The Tantric Way Of Loving - A Holistic Guide To Sensual Exploration

THE

NEW

LIFE

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THE TANTRIC WAY 0

VING A HOLISTIC GUIDE TO SENSUAL EXPLORATION

THE

NEW

LIFE

LIBRARY

THE TANTRIC WAY OF LOVING

THE

NEW

LIFE

LIBRARY

THE TANTRIC WAY OF LOVING A HOLISTIC GUIDE TO SENSUAL EXPLORATION

NITYA LACROIX

~ SELECT EDITIONS

Select Editions imprint specially produced for Selectabook Ltd Produced by Anness Publishing Limited Hermes House, 88-89 Blackfriars Road, London SE1 8HA All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any way or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the copyright holder. A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

© Anness Publishing Limited 1999 Updated © 2000 3 5 79 10 8 642

Publisher: Joanna Lorenz; Editor: Debra Mayhew; Insides designed by: DW Design; Stylist: Cia ire Louise Hunt; Hair and Make-up: Nadia V. Persaud; Models: Ralph Beck, Daz Crawford, Kay Marshall, Kerry Anne Martin Production Controller: Yolande Denny; Editorial Reader: Kate Henderson Main photography by: Alistair Hughes; Additional photos by: Michelle Garrett. SAFER-SEX PRACTICES

It is wise for all sexual partners to follow the medical guidelines of safer sex practices to protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases, including the HIV virus which can develop into AIDS . Always avoid the exchange of body fluids, which include vaginal secretions, semen and blood, by using latex condoms and a spermicide. PUBLISHER'S NOTE

The reader should not regard the recommendations, ideas and techniques expressed and described in this book as substitutes for the advice of a medical practitioner or other qualified professional. Any use to which the recommendations, ideas and techniques are put is at the reader's sole discretion and risk.

CONTENTS INTRODUCTION THE CHAKRAS

EQUILIBRIUM AND HARMONY

6 10 12

EMOTIONAL HONESTY

14

THE JOY OF SEXUAL SHARING

16

THE ART OF AROUSAL FEMALE EROTICISM MALE EROTICISM

18 20 22

AROMATICS FOR INTIMACY

24 25 26

SENSUAL AROMATICS

28

THE TOUCH OF LOVE

MASSAGING INTIMATE AREAS

30 32 34 36

A LOVING FACE MASSAGE

38

A RELAXING RITUAL

40

RITUALS OF DEVOTION PERFUMES OF LOVE

TENDER STROKES SENSUAL STROKES

FINDING TRANQUILLITY

42

AWAKENING ENERGY

44

MERGING SEXUAL ENERGY

46 48 50 52 54 56 60 62

ONENESS WITH NATURE THE FIVE SENSES A SANCTUARY OF LOVE

DIVINE LOVE-MAKING THE MAN'S CONSCIOUS PASSION THE SEXUAL POWER OF A WOMAN ECSTATIC LOVE-MAKING

INTRODUCTION

T

o follow the path of tantric

develop the equilibrium within their

loving is to take a holistic

relationships. Tantric loving helps

approach to your partnership.

you to create a safe haven within

By dedicating yourselves mind, body

your hearts and the privacy of your

and spirit to your relationship, you

home to foster a deep sense of respect

are making a mutual commitment to

and love for each other.

enhance its happiness and intimacy.

Tantric loving is not simply a

The modern tantric path derives its

sexual technique, but rather a

influences from the ancient Eastern

commitment to live a more conscious

tradition of Tantra, but many of its

life in every respect. It has a spiritual

concepts remain relevant for the

dimension, even though it does not

modern couple. Indeed, with all the

~ This

stresses that impinge on our lives

pathway of the energy

viewpoint. It perceives a sexual

today, couples often need to find

centres in the body

relationship to be not only the

statue depicts the

imaginative ways to preserve and

require a specific belief or religious

physical union of two people, but

" Emotional and physical harmony is enhanced by a meditative and tantric approach to love-making.

6

INTRODUCTION

a re-enactment of the divine principle of union that

the basic concepts of tantric loving that may help

governs the whole of Existence. Tantra teaches that

to enhance the ecstasy of your love-making.

it is the perfect merging of the cosmic male principle

There is a temperance in the passion of tantric

with the cosmic female principle that creates

love-making which makes it qualitatively different

universal harmony and equilibrium. So tantric love-

from normal sexual activity. To experience this

making is an invitation to the sacred mystery of the

alternative way of making love may require you to

universe to enter into sexual intercourse.

change your established patterns of sexual behaviour,

This book does not

but remember that the

aim to reveal or teach

teachings of Tantra do

the disciplines and

not exclude or make

secrets of traditional

judgement on any kind

Tantra, which began to

of sexual activity as long

flourish in parts of India

as it is embarked upon in

and Tibet about 5,000

the spirit of love and

years ago. True disciples

mutual pleasure. Tantra

would spend years under

perceives that all sexual

the guidance of a teacher

rela tionships contain the

to initiate them into the

essential element of

progressive series of

merging and union, and

esoteric practices, known

therefore have the

as "Kundalini-yoga".

potential for a higher

These practices include

spiritual experience.

advanced yogic postures

Explore tantric love-

and breathing

making at a pace that

techniques, meditation,

suits you both. Do not

chanting and sexual yoga

put pressure on each

for the purpose of

other to achieve any

attaining a state of

.. Tantra teaches that your sexual relationship should

kind of pre-set goal, and

spiritual enlightenment

be filled with pleasure and joy. Relax and have fun

do not deny yourselves

or cosmic consciousness.

and always bring laughter and playfulness into your

the type of sexual

This book's purpose is to

sexual interaction.

activity you have always

take and adapt some of

enjoyed. Ritualize your

7

INTRODUCTION

tantric love-making in

withhold his ejaculation

the ways described so

completely, releasing it

that you do not confuse

not more than three

it with the occasions

times in ten sexual

when you want to

episodes. According

indulge in excitement

to tantric, and Chinese

and hot passion, fast

Taoist teachings, the

sex, fantasy sex and

ejaculation of semen

the quick orgasm. As

causes a depletion of

you increasingly allow

vital life energy which

stillness and meditation

weakens the man, both

into your love-making

spiritually and

your sexual ecstacy

physically. Tantra, in

will start to become

particular, teaches that

more profound. Most

the energy of orgasm

of all, remember that

can be harnessed as a

the love life you forge

force for inner trans-

with your beloved is

formation. Instead of

unique to your own

dissipating semen the

relationship. Let that

man should moderate

relationship be full of

his excitement, and

joy and playfulness

through the use of

as you embark on the

breath and thought

sensual adventure of

control draw the force

tantric loving.

of his orgasmic energy

A major emphasis in

upwards so that it

tantric love-making is

ascends towards the

on the man's retention of his orgasm. In some

brain, opening up A Hindu art of a past era frequently illustrated the love

internal psychic

schools of traditional

rituals and sexual activities of the aristocracy in the

energy centres to bring

Eastern thought, the

exotic settings of their boudoirs.

him to a higher state

man is advised to

of realization.

8

INTRODUCTION

~

The erotic sculptures of the

Konarak and Kha;uraho temples in India depict the ascent of the human spirit from ordinary copulation to a transcendental state of sexual union.

"f"

In tantric love-making, the

man surrenders himself into the energy of the woman, adoring her with every touch, without losing control of his passions.

9

INTRODUCTION

THE CHAKRAS The concept of a subtle energy body is an important

of cosmic bliss. Conscious sexuality, says Tantra,

principle in Tantra. For centuries, Eastern

unleashes a powerful force within the body, known

philosophies, religions and healing traditions have

as "Kundalini energy". The Kundalini is active

recognized that an etheric energy body exists parallel

fema le creative energy manifested in all universal

to the physical body. There are seven major energy

matter. Normally, the Kundalini lies dormant within

centres, known as chakras, located in specific areas

us, but when it is awakened by yogic practices,

of this energy body. These chakras interact with the

meditation and sexual activity, it ascends through

existential universal forces, which are governed by a

the energy body on its potential journey to the crown

divine Cosmic Consciousness. The human body, then,

chakra, the seat of cosmic oneness and bliss. Each

according to Tantra, is a hallowed temple that

chakra is associated with one of the rainbow colours,

contains the energetic potential to merge with a state

see right, and with a certain level of vibration. ... The Kundalini sexual energy in Tantra is a feminine creative force often portrayed as an uncoiled serpent.

... FAR LEFf:

Sit together and

breathe meditatively into each chakra. Focus especially on the heart chakra, which is the energy centre for love, merging and empathy.

10

I NTRODUCT I ON

Located between the eyebrows, Ajna is often referred to as the "third eye" and

Located above the crown of the head,

is the seat of intuition or "sixth sense".

Sahasrara is associated with self-realization,

It is associated with higher knowledge,

cosmic consciousness, bliss and total unity

intellect and compassion. Indigo.

with the whole. Violet.

Located between the nipples, the heart chakra or Anahat relates to love, empathy, joy and the union of body and spirit, as well as the

Located in the throat, Vishuddha

merging of male and female

is associated with self-awareness,

polar energies. Green.

purity, expression and communication. Blue.

Located just below the navel, Swadhishtana is the source of vital life energy, and is the The Manipur or solar plexus

core centre of balance and

chakra resides at a central point

gravity within us. It relates to emotion, reproduction and

beneath the rib cage and is associated with intellect, power, will, ego and

sexual drive. Orange.

action. Yellow.

Located at the base of the sex organs, the base chakra or Muladhara is associated with survival and sexuality, pain and pleasure. Red.

11

EQlJILIBRIUM AND HARMONY

T

he search for union and harmony is at the

considerations and, while it has a vitality and binding

heart of tantric teaching. It seeks to restore

energy of its own, its very nature is one of transience.

equilibrium between the polar masculine and

Holistic loving is more enduring and is rooted in the

feminine forces which govern the whole of Existence.

acceptance of our own and the other person 's

According to Tantra, the relationship between a man

humanity. We all have our own particular strengths

and woman is a microcosmic enactment of the

and weaknesses, and respecting and caring for these

fundamental law which rules the whole of the Universe.

qualities in another person establishes the basis of

Strife occurs when these two opposing energies are

equality in a relationship so that the games of power

discordant with each other. When they are in harmony,

and manipulation cannot take hold. Intimacy develops when we

the polar energies complement

share our thoughts, feelings and

each other and merge as one. Bliss, says Tantra, arises out of

bodies with our beloved. We

the state of perfect union.

cannot hide away one part of ourselves and expect to be

A tantric relationship is one that enjoys a deep emotional and

available and open with another.

sexual intimacy and is built on a

Lovers should reach out to each

strong foundation of honest and

other in a holistic way, bringing

sincere communication. Mutual

heart, mind, body and soul into

trust is essential if openness,

their communion. Sometimes this

confidence and respect - all

is painful because we may have to

fundamental ingredients of an

lower the defences we have

intimately bonded partnership -

carefully constructed against the

are to flourish.

hurts and bruises of life, and

These qualities are not

perhaps experienced in previous

necessarily present in the first

.& Respect and mutual support

relationships. It may require deep

flush of sexual excitement that

enables a relationship to flourish and

and honest soul-searching to find

invariably accompanies the

mature in ways that benefit and bring

within ourselves the causes of our

beginnings of a relationship.

strength to both sexes.

own internal pain, so that we do

Passion can easily override other

not always blame the other

12

E QU I LIB R I U M

AND

person for our difficulties or neediness. It takes

HARMONY

nurtured. We cannot afford to fix our loved one or

tolerance and generosity of imagination to understand

ourselves into a comfortable rut, for each of us has our

that the other person's needs and opinions may be

own personal destiny as well as the destiny we share

different from our own. It demands courage to speak

with each other. Our emotional and sexual lives are

honestly and clearly about what we are feeling and

undoubtedly enriched when we are able to reveal the

what we personally need from the relationship. The

truth of who we are, and in doing so find a deep and

organic growth of intimacy must be constantly

genuine acceptance of each other.

'f' The capacity to be vulnerab le with each other enables

'f' Let your combined masculine and feminine strengths

great tenderness to develop between you .

become a complementary influence in your relationship.

13

E QU I LIB R I U M

AND

HARMONY

EMOTIONAL HONESTY Resolving issues of conflict as and when they arise

When you feel that the need is there, allocate

between yourself and your partner will ensure that

a period of time to discuss the issues that are

your love-making stays spontaneous and unimpeded

troubling you and causing conflict. Each partner

by hidden resentments and anger which might

should have a precise period (between 5-10

otherwise create tensions between you.

minutes at anyone time) to discuss their issues

Tantric loving is an holistic

calmly and without

experience. You cannot give

interruption. The other

yourself wholeheartedly to

partner should listen

the sexual experience if you

carefully to what is being

are holding back on an

said, trying to remain

emotional level. Committing

receptive to the other's

yourselves to setting aside

words without becoming

quality time for discussing

defensive. When it is your

underlying problems and

turn, you will ha ve the

comprehending each other's

opportunity to put

point of view will help all

forward your own point

aspects of your relationship

of view in the secure

to remain healthy.

knowledge that you, too,

Communicating and

will be heard calmly and

listening to each other in

without interruption. Be

a positive way, in spite of

conscious of your body

the difficult issues that need

language, adopting a

to be discussed, is a

posture that is relaxed

relationship skill. It does not

and open so that your

always come easily and you

stance is not intimidating,

may need to suspend rigid

closed or submissive,

opinions in order to hear

~

and respond to the feelings

feelings instils vitality into your relationship.

The willingness to communicate your

of your partner.

but instead welcomes communication and an exchange of views.

14

E QU I LIB R I U M

~

AND

HARMONY

Talk clearly and

simply about what you need and want. Take responsibility by placing your words in the context of "1" rather than "you". Accusation and blame will only alienate him.

~

When talking,

try not to dominate by raising your voice or being condescending.

Do not be afraid to show your vulnerability. Trust that A Indicate through body language that you are supportive.

she will listen to you.

Leaning towards your partner, maintaining eye contact and taking his or her hand in your own are gestures that show that you are interested in their point of view.

15

E QU I LIB R I U M

AND

HARMON Y

THE JOY OF SEXUAL SHARING Your sexuality is a precious and intrinsic part of your

each other sexually, or use sexual secrets shared

nature, and deserves to be treated with respect. In an

between you against each other. Find ways to show each other what you like and

intimate and tantric relationship, lovers should be able to trust each other implicitly with their bodies

want sexually in an atmosphere of playfulness and

and their sexuality. When mutual reverence is there,

co-operation. Go to the bedroom together, not

there are no sexual boundaries or rules except for

specifically to have sexual intercourse, but to

those decided upon by the two individuals concerned.

explore new realms of physical pleasure and to

Physical intimacy develops as you open up to each

discover more about each other's sexual preferences.

other, sharing your sexual thoughts, feelings, fears, desires and fantasies. Create time to talk to one

T Exploring every inch of his skin with your lips will increase

another about these things, but do so only when there

his sensual awareness of his body and enlighten you to his

is no underlying tension between you. Never criticize

sexual responses.

16

E QU I LIB R I U M

AND

HARMONY

Play-act some of your erotic fantasies together.

Choose a time when there are no outside pressures or interruptions, and when neither of you is tired.

Be open to experimenting with something new, but

Touch and stroke each other, using different

always be respectful of your own or your partner's

means of tactile contact such as your lips, tongue,

boundaries. Never pressurize your lover into

fingers and body parts, so that you become familiar

performing a sexual act against his or her will.

with all of your partner's body. Tell each other in

Sharing these sexual intimacies, and revealing

what manner and where you especially like to be

yourselves in this way, enables you both to relax

touched and kissed. Show each other how you want

deeply with each other. While fantasy and excitement

to be caressed and stimulated on your most intimate

is not the essence of tantric love-making, you should

areas. Guide each other on how to stroke, lick and

first be able to embrace and enjoy all aspects of your

kiss the genital parts to increase arousal. Male and

sexuality without guilt or judgement. Always treasure

female sexual needs and responses can vary greatly,

the information that your lover imparts about his or

so learn from each other the different ways to bring

her sexuality. In the same way, you should honour

sexual joy to a partner of the opposite sex.

your own sexual uniqueness .

... Learn from her how and where she loves to be touched and

... Sexual tension dissolves more easily if you are able to be

caressed by you, and take pleasure in her whole body erogeny.

playful with each other on a physical level.

17

THE ART OF AROUSAL

S

exual wisdom acknowledges that a man's

The art of arousal is in the sensual awakening

passion is generally aroused more quickly than

of the body as a whole, and in the presence of being

a woman's and is faster to reach its climax,

that you bring into your every touch and caress.

while a woman's sexual arousal is slower to ignite

Experience each moment of physical contact for its

but endures longer. In the art of love-making, the

own pleasurable sake rather than as a means to an

couple should aim to harmonize these differences

end. Do not rush into intercourse or hurry towards

so that the progress of their sexual arousal becomes

your climax, but rather lose yourselves in the joy

more balanced, and enables them to reach mutual

of extended sensual foreplay. Take time to hold each

satisfaction. In tantric love-making, great emphasis

other and breathe slowly and deeply together,

is placed on a woman's natural right to reach her

establishing eye contact on occasions to strengthen

peak of sexual ecstasy. The man must therefore learn

your intimacy and emotional connection. When you

to pace his passion and to make love to his partner

do close your eyes, concentrate on the sensations

selflessly and, by doing so, his patience is rewarded

that each kiss and caress stirs within you and savour

by his partner's joy.

the pleasure of each one .

... Not every touch has to excite. Arousal levels can be

... She will love to feel your kisses covering every inch of her

allowed to rise and fall naturally. Linger enjoyably by

skin. Let your lips brush and anoint the back of her body,

tenderly and teasingly stroking intimate parts of his body.

and tease her intimate areas.

18

THE

ART

o

F

... Every part of her body is worthy of your attention and is erotically sensitive. Take her fingertips into your mouth one by one; suck them gently, rolling your tongue around them.

~

Kiss as if engaged in the act of making love itself. The

mouth, lips and tongue are highly erotically charged, and when they meet with willingness and receptivity there is a fusion of your male and female sexual energies.

19

AROUSAL

THE

ART

OF

AROUSAL

FEMALE EROTICISM When a man makes love to a woman, he should do

state of arousal, a woman's nipples may become

so in a manner of reverence and adoration, perceiving

erect, her skin may flush and her vaginal juices will

her body as both a temple of delight and an altar of

start to flow. Through her words, her sighs and her

devotion. Tantric texts describe a woman's sexuality

body's responses, she signals to her lover that she is

as a sacred mystery and a medium through which both

emotionally and physically ready to receive him.

she and her male partner can attain physical and

In historic Eastern manuscripts relating to sexuality,

spiritua I ecstasy.

many elaborate terms were employed to describe a

A woman's whole body is erotogenic and she is

woman's most intimate sexual organs - the vagina and

especially sensitive to touch, so her lover should

clitoris. Names such as Jewel or Lotus (a sacred Indian

bestow his kisses and caresses on every part of her.

flower) are found in the Hindu Tantra, while the

Her sexuality is awakened by and responsive to not

Chinese Taoist tradition used poetic terms such as the

only his physical embraces, but also to her sense of

Jade Gate, the Valley of Joy and Pearl. These elaborate

bei~g

names illustrate the respect accorded to a woman's

emotionally cherished. A sensitive lover ensures

that the woman is fully sexually aroused through

erotic nature and show that her sexual organs were

loving, mutual foreplay before he enters her. In a

perceived as the divine gateway to joy.



will long for your

surround her sexual

caresses so embrace

organs are also

all parts of her, not

erotically charged.

just certain specific

Honour this part of

erogenous zones.

her with kisses

Stroke and squeeze

and sensual touches

her legs and feet as

which anoint her

they will be sensitve

thighs and belly.

to your touch.

20

THE

ART

o

F

AROUSAL

• Tenderly plant your kisses on to her face, letting them brush her forehead, ears and eyes before your lips meet. These intimate gestures will open her heart to you.


Her breasts are highly erogenous and as you kiss and

lick them, and suck her nipples, you will arouse her sexually. Always touch her breasts with respect.

21

THE

ART

OF

AROUSAL

MALE EROT I C ISM Visual stimulus generally

competition, stamina

plays a considerable part

and physical prowess.

in male sexual arousal, as

The more subtle nuances

does direct tactile contact

of physical and tactile

to the man's major

sensuality, which are so

erogenous area - the

much a part of sensitive

penis. Without direct

tantric love-making, are

stimulation to the penis

often neglected. In

and its sensitive tip, the

ancient tantric rituals,

glans, it is difficult for a

it was customary for the

man to reach an orgasm.

male disciple to bathe

It is an essential part of

and anoint his body

the art of love-making

before participating in

that his lover understands

sexual ceremonies.

how to move her pelvis

.... Do not focus your attention too directly towards

He would engage in

during intercourse, or to

his genital organs. First tease and stimulate him,

elaborate rites, touching

kiss and caress his sexual

nuzzling, licking and kissing his belly and thighs to

specific parts of his

organ, so that he gains

arouse this erotically charged area.

body while chanting

maximum pleasure

significant sounds

without coming to a

intended to heighten

premature climax. She should seek to learn from her

his physical, spiritual and energetic responses to his

partner what manner of erotic strokes and movements

sexual partner.

bring him sexual happiness, and to learn from his

A man who wishes to embark on the journey

signals when to slow the pace.

of holistic love-making will need to become more physically sensual and sensitive to his own body.

Culture has tended to deny men the same opportunity of experiencing whole body sensuality

He should also enjoy the erotic whole-body contact

that it has allowed women to enjoy. From an early

of extended foreplay for its own sake, surrendering

age, men are often conditioned into being hardened

to his lover's kisses and strokes so that his sexual

and detached from the body, except in the realm of

consciousness floods through every part of him.

22

THE

~

ART

o

F

He will love this playful

yet totally sexy feeling of your body writhing over his skin. It will make him aware of the sensuality of the back of his body as your breasts and belly roll over him. ~

Stimulate him on and

around his buttocks. Caressing and kneading these fleshy muscles can be sexually arousing for him, as is stroking his perineum and scrotum.

23

AROUSAL

T

RITUALS OF DEVOTION antric loving is full of little ritual acts of devotion because this is

one way to keep alive the respect and love in a partnership, and so continue to honour each other. In traditional Tantra, the initiates would offer one another gifts of flowers, food and wine before taking part in sexual ceremonies. They would also anoint each other, and massage and touch each other's bodies. These rites were performed because, to the tantric disciple, the lover personified a divine presence. The elaborate forms of ritual helped focus the minds of the disciples on the sacredness of sexuality. Tantric sex is all about conscious love-making. Sexual partners must prepare themselves and their environment with the full awareness that they are to engage in a physical act that is essentially spiritual in content. ~

Hindu art shows the allure of a

devoted lover honouring his goddess.

24

RITUALS

OF

DEVOTION

PERFUMES O F LOV E Tantric lovers have always used fragrance in their

Essential oils are essences distilled from a variety of natural resources such as flowers, herbs, fruits,

ceremonial rituals. According to tantric teachings, smell is the sense that ignites sexual energy. In

leaves, roots, sap and the bark of trees. The essences

traditional tantric sexual ceremonies, fragrant potions

contain many of the healing properties of their source

blended from woods, plants and herbs were used to

plants, and their specific aromas can transform the

anoint the bodies of lovers and to heighten both

mood of lovers and create an atmosphere conducive

physical sensuality and spiritual awareness. Today

to transcendental love-making. Sandalwood and

you can create your own perfumes of love from the

camphor are two of the most popular ceremonial

wide selection of aromatic essential oils available in

fragrances, while frankincense and cedarwood have

pharmacies and health shops. Once you understand

always been associated with religious significance

their effects and properties you can use them to

and worship. Jasmine and rose have long been

enhance your sexual relationship.

associated with love and seduction.

A Select the aromatic oils which most appeal to you and

A When you prepare to give a massage, add a few drops of

your lover's sense of smell and mood.

fragranced essential oils into the basic carrier.

25

RITUALS

OF

DEVOTION

AROMATICS FOR INTIMACY Blending aromatic essences in order

Certain aromatic essences have a long-established

to create a fragrant atmosphere

reputation for their aphrodisiac qua lities:

for love, and to enhance

SANDALWOOD has

sensuality, introduces

a woody, sweet fragrance

the important aspect

that has a sensual effect

of ritual into your love-

on the body and a

making. Aromatic

calming influence on

essences, blended to

the mind. Like

evoke positive changes ... Clary sage

" Sandalwood

sandalwood,

in body, mind and

pa tchouli origina tes

soul, contribute

from India and was

to that intention.

used traditionally in

Develop a sound knowledge of the effects of each

tantric ritual. Its enduring

fragrance, and of the physical and mental benefits of

musky smell is relaxing yet

the essences' properties. Be guided by your instinctive

sexually evocative. JASMI NE, which opens

response to the individual aromas and their combined

its heavenly scented flowers at night, has long been

smells. Soon you will notice how .

associated with the powerful influences of love.

certain fragrances influence

Jasmine absolute has particularly good effects on male sexuality, helping to

mood, instil calm, stimulate the physical senses, arouse

relieve sexual tensions and to

sexual feeling or create a

promote physical and emotional

meditative atmosphere.

warmth. ROSE ABSOLUTE is the

Those recipes that work on

most feminine of fragrances

you and your lover

and is associated with love,

holistically are the ones that ... Ginger

healing and seduction .

are most compatible to tantric love,-

It weaves its sweet

making. Use no more than three essential oils

magic to dissolve

together at anyone time or your sense of smell

emotional wounds and

will become overwhelmed.

... Jasmine

26

encourage the heart to trust

RITUALS

OF

again. The haunting, bittersweet perfume of NEROLI ABSOLUTE,

Citrus-derived essences such

drawn from orange blossom, is said to

as

soothe sexual anxieties while

an aspect of

rose and jasmine to make

playfulness to

a seductive aromatic recipe

your love life.

YLANG

Some aromatic

YLANG-

exudes a sweet,

essences, such as

exotic fragrance and

LAVENDER

deserves its erotic reputation;

and

,

GERANIUM,

are not in themselves

aphrodisiacs but instead enhance the mood of

only a few drops

equilibrium that is so vital for harmonious love-

should be used as its heady scent can be quite overpowering.

BERGAMOT

add zest and

It blends beautifully with

for love-making.

. ... Lavender

LIME, ORANGE

and

boosting virility and fertility.

.... Juniper

DEVOTION

making.

JUNIPER

is soothing and helps to

relieve anxiety and nervous tension. The

BASIL,

which also originates from

resinous scent of FRANKINCENSE and the

India, is a restorative essential

woody aroma of CEDARWOOD both instil

oil with a reputation for igniting

calm and serenity, and so are conducive

sexual energy.

to elevating the mind and enhancing the

PEPPER

and

BENZOIN, BLACK

GINGER

bring warmth

to the heart and body, and SAGE

spiritual focus of your sexual activity. Indeed, cedar is a Semitic word which means

CLARY

adds a touch of euphoria.

"the power of spiritual strength" .

.... Benzoin

prescription with a natural vegetable oil lways select good-quality

such as grapeseed, sunflower or almond.

essential oils, storing them in

Aromatic essences are potent substances and

a cool place and away from

should be used according to the instructions

sunlight. Keep blended oils in darkened glass

of the manufacturers or the advice of a

bottles or porcelain containers, but not in a

qualified aromatherapist. Seek advice on the

plastic container as they may react against its

use and contra-indications of essential oils

chemical composition. Never apply essential oils

if you are pregnant, sick, frail or elderly, or

directly on to the skin, but dilute according to

prone to skin sensitivity.

27

RITUALS

OF

DEVOTION

SENSUAL AROMATICS Essential oils can be used in a variety of ways to cast their gentle spell on your love life. Before making love, bathe alone or together with your partner in water infused with up to seven drops of aphrodisiac and relaxing essential oils. Blend the drops into a teaspoon of almond oil and add the mixture to the water once the bath has filled. Stir the water thoroughly so the essences are well dispersed then relax into it, breathing deeply to inhale the aromas. Select essences that are kind to the skin and that you are sure will not cause

... Combining candles and fragrance in the bathroom

a skin allergy.

intoxicates the senses .

... The perfume of essential oil and

... Aromatic soaps and lotions make bathing a sensual experience .

flowers instils romance.

28

RITUALS

OF

DEVOTION

By using an aroma burner, you can infuse your special love chamber with a subtle and inviting fragrance. Add your selected blend of seven essential oil drops to the bowl of water and light the tea-candle beneath it so that the enticing scented vapour impregnates the atmosphere. Aromatherapy candles can also be used for the same purpose. Aromatic essences can be added to a pure vegetable oil to deepen the tender experience of a loving whole-body massage, which you can give to or receive from your partner. Massage between lovers can be an experience of emotional and physical relaxation, or enjoyed as a prelude to love-making. Create a romantic, uplifting and sensually inspiring recipe of essential oils, mixing between 12-14 drops of essences into 25 mill fI oz/ll/z tsp of vegetable oil.

... The combined effects of massage strokes and the aromatic influence of scented oils will dispel her tension and help her to relax. ~ A

lighted aroma burner will infuse the room with

fragrance, but do be careful not to leave the lighted candle unattended.

29

RITUALS

OF

DEVOTION

THE TOUCH OF LOVE Touch is one of the most profound means of

each other with respect, with tenderness, with

communication between two people. The laying

sensuality and with playfulness will greatly

of loving hands upon the body conveys a depth of

strengthen your physical and emotional intimacy.

feeling that goes way beyond the impact of words.

Learn some of the basic strokes of massage so that

Touch has a direct link with your inner world of

you become confident and skilled in the art of touch.

feelings, and through it you can express your

Through massage, your hands can relax your lover's

affection, your concern, your pleasure and

body, easing away its tensions and restoring a sense

appreciation. To receive the benefits of caring touch

of mental peace. Massage revitalizes the whole

upon your body is also a deeply moving experience.

physical system, awakens sensuality and enlivens the

The power of nurturing touch imparts the healing

skin to its full capacity of feeling. It is the perfect gift

effects of wholeness and integration, and thus

for partners to bestow upon each other. Prepare a relaxing and welcoming environment in

restores a sense of balance and equilibrium between body, mind and spirit.

which to give a massage. Ensure that the room is

Explore the world of touch in ways that are not

warm and well ventilated, and that the lighting is soft and soothing. A mattress or duvet placed on the floor

solely confined to an act of sexual arousal. Touching

... The soft glow of candles will create a soothing

... Massage is a gift to share, and can be used to soothe and relax, while

atmosphere in which to massage your beloved.

enhancing your emotional and physical bond.

30

RITUALS

OF

will provide greater support and freedom of

DEVOTION

a blanket close by to cover your partner if necessary.

movement than massaging on the bed. Cover the base

Use your essential oils to create a fragrant

with freshly laundered sheets or bath towels to

ambience. Add your chosen blend either to an aroma

protect it from excess oil, and keep clean towels and

burner to infuse the atmosphere, or to the massage

Your partner will appreciate the special care that you

romance, but ensure your choice of music does not

oil. Music will enhance the mood of relaxation and 'f'

impose on the calming effects of your strokes.

have taken in preparing a welcoming massage environment.

31

RITUALS

OF

DEVOTION

TENDER STROKES The most important element of massage is the caring quality of presence and feeling that you bring to your hands as you touch your lover's body. Trust your hands and follow your sense of intuition which will show you how and where to apply your strokes. You will gain confidence if you learn some of the basic techniques from books or a massage class, but the essence of healing comes from deep within you when your feelings of love and tenderness flow through your hands without any inhibition. Your touch can be firm yet gentle, nurturing yet playful, sensual yet comforting. Always massage your lover with respect, honouring their body as it rests before you. This is the way to make your massage a truly tantric experience. Take care of your own body while giving a massage. Be alert to your own comfort, ensuring that your posture remains aligned, open and relaxed, and that your breathing is deep and easy. If you feel peaceful and relaxed within yourself, your massage will have a meditative quality that will benefit you both. Apply your strokes in a rhythmic and fluid manner, emphasizing the roundness and sensuality of your lover's body, and moving your hands from one area to another so that they convey a sense of whole-body integration. Let your hands be soft and supple, even when applying a stronger pressure, and

1 Spread the oil smoothly with flowing strokes over the

imagine that they are sculpting your lover's body

area of the body you are about to massage. Use this time to

rather than imposing upon it.

relax and become attuned to each other.

32

RITUALS

2

o F

DEVOTION

3

A long, sweeping stroke over the back can be performed

Your massage can be both therapeutic and sensual. Your

while straddling the hips of your partner. This ensures close

hands should always encompass fully the contours of the

contact, but take care to support your own weight.

body, such as the shoulders, hips and buttocks.

33

RITUALS

OF

DEVOTION

SENSUAL STROKES Some of the most sensual massage strokes can be

FAN STROKES

repeated over many different parts of the body, adapting them to the size of the area and varying their pace and pressure. In this way, you are able to build up a repertoire of soothing and sensual motions from relatively few simple strokes. The gentle strokes shown here create a hypnotic and relaxing effect, enabling your partner to surrender fully to the caress of your loving hands. In addition, they prepare, warm and enliven the body so that it becomes more responsive to touch. Repeat each

1 To fan stroke up the back, rest both palms flat

sequence of strokes three times before gliding

on each side of the spine. Steadily slide your hands

smoothly into the next movement.

upwards for a distance of about 15 cm (6 in).

FEATHERING

~

CIRCLE STROKES

Feather touches produce a pleasurable, teasing

1

sensation on the skin. Stroke your fingertips

fingers pointing away from you, on the back or

lightly downwards, one hand overlapping the

belly. Slide steadily in a clockwise circular

other, to stimulate the skin's sensory nerves.

motion, right hand leading.

34

Place both hands parallel but slightly apart,

~

R I TUA L S

2

OF

DEVO TI ON

3

Fan both hands softly out towards the sides

Flex your wrists to return your hands back to

of the body so that they mould to the rib cage

the initial position of the stroke. Glide them up to

before pulling them firml y back downwards.

a higher level of the back and repeat the stroke.

2

3

Lift your right hand to allow the left one to

Continue your circle strokes so that they spiral

make a continuous circular motion. Pass your

over the surface of the skin in an unbroken motion.

right hand over the left wrist before dropping it

Remember to keep the left hand moving on the

back down to complete a half-circle motion.

body while the right one lifts and returns.

35

RITUALS

OF

DEVOTION

MASSAGING INTIMATE AREAS Massage can be a sensual prelude to love-making,

most intimate parts of the body. It is better not to

especially if your hands know how to arouse the

over-excite your partner, but instead let your touch

erotic areas of the body with loving strokes. It is

awaken the body's sensual responses so that the

important, however, that your touch honours your

sexual energy begins to flow like a gentle stream

lover's body as a whole and does not overly focus

throughout its entirety. When the massage precedes

on the erogenous zones. Your hands should be

love-making, your hands should be making love to

undemanding, tender and sensitive as you anoint the

every inch of your partner's skin. From fingertips to

~

~

Soften your hands to gently cup and stroke over the fullness

of her breasts.

Warm and relax her thighs with the flowing motion of your

strokes to ease away tension.

36

RITUALS

OF

DEVOTION

toes, your touch should revere both the body and the

the flowing fan strokes which you apply to the whole

essential being of your lover. Your strokes should

upper area of her body. In the same way, massage her

never go against your lover's wishes, nor should you

legs, gliding your strokes up over her inner thighs and

try to manipulate the massage towards a sexual end

sensitively around her groin. Take care not to intrude

without your partner's willing consent. In tantric

abruptly on to her genital area, but sweep your hand

love-making there is no goal in mind except pleasure

tenderly over her vulva and pubic mound. When the woman is massaging the man, spread

and delight in the tactile experience of the moment.

If you are the man giving the sensual massage, be

the oil over his skin to warm his whole body before

gentle with your touch on your partner's breasts.

paying special attention to his buttocks and thighs,

Your hands can cup her breasts and

first with soft, smooth motions then with firmer

your fingers can lovingly caress

pressure. While he lays on his back, relax his

over her nipples, but do not

abdomen with soft circular strokes, leaning closely

linger gratuitously on

into him so that your hair or breasts brush lightly

this area. Instead let

against his skin. Gently massage over his genital

this erotic touch be

area, caressing his penis and scrotum, but do not over-stimulate him. Guide his

integrated into

attention to other parts of his body by stroking down on to his legs ~

or up over his chest.

Stroke sensually over

his genital area, and then sweep your hands up on to his abdomen.

37

RITUALS

A

o F

DEVOTION

LOVING FACE MASSAGE

To touch and massage the face of your lover

requires. Your hands should be soft but steady as

is a very personal act and your hands will need the

they move deftly over the features of the face.

awareness and sensitivity that all tantric loving

Your strokes will remove tension, refreshing and

1 Apply a small quantity of oil on to

2 Glide your thumbs steadily from

3 Softly cup and relax your hands,

your hands. Stroke them gently, one

the centre of the brow towards the

circling your fingertips several times

after the other, first up over the neck,

sides of the head. Repeat the stroke

in soothing clockwise motions over

and then across the chin and jaw.

up over the entire forehead.

your lover's temples.

7

8

Relax your hands to sweep the palms soothingly up

Rotate your fingertips anti-clockwise on one place at

over the sides of the temples and scalp, then draw them

a time all over the fleshy area of the cheeks and around

away from the head.

the mouth and jaw.

38

~

~

RITUALS

o F

revitalizing your lover as they sweep over his or her

DEVOTION

an excellent way to start or finish a whole-body

temples, brow and jaw. A face massage will help your

massage, or it can be enjoyed as a caring experience

beloved to relax into a more spontaneous mood. It is

in its own right.

4

Draw your thumbs from the inner to

5 Place your thumb pads each side of

6

Continuing from the previous

the outer edges of the eyebrows, then

the bridge of the nose, then glide them

stroke, slide both thumb pads directly

press the pads sensitively up into and

firmly down to the nostrils and out

under the cheekbones, softening the

along the brow bone.

towards the cheekbones.

pressure at the sides of the face.

9 Supporting the back of the ears with your index fingers,

10

make continuous tiny circular strokes over the lobes and

cradling the head between your hands as your thumbs rest

rims with your thumbs.

on the centre of the brow.

39

Complete your face massage with a peaceful hold,

RITUALS

A

OF

DEVOTION

RELAXING RITUAL

Bathing and massaging your lover's feet can become

blend, add two drops of patchouli mixed with two

one of your special rituals, serving not only to relax

drops of lavender essence. Find a comfortable position

and refresh your partner, but also as a gift of love

for your partner to sit in and ask him or her to soak his

and devotion.

feet for at least 10 minutes. Taking one foot at a time,

Take a bowl which is large enough to fit both feet

lather it with soap, gently squeezing and pressing the

and fill it two-thirds full with warm water. For a

foot all over to release any tension. Then pat each foot

luxurious touch, add up to four drops of essential oil-

dry with a soft, warm towel. Now massage one foot

relaxing lavender or cooling peppermint essences are

and then the other, ensuring your partner's legs are

perfect choices for a foot bath. For a more sensual

comfortably supported and relaxed .

... Take it in turns to offer each other a relaxing foot massage, ensuring that both of you benefit from receiving its stimulating and simultaneously soothing effects.

40

RITUALS

1

o F

DEVOTION

2

Cradle each foot between your hands for up to 30

Sweep your hands smoothly several times from the toes

seconds to create a relaxing warmth and the feeling of

up to and around the ankle, gliding your fingers back down

caring tactile connection.

over the foot.

3

4

Supporting the foot, stretch each toe by gripping it

Comp lete the foot massage with feather strokes, drawing

between your thumb and index finger and sliding firmly

your fingertips in soft motions down over the foot and

from the base to the tip.

towards the toes.

41

T

FINDING

T RA N QV ILL I T Y

he tranquillity

and lighting candles, placing

of meditation

them on an altar converted

opens the door

from a low table or box. The

to tantric loving. The

fragrance of certain essential

potential of meditation

oils will enhance the meditative

is the attainment of inner

mood - you could blend three

equilibrium, the focus of

drops of cedarwood, two drops

mind and spiritual

of frankincense and two drops

wholeness. These serene

of rose absolute to produce a

qualities are at the very

spiritually uplifting and heart-

root of tantric sexuality,

opening aroma. Sit comfortably on

which emanates from tranquillity rather than

cushions, with your legs

excitement, and from

crossed and your spine relaxed

harmony not passion.

but erect, shoulders and chest widened, and hands resting on

Set aside time to meditate, either alone

your thighs, palms facing

or together. A meditation

upwards. If you are unable to

teacher can guide you

sit on the floor comfortably, sit

through special breathing

on a chair and ensure your

techniques or you can just

spine remains extended.

sit quietly in the peace of

... By stifling your mind and becoming one with the

Attention to breath is the key

your own home. Dedicate

flow of your breath, a sense of serenity and

to meditation. Close your eyes

an area or, if possible, a

wholeness emerges in your consciousness.

and focus on your breath as it flows steadily in and out of

specific room, purely for

your nostrils. After a while,

meditation and tantric love-making. Choose a quiet time and turn off the

allow your breathing to deepen, and become conscious

telephone, radio and television. Create a conducive

of the rise and fall of your abdomen with each

atmosphere for your meditation by closing the curtains

inhalation and exhalation. Whenever your attention

42

FIN DIN G

wanders back to your thoughts, return

to

T RAN QU I L L I T Y

the

clock can alert you

to

when the meditation period is

awareness of your breath. The more frequently you

over. Take time

meditate, the more you will experience precious

resuming your normal activities.

to

relax for some minutes before

moments of tranquillity and stillness inside yourself. Initially, you may prefer to meditate for short sessions

... Sit and meditate together in a tranquil atmosphere as

of no more than 15 minutes, but later you can extend

a regular practice. This ritual will create greater serenity

the sessions

within your relationship.

to

40 minutes or longer. A muffled alarm

43

FIN 0

I N G

T RAN QU I L L I T Y

AWAKENING ENERGY The more you meditate and the more meditative your

you are more in balance within yourself and with the

love-making becomes, the greater the awakening of

external environment. The healthy functioning of the

energy is within you. You may experience this

chakras, or energy centres, also affects your normal

awakening as a stream of vibrations, similar to an

psychological, emotional and physical health. You

electrical current pulsating within you. If the flow of

are more able to fulfil your potential in matters of

energy within you is blocked, your vitality is

survival, sexuality, power, love, communication,

diminished. If your energy is streaming un impeded,

intellect, intuition and spirituality.
a circuit of energy between you for five minutes. Place your right palm over your beloved's left palm. Imagine that you are receiving energy as you inhale, and sharing it as you exhale.

44

FIN 0

I N G

T RAN QU I L L I T Y

Meditate upon the chakras by directing awareness and breath to their specific locations within your body, and by becoming more sensitive to their subtle vibrations and associated feelings. Go back to the "Chakra Chart" in the Introduction and familiarize yourself with the location and qualities of each chakra. Sit quietly in a meditative posture and focus your breath and awareness on each chakra for approximately three minutes at a time, beginning with the base chakra and moving gradually up towards the crown. Visualize the luminous rainbow colour related to each chakra as your breath connects with it. Complete the meditation by sweeping back down the central channel in your body with your breath until you return to the base chakra. Always take time to rest after a chakra meditation. A potent chakra meditation is to sit body to body in close contact, breathing into each chakra for three minutes as before, beginning with the base chakra and moving up towards the crown, while visualizing

.A. Merging your bodies close together, synchronize your breathing as you

that your energy centres are

focus for three minutes on each chakra. Complete by sweeping your breath

unfolding like the petals of a flower.

back down from the crown to the base chakra.

45

FIN DIN G

T RAN Q U I LIT Y

MERGING SEXUAL ENERGY Tantric loving involves

When you unite sexually on an energetic level, so that

intimacy, connection, stillness and

movement arises spontaneously

merging. As such, it is very

and without effort, love-

different from normal sexual

making can feel almost

behaviour, which is very active

bodiless, as if you are dancing

and sometimes almost aggressive,

and merging together without

involving a lot of "doing",

the barrier of physical form.

stimulation and arousal. Fantasies

This sense of merging is at

are often the driving force behind

the heart of tantric loving

normal sexual excitement, but

because it harmonizes your

they can create a distance between

opposing male and female

you, almost as if you were making

energies, creating the balance

love to a different person. If you

and equilibrium from which

are obsessed with the idea that orgasm is the only proof of good

ecstasy arises.

sex, then your sexual performance

One of the most important tools of tantric love-making is

may become fraught with anxiety

deep and conscious breathing.

and effort. Cultivate stillness in your

Breath is the link between

.... This ancient Hindu sculpture depicts

body, mind and spirit, and it

the ascent of the cosmic Kundalini energy

sexual relationship, allowing

ignites the body's vital energy.

as the divine god and goddess merge in

movement to arise spontaneously

Breathing is an involuntary

sexual ecstacy.

rather than by design. Take time

action, but when you allow it

during love-making to stop and

to become full and conscious

merge with each other by lying

your whole being is more relaxed, your body is more

entwined in each other's arms, breathing deeply together

sensitive and you are more emotionally open. Your

with soft-focus eye contact and savouring every tiny

sexual energies will start to dissolve together when

sensation that vibrates through you. Whenever you feel

you are receptive and responsive to one another in

you are losing the intimacy that bonds you together,

this wa y.

slow down so that you can again fall into harmony.

46

FINDING

~

T RAN QU I LIT Y

Gentle pelvic movements

will keep your lover erect whilst inside of you without over-stimulating him as you lie together in deep communion.

~

Moments of stillness

in your love-making create a space for intimacy to deepen. Through your breathing and your eye contact, you will become more harmonious.

47

FIN DIN G

T RAN QU I L L I T Y

ONENESS WITH NATURE Experiencing oneness

explore the myriad life

with Existence is the

systems that exist within

basic tenet of Tantra.

it, or stroll across a soft

It teaches that we, like

carpet of meadow grass

every manifest aspect of

and search for wild

Nature, are part of

flowers. Sit by a river

Cosmic Creation, which

and listen to the bird

arises from the perfect

song, watching the

and harmonious union

insects dance and buzz

of male and female

above the water.

universal energies. In

Together celebrate the

lovemaking, meditation

power of creation,

and our relationship

feeling yourselves to be

with the external natural

part of its splendour. Become attuned to

environment, we can taste the bliss tha t arises

the five elements of

from such communion.

Existence (earth, water, fire, air and space),

Submerge yourselves in the natural wonder

which, says tantric law,

of Existence by making

are each related to one

a serious commitment

of the first five chakras

to break away from

~

both domestic and work

contact with the elements of Nature.

A walk on the beach together will bring you in close

of the body. According to Eastern tradition, all

responsibilities on a

aspects of life contain

regular basis to

the five elements, and

rediscover together the magic of creation. Go to a

harmony and health are created when they co-exist in

beach on a warm moonlit night; lie and gaze at the

balance with one another. Tantra teaches that ecstatic

stars and listen to the roar of the ocean or the gentle

love-making brings equilibrium to the five elements

lapping of the waves. Walk through a forest and

within our bodies, renewing our vitality and

48

FINDING

T RAN QU I L L I T Y

happiness. When you are out in the natural world with your beloved, be conscious of the elements. Walk barefoot to touch the earth beneath you; bathe in water to refresh both body and mind; let the warmth of the sun kiss your face; allow the breeze to brush your skin and gaze into the emptiness of the sky to see infinity. Carry home with you an awareness of the divine nature of Existence, and as you make love acknowledge that you and your beloved are part of it. ~

The silence of meadows and forests offer a haven of peace

for lovers to enjoy one another's company.

T The majestic beauty of snow-capped mountains can evoke

within you a deep sense of oneness with Existence.

.

', ...

~ "",;.....

~~

"-

ob.-

49

~.

FINDING

THE

T RAN QU I L L I T Y

F lYE SENSES

Tantra teaches that the body is the temple of the

chakras: the base, navel, solar plexus, heart and

spirit, and through its senses you can begin to

throat. By involving your senses fully in your

experience the ecstatic and divine nature of Existence.

interaction with the world around you, and in your

Live life to the full, embracing pleasure and sensuality,

love-making, you increase your capacity for joy.

but at the same time bring awareness into every action

Do not allow your senses to become dulled. Create

that you make.

specific occasions, with or without your partner,

The body's capacity for pleasure is experienced

when you stimulate one particular sense at a time so

through the senses: smell, taste, sight, touch and

that your appreciation of the joys of life, and of each

sound. They are related, in that order, to the first five

other, becomes more acute .

.. Delight in special fragrances and explore the evocative

.. Appreciate your food and drink, eating and sipping

effects on your moods from inhaling the abundant natural

slowly to savour each individual flavour, so that eating and

aromas that surround you.

drinking become a true celebration.

50

FINDING

T RAN QU ILL I T Y


..... Gaze into the flickering flame of a candle in a darkened room, softly focusing on the light. Relax your eyes so that you absorb rather than stare at objects.


51

FIN D I N G

A

T RAN QU I L L I T Y

SANCTUARY OF LOVE

The environment where you choose to make love

to partake in sexual rituals, believing that the

should be considered with great care so that its

external environment exercised a strong influence on

ambience is both sensually and spiritually uplifting.

the state of body, mind and spirit. Colour, materials,

When you go into this area with your beloved, you

aromas, flowers, objects, sound and lighting were

should feel as if you are entering a sanctuary of love,

believed to stimulate the senses and activate the

dedicated to the enhancement of your tantric union.

chakras, so that the tantric lovers became more receptive to each other and to the divine nature of

Tantric disciples in ancient India took great care to select or create a hallowed atmosphere in which

their sexual union .

.... The right choice of materials, perfumes, candles and flowers can create an uplifting love-making environment.

52

FIN DIN G

T RAN QU I L L I T Y

Create your love nest tenderly and with care so that its atmosphere supports and heightens the whole experience of your love-making. Remove any clutter and unsightly objects from the room and from under the bed. Cover the bed with soft natural fabrics in colours that are warm, earthy, romantic and pleasing to your eye. Or drape soft material around the bed to create an inner sanctum. Tantric colours are traditionally ochre, red and orange, which are said to stimulate sexuality. Fill the space with soft pillows and large cushions on which you can relax, or use to support your bodies comfortably.

Light candles to bathe your skin in their gentle glow, and perfume the air with essential oils in an aroma burner, using a blend of aphrodisiac and spiritually uplifting scents. Place beautiful flowers on an altar dedicated to your love for each other. Add objects that are romantically meaningful to you both alongside them. Music may help to inspire your mood, relaxing and opening you up to each other. Try to keep this tenderly created space exclusively for your meditation and love-making rituals. ~

This Indian artwork from c. 1800 depicts a

love chamber which was especially prepared for the romancing couple.

53

C

o IVI N E

LOVE-MAKING

ommit yourselves to

feel fresh, purified and

your love-making,

sensually enlivened. Sit

ensuring that it is

within your room and

central to your lives as a

meditate together to acquire

couple. Even when you feel

a sense of inner peace and

overloaded with other

harmony with each other.

responsibilities, make a

Enjoy a small meal of

conscious choice to nurture

delicious snacks and fruits,

your sexual relationship.

beautifully arranged on a

Consider it to be of primary

tray, and feed each other

importance to your physical,

titbits to stimulate your

emotional and spiritual

taste buds. Offer each other

development together.

a glass of wine or fresh fruit

Tantric love-making is an

juice to sip from to celebrate

invitation for the sacred to

the occasion. If you desire,

enter into your sexual union.

you can massage each other,

It is a ritualized act, inspired

perhaps a foot or a face

by the consciousness that you

massage, or one of you can

are evoking the essential

offer a whole-body massage

divinity within yourse lf and

to the other.

within your lover.

Lie still and entwined

Organize your times for

with each other,

tantric love-making carefu ll y,

harmonizing your breathing

so that yo u do not feel that

and allowing your bodies to

you ha ve to rush. Prepare

melt together. Kiss and

your tantric space so it is

.. Take the time to acknowledge the sacred

warm, perfumed, aesthetic

gift of love that you will both contribute to

your caresses touch over the

and welcoming. Bathe and

the sexual act.

whole body to gently

anoint your bodies so they

stroke each other so that

awaken the sexual energy.

54

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I V I N E

LOVE - MAKING

Perceive in each other the image of a god and goddess

your sexual energy moving up through each chakra

so that every touch is one of reverence. Honour one

with each exhalation of breath. Return to stillness

another's bodies as the gateway to the divine,

whenever one of you becomes over-excited and

bestowing kisses on the most intimate areas as if in

release all thoughts of a goal to this love-making

an act of worship . Relax into the warm surge of

session. Orgasm mayor may not happen, but it is no

sexual arousal, breathing deeply into your pelvic area

longer the purpose of your sexual encounter. Instead,

and letting the sensations course up through your

you are meeting and merging in an act of deep and

entire body away from the genital areas. Visualize

divine communion . ... Tantric love-making is a ;oyous exploratIOn of your physical and spiritual nature.

55

D I V I N E

LOVE - MAKING

THE MAN'S CONSCIOUS PASSION As the male, you must learn to moderate your sexual

headlong into a whirlpool of excitement. Instead try

excitement so that you can retain control of your

to remain in the moment, intimately connected to

arousal levels and thus avoid ejaculation, at least

your partner. Focus on your lover as the goddess of

until a moment that is mutually satisfying for

your dreams, so that your caresses adore every part

yourself and your partner. You must make love to

of her body. Relax into this "plateau" level of

your lover selflessly, ensuring that she reaches

arousal, consciously staying

the full potential of her sexual satisfaction.

below the threshold of

Avoid losing yourself

orgasm and dissolving

in fantasy or

into a deep state of

rushing

relaxed sensuality.

... When your passion overheats, stop thrusting and become still. Lifting your head, steady your breath and focus your thoughts.

56

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Regain your control and

equilibrium whenever you become over-excited. Hold each other closely and breathe deeply together.

~

Try and explore different

positions that help you retain control. When your lover raises her legs on to your shoulders, you are able to penetrate deeply without becoming overstimulated.

57

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LOVE - M A K I N G

rest at the opening of your lover's vagina until you regain your equilibrium. Hold each other tightly and breathe together. Tantra teaches that the woman's vaginal juices give strength to the man, so as you relax together in this position imagine that you are absor~ing

her secretions into yourself. Resume deep

thrusting only when you have gained control over your arousal level. The advanced yogic techniques of traditional tantric disciples require years of dedicated discipline and guidance from an accomplished teacher. However, a few of the semen-retention techniques can be adapted into your love-making. Like many Eastern traditions, Tantra is aware of the energy body and the pathway of its meridians . It suggests applying pressure on certain meridian points to steady the mind, cool the passions and avoid early ejaculation. If you feel close to ejaculation, arch your spine, lift your head upwards and breathe deeply, at the same time applying pressure with the index and middle finger of your left hand on to the area between your scrotum and anus, thus inhibiting the ... With her body compact and her feet pressed against your

flow of semen from the prostate gland. Another

heart chakra, she can surrender herself to your strength and

technique is to press your tongue against the roof of

masculine presence.

your mouth while steadying your thought and breath , or to roll up your tongue and use it like a straw to

Cool your passion by slowing down movement,

draw in cooling air.

closing your eyes, inhaling steadily through your

Feel confident in your masculinity and strength,

nostrils and focusing your thoughts on your breath

for to your lover you should become like a god to her

or some other fixed point. Avoid panting as this will

goddess. Yet also allow the soft, sensual and more

lead to loss of control. Be aware of your patterns of

sensitive aspect of your sexual nature to emerge, so

thrusting, and if over-aroused withdraw your penis to

that the more feminine side of yourself integrates

58

D I V I N E

LOVE - MAKING

with your maleness. Learn to surrender yourself

as the man, to stay in greater control of your orgasm.

to your lover's orgasmic nature, allowing her the

Do not over-emphasize these techniques, otherwise

freedom to express herself, and dedicate yourself

your love-making will become wooden and

to her happiness.

unspontaneous. The ability to stay naturally in the

Experiment with different love-making positions

"plateau" phase of love-making becomes easier the

that bring pleasure to you both but that enable you,

more it is practised. Your body and mind will adapt to a whole new way of sexual response so that love-

T The "spoons " position of love-making is perfect for times

making increasingly functions from a meditative and

of stillness and merging during sexual union. Gentle

relaxed state of being rather than from titillation,

movements of the pelvis will ensure the man remains erect.

excitement and tension.

59

D I V I N

THE

E

LOVE - MAKING

SEXUAL POWER OF A WOMAN lover, assisting him to prolong his love-making. Do

Tantric loving is very liberating and affirming to your femininity and to your sexuality as a woman. In

not be afraid to assert yourself sexually, adopting the

tantric tradition, the woman is perceived as the

superior position. Sit astride him while he submits to

creative instigator of sexual energy and the medium

you and lies inert on his back. Take charge of the

through which it is transformed into ecstasy.

depth of penetration and the movements so that he can focus on his breath and inner stillness.

Your sexual happiness and fulfilment should be

Channel your orgasmic energy upwards to vibrate

of utmost importance. Your body is to be revered for, according to Tantra, it is the divine instrument of

through your whole body. Relax and breathe deeply

sacred sex. No part of your body can be considered

into the sensations, moving your body and emitting

embarrassing or

the sounds and sighs that

shameful, for in Tantra

arise naturally in you.

your vulva and vagina

Visualize your sexual

are the heavenly gates to

energy ascending

the journey of bliss, and

through every chakra,

your secretions are the

each one unfolding like

nectar that brings

the petals of a flower.

harmony and balance

Fall into moments of

between yourself and

stillness and silence with

your lover. Your

your lover, holding him

orgasmic nature is

close and cherishing him.

celebrated in tantric

Surrender yourself to

loving, for it is

him, and honour his

recognized that a woman

sexual organs, touching

is likely to gain in energy

and kissing his genitals

as she climaxes. Tantra

as if in an act of worship. Acknowledge

allows you to be as orgasmic as you wish so

,.. Be wild, untamed and ecstatic but remain conscious

him as the divine male

long as you stay aware

of his arousal level.

principle within your love-making.

and connected with your

60

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LOVE - MAK I NG

Clasping his thighs

between yours, tighten and pulsate your vaginal muscles to help maintain his erection while you attune deeply to one other.

~

If you are supple

enough, arch your whole body backwards and breathe deeply to open up the chakras to the rising orgasmic energy.

61

DIVINE

LOVE - MAKING

ECSTATIC LOVE-MAKING The key to ecsta tic love-making is in the sense of

Consequently, your own bi-polar energies are unified.

merging, whereby you feel as if the two of you are

In tantric love-making, your aim is to absorb your orgasmic energy into yourself so that it ascends towards

one body, one soul and one flowing stream of energy.

the crown chakra, which

You are in such a deep state of union that

is traditionally the seat of

there appears to be

tantric bliss. Even if the

no distinction between

concept of energy,

your male and female

chakras and altered

entities. It is as if your

consciousness is not

female lover has

meaningful to you, the

integrated into you,

stillness and meditation

the man, and your male

that you have introduced

lover has dissolved into

into your love-making

you, the woman. By

will itself create a sense

becoming so attuned

of harmony and joy that

to one another, you

both of you will be able

will begin to experience

to experience. Certain sexual

within your own body the sensations that your

positions are favoured

partner is feeling. This

by Tantra to create

means that not only

ecstatic and meditative

are you making love

love-making. When you

to your external lover,

both assume a sitting

but in doing so you

position and your spines

are able to connect to

... Make love in the classic tantric position of "Yab-

are erect, the pose helps

your own inner male or

Yum", where the woman sits on her partner's lap, and

the man to moderate his

female aspect, so that

gently moves her pelvis as she enters into the state of

passion. Your postures

you can become whole

sexual ecstasy.

are equally balanced and neither of you is

within yourself.

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D I V I N

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LOVE - MAKING

taking the dominant or submissive role. Energy can

making except to touch the sacred in one another.

flow easily upwards through the spine and yo u are

Orgasm mayor may not happen, but if you have

attuned to each other chakra by chakra. Breathing

allowed its vibrant energy to transport yo u to

together, swaying gently and melting body to body,

another realm of sexual consciousness and now wish

allow a feeling of benediction to descend on you.

to surrender to its powerful pulsations, let go

Remember, there is no goal to achieve in your love-

together into its blissful release .

... Surrender yourself entirely to one another in your

... After love-ma king, rest peacefully together so that you

love-making so that you become one body, one soul and

remain intimately connected wh ile you return slowly to

one flowing movement of joyous energy.

your own sense of self.

63

INDEX aromatics, 25-9 arousal, 18-23,56-9

14-15 energy, 44-7,60,62,63

meditation, 42-5

Picture Credits

merging sexual energy,

The publishers would

46-7

environment, 52-3

like to thank the

bathing, 28

equilibrium, 12-13

meridians, 58

following for supplying

body language, 14, 15

eroticism, 20-3

music, 51, 53

photographs:

essential oils, 25-9, 42 etheric body, 10

Nature, 48-9

Existence, 48-9, 50 orgasm, 8,46,55,56, face massage, 38-9

58,60,63

fan strokes, massage, 34-5

penis, 22

fantasies, 17, 46

perfumes, 25-9

feathering, massage, 34 rituals of devotion, 24-41

female eroticism, 20-1 breasts, 36, 37

foot massage, 40-1

breathing, 42-3, 46

foreplay, 19-23

Dinodia Picture Agency, semen, retention of, 8,56,58

candles, 29, 30, 42, 51,53 chakras,10-11,45,48, 50,52,55,60,62,63

harmony, 12-13

senses, 50-1

Tony Stone Images

sight, 50

p.48, p.49 (tr) and (b);

smell, sense of, 50

e.t. archive p. 24, p. 53;

stillness, 46

Mary Evans Picture

honesty, emotional, 14-15

Library p.8 (I); Kundalini, 7, 10,46

clitoris, 20

Tantra, 6, 7

Ancient Art and

taste, sense of, 50

Architecture Collection

love-making, 54-63

touch, 30-1, 50

p.9 (t).

male eroticism, 22-3

vagina, 20, 60

ejaculation, retention of, 8,56,58 emotional honesty,

(br), p.46;

hearing, sense of, 50

circle strokes, massage, 34-5

Bombay p.6 (m), p.l0

massage, 29, 30-41, 54

64

THE

NEW

LIF E

LIBRARY

THE TANTRIC WAY OF LOVING • How to adapt the ancient teachings of Tantra to reach greater levels of emotional intimacy and sexual ecstasy • Prepare your own temple of delight and dedicate yourselves to unlocking your full sexual potential • Use rituals of devotion to adore and honour each other • Sensual rituals and sexual techniques show you how to prolong your lovemaking • Illustrated throughout with stunning colour photographs

9 781840 389722 Cover printed in Singapore