son, a n d I t h i n k you n e e d e d t h a t p r i d e for y o u r m a n y a c c o m p l i s h m e n t s . B u t y o u k n o w , it's a j o u r n e y f r o m h e r e t o h e a v e n , a n d it's a g o o d r u l e o f j o u r n e y i n g t o travel l i g h t . I ' m n o t s u r e h o w successful y o u ' r e g o i n g t o b e i n g e t t i n g t o h e a v e n , c a r r y i n g a r o u n d all this p r i d e , " I said. ' Y o u s e e y o u r b l i n d n e s s as a c u r s e , a n d I d o n ' t b l a m e you. Conceivably, however, you m i g h t look at it as a blessing d e s i g n e d to relieve you of t h e no l o n g e r necessary b u r d e n o f y o u r p r i d e . E x c e p t f o r y o u r eyes, y o u ' r e i n p r e t t y g o o d h e a l t h . You've p r o b a b l y g o t at least a d o z e n m o r e years to live. It's u p t o y o u w h e t h e r y o u ' d r a t h e r live t h o s e y e a r s w i t h a c u r s e or a b l e s s i n g . " W h e t h e r s o m e o n e can m a k e the transition a n d learn to d i s c e r n a b l e s s i n g w h e r e o n c e t h e y o n l y saw a c u r s e s e e m s t o h a v e s o m e t h i n g t o d o w i t h w h e t h e r t h e y c a n view o l d a g e a s a t i m e o f p r e p a r a t i o n . P r e p a r a t i o n f o r w h a t ? Obviously, a n afterlife. In my b o o k In Heaven as on Earth, o n e of t h e m a j o r s u b j e c t s is that of purgatory, which I describe—I believe quite p r o p erly—as a very elegant, well-appointed psychiatric hospital with t h e m o s t m o d e r n t e c h n i q u e s f o r as-painless-as-possible l e a r n i n g . Nonetheless, I m a k e it indelibly clear that the a m o u n t of time w e m u s t s p e n d i n p u r g a t o r y , i f any, i s d i r e c t l y p r o p o r t i o n a l t o t h e effort w e h a v e m a d e t o a v o i d d e a l i n g w i t h t h e i m p o r t a n t iss u e s i n o u r lives ( i n c l u d i n g o u r S h a d o w a n d o u r o l d a g e ) a n d

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o u r f a i l u r e t o p r e p a r e for d e a t h . W h e t h e r i n a n afterlife o r o n earth, we m u s t do the work of p u r g a t o r y or r e m a i n forever in l i m b o , s e p a r a t e d f r o m G o d . W h y n o t g e t o n w i t h it? S o m e p e o p l e m a n a g e to get on with it m o r e courageously t h a n others. T h e elderly w o m a n I previously m e n t i o n e d rapidly began working through her turmoil. H e r depression of four y e a r s ' d u r a t i o n b e g a n t o lift b y o u r t h i r d s e s s i o n . B u t m o s t situa t i o n s d o n o t c h a n g e s o easily o r b e c o m e r e s o l v e d p e r m a n e n t l y . I n t h e s t r u g g l e t o face a g i n g a n d u l t i m a t e l y d e a t h , s o m e e v e n kill t h e m s e l v e s b e c a u s e t h e y d o n o t w a n t t o g o d e e p e r i n t o w h a t they perceive as the indignity of dying; m a n y c a n n o t b e a r to end u r e all t h e losses t h a t c o m e w i t h t h e s t r i p p i n g - a w a y p r o c e s s . T h e s t r i p p i n g away o f h e a l t h a n d p h y s i c a l agility i s n o t a s painful for m e , a n d I suspect for o t h e r s , as t h e psychological s t r i p p i n g away. T h e loss o f h e r o e s , m e n t o r s , a n d e v e n i n t e r e s t s c a n l e a v e u s f e e l i n g e m p t y . T h e s t r i p p i n g away o f i l l u s i o n s — h u n d r e d s o f t h e m — m a y b e all f o r t h e g o o d , b u t i t still h u r t s a n d m a y l e a v e m a n y d i s t r u s t f u l , cynical, a n d e m b i t t e r e d . I ' m n o t s u r e I will b e a s g r a c e f u l a s t h e b l i n d w o m a n I d e s c r i b e d . B u t I a m u t t e r l y c e r t a i n t h a t I will n o t b e a b l e t o d e a l d e c e n t l y w i t h m y a g i n g w i t h o u t r e l y i n g o n m y r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h G o d . It's n o t solely a m a t t e r o f faith i n a n afterlife t h a t i s m y t r u e h o m e , a n d faith t h a t a g i n g is a p r o c e s s of p r e p a r a t i o n for it. I n e e d s o m e t h i n g e v e n m o r e p e r s o n a l , i n c l u d i n g m y wife Lily a n d God, to c o m p l a i n to a b o u t t h e indignity of t h e stripping-away process. A n d I n e e d G o d u p o n occasion to answer in H e r peculiar way, s o m e t i m e s s e e m i n g l y t h r o u g h spirits a n d a n g e l s o f a s o r t , t o h e l p m e a l o n g . W h a t I've c o m e t o r e a l i z e i s t h a t t h e stripping-away process of old age is n o t partial. It is n o t j u s t physical; i t i s t o t a l . T h e reality i s t h a t G o d d o e s n ' t j u s t w a n t p a r t o f u s . G o d w a n t s all o f u s . T h e path of health and healing is the opposite from that of the denial of death. T h e best b o o k I have r e a d on the subject is Living Our Dying by J o s e p h S h a r p . He b e l i e v e s , as I d o , t h a t d e a t h i s n o t a t a k e r away o f m e a n i n g b u t a giver o f m e a n i n g . W h e t h e r w e a r e y o u n g o r o l d , a d e e p c o n s c i o u s n e s s o f d e a t h ultimately leads us on a p a t h to seeking m e a n i n g . P e o p l e may

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g r a b u p o n s o m e s i m p l i s t i c s e c o n d h a n d faith o u t o f fear, i n ord e r t o a v o i d t h i n k i n g a b o u t t h e i r d e a t h s . B u t w h i l e s u c h relig i o n s m a y k e e p u s w a r m f o r a bit, like h a n d - m e - d o w n c l o t h e s t h e y a r e j u s t t r a p p i n g s . A fully m a t u r e r e l i g i o n , h o w e v e r , b e g i n s w i t h a n active s t r u g g l e w i t h t h e m y s t e r y o f d e a t h a n d i n a p e r s o n a l s e a r c h f o r m e a n i n g i n its face. You c a n n o t let a n y o n e else d o t h e struggling for you. T h u s t h e saying " G o d has n o g r a n d c h i l d r e n . " You c a n n o t b e r e l a t e d t o G o d t h r o u g h y o u r p a r e n t s . You m u s t f i n d y o u r m e a n i n g a s a " c h i l d o f G o d " i n a d i r e c t r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h t h e cycle o f b i r t h , d e a t h , a n d r e b i r t h . I n h e r e n t in this is that we m u s t c o m e to t e r m s with t h e reality o f c h a n g e , w h i c h r e q u i r e s c o n t i n u a l a d j u s t m e n t s i n t h e way w e t h i n k a n d b e h a v e — a n d p a r t i c u l a r l y w h e n w e h a v e b e c o m e t h e m o s t c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h w h e r e w e a r e . A n d c h a n g e oft e n feels like d y i n g , like d e a t h . In The Road Less Traveled, I q u o t e d S e n e c a a s s a y i n g two t h o u s a n d y e a r s a g o , " T h r o u g h o u t t h e w h o l e o f life o n e m u s t c o n t i n u e t o l e a r n t o live, a n d w h a t will a m a z e y o u e v e n m o r e , t h r o u g h o u t life o n e m u s t l e a r n t o d i e . " A m o n g o t h e r t h i n g s this i n c l u d e s t h e f e a r s o m e l e a r n i n g o f h o w t o c o n s c i o u s l y give u p c o n t r o l o f o u r lives w h e n i t i s a p p r o p r i a t e to do s o — a n d ultimately h a n d ourselves over to God.

TRAVELING WITH GOD I have suggested m a n y reasons to grow in consciousness, b u t we c a n always ask m o r e r a d i c a l q u e s t i o n s . I f o n e r e a s o n i s t o f i n d m e a n i n g , what m e a n i n g are we seeking? We n e e d to b e c o m e c o n s c i o u s t o b e c o m e g o o d a n d save o u r s e l v e s f r o m evil, b u t why? W h y b e g o o d ? T h e m o r e w e c a n b e c o m e c o n s c i o u s , t h e m o r e w e will g r o w i n p o w e r a n d c o m p e t e n c e , b u t t o w h a t p u r p o s e ? G r a n t e d t h a t t h e w h o l e t h r u s t o f e v o l u t i o n i s i n t h e direction of consciousness, w h e r e are we evolving toward? N o t h i n g e v e r will r e m o v e all mystery. B u t I b e l i e v e a t l e a s t part of the answer to these questions can be found in the Latin d e r i v a t i o n o f t h e very w o r d " c o n s c i o u s , " con-scire, w h i c h literally m e a n s "to k n o w with." W h a t a s t r a n g e derivation! To k n o w

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with? T o k n o w w i t h w h a t ? I s u g g e s t t h a t t h e a n s w e r i s t o k n o w with G o d . I have said t h a t psychological disorders primarily have their r o o t in consciousness r a t h e r t h a n in o u r u n c o n s c i o u s , t h a t "nasty" m a t e r i a l i s c o n t a i n e d i n o u r u n c o n s c i o u s o n l y b e c a u s e o u r c o n s c i o u s m i n d refuses t o d e a l w i t h it. I f w e c a n d e a l w i t h this u n p l e a s a n t stuff, t h e n o u r u n c o n s c i o u s m i n d offers a n a b s o l u t e g a r d e n o f d e l i g h t s t h r o u g h w h i c h w e a r e c o n n e c t e d to G o d . In o t h e r words, I believe t h a t G o d reveals H e r self t o u s t h r o u g h o u r u n c o n s c i o u s i f w e a r e w i l l i n g t o b e o p e n t o i t a n d b e c o m e c o n s c i o u s o f its w i s d o m . In Gifts for the Journey, o n e of Sister M a r i l y n ' s " w i s d o m " s o n g s b e g i n s w i t h " W i s d o m is a spirit." Its r e f r a i n is " A n d I say: ask a n d y o u will r e c e i v e . S e e k a n d y o u will f i n d . K n o c k a n d i t will b e o p e n t o y o u . A n d I say: t h e L o r d will give y o u H i s m i n d , t h e L o r d will s h o w y o u t h e way, t h e L o r d will m a k e y o u h i s l i g h t . " T h e L o r d will a c t u a l l y give u s H i s m i n d . I f w e b e c o m e conscious e n o u g h , w e c a n actually b e g i n t o t h i n k with t h e m i n d of God. T h e development of consciousness is thus, a m o n g o t h e r t h i n g s , a p r o c e s s o f t h e c o n s c i o u s m i n d o p e n i n g itself t o t h e u n c o n s c i o u s in o r d e r to be c o n g r u e n t with t h e m i n d of God. W h e n we b e c o m e aware of a n e w truth, it is because we c o n s c i o u s l y re-cognize i t t o b e t r u e ; w e r e - k n o w t h a t w h i c h w e k n e w all a l o n g i n o u r u n c o n s c i o u s m i n d . W e c o m e t o k n o w t h e wisdom t h a t G o d shares with us. In The Road Less Traveled, I s u g g e s t e d t h a t G o d a c t u a l l y s p e a k s t o u s i n a w h o l e variety o f ways, a n d I g a v e s o m e e x a m p l e s . O n e i s t h r o u g h H e r "still, s m a l l v o i c e . " O f this still, s m a l l v o i c e I g a v e a n o t h e r e x a m p l e in Gifts for the Journey, w h e r e I t o l d o f a w o m a n i n h e r l a t e t h i r t i e s w h o h a d t r a v e l e d r e m a r k a b l y far o n t h e s p i r i t u a l j o u r n e y b u t was still d e e p l y e n g a g e d i n c o n f r o n t i n g h e r g e n e r a l fearfulness a n d lack of faith. A friend of m i n e , she r e c o u n t e d an experience she h a d h a d a few m o r n i n g s b e f o r e a s s h e was p u t t i n g o n h e r l i p s t i c k j u s t b e f o r e g o i n g o u t t h e d o o r t o w o r k . A "still, s m a l l v o i c e " ins i d e h e r h e a d said, " G o r u n n i n g . " S h e s h o o k h e r h e a d a s i f t o s h a k e away t h e v o i c e , b u t i t c a m e b a c k s t r o n g e r . " T h a t ' s r i d i c u l o u s , " s h e r e p l i e d , h a l f t o herself, h a l f t o t h e v o i c e . " I d o n ' t g o

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r u n n i n g in t h e m o r n i n g s . I only r u n in the evenings. Besides, I ' m o n m y way t o w o r k . " " N o n e t h e l e s s , go r u n n i n g now," t h e voice insisted, a n d as s h e t h o u g h t a b o u t it, s h e r e a l i z e d i t m a d e n o d i f f e r e n c e i f s h e g o t t o h e r office a t t e n t h a t m o r n i n g i n s t e a d o f n i n e . S o , i n o b e dience to t h e voice, she u n d r e s s e d a n d got into h e r j o g g i n g outfit. A f t e r s h e h a d r u n a m i l e a n d a h a l f i n a n e a r b y p a r k , s h e b e g a n f e e l i n g q u i t e a w k w a r d ; s h e was n o t e n j o y i n g i t a n d s h e d i d n ' t e v e n k n o w w h y s h e was r u n n i n g i n t h e f i r s t p l a c e . A t t h a t p o i n t t h e v o i c e s p o k e a g a i n . " C l o s e y o u r eyes," i t c o m m a n d e d . " T h a t ' s crazy," s h e c o u n t e r e d . ' Y o u d o n ' t c l o s e y o u r eyes w h e n y o u ' r e r u n n i n g . " Finally a g a i n i n o b e d i e n c e , s h e c l o s e d h e r eyes. A f t e r two s t r i d e s s h e o p e n e d t h e m i n p a n i c . B u t s h e was still o n t h e p a t h . T h e w o o d s h a d n ' t m o v e d a n d t h e sky h a d n ' t fallen. T h e v o i c e t o l d h e r t o c l o s e h e r eyes a g a i n . E v e n t u a l l y , s h e was a b l e t o t a k e u p t o t w e n t y s t r i d e s w i t h h e r eyes c l o s e d , n e v e r r u n n i n g off t h e p a t h o r i n t o t r o u b l e . A t w h i c h p o i n t t h e voice said, " T h a t ' s e n o u g h f o r today. You c a n g o h o m e n o w . " A s s h e f i n i s h e d t e l l i n g m e this story, m y f r i e n d ' s eyes f i l l e d with t e a r s . "To t h i n k , " s h e e x c l a i m e d w i t h joy, " t h a t t h e C r e a t o r of the whole universe would take t h e time out to go r u n n i n g with m e . " As my r u n n i n g friend's experience demonstrates, the Holy Spirit o f t e n s p e a k s t o u s w h e n w e least e x p e c t it. B u t S h e c a n b e h e a r d a n d o b e y e d o n l y w h e n H e r v o i c e falls u p o n a s o u l t h a t i s o p e n t o H e r a n d p r e p a r e d t o l i s t e n . A n d t h a t still d o e s n ' t m a k e it all easy or s i m p l e . I also s u g g e s t e d in The Road Less Traveled that G o d can reveal Herself to us t h r o u g h o u r d r e a m s . T h e y a r e gifts f r o m t h e u n c o n s c i o u s . B u t w e m a y n o t w a n t t o b e c o m e c o n s c i o u s o f o u r d r e a m s o r h a v e m u c h t a s t e f o r d i s c e r n i n g revelations. I myself h a d a d r e a m t h a t p r o v e d to be a r e v e l a t i o n . It was a r o u n d a t i m e i n m y life w h e n I was j u s t b e g i n n i n g t o l e a r n t h e real m e a n i n g of w h a t is involved in truly s u r r e n d e r i n g to G o d . The Road Less Traveled h a d j u s t b e e n a c c e p t e d f o r p u b l i c a t i o n a n d I felt I d e s e r v e d a v a c a t i o n , b u t I d i d n ' t w a n t to sit on a b e a c h s o m e p l a c e . S o I w e n t off f o r two w e e k s t o a c o n v e n t , m y

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first " r e t r e a t , " s o m e t h i n g I k n e w w o u l d be a totally d i f f e r e n t e x perience. I h a d a n u m b e r o f a g e n d a i t e m s f o r this r e t r e a t , b u t m y l a r g e s t i t e m was t o d e c i d e w h a t t o d o i f b y s o m e d i m c h a n c e The Road Less Traveled b e c a m e a p o p u l a r best-seller. S h o u l d I give up m y privacy a n d g o o u t o n t h e l e c t u r e c i r c u i t , o r s h o u l d I r e t i r e i n t o t h e w o o d s like J . D . S a l i n g e r a n d g e t a n u n l i s t e d p h o n e n u m b e r ? I d i d n ' t k n o w w h i c h way I w a n t e d t o g o . A n d I d i d n ' t k n o w w h i c h way G o d w a n t e d m e t o g o . T h e s t a k e s s e e m e d h i g h , s o a t t h e t o p o f m y a g e n d a was t h e h o p e t h a t i n t h e q u i e t n e s s o f the retreat a n d the holiness of the a t m o s p h e r e , I m i g h t get a revelation from G o d a b o u t h o w to deal with this d i l e m m a . I rec o u n t e d my e x p e r i e n c e in Further Along the Road Less Traveled. T h e d r e a m — a l t h o u g h initially o b s c u r e — w a s t o give m e a w h o l e n e w p e r s p e c t i v e o n life. I was a n o n l o o k e r i n a distinctly m i d d l e - c l a s s h o m e . I n t h i s two-car family t h e r e was a s e v e n t e e n - y e a r - o l d b o y w h o was t h e k i n d o f s o n e v e r y m o t h e r a n d f a t h e r w o u l d love t o h a v e . H e was p r e s i d e n t o f t h e s e n i o r class i n h i g h s c h o o l , h e was g o i n g t o b e v a l e d i c t o r i a n a t g r a d u a t i o n t i m e , h e was c a p t a i n o f t h e h i g h s c h o o l f o o t b a l l t e a m , h e was g o o d - l o o k i n g , h e w o r k e d h a r d after s c h o o l a t a p a r t - t i m e j o b , a n d i f all t h a t w a s n ' t e n o u g h , h e h a d a g i r l f r i e n d w h o was s w e e t a n d d e m u r e . Moreover, t h e boy h a d his driver's license, a n d was a n u n u s u a l l y r e s p o n s i b l e , m a t u r e d r i v e r f o r h i s age. O n l y his father w o u l d n ' t let h i m drive. Instead, t h e father insisted o n driving this boy w h e r e v e r h e h a d to go—football practice, j o b , dates, proms. A n d to a d d i n s u l t t o injury, t h e f a t h e r i n s i s t e d t h a t t h e b o y p a y h i m f i v e d o l l a r s a w e e k o u t o f h i s h a r d - e a r n e d afterschool e a r n i n g s for t h e privilege of b e i n g driven a r o u n d , w h i c h h e was q u i t e c a p a b l e o f d o i n g himself. I a w o k e f r o m t h i s d r e a m w i t h a s e n s e o f a b s o l u t e fury a n d o u t r a g e a t w h a t a n a u t o c r a t i c c r e e p t h e f a t h e r was. I d i d n ' t

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know what to m a k e of the dream. It didn't seem to m a k e any s e n s e a t all. B u t t h r e e days after I h a d w r i t t e n i t d o w n , w h e n I was r e r e a d i n g w h a t I h a d w r i t t e n , I n o t i c e d t h a t I h a d c a p i t a l i z e d t h e " F " i n "father." S o I said t o myself, ' Y o u d o n ' t h a p p e n to s u p p o s e t h a t t h e father in this d r e a m is G o d t h e Father, do you? A n d if that's t h e case, you d o n ' t s u p p o s e t h a t I m i g h t be that seventeen-year-old boy?" A n d t h e n I finally realized t h a t I h a d g o t t e n a r e v e l a t i o n . G o d was s a y i n g t o m e , "Hey, Scotty, y o u j u s t pay y o u r d u e s a n d leave t h e driving t o m e . " I t i s i n t e r e s t i n g t h a t I h a d always t h o u g h t o f G o d a s b e i n g t h e u l t i m a t e g o o d guy. Yet i n m y d r e a m I h a d cast H i m i n t h e r o l e o f a u t o c r a t i c , o v e r c o n t r o l l i n g villain, o r a t l e a s t I was r e s p o n d i n g t o H i m a s s u c h , w i t h fury a n d o u t r a g e a n d h a t r e d . T h e p r o b l e m , o f c o u r s e , was t h a t this w a s n ' t t h e r e v e l a t i o n I h a d h o p e d for. I t w a s n ' t w h a t I w a n t e d t o h e a r . I w a n t e d s o m e little bit o f a d v i c e f r o m G o d s u c h a s I m i g h t g e t f r o m m y lawyer o r acc o u n t a n t , which I w o u l d be free to a c c e p t or reject. I d i d n ' t w a n t a big r e v e l a t i o n , p a r t i c u l a r l y n o t o n e i n w h i c h G o d s a i d , "Leave t h e d r i v i n g t o m e . " M a n y y e a r s l a t e r I a m still t r y i n g t o live u p t o this r e v e l a t i o n , t o a b a n d o n myself t o G o d b y l e a r n i n g the s u r r e n d e r that welcomes His or H e r b e i n g in the driver's s e a t o f m y s t i l l - a d o l e s c e n t life.

CHAPTER

3

Learning and Growth

IF, AS I HAVE SAID OVER a n d a g a i n , we a r e n o t h e r e to n e c e s s a r i l y b e h a p p y , fulfilled, o r c o m f o r t a b l e all t h e t i m e , t h e n w h a t a r e w e h e r e for? W h a t i s t h e m e a n i n g o f life? I b e l i e v e t h e r e a s o n w e a r e h e r e i s t o l e a r n , w h i c h i s t o say, t o evolve. B y "evolve" I m e a n t o p r o g r e s s . W h e n p e o p l e l e a r n , they a r e in a position to pro-gress (move forward) as o p p o s e d to r e - g r e s s ( m o v e b a c k w a r d ) . A n d I defy y o u i n y o u r i m a g i n a t i o n to c o n s t r u c t a m o r e ideal e n v i r o n m e n t for h u m a n l e a r n i n g t h a n this life. It is a life filled w i t h vicissitudes, u n c e r t a i n l y , a n d h a r d l e s s o n s . I n o u r g l o o m i e r m o m e n t s , life m a y s e e m like s o m e s o r t o f a celestial b o o t c a m p . B u t i n B e n j a m i n F r a n k l i n ' s w o r d s , q u o t e d in The Road Less Traveled, " T h o s e t h i n g s t h a t h u r t , i n s t r u c t . " L e a r n i n g is a p r o c e s s i n e x t r i c a b l y i n t e r w o v e n w i t h t h i n k i n g a n d c o n s c i o u s n e s s . A n d like b o t h t h i n k i n g a n d c o n sciousness, the business of l e a r n i n g is n e i t h e r simple n o r entirely s t r a i g h t f o r w a r d . It, t o o , is filled w i t h mystery. M y p r i m a r y i d e n t i t y i s t h a t o f a scientist, a n d w e scientists are empiricists, w h o believe that the best r o u t e to knowledge is through experience. In o t h e r words, experience is d e e m e d the best way t o l e a r n , a l t h o u g h i t i s c l e a r l y n o t t h e o n l y r o u t e . S o w e scientists c o n d u c t e x p e r i m e n t s , o r c o n t r o l l e d e x p e r i e n c e s , t o gain n e w k n o w l e d g e a n d f i n d t r u t h i n t h e w o r l d . By t h e s a m e t o k e n , I am a spiritual p e r s o n . I k n o w of G o d n o t only b e c a u s e o f faith, b u t a l s o o n t h e b a s i s o f e v i d e n c e ,

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n a m e l y m y e x p e r i e n c e s o f g r a c e . I g a v e e x a m p l e s o f t h e s e exp e r i e n c e s in The Road Less Traveled a n d In Search of Stones. A n d I have previously talked a b o u t grace as m u c h as possible in terms o f statistical m e t h o d s o f p r o o f . O n e o f t h e m o s t u s e f u l ways t o e s t a b l i s h s o m e t h i n g scientifically i s t o a p p l y w h a t a r e c a l l e d t h e statistics o f i m p r o b a b i l i t y . T h a t m e a n s t h a t t h e l o w e r t h e m a t h ematically calculated probability, t h e g r e a t e r t h e improbability, a n d t h e safer w e feel c o n c l u d i n g t h a t a n e v e n t was n o t t h e r e s u l t o f c h a n c e a l o n e . T h u s , w e may c o n c l u d e t h a t s o m e t h i n g occ u r r e d b e c a u s e of a significant reason, even if it m a y or may n o t be explainable. T h a t is why I have c o m m o n l y s p o k e n a b o u t grace in terms of a " p a t t e r n of h i g h l y i m p r o b a b l e e v e n t s w i t h a b e n e f i c i a l o u t c o m e . " It is also why I have c o n c l u d e d t h a t in s u c h p a t t e r n s we can see the fingerprints—if n o t the actual h a n d — o f God. So I a m v e r y m u c h like C a r l J u n g w h o , t o w a r d t h e e n d o f h i s life, was i n t e r v i e w e d o n f i l m . T h e c l i m a x o f t h a t f i l m , f o r m e , c a m e a t its conclusion w h e n t h e interviewer asked J u n g , "Do you believe in G o d ? " J u n g , w h o was a b o u t e i g h t y - t h r e e a t t h e t i m e , p u f f e d o n h i s p i p e a n d r e p l i e d , i f I r e m e m b e r c o r r e c t l y , "Believe i n G o d ? We use the word 'believe' w h e n we think of s o m e t h i n g as true b u t f o r w h i c h w e d o n o t yet h a v e a s u b s t a n t i a l b o d y o f e v i d e n c e . N o , n o , I d o n ' t b e l i e v e in G o d . I know t h e r e is a G o d . "

THE ROLE OF THE SOUL M y a s s e r t i o n t h a t this w o r l d i s a n i d e a l e n v i r o n m e n t f o r h u m a n l e a r n i n g s u g g e s t s t h e possibility t h a t i t m i g h t h a v e b e e n c o n structed by G o d for that p u r p o s e , which immediately brings us to a d i s c u s s i o n a b o u t t h e n o t i o n of t h e s o u l . In People of the Lie, I q u o t e d K e a t s a s r e f e r r i n g t o this w o r l d a s " t h e vale o f s o u l - m a k ing," which m e a n s we're h e r e t o learn a n d b e p r e p a r e d . This belief is o n e that Christianity a n d o t h e r religions have in comm o n with r e i n c a r n a t i o n theory, which suggests t h a t w e ' r e h e r e to get rid of "bad k a r m a " a n d to learn lessons that are necessary

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s o t h a t w e c a n e v e n t u a l l y m a k e t h e t r a n s i t i o n b e y o n d this w o r l d of rebirth. Given that we're h e r e to continually learn on t h e j o u r n e y o f life, i t s e e m s t h a t t h e u l t i m a t e g o a l o f l e a r n i n g i s t h e p e r f e c tion of o u r souls. To p r o p o s e t h e idea of b e c o m i n g p e r f e c t e d is n o t t h e s a m e as saying t h a t we h u m a n s can be perfect, or t h a t w e s h o u l d try t o b e p e r f e c t i n e v e r y t h i n g . I t o n l y m e a n s t h a t w e are capable of learning, changing, a n d growing t h r o u g h o u t the s p a n o f o u r e a r t h l y life. I c a n n o t prove the existence of t h e soul, any m o r e t h a n I c a n p r o v e t h e e x i s t e n c e o f G o d t o a d i e h a r d s e c u l a r i s t . I c a n offer m a n y h i n t s t h a t s u g g e s t its e x i s t e n c e , a n d h a v e d o n e s o i n all of my books. But that doesn't m e a n that everyone is o p e n to the s a m e sort of evidence t h a t i m p r e s s e d J u n g or led Keats to his c o n c l u s i o n . T h u s m y latest b o o k , o n t h e subject o f e u t h a n a s i a , is e n t i t l e d Denial of the Soul. A n d I w o u l d n o t h a v e u s e d t h e w o r d "denial" unless I h a d t h e sense that m a n y secularists a r e n o t only i g n o r a n t of the evidence of the existence of the soul but, f o r o n e r e a s o n o r a n o t h e r , a r e s t r o n g l y i m m u n e o r c l o s e d t o it. B u t w h a t i s t h e soul? O n c e a g a i n , w e f i n d o u r s e l v e s involved with s o m e t h i n g t h a t is actually m u c h larger t h a n we are, a n d therefore c a n n o t be s u b m i t t e d to any single, a d e q u a t e , or simplistic definition. T h a t d o e s n ' t m e a n , however, t h a t w e c a n ' t use an operating definition, imperfect t h o u g h it m i g h t be. I believe s u c h a d e f i n i t i o n c a n a t t h e v e r y l e a s t facilitate o u r p r o g ress i n l o o k i n g a t t h e e q u a l l y m y s t e r i o u s s u b j e c t o f l e a r n i n g . I define t h e soul as "a God-created, G o d - n u r t u r e d , u n i q u e , d e v e l o p a b l e , i m m o r t a l h u m a n spirit." E a c h o f t h e s e m o d i f i e r s is crucial, b u t for t h e m o m e n t let me focus u p o n t h r e e . I have a l r e a d y s u g g e s t e d t h a t this w o r l d i s s u c h a n i d e a l e n v i r o n m e n t for h u m a n l e a r n i n g t h a t it has actually b e e n d e s i g n e d for t h a t p u r p o s e . N o w I a m s a y i n g t h a t w e a r e c r e a t e d b y G o d , a n d furt h e r suggest that we are created to learn. By " G o d - n u r t u r e d " I m e a n that n o t only did G o d create us from the m o m e n t of o u r c o n c e p t i o n b u t also t h a t G o d , t h r o u g h g r a c e , c o n t i n u e s t o n u r t u r e u s t h r o u g h o u t o u r lives. T h e r e w o u l d b e n o p u r p o s e i n

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H e r d o i n g s o unless She w a n t e d s o m e t h i n g from us. W h a t d o e s She want? She wants us to l e a r n — a n d m o s t of grace seems to be devoted to that end. T h e o t h e r key w o r d f o r t h e m o m e n t i s " d e v e l o p a b l e . " T h e r e would be no point in God's wanting us to learn unless we could l e a r n , u n l e s s w e w e r e c a p a b l e o f d e v e l o p m e n t . W e a r e evolving creatures, n o t only as an e n t i r e race b u t as individuals. As physical beings, we have b o d i e s t h a t stop d e v e l o p i n g a n d i n e v i t a b l y decay. B u t o u r p s y c h o s p i r i t u a l d e v e l o p m e n t c a n c o n t i n u e u n t i l t h e m o m e n t w e d i e ( a n d , I s u s p e c t , l o n g , l o n g afterw a r d ) . F o r this p s y c h o s p i r i t u a l d e v e l o p m e n t , I will f r e q u e n t l y use t h e word "growth," a n d growth is inextricably d e p e n d e n t u p o n learning. I have r e p e a t e d l y said that we have a c h o i c e of w h e t h e r to grow or not, w h e t h e r to learn or n o t to learn. O n e of the greatest p s y c h o l o g i s t s o f this c e n t u r y , A b r a h a m Maslow, c o i n e d t h e t e r m "self-actualization," b y w h i c h h e m e a n t h u m a n b e i n g s ' cap a c i t y t o g r o w a n d evolve i n t o h i g h e r levels o f p s y c h o s o c i a l a n d spiritual functioning, autonomy, a n d p e r s o n a l power. O n c e p e o p l e h a v e a c h i e v e d t h e m e a n s t o m e e t b a s i c n e e d s o f survival, t h e y c a n m o v e o n t o h i g h e r levels o f a w a r e n e s s , M a s l o w suggested. M u c h a s I a m i n d e b t e d t o Maslow, I t a k e i s s u e w i t h t h e t e r m "self-actualization." I d o n o t b e l i e v e t h a t w e c a n a c t u a l i z e ourselves any m o r e t h a n we can create ourselves. I can no m o r e c r e a t e myself t h a n I c a n a n iris o r a n o t h e r flower. W h a t I c a n d o is steward t h e flower g a r d e n that G o d h a s m a d e it possible for u s t o enjoy. W h a t this m e a n s i s t h a t w h i l e w e c a n n o t c r e a t e o u r o w n s o u l s , w e c a n s t e w a r d t h e m well o r badly. I n t h e c h o i c e w e m a k e t o grow, w e c a n b e c o m e c o c r e a t o r s o f o u r s e l v e s , w h e r e a s w h e n e v e r w e resist g r o w t h , w e a r e r e j e c t i n g t h e r o l e o f b e i n g cocreator with G o d . T h e r e f o r e , I b e l i e v e t h a t w h a t M a s l o w c a l l e d self-actualizat i o n s h o u l d b e v i e w e d i n s t e a d a s p e r c e i v i n g life a s a s e r i e s o f o p p o r t u n i t i e s for l e a r n i n g a n d m a k i n g choices, a n d o p t i n g t o c h o o s e g r o w t h m o s t o f t h e t i m e . Typically, t h e h a r d w o r k o f

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cocreating (or coactualizing) ourselves with G o d ' s g u i d a n c e is an ongoing process of unfolding, development, and blooming. But the deliberate choice to learn a n d grow is primarily o n e t h a t w e m a k e o r fail t o m a k e a s a d u l t s . D u r i n g o u r c h i l d h o o d , m o s t o f o u r l e a r n i n g i s "passive." I n o t h e r w o r d s , f o r t h e m o s t part it just happens.

PASSIVE LEARNING Scientists d o n o t fully u n d e r s t a n d h o w w e l e a r n , a n y m o r e t h a n t h e y fully u n d e r s t a n d t h i n k i n g o r c o n s c i o u s n e s s . B a c k w h e n I was a p s y c h o l o g y m a j o r in c o l l e g e , we h a d to s t u d y a v e r y i m p o r t a n t ( a n d f o r m e , s o m e w h a t difficult) s u b j e c t , l e a r n i n g t h e ory. A t t h a t t i m e , m o s t o f l e a r n i n g t h e o r y h a d t o d o w i t h t h e process of conditioning, which h a d b e e n recognized a n d studi e d b y Pavlov w i t h h i s e x p e r i m e n t a l d o g s . I t was t h o u g h t t h a t w e l e a r n e d primarily t h r o u g h reward a n d p u n i s h m e n t , j u s t as rats may be t a u g h t to r u n a m a z e by e i t h e r p u n i s h m e n t (electric shocks) or reward (food pellets). I t was f u r t h e r a s s u m e d t h a t t h e way c h i l d r e n l e a r n e d l a n g u a g e was t h r o u g h this " b e h a v i o r i s t " p r o c e s s o f c o n d i t i o n i n g . B u t t h e n t h e g r e a t t h i n k e r A r t h u r Koestler, i n his b o o k The Ghost in the Machine, totally d e m o l i s h e d t h e b e h a v i o r i s t t h e o r y of h o w we learn l a n g u a g e , asking d o z e n s of questions a b o u t lang u a g e a c q u i s i t i o n t h a t b e h a v i o r i s m i n n o way c o u l d a n s w e r . K o e s t l e r h i m s e l f m a d e little a t t e m p t t o e x p l a i n h o w w e l e a r n language, but he did prove that we know hardly anything about t h e s u b j e c t . T o this day, h o w c h i l d r e n l e a r n t o s p e a k t h e i r l a n g u a g e r e m a i n s m o s t l y a mystery. O n e fact w e d o k n o w i s t h a t o n e ' s ability t o l e a r n i s n o t n e c e s s a r i l y fully d e p e n d e n t o n h a v i n g all o f o n e ' s f i v e s e n s e s active. H e l e n Keller, f o r e x a m p l e , was d e a f a n d b l i n d , y e t l e a r n e d n o t o n l y l a n g u a g e b u t also a s t o n i s h i n g w i s d o m . O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , w e h a v e l e a r n e d t h a t d e p r i v a t i o n o f s e n s o r y n e e d s c a n severely i n t e r f e r e w i t h a c h i l d ' s l e a r n i n g . I n f a n t s r a i s e d w i t h o u t

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m e a n i n g f u l h u m a n c o n t a c t or play in a G e r m a n o r p h a n a g e in t h e 1920s t a u g h t u s t h a t w e n e e d a c e r t a i n f o u n d a t i o n o f s e n s o r y r e l a t i o n s w i t h o t h e r s ( t h r o u g h t o u c h w e feel c o n n e c t e d , for e x a m p l e ) t o t h r i v e physically o r a c h i e v e a n y m e n t a l g r o w t h w h a t s o e v e r . F u r t h e r m o r e , t h e r e a r e critical p e r i o d s i n children's development, w h e n deprivation or neglect of some areas of n e e d can limit their a d v a n c e m e n t if no a p p r o p r i a t e intervention takes place. That's why H e a d Start p r o g r a m s work so well. A s p a r t o f c h i l d r e n ' s e a r l y l e a r n i n g , s u c h p r o g r a m s p r o v i d e c o n s i s t e n t s t i m u l a t i o n t o h e l p d e v e l o p t h e social a n d m e n tal c o m p e t e n c e o f c h i l d r e n . B u t like t h e l e a r n i n g o f l a n g u a g e , m o s t l e a r n i n g i n c h i l d h o o d s e e m s t o b e a fairly passive affair. F o r i n s t a n c e , e v e n b e f o r e c h i l d r e n l e a r n l a n g u a g e , t h e y l e a r n w h a t p s y c h o l o g i s t s call their e g o b o u n d a r i e s . T h e r e is r e a s o n to believe that t h e newb o r n infant c a n n o t distinguish himself from the world. But s o m e h o w , d u r i n g t h e first n i n e m o n t h s o f life, t h e c h i l d l e a r n s t h a t his a r m is his a n d t h a t it is different from M o m m y ' s a r m , a n d his f i n g e r s a r e distinguishable from Daddy's f i n g e r s . H e learns that when he has a stomachache, that doesn't m e a n the whole world must have a stomachache, too. Such learning does n o t s e e m t o b e a m a t t e r o f c h o i c e , w h i c h i s w h y I call i t passive. B u t t h e r e m a y b e a g o o d d e a l o f activity i n v o l v e d a s t h e inf a n t tries o u t its a r m s a n d f i n g e r s . I n a v e r y r e a l s e n s e , t h i s l e a r n ing of ego b o u n d a r i e s is a d e v e l o p m e n t of consciousness, because i t i s b y t h e a g e o f a b o u t n i n e m o n t h s t h a t w e s e e t h e f i r s t evid e n c e of self-consciousness. Up until t h a t time, w h e n a s t r a n g e r c o m e s i n t o t h e r o o m , t h e i n f a n t will lie i n its c r i b p e a c e f u l l y exp l o r i n g its e g o b o u n d a r i e s a s i f n o t h i n g h a d h a p p e n e d . B u t suddenly, a r o u n d n i n e m o n t h s of age, w h e n a stranger comes i n t o its r o o m , t h e c h i l d will s t a r t s c r e a m i n g i n t e r r o r o r o t h e r wise b e c o m e a g i t a t e d . I t h a s d e v e l o p e d w h a t p s y c h o l o g i s t s call s t r a n g e r anxiety. W h y ? W e c a n d e d u c e f r o m this t h a t t h e c h i l d h a s n o w b e c o m e a w a r e of itself as a separate entity, o n e t h a t is terribly s m a l l , relatively h e l p l e s s , a n d e x t r e m e l y v u l n e r a b l e . F r o m this d e m o n s t r a t i o n o f t h e t e r r o r o f v u l n e r a b i l i t y , w e c a n d e d u c e t h a t t h e c h i l d h a s d e v e l o p e d t h e f i r s t r u d i m e n t s o f self-

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c o n s c i o u s n e s s . O n e ' s a w a r e n e s s of self is a c c o m p a n i e d by a s e n s e o f reality t h a t allows u s t o p e r c e i v e o u r s e l v e s a s s e p a r a t e a n d different from others. T h e passive l e a r n i n g o f l a n g u a g e a n d e g o b o u n d a r i e s s e e m s t o b e a p a i n l e s s s o r t o f affair. T h i s d o e s n o t m e a n t h a t all passive l e a r n i n g i s s o p a i n l e s s . P e r h a p s n o t i m e i s m o r e p a i n f u l i n t h e life o f a y o u n g h u m a n b e i n g t h a n t h e t e r r i b l e twos. B y t h e t i m e a c h i l d c o m p l e t e s its s e c o n d year, h e h a s l e a r n e d h i s e g o b o u n d a r i e s v e r y well. B u t h e h a s n o t y e t l e a r n e d t h e b o u n d aries o f h i s p o w e r . C o n s e q u e n t l y , t h e c h i l d a s s u m e s t h a t this i s t h e b e s t o f all p o s s i b l e w o r l d s a n d t h a t h e h a s all t h e p o w e r . T h u s , y o u will s e e a c h i l d j u s t s h o r t o f two b o s s i n g a r o u n d h i s p a r e n t s , h i s s i b l i n g s , a n d t h e family d o g a n d c a t a s i f t h e y w e r e all little m i n i o n s i n h i s o w n p r i v a t e r o y a l a r m y . B u t t h e n w h a t h a p p e n s , n o w t h a t h e i s a b l e t o walk a n d t h r o w t h i n g s a n d p u l l t h e b o o k s off t h e s h e l v e s , i s t h a t h i s m o t h e r a n d f a t h e r will say, "No. No. No, you can't do that, Johnny. No. No, you can't do t h a t e i t h e r . N o , y o u ' r e n o t t h e b o s s . N o . N o . W e love y o u v e r y m u c h . Y o u ' r e very i m p o r t a n t . But n o , y o u ' r e n o t t h e boss. M o m m y a n d D a d d y are t h e bosses. N o . N o . N o . " W h a t essentially h a p p e n s i s t h a t i n t h e c o u r s e o f n o m o r e t h a n twelve m o n t h s o r s o t h e c h i l d i s p s y c h o l o g i c a l l y d e m o t e d f r o m a f o u r - s t a r g e n e r a l to a p r i v a t e . No w o n d e r it is a t i m e of d e p r e s s i o n a n d t e m p e r t a n t r u m s ! Yet p a i n f u l t h o u g h t h e t e r r i b l e twos a r e , t h e y a r e a v e r y i m p o r t a n t p e r i o d o f l e a r n i n g . A n d if t h e child is n o t b u r d e n e d with an excess of h u m i l i a t i o n by t h e e n d o f h i s t h i r d year, h e will h a v e t a k e n h i s f i r s t g i a n t s t e p o u t o f "infantile narcissism." It is a t i m e t h a t has laid t h e e n t i r e found a t i o n for w h a t E r i c h F r o m m called socialization, w h i c h h e def i n e d i t a s t h e p r o c e s s o f " l e a r n i n g t o like t o d o w h a t y o u h a v e to do." A s c h i l d h o o d c o n t i n u e s , t h e c h i l d m a y w o r k i n c e r t a i n ways at learning, b u t generally only because of outside pressure in t h e f o r m o f h o m e w o r k a s s i g n m e n t s , tests, g r a d e s , a n d e x p e c t a tions at h o m e . Otherwise, most of a child's l e a r n i n g c o n t i n u e s to be passive. An e x a m p l e of this is J e n n y , my eight-year-old h e r o i n e in The Friendly Snowflake. S h e lives in a h e a l t h y family,

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a n d h e r left a n d r i g h t b r a i n s o p e r a t e i n sync; o n e c a n s e e h e r l e a r n i n g like crazy. B u t s h e i s n o t w o r k i n g a t it. S h e i s n o t d e l i b erately i n t e r p r e t i n g things. She is j u s t d o i n g what c o m e s naturally, t h i n k i n g away a m i l e a m i n u t e . Perhaps the most important learning of childhood is that w h i c h c o m e s f r o m o u r r o l e m o d e l s . I n a n i n t a c t family, t h e p r i m a r y r o l e m o d e l s will a u t o m a t i c a l l y b e t h e p a r e n t s . T h e c h i l d h a s a n a t u r a l t e n d e n c y t o a s s u m e t h a t t h e way p a r e n t s d o t h i n g s i s t h e way t h e y s h o u l d b e d o n e . T h i s i s p a r t i c u l a r l y t r u e i n t h e m a t t e r o f self-discipline. I f t h e c h i l d sees h e r p a r e n t s b e h a v i n g w i t h self-discipline, s h e will b e likely a t a n e a r l y a g e t o simply, u n c o n s c i o u s l y c h o o s e t o b e c o m e s e l f - d i s c i p l i n e d herself. O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , if t h e m o t h e r a n d father b e h a v e with a lack of self-discipline, t h e c h i l d will t h i n k t h a t this i s t h e way t o b e h a v e a n d will likely fail t o l e a r n t o d e v e l o p s i g n i f i c a n t self-discipline. T h a t i s p a r t i c u l a r l y t h e case i f h e o r s h e h a s " D o a s I say, n o t a s I d o " p a r e n t s . A l t h o u g h i t i s passive, l e a r n i n g d u r i n g c h i l d h o o d i s e x t r e m e l y i m p o r t a n t . I t i s also t h e t i m e w h e n , i f w e a r e f o r t u n a t e , w e will b e g i n t o g a i n e m o t i o n a l a s well a s i n t e l l e c t u a l intelligence. M a n y h a v e steadfastly b o u g h t i n t o t h e n o t i o n t h a t intellig e n c e can only be g a u g e d by n u m e r i c a l measures. T h a t is perh a p s t r u e of analytical intelligence. B u t as a result, o t h e r aspects of intelligence have t e n d e d to be overlooked or downplayed, p a r t i c u l a r l y t h o s e i n v o l v i n g i n t a n g i b l e f a c t o r s s u c h a s selfa w a r e n e s s , e m p a t h y , a n d social c o n s c i o u s n e s s . T h e r e i s n o w g r o w i n g d e b a t e o v e r t h e l o n g - s t a n d i n g tests u s e d t o d e t e r m i n e t h e so-called i n t e l l i g e n c e q u o t i e n t . A l t h o u g h I Q tests a r e h e l p ful a n d h a v e p o s i t i v e a s p e c t s , t h e y also h a v e l i m i t a t i o n s . O n e p r o b l e m is their t e n d e n c y to be culturally biased, which has resulted in m a n y students b e i n g academically mislabeled a n d has l e d t o t h e m i s a p p l i c a t i o n o f s o m e s t a n d a r d i z e d tests. Thus, I find quite promising some new research suggesting that h o w s o m e o n e h a n d l e s e m o t i o n s is as a c c u r a t e — a n d imp o r t a n t — a n indication of h u m a n intelligence as intellectual skills. T h e skills t h a t m a k e u p e m o t i o n a l i n t e l l i g e n c e a r e c o m plex a n d multifaceted. O n e example of emotional intelligence

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c i t e d in this r e s e a r c h is t h e ability to d e l a y g r a t i f i c a t i o n , w h i c h I myself w r o t e a b o u t in The Road Less Traveled. T h e r e I d e s c r i b e d i t a s a p r o c e s s o f s c h e d u l i n g t h e p a i n a n d p l e a s u r e o f life i n s u c h a way a s t o e n h a n c e t h e p l e a s u r e b y m e e t i n g a n d e x p e r i e n c i n g t h e p a i n first a n d getting it over with. Time m a g a z i n e d e v o t e d a l e n g t h y a r t i c l e t o this m o s t r e c e n t r e s e a r c h . N o t surprisingly, t h e r e s e a r c h also f o u n d t h a t a c o r nerstone of emotional intelligence, on which most other emot i o n a l skills d e p e n d , i s a s e n s e o f self-awareness. F o r e x a m p l e , i n r e l a t i o n t o self-awareness, p s y c h o l o g i s t s r e f e r t o t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f " m e t a m o o d , " o r t h e ability t o p u l l b a c k a n d r e c o g n i z e w h a t o n e i s f e e l i n g — w h e t h e r t h e e m o t i o n i s a n g e r , s h a m e , o r sorrow—before taking action. This is equivalent to w h a t I described in the previous chapter as having an observing a n d transcendent ego. Once an emotional response comes into awareness, the chances of h a n d l i n g it appropriately improve if o n e i s e m o t i o n a l l y a s t u t e . T h e self-awareness t h a t a c c o m p a n i e s s u c h i n t e l l i g e n c e i s m o s t c r u c i a l o f all, b e c a u s e i t i s t h e v e r y t h i n g t h a t allows u s t o e x e r c i s e m o r e s e l f - c o n t r o l . T h e impediments to developing emotional intelligence a r e f o r m i d a b l e i n a c u l t u r e t h a t e m p h a s i z e s left-brain ( i n t e l l e c tual) over right-brain (intuitive) r e a s o n i n g . It is no w o n d e r t h a t we find the beginnings of emotional numbness in childhood, w h e n c h i l d r e n l e a r n t o r e p r e s s f e e l i n g s o r s h u t off c o m p l e t e l y . Adults w h o are u n c o m f o r t a b l e with e m o t i o n s may constantly criticize c h i l d r e n a b o u t f e e l i n g s o r s c o l d t h e m t o " n o t feel t h a t way," r e s u l t i n g i n t h e r e p r e s s i o n o f e m o t i o n a l a w a r e n e s s . An inability to h a n d l e frustration or r e c o g n i z e distressing feelings has led m a n y c h i l d r e n on t h e p a t h of destructive behavior—including eating disorders a n d bullying or o t h e r antisocial b e h a v i o r — b e c a u s e t h e y l a c k e d g u i d a n c e f r o m m a t u r e adults a b o u t m a n a g i n g their e m o t i o n s . I believe it w o u l d be m o r e helpful if teachers a n d parents b e g a n teaching children t h a t i t i s o k a y t o feel h o w t h e y feel. ( T h i s d o e s n o t m e a n child r e n c a n — o r s h o u l d — a c t o n e v e r y t h i n g t h e y t h i n k a n d feel.) Vital t h o u g h t h e passive l e a r n i n g o f c h i l d h o o d i s — b o t h e m o t i o n a l l y a n d i n t e l l e c t u a l l y — t h e active l e a r n i n g o f a d u l t -

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h o o d , i f i t o c c u r s a t all, i s u l t i m a t e l y e v e n m o r e i m p o r t a n t . A m o n g s o m e psychologists, t h e r e has b e e n a t e n d e n c y to t h i n k that b y a d o l e s c e n c e "the d a m a g e has b e e n d o n e " a n d that, for b e t t e r or f o r ill, t h e p e r s o n a l i t y is set. W h i l e this is q u i t e freq u e n t l y t h e c a s e , i t i s n o t n e c e s s a r i l y s o . A n d , i f w e h a v e t h e will, i t i s i n t h e last 7 5 p e r c e n t o f o u r lives t h a t w e c a n m a k e t h e greatest changes a n d leaps of growth. A m o n g other things it is p o s s i b l e t h a t , a s J o n a t h a n Swift said, " t h e l a t t e r p a r t o f a m a n ' s life i s t a k e n u p i n c u r i n g all o f t h e follies, p r e j u d i c e s a n d false o p i n i o n s h e h a s c o n t r a c t e d i n t h e f o r m e r p a r t . " T h e active l e a r n i n g o f a d u l t h o o d i s n o t o n l y p o s s i b l e b u t infinitely desirable.

GROWTH AND WILL I n s o m e ways w e u n d e r s t a n d m u c h m o r e clearly h o w p e o p l e c a n l e a r n i n a d u l t h o o d b y active, d e l i b e r a t e c h o i c e . W h a t w e d o n o t u n d e r s t a n d i s why. W e a r e n o w c o n f r o n t e d w i t h t h e e x t r a o r d i n a r y m y s t e r y o f t h e h u m a n will. A s I h a v e w r i t t e n , c e r t a i n p e o p l e (for i n s t a n c e , all t h e m e m b e r s o f m y i m m e d i a t e family) s e e m t o h a v e b e e n b o r n w i t h a s t r o n g will w h i l e o t h e r s s e e m t o b e relatively weak-willed. T h e s u b j e c t , h o w e v e r , h a s n e v e r b e e n s t u d i e d scientifically. W e d o n o t actually k n o w w h e t h e r t h e r e are differences i n t h e s t r e n g t h o f will o r w h e t h e r t h e y a r e g e n e t i c o r t o w h a t e x t e n t t h e y a r e d e veloped or learned. It is an extremely mysterious matter a n d r e p r e s e n t s a w i d e - o p e n f r o n t i e r for p s y c h o l o g i c a l r e s e a r c h . In a n y c a s e , I b e l i e v e t h a t a s t r o n g will is o n e of t h e two greatest blessings that can be bestowed u p o n a h u m a n being. I b e l i e v e this n o t b e c a u s e a s t r o n g will n e c e s s a r i l y g u a r a n t e e s success—it m a y b a c k f i r e a n d c r e a t e a H i t l e r , f o r e x a m p l e — b u t b e c a u s e a w e a k will p r e t t y m u c h g u a r a n t e e s f a i l u r e . F o r i n s t a n c e , i t i s s t r o n g - w i l l e d p e o p l e — t h o s e w i t h t h e m y s t e r i o u s will t o g r o w — w h o d o well i n p s y c h o t h e r a p y n o m a t t e r w h a t t h e i r c h i l d h o o d o r b a c k g r o u n d was like, n o m a t t e r w h a t t h e o d d s .

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O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , o t h e r p e o p l e w h o s e e m t o l a c k this m y s t e r i o u s will t o g r o w m a y p o s s e s s all m a n n e r o f a s s e t s — g r e a t i d e a s a n d t a l e n t s — a n d y e t sit o n t h e i r duffs, g e t t i n g n o p l a c e . Still, a s I c o n t i n u a l l y p o i n t o u t , all b l e s s i n g s a r e p o t e n t i a l c u r s e s , a n d o n e d o w n s i d e of a s t r o n g will is a b a d t e m p e r . It is s t r o n g - w i l l e d p e o p l e w h o w r a p golf c l u b s a r o u n d t r e e s b e c a u s e t h a t d a m n little b a l l w o n ' t g o w h e r e t h e y want i t t o g o . S t r o n g - w i l l e d p e o p l e h a v e a l o t o f l e a r n i n g t o d o t o effectively m a n a g e t h e i r a n g e r . In Further Along the Road Less Traveled, I w r o t e t h a t I u s e d to e x p l a i n to my p a t i e n t s t h a t h a v i n g a w e a k will is like h a v i n g a little d o n k e y i n y o u r b a c k y a r d . I t c a n ' t h u r t y o u v e r y m u c h ; a b o u t the worst it can do is c h o m p on y o u r tulips. But it c a n ' t h e l p you t h a t m u c h e i t h e r , a n d y o u c o u l d e n d u p w i t h a life o f r e g r e t s f o r n o t doing things you t h o u g h t you should do. Having a strong will, o n t h e o t h e r h a n d , i s like h a v i n g a d o z e n C l y d e s d a l e s i n y o u r b a c k y a r d . T h o s e h o r s e s a r e massive a n d e x t r e m e l y s t r o n g , a n d if they are n o t properly trained, disciplined, a n d harn e s s e d , t h e y will k n o c k y o u r h o u s e d o w n . O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , i f they are p r o p e r l y trained, disciplined, a n d harnessed, t h e n with t h e m y o u c a n literally m o v e m o u n t a i n s . T h u s t h e d i s t i n c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e h a r n e s s e d a n d u n h a r n e s s e d will i s i m p o r t a n t . B u t t o w h a t i s t h e will t o b e h a r n e s s e d ? Y o u r will c a n n o t b e h a r n e s s e d s i m p l y t o yourself. I t h a s t o b e h a r n e s s e d t o a p o w e r h i g h e r t h a n yourself. In h i s b o o k Will and Spirit, t h e first c h a p t e r of w h i c h is e n t i t l e d " W i l l i n g n e s s a n d Willfulness," G e r a l d M a y w r i t e s t h a t willf u l n e s s c h a r a c t e r i z e s t h e u n h a r n e s s e d h u m a n will, w h e r e a s w i l l i n g n e s s i d e n t i f i e s t h e s t r o n g will o f a p e r s o n w h o i s willing t o go w h e r e he or she is called or led by a h i g h e r power. Furtherm o r e , given t h e relationship b e t w e e n willingness a n d a h i g h e r p o w e r , it is no c o i n c i d e n c e t h a t I w r o t e in The Road Less Traveled t h a t t h e will t o g r o w i s i n e s s e n c e t h e s a m e p h e n o m e n o n a s love. I d e f i n e d love a s t h e will t o e x t e n d o n e s e l f f o r o n e ' s o w n spiritual growth or a n o t h e r ' s . G e n u i n e l y loving p e o p l e are, by d e f i n i t i o n , g r o w i n g p e o p l e . I h a v e s p o k e n a b o u t h o w t h e cap a c i t y t o love i s n u r t u r e d i n o n e b y l o v i n g p a r e n t s , b u t I h a v e

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also n o t e d t h a t p a r e n t a l n u r t u r i n g a l o n e fails t o a c c o u n t f o r t h e e x i s t e n c e o f this c a p a c i t y i n all p e o p l e . T h u s , I h a v e c o m e t o b e lieve t h a t p e o p l e ' s c a p a c i t y t o love, h e n c e t h e i r will t o grow, i s n u r t u r e d n o t o n l y d u r i n g c h i l d h o o d b y l o v i n g p a r e n t s b u t also t h r o u g h o u t t h e i r lives b y g r a c e , o r G o d ' s love. Yet w e a r e left w i t h t h e q u e s t i o n o f w h y o n l y s o m e p e o p l e c o n t i n u e t o s h o w a will t o g r o w t h r o u g h o u t life, w h i l e m a n y s h u n n o t only growth b u t t h e responsibility that c o m e s with l e a r n i n g . M y s t e r i o u s t h o u g h i t is, t h e c h o i c e t o actively l e a r n a s a n a d u l t a n d d e v o t e o n e ' s will c o n s c i o u s l y t o g r o w t h a n d l e a r n i n g i s t h e m o s t c r u c i a l d e c i s i o n o n e e v e r m a k e s i n life. B u t w h e n i s t h i s c h o i c e m a d e ? A g a i n , t h e issue h a s n o t b e e n scientifically s t u d i e d t h e way i t s h o u l d b e . A s I h a v e s u g g e s t e d , t h e r e i s n o evidence that the choice is m a d e in childhood. But it can be m a d e as early as m i d - a d o l e s c e n c e . I have received letters from p e o p l e as y o u n g as fifteen a n d sixteen in response to my books w h o clearly have already m a d e t h a t choice. My daughters h a d m a d e the decision by the time they entered college a n d chose to major in t h e h a r d sciences a n d m a t h e m a t i c s , e v e n t h o u g h t h e y f o u n d t h o s e s u b j e c t s q u i t e diff i c u l t . A g o n i z i n g o v e r t h e i r difficulty, I a s k e d t h e m w h y t h e y d i d n ' t major in t h e h u m a n i t i e s , subjects at which they were g o o d a n d t o w h i c h t h e y t o o k l i k e d u c k s t o water. B o t h a n s w e r e d , "But, D a d , w h a t ' s t h e p o i n t o f m a j o r i n g i n s o m e t h i n g t h a t ' s easy f o r y o u ? " I t i s c l e a r t o m e t h a t t h e y w e r e , i n s o m e ways a t least, m o r e a d v a n c e d i n t h e i r will t o l e a r n t h a n I was a t t h e i r same age. But while t h e choice to be a l e a r n e r may be m a d e as early a s a d o l e s c e n c e , this d o e s n o t n e c e s s a r i l y m e a n t h a t i t i s m a d e t h e n . I h a v e k n o w n p e o p l e w h o s e critical m o m e n t s o f m a k i n g t h a t c h o i c e s e e m e d t o c o m e i n t h e i r t h i r t i e s , forties, f i f t i e s , o r sixties, o r e v e n i n t h e m o n t h o r two p r e c e d i n g t h e i r d e a t h . I also d o n ' t m e a n t o i m p l y t h a t i t i s a s i n g l e c h o i c e . S o m e s e e m t o m a k e the choice b u t do so only halfheartedly a n d n o t be rem a r k a b l y active l e a r n e r s f o r t h e r e s t o f t h e i r lives. O t h e r s w h o m a k e t h e choice in midlife may b e c o m e t h e m o s t fervent of learners. S o m e t i m e s it c o m e s d u r i n g p e r i o d s of taking stock, as

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in a m i d l i f e crisis. In m o s t cases, as far as I c a n d i s c e r n , t h e choice is m a d e repeatedly. T h e decision t h e n b e c o m e s stronger a n d stronger as it is r e m a d e a n d r e m a d e . Certainly that has been my own pattern. I c a n n o t r e m e m b e r any o n e particular m o m e n t w h e n I f i r s t c h o s e t o b e c o m e a n active l e a r n e r , b u t I can recall m a n y m o m e n t s w h e n I chose to c e m e n t that choice. M y o w n p e r s o n a l style h a s b e e n , f o r m o s t o f m y life, l e a r n ing from experience, a n d particularly t h r o u g h the contemplat i o n o f m y o w n life e x p e r i e n c e s . T h a t ' s w h y I d e s c r i b e t h e c o n t e m p l a t i v e a s s o m e o n e w h o t a k e s a little b i t o f e x p e r i e n c e a n d m i l k s i t f o r all it's w o r t h . It's n o t s i m p l y a m a t t e r o f h o w m u c h e x p e r i e n c e y o u h a v e i n life b u t w h a t y o u d o w i t h it. W e all k n o w p e o p l e w h o h a v e a c c o m p l i s h e d m a n y tasks, o r d o n e this and that which seem to a m o u n t to a broad range of experie n c e s , b u t w h o s e e m a s n a i v e o r c o n f u s e d a s ever. J u s t g o i n g a r o u n d having different experiences is worthless if o n e does n o t learn s o m e t h i n g a b o u t oneself a n d t h e rest of the world f r o m t h o s e e x p e r i e n c e s . T h a t ' s w h y it's i m p o r t a n t t o b e a l e r t n o t only to external b u t to internal e x p e r i e n c e s that serve o u r spiritual growth. T h u s a large p a r t of t h e willingness to learn m u s t i n c l u d e l e a r n i n g b y l o o k i n g w i t h i n . Specific t o t h e p o i n t i s a q u o t e f r o m t h e p h i l o s o p h e r S 0 r e n K i e r k e g a a r d , w h o said: " A m a n m a y p e r f o r m a s t o n i s h i n g feats a n d c o m p r e h e n d a vast a m o u n t o f k n o w l e d g e , a n d yet h a v e n o u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f h i m self. B u t s u f f e r i n g d i r e c t s a m a n t o l o o k w i t h i n . I f i t s u c c e e d s , t h e n t h e r e , within h i m , is t h e b e g i n n i n g of his l e a r n i n g . " U l t i m a t e l y , s o m e o n e w h o s e will h a s b e c o m e d e v o t e d t o l e a r n i n g a n d g r o w t h i s s o m e o n e w h o s e will i s c l e a r l y i n a l i g n m e n t with G o d ' s p u r p o s e . T h a t d o e s n o t m e a n , however, t h a t s u c h a p e r s o n i s c o n s c i o u s o f t h i s fact, o r t h a t h e sees h i m s e l f a s b e i n g "in h a r m o n y w i t h a n u n s e e n o r d e r o f t h i n g s . " H e m a y c o n s i d e r h i m s e l f t o b e a g n o s t i c . Yet e v e n m a n y w h o d o n o t identify G o d a s t h e i r h i g h e r p o w e r m a y s h o w a w i l l i n g n e s s t o submit themselves to something they consider greater than t h e m s e l v e s — p e r h a p s t h e ideals of love, light, a n d t r u t h . In t h e e n d , o f c o u r s e , all t h e s e q u a l i t i e s h a v e s o m e t h i n g t o d o w i t h God. Nonetheless, it is my impression that as such p e o p l e con-

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t i n u e o v e r t h e y e a r s a n d d e c a d e s t o d e v o t e t h e i r will t o l e a r n i n g a n d g r o w t h , t h e y a l m o s t i n e v i t a b l y will fall i n t o t h e h a n d s o f t h e living G o d , a n d t h e i r s o u l will b e i n a p e r s o n a l r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h its c r e a t o r a n d n u r t u r e r .

O U T OF NARCISSISM W e h a v e all h e a r d a b o u t p e o p l e s o s e l f - c e n t e r e d t h a t t h e y w o n d e r h o w t h e w o r l d w o u l d m a n a g e t o survive w i t h o u t t h e m . F o r o t h e r s , narcissism may n o t r u n t h a t d e e p . But for e a c h o f u s o n e of the most difficult—and most i m p o r t a n t — t h i n g s to learn a n d c o m e t o t e r m s w i t h i s t h a t t h e w o r l d d o e s n o t s i m p l y revolve a r o u n d any o n e of us. I h a v e p r e v i o u s l y s p o k e n of n a r c i s s i s m as a t h i n k i n g disord e r . In In Search of Stones, I w r o t e t h a t t h e p r i m a r y r e a s o n Lily a n d I have unlisted p h o n e n u m b e r s a n d o t h e r e l a b o r a t e security d e v i c e s i s t o p r o t e c t u s f r o m t h e narcissists o f t h e w o r l d . Bef o r e w e a c q u i r e d t h e s e p r o t e c t i o n s a d o z e n y e a r s a g o , i t was b e c o m i n g i n c r e a s i n g l y c o m m o n f o r t h e p h o n e t o r i n g a t 2:00 A.M. T h e c a l l e r w o u l d b e a s t r a n g e r w a n t i n g t o d i s c u s s w i t h m e s o m e f i n e p o i n t o f w h a t I h a d w r i t t e n . " B u t it's two o ' c l o c k i n t h e m o r n i n g , " I w o u l d p r o t e s t . "Well, it's o n l y e l e v e n o u t h e r e i n C a l i f o r n i a , " t h e v o i c e a t t h e o t h e r e n d o f t h e l i n e w o u l d explain, " a n d besides, t h e rates are c h e a p e r now." Narcissists c a n n o t o r will n o t t h i n k a b o u t o t h e r p e o p l e . I b e l i e v e t h a t w e a r e all b o r n narcissists. H e a l t h y p e o p l e g r o w o u t of their natural narcissism, a growth that can be a c c o m p l i s h e d only as they b e c o m e m o r e conscious a n d learn to consider othe r s , a n d t h i n k a b o u t t h e m m o r e . T h i s l e a r n i n g b u i l d s o n itself because the m o r e we learn, the m o r e conscious we become. I h a v e a l r e a d y s u g g e s t e d t h a t t h e t e r r i b l e twos a r e a t i m e w h e n c h i l d r e n t a k e t h e i r first g i a n t s t e p o u t o f i n f a n t i l e n a r c i s sism. W e d o n o t k n o w w h a t c a u s e s p e o p l e t o fail t o g r o w o u t o f narcissism, b u t I have s t r o n g reasons to suspect that t h e failure b e g i n s i n this v u l n e r a b l e p e r i o d o f life, t h e t e r r i b l e twos, w h i c h i s a n inevitably h u m i l i a t i n g t i m e . I t i s t h e task o f p a r e n t s t o b e

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g e n t l e w i t h a c h i l d i n t h a t h u m i l i a t i o n a s m u c h a s realistically p o s s i b l e . N o t all p a r e n t s d o t h i s , h o w e v e r . T h e r e a r e p a r e n t s w h o , d u r i n g t h e t e r r i b l e twos a n d t h r o u g h o u t a c h i l d h o o d , will do everything that they can to humiliate their children b e y o n d what is necessary for t h e m to b e c o m e h u m b l e . I have an inkling that t h e failure to grow o u t of narcissism may be r o o t e d in such excessive h u m i l i a t i o n . I suspect that children w h o have b e e n so deeply humiliated t e n d to begin clinging desperately to a self-centered worldview. O n e r e a s o n f o r this i s t h a t t h e y m a y literally feel a s i f t h e y ' r e h o l d i n g o n t o d e a r life. N a r c i s s i s m i s t h e o n l y t h i n g t h a t provides a sense of security in an otherwise t u m u l t u o u s p e r i o d . S i n c e t h e y h a v e b e e n s h a m e d i n s u c h a way t h a t t h e i r e g o s b e c o m e i n c r e d i b l y fragile, t h e y b e g i n t o e q u a t e t h e i r v e r y survival w i t h v i e w i n g life t h r o u g h a narcissistic f r a m e o f r e f e r e n c e . W h i l e i t i s d u r i n g t h e t e r r i b l e twos t h a t w e t a k e o u r first giant step o u t of infantile narcissism, that d o e s n ' t suggest by any m e a n s that it is t h e only or t h e final step. I n d e e d , a flare-up of narcissism can c o m m o n l y be seen in a d o l e s c e n c e — f o r example, w h e n the adolescent never even stops to think that any o t h e r m e m b e r o f t h e family m i g h t possibly n e e d t h e car. N o n e t h e l e s s , i t m a y also b e i n a d o l e s c e n c e t h a t w e t a k e o u r n e x t g i a n t s t e p . I r e c o u n t an e x a m p l e in A World Waiting to Be Born o f a t u r n i n g p o i n t i n m y o w n life d u r i n g e a r l y a d o l e s c e n c e . O n e m o r n i n g , a t t h e a g e o f f i f t e e n , I was w a l k i n g d o w n a road at my b o a r d i n g school a n d spied a classmate fifty yards away. H e was s t r o l l i n g t o w a r d m e , a n d w h e n w e c a m e a b r e a s t , w e s p o k e t o e a c h o t h e r for f i v e m i n u t e s a n d t h e n w e n t o u r sepa r a t e ways. Fifty y a r d s f a r t h e r d o w n t h e r o a d , b y G o d ' s g r a c e , I was s t r u c k b y a r e v e l a t i o n . I s u d d e n l y r e a l i z e d t h a t f o r t h e e n t i r e ten-minute period from when I h a d first seen my acquaintance u n t i l t h a t v e r y m o m e n t , I h a d b e e n totally s e l f - p r e o c c u p i e d . F o r t h e two o r t h r e e m i n u t e s b e f o r e w e m e t , all I was t h i n k i n g a b o u t was t h e c l e v e r t h i n g s I m i g h t say t h a t w o u l d i m p r e s s h i m . D u r i n g o u r f i v e m i n u t e s t o g e t h e r , I was l i s t e n i n g t o w h a t h e h a d t o say o n l y so t h a t I m i g h t t u r n it i n t o a c l e v e r r e j o i n d e r . I w a t c h e d h i m o n l y s o t h a t I m i g h t s e e w h a t effect m y r e m a r k s w e r e h a v i n g

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u p o n h i m . A n d f o r t h e two o r t h r e e m i n u t e s after w e s e p a r a t e d , m y s o l e t h o u g h t was o f t h o s e t h i n g s I c o u l d h a v e said t h a t m i g h t have impressed h i m even m o r e . I h a d n o t c a r e d a whit for my classmate. I h a d n o t conc e r n e d myself w i t h w h a t h i s j o y s o r s o r r o w s m i g h t h a v e b e e n o r w h a t I c o u l d h a v e s a i d t h a t m i g h t h a v e m a d e h i s life a little less b u r d e n s o m e . I h a d c a r e d a b o u t h i m o n l y a s a foil f o r m y wit a n d a m i r r o r f o r m y glory. B y t h e g r a c e o f G o d , i t was n o t o n l y r e v e a l e d t o m e h o w s e l f - c e n t e r e d a n d s e l f - a b s o r b e d I was, b u t also h o w , i f I c o n t i n u e d w i t h t h a t k i n d o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s , i t w o u l d inevitably l e a d m e i n t o a f e a r f u l , e m p t y a n d l o n e l y " m a t u r i t y . " S o a t t h e a g e o f fifteen I b e g a n t o d o b a t t l e w i t h m y n a r c i s s i s m . B u t t h a t was j u s t t h e b e g i n n i n g . G i v e n t h e t e n a c i o u s n e s s o f o u r n a r c i s s i s m , its t e n t a c l e s c a n b e s u b t l e a n d p e n e t r a t i n g . W e m u s t c o n t i n u e t o h a c k away a t t h e m d a y b y day, w e e k a f t e r w e e k , m o n t h after m o n t h , a n d y e a r after year. A n d t h e r e a r e all m a n n e r o f pitfalls o n t h e j o u r n e y , s u c h a s b e i n g p r o u d o f h o w h u m b l e y o u h a v e b e c o m e . A s I've g r o w n i n c o n s c i o u s n e s s , n a t u r a l l y I ' m l e a r n i n g t o b e less narcissistic a n d m o r e e m p a t h e t i c toward o t h e r people. But in looking back, o n e of my regrets is h o w u n e m p a t h e t i c I was w i t h m y o w n p a r e n t s a s t h e y w e r e aging. It t o o k my own personal struggles with t h e aging process to better u n d e r s t a n d what my own parents must have e n d u r e d , a n d n o w I feel a g r e a t e r s e n s e o f k i n s h i p w i t h t h e m t h a n e v e r before. L e a r n i n g m y way o u t o f n a r c i s s i s m h a s b e e n t h e s i n g l e g r e a t e s t t h e m e o f m y life a n d , a g a i n l o o k i n g b a c k , m a r r i a g e h a s b e e n my g r e a t e s t t e a c h e r . In A World Waiting to Be Born, I w r o t e that b e c a u s e of my own narcissism early in o u r relationship, it b e g a n t o d a w n o n m e o n l y after two y e a r s o f m a r r i a g e t h a t Lily might be something more than my appendage, something m o r e t h a n m y "it." I t was t h e f r i c t i o n i n o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p t h a t o p e n e d m y eyes. I f o u n d myself r e p e a t e d l y a n n o y e d a t h e r f o r b e i n g away f r o m h o m e , s h o p p i n g , a t t i m e s w h e n I n e e d e d h e r a n d equally a n n o y e d a t h e r for "pestering" m e a t h o m e w h e n I felt i n n e e d o f s o l i t u d e . G r a d u a l l y I b e g a n t o r e a l i z e t h a t m o s t

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o f m y i r r i t a t i o n was t h e r e s u l t o f a b i z a r r e a s s u m p t i o n i n m y m i n d . I a s s u m e d t h a t Lily s h o u l d s o m e h o w b e t h e r e f o r m e w h e n e v e r I wanted her, a n d n o t be t h e r e w h e n e v e r h e r prese n c e was i n c o n v e n i e n t . F u r t h e r m o r e , I a s s u m e d t h a t s h e s h o u l d s o m e h o w n o t o n l y k n o w w h i c h t i m e was w h i c h b u t also k n o w i t w i t h o u t m y h a v i n g t o tell h e r . I t was p e r h a p s a n o t h e r d e c a d e b e f o r e I was a b l e t o fully c u r e myself o f t h a t p a r t i c u l a r insanity. B u t t h a t was o n l y t h e b e g i n n i n g . O n e o f t h e r e a s o n s m y m a r r i a g e t o Lily h a s s u r v i v e d i s t h a t w e b o t h , i n o u r o w n way, a r e deeply c o n s i d e r a t e p e o p l e . At first, however, o u r c o n s i d e r a t i o n was r a t h e r p r i m i t i v e a n d h a d m o r e t o d o w i t h o u r self-image t h a n a n y t h i n g else. W e w a n t e d t o t h i n k o f o u r s e l v e s a s g o o d people, so we tried to be good. Being good m e a n t being considerate, a n d we knew the great rule of goodness or considerat i o n was " D o u n t o o t h e r s a s y o u w o u l d h a v e t h e m d o u n t o y o u . " S o w e t r i e d v e r y h a r d t o t r e a t e a c h o t h e r t h e way w e w a n t e d t o b e t r e a t e d . O n l y i t d i d n ' t w o r k o u t v e r y well b e c a u s e t h e reality i s t h a t Lily a n d I , like m a n y c o u p l e s , e n t e r e d m a r r i a g e a s relatively m i l d narcissists. W e w e r e n o t like t h e 2:00 A.M. p h o n e callers. W e w e r e e x q u i s i t e l y p o l i t e — b u t n o t yet wise, b e c a u s e w e w e r e o p e r a t i n g u n d e r t h e narcissistic a s s u m p t i o n t h a t t h e o t h e r was j u s t like u s o r else m i s g u i d e d . W h a t w e e v e n t u a l l y l e a r n e d was t h a t t h e G o l d e n R u l e i s j u s t t h e b e g i n n i n g . T o grow, w e h a d t o l e a r n t o r e c o g n i z e a n d r e s p e c t t h e otherness o f e a c h o t h e r . I n d e e d , this i s t h e a d v a n c e d course of marriage, which teaches: Do u n t o others as you would have t h e m do u n t o you if you were in their particular, u n i q u e , a n d d i f f e r e n t s h o e s . I t i s n o t easy l e a r n i n g . A f t e r m o r e t h a n six d e c a d e s o f living, Lily a n d I a r e still l e a r n i n g i t a n d s o m e t i m e s feel like b e g i n n e r s . W e a r e l e a r n i n g t h a t o u r d i f f e r e n c e s c r e a t e t h e s p i c e o f o u r m a r r i a g e a s well a s t h e wisdom o f it. T h e exp r e s s i o n "Two h e a d s a r e b e t t e r t h a n o n e " w o u l d b e m e a n i n g less i f b o t h h e a d s w e r e e x a c t l y t h e s a m e . B e c a u s e Lily's a n d m y h e a d s are so different, w h e n we p u t t h e m t o g e t h e r — a s we've d o n e i n c h i l d - r a i s i n g , m o n e y m a n a g e m e n t , t h e p l a n n i n g o f va-

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c a t i o n s , a n d t h e l i k e — t h e o u t c o m e i s i n v a r i a b l y wiser t h a n i f eit h e r o f u s h a d a c t e d a l o n e . S o g r o w i n g o u t o f n a r c i s s i s m allows for t h e p r o c e s s k n o w n a s c o l l a b o r a t i o n , i n w h i c h p e o p l e l a b o r t o g e t h e r w i t h wits as well as b r a w n .

NARCISSISM VERSUS SELF-LOVE Yet w e a r e c o n f r o n t e d w i t h a p a r a d o x . W h i l e g r o w i n g o u t o f n a r c i s s i s m — o u r s e l f - c e n t e r e d n e s s a n d o f t e n excessive s e n s e o f i m p o r t a n c e — i s m o r e t h a n a n y t h i n g else w h a t life i s a b o u t , i t i s e q u a l l y vital t h a t w e also s i m u l t a n e o u s l y l e a r n t o c o m e t o t e r m s with just h o w i m p o r t a n t a n d valuable we are. Humility m e a n s having true knowledge of oneself as o n e is. I n m y o p i n i o n , i t i s critical for u s t o b e realistic a b o u t o u r selves a s w e a r e , a n d b e a b l e t o r e c o g n i z e b o t h t h e g o o d a n d b a d p a r t s o f o u r s e l v e s . B u t t h a t d o e s n o t m e a n — a s m a n y falsely c o n c l u d e — t h a t w e s h o u l d give m o r e e m p h a s i s t o t h e n e g a t i v e p a r t s o f w h o w e a r e a n d d o w n p l a y o r a l t o g e t h e r dismiss t h e g o o d p a r t s a s s e c o n d a r y . Yet m a n y d o so, t r y i n g t o d i s p l a y a pseudo-humility t h a t m a y e x t e n d to an inability to receive c o m p l i m e n t s o r a s s e r t o n e s e l f w h e n a p p r o p r i a t e t o d o so. F u r t h e r , t h e r e i s a d i s t i n c t i o n t o b e m a d e b e t w e e n self-love ( w h i c h I p r o p o s e is always a g o o d t h i n g ) a n d s e l f - e s t e e m ( w h i c h I p r o p o s e c a n o f t e n be q u e s t i o n a b l e ) . As I w r o t e in Further Along the Road Less Traveled, t h e two a r e o f t e n c o n f u s e d b e c a u s e we do n o t have a rich e n o u g h vocabulary to cover these p h e n o m e n a . I h o p e t h a t e v e n t u a l l y t h e p r o b l e m will b e r e s o l v e d b y d e v e l o p i n g n e w w o r d s t h a t a r e m o r e a d e q u a t e , b u t for t h e m o m e n t we a r e stuck with t h e old o n e s . F o r e x a m p l e , t h e r e a r e t i m e s w h e n w e a c t i n ways t h a t a r e u n b e c o m i n g . I f w e d e n y t h a t o u r b e h a v i o r i s " b a d " a n d fail t o s e e k ways t o c o r r e c t i t o r r e d e e m o u r s e l v e s b y l e a r n i n g f r o m what we have d o n e wrong, t h e n we are primarily c o n c e r n e d w i t h self-esteem. O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , i f w e a r e o p e r a t i n g f r o m a s e n s e o f self-love, t h e h e a l t h i e r t h i n g t o d o w o u l d b e t o acknowledge o u r mistakes a n d chastise ourselves if we m u s t — a s

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well a s h a v e t h e ability t o d i s c e r n t h a t o u r f a i l u r e a t a n y g i v e n m o m e n t d o e s n o t totally d e f i n e o u r w o r t h o r w h o w e a r e a s a p e r s o n . W e n e e d m o m e n t s w h e n w e realize that w e d o n o t have i t all t o g e t h e r a n d t h a t w e a r e n o t p e r f e c t . S u c h m o m e n t s a r e c r u c i a l t o o u r g r o w t h b e c a u s e l o v i n g o u r s e l v e s r e q u i r e s t h e capacity to recognize that t h e r e is s o m e t h i n g a b o u t us we n e e d to work on. So t h e r e is a d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n i n s i s t i n g t h a t we always feel g o o d a b o u t o u r s e l v e s ( w h i c h i s narcissistic a n d s y n o n y m o u s with constantly p r e s e r v i n g o u r self-esteem) a n d insisting t h a t we regard ourselves as i m p o r t a n t or valuable (which is healthy self-love). U n d e r s t a n d i n g a n d m a k i n g this d i s t i n c t i o n i s a p r e r e q u i s i t e for m a t u r e m e n t a l h e a l t h . I n o r d e r t o b e g o o d , h e a l t h y p e o p l e , w e h a v e t o p a y t h e p r i c e o f s e t t i n g a s i d e o u r self-esteem o n c e i n a w h i l e a n d n o t always f e e l i n g g o o d a b o u t o u r s e l v e s . B u t w e s h o u l d always b e a b l e t o love a n d v a l u e o u r s e l v e s , e v e n i f w e s h o u l d n ' t always e s t e e m o u r s e l v e s . A b o u t t w e n t y y e a r s a g o , I saw a s e v e n t e e n - y e a r - o l d p a t i e n t w h o h a d b e e n o n his o w n since t h e a g e o f f o u r t e e n . H e h a d h a d a t r o c i o u s p a r e n t i n g , a n d I t o l d h i m d u r i n g o n e s e s s i o n , "Jack, y o u r b i g g e s t p r o b l e m i s t h a t y o u d o n ' t love yourself, t h a t y o u d o n ' t v a l u e yourself." T h a t s a m e n i g h t I h a d t o d r i v e f r o m C o n n e c t i c u t t o N e w York i n t h e m i d d l e o f a t e r r i b l e s t o r m . S h e e t s o f r a i n w e r e s w e e p i n g a c r o s s t h e h i g h w a y , a n d t h e visibility was s o p o o r t h a t I c o u l d n ' t e v e n s e e t h e s i d e o f t h e r o a d o r t h e yellow line. I h a d to k e e p my attention absolutely g l u e d on t h e road, e v e n t h o u g h I was v e r y t i r e d . If I h a d lost my c o n c e n t r a t i o n f o r e v e n a s e c o n d , I w o u l d h a v e g o n e off t h e r o a d . A n d t h e o n l y way I was a b l e t o m a k e t h e n i n e t y - m i l e t r i p i n t h a t t e r r i b l e s t o r m was t o k e e p s a y i n g t o myself, o v e r a n d o v e r a g a i n , " T h i s little Volkswagen is carrying e x t r e m e l y valuable cargo. It is e x t r e m e l y imp o r t a n t t h a t t h i s v a l u a b l e c a r g o g e t t o N e w Y o r k safely." A n d s o it d i d . T h r e e days later, b a c k i n C o n n e c t i c u t , I saw J a c k a g a i n a n d l e a r n e d t h a t i n t h e s a m e r a i n s t o r m , n o t n e a r l y a s t i r e d a s I was a n d o n a m u c h s h o r t e r j o u r n e y , h e h a d d r i v e n h i s c a r off t h e road. Fortunately, he h a d n ' t b e e n seriously h u r t . I do n o t be-

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lieve h e h a d d o n e this b e c a u s e h e was c o v e r d y s u i c i d a l — a l t h o u g h t h e l a c k o f self-love c a n l e a d t o s u i c i d e — b u t s i m p l y b e c a u s e h e was n o t a b l e t o c o n v i n c e h i m s e l f t h a t h i s little V o l k s w a g e n was c a r r y i n g e x t r e m e l y v a l u a b l e c a r g o . A n o t h e r e x a m p l e involves a w o m a n I b e g a n t r e a t i n g s h o r t l y after The Road Less Traveled was p u b l i s h e d . S h e h a d to travel f r o m c e n t r a l N e w J e r s e y t o w h e r e I lived i n C o n n e c t i c u t . S h e was a w o m a n w h o h a d s p e n t all o f h e r life i n t h e C h r i s t i a n church; she h a d b e e n raised in the c h u r c h a n d h a d even marr i e d a c l e r g y m a n . W e w o r k e d t o g e t h e r o n c e a w e e k f o r t h e first y e a r a n d g o t a b s o l u t e l y n o w h e r e , m a d e n o p r o g r e s s a t all. A n d t h e n o n e d a y s h e o p e n e d t h e s e s s i o n b y saying, ' Y o u k n o w , d r i v i n g u p h e r e this m o r n i n g , I s u d d e n l y r e a l i z e d t h a t w h a t i s m o s t i m p o r t a n t is t h e d e v e l o p m e n t of my own soul." I b r o k e o u t in a r o a r o f j o y f u l l a u g h t e r a t t h e fact t h a t s h e h a d finally g o t t e n it, b u t also l a u g h t e r a t t h e i r o n y o f t h e fact t h a t I h a d a s s u m e d t h a t this w o m a n — w h o h a d c o m e t o s e e m e b e c a u s e s h e l i k e d m y b o o k , w h o was willing t o m a k e a s i x - h o u r r o u n d t r i p o n c e a w e e k t o s e e m e , a n d w h o h a d s p e n t t h e e n t i r e t y o f h e r life i n t h e c h u r c h — a l r e a d y k n e w t h a t w h a t was m o s t i m p o r t a n t was t h e d e v e l o p m e n t of h e r own soul. B u t she d i d n ' t , a n d I suspect m a n y fail t o identify h o w c e n t r a l this i s t o t h e i r lives. O n c e s h e r e a l i z e d it, h o w e v e r , h e r p r o g r e s s i n t h e r a p y was like l i g h t n i n g . I f w e v a l u e o u r s e l v e s , w e a r e likely t o b e l i e v e t h a t w e a r e w o r t h w h a t e v e r effort w e n e e d t o m a k e f o r o u r s e l v e s . T h e d e c i sion to go into therapy to get unstuck a n d h e l p our progress, or t o t a k e t h e t i m e t o p r a c t i c e safety i n c e r t a i n s i t u a t i o n s t h a t a r e within o u r control—these are a m o n g the measures of w h e t h e r we t r u l y v a l u e o u r s e l v e s . A n d , as I w r o t e in The Road Less Traveled, t h e p r i m a r y d e t e r m i n a n t o f w h e t h e r w e c o n s i d e r o u r s e l v e s valuable a n d i m p o r t a n t is w h e t h e r o u r parents treated us as if w e w e r e truly valuable a n d i m p o r t a n t . This d e t e r m i n e s s o m u c h of how we regard ourselves from t h e n on, because those y o u n g a n d impressionable years are crucial to o u r sense of worth. N o n e t h e l e s s , e i g h t e e n y e a r s after w r i t i n g t h a t b o o k , I b e lieve I was u n d u l y p e s s i m i s t i c w h e n I d e s c r i b e d t h e p r o b l e m o f

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s o m e o n e w h o e n t e r s a d u l t h o o d w i t h a d e e p - s e a t e d l a c k o f selfv a l u e . I h a d s a i d it was c l o s e to i m p o s s i b l e f o r s u c h a p e r s o n e v e r to develop a healthy sense of worth. But I n o w k n o w t h e r e are a t l e a s t two ways t h a t a s i g n i f i c a n t n u m b e r w h o n e v e r l e a r n e d t o v a l u e t h e m s e l v e s w h e n t h e y w e r e c h i l d r e n c a n l e a r n t o d o so. O n e is long-term psychotherapy, d u r i n g which the therapist can, a n d often does, b e c o m e a substitute p a r e n t of sorts a n d heals by persistently d e m o n s t r a t i n g h e r or his sense of t h e patient's value. Certainly t h e most c o m m o n response I have received from my own patients at the conclusion of a lengthy c o u r s e o f p s y c h o t h e r a p y — w h e n s u c c e s s f u l — w a s ' Y o u k n o w , Dr. P e c k , y o u t r e a t e d m e a s i f I was m o r e i m p o r t a n t t h a n I t h o u g h t I was." T h e r e i s a l s o a n o t h e r way: s o m e t i m e s G o d a c t u a l l y s e e m s t o d i r e c t l y i n t e r v e n e i n p e o p l e ' s lives t o give t h e m a m e s s a g e o f t h e i r v a l u e . B e c a u s e o f t h e p o w e r o f s u c h a n e x p e r i e n c e , its b e n e f i c i a r i e s r e m a i n p u z z l e d a n d a w e d b y it. A l t h o u g h a p p r e ciative a n d h u m b l e d , t h e y o f t e n c o n t i n u e t o ask, " W h y m e ? " y e a r s after t h e fact, b e c a u s e t h e y still w o n d e r w h a t t h e y h a d d o n e to deserve such a blessing. It is i n d e e d an e x p e r i e n c e of o v e r w h e l m i n g grace w h e n o n e w h o for very l o n g has d e v a l u e d himself is g r a n t e d a divine revelation that he d o e s i n d e e d matt e r a f t e r all. A l t h o u g h I have n o t described such events in my works of nonfiction, I have f o r m e r patients a n d friends w h o have rec a l l e d s u c h r a d i c a l c h a n g e s i n t h e i r s e n s e o f self-worth. S o m e times these revelations o c c u r r e d in the context of a h o r r e n d o u s life e x p e r i e n c e , a n d f o r s o m e — l i k e a w o m a n w h o d e c i d e d s h e v a l u e d h e r s e l f e n o u g h t o l e a v e a physically a b u s i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p — w h e n t h e i r very lives w e r e a t risk. I h a v e w r i t t e n a b o u t s u c h e v e n t s in b o t h my n o v e l s . In A Bed by the Window, M r s . Sim o n t o n , a sixty-year-old n u r s i n g h o m e a d m i n i s t r a t o r , r e c e i v e s j u s t such a l e a r n i n g message. As does Tish in purgatory, as des c r i b e d in In Heaven as on Earth. W h i l e b o t h a c c o u n t s a r e fict i o n a l , t h e y r e f l e c t t h e reality o f a c t u a l p e o p l e w h o m I h a v e m e t a n d w h o have told me of such experiences.

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NARCISSISM, DEATH, AND THE LEARNING OF DYING O u r i n b o r n narcissism is an extraordinarily c o m p l e x p h e n o m e n o n , because s o m e of it is necessary as the psychological side of o u r survival i n s t i n c t . B u t u n b r i d l e d n a r c i s s i s m i s t h e p r i n c i p a l p r e c u r s o r o f p s y c h o s p i r i t u a l illness. T h e h e a l t h y s p i r i t u a l life consists of progressively growing o u t of narcissism. T h e failure to grow o u t of narcissism, a l t h o u g h e x t r e m e l y c o m m o n , is also extremely destructive. T h e prospect of our death a n d the process of our dying physically c a n b e o n e o f t h e g r e a t e s t s t i m u l i t o s u c h h e a l t h y growth. They may even be the greatest such stimulus. W h e n p s y c h i a t r i s t s t a l k a b o u t i n j u r i e s t o p r i d e , w e call t h e m narcissist i c i n j u r i e s . A n d o n a n y scale o f narcissistic i n j u r i e s , d e a t h i s t h e u l t i m a t e . We suffer little narcissistic i n j u r i e s all t h e t i m e : a classm a t e calls u s s t u p i d , f o r e x a m p l e ; w e ' r e t h e last t o b e c h o s e n f o r s o m e o n e ' s volleyball t e a m ; c o l l e g e s t u r n u s d o w n ; e m p l o y e r s criticize u s ; w e g e t f i r e d ; o u r c h i l d r e n r e j e c t u s . A s a r e s u l t o f t h e s e narcissistic i n j u r i e s , w e e i t h e r b e c o m e e m b i t t e r e d o r w e g r o w . B u t d e a t h i s t h e b i g o n e . N o t h i n g t h r e a t e n s o u r narcissist i c a t t a c h m e n t t o o u r s e l v e s a n d o u r self-conceit m o r e t h a n o u r i m p e n d i n g obliteration. S o i t i s u t t e r l y n a t u r a l t h a t w e s h o u l d f e a r d e a t h a n d everyt h i n g t h a t b e g i n s t o b e c o m e a r e m i n d e r o f d e a t h . T h e r e a r e two ways t o d e a l w i t h t h a t fear: t h e c o m m o n way a n d t h e s m a r t way. T h e c o m m o n way i s t o p u t i t o u t o f o u r m i n d , l i m i t o u r a w a r e n e s s o f it, t r y n o t t o t h i n k a b o u t it. T h e s m a r t way i s t o face d e a t h as early as possible. In d o i n g so, we c a n realize s o m e t h i n g really r a t h e r s i m p l e . T h a t is, i n s o f a r a s w e c a n o v e r c o m e o u r narcissism we c a n o v e r c o m e o u r fear of d e a t h . For p e o p l e w h o l e a r n t o d o this, t h e p r o s p e c t o f d e a t h b e c o m e s a m a g n i f i c e n t stimulus for t h e i r psychological a n d spiritual growth. "Since I a m g o i n g t o d i e anyway," t h e y t h i n k , " w h a t ' s t h e p o i n t o f p r e s e r v i n g this a t t a c h m e n t I h a v e t o m y silly o l d self?" A n d s o t h e y s e t f o r t h o n a j o u r n e y t o w a r d selflessness. I t i s n o t a n easy j o u r n e y , b u t w h a t a w o r t h w h i l e j o u r n e y i t is. Because the further we p r o c e e d in d i m i n i s h i n g o u r narcissism,

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o u r self-centeredness a n d sense of self-importance, the m o r e w e d i s c o v e r o u r s e l v e s b e c o m i n g n o t o n l y less fearful o f d e a t h b u t also less fearful o f life. A n d this i s t h e basis f o r l e a r n i n g t o b e c o m e m o r e loving. N o l o n g e r b u r d e n e d b y t h e n e e d t o cons t a n t l y p r o t e c t a n d d e f e n d o u r s e l v e s , w e a r e a b l e t o lift o u r eyes off o u r s e l v e s a n d t r u l y r e c o g n i z e o t h e r s . A n d w e b e g i n t o e x p e rience a sustained, underlying sense of happiness that we have never e x p e r i e n c e d before as we b e c o m e progressively m o r e self-forgetful a n d h e n c e m o r e a b l e t o r e m e m b e r G o d a n d n o tice H e r i n t h e d e t a i l s o f life. A g a i n a n d a g a i n all o f t h e g r e a t r e l i g i o n s tell u s t h a t t h e p a t h away f r o m n a r c i s s i s m i s t h e p a t h t o w a r d m e a n i n g i n life. A n d this i s t h e i r c e n t r a l m e s s a g e : L e a r n h o w t o d i e . B u d d h i s t s a n d H i n d u s s p e a k o f this i n t e r m s o f t h e n e c e s s i t y f o r selfd e t a c h m e n t ; i n d e e d , f o r t h e m e v e n t h e n o t i o n o f t h e self i s a n i l l u s i o n . J e s u s s p o k e o f i t i n s i m i l a r t e r m s : " W h o s o e v e r will save h i s life [ t h a t is, w h o s o e v e r will h o l d o n t o h i s n a r c i s s i s m ] s h a l l l o s e it: a n d w h o s o e v e r will l o s e h i s life f o r m y s a k e shall f i n d it." In h e r classic On Death and Dying, E l i s a b e t h K ü b l e r - R o s s was t h e f i r s t scientific p e r s o n w h o e v e r d a r e d t o ask p e o p l e w h a t they were e x p e r i e n c i n g as they faced t h e i r physical d e a t h . Doi n g so, s h e d i s c e r n e d t h a t f i v e e m o t i o n a l s t a g e s a r e i n v o l v e d i n the process of dying. A n d she f o u n d that p e o p l e w e n t t h r o u g h t h e s e s t a g e s i n this o r d e r : d e n i a l , a n g e r , b a r g a i n i n g , d e p r e s sion, a n d finally acceptance. I n t h e f i r s t s t a g e , d e n i a l , t h e y m i g h t say, " T h e l a b m u s t h a v e g o t t e n m y tests m i x e d u p w i t h s o m e b o d y else's. I t c a n ' t b e m e , i t c a n ' t b e h a p p e n i n g t o m e . " B u t d e n y i n g d o e s n ' t w o r k for very long. So they get angry. T h e y get angry at t h e doctors, angry at t h e n u r s e s , a n g r y a t t h e h o s p i t a l , a n g r y a t t h e i r relatives, a n g r y at G o d . W h e n a n g e r d o e s n ' t get t h e m anywhere, they start to b a r g a i n . T h e y say, " M a y b e i f I g o b a c k t o c h u r c h a n d s t a r t prayi n g a g a i n , m y c a n c e r will g o away." O r , " M a y b e i f I s t a r t b e i n g n i c e r t o m y c h i l d r e n f o r a c h a n g e , m y k i d n e y s will i m p r o v e . " A n d w h e n that d o e s n ' t get results, they b e g i n to realize t h e j i g i s u p a n d t h e y ' r e really g o i n g t o d i e . A t t h a t p o i n t , t h e y b e c o m e depressed.

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I f t h e y c a n h a n g i n t h e r e a n d d o w h a t w e t h e r a p i s t s call t h e work of depression, they can e m e r g e at the other e n d a n d enter t h e fifth s t a g e , a c c e p t a n c e . T h i s i s a s t a g e o f g r e a t s p i r i t u a l c a l m a n d t r a n q u i l l i t y , a n d e v e n o f l i g h t for m a n y . P e o p l e w h o h a v e a c c e p t e d d e a t h h a v e a l i g h t i n t h e m . It's a l m o s t a s i f t h e y h a d already died a n d were resurrected in some psychospiritual sense. It's a b e a u t i f u l t h i n g t o s e e , b u t i t i s n o t v e r y c o m m o n . M o s t p e o p l e d o n o t d i e i n t h i s s t a g e o f a c c e p t a n c e . T h e y d i e still d e n y i n g , still a n g r y , still b a r g a i n i n g , o r still d e p r e s s e d . T h e r e a s o n i s t h a t t h e w o r k o f d e p r e s s i o n i s s o p a i n f u l a n d difficult t h a t w h e n they hit it most p e o p l e retreat into denial or a n g e r or bargaining. T h e s e s t a g e s a r e n o t always g o n e t h r o u g h i n e x a c t l y t h e way K ü b l e r - R o s s d e s c r i b e d , b u t t h e y a r e n o n e t h e l e s s n o t o n l y generally applicable to the e m o t i o n a l pain that is involved in d y i n g b u t g e n e r a l l y e q u a l l y valid ( a l t h o u g h s h e d i d n o t r e a l i z e i t a t t h e t i m e ) t o all m a n n e r o f life's l e a r n i n g s w h e r e u n l e a r n i n g is i n v o l v e d .

UNLEARNING AND FLEXIBILITY I have written a b o u t an experience with my d a u g h t e r in which s u c h u n l e a r n i n g was n e c e s s a r y f o r m y g r o w t h . O n e n i g h t I d e c i d e d to s p e n d s o m e free time b u i l d i n g a h a p p i e r a n d closer rel a t i o n s h i p w i t h m y d a u g h t e r , w h o was f o u r t e e n a t t h e t i m e . F o r several weeks s h e h a d b e e n u r g i n g me to play chess with her, so I suggested a g a m e a n d she eagerly accepted. We settled d o w n t o a m o s t e v e n a n d c h a l l e n g i n g m a t c h . I t was a s c h o o l n i g h t , however, a n d at n i n e o'clock my d a u g h t e r asked if I could h u r r y my moves because she n e e d e d to go to bed; she h a d to get up at six i n t h e m o r n i n g . I k n e w h e r t o b e rigidly d i s c i p l i n e d i n h e r sleeping habits, a n d it s e e m e d to me that she o u g h t to be able t o give u p s o m e o f t h i s rigidity. I t o l d h e r , " C o m e o n , y o u c a n g o t o b e d a little l a t e r f o r o n c e . Y o u s h o u l d n ' t s t a r t g a m e s t h a t y o u c a n ' t finish. W e ' r e having fun." W e p l a y e d o n for a n o t h e r f i f t e e n m i n u t e s , d u r i n g w h i c h

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t i m e s h e b e c a m e visibly d i s c o m f i t e d . Finally, s h e p l e a d e d , "Please, Daddy, please h u r r y y o u r moves." "No, g o d d a m m i t , " I r e p l i e d . " C h e s s is a s e r i o u s g a m e . If y o u ' r e g o i n g to p l a y it well, y o u ' r e g o i n g t o play i t slowly. I f y o u d o n ' t w a n t t o p l a y i t seriously, y o u m i g h t a s well n o t play i t a t all." A n d so, w i t h h e r feeling miserable, w e c o n t i n u e d for a n o t h e r t e n m i n u t e s , until s u d d e n l y my d a u g h t e r burst into tears, yelled that she conc e d e d t h e s t u p i d g a m e , a n d r a n w e e p i n g u p t h e stairs. M y f i r s t r e a c t i o n was o n e o f d e n i a l . N o t h i n g was s e r i o u s l y w r o n g . M y d a u g h t e r was j u s t i n a fragile m o o d . C e r t a i n l y , i t h a d n o t h i n g t o d o w i t h m e . B u t t h a t d i d n ' t really w o r k . T h e fact o f t h e m a t t e r was t h a t t h e e v e n i n g h a d t u r n e d o u t e x a c t l y o p p o s i t e f r o m w h a t I h a d i n t e n d e d . S o m y n e x t r e a c t i o n was t o b e c o m e angry. I b e c a m e a n g r y at my d a u g h t e r for h e r rigidity a n d t h e fact t h a t she c o u l d n ' t give u p a little s l e e p t i m e t o w o r k o n o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p a s well. I t was h e r fault. B u t t h a t d i d n ' t w o r k e i t h e r . T h e fact is t h a t I, t o o , was r i g i d in my s l e e p i n g h a b i t s . So I t h o u g h t I m i g h t r u n u p s t a i r s , k n o c k o n h e r d o o r , a n d say, " I ' m sorry, h o n e y . P l e a s e forgive m e f o r b e i n g r i g i d . H a v e a g o o d n i g h t ' s s l e e p . " Yet I h a d s o m e s e n s e a t this p o i n t t h a t I was b a r g a i n i n g . I t w o u l d b e a " c h e a p a p o l o g y . " Finally, i t b e g a n t o d a w n on me that I h a d seriously goofed. I h a d started the e v e n i n g w a n t i n g to have a h a p p y time with my daughter. Ninety m i n u t e s later, s h e was i n t e a r s a n d s o a n g r y a t m e s h e c o u l d h a r d l y speak. W h a t h a d g o n e wrong? I b e c a m e depressed. F o r t u n a t e l y , a l b e i t r e l u c t a n t l y , I was a b l e t o h a n g i n t h e r e a n d d o t h e w o r k o f d e p r e s s i o n . I b e g a n t o face t h e fact t h a t I h a d b o t c h e d t h e e v e n i n g by allowing my desire to win a chess g a m e b e c o m e m o r e i m p o r t a n t t h a n m y d e s i r e t o b u i l d a relat i o n s h i p w i t h m y d a u g h t e r . I was d e p r e s s e d i n e a r n e s t t h e n . H o w h a d I g o t t e n s o o u t o f b a l a n c e ? G r a d u a l l y I b e g a n t o acc e p t t h a t m y d e s i r e t o w i n was t o o g r e a t a n d t h a t I n e e d e d t o give u p s o m e o f this d e s i r e . Yet e v e n t h i s little g i v i n g u p s e e m e d i m p o s s i b l e . All m y life m y d e s i r e t o w i n h a d s e r v e d m e i n g o o d s t e a d , f o r I h a d w o n m a n y t h i n g s . H o w was i t p o s s i b l e t o p l a y c h e s s w i t h o u t w a n t i n g t o win? I h a d n e v e r b e e n c o m f o r t a b l e d o ing things unenthusiastically. H o w c o u l d I conceivably play

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c h e s s e n t h u s i a s t i c a l l y b u t n o t seriously? Yet s o m e h o w I h a d t o c h a n g e , for I k n e w t h a t my competitiveness a n d my seriousness w e r e p a r t o f a b e h a v i o r p a t t e r n t h a t was w o r k i n g a n d w o u l d continue to work toward alienating my children from me. A n d i f I was n o t a b l e t o m o d i f y this p a t t e r n , t h e r e w o u l d b e o t h e r times of unnecessary tears a n d bitterness. Since I have given up p a r t of my desire to win at g a m e s , t h a t little d e p r e s s i o n i s l o n g over. I killed t h e d e s i r e t o w i n a t g a m e s w i t h m y d e s i r e t o w i n a t p a r e n t i n g . W h e n I was a c h i l d m y d e s i r e t o w i n a t g a m e s s e r v e d m e well. A s a p a r e n t , I r e c o g n i z e d t h a t i t g o t i n m y way. I h a d t o give i t u p . I d o n o t miss it, even t h o u g h I t h o u g h t I would. M a t u r e m e n t a l h e a l t h d e m a n d s t h e ability t o b e flexible. We must be able to continually strike—and restrike—a delicate b a l a n c e a m o n g conflicting n e e d s , goals, duties, a n d responsibilities. T h e e s s e n c e o f this d i s c i p l i n e o f b a l a n c i n g i s u n l e a r n i n g a n d "giving u p " s o m e t h i n g i n ourselves i n o r d e r t o c o n s i d e r new information. While it may seem strange to choose stagnat i o n o v e r flexibility i n o r d e r t o a v o i d t h e p a i n o f g i v i n g u p p a r t s o f t h e self, i t i s u n d e r s t a n d a b l e given t h e d e p t h o f e m o t i o n a l p a i n t h a t m a y b e i n v o l v e d i n d o i n g s o . I n its m a j o r f o r m s , g i v i n g u p i s t h e m o s t p a i n f u l o f h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e s . W h e n giving u p p a r t s o f o u r s e l v e s e n t a i l s g i v i n g u p p e r s o n a l i t y traits, w e l l - e s t a b l i s h e d a n d l e a r n e d patterns of behavior, ideologies, a n d even whole lifestyles, t h e p a i n c a n b e e x c r u c i a t i n g . Yet t h e s e m a j o r f o r m s o f g i v i n g u p a r e r e q u i r e d i f o n e i s t o travel very far o n t h e j o u r n e y o f life t o w a r d e v e r - i n c r e a s i n g m a t u r i t y a n d s p i r i t u a l g r o w t h . A s w i t h a n y g i v i n g u p , t h e b i g g e s t f e a r i s t h a t o n e will b e left totally empty. This is t h e existential fear of n o t h i n g n e s s , of b e i n g n o t h i n g . B u t w h i l e a n y c h a n g e f r o m o n e way t o a n o t h e r r e p r e s e n t s a d e a t h o f t h e o l d way, i t also m a k e s r o o m f o r t h e b i r t h o f a n e w one. I c a n n o t e m p h a s i z e h o w i m p o r t a n t these stages of dying are to the process of unlearning a n d new learning. They are r o u t i n e l y g o n e t h r o u g h n o t o n l y b y i n d i v i d u a l s b u t also b y g r o u p s a n d even entire nations. Consider, for instance, t h e b e h a v i o r of

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t h e U n i t e d States i n V i e t n a m . W h e n e v i d e n c e f i r s t b e g a n t o acc u m u l a t e in 1963 a n d 1964 that o u r policies in V i e t n a m were n o t w o r k i n g , w h a t was o u r n a t i o n ' s f i r s t r e a c t i o n ? D e n i a l . N o t h i n g was really w r o n g . All w e n e e d e d was a few m o r e S p e c i a l F o r c e s t r o o p s a n d a few m o r e m i l l i o n s o f d o l l a r s . T h e n , i n 1 9 6 6 a n d 1967, as evidence c o n t i n u e d to a c c u m u l a t e t h a t o u r policies w e r e n o t w o r k i n g a n d o b v i o u s l y s e r i o u s l y flawed, w h a t was the g o v e r n m e n t ' s reaction? Anger. T h e day of the body c o u n t b e g a n . A n d M y Lai. A n d t o r t u r e . A n d b o m b i n g s u c h t h a t w e were going to turn North Vietnam into an American parking lot. B y 1 9 6 9 a n d 1 9 7 0 , w h e n t h e e v i d e n c e was n o w m a s s i v e t h a t o u r p o l i c i e s i n V i e t n a m w e r e a f a i l u r e , o u r n e x t r e s p o n s e was t o a t t e m p t t o " b a r g a i n " o u r way o u t o f V i e t n a m . W e selectively stopped b o m b i n g h e r e as a carrot a n d started b o m b i n g there as a stick, t h i n k i n g t h a t w e c o u l d s o m e h o w b r i n g N o r t h V i e t n a m t o t h e n e g o t i a t i n g t a b l e . B u t i t c o n t i n u e d t o fail. A l t h o u g h s o m e of us as individuals at the time w e n t t h r o u g h a s i g n i f i c a n t d e p r e s s i o n o v e r t h e war, o u r g o v e r n m e n t l e d t h e majority of A m e r i c a n s to believe that s o m e h o w we s u c c e e d e d in b a r g a i n i n g o u r way o u t o f V i e t n a m . W e d i d n o t b a r g a i n o u r way o u t o f V i e t n a m . W e w e r e d e f e a t e d . W e f l e d w i t h o v e r h a l f a mill i o n m e n . B e c a u s e , a s a n a t i o n , w e g e n e r a l l y failed a t t h e t i m e t o d o t h e w o r k o f d e p r e s s i o n i n v o l v e d i n t h i s t r a g e d y , t h e r e was little e v i d e n c e t h a t w e l e a r n e d a n y l e s s o n a s a r e s u l t . O n l y r e cently, twenty-five y e a r s a f t e r t h e fact, d o e s i t l o o k a s i f w e m a y have d o n e s o m e portion of the work of that depression a n d c o m e to a m o d i c u m of humility in o u r international relations. T o l e a r n s o m e t h i n g new, w e s o o f t e n h a v e t o e m p t y o u r selves o f t h e o l d . T h i s c a n b e b o t h a n i n d i v i d u a l a n d a g r o u p p r o c e s s , a n d in The Different Drum I d e s c r i b e it in s o m e d e p t h as "emptiness," o n e of t h e stages of c o m m u n i t y - m a k i n g . T h e r e , I wrote that a g r o u p going t h r o u g h the stage of e m p t i n e s s — t h e m o s t critical s t a g e o f its l e a r n i n g — s e e m s f o r all t h e w o r l d like a n o r g a n i s m g o i n g t h r o u g h its d e a t h t h r o e s . T h i s p e r i o d c a n b e excruciatingly painful. It is also t h e p e r i o d w h e n t h e g r o u p c o m m i t s itself t o l e a r n i n g — w h i c h i s also t o c o m m i t itself t o u n -

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learning that which is obstructive a n d o u t d a t e d a n d unworkable. W h e n w e a r e g o i n g t h r o u g h p a i n individually o r collectively, we o f t e n feel as if t h e p a i n will last forever. B u t in t h e cycle o f life, t h e r e i s always o p p o r t u n i t y for r e n e w a l . H o p e i s t h e f o u n d a t i o n o f t h e r e b i r t h i n g t h a t m a y follow d e a t h a n d c h a n g e . S o w h e n i t i s w o r k e d t h r o u g h , t h e s t a g e o f d e p r e s s i o n i s inevitably f o l l o w e d b y t h e s t a g e o f a c c e p t a n c e . S o m e o n e i n a n a u dience once asked me w h e t h e r long-term marriages go t h r o u g h t h e s e s t a g e s , a n d I said t h e y d o i n d e e d . Initially, a s d i f f e r e n c e s b e t w e e n p a r t n e r s e m e r g e , o u r first t e n d e n c y i s t o try t o d e n y t h o s e d i f f e r e n c e s a n d d e n y t h a t w e h a v e fallen o u t o f l o v e . W h e n we can no l o n g e r d e n y that, we get angry at o u r spouse for b e i n g different from us. W h e n t h a t eventually d o e s n ' t get us a n y w h e r e a n d o u r s p o u s e d o e s n ' t c h a n g e , w e try t o b a r g a i n i n s o m e m a n n e r o r a n o t h e r — " I ' l l c h a n g e i n this way i f y o u ' l l c h a n g e i n t h a t way." W h e n t h a t d o e s n ' t w o r k , t h e n w e t e n d t o b e c o m e d e p r e s s e d a n d t h e m a r r i a g e looks very doubtful. B u t i f w e c a n h a n g i n t h e r e — o f t e n for a p e r i o d o f m a n y y e a r s , a n d i n t h e case o f m y m a r r i a g e t o Lily i t was c l o s e t o twenty years—we can finally learn h o w to accept o u r spouse a n d c a n c o m e , a s Lily a n d I h a v e d o n e , t o a r e l a t i o n s h i p t h a t i s b e t t e r t h a n r o m a n t i c love a n d e v e n s e e m s t o p a r t a k e o f glory. B u t m a n y p e o p l e s e e m to believe a m a r r i a g e that e x p e r i e n c e s these s t a g e s i s n o t a g o o d o n e a t all, a s i f l o n g - t e r m r e l a t i o n s h i p s m u s t b e totally s m o o t h sailing. I n fact, this i s o n e o f t h e p r i m a r y illusions we m u s t o v e r c o m e . I am r e m i n d e d of a w o m a n w h o rem a r k e d , "Scotty, I very m u c h l i k e d In Search of Stones, b u t it was s o sad." I w a s n ' t s u r e w h a t s h e m e a n t b y "sad," b u t I i m a g i n e s h e t h o u g h t i t was s a d b e c a u s e s h e b e l i e v e d t h a t a m a r r i a g e s h o u l d n ' t g o t h r o u g h all o f t h e d o w n e r s I w r o t e a b o u t t h e r e . Yet I b e l i e v e t h a t In Search of Stones is u l t i m a t e l y a t r i u m p h a n t b o o k . I n d e e d , d e s p i t e all t h e u p s a n d d o w n s — t h r o u g h t h e d e a t h o f ill u s i o n s a n d t h e r e b i r t h s o f t r u s t a n d a c c e p t a n c e — t h a t Lily a n d I e x p e r i e n c e d , we have e m e r g e d with a greater d e g r e e of understanding t h a n either of us could have ever envisioned.

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So t h e stage of dying is followed by t h e stage of rebirth, w h i c h initially m a y b e a s p a i n f u l a s t h e d y i n g . I n C h a p t e r 1 , I r e counted how many of my patients went t h r o u g h a "therapeutic d e p r e s s i o n " w h e n t h e o l d way was n o l o n g e r t e n a b l e a n d t h e n e w ways s e e m e d i m p o s s i b l y difficult, w h e n t h e y c o u l d n o t g o b a c k w a r d b u t w e r e u n w i l l i n g t o g o f o r w a r d b e c a u s e t h e n e w way s e e m e d so i n c r e d i b l y risky. I d e s c r i b e t h i s risk in A Bed by the Window, w h e r e , i n t h e c o u r s e o f t h e r a p y , H e a t h e r m a k e s t h e terrifying d e c i s i o n t o f i n a l l y d i s c a r d h e r " o l d t a p e s " o r m a l a d a p t i v e ways o f r e l a t i n g t o m e n a n d e x p e r i m e n t w i t h " n e w t a p e s . " T h e s e two p r o c e s s e s a r e i n e x t r i c a b l e , b u t e x p e r i m e n t i n g w i t h a n e w t a p e is j u s t as terrifying as d i s c a r d i n g an old o n e . A l t h o u g h a n o l d t a p e m a y b e d e m o n s t r a t i v e l y ineffective, i t m a y still feel c o m f o r t a b l e , f i t t i n g like a n o l d s h o e . T h e n e w t a p e — w h i c h m a y r e q u i r e u s t o d o t h i n g s i n ways totally d i f f e r e n t f r o m t h o s e t h a t w e r e initially c o m f o r t a b l e , a n d t h a t o u r p a r e n t s t a u g h t u s , a n d , i n d e e d , t h a t o u r w h o l e c u l t u r e h a s e n d o r s e d — m a y s e e m incredibly d a n g e r o u s . B u t l e a r n i n g is an a d v e n t u r e . We m u s t have a taste for it to s o m e e x t e n t , s i n c e all a d v e n t u r e i s g o i n g i n t o t h e u n k n o w n . I f w e always k n o w e x a c t l y w h e r e w e ' r e g o i n g , h o w t o g e t t h e r e , a n d w h a t w e ' l l s e e o r e x p e r i e n c e a l o n g t h e way, i t i s n ' t a n a d v e n t u r e . I t i s h u m a n — a n d s m a r t — t o b e afraid o f t h e u n k n o w n , t o b e a t l e a s t a tiny b i t s c a r e d w h e n e m b a r k i n g o n a n a d v e n t u r e . B u t i t i s o n l y f r o m a d v e n t u r e s t h a t w e l e a r n m u c h o f significance, where we can be exposed to the new and unexpected.

LEARNING AS ADVENTURE Entering psychotherapy is often o n e of the greatest adventures in life. F o r o n e w o m a n I'll call T a m m y , it was a b o u t w i t h lifethreatening depression in h e r mid-twenties that compelled h e r to seek help. T h e source of h e r depression a n d the dynamics of h e r c a s e w e r e a classic e x a m p l e o f a n i n d i v i d u a l o p e r a t i n g u n d e r t h e i l l u s i o n o f p e r f e c t i o n i s m . F o r m u c h o f h e r y o u n g life,

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T a m m y h a d u n k n o w i n g l y d e v e l o p e d self-imposed, unrealistic s t a n d a r d s a n d t r i e d t o live u p t o e x a g g e r a t e d e x p e c t a t i o n s s h e t h o u g h t others h a d of her. T h e seeds of perfectionism h a d b e e n planted early—and w e r e costly. A s i s typical o f m a n y s u c h p a t i e n t s , T a m m y h a d g r o w n u p i n a n a l c o h o l i c family. A s a c h i l d , s h e was i n m a n y ways f o r c e d t o t a k e o n a d u l t r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s , b e c a u s e o f t h e e m o t i o n a l a b s e n c e o f h e r m o t h e r , w h o was i n c a p a c i t a t e d b y d e p r e s s i o n a n d a s e r i o u s d r i n k i n g p r o b l e m , a n d b e c a u s e h e r fat h e r was m o s t l y a b s e n t . I n t h e a t t e m p t t o rise t o t h e o c c a s i o n , s h e was r e q u i r e d t o h e l p r a i s e h e r y o u n g e r s i b l i n g s . T h i s m e a n t , o f c o u r s e , t h a t s h e d i d n ' t h a v e m u c h o f a life o f h e r o w n i n elem e n t a r y school a n d h e r early h i g h school years. Given t h e conf u s i o n o f h o m e life, s c h o o l b e c a m e t h e p l a c e w h e r e T a m m y felt m o s t c o m p e t e n t . I t was a l s o t h e o n e p l a c e s h e r e c e i v e d n u r t u r i n g a s t h e c h i l d s h e t r u l y was, r a t h e r t h a n b e i n g r e q u i r e d t o p r o vide it to others. This led to h e r excelling academically; u l t i m a t e l y , s h e b e c a m e t h e f i r s t i n h e r family t o g r a d u a t e f r o m college. A l t h o u g h i t was a n u n s p o k e n a s s u m p t i o n , T a m m y i n t e r p r e t e d living u p t o a self-image t h a t e n t a i l e d p e r f e c t i o n i s m a s r e q u i r i n g t h a t s h e " h a v e i t all t o g e t h e r . " I t s e e m e d t o h e r t h a t h e r family's e x p e c t a t i o n was t h a t s h e n o t o n l y h a v e i t t o g e t h e r , b u t h a v e i t t o g e t h e r a t all t i m e s . I t was a n i n c r e d i b l y stressful s t a n d a r d t o live u p to, a n d i n m a n y ways a n o p p r e s s i v e o n e . D e e p w i t h i n , o n s o m e level, T a m m y k n e w s h e c o u l d n ' t p o s s i b l y meet the standards of perfectionism. But in attempting to m a i n t a i n this i l l u s i o n , s h e s i m u l t a n e o u s l y f o u n d i t difficult t o a c k n o w l e d g e t h e reality o f h e r l i m i t a t i o n s . T h e p r e s s u r e , b o t h e x t e r n a l a n d internal, eventually led n o t only to physical sympt o m s of distress b u t to t r e m e n d o u s anxiety over several years. At o n e p o i n t T a m m y c o n t e m p l a t e d suicide, although she never a c t e d o n it. D u r i n g long-term therapy, she learned that the primary s o u r c e o f h e r d e p r e s s i o n was h e r a t t e m p t t o live u p t o a stand a r d t o o h i g h t o m e e t a n d h e r l a c k o f h e r o w n t r u e i d e n t i t y . Alt h o u g h o n t h e s u r f a c e s h e s e e m e d self-assured a n d i n d e p e n d e n t

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t o m o s t w h o m e t h e r , h e r self-image h a d b e e n c e n t e r e d p r i m a r ily a r o u n d w h a t o t h e r p e o p l e t h o u g h t o r e x p e c t e d o f h e r . Initially, m u c h o f T a m m y ' s c o n v e r s a t i o n d u r i n g t h e r a p y r e volved a r o u n d h e r p e r c e p t i o n of herself as a victim. S h e gave a litany o f complaints a b o u t w h a t others h a d d o n e t o h e r o r n o t d o n e for her. After a c o u p l e of m o n t h s g o i n g b a c k a n d forth a b o u t this, s h e f i n a l l y b e g a n t o c o n s i d e r w h a t h e r o w n r o l e i n h e r victimization h a d b e e n . In d o i n g so, she e x p e r i e n c e d a dram a t i c t u r n i n g p o i n t . S h e r e a l i z e d s h e h a d a c h o i c e a f t e r all. T h i s was a c c o m p a n i e d b y a d e c i s i o n t o a c k n o w l e d g e t h a t s h e h a d some limitations, even if others wanted to continue placing h e r o n a p e d e s t a l b e c a u s e s h e was t h e f i r s t i n h e r family t o g o t o college. As she s t o p p e d talking so m u c h a b o u t "them" a n d s t a r t e d o w n i n g h e r o w n f e e l i n g s , u s i n g " I " s t a t e m e n t s , s h e felt a sense of personal power she h a d never known. O n c e , as h a r d as i t was t o a d m i t , s h e said s h e r e a l i z e d t h a t a f o r m e r b o y f r i e n d h a d taken advantage o f h e r kindness n o t simply a n d only bec a u s e h e was a j e r k , b u t a l s o i n l a r g e p a r t b e c a u s e s h e k e p t giving m u c h m o r e than she received in the relationship. A s T a m m y g o t m o r e i n t o u c h w i t h t h e ways s h e h a d b e e n s o c i a l i z e d s i n c e c h i l d h o o d t o t a k e o n t h e r o l e o f family r e s c u e r a n d martyr, she b e c a m e clearer a b o u t h o w a s a n adult she h a d c o n t i n u a l l y b a s e d h e r self-image o n t h i s r o l e . E v e n m o r e surp r i s i n g — a n d h u m b l i n g — w a s h e r discovery that she s o m e w h a t e n j o y e d t h e p s y c h o l o g i c a l payoff. I t e n h a n c e d h e r e g o t o b e t h e family savior a n d t h e g i r l f r i e n d w h o t r i e d t o b e " g o o d " all t h e t i m e . Still, t h e p r i c e s h e p a i d was t o o g r e a t . I n h i n d s i g h t , T a m m y was a b l e t o d i s c e r n t h a t s h e h a d a t l e a s t passively c o m p l i e d w i t h h e r o w n p r e d i c a m e n t . T h e n s h e f a c e d t h e fact t h a t s h e h a d felt u s e d , a n d b e c a m e a n g r y a t h e r family, f r i e n d s , a n d p r e v i o u s b o y f r i e n d s f o r t h e d e m a n d s t h e y p l a c e d o n h e r . C o m p l i c a t i n g m a t t e r s , h o w e v e r , was t h e g u i l t s h e felt a t t i m e s : a f t e r all, i t s e e m e d t h a t h e r p r o b l e m s w e r e i r r e l e vant a n d m i n o r in comparison to the p r o b l e m s of poverty a n d p o o r e d u c a t i o n t h a t b e s e t m o s t i n h e r family. E v e n m o s t o f h e r boyfriends up to that point h a d n o t achieved as m u c h as she had.

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As h e r process of healing c o n t i n u e d , T a m m y d e c i d e d to red e f i n e w h a t e x p e c t a t i o n s s h e s h o u l d realistically h a v e f o r h e r self. " I c a m e t o t h e r e a l i z a t i o n t h a t m a k i n g m i s t a k e s o n l y m a d e m e h u m a n , n o t a t o t a l d i s g r a c e . I've l e a r n e d t h a t n o t b e i n g p e r fect d o e s n ' t m e a n t h a t I a m totally i m p e r f e c t , e i t h e r . I t i s n o t a b l a c k o r w h i t e m a t t e r , b u t h a s m a n y s h a d e s o f gray. I k n o w I c a n b e o k a y e v e n w h e n I m a k e m i s t a k e s . I c a n still v a l u e myself, s t r e n g t h s , w a r t s , a n d all," s h e said, t h e n c h u c k l e d . A s h u m b l i n g a s t h e " b a d stuff" s h e l e a r n e d a b o u t h e r s e l f was, i t was e q u a l l y u p l i f t i n g t o h e r — a n d s u r p r i s i n g — t o r e a l i z e h e r r e a l s t r e n g t h s , t h e " g o o d stuff" s h e l e a r n e d i n t h e p r o c e s s of therapy. For o n e thing, as she loosened the grip of perfect i o n i s m , T a m m y b e c a m e less h a r s h a n d less strict a b o u t j u d g i n g herself. S h e e x p e r i e n c e d a c a t h a r t i c m o m e n t w h e n , a s k e d d u r i n g t h e r a p y t o p i c t u r e h e r s e l f a s a c h i l d , s h e c r i e d w h e n s h e felt e m p a t h y t o w a r d herself. S h e l e a r n e d t o give h e r s e l f c r e d i t f o r h a v i n g s u r v i v e d a difficult c h i l d h o o d a n d f o r h a v i n g t h r i v e d i n s p i t e of it. An even greater b r e a k t h r o u g h c a m e as she realized that t h e u n h e a l t h y n e e d o f p e r f e c t i o n i s m h a d g o t t e n i n t h e way o f a d m i t t i n g h e r n e e d s for affection a n d s u p p o r t from o t h e r s . " M a y b e i t h a s n ' t s i m p l y b e e n a m a t t e r o f m y f r i e n d s a n d family n o t b e i n g willing t o h e l p m e . P e r h a p s I d i d n ' t a l l o w t h e m t o d o s o s i n c e I s e e m e d t o h a v e i t all t o g e t h e r , " s h e said. S o s h e m a d e a goal to practice assertiveness by asking for h e l p from o t h e r s p e r i o d i c a l l y , a n d t o w o r k o n h e r difficulty w i t h r e c e i v i n g s i n c e s h e h a d b e c o m e s o a c c u s t o m e d t o giving. S h e was e l a t e d t o r e p o r t t h a t o n e day, w h e n s o m e o n e t o l d h e r h e t h o u g h t s h e was b o t h s m a r t a n d p r e t t y , s h e was a b l e t o r e s p o n d w i t h a g r a c i o u s thank-you r a t h e r t h a n recite reasons to dismiss t h e compliment. A l t h o u g h s h e f i r s t e n t e r e d t h e r a p y w h e n s h e felt s h e h a d n o o t h e r c h o i c e — " I was lost, I was b r o k e n , " s h e s a i d — T a m m y f o u n d the process q u i t e rewarding, even spiritually renewing. "As I b e c a m e c o n s c i o u s o f m y o w n l i m i t a t i o n s , I n o l o n g e r h e l d h i g h e x p e c t a t i o n s f o r m e t o m e e t i n e v e r y a r e a o f life. N o w I ' m

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m o r e likely t o give m y b e s t i n t h o s e t h i n g s t h a t a r e i m p o r t a n t t o m e , a n d l e t o t h e r p e o p l e p u l l t h e i r o w n w e i g h t s o I w o n ' t feel r e s p o n s i b l e f o r t h e w h o l e w o r l d , " s h e said. " W h e n I t h i n k a b o u t it, h o w a r r o g a n t i t was o f m e t o t h i n k I h a d t o b e i n v o l v e d i n e v e r y t h i n g f o r i t t o t u r n o u t r i g h t . N o w I've l e a r n e d t o sit i n t h e b a c k g r o u n d m o r e a n d n o t feel I h a v e t o t a k e c a r e o f e v e r y t h i n g a n d e v e r y b o d y . It's v e r y l i b e r a t i n g . In a very r e a l s e n s e , I feel I've b e e n able to gradually restore my humanity, as o d d as that may sound." The Spirituality of Imperfection, by E r n e s t K u r t z a n d K a t h e r i n e K e t c h a m , s p e a k s d i r e c t l y t o t h e j o u r n e y o f t h o s e like T a m m y w h o are recovering from perfectionism. Such individuals, in facing t h e t r u t h o f t h e i r limitations, b e c o m e m o r e spiritually aware—if they are o p e n to it—through the humility of c o m i n g clean a n d getting real. S o m e t i m e s it's h a r d t o d i s t i n g u i s h w h e t h e r i t i s c o u r a g e o r desperation (the urgency that comes from hitting rock bottom) that leads s o m e o n e to e m b a r k on the adventure of psychotherapy. I a m r e m i n d e d o f s o m e t h i n g said b y t h e g r e a t e s t t e a c h e r I know of next to Jesus: Jalal ad-Din ar-Rumi, a thirteenth-century M u s l i m mystic. R u m i said: " O r g a n s evolve i n r e s p o n s e t o n e c e s sity. T h e r e f o r e , i n c r e a s e y o u r necessity." S o I b e l i e v e t h a t t h e acc e p t a n c e o f n e c e s s i t y i s a n a c t o f c o u r a g e itself. T h u s , e v e n w h e n necessity—or feeling desperate—seems the c o n s u m i n g m o t i v a t i o n , i t still t a k e s c o u r a g e t o e n t e r t h e r a p y b e c a u s e i t i s truly a s t e p i n t o t h e u n k n o w n . O n e i s e x p o s i n g o n e s e l f t o t h e t h e r a p i s t a n d h a s n o i d e a w h a t c h a l l e n g e s o n e will r e c e i v e . W h e n p e o p l e e n t e r therapy, o p e n i n g themselves to challenge, they d o n o t k n o w what they a r e g o i n g t o l e a r n a b o u t t h e m selves, b u t t h e y a r e g e n e r a l l y c e r t a i n t h a t t h e y a r e g o i n g t o discover s o m e "bad things." In my e x p e r i e n c e with patients, j u s t as it is true that in the course of therapy they learn unanticipated " b a d t h i n g s , " t h e y also virtually always l e a r n u n a n t i c i p a t e d "good things" about themselves. O n e t h i n g t h a t n e v e r c e a s e s t o a m a z e m e i s h o w relatively few p e o p l e u n d e r s t a n d w h a t c o u r a g e is. M o s t p e o p l e t h i n k i t i s

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t h e a b s e n c e o f fear. T h e a b s e n c e o f f e a r i s n o t c o u r a g e ; t h e a b s e n c e o f f e a r i s s o m e k i n d o f b r a i n d a m a g e . C o u r a g e i s t h e cap a c i t y t o g o a h e a d i n s p i t e o f fear, o r i n s p i t e o f p a i n . W h e n y o u d o t h a t , y o u will f i n d t h a t o v e r c o m i n g t h e f e a r will n o t o n l y m a k e y o u s t r o n g e r b u t will b e a b i g s t e p f o r w a r d t o w a r d m a t u rity. W h e n I w r o t e The Road Less Traveled, I n e v e r g a v e a definition of maturity, b u t I did describe in the b o o k a n u m b e r of imm a t u r e people. It seems to me that what most characterizes i m m a t u r e p e o p l e i s t h a t t h e y sit a r o u n d c o m p l a i n i n g t h a t life doesn't m e e t their demands. On the other hand, what charact e r i z e s t h o s e r e l a t i v e few w h o a r e fully m a t u r e i s t h a t t h e y r e gard it as their responsibility—even as an opportunity—to m e e t life's d e m a n d s . I n d e e d , w h e n w e r e a l i z e t h a t e v e r y t h i n g t h a t h a p p e n s to us has b e e n designed to teach us what we n e e d to k n o w o n o u r j o u r n e y o f life, w e b e g i n t o s e e life f r o m a n e n tirely d i f f e r e n t p e r s p e c t i v e . A u n i q u e — a n d m a t u r e — p e r s p e c t i v e is d e f i n i t e l y n e c e s sary for f a c i n g life's u l t i m a t e a d v e n t u r e . T h e r e i s o n l y o n e a d venture I know of greater t h a n that of entering serious psychotherapy: the final adventure of death. No matter what o u r b e l i e f system, w e d o n o t k n o w f o r c e r t a i n w h e r e o r h o w w e shall f i n d o u r s e l v e s w h e n t h e a d v e n t u r e o f d e a t h i s c o m p l e t e d . W h a t a g o i n g i n t o t h e u n k n o w n i t is! S i n c e d e a t h a n d d y i n g m a k e u p t h e g r e a t e s t o f all life's a d v e n t u r e s , i t i s n o a c c i d e n t t h a t this t i m e i s n o t o n l y o u r f i n a l o p p o r t u n i t y for l e a r n i n g b u t o u r g r e a t e s t o n e . A s a p s y c h o t h e r apist, I h a v e f o u n d t h a t m y m o s t fulfilling o p p o r t u n i t y h a s b e e n w o r k i n g with dying patients. This may s e e m paradoxical until it i s r e a l i z e d t h a t t h o s e w h o a r e clearly d y i n g m a y b e a w a r e t h a t t h e y d o n o t h a v e m u c h t i m e left. I say " m a y " b e c a u s e t h e a w a r e n e s s is a c h o i c e . As I h a v e a l r e a d y i n d i c a t e d , m o s t c h o o s e to d e n y t h e i r d y i n g , a n d h e n c e d e n y t h e m s e l v e s t h e l e a r n i n g involved. But w h e n they c h o o s e to a c c e p t t h a t they a r e d y i n g — t h a t t h e y h a v e v e r y little t i m e l e f t — t h e y m a y m a k e t h e m o s t e x t r a o r d i n a r y l e a p s o f g r o w t h w i t h i n t h e i r f i n a l days o r w e e k s

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o n e a r t h . W e h a v e all h e a r d tales n o t o n l y o f d e a t h b e d c o n f e s s i o n s a n d c o n v e r s i o n s , b u t also o f d r a m a t i c r e p e n t a n c e , forg i v e n e s s , a n d r e c o n c i l i a t i o n . W e h e a r t h e s e tales b e c a u s e t h e y a r e t r u e . D y i n g m a y b e t h e t i m e o f o u r g r e a t e s t glory. I n d e e d , this s u b j e c t is so i m p o r t a n t t h a t I will r e t u r n to it in t h e n e x t c h a p t e r , " P e r s o n a l Life C h o i c e s . " L e t i t s i m p l y b e s a i d h e r e t h a t t h e c h o i c e t o d i e well c a n b e m a d e o n l y b y t h o s e w h o h a v e m a d e t h e c h o i c e f o r l e a r n i n g , w h o h a v e d e v e l o p e d t h e attitude that l e a r n i n g is c e n t r a l — e v e n as essential as s h e l t e r — t o living. C h o o s i n g t o d i e well i s a n i n h e r e n t p a r t o f c h o o s i n g t o l e a r n h o w t o live well.

VALUES AND LEARNING CHOICES T h r e e factors play central roles in o u r l e a r n i n g : attitude, temp e r a m e n t , a n d values. A l t h o u g h interrelated, insofar as they can be separated, each is a valuable a n d separate c o m p o n e n t in l e a r n i n g i n a n d o f itself. Because attitude is one's acquired disposition or general a p p r o a c h t o v i e w i n g t h i n g s , i t u n d o u b t e d l y affects o n e ' s ability t o l e a r n . A n a t h e i s t h a s a n " a t t i t u d e " a b o u t r e l i g i o n t h a t will affect h i s p e r c e p t i o n o f t h i n g s . A n a l c o h o l i c m a n w h o i s s u p e r f i cially r e l i g i o u s m a y still h a v e a n e g a t i v e a t t i t u d e t o w a r d AA in g e n e r a l b e c a u s e t h e n o t i o n "to b e c o m e powerless" is a n a t h e m a to h i m . To what extent an attitude is learned or inborn is h a r d to d e t e r m i n e , b u t t h e r e is reason to believe that m u c h of it is nurtured by o u r environment. Everybody has an "attitude" probl e m i n t h o s e a r e a s w h e r e h e d o e s n ' t t h i n k well o r i s m o s t l y negative. We t e n d to learn better in areas where we have a positive a t t i t u d e . F o r e x a m p l e , t h e m o r e f r i g h t e n e d y o u a r e — i f y o u feel y o u ' r e always h a v i n g t o d e f e n d o r p r o t e c t y o u r s e l f — t h e less likely y o u a r e t o b e o p e n t o l e a r n i n g a b o u t a p a r t i c u l a r s u b j e c t or experience. Thus, part of learning is b e c o m i n g conscious of o u r attitudes a n d calling t h e m into question. Of course, we

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c a n ' t d o this all t h e t i m e . B u t j u s t a s a p a t i e n t will s e t a s i d e t i m e f o r t h e r a p y , w e c a n set a s i d e t i m e t o q u e s t i o n a n d t h i n k a b o u t o u r o w n a t t i t u d e s w i t h i m p u n i t y i n a n a t m o s p h e r e o f safety. T e m p e r a m e n t refers to t h e biological p a r t of o u r personality. It's i n o u r g e n e s . T h a t ' s why, e v e n w h e n c h i l d r e n a r e v e r y y o u n g , p a r e n t s a n d o t h e r s w h o s p e n d a great deal of time with t h e m c a n m a k e fairly a c c u r a t e a s s e s s m e n t s a n d p r e d i c t i o n s a b o u t h o w a n i n d i v i d u a l c h i l d m a y r e s p o n d t o c e r t a i n situations. W h e t h e r t e m p e r a m e n t s are irretrievably established by a certain age or set in stone at birth is a m a t t e r of d e b a t e . Values are those qualities we d e e m i m p o r t a n t . A n d those t h a t w e d e e m m o r e i m p o r t a n t t h a n o t h e r s affect t h e c h o i c e s w e m a k e a n d t h e o p t i o n s w e p e r c e i v e i n life. S i n c e w e c a n n o t l e a r n everything t h e r e is to know, we are faced with t h e o n g o i n g p r o b l e m of m a k i n g choices based primarily on what we value t h e m o s t . C o n s e q u e n t l y , t h r o u g h o u t life w e m u s t m a k e c h o i c e s about what we are going to learn—if we have m a d e the decision t o l e a r n a t all. A s t h e Sufi M u s l i m I d r i e s S h a h s a i d ( a n d I p a r a p h r a s e h i m ) , "It i s n o t e n o u g h t o study. First o n e m u s t d e t e r m i n e w h a t t o s t u d y a n d w h a t n o t t o study. W h e n t o s t u d y a n d w h e n n o t t o study. A n d w h o t o s t u d y w i t h a n d w h o n o t t o s t u d y under." This applies n o t only to focused, academic learning b u t also t o life e x p e r i e n c e s a n d t o c h o i c e s a b o u t w h a t t o give o u r t i m e a n d a t t e n t i o n t o . I n p a r t , I d r i e s S h a h was r e f e r r i n g t o a matter of priorities, a n d n o w h e r e do I s p e n d m o r e of my prayer time t h a n trying to sort o u t my priorities. S o m e of those priorities h a v e t o d o w i t h w h a t t o s t u d y a n d w h a t n o t t o study. B u t probably my most important choice has b e e n that of discerning my values. For instance, t h e value of integrity has c o m e to be very h i g h on my list of p r i o r i t i e s . F r o m The Road Less Traveled, it c a n b e d i s c e r n e d t h a t a n o t h e r two o f m y p r i m a r y v a l u e s a r e d e d i c a t i o n t o reality o r t r u t h a n d t h e a c c e p t a n c e o f a p p r o p r i a t e responsibility. C r i t i c a l t o this issue o f a c c e p t i n g r e s p o n s i b i l i t y has b e e n t h e decision to a c c e p t t h e pain involved in learning. T h e d e d i c a t i o n t o t r u t h i s o n e p a r t o f m y b e i n g a scientist. W h a t w e call t h e scientific m e t h o d i s n o t h i n g m o r e t h a n a s e r i e s

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of conventions a n d p r o c e d u r e s that we have a d o p t e d over t h e c e n t u r i e s i n o r d e r t o c o m b a t o u r very h u m a n t e n d e n c y t o w a n t t o d e c e i v e o u r s e l v e s . W e p r a c t i c e this m e t h o d o u t o f a d e d i c a tion to s o m e t h i n g h i g h e r t h a n o u r i m m e d i a t e intellectual or emotional comfort: namely, the truth. Science, therefore, is an activity s u b m i t t e d t o a h i g h e r p o w e r ( e x c e p t , o f c o u r s e , i n t h o s e i n s t a n c e s w h e n t h e e g o s o f scientists g e t i n t h e way o f t h e i r search for t r u t h ) . Since I believe G o d is t h e e p i t o m e of o u r h i g h e r p o w e r — G o d i s l i g h t , G o d i s love, G o d i s t r u t h — a n y t h i n g t h a t s e e k s t h e s e v a l u e s i s holy. T h u s , w h i l e i t c a n n o t a n swer all q u e s t i o n s , s c i e n c e , in its p r o p e r p l a c e , is a v e r y h o l y activity. H u n t e r Lewis's b o o k A Question of Values d e m o n s t r a t e s t h a t p e o p l e have quite different p r i m a r y values u p o n which they base their decisions a n d t h r o u g h which they interpret the w o r l d . H e lists t h o s e v a l u e s a s e x p e r i e n c e , s c i e n c e , r e a s o n , a u thority, a n d i n t u i t i o n . Lewis i s u n c l e a r a b o u t w h e n w e m a k e o u r c h o i c e of a p r i m a r y v a l u e . P e r h a p s it is n o t a c h o i c e at all b u t is s o m e t h i n g genetic. In any case, if it is a choice, it s e e m s to be m a d e b o t h u n c o n s c i o u s l y a n d passively, d u r i n g c h i l d h o o d . Nevertheless, we have it within o u r power d u r i n g a d u l t h o o d to continually reassess o u r values a n d priorities. As an empiricist, I primarily value e x p e r i e n c e as t h e best r o u t e t o k n o w l e d g e a n d u n d e r s t a n d i n g . B u t Lewis g o e s o n t o talk a b o u t " h y b r i d v a l u e systems," a n d h e r e , t o m e , i s t h e i m p o r t a n c e of his book. If we can b e c o m e aware of o u r p r i m a r y values, t h e n , in a d u l t h o o d , we can deliberately go a b o u t n u r t u r i n g o t h e r values. F o r instance, t h e "authority of t h e Script u r e s " was n o t a g r e a t v a l u e f o r m e d u r i n g m y c h i l d h o o d . E v e n today, I d o n o t c o n s i d e r t h e S c r i p t u r e s t o b e " p e r f e c t " i n t h e i r authority, b u t I delight in studying t h e m , learning t h e m , a n d p u t t i n g t h e m t o u s e . I t i s also i n a d u l t h o o d t h a t I h a v e d e l i b e r ately c h o s e n t o l e a r n f r o m Lily h e r i n t u i t i v e skills, w h i c h I d i d n o t p o s s e s s w h e n I was y o u n g e r . J u s t a s I e x t o l l e d u s i n g b o t h t h e r i g h t b r a i n a n d t h e left b r a i n , s i n c e t h e r e i s m o r e t h a n o n e way that we can learn, so I extoll using multiple values by developi n g a s c o m p l e x a h y b r i d v a l u e system a s p o s s i b l e .

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So we are back to the subject of integrity a n d wholeness. Unlike children, adults can practice integrity by conscious choice. Some people find they're good at learning information o r c o n t e n t skills ( w h i c h t e n d s t o b e a m a s c u l i n e i n c l i n a t i o n ) a n d o t h e r s feel m o r e a d e p t a t r e l a t i o n a l skills ( w h i c h t e n d s t o be a feminine inclination). W h e n we're good at one thing and n o t s o g o o d a t a n o t h e r , w e t e n d t o a v o i d t h e o n e t h a t i s difficult, or to neglect aspects of ourselves that we find u n c o m f o r t a b l e because they are unfamiliar or seem threatening. Many m e n t e n d t o r u n from their f e m i n i n e side, a n d m a n y w o m e n t e n d t o avoid exercising their masculine qualities. In learning wholeness, we must be o p e n to androgyny, to encompassing both feminine and masculine components. We are called to be whole people. T h e words "health," "wholeness," a n d " h o l i n e s s " all h a v e t h e s a m e r o o t . I t i s b o t h o u r p s y c h o l o g i cal a n d o u r s p i r i t u a l t a s k — p a r t i c u l a r l y d u r i n g t h e s e c o n d h a l f o f o u r l i f e — t o w o r k t o w a r d t h e fullest e x p r e s s i o n o f o u r p o t e n tial a s h u m a n b e i n g s , t o b e c o m e t h e b e s t t h a t w e c a n b e . Bec o m i n g w h o l e involves u s i n g o u r l a t e n t t a l e n t s , w h i c h c a n b e l e a r n e d or d e v e l o p e d , b u t usually only with a great deal of practice a n d o f t e n o n l y w i t h t h e m a t u r i t y r e q u i r e d f o r t h e h u m i l i t y t o work o n o u r weak sides. I have told t h e story of my l e a r n i n g e x p e r i e n c e as a t e n n i s player. I h a d b e c o m e q u i t e a d e c e n t t e n n i s p l a y e r b y e a r l y a d o lescence. I h a d a reasonably g o o d serve, a n d while my b a c k h a n d was very w e a k , I h a d a n e x t r a o r d i n a r i l y p o w e r f u l f o r e h a n d . W h a t I d i d , t h e n , was d e v e l o p a p a t t e r n o f " r u n n i n g a r o u n d " m y b a c k h a n d . I w o u l d s t a n d t o t h e left o f t h e c o u r t a n d t a k e every p o s s i b l e s h o t I c o u l d w i t h m y f o r e h a n d . I n this f a s h i o n I was a b l e t o w i p e 9 5 p e r c e n t o f m y o p p o n e n t s off t h e c o u r t . T h e o n l y p r o b l e m was t h e o t h e r 5 p e r c e n t . T h e y w o u l d i m m e d i a t e l y r e a l i z e m y w e a k n e s s a n d h i t t o m y b a c k h a n d , p u l l i n g m e fart h e r a n d f a r t h e r t o t h e left, t h e n h i t c r o s s - c o u r t o u t o f r e a c h o f m y f o r e h a n d a n d w i p e m e off t h e c o u r t . A t t h e a g e o f thirty-two, I r e a l i z e d t h a t if I was e v e r g o i n g to fulfill my p o t e n t i a l as a t e n n i s p l a y e r — t o b e t h e b e s t t h a t I c o u l d b e i n t h e g a m e — I was g o i n g t o h a v e t o w o r k o n m y b a c k h a n d . I t was a h u m b l i n g b u s i n e s s .

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It m e a n t that I had to do what had become profoundly unnatural: stand to the right of the center of the baseline a n d take every possible s h o t I c o u l d on my b a c k h a n d . It m e a n t losing repeatedly to inferior players. A n d it m e a n t t h a t o n l o o k e r s w h o h a d c o m e d o w n t o t h e c o u r t s t o s e e m e play t e n n i s w a t c h e d m e h i t balls two c o u r t s d o w n , o v e r t h e f e n c e , o r d r i b b l e t h e m i n t o the net. But within three m o n t h s I h a d a decent b a c k h a n d for t h e f i r s t t i m e i n m y life a n d , w i t h a w h o l e t e n n i s g a m e , I b e c a m e t h e b e s t p l a y e r i n t h e little i s l a n d c o m m u n i t y w h e r e I t h e n lived. A t w h i c h p o i n t , I t o o k u p golf. T h a t was really h u m b l i n g . F o r m e , golf is so h u m i l i a t i n g (or h u m b l i n g ) t h a t I can neit h e r play it n o r enjoy it unless I r e g a r d it as a l e a r n i n g o p p o r t u nity. I h a v e , i n fact, l e a r n e d a n e x t r a o r d i n a r y a m o u n t a b o u t myself, s u c h a s t h e o u t r a g e o u s n e s s o f m y o w n p e r f e c t i o n i s m a n d t h e d e p t h s o f s e l f - h a t r e d I i n d u l g e i n w h e n I fail t o b e p e r fect. T h r o u g h golf, I a m slowly h e a l i n g m y s e l f o f m y p e r f e c t i o n ism a n d m y m a n y o t h e r i m p e r f e c t i o n s . A n d I d o n ' t t h i n k t h e r e can be any healthier—or m o r e important—way to b e c o m e w h o l e p e r s o n s t h a n w o r k i n g o n o u r weak sides.

LEARNING FROM ROLE MODELS O u r relations with o t h e r s — a n d l e a r n i n g from t h e m — c a n b e o n e o f life's gifts. A s a b l e s s i n g , r o l e m o d e l s h e l p p r e v e n t u s from having to learn everything from scratch, so to speak, since if we are g o o d listeners a n d observers we can avoid s o m e of t h e pitfalls s o m e o n e else h a s f o u n d o n t h e p a t h w e a r e h e a d i n g . B u t w e m u s t c h o o s e wisely w h o m w e e m u l a t e , b e c a u s e r o l e models may be detrimental at times. In childhood, o n e of the r o u t e s f o r l e a r n i n g , for b e t t e r o r f o r w o r s e , i s t h r o u g h o u r p a r ents as primary role models. In adulthood, we have the opportunity to m a k e a deliberate choice of role models; we can n o t only d e c i d e on g o o d role m o d e l s b u t even use negative role models appropriately, as examples of what not to do. A big part of my learning c a m e a b o u t t h r o u g h a negative r o l e m o d e l I h a d i n m y e a r l y p r o f e s s i o n a l y e a r s . I'll call h i m Dr.

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B u m b l e s . Dr. B u m b l e s was a s u p e r v i s i n g p s y c h i a t r i s t a n d a n i c e e n o u g h m a n . B u t all h i s p s y c h i a t r i c i n s t i n c t s w e r e w r o n g . I was in t r a i n i n g at t h e time, a n d t h e first c o u p l e of m o n t h s of my resi d e n c y w e r e t e r r i b l y c o n f u s i n g u n t i l I r e a l i z e d t h a t Dr. B u m b l e s was u s u a l l y w r o n g . A s s o o n a s I d i s c o v e r e d t h a t , h e b e c a m e v e r y useful to me as a negative role m o d e l — a n e x a m p l e of w h a t n o t to do. Usually, I c o u l d tell w h a t was t h e r i g h t t h i n g t o d o b y c o m p a r i n g m y p r o f e s s i o n a l j u d g m e n t s t o Dr. B u m b l e s ' s t h i n k i n g . I f I w e n t t o h i m a n d said, "Well, this m a n i s d i a g n o s e d a s s c h i z o p h r e n i c a n d he kind of looks schizophrenic, b u t he d o e s n ' t q u i t e a c t like a s c h i z o p h r e n i c . . . " a n d Dr. B u m b l e s said, " O h , d e f i n i t e l y — a classic c a s e of s c h i z o p h r e n i a , " I k n e w I was r i g h t to d o u b t t h e d i a g n o s i s . O r i f I said, " T h i s p a t i e n t d o e s n ' t l o o k schizophrenic, b u t I w o n d e r if he may be, because of how he a c t s , " a n d Dr. B u m b l e s r e s p o n d e d , " O h , n o q u e s t i o n , h e i s n o t s c h i z o p h r e n i c , " I k n e w t h e n I was r i g h t t o s u s p e c t s c h i z o p h r e nia. So in learning from others, o n e m u s t keenly perceive the n u a n c e s t h a t allow u s t o distinguish b e t w e e n g o o d a n d b a d t e a c h e r s . B e c a u s e t h e y fail t o m a k e s u c h d i s t i n c t i o n s , m a n y p e o ple develop neuroses w h e n they have h a d bad role models b u t feel t h e y m u s t b e h a v e t h e s a m e way a s t h e i r p a r e n t s o r o t h e r influential adults did. F r o m s o m e elderly patients, for e x a m p l e , I h a v e l e a r n e d a g r e a t d e a l a b o u t w h a t I d o n ' t w a n t f o r myself. T o m e , o n e o f t h e s a d d e s t s i g h t s i n t h e w o r l d i s o l d p e o p l e still tryi n g t o live life a s u s u a l a n d c o n t r o l t h e i r affairs w h e n t h e y ' r e n o l o n g e r c o m p e t e n t t o d o s o . U s u a l l y t h e s e p e o p l e h a v e i n n o way p r e p a r e d for serious a g i n g a n d d e a t h . T h e y have b e c o m e stuck. M a n y will c o n t i n u e t o try t o m a i n t a i n a h o u s e w i t h o u t m u c h h e l p . T h e y will h a v e p a p e r w o r k s t r e w n all o v e r t h e p l a c e , a n d t h e i r affairs Will b e i n t o t a l d i s o r d e r . A l m o s t p a r a d o x i c a l l y , i t was t h e s e p a t i e n t s , w h o c o u l d n o t give u p c o n t r o l , w h o m I o f t e n h a d t o s e n d i n t o n u r s i n g h o m e s a g a i n s t t h e i r will. I t was a t e r r i b l y p a i n f u l t h i n g t o h a v e t o d o . H a d t h e s e p a t i e n t s b e e n willing t o sit b a c k a n d l e a r n t o l e t o t h e r s d o f o r t h e m , t h e y c o u l d h a v e e n j o y e d t h e i r last y e a r s a t

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h o m e . B u t i t was p r e c i s e l y b e c a u s e t h e y r e f u s e d t o l e a r n h o w t o give u p a n y c o n t r o l t h a t t h e i r lives b e c a m e s u c h s h a m b l e s . I a n d t h e i r families h a d t o w r e s t c o n t r o l f r o m t h e m a n d p l a c e t h e m i n institutional settings w h e r e they would be taken care of w h e t h e r they liked it or not. It is from these p o o r souls, as negative role m o d e l s , t h a t I h a v e l e a r n e d t o p r a y a l m o s t daily t h a t w h e n m y t i m e c o m e s I will b e b e t t e r p r e p a r e d a n d a b l e t o give u p w h a t e v e r c o n t r o l I n e e d t o . I n fact, I h a v e a l r e a d y b e g u n t o l e a r n t o d o s o . I o n l y w o r r y t h a t this l e a r n i n g will n o t c o n t i n u e .

G R O U P LEARNING C o n t i n u i n g to l e a r n is a m a t t e r of great i m p o r t a n c e n o t only for i n d i v i d u a l s b u t also f o r g r o u p s . I h a v e s p o k e n o f t h e " e m p t i ness" involved in g r o u p learning, a n d t h e d e a t h throes that entire g r o u p s will g o t h r o u g h i n t h e p r o c e s s o f " u n l e a r n i n g . " I t i s a p h e n o m e n o n I have witnessed m a n y times. For the past dozen years, t h e greatest a d v e n t u r e of my professional life—and learni n g — h a s c o m e from w o r k i n g with o t h e r s i n t h e F o u n d a t i o n for C o m m u n i t y E n c o u r a g e m e n t (FCE). It is t h e mission of FCE to teach the principles of community, by which we m e a n the principles o f healthy c o m m u n i c a t i o n within a n d b e t w e e n g r o u p s . F C E t e a c h e s g r o u p s h o w t o b e h e a l t h y a n d " w h o l e " — e v e n "holy." W h e n g r o u p s are. healthy, their individual m e m b e r s are i n a n e n v i r o n m e n t w h e r e t h e y c a n l e a r n m o r e effectively a n d efficiently—about themselves a n d o t h e r p e o p l e — t h a n in any o t h e r p l a c e . T h e g r o u p itself also l e a r n s . A l t h o u g h i t t a k e s a great deal of work, including the work of unlearning, a g r o u p c a n d e v e l o p a c o n s c i o u s n e s s o f its o w n w h i c h i s wiser a n d g r e a t e r t h a n t h e s u m o f its i n d i v i d u a l m e m b e r s . S u c h g r o u p s c a n b e c o m e e x t r a o r d i n a r i l y effective d e c i s i o n - m a k i n g b o d i e s . Because healthy groups can be so extraordinarily productive i n a d d r e s s i n g e x t r e m e l y c o m p l e x issues, F C E i s w o r k i n g m o r e a n d m o r e in businesses a n d o t h e r organizations. We have learned to build temporary communities in such organizations

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for t h e p u r p o s e o f c o l l a b o r a t i v e d e c i s i o n m a k i n g . I n d e e d , w e h a v e l e a r n e d t o d o this v e r y well. W h a t w e a r e s t r u g g l i n g w i t h n o w i s l e a r n i n g h o w t o h e l p t h e s e o r g a n i z a t i o n s d e v e l o p t h e capacity to m a i n t a i n t h e i n g r e d i e n t s of c o m m u n i t y on their own after F C E ' s i n t e r v e n t i o n — t o be w h a t we call a s u s t a i n a b l e c o m munity, so that such decision m a k i n g a n d healthy g r o u p funct i o n i n g c a n a n d will c o n t i n u e t o o c c u r r o u t i n e l y . O u r work at FCE has dovetailed with that of Peter S e n g e at t h e O r g a n i z a t i o n a l L e a r n i n g C e n t e r o f t h e M a s s a c h u s e t t s Instit u t e of T e c h n o l o g y . In h i s b o o k , The Fifth Discipline, S e n g e coined the term "learning organization," which is synonymous w i t h w h a t w e a t F C E call s u s t a i n a b l e c o m m u n i t y . A l e a r n i n g org a n i z a t i o n m u s t b e a c o m m u n i t y . A s u s t a i n a b l e c o m m u n i t y will b e a l e a r n i n g o r g a n i z a t i o n . T h e key i s s u e , h o w e v e r , i s this m a t t e r o f c o n t i n u i n g l e a r n i n g . I t i s c o m p a r a t i v e l y easy t o h e l p organizations learn temporarily, w h e n they are facing s o m e kind o f crisis. W h a t i s n o t s o easy i s t o t e a c h t h e m h o w t o l e a r n c o n tinually. W e b e l i e v e t h a t g r o u p s c a n b e g i n t o i n t e g r a t e a n e w perspective a b o u t l e a r n i n g w h e n it is seen as an o p p o r t u n i t y for individual a n d collective growth, n o t simply as a b u r d e n to be tolerated such as the equivalent of enrolling in m a n d a t o r y classes o n c e a year. W e h a v e g a i n e d g l i m p s e s o f h o w t o t e a c h this, b u t o n l y g l i m p s e s ; t h e f i e l d i s a t r u e f r o n t i e r . T h e r e is great r e a s o n to believe that t h e m a t t e r of g r o u p h e a l t h is even m o r e significant t h a n that of individual health. J u s t a s i n d i v i d u a l s m u s t c o n t i n u e t o l e a r n i n o r d e r t o survive well, s o m u s t o u r o r g a n i z a t i o n s a n d i n s t i t u t i o n s . T h e survival o f o u r civilization m a y well d e p e n d u p o n w h e t h e r o u r i n s t i t u t i o n s c a n evolve i n t o s u s t a i n a b l e c o m m u n i t i e s a n d h e n c e b e c o m e ongoing learning organizations.

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Wrestling with the Complexity of Everyday Life

CHAPTER

4

Personal Life Choices

PART OF THE COMPLEXITY OF LIFE is t h a t at o n e a n d t h e s a m e t i m e w e a r e i n d i v i d u a l s , m e m b e r s o f family a n d w o r k o r g a n i z a t i o n s , a n d m e m b e r s o f society. I n d e e d , i t i s a l m o s t a r b i t r a r y t o s e p a rate these categories. But it is sometimes necessary to m a k e s u c h arbitrary distinctions in o r d e r to talk a b o u t a n y t h i n g in detail a n d d e p t h . T h e r e f o r e , l e t m e f o c u s first u p o n w h a t I b e l i e v e t o b e t h e m o s t critical o f t h e m a n y c h o i c e s t h a t w e m a k e a s individuals i n o u r hearts a n d m i n d s . A s always, c o n s c i o u s n e s s p r e c e d e s c h o i c e ; w i t h o u t it, t h e r e is no choice. T h u s , t h e single m o s t i m p o r t a n t p e r s o n a l choice t h a t w e c a n m a k e i n o u r lives i s t h e c h o i c e f o r e v e r - i n c r e a s i n g consciousness. Consciousness, however, does n o t m a k e choices easy. T o t h e c o n t r a r y , i t m u l t i p l i e s t h e o p t i o n s . T o give a n e x a m p l e o f t h e c o m p l e x i t y o f c h o i c e s , c o n s i d e r how we m i g h t deal with o u r anger. In the midbrain, there are c o l l e c t i o n s o f n e r v e cells o r c e n t e r s t h a t n o t o n l y g o v e r n b u t a c tually p r o d u c e o u r p o w e r f u l e m o t i o n s . O n e o f t h e s e i s a n a n g e r c e n t e r . In Further Along the Road Less Traveled, I w r o t e t h a t t h e a n g e r c e n t e r i n h u m a n s w o r k s i n e x a c t l y t h e s a m e way a s i t d o e s in o t h e r c r e a t u r e s . It is basically a t e r r i t o r i a l m e c h a n i s m , firing off w h e n a n y o t h e r c r e a t u r e i m p i n g e s u p o n o u r t e r r i t o r y . W e are no different from a d o g fighting a n o t h e r d o g that wanders i n t o its t e r r i t o r y , e x c e p t t h a t f o r h u m a n b e i n g s d e f i n i t i o n s o f territory—or boundaries—are so complex a n d multifaceted. Not only do we have a geographical territory a n d b e c o m e angry

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w h e n s o m e o n e c o m e s u n i n v i t e d o n t o o u r p r o p e r t y a n d starts p i c k i n g o u r f l o w e r s , b u t w e also h a v e a p s y c h o l o g i c a l t e r r i t o r y , a n d w e b e c o m e a n g r y w h e n e v e r a n y o n e criticizes u s . W e a l s o have a theological or an ideological territory, a n d we t e n d to bec o m e a n g r y w h e n e v e r a n y o n e casts a s p e r s i o n s o n o u r b e l i e f syst e m s , e v e n w h e n t h e critic i s a s t r a n g e r t o u s a n d s p e a k i n g i n t o a m i c r o p h o n e t h o u s a n d s of m i l e s away. S i n c e o u r a n g e r c e n t e r i s firing m u c h o f t h e t i m e , a n d oft e n v e r y i n a p p r o p r i a t e l y — s o m e t i m e s o n t h e basis o f p e r c e i v e d , rather than actual, infringements—we n e e d to be flexible in d e a l i n g w i t h s i t u a t i o n s t h a t easily p r o v o k e o u r w r a t h . W e m u s t l e a r n a w h o l e c o m p l e x set o f ways o f d e a l i n g w i t h a n g e r . S o m e t i m e s w e n e e d t o t h i n k , "My a n g e r i s silly a n d i m m a t u r e . It's m y fault." O r s o m e t i m e s w e s h o u l d c o n c l u d e , " T h i s p e r s o n d i d i m p i n g e u p o n m y t e r r i t o r y , b u t i t was a n a c c i d e n t a n d t h e r e ' s n o r e a s o n t o g e t a n g r y a b o u t it." O r , "Well, h e d i d v i o l a t e m y t e r r i t o r y a little bit, b u t it's n o b i g d e a l . It's n o t w o r t h b l o w i n g u p a b o u t . " B u t every o n c e i n a w h i l e , after w e t h i n k a b o u t i t f o r a c o u p l e o f days, w e m a y d i s c e r n t h a t s o m e o n e r e a l l y d i d seriously violate o u r territory. T h e n it m a y be necessary to go to t h a t p e r s o n a n d say, " L i s t e n , I've g o t a r e a l b o n e t o p i c k w i t h you." A n d s o m e t i m e s it m i g h t even be necessary to get angry immediately a n d blast that p e r s o n right o n t h e spot. S o t h e r e a r e a t l e a s t f i v e d i f f e r e n t ways t o r e s p o n d w h e n w e ' r e a n g r y . A n d n o t o n l y d o w e n e e d t o k n o w t h e m , w e also h a v e t o l e a r n w h i c h r e s p o n s e i s a p p r o p r i a t e i n a n y g i v e n situation. This requires extraordinary consciousness of what is going on b o t h inside a n d outside of ourselves. It is no w o n d e r that very few p e o p l e l e a r n h o w t o d e a l well w i t h t h e i r a n g e r b e f o r e t h e y a r e i n t o t h e i r t h i r t i e s o r forties, a n d m a n y n e v e r l e a r n t o do so constructively. I n fact, i t i s t h e ability t o l e a r n h o w t o d e a l w i t h all t h e p r o b l e m s a n d c h a l l e n g e s o f life i n a c o n s t r u c t i v e m a n n e r t h a t defines psychospiritual progress. Conversely, t h a t w h i c h refuses p r o g r e s s i s i n o p p o s i t i o n t o o u r g r o w t h a n d u l t i m a t e l y selfdestructive.

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T H E P A T H O F SMART SELFISHNESS V E R S U S T H E P A T H O F S T U P I D SELFISHNESS T o grow, w e m u s t l e a r n t o d i s c e r n b e t w e e n t h a t w h i c h i s selfd e s t r u c t i v e a n d t h a t w h i c h i s s e l f - c o n s t r u c t i v e . W h e n I was i n p r a c t i c e , I w o u l d n o l o n g e r allow a n y o f m y p a t i e n t s t o u s e t h e w o r d " u n s e l f i s h " a f t e r a b o u t f i v e s e s s i o n s . I w o u l d tell t h e m t h a t I was a t o t a l l y selfish h u m a n b e i n g w h o h a d n e v e r d o n e anyt h i n g f o r a n y o n e o r a n y t h i n g else. W h e n I w a t e r e d m y flowers, I d i d n o t say t o t h e m , " O h , l o o k , flowers, w h a t I ' m d o i n g f o r y o u . Y o u o u g h t t o b e g r a t e f u l t o m e . " I was d o i n g i t b e c a u s e I l i k e d p r e t t y flowers. Similarly, w h e n I e x t e n d e d myself f o r o n e o f m y c h i l d r e n i t was b e c a u s e I l i k e d t o h a v e a n i m a g e o f myself in my m i n d as a reasonably d e c e n t father a n d a reasonably h o n est m a n . I n o r d e r t o m a i n t a i n t h o s e two i m a g e s s i d e b y s i d e w i t h a n y integrity, e v e r y s o o f t e n I h a d t o e x t e n d myself b e y o n d w h a t I m i g h t n o r m a l l y feel like d o i n g . B e s i d e s , I also like p r e t t y children. T h e truth is that we rarely do anything without s o m e gain or benefit to ourselves, however small or subtle. M a k i n g a don a t i o n t o c h a r i t y h e l p s m e feel g o o d . S o m e o n e w h o c l a i m s t o b e "sacrificing" a w e l l - p a y i n g j o b r i g h t o u t o f u n d e r g r a d u a t e s c h o o l i n o r d e r t o g o o n t o law s c h o o l s o s h e c a n " b e t t e r s e r v e society" i s a l s o b e t t e r s e r v i n g herself. A w o m a n w h o "sacrifices" b y staying a t h o m e t o raise h e r c h i l d r e n r a t h e r t h a n g o i n g o u t t o w o r k m a y d o s o b e c a u s e s h e " b e l i e v e s i n family," b u t s h e also personally benefits f r o m this decision. We c a n l o o k at m o n k s a n d n u n s a n d t h i n k , " G o d , h o w u n s e l f i s h t h e y a r e . L o o k a t all t h a t t h e y h a v e sacrificed: sex, family life, p e r s o n a l p r o p e r t y o w n e r s h i p , a n d , i n s o m e ways, e v e n a u t o n o m y o v e r t h e i r o w n lives." B u t t h e y a r e i n i t f o r t h e s a m e selfish r e a s o n a s a n y o n e else. T h e y h a v e d e c i d e d t h a t f o r t h e m t h a t i s t h e b e s t p a t h t o w a r d joy. S o s e l f i s h n e s s i s n ' t always a s i m p l e m a t t e r . W h a t I w o u l d d o was ask o f m y p a t i e n t s t h a t t h e y d i s t i n g u i s h b e t w e e n t h e p a t h o f smart selfishness a n d t h e p a t h o f s t u p i d selfishness. T h e p a t h o f

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s t u p i d selfishness i s t r y i n g t o a v o i d all p a i n . T h e p a t h o f s m a r t selfishness i s t r y i n g t o d i s c e r n w h i c h p a i n o r s u f f e r i n g , p a r t i c u larly e m o t i o n a l s u f f e r i n g , i s c o n s t r u c t i v e a n d w h i c h i s u n c o n structive. Because I write a g r e a t deal a b o u t p a i n a n d suffering a n d d i s c i p l i n e , a l o t o f p e o p l e t h i n k I a m s o m e k i n d o f p a i n freak. I am n o t a p a i n freak, I am a j o y freak. I s e e no v a l u e w h a t s o e v e r is unconstructive suffering. If I have an o r d i n a r y h e a d a c h e t h e very f i r s t t h i n g I a m g o i n g t o d o i s g e t myself two s u p e r - s t r e n g t h uncapsulized acetaminophens. T h e r e is no virtue i n h e r e n t in that h e a d a c h e , either p e r se or to m e . I see absolutely no value i n such u n c o n s t r u c t i v e suffering. O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , t h e r e a r e types o f s u f f e r i n g i n this life f r o m w h i c h w e h a v e m a n y c o n structive things to learn. My p r e f e r r e d words for "constructive" a n d "unconstructive" a r e , respectively, " e x i s t e n t i a l " a n d " n e u r o t i c . " E x i s t e n t i a l s u f f e r i n g i s a n i n h e r e n t p a r t o f e x i s t e n c e a n d c a n n o t b e legitim a t e l y a v o i d e d — f o r e x a m p l e , t h e s u f f e r i n g i n v o l v e d i n growing u p a n d l e a r n i n g t o b e i n d e p e n d e n t ; t h e suffering involved in learning how to b e c o m e i n t e r d e p e n d e n t a n d even depend e n t a g a i n ; t h e s u f f e r i n g t h a t i s a s s o c i a t e d w i t h loss a n d g i v i n g u p ; t h e s u f f e r i n g o f o l d a g e a n d d y i n g . F r o m all t h e s e k i n d s o f suffering we have a great deal to learn. N e u r o t i c suffering, on t h e o t h e r h a n d , i s t h a t e m o t i o n a l s u f f e r i n g w h i c h i s n o t a n inh e r e n t part of existence. It is unconstructive a n d unnecessary, a n d r a t h e r t h a n e n h a n c i n g o u r e x i s t e n c e i m p e d e s it. W h a t w e n e e d to do with n e u r o t i c suffering is get rid of it j u s t as quickly as p o s s i b l e b e c a u s e it is like c a r r y i n g n i n e t y - e i g h t golf c l u b s a r o u n d t h e c o u r s e w h e n all y o u n e e d i s t e n o r twelve t o p l a y a perfectly g o o d g a m e . It is j u s t so m u c h excess b a g g a g e . Fifty y e a r s a g o , w h e n F r e u d ' s t h e o r i e s f i r s t f i l t e r e d d o w n t o the intelligentsia (and were misinterpreted, as so often happens) , t h e r e were a large n u m b e r of avant-garde parents w h o , having l e a r n e d that guilt feelings c o u l d have s o m e t h i n g to do w i t h n e u r o s e s , r e s o l v e d t h a t t h e y w e r e g o i n g t o r a i s e guilt-free c h i l d r e n . W h a t a n awful t h i n g t o d o t o a c h i l d . O u r j a i l s a r e f i l l e d with p e o p l e w h o a r e t h e r e precisely b e c a u s e they d o n o t h a v e a n y guilt, o r d o n o t h a v e e n o u g h o f it. W e n e e d a c e r t a i n

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a m o u n t o f g u i l t i n o r d e r t o exist i n society, a n d t h a t ' s w h a t I call e x i s t e n t i a l guilt. I h a s t e n t o stress, h o w e v e r , t h a t t o o m u c h guilt, r a t h e r t h a n e n h a n c i n g o u r e x i s t e n c e , h i n d e r s it. N e u r o t i c g u i l t i s u n n e c e s s a r y a n d d e p l e t e s o u r lives o f j o y a n d serenity. T a k e a n o t h e r p a i n f u l f e e l i n g : anxiety. A l t h o u g h i t m a y b e p a i n f u l , w e n e e d a c e r t a i n a m o u n t o f a n x i e t y t o f u n c t i o n well. F o r i n s t a n c e , if I h a d to give a s p e e c h in N e w Y o r k City, I m i g h t be anxious a b o u t h o w to get there, a n d my anxiety would prop e l m e t o l o o k a t a m a p . I f I h a d n o anxiety, I m i g h t j u s t t a k e off and end up in Quebec. Meanwhile, there are a thousand peop l e w a i t i n g t o h e a r m e give a talk i n N e w York City. S o w e n e e d a c e r t a i n a m o u n t o f a n x i e t y i n o r d e r t o exist w e l l — t h e k i n d o f existential anxiety that propels us to consult m a p s . But o n c e again, there can be an a m o u n t of anxiety above a n d beyond that, which, r a t h e r t h a n e n h a n c i n g o u r existence, i m p e d e s it. So I c o u l d t h i n k to myself, " S u p p o s i n g I h a d a flat tire o r g o t i n t o a n a c c i d e n t . T h e y d r i v e awfully fast o n t h e r o a d s n e a r N e w Y o r k City. A n d e v e n i f I d o m a n a g e t o g e t t o t h e p l a c e I was s u p p o s e d to l e c t u r e , I p r o b a b l y w o n ' t be a b l e to find a p a r k i n g p l a c e . I ' m sorry, p e o p l e i n N e w York, b u t it's b e y o n d m e . " T h i s k i n d o f p h o b i c anxiety, r a t h e r t h a n e n h a n c i n g m y exi s t e n c e , limits i t a n d i s clearly n e u r o t i c . We are naturally pain-avoiding creatures. But just as it w o u l d b e s t u p i d t o w e l c o m e all s u f f e r i n g , s o i t i s s t u p i d t o try t o a v o i d all s u f f e r i n g . O n e o f t h e b a s i c c h o i c e s w e m a k e i n life i s w h e t h e r t o follow t h e p a t h o f s m a r t selfishness o r try t o a v o i d all p r o b l e m s a n d t a k e t h e p a t h o f s t u p i d selfishness. T o d o so, w e m u s t l e a r n h o w t o m a k e this d i s t i n c t i o n b e t w e e n n e u r o t i c a n d existential suffering. As I w r o t e in The Road Less Traveled, life is difficult b e c a u s e it is a series of p r o b l e m s , a n d t h e process of c o n f r o n t i n g a n d solving p r o b l e m s i s a p a i n f u l o n e . P r o b l e m s , d e p e n d i n g o n t h e i r n a t u r e , e v o k e i n u s m a n y u n c o m f o r t a b l e f e e l i n g s : frustrat i o n , grief, s a d n e s s , l o n e l i n e s s , guilt, r e g r e t , a n g e r , fear, anxiety, anguish, or despair. T h e s e feelings are often as painful as any k i n d o f p h y s i c a l s u f f e r i n g . I n d e e d , i t i s because o f t h e p a i n t h a t e v e n t s o r c o n f l i c t s e n g e n d e r i n u s t h a t w e call t h e m p r o b l e m s .

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Yet i t i s i n this w h o l e p r o c e s s o f m e e t i n g a n d s o l v i n g p r o b l e m s t h a t life f i n d s its m e a n i n g . P r o b l e m s call f o r t h o u r c o u r a g e a n d wisdom; indeed, they create o u r courage a n d o u r wisdom. P r o b l e m s a r e t h e c u t t i n g e d g e t h a t distinguishes b e t w e e n success a n d f a i l u r e . I t i s o n l y b e c a u s e o f p r o b l e m s t h a t w e g r o w m e n t a l l y a n d spiritually. T h e a l t e r n a t i v e — n o t t o m e e t t h e d e m a n d s o f life o n life's t e r m s — m e a n s w e will e n d u p l o s i n g m o r e o f t e n t h a n n o t . M o s t p e o p l e a t t e m p t t o skirt p r o b l e m s r a t h e r t h a n m e e t t h e m h e a d o n . W e a t t e m p t t o g e t o u t o f t h e m r a t h e r t h a n suffer t h r o u g h t h e m . I n d e e d , t h e t e n d e n c y t o avoid p r o b l e m s a n d t h e e m o t i o n a l s u f f e r i n g i n h e r e n t i n t h e m i s t h e p r i m a r y basis o f all psychological illness. A n d since m o s t of us have this t e n d e n c y to a g r e a t e r o r lesser d e g r e e , m o s t o f u s lack c o m p l e t e m e n t a l h e a l t h . T h o s e w h o a r e m o s t h e a l t h y l e a r n n o t t o d r e a d b u t actually t o w e l c o m e p r o b l e m s . A l t h o u g h t r i u m p h i s n ' t g u a r a n t e e d e a c h t i m e w e face a p r o b l e m i n life, t h o s e w h o a r e wise a r e aware that it is only t h r o u g h the pain of confronting a n d res o l v i n g p r o b l e m s t h a t w e l e a r n a n d grow.

C H O I C E S OF RESPONSIBILITY

Most p e o p l e w h o c o m e to see a psychotherapist are suffering f r o m e i t h e r a n e u r o s i s or w h a t is called a c h a r a c t e r disorder. As i n d i c a t e d in The Road Less Traveled, t h e s e c o n d i t i o n s a r e at r o o t disorders of responsibility: the n e u r o t i c assumes too m u c h responsibility a n d t h e p e r s o n w i t h a c h a r a c t e r d i s o r d e r n o t e n o u g h . A s s u c h , t h e y a r e o p p o s i t e styles o f r e l a t i n g t o t h e w o r l d a n d its p r o b l e m s . W h e n n e u r o t i c s are in conflict with t h e world, they a u t o m a t i c a l l y a s s u m e t h a t t h e y a r e a t fault. W h e n t h o s e w i t h character disorders are in conflict with t h e world, they autom a t i c a l l y a s s u m e t h a t t h e w o r l d i s a t fault. Even the speech patterns of neurotics a n d of those with character disorders are different. T h e s p e e c h of the n e u r o t i c is n o t a b l e for s u c h e x p r e s s i o n s a s " I o u g h t t o , " " I s h o u l d , " a n d " I s h o u l d n ' t , " i n d i c a t i n g , t o s o m e e x t e n t , a s e l f - i m a g e o f a n infe-

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r i o r p e r s o n w h o b e l i e v e s h e o r s h e i s always falling s h o r t o f t h e m a r k , always m a k i n g t h e w r o n g c h o i c e s . T h e s p e e c h o f a p e r s o n w i t h a c h a r a c t e r d i s o r d e r , h o w e v e r , r e l i e s heavily on "I c a n ' t , " "I c o u l d n ' t , " " I h a v e t o , " a n d " I h a d t o , " d e m o n s t r a t i n g a self-image of a b e i n g w h o believes he or she has no p o w e r of choice, a n d w h o s e b e h a v i o r i s c o m p l e t e l y d i r e c t e d b y e x t e r n a l f o r c e s totally b e y o n d his o r h e r c o n t r o l . B e f o r e 1 9 5 0 , t h e t e r m " c h a r a c t e r d i s o r d e r " d i d n ' t exist a s a separate diagnosis or category. Most psychiatric disorders were c a l l e d n e u r o s e s , a n d n e u r o s e s w e r e g e n e r a l l y d i v i d e d i n t o two categories: ego-alien a n d ego-syntonic. An ego-alien neurosis was o n e i n w h i c h t h e p e r s o n ' s e g o f o u g h t a g a i n s t a p r o b l e m a t i c condition. Since the individual didn't want to have the condit i o n , h e was willing t o w o r k t o w a r d a l l e v i a t i n g it. A n e g o - s y n t o n i c n e u r o s i s , o n t h e o t h e r h a n d , involves a c o n d i t i o n a p e r s o n ' s e g o d o e s n ' t e v e n w a n t t o identify, m u c h less s e e a s p r o b l e m a t i c i n h i s life. W h i l e I was a n A r m y p s y c h i a t r i s t o n t h e i s l a n d o f O k i n a w a , I m e t two w o m e n , b o t h o f w h o m h a d s t r o n g fears o f s n a k e s . M a n y p e o p l e h a v e a f e a r o f s n a k e s , s o this w a s n ' t u n u s u a l i n itself. W h a t m a d e t h e i r f e a r p r o b l e m a t i c — a n d p h o b i c — w a s t h e d e g r e e o f i n c a p a c i t a t i o n c a u s e d b y it. T o say t h e least, w h e n daily r o u t i n e s a r e i n t e r r u p t e d o r n e g l e c t e d b e c a u s e o f fear, i t c r e a t e s difficulties i n m a n y a s p e c t s o f t h e p e r s o n ' s life. O k i n a w a was a n a t u r a l p l a c e t o s e e s u c h p h o b i a s b e c a u s e o f t h e d r e a d e d h a b u , a s n a k e u n i q u e t o t h e i s l a n d . It's p o i s o n o u s , a n d its size falls s o m e w h e r e b e t w e e n t h a t o f a l a r g e r a t t l e r a n d a small p y t h o n . I t a l s o s l e e p s o n l y d u r i n g t h e day, w h i c h m e a n s t h a t i t d o e s its r o a m i n g a t n i g h t . T h e r e w e r e a b o u t 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 A m e r i c a n s a t O k i n a w a a t t h e t i m e ; o n l y a b o u t o n c e i n two y e a r s was o n e b i t t e n b y a h a b u , a n d h a l f o f t h o s e b i t t e n h a d b e e n walking o u t in t h e j u n g l e at night, n o t a r o u n d the Army h o u s i n g s e c t i o n s . A d e q u a t e i n f o r m a t i o n was d i s p e n s e d . All A m e r i c a n s w e r e t o l d a b o u t t h e s n a k e , a n d all t h e h o s p i t a l s h a d t h e n e c e s sary a n t i t o x i n s t o t r e a t b i t e s . O v e r a l l , n o t o n e A m e r i c a n h a d actually b e e n k i l l e d by a s n a k e f o r y e a r s . T h e f i r s t w o m a n , w h o was i n h e r e a r l y t h i r t i e s , c a m e t o s e e

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m e a t m y office. "I've g o t this f e a r o f s n a k e s a n d I k n o w it's r i d i c u l o u s , " s h e said. " B u t I w o n ' t g o o u t a t n i g h t . I c a n ' t t a k e my children o u t to the movies at night a n d I won't go to a club w i t h m y h u s b a n d a t n i g h t . It's really silly o f m e , b e c a u s e I k n o w t h a t h a r d l y a n y o n e g e t s b i t t e n . I feel s o s t u p i d . " A s h e r l a n g u a g e s u g g e s t e d , h e r p h o b i a was e g o - a l i e n : i t d i d n ' t f i t w i t h h e r selfi m a g e a n d was t h e r e f o r e c o n f l i c t u a l t o h e r . A l t h o u g h s h e was h o u s e b o u n d m o s t o f t h e t i m e a n d especially fearful o f g o i n g o u t a t n i g h t , s h e was willing t o a c k n o w l e d g e t h a t t h i s was a p r o b l e m i n h e r life, a n d s h e w a n t e d t o f i n d ways t o l e s s e n h e r f e a r s o t h a t i t w o u l d n o t i n t e r f e r e w i t h all h e r activities. F r e u d first p o i n t e d o u t that phobias are often displacem e n t s f r o m a r e a l fear. W h a t w e f o u n d i n t h e r a p y was t h a t t h i s w o m a n h a d n e v e r f a c e d u p t o e x i s t e n t i a l issues i n v o l v i n g h e r f e a r o f d e a t h a n d f e a r o f evil. O n c e s h e s t a r t e d d e a l i n g w i t h s u c h issues, a l t h o u g h s h e still r e m a i n e d t i m i d , s h e was a b l e t o g o o u t a t n i g h t with h e r h u s b a n d a n d children. T h a n k s t o treatm e n t , b y t h e t i m e s h e was p r e p a r i n g t o l e a v e O k i n a w a , s h e was on the path of growth. I l e a r n e d a b o u t the s e c o n d w o m a n ' s fear of snakes only w h e n I b e g a n talking to h e r toward the e n d of a d i n n e r party s h e h o s t e d . S h e was i n h e r f o r t i e s a n d t h e wife o f a n e x e c u t i v e . In talking with her, I l e a r n e d that she h a d b e c o m e a recluse. She m e n t i o n e d with e n t h u s i a s m h o w m u c h she l o o k e d forward t o g o i n g b a c k t o t h e U n i t e d S t a t e s , s i n c e s h e was h o u s e b o u n d in Okinawa. "I can't go o u t because of those horrible snakes," s h e said. S h e k n e w t h a t o t h e r p e o p l e m a n a g e d t o g o o u t a t n i g h t , b u t said, "If t h e y w a n t t o b e s t u p i d , t h a t ' s t h e i r p r o b l e m . " M o r e o v e r , s h e b l a m e d t h e A m e r i c a n g o v e r n m e n t a n d t h e isl a n d for h e r p r o b l e m b e c a u s e "they s h o u l d b e d o i n g m o r e a b o u t t h o s e h o r r i b l e s n a k e s . " A s i s typical o f t h o s e w i t h p h o b i a s t h a t a r e e g o - s y n t o n i c , s h e d i d n ' t s e e t h e f e a r a s b e i n g her p r o b lem. She never sought o u t treatment even t h o u g h the crippling c o n s e q u e n c e s o f h e r fear were evident. S h e h a d allowed h e r p h o b i a t o totally g e t i n t h e way o f living a fuller life. S h e r e f u s e d t o a t t e n d a n y social g a t h e r i n g s away f r o m h o m e — e v e n t h o s e

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that were important to her husband's j o b — a n d she didn't seem t o c o n s i d e r h o w this m i g h t j e o p a r d i z e his career. A s t h e s e two cases d e m o n s t r a t e , n e u r o t i c s a r e relatively easy t o w o r k w i t h i n p s y c h o t h e r a p y b e c a u s e t h e y a s s u m e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y for t h e i r difficulties a n d t h e r e f o r e s e e t h e m s e l v e s a s having p r o b l e m s . T h o s e with c h a r a c t e r disorders are m u c h m o r e difficult t o w o r k w i t h , b e c a u s e t h e y d o n ' t s e e t h e m s e l v e s as t h e source of their p r o b l e m s ; they see t h e world r a t h e r t h a n t h e m s e l v e s a s b e i n g i n n e e d o f c h a n g e , a n d t h e r e f o r e fail t o r e c o g n i z e t h e necessity for self-examination. T h u s , a s i g n i f i c a n t p a r t o f t h e e x i s t e n t i a l s u f f e r i n g o f life i s the suffering involved in constantly d i s c e r n i n g — o r c h o o s i n g — w h a t w e a r e r e s p o n s i b l e for a n d w h a t w e a r e n o t r e s p o n s i b l e for a n d m a i n t a i n i n g a h e a l t h y b a l a n c e . Obviously, t h e c h a r a c t e r d i s o r d e r e d p e r s o n avoids t h a t existential suffering. W h a t m a y n o t b e s o o b v i o u s i s t h a t t h e n e u r o t i c a l s o d o e s . B y s i m p l y ass u m i n g t h a t e v e r y t h i n g i s h e r r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , s h e will u l t i m a t e l y suffer m o r e t h r o u g h n e u r o t i c s u f f e r i n g — e v e n t h o u g h s h e d o e s avoid t h e existential suffering of having to m a k e choices, t h e k i n d of suffering t h a t m a y be involved in saying to p e o p l e , " N o ! I'm drawing a line." T h e p r o b l e m of distinguishing what we are a n d are n o t res p o n s i b l e f o r i n t h i s life i s o n e o f t h e c o n t i n u i n g c h a l l e n g e s o f h u m a n e x i s t e n c e . I t i s n e v e r c o m p l e t e l y r e s o l v e d f o r all t i m e . W e m u s t c o n t i n u a l l y assess a n d r e a s s e s s w h e r e o u r r e s p o n s i b i l i ties lie i n t h e e v e r - c h a n g i n g c o u r s e o f e v e n t s t h a t s h a p e o u r lives. T h e r e i s n o f o r m u l a f o r h o w t o d o it. E a c h s i t u a t i o n i s n e w a n d w e m u s t d i s c e r n all o v e r a g a i n t h e c h o i c e o f w h a t w e a r e a n d a r e n o t r e s p o n s i b l e for. I t i s o n e t h a t w e m u s t m a k e t h o u s a n d s u p o n t h o u s a n d s o f t i m e s , a l m o s t u p u n t i l t h e very d a y w e d i e .

CHOICES OF SUBMISSION

D i s c i p l i n e i s t h e m e a n s f o r s o l v i n g life's p r o b l e m s . All d i s c i p l i n e is a form of submission. T h e discipline to discern what we are or

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a r e n o t r e s p o n s i b l e for i s m o s t c r u c i a l , s i n c e w e m u s t g o t h r o u g h t h e existential suffering of c h o o s i n g w h e n a n d w h a t to submit t o a n d w h a t n o t t o s u b m i t t o , w h e t h e r t h a t i s o u r o w n e g o , love, G o d , o r e v e n t h e f o r c e s o f evil. F o r i n s t a n c e , w h e n w e a r e y o u n g , w e m o r e o r less h a v e t o submit to o u r parents or other caretakers. But as we grow into adulthood, we have to m a k e decisions a b o u t w h e n a n d how to submit to o u r parents a n d w h e n a n d h o w n o t t o — a n d part i c u l a r l y t o t h e i r v a l u e s . N o t all s u b m i s s i o n i s g o o d . T o totally submit to one's parents in a d u l t h o o d would be destructive, every b i t a s d e s t r u c t i v e a s t o s u b m i t t o a cult. W e m u s t f i g u r e o u t t o w h a t e x t e n t w e a r e g o i n g t o s u b m i t t o society a n d t o w h a t e x t e n t w e a r e g o i n g t o d i s a g r e e w i t h society, j u s t a s w e m u s t c h o o s e o u r v a l u e s e v e r y s t e p o f t h e way. U l t i m a t e l y , w e have to choose whether or not to submit to God and, indeed, even choose the kind of G o d that we are going to submit to. T h e t e r m " h i g h e r p o w e r " f i r s t a p p e a r e d i n , o r a t l e a s t was initially p o p u l a r i z e d by, t h e Twelve S t e p s o f A l c o h o l i c s A n o n y m o u s . In A World Waiting to Be Born, I w r o t e t h a t t h e t e r m i m plies that t h e r e is s o m e t h i n g "higher" t h a n us as individuals a n d that it is a p p r o p r i a t e to submit ourselves to that s o m e t h i n g h i g h e r , b e i t love, l i g h t , t r u t h , o r G o d . " T h y will, n o t m i n e , b e d o n e " i s a g l o r i o u s e x p r e s s i o n o f d e s i r e for s u c h s u b m i s s i o n , a n d t h e key w o r d i s "will." S u b m i s s i o n i m p l i e s a n effective s u b m i s s i o n o f t h e h u m a n will t o s o m e t h i n g h i g h e r t h a n itself. " G o d i s l i g h t , G o d i s love, G o d i s t r u t h . " P e o p l e n e e d n o t b e b e l i e v e r s in G o d , b u t if they are to be healthy, they m u s t submit t h e m selves t o t h e s e a t t r i b u t e s o f G o d . Submission to the light m i g h t be defined as submission to the choice of consciousness a n d hence, sight—both external sight a n d , particularly, insight. T h e n t h e r e is t h e c h o i c e of w h e t h e r t o s u b m i t t o love o r n o t — t h a t is, t h e d e c i s i o n w h e t h e r t o e x t e n d o r n o t e x t e n d oneself. T h i s i s n o t s i m p l i s t i c . L o v e i s o f t e n very s u b t l e a n d m y s t e r i o u s . In The Road Less Traveled, I d e f i n e d love a s t h e will t o e x t e n d o n e s e l f f o r t h e p u r p o s e o f n u r t u r i n g one's own or a n o t h e r ' s spiritual growth. This definition i s a n a c k n o w l e d g m e n t t h a t love i s far b r o a d e r t h a n r o m a n c e ,

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m a r r i a g e , o r p a r e n t i n g . M o n k s a n d n u n s , for e x a m p l e , d o n ' t h a v e t h o s e , b u t m a n y a r e g r e a t lovers i n t h e t r u e s e n s e o f t h e word. T h e r e a r e n u m e r o u s p a r a d o x e s r e l a t e d t o love t h a t test t h e myths a n d c o m m o n thinking in o u r culture. In the section on love in The Road Less Traveled, I f o u n d I h a d to b e g i n by s p e a k i n g o f all t h e t h i n g s t h a t g e n u i n e love i s not ( s u c h a s r o m a n c e ) in o r d e r to c o m b a t o u r cultural stereotypes. For instance, we h a v e all b e e n t o l d t h a t it's b e t t e r t o give t h a n t o r e c e i v e . I b e lieve i t w o u l d b e m o r e a p p r o p r i a t e t o say t h a t it's j u s t a s g o o d t o r e c e i v e as it is to give. Yet m a n y h a v e n e u r o t i c g u i l t o v e r t h i s iss u e a n d feel c o m p e l l e d t o live u p t o c u l t u r a l o r r e l i g i o u s i d e a l s a b o u t c h a r i t y t h a t p o t e n t i a l l y p r o m o t e m o r e b i t t e r n e s s a n d friction t h a n love in t h e t r u e sense. O n e reason p e o p l e have a h a r d time receiving is that they feel m a n i p u l a t e d , a s i f t h e y will f o r e v e r o w e s o m e o n e . I n t h e e a r l i e r y e a r s o f o u r m a r r i a g e Lily a n d I m a i n t a i n e d w h a t w e c a m e to call a g u i l t b a n k . W h e n e v e r I d i d s o m e t h i n g f o r Lily, that m e a n t I h a d m o n e y in t h e guilt b a n k . W h e n she did s o m e t h i n g for m e , m y a c c o u n t (my w o r t h ) d r o p p e d . Like m a n y coup l e s , i t t o o k u s y e a r s t o l e a r n o u r s e l v e s o u t o f this silliness. F o r s o m e p e o p l e , it's e v e n o b l i g a t o r y t o d i s c o u n t a n y c o m p l i m e n t s o r g o o d news d u e t o u p b r i n g i n g a n d c u l t u r e . T h e inability t o r e c e i v e love is a l m o s t as d e s t r u c t i v e as t h e i n a b i l i t y to give it. We h a v e also b e e n t a u g h t t h a t "love is g e n t l e , love is k i n d " — a n d yet t h e r e a r e times w h e n we m u s t display w h a t is called t o u g h love. L o v e i s o f t e n a m b i g u o u s ; s o m e t i m e s i t r e q u i r e s t e n d e r n e s s a n d s o m e t i m e s i t r e q u i r e s b e i n g s t e r n . T h e reality i s t h a t w e c a n n o t love well i f w e a r e c o n s t a n t l y e x t e n d i n g o u r selves t o o t h e r s a n d n o t n u r t u r i n g o u r s e l v e s . S u b m i s s i o n t o love d o e s n o t m e a n b e i n g a d o o r m a t . J u s t a s t h r o u g h o u t o u r lives w e m u s t c h o o s e w h a t is a n d w h a t is n o t o u r responsibility, so we m u s t a l s o c h o o s e , e v e n i f w e a r e s u b m i t t e d t o love, w h e n t o love o t h e r s a n d w h e n t o love o u r s e l v e s . I b e l i e v e t h e key o f l o v i n g i s t o w o r k o n oneself. W e c a n ' t b e g i n t o love o t h e r s well u n t i l w e lovingly w o r k o n o u r s e l v e s . I n m a n y r e l a t i o n s h i p s , y o u will f i n d p e o p l e t r y i n g t o h e a l a n d c o n -

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v e r t e a c h o t h e r i n t h e n a m e o f love. O u r a t t e m p t s t o h e a l a n d c o n v e r t a n o t h e r a r e u s u a l l y selfish, c o n t r o l l i n g , a n d n o n l o v i n g d e s p i t e all t h e ways w e m i g h t t h i n k o t h e r w i s e . A g a i n , o v e r t h e y e a r s o f o u r o w n m a r r i a g e , Lily a n d I h a d t o w o r k q u i t e h a r d o n h e a l i n g ourselves o f o u r n e e d t o c h a n g e e a c h o t h e r t o arrive a t t h a t k i n d o f love w h i c h c o m b i n e s a c c e p t a n c e a n d u n d e r s t a n d ing. Because of cultural indoctrination, many people equate love w i t h d o i n g : t h e y feel t h e y h a v e t o d o s o m e t h i n g s i m p l y b e cause of their own or others' expectations. T h e paradox is that many times just doing nothing—just being w h o you are rather t h a n constantly focusing on what you do—is the m o r e loving a p p r o a c h . F o r e x a m p l e , n o t h i n g i s m o r e f u n f o r m e t h a n disc u s s i n g t h e o l o g y , b u t o n e o f t h e l o v i n g t h i n g s I d i d was r e f r a i n from talking to my children m u c h about theology because it w o u l d h a v e b e e n p r e a c h i n g t o t h e m i n a way t h a t was i n t r u s i v e . I n m y n o v e l The Friendly Snowflake, t h e p r e t e e n J e n n y asks h e r f a t h e r i f h e b e l i e v e s i n a n afterlife. H i s r e p l y i s " T h e r e a r e certain questions so i m p o r t a n t that p e o p l e o u g h t to figure o u t the a n s w e r f o r t h e m s e l v e s . " I n this c a s e , h i s w i t h h o l d i n g o f h i s o p i n i o n was a v e r y l o v i n g a n d r e s p e c t f u l a c t t o w a r d h i s d a u g h t e r . A n d then there is the matter of submission to truth, which i s far m o r e c o m p l e x a n d d e m a n d i n g t h a n m e r e l y a c c e p t i n g scientifically p r o v e n facts o r f o l l o w i n g t h e scientific m e t h o d i n a l a b o r a t o r y . In The Road Less Traveled, I listed d e d i c a t i o n to r e a l i t y — t o t h e t r u t h — a s o n e o f t h e f o u r b a s i c d i s c i p l i n e s o f living well. S p e a k i n g o f this d i s c i p l i n e , I n o t e d t h a t o c c a s i o n a l l y withh o l d i n g a p o r t i o n of t h e t r u t h may be t h e loving t h i n g to d o . B u t e v e n this tiny b i t o f " f u d g i n g " w i t h t h e t r u t h i s s o p o t e n t i a l l y d a n g e r o u s t h a t I felt c o m p e l l e d t o offer s t r i n g e n t c r i t e r i a f o r t h o s e relatively few t i m e s w h e n t h e t e l l i n g o f little w h i t e lies m i g h t b e p e r m i s s i b l e . T h e fact i s t h a t w i t h h o l d i n g a key p i e c e o f t r u t h from o t h e r s is often at least as deceptive as an o u t r i g h t b l a c k lie. S u c h l y i n g i s n o t j u s t u n l o v i n g ; i t i s u l t i m a t e l y h a t e f u l . Every i n s t a n c e o f i t a d d s t o t h e d a r k n e s s a n d c o n f u s i o n i n t h e world. Conversely, s p e a k i n g t h e truth—particularly w h e n it req u i r e s s o m e risk t o d o s o — i s a n a c t o f love. I t d i m i n i s h e s t h e

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darkness a n d confusion, increasing the light the world so desperately needs. W h e n w e lie, w e a r e u s u a l l y a t t e m p t i n g t o a v o i d r e s p o n s i bility f o r o u r a c t i o n s a n d w h a t w e i m a g i n e t o b e t h e i r p a i n f u l c o n s e q u e n c e s . I am forever grateful to my p a r e n t s for t e a c h i n g me d u r i n g childhood a most pithy a n d powerful expression: "face t h e m u s i c . " M e a n i n g , face u p t o t h e c o n s e q u e n c e s ; d o n ' t c o v e r u p ; d o n ' t lie; live i n t h e l i g h t . W h i l e t h e m e a n i n g i s clear, it only occurs to me n o w t h a t it is a s o m e w h a t strange expression. W h y "music"? W h y s h o u l d facing u p t o s o m e t h i n g p o t e n tially p a i n f u l b e c a l l e d f a c i n g m u s i c w h e n w e n o r m a l l y t h i n k o f m u s i c a s p l e a s u r a b l e a n d lovely? I d o n ' t k n o w . I d o n ' t k n o w h o w the expression originated. But perhaps the choice of word is d e e p a n d mystically a p p r o p r i a t e . F o r w h e n w e d o s u b m i t o u r selves t o t h e d i c t a t e s o f h o n e s t y , w e a r e i n h a r m o n y w i t h reality, a n d o u r lives, a l t h o u g h n e v e r p a i n l e s s , will b e c o m e i n c r e a s i n g l y melodic. I h a v e b e e n s p e a k i n g o f t h e c h o i c e f o r t r u t h a s i f lying w e r e s o m e t h i n g w e primarily d o t o o t h e r s . N o t so. O u r even g r e a t e r proclivity i s f o r lying t o o u r s e l v e s . O f c o u r s e t h e two t y p e s o f dish o n e s t y f e e d off e a c h o t h e r i n a n e v e r - e s c a l a t i n g o r g y o f d e c e p tion. But while we can deceive s o m e of the p e o p l e s o m e of the time, o u r capacity for self-deception is potentially u n l i m i t e d as l o n g a s w e a r e willing t o p a y t h e p r i c e o f evil o r insanity. A n d t h e s e a r e u l t i m a t e l y t h e costs. S e l f - d e c e p t i o n i s n o t a m a t t e r o f b e i n g k i n d o r g e n t l e w i t h oneself; o n t h e c o n t r a r y , i t i s a s h a t e ful a s l y i n g t o o t h e r s , a n d f o r t h e s a m e r e a s o n : i t a d d s t o t h e d a r k n e s s a n d c o n f u s i o n o f t h e self, a u g m e n t i n g t h e S h a d o w layer b y layer. C o n v e r s e l y , t h e c h o i c e t o b e h o n e s t w i t h o n e s e l f i s t h e c h o i c e f o r p s y c h o s p i r i t u a l h e a l t h a n d , t h e r e f o r e , t h e single m o s t l o v i n g c h o i c e w e c a n e v e r m a k e f o r o u r s e l v e s . I n t h e r e a l m o f p e r s o n a l belief, w e a r e f a c e d w i t h m a n y c o m p l e x choices, a n d the certainties of science c a n n o t readily be relied u p o n . If we choose to believe s o m e t h i n g is true, is it t h e r e f o r e t r u e ? I f so, s u b m i t t i n g t o t h e t r u t h w o u l d b e n o t h i n g m o r e t h a n submitting to ourselves. Since G o d is synonymous with t r u t h , i n c h o o s i n g t o s u b m i t t o G o d w e a r e s u b m i t t i n g t o a

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t r u t h h i g h e r t h a n o u r s e l v e s . In People of the Lie, I w r o t e t h a t s i n c e we are e n d o w e d with t h e f r e e d o m to c h o o s e , we can s u b m i t to t h e w r o n g t h i n g s . I a l s o e x p l a i n e d t h a t t h e r e a r e o n l y two s t a t e s o f b e i n g : s u b m i s s i o n t o G o d a n d g o o d n e s s , o r t h e refusal t o s u b m i t t o a n y t h i n g b e y o n d o n e ' s will, w h i c h a u t o m a t i c a l l y e n slaves o n e t o t h e f o r c e s o f evil, t o " t h e F a t h e r o f L i e s . " A n d I q u o t e d C . S . Lewis: " T h e r e i s n o n e u t r a l g r o u n d i n t h e u n i v e r s e : e v e r y s q u a r e i n c h , e v e r y split s e c o n d i s c l a i m e d b y G o d a n d c o u n t e r c l a i m e d b y S a t a n . " P e r h a p s w e m a y feel t h a t w e c a n s t a n d e x a c t l y b e t w e e n G o d a n d t h e devil, u n c o m m i t t e d e i t h e r t o g o o d n e s s o r t o evil. B u t " N o t t o c h o o s e i s t o c h o o s e . " F e n c e straddling eventually b e c o m e s intolerable a n d the choice of unsubmission is ultimately invalid.

CHOICES OF VOCATION

To m o s t p e o p l e , "vocation" simply m e a n s w h a t o n e d o e s for a living, o n e ' s o c c u p a t i o n o r c a r e e r . T h e s e c u l a r d e f i n i t i o n o f "voc a t i o n " u s u a l l y i m p l i e s o n l y i n c o m e - p r o d u c i n g activity. T h e r e l i g i o u s d e f i n i t i o n , h o w e v e r , i s m o r e l i t e r a l a n d y e t far m o r e c o m p l e x . " V o c a t i o n " literally m e a n s c a l l i n g . T h e r e l i g i o u s m e a n ing of "vocation," therefore, is what o n e is called to d o , which may or may n o t coincide with o n e ' s occupation, with w h a t o n e is a c t u a l l y d o i n g . I n this s e n s e v o c a t i o n i m p l i e s a r e l a t i o n s h i p . F o r i f s o m e o n e is called, s o m e t h i n g m u s t be d o i n g t h e calling. I believe this s o m e t h i n g i s G o d . G o d calls u s h u m a n b e i n g s — w h e t h e r s k e p t i c s o r b e l i e v e r s , w h e t h e r C h r i s t i a n o r n o t — t o c e r t a i n , oft e n very specific activities. F u r t h e r m o r e , s i n c e G o d r e l a t e s w i t h us as individuals, this m a t t e r of calling is utterly individualized. W h a t G o d calls m e t o d o i s n o t a t all n e c e s s a r i l y w h a t G o d i s calling you to do. It is quite obvious that while o n e p e r s o n may be called to be a h o m e m a k e r , a n o t h e r m a y be c a l l e d to be a lawyer, a scientist, or an advertising executive. T h e r e are different kinds of career

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c a l l i n g s ; f o r m a n y p e o p l e , t h e r e a r e s e q u e n t i a l c a l l i n g s . Midlife is o f t e n a t i m e w h e n t h e r e is a c h a n g e in c a r e e r . B u t w h a t is less o b v i o u s a r e t h e s p i r i t u a l a n d e t h i c a l issues r e l e v a n t t o o n e ' s voc a t i o n , c a u s e , o r p r o d u c t . A s a scientist, a m I c a l l e d t o w o r k o n w e a p o n s d e v e l o p m e n t ? A s a lawyer, a m I c a l l e d t o d e f e n d s o m e o n e I s u s p e c t is guilty? As a g y n e c o l o g i s t , do I or do I n o t p e r form abortions? Just as s o m e discover that certain aspects of their vocation d o n o t fit o r feel r i g h t t o t h e m , o t h e r s s p e n d y e a r s — e v e n a lifet i m e — f l e e i n g t h e i r t r u e v o c a t i o n . A forty-year-old s e r g e a n t m a j o r in the A r m y o n c e consulted me for a mild depression that h e a s c r i b e d t o his r e a s s i g n m e n t t o G e r m a n y , u p c o m i n g i n t w o w e e k s . H e a n d h i s family w e r e sick a n d t i r e d o f m o v i n g , h e c l a i m e d . I t was u n u s u a l for t o p - r a n k i n g e n l i s t e d m e n ( o r officers) to seek psychiatric consultation, especially for s u c h a min o r c o n d i t i o n . S e v e r a l o t h e r t h i n g s w e r e also e x t r a o r d i n a r y a b o u t this m a n . P e o p l e d o n o t g e t t o b e s e r g e a n t s m a j o r w i t h out considerable intelligence and competence, b u t my patient e x u d e d wit a n d g e n t i l i t y a s well. S o m e h o w I was n o t s u r p r i s e d t o l e a r n t h a t p a i n t i n g was h i s h o b b y . H e s t r u c k m e a s b e i n g artistic. A f t e r h e t o l d m e h e h a d b e e n i n t h e s e r v i c e f o r twenty-two years, I asked h i m , "Since y o u ' r e so fed up with m o v i n g , why d o n ' t you retire?" " I w o u l d n ' t k n o w w h a t t o d o w i t h myself," h e r e p l i e d . 'You could paint as m u c h as you wanted," I suggested. " N o , t h a t ' s j u s t a h o b b y , " h e said. "It's n o t s o m e t h i n g I c o u l d m a k e a living at." H a v i n g n o i d e a o f h i s t a l e n t , I was n o t i n a p o s i t i o n t o r e b u t h i m o n t h a t s c o r e , b u t t h e r e w e r e o t h e r ways t o p r o b e h i s resistance. ' Y o u ' r e an obviously intelligent m a n with a fine track r e c o r d , " I c o u n t e r e d . ' Y o u c o u l d g e t lots o f g o o d j o b s . " " I h a v e n ' t b e e n t o c o l l e g e , " h e said, " a n d I ' m n o t c u t o u t for s e l l i n g i n s u r a n c e . " A t t h e s u g g e s t i o n t h a t h e c o n s i d e r g o i n g b a c k t o c o l l e g e a n d live o n h i s r e t i r e m e n t pay, h e r e s p o n d e d : " N o , I ' m t o o o l d . I w o u l d n ' t feel r i g h t a r o u n d a b u n c h o f k i d s . " I r e q u e s t e d t h a t he b r i n g samples of his m o s t r e c e n t paint-

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ings t o o u r n e x t a p p o i n t m e n t t h e following week. H e b r o u g h t two, a n oil a n d a w a t e r c o l o r . B o t h w e r e m a g n i f i c e n t . T h e y w e r e m o d e r n , imaginative, even flamboyant, with an extraordinarily effective u s e o f s h a p e , s h a d e , a n d color. W h e n I i n q u i r e d , h e s a i d t h a t h e d i d t h r e e o r f o u r p a i n t i n g s a y e a r b u t n e v e r att e m p t e d t o sell a n y o f t h e m , o n l y gave t h e m away t o f r i e n d s . " L o o k , " I said, " y o u ' v e g o t r e a l t a l e n t . I k n o w it's a c o m p e t itive field, b u t t h e s e a r e s a l a b l e . P a i n t i n g o u g h t t o b e m o r e t h a n j u s t a h o b b y for you." "Talent's a subjective j u d g m e n t , " he d e m u r r e d . "So I ' m t h e o n l y o n e w h o ' s e v e r t o l d y o u y o u h a v e r e a l talent?" " N o , b u t i f y o u k e e p l o o k i n g u p i n t h e sky, y o u r f e e t a r e b o u n d to stumble." I t h e n told h i m it s e e m e d obvious that he h a d a p r o b l e m with u n d e r a c h i e v e m e n t , p r o b a b l y r o o t e d in fear of failure, or fear of success, or b o t h . I offered to o b t a i n for h i m a m e d i c a l rel e a s e f r o m h i s a s s i g n m e n t s o t h a t h e c o u l d stay o n p o s t f o r u s t o w o r k t o g e t h e r e x p l o r i n g t h e r o o t s o f h i s p r o b l e m . B u t h e was a d a m a n t t h a t i t was h i s " d u t y " t o p r o c e e d t o G e r m a n y . I a d v i s e d h i m how to get psychotherapy over there, b u t I d o u b t he took m y a d v i c e . I s u s p e c t h i s r e s i s t a n c e t o h i s o b v i o u s v o c a t i o n was s o g r e a t t h a t h e w o u l d n e v e r follow t h e call n o m a t t e r h o w c l e a r o r loud. G i v e n o u r f r e e will, w e h a v e a c h o i c e t o r e f u s e t o h e e d G o d ' s c a l l i n g f o r u s . T h e fact t h a t w e h a v e a v o c a t i o n d o e s n ' t n e c e s s a r i l y m e a n t h a t w e will follow it. C o n v e r s e l y , t h e fact t h a t we w a n t to do s o m e t h i n g — o r even have a talent for i t — d o e s n ' t necessarily m e a n it is w h a t G o d wants us to d o . S o m e p e o p l e h a v e a c a l l i n g t o m a r r i a g e a n d family life; o t h e r s h a v e a c a l l i n g t o s i n g l e o r e v e n m o n a s t i c life. W h e t h e r o n e b e l i e v e s i n fate o r n o t , t h e e m b r a c e o f a c a l l i n g o f t e n c o m e s o n l y after m u c h a m b i v a l e n c e . O n e w o m a n initially e x p e r i e n c e d agonizing uncertainty w h e n faced with the prospect of parenth o o d after s h e h a d a l r e a d y e s t a b l i s h e d h e r c a r e e r a n d h a d seve r a l p r o f e s s i o n a l o p t i o n s w i t h two c o l l e g e d e g r e e s i n d i f f e r e n t

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fields. A t t h e a g e o f t h i r t y - t h r e e s h e b e c a m e p r e g n a n t — a n d a l s o open t o t h e p r o s p e c t o f m o t h e r h o o d — f o r t h e first t i m e . " B e f o r e , I n e v e r c o u l d p i c t u r e myself t i e d d o w n t o a n y o n e — n o t o n e m a n a n d certainly n o t the lifelong c o m m i t m e n t to a child," she told m e . "I h a d vigorously rebelled against t h e idea of b e i n g r e s p o n s i b l e for t h e l o n g - t e r m well-being o f a n y o n e o t h e r t h a n myself. I h a d b e c o m e a d d i c t e d t o t h e ' f r e e d o m ' o f u n c o m m i t m e n t , t o living a c c o r d i n g t o m y o w n w h i m s a n d d e s i r e s . I d i d n ' t w a n t t o b e d e p e n d e n t o n a n y o n e else a n d d i d n ' t w a n t a n y o n e dependent on me." T h r o u g h h e r o p e n n e s s a n d willingness t o v e n t u r e t h r o u g h u n c e r t a i n t y a n d d o u b t , s h e slowly e m e r g e d w i t h a n e w s e n s e o f herself. " I f o u n d myself b e i n g p r i e d i n t o ' g i v i n g u p ' m y totally i n d e p e n d e n t lifestyle a n d b e g a n l e a r n i n g t o like t h e i d e a o f int e r d e p e n d e n c e t h a t m a d e r o o m for m y m a t e a n d child," s h e said. " T h e n I c o u l d n ' t i m a g i n e n o t h a v i n g t h e c h i l d . I c a n ' t q u i t e p u t m y f i n g e r o n this f o r c e t h a t p u s h e d m e t o w a r d acc e p t i n g this n e w i m a g e o f myself a s a m o t h e r a n d a c o m m i t t e d p a r t n e r . B u t s o m e h o w , w h e n I f i n a l l y s t o p p e d r e s i s t i n g it, I b e c a m e t r a n s f o r m e d i n a way t h a t felt j u s t r i g h t . " It is clear that while t h e fulfillment of a vocation d o e s n o t g u a r a n t e e h a p p i n e s s — a s in t h e case of t h e t o r t u r e d artist van G o g h — i t d o e s o f t e n set t h e s t a g e f o r t h e p e a c e o f m i n d t h a t m a y r e s u l t f r o m fulfillment. It is t h e r e f o r e f r e q u e n t l y a p l e a s u r e t o w i t n e s s a h u m a n b e i n g d o i n g w h a t s h e o r h e was m e a n t t o d o . W e d e l i g h t w h e n w e s e e a p a r e n t w h o t r u l y loves t a k i n g c a r e of c h i l d r e n . T h e r e is s u c h a s e n s e of fit. Conversely, t h e r e is always a s e n s e o f dis-ease w h e n w e s e e p e o p l e w h o s e w o r k a n d lifestyles d o n o t f i t t h e i r v o c a t i o n s . I t s e e m s s u c h a s h a m e , a waste. I believe G o d ' s u n i q u e vocation for e a c h of us invariably calls u s t o p e r s o n a l s u c c e s s , b u t n o t n e c e s s a r i l y i n t h e w o r l d ' s stereotypical t e r m s or m e a n s of m e a s u r i n g success. I have s e e n w o m e n w h o m a r r i e d i n t o g r e a t wealth, for instance, w h o w o u l d b e c o n s i d e r e d successful i n t h e w o r l d ' s t e r m s , w h o s e j e w e l s a n d p o s i t i o n w e r e t h e e n v y o f m u l t i t u d e s , b u t w h o lived i n d e s p a i r because they were never called to marriage in t h e first place.

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T H E CHOICE OF GRATITUDE

A d e c a d e a g o , I r e c e i v e d two c h e c k s , o n e i n p a y m e n t b y c o n t r a c t for a l e c t u r e I h a d g i v e n a n d t h e o t h e r a n u n a s k e d - f o r , u n a n t i c i p a t e d d o n a t i o n for FCE. I generally s u p p o r t t h e exp r e s s i o n " T h e r e ' s n o s u c h t h i n g a s a f r e e l u n c h . " B u t t h i s was o n e of t h o s e m o m e n t s of e x c e p t i o n w h e n I sat with an e a r n e d m e a l o n o n e k n e e a n d a d e l i c i o u s , s u r p r i s i n g gift o n t h e o t h e r . F o r w h i c h d o y o u s u p p o s e I was t h e m o r e g r a t e f u l ? I t i s easy t o t a k e a l o t f o r g r a n t e d — i n c l u d i n g g o o d l u c k a n d u n e x p e c t e d gifts—in t h i s life. I n d e e d , i n t h i s r e m a r k a b l y secular age, we are actually e n c o u r a g e d to t h i n k in t e r m s of l u c k , a s i f g o o d f o r t u n e h a s n o m o r e m e a n i n g t h a n a roll o f t h e dice. We imagine everything to be a matter of m e r e accident or chance, assuming that g o o d luck a n d bad luck are equal, that they balance out a n d a d d up to zero or nothing. This attitude easily l e a d s t o t h e p h i l o s o p h y o f d e s p a i r c a l l e d n i h i l i s m ( d e r i v e d f r o m nihil, t h e L a t i n w o r d f o r " n o t h i n g " ) . W h e n i t i s b r o u g h t t o its l o g i c a l c o n c l u s i o n , n i h i l i s m u l t i m a t e l y h o l d s t h a t t h e r e is n o t h i n g of any worth. Yet t h e r e i s a n o t h e r way t o l o o k a t g o o d l u c k a n d u n e x p e c t e d gifts. T h i s t h e o r y p o s i t s a s u p e r h u m a n giver, G o d , w h o likes t o give gifts t o h u m a n c r e a t u r e s b e c a u s e H e p a r t i c u l a r l y loves u s . W h e t h e r t h i s G o d h a s a n y t h i n g t o d o w i t h t h e d o w n p o u r s i n o u r lives i s u n c e r t a i n , a l t h o u g h i n r e t r o s p e c t t h e y often seem to have b e e n blessings in disguise. As to those things t h a t a r e r e c o g n i z a b l e gifts, s o m e o f u s s e e a p a t t e r n o f b e n e f i c e n c e t o t h e m far g r e a t e r a n d m o r e c o n s t a n t t h a n a n y p a t t e r n o f m i s f o r t u n e . F o r this b e n e f i c e n t p a t t e r n o f gift-giving w e h a v e a n a m e : g r a c e . If s o m e t h i n g is e a r n e d it is n o t a t r u e gift. G r a c e , however, is u n e a r n e d . It is free. It is gratis. T h e w o r d s grace, g r a t i s , a n d g r a t i t u d e flow i n t o o n e a n o t h e r . I f y o u p e r c e i v e g r a c e , y o u will n a t u r a l l y feel g r a t e f u l . A story told to me by a f a m o u s p r e a c h e r involved a y o u n g Yankee w h o , on a business trip, h a d to drive t h r o u g h the S o u t h f o r t h e f i r s t t i m e i n h i s life. H e h a d d r i v e n all n i g h t a n d was i n a

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h u r r y . B y t h e t i m e h e a r r i v e d i n S o u t h C a r o l i n a , h e was really hungry. S t o p p i n g at a roadside diner, he o r d e r e d a breakfast of s c r a m b l e d e g g s a n d s a u s a g e , a n d was t a k e n b y s u r p r i s e w h e n h i s o r d e r c a m e b a c k a n d t h e r e was a w h i t e b l o b o f s o m e t h i n g o n the plate. " W h a t ' s t h a t ? " h e a s k e d t h e waitress. " T h e m ' s grits, s u h , " s h e r e p l i e d i n h e r s t r o n g s o u t h e r n a c cent. " B u t I d i d n ' t o r d e r t h e m , " h e said. ' Y o u d o n ' t o r d e r grits," s h e r e s p o n d e d . " T h e y j u s t c o m e . " A n d t h a t , said t h e p r e a c h e r , i s very m u c h like g r a c e . You d o n ' t o r d e r it. I t j u s t c o m e s . I n m y e x p e r i e n c e , t h e ability t o a p p r e c i a t e p l e a s a n t surp r i s e s a s gifts t e n d s t o b e g o o d f o r o n e ' s m e n t a l h e a l t h . T h o s e w h o p e r c e i v e g r a c e i n t h e w o r l d a r e m o r e likely t o b e g r a t e f u l t h a n t h o s e w h o d o n ' t . A n d g r a t e f u l p e o p l e a r e m o r e likely t o b e h a p p y t h a n u n g r a t e f u l o n e s . T h e y a r e also m o r e likely t o m a k e o t h e r s h a p p y . F e e l i n g g i v e n t o b y t h e w o r l d , t h e y feel p r e d i s p o s e d t o give b a c k t o t h e w o r l d . W h y d o s o m e p e o p l e have s u c h obviously grateful h e a r t s w h i l e o t h e r s h a v e d i s t i n c t l y u n g r a t e f u l o n e s ? A n d w h y d o still o t h e r s fall i n b e t w e e n , s e e m i n g relatively b l a n d i n b o t h t h e i r g r a t i t u d e a n d t h e i r r e s e n t m e n t ? I d o n ' t k n o w . I t w o u l d b e simp l e t o b e l i e v e t h a t c h i l d r e n f r o m n u r t u r i n g h o m e s will a u t o matically grow u p t o b e grateful adults, a n d t h a t d e p r i v e d h o m e s regularly t u r n o u t malcontents. T h e p r o b l e m is there's n o t m u c h e v i d e n c e t o s u p p o r t this. E x c e p t i o n s a b o u n d . I've k n o w n m a n y w h o w e r e r a i s e d i n t h e m i d s t o f n e g l e c t , poverty, a n d e v e n b r u t a l i t y w h o s e e m e d t o q u i t e n a t u r a l l y live t h e i r a d u l t lives p r a i s i n g t h e L o r d , o r a t least p r a i s i n g life itself. C o n v e r s e l y , I've k n o w n a few f r o m h o m e s o f love a n d c o m f o r t w h o s e e m e d b o r n ingrates. A grateful h e a r t is a mysterious thing, a n d m a y even be genetic in origin. So an "attitude of gratitude" may n o t entirely be a matter of c h o i c e . I n d e e d , it is my b e l i e f t h a t a g r a t e f u l h e a r t is itself a gift. In o t h e r w o r d s , t h e c a p a c i t y to a p p r e c i a t e gifts is a gift. It is

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also t h e g r e a t e s t b l e s s i n g a h u m a n b e i n g m a y p o s s e s s o t h e r t h a n a s t r o n g will. B u t t h a t d o e s n ' t m e a n t h a t a g r a t e f u l h e a r t cannot be nurtured by choice. I o n c e s u p e r v i s e d a lay t h e r a p i s t in h i s w o r k w i t h a m a n in his forties, w h o h a d c o m e t o see h i m b e c a u s e o f c h r o n i c d e p r e s s i o n . A s d e p r e s s i o n s g o , h i s was r a t h e r m i l d . P e r h a p s a m o r e a c c u r a t e d e s c r i p t i o n o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s c o n d i t i o n was dysp e p s i a , a n o l d - f a s h i o n e d lay t e r m f o r i n d i g e s t i o n . I t was a s i f t h e w h o l e world gave h i m indigestion a n d m a d e h i m w a n t t o b u r p a n d b e l c h . N o t m u c h c h a n g e d in his disposition for q u i t e a w h i l e . T o w a r d t h e e n d o f t h e s e c o n d year, h o w e v e r , t h e t h e r a pist I was s u p e r v i s i n g t o l d m e , "At t h e last s e s s i o n , m y c l i e n t c a m e h e r e v e r y e x c i t e d . H e was e x c l a i m i n g a t t h e b e a u t y o f a s u n s e t h e ' d s e e n w h i l e d r i v i n g o v e r t h e hills." "Congratulations!" I responded. "What do you m e a n ? " he asked. ' Y o u r p a t i e n t ' s o v e r t h e h u m p , " I said. " H e ' s g e t t i n g b e t t e r rapidly. It's t h e f i r s t t i m e I've h e a r d t h a t this m a n t o o k a n y d e l i g h t i n life. H e ' s n o t s o a b s o r b e d i n n e g a t i v i t y o r s o self-focused t h a t h e c o u l d n ' t n o t i c e b e a u t y a r o u n d h i m a n d b e g r a t e f u l for it. T h i s r e p r e s e n t s a n e x t r a o r d i n a r y shift." I l a t e r l e a r n e d t h a t m y p r e d i c t i o n was o n t a r g e t . W i t h i n a few m o n t h s , t h e p a t i e n t was basically b e h a v i n g like a n e w m a n , h i s t h e r a p i s t r e p o r t e d . I n d e e d , h o w o n e r e s p o n d s t o adversity a n d g o o d o r b a d l u c k m a y b e o n e o f t h e t r u e s t m e a s u r e s o f o u r ability t o g r o w into gratefulness. We can look at s o m e b a d luck as a blessing in disguise. We can also m a i n t a i n a sense of humility a n d n o t take g o o d luck for g r a n t e d . D o w e c o m p l a i n a b o u t h o w b a d t h e weather is most of the time or can we learn to appreciate the b e a u t y a n d diversity o f w e a t h e r a s a gift t o us? I f w e a r e s t u c k i n a traffic j a m o n a b l u s t e r y w i n t e r day, d o w e sit a n d stew, e v e n want to chew o u t t h e drivers a h e a d of us, or do we c o n c e n t r a t e o n t h e fact t h a t w e a r e b l e s s e d t o h a v e a c a r i n t h e m i d s t o f a snowstorm? Are we inclined to complain a b o u t o u r j o b s rather t h a n w o r k o n ways t o i m p r o v e o u r skills? W h e n I was a c h i l d a f r i e n d of my f a t h e r ' s gave me a n u m b e r o f H o r a t i o Alger, Jr., b o o k s t h a t w e r e a l r e a d y o u t o f p r i n t . I

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d e v o u r e d t h e m . T h e b o o k s ' h e r o e s w e r e grateful for w h a t they g o t . T h e y d i d n ' t c o m p l a i n a b o u t adversity, b u t a c t e d a l m o s t a s i f it were an opportunity instead of a curse to t h e m . Reading t h o s e b o o k s i n c h i l d h o o d was, I s u s p e c t , a p r o f o u n d l y p o s i t i v e i n f l u e n c e i n m y y o u n g life. I w o r r y a b o u t o u r s o c i e t y t h e s e days w h e n such books are n o t only o u t of print but, by many, d e e m e d corny.

T H E C H O I C E T O DIE GRACEFULLY

T h e f i n a l c h o i c e o f o u r lives o n t h i s e a r t h i s w h e t h e r o r n o t w e g o o u t i n style. F o r it's n o t a m a t t e r o f w h e t h e r t o d i e b u t h o w . W e h a v e a l i f e t i m e t o p r e p a r e . U n f o r t u n a t e l y , t h e d e n i a l o f aging in o u r culture goes hand-in-glove with t h e denial of d e a t h . F o r m a n y , this d e n i a l c i r c u m v e n t s t h e g r e a t e s t l e a r n i n g o f o l d a g e : h o w t o a c c e p t limits. O u r c u l t u r e s u g g e s t s t h a t t h e r e a r e n o l i m i t s — a n d f u r t h e r m o r e , s e e m s t o s u g g e s t t h a t t h e r e shouldn't b e any. O f c o u r s e , r e a l life c h a l l e n g e s t h i s n o t i o n o n e v e r y level. Yet n o - l i m i t s t h i n k i n g i s a t t h e h e a r t o f m u c h o f t e l e v i s i o n a d vertising. O n e ad that particularly a n n o y e d me s h o w e d a w o m a n i n h e r sixties ( w h o , o f c o u r s e , l o o k e d fortyish) p l a y i n g t e n n i s . T h e m e s s a g e was t h a t b e c a u s e o f s o m e m e d i c i n e s h e t o o k , h e r a r t h r i t i s d i d n ' t k e e p h e r off t h e c o u r t s . T h e a d c o n c l u d e d w i t h a n invisible v o i c e f r o m t h e s i d e l i n e s j o y o u s l y e x c l a i m i n g : "Live w i t h o u t limits!" T h e r e a l i t y i s t h a t w e m u s t live w i t h l i m i t a t i o n s , e v e n f r o m the time we are young, quite exploratory, a n d generally vibrant. A s w e a g e , w e face far g r e a t e r l i m i t a t i o n s . W e h a v e b y t h e n m a d e s o m e choices—such as w h e t h e r to be single or m a r r i e d , to work or to retire—that exclude other options. If someone becomes c o n f i n e d to a wheelchair, it w o u l d be foolish for h i m to believe t h a t h e c a n j u s t h o p o n a n a i r p l a n e easily a n d g o a b o u t b u s i n e s s as u s u a l . It would be u n n a t u r a l to welcome aging. A m o d i c u m of dep r e s s i o n r e l a t e d t o t h e losses i n h e r e n t i n g r o w i n g o l d — o r facing any c h a n g e , for t h a t m a t t e r — i s n a t u r a l . But j u s t b e c a u s e it

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w o u l d b e u n n a t u r a l t o invite a g i n g d o e s n o t m e a n w e s h o u l d d e n y t h e r e a l i t i e s o f a g i n g a n d its p a i n f u l p r o c e s s o f s t r i p p i n g away. A g i n g e v e n t u a l l y involves t h e s t r i p p i n g away o f everyt h i n g , i n c l u d i n g agility, s e x u a l p o t e n c y , p h y s i c a l b e a u t y , a n d p o litical p o w e r . O u r o p t i o n s a n d c h o i c e s b e c o m e e v e r m o r e l i m i t e d a n d w e a r e c h a l l e n g e d t o l e a r n t o live w i t h t h e s e limitations. D y i n g , o f c o u r s e , i s t h e f i n a l s t r i p p i n g away. I've h e a r d m a n y p e o p l e say t h a t "if" t h e y h a v e g o t t o g o — a s i f t h e y really h a d a choice—they would rather die suddenly. T h e reason that c a n c e r a n d AIDS are so d r e a d e d is that with such diseases o n e d i e s slowly. T h e g r a d u a l d e t e r i o r a t i o n involves e x p e r i e n c i n g a t o t a l loss o f c o n t r o l , a n d f o r m o s t p e o p l e this p r o c e s s i s e q u a t e d w i t h a loss o f dignity. T h e s e n s e o f i n d i g n i t y i n v o l v e d i n s t r i p p i n g away i s very r e a l . B u t a d i s t i n c t i o n c a n b e m a d e b e t w e e n false d i g n i t y a n d t r u e dignity, a n d t h e r e i s a t r e m e n d o u s differe n c e b e t w e e n t h e responses of t h e e g o a n d those of t h e soul to t h e p r o c e s s o f d y i n g . O u r e g o s o f t e n c a n ' t b e a r t h e loss o f dignity f r o m w a t c h i n g o u r b o d i e s w a s t e away. T h a t ' s b e c a u s e dignity h a s e v e r y t h i n g t o d o w i t h t h e e g o a n d n o t h i n g t o d o w i t h t h e s o u l . I n c o n f r o n t i n g t h e c h o i c e t o give u p c o n t r o l , t h e e g o vigorously rebels despite an inevitable losing battle. T h e soul, on t h e o t h e r h a n d , welcomes the stripping-away process. We c a n l e a r n t h a t a s w e give u p c o n t r o l , w e a r e also g i v i n g u p false dignity, s o t h a t w e m a y d i e g r a c e f u l l y w i t h t r u e dignity. B y d y i n g gracefully I d o n o t m e a n t a k i n g t h e r o u t e o f e u t h a n a s i a . E u t h a n a s i a basically involves t r y i n g t o m a k e s o m e t h i n g c l e a n t h a t i s i n h e r e n t l y messy. I t is, i n m y o p i n i o n , a n a t t e m p t to shortcut the existential a n d legitimate suffering of d y i n g , t h e r e b y s h o r t c u t t i n g t h e o p p o r t u n i t y for l e a r n i n g a n d growth. Neither do I m e a n e n g a g i n g in denial. In different f o r m s o f d e n i a l s o m e p e o p l e r e f u s e t o m a k e o u t wills, c h o o s e n o t t o t a l k a b o u t t h e i r f e e l i n g s a b o u t d e a t h , o r b l o c k i t o u t altogether by m a k i n g distant future plans even w h e n they should know their time is limited. Denial may h e l p ease the pain of bei n g c o n s c i o u s o f o n e ' s i n e v i t a b l e d e a t h , b u t i t also k e e p s u s

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stuck. It n o t only blocks m e a n i n g f u l c o m m u n i c a t i o n , it also o b s t r u c t s all l e a r n i n g t o w a r d life's c l o s e . T o d i e gracefully, I b e l i e v e , i s t o m a k e t h e c h o i c e t o s e e dying as a learning opportunity a n d to welcome the stripping away a s a c l e a n s i n g s o t h a t t h e t r u e d i g n i t y o f t h e s o u l c a n s h i n e t h r o u g h . In my n o v e l A Bed by the Window, I d e s c r i b e s o m e d y i n g patients at a nursing h o m e who seem to have haloes a r o u n d them. This p h e n o m e n o n is not restricted to fiction. Indeed, m a n y p e o p l e have noticed or h e a r d a b o u t the "lightness" a r o u n d those w h o have truly w o r k e d t h r o u g h t h e stage of depression a n d arrived at acceptance. If we a r e willing to do so, we c a n b e c o m e t r a n s f o r m e d — n o t by bitterness, b u t by humility—as we deal with t h e major losses t h a t a r e a n i n e v i t a b l e p a r t o f a g i n g a n d t h e j o u r n e y t o w a r d d e a t h . P e r h a p s t h e c h o i c e t o die gracefully o c c u r s w h e n w e f i n a l l y l e a r n a n d a c c e p t t h a t all i s a c c o r d i n g t o h o w i t s h o u l d b e . W h e t h e r o n e b e l i e v e s i n a n afterlife o r n o t , t o p r o c e e d gracefully i n t o t h e a r m s of d e a t h is t h e u l t i m a t e a c q u i e s c e n c e to an abiding conviction—even in the midst of paradoxical uncert a i n t y — t h a t e v e r y a s p e c t o f life c o n t r i b u t e s t o t h e m e a n i n g o f t h e w h o l e . A n d , also paradoxically, t h e m o s t i m p o r t a n t c h o i c e w e m a k e — t h e c h o i c e t o d i e g r a c e f u l l y — i s t o c h o o s e t o give u p all c h o i c e s a n d p l a c e o u r s o u l s totally i n t h e h a n d s o f t h e R e a l Power.

T H E CHOICE OF EMPTINESS

D e a t h is t h e ultimate emptiness. We are terrified of t h e void of d e a t h e v e n i f w e b e l i e v e w e will c o m e o u t t h e o t h e r s i d e . Yet w e d o n ' t know what t h e o t h e r s i d e will b e l i k e . T h e r e a r e m a n y varieties o f e m p t i n e s s , b u t t h e m o s t imp o r t a n t ( a n d t h e e a s i e s t t o s p e a k a b o u t w i t h o u t g e t t i n g t o o mystical) i s t h e " e m p t i n e s s o f n o t k n o w i n g . " D e s p i t e living i n a society t h a t a p p e a r s t o p u s h a "know-it-all" m e n t a l i t y a n d l a b e l i n c o m p e t e n t t h o s e w h o d o n ' t always s e e m t o b e i n t h e k n o w , w e

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still h a v e a c h o i c e t o n o t k n o w w i t h o u t f e e l i n g i n c o m p e t e n t o r guilty a b o u t it. I n fact, t h e r e a r e t i m e s i n e a c h o f o u r lives w h e n i t i s n o t o n l y p r o p e r b u t h e a l i n g t o give u p t h i n k i n g w e k n o w all the answers. T h e m o s t h e a l i n g e x p e r i e n c e o f m y a d o l e s c e n c e was a gift by a m a n w h o related to me out of t h e emptiness of n o t knowing, a n d w h o served as a wonderfully positive role m o d e l to b o o t . In A World Waiting to Be Born, I d e s c r i b e d h o w , at t h e a g e o f f i f t e e n a n d i n t h e m i d d l e o f m y j u n i o r year, I d e c i d e d t o l e a v e E x e t e r . A s I l o o k b a c k o n t h a t t u r n i n g p o i n t i n m y life, I a m a m a z e d a t t h e g r a c e t h a t g a v e m e t h e c o u r a g e t o d o it. A f t e r all, n o t o n l y was I d r o p p i n g o u t o f a p r e s t i g i o u s p r e p s c h o o l a g a i n s t m y p a r e n t s ' w i s h e s , b u t I was w a l k i n g away f r o m a g o l d e n W A S P t r a c k t h a t h a d all b e e n laid o u t f o r m e . H a r d l y a w a r e a t t h a t a g e j u s t w h a t I was d o i n g , I was t a k i n g m y f i r s t g i a n t s t e p o u t o f m y e n t i r e c u l t u r e . T h a t c u l t u r e o f t h e " e s t a b l i s h m e n t " was w h a t o n e was s u p p o s e d t o a s p i r e t o , a n d I was t h r o w i n g i t away. A n d w h e r e was I to g o ? I was f o r g i n g i n t o t h e t o t a l u n k n o w n . I was so t e r r i f i e d t h a t I t h o u g h t I s h o u l d s e e k t h e a d v i c e o f s o m e o f Exe t e r ' s faculty b e f o r e f i n a l i z i n g s u c h a d r e a d f u l d e c i s i o n . B u t w h i c h o f t h e faculty? T h e f i r s t w h o c a m e t o m i n d was m y adviser. H e h a d b a r e l y s p o k e n t o m e f o r t w o a n d a h a l f y e a r s , b u t h e was r e p u t e d l y k i n d . A s e c o n d o b v i o u s c a n d i d a t e was t h e c r u s t y o l d d e a n o f t h e school, known to be beloved by thousands of alumni. But I t h o u g h t t h a t t h r e e was a g o o d n u m b e r , a n d t h e t h i r d c h o i c e was m o r e difficult. I f i n a l l y h i t u p o n Mr. L y n c h , m y m a t h t e a c h e r and a somewhat younger man. I chose him n o t because we h a d any relationship or because he s e e m e d to be a particularly warm sort of p e r s o n — i n d e e d , I f o u n d h i m a r a t h e r cold, m a t h ematical kind of fish—but because he h a d a reputation as the faculty g e n i u s . H e h a d b e e n i n v o l v e d w i t h s o m e k i n d o f h i g h level m a t h e m a t i c s o n t h e M a n h a t t a n P r o j e c t , a n d I t h o u g h t I s h o u l d check o u t my decision with a "genius." I w e n t f i r s t t o m y k i n d l y adviser, w h o l e t m e talk for a b o u t two m i n u t e s a n d t h e n g e n t l y b r o k e i n . "It's t r u e t h a t y o u ' r e u n -

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d e r a c h i e v i n g h e r e a t E x e t e r , Scotty," h e said, " b u t n o t s o seriously t h a t y o u w o n ' t b e a b l e t o g r a d u a t e . I t w o u l d b e p r e f e r a b l e for y o u t o g r a d u a t e f r o m a s c h o o l like E x e t e r w i t h lesser g r a d e s t h a n f r o m a l e s s e r s c h o o l w i t h b e t t e r g r a d e s . I t w o u l d also l o o k b a d o n y o u r r e c o r d t o switch h o r s e s i n m i d s t r e a m . B e s i d e s , I ' m sure your parents would be quite upset. So why d o n ' t you just go along a n d do the best you can?" N e x t I w e n t to t h e crusty old d e a n . He let me speak for thirty seconds. "Exeter is t h e best school in the world," he harr u m p h e d . " D a m n fool t h i n g y o u ' r e t h i n k i n g o f d o i n g . N o w y o u j u s t pull yourself up by the bootstraps, y o u n g m a n ! " F e e l i n g w o r s e a n d w o r s e , I w e n t t o s e e Mr. L y n c h . H e l e t m e talk myself o u t . I t t o o k a b o u t f i v e m i n u t e s . T h e n h e said h e d i d n ' t yet u n d e r s t a n d a n d a s k e d i f I w o u l d j u s t talk s o m e m o r e — a b o u t E x e t e r , a b o u t m y family, a b o u t G o d ( h e a c t u a l l y gave m e p e r m i s s i o n t o talk a b o u t G o d ! ) , a b o u t a n y t h i n g t h a t c a m e into my h e a d . So I r a m b l e d on for a n o t h e r t e n m i n u t e s — f i f t e e n m i n u t e s i n all, w h i c h was p r e t t y g o o d f o r a d e p r e s s e d , i n a r t i c u l a t e f i f t e e n - y e a r - o l d . W h e n I was d o n e , h e i n q u i r e d whether I would m i n d if he asked me some questions. Thriving o n this a d u l t a t t e n t i o n , I r e p l i e d , " O f c o u r s e n o t , " a n d h e q u e r i e d m e a b o u t m a n y different things for t h e n e x t half-hour. Finally, after forty-five m i n u t e s i n all, this s u p p o s e d l y c o l d f i s h sat b a c k i n his c h a i r w i t h a p a i n e d e x p r e s s i o n o n h i s face a n d said, " I ' m sorry. I c a n ' t h e l p y o u . I d o n ' t h a v e a n y a d v i c e t o give y o u . ' Y o u k n o w , " h e c o n t i n u e d , "it's i m p o s s i b l e f o r o n e p e r s o n to ever completely p u t himself in a n o t h e r person's shoes. But i n s o f a r a s I c a n p u t myself i n y o u r s h o e s — a n d I ' m g l a d I ' m n o t t h e r e — I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t I w o u l d do if I were you. So, you see, I d o n ' t k n o w h o w t o advise y o u . I ' m s o r r y t h a t I've b e e n u n a b l e to help." I t i s j u s t p o s s i b l e t h a t t h a t m a n s a v e d m y life. F o r w h e n I e n t e r e d Mr. L y n c h ' s office t h a t m o r n i n g s o m e forty-five y e a r s a g o , I was c l o s e to s u i c i d a l . A n d w h e n I left, I felt as if a t h o u s a n d p o u n d s h a d b e e n t a k e n off m y b a c k . B e c a u s e i f a genius d i d n ' t

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k n o w w h a t t o d o , t h e n i t was all r i g h t f o r m e n o t t o k n o w w h a t t o d o . A n d i f I was c o n s i d e r i n g a m o v e t h a t s e e m e d s o i n s a n e i n t h e w o r l d ' s t e r m s , a n d a genius c o u l d n ' t tell m e t h a t i t was clearly, o b v i o u s l y d e m e n t e d — w e l l , t h e n , m a y b e , j u s t m a y b e , i t was s o m e t h i n g G o d was c a l l i n g m e t o . S o i t was t h a t t h a t m a n , w h o d i d n ' t h a v e a n y a n s w e r s o r quick formulas, who didn't know what I should do a n d chose to p r a c t i c e e m p t i n e s s — i t was t h a t m a n w h o p r o v i d e d t h e h e l p I n e e d e d . I t was t h a t m a n w h o l i s t e n e d t o m e , w h o g a v e m e h i s time, who tried to put himself in my shoes, w h o e x t e n d e d himself a n d s a c r i f i c e d h i m s e l f f o r m e . I t was t h a t m a n w h o l o v e d m e . A n d i t was t h a t m a n w h o h e a l e d m e . T h e r e a r e n o s i m p l e o r easy f o r m u l a s . I n h a n d l i n g all life experiences, we must e n d u r e a degree of emptiness a n d the a g o n y of n o t k n o w i n g . As I w r o t e in Further Along the Road Less Traveled, t h e r e a r e m a n y t h i n g s w e o f t e n g o t h r o u g h life b l a m i n g o t h e r s for. S i n c e a b i g p a r t o f g r o w i n g u p i s l e a r n i n g t o forgive, e a c h t i m e w e m u s t r e c o n s i d e r a n d d e b a t e , " S h o u l d I b l a m e o r s h o u l d I forgive?" O r , " A m I b e i n g l o v i n g o r a m I b e i n g a d o o r m a t ? " O r simply, " W h a t i s t h e t h i n g t o d o ? " I t i s a d e c i s i o n t h a t m u s t b e m a d e a g a i n i n e a c h s i t u a t i o n a n d every different time. A l t h o u g h t h e r e is no certain formula, t h e r e is a guideline to h e l p in such decision making, which I first wrote a b o u t in The Different Drum. It is to r e c o g n i z e t h a t t h e u n c o n s c i o u s is always o n e s t e p a h e a d o f t h e c o n s c i o u s m i n d . T h e p r o b l e m i s w e d o n ' t k n o w w h e t h e r it's a h e a d i n t h e r i g h t d i r e c t i o n o r t h e w r o n g d i r e c t i o n . W e d o n ' t always k n o w i f t h a t still s m a l l v o i c e w e h e a r i s t h e v o i c e o f t h e H o l y Spirit, o r S a t a n , o r m a y b e j u s t o u r g l a n d s . I t is, t h e r e f o r e , i m p o s s i b l e e v e r t o k n o w t h a t w h a t we a r e d o i n g is right at t h e time, since k n o w i n g is a function of consciousness. H o w e v e r , i f y o u r will i s steadfastly t o t h e g o o d a n d i f y o u a r e willing t o suffer fully w h e n t h e g o o d s e e m s a m b i g u o u s (which to me seems a b o u t 98.7 p e r c e n t of the time), t h e n your u n c o n s c i o u s will always b e o n e s t e p a h e a d o f y o u r c o n s c i o u s

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m i n d i n t h e r i g h t d i r e c t i o n . I n o t h e r w o r d s , y o u will d o t h e right thing. But you won't have the luxury of knowing it at the t i m e y o u a r e d o i n g it. I n d e e d , y o u will d o t h e r i g h t t h i n g p r e cisely b e c a u s e y o u ' v e b e e n w i l l i n g t o f o r g o t h a t l u x u r y . A n d i f this g u i d e l i n e s e e m s o b s c u r e , t h e n y o u m i g h t w a n t t o r e m e m b e r t h a t a l m o s t all t h e evil i n this w o r l d i s c o m m i t t e d b y p e o p l e w h o a r e absolutely c e r t a i n t h a t t h e y k n o w w h a t t h e y a r e d o i n g .

CHAPTER

5

Organizational Life Choices

WE MAY THINK THAT WE MAKE p e r s o n a l life c h o i c e s as i n d i v i d u a l s , a s i f t h e i n d i v i d u a l e x i s t e d m o r e o r less i n i s o l a t i o n . B u t t h e r e ality i s t h a t w e d o n o t s o exist. W e h u m a n b e i n g s a r e social c r e a t u r e s , a n d virtually all o u r c h o i c e s a r e m a d e u n d e r t h e i n f l u e n c e , a n d i n t h e c o n t e x t of, t h e v a r i o u s o r g a n i z a t i o n s i n which we participate. By organizations, I do n o t simply m e a n business organizations. Families are organizations, a n d m a n y of t h e p r i n c i p l e s t h a t h o l d t r u e f o r families a l s o h o l d t r u e f o r b u s i n e s s e s , a n d vice v e r s a . O n t h e l a r g e s t scale, o u r w h o l e s o c i e t y i s a n o r g a n i z a t i o n . O n t h e s m a l l e s t , e v e r y s i n g l e social r e l a t i o n ship we have is an organization. A n y t i m e t h e r e is a relationship b e t w e e n t w o o r m o r e p e o p l e , a n o r g a n i z a t i o n o f s o m e s o r t i s involved. Consequently, the subject of organizational behavior enc o m p a s s e s virtually t h e e n t i r e f i e l d o f h u m a n p s y c h o l o g y , s i n c e virtually all h u m a n b e h a v i o r o c c u r s i n t h e c o n t e x t o f o n e o r m o r e organizations. Organizational behavior includes n o t only h o w i n d i v i d u a l s b e h a v e i n t e m p o r a r y g r o u p s b u t also h o w groups—and even the organizations themselves—function. T h e f i e l d i s e n o r m o u s , b u t I w o u l d like t o f o c u s o n o r g a n i z a -

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tional choices that seem to me most important, the decisions we m a k e a n d t h e actions we take that i m p i n g e u p o n o t h e r peop l e — a n d h o w w e t r e a t o t h e r s a s well a s o u r s e l v e s — f o r g o o d o r ill. I f t h e d e c i s i o n s w e m a k e affect o n l y o u r s e l v e s , w e c a n s i m p l y d o w h a t e v e r w e w a n t t o d o , t a k e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r it, a n d d e a l with t h e c o n s e q u e n c e s o f o u r actions. B u t w h e n o t h e r s a r e inv o l v e d , t h i s b r i n g s u s very c l e a r l y i n t o t h e r e a l m o f e t h i c s a n d t h e m a t t e r o f civility.

CIVILITY

I h a v e s p e n t m u c h o f t h e p a s t f i f t e e n y e a r s i n t h e a t t e m p t t o resu r r e c t two c r i t i c a l w o r d s f r o m a m e a n i n g l e s s d e a t h : c o m m u n i t y a n d civility. W h e n w e s p e a k o f c o m m u n i t y i n o u r c u r r e n t society, w e u s u a l l y m e a n a n y c o n g l o m e r a t i o n o f p e o p l e . F o r ins t a n c e , w e will r e f e r t o M o r r i s t o w n , N e w J e r s e y , a s a c o m m u n i t y . B u t t h e fact o f t h e m a t t e r i s t h a t M o r r i s t o w n , N e w J e r s e y , i s n o t h i n g b u t a geographical aggregate of p e o p l e with a certain t a x b a s e a n d a few social s e r v i c e s i n c o m m o n , b u t p r e c i o u s little else—if a n y t h i n g — t h a t links t h e m t o g e t h e r a s h u m a n b e i n g s . O r w e will r e f e r t o t h e T h i r d P r e s b y t e r i a n C h u r c h o f s o m e t o w n as a c o m m u n i t y w h e n , m o r e often t h a n n o t , t h e reality is t h a t t h e p e o p l e sitting in t h e pews n e x t to e a c h o t h e r are u n a b l e to talk t o e a c h o t h e r a b o u t t h e t h i n g s t h a t a r e m o s t t r o u b l i n g a n d i m p o r t a n t i n t h e i r lives. I h a v e c o m e t o r e f e r t o s u c h a g g r e g a t e s of p e o p l e as p s e u d o c o m m u n i t i e s . For m e , c o m m u n i t y has t o d o with c o m m u n i c a t i o n , a n d real c o m m u n i t y s h o u l d imply a sustained a n d h i g h quality of c o m m u n i c a t i o n a m o n g its m e m b e r s . I f i r s t w r o t e a b o u t c o m m u n i t y in The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace. B u t t h e m a j o r f o c u s o f m y life t h e s e y e a r s h a s b e e n n o t w r i t i n g b u t working with o t h e r s in t h e establishment a n d d e v e l o p m e n t of t h e F o u n d a t i o n for C o m m u n i t y E n c o u r a g e m e n t (FCE). It is t h e mission of this e d u c a t i o n a l f o u n d a t i o n to t e a c h t h e principles of community, by which we m e a n healthy a n d a u t h e n t i c communication within a n d between groups.

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M y w o r k w i t h F C E l e d m e , a t a t i m e o f social b r e a k d o w n a n d increasing adversarialism, to an a t t e m p t to resurrect ano t h e r w o r d f a l l e n i n t o m e a n i n g l e s s n e s s : "civility." All t h a t i s g e n erally m e a n t t h e s e days b y "civility" i s s u p e r f i c i a l p o l i t e n e s s . B u t t h e fact i s t h a t p e o p l e h a v e b e e n p o l i t e l y s t a b b i n g e a c h o t h e r i n t h e b a c k a n d politely h u r t i n g e a c h o t h e r for G o d knows h o w l o n g . I was h e l p e d t o a r r i v e a t a m o r e m e a n i n g f u l d e f i n i t i o n o f civility b y a n E n g l i s h g e n t l e m a n o f t h e last c e n t u r y , O l i v e r H e r e f o r d , w h o i s f a m e d f o r saying, " A g e n t l e m a n i s s o m e o n e w h o never h u r t s a n o t h e r p e r s o n ' s feelings unintentionally." W h a t that m e a n s to me is that sometimes it may be necessary to h u r t a n o t h e r p e r s o n ' s f e e l i n g s , b u t t h e key i s i n t e n t i o n , m e a n i n g awareness of what you are doing. Such awareness requires cons c i o u s n e s s . So in my b o o k on t h e s u b j e c t , A World Waiting to Be Born: Civility Rediscovered, I d e f i n e d "civility" n o t as m e r e s u p e r ficial politeness, b u t as "consciously motivated organizational b e h a v i o r t h a t is ethical in submission to a h i g h e r power." It can be assumed that anyone who has m a d e the choice to be c o n s c i o u s w a n t s to be a civil p e r s o n . B u t t h e r e is a m a j o r p r o b l e m h e r e : i n o r d e r t o b e civil, w e m u s t b e c o n s c i o u s n o t only of o u r o w n motivations b u t also of t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n — o r s y s t e m — i n w h i c h w e a r e a c t i n g . Civility r e q u i r e s o r g a n i z a t i o n a l as well as i n d i v i d u a l c o n s c i o u s n e s s . C o n s e q u e n t l y , if we a s p i r e to ever g r e a t e r civility, w e m u s t i n c r e a s i n g l y t h i n k i n t e r m s o f systems.

SYSTEMS

T h e m o s t e n j o y a b l e p a r t o f m y m e d i c a l s c h o o l e d u c a t i o n was t h e s t u d y o f m i c r o s c o p i c a n a t o m y . All e x t e r n a l a p p e a r a n c e s t o t h e c o n t r a r y , o u r b o d i e s a r e m o s t l y water. C o n s e q u e n t l y , w h e n y o u l o o k a t t h i n slices o f o u r o r g a n s u n d e r a m i c r o s c o p e y o u c a n n o t see m u c h e x c e p t pallid, indistinguishable filaments. But i f y o u t a k e t h e s e s a m e slices, s o a k t h e m f o r a w h i l e i n s e l e c t e d dyes, a n d l o o k a g a i n , s u d d e n l y y o u h a v e e n t e r e d a f a i r y l a n d , a garden of delights c o m p a r e d to which Disneyland is downright

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insipid. No m a t t e r what o u r age, station, or even state of h e a l t h , a t this level w e a r e all very b e a u t i f u l o n t h e i n s i d e . G r a d u a l l y , a s I p e e r e d a t o n e b e a u t i f u l cell a f t e r a n o t h e r , m i c r o s c o p i c slide after s l i d e , m o n t h after m o n t h , s o m e t h i n g e v e n m o r e i m p o r t a n t d a w n e d o n m e . E a c h a n d e v e r y cell was n o t o n l y a s y s t e m in itself, b u t also a m i n u s c u l e p a r t of a l a r g e r , e v e n m o r e c o m p l e x system. T h e a b s o r b i n g villi cells, t h e s m o o t h m u s c l e cells, a n d t h e c o n n e c t i v e t i s s u e cells h o l d i n g t h e m t o g e t h e r w e r e all a n i n t e g r a t e d p a r t o f a n o r g a n — i n this c a s e , t h e s m a l l i n t e s t i n e . T h e s m a l l i n t e s t i n e , i n t u r n , was a p a r t o f t h e d i g e s t i v e system. A n d t h e d i g e s t i v e system was i n t e g r a t e d w i t h o t h e r systems o f t h e b o d y . T h e f i n e f i l a m e n t s o f t h e a u t o n o m i c n e r v e cells t h a t s t i m u l a t e d t h e d i g e s t i v e m u s c l e s t o r e l a x or contract a n d t h e glands to rest or secrete were m i n u t e parts o f t h e n e r v o u s s y s t e m , c o n n e c t i n g all t h e way u p t h r o u g h t h e s p i n a l c o r d t o o t h e r cells i n t h e b r a i n . T h r o u g h o u t e a c h o r g a n w e r e t h e t i n y cells o f a r t e r i e s o r v e i n s , all c o n n e c t e d t o t h e h e a r t a s p a r t o f t h e c i r c u l a t o r y system. A n d i n e a c h a r t e r y o r v e i n I c o u l d spy v a r i e t i e s o f b l o o d cells, o r i g i n a l l y m a n u f a c t u r e d i n t h e b o n e m a r r o w a s little tiny p a r t s o f t h e h e m a t o p o i e t i c system. Actually, I h a d " k n o w n " f o r y e a r s t h a t t h e h u m a n b o d y — a n d t h e b o d y o f every o t h e r living t h i n g , a n i m a l o r p l a n t — w a s a system. B u t p r i o r t o m e d i c a l s c h o o l , I h a d n o t b e e n a w a r e o f t h e e x t r a o r d i n a r y c o m p l e x i t y a n d b e a u t y o f s u c h systems. I t was a t t h i s p o i n t I was a b l e t o m a k e a n o t h e r l e a p o f c o n s c i o u s n e s s t o s o m e t h i n g , o n c e a g a i n , I h a d l o n g " k n o w n , " b u t o n l y dimly. S i n c e e a c h i n d i v i d u a l cell was a c o m p o n e n t o f a n o r g a n , a n d e a c h individual o r g a n a c o m p o n e n t of a b o d y system, a n d e a c h s u c h s y s t e m a c o m p o n e n t o f t h e b o d y a s a w h o l e , was i t n o t p o s sible t h a t m y b o d y was also p a r t o f a l a r g e r s y s t e m still? I n o t h e r w o r d s , m i g h t I — m y i n d i v i d u a l s e l f — b e b u t a s i n g l e cell o f a n o r g a n of s o m e gigantic organism? Of course. As a fledgling p h y s i c i a n , I was c o n n e c t e d , d i r e c t l y o r i n d i r e c t l y , t o c o u n t l e s s o t h e r i n d i v i d u a l h u m a n cells. T o m y p a r e n t s , w h o p a i d m y tuition. To the older physicians w h o taught m e . To t h e laboratory

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t e c h n i c i a n s w h o c o n d u c t e d t h e tests I o r d e r e d . T o h o s p i t a l a d ministrators. To manufacturers who m a d e the e q u i p m e n t I used. To the patients I used that e q u i p m e n t on. To growers in Mississippi a n d C a l i f o r n i a w h o s o l d c o t t o n t o t h e N o r t h C a r olina textile workers w h o m a d e t h e clothes I wore. To r a n c h e r s i n K a n s a s w h o g r e w t h e beef, a n d f a r m e r s i n N e w J e r s e y w h o g r e w t h e l e t t u c e I a t e . T o t h e t r u c k d r i v e r s w h o t r a n s p o r t e d all these things to me. To my landlord. To the barber who cut my hair. A n d o n a n d o n . S o i t was ( a l t h o u g h I h a d n o t y e t e v e n h e a r d t h e t e r m ) t h a t I b e c a m e a f o u r s q u a r e b e l i e v e r i n "systems t h e o r y . " T h e b a s i c t e n e t o f systems t h e o r y ( w h i c h i s a c t u a l l y n o t a t h e o r y b u t a fact) is t h a t e v e r y t h i n g is a system. On a level m o r e m a c r o s c o p i c t h a n t h a t o f a cell o r a n o r g a n o r a n o r g a n system o r a n i n d i v i d u a l , all o f u s a r e c o m p o n e n t p a r t s o f t h e f a b r i c o f h u m a n society. W e a r e j u s t b e g i n n i n g t o w a k e u p t o t h e fact t h a t t h e w h o l e of t h a t society is c o n n e c t e d to t h e waters, to t h e l a n d , to t h e forests, a n d t h e a t m o s p h e r e : t h e " e c o s y s t e m . " I n d e e d , syst e m s t h e o r i s t s o f t e n e n v i s i o n t h e e n t i r e p l a n e t a s a s i n g l e org a n i s m . O u r e a r t h is, o f c o u r s e , a p a r t o f t h e s o l a r system. A n d a s w e b e g i n t o r e a c h e v e n f a r t h e r i n t o o u t e r s p a c e , w e will p r o b ably p e r c e i v e a s y s t e m i c n a t u r e t o t h e g a l a x i e s a n d t h e u n i v e r s e itself. B e y o n d t h e fact t h a t e v e r y t h i n g t h a t exists is p a r t of a syst e m , systems t h e o r y also h o l d s t h a t i f y o u c h a n g e o n e c o m p o n e n t o f t h e system, all t h e o t h e r p a r t s m u s t a l s o c h a n g e . O n l y i n t h e p a s t few d e c a d e s h a v e w e b e c o m e s o m e w h a t a w a r e o f t h i s fact i n o u r society. W e h a v e c o m e t o r e a l i z e t h a t virtually everyt h i n g w e d o h a s a n effect u p o n o u r e n v i r o n m e n t , a n d t h a t t h e s e effects h a v e t h e p o t e n t i a l t o e i t h e r n u r t u r e u s o r d e s t r o y u s . A s a n e x a m p l e , virtually e v e r y o n e w h o o w n s a c a r h a s h a d t h e e x p e r i e n c e of taking it to a s h o p for a m i n o r r e p a i r only to h a v e i t c o n k o u t o n t h e way b a c k h o m e . W h e n this h a p p e n s , y o u m a y c u r s e t h e m e c h a n i c f o r h a v i n g d o n e s o m e evil d e e d . B u t a s a r u l e , n o evil d e e d h a s b e e n d o n e a t all. I t i s j u s t t h a t t h e presence of a b r a n d - n e w p a r t has caused a subtle c h a n g e in the

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e n g i n e — t h e entire system—which requires an adjustment in the other parts, sometimes an adjustment those older parts are not able to m a k e without themselves breaking down. H u m a n r e l a t i o n s h i p s a r e also a system: m a r r i a g e , i n p a r t i c ular. I n o u r w o r k a s p s y c h o t h e r a p i s t s w i t h c o u p l e s , Lily c o i n e d the term "tenuousness," by which she m e a n t that in a marriage each partner's definition of the other should be t e n u o u s — n a m e l y , flexible r a t h e r t h a n f i x e d . A g a i n a n d a g a i n i n o u r p r a c tice w e saw t h a t w h e n e v e r o n e m a r i t a l p a r t n e r significantly c h a n g e d or grew as a result of psychotherapy, the o t h e r p a r t n e r w o u l d h a v e t o c h a n g e o r g r o w i n r e s p o n s e , o r else t h e s y s t e m — t h e m a r r i a g e — w o u l d fall a p a r t . I do n o t m e a n to suggest that psychotherapy is the only v a r i a b l e i n t h e e q u a t i o n . All m a n n e r o f t h i n g s c a n c h a n g e t h e n a t u r e o f a m a r r i a g e . T h e n a t u r e o f m y m a r r i a g e t o Lily c h a n g e d as soon as we h a d children. It c h a n g e d again when the children were out of diapers. It changed once m o r e when the children e n t e r e d adolescence. A n d it c h a n g e d again w h e n they left h o m e . A l o n g t h e way, i t h a d t o c h a n g e w h e n o u r f i n a n c i a l situation c h a n g e d a n d we moved from being the recipients of p h i l a n t h r o p y to roughly twenty years of b r e a k i n g even to b e i n g significant c o n t r i b u t o r s to charitable causes. It has certainly c h a n g e d again as we moved from middle age into old age a n d my retirement. So systems t h e o r y implies t h a t we m u s t be able to adjust— s o m e t i m e s very q u i c k l y — o r t h e s y s t e m m a y b r e a k d o w n . B u t t o have t h e capacity to m a k e such rapid changes, we m u s t have an a c u t e c o n s c i o u s n e s s o f t h e systems t o w h i c h w e b e l o n g . A n d there's the r u b . We h u m a n s are conscious to varying degrees. A n d while almost everyone is conscious of himself as an entity a n d is aware of his m o r e u r g e n t n e e d s a n d desires, we lack s u c h c l e a r a w a r e n e s s o f o u r social m o t i v a t i o n s a n d o f t h e S h a d o w f r o m w h i c h t h o s e m o t i v a t i o n s m a y s p r i n g . E v e n w i t h a relatively advanced degree of consciousness, most of us remain remarkably u n c o n s c i o u s o f t h e c o m p l e x o r g a n i z a t i o n s a n d social systems to which we belong. T h i s l a c k o f o r g a n i z a t i o n a l a n d social c o n s c i o u s n e s s i s s u c h

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a d r a m a t i c p h e n o m e n o n t h a t I h a v e c o m e t o call i t t h e h o l e i n t h e m i n d . A n d w h i l e this h o l e i s o f t e n g a p i n g , s o m e t i m e s i t i s m o r e like a slice of Swiss c h e e s e . F o r i n s t a n c e , a b u s i n e s s e x e c utive i s likely t o h a v e c o m e t o t h e a w a r e n e s s t h a t h i s c o m p a n y i s a c o m p l e x system, b u t h e m a y n e v e r o n c e h a v e s t o p p e d t o t h i n k o f h i s o w n family a s a system. O t h e r s m a y b e q u i t e a w a r e o f t h e i r family a s a system, b u t h a v e little c o n s c i o u s n e s s a b o u t t h e o r g a nization that employs them. This hole in the mind—this unconsciousness concerning o u r o r g a n i z a t i o n s — i s f r e q u e n t l y f e d b y o u r n a r c i s s i s m . F o r instance, in a large m a n u f a c t u r i n g c o m p a n y , it is p r o b a b l e t h a t most of the workers on the assembly line think of themselves as t h e c o r e o f t h e c o m p a n y a n d give little o r n o t h o u g h t t o t h e o t h e r e m p l o y e e s a n d t h e i r r o l e s . After all, t h e y ' r e t h e o n e s w h o actually m a k e the p r o d u c t , are they not? T h e salespeople may also t h i n k o f t h e m s e l v e s a s t h e c o r e o f t h e c o m p a n y . A f t e r all, t h e y a r e t h e o n e s w h o sell t h e p r o d u c t , a n d i f i t d i d n ' t g e t s o l d there would be no company. But the marketing people are likely t o t h i n k o f t h e m s e l v e s a s t h e c e n t e r o f t h e c o m p a n y b e c a u s e t h e sales staff w o u l d n ' t b e a b l e t o sell t h e p r o d u c t i f t h e y d i d n ' t m a r k e t i t well. T h o s e i n t h e f i n a n c i a l division m a y t h i n k they are the center of the company, because they balance the b o o k s a n d k e e p t h e c o m p a n y solvent. A n d those i n m a n a g e m e n t may think of themselves as the most important, because they create t h e policies that guide the c o r p o r a t i o n , b u t they m a y h a v e p r e c i o u s little e m p a t h y f o r t h e o t h e r s i n d i f f e r e n t roles w h o c o n t r i b u t e to the whole. T h e s a m e i s t r u e o f o u r society g e n e r a l l y , a n d o f t h e r a c i s m a n d classism t h a t p e r v a d e it. T h e f a i l u r e t o b e a w a r e o f o t h e r s ' c o n t r i b u t i o n s h a s l e d t o a lack o f civility, p e r h a p s b e c a u s e w e feel o v e r w h e l m e d s i m p l y t r y i n g t o b e c o m e m o r e c o n s c i o u s o f o u r s e l v e s a n d h a v e n o e n e r g y left o v e r t o d e v e l o p o u r o r g a n i z a t i o n a l a n d social c o n s c i o u s n e s s . N e v e r t h e l e s s , t h e r e i s n o way t h a t w e c a n evolve i n t o a m o r e civil society u n t i l e v e r g r e a t e r n u m b e r s of us a r e willing to m a k e t h e c h o i c e n o t only to be pers o n a l l y c o n s c i o u s b u t also t o t h i n k i n t e r m s o f w h o l e systems a n d e x p a n d o u r a w a r e n e s s i n o r d e r t o fill t h e h o l e i n t h e m i n d .

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ETHICS I h a v e a f r i e n d w h o was o n e o f t h e f i r s t A m e r i c a n p i l o t s s h o t d o w n a n d c a p t u r e d b y t h e N o r t h V i e t n a m e s e . I n t h e e a r l y days o f h i s s e v e n - y e a r captivity, h e a n d h i s fellow p r i s o n e r s o f w a r w e r e systematically t o r t u r e d . I n a n e x t r a o r d i n a r y b o o k a b o u t his e x p e r i e n c e s , he m a k e s it q u i t e clear t h a t his captors w e r e eng a g i n g i n fully c o n s c i o u s o r g a n i z a t i o n a l b e h a v i o r . T h e y k n e w e x a c t l y w h a t t h e y w e r e d o i n g . T h e y w e r e c o n s c i o u s o f t h e i r int e n t a n d t h e effect t h e i r b e a t i n g s a n d e v e n m o r e b r u t a l p r a c tices h a d o n t h e i r v i c t i m s . T h e y k n e w t h a t a n y o n e will b r e a k u n d e r e n o u g h pain a n d that their torture would extract confessions—no m a t t e r h o w false—useful for p r o p a g a n d a purp o s e s a n d s e r v i n g t h e i r o r g a n i z a t i o n a l m i s s i o n . Yet, e v e n t h o s e A m e r i c a n s w h o w e r e h o r r i f i e d b y t h e incivility o f o u r p r o s e c u tion of the Vietnam War would never consider torture to have b e e n a civil r e s p o n s e o r i n a n y way j u s t i f i e d . S o civility i s s o m e t h i n g m o r e t h a n o r g a n i z a t i o n a l b e h a v i o r t h a t i s m e r e l y " c o n s c i o u s l y m o t i v a t e d . " I t m u s t b e ethical a s well. A n d all b u t t h e m o r a l l y i n s a n e w o u l d a g r e e t h a t t o r t u r e i s inh e r e n t l y a n d grossly u n e t h i c a l . I u s e t h i s e x a m p l e b e c a u s e i t i s s o g r o s s , n o t t o s i d e s t e p t h e fact t h a t a m u c h m o r e s u b t l e i n c i vility i s t h e r e a l , p e r v a s i v e p r o b l e m i n o u r society. A n d it, t o o , i s u n e t h i c a l . T o b e e t h i c a l is, a t t h e v e r y least, t o b e " h u m a n i s t i c , " which by definition m e a n s having the attitude that people are precious a n d s h o u l d be treated accordingly insofar as possible. We do not torture people if we think of t h e m as precious. Recently t h e r e has b e e n m u c h criticism o f "secular h u m a n i s m " b y t h e r e l i g i o u s r i g h t . I b e l i e v e t h a t m a n y o f t h e s e critics w o u l d b e well a d v i s e d t o b e c o m e m o r e h u m a n i s t i c t h e m s e l v e s . N e v e r t h e l e s s , I also b e l i e v e t h e y h a v e a p o i n t . S e c u l a r h u m a n i s m i s like a h o u s e b u i l t o n s a n d . W h e n t h e g o i n g g e t s r o u g h — w h e n b u s i n e s s i s b a d o r strife i s a b r o a d — s e c u l a r h u m a n i s t i c a t t i t u d e s m a y easily b e b l o w n away. F o r e x a m p l e , t h e m e d i a have b e e n recognized to be a particularly secular realm. A n d those w h o work in the media not only generally regard t h e m s e l v e s a s h u m a n i s t s b u t also t h i n k t h a t t h e i r w o r k t o k e e p

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p e o p l e i n f o r m e d i s i m p o r t a n t i n k e e p i n g society a t l e a s t b a r e l y civil a n d h u m a n i s t i c . T h e r e i s s o m e t r u t h i n this. H o w e v e r , I k n o w all t o o m a n y i n s t a n c e s o f r e p o r t e r s easily a n d q u i c k l y throwing their h u m a n i s m out the window in their eagerness to g e t a story. T h e p r o b l e m w i t h s e c u l a r h u m a n i s m i s t h a t i t says n o t h i n g a b o u t why h u m a n b e i n g s a r e p r e c i o u s , n o r w h y t h e y s h o u l d b e treated accordingly. Consequently, secular h u m a n i s m , b e i n g u n r o o t e d in any k i n d of theology, is often a fair-weather p h e n o m e n o n . T h a t i s w h y I d e f i n e civil b e h a v i o r n o t s i m p l y a s " e t h ical," b u t specifically a s " e t h i c a l i n s u b m i s s i o n t o a h i g h e r p o w e r . " F o r if, as I h a v e said, l i g h t , t r u t h , a n d love a r e all syno n y m s o f a s o r t for G o d , a n d i f w e a r e truly s u b m i t t e d t o t h e s e t h i n g s , o u r b e h a v i o r will b e g o d l y e v e n t h o u g h w e m a y n o t think of ourselves as religious. As an e x a m p l e of such submission, let me r e t u r n to t h e rep o r t e r w h o m a y t h r o w his h u m a n i s m o u t t h e w i n d o w i n o r d e r t o g e t a story. A l t h o u g h t h a t r e p o r t e r m a y ( n o t always) t a k e p a i n s n o t t o lie (lest h e b e s u e d ) a n d will, t h e r e f o r e , "stick t o t h e facts," h e i s likely t o r e t a i n c o m p l e t e l i c e n s e t o d e c i d e u p o n w h i c h facts h e will r e p o r t a n d w h i c h h e will n o t . I n this s e n s e , facts a r e like statistics. T h e y c a n b e u s e d t o say a n y t h i n g y o u want. In m a n y situations, a r e p o r t e r is c o m p l e t e l y free to d r a w a b l a c k p i c t u r e , a w h i t e p i c t u r e , or a g r a y p i c t u r e . U n l e s s he is a v e r y c o n s c i e n t i o u s i n d i v i d u a l , i t i s q u i t e likely t h a t h i s c h o i c e will b e d e t e r m i n e d n o t b y a n y d e e p s u b m i s s i o n t o t h e t r u t h s o m u c h a s b y w h a t s e e m s t o m a k e a g o o d story. E v e n i f t h e r e p o r t e r i s d e v o t e d t o t r u t h , t h e r e i s a c h a i n o f c o m m a n d involved i n t h e p r o c e s s o f h o w a s t o r y g e t s i n t e r p r e t e d . A f t e r t h e r e p o r t e r h a s w r i t t e n it, h i s e d i t o r s — w h o a r e n o t d i r e c t l y involved i n t h e initial g a t h e r i n g o f i n f o r m a t i o n — w i l l a d d t h e i r own perspectives. They do so by m e a n s of the headline a n d by t h e l e n g t h a n d p l a c e m e n t o f t h e story. F r o m m y p o i n t o f view, t h e b e s t s t o r i e s a r e t h o s e t h a t a r e gray, b e c a u s e t h e t r u t h i s g e n erally c o m p l e x . B u t i t i s m y e x p e r i e n c e t h a t m a n y r e p o r t e r s would r a t h e r n o t submit themselves to such complexity, because it d o e s n ' t m a k e for g o o d , e n t i c i n g h e a d l i n e s . Even they

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will a d m i t to l o o k i n g for a " s l a n t " on a story, a p p a r e n t l y f o r g e t ting that t h e r e is a difference b e t w e e n slanted stories a n d t h e truth. In dealing with such ethical complexities, I have f o u n d t h e distinction between c o d e ethics a n d situation ethics to be helpful, a l m o s t e s s e n t i a l . C o d e e t h i c s a r e d e r i v e d f r o m v a r i o u s e t h i cal p r e s c r i p t i o n s t h a t h a v e b e e n i n u s e t h r o u g h o u t history. T h e earliest k n o w n is the C o d e of H a m m u r a b i . Far better known to us are the Ten C o m m a n d m e n t s . W h a t such codes do i s t o p r o n o u n c e c e r t a i n acts t o b e b a d , w r o n g , o r i m p e r m i s sible u n d e r a n y c i r c u m s t a n c e s . F o r i n s t a n c e , o n e o f t h e T e n C o m m a n d m e n t s i s " T h o u s h a l t n o t kill." I t i s n ' t " T h o u s h a l t n o t kill e x c e p t i n t i m e o f war," o r " T h o u s h a l t n o t kill e x c e p t i n self-defense"; i t i s " T h o u s h a l t n o t kill," p e r i o d . N o ifs, a n d s , o r buts. T h e basic t e n e t of situation ethics, however, is that no ethical j u d g m e n t c a n b e m a d e a b o u t a n a c t w i t h o u t c o n s i d e r a t i o n of the circumstances in which it occurs. Unlike the Ten Comm a n d m e n t s , s i t u a t i o n e t h i c s w o u l d allow f o r k i l l i n g i n s u c h circ u m s t a n c e s a s w a r t i m e a n d self-defense. O u r society h a s e v o l v e d away f r o m s i m p l i s t i c c o d e e t h i c s tow a r d s i t u a t i o n a l e t h i c s . T h i s i s d r a m a t i c a l l y visible i n o u r l e g a l system. G o visit y o u r lawyer a n d y o u a r e likely t o s e e t h a t h e r office i s f i l l e d w i t h b o o k s h e l v e s full o f w e i g h t y t o m e s . W h a t m o s t o f t h o s e h e a v y b o o k s c o n t a i n a r e legal p r e c e d e n t s o f a situat i o n a l n a t u r e . S u c h p r e c e d e n t s will s t a t e , " T h o u s h a l t n o t b r e a k a c o n t r a c t , e x c e p t as in t h e c a s e of Jones v. Smith, w h e r e s u c h a n d such circumstances prevailed," or " T h o u shalt n o t b r e a k a cont r a c t e x c e p t i n t h e k i n d o f s i t u a t i o n t h a t o c c u r r e d i n Brown v . Taylor" To live by s i t u a t i o n a l e t h i c s , it is n e c e s s a r y f o r t h e i n d i v i d u a l t o h a v e t h e c a p a c i t y t o s e r v e a s a n e n t i r e l e g a l system w i t h i n himself. T o b e h e a l t h y a n d w h o l e , w e m u s t p o s s e s s w i t h i n o u r own m i n d s a c o m p e t e n t defense attorney, a c o m p e t e n t prosec u t i n g attorney, a n d a g o o d j u d g e . P e o p l e with c h a r a c t e r disord e r s t e n d t o h a v e a very s t r o n g i n t e r n a l d e f e n s e a t t o r n e y , b u t a very weak c o n s c i e n c e o r i n t e r n a l p r o s e c u t i n g attorney. T h o s e

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with n e u r o s e s t e n d to have a very s t r o n g p r o s e c u t i n g attorney b u t a weak defense attorney, w h o is u n a b l e to s p e a k up for his c l i e n t . Finally, t h e r e a r e t h o s e w h o h a v e i n t h e i r h e a d s b o t h a reasonably c o m p e t e n t defense attorney a n d p r o s e c u t i n g attorn e y b u t t h e n , for o n e r e a s o n o r a n o t h e r , h a v e g r e a t difficulty c o m i n g t o d e c i s i o n s b e c a u s e t h e y lack a g o o d j u d g e . I h e a r t i l y s u p p o r t t h e m o v e m e n t o f society ( a n d o f individuals in their own p e r s o n a l decision m a k i n g ) toward situational e t h i c s . As a p s y c h i a t r i s t , I am v e r y f a m i l i a r w i t h t h e fact t h a t rigid c o d e e t h i c s o f t e n h a v e i n h u m a n e c o n s e q u e n c e s . B u t t h e r e a r e two c a v e a t s t o b e c o n s i d e r e d . O n e i s t h a t t h e u s e o f s i t u a t i o n ethics m e a n s that t h e r e are no formulas, so healthy individuals have the responsibility to reconsider their behavior each a n d every t i m e t h e s i t u a t i o n c h a n g e s e v e r s o slightly. W h i l e i t m i g h t be the right thing to blame s o m e o n e in o n e situation, it might b e t h e r i g h t t h i n g t o forgive h i m i n a s u b t l y d i f f e r e n t o n e . W i t h out formulas, we never know at the time that what we are doing is right. We m u s t have the capacity to o p e r a t e o u t of the " e m p tiness o f n o t k n o w i n g . " My o t h e r caveat is that I do n o t want to imply that c o d e ethics are useless. Again, in r e c e n t years, t h e religious right has b e c o m e m o r e a n d m o r e critical o f s i t u a t i o n a l e t h i c s , a n d a g a i n they may have a small p o i n t — a l t h o u g h I suspect t h a t their proposals w o u l d be regressive. Consider, for instance, t h e c o n c e p t o f a j u s t war. G i v e n t h e c u r r e n t s t a t e o f h u m a n e v o l u t i o n , i n w h i c h i t s e e m s b e y o n d u s t o g e t r i d o f war, I b e l i e v e i t was a p p r o p r i a t e for t h e Catholic C h u r c h to use situational ethics in d e v e l o p i n g t h e c o n c e p t o f a j u s t war. B u t I ' m n o t s u r e w e w o u l d even a t t e m p t to discriminate b e t w e e n j u s t a n d unjust wars were i t n o t for t h e e x i s t e n c e o f a p e r s i s t i n g c o d e e t h i c t h a t s t a t e s , " T h o u s h a l t n o t kill."

INTERDEPENDENCE AND COLLABORATION

In The Road Less Traveled, I n o t e d t h a t we all h a v e d e p e n d e n c y n e e d s a n d f e e l i n g s , b u t t h a t t h e s e d o n o t c o n s t i t u t e love a n d

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t h a t t o b e d r i v e n b y t h e m i s t o fall i n t o t h e t e r r i b l e t r a p o f d e p e n d e n c y . I t i s a t r a p b e c a u s e i t leaves t h e d e p e n d e n t i n d i v i d u a l continually feeling that he c a n n o t be whole or h a p p y without the almost constant attention of other people. Just o n e of the m a n y p r o b l e m s such d e p e n d e n c y can cause is pathological jealousy. N o t h i n g t h a t I said a b o u t d e p e n d e n c y was w r o n g , b u t I s h o u l d have b a l a n c e d my castigation of it with a h y m n in praise of interdependence. At t h e time I w r o t e The Road Less Traveled, I was still o p e r a t ing to some degree u n d e r the ethic of good old American r u g g e d i n d i v i d u a l i s m , w h i c h h o l d s t h a t w e a r e all c a l l e d t o b e c o m e i n d e p e n d e n t , t o s t a n d o n o u r o w n two feet, a n d t o b e c a p tains of o u r own ship, if n o t necessarily masters of o u r own destiny. All t h a t i s f i n e ; I b e l i e v e t h a t w e a r e c a l l e d t o i n d e p e n d e n c e w h e n possible. But t h e h u g e p r o b l e m with t h e ethic of r u g g e d individualism is that it neglects the o t h e r side of the c o i n : t h a t w e a r e also c a l l e d t o c o m e t o t e r m s w i t h o u r o w n sin, o u r inevitable imperfection a n d inadequacy, a n d o u r m u t u a l i n t e r d e p e n d e n c e . It is b e c a u s e t h e i n d i v i d u a l i s t e t h i c is o n l y a h a l f - t r u t h t h a t i t e n c o u r a g e s u s t o h i d e o u r w e a k n e s s e s a n d failu r e s a n d t o feel a s h a m e d o f o u r l i m i t a t i o n s . I t d r i v e s u s t o att e m p t t o b e s u p e r w o m e n a n d s u p e r m e n , n o t o n l y i n t h e eyes o f o t h e r s b u t also i n o u r o w n eyes. I t p u s h e s u s , d a y i n a n d d a y o u t , t o l o o k a s i f w e " h a d i t all t o g e t h e r , " a n d i t l e a d s t o s u c h p h e n o m e n a a s p e o p l e s i t t i n g i n t h e s a m e p e w b u t n o t a b l e t o talk t o each other about their pain a n d yearning a n d disappointments, hiding b e h i n d their masks of c o m p o s u r e so that they can look a s i f t h e y a r e i n t o t a l c o n t r o l o f t h e i r lives. In The Different Drum, w r i t t e n s e v e n y e a r s later, I d e n o u n c e d this s i m p l i s t i c , o n e - s i d e d , n o n p a r a d o x i c a l , a n d t h e r e fore fallacious ethic a n d , in talking a b o u t c o m m u n i t y , b e g a n to champion interdependence. My most dramatic examples of the virtues of i n t e r d e p e n d e n c e have c o m e from my work in h e l p i n g g r o u p s b u i l d c o m m u n i t y . B u t l e t m e also s i n g its p r a i s e s i n t h e s m a l l e s t o f o r g a n i z a t i o n s : m a r r i a g e , a n d m y m a r r i a g e t o Lily, i n p a r t i c u l a r . I n o u r m a r r i a g e , Lily's p r i m a r y r o l e h a s b e e n t h a t o f

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h o m e m a k e r a n d m i n e that o f breadwinner. For s o m e years w e worried a b o u t the d e g r e e to which these roles were dictated by cultural, sexual stereotypes. Only gradually did we c o m e to the p e a c e f u l r e a l i z a t i o n t h a t t h e y w e r e , i n fact, n o t d i c t a t e d b y stereotypes b u t m o r e by o u r own very different personalities. F r o m t h e b e g i n n i n g o f o u r m a r r i a g e I n o t e d t h a t Lily was mildly disorganized. N o t infrequently she would b e c o m e so engrossed in smelling the flowers that she would forget an appointm e n t o r n e g l e c t t o w r i t e a p r o m i s e d letter. I , o n t h e o t h e r h a n d , f r o m t h e b e g i n n i n g , was w h a t c a n b e c a l l e d g o a l - o r i e n t e d — t o p u t i t mildly. I n e v e r h a d t i m e t o sniff a flower u n l e s s its b l o o m h a p p e n e d t o c o i n c i d e with m y s c h e d u l e , a c c o r d i n g t o which e v e r y t h i r d T h u r s d a y a f t e r n o o n f r o m 2:00 t o 2:30 was design a t e d f o r flower-sniffing, b a r r i n g r a i n . F u r t h e r m o r e , I u s e d t o b e r a t e Lily f o r h e r i n c l i n a t i o n t o speak in what I considered irrelevancies—details that got in the way o f s e e i n g t h e " b i g p i c t u r e " — a s well a s h e r t e n d e n c y t o ign o r e civilization's m o s t s i g n i f i c a n t i n s t r u m e n t , t h e c l o c k . S h e was e q u a l l y h a r s h a b o u t m y m a d d e n i n g p u n c t u a l i t y , m y s t o d g i ness, a n d my insistence on speaking in p a r a g r a p h s that b e g a n "First of all . . ." " S e c o n d . . ." " T h i r d . . . ," a n d " I n c o n c l u s i o n . . . ." Lily b e l i e v e d h e r s was t h e s u p e r i o r a p p r o a c h , a n d I u p h e l d t h e e x c e l l e n c e o f m i n e . Lily b o r e t h e c h i e f r e s p o n s i b i l ity f o r r a i s i n g o u r c h i l d r e n . I d o n o t m e a n t o i m p l y I h a d n o t h i n g w h a t s o e v e r t o d o w i t h t h e m , b u t I c a n n o t p r e t e n d t h a t I was a n i d e a l l y a t t e n t i v e p a r e n t . I was p a r t i c u l a r l y i n a d e q u a t e w h e n i t c a m e t o p l a y i n g w i t h t h e m . H a v e y o u e v e r t r i e d t o p l a y well w i t h c h i l d r e n o n s c h e d u l e ? O r w h e n y o u g e t off s c h e d u l e a n d all y o u c a n t h i n k a b o u t i s t h e u n f i n i s h e d c h a p t e r y o u h a v e t o write? Lily, h o w e v e r , p l a y e d w i t h o u r c h i l d r e n w i t h a n u n e n d i n g g r a c e . S h e also c o n t r i b u t e d t o m y b o o k s . I n d e e d , a s I w r o t e i n t h e i n t r o d u c t i o n to The Road Less Traveled, " s h e h a s b e e n so givi n g t h a t it is h a r d l y p o s s i b l e to d i s t i n g u i s h h e r w i s d o m . . . f r o m m y o w n . " B u t s h e c o u l d n o t h a v e o r g a n i z e d h e r t i m e well e n o u g h to write ( a n d rewrite) sentences, p a r a g r a p h s , a n d chapt e r s w e e k a f t e r w e e k , m o n t h after m o n t h .

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Slowly, t h e r e f o r e , Lily a n d I a g r e e d t o a c c e p t w h a t o n c e l o o k e d like vices as v i r t u e s , c u r s e s as b l e s s i n g s , liabilities as assets. Lily h a s t h e gift of flowing; I h a v e t h e gift of o r g a n i z a t i o n . O v e r t h e years I have l e a r n e d a bit a b o u t h o w to go with t h e f l o w a n d t o b e m o r e p a t i e n t a n d attentive i n dealing with o u r c h i l d r e n a n d o t h e r s . L i k e w i s e , Lily r e a l i z e d t h a t a l t h o u g h s h e h a d m a d e improvements, she would never be completely organ i z e d . B u t w e h a v e c o m e t o a p p r e c i a t e e a c h o t h e r ' s v e r y differe n t styles a s gifts a n d h a v e slowly b e g u n t o i n c o r p o r a t e t h e o t h e r ' s gift i n t o o u r s e l v e s . A s a c o n s e q u e n c e , s h e a n d I a r e g r a d ually b e c o m i n g m o r e w h o l e a s i n d i v i d u a l s . B u t this w o u l d n o t h a v e b e e n p o s s i b l e h a d w e n o t first c o m e t o t e r m s w i t h o u r individual limitations a n d recognized the value of o u r interdependence. T h e only p r o b l e m with t h e w o r d " i n t e r d e p e n d e n c e " i s t h a t to s o m e it may suggest "codependency." A fashionable w o r d this past d e c a d e , " c o d e p e n d e n c y " refers to a relationship in which the partners cater to—and thereby encourage—each o t h e r ' s weaknesses. Often it is p r o p e r l y d e c r i e d . B u t I believe w e n e e d t o b e c a u t i o u s a b o u t this, b e c a u s e a v e r y r e a l p a r t o f the learning of marriage is learning how to work a r o u n d each o t h e r ' s l i m i t a t i o n s . W h e n i t i s p r o p e r t o w o r k a r o u n d s u c h limi t a t i o n s , a n d w h e n t o criticize o r t o c o n f r o n t t h e m , i s a d e c i s i o n that can be m a d e , again, only out of the agonizing "emptiness of not knowing." W h i l e I d o n o t wish t o d i s c a r d t h e w o r d " i n t e r d e p e n dence," it may be helpful to think in terms of a n o t h e r word, " c o l l a b o r a t i o n " : l a b o r i n g t o g e t h e r . I n o u r w o r k w i t h l a r g e r org a n i z a t i o n s , Lily a n d I h a v e r e a l i z e d t h a t s u c h o r g a n i z a t i o n s often have a lot to learn a b o u t collaboration. But as we look at t h e organization of o u r marriage, we have c o n c l u d e d that we have a c t u a l l y d o n e a p r e t t y g o o d j o b a t l a b o r i n g t o g e t h e r . W h e n coll a b o r a t i o n i s p o o r i n a n o r g a n i z a t i o n , t h e system c a n l o o k q u i t e ugly. B u t w h e n t h e c o l l a b o r a t i o n i s g o o d , n o t o n l y i s t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n efficient, b u t its s y s t e m c a n b e s o b e a u t i f u l t o b e h o l d t h a t it a p p r o a c h e s a k i n d of mystical glory.

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ACCOUNTABILITY A N D STRUCTURE

I n t e r d e p e n d e n c e d o e s n o t necessarily m e a n that t h e collabor a t i n g i n d i v i d u a l s h a v e d i f f e r e n t r o l e s . Usually, h o w e v e r , i t d o e s ; a n d , a s d e s c r i b e d , Lily a n d I h a v e h a d v e r y d i f f e r e n t r o l e s i n t h e thirty-seven-year-old o r g a n i z a t i o n o f o u r m a r r i a g e . A n d w h e n e v e r t h e r e a r e d i f f e r e n t r o l e s i n a n o r g a n i z a t i o n , two i m p o r t a n t f a c t o r s i m m e d i a t e l y c o m e i n t o play: a c c o u n t a b i l i t y a n d s t r u c ture. I a m a b l e t o d e p e n d u p o n Lily f o r m o s t o f t h e h o m e m a k i n g b e c a u s e s h e n o t o n l y d o e s i t b u t d o e s i t well. A n d s h e c a n d e p e n d u p o n m e for t h e m o n e y m a k i n g for t h e s a m e r e a s o n . W e p l a y t h e s e r o l e s well b e c a u s e w e c o n s i d e r o u r s e l v e s r e s p o n sible f o r d o i n g s o . I n o t h e r w o r d s , w e h o l d o u r s e l v e s a n d e a c h o t h e r a c c o u n t a b l e . On t h e negative side, accountability implies t h a t s o m e o n e i s s u b j e c t t o b e i n g j u d g e d . O n t h e positive s i d e , i t i m p l i e s t h a t t h e a c c o u n t a b l e p e r s o n i s t r u s t e d . W e r e Lily t o significantly fail a t h e r h o m e m a k i n g r o l e — w e r e s h e n o l o n g e r acc o u n t a b l e — I c o u l d n o l o n g e r t r u s t h e r t o fulfill t h a t r o l e a n d w o u l d h a v e t o s t e p i n t o t a k e over. S u c h a t a k e o v e r w o u l d b e n a t u r a l a n d s i m p l e i f h e r loss o f a c c o u n t a b i l i t y was d u e t o a t e m p o r a r y p h y s i c a l illness. F o r i n s t a n c e , w h e n s h e h a d a b r e a s t a b scess f o l l o w i n g t h e b i r t h o f o u r t h i r d c h i l d , i t was t h e m o s t natural t h i n g in the world for me to take over the care of that i n f a n t a n d o u r two o t h e r y o u n g c h i l d r e n . H a d t h a t n o t b e e n a t e m p o r a r y c o n d i t i o n , however, it w o u l d have m e a n t a major restructuring of our marriage. So differing roles a n d accountabilities imply structure. W i t h i n a s m a l l ( b u t n o t n e c e s s a r i l y a t all s i m p l e ) o r g a n i z a t i o n like m a r r i a g e , r o l e s a n d s t r u c t u r e m a y b e relatively i n f o r m a l . But the larger a n d m o r e complex an organization becomes, the m o r e it is essential that the accountability structure be formalized. W r i t t e n j o b d e s c r i p t i o n s (or, a s t h e y a r e n o w s o m e t i m e s called, responsibility profiles) a r e n o w r e q u i r e d , a n d we have entered the realm of formal organizations. Virtually every business school has a m a n d a t o r y c o u r s e en-

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t i t l e d s o m e t h i n g like " O r g a n i z a t i o n a l T h e o r y . " A n d a s t a n d a r d a n d e n o r m o u s l y t h i c k t e x t b o o k w i t h t h e s a m e title will lay o u t t h e full r a n g e o f p o s s i b l e o r g a n i z a t i o n a l s t r u c t u r e s f o r t h e b u s i n e s s e x e c u t i v e t o c h o o s e f r o m . W h i l e this r a n g e c a n b e vast a n d c o m p l i c a t e d , t h e subject is actually almost outrageously simple. It has but o n e underlying principle, which is "contingency theory." C o n t i n g e n c y t h e o r y ( w h i c h , like s y s t e m s t h e o r y , is n o t a t h e o r y b u t a fact) s i m p l y s t a t e s t h a t t h e r e i s n o o n e b e s t t y p e o f o r g a n i z a t i o n . T h e best s t r u c t u r e for a p a r t i c u l a r o r g a n i z a t i o n or e n d e a v o r is contingent upon t h e p u r p o s e of t h e c o l l e c t i v e , coll a b o r a t i v e e n d e a v o r , a s well a s o t h e r f a c t o r s . A m o n g t h e s e o t h e r f a c t o r s i s t h e n a t u r e o f t h e p e o p l e involved. A think-tank organization is n o t g o i n g to draw t h e s a m e kind of p e o p l e as a m o r e traditional manufacturing company. Marketing departments are not going to draw the same kind of p e o p l e a s sales d e p a r t m e n t s . N o w h e r e c o u l d t h i s b e m o r e evid e n t t h a n in t h e organization of m a r r i a g e . In a c c o r d a n c e with c o n t i n g e n c y theory, t h e r e is no o n e best organization of a marr i a g e . A l t h o u g h Lily's a n d m y m a r r i a g e h a s b e e n o r g a n i z e d a c c o r d i n g to what s e e m to be stereotypical roles, that organization, as I have suggested, is actually t h e p r o d u c t of o u r very different p e r s o n a l i t i e s a n d c a l l i n g s a n d i s n o t i n a n y way s o m e t h i n g t h a t we hold forth as a correct model. Goodness c a n n o t be stereot y p e d . I c o u l d offer y o u s t e r e o t y p i c a l f o r m u l a s f o r b a d m a r r i a g e s ; I c a n n o t offer a n o r g a n i z a t i o n a l f o r m u l a f o r a g o o d m a r r i a g e . E a c h s i t u a t i o n i s d i f f e r e n t b e c a u s e o f t h e v e r y differe n t p a r t n e r s involved. W h e n e v e r t h e r e i s a c c o u n t a b i l i t y s t r u c t u r e d i n t o a system, be it as s m a l l as a m a r r i a g e or as h u g e as a c o r p o r a t i o n , t h e r e is also a n a u t h o r i t y s t r u c t u r e . T h i s d o e s n ' t m e a n t h a t a u t h o r i t y c a n ' t b e s h a r e d . F o r i n s t a n c e , t h e m o n e y Lily a n d I save i s split equally b e t w e e n us. Any i m p o r t a n t decision a b o u t t h e c h i l d r e n a n d a b o u t m a j o r i n v e s t m e n t s o r e x p e n s e s w e h a v e always m a d e conjointly. N o n e t h e l e s s , a s i n d i v i d u a l s , w e e a c h h a v e l i m i t e d a u thority within o u r own domains. A corporation president on the b o a r d of directors of FCE h a s t a u g h t u s t h e t e r m " t h e a u t h o r i t y o f k n o w l e d g e . " Lily c a n

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fulfill h e r h o m e m a k i n g r o l e w i t h o u t a n y day-to-day o v e r s i g h t from me precisely because she has such authority. For e x a m p l e , a c o u p l e of w e e k s a g o , w h e n I was a b o u t to do a few local err a n d s , Lily a s k e d m e i f I w o u l d p i c k u p a b u n c h o f p a r s l e y a t t h e s t o r e . A l t h o u g h t h e o n l y p a r s l e y t h e r e was severely w i l t e d , I b o u g h t a b u n c h r a t h e r t h a n m a k e a forty-mile r o u n d t r i p t o p u r c h a s e s o m e t h a t was f r e s h . N o n e t h e l e s s , I p r e s e n t e d this w i l t e d stuff t o Lily w i t h s o m e c h a g r i n . S h e i m m e d i a t e l y said, " O h , t h a t ' s n o p r o b l e m ; y o u j u s t s o a k i t i n water." W i t h i n a day, t h a t p a r s l e y l o o k e d a s fresh a s w h e n i t was p i c k e d . Lily k n o w s t h e tricks o f h e r t r a d e . O u r m a r r i a g e i s i n n o way h i e r a r c h i c a l . A l t h o u g h t h e r e i s a system o f a c c o u n t a b i l i t y , n e i t h e r o f u s i s t h e o v e r a l l b o s s . B u t t h e r e i s n o way i n l a r g e r systems, s u c h a s b u s i n e s s e s , t h a t y o u can have a s t r u c t u r e of accountability w i t h o u t a c h a i n of c o m m a n d . W h a t t h a t c h a i n o f c o m m a n d will l o o k like c a n vary c o n siderably from business to business, c o n t i n g e n t u p o n t h e n a t u r e of t h e business, b u t s o m e w h e r e t h e b u c k has to stop. Because they have h a d u n p l e a s a n t e x p e r i e n c e s with hierarchical a u t h o r i t y systems, m a n y p e o p l e t e n d t o d i s t r u s t all s t r u c t u r e . T h e y n e e d t o g u a r d a g a i n s t this t e n d e n c y . T h e r e c a n b e h i g h l y d y s f u n c t i o n a l s t r u c t u r e s , b u t s t r u c t u r e i s b y n o m e a n s all b a d . Most of it is g o o d . I n d e e d , over t h e years I have c o m e to learn t h a t n o t only c h i l d r e n b u t adults very m u c h n e e d s t r u c t u r e . E m p l o y e e s o f t e n suffer g r i e v o u s l y f r o m a l a c k o f s t r u c t u r e . I first r e a l i z e d t h i s w h e n , at t h e a g e of t h i r t y - o n e , I was a s s i g n e d to be the director of psychiatry at t h e U.S. Army Medical Cent e r o n O k i n a w a . I n this p o s i t i o n I was t o m a n a g e a d e p a r t m e n t o f a p p r o x i m a t e l y forty p e o p l e . U n t i l t h a t t i m e I h a d n e v e r m a n a g e d a n y b o d y . N o r h a d I e v e r r e c e i v e d a n y t h i n g faintly r e s e m b l i n g m a n a g e m e n t t r a i n i n g . Yet f r o m t h e m o m e n t I t o o k o v e r t h e d e p a r t m e n t , I was p e r f e c t l y c l e a r i n m y o w n m i n d a b o u t w h a t m y m a n a g e m e n t style w o u l d b e . I was g o i n g t o b e j u s t a s different from every a u t h o r i t a r i a n boss w h o h a d ever b e e n in c h a r g e of me as I c o u l d possibly b e . I h a d n o i d e a h o w t o d e f i n e c o n s e n s u s , b u t I was g o i n g t o strive f o r it. C e r t a i n l y m y m o d e l was a h i g h l y c o n s u l t a t i v e o n e .

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Not only did I never m a k e an administrative decision without c o n s u l t i n g e v e r y o n e i n v o l v e d , I d i d m y very b e s t t o s e e t h a t , within the constraints of professional c o m p e t e n c e , the p e o p l e u n d e r m e m a d e their own decisions w h e n e v e r possible a b o u t t h e m a t t e r s t h a t a f f e c t e d t h e i r o w n lives. B e c a u s e o u r s was a m e d i c a l , " p r o f e s s i o n a l , " d e p a r t m e n t , I felt w e c o u l d i g n o r e t h e m a t t e r of rank. I d i s c o u r a g e d t h e m from a d d r e s s i n g me as Maj o r P e c k . S o o n e v e r y o n e was c a l l i n g m e Scotty. I was Mr. N i c e Guy. A n d i t w o r k e d . T h e m o o d was e u p h o r i c . E v e r y b o d y s p o k e g l o w i n g l y a b o u t w h a t a g o o d l e a d e r I was a n d h o w r e l i e v e d t h e y were to be free of that stupid old l i e u t e n a n t colonel, their previous c o m m a n d e r . T h e work ran smoothly. T h e d e p a r t m e n t m o r a l e was s u p e r b . A f t e r j u s t a b o u t six m o n t h s , h o w e v e r , t h i n g s b e g a n t o g o s o u r . T h e c h a n g e was a l m o s t i m p e r c e p t i b l e a t f i r s t . T h e e u p h o r i a was g o n e . T h e m e n s t o p p e d t a l k i n g a b o u t w h a t a g r e a t p l a c e it was to w o r k . "All r i g h t , " I t o l d myself, " t h e h o n e y m o o n ' s over. W h a t else c o u l d y o u e x p e c t ? N o w it's w o r k a s u s u a l , b u t n o t h ing's wrong." But by the n i n e - m o n t h m a r k things b e g a n to get worse. While the work went on, petty bickering started. I wond e r e d w h e t h e r t h e r e m i g h t be a p r o b l e m , b u t I c o u l d see n o t h i n g t o a c c o u n t f o r it. C e r t a i n l y i t h a d n o t h i n g t o d o w i t h m e , for h a d n ' t I s h o w n myself to be a b o r n leader? By t h e year m a r k , h o w e v e r , i t was c l e a r t h e r e was a p r o b l e m . T h e b i c k e r i n g h a d esc a l a t e d a n d w o r k was b e g i n n i n g t o suffer. L i t t l e t h i n g s w e r e b e i n g left u n d o n e . A t this p o i n t fate s e e m e d t o c o m e t o m y r e s c u e . A m a j o r n e w o u t p a t i e n t m e d i c a l c o m p l e x was i n t h e f i n a l s t a g e s o f c o n struction, a n d t h e hospital c o m m a n d e r told m e t h a t t h e clinic, the largest part of o u r d e p a r t m e n t , would move there. O u r curr e n t offices w e r e c r a m p e d , c o l d , a n d g l o o m y . T h e n e w o n e s w o u l d b e m o d e r n a n d airy, w i t h views o v e r t h e Pacific a n d wallto-wall c a r p e t i n g . S u r e l y t h e m o r a l e w o u l d i m p r o v e a t t h e p r o s p e c t of such a pleasant m o v e . It didn't. It got worse. As m o v i n g day a p p r o a c h e d t h e ent i r e staff g r e w e v e r m o r e i r r i t a b l e . T h e y b e g a n t o s q u a b b l e w i t h e a c h o t h e r a b o u t w h o w o u l d g e t w h i c h office i n t h e n e w b u i l d -

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i n g . T h e p a c k i n g o f f i l e s fell way b e h i n d s c h e d u l e . I t was n o w finally o b v i o u s t h a t i t was m y r e s p o n s i b i l i t y t o d o s o m e t h i n g . B u t w h a t ? I a n n o u n c e d t o t h e staff t h a t w e w e r e g o i n g t o m e e t o v e r i n t h e n e w c o n f e r e n c e r o o m for t h e entirety o f t h e n e x t m o r n i n g . A n d t h a t w e w o u l d c o n t i n u e t o m e e t i n t h a t way e v e r y morning—even though it meant working in the evenings—until w e g o t t o t h e b o t t o m o f t h e p r o b l e m . T h e two four-hour m e e t i n g s we h a d were t h e stormiest I have ever attended. Everyone took potshots at me a n d at each o t h e r . E v e r y o n e was a n g r y . E v e r y o n e h a d s o m e t h i n g t o c o m p l a i n a b o u t . Yet all t h e c o m p l a i n t s w e r e picky, s u p e r f i c i a l , a n d s e e m i n g l y u n r e a s o n a b l e . I t was u n r e l i e v e d c h a o s . B u t t o w a r d the e n d of the second m o r n i n g , o n e of the young enlisted m e n said, "I feel I d o n ' t k n o w w h e r e I s t a n d . " I a s k e d h i m if he w o u l d elaborate. He couldn't. He b e c a m e inarticulate a n d the g r o u p c o n t i n u e d w i t h its r a n d o m conflict. B u t t h e y o u n g m a n ' s w o r d s reverberated t h r o u g h my mind. Earlier that m o r n i n g s o m e o n e else h a d said, " E v e r y t h i n g ' s v a g u e a r o u n d h e r e . " A n d t h e d a y b e f o r e , a n o t h e r y o u n g m a n h a d v o i c e d t h e c o m p l a i n t : "It's like w e ' r e a t sea." I t o l d t h e g r o u p I n e e d e d t i m e t o t h i n k , t h a t t h e y should get back to work, a n d that we would n o t have any m o r e of these m e e t i n g s for t h e foreseeable future. W e r e t u r n e d t o t h e o l d b u i l d i n g a n d I sat i n m y office, stari n g a t t h e c e i l i n g , m y l u n c h o n t h e d e s k b e s i d e m e , u n e a t e n . Was it possible t h e d e p a r t m e n t n e e d e d m o r e structure t h a n I h a d provided? W h a t kind of structure? A clearer sense of rank? W h a t d i d t h e y w a n t m e t o d o — b o s s t h e m a r o u n d like a b u n c h o f child r e n ? T h a t was totally a g a i n s t m y n a t u r e . B u t t h e n m o s t o f t h e m were r a t h e r y o u n g , after all. C o u l d i t b e t h a t t h e y w a n t e d m e t o b e s o m e k i n d o f f a t h e r f i g u r e ? Yet i f I s t a r t e d o r d e r i n g t h e m a r o u n d like a n a u t o c r a t , w o u l d n ' t t h e y h a t e m e ? I w a n t e d t o b e Mr. N i c e Guy. But, c o m e t o t h i n k o f it, i t was n o t m y j o b t o b e p o p u l a r ; i t was m y j o b t o r u n t h e b e s t p o s s i b l e d e p a r t m e n t I c o u l d . M a y b e they n e e d e d a stronger kind of leadership from m e . I c a l l e d t h e n o n c o m m i s s i o n e d officer i n c h a r g e o f t h e d e p a r t m e n t a n d asked h i m t o b r i n g m e the plans for the new building as soon as possible. W h e n he r e t u r n e d , we u n r o l l e d

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t h e floor p l a n for t h e psychiatry o u t p a t i e n t clinic on my desk. I p o i n t e d t o t h e l a r g e r c o r n e r office. " T h a t will b e m i n e , " I a n n o u n c e d . T h e n , p a u s i n g j u s t l o n g e n o u g h for h i m t o n o t e each assignment, I proceeded along the blueprint through the s m a l l e r offices: "We'll p u t C a p t a i n A m e s h e r e , y o u h e r e , Sergeant Ryan there, L i e u t e n a n t H o b s o n h e r e , Private C o o p e r m a n t h e r e , C a p t a i n M a r s h a l l h e r e , S e r g e a n t M o s e l y h e r e , Private Enowitch there," a n d so on d o w n t h e m a p . "Now please go i n f o r m e a c h o f t h e m o f t h e office I've a s s i g n e d h i m t o . " Y o u c o u l d p r a c t i c a l l y h e a r t h e h o w l s o f d i s m a y all a c r o s s the island. But by evening m o r a l e h a d b e g u n to improve, a n d t h e n e x t d a y I w a t c h e d i t e s c a l a t e . B y t h e e n d o f t h e w e e k , i t was b a c k t o w h e r e i t h a d b e e n a t its b e s t . T h e y still c a l l e d m e Scotty, a n d m y o v e r a l l style o f l e a d e r s h i p c o n t i n u e d t o b e r e l a t i v e l y — although no longer rigidly—nonauthoritarian. But morale s t a y e d h i g h f o r t h e r e m a i n i n g y e a r o f m y duty. Y o u c o u l d t h i n k of this as a s u c c e s s story. I d i d e v e n t u a l l y a c k n o w l e d g e t h a t t h e r e was a p r o b l e m a n d t h a t i t was m y r e sponsibility. I f i n a l l y t o o k t h e c o r r e c t s t e p s t o d i a g n o s e i t a n d was a b l e t o r e a d j u s t m y b e h a v i o r t o m e e t t h e n e e d s o f t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n . I n d e e d , i t was a d r a m a t i c e x a m p l e o f h o w a s y s t e m c a n b e successfully c h a n g e d b y a s i m p l e i n t e r v e n t i o n . H o w e v e r , i t c a n a l s o b e r e g a r d e d a s a s t o r y o f f a i l u r e . F o r t h e fact o f t h e m a t ter is that the d e p a r t m e n t — t h e organization a n d t h e individuals w i t h i n it—suffered f o r o v e r six m o n t h s o n a c c o u n t o f m y p o o r l e a d e r s h i p . I t was i n d e l i b l y c l e a r t h a t w e h a d a s i g n i f i c a n t m o r a l e p r o b l e m a t l e a s t six m o n t h s b e f o r e I t o o k c o r r e c t i v e a c tion. W h y d i d I take so long? O n e r e a s o n was m y s e l f - e s t e e m . I s i m p l y d i d n o t w a n t t o b e lieve t h a t t h e r e was a n y t h i n g w r o n g w i t h m e o r t h a t m y l e a d e r s h i p was a n y t h i n g o t h e r t h a n p e r f e c t . F u e l i n g t h a t c o n c e i t , h o w e v e r , w e r e m y n e e d s : m y n e e d t o offer t h e d e p a r t m e n t a simplistically c o m p a s s i o n a t e , n o n a u t h o r i t a r i a n style o f s u p e r v i sion, a n d m y n e e d t o receive back t h e c o n s t a n t affection a n d gratitude of my subordinates. Until that final day I never even s t o p p e d t o ask w h e t h e r m y n e e d s m a t c h e d those o f t h e organization. It almost r e q u i r e d a revelation for me to realize t h a t it

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was n o t n e c e s s a r i l y m y j o b — m y r o l e i n t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n — t o b e popular. I t also n e v e r o c c u r r e d t o m e t h a t t h e r e was a n y t h i n g o t h e r t h a n o n e b e s t way t o r u n a n y o r g a n i z a t i o n . I h a d n e v e r h e a r d o f c o n t i n g e n c y t h e o r y b a c k t h e n . M y g r o u p c o n s c i o u s n e s s was s o l i m i t e d t h a t I gave n o t h o u g h t t o h o w r e m a r k a b l y y o u n g t h e m e m b e r s of the d e p a r t m e n t were, a n d hence no thought to the possibility t h a t t h e d e p a r t m e n t m i g h t r e q u i r e a d i f f e r e n t style of leadership than an organization whose personnel were m o r e m a t u r e . W e h a d all s u f f e r e d n e e d l e s s l y f o r m o n t h s b e c a u s e o f a lack o f s t r u c t u r e . A l t h o u g h p e o p l e o f t e n d o n ' t r e a l i z e it, s t r u c t u r e s c a n b e flexible. A significant p a r t of t h e w o r k at FCE is to t e a c h organizations, b o t h large a n d small, h o w to " o p e r a t e in community." W h e n o p e r a t i n g in c o m m u n i t y , t h e g r o u p d o e s n o t have a rigid authority structure; authority a n d leadership are shared, as they m u s t b e t o m a x i m i z e c o m m u n i c a t i o n . B u t w e c o u l d n o t d o this work if it m e a n t that organizations h a d to a b a n d o n their hierarchical authority structure altogether. We can do it only because it is possible for an o r g a n i z a t i o n to o p e r a t e in a h i e r a r c h i c a l m o d e m o s t o f t h e t i m e , d e a l i n g w i t h its day-to-day o p e r a t i o n s , b u t t o switch t o a c o m m u n i t y m o d e i n r e s p o n s e t o c e r t a i n issues a n d p r o b l e m s ( s u c h a s t h o s e o f diversity a n d morale) a n d whenever g r o u p decision m a k i n g is required. As I n o t e d in The Road Less Traveled, o n e c h a r a c t e r i s t i c of i n d i v i d u a l m e n t a l h e a l t h i s w h a t I call flexible r e s p o n s e systems. T h e s e a r e also a c h a r a c t e r i s t i c o f o r g a n i z a t i o n a l h e a l t h . A n org a n i z a t i o n t h a t h a s two m o d e s o f o p e r a t i n g a t its c o m m a n d a n d can use o n e or the other, c o n t i n g e n t u p o n the circumstances, is obviously g o i n g t o b e h e a l t h i e r t h a n a n o r g a n i z a t i o n t h a t c a n f u n c t i o n o n l y in a s i n g l e way.

BOUNDARIES A N D VULNERABILITY

W h e r e v e r a structure of accountability a n d differing roles has b e e n e s t a b l i s h e d , t h e r e y o u will find b o u n d a r i e s . S u c h b o u n d -

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aries a r e a two-edged sword. On t h e o n e h a n d , they a r e essential. I f p e r s o n n e l i n t h e sales d e p a r t m e n t felt totally f r e e t o m a r c h i n t o t h e m a r k e t i n g d e p a r t m e n t a n d tell i t h o w t o m a r k e t the product, the result would be chaos. On the o t h e r h a n d , if t h e b o u n d a r i e s o f t h e s e two d i f f e r e n t d e p a r t m e n t s a r e s o r i g i d that there can be no communication between them, immobil i z a t i o n a n d i n e f f i c i e n t c o m p e t i t i v e n e s s will b e t h e r e s u l t . O n e reason FCE is b r o u g h t into corporations to build c o m m u n i t y is i n o r d e r t o soften d e p a r t m e n t a l b o u n d a r i e s that have b e c o m e so rigid that they p r e v e n t i m p o r t a n t c o m m u n i c a t i o n a n d functional i n t e r d e p e n d e n c e . T h e choices of a major business executive a b o u t how to d e a l w i t h s u c h b o u n d a r y issues a r e c h o i c e s relatively few h a v e t o e x e r c i s e . B u t e v e r y h u m a n b e i n g h a s t o d e a l w i t h b o u n d a r y issues within t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n o f his o r h e r m a r r i a g e , n u c l e a r family, e x t e n d e d family, n e t w o r k o f f r i e n d s h i p , a n d e m p l o y m e n t . Each of us as individuals m u s t m a k e choices day in a n d day o u t in defining o u r b o u n d a r i e s within the framework of any organization. P e r h a p s t h e e a s i e s t o f s u c h c h o i c e s involve t h e d e g r e e t o which you are going to respect other people's boundaries. W h a t m a k e s t h e s e d e c i s i o n s e a s i e r i s t h a t y o u will e v e n t u a l l y b e p u n i s h e d , o n e way o r a n o t h e r , for failing t o p e r c e i v e s u c h b o u n d a r i e s a n d a c t a c c o r d i n g l y . T h e s e b o u n d a r i e s will vary from individual to individual a n d culture to culture. Psychologists, f o r i n s t a n c e , h a v e d i s c e r n e d t h a t t h e r e is a specific dist a n c e a t w h i c h m o s t p e o p l e i n a g i v e n c u l t u r e feel c o m f o r t a b l e c o m m u n i c a t i n g w i t h t h e i r fellows. I n t h e U n i t e d S t a t e s , t h a t dist a n c e i s relatively l a r g e , a n d s e l d o m d o w e talk w i t h a n e w a c q u a i n t a n c e u n l e s s o u r faces a r e a g o o d t h r e e f e e t d i s t a n t f r o m each other. In India, on the o t h e r h a n d , the n o r m may be m o r e like o n e f o o t . T h e r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n this c o n c e p t o f a c t u a l p h y s i c a l s p a c e a n d b o u n d a r i e s i s r e c o g n i z e d i n o u r c u r r e n t psyc h o l o g i c a l l i n g o b y t h e e x p r e s s i o n " t o give e a c h o t h e r s p a c e . " Such space, of course, is m u c h m o r e complex than m e r e f o o t a g e . A d o z e n y e a r s a g o , f o r e x a m p l e , Lily was r i d i n g t h e

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S t a t e n I s l a n d F e r r y w i t h h e r m o t h e r , w h o was i n t h e e a r l y stages o f senility a t t h e t i m e . W h i l e t h e y w e r e s i t t i n g o n t h e ferry, h e r m o t h e r s p i e d a g r a y h a i r i n Lily's f i n e b l a c k c r o w n , a n d w i t h o u t p e r m i s s i o n t o d o so, s u d d e n l y r e a c h e d o v e r a n d y a n k e d t h a t h a i r o u t . Lily n a t u r a l l y felt v i o l a t e d . T h i s was n o t , o f c o u r s e , t h e s a m e level o f v i o l a t i o n a s r a p e o r r o b b e r y o r m u r d e r , b u t t h e e p i s o d e m a k e s t h e p o i n t t h a t i n lesser ways w e v i o l a t e o t h e r p e o p l e ' s b o u n d a r i e s all t h e t i m e a n d c a u s e t h e i r r e s e n t m e n t w h e n ever we do so. Nonetheless, b o u n d a r i e s m u s t be violated at certain times. Perhaps the most agonizing decisions we ever have to m a k e c o n c e r n w h e n t o i n t e r v e n e i n t h e affairs o f o u r c h i l d r e n , o u r friends, a n d , as we get older, o u r parents. H o w do you k n o w w h e n t o i n t e r v e n e i n t h e life o f a n a d o l e s c e n t o r y o u n g a d u l t c h i l d , a n d w h e n t o t r u s t t h e way t h a t s h e i s flowing? O r w h e n t o confront a friend w h o seems to have taken the wrong path? Or w h e n t o s t e p i n t o insist t h a t e l d e r l y p a r e n t s g e t t h e c a r e t h e y o b v i o u s l y n e e d a n d j u s t a s obviously d o n ' t w a n t ? You d o n ' t . T h e r e i s n o f o r m u l a . All s u c h d e c i s i o n s m u s t b e m a d e o u t o f t h e "agony of n o t knowing." We are confronted, o n c e again, with t h e p a r a d o x e s o f life a n d t h e fact t h a t w e a r e a l m o s t a t o n e a n d the same time called to respect the b o u n d a r i e s of others and, u p o n o c c a s i o n , t o i n t e r f e r e i n t h e i r lives n o m a t t e r h o w m u c h t h e y m i g h t h a t e u s f o r it. In my e x p e r i e n c e , however, a greater p r o b l e m t h a n that of learning an awareness of others' boundaries, a n d when a n d how to respect them, is the p r o b l e m of choosing a n d setting o u r o w n b o u n d a r i e s . W h e n I w a s still i n t h e p r a c t i c e o f psyc h o t h e r a p y , i t s e e m e d t o m e t h a t a t least h a l f m y p a t i e n t s h a d w h a t I c a m e t o call d r a w b r i d g e p r o b l e m s . S o o n e r o r l a t e r I w o u l d say to t h e m , "All of us live in a castle. A r o u n d t h e castle, t h e r e is a m o a t , a n d over t h e m o a t t h e r e is a d r a w b r i d g e which w e c a n l o w e r o p e n o r r a i s e s h u t , d e p e n d i n g u p o n o u r will." T h e p r o b l e m was t h a t m y p a t i e n t s ' d r a w b r i d g e s d i d n o t w o r k v e r y well. E i t h e r t h e y w e r e l a i d o p e n all t h e t i m e , s o t h a t virtually anyone a n d everyone could amble into their personal space,

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p r o w l a r o u n d , stay a s l o n g a s t h e y l i k e d , a n d d o w h a t e v e r h a r m t h e y w o u l d — o r else t h e i r d r a w b r i d g e s w e r e r a i s e d s h u t a n d s t u c k s o t h a t n o b o d y a n d n o t h i n g c o u l d p e n e t r a t e t h e i r isol a t e d s o l i t u d e . N e i t h e r c a s e was b e n i g n . T h e s e p a t i e n t s l a c k e d f r e e d o m a n d t h e flexible r e s p o n s e systems t h a t a r e s u c h a d r a m a t i c c h a r a c t e r i s t i c o f m e n t a l h e a l t h . F o r i n s t a n c e , in The Road Less Traveled, I d i s c u s s e d a w o m a n w h o w o u l d s l e e p w i t h every m a n s h e d a t e d , w h i c h left h e r f e e l i n g s o d e g r a d e d t h a t s h e w o u l d t h e n c e a s e d a t i n g a l t o g e t h e r . I t was a veritable revelation for h e r t o l e a r n t h a t t h e r e a r e s o m e m e n you d o n ' t w a n t t o let i n t h r o u g h y o u r front door, s o m e you m i g h t w a n t t o l e t i n t h r o u g h y o u r f r o n t d o o r a n d i n t o y o u r living r o o m but not into your b e d r o o m , and some you might want t o let i n t o y o u r b e d r o o m . S h e h a d n e v e r c o n s i d e r e d that t h e r e m i g h t b e — m i g h t n e e d t o b e — a t l e a s t t h r e e d i f f e r e n t ways t o r e s p o n d to different m e n in any given situation. N o r h a d she perceived that she h a d the power to m a k e such discriminating choices, to draw a line to establish a n d p r o t e c t h e r b o u n d a r i e s . It is o u r choice w h e n to lower o u r drawbridges a n d w h e n t o r a i s e t h e m . B u t this c h o i c e l e a d s u s i n t o yet a n o t h e r c o m plexity. I f w e k e e p o u r d r a w b r i d g e s o p e n , p e o p l e o r issues m a y c o m e i n t o o u r lives a n d h u r t u s , n o t s o m u c h physically a s e m o tionally. T h e r e s p o n s e o f m a n y t o t h i s d i l e m m a i s t o k e e p t h e i r physical d r a w b r i d g e s s o m e w h a t o p e n , b u t t h e i r e m o t i o n a l d r a w b r i d g e s firmly c l o s e d . I t i s a s i f a n e x e c u t i v e h a d a n " o p e n d o o r " policy, b u t n o b o d y w h o c a m e i n t h r o u g h t h a t d o o r e v e r a f f e c t e d h i m . O n e o f o u r o n g o i n g p r o b l e m s i n life i s t o c o n stantly c h o o s e t h e d e g r e e t o w h i c h w e a r e g o i n g t o a l l o w o u r selves t o b e e m o t i o n a l l y a f f e c t e d b y issues a n d o t h e r p e o p l e . This is the d i l e m m a of vulnerability. T h e w o r d " v u l n e r a b i l i t y " m e a n s t h e ability t o b e w o u n d e d . In choosing how vulnerable we are going to be as h u m a n beings, it is essential t h a t we m a k e t h e distinction b e t w e e n w o u n d ing as in being hurt and wounding as in being damaged. To help m a k e that distinction in my lectures, on occasion I used to ask i f t h e r e was a n y o n e i n t h e a u d i e n c e w h o was w i l l i n g t o vol-

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u n t e e r for a n u n k n o w n b u t painful e x p e r i m e n t . Fortunately, s o m e b r a v e s o u l always was. I w o u l d a s k t h e v o l u n t e e r t o c o m e u p o n stage a n d I w o u l d p i n c h his o r h e r u p p e r a r m q u i t e sharply. T h e n I w o u l d s t a n d b a c k a n d ask, " D i d t h a t h u r t y o u ? " T h e volu n t e e r w o u l d r e p l y v i g o r o u s l y t h a t i t d i d . T h e n I w o u l d ask, "Did it d a m a g e you?" T h e volunteer would usually—and sometimes reluctantly—acknowledge that while she or he h a d experienced pain, no p e r m a n e n t d a m a g e h a d been sustained as a result. U n d e r a l m o s t all c i r c u m s t a n c e s , i t w o u l d b e p l a i n s t u p i d t o walk i n t o a s i t u a t i o n w h e r e y o u a r e likely t o b e p e r m a n e n t l y d a m a g e d . B u t i t m i g h t b e very s m a r t t o o p e n y o u r s e l f u p — w i t h i n limi t s — t o s i t u a t i o n s i n w h i c h y o u w o u l d b e likely t o e x p e r i e n c e s o m e e m o t i o n a l p a i n , s u c h as in t a k i n g a risk to e n t e r a r e l a t i o n ship that has the potential to lead to c o m m i t m e n t . Again it is n e c e s s a r y t o d i s t i n g u i s h b e t w e e n t h e p a t h o f s m a r t selfishness a n d t h e p a t h o f s t u p i d selfishness. S t u p i d selfishness, y o u will r e m e m b e r , is t r y i n g to avoid all e m o t i o n a l , e x i s t e n t i a l suffering, w h e r e a s s m a r t selfishness i s d i s t i n g u i s h i n g b e t w e e n suffering t h a t i s n e u r o t i c , u n n e c e s s a r y , a n d u n p r o d u c t i v e , a n d suffering t h a t i s i n h e r e n t i n life a n d p r o d u c t i v e o f l e a r n i n g . So it is necessary for o u r own e m o t i o n a l health a n d learning t h a t we retain the capacity to choose to be o p e n to b e i n g a v u l n e r a b l e p e r s o n . It is also necessary for m e a n i n g f u l c o m m u n i c a t i o n a n d o r g a n i z a t i o n a l b e h a v i o r . As I w r o t e in What Return Can I Make? W h a t h a p p e n s w h e n o n e p e r s o n t a k e s t h e risk t o say t o another: I'm confused, I'm not sure where I am going; I ' m f e e l i n g lost a n d l o n e l y ; I ' m t i r e d a n d f r i g h t e n e d . Will y o u h e l p m e ? T h e effect o f s u c h v u l n e r a b i l i t y i s alm o s t invariably disarming. "I'm lonely a n d tired too," o t h e r s a r e likely t o say a n d o p e n t h e i r a r m s t o u s . B u t w h a t h a p p e n s i f w e try t o m a i n t a i n a " m a c h o " image of having it altogether, of being the top dog, w h e n we gird ourselves a b o u t with o u r psychological

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defenses? W e b e c o m e u n a p p r o a c h a b l e , a n d o u r neighbors guard themselves in their defenses, a n d o u r h u m a n relationships b e c o m e no m o r e meaningful or p r o d u c t i v e t h a n two e m p t y t a n k s b u m p i n g a g a i n s t each other in the night. I a m n o t a d v i s i n g a n y o n e t o b e totally v u l n e r a b l e , n o r t o b e v u l n e r a b l e a t all t i m e s . N o n e t h e l e s s , i f y o u c h o o s e t o b e a h e a l i n g p r e s e n c e i n t h e w o r l d , i t will b e n e c e s s a r y t o c h o o s e t h r o u g h o u t y o u r life t o r e t a i n t h e c a p a c i t y t o b e w o u n d e d t o a t least s o m e d e g r e e . A justifiably f a m o u s b o o k by H e n r i N o u w e n is e n t i t l e d The Wounded Healer. T h e m e s s a g e of t h a t b o o k , as its title s u g g e s t s , i s t h a t i f w e a r e t o b e effective h e a l e r s w e m u s t all o w o u r s e l v e s , w i t h i n limits, t o b e c o n t i n u a l l y w o u n d e d , a n d that, indeed, it is only out of o u r w o u n d e d n e s s that we can heal or be healed. But again, t h e r e m u s t b e limits. A m a n b y t h e n a m e o f J o h n Kiley o n c e i n t r o d u c e d m e t o a Z e n B u d d h i s t - l i k e e x p r e s s i o n : " t o w e e p w i t h o n e e y e . " W e e p i n g w i t h o n e eye d o e s n o t m e a n that t h e suffering of vulnerability s h o u l d be halfhearted b u t o n l y t h a t o n e s h o u l d g e n e r a l l y n o t b e d a m a g e d b y it. T h e e x pression points to t h e distinction b e t w e e n e m p a t h y a n d sympathy. E m p a t h y , t h e c a p a c i t y t o feel a n d t o s o m e d e g r e e t a k e o n a n o t h e r p e r s o n ' s p a i n , i s always a v i r t u e . S y m p a t h y , o n t h e o t h e r h a n d , i s m o r e like symbiosis, o r a t o t a l i d e n t i f i c a t i o n w i t h t h e o t h e r p e r s o n . I a m n o t s a y i n g t h a t all s y m p a t h y i s b a d , b u t i f y o u wallow i n a n o t h e r p e r s o n ' s d e p r e s s i o n t o s u c h a n e x t e n t t h a t y o u b e c o m e d e p r e s s e d yourself, y o u h a v e n o t o n l y t a k e n o n a n unnecessary b u r d e n b u t m a d e yourself unlikely to be able to help that person. T h i s d i s t i n c t i o n is, o f c o u r s e , e x t r e m e l y i m p o r t a n t f o r psychotherapists. T h e single greatest talent a psychotherapist can possess is t h e capacity to be simultaneously b o t h involved a n d d e t a c h e d . T h i s i s w h a t i s m e a n t b y w e e p i n g w i t h o n e eye. I t i s not, however, a talent to be d e v e l o p e d j u s t by psychotherapists; it is a capacity that m u s t be d e v e l o p e d by a n y o n e w h o desires to be a healing presence in the world.

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POWER In The Road Less Traveled, I d r e w t h e d i s t i n c t i o n b e t w e e n spirit u a l a n d p o l i t i c a l p o w e r . P o l i t i c a l p o w e r i s essentially t h e c a p a c ity t o f o r c e o r i n f l u e n c e o t h e r s t o d o w h a t y o u w a n t t h e m t o d o . It is a function of t h e s t r u c t u r e of organizations. Political p o w e r d o e s n o t actually reside within t h e p e r s o n himself b u t r a t h e r in the position he holds in a hierarchy or in the money he happens to have to create organizations to do what he wants to be d o n e . P o l i t i c a l p o w e r i s always " t e m p o r a l . " O n e m a y h a v e i t f o r a w h i l e , b u t e v e n t u a l l y it will always be w r e s t e d away, if n o t by r e p l a c e m e n t o r m a n d a t o r y r e t i r e m e n t , t h e n b y o l d a g e or, ultimately, d e a t h f r o m e i t h e r n a t u r a l c a u s e s o r a s s a s s i n a t i o n . S p i r i t u a l p o w e r , o n t h e o t h e r h a n d , h a s little t o d o w i t h organization or structure. It resides n o t in position or in m o n e y b u t in the person's being. It is the capacity to influence others, often by e x a m p l e , simply by virtue of the kind of p e r s o n that o n e is. T h o s e w h o a r e politically p o w e r f u l u s u a l l y d o n o t p o s sess m u c h i n t h e way o f s p i r i t u a l p o w e r . Conversely, t h e s p i r i t u ally p o w e r f u l a r e a s likely t o b e f o u n d a m o n g t h e p o o r a n d disenfranchised. I do n o t m e a n to imply that there can be no overlap between political a n d spiritual power. Executives are subject to t h e very s a m e t e m p t a t i o n s t h a t J e s u s c o n f r o n t e d i n t h e desert. U n l i k e J e s u s , t h e y a r e likely t o f l u n k t h e test. T h e y a r e reflections of L o r d Acton's famous maxim: "Power tends to c o r r u p t a n d a b s o l u t e p o w e r c o r r u p t s absolutely." A l t h o u g h t h a t i s u s u ally t r u e , i t h a s b e e n m y g o o d f o r t u n e t o k n o w a n u m b e r o f extremely powerful executives w h o were n o t corrupt; rather, they w e r e e x c e p t i o n a l l y self-reflective p e o p l e w i t h e x t r a o r d i n a r y insight a n d c o n c e r n for o t h e r s . A n d they suffered d e e p l y i n t h e i r w o r k . B y n e c e s s i t y t h e y w e p t w i t h o n e eye, b u t t h e y m a i n t a i n e d t h e i r capacity for vulnerability. N o e x p e r i e n c e i n m y life was m o r e p a i n f u l t h a n w h e n F C E was h i t b y t h e r e c e s s i o n a n d , i n 1 9 9 1 , a f t e r r u n n i n g heavily i n t h e r e d for two years, h a d to downsize. As p a r t of t h e m a n a g e m e n t of that organization, I h a d to participate in the painful de-

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c i s i o n t o lay off e i g h t v e r y c o m p e t e n t p e o p l e . S u c h p a i n i s o n e o f t h e r e a s o n s why m o s t executives b e c o m e h a r d e n e d a n d lose t h e i r c a p a c i t y for v u l n e r a b i l i t y . Yet o n l y t h o s e few a b l e t o r e t a i n their capacity for vulnerability are t h e truly great leaders. O n c e a g a i n , as I w r o t e in The Road Less Traveled, " P e r h a p s t h e b e s t m e a s u r e o f a p e r s o n ' s g r e a t n e s s i s h i s o r h e r c a p a c i t y t o suffer." I t i s easy t o o v e r e s t i m a t e t h e p o l i t i c a l p o w e r o f e x e c u t i v e s . In a h i g h - r a n k i n g executive position, t h e i r h a n d s are often tied. B u t n o t with r e s p e c t to this overlap of political a n d spiritual p o w e r . T h e g r e a t e s t p o w e r a t o p e x e c u t i v e h a s i s t h e ability t o d e t e r m i n e t h e spirit of t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n . If his spirit is m e a n in s o m e way, t h a t m e a n n e s s will p e r v a d e t h e e n t i r e o r g a n i z a t i o n . T h i s was i m p r e s s e d u p o n m e w h e n I w o r k e d i n t h e f e d e r a l gove r n m e n t in W a s h i n g t o n from 1970 to 1972, d u r i n g t h e N i x o n a d m i n i s t r a t i o n . T h e s p i r i t o f "dirty t r i c k s " was virtually everywhere. On the other hand, in those perhaps rare instances w h e n a t o p e x e c u t i v e i s a d e e p l y h o n e s t p e r s o n , y o u will p r o b a bly f i n d a n u n u s u a l l y h o n e s t o r g a n i z a t i o n . W h i l e p o l i t i c a l p o w e r is g e n e r a l l y a t t a i n a b l e by o n l y a relative few, s p i r i t u a l p o w e r c a n b e a t t a i n e d b y m o s t . A l t h o u g h t o a c o n s i d e r a b l e e x t e n t i t i s a gift f r o m G o d , b e g i n n i n g w i t h t h e creation of the individual soul, p e o p l e can c h o o s e to neglect or cultivate t h e i r souls. W h e n you m a k e t h e c h o i c e for consciousness, l e a r n i n g , a n d growth, t h e n you have also c h o s e n t h e p a t h of spiritual power, which resides in your b e i n g a n d n o t in your position. T h r o u g h o u t the centuries, theologians, in considering the d i c h o t o m y b e t w e e n b e i n g a n d d o i n g , have invariably c o m e d o w n i n favor o f b e i n g . I n o t h e r w o r d s , w h o y o u a r e — w h a t k i n d o f p e r s o n y o u a r e — i s m u c h m o r e i m p o r t a n t t h a n w h a t y o u actually d o . T h a t i s h a r d t o g r a s p i n o u r a c t i o n - o r i e n t e d c u l t u r e . I c a n n o t tell y o u t h e n u m b e r o f t i m e s I w e n t t o Lily a t t h e e n d o f a d a y o f m y p s y c h i a t r i c p r a c t i c e a n d said t o h e r , " I really d i d s o m e t h i n g p h e n o m e n a l w i t h T o m today. I m a d e a b r i l l i a n t int e r v e n t i o n . I t was a b e a u t i f u l m a n e u v e r . " T h e p r o b l e m was t h a t T o m w o u l d t h e n c o m e b a c k for his n e x t session a n d act as if n o t h i n g h a d h a p p e n e d . I w o u l d ask h i m a f t e r a w h i l e w h a t h e

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t h o u g h t a b o u t o u r p r e v i o u s s e s s i o n . " W h a t a b o u t it?" T o m w o u l d ask. I w o u l d t h e n r e m i n d h i m o f t h e b r i l l i a n t t h i n g I h a d d o n e o r said, a n d T o m w o u l d s c r a t c h h i s h e a d , c o m m e n t i n g , " I vaguely r e m e m b e r s o m e t h i n g a b o u t that." O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , T o m m i g h t c o m e i n for a session a n d e x c l a i m , " G o d , Dr. P e c k , w h a t y o u s a i d last w e e k h a s totally revo l u t i o n i z e d m y life." T h e n i t w o u l d b e m y t u r n t o s c r a t c h m y h e a d a n d a s k w h a t I h a d s a i d o r d o n e t h a t was s o i m p o r t a n t . T o m w o u l d a n s w e r , " D o n ' t y o u r e m e m b e r a t t h e e n d o f o u r last s e s s i o n , j u s t a s I was l e a v i n g t h e office, y o u s a i d s u c h a n d s u c h ? T h a n k y o u . T h a n k y o u . " I d i d n ' t r e m e m b e r w h a t e v e r i t was I h a d s a i d t h a t was s o h e a l i n g . I t w a s n ' t a n y t h i n g t h a t I h a d d o n e b u t r a t h e r s o m e t h i n g t h a t h a d j u s t "flowed" o u t o f m y b e i n g . As a p s y c h o t h e r a p i s t I u s e d to be v e r y i n t e r e s t e d in J e s u s ' "zap" cures ( a l t h o u g h t h e scientist i n m e w o u l d have liked s o m e g o o d follow-up s t u d i e s ) . T h e y a r e n o t t h e n o r m i n t h e p r a c t i c e o f psychiatry. I n d e e d , i n m y w h o l e c a r e e r , I h a v e h a d o n l y o n e z a p c u r e , w h i c h o c c u r r e d i n t h e c o n t e x t o f c o m m u n i t y . I t was a t a five-day community-building w o r k s h o p for almost four h u n d r e d p e o p l e at a beautiful retreat center in N o r t h Carolina. By t h e e n d o f t h e t h i r d day, t h e g r o u p a s a w h o l e h a d r e a c h e d " c o m m u n i t y , " b u t t h e r e w e r e still a few s t r a g g l e r s w h o w e r e n ' t t h e r e yet a n d m i g h t never be. O n t h e m o r n i n g o f t h e fourth day, I was c a r r y i n g two c u p s o f coffee f r o m t h e d i n i n g r o o m b a c k t o m y o w n r o o m f o r m y solitary p r a y e r t i m e w h e n I s p i e d a w o m a n s i t t i n g o n t h e p a r a p e t w i t h a towel c l u t c h e d t o h e r h e a d , in t h e m o s t obvious distress. I s t o p p e d , n o t b e c a u s e I w a n t e d to b e c o m e i n v o l v e d b u t s i m p l y b e c a u s e I was c u r i o u s . "My G o d , y o u l o o k m i s e r a b l e , " I said. " W h a t ' s t h e m a t t e r ? " T h e lady c l u t c h e d h e r towel even tighter a n d m u m b l e d i n a g o n y , "I've g o t a m i g r a i n e . " " I ' m sorry," I r e s p o n d e d . " I h o p e i t g e t s b e t t e r . " A n d I p r o c e e d e d o n m y way. B u t as I m o v e d off, I h e a r d t h e w o m a n say, " I ' m so a n g r y . I'm so d a m n angry!" A g a i n , I s t o p p e d , n o t t o try t o h e a l h e r b u t o u t o f c u r i o s i t y o n c e m o r e . "Why are you so angry?"

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"I'm so angry at those d a m n charismatic phonies," she replied. 'You know, t h e o n e s w h o d u r i n g t h e singing raise their h a n d s u p i n t h e air a n d wiggle t h e m a b o u t . T h e y ' r e j u s t trying to p r e t e n d to be pious." "I think you're right that m a n y of t h e m are probably trying to look pious," I c o m m e n t e d , "but I think probably s o m e of t h e m are j u s t having fun." T h e l a d y l o o k e d a t m e w i t h s u d d e n l y w i d e eyes. " O h , m y G o d , I've n e v e r h a d f u n , " s h e b l u r t e d . "Well, I h o p e s o m e d a y y o u d o , " I r e m a r k e d , a n d left w i t h m y coffee, i n t e n t u p o n m y p r a y e r t i m e . A t t h e e n d o f t h e d a y i t was r e p o r t e d t o m e t h a t t h i s w o m a n no longer h a d a migraine. She h a d b e e n able to reach c o m m u nity a n d h a d s p e n t t h e e n t i r e a f t e r n o o n telling o t h e r m e m b e r s o f h e r g r o u p , "Dr. P e c k h e a l e d m e . I've n e v e r h a d f u n . Dr. P e c k h e a l e d m e . " T h a t was m y o n e " z a p " c u r e . I t h i n k i t was n o accid e n t that it o c c u r r e d at a time w h e n I wasn't even trying to heal. I n d e e d , t h e best psychotherapists eventually learn, if they h a n g i n t h e r e l o n g e n o u g h , t o s t o p trying t o h e a l t h e i r p a t i e n t s . W h a t t h e y c a n realistically s e t t h e i r s i g h t s o n i s b u i l d i n g t h e b e s t possible r e l a t i o n s h i p — o r c o m m u n i t y — w i t h their patients; within t h a t r e l a t i o n s h i p , h e a l i n g will n a t u r a l l y o c c u r w i t h o u t t h e i r havi n g to " d o " anything. I believe that the p o w e r to heal, a spiritual p o w e r , c o m e s f r o m G o d . It is a gift. A n d I b e l i e v e it is t h e i n t e n t of t h e Giver t h a t it s h o u l d be u s e d in s u c h a m a n n e r as to ultim a t e l y give i t away. I n o t h e r w o r d s , t h e b e s t r e a s o n t o h a v e a n y kind of power—spiritual or temporal—is to use it so as to empower others.

CULTURE

C u l t u r e may be d e f i n e d as t h e i n t e r l o c k i n g system of n o r m s a n d values, implicit or explicit, within an organization. Every o r g a n i z a t i o n , e v e n a m a r r i a g e , h a s its o w n c u l t u r e . W e s p e a k o f family c u l t u r e s . T h e s u b j e c t o f c u l t u r e i n b u s i n e s s i s m u c h writt e n a b o u t . O f c o u r s e , e v e r y s o c i e t y h a s its o w n c u l t u r e , a n d e v e n

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t h o s e n o t a c c u s t o m e d t o t h i n k i n g i n t e r m s o f systems a r e a w a r e that A m e r i c a n culture is different from F r e n c h culture, which is different from J a p a n e s e culture, a n d so forth. O n e o f t h e m o s t i n f l u e n t i a l b o o k s o f this c e n t u r y was R u t h B e n e d i c t ' s Patterns of Culture, in w h i c h s h e d e s c r i b e d at l e n g t h t h r e e dramatically different "primitive" cultures. In o n e of t h e three, the g e n d e r roles we know were completely reversed. T h e m e n w e r e a c c o u n t a b l e for t h e h o m e m a k i n g a n d child r e a r i n g , w h i l e t h e w o m e n w e r e a c c o u n t a b l e f o r b u s i n e s s a n d all t h e i m p o r t a n t political decisions. In contrast, a n o t h e r of t h e cultures B e n e d i c t s t u d i e d was e v e n m o r e p a t r i a r c h a l t h a n t h a t o f t h e U n i t e d States b a c k i n t h e e i g h t e e n t h o r n i n e t e e n t h century. T h e m e s s a g e o f this p o w e r f u l b o o k was t h a t n o c u l t u r e i s better t h a n any other. A n d while a m e m b e r of any o n e of t h e m would have b e e n confused in entering another, each of the three s e e m i n g l y w o r k e d well. B e n e d i c t ' s b o o k p u t f o r t h t h e c o n c e p t o f c u l t u r a l relativism, w h o s e u n d e r l y i n g p r i n c i p l e i s w h a t i s c o n sidered good in one culture may be considered bad in another. I n o t h e r w o r d s , e t h i c s a r e totally r e l a t i v e t o c u l t u r e . S o m e w h a t like s i t u a t i o n a l e t h i c s , c u l t u r a l relativism h o l d s t h a t j u d g m e n t s c a n n o t b e m a d e a b o u t a n y c u l t u r e e x c e p t f r o m w i t h i n it. T h e c o n c e p t o f c u l t u r a l relativism h a s d o n e m u c h t o b r o a d e n o u r m i n d s — m i n d s that very m u c h n e e d e d b r o a d e n i n g . F o r i n s t a n c e , I r e m e m b e r w i t h g r e a t clarity t h a t a t t h e a g e of n i n e t e e n I, w i t h a g r o u p of o t h e r A m e r i c a n s , g o t off a c r u i s e ship that h a d d o c k e d in Naples. At eleven o'clock that evening, o u r g r o u p strolled along the streets on the e d g e of the beautiful Bay o f N a p l e s , a n d s t r o l l i n g w i t h u s w e r e s w a r m s o f N e a p o l i t a n s o f e v e r y a g e . I t was n o t t h e i n f a n t s o r t h e a d u l t s w h o c a u g h t m y c o m p a t r i o t s ' eyes, b u t all t h e c h i l d r e n b e t w e e n t h e a g e s o f two a n d twelve w h o w e r e r u n n i n g a b o u t . "Why, t h e y o u g h t t o b e in bed!" they exclaimed. "What kind of p e o p l e are these Italians t h a t t h e y k e e p t h e i r c h i l d r e n u p a t e l e v e n a t n i g h t ? T h a t ' s a terr i b l e way t o t r e a t c h i l d r e n . " W h a t m y c o m p a t r i o t s failed t o r e a l i z e o r t a k e i n t o a c c o u n t i s t h a t t h e siesta was a n i n v i o l a t e p a r t o f I t a l i a n c u l t u r e — a t l e a s t b a c k t h e n , m o r e t h a n forty y e a r s a g o . E v e r y o n e , a d u l t s a n d chil-

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d r e n a l i k e , w e n t t o s l e e p b e t w e e n two a n d five i n t h e a f t e r n o o n . B u s i n e s s e s w e r e c l o s e d , t h e n r e o p e n e d a r o u n d f i v e o r six i n t h e evening; a n d p e o p l e normally d i d n ' t start e a t i n g d i n n e r until nine. T h e children were n o t "up past their bedtime" or being m i s t r e a t e d i n a n y way. H a d m y c o m p a t r i o t s b e e n m o r e f a m i l i a r with t h e c o n c e p t of cultural relativism, they m i g h t n o t have demonstrated the arrogant judgmentalism that so many Ameri c a n t o u r i s t s a r e guilty o f e v e n today. Sometimes, however, it can be i n a p p r o p r i a t e to w i t h h o l d j u d g m e n t . I n 1 9 6 9 Lily a n d I w e n t t o I n d i a f o r a s i g h t - s e e i n g vac a t i o n . A m o n g A m e r i c a n s w h o visit I n d i a , t h e r e s e e m t o b e two d i f f e r e n t types. O n e t y p e r e t u r n s r a v i n g a b o u t I n d i a ' s b e a u t y . T h e other comes h o m e horrified by their experience. We bel o n g e d t o t h e horrified type. W e w e r e horrified n o t only b y t h e p o v e r t y a n d t h e f i l t h b u t a l s o b y t h e i n c r e d i b l e inefficiency. T h r o u g h o u t o u r e l e v e n days w e saw t h i n g s r o u t i n e l y b e i n g d o n e p o o r l y t h a t c o u l d j u s t a s easily h a v e b e e n d o n e well. F o r t h e f i r s t t i m e i n o u r lives i t o c c u r r e d t o u s t h a t w h i l e t o l e r a n c e i s o f t e n a v i r t u e , t h e r e c o u l d b e s u c h a t h i n g a s a n e x c e s s o f tole r a n c e . I n d i a s e e m e d t o suffer f r o m a vice o f t o l e r a n c e . W e saw p e o p l e b l a n d l y t o l e r a t i n g w h a t s e e m e d t o u s i n t o l e r a b l e inefficiency. It was all a b i t of a m y s t e r y to us u n t i l o u r next-to-last d a y t h e r e , w h e n we were having breakfast. A waiter spilled a p i t c h e r o f c r e a m o n t h e d i n i n g r o o m floor, b u t i n s t e a d o f c l e a n i n g i t u p , h e vanished. O t h e r waiters, t h e n headwaiters, t h e n m a n agers c a m e a n d looked at the p u d d l e of cream a n d p r o c e e d e d t o w a l k t h r o u g h it, s p r e a d i n g f o o t p r i n t s o f c r e a m t h r o u g h o u t the dining r o o m . We were seeing an example of the genesis of I n d i a ' s f i l t h . B u t why? A n d a t t h a t m o m e n t i t f i n a l l y d a w n e d o n u s : i t was n o t t h e j o b o f w a i t e r s o r a n y b o d y p r e s e n t t o c l e a n u p p u d d l e s o f c r e a m . I t was t h e low-caste s w e e p e r ' s j o b , a n d h e didn't come on duty until afternoon. From that incident, as we t h o u g h t a b o u t it, w e r e a l i z e d t h a t virtually e v e r y i n e f f i c i e n c y w e h a d s e e n was a r e s u l t o f t h e c a s t e system, w h i c h , a l t h o u g h s u p p o s e d l y o u t l a w e d , was still s o d e e p l y e m b e d d e d i n I n d i a n c u l t u r e a s t o g o v e r n t h e lives o f e v e r y o n e o f its c i t i z e n s . C u l t u r a l

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r e l a t i v i s m w o u l d insist t h a t t h e r e i s n o t h i n g i n h e r e n t l y w r o n g w i t h t h e c a s t e system. I d i s a g r e e . In my e s t i m a t i o n , it is a s e r i o u s c u l t u r a l flaw, n o t o n l y b e c a u s e o f its i n h e r e n t incivility b u t a l s o b e c a u s e o f its e x t r a o r d i n a r y inefficiency a n d its d e g r a d a t i o n o f a n e n t i r e society. A m e r i c a ' s c u l t u r e i s n o t w i t h o u t its flaws, a l t h o u g h t h e y a r e p e r h a p s n o t o f t h e s a m e m a g n i t u d e a s t h e flaw o f t h e c a s t e syst e m . I c o u l d p o i n t t o d o z e n s o f m a j o r flaws i n t h e c u l t u r e o f this n a t i o n , b u t t o m y m i n d t h e greatest p r o b l e m for t h e U n i t e d S t a t e s a t t h i s p o i n t i n t i m e i s n o t t h e flaws o f its c u l t u r e b u t t h e fact t h a t its c u l t u r e i s b r e a k i n g d o w n . S i n c e t h e b e g i n n i n g o f t h e 1960s, all o u r m a j o r c u l t u r a l n o r m s h a v e c o m e i n t o s e r i o u s q u e s t i o n . I b e l i e v e t h a t t h i s h a s b e e n p r o p e r . B u t i t h a s left u s i n a position w h e r e m a n y of o u r citizens are increasingly u n s u r e a b o u t h o w to behave. We have d e m o l i s h e d m a n y of the old, r i g i d c u l t u r a l n o r m s a n d a r e still i n t h e p r o c e s s o f d o i n g s o . T h e b i g q u e s t i o n n o w i s w h e t h e r w e will b e a b l e t o d e v e l o p n e w a n d m o r e workable norms. I do n o t know the answer to that quest i o n . T h e f u t u r e o f o u r society s e e m s i n c r e a s i n g l y o b s c u r e . N o r m s are generally established or reestablished, u p h e l d or overturned, by those in p o w e r in organizations, w h e t h e r they a r e f a m i l i e s o r b u s i n e s s e s . Earlier, I m a d e t h e p o i n t t h a t o n e o f t h e g r e a t e s t p o w e r s b u s i n e s s e x e c u t i v e s h a v e is, t h r o u g h t h e i r spirit, t o c r e a t e t h e s p i r i t o f t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n s o f w h i c h t h e y a r e in charge. T h e other great power is an analogous one. It is to c r e a t e t h e c u l t u r e o f t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n . I t i s n o t easy f o r a n e w t o p executive to c h a n g e t h e culture of a company, b u t insofar as i t c a n b e c h a n g e d , t h e c h a n g e will b e g i n a t t h e t o p . N o o n e h a s m o r e responsibility for t h e c u l t u r e o f a n o r g a n i z a t i o n t h a n those in the highest positions of authority. This responsibility is often abdicated, n o t only by business l e a d e r s b u t also b y family l e a d e r s . I n t h i s t i m e o f c u l t u r a l b r e a k down, m o r e and m o r e parents are unsure about how to behave as parents. It often seems that they n o w look to their children to e s t a b l i s h t h e family c u l t u r e , a s i f t h e y a r e r e l u c t a n t t o e x e r c i s e t h e a u t h o r i t y t h a t i s n e c e s s a r y t o e s t a b l i s h c l e a r family v a l u e s and norms. Parents should not be despots, b u t neither should

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c h i l d r e n h a v e t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y o f c r e a t i n g t h e family c u l t u r e . I f t h e y a r e g i v e n t h a t r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , t h e y will b e c o m e e i t h e r very c o n f u s e d o r tyrannical. T h e p o w e r t o c r e a t e t h e spirit o f a n org a n i z a t i o n i s m o r e t h a n a n a l o g o u s t o t h e p o w e r t o c r e a t e its c u l ture. T h e y are inseparable. Ultimately, it is in t h e culture of an o r g a n i z a t i o n t h a t its s p i r i t b e c o m e s e m b o d i e d .

DYSFUNCTION VERSUS CIVILITY I t h a s b e c o m e v e r y f a s h i o n a b l e t h e s e days t o u s e t h e t e r m "dysfunctional" for organizations, w h e t h e r they a r e businesses or f a m i l i e s. I n d e e d , i t i s s o f a s h i o n a b l e t h a t , like " c o m m u n i t y " a n d "civility," t h e w o r d i s r a p i d l y d e s c e n d i n g i n t o m e a n i n g l e s s n e s s . W h e n I was still g i v i n g l e c t u r e s , I u s e d t o ask m y a u d i e n c e s o n o c c a s i o n : "Will a n y o n e h e r e w h o was n o t b r o u g h t u p i n a dysf u n c t i o n a l family p l e a s e r a i s e y o u r h a n d ? " N o t a h a n d w o u l d b e r a i s e d . All o r g a n i z a t i o n s , w h e t h e r families o r b u s i n e s s e s , a r e dysfunctional. But s o m e are m o r e dysfunctional than others. A n u m b e r of y e a r s a g o I was a s k e d to c o n s u l t w i t h a l a r g e d e p a r t m e n t o f a h u g e f e d e r a l a g e n c y b e c a u s e i t was s o o b v i o u s l y dysfunctional. T h e r e were m a n y p r o b l e m s in that d e p a r t m e n t , b u t t h e b i g g e s t o n e was v e r y easy t o s p o t a s s o o n a s I l o o k e d a t the department's hierarchical organizational chart. T h e h e a d of t h e d e p a r t m e n t (a m a n I will call P e t e r ) was a s e n i o r civil serv a n t . A n d w h e n I saw t h a t two o f h i s d e p u t i e s w e r e p o l i t i c a l a p p o i n t e e s , I was a s t o n i s h e d . I n m y o w n y e a r s o f g o v e r n m e n t service, I h a d n e v e r h e a r d of a political a p p o i n t e e w h o r e p o r t e d t o a civil s e r v a n t . P o l i t i c a l a p p o i n t e e s always h e l d t h e t o p m a n a g e m e n t p o s i t i o n s . P e t e r a n d t h e s e two d e p u t i e s all a t t e m p t e d t o a s s u r e m e t h a t t h i s was n o t s o o u t o f t h e o r d i n a r y , a n d t h a t t h e r e was n o t h i n g w r o n g w i t h t h e s y s t e m . B u t m a n y t h i n g s w e r e o b v i o u s l y w r o n g , a n d f i n a l l y I f o u n d a n o t h e r e x p e r i e n c e d civil s e r v a n t n e a r t h e t o p w h o was w i l l i n g t o b e h o n e s t w i t h m e . " O f c o u r s e , " h e said. " P e t e r h a s b e e n l a y e r e d . " A p p a r e n t l y t h e p o litical a p p o i n t e e s a t t h e h e a d o f t h e a g e n c y s o d i s t r u s t e d P e t e r t h a t they h a d p u t two of their picks within his d e p a r t m e n t to

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s e r v e a s spies a n d t o u n d e r c u t h i s a u t h o r i t y w h e n e v e r t h e y saw fit. I c o u l d d i s c e r n n o r e a s o n f o r P e t e r t o b e d i s t r u s t e d . Ind e e d , h e was a n u n u s u a l l y m a t u r e a n d c o m p e t e n t m a n . W h a t I d i s c o v e r e d i n this a g e n c y , r a t h e r , was a n e n t i r e c u l t u r e o f distrust so severe that it c o u l d properly be t e r m e d a culture of p a r a n o i a . S i n c e this c u l t u r e h a d b e e n g e n e r a t e d a t t h e t o p , b y t h e h i g h e s t - r a n k i n g political a p p o i n t e e s — t o w h o m I h a d no access—all m y r e c o m m e n d a t i o n s were d i s r e g a r d e d , a n d t h e organization r e m a i n e d as dysfunctional after I d e p a r t e d as it h a d b e e n w h e n I c a m e in. "Dysfunctional" a n d "culture of paranoia" are abstract t e r m s . Less a b s t r a c t was t h e fact t h a t a t o p - n o t c h e x e c u t i v e was r e n d e r e d totally i m p o t e n t a n d t h e t i m e o f two o t h e r e x e c u t i v e s was b e i n g u t t e r l y w a s t e d i n s p y i n g o n h i m . T h i s m e a n t s e v e r a l h u n d r e d t h o u s a n d taxpayer dollars down the drain. But m o r e t h a n that, the m o r a l e of the entire thousand-employee departm e n t was a s h a m b l e s a n d its p e r f o r m a n c e u n d e r s t a n d a b l y p o o r as a result. T h e actual cost to t h e taxpayers, within t h a t d e p a r t m e n t a l o n e , was i n t h e m i l l i o n s . W h a t i t was f o r t h e e n t i r e agency, G o d only knows. T h e r e a r e two m o r a l s to this story. If, as I h a v e said, t h e m o s t civil u s e o f p o w e r i s t o give i t away, t h e n i n this i n s t a n c e n o t only were t h o s e in t h e h i g h e s t positions of p o w e r n o t giving i t away, t h e y w e r e t a k i n g i t away. T h e s t o r y ' s f i r s t m o r a l i s t h a t s u c h incivility is n o t cost-effective. To t h e c o n t r a r y , it is viciously e x p e n s i v e a n d wasteful. T h e o t h e r m o r a l i s t h a t i t i s e x t r e m e l y difficult t o c h a n g e a c u l t u r e , n o m a t t e r h o w u n c i v i l a n d u n p r o ductive or dysfunctional it may be. We have seen that o n e tenet o f s y s t e m s t h e o r y i s t h a t w h e n e v e r y o u c h a n g e a p a r t o f t h e syst e m , all t h e o t h e r p a r t s h a v e t o c h a n g e . N o w w e h a v e a r r i v e d a t a n o t h e r t e n e t : systems i n h e r e n t l y resist c h a n g e . T h e y resist h e a l i n g . T h e p l a i n fact o f t h e m a t t e r i s t h a t m o s t o r g a n i z a t i o n s , d e s p i t e t h e b l a t a n c y o f t h e i r d y s f u n c t i o n a n d d e s p i t e its costineffectiveness, w o u l d r a t h e r r e m a i n dysfunctional t h a n g r o w t o w a r d g r e a t e r civility. W h y i s this so? R e f l e c t o n t h e c o m p l e x i t y of t h e d e f i n i t i o n of civility, n a m e l y , t h a t it is " c o n s c i o u s l y m o t i -

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vated organizational b e h a v i o r t h a t is ethical in submission to a h i g h e r power." Civility d o e s n o t c o m e n a t u r a l l y . I t t a k e s c o n s c i o u s n e s s a n d a c t i o n t o a c h i e v e . Incivility c o m e s m o r e n a t u r a l l y t o u s h u m a n b e i n g s , a n d b e c a u s e o f laziness i t i s s i m p l y e a s i e r t o b e u n c i v i l . If t h a t s e e m s to be a p e s s i m i s t i c view, t h e r e is still r o o m f o r o p t i m i s m . I t m a y b e d e r i v e d f r o m m y s t a t e m e n t t h a t all o r g a n i z a t i o n s a r e d y s f u n c t i o n a l . W h a t this m e a n s f o r y o u a s h e a d s o f f a m i l i e s a n d b u s i n e s s e s i s t h a t y o u c a n n o t d o i t perfectly. T h i n g s will n e v e r c o m e o u t n e a t a n d tidy. B u t d o n ' t feel b a d a b o u t ordinary failure. It is i n h e r e n t in t h e complexity of t h e roles of parents a n d executives. I n d e e d , if you expect perfection, you m a y m a k e t h i n g s e v e n w o r s e . Y o u a r e e n t i t l e d t o feel g o o d a b o u t g e t t i n g a l o n g a s well a s y o u c a n i n this w o r l d . D e s p i t e t h e o d d s a g a i n s t d o i n g t h i n g s perfectly, y o u d o t h e b e s t y o u c a n . T o b e a s civil a s p o s s i b l e i n t h e s e c o m p l e x a n d d e m a n d i n g r o l e s i s t h e p a t h o f s m a r t selfishness, e v e n t h o u g h i t r e q u i r e s a g r e a t d e a l o f p s y c h o s p i r i t u a l e x e r t i o n . W h y b o t h e r , t h e n , s i n c e incivility c o m e s m o r e easily t h a n civility? T h e a n s w e r t o t h a t q u e s t i o n , as I s u g g e s t e d in A World Waiting to Be Born, is t h a t w h i l e incivility is easier, t h e c r e a t i o n of a relatively civil o r g a n i z a t i o n o r c u l t u r e i s i n t h e l o n g r u n m o r e cost-effective. I t i s also t h e r o u t e t o c r e a t i n g s o m e t h i n g t h a t i s m o r e h e a l i n g a n d alive.

CHAPTER

6

Choices About Society

WE HAVE MANY CHOICES TO MAKE as we p l a y v a r y i n g r o l e s a n d face m a n y tasks, r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s , a n d c h a l l e n g e s i n o u r families, w o r k lives, a n d g r o u p affiliations. B u t o u r lives b e c o m e e v e n m o r e c o m p l e x w h e n w e look b e y o n d o u r n u c l e a r families a n d the particular organizations to which we belong or have contact w i t h o n a r e g u l a r basis. W h e t h e r w e a r e c h i l d r e n , h e a d s o f f a m ilies, s t u d e n t s , o r e m p l o y e e s , w e a l s o b e l o n g t o a n e v e n l a r g e r o r g a n i z a t i o n t h a t we call society. We c o e x i s t as a c o l l e c t i v e of h u m a n beings stretching b e y o n d the b o u n d a r i e s of different t o w n s a n d cities, c o u n t i e s a n d s t a t e s , r e g i o n s a n d n a t i o n s . W e all a r e i n e v i t a b l y c i t i z e n s o f t h e w o r l d . A n d a s m e m b e r s o f this social o r d e r , w e c o n f r o n t p r o f o u n d c h o i c e s a b o u t w h a t citizenship means. A s e c u l a r p s y c h i a t r i s t a n d o l d f r i e n d , w h o was o n e o f t h e v e r y first r e a d e r s of The Road Less Traveled, w r o t e this to me a b o u t the book: "What I get from it is that there's no such thing a s a f r e e l u n c h . " H e was r i g h t i n a c e r t a i n r e s p e c t . T h e s u p p o r t a n d n u r t u r a n c e w e g e t f r o m society d o n o t c o m e f r e e . S o m e d e gree of responsibility b e y o n d simply paying taxes a c c o m p a n i e s the benefits of citizenship. But w h e t h e r we're interested in bei n g g o o d citizens or n o t is a n o t h e r matter. If we have t h e e n e r g y a n d will t o d o s o , w e face t h e c h o i c e o f h o w t o b e t h e b e s t citiz e n s w e c a n b e . W e also h a v e t h e o p t i o n o f c o p p i n g o u t , o f n o t c a r i n g , o f a v o i d i n g all r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r t h e w e l l - b e i n g o f soci-

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ety. A s i s t h e c a s e w i t h a n y c h o i c e w e m a k e i n life, w h i c h o f t h e s e r o u t e s w e t a k e yields its o w n c o n s e q u e n c e s . I f w e m o r e closely e x a m i n e t h e c o m p l e x i t i e s o f c i t i z e n s h i p a n d l o o k a t society realistically, i n e v i t a b l y w e will b e c o n f r o n t e d by a n u m b e r of paradoxes. W h e n e v e r you take into consideration the multiple dimensions of any situation, a n d if no pieces o f r e a l i t y a r e m i s s i n g f r o m t h e p i c t u r e , y o u p r o b a b l y will b e l o o k i n g a t a p a r a d o x . I n o t h e r w o r d s , virtually all t r u t h i s p a r a d o x i c a l , a n d n o w h e r e i s t h i s m o r e e v i d e n t t h a n i n t h e task o f m a k i n g o u r c h o i c e s a b o u t society.

T H E PARADOX OF G O O D AND EVIL I n o n e o f h i s l e t t e r s , t h e A p o s t l e P a u l w r o t e t h a t t h i s h u m a n society was r u l e d b y " p r i n c i p a l i t i e s a n d p o w e r s , " h i s p h r a s e f o r " t h e d e m o n i c . " W h e t h e r w e i n t e r p r e t t h e d e m o n i c a s s o m e ext e r n a l f o r c e o r s i m p l y o u r h u m a n n a t u r e a n d " o r i g i n a l sin," t h e n o t i o n t h a t t h e devil i s t h e r u l e r o f t h i s w o r l d h a s a n e n o r m o u s a m o u n t o f t r u t h t o it. G i v e n t h e p r e v a l e n c e o f war, g e n o c i d e , poverty, s t a r v a t i o n , g r o s s i n e q u a l i t y i n t h e d i s t r i b u t i o n o f w e a l t h , racism a n d sexism, despair a n d hopelessness, d r u g abuse, whitecollar c r i m e in o u r institutions, violent c r i m e on o u r streets, a n d c h i l d a n d s p o u s a l a b u s e i n o u r h o m e s , evil s e e m s t o b e t h e o r d e r o f t h e day. I t c e r t a i n l y l o o k s t h a t way m o s t o f t h e t i m e — f o r t h e f o r c e s o f evil a r e r e a l a n d v a r i e d . S o m e r e l i g i o n s c l a i m t h a t t h e f a c t o r s p e r p e t u a t i n g evil o r i g i n a t e i n h u m a n sin. P s y c h o l o g i c a l e x p l a n a t i o n s often p o i n t t o t h e lack o f individual a n d g r o u p c o n s c i o u s n e s s . M a n y social c o m m e n t a t o r s view t h e c h a o s i n o u r c u l t u r e , i n c l u d i n g a b r e a k d o w n i n family v a l u e s a n d t h e e m p h a s i s o n m a t e r i a l i s m a n d c o m f o r t a t all costs, a s t h e p r i m a r y d e t e r m i n a n t s o f evil. T h e m e d i a a r e o f t e n b l a m e d f o r t h e i r w i c k e d i n f l u e n c e . L e t ' s l o o k a t e a c h o f t h e s e f a c t o r s briefly t o flesh o u t t h e p a r a d o x i c a l reality o f g o o d a n d evil t h a t h a s a sign i f i c a n t i m p a c t o n o u r c h o i c e s a b o u t society. T h e w o r d "Satan" originally m e a n t adversary. I n Christian

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t h e o l o g y , S a t a n i s also c a l l e d t h e devil. W e a r e b e i n g a d v e r s a r i a l w h e n w e s p e a k o f " p l a y i n g devil's a d v o c a t e . " S a t a n o r t h e devil, m y t h o l o g i c a l l y , was o r i g i n a l l y a " g o o d " a n g e l w h o was cast o u t o f h e a v e n for d i s o b e d i e n c e a n d p r i d e , a n d b e c a m e t h e p e r s o n ification o f evil a n d t h e a d v e r s a r y o f m a n . A c e r t a i n a m o u n t o f a d v e r s a r i a l i s m i s g o o d f o r o u r t h i n k i n g a n d g r o w t h . Its f l i p p a n t p r a c t i c e , h o w e v e r , m a y h i d e a h i n t o f t h e sinister. A n y a d v e r s a r ial p o s i t i o n w h i c h i s p e r s i s t e n t l y c o n t r a r y a n d o p p o s e d t o h u m a n g r o w t h — a n d directly opposite to that which is godly—contains t h e h a r s h i n g r e d i e n t s f o r t h e p e r p e t u a t i o n o f evil. A m o n g t h o s e i n g r e d i e n t s m a y b e h u m a n n a t u r e itself. I h a v e little i d e a w h a t r o l e t h e devil plays i n this w o r l d , b u t a s I m a d e q u i t e c l e a r in People of the Lie, g i v e n t h e d y n a m i c s of o r i g i n a l sin, m o s t p e o p l e d o n ' t n e e d t h e devil t o r e c r u i t t h e m t o evil; t h e y a r e q u i t e c a p a b l e o f r e c r u i t i n g t h e m s e l v e s . I n The Road Less Traveled, I s u g g e s t e d t h a t l a z i n e s s m i g h t be t h e e s s e n c e o f w h a t t h e o l o g i a n s call o r i g i n a l sin. B y l a z i n e s s I d o n o t s o m u c h m e a n p h y s i c a l l e t h a r g y a s m e n t a l , e m o t i o n a l , o r spirit u a l i n e r t i a . O r i g i n a l sin a l s o i n c l u d e s o u r t e n d e n c i e s t o w a r d n a r c i s s i s m , fear, a n d p r i d e . I n c o m b i n a t i o n , t h e s e h u m a n weakn e s s e s n o t o n l y c o n t r i b u t e t o evil b u t p r e v e n t p e o p l e f r o m ack n o w l e d g i n g t h e i r S h a d o w . O u t o f t o u c h w i t h t h e i r o w n sins, those w h o lack t h e humility to see their weaknesses are t h e m o s t c a p a b l e o f c o n t r i b u t i n g t o evil e i t h e r k n o w i n g l y o r u n k n o w ingly. W a r s t e n d t o b e s t a r t e d b y i n d i v i d u a l s o r g r o u p s l a c k i n g consciousness a n d devoid of integrity a n d wholeness. I wrote of this in People of the Lie. U s i n g My Lai as a c a s e study, I d e m o n s t r a t e d h o w evil a t a n i n s t i t u t i o n a l a n d g r o u p level o c c u r s w h e n t h e r e is a f r a g m e n t a t i o n of c o n s c i o u s n e s s — a n d c o n s c i e n c e . In Further Along the Road Less Traveled a n d The Different Drum, I w r o t e of t h e evil of c o m p a r t m e n t a l i z a t i o n . I d e s c r i b e d t h e t i m e w h e n I was w o r k i n g i n W a s h i n g t o n i n 1 9 7 0 - 7 2 a n d used to w a n d e r t h e halls of t h e P e n t a g o n talking to p e o p l e a b o u t t h e V i e t n a m War. T h e y w o u l d say, "Well, Dr. P e c k , w e u n d e r s t a n d y o u r c o n c e r n s . Yes, w e d o . B u t y o u s e e , w e ' r e t h e o r d n a n c e b r a n c h h e r e a n d w e a r e only r e s p o n s i b l e for seeing t o i t that the napalm is manufactured a n d sent to Vietnam on time.

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W e really d o n ' t h a v e a n y t h i n g t o d o w i t h t h e war. T h e w a r i s t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y o f t h e p o l i c y b r a n c h . G o d o w n t h e h a l l a n d talk t o t h e p e o p l e i n policy." S o I w o u l d g o d o w n t h e h a l l a n d talk t o t h e p e o p l e i n p o l icy, a n d t h e y w o u l d say, "Well, Dr. P e c k , w e u n d e r s t a n d y o u r c o n c e r n s . Yes, w e d o . B u t h e r e i n t h e p o l i c y b r a n c h , w e s i m p l y e x e c u t e policy, w e d o n ' t really m a k e policy. Policy i s m a d e a t t h e White House." Thus, it appeared that the entire Pentagon had a b s o l u t e l y n o t h i n g t o d o w i t h t h e V i e t n a m War. This same kind of compartmentalization can h a p p e n in any large organization. It can h a p p e n in businesses a n d in o t h e r areas of government; it can h a p p e n in hospitals a n d universities; i t c a n h a p p e n i n c h u r c h e s . W h e n a n y i n s t i t u t i o n b e comes large a n d compartmentalized, the conscience of that i n s t i t u t i o n will o f t e n b e c o m e s o f r a g m e n t e d a n d d i l u t e d a s t o b e virtually n o n e x i s t e n t , a n d t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n h a s t h e p o t e n t i a l t o b e c o m e i n h e r e n t l y evil. T h e w o r d " d i a b o l i c " i s d e r i v e d f r o m t h e G r e e k diaballein, m e a n i n g to throw apart, fragment, or compartmentalize. A m o n g t h e m o s t d i a b o l i c a s p e c t s o f t h e f r a g m e n t a t i o n o f o u r collective consciousness are those things so c o m m o n that they have bec o m e i n s t i t u t i o n a l i z e d . W h e r e i n s t i t u t i o n a l i z e d evils s u c h a s r a c i s m , s e x i s m , a g e i s m , a n d h o m o p h o b i a exist, f o r e x a m p l e , w e find the dual mechanisms of oppression and dehumanization. W h e n c e r t a i n s e g m e n t s o f h u m a n i t y a r e systemically r e g a r d e d as disposable or irrelevant or are treated with derision, dire c o n s e q u e n c e s f o r t h e i n t e g r i t y o f t h e e n t i r e s o c i e t y a r e inevitable. T o d o b a t t l e w i t h i n s t i t u t i o n a l i z e d s o c i e t a l evils, w e n e e d r e m e m b e r t h a t w h a t w e call g o o d m u s t b e g o o d f o r m o s t p e o p l e , m o s t o f t h e t i m e , a n d n o t m e r e l y a m a t t e r o f "Is i t g o o d f o r me?" This variant of the Golden Rule m e a n s that when we employ d o u b l e standards c o n d o n i n g o u r own behavior b u t j u d g i n g o t h e r s h a r s h l y f o r t h e s a m e b r e a c h o r s o m e t h i n g lesser, w e a r e i n d a n g e r . F o r e x a m p l e , t h o s e w h o live i n t h e n a t i o n ' s i n n e r cities r e c e i v e s u b s t a n t i a l l y l o n g e r p r i s o n t e r m s t h a n o t h e r s f o r relatively m i n o r c r i m e s , like p o s s e s s i o n o f s m a l l a m o u n t s o f

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c r a c k c o c a i n e , a c c o r d i n g t o statistics f r o m t h e N a t i o n a l S e n tencing Project based in Washington, D.C. S u b u r b a n powdercocaine users a n d middle- to upper-class users are rarely s e n t e n c e d t o p r i s o n f o r first o f f e n s e s . T h e y a r e m o r e likely t o g e t p r o b a t i o n a n d b e e n c o u r a g e d t o receive t r e a t m e n t for t h e i r drug problems. O f t e n , t h e f o r c e s o f evil a r e m o r e s u b t l e t h a n b l a t a n t . Alm o s t a s h o r r i f i c a s evil itself i s t h e d e n i a l o f it, a s i n t h e c a s e o f t h o s e w h o g o t h r o u g h life w e a r i n g r o s e - c o l o r e d glasses. I n d e e d , t h e d e n i a l o f evil c a n i n s o m e ways p e r p e t u a t e evil itself. I n I n Search of Stones, I w r o t e a b o u t this t e n d e n c y a m o n g a n u m b e r of f i n a n c i a l l y well-off p e o p l e w h o s e m o n e y i n s u l a t e s t h e m i n t h e i r w o r l d o f o p u l e n c e . T h e y fail t o a c t u a l l y s e e t h e p o v e r t y t h a t e x ists s o c l o s e t o t h e m , a n d t h e r e b y t h e y a v o i d a c c e p t i n g a n y r e sponsibility they m a y have for t h e p r o b l e m . M a n y r i d e a train to work every day from their s u b u r b a n havens to d o w n t o w n N e w Y o r k City, n e v e r l o o k i n g u p f r o m t h e i r n e w s p a p e r s a s t h e y p a s s the most impoverished sections of H a r l e m . T h e slums are rend e r e d invisible a n d so, t o o , a r e t h o s e e n m e s h e d i n t h e m . O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , t h e r e a r e t h o s e w h o t a k e a cynical view o f t h e w o r l d a n d s e e m t o b e l i e v e t h a t evil l u r k s b e h i n d everyt h i n g . T h e i r vision i s g l o o m - a n d - d o o m , e v e n i n t h e m i d s t o f inn o c e n c e a n d beauty. T h e y l o o k for t h e worst i n everything, n e v e r n o t i c i n g t h a t w h i c h i s p o s i t i v e a n d life-affirming. W h e n d e s p a i r a n d c y n i c i s m a r e like d e m o n s t o u s , w e risk p e r p e t u a t i n g evil a s well. A l t h o u g h w e c a n ' t a v o i d o u r d e m o n s , w e c a n c h o o s e n o t t o w e l c o m e o r t o ally o u r s e l v e s w i t h t h e m . T o b e healthy, we m u s t personally do battle with t h e m . A d e s p a i r i n g vision o f s o c i e t y c a n b e c o m e e v e n m o r e c l o u d e d b y m e d i a influences. T h r o u g h their focus o n the d r a m a o f evil, t h e m e d i a p e r p e t u a t e a n u n b a l a n c e d view o f reality. W h e n a c r e d i t c a r d i s s t o l e n , i t b e c o m e s a statistic, a n d t h e h e a d l i n e s b o m b a r d u s w i t h c r i m e r e p o r t s . B u t w e r a r e l y h e a r a n y statistics a b o u t c r e d i t c a r d s left b e h i n d o n c o u n t e r s a n d q u i e t l y r e t u r n e d (as i s a l m o s t always t h e c a s e ) . T h e m e d i a ' s g e n e r a l e x c l u s i o n o f g o o d n e w s leaves t h e p u b l i c w i t h t h e i m p r e s s i o n t h a t evil t r u l y r u l e s t h e day. I f " n o n e w s i s g o o d n e w s , " i t w o u l d also

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a p p e a r that "good news is no news." We do n o t h e a r or r e a d a b o u t t h e g o o d n e s s t h a t o c c u r s r o u t i n e l y — o n a daily b a s i s — i n the world. I t i s easy t o d e s p a i r , t o s i m p l y t h r o w o n e ' s h a n d s u p a n d b e lieve t h a t , s i n c e t h e w o r l d i s s o evil, n o t h i n g a n d n o o n e c a n m a k e a d i f f e r e n c e . B u t i f w e a r e t o l o o k a t o u r society realistically, w e will r e c o g n i z e t h e p o w e r f u l i n f l u e n c e s o f b o t h g o o d a n d evil f o r c e s . T h e w o r l d i s n o t all b e a u t i f u l . N e i t h e r i s i t all b a d . T h u s , t h e m o s t critical c h a l l e n g e w e face i s d e v e l o p i n g t h e ability t o g a i n a n d m a i n t a i n a b a l a n c e d p e r s p e c t i v e . A n d f r o m this p e r s p e c t i v e , t h e r e i s c a u s e f o r o p t i m i s m , n o t d e s p a i r . A story told to me by my late father helps m a k e t h e point. I t i s t h e s t o r y o f a n O r i e n t a l s a g e w h o , b a c k i n t h e 1950s, was int e r v i e w e d b y a r e p o r t e r a n d a s k e d w h e t h e r h e was a n o p t i m i s t or a p e s s i m i s t . " I ' m an optimist, of course," t h e sage replied. " B u t h o w c a n y o u b e a n o p t i m i s t w i t h all t h e p r o b l e m s i n t h e w o r l d — o v e r p o p u l a t i o n , c u l t u r a l b r e a k d o w n , war, c r i m e , a n d corruption?" the reporter asked. " O h , I ' m n o t a n o p t i m i s t a b o u t this c e n t u r y , " t h e s a g e explained. "But I am profoundly optimistic a b o u t the next century." G i v e n t h e reality o f t h e w o r l d today, m y r e s p o n s e w o u l d b e a l o n g t h e same lines. I ' m n o t a n optimist a b o u t t h e twentieth c e n t u r y , b u t I a m p r o f o u n d l y o p t i m i s t i c a b o u t t h e twenty-first century—if we can arrive t h e r e . K e e p i n g a b a l a n c e d p e r s p e c t i v e will b e e s s e n t i a l . J u s t a s i t i s necessary to develop one's consciousness in o r d e r to acknowle d g e t h e reality o f evil a n d o u r o w n p o t e n t i a l f o r sin a n d f o r c o n t r i b u t i n g t o evil, w e a l s o n e e d t o b e c o m e i n c r e a s i n g l y c o n s c i o u s t o identify a n d r e l i s h w h a t i s g o o d a n d b e a u t i f u l i n this life. I f w e s e e t h e w o r l d a s i n h e r e n t l y evil, t h e r e i s n o r e a s o n t o believe it can i m p r o v e . B u t if we see t h a t t h e forces for g o o d in t h e w o r l d a r e , a t t h e v e r y least, o n a n e q u a l f o o t i n g w i t h t h e f o r c e s f o r ill, t h e r e i s g r e a t h o p e f o r t h e f u t u r e . I n m a n y ways, t h e w o r l d i s c h a n g i n g f o r t h e b e t t e r . A s I w r o t e in The Road Less Traveled, o v e r o n e h u n d r e d y e a r s a g o

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c h i l d a b u s e was n o t o n l y r a m p a n t i n t h e U n i t e d States b u t b l a n d l y o v e r l o o k e d . B a c k t h e n , a p a r e n t c o u l d b e a t a c h i l d sev e r e l y a n d c o m m i t n o c r i m e . S o m e two h u n d r e d y e a r s a g o , m a n y children, even those as y o u n g as seven, were forced to w o r k i n f a c t o r i e s a n d m i n e s p r a c t i c a l l y all day. S o m e f o u r h u n d r e d years ago, c h i l d r e n w e r e n ' t generally c o n s i d e r e d worthy of a t t e n t i o n a n d respect as individuals with their own n e e d s a n d r i g h t s i n o u r society. B u t c h i l d p r o t e c t i o n efforts h a v e i m p r o v e d t r e m e n d o u s l y in o u r century. We have established h o t l i n e s for r e p o r t i n g cases of child exploitation; investigations a r e r o u t i n e a n d s o m e t i m e s extensive i n cases o f s u s p e c t e d child a b u s e a n d neglect. Unless you c a n ' t see t h e forest for t h e trees, t h e r e ' s no d e n y i n g t h a t society h a s m a d e vast i m p r o v e m e n t s i n p r o t e c t i n g t h e i n t e r e s t s a n d w e l l - b e i n g o f its y o u n g e s t a n d m o s t v u l n e r a b l e citizens. T h e r e is also p r o f o u n d p r o o f of c h a n g e for t h e b e t t e r on a w o r l d level. C o n s i d e r t h e issue o f h u m a n r i g h t s . G o v e r n m e n t s a r e r e g u l a r l y m o n i t o r e d t o d e t e r m i n e h o w t h e y t r e a t t h e i r citizens, a n d s o m e have suffered e c o n o m i c sanctions in r e s p o n s e t o m a j o r h u m a n r i g h t s v i o l a t i o n s , a s was t h e c a s e w i t h t h e a p a r t h e i d system i n S o u t h Africa. I n p r e v i o u s c e n t u r i e s , t h e n o t i o n o f w a r c r i m e s was n o n e x i s t e n t . C a p t u r e d w o m e n a n d children were routinely r a p e d a n d enslaved while the disemb o w e l m e n t o f m a l e p r i s o n e r s o f w a r was ritualistic b e h a v i o r . Wars a n d war crimes persist, b u t recently we have b e g u n to raise t h e issue o f w h y h u m a n s s o f r e q u e n t l y g o t o g r e a t l e n g t h s t o kill o n e a n o t h e r w h e n a m o s t d e c e n t p e a c e w o u l d b e q u i t e feasible if we s i m p l y w o r k e d at it a little bit. We h a v e e s t a b l i s h e d trib u n a l s t o try t o p u n i s h t h o s e guilty o f w a r c r i m e s . W e also n o w debate w h e t h e r a war should be considered j u s t or unjust a n d u n n e c e s s a r y . T h a t w e e v e n r a i s e t h e s e issues i s a n i n d i c a t i o n o f h o w m u c h p o s i t i v e c h a n g e i s e m e r g i n g i n this society a n d t h r o u g h o u t the world. I t c a n b e a r g u e d t h a t o n e r e a s o n m a n y view evil a s m o r e p r e v a l e n t t h a n e v e r i s a r e s u l t o f t h e fact t h a t o u r s t a n d a r d s h a v e i m p r o v e d . In any case, t h e evidence suggests t h a t society is evolving for t h e b e t t e r over t h e l o n g h a u l . T h a t w o u l d b e im-

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p o s s i b l e i f society w e r e w h o l l y evil. T h e t r u t h i s t h a t b o t h g o o d a n d evil c o e x i s t a s f o r c e s i n this w o r l d ; t h e y always h a v e a n d always will. I r e c o g n i z e d t h a t fact l o n g a g o . B u t I find it a c t u a l l y e a s i e r t o p i n p o i n t w i t h g r e a t e r clarity w h y evil exists a n d w h e n c e it comes than to ascertain the origins of goodness in this w o r l d w i t h o u t r e f e r e n c e t o G o d . W h a t St. P a u l c a l l e d " t h e m y s t e r y o f i n i q u i t y " i s u l t i m a t e l y less m y s t e r i o u s t h a n t h e mystery of h u m a n goodness. W h i l e t h e p r e v a i l i n g J u d e o - C h r i s t i a n view is t h a t t h i s is a g o o d w o r l d s o m e h o w c o n t a m i n a t e d b y evil, a s a m o s t l y m i d d l e o f - t h e - r o a d C h r i s t i a n I p r e f e r t h e view t h a t this is a n a t u r a l l y evil w o r l d s o m e h o w c o n t a m i n a t e d b y g o o d n e s s . W e c a n l o o k a t child r e n , for e x a m p l e , a n d rejoice i n t h e i r i n n o c e n c e a n d spontaneity. B u t t h e fact i s t h a t w e a r e all b o r n liars, c h e a t s , t h i e v e s , a n d m a n i p u l a t o r s . S o it's h a r d l y r e m a r k a b l e t h a t m a n y o f u s g r o w u p t o b e a d u l t liars, c h e a t s , t h i e v e s , a n d m a n i p u l a t o r s . W h a t ' s h a r d e r to explain is why so m a n y p e o p l e grow up to be g o o d a n d h o n e s t . W h i l e c a p a b l e o f evil, i n reality h u m a n b e i n g s overall a r e often b e t t e r t h a n m i g h t b e e x p e c t e d . In my e x p e r i e n c e with t h e c o m m u n i t y - b u i l d i n g w o r k s h o p s s p o n s o r e d b y F C E , I've b e e n i m m e n s e l y i m p r e s s e d b y w h a t I've c o m e t o call " t h e r o u t i n e h e r o i s m o f h u m a n b e i n g s . " I t i s a l s o c o m m o n to discover h o w p e o p l e in tragic circumstances such a s t h e O k l a h o m a City b o m b i n g , o r i n o t h e r crisis s i t u a t i o n s , rise to the occasion. T h e r e is a b u n d a n t evidence of how people can b e i n c r e d i b l y g o o d w h e n t h e y a r e p u l l i n g t o g e t h e r . Still, m a n y t e n d t o t a k e g o o d n e s s f o r g r a n t e d . T h e r e i s a l e s s o n f o r u s all i n t h e s e w o r d s o f w i s d o m , u t t e r e d b y s o m e a n o n y m o u s s o u l : " A life o f all e a s e a n d c o m f o r t m a y n o t b e a s w o n d e r f u l a s w e t h i n k i t w o u l d be. O n l y t h r o u g h sickness do we gain g r e a t e r appreciation for g o o d h e a l t h . T h r o u g h h u n g e r w e a r e t a u g h t t o value f o o d . A n d k n o w i n g evil h e l p s u s t o a p p r e c i a t e w h a t i s g o o d . " I f t h e c o e x i s t e n c e o f g o o d a n d evil i s p a r a d o x i c a l , w e m u s t e m b r a c e t h a t p a r a d o x s o t h a t w e c a n l e a r n t o live o u r lives w i t h integrity. T h e c r u x o f i n t e g r i t y i s w h o l e n e s s . A n d t h r o u g h w h o l e ness as h u m a n beings we can practice the p a r a d o x of liberation a n d celebration. Liberation theology proclaims that Christians

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a r e c a l l e d t o p l a y a n active r o l e i n d o i n g b a t t l e w i t h t h e s y s t e m i c sins a n d evils o f s o c i e t y — c a l l e d t o t a k e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r libera t i n g p e o p l e f r o m t h e b u r d e n s o f poverty a n d o p p r e s s i o n . Cele b r a t i o n theology has historically e n c o u r a g e d a focus on a n d celebration of the goodness a n d beauty f o u n d in the world. I n h i s b o o k Christian Wholeness, T o m L a n g f o r d p r o b e s t h e m a n y p a r a d o x e s that Christians m u s t e m b r a c e in o r d e r to be realistic a n d w h o l e p e o p l e , a m o n g w h i c h t h e p a r a d o x o f c e l e b r a tion a n d liberation is b u t o n e . As Langford points out, people w h o f o c u s exclusively o n l i b e r a t i o n b e c o m e f a n a t i c a n d g l u m , w h i l e t h o s e w h o f o c u s o n l y o n c e l e b r a t i o n will b e frothy, s u p e r ficial, a n d g l i b . O n c e a g a i n , w e a r e c a l l e d t o i n t e g r a t i o n . S t r i v i n g for w h o l e n e s s m a k e s it necessary for us to continually acknowle d g e a n d d o b a t t l e w i t h t h e f o r c e s o f evil. A t t h e s a m e t i m e , w e m u s t r e m a i n conscious of a n d d e e p l y grateful for t h e forces of good. I n t h e b a t t l e b e t w e e n g o o d a n d evil, w e m u s t b e o p e n t o s t r u g g l i n g t h r o u g h o u t o u r lives. W h i l e t h e r e i s r e a s o n t o b e p e s simistic, t h e r e also i s s t r o n g r e a s o n t o b e l i e v e t h a t e a c h o f u s can have some impact, however minuscule it may seem, on w h e t h e r t h e w o r l d tilts t o w a r d c h a n g e f o r g o o d o r ill. I n a r e m a r k a t t r i b u t e d t o E d m u n d B u r k e , w e h a v e t h e basis f o r d e t e r m i n i n g w h i c h o f t h e t w o f o r c e s will u l t i m a t e l y w i n t h e day: " T h e o n l y t h i n g n e c e s s a r y f o r t h e t r i u m p h o f evil i s f o r g o o d m e n [and women, I must add] to do nothing."

T H E PARADOX OF H U M A N NATURE T h e p a r a d o x o f g o o d a n d evil i s e s s e n t i a l l y i n h e r e n t i n h u m a n n a t u r e . I h a v e a l r e a d y s p o k e n a b o u t " o r i g i n a l sin." T o b a l a n c e o u t t h e p a r a d o x , I n e e d t o talk a b o u t w h a t M a t t h e w F o x h a s c a l l e d " o r i g i n a l b l e s s i n g . " I t is, t o p u t i t q u i t e simply, o u r c a p a c ity to c h a n g e . If, as I h a v e said, we a r e all b o r n liars, c h e a t s , thieves, a n d m a n i p u l a t o r s , to b e h a v e otherwise as adults w o u l d s e e m t o b e c o n t r a r y t o h u m a n n a t u r e . B u t w e h a v e t h e ability t o alter h u m a n n a t u r e — i f w e c h o o s e t o d o so.

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W h e n e v e r s o m e o n e i s b o l d e n o u g h t o ask m e , "Dr. P e c k , w h a t i s h u m a n n a t u r e ? " m y first a n s w e r i s likely t o b e " H u m a n nature is to go to the b a t h r o o m in your pants." T h a t , after all, i s t h e way e a c h o f u s s t a r t e d o u t : d o i n g w h a t c a m e n a t u r a l l y , l e t t i n g g o w h e n e v e r w e felt like it. B u t t h e n w h a t h a p p e n e d t o us, w h e n w e w e r e a b o u t two, i s t h a t o u r m o t h e r s ( o r f a t h e r s ) b e g a n t e l l i n g u s , ' Y o u ' r e a r e a l l y n i c e k i d a n d I like y o u a lot, b u t I ' d s o r t o f a p p r e c i a t e i t i f y o u ' d c l e a n u p y o u r act." Now, t h i s r e q u e s t initially m a k e s n o s e n s e w h a t s o e v e r t o t h e child. W h a t m a k e s sense is to let go w h e n t h e u r g e hits, a n d t h e r e s u l t s always s e e m i n t e r e s t i n g . T o t h e c h i l d , k e e p i n g a t i g h t fanny a n d s o m e h o w getting to t h e toilet j u s t in time to see this i n t e r e s t i n g stuff f l u s h e d away i s totally u n n a t u r a l . But if t h e r e is a g o o d relationship b e t w e e n the child a n d the parent, a n d if the parent is not too impatient or overcont r o l l i n g ( a n d u n f o r t u n a t e l y , t h e s e f a v o r a b l e c o n d i t i o n s a r e oft e n n o t m e t , w h i c h is t h e m a j o r r e a s o n t h a t we psychiatrists a r e so interested in toilet training), t h e n s o m e t h i n g quite w o n d e r ful h a p p e n s . T h e c h i l d says t o himself: ' Y o u k n o w , M o m m y ' s a n i c e o l d gal, a n d s h e ' s b e e n awfully g o o d t o m e t h e s e last c o u p l e o f y e a r s . I ' d like t o p a y h e r b a c k i n s o m e way, give h e r a p r e s e n t o f s o m e k i n d . B u t I ' m j u s t a p u n y , h e l p l e s s little twoy e a r - o l d . W h a t p r e s e n t c o u l d I possibly b e a b l e t o give h e r t h a t s h e m i g h t w a n t o r n e e d — e x c e p t this o n e crazy t h i n g ? " S o w h a t h a p p e n s t h e n i s t h a t a s a gift o f love t o t h e m o t h e r , the child begins to do the profoundly unnatural: to hold that fanny tight a n d m a k e it to t h e toilet on time. A n d by t h e time t h a t s a m e c h i l d i s f o u r o r f i v e , i t h a s c o m e t o feel p r o f o u n d l y n a t u r a l t o g o t o t h e b a t h r o o m i n t h e toilet. W h e n , o n t h e o t h e r h a n d , i n a m o m e n t o f stress o r f a t i g u e , h e f o r g e t s a n d h a s a n " a c c i d e n t , " t h e c h i l d feels v e r y u n n a t u r a l a b o u t t h e w h o l e m e s s y b u s i n e s s . W h a t h a s o c c u r r e d , i n t h e s p a c e o f two o r t h r e e s h o r t y e a r s , i s t h a t o u t o f love, t h e c h i l d h a s s u c c e e d e d i n c h a n g i n g his n a t u r e . This capacity we have b e e n given to c h a n g e — t h i s original b l e s s i n g , t h e ability t o t r a n s f o r m o u r s e l v e s — i s s o e x t r a o r d i n a r y that at o t h e r times w h e n I am asked, "What is h u m a n n a t u r e ? " I

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facetiously r e s p o n d t h a t t h e r e is no such t h i n g . F o r w h a t distinguishes us h u m a n s most from the o t h e r creatures is n o t o u r opposable t h u m b or o u r magnificent larynx or o u r h u g e cerebral c o r t e x ; i t i s o u r relative l a c k o f i n s t i n c t s , t h o s e i n h e r i t e d , p r e f o r m e d p a t t e r n s o f b e h a v i o r t h a t , a s far a s w e c a n a s c e r t a i n , give the o t h e r creatures a m u c h m o r e fixed a n d p r e d e t e r m i n e d nature than we have as h u m a n s . In other words, h u m a n beings are e n d o w e d with access to a m u c h wider r a n g e of o p t i o n s — s o cially, psychologically, a n d p h y s i c a l l y — t h a t give u s flexibility i n r e s p o n d i n g a n d h a n d l i n g a variety o f c i r c u m s t a n c e s a n d situations. M u c h o f m y life I h a v e b e e n i n v o l v e d i n p e a c e m a k i n g activities. T h o s e w h o b e l i e v e t h a t a w o r l d o f p e a c e i s a n i m p o s s i bility g e n e r a l l y r e f e r t o t h e m s e l v e s a s realists. T h e y h a v e referred to me as an idealist—or, m o r e frequently, as an emptyh e a d e d i d e a l i s t o r a f u z z y - h e a d e d idealist. A n d t h e y h a v e b e e n right to a certain e x t e n t — n o t , I h o p e , a b o u t t h e empty- or fuzzy-headedness, b u t a b o u t the idealism. I would define an idealist as o n e w h o believes in t h e capacity for t r a n s f o r m a t i o n of h u m a n n a t u r e . I am not, however, a r o m a n t i c . I would define a r o m a n t i c as o n e w h o n o t only believes in t h e capacity for t r a n s f o r m a t i o n o f h u m a n n a t u r e b u t also b e l i e v e s i t o u g h t t o b e easy. R o m a n t i c s g r a v i t a t e t o s i m p l i s t i c f o r m u l a s s u c h a s " L o v e c o n q u e r s all." I n m y w o r k a s a p s y c h i a t r i s t i t g r a d u a l l y b e c a m e c l e a r t o m e t h a t m a n y w o u l d n o t c h a n g e a n d g r o w d e s p i t e all t h e love i n t h e w o r l d . C h a n g i n g h u m a n n a t u r e i s n ' t easy. B u t i t is p o s s i b l e . T h e r e a r e p r o f o u n d r e a s o n s w h y i t i s n ' t easy. W h a t w e call p e r s o n a l i t y c a n b e s t b e d e f i n e d a s a consistent p a t t e r n o f o r g a n i zation of psychic e l e m e n t s — a c o m b i n a t i o n of t h i n k i n g a n d behavior. " C o n s i s t e n t " is t h e key w o r d in this d e f i n i t i o n . T h e r e is a consistency to t h e personality of individuals—and to t h e "personality" of cultures or n a t i o n s as well—a consistency t h a t has b o t h a d a r k side a n d a light side, a g o o d a n d a bad. F o r i n s t a n c e , w h e n I was still i n p r a c t i c e a n d n e w p a t i e n t s c a m e t o s e e m e , t h e y w o u l d b e likely t o f i n d m e d r e s s e d i n a n o p e n - c o l l a r e d shirt, a c o m f o r t a b l e sweater, a n d p e r h a p s e v e n

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slippers. If they c a m e back to see me a s e c o n d time a n d f o u n d m e i n a tie a n d b u s i n e s s suit, r e a d y t o l e a v e f o r a s p e a k i n g e n g a g e m e n t , t h a t w o u l d p r o b a b l y b e all r i g h t . I f t h e y w e r e t o c o m e b a c k a t h i r d t i m e , h o w e v e r , a n d f o u n d m e i n a l o n g , flowing blue robe, wearing jewelry a n d blowing a joint, chances are they w o u l d n ' t c o m e back to see me a fourth time. O n e of t h e r e a s o n s t h a t m a n y d i d k e e p r e t u r n i n g f o r m y services was t h a t I was p r e t t y m u c h t h e s a m e o l d Scotty every t i m e t h e y c a m e . T h e r e was a c o n s i s t e n c y i n m y p e r s o n a l i t y t h a t a l l o w e d t h e m t o k n o w w h e r e t h e y s t o o d . I t gave t h e m s o m e t h i n g t o " h a n g t h e i r hats on." We n e e d a certain a m o u n t of consistency—a degree of p r e d i c t a b i l i t y — i n o u r p e r s o n a l i t i e s s o t h a t w e c a n f u n c t i o n effectively i n t h e w o r l d a s t r u s t w o r t h y h u m a n b e i n g s . T h e d a r k s i d e o f t h a t c o n s i s t e n c y , h o w e v e r , i s w h a t w e psyc h o t h e r a p i s t s call r e s i s t a n c e . T h e p e r s o n a l i t y — w h e t h e r t h a t o f a n i n d i v i d u a l o r a n a t i o n — i n h e r e n t l y resists c h a n g e . C h a n g e i s t h r e a t e n i n g , even w h e n it m a y be for t h e better. Most patients c o m e t o p s y c h o t h e r a p y a s k i n g t o c h a n g e o n e way o r a n o t h e r . But from t h e m o m e n t therapy begins, they start acting as if c h a n g e w e r e t h e last t h i n g t h a t t h e y w a n t t o d o , a n d t h e y will often fight against it t o o t h a n d nail. Psychotherapy, d e s i g n e d to l i b e r a t e , s h i n e s t h e l i g h t o f t r u t h u p o n o u r selves. T h e a d a g e " T h e t r u t h will s e t y o u f r e e , b u t f i r s t i t will m a k e y o u d a m n m a d " reflects t h e r e s i s t a n c e o f o u r h u m a n n a t u r e t o c h a n g e . I t i s clearly n o t easy f o r u s t o c h a n g e . B u t i t i s p o s s i b l e — a n d t h a t i s o u r glory as h u m a n beings. O u r n a t u r a l r e s i s t a n c e t o c h a n g e — a r e s u l t o f o u r laziness, fear, o r n a r c i s s i s m — i s w h a t i s m e a n t , I b e l i e v e , b y " o r i g i n a l sin." A t t h e very s a m e t i m e , t h e m o s t d i s t i n g u i s h i n g f e a t u r e o f o u r h u m a n n a t u r e — o u r "original blessing"—is o u r capacity t o c h a n g e i f w e s o d e s i r e . G i v e n f r e e will, i t i s o u r i n d i v i d u a l c h o i c e w h e t h e r t o give i n t o o u r o r i g i n a l sin, resist c h a n g e , s t a g n a t e , a n d e v e n d e t e r i o r a t e , o r t o w o r k o n o u r i n d i v i d u a l a s well a s societal t r a n s f o r m a t i o n . I t w o u l d b e p o i n t l e s s t o w o r k f o r s o c i e t a l b e t t e r m e n t i f p e o p l e c o u l d n o t c h a n g e . Yet p e o p l e a r e f r e e n o t to c h a n g e . This conflict b e t w e e n t h e inertia of n o t c h a n g i n g a n d t h e effort o f c h a n g i n g was s u m m e d u p b y a v e r y e a r l y C h r i s -

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tian t h e o l o g i a n , O r i g e n , w h o said, " T h e Spirit stands for p r o g r e s s , a n d evil, b y d e f i n i t i o n t h e n , i s t h a t w h i c h r e f u s e s progress."

T H E PARADOX OF ENTITLEMENT I have already explored an aspect of "criminal thinking" known as the psychology of entitlement. Many p e o p l e — w h e t h e r they are rich or p o o r — t e n d to believe they are entitled to s o m e t h i n g for n o t h i n g , or to b e h a v e as if t h e world owes t h e m r a t h e r t h a n t h e o t h e r way a r o u n d . S o m e feel e n t i t l e d o n t h e basis o f a superiority c o m p l e x , while for o t h e r s t h e sense of e n t i t l e m e n t a r i s e s f r o m a n i n f e r i o r i t y c o m p l e x . T h e l a t t e r s e e m t o feel t h e y h a v e n o r e s p o n s i b i l i t y for t h e i r o w n l o t i n life. T h e f o r m e r b e l i e v e t h e y a r e d u e all t h e i r " s u c c e s s , " e v e n a t t h e e x p e n s e o f o t h e r s , w h o m t h e y s e e a s less d e s e r v i n g t h a n they, o f t e n f o r i r r e l e v a n t a n d insignificant reasons. T h e r e are n u m e r o u s reasons b e h i n d this seemingly pervasive a t t i t u d e of e n t i t l e m e n t . In In Search of Stones, I cite o n e s u c h particularly American reason. It is the notion p u t forth by the D e c l a r a t i o n o f I n d e p e n d e n c e : "We h o l d t h e s e t r u t h s t o b e selfe v i d e n t , t h a t all m e n a r e c r e a t e d e q u a l , t h a t t h e y a r e e n d o w e d by their C r e a t o r with certain u n a l i e n a b l e Rights, t h a t a m o n g t h e s e a r e Life, L i b e r t y a n d t h e p u r s u i t o f H a p p i n e s s . " I b e l i e v e these words are, paradoxically, p e r h a p s t h e m o s t p r o f o u n d a n d t h e silliest w o r d s e v e r w r i t t e n . T h e y c o n s t i t u t e a m a g n i f i c e n t a n d h o l y v i si o n t h a t a c c u r a t e l y c a p t u r e s t h e e s s e n c e o f t h e h u m a n condition. At the same time, they are horribly misleading. W e a r e all e q u a l i n t h e s i g h t o f G o d . B e y o n d t h a t , h o w e v e r , w e a r e u t t e r l y u n e q u a l . W e h a v e d i f f e r e n t gifts a n d liabilities, d i f f e r e n t g e n e s , d i f f e r e n t l a n g u a g e s a n d c u l t u r e s , d i f f e r e n t valu e s a n d styles o f t h i n k i n g , d i f f e r e n t p e r s o n a l h i s t o r i e s , d i f f e r e n t levels o f c o m p e t e n c e , a n d o n a n d o n . I n d e e d , h u m a n i t y m i g h t b e p r o p e r l y l a b e l e d t h e u n e q u a l species. W h a t m o s t disting u i s h e s u s f r o m all t h e o t h e r c r e a t u r e s i s o u r e x t r a o r d i n a r y diversity a n d t h e variability o f o u r b e h a v i o r . E q u a l ? I n t h e m o r a l

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s p h e r e a l o n e we r a n g e from t h e d e m o n i c to t h e gloriously angelic. T h e false n o t i o n o f o u r e q u a l i t y p r o p e l s u s i n t o t h e p r e tense of p s e u d o c o m m u n i t y — t h e notion that everyone is the s a m e — a n d w h e n t h e p r e t e n s e fails, a s i t m u s t i f w e a c t w i t h a n y intimacy or authenticity, it propels us to a t t e m p t to achieve e q u a l i t y b y f o r c e : t h e f o r c e o f g e n t l e p e r s u a s i o n f o l l o w e d b y less a n d less g e n t l e p e r s u a s i o n . W e totally m i s i n t e r p r e t o u r task. Society's task i s n o t t o e s t a b l i s h equality. I t i s t o d e v e l o p s y s t e m s that deal h u m a n e l y with o u r inequality—systems that, within r e a s o n , c e l e b r a t e a n d e n c o u r a g e diversity. T h e c o n c e p t of h u m a n rights is central to the d e v e l o p m e n t o f s u c h systems; I w h o l e h e a r t e d l y a p p l a u d t h e Bill o f R i g h t s a p p e n d e d t o t h e U . S . C o n s t i t u t i o n a n d , g e n e r a l l y , its i n t e r p r e t a tion by t h e courts. I am m u c h m o r e d u b i o u s , however, a b o u t the sweeping rights claimed by the Declaration of I n d e p e n d e n c e : t h e r i g h t s t o life, liberty, a n d t h e p u r s u i t o f h a p p i n e s s . A s I a p p r o a c h s e r i o u s o l d a g e , for i n s t a n c e , I a m i n c r e a s i n g l y d u b i o u s a b o u t m y r i g h t t o life i n c e r t a i n r e s p e c t s . A s a n a u t h o r a n d t e a c h e r , I m u s t q u e s t i o n m y l i b e r t y t o lie o r e v e n s u b t l y distort. As a psychiatrist a n d t h e o l o g i a n , k n o w i n g h a p p i n e s s to be e i t h e r a s i d e effect o f s o m e d e e p e r p u r s u i t o r else t h e r e s u l t o f s e l f - d e l u s i o n , I ' m n o t s u r e h o w w o r t h y a p u r s u i t h a p p i n e s s is. M y still l a r g e r p r o b l e m i s w i t h t h e a g g r e g a t e o f t h e s e r i g h t s . A d d t h e r i g h t s o f life, liberty, a n d t h e p u r s u i t o f h a p p i n e s s t o g e t h e r a n d it s o u n d s as if we have a right to p e a c e — a s if we are entitled to peace. A g a i n , this p r e s e n t s a p a r a d o x . O n e s i d e o f t h e p a r a d o x i s t h a t p e a c e is a t r u l y p r o p e r h u m a n a s p i r a t i o n . T h e r e is a differe n c e b e t w e e n lethal a n d n o n l e t h a l conflict, however. W e n e e d t h e latter. I f m a n a g e d p r o p e r l y i t a c t u a l l y t e n d s t o p r o m o t e h u m a n dignity. D e s p i t e its s u p p o s e d g l o r i e s , w a r g e n e r a l l y d e stroys o u r dignity. I f w e d e f i n e p e a c e a s t h e a b s e n c e o f o u t r i g h t war, i t i s i n d e e d n o b l e t o a s p i r e t o it, a n d w e c a n n o t a s p i r e t o s o m e t h i n g w e feel w e d o n ' t d e s e r v e . I n this s e n s e w e s h o u l d r e g a r d p e a c e as a right. T h e o t h e r side of t h e p a r a d o x is t h a t we h a v e n o r i g h t t o d e s e r v e p e a c e w i t h o u t w o r k i n g f o r it. All t h a t I

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have ever said a b o u t community, a n d everything we k n o w a b o u t peace, indicates that we have no reason whatsoever to expect it effortlessly, o r t o e x p e c t t h a t o n c e w e h a v e , t h r o u g h sacrifice, w o n p e a c e , i t will stay a r o u n d f o r l o n g w i t h o u t o u r h a v i n g t o lift a finger a g a i n . P e r h a p s n o pitfall i s m o r e d a n g e r o u s t h a n t h e a s s u m p t i o n t h a t w e a r e e n t i t l e d t o p e a c e . O n e way this n o t i o n o f e n t i t l e m e n t t o p e a c e w o r k s itself o u t i s t h e a s s u m p t i o n o f vast n u m b e r s o f A m e r i c a n s t h a t all c o n f l i c t s c a n b e p e a c e f u l l y r e s o l v e d . T h a t i s n a i v e . Yet m a n y o t h e r s o p e r a t e o u t o f t h e o p p o s i t e ass u m p t i o n , that n o conflict can b e resolved e x c e p t t h r o u g h f o r c e — t h r o u g h v i o l e n c e o r t h e t h r e a t o f it. T h i s a s s u m p t i o n i s cynical a n d self-fulfilling. T h e p a r a d o x i c a l reality a t this p o i n t i n h u m a n e v o l u t i o n i s t h a t s o m e w a r s a r e u n a v o i d a b l e o r "just," a n d s o m e are unjust, unnecessary, a n d waged at horrifying cost o u t o f s h e e r laziness a n d stupidity. A l t h o u g h I've b e e n s p e a k i n g o f p e a c e b e t w e e n p e o p l e , t h e s a m e p a r a d o x i c a l principles h o l d t r u e for achieving t h a t m u c h yearned-for condition called i n n e r peace. A l t h o u g h we have t h e r i g h t t o d e s i r e it, w e a r e n o m o r e e n t i t l e d t o i n n e r p e a c e t h a n t o o u t e r p e a c e . Yet m a n y p r o t e s t i n d i g n a n t l y w h e n life itself i n t e r r u p t s t h e h a p p i n e s s o r s e r e n i t y t h e y h a v e c o m e t o s e e as an e n t i t l e m e n t . Moreover, in o r d e r to possess i n n e r p e a c e we a r e f r e q u e n t l y r e q u i r e d t o first b e w i l l i n g t o f o r s a k e it. O n l y t h o s e w h o c a n c o n s t a n t l y lie t o t h e m s e l v e s w i t h o u t q u a l m s h a v e u n q u a l i f i e d p e a c e o f m i n d . B u t i f w e d o n o t w a n t t o b e selfb r a i n - d a m a g e d i n this m a n n e r , w e n e e d t o r e m e m b e r t h a t t h e r e i s s o m e t h i n g far m o r e i m p o r t a n t t h a n i n n e r p e a c e : integrity. I n t e g r i t y r e q u i r e s , a m o n g o t h e r t h i n g s , t h e w i l l i n g n e s s to e n d u r e discomfort for t h e sake of truth. T o r e m e m b e r this, i t h e l p s m e t o t h i n k a b o u t J e s u s , w h o s o o f t e n felt f r u s t r a t e d , a n g r y , f r i g h t e n e d , lonely, s a d , a n d d e p r e s s e d — a m a n w h o clearly d e s i r e d p o p u l a r i t y b u t w o u l d n o t sell o u t f o r i t a n d w h o t a u g h t u s t h a t life i s s o m e t h i n g m o r e than a popularity contest; a m a n w h o did n o t seem to have m u c h "inner peace" as the world is accustomed to imagining it to be, yet w h o has b e e n called t h e Prince of Peace. We m u s t be

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a w a r e t h a t t h e r e i s a false k i n d o f p e a c e o f m i n d t h a t d e r i v e s from b e i n g o u t of t o u c h with ourselves. T r u e i n n e r p e a c e req u i r e s us to be i n t i m a t e with every facet of ourselves—to be n o t o n l y i n v e s t e d i n o u r r i g h t s b u t also c o n c e r n e d a b o u t o u r r e sponsibilities.

T H E PARADOX OF RESPONSIBILITY As c i t i z e n s , we a r e a f f e c t e d by a variety of issues at t h e l o c a l , s t a t e , a n d n a t i o n a l levels. D e p e n d i n g o n t h e i m p a c t o f t h e s e iss u e s o n o u r daily lives a n d t h e lives o f o t h e r s , d i f f e r e n t r o l e s a n d responsibilities may be r e q u i r e d of us. S o m e a t t e m p t to m e e t this c h a l l e n g e — t o m a k e a difference—by diligently v o t i n g in every local a n d n a t i o n a l election. O t h e r s c h o o s e t h e r o u t e of p a r t i c i p a t i n g i n c o m m u n i t y o r g a n i z a t i o n s ' efforts t o h e l p t h o s e i n n e e d . Still o t h e r s m a k e f i n a n c i a l c o n t r i b u t i o n s t o s u p p o r t c a u s e s o f i n t e r e s t a n d c o n c e r n t o t h e m . B u t m a n y resist t a k i n g any k i n d of responsibility. T h e y find it easier instead to look to o t h e r s t o b e t h e m e s s i a h s t o solve all t h e w o r l d ' s p r o b l e m s . R a t h e r t h a n t a k e a n y active r o l e i n g a i n i n g a n d m a i n t a i n i n g c e r t a i n r i g h t s , t h e y feel n o r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r m a k i n g c l e a r c h o i c e s a b o u t t h e quality of their citizenship. T h e y may be able to claim t h e y a r e d o i n g n o h a r m t o society, b u t t h e s a y i n g ( a t t r i b u t e d t o E l d r i d g e Cleaver, d u r i n g t h e 1960s) i s t r u e : "If y o u a r e n o t p a r t of the solution, t h e n you are part of the problem." T h e p a r a d o x i s t h a t w e a r e r e s p o n s i b l e for e v e r y t h i n g a n d at t h e s a m e time we c a n n o t be responsible for everything. T h e a n s w e r t o t h i s — a n d t o all p a r a d o x e s — i s n o t t o r u n w i t h o n l y o n e side o f t h e e q u a t i o n b u t t o e m b r a c e b o t h sides o f t h e t r u t h . T h e writer William Faulkner, in a s p e e c h m a d e w h e n his d a u g h t e r Jill g r a d u a t e d f r o m h i g h s c h o o l , said: " N e v e r b e a f r a i d t o raise y o u r voice for h o n e s t y a n d t r u t h a n d c o m p a s s i o n against i n j u s t i c e a n d lying a n d g r e e d . I f p e o p l e all o v e r t h e w o r l d , i n t h o u s a n d s o f r o o m s like t h i s o n e , w o u l d d o this, i t w o u l d c h a n g e the earth." An u n k n o w n seamstress at a Montgomery, Alabama, depart-

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m e n t store in 1955, Rosa Parks h e l p e d c h a n g e o u r n a t i o n w h e n h e r refusal t o yield h e r b u s s e a t t o a w h i t e m a n t r i g g e r e d a b u s b o y c o t t t h a t l a s t e d 3 8 1 days. H e r f e e t t i r e d , a n d h e r d i g n i t y r e p e a t e d l y t e s t e d , t h i s forty-two-year-old b l a c k w o m a n was arrested a n d subsequently fired from h e r j o b . H e r simple action—and subsequent actions on the parts of m a n y o t h e r s — s p u r r e d a m o v e m e n t that led to t r e m e n d o u s legal r e f o r m in this c o u n t r y . N o t everyone can have the impact of a Rosa Parks, b u t we e a c h c a n t a k e a s t a n d i n t h e s t r u g g l e a g a i n s t all k i n d s o f evil i n o u r w o r l d . I n d e e d , t h e b a t t l e a g a i n s t evil b e g i n s a t h o m e . W e m u s t d e a l w i t h o u r s e l v e s a n d o u r f a m i l i e s first, a n d w o r k t o c r e a t e h e a l t h i e r c o m m u n i c a t i o n a n d i n t e r a c t i o n s . " T h i n k globally, a c t locally" is a g o o d g u i d e l i n e . Given geographical a n d o t h e r limitations that t h e average c i t i z e n faces, a c t i n g locally m a y b e t h e o n l y v i a b l e way t o m a k e a difference. But that does n o t m e a n o u r thinking m u s t b e res t r i c t e d t o t h a t w h i c h i s c l o s e t o h o m e . W e always h a v e t h e o p t i o n t o t h i n k g l o b a l l y o n m a n y issues. I c a n , i f I c h o o s e t o , b e c o n c e r n e d only a b o u t t h e cost of m e d i c a l care in t h e U n i t e d S t a t e s , s i m p l y b e c a u s e it affects m e . B u t s i n c e I am a c i t i z e n of t h e w o r l d , I c a n n o t c l o s e m y eyes t o e v e n t s i n t h e r e s t o f t h e w o r l d . I h a v e a r e s p o n s i b i l i t y t o t h i n k a b o u t t h e civil w a r s a n d the genocide a n d other war crimes now r a m p a n t in Rwanda, Yugoslavia, a n d o t h e r p a r t s o f t h e w o r l d . Still, I h a v e n o t t a k e n the time to study these places as deeply as I studied the Vietnam War. W i t h v a r i o u s d e m a n d s a l r e a d y i n m y life, m y p l a t e i s alr e a d y t o o full. N o o n e c a n s t u d y e v e r y t h i n g o r t a k e a c t i o n a n d responsibility for everything w i t h o u t ultimately setting himself up for r e s i d e n c e in a m e n t a l institution. Yet i t i s n o t always e n o u g h t o b e c o n c e r n e d o n l y w i t h m a t t e r s t h a t d i r e c t l y affect o u r s e l v e s . B e y o n d o u r o w n r i g h t s a n d s t a n d i n g u p f o r o u r p e r s o n h o o d , w e n e e d s o m e t i m e s t o b e willing to take a stand on behalf of others, even w h e n there seems no direct benefit to ourselves. S o m e t i m e s we m u s t be willing to d o s o a t o u r o w n risk. T h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r d i s c e r n i n g w h e n t o go o u t on a limb is a choice that each individual m u s t m a k e , de-

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p e n d i n g o n w h a t h e o r s h e i s willing t o give u p o r l o s e f o r t h e sake of s t a n d i n g for s o m e t h i n g . T h e r e are times w h e n we are truly in a b i n d a b o u t exactly w h e r e t o d r a w l i n e s o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y . I n s u c h cases, w e n e e d t o d o t h e best w e can a n d t h e n simply c o n c e d e t h e rest t o uncertainty. W e will n o t always k n o w f o r s u r e w h e t h e r w e c o u l d h a v e d o n e m o r e — w h e t h e r we should have spoken up when we h e a r d a racial s l u r o r i n t e r v e n e d w h e n w e h e a r d a n e i g h b o r verbally a b u s i n g his wife. I n t h e face o f c o m p l e x a n d o v e r w h e l m i n g social r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s , w e m u s t r e m e m b e r t h a t i f w e b e c o m e g r i p p e d b y d e s p a i r a n d b u r n o u t , w e will b e u s e l e s s n o t o n l y t o o u r s e l v e s b u t also t o o t h e r s . I am r e m i n d e d of an FCE C o m m u n i t y Building Workshop d u r i n g which a white male m e m b e r of the g r o u p sent a note to a b l a c k w o m a n w h o was s p e a k i n g o f t h e s e n s e o f a g o n i z i n g r e s p o n s i b i l i t y s h e felt for p r o m o t i n g a p o s i t i v e i m a g e o f h e r r a c e . I t was a s i f s h e h a d t a k e n t h e w e i g h t o f t h e e n t i r e w o r l d o n h e r s h o u l d e r s . T h e n o t e r e a d : " D o n o t feel totally, p e r s o n a l l y , irrevocably responsible for everything. That's my j o b . " T h e kicker is t h a t t h e n o t e was s i g n e d " G o d . " I n o t h e r w o r d s , t h e r e a r e t i m e s in o u r lives—and in the world at large—when the most appropriate thing to do may be to temporarily, as the Alcoholics A n o n y m o u s s a y i n g g o e s , "let g o a n d l e t G o d . " W h i l e w e all c a n d e c i d e t o d o s o m e t h i n g t o h e l p o u r i m m e d i a t e families a n d c o m m u n i t i e s , I c a n n o t tell a n y b o d y specifically w h a t i t i s h e o r s h e s h o u l d d o . S i n c e w e c a n n o t b e i n v o l v e d i n e v e r y t h i n g , w e m u s t b e selective a b o u t o u r level o f a c t i o n . F o r this w e m u s t d i s c e r n o u r c a l l i n g . A n d h o w G o d calls o n e p e r s o n will n o t b e t h e way H e o r S h e calls a n o t h e r . I d o n ' t consider any calling m o r e n o b l e t h a n that of w o r k i n g with t h e p o o r . Yet i t h a s b e c o m e c l e a r t o m e o v e r m a n y y e a r s t h a t , m u c h as I w a n t e d to be n o b l e , I do n o t s e e m to have a calling to do h a n d s - o n work with t h e poor. N e v e r was this m a d e m o r e c l e a r t o m e t h a n a d e c a d e a g o w h e n Lily a n d I w e r e a s k e d t o d o a w e e k o f v o l u n t e e r w o r k w i t h t h e C h u r c h o f t h e Savior i n W a s h i n g t o n , D . C . , p a r t o f w h o s e m i n i s t r y was d i r e c t e d t o t h e p e o p l e i n p o w e r i n o u r f e d e r a l gov-

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e r n m e n t . D u r i n g that week, we h o p e d that we m i g h t have the o p p o r t u n i t y t o m e e t briefly w i t h G o r d o n Cosby, t h e d y n a m i c f o u n d e r o f t h e c h u r c h , w h o s e p r i m a r y m i n i s t r y was t o t h e i n n e r city p o o r o f W a s h i n g t o n . O u r last d a y t h e r e b e g a n w i t h a m e e t i n g at t h e W o r l d B a n k at seven-thirty in t h e m o r n i n g ; t h e r e followed n u m e r o u s a p p o i n t m e n t s with various U.S. r e p r e s e n t a tives a n d s e n a t o r s , a m e e t i n g w i t h t h e o r g a n i z e r s o f p r a y e r breakfasts, a n d m a n y additional a p p o i n t m e n t s with congressp e o p l e i n t h e a f t e r n o o n . B y six o ' c l o c k t h a t e v e n i n g , w e w e r e u t terly s t r u n g o u t a n d e x h a u s t e d . T h e n w e w e r e i n f o r m e d t h a t w e c o u l d m e e t C o s b y a t o n e o f t h e c h u r c h ' s g h e t t o c e n t e r s . Lily a n d I arrived for t h e m e e t i n g a n d w e r e u s h e r e d downstairs to a b a s e m e n t r o o m j a m m e d with several h u n d r e d h o m e l e s s p e o p l e w h o w e r e e a t i n g off t i n trays w h i l e a r o c k b a n d p l a y e d o n a tiny s t a g e . T h e n o i s e was d e a f e n i n g . C o s b y h o s p i t a b l y s u g g e s t e d t h a t w e g r a b a t i n tray o f f o o d a n d sit d o w n b e s i d e h i m . I a s k e d i f w e c o u l d talk s o m e p l a c e q u i e t , o u t s i d e t h e d i n i n g h a l l . H e o b l i g e d . W h e n we finally m e t f o r a few m i n u t e s in a q u i e t r o o m , it was a p e r s o n a l m o m e n t o f crisis f o r m e . " N o o n e c o u l d a d m i r e t h e w o r k t h a t y o u a r e d o i n g m o r e t h a n I , G o r d o n , " I said, " p r e c i s e l y b e c a u s e I myself a m n o t u p t o it. I d o n ' t s e e m t o b e c a l l e d t o it. I wish I h a d y o u r c a l l i n g , b u t I d o n ' t . " T h i s d o e s n ' t m e a n I h a v e n ' t b e e n i n v o l v e d i n o t h e r ways working on behalf of the poor and the homeless. T h e Foundation for C o m m u n i t y E n c o u r a g e m e n t has d o n e a n e n o r m o u s a m o u n t o f w o r k i n a r e a s o f poverty. A n d I h a v e f o r t w o d e c a d e s s p o k e n o u t a g a i n s t t h e s t a t e s ' d e c i s i o n t o virtually s h u t d o w n t h e i r m e n t a l h o s p i t a l s a n d p u t t h e m a j o r i t y o f t h e i r severely a n d c h r o n i c a l l y m e n t a l l y ill p a t i e n t s o u t o n t h e s t r e e t s . A l t h o u g h this d e c i s i o n was d r e s s e d i n s w e e t w o r d s a b o u t r e s p e c t i n g t h e civil l i b e r t i e s o f t h e m e n t a l l y ill a n d t h e b e n e f i t s o f m o d e r n t r a n q u i l i z e r s , p l u s a n i c e fantasy a b o u t " c o m m u n i t y m e n t a l health centers" that would take care of these people, I knew from the b e g i n n i n g that the motives were primarily e c o n o m i c a n d c o u l d see t h e p r o b l e m of homelessness as an inevitable result o f s u c h crass e c o n o m i c s . B u t n o m a t t e r h o w o b n o x i o u s I m a d e myself (as i n m a n y o f

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m y p e a c e m a k i n g activities), p e o p l e g e n e r a l l y d i d n o t l i s t e n . I n this instance, as in o t h e r s , it h a s often s e e m e d to me t h a t my e n ergies have b e e n wasted. But for years I have b e e n c o n s o l e d by an a c c o u n t of a patient of m i n e w h o a t t e n d e d a conference at which o n e o f t h e Berrigan b r o t h e r s (who have l o n g b e e n inv o l v e d i n r a d i c a l civil d i s o b e d i e n c e o n b e h a l f o f d i s a r m a m e n t ) was s p e a k i n g . M y p a t i e n t said t h a t a t t h i s c o n f e r e n c e s o m e o n e asked Father Berrigan h o w he could continue over decades to d o his work w h e n i t s e e m e d t o have n o obvious results. H e res p o n d e d , "We d o n ' t e v e n t h i n k a b o u t r e s u l t s . I f w e d i d , w e w o u l d b e d e a d b y now. T h e results are n o t o u r c o n c e r n . W e j u s t d o w h a t w e t h i n k i s r i g h t , w h a t w e feel w e h a v e t o d o , a n d l e a v e t h e results up to God."

T H E PARADOXES OF TIME AND MONEY W e m u s t n o t o n l y c h o o s e t h e level o f o u r i n v o l v e m e n t a n d o u r responsibility as citizens b u t also c o n s i d e r t h e m a t t e r of timing. D e c i d i n g w h e n to get involved is crucial, given t h a t we c a n n e v e r d o e v e r y t h i n g w e m a y w a n t t o d o i n t h i s life, a n d g i v e n t h e reality t h a t o u r own r e s o u r c e s — o f time, energy, a n d m o n e y — a r e l i m i t e d . I o n c e m e t a w o m a n o f fifty-five w h o s e c h i l d r e n w e r e g r o w n a n d w h o was heavily i n v o l v e d i n civil diso b e d i e n c e . S h e n o t only h a d t h e time a n d energy b u t also the t o l e r a n c e f o r s u c h activism; i n fact, s h e r e g a r d e d i t a s u n p r o ductive if she d i d n ' t go to jail at least o n c e a m o n t h . B u t I d o u b t t h a t G o d i s likely t o call a n e w m o t h e r , o r a f a t h e r w h o s e i n c o m e m u s t s u p p o r t h i s family, t o g o t o j a i l for civil d i s o b e d i e n c e . A s t h e s a y i n g g o e s , t i m i n g i s e v e r y t h i n g . M a n y p e o p l e alr e a d y h a v e t h e i r h a n d s full m a k i n g a living a n d r a i s i n g t h e i r c h i l d r e n . O t h e r s m a k e a different c h o i c e . I have h e a r d of a n u m b e r o f civil activists w h o w e r e successful a s society's m o v e r s a n d shakers b u t s e e m e d t o b e failures a s p a r e n t s . A p p a r e n t l y t h e y s p e n t far m o r e t i m e o n social c a u s e s t h a n o n t h e i r o w n c h i l d r e n a n d h o m e s . Yet s o m e o f t h e s e activists w e r e o b v i o u s l y called to their work, a n d while they may have regretted n o t

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s p e n d i n g m o r e t i m e w i t h t h e i r c h i l d r e n , t h e w o r l d i s v e r y possibly b e t t e r off f o r t h e i r sacrifices. M a n y s i g n i f i c a n t c o n t r i b u t i o n s a r e m a d e t o society t h r o u g h t h e giving of time, money, or o t h e r r e s o u r c e s by strongly principled individuals w h o r e g a r d their citizenship as a responsibility. " V o l u n t e e r i s m " i s t h e w o r d w e u s e t o d e s c r i b e efforts a t trying to do g o o d in spheres b e y o n d personal e c o n o m i c interests a n d family. A s s o o n a s a p e r s o n s t a n d s u p f o r s o m e t h i n g w i t h n o e x p e c t a t i o n o f r e w a r d , h i s i n v o l v e m e n t i n a c a u s e i s essentially v o l u n t a r y . A p h i l a n t h r o p i s t v o l u n t e e r s h i s m o n e y . A t e a c h e r m a y p r o v i d e free after-school t u t o r i n g to c h i l d r e n in a p o o r n e i g h b o r h o o d . A s t u d e n t m a y assist a t a h o m e l e s s s h e l t e r . A h o m e m a k e r m a y m a k e w e e k l y visits t o s p e n d q u a l i t y t i m e w i t h l o n e l y r e s i d e n t s o f a h o m e f o r t h e elderly. D o i n g v o l u n t e e r w o r k is a c a l l i n g . It is as l e g i t i m a t e a n d as c o m p l e x a c h o i c e as a c a r e e r d e c i s i o n . I b e l i e v e t h a t m o s t p e o ple should volunteer at some time or another, a n d that the p r o c e s s a n d o u t c o m e o f d o i n g s o a r e always m u t u a l l y b e n e f i c i a l t o society a n d t o t h e i n d i v i d u a l . W h e t h e r o n e d o e s s o i n y o u t h , middle age, or old age, volunteering presents an opportunity for l e a r n i n g a n d g r o w i n g t h r o u g h service t o o t h e r s . T h e e n t h u s i a s m a n d e n e r g y o f t h e y o u n g , a n d t h e availability, e x p e r i e n c e , a n d compassion o f o l d e r p e o p l e m a k e t h e m potentially very dedicated volunteers. But the choice of volunteerism must be weighed by many factors, of which timing may be t h e m o s t crucial. In t h e succinct w o r d s o f Ecclesiastes: To every t h i n g t h e r e is a season, a n d a t i m e to every purpose u n d e r the heaven; A time to be b o r n , a n d a time to die; a time to plant, a n d a time to pluck up that which is planted; A t i m e t o kill, a n d a t i m e t o h e a l ; a t i m e t o b r e a k d o w n , a n d a time to build up; A time to w e e p , a n d a time to laugh; a time to m o u r n , a n d a time to dance; A t i m e t o cast away s t o n e s , a n d a t i m e t o g a t h e r s t o n e s t o -

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gether; a time to e m b r a c e , a n d a time to refrain from embracing; A t i m e to g e t , a n d a t i m e to l o s e ; a t i m e to k e e p , a n d a t i m e t o cast away; A t i m e t o r e n d , a n d a t i m e t o sew; a t i m e t o k e e p s i l e n c e , a n d a time to speak; A t i m e to love, a n d a t i m e to h a t e ; a time of war, a n d a time of peace. J u s t a s t i m e i s i m p o r t a n t , o t h e r r e s o u r c e s a l s o m a k e a diff e r e n c e i n o n e ' s ability t o s e r v e society. M a n y simplistically m i s c o n s t r u e activism a s a call t o r a d i c a l poverty, a n d t h u s r e j e c t it. W o r k i n g f o r t h e g o o d o f society n e e d n o t b e s y n o n y m o u s w i t h a t o t a l sacrifice o f o n e ' s c o m f o r t . S o m e y e a r s a g o I r e a d t h e p r o c e e d i n g s o f a c o n f e r e n c e o f c o m m u n i t y activists i n N o v a S c o t i a . O n e o f t h e speakers, w h o h a d s p e n t m a n y years o n t h e front l i n e s o f social a c t i o n a n d v o l u n t e e r i s m , said, " T h e g r e a t e s t c o n tribution you can make to the p o o r is by not becoming o n e of t h e m . " This s t a t e m e n t may s e e m h a r s h , b u t o u t o f m y own exp e r i e n c e i t s t r u c k m e , i n p a r t a t least, a s h a v i n g t h e r i n g o f t r u t h . F C E , f o r i n s t a n c e , h a s b e e n a b l e t o d o its p e a c e m a k i n g a n d poverty work only b e c a u s e it is a financially solvent n o n profit organization. W h i l e t h e r e ' s n o v i r t u e p e r s e i n a b j e c t poverty, t h e r e i s t h e real question of w h e t h e r great wealth simply constitutes greed. It d e p e n d s , of course, on how that m o n e y is spent. T h e r e is m o r e t h a n a grain of t r u t h in the saying t h a t m o n e y is t h e r o o t o f all evil. B u t t h e flip s i d e i s e q u a l l y c o m p e l l i n g . G i v e n t h a t c a p ital c a n a l s o b e u s e d t o d o g o o d , a m a n n a m e d L e o n a r d O r r o n c e suggested that m o n e y c a n be viewed as " G o d in circulation." But when is e n o u g h money enough? Those intent on making money, or on keeping what they have already m a d e , m i g h t b e i n c l i n e d t o a n s w e r , "Never." I n m y view, m o n e y i s t h e m e a n s t o a n e n d , n o t t h e e n d i n itself. A n d i f t h a t e n d i s t o d o g o o d , again t h e r e may never be e n o u g h money. In any case, t h e ques-

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t i o n s e l d o m arises u n l e s s t h e r e i s " n o t e n o u g h " a n d d e c i s i o n s m u s t b e m a d e c o n c e r n i n g w h a t t o d o a b o u t it. I t i s o f t e n r e c o g n i z e d t h a t m o n e y i s p e r h a p s m o r e likely t o be enslaving t h a n liberating. M o n e y is a seductive mistress. In In Search of Stones, I w r o t e t h a t I w o r r y far m o r e a b o u t m o n e y t h a n I u s e d t o w h e n w e d i d n ' t h a v e m u c h o f it. S o m e o f this w o r r y i s a p p r o p r i a t e . " A fool a n d h i s m o n e y a r e s o o n p a r t e d . " B u t I h a v e also w o r r i e d a b o u t m o n e y m o r e t h a n n e c e s s a r y , a n d i n i n a p p r o p r i a t e ways t h a t c o u l d easily b e c o m e a n o b s e s s i o n . C o u n t i n g u p t h e n u m b e r s c a n certainly h e l p relieve o u r anxie t i e s a b o u t t h e f u t u r e . B u t i t c a n a l s o l e a d t o false p r i d e a n d selfsatisfaction, as if m o n e y w e r e t h e m e a s u r e of o u r w o r t h . I a m p e r h a p s m o r e p r o n e t o this o b s e s s i o n t h a n m o s t . B o r n i n M a y 1 9 3 6 , I a m v e r y m u c h a D e p r e s s i o n baby. T h r o u g h o u t o u r P a r k A v e n u e c h i l d h o o d s , m y f a t h e r w o u l d n o t only exp o u n d t o m y b r o t h e r a n d m e , "You b o y s h a v e g o t t o l e a r n t h e v a l u e o f a d o l l a r , " b u t also r e p e a t e d l y p r o c l a i m , " W e ' r e g o i n g t o t h e p o o r h o u s e . " P a r t o f m e k n e w a t t h e t i m e t h a t this was l a u g h able. However, it sank in. As an adolescent, w h e n I took my d a t e s t o d i n n e r , I w o u l d sit i n s i l e n t a n g u i s h i f t h e y o r d e r e d anyt h i n g o t h e r t h a n o n e o f t h e l e a s t e x p e n s i v e e n t r e e s . I was a b l e t o g e t o v e r t h a t , b u t f o r m a n y y e a r s after g e t t i n g m a r r i e d a n d having children I worried we might e n d up going to the poorh o u s e . W h a t if I h a d a stroke a n d c o u l d n ' t work? W h a t if we got s u e d ? W h a t i f t h e b o t t o m fell o u t o f t h e s t o c k m a r k e t ? W h a t i f i n f l a t i o n r a n r a m p a n t ? W h a t if? W h a t if? In m a n y m i n d s , m o n e y a n d security are equivalents. But c o m p l e t e s e c u r i t y i s a n i l l u s i o n . Life i s a n i n h e r e n t l y i n s e c u r e b u s i n e s s . At a v e r y e a r l y a g e , I was g r a n t e d a r e v e l a t i o n t h a t t h e o n l y r e a l s e c u r i t y in life lies in r e l i s h i n g life's i n s e c u r i t y . I h a v e p r e a c h e d this r e v e l a t i o n e v e r s i n c e , y e t t o t h i s d a y I c o n t i n u e t o n e e d t o r e l e a r n it. M o n e y i s a k i n d o f security, a n d t h e r e c a n n e v e r b e e n o u g h — a t least, n o t w h e n w e a r e c h a s i n g after t h e ill u s i o n o f t o t a l security. I k n o w p e r f e c t l y well t h a t t h o s e v e r y w e a l t h y p e o p l e w h o n e v e r give away a n y t h i n g h a v e b e e n d a m n e d t o c h a s e after t h a t

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e m p t y illusion. I k n o w b e c a u s e a p a r t of t h e m is in m e . I m a y n o t h a v e fallen p r e y a s c o m p l e t e l y a s t h e y t o t h e i d o l a t r y o f m o n e y , b u t t h e fact r e m a i n s t h a t n o t h i n g c o n t i n u e s t o i n t e r f e r e m o r e w i t h m y p r a y e r life t h a n c o n c e r n s a b o u t m y i n c o m e , inv e s t m e n t s , a n d b o o k sales. S o m e s p i r i t u a l w r i t e r s h a v e d i a g n o s e d t h e h u m a n race as suffering from a "psychology of scarcity"; t h e y u r g e u s t o a " p s y c h o l o g y o f a b u n d a n c e " — a s e n s e t h a t t h e r e will always b e e n o u g h a n d t h a t G o d will p l e n t i f u l l y p r o v i d e . I b e l i e v e in t h i s t e a c h i n g . It's j u s t t h a t as a D e p r e s s i o n b a b y I ' m h a r d p r e s s e d t o follow it, try a s I m i g h t . W h a t truly constitutes wealth? In worldly t e r m s , it is t h e possession of m o n e y a n d valuable things. But if we were to meas u r e w e a l t h i n o t h e r ways, b e s i d e s m e r e d o l l a r s , m a n y w h o a r e p o o r i n possessions a r e spiritually rich, a n d m a n y w h o own m u c h a r e spiritually i m p o v e r i s h e d . F r o m a psychospiritual perspective, t h e truly wealthy a r e t h o s e w h o have a n o n g o i n g relat i o n s h i p with G o d a n d have l e a r n e d that by giving of themselves t h e y also r e c e i v e m u c h . W h e t h e r w e a r e b l e s s e d w i t h gifts o f t h e s p i r i t o r w o r l d l y wealth or b o t h , d e m a n d s a c c o m p a n y those blessings. We have h e a r d it said t h a t f r o m t h e o n e to w h o m m u c h is given (in t h e way o f t a l e n t , m o n e y , o r o t h e r r e s o u r c e s ) m u c h i s e x p e c t e d . T h u s , o n e o f t h e greatest d i l e m m a s for t h o s e w h o have accumulated any measure of wealth is the decision w h e t h e r — a n d to what extent—they should share that wealth to benefit others. W h e n s h o u l d t h o s e w i t h m o n e y s t a r t g i v i n g i t away? T h e r e ' s n o clear formula, of course. But w h a t is clear to me is that, as with power, t h e real p u r p o s e of having m o n e y is to s h a r e it with othe r s . T o o m u c h m o n e y , like t o o m u c h p o w e r , p o s e s a d a n g e r f o r s o c i e t y a s well a s f o r t h e i n d i v i d u a l w h o k e e p s i t f o r h i m s e l f ins t e a d of g i v i n g it away.

A PERSONAL CASE STUDY Lily a n d I d i d t r u l y e x t e n s i v e v o l u n t e e r w o r k i n o u r l a t e m i d d l e years, from roughly t h e e n d of 1984 to t h e e n d of 1995. O u r

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ability t o d e v o t e s o m u c h o f o u r t i m e a n d o t h e r r e s o u r c e s c a m e on t h e h e e l s of t h e c o m m e r c i a l s u c c e s s of The Road Less Traveled. A n d i n 1 9 8 4 , t h e s e c o n d y e a r w e e a r n e d significantly m o r e than we needed, we began looking at where we could volunteer o u r time or contribute m o n e y to an i m p o r t a n t cause. T h e cause t h a t c a p t u r e d o u r i n t e r e s t a b o v e all o t h e r s was p e a c e , a n d Lily a n d I b e g a n to talk a b o u t starting a f o u n d a t i o n of s o m e sort. F o r a few m o n t h s w e t o y e d w i t h t h e n o t i o n o f e s t a b l i s h i n g s o m e t h i n g t h a t w o u l d b r i n g t o g e t h e r t h e f i v e h u n d r e d o r s o differe n t p e a c e o r g a n i z a t i o n s . B u t t h e m o r e w e c o n s i d e r e d it, t h e m o r e likely i t s e e m e d t h a t w h a t e v e r w e m i g h t s e t u p w o u l d j u s t b e c o m e t h e 501st p e a c e g r o u p . G r a d u a l l y , w e c a m e t o r e a l i z e t h a t c o m m u n i t y m a k i n g was m o r e f u n d a m e n t a l t h a n p e a c e — t h a t , i n fact, c o m m u n i t y m a k ing m u s t p r e c e d e p e a c e . So in D e c e m b e r 1984, in c o n j u n c t i o n with n i n e o t h e r s , w e established t h e F o u n d a t i o n for C o m m u nity E n c o u r a g e m e n t . F C E i s a t a x - e x e m p t , n o n p r o f i t , p u b l i c education foundation whose mission is to teach the principles o f c o m m u n i t y — t h a t is, t h e p r i n c i p l e s o f h e a l t h y c o m m u n i c a t i o n w i t h i n a n d b e t w e e n g r o u p s . T h e s t a t e m e n t o f its f o u n d i n g vision r e a d s : T h e r e is a y e a r n i n g in the h e a r t for peace. Because of the w o u n d s — t h e rejections—we have received in past r e l a t i o n s h i p s , w e a r e f r i g h t e n e d b y t h e risks. I n o u r fear, w e d i s c o u n t t h e d r e a m o f a u t h e n t i c c o m m u n i t y a s m e r e l y visionary. B u t t h e r e a r e r u l e s b y w h i c h p e o ple can c o m e back together, by which the old wounds are healed. It is t h e mission of t h e F o u n d a t i o n for Community Encouragement to teach these rules—to m a k e h o p e r e a l a g a i n — t o m a k e t h e vision a c t u a l l y manifest in a world which has almost forgotten the glory of w h a t it m e a n s to be h u m a n . In The Different Drum ( s u b t i t l e d Community Making and Peace t o signify t h e p r o g r e s s i o n ) , I e x p o u n d e d o n t h e v a l u e o f c o m m u n i t y m a k i n g as t h e crucial p r e c u r s o r to peace. C o m m u -

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nity b u i l d i n g h e l p s r e m o v e b a r r i e r s t o c o m m u n i c a t i o n , s u c h a s t h e s m u g n e s s m a n y p e o p l e s t a r t o u t w i t h b e c a u s e o f t h e i r j o b titles, i n c o m e , d e g r e e s , a n d r e l i g i o u s , c u l t u r a l , a n d r a c i a l i d e n t i ties. W h e n t h e s e b a r r i e r s c o m e d o w n t h r o u g h t h e l e a r n i n g o f emptiness, we e x p e r i e n c e a t e m p o r a r y state of consciousness in which the m i n d is utterly o p e n a n d receptive a n d t h e r e f o r e totally a l e r t . I t i s t h r o u g h this p r o c e s s t h a t w e also a l l o w r o o m f o r h e a l i n g — a n d even miracles of a sort—to occur. C o m m u n i t y building helps cut t h r o u g h people's sophistication to get to the heart of their innocence. It encourages people to profoundly e x a m i n e their motives, feelings, j u d g m e n t s , a n d reactions, a n d h e n c e i t e x p a n d s t h e c o n s c i o u s n e s s o f self a n d u l t i m a t e l y c o n sciousness of others. F o r t h o s e e l e v e n y e a r s , Lily a n d I v o l u n t e e r e d r o u g h l y a third of o u r i n c o m e a n d a third of o u r time to w o r k i n g with FCE. We each s p e n t a b o u t twenty h o u r s a week working on beh a l f o f t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n . B e i n g p a r t o f F C E was v e r y m u c h like having children. We never d r e a m e d of how m u c h work it would b e . W e also never d r e a m e d o f h o w m u c h w e w o u l d gain a n d l e a r n f r o m it. As I w r o t e in In Search of Stones, w h e n we s t a r t e d F C E we were a b u n c h of do-gooders who didn't know anything about how to do good by r u n n i n g a nonprofit organization. H a d you a s k e d m e b a c k t h e n w h a t s t r a t e g i c p l a n n i n g was, I m i g h t h a v e t o l d y o u i t was p r o b a b l y s o m e t h i n g t h e y d i d o v e r a t t h e P e n t a gon. In particular, we h a d no idea h o w to r u n a business, which a n o n p r o f i t o r g a n i z a t i o n , e v e r y b i t as m u c h as a p r o f i t - m a k i n g o n e , m u s t b e i f i t i s t o b e successful. A g a i n , w e w e r e o p e r a t i n g in the dark. I had to learn. We h a d to learn. We h a d to learn not o n l y a b o u t s t r a t e g i c p l a n n i n g b u t all a b o u t m a r k e t i n g , c o n f e r ence coordinating, m a n a g e m e n t of volunteers, upsizing a n d downsizing, fund-raising a n d d e v e l o p m e n t , c o m p u t e r systems a n d m a i l i n g lists, m i s s i o n a n d vision s t a t e m e n t s , a c c o u n t i n g p r o c e d u r e s , a n d s o o n . W e also h a d t o l e a r n e v e n m o r e i m p o r tant things, such as h o w bigger isn't necessarily better, h o w to c o o r d i n a t e , a n d h o w t o clarify r o l e s a n d p o w e r issues. Most of what we l e a r n e d in those d o z e n years c a m e as a re-

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suit of w o r k i n g with m a n y o t h e r s in t h e m a n a g e m e n t of FCE, a n d it has often b e e n painful learning. At o n e p o i n t or another, w e h a v e m a d e a l m o s t every m a n a g e r i a l m i s t a k e i n t h e b o o k . I h a v e a l r e a d y m e n t i o n e d h o w far a n d away t h e m o s t a g o n i z i n g f i n a n c i a l d e c i s i o n w e h a v e e v e r h a d t o m a k e was n o t i n r e g a r d t o o u r p e r s o n a l f i n a n c e s b u t i n r e g a r d t o this c h a r i t a b l e o r g a n i z a t i o n . F C E was h i t d e v a s t a t i n g l y h a r d b y t h e 1 9 9 0 - 9 2 r e c e s s i o n , a n d s u r v i v e d o n l y b e c a u s e , o v e r t h e c o u r s e o f six m o n t h s , w e r e d u c e d its a n n u a l b u d g e t f r o m $ 7 5 0 , 0 0 0 t o $ 2 5 0 , 0 0 0 t h r o u g h " d o w n s i z i n g " — t h a t e u p h e m i s m f o r l a y i n g off c o m p e t e n t e m ployees. As a WASP w h o grew up with certain instructions for h o w t o c o n d u c t o n e ' s life w i t h a t l e a s t a m o d i c u m o f dignity, t h e h a r d e s t t h i n g I h a d t o d o f o r F C E was r a i s e f u n d s . I h a d b e e n t a u g h t n e v e r t o b e g . A f t e r t h r e e y e a r s o f d o i n g so, I e x p r e s s e d my agony a n d frustration in a 1987 p o e m entitled "A Beggar's Life ( C o n f e s s i o n s of a F u n d - r a i s e r ) " : I beg Prowling t h e streets, Stalking for targets. Do I ever even see T h e faces a n y m o r e ? O r just the clothes? By t h e clothes I j u d g e t h e m . T h a t o n e looks poor. He looks disheveled. She Looks ordinary. T h a t o n e looks inconsequential. Ah, b u t this o n e ! T h i s o n e l o o k s wealthy. This o n e looks substantial. This o n e looks influential. I m o v e i n f o r t h e kill, a n d A m b r u s h e d aside. A m I n o t like t h e m all, L o o k i n g f o r a b e t t e r life? T h e p r o b l e m , you see, is that I am n o t

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M. Scott Peck, M.D. A g o o d beggar. I p r o w l endlessly, y e t at n i g h t Sink into flophouse dreams, N o t e v e n k n o w i n g i f I will b e a b l e To m a k e next week's rent. I wonder: W o u l d I n o t do better, were I to look at T h e i r faces? I have colleagues I n this p r o f e s s i o n . M o s t Tell m e I a m r i g h t t o n o t l o o k A t t h e faces. T h e y h a v e t h e s a m e Categories of clothes A s I , y e t s o m e s e e m m o r e successful, a n d I w o n d e r why? Do they look At t h e faces? A few say Yes, F r o m t h e faces y o u c a n s e e t h e g u i l t A n d p r e y u p o n it. I c a n n o t play T h a t trick. I t i s n o t T h a t I am m o r a l . It is t h a t I m i g h t Also s e e t h e i r n e e d , a n d t h e n h o w w o u l d I k n o w W h o is w h o , W h o the beggar, a n d w h e t h e r I, With such limited resources, A m n o t t h e o n e c a l l e d t o give? Limited resources, That's the p r o b l e m . C a n ' t spread yourself T o o t h i n , t h e y say, a n d t h a t ' s t h e t r u t h . I c a n ' t g o d o w n all t h e s t r e e t s A t all h o u r s a n d , certainly,

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I can't look into All t h e faces. B u t I d o n ' t d o well. S o m e days, I a l s o w o n d e r I f I w o u l d n o t d o b e t t e r j u s t s t a n d i n g still. I have a friend, a blind m a n , W h o d o e s r e a l well. H e j u s t sits t h e r e , Not having to move, W i t h h i s s c a r r e d eyes all r o l l e d u p , A n d t h e y give a n d give. B u t t h e y w o u l d n ' t give t o m e , W o u l d they, J u s t for b e i n g there? A n d I d o n ' t have the courage T o g o u g e o u t m y eyes Even t h o u g h I w o u l d n ' t have to worry A b o u t m a k i n g all t h o s e c h o i c e s A n d l o o k i n g a t t h e faces Anymore. So I k e e p m o v i n g along, Trying to look at just the clothes, H u s t l i n g as b e s t I c a n , B u t I d o n ' t d o well. It's a b e g g a r ' s life. T h a t was t h e d o w n s i d e . I c o u l d n ' t h a v e d o n e i t w i t h o u t t h e u p s i d e . F o r o n e t h i n g , I k n e w t h a t b e g g i n g was h o n o r e d i n m a n y r e l i g i o n s a n d t h a t t h e h u m i l i a t i o n o f i t all c o u l d b e l o o k e d u p o n as a s p i r i t u a l d i s c i p l i n e . C e r t a i n l y I b e l i e v e it was f o r t u n a t e f o r m e t h a t a t t h e v e r y t i m e I c o u l d b e g i n t o sit b a c k a n d rely u p o n m y p o r t f o l i o o f s t o c k s a n d b o n d s , G o d h a p p e n e d t o p u t m e i n a p o s i t i o n w h e r e I h a d t o rely o n t h e p r o v i d e n c e o f o t h e r s . A n d t h e n t h e r e was t h e m a t t e r o f m a k i n g n e w a n d g o o d

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f r i e n d s . I t i s h a r d n o t t o love s o m e o n e w h o gives y o u m o n e y f o r a c a u s e y o u b e l i e v e t o b e w o r t h y . A n d strangely, l a r g e d o n a t i o n s often s e e m e d t o c o m e w h e n w e m o s t n e e d e d b u t least e x p e c t e d t h e m , as if they were manifestations of grace. I t c a n b e e i t h e r v e r y easy o r very difficult t o give away money. Julius Rosenwald, the entrepreneurial genius b e h i n d Sears, R o e b u c k a n d f o u n d e r of t h e Julius Rosenwald F u n d , o n c e d e c l a r e d : "It i s a l m o s t always e a s i e r t o m a k e a m i l l i o n d o l lars h o n e s t l y t h a n t o d i s p o s e o f i t wisely." A n u m b e r o f F C E ' s s m a l l d o n o r s a n d a few o f its l a r g e o n e s s i m p l y said, " H e r e ' s m y c h e c k . I t s e e m s a s i f y o u ' r e d o i n g g o o d w o r k a n d w e ' d like t o h e l p y o u o u t , b u t t h a t ' s a s far a s w e w a n t t o g e t i n v o l v e d . " W e w e r e very grateful t o t h e m . B u t o t h e r s w h o d o n a t e d large s u m s o f m o n e y s o m e t i m e s felt i t was i n c u m b e n t u p o n t h e m t o s e e t h a t i t was m a n a g e d well. T h a t m e a n t a f u r t h e r i n v e s t m e n t o f t h e i r t i m e , a n d s o m a d e i t m o r e difficult t o give away m o n e y t h a n t o m a k e it. E v e n so, i t m a y a l s o h a v e b e e n m o r e e m o t i o n ally r e w a r d i n g — a s i t was f o r Lily a n d m e . M a n y have given FCE h u n d r e d s of t h o u s a n d s of dollars, b u t j u s t a s i m p o r t a n t , m a n y h a v e also g i v e n i t t h e i r t i m e . C u r r e n t l y F C E h a s o n l y f o u r full-time e m p l o y e e s . Yet its i n f l u e n c e i s greater t h a n ever because a h u n d r e d p e o p l e have v o l u n t e e r e d the time. Volunteering is h a r d work. Because they are n o t paid, many w h o volunteer assume that they can just show up whenever they want to, b u t true volunteerism d e m a n d s m u c h m o r e . Those who d e p e n d on volunteers to help their organizations succeed often find that the central p r o b l e m is getting a comm i t m e n t from t h e m . Over the years, o u r organization has b e e n b l e s s e d w i t h a n a r m y o f fully c o m m i t t e d v o l u n t e e r s . In hindsight, it seems to me t h a t FCE has survived a n d is currently flourishing thanks to the h a r d work of these committ e d v o l u n t e e r s a n d b e c a u s e o f its i n t e g r i t y a s a n o r g a n i z a t i o n . W h i l e w e m a d e e v e r y p o s s i b l e m i s t a k e , w e d i d s o w i t h integrity, a n d s o m e h o w t h a t s e e m e d t o save t h e m i s t a k e s f r o m b e i n g t o t a l d i s a s t e r s . T o a c t w i t h i n t e g r i t y also m e a n t t h a t w e h a d t o i n t e grate g o o d business principles with o u r principles of c o m m u -

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nity. T h a t was n o t c h e a p l y a c h i e v e d . I t r e q u i r e d t h a t w e l e a r n still m o r e a b o u t m a n a g e m e n t a n d t h e n a t u r e o f o r g a n i z a t i o n a l culture a n d consensual decision m a k i n g — a n d learn m o r e d e e p l y a b o u t c o m m u n i t y itself. O n e o f o u r i n f o r m a l m o t t o s b e c a m e "FCE goes deeper." So we v e n t u r e d ever f u r t h e r i n t o t h e d e p t h s o f w h a t c o m m u n i t y i s all a b o u t w i t h i n t h e f r a m e w o r k o f o u r own o r g a n i z a t i o n , discovering for ourselves b o t h t h e p r o f o u n d limitations a n d equally p r o f o u n d virtues of c o m m u n i t y in the workplace. I t was g o o d t h a t w e d i d s o . W h e n w e s t a r t e d F C E , t h e m a r k e t f o r c o m m u n i t y b u i l d i n g was t h a t p a r t o f t h e g e n e r a l p u b l i c interested in a temporary, individual e x p e r i e n c e of personal growth. Gradually, however, as m o r e p e o p l e h a d t h e e x p e r i e n c e of community, the primary market became organizations that s o u g h t g r e a t e r effectiveness a n d creativity. W e w e r e a b l e t o m e e t this g r o w i n g d e m a n d w i t h i n t e g r i t y o n l y b e c a u s e w e k n e w something about the complexities of integrating community p r i n c i p l e s w i t h b u s i n e s s o p e r a t i o n s — a n d t h a t was l a r g e l y a r e sult o f h a v i n g p r a c t i c e d o n o u r s e l v e s . M o r e t h a n a n y t h i n g else, w h a t I've l e a r n e d t h r o u g h F C E i s a vastly i n c r e a s e d a w a r e n e s s o f h o w d i f f e r e n t p e o p l e a r e — a n d h o w we n e e d t h o s e d i f f e r e n c e s . In A World Waiting to Be Born, I w r o t e t h a t y e a r s b e f o r e F C E o n e o f m y f i r s t t e a c h e r s i n this r e a l m was a d e c a d e y o u n g e r t h a n I . P e t e r was a y o u n g e n l i s t e d m a n , a "psych tech" w h o served u n d e r me in Okinawa. W h e n I arrived at my new assignment, I found there were n o t nearly e n o u g h t r a i n e d psychotherapists to m e e t t h e d e m a n d ; yet a d o z e n o f t h e s e twenty-year-old t e c h s w e r e s i t t i n g a r o u n d w i t h little o r n o t h i n g t o d o . S o I t o l d t h e m t o s t a r t d o i n g psyc h o t h e r a p y a n d I would provide t h e m with on-the-job training. I t was q u i c k l y a p p a r e n t t h a t h a l f w e r e n o t u p t o t h e j o b , a n d I s e t t h e m t o o t h e r tasks. B u t six h a d a n a t u r a l t a l e n t f o r t h e r o l e . O n e was P e t e r . F o r two y e a r s h e s e r v e d w i t h d i s t i n c t i o n a s a t h e r a p i s t . T h e n h i s e n l i s t m e n t was u p a n d i t was t i m e f o r h i m t o r e t u r n h o m e to t h e U n i t e d States. As we were saying good-bye, I a s k e d h i m a b o u t h i s p l a n s a n d was a g h a s t w h e n h e t o l d m e h e

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i n t e n d e d to start a milk distribution business. "But y o u ' r e a fine psychotherapist," I exclaimed. "I c o u l d h e l p you get into a g o o d m a s t e r ' s p r o g r a m . T h e G.I. Bill w o u l d p a y f o r it." " N o , t h a n k s , m y p l a n s a r e set," P e t e r f i r m l y r e p l i e d . B u t I p e r s i s t e d , o u t l i n i n g all t h e a d v a n t a g e s of a c a r e e r as a p r a c t i c i n g p s y c h o t h e r a p i s t . Finally, w i t h a n u n d e r s t a n d a b l e e d g e t o h i s v o i c e , P e t e r s i l e n c e d m e b y saying, " L o o k , Scotty, c a n ' t y o u g e t i t i n t o y o u r h e a d t h a t n o t e v e r y o n e i s like y o u , t h a t n o t e v e r y o n e w i t h t h e o p p o r t u n i t y wants to be a p s y c h o t h e r a p i s t ? " A s well a s i l l u s t r a t i n g m y o w n n a r c i s s i s m , t h e s t o r y d e m o n s t r a t e s t h a t p e o p l e w h o h a v e a t a l e n t for s o m e t h i n g d o n ' t t h e r e f o r e n e c e s s a r i l y h a v e a v o c a t i o n f o r it. S e c u l a r v o c a t i o n a l c o u n s e l o r s k n o w t h e best o c c u p a t i o n s for p e o p l e a r e t h o s e i n which their aptitude a n d interest coincide. But G o d is generous t o m a n y a n d b e s t o w s o n t h e m m u l t i p l e g i f t s — i n t e r e s t s a s well a s t a l e n t s . T h e p a t t e r n o f s u c h gifts, h o w e v e r , i s always u n i q u e t o t h e i n d i v i d u a l . E a c h o f u s i s c r e a t e d differently. I h a v e gifts t h a t y o u d o n o t h a v e . Y o u h a v e gifts t h a t I d o n o t h a v e . A n d this i s why we n e e d each other. O u r c o m m o n narcissistic f a i l u r e t o a p p r e c i a t e t h e s e p a r a t e n e s s , t h e d i f f e r e n t n e s s , o f o t h e r s b e d e v i l s b u s i n e s s life e v e r y b i t a s m u c h a s i t d o e s o u r family a n d p e r s o n a l lives. L e t m e give y o u a n e x a m p l e o f t h e s a m e sick d y n a m i c — t h e f a i l u r e t o a p p r e c i a t e diversity a m o n g u s — a t w o r k i n a n e v e n l a r g e r s e t t i n g , c r e a t i n g a hateful a n d destructive schism within an e n t i r e profession. I was t e n t a t i v e l y a s k e d s o m e t i m e a g o t o c o n s u l t a b o u t a c o n f l i c t b e t w e e n t h e two g o v e r n i n g b o d i e s o f o n e o f A m e r i c a ' s m e d i c a l specialties. T h e "American College" primarily r e p r e s e n t e d t h e practitioners in t h e field, while the "American Academy" prim a r i l y r e p r e s e n t e d its r e s e a r c h e r s . T h e m e m b e r s o f b o t h groups were highly intelligent, extremely well-educated, a n d s u p p o s e d l y civilized p h y s i c i a n s . Yet f o r o v e r a d e c a d e t h e relat i o n s h i p b e t w e e n t h e s e "sister" o r g a n i z a t i o n s h a d g r a d u a l l y b e e n d e g e n e r a t i n g i n t o e x t r e m e incivility. I q u i c k l y l e a r n e d t h a t t h e p r a c t i c e o f t h i s specialty, o n t h e f r o n t i e r s o f m e d i c i n e , was m u c h m o r e a n a r t t h a n a s c i e n c e . T h o s e who b e l o n g e d to the College were treating patients on

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t h e f r o n t l i n e s a n d h a d t o o p e r a t e m o s t l y b y g u e s s w o r k a n d int u i t i o n . I t was n o a c c i d e n t , t h e r e f o r e , t h a t t h e y w e r e m e n a n d w o m e n n o t only a c c u s t o m e d t o ambiguity b u t actually excited b y it. O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , like all scientific r e s e a r c h , m e d i c a l r e s e a r c h r e q u i r e s e x t r e m e p r e c i s i o n a n d clarity. B y v i r t u e o f t h e g r o u n d - b r e a k i n g n a t u r e o f t h e specialty, i t r e q u i r e d e x a c t n e s s even m o r e stringently t h a n o t h e r fields. Consequently, the members of the Academy were women and m e n who hated vagueness a n d regarded ambiguity as their enemy. A f t e r j u s t two p h o n e calls, I was a b l e t o a s c e r t a i n t h a t t h e m a j o r s o u r c e o f c o n f l i c t b e t w e e n t h e t w o o r g a n i z a t i o n s was t h e difference in the personalities of their m e m b e r s . This e x t e n d e d e v e n t o t h e i r c o m m u n i c a t i o n styles, w h i c h , b e y o n d a n y m a t t e r of substance, seemed almost designed to antagonize each other. Failing even to acknowledge their different p r e d o m i n a n t p e r s o n a l i t y t y p e s — m u c h less a p p r e c i a t e t h e n e e d f o r t h e m — e a c h b o d y h a d c o m e t o a s s u m e t h a t t h e o t h e r ' s hostility was m a licious i n i n t e n t . Unfortunately, b o t h m a d e t h e decision n o t t o p u r s u e reconciliation. O n c e h o o k e d o n conflict, m a n y organiz a t i o n s , like i n d i v i d u a l s , w o u l d r a t h e r f i g h t t h a n switch. H a d these s e p a r a t e organizational b o d i e s b e e n willing t o p r o c e e d with t h e consultation, they w o u l d have discovered t h a t we n o w possess a distinct e d u c a t i o n a l "technology" to heal such u n n e c e s s a r y o r g a n i z a t i o n a l c o n f l i c t s . T h i s , w h i c h w e call c o m m u n i t y - b u i l d i n g technology, is a system of g r o u p l e a r n i n g techn i q u e s that cut t h r o u g h p e o p l e ' s everyday narcissism, allowing t h e m n o t o n l y t o s e e o n e a n o t h e r ' s d i f f e r e n c e s b u t a l s o t o acc e p t t h e m . I t i s n o t p a i n l e s s l e a r n i n g , b u t i t i s effective. T h r o u g h i t p e o p l e actually e x p e r i e n c e their m u t u a l i n t e r d e p e n d e n c e o n o n e a n o t h e r ' s gifts. T h e y l e a r n i n t h e i r h e a r t s w h a t t h e A p o s t l e P a u l m e a n t b y "mystical b o d y " w h e n h e said: N o w t h e r e a r e diversities of gifts, b u t t h e s a m e S p i r i t . . . . F o r to o n e is given by t h e Spirit t h e w o r d of wisdom; to a n o t h e r t h e w o r d o f k n o w l e d g e b y t h e s a m e Spirit; t o a n o t h e r f a i t h b y t h e s a m e Spirit; t o a n o t h e r t h e gifts o f h e a l i n g b y t h e s a m e Spirit; t o a n o t h e r t h e w o r k i n g o f

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miracles; to a n o t h e r prophecy; to a n o t h e r discerning o f spirits; t o a n o t h e r divers k i n d s o f t o n g u e s ; t o a n other the interpretation of tongues. . . . As the body is o n e , a n d h a t h m a n y m e m b e r s , a n d all t h e m e m b e r s o f t h a t o n e body, b e i n g many, a r e o n e b o d y . . . t h e b o d y is n o t o n e member, but many. I f t h e f o o t shall s a y B e c a u s e I a m n o t t h e h a n d , I am n o t of the body; is it therefore n o t of the body? A n d i f t h e e a r shall say, B e c a u s e I a m n o t t h e eye, I a m n o t of t h e body; is it therefore n o t of the body? If the w h o l e b o d y w e r e a n eye, w h e r e w e r e t h e h e a r i n g ? I f the whole were hearing, w h e r e were the smelling? But n o w h a t h G o d s e t t h e m e m b e r s o f every o n e o f t h e m i n t h e b o d y , a s i t h a t h p l e a s e d h i m . A n d i f t h e y w e r e all o n e m e m b e r , w h e r e w e r e t h e b o d y ? . . . A n d t h e eye c a n n o t say u n t o t h e h a n d , I h a v e n o n e e d o f t h e e : n o r a g a i n t h e h e a d to t h e feet, I h a v e no n e e d of y o u . . . . But God hath t e m p e r e d the body together, having given m o r e a b u n d a n t h o n o r t o t h a t p a r t which lacked: T h a t there should be no schism in the body; b u t that the m e m b e r s s h o u l d have the s a m e care o n e for ano t h e r . A n d w h e t h e r o n e m e m b e r suffer, all t h e m e m b e r s suffer w i t h it; o r o n e m e m b e r b e h o n o r e d , all t h e m e m b e r s r e j o i c e w i t h it. Is it an accident, do you suppose, that we h u m a n s are crea t e d i n s u c h variety a n d c a l l e d i n s o m a n y d i v e r g e n t ways? H o w else c o u l d t h e r e b e a society? W e , t h e c o l l e c t i v e r a c e , t h e b o d y of humanity, n e e d o u r practicing physicians a n d researchers, o u r e x e c u t i v e a n d legislative b r a n c h e s , o u r m a r k e t e r s a n d salesp e o p l e , o u r farmers a n d steelworkers, priests a n d p l u m b e r s , authors a n d publishers, athletes a n d entertainers, prophets a n d b u r e a u c r a t s . Yes, o c c a s i o n a l l y t h e t h r e a d s m a y b e c o m e a b i t u n raveled, b u t w h a t a wonderfully variegated fabric we are! T h a t is t h e lesson we l e a r n e d t h r o u g h o u r work at FCE. But f o r all t h a t Lily a n d I h a v e g i v e n , w e h a v e r e c e i v e d e v e n m o r e i n return. We have gained friends a m o n g a global c o m m u n i t y a n d

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amassed a great deal of new knowledge a b o u t ourselves a n d others. Without FCE—as without our children—I would be a very stupid m a n . N o w t h a t Lily a n d I a r e e n t e r i n g o l d a g e , w e h a v e l a r g e l y r e t i r e d f r o m F C E a n d o t h e r activities t h a t w e r e o n c e p a r t o f o u r routine. But the learning continues—including that of learning h o w t o r e t i r e gracefully. Actually, f r o m t h e s t a r t o u r i n t e n t was to work toward h e l p i n g FCE b e c o m e i n d e p e n d e n t of us. We were keenly aware of a n d c o n c e r n e d about what tends to happ e n w h e n individuals b u i l d o r g a n i z a t i o n s a n d later leave t h e m . T h e r e a r e c o u n t l e s s e x a m p l e s o f successful " e v a n g e l i s t s " w h o started organizations only to have a stroke or c o m m i t an indisc r e t i o n , w i t h t h e r e s u l t t h a t t h e i r c h u r c h e s o r t h e m e p a r k s coll a p s e d . O u r g o a l was t o a v o i d t h a t a t F C E . S o w e h a v e h a n d e d o v e r t h e r e i n s , e n c o u r a g i n g o t h e r s t o b e i n d e p e n d e n t o f u s , givi n g u p o u r p o w e r t o e m p o w e r o t h e r s w h o a r e i n d e e d q u i t e capable of carrying on FCE's mission. My father didn't retire until forced to do so by advanced a g e — h e was i n h i s e i g h t i e s — s o i t h a s s e e m e d s t r a n g e t o b r e a k from the tradition of my upbringing that o n e must die in the s a d d l e . B u t I've l e a r n e d t h a t t h e r e i s n o t h i n g w r o n g w i t h d o i n g t h i n g s differently. I n fact, a f o u n d i n g F C E b o a r d m e m b e r , J a n i c e B a r f i e l d , was a m a j o r r o l e m o d e l f o r m e i n t h i s way. S h e s a i d G o d was t e l l i n g h e r t o r e t i r e , a n d s h e d i d s o w i t h g r a c e after serving e i g h t years. T h r o u g h h e r l e a d e r s h i p s h e gave m e perm i s s i o n t o follow h e r f o o t s t e p s a f t e r e l e v e n . T h e d e c i s i o n t o r e t i r e i s a p e r s o n a l c h o i c e a n d w e e a c h m u s t follow o u r o w n p a t h . I believe that I have b e e n given t h e g r e e n light from G o d to refrain from taking on any major responsibility b e y o n d my o n g o i n g w r i t i n g p r o j e c t s . S i n c e I've b e e n a r e s p o n s i b i l i t y - a h o l i c all m y life, t h i s was n o t a s i m p l e s t e p t o t a k e . I h a d t o l e a r n t o say no a n d e n c o u r a g e others to assume the responsibilities that I n o l o n g e r felt a b l e t o a c c e p t . Play h a s t a k e n o n a far m o r e i m p o r t a n t r o l e i n m y life. B u t i t feels r i g h t t o m e — a n d e v e n s e e m s all r i g h t w i t h G o d — t h a t I s h o u l d a c t u a l l y e n j o y r e t i r e m e n t . In a life t o g e t h e r full of b l e s s i n g s , Lily a n d I feel t h e a d v e n t u r e of r e t i r e m e n t is a n o t h e r blessing. We have n o t s t o p p e d

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l e a r n i n g . I still c o n t i n u e t o w r i t e ; family a n d f r i e n d s r e m a i n c e n t r a l i n o u r lives; a n d w e i n t e n d t o m a k e c o n t r i b u t i o n s t o t h o s e social c a u s e s t h a t h a v e always b e e n i m p o r t a n t t o u s . W e n o w p l a y golf a g o o d d e a l o f t h e t i m e a n d e n j o y i t n o t o n l y f o r r e l a x a t i o n b u t also a s a n e w a n d s t r a n g e l e a r n i n g e x p e r i e n c e . We are traveling a b r o a d ever m o r e f r e q u e n t l y — a n o t h e r learning experience. N o t l o n g a g o I said t o Lily, " T h e s e really a r e o u r g o l d e n years." "Hell," she r e t o r t e d , "they're o u r p l a t i n u m years!"

P A R T

I I I

The Other Side of Complexity

CHAPTER

7

The "Science" of God

IN THE END, ALL THINGS POINT to G o d . . . .

I said earlier t h a t t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n of this b o o k evolved from a single s e n t e n c e , a q u o t e a t t r i b u t e d to Justice Oliver Wend e l l H o l m e s , Jr.: " I d o n ' t give a f i g f o r t h e s i m p l i c i t y t h i s s i d e o f complexity, b u t I w o u l d die for t h e simplicity on t h e o t h e r side." To j o u r n e y to t h e o t h e r side of complexity, we are chall e n g e d t o m a k e a r a d i c a l shift i n t h o u g h t . W e a r e i n v i t e d t o m o v e way b e y o n d a n y s i m p l i s t i c u n d e r s t a n d i n g i n o r d e r t o c o n s i d e r w h a t strict scientists m i g h t call t h e G o d T h e o r y . W a l k i n g this o t h e r s i d e i s t o e m b a r k o n a p a t h i n t o t h e invisible r e a l m . We c a n n o t discover t h e radical truths of G o d t h r o u g h a rigid s t a n c e o f static c e r t a i n t y . A c a u t i o u s yet c o m m a n d i n g s e n s e o f "knowing with humility" is required. L i k e life, t h e o t h e r s i d e o f c o m p l e x i t y i s n o t always l i n e a r , n o r static. I t is, m u c h like life, u l t i m a t e l y a p r o c e s s . T h i s p r o c e s s involves m y s t e r y a t its c o r e , b u t i t also e n c o m p a s s e s a j o u r n e y o f c h a n g e , of healing, a n d of t h e acquisition of wisdom. On this j o u r n e y into t h e o t h e r side we may e x p e r i e n c e a sense of epipha n y — t h o s e flashes o f insight w h e r e m a n y things that s e e m e d quite c o m p l e x b e g i n to m a k e m o r e sense w h e n viewed from a s p i r i t u a l p e r s p e c t i v e . T o d o so, w e c a n n o l o n g e r simplistically i n t e r p r e t life t h r o u g h t h e l i m i t e d l e n s o f m a t e r i a l i s m . L i k e all t r a n s i t i o n s i n life, t h e t r a n s i t i o n s w e m a k e t o w a r d u n d e r s t a n d i n g t h e o t h e r s i d e o f c o m p l e x i t y a r e likely t o b e diff i c u l t , e v e n c h a o t i c . W e will e n c o u n t e r p a r a d o x , a n d i n l e a r n i n g

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t o u n d e r s t a n d p a r a d o x , w e will e x p e r i e n c e p s y c h i c p a i n . I n p a r ticular, i t i s t h e p a i n o f loss o f o l d i d e a s a n d t h e s e n s e o f cert a i n t y t h e y p r o v i d e d . J u s t w h e n w e g e t c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h all t h a t w e t h i n k w e k n o w , s o m e t h i n g will c o m e a l o n g t o r a t t l e u s o u t o f complacency. T h u s , it is imperative that we be o p e n - m i n d e d a n d c o u r a g e o u s o n t h i s j o u r n e y . W e m u s t g a t h e r all o u r r e sources—emotional, intellectual, a n d spiritual—to e n d u r e the s e n s e o f loss i n v o l v e d i n l e t t i n g g o o f t h e b a r r i e r s t o o u r ability t o t h i n k p a r a d o x i c a l l y , t o t h i n k w i t h integrity. O n e p a r a d o x i s t h a t t h e simplicity o n t h e o t h e r side d o e s n o t always l o o k s i m p l e . G o d , f o r i n s t a n c e , o f t e n s e e m s like a n e x t r a o r d i n a r i l y c o m p l e x b e i n g . As a C h r i s t i a n , I h a v e f r e q u e n t l y f o u n d i t useful t o d i v i d e G o d i n t o t h e t r a d i t i o n a l t h r e e p a r t s : F a t h e r , S o n , a n d H o l y Spirit. A t t h e v e r y s a m e t i m e I e m b r a c e p a r a d o x a n d know in the deepest sense that G o d is O n e . But w h e n I say t h a t i n t h e e n d , all t h i n g s p o i n t t o G o d , w h a t t h i n g s d o I m e a n — a n d w h a t p r o o f c a n b e o f f e r e d , i f any? L e t ' s e x p l o r e " t h e G o d T h e o r y " a n d t h e s c i e n t i f i c — t h o u g h m o s t l y ind i r e c t — e v i d e n c e t h a t s e e m s t o p o i n t n o w h e r e else b u t t o G o d .

SCIENCE AND G O D W h e r e does science fit into the scheme of things s u r r o u n d i n g G o d ? Scientific g e n i u s e s , i n c l u d i n g C a r l J u n g a n d A l b e r t E i n s t e i n , h a v e b e e n a m o n g t h o s e w h o left t h e w o r l d a l e g a c y t h r o u g h t h e i r works, w h i c h a d v a n c e d t h e search for m e a n i n g i n life a n d u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e u n i v e r s e . A n d b o t h m a d e p e r s o n a l p r o c l a m a t i o n s t h a t t h e i r scientific i n q u i r i e s h a d l e d t h e m to c o n c l u d e that G o d is i n d e e d real. But despite the assured obs e r v a t i o n s o f divinity f r o m s o m e o f s c i e n c e ' s b r i g h t e s t m i n d s , w e still c a n ' t c i t e a n y specific scientific p r o o f t o s u p p o r t t h e existence of God. A n y p r o c l a m a t i o n a b o u t t h e e x i s t e n c e o f G o d elicits a t least a b i t o f s k e p t i c i s m — a n d p r o p e r l y s o — p r e c i s e l y b e c a u s e i t c a n ' t b e p r o v e n b y t r a d i t i o n a l scientific m e a s u r e s . I n fact, i n t h i s

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A g e o f R e a s o n , s c i e n c e itself h a s b e c o m e a s o r t o f g o d . T h e p r o b l e m , however, is that G o d c a n n o t be m e a s u r e d or capt u r e d . To m e a s u r e s o m e t h i n g is to e x p e r i e n c e it in a certain dimension, a dimension in which we can m a k e observations of great accuracy. T h e use of m e a s u r e m e n t has e n a b l e d science to m a k e e n o r m o u s strides in u n d e r s t a n d i n g the material universe. B u t b y v i r t u e o f its s u c c e s s , m e a s u r e m e n t h a s b e c o m e a k i n d o f scientific i d o l . T h e r e s u l t i s a n a t t i t u d e o n t h e p a r t o f m a n y scie n t i s t s o f n o t m e r e s k e p t i c i s m b u t o u t r i g h t r e j e c t i o n o f anyt h i n g t h a t c a n n o t b e m e a s u r e d . I t i s a s i f t h e y w e r e t o say, " W h a t w e c a n n o t m e a s u r e , w e c a n n o t know; t h e r e i s n o p o i n t i n worrying a b o u t what we c a n n o t know; therefore, what c a n n o t be measured is u n i m p o r t a n t a n d unworthy of o u r observation." B e c a u s e o f t h i s a t t i t u d e m a n y scientists e x c l u d e f r o m t h e i r serio u s c o n s i d e r a t i o n all m a t t e r s t h a t a r e — o r s e e m t o b e — i n t a n g i ble. Including, of course, the matter of God. But if we cannot capture or measure God, neither can we fully m e a s u r e a n d " c a p t u r e " l i g h t , gravity, o r s u b a t o m i c p a r t i cles, d e s p i t e t h e i r o b v i o u s e x i s t e n c e . I n d e e d , i n e x p l o r i n g s u c h p h e n o m e n a a s t h e n a t u r e o f l i g h t , gravity, e l e c t r o m a g n e t i s m , a n d q u a n t u m m e c h a n i c s , physical science has m a t u r e d over t h e past century to the point w h e r e it has increasingly recognized t h a t at a c e r t a i n level reality is u t t e r l y p a r a d o x i c a l . As I q u o t e d J. R o b e r t O p p e n h e i m e r in The Road Less Traveled: T o w h a t a p p e a r t o b e t h e s i m p l e s t q u e s t i o n s , w e will t e n d t o give e i t h e r n o a n s w e r o r a n a n s w e r w h i c h will at first sight be r e m i n i s c e n t m o r e of a strange catec h i s m t h a n o f t h e s t r a i g h t f o r w a r d affirmatives o f p h y s ical s c i e n c e . I f w e ask, for i n s t a n c e , w h e t h e r t h e p o s i t i o n o f t h e e l e c t r o n r e m a i n s t h e s a m e , w e m u s t say " n o " ; i f w e ask w h e t h e r t h e e l e c t r o n ' s p o s i t i o n c h a n g e s w i t h t i m e , w e m u s t say " n o " ; i f w e ask w h e t h e r t h e e l e c t r o n is at r e s t , we m u s t say " n o " ; if we ask w h e t h e r it is in m o t i o n , w e m u s t say " n o . " T h e B u d d h a h a s g i v e n s u c h answers w h e n interrogated as to the conditions of

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m a n ' s self a f t e r h i s d e a t h ; b u t t h e y a r e n o t t h e f a m i l i a r answers for t h e t r a d i t i o n of s e v e n t e e n t h a n d eight e e n t h century science. But t h e r e are e n o u g h hints a b o u t h u m a n spiritual behavior to constitute a science of sorts, a n d a wealth of h a p p e n i n g s that cannot be explained without resorting to "the G o d Theory." I n fact, m a n y t h i n g s i n s c i e n c e t h a t w e t h i n k o f a s g r e a t t r u t h s a r e m a i n l y t h e o r i e s i n t h e m i n d s o f m o s t scientists. T h e "Big B a n g t h e o r y " o f t h e o r i g i n o f t h e u n i v e r s e , f o r i n s t a n c e , i s j u s t t h a t : a t h e o r y . S o all t h i n g s p o i n t t o G o d o n l y t o s o m e p e o p l e . A n d g i v e n t h e fact t h a t G o d c a n n o t b e m e a s u r e d , m a n y simply d o n o t believe i n H e r existence. Materialists a n d t h o s e w h o a r e h i g h l y s e c u l a r r e q u i r e p r o o f i n t h e f o r m o f visible evid e n c e . Basically, m a t e r i a l i s t s live by a c e n t r a l b e l i e f t h a t reality is only that which t h e five senses can detect. In o t h e r words, their m o t t o i s likely t o b e " W h a t y o u s e e i s w h a t y o u g e t . " Secularism is a m o r e c o m p l e x p h e n o m e n o n . Perhaps it c a n m o s t s i m p l y b e d e f i n e d b y c o m p a r i n g i t w i t h its o p p o s i t e . T h i s i s w h a t t h e t h e o l o g i a n M i c h a e l N o v a k d i d s o clearly w h e n he distinguished between what he called t h e sacred consciousness a n d t h e secular consciousness. T h e individual with a secular consciousness essentially thinks t h a t he is t h e c e n t e r of t h e universe. Such people t e n d to be quite intelligent. They know full well t h a t t h e y a r e b u t o n e o f six b i l l i o n h u m a n b e i n g s scratching out an existence on the surface of a medium-sized p l a n e t t h a t is a s m a l l f r a g m e n t of a tiny s o l a r s y s t e m w i t h i n a galaxy a m o n g countless galaxies, a n d that e a c h of those o t h e r h u m a n b e i n g s also thinks t h a t he is t h e c e n t e r of t h e universe. Consequently, intelligent t h o u g h they may be, p e o p l e with a s e c u l a r c o n s c i o u s n e s s a r e p r o n e t o feel a b i t lost w i t h i n this h u g e n e s s a n d , d e s p i t e t h e i r "centrality," t o o f t e n e x p e r i e n c e a sense of meaninglessness a n d insignificance. T h e p e r s o n with a sacred consciousness, on t h e o t h e r h a n d , does n o t think of himself as the center of the universe. F o r h i m t h e c e n t e r r e s i d e s e l s e w h e r e , specifically i n G o d — i n t h e S a c r e d . Yet d e s p i t e this l a c k o f centrality, h e i s a c t u a l l y less

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likely t o feel h i m s e l f i n s i g n i f i c a n t o r m e a n i n g l e s s t h a n t h e secu l a r i s t is, b e c a u s e h e sees h i m s e l f e x i s t i n g i n r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h t h a t S a c r e d O t h e r , a n d it is from this r e l a t i o n s h i p t h a t he derives h i s m e a n i n g a n d s i g n i f i c a n c e . S o m e t i m e s p e o p l e fall i n b e t w e e n , w i t h o n e f o o t p l a n t e d i n sacred consciousness a n d the other in secular consciousness. M o r e o v e r , t h e r e a r e d i f f e r e n t t y p e s o f s e c u l a r i s m a n d religiosity. So part of the "science" of G o d is n o t only to consider that which is u n e x p l a i n a b l e to materialists, b u t also to c o m e to t e r m s w i t h t h e fact t h a t p e o p l e a r e d i f f e r e n t i n t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p t o G o d . T o d o s o it's n e c e s s a r y t o briefly e x p l a i n t h e differe n c e b e t w e e n spirituality a n d religion.

SPIRITUALITY AND RELIGION W h e n I was still l e c t u r i n g , I c o m m o n l y f o u n d m y a u d i e n c e s confused over these terms. For that reason, I have gradually c o m e t o r e s t r i c t m y d e f i n i t i o n o f r e l i g i o n t o t h a t w h i c h involves a n o r g a n i z e d b o d y o f beliefs w i t h a specific c r e e d a n d m e m b e r s h i p b o u n d a r i e s . S p i r i t u a l i t y i s m u c h b r o a d e r , a n d f o r m y defin i t i o n o f spirituality, I r e f e r t o t h e w o r d s t h a t W i l l i a m J a m e s u s e d to d e f i n e r e l i g i o n . In h i s classic w o r k The Varieties of Religious Experience, J a m e s d e s c r i b e d i t a s " t h e a t t e m p t t o b e i n h a r m o n y with an u n s e e n o r d e r of things." For m e , that covers e v e r y o n e ' s s p i r i t u a l i t y or l a c k t h e r e o f . As a s e l f - d e s i g n a t e d C h r i s t i a n , h o w e v e r , I p e r s o n a l l y n o t o n l y b e l i e v e t h a t t h e r e is a " H i g h e r P o w e r " b e h i n d t h e visible o r d e r o f t h i n g s , b u t also t h a t I t i s n o t n e u t r a l — t h a t I t actively w a n t s u s t o b e i n h a r m o n y w i t h It. Obviously, m a n y p e o p l e a r e religious b u t n o t spiritual, a n d vice v e r s a . O n e o f t h e m o s t s e c u l a r p e r s o n s I've e v e r m e t was a C a t h o l i c n u n w i t h w h o m I w o r k e d f o r a year. S h e h a d b e e n i n a c o n v e n t f o r twenty-five y e a r s a n d h a d n o d e s i r e t o b e a n y t h i n g b u t a n u n . D e s p i t e t h e fact t h a t s h e d i d e v e r y t h i n g n u n s d o — m a k i n g confession a n d service t o t h e c o m m u n i t y , for e x a m p l e — s h e g a v e virtually n o t h o u g h t t o G o d i n h e r daily life.

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T h e r e are also m a n y w h o are spiritual b u t n o t religious. A n d t h e r e are those w h o are a c o m b i n a t i o n of b o t h , as I a m . I a m specifically C h r i s t i a n y e t q u i t e e c u m e n i c a l . I g r e w u p i n a p r i m a r i l y s e c u l a r e n v i r o n m e n t ; m y s p i r i t u a l d e v e l o p m e n t was e n a b l e d b y all t h e w o r l d ' s g r e a t r e l i g i o n s , a n d i t w a s n ' t u n t i l I was f o r t y - t h r e e t h a t I was b a p t i z e d , n o n d e n o m i n a t i o n a l l y , as a Christian. With m i n o r exceptions, I believe wholeheartedly in C h r i s t i a n d o c t r i n e . O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , I also m a k e u s e o f t h e t e a c h i n g s of o t h e r g r e a t r e l i g i o n s . What Return Can I Make? Dimensions of the Christian Experience (Gifts for the Journey) is t h e o n l y specifically C h r i s t i a n b o o k I've e v e r w r i t t e n ; all t h e r e s t h a v e b e e n m o r e spiritual t h a n religious. I believe t h a t t h e differences b e t w e e n those w h o a r e actively r e l i g i o u s o r s p i r i t u a l a n d t h o s e w h o a r e n o t a r e g e n e r a l l y n o t s o m u c h r a n d o m a s d e v e l o p m e n t a l . P e o p l e , like myself, c h a n g e i n t h e i r lives r e g a r d i n g t h e n a t u r e o f t h e i r spirituality, a n d I've c o m e t o s e e t h a t t h e r e i s a p r o f o u n d t e n d e n c y f o r t h e s e c h a n g e s t o follow a s e q u e n c e , o r s t a g e s .

STAGES OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH M y t h e o r y o n t h e s t a g e s o f s p i r i t u a l g r o w t h was first s u g g e s t e d in The Road Less Traveled, b u t I w a s n ' t as c l e a r a b o u t it b a c k t h e n as I am now. T h e p e r s o n best k n o w n for writing on this subject is Professor J a m e s Fowler of the C a n d l e r School of T h e o l o g y of E m o r y U n i v e r s i t y a n d t h e a u t h o r of, a m o n g o t h e r w o r k s , Stages o f Faith. O n t h e basis o f F o w l e r ' s w o r k a n d m y o w n e x p e r i e n c e a s a p s y c h i a t r i s t , I r e a l i z e d t h e r e w e r e m o r e o r less d i s t i n c t s t a g e s o f s p i r i t u a l d e v e l o p m e n t . F o w l e r offers six s u c h s t a g e s , which I condensed into four a n d wrote about in m u c h greater d e p t h in A Different Drum a n d to a lesser e x t e n t in Further Along the Road Less Traveled. W h a t follows is a v e r y b r i e f d e s c r i p t i o n : • S t a g e I, w h i c h I l a b e l C h a o t i c , A n t i s o c i a l . In t h i s m o s t p r i m i t i v e s t a g e , p e o p l e m a y a p p e a r r e l i g i o u s o r s e c u l a r b u t , ei-

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t h e r way, t h e i r " b e l i e f s y s t e m " i s p r o f o u n d l y s u p e r f i c i a l . T h e y a r e essentially u n p r i n c i p l e d . Stage I m a y be t h o u g h t of as a stage of Lawlessness. • S t a g e II, w h i c h I l a b e l F o r m a l , I n s t i t u t i o n a l . T h i s is t h e s t a g e o f t h e L e t t e r o f t h e Law, i n w h i c h r e l i g i o u s " f u n d a m e n t a l ists" ( m e a n i n g m o s t r e l i g i o u s p e o p l e ) a r e t o b e f o u n d . • S t a g e III, w h i c h I l a b e l S k e p t i c , I n d i v i d u a l . H e r e is w h e r e t h e m a j o r i t y o f s e c u l a r i s t s a r e f o u n d . P e o p l e i n this s t a g e a r e usually scientific-minded, rational, moral, a n d h u m a n e . T h e i r o u t l o o k is p r e d o m i n a n t l y materialistic. T h e y t e n d to be n o t only skeptical of the spiritual b u t u n i n t e r e s t e d in anything that cannot be proven. • S t a g e IV, w h i c h I l a b e l Mystical, C o m m u n a l . In t h i s m o s t m a t u r e stage of religious d e v e l o p m e n t , which may be t h o u g h t o f a s t h a t o f t h e S p i r i t o f t h e Law, w o m e n a n d m e n a r e r a t i o n a l b u t d o n o t m a k e a fetish o f r a t i o n a l i s m . T h e y h a v e b e g u n t o d o u b t t h e i r o w n d o u b t s . T h e y feel d e e p l y c o n n e c t e d t o " a n u n s e e n o r d e r o f t h i n g s , " a l t h o u g h t h e y c a n n o t fully d e f i n e it. T h e y are comfortable with t h e mystery of t h e sacred. I m u s t c a u t i o n t h a t t h e s e s t a g e s s h o u l d n o t b e v i e w e d simplistically. Superficially, m a n y p e o p l e m i g h t a p p e a r t o b e i n a m o r e a d v a n c e d stage t h a n they truly are. A c o n s i d e r a b l e n u m b e r o f " N e w A g e r s " a n d scientists, f o r i n s t a n c e , a r e basically " f u n d a m e n t a l i s t s , " w h i l e s o m e " e v a n g e l i c a l s " a r e S t a g e I V mystics. F u r t h e r m o r e , n o t only are there gradations within each s t a g e , b u t also p e o p l e w h o a r e i n t r a n s i t i o n f r o m o n e s t a g e t o t h e next. A n d while s o m e a r e d e v e l o p i n g , o t h e r s , for various reasons, are deeply stuck or fixated in a particular stage. Nevertheless, t h e stages a r e essentially d e v e l o p m e n t a l , w h i c h m e a n s , f o r o n e t h i n g , t h a t t h e s e c u l a r i s t s o f S t a g e III a r e a c t u a l l y m o r e spiritually d e v e l o p e d t h a n t h e majority of religious p e o p l e . M a n y i n S t a g e I I a r e h i g h l y critical o f t h e " s e c u l a r h u m a n i s t s " i n S t a g e III b u t w o u l d b e well a d v i s e d t o b e c o m e m o r e h u m a n i s t themselves. T h e r e are some who worry that categorizing people in

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stages of spiritual growth m a y have a f r a g m e n t i n g effect—that the designation of different kinds of believers may be destructive t o c o m m u n i t y i n g e n e r a l a n d t h e " c o m m u n i t y o f t h e faithful" i n p a r t i c u l a r . W h i l e I u n d e r s t a n d t h e c o n c e r n a b o u t h i e r a r c h i e s a n d t h e i r p o t e n t i a l f o r e l i t i s m , I d o n o t feel t h e w o r r y i s j u s t i f i e d . T h e s u p p o s e d " c o m m u n i t y " o f t h e faithful h a s b e e n n o t e d in history for excluding, p u n i s h i n g , a n d frequently even m u r d e r i n g the doubter, t h e skeptic, a n d others w h o did not fit the mold. And my own repeated personal experience with t h e k n o w l e d g e t h a t w e a r e a t d i f f e r e n t s t a g e s o f s p i r i t u a l d e v e l o p m e n t facilitates r a t h e r t h a n h a m p e r s t h e f o r m a t i o n a n d m a i n t e n a n c e o f t r u e c o m m u n i t i e s . Still, i t i s g o o d f o r u s t o b e a r i n m i n d t h a t t h e relatively u n d e v e l o p e d a r e q u i t e c a p a b l e o f community a n d advanced growth, a n d that the most developed o f u s still r e t a i n vestiges o f t h e e a r l i e r s t a g e s . A s E d w a r d S a n f o r d M a r t i n d e s c r i b e d i t i n h i s p o e m , "My N a m e I s L e g i o n , " Within my earthly temple there's a crowd; There's o n e of us that's h u m b l e , o n e that's p r o u d , T h e r e ' s o n e t h a t ' s b r o k e n - h e a r t e d f o r h i s sins, T h e r e ' s o n e t h a t u n r e p e n t a n t sits a n d g r i n s ; T h e r e ' s o n e t h a t loves h i s n e i g h b o r a s himself, A n d o n e t h a t c a r e s f o r n a u g h t b u t f a m e a n d pelf. F r o m m u c h c o r r o d i n g care I s h o u l d be free If I could o n c e d e t e r m i n e which is m e . In this c o m m o n j o u r n e y of spiritual growth, it may h e l p us all t o r e m e m b e r t h e b a s i c m e a n i n g o f t h e w o r d " I s r a e l . " T h e O l d T e s t a m e n t , q u i t e e a r l y i n t h e d r a m a , tells u s o f J a c o b . H e was clearly a S t a g e I c h a p — a liar, thief, a n d m a n i p u l a t o r w h o h a s c h e a t e d h i s b r o t h e r o u t o f his i n h e r i t a n c e . A s this p a r t o f t h e s t o r y o r m y t h o p e n s , J a c o b i s i n t r o u b l e — a s i s typical o f Stage I p e o p l e . On t h e l a m from his brother, w a n d e r i n g t h r o u g h t h e d e s e r t , o n e e v e n i n g h e leaves h i s family t o s l e e p alone. In t h e m i d d l e of t h e night, however, he is accosted by a strongly built stranger. T h e y do battle with e a c h o t h e r in t h e

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d a r k n e s s . T h e d e s p e r a t e s t r u g g l e lasts h o u r a f t e r h o u r , a s t h e y wrestle together. But finally, j u s t as t h e first g l i m m e r of dawn c o m e s t o t h e h o r i z o n , J a c o b feels h i m s e l f b e g i n n i n g t o g e t t h e u p p e r h a n d . E x u l t i n g , h e t h r o w s all his r e s o u r c e s i n t o vanq u i s h i n g this s t r a n g e r w h o h a s a s s a u l t e d h i m f o r n o a p p a r e n t reason. Something extraordinary then happens. The stranger r e a c h e s o u t a n d lightly t o u c h e s J a c o b ' s t h i g h , a n d i t i s instantly, effortlessly-pulled o u t o f j o i n t a n d b r o k e n . C r i p p l e d , J a c o b t h e n c l i n g s t o t h e s t r a n g e r , n o t t o c o n t i n u e a n o b v i o u s l y lost b a t t l e — he is an utterly defeated, b r o k e n m a n — b u t because he knows n o w t h a t h e i s i n t h e p r e s e n c e o f divinity. S o i n t h a t f i r s t f a i n t l i g h t o f d a w n , h e p l e a d s w i t h his a d v e r s a r y n o t t o leave b e f o r e giving h i m a blessing. T h e s t r a n g e r agrees, a n d n o t only blesses J a c o b b u t tells h i m , " H e n c e f o r t h y o u will b e c a l l e d I s r a e l , m e a n i n g h e w h o h a s s t r u g g l e d w i t h G o d . " A n d J a c o b l i m p s off i n t o the future. T h e r e a r e t o d a y t h r e e m e a n i n g s t o t h e w o r d "Israel." O n e refers to a r a t h e r small area of t h e earth's surface on t h e eastern c o a s t of t h e M e d i t e r r a n e a n , c u r r e n t l y a n a t i o n - s t a t e w i t h a brief, a l r e a d y t o r t u r e d history. A s e c o n d r e f e r s t o t h e J e w i s h p e o p l e , d i s p e r s e d t h e w o r l d over, w i t h a l o n g a n d t o r t u r e d history. B u t t h e m o s t basic m e a n i n g refers t o t h e p e o p l e w h o have struggled w i t h G o d . A s s u c h i t i n c l u d e s all t h e S t a g e I p e o p l e , w h o h a v e j u s t b e g u n t h e s t r u g g l e , w h o d o n o t yet k n o w b y w h o m t h e y ' v e b e e n a s s a u l t e d , w h o a r e still i n t h e m i d s t o f t o t a l d a r k n e s s b e fore seeing their first dawn, before even receiving their first b r e a k i n g a n d their first blessing. Israel also i n c l u d e s t h o s e p e o ple o n c e b r o k e n a n d o n c e blessed, the Stage II fundamentalist H i n d u s a n d Muslims a n d Jews a n d Christians a n d Buddhists t h r o u g h o u t t h e w o r l d . I n c l u d e d , t o o , a r e t h o s e twice b r o k e n a n d twice b l e s s e d : t h e a t h e i s t s a n d t h e a g n o s t i c s a n d s k e p t i c s , w h e t h e r i n R u s s i a o r E n g l a n d o r A r g e n t i n a o r i n this c o u n t r y , w h o question a n d thereby c o n t i n u e the great struggle. A n d finally i t i n c l u d e s t h e t h r i c e b r o k e n a n d t h r i c e b l e s s e d mystics f r o m all t h e c u l t u r e s o f t h e e a r t h , w h o h a v e e v e n c o m e t o s e e k

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f u t u r e b r e a k i n g s for t h e b l e s s i n g s t h e y n o w k n o w will follow. Israel includes t h e entirety of o u r struggling infant humanity. It is t h e w h o l e p o t e n t i a l c o m m u n i t y o n t h e p l a n e t . W e a r e all I s r a e l .

PSYCHOSPIRITUAL AND HISTORICAL BAGGAGE W e are often p r e v e n t e d f r o m s e e i n g this aspect o f o u r c o m m o n humanity, in part because of the psychospiritual baggage we u s u a l l y carry, u n a w a r e o f h o w i t s h a p e s o u r w o r l d v i e w w h e n i t c o m e s t o r e l i g i o n a n d t h e s p i r i t u a l issues t h a t h a v e a n i m p a c t o n o u r lives a n d o n o u r p e r c e p t i o n s o f G o d ' s r o l e i n t h e m . T h i s psychospiritual baggage is often unconstructive a n d unnecessary. S o m e i s t h e r e s u l t o f r e l i g i o u s e x c e s s e s , s u c h a s t h e I n q u i sition. T h e original relationship b e t w e e n religion a n d science was o n e o f i n t e g r a t i o n . A n d t h i s i n t e g r a t i o n h a d a n a m e — p h i l o s o p h y . Early p h i l o s o p h e r s like P l a t o a n d A r i s t o t l e a n d T h o m a s A q u i n a s w e r e m e n o f scientific b e n t . T h e y t h o u g h t i n t e r m s o f e v i d e n c e a n d q u e s t i o n e d p r e m i s e s , b u t t h e y a l s o w e r e totally c o n v i n c e d t h a t G o d was t h e e s s e n t i a l reality. In t h e sixteenth century, however, t h e relationship between science a n d religion began to go sour; a n d hit b o t t o m in 1 6 3 3 w h e n G a l i l e o was s u m m o n e d b e f o r e t h e I n q u i s i t i o n . T h e results of that event were decidedly unpleasant. T h e y were unp l e a s a n t f o r G a l i l e o , w h o was f o r c e d t o r e c a n t h i s b e l i e f i n C o p e r n i c a n t h e o r y — t h a t t h e p l a n e t s revolve a r o u n d t h e s u n — a n d was p l a c e d u n d e r h o u s e a r r e s t f o r t h e r e m a i n d e r o f h i s life. However, in short o r d e r things got even m o r e u n p l e a s a n t for t h e C h u r c h , w h i c h t o t h i s d a y h a s itself b e e n r e c a n t i n g . I n r e s p o n s e t o t h i s vast stress, t h e r e e m e r g e d t o w a r d t h e end of the seventeenth and the beginning of the eighteenth c e n t u r y a n u n w r i t t e n social c o n t r a c t t h a t d i v i d e d u p t h e t e r r i tory b e t w e e n g o v e r n m e n t , science, a n d religion. N o t consciously d e v e l o p e d , i t was a n a l m o s t s p o n t a n e o u s r e s p o n s e t o t h e n e e d s o f t h e day, a n d i t h a s d o n e m o r e t h a n a n y t h i n g else to d e t e r m i n e t h e n a t u r e of o u r science a n d o u r religion ever since.

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I n t h e e a r l y 1700s, I s a a c N e w t o n was p r e s i d e n t o f t h e Royal Society of L o n d o n for I m p r o v i n g N a t u r a l K n o w l e d g e . According to the unwritten contract, then already in place, natural k n o w l e d g e was d i s t i n g u i s h e d f r o m s u p e r n a t u r a l k n o w l e d g e . " N a t u r a l k n o w l e d g e " h a d b e c o m e t h e p r o v i n c e o f s c i e n c e , "sup e r n a t u r a l k n o w l e d g e " was n o w t h e p r o v i n c e o f r e l i g i o n , a n d a c c o r d i n g to t h e rules of t h e contract, n e v e r t h e twain s h o u l d m e e t . O n e effect o f t h a t s e p a r a t i o n was t h e e m a s c u l a t i o n o f p h i losophy. Since n a t u r a l k n o w l e d g e b e c a m e t h e d o m a i n o f scientists a n d s u p e r n a t u r a l k n o w l e d g e t h a t o f t h e t h e o l o g i a n s , t h e p o o r p h i l o s o p h e r s w e r e left o n l y w i t h w h a t fell t h r o u g h t h e c r a c k s , w h i c h was n o t m u c h . I n s o m e ways, this u n w r i t t e n social c o n t r a c t m i g h t b e looked u p o n as o n e of the great intellectual h a p p e n i n g s of hum a n k i n d . All m a n n e r o f g o o d c a m e f r o m it: t h e I n q u i s i t i o n f a d e d away, r e l i g i o u s folk s t o p p e d b u r n i n g w i t c h e s ; t h e coffers o f t h e C h u r c h r e m a i n e d full f o r s e v e r a l c e n t u r i e s ; slavery was a b o l i s h e d ; d e m o c r a c y was e s t a b l i s h e d w i t h o u t a n a r c h y ; a n d , p e r h a p s b e c a u s e i t d i d r e s t r i c t itself t o n a t u r a l p h e n o m e n a , scie n c e thrived, giving birth to a technological revolution b e y o n d anybody's wildest expectations, even to t h e p o i n t of paving the way f o r t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f a p l a n e t a r y c u l t u r e . T h e p r o b l e m i s t h a t t h i s u n w r i t t e n social c o n t r a c t n o l o n g e r w o r k s . I n d e e d , a t this p o i n t i n t i m e , i t i s b e c o m i n g d o w n right diabolic. As I have already n o t e d , the w o r d "diabolic" c o m e s f r o m t h e G r e e k diaballein, w h i c h m e a n s t o t h r o w a p a r t o r t o s e p a r a t e , t o c o m p a r t m e n t a l i z e . I t i s t h e o p p o s i t e o f "symb o l i c , " w h i c h c o m e s f r o m t h e w o r d symballein, m e a n i n g t o t h r o w t o g e t h e r , t o unify. T h i s u n w r i t t e n social c o n t r a c t i s t e a r ing us apart. T h a n k s to the secularization of education, we can't even teach values in o u r public schools, for e x a m p l e . A l t h o u g h p u b lic s c h o o l s t e a c h s c i e n c e , t h e r e s e e m s t o b e a view t h a t r e l i g i o n s h o u l d n ' t b e t o u c h e d . N o b o d y h a s s u e d — e x c e p t a few f u n d a mentalists w h o objected to evolutionary theory—over the t e a c h i n g of science, b u t t h e subjects of religion a n d spirituality are considered so controversial that no o n e dares design a rea-

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s o n a b l e a n d b a s i c c u r r i c u l u m . T h e r e ' s a b s o l u t e l y n o valid r e a son n o t t o teach religion; i t can b e d o n e i n m u c h t h e objective m a n n e r i n w h i c h s c i e n c e i s t a u g h t , w i t h a f o c u s o n all r e l i g i o n s a n d t h e i r key c o n c e p t s . S i n c e v a l u e s a r e u l t i m a t e l y r e l a t e d t o b a sic r e l i g i o u s i d e a s , t h e a p p r o a c h t o t e a c h i n g v a l u e s c a n b e a l o n g the s a m e lines, with no partiality to any particular ideas b u t a g e n e r a l o v e r v i e w w i t h specific c o n c e p t s a n d t h e o r i e s . I n reality, w e c u r r e n t l y t e a c h o u r c h i l d r e n m a t e r i a l i s m b y n o t t e a c h i n g spirituality a n d , by implication, we a r e s e n d i n g a message that values are simply n o t i m p o r t a n t . T h o s e w h o object t o v a l u e s b e i n g t a u g h t fail t o s e e t h a t w e a l r e a d y h a v e i n t e r j e c t e d a basic nihilistic value i n t o s c h o o l c u r r i c u l u m s . Nihilism suggests that there's no u n s e e n o r d e r to things, that a n y t h i n g g o e s a n d t h e r e i s n o p a r t i c u l a r m e a n i n g i n life's e x p e r i e n c e s . To teach values is to suggest that things do matter. But whose values a n d w h i c h values s h o u l d be taught? T h a t is t h e d i l e m m a , a n d its r e s o l u t i o n i s n o t t o t e a c h a n y o n e set; i t i s t o p r e s e n t stud e n t s with a c o m p l e t e overview a n d t h e n d a r e to let t h e m decide for themselves. L e t m e p o i n t o u t t h e effect o f t h e u n w r i t t e n c o n t r a c t n o t j u s t t h r o u g h o u t A m e r i c a n c u l t u r e b u t specifically u p o n m y o w n f i e l d o f psychiatry. Psychiatry, d e f i n i n g itself a s scientific, h a s totally n e g l e c t e d t h e s p i r i t u a l . I d o u b t t h a t it is p o s s i b l e f o r a psychiatrist t o c o m p l e t e his o r h e r residency t r a i n i n g w i t h o u t significant e x p o s u r e to stage theory: F r e u d ' s stages of psychosexual d e v e l o p m e n t , Piaget's stages of cognitive d e v e l o p m e n t , a n d E r i k s o n ' s s t a g e s o f m a t u r a t i o n a n d t h e i r p r e d i c t a b l e crises. Yet, t o m y k n o w l e d g e , i n t h e i r t r a i n i n g p s y c h i a t r i s t s r e c e i v e a b solutely no e x p o s u r e to t h e stages of spiritual d e v e l o p m e n t . T h e p r i m a r y r e a s o n f o r this fact i s t h a t t r a i n i n g p r o g r a m s f o r psychiatrists have simply n o t r e g a r d e d it as their responsibility t o k n o w o r t e a c h a n y t h i n g a b o u t spirituality. W e c a r r y n o t o n l y this collective h i s t o r i c a l b a g g a g e b u t a l s o the baggage of our own personal experiences of how we were treated by the c h u r c h w h e n we raised doubts or e x p e r i e n c e d p e r i o d s o f a l i e n a t i o n f r o m h u m a n f e l l o w s h i p a s well a s a l i e n ation from God. T h e Inquisition is g o n e b u t c u r r e n t religious

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e x c e s s e s still l e a d t o t h e f i x a t i o n o f m a n y i n S t a g e III s e c u l a r i s m . D o g m a t i s m a n d b i g o t r y a m o n g f u n d a m e n t a l i s t s o f all faiths leave n o r o o m for d o u b t a n d uncertainty. M a n y a r e d e e p l y angry for b e i n g rejected by their c h u r c h b e c a u s e they've h a d d o u b t s . Often, their first r e s p o n s e to a n y t h i n g spiritual after y e a r s o f s u f f e r i n g f r o m s u c h r e j e c t i o n i s " O h , n o , n o t t h a t stuff again." T o m o v e o n r a t h e r t h a n r e m a i n stuck, they m a y n e e d t o l e a r n t o forgive t h e i r f a i t h f o r its S t a g e I I rigidity a n d i n t o l e r ance. T h e n there is the purely psychological baggage that causes m a n y t o b e c o m e s t u c k i n t h e i r s p i r i t u a l g r o w t h . W h e n I was still in p r a c t i c e , I s e r v e d as a c o n s u l t a n t to a c o n v e n t t h a t r e q u i r e d its p o s t u l a n t s t o r e c e i v e a p s y c h i a t r i c e v a l u a t i o n b e f o r e e n t e r i n g t h e n o v i t i a t e . O n e e v a l u a t i o n I d i d was of a forty-five-year-old w o m a n w h o h a d b e e n described by h e r novice director a n d rel i g i o u s i n s t r u c t o r a s a " w o n d e r f u l p o s t u l a n t . " T h e o n l y r e d flag was t h a t t h e o t h e r p o s t u l a n t s w e r e n ' t p a r t i c u l a r l y f r i e n d l y t o w a r d h e r . T h e r e was n o t h i n g specific t h e y d i d n ' t like; t h e y j u s t d i d n ' t r e s p o n d warmly to her. W h e n I m e t h e r , w h a t i m m e d i a t e l y s t r u c k m e was t h a t s h e c a r r i e d h e r s e l f m o r e like a giggly e i g h t - y e a r - o l d girl t h a n a fortyf i v e - y e a r - o l d w o m a n . A s s h e t a l k e d a b o u t h e r s p i r i t u a l life, t h e r e was n o t h i n g s p o n t a n e o u s . S h e c a m e a c r o s s a s a g o o d little girl w h o k n e w all t h e r i g h t t h i n g s t o say a n d w h o t o o k g r e a t p r i d e i n r e e l i n g off h e r c a t e c h i s m . I was c o m p e l l e d t o p r o b e b e y o n d h e r r e l i g i o u s life. W h e n I asked a b o u t h e r c h i l d h o o d , she r e p l i e d t h a t it was "wonderfully happy." Since o u r y o u n g e r years a r e so frequently painful, I imm e d i a t e l y p r i c k e d u p m y ears, asking for m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n a b o u t this w o n d e r f u l c h i l d h o o d . She told m e a b o u t a n i n c i d e n t i n v o l v i n g herself, t h e n e i g h t , a n d h e r sister, w h o was n i n e y e a r s o l d a t t h e t i m e . O n e d a y w h i l e t h e y w e r e i n t h e b a t h t u b , h e r sist e r playfully w a r n e d h e r , " W a t c h o u t ! O o g l e ' s c o m i n g , " a refere n c e to t h e girls' m u t u a l l y m a d e - u p play pal, a friendly ghost. T h e e i g h t - y e a r - o l d instinctively d o v e u n d e r t h e water. H e r mother, she t h e n recalled, b e a t her. " B e a t y o u ? " I q u e r i e d . "Why?"

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"Because I got my hair wet, of course." A s h e r r e c o l l e c t i o n s o f o t h e r i m p o r t a n t e v e n t s i n h e r life surfaced d u r i n g o u r session together, i t b e c a m e obvious t h a t the woman's description of a "wonderfully happy" c h i l d h o o d was o n l y o n e v e r s i o n o f t h e s t o r y — a s i m p l i s t i c a n d c o m f o r t i n g o n e p e r h a p s . I l e a r n e d t h a t w h e n s h e was twelve y e a r s o l d , h e r m o t h e r b e c a m e i n c a p a c i t a t e d w i t h m u l t i p l e sclerosis a n d d i e d s e v e n y e a r s later. B y n o w i t was c l e a r t o m e t h a t t h e w o m a n ' s giggly, c h i l d i s h m a n n e r was t h e r e s u l t o f h e r h a v i n g b e c o m e f i x ated at a p r e a d o l e s c e n t e m o t i o n a l stage. I n m a n y ways, t h e p e r s o n a l i t i e s o f c h i l d r e n i n t h e i r l a t e n c y s t a g e p a r a l l e l S t a g e I I spirituality. I n d e e d , w e call t h e y e a r s b e t w e e n f i v e a n d twelve t h e l a t e n c y p e r i o d p r e c i s e l y b e c a u s e child r e n this a g e a r e " l a t e n t " — m e a n i n g n o t m u c h t r o u b l e . A l t h o u g h mischievous at times, they naturally t e n d to believe everything M o m m y a n d D a d d y say. W i t h a d o l e s c e n c e , h o w e v e r , all h e l l breaks loose as they naturally t e n d to question everything. But h o w c a n y o u r e b e l against a m o t h e r w h o beats you m e r e l y for getting your hair wet, w h o b e c o m e s c r i p p l e d j u s t w h e n y o u r adolescence has b e g u n , a n d t h e n dies a r o u n d the time w h e n this n o r m a l p e r i o d o f a d o l e s c e n t r e b e l l i o n s h o u l d i d e a l l y b e a l m o s t c o m p l e t e ? T h i s forty-five-year-old w o m a n ' s f a i l u r e t o e x p e r i e n c e a d o l e s c e n t r e b e l l i o n was a l s o r e f l e c t e d i n h e r spirituality. T h e o r i g i n s o f t h e c h i l d l i k e q u a l i t y s h e h a d i n g e n eral a n d of h e r d e f e r e n c e to a n y t h i n g involving C h u r c h aut h o r i t y w e r e easy t o p i n p o i n t . I have previously written that t h e r e are parallels b e t w e e n t h e stages o f s p i r i t u a l d e v e l o p m e n t a n d t h e p s y c h o s e x u a l d e v e l o p m e n t a l s t a g e s w i t h w h i c h psychiatrists a r e g e n e r a l l y f a m i l i a r — S t a g e I c o r r e s p o n d i n g i n s o m e ways t o t h e f i r s t f i v e y e a r s o f life, S t a g e I I t o t h e l a t e n c y p e r i o d , S t a g e III t o a d o l e s c e n c e a n d e a r l y a d u l t h o o d , a n d S t a g e I V t o t h e last h a l f o f life i n h e a l t h y h u m a n d e v e l o p m e n t . L i k e t h e p s y c h o s o c i a l d e v e l o p m e n t a l stages, t h e stages o f s p i r i t u a l d e v e l o p m e n t a r e s e q u e n t i a l . T h e y c a n n o t b e s k i p p e d over. A n d j u s t a s t h e r e a r e f i x a t i o n s o f p s y c h o s e x u a l d e v e l o p m e n t , s o p e o p l e m a y b e c o m e spiritually f i x a t e d i n o n e o f t h e s e stages, s o m e t i m e s f o r s o m e o f t h e s a m e r e a s o n s .

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I n e e d also n o t e a g a i n t h a t t h e " d i a g n o s i s " o f a p e r s o n ' s spirituality s h o u l d n o t b e m a d e o n superficial a p p e a r a n c e s o r simplistic a s s u m p t i o n s . J u s t b e c a u s e a m a n is a scientist, he m a y l o o k a s i f h e i s i n S t a g e III w h e n a c t u a l l y h e h a s a p r i m a r i l y S t a g e I I spirituality. A n o t h e r m a y m o u t h mystical sayings i n S t a g e I V l a n g u a g e b u t a c t u a l l y b e a S t a g e I c o n artist. A n d a s m a l l m i n o r i t y m a y n o t f i t very well i n t o a n y d e v e l o p m e n t a l s t a g e . T h o s e w e call b o r d e r l i n e p e r s o n a l i t i e s , f o r i n s t a n c e , t e n d t o h a v e o n e f o o t i n S t a g e I , t h e o t h e r f o o t i n S t a g e II, o n e h a n d i n S t a g e III, a n d t h e o t h e r h a n d i n S t a g e IV. I t i s n o a c c i d e n t t h a t t h e y a r e l a b e l e d b o r d e r l i n e , s i n c e t h e y t e n d t o b e all o v e r the place. T h e g r e a t e s t p r o b l e m e n c o u n t e r e d i n all t h e s t a g e s i s t h a t , e x c e p t f o r S t a g e I V p e o p l e ( w h o e n v i s i o n t h e m s e l v e s a s pilgrims on an o n g o i n g j o u r n e y ) , m a n y think they have arrived. A S t a g e I I f u n d a m e n t a l i s t i s likely t o t h i n k h e h a s g o t i t all f i g u r e d o u t w i t h G o d c a p t u r e d i n his b a c k p o c k e t , w h i l e a d i e h a r d secu l a r i s t t h i n k s s h e i s s o s o p h i s t i c a t e d t h a t "I've g o t n o p l a c e else to go beyond here." S o m e p e o p l e n e e d t o g r o w o u t o f r e l i g i o n , like t h e w o m a n n a m e d K a t h y w h o s e s t o r y I t o l d in The Road Less Traveled. S h e was a p r i m i t i v e , S t a g e I I C a t h o l i c w h o d i s p l a y e d m o r e o f a n att a c h m e n t t o t h e f o r m o f h e r r e l i g i o n t h a n t o its s p i r i t . A n d t h e r e are s o m e p e o p l e w h o n e e d to grow m o r e into religion, as was t h e c a s e w i t h t h e e x t r e m e l y s e c u l a r T h e o d o r e , w h o s e s t o r y I also t o l d i n t h e s a m e b o o k , a n d w h o r e p r e s e n t e d a n o t h e r exa m p l e of the baggage that can cripple the spiritual growth process w i t h o u t p s y c h o t h e r a p y for h e a l i n g .

INTEGRATION AND INTEGRITY L o o k i n g b a c k o v e r t h e c o u r s e o f h u m a n history, w e c a n d i s c e r n b o t h the strengths a n d the limitations i n h e r e n t in the Age of Faith. But only recently are we b e g i n n i n g to see the limitations of t h e Age of Reason, which is w h e r e we n o w find ourselves as a society. W e r e w e still e m b e d d e d i n t h e A g e o f F a i t h , I s u s p e c t i t

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w o u l d b e b l i n d faith t h a t I , a s a m e m b e r o f t h e " E n l i g h t e n m e n t , " w o u l d b e a t t a c k i n g . Today, h o w e v e r , w h i l e I a m a g r e a t advocate of r e a s o n , I am very m u c h against u n i m a g i n a t i v e a n d n a r r o w - m i n d e d r e a s o n . W h e n w e t h i n k w e s h o u l d k n o w the r e a s o n for e v e r y t h i n g a n d t h a t t h e r e i s o n l y o n e r e a s o n — w h e n t h e concept of overdetermination is foreign to o u r minds—we are cursed by e i t h e r / o r thinking. Such limited thinking has led us to believe t h a t e d u c a t i o n s h o u l d be e i t h e r secular or religious, t h a t r i o t s a r e c a u s e d e i t h e r b y a b r e a k d o w n i n family v a l u e s o r by oppressive racism, that o n e m u s t be either a D e m o c r a t or a R e p u b l i c a n , a c o n s e r v a t i v e or a l i b e r a l . T h e t r u t h i s t h e r e i s r o o m f o r b o t h faith a n d r e a s o n . A n d o n l y w h e n w e a r e a b l e t o i n t e g r a t e t h e a t t r i b u t e s o f faith a n d r e a s o n i n t o o u r lives c a n w e c o m e c l o s e r t o w h a t c o n s t i t u t e s integrity. I d o n ' t k n o w w h o originally c o i n e d t h e t e r m , b u t a few t h e o l o g i a n s — i n c l u d i n g m e — a r e i n c r e a s i n g l y e x a l t i n g t h e "Holy Conjunction." T h e Holy Conjunction is the w o r d "and." I n s t e a d o f a n e i t h e r / o r style o f m e n t a t i o n , w e a r e p u s h i n g f o r b o t h / a n d thinking. We are n o t trying to get rid of reason b u t p r o m o t e " r e a s o n p l u s . " R e a s o n and mystery. R e a s o n and e m o t i o n . R e a s o n and i n t u i t i o n . R e a s o n and r e v e l a t i o n . R e a s o n and w i s d o m . R e a s o n and love. So we a r e e n v i s i o n i n g a w o r l d w h e r e a b u s i n e s s c a n m a k e a p r o f i t a n d b e e t h i c a l . W h e r e a g o v e r n m e n t c a n p r o m o t e political o r d e r a n d social j u s t i c e . W h e r e m e d i c i n e c a n b e p r a c t i c e d with technological proficiency a n d compassion. W h e r e c h i l d r e n c a n b e t a u g h t s c i e n c e a n d r e l i g i o n . O u r vision i s o n e o f i n t e g r a t i o n . B y i n t e g r a t i o n w e d o n o t m e a n s q u a s h i n g two o r m o r e t h i n g s t o g e t h e r i n t o a c o l o r l e s s , u n i s e x b l o b . W h e n w e talk o f int e g r a t i n g s c i e n c e a n d faith, w e a r e n o t s p e a k i n g o f r e t u r n i n g t o a n a g e o f p r i m i t i v e faith, w h e r e s c i e n c e i s d i s c o u n t e d , a n y m o r e t h a n we a r e a r g u i n g for t h e status q u o w h e r e a limited science is i d o l i z e d w h i l e faith i s r e l e g a t e d t o a n h o u r o n S u n d a y . T h e H o l y C o n j u n c t i o n i s t h e c o n j u n c t i o n o f integrity. I h a v e o f t e n w o n d e r e d w h a t m i g h t lie b e y o n d t h e A g e o f R e a s o n . I d o n ' t k n o w . B u t I h o p e i t will b e t h e A g e o f I n t e g r a -

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d o n . I n t h a t a g e s c i e n c e a n d r e l i g i o n will w o r k h a n d i n h a n d , a n d b o t h will b e m o r e s o p h i s t i c a t e d a s a r e s u l t . B e f o r e w e c a n arrive at t h e Age of Integration, however, we ourselves m u s t bec o m e m o r e s o p h i s t i c a t e d i n o u r t h i n k i n g . Specifically, w e m u s t c o m e t o l e a r n h o w t o t h i n k p a r a d o x i c a l l y b e c a u s e w e will e n counter paradox whenever reason becomes integrated by the Holy Conjunction. S e v e r a l y e a r s a g o , I h a d t h e o p p o r t u n i t y t o offer a s e t o f t e n r e c o m m e n d a t i o n s to t h e state commissioners of e d u c a t i o n w h o h a d g a t h e r e d t o wrestle with t h e c o m p l e x issue o f t h e t e a c h i n g o f v a l u e s i n p u b l i c s c h o o l s . O n e o f m y r e c o m m e n d a t i o n s was t h a t Z e n B u d d h i s m s h o u l d b e t a u g h t i n t h e f i f t h g r a d e . I was n o t speaking t o n g u e in cheek. Zen is the ideal training g r o u n d for p a r a d o x . W i t h o u t m y twenty years o f m e a n d e r i n g a r o u n d w i t h Z e n B u d d h i s m , I d o n ' t t h i n k t h e r e i s a n y way I c o u l d h a v e b e e n p r e p a r e d t o swallow t h e literally God-awful p a r a d o x e s t h a t lie a t t h e c o r e o f C h r i s t i a n d o c t r i n e . I t i s a r o u n d t h e a g e o f t e n t h a t c h i l d r e n a r e f i r s t a b l e t o d e a l w i t h p a r a d o x , a n d i t i s a critical m o m e n t f o r i m p r i n t i n g w h i c h s h o u l d n o t b e lost. I d o u b t , h o w e v e r , t h a t t h e c o m m i s s i o n e r s t o o k this r e c o m m e n d a t i o n seriously. I t i s n o t g o i n g t o b e easy f o r p e o p l e t o l e a r n h o w t o t h i n k p a r a d o x i c a l l y i n this A g e o f R e a s o n . I n d e e d , " p a r a d o x " i s o f t e n t r a n s l a t e d f r o m its G r e e k r o o t a s " c o n t r a r y t o r e a s o n . " B u t p a r a d o x i s n o t a c t u a l l y u n r e a s o n a b l e . I t s e e m s t h a t way b e c a u s e w e t e n d to think in w o r d s — a n d particularly in n o u n s . N o u n s are categories, a n d l a n g u a g e c o m p a r t m e n t a l i z e s . "Cat" is t h e categ o r y f o r c e r t a i n f u r r y l a n d a n i m a l s w i t h w h i s k e r s . "Fish" i s t h e c a t e g o r y f o r w a t e r c r e a t u r e s w i t h scales. C o n s e q u e n t l y , a c r e a t u r e t h a t falls i n t o t h e c a t c a t e g o r y c a n n o t fall i n t o t h e f i s h cate g o r y — u n l e s s it is a "catfish," b u t t h e n we k n o w t h a t a catfish really b e l o n g s i n t h e f i s h c o m p a r t m e n t . "Life" a n d " d e a t h " a r e o p p o s i t e c o m p a r t m e n t s . E v e n v e r b s a r e c a t e g o r i c a l . "To f i n d " i s t h e o p p o s i t e of "to lose." W h a t , t h e n , a r e we to do with s o m e o n e w h o t e a c h e s u s t h e p a r a d o x , " W h o s o e v e r will save h i s life shall l o s e it; a n d w h o s o e v e r shall l o s e h i s life will find it"?

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GRACE AND SERENDIPITY H o w e v e r h a r d w e m a y try, t h e r e a l i t y i s t h a t w e h u m a n s c a n n e v e r will m i r a c l e s i n t o b e i n g . T h i s fact, t h i s l a c k o f c o n t r o l , i s o n e o f t h e r e a s o n s t h e s e c u l a r g e n e r a l l y t u r n a b l i n d eye t o t h e m i r a c u l o u s i n life. T h e y fail t o s e e t h e g r a c e — a n d h e n c e t h e p r o o f — o f G o d a n d G o d ' s love. I n m y p r i m a r y i d e n t i t y a s a scientist, I w a n t a n d like p r o o f . B e i n g as m u c h a l o g i c a l s o r t as a mystical o n e , I e x p e c t statistical p r o o f w h e n e v e r p o s s i b l e t o c o n v i n c e m e o f t h i n g s . B u t t h r o u g h o u t my twenties a n d thirties a n d as I c o n t i n u e d to mat u r e , I've b e c o m e m o r e a n d m o r e i m p r e s s e d b y t h e f r e q u e n c y o f statistically h i g h l y i m p r o b a b l e e v e n t s . I n t h e i r very i m p r o b a bility, I g r a d u a l l y b e g a n t o s e e t h e f i n g e r p r i n t s o f G o d . O n t h e basis o f s u c h e v e n t s i n m y o w n life a n d i n t h e lives o f p a t i e n t s ( m a n y r e c o u n t e d in The Road Less Traveled a n d s u b s e q u e n t b o o k s ) , I k n o w t h a t grace is real. T h e r e is a p a t t e r n to these h i g h l y i m p r o b a b l e e v e n t s : a l m o s t all s e e m e d t o h a v e a b e n e f i cial o u t c o m e . I h a d s t u m b l e d u p o n a s y n o n y m f o r g r a c e : s e r e n dipity. W e b s t e r ' s d i c t i o n a r y d e f i n e s s e r e n d i p i t y a s " t h e gift o f f i n d i n g v a l u a b l e o r a g r e e a b l e t h i n g s n o t s o u g h t for." T h i s d e f i n i t i o n has several i n t r i g u i n g features. O n e is t h a t serendipity is t e r m e d a gift, w h i c h i m p l i e s t h a t s o m e p e o p l e p o s s e s s i t w h i l e o t h e r s d o n ' t , t h a t s o m e p e o p l e are lucky a n d o t h e r s a r e not. It is a maj o r thesis of m i n e that grace, manifested in p a r t by "valuable or a g r e e a b l e t h i n g s n o t s o u g h t for," i s a v a i l a b l e t o e v e r y o n e . B u t w h i l e s o m e t a k e a d v a n t a g e o f it, o t h e r s d o n o t . O n e o f t h e r e a s o n s f o r t h e h u m a n t e n d e n c y t o resist g r a c e i s t h a t w e a r e n o t fully a w a r e o f its p r e s e n c e . W e d o n ' t f i n d valua b l e t h i n g s n o t s o u g h t f o r b e c a u s e w e fail t o a p p r e c i a t e t h e v a l u e o f t h e gift w h e n i t i s g i v e n t o u s . I n o t h e r w o r d s , s e r e n d i p i t o u s e v e n t s o c c u r t o all o f u s , b u t f r e q u e n t l y w e fail t o r e c o g n i z e their serendipitous nature; we consider such events u n r e m a r k a b l e , a n d c o n s e q u e n t l y w e fail t o t a k e full a d v a n t a g e o f t h e m . T h e indications of grace a n d / o r serendipity as I have described t h e m s e e m to have the following characteristics:

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• T h e y serve to n u r t u r e — s u p p o r t , protect, a n d e n h a n c e — h u m a n life a n d s p i r i t u a l g r o w t h . • T h e m e c h a n i s m of their action is either incompletely u n d e r s t a n d a b l e (as i n t h e c a s e o f d r e a m s ) o r totally o b s c u r e (as in t h e case of p a r a n o r m a l p h e n o m e n a ) a c c o r d i n g to t h e principles o f n a t u r a l law a s i n t e r p r e t e d b y c u r r e n t scientific t h i n k i n g . • T h e i r o c c u r r e n c e is frequent, routine, c o m m o n p l a c e , a n d essentially universal a m o n g humanity. • A l t h o u g h they are potentially influenced by h u m a n cons c i o u s n e s s , t h e i r o r i g i n i s o u t s i d e t h e c o n s c i o u s will a n d b e y o n d the process of conscious decision making. In o t h e r words, I have c o m e to believe that their c o m m o n ality i n d i c a t e s t h a t t h e s e p h e n o m e n a a r e p a r t o f o r m a n i f e s t a tions of a single p h e n o m e n o n : a powerful force t h a t originates outside of h u m a n consciousness a n d n u r t u r e s the spiritual growth of h u m a n beings. We w h o are properly skeptical a n d s c i e n t i f i c - m i n d e d m a y b e i n c l i n e d t o d i s m i s s this f o r c e s i n c e w e c a n ' t t o u c h i t a n d h a v e n o d e c e n t way t o m e a s u r e it. Yet i t exists. It is r e a l . O u r u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h a t i s l i m i t e d , a g a i n , b y o u r diffic u l t y i n d e a l i n g w i t h p a r a d o x . W e w a n t t o identify t h i n g s r a t i o nally. T h e p a r a d o x o f g r a c e i s t h a t , o n t h e o n e h a n d , i t i s e a r n e d . I've a l r e a d y m e n t i o n e d a n u m b e r o f r e a s o n s w h y o u r b e c o m i n g blessed by grace is a matter of choice. On the o t h e r h a n d , try a s w e m i g h t t o o b t a i n g r a c e , i t m a y y e t e l u d e u s . I n o t h e r words, we do n o t c o m e to grace; grace c o m e s to us. T h e paradox that we both choose grace a n d are chosen by grace is t h e e s s e n c e o f t h e p h e n o m e n o n o f s e r e n d i p i t y , w h i c h was d e f i n e d a s " t h e gift o f f i n d i n g v a l u a b l e o r a g r e e a b l e t h i n g s n o t s o u g h t for." B u d d h a f o u n d e n l i g h t e n m e n t o n l y w h e n h e s t o p p e d s e e k i n g i t — w h e n h e let i t c o m e t o h i m . But w h o c a n d o u b t that e n l i g h t e n m e n t c a m e t o h i m precisely because h e h a d d e v o t e d a t l e a s t s i x t e e n y e a r s o f h i s life t o s e e k i n g it, s i x t e e n y e a r s i n p r e p a r a t i o n ? H e h a d b o t h t o s e e k i t a n d n o t s e e k it. I've o f t e n b e e n a s k e d i f I h a v e h a d a n y e x p e r i e n c e s o f g r a c e s i n c e I w r o t e The Road Less Traveled t w e n t y y e a r s a g o . I n -

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d e e d , they j u s t g o o n a n d on. A n d while hardly t h e m o s t r e c e n t example, there is o n e that is particularly m e m o r a b l e . Approxim a t e l y e i g h t y e a r s a g o , I was o n m y way t o a s p e a k i n g e n g a g e m e n t i n M i n n e a p o l i s . Flying t i m e was t h e n v e r y p r e c i o u s t o m e , b e c a u s e t h a t was w h e n I g o t t o d o t h e m a j o r i t y o f m y w r i t i n g . S o I always c a r r i e d a yellow legal p a d w i t h m e . B e c a u s e I am shy, I u s u a l l y d o n o t like t o talk t o t h e p e r s o n n e x t t o m e , p a r t i c u l a r l y if he is intoxicated. So even w h e n I am n o t writing, I m a k e it l o o k as if I am to p r o t e c t my privacy. O n this p a r t i c u l a r m o r n i n g , w h e n I g o t o n t h e p l a n e i n H a r t f o r d , m y s e a t m a t e , w h o was q u i t e s o b e r , was a m a n i n h i s early forties. I gave h i m my u s u a l n o n v e r b a l m e s s a g e s t h a t I d i d n ' t w a n t t o talk t o h i m , a n d was d e l i g h t e d t o s e e h i m give m e e q u a l l y s t r o n g n o n v e r b a l m e s s a g e s t h a t h e d i d n ' t w a n t t o talk t o m e e i t h e r . S o w e sat t h e r e i n s i l e n c e t o g e t h e r , I w i t h m y yellow p a d a n d h e r e a d i n g a n o v e l , f o r a n h o u r - l o n g flight t o Buffalo. T h e n w e silently g o t off t h e a i r p l a n e t o g e t h e r a n d silently s h a r e d t h e s a m e w a i t i n g r o o m i n Buffalo f o r a n h o u r - l o n g layover. T h e n w e silently g o t b a c k o n t h e a i r p l a n e t o g e t h e r . I t was n o t u n t i l forty-five m i n u t e s e a s t o f Buffalo a n d w e s t o f M i n neapolis that the first words passed between us when, o u t of a literally a s well a s f i g u r a t i v e l y c l e a r b l u e sky, this m a n l o o k e d u p f r o m t h e n o v e l h e was r e a d i n g a n d said, " I h a t e t o b o t h e r y o u , b u t you d o n ' t h a p p e n , by any chance, to know the m e a n i n g of the w o r d 'serendipity,' do you?" I r e s p o n d e d t h a t as far as I k n e w I was t h e o n l y p e r s o n w h o h a d written a substantial p o r t i o n of a b o o k on t h e subject, a n d t h a t i t was p e r h a p s s e r e n d i p i t y t h a t a t t h e p r e c i s e m o m e n t h e wanted to know the meaning of the word, he h a p p e n e d to be sitting in o u t e r space n e x t to an authority on t h e subject. ( T h i n k of t h e improbability of t h a t o c c u r r e n c e ! Also k e e p in m i n d that I have defined grace in terms of occurrences that are n o t o n l y statistically h i g h l y i m p r o b a b l e b u t also h a v e b e n e f i c i a l outcomes.) W h e n that sort of thing h a p p e n s , sometimes even I have to p u t away m y yellow p a d , a n d t h e two o f u s b e g a n t o talk. H e asked m e what t h e b o o k that h a d s o m e t h i n g t o d o with

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s e r e n d i p i t y was a b o u t . I t o l d h i m t h a t i t was a k i n d of i n t e g r a t i o n o f p s y c h o l o g y a n d r e l i g i o n . "Well, I d o n ' t k n o w a b o u t relig i o n a n y m o r e , " m y s e a t m a t e said, a n d t o l d m e t h a t h e was a n I o w a boy, b o r n a n d b r e d — b o r n i n t o t h e M e t h o d i s t C h u r c h a n d s u s t a i n e d b y i t f o r d e c a d e s . P e r h a p s b e c a u s e I l o o k e d like t h e k i n d o f p e r s o n h e c o u l d talk t o , a n d c e r t a i n l y a p e r s o n h e w o u l d n e v e r h a v e t o s e e a g a i n , h e w e n t o n t o tell m e , " I ' m n o t s u r e t h a t I b u y this virgin b i r t h bit a n y m o r e . To be perfectly h o n e s t , I e v e n h a v e s o m e q u e s t i o n s a b o u t t h e r e s u r r e c t i o n . S o I ' m feeli n g k i n d o f b a d a b o u t it, b e c a u s e i t l o o k s like I ' m g o i n g t o h a v e t o leave t h e c h u r c h . " I n r e s p o n s e , I b e g a n t o talk a b o u t t h e h e a l t h i n e s s o f s k e p ticism a n d d o u b t . I t o l d h i m t h a t in The Road Less Traveled I h a d w r i t t e n , " T h e p a t h t o h o l i n e s s lies t h r o u g h q u e s t i o n i n g everyt h i n g . " A n d I e x p l a i n e d h o w s u c h q u e s t i o n i n g was n e c e s s a r y f o r s o m e o n e t o m o v e f r o m a h a n d - m e - d o w n r e l i g i o n t o a fully m a ture, personal o n e . W h e n we parted at the Minneapolis airport, m y s e a t m a t e said, " I d o n ' t h a v e t h e f o g g i e s t i d e a w h a t all o f t h i s m e a n s , b u t m a y b e I d o n ' t h a v e t o leave t h e c h u r c h after all."

REVELATION I believe that t h e radical h e a l i n g influence of grace is m a n i f e s t e d t o u s n o t o n l y t h r o u g h s u c h wildly i m p r o b a b l e c i r c u m s t a n c e s b u t also t h r o u g h r e v e l a t i o n . W h e n e v e r s o m e t h i n g h a p p e n s that is beyond coincidence, the chances are great that t h e h a n d of G o d is at work. But d o e s G o d actually ever directly s p e a k t o u s o r r e v e a l H i m s e l f t o us? T h e a n s w e r i s yes. T h e m o s t c o m m o n way i s t h r o u g h H e r "still, s m a l l v o i c e . " You m a y r e c a l l m y s t o r y a b o u t a f r i e n d o f m i n e — a w o m a n i n h e r t h i r t i e s — w h o w e n t r u n n i n g o n e m o r n i n g j u s t a s s h e was p r e p a r i n g t o leave h o m e t o g o t o work. S h e h a d n ' t p l a n n e d t o r u n , b u t c o u l d n o t s h a k e t h a t still, s m a l l v o i c e u r g i n g h e r t o d o so. As a result of following t h e g u i d a n c e of t h a t voice a n d t h e h e a l i n g o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e , w h e n s h e r e c o u n t e d i t t o m e a few days l a t e r s h e e x c l a i m e d w i t h e x h i l a r a t i o n , "To t h i n k t h a t t h e

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Creator of the whole universe would take time o u t to go runn i n g with m e ! " M y c l e a r e s t , r e c e n t e n c o u n t e r w i t h G o d ' s still, s m a l l v o i c e o c c u r r e d i n e a r l y fall 1 9 9 5 , after I h a d c o m p l e t e d t h e first d r a f t of my n o v e l In Heaven as on Earth a n d it h a d b e e n a c c e p t e d f o r p u b l i c a t i o n . T h e m o m e n t f o r r e w r i t i n g was u p o n m e , a n d I h a d a p r o b l e m . I n t h e first draft, I h a d u s e d myself a s t h e m a i n c h a r a c t e r a n d I was c e r t a i n this n e e d e d t o b e c h a n g e d i n t h e s e c o n d draft. F o r t h e r e w r i t i n g I n e e d e d t o s t e p o u t s i d e myself a n d o t h e r w i s e i m p r o v e t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f t h e c h a r a c t e r . Yet I've n e v e r b e e n very g o o d a t s t e p p i n g o u t s i d e myself. M o r e o v e r , t h e n a ture of the plot d e m a n d e d that the main character be a m a n v e r y m u c h like m e — s p e c i f i c a l l y , s o m e o n e w h o was a n i n t e l l e c tual with psychiatric t r a i n i n g a n d an a m a t e u r t h e o l o g i a n to b o o t . I t was a p r o b l e m , i n d e e d , a n d I h a d n o t t h e f a i n t e s t i d e a h o w t o solve it. I t was a t this p o i n t o n e a f t e r n o o n , w h e n I was w o r k i n g o n s o m e t h i n g else a n d m y p r o b l e m was o n t h e b a c k b u r n e r , t h a t I h e a r d a still, s m a l l v o i c e say, " R e a d t h e B o o k of D a n i e l . " I s h o o k m y h e a d slightly. I k n e w t h a t t h e B o o k o f D a n i e l was i n t h e O l d T e s t a m e n t . A n d like a l m o s t every s c h o o l c h i l d , I k n e w t h a t D a n i e l was a p r o p h e t w h o f o r s o m e r e a s o n h a d b e e n t h r o w n i n t o t h e l i o n s ' d e n a n d h a d m a n a g e d b y G o d ' s g r a c e t o survive. Beyond that I knew n o t h i n g . I h a d never read the Book of Daniel. I h a d never h a d any i n t e n t i o n to, a n d I h a d absolutely n o i d e a w h y this v o i c e s h o u l d b e t e l l i n g m e t o r e a d it. I s h o o k my h e a d a n d r e t u r n e d to dictating letters. T h e n e x t a f t e r n o o n , while s e a r c h i n g for s o m e p a p e r s i n m y wife's office, t h e v o i c e c a m e b a c k . " R e a d t h e B o o k o f Daniel," it repeated. This time I did not shake my head. Somew h a t e x p e r i e n c e d with t h e Holy Spirit's capacity for persistence, I recognized that G o d might be n u d g i n g me toward s o m e t h i n g , a l t h o u g h G o d o n l y k n e w w h a t o r why. Still, I was i n no hurry. A t n o o n t h e f o l l o w i n g day, w h i l e I was t a k i n g m y daily walk, t h e v o i c e c a m e b a c k , e v e n m o r e i n s i s t e n t : "Scotty, when a r e y o u g o i n g to r e a d t h e B o o k of Daniel?" it asked. So, as s o o n as I re-

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t u r n e d , h a v i n g n o t h i n g m o r e clearly p r e s s i n g t o d o , I p u l l e d o u t o n e o f o u r Bibles a n d r e a d t h e B o o k o f D a n i e l . I l e a r n e d m a n y things. B u t t h e m o s t useful t h i n g for m e a t t h a t m o m e n t was t h e r e a l i z a t i o n t h a t t h e r e w e r e d r a m a t i c p a r a l l e l s b e t w e e n D a n i e l a n d myself. A l t h o u g h far t h e m o r e c o u r a g e o u s , faithful, a n d n o b l e , h e , t o o , was clearly a n i n t e l l e c t u a l . A s a n i n t e r p r e t e r o f d r e a m s h e b e c a m e s o m e t h i n g o f a p s y c h i a t r i s t , a n d later, a s a p r o p h e t , s o m e t h i n g o f a t h e o l o g i a n . S o i t was t h a t m y o w n life h a d e v o l v e d , a n d i t q u i c k l y d a w n e d o n m e t h a t I h a d t h e solution to my problem: henceforth the central character of my n o v e l w o u l d b e a D a n i e l , n o t Scotty. A n d b o t h t h e s i m i l a r i t i e s a n d t h e d i f f e r e n c e s b e t w e e n u s a l l o w e d m e t o s t e p o u t s i d e myself i n a m y r i a d o f little ways t o m a k e t h a t c h a r a c t e r b e l i e v a b l e . T h i s e x a m p l e o f G o d ' s n u r t u r a n c e o f m e i s all t h e m o r e r e m a r k a b l e given t h a t I am n o t only a p o o r scholar in g e n e r a l b u t a p a r t i c u l a r l y p o o r s t u d e n t o f t h e B i b l e . A s far a s t h e N e w Test a m e n t i s c o n c e r n e d , I've n e v e r b e e n a b l e t o g e t t h r o u g h R e v e l a t i o n a n d I've h a d h a r d s l e d d i n g w i t h t h e L e t t e r s . A s f o r t h e O l d T e s t a m e n t , I've s i m p l y n o t r e a d m u c h o f it. A n d a s w i t h t h e B o o k o f D a n i e l , I've n o t m u c h c a r e d t o . W h a t i s t o b e m a d e o f this sort of p h e n o m e n o n ? M a n y w h o have written a b o u t creativity w i t h o u t m e n t i o n i n g G o d h a v e o f f e r e d e x a m p l e s o f h o w t h e s o l u t i o n t o a difficult p r o b l e m c a n s u d d e n l y c o m e t o s o m e o n e w h e n s h e i s n o t actively t h i n k i n g a b o u t it. B u t i n t h e s e e x amples, the solution is immediately recognized a n d welcomed. I t i s n o t e x p e r i e n c e d a s c o m i n g f r o m o u t s i d e oneself. Yet h e r e I r e c e i v e d n o t a s o l u t i o n t o m y p r o b l e m b u t t h e gift o f a p a t h t o t h e s o l u t i o n . T h e gift m a d e n o s e n s e t o m e ; I was u n a w a r e t h a t i t h a d a n y r e l a t i o n t o m y p r o b l e m . I t was a p a t h I w o u l d n o t ord i n a r i l y h a v e f o l l o w e d . I d i d n o t w e l c o m e it. I n d e e d , m y f i r s t r e a c t i o n was t o r e j e c t t h e gift b e c a u s e i t s e e m e d s o a l i e n t o m y ego. A s p r o b l e m s g o , m i n e was n o t h u g e . A m I s u g g e s t i n g t h a t G o d w o u l d g o o u t o f H e r way t o h e l p m e w i t h s u c h a relatively s m a l l p r o b l e m ? Yes, t h a t i s e x a c t l y w h a t I a m s u g g e s t i n g . W h y G o d s h o u l d c a r e a b o u t m e s o m u c h , I d o n o t really know. B u t m i l l i o n s h a v e r e p o r t e d e x p e r i e n c e s s u c h a s I've d e s c r i b e d . A n d

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for m e , t h e s e sorts of e x p e r i e n c e s of grace a n d revelation a r e e v i d e n c e n o t o n l y o f t h e e x i s t e n c e o f G o d b u t also o f t h e fact t h a t S h e n u r t u r e s u s o n a n o n g o i n g basis. T o e x p e r i e n c e H e r "still, s m a l l v o i c e " i s a s t r a n g e p h e n o m e n o n . It is n o t in t h e least a great, b o o m i n g , m a s c u l i n e voice f r o m h e a v e n . A s t h e B i b l e p u t s it, t h e v o i c e i s i n d e e d "still" a n d " s m a l l " — s o small a n d s m a l l it is h a r d l y a v o i c e at all. It s e e m s to o r i g i n a t e inside o f u s a n d for m a n y may b e indistinguishable from a t h o u g h t . Only it is n o t their own t h o u g h t . N o w o n d e r m a n y feel s o c o n f u s e d a b o u t d i s c e r n i n g revelat i o n s . T h e c l o s e n e s s b e t w e e n this " v o i c e " a n d a n o r d i n a r y t h o u g h t calls f o r a w o r d o f c a u t i o n . O n e w o u l d b e ill-advised t o g o a r o u n d a s c r i b i n g all o r m o s t o f o n e ' s t h o u g h t s t o b e t h e w o r d o f G o d . T h a t c a n q u i c k l y l e a d t o insanity. B u t t h e r e a r e s o m e g u i d e l i n e s f o r d i s c e r n m e n t . First, it's i m p o r t a n t t o t a k e t i m e ( u n l e s s y o u a r e i n a n e m e r g e n c y s i t u a t i o n ) t o "reality-test" w h e t h e r w h a t you h e a r m i g h t b e t h e voice o f t h e Holy Spirit o r m e r e l y y o u r o w n t h o u g h t . A n d y o u will h a v e t h a t t i m e . I n d e e d , i f y o u d i s r e g a r d t h e v o i c e a t f i r s t , i t will a l m o s t always r e p e a t itself, a s d i d t h e u r g i n g t o r e a d D a n i e l . S e c o n d , this v o i c e o f t h e H o l y S p i r i t ( o r C o m f o r t e r , a s J e s u s c a l l e d it) i s always c o n s t r u c tive, n e v e r d e s t r u c t i v e . I t m a y call u p o n y o u t o d o s o m e t h i n g d i f f e r e n t , a n d t h a t m a y feel slightly risky, b u t i t w o n ' t b e a m a j o r risk. I f y o u h e a r a v o i c e t e l l i n g y o u t o kill yourself, t o c h e a t o r steal, or to b l o w all y o u r life savings on a y a c h t , g e t y o u r s e l f to a psychiatrist. O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , t h e v o i c e will u s u a l l y s e e m j u s t a little b i t "crazy." T h i s i s w h a t d i s t i n g u i s h e s i t f r o m y o u r o w n t h o u g h t . T h e r e is a faintly a l i e n q u a l i t y to it, as if it c a m e f r o m e l s e w h e r e (which it d o e s ) . This is inevitable. T h e Holy Spirit d o e s n ' t n e e d t o s p e a k t o u s t o tell u s s o m e t h i n g w e a l r e a d y k n o w o r t o p u s h u s i n ways w e d o n ' t n e e d t o b e p u s h e d . I t c o m e s t o u s w i t h s o m e thing new and unexpected—to open us up and therefore, by definition, to gently b r e a k t h r o u g h o u r existing b o u n d a r i e s a n d barriers. Consequently, one's usual reaction u p o n first h e a r i n g t h e voice of t h e Holy Spirit is to shake o n e ' s h e a d . O n e o f t h e o t h e r ways G o d s p e a k s t o u s — a t t e m p t s t o n u r -

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ture us—is t h r o u g h s o m e of o u r d r e a m s , particularly those that C a r l J u n g l a b e l e d " b i g d r e a m s . " W h e n I was i n p r a c t i c e , s o m e o f m y p a t i e n t s , a w a r e o f t h e fact t h a t d r e a m s c o u l d c o n t a i n a n swers t o t h e i r p r o b l e m s , avidly s o u g h t t h e s e a n s w e r s b y d e l i b e r ately, m e c h a n i c a l l y , a n d w i t h c o n s i d e r a b l e effort r e c o r d i n g e a c h a n d every o n e of t h e i r d r e a m s in c o m p l e t e detail. B u t t h e r e wasn't e n o u g h time in therapy to analyze m o s t d r e a m s ; besides, I f o u n d that such voluminous d r e a m material could p r e v e n t w o r k i n m o r e fruitful a r e a s o f analysis. S u c h p a t i e n t s h a d t o b e t a u g h t t o s t o p s e a r c h i n g after t h e i r d r e a m s a n d t o l e t their d r e a m s c o m e to t h e m , to let their u n c o n s c i o u s c h o o s e w h i c h d r e a m s s h o u l d e n t e r c o n s c i o u s n e s s . T h i s t e a c h i n g itself was q u i t e difficult, d e m a n d i n g t h a t t h e p a t i e n t give u p a c e r t a i n a m o u n t o f c o n t r o l a n d a s s u m e a m o r e passive r e l a t i o n s h i p t o his o r h e r own m i n d . B u t o n c e a p a t i e n t l e a r n e d t o m a k e n o c o n s c i o u s effort t o c l u t c h a t d r e a m s , t h e r e m e m b e r e d d r e a m m a t e r i a l c o u l d n o t o n l y d e c r e a s e i n q u a n t i t y b u t also d r a m a t i cally i n c r e a s e i n quality. T h e r e s u l t t h e n c o u l d b e a n o p p o r t u nity f o r t h e p a t i e n t ' s d r e a m s — t h e s e gifts f r o m t h e u n c o n s c i o u s n o w n o l o n g e r s o u g h t f o r — t o e l e g a n t l y facilitate t h e h e a l i n g process. I also h a d p a t i e n t s w h o e n t e r e d p s y c h o t h e r a p y w i t h a b solutely n o awareness o r u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e i m m e n s e value t h a t d r e a m s c o u l d h a v e t o t h e m . C o n s e q u e n t l y , t h e y w o u l d disc a r d f r o m c o n s c i o u s n e s s all d r e a m m a t e r i a l a s w o r t h l e s s a n d unimportant. These patients h a d to be taught to r e m e m b e r their d r e a m s a n d t h e n h o w t o a p p r e c i a t e a n d perceive t h e treas u r e w i t h i n t h e m . T o utilize d r e a m s effectively, w e m u s t w o r k t o be aware of their value a n d to take advantage of t h e m w h e n they c o m e to us. A n d we m u s t work s o m e t i m e s at n o t seeking t h e m o r e x p e c t i n g t h e m . W e m u s t l e t t h e m b e t r u e gifts. T h a t i s what J u n g m e a n t by a "big d r e a m . " It is o n e t h a t almost shrieks to us, " R e m e m b e r m e ! " W h y a r e s o m a n y i m m u n e t o t h e e v i d e n c e — t h a t still, s m a l l voice a n d o u r d r e a m s , a m o n g o t h e r t h i n g s — o f grace a n d revelation? I believe t h e r e are two p r i m a r y reasons. O n e is that p e o ple are t h r e a t e n e d by c h a n g e . Most with either a fundamentalist

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o r s e c u l a r m i n d - s e t a r e s i m p l y n o t likely t o b e o p e n t o t h e evid e n c e t h a t c o u l d call t h e i r m i n d - s e t i n t o q u e s t i o n . T h e o t h e r i s that t h e r e is s o m e t h i n g particularly frightening a b o u t seriously a c k n o w l e d g i n g G o d for t h e f i r s t t i m e . W i t h t h e d e t h r o n e m e n t o f o n e ' s e g o i n v o l v e d i n favor o f p u t t i n g G o d i n t h e l e a d o f o u r lives, t h e r e i s a d i s t i n c t loss o f c o n t r o l (as t h e r e was i n c o m i n g t o t e r m s with my own r e c o u n t e d "big d r e a m " of G o d d o i n g t h e driving). F o r m a n y secularists, t h e rejection of any e v i d e n c e of G o d i s n o t s i m p l y a n e u t r a l o r passive s o r t o f p h e n o m e n o n . I t i s c o m m o n t h e s e days t o s p e a k , f o r e x a m p l e , o f a d d i c t s a n d o t h e r s w h o r e j e c t massive e v i d e n c e o f t h e i r p r o b l e m a s b e i n g " i n d e n i a l . " S u c h d e n i a l is a fiercely active p s y c h o l o g i c a l p r o c e s s . In this respect, I believe we can t h i n k of s o m e secularists as b e i n g a d d i c t e d t o t h e i r s e c u l a r i s m . O r f u n d a m e n t a l i s t s t o t h e i r simplism. No a m o u n t of challenging evidence is going to c h a n g e their m i n d s . It isn't simply t h a t they d o n ' t have t h e s a m e access t o G o d a s e v e r y o n e else h a s ; i t i s t h a t t h e y h a v e c h o s e n t o a v o i d a n d d e n y it.

T H E E G O AND THE S O U L I n m a n y ways, t h e a c c e p t a n c e o f a n y e v i d e n c e o f G o d involves a battle b e t w e e n the e g o a n d the soul. Earlier I defined the soul as "a God-created, God-nurtured, unique, developable, immortal h u m a n spirit." E a c h o f t h e s e m o d i f i e r s i s c r u c i a l . O f p a r t i c u lar i m p o r t a n c e is t h a t t h e soul is " G o d - n u r t u r e d , " by w h i c h I m e a n that not only did G o d create us at the m o m e n t of o u r conception but that God, t h r o u g h grace, continues to n u r t u r e u s t h r o u g h o u t o u r lives. I b e l i e v e t h e r e w o u l d b e n o p u r p o s e i n H e r d o i n g s o unless S h e w a n t e d s o m e t h i n g f r o m us: t h e develo p m e n t of o u r souls. B u t h o w a r e souls different from egos? I have previously described the e g o as t h e governing p a r t o f o u r p e r s o n a l i t y . E g o d e v e l o p m e n t — t h e m a t u r a t i o n o f this g o v e r n o r — i s very m u c h r e l a t e d t o t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f o u r consciousness. W h e n p e o p l e speak of s o m e o n e ' s "ego," what is usu-

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ally r e f e r r e d t o i s s o m e o n e ' s self-image, s e l f - p e r c e p t i o n , a n d will. T h i s e n c o m p a s s e s n o t o n l y s o m e p e r s o n a l i t y c h a r a c t e r i s t i c s ( o f t e n o u r m o r e n e g a t i v e a n d d e f e n s i v e o n e s ) b u t also w h a t w e t h i n k a b o u t a n d v a l u e i n life. L i k e t h e s o u l , o u r e g o c a n grow, c h a n g e , a n d d e v e l o p , b u t t h a t d o e s n ' t m e a n i t will. O n e of the biggest differences between the soul a n d the ego is that the ego is closer to the surface of w h o we are or believe o u r s e l v e s t o b e , w h e r e a s t h e s o u l g o e s d e e p e r , t o t h e c o r e o f o u r b e i n g — s o d e e p t h a t w e m a y n o t b e a w a r e o f it. T h i s was t h e case w h e n I m a d e t h e decision to quit Exeter, t h e p r e p s c h o o l I h a d a t t e n d e d f o r two a n d a h a l f y e a r s . I r e c o u n t e d s o m e of t h e d e t a i l s of this s t o r y in a p r e v i o u s c h a p t e r , as I o f t e n have elsewhere, because it m a r k e d the b e g i n n i n g of my enc o u n t e r with my soul. E v e r y o n e h a s a s e n s e of t h e i r o w n "I," a s e n s e of I-dentity. T h i s " I " i s s o m e t i m e s r e f e r r e d t o a s t h e e g o , s o m e t i m e s t h e self. M y e g o w a n t e d t o p l e a s e m y p a r e n t s , t o t o u g h i t o u t a n d follow in my b r o t h e r ' s footsteps in g r a d u a t i n g from Exeter. I h a d w a n t e d t o g o t o E x e t e r . I w a n t e d myself t o s u c c e e d t h e r e . I m o s t definitely d i d n ' t w a n t to be a quitter. But if I d i d n ' t w a n t to quit, t h e n who was d o i n g it? G r a d u a l l y I f o u n d myself u n a b l e o r u n willing t o d o w h a t I t h o u g h t I w a n t e d t o , e v e n t h o u g h i t w a s n ' t c l e a r t o m e w h y a t t h e t i m e . Obviously, s o m e t h i n g was g o i n g o n i n s i d e o f m e t h a t was d i f f e r e n t f r o m w h a t m y W A S P u p b r i n g i n g h a d trained me to want. M o s t p s y c h i a t r i s t s w o u l d s i m p l y say t h a t m y e g o was c o n f l i c t e d . S o m e w o u l d say m o r e specifically t h a t m y e g o was i n c o n f l i c t w i t h m y t r u e self, i m p l y i n g t h a t t h e self i s s o m e h o w larger a n d d e e p e r than the ego. T h e latter explanation I can live w i t h , b u t i t s e e m s t o m e t o b e g t h e q u e s t i o n . W h a t i s this "true s e l f ? W h y d o e s n ' t it get defined? C o u l d it be the soul, a n d i f so, w h y i s n ' t i t i d e n t i f i e d a s s u c h ? A n d w h a t m i g h t b e t h e defi n i t i o n o f t h e soul? S e c u l a r psychiatrists w o u l d say t h a t t h e t r u e s e l f — t h e w h o l e self—is a c o n g l o m e r a t e o f p s y c h i c c o m p o n e n t s : t h e id, e g o , a n d superego; the conscious a n d the unconscious; the genetically determined t e m p e r a m e n t and our accumulated experiential

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l e a r n i n g . No w o n d e r I m i g h t have b e e n in conflict, h a v i n g so m a n y different parts! T h e s e parts are real, a n d can i n d e e d be in c o n f l i c t . M o r e o v e r , effective p s y c h o t h e r a p y c a n b e a c c o m p l i s h e d u s i n g this " c o n g l o m e r a t e " m o d e l . T h e p r o b l e m was t h a t I d i d n ' t feel like a w a l k i n g c o n g l o m e r a t e a t E x e t e r . A n d strangely, t h e o l d e r I g r e w a n d t h e m o r e I r e c o g n i z e d t h e r e a l ity of t h e s e d i f f e r e n t p a r t s of m e , t h e less I felt like a c o n g l o m e r a t e . I felt s o m e t h i n g d e e p e r yet was g o i n g o n , s o m e t h i n g v e r y i m p o r t a n t t h a t s o m e h o w m a d e m e l a r g e r t h a n myself. I h a d c o m e to r e c o g n i z e t h a t I h a d a soul. It's i m p o r t a n t t o b e a r i n m i n d t h a t s o u l s a n d e g o s , b e i n g d i f f e r e n t p h e n o m e n a , n a t u r a l l y o p e r a t e o n d i f f e r e n t levels. Alt h o u g h I believe the distinction between the soul a n d the e g o is b o t h valid a n d i m p o r t a n t , this d o e s n ' t m e a n t h e r e i s n o i n t e r a c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e two. I s t r o n g l y b e l i e v e t h a t a c o n v e r s i o n — c h a n g e a n d g r o w t h — i n t h e s o u l will d r a m a t i c a l l y c h a n g e c e r t a i n ways i n w h i c h t h e e g o f u n c t i o n s , a n d will d o s o f o r t h e b e t t e r . Similarly, I also b e l i e v e t h a t e g o l e a r n i n g will e n c o u r a g e s o u l d e v e l o p m e n t . But exactly h o w the soul a n d e g o interact remains mysterious. Most secularists a c k n o w l e d g e the u n i q u e n e s s of p e r s o n s b u t s e e n o n e e d t o m a k e a n y "mystical" d i s t i n c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e soul a n d t h e ego. "Since everyone has a u n i q u e genetic comp l e m e n t a s well a s t h e i r o w n u n i q u e set o f life e x p e r i e n c e s , " t h e y a r e likely t o say, " n a t u r a l l y e v e r y b o d y ' s e g o i s d i f f e r e n t . " T o t h e c o n t r a r y , t h e r e s e e m s t o m e t o b e a relative s a m e n e s s a m o n g e g o s , w h i l e h u m a n s o u l s a r e u n i q u e . Yet w h i l e I c a n tell y o u a l o t a b o u t t h e e g o , I c a n tell y o u v e r y little a b o u t t h e s o u l . A l t h o u g h egos can be described in general, almost banal terms, the u n i q u e n e s s of each individual's soul c a n n o t be adequately capt u r e d i n w o r d s . T h e s o u l i s o n e ' s t r u e s p i r i t a n d , like G o d , i t i s a spirit too slippery to c a p t u r e . T h e u n i q u e n e s s o f t h e s o u l s h o w s itself m o s t w h e n e v e r s o m e o n e seriously elects a p a t h of psychospiritual g r o w t h for t h e r e m a i n d e r of his or h e r lifetime. It is as if p s y c h o p a t h o l o g y o f t h e e g o i s like m u d , a n d t h e m o r e i t g e t s c l e a r e d away, t h e m o r e t h e s o u l u n d e r n e a t h will s h i n e f o r t h i n glory, i n a d i s t i n c t

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p a t t e r n o f g l o r i o u s c o l o r t h a t c a n b e f o u n d n o w h e r e else o n earth. A n d while I am certain that G o d creates a h u m a n soul d i f f e r e n t l y e a c h a n d e v e r y t i m e , this d o e s n ' t m e a n t h e r e a r e n o unanswerable questions. Nonetheless, however mysterious, the process of soul creation is individualized. T h e u n i q u e n e s s of individual persons is u n d e n i a b l e (except at peril to your own s o u l ) a n d c a n n o t b e e x p l a i n e d b y m e r e p s y c h o l o g y o r biology. T h e s e c u l a r t e n d e n c y t o d e n y t h e s o u l i s also a d e n i a l o f t h e h e a r t . T h e r e i s a self-fulfilling q u a l i t y i n s e c u l a r i s m ; t h e t h i n k i n g g o e s : " S i n c e G o d d o e s n ' t exist, I will d i s c o u n t a n y evid e n c e that hints at God." It is hardly surprising, then, that those i n d i v i d u a l s w h o a r e c u t off f r o m a s e n s e o f t h e i r o w n s o u l a r e also q u i c k t o d i s m i s s t h e h u m a n h e a r t . W h e n t h e r e ' s a l a c k o f i n t e g r a t i o n o f o n e ' s f e e l i n g s a n d t h i n k i n g — a d i s t r u s t o f feelings—the result is often the denial of one's own heart. T h e c a s e of T h e o d o r e in The Road Less Traveled was an exa m p l e . In t h e c o u r s e of his t r e a t m e n t , I asked h i m to listen to Neil D i a m o n d ' s s o u n d t r a c k for " J o n a t h a n Livingston Seagull." It is a p r o f o u n d l y spiritual work of music, a n d I h a d h o p e d it w o u l d n u d g e T h e o d o r e a bit in t h e direction of spiritual g r o w t h . B u t h e c o u l d n ' t s t a n d it. H e c a l l e d t h e m u s i c "disgustingly s e n t i m e n t a l , " w o r d s w h i c h , I b e l i e v e , r e v e a l e d h i s rejection of his own h e a r t at the time. I r e c o g n i z e t h a t n o t e v e r y o n e will h a v e t h e s a m e e x p e r i e n c e or s t r o n g reaction to songs I find soul-stirring. But at t h e very least, i f s o m e o n e i s i n t o u c h w i t h h i s o w n h e a r t , h e will m a k e s o m e r o o m f o r s e n t i m e n t a l i t y , will h a v e a soft s p o t f o r t h e things t h a t m a t t e r m o s t t o h i m . For t h o s e w h o a r e spiritually oriented, t h e body, m i n d , a n d h e a r t are viewed as integral parts of their whole being. They are n o t a s h a m e d to be "softhearted"; o n t h e c o n t r a r y , t h e y w o r r y m o s t d u r i n g t h o s e t i m e s w h e n circumstances seem to d e m a n d that they be coldhearted. I h a v e w r i t t e n t h a t this d i v o r c e b e t w e e n t h e h e a d a n d heart, b e t w e e n intellect a n d e m o t i o n , is a c o m m o n spiritual condition a m o n g sophisticated twentieth-century m e n a n d w o m e n . I have f o u n d m a n y p e o p l e , for e x a m p l e , to be Christians in their hearts while they are simultaneously intellectual

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a t h e i s t s ; s o m e t i m e s it is t h e o t h e r way a r o u n d . It is t r u l y a pity. T h e former p e o p l e — m a n y of w h o m are generous, gentle, honest, a n d d e d i c a t e d t o t h e i r fellow h u m a n b e i n g s — a r e o f t e n f i l l e d w i t h d e s p a i r , f i n d i n g little m e a n i n g i n e x i s t e n c e a n d a t t h e s a m e t i m e d e n y i n g t h e j o y f u l o r s o o t h i n g voices o f t h e i r heart, labeling the heart's messages sentimental, unrealistic, or c h i l d i s h . L a c k i n g faith i n t h e i r i n n e r m o s t selves, t h e y a r e h u r t ing unnecessarily. T h e deepest healing occurs not in the mind, but in the h e a r t or soul. A n d if t h e h e a r t is " h a r d e n e d , " no words can p e n e t r a t e it. C o n v e r s e l y , w h e n o n e h a s u n d e r g o n e w h a t t h e p i t h y O l d T e s t a m e n t Jews called a circumcision of t h e h e a r t , t h e reality o f G o d ' s h e a l i n g p r e s e n c e i n o u r l i v e s — a n d t h e r e s t o f t h e w o r l d — b e c o m e s less difficult t o a c k n o w l e d g e .

KENOSIS W h e n I w r o t e in The Road Less Traveled t h a t t h e p u r p o s e of g r o w t h was f o r u s t o b e c o m e m o r e c o n s c i o u s a n d , i n t u r n , evolve, I s u g g e s t e d t h a t this e v o l u t i o n a r y p a t h i n h u m a n life points directly to God. G o d wants us to learn a n d develop in t h i s life a n d , I b e l i e v e , a c t u a l l y n u r t u r e s u s i n d o i n g s o . B u t w h e n I w e n t o n t o s u g g e s t t h a t G o d u l t i m a t e l y w a n t s u s t o evolve toward becoming God—like God—that statement caused a great deal of theological indigestion. It s e e m e d to be a potentially S a t a n i c n o t i o n . A f t e r all, d i d n o t S a t a n t h i n k h e c o u l d b e like G o d o r a s g o o d a s G o d ? I c o u l d have p r e v e n t e d m u c h of this indigestion h a d I g o n e o n t o write a b o u t t h e great p a r a d o x involved. T h e parad o x i s t h a t w e o u r s e l v e s c a n n o t b e c o m e like G o d e x c e p t b y b u m p i n g o u r s e l v e s off, e x c e p t t h r o u g h t h e h u m i l i t y o f e m p t i ness. T h e r e is an i m p o r t a n t w o r d in theology for this e n d e a v o r : k e n o s i s , w h i c h i s t h e p r o c e s s o f t h e self e m p t y i n g itself o f self. I t i s t h e e s s e n c e o f t h e m e s s a g e o f t h e g r e a t s p i r i t u a l m a s t e r s , like B u d d h a a n d C h r i s t , t h r o u g h o u t h u m a n history. W e n e e d t o p a r e away o u r e g o s . T h e p a r a d o x t h a t " W h o s o e v e r will l o s e h i s

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life f o r M y s a k e shall f i n d it" c a n b e p a r a p h r a s e d a s " W h o e v e r i s willing t o l o s e h i s e g o will f i n d h i s s o u l . " T h e i m a g e u s e d in Christianity for t h e goal of t h e k e n o t i c p r o c e s s i s t h a t o f t h e e m p t y vessel. W e n e e d t o r e t a i n e n o u g h o f o u r e g o — t h e g o v e r n i n g p a r t of o u r personality—to be a funct i o n i n g c o n t a i n e r . O t h e r w i s e , w e w o u l d h a v e n o i d e n t i t y a t all. Beyond that, however, the whole p o i n t of spiritual growth is to g e t r i d o f o u r e g o sufficiently t o b e c o m e e m p t y e n o u g h t o b e f i l l e d w i t h G o d ' s Spirit, w i t h o u r t r u e s o u l . T h a t this i s p o s s i b l e was e x p r e s s e d b y St. P a u l w h e n h e said, " I live n o w n o t w i t h m y o w n life b u t t h e life o f C h r i s t J e s u s living i n m e . " S o w e h a v e r e t u r n e d o n c e a g a i n t o this c r u c i a l m a t t e r o f e m p t i n e s s . I t will b e r e m e m b e r e d t h a t I s p o k e o f i t a s t h e key t o t h e u n l e a r n i n g a n d r e l e a r n i n g t h a t w e m u s t g o t h r o u g h all o u r lives i f w e a r e t o g r o w a n d t o b e c o m e a s h e a l e d a n d fully h u m a n a s p o s s i b l e . I t will also b e r e m e m b e r e d t h a t I s p o k e o f h o w m u c h this u n l e a r n i n g feels like d y i n g . I n y e a r s p a s t , m o n k s a n d n u n s routinely e n g a g e d in a practice called mortification. T h e w o r d i s d e r i v e d f r o m t h e L a t i n mortis, " d e a t h , " a n d m e a n s " t h e d i s c i p l i n e o f daily d y i n g . " W h i l e t h e y m a y h a v e o v e r d o n e i t w i t h self-flagellation a n d t h e w e a r i n g o f h a i r s h i r t s , n o n e t h e l e s s t h e y w e r e o n t o s o m e t h i n g . T h r o u g h m o r t i f i c a t i o n , t h e y w e r e att e m p t i n g to practice kenosis. I h a v e a l s o r e f e r r e d t o t h e fact t h a t n o t o n l y i n d i v i d u a l s b u t also g r o u p s n e e d t o g o t h r o u g h t h i s k e n o t i c p r o c e s s o f selfe m p t y i n g i n o r d e r t o b e c o m e a n d stay h e a l t h y . I n o t e d t h a t t h e c r u c i a l s t a g e o f t h e c o m m u n i t y - b u i l d i n g p r o c e s s w e h a v e lab e l e d " e m p t i n e s s . " N o w i t i s t i m e t o d e s c r i b e all t h e s t a g e s o f growth that routinely occur w h e n groups deliberately attempt to form themselves into communities.

Pseudocommunity In o r d e r to avoid t h e p a i n of u n l e a r n i n g a n d c h a n g e , w h e n groups assemble to form community, they first attempt to pret e n d t h a t they already a r e a c o m m u n i t y . T h e basic p r e t e n s e is t h a t all t h e m e m b e r s a r e t h e s a m e , a p r e t e n s e t h a t i s s u s t a i n e d

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b y t h e p r a c t i c e o f a n u n w r i t t e n set o f r u l e s t h a t e v e r y o n e k n o w s : g o o d m a n n e r s . I n this s t a g e , t h e m e m b e r s a r e e x q u i s i t e l y p o l i t e to e a c h o t h e r in o r d e r to avoid any d i s a g r e e m e n t in their desire t o d e n y t h e i r i n d i v i d u a l d i f f e r e n c e s . B u t t h e reality i s t h a t p e o p l e , w i t h t h e i r u n i q u e s o u l s a s well a s e g o s , a r e all d i f f e r e n t , w h i c h i s w h y w e call this p r e t e n s e o f s a m e n e s s p s e u d o c o m m u nity.

Chaos O n c e i n d i v i d u a l d i f f e r e n c e s a r e a l l o w e d (or, a s i n t h e c o m m u nity-building process, e n c o u r a g e d ) to surface, t h e g r o u p goes a b o u t t h e business of trying to obliterate those differences. T h e p r i m a r y m e t h o d u s e d i s " h e a l i n g , " "fixing," o r " c o n v e r t i n g . " B u t p e o p l e d o n o t like t o b e easily h e a l e d o r f i x e d , s o i n a s h o r t t i m e t h e victims t u r n a r o u n d a n d start t r y i n g t o h e a l t h e s e l f - a p p o i n t e d h e a l e r s a n d t o c o n v e r t t h e s e l f - a p p o i n t e d c o n v e r t e r s . I t i s glorio u s c h a o s . I t i s also noisy, a r g u m e n t a t i v e , a n d u n p r o d u c t i v e . N o o n e i s l i s t e n i n g t o a n y o n e else.

Emptiness T h e r e a r e o n l y t h r e e ways o u t o f c h a o s . O n e i s t o r e v e r t t o a n even m o r e p r o f o u n d pseudocommunity. A n o t h e r is to organize away c h a o s b y c r e a t i n g c o m m i t t e e s a n d s u b c o m m i t t e e s ; b u t s u c h o r g a n i z a t i o n i s n e v e r i n a n d o f itself " c o m m u n i t y . " T h e t h i r d way, w e tell g r o u p s , i s " i n t o a n d t h r o u g h e m p t i n e s s . " I f a sufficient n u m b e r o f t h e m e m b e r s o f t h e g r o u p h e a r us, w h a t t h e n b e g i n s to h a p p e n is a very painful, g r a d u a l process of t h e m e m b e r s emptying themselves of the barriers to c o m m u n i c a tion. T h e most c o m m o n barriers include expectations, preconceptions, prejudices, rigidity of ideology or theology, a n d t h e n e e d s t o h e a l , c o n v e r t , f i x , o r solve. A s t h e g r o u p e n t e r s this s t a g e o f e m p t i n e s s — t h e m o s t critical s t a g e o f its l e a r n i n g — i t l o o k s very m u c h like a n o r g a n i s m t h a t h a s totally lost its way. I n d e e d , t h e f e e l i n g i s like d y i n g . T h i s i s t h e t i m e o f k e n o s i s . B u t if t h e g r o u p can h a n g in t h e r e t o g e t h e r — a s , amazingly, occurs

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a l m o s t all t h e t i m e w i t h p r o p e r l e a d e r s h i p — t h i s w o r k o f k e n o sis o r d y i n g will s u c c e e d , a n d f r o m i t r e n e w a l will e m e r g e .

Community W h e n a group's death has b e e n completed a n d it is o p e n a n d e m p t y , i t e n t e r s c o m m u n i t y . I n t h i s f i n a l s t a g e a soft q u i e t n e s s descends. It is a kind of peace, often p r e c e d e d a n d followed by an a b u n d a n c e of individual expressions of personal experie n c e s a n d e m o t i o n s , t e a r s o f s a d n e s s a n d t e a r s o f joy. T h i s i s when an extraordinary a m o u n t of healing and converting begins to o c c u r — n o w that no o n e is deliberately trying to convert or heal. F r o m this p o i n t , t r u e c o m m u n i t y is b o r n . N o t e v e r y g r o u p t h a t b e c o m e s a c o m m u n i t y follows t h i s p a r a d i g m exactly. C o m m u n i t i e s t h a t t e m p o r a r i l y f o r m i n r e s p o n s e t o crisis, f o r e x a m p l e , m a y s k i p o v e r o n e o r m o r e s t a g e s for t h e t i m e b e i n g . A n d a l t h o u g h I have s p o k e n glowingly of the virtues of c o m m u n i t y w h e n barriers to c o m m u n i c a t i o n are finally t r a n s c e n d e d , this d o e s n o t by any m e a n s suggest t h a t it is n o w all easy. O n c e c o m m u n i t y i s a c h i e v e d , d e p e n d i n g o n a g r o u p ' s g o a l s a n d tasks, m a i n t a i n i n g i t will b e c o m e a n o n g o i n g challenge. But the experience of having grown from emptiness leaves a l a s t i n g i m p r i n t . A n d t h e m o s t c o m m o n e m o t i o n a l r e s p o n s e t o t h e s p i r i t o f t r u e c o m m u n i t y i s j o y a n d love.

PRAYER AND FAITH Everyone prays. T h e m o s t d i e h a r d secularists pray i n m o m e n t s o f a g o n y o r ecstasy, e v e n i f t h e y a r e n o t a w a r e o f it. Instinctively, t h e y will c r y o u t d u r i n g o r g a s m : " O h , G o d ! " o r " O h , C h r i s t ! " Similarly, w h e n t h e y a r e lying i n b e d r a c k e d w i t h t h e flu, e v e r y b o n e a c h i n g , t h e y a r e likely t o m o a n , " O h , G o d . " O r t h e i r t h o u g h t s t u r n to G o d in m o m e n t s of terror, a p h e n o m e n o n t h a t has led to t h e f a m o u s saying " T h e r e are no atheists in t h e foxholes." O n e o f t h e differences b e t w e e n secularists a n d those of religious or spiritual p e r s u a s i o n is t h a t we (the latter) occa-

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sionally t h i n k a b o u t G o d d u r i n g t h e 9 9 . 5 p e r c e n t o f t h e t i m e w h e n w e ' r e n o t i n a g o n y o r ecstasy. But what is prayer? T i m e a n d again I must p o i n t o u t to peop l e t h a t t h e r e a r e m a n y t h i n g s i n life, s u c h a s c o n s c i o u s n e s s , c o m m u n i t y , love, a n d s o u l — a l l o f w h i c h h a v e s o m e t h i n g t o d o with G o d — t h a t are too large to s u b m i t to any single, a d e q u a t e definition. P e o p l e have b e e n p r a y i n g for millennia, a n d o n e w o u l d t h i n k t h a t t h e o l o g i a n s w o u l d h a v e a r r i v e d a t a fully a d e q u a t e definition of prayer, b u t they have not. Most p e o p l e think of prayer as simply "speaking to God." T h i s d e f i n i t i o n i s n o t all t h a t b a d a s l o n g a s w e r e a l i z e t h a t t h e r e a r e i n n u m e r a b l e ways o f s p e a k i n g t o G o d . H e n c e , s u c h p r a y e r c a n b e d i v i d e d i n t o m a n y types: g r o u p p r a y e r a n d i n d i v i d u a l prayer; formal a n d informal prayer; prayers of praise a n d adoration a n d gratitude; prayers of r e p e n t a n c e a n d forgiveness; pet i t i o n a r y p r a y e r s f o r o t h e r s o r f o r oneself, a n d s o o n . I w o u l d also classify m e d i t a t i o n a s p r a y e r , a n d a g a i n t h e r e a r e m a n y k i n d s o f m e d i t a t i o n . W h i l e n o t all k i n d s w o u l d b e d e f i n e d a s self-emptying, I believe t h e best forms of m e d i t a t i o n a r e those w h e n we deliberately quiet a n d e m p t y ourselves in o r d e r to be a b l e t o l i s t e n t o G o d o r for G o d . T h i s d o e s n ' t m e a n t h a t G o d will a n s w e r . S p i r i t u a l e x p e r i e n c e s a r e a c t u a l l y u n l i k e l y t o h a p p e n to o n e w h e n praying, b u t m a n y of us have a sense that an active p r a y e r life i n c r e a s e s t h e c h a n c e s o f h a v i n g — a n d identifying—spiritual experiences at o t h e r times. T h e n t h e r e i s t h e m a t t e r o f t h i n k i n g a n d its r e l a t i o n s h i p t o p r a y e r . T h i n k i n g well c a n a n d d o e s m e r g e i n t o p r a y e r . Alt h o u g h n o t w h o l l y a d e q u a t e , m y favorite d e f i n i t i o n o f p r a y e r — o n e that d o e s n ' t even m e n t i o n God—is that of Matthew Fox. As I m e n t i o n e d m u c h earlier, F o x defines p r a y e r as "a radical res p o n s e t o t h e m y s t e r i e s o f life." M o s t o f m y t i m e a t p r a y e r , I a m n o t so m u c h talking to G o d or listening to G o d as I am just thinking, b u t d o i n g so with G o d in m i n d . Before I can r e s p o n d radically t o t h e m y s t e r i e s o f life, I f i r s t h a v e t o t h i n k a b o u t t h e m d e e p l y , a s well a s t h i n k a b o u t t h e m y s t e r i e s o f m y o w n life a n d the whole range of potential options of response to them. " G o d , I w o n d e r h o w this l o o k s to Y o u . . . t h r o u g h Y o u r eyes?" I

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am p o n d e r i n g . This type of prayer is often r e f e r r e d to as contemplative prayer. A n d usually it is wordless. O n e of t h e reasons I like F o x ' s d e f i n i t i o n s o m u c h i s its i m p l i c a t i o n t h a t p r a y e r ult i m a t e l y n e e d s t o b e t r a n s l a t e d i n t o a c t i o n , b u t I myself f i n d I c a n n o t a c t well e x c e p t o u t o f c o n t e m p l a t i o n . T h e r e is great virtue in r o u t i n e prayer. A l t h o u g h I am a C h r i s t i a n , I b e l i e v e all t h e o t h e r g r e a t r e l i g i o n s h a v e s o m e k e r n e l o f t r u t h t h a t C h r i s t i a n i t y m a y lack, a n d h e n c e s o m e ways o f d o i n g i t b e t t e r . T h e little b i t o f I s l a m i c t h e o l o g y I h a v e r e a d seems to c o n t a i n t h e w o r d " r e m e m b e r " with u n u s u a l frequency. I t h i n k it is no accident that t h e Muslims build towers in their t o w n s a n d cry o u t t o t h e faithful f i v e t i m e s a d a y t o r e m i n d t h e m to pray—and, by praying, to r e m e m b e r God. T h e ordinary Musl i m b e l i e v e r d o e s a s a m a t t e r o f daily r o u t i n e w h a t o n l y h i g h l y contemplative Christian m o n k s a n d n u n s do. Although t h e r e is great virtue in b o t h public a n d formal prayer, my g e n e r a l p r e f e r e n c e is for private, p e r s o n a l prayer. Rightly or wrongly, I suspect t h a t t h e m o r e p e r s o n a l o u r prayers a r e , t h e m o r e G o d likes t h e m . B u t p r a y e r i s a two-way s t r e e t . F o r o u r prayers to be p e r s o n a l ( e x c e p t in m o m e n t s of a g o n y or ecstasy) , w e n e e d t o h a v e a t l e a s t s o m e s m i d g e n o f b e l i e f t h a t there is a Person at the o t h e r e n d w h o is going to h e a r a n d possibly r e s p o n d . T h i s b r i n g s u s t o t h e m a t t e r o f faith a n d its relat i o n s h i p t o p r a y e r . W h y a " P e r s o n " a t t h e o t h e r e n d ? W h e n I was i n c o l l e g e , m y favorite q u o t a t i o n was a r e m a r k o f V o l t a i r e ' s : "God created m a n i n His own image, a n d t h e n m a n went a n d r e t u r n e d t h e c o m p l i m e n t . " V o l t a i r e was r e f e r r i n g t o o u r t e n dency to a n t h r o p o m o r p h i z e G o d as a m a n or a w o m a n with b o d i l y f e a t u r e s . I t s e e m e d t o m e t h a t G o d m u s t b e infinitely m o r e different t h a n w e can possibly i m a g i n e H i m o r H e r t o b e . A n d s o S h e o r H e is. N o n e t h e l e s s , i n t h e days s i n c e c o l l e g e , I h a v e also c o m e t o r e a l i z e t h a t t h e v e r y d e e p e s t m e a n s w e h a v e to even begin to c o m p r e h e n d the n a t u r e of G o d is to project o n t o H i m o r H e r t h e very b e s t o f o u r o w n h u m a n n a t u r e . I n o t h e r w o r d s , G o d is, a m o n g o t h e r t h i n g s a n d a b o v e all t h i n g s , humane. T h e r e are o t h e r things I have l e a r n e d since college. Back

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t h e n I u s e d t o t h i n k t h a t faith p r e c e d e d p r a y e r , a n d t h a t o n l y t h o s e w i t h a g r e a t d e a l o f faith w o u l d p r a y a g r e a t d e a l . S o m e years ago, however, I r a n across an a n c i e n t Christian m o t t o — s o a n c i e n t t h a t i t was i n L a t i n : " L e x o r a n d i , l e x c r e d e n d i , " w h i c h translated means "The rule of prayer precedes the rule of faith." In o t h e r words, I h a d things reversed. T h e d e e p e r t r u t h i s t h a t i f o n e p r a y s a lot, t h e n , a n d o n l y t h e n , will o n e b e likely t o g r o w i n faith. W h y g r o w i n faith? O n c e a g a i n , i n m y y o u t h , I h a d i t b a c k w a r d . I u s e d to t h i n k t h a t if I u n d e r s t o o d t h e w o r l d b e t t e r , I m i g h t h a v e m o r e faith i n G o d . B u t t h e n I r a n a c r o s s a s a y i n g o f o n e o f t h e saints: " D o n o t seek u n d e r s t a n d i n g t h a t you m i g h t h a v e faith; s e e k faith t h a t y o u m i g h t u n d e r s t a n d . " I t was w i t h m y g r a d u a l l y i n c r e a s i n g k n o w l e d g e o f s u c h p i e c e s o f " s c i e n c e " t h a t I was a b l e t o b e o f s o m e h e l p t o a w o n d e r f u l , initially s e c u l a r w o m a n , A n n i e , w h o c a m e t o s e e m e b e c a u s e o f h e r excessive w o r r y i n g . W e i d e n t i f i e d t h a t a t least o n e m a j o r r o o t o f h e r p r o b l e m was h e r l a c k o f f a i t h i n G o d , a n d e v e r s o slowly I was a b l e t o t e a c h h e r t o pray. A f t e r s o m e y e a r s o f infrequent a p p o i n t m e n t s , she c a m e to see me o n e day a n d ann o u n c e d , "Dr. P e c k , I a m s o p o o r a t this b u s i n e s s . I still d o n ' t k n o w h o w t o pray. M u c h o f t h e t i m e m y o n l y p r a y e r — i t c o m e s from s o m e p l a c e in t h e Bible, I think—is 'I believe, L o r d ; h e l p m y u n b e l i e f It's s o p a t h e t i c . " "Annie," I responded, "that h a p p e n s to be o n e of the most sophisticated prayers ever spoken." W h i l e this w o m a n ' s g r o w t h i n faith (as i s typical o f t h e t r a n s i t i o n f r o m S t a g e III t o S t a g e IV) was v e r y g r a d u a l , o c c a s i o n a l l y t h e e v o l u t i o n o f faith m a y b e v e r y r a p i d , a s i f o n e ' s eyes h a d s u d denly b e e n opened. Indeed, the experience can be frightening. My lecture audiences used to be m a d e up primarily of p e o p l e w h o w e r e m a k i n g t h e t r a n s i t i o n f r o m S t a g e III t o S t a g e I V o r w e r e a l r e a d y d e e p l y i n S t a g e IV. I w o u l d o f t e n ask t h e m , " F o r how m a n y of you h e r e has the j o u r n e y ever b e e n moving so rapidly that you w o n d e r e d w h e t h e r or n o t you were going crazy?" M o s t r a i s e d t h e i r h a n d s i n u n d e r s t a n d i n g . I w o u l d g o o n to n o t e : "That's o n e r e a s o n for g o o d spiritual directors; they

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c a n tell y o u w h e t h e r y o u ' r e g o i n g crazy o r n o t . " O c c a s i o n a l l y , s u d d e n " e x p l o s i o n s " o f faith m a y i n d e e d b e t h e r e s u l t o f a m e n tal illness. A s o f t e n a s n o t , h o w e v e r , w h a t p e o p l e n e e d a t s u c h times is sophisticated r e a s s u r a n c e (which a g r e a t m a n y secular psychiatrists or psychotherapists a r e n o t able to p r o v i d e ) . I h a v e b e e n s p e a k i n g o f t h e g a i n i n g o f faith. W h a t a b o u t its o p p o s i t e — t h e loss of faith? It is a v e r y r e a l p h e n o m e n o n , o c curring routinely in those w h o are in the process of growing out o f S t a g e I I i n t o S t a g e III. It, t o o , c a n b e scary, w h i c h i s t h e r e a son for a small, recently f o u n d e d o r g a n i z a t i o n , F u n d a m e n t a l ists A n o n y m o u s , a self-help g r o u p f o r p e o p l e d e a l i n g w i t h t h e i m m e n s e anxieties that may be associated with relinquishing a v e r y c l e a r - c u t , r i g i d , d o c t r i n a i r e s o r t o f faith. L o s s o f faith m a y also b e p a r t i c u l a r l y p a i n f u l f o r t h o s e w h o h a v e a f o r m a l o r p r o fessional r e l i g i o u s identity. M a n y a c l e r g y m a n h a s e n t e r e d t h e m i n i s t r y w h i l e i n S t a g e II, o n l y t o evolve i n t o S t a g e III a n d f i n d himself in t h e position of getting up in t h e pulpit every S u n d a y a n d talking a b o u t a G o d in W h o m he is no longer sure he even believes. H e , too, n e e d s sophisticated r e a s s u r a n c e t h a t can only b e given b y s o m e o n e w h o u n d e r s t a n d s t h e stages o f w h a t F o w l e r calls "faith d e v e l o p m e n t . " W e a l s o n e e d t o g l a n c e briefly a t a p h e n o m e n o n t h a t c o u l d b e c a l l e d t h e t e s t i n g o f faith, w h i c h m a y h a p p e n t o a n y r e l i g i o u s p e r s o n a t a t i m e o f crisis. U s u a l l y t h e crisis i s s u r v i v e d a n d t h e faith survives w i t h it. B u t t h e r e i s a n o t h e r t y p e o f t e s t i n g t h a t i s a c t u a l l y m o r e p r e d i c t a b l e a n d m o s t likely t o h a p p e n t o h i g h l y d e v e l o p e d s p i r i t u a l p e o p l e w h o h a v e l o n g b e e n i n S t a g e IV. F o r this p h e n o m e n o n , St. J o h n o f t h e C r o s s i n t h e s i x t e e n t h c e n tury c o i n e d the p h r a s e "the d a r k night of the soul." T h e d a r k n i g h t of t h e soul is a p o i n t w h e r e G o d seems to b e totally a b s e n t , a n d o f t e n f o r a p r o l o n g e d p e r i o d o f t i m e . T o t h e p e r s o n i n it, t h e still, s m a l l v o i c e s h e h a s c o m e t o d i s t i n g u i s h as God's seems to have faded or stopped altogether. Dreams that o n c e provided revelations seem to have dried u p . It is n o t a m a t t e r of crisis or e v e n affliction; it is j u s t a d e e p s e n s e t h a t G o d , w h o was o n c e p r e s e n t a n d active i n h e r life, h a s g o n e o n v a c a t i o n a n d s e e m s totally i n a c c e s s i b l e , p e r h a p s forever.

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M i g h t G o d deliberately m a k e Herself inaccessible? It is conceivable, w h e n we think of h o w a p p r o p r i a t e it is that a mat u r e faith n e e d s to be t e s t e d . In What Return Can I Make? (Gifts for the Journey), I u s e d t h e a n a l o g y of a y o u n g c h i l d , p e r h a p s two y e a r s o l d , w h o will h a v e n o t r o u b l e b e l i e v i n g i n M o m m y ' s p r e s e n c e a n d care w h e n she is right t h e r e in t h e r o o m with h i m . B u t w h e n h e c a n ' t s e e h e r , h e will p a n i c a n d b e g i n t o t h i n k t h a t s h e n o l o n g e r exists. A s h i s faith i n h e r i s s o t e s t e d o v e r s e v e r a l y e a r s , h o w e v e r , h e will slowly c o m e t o l e a r n t h a t s h e h a s o t h e r c o n c e r n s t o t e n d t o . G r a d u a l l y h e will r e a l i z e t h a t M o m m y i s p r o b a b l y j u s t d o w n t h e hall m a k i n g his b e d , t h a t s h e h a s n o t t r u l y v a n i s h e d o r a b a n d o n e d h i m , t h a t s h e i s still actively l o v i n g a n d c a r i n g for h i m — o n l y in a different m a n n e r t h a n t h a t w h i c h h e h a d originally c o u n t e d o n . Certainly, by t h e t i m e they have r e a c h e d t h e d a r k n i g h t of t h e s o u l , m o s t o f t h e faithful r e m a i n faithful. T h e y c o n t i n u e t o pray a n d praise the seemingly absent God, as J o b did by a n d large. T h e i r m o t t o m i g h t b e that o f J e s u s o n t h e cross, w h e n h e c r i e d o u t , "My G o d , m y G o d , w h y h a v e Y o u f o r s a k e n m e ? " B u t i t was still G o d W h o m J e s u s was c a l l i n g t o , p r a y i n g t o . I t m a y also h e l p t h e m t o k n o w t h a t m o r e t h a n a few d e s i g n a t e d s a i n t s w h o w e r e n o t m a r t y r s — w h o d i e d i n b e d — s p e n t t h e i r last days, m o n t h s , or years in t h e d a r k n i g h t before they m o v e d o n .

PROCESS THEOLOGY M a n y of us, secularists a n d spiritual p e o p l e alike, q u e s t i o n t h e e x i s t e n c e o f G o d m o s t w h e n w e l o o k a t o u r w o r l d a n d ask w h y t h e r e i s s o m u c h p a i n a n d s u f f e r i n g a n d d o w n r i g h t evil. I n o t h e r words, why a r e n ' t things perfect? It is simply n o t e n o u g h t o a n s w e r : " G o d ' s ways a r e m y s t e r i o u s . " N o a n s w e r c a n b e off e r e d w i t h c e r t a i n t y . W h a t I c a n d o , h o w e v e r , i s offer s o m e r e l a tively m o d e r n , s p e c u l a t i v e a d d i t i o n s t o t h e m o r e a n c i e n t , traditional, a n d , I believe, i n a d e q u a t e "God theory." Traditional, primitive G o d t h e o r y posits a G o d w h o is omn i p o t e n t . B u t s u c h a s i m p l i s t i c vision o f G o d fails t o a c c o u n t f o r

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evil o r t o t a k e i n t o a c c o u n t b o t h a g o o d d e a l o f t h e B i b l e a n d c o m m o n sense. While in the b e g i n n i n g G o d may have created e v e r y t h i n g ( a n d e v e n this i s s u b j e c t t o q u e s t i o n ) , b y t h e t h i r d c h a p t e r o f G e n e s i s , t h e v e r y f i r s t b o o k o f t h e B i b l e , t h e r e a r e alr e a d y p r o b l e m s . G o d e x p e l s A d a m a n d Eve f r o m t h e p e r f e c t G a r d e n o f E d e n a n d tells t h e m t h a t h e n c e f o r t h t h e y shall h a v e t o suffer. W h y ? I s G o d sadistic? T h e answer, I believe, is t h a t G o d has to o p e r a t e within constraints, even if they are constraints that He Himself created. W h e n it is said t h a t " G o d c r e a t e d us in his own i m a g e , " w h a t is m e a n t by t h a t m o r e t h a n a n y t h i n g else, I believe, is t h a t G o d g a v e u s f r e e will. You c a n n o t give s o m e o n e f r e e will a n d a t t h e s a m e t i m e h o l d a m a c h i n e g u n t o h i s b a c k . F r e e will m e a n s t h a t w e a r e free, a n d s u c h f r e e d o m m e a n s t h a t w e a r e free t o c h o o s e f o r e i t h e r g o o d o r evil. T h e m o m e n t w h e n G o d g r a n t e d u s f r e e will was t h e m o m e n t w h e n h u m a n evil—as well a s h u m a n g o o d n e s s — w a s let loose i n t h e world. H a v i n g o n c e g r a n t e d u s f r e e will, G o d i s n o l o n g e r o m n i p o t e n t . H e h a s c o n s t r a i n e d Himself, a n d n o m a t t e r h o w m u c h i t m i g h t h u r t H i m , in m o s t respects He simply has to let us be. G e n e s i s 3 s u g g e s t s t h a t this c o n s t r a i n i n g d e c i s i o n t o l e t u s b e i s also a s s o c i a t e d w i t h t h e e x i s t e n c e o f d e a t h ( a n d , b y i m p l i cation, disease a n d aging). H o w we have agonized over these " c u r s e s " ! Yet, a s l o n g a s w e b e a r i n m i n d t h a t t h e d e a t h o f t h e b o d y d o e s n o t necessarily m e a n t h e d e a t h of t h e soul, I am n o t s u r e t h a t a g i n g a n d illness a n d d e a t h a r e c u r s e s a t all. I c u r s e t h e m myself f r o m t i m e t o t i m e , b u t i n m y m o r e r a t i o n a l m o ments, I see t h e m as b e i n g an integral part of the natural o r d e r of things, an o r d e r that G o d Herself established. I d o n ' t m e a n t o i m p l y t h a t G o d i s totally h e l p l e s s . W h a t I d o m e a n t o i m p l y i s that God is n o t so o m n i p o t e n t that She doesn't have to operate w i t h i n t h e c o n s t r a i n t s o f this n a t u r a l o r d e r o f illness, a g i n g , d e a t h , a n d p h y s i c a l decay. A n d w i t h i n t h e m o r e t e r r i b l e c o n s t r a i n t s o f a l l o w i n g h u m a n evil, e v e n o n s u c h a m a s s scale a s t h e Holocaust. T h e n o t i o n t h a t G o d i s n o t simplistically o m n i p o t e n t b u t must operate within certain constraints is n o t the only m o d e r n

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a d d e n d u m to the primitive G o d Theory. An equally i m p o r t a n t a d d e n d u m has c o m e over the course of the past fifty years to be called process theology, which challenges the traditional n o t i o n o f a G o d w h o i s a static, u n c h a n g i n g b e i n g . I t s u g g e s t s t h a t , like all living b e i n g s , G o d i s "in p r o c e s s " : living, s u f f e r i n g , a n d g r o w i n g r i g h t a l o n g s i d e o f u s , a l b e i t j u s t a s t e p o r two a h e a d o f us. While t h e origin of process theology is a t t r i b u t e d to Alfred N o r t h W h i t e h e a d w i t h i n t h i s c e n t u r y , i t was a c t u a l l y o n e well e m b e d d e d in M o r m o n theology over a century ago. T h e Morm o n s h a v e l o n g h a d a saying: "As m a n is, G o d was. A s G o d is, m a n will b e c o m e . " In my n o v e l In Heaven as on Earth, I p r o p o s e d a s o r t of a d d e n d u m to process theology, suggesting that creation (includi n g t h e c r e a t i o n o f souls, h u m a n a n d otherwise) m i g h t b e a n o n g o i n g e x p e r i m e n t . Insofar as G o d is a creator, why s h o u l d n ' t S h e b e a n e x p e r i m e n t e r every b i t a s m u c h a s h u m a n s c i e n t i s t s — a l b e i t a b i t m o r e i m a g i n a t i v e , s o p h i s t i c a t e d , a n d artistic? W e scientists a r e g e n e r a l l y c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h t h e fact t h a t m a n y , i f n o t m o s t , o f o u r e x p e r i m e n t s "fail." T h a t is, t h e y a r e trials. T h e r e i s always r o o m f o r i m p r o v e m e n t . M i g h t w e n o t l o o k u p o n a h i g h l y i m p e r f e c t — e v e n e v i l — s o u l as a "failed e x p e r i m e n t " ? W e also k n o w t h a t w e h a v e a s m u c h t o l e a r n f r o m failed e x p e r i m e n t s a s f r o m successful o n e s . T h e y a r e w h a t s e n d u s b a c k t o t h e d r a w i n g b o a r d ; p e r h a p s t h e y d o s o for G o d , t o o . I t makes sense o n c e we stop thinking of G o d as omniscient, omnipotent, and unchanging—when we begin to think of H e r as b e i n g in process a n d start to seriously c o n s i d e r t h e essence of process theology. In A World Waiting to Be Born, I h a v e w r i t t e n a b o u t h o w I f i r s t s t u m b l e d o n t o t h e c o n c e p t o f process theology. T h e m o m e n t was fifteen y e a r s a g o ; I was s i t t i n g in my office w i t h a thirtyfive-year-old p a t i e n t . S h e was a very a t t r a c t i v e p e r s o n , p e r h a p s o n l y a s m u c h a s e i g h t p o u n d s o v e r t h e s t a n d a r d w e i g h t for w o m e n of h e r age a n d height. T h e p r e c e d i n g evening, at a joyful r e s t a u r a n t party, s h e was s o r e l a x e d s h e h a d o r d e r e d a n d e a t e n a n ice c r e a m s u n d a e f o r d e s s e r t . N o w s h e was l a m e n t i n g ,

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" H o w c o u l d I h a v e b e e n s o s t u p i d ? A f t e r o n l y six days I b r o k e m y d i e t ! N o w I h a v e t o s t a r t all o v e r a g a i n . I h a t e myself f o r b e i n g s o u n d i s c i p l i n e d . A n ice c r e a m s u n d a e , f o r C h r i s t ' s s a k e ! Butterscotch sauce. Thick, gooey. I m e a n , I c o u l d n ' t have c h o s e n a n y t h i n g t h a t h a d m o r e c a l o r i e s . O n e o f t h e s e days I ' l l . . . " A s s h e w e n t o n a n d o n i n t h a t v e i n , I f o u n d myself d r i f t i n g off slightly, m u s i n g o v e r h o w u t t e r l y typical s h e was o f a l a r g e c a t e g o r y o f w o m e n w h o a r e physically a p p e a l i n g , yet w h o s p e n d endless ergs of energy obsessing a b o u t their weight, even the m o s t m i n o r d e v i a t i o n s i n it. W h a t was g o i n g o n w i t h t h e m ? I n t h e m i d s t o f this w o n d e r i n g , I s u d d e n l y i n t e r r u p t e d h e r , b l u r t ing out, "What makes you think that G o d doesn't have to diet?" S h e l o o k e d a t m e a s i f I h a d g o n e crazy. " W h y d i d y o u say that?" she asked. I scratched my h e a d , replying, "I d o n ' t know." But I h a d to t h i n k a b o u t w h y I h a d s a i d it, a n d as I d i d , I r e a l i z e d t h a t I was o n t o s o m e t h i n g . M y p a t i e n t was l a b o r i n g u n d e r t h e fantasy t h a t if she w e n t on e n o u g h diets or discovered j u s t t h e right diet or received e n o u g h psychotherapy, she would achieve a state in w h i c h s h e c o u l d e i t h e r e a t all s h e w a n t e d w i t h o u t g a i n i n g a n o u n c e , o r else, w h e n e v e r s h e d i d g a i n t h a t o u n c e , c o u l d ins t a n t l y a n d effortlessly lose it. A s t r a n g e fantasy, c o m e t o t h i n k o f it. " M a y b e G o d p u t s o n five p o u n d s , " I e x p l a i n e d t o h e r , " a n d t h e n H e h a s t o t a k e t h e m off. O n l y H e d o e s n ' t m a k e a b i g d e a l o u t o f it, w h i c h i s p e r h a p s w h y H e ' s G o d . " T h e d e l u s i o n m y p a t i e n t l a b o r e d u n d e r was a static n o t i o n o f p e r f e c t i o n . I t i s a very c o m m o n b u t d e s t r u c t i v e n o t i o n t h a t p e r f e c t i o n is an u n c h a n g i n g state. It is so c o m m o n b e c a u s e it is so purely logical. If s o m e t h i n g is perfect a n d it c h a n g e s , it c a n o n l y b e c o m e d i f f e r e n t f r o m w h a t i t was. A n d i f i t b e c o m e s diff e r e n t f r o m w h a t i t was, t h e n l o g i c h o l d s t h a t i t h a s b e c o m e i m p e r f e c t . B u t if s o m e t h i n g is truly p e r f e c t , it c a n n o t , by d e f i n i t i o n , b e c o m e imperfect. H e n c e perfection must be unchanging. A n d s o w e t h i n k , " G o d i s a s G o d was a n d always will b e . " B u t t h a t ' s n o t t h e way I t h i n k a n y m o r e . It's also h a r d l y w h a t t h e B i b l e s u g g e s t s . A n d i n c r e a s i n g l y it's n o t w h a t t h e o l o g i a n s

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are beginning to think. T h a n k God! If there is anything that c h a r a c t e r i z e s life, i t i s c h a n g e . W h a t m o s t d i s t i n g u i s h e s t h e a n i m a t e f r o m t h e i n a n i m a t e i s "irritability." S o m e t h i n g t h a t ' s a n i m a t e m o v e s w h e n y o u p o k e it. I t d o e s n ' t j u s t sit t h e r e . It's alive. It g o e s this way a n d t h a t way. It g r o w s , it d i e s , it d e c a y s , it is r e b o r n . I t c h a n g e s . All life i s i n p r o c e s s . A n d s i n c e I c h o o s e t o h a v e a living G o d , I b e l i e v e t h a t m y G o d i s a l s o i n p r o c e s s , l e a r n ing a n d growing a n d perhaps even laughing a n d dancing. T h i s n e w c o n c e p t o f p r o c e s s t h e o l o g y i s s o critically i m p o r tant n o t only because it adds a large piece to t h e puzzle of imp e r f e c t i o n — e v e n e v i l — i n t h e w o r l d , b u t also b e c a u s e i t i m p l i e s t h a t it is g o o d for p e o p l e to be in a state of c h a n g e . T h e s a m e h o l d s t r u e f o r o u r o r g a n i z a t i o n s a n d society, f o r all life itself. T h e h e a l t h i e r w e a r e , t h e m o r e w e will b e "in p r o c e s s . " T h e m o r e v i b r a n t , t h e m o r e lively w e a r e , t h e m o r e w e will b e c h a n g ing. A n d t h e closer to perfection we are, the m o r e rapidly we will b e c h a n g i n g . A n d a s w e c h a n g e , w e c a n e x p e c t o u r s e l v e s , t h e o r g a n i z a t i o n s t o which w e b e l o n g , a n d even o u r society t o b e i n f l u x a n d i n t u r m o i l . W e will k n o w , n o t o n l y i n o u r h e a d s b u t i n o u r h e a r t s , t h a t i f w e l e t G o d i n t o o u r s e l v e s , w e will b e welcoming even m o r e flux a n d turmoil. An individual who has d e v e l o p e d a c o n s c i o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h G o d will p r o b a b l y b e e n g a g e d in developing that relationship—often with anguish a n d s t r u g g l e — f o r t h e r e s t o f h i s o r h e r e v e r - c h a n g i n g life. W e will k n o w w h e n w e s e e o u r s e l v e s o r o u r o r g a n i z a t i o n s a s comfortable, c o m p l a c e n t , or particularly stable entities that we a r e u n d o u b t e d l y i n a s t a t e — o r a t l e a s t a p h a s e — o f decay. A n d if we see ourselves or o u r organizations suffering, struggling, s e a r c h i n g this way a n d t h a t f o r n e w s o l u t i o n s , c o n s t a n t l y revisi n g a n d reviving, o u r t e n d e n c y will n o t o n l y b e t o give o u r s e l v e s or t h e m the benefit of the d o u b t but to suspect that we may have stumbled u p o n a particularly Godly p h e n o m e n o n . R e t u r n i n g to the question of why things a r e n ' t perfect, it is for t h e s a m e r e a s o n s t h a t e v e n U t o p i a will n o t b e s t a b l e o r static. I t will b e e v o l v i n g . U t o p i a s h o u l d n o t b e t h o u g h t o f a s a c o n d i t i o n t h a t w e r e a c h , b e c a u s e n o s o o n e r will w e r e a c h i t t h a n w e will m o v e o n . I t will n o t b e a c o n d i t i o n w i t h o u t s u f f e r i n g , w i t h -

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o u t t h e stress a n d s t r a i n t h a t n e c e s s a r i l y a c c o m p a n y c h a n g e o r development. C o n t r a r y t o p o p u l a r n o t i o n s , U t o p i a d o e s n o t m e a n all will b e s w e e t n e s s a n d l i g h t . R a t h e r , i t will b e a society m o v i n g w i t h m a x i m a l vitality t o w a r d m a x i m a l vitality. I n o t h e r w o r d s , a s l o n g a s t h e r e i s a r o l e f o r G o d t o play a n d r o o m f o r g r a c e , U t o p i a m a y n o t b e i m p o s s i b l e t o a c h i e v e after all. B u t i t will b e i m p o s sible t o a c h i e v e i f w e h o l d o n t o o u r t r a d i t i o n a l vision o f p e r f e c t i o n , d e f i n e d a s static b y o u r l i m i t e d h u m a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g . U t o p i a will always b e i n t h e f u t u r e , b e c a u s e i t i s n o t a s t a t e arrived at b u t a state of b e c o m i n g . I n d e e d , we m i g h t t h i n k on o u r m o r e o p t i m i s t i c days o f U t o p i a a s h a v i n g a l r e a d y s t a r t e d , a l b e i t barely.

GLORY I n t h e e n d all t h i n g s p o i n t t o G o d . All t h i n g s . I c o u l d g o o n a n d o n , b u t I feel a s i f I ' m i n t h e s a m e p o s i t i o n a s St. J o h n w h e n h e w r o t e o f J e s u s a t t h e c o n c l u sion of his Gospel: A n d t h e r e are also m a n y o t h e r things which J e s u s did, t h e which, if they s h o u l d be written every o n e , I supp o s e t h a t e v e n t h e w o r l d itself c o u l d n o t c o n t a i n t h e books that should be written. A-men. I , t o o , c o u l d talk a b o u t all m a n n e r o f o t h e r t h i n g s u n e x plainable w i t h o u t resorting to G o d . A b o u t special p e o p l e . A b o u t J e s u s , w h o was s o e x t r a o r d i n a r y t h a t n o o n e c o u l d h a v e d r e a m e d h i m u p . B u t J e s u s i s a r e d flag f o r s o m e w h o h a v e b e e n abused by the abusers of Jesus. So take a n o t h e r inexplicable hum a n , A b r a h a m L i n c o l n , a n d s e e i f y o u c a n c a t e g o r i z e h i m witho u t r e s o r t i n g t o divinity. O r I c o u l d talk o f mystical e x p e r i e n c e s , o f s u d d e n c h a n g e s of p e r c e p t i o n , w h e n without d r u g s or disease, we occasionally flit i n a n d o u t o f w h a t s e e m s a n o t h e r u n i v e r s e . I c o u l d s p e a k o f

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d e m o n s a n d angels. I could rhapsodize a b o u t G o d a n d nat u r e — t h e G o d o f t h e m o u n t a i n s a n d rivers, t h e G o d o f s u n r i s e s a n d s u n s e t s , o f forests a n d s t o r m s . O r o f m u s i c a n d m e l o d i e s t h a t a r e timeless. O r o f r o m a n c e a n d sex, w h e r e G o d deliberately gave u s a taste o f H i m s e l f — a n d o f H e r p o w e r , m o r e s u b t l e t h a n d y n a m i t e , yet potentially as d a n g e r o u s . Or of w h a t transpires w h e n a g r o u p reaches c o m m u n i t y or an exorcism has b e e n successfully c o m p l e t e d — w h e n G o d s e e m s t o h a v e e n t e r e d a n o t h e r w i s e o r d i n a r y r o o m a n d all t h a t t h e p e o p l e p r e s e n t c a n d o i s c r y t e a r s o f g r a t i t u d e a n d joy. G o d is too i m m e n s e to be limited to any chapter or book o r e v e n b i b l e . Yet t h e r e i s o n e w o r d f o r o u r h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e whenever we happen—seemingly by accident—to tap into, to participate consciously in, t h a t immensity. It is t h e e x p e r i e n c e of glory. A n d h o w w e y e a r n f o r it! Blindly, u s u a l l y falsely, a n d m o r e o f t e n t h a n n o t destructively, w e s e e k after g l o r y a s n o t h i n g else. F l e e t i n g " h a p p i n e s s , " e v e n s e x u a l ecstasy, c a n ' t c o m p a r e . D e s p i t e all t h e pitfalls o f this p u r s u i t , i t h a p p e n s t o b e o n e o f t h e m a n y i n d i r e c t " p r o o f s " f o r t h e e x i s t e n c e o f G o d . A s C . S . Lewis p o i n t e d o u t i n h i s g r e a t s e r m o n , " T h e W e i g h t o f Glory," G o d i n His gentleness w o u l d n e v e r have c r e a t e d us with an a p p e t i t e for s o m e t h i n g unreal or utterly unobtainable. We h u n g e r only because t h e r e is food. We thirst because t h e r e is drink. We would n o t s c r e a m w i t h s e x u a l d e s i r e i f t h e r e w e r e n o possibility o f sexu a l f u l f i l l m e n t . So it is w i t h glory. We y e a r n f o r it as we do for n o t h i n g else p r e c i s e l y b e c a u s e t h e r e i s a G o d u r g i n g u s o n t o u n i o n with Her. But m a k e no mistake: real glory is an attribute only of G o d . S i n c e g l o r y i s t h e m o s t p o t e n t o b j e c t o f all o u r d e s i r e s , o u r d e sire f o r i t i s t h e o n e m o s t s u b j e c t t o p e r v e r s i o n . T h e r e i s a n a m e for this p e r v e r s i o n : i d o l a t r y — t h e w o r s h i p o f false i d o l s o r c h e a p s u b s t i t u t e s f o r G o d . A s o n e n a m e for t h e devil s u g g e s t s , t h e var i e t i e s o f i d o l a t r y a r e " L e g i o n " : m o n e y , sex, novelty, p o l i t i c a l p o w e r , security, p o s s e s s i o n s , a n d o n a n d o n . All a r e false g o d s . True glory is ours only insofar as we s u b m i t ourselves to t h e true G o d . B u t w h o . . . w h a t . . . w h e r e . . . is t h e t r u e G o d ?

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COCREATION

In Denial of the Soul I p o i n t e d o u t , w i t h m a n y q u a l i f i c a t i o n s , t h a t suicide, i n c l u d i n g euthanasia, is usually an action n o t of c o u r a g e b u t of t h e m o s t questionable hubris. T h e reason for this s e e m i n g l y h a r s h a s s e s s m e n t i s t h a t w e a r e n o t o u r o w n c r e ators, a n d h e n c e we do n o t have t h e moral right to be o u r own destroyers. H u m a n k i n d d o e s n o t h a v e t h e p o w e r t o m a k e t h e s u n rise o r set. W e c a n p r e d i c t a n d r e s p o n d t o t h e w e a t h e r , b u t w e d o n o t d e t e r m i n e w h a t i t will b e d a y t o day. I d o n o t k n o w h o w t o c r e a t e an iris or a r o s e ; I c a n o n l y s t e w a r d o n e . So it is w i t h myself. P r e s u m a b l y e v e n m o r e c o m p l i c a t e d t h a n a flower, I c o u l d n o t possibly h a v e e v e n i m a g i n e d myself i n t o e x i s t e n c e . B u t t o a considerable extent I can choose to decently nurture or n o t n u r t u r e myself. I n o t h e r w o r d s , w h i l e I c a n n o t b e m y o w n c r e ator, I c a n p l a y a r o l e as c o c r e a t o r . T h e c o n c e p t of "cocreatorship" a n d the responsibility it entails have b e c o m e quite p o p u l a r in theology in r e c e n t years. B u t I h a v e n o t r e a d o f this r e s p o n s i b i l i t y b e i n g e x t e n d e d t o its u l t i m a t e . T h e fact i s t h a t w e h u m a n s a r e f r e e t o c h o o s e o u r o w n vision o f G o d , a n d n o c h o i c e w e m a k e c a n b e a s p o t e n t i n o u r p e r s o n a l lives o r o u r r o l e a s a g e n t s o f society. S o w e c o m e t o a crescendo of paradox. On the one hand, God is unquestionably o u r creator. On the other, in choosing the kind of G o d we believe i n , w e a r e , i n a s e n s e , c r e a t i n g G o d , n o t o n l y f o r o u r s e l v e s b u t a l s o f o r o t h e r s w h o will s e e G o d r e f l e c t e d i n o u r beliefs, o u r a c t i o n s , a n d i n o u r very spirit. B u t b e a r i n m i n d t h a t w e c a n n o t know G o d i n t h e t r a d i t i o n a l scientific s e n s e . A H a s i d i c s t o r y p a s s e d o n t o m e b y E r i c h F r o m m m a k e s t h e p o i n t . It is t h e story of a g o o d Jewish m a n — l e t u s call h i m M o r d e c a i — w h o p r a y e d o n e day, " O G o d , l e t m e k n o w Your t r u e n a m e , even a s angels d o . " T h e L o r d h e a r d his p r a y e r a n d g r a n t e d it, a l l o w i n g M o r d e c a i t o k n o w H i s t r u e name. W h e r e u p o n Mordecai crept u n d e r the bed and yelped in s h e e r a n i m a l terror, "O God, let me forget Your true n a m e . " A n d t h e L o r d G o d h e a r d t h a t p r a y e r a n d g r a n t e d i t also. S o m e -

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t h i n g o f t h e s a m e p o i n t was m a d e b y t h e A p o s t l e P a u l w h e n h e said, "It is a t e r r i f y i n g t h i n g to fall i n t o t h e h a n d s of t h e living God."Yet. . . In t h e e n d all t h i n g s p o i n t to G o d . . . . L e t m e t u r n n o w f r o m t h e m o r e o r less a b s t r a c t a n d p r o saic s c i e n c e o f G o d t o p o e t r y , a n d c o n c l u d e this s u m m a t i o n o f my t h i n k i n g in a very different t o n e by personally a d d r e s s i n g the nameless and unknowable One.

CHAPTER

8

The "Poetry" of God

Dear God, Darling Lord: D o You r e m e m b e r that r e p o r t e r ? T h e o n e w h o p r e t e n d e d t o b e religious. A n d t h e n w h e n I h a d t a l k e d for days a b o u t You, Concluded by commenting, "It's c l e a r t o m e , Scotty, T h a t y o u c o u l d n e v e r really c o m m u n i c a t e With your parents. You m u s t h a v e b e e n a very l o n e l y c h i l d . I w o n d e r if T h a t d o e s n ' t have a lot to do With your belief in God?" Of course, I k n e w A t t h a t p o i n t , w e h a d lost it. "Do you m e a n Is G o d My imaginary companion?" I r e s p o n d e d rhetorically.

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"Actually, I d o n ' t t h i n k I was a p a r t i c u l a r l y l o n e l y c h i l d , " I went on. "All c h i l d r e n a r e lonely. My parents were attentive A n d I c o u l d talk t o t h e m a b o u t t h i n g s s m a l l . I h a d at least a m o d i c u m of f r i e n d s —more than most— A n d m o r e still a s I g o t o l d e r . "But is G o d my imaginary c o m p a n i o n ? O h , yes. I n d e e d , yes. Yet, as I've b e e n t r y i n g to tell y o u , That's just o n e of a t h o u s a n d Reasons I believe." N a t u r a l l y , i t h a d n o effect. B u t t h e fact is, You h a v e b e e n b e s i d e m e I n this i m a g i n a t i o n For longer than I can remember, A n d it's b e e n a g r e a t t r i p t o g e t h e r , H a s n ' t it, L o r d ? Now I'm old I c a n n o t be sure Whether we're near the e n d O r still m e r e l y p r e p a r i n g To b l a s t off.

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B u t o f this I ' m s u r e : T h e r e is not one m o m e n t I can declare You t o h a v e b e e n a b s e n t f r o m m e . Note my words. You c r e a t e d me to be precise with words. I was n o t s a y i n g I've always felt Y o u r p r e s e n c e O r b e e n a w a r e o f You. Frankly, m o s t o f t h e t i m e I h a v e n ' t e v e n b o t h e r e d t o t h i n k o f You. You've b e e n so g o o d to m e . O h , t h e r e w e r e a few b a d y e a r s e a r l y o n . T h e year in the fourth grade in a new school A n d two y e a r s l a t e r W h e n I was t e n a n d c o u l d n ' t u n d e r s t a n d W h y all m y c l a s s m a t e s s u d d e n l y T u r n e d o n m e again. H o w could I have u n d e r s t o o d , U n a w a r e You h a d c r e a t e d m e a l e a d e r w h o , Without intent, T h r e a t e n e d the top dog? (It was t h i r t y m o r e y e a r s b e f o r e I realized what h a d transpired— B e f o r e I e v e n r e a l i z e d I was A leader.) But those W e r e less t h a n two y e a r s O u t o f twelve. T h e r e s t Were magical.

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W h a t c a n I say? T h e r e was a n i c e h o u s e Behind our summer home. And an orchard where the neighbor's sheep Grazed, a n d in September T h e w h i t e c l o u d s g r a z e d t h e sky, A n d I knew my parents loved m e . And I knew You w e r e b e h i n d i t all, Like the i c e h o u s e . . . d e e p , d e e p , A n c i e n t , c o o l i n t h e s u m m e r , a n d , a b o v e all, Providing. It is a p a r a d o x . At o n e and the same time I was g r a t e f u l a n d I t o o k Y o u for g r a n t e d . Like t h e i c e h o u s e , You w e r e j u s t t h e r e . At thirteen I went to b o a r d i n g school. It was a p l a c e w i t h o u t love. E v e r y t h i n g Was wrong. T h e y said it was r i g h t . Thirty m o n t h s it took me To t h i n k f o r myself. I w a l k e d o u t , N o t y e t a n a d u l t exactly, But a m a n w h o k n e w his soul B e l o n g e d t o You a n d , n e v e r a g a i n , To fashion. Yes, t h o s e w e r e t o u g h y e a r s . T h e t o u g h e s t . T h e y w e r e also w h e n I c a n f i r s t r e m e m b e r t a l k i n g a b o u t You. Vaguely I recall a r g u i n g Your existence With my adolescent friends. O r was i t Y o u r n o n e x i s t e n c e ? It doesn't matter. What matters Is t h a t I was t h i n k i n g a b o u t You.

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED AND BEYOND

F i f t e e n was t h e last b a d year. T h e r e have b e e n b a d m o m e n t s since — m a y b e e v e n a few of t r a g e d y — B u t n o b a d years. S o m e years it has even s e e m e d as if You h a d p l a c e d m e o n a k i n d o f G r a n d vacation. I cannot imagine Anything I could ever have d o n e To deserve Such kindness. W a s it at five . . . Or ten or fifteen that I first d e c i d e d to s p e a k The truth W h e n I c o u l d h a v e g o t t e n away W i t h a lie? I c a n ' t recall. Certainly by college, honesty H a d become my habit ( S o m e have said my c o m p u l s i o n ) . I do n o t m e a n I never withhold A piece of truth now a n d then; O n l y t h a t it is painful for me To love in s u c h a way. B u t I try n o t t o w i t h h o l d Even a smidgen F r o m myself, A n d if t h e r e is a s e c r e t T o all m y g o o d f o r t u n e , I s u p p o s e T h a t is it. But it is n o t my d o i n g .

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I t was You w h o p l a n t e d i n m e t h e s e e d — T h i s b u r n i n g t h i r s t for t h e R e a l . Besides, S i n c e You k n o w t h e reality Of my heart, to what e n d S h o u l d I s e e k to d e c e i v e E x c e p t t o i s o l a t e myself f r o m You? A n d t h a t i s t h e very last t h i n g I c o u l d ever desire. D o You r e m e m b e r T h a t b o o k I was a s k e d t o p r a i s e , T h e o n e w i t h t h e title Intuition ? I t n e v e r m e n t i o n e d You. T h a t m i g h t have b e e n pardonable, Save t h a t i t d r e w n o d i s t i n c t i o n Between intuition a n d revelation. I d i d n o t feel I c o u l d bless s u c h a b o o k T h a t left Y o u o u t . B u t was I b e i n g fair? P e r h a p s its a u t h o r was r i g h t a n d I was w r o n g . P e r h a p s Y o u d i d n o t exist. S o I sat d o w n t o t h i n k a b o u t it. First, I t h o u g h t a b o u t h o w m u c h o f m y o w n w o r k W a s p r e d i c a t e d o n You. I h a d a l a r g e s t a k e In You. C o u l d I r e l i n q u i s h t h a t ? If it w e r e t h e reality, C o u l d I disavow You? Yes. T h e n I was u t t e r l y f r e e To c o n t e m p l a t e Your nonexistence.

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED AND BEYOND

I b e g a n with t h e usual: Famine and flood, drought a n d destruction; Poverty, g r e e d , w a r a n d t o r t u r e ; H a t e , lying, a n d m a n i p u l a t i o n ; Disease, m e n t a l a n d physical, A n d all t h i n g s unfair. B u t it was o f n o u s e . T h e r e was n o evil I c o u l d b l a m e o n You, T h a t r e q u i r e d You f o r its e x p l a n a t i o n . W e e p , yes, b u t B l a m e You, n o . T h e n t h e r e was h u m a n g o o d n e s s . As have o t h e r s , I c o u l d s p e c u l a t e On how altruism may have b e e n b r e d into us F o r its survival v a l u e . O h , yes, I knew a b o u t sociobiology a n d o t h e r Modern notions. A n d while I could choose To see Your h a n d in these matters, I c o u l d also c h o o s e N o t to. T h e s a m e with beauty. T r e e s a n d f l o w e r s , valleys a n d m o u n t a i n s , S t r e a m s , rivers, l a k e s , o c e a n s A n d all m a n n e r o f w a t e r a n d w e a t h e r Shriek to me Of Your creation. Yet, if n e e d b e , I c o u l d c l o s e my e a r s . There is nothing that compels me To find Your presence in sunrise or sunset, S t a r l i g h t o r m o o n l i g h t o r all t h i n g s Green. W o n d r o u s , ever so w o n d r o u s , B u t I c a n n o t insist u p o n Y o u r d e s i g n . It is n o t beyond me to imagine A wondrous accident.

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N o , these big things I can deal with. It is t h e little t h i n g s , This business of revelation, I cannot handle: T h e occasional d r e a m , M o r e e l e g a n t b y far t h a n My capacity for c o n s t r u c t i o n ; T h e q u i e t voice o n e m i g h t t h i n k Is that of my waking brain Save t h a t w h e n i t r a r e l y s p e a k s It teaches me with w i s d o m Beyond any brain; And those coincidences Which might be merely amusing If they could be u n d e r s t o o d as such. I c a n n o t e x p l a i n t h e s e "little" t h i n g s Except to know that in them You h a v e r e v e a l e d Yourself. . . . A n d I c a n n o t explain why E x c e p t t h a t You love m e . . . . A n d that I c a n n o t explain E x c e p t t h a t You love u s all. N o n e o f this h a s b e e n i n m y c o n t r o l . N e v e r h a v e You o p e r a t e d b y m y s c h e d u l e . Yes, m y D e a r e s t , I t a l k of You as if You w e r e m y i m a g i n a r y c o m p a n i o n , B u t o n l y as if. I f You really w e r e i m a g i n a r y , T h e n You w o u l d o b e y m y i m a g i n a t i o n , Leaping in form a n d time In a c c o r d a n c e with my desire. B u t t h a t ' s n o t t h e way i t w o r k s , Is it? A n d it is I w h o m u s t strive To be obedient.

T H E ROAD LESS TRAVELED AND BEYOND

No, my Companion, You k e e p m e s t r a n g e c o m p a n y , Coming to me Whenever, however, a n d In whatever form You d e s i r e , Utterly unpredictable. T h e H i n d u s , I am told, H a v e a c o n c e p t t h e y call " T h e G o d o f t h e Void." If they are referring To Your silence w h e n I want Your voice, To Your a p p a r e n t absence W h e n I want Your presence, To Your unpredictability, To Your namelessness, T o t h e fact t h a t Y o u a r e far m o r e e p h e m e r a l T h a n my imagination, T h e n I think I know W h a t they mean. B u t You a r e n o t a void. A l t h o u g h Y o u a r e m o r e likely To come to me when I am empty— To us when we are empty— You Y o u r s e l f a r e n o t e m p t i n e s s Without form. Like u s — More than us— Y o u a r e c a p a b l e o f e m p t y i n g Yourself, Of setting Yourself aside F o r t h e s a k e o f love. But You a r e n o t a void. R a t h e r I s h o u l d call Y o u A G o d of F u l l n e s s .

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I am n o t ready To know Your true n a m e N o r y e t t o s e e You F a c e t o face. But mysterious t h o u g h You m a y be, You a r e n o cipher, A n d t h e r e a r e t h i n g s I c a n tell t h e w o r l d , W i t h gladness, a b o u t exactly W h o You a r e . Most important, You a r e a P e r s o n . W h y do we have such t r o u b l e with this, Wishing to n e u t e r You I n t o s o m e a b s t r a c t "force"? I k n o w . I d i d it myself. I w a n t e d To be sophisticated. I wanted to be sure P e o p l e k n e w You w e r e n ' t My imaginary companion, S o m e m e r e h e a v e n l y p r o j e c t i o n o f myself A s t h e p r o v e r b i a l wise o l d m a n With a long white beard. H o w m a n y y e a r s was i t B e f o r e I c o u l d finally s p e a k m y h e a r t , To publicly acknowledge Your P e r s o n h o o d ? I am so slow. You d o n ' t have a l o n g white b e a r d . You d o n o t e v e n h a v e a b o d y , As we are accustomed to think Of bodies. But You have a personality, A personality definite b e y o n d o u r own, A personality vibrant beyond o u r imagination. A n d h o w c o u l d this b e W e r e You n o t a P e r s o n ?

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED AND BEYOND

So it is of Y o u r p e r s o n a l i t y I s p e a k , Y o u r u n c a p t u r a b l e Spirit, A n d m y l a n g u a g e will b e t h a t o f e m o t i o n — Not of genes or beards or protoplasm, A l t h o u g h I s o m e t i m e s s u p p o s e You a r e T h e ultimate protoplasm. T h e obvious Is t h a t You a r e a Loving God. T r y i n g t o b e scientific In my p u b l i s h e d work, I have S h i e d away f r o m t h e e m o t i o n o f love A n d all its c a p a c i t y f o r s e l f - d e c e p t i o n . "The proof of the p u d d i n g is in the eating," A s m y g r a n d f a t h e r w o u l d h a v e said, o r " H a n d s o m e is as h a n d s o m e does." A n d I h a v e i n s i s t e d u p o n so-called O p e r a t i o n a l d e f i n i t i o n s o f love. W h i c h h a s b e e n all t o t h e g o o d , Save t h a t i t m a y h a v e o b s c u r e d t h e fact We c a n n o t be loving unless we want to be, A n d t h a t b e h i n d t h e w a n t i n g lies An emotion— The most unsimple and demanding E m o t i o n t h e r e is. R e a l love d e m a n d s T h a t we s u f f e r — t h a t I a l l o w My beloved to break my heart, piece by piece, Yet still c a r r y o n , C o n t i n u i n g t o love w i t h a h e a r t T h a t is ever larger as t h e result.

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O n t h e eve o f h i s e x e c u t i o n F o r p l o t t i n g , o u t o f love, t o m u r d e r Hitler, t h e Christian martyr Dietrich B o n h o e f f e r W r o t e : " O n l y a s u f f e r i n g G o d will d o . " You, d e a r G o d , h a v e n o t c a l l e d m e t o q u i t e Such agonizing complexity. Nonetheless, Y o u h a v e p e r m i t t e d m e a taste o f i t W h e n I have b e e n called to intervene I n t h e lives o f o t h e r s . T h i n k i n g O f h o w You h a v e i n t e r v e n e d i n m y o w n life With unfailing goodness of j u d g m e n t , I sense the awesome energy R e q u i r e d , a n d I k n o w You h a v e b r o o d e d Over me with a devotion I can barely understand. I can only assume Y o u suffer so o v e r us all, A n d I am n o t sure I b e c a m e an adult Until I began T o feel s o r r o w for You.

T H E ROAD LESS TRAVELED AND BEYOND

But You— Needless to say— Are a paradoxical God, A n d what amazes me even m o r e T h a n Your c o n t i n u a l suffering is Your P e r s i s t e n t gaiety. Y o u a r e a Playful G o d , A n d o n e o f t h e t h i n g s I k n o w a b o u t You Is Your sense of h u m o r — If for no o t h e r r e a s o n t h a n it is clear Y o u love t o c o n f o u n d m e . As s o o n as I t h i n k I have o b t a i n e d a h a n d l e on Your creation, You i n s t a n t l y c o m e a l o n g t o ask, " B u t w h a t a b o u t t h i s , Scotty?" This defilement of my certainly Is so r o u t i n e I have b e e n forced to c o n c l u d e You m u s t t a k e a c e r t a i n D e l i g h t i n it. I n t h e face O f all t h e s o r r o w s o f t h e w o r l d I am sometimes t e m p t e d to despair. A n d this i s w h a t I f i n d m o s t s t r a n g e A b o u t You: I c a n feel Y o u r s u f f e r i n g , But never have I sensed in You O n e s e c o n d o f despair. Unlike m e , Your delight in Your creation seems constant. You are, to m e , an amazingly c h e e r f u l G o d , A n d I p r a y t h a t s o m e d a y I shall l e a r n Your secret.

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Y o u a r e also A sexy G o d . N o w I s e n s e You m a l e , n o w f e m a l e , But never neuter. I n d e e d , s e x i s o n e o f Y o u r tricks, I n f i n i t e l y c o n f o u n d i n g , yet A m o n g other things, the most glorious Play w e h u m a n s a r e a l l o w e d — So glorious I c a n n o t explain the pleasure Save to p o s i t it as a gift D e l i b e r a t e l y o f f e r e d t o give u s A t a s t e for Y o u A n d Y o u r playfulness. I u s e d to s p e a k of this I n a l e c t u r e . I t was t h e o n e W h e r e t h e a u d i e n c e was m o s t likely To w e e p with passion E x c e p t for those W h o walked out, simply Unable to bear Your intimacy. Yet You a r e a G o d Of restraint. H a v i n g g i v e n us, i n Y o u r i m a g e , F r e e will, You n e v e r d i c t a t e , Never threaten or punish. I do not know the boundaries Of your power, b u t sometimes I w o n d e r If You c a n only create, Having l o n g ago forever forsaken T h e capacity to destroy Anything.

T H E ROAD LESS TRAVELED AND BEYOND

You give Forcing And not Violated Gentlest

us o u r "space," nothing, o n c e have I ever b e e n b y You. Y o u a r e t h e of Beings.

You love variety. I n variety Y o u d e l i g h t . I sit in a m e a d o w On a s u m m e r afternoon, A n d from a single spot I can observe A h u n d r e d different plants, A d o z e n species of w i n g e d insects, A n d h a d I t h e vision, W i t h i n t h e soil, I c o u l d watch colonies of bacteria A n d w h o l e societies of viruses Intermingling. But what impresses me most I s t h e variety o f h u m a n s , Each with u n i q u e limitations, E a c h w i t h u n i q u e gifts. F r o m t h e m You have given m e S o m a n y f r i e n d s , all d i f f e r e n t , A n d m y e n t i r e life h a s b e e n s p e n t In a w e b of e x c h a n g e . O f t e n I h a v e n o t e x c h a n g e d well. Forgive m e , Lord, F o r all t h o s e I h a v e failed.

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I t h a n k Y o u for m y f r i e n d s A n d , m o s t specially, For my best friend. Thirty-seven years ago, W h e n Lily a n d I w e r e w e d , I d i d n o t k n o w w h o s h e was. N o r she me. N o r m u c h a b o u t ourselves. N o r a n y t h i n g a b o u t m a r r i a g e a t all. T h e l e a r n i n g was o f t e n t o b e p a i n f u l , Although without it T h e r e would have b e e n nothing. Somehow we m a d e it through, A n d i t w o u l d b e w r o n g n o t t o give o u r s e l v e s A n y c r e d i t . B u t tell m e this: Utterly i n n o c e n t back then, How did I know In my blind ignorance T h a t Lily—more different Than I could imagine— Was r i g h t for m e ? I c a n n o t e x p l a i n it U n l e s s Y o u w e r e invisibly a t m y s i d e , G u i d i n g m e w h i l e I , like J a c o b , Was u n a w a r e . A n d I, L i k e J a c o b , m u s t also n o w e x c l a i m : " S u r e l y G o d was i n this p l a c e , a n d I , I d i d n o t k n o w it." In the end, All t h i n g s p o i n t t o You.

T H E ROAD LESS TRAVELED AND BEYOND

We are old now— E a r l y o l d w e h a v e lived s o h a r d — A n d it is a t i m e of w a i t i n g , Tending to our aching bodies A s b e s t w e c a n f o r w h a t e v e r little Y o u H a v e left i n s t o r e f o r u s Here. Like the old, We look back, F a c i n g failures a n d enjoying T h e successes of o u r past. We can a c c o u n t for t h e failures. T h e successes Seem the m o r e mysterious. Again We take s o m e credit, b u t again We k n o w You have h e l p e d us I n all w e h a v e a c h i e v e d . T h i s l o o k i n g b a c k i s p a r t o f d e t a c h i n g . Mostly We are looking forward. M u c h a s I h a v e e n j o y e d this w o r l d I h a v e f o r e v e r felt o n e p a r t A l i e n , as if I d i d n o t q u i t e Belong here. A decade ago, After a five-day m e e t i n g that he led, Jim—a most extraordinary man—commented, "Scotty, I h a v e no i d e a What planet we're from But it seems to have b e e n The same one." A y e a r later, a l m o s t to t h e day, W a l k i n g across a street in F r a n c e , J i m was h i t b y a c a r f r o m b e h i n d . I t k i l l e d h i m instantly. M y r e a c t i o n W a s o n e p a r t g r i e f a n d two p a r t s Envy.

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A r o u n d t h a t time I r e a d a w o r k of S c i e n c e fiction. Its s t o r y was t h a t Of aliens w h o , in the guise of h u m a n s , Colonized earth. At one point A few o f t h e i r n u m b e r w e r e g i v e n The opportunity to return To their original planet. I threw The book down on my bedclothes, S o b b i n g t o You, "Lord, I want to go h o m e . Please take m e h o m e . " Now, A d e c a d e later, I d o n o t feel s o f r a n t i c As it b e c o m e s ever m o r e clear It won't be so long before I g e t my wish. I'm coming home, Lord! I have no desire T o d i s p a r a g e this w o r l d . T h e o l d e r I am t h e m o r e I c a n see H o w p r e c i o u s i t i s t o You. Y o u h a v e set i t b e f o r e u s F o r a p u r p o s e . You h a v e l a i d i t o u t L i k e a j i g s a w p u z z l e to w h i c h T h e b o x h a s b e e n lost. B u t t h e p i e c e s Are so colorful we children c a n n o t h e l p B u t p i c k t h e m u p a n d s t a r t t o play. Painstakingly, w e p u t o n e p i e c e t o g e t h e r With another.

T H E ROAD LESS TRAVELED AND BEYOND

T h e puzzle is h u g e . Eventually it dawns on us W e will n e v e r b e g i n t o h a v e e n o u g h t i m e T o c o m p l e t e it. T h i s m a y b e A m o m e n t for despair, t e m p t i n g us T o d i s c a r d You, Y o u a r e s o m u c h l a r g e r t h a n u s . Yet, i f w e a r e a l e r t , t h e r e a r e o t h e r L e s s o n s t o b e l e a r n e d . I n fact, T h e puzzle is so h u g e it is a m a z i n g W e can p u t o n e piece t o g e t h e r with a n o t h e r A t all. I t s e e m s a l m o s t P u r e l u c k , save t h a t i t h a p p e n s s o f r e q u e n t l y W e s e n s e o u r h a n d s a n d eyes h a v e b e e n g u i d e d By an instinct we c a n n o t explain. W h o Has not had the experience? T h e n T h o s e few p i e c e s p u t t o g e t h e r O f f e r u s tiny g l i m p s e s o f t h e w h o l e A n d it l o o k s b e a u t i f u l . . . d e s i g n e d l y e n t i c i n g . Finally, W e f i n d i n t h o s e few a t t a c h e d f r a g m e n t s o c c a s i o n a l Cryptic messages. O n c e I interdigitated P i e c e s t h a t f i t i n t o a s t r a n g e sign. I t was i n F r e n c h a n d r e a d : " A i m e z - v o u s les U n s les A u t r e s . " D o w i t h this w h a t y o u will. I myself h a v e c h o s e n , by Y o u r g r a c e , To see it as something m o r e T h a n a childish g a m e . A n d s o m e soon day I i m a g i n e I may even see T h e p i c t u r e o n t h e b o x , or, L e d d e e p e r i n t o Y o u r mystery, B e h a n d e d a j i g s a w o r else, As a t r e m b l i n g a p p r e n t i c e , Even a paintbrush.

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In the meantime T h a n k you for letting m e k n o w T h a t it is You W h o are the n a m e of the game.

Acknowledgments

A s was t h e c a s e w i t h m y p r e v i o u s b o o k s , t h e r e i s n o way I c a n t h a n k t h e h u n d r e d s w h o h a v e s u p p o r t e d m e i n w r i t i n g this o n e . A n d , as usual, I m u s t t h a n k those s a m e key p e o p l e w h o k e e p h a n g i n g i n w i t h m e y e a r after year, b o o k after b o o k : Gail P u t e r b a u g h , S u s a n P o i t r a s , V a l e r i e Duffy; m y a g e n t , J o n a t h a n D o l g e r ; m y " s e n i o r " e d i t o r s , F r e d Hills a n d B u r t o n Beals; a n d t h e o n e w h o h a s h u n g i n l o n g e r t h a n a n y o n e , m y e v e r - g r o w i n g wife of thirty-seven y e a r s , Lily. B u t this i s n o t m y u s u a l b o o k , a n d t h e r e i s o n e p e r s o n I h a v e t o s i n g l e o u t for m y very s p e c i a l a p p r e c i a t i o n . B e c a u s e s o m u c h o f its s u b j e c t m a t t e r h a s b e e n s o c l o s e t o m e f o r s o l o n g , I have n e e d e d a very special k i n d of editorial assistance to h e l p m e s e e t h e w o o d s for t h e t r e e s . T h e r i g h t p e r s o n f o r this j o b h a d t o b e s o m e o n e o f p a r t i c u l a r s o p h i s t i c a t i o n i n t h e d i v e r s e areas of psychology, theology, a n d editing. I n d e e d , I h a d to wait t h e b e t t e r p a r t o f a y e a r f o r s e r e n d i p i t y t o b r i n g this "just r i g h t " p e r s o n t o m y d o o r . T h a t p e r s o n was F a n n i e L e F l o r e . I t was a p l e a s u r e t o w o r k w i t h s o m e o n e w i t h s u c h tact, h u m o r , h u m a n ity, a n d f i e r c e i n t e l l i g e n c e . T h a n k y o u , F a n n i e . I c o u l d n ' t h a v e d o n e it without you.

Notes

ABBREVIATIONS MSP = M. Scott Peck TRLT = The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1978) POL = People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1983) FARLT = Further Along the Road Less Traveled: The Unending Journey Toward Spiritual Growth (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1993) DD = The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1987) WWTBB = A World Waiting to Be Born: Civility Rediscovered (New York: Bantam Books, 1993) TFS = The Friendly Snowflake: A Fable of Faith, Love and Family (Atlanta: Turner Publishing, 1992) BBTW = A Bed by the Window: A Novel of Mystery and Redemption ( N e w York: Bantam Books, 1990) WRCIM = What Return Can I Make? Dimensions of the Christian Experience (with Marilyn von Waldner and Patricia Kay) (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1985) GFTJ = Gifts for the Journey: Treasures of the Christian Life (formerly titled What Return Can I Make?) (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1995) ISOS = In Search of Stones: A Pilgrimage of Faith, Reason and Discovery (New York: Hyperion Books, 1995) DOTS = Denial of the Soul: Spiritual and Medical Perspectives on Euthanasia (New York: Harmony Books, 1997)

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CHAPTER 1: THINKING PAGE

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"It is not through": Leonard Hodgson, The Doctrine of the Trinity (London: Nisbet and Co., 1943), p. 138. passive dependent personality: TRLT, p. 99. "A lie which is h a l f : from "The Grandmother" by Alfred, L o r d Tennyson. Such thinking may border on the irrational: POL, p. 212. Now I have the illusion: ISOS, p. 149. "Neurosis is always": Collected Works of C. G.Jung, Bollingen Series, No. 20, Psychology and Religion: West and East, R. F. C. H u l l , transl.

44 50 51 55 57 58 59

(2nd ed.; Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 1973), vol. 2, p. 75. "True to form": TRLT, p. 17. An industrial psychologist once pointed out: See TRLT, p. 121. the will to extend oneself for mutual growth: See TRLT, pp. 81-84. "a radical response": Matthew Fox, On Becoming a Musical Mystical Bear (Mahwah, N.J. Paulist Press, 1976). a conversation I had with a wealthy white stockbroker: ISOS, pp. 9-10. Sunday morning Christian: DD, pp. 234-35; ISOS, p. 367. what the patient does not say: DD, p. 237.

CHAPTER 2: CONSCIOUSNESS PAGE

63

67 68 70 72 74

75

In In Search of Stones, I wrote: ISOS, pp. 348-49.

This loss is symbolized: FARLT, pp. 18-19. In contrast, the impulse to do evil: See FARLT, p. 109. I wrote in People of the Lie: POL, pp. 67-68. The case of Bobby and his parents: ibid., pp. 47-61. The Shadow: The term implies our "dark" side. I place quote marks around the word "dark" here because as I've become increasingly conscious of our cultural tendency to distort language, I take care to avoid stereotyping on the basis of color and racial connotations. Thus readers should view the word here symbolically, not literally. It is our most effective safeguard: WRCIM, pp. 60-62.

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80 82 82 83 84 86 88 89 90 90 91

311

transcendent ego: See WWTBB, pp. 23-26. "Perhaps the best measure": TRLT, p. 76. The Price of Greatness (New York: Guilford Press, 1995). A woman named Jane: See WWTBB, pp. 246-48. Yet another painful burden: See TRLT, p. 288. Naturally associated with our reluctance: ISOS, pp. 133-34. Living Our Dying (New York: Hyperion, 1996). "Throughout the whole of life": TRLT, p. 74. "Wisdom is a spirit": WRCIM, p. 120. Of this still, small voice I gave another example: WRCIM, pp. 124-25; GFTJ, pp. 110-12. I myself had a dream: FARLT, pp. 163-64.

CHAPTER 3: LEARNING AND GROWTH PAGE

96 97

102 103 104 105

my experiences of grace: See TRLT, pp. 307-12 I define the soul: Among its other imperfections, this definition begs the question of whether animals and other life forms have souls. "Do as I say, not as I do" parents: TRLT, pp. 17-26. Time magazine: October 2, 1995. "the latter part of a man's life": source unknown. Strong-willed people have a lot of learning to do: ISOS, p. 231.

105

In his book Will and Spirit: See FARLT, p. 37. See also Will and

106 107 107

Spirit (New York: Harper & Row, 1987). people's capacity to love: TRLT, pp. 299-300. "A man may perform": source unknown. "in harmony with an unseen order of things": pp. 45-49.

108

In In Search of Stones, I wrote: ISOS, p. 305.

110

So at the age of fifteen: WWTBB, pp. 112-13.

110

112 114 114

116 117 120

WWTBB,

In A World Waiting to Be Born, I wrote: WWTBB, p. 113.

So growing out of narcissism: ISOS, pp. 304—307. Another example involves: FARLT, pp. 87-97. as I wrote in The Road Less Traveled: TRLT, pp. 22-26.

Because the further we proceed in diminishing our narcissism: FARLT, pp. 67-68. On Death and Dying (New York: Macmillan, 1970). I killed the desire to win at games: TRLT, pp. 67-69.

312 121 127 128 130 131

132 132

136

M. Scott Peck, M.D.

in The Different Drum I describe it: DD, pp. 94-103. The Spirituality of Imperfection (New York: Bantam, 1994). Indeed, when we realize: FARLT, p. 23. "It is not enough to study": ISOS, p. 15. A Question of Values (San Francisco: Harper, 1991). Although I admire this work immensely, I take some issue with Lewis. I would delete "science," because I consider it a "hybrid" value of reason, experience, and authority, and I would add "revelation" as something that I think is quite different from intuition. It is both our psychological and our spiritual task: WRCIM, p. 150. I have told the story of my learning experience: WRCIM, pp.149-50. The Fifth Discipline (New York: Doubleday, 1990).

CHAPTER 4: PERSONAL LIFE CHOICES PAGES

140 143 144 147 148 152 152 153 159

So there are at least: FARLT, pp. 29-32. Neurotic guilt is unnecessary: FARLT, pp. 21-22. Although triumph isn't guaranteed: TRLT, pp. 15-17. Those with character disorders: TRLT, pp. 35-37. Submission implies an effective submission: WWTBB, p. 48. "There is no neutral ground in the universe": POL, p. 83. What God calls me to do: WWTBB, p. 61. A forty-year-old sergeant major: WWTBB, pp. 62-64. A modicum of depression: ISOS, pp. 133-34.

162

In A World Waiting to Be Born: WWTBB, pp. 166-68.

CHAPTER 5: ORGANIZATIONAL LIFE CHOICES PAGES

171 171 173 174 178

"systems theory": WWTBB, pp. 18-20. the presence of a brand-new part: WWTBB, pp. 34-35. the hole in the mind: WWTBB, chapter 4: "The Hole in the M i n d : The Lack of Group Consciousness," pp. 29-41. For a fuller discussion of ethics and civility, see WWTBB, pp. 43-54. Discussion of roles in Pecks' marriage: DD, pp. 53-58.

313

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED AND BEYOND

183 187 187

191 192 194

Employees often suffer grievously: The anecdote that follows also appears in WWTBB, pp. 36-39. The work at FCE: WWTBB, pp. 332-36. As I noted in The Road Less Traveled: TRLT, pp. 65-66.

"What happens when": WRCIM, p. 152. The Wounded Healer (New York: Doubleday, 1979). The spirit of "dirty tricks" was virtually everywhere: WWTBB, p. 258.

CHAPTER 6: CHOICES ABOUT SOCIETY PAGES

205 as I made quite clear in People of the Lie: POL, p. 211. 205 Using My Lai as a case study: POL, pp. 217-18. 206 When any institution becomes: FARLT, p. 180; DD, p. 251. 212 Whenever someone is bold enough to ask me: FARLT, p. 115. 214 "The truth will set you free our glory as human beings: DD, pp. 178-84. 217 Perhaps no pitfall is more dangerous: The sense of entitlement to peace is discussed in ISOS, pp. 254—56. 217 the Prince of Peace: ISOS, p. 260. 226 It's just that as a Depression baby: ISOS, pp. 176-78. 232 "It is almost always easier": quoted in Smithsonian, v. 26, no. 12 (March 1996), p. 56. 232 Yet its influence is greater than ever: ISOS, pp. 172-73. 233 We were able to meet: ISOS, pp. 276-77. 233

235 236

In A World Waiting to Be Born: WWTBB, p. 222.

"Now there are diversities of gifts": I Corinthians 12:4-26. what a wonderfully variegated fabric we are: WWTBB, pp. 22324.

CHAPTER 7: THE "SCIENCE" OF GOD PAGES

243 243

The use of measurement: TRLT, p. 226. "To what appear to be": quoted in TRLT, p. 227. Originally in Science

and

the

Common

Schuster, 1953), p. 40.

Understanding

(New York:

Simon

&

314 244

M. Scott Peck, M.D.

the sacred consciousness and the secular consciousness: Ascent of the Mountain, Flight of the Dove (New York:

246 248 249

250 251 251 256 258 258 265 269 270 273 280

283 283

Harper & Row,

1978). Stages of Faith (New York: Harper & Row, 1981). "My Name is Legion": Masterpieces of Religious Verse (New York: Harper & Row, 1948), p. 274. "Henceforth you will be called Israel": Genesis 32:22-32; I am indebted to Frederick Buechner for bringing the meaning of this story home to me in his superb book of sermons, appropriately named after this great myth: The Magnificent Defeat (New York: Seabury, 1968). We are all Israel: DD, pp. 206-208. Since natural knowledge became: FARLT, p. 236. This unwritten social contract is tearing us apart: FARLT, pp. 179-80. The Holy Conjunction is the conjunction of integrity: ISOS, pp. 368-69. we fail to take full advantage of them: TRLT, pp. 257-58. The indications of grace a n d / o r serendipity: TRLT, p. 260. We must let them be true gifts: TRLT, pp. 309-10. nowhere else on earth: POL, p. 264. The deepest healing: WRCIM, p. 14. A n d the most common emotional response: DD, pp. 86-105. In A World Waiting to Be Born: WWTBB, p. 360.

Indeed, we might think on our more optimistic days: WWTBB, pp. 359-63. A n d there are also many other things: John 21:25.

284

The Weight of Glory

286

1980). "It is a terrifying thing": FARLT, p. 234.

& Other Addresses

(New York:

Macmillan,

About the Author

M. Scott Peck, M.D., is a psychiatrist a n d best-selling a u t h o r of m a n y b o o k s . E d u c a t e d a t H a r v a r d (B.A.) a n d C a s e W e s t e r n Res e r v e ( M . D . ) , Dr. P e c k s e r v e d i n a d m i n i s t r a t i v e p o s t s i n t h e gove r n m e n t d u r i n g h i s c a r e e r i n t h e A r m y M e d i c a l C o r p s , a n d was t h e n a p s y c h i a t r i s t i n p r i v a t e p r a c t i c e f r o m 1972 t o 1 9 8 4 . F o r t h e p a s t t h i r t e e n y e a r s , h e h a s d e v o t e d m u c h o f h i s t i m e a n d fin a n c i a l r e s o u r c e s t o t h e w o r k o f t h e F o u n d a t i o n for C o m m u nity E n c o u r a g e m e n t , a n o n p r o f i t o r g a n i z a t i o n t h a t h e a n d h i s wife, Lily, h e l p e d f o u n d i n 1 9 8 4 . H e lives i n n o r t h w e s t C o n necticut.

All w h o wish t o e x p l o r e F C E ' s services o r s u p p o r t its m i s s i o n a r e w e l c o m e t o w r i t e o r call T h e F o u n d a t i o n for C o m m u n i t y E n c o u r a g e m e n t P.O. Box 449 Ridgefield, C o n n e c t i c u t 06877 P h o n e : (203) 431-9484 FAX: ( 2 0 3 ) 4 3 1 - 9 3 4 9