The Star Man

To Carolyn Topol with affection.

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter One Christmas Eve

M ATTHEW CROMBY mopped the entryway of the big offices that had taken him on six months ago. It wasn’t his dream job, night janitorial services, since once upon a time he’d dreamed of going to college, but he didn’t let himself think about the things he’d once wanted, the wrong turn his life had taken. He had a job, and it wasn’t easy for an ex-con to get work. At eleven sharp the golden boy himself walked by, no briefcase, probably headed to his private suite upstairs. His silken brown hair was windblown, in his eyes, and right then Matthew flashed to a fantasy that it was tangled from the touch of his hands. Yeah, right. One thing he’d learned; Dove Hollister was as coldly unattainable as he was beautiful. And he didn’t see someone like Matthew or care that his eyes followed him the nights Matthew worked here. “It’s wet, see?” Matthew warned him while the deep, burning ember in his gut made him want to see the big man fall on his ass. For some reason Dove brought it home to Matthew that he’d once dreamed of being an explorer: an archeologist or an astronomer, walking in different worlds. Maybe if he’d done something with his life, someone like Dove would look at him. Instead, he was lucky to have a job cleaning the floors, the johns, the hallways. “What?” Dove Hollister had a faraway look in his eyes, his gaze 3

The Star Man * Jan Irving passing over Matthew, who was just dirt under his expensive leather loafers. Fucker. Matthew tried to swallow his resentment. “The floor. Wet. Slip on your ass. Get it?” “Do you think that’s a good way to speak to the CEO?” It was said quietly, and now Dove was finally looking Matthew in the eye. “And you can’t smoke in this building!” He sounded appalled. Matthew wasn’t impressed. “It’s after hours. Haven’t seen anyone.” “It’s my building!” Dove snatched the cigarette from Matthew’s mouth, standing there with it, looking stupid. “Uh.” “Brilliant move!” Dove’s eyes saucered at Matthew’s rudeness. “What did you say?” He certainly had the big man’s attention now, and part of him rode it like a hot wind, knowing he’d fall and burn, but not before Dove acknowledged him. After months of watching him walk by, disinterested, Matthew needed to make an impression on the man he both disliked… and desired. “You can’t fire me if I quit!” Matthew growled. Shit! He hadn’t meant to go that far; he needed this job. Why was his mouth always acting for him, swinging punches before his head caught up? “I’m not going to fire you. I just don’t want you smoking in my elegant foyer, isn’t that clear?” “It’ll be more elegant if you get out of my way so I can finish mopping it.” Matthew shoved some of his blond hair out of his eyes, 4

The Star Man * Jan Irving wishing stupidly that they were friends, that Dove stopped and chatted with him sometimes like in his daydreams. He was such an idiot and now he was totally overreacting, blowing it. Dove blinked. “Have a nice day. Sir.” Matthew turned his back on Dove and went back to the janitor deal. Few more hours and he’d be back in his crappy apartment, lying on his bed. And maybe he’d think about those dark, startled eyes, the tangled brown hair tumbled over the forehead, and Dove’s height, which he secretly found sexy, though he knew his fantasies made Dove out to be nicer than he was. Dove’s cell phone went off and he answered it, no doubt already forgetting Matthew. “Yeah... hey. I’m sorry; I meant to call about him. How is Antony doing? Did you get back the test results? Uh huh. Look, I want to know what’s wrong with him.” …“No, I don’t believe that! He’s just lazy. He needs to focus, and let me make it clear that he’s your problem; I have a company to run!” …“Fine, but I have plans this weekend, so just send him back to boarding school, okay? Yeah, that’s the way I want it and I’ll thank you not to lecture me about being a parent! Antony is very well provided for. I know, I sign the fucking checks.” Dove clicked the cell closed, breathing hard. And Matthew burst out, “You selfish prick!” “What did you say to me? How dare you listen to my phone call?” Dove stormed toward Matthew and— —slipped and fell on his hot, muscled ass. Matthew smirked, watching as the big man kept sliding and couldn’t regain his feet so that he hit the wet floor with a smack that 5

The Star Man * Jan Irving was very satisfying, almost as if Matthew himself had delivered it. And wasn’t that a thought? He looked down at Dove, who was staring up at him with his mouth agape, his wide dark eyes fixed on Matthew’s face, his hair in his eyes, his suit all messed up. Seeing him like that, Matthew’s body responded, but his disillusionment that Dove wasn’t anything like his fantasy man sharpened his arousal, so he took another dig, “Shouldn’t eat the donuts they bring round, huh?” “What?” Now Dove was well and truly pissed. “You know what? You are fired!” Matthew swallowed, hiding how humiliated he felt. Another job gone. What would his parole officer say? How would he keep his small, dingy apartment with only one part-time job at the new age shop? But he couldn’t let this man see his worry. In prison, he’d tried so hard to learn how to conceal his emotions and hide himself, because showing any vulnerability was a bad idea. Still, a flash of what he was feeling must have been on his face, because Dove took a deep breath, eyes softening slightly. But any kindness from this man, this beautiful, unattainable man, would rub like acid on Matthew’s pride, his wounds. He would never trust anyone again. He let his mop fall, clattering loudly against the black granite floor. “Go fuck yourself!” * * *

O UTSIDE it was cold, the air driven by stinging rain, which was to be 6

The Star Man * Jan Irving expected in December even in Los Angeles, but a stronger storm front had moved in off the Pacific, and with it had come lightning and wind. Dove shook his keys out, cursing the work they were doing to bring up the codes for earthquakes in the underground garage, which meant he was going to get all wet before he climbed into his sleek little honey of a car. As he paused, he saw the mouthy ex-janitor being escorted from the building, his belongings dropped at his feet by a smug security guard who closed and locked the glass door. After a long moment, Matthew—from his name tag—bent and picked up his pathetic little collection of personal items. His eyes were down, but Dove was sure he’d seen a flash of resentful blue in his direction. The blond hair was already soaked, loose curls which made him look boyish... vulnerable. And for a moment Dove felt regret, remembering the look in those tortured eyes. But then he also remembered how a total stranger had dared to criticize him for how he treated his son. “‘Selfish prick!’ What the fuck do you know about it?” Dove whispered, still fuming at his ex-employee’s rudeness. He was doing what he could for Antony. “Merry Christmas!” His ex-janitor smirked at seeing Dove also walking outside. He paused in folding his belongings, straightened, and opened his belt. Another second and he’d unzipped his fly, yanked down his tighty whiteys— Eyes wide, Dove roared, “You will not piss on my—!” As Dove sprinted toward Matthew to stop him from urinating against the pristine glass door of Dove’s office building, which represented the hard-won zenith of years of work, there was a 7

The Star Man * Jan Irving tremendous flash of lightning, whiting out vision and striking a tiny silver hovering object forty feet above the two men in the sky above. * * *

THE lightning continued its crazy jagged path and hit Dove, who grabbed his chest, letting out a soft grunt as he toppled onto a halfnaked, penis-in-fist, former janitor. “Oh fuck!” Matthew cursed, arms full of his limp former boss, who outweighed him by a generous margin. And the tiny spaceship above exploded, sending out a wave of raw energy which struck Dove’s crumpled body. * * *

M ATTHEW ran a frantic hand over Dove’s neck to find his pulse. “Don’t be dead, you selfish son of a—!” Dove sat up, blinked, and cocked his head at Matthew. “Holy shit! Take it easy now; I’ll get help. You were… I think you were dead there a minute!” Matthew spoke through numb lips, so freaked out while his hands slid over Dove’s soaked clothing, Dove’s icy skin. “Where… am… I?” Dove demanded. The hairs on the back of Matthew’s neck prickled as the guard behind them opened the door and ran toward him and his former boss. Years at being on his guard in prison had honed Matthew’s instincts. That voice and the look in Dove’s eyes…. Something felt off. 8

The Star Man * Jan Irving “We’re, uh, outside your office.” Dove cocked his head again, almost insect-like, and studied the building that towered above him and his half-naked former janitor. “I’m lost,” he told Matthew wistfully. The guard arrived, giving Matthew a scandalized look, and Matthew flushed because of how he must look, with his pants around his ankles and his tackle hanging out in the rain, tangled up with his former boss who was acting like, an alien or something! “You just need to go to the hospital with the nice paramedics and get checked out. You were hit by lightning.” You were dead. No, impossible. The guard was on his radio, summoning help. Well, thank fuck for that. Soon he’d be on the city bus out of here, and he could begin figuring out how to get a new job before January second, his next appointment with his parole officer. With the janitor deal gone, he wouldn’t exactly be living it up for the holidays, but he had no one to buy a gift for. No one at all. Still dazed by this trippy night, Matthew hurriedly did up his pants, blushing again because Dove was staring at his parts. “Will you be my Earth friend?” Dove asked earnestly. “What the Christ is wrong with him?” the guard demanded, looking freaked. He probably was worried he’d lose his cushy job if the big boss bought it on his rotation. “Got his eggs scrambled by the lightning, but he’s….” Matthew swallowed, not sure Dove was all right. That chilly skin. The flat intonations of his voice. The weird buzz of static when Matthew touched him. 9

The Star Man * Jan Irving “Jesus. He’s lucky to be alive! That was some freaky storm! And that weird green light, what do you think that was?” “Dunno, didn’t see it.” Matthew steadied Dove, who was looking around, bewildered, moving stiffly as if to get accustomed to his own body again. Suddenly Dove fell down. The powerful CEO wrapped his arms around Matthew’s legs. “Help me. I’m afraid.” “Oh shit!” Matthew pulled him to his feet and then, embarrassed because of the way the guard was staring at him and Dove, patted the larger man awkwardly. “You’ll be fine. You were just… hurt a little. Maybe in your head, yeah?” Dove nodded. “My eyes don’t work like they should,” he noted, before continuing mournfully, “I’m not in my own body anymore.” “Uh. Right.” “I’m scared.” Dove was actually trembling under Matthew’s hands. Matthew grasped Dove’s hands, looking into formerly hard brown eyes and seeing only… innocence? “Don’t be,” he said softly, unwillingly snared by that frightened look. “Will you be my Earth friend?” “Yeah, okay.” Shit! Matthew was glad to see the ambulance had arrived. He watched two men get out, remove a stretcher, and head in their direction, but when the attendants looked at Dove, he refused to let go of his death grip on Matthew’s hand. “He’s my Earth friend,” he told the two men firmly. “Did he hit his head?” one of them asked Matthew, opening Dove’s dark brown eye wide and shining a light into it, which made 10

The Star Man * Jan Irving Dove squirm and try to pull away. Matthew shook his head. “He was hit by the lightning. I could have sworn he was….” “What?” Sharp eyes in his direction as the man tried to size up his patient. Matthew swallowed. “I thought his heart stopped.” The second paramedic pulled out a stethoscope and listened to Dove’s heart. “He’s seems fine now. Sir, can you tell me your name?” the paramedic asked, studying Dove. “Name?” Dove’s brow wrinkled. “I don’t have a name. I’m an angel.”

11

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Two “I’ LL need a urine sample.” A bored-looking nurse passed Dove a cup. He took it and blinked at Matthew, who was increasingly concerned over the strange things his ex-boss was saying. He was also waiting patiently until Melody, Dove’s bimbo ex-wife who had sometimes shown up in the lobby while Matthew was working, came by and took her fruity hubby off his hands. He couldn’t figure out why he was even here now! He’d hated— and okay, lusted for—Dove as long as he’d worked in his building. But he should be on the city line bus back into town now. Maybe watch the movie Star Wars again once he was home. He loved the scene when Luke Skywalker looked out at the night sky, longing for something more, some wonder in his dull life. Matthew had felt that way for as long as he could remember, until all those hazy dreams had been stomped into dust. But losing himself in fantasy seemed the thing to do since he’d lost his job, and unfortunately Matthew had plenty of experience since he invariably mouthed off to the wrong person. Even prison hadn’t hammered that defiance out of him, though it had left him weary, like a ram that had struck a wall over and over again and broken its horns, lost its fire. He wasn’t stupid; he knew it was probably himself he was really battling, himself he didn’t like so much. He’d been trying to kick his habit of getting his back up, but Dove got to him where he lived, so 12

The Star Man * Jan Irving beautiful and untouchable. He’d wanted him, wanted him to be the sweet man of his fantasies. “I can’t give you a urine sample. I’m sorry,” Dove said now, very politely, as he stubbornly passed the container back, a look of patrician distaste on his face. Typical. Apparently Mr. High and Mighty didn’t take a piss on command. “Look, honey, it’s not like I’m asking you for the other kind of sample so just get your pretty-boy rear end into the men’s and bring me back some, huh?” The nurse widened her eyes in emphasis, obviously not any more impressed with Dove’s lack of cooperation than Matthew was. “Other kind of sample?” Dove frowned, and Matthew noticed how dilated his pupils were. Something was definitely off with him. “I’m sorry. I just… can’t.” Matthew shrugged when the nurse glared, silently telling her he couldn’t intervene. Dove was his former boss, not his boyfriend. “I’ll be back for a blood sample, and I will be gettin’ that!” she stated, giving them both a stern look before she hustled off to another patient. Matthew guessed since he was here, he might as well try reaching Dove. He slouched closer to him, offering, “You need to help them find out what’s wrong with you. You really aren’t, uh, acting like yourself.” “How do I usually appear to you?” Dove asked, looking curious. “Like an asshole.” Matthew flushed. He guessed that wasn’t quite 13

The Star Man * Jan Irving a bedside manner type of deal. “Uh, you just seem….” Bewildered. Innocent. Sweet. Matthew rubbed his forehead and the growing thundercloud of a headache. He did not just think his former boss was sweet. Christ! “There’s nothing wrong with me. I- I do not….” Unbelievably, Dove’s eyes filled with tears. Seeing that, Matthew felt an odd punch to the gut. It was unbelievable that this hardened man would suddenly be so vulnerable. “Don’t what?” He made sure his tone was impatient. He was not going to fall for Dove’s sudden appeal, which seemed designed perfectly to get under Matthew’s skin. It had to be an act! “I don’t pee.” Dove whispered the words very firmly directly into Matthew’s ear, making him harden instantly at the touch of soft lips brushing his sensitive skin. As a result, it took him a beat to absorb Dove’s meaning. Matthew’s head fell back, his headache increasing so the blood struck against his temples. Oh man, what had he gotten himself into? * * *

M ATTHEW almost fell asleep in the chair next to Dove’s bed in the time it took the nurse to return to take a blood sample. He was so tired from his long day. Right now he was working two jobs to try to save a little money so he could go back to school, just put the shit behind him from his past, and maybe learn a bit of a trade. He didn’t hope for the things he had when he’d been a boy, sleeping under a Star Trek comforter and looking up at a ceiling he’d painted himself of the solar system: Saturn, Jupiter, Mars and Venus…. 14

The Star Man * Jan Irving Small hopes. They were all Matthew had now, all he dared to wish for. As he sat up, blinking and rubbing his jaw, which was raspy now, he saw that the nurse had wrapped Dove’s arm in a rubber tube, checking his blood pressure. Dove gazed up at her, as if an interested spectator and not a patient. She frowned, shaking her head. “That can’t be right!” “What’s wrong?” Matthew asked, belly tightening, still uneasy since he couldn’t shake the memory of touching Dove’s cold, crumpled body. “Something must be faulty with my stethoscope because I can’t hear his heart beating.” The nurse shook it. “I’ll get another in a moment, but I need to take some blood, so just one second,” she told Dove. “This won’t hurt.” She had a needle in her hand. “No, it won’t hurt,” Dove repeated in a serene voice. The nurse pushed a needle to his skin… and broke it. “What the—! Uh, it must have been defective or something. Are you all right, sugar?” Concerned cocoa eyes focused on Dove’s face. Matthew found himself staring at Dove, a chill tingling down his back. Dove looked absolutely calm, like a statue of the Buddha in the new age store where Matthew worked. There was no blood on his arm from the broken needle, though the nurse had searched his skin, frantic to ensure he was okay after the unsettling accident. “Yes, I’m sorry; I can’t let you take my blood.” Dove pushed the blanket off his lap, straightening. “I can’t stay here,” he confided in her softly. “I really need to try to figure out how to get back home now, but thank you for being so nice to me.” 15

The Star Man * Jan Irving “Your wife is going to be here soon!” the nurse warned, obviously a bit shaken after the incident. “We called her for you, so you should really wait for her. Besides, I don’t think you’ll be going anywhere just yet, Mr. Hollister. I’d really like the doctor to take a look at your arm and make sure you’re all right.” Dove only smiled that Buddha smile, cocking his head as if analyzing the nurse’s words and finding some private amusement in her concern. “The man Dove will be nicer to his wife in the future; he will also be nicer to his son,” Dove informed her. “He merely needed a new perspective.” Matthew stared at him, hit by that eerie feeling that he was in the presence of some kind of other version of his ex-boss, because Dove’s smile was so full of sweetness. He did not seem at all like the stick-uphis-ass jerk who had fired Matthew. “I’m going to go get your doctor!” The nurse left the room in a huff. As if feeling Matthew’s gaze, Dove looked at him, his eyes not dark and snapping now, but more doe-like. Oh yeah, he was different. Fuck, he got to Matthew even more than he had before, appealing to the protector, making Matthew want to take care of him and touch him. Shit! “Matthew?” Dove chewed his lip, thankfully seeming to be oblivious to Matthew’s thoughts. “Yeah?” “It’s time to go now.” Dove climbed out of the bed, but Matthew instinctively blocked his path. “Dove, look, I know I called you a prick before, and you really are, but you’re not acting like yourself, and I’m… worried about you.” 16

The Star Man * Jan Irving “That’s because I’m not,” Dove admitted. Again the chilly feather touched Matthew’s back. Dove walked over to the window and lifted the sill, which gave in a long grinding creak. The rain and cold breath of the remainder of the storm swept into the room. “What the fuck are you doing?” Matthew snagged Dove’s hand. “Dove!” Dove smiled, still very sure of himself. He squeezed Matthew’s hand, and Matthew glanced at their entwined fingers, gut knotting, feeling a connection he’d never experienced with anyone before. And then— “Oh. My. God!” Dove still clasped Matthew’s hand firmly. He was smiling, happy. His eyes were glowing a little with a strange silvery sheen in the dark, velvet depths. His hospital gown ruffled in the breeze as they floated easily out of the tall window. Matthew squeezed his eyes shut, jean-clad legs wrapped desperately around Dove’s bare legs now. Gripping him tight, not breathing, too fucking scared to breathe! “Open your eyes, Matthew,” Dove murmured. “Don’t be afraid. Didn’t you dream about doing this many times?” Somehow Matthew couldn’t deny his strange companion, and a touch of wonder poked through his terror. This was like one of his daydreams, like a dream he might have had as a child of innocently flying through the air. No one to hurt him, to grind him into the dirt.

17

The Star Man * Jan Irving Feeling the updraft, seeing palm trees below like matchsticks sprouting brooms of green, the lights of the city like a carpet unrolled just for them. The giant Santa Claus at the car dealership two blocks away leering at them as it bobbed as freely as they did. The wind in his hair and then Dove’s fingers. He looked at Dove, transfixed. Dove’s lips parted and he frowned slightly, as if perplexed. “Matthew?” His tone had something in it that caught at Matthew’s chest, so for a moment, insanely, he forget they were hovering over a hospital parking lot. There was only Dove. Dove’s soft chocolate eyes on him. His fingers knitted to Matthew’s. “Where did you get the name ‘Dove’?” Matthew asked in a bemused voice. He’d always been curious. “This body once belonged to a good man,” Dove answered. “But he didn’t want anyone to know. He didn’t want you to know.” “Huh?” Sweat broke out on Matthew’s forehead as his attention returned to their height, but they only continued gently down fourteen stories to the glistening cars, toll booths, and puddles waiting below. “I like to fly,” Dove said when they landed. “Matthew, what’s the matter?” Matthew had collapsed onto the tarmac, panting. “Shit!” “Are you sick? We can go back and you can pee in a cup if you need to.” “I knew there was something wrong with you. Knew you were different but—!” Matthew shook his head. He thought of his life. 18

The Star Man * Jan Irving Remembered sleeping with a shiv under his pillow. The way he never sat with his back exposed to anyone in a restaurant or bar. The young man he’d hired his first night out to give him the works. The lousy jobs he kept losing. Nothing in his ordinary, stained life had prepared him for something like this! “Holy shit! You’re some kind of fucking E.T., aren’t you?”

19

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Three M ATTHEW looked around his small basement apartment and flushed because of all the dirty laundry and shit everywhere; he shoved some stuff off his couch so Dove could sit down. “I’ll lend you my jeans, but they’ll be tight, I reckon.” Dove looked over his shoulder at his bare rear end which was revealed by his cut-out hospital gown. “I’m okay.” “No, you’re not. You can’t walk around like that. And I need my coat.” Matthew’s voice was tight as he caught another glimpse of the high globes of Dove’s ass. “Only one I got.” Fortunately, he’d been able to bundle Dove up in his long leather coat, which had made it possible to use local transit from the hospital to Matthew’s shit hole apartment. Matthew hadn’t been up to flying again, to trusting the freaky experience, so the coat had shielded Dove as they worked their way through the bad part of town. Matthew shook his head, trying not to look at Dove’s alluring body now. “So, can I get you a beer?” he offered. “If you drink beer, that is.” “I would like to experience alcohol.” Dove smiled at him, looking so impressed with the crappy apartment that Matthew experienced a wave of weariness. “What’s wrong, Earth friend?” Dove added. “Don’t keep calling me ‘Earth friend’, all right? It sounds dorky.” 20

The Star Man * Jan Irving Matthew opened the fridge and took out a beer for Dove. Dove’s gaze fell. “I’m sorry.” Matthew was abruptly ashamed of himself because of the crankiness his odd visitor was bringing out in him. He didn’t understand it. Why did he want to take digs at him just because he was so happy and peaceful? But it was like Matthew had experienced the world one way, and Dove another, and Matthew couldn’t help but want to throw mud all over Dove’s rosy picture. It didn’t make sense, since as a kid, he’d yearned to live in Dove’s world. “What’s this?” Dove lifted a magazine off the floor that Matthew had been given by a prison friend before he left the joint. “Shit!” “They look energetic.” Dove turned the picture on its side. “Except the young man is tied down, so it’s hard to see if he’s smiling or not.” “He’s… very, uh, content, I’m sure.” Matthew snatched the magazine full of pictures showing the adventures of a young submissive being “broken in” by multiple masters and shoved it behind the couch. He was blushing. Fuck! Dove blinked at him, looking interested. “Are you embarrassed by your sexuality?” This was surer ground. “No!” Matthew shoved back his hair. “Can you tell me what happened? I mean, you are obviously not Dove-myboss. Is he dead?” “No, he is sleeping inside of me,” Dove-E.T. explained. “I sustained him when he might not have continued. And also, I think my 21

The Star Man * Jan Irving joining with him will make him a happier person.” “Peachy.” Matthew scratched his beard shadow. Shit, that was weird, but he guessed no weirder than his beloved science fiction books and movies. “You said you were an angel, but… you don’t mean with wings and shit, right?” Dove gave the back of the couch a curious look, as if he’d like to flip through more of Matthew’s magazine. “We watch your people. Sometimes we slip inside someone’s body to better understand them. So I know what Dove knew, but I’m not sure I truly understand what it is to be human; I’ve only been here a few thousand years.” Matthew blinked, feeling a need to sit down. He’d think he’d finally cracked if he hadn’t played Lois Lane to Dove’s Superman an hour ago. “Guess it was just your bad luck you wound up latched on to me.” Dove swallowed. In a softer voice, he said, “No, it was not bad luck.” “What do you mean?” Matthew frowned. “I mean I have watched you since you were a child, Matthewfriend. Your… yearning called to me.” Matthew’s flushed, not sure what the hell that meant. “What about when I was in prison?” Dove shook his head. “Your anger burned; I couldn’t get close to you.” “Lucky you,” he rasped, relieved the angel or whatever the fuck he was hadn’t played voyeur then. “So you said you needed to get back?” Dove nodded. “The last time I walked among humans, you all 22

The Star Man * Jan Irving wore different clothing and thought I was a god. It was fun!” Matthew smiled reluctantly. “Well, what do you need to get home; put up a big signal fire and then your little green buddies will find you?” Dove nodded, smiling. “Yes, I will do that.” “What do you really look like?” Matthew asked, sitting down on the edge of his single bed, which faced the couch. Dove’s dark eyes sparkled mysteriously. “Like an angel, of course. Some stories about us are true.” Matthew sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I’ve finally gone and lost it!” Dove cocked his head, looking sad. “You are unhappy; I can see it. Your aura has been very dark since you left prison. I’ve been concerned about you, Matthew-friend.” Matthew shifted, uncomfortable. “I’ll take the couch; you take the bed.” “Don’t you want to talk about what I see in your aura?” Dove frowned. “No, not especially.” Matthew shrugged. Dove looked briefly frustrated, and Matthew felt a kind of bitter satisfaction because he’d dimmed that irritating enthusiasm. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the angel admitting he’d watched him. What for? Matthew was nothing special. “Do I sleep?” Dove asked, cocking his head. Matthew growled, “Well, I sure as fuck do, so you’ll give it a go, all right? Then we’ll see what we can do to help you out in the 23

The Star Man * Jan Irving morning. And, uh, I haven’t got any cereal to eat here, so we’ll have to go to a bar for breakfast.” Dove nodded, dark eyes trusting on Matthew’s face, as if he couldn’t possibly imagine Matthew deceiving him. That look weighed on Matthew’s spirit, a burden. He wasn’t any kind of fucking hero. “We will do as you say, Matthew-friend.” Dove climbed to his feet and shrugged off his hospital gown, dropping it to the floor so he was standing in front of Matthew completely naked, his beautiful body lean and sculpted with muscle. His chest was smooth, but there was a thin line of black hair which flared out around a heavy sex, hanging softly between his legs. Matthew looked away and took a deep gulp of his beer, choking on it. Dove leaned over and smacked his back, his cock at Matthew’s eye level—close enough to reach out and taste. “I’m okay, all right? Just fucking go to bed!” Matthew snarled. “And cover yourself up.” “Yes, Matthew.” Dove’s brow crinkled. He looked confused and a little hurt. “I… was sure you’d like this body. I chose it for you.” “Turns out you were wrong,” he lied. Matthew felt bad, but what was he supposed to say to explain himself? Admit he wanted to jump E.T.?

24

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Four “M ATTHEW?” “What is it now?” Matthew had been secretly rubbing his erection under the blanket and wondering who to hire to dress up with wings and shit as an angel. Turned out, he needed his tree trimmed in a hurry. “There’s something wrong with me!” Dove sounded panicked. Matthew sat up, snapped on the lamp by the couch, and looked over at Dove, who was sitting with his arms wrapped around himself, apprehension tightening his face. “Uh, I dunno.” Matthew rubbed his unshaven jaw. “Are you having some kind of ‘alien’ problem?” “No. Yes. I don’t know. This body is… uncomfortable.” This was the part where if it were Matthew’s X-rated fantasy, Dove would tell him his cock was hard and could Matthew please, please suck him all better? Matthew rolled his eyes at his own cheesiness before tugging on some jeans under the covers, unable to zip them over his erection, but it was something, anyway. He didn’t want to scare the innocent alien. “What is it, gorgeous?” His voice softened as he knelt beside Dove’s bed, unprepared for the angel’s instant response of pressing himself trustingly into Matthew’s arms. “The hell? Dove, you can’t just 25

The Star Man * Jan Irving hug someone!” “Why not? You are my friend. Don’t friends hug? I watched sitcoms for a while, and the friends always hugged and cried.” Matthew laughed a little, rueful. The truth was that Dove’s big warm body felt so good in his arms. He hadn’t been close to another person unless it was a quick, nasty coupling in so long. In prison it was always about being attacked or doing someone a favor. Matthew had fought for years not to be anyone’s bitch—not always successfully. He closed his eyes tightly on the memories, relieved again that his strange voyeur hadn’t been watching that portion of his life. Don’t think about it! “You’re shaking. Are you uncomfortable too?” “I have trouble getting close to anyone,” Matthew rasped, honest in the safety of the near darkness. Honest in Dove’s arms, his clean masculine scent a pleasant aroma. Matthew was so used to being alone he absorbed the experience, hungry for touch. “Every time I look at your aura, I feel bad, Matthew. Part of it is bleeding.” The angel’s tone was sorrowful. He nuzzled Matthew as if to comfort him. Matthew felt pain expand in his chest at the simple truth he felt in Dove’s words. He couldn’t speak for a moment. “Some very bad stuff happened to me once. Now, tell me what’s wrong with you now?” But Dove wasn’t quite ready to be sidetracked. “Will you tell me what happened to you if I do?” “I…never talk about it.” “But what about your friends?” “I don’t have any friends.” Matthew swallowed at the warmth in 26

The Star Man * Jan Irving Dove’s melted chocolate eyes. “Just a few fuck buddies from the joint.” “I’ll be your friend.” Matthew nodded, bizarrely unable to speak. Why did Dove get to him like this? Physically he’d always rung his bell, even as his jerk boss, but now, Matthew struggled to resist the angel’s gentle appeal. “Maybe you really are an angel. Maybe I’ll call you that sometimes.” “Okay.” Dove smiled. He took Matthew’s hand and placed it over his lower abdomen. “It’s swollen there and aches. Am I dying?” His eyes were suddenly anxious. Matthew’s hand was a little shaky from touching that silky skin. An inch lower and he’d be touching Dove’s sex. Shit, he wanted to rub his face against it, kiss it… “That’s because you need to use the john.” Dove’s eyes widened in horror. “But I don’t—” Matthew cocked a brow. “How long you usually suit up in something human?” “A few of your seconds.” Matthew laughed. “Why are you laughing at me, Matthew-friend?” “Because you have the same,” he cleared his throat, “needs as the rest of us now. So you need to urinate. Go ahead and you’ll feel better.” “How do I?” “Hold your penis over the toilet and relax your body. It will work out, trust me. You know how to do the rest, right? Um, flush the toilet and wash your hands?” Matthew had indulged in some sandalwood soap from the new age shop where he worked recently. He imagined the scent would be very appealing on Dove’s skin. 27

The Star Man * Jan Irving “Yes, I’ve watched the procedure before.” Dove’s brow wrinkled as he concentrated on Matthew’s instructions. “Watched you before. Also, I believe I know how to take a shower, although you take very long ones, Matthew.” Now Matthew was blushing. He took long showers since it was his favorite place to jerk off. Had the angel observed him doing that? Shit! Dove got up and went to the bathroom, but a second later, he called out, sounding disgruntled. “Something’s wrong!” “What is it now?” “When I first woke up I just felt uncomfortable. Then we hugged.” Dove came out and Matthew immediately saw what the problem was. Hard to miss. “Matthew, I changed shape!” Matthew wet dry lips. He’d like to suck that big cock and show his angel just how good he could feel, and oh, fuck, he was going straight to hell for thinking that about the poor, innocent alien! “Just give it a minute and it will go away,” he suggested hoarsely. Dove stroked a finger down his long length, and his lips curved. “I like having a penis!” “Yeah. Uh, well, if you keep playing with it, you won’t be able to think about anything else, trust me, so you should think about whatever space men think about when they don’t want to think about sex.” “I have never thought about sex, other than to observe it; it appears awkward.” Dove raised his brows, as if hoping Matthew would enlighten him. Matthew scrubbed his jaw. “Dove, please go in the bathroom and 28

The Star Man * Jan Irving just give it a moment, okay? In the morning I’ll help you do whatever it is you need to do to go back where you came from, but tonight—” “Are you shy, Matthew?” Dove was smiling, cocking his head to study Matthew. Matthew didn’t know whether to laugh or tear his hair. “No, I’m very not shy. That’s the problem! Now get your sexy, innocent ass safely out of my sight and stop waving your pretty candy cane around, alright?” “Candy cane?” Dove gave his erection a fond look. “I think I like that.” “I’m a bad boy, but I’m trying to be good, so you do your thing, and then we’ll get some sleep,” Matthew asserted grumpily. God, the sexy angel was going to kill him. But he couldn’t take advantage, not after what had happened to him in prison. He never wanted to hurt or disillusion Dove; the thought made his chest tight. Dove hesitated, clearly enjoying playing with his new toy, but finally he reluctantly headed into the bathroom again. Matthew collapsed on the couch and wiped his damp palms. He was rock hard. Rock hard. He had to get his sweet alien friend back into the friendly skies soon. Otherwise, he might lose control and show him firsthand all kinds of things about sex. Hard, wild, wet, raw man sex.

29

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Five M ATTHEW had a cigarette on his lip as he went into Willy’s to get the paper and a beer. He had to look for work since his second job was currently only two nights a week, not enough to pay the rent. Willy, a former boxer with a scarred white eyebrow and battered cheekbones, waved at him and gave Dove an appreciative look over. Dove smiled in response, looking around the dark bar and listening to the country music with interest. “Beer for me, coffee for my friend, and maybe a cheese sandwich? That’s sort of breakfast, right?” Instinctively, Matthew moved in front of Dove, not liking another man’s eyes on what was his. Shit! He wasn’t thinking that way, was he? That was so fucked. “Whatever,” Willy said, his green eyes indifferent. He went to start up some coffee before passing a beer for Matthew, who took it and guided Dove with a hand on the small of his back to a table where they could sit down and eat. As they walked, he tried not to stare at Dove’s ass, very tightly cupped in jeans too small for him. “I’m sorry I fired you,” Dove said, spotting the want ads in the newspaper. “Maybe I can help you find work before I go back to where I belong.” “Don’t think so, but thanks for the thought.” Matthew took a drag and then frowned when Dove reached out and took his cigarette away. “That might kill you,” Dove said with genuine sadness. “Please 30

The Star Man * Jan Irving don’t smoke, Matthew-friend.” “Not like that would be a big loss, now would it?” Matthew retorted, taking back the cigarette. “It would be a loss for me.” “Yeah? Well, as soon as we figure out how to get you back where you belong again, it’s not likely you’ll even remember me.” Matthew carefully avoided looking in those dark eyes. His angel saw too much. “I will watch over you once I’m back, as I did before I came here. You’ll never be alone.” Matthew felt his eyes actually sting a little. Fuck! “Yeah? Whatever,” he said, deliberately sounding bored. “Not like I believe in guardian angels.” Dove looked hurt at Matthew’s stony indifference.“Why did you go to prison, Matthew? When you were a child you were so gentle. Did you do something bad?” He never talked about it. “Didn’t check in to see that part, huh? My half-sister was married to someone who hurt her. One night I… stopped him,” Matthew found himself sharing. “Oh, Matthew. You hurt someone.” “Yeah, I hurt him; that’s who your friend is!” Matthew stabbed out the cigarette and went to get the coffee and sandwich for Dove. He came back and shoved the food in front of the beautiful being. “You still want to eat food you get from me? Since I’m so—” Dove ignored his meal, standing up, reaching out, and hugging Matthew. “Get off me, you crazy fuck!” He was suddenly fighting tears. Shit! 31

The Star Man * Jan Irving Dove whispered, “I’m sorry, Matthew. I know I should feel bad for the other man you hurt, but I mainly feel bad for you.” “Don’t!” Matthew’s head was down, his cheeks flushed, embarrassed, trembling. “Are you okay, Earth friend?” “Fine. I just. Don’t fucking look at me like that, like you feel sorry for me!” Dove kissed Matthew’s cheek. And Matthew backed away, freaked out now, his hands up. “Stay here! I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere. Don’t, um, fly. All right?” “Matthew, your aura is bleeding!” “Shut the fuck up and stay here!” * * *

O UTSIDE, Matthew knocked over some trash cans. He was shaking, so he sort of collapsed against the brick wall for a moment. What the fuck had happened in there? All Dove had actually done was hug him. Not like it meant fucking anything. The angel was a big spaz. Matthew covered his face, trying to get himself under control. It was those eyes. Dark, penetrating. They went inside Matthew and touched him where he was all blasted walls and shrapnel. More, they touched him, changed him in a way he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to forget.

32

The Star Man * Jan Irving * * *

THE angel knew he was supposed to stay here and eat the cheese sandwich, but he could see spilled aura in orange and yellow and bright red in a trail leading to the back door. Matthew’s aura was bleeding! Most angels couldn’t bear to be among humans long. It hurt them very badly to see all this pain and rage and be unable to heal it. All angels wanted to help, but for all their power, they were delicate creatures. If Dove didn’t get back to his ship soon, he knew he’d risk going insane like other angels who had gotten trapped down here on Earth. It was why he was so afraid. But his only friend here was so full of pain. The shameful truth was Dove really wanted to turn away from Matthew’s wounds, but this human had always called to him, always touched him. Why didn’t Matthew see how special he was? * * *

M ATTHEW rubbed his eyes, getting a grip. When he looked up, it was to see Dove had followed him. The angel should have looked ordinary wearing a T-shirt that said “No one knows I’m gay” that Matthew had been given as a gift; it was the only thing large enough for the bigger man, but Matthew had carefully covered it with a jean jacket so his angel wouldn’t get into trouble. “What fucking happened when you touched me in there? Something happened.” He’d felt something shift between them, felt himself opening up and Dove going inside him somehow.

33

The Star Man * Jan Irving “I’m an empath. I can touch your pain, take it away, if you only let me,” Dove explained, but Matthew noticed how his eyes darkened as if in fear. Matthew frowned. “Sounds nice and freaky, but what happens to it? I mean, if I remember my basic science nothing can truly be destroyed, right?” “You are very smart, Matthew,” Dove said. “No, if I take your pain, you don’t feel it anymore, but it goes inside me, and I bleed.” “You’d feel what I feel. Would you see things that happened to me?” Matthew swallowed, flashing through certain chapters of his life. “Not see them, relive them,” Dove outlined simply. “They’d be mine and not yours. You’d be free.” “So when you hugged me, you were trying to take some of my pain?” Matthew straightened, getting a handle on things. “It’s what an angel does.” Dove nodded. “It’s why we mostly float around and watch. If we do it too often then we can’t stop bleeding and—” Matthew’s gut tightened. “I don’t want you to hug me again, ever!” “But, Matthew, your aura—” “I don’t fucking care about my fucking aura, all right? Let’s just get you fixed and back to floating on clouds. I’m doing just fine minding my own pain!” Matthew shoved away from the wall and gestured for Dove to follow him. The angel did as Matthew directed, but he could also see the black patches around his aura. Matthew was dying. 34

The Star Man * Jan Irving His heart was bleeding from the bad things in his life, and if he didn’t get help soon, he’d find a way to die.

35

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Six “S O

MY friend needs help, see.” Matthew had yet another cigarette

resting on the corner of his mouth, despite Dove’s anxious disapproval. He was talking to Leo, someone who had a way of helping all kinds of people. In the joint he’d been the go-to guy, the fixer. “Yeah, does he need a job? He has a look of innocence that would probably mean he’d turn a good buck working at Ricardo’s.” Leo licked his lips, gaze on the angel. “Looks like no one has ever touched him before, you know? Men will pay a lot for that kind of fantasy.” Matthew flushed, understanding that fantasy all too well. He also looked toward Dove, who was sitting on the park bench, blinking up at the sunshine, watching the pigeons being fed by an old lady and a kid. His angel was smiling... Matthew wanted to be embarrassed by him, how open and goofy he was, but it just made his heart ache to see him like that, tangled black hair, a little sexy stubble—which he was keeping for the moment since Matthew’s razor terrified him—and those tight jeans that gloved his sex like a loving hand. Fuck. E.T. had to call home soon so Matthew could get back to his regular life. He couldn’t touch someone like him, a fucking angel? Matthew was so far below his touch, it wasn’t funny. He got by now. He didn’t long for things anymore that he knew he’d never possess, didn’t want to travel like he used to. Wanting an angel in his life, just 36

The Star Man * Jan Irving for him? That wasn’t a path that led anywhere happy. Matthew had already paid the ultimate price for loving someone, trying to take care of someone. He wasn’t looking to get any more wounds. “He’s not gay. Uh. I don’t think.” Did angels have a sexual orientation? Did they even think about sex? Didn’t sound like it, from what Dove had said about sex being awkward. On the other hand, he had seemed very happy to have a penis, and he’d gotten hard from hugging Matthew last night. Don’t go there, he warned himself. But Matthew smiled reluctantly, remembering Dove playing with himself. “Come on, easy money. He could flash himself, dance a little. He’s hot material!” Matthew ground out, “He doesn’t need money. What he needs is a little help, which is where you come in.” “He looks a little slow.” Leo cocked his head. “Maybe you could just work him and manage his take.” Matthew hefted Leo up on his toes, shoving his face close. “This isn’t the joint. He’s not mine to sell. We clear?” “Well, fuck it, sorry, okay! Jesus, someone’s gotten really touchy since he left prison. Time was, you took a throw yourself–” “I did what I had to, but not him,” Matthew growled. “Not him, all right?” Dove was suddenly beside Matthew. He put his arm around him, brow crinkling with concern. “Matthew-friend, are you okay?” Matthew swallowed. Fuck! His heart sped up whenever Dove touched him. “Told you not to fucking touch me!” He shoved Dove’s hand off him. 37

The Star Man * Jan Irving “S-sorry! I forgot. You were hurting and I forgot.” Dove’s head fell. He looked like he was fighting tears. “Shit!” Matthew reached out and tugged a long silky lock of Dove’s dark hair, trying not to stare at his full bottom lip and want to bite it. Be nice, he told himself. Right, he had to focus on comforting the angel and not thinking bad thoughts about him, like what he’d love to do with him. “I’m sorry; I’m an asshole.” “Yes, you are, Matthew. And you say a lot of bad words.” But Dove was smiling again. “Yeah, I’m a very bad boy. Now go sit down, gorgeous, and I’ll see if I can find a way to help you out.” Leo had been watching with obvious fascination. Matthew supposed part of it was the fixer was seeing a more nurturing side to Matthew than he’d shown anyone in the joint. “Sorry, you didn’t tell me he was your boyfriend! You were never, you know, exclusive with anyone before; not that there weren’t a few guys who wanted you that way.” Matthew decided not to try to explain. If Leo thought Dove was his, he’d back off about suggesting jobs Dove could get shaking his ass or sucking off other men, which would be good since it made Matthew very, very pissed off to think of his gorgeous innocent doing any of those things. For anyone but Matthew, that is. Shit! “He is mine,” Matthew said, glaring into Leo’s eyes, all alpha male in a wiry package. Leo dropped his gaze first. He obviously remembered how insanely Matthew could fight, and he didn’t want to get on his bad side. Sometimes having a rep was useful, even if it was earned in 38

The Star Man * Jan Irving blood and broken ribs and other things Matthew didn’t let himself think about. “Too bad. He’s yours, but I would have loved to hire him for a night. That untouched look; it’s a kink.” Leo raised his hands at Matthew’s killer glare. “So what you need? Work for yourself? You know I could help you make some high-class connections. Hollywood producers, that kind of shit.” “I don’t sell myself. What I need,” Matthew’s voice softened to a whisper, and he glanced around to make sure no one else was within hearing range, “is to figure out how to send a signal into outer space.” Leo laughed. Matthew sighed. * * *

“I

WAS thinking maybe the planetarium? Or an observatory, a place

that already sends signals into space, that might work,” Matthew said. Dove shrugged off his denim jacket and his T-shirt with the enticing slogan. It rode up his olive, smooth skin as he also flashed that little line of black hair revealed by his low-riding jeans as he peeled them off. Matthew wanted to lick that treasure trail right down to his thick cock and then take it in his mouth and— “I think I’m hungry,” Dove complained. Matthew took a deep breath. He wanted to eat something too. “Okay, I can make some mac and cheese. I think you’d like that.” “Matthew, your half-sister?”

39

The Star Man * Jan Irving “What about her?” Well, that killed his drive. Matthew banged the pan on the burner, trying not to stiffen up. What was it with angels that they apparently knew just where to poke, never giving a man any peace? “Did she forgive you for saving her from the man who hurt her?” Matthew swallowed as he used the burner to light a cigarette. He took a drag and looked over at Dove, who was lying on Matthew’s bed, splayed out like a beautiful pet. “She told me she hoped I’d want to die in the joint,” Matthew said. “Guess her wish came true.” * * *

“T HIS is good!” “I’m glad you like it, gorgeous.” Matthew experienced a silly kind of pride that Dove was so enthusiastic about his simple meal. He liked providing for someone. It wasn’t something he’d done for a long time, except for the odd little boy he’d taken under his wing in prison to protect him from the predators who liked innocents. “What’s it like, being an angel?” “Angel is a human name for us. We are more like what you call little green men, only I’m not green and I don’t come from Mars,” Dove stated firmly. “I have never been to Mars. Oh, and I’m not so little either.” Matthew rolled his eyes. “Thanks for clearing that up! What do you look like?” “My ship is a container for my essence. Unlike you, I don’t have a body. I can create one though. I like doing that.” Dove looked wistful. “I 40

The Star Man * Jan Irving was sure you’d enjoy this body; you thought about it often. Even though it is an accident that I am here, I wanted… to get closer to you, Matthew.” Matthew cleared his throat. “So you’re sort of a shape-shifter?” “I guess, just not like something from that movie Aliens. I’m not a scary alien; I’m a friendly one.” “Do you have wings?” Dove looked abashed. “I have very young wings. If I want to go flying, I can use them. Not like when we left the hospital, since that was just a hop.” Matthew blinked, remembering his terror as they’d floated out the window. “Uh, right, just a hop.” He put aside his portion of their meal and then smiled slightly when Dove took it from him to finish. He liked sharing food with him; it was almost like having a real boyfriend. “I’d like to see your wings sometime.” Matthew made to light another cigarette. “Okay.” Suddenly Dove was floating over the bed. On either side of his big, bare shoulders were enormous wings of white feathers and silver gilt, as fluffy as a big fucking Christmas ornament—only as Matthew watched, mouth agape—the wings shivered with a hundred colors, iridescent as a soap bubble, reflecting every color. One of the angel’s wings knocked over Matthew’s kitchen table. “Kinda clumsy,” Matthew rasped, at a loss. What the fuck do you say to a real angel? Holy fuck! “Sorry!” Dove flushed. “I told you I’m young.”

41

The Star Man * Jan Irving Matthew crushed out his unlit cigarette. He sat back on his Salvation Army couch and simply looked at Dove, glowing silver, his beautiful naked body radiant, his face illuminated like it was fucking backlit… “It’s okay; it’s just a crappy table. And,” he swallowed thickly before saying honestly, “You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

42

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Seven “ARE you going to go to bed now?” “Yeah, I’m… tired.” What Matthew didn’t say was he was actually depressed and horny. He was holding one white iridescent feather from his angel he’d found on his dusty hardwood floor after Dove’s wings disappeared, holding onto the wonder of that moment. Matthew couldn’t forget the glorious vision lighting his crappy apartment. It had marked him. He knew he should feel even worse for wanting to put his hands on such an innocent. He’d tried to be good, ordering Dove to put his clothes back on while they ate canned peaches for dessert. Otherwise… he was only human; he wanted to touch and kiss and possess. “Will you sleep with me?” Matthew gaped. “No!” “Because you don’t want me touching you,” Dove said, sounding as depressed as Matthew felt. Oh, gorgeous, you have no idea how much I want that. “Because I don’t sleep with anyone,” Matthew chose to admit, very simply. “I don’t know how, all right?” “Oh. Aren’t you lonely?” Dove pulled off his T-shirt, and Matthew swallowed at seeing that brown, smooth, forbidden flash of skin. He 43

The Star Man * Jan Irving wanted to lick Dove’s nipples, suck them hard, give him a lazy palm job while watching the expressions change on his face, watch him come for the first time. “Sometimes.” “But you are attractive. Your friend Leo thought you could sleep with a lot of people.” Dove cocked his head, obviously trying to understand Matthew. Matthew flushed. “Leo wanted me to rent myself out; that’s a whole different thing from really sleeping with someone, having a boyfriend.” Dove stood up and dropped his pants. He ran a fond hand over his sex, still obviously liking his new equipment. “Am I attractive to you?” Matthew cleared his throat. “Very! God.” He had to drop his gaze from his angel’s sex, which was responding like a big, friendly golden retriever to Dove’s affectionate handling. “If we are both attractive, we should sleep together, isn’t that right?” Dove blinked demurely at Matthew. “Then you’ll know what it’s like to sleep with a real boyfriend.” “Uh, it’s not that simple! First, not everyone finds everyone else attractive. That’s sort of mushy ground, gorgeous.” Dove put his hands on his slender hips, frowning, and Matthew couldn’t help but notice that his parts weren’t exactly one size fits all proportions. Definitely would be a very tight fit, if Matthew ever let him— What the fuck was he thinking? He never bottomed! “But you think I’m attractive, yes?” Dove pressed again, looking 44

The Star Man * Jan Irving hopeful. “Yeah.” Matthew reached for another cigarette to light up. His hands were shaky so it took him a few extra seconds, but he wanted Dove to take him for indifferent. Better for both of them if he did. Dove pouted. “Attractive to sleep with or attractive to look at?” “Both, but then I like men, right? You may prefer women.” “I have to like one or the other?” Dove sounded plaintive. “Can’t I like both?” Matthew shook his head ruefully at Dove’s persistence. “I don’t think it matters if you really like someone, but that’s just me,” he admitted. “That’s what I think!” The angel sat down on the couch and took Matthew’s cigarette away. “I like you a lot, Matthew-friend, and I want to know what it is to have sex.” “Shit!” Matthew got up and moved away from sweet temptation. “You can’t!” “Why not?” His angel looked cranky now. His erection was also still interested, pointing straight out as if to say: blow me, Matthew, you know you want to! “Because you don’t know what you want, not really. Or…” Matthew swallowed, “you’d know it wouldn’t be me.” “Matthew, what aren’t you saying?” Dove stood up, and Matthew just knew there was a hug in his future. He couldn’t bear it. “Go to bed!” he barked. He snagged the jean jacket he’d loaned his angel earlier. “Where are you going?” Doe eyes followed him. 45

The Star Man * Jan Irving “Out!” Matthew hesitated, looking back at a panicked-looking angel. “I’ll be back, don’t worry, but you don’t want me, all right? You could do better.” He slammed the door behind him, before he did something he knew he had no right to. * * *

M ATTHEW stayed out very, very late. He drank a little. Watched strippers, male and female. Wiping his gritty eyes, trying to forget the beautiful angel in his bed waiting for him at home. Who wanted to sleep with him. Who wanted Matthew to show him how to have sex. And Matthew knew he could make it good, oh, so good for his angel. Touch him, taste him, fucking worship him, thoroughly. But what had his gut twisted was that he knew he’d only kill something in Dove if he gave in. Soil him. He toyed with his glass, the last person who should be the guardian to an angel. * * *

M ATTHEW stumbled into his apartment, unshaven, groggy, just before dawn. Dove sat up in bed, blinking at him, demanding, “Did you find someone else attractive?” “Yeah,” Matthew lied, hating himself for hurting Dove’s budding 46

The Star Man * Jan Irving feelings, but he couldn’t take advantage of his innocence. “Yeah, I did.” He couldn’t look into Dove’s wide dark eyes. He turned away. “Oh. You wanted someone, but not me.” Dove sounded very depressed. “Yeah. Had a good fuck, and now I’m tired, so go to sleep, Dove.” “But you didn’t sleep with him like a boyfriend?” “I told you. I don’t sleep with anyone.” Matthew took off his clothes, feeling really shitty. Being good was crappy! He was much happier when he did shit to suit himself, but how could he look in those untarnished eyes and use his angel like all the rest? He was reaching for the blanket he’d used on the couch when he caught the sound of a suppressed sob. Oh, fuck. “Dove?” He turned on the light and saw his angel had tears in his eyes. “I hurt, Matthew,” Dove said simply. “You don’t want me and I hurt.” Matthew pulled his jeans back on and went to Dove. He sat on the corner of the bed and patted his angel’s knee awkwardly. “You don’t want to be with me and it hurts!” Matthew shifted closer and brushed Dove’s muscled shoulders with his fingertips while he rested his forehead against his angel’s. “I want to be with you very badly,” he confessed. “I hurt too.” “I don’t understand you, Matthew.” Dove’s great dark eyes were fixed on him, waiting on his word, and he was aware that to his angel, Matthew was his whole world. It humbled him and made him feel like 47

The Star Man * Jan Irving a shit, because he wasn’t up to being anyone’s hero. Look how he’d fucked up tonight by trying to do the right thing? Matthew stroked Dove’s hair away from his flushed, damp cheeks. “I like your smile. I don’t want to see it go away. You get that?” Dove grazed Matthew’s lips with his own. “But touching you makes me smile, Matthew. Is that so wrong?” A wave primitive heat surged through Matthew’s sensitized skin. He groaned as his control broke. Suddenly he was kissing the fuck out of his angel, stroking his lips with his tongue, asking to be let inside... Dove’s hands gripped Matthew’s bare back, almost bruising, making crazy skittered paths all over as if he couldn’t get enough of touching him. When Matthew put his tongue in Dove’s mouth, penetrating his angel for the first time, they both groaned at the sensation. So right…. And then Matthew felt something soft brush his shoulder. He opened his eyes to see his very young angel had his wings back, and they were hovering about eight inches above the bed, Dove with his legs wrapped firmly around Matthew’s slim waist. “Holy fuck!” Matthew cursed. “I’m sorry. I can’t control them when I get excited,” his angel confessed, blushing.

48

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Eight M ATTHEW couldn’t stop kissing Dove’s lips, his chin, his neck while his fingers were buried in soft, warm feathers. “Shit, I think I’m getting a new kink, wing kink!” They were floating a few inches above the bed, the soft fluttering of his angel’s feathers keeping both men lazily aloft, but when Matthew gently bit down on Dove’s neck, the fluttering became a little more frantic, and they jolted abruptly against the ceiling. “Ouch! Gorgeous!” “S-sorry, I never felt such things, Matthew!” Dove kissed him back, eager, clumsy, but Matthew didn’t care. It was hot to be the first, the only. “I know,” Matthew sighed. “But I think we better stop and head back down to Earth. I’m a bit scared of heights, so this is distracting. And you really don’t seem too good with those wings, pet.” Dove looked disappointed. “But I wanted you to touch my penis, Matthew!” Dove blinked sleepy dark eyes, which Matthew found adorable, though he’d eat nails before he’d actually put that into words. “I burn.” Matthew bit down on Dove’s earlobe, and the miracle in his arms cried out, his erection inscribing a wet circle against Matthew’s lower body, so needy, so fucking hot, wrapped around Matthew like a gift bow. 49

The Star Man * Jan Irving This time they smashed their heads against the ceiling before dropping like a plane hitting turbulence. Only a frantic sweep of wings cut their dive at the last possible second— “Fuck!” Matthew closed his eyes tightly, huffing. “I’m sorry.” His angel was rubbing his head, looking mussed and rueful and incredibly aroused. His wings were still seething excitement, reflecting Dove’s mood. “I think kissing is off the menu for the night, gorgeous. At least until I buy a helmet and pads or something,” Matthew said ruefully. Shit, he wanted to get it on so much, but it turned out it wasn’t easy to do that with an angel. Dove’s grip tightened on Matthew’s shoulders. “But we’ll do it again? You won’t go out and be with someone else instead? It hurts for me to think about you touching someone else and wanting to be with them. More than me, I mean. Is that jealousy?” Matthew sat back, taking Dove’s hand and running gentle fingertips over it. He couldn’t seem to stop himself from touching him! His sweetness, his body combined to become Matthew’s most alluring dream man. He tried not to look at Dove’s hard cock in the center of his luscious, glowing body. It was slightly disconcerting to see a big boner on an angel, but that definitely signaled the kind of heaven Matthew hoped to experience. “Jealousy, yeah, I guess. Dove, I lied to you,” Matthew confessed, avoiding Dove’s frank gaze. He was so open, so heedless of the pain of sharing himself. Matthew hated to disillusion him. “Lied? You wouldn’t lie to me, Matthew, you are my friend.” Dove’s brow wrinkled as he tried to work this out. “Friends don’t lie to friends, do they?” 50

The Star Man * Jan Irving “I did.” Matthew swallowed. “I wanted to shove you away from me because when you get too close, I almost can’t take it. So I lied about doin’ someone else. Went somewhere and thought about you and drank some beer, but I didn’t touch anyone.” Dove seemed to consider Matthew’s revelation. “I don’t understand, Matthew, but I don’t hurt as much as I did before.” Matthew smiled, feeling his heart sliding on suddenly slippery footing. Oh, Christ! He couldn’t fall for an angel, because he’d fall hard, and then Dove had to leave. Still, Matthew couldn’t fight the impulse to know more about Dove. “Are you… connected to God and all that?” Dove shook his head, smiling. “No, we are just a higher intelligence who visit your world. Caretakers for some of the younger races, but we try not to interfere.” “So you’re smarter than we are?” Matthew asked. Was he even more inferior than he thought to this dazzling being? “No, just different. We don’t have your passion, and we are formed differently, made of light and energy and not flesh.” “Passion.” Matthew flushed, playing with the bed spread. “Yeah, guess I’ve got plenty of that.” “I like it! It’s what drew me to you, Matthew.” But Matthew shook his head, still wary. “You’re young and innocent, but physical passion between humans has consequences. It can hurt. You can lie awake after and know you didn’t find what you wanted.” “Your aura doesn’t say it wants to hurt me, Matthew; it’s full of care for me. That’s why I trusted you from the beginning. I could see 51

The Star Man * Jan Irving you would always be gentle with me.” Matthew’s eyes widened, but then he scoffed, “My aura? I’m not sure I really believe I have one and anyway, I thought you said it was bleeding and I would die!” Dove nodded. “Your aura is bleeding, but when we touched, it seems to have helped you.” “I don’t want you taking my memories from me, Angel,” Matthew rasped. “I don’t want them inside you, cutting you.” Dove sighed, looking frustrated with Matthew. “I would take them from you, but I can’t without your consent. I wish you’d let me. I don’t understand what happened to you and I want to. You aren’t alone in the dark. I am with you.” Matthew stroked hair away from Dove’s forehead. “Very poetic, Dove, but people talk about things, share them that way. That’s how we deal with our pain.” “Will you tell me about yours?” “No!” “But, Matthew—” “It’s more intimate than fucking, okay? And as much as I’d love to spread you out and do you, it’s maybe better for both of us not to get too close. You’re going to leave me, remember? Uh, I mean, leave here.” “Can’t we touch while I’m here?” Dove asked wistfully, reaching out and cupping Matthew’s cheek. “I’ll never have another chance to be human and to touch you and never in the ages of this world have I ever wanted to touch another human. Only you, Matthew.” Matthew took a deep breath, that sliding feeling in his gut getting 52

The Star Man * Jan Irving even more scary. His angel was going to go back to the friendly skies and take Matthew’s battered old suitcase of a heart with him if he wasn’t careful. “No, we can’t. And anyway, I’d have to use some kind of ‘angel bondage’ to keep you from whacking your head on the ceiling if we did more.” Matthew quirked an eyebrow, thinking that would make first sex potentially painful. Dove’s eyes glistened. “Bondage? I want to try that! I want you to tie me up, Matthew!” Matthew threw himself on the bed, groaning at the image that came to mind, closing his eyes. “Angel, you’re a slut.”

53

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Nine FOLLOWING a lead given to them by Leo, Matthew leaned now against the office door at the local university belonging to Nathan Albertson, professor of astronomy. He’d attended a couple of the professor’s free public lectures in the past, fascinated by new discoveries of galaxies beyond their own. And, honestly, he was also grateful for an unexpected reprieve. Any more time alone with Dove in his tiny apartment, and he wasn’t sure what would happen. The angel was irresistible. The professor stepped outside his office, shaking out the keys to lock his door, which was dressed with a holly wreath and gold stars and planets for the holidays. “So, we want to know about the stars and stuff,” Matthew began, flushing. With a little research he’d discovered the professor was also the head of a team that worked at an observatory outside of the city; it might be just what they was looking for. “Really? Well, most people enroll and take classes.” Professor Albertson blinked impassive gray eyes, gathering his wrinkled leather briefcase, obviously not impressed by his two odd, would-be students: Dove beaming at him, while Matthew frowned. “I, uh, just need to know how to send a message into outer space,” Matthew confessed sheepishly. “I got your name from The Fixer.” Apparently Albertson was also a gambler and owed Matthew’s connection some money. Talking to him was worth a try, anyway. 54

The Star Man * Jan Irving “I’ll have you both escorted from the building if you harass me further, young man!” Professor Albertson said frostily before leaving without looking back. “That didn’t go well, Matthew,” Dove noted. “I thought you said he could help us?” “He can, but we might have to show him your embarrassing secret. Or I’ll think of something.” “Show him my penis?” Dove smiled. “But I’m not embarrassed about it. In fact, from looking at your magazines, I don’t think I have anything to be embarrassed about.” Matthew groaned, trying not to think of Dove’s beautiful cock. No, he had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! “No, I mean your wings. Can you try not to talk about sex so much?” He cleared his throat. “I get to show off my wings?” Dove brightened; he had told Matthew he felt more like himself when they appeared. “Don’t flash them now,” Matthew growled. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea to show them to him; I’m not sure we can trust him, so we might have to go with my Plan B, but I need to think about that, so let’s get something to eat. Too bad we missed the last bus to get back to the apartment, but I wanted to jump on this lead.” They walked out onto the campus grounds, deserted for the holidays. There was a little shattered ornament of an angel that had fallen from the holiday tree in the center of the green park. Dove picked it up. “Broken,” he said. “Yeah, things break.” The angel closed his eyes, still holding the ornament, and then blew over it. When he opened his palm again, it was whole, little wings 55

The Star Man * Jan Irving no longer bent and the crack through the breast of the tiny figure whole again. “Fixed now.” Dove smiled at Matthew and put it on the tree. “I wish you hadn’t done that,” Matthew said. Dove gave him a confused look. “Did I do something bad?” Matthew dug his hands in his pockets, feeling the cold wind in his hair and knowing that soon he’d feel so much more alone. “What’s wrong, Matthew-friend?” Dove’s voice was gentle. “Nothing’s wrong!” Matthew snarled. I’m afraid I’ll fall in love with you. I’m not meant to be with an angel, I’m just a guy, and a very fucked-up one. “And don’t call me ‘Matthew-friend’! I told you that you sound like a fuckin’ moron!” “I’m sorry.” Dove bent his head, and Matthew saw the sparkle of suppressed tears. “I don’t fit in and I embarrass you.” “Yeah.” Matthew swallowed. “It will be better when you go home, for both of us.” The angel nodded, looking sad. Matthew felt crappy about his nasty turn of temper, but how could he explain he had to crush this tender vine before it covered him? He already was on fire to touch his glorious angel, but he liked him too, so what did that mean? He’d never liked anyone he’d slept with, not as a friend. “Tell you what. Let’s do something fun.” “Bondage?” Dove looked hopeful. “Uh, no. I was thinking ice skating or—” Suddenly there was the beating of wings, surrounding Matthew 56

The Star Man * Jan Irving in a dazzling moment of silver and white feathers. His angel’s beautiful body glowing as if lit by a Vegas spotlight. “Wha—?” Matthew gasped as Dove lifted him without warning, his naked, radiant body, gilded like the moonlight, pressing against Matthew’s ordinary one. They rose above the decorated tree so it was soon very small below them. Shaking, Matthew buried his face against the bare, silken skin of Dove’s throat. “What the fuck are you doing?” Matthew rasped, his eyes tightly shut. “You said you wanted to do something fun, so I’m taking you flying!”

57

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Ten THE wind pushed them over the city and off to the ocean, where Dove flew so close to the white caps, the salty sea spray struck Matthew’s face. Clutching his angel, he finally opened his eyes, his chest hurting. This… this wasn’t meant to happen to someone like him. He was living a dream, flying free in the arms of a magical being. Dove returned them to the beach and then rose higher, so they drifted between sky scrapers, windows lit, office holiday decorations glowing while ordinary janitors just like Matthew had been cleaned the rooms. Matthew clutched Dove harder. “Fuck! Can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m afraid of heights, you know.” “You’re afraid of trusting someone, Matthew; it’s why you’re bleeding,” Dove noted wistfully. Then his face glowed. “I love flying!” His wings were stretched out on either side of his shoulders, and he was soaring, tugged by drafts of wind. He wasn’t clumsy now. Matthew looked at Dove’s face in the reflected light of the moon and stars. He was glorious, pure. It made Matthew feel weird, because at the same time Dove was so innocent, all Matthew wanted to do was be with him, have him. Finally Dove swooped down and dropped them lightly on the smooth sand of the freezing beach. Matthew sagged to his knees. “Next time it’s ice skating!” he gasped. “That’s a real treat for California, you 58

The Star Man * Jan Irving know.” “I don’t want to go skating; I’d rather have sex with you. Aren’t you ever going to tie me up, Matthew?” Dove sounded disappointed by Matthew’s lack of cooperation. “Do you think it’s a good idea to ask the first guy you meet to tie you up? What if I scare you?” Matthew told himself he wasn’t nervous. He was just trying to do the right thing, even if it killed him. Why did Dove have to be so unfettered, so unafraid of being hurt? He reminded Matthew of how he’d felt as a boy, before his dreams had been smashed like a holiday ornament; only in Matthew’s case, he wasn’t sure he could be repaired, even by an angel’s touch. “You wouldn’t do that.” “You don’t know that!” “Yes, I do. I think you need to trust yourself, most of all. See yourself the way I do.” “You make me crazy!” Dove smiled and Matthew felt his stomach twist because it was a sexy smile. His alien looked sultry. Fuck, he was a goner. “I want to have sex with you,” Dove repeated, very firmly. Matthew sagged, wrapping his arms around his knees. He shivered a little since it was fucking freezing here on the deserted beach. His angel was nude, but it didn’t seem to be affecting him, and he also had a big woody the size of a redwood, so that might be keeping him warm. Matthew forced himself not to stare. Dove was studying Matthew. “Your aura says you want to be held.” 59

The Star Man * Jan Irving “Yeah, right!” Matthew scoffed, heat filling his cheeks. Dove ignored Matthew’s prickly attitude and sat down behind him. He lifted the slighter man easily into his lap, his wings wrapping around Matthew like a down blanket. Matthew felt surrounded by Dove’s care and tenderness. It was getting harder and harder to keep being the tough guy with him. The angel got under his skin, touching him, though that touch hurt as much as it felt good; Matthew had been isolated for too long for it to be otherwise, he guessed. “I love holding you and you want to be held. Is that wrong?” Dove asked calmly. “It’s okay.” He had to take deep breaths, a little shaky in Dove’s arms. “You won’t take my pain from me by doing this, will you?” “No, since you have refused to allow it, I must respect your wishes.” Dove shook his head. “Why are you so angry, Matthew?” Dove nuzzled the nape of Matthew’s neck and Matthew shivered. He was held safe in the arms of his angel, who had a big boner poking at his ass, but that just made him feel both wanted and horny. “I was raped once, when I was like you, an innocent,” Matthew admitted, closing his eyes. Then they flared open. “You can’t feel it; what I felt?” “No,” Dove reassured him softly, but his eyes were aching for Matthew. “I wish I could take it from you.” Matthew shook his head. “I don’t want that for you.” He looked away. “I’m not a good person. I know I acted like a jerk with the real Dove, my boss, so of course he fired me. And sometimes I even hired someone who looked like him to give me the works. I guess that disgusts you.” 60

The Star Man * Jan Irving “Matthew, Dove did that sometimes also. From having him inside me, I understand he felt safe hiring someone, in charge. Maybe you felt the same way; that your date could not hurt you if you paid him to be nice to you?” Dove pushed Matthew’s messy blond hair tenderly off his forehead. “How do you know so much when you’re an alien? You sound like a dork sometimes and then—” Matthew swallowed and leaned back and let his angel hold him. “The truth is, I’m afraid to let myself go with you. You’re leaving.” “I’ll never leave you, Matthew,” Dove said, frowning. “Not ever.” “Well, yeah, you will. Aren’t we going to get you back in your spaceship?” “A new spaceship, yes.” “I’m only human. I need…” Matthew stroked Dove’s silky arm, lean and muscled. “I need flesh.” Dove chewed on his lip. “I will think on this.” “You’re leaving, end of story.” Matthew turned around and faced the beach. He bit his lip, suppressing a stupid and embarrassing desire to cry. Shit! “All right, I’ll take the sex. Might as well get something out of having you around, but Dove, I have to be the one to do you. I can’t… I haven’t let anyone inside me since I was….” He tensed up, thinking about it. “Okay.” Dove nuzzled him. “Don’t worry. I just want to be with you.” “And I don’t want to hurt you like I was hurt,” Matthew whispered. “Make you feel bad or dirty. You have to promise, if I do anything to scare you, you’ll tell me.” 61

The Star Man * Jan Irving “You worry too much, Matthew-friend. Isn’t sex supposed to be fun, like flying?” “I’m not sure flying is fun; it scares me.” “I think making love scares you too.” “It’s not—” But Matthew cut himself off, unable to say it wasn’t making love. He wasn’t sure exactly what it was, but Dove was right, he was afraid. He cleared his throat. “The bondage is kind of necessary if we are gonna do anything since you get all floaty as soon as we touch.” Matthew cocked a gently amused brow since even now they were floating a few feet off the beach. * * *

BACK at his apartment, Matthew was so nervous. He offered his angel a beer, which Dove declined. He suggested they watch TV. He waved a half-done crossword puzzle, hoping to entice conversation. All this time, Dove sat on his shit-brown couch, looking at him with dark, smoky eyes, utterly serene about the rope that Matthew had bought from a supply store on the way home. It was Matthew who paced, avoiding looking at it. “Let’s watch the gay porn movie you talked about on the flight home, Matthew.” Dove patted the couch, trying to lure Matthew closer. “I have never seen porn, and this is my chance.” “Oh God. I can’t believe I let you talk me into showing you one! I’m totally corrupting an angel.” “I thought it might relax you.” Dove was smiling. “They don’t relax you, pet. You watch them and jerk off—usually 62

The Star Man * Jan Irving alone!” “Why can’t we watch it and jerk off together?” Matthew’s eyes widened. “How can an angel be so slutty?” “Sex can heal a broken aura if positive feeling is exchanged,” Dove observed. “It’s actually a very practical application of energies.” Matthew ran a hand through his hair, harassed. “I don’t do sex with emotion. Just don’t.” “I know. Your aura is in sad shape, Matthew.” Dove patted the seat next to him again. “Come sit.” Matthew hesitated. Dove laughed. “I’ll go easy on you.” “Okay.” Matthew sat at one end of the couch and Dove on the other, the angel still naked and hard. Matthew was hard too, but he wrapped his arms around himself and refused to acknowledge it. They watched something Dove had picked out, romantic for porn, longtime lovers, kinky but full of tenderness. Sometimes when he was feeling really shitty about himself, Matthew watched it, but now it struck him that it showcased something he’d never experienced himself: having a real boyfriend. As the couple French kissed on a beach, Dove was rapt, enjoying the porn with avid attention. “They are both very attractive,” Dove said. “And you can tell they like each other. I like porn!” “Yeah, you get prettier men with gay porn, generally, but it’s not always nice, Dove.” Matthew shrugged. Was Dove closer to him on the couch? Shit, he was sweating, aching for a touch but too chicken shit to 63

The Star Man * Jan Irving do anything. What a loser! “Will they have sex soon?” “Uh, yeah. There’s a bit more hand-holding first.” Matthew was embarrassed to admit that he’d always liked that part, the shared glances, the words exchanged. “Hand holding comes first?” Matthew cleared his throat. “When you have romantic feelings and it’s not just sex, yeah, I guess it does.” “Hold my hand, Matthew?” “All right,” Matthew sighed, trying to act put upon. He licked his dry lips, trying to ignore the screen and the more frantic kissing, but the sounds of pleasure were turning him on. He wanted to make those sounds himself and hear Dove make them. Making all those sex noises as they fucked each other. Dove’s fingers were caressing his palm, which was damp. His heart was beating so hard he could hear it thudding in his ears. “I’ll take care of you, Matthew. Don’t be afraid,” his angel promised.

64

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Eleven “W E COULD kiss,” Dove told Matthew hopefully. “We could start with a kiss, before we have sex.” “I don’t kiss very well,” Matthew admitted awkwardly. Wasn’t he supposed to be leading the way? He had all the experience, after all. Why was he so scared of his angel? He couldn’t figure it. It’s not like he didn’t want to do him. Right now, in fact. But it was just like flying with Dove, losing himself completely, giving himself completely. Trusting. “I want to kiss you, Matthew.” Dove caressed Matthew’s hair, leaning closer and nuzzling him. Matthew trembled, feeling like a volcano about to explode. All the need that he tamped down, somehow he sensed Dove had the key to releasing it inside him. Making him fly. “Maybe just one.” Dove put his lips against Matthew’s, and they rubbed together, silken, hot, a little clumsy. A getting-to-know-you kiss. Matthew gave a little moan, and Dove answered him by taking his mouth in a possessive kiss, enfolding Matthew as he had earlier with his wings. “What are you doing to me?” Matthew panted when they broke apart. “I want to make you truly mine. It was an accident that I came to 65

The Star Man * Jan Irving Earth, but I was… frustrated, Matthew. I couldn’t connect with you or touch you.” Dove folded soft wings around the smaller man and knelt on top of him. In response, Matthew cupped Dove’s round bare ass in his hands as he returned the passionate kisses. He could feel Dove prodding his stomach with his cock. “Shit, I see what you mean about wanting to connect with me.” “What?” Dove’s voice was drowsy, absorbed. “You’re not small.” “I won’t hurt you. You said you would put yourself inside me.” “In theory. But why does it feel that even if I top you, you’ll get inside me?” Matthew covered his eyes. “God, I’m not… I shouldn’t be with you.” Dove pulled his hand away. “Why?” “Because you’re too late; I can’t believe in you anymore.” Raw like acid, Matthew’s truth. Dove hugged him. “It’s all right, Matthew, you don’t need to believe in me; it’s enough I believe in you.” He gave Matthew a tender kiss on his bottom lip. Matthew’s eyes filled, wounds cracking open, spilling. “I loved someone and I tried, I just tried to help her.” “Of course you did; you’re a good person. Don’t you think I can see that?” Dove kissed Matthew’s neck and rubbed the top of his back soothingly. On the screen behind them came the sounds of sex, but Matthew relaxed as his angel made no move to push him. “What if I have feelings for you?” Matthew asked.

66

The Star Man * Jan Irving Dove cupped Matthew’s face and leaned down to kiss him again. He tasted the salt of Matthew’s wounds on his lips. “I’ll keep you safe.” “But you have to leave.” “I don’t want to leave you, but I can’t stay here in this place, Matthew. It will kill me.” “I know.” Matthew closed his eyes. “I know you can’t stay and I don’t want you to. I don’t want you hurting. I want you safe.” He pulled Dove down, and they shared a kiss, hurting, hungry to touch and burn. “I want to suck your cock, Dove. Will you let me give that to you?” “Yes, but it won’t make me a dominatrix, will it? I’ve been reading your magazines,” Dove panted, perspiration glazing his perfect golden skin, his muscled chest rising and falling. Then he frowned, startled when Matthew laughed. “What?” “Don’t think so, since you have a penis; though I agree you’re a natural dom, never mind the innocence and feathers. Who would guess?” Matthew swallowed, anticipating. “I’ll have to tie you up, or when you come in my mouth, you’ll probably go into orbit!” Dove’s eyes heated, molten chocolate. “I want to come. Can we do that now?” * * *

M ATTHEW finished putting the D rings into his wall. He glanced over at Dove, who was eating Jiffy popcorn and watching the porn they’d left running. There was a sound of pleasured pain. “I want you to do that to me!” “Spanking?” Matthew had to wrap his mind around it; his angel 67

The Star Man * Jan Irving was adventurous, kinky. Dove smiled, giving Matthew a coy look under his eyelashes that made Matthew break out in a sweat. “But you haven’t been bad,” he finished lamely. “You mean like they playacted in the porn movie? I can be a very bad angel, Matthew.” “Christ, I’m gonna come in my jeans if you keep looking at me like that.” They kissed, sharing tenderness and anticipation. Matthew put his hands in Dove’s silken hair, groaning at the taste of innocence and surrender. “My angel-slut,” Matthew said against his lips. Dove smiled wickedly. * * *

“I CAN’T do it. I feel too self-conscious.” Dove was spread like a big dark cat over Matthew’s smaller lap. He was caressing Dove’s bare ass, wishing he had the courage to put his fingers into the angel’s crack and finger him. Dove looked up at Matthew calmly. “I watched you for a long time before I ended up down on Earth.” Matthew shifted, still uncomfortable with that. “Yeah?” “You liked to watch a lot of gay porn and touch yourself. You also wanted the real Dove, even though he wasn’t very nice to you.” Matthew grimaced. “Yeah, he was a prick, but in my head… I used to daydream he was—” Sudden realization struck. “Shit, I used to 68

The Star Man * Jan Irving fantasize he was sweet, innocent. You, Dove.” Dove nodded, as if this was no surprise. “You also wanted him to bend you over his desk, didn’t you, Matthew? You wanted to provoke him until he bent you over and spanked you for being so mouthy.” “Fuck! How the hell did you know that?” Matthew flushed. Dove looked a little guilty. “I went inside you once, when you were sleeping.” “Oh Jesus. You really are a fucking voyeur, aren’t you?” “Yes, I’m a very bad angel; I shouldn’t think about such things. Human sex is supposed to be of no interest to my kind, too primitive and messy.” Matthew’s hand smacked one olive-skinned buttock, and Dove made a soft sound of pleasure. His cock ground against Matthew’s lap, wet tipped. “You really are a slut, aren’t you? Perfect for me.” “You wanted him to shove you over his desk, rip off your jeans and use his belt on your rear end. Afterwards, you wanted him to handcuff you and shove his penis inside you,” Dove recited, not at all embarrassed he had demanded Matthew spank him and now was enjoying it. “Fuck!” Matthew scrubbed his face. “Can a man have no secrets? Did it disgust you knowing what I wanted him to do to me? Did you even understand it?” “I wanted to be Dove so I could spank you like you wanted, Matthew.” Matthew’s hand came down again, and again and again while Dove squirmed happily, enjoying his spanking. Finally Dove sat up and pulled him into his arms, as if knowing it 69

The Star Man * Jan Irving was Matthew who now needed holding. “Okay, Matthew-friend?” Matthew took a deep breath and settled down, his face buried in Dove’s silky hair. “Okay.” “Thank you for giving me a pink ass,” Dove purred as Matthew explored the curve of his heated skin. “Maybe we can use your belt next time.” “Fuck!” Matthew swore, his cock pressing uncomfortably against his jeans. “Next time, angel.”

70

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Twelve M ATTHEW finished tying Dove’s wrist to the D ring and then it was the Big Moment, all alone with his angel in bondage, naked, beautiful… wings and all. And a big boner that Matthew planned to suck. “I want to make you feel good, but if any of this human sex stuff turns you off or something, just tell me and I swear I’ll stop!” “Matthew?” Dove purred, brow wrinkling. “Lick me? I am curious what it would be like to have a human taste me.” Matthew rubbed his moist palms against his jeans. “Right. Lick you. Suck you. I know how to do this.” “Don’t be shy.” Matthew rolled his eyes. “Trust me to get the Mata Hari of angels.” “You think I’m sexy, don’t you?” A little vulnerability now. “Yes,” Matthew breathed, relaxing at Dove’s childlike delight in their planned romp. He was so fearless and clean and good. Now that Matthew thought about it, he realized this was how sex with an angel would be, lacking all the agendas, egos, and need for self-protection that normal people hid behind. Dove just wanted to enjoy having a penis. Well, so did Matthew! He bent close and laved Dove’s cockhead, digging his tongue gently into the meaty slit. 71

The Star Man * Jan Irving “Ohhhhh! Matthew, do that again! Often! We can have sex all the time!” Dove’s body arched as his desire crested. Matthew laughed. “Relax, darling, I haven’t even started yet.” “Do more! Now!” The D ring strained, and Dove’s wings spread and flapped, agitated. “I’m the one in control, bossy one.” Matthew blew on the phallus. Dove was a big boy, no doubt about it. He had one long, rippled vein running down his penis, and Matthew found and suckled that line, adoring Dove with his mouth, tasting him deeply. Above him he felt the movement of air as Dove’s wings arched. He looked up saw the most beautiful sight; the angel was glowing as if a light had been turned on under his skin. His head was thrown back and his lips were parted. He had given himself to Matthew completely. “You might be a naughty, voyeuristic angel, gorgeous, but I can’t resist you.” “I love this, Matthew! I love the feel of you touching my penis. It makes me even happier to have one! But will it get better? I need more.” “It will get much better!” Matthew sank to his knees, bracing himself against Dove’s open thighs and swallowing the angel’s swollen cock, taking him deep, tasting, moaning, because he had wanted Dove inside his mouth when he’d just been Matthew’s boss, but this was even better, a lover trapped and at his mercy, needing Matthew for his release. Perfect. “You are a very good cocksucker, Matthew.” Dove’s hips were rigid, undulating as Matthew lit him up with every touch. His head moved back and forth, his legs spread wider, so that Matthew wet a finger and trailed it through the groove of his ass, nudging his dimple. 72

The Star Man * Jan Irving “Oh!” Dove gasped. “Like that?” He pushed the finger inside the angel, finger fucking him while he licked him. Dove demanded wistfully, “I really want to have an orgasm. I’ve never had one before, but it looks like fun!” “I want to watch you come,” Matthew fisted his angel’s cock up and down as the beautiful being shivered, helpless, his eyes open and vulnerable as he let Matthew see inside him as he took control, took his pleasure, mastered him. One wing raised and shattered the bedside lamp. Neither man paid any attention to it. “Oh! Matthew, something’s—!” “It’s okay,” Matthew gently rubbed the hard balls, feeling how tight they were and squeezing gently. “You are going to come soon, pet.” “I’m afraid….” Dove was twisting as Matthew toyed with him. “Come for me. I want to see it!” Dove cried out, and the wall cracked, the D rings giving as he spilled, splashing Matthew’s face and his own belly, huffing as Matthew bent close and tasted him, licking his first innocent offering. Dove collapsed to the floor with Matthew, his wings closing protectively around the smaller man to make it their own world of feathers and magic and the scent of musky sex. “Do you think an angel can fall in love?” Dove’s eyes were bright and sad as he caressed Matthew’s hair. Their hands embraced, and they leaned together, forehead to forehead. “You can take it back if you want,” Matthew whispered. “It’s 73

The Star Man * Jan Irving probably just the sex.” “No, I don’t think I can,” Dove told him gravely. “But I can’t stay here with you.” Matthew nodded, chest tight. “But you don’t have to love me either, Matthew; if it hurts you, you can take it back. I don’t mind.” “Let me guess, you can see something in my aura?” Matthew asked wryly, though his gaze fell as he buried himself safe against his angel. “Too late,” he whispered.

74

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Thirteen “I T’ S a bit tight across the shoulders, but it will have to do, pet,” Matthew noted as he ran a hand over Dove’s disguise. “Just don’t pop your wings out at the wrong time; we don’t want any broken lamps while we run through Plan B.” Dove flushed. “Usually I can control it, but you make me premature.” Matthew laughed. “Not really, gorgeous.” He kissed Dove, satisfied himself, remembering rubbing himself off against Dove’s silky skin as the angel lay dazed after his first climax. Dove wore a satisfied look on his face that make Matthew’s heart feel like a big fist was squeezing it. He’d obviously liked what they’d done, really liked it, and Matthew had been right to take it slow, not to push things between them, allowing Dove to savor his first experience. “Yeah, I remember. Can we do it again?” Matthew shook his head. “When we get back to my place maybe.” “I want to have sex with you every day for….” Dove’s brow wrinkled, and Matthew heard the words he didn’t say: for as long as he was here with Matthew. Matthew cleared his throat. “Yeah, we will, I promise, but now we have a bit of B and E to do, so let’s get on with it!” Dove tugged at his collar, obviously still uncomfortable in his 75

The Star Man * Jan Irving filched janitor uniform, and followed Matthew. Matthew looked back at him, raising one brow, aware that Dove was still debating the special circumstances that had led him to decide to break into Dr. Nathan Albertson’s office. The angel wasn’t sure that doing a wrong made a right. In Matthew’s case, there wasn’t any debate; he had to keep his promise and keep Dove safe, get him home, even if it meant never seeing him again. “Bus is leaving!” Matthew called softly. * * * “ WHAT are we looking for, Matthew?” Dove asked once they were inside Albertson’s office. The university had minimum security running over the holidays, which made this easier, as had Matthew’s intimate knowledge of where the janitorial staff probably stored their things. “He’s got keys somewhere to that observatory where he takes his students. Once there, we can follow through and try to contact your friends so they can come get you.” Dove began to search with Matthew, but he looked unhappy. “You have to go home, pet,” Matthew said, an edge in his voice that he knew cut them both. “No help for it.” “Your life, it’s a blink of time to me, Matthew. I don’t want to lose you.” Matthew swallowed. “Guess we’re not meant to be together, a human and an angel.” Dove pulled the smaller man into his arms, sighing as Matthew 76

The Star Man * Jan Irving allowed himself to be held. “Let me take away your hurt?” “Yeah, don’t leave.” Matthew rubbed his eyes, taking a breath. “Just don’t leave and I won’t hurt.” He pulled away, knowing they had to do this. There was no other choice. The angel would die if he stayed here. “Turn on the radio there, gorgeous; this may take a while to see if we can find those keys, and if anyone hears us searching, they’ll assume it’s just the professor with the music on.” Dove switched on the radio, and then they continued sifting through the astronomer’s office, looking for something to send Dove back where he belonged and away from Matthew forever. * * *

F INALLY, Matthew shoved an impatient hand through his hair. He had no idea where the professor stashed his extra keys; he’d used up everything he’d picked up from the B and E men he’d met in the joint. What now? Then his eye caught on a little hanging mobile of a Copernicus model of the solar system, much like the one he’d loved to stare at as a kid. Something glittered between Saturn’s rings and the blue mass of Jupiter— A key with a tag, Black Mountain Conservatory. “Got it!” he told Dove, triumphant, yanking it free of a hook on the model. * * *

AS

THEY locked the office door on the way out, Matthew caught the

sound of footsteps. Shit! Probably one of the campus cops doing his 77

The Star Man * Jan Irving rounds, and there was only one way in or out of this stretch of the building, so no way the guy wouldn’t see them. He felt sweat coat his back. If he was caught here, an ex-con on parole, they’d send him back to prison. He looked over at Dove. “You fly if I give the word, angel. Don’t stop for anything, and don’t worry about me.” He passed the key to Dove, who was staring wide-eyed at Matthew. “Just get home.” The outer door opened, the shadow of the guard fell… and simultaneously Dove tackled Matthew, sprouting wings and glowing with power. He lit the dark space, shielding him. “Hello?” The guard looked straight at Matthew in his angel’s arms and then shook his head, as if he couldn’t see either of them. As if they were invisible to his eyes. “Huh.” The man moved so close to Matthew that he could have touched him. Heart pounding, Matthew couldn’t believe it, surrounded by more white and silver feathers than a gay Vegas showboy, but the guard only gave another cursory glance before walking out, closing and locking the door behind him. Matthew’s head fell back in relief. “Oh shit.” Dove smiled down at him, dark eyes serene. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, Matthew-friend. I’ll always keep you safe.”

78

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Fourteen M ATTHEW yanked Dove into an alcove under the stairs on the way out of campus. “Not much ambience.” Pain gripped his chest, making it hard to breathe, to think. “I need a moment.” “Matthew?” Dove raised a hand and a white flame leaped from it, illuminating the space. Matthew swallowed thickly, looking away from concern, from the clear read Dove was taking. “Wow, you can make fire and everything.” Dove waited. Subdued, “This is it. You’re leaving.” “Yes, I’m sorry.” Matthew didn’t resist when Dove leaned his forehead against his. “Oh Matthew.” Matthew’s eyes were moist. He backhanded them, embarrassed. “This can’t last. I know it. Someone like you with a guy like me? It’s like one of those fantasies I had as a kid, wishing I lived in another time, traveling to the stars. Stupid shit like that. Come on, we need to get you home.” * * *

“I

DON’T want to fuck you, Matthew,” Dove told him as they walked

past the holiday tree on campus again, which looked a little sadder 79

The Star Man * Jan Irving today, much like Matthew felt. “Oh.” “No, I mean,” Dove moved closer to the motionless Matthew, “I want to share myself with you, help your aura heal before I go away, but I’d like… to make love with you, if you will allow it. Maybe if I do, you’ll be able to trust someone, not be so alone you are bleeding inside.” Matthew shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll ever feel this way again, angel. But I get what you’re saying. I don’t want your first time to be in my crappy apartment. I wish I could do something special.” “I have somewhere I’d like to take you. Will you trust me?” Matthew took the hand that Dove held out. “I used to like surprises, you know, when I was a kid? Used to want to explore new places but after what happened, I never trusted. You’re like a draft under my door, can’t seem to find a way to keep you out, right from the beginning.” Dove glowed, clothes melting away, transformed from a mockjanitor to his silver and white-feathered self again. “Hottest showboy in Vegas!” Matthew noted with affection. This time when Dove embraced him and the earth fell away, Matthew wasn’t as afraid; now he felt anticipation… and freedom. But it would be their last flight together, he knew. * * *

DOVE’S wings stretched out as they glided past the last of the city lights and out into the cold desert night. Matthew finally felt brave enough to watch the patches of trees and odd house run past his 80

The Star Man * Jan Irving dangling feet. “Where are we going?” “Black Mountain Conservatory.” “Oh.” “I saw it on a map in the professor’s office, and I memorized the location.” “Right.” Matthew shook his head in wonder. “I guess you can do that.” “I have a surprise for you.” Dove was smiling secretly. “Since you like surprises again.” * * *

AS THEY headed into the higher elevation, snowflakes and a cold wind swirled past, buffeting them as Dove’s wings worked to bring them into the mountains. Matthew looked down and saw deep canyons and virgin snow below them. Sometimes they flew so low that he could have reached out and brushed the snow from the tops of trees with his fingers. His throat was tight because this was the most fantastical night of his life. This kind of adventure was something from the hazy daydreams of the child he’d been until life wore away the dreams and bled into gray, smashing wonder like fragile blown glass. Now, in his angel’s arms, he had one last chance to be a boy again. And he realized this was part of Dove’s gift, part of the healing he wanted to offer Matthew, even if it was only for one more night. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you for tonight.” “Angels aren’t supposed to fall in love with men,” Dove told him. “Because we are memory. Every age of this world that passes, I’ll 81

The Star Man * Jan Irving remember flying with you tonight. I’ll hear your voice and feel the warmth of your body.” “Oh, angel.” Matthew closed his eyes, not wanting that for Dove. “I’m the lucky one. I just got my crummy life to live. I wish you could forget you ever met me. If you have all these powers, wouldn’t that be possible?” “But I don’t choose to forget you, Matthew.” A perfect crystal tear, glittering like a diamond, rolled down the angel’s cheek and struck Matthew’s face. Matthew cried out, his skin burning. “What was that?” “The tear of an angel; my gift to you.” Matthew shuddered, feeling white heat run through his body. When it reached his chest, it hurt. “Your heart is bleeding, and I can’t bear it anymore. I can’t leave you like this, Matthew. I touched you where you hold your pain.” “My aura again?” Matthew felt faint amusement. He still didn’t really believe he had one of the damned things, but Dove seemed to, and where the angel touched him, cherished him, he didn’t feel so alone. “I hope it will heal you. In our long lifetimes, an angel only has a few tears to shed. I gave you mine.” Matthew frowned, concerned by how his crappy life had touched an angel’s. “Shit! I don’t want to make you less because you care about me.” Now Dove’s face was as softly illuminated as the snow. “How could loving you make me less?”

82

The Star Man * Jan Irving * * *

DOVE set them down gently at the top of Black Mountain, just above the gray curves of conservatory. Matthew was relaxed in the angel’s arms; even the cold didn’t seem to be affecting him. He felt like he was sitting by a warm fire. Dove’s powers mysteriously kept him warm and safe. “This is where I want to make love with you, Matthew.” Matthew looked up at the sky, feeling familiar wonder and the longing that had never been answered when he’d looked up, studied the constellations. “I’ll think of you every time I look at them.” Dove pulled him closer, consoling with touch. Matthew meshed his fingers with the angel’s. Each moment they shared now was like that single crystal tear, once in a lifetime.

83

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Fifteen IT WAS innocent Dove who seduced experienced Matthew. He started with a single, coaxing kiss, soft as a feather on Matthew’s lips, groping as if his only senses were his lips and he wanted to learn Matthew by their touch alone. Matthew gasped as Dove licked his neck. “Outside like this? I thought we’d go indoors.” “I want you in moonlight,” Dove said simply. “You aren’t cold?” “No, though I should be. Should be afraid of getting snow up my ass.” But Matthew laughed and cupped Dove’s cheek. “I don’t care.” They stripped Matthew slowly together and stretched his clothing out, creating a makeshift bed under a tree. As the green limbs moved with the night breeze, Matthew saw misty threads of clouds and the bright cool nimbus around starlight above them. He put his arm around Dove, feeling warmth and anticipation as they leaned against each other. “Was no one ever gentle before, Matthew?” Matthew looked away. Trust Dove to pick up on how he tensed. He relaxed, slowly giving himself. “Brief encounters to let out steam.” “But this is different, because you are my Matthew-friend.” “Yes,” Matthew whispered. “With you it’s different.” 84

The Star Man * Jan Irving “Can we have sex now?” He looked wistful and Matthew laughed. “Oh yeah!” * * *

M ATTHEW had some lubricant he’d shoved in his coat when they’d left his apartment. He shook it out and looked at his angel. Dove’s wings had morphed back into his skin, so he looked like a beautiful man and not the angel he really was. “On your hands and knees, pet.” He guided Dove gently into position, kissing him behind his ear and making him laugh again as his own bare skin slid against Dove’s. Fuck, it felt good! He kissed Dove’s neck, licking and biting him gently into submission as the larger man shivered, arching his neck, his legs widening, receptive as Matthew moved between them. He reached and found Dove’s long, thick penis, stroking him, feeling his body push into Matthew’s hand. “I’m going to finger fuck you first, angel.” “What?” Dove apprehension.

sounded

caught

between

laughter

and

“I don’t want you feeling any discomfort your first time.” “I am stronger than a human would be, Matthew.” Matthew kissed Dove as he looked back over his shoulder at him. “I need you to want me. The only men I’ve ever taken are whores.” “But you were nice to them, weren’t you?” “Nice? I guess. But they weren’t you. Only let me have them ’cause I paid for it. Nothing like someone… wanting you to be their first. Understand?” 85

The Star Man * Jan Irving “Yes, Matthew.” Dove’s midnight eyes touched him, saw into him. Matthew slid down and spread Dove’s muscled ass cheeks apart so his pale opening was revealed. It looked vulnerable and untouched, everything Matthew associated with his new lover. He swallowed at the sudden sense of responsibility. How did he make it wonderful for an angel? Taking a deep breath and deciding to give into his instincts, he put his lips to Dove and suckled, before slowly penetrating him for the first time with a shy and tender tongue. “Matthew-friend!” Dove cried out, his body humming beneath Matthew’s touch like electrified wire. “Going to get you all ready—” Matthew gave Dove a lavish tongue fuck before pushing a probing finger in slowly. He paused and then pulled back to lube more of his fingers before he began to open Dove up, working him as if there were no rush. His lazy gentleness seemed to arouse the angel, who shifted his legs, arching his back wantonly. His wings had reappeared, so Matthew smiled at this sign of a young angel’s arousal. “Yeah, almost ready for me, aren’t you, sweetheart? Ready for your fucking?” “Matthew, my penis is beginning to hurt again, so hard!” Dove sounded grumpy. Matthew reached down and touched Dove’s heavy sac, snug against the angel’s body. “You just need a bit of cock, darling, hitting the sweet spot—” he rasped, on fire himself, trembling now. He kneeled between Dove’s legs and put his cock to him. He felt oddly timid, part of him still wondering if he would be welcomed or turned away. 86

The Star Man * Jan Irving “Come inside me, Matthew,” Dove encouraged, as if sensing the reason behind Matthew’s hesitation. Matthew smacked Dove’s ass. “Bossy angel.” But he nuzzled his bent head against the angel’s back. He was wanted. Matthew pressed inside, deeper, both of them holding still. Sweat dripped from his forehead as he undulated carefully. “What…?” “There’s something inside you that likes to be touched.” “It really likes to be touched!” “Shhhh, gorgeous. It will be better if you hold off a little, trust me.” Matthew didn’t increase his pace and kept up his gentle tapping, light as summer rain against a rooftop so that soon the body under his was all loose and slick. The wings extended, feathers shivering with Matthew’s thrusts. “Harder now, pet.” Matthew slid in and out faster, the big warm body surrounding his cock, taking him, taking all of him. It was gutwrenching, watching his own thick cock going inside Dove, fucking him. “Matthew!” Matthew caressed his lover’s balls gently, riding him as Dove arched, as he shot, losing himself in the wonderful body of his angel. * * *

AFTER , tangled together under stars on Matthew’s crushed clothing, Dove gathered him in his arms.

87

The Star Man * Jan Irving “I am memory and I won’t forget,” Dove promised him.

88

The Star Man * Jan Irving

Chapter Sixteen THE first thing Dove did when Matthew used the key they’d nicked to get inside the observatory was go hunting for a kitchen. Matthew followed him, bemused, watching him pull out left over lunches from a small ’50s era fridge. The angel stuffed his mouth full of someone’s leftover orange, blinking at Matthew innocently despite his hair sticking out at weird angles and the still-drying sweat on his naked body. “What we did made me very hungry, Matthew-friend.” Matthew wasn’t very put together either, wondering how the hell he’d recover from the earthquake that had gone off inside him, shaking, destroying, remaking. Now he tugged his T-shirt back on with shaky fingers, adding it to his jeans, smiling indulgently at Dove’s quirks, while at the same time that sliver of pain cut into his chest. Soon his angel would be gone. “What?” Dove laughed as he bit into an apple, obviously relishing it. His eyes got heavy in a way that heated Matthew. “You liked it. I mean, you liked me.” “Yes, I liked you.” Dove held out the apple, his dark eyes coy. “I don’t have to leave right now, do I?” “Slutty angel!” Matthew took a bite out of Dove’s apple and then a bite of his neck, making him gasp. Dove fell back on the kitchen table, spreading his legs so that Matthew could unzip and snug his sex against Dove’s. The angel knitted his ankles around Matthew’s hips, 89

The Star Man * Jan Irving lying back with his palms up, surrendering. His trust made Matthew burn to possess again. He fished out the lube and tested Dove, finding him still warm and loose and welcoming. He fitted himself to his angel and shoved inside, hard this time. They both groaned, and Dove’s hands slid down Matthew’s loosened jeans to cup his working ass. “Yours, Matthew-friend.” Matthew reached down and stripped Dove’s cock, rubbing a tender thumb over the swollen stem crushed between their bodies. A band seemed to tighten around his head, the emotions he was trying to suppress, the need… “Shit!” “It’s all right, Matthew—” “But I can’t!” Embarrassed color in his cheeks, but his body… he couldn’t hold on! Acting on primal instinct, needing to mate for the first time in his life, he pulled out so he spilled on Dove’s open legs, wanting to see his come on his lover. Their hands wedded as he panted, wilting. After a moment, he rocked against his angel, feeling his hands tighten on Matthew’s ass again. Tears stung his eyes so he closed them. He put a finger into Dove, plying him as he thrust against him, succulent sounds, Dove’s body tightening, and then the angel arched and his wings wrapped around Matthew, keeping him safe, keeping them both safe. * * *

“G ORGEOUS, I’m not sure how the fuck to use this place to get you home. Truth is, every science fiction movie I’ve ever seen, they head up to one of these places and send out signals to outer space, but….” 90

The Star Man * Jan Irving Matthew rubbed the back of his neck, rueful. He was still a little wobbly after his nerves, his feeling, had shorted out with Dove earlier. He’d never felt like that before. He knew he never would again. “It’s all right, Matthew. This place will do,” Dove said, dark eyes serene. “You know how to use all this stuff?” Matthew gestured around the room where they’d managed to open the ceiling so they could view the stars. Various computers and research materials were strewn around. The angel sighed. “Matthew, the truth is I could have returned to my sky world a long time ago.” “What?” “I stayed for you, to heal you and then because I couldn’t bear to leave you. But,” Dove wrapped his arms around himself, “I can feel the cold now. Holding this shape so long has diminished me.” “I know you can’t. I don’t want you to be less!” Matthew rubbed Dove’s arms briskly. “You do what you have to.” “Kiss me?” Matthew’s eyes glittered with the tears he was holding back to shed after he was left behind. I’m not going to be all right. But it didn’t matter when he was in his angel’s arms, pressed against wings and silken olive skin, giving a throaty moan as he caressed nipples he’d suckled and smooth curves he’d worshiped. * * * “PROMISE me you’ll be okay?” 91

The Star Man * Jan Irving Matthew nodded. “I wish—” “You can’t stay,” Matthew said, his voice husky. “You’re not going to be okay, Matthew-friend. Your aura is still bleeding!” Dove scolded. “I can’t leave you like this.” Matthew felt tears spill. He leaned his head against Dove’s neck, taking comfort. “You have to go. I want you to.” “Matthew—” “I know I’m just a guy working crummy jobs, nothing like you, nothing special, but I…” love you. His voice dried up, but he could feel that Dove read him, as he’d always read him. “There is only one solution,” Dove said gravely. “But only if you trust me.” Matthew blinked. “Will you come back with me to my new spaceship? I have repaired it and made it larger, to accommodate a human. I could retain a facsimile of this body for when I wasn’t in energy form.” Dove stroked his cheek. “To please you, Matthew-friend.” “Go there?” Matthew looked up at the stars, scared, but the old longing unfurled inside him, seeing an answer to the question he’d asked since he was a child. I can’t. I’m just an ordinary guy. I’m not meant to— Dove held out his hand, even as his skin was heating, glowing, so it dazzled the eyes. His form seemed to grow taller, expanding, then the feathers spread and there was a singing sound, like the chime of one of those spirit bowls Matthew liked to play with at the new age shop. 92

The Star Man * Jan Irving Suddenly Dove Hollister’s body lay on the floor, abandoned now, chest rising and falling as if he were asleep. A gossamer creature with wings hovered above him, waiting… beginning to fade… Am I still beautiful to your eyes, Matthew? A wistful voice asked in Matthew’s mind. Matthew swallowed. “Yes.” “Goodbye, Matthew-friend.” “No.” Matthew was smiling as he finally reached out, trusting as he had every time they’d gone flying together, letting go of where he hurt, of how he was unworthy. He snagged onto part of his angel’s wing. “Not goodbye.”

93

Got Mistletoe Madness?

The Dreamspinner Press 2009 Advent Calendar is available at http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com.

JAN IRVING has worked in all kinds of creative fields, from painting silk to making porcelain ceramics, to interior design, but writing was always her passion. She feels you can’t fully understand characters until you follow their journey through a story world. Many kinds of worlds interest her, fantasy, historical, science fiction and suspense—but all have one thing in common, people finding a way to live together—in the most emotional and erotic fashion possible, of course! Visit Jan’s web site at http://www.janiceirving.com and blog at http://jan-revealed.livejournal.com.

The Star Man ©Copyright Jan Irving, 2009 Published by Dreamspinner Press 4760 Preston Road Suite 244-149 Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the authors’ imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. Cover Design by Catt Ford This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the publisher. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press at: 4760 Preston Road, Suite 244-149, Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ Released in the United States of America December 2009 eBook Edition eBook ISBN: 978-1-61581-334-6