Three to Get Ready

Three To Get Ready Tere Michaels

Chicago cop Nick watches his roommate, best friend and secret crush Riley marry the intriguing Lily. He has no idea of Riley’s true feelings for him, or the fact that Lily knows and accepts them. Dominant Lily wants to give her beloved everything he needs in bed and beyond, even if that means quiet and controlled Nick. Deep down, she suspects the equally dominant Nick is someone she may need as well. Lily pushes a physical encounter and no one is prepared for the intensity of their feelings and desire. Sex—in every combination possible—is the easy part. The conflict comes when each panics over their increasing emotional connection in their own way. Lily needs control, Nick fears commitment and Riley doesn’t feel he deserves two amazing lovers. And when a stranger threatens their relationship, their careers…and their lives, Riley, Lily and Nick will need to rely on each other like never before.

Ellora’s Cave Publishing

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Three to Get Ready ISBN 9781419934872 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Three to Get Ready Copyright © 2011 Tere Michaels Edited by Briana St. James Cover art by Syneca Electronic book publication August 2011 The terms Romantica® and Quickies® are registered trademarks of Ellora’s Cave Publishing. With the exception of quotes used in reviews, this book may not be reproduced or used in whole or in part by any means existing without written permission from the publisher, Ellora’s Cave Publishing, Inc.® 1056 Home Avenue, Akron OH 44310-3502. Warning: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. No part of this book may be scanned, uploaded or distributed via the Internet or any other means, electronic or print, without the publisher’s permission. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000. (http://www.fbi.gov/ipr/). Please purchase only authorized electronic or print editions and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted material. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated. This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously. The publisher and author(s) acknowledge the trademark status and trademark ownership of all trademarks, service marks and word marks mentioned in this book. The publisher does not have any control over, and does not assume any responsibility for, author or third-party Web sites or their content.

THREE TO GET READY Tere Michaels

Three to Get Ready

Chapter One Chicago, Illinois

Riley Landon parked his bike in the driveway of the brownstone, cursing Chicago rush-hour traffic, his lack of independent wealth to recuse him from the daily grind, and Wednesdays in general. They claimed it was Mondays but really—hump day was universally out to get you. He locked his motorcycle and gave his usual quick glance up and down the street before gathering up his messenger bag and helmet. It was still a nice neighborhood, an old-fashioned suburb, a mixture of renovating young professionals and longtime residents who still took pride in their homes. But it never hurt to check. Paranoia—courtesy of his childhood’s disreputable home life and living with a cop for five years. When he was assured it was “all clear”, Riley shuffled up the walkway to the front door and checked the mailboxes: bills, flyers, bills, union shit, bills—clearly there was a theme. He didn’t even have time to get his keys out before the roar of Nick’s pickup truck filled his ears. The oversized truck stopped just short of the back of Riley’s bike with an exaggerated squeak of its tires, and if he had a free hand he would have totally given his best friend-roommate the finger. “Hey, you’re early,” he called, waiting patiently for Nick to unlock the door. “It’s seven twenty,” Nick Zorcov said, getting out of the truck with his tie and keys in one hand and a bag of takeout in the other. “In what world is that early?” Twelvehour shift as a detective sergeant and he still managed to look like a silver fox model in a dark-blue suit and shiny shoes. Bastard. “If that’s Cuban food, I love you.” “What if it’s Italian?” “I still find you an acceptable roommate and will begrudgingly eat my entire portion.” Nick came up the walkway and smacked Riley in the back of the head with his tie. For a tall guy—just over six foot one—Nick wasn’t usually a douche bag when it came to Riley’s smaller stature. Mostly because he knew Riley could take him. So long as Nick wasn’t armed, and maybe had a fever. “It’s Cuban,” he said as he unlocked the door, giving Riley a wave to go first. “You’re a superstar, Sarge,” he drawled.

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Nick made a face. “You sound like an idiot.” “Better to sound like one than be one.” “That doesn’t even make sense!” The bickering took them up the stairs and into the kitchen. The most domestic noncouple on the planet, thought Riley. “Lily coming over tonight? I got enough food to share.” They were both changed into casual sports-team-logoed sweats, and had gone about the process of setting the coffee table with drinks, silverware and containers of fragrant food. “Lots of vegetarian options at Little Cuba, huh?” Riley smirked as he settled into his usual spot—left side of the couch, two throw pillows. “Uh…rice?” “Cooked with lard.” “Right. So hopefully the answer to my question is no.” Riley opened the top of his beer bottle. “She’s got a late client and then some reports to write.” His fiancée worked at the mediation department of the tenth circuit court with office hours that made his and Nick’s look positively part time. Nick settled into his side of the couch—right side, no pillows—commandeering the remote. As he was the purchaser of all the high-end electronics in their three-floor brownstone—which also belonged entirely to Nick—Riley never made a move on the remote unless Nick offered. It was a sign of respect, like kissing the Godfather’s ring. Cuban sandwich plated and on his lap, Riley sank back into the heavy leather couch. Victim’s Services ran crazy on a good day but like every manic Wednesday he could remember in the past five years, this one produced over-the-top levels of drama. His whole body thrummed with leftover pent-up energy even as he imagined he could drift off to sleep in a second. “Pre-season hockey?” “Whatever.” It didn’t mean anything but it was mindless and easy to fall asleep to. “Tired?” “I think I’m getting old.” Nick smirked as he worked on his pork, plantains and rice dish. “Hang on—I need to get my phone. I’d like for that to be my ringtone from now on.” Riley drank his beer then tore his oversized sandwich into sections. “I will refrain from mentioning how much older than me you are.” “Yes, but I wear it well,” Nick pointed out. “You can wear it anyway you want. I’m still in my thirties and you are pushing fifty.” “Forty one is not fifty.” 6

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“It’s closer than thirty four is.” Riley was triumphant. Nick mumbled an insult around his fork. They were an odd pair, he and Nick. Casual work friends who became roommates and eventually best friends or at least whatever the macho “we don’t talk about that emotional shit” version of that was. There was a serious case of hero worship on Riley’s side of the couch and other things—bigger, stronger, more intense than that—that he didn’t really poke at unless he was maudlin, drunk or safely with his beloved Lily. Nick, on the other hand, took care of Riley like the semi-charity case he was and never complained—much. Or suggested he thought about things other than what an awesome roommate and friend Riley was. Nick might like guys but Riley was clearly Not His Type—in an unspoken way. Status quo. The norm. Riley’s most normal span of time ever. They ate in companionable silence, occasionally exchanging comments on stupid refereeing calls and the standings. Another typical evening.

***** “Hi, how was work?” Riley asked from underneath the covers. Lily buzzed him when she got in and he lifted himself out of the food/work/beer coma settling behind his eyes in order to talk to her—because six hours was too long already. “Utter and complete bullshit with tears,” came the sarcastic reply. Lily sighed and he heard the sounds of her in the kitchen. He imagined her making tea in the tiny galley of her studio, puttering around to keep everything in its appointed place. Soon though—very soon—they would be having this nightly conversation in their house, in bed, together. As married people. It made him stupidly happy. “You made someone cry?” “Ha.” She didn’t deny it. “Don’t come into my office unprepared and seriously, don’t call me sweetheart—I mean Jesus Christ.” Tired she may be but if you wound her up even a tick, Lily could go all night. “I bet they’re sorry now,” he said admiringly. “Very, very sorry.” Lily was smug. “How about you? Was your Wednesday very Wednesday?” “Terminally so.” “Sorry, baby.” “Eh. Nick fed me Cuban and let me touch the remote. It was special.” Lily cooed. “I wish I had a photo for my screensaver.” There was something wicked underlying in her tone about how she said it and Riley blushed, pressing his face to the cool side of the pillow. “Perv.” 7

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“Did you sit on the couch together?” “Lllllllllily,” he groaned. “Did you watch him out of the corner of your eye? Was he wearing that tight black T-shirt that makes you uncomfortable?” “I’m hanging up,” he mock threatened, but it was a lie because Riley didn’t hang up until Lily told him to. It’s just the way it was. “Poor baby. I’m not there and Nick showered you with attention tonight. You’re probably climbing the walls,” Lily said softly and it could have been mean but it wasn’t. It was sweet and compassionate and he loved her to ridiculously high pinnacles of emotion. “Frustration never killed anyone,” Riley murmured, tented under the blankets, in a dark and private place. Only Lily came here with him. Ever. Lily started to say something, aborted it into a sigh and then tried again. “You could…” “No,” he said lovingly. Firm. “No, I couldn’t.” “As long as you know I’m not stopping you,” she said gently and Riley melted a little more into the bed. He didn’t understand why the universe had blessed him with this woman, who would listen to his pining bullshit over his male roommate and not blink an eye. “And I know it’s all complicated and I know you’ll never say anything because you’re a stubborn asshole but I’m really glad you told me.” “Lying wouldn’t do me much good,” he pointed out. “No, it wouldn’t. But sometimes I think you do it just to get in trouble.” The purr unlocked something in Riley’s spine. He inched down a little lower on the bed, his hand sneaking toward the button fly of his jeans. “Maybe. Maybe I like having your attention on me like that.” His voice had gotten deeper too. He knew she could hear his tone change, he knew she was tracking his hand as it inched closer to the growing bulge between his legs. “Maybe you like my attention and thinking about Nick at the same time?” Riley moaned. “It’s okay, baby, I know,” she soothed and he wished she were here right now. “I know everything about you, and it’s all okay. I love it.” Some women would have freaked the fuck out when they discovered their boyfriend’s deepest darkest secret fantasy was his male roommate. Some women would have fled before that, having found out his main huge turn-on was a dominant, dirtytalking woman with a strap-on. Lily—being a dominant, dirty-talking woman—didn’t run. She tied him to the bed on their second date and made fantasy number one come true. Falling in love with her open acceptance of every dark corner of his psyche didn’t take much longer than that. They were soul mates.

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She was talking in his ear now, a stream of tenderly cooed filth about Riley and a four-poster bed and those heavy ropes and the big strap-on and Riley already had his hand down his pants, stroking himself in time with her dulcet dirty tones. “Gonna fuck you this weekend,” she promised, throwing in a sultry exhalation that almost sent him over the edge. “Hard and fast and you’re going to tell me how much you want it…” “Want…it…” he gasped, waiting on the edge for her permission. “Now? You want it now? Maybe I should drive over and fuck you while Nick’s down the hall… How would you like that baby?” There was a demanding edge now and Riley started to gasp and stroke harder and pray that Nick had fallen asleep or gone to his room or suddenly gone deaf. “Yesyesyes,” Riley chanted, and when she laughed he squeezed the base of his cock in terror of coming too soon. “I’m going to do that. I’m going to fuck you while he’s in the brownstone.” Lily licked her lips, and he knew that because he heard the wet flick of her tongue and her mouth and he could imagine it perfectly. “Please,” he begged, for the promised act and for release now. “Yes, baby, for you—anything. Come on now, let me hear you.” He was quiet but she no doubt heard every sobbed moan and muted groan as he jerked off the last few strokes and spilled over his hand. It took a long time, almost to the point of pain, until he came back to himself and heard Lily humming through the line. “Feel better?” she cooed and Riley laughed weakly. “I’m amazed by your ability to distract me with phone sex.” “Some women bake, some women fondle your ego—I make you come whenever I want.” He loved when her voice did that. He loved when she made him lose control. He loved her so much it scared him. “Among other things,” he added, not wanting her to think it was all about sex. “You’re so sweet.” Lily blew him a kiss through the line. “I really am going to make you see stars Saturday, after you help me pick out linens for the reception…” Riley was cleaning himself off with tissues and held the phone between his chin and shoulder. “This is the compromise part of our relationship, right?” “Uh huh.” Lily’s smirk was audible. Riley was impressed. “If you don’t complain, well—I have a surprise.” Riley dropped the tissues in the basket beside his desk—then covered the mess with a bunch of crumbled lists he meant to clean up earlier. Clearly he was going to be taking out the trash tonight.

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“Is this a surprise I’ll need several hours of rest time after? And possibly an IV of fluids?” “I’m pretty sure having 9-1-1 on speed dial will be prudent,” Lily giggled, that dominant voice disappearing into her amusement. “I’m serious. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner.” “Tell me.” “Nope.” “Pleeeeease?” “That is so not your best begging voice.” Riley’s cock twitched mildly then lay back down in exhaustion. “True but I’m thinking I might save the best for when we’re together.” “Hmmm…” Lily’s voice morphed into a soft gentle whisper. “I love you, Riley, so much.” His heart did a little pivot and tilt, like it was dancing in his chest to a lusty tango. “I love you too. More than anything.” No matter how much his feelings for Nick were nothing short of fucked-up, he meant what he said to Lily with all his heart. The subject was dropped and Lily whispered all the dirty things she’d do to him through the line until Riley fell asleep.

***** Thursday didn’t just want to match the craziness of Wednesday—it wanted to summarily beat it to a pulp and take the crazy crown. When the workday hit ten hours and there was a chair thrown through his office door by an angry visitor—well, it was time to go the fuck home. Of course first there was a police report to file, then a call to office services to replace the door and clean up the mess, and finally an emergency meeting with his boss and two others in the office to arrange for a restraining order to be filed on behalf of their visitor’s understandably frightened ex-wife. The workday hit thirteen hours and Riley felt turned inside out. Riley kicked through the front door of the brownstone at half past eight with hunger gnawing at his stomach like an angry parasite. Lack of food and an abundance of anxiety burned through him; his childhood made him compassionate at his job but it also meant moments of up-close violence and out-of-control behavior hit a little too close to home. He could hear voices at the top of the stairs, maybe the television? But no. Nick was talking to someone. Laughing animatedly with someone. He paused midway, adjusting his helmet and bag, wearily wondering if he should turn around and drive to the diner around the corner. He wouldn’t get any rest, but at

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least there would be food and Riley didn’t have to deal with the odd sensation of Nick with a date. He’d never brought anyone to the house—ever—but maybe he was starting now. Riley’s stuff was slowly migrating into boxes—the closing of the house was set for two days before the wedding and they’d be moving him and Lily in the next day. Nick would have privacy. For dates. Maybe Nick would start introducing them to people he went out with. Maybe there’d be double dates. He wanted Nick to be happy, happy the way he was with Lily—but the thought of Nick with someone else made him uncomfortable, and a little sad. He didn’t think he was making noise but his confused musings were interrupted by a voice calling his name. “Did you fall asleep on the stairs? Get up here,” Nick called and Riley had no choice but to trudge the rest of the way up. Lily greeted him at the top. “Oh baby, you look run over,” she said, reaching to take everything from his hands. “Lenny called. What a fucking day, right?” The familiar flush rushed to the surface of his skin as he ducked his head. Riley loved when Lily took care of him—in every way possible—but in front of Nick it felt like exposing something private. He imagined Nick might make excuses to go to his room but no. He was standing there, taking the helmet from Lily and hanging it on the hook by the door, collecting Riley’s messenger bag, laying it on the floor at the base of the coat rack and then heading for the kitchen, his expression determined. “Dinner in like ten, okay?” he called as Lily stripped Riley’s jacket and tapped the pointy tip of her heels against his boots. “Off. Go wash up.” Her voice was kind but stern and something in Riley’s spine unhitched as he nodded. He kissed her then, leaning up to close the few inches that differentiated their heights. She let him lead the kiss, opening her mouth only slightly when he deepened it, his hands rubbing up her arms, the silk of her blouse feeling heavenly against his palms. Even after a long day she smelled like fresh flowers, her thick blonde hair slicked back into a bun. “The man said dinner in ten,” Lily smiled when they angled apart. “Let us take care of you, okay?” He nodded because he didn’t have an answer to that offer. Or at least one he could voice. They ended up on the couch, the usual tableau of Nick and Riley fleshed out with Lily, eating pasta and drinking wine while some ghost investigation reality show droned on in the background. Riley felt exhaustion pushing him into the cushions

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before he finished half a plate. Nick rescued it from the rug as his hands tipped to one side and Riley was summarily laid out between Nick and Lily with military precision. His head in Lily’s lap, legs angled just short of Nick’s thigh. When Nick lowered the light, Riley didn’t even pretend he wasn’t all but purring under Lily’s soothing hand against his back. The low level erotic buzz under his skin was the only thing keeping him conscious; he couldn’t switch off the ache deep down, the one itching to crawl into Lily’s lap and pleasure her. The yearning for Nick’s hands to join in, to touch him… He breathed in the scent from his beautiful Lily and tried to ignore the hint of Nick bleeding through. Because that way lay madness.

***** A few hours later—after his impromptu rest on the couch between Nick’s heat and Lily’s softness and those faint feelings of sweet torture mixed with bone-deep satisfaction—Riley walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel to find Lily lying on her stomach, snug under the blankets. “You’re staying over?” Riley asked, unable to keep the pleasure off his face. Their careers made weekdays generally off limits when it came to sharing the same bed. They tended to get distracted and forget to sleep. “Mmmhmm. I think I’ve been neglecting you,” she said, rubbing her hand in circles on the pillow next to her head. “Never.” Riley shook his head. The towel was quickly dispensed into the hamper in the closet. His room was small and orderly erring to the OCD side of the spectrum. Lily in his room, Lily—all lush and blonde and perfect—was all the disorder and decoration he could ever need in his life. “In a few weeks you’ll be officially mine and I get to have you forever.” She sat up, the blankets falling aside to expose her bare breasts, coy and confident at once. “I can’t wait,” Riley said with the utmost sincerity. He sat on the bed and touched her shoulder. Gentle little circles. Reverent. Lily moved the covers and Riley slid in next to her, molding his body to hers. Everything was warm and hazy, a combination of the stressful day, the almost unbearably perfect evening and this moment—with Lily here and focused on him like a laser. “Lie back, let me take care of you,” she said, sweet and gentle as she brushed his hair from his eyes. Everywhere she touched produced a jolt of electricity. She moved slowly over him, flowing like a wave over his skin. She rubbed her body against his, her mouth a tease against his lips—a flick of the tongue, a hint of lip against lip but never quite committing to a kiss. 12

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Riley let himself fall under her spell, tuning everything from his mind but Lily. He couldn’t imagine the luck he’d fallen into, that this amazing woman had chosen him.

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Chapter Two Riley Landon and Lily Henshaw invite you to celebrate their joyful union… Nickolas Zorcov toyed with the pale green wedding invitation on the table. He’d been counting down to this innocuous Saturday in September as carefully as the bride and groom, but for entirely different reasons. Riley’s last day in the brownstone. His wedding day. He could hear his best friend and roommate in the shower as he sat in the kitchen, drinking his third cup of coffee. He hadn’t slept much, hyper-aware of the implications of this day. What he felt for Riley was huge. It filled such a large place in his heart he didn’t think he would ever get over the feeling of missing the biggest opportunity of his life. But then again Nick wasn’t a man to dwell for too long; he didn’t focus on what had gone wrong in his life. He didn’t bemoan being over forty and divorced twice, childless, a little black book that existed primarily in his head, full of men and women who didn’t stick around for long. Woe is me never got anyone anywhere and Nick had come too far from too little to regret. So this was acceptance. Riley had no idea of Nick’s true feelings. Riley loved Lily. Lily knocked the concept of great right out of the park—Nick couldn’t think of one thing to fault her for. Hell, if he’d met her first—and if he was looking for an actual relationship—which he wasn’t—no, there was nothing wrong with Lily at all. Except she was getting what he really wanted. Not that he was dwelling. He finished his coffee, tidied up the kitchen and prepared to be the best man.

***** Nick drove them both to the church; Riley his usual twitchy over-thinking self in the passenger seat, and Nick, as best man, playing rock-steady support system even as tension wrecked his body. They babbled about the unseasonably warm weather blessing Chicago this fall, and Lily, and the White Sox, and the Costa Rican honeymoon, and the traffic, until a tickle plagued Nick’s throat and he had to stop to reach for the bottle of water in the truck’s cup holder. “Man, I don’t know what I’d have done without you this morning,” Riley said, laughing nervously as they pulled up to the tree-lined street where the Unitarian church sat. His fingers tapped against the passenger door his muscular body a coiled

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wire of tension under the snazzy black tux. “Probably still be in the bathroom trying to figure out this tie.” “That excuse only really works for bow ties you have to tie yourself,” Nick said dryly, parking his truck in a spot near the back door. The lot was already half full and he spotted several of their mutual friends from the station house and Victim’s Services, milling around the front of the building. The reality of the day hit him, rolled him down a hill and then—unsurprisingly—let him get up and keep going. “Hey, I have jitters!” “Want me to take off now? Airport isn’t far.” Nick jingled the keys in his hand, joking but secretly, irrationally—not. Although he knew with sickening clarity that even if Riley chose this moment to declare his undying love, he’d do everything in his power to convince him how perfect Lily was for him, masochistic Boy Scout that he was. “Yeah right.” Riley rolled his eyes and unhooked his seatbelt, quickly moving out of the car as if he didn’t trust Nick to understand he was teasing. “You’re just going to have to get used to the fact that you’re now sans roommate.” Nick pushed down everything he was actually feeling at the moment and sighed dramatically, pocketing his keys and opening the door himself. “I don’t know if I can handle it, man. I mean—bathroom to myself, no hair in the drain…” “Yeah, you don’t have to worry about that much longer,” Riley snickered, smoothing his perfectly groomed healthy head of blond hair in the side mirror. Nick ignored him with a readjustment to his sunglasses and sauntered with an ease he was not feeling in his bones. “Hot water when I want it, no listening to your touchyfeely Brit pop shit on the CD player, hey—no sticky notes reminding me to eat my vegetables and take my vitamins!” “You’re going to eat nothing but takeout from the chicken place, aren’t you?” Riley shook his head as they walked toward the church. “I might waste away to nothing but a grease stain with rickets.” “Well, you’ll come over a lot for dinner. Right?” Riley stopped them before they reached the door his hand on Nick’s arm. “I mean, I know we’re joking around and stuff but you are always welcome with me and Lily.” There was something earnest and nervous on Riley’s face. He looked up at Nick with overly serious pale-blue eyes and an open expression that made Nick irrationally weak in the knees. He was glad for sunglasses, glad for years of training at keeping his emotions in check and not letting anyone know how he was actually feeling. Nick smiled reassuringly and clapped his best friend and roommate—now ex-roommate—on the shoulder. Nick knew he was worried, scared about how they were going to be from now on and afraid because he was the most stable relationship Riley ever had before Lily—and

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he’d been around longer. It was a conversation—one of many—they avoided having for so many years. Through the careful application of dropped hints and casual mentions, Riley knew about the men in Nick’s life. Or rather knew they existed in a theoretical sense. Nick’s private, sexual life remained sanitized to his brother, his small circle of friends, the people he worked with and most especially Riley. And the people he slept with—well, they appreciated the anonymity. He never indicated an interest in Nick that way, despite an equally casual and theoretical mention of a boyfriend in college, didn’t date much at all until Lily got into his face one day at work and fell in a heartbeat. Ultimately it boiled down to being friends—great friends—support systems for one another, for all their own personal hurts and quiet secrets. Nick had plenty of people to sleep with, but only one person who was more family in his heart than Nick’s own twin brother. Nick felt awash with responsibility then; his crush on Riley took a backseat to the genuine feelings between them. He could regret a thousand times over they weren’t lovers but he had to acknowledge and appreciate the fact that Riley loved him fiercely in his own way. “Thanks, man, I mean it. You and Lily are my family.” Riley’s smile was so sincere Nick knew everything was going to be okay. It was enough. It had to be. The church felt cool and quiet, even with the buzz of friends and co-workers talking in anticipation of the big event. Judge Cocker, a good friend of Lily’s from the courthouse, had broken out his best blue suit and black flowing robe—clearly he was enjoying the day already from the way he was glad-handing everyone in the first row. Nick leaned against a wall, smiling now and again at people he knew from the station, from Riley’s office at Victim’s Services, from Lily’s Child Mediation department at the courthouse. Even Riley’s father made it, along with wife number six and a half brother whose name escaped Nick’s memory. It was an agonizing decision, Riley deciding which of his absentee parents to invite. His mother was more likely to cause trouble so the “honor” went to his father. And even then it had been right at the last minute before they received an answer back. Typical. They didn’t bother to sit in the front row, which was good of them; no matter how tied up in knots Nick was at the moment, nothing was allowed to spoil Riley and Lily’s day, especially not any member of Riley’s dysfunctional madhouse of a family. Nick did everything perfectly. He made sure Riley had a hold on the ring before letting go. He clapped the loudest when Judge Cocker pronounced them husband and wife. He made sure that Lily’s trailing skirt didn’t get slammed in the door of the antique car they hired to take them to the docks for the reception. 16

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At the reception, under tents and twinkly white Christmas lights, Nick danced with anyone he could find. It kept him focused on the happiness of the bride and groom, commenting with each dance partner on the “rightness” of their relationship and how lovely they looked, and damn, that was a terrific spread for dinner. They did look right and in love. It helped. It helped Nick smile a bit easier and twirl Donna from Evidence around the dance floor. It helped again when he was called to the microphone and a glass of champagne pressed into his hand. Time for the toast from the best man. Nick pulled it together in a swoop of girding one’s loins that should have earned him both an Academy Award and a Purple Heart. “Thank you all for coming,” he said, leaning forward and down rather than rattling with the height of the microphone. “I know Riley and Lily are happy to have those closest to them here, to share this wonderful day. I—I have to go back to that first meeting. All of us in the courthouse for the Lowendowski trial, and Lily being very…intense.” He paused for dramatic effect. A few bits of laughter from the crowd echoed back as many in the crowd were there that infamous day, and Lily herself covered her face with one hand. “Riley couldn’t stop talking about her.” Nick stopped again, pursing his lips. “I won’t repeat anything he said however.” More laughter. It got a little easier to speak now. “After that momentous first meeting—well, it got harder and harder for Riley to pretend he didn’t notice Lily. He couldn’t stop talking about her but for much more positive reasons. In six years of knowing Riley, five years as his roommate, I never remember anyone impacting him like Lily. When they finally decided to stop dancing around and go out…well, let’s just say I knew from that first night some day I’d be making this toast.” It was probably the most truthful thing he’d said in months. He raised his glass to where the happy couple stood now arm in arm and leaning their heads together. “Riley, Lily—I know everyone here feels the same about the two of you. You’re both smart and dedicated and caring. The fact that you’ve found one another makes everything you are apart…amplified. And we’re all luckier to know you. Every happiness to you both.” Applause rang out as Nick raised his glass; people followed suit and Riley gave Nick a long look before he leaned over to press a kiss to Lily’s mouth. Nick drank down his champagne and ducked out of the spotlight before anyone else could demand more of him. More dancing helped settled his nerves. He spent some time at the corner table with fellow cops and court personnel, shooting the shit, in his element where work was king and owner of most of his time. Then as he rested near the bar, sipping an ice cold beer, a hand brushed against his shoulder and the smile faltered a little. 17

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“Come on, you’ve danced with everyone but me,” Lily drawled, Southern roots loosened by too much to drink, her smile easy and sweet as always but flavored with a lot of champagne and a heavy dose of happiness. She took his hand, leading him to the dance floor as the DJ, an old friend of Riley’s from college, played a slow song. Nick took Lily into his arms, all proper distance and good manners, but she stepped into his personal space with a saucy grin. “Mrs. Landon, I do believe you’re intoxicated,” Nick said lightly, easing her around the other couples who leaned and swayed to the music. He didn’t push the issue of her closeness and felt a buzz of guilt as his body warmed to hers. “What would your husband say?” “He’s the one who reminded me to dance with you,” Lily laughed and a pang echoed in Nick’s middle. “Riley’s watching and mocking my moves, isn’t he?” Lily flashed her big green eyes at him, tossing a tangle of blonde curls over one bare shoulder. “Hmmm,” was her noncommittal response. She leaned against him, humming the music under her breath as she laid her head on his shoulder. “He’s definitely watching.” A little out of his element, Nick let his eyes roam around the dimly lit tent. Night had fallen and even the candles and outside lights couldn’t break the intimate feel of the temporary room right now. He hadn’t drunk much, but the muzzy feeling of booze and the lateness of the hour descended anyway. Then he caught the one pair of eyes he’d been avoiding all night. Riley. Standing at the edge of the dance floor half caught between shadows and light, his tux jacket and tie long abandoned. Riley staring at him, drink in hand, watching him and Lily dance with the strangest expression Nick had ever seen. The only expression that Nick couldn’t immediately categorize or understand in all the time he’d known Riley. Their gazes locked and lingered, Lily’s hips making her satin dress rustle against Nick’s suit. She felt small and delicate in his arms, trusting. It freaked him out. Riley being locked in on their every move didn’t help. Worse yet, Nick’s body betrayed him at a hundred different levels; they were twined together, intimate as lovers, Lily’s breath warm against the side of his neck. Every swaying step connected their bodies groin to groin, and Nick felt the heat swelling on his skin. After every turn, his eyes met Riley’s and nothing changed. Riley never looked away, Nick couldn’t resist seeking out his face. Lily pressed closer, nosing against the line of his neck against the collar of his jacket until Nick choked on his tongue. The song ended and drifted into yet another power ballad. Nick jerked his eyes away from Riley’s and tried to step back to give his “you look so beautiful, I wish you every possible happiness, Riley’s the best friend I’ve ever had” speech but Lily wasn’t moving. “Keep dancing,” she murmured into his shoulder. “Riley’s still watching, isn’t he?” 18

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“Yeah.” Nick’s throat felt tight. “Good.” Incredulous, out of his tightly controlled emotional lockdown, Nick kept his arms around Lily and his eyes back to Riley, riding out the song and the strange wave of emotion in his chest. Lily smelled delicious. Her lithe figure fit against Nick’s larger frame, the tiny roses on her headband brushed against his lips while they danced. He wasn’t dead or blind or so emotionally wrapped up in his feelings for Riley that he didn’t notice how stunning she was—at the moment or over the past two years, when she was wandering around the apartment in just a T-shirt or at the office in her pencil skirts and buttondown shirts. His body hurt all of a sudden, a combination of lust and confusion that tried his steely control violently until the DJ called for everyone to get up and enjoy the last dance of the night. He didn’t say anything to her, no pre-rehearsed speech or platitudes of a man conceding victory—whether she knew it or not. Kissed her cheek, breathed her in and then disappeared into the enthusiastic crowd flooding the dance floor. Twenty minutes later, the catering crew was dismantling tables and the DJ was packing up his gear. Nick had lost his jacket and tie at some point as he helped carry chairs to the caterer’s truck. Yes, he was avoiding Riley and Lily. Yes, he would like to escape this night and this moment and not talk to either one of them until they returned from Costa Rica in ten days. That might be long enough to puzzle out what happened on the dance floor. He was still half hard from touching Lily during their dance and the electric heat of Riley’s glittering blue stare. “Hey, Nick!” someone called and Nick turned to squint through the dark. “Riley told me to come out and find you—they’re leaving and he will not get into the cab until you say goodbye.” It was Terry, a longtime court guard they were all friendly with, shaking his head and clearly laughing at Riley’s antics. He didn’t seem to notice the reticence with which Nick dragged his ass back into the tent. “There he is, God, Nick, stop working for five minutes!” Riley’s voice was a little too loud, a little too boisterous than normal. “We hired people to do that stuff, you know!” Lily clung to his arm, a few of their mutual friends milling about and laughing. The joke was common, rampant among those who knew Nick. Heaven forbid he relaxed for more than a half hour. “I know, I know.” Nick stuck a bright smile on his face, sticking his hands in his pockets. “You guys taking off?” “Off to the hotel then the airport first thing in the morning,” Lily slurred slightly, one hand extended for Nick to take. “Come give us a kiss goodbye.”

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Nick almost swallowed his tongue. Lily had always been friendly to him, affection with sisterly hugs and gentle pats on the arm, but this was—entirely different. And Riley wasn’t saying a damn thing, just watching Nick in a wide-eyed and naked way. “I’m not kissing Riley, even if he did shave,” Nick said lightly, pressing his hand into Lily’s small warm one and stepping into the circle of Riley and Lily’s embrace. “Damn,” Lily said under her breath, then laughed, going up on tiptoes to kiss Nick. He turned his head to give her his cheek but she was faster than he imagined she could be. She pressed her lips against his, longer and softer and more lingering than he ever would have expected. Nothing about Lily tonight was what he expected. When he pulled away, his eyes went directly to Riley’s face, waiting for a punch or a comment or joke or something. But Riley just smiled that ridiculously goofy smile of his. “Thanks for everything, Nick. You’re the best friend a guy could have,” he said quietly, the words weirdly intimate in the little space they were creating between them. “Save it for my eulogy,” Nick said jokingly, mildly terrified and desperate for air. “But yeah, I love you guys. I’m glad you had the perfect day and uh…get going already! Your honeymoon awaits.” He stepped back—or tried to. There was a moment when he couldn’t move. Partially his own body shock, partially the hold Lily had on his arm, partially the feeling of Riley’s body angled so close to his. She started to say something but the crash of glasses from a slippery-handed staff member broke the moment. Nick took the opportunity to dart away, zigzagging through the emptied space until he found his jacket. A few friends called good night but he bolted, walking to his truck without looking back.

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Chapter Three Lily Henshaw Landon was drunk, and not just on champagne. Drunk and married and happy and vibrantly aware of things she’d only suspected before. She read people well. She knew what made them tick, even their unspoken desires. It intrigued her, it attracted her—the idea of getting into someone’s head and giving them what they wanted. What they needed. Humbling way to make you feel powerful that—you allowed a person to set down their guard, speak their innermost desires, ferret out the ones they couldn’t even voice and then you made it happen. So much time spent feeling helpless and then the discovery it was in her to never feel that way again. Powerful. A bit scary. Addictive. And Riley—Riley was her soul mate. She’d felt like a pervert for so long. Hiding her needs and desires in anonymous clubs and one-night stands and strangers who didn’t know her long enough to judge her. When her friends dished about sex, Lily kept her mouth shut. Sometimes, they assumed she was a prude given how little she said on the subject. They were so very, very wrong. Then she met Riley through work, on a terrible day when she was officially on the warpath and anyone in her way was going to get mowed down. Riley went literally nose to nose with her on that day, respectful but absolutely committed to being right— just like she was. This crazy guy—so handsome, so nurturing, yet so intense—three inches shorter, too much gel in his hair and there was no way he was her type, right? Except for the part where he was, where he challenged her and pushed her intellectually and then eventually asked her out for sushi. They just made out in her car that night. When she got a little aggressive and bit his lip, he made this sound of want and concession and Lily’s heart stuttered. Could she really be this lucky? The second date they had Italian, many glasses of wine and five hours later they were in her apartment tearing each other’s clothes off. She took a chance—she liked him so much—so funny, so sweet—and she didn’t want to blow it by revealing herself too much, but when she pushed him on the bed and climbed on top of him he didn’t go macho on her. He didn’t rear a Napoleonic complex in her direction and flip them over, take control like a manly man was supposed to do. He just looked up at her with those pale blue eyes and smiled and…surrendered in complete trust. Lily was lost. 21

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They did a lot that night, under the cover of a buzz and the darkness, and she was sure he would never be able to face her again except— He stayed the night. Kissed her in the morning. Fiddled with her coffeemaker and made oatmeal. Asked her out for that night before he even put on his pants. She couldn’t believe her good luck. And when he eventually whispered his truth to her—that he loved Nick a little, that he wanted Nick a lot—she didn’t panic. She knew he’d never verbalized it before, that she was the only person who’d ever know. She knew—he needed permission to feel these things. Guidance to understand the whys and the needs that boiled up inside him. He needed her. “I love you,” she’d said in return, the first time, fierce and crazy with it. “Thank you.” Making Riley happy, fulfilling his fantasies—it was just pure joy for her. Sometimes they made love, just them, no toys, no fantasies, no props. Sometimes they kissed until they fell asleep and all was right in the world. And sometimes she opened that little bag of tricks and made him fall apart in her arms and it was heaven. Nick was there, in the bedroom, more than once in a while. Or at least the fantasy of him, the projection that Riley insisted didn’t exist in the real world. When she broached the subject of approaching Nick with the truth, giving her love the permission to experience what he so deeply desired, Riley refused to even consider it. He was convinced his best friend wasn’t into “that sort of thing” but Lily—Lily knew people. Lily watched Nick, got to know her boyfriend’s best friend and roommate. She watched him watching Riley and it dawned on her that her beautiful sincere—insecure, uncertain—Riley had it so very wrong. She saw the way Nick held himself, the way he directed people with a certain tone of voice—the one that got his bidding done without argument. She watched him manage Riley’s life without stepping on her beloved’s expansive sense of pride and healthy ego. She even recognized the slightly stereotypical “outfit”—leather pants, a too tight shirt, heavy black boots—and the stern expression of want on Nick’s face on “date night”. Those weren’t dates—those were appointments and that gym bag probably had a bit more than a change of underwear inside. Stalwart Nick was a kinky son of a bitch. And? Nick wanted Riley. He watched him with longing and need. No matter how much he thought he shuttered it away, Lily could see it. She imagined it might bother other women or men but she just felt herself agreeing with him. Who wouldn’t adore Riley? And then tonight? When they were dancing? Lily knew that Nick was attracted to her as well.

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“Come to bed,” Riley said, sprawled across the hotel’s California King, naked and sleepy and far drunker than Lily. He patted the lush silk coverlet. Lily stepped over their discarded clothes, running her hands through her productstiff hair. She wanted a shower and sleep—maybe more champagne—but Riley’s sweet smile and beautifully cut body couldn’t be resisted. “Hello, husband.” Lily smiled and Riley shined back. “My perfect wife,” he murmured, running his hands over her bare legs and stomach, trailing up to trace the shape of her breasts. “Mmmm,” was her only response, letting Riley arrange her sloppily beneath him so he could straddle her waist. He seemed to sober up slightly—and his cock certainly joined the party, hardening against her stomach much to her delight. What Riley lacked in height he made up in length. And…girth. She licked her lips. “Size queen. I see how it is,” Riley hmphed and Lily giggled delightedly. She reached up to pull him down for a kiss, licking into his mouth and nipping at his tongue. They weren’t going to last too long and frankly they were both horny enough to skip foreplay entirely. Riley maneuvered himself between her long legs, pressing her knees open with a hungry expression on his face. She arched up against him and sighed when he sank into her. Every stroke was a step in the race; Lily raked her nails down his chest, pushed back as he thrust his cock deep. She touched his mouth and he licked at her fingers, lapping his tongue against the pads like he was trying to steal her fingerprints. And it wasn’t perfect or coordinated, but God, the way he looked at her, so intensely concentrated she felt like the last woman on earth—when his strokes sped up with a stutter to his hips she reached down and rubbed frantically at the moist place where they were joined. When she came it was with a fierce moan, and when he came, it was to the sound of her name. They didn’t fall asleep right away. Riley lay over her, his head on her stomach. She stroked his hair, his back, sated and satisfied to her bones. “You were watching Nick and me dance,” she said, her mouth running faster than her brain. She felt Riley stiffen against her. “Yeah,” he whispered into her skin. “You liked it.” Not a question. Riley breathed deeply. “Yeah. You just look—you look so good together.” The longing in his voice made her twist inside. “It was nice,” she said, caution coloring her voice. “And he—he kept staring at you.” “I think he was just nervous I would get mad.” 23

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“He knows you better than that.” “You’re my wife. Now it’s different.” She felt his smile. “He adores you, baby—you know that, right?” Lily knew she was leading her husband through a familiar minefield right now. “He’s a good friend.” Riley’s voice got tentative. “He is…but we both know it’s more than that,” she said gently, her fingers soft and soothing at the back of his neck. “It’s just a fantasy.” “It doesn’t have to be.” Silence. Riley turned his head and kissed her stomach tenderly. He moved upward, licking the under swell of her breasts, brushing his lips up her sternum until he hit her mouth. “You’re all I need,” he said firmly. Lovingly. She could see it in his eyes—whatever he felt for Nick didn’t interfere with his love for her. He wasn’t settling. Her heart swelled. “I know,” she whispered back. They kissed, slow and lazy, until they fell asleep. But Lily knew—the seed had been planted. In both of them.

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Chapter Four Honeymooning in Costa Rica was a wonderful idea. Even if their romantic trip in the great wilds of the South American country had been more like four days instead of ten, because four was approximately how many days were dry enough to venture from the hotel. Riley didn’t exactly mind. Their suite was lovely, the bed had its own zip code and appeared to be made from clouds, the restaurant downstairs served delicious vegetarian fare and oh right, the most beautiful woman in the world—his wife—was never out of his sight. They had a lot of sex.

***** Lily didn’t do secrets. In fact, Riley found quite soon after he realized she wasn’t a shrill, demanding, pushy mediator—first impressions on a very bad day aside—that Lily was about the most straightforward person on the planet. She didn’t play games, she didn’t do passive aggressive, she didn’t hold anything back. Lily’s feisty side—her take-charge side—appealed to him, he couldn’t deny it. Everyone at work, all his friends, they joked about the lithe blonde girl with the faint Southern drawl who kept his ass in line, and really, they had no idea. The girl who didn’t take shit from anyone didn’t do it for show. Riley’s entire thirty-four-year life span before he met Lily included a lot of shit, which he had little choice but to take. His biological parents seemed to gravitate to three things—coke, drama and other people more fucked up than they were. Before he turned twelve he’d had four stepfathers, two stepmothers and four Child Services Investigations in two states for “suspicious bruising” that went nowhere. When the step- and half-siblings hit double digits, he stopped counting and caring. Or learning their names. There was never much of a foundation beyond the trifecta of bullshit his parents wove into a life. Riley took care of himself pretty much single-handedly past diaper age, dodging shady friends in bad neighborhoods, new daddies, overly friendly “uncles”, a frequently absentee biological father and his mother’s chemically induced moodswings. But the library was quiet and had hidden corners, the gym at the high school had a dodgy lock he could pick and a fully equipped weight room, and the Unitarian church always kept crackers and juice in the kitchen. He survived.

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He was sitting on the balcony of a honeymoon suite in Costa Rica while his gorgeous, bright, angel of a wife got ready for a trip out to dinner. Back home there was a house, a good job. Nick. No, it was more than survival—Riley had succeeded.

***** The cabbie dropped them at a place Lily heard about from a friend. Riley overtipped and slipped out of the beat-up car first, scanning the street for pickpockets or imminent danger before helping Lily out. She rolled her eyes but let him shield her as they walked up the stairs to the bright red door. “You hang around cops too much,” she laughed in his ear, her hands low on his hips then rubbing across his ass. Riley knew she was in a mood and the anticipation made him lightheaded. “Gotta make sure my wife is okay.” He kissed her neck and considered getting right back in the cab. “Such a good man.” Lily teetered over him in heels, arm possessively around his neck. Some men might find their manhood threatened by her height and her possessive fierceness but for Riley it was fucking catnip. The restaurant offered excellently priced seafood to a diverse and lively crowd. Lily and Riley sat at a small table in a corner near the bar, which meant their drinks arrived quickly and they could play footsie in between courses. Riley was willing to give up meat for his beloved and seafood was their compromise. Riley wanted to spend the rest of his life looking across the table and seeing Lily’s bright, beautiful face reflecting her satisfaction across from him. And whether that was because she was pleased with him or happy about her flan—he didn’t actually give a damn. He just wanted her to smile like that forever. They rode back to the hotel in the back of a larger car this time, enough room to get handsy as they zipped over narrow roads to the resort. Riley let lazy, wine-fueled hands stroke over Lily’s smooth arms and under the twirl of her hem to find the slender thread of her underwear. She laid her head on his shoulder and whispered filthy promises against his ear. “I’ve got such a surprise for you tonight.” They didn’t go upstairs right away. The resort had a bar and as they crossed the lobby, Lily turned toward the music. “Come on, let’s have a drink,” she said. Riley wanted to fuck in their bed and maybe drink out of the mini-bar but Lily asked and so—he went. The crowd was young and energetic, the music thumping and shrill over the drunken chatter of people one step away from getting naked. They made their way 26

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through the throng of beautiful people; the enormous room was faintly lit with strobes on the ceiling and coming up through the floor and Riley kept Lily’s hand firmly in his. They reached the bar and found a narrow bit where overlapping drinkers had missed. Lily put her hand on his ass and pressed him against the rough-hewn wooden bar. She laid herself over his back and yelled over his shoulder to the bartender in perfect Spanish. He counted to a thousand in tens to keep his cock in his pants; his lovely cock tease of a wife was wearing a square of fabric that knotted around her body. Barely. She smelled like roses and felt like sin and clearly this detour hadn’t taken her mind off the payoff upstairs. The bartender returned with some dark-brown bottles; Riley counted out the money twice as Lily “danced” against his back. Lily mouthed “Come on,” into his ear; he grabbed their bottles, she took hold of his belt buckle and they wandered through the pulsing crowd of gyrating bodies to a piece of wall that didn’t currently contain a “private dance”. Riley tried to adjust his eyes to the sound and movement. Through college and as a young professional with cash to burn and an active libido, he tried to do the club thing. Usually he left before drunk turned to “sloppy” and alone turned into “naked with a stranger”. He was frequently lonely but quickly realized that anonymous and dirty sex didn’t do much more than relieve a hard-on—and really, he could jerk off to porn if that was the case. There was a longing for Riley in each encounter—men, women, didn’t matter. It just never felt like enough. Like he could never entirely let go and feel everything being offered to him. Lily, fortunately, straightened all that out, along with a few other things that had been confusing him as well. The pleasure in pain. The reward in submission. Leaning back into Lily’s embrace, Riley sipped his beer and let her steady him as the room shook. She rubbed circles between his shoulders then lower and lower until he felt Lily’s hand turning intimate circles under his T-shirt, moving around to brush from his stomach into the gap of his jeans. The dancers thumped and humped and Riley let his wife do whatever the hell she wanted with her hands. They ended up kissing against the wall, one of Lily’s thighs between Riley’s legs. Public displays of lust—also not Riley’s thing but there weren’t many things to say no to left when it came to Lily. “Come on, I need to fuck you,” she murmured, sliding her hand possessively down to cup Riley’s ass. They skipped the elevator entirely; speed walking up the three flights of stairs to their suite in their excitement. Lily had three inches on him but his twenty pounds of

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muscle on her evened things up—when he wanted them to. Tonight though—he just wanted her to keep manhandling him. He opened the door with her at his back, her hands never stopping their teasing dance over his skin. “Don’t stop,” she murmured as the door slammed behind them. Neither made a move to put on a light. On shaky legs, Riley made it to the bedroom, pulling his polo shirt up and over his head and discarding it on the floor. He got to the bedside to turn on the light but Lily’s smooth voice broke his determined reach. She touched his jaw and directed his line of sight to her face. “Take off your jeans, lie down on the bed,” Lily said, her sweet pink lips curling into a provocative smile. The voice—God, the voice. When the hard edge crept in and the growl settled into her vowels—Riley lost his ability to make decisions for himself. He didn’t ask for more direction because he knew exactly what it meant. Shivering, Riley pulled everything off, threw it haphazardly onto the floor and crawled onto the bed on all fours. Lily murmured her approval and Riley’s stomach danced and dipped as dark edges started to creep up on his vision. “Riley,” she whispered, running her soft hand down his back. Riley took a deep breath and dropped his forehead to the coverlet. “I’m gonna make it so good for you.” He’d never done this with anyone else. He never wanted to do this with anyone else. “Don’t move,” Lily said and he felt her stepping away. An uncontrollable sigh escaped and Lily said his name with such a tender cant to her voice he couldn’t breathe for a moment. He heard her opening her bag, knew things were in there, things that would make him so fucking happy. Then suddenly it wasn’t about the sounds of Lily’s clothes falling to the floor or the whisper of leather straps going around her body. It was a scent, rich and masculine, enveloping his senses. For a brief second he panicked because that was Nick’s cologne, something dark and sensual and expensive his second ex-wife insisted on sending him every Christmas. It was disconcerting for “Nick” to be in the room at this moment, even as a fantasy. But Lily was the one person who put her hands on him; he felt the bed dip as she positioned herself behind him, the cool latex of the dildo brushing against his skin. “Close your eyes, baby,” she said softly, her hands working onto his skin, massaging his tense muscles with her warm flesh. His cock pressed against his stomach, fully erect and leaking from the tip in anticipation. Riley closed his eyes tightly, forehead to the mattress, knees braced and open. He concentrated on the smell of Nick’s cologne, pushing down the guilt and shame until all he could feel was Lily and her cool fingers brushing against his opening and his fantasy 28

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that Nick was there, watching and wanting him. That Nick was there, ghosting his fingers over Riley’s hip and up his spine to tangle in his hair… “Easy,” she whispered, rubbing his back for a few minutes before she did anything else. He was shaking and thinking too much, something he knew she would read and adjust to. “I love you,” she added in a soft murmur, dropping a kiss against his hipbone before snapping open the top of the lube. He flinched, moaned into the pillow. Lily didn’t rush. She used the lube and her fingers and her mouth to ease him open, her tongue wickedly intrusive and teasing his limits with each stab. She refused to hurry, didn’t give in to his moans, working her tongue into his ass until he was almost crying with anticipation. And when she was satisfied—and he was strung out, wet and open and a thousand years past ready—she straightened up and he felt her hands, damp and demanding, rest against his hips. The height difference gave her the perfect angle; she pushed down at the small of his back, his legs automatically sliding wider. He bit into the pillow, swallowing the sounds swimming in his throat. The alien thrust of molded plastic was like a tease, the straps from the harness scraped against his skin. Lily didn’t linger; she slid inch by inch into him, her throaty sigh the only sound in the room. Riley threw himself into the fantasy Lily was spinning for him, not imagining the sexy thrust of his beloved’s body into his but imagining…God, going there, going to his stupid crush and that stupid smile and dark-blue eyes and sharp features, ducking behind the wall of fear and shame for the freedom of this moment when he could think and want whatever he wanted. But even in the throes of that fantasy, every stroke was Nick and it was Lily and Riley shuddered at the force of fake cock throwing him between the two of them, the real and the imagined. Lily must’ve caught the falter in the rhythm, the tripped-up push of Riley’s body. She leaned down against his back, worked her hips slow and steady, reached around to grab his cock with her wet hand. “It’s okay,” she said quietly, jerking her hand harder. He’d hate that she knew him so well if it didn’t feel so good to have permission to let go. Riley rocked into her hand, back onto the fake cock, breathing in the “grass” scent of the fabric softener on the sheets. Grass and the trails they hiked together a hundred times and a tree that marked they were nearly at the top of the mountain—there’s no one around, no one to see. And it’s not a crush anymore—it’s a look of interest and desire and Nick touching him, his arms, his neck, his face…and being pulled over and pressed against the tree…not the softness of a pillow, the roughness of bark and then it just moves right to the rhythm and motion of fucking and it’s so good, so good to be held by someone stronger. The

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rough, masculine sound of a voice in his ear, the strength of a man’s body, the rich spice of Nick’s cologne… “Yes, please,” he whispered into the fabric. He felt the orgasm rip through his body, no warning or pause, just a sharp pulse of creamy wetness against Lily’s hand and the wet spot on the soft comforter of the bed as he collapsed down. He panted and moaned as Lily pulled out, kissing the back of his neck for a few seconds, letting the moment linger and last before he had to come back to reality. “Don’t move,” she mouthed against his ear. Riley shivered weakly in the center of the bed, Lily’s hand on his hip. A second later she was wiping him clean, rolling him to a dry spot on the bed with steady hands. “Are you okay, baby?” she asked, clutching his chin in a gentle grip and searching his eyes. In the middle of the hazy comedown of the moment, Riley’s heart did a triple beat tight in his chest. “Perfect,” he murmured, licking dry lips. “Thank you.” Lily’s beautiful face lit up brighter than the sun. She was kneeling next to the bed, her hands on him, her smile proud and pleased and he realized he’d never known anything like this before. “I love you, Lily.” Her green eyes went damp and he reached to touch her cheek gently. “Love you too.” She laid her head down on the pillow next to his. “Guess it’s a good thing we’re going to be together forever.” Riley came down slowly from the fantasy; Lily kept him wrapped in her arms, stroking her fingers through his hair until he was lulled from one state of relaxation to another. “When we get home,” Lily said suddenly, her voice quiet in the darkness, “when we get home, we’re going to invite Nick over to the house.” “Of course.” Riley tried to move his head but the fatigue kept him draped over Lily’s stomach. “We’re going to see if he feels the same way, baby.” There was no mistaking what Lily meant and no arguing with the steel fibers woven into her words. “We need to see.” Riley shook his head but no other words came from Lily; her fingers kept carding over his scalp, her body stayed close to his but there wasn’t anything else said that night.

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Chapter Five Nick left the courthouse, unhooking his tie as he checked his cell phone for messages. Waiting to testify had wasted a ridiculous amount of time that afternoon— the prosecutor swore his expert testimony would be needed today. Urgently. Then he’d only answered three questions about the firearms used in the case before the judge called a recess until Monday. Which meant yet another day in the stiff “court” suit and more waiting and yet another day of paperwork climbing into a pile on his desk. Expert testimony was becoming a second full-time job, one he didn’t actually mind. Nick enjoyed being a cop—the beat, a detective, supervisor now in homicide—but he’d always been someone on the move. He needed challenges and a change of pace. He needed distractions. Everyone who left a message seemed to be in a hurry—of course, who wouldn’t be on a late Friday afternoon? He tried not to notice that there was no word from Riley. He and Lily had gotten back from their honeymoon two days before, not that he’d memorized the itinerary or anything, and not one call. No messages. Riley had a few more days off before he’d be back at the Victim’s Services’ offices and Nick could run into him. The past two weeks included many sleepless nights for Nick. He puzzled over Lily’s strange come-on during the reception. He tried to reconcile the Riley he knew— the Riley who blushed when Nick caught him and Lily making out on the couch long after they were engaged—with the Riley who watched that dance intently and didn’t blink. Of all the things he imagined Riley doing while Nick basically macked on his wife—and was macked on by said wife—watching was not on the list. Beyond watching—it was his expression, fascinated and locked-in, that threw him the most. Nick actually put work into coming up with a theory, with the same careful approach he used in forensic work. Examine the evidence, follow the trail of action back to thought and deduce the motive. He was never going to be called in to testify on this one as an expert because he had no clue. Of course all that puzzling had made it easier to ignore the giant Riley-sized hole in the brownstone. The empty second bedroom, the missing furniture, the cleanedout fridge. The lack of an oil puddle in the driveway where his motorcycle sat for five years. The truck was parked in the visitor’s lot. As Nick swung into the cab, his phone beeped. Incoming text.

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Regular place, regular time. Interested? Reading the text in public, in broad daylight made Nick feel overwhelmingly exposed. He didn’t usually give his number out to acquaintances from the club but he’d made an exception for Jason and another occasional “partner” Steven. Jason had a good handle on boundaries but occasionally Steven abused the power; his nerves twitched as he considered it a mistake to let his club life and real life twist together. Lonely people do stupid things. Nick considered his answer, breathing deeply as he formulated a response. Yes. No. Why the hell not? Another night alone in his empty brownstone, trying not to feel a little bit hopeless and failing miserably? See you then, he typed back then hurriedly shut the phone and shoved it in his pocket.

***** The club wasn’t anything spectacular décor-wise but it was clean, respectable and carefully vetted—private membership required a serious bucket of money and a background check. Getting references so you could fuck strangers may have seemed to miss the point of semi-anonymous sex, but Nick couldn’t be too careful. He had a career to protect. The simplicity of it was the perfect anecdote for Nick’s uncomfortable forays to bars—bars out of town and enough of a drive to make sure he didn’t run into anyone he knew. Unfortunately there weren’t many places where someone like Nick felt comfortable enough to let down his guard. He certainly wasn’t looking for a long-term thing; the shorter and less personal the better. But then he also wasn’t looking to get his throat cut or a disease—Nick wasn’t reckless. He was just…particular. This place met his needs for anonymity and sex, a place he didn’t have to explain or apologize for his needs. A low back beat hummed through discreetly hidden speakers. The recessed lighting was dimmed, casting the maze of low leather couches into appropriate shadows. There were private rooms off the main space, more of the same upstairs but those were “themed” and Nick didn’t bother. He didn’t require that much creativity with his sexual release. A few times a week there were performances and public play, which he generally skipped, but tonight was all about quiet hookups. Nick walked through the main space, noting a few regulars here and there. No one he’d played with, however, and all clearly reserved for the evening. He rubbed his hands over his jeans, itching for a drink and half hoping Jason was going to stand him up. No such luck, however. Jason was there already, leaning against a large chair and a half—complete with attached restraints on the arms. His wide smile accentuated the model good looks he possessed—though Nick was fairly certain that tan didn’t come

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from healthy outdoorsmanship but rather an expensive monthly membership to a tanning salon. “Hi,” Jason murmured, meeting Nick halfway. His hands moved as quickly as the corners of his mouth lifted into a smile, caressing Nick’s arm up and under the sleeve of his shirt. “Hi. Thanks for the call,” Nick said. He shifted his weight, suddenly impatient to get off and be gone. Thank God this wasn’t a date. “My pleasure.” Jason gestured over to the chair with a flick of his coiffed hair. “Do you want to sit for a while or…” “I reserved room three,” came Nick’s quick reply. He wasn’t here for chitchat. Jason’s gaze dropped down the length of Nick’s body, slow and steady. “Fantastic.” At some point during the next hour, Nick lost the point of the evening, the part where he was supposed to be here not thinking about Riley. Jason sucked cock nicely, all tight suction and wandering hands. He liked it when Nick shoved him to his knees. He liked it when Nick talked dirty and tightened his fists in his hair. Domination and masochism light. He liked to flutter his long eyelashes and drink in the praise that Nick dropped here and there, automatic words that dropped off Nick’s tongue like a well-rehearsed script. It was nothing Jason did wrong. But Nick checked out mentally. He twisted his fingers in Jason’s hair, looking down at the top of his bobbing head and no—no. He didn’t want to examine at that moment how easily it would be to close his eyes and pretend he was about to get off in a warm wet mouth that belonged to Riley. He forced his eyes to stay open, to catalogue all the ways that Jason was not his best friend. “Thanks,” Jason brushed against his arm, shoulder to shoulder, as they walked out to the foyer of the club. Nick felt himself knitting back the corners of his personality, putting on the bland and neutral face he wore in the rest of his life. He dipped his head, featured a half-smile and hoisted his backpack over one shoulder. “Have a good night.” Jason didn’t say anything else; he’d tried a few times to get Nick to have dinner with him but eventually backed off. There was still a vibe of interest but Jason got it. Nick wasn’t ever going to call him. With a grin, Jason pushed open the heavy ornate double doors that blocked out the outside world. Another member was coming in and Nick looked up just in time to see Steven, his other semi-regular partner, coming in.

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One look and it was easy to remember why Nick had gravitated toward Steven during a public session a few months ago. There was a certain something, a combination of looks and self-possession and cool veneer that Nick enjoyed. It was easy, it was hot and even easier to walk away from when he was done. Movie-star looks and a cool impersonal attitude toward sex—it worked for what Nick wanted. That was, until Steven had trouble with the concept of “no thank you” when he wanted more of Nick’s time. “Well, this is my lucky night.” Steven stepped into Nick’s space quickly. “Don’t know about that—I was just heading out.” Nick maneuvered around Steven and toward the door. “Shame.” Steven’s expression didn’t change. “So I’ll call you later…maybe we can get together next week…” The invitation dripped off Steven’s words. “Thanks. I may be busy for the next few weeks actually. Work.” He didn’t specify because this compartment of his life didn’t include details of the other. Steven didn’t know if he was a stockbroker or a longshoreman. Certainly he didn’t know Nick was a cop. “Ahhh, of course.” Steve’s handsome features folded into something annoyed, but he kept smiling. “Give me a call then, when things calm down.” “Sure, absolutely.” Nick paused a moment then gave a short nod. He was pushing open the door in the next heartbeat, suddenly anxious to be out of there and anywhere else in the world.

***** Saturday morning found Nick eating toasted frozen waffles and bacon in front of the television. Nothing about the tableau made him feel any less anxious. And boring. He tried channel surfing and then reading the paper. A nap. Jerking off crossed his mind but he couldn’t pull together the energy to slide his hand into his shorts. Ridiculous. By noon he tore out of the house in a panic, afraid he was growing roots into the couch cushions. He ran unnecessary errands, bought food he didn’t need. As he walked back to the truck from the dry cleaners, his cell phone twittered at him. dinner tonite? having tofu. Nick sat for a moment, staring at the message and warring with himself on what to do. He could ignore it, pretend he didn’t get it until later on in the weekend or Monday morning when he’d inevitably run into Riley at the precinct. He could hide at home or disappear back to the club for some nameless distraction. But letting Riley down—that wasn’t really Nick behavior. He sighed, flipped open the phone and tapped out an “okay” in response to his invite.

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7:30. bring beer Another “okay” and Nick tossed the phone onto the passenger seat. He started the truck and pulled carefully out of the spot.

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Chapter Six At 7:30 on the dot, Nick stood on the shaky wooden stairs in front of Riley and Lily’s “fixer upper”, which clearly was code for “falling down around their ears but cheap”. A paper bag containing a six-pack of Corona under one arm, Nick, changed into jeans and a long-sleeved gray T-shirt, imagined he looked vaguely imposing as he hovered before knocking. An outside light flicked on and the heavy front door was pulled open with a groan and a squeak; Nick jumped a little as Riley’s muscular frame filled the space, all tight white T-shirt and slouchy khakis and an unshaved face. “Are you lurking?” Riley asked through the screen door. “I’m checking out your neighborhood and the computing the chances these crappy stairs are going to collapse under my weight.” Riley pushed the door open. “Everyone is like thirty years older than us and thinks we’re meth dealers. You’re not doing much to change that perception.” “I do not look like a drug dealer!” Nick scowled, walking into the house with an elbow to Riley’s chest. “No, you look like a lurking cop sniffing out meth heads.” Nick couldn’t really argue with that. He looked around the sparsely furnished space, recognizing almost all the furniture from his and Riley’s apartment and Lily’s place. A few new things were scattered here and there—a lamp, a rocking chair. A framed painting of some koi fish over the faux-leather sofa. “A lurking cop with beer.” Riley took the bag and gave his approval with a grunt. “Lily’s making chili.” “Wait, what? That’s real food.” “Soy chili!” came a chirpy voice from the kitchen. “Ah, much better. I thought she had had a revelation about the joy of meat during your trip.” That sounded vaguely dirty, he thought. “Speaking of which—where’s the slide show? The kitschy souvenirs?” Nick knew he was talking a bit louder than usual. He didn’t quite know what to do with his hands. “Greedy. We got you something, you don’t have to beg.” Riley disappeared into the kitchen, no hint that he registered Nick’s slightly manic behavior. “Shut up, be nice. Hi, Nick!” Lily ducked out of the kitchen, arms open wide. She had a deep, dark tan, making her tied-back blonde hair even lighter. For some reason Nick noticed her freckles, like someone had gone wild with a marker on her nose. “We missed you!” She slid into his arms easily, squeezing around his middle.

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Nick didn’t hesitate, even as his brain hiccupped. He returned the hug tightly, releasing her only when Riley handed him an opened bottle of beer. “I didn’t miss him,” Riley said, his eyes twinkling. “You must’ve said ‘Nick would have loved this!’ a thousand times,” Lily retorted, slipping her arm around Riley’s waist. “No, no. I said Nick would have hated all that relaxation.” “I like relaxation,” Nick pointed out, sucking down half his beer in two swallows. “Hiking. Camping.” “Camping…right. That’s what you call it when you stay at a hotel without a pool, right?” For all her vegetarian Zen earthiness, Lily had a fair share of “princess” flowing through her blood. “Now that we’re married…” Riley began and Lily rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, here he goes again. Nick, talk to him. Tell him just because we’re married doesn’t mean I have to do what he tells me.” She threw her hands up dramatically and walked back into the kitchen. “Set the table!” “Hey, if you don’t have to listen to me, then I don’t have to listen to you!” Riley yelled. “Back me up here, Nick.” “Divorced, twice.” Nick held up two fingers then finished his beer. He handed the empty back to Riley with a smile. “Another beer for your guest please, and don’t forget the hot sauce.” Nick relaxed over the next hour. They ate dinner on a card table covered with a vintage tablecloth, brightly colored flowers and tropical birds that served as a launching point for honeymoon stories. Riley talked about the flora and fauna, the early morning treks into the mountains and how they compared with his and Nick’s outdoors adventures in the past. Lily, on the other hand, really liked the spa at the resort. They drank the rest of the beer, ate most of the chili and cornbread. The small pillar candles on the table burned down as they laughed, lingering over the table. Nick wondered why he was worried. He thought he must have misunderstood what happened at the reception. Must have. It was champagne and excitement and the surreal quality of the night. “Let’s go into the living room—Riley has clean-up duty,” Lily said suddenly, grabbing Nick’s hand. Nick started to protest but Riley waved them both out of the room. “Me and the wife,” he beamed when he said it, “we have a deal. Let her start showing you some of the pictures—we got a lot.” “Ohhhh, look at the time,” Nick half-joked, still protesting a bit as Lily stood up and gave him a tug. Not like she could move him out of the chair without his assistance but he went anyway. She looked blasé. Riley looked everywhere but his face. Nick went back to confusion. 37

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The clanging of dishes got fainter as Lily settled them on the couch. There were packets of pictures on the coffee table, waiting for a captive audience—which fully described Nick at that moment. Lily was flush from the beer and spices, close at his side and leaning over to hand him the pictures. He noticed the flash of tanned skin between the waistband of her jean skirt and her pale yellow T-shirt as it rode up. He felt mildly horrified for noticing. “Wait’ll you see the one with the parrot on Riley’s head while he’s only wearing a towel,” she said, turning back with a warm smile on her face. “I want to blow it up and put it on the wall—I mean, seriously. You’d think there was a water buffalo planted on his cranium. Mr. Nature my ass.” As he was just sort of looking at her ass, Nick blushed. To cover his discomfort, he reached for the envelope in her hands and opened it quickly. “Sounds good. I uh—I’d like a copy for myself. Hang it in the bedroom.” When the words left his mouth, Nick was thinking there was a funny punch line to that but the second they hit the air, it was no longer funny. It was just weird. Lily just laughed, like it was actually funny. Then she laughed a second too long and Nick felt his gaze being drawn to her face. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” she asked, pinking up so much he could tell through her tropical tan. He did the fish thing for a moment, mouth open and closed, open and closed. “No, of course not.” There was a long pause, Lily watching him, him watching Lily, the clang of Riley in the background as he cleaned up the kitchen. Nick swallowed a few dozen times, waiting for Lily to say something. Finally she tilted her head to one side and smiled. “Oh good. I’d never want to do anything to make it hard for you to be around me. Or Riley.” “So long as you don’t mind an old bachelor mooching your chili and beer.” Nick went for a joke again and again it fell flat in the small space between them. “Never. We want you here.” Her hand landed on his thigh, warm and damp, from her flesh through his jeans to his skin, which seemed to be on fire. He should be horrified by how attractive he found her at this moment. He should be getting off the couch immediately, making apologies for being drunk and out of line and ridiculous, but Nick wasn’t moving. His hand pressed on top of hers and he swore in his head he was going to complete the gesture by moving her hand—soon. Very soon. Lily laughed again, naturally, soft and easy. She laid her head on Nick’s shoulder, rubbing her forehead against the damp cotton of his T-shirt. His entire body locked up with unwelcome arousal. “You’re so sweet, Nick. I swear to God. You’re the sweetest man,” she murmured. When she pulled away, her face was inches from his. She seemed to search him, his 38

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eyes, his intent. He knew he was wide open, that Lily had crawled under the barbed wire around him and sneaked in. “Sweet,” she said again, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Then Lily was sitting back, flushed and breathing heavily as she disengaged from Nick’s hands to stand up. “We need some more beer. And Riley,” she smiled. Nick should have run—a smart cop would have known just how out of his comfort zone he was at that moment. But then Riley and Lily walked into the living room; Riley was drying his hands on a dish towel, all nervous and staring, and Nick knew he was done. They kissed in front of him, long and wet and tender before disengaging. He could see the pink slide of tongue against tongue, hear the faint moist sound of them kissing until they pulled apart. No one blinked but everyone seemed to come away from the moment with a red flush on their cheeks. Nick felt like he was catching fire and burning out from the inside. The beer kept flowing, the conversation nonsense with patches of loaded silence. Riley sat in the easy chair across from them, Lily back to sharing Nick’s space and DNA on the couch. At one point Nick realized he was touching Lily’s arm and leg to get a reaction from Riley and Riley’s response was to blush and shift in his seat, looking for the same measure of comfort that Nick had long given up on having. What was the place past “done”? “Be right back,” Lily said suddenly, right in the middle of a moment of quiet that seemed to be booming in Nick’s ears. She stood and gave them each a look that induced squirming. Then she walked into the kitchen. Nick hoped she was getting something stronger than beer. What does one discuss with another man when your cock is hard and your breath is labored and everything is sideways? “Is this…” Nick cleared his throat but the words came out rough anyway. “Is this okay?” Even if he didn’t know what “this” was. Riley’s compact body shifted in the chair. He looked so vulnerable and needy that Nick had to forcibly resist the urge to cross the room and pull him into his arms. “Whatever she wants,” was all he said after a moment, the helplessness of his tone twisting Nick into a singular moment of need like nothing he’d ever experienced. Nick nodded. He’d seen it at the club, the women who wanted their husbands to watch them with another man. It was a jealousy fantasy, it was a test, it was a turn-on for reasons he didn’t entirely understand. Trying to pick which category Lily was in— he didn’t bother. He almost didn’t want to know. This way was madness. Nick knew that. Giving in to this would mean placing himself in a situation of potential disaster. Being vulnerable around Riley—dangerous. 39

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“It’s too quiet in there!” Lily’s voice cut through their silence. “Talk or something.” Both men jumped and their connected gazes thawed the ice slightly. “I don’t know if this is such a good idea,” Nick said quietly, his eyes drawn to the worn hem of Riley’s khakis, the edge of the rug. “I would never do anything…” He made a hand motion. He wanted to encapsulate all the ways he’d never hurt Riley, or make him feel bad. Or let him know every wicked and loving thought that Nick had lived with since they met. “You don’t have to.” Riley gave him a sideways glance, a weird shuttered look in his eyes. “It doesn’t change anything…with us. Yes or no. Doesn’t—you know. We’re still friends.” “Best friends. And I can’t jeopardize that.” The words slipped out. Silence held for a moment; even Lily seemed to pause in the kitchen area. “You won’t.” Riley fumbled a bit, looking away. “Lily can be a freight train when she wants something.” “I’m not exactly a stalled car on the track—I could get out of the way.” Train metaphors. Nick wanted to die a little. “But you don’t want to.” “If it’s going to do something to mess us up…I mean, if it’s going to fuck our friendship up, or you guys or whatever—I’m gone.” He sighed, laughed a little as he rubbed his face. “I told her you’d say no.” Riley’s voice was quiet and Nick almost leaned forward to hear him. Or be closer. “But uh…I’m okay with you saying yes.” Nick didn’t say anything. He had too many questions to ask, most of them centering on what the “yes” would mean. Because kissing Lily, even fucking Lily while Riley watched would be weird and amazing and he would do it. But touching Riley just might be the end of him. He wouldn’t do that. “I mean, I’m not handing my wife over to you. But I…I want…I trust you…Lily trusts you.” Riley choked on the rest of the words and he stood up quickly, the flash of movement almost disorienting to Nick. Something about his expression and tone worried Nick but he smiled away the confusion and nodded. Of course he understood. Lily and Riley wanted a third in their bed, and why not have it be the person you trusted most in the world? Fulfill a fantasy—he could do that. He could keep his hands off Riley. Really, he could. The perfect solution—being unselfish and selfish at the same time, having a tiny bit of Riley—once removed—and giving these two people he loved something they wanted. Even with that resolve and twisted justification, it didn’t happen. Lily stayed in the kitchen a minute too long, Riley took an extra pacing turn around the living room. Nick let the clicks of the clock move past a hundred. Then two hundred. 40

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Nothing pushed them forward and when the silence became suffocating, Nick kissed Lily on the cheek and touched Riley’s shoulder—barely—on his way out the door.

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Chapter Seven Lily got up at six a.m. the next morning, emotionally hungover and restless. She kissed Riley’s snoring face then crawled out of bed, thinking about last night, thinking about coffee, thinking about something to eat that was not in any way healthy for her. She pulled on sweats, brushed her teeth and went into the kitchen. No lights, just the first blush of morning coming through the windows to guide her way. Her stomach did a few flips as she inhaled the Blue Mountain blend; too much beer last night. Too much of a lot of things. And on that note—she distracted herself by rooting around in the fridge for a blueberry muffin she’d hidden from Riley in the back. Lily wondered what her husband’s mood was going to be this morning. She poured coffee. Hungover. Sure. Embarrassed. Probably. Confused. Yes. Because she was a little confused for someone so sure of herself. Mug and muffin in hand, Lily drifted to the living room. She almost sat on the couch then diverted around the coffee table and ended up in the rocking chair. She could see the sun coming up through the front window as she pulled her legs up, curling into herself as she blew on the hot coffee. Last night, there was a lot of drinking. There was flirting—out and out flirting. She practically ended up in Nick’s lap at one point. Sweet, kind, polite Nick, all spit polish and wholesome as apple pie, bright red as she invaded his personal space. Nick—who agreed to sleep with her without detailed conversation, caving quicker than she thought possible. And then walking out the door because no one could move through the stunned “yes, this is going to happen” of it all. She kept thinking it was for Riley, for Nick. For the unrequited thing that lived in between them like a ferocious beast. She could be the conduit, the thing that smashed down the doors between them and gave them permission to let go. And then long past that seemingly unselfish resolve, she felt her body responding to Nick on its own—not for Riley’s benefit, for hers. She loved the power she had over Riley. Not a single moment of regret existed over how much he needed her and how much she needed that. Details of Nick’s proclivities were unknown, mostly; she picked up on a few tells during the evening, when his breath caught a little too loudly to muffle. And somewhere in the middle of reading him and wanting him, she realized how ruthlessly he would dominate her at the slightest indication from her. And God, she wanted that very much. While Riley watched. 42

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Riley, who drank and watched and then ripped her clothes off after Nick finally bolted out of sheer embarrassment, fucked her right on the couch where Nick had been sitting. The sex felt frantic—good but not great. Maybe it was the liquor. Maybe. Lily drank her coffee, picking at the muffin until she heard Riley groaning from the bedroom. She didn’t say anything, just concentrated on her breakfast and turning last night over and over in her head. She knew what she was doing. That sense of personal control and fixed determination that served her so well in her job, so vitally important to surviving her turbulent childhood—it was coming out in force now with Riley and with Nick. Lily wanted to be everything for her husband (her husband, she loved thinking that word, saying it). She wanted to fulfill every tiny need he had—and Nick, she knew, was one of those needs. Maybe for both of them. The toilet flushed and Riley emerged from the bedroom with his eyes half-closed. His naked body was covered with scratches—she could see even in the filtered light of the room. She flushed with pride at the sight. Mine, she thought. Always mine. “Coffee’s on,” she said softly from her perch in the rocking chair; Riley started at the sound of her voice, his eyes opening wider. “Thanks,” he murmured, his voice hoarse. He seemed to want to move toward her but pivoted into the kitchen instead. Lily finished her muffin, tasteless and cold as it was, then her coffee, waiting for Riley to come back out. He didn’t. She sighed as she stood up, walking to the kitchen to force the matter—as usual. Riley was leaning against the counter, drinking out of a giant mug that proclaimed the Chicago Bears his number-one favorite team. Nick had given him that—as a joke; Riley was a Redskins fan. He didn’t look at her when she rested her hip against the counter, or say anything when she cleared her throat. “You okay?” Lily asked, her tone soft but brooking no tolerance of a lie. She watched his eyes dart around the kitchen and waited. “I’m drinking coffee naked at 6:40 in the morning on a Sunday. That doesn’t feel normal,” he offered finally, still not meeting her eyes. “Between us I think feeling normal would be abnormal,” she responded lightly. She dropped her garbage in the can then brushed past Riley to the sink to rinse out her mug. “We have to talk about last night.” “I’d rather go back to bed.” “We can talk in bed.” “Lily.” “Riley.” She turned off the water and looked up into his face, her temper poking out the edge of her calm veneer. “I don’t think we should avoid this.”

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“Avoid what? What is there to dissect exactly? He wants to sleep with you.” His voice rose and Lily stepped back, her hands curling into tight fists. “Don’t do that—I’ve been telling you for two years to be honest with him instead of lying. Instead of pretending. You were ten seconds away from fucking me while he was in the room let alone waiting until he left. Are we suddenly pretending you didn’t want to be in my place last night?” All the blood drained from Riley’s face and he turned an ashy gray color. The mug hit the counter with a dangerous sound as he tried to dart around her to escape her glare and her words. “Oh no, sorry—doesn’t work like that,” Lily said, grabbing the muscular upper arm sliding past her in an avoidance-fueled rush. “We’ve always counted honesty between us. Nothing unspoken.” Her voice was shaking a little too hard, her hand gripping a bit too tight. “No running away.” The fight seemed to go out of Riley in a rush and he stopped pulling away with a heavy sigh. “No,” he said, and she wasn’t sure what statement he was responding to as he pulled her into his arms, resting her forehead against his. His flesh felt cold and Lily hugged him closer, trying to keep him warm. She didn’t like it when they argued, she hated it when he was cold or tired or scared—it sent a panic down deep through the center of her. Riley stroked her back and tangled his fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry, baby, so sorry,” he whispered finally and Lily’s spinning thoughts slowed down. “I know you did that for me last night, I know that.” “I like Nick a lot,” she pointed out, leaning down to mouth kisses on his shoulders, letting the sparse hair tickle her lips and nose. “I do. It wasn’t something…I didn’t want to do.” her.

She let the confession sit there between them for a moment and Riley nodded above

“I can’t blame either one of you for…you know,” he said. “And Nick’s a freaking mess right now.” Lily laughed damply. “He said yes.” Riley tensed up again. “To you.” “If you told him…everything…” “No.” “Riley…” “No.” Lily wanted to argue what Riley wasn’t seeing but maybe this—them, together, in front of him—would release Riley from his all-encompassing fear that Nick didn’t want him. Sex would open the doors that words couldn’t.

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They held each other until the sun rose completely.

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Chapter Eight Nick made it home from Riley and Lily’s on autopilot. He stumbled into the brownstone, drank a liter of water and a sports drink, swallowed four aspirin and passed out on the couch facedown. Then awoke four hours later awash with shame. He stripped down and then shamefully walked through last night and this morning as he stepped into the shower. Driving while intoxicated was the least of his transgressions—did he really agree to sleep with Lily? Did he really sit so close to her, breathing in her warm scent and touching her—for himself, for Riley and his glittering blue glare? The arousal he felt at the house last night hadn’t left him; his skin prickled with goose bumps under the cool water, his cock hardening painfully as he thought of Riley. For five long years he’d shuttered himself from the fantasies about touching his best friend. He’d averted his gaze when it became too much. Excused himself to his room to purposely not touch himself. Until he gave in. And he always gave in. Like right now, Nick couldn’t stop himself. He thought about the faint tang of arousal and sweat burning off Riley last night. The way his tongue darted out to brush his upper lip. Those blue eyes hungry and fixed on every move Nick made. If he closed his eyes and pretended, he could make himself believe it was for him and not the picture he and Lily made. And Lily… That exquisite womanly body—he imagined divesting her clothes off her, down to her creamy skin, laying her in the center of his bed and…and no. If this was his fantasy—he wanted them both in his bed. Naked and wanting and eager… Nick gripped his cock at the base, just squeezing and holding until he felt he could bear the touching of his own hand. He kept it tight, root to tip in a slow, torturous slide. Behind his closed eyes, he spun the fantasy—he had Riley on all fours, framing Lily’s body with his own. Nick pushed up against him, sliding into him—God yes. That’s what he wanted. His cock deep in Riley’s body and Riley—moaning and whimpering his name—pushing into Lily. And under the sound of the water, under his own faint sounds of pleasure, he imagined Lily’s cries, her hands reaching up around Riley, around to touch him—soft brushes against his torso, pulling him down onto, into Riley, urging him on…

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Nick sped up the motion; his cock hurt with need as the fantasy played out. Riley crying out his name, Lily saying “harder, faster, fuck him”. Her permission. Her pleasure. The last few strokes he could taste it, smell it, feel—the tight clench of Riley’s ass, the glimpse of creamy white breast as Lily writhed below them both. And then it was over, the pictures knocked away by the force of coming, spurts of come hitting the shower wall. Masturbating to orgasm while swimming in guilt was the most Catholic he’d felt in a very long time. He toweled off, brushed his teeth and pulled on his gym shorts and T-shirt. Running—running would help. Running to the gym and bench-pressing himself into a coma would help too. His well-chiseled physique was as much a result of being a gym rat as being a neurotic freak with avoidance issues. Nick grabbed a protein bar and bottle of water, his keys and wallet and darted out the front door. He hadn’t lingered too long, hadn’t wandered into Riley’s empty bedroom to see if he could whip up another erection by some weird osmosis thing and God, he was going to have to do a triathlon just to deal with all the guilt coursing through his head. He was in such a hurry he almost tripped over the person coming up the sidewalk in front of his brownstone. Nick skidded to a stop and dodged his body around the tall guy in his path. “Hey sorry…hey!” The general apology screeched to a halt when Nick realized the dude in the suit standing in front of him was none other than Steven Harris. “Steven?” “Nicky.” That voice, which did wonders for Nick’s cock in the dark light of the club, sounded a bit crude in the light of day and he stepped back almost as a reflex. The nickname—well, that didn’t work outside of the moment right before orgasm either. “Fancy meeting you here.” Nick frowned at the ridiculous line and shook his head. “You live around here?” “I do now. Just moved in down the block.” Steven raised one long arm to gesture across the street and three brownstones down to a stone duplex that all the old-timers in the neighborhood referred to as “the eyesore”. “Oh hey, nice,” Nick said, polite but distant. Steven’s presence in his “regular life” felt like a serious rending of boundaries; if it’d been anyone else from the club, Nick might not have felt this panic but this guy, who didn’t know the meaning of thanks but no…this set off his alarm bells. “Yes. No clue you lived in this neighborhood.” Steven’s perfect white teeth in his perfect olive-skinned face flashed. “We’ll be seeing each other around quite a bit, I might imagine.” “I work a lot of hours,” Nick said quickly, suddenly in a panic over his job. His life. His friends. Any of the streams of his life crossing. He had a sudden vision of a For Sale

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sign in front of his beloved house. Nick gestured with his water bottle. “Going for a run. I’ll see you around.” “I’ll be at the usual spot tonight if you’re interested.” Steve stepped into Nick’s space, his dark eyes predatory. “Plans but thanks. Busy with work as I said the other night.” Nick smiled coolly and began to step back and around—he didn’t like the strong come-on and he hated people in his space. “See you around.” Of course his cop brain never stopped computing and he briefly wondered how much of a coincidence it might be that Steve now lived in his neighborhood. Could be an overreaction—paranoid meet panic, particularly after his emotionally stressful night last night. Steven was a pushy fucker but he didn’t feel like a stalker. Yet. Nick resolved to deal with it; he worked long hours so that wasn’t a lie. He didn’t have anything really visible on his truck or outside of the house that would give away his occupation and no one came over—or would be over besides Lily and Riley. He’d just go on with his normal routine and shoot down Steven at every turn—that would work. Eventually. He stretched against a street light pole and took off down the street. The pounding rhythm of running helped Nick find his even keel again. The shock of last night wore off a bit and settled into a calmer analysis. Yes, he was attracted to Lily. Who wouldn’t be? She was gorgeous, smart and wickedly funny. She had an assertive nature he found intriguing. God, maybe this was just about him not being with a woman for awhile. When he went to the club he mostly dealt with guys—no idea why, it just happened that way. Maybe he just needed to find an attractive woman to spend some time with. But there were women at work, women at the gym. And the club. Beautiful, bright, pleasant women who wouldn’t turn down his flirting or an invitation to dinner, or more. Plenty of opportunities that he never followed up on. So it wasn’t just beauty. Or brains. His first ex-wife was a model. His second exwife was an actual Goddamn rocket scientist. Something about Lily turned him on and as much as it drove Nick crazy, he couldn’t find biological fault with it. He also couldn’t entirely blame the fact that he loved and wanted Riley—with Lily, it was more than just her connection to Riley. It wasn’t just transference. Emotional transference then? Nick turned a corner, feeling his leg muscles cramping slightly, feeling the sweat drip down his back. He threw out his water bottle in the next recycling can he saw and picked up the pace. Attracted to Lily because he could respond to her advances without risking Riley’s affection, which worked only to the point that Riley had been watching. And from the bulge in his pants—God, don’t think about that, run harder—he enjoyed it. 48

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Riley enjoyed watching Lily and Nick close on the couch, flirting and leaning into each other, Nick breathing in the warm, clean, spicy scent in the curve of Lily’s neck, watching the way her body moved under clothes… Like the wedding, with Riley watching avidly and showing no signs of jealousy or anger. Fuck, so confusing. So confusing and so, so tempting that Nick got a little dizzy. He stopped running and leaned against the side of a building to catch his breath. This wasn’t even vaguely about the aspect of a threesome. He’d been there, done that on a semi-regular basis. There were even a few foursomes in his past. And he could vaguely recall a tequila-fueled fivesome during college. He wasn’t a prude. He wasn’t uptight about sex with men or women or men and women. He liked his fun, he liked variety. He’d been places that would send Riley into a coma of shock; all-American college basketball star and diligent cop Nickolas Zorcov, with membership to a sex club—a membership he used weekly. None of that mattered when it came to Riley and Lily though and that—that was the true problem. Nick did sex without commitment. Nick did sex without love. Nick didn’t know how to handle lust and love and the potential for losing the two people he cared most about in the world. He pushed off the building and ducked into the increasing Sunday street traffic, heading toward the riverfront with a determined burst of speed.

***** Three hours later, Nick staggered back home. His body felt like it had gone ten rounds with a threshing machine. Everything hurt, down to his eyelashes. Walking up the stairs almost brought tears to his eyes. At the top of his front steps he reached for his keys and made it to the door. Finally Nick pushed into his brownstone and shut the door, made it up another set of stairs and sagged as he leaned back in exhaustion against the wall. He threw the keys onto the side table near the door and looked over to the answering machine. Of course it was blinking. He’d bet a hundred bucks there was at least one message on his cell and a few text messages. If Riley was hiding in shame or whatever the hell emotion he was experiencing at that moment, Lily was marching around, organizing a showdown. Or a therapy session. Or an orgy. Nick moaned at his own train of thought. He was too exhausted to jerk off in the shower again. He pressed play on the machine just to torture himself. Lily’s voice filled the room and Nick sat down hard on the floor.

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“Nick, I know you’re out running, possibly all the way to Montreal at this point, but when you get home, call us.” He heard her sigh and laughed. He knew what was coming. “Screw that. I know you won’t call. We’re coming over at five. Order some pizza, we’ll bring the booze.” And the message ended. Nick lay sideways on the hardwood floor and laughed harder, exhausted and amused and scared and glad in a way that Lily had a zero tolerance policy when it came to talking shit out. He would have an answer to his questions tonight, some time after five.

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Chapter Nine Riley dragged his feet all day. He would have hidden from Lily but the house wasn’t big enough—thankfully there was a ton of yard work to do. He worked the mower in neat straight lines through the back and front yards, eyes wedded to the green weeds threatening to overtake their fixer-upper. It felt soothing, working his muscles, sweating out all the beer and guilt he consumed last night. One end to the other, one foot in front of the other, the damp grass staining his old white Chucks. Riley turned over last night in his head briefly then resumed the concentration on the indentation of the blade to grass. So engrossed in his distraction, he didn’t realize Lily was calling him until she appeared in front of the mower. “Hey,” he said, pulling the push mower to a stop. “Sorry.” “That’s okay.” She handed him a glass of iced tea, complete with a sprig of fresh mint and a wedge of lemon. Very Donna Reed, if Donna Reed served refreshments wearing a tight black fitted sweater and jeans that barely hit her hips. Riley managed not to swallow an entire ice cube. “You almost done?” Lily looked at her slim silver watch in an exaggerated “oh look at the time, dumb ass” glance. Riley finished his iced tea and glanced around the yard. He hadn’t done the corners or trimmed the bushes or investigated the pile of wood toward the back fence that used to be a shed. “Yeah.” He handed her back the glass and wiped his face on the front of his Led Zeppelin T-shirt. “Gimme ten minutes, okay? Then I’ll get in the shower.” She nodded, lingering there in front of him for a few minutes like she was waiting for him to start bitching again about her “we’re going to Nick’s tonight” announcement earlier. He just didn’t see the point. It wasn’t like he could avoid it, what with living with Lily and working with Nick and oh right, she owned his ass very clearly. Protesting was halfhearted at best because deep down he wanted it—wanted to see Nick undone and unguarded, wanted to know what it was like to see the man beneath the structured veneer. And if that meant seeing him with Lily—well, the two of them together was natural in a way. They were both strong and beautiful, sexy, confident. Everything he could never be. “So what liquor refreshment should we bring tonight? Is it red or white wine that goes with emotional venting and possible seduction?” Lily’s eyes narrowed. “Not sure. I’m thinking a cabernet works with self-deception kind of nicely.” 51

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“Hmm, maybe we should just bring a case of Corona and a bottle of tequila and get naked quicker.” A vein jumped in Riley’s temple because he knew that he was already in over his head. “Hey, whatever works to get you to admit the truth.” “What happened to slow?” “What happened to you not being a brat about this?” Silence descended and Riley rubbed the back of his neck. “I think that’s expecting a lot, baby.” Her lips twitched. “True. I just… I don’t want this to be a constant fight with us, Riley. I think I’ve been pretty accepting of a lot of things and asking for your honesty doesn’t seem a whole hell of a lot in return.” Riley’s ears burned red. He shook his head. “No, not a lot to ask. I’m not ready to talk to Nick though. Just not.” “But you’re semi-okay with me being your surrogate when it comes to flirting. And fantasizing. And sex.” Lily’s frank stare made Riley squirm a bit more. “How fortunate are you that I’m not any other woman?” Would an earthquake be too much to ask for right now? “More than fortunate, okay? Luckiest idiot on the planet.” Riley released the death grip on the lawn mower and walked around to take Lily in his arms. “Flattery will get you some places but not out of this.” Lily leaned her head back to look at him. “If I stop being a prick can we go back to slow?” “I think we both know what’s going to happen tonight…” “He won’t.” Riley shook his head, trying to erase the memory of Nick so clearly turned-on by Lily last night, sneaking glances over to him like he was waiting for the punch or the outburst. “He’s too straitlaced. He’s not into that sort of thing.” “He said yes.” “Nick was drunk. He cares more about our friendship than sex.” “One doesn’t necessary preclude the other.” “So says the kinky girl.” Riley kissed her on the forehead. “I have to finish mowing then take a shower. Is my hair shirt ready?” “Cleaned and pressed.” She sighed and punched him none too lightly in the stomach as she moved away. “You don’t see…” Riley took the mower in hand again but turned at the tone of her voice. “See what?” “See all the spots you missed,” she replied but her expression told him that wasn’t what she meant at all. “All my lawn-boy fantasies are shot.” “Sorry, ma’am.” Riley felt awkward, wanting to push Lily to say more but not really wanting to hear more truth at the moment. “I’ll be in in a few minutes.”

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Lily nodded. “Okay, see you inside.” She walked away, leaving Riley and his push mower in the backyard, curious and questioning and fearful all over again.

***** Riley showered quickly and came out to find his clothes laid out for him. That wasn’t necessarily something unusual but it was a surprise nonetheless. The camelcolored cords and button-down cream shirt—underwear nowhere in sight—made him nervous as shit. Those were “going out to dinner sexy time” clothes, not “let’s hang with Nick and have pizza” clothes. “Do I have to—” he started to yell but Lily cut him off in a second from the bedroom. “Yes.” Grumbling—and refusing to shave—Riley towel dried his hair and got dressed. His second bit of defiance would clearly be wearing his black Chucks. The internal monologue of bitching ended when he walked into the bedroom and found Lily at the dressing table, putting on lipstick. Of course that wasn’t the only thing she was wearing but it might as well be. Her hair fell down her back in long curly waves and he could see the tight fabric of her black T-shirt skimming her curves. The shirt ended just above the low waist of a flared jean skirt that he knew well; she wore it on the night he proposed to her and he was well aware of its ability to make men lose their mind. “Wow,” Riley said simply, resting back on his heels as he watched Lily acknowledge his reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were wide and guarded—he wasn’t able to put up the same front in return. “How fuckin’ beautiful do you look?” Lily shrugged, a smile lifting up her ruby red lips. “Very?” Riley applauded gently, walking over to twist his fingers through the damp, styled curls flowing over her shoulders. “Correct answer. You win a prize.” “Awesome. Toaster oven? Panini maker?” Lily turned to rest her head against his hip. He could feel the subtle tremble under her skin and knew she was holding herself together with bravado woven together of steel and fear. He wanted to protect her and save her and then freak out because that was her job. “Nah, but I’m going to cease being dramatic and difficult for at least twenty-four hours.” Riley stroked the curve of her neck, his voice soft. “Double awesome,” she whispered, looking up at him intently. “It’ll be fine. Trust me. Trust Nick.” “The only two people I trust in the world,” he said lightly, leaning down to kiss her before she could say anything else.

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Chapter Ten Nick wanted to run, literally—grab a bag and drive to the airport and jump on a plane before he created yet another mess in his life. Ex-wives and ex-lovers, bad breakups and silent ones—none of them ever elicited the emotional wallop that Riley and Lily did. Which somehow made them infinitely more dangerous. By the time he’d worked out the best route to the airport, the buzzer from downstairs rang. Riley still had a key, so he didn’t even have to bother to walk to the door and buzz them in. He calmly put the beer on the table then fiddled with the buttons on his shirt until he heard them outside the door. “Put down the suitcase and hand over the tequila and no one gets hurt,” Lily called and Nick laughed weakly. Of course she was the first into the apartment, all light and sparkling with a curious expression on her face. “I have pizza.” “We have beer.” “A little lame for a seduction.” His joke felt forced but Lily was in front of him, gorgeous and sexy and smiling. “You’re right. It’s like college all over again. I’m not sure I’m impressed.” Her voice was soft as she edged up to him, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. Nick realized he hadn’t moved a muscle, a frozen statue at the table waiting for them to come to him. “I didn’t realize I was…” His voice trailed off as Riley came into view. He hadn’t even heard the door close. “Hey, man.” Riley looked everywhere but Nick’s face, which meant Nick could drink in his face and the clean lines of his clothing. Lily clearly had a hand in dressing him tonight. He looked sexy, masculine. Nick resisted the urge to lick his lips, even as the rich rose scent of Lily’s perfume teased his nose. He was well and truly done for. “Hey.” Nick realized he had an arm around Lily’s waist. How did that get there? “Dinner’s here.” “We should eat. I’m starving.” Lily pushed Nick into the chair he was standing closest to and reached for Riley’s arm. “C’mere.” “Bossy.” Nick didn’t mind and he knew Riley didn’t mind; someone had to have some balls in this room and it sure as hell wasn’t either of them. She crowded them together, hauling out the pizza and large salads, filling plates without asking who wanted what. Lily seemed a woman possessed, hands busy and

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mouth chattering a steady stream of nothing until Nick felt wrapped up in a steamy tomato sauce-scented fantasy world. “Eat,” she said, picking up a fork and poking them each—bookending her in between—before digging in. “You’ll need your strength.” Riley choked. Nick smirked around a cucumber but that smugness was short-lived when a hand dropped onto his inner thigh with a purposeful squeeze. He swallowed the thing sideways.

***** After dinner Lily sent them both to the couch while the coffee perked and she cleaned up, which was clearly her idea of torture. Riley and Nick sat stiffly at either end, staring ahead at the television—which wasn’t even on—a weird parody of their many nights comfortable and chatting in this very spot. Nick felt ridiculous again. The space between turned-on and friendly dinner had reminded him of why you didn’t go into a bedroom in a woozy emotional state unless you wanted your skull kicked in. This was a horrendous mistake and he needed to man up and say that, out loud, to Lily and Riley right now. Sex was wonderful and fabulous and he was pro-it all the way and they were sober consenting adults and there was nothing wrong with what they were proposing but he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t risk alienating Riley from his life. Couldn’t put himself out there—touching Lily, being with Lily, being with Lily for Riley’s pleasure—emotionally because… Because he loved Riley and this entire scenario was ultimately selfish because they didn’t know that. His breath caught in his throat and he was sure he was going to be brave and do this but Lily picked that moment to walk into the living room. Shoes and skirt gone, just clad in her tight T-shirt and a pair of panties that amounted to little more than a triangle with strings that tied around her hip. Any air left in the room promptly dried up.

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Chapter Eleven “Just cutting to the chase,” she said drily, standing before the two men—identical deer in headlight stares—watching her warily. Bull by the horns was her only hope right now—pushing the issue before they all died of old age. When Riley stood up, she read the expression of faint terror right before he shut down into something…wanting. He wrapped his arms around her possessively, as if shielding her from Nick’s gaze. Or showing her off. Lily pressed herself to Riley, feeling his breathing change, the cycle of lust and panic setting him to vibrate under her hands. She felt ridiculously protective of him— his fantasies, his feelings, his fear that Nick didn’t feel the same way. Why couldn’t she force him to see the way Nick was looking at him? “We have…boundaries.” Lily sent him a pointed look, her hands still petting and comforting Riley. “Of course. Don’t we all.” Nick crossed his legs and spread his arms against the back of the couch. He seemed to have flipped a switch; she could almost smell “club mode” on him. “No animals and no one is peeing on me,” he said dryly. Riley snapped his fingers, showing signs of life and sarcasm. “Riley’s going to…watch. And you’re going to…” Her smile flickered, her hip cocked in his direction. “You’re going to have fun with me. And…and anyone can say stop for any reason.” Lily watched Nick’s expression go dark for a second and she nodded, keeping her smile in place. “Agreed.” There was a long silence with everyone in agreement and no one making a move. Lily rolled her eyes. “Are we going to start?” “You know in porn movies, no one says are we going to start. Someone just starts,” Riley groused, kicking his sneaker against the floorboards. “So we need a director?” Nick said, uncoiling slightly from the couch; he slid to the edge, hands rubbing together. Lily gave Nick a flirty smile, her tongue dabbing the corners of her mouth. She knew deep in her bones that his group experience had nothing to do with watching it in a porn movie.

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“No, we just need someone to make a move.” She swished her hips, giving Riley a rub and shimmy combo movement against his hip. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Nick lean forward a bit farther, as if he’d seen something he was interested in. He could pretend it was just about her—she was used to it. “You boys are disappointing me. Here I am, hot as can be…” Lily’s words were cut off as Nick stood up, crowding into the little circle Riley and Lily were creating. She bit her lip as she felt the vibration of his desire and nerves from the brush of his hand against her arm. Another one, fighting their feelings and fighting the tide; she was going to save them both from themselves. “Finally,” she murmured, tipping her head back. Nick hesitated but Lily didn’t let him back away; she leaned up with her lips damp and opening slightly, tempting him, willing him into meeting her halfway. Riley’s hands tightened on her waist—she could feel his shallow breathing close to her neck. She was holding her breath until Nick finally let gravity and nature take control. It shocked her system when he finally kissed her, closing the distance between them with a rush of air, attaching their mouths quickly before he lost his nerve. Lily tucked her hand behind Nick’s neck so he couldn’t get away, so he wouldn’t think too hard. When she opened her mouth fully she expected him to jerk back, to pull away but Nick surprised her and pushed his tongue forward, exploring and moving, urging her to respond. He tasted good. Demanding and just enough wetness to make her mouth soft. He didn’t push or rush, alternating between quick flicks of his tongue and long drawn out licks against her bottom lip. She was delighted. She was encouraged. She was sure her husband was loving this because she could feel his hard-on pushing against her ass with an almost frantic thumping beat. Twisting away, Lily pushed Nick’s seeking mouth to her neck and turned to Riley, whose wild wide eyes met hers reluctantly as if he didn’t want to stop looking at Nick’s mouth on her body. God, this was going to be so good. “Riley,” she whispered, angling her lips against his. He fell easily into the kiss, as eager and hungry as Nick was, as if he was kissing the taste of the other man onto his tongue. She arched, giving Nick more access as he trailed down along her shoulder and up again to the curve of her jaw. They both pushed toward each other—she guessed unconsciously—rubbing against her as their appointed surrogate. She didn’t care. Lily reached behind her and clutched at Nick’s hip, urging him closer to her, encouraging him to rub against her. He moaned against her ear. She moaned into Riley’s mouth, using her other hand to sneak to the front of her husband’s pants. They all swayed in one motion, dangerously close to tipping over. Lily regained enough brain cells to pull her mouth away from Riley’s greedy kisses and murmur, “Bed?” 57

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Nick responded with a grunt, rubbing his hard-on against the small of her back. She took that as a yes. When he stepped away she felt a draft of cool air and a weird sense of imbalance. “C’mon,” she whispered to Riley, who kept his hands on her as she turned and led him down the hall. They were followed by Nick’s hulking shadow, listening to his footsteps and the intermittent words—he was talking to himself. Amping himself up. Or talking himself out of it. “Take off your shirt,” she called as they disappeared into his room, reaching for the hem of hers as she paused. Riley made a hungry sound behind her and she let his grasping fingers take her shirt all the way off. She reached the doorway, Riley’s arms around her waist, and found Nick standing behind them. Shirtless. She smiled. Riley made a sound against her neck and Lily pushed back against him. They rutted together for a maddening moment; she kept her eyes on Nick’s face and the absolute naked want in his expression. “Sit down, okay?” she asked, a gesture toward the large king-sized bed neatly made up in the corner. His hungry expression never wavered. He walked past them, backward, to his bed and settled down, his hands clasped between his legs. He was staring at her, staring at them, flickering his glance between her face and Riley’s hands over her body. She stepped toward him, her hands back on Riley’s hips as they moved. Nick was schooling himself to stay still—she could see it so plainly—but ultimately he couldn’t resist reaching up to touch her stomach when she came close enough. He just avoided touching Riley’s fingers as they teased the underside of her breasts but he was staring. When Nick dragged his tongue frantically over his bottom lip, Lily took pity and leaned down to kiss him squarely on the lips.

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Chapter Twelve Lily moved in Riley’s arms, rubbing back as she took Nick’s face in her hands and kissed him. Riley caught her hips, working his hands against the fabric of her underwear to get them down past her hips, to pet the satiny skin of her ass. Every breath was labored, every movement slow and shaky as he pushed her legs apart so he could step in closer. So he could feel the damp heat of her against the straining fabric of his crotch. He kept his eyes closed, like a coward, biting his lip to keep himself in check. He could hear the soft wet sounds Nick and Lily were making, the throaty moans he well knew with her and the masculine hum of Nick’s voice. It made his throat tight with desire, jerked his hips forward to rub shamelessly against Lily as his fingers tightened on her flesh. “Riley,” Lily murmured. His eyes opened as he felt her hand reach behind to grasp his hard-on. She didn’t say anything else but the squeeze served as a reminder to slow down; Riley forced his body still, his hands still caressing her skin. Lily stood up and turned in his arms, winding around him in a familiar embrace. He tangled his fingers in her hair, nudged his hips against hers and fell into her eyes as they breathed each other’s air for a moment. She licked her lips and Riley mimicked the motion. He could hear Nick breathing heavily from the bed. He was turned-on to the point of weak knees, his entire body pulsing with desire. But the tempo mingled with fear, the worry that this would harm them—him and Lily, him and Nick. “Stop thinking so hard,” Lily whispered in his ear, her hands running eagerly over his damp skin. She dipped her hands below the waistband of his khakis, to the front where she unbuttoned him with lingering fingers. “You’re safe here,” she added, so quietly he knew Nick couldn’t overhear. Riley nodded blindly. When Lily got his pants down to his thighs, Riley moaned a little too desperately, a little too loudly. It bounced off the walls in a way that shamed him but when he tried to back away, Lily held him fast. She reached again for the waistband of his pants, to push them down lower, but he shook his head, gesturing toward Nick with a quick jut of his chin. He wasn’t ready to be naked in front of Nick; he wasn’t ready to be this incredibly vulnerable in front of him either.

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He hauled his pants back up, unbuttoned and loose around his hips but…covering enough of him to feel safe. Lily, to her credit, clearly knew what he was thinking. She touched his stomach, brushed up the hair on his chest to stroke his pecs with warm fingers. “Watch,” she said, pressing one more wet, carnal kiss on his lips before turning around. Turning her attention to Nick. His hands stayed at his sides, fists clenched. Lily turned her back to him; he watched her wiggle the rest of the way out of her underwear until they were a puddle on the floor. She stepped out of it and into the vee of Nick’s knees like Venus stepping out of her shell. Riley had a moment of fear—not the fear of being in this room with Nick and feeling so fucking turned-on he couldn’t breathe, but fear that Lily and Nick together would be as perfect as he could have imagined. And then who would want him? He couldn’t tear his gaze away from Nick’s strong masculine hands stroking over Lily’s pale skin. They looped over her back, curved her down into a wetly erotic kiss that went straight to Riley’s cock. Nick’s fingers in Lily’s hair, Nick lying back on the bed and pulling Lily on top of him. The angle he watched them was something out of a porno; they writhed on the bed as they kissed, rubbing against each other with abandon. Riley…closed his eyes. Then it was just sounds—Lily’s little breathy moans and murmured urgency from Nick. Riley heard a whispered “stop” and his eyes flew open so quickly he felt dizzy. Lily was whispering to Nick; Riley’s overactive imagination whipped up a thousand horrifying scenarios of what she was saying but when Lily leaned up and turned around she was smiling. “Come here, baby,” she said, extending her hand. Riley commanded his knees to stay strong and closed the few feet between his frozen perch and the bed. Nick sat up—still cradling Lily on his lap—and looked at him. Directly at him, almost through him like a laser. Riley faltered but the inscrutable expression intrigued him as much as it frightened him. He let Lily guide him onto the bed, until he was sitting near the headboard, putting a good two feet between Nick and his wife. Nick and his wife. Nick, who smelled like sex and looked like a Greek god with his shirt off, covered with golden Lily, her mussed hair perfectly framing her face. He felt like the ugly stepbrother in a bad fairy tale.

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“Watch,” she whispered, his lovely wife, her mouth swollen wet from Nick’s kisses. Lily turned back to Nick, drawing his attention back to her, back to their slick sucking kisses. Riley swallowed his moans, fingers twisting the plain beige coverlet tightly. He didn’t know who he was more envious of. His stomach clenched and rolled as he leaned closer; he could smell the arousal and faint perfume from Lily’s skin. He could breathe in and taste Nick’s aftershave, which did painful things to his cock. Nick slid his hands down to cup Lily’s ass and Riley’s breath caught in his throat. As Nick rolled them over—farther away from Riley—Lily made a gasping sound; it was Nick’s name, murmured with passion, and Riley felt actual pain in his chest. With furtive glances toward Riley, Nick began to work his way down Lily’s body, biting kisses over her collarbone and shoulders until he reached the beautiful upper curve of her breasts. Riley saw the flex of Nick’s perfectly sculpted back and pressed his palm to the mattress lest he do something insane. Like touch. “Harder,” Lily was whispering and Nick complied, if the sounds she was making were any indication. Riley wanted to say something, to say “she likes it when you bite her nipples”, “she likes it when you mark her hip” but he didn’t. He stared and stared until there was actual pain from not blinking. So he wasn’t prepared when the first brush against his hand pulled his eyes away from Nick’s bobbing head against the pale flesh of Lily’s torso. His eyes were drawn to his hand as it followed up Lily’s arm to her serene face. “Come here,” she whispered, licking her lips repeatedly, pursing erotically in his direction. Without hesitation, Riley leaned down, pulled by Lily’s incredible force and the bright shine of her eyes. He lost himself in her familiar taste, even as he picked up on the alien suggestion of Nick’s saliva on her tongue. When he trembled with desire, Lily smiled against his mouth and slid her hand around his neck to pull him deeper, closer. When she arched and moaned, their tongues tangled in an erotic knot, Riley couldn’t help himself. His eyes opened and glanced down her body to see Nick kneeling between her legs, his dark head bobbing up and down as he went down on Riley’s wife. It hurt so badly for a moment that Riley shook. Lily’s trembling hand raked through his hair, pulling him back down to her mouth. She bit his lip until he moaned and shook harder, hands trembling and clutching so he didn’t touch himself out of sheer desperation. Even as she arched up against Nick’s mouth, Lily’s eyes were on Riley. Her mouth moved and no sound came out, just little frantic breaths as she clutched at his face and 61

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tightened her fingers in his hair. He watched her as she rode out the orgasm, so far out of his element, so emotionally wrecked that he would have gotten up and ran if he wasn’t hard enough to cripple himself. Before he could make a decision, before anyone could do anything, Nick was moving to his right. Standing back up and sitting back down on the bed, on the other side of Lily’s still body. Riley watched as Lily turned to Nick, her hand brushing over his square jaw and trembling mouth. “Your turn now, Nick,” she said in a throaty whisper. When she moved her face back to watch Riley, he just swallowed. “Do it,” he mouthed. “Just…do it. Let him fuck you.” There was almost no volume but enough for Nick to hear him—he could hear the responding gasping moan from the other side of the bed. “Baby,” Lily smiled, sitting up to capture his mouth in a powerful kiss, all tongue and teeth to his lip until he shivered. “Pretend.” She formed the word against his mouth and he felt it down to his bones. There was no need for her to give that command. He knew exactly what he would be doing when Nick fucked his wife.

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Chapter Thirteen They left while he was sleeping. Or really, half-awake, half-avoiding. Lily kissed his cheek and pulled the covers up to his shoulders, murmuring a thank you. He didn’t hear anything from Riley, drifting back to sleep with denial or guilt or fear forming a sharp barrier from getting any true rest. He woke up abruptly at eleven p.m., alert and faintly sick to his stomach. Nick stripped the bed in a frantic rush, throwing the linens—right down to the mattress cover—into the laundry chute. As if unable to fully separate from what they meant, he followed them down—taking the stairs—and puttered around without looking over at the heap in the corner. He cleaned out the basement instead, moving boxes around, sorting through things to throw out, to donate. There wasn’t much as the basement redo was a favorite distraction of his when he ran out of ways to tamp out emotional storms. As he swept the concrete floor, Nick tried to figure out what the hell he was going to do. More than just finding another distraction—avoidance would only last until morning and then he’d be back at work, back where any moment or turn around the corner could reveal Riley or even Lily. Thing was, he didn’t want to avoid them. He wanted to snatch another bit of time with them, push the border between reality and fantasy a little harder. Reach out and touch Riley…kiss him… He shook his head. That was not what they wanted him for. That wasn’t his place. But God, Nick hoped they wanted him again. When he ran out of nonexistent dirt to erase, Nick took a long shower and contemplated regrouting the tile in there so he didn’t get any perverted ideas and hike up his sexual need another ten notches. He was afraid he’d end up humping the potted fern before he left for work in a few hours. To entirely distract himself from the subject of sex, Nick picked up his cell and dialed the long string of numbers to connect him to his twin brother Peter in Germany. No need to check the time; if Peter wasn’t hard at work in his home office, he was awake due to his chronic insomnia, a shared twin trait. Slight receding hairline, an inability to discuss their emotions, insomnia and a weird reaction to carrots. So rich their lineage. “What’s wrong?” Peter asked brusquely when he picked up the phone. Nick rolled his eyes and settled down on the corner of the couch. 63

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“Nothing.” “No one’s dead?” “Seriously? Nothing’s wrong. Chances are that means no one is dead.” Not to mention there wasn’t a whole lot of family left to die. The two of them and an elderly great-aunt in Indianapolis. “Good.” Peter paused. There was the sound of papers shuffling; another late night turned early morning of work, typical in the life of an international banker. “How are you?” Suspicion tinged his voice. “I’m…trying to avoid thinking about certain things so I thought I’d have a scintillating chat with you about nothing in particular.” “Hmmm, I feel slightly used.” Peter’s serious tone lightened slightly. “But whatever I can do to be of service.” “You can tell me about the high-flying world of international banking. Spend an extra bit of time on fluctuations of interest rates.”

***** Peter was soothing. Boring. Totally devoid of anything that reminded him of Riley or Lily. His fraternal twin had a way of making even the most interesting topic staid. It was a gift. And it was exactly what Nick needed for an hour, which was sure to put a sting in his cellphone bill next month. In the end they made tentative plans for the New Year, once the holidays were over, with Peter flying to Chicago—if work permitted. There was at least a sixty percent chance that would happen and Nick didn’t take it personally. They were so alike in that way, even with seemingly opposite lives—they were workaholics, married to their careers and tunnel-visioned when it came to everything else. But all in all, a good phone call, good idea. Good diversionary tactic, Nick thought as he stripped down and crawled into bed. The crisp, cool sheets made him shiver as he pulled the blanket up higher to cover his neck. Breathing deep, he attempted to find the thread of sleep that was gnawing at him. He could almost grasp it, almost take it in hand and let it pull him under, so tonight could be about resting and not overthinking. Overheating his brain and his body until he forgot anything resembling logic… The bedside clock said 2:42. He closed his eyes tightly, imagined sitting on the side of a boat, bobbing in the lake. Tired from a day of fishing, absorbing the sound of the waves…floating away… Except lizard-sex brain went to sleep first and his rational mind woke up. If he filtered out the sex, if he didn’t fantasize about what Riley might be thinking, all he saw was his best friend’s face and the expression that was part pain and part fear.

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He knew Riley’s anxieties and how it manifested into myriad expressions. He knew, as his own eyes flew open, that Riley would never say “stop, this is hurting me” because he didn’t know how. The guilt reared up in a wave until Nick had to sit up just to be able to breathe. Fuck, so selfish. If Lily wanted this—Riley would never say no. Not just because he wanted her to have whatever she desired. But because he didn’t value himself enough to be enough for her. He still couldn’t believe he’d landed this girl and she wanted him and God. God. So fucking selfish. Nick crawled out of bed and staggered into the living room. He had no idea where he was going until he was moving back down the hallway into Riley’s empty room. He sat on the floor staring into the pitch blackness for the rest of the night.

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Chapter Fourteen Lily was fixing the bed but it was more than a straightening of sheets and blankets. Everything was askew, the remnants of not a sexual D-Day but an emotional one. Tossing and turning all night, both of them. Bottom sheets rucked up and the top sheet kicked into a small ball at the foot of the bed. Pillows on the floor. Probably the same way the bed looked at Nick’s house, when he woke up alone. Lily and embarrassment didn’t exist in the same space very often; she worked a long time on having a no-apologies life and particularly when it came to things of a sexual nature. But right now? Right now she felt like her face caught fire. The shower continued in the other room; Riley working on emptying the hot water tank…twice. He hadn’t said much after they left Nick’s house. A quiet drive home, even quieter as they crept into the bedroom. She had wrapped him in her arms, stripped off both their clothes and he came, shivering and quiet against her neck. Then just a kiss and an “I love you” murmured into her hair. The blank expression on his face generally spoke to an evening gone especially well, a round of play he couldn’t come down easily from. But it hadn’t been much play for Riley. He’d watched, wide-eyed and shivering, as she and Nick fucked. He’d lain on the bed and watched them as they rested afterward. He’d rolled over into the pillow as Nick pretended to sleep, dazed and overwhelmed as Lily herself. Lily’s breath tightened in her chest, burning her lungs with an anxious sting. She tried not to panic. She left the sheets, stripped out of her hastily thrown-on sweats and walked into the steamy dampness of the bathroom. No humming, no off-key warbling under the steady pound of the water. Lily waited for a moment, watching her husband through the opaque white curtain. He was just standing there. “Riley?” she said softly, pulling the curtain back just enough to step into the tub. “Hey, save a little for me.” He didn’t turn around; she could read the radiating pain through his muscular shoulders and the taut line of his neck. She reached around to warm her hands before brushing them over the rock-hard muscles at the center of his back. “Sorry,” he said listlessly, voice distorted by the water.

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She made a nonsense soothing sound, pressing her fingers into a knot at the base of his skull. “Hush. Why didn’t you tell me?” Lily rotated her fingers against the hardness and felt the shudder of pain that went like a wave through Riley’s body. “I thought the hot water would help,” he whispered. He was almost choking on the pain and Lily felt her own frustration well up into something uncontrollable in a flash. “Well okay, there’s no water left in Chicago at this point so why don’t we go back to bed and you let me take care of it.” The sound of her voice snapped in her own ears. Riley stiffened under her fingers. “I have to get to work. Going to the gym at lunch—I’ll work it out.” He dunked his head under the spray once then ducked out of the tub. Lily realized he’d never even turned around to face her. She avoided the confrontation, the reality of how she’d messed this up. The water turned cool as she washed her hair and scrubbed as much of the guilt off her skin as she could. In a perfect world—in her version of it at least—Lily would always know the right thing to do. In the middle of the chaos that was her childhood and her job and her own head, knowing the right thing to do was the most important thing in keeping control. And control, sometimes control was all Lily had to her name. Therapy and a nice enough foster home got her over the first thirteen years of her life. Thank God for early puberty and the fact that she lost the sick appeal her stepfather saw in her. Thank God for him abandoning her mother and her mother’s skid into mental illness because then—finally—Lily could take control of her destiny. Cry in front of a guidance counselor, rat out her mother, get sent someplace clean and anonymous. Quiet, where Lily could think and figure out what to do next. Her foster parents were nice people; they didn’t see themselves so much as nurturing new parents but rather a stop in the railroad of the foster care system. They provided modest but clean essentials, made sure you ate three meals a day, did your homework and went to weekly therapy sessions. They didn’t tolerate bullshit so if you were cooperative, kept that chip on your shoulder well-hidden, it would all work out. Lily worked it. She was polite and helpful. She used every second of that weekly forty-five minutes in the shrink’s office to get her head straight. Fourteen with a blistering high IQ and an innate sense that no one was going to do jack shit for her in this life—it was up to her. All of it. The waitressing at the leather club was a pure accident of a pretty girl with a spine of steel answering an ad. It wasn’t the most upscale place in Atlanta, but like the foster home, it was good enough to get you through. She paid her college tuition on tips and when she turned twenty-one, her boss slid his arm around her waist and asked if she wanted a promotion.

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So Lily found what she was good at, at least good enough—because a good dominatrix knows people, reads people but never gets too emotionally involved—to pay her way. Then she was done because…because she felt lonely and tired of performing the role, that endlessly confident, effortlessly alone woman that didn’t come close to who she saw in the mirror. So then came a degree. Then another. And a fresh start in Chicago. And Riley. No more loneliness. She left the bed unmade this time, checking her messages on the work phone as she slipped into a pair of trousers and a simple black twin set. Today was her late day; in at eleven, home somewhere before midnight. Perfect for both she and Riley to practice avoidance. Lily dialed into her office as she walked toward the car. Suspicious neighbors—a set on either side—watched her from their front windows. Why they’d picked this neighborhood, she had no idea. Right—not much money, slim pickings on their combined salaries. “Maybe I should go back to the club,” Lily said aloud, a scant second of lunacy before her coworker Norma slid onto the line. “Hi, it’s crazy, tell me you’re coming in with Starbucks,” Norma exhaled as Lily slammed the door shut. “Give me twenty minutes so long as there’s no traffic.” Norma laughed in her ear. “Okay, give me forty minutes and I’m assuming you want the vat-sized coffee.” “Get me two.” Norma sighed, her Louisiana twang making Lily briefly homesick— longing for a world that didn’t actually exist. “That bad.” It wasn’t a question. “Drive fast.” Norma hung up as Lily heard the other lines blowing up in the background. Yeah, avoiding Riley was going to be easy today.

***** As a part of the Child Protective Services division of the circuit court, Lily handled Child Protection Mediation; for five years she’d been a fierce fighter for every child assigned to her by the judge, never swayed by tears or pleas or threats of the parents. It was her “gift”—and about ten percent of everything she did was her revenge against all the adults who’d failed her as a child. Nothing complex about it.

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Norma greeted her with a joyful smile—for the coffee—and a stack of messages, eight overwhelming files and a batting of eyelashes, which meant “please, answer a phone”. Happy for the distraction, Lily grabbed everything and disappeared into her office to block out everything but her clients. “Line two. And four.” Norma’s voice broke into Lily’s quiet office. She reached for the phone and noticed four hours had passed. Jesus. “Lily Henshaw.” “Hey.” Nick’s voice, normally deep and strong, was hushed through the line. “Bad time to talk?” “Uh.” Lily saw line four still blinking. “I need a coffee break. Are you at the station?” “Buried in paperwork, also in need of a coffee break,” Nick said drily. “Forty-five minutes at the coffee shop?” “Yeah, sounds good.” Lily hung up before either one could say anything else and picked up line four, where a court clerk desperately needed a rescheduled hearing. The lunch crowd had trickled out, and only a few patrons remained in the small court-supported dive on the corner. Lily got a table in the back, near enough to the window to see when Nick walked in. She ran her hands through her hair, trying to pull herself together. The crush of work didn’t distract her enough and she could still see the hard tension in Riley’s body this morning. This…thing…with Nick seemed the solution—maybe they should have talked more. Clearly she should have put more rules into place, formalized the scene, talked to Nick first. Forced Riley to just speak the truth instead of coddling him—it did none of them any good… “Lily?” She blinked and looked up; Nick loomed over the table all neat and pulled together in his court suit and slicked-back hair. She could almost forget they’d slept together. Except for the expression of fear and hunger on his face. For some reason, that put Lily at ease or at least enough to smile. She gestured toward the empty chair. “Sit.” She let him see her smile and it seemed to relax him enough to unbend from the locked standing position. A waitress walked by and Lily said, “Coffee, two, black, please,” before she could uncap her pen. She turned and headed back to the counter without a word. Nick grinned despite the pale undertone of his olive skin and shook his head. “You’re good at that.” “What?” Lily rubbed her hands against her pants.

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“I don’t know—telling people exactly what you want without making it sound bossy.” His words really didn’t have much to do with coffee and maybe he realized that after they were out of his mouth; Lily stiffened, biting her lip. “Lily Henshaw, bowling over people and their feelings for years now,” she said dryly. She laid her arms on the table as Nick’s head dropped. “No, I didn’t mean it like that.” “Whether you did or not—it’s true. It’s why we’re here, barely able to look at each other.” Nick sighed, one hand rubbing over his eyes. “Lily, I didn’t call you to uh…start anything, okay? I’m just worried about Riley. I get we’re all adults here and I’m not passing judgment on you or anyone, but I don’t think what happened was such a good idea.” Lily’s mouth was dry. Of course Nick’d picked up on Riley’s distress. The fact that he’d seen it before she did…that part she didn’t like. “I should have talked to you before that—sexual ambush,” she said quietly. “I should have made things clearer.” Nick watched her, like a cop, like he was trying to read her mind. “And I certainly should have asked more questions. I know better.” “Me too.” Lily leaned closer. “But I tend to be a little emotional when it comes to Riley.” Nick didn’t say anything in response to that. He didn’t have to. “I thought that inviting you to uh…be there, with us, it would help.” She sighed heavily. She thought about Riley’s face, the closed-off stance in the shower. Suddenly tears pricked behind Lily’s eyes. She blinked rapidly, pinching her thigh to keep from crying. “Riley’s—he’s very upset.” “Yeah, I thought he might be.” Nick swallowed hard. Lily watched his darting eyes, his slumped posture. “He said yes, he gave consent but I feel like I pushed too hard, thinking this would…help.” Nick gave her the strangest look—sad and hopeful at once. “Like I said, I’m not judging what you…need, Lily. I care about you a lot but Riley is…he’s been…” His voice trailed off as he played with the burnt and cracked corner of the table. “I can’t do this with him being so upset.” They sat in silence and Lily cycled his words. And then her sadness started to give way into “pissed off”. This wasn’t about her, this was about them and she was tired of it sitting on her shoulders. “So this is all on me then. You get off, I get the blame,” she said sotto voce, one hand fisted in her blonde ponytail. Nick blinked at her and she almost yanked her hair in frustration.

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He stiffened in his chair, shoulders back and all Boy Scout preparedness, giving her his best “witness for the prosecution” expression. “What else is there to talk about? You wanted Riley to watch you with another man. Apparently he wasn’t all that thrilled by it—or the fact that it was me.” There was a streak of iron in Nick’s voice even as his expression didn’t change. “I may have lost my best friend because I was…lonely and stupid and you were…” “Watch it. You are completely wrong. That is not what this is about,” she snapped. “I disagree.” That neutral bland expression made her bite down on her lip and fuck, if someone else could be the adult for five minutes? That would be great. But no. “You disagree? You think I slept with you for me? You’re fucking deluding yourself. Still.” Nick’s eyes widened fractionally. “How about the fact that you’re in love with my husband?” The whispered bomb dropped in the center of the table a scant few seconds before the waitress returned with their coffees. She clattered around the table for a long moment then disappeared into the back. Nick just looked shell-shocked. Lily didn’t think he blinked. “I’m not stupid, you know? I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at him for all this time. I remember when you hated me for being with him, for being there, for having the fucking wherewithal to actually tell him how I feel instead of skulking around my feelings.” The venom and hurt bubbled up inside her, like an earthquake-revealed spring down deep. “I was the intruder, right? Stepping in where you wanted to be.” She sighed, shaking hands reaching for the steaming cup in front of her. The fiddling with sugars and cream gave her time to gather a few shreds of rational thought together. “Like now right? I’m the substitute. I’m the one in the way.” His mouth opened and closed. “That’s—that’s not entirely true.” “Yeah, I know. It wasn’t a hardship to fuck me.” Her words cut through the space between them. “But you still want him. What happened didn’t…it didn’t help the way I thought it would.” He drank his coffee black and probably too hot, to keep from answering her. She predicted every sip, every swallow of stalling until she wanted to scream. “Help? What did you think it would help?” His voice was low and tentative. “I’m thinking you’re expecting to hear this was about my marriage but it isn’t. Riley and I love each other—there’s no issue there.” Nick touched the cup to the saucer. Lily saw the shake of his wrist and how hard he controlled it. “Not about you then—what you want.” Not a question. Lily laughed bitterly. “Not a hardship to fuck you, Nick, really, but no—not about me.” “Then that leaves…” Nick’s breath stuttered and he reached up to loosen his tie. 71

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“Which leaves the person we both love who…who loves us both right back and is terrified of what he feels.” The angry tears choked her. She just wanted what was best for Riley. She wanted to solve all his problems, to be the person who fixed it all. “I can’t do this alone, Nick—I hate asking for help, I hate not being able to handle it. But it’s just not working the way it needs to. He needs you.” Nick’s Mediterranean tan didn’t hold up to that little outburst and he went still, pale and green. “Riley,” he said faintly. “Needs me.” He clearly couldn’t wrap his mind or tongue around the word love. The dawning crash of reality made a really loud sound, even outside Nick’s head and Lily felt momentarily sorry for him. “This is about my husband—who I love more than anything—being unable to tell you for five goddamn years how much he wanted you. And now I’m trying to fix it. It eats him up inside whether he chooses to face it or not. Eventually—it’s going to come between us some day—that’s what I’m afraid of.” The words ran out of her and Nick’s expression grew more and more desperate. Nick shook his head. The cup clattered into the saucer and in a second he was up and headed back toward the swinging doors that led to the restroom. Lily watched him go, the air going out of her. She laid her arms on the table and rested her forehead on them.

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Chapter Fifteen In the bathroom, Nick ran the cold water over his hands until his teeth chattered. He threw handful after handful of the stinging water up into his face, breathing back the overwhelming anxiety he felt. He came here to put a stop to this. He came here to tell her that after the other night, with Riley looking so desperately unhappy, no amount of sex was worth it. He came here to do the “right thing” when all this time he knew he’d been thinking only of himself. And so in the face of all this brilliant adult behavior Nick got a kick in the balls. This wasn’t about Riley watching someone with his wife. This was about…God, he couldn’t even articulate the thought. Riley wanted him. He used a handful of paper towels to dry his face and collar. When his knees locked again he pushed off the counter and back out the way he came, the blind panic settled into a painful twist in his heart. All he had to have done was make a move. Ask. Talk to his best friend over the course of five fucking years and he would have said yes. It made him sick. “Welcome back,” Lily said softly, her blue eyes wide and watery as he sat back down. “You okay?” “No.” Nick’s voice was just a croak at this point. He could barely raise his eyes to Lily’s face, irrationally angry at her for existing in the first place and for ripping the scab off his wounds at this late date. “He didn’t want you to know. He thought—he thinks you don’t feel the same way.” Her tone was flat. “Fucking ironic, right?” Nick closed his eyes. “Yeah.” “I hate breaking his confidence but I-I need your help, Nick. I need to have it out in the open and dealt with before I lose him. Before we both lose him.” He opened his eyes with a snap. “We? I can’t imagine him ever wanting to look me in the eye again.” Lily rolled her eyes at him. “Really? How could you tell? You can’t look at him either. You’re both focused on me, using me or you’re…you’re mad at me for not making it all better!” Her hands clenched into fists.

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“You should have said something.” The words came out quickly and the second they left his tongue, Nick felt absolute regret. The expression on Lily’s face was pure fury. “I should have said something? Me? Fuck you.” Her voice broke a little and she stood up, gathering her purse and jacket in a fumbling rush. “Sorry, sorry. Lily, sit down, I’m sorry.” The few patrons in the diner were more concerned over their court-related dealings that brought them to this part of town, but they were collecting stares. Nick did a quick recon to make sure it was no one who knew any of the three of them. Lily sat back down, kicking Nick in the shin with her pointy shoe. He had the insane urge to laugh—except that might just drive her to kill him. “Fuck you,” she said again, wiping her hand over her eyes. “Agreed.” Nick sighed, leaning his elbows on the table. “I’m a fucking idiot.” Lily nodded. Sniffled. Nick wanted to pull her into his arms and cry with her. “We have to talk—really talk. I can’t lose him, Nick.” “And you won’t. You guys love each other. Riley just…okay, even if he has these feelings…for me…” The words tightened in his throat. “He married you. You’re the most important thing to him.” Her expression softened but he could still see her misgivings. “We’ll talk. We’ll…we’ll sit on Riley until he listens and we get this out in the open. No more of the other stuff.” Nick felt the pang of regret but it didn’t compare to his fear of messing things up between Riley and Lily. “That might not be what he wants,” Lily said softly. “It’s not what he wants now.” “Don’t be so sure.” “Seriously, Lily—you’re giving me a headache here.” Nick ground his heels into the linoleum floor. “Riley wants me but he won’t say anything. You thought this…this sex thing would help. It didn’t. So we get it out in the open. We move on from this.” Lily’s eyes were so sad Nick had to look away. “How do you move on from loving someone? This isn’t about wishing it all away, Nick. This is about dealing with it. This is about telling the truth.” “We tell the truth, we find a way to deal,” he shot back. “What I want…” He shook his head. “We find a way to deal.” “What do you want?” “Lily.” “I mean it—what do you want? Tell me and I’ll tell you what I want and then we’ll ask Riley and if everyone tells the truth, then—only then can we move on.” Nick drank a swallow of his stone-cold coffee, exasperated and literally wrecked for the rest of the goddamn afternoon. He wanted to run for a hundred miles, until he 74

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collapsed in a dehydrated puddle. He wanted to go to the club and lose absolute control. He wanted Riley so bad it hurt. “What I want…” He tried again to avoid the answer but Lily was shaking her head. “Tell me the truth.” He sighed. “I want—I want Riley.” She nodded like the answer wasn’t a surprise, like he wasn’t telling her he loved her husband. “Anything else?” He looked at her, watched the light of her eyes and the curve of her jaw and thought about how easy it was to lose himself in her body. Riley terrified him. Lily made it—easy to want and get what he needed. “I think I might want you too,” he murmured. That surprised her. In some ways, it surprised him. But deep down, in any scenario he could imagine Riley in his arms—Lily was there. There was no separating them now. He saw the blink, the tiny pink blush high on her cheeks. “Not a hardship,” she said again, softly. Her hands twisted on the table and Nick reached out to brush his fingers against her cool skin. “What do you want?” Lily took a breath, deep and shuddering, as she watched where their hands touched. “I want Riley to be happy. I want to be able to give him everything.” Nick shook his head. “No—no, that’s what you want for him. What do you want?” She started to speak again and frowned, like the question was too hard to fathom another answer for. “I want…I want it to be easier.” “Easier with Riley.” She nodded. “That doesn’t sound right. I just mean—let’s really put our cards on the table, Nick. I know where you go on date night. I know because I’ve been to those places, I’ve freaking worked those places.” Her eyes found his. “Riley’s mine. I give him everything I can. I’m responsible for him. You’re part of that. Bottom line. I need you to help me.” Nick was running out of ways to be gob smacked during this discussion. “I…” Lily gave him a hand wave. “Please don’t ask me how I know. I just do. I’m guessing bisexual top, more power than pain.” She smiled as his jaw dropped, some light coming back in her face. “Yeah, I’m that good.” “Fuck.” It was a blown-out breath. “You get to drop that bombshell on Riley when we all talk,” she added. “He thinks you’re too conservative for any of that.” “Seriously?” 75

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“Seriously. Your inability to read each other is, quite frankly, pathetic. You had a freaking submissive living with you for five years, following your every suggestion and direction without thinking, taking care of him on a day-to-day basis, and it never even occurred to you, did it?” Her tone said “idiot” and Nick shook his head, feeling every inch one. Fail, on so many levels—for everyone involved. “So when do we…” Nick swallowed another quarter of hideous cold coffee out of sheer desperation for the caffeine. “Tonight. It’ll have to be late though. Can we come over to your place? Our house is sort of—a zone at the moment.” Lily shifted in her chair, reaching into her purse for her wallet. Nick nodded even as his entire being was screaming “nonono”. “Whenever you want.” She gave him an appraising look under her sooty lashes, throwing a ten on the table. “Riley will get there before me.” “You should come together,” Nick said, a little desperate. He added his own ten to the table—which meant their five-dollar tab would yield a nice tip for their missing-inaction waitress. Points for privacy. “I think you two need a little time.” Lily stood up, the wobble in her stance something Nick could relate to. “Lily.” She hand waved him. “I should be there by twelve-thirty. I’ll call.” She gathered herself and her things and stepped around him, headed for the door. Impulsively, Nick reached out to grasp her hand, squeezing it tightly before letting her go.

***** Nick all but stumbled back to the precinct like his coffee break had been at the local bar. Curious eyes followed him from the door to his office until he could close the door and tighten the blinds from prying eyes. “You want messages?” Nick hadn’t been in his seat five seconds before the door cracked open and Louis Knight, one of his detectives, stuck his head in. The knock was implied. “Yeah, sorry I took so long.” Nick rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. Louis waited a few beats before clearing his throat. A few pink slips of paper, collected by whomever answered the phones, were dropped on his desk. “You okay?” “It’s personal. I’m just…” Nick shook his head then smiled up at his friend. “I’m fine. Thanks for these.” Louis nodded. “You want off-limits for a while?” 76

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“Unless it’s an emergency.” They’d been working together long enough for Nick to know he didn’t have to say more. Louis just turned and walked out, shutting the door tightly behind him. Nick leaned back in his chair, stripped down to the bone. He didn’t know where to rest his eyes, which burned hotly in his skull. He needed a drink in the worst possible way. Five years. He’d wasted five long years pining for a man who was his for the taking. Lily’s words pounded through his head with an angry staccato beat. All he had to do was open his eyes, reach out and God, what would his life have been like? Even if he and Riley talked, even if they figured out this thing between them—Lily was still there. Riley’s wife, who clearly loved him desperately, who clearly would do anything for him. Did he not imagine doing everything in his power for Riley if he were his? But now if he wanted anything, if he were able to seize this moment and extract anything at all from it, it would involve sharing Riley with Lily. Sharing a piece of him because whatever this madness they’d descended into, there was still a marriage in place. Nick respected that. And even in that respect lay a tantalizing epic fact—Riley wanted him. Nick could satisfy that craving, that wish, so long in the making. He could do it with Lily there. He could do it with an easing up on the guilt and shame that ate away at him. Dangerous thoughts cycled through his head. He imagined Riley under his hands, a crisply sarcastic “yes sir” from his mouth… No. Except…yes. Now he was getting his desperate little piece of the desire he had for Riley (and Lily) with an added bonus. Reciprocation. His phone buzzed in his pocket and Nick almost shot out of his chair. It was a text from Lily and he opened it with shaking hands. Be there at ten. Kissing yes, everything else waits for me. Nick almost swallowed his tongue.

***** The rest of the day passed in a vicious blur. Nick hit every one of his stops on the way home—the gym for an hour, the grocery, the dry cleaner, the liquor store. He burned up three hours, until he crashed through the front door with shaking hands and an eye on the clock. Nine. He had an hour before Riley arrived. He didn’t need to tidy up but God help his horny deviant soul—he changed the fucking sheets. He could barely anchor each end of the bottom sheet on the corners of

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the mattress, because oh, Riley, stripped down to his khakis, painfully hard and shaking as he kissed Lily, as Nick pounded into her beautiful body and shit, how much Nick had wanted to lean over and kiss those bitten lips and coax relaxation into that frightened face. Or maybe—or maybe this was all just more of an unfulfilled fantasy and when Nick told Riley the truth he’d deck him. Or Lily was wrong. Or—insert every word of denial Nick could think of. Nick finished the bed. He cracked a window to get some air in and threw his dirty clothes in the hamper. Quality time staring into the bathroom mirror while he washed his face was tough; he couldn’t get the wave of emotion out of his eyes. To give himself something to do, Nick made grilled cheese sandwiches. It seemed— stupidly civilized. Emotional showdown—now with comfort food. Nick set out dinner along with the semi-good china his second ex-wife had left them. It was a gift from an aunt she hated and since the Wedgewood was “more appropriate for parties”—and Nick never gave parties—she’d left him with the seventies floral pattern in orange and green. It was hideous and Nick kinda liked it. He thought about Kera as he laid out silverware and napkins and glasses and the giant bag of chips from the pantry. Marrying a rocket scientist he’d known for six months seemed a good idea—okay, he knew it was a terrible idea but Kera was smart and ridiculously beautiful, in a romance novel cliché sort of way. And Nick was painfully lonely. All his bad mistakes relationship wise were usually courtesy of that. So they got married, stay married for two years, had a great deal of extremely hot and satisfying sex and divorced because outside of bed, there was literally nothing. Not enough connection and passion to work up to “pissed off” and “angry” or even care. They got divorced, she took the Wedgewood and four months later, Riley arrived at the station as their new Victim’s Services contact, shy and gorgeous and needing a place to stay. Once again, Nick was painfully lonely and Riley was there. His hands shook at little as he opened the fridge door to grab a six-pack of Singha beer. In jeans and a T-shirt, Nick paced the living room with a beer in his hand, watching the second hand of the clock tick tick tick until it was ten ten. His phone buzzed from across the room and he grabbed it as the last of message was coming through. Downstairs. Can I come up? It twisted in Nick’s heart, that Riley was downstairs and reluctant to use his key. Nick didn’t text back; he hit dial and waited for Riley to pick up. “Nick.” His voice was soft.

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“Please come upstairs,” Nick murmured into the line. The intimacy of his voice, Riley’s sigh through the line… “Okay.” Riley hung up and Nick dropped the phone back onto the table near the door. He counted the seconds as he tracked Riley’s progress; the opening door, the steps up the stairs. The pause outside the door. He opened it, swinging it to reveal Riley, in disreputable jeans and a tight gray Tshirt, hands stuffed in his pockets. His eyes were focused somewhere on the floor to the right of Nick’s bare feet. “You never have to ask to come in here,” Nick said and Riley shrugged. “Not my house anymore.” “Always your house, idiot.” Nick reached out but stopped at the last second— touching Riley at this moment was likely to detonate a bomb. Riley dodged his hand, careful and quick, and darted past Nick into the apartment.

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Chapter Sixteen Riley was a walking, talking, living, breathing crisis at the moment. Sexual identity crisis. Marriage crisis. One thousand percent out of control to the point where he’d taken a sick day about five minutes after he’d gotten to work and hidden away from his life—until about a half hour ago—in a dive bar by the waterfront. He smelled like a brewery. And fish. The liquor was paced out enough he could stand but his motorcycle was still at work because…drunk. Just…intoxicated and sick and looking anywhere but Nick. “Lily said we were talking tonight,” he blurted out, walking an aimless figure eight through the living room and into the kitchen. “Yeah. She and I had coffee today.” The front door shut and Riley’s hand locked on the refrigerator door handle. “We thought it was a good idea.” “Wow, that’s fucking great. Good for you two.” There was no heat behind the words. They were just hard square bricks dropping to the floor. “So what am I doing wrong?” Nick slid into the opening between the kitchen and the living room, his frown loud and rubbing Riley the wrong way. He turned away to open the fridge and take out a beer. “What?” “What. Am. I. Doing. Wrong? You two had your little coffee klatch—what did I do?” His voice wavered dangerously, the lack of sleep and abundance of liquor pushing his nerves to the limit. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Nick’s patient, authoritative voice, the one that made Riley’s stomach drop five stories, even now. “I think—I think me and Lily screwed up.” Riley unscrewed the top on the bottle and put it to his lips, not swallowing. Not breathing really as his heart slammed rhythmically in his chest. “How?” “We didn’t talk about what this was,” Nick did a hand wave. “What this was all about.” He was going to lose the bottle; it was going to slip out of his hands, hit the floor and explode all over Nick’s clean clean floor. Sort of a metaphor for how Riley felt right now. “So what is this all about?” he asked faintly as Nick took a tentative step into the room.

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“Lily, told me things,” Nick said softly. The expression on his face was a mixture of discomfort and stoicism. Riley closed his eyes. “I didn’t realize,” Nick sighed. “If I had known, Riley—if I had any clue, I would have never agreed to this without us talking first.” Oh God, what did Lily tell him? Riley’s eyes fluttered open. “I’m…sorry,” he blurted out. “I didn’t want you to know.” Nick took another step, closing the gap between them to a mere few feet. “Why not?” His expression—Riley couldn’t bear to look into his face. “Because I know you don’t….” Riley shook his head. “I’m sorry. I swear to God, I never would have said anything. I swear.” Sweat beaded down the back of his neck, adrenaline giving him a narcotic-like rush through his body. “Riley, calm down.” Nick took two steps and put his hands on Riley’s shoulders, the first indication and realization that Riley was indeed having a motherfucking anxiety attack in the middle of Nick’s kitchen. “It’s okay.” But it was far from okay and Riley felt everything rising up like a tide over his head. He wrenched himself away from Nick’s hands—close, too close—and stumbled out of the kitchen and down the hall to the bathroom that was formerly his. He emptied his stomach in a rush of choking pain, hands clenched around the damp porcelain of the bowl. The anxiety attack withered down to tremors; a few minutes after he’d run into the bathroom he felt every bit of energy—nervous and otherwise—disappear from his body. Riley rinsed his mouth out, leaning heavily on the sink as his legs wobbled. Without turning his head he knew Nick was hovering at the doorway. For now he ignored him. Which did him no good because a second later Nick drifted into the room with a bottle of water. “You okay?” Such an innocuous question. So very ridiculous. “Drank too much,” Riley muttered. He looked at his reflection and winced. Red eyes, high spots of color on his cheeks, chapped lips. “Hmmm. That was a really smart idea then.” “Don’t make me hit you.” “Drink the water. I have food if you think you can handle it. Probably do you some good.” Nick’s voice held a direct, even-keeled tone that made Riley shiver. “When’s Lily getting here?” He ignored the quiet direction and ran his hands through his hair, trying to shove it down into something not so…shaken-up troll doll. “Not sure.” Nick twitched. 81

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He caught the movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to face his friend fully. “What?” “What? Nothing.” A blink of a second later, all he saw was Nick’s back. Somehow Nick being uncomfortable enabled Riley to walk out of the bathroom and into the dining room. Nick sat at the table, ripping a grilled cheese sandwich into pieces. He gestured toward a place setting—and another bottle of water dripping condensation—while attempting to look casual. It was almost like old times. Except, of course, that Nick had slept with Lily—at her behest. At their behest. Now they were going to talk and somehow that was the worst part of it all. Lily had already told Nick and she was going to make him address it, Riley knew it in his bones. He wildly resented the forcing of his hand as he opened the bottle of water. He hated Lily for her control over him even as he wished she’d just hurry up and get here. He hated Nick for being Nick and making him want him so much. “Eat something,” Nick said and Riley rolled his eyes. “No.” Nick huffed at his petulance. A second later a sandwich and a pile of chips were dumped on his plate. A curl of hot anger twisted through Riley’s gut. “I said no.” He heard the pitch of his own voice rising. “I really need you sober for this conversation,” Nick said matter-of-factly. “Why? You and Lily started without me, you can finish it.” He stood up, pushing the chair behind him with a loud squeak against the floor. “I’m outta here.” “No, you’re not.” Nick looked up with hard eyes. “Please, by all means, try to stop me.”

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Chapter Seventeen All the fluttery fear and need Nick had been experiencing since his conversation with Lily, since Riley walked into the house—it all laid down in quiet submission as a need to control the situation rolled up through Nick’s body like tanks barreling over a hostile landscape. The napkin dropped out of his hand and he was standing in a few flexes of his muscles, rising over Riley with the height and the breadth to be intimidating. Which Riley just bared his teeth at. On paper it wasn’t much of a match; Riley was smaller, Nick was trained. Riley’s pallor and shaking hands told Nick he was still amped up on adrenaline from the panic attack but weakened by the day of alcohol abuse and no food. “Sit down, Riley.” He tried to modulate his voice and as the words reached his ears he realized how much it sounded like something he’d say at the club, the way he’d say it. Riley’s eyes narrowed even as he swallowed hard. “I’m waiting downstairs for Lily,” he tried again. “No.” Nick saw the flicker of indecision in Riley’s expression. Fight or flight. He made his mind up a second later, skirting around the table and heading for the door. His hand shot out and Nick’s fingers closed on Riley’s muscular biceps. It didn’t stop the forward motion so much as divert it; Riley swung in his direction with a sweeping left hook that connected with Nick’s jaw—just enough to make him stagger. Nick held on, dodging the next swing. “Stop this shit,” he muttered, bracing himself to withstand Riley’s angry, haphazard swings. “Don’t make me take you down.” And that was something you said to a perp—not what you tell your best friend who you’re fucking in love with, especially not when he’s pissed off and scared. Nick dug his feet into the floor as Riley’s fists swung faster, connecting with his stomach. They fell over the pushed-back dining room chair and Nick flailed as he hit the floor, Riley falling down on top of him. They struggled for a moment—Nick used more of his high school wrestling training than he had in all his years on the force, pinning his arms to his sides with a tight embrace. Back to front. Riley didn’t go easily. He snapped his head back, clocking Nick against the jaw before he could get out of the way entirely.

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“Jesus Christ, stop,” Nick shouted. He tasted the coppery tang of blood on the inside of his cheek. “Fuck you.” Riley squirmed against him. Nick’s head fell back against the floor with a heavy clunk. It was so wrong, this entire moment. Particularly when he got hard. Riley felt it a second later. He kicked his legs hard, almost frantic—Nick let him go. Fuck his life, seriously. Rolling off, Riley ended up on his hands and knees next to Nick, very clearly determined to not look at him. “So, question. That ever happen when you’re taking down a criminal?” Riley asked wearily, his head ducked down. Nick sighed. “Never.” “Okay then.” Riley crawled over to the couch, sliding onto it to lie face down. Rolling over, Nick stayed on the floor, watching Riley’s still form, debating a thousand moves to make. He’d spent so many years not taking things where he wanted to be and now seemed as bad a time as any but… But. He sat up, moved toward the couch like he was approaching a bomb. When he rested his hand at the small of Riley’s back, it set off a shudder in both of them. “You okay?” he murmured, his hand moving in small circles. “No.” Riley sighed as he turned his head so he could look at Nick. “You?” “No.” “Thank God. If you were handling this better I would have to hate you.” Nick huffed out a laugh. “Jackass.” They sat quietly for a few minutes, the clock loudly ticking and the occasional car passing down the street. “I wish I’d said something,” Nick confessed suddenly. Riley started under his hand but settled a second later. “You really—you wanted to?” “Yeah. And I’m sorry I didn’t.” Riley nodded as if considering this. He took a deep breath. “Me too. Except you have to understand I love Lily.” He rolled to his side; Nick’s hand slid to his hip and neither made a move to dislodge it. “I wish some things were different but—I’m never going to be sorry I met her. I’m never ever leaving her.” Nick swallowed. “Fair enough. And I’ve overcome my jealousy of her by apparently…finding her incredibly attractive.” Riley’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, I figured you weren’t faking it the other night.”

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“She’s incredible.” Nick smiled, snaking his hand down Riley’s thigh, marveling at how wonderful and bizarre it was to touch him so easily. “But I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” It was meant as a tease but Riley’s expression set off warning bells in Nick’s head. “I mean it,” Nick said slowly. “Lily loves you more than anything.” “I know.” Riley’s answer was quick and defensive. “She just wants you to have—whatever it is you want.” Riley dropped his head back down on the couch, his legs curling up toward his stomach. “Why? That’s just…it’s fucking stupid. I told her she was enough. She’s everything,” he babbled. “Why doesn’t she realize that?” Nick’s hand moved up Riley’s side. His warm palm stroked over the ruched-up shirt, the muscular curve of his back—mapping out Riley like he’d never had permission to do before. It wasn’t sexual, it was comforting or at least it was meant to be. When Riley vibrated with anxiety and…more…Nick froze. “I told her,” Riley said, his voice punched out and hollow. “I told her I didn’t need…” He moved so slowly but so unexpectedly that Nick almost jumped out of his skin when Riley’s hand closed over his. “Okay,” Nick replied because he didn’t know what else to say. They were both saying all the right things and they believed every syllable but at the same time—it felt so good to touch Riley, to hear him breathing heavy and needy. “I don’t…” “Don’t what? Deserve it?” Nick sighed as their hands generated a powerful heat that burned through his skin. “Me either. I still want to kiss you.” The words drew a sound from Riley, something not quite a moan but enough that Nick felt his torture. It would make it real—even more real than the sex with Lily. More than all his tortured thoughts. Their tortured thoughts. It was all so stupid and ridiculous; Nick lifted himself off the floor and pressed himself into Riley’s face at the same time he sat up from the couch. They were drawn together like inevitable magnets, an awkward pause of twisting their heads and aligning their mouths and then—and then Nick took a deep breath and laid his lips against Riley’s. As far as first kisses went, it wasn’t going to set off fireworks or inspire poetry, but Nick thought it might be the best of his life. Because for all the times he’d thought about it didn’t compare to the reality of Riley’s willing mouth opening to his. Taste didn’t register—it was all warmth and wetness, the easy slide of tongue against tongue, Riley pliant under his hands. That—that set it off the scales and Nick steadied every muscle in his body not connected to his stroking palm against Riley’s back and his mouth. Just kissing, nothing else. In the back of his mind he heard Lily and he pulled back ever so slightly from the kiss to inhale deeply. 85

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When he opened his eyes all he could do was swallow a gasp; Riley’s face was…perfect. Flushed with color, his hazel eyes painfully wide. He was overwhelmed maybe, embarrassed—but he didn’t look upset and he didn’t run and Nick was eternally grateful for that. “I…” Riley stopped, shook his head as if rearranging his thoughts. “It’s okay,” Nick said bravely. Riley’s face twisted into a frowning smile—something only he seemed capable of. “That’s…I mean, yeah I know it’s okay. I think…” He stopped and took a huge breath of air; he was still in Nick’s personal space, so much so that he could literally hear the frantic pounding of Riley’s heart. “I don’t want to mess this up,” he said finally, whisper soft. His eyes were on the small patch of couch separating them. “Me either. And when Lily gets here we’ll—we’ll figure it out.” They’d hopefully figure out what “this” was and Nick would be able to breathe properly again. Riley nodded, seeming to be at least faintly reassured things were going to be okay. His back and knees were starting to protest and Nick moved until he was standing up. From this vantage point, with Riley still sprawled on the sofa below him—it made keeping his “kisses only” promise to Lily quite difficult. Then Riley made it worse by licking his lips. Nick’s chest squeezed with want. But fortunately that longing and neediness was something he’d dealt with for years; he merely shifted it to a compartment inside him and took a step back. “I’m going to clean up so Lily—when she gets here, I don’t want her to know we were fighting,” he said gently and Riley nodded. “Lie back down, okay? Close your eyes.” He resisted the urge to reach down and smooth the messy flyaway tangle of Riley’s hair, or brush over his reddened eyes. Instead he took the blanket off the nearby chair and laid it over his friend with gentle hands. “Wake me up when she gets here,” Riley said. The faint shake in his voice drew Nick’s hand down to touch his back, a comforting circle. “Okay.” He reorganized the table, covering the food and cleaning up spills in a methodical circle. Once he picked up the chair, Nick took a fresh beer from the fridge and leaned against the kitchen wall. Everything was different and nothing, not a single interaction between any of them would be the same again. It was a terrifying thought. He didn’t want to come into their marriage and make things worse…but that didn’t stop the pang of desire Nick had to be a part of “them”. Selfish and quiet, the urge bubbled up under his heart. He didn’t want Riley—he wanted Riley with Lily. He wanted that joy he saw between them. He wanted that raw emotional pull they had. 86

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He wanted to explore the way he still felt Riley’s simple kiss, the heat and need of it shaking him to the core. When the doorbell rang, Nick jumped out of his thoughts. He felt that skittish hum of desire race under his skin as he walked to the foyer to buzz Lily up.

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Chapter Eighteen Everything about Lily’s day had focused on this moment. She walked up the stairs, pausing every third step to breathe deeply, to steady the shiver that hadn’t left her since the coffee shop with Nick. Salvaging their connections to each other was her only goal. Whatever it took she was willing to do. And for all her anger at Nick, maybe even her anger at Riley, she blamed herself for the tension racking them. It was her idea; she rushed in without considering all the consequences and possibilities. She didn’t have a clear picture of everyone in question. Mistakes she’d never make at the club but then again, there was a reason you never got involved with clients. Emotion clouded judgment. Her love for Riley made her reckless. She reached the door and turned the knob, stepping into the main floor of Nick’s brownstone with baited breath. Nick was waiting for her, bright-eyed and nervous. He stood a few feet inside the front door, paused as if he’d been caught in mid-movement. “Hi,” he said simply and Lily nodded at him. “Riley’s here,” Nick continued, gesturing toward the living room. “Sleeping. He drank a little too much today.” The wry twist to Nick’s mouth eased her worry slightly. “Thanks for taking care of him.” A flare of worry over Riley’s mental state stabbed her stomach, but from Nick’s expression she felt confident he had it under control. She stepped a tiny bit closer. “Did you two talk at all?” The blush that stained Nick’s bronzed skin told her everything she needed to know. The worry became entirely replaced with fear. “We—talked a little. We were waiting for you so we can uh—talk. More.” Lily nodded. She had her purse in hand, her coat on. Limbo in the foyer with Nick, floating in an abyss of unchartered territory. Really, the sex had been easier. “Let me—sorry.” Nick gestured for her purse, her coat. She complied, her hands shaky. “I got some food. You want a drink?” Nick rambled as he walked past her toward the kitchen. “Sure, thanks.” Lily took a few steps toward the living room and spied Riley’s body sprawled on the couch, the blanket over him vibrating with his quiet snores.

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Nick handed her a bottle of beer, his fingers skimming against hers. His dark eyes watched her for a moment—considering—then leaned in to brush a soft kiss over her mouth. It took her by surprise but she returned it; no tongues, no dirty twist of the lips. She just accepted the connection and closed her eyes and let their shoulders touch. The kiss ended by mutual decision. They leaned back and Lily smiled, just enough to release the tension in Nick’s face. “Let’s do this,” she said. Lily sat down at the table and Nick uncovered the food. They made enough noise to wake Riley; he drifted in halfway through the room-temperature meal. His first move was to walk to Lily’s side and rest his cheek against the top of her head. She felt the lingering fatigue and stress in his body and wrapped her arm around his waist. “Hi, sweetheart,” she murmured. “How are you doing?” “Sorry about this morning.” Riley touched her chin and she brought her gaze to his. “Me too.” She smiled; his worried eyes reassured her as much as Nick’s kiss did. This didn’t have to be terrible. He eyed the table and sniffed appreciatively. “Lemme try this again,” he said, with a hesitant smile toward Nick. Lily said nothing, just watched their exchange with interest. There seemed to be something there that wasn’t before—a tentative ease. A connection that had gone untouched between them for so long. Lily tried to pinpoint how she felt about it, then gave up the struggle and put a bite of sandwich into her mouth. It didn’t have to be terrible but it wasn’t going to be easy. They ate in companionable silence, demolishing the food in a fit of avoidance and emotion-induced eating. Riley cleaned off the table and when Nick started to help, Lily laid a hand on his wrist. “Let him,” she mouthed and Nick nodded. Riley’s shoulders inched down a few notches with each trip from dining room table to kitchen. They heard the dishwasher open and close, the refrigerator hum. By the time it was just them and another round of beer, Riley looked better than he had all night. Nick gave Lily a look she couldn’t quite read; something between admiration and affection. She took it, let it sink into her bones then took Riley’s hand as he stood beside her. “Let’s try this again, okay?” She looked from one man to the other, so physically different, wearing the identical expression of worry. “We’re gonna sit down and talk and just…we need to clear the air.” Her eyes rested on Riley, who flushed to the roots of his hair. A glance to Nick let her see that his attention was entirely focused on Riley. The longing in his expression—Lily had to bite her lip to keep herself in the moment. 89

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In control. “C’mon,” she murmured, pulling Riley into the living room. Nick stayed there but as she looked back, Riley reached back to touch his arm, as if to nudge him along. For a moment they were a long unbroken line and Lily let a rare burst of optimism seize her heart. Riley sat on the large leather ottoman, near the window. Lily took the couch and Nick the armchair. They were close enough to speak quietly—far enough apart to not be able to touch one another. It seemed a bit too symbolic but Lily let it go for a moment. “I had this idea that things would work themselves out once we got into the bedroom,” she said wryly, gaze steady on the spray of sports and police magazines laid out on the coffee table. “That sex would dissipate the tension and afterward it would just be easier.” She sighed. “That was a mistake and honestly, I should know better.” She let herself look at Riley first, then Nick. “When I worked at the club, I gave the same lecture over and over to people who got caught up in nasty emotional drama when they thought they were just there to get their rocks off. My old boss would be horrified I fell into the same trap.” Nick coughed to interrupt her. She knew he wouldn’t let her take the full blame. “I was a little too eager,” he said softly. His hands squeezed the arms of the chair. “I didn’t think my participation through and for that, I’m sorry.” Lily smiled. Nick, the Boy Scout. The good guy. Riley’s voice cut through their quiet shared moment, far less thoughtful or balanced as either one of them. “No, this is my fault.” Nick and Lily both turned to look at him and he ducked his head to avoid their gaze. “Riley…” “No—you did this for me. Both of you.” His voice rasped with emotion. “And now it’s all…we’re all fucking tense and nervous and I’m sorry. Sorry I ever agreed to it.” His words trailed off and the room was shockingly quiet. Lily stood up, across the room in a few quick steps to stand next to her husband’s bent-over frame. “Baby, I pushed this. You were willing to go without…” She looked at Nick apologetically. “You were willing to deny how you felt. For me. For us. And I pushed you out of your comfort zone. That’s on me.” Riley tensed. She could see the line of his shoulders harden and muscles bunch under his shirt. “I’m not a child, Lily,” he said sharply. “No, you’re not. But….” Lily sighed heavily. “Jesus Christ, okay—let’s just stop pretending. You and I have an unspoken agreement in our relationship, Riley. I know

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what you want and I know how to give it to you. That’s a responsibility I took on. That’s a responsibility you gave me.” She sensed Riley was going to run; she could feel the air shift around him and when her hand dropped on the back of his neck he flinched like he had been slapped. “Stop,” Lily said. “Just stop.” He vibrated under her hand for a full minute then the anger began to leak out, like air out of a balloon. When she knew he’d stay put, Lily moved her hand to stroke through his still-damp hair. He didn’t look up. Lily finally spared a glance at Nick, whose expression flickered somewhere between longing and lust. And maybe a thread of jealousy. He wanted that to be his hand guiding and calming Riley. “More than anything I wanted this…” She gestured between Nick and Riley. “I wanted this to stop being unspoken and to deal with it because…because I can’t stand the hiding. It scares me.” “You have absolutely nothing to be afraid of from me,” Nick interjected, his tone sharp. “I would never do anything to cause problems between you.” “I know, I know. And I know Riley isn’t going to leave me,” she said, for Riley’s benefit. For her own reassurance. “But that doesn’t meant we could just pretend. In the end, there would be resentment and anger and nothing survives that sort of secret.” “So now we know. What’s next?” Riley asked, quiet and reserved under her hand. “Apologies? Amnesia?” “We’re all sorry it didn’t go as planned and pretending we forgot what happened is just another pile of lies.” Lily pushed her hip against Riley’s shoulder until he moved over and she could perch next to him, their bodies pressed together. “So no.” Nick watched them from across the room. “We’ve acknowledged how things are. We’re all adults. We can continue things as they were.” Lily ran her top teeth over her bottom lip. Maybe she could agree to that. Maybe she could go back to being Riley’s Nick fantasy on her own. Maybe she could pretend that Riley loving someone else threatened her the tiniest bit. But Riley was staring at Nick from under his pale lashes and something in her heart wouldn’t let her deny either one of them. “Or you could come over here,” she murmured, one hand on Riley’s back and the other beckoning Nick to join them.

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Chapter Nineteen Riley swallowed back a moan rattling around in his gut. He could barely keep himself upright, depleted by the emotional catharsis (Nick wanted him, Nick wanted him) and the fear and distracted by the needy anxiety burning through his blood. He wanted to crawl across the room and put his mouth on Nick until they both forgot their names. He wanted to touch Lily the way she liked it, he wanted to hear her breathy cries and praises. The moment froze and hovered and Riley never imagined the expression that appeared on Nick’s face, one that he imagined rivaled his own. And when he stood up and walked over to where he and Lily were sitting, Riley almost pinched himself to make sure this wasn’t a dream. “Nick,” Lily murmured, taking his hand as he loomed over them, pale and silent. She pressed a kiss to his palm before turning her head to flick her tongue over the lobe of Riley’s ear. “Let me see you kiss him.” Time stopped. Riley’s heart sputtered a few times as Nick’s frozen form moved; he was leaning down, their faces were so close and then Lily’s hand pushed him forward, until they were touching, he and Nick. Their lips fought to remember how to connect for seconds and then Nick’s fingers slid into the thick hair at the base of Riley’s skull and Lily was still touching his back and… Riley’s mouth opened, slutty and desperate as he accepted Nick’s probing tongue, let himself surge up to give him as much access as he wanted. In the center of the lust-induced fog, Riley was suspended against Nick’s kiss, his strong hand…and then there was more touching. Under his shirt, up and down his spine. Sliding into the back gap of his jeans to tease the intimate seam of his body. Lily. When she flirted over the bulge of his cock, straining against his jeans, Riley bucked at the simultaneous pleasure and pulled away from Nick’s kiss with a moan. Nick’s expression undid him. Lily’s hands, the kiss, the moment, the overwhelming need—it crumbled past the last of Riley’s resolve to ignore this, deny it. Push it away. Nick wanted him—he could taste it and see it, in the hopeful gaze aimed at him right now. “I never thought,” Riley muttered before surging up to offer his mouth to Nick once again.

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They kissed fiercely this time, a clash of tongues and teeth until Riley felt himself trembling with need. Lily’s mouth pressed against his neck, sucking at the knob of his spine as she continued to dip her hand into the back of his jeans. He heard murmurs, moans and they weren’t his; he broke away long enough to glance down and see Lily massaging the front of Nick’s jeans. Touching them both at the same time. Riley moaned and leaned back, drawing Nick to come closer to them both. “Hang on,” Nick said breathlessly. He pulled back and drew his shirt over his head, a Greek god with a helplessly wanton expression on his face. Riley’s heart thumped faster. “Good idea,” Lily was saying somewhere in the background. Riley felt his clothes being pulled at by two sets of hands and God, they were both touching him at the same time and Riley nearly came in his pants at the reality of a fantasy coming true. When he was naked and Nick was stepping out of his pants, Lily stood up and stripped down in efficient movements, each inch of her perfect pink skin revealing itself and making Riley’s mouth water. “You’re both so…” Riley started up at them. Lily cut him off, her hands cupping his face, her eyes conveying absolute love. “We’re all pretty damn hot,” she teased gently. She drew him up to stand in the circle between her and Nick, their bodies warm and sure against his. He shivered with anticipation. “The couch,” Nick said, soft against his ear. Lily led the way, pulling Riley with her as Nick crowded behind, his cock burning a hot brand against Riley’s hip. Lily laid herself out, a pale princess amongst the leather cushions and throw pillows. She opened her legs, a blatant invitation for Riley to lie on top of her. Her smile drew him closer; he could feel her patience and promise and knew she would take care of him. Nick didn’t let him consider her offer for too long. Riley felt strong, calloused hands on his hips and he moaned desperately; it’d been years since a man touched him and for it to be Nick…he shut his eyes to keep a shred a dignity for at least a moment longer. The sounds pulled from his throat clearly did something for Nick; the flesh against Riley heated up, hardened, pushed. Nick arranged him over Lily, an intimate pose of missionary-style fucking even as he never stopped touching Riley’s back and shoulders and hips. Lily didn’t let him slip into an uncertain, fearful worry. She wrapped her arms around his shoulder and cradled his body with her knees. “I love you,” he gasped into her mouth a second before she consumed him with a kiss that stole all the air from his lungs. He put his heart and soul into the kiss and lost

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himself for a second—but then came crashing back into the reality of Nick being with them. Flesh and blood. Not a fantasy. Next to their entwined bodies the cushion dipped and Riley almost sobbed into Lily’s hot dangerous mouth. He felt fingers trail down his spine, the crossbar of his arms and shoulders, the softly furred flesh at the back of his thighs. Nick was taking him apart with gentle touches and Riley bucked into the open embrace of Lily’s body. “Easy, baby,” Lily murmured against his mouth, panting and shifting beneath him. “Let’s make it last.” He wanted to laugh at that. Last? He was ready to explode like a horny teenager, a willing prisoner between Lily and Nick and their incredible power over him. He didn’t have anything to fight either of them with—and he didn’t want to. Nick’s hands never stopped moving. When his grasp closed over the sharp definition of the inside of Riley’s thighs, he struggled to stave off his orgasm. How many times had he imagined this? Nick holding him like…like he was going to fuck him. Oh God. Lily petted his face, soothed his neck. She rocked her hips up and God, in perfect tandem like it was rehearsed, Nick pushed Riley’s body into hers. Riley buried his face into the fragrant curve of Lily’s neck. Helplessly, Riley let them rock him back and forth—Nick brushing against the back of his thigh, hot and hard. Lily beneath him, soft and needy. Frotting like crazy teenagers until Riley’s pulse and orgasm started a race to see which would explode and disappear into blissful oblivion first. “Let me, can I…” Riley babbled against Lily’s flesh, shamelessly rubbing back against any bit of Nick he could reach. “No, no, this is enough.” Lily was breathless, her mouth alternating between moans and soft kisses to every bit of Riley she could reach. Nick pushed closer and oh—that would be it. The thing that threw Riley over the cliff of no return emotionally and physically. Nick draping over him, his cock rubbing against the damp indent of flesh at the base of Riley’s spine. Nick fucking him, Riley fucking Lily. The visual, coming on the heels of the physical reality…Riley barely had time to register a warning before his body sped up to a frantic beating thrust between them and he came, pulsing wetly in the tight space between his and Lily’s bodies. His body didn’t stop moving; he was rocked by the strength of Nick behind him and Lily beneath him, both of them rubbing and twisting toward their own orgasm. Nick stuttered the thrusts after a few moments, his body almost blanketing Riley’s as he muttered and whispered nonsense sounds, the gentle jerk of his cock and the tightening of his hands registering in perfect synchronicity against Riley’s body. 94

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A second later he felt Lily’s body twist underneath him, angling her clit against his hipbones until she could get the friction, the tiny bit necessary at this moment to push her into completion. Riley felt it rumble through his body, kissing the corner of her mouth until her breathy cries ended. He’d never imagined feeling like this. It made every fantasy he’d ever had a mere shadow of the reality of it. It was terrifying. Nick hovered somewhere between awkward and bone-deep satisfaction as he pulled himself off Riley’s body. They were all slick with sweat and come, quiet but not in the way it had been earlier in the evening. No lies. “Getting some towels and water,” Nick murmured, one last touch of his palm to Riley’s golden flank. “Hurry back,” Lily said from under Riley’s embrace. Riley said nothing but he peeked up from Lily’s shoulder, under a shock of blond hair, offering a small content smile. Nick tried to contain the smile he had in response. Didn’t want to scare anyone with its ridiculous brilliance. He walked into the bathroom, trying not to think too hard. Or too much of how he wanted Riley and Lily back in his bed but this time no leaving anyone out. No one watching and feeling removed. Just the three of them under the sheets, kissing and touching and… In the bright fluorescent light, Nick avoided the mirror and instead cleaned himself off before collecting a damp and dry towel. This might be one night. Just one time he got to touch Riley and convey too many years of silence and ridiculously wasted moments. He wanted to make the most of it. He detoured into the kitchen to get a large bottle of water. When he stepped back into the living room, Riley and Lily were moved from their sprawled positions. They were sitting up, Lily curled up against Riley’s side, their foreheads touching and whispers being exchanged. Nick paused for a moment, clearing his throat in an obvious way. He anxiously checked their expressions but saw nothing but warmth and invitation in the way they looked at him. “Thanks, Boy Scout,” Lily teased gently, taking the water bottle. Riley took the towels, their fingers brushing for a second. Nick drank up the flush on Riley’s skin, the way his smile brightened and the shy drop of his eyes. He watched him gently clean Lily up as she drank the water. There was something so tender in the way he touched her, dropping a kiss to her stomach when she was dry. 95

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“Come sit down, Nick.” Lily capped the water and offered it back to him. He hesitated for just a second then sat on the edge of the couch, suddenly aware of how much goddamn nudity was going on against leather. “More comfortable in the bedroom,” he said without checking himself. He watched Lily’s smile deepen and Riley’s full-body shiver. “Good point.” There was something in Lily’s sexy curved mouth that pulled Nick forward like a magnet. He kissed her, an exercise in creating something between dirty and affection. Their tongues dueled and the moan that reached his ears was Riley’s and God—that was so damn hot. “Bedroom,” Lily said when she pulled away to breathe, to stare into Nick’s eyes.

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Chapter Twenty Lily felt she could breathe properly for the first time in…she couldn’t remember how long it’d been since Riley’s secrets and her own fears weren’t niggling in the background. For all her rationalizations and self-explanations, she was still human and scared and in need of control to an unhealthy amount. In the end—she was right. It wasn’t pretty getting there, but the walls were kicked down and her Riley looked blissful, pushing her toward the bedroom, down the hall behind Nick’s retreating form. Something felt removed from her chest. Like—a metric ton of bricks. “I changed the sheets,” Nick said, half-frowning with a silly smile playing across his lips. “I didn’t expect but—well, I’m glad I did.” Lily laughed and reached for him, her hand closing on his arm, and yanked him closer. “Boy Scout,” she repeated, bringing Nick into a tight hug before darting out of the tiny space between him and Riley. “Can I be so bold to suggest what’s next?” Riley was pink with desire and pleasure. He looked faintly worried at Lily’s devious announcement. “Should we take a vote?” Nick asked, his gaze flickering to Riley, hungry and expectant. “No.” Lily liked the sidelong dart of eyes that comment got her. Nick was going to defer to her only so far—she suspected it wasn’t in his nature to submit for all that long. “Uh—arm wrestle for tops, I can’t stand here with my junk out.” Riley all but dove into the expansive real estate of Nick’s bed, twisting under the covers once he landed. Lily shared a fond look with Nick. God, they were both stupid over her husband. “You want him.” It wasn’t a question. Her voice reached out for Nick, soft and easy. Nick’s entire body jumped; his skin prickled with goose bumps, his cock hardened against his lean stomach. When he could yank his gaze to Lily’s face, she read his outand-out lust. “It’s not my call,” he said finally. Nothing he could have said pleased her more. “No, it’s not. It’s his. And I think we both know the answer.” Lily reached out to take Nick’s hand and drew him closer. “What about you?” Nick searched her face anxiously.

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“What about me? I’m not going anywhere.” Literally or figuratively. “I’m also not keeping my hands to myself. So…do it. Do what you’ve both been dying to do for years.” Nick stared a second longer, as if to be sure she was one hundred percent on this. When her smile didn’t waver, Nick turned toward the bed where Riley was lying under the covers, almost statue-like as he listened to their conversation. “Still in the room,” he blustered, twisting under the covers. “Go on,” Lily whispered, pushing Nick with both hands against his strong shoulders. She admired the rear view, the slow walk and ripple of muscles as Nick took a few steps to the bed and pressed one knee into the mattress. She waited, letting it play out for a few more minutes. Riley sitting up to offer himself to Nick. Nick leaning down to capture Riley’s mouth in a kiss. The rough, wet sounds echoed through the room and Lily felt herself responding. Her breasts felt heavy; she rubbed her hands from her stomach to touch them, cup them. Pinch each nipple as she watched Nick push away the sheet and straddle Riley’s body. “God, seriously,” she breathed, laughing a little at how beautiful this looked and how impossible it would be to explain why she thought so. But—Riley’s expression. Eyes closed, mouth open, sucking Nick’s tongue. She imagined him on his knees, in front of Nick… The dampness between her legs flowed. They didn’t pay attention to her; she wasn’t surprised. Or jealous. She knew how long they’d pined for one another. That didn’t stop Lily from climbing into the bed with them, arranging herself on her knees next to them—close enough to touch, far away enough to let them continue their show. Nick finally wrestled his mouth away from Riley’s, shooting her a grateful glance before leaning back over her husband, ducking his head to press his mouth to the small brown peak visible through the blond fuzz all over Riley’s chest. “Bite him. Gently.” Lily licked her lips as Nick followed her direction. A shot of desire spiked through her. Riley groaned and twisted, his hands tight on the bedsheets as he struggled to stay still. Lily couldn’t resist reaching out to stroke her hand through his sweat-damp hair, pulling at the ends until Riley whimpered. Nick was moving now, probably spurred on by the taste of Riley’s skin. Maybe fueled by the lusty sounds. Lily didn’t care; she wanted Riley to have this moment. She wanted Nick to have it. She wanted to see it and take responsibility for it. “Crazy,” she murmured to herself, focusing on Riley’s lust-addled face. “Yeah,” he wheezed as she laughed, tilting down to claim his mouth.

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Chapter Twenty-One Nick was starving for this. He’d been having regular sex every few days for most of his adult life and particularly in the past two years, trying to drown away the lust he felt for someone unattainable. Someone who was now under his hands, under his lips and the fact that this was reality—Nick couldn’t be entirely convinced this wasn’t a dream. He ran his tongue over the lines of Riley’s muscular and carved torso, nipping the skin and feeling the crinkle of hair against his tongue. He dipped down to the perfectly defined hipbones, his mouth watering at the vee before reaching his goal. Riley’s cock, hard and heavy against his thigh, rosy flesh and a thick head, damp and still carrying the faint aroma of Lily’s body. Nick laid his forehead against Riley’s thigh to catch his breath. He hadn’t been nervous about sex since he was seventeen, but in this moment he felt like a terrified virgin. Above him Lily and Riley were kissing, all slick tongues and wet lips. It was gorgeous. It was an honor to be here. A gift. He moved again, running his tongue from the base of Riley’s cock to the tip, the taste exploding in his mouth. Riley moaned wildly and Nick clamped his hands around Riley’s hips to hold him down—and the simple act jolted him like they were already fucking. “Easy. Fuck.” Nick’s hands shook. He went up on his knees, braced against Riley’s body and he went back to lick stripes over and over until he thought he might go out of his mind. A shoulder brushed against his as he teased the cock head, stopping just shy of sucking. He felt Lily’s soft curls against the side of his face as she nipped at his ear. “Share?” she asked in a breathy whisper and Nick pressed his cock against the mattress to keep from shooting. “It’s a lot for one person,” she teased. “Yeah,” he said hungrily, turning his head just enough to grab her mouth in a hard kiss. Riley almost cried from how good it felt, the heavy hands and bodies holding his body against the bed. How good it looked to see Lily and Nick curled around him, flicking their tongues against each other’s mouths. 99

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How insane it was when they turned on him, wearing identical grins that bode well for his chances of coming but made him a little worried for his sanity. He wasn’t wrong. He clamped his teeth over his bottom lip as Nick resumed his teasing licks. Lily maneuvered herself under Nick, between Riley’s legs. He felt her soft breath against his sac and then…God. Just. Heavenly torture. Lily’s gentle mouth sucking the heavy skin over his balls, Nick’s tongue swirling over his cock head until Riley was all but screaming down the ceiling. “Fuck, fuck, yeah,” Riley choked out, trying and failing to arch up against the dueling sensations. Nick looked up at him, the perfect obscene and beautiful picture as he swallowed Riley’s cock and let it slide into the tight suction of his mouth. Riley keened. He closed his eyes, gave up his body, his pleasure to both of them. He felt his legs pushed open and up and apart, hips angled up. Lily’s sucking kisses moved down the narrow strip of sensitive flesh until he felt the mind-numbingly sensual press of her tongue against his most intimate opening. Riley tried to warn Nick but nothing could stop the orgasm that slammed into him. He jerked and spasmed into Nick’s mouth, biting his lip until he tasted the metallic sting of blood. Stereotypes depicted most men turning over and going to sleep after an orgasm— especially one that rocked their metaphorical socks off—but Riley couldn’t be stopped from bouncing out of the bed ten minutes after he came back to earth. “Seriously—at least look winded,” Nick mumbled. He was going to have to move farther than “not in the wet spot” but he lay on his stomach, head pillowed on his arms as Riley shot out the bedroom door and down the hall. “Be forewarned—he’s probably not done,” Lily said from somewhere above him. Nick fake moaned. But he hid a smile in the curve of his arm. Lily’s hand dropped against his nape, stroking the fine hairs and brushing against the shell of his ear. He peeked up, looking her squarely in the eye. “Everything okay?” She paused then nodded slowly. “I think so.” Her fingers pinched his earlobe. “How are you doing?” “Pretty okay.” More like terrified and blissful in equal parts but his honesty didn’t go that far. “I’m not sure where to go from here though.” “I’m willing to put money Riley’s just getting some food,” she said dryly. “And then another round?”

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“You’re awfully calm about this.” Nick rolled over until he had room to sit up and pulled the edge of the comforter over his lower half. Lily rolled her eyes at his attempts at modesty. “Did you miss my freakout earlier today?” “You’re fine now.” “So are you.” They engaged in a several-seconds-long staring contest until Lily reached back for a pillow and smacked him in the head. “Seriously?” “Yes, seriously,” she sighed. “It’s sex. And we care about each other. Everyone is consenting. That’s where we are right now.” “And tomorrow?” Nick couldn’t help himself. The question slipped out of his mouth before he could breathe it back in. That gave Lily pause. She pulled her knees up to her chin and regarded her feet for a few minutes. “I don’t know honestly.” “Fuck.” “We can discuss it.” Nick shook his head. “Another night because more nights becomes…” “A thing?” “Yeah.” “And what’s wrong with that?” That threw him—hard. If he were the one with Riley, if Lily had arrived after they were in love and truly together, he would never imagine inviting her into the bedroom for more than one night. One night was sexy. Daring. Unusual. More than that was…an arrangement. A relationship. Nick didn’t do relationships. Much as the taste of Riley made him want more and more, it didn’t compute. “You would do that?” His tone was far more biting than he wanted. All that lovely goodwill of shared orgasms was starting to stutter into something else. “Why not? I trust Riley.” She regarded him coolly. “I trust myself.” “Do you trust me?” Lily shrugged. “As much as I can. I don’t trust easily. But I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt Riley. You’ve denied yourself for years to keep your friendship intact. Now that you’ve been honest with him and with yourself, I can’t imagine you breaking his heart.”

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Her words were fast and matter-of-fact. Nothing sentimental or passive aggressive. She cut down to the heart of the matter—Nick would always walk away before he hurt Riley. “I’d like to think so,” he managed to say. A sound at the doorway turned both their heads, almost in unison. “New rule,” Riley said from where he was leaning, a bath towel knotted low on his hips. “We don’t talk about Riley while Riley is within hearing distance as if Riley weren’t here.” “We were discussing the general situation,” Lily pointed out. “But point taken.” “Thank you.” He straightened out and walked to the bed, sharing his glance between them. “If there’s a tomorrow night then it’s just about honesty. Ground rules.” Riley sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t want you two having sex if I’m not around.” “Excellent rule. I second it.” Lily’s eyes were watching Nick at that point. “Only kissing?” Nick took a moment to be cheeky. “Only kissing.” Lily looked at Riley, who nodded. “If we discuss what’s going on we discuss it together. No more coffee dates to examine my psyche.” “Can I text Nick about how delightful I find your cock?” Riley sighed. “No.” “Please?” “Fine.” “Does Nick get a say in this?” Nick asked sarcastically. “No.” Lily hit him with the pillow again. Nick felt like a wet blanket, but this was all surreal. “Shouldn’t we be a little more serious about this?” Lily rolled her body back and stretched on the bed like a centerfold come to life. “We did serious. We did secrets. We did self-denial and sacrifice. How about we appreciate the opportunity to be here in this moment.” Riley favored Nick a bemused smile. “She’s a hedonist hippie, you realize this, right?” “I thought she was just a vegetarian tree-hugger.” Nick petted the bed next to him, close to Lily’s erotic sprawl. “It’s deeper than that,” he said gently, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Huh.” “Told you he was conservative,” Riley teased. “Ha!” Lily kicked at Nick’s hip, making grabs for the edge of Riley’s towel.

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“Not quite.” Nick felt a bit uncomfortable then, wondered how to say he belonged to a club, remembering the conversation at the coffee shop with Lily about the things he would have to tell Riley about himself. “Actually….” He leaned a bit into Riley’s personal space, serious but gentle. “Actually, I belong to a particular type of club…” His gaze sought Lily, who smiled back encouragingly. “A…sex club.” Riley boggled. His ocean blue eyes widened, his jaw worked as it tried not to drop. “What?” “Yeah. That’s uh—date night. That’s where I go,” Nick said. “So,” Riley swallowed. “Okay then.” “Okay then?” “What else should I say?” Riley scowled at him. “It’s really not the biggest revelation of the past few days, right?” “Point.” Lily gave the towel a hard tug. It fell open around Riley’s hips, exposing his gorgeous cock, and effectively short-circuiting the rest of the conversation.

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Chapter Twenty-Two It was two weeks of “dinner? Sure.” texts and mornings where someone was bitching about the water pressure because they were the last one in the shower. Lily felt peaceful. And a little sore. Riley and Nick mirrored each other quite predictably; they were both content and relaxed with regular sex and a lack of lies. Lily couldn’t help but feel so fucking smug. Because she had been so absolutely right. And if Nick pushed to stay over at their house more often than not, Lily didn’t feel alarm bells going off. If anything, she thought it was nice he wanted to be in their space, in the comfort zone of their marriage. She never felt threatened. At the start of week three, Lily ducked out of the office for an actual lunch. She walked the four blocks to the precinct building where she knew Riley would be. Cops and administrative personnel greeted her as she moved to the elevator banks; some gave her warm smiles, other ducked their eyes in fear. She had a bit of a reputation. Smothering a grin, Lily took the elevator to the fifth floor where Nick’s office was housed. A temp at the desk gave her a curious look but she flashed her identification and continued on her way. Detectives Smalls and Michell were seated at their desks, in full bicker mode. While some cops fulfilled various “stereotypes”, they had nothing on these two men. Sometimes Lily expected to find a camera crew following them around. Alan Smalls was the senior officer; a smoker who wore every second of his twentyfive years on the force in the wrinkles on his face. He was thrice divorced, a recovering alcoholic and cynical on a good day. His partner of two years was Dave Michell, who was commonly referred to as Centerfold for his ridiculous good looks and impeccably styled hair. He still wore a suit every day, a thick band of gold on his ring finger and a St. Jude medal under his neatly pressed shirt. He ate carrot sticks at lunch, disliked coffee and frequently called his wife to see how the baby was feeling. “Frick, Frack,” Lily called as she passed Smalls’ desk. He dropped his pen on the surface and jumped up to kiss her on the cheek. “You come to your senses yet?” “Nope, still married.” She grinned at their usual banter. “Landon doesn’t deserve you,” Smalls sighed.

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“Absolutely true. I’m going to remind him right now. Hi, Dave!” She gave Michell a little wave. He’d taken the break in bickering to go back to paperwork. He made Nick look like a slacker. “Hi, Mrs. Landon.” “Lily.” “Lily.” Smalls rolled his eyes. “You know he’s never going to call you anything but Mrs. Landon, right?” “He has manners, which clearly haven’t rubbed off on you.” He looked affronted. “Lies,” he said as he took Lily’s hand and kissed the back with a little bow. A round of sarcastic clapping caught everyone’s attention. Riley was standing at the edge of the bullpen with a scowl in his face. “Back off, Romeo.” “I was just trying to convince your lovely bride what a mistake she made marrying you,” Smalls said sweetly before taking his seat again. Riley wrapped his arm around Lily’s waist, maneuvering her toward Nick’s office. “When you get stuck on the overnight shift investigating floaters and lock-ins, I want you to remember this moment,” Riley smirked. They made their escape from Smalls with laughter from everyone involved. Nick was at his desk, shirtsleeves rolled up and his desktop covered with files and stray papers. He looked up and smiled when Riley and Lily came in, something that warmed her deep in the pit of her stomach. Nick looked happy. “Hey,” he said, halfway to standing before his eyes darted to the glass windows that revealed everything that happened in this office to the rest of the department. “Hey. Not disturbing you guys, am I?” Riley pulled out one of Nick’s office chairs for her to sit down. “No, no. We already ordered lunch—you want me to call the deli and see if I can get you something?” Lily shook her head. “Nope. Already ate. Just came by to see you guys.” “How nice is that?” Riley perched on the chair next to her, his hand still in hers. He fairly glowed with happiness, darting his eyes between her and Nick like he couldn’t believe this was his life. “Very nice.” Nick pushed the files in front of him to the side, resting his elbows on the desk. “So um, I was thinking tonight…” Lily’s eyes widened slightly. Nick didn’t really make too many suggestions or requests outside of being at their house more often than not. A quick side look to Riley revealed a look of interest and confusion much like hers. 105

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“Yes?” “Well, it’s Friday so I was thinking you could come to my house and stay the weekend.” He said it casually, like he was suggesting pasta for dinner, but the dart of his gaze anywhere but she or Riley told otherwise. He was nervous. “Wow—that sounds great actually.” Lily curled her fingers tighter in Riley’s. A long weekend meant longer hours in the bedroom and no hurrying. During the week they were creative with their time; they had to be with all the hours they worked. Nick and Riley both fucked her and she fucked Riley; the boys went after each other’s dicks like they were both deprived—no one was complaining. And she didn’t say it aloud but their active sex lives the past two weeks hadn’t included something she had no doubt Riley and Nick were dying to get to. Namely Nick fucking Riley. “Yeah, it does,” Riley said, his voice low. Lily felt the sweat dampening his palm and squeezed tighter. “Great. So—we’ll just head back to the brownstone after work.” Nick smiled. “I have to work until at least nine. You guys go ahead and I’ll meet you.” She felt her lips curve into a slightly wicked grin. “You can start without me but no actual fucking unless I have a front-row seat.” The air in the office charged like an electric current was directly applied. Nick’s gaze narrowed and they held an entire conversation with a strangely efficient series of glares. He knew she knew and Lily had to hold herself back from laughing right out loud. A knock at the door broke the staring contest and Riley almost knocked over the chair in an attempt to answer it. Michell was holding a low box of sandwiches and drinks. “Thanks, Dave,” Riley said with a raspy cough. “No problem. Hey, Lenny just called down looking for you.” “Right, of course.” They both shared a laugh. Lily gave Dave another wave as he ducked back out. “Sorry—I’m guessing my two o’clock is early. Again.” Riley put the box on Nick’s desk, rooting out his lunch before leaning down to kiss Lily on the mouth. The dart of tongue was much appreciated. “See you tonight,” he said to both of them, the flush on his cheeks and darkening of his eyes giving Lily the urge to fan herself like a swooning Southern belle. “Yeah,” Nick replied, all but licking his lips. Lily squirmed in her seat. Then Riley was gone with a slam of the door behind him and Lily fixed a predatory glare on Nick.

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“Seriously—you’re so not allowed to fuck him when I’m not there,” she deadpanned, a little in love with the way Nick readjusted himself in his seat. “That’s a hard and fast rule?” “Did you just make a sex joke?” Nick blushed faintly. “Inadvertently.” “Dork.” Lily laughed as she stood up, leaning over the desk like she was reading something on his desk calendar. “It’s going to be beautiful and I want to be there to see the expression on both your faces.” With that, she blew him a kiss and twirled toward his office door, thoroughly enjoying the current look on his face.

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Chapter Twenty-Three The rest of the afternoon was briefings, two interrogations he supervised and paperwork, followed by a conversation with the mayor about a high-profile case in another precinct. It smelled vaguely of gossip and speculation and Nick was disinterested. He was also distracted by the picture Lily planted in his head. The past fifteen or so days of this…thing…had left him happier and more off-kilter than he’d ever been in his life. He wanted to believe this wasn’t a dream as much as he tried to pretend like it was sex and not a relationship. Because it wasn’t a relationship. He was the third wheel and it was because he loved Riley—would never do anything to hurt him—that Lily allowed him to be with them. But they were “Lily and Riley” and he was “Nick”—friend and fuck buddy. At least that’s what he told himself, over and over again, on those nights when he wasn’t wrapped up in a too-small bed with Riley snoring lightly and Lily burying her head under the covers. Smalls caught him on the way out; half past six—“Half day, Sarge?”—and they chatted out of the pen and down in the elevator. “You wanna go fishing weekend after next? Lois gave me the cabin for four days this year,” he said dryly. “I have to use them all before the end of December.” “No interest in ice fishing then?” Nick rooted around for his keys, checking his phone to see if Riley was done with his day. There was a text—meet you at the bs—which wasn’t exactly what he wanted to read. “No, no interest in ice fishing.” Smalls walked him to the garage and gifted him with a sock in the arm as they parted to go in different directions. “I’ll let you know,” Nick said with a smile, giving his friend a wave. “You can bring Landon if you want. Just not his wife.” “You like Lily.” “I love Lily,” Smalls said with a grin. “I just don’t want her distractin’ me from the fish.” “Right, good point.” Nick couldn’t argue. When he wasn’t being distracted by the memory of what Riley sounded like when he came, he couldn’t stop remembering the tight wet heat when he was inside Lily. Thank God he didn’t have occasion to use his gun anymore—he’d probably shoot his head off.

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He made it to his truck, texting Riley back with one hand as he hit the button on his key chain. The headlights flashed. His phone chirped. Tonight? Asked the text. For a second Nick was confused—they’d already made plans for tonight. Same place. Room reserved. Came a second later. Nick blinked. He checked the number; it was Steven. No thanks. He typed quickly, hitting send and muting the phone. Nick felt strangely guilty for even receiving the text. Stupid. Because he wasn’t in a relationship. The ride home was traffic and far too much time idling for Nick’s liking. He kept getting flashes of a naked Riley writhing on the bed and had to force himself to keep from rear-ending more than one car. He had the hands-free set up and when his phone rang, he hit the button on his steering wheel. “Yeah.” “It’s me.” Speak of the naked, writhing devil. “Hey. You getting out of work on time?” “Seven.” Nick cursed inwardly; he’d have way too much time pulling his hair out, waiting. “You still there?” “Yeah, just concentrating on the traffic. Which is not moving—I’m stuck,” Nick laughed. Riley sighed. “Me too.” The silence lingered and Nick rubbed his palms over the steering wheel. “Get back to work,” he said, his voice soft and intimate. “I’ll see you soon.” “Okay.” There was something in Riley’s tone that made his spine melt and his cock harden. He hung up just in time, before Nick drove straight off the road. Finally pulling up to the brownstone, Nick slid out of the truck with a glance across the street to where Steven lived. It looked dark; Nick assumed he was at the club already and that was comforting. Hopefully Lily and Riley would arrive before he got home. At the mailbox, Nick took a second to thumb through the bills and flyers. It only took him a second to register a sound behind him; his quick reflexes had the mail on the ground and him turned around completely before a heartbeat passed.

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“Sorry,” a voice called. It was Steven, walking up the pathway with his hands deep in the pockets of his leather jacket. “Didn’t mean to startle you.” Nick didn’t know what to say. He schooled his face into something neutral and smiled blandly. “Long day.” “Of course. That’s why I wanted to give you a second chance to say yes to tonight.” “Nice of you, but like I said, busy at work.” “You’re home now.” Now Nick was starting to get annoyed. “Right. After a long day. I want to go upstairs, take a shower and relax.” Steven laughed, low and dirty. “You know I can help with that.” Something snapped in Nick’s head. He wanted this jerk out of here. He wanted to get ready for a fucking important night and he didn’t need this guy who couldn’t take no for an answer. “We had a good time, Steven, but it wasn’t anything serious and it’s certainly not the only thing I have going on. Let’s just part ways and not harbor any expectations for the future, all right?” His voice only shook a bit at the end and Nick leaned down to pick up his mail, doing everything he could to show Steven he wasn’t interested in continuing this conversation. “That’s a shame,” Steven said finally. “I thought we worked well together.” “It was what it was. There are plenty of other guys at the club who would love to make your acquaintance.” Nick unlocked the door and gave Steven a glare. “I’m just…not interested anymore.” “Duly noted.” Steven cocked his head to one side, his smug grin still visible under the faint light of the street lamp. “Good night, Nick.” Nick didn’t reply; he watched the other man turn and walk down the street before pushing inside the house and slamming the door.

***** Riley ditched work at seven, putting off several bits of busy work he could take care of on Monday. He waved goodbye to the next shift of cops coming up the stairs, jogging down in an anxious excitement to get to Nick’s. Where there would be sex. A whole weekend of it. He flushed, head down as he hurried to grab his bike. A buzz of lust and nerves danced under his skin, anticipation making his mouth dry. Or maybe that was the urge to…God, he couldn’t even think about it because he knew from experience trying to drive in Friday night traffic to Nick’s with a hard-on was a nightmare. Such was his life. 110

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There’d been texts all day from Lily, mostly filthy ones. He tried to come up with something equally obscene to send back but he wasn’t that creative. Maybe he could manage something later, at the brownstone, provided he could remember his name afterward. Riley put on his helmet and determinedly thought of every disgusting episode of Dirty Jobs to keep his erection in line. Traffic was hair-raising and Riley’s bike developed a cough as he took the exit ramp toward Nick’s brownstone. He had to come to terms with the fact that his beloved motorcycle was dying and a car was a more practical vehicle for a respectable married man. Who was currently speeding down the street toward his—lover? Was there a word in the world for what Nick was to him? He loved Nick, there was no hiding from that fact. He’d wanted him for so long, convinced down to the marrow of his bones that his best friend had no interest in him, that his fantasies would never be reality. Couldn’t imagine a world where Nick would want him. Lily wasn’t a consolation prize. He knew that as well as he knew his own name. When he realized he was in love with her, the second that concept presented itself in his brain, he knew she was his other half. It wasn’t one more than the other. It was—both, differently. Both, devotedly. Riley thought he could spend the rest of his life rolling over for both of them, letting them take whatever they wanted and never regretting a second of it. He parked in the driveway, wheeling his bike in front of the truck to leave room for Lily’s car. Lights blazed on the second floor and Riley stood next to the garbage cans and the garden hose, staring up at the windows for a few minutes. To collect his thoughts and stop the fierce pounding of his heart. He loved Nick. He wanted this desperately. He loved Lily. He never wanted to hurt her in any way. It felt like a tightrope, his shoes slippery and no guarantee he wouldn’t be the one who ended up in a heap on the ground. Lovely metaphor, he thought, digging the brownstone key out of his pocket. “Hey, I’m here,” he called, shutting the door behind him. Faintly he heard the shower down the hall so Riley tucked his things away, as if he still lived there. Jacket, belt, boots—all neatly put away before he headed for the kitchen. Bless Nick’s grocery delivery service, which meant he found beer and premade sandwiches inside. “I’m eating your food,” Riley yelled down the hallway as the water switched off. “Go ahead,” Nick yelled back. “You want something?”

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“Already ate.” Riley grunted an affirmative and went back to his tuna sub and beer. Pickles and chips—yeah, he loved that nothing much had changed since he moved out. Except of course that very shortly he would be having sex with Nick and Lily. “It’s definitely better,” he muttered out loud, eating at the breakfast bar. “What?” Nick popped into the kitchen wearing just a towel, rubbing his hair with a smaller one. Riley was torn between swallowing his tongue and laughing. “Really? A towel for your fuzz?” Nick looked indignant. “I have hair.” “Barely.” “Shut up. By the way, my electric bill is down like three hundred a month since we don’t have your hair dryer usage driving up costs.” It was a weak comeback at best, and Riley smirked. “You getting dressed or is this some sort of bad porn come-on?” Riley asked, keeping his voice light. Leaning against the fridge, Nick threw the hand towel at Riley’s head. “I’m pretty sure nothing about tonight is going to be about bad porn.” “Big talker.” Riley rewrapped the other half of the sandwich; his appetite had been curbed by a growing fascination with the way the overhead light caught the water droplets in Nick’s salt-and-pepper sprinkling of chest hair. “You wanna take a shower?” Riley sniffed at his button-down work shirt. “Is that a hint?” Nick rolled his eyes. “Go take a shower. I’ll uh…meet you in the living room.” He seemed to want to move, an aborted little motion with his shoulders in Riley’s direction as he walked past. “Okay.” Riley paused, a few inches outside Nick’s personal space. He wondered if Nick would kiss him if he stood here long enough. And then apparently the answer was—yes. Nick closed the space between them, watching Riley’s face with a serious, predatory expression. He clearly wanted it but was gauging Riley’s reaction. So Riley licked his lips and met him halfway, mouth against mouth in a slow slide. Nothing about kissing Nick was the same as kissing Lily except for the way it made Riley feel. He turned into water over steel—hard and wanting inside, liquid and malleable on the outside. When Nick’s hands slid over his back, Riley had to swallow back a moan as he opened his mouth to his lover’s tongue. They fed the soft flicks of tongue back and forth, bodies pushed together with just fabric keeping them apart. When Nick’s hands slipped lower—a firm masculine grip against Riley’s ass—he had to pull away to breathe. 112

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He buried his face against Nick’s shoulder, rutting hips giving away his compliance to this inevitable moment. His yearning for it. The luxury of being touched by Nick, able to touch Nick in return. He inhaled the fresh scent of Nick’s skin, let himself mouth the firm flesh of his jawline. Nick moaned, pulling Riley closer until the barrier of clothing was pure frustration. This was rapidly developing beyond “just kissing”—and Riley pulled himself together with colossal effort. “Shower,” he said breathlessly. “I’m gonna…” He stepped out of Nick’s embrace with a stumble, Nick’s hands lingering until they slowly stepped out of each other’s range. “Lock the door,” Nick said dryly, still utterly cool and debonair despite the erection tenting the towel. Riley felt like he’d been run over by a pack of crazed sex fiends. “Good idea,” he muttered and jetted down the hallway as fast as he could.

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Chapter Twenty-Four It was less a bad porn film and more—ready, willing and able. Nick managed not to text Lily to tell her to hurry the hell up home because he was about to crawl out of his skin with anticipation. He lay on the bed with the day’s sports section of the newspaper, flipping from front to back at least five times without reading a single word. Riley—out of the shower—had stayed in the living room, a basketball game loud enough for Nick to hear. If he wasn’t starting to get blue balls, Nick would have laughed his ass off. Separate rooms, not trusting themselves to sit on the damn sofa together, when they’d done just that for five kiss- and sex-free years. When he heard the television snap off and voices outside the door Nick threw the damn paper across the room. “Get in here!” he yelled. Lily was the first person through the door, a damp and shirtless Riley crowding at her back. She had a shit-eating grin that shouldn’t really be that sexy. “Naked now, thanks,” Nick said, gesturing to them both. “I was thinking I wanted a snack…” “Great, then Riley can get naked and we’ll wait ’til you get back with chips.” Lily giggled. Then she reached for the top button of her shirt. “You want something slow and teasing?” she asked, faux innocent. Riley sighed dramatically as he walked around her and started unbuttoning his pants. “This game thing you two do? It works better when I’m not sexually frustrated.” He kicked off his pants, coming to stand next to the bed, his gaze focused on Nick’s face. “C’mere,” he murmured, reaching up for his lover, a hand against his hip, pushing the waistband of his boxers down to expose more skin. Riley swallowed, his growly bravado seeming to have left him at the touch. He knelt on the bed, butting up against Nick’s thigh. There was a tremendous pause and Nick realized he had to make the move. Somehow that just made the desire that much sharper. “Take these off,” Nick said finally, his gaze locked on Riley’s face, reading the lust and the shyness at once. With a nod, Riley grasped the elastic and pushed it down, slowly—a tease without pretention or artifice. His cock sprang up, revealed inch by inch, and Nick had to look away from Riley’s expressive want and go to the baser emotion. 114

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He let Riley get the boxers to his knees before leaning in, inhaling the fresh clean masculine scent. It was almost too much, distracting to the point where Nick had to shake his head to make his body move. Nick had spent too many days anticipating this to not have planned it down to the last detail. There were condoms and lube under his pillow, the lights were already dimmed, the window cracked open. He didn’t want any distractions. “Lie down,” Nick murmured, helping Riley stand, and watched him kick the shorts off. “Come here, there you go,” he said softly, aware of Riley’s sudden and epic silence. He could feel Lily’s eyes on him, from her half-dressed perch at the far side of the bed. Within this fantasy come true was the “test” portion of it; if he messed this up, Lily would be out the door with Riley so fast Nick would have whiplash. When he had positioned them comfortably—on their sides, facing each other—Nick let himself smile, focusing his gaze on Riley’s solemn expression. The only spark was in his eyes, bluer than they’d ever been before. Nick laid his hand on Riley’s bare hip, leaning in to brush a kiss to his mouth. “Tell me you’re okay with this,” Nick said softly, speaking the words to the masculine curve of Riley’s jaw. Riley blinked, as if coming out of a trance. Then he rolled his eyes. “No, I hate it. Which is why my cock is trying to detach and crawl inside you,” he croaked; beyond them, Lily laughed. Nick smirked, trailing his hand up to the pure sculpture that was Riley’s neck, down through his furred chest and then grasped the aforementioned cock and gave it a friendly squeeze. “Uh,” Riley said, as much an exhale as a word. Or a sentiment. “I’d rather be the one crawling inside of you,” Nick pointed out, pushing closer to Riley until only the movement of his hand—up and down, up and down and squeeze— and a sliver of light remained between them. “Please, don’t let me stop you.” Riley was breathless against his shoulder, puffing air against his skin, hot and messy. Nick let his motions speak for him—up and down, up and down and squeeze the base, a pause that caught Riley’s breath every single time—until he was drowning in the slick, sweaty cock in his hand and endless depths of Riley’s adoring expression. He had a thought then, a very clear picture of what he wanted from Riley; Nick let his hands move to Riley’s hips and rolled them both, until Riley was lying on top of Nick, dicks lined up in a sensual line. “Kiss me,” he said and Riley didn’t hesitate for a second. He dive bombed Nick’s mouth, sealing their lips together in a carnal twist before licking his tongue across the seam. 115

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Nick gasped at the surge; their bodies rubbed together in a perfect slide, damp enough to keep from being painful but dry enough so that he felt every ridge and vein caress against the other. They tongue-fucked each other in a fierce battle. Nick dropped his hands to Riley’s near-perfect ass and rocked their bodies together until the bed threatened to collapse around them. Riley pulled away suddenly, whining as he dropped his forehead to Nick’s shoulder. “I know, I know.” Nick struggled with his own desires; he wanted to fuck Riley but it felt so Goddamned good to rub against him like this. Sitting up slightly, Riley continued the motion, swaying to keep upright, his hands gripping Nick’s shoulders. They shared a long, shuddering look and Nick could read Riley’s expression as a mirror of his own—they’d waited too long for this. Nick sat up, cradling Riley in his lap and stealing another kiss. Their arms moved and twined, holding each other tightly as they explored each other’s mouths. “Lie down, on your back,” Nick said as he pulled away, brushing the sweat-damp hair out of Riley’s eyes. “Middle of the bed.” Riley nodded, pulling himself out of Nick’s lap with a sensual slide, getting one last full front rub off before rolling onto his back. Nick chuckled breathlessly. His eyes found Lily, flushed and beautiful and curled up in the corner of the bed. “How do you let him out of bed?” he asked softly and Lily smiled, lips pursed in amusement. “It’s a struggle, let me tell you,” she said lightly. Between them Riley blushed—face, chest, the flat expanse of his stomach. Nick leaned over to drop a kiss at the center of his chest. He reached under the pillow for the lube, the condom, distracting Riley as he nosed up and down his torso—then got half-distracted himself by the sensation of Riley’s fuzz against the stubble of his own five o’clock shadow. The rough grind sent splinters of desire down his spine. “I keep forgetting where I’m going,” he whispered, finally moving to kiss Riley again. “Not a problem,” Riley mumbled, his restless body belying his words. Nick nodded, dropping the necessary items on the other side of Riley’s hips. “Time for that later—we have an agenda, right?” he teased. Riley nodded. Moaned. Let Nick turn him to face away, on his side with his top leg resting on the bed. The twist of his body allowed Nick more access and an absolutely mouthwatering view.

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“Seriously considering never letting you wear clothes around here again,” Nick murmured as he rubbed his hand down Riley’s sculpted back. He was in good shape for his age but Riley—Jesus. Every part of his body seemed to be a work of art, supple skin under soft hair, muscles creating hills and valleys under the swoop of his touch. “Shut up,” Riley muttered into the pillow but he couldn’t hold back the sounds of pleasure bubbling out of his throat. “Shhhh.” Nick’s tone was light, the two fingers he pressed against Riley’s mouth a second later teasing and demanding at once. Riley’s breath caught as he sucked Nick into his mouth, as skilled as any blowjob he’d ever received. He all but deep-throated his fingers until Nick was rutting against his back as the wet suction drove him wild. Nick pulled his fingers free, the sucking sound as Riley let them go nearly derailing any plans for fucking. It’s just a tease at first—Nick’s fingers trailing wetly down the curve of Riley’s ass, just hinting at their final destination. Riley growled into the pillow, pushing his hips back. “So sexy,” Nick’s voice rumbled deep from his chest, his hand shaking as he made another pass—this one skimming the line of Riley’s ass. “I’ve been watching you for five years, jerking off so many times, imagining…” Imagining this, this moment when he pressed his finger into Riley’s body, sank his teeth lightly into Riley’s shoulder, felt the energy jolt through them both. He moved his arm, teasing and preparing at once, his mouth stringing kisses from the red mark on his lover’s shoulder to the sweaty base of his neck. Riley shook beneath him, rocking and gasping at the attention. His body was tight and hot, clasping at Nick’s finger; when he pulled out and pressed in with two, Riley shoved back so hard for more Nick was almost dislodged. “Easy, easy, I’m gonna give you what you want,” Nick whispered. He pulled his fingers free in a slow, teasing slide, until both he and Riley were moaning at the sensation. “Up on your knees.” Riley scrambled to the position; Nick took the condom in hand and when he turned back to Riley, the vision almost stopped his heart. His lover was perfectly positioned—head down, legs spread, hips open and tilted. He had to grab his cock to keep from coming at just the sight of Riley like that. “I know, right?” Lily’s soft voice reminded him she was there, reminded him that she had Riley like this, that she was sharing this incredible man with him. Humbling. He leaned over to close the gap between him and Lily, sucking a bruising kiss into her mouth. Then he turned his attention back to Riley.

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The condom he put on first because he knew if he touched Riley again, it would be the end of his concentration. Lube was next, his fingers tingling under the gel, one hand gone to the small of Riley’s back. No one was cautioning him, no one was telling him to go slow and gentle. Nick held himself in check—he wasn’t going to treat Riley like spun glass but he would never hurt him. “Easy,” he said, mostly to himself, his dry hand stroking down Riley’s spine. “Please,” Riley whispered in response and Nick bit his lip at that single word. He didn’t waste time with a tease. They’d been hiding from each other for five years and he wasn’t spending another second fantasizing about the hot tight clasp of Riley’s body. Two fingers, in and out—the press inward, the clamp of Riley’s ass—the sensation and stroking and the non-words spilling out of Riley’s mouth. Nick’s body temperature soared to something incendiary, his tongue chasing a fevered burn over his lips. Riley pushed back, meeting every stroke with needy shoves for more. Nick braced himself with a hand to the small of Riley’s back, twisting his fingers to catch every nerve ending. It was only a few minutes before Riley’s body said “ready” and Nick’s body said “right fucking now before I die”. Slowly he pulled out, wiping his hand on the bed sheet near his knee. The bed shifted as Lily moved closer, just out of Riley’s eye line, to lie flat on the mattress, watching Nick with wide eyes. Nick sucked in a steadying breath; he took his cock in hand, slicking it wetly with more lube before brushing a kiss to Riley’s back as he lined himself up. “Waited so long.” The words slipped out and Riley shook beneath him, a breathless rattle in his chest as he jolted backward. Unable to deny himself another second, Nick sank into the exquisite tight heat of Riley’s body. Riley moaned as he bottomed out; there was no resistance but now balls deep, he was aware of his lover’s fierce shaking beneath him. “Okay?” he gasped, bent entirely over Riley’s body, shielding and covering him, mouth against his ear. The yes, don’t stop please was nearly lost in the sheets as Nick began to move. He pulled out halfway before shoving back in, eyes rolling back in his head as pure pleasure rocked through his blood. Another stroke—farther out, deeper in. Another and another until the punishing rhythm took over. He watched the circle of Riley’s body sucking in his cock. Couldn’t look away from the perfect give and take. It was hypnotic and it was pushing him over the edge far too quickly. Nick wasn’t ready to let this moment end.

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Beneath him, Riley begged, his cheek dragging over the covers with each thrust. Nick could see each white-knuckled fist full of wrinkled sheet and focused on that as he picked up the pace. “Don’t touch yourself,” he panted, hands braced on either side of Riley’s. “That’s for me.” Riley twisted and groaned, fighting each stroke with one of his own, a race to see who cracked first. Nick fucked him harder, pushed Riley flat on the bed so he could get more friction that way, so he could take it all, completely. It was overwhelming then— the reality, the smell of sex and sweat filling the air, the angry wanting cries from Riley, the iron clasp of his body. Nick couldn’t remember the last time he felt so completely out of control in the middle of sex. The strokes sped up until he was holding nothing back, to the point of pain. His vision went a little gray as the orgasm rocked him with a sudden viciousness. He pushed down, hard, and pulled out, still pulsing in the condom. “Turn over,” he said roughly, not yet sated with Riley’s body. Not even close to being finished with his lover’s pleasure. He was hovering on the edge of pain and it felt so good Riley almost couldn’t make his body work to roll over. The moan that escaped him when he was finally on his back was part ache and part blue balls; the phantom pounding of Nick’s body burned as he arched and spread his legs. He didn’t bother to hide the fact that he was openly staring at Nick, tongue flicking over his bottom lip in blatant want. It was one of his favorite fantasies coming true; Nick bending down, flicking his tongue over the swollen head of his cock, teasing for a long cruel moment, and when he was sure that Riley’s eyes begged hard enough, he swallowed him down in one smooth stroke. “Oh fuck,” Riley cried, eyes fluttering shut and head flopping heavily back to the bed as Nick’s mouth took him in. Nick swallowed until Riley’s cock hit the back of his throat, his fingers slipping back into his body without announcement or prep, fucking him again. Riley’s legs parted greedily, giving Nick all the room in the world to do this. His toes pressed and clenched at the edge of the mattress, his hand slid over his face and then through his hair with a rough tug, the other flopped uselessly at his stomach, mere inches away from Nick’s head. It was so tempting to touch him, to move and just give in, but he didn’t. He wanted Nick to take this from him—with his full permission—hold him down and pull it from his body. Pulling off Riley’s cock with the most obscene slurp outside of a porn movie, Nick’s eyes were riveted to his lover’s face. His fingers continued their thrust and pace, unrelenting.

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“You’re so fucking sexy,” he murmured, twisting a third finger inside Riley’s body. “I could fuck you forever.” Riley’s upper body arched against to the bed, but he felt no pain, just exquisite need. “Better…than…fantasies,” he managed, crying out as Nick’s fingers hit his prostate like a magic button. “Just getting started,” Nick said smartly before leaning over and licking over the head of Riley’s cock. “Can I….?” Riley’s words trailed off into a groan as Nick swallowed him to the root. Nick shook his head—with his mouth still wrapped around Riley and really, he wanted to weep from the perfection of hovering between pain and pleasure like this. He wanted to beg for release and at the same moment never ever leave the precipice. Another long slurping pull off and Riley screwed his eyes shut, control clamping down an iron fist as his body threatened to betray his thoughts. Nick said no—so he was not going to come because he was not going to ruin this amazing fucking moment. Never losing the connection of fingers to ass, Nick shifted to his knees and shoved Riley’s legs even farther apart with his free hand. “Lily,” he said then, breathless and rough from having Riley’s cock in his mouth. God. Riley had not forgotten his audience, or his beloved Lily watching another man fuck him. Now Nick clearly called her to participate and he thought he was probably too young to die of a heart attack, seriously. “Yes, Nick,” she said sweetly in response. Her naked body swam into Riley’s view and he groaned. “Hold him down, okay?” And then Riley full-on cried. He could smell Lily’s arousal as she braced her body over his, rubbing her body against his chest, hands entwining his and flattening the backs to the mattress. Her smile reassured him, her difficulty in breathing as she dragged her breasts over his convinced him the only repercussion of his moment was going to be giving her the orgasm of the year as a “thank you”. Nick didn’t wait long to go back to his deep-throating. Riley turned his head from side to side, catching Lily on the turn, bringing their mouths together in a fierce kiss. He focused on the rough slide of Nick’s tongue over his cock and the fingers pumping slowly inside of him, the biting and stinging of Lily’s teeth on his bottom lip and her nipples hard against his skin. Everything froze for a second before he came; he was locked between them, the two people he loved more than anything imaginable, held down and at complete peace. The orgasm built at the base of his spine and burned up and out of his body.

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Nick never stopped, swallowing Riley deep to catch the last few pulses of his orgasm. Lightheaded, Nick pressed kisses over Riley’s torso as he came down, moving until he reached the sweet curve of Lily’s back. He continued his journey until they were all inches apart, curved around Riley. Nick stared down, sated and pleased as Riley looked. “Someone help a girl out,” Lily laughed breathlessly, carding her fingers through Riley’s hair. Nick licked his lips. “Mouth or fingers?” Riley moaned between them. “Yes, thank you,” she said with a wicked drawl. Nick growled as he pushed Lily’s legs roughly apart; no way in hell he was getting it up but he could smell her need and now he wanted to taste it. He held her knees apart, his gaze sweeping at the damp pink center of her body. It went a second past her comfort zone and he licked his lips until she moaned and shifted, not wanting his eyes on her. So Nick kept watching. He watched the liquid pearling, the pulse of her desire until Lily begged for his mouth in a breathy moan. And then he leaned down, tightened his fingers on her skin and ran his tongue over her swollen clit.

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Chapter Twenty-Five Lily sat at the dining room table, watching the clock and nursing a glass of orange juice. She left the light on over the sink, just enough illumination to keep her from being entirely in the dark. It was three twenty and she couldn’t sleep. Watching Nick make love to Riley had been a profound experience. She wasn’t entirely prepared to watch her husband fall apart so beautifully under another person’s hands, but then it was Nick—and Nick loved Riley almost as much as she did. She wondered if there was something wrong with her, to calmly acknowledge that fact, to see it alive and active in that bed. To feel content at the sight of Riley curled up against Nick’s side, Nick’s hand on his back, steadying and protective in sleep. In her life, until Riley, she hadn’t had any idea what she was capable of when it came to love. She’d fucked scores of men, had affectionate feelings for some but never, never had she even considered the word in relation to any of them. Lily finished the orange juice and played with the glass, moving it in tiny circles on the surface of the table. She was glad Riley was the only person who’d heard those words from her mouth. I love you, I will always love you, I will give you anything you need within my power. And maybe—if she was honest—she felt overwhelming affection…and more…toward Nick. He was stalwart and honest and kind. He loved Riley. He had her feelings at the center of his actions. He cared about their marriage. She felt fortunate. She was overwhelmed. Footsteps creaked down the hallway behind her. She knew it was Nick because Riley had a distinctive stomp and shuffle when he was awake in the middle of the night. “Lily? You okay?” Nick whispered through the dark, coming to stand next to her. She could hear the worry in his voice. “Yeah—just couldn’t sleep.” She smiled up at him. “I drank all your orange juice.” “I had sex with your husband. I feel like we’re even,” he said dryly, sitting in the chair next to her. “Silly,” she said, laying her hand on his. “I’m not upset about that, honestly. It was—beautiful. Sexy.” Nick ducked his head. “You sure you’re okay?” “Nothing has happened so far that I didn’t already assume.” She gently yanked some hair on his wrist. “I pushed for this, as you might remember.”

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“I’m not even going to pretend I understand why,” he said lightly. Lily shrugged. She was used to being confusing to pretty much everyone on the planet. “I love Riley and I want what’s best for him.” It was the simple answer. “And that’s you. And me.” Nick shook his head. “You’re an amazing woman, Lily.” “No, I’m pretty fucked up.” She laughed, brushing her hair from her eyes. “I don’t actually have any practical real-world experience in normal relationships. I sort of make the rules up as I go along.” “Two divorces and a lot of fucking around,” he volunteered. “Not actually an expert myself.” “Right. So—you’ve done the traditional thing and it didn’t work. You’ve done the sexual liberation thing and that wasn’t enough.” He opened his mouth as if to argue but snapped his lips together, perhaps already knowing she’d call him on his bullshit explanations. “Why do we have to settle into something that’s all about denial and appeasing other people?” Nick half laughed, half sighed. “Because we live in polite society and the status quo—whichever one you pick—has to be maintained appropriately.” “I could give a shit,” she deadpanned. “Who the hell does polite society think they are? They failed me, they failed Riley. They failed you.” “I don’t know. I had some nice guidance counselors in high school. They were afraid Peter and I were going to off ourselves after our parents died. So there was some nice chatting about expectations and pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps.” Nick’s tone was fake-light and Lily wrapped her fingers around his wrist, rubbing her fingers on the undersides. “You both turned out great,” she said softly. “You’re an amazing person, Nick.” “I might be getting to okay in my old age but let’s not go crazy.” “Self-deprecation is not as sexy as you might imagine.” Lily leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Are you afraid of anything?” Nick laughed, shaking his head. “I swear to God, you have mammoth steel balls.” It took her a second to fully react. “Of course I’m afraid of things. Do you want the rational lists or the crazy irrational ones?” “Give me one so I don’t feel like a fucking basket case.” “Okay, I’m terrified Riley will leave me.” “That better be one from the crazy irrational list,” Nick said firmly. “He would never leave you.”

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“Maybe, maybe not. I love him with every fiber of my being but that doesn’t mean he won’t find someone else or just get tired of me.” Saying it aloud made it frighteningly real, even more so with Nick being the one holding her hand. “He would never… I would never…” “I’m not talking about now, Nick. I’m talking about the future. Nothing is written in stone.” She twined her fingers in his. “And what if things change for both of us? Or you and him?” “Cynical.” “No shit. And you’ve been divorced twice, you should know exactly what I’m talking about.” He was quiet then, rubbing circles on her palm and flexing under her grip. “I don’t want that for you and Riley.” She laughed lightly. “Me neither.” They were quiet for a few more moments then Lily felt they were too far apart. Without letting go of his hand she stood up and slid into Nick’s lap. He made a small sound of surprise but wrapped his free arm around her middle. “Thanks,” Lily said, laying her head on his shoulder. “For what?” Nick’s voice was soft. “For loving Riley. For being my partner in this.” She thought maybe she was weak for bringing someone by her side, sharing the responsibility, beyond Riley as her husband, but Nick made it feel all right to need someone else. “God, Lily,” he murmured. “Thank you for letting me be a part of this.” They cuddled in the dark quiet for a while, her head resting on his bare shoulder, his hands stroking her back under the T-shirt she’d thrown on when she got out of bed. “Let’s go back to bed,” Nick said finally, when the soothing strokes against her body became something intimate and needy. He lengthened them, reaching down to her thighs and clutching at her ass. “Again, Nick? You’re an animal,” she teased, squirming against him in a totally unfair way. Nick moaned, mouth against her breastbone. “You two are going to be the death of me.” “What a way to go.”

***** Riley hadn’t even moved from the curled-up heap under the covers since Nick had woken up and found Lily gone. His heart skipped a beat at that moment, worst-case scenarios had overwhelmed him in the dark. Lily was upset. Lily was angry. Lily was gone—and that one scared him the most. His first ex-wife up and left him—literally. A note on the dining room table, empty 124

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closets. He’d known there wasn’t much there between them anymore but that still didn’t prepare him for the nothingness when he walked through the door. It hurt him, deeply, and he’d barely loved her. If Lily left, it would kill Riley. But she hadn’t left and she wasn’t sad. Right now she was pulling the shirt over her head then climbing into the bed with a wicked smile on her face. A swath of moonlight seemed to have been lit and cast through the window just to show her off in all her sensual glory. Nick leaned against the headboard and watched, his eyes never leaving her face as she slid onto his lap in a re-creation of them at the table. Only now they were naked and he had a condom clutched in the hand that wasn’t rubbing her breasts. “Like this,” she murmured and it wasn’t a question. She was reaching for the condom, undulating her hips in a teasing lap dance as his cock swelled and ached beneath her. “Yeah,” was all he could manage, licking the swell of her right breast. He counted to ten while she opened the wrapper and to twenty as she rolled the condom down over his cock—the twist of her wrist for good measure elicited a moan that he was sure would wake Riley up. Lily lifted up, hands on his shoulders for purchase as she leaned in for a kiss, licking into his mouth as he took hold of his cock and rubbed it against her clit. She bit his lip. When Lily sank down on his cock without breaking their kiss, Nick’s self-control snapped. He put his hands on her hips and went up on his knees, her small frame easy to manipulate. He pressed her back down onto the mattress, pushing his cock back into her in one smooth slide. “Oh” Lily murmured, half a laugh twisted around a gasp. “Like that…God…hold me down,” she sighed and Nick groaned at her words, the tight clasp of her body. He gathered both her wrists into one hand, reaching them over her head. She squirmed in approval. Pinned down now between his body and his hand, Nick concentrated on the wet heat of her pussy and the little sounds of pleasure dropping from her mouth. The harder he held her wrists, the more she twisted, the more she squeezed her knees around his hips. The bed began to squeak from the effort and Jesus, was Riley dead? Because how could he not… And the thought cut off as a warm hand stroked down Nick’s back, over his ass and down his thigh, then back again. A damp tongue flicked his earlobe and he moaned loudly. “Oh yeah,” Lily groaned, hitching her hips up a notch to give Nick a tiny bit more space to bottom out. Riley sucked a kiss to the juncture between neck and shoulder and Nick—Nick just rocked deep in the cradle of Lily’s body until the bed and the moans and the sexy slick sounds of their bodies obliterated every thought.

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Nick turned his head, trying to capture Riley’s mouth. The kiss was rough, sloppy. Riley bit his lip and Nick growled; below him, Lily laughed and dug her knees into his hips, forcing him to ride her harder. It was pure rutting now—slams instead of strokes. Lily’s breathless pants turned to little cries; Riley broke the kiss and ducked between Nick and Lily’s bodies. Soft hair brushed against Nick’s chest as Riley kissed his way down Lily’s torso and then… …then it was all over because Nick felt the flick of Riley’s tongue against the hot core of where he and Lily were joined. He pulled out halfway and Riley…Riley brushed a kiss right above where the condom was. He pushed in and Lily shrieked and writhed and Nick knew exactly where Riley’s mouth was then. Three hard, fast strokes and three soft, light kisses and Lily was bucking beneath him so violently Nick let go of her wrists to brace himself on the mattress. He stopped moving for a moment, letting her take what she needed from him, from Riley who didn’t stop his relentless assault until she moaned and lay back on the bed. Nick held himself fast a second more then Riley’s attention returned to him. Strong fingers reached beneath him, cupping and squeezing gently at his sac. He pressed a kiss at the base of Nick’s stomach, rocking him gently between hand and mouth. “Uh,” Nick sighed, as if he had something to say, as if any words were possible at this point. He thrust into Lily’s body and let the orgasm rack his body. While he was in the bathroom washing up, Lily was blowing Riley—who let his appreciation be known in a very vocal manner. By the time Nick wandered back in to enjoy the show, Riley was in the throes of coming and really—the rest of it was nice but Nick could admit how much he loved the expression at this moment. Most guys made faces or held back but Riley seemed able to be beautiful and free like no other time in his life. His own cock considered a run at a three-fer night but wisely laid back down in the comfort of his boxers. “Here,” Nick said, approaching the bed with a few tissues in hand. Riley looked dazed, so he leaned down and kissed him because—God, seriously. Stunning.—and Lily licked her lips in a purely evil attempt to resurrect Nick’s lust. “Young lady, I’m forty-one. Be nice,” he said sternly. Lily went up on her knees, looking every inch the goddess she was. The siren smile however, screamed “trickster”. “Thank God we’re sleeping in tomorrow,” Riley said from beneath them. “You’re both wusses.” Lily twisted back under the covers, naked and golden in the moonlight. She jerked her shoulder toward the space behind her. “Come on, Zarcov— you’re making breakfast.” “How did I end up in a state of servitude?” Nick fake bitched as he climbed over Riley and Lily to lie on his side, the length of Lily’s warm, nude, sexy body.

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“Hmmm,” was all Lily said as she reached back to grab Nick’s hand, laying it on her hip. She snuggled on Riley’s shoulder, eyes already closed. “Don’t try to fight it,” Riley laughed in the darkness and Nick smiled. Yeah, that didn’t work anyway.

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Chapter Twenty-Six “Do you think it’s weird?” Lily was sitting on the couch, reading a social worker’s home visit report as she made notes on a legal pad. Riley had disappeared into the kitchen to “make tea” and she lost track of how much time he’d been gone. When she looked up she saw him standing over her, mug in hand, a frown marring his face. “What?” “This thing with Nick. Is it weird?” “You know you’re asking the wrong person, right?” Lily smiled, trying to ease his obvious worries. “Why? Do you think it’s weird?” “Yeah.” Riley sat down on the edge of the coffee table, lining his knees up to hers. “Not in a bad way. Just—I never imagined anything like this.” “So it’s weird but it’s good.” Lily leaned forward, pushing her papers and files onto the couch next to her. She put her hands on his face, light and tender against the curve of his jaw. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?” “No.” He was quick to answer and that reassured her. “Not second thoughts. Like—an absence of negative thoughts entirely.” “Excellent.” “You know I love you, right?” He was so damn serious. “Of course. And I love you. Nothing on that front has changed in the slightest.” “Maybe that’s why I’m worried.” It came out like a deep, dark admission. “You’re worried because we still love each other and everything is fine. That’s a really Riley thing to say, you know that, right?” She didn’t mean to laugh and she kissed his nose to show she wasn’t mocking him. Riley huffed at her, a small pout on his lips. She kissed that too. “I just need to make sure you’re okay.” “I’m fabulous. Happier than I’ve ever been and I’m pretty sure you feel the same way.” Lily moved her hands to hold his. “Nick seems okay,” he said casually. “Better than. So the consensus is we’re all good and even though we’re a bit on the nontraditional side…” “A bit?” Lily rolled her eyes. “Do I strike you as a traditional person?”

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“Never.” “There you go.” Riley seemed to puzzle over this and nodded, somewhere between agreement and reluctance. He was still going to worry because that was his way but he seemed mollified for the moment. “Actually I was thinking—it’s going well enough that I think we should make it clear to Nick that this is pretty open-ended.” He blinked at her. “Seriously?” “You don’t agree?” “No—yeah, I do. I mean, I want him around. But we’re going to say…what?” “We’re going to say—Nick, it’s been two months and we love you and we want you around and we’d like you to consider yourself in a relationship.” Riley swallowed. “Think he’ll go for it?” “He’s a fool to ditch two sexy people like us,” she teased. “Okay. We’ll ask him,” he said finally. “Stop thinking the worst, okay?” She rubbed the crease between his eyebrows. “What if someone finds out?” “Next to impossible. Nick is very careful to keep his private life private and we’re married, spending time with your best friend. Nothing about that is inappropriate.” “What if Nick…changes his mind?” “Then we’ll be sad,” Lily said softly, squeezing his hands. “But we’ll always have each other.” After a long pause, Riley looked her square in the eyes. “What about kids?” “We have to make a decision about that at some point but we’re sort of lucky in that respect. No chance it’ll happen unless we hire a lawyer and adopt.” She’d always been upfront with him, from the early days of dating. An out-ofcontrol infection when she was in her early twenties had left her sterile, a fact that didn’t weigh heavily on her—while she wouldn’t mind having kids at some point, Lily feared passing on her mother’s mental illness through biological birth. Deep down she suspected Riley felt the same way about his own gene pool full of addicts. “Will we talk to Nick about this?” he asked quietly. “It might change his mind. About…things.” “It might,” she agreed. “But we’re a ways off from that decision.” The frown lines didn’t abate but Riley seemed to be more thoughtful than doing worse-case scenarioing as he was wont to do. “Feeling better?” He shrugged, a half smile on his face. “I’ll feel better after we talk with Nick and this is less theory and more reality.”

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***** It had to wait until Friday night; work was crazy for all of them and no one seemed in the mood for a Serious Conversation when food and sleep and the occasional sex act were all they had energy for. Riley hated waiting but he also was sure this had to be handled in the most delicate way possible. Although he seriously wished he could just write on a piece of paper: Do you want to be with us for the foreseeable future? Yes or No Circle one Lily vetoed that idea. So they waited, until it was ten-thirty on a Friday night, the heat whistling through the floorboards and mugs of coffee littering the living room table. “So,” he said, a little too loudly, as the History Channel program they were watching ended with a scroll of credits. Nick, sprawled out on the floor under a blanket, raised his head at the sound. “What’s up?” Apparently, Riley had a very specific “I have something to say” expression and clearly Nick read it perfectly. Lily coughed and muted the television, almost unable to hide her smile. “Well, Lily and I were talking earlier in the week,” Riley said, calm and mature as he could manage as his stomach was churning with nerves. “And we wanted to let you know that…things are going very well. I think. I hope you think so.” With a snort, Lily pulled the covers over her head. He glanced at her sharply. “What?” “You sound like you’re giving a performance review,” she choked out from underneath the blanket. “That’s entirely unhelpful,” he said and from the floor Nick smirked. “I would have to agree,” Nick said, helpful and sarcastic at once. “That things are going well,” he added. “Okay, great. And since it’s going so well, Lily and I wanted to invite you…” Lily’s muffled laugh interrupted him. “To continue to be around.” He finished as the laughter got louder. “So freaking unhelpful.” “Sorry, sorry.” Lily pulled the blanket back down; Riley had no choice but to forgive her laughter because her eyes were sparkling and her cheeks were pink with amusement. Riley found Nick’s eyes and saw the wideness and the nerves; his breath caught in his throat. Maybe this wasn’t as cut and dried for Nick. “Unexpected” was what his expression said. Shock.

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The humor of the moment was sucked out of the room; no one said anything and as the clock ticked ominously down the hall, things stretched out past “quiet surprise” and into “awkward painful silence”. “Be around?” Nick asked finally, his voice deep and dry. “Like…consider yourself a part of…this.” Riley made an awkward hand motion between him and Lily. Nick blinked. “Oh. Okay.” He clearly struggled for a moment, getting to his feet a second after that. “Thanks.” “Thanks?” That was Lily, who was leaning forward, her expression one of confusion. “Yeah.” Nick folded the blanket with exact precision. “Is that a yes?” Of course Lily wasn’t going to let that lie as is. “I’m not sure what you want me to agree with. We’re doing this and we’re all good with it.” Nick wasn’t looking at either one of them. “So—thanks. And yes.” Riley shook his head. “We’re asking you to be with us in this relationship. It’s a little more serious than—that.” “You’re not asking me to marry you because that’s impossible. So we’re continuing on in the vein we are now.” He sounded so…professional. “Why are you making it sound so shitty?” Riley stood up and Nick dodged any approach by going to the corner to put the blanket in the wooden chest under the window. “I’m not. I’m just laying out the way it is.” “We’re asking for you to be committed to us,” said Lily, from the couch. “Maybe…be with us exclusively.” Nick turned out around at that, his face a blank mask. “Seriously?” “So you want to be with other people?” Riley sort of held his breath at that; it seemed faintly insane to ask Nick to give up other people; technically he and Lily were “cheating” by some people’s standards. It was on the outer rim of normal. Crazy complicated. And yet—couldn’t it be a simple agreement between the three of them? “Maybe. I’d like to keep that option open,” he said, still not meeting either of their gazes. “Fair enough,” Riley said quickly. He couldn’t deal with tension right now, particularly between Lily and Nick, not when his chest felt tight and pained. Nick sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. “Listen—I…adore you both. I am very happy with the way things are going. I’m just not a commitment guy. It doesn’t work for me.” Lily made a derisive sound.

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“So I’d like to be able to keep this casual to a certain extent. We’ll keep using protection, I’ll keep getting tested as per the club rules and we’ll evaluate now and then, make sure everyone is okay.” Riley bit the inside of his cheek to keep from frowning. “Okay,” he said, neutral as possible. But Lily wasn’t going to let it lie. “I think it’s stupid, you keeping that club membership when it doesn’t make you happy anymore.” “That’s really for me to decide,” Nick said evenly. “You’re happier with us.” Riley lifted his hands in a vain attempt to stop the escalation of this. “This is what it is, for now.” Nick’s tone hardened. “There aren’t any guarantees…” “No of course not. But we can’t operate on the assumption that this is a fling or something. It’s not healthy.” Riley started to pace; he didn’t like arguing and he certainly didn’t like it when Nick and Lily were doing it. “You’re the hippie hedonist. And this isn’t what passes for a normal relationship.” He almost choked on the word. “So let’s not put rules and regulations on it.” That sent Riley out of the room, walking quickly into the kitchen as an escape. His first instinct was an alcoholic beverage but instead he turned to the sink full of dinner dishes they’d neglected earlier. Simple chores, automatic movements. He turned the water on hot and methodically soaped and rinsed each plate and utensil. It cut out the volume of any arguing going on in the next room. Nick felt trapped in his own living room. Riley was able to ditch things as soon as they got tense, but Nick was caught in Lily’s angry stare and his legs failed him. The question took him completely by surprise. For all their “we’ll see how it goes” and his own private wishes, he never in a million years thought he’d be invited in like this. Even though he didn’t go to the club much anymore. Even though he had no interest in anyone else. The permanence of agreeing to it rattled him to the core. “I really didn’t imagine your reaction would be total chicken shit,” Lily said, arms crossed across her chest. “That’s not fair.” “It’s absolutely an accurate assessment.” “I don’t think there’s any reason to change the way things are,” he tried again. “I disagree.” “It’s not just about you, Lily. Or Riley.”

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She cocked her head toward the kitchen. “Riley? Whom you love? Who wants you to be with us?” “Yeah. Him. Your husband.” His tone was sliding into nasty and he sucked in a calming breath. “Don’t be shitty with me, Nick. Because this all doesn’t happen for another second if I decide it’s over. And I will end it if you’re going to play emotional games with us.” “Goddamn it, Lily! Stop dictating everyone’s fucking emotions!” Words vibrated against the windows. “I am not ready to change the way things are. Riley is clearly not very interested in fighting. Get over yourself—you’re a third of this, no more than that.” He snapped his mouth shut, heart pounding. Lily barely blinked in response. “Fair enough.” She was absolutely in charge of her emotions—he couldn’t read more than her cool glittering stare. She was looking right through him and he hit a brick wall. “Jesus Christ, you’re not a robot.” “No, I’m not. But you’re right—I’m only one third of this. You know what the two of us want and you know deep down what you want.” She tapped her foot on the rug. “Fine. So stop pushing me,” he spit out. “I won’t mention it again. But please be aware that we’re not going to hang around forever, waiting for you to get over your emotional fucking constipation.” An ultimatum. A threat. Nick stared at her and she didn’t back down one tiny bit. “Fine. Give me a few more weeks.” “Deal.” She thawed then, watching him with something akin to pity. “I’m going to take a shower and head to bed,” Lily announced coolly. She stood and walked out of the room without a backward glance.

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Chapter Twenty-Seven Nick showed up twenty minutes before he was supposed to meet Jason at the club. He felt awkward for the first time within its walls, itchy in his own skin. He dodged the growing Saturday night crowd and headed for the bar before he turned around and went home. Or to Lily and Riley’s house. No, he needed space. A little distance for all of them was the right thing at this point. After the argument with Lily, things had been quietly strained. No one mentioned it, and the spark seemed to be dimmed when they were together. Despite that fact and the fact that sex had slowed to something tentative and a fast release, they were still getting together a few nights a week. Somehow that sent him into a tailspin of panic. If they weren’t together for sex, he had to face some truly momentous facts. What the hell was he doing? Riley and Lily were a couple, there had been vows— he’d been there for Christ’s sake. How much more time could he live on the outskirts of their happiness, preventing them from creating a normal future? The two of them, kids of their own. The guilt ate at his heart. He was so selfish to take advantage of them. “Nick?” Jason’s voice roused him from his self-pitying. “Hi.” “Hey, Jason.” Nick tried to make his smile as warm as possible. Why didn’t he date someone like Jason? He was attractive, friendly. They could make something work. Except for the fact that Nick had chosen him because he looked like Riley. Nick swallowed. “Drink?” “Club soda. I’d like to enjoy tonight to its fullest extent,” he said with a grin, leaning his lanky body next to Nick at the bar. He let himself curve toward Nick, open and inviting. Nick signaled the bartender and switched from vodka to water himself. He needed a clear head tonight, to focus on his life going forward and not a pile of dreams that wouldn’t come true. “I got room seven,” Jason said, his tone conversational and light. “Thought we’d have a little extra fun tonight.” The flirting, the scent of Jason’s warm masculine cologne—Nick wished it could mean more. It would be so much easier if Jason were someone he cared about, and more than in just a sexual way.

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“Excellent.” Nick paused, pushed Jason’s drink toward him. “How was your week?” Jason blinked at him in confusion. “Uh—good. We had some visitors from out of town at the office so there was a lot of catered lunches.” “Oh. Sounds good.” Nick almost asked what Jason did, but that meant he would have to offer what he did and that wasn’t happening. “Everything okay, Nick?” Jason smiled as he leaned in closer. “You seem really distracted.” Nick shrugged. “Just a lot on my mind.” He tightened his grip on the tumbler in his hand. “Let’s go upstairs, okay?” That seemed to be a more usual response because Jason smiled in agreement, grabbing his club soda. Room seven had a round bed, mirrors on the ceiling and a fully stocked closet of sex toys. Nick avoided it usually—it was clichéd and made him feel like he should be wearing leather pants and gloves and carrying a whip. So not his style. But Jason liked the paddle and he liked when Nick got rough with the strokes and fucked him against the padded headboard. Nick liked it when he could shut off his brain and just thrust his cock into a warm, tight body. That wasn’t happening tonight. “Fuck yeah,” Jason moaned and Nick gripped his hips with tight and frantic fingers. His body thrust in and out, listening to the thuds and smacks of their sweatdamp bodies. But his mind didn’t stop clicking along. They didn’t linger. There was nothing even vaguely resembling a cuddle. Nick used the shower first, lingering under the spray as he washed hours of sex off his body. He felt guilty. Guilty for being so far removed from Jason’s pleasure. Guilty for fucking another man who wasn’t Riley. They parted at the doorway to the room; Nick just wanted out of there and a clearly unsatisfied Jason was headed for the bar. “Sorry,” Nick said softly, brushing his hand over Jason’s shoulder. “I’m just…I don’t know.” “No problem. Seriously. Go home, get your head together,” Jason said kindly. “Maybe this isn’t the place for you anymore,” he added. Insightful, Nick thought, and he nodded. “Good call actually. I apologize though— you didn’t come here expecting this and I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you.” Jason shrugged, still smiling. “No hard feelings, okay? It happens. You’re not a machine, Nick.” Well, that would make things easier if he was.

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He went home instead of to Lily and Riley’s. He wanted to have some privacy to think, a clear head as he made some decisions. Of course “home” was awash with memories of both of them, in every corner of every floor. Nick took the laptop into the attic’s theoretical guest room, with a desk, twin bed and six lamps he didn’t know where else to put. It was overly warm and faintly musty but there were no specific memories of Lily or Riley up here. There was mindless surfing but then Nick ended up trying to find Christmas gifts for the people on his list. Peter, Lily, Riley. Okay, this avoidance thing clearly wasn’t going to work. Lily and Riley weren’t people he was sleeping with. They were his closest friends. They were his family. Stepping away from them, from the circle of their affection, left him entirely alone. He didn’t want to be alone anymore. After avoiding relationships forever—even when he was in them for God’s sake—he was now smack-dab in the most serious one of his life. The club didn’t hold the same interest for him. Sex without strings, which had served him so well for so long, didn’t appeal. Lily was so right about him he felt like she was directly wired into his brain. He wanted to be in Lily and Riley’s dump of a house, bitching about the water pressure and lack of meat, curling up next to them on the couch and letting it be the happiest he’d ever been. He wanted that. He just couldn’t seem to take that final step. Nick sat there at the little desk for a long time, staring at the water-damaged spot on the far wall. When he pulled his thoughts together it was well after midnight. He continued his web shopping, sure he wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight.

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Chapter Twenty-Eight He didn’t even know what he was doing here. Again. No—he did. He was avoiding the truth, again, avoiding the fact that he loved Riley and he loved Lily, desperately, and he wanted to be with them forever. He thought he might wake up with courage but it was just as overwhelming. So he begged off again and found himself at the club for a second night in a row. It was public performance night so the lobby was crowded with a throng of chatty regulars. Nick politely elbowed his way through, an idea about the bar and a few drinks and maybe a completely shameful blowjob in one of the dark corners. There was no self-deception here. He knew he was a jackass and a moron. “Nick,” someone said and he sighed, unable to keep the anxiety off his face. Fucking hell, he needed to get out of here. He needed… Steven walked out of the crowd and caught Nick’s arm at the doorway of the main space. “Lucky me,” he said, even as Nick jerked away. “I’m pretty sure we had this conversation already, Steven,” he remarked coldly. “I’m not interested.” “Shame.” Something about Steven’s expression felt like mocking. Like this was a game he enjoyed playing. “Right, bye.” Nick stepped through the doorway and headed to the bar, moving along the wall to avoid the groups of threes and fours, chatting before the performances would begin. I’m moving in the wrong direction, Nick thought, reaching the bar with an audible sigh. One drink then he was gone. That was the deal. And then he was canceling his membership. The bartenders for the night were regular fixtures and the one closest gave him a nod as he tucked himself into a corner. “Same?” he called and Nick smiled wanly. “Thanks.” A neat whiskey appeared a few minutes later and Nick welcomed the burn as he tipped the liquid gold down his throat. “Buy you another?” Nick slammed the glass down on the bar top, the sound incredibly loud even in the buzzy sound of the crowd.

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“What the fuck is your problem?” Nick asked angrily. Steven sat placidly next to him, signaling the bartender. “Really, Nick, lower your voice.” “Don’t talk to me, stay the fuck away from me,” he said, standing up and reaching for his wallet. He threw a fifty on the bar. “Sir? Do you need some assistance?” A well-suited man appeared between them, his voice low and urgent. “Yes, tell him to cease and fucking desist.” Nick felt his anger getting the best of him as he jerked his head in Steven’s direction. This was supposed to be his safe haven and it was turning into hell. “Sir?” The man addressed Steven now, his politeness turning slightly cooler. Steven shrugged. “I don’t know what the problem is.” “I keep telling him to stay away from me and he will not.” The words sounded childish to Nick’s ears but he didn’t need this right now. He couldn’t find a calm place anymore when it came to Steven. “I would be happy to review the club rules if there’s some confusion,” the man said blandly. “There needs only to be one request from one member to another to be left alone.” “Maybe he’s the one following me around,” Steven said with a sigh. A small crowd was gathering around them, either scandalized or eager for a fight—Nick couldn’t really tell. “He came over after Nick was sitting down.” The bartender was leaning over, a sharp expression of distaste on his face—and entirely directed at Steven. “I heard him ask to be left alone.” There was a pregnant pause. Steven’s stare hardened on the bartender’s face—but he didn’t flinch. “Thank you, Edward.” The man in charge nodded to Nick. “I’m so sorry, sir.” “I’m leaving now.” Nick pushed his way away from the bar and through the crowd as quickly as he could, his stomach churning with anger. He wanted to punch something, someone; he was mostly angry with himself for being here tonight and for being unable to control himself. He felt like an idiot.

***** In the kitchen Lily focused on making dinner, cutting a pile of vegetables into clean even strips. The methodical movements of hand and knife slowed her breathing and allowed her to readjust her mental compass. Things had been going so well and now—it felt shattered and unfixable. She wanted to demand things of Nick but couldn’t figure out if she had the right to.

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“Hey, need help?” Riley asked softly, coming up to stand next to her at the sink. He rested his chin on her shoulder; the rush of warmth pushed the chill away for a moment and she smiled at his serious face. “I think we could both use a glass of wine,” she said with a smile. “At least.” Riley kissed behind her ear and brushed his hands against her waist. “Is uh…do you know if Nick is coming over tonight?” he asked, nonchalant as he opened the fridge door. “I think he has a date,” she murmured, turning back to the vegetable meditation. The resulting slam and clank behind her confirmed Riley heard what she said. “Whatever, his choice.” Riley put a full glass of a heavy red on the counter near her cutting board. His voice was tight, words snapping out like a ricochet. “Right. His choice.” The knife clicked slowly, the yellow pepper falling into strips. “I can accept it without being happy about it.” Riley shrugged. “We told him with actual words and his response was to blow us off. That’s his answer—I don’t need to hear the words.” She could almost hear the door slam in Riley’s words. “I think he’s scared.” Lily put the utensil down and turned to face Riley, her smile sad. “He’s not the only one.” “Of course not. But we have each other…always. He feels like—there’s no room.” Riley didn’t respond to that. He sighed deeply; Lily knew it was almost impossible for him to stay angry with Nick. “I don’t know how to convince him he’s a stupid idiot,” he said finally, laying his head on her shoulder. She reached up to stroke his hair, petting him until they both could breathe a little easier. “All we can do is love him, okay? That’s it. Let him know that we’re here and let…he has to make his own decision.” Riley nodded.

***** The delivery guy showed up at her office at half-past nine Monday morning, a spray of pink lilies and baby’s breath in a huge cut-glass vase. It was barely tasteful and it must’ve cost one fifty, at least. She signed for them and, after placing them on her desk, dug around for the card. Sorry. It said. And then two initials. NZ Lily was pretty sure New Zealand wasn’t sending its regrets for being a dickhead. Much as she understood Nick’s reaction to their request, it still pained her to hear it. To watch him pull away from them. To see Riley’s sad withdrawal and overthinking

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frown. One of his ever-present worst-case scenarios, playing itself out in all its Technicolor glory. It made her crazy. She moved the vase to the top of the smaller bookcase in her office, balancing its weight carefully before going back to her desk. The phone was in her hand when a knock turned her around. Nick stood in the door sufficiently sheepish and nicely pulled together in a charcoal gray suit. “Flowers get here all right?” She gestured toward the monstrosity on the bookcase. “Uh wow. Those are…big. And pink.” “They’re not from the funeral section of the florist, are they?” “No. They’re from the I’m a Moron collection.” He stepped inside, shy and charming and repenting as much as he flirted. “Aptly named.” “Do you forgive me?” “Sure. Just tell me what you’re sorry for.” Lily leaned her hip against the desk, arms folded over her chest. He rolled his eyes. “You are not easy.” “No, no I’m not.” She made a “go ahead” gesture. “I’m sorry I reacted so badly to yours and Riley’s generous and loving offer. And you’re absolutely right—I’m in utter panic mode.” “Was that so hard?” “It took me two weeks of very little sleep and almost no sex.” Lily eyed him critically. She could read Nick a bit too well and he was at least at twenty-five-percent bullshit. “Okay. So what’s your answer?” Nick blinked. “I thought I had a few weeks.” Maybe more like fifty-percent bullshit. “Take your flowers back, okay? I’m not forgiving you so you can crawl back into our bed.” She turned her back on him and sat down at her desk, as clear a dismissal as she could manage. “Lily, that’s not what this is about.” “Bullshit. This has never been just about sex and frankly I’m tired of you playing with us like this.” A note of panic and tears hit her voice before she could swallow it down. “Go away.” Nick was around the side of the desk and kneeling in front of her in a flurry of movement.

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“No, that’s not what I want.” He sounded scared, his hands clenched at his side like he couldn’t figure out where to put them. “You can’t jerk us around, okay? It’s not fair.” Her heart was beating like a speeding freight train; the pressure at her temples throbbed. She was just so disappointed in him. “I know.” “No, you don’t. We miss you,” she murmured, watching him from under her lashes. “Don’t you miss us? Don’t you miss me?” “That’s a stupid question. How could I not?” He leaned closer and she couldn’t resist turning her chair to face him. “Then say yes, drop that stupid club and let yourself be happy.” Nick reached out and laid his hand on her knee, squeezing through her wool trousers. “Yes.” Lily’s heart did a leap in her chest. She bit her lip, touching Nick’s face with her fingers. “Promise.” “Yeah.” He looked up at her and she saw the true wear of the past two weeks in his expression.

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Chapter Twenty-Nine Nick was sitting in his truck outside the house when Lily and Riley pulled up in the rental car—the bike had given up the ghost. He felt tired to his bones and hungry to be in the arms of the two people he cared about most in the world. He watched them get out and move toward the house, Riley casting sharp looks over his shoulder at him. He had a choice. Stay or leave. For a long moment he doubted his ability to buck up and move but in the end a powerful need pushed him to open the door. They met up on the disreputable porch, frost glittering in the early evening light. Riley stared him down, hurt and anger burning in his eyes. He held himself in a rigid line before unlocking the door and ushering Lily inside. “Gonna let me in?” Nick asked softly, crowding into Riley’s space, until he could breathe in his irritation and aftershave. “You going to stay?” He nodded and Riley relented, stepping aside. Nick took a liberty he couldn’t refuse; he brushed his body against Riley’s as he walked through the door. Inside Lily had taken off her shoes and was in the process of pouring wine into a large glass. Nick raised his eyebrows. “Get your own,” she said playfully, flicking the light switch with her elbow. “I’m getting beers,” Riley muttered behind them. He trudged into the kitchen and Nick glanced from his retreating back to Lily. She shrugged. “Apologize, then fuck his brains out. It’s the only thing that’s going to work.” Nick’s chest squeezed. There was a moment of clarity of how much he missed both of them. “How should I make it up to you?” Lily took a healthy swig of wine. Her cheeks were pink, her hair falling out of its professional twist, making her look far younger and more innocent. “I wouldn’t argue against the same,” she said with a twinkle. He crossed the space between them in three steps. “Here, let me grab this for a sec.” Nick relieved her of the glass and the bottle, putting them on the coffee table. “Right now? That couch hurts my back,” Lily teased but he shook his head. Nick wrapped his arms around her, pulled her flush against his body so he could look down into her eyes. Her eyes widened slightly, breath caught in her throat. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, heartfelt. “I’m sorry I thought that club or anyone else could be as good as I have it here.”

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Lily’s smile was different this time. Not sly and knowing but shy…pleased. “We missed you,” she said softly. “I like that you missed me.” “Riley…” “We’re talking about you and me.” She flushed prettily. He had to kiss her then, slotting his lips over hers in a greedy feeding of teeth and tongue. Lily opened up for him, passive under his need. Lily took it until he felt her moving her mouth, sucking in a deep breath against his jawline. “Excellent start to things,” she whispered, resting her forehead against his shoulder. “I’m not just here for Riley,” Nick said suddenly, his mouth moving to her ear. “I want you to know that.” She pulled away at that, still blushing and unable to meet his eyes. He wasn’t used to seeing Lily as anything but entirely confident. This shy disbelief at his words touched something deep inside him. “Go talk to Riley now, okay?” Lily fidgeted as she picked her wineglass back up. “I’ll meet you guys in bed.” Nick nodded. Her knees were weak as Lily walked into the bedroom. The wine went down fast; she wished she’d brought the bottle. Nick being back was wonderful. It felt right and it would make Riley feel better. Framing it for herself—that’s where she was having a problem. Lily adored Nick when he wasn’t being ridiculous. She found him sexually desirable. She trusted him. Everything about him appealed to her and yet when he said he was back for her too, butterflies danced in her stomach. Nick cared about her, of that there was no doubt. But she was utterly unprepared for seeing the depth of his caring. This had never been about her. Except now it was, at least a little bit. Lily undressed quickly. She didn’t bother with nightclothes or anything else beyond brushing her teeth and hair. As she tidied up the bathroom, she heard the bedroom door open and bodies slam inside. Nick was just in his pants, Riley his underwear. She stood in the door and considered the apology had gone over well.

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They were kissing, frantic and fierce, wrestling for dominance until Nick grabbed Riley’s forearms, holding his arms in place. Riley pushed back—because he was Riley— but then he seemed to melt in Nick’s arms. Lily made a satisfied little sound under her breath. The kissing took a turn—slow and sensual now, bodies rubbing together. Nick walked Riley backward to the bed, pushing him down with a hard shove. Their lips pulled apart with a damp smack and Lily hurried to join in. She wrapped her arms around Nick from behind, toying with the fly of his pants, her teeth sharp against his shoulder blades. Riley’s fingers joined hers; they got his pants unhitched and down, working Nick from either side. Welcoming him home. Dropping to his knees, Riley made quick work of Nick’s boxers and Lily changed positions to watch. He wasn’t a natural or trained but Riley approached everything having to do with Nick with so much pleasure, hands tight on Nick’s thighs, that nothing seemed more important in the world to him then getting his lover off. Lily sat on the bed behind him, stroking his hair and back, her gaze on Nick’s face. He looked pained, fingers tight in Riley’s hair as he rocked into his eager mouth. “Gorgeous,” Lily murmured, leaning forward to press a kiss to Riley’s shoulder. “Ohyeahfuck,” Nick choked out, straining to keep himself in check. He locked his knees against Riley’s hedonistic mouth going full force, full tilt on his cock. “Fuckyeah,” he murmured, massaging both hands into the other man’s hair, pressing his fingertips against the pulse points on his scalp. With one steadying hand gripping the base of Nick’s cock, Riley wrapped his lips firmly around the head and sucked deeply, inching down the length after each swallow. There was something satisfying about the dark sounds coming from Riley’s mouth, full and wet and hungry… His hips started moving a bit faster, with more purpose. He dragged his gaze away from Riley’s bent head, a low moan rumbling from his chest. When he looked at Lily, Nick saw an equally sensual sight; Lily, knees up and apart, touching herself with soft intimate circles against her clit. “Touch yourself,” he groaned to Riley. “Do it, right now.” Riley worked his hand down between his legs, moaning in relief—the vibrations from his mouth caught Nick off guard. He shook at the delicious rumble that shot up his cock. Below him, Riley moved back and forth, choking at the attempt to deep-throat Nick, his arm moving rapidly as he worked to catch up. Lily chimed in with a humming moan of her own, turning the room into a porn movie soundtrack. And yeah, that didn’t do anything but speed up the frantic cant of Nick’s hips and his hands jerking Riley’s head closer. That movement, coupled with a perfectly 144

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imagined view of Riley jerking himself off and Nick bit his lip to hang on just long enough…a little bit longer… “Too late,” he gasped, one more furious stroke into Riley’s mouth as he emptied himself with a few strangled sounds and a full-body shudder. The warning was appreciated but Nick’s iron grip on his head kept Riley from doing more than just swallowing in reflex as come splashed down his throat. A lesser person would have panicked at not being able move, Riley just braced his hands against Nick’s thighs and sucked gently on the softening cock in his mouth, his own arousal forgotten for the moment. “Ohhhh,” Nick sighed above him, “Oh…” He pulled out slowly, releasing the death grip he had on Riley’s hair at the same time. “Finish yourself off for me,” he smiled, running two fingers across Riley’s swollen mouth to wipe at the wetness at one corner. Riley’s mouth followed Nick’s fingers, drawing the pads between his lips to suck and nibble on before he released them. The order was simple enough and God knew Riley had enough experience with it thanks to his wife…who was behind him, making soft sexy sounds as she raced toward her own orgasm. Counting on that, Riley licked his palm and then brought it down his cock as if he had all the time in the world. Nick wanted him to finish himself off, yes, but first he had to get to that point. Moaning happily, Nick slid down so he could watch the action up close. “Lie back,” he muttered, “Let me see you.” He helped Riley ease onto his back, one hand on his chest, the other pushing his legs apart. It was a pose, a wanton, open pose for Nick’s pleasure and he smiled as he stroked the inside of Riley’s thigh. “Nice, very nice.” “Come enjoy the view,” Nick said to Lily and Riley stroked harder as she joined them on the floor. “Perfectly nice bed up there,” she murmured, stepping over Riley to slide into Nick’s lap. “Floor’s kinkier,” Nick teased as he pinched her nipples, his mouth lowering to kiss her neck. Lily sighed as she watched Riley jerking off. “Colder.” “Let me warm you up then.” “Bad line.” “Judgey,” Nick said with a hmph, turning Lily around so her back was to his chest; she shifted her ass and they both made a happy little sound. Riley was starting to get a cramp from jerking off. “Lean over.” Nick pushed Lily down until her lips were inches from Riley’s cock— which he had to squeeze to keep from erupting. “Help the man out,” he said softly and then he did something with his hands that Riley didn’t see but Lily clearly felt; she bit her lip, eyes fluttering closed. 145

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The floor was indeed cold but Lily’s delicate mouth was a furnace. “Oh God,” Riley choked out. She couldn’t manage it all but it was enough; he stroked up, she slid down and somewhere just beyond him, Nick was making Lily squirm violently in his lap. A hand sank into his hair—Nick, pulling hard as Lily slurped around his cock and then there wasn’t time to make a formal announcement of impending orgasm; just a final jerk of his hand and boom, Lily swallowing and Nick murmuring something that sounded like “fuck”. And yeah, Riley would like that. But for now he was pulling Lily up into his arms, holding her and watching Nick fucking his wife with four fingers and rubbing his cock against her thigh. Fuck was right. Lily cried out as Nick drove in hard and shuddered her release between them. “Oh my God.” “Seconded,” Nick muttered, still half hard as he squeezed Lily’s ass. Riley kissed Lily as she shook, her skin cool and damp. He held her tightly, stroking her hair. Her weight on him, Nick between his legs—his satisfaction was nearly complete. Nearly. “Bed,” he suggested, whispering Lily’s name into her ear. She moved a tiny bit then Nick lifted her at the waist, pulling her back against him. The view of Nick holding Lily—he had his mouth against the curve of her neck, inhaling with his eyes closed. Her head was tipped back, her curves fitting into Nick’s embrace perfectly. It was one of the most gorgeous things Riley had ever seen. He sat up to join them, brushing his lips over Lily’s breasts in a series of gentle kisses before maneuvering himself up to his knees. Better accessibility. “You’re both so beautiful,” he murmured, too embarrassed to look up after he said it. He concentrated on Lily’s nipples, biting and kissing until she squirmed and whispered his name. A hand slid into his hair, holding him to his task. It was Nick and he was strong and Jesus, Riley’s cock filled and hardened faster than he could have imagined. “Bed,” Nick said above him and this time it wasn’t a tease or a suggestion. It was an order and Riley whimpered into Lily’s shoulder. He stood up on wobbly knees, sliding back to sit on the bed. “Up against the headboard,” Nick said, standing with Lily still pressed against his front. There was a fierce expression on Nick’s face—clearly knowing exactly what he wanted right now and he was arranging them like props for his own pleasure. The thought moved Riley to grip the base of his cock, moaning. “Seriously, you’re killing me,” Nick whispered. He laid Lily down gently next to Riley; she curled up against Riley’s side and began kissing his shoulder, eyes closed.

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Nick watched them for a long moment then made a pit stop for another condom before joining them on the bed. “What?” Riley felt like there were words boiling under Nick’s expression but his lover shook his head. “Nothing.” The word was tender and Nick followed it up with a kiss, pressing his tongue deep into Riley’s mouth. Nick could kiss Riley forever but the desire to have them both pulled at him; he broke the kiss, staring down at Riley with a smile teasing the corners of his mouth. He’d missed them so much during his self-imposed exile; it was more than just sex but right now, those actions were the only way he could say it properly. “Seriously, I’m chaining you to this bed…” “Deal,” Riley said softly and Nick’s chest tightened. “What about me?” Lily interjected with a sleepy voice. “You’re going to be my partner in crime.” Nick leaned over to share a kiss with her, licking across her swollen lips and sweeping inside her mouth until he tasted every inch. She moved her head slightly, inhaling deeply. “Take turns fucking him.” Lily’s eyes opened and she moved, insinuating herself between Riley and Nick. “Yeah?” “Yeah.” Nick’s hips moved involuntarily. Next time, he thought. “But right now I’m going to fuck him while he fucks you.” Riley twitched and Lily tilted her head back, laughing breathlessly. “How long have you been jerking off to that one, Nick?” “You have no fucking idea.” It was a mumble as he opened the condom, smoothing it on. “Turn over, baby,” Lily purred to Riley, who’d slipped somewhere mentally and physically quiet at her tone. She pushed Nick back, her hands stroking over his pecs. “Get the lube. I’ll start.” With a flick of her tongue, Lily left him with no doubts as to how she was going to do that. Nick grabbed the back of her neck, pulling her into another kiss—this wasn’t sweet or gentle or teasing. He fucked her mouth, locking her into position so he could take what he wanted. When he pulled away, Nick was panting and Lily watched him with a lusty leer in her gaze. “Lube,” she said roughly then turned to where Riley had obediently moved to all fours. Nick’s back was turned when he heard the hard slap and Riley’s shaky moan.

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He steadied his breath as he went through the nightstand’s drawer; by the time Nick returned to the bed, Lily had Riley spread open under her tongue, her hands framed by the red palm prints on his ass. Riley’s entire body was rigid with want—Nick couldn’t resist leaning over to brush his mouth up and down the unbroken line of his spine, tasting the salty tang of his skin. He moved to Riley’s shoulder, stole a kiss against his cheek as Riley moaned and gasped into the pillow. He traveled back down to where Lily was flicking her tongue like a snake—sharing the musky taste of Riley’s body when Nick moved to kiss her. “Share,” he panted when they broke apart and Lily nodded, taking just one second to bite Riley’s left cheek. He yelped. Then he all but screamed when she reared back and slapped that spot with the flat of her hand. Nick threw the lube on the bed; it was like mental erotic telepathy because Lily just smiled and picked it up. “On your back, baby,” she directed and Riley moved before the last syllable faded in the air. He flinched when his ass touched the bed but Nick didn’t let him wince for long—he couldn’t wait to surge over him, take his mouth the way Lily took his ass. Riley moved underneath him, opening to him in a way he never had before. A flicker of pain went through Nick’s heart—he never imagined loving Riley more than he had during those five years but now… They kissed, swapping spit and moans until Nick felt he might burst with want. When he pulled away, arms still tight around Riley’s shoulders, he felt his lover arch up, crying out. Lily between his spread legs, her fingers twisting deep—it was a brutally sexy sight. “How do you want me?” she asked Nick, her voice raspy with want. Nick stroked down Riley’s stomach until he could fist the base of his cock. “You on top, me behind you.” She nodded, another hard twist of her hand. Riley bucked up and Nick tightened his hold, one last kiss before he moved. Because he desperately needed to fuck him. Lily pulled out slowly, whispering soothing nonsense to Riley who writhed beneath her. Positioned behind her now, Nick watched the stunning view—the womanly curves of her hips, her ass, her thighs spreading open as she straddled Riley’s prone body. He couldn’t resist reaching between her legs, stroking her gently with his fingers as his other hand gripped Riley’s cock. “Mmmm, tease,” she laughed breathlessly as he rubbed Riley’s thickness against her clit. Her hips circled slowly, until his fingers were drenched—then he guided Riley’s cock into her. She sank down and Nick’s breath caught.

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Lily leaned forward, elbows on either side of Riley’s head. The view for Nick was heaven—the sweet sounds of Riley fucking Lily taking his desire to a level he didn’t know he was capable of. For a long moment he just watched, listened. Wanted. But the beauty of it was he didn’t have to deny himself another second. Nick moved then, soothing hands down Lily’s back and then across Riley’s thighs. He spread Riley’s legs wider, tilted his pelvis up—the change of position earned him an approving cry from Lily, who quickened her pace. He was close now, cock in hand, brushing against Riley’s intimate opening as a tease. Until he himself couldn’t wait another second. No warning, just a shift of his hips, pressing the tip in; Riley groaned in response, one hand coming off Lily’s arm and reaching for Nick. And that was all she wrote because Nick choked on the emotion of it, the need. He pushed in hard, one fluid slide until his balls rested against Riley’s ass and all the air in his lungs was sucked out. One hand on either of Riley’s thighs, balls-deep—Nick moaned into the back of Lily’s neck at the heat, the way his heart pounded with something more lust. “Oh my God,” Nick choked out, rubbing his mouth against Lily’s shoulder. A fantasy didn’t taste like this, or feel so fucking good as sucked a kiss into her skin, his hips snapping front and back as he tried to literally crawl into Riley’s body. Lily moved up and down and then back—Nick’s kisses and moans against her skin made her greedy. She wanted to soak in his desire even as she rode Riley’s body. Her husband’s expression was pure bliss, eyes closed and mouth moving, sounds trickling out between gasps and groans. She lay down over him, pressing her breasts against his chest, dropping kisses along his jaw and neck. “So good, baby, so good,” she whispered, relaxing for a moment, letting Nick’s strokes rock her onto Riley. Riley’s hands wound around her waist, helplessly trapped by the two of them, unable to do anything but take it. His eyes flickered open and Lily hummed with pleasure at the blessed-out circles of blue. “Let him fuck you, baby, take it,” she moaned because this position rubbed her clit so perfectly—and then she felt Nick’s hand at the small of her back and she gasped. Riley shifted again and Lily felt Nick against her back, the pressure of his strong body and Riley’s trapping her. It was terrifyingly perfect, connecting the three of them in a way she didn’t know how to describe. “Lily! God,” Nick was groaning in her ear; she felt his thrusting speeding up, felt his teeth nipping her shoulder. She tried to push back but no, she was powerless to do anything but let him fuck her on Riley’s cock. 149

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She trembled with the force of it, captured Riley’s mouth with hers and kissed him until darkness flickered behind her tightly closed eyes. The bed shook with the force of their bodies and her orgasm freight trained up through her body and exploded without warning. Riley stopped being able to think—he could just feel at this point, under the waves of Nick fucking into him and Lily riding him…it was maddening and wonderful being unable to move, to be at their mercy. It was the constant refrain in his head. He was theirs. Whatever they wanted from him they could have. They could just take it. Lily spasmed above him; he felt her pussy clench around him, the tremble of her beautiful body in his arms. She cried out against his shoulder—he knotted one shaky hand in her hair to secure her against him. He held on for dear life. Nick’s fingers were bruising his inner thighs, his cock was slamming into him and Riley felt the last bit of his control detach. His eyes closed, he buried his face in the curve of Lily’s neck and let go. How he lasted this long, Nick didn’t have a clue. He slammed into Riley with less and less control, pushing his legs wider and farther apart until he felt they were testing the very limits of his demands. Nick rose up on his knees as Lily’s orgasm filled his senses—he watched the delicate tremble of her body and smelled the sharpness of her release. He moaned at the sound of her cries. Nick thrust harder. Harder. Until he thought he would never come, until he felt pain from the denial of his release. Then Riley began to shake and Lily mmmmm’d, her hips moving again in tiny circles, and Nick felt the orgasm he was staving off uncurling at the base of his spine. It was almost simultaneous; Nick felt the tightening clench of Riley’s body at the same time he lost control. He heard Riley’s cries, “Uh, uh uh,” and slammed one last time into his lover’s ass. The orgasm shocked him. It seemed to go on for too long, until it hurt, until he felt his heart would burst out of his chest. Riley shook beneath him, around him and Lily moaned as she absorbed every tremble. Then suddenly the room was quiet. Nick blinked until he got a handle on himself; he grasped the base of his cock and pulled out, careful of the condom. The slide out was almost as sexy as the slide in; he saw actual stars as he sat back on his heels. He bent down to kiss Lily’s back, spreading the kisses up and over until he reached Riley’s blessed-out smile. 150

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“I missed you both so much,” he whispered, the clench in his chest seemingly permanent now. Riley’s hand came up to cup the back of his neck as Lily turned her head, her expression soft. “You don’t ever have to miss us again,” Lily responded and that smile—Nick ducked his head to hide the stupid blush heating up his face. “Am I forgiven then?” he asked. Riley shifted underneath the pile, stroking his fingers to the side of Nick’s face. “Forgiven.”

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Chapter Thirty Work was practically background noise for Nick. They were strangely quiet; there were still cases coming in but his detectives all seemed on the right track. Nick’s supervisory capabilities reduced to two straight days of signing off on reports. The lack of brain distraction did him no good. It seemed too easy to be with Riley and Lily when they were actually together—in the bedroom, in their respective homes, making love or talking or just being in each other’s orbit. But when he was alone, the worries and the nerves plagued him. This quiet lull in his work life left too much time for personal concerns. “Hey.” “Hey.” It was Riley, calling after lunch as was his increasing habit. Nick tried to ignore the stab of emotion in his heart. “Everything okay?” “Yeah, why?” Riley’s voice went from casual to serious in a heartbeat. “Uh—I don’t know. I’m turning into my brother apparently. At least I didn’t ask you if anyone was dead.” “Not sure what that means—I was just calling to ask you about dinner tonight. I was thinking we could take Lily out.” “Why would you ask me if you could take your wife out?” Nick asked, the filter between brain and mouth off line. “I’m not. I’m saying we should go out—the three of us.” “In public?” “Seriously, Nick—did you hit your fucking head or something? Yes. You, me, Lily, out to dinner, back to our place later. Why is this complicated?” He was mad and whispering hotly into the phone. Something about that whisper reminded him of the deep, dark secret part of this. “Sorry.” Nick shook his head. “I’m gonna be late tonight actually. Maybe over the weekend,” he said, casual and quick. “We’ll go to Rosetti’s.” There was a long pause from the other end of the line. “Okay fine. See you later then.” The phone clicked harshly in his ear. Fuck.

*****

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Nick sat at the bar, nursing a club soda with lime. He hunched over the drink, sent waves of “leave me alone” through the sheer force of his mind. What the hell was he doing here? It was a pick-up bar, a few blocks from the club. He kept his promise—no going back there. He didn’t need that. Even if he didn’t plan to continue there, at least Steven had been banned. The complaints against him were apparently too numerous to ignore, particularly after the bartender who helped him out the night of the fight came forward about harassment himself. So that was done, but still—Nick resisted. For all the apologies and the sex and the welcoming, he was still avoiding the reality of what he had. He could be with Riley and Lily right now. He could be enveloped in their warmth, watching them—touching them. An open invitation and he was neglecting it. Nick had never felt stupider in his entire life. He drained the glass then reached into his pocket for his wallet. This was a mistake—even if he didn’t get in the car and go to them like any intelligent person would, he couldn’t stay here. Putting a twenty under the glass, Nick slid off the seat and headed for the entrance. He was going to make this entirely right. Go to the club, resign his membership and move on. Go home. On the street, he wasn’t looking where he was going, just plowing mindlessly toward the parking garage where he’d left his car, when a hand grabbed at his upper arm, nearly pulling him off balance. Nick’s first instinct was to throw a punch but he caught himself just in time. “Sorry, sorry.” It was Jason. Nick blinked until the red spots of rage cleared and took a deep breath. “No—sorry, I’m sorry,” Nick said, his voice wavering. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.” “You okay?” Jason’s voice sounded different and Nick stepped into the circle of light from a street lamp, guiding Jason with him. The bruises and split lip jumped out at him. “What the hell?” Jason looked away, angling his head so Nick couldn’t see the injuries as clearly. “Got mugged,” he said so unconvincingly Nick felt his blood pressure soar. “Bullshit.” Jason sighed. “Nick, relax. I can handle it.” “Handle what? I thought it was a mugging.” He touched Jason’s jaw, bringing his face back up to examine the wounds. They weren’t fresh so it must’ve been a few days ago at least. “Did you call the police?”

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“Sure,” Jason started to say but Nick just shook his head. “Before you keep lying, I should probably mention I’m a cop and I’ll be checking at the station tomorrow.” Jason’s eyes widened. “A cop? Shit.” “You into something I don’t want to know about?” “No—no.” Jason sighed. “Okay listen. I had a date a few days ago. It was fine and then it got…weird.” “Was it here?” Jason looked away. “I met him here but we went back to his place. Something a little more than just a room and forty-five minutes, you know?” Something plucked at Nick’s nerves. “Who?” Now Jason looked worried. “You know him.” Nick’s stomach dropped. “Who?” “Steven.” He got the story out of Jason slowly. After sending him home in a cab—with his card tucked in Jason’s pocket—Nick went straight to the office of the club to speak to the manager on duty. Pulling out his fucking badge was crazy but the anger fueling him would not be pushed away, no matter how many times he tried to catch his breath. The manager looked white-faced over the entire story; he wasn’t the guy around the night he and Steven had gone at it but apparently he knew the story. In a heartbeat he was on the phone to the owners as Nick paced the opulent circle of the rug on the floor. They would talk to Jason, certainly. They would make sure Steven’s name and picture were given to security in case he tried to get in again. Was there a need to involve the police? And so on until Nick was fairly growling through the speaker phone. “Feel free to do what you like but I will be following up,” he spit out before glaring at the manager and his bobbing Adam’s apple. By the time Nick stormed out into the cool winter air, adrenaline aftershocks were making him shiver. Steven was too much of a coward to come after him. He beat up Jason because he knew Nick was fond of him. The connection of dots—what the hell would Steven do to Lily and Riley in that case?—made him feel sick to his stomach. He dug into his pocket for his phone, almost frantic as he scrolled down to the Landon landline. He walked toward the parking garage to get his car, trying to formulate an intelligent plan to fucking kill Steven. 154

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Couldn’t go to the police. Couldn’t risk everything—his job, Lily’s and Riley’s as well. Couldn’t beat the shit out of Steven like he wanted to. “Hello?” Lily answered the phone and Nick stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “Lily? Hey, it’s me.” He tried to control his breathing. “Nick.” There was an air of reproach in her voice and he could hear Riley’s murmurings in the background. “I’m sorry—I’m just—I didn’t come over tonight and I…” Nick ran his hand through his hair. “I made a mistake and I’m sorry.” “Nick, calm down. Just—just come over now, okay? We’ll talk.” “No, I can’t.” He resumed his stalking toward the garage. “I have to take care of something. I just needed to tell you I’m sorry.” “What the hell?” Riley had grabbed the phone. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” Nick handed the sleepy-eyed attendant his slip. “Asshole. Try again.” Faint echoes of his conversation with Jason filtered back to him. “A friend got…hurt,” he said eventually. “Beat up. By someone else I know.” He tried to sound neutral but Riley clearly wasn’t going to take him at his word. “Why are you apologizing to Lily for making a mistake?” Nick sighed. “I should have been there with you but I wasn’t. I should have punched this guy weeks ago when he started hassling me…” “What?!” Wincing, Nick saw the attendant returning with his truck. “He’s just an asshole and he wants my attention. I haven’t dealt with it and now I have to. Now someone got caught in the fucking crossfire.” He still didn’t have a clue how to deal with it but God—he needed to. He needed to stop Steven before this got even more out of hand. “Where the fuck are you?” Nick imagined Riley stalking around the house, trying to find his keys and boots. “Downtown,” he said, noncommittal. “I’m leaving now.” “You better be coming here.” “Riley…” “Nick. Get over here. Now.” “Give me an hour.” He hung up and shut off his phone before Riley could utter another enraged syllable.

*****

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Nick pulled up in front of Steven’s duplex forty minutes later. He was clearly going to break his hour promise to Riley but then he expected to get a thorough ass kicking when this was done. He killed the engine and glanced up at the windows. Steven’s entire floor was blazing, like every light was on and functioning at its brightest. It felt like an invitation. Or a challenge. Nick got out and walked to the front door. He leaned on the bell under Steven’s name with a heavy hand, kept leaning until he saw the light at the top of stairs go on and the sound of the door opening. Steven appeared, clad in just jeans and his dickhead smirk. He grinned through the glass panes of the door and disengaged the lock. “Can I help you, Detective Zorcov?” he asked as soon as the door opened. Nick tried not to react. “Your neighbors are a chatty bunch,” Steven said with a smile. “Care to come in?” “I saw what you did to Jason.” Nick clutched his keys in one hand, teeth pressing into his palm. “Jason?” Steven pursed his lips. “Jason…oh right. That blond twink you like to fuck.” He shrugged. “I must admit, Nick—I don’t see the appeal. He’s rather boring unless…unless it’s because he looks a lot like your friend.” Nick’s blood ran cold. “I’m going to encourage him to file a police report.” He would not rise to the bait. Would not. Steven rolled his eyes. “Are you serious? We had a date, things got a little rough, which was why he was here in the first place. He belongs to a sex club, you know. He pays for the privilege.” “What happens in a consensual situation between two adults is not what happened with you and him. That’s assault.” Nick kept his hands at his sides because if he moved an inch he was going to throttle Steven’s neck. “It’s a hazy line.” Steven stepped back as if to shut the door but Nick moved too fast; he stuck his foot and maneuvered his hip to block the motion. “No, it’s not.” “You know this right here is bordering on harassment,” Steven said blandly. “Go away before I call 9-1-1 and you have to explain to the nice police officers why you’re so upset about a bad date.” “Stay away from me, stay away from my friends.” Steven rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Nick—you need to watch fewer cop shows. You’re starting to sound like a cliché.”

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He had no problem imagining the drama if Steven did call the police and he knew Jason would probably back down from filing a report. This was going to blow up in his face—he had no proof, no nothing. Nick stepped out of the doorway. “Stay away from me.” “You’re at my house, asshole.” Steven’s anger finally surfaced as he backed into the house and slammed the door in Nick’s face. The drive to Lily and Riley’s house seemed to take forever. Nick’s hands shook on the steering wheel as he pulled up and parked a few houses down. As he got out, he saw Riley sitting on the front steps, his legs shaking in obvious anxiety. When he got closer, Riley stood up, hands tight at his sides. Nick ducked his head as he approached, pausing at the bottom step. “How’s your friend?” “He’s fine.” “How are you?” Nick sighed. “Fucking tired.” Riley nodded and stood up. Nick finally raised his gaze to look at his friend and lover in the eyes. He was pissed. “You take care of things?” Nick considered this and then shrugged. “Tried. We’ll see if it sticks.” Riley clearly wasn’t in love with that answer. He jerked his head toward the front door. “Come inside. Lily needs to get to bed and you’re keeping everyone up.” It was clearly the closest to an invite of forgiveness Nick was going to hear for yet another screw-up on his part. Lily was actually already in bed, sitting in the middle with the covers up to her waist. She was wearing an expression of disappointment and worry that made Nick sick to his stomach. In his usual Riley way, he expressed his further displeasure by taking off his clothes and throwing them violently into the hamper. Nick stood still near the door. Waiting for someone to yell at him. “Seriously, get undressed and get in the fucking bed,” Riley finally said, slamming into the bathroom. Suddenly Nick had a crystallized moment of this being a relationship because nothing by any stretch of the imagination indicated tonight was about sex. He stripped slowly, a still silent Lily keeping her gaze trained somewhere slightly to the left of his shoulder. Leaving his boxers on, Nick folded his clothes and left them

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on the dresser. He listened to the sounds of Riley brushing his teeth—angrily—and paused next to the bed. Lily looked at him, eyes wide and hazel-pale, an extra long beat before she pulled the covers back. “Thanks,” Nick murmured, feeling far too tall and wide to fit in the narrow space. He couldn’t keep his distance, couldn’t hold himself to the side—Lily gave him a few inches to fill, up against her side. “Are you okay?” she asked quietly, her concern huge and visible in her expression. “I made a stupid mistake. Several actually.” Nick sighed as he curled onto his side, looking up at her. She nodded, encouraging. “Not disagreeing but I only know the ones I think are wrong in relation to me and Riley. Your friend…?” “Someone…someone from the club. A good guy, a nice guy. He got targeted by this…douchebag who won’t take no for an answer.” Nick pushed his forehead against her hip, seeking comfort. “He got beat up.” “Oh my God, Nick!” Lily looked horrified and Nick’s stomach clenched. Did Jason have someone at home to be upset by this? Did he have friends who knew his lifestyle and would come over to check on him? He resolved to call again in the morning. “I can’t file a report. He hasn’t done anything to me to warrant it. He’s just— hanging around the fringes of my life because he knows he can.” Nick raised his head to look at her dead in the eye. “You need to be careful, okay? I don’t want you guys over at the brownstone at all. And stay away from my office.” He didn’t mention that Steven knew what Riley looked like, guilt flinching inside his chest. “Okay.” Lily paused and breathed deeply. “Will that help, you think?” “Yeah. He’ll get bored soon enough.” He tried to sound convinced but there was a feeling of helpless frustration flooding his body. He didn’t know how to make this go away. “He better or else I’m going to kick his ass.” Riley was back in the room and Nick had no idea how much he had heard. “Easy, Rambo. He’s…” “He’s what? Bigger than me?” Riley’s stare narrowed as he stood over them. “So’s most of the adult population.” “Let me handle this,” Nick tried to sound soothing. It just made Riley frown. “No.” “No?” Nick bristled. “No. Because you’re not the only person this affects. Remember that.” He snapped back the covers and slid into the bed. A kiss to Lily’s sad mouth, then Riley thumped his pillow and lay down, his back to Nick.

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Chapter Thirty-One Lily stood at the entrance of the precinct building, flipping through the messages on her smartphone. Her car had a flat tire this morning and with no time to change it, she’d taken a cab. Now she found herself waiting for Riley to finish up and give her a ride home. A faint drizzle and lusty wind tugged at her umbrella; she glanced back at the entrance in a vain attempt to will her husband out the door. She’d love to go inside but Nick had been insistent and consistently paranoid about her showing up in the office. He didn’t want this Steven person identifying her as someone Nick had a personal connection to. It pissed her off. Things between the three of them were tense, worse than it had been when they were all dancing around this thing between them. “Excuse me, miss? Do you have the time?” A deep baritone caught her attention and she tilted the umbrella slightly to see who was addressing her. He was very attractive, kitted out in a snazzy designer raincoat and black umbrella. “Um…almost six,” she said politely, double-checking the display on her phone. “Thank you.” He didn’t move away and Lily almost rolled her eyes. “No problem. I’m waiting for my husband,” she said sweetly. “He should be down any second.” The man smirked and ducked his head, as if embarrassed at being caught at his lame pick-up opener. “Is he a policeman?” She was tempted to say yes but she shook her head. “No, he just works with them. Closely.” The polite threat was unmistakable. “Ahhh. Well, we might be interconnected through that then. My boyfriend is a cop.” Lily’s brows knitted together. “Oh really?” She didn’t know any out gay cops at this precinct but then, she didn’t know everyone. “Yes. He’s in homicide.” The man seemed proud but not in any way that Lily found charming. He was bragging. “Huh. Is he…well, how can I say this? Is he out? I know pretty much that whole squad.” And didn’t know anyone was out, was the unspoken finish to that statement. “No, he’s not.” Something about his hard gaze made her uncomfortable again. She got the distinct feeling he was lying. Lily made a note to talk to Nick about this.

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“Lily? Hey, sorry,” Riley called to her and she stepped away from the stranger to meet her husband halfway down the sidewalk. “You should have gone inside, you’re soaked!” Lily shook her head. “You know what Nick said,” she murmured, kissing his cheek. “Hey, guy standing in front of the building, behind me. Do you know who he is?” Riley leaned around and shook his head. “Who? There’s no one there.” When Lily turned back around, the man was indeed gone.

***** Later, in the car, Lily relayed the entire conversation to Riley who frowned his way through the entire thing. “That’s all he said?” “Yeah. I don’t know. Maybe Nick’s got me overly paranoid or something but it was just a weird conversation, you know?” Lily pulled her coat closer, holding her hands to the warm blow of air from the heater. “Call Nick, right now. Tell him what the guy looked like.” Nick and Lily’s conversation, though he could only hear one side, left Riley’s blood pressure so high he could actually feel the blood pounding through his veins at a thunderous pace. Lily described the guy and Nick confirmed it was Steven Douglass. Who clearly knew who Lily was. Who was telling people he was Nick’s boyfriend. Then Lily cut the call abruptly, a frown marring her features. “What?” “He said he had a visitor and would call me back later.” Riley didn’t like the sound of that. He left Lily at the house, kissing her deeply and telling her to lock the doors. It seemed a stupid thing to say but he had to get back to work and Nick wasn’t going to be there at any point soon. “I love you,” she said, then ran from the door of his rental into the house. He waited until she was inside and the lights were on. He waited until she waved from the picture window and gave him the thumbs-up. Even then, Riley drove away reluctantly. By the time he’d arrived back at the office, Riley’s nerves were in absolute tatters. He parked, grabbed his umbrella and made a run for the front door. His mind whirred and clicked, trying to come up with a solution to this problem with Steven Douglass… …when the elevator doors opened and the fucker was standing right there. It took a second for recognition to dawn. Lily’s description, the man’s smirk as he recognized Riley. Everything fell together and Riley froze in place.

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“Hello, Riley.” The man’s voice dripped sarcasm. “Stay away from my wife,” was the first thing that came to mind. “Stay away from Nick.” “Okay and…no.” Steven laughed, straightening his raincoat and brushing a hand through his damp hair. “Nick’s personal life is none of your concern.” It was said as a challenge, Steven’s eyes twinkling. “He’s my best friend. When he’s being harassed by an asshole who can’t take a hint, then it’s absolutely my business.” Steven regarded him carefully, looking him over from head to toe like he was a slab of meat. “That twink he likes to fuck. I can’t get over how much you two look alike,” he murmured conversationally, as if seeing the resemblance for the first time. “I wonder why that is?” “Is that the guy you beat up?” Riley plowed on, even as his stomach clenched. “You should be in a jail.” Steven waved his hand dismissively. “Not enough evidence. Plus, he asked for it.” Then he winked and Riley had to fight the urge to kill him. “Get out of here.” “Public space.” Steven shrugged. “I came to see where our Nick works. He’s quite the high-profile player, isn’t he?” Riley’s heart stuttered. “I’m going to get security.” “And tell them what? I came to see my boyfriend…” “He’s not your boyfriend!” “And was then accosted by some pencil-pushing bulldog.” Steven’s disdain was palpable. “I would be more concerned about the damage done to yours and Nick’s reputations if you sic some rent-a-cops on me.” The whole thing was spiraling out of control. Riley bit his lip to keep from baiting the other man another second more and walked around him, toward the elevator. “Good night, Mr. Landon. My regards to your lovely wife.” Riley heard the door open and close as he pushed the elevator button repeatedly. The office was a madhouse and Riley didn’t have a second to call Nick or Lily from the time he walked in until he could leave again—almost three hours later. He looked over his shoulder repeatedly, swearing that Steven was going to pop out at any moment to torment him some more. He dialed the house as he walked to the parking lot. “Riley?” “Yeah, put Nick on.” He didn’t mean to sound short but fucking hell. They needed to deal with this now. “Hello?” 161

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“He was in the fucking lobby when I got back and he knows who I am,” Riley spit out. Nick made a strangled sound on the other end of the line. “Fuck.” “Yeah. He also…” Riley replayed the line about the guy he beat up looking like him. “He made insinuations, Nick. Like…like he knew.” “Riley…” “Does he know?” Nick sighed. “He suspects. He’s been watching me apparently.” “Fuck! You have to file a report!” “He hasn’t done anything illegal! And I can’t risk explaining what this is all about or let him loose in the police station to shoot his mouth off!” Nick raged. “Don’t you get it?” “What I get is you brought this asshole into our lives and he’s fucking blackmailing you! He’s a stalker and he’s crazy and he knows Lily on sight. That scares the living shit out of me.” “He wouldn’t…” “Wouldn’t what? He beat up your friend. He’s following you. What the fuck are you waiting for? For someone to get really hurt?” Nick didn’t say anything for a long time. By this time, Riley was sitting in his car, keys still in his hand. “Let me handle this,” Nick started and Riley swore violently. “No, fuck you. You’re doing a shit job.” He pulled the phone away from his ear and disconnected the call, throwing the phone on the seat. Riley drove with complete disregard of the speed limit, the rain spattering down on his windshield and visibility that was down to fuzzy headlights of oncoming traffic. His fury rattled from behind the bottle cap of control he’d slammed down over it. He knew himself well enough to know he was going to explode pretty damn soon. His phone sat on the passenger seat, vibrating every five minutes with a frantic regularity. He knew from the ringtones when it was Lily and when it was Nick, and he knew they were going to kick his ass when he finally came to his senses and went home. And he would go home. Face the music of his outburst and apologize and lay himself metaphorically—or not—at their feet to get forgiveness. But not yet. Steven’s smug face had embedded itself inside Riley’s brain. Beyond the red haze of anger was that face and his hateful superior expression. He thought he had Nick. He thought he—no. Just no fucking way. The car fishtailed as it raced through a puddle and Riley’s heart rate tripled as his grip tightened on the steering wheel.

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Lily and Nick were going to kill him if he got into a wreck. At the next exit, Riley yanked the wheel to the right and took the ramp. He was dimly aware where he was, and figured another twenty before he got home. The rage still strummed through his blood but he couldn’t pretend to be going to do something anymore. Going to some asshole’s place of business and punching him in the face was juvenile and ridiculous; he was thirty-four years old and worked for the fucking city. All the favors in the world weren’t going to get him off an assault charge. So he wound back onto the expressway, headed back to the house. He would think of some other way to make Steven Douglass’ life a living hell.

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Chapter Thirty-Two The phone stopped ringing about halfway there and Riley frowned. He hadn’t expected that; at first he imagined they were too pissed to keep it up but that didn’t seem very Lily or Nick. Even if voicemail was full, they would keep calling and texting. When he got to the driveway, he saw Nick’s truck and Lily’s Prius and a third car he didn’t immediately recognize. Something inside him tightened and twisted as he turned off the car and then stepped into the pouring rain. Three steps into the sopping wet lawn and Riley’s brain took a leap to whose car that might be. Steven’s. He ran the rest of the way, barreling up the stairs and through the front door in a straight shot. The shouts and curses registered a few seconds later, the pounding of Riley’s blood pressure blocking it out. The tableau drew him up short. Nick and Steven were nose to nose, shouting furiously while Lily hovered behind Nick, clearly itching to step in but nervous. Her frightened eyes met Riley and he couldn’t have held himself in check another second more if he tried. “Get the fuck out of my house,” he boomed and the argument stopped with a sudden intake of breath on both men’s parts. They turned in near unison to Riley; Nick took a step back, the relief plain on his face, and Steven—well, Steven clearly decided today was his lucky day. “Fuck you, Landon.” The smile on his face showed how little he thought of Riley and how small a threat he labeled him. “I’m here to talk some sense into Nick.” Riley’s heart squeezed. “I said, get out of my house.” His voice was low, a growl of menace. Steven laughed. Laughed. Riley was across the room in a burst of movement and speed entirely at the mercy of his lizard brain. He had his hands on the lapels of Steven’s jacket, jerking him down so they were almost the same height. Steven seemed at first surprised and then—then his face twisted into something nasty. “Go ahead, you little prick. Hit me. I’ll have your job with one fucking phone call. And then, while I’m at it I’ll spill a few of Nick’s dirty little secrets while I’m down at the station pressing charges.”

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“Shut up,” Riley spit out. The cap on his temper trembled under the sheer force of his fury. “Enough,” Nick said, somewhere in the distance. He could feel Steven’s body being pulled out of his hands and fought it; he wanted this piece of shit out of his house and out of their lives. “Yeah, that’s enough. Listen to your boyfriend,” Steven sneered. He was wrenched entirely from Riley’s grasp, falling back into Nick’s arms. “Or do you like master? Sir? It’s all so complicated, the vagaries of this sort of thing.” It started to make him dizzy, how much he wanted to hurt this man. He hated his threats and God, he hated the expression on Nick’s face right now—so tight and guilty. He looked at Nick, his heart breaking, and shook his head. “Just throw him out. Fuck what he does next. We’ll move somewhere else, we’ll…do something else. Just let it go,” he said, quiet and earnest. Lily had moved at some point; she was next to him, touching his arm. He took it as support. Shaking his head, Nick started manhandling Steven to the door. He didn’t say anything but clearly Riley could see he was planning to leave with Steven. And do what he needed to keep the blackmailer quiet. “No.” Riley moved again; he touched Nick’s arm, slowing him down enough, distracting him enough for Steven to get loose. Riley didn’t have enough time to react, so focused on Nick and stopping him from leaving. He caught the first punch to the stomach, reeling back as the fist pushed the air out of his lungs. It was the last thing, the moment that tore the lid off his anger and rage. He didn’t give Steven a second to bask in the glow or to even move; head down, Riley threw himself into a crouching run and took Steven out through the front door with a splintering of wood and plastic. They hit the porch with a heavy thud, rain pouring down on them as they grappled for the top position. Riley couldn’t see anything, couldn’t hear the shouts of concern he knew would be coming. He let the rage take him, getting off as many shots as he could before Steven used his greater height and weight to roll them over again. His head slammed back against the wooden deck and literal stars danced behind his eyes. He reached up to deflect the blows to the face, kneeing up in a frantic attempt to free himself from the windmilling hits Steven was getting in. The metallic smell of blood hit him first, the pain radiating from his torso as each blow fell but nothing slowed him down. He threw his own punches, up to Steven’s face and against his shoulders to get the upper hand again. Somewhere muffled in the distance he heard shouts. He felt Steven list to one side after a particularly hard blow and then suddenly he was aiming at an empty space. He looked up through the haze of rain and blood and saw Steven struggling in Nick’s arms.

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Lily dropped down next to him, her body shielding him briefly from the downpour. Her pale face hovered over his, fading in and out until he wondered if she was an apparition. “Don’t move,” she whispered, touching his face. “You’re hurt, don’t move.” “Call 9-1-1,” Nick shouted behind them; faintly Riley could hear Steven’s shouts and curses and Nick telling him to shut the fuck up. Lily moved out of Riley’s vision and he closed his eyes.

***** Nick threw Steven down the steps onto the lawn, following him down with a tackle until he was prone on the ground. His gun and his handcuffs were in the truck but he didn’t want to let go of Steven long enough to get them. Because the gun was a little too tempting right at this moment. Steven struggled under Nick’s weight, shouting and thrashing still, crying about police brutality and a million other threats and Nick just had enough. “I don’t give a fuck what you say,” he muttered viciously in Steven’s ear. “I don’t care who you out me to, you miserable piece of shit.” The shock of seeing Steven take a swing at Riley was nothing compared to the two bodies flying through the front door. He moved through the wreckage and pulled Steven off as quickly as he could, but it was clear Riley was hurt. It took all his focus to stay with his knee in the small of Steven’s back and not run to where Riley was lying on the deck. He took a chance to turn around and saw Lily kneeling over Riley, laying a rain jacket over his chest. She lifted her head and yelled, “I called, they’re coming,” to him before returning her attention to Riley in her arms. Nick breathed deeply in and out, keeping himself in check. He jabbed his knee deeper, his weight shifting until Steven cried out in pain.

***** Lily used Nick’s name with the 9-1-1 operator and when the squad car and ambulance arrived, a sedan arrived a second later. It was Smalls and Michell, bringing up the rear with serious expressions and a convincing air of authority, throwing their weight around from the second they stepped out of the car. “Homicide, but we know the victims,” Smalls said loudly as he flashed his badge, as if someone was going to shoo him away. The uniforms exchanged glances but no one told Smalls to go anywhere. She’d never been so glad to see strangers swarming over her yard.

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Gentle hands pulled her away from Riley as the EMTs leaned over him. She found herself being led inside and suddenly there was Nick, dripping wet with faint stains of blood on his shirt. Lily burst into tears. “It’s okay, it’s okay,” Nick repeated over and over, completely unconvincing in tone and the way he rubbed her arms. A blanket was draped over her shoulders and words bounced across the room—the cops to Nick, the EMTs, Nick responding. “They’re taking Riley to the hospital, we’re going to give a statement then follow,” he murmured into her hair. “Just tell the truth, okay?” She didn’t want to tell them anything—she wanted to go with Riley but the strong circle of Nick’s arms convinced her she couldn’t run this time. She nodded, pulling herself together as best she could. They asked her only a few questions and she told as much of the truth as she could. Steven arrived after Nick. There was a fight. Riley came home and tried to get Steven to leave. Steven hit Riley. They fought. The young patrolman nodded as he took notes; Nick and Smalls and Michell stood in the kitchen, speaking in hushed tones. The wail of the ambulance broke the quiet and Lily gulped a sob. Riley.

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Chapter Thirty-Three Smalls and Michell made sure they were only fifteen minutes behind the ambulance, escorting Nick and Lily in the truck, full sirens blaring. “You need anything, just call,” Smalls said gravely before heading back to the station. Nick and Lily sat in hard plastic chairs with cafeteria coffee pressed into their hands. Jackets over wet clothes—Nick felt the chill down to the bone. Beside him Lily shivered and shook under his arm. “I’m sorry,” he said finally as he watched the nurses and aides swarming around just behind the doors that separated them from Riley. Lily shook her head. “I let him in…” “He forced his way in, Nick. What were you going to do—shoot him?” It didn’t seem such a bad idea right now. “I don’t just mean tonight,” he admitted, scrubbing a hand over his eyes. Lily nodded. “You did. You kept…you went back to him, Nick, and not because he was blackmailing you, not at first,” she murmured, her head dropped down to her chest. He didn’t really have a response for that so he nodded. “If you want to go…then fine, okay? Just—fine. But pick someone better. Someone like that doesn’t deserve you.” Lily’s voice was faint, almost only loud enough for his ears. He felt his chest tighten with emotion; God, he loved her so much and leaving was clearly the stupidest thing he’d ever done. “He’s a fucking creep and I’ll press charges if they let me,” he said finally, his eyes still on the door barricading them from Riley. Lily sighed, curling a bit tighter in on herself. “When he gets to the station, he’s going to start talking.” “So what.” The words fell out of his mouth and he almost laughed. All that time of fearing it and right now nothing mattered except finding out Riley was all right. “Our jobs,” she said simply. Tired. “I have some money. We can sell the house and the brownstone.” He shrugged, turned his body in the narrow chair until he could wrap his arms around her, his mouth against her ear. She smelled like the rain and the violence of the night. It made him sick to know he’d brought that piece of shit into their home. 168

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Lily trembled in his arms. “I’m scared,” she said, admitting her fear and then nothing more.

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Chapter Thirty-Four The doctor who came out awhile later was worn but friendly; he shook their hands and led them through the swinging doors into the hustle and bustle of the emergency room. The third curtained cubicle contained Riley, stripped down to his underwear, a thin blanket tucked to his shoulders. He was asleep, hooked up to an IV and bandaged. Lily’s fingers hovered over the one on his forehead, the one around his bicep. The E.R. doctor spoke about nothing being broken, a mild concussion, bruised ribs, heavy bruising to the kidneys. Nothing that painkillers and rest wouldn’t cure. Lily was the wife; she knew he was expecting a response but she couldn’t pull her eyes away from Riley’s unconscious face, the marbled bruises still blooming under this delicate skin. Her heart rabbited in her chest, fierce with anger and fear. “So when can he go home?” Nick said. “Let’s keep him here for twenty-four hours, just to keep an eye on things. Make sure he actually gets some rest.” “Thank you.” Lily pulled herself away from staring at Riley to smile at the doctor. “Yes, thank you.” “The orderly will be in shortly to take him to a room.” Nick took care of the rest of the niceties and Lily let her fingers finally reach out to brush against Riley’s damp hair. It was flattened against his head, knots hampering her fingers as she tried to straighten it out. “They’re going to make us leave at some point,” she whispered, half to Riley and half to Nick. She swallowed the tears clogging her throat. “We’ll worry about that when it happens.” Nick had moved to directly behind her, his strong hands resting against her shoulders. “For now we’ll just…” His voice faltered and Lily turned around to face him. He was ghost white, his features slack with emotion as if it just hit him that Steven Douglass had beaten the shit out of Riley. “Oh honey, I know,” she said, broken-hearted as he was. She wrapped her arms around her and tightened until she felt the choking sound of Nick giving in to the fear he was feeling. “He’ll be okay,” Lily murmured, for the both of them.

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They were allowed to accompany the orderly who wheeled Riley upstairs. Nick hung back, hands jammed in his pockets lest he accidentally touch his lover inappropriately with the young hospital worker in the room. Lily fussed, smoothing Riley’s blankets and kissing his cheek as they got him settled. A nurse came in and Nick pretended to be examining the view. Another nurse followed the first and Nick wanted to scream. “Five minutes and then I really have to ask you to leave,” the second nurse said, kind but firm. “You can come back in the morning.” Nick waited until the door snicked close and then took three long steps to Riley’s bedside. He didn’t have much time so he leaned down, rubbing his mouth against Riley’s temple, just resting there for a moment so he could be reassured that he was alive and resting comfortably. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered. He felt Lily’s hand touch his as they clasped tightly.

***** They couldn’t go back to the house tonight. Or was it morning. Lily dozed lightly as Nick drove them to the brownstone, their hands entwined over the gearshift. Leaving Riley in that hospital alone was the hardest thing imaginable at the moment and Lily just wanted it to be morning so they could go back. “Come on, Lily.” Nick was standing at her side, the truck stopped, the door open. She blinked at the sudden change, taking his outstretched hand as she slid out of the seat. They were silent all the way to the front door and into the house. Nick’s hand stayed on her, guiding her straight through and up and into the bedroom. He stripped them both down, murmuring little comfort words when she started to shake. “I love you,” he said in the dark and she exhaled, shaky and weak, into his chest. “Prove it. Don’t leave.” There was silence, heavy as it pressed down until Lily thought she’d gone deaf. “I can’t,” Nick said finally. “I won’t.”

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Chapter Thirty-Five Lily carried the bag from the pharmacy, each shake and rattle of the pills inside making her chest jump a tiny bit. As soon as Riley was a hundred percent, she was going to kick his ass. She approached the truck, parked at the curb across the street in a stripe of bright sunshine. Nick in the driver’s seat, Riley somewhere in the backseat—sprawled, she assumed, where she’d left him twenty minutes before. “I have painkillers, condoms and jelly beans,” she said, leaning against the driver’s side door. Nick grinned at her, a quick skim of his hand against her cheek. “Sounds like a party.” Nick turned and looked into the backseat. “You up to some mischief there, Raging Cajun?” “’m gonna kill you later,” Riley muttered weakly. Nick returned his gaze to Lily. The earlier worry slid a little further way, until she could almost forget how much the past few days had worn on her. Steven was in the hospital overnight for observation—due to his lawyer’s whining and not for any actual medical concern; his injuries weren’t nearly as bad as Riley’s. Now he was headed to court to be arraigned. Assaulting a member of the esteemed Victim’s Services office didn’t do you many favors with judges or improve your treatment in the county jail. Of course Steven followed through on his threats and told everyone within earshot about the unnatural relationship between Nick, Lily and Riley. He kept talking until he was hoarse and furious that no one seemed to believe him. Or cared for that matter. Nick went to see the D.A. and gave a story about an obsessive ex. It was a terrifying few hours as Lily waited at Riley’s bedside, watching the door for Nick’s return. Their careers were riding on this; everything could be ruined if Steven was believed. When Nick came back to the hospital, pale-faced but smiling, Lily cried with relief. The D.A. wasn’t particularly interested in the rantings of a jealous ex-boyfriend, especially when nothing he was saying was illegal. There was also a small matter of Steven’s criminal record back in Phoenix, complete with stalking charges and a domestic battery. Nick said, “I’m gay,” and the D.A. shrugged. Nick had demurred then, apologizing for the fuss and then it was over. Rumors might swirl but ultimately that was the end of it. It was in her nature to believe in fairness for all but Lily couldn’t remember anything from that night but her all-encompassing terror that something was going to

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happen to Riley or Nick. And the subsequent feeling that Steven Douglass better stay the fuck out of her way forever. Riley spent twenty-four hours in the hospital—high as a kite, lucky for him—but Lily couldn’t find the strength to exhale, even with Nick’s arms around her. “Come on,” Nick said, his warm hand wrapping around her wrist. “Let’s get our boy home before his drool warps my leather interior.” Lily smiled, because Nick was smiling and because he called Riley “our” boy.

***** Nick drove up on the wrecked lawn to get as close as he could to the stairs. Much as they were now teasing Riley, the shock and fear of the past few days hadn’t entirely abated. He left the bags and belongings and unlocking of the door to let Lily out; with gentle hands he got Riley out of the truck and mostly standing up, shuffling his sneakers through the grass and up the stairs, his weight heavy on Nick’s shoulder. “Come on, baby, almost there,” Nick murmured. The last few steps seem to sap all of Riley’s energy. They settled for leaving him lying on the sofa, stripped down to his boxers and the bandages and bruises that covered his body. Nick undressed him while Lily took an inordinate amount of time getting a glass of water in the kitchen. He knew he was protecting her from the evidence of the fight but it was his burden to carry. Lily walked back in, a handful of pills and a glass of water tight in her grip. “I’m making soup,” she said, her eyes riveted on Riley’s sleeping form. “Perfect.” Nick kept up the smile, the artificial cheer. He took the pain medication and put it on the side table for when Riley wasn’t able to sleep on his own. “Why don’t you take a shower—I’ll keep an eye on him.” Her gaze moved to him as she seemed to register his perky façade for the first time. “We could just reverse that as well.” “I’m fine.” “You feel as guilty as I do. You’re pissed as I am. You’re worried down to your gut and you haven’t slept for real in forty-eight hours. Why do I get to take a shower first?” “Really? This is going to be a fight?” Nick frowned, crossing his arms as he studied her determined face. “I thought I was being a gentleman.” “Why don’t you take a shower together and shut up so I can sleep?” Riley’s muffled voice reached them and they turned to face him like it was rehearsed. Something about the moment made Nick’s knees weak. He laughed. Loudly and heartfelt. “Sorry, baby.” Lily’s smile felt genuine too. She sat down on the sliver of the couch not occupied by Riley, stroking his messy hair.

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“Take a shower for me. Get a little sex in while you’re at it.” He moved his head to look at Nick. “You’ll both be thinking of me the whole time anyway.” “The ego on you.” Nick whistled. He felt pulled to the tableau Riley and Lily were creating. Not an intruder, not a third wheel. The last part. He sat on the recliner closest to Riley’s head, a hand casually reached out to stroke his temple. “You guys need a dog,” Riley grumbled, not making any move to stop their stroking. “Why? We have you. You don’t shed and you’ve proven yourself an excellent defender.” “No leashes,” came the sleepy response and Lily pulled the covers up tight around Riley, touching him until he fell back to sleep. “How firm do you think he is on the leash thing?” Nick whispered, to make Lily smile again. She caught him with a mischievous grin, reaching out to take his hand as she stood up. “Perv.”

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Chapter Thirty-Six Riley woke up alone, twisted in the blankets and pressed face first against the back of the faux leather sofa. Everything in his body throbbed and panged; his hair hurt for God’s sake. Slowly he rolled onto his back, a split second of panic that his muscles weren’t working well enough to stop him at the edge. But he stopped, waited. Breathed. He considered calling out but a stubborn will isn’t easily changed and he spent a stupid amount of time twisting his body until he could sit up. There was a string of curse words under his breath as well. It took another minute, but he got up through the careful application of gravity and the corner of the recliner. Still no sound from the rest of the house save the usual creaks and settling. Maybe Lily and Nick had taken his advice on that shower and sex combo. Naps? He didn’t imagine either of them had slept since he kicked Steven Douglass’ stalker prick ass two days ago. Everything hurt like a mother but he was still proud. Shuffle, shuffle, wall support. He made it down the hallway to the bathroom, never so grateful that this piece-of-shit house was so small. Blood in urine was never a calming experience so Riley stared at the medicine cabinet while relieving himself. He noticed Nick’s deodorant and Lily’s hair gel and his own versions of both. Everything crowded together in a communal crush, like it made perfect sense. Which reminded him—they really needed a bigger bed. He washed his hands and brushed his teeth for a good hour, pleased to have the taste of death out of his mouth and equally happy that his legs were supporting him this long. Not that he was running any races or, say, tying his own shoes any time soon. Next stop—bed, which was hopefully where his wife or his…Nick…were and more blessed sleep because this ten-foot trip had blown his nap to hell. In the bedroom the lights were out but the curtains were open, giving the place a hazy sheen. Nick and Lily were sprawled over the top of the covers, half-dressed in underwear and T-shirts, still faintly damp, like they’d come in after their showers, started to get dressed and fallen down like a couple of Sleeping Beauties. Riley smiled, worked his way over to the bed with a feeling of affection only slightly marred by him wondering where he fit into the human puzzle, because damn, there was no way he was making it back out to the couch. He picked Lily to move, because she was smaller and less grouchy upon waking. “Hey? Lily? Come on, just a little space,” he whispered, rubbing her shoulder. It only took a second before her eyes fluttered open. 175

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Nick rolled over a second later. “Why the hell are you standing up?” Nick yelled, moving swift and ninja-like off the bed and around to Riley’s side so quickly there was actually a sonic boom. “Because you guys are hogging up the whole goddamned space—we need a bigger bed.” Riley let Nick manhandle him into the bed as Lily scooted over to make room. Riley loved her smile almost as much as Nick’s hands. Nick fussed over him—Riley let him. He also let Lily pull him close until they’re knitted together under the covers. Nick slid behind him, his big body filling up the last few inches of space like he was made of water. “This is ridiculous,” Riley said, though the happiness in his voice was utterly plain. “This is perfect.” Lily’s mouth was on his neck. Nick’s hands were on his hip. “We’re moving into the brownstone. We can put a California king in the main bedroom…” “No room for dressers,” Lily said. “Okay—so we use Riley’s old room for a dressing room and we put the desk in the spare room on the third floor…” “I hate the color of your walls.” “We’ll paint.” “Eco-friendly paint.” Nick and Lily chatted on. They were still redecorating when Riley fell asleep in their arms.

***** After Christmas they managed to sell the house for exactly the amount they bought it for. After much argument—three-way arguments not nearly as fun as three-way sex, Lily noted—they agreed that the household expenses would be split three ways, since Nick’s house was already paid for. Nick hated the cold division of that plan, but Riley was adamant and Lily flipped a coin to see which one of them won. It was just easier that way. She supervised the buying of eco-friendly paint and a California King bed that took up the entirety of Nick’s bedroom. The organic Egyptian cotton sheets were an expensive indulgence, which Riley fingered gently then said, “At least if someone slides off they won’t actually go anywhere.” “Just a wall,” Nick said dryly. “We could pad the walls.” “Seriously, that would be fitting.” Lily threw a pillow at Riley’s head. They didn’t tell anyone because—there wasn’t actually anyone to tell. They had friends but those friends didn’t need to know anything but “it’s cheaper to live with

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Nick and the neighborhood was worse than we thought”. All was accepted, nothing suspected, though Nick told Lily privately he didn’t buy it. After Steven’s tirades…someone had to have thought something. Smalls took it upon himself to loudly proclaim Steven Douglass was a psycho and pathological liar to anyone who brought up the gossip in the office. Even Michell did a straight-faced recitation of the crazy stuff the guy had been spouting that night— clearly, nothing he said could be trusted. If someone suspected anything, they hadn’t spoken up. Nick didn’t ask and they didn’t volunteer but he was utterly grateful for their support. Still, it worried him. It worried Lily but she went to work every day with a smile on her face and did everything in her power to get it right. A month passed. No one was summoned into an official office. No one got a pink slip. Nick put the worry on fifty-percent power. Lily slept a little better. Riley said nothing but then—he never would.

***** Then Nick came home one night in a flush of panic and Lily dropped a plate when she saw his face. “What?” she said, frozen by her worry and the shards of pottery at her feet. “My brother is coming for a visit,” he said and Lily sagged against the counter. “Seriously? That’s what that face is for? God, I thought you got fired or something.” “You can’t get fired for being a pervert so long as whatever perverted thing you’re doing is legal,” Riley commented. He squeezed past Nick and took the long way to get the broom and pan. “Did you not hear me? My brother is coming for a visit. He’s going to stay here, in the guest room—which is barely that at the moment.” Nick yanked at his tie. “He’s going to know what’s going on.” “So what?” Riley swept the mess away from Lily’s feet, nudging her with the broom to move aside. She couldn’t help the way she looked at him adoringly. “So… Really? You want me to tell him that we’re…we’re…” Nick trailed off. His calm and resolute attitude over their relationship seemed tremulous at the moment and Lily took a deep breath as she approached him. “Tell him we’re together, yeah, why not?” she said softly. “It’s Peter—he’s not going to insist on an emotional scene, right?” A smile quirked against her lips. “Mention it over a beer—he won’t even blink.” Riley dropped the broken plate in the garbage and immediately afterward pulled the bag out of the can; he was so focused on his task to clean up the kitchen Lily didn’t bother to pull him into the circle of Nick’s twitchy worry.

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“I…” Nick exhaled. “Fine. Okay. He’s—he’ll be fine with this.” He frowned at himself, as if conducting an inner debate on how true that was. “Nick, it’ll be okay.” Lily felt a little guilty at being so blasé about this; after all, she and Riley would never have to have this conversation with anyone and they certainly wouldn’t have consequences to deal with. There was no family but each other and Nick. Nick nodded, opening his arms to her in a needy way that sent a tiny thrill through her heart. She pushed her lips to the underside of his jaw, humming reassurance into his skin. “Promise,” she said again, as their arms wound around each other a bit tighter.

***** In the end Peter’s visit was rather anticlimactic. Nick picked him up at the airport and they immediately retreated to a bar nearby—where no one knew Nick—and sat in a corner booth. There was a heap of liquid courage but Nick quietly and sans salacious details laid out the relationship between him, Riley and Lily. A few eyebrow raises and a bit of a shaky hand during the pour of another beer from the pitcher were all the indications from Peter he was clearly going to get. He grunted and nodded and then after a lengthy silence asked, “Should I go to a hotel?” without smarminess or any sign of uncomfortableness. Nick felt something between shocked and sorry—sorry that he thought his brother would be anything else but stoic. “No, no—we have the guest room ready for you. Unless you’d feel more comfortable.” Peter shrugged. “So long as there’s a mattress it doesn’t really matter, does it?” and then that was it.

***** Visiting brothers meant a distinct lack of sex, though Riley was bullish about Nick still sharing their bed during the four days. After work he went to the gym and took Lily out to dinner, leaving the house to the Zarcov men. It was nice to romance his wife in private, nice to reconnect with the original pieces of this…thing…between the three of them. If Lily noticed that there was no sex between them without Nick, then she didn’t mention it and Riley wouldn’t bring it up. At another point in his life he would have been panicking, afraid that this signaled something wrong between him and Lily, or maybe they couldn’t function without Nick, or they were dysfunctional and in bad shape. But for now he took it on faith to mean they’d made the right decision. He held Lily’s hand as they walked back to the brownstone.

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Peter was in the living room when Riley stepped through the door, Lily on his heels. He was shoving his laptop into a heavy leather bag while checking the screen of his smartphone with the other. “Hey,” he called, still not looking up from the screen. “Nick, let’s go! I can get a nine-forty flight if the customs line isn’t long.” Before Riley could ask, Nick came down the hall in jeans and a sweatshirt. He spared them a quick smile. “Business emergency. He’s got to get back for a morning meeting,” Nick said, leaning around Lily to get his keys off the small hall table. “Everything okay?” Lily asked quietly, standing between him and Riley. “Oh fine. He’s even a little sorry he’s leaving,” Nick said wryly. “Come on!” The crowded tableau got a little less breathing room as Peter stepped into the tiny foyer with his laptop bag and rolling suitcase. Nick rolled his eyes. “Riley, good to see you.” Peter stuck out his hand and Riley shook it warmly. “Likewise, Lily.” He gave her a half-smile. “Next time you guys come to see me in Berlin. It’ll be great.” It sort of hung there—Peter inviting them to come visit, with Nick, because he knew and everyone sort of smiled and nodded until Riley pulled himself and Lily away from the door. “Go—the traffic shouldn’t be too bad. Use your police lights.” “No,” Nick gave him a playful shove and gestured his brother out the door. “But I will use my badge to drop him off at the gate.” They were gone in a flurry of goodbyes and Riley laid a kiss on Lily’s mouth as soon as the front door slammed. She leaned against him, languid and warm, nosing against his ear. “Family approval,” she said finally and laughed. Riley shook his head. Work was okay, Nick’s brother was okay. They were all okay. They took a shower together and crawled into bed, sans clothes, to wait for Nick. Riley felt Lily drifting in and out, felt her relaxed breathing against his chest. He still caught himself being shocked—stunned—that this woman was his and Nick was…theirs and it didn’t make any sense for a guy like him to end up with them. It just didn’t. But so long as they wanted him, he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

***** Nick entered a quiet, still house.

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He ditched his keys, his clothes, his brother’s visit in quick fluid motions, arriving in the bedroom to see Riley and Lily curled up toward the wall—leaving his “side” open. His heart did a funny little twist. There were practical matters—a trip to the bathroom, making sure the alarm was set—but Nick quickly found himself sliding under the comforter and into the warm orbit that Riley and Lily were creating. “Mmm, everything okay?” Riley asked in a rumbling drawl, eyes still shut even as he gravitated toward Nick, bringing Lily with him. “He made the flight okay. Said he had a nice time,” Nick whispered, pulling the covers up over Riley’s shoulders, Lily’s back. “He knows.” That was Lily. “And he’s really fine?” “He knows and he’s really fine.” Nick smiled, reaching over to stroke silky blonde strands behind her ear. His forearm brushed against Riley’s furred chest and Nick made a sound under his breath. No one said anything for a long moment and Nick contemplated his lovers, golden and complicated and resting next to him. He let his fingers drift; Lily’s arm draped over Riley’s chest, Riley’s sculpted collarbones. “Been awhile,” Riley muttered, eyes drifting open to meet Nick’s. It was a gut punch of arousal and Nick didn’t hesitate to move, to lay his mouth over Riley’s. Lily’s soft hum of pleasure filled his ears; he felt her hands brushing through his hair. He broke the kiss with Riley and when he raised his head, Lily was there, smiling. They turned in perfect synchronicity to share their own kiss. It went on like this for an unknown amount of time; Lily and Riley and Nick swapping kisses, one after another, hands tangled in each other’s hair. “Rock, paper, scissors for who tops,” Lily said finally and Nick almost choked on Riley’s tongue. “Horrendously unsexy,” Riley muttered as he slid down under the covers, clearly on a mission for Nick’s cock. Lily tackled Nick’s upper half with a rare giggle. Nick wrapped his arms around her, keeping her in place so he could enjoy the rub of her breasts against his chest. He liked the way she was smiling, open and free. “Tongue or fingers?” he teased. “Yes,” she purred, leaning down to kiss him lazily. Nick fell into the kiss, tongues twisting slowly, like they had all the time in the world. Riley, meantime, wasn’t going to be deterred from his mission apparently; Nick felt his lover’s scattered kisses down his stomach and over each thigh. “You’re driving me crazy,” Nick grumbled, pulling away from Lily’s lush mouth.

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“Who?” Lily teased, moving to straddle his chest. “Both of you.” Not that he was complaining. “Poor guy,” she murmured, knee walking until she hovered at his chin, looking at him with a mischievous grin. “Riley!” Nick shifted impatiently and Lily laughed. Riley licked a stripe up the side of Nick’s cock, slowly. Too slowly. Nick resisted the urge to kick him. “You’re at our mercy.” Lily shifted again and Nick reached around to grasp her ass, pulling her against his mouth. “Hmmm, then you’re at mine,” he said, flicking his tongue against her clit. Sexual deprivation for just a few days was just as irritating as months apparently, because Riley’s whole brain was fixated on Nick’s cock, bordering on obsession. His mouth watered as he licked and kissed Nick’s skin, inhaling the masculine scent of his body. From above he heard Lily’s whimpering and figured Nick was taking care of things at that end; he smiled against his lover’s thigh, nosing to the vee of his legs before nudging them apart. He went up on all fours then, framing Nick’s lower body and enjoying the view. Nick, in all his glory; Lily grinding against his mouth. He hummed his pleasure before lowering his head, slipping just the head of Nick’s cock into his mouth. The responding jerk of Nick’s hips—that was amazing. He swallowed down slowly, a slutty descent of his throat muscles relaxing and God, it felt good. The taste, the burn. Riley hummed at the sensation, his throat working until he was flush against Nick’s stomach. He paused to take in the moment, to enjoy the stretch and the tremble of Nick’s body below him. When Nick moved upward—impatient and hungry—Riley pulled up to the tip and then sank back down halfway. He didn’t look up, didn’t take any approval cues but the ones Nick’s body was giving him. The rhythm was hypnotic. Riley’s hard-on brushed against flesh, just enough to tease him—and now he moved faster. Lost himself a little more. Nick’s pleasure, his total focus. Nick making Lily scream—he moaned in the back of his throat. They’d done this in every combination and Nick never tired of the ways he could touch Lily and Riley, or how they pleasured him. Riley’s mouth was absolute perfection. He could barely keep from thrusting up, concentrating that motion instead with his tongue and Lily’s clit. She was trying to smother him, working her hips like his mouth was a sex toy. “Wait, wait,” she whimpered, raising herself off him suddenly.

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“What?” he choked out but she was already moving, turning herself around so she was facing Riley—and his cock—instead. Oh God. “Share,” Lily said and Nick couldn’t help himself—he arched off the bed as Riley pulled up and two sets of lips touched him. Nick yanked Lily back to his mouth, rough in his own frustration. He ran his tongue from clit to ass, cruel in his own tease until he could feel her fighting against him. Riley deep-throated him, Lily’s hands gripped his thighs and everything slowed down to an infinite loop of want. Riley pulled off with a long suck that almost undid Nick entirely—Lily’s sobs were getting less demanding and more out of control; his mouth overflowed with her fragrant wetness. He could taste her building orgasm, anticipate the way her body would stiffen then release against his tongue. The first touch of Riley’s cock against his wiped all that smugness from his mind. The edge was right there, the crest of the wave of the moment when she could fall into the climax Nick was sucking and licking right out of her. The sheer erotic force of her lover’s mouth was equally matched by the sight of Riley going up on his knees and leaning over to kiss her. She mimicked the flick of Nick’s tongue against her clit into Riley’s mouth, her hands going to sink into his hair. She held him there, feeling the vibrations of his need match the ones Nick was radiating into her body. Riley seemed to fumble for a moment when she let him go but recovered quickly— and smartly—to grasp his cock and Nick’s in one hand. Lily moaned. She rubbed harder against Nick’s sweet oral tease—teeth now, because he wanted to throw her into the pleasurable abyss—watching as Riley’s hand smoothed and stroked their cocks together, the dark red heads pulsing wetness with each touch. Riley’s breath hitched as he bent to suck at her breast, sharp bites against her nipples and she was done—utterly done as she stiffened and orgasmed, feeling like she was going to fly apart. But Riley had her, kissing her even as she moaned. She felt him come, the tension against her lips as he spilled and Nick beneath her, rumbling like a beast come to life. Come spattered her stomach and she trembled through another aftershock of her own. She wiggled forward then slid off Nick to lie on the bed, her leg trailing over his chest. It took him a whole five seconds before he reached for her ankle and tickled the bottom of her foot. “Cut that out,” Lily groused, pulling her foot out of his hand. “You’re killing the afterglow.” Riley was sprawled over Nick’s thigh, mouthing his skin lazily. 182

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“I need a shower,” he said. Lily looked at her stomach—and thighs and breasts—and sighed with agreement. “You can scrub my back.” “You can scrub my front,” Riley leered. “That means I can fuck your back?” Nick sat up and ran his hand over the back of Riley’s neck. “Perv.” Riley’s blush made Lily swoon. “I thought we were sleeping.” Nick pulled Lily closer with one hand, butting her up against his side. “Making up for lost time,” he murmured, kissing her jaw. “Who put Viagra in your prune juice?” But despite the bitching Riley sat up and crawled into the space between Lily and Nick. “Have you seen you two? I’m amazed I made it through this visit.” Lily grinned, inhaling the tantalizing scent of their lovemaking, the steamy circle of their embrace. She remembered the night of the wedding, when they were a ghost of what they had now. Making up for lost time indeed. “Love you,” Lily said, no specifics needed. The whole thing was crazy. They were all nuts. It was the best thing ever.

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About the Author Multi-published author Tere Michaels writes deep angst, witty banter and a happily ever after (100% guaranteed). She lives just outside of New York City in a cute suburb with her husband, son, three cats and a multitude of fish (hint: when the pet store says all the fish are male, don’t believe them!). In her spare time, she buys too many books, drinks too much diet soda and volunteers for her son’s Little League team. Life is good.

Tere welcomes comments from readers. You can find her website address on her author bio page at www.ellorascave.com.

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