Julian

JULIAN G.A. HAUSER

JULIAN Copyright © G.A. Hauser, 2010 Cover art by Mark Antonious Richfield Edited by Stacy Rhodes ISBN Trade paperback: 978-1-45157-329-9 The G.A. Hauser Collection Between a Stone and a Hard Place Copyright © Edward Kendrick, 2010

This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or business establishments, events or locales is coincidental. All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WARNING This book contains material that maybe offensive to some: graphic language, homosexual relations, adult situations. Please store your books carefully where they cannot be accessed by underage readers. First G.A. Hauser publication: April 2010

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Chapter One Autumn in Seattle 1987 The drizzle rolled off Bryan Tyler’s costly brown leather jacket and coated into his hair. It took his eyes a moment before they adjusted to the dimness of the dismal interior. It smelled of stale linen and mold like an ancient grandmother’s attic. Glancing around the graying halls, he waited for acknowledgement, wondering if he was in the right place at the right time. Maybe he should explore inside further, get someone to notice he was just standing there idly. He detested anything that wasted his time. This whole experience better not be all for nothing. That picky, lumpish social worker dressed in what resembled a starched nurse’s uniform finally noticed him, her clipboard in her hand, looking efficient. She irritated Bryan on sight with the air of power and control she had over him, as if she were assigned to some World War II army hospital and he was a wounded enemy soldier. This woman had wasted a lot of his time already. She was too nosy, asked too many questions. Social workers, brrr. He couldn’t stand them. “Mr. Tyler. Come this way.” No smile. She never smiled at him. That same stale odor emitted from her clothing. Did this poor kid have anything pleasant to inhale in his life?

Being outside this dim rotting place would be pleasure enough. The halls seemed to grow more dreary and yellow, like the Seattle weather. Or was it just his foul mood? The way his boots echoed on the linoleum tiles made him feel like this was a prison ward. He wondered if indeed the occupants had seen it that way. Lost boys. Unwanted. Hidden from the world. The interviews, references, background checks, the mountain of forms and files he had filled out, was it really coming to this? Had it paid off? And the lying, the frustration. Sarah had done well as the devoted partner. He owed her. Big time. Sarah had sat patiently as she was interviewed, question after question. Was their home fit for a young adult? What type of home life did she and her partner share? It was so good she was a teacher. That would help the poor boy. And there was Sarah, her large, dark eyes wide as if pleading with these social workers, using so much conviction she had them near tears. He could have kissed her at that moment, though the thought of kissing a woman usually repulsed him. In the end, that condominium home on Lakeside Avenue was deemed a respectable environment for a foster child. If you could call nearly sixteen a child. Bryan knew he had no longer been a child by that age. He’d already had dozens of sexual encounters. Sarah had promised Bryan she would be available if he needed her again. She’d better be. “I don’t know why I’m doing this for you,” Sarah said,

crossing her arms over her chest. “I’ll probably go to jail for it. If I didn’t know you so well, Bryan…know how much you want this kid… All right.” She sighed. “Come on, let’s get this over with.” Bryan wondered if this matronly woman thought it was odd that his ‘partner’ wasn’t here with him to pick up ‘the kid’. He had a myriad of excuses right on the tip of his tongue in the event she asked. It was the usual Rolodex of answers; Grandmother died, flu, dentist… That question never materialized. “This way, Mr. Tyler.” Did they hide the boys in the bowels of this place? Was there no daylight allowed? Bryan shivered. There was a chill here and it wasn’t just from coldness. Even overcast sunlight would be better than this. Oh, no, this young man wouldn’t mind coming home with him at all. The kid was being released from jail as far as Bryan was concerned. The woman’s sagging arm flung open another door; triceps like soft pudding rolled, then stilled. The smell grew progressively worse. It took everything Bryan had to not cover his nose. There, seated on a narrow cot with his kit by his side, was a young man he had only met once during this whole complicated process. Julian O’Connor. Even in this stingy light, Bryan could see how wonderfully fine his features were; his long, dusty blond curls, a hint at how blue his eyes

might have been had there been any sunlight. The social worker gestured to Julian and the boy stood obediently like a mechanical soldier. Bryan could tell he was extremely nervous about this change in his life. He probably never expected to leave the dankness of these halls. Bryan had been told it’d been Julian’s only stable environment for the last fifteen and a half years—except for one bad experience at another foster home, the ward was where Julian had lived most of his life. Julian rubbed his palms on his thread-bare jeans, then reached out to shake Bryan’s hand, most likely as he had been told to do. Bryan’s excitement started to grow. “Julian,” Bryan said, hoping the squeeze of his warm hand on Julian’s clammy palm would comfort him and show him his growing affection. “Time to go. Gather your things, Julian.” The social worker hustled him into action. Bryan figured she was glad she had one less boy to concern herself with. Oooh, a tick box on your statistic list. Bet you never thought you’d get rid of a boy this age. Bryan knew the more the boys turned into men, the harder they were to control. It was obvious she was happy to see this one leave. Julian carried a small bag. Bryn could imagine it contained everything the young man owned. Perhaps a few shirts, a couple pairs of jeans, a few odd socks, underwear, his toothbrush and a comb? Poor thing. Bryan stood back as the social worker led the way out of the labyrinth of corridors. Julian walked beside him. Bryan couldn’t resist patting his head, touching that soft blond hair to reassure him.

Julian raised his steel blue eyes to him at the contact. At the suspicious gaze Bryan, smiled sadly. You’ll be okay. I don’t blame you if you don’t trust anyone. Most likely you’ve never trusted anyone in your life. Trust me, baby. I’ll take good care of you. In return Bryan gave Julian a loving smile. He knew in time, he would gain his respect. He had to. The outside cloudy light caused pain to Julian’s dilated eyes. He squinted into it like a vampire hiding behind a cape. Turning his face away from the wet, fall wind, he followed Bryan to the parking lot. Julian attempted to wave at the social worker who took no time at all getting back to her work. She barely gave him a nod. Bryan removed the small kit from Julian’s hand and strapped it to the back of a motorcycle. When Julian realized that was their mode of transport, his eyes widened in fear. Bryan finished what he was doing, then gave his full attention to Julian. “Are you ready for a ride?” He handed one of the helmets to Julian. “Are you kidding me?” Julian was petrified. He had imagined a warm automobile. With his mouth hanging open, he gazed at this twowheeled machine with growing apprehension. Using one finger, Bryan touched Julian’s chin so he could see into his eyes. “Believe me. You’ll love it.” Bryan fit the helmet on

Julian’s head and snapped the strap for him. Julian touched its slick, domed surface and tilted his head from the weight. It felt strange to him and the outside noise was muffled. Bryan flipped the visor down for him, then placed his own helmet on his head. He gestured for Julian to get on the big, black BMW roadster. With extreme awkwardness, Julian managed to straddle it, his toes touching the cement. Bryan climbed on in front of him and set the motorcycle upright. “Hold on,” Bryan said. He then reached behind him for Julian’s hands, wrapping Julian’s arms around his leather jacketed torso. Before he moved, Bryan pointed out the foot pegs. Julian immediately found them with his worn tennis shoes. “You ready?” Julian nodded, hitting Bryan’s back with the top of his helmet. Bryan rocked the bike off the kickstand and started it. Once more he checked to see Julian’s hands were locked around his waist. Julian was holding him in a death-lock. No need to check, Bryan. I’m hanging on for dear life. When the bike started moving Julian turned his head awkwardly to see the building he had spent his life in; three floors, four decades old. Good-bye Everett, Washington, hello, Seattle. Suddenly it felt as if they were flying. Julian squeezed Bryan tightly. This man was now his only security. Once the initial fear of moving on such a vulnerable piece of metal subsided, Julian raised his chin to the view. The outside world. A world only glimpsed on special trips to the

park with the group. Once a month a few workers took a bunch of angry, sarcastic misfits to the local waterfront. Now Julian was free, and he was terrified. How well did they know this man and his partner? A brief interview was all he had with them. He’d hated the woman on sight. She seemed dull, lacking any real warmth or emotion. But this man? Bryan? The handsome stud Julian was squeezing in a death grip at the moment, had a passionate gleam to his eye. This one, his new foster dad, was so hot Julian was shocked Bryan wanted him. When they’d first met eyes, Julian had gotten butterflies in his stomach and a hard-on. It was the way Bryan stared at him. That Hollywood smile. It frightened and thrilled him simultaneously. He wasn’t sure why. And Bryan’s words were so kind, Julian craved him. He clung tightly to Bryan until his arms ached. They were now outside the area he knew, however vaguely, and he was totally lost. Lost with this stranger. A stranger who was so stunningly handsome, Julian would be fantasizing about him while he jerked off. He shivered maybe from the cool air, maybe from his taboo thoughts. He needed to be strong now. Whatever happened, Julian had to be tough. Bryan could not stop grinning. He had done it! He had acquired a foster child. It was fabulous. They were united now. One. All he had to do was keep Julian happy. How hard could that be after the stale prison he had occupied? Just the threat of going back to that hell

should be enough to keep Julian in line. Somehow Bryan wasn’t worried. He’d win Julian’s love. Spending money on the kid would make him happy. He needed a new wardrobe, a Nintendo, a mountain bike, and anything else he desired. What young man wouldn’t be happy? Those arms encircling his waist tightly reminded Bryan of how he felt when they had first met. Julian’s golden hair, blue eyes and calm demeanor won him over instantly. The dreary overcast sky seemed brighter than ever, the leaves appeared even more golden and colorful. The air was fragrant with wood burning stoves. Bryan didn’t feel alone any longer. They were careening down Interstate 5. As the clouds parted, Bryan pointed out Mt. Rainier to Julian. Julian tilted just enough to see it around Bryan’s back. Bryan slowed the bike to exit the highway and enter a garage, the door elevating as they approached it. The condominiums appeared as if they were built on the hillside and looked brand new. Bryan walked the bike in the last few feet and parked it next to a white Corvette Stingray. When he climbed off he held out his hand for Julian. Julian wanted to assert his independence and tried to get off the big bike alone. When he found he couldn’t without losing his balance, he reluctantly took that hand and dismounted. Pulling his helmet off his head, Bryan shook out his hair. “I know you loved it.” He elbowed Julian playfully. Julian managed to get his helmet off and lowered his eyes, smiling

to himself. He did. “Just froze my balls off.” “You can warm your balls inside.” Bryan’s eyes gleamed. “Set that down anywhere.” Bryan nodded to the helmet Julian still held onto tightly. While Julian looked for a spot to put it, Bryan went to work getting his bag untied. “That your car?” Julian nodded to the polished sports car. “Yeah. What do you think?” Julian wondered why a guy this rich was interested in watching over him. He didn’t answer. Bryan gestured to an elevator as he hit the garage door button, closing it automatically. They ascended silently as Julian took in every detail. Bryan allowed him to absorb everything. They obviously had time to talk later. The elevator opened to mauve carpets and ferns in brass bowls. Bryan unlocked his unit door and allowed Julian to pass through first, then watched him closely, as if judging his reaction. Julian walked in timidly, getting his first view of the slick electronics and stereo equipment, the Andy Warhol print of Mick Jagger on the wall, and the clean lines of several desktop computer screens. The door closed behind him, locking Julian in. It was a whole new universe for him. His modern world experience consisted of a century old console television that constantly needed assistance with its vertical hold. That, and an AM/FM radio. Bryan left the room for a moment. When he came back, Julian

was staring out of the window at the expansive view just opening to a break in the clouds. Julian felt Bryan stand behind him. “There’s Mount Rainier again. You can see it from your own room too. Look, and those are the Olympic Mountain range, and that’s Puget Sound.” Bryan pointed out all the landmarks to him, including the Space Needle. Julian nodded almost imperceptibly. It was the most amazing view he’d ever seen. Bryan took off his leather jacket and tossed it on a chair. “You hungry? You want a pizza?” He picked up the phone. When Julian spun to face him, his eyes wide at the prospect of a pizza pie, mistrust soon followed. “Why are you doing this for me? What are you getting out of it? Are they paying you a lot?” Bryan placed the cordless phone back on the counter. He sat on the leather sofa and gestured for Julian to do the same. When Julian had settled down beside him, he gave Bryan his undivided attention. Bryan said, “Look, I’ve always wanted someone to spoil. I thought about adopting an infant, but to tell you the truth, a screaming, crying blob that does nothing but shit into a diaper isn’t the least bit appealing. I wanted someone older. Someone to share the things I love with. I also want to help you. It will be mutually beneficial. It’s just something I’ve always wanted to do.” “Where’s your partner?” Julian looked around the room. He still had not removed his old brown fleece jacket.

Bryan’s smile faded. “Uh, she’s at her mother’s. You see, her mom wasn’t feeling too well and she decided to spend a few days with her to help her out.” Julian nodded dully, losing himself in the room once more. Bryan popped to his feet and grabbed the phone. “What do you like on your pizza?” Julian shrugged, his hands still in his jacket pockets, the one with the broken zipper. As he dialed Bryan stared at him. “Yes, hello…I’d like to order two cheese pizzas to be delivered.” Julian was drawn back to the window. A world was out there. Huge, moving, pulsating and completely out of control. He shivered. How would he find his way? When Bryan set the phone back down, he leaned on the doorway between the kitchen and living room and smiled. Julian tried not to be uncomfortable from Bryan’s stare. It made the hairs rise on the back of his neck. Julian was petrified Bryan would find out his secret. “Go. Go explore your own room.” Julian tilted his head and nodded obediently, walking down the hall. “First left,” Bryan said. Julian stopped short at the instruction. He entered a room with the large bed, a wall of French louvered closets, an antique mahogany dresser, his very own color TV, a cassette player, a desk with a

swivel chair and a computer, and a bookcase lined with encyclopedias and reference books. It overwhelmed him. Was this what every kid in the outside world was entitled to? If he had real parents, would this be how he would live? He never knew his real parents. The rumor was that they were dope addicts or in jail. Some nasty story. He never asked twice. What had he left behind? A cavernous room made of painted brick and mortar, lined with cots, all his clothing was second hand, all his meals tasted the same. That tiny kit bag appeared grossly out of place in the sterility of the room. He tugged it open and stared at the grayness of the contents. Removing a stuffed rabbit he was embarrassed by but couldn’t part with, he shoved it under his pillows quickly, checking over his shoulder to the door to be sure he wasn’t spied. When his cuddly toy was well out of sight, he again approached a window. Mount Rainier was fading into the dusk and clouds. A string of white and red striped head and taillights ran down that busy I-5 corridor. When he leaned on the sill his breath fogged up the glass. He wiped it with his sleeve and realized he still wore his jacket. He took it off and threw it on the bed. He raised his head to see Bryan was standing at the doorway. “Tomorrow we’ll go shopping.” Julian nodded. No trace of a smile yet on his lips. He was sure this was a trick. They would come and take him away from all this. There was no way he deserved a man like Bryan.

“Come on, the pizza should be here soon.” Bryan reached out his hand, beckoning. Julian moved passed him to the living room, feeling Bryan’s stare like a warm caress on his back. After they ate the pizza, Bryan turned on the VHS player and watched the original episode of Star Wars with Julian. He found it inconceivable that Julian had never seen it before. He left Julian with a bowl of fresh popped popcorn and went to the kitchen to get himself a beer. When the phone rang Bryan thought about who it might be. Leaning over the counter to read the display, he recognized the number. He picked it up and said, “Hello, Jonnie.” “You get him?” Bryan peeked around the doorframe to see if Julian was listening, then replied, “I got him.” “You son-of-a-bitch!” Bryan smiled to himself and reached into the freezer for a frosty mug. “You would not believe how beautiful he is.” “You have lost your fucking mind! What are you going to do when this kid gets wise?” Tucking the phone between his ear and shoulder, Bryan poured the beer into the mug and said, “Gets wise? What the hell does that mean?” Bryan was insulted at the comment. “You are sick, Stubbs.” “Come on. I know you.”

“You don’t know shit.” “You wanted a playmate, now you have one.” Bryan did not acquire Julian to be his ‘playmate’. “Fuck you.” “Just wait until he figures out you’re gay. He’ll run away.” “When the time is appropriate I’ll tell him. Hopefully by then he won’t want to leave.” “The county will remove him. You watch.” “Why are you being so nasty? After the first six months they only check once every three months, and Sarah promised me she would be available.” “Only you could pull off something like this. You are positively warped, Bryan.” “I’m not warped.” He placed the empty beer bottle into the recycling bin, sat down at the breakfast nook, and gazed out of the large bay window that surrounded it on one side. “Listen, it’s a civilized answer to an uncivilized problem. I just want a companion. Why is that so hard for you to understand?” “You’re sick…sick, sick…” Jon kept laughing. “I want to see him.” “I’m not sick. You are.” Bryan felt nauseated at what Jon was implying. “And don’t come by yet. Wait until I get him some new clothes. And change your fucking attitude as well. I don’t need this crap.” “I just cannot believe you are going through with this.” “Through with what?” Bryan’s mouth gaped. “I took a lonely kid

off the state’s hands and am giving him some love and a home.” “Sure, Bry.” Bryan was about to reply when he caught sight of Julian at the doorway. He felt his heart jump at the start. “What is it? You need something?” “I was just thirsty.” “There’s juice or pop in the fridge. It’s your home now, Julian. You don’t need to ask. The glasses are up there,” he pointed. “He there?” Jon whispered, like Julian may hear him over the phone line. “Yes,” Bryan replied, pausing to watch as Julian did his best to not drop the glass and pour himself apple juice. “Stop looking at his ass,” Jon said playfully. Bryan sat up straight and realized he was doing exactly that. “Fuck you.” Julian turned around to him. “Did you ask me something?” “No. How’s the movie?” “Really great. I paused it. Is that okay?” Julian raised the glass to his lips, staring at Bryan over it. “Yes. Of course.” They gazed at each other for a moment. Bryan wondered if there was anything else to say. Julian lowered his head and went back to the movie. Bryan let out a breath and sucked down his beer.

“He still there?” Jon kept whispering. “No. So, how’s the restaurant?” “It’s stress on a stick, don’t talk to me about it. I’ll be by Tuesday. Is that all right? Before work. If this kid looks half as good as you’ve been bragging about him, I’ll shit. You got that?” Bryan stood up and went to peer at Julian from the doorway. “Just be normal. Okay? Don’t create a problem when there isn’t one.” “Whatever. See you Tuesday,” Jon said and hung up. Bryan pressed the disconnect button and placed the phone on the counter, staring at the back of Julian’s blond head. He tiptoed into the room trying not to disturb him as Luke Skywalker attempted to destroy the Death Star. Leaning his legs on the back of the couch, Bryan imagined stroking his fingers through Julian’s lovely, soft blond hair. Suddenly Julian felt his presence. He turned to stare up at him. “Hi.” Bryan held back a laugh. “Hi back.” He came around to sit next to him on the couch. Julian continued to be mesmerized by the movie. Though he felt Bryan’s gaze on his profile, he didn’t look at him. It did, however, elevate his pulse rate. There was something unnerving about being stared at that way. It was as if he were being inspected. Well, we’re both new at this. He stares at me, I stare at him.

When the Death Star exploded, Julian grinned in excitement and cheered with Bryan. Bryan gave him a high-five and they laughed together until movie ended and the credits finally flashed over the flickering tube. Bryan turned the light on and stopped the VHS player. Julian stretched his back and said, “That was great.” “There are two more of them now to follow that one.” “No kidding? I mean, I heard about them all, but I never got a chance to see any of them.” It was Julian’s turn to study Bryan. His hair was shoulder length, his jaw, clean-shaven, his eyes were light, but he wasn’t close enough to guess their color. Bryan was very tall and muscular. Julian began to get excited and placed a throw pillow on his lap. “You’ll get caught up, I promise. Are you tired? It’s after ten.” He checked his watch. “A little.” Julian felt embarrassed about the time reference for some reason. I’m a man, not a little boy. Bryan reached out to him. Julian clasped his fingers and was hauled off the couch. With his hand on Julian’s shoulder, Bryan steered him to his room. Bryan kept leading Julian to a door inside his bedroom. It opened to his own private bathroom. Turning on the lights, Bryan pointed to the items at his disposal. “New toothbrush, towels, shampoo. Hopefully I thought of everything. Whatever you don’t have that you need, ask. I’m pretty well equipped. Don’t worry about messing it up. We’ve got a woman who comes in to clean once

a week.” That shocked Julian. With his eyes wide, he gazed at Bryan in awe. Bryan appeared to enjoy his expression immensely. “Okay, I’ll leave you to it. See you in the morning.” Julian nodded his head. “See ya.” Bryan patted Julian’s hair affectionately. Julian watched as he left the room, closing the door behind him. He stared into the mirror and said out loud, “How could I have been this lucky?” He finished washing up and changed into a new pair of flannel pajamas that were left for him on the bed. When he slid into the clean sheets of the enormous mattress he groaned and smiled in pleasure. Reaching under the pillow he drew out his stuffed toy. He sat him on his lap and gave him a very happy grin. “What do you think, Rabbit? I’m so happy, I could burst.” Bryan straightened up the living room, getting the popcorn bowl, beer mug, and glass into the sink. He went around checking things, shutting the lights, locking the door. When he was ready, he headed down the hall to his bedroom. To make sure Julian was okay, Bryan opened his door quietly. Julian was fast asleep, breathing deeply, the rabbit in his arms. Bryan covered his mouth before a sound escaped it and tiptoed down the hall. When he closed himself into his own room he started laughing

softly at that endearing sight, one he felt was totally enchanting.

Chapter Two Bryan gave in to the morning light. Tossing off the covers, he was excited about his first full day with Julian. Energetically he leapt out of the bed and headed to shower and shave. When he was through, he walked briskly down the hall to tap on Julian’s door. Pressing his ear against it, he heard no reply. He pushed it back to see the empty bed. Growing a little worried, he headed to the closed bathroom door, trying to hear through the door. “Julian?” When no answer returned, he pushed it open. Julian was leaning over the tub, naked, just turning on the water in the tub, his hand under the flow, waiting for it to get warm enough to enter the shower. When he heard something behind him, he gasped and grabbed his chest in alarm. “Sorry!” Bryan closed it immediately and then called through the door, “I just wanted to make sure you were all right. I’ll start breakfast.” He listened for a reply and left the room, trying to scold himself for catching that lovely sight. Julian was trying to still his panic. He hadn’t heard a knock over the noise of the water. When he calmed himself down, he stepped into the crashing current. The hot water felt delicious and he knew he could stay in it for as long as he liked. It was his own private bath, after all. Inhaling all the shampoos and soaps like they were samples

of pastries, he lavished in them as he scrubbed his hair and skin clean. It was all a dream to him. He didn’t want it to end. With guilty pleasure, Julian felt his body grow excited at Bryan catching him naked. He imagined what Bryan looked like nude and jerked off. Bryan ran his hands through his still-damp hair. It came nearly to his shoulders in length and he loved it. No longer needing to go to the office, no one minded what he did anymore. The sky-rocketing growth of the computer company he was employed with had made him a very young millionaire. He worked from home, running all the computer programs for his office from the convenience of his living room. He made his own schedule and carried a pager in case something cyber crashed. The money was unbelievable. He could retire. But why? At twenty-four it seemed silly. There was so much more cash to be made and he didn’t mind the work. It was perfect for keeping Julian company, one of the many selling points Bryan drove into the foster care workers. Julian would not be alone to get into mischief. Humming to himself happily, Bryan made a fresh pot of coffee and relived the image of Julian, naked, leaning over the tub. He was beautiful, so incredibly beautiful. He remembered when the thought first occurred to him to foster a young man. It was that piece in the weekend paper, ‘Saturday’s Child.’ After depressing himself with the obituaries, recognizing the names of too many contemporaries, dead in their late twenties or

early thirties from AIDS, he threw the negative section of the paper aside for the leisure activities guide. Bryan had sworn himself to celibacy. For the last eight years he never touched a man the way he wanted to touch one. No exceptions. He’d had some plutonic partners, but never even shared a kiss with them. He was clean, pure, and petrified. He trusted no one and nothing. Even the idea of ‘safe sex’ didn’t appeal. Did he trust the manufacturers? And if he did, what about other contact? Of course he couldn’t have oral sex, but what about kissing? He didn’t know for sure. Yes, there were some studies done that it wasn’t that easy to get HIV. But the list of names on the AIDS quilt was growing, and his friends were becoming names etched on tombstones. The fact that he was what most men considered good looking made his life worse. Bryan constantly said no. It created a vacuum in him and he was miserably alone. Jon tried to date him unsuccessfully a few years ago. The pressure Jon placed on Bryan for it to be physical between them nearly drove Bryan insane. He’d laid out the rules. He didn’t care how many letters Jon showed him about testing negative. The answer was no. He knew Jon. He knew he would sleep with another man the first chance he got. No! No way! At one point Bryan thought seriously about women. That’s when Sarah came into the picture. That presented another problem for him. Not only did he not desire them sexually, but were those women sure their last male partners had never slept with another man? No, again,

no way. Desperation was setting in. Seeing himself completely alone because of his nearly ‘OCD-type’ of unreasonable paranoia and fear petrified him nearly as much as getting HIV. Then this photo caught his eye. ‘Saturday’s Child.’ A black and white photo of the most exquisite young male he had ever seen. Fifteen and lonely. Too old to be desired for adoption, too troubled to appeal to anyone. The answer was staring him in the face. In this horrible world one had to find solutions. He would take this boy— this unloved boy—and end both of their isolated lives. It was perfection. Two lonely souls hanging out and sharing things together and maybe, if they were lucky, they might grow attached to each other. Bryan fought hard for Julian. He wasn’t the only one who had seen the article, but he was the most qualified in many ways. Unlimited income, no children of his own, a clean record, a good ‘pretend’ female, teacher partner. Acting as ruthless as he could within the legal parameters, Bryan fought for Julian. Finally, a sizable donation to the county foster fund tipped the scales. He gained custody of this charming boy that no one had previously wanted. Bryan had every intention of making it mutually beneficial. Without a doubt, he could buy anything Julian needed or desired, house him, feed him, clothe him, educate him—all those things he would do, forever. This had to be it for him. There was no other person out there waiting. Was Jon right? Was he hoping Julian would

fall in love with him? Bryan didn’t want to explore ideas that had unsavory sensations to them. He wasn’t a deviant. The scent of coffee brewing filled his lungs. Inhaling it deeply, Bryan raised his eyes to see that lovely blond male standing at the doorway staring. Julian already looked like a grown man. He was masculine and filling out like an athlete. And at fifteen, Bryan had already had his first sexual encounter with another boy. Lots of encounters with boys. It wasn’t until Bryan was sixteen that he had heard the term ‘AIDS’ and stopped touching people. Giving Julian his most adoring smile, Bryan said, “Have a seat. I’ll make us some pancakes.” Julian nodded, sipping from a glass of orange juice Bryan poured for him. As Bryan went to work on their meal, Julian studied him carefully. It amazed him that Bryan could cook, as well as do so many other things. Julian hoped Bryan would grow attached to him. Staring at Bryan’s body was making Julian so hard he had to turn away. Using the heel of his hand, Julian tried to tame his cock. He didn’t want to screw this up. He had to be perfect. It was Julian’s first time in a shopping mall. Bellevue Square with its labyrinth parking garage and abundance of stores overwhelmed him. First the GAP, then Eddie Bauer, then finally, Wilson’s, for his

first black leather motorcycle jacket. With both their arms overloaded Bryan and Julian dumped everything into the Corvette’s trunk and returned for the fun things, like new cassettes, VHS tapes, video games and anything else Julian admired. At first Julian felt odd, like he was taking advantage. But Bryan was so excited to buy him things, Julian ended up just laughing in delight as everything he pointed to he now owned. With another pile of shopping bags at their feet, Bryan brought Julian to eat lunch in the food court. They had hunted around together for something appetizing and Bryan nudged Julian when they hit the Asian food counter. Julian had never tried anything ethnic. “I’m clueless, Bryan.” “You’ll love it.” Bryan ordered for him and they sat down at a tiny table and stuffed their faces full of noodles and stir-fried vegetables. When Julian moaned, “This is so good,” Bryan lit up with delight. “Great. I’ll take you out to my favorite restaurant tonight. You’ll enjoy it.” Julian lowered his plastic fork. He wanted to thank Bryan. It was there, ready to say. Clearing his throat, he tried to get it out. Why was it so hard? Bryan finished his noodles and used a napkin to wipe his hands and mouth. After sipping down his pop, Bryan leaned on his elbow to

smile at Julian. “You all right?” It woke Julian up from his daydream and he nodded, stuffing the last bite of food into his mouth. When they returned home they sorted through all the packages, hanging up the new clothing, stacking the cassettes neatly, tacking up the poster of rock star Bon Jovi on Julian’s wall. Bryan crushed the empty bags and plastic hangers, straightening up the room. Standing tall with his arm’s full of trash, he said, “Try on something. Go on. I want to see you in one of your new outfits. And that includes the new Calvin Klein briefs.” He laughed, pointing to the dresser where they had stuffed all the new underwear and socks. Julian’s face turned red as if he knew his own garments needed to be thrown away. Shrugging to answer Bryan, he started taking off his clothing. Though he wanted to stand and watch, Bryan forced himself to walk away, dumping the trash under the sink in the kitchen. His impure thoughts distracted him so he walked to the large window to see the usual I-5 traffic. He remembered the restaurant he wanted to take Julian to and checked his watch. With the cordless phone in his hand, he dug for the number in the Yellow Pages. “Yes, I’d like to make a reservation for two at seven. The name is Tyler.” His gaze found Julian at the kitchen doorway. “Yes…thank you… that will be fine.” He hung up the phone and set it down, never taking his eyes off those blue ones.

“They all right?” Julian checked down at himself. The tags were still dangling from his outfit. In his black slacks, a light blue cotton shirt, new leather shoes and belt; Bryan almost fell over from the shock. Julian was a man, not a boy. The wardrobe instantly added a few years to Julian. “For Christ’s sake,” he mumbled to himself. “Do I look like a dork or something?” Julian tilted his head curiously. “I’ve never dressed like this. I usually wear the same thing every day. Why are you looking at me like that?” Bryan didn’t answer. He dug through a drawer and located a pair of scissors, then went to work on clipping the tags. Julian twisted and turned as Bryan hunted for every last one. When he dug under Julian’s hair at the back of his collar, it must have sent a chill over Julian’s skin because he shivered and then giggled. Bryan clipped out the tag efficiently, including getting the little plastic stem, then he folded his collar correctly and fluffed up Julian’s blond hair. While Bryan scooped up the handful of tags, he felt Julian’s gaze on him and wondered if he had done something to tip Julian off. Brushing off his hands, Bryan stood tall and said, “Well, that’ll do fine for the restaurant we’re going to this evening. Now I just have to figure out what to wear.” “I bet you look great in everything.” Bryan froze. Very slowly he turned to see Julian’s expression. Julian laughed nervously. “What?”

“I…I just have a few hours of work I have to do.” Bryan brushed passed him to the living room. “What kind of work do you do?” Julian followed him. “Computers.” Bryan opened his laptop and booted it up, sitting on the couch. “You mind if I watch? I’ll be quiet.” Combing his fingers through his hair anxiously, Bryan shook his head, no, he didn’t mind. Julian’s warmth mixing with his own as they sat very close on the sofa, staring at the laptop, Bryan found it extremely hard to focus. With undisguised fascination, Julian gazed at that blue screen as icons and numbers flashed across it in hieroglyphs he couldn’t imagine interpreting. He was floored that this man could understand what was happening and not only that, he could respond to it with his fingers working madly over the keyboard. Julian had never seen anything like it. When two hours passed and Bryan came up for air, closing down the program, Julian finally opened his mouth. “Wow.” Bryan turned to him on the couch. “Were you bored shitless? I’m sorry.” “How did you do that?” Bryan shrugged. “I just picked it up. It’s not that big a deal.” Julian could not grasp any of it.

“You want to nap before dinner?” “Nap?” Julian wondered if Bryan thought he was a toddler. Bryan stood up and stretched his back muscles. “Yes, dear. I’d enjoy closing my eyes for a half hour.” “Oh, go on then.” Julian nodded. “And you?” Bryan tilted his head to him. “Uh…sure.” They walked down the hall to their rooms. “Take off your clothes. You don’t want them all wrinkled up.” Bryan leaned against the doorframe. Julian nodded and went to work on the buttons. Bryan stood there a moment, watching, until Julian connected to his gaze. “See ya in a bit,” Bryan said with a wave. Julian nodded again and continued undressing. With his hands propped behind his head, Bryan lay naked, staring at the ceiling. What was he doing with Julian? He was a sweet kid. So naïve. What was he thinking bringing him into his life? Maybe Jon was right and he was crazy. Maybe this is really quite horrifying. I’m not a fricken pedophile! Bryan groaned and rubbed his face tiredly. You are insane, Tyler…You should be locked up. An hour later, Bryan opened his eyes and checked the clock

mechanically. He had slept deeply and lay still, trying to clear his head. Some naps left him refreshed, others had the habit of coating his brain with dust. With every ounce of effort he had, he sat up, then waited until he felt awake enough to stand. When he did, he headed to the bathroom, passing the mirror that was attached to his dresser. He stopped short. Turning to face it head on, he inspected his body. He’d missed the gym for the last two days. He’d get Julian into it. The kid would love it. Bryan combed his long hair back from his face, rubbing his jaw and decided on shaving. He scuffed his bare feet to the bathroom to tidy up and get dressed. Turning off the lights as he went, Bryan made for Julian’s bedroom. The door was open so he stepped in. Julian’s clothing was laid neatly over a chair and he was asleep under the sheets. A warm loving sensation spread across Bryan’s chest. He sat on the bed gently and stared at Julian. What a doll. What a beautiful male doll. Bryan bit his lip and imagined curling his arms around him and bringing him to mouth for a kiss. Instead he reached out to touch his arm, tickling it softly. Julian started coming aware. When he opened his eyes, Bryan tilted his head at him, a smile on his lips. “Hi,” Julian said. Bryan chuckled. “Hi back. Think you can get up and get dressed for dinner?”

“Sure.” Julian sat up, pushing his hair away from his face. Bryan moved aside, allowing Julian to stand. In just his new Calvin Klein’s, Julian hunted around for his clothing. Bryan studied his movements and the lines of his body. This young man had a natural muscularity that would develop nicely with weight lifting. Julian felt his eyes on him, watching him dress, and peeked over his shoulder. He kept his back to Bryan until he had his new black slacks on and fastened. When Julian faced him, Bryan noticed his smile. “Naps make me fuzzy.” “Me too sometimes.” “That’s why I don’t like them.” He put on his shirt. “It’s a habit I’ve gotten into. You don’t have to sleep. You could always entertain yourself.” Julian nodded, buttoning his shirt, then he inspected Bryan’s clothing. Bryan glanced down at his own khaki slacks and a white shirt. “You look nice,” Julian said. “Why thank you, sir. Our chariot awaits.” Bryan gestured to the hall. They were shown to a table in one of Seattle’s waterfront restaurants. The Puget Sound appeared black in the creeping rainy night, though the lights of a ferryboat sparkled over its slick surface. Bryan thanked the host for the menu and scanned it.

Julian read his and said, “What the heck? Béchamel? Asaigo? Polenta?” “You need help?” “I’m lost.” Bryan tried not to smile too hard and leaned across the tiny table and candle. “What can I help you with?” “I don’t know what anything is. I feel like an idiot.” “Stop it. You’re not an idiot. Read one to me.” “Okay…uh, how about pasta with layers of spinach with béchamel and asiago.” “Béchamel is a cream sauce and asiago is a cheese. It sounds good, but I think it may be too rich for you. How about some chicken or something.” “They got burgers?” Julian flipped over the menu. “Um, no. Will you trust me?” Bryan wondered if Julian had no option but to trust him now in everything. He realized he’d been saying that same phrase to Julian since he moved in. “Sure.” Julian closed the menu and the waiter came over soon after. Ordering for them both, Bryan handed the waiter the menus. When he left, Julian was staring at him again, this time, with suspicion. “What’s wrong?” Bryan asked. “Why are you doing this for me?”

“I thought you wanted me to order something for you.” Julian’s lips tightened. “No. I mean this…everything!” He waved his arms around. “I want to, Julian. I want to help you.” Bryan tried to keep their voices low. “Why me? What did I do to deserve all this? I don’t get it.” “I wish we could have saved this conversation for home.” Bryan sighed. “Why me?” Julian repeated. “There are a lot of us alone in that home. How come I got to be the one?” Growing anxious, Bryan tugged at his collar to loosen it as his face heated up. He waited for the waiter to place their drinks down before he answered, then took a large gulp of his amber beer. He wiped his lip and leaned over the candle to whisper, “I selected you because of who you are. I didn’t just choose you at random.” “How did you know I even existed?” “I told you. They featured you in the paper. Remember?” It appeared Julian was thinking about it. “So, you picked me for the way I looked?” “Yes and no. It was your looks I was first drawn to, but I also thought I could handle you.” Julian frowned into his soda pop. “There were a ton of kids in there. Why was I the one that got to escape?” Before Bryan could take another sip of his beer, he spotted someone approaching the table. “Oh fuck.”

Julian perked up and spun around to where Bryan was staring. “Well! I can hardly believe it! Bri-annnn! How the hell are you? You never call anyone. Where have you been hiding yourself?” Bryan grimaced at the obvious lisp and hand gestures. “Hey, Michael. I haven’t been hiding.” Michael’s expressive gaze came to rest on Julian. “Who do we have here? Little brother?” “No. Julian, this is Michael. Michael, Julian.” Michael held out his hand to Julian for a shake. Julian took it reluctantly. “My, what a pretty boy,” Michael said, “Do I get to find out where you two met?” “No. Look, Michael, we were just about to have a quiet dinner.” “Yes, dearest. I’ll leave you two love-birds alone. When are you coming out to dance again? It’s been ages. I see Jon all the time. He says you’ve become a hermit. I’m sick to death of everyone shying away from life. My God! We may as well all be dead already if no one is enjoying themselves.” Michael took another glance at Julian who was staring at him with unblinking eyes. Michael tore his own away from Julian’s and whispered out of the corner of his mouth to Bryan, “I want a full report on this one. You cradle robber.” Bryan was about to get violent. “All right, Michael.” “I’m leaving!” He waved his hands defensively. “You!” He pointed at Bryan. “Call! You!” He pointed at Julian. “Share!” Bryan noticed Julian watching Michael wiggle off.

Julian appeared stunned. Bryan was steaming. He sucked the beer down as he wondered what on earth Julian could be thinking after that little show. “That guy’s gay, right?” Bryan sighed. “Yes, and an ass.” Julian asked, “What did he mean by ‘share’?” “Nothing. Ignore him. He’s mental.” Bryan twirled his finger by his head. “Look, the food is here.” The waiter set down two dishes and asked if they had everything they needed. “I’d like another beer. Thank you.” Bryan gave the waiter a forced smile. Julian sniffed his plate warily before he tasted it. Bryan waited for his reaction. When Julian’s face lit up, Bryan smiled with relief. “Did I do good?” “Yeah. This is great.” Julian ate it with robust energy. “Good.” Bryan didn’t want to discuss anything more about the incident. They both ate in silence. On their way out, they passed Michael sitting with another male friend, Chris. Bryan knew it was odd he didn’t stop and speak to Chris, but with Julian already wondering what was going on, he didn’t want to put Julian through anything that may make him uncomfortable. Once they were in the car Bryan located a suitable cassette to

listen to for the drive home. “Are you friends with that other gay guy too?” Julian asked. Bryan exhaled deeply and put the car in drive. “Look, Julian, I don’t care what sexual preferences people have. If I dislike him it’s because of his personality, not because of whom he decides to make love to. Do you understand?” Julian nodded, looking scared. Bryan checked his rear view mirror before changing lanes. “Sometimes men prefer the company of other men. There’s nothing wrong with that.” “Do you?” Bryan ground his jaw. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was hoping he could put off this conversation for at least a few years. “I have a woman partner, remember?” “Oh, I keep forgetting. When is she coming back?” “I don’t know. Not for a while.” He wanted to drop it. Now he was growing furious. It wasn’t supposed to come up this way. “What’s her name again?” “Sarah.” “Right. Sarah.” Julian played with the power door locks. It was nearly ten pm when Julian came through the door of the condominium, feeling tired. He went to his room and kicked off his shoes, taking off his new clothing in favor of comfortable pajamas.

Julian returned to find Bryan in the kitchen with a beer. When Julian entered the room Bryan stopped drinking. Julian asked, “Why don’t you ever call her?” “Call whom?” “Sarah.” “I do call her.” Bryan did not look pleased at this interrogation. “Can you call her now?” “No. I’ll wait until you go to sleep.” “Why?” “So I can talk to her in private. Julian. Stop.” He shut his mouth, but kept up the relentless glare. He felt as if Bryan was lying to him. If he was going to be living with this man he wanted to trust him. How could he if he lied? “Sit down.” Bryan pointed to the kitchen table, his beer still in his fist. After Julian did, Bryan sat across from him and ran his fingers back through his hair. “Look, I didn’t want to get into all this with you, but since you insist…Sarah and I had a fight. She and I argued, and she told me she needed some time away.” “There isn’t even a picture of her here.” Julian waved his hand around. “No. I got mad and tore them all up.” Julian wondered if this was the beginning of a ridiculous string of lies. “Wow. Did you tell the social workers that?” “Should I have? Would you rather be there than here right

now?” Julian shut his mouth. He didn’t miss that place, sitting here, well fed, in his new flannel pajamas. “You want a beer?” “Huh?” Julian jerked his head up. Bryan rose up and removed one out of the fridge, with an iced mug. “A beer? Really?” “Sure. You’re man enough.” Bryan poured it for him and placed the chilled mug in front of him. “Cool.” Julian sat up and took a large gulp. He wiped his lip and smiled up at Bryan in admiration. “Your first?” “No. Peter McCarthy snuck us some once. More than once.” Julian smirked wickedly. “Did he?” Bryan sat next to him at the table. “One of your buddies?” “Yeah. Me and Peter were best friends.” Julian downed his beer thirstily. “What was it like there?” Bryan stood up and extended his hand, as if wanting them to go sit on the couch in the living room. “Not that awful.” Julian followed him, trying to drink the beer as he did. “Not all the time anyway. I had some friends there and we managed to do some things without getting caught.”

“Did you already finish that?” Bryan gaped at Julian. “Uh. Yeah. Sorry.” Julian felt his cheeks blush. Bryan laughed and took the empty mug. “I’ll get you another one.” Julian was ecstatic. “Two beers? Cool!” He squirmed on the sofa excitedly as he heard Bryan in the kitchen. He was hoping Sarah never came back or that she and Bryan didn’t make up. He liked having Bryan to himself. He wasn’t sure he wanted to share him with anyone. “Did you have any girlfriends?” Bryan handed Julian his fresh beer and sat next to him, facing each other on the soft couch. “No. No girlfriends. They kept the girls separated from us. And they never stayed as long as the boys. The girls usually found homes. We were the only ones that stayed there for years. No one wanted us. I think they thought we would rob them or something.” “Did it make you angry? Having to stay there like that?” “Yes. It wasn’t fair. We didn’t do anything wrong. But we were always let down. Peter almost got out once, but the host family changed their mind for some reason. He never found out why.” Bryan reached out his hand and caressed Julian’s hair gently. “Do you know what happened to your real parents?” Shivering at Bryan’s touch, Julian shrugged, finishing the second beer as fast as the first. “Don’t know, don’t care. They never gave a shit about me, why should I give a shit about them?” He realized he swore and covered his mouth, “Oops, sorry.”

Bryan smiled sweetly at him. “It’s okay. I’ve heard the word before. I have all that information if you ever want to know.” “Okay.” Julian held his breath as Bryan moved his hand from his hair to his flannel-covered thigh. It embarrassed Julian that he grew excited at Bryan’s touch. He rested the mug on his groin to hide his tented pajamas bottoms. “I’m sorry, kiddo. I wish I could have found you sooner. I really mean that.” The beer had gone straight to Julian’s head. With a hollow gaze he stared at the hand on his leg. “How old are you, Bryan?” “Twenty-four.” “That’s right. I think I was told that. I wish I was twenty-four too.” Julian stared at him in longing. “Why?” Bryan squeezed his leg playfully. The squeezing made Julian’s cock throb. He cleared his throat. “Then I could do the things I want to do.” Bryan stood abruptly and walked to the window. Upset he had moved away, Julian tilted his head. “Did I say something wrong? I’m sorry. I think I got drunk or something. Don’t be mad at me. Come sit down.” When Bryan lowered his head, Julian hopped off the couch. The touch on Bryan’s back seemed to surprise him. He looked over his shoulder at Julian. “I didn’t mean I want to leave or anything. I mean, I would never want to leave you.”

Slowly Bryan pivoted around to face him. Bryan’s six foot-plusheight felt large next to Julian, but Julian felt small near most people. The moment Bryan ran his hand through Julian’s hair again, pushing it back from his forehead, Julian turned into an inferno of passion. That caress, it was so filled with affection, Julian was starved for it. It was so nice to be touched that way. Closing his eyes, Julian nudged into Bryan’s hand, like a cat, yearning for the petting to continue. He leaned against Bryan, resting on him, too dizzy to stand with his eyes closed and not sway. It was wonderfully warm where they touched. Julian felt isolated and afraid for so long, he was already falling in love with Bryan. It felt natural to wrap his arms around Bryan. When Bryan reciprocated, they rocked softly together. “Julian,” Bryan said, “your cuddles are so nice.” Julian let out a soft hum, like a purr. Nuzzling into Bryan’s shirt, he could smell his cologne. His cock throbbed against Bryan’s thigh. Julian blinked open his eyes. He was rock hard and becoming terribly ashamed about it. As gently as he could, he parted from Bryan’s embracing arms. Once Bryan felt him backing up, he released him. Though he didn’t want to stop touching Bryan, Julian became afraid he would upset him. “I should go to bed.” “Okay, Julian. Goodnight.”

Julian backed out of the room, watching Bryan watching him as he walked. Before Julian turned the corner of the hall, he caught Bryan face the window with its view of the twinkling lights of downtown Seattle. It was just after midnight, when Julian found himself wide-awake. There was a thin beam of light coming from the window casting strange patterns on the ceiling. He was thinking about being back in his old bed, hearing the sounds of breathing from the boys around him. There were three other boys in his room, all in narrow cots, more slender than single mattresses. Sometimes he would hear whispers first, then the soft rustling would start. The boys ranged in age from thirteen to fifteen. Within a half hour after the care worker had closed the light— since she wouldn’t check on them until morning, and only sometimes would she come by after midnight—Peter would be already out of his bed. He was the aggressive one, the brave one. It was Peter who planned the whiskey bottle heist out of the janitor’s room, the one responsible for the toilet paper clogging up the plumbing, the cherry pie sticking to the ceiling. Peter slept in the next cot. He always came to Julian the same time, half hour after the lights were out. He remembered the first time, after the two younger boys had fallen asleep. Peter knelt by Julian’s bed and whispered, “You ever hear of palming?” After Julian shook his head, Peter crawled under that thin blanket to lie next to him. Julian never forgot the shock when Peter reached into his briefs,

waiting for him to do the same. Julian did, trying not to listen to the sounds around them, petrified someone would wake up or catch them. No one ever did. Julian came to expect the treat every night, even thought about it during the day. It was a diversion to a very dull existence. Stimulation in an unstimulating world. What was Peter doing now without him? Had he initiated another boy? Julian didn’t doubt it for a moment. Peter was the one with guts. Sitting up, Julian tucked his rabbit under his pillow. He crept into the hall, listening to the silence. The refrigerator’s hum and a low murmur of traffic from I-5 were the only things disturbing the complete stillness. He moved down the hall to the bedroom at the end, the one room that he had not explored. The master bedroom. Opening the door, peering in, Julian could see the outline of the bed and the dresser. Bryan was sound asleep, that same beam of light from the window gleamed on his broad back. Bryan had pushed the covers off, too warm in the still room. Julian approached. Inside the realm of another man’s bedroom he felt strangely bold for such a daring deed. The room was large and the furniture was solid wood, and appeared costly. There were no feminine touches around, no knickknacks, no high-heeled shoes, no necklaces or flowery jewelry boxes. The body on the bed shifted. It was long and muscular, and

seemed very powerful. Licking his lips in desire, Julian stared at Bryan’s skin, the way it appeared to be satin fabric in the slanting light. Julian wanted to go back to sleep but he wasn’t used to sleeping in a room by himself. He would sleep better in here. Julian jumped out of his skin when Bryan sat up. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did you have a bad dream?” He was so shocked that Bryan had woken up so abruptly, that he just nodded in response. “You want to sleep in here?” He did. Swallowing down his nervousness, Julian wondered if it seemed like he was a baby, hoping to sleep in his guardian’s bed. He shook his head, no, but he was craving Bryan so much it was making him ache. “I don’t mind.” Bryan folded back the covers and scooted over. Hesitantly, Julian crawled into the bed. He made a nest for himself under the blankets and felt the soft pillows under his head. “You all right now?” Bryan whispered. “Yes, thanks,” Julian whispered back. “All right. I’m right here if you need me. Okay?” “Yes, thanks, Bry.” Julian closed his eyes and felt infinitely more secure being able to hear Bryan’s breathing next to him. Wishing he had Peter’s nerve, Julian imagined snuggling up against Bryan and saying, “You know what palming is?”

Julian thought about that man in the restaurant, Michael. Then Julian remembered Peter making a mockery of him one evening when he tried to sit with him in the television lounge. “What are you, queer? Get away from me!” But that night, even after the insult, Peter was back in Julian’s bed. It confused and frustrated Julian. Peter had one face for the outside world, and another for him. Obviously Peter did not want anyone to know they were close. Would Bryan hate him if he knew what he and Peter did together? Would he send him back? Would he call him names? Julian shivered in the dark. I will never ruin this. Whatever I have to do, whatever pretending I need to play, I will. He curled around Bryan for security. Bryan had settled back down and seemed to be asleep again. The heat of Bryan’s body touched Julian. The aura of another man. It was both comforting and arousing. Making contact with Bryan’s side, he was able to close his eyes. A sleepiness overwhelmed him finally as he cuddled up, drifting off.

Chapter Three When the phone woke Bryan up, he muttered in anger. He reached for it and noticed he was leaning over Julian’s prone body. “Shit. Sorry,” he apologized for squashing him then said, “Hello?” into the phone. “Let me in.” “Jon? Jesus! What the hell time is it?” Bryan searched for his clock. “It’s nine. Buzz me in, it’s pouring.” “Christ, I’m still in bed. All right…hang on.” Bryan hit a number on the handset and then hung up, grumbling, “Fucking idiot,” caught Julian’s wide staring eyes and said, “Sorry.” “I’ve heard the word before.” Julian grinned. Bryan had the urge to savor them being in bed together. “Damn,” he growled. “Is someone here visiting?” Julian crunched the pillows under his head. “Yes, my friend Jon. He was supposed to come by later this evening. Now we’re stuck with him. And I wanted us to have a nice lazy morning.” He touched Julian’s nose affectionately. Julian smiled again and ducked under the downy blanket, snuggling playfully.

“Damn!” Bryan moaned, wanting to stay in bed with him. When the front door received a vicious pounding, Bryan grew even more upset. “Fuck…oops, sorry. Shit, shit…” He tossed the covers off and searched for a pair of shorts. Peeking up, Bryan caught Julian gazing at him as he hopped naked, trying to get them on. Huh? Are you looking at my cock? You have to be kidding me! Are you gay? Bryan couldn’t believe he didn’t have the time or luxury at that moment to explore that possibility. “Sorry about Jon, Julian.” “Don’t worry. Go.” When he left the room, Julian lay back with a sigh and held his stiff cock. He wanted them to stay in bed together. Now he wondered how he could get to sleep in this bed again. Do what? Invent another nightmare? Bryan swung open the door, seething mad. “What the hell’s wrong? It isn’t that early,” Jon said, pushing him back, searching around the room. “He’s still in bed.” Bryan growled. Jon paused and stood nose to nose with Bryan. “Whose bed?” Bryan nudged him back. “Go sit down while I make us some coffee, you idiot.” “You get up his tight fifteen year old ass yet?” Jon shed his wet Gortex rain jacket and draped it over a chair.

Bryan spun around with so much fury that Jon actually shut his mouth. “I’m warning you, Stubbs.” Making an exaggerated gesture of innocence, Jon waited for his coffee. He finally settled down in a kitchen chair. “Look at you, you gorgeous mother fucker. Take off those shorts.” “Fuck off.” Bryan switched on the coffee pot and it immediately started making noise as it dripped. “Sit your tight ass down and talk to me.” Jon patted the table and tilted his head. Bryan collapsed in the chair across from him and pushed his hair back from his face, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet. Jon, when I said Tuesday, I didn’t mean morning. Didn’t we decide to see each other before you went to work this evening?” “I have to work eleven to six today. I’m taking over the early shift to cover for someone.” “Gee, and you forgot to mention it. Thanks.” “Shut up. Look either pour me a cup of coffee or take off your shorts and let me put something else in my mouth.” Through his fingers, Bryan stared at Jon in amazement. “Do you ever stop?” He made it upright and located two mugs and the sugar. “Stop? Why should I stop? I’ll hound you until I get what I want from you. I tested negative, you sexy mother fucker, and you still won’t let me near you. Why? What the hell’s a guy gotta do to get inside those tiny red shorts of yours?”

Bryan placed two steaming cups down and removed the milk from the fridge. “I said shut up.” “Fuck you. Go. Go with your little nymph. See if I care.” He stirred sugar into his cup and sipped it. “Will you lower your voice?” Bryan leaned back to see out of the kitchen doorway. “What did you say to him about Sarah? Did he ask where she is?” Bryan combed his hand through his long unruly hair and yawned. “I told him we had a fight and she’s with her mother.” “Huh. You think of everything, don’t you? So, what’s he like?” Jon set his mug down and leaned his elbows on the table. His hand working over the sandpaper grit of his jaw, Bryan checked out of the doorway again, then smiled at Jon. “Like an angel. He’s a bit shy.” “So, that’s it? Now that you have him you’re not going out anymore? No more bars? No more clubs?” “Why the hell would I go back to the clubs? Fuck no. The gym, that’s it. And I may even just work out in the pathetic little one they have here at the complex just to avoid people.” Jon glared at him. “I hate you.” Bryan laughed at his expression. “Look, if you think I’m interested in dating anyone, you’re insane.” “Oh no. You’ve made it perfectly clear the outside world terrifies you. But not everyone is satisfied with celibacy or pedophilia.”

“Watch it!” Bryan warned, growing furious instantly. “I don’t have lewd intentions and he’s not ten, for Christ’s sake! Don’t make me feel like I’m doing something obscene. I’ll hate you for it.” “No lewd intentions yet.” Jon’s brown eyes sparkled wickedly with his sneer. “How many times do I have to repeat this to you? I did not bring Julian here to be sexual with him.” “You’re insane. How many more years of abstinence can you handle? If you want it clean, come here. Fuck me!” Jon tried to grab Bryan’s arm from over the table. “Bryan, I promise you I am as clean and pure as you are.” “Right.” Bryan shook his head at that lie and kept out of his reach. “I am. Why don’t you believe me?” Jon gave up attempting to get a hold of him and went back to sipping his coffee. “Because I’ve seen you in action. I’ve seen you leave the bars with men I wouldn’t associate with.” “I use a fucking condom, asshole. You think I want it? You think it doesn’t scare the shit out of me? Every fucker in this city is on AZT. You can hear the stupid beepers going off everywhere you go. You think I want that?” He lowered his voice and peered quickly at the doorway. “I’m talking about sex with someone you know. I would never lie to you. Why do you think everyone out there wants to get the fucking thing? Some of us behave ourselves, Bryan.” Bryan released a loud sigh. It was useless, this old game

between he and Jon. When Bryan had no one to call his own, Jon was willing to accept his celibacy. Now that there was a possible partner looming, Jon was growing intolerably jealous. He inspected Jon’s angry expression. Jon’s dark hair was cropped short, his jaw showed a day’s growth. Bryan was a few inches taller than Jon, but Jon was more powerfully built. “No, I don’t think everyone out there is stupid or careless. Of course everyone is being more careful. But there are forty million infected people in this world. Don’t you think it’s time to stop and think about it?” “You think I’m ugly then?” Bryan threw up his hands in frustration. “What the fuck have I been saying for the last few years? No, I don’t think you’re ugly. I just don’t want a physical relationship with you. I love you like a brother, and I think you’re a handsome fucker, but I don’t want to be intimate with you. I know you. You can’t be monogamous.” Bryan lowered his voice. “Oh, in the beginning maybe, but then someone will flash a pec on the dance floor and you’ll be on your knees. Then? Then you’ll be so guilty about it, you won’t tell me. No, I can’t go on that merry-go-round with you. If you can’t stand the terms of this friendship, then leave it.” Bryan felt his veins pulsate in his temples. He hated when Jon brought up this debate. It was one they’d had too many times. “I’ve never lied to you. And the truth is, our friendship means more to me than one fucking screw. All right?” Jon leveled his steely stare at Bryan and said, “I would not go out on you.” “Forget it.” Bryan stood up to get them more coffee. When he

noticed Julian standing in the threshold, he jumped out of his skin. Oh shit. What had Julian heard of that revealing little conversation? “Julian. Hey. Uh. You want a cup of coffee? Or juice?” Bryan tried to hide his nervousness. Instantly, Jon whipped his head around to see Julian. “Juice, please.” Julian was dressed in a pair of new jeans and a t-shirt. Bryan studied Julian as he took a good look at Jon. Jon said, “Holy fuck,” like Julian couldn’t hear him. “Julian, this is a friend of mine, Jon Stubbs.” Bryan nodded to Jon, as he poured Julian a glass of juice. “Hey,” Julian said shyly. “Hi, Julian. Why don’t you sit down and join us.” It appeared as if Jon was trying not to grate his teeth. Bryan knew the thought of this sexy young man being the object of his desire was making Jon jealous. It didn’t matter that he had no intention of touching Julian. Jon still was angry. Julian sat down, leaving the seat across from Jon vacant for Bryan. It was silent. Awkwardness prevailed. Bryan placed Julian’s juice in front of him, then topped off the coffee mugs and sat down heavily next to him. Trying to see Julian through Jon’s eyes, Bryan had a feeling Jon couldn’t get enough of ogling Julian’s long, soft blond hair and crystal blue eyes.

“So, how do you like living with Bryan, Julian?” Julian peeked up at Bryan first. It brought Bryan out of his daydream. “I like it.” “Do you? Well, what’s not to like? He’s gorgeous, he’s rich, he’s built like a fucking—” Bryan kicked Jon under the table. “Ouch!” Jon flinched and glared at him, then tried to continue calmly, “I suppose anything is better than that place you were in.” “It wasn’t that bad.” Julian finished his juice. “Is he spoiling you? Showering you with gifts?” Jon flinched as if he anticipated another kick, and Bryan was about to give it to him. Julian smiled a little too knowingly. “Yes. You have a problem with that?” Bryan choked on his coffee and Jon sat up straighter, blinking in surprise. “No. No problem at all. You found yourself a nice little sugar daddy, didn’t you, little one?” “Jon,” Bryan warned. “Are you jealous of me, Jon?” Julian asked boldly. “Oh, shit.” Bryan stood, trying to intervene. “Okay, well, I think it’s time you left, Mr. Stubbs.” Jon leaned over the table to confront Julian. “Careful, little boy.” “Enough!” Bryan grabbed Jon’s shirt and yanked him up to his feet. “Not little. Not where it counts anyway. Bet you can’t say the

same,” Julian scoffed, tipping the last drop of juice onto his tongue. “What did he just say to me?” Jon gaped at Bryan. “How old are you, Julian? You think you’re a match for someone my size?” He puffed up angrily. “I said, enough!” Bryan shoved Jon into the living room roughly. When Bryan glanced back at Julian, he found his wicked smirk at having gotten Jon upset. Bryan manhandled Jon until he was out of the unit door and in the hall. “You got your look at him. You didn’t have to turn it into a scene,” Bryan said. “That arrogant little fucker!” Jon said, “Who does he think he is talking to me that way?” He met Bryan’s eyes. “You and your selfcentered solutions. You don’t give a shit about me, do you? You had to go and get a little boy to lavish all your love and affection on. I hate you! I hate you so much I could kill you!” “Jon, stop making this about us. I told you more than five years ago I wouldn’t have sex with you. Even if Julian were not here, it would not change. Do you get it?” Jon tried to pull out of his grip. “I get it! I get that you’ve never even given me a chance to prove it to you. Do you have any idea what it could be like between us?” “Stop! We can’t talk about it anymore now. We’ve gone over it to death. Try and understand. I need you as a friend. Don’t leave here mad.” “Fuck you! Why is it always what you need? What about what I

need from you? You know what? Go back to your little toy boy and leave me the hell alone!” Jon pushed Bryan back violently. He took a step to stop Jon before the elevator door closed, then gave up and just lowered his head in defeat. Julian heard it. Every word. Bryan closed the door, huffing out a loud exhale. When he returned, Julian studied his entirety now, not just his face. As far as Julian was concerned, the ‘gay cat’ was out of the bag. Julian made Bryan very well aware his body was being admired. “I’m sorry about that, Julian. Jon’s going through a bad time.” Julian met his eyes. Because he can’t have you. Obviously not knowing what Julian had overheard, Bryan said, “Do you have anything you want to ask me, Julian?” “No. Oh, yes, one thing.” “What’s that?” Bryan seemed to be prepared for the worst. “What are we eating for breakfast?” A choking laugh of relief came out of Bryan. “Coming right up.” Mine. You. Are. Mine. Julian smiled in triumph.

Chapter Four Julian felt lightness to his spirit. There was something about that acquired knowledge that he enjoyed. A feeling of possession maybe? Or of mutual attraction? They hadn’t discussed what he had overheard. Bryan apparently suspected it was revealing, whatever it was. And Julian knew he was acting differently, more at ease, more confident with Bryan than he had been only a few hours ago. With the sense that he and Bryan were a committed couple, Julian strolled through the Pike Place Market admiring all the fruit and vegetable stands. At one point Bryan held him back as dead, gutted fish flew through the air from one man outside the counter to another inside it. Julian tried to absorb all the movements, aromas, colors, and sounds. He had never been there before and was fascinated by it. Mixed with the rotting fish smell and the saltiness of Puget Sound was the unmistakable reek of urine. The grayness of the clouds reflected in the immense body of water, contrasting by the booths of hot pink and orange t-shirts; a cornucopia of every fruit and vegetable imaginable, some more bizarre than he could imagine. Cheese balls hung like heads from the gallows and the sound of a harpsichord or player piano echoed from an unknown location. “Yet another first for you, Julian.” Bryan held out his hand and

gestured to a Japanese restaurant. The entrance had an enormous fish tank filled with Koi, all with bug-eyes and long orange veils like exotic dancers. Julian was mesmerized by it until he felt a tap on his shoulder. After they settled into their seats and nodded thank you to the hostess, Bryan unzipped his leather jacket and slid it onto the chair behind him. Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung was playing in the background of the noisy patrons. “What kind of food should I get?” Julian inched out of his leather as well, without the grace and charm of his partner. “I’ll take care of you. Don’t worry.” Bryan started marking off what kind of sushi he wanted on a paper menu. “You always do.” Bryan raised his head up quickly as if to see if it was said in sarcasm. Julian gave him an affectionate smile. Bryan didn’t react, and went back to marking the menu. Julian could not stop staring at him. This man was so confident, so intelligent, and so incredible looking, Julian was infatuated. When they first met, with his ‘pretend partner’, Sarah, Julian didn’t think much about their appearance. They were a young, happy couple to his eyes. He never bothered to actually study them, though he was a little envious of them, almost resentful, if he was honest. Not knowing what they expected of him, and vice versa, unnerved Julian. But now. Now with this new information, he stared at Bryan with wide-open eyes.

“Do you think I’m cute?” Julian asked with intended coquettishness. The jump Bryan did in reaction, as if an electric current zapped him from the directness, made Julian laugh. With one look around him first, Bryan leaned over the table so he could whisper. Julian was thrilled. A direct question needed a direct answer. “Yes.” Julian grinned in excitement. “I thought so.” His crotch became damp and his jeans tight from his stiff dick. He fidgeted nervously, playing with the chopsticks and napkin. “That’s what you thought when you saw my picture in the paper. Right? Isn’t that why you picked me? Because you thought I was sexy?” Bryan exhaled and rubbed his jaw. “How much did you overhear this morning, Julian?” Julian sat back in his chair and thought it out in his head before answering. Would revealing what he knew about Bryan’s sexual preference anger or please him? What should he say? Bryan again peered around as if to see who was listening before he spoke. “Yes, that is why I picked you out. I thought you looked very good in that photo, Julian. Is that what you want me to tell you?” Using the heel of his palm to rub his crotch, Julian smiled to himself, very satisfied with the answer. In silence, Bryan studied him until the waitress came by, then he handed her the list of sushi. She bowed and left them again.

Feeling like a fellow conspirator instead of the outsider for once, Julian leaned over the table to him. “So, let me see if I got this straight. You saw my picture in the paper and thought I looked ‘very good’. Then you made the effort to pretend you had a life partner just so you could get me. Do I have it right so far?” “Julian…” Bryan appeared uncomfortable. “Why now? You had me alone in the condo this morning and I asked you if you had any questions. Why did you wait until we were out in public? You’ve done this twice to me.” With some feigned indifference, Julian shrugged. “I just think of this stuff. I don’t know. We can stop talking about it.” A long moment passed. Finally Bryan stretched over the table and said, “If you’re unhappy, I can get you back to Everett.” “No!” Julian shouted, then covered his mouth and peered around. Lowering his voice, he met Bryan over the table. “No. Are you kidding? Go back? No way. I want to be with you.” The first order of sushi arrived at that moment. Just realizing what was in front of him, Julian stared at the sliced seaweed parcels in disgust. “What the heck is that?” “A California roll. Here, try it.” Bryan picked up a piece in his chopsticks, dipped it in soy sauce and wasabi paste, then held it up for Julian. When Julian crossed his arms and leaned back, Bryan laughed and said, “Trust me, cutie.” That lit Julian up. “Do you know how many times you’ve said that line to me?”

“Have I steered you wrong?” Julian thought about it. Disarmed, and completely enamored with Bryan, he leaned forward and opened his lips. Bryan fed him the morsel and waited for a reaction. Julian’s eyes brightened and he smiled. “Mmm!” he said through a full mouth. Bryan winked at him. “All you have to do is trust me, babe.” After Julian swallowed he leaned across the table, trying to give Bryan a sensuous leer. “I do, Bryan, with all my heart.” “Good.” Bryan returned the smile. Shutting the motorcycle’s engine, quieting the rumble, Bryan held it steady for Julian to climb off. The weather was changing rapidly with the coming winter and soon riding in the rain would be out of the question. They came through the condominium’s door to the phone ringing. Bryan rushed to read who it was first, then lifted the receiver. “Hello, Sarah, my long lost partner.” Bryan gave Julian a wink and followed him to the kitchen. Julian grinned at him happily and opened the refrigerator, holding up the juice. Bryan shook his head no, but nodded yes to a beer as it was wagged in front of him. Sarah asked, “Well? How are you two getting along?” “Fantastic. We don’t miss you at all.” Bryan thanked Julian for the beer, then said to him, “Get a cold mug from the freezer. You can have one too.” Bryan cupped the phone and nodded to him.

And seemingly not taking it for granted, Julian grinned excitedly and pulled out two iced mugs. “Really? Fantastic? He seemed so backwards when we met him.” Thinking about a response, Bryan wondered if Julian should be listening to this. “You want me to put on the second Star Wars movie?” Bryan asked him. “Is he standing right there?” Sarah said. “You want me outta here?” Julian answered perceptively. “You mind, handsome?” Bryan reached out his hand to him. Julian took it and squeezed it, leaning against his shoulder, sniffing his hair. Enjoying his closeness, Bryan smiled at him affectionately and heard Sarah going on and on, though he had momentarily stopped paying attention to her. “Thanks, Julian.” Bryan winked. Figuring Julian would do his best to listen anyway, Bryan waited as Julian took his beer and left the room. Bryan got back to Sarah. “Yes, he was just here. He’s in the living room now. Oh, my dear, things have changed since I spoke to you last.” “Where did you tell him I was?” “Your mom’s. It doesn’t matter now. Fucking Stubbs came by and opened his big mouth. Julian knows I don’t have a woman partner and he has a feeling he’s now in possession of me.” “What?” She choked. “What do you mean he possesses you?

He’s gay? You guys are lovers already?” “No. Calm down, Ms. Johnson.” Bryan sipped his beer and tried to lean around the doorway without being seen doing it. “I think he’s gay and no we’re not lovers. Julian overheard Jon say some things about how he and I should be together.” “Again?” “Again…and when he saw how adorable Julian is he went ballistic. You should have heard Julian showing off to him. It would have been funny if it wasn’t so scary.” “Showing off how? I can’t believe this. Here I am thinking you’ll need me to play house with you for a few years, when you guys have totally thrown the idea out the window.” As her tone escalated, Bryan could hear that same jealous anger coming from her that he heard from Jon. “Sarah, please, I still need you. All I want to do is have a quiet life with Julian.” “Fucking a little boy.” “Stop it. We are not fucking and we won’t.” “Not yet!” “Oh, here it comes. Jon Stubbs take-two. I just had this conversation with him this morning. Why can’t you two just let me get on with taking care of Julian? I told you both what I was doing. He’s my companion.” With the emotions making him infuriated, he was yelling, his beer mug clenched in his fist. “And he’s not that little, Sarah. He’s very close to manhood and I don’t like the two of you trying to make me seem like some deviant pedophile. How old were

you when you had sex the first time, Sarah? You told me fifteen, remember?” “Yes, with a fifteen year old boy. You’re way older than he is.” “I’m twenty-four and he’s almost sixteen. When he’s twenty and I’m twenty-eight will it be scandalous then?” All this negative feedback was beginning to get Bryan furious. “Why are you doing this to me? You, most of all, Sarah. We had a long time together talking about this idea. Now? Now that I have him when no one thought I could get him, everyone’s turned on me.” Bryan had no idea what she was thinking by her silence. “You still there?” “Yes.” “Can I still count on you for when the social workers visit? Or is that out now too?” “I’ll be there. Just give me notice. You know, Bryan…” “Thank you. No, what, Sarah?” He finished his beer and opened the refrigerator for another. “You know why everyone is giving you a hard time now, don’t you?” “Yes. I do. I only look stupid.” He located the bottle opener and popped the top off. “You alienated everyone. No one could come near you. No matter what.” “Sarah, please.” “One night. All I wanted was one night in bed with you. And you

wouldn’t do it.” “I’m gay!” he replied in fury. He heard Julian laugh and cringed, lowering his voice. Sarah said, “Oh, come on. Then you could just lay there and let me play with you. What am I getting out of this deal? The deal that got you the love of your life?” “You want money? How much?” “Fuck you!” Thinking this plan was collapsing on him from directions he had not anticipated, Bryan panicked. “No, Sarah, please don’t be upset. Jon is already pissed, please…please, just let me be happy. Why is it so hard for everyone? I’m not that great a catch that everyone needs to feel this kind of jealousy. I’m mental. You wouldn’t want me around.” “Ha! Oh, please. Spare me. You’re fucking gorgeous, built like a god, and the sweetest man I’ve ever met. Don’t even tell me about your money. I’d love you without it.” That left him dumbfounded. He was aware she liked him, but Sarah had never said anything like that to him before. She said, “All right. I’ll lay off for now. But when this goes haywire and you need a shoulder to cry on, come to me, you delicious thing you.” “It won’t go haywire if everyone stops talking about me having sex with Julian.” “Are you nuts? What are you going to do if he’s flaming gay and

begs to suck your cock? For Christ’s sake, Bryan, he’s fifteen and his hormones must be raging. And if he meets the girl or boy of his dreams? Say bye-bye to him. At least you can trust me to not go out on you.” “Sarah. Please.” Bryan almost cried. When he raised his head Julian was there at the doorway. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” she said. “You…you need anything, Julian?” Bryan could not hide the anguish in his voice. “Is he there again?” Sarah asked. Bryan wondered if Julian could hear the pain and agony coming out of him. Julian moved closer to him, petting Bryan’s hair gently as if trying to offer comfort. “Hello? Bryan, where are you?” Sarah was screaming into the phone. “I have to go, Sarah.” Bryan didn’t take his eyes off of Julian’s. “Why? What’s going on? When will I see you?” she said frantically. “Bye.” Bryan disconnected the line and set the phone on the table. Julian stood close, stroking back Bryan’s hair from his face. “What are you doing?” Bryan asked. Julian dropped his hand to his side. “You sounded upset.”

Bryan tipped his beer up to his lips and drank it. “Why don’t we level with each other, Bryan,” Julian said. Bryan slammed down his beer mug. “I think it’s time you went to your room.” “What?” Julian looked stunned, obviously predicting the opposite reaction. Bryan rose up and nudged him. “Go on.” Julian resisted his pushing and said, “When are we going to stop lying to each other?” Bryan turned his back to him and stared out of the window. Julian grumbled angrily and stormed to his room, slamming the door. Totally confused, the path that he had planned perfectly, crashing off course, Bryan covered his face and tried to stop the pain. This was moving too fast. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. He had to slow it down. Could Julian be implying what he thought he was? Now? Already? And what if Sarah was right and Julian offered him sex? Did Julian even know what AIDS was? Did they tell him about it in that horrible place? Why was this happening after months of hard work and planning? Why couldn’t it go as he imagined it? Bryan curled his fists in rage and ground his teeth. Tears began to roll down his jaw. He was so frustrated he could die. He couldn’t trust a soul and the anguish was beginning to kill him. A fault that he hated himself for was the fact that he was so anal and planned everything down to a T. Nothing was left to chance.

Lists and facts, charts and graphs, everything had to be laid out. His whole life he had goals and a to-do list. All achieved up to this point. The job with the stock-portfolio, the money, the condo with the view, planned to the date and time of success. It was the Capricorn in him, he was convinced. Anal to the point of obsession. He knew he was borderline OCD and dreaded anyone interfering with his well-thought out plans. It was consistent with the rest of him. He liked his house spotless, his clothing pressed and fresh, and his body perfect. Anything less caused instant anger and frustration. Julian thought about his situation carefully as he lay back on the bed. Rabbit and he were having a conversation—one sided, of course. “You heard what he said to that Jon guy,” he whispered. “Bryan only wants me. Then why does he tell me to go to my room when I want him too?” His stuffed bunny’s long ears dangling and worn, Rabbit just stared at him blankly with his button eyes. “Should I go to him? Will he just tell me to go away again?” Rabbit shrugged. “You’re no help.” Julian set him aside and stared at the ceiling. “What would Peter do?” A smirk edged up the corner of his mouth. Julian knew Peter. Peter would go and get what he wanted. He simply didn’t think of consequences. He sat up on the bed, trying to listen. On tiptoes, he crept back

to the living room. Bryan was on the couch, his feet up on the coffee table, a beer in his hand. His eyes were glazed as he stared into space. Julian stepped beside him and said, “Bryan?” Making the effort to turn his head, Bryan met his eyes. “Uh, you going to bed?” Julian checked the time. It was after eleven. Giving no response, Bryan stared into space once more, downing the beer and putting the mug on a coaster on the coffee table. “Come on.” Julian tugged at his shirt at the shoulder. “It’s late.” With a struggle, Bryan rose to his feet. Julian clasped his hand and led him down the hall, shutting off lights as he did. He sat Bryan on his king-sized bed and started to undress him. “I sometimes think of killing myself,” Bryan said, almost more for his ears than for Julian’s. “I’m sick to death of being alone.” “You’re not alone. I’m here now.” Julian slid Bryan’s shirt down his arms and tossed it on a chair, then he pushed him back to lie flat on the bed. “I mean, I may as well be dead. Why put myself through this shit?” Julian unzipped Bryan’s jeans and struggled to pull them off his legs. “I said you’re not alone. Didn’t you hear me?” “If you’re going to get something that’s going to kill you eventually, slowly, painfully, then why not just do it now? Get it over

with?” After a battle, Julian managed to tug off Bryan’s tight blue jeans and toss them on the floor. “You want your briefs off too?” “I just can’t fight anymore. No one is rational about it. They just fuck everything in sight. Don’t they know people are dying?” Ignored Bryan’s rambling, Julian yanked down his briefs and threw them on the floor with his jeans. “Get under the covers.” “I’ve lost so many friends. Are you listening to me? Lost peers. Men in their twenties or early thirties. I had to visit them while they were in the hospital. It made me sick. Grown men weighing eighty pounds?…Oh, Christ…” he moaned, crying, shaking his head in denial. Listening to this emotional outpouring with some apprehension, Julian was trying to rely on his meager resources to understand, let alone offer feedback. Adding to that complicated task was the temptation of Bryan’s naked body. Julian tried unsuccessfully not to let that distract him. Crawling onto the bed next to him, Julian said, “Look, I know what you’re talking about. They told us about it in there. They scared the hell out of us and made it really clear not to be promesc, promesc…uh, not to fool around with anyone. I’m not stupid. I know all about it.” “One of my best buddies in college…I loved that man. You have any idea how much I wanted to touch him?” Bryan sniffed and wiped his eyes. “Where would I be now if I had? Imagine what would have happened to me.”

Julian leaned over Bryan’s chest. “You didn’t, did ya? You don’t have to be scared. You don’t have it, Bryan. Is that it? Is that why I’m here? Because I’m a—” It suddenly embarrassed Julian to admit it. “A virgin? Is that it, Bryan? That’s it, isn’t it? Will you ever tell me the truth?” To Julian’s eyes, Bryan seemed unconnected to anything but his own pain. Bryan wiped his face with both his hands. “Why try? Even if I never touch another human being, I get to watch my close friends die. I can’t take that anymore. I’ll crack. Now they’ve started to resent me. You heard Jon. I’ve loved that man like a brother for over five years. But I’ll never lay a hand on him. Never.” “Do you want to lay your hands on me?” Frustrated at not being heard, Julian trembled and was about to start raising his voice to get Bryan to acknowledge him. “He thinks I should trust him. He tells me he wouldn’t lie to me. But I know how impulsive Jon is. No, I don’t fucking trust him. I don’t trust anyone.” With two hands, Julian grabbed Bryan’s jaw and turned it to face him. “What about me?” Bryan only just seemed to notice him. His expression softened. Julian cleared his throat awkwardly. “You keep forgetting me. I don’t want anybody else. I swear it. You can trust me. Why would I ruin this? What else is out there that I could possibly want or need? I have everything with you. I don’t want to die either. If you tell me you don’t have it, I believe you. Then we both don’t have it. So, why would I go with someone else and then get it?”

Bryan stared at him in silence. Was Bryan finally hearing him, listening to what he had to say? Petting his long, brown hair back from his face, Julian said, “Bryan, listen to me, please. I know you just think I’m a dumb kid—” He prevented Bryan from the expected denial to continue, “But I’m not. I know what I have with you. I don’t want anything else, and I know I can be happy here…forever.” Bryan leaned up on his elbows so he could see Julian’s face more clearly. “No, I mean, yes, I hear what you’re telling me, but you’re too young to make this decision now.” “Shut up!” Julian covered Bryan’s mouth. Gently, Bryan took his hands away. “Julian. You are too young.” “Man! What does it take to convince you?” Julian breathed out in exasperation. “You won’t convince me to do something I feel is wrong.” Like hell I won’t . With one thing on his mind, Julian climbed off the bed and began taking off his clothes. “No, Julian, you’re too young. Don’t do this.” “Not too young to sleep. Now shut up, will you? Man, you talk too much.” Bryan watched, silent after the rebuking, as Julian stripped naked. Hungry for a touch of him, Julian climbed into the bed and reached out for Bryan. Bryan embraced him. Feeling his naked length against his own, Julian thought he had

melded with the bed. His dick throbbed and pressed against Bryan. “This is the first time in a decade I’ve had a naked body against my naked body.” Bryan moaned, the tears started to fall from his eyes. Julian loved it. He squirmed against him hungrily and nuzzled into his hair, his erection rubbing against Bryan’s taut skin. Julian wanted to hump him like a hound in heat. “Oh, God, you feel so good.” Bryan whimpered, crushing him in his arms. Julian groaned in agreement. “You too, but if you make me wait two years to climax with you, I think I’ll be the one to kill myself.” Bryan blinked his eyes in surprise. Julian loved the way it lit him up. He nudged Bryan and almost asked, “You ever hear of palming?”

Chapter Five It was still raining when morning came. It spattered the windows with fierce gusts, sounding like hail bullets against the glass. Inside it felt wonderfully lazy and warm. The down comforter embraced the cotton-filled bed and sheets, keeping them from coming back to the world of consciousness. Julian’s eyes opened. At the sensation of heat from Bryan’s body beside him, he smiled to himself with a mixture of devotion and passion. He never imagined anyone could want him so much. Evidently his father and mother didn’t and the one other placement he’d had didn’t work out. The more Julian aged the less desirable for adoption or foster care he became. Julian thought back on the years of isolation when Peter’s brief encounters were all he had to fill his mind. With slow graceful movements, Bryan was starting to come around from a deep slumber. Instinctively, Julian slid closer to him and sealed his length against Bryan’s side. Julian reached under the pile of blankets to touch Bryan’s chest. The skin there was tight and smooth as satin. It made Julian clench his teeth with yearning and he pushed his groin into Bryan’s side involuntarily. Julian waited for Bryan to fully awaken. Bryan kept his eyes closed, lying perfectly still, but the pattern of his breathing had

changed to shorter intakes and exhales. Just the sheer size of Bryan, the strength and solidness of his body, thrilled Julian. He skimmed his hand across those large, rounded pectorals, then lowered to the rippled waves of Bryan’s abdomen. Julian groaned and nuzzled his face into Bryan’s armpit to inhale his spicy deodorant scent and musky maleness. The demand between Julian’s legs was getting more difficult to ignore. When Bryan woke up completely, would he put an abrupt stop to this or indulge Julian’s fantasy? With his hips writhing against Bryan’s solid quadriceps muscle maddening Julian to a new peak, Julian knew if he kept humping, he would come. Having this amazing man lying naked with him in bed, yet not able to devour him freely, was driving him insane. He raised his head up and checked Bryan’s passive face. Why is he still asleep? Can’t he wake up and kiss me? After a silent groan of frustration Julian laid his head down on Bryan’s shoulder, reaching his hand lower. When Julian’s fingers surrounded Bryan’s erection, Bryan’s lips opened with a gasp. Julian felt Bryan jolt in fear, but didn’t look at his expression. All Julian wanted to do was get off on Bryan. In a delirious state of sexual desire, Julian tightened his grip around Bryan’s shaft. It was large and thick; a contrast to his soft heavy balls. When Bryan’s enormous thighs parted his sack fell in

between and Julian reached to catch them. He felt Bryan shiver and heard him swallow in a loud gulp. But Bryan didn’t do or say anything. Still Julian was afraid to look at his eyes. He wanted to keep playing. What was Bryan thinking right now? Was he happy or upset? Julian began to care less about the thoughts going through their minds and was more interested in the act of possessing this man’s cock while dry-humping him. Searching for the right amount of friction, eager for satisfaction, Julian’s hips were dancing in delight against Bryan’s side. Julian continued to fist Bryan’s cock, squirming and gasping, as he came near a climax. He just wanted Bryan’s skin on his, those hands on him, that mouth to kiss. How long had it been since another person’s hand had touched him? Bryan was sick to death of masturbating. Yet, there was also an urge to shove that hand away. The fear in him ran so deep it was like poison in his veins. Tears rolled down Bryan’s cheeks. How long? How long had he waited to lay naked and intertwined under the sheets? Ten years! Ten long, mother fucking years! “Take me!” Julian hissed. “I don’t care what you do to me, but take me!” It took a moment for Bryan to understand what he was hearing. He shook his head no. No, it’s not supposed to be like this. I can’t!

I can’t! While those thoughts went through his head, Julian sat up, tossing the covers back, for they were boiling hot and in a sweat. Julian landed on top of Bryan; hips on hips, hardness rubbing hardness, Julian pleaded for it, both his hands clenching Bryan’s rounded chest. “Bryan! What do I have to do? I love you! Why won’t you make love to me?” That stunned Bryan. “You…you love me?” Julian threw up his hands as if in complete frustration. “Are you stupid? You waited so long for me. You lied, begged, borrowed and stole to get me. Now that you have exactly what you want, you still won’t take it? Why?” “Did you say you love me?” Bryan pointed to his own chest in confusion. “Yes! I love you. Okay?” When Bryan blinked, Julian grabbed his face and pecked his lips, saying as he did, “I love you! I love you! I love you!” Bryan was in shock. “No, Julian. I mean. Yes, it’s good we love each other, but we can’t do this.” Bryan tried to hoist Julian upwards, off his body. Julian sat up over him. “Are you going to make love to me or not?” He folded his arms and then made an obvious gesture with his eyes to their hard-ons. Guilt washed over Bryan. Age. It was Julian’s age. Was he taking advantage of him? This can’t be right.

“Jesus, Bryan! What the hell’s wrong with you?” Julian shifted off Bryan’s hips, yanked the blankets down, and started sucking on Bryan’s cock. “Ah!” Bryan stiffened up and gasped as he stared down at him. Oh, dear God, when was the last time someone did that to me? He held back, like he could not come in Julian’s mouth. “No…no…” Julian pushed Bryan’s thighs wider so he could lie down between them. “Yes! You will!” He went back to work. Bryan tensed up, trying to prevent it. “No…No…I can’t. You’re too young. Julian, no. Oh, God, oh, God.” Bryan nudged Julian to stop, but obviously Julian wasn’t going to. The torment and guilt were trying to bring Bryan back to reality. He was sensible. He didn’t do things without thinking them out. This is not happening! “Ahhhhfuuuck!” When Bryan came his entire body convulsed at the power. For a decade he had deprived himself of this kind of contact. No one—No one—touched him and he hadn’t touched a soul. He had forgotten how fantastic it felt to connect sexually with another human being. When he finally was able to open his eyes, Julian was kneeling up, masturbating. “Oh, holy shit.” Bryan could not believe any of this. “Shh. I’m getting close.” Hot cum landed on Bryan’s chest. With his eyes wide in absolute amazement that this was happening only two days after Julian’s

arrival, Bryan watched as Julian sprayed out long, roping creams of spunk, spattering Bryan’s chest and abs. After a low groan of pleasure, Julian collapsed on top of Bryan, whimpering. They lay silent, both hearts pounding like thunder. Bryan didn’t know what to do. His senses were on overload. “I’m exhausted and ready for more sleep.” Julian wriggled against Bryan’s sticky chest, snaking his arms around Bryan, closing his eyes. Numb, Bryan petted Julian’s hair softly and gazed out into the depths of the room, his mind a complete blank. Bryan had left Julian in the shower to get breakfast started, when the phone rang. He ran his fingers nervously through his damp hair. “Hello?” “Hello, Mr. Tyler? This is Yolanda Lewis from the Snohomish County foster care office. I’m just checking to see how you and Ms. Johnson are getting along with Julian? Are things going all right? Have there been any problems?” Bryan cleared his throat. “No problems at all, Ms. Lewis. Julian is behaving very well.” “I’m so happy to hear that. There were some doubts because he was an older child, as to whether he would adjust to a father figure or anyone of authority for that matter.” Father figure? Bryan contained his loud gulp at that guilty lie.

“He seems very content here. Sarah and I have had no problem with him.” “Good. Have you enrolled him in school to finish his high-school education?” “No. I thought we could home school him. Sarah has a degree in teaching, as you know, and the high-schools in Seattle have a terrible record of violence. We could get him up to par quickly to get his GED.” “I hate to agree with you, Mr. Tyler, but unfortunately I do. When would a visit be convenient so I can speak to Julian in person?” A cold chill washed over Bryan’s spine. He wondered what kind of notice Sarah would need. “Later this week, perhaps?” “Fine. How about Thursday evening, after dinner sometime so I can meet with everyone?” “That’s fine. How about sevenish?” “Perfect. I’ll see you then, Mr. Tyler.” Petrified, guilty, and stone cold, Bryan hung up and started trembling. Immediately he dialed Sarah’s number. It rang four times, then the answering machine picked up. “Sarah, it’s Bryan. I need you, dear. Ms. Lewis is coming by Thursday at seven p.m. Please come through for me. I’m begging you. I’ll try your cell phone. Call me please.” He hung up and redialed, sitting at the kitchen table. “Shit…Sarah, it’s Bryan. I just left a message for you at home. Call me. It’s urgent.” He hung up and tried to think.

“Don’t worry.” Bryan peered up at Julian who was standing in the doorway wrapped in a towel. “Ha,” Bryan answered, getting lost on Julian’s hairless body. “Look, even if they think something’s up, I’ll run away and be with you.” “Oh, God.” Bryan rubbed his eyes in agony. After draping the towel over a chair, Julian climbed onto Bryan’s lap, kissing his cheek. “You worry a lot.” “That’s an understatement.” He met Julian’s eyes. “Sarah won’t let me down.” Julian shrugged. “It depends how much she loves you.” Bryan nudged Julian to be able to see his face clearly. “Don’t get too perceptive on me. You’re supposed to be young and naïve, my naked cherub.” Julian smiled sweetly at Bryan and laid his head down on his shoulder. When Bryan peeked down, he found Julian fingering himself, sporting another erection. “What am I going to do with you?” “Love me.” Bryan pecked Julian’s cheek. “I do, my sweetness. I do.” Arriving home from work, Sarah checked her messages. Three frantic ones from Bryan and that didn’t include the two on her cell

phone. As she hung up her coat and kicked off her shoes she thought about it. She did promise him she would be there. It wasn’t right to let him down. After all, a promise was a promise. Then why did she feel bitter? Why did she deliberately not return the calls and reassure him. Why? Jealousy. Why should she help that fucker? What did he ever do for her? She grew angry with herself. Bryan was a very good friend. The kind that would be there if you needed him. He would do anything for her. Almost anything. He wouldn’t go to bed with her, kiss her, or hold her under the sheets. Should she resent him for that? She knew he was gay. Well, this was crunch time. What was it? Friend or foe? She picked up the phone and dialed. “Hello, Jon? You at work?” “Yes, but I have a minute, hang on.” She could hear a noisy restaurant kitchen the background. “What’s up?” “Bryan called me in a panic. He said that lady from the foster care place is coming by Thursday night at seven. You think I should go?” “I had no idea you were having second thoughts. Why the sudden change of heart? I thought you were in deep on this one.” Instantly she felt guilty. “I am, never mind.” “No…hang on a minute,” he said, “Let me guess. You’ve been trying to get into that bastard’s pants for years unsuccessfully and now that he’s screwing Ganymede it’s pissing you off.”

“Well, basically. Yes. It’s stupid, I know. I should just call him.” “No. Do you realize what will happen to you if you get caught lying for him? I can’t believe he talked you into it in the first place. You could go to jail. I’m sure lying on those forms is a crime. Didn’t you sign the bottom line, and didn’t it say all the above information is true to the best of your knowledge?” “Stop it, Jon, you’re scaring me.” “Well?” Sarah could hear someone screaming at Jon to get back to the kitchen. “Shit. Being a head chef bites. I can’t talk anymore.” “What should I do, Jon?” “Get out while you still can. Don’t go.” As Sarah hung up, she wondered if it was already too late. She did sign so many forms, maybe she was already deep into this. Bryan paced. “Sarah still hasn’t called you back?” Julian tried to get him to sit. “She’s doing it to spite me. She’s trying to get me nailed.” He wrung his hands nervously. After finding his keys he nodded to Julian, “Come on.” Julian grabbed his coat and handed Bryan his, taking the elevator to the garage. They rode in the Corvette to Sarah’s apartment. He parked out front and caught the curtain move in her window right before he walked up the front entrance. With Julian standing behind him on the stoop, Bryan buzzed number two-eleven. Nothing happened.

Grinding his jaw, he kept the button pressed. After what seemed like an absurd amount of time, he stepped back to shout up at the window. “Sarah Johnson! I know you’re in there! Stop avoiding me and talk to me!” Bryan caught Julian glancing around at a couple of curious gazes from pedestrians. “I hope someone doesn’t call the cops.” Bryan called to the window, “Sarah! Please! I’m begging you!” A resident was exiting the building. Bryan shoved by them and into the lobby as Julian tried to stay right behind him. Bryan raced up the staircase, two by two. Julian said, “If you piss her off worse, she’ll definitely not help us.” As if he were talking nonsense, Bryan glanced at him briefly, then stormed to the front of unit two-eleven and began pounding. “I know you’re in there! Sarah, open the door!” The door swung open. “All right! Christ. Shake the whole building down, why don’t you.” Infuriated with her, Bryan shoved passed her and stood in the middle of her tiny living room which was loaded with mismatched furniture and particleboard bookcases. “What the fuck are you doing to me?” he asked. “Nothing. I was busy, all right?” It was as if she just noticed Julian. Bryan spun around to appraise Julian, knowing he did not appear the same as when they had first met him months ago. With

new clothing, a shiny leather jacket, and his long blond locks, Bryan thought Julian appeared like a pin-up boy for a teen magazine. “Oh, holy shit.” Sarah’s jaw dropped. At her intense gaze, Julian went pale. “You’ve met him before, Sarah. Why are you acting like you haven’t?” “I have no idea what you did to him, but he looked nothing like that that day in the office up in Everett.” As if he was stripped bare, Julian hid from her leering behind Bryan’s back. Bryan crossed his arms over his chest. “So? Now that you see how adorable he is, are you backing out, or will you come through for me like you promised?” She stalked Julian until he was flat against a wall. “How old did you say you were?” “Jesus!” Julian tried to escape her by attempting to make himself a part of the wallpaper. Trying not to get violent, Bryan grabbed Sarah by the back of her collar and tugged her away from him. “Sarah, why are you behaving this way?” he asked, “You met him, you know his age. What the hell is going on?” “Somehow ‘little’ Julian doesn’t seem so little any longer.” She licked her top lip. “How do you do it, Bryan? Hm? How do you always manage to do it?” Bryan was about to break down into tears. At his wit’s end, he

drew out his wallet and handed her a wad of bills. “Here. Please. At least do it for money. Don’t turn on me. Why is everyone turning on me?” A single tear drop rolled down Bryan’s cheek. Julian grew enraged. He held Bryan tight, whispering in his ear, “We don’t need her help, Bryan, come on, let’s go.” When Sarah witnessed their embrace and Julian’s obvious attachment she reacted in shock. “Holy shit, you actually did it? You went out and found a boy and now he’s in love with you? I cannot believe my eyes. How did you pull it off, Bryan? What else can your money buy you? I waited my whole life for someone special. Someone to love me and protect me. Look at you. You purchased love!” “Shut up!” Julian snarled. “Can’t you see how much this hurts him? What did he ever do to you?” “Don’t you tell me to shut up!” Sarah sneered. “You should be kissing my feet in thanks, you little ingrate.” “Okay, that’s enough.” Bryan squeezed Julian and made him step back. “We didn’t come here for an argument. Will you help us?” Sarah stared down at the hand with the rolled up bills in it. “I don’t want your blood money. I never would take it like this from you, Bryan. Put it away. It’s an insult.” Bryan lowered his head and tucked the bills into his wallet. When he met her eyes he asked, “One last time, will you help us like you promised?” Bryan couldn’t believe the way she kept staring at Julian.

“No. I won’t help you,” her voice sounded drained and empty. “To hell with you.” Bryan tried not to feel all was lost. While they drove home, Julian spoke to him quietly, “We don’t need her. We can tell the social worker lady Sarah is out of town. No one is going to take me away. No one.” Bryan’s limbs were like lead. All his friends were betraying him. Why? What had he done to them? They all knew his plan. Almost six months ago he had sat with them and told them what he wanted to do. They were all aware of it. They had all remained friends then. What was happening to everyone? This was agony. Julian tried not to panic. Somehow this would work out. It had to. He and Bryan were meant to be together and no jealous friends would prevent it. Enduring the strained silence from Bryan, Julian came through the door of the condominium feeling spent. He stood back and observed Bryan as he made his way to the refrigerator and a beer. The cleaning lady had been there and Julian could smell the lemon-scented ammonia. Trying to be a good boy, he hung up his jacket instead of tossing it on a chair like Bryan had. He put Bryan’s away as well and then gazed at Bryan as he stood at the window, drinking the microbrew. “We can get by without her.”

Bryan shrugged tiredly, still staring out at the vehicle traffic on I5. “I’m not going anywhere. Even if they make me leave you, when I’m sixteen they have no choice any longer.” Hearing the last comment distinctly, Bryan spun around to face him. “That’s eight months from now,” Julian said. “April seventh.” Julian smiled at the fact that Bryan knew it. “Yes, April seventh. So, Bryan, even if the worst thing happens and they make me leave you, which they won’t,” he added quickly, “I’ll be free to come back to you in eight months. Then no one will be able to stop us.” The beer still in his fist, Bryan collapsed onto a chair heavily. “I wish it were that simple.” Julian sat on top of him and draped his arm around his shoulder. “It is.” “No, my love. They will find a way to keep us apart. I’ll most likely do some time in jail and a restraining order will be issued. Then, if for some reason, they suspect us of having sex with one another, I’ll be tried for statutory rape.” “What? Rape? You’re not forcing me.” Julian leaned back to gape at him. “No. It’s about age, not force,” Bryan said calmly, though Julian could tell he was churning up inside. “How will they know if we do it? I’m not telling anyone.”

“If we had anal sex they would find it in a physical examination. We can’t do that, Julian. No way.” Julian tried not to get upset. “No. Please don’t say that. I want to have sex with you. It’ll work out.” Julian pressed his lips to Bryan’s rough cheek. “They don’t want me back at the center. They need to get us out of there. It’s how the county scores brownie points. If they found out you hit me or starved me, maybe then they would have a reason. But when that lady comes here and sees how happy I am, she won’t take me away.” Julian ran his bottom lip over Bryan’s jaw. When Bryan didn’t react, Julian sat up and took the bottle of ale from him to sip. “Adding to the delinquency of a minor. Why not? What else can they throw at me?” Julian lowered the bottle from his lips. “Stop.” Bryan covered his face in both hands as he leaned his head back on the chair. Julian witnessed his pain with a breaking heart. “I love you, Bryan. No one will ever take that away from us.” Bryan reached out to him and embraced him. Julian tried not to hear the sob as it came out of Bryan’s muscular chest.

Chapter Six Thursday arrived and they made sure the house was straightened up, checking and rechecking the sinks, the toilets, dusting the shelves. It had to be spotless, flawless. When the phone rang Bryan could tell by the tone it was the intercom downstairs. He looked over at Julian who nodded, he was ready. Bryan answered it. “Yes, Ms. Lewis, I’ll buzz you in.” He hit the number seven on the phone and waited several seconds, then hung up. Pacing inside the condo, Bryan had gotten sick of waiting, wondering what was taking the social worker so long. He opened his unit door to go looking for her and felt pale as death to see Jon going into his effeminate act, leading Ms. Lewis down the hallway. “Oh, fuck…” He moaned. Sarah had obviously informed Jon of their appointment. “Bryan, dear! You have two visitors!” Jon lisped and winked. With his insides twisting in turmoil, Bryan tried desperately to hang onto control though he had a wonderful fantasy of punching Jon in the face, several times. “Yes. Ms. Lewis, come in. Um, Jon, would you mind coming back some other time? I’m kind of busy now.” “Oh? Do you mind, Ms. Lewis, if I listen in?” Jon fussed with his hair and collar like a drag queen. Ms. Lewis took a long suspicious look at Jon, then Bryan.

“I’d rather you didn’t.” Bryan placed his hand on Jon’s chest, keeping him back. “Oh, don’t be silly, Bryan.” Jon edged passed them both and searched the room, Bryan assumed, for Julian. The minute Julian spotted Jon, Bryan saw him go ghostly white. Bryan showed Ms. Lewis in and took her coat while Jon made a beeline for Julian. As Bryan hung the coat up in the closet he heard Jon say to Julian, “We meet again, Ganymede. If you want to stay with your lover you will do exactly as I say.” Grinding his jaw, Bryan couldn’t do anything about it. But he would. Oh, yes. He would. Julian tore his eyes away from Jon to meet Bryan’s with his obvious acute stress. “Leave us alone,” Julian whispered quickly and then went to meet with Ms. Lewis. “Julian! How are you, dear? This is a lovely home. Are you happy here?” She set her briefcase down and held his hand. “Yes. I love it here. I’ve never been happier.” He gave her a big smile. “Have a seat, Ms. Lewis.” Bryan gestured. “Can I get you some coffee?” “That’d be lovely.” She sat down and placed her case on her knees to open it. As Bryan walked to the kitchen, he grabbed Jon by his throat

and dragged him with him. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Bryan continued to choke Jon as he pinned him against the kitchen wall. “Let me go or I’ll spill it!” Jon warned. Bryan released him reluctantly and poured a cup of coffee from the pot. “Why are you doing this? It isn’t enough that you hate me and don’t want to come around? Now you have to ruin my life?” “I haven’t done anything, yet. Yet.” Jon added, “I want something from you, Tyler. And it ain’t money. You give me a piece of your ass or else.” “Blackmail? Are you insane? No! Get out of my house and leave me the fuck alone.” “Fine. I’ll tell Miss Yolanda Lewis something she’ll never forget.” “No! Wait.” Bryan held him back. “Okay, when she leaves we’ll negotiate.” “That’s more like it.” Jon smiled smugly. Bryan felt sick as he carried a tray with Ms. Lewis’ coffee, a creamer and sugar to the table in front of where she and Julian were sitting. As Bryan listened to their conversation, he kept getting glimpses of Jon grinning at him demonically. “Where is Ms. Johnson?” Ms. Lewis asked Julian. Before Bryan could answer, Julian said, “She…she’s visiting her sick mom in Spokane. She really wanted to be here to see you. She said she was sorry.”

“Oh, what a shame. Is her mother seriously ill?” Ms. Lewis picked up the mug of coffee and sipped it. Julian stuttered, “Uh, n-no. N-not too bad. She was just real worried and wanted to be with her.” He nodded, trying to convince. “Oh, I see.” Ms. Lewis set her cup down and removed paperwork from her briefcase. “So, tell me about your lessons.” “Ah, right…my lessons…” Julian gave Bryan a panicked look. “I’m in the process of finding him a good tutor while Sarah is out of town, as well as teaching him myself,” Bryan said, sitting down next to Julian as Jon made himself comfortable on the loveseat across from them. “I see, and you feel you’d rather learn these things here than in school?” “Yes, Ms. Lewis.” Julian bit his lip. “The schools are too violent. That’s what Bryan says. He’s very smart and I think I’ll learn better from him and Sarah, one on one.” Bryan noticed Ms. Lewis studying him and Jon curiously. As if something dawned on her suddenly, she searched the apartment with her eyes. “Uh, about my home schooling.” Julian seemed to sense something off by the way Ms. Lewis was eyeing the room. A bad case of dread came to Bryan. “Ms. Lewis? Do you have any questions for me?” Bryan dabbed at a drop of nervous sweat as it rolled down his temple. Jon became the silent sentinel and voyeur in this beastly meeting.

“Julian mentioned that Ms. Johnson was out of town visiting her sick mother.” “Yes, that’s right,” Bryan confirmed the lie. Ms. Lewis stood and inspected the area. “I’m surprised you don’t have a photo of Sarah and you together.” The blood drained from Bryan’s face. “Yes, I know. Sarah isn’t interested in having them displayed.” “No? How odd. I’d love to see one. Do you have a photo album?” Ms. Lewis moved closer to Bryan. “I have no idea where she keeps it.” Bryan shrugged. “Sorry. When she calls I’ll be sure to ask her.” “I’ve seen it.” Julian piped up. “She showed me the album on one of the first nights I was here. She looked really pretty in it.” The grin on Jon’s face at watching Bryan squirm was vile. Yet he said, “I’ve seen it too. I know Sarah, Ms. Lewis. She’s far from sentimental.” “I see.” Yolanda sat back down and lifted her notes. “How did you and Sarah meet?” Bryan knew she had all these answers from the previous contact he and Sarah made with the county. They had been questioned by so many panels, Bryan knew Ms. Lewis began to suspect something. And he also knew Sarah’s absence and Jon’s presence was the cause. This was simply bullshit to get him to admit something Bryan had no intention of admitting. “Sarah and I met in college. Over at the U-dub. Isn’t this all in

our file? I don’t understand why you haven’t been given that information.” “They really love each other, Ms. Lewis.” Julian’s attempt was valiant. “How nice.” Yolanda took one more sip of her coffee and then put her notes away, indicating an abrupt end to the interview. “Well, that’s all I need for today.” “I’ll get your coat.” Bryan walked to the closet with a heavy heart. Julian looked like a mess, rubbing his face and digging his fingers through his hair. Jon’s expression was a constant smirk which irked Bryan so much he was about to get violent. “Let Julian show me to the elevator.” She smiled politely at Bryan, taking her things. “Right. Thank you, Ms. Lewis.” He bowed his head in defeat. After an apprehensive glance back at Bryan, Julian walked Ms. Lewis out of the unit with his eyes lowered and a pout on his mouth. When they were well away from the condo’s door, at the elevator, she paused and made Julian look into her eyes. “Now, Julian, I want the truth from you.” Julian bit his lip and felt his skin get clammy. “There is no woman partner here, is there?”

“Yes! There is one. Sarah! She’s wonderful. She just had to go to her mom’s.” “Julian.” She sighed. “Please! Please don’t make me leave. I’m so happy here.” The tears fell from his eyes instantly. “He takes such good care of me. He means everything to me. Please! I’m begging you. If you make me leave I’ll kill myself!” “Shush now. We’ll have none of that. No one is making any decisions yet.” “Please! Please, let me to stay here. Bryan’s kind, he’s smart. He’s making a man out of me like no one can. You have to believe me.” “Is he touching you inappropriately?” Boldly Julian met her gaze and with every ounce of conviction he had he said, “No. He’s like my dad. Honest. Please, I will kill myself! I am not joking!” She inhaled a deep breath and glanced down the hallway, as if worrying about it. Julian grabbed her hand and squeezed it, the water like two flowing streams down his face. “I’ll tell you again. If you take me away from him I will kill myself. You have my word.” “And there is nothing going on between you? No hanky panky?” “No! He doesn’t touch me! No!” Julian started to wail, it was killing him.

Bryan stood at the door with his hand on the knob trying to prevent himself from going out and getting Julian. When he felt Jon’s breath on his neck, he snarled and spun around. “Get the fuck away from me.” “Now, now. We made a deal.” Jon moved closer and pressed Bryan against the closed door, pushing his hips into his. “Come on, lover. Kiss me like you mean it.” Bryan twisted away from him. “Fuck you.” Jon smoothed his hand down Bryan’s silky slacks. “Kiss me, come on,” he teased. “Why are you doing this to me? I love Julian. Can’t you leave me alone? Why can’t everyone leave us alone?” He moaned in anguish. “You love him?” Jon laughed cruelly, digging his hand through Bryan’s hair. “Don’t be an idiot. He’s a little boy. You’re just in love with his tight virgin ass. Now, I want you to kiss me. Properly.” Jon pressed against Bryan with all his strength, trapping him. He gripped Bryan’s jaw and turned it slowly to his own. “I have to report these things, Julian. What am I supposed to write in my report?” Ms. Lewis wiped at Julian’s tears. “Tell them the truth! That he’s good for me. That he’s teaching me things. That he’s taking care of me. Tell them that!” “Are you sure you feel safe here? Promise me you are telling me the truth and he hasn’t made any physical advances on you.” “Yes! I promise! He’s not interested in me that way. He just

wants a son. I am safe here. But I won’t be if you make me leave!” Julian felt like he needed to vomit he was so upset. She stared at him mercilessly. “All right, young man. But I will be checking on you often to see that you’re all right.” “Yes. Okay. Please, promise me now that you’ll let me stay. If I kill myself it’ll be on your conscience,” Julian warned, and he meant it. That appeared to make its mark on her. She pushed the elevator call button. “One month. I’ll be back to check on you in one month.” Her index finger extended to impress it upon him. “Okay.” Julian wiped at his eyes and stood back while the elevator doors opened and closed. “Why are you so stubborn?” Jon said. Bryan would not let Jon come anywhere near his lips. “Leave me alone.” Bryan turned his head aside. “I swear I’ll tie you up and rape you, you gorgeous asshole.” “Just leave me alone! I said no! Go ahead and blackmail me. She knows anyhow. I already lost him. What more can you do to me but give me fucking AIDS?” With all his might Bryan propelled Jon away and he went stumbling backwards. At that moment, Julian opened the door. When Bryan spotted his tear-stained face he collapsed inside. He wrapped both his arms around Julian and cried. “No.” Jon gasped. “Julian means this much to you already? Son of a

bitch, Bryan!” “Tell me what she said, Julian. Tell me.” Bryan attempted to control his own emotions and tried to help Julian with his. Julian glared up at Jon before he opened his mouth. Remembering him, Bryan spun around and instinctively put Julian behind him. “Time for you to go.” Bryan felt intense hatred from Jon as Jon met his gaze. Spinning to the door, Bryan opened it. “Please, don’t do anything more to us, Jon. Can’t you see it’s already a mess?” Jon glared at Julian’s watery gaze and appeared to struggle to hold back what he had on his mind. Right before he left, Jon said, “You’ll come crawling back, Bryan. Once they take Julian away from you and put him back in his cell. You’ll come crawling back.” As if he were physically punched, Bryan jerked away from the verbal assault and shut the door. He and Julian said nothing to each other for a moment until Bryan locked the door and faced him, ready for the worst. “She knows, Bryan,” he whispered hoarsely. “She knows there’s no woman around.” “What do you mean, she knows? Did you admit it?” Bryan was near hysteria. “I didn’t have to. Your friend Jon made it pretty obvious. Man, he’s a jerk.” Julian shook his head. Bryan held Julian’s hand and brought him to the kitchen. “Beer.” Julian read his mind.

“Okay, what’d she say? Exactly.” Bryan removed two iced mugs from the freezer and poured ale in them. “That she just wanted to know you weren’t being physical with me and that I was happy. And that she would check up on us in a month.” He handed Julian a mug. “That’s it? She didn’t say she was pulling you out of here?” Julian licked the foam off his lip. “I told her if she did I would kill myself. And I would.” Bryan stopped short at that admission. He studied Julian’s determined blue eyes carefully. “No. Please, Julian. Whatever happens here, never harm yourself. Promise me.” With silent resignation, Julian turned his face away. Bryan crouched down on the floor beside where he was sitting. “Please. I would rather harm come to me than anything happening to you. Don’t ever say those things, Julian.” Bryan shook Julian to make him look at him. “Julian.” It took some time before he raised his light eyes to Bryan’s gaze. But Julian never promised a thing.

Chapter Seven Sunday morning, Julian sat next to Bryan as he tapped away on his personal computer. One of the systems at work had crashed and Bryan was on the phone simultaneously as he ran through programs. With his feet tucked under him and his focus on Bryan, who seemed to be split between the conversation and the screen, Julian was amazed at how easy it was for Bryan to do both efficiently. Julian wanted to touch him. Ever since Thursday when Mrs. Lewis came by, Bryan had made Julian sleep in his own bedroom. It was lonely there even with Rabbit. It wasn’t what he wanted. But Bryan was trying to do what he thought was right. Julian figured Bryan assumed Ms. Lewis would document everything she suspected and either the phone would ring or the police would knock on the door. Yes, Bryan, it’s tough to make love with those thoughts in your head. Here it was, Sunday, and still they hadn’t so much as brushed against each other passing in the hallway. Julian stared at Bryan’s profile as he concentrated on that screen lit up before him; the tiny icons coming and going, java script racing across the gray surface. Even the language Bryan was speaking was foreign; Mega bytes? Roms? Uploading, downloading? It was all hieroglyphics to Julian. But he was determined to learn it. After all, look at the living this man made. A condominium worth a

quarter of a million dollars? A Corvette? No wonder everyone was after him. And even though Bryan was well off, he never flaunted it in anyone’s face. He was generous to a fault, and very humble. But most of all, Julian could not get enough of looking at him. Bryan’s handsome face. Julian was convinced he was the best looking man he had ever seen. And that included movie stars, like Rob Lowe and Richard Gere! If Julian behaved, if he never strayed or touched someone else, Bryan would be his, forever. If Ms. Lewis left him alone. If his idiot friends didn’t call the cops. If…if… Julian could have this man as his own, permanently. Bryan made it very clear he wanted nothing less than a monogamous one-on-one relationship. What a catch Bryan was. Julian felt like he had won the lottery. He was so grateful for that article in the Saturday paper, he could cry. It was perfect. If only it would last. “Yes…all right, Steve, I’ll come in. I thought I could do it from here, but obviously something more is down. Give me twenty minutes and whatever traffic I hit on 520.” Bryan ran his hands through his hair. “Right. On my way.” He hung up and closed down the computer. “You hafta go?” Julian leaned on his shoulder. “Yup. Just for a couple of hours. Something went wrong that I can’t fix from here.” Bryan exhaled and then smiled at Julian. “You’ll be okay here on your own?” “Yes. But I’ll miss you.” Julian pouted out his lower lip.

Bryan laughed softly. “I’ll miss you too, cutie.” Julian leapt on him and wrapped his arms around his neck, connecting to his lips. A surprised grunt came out of Bryan as he was shoved back onto the couch. With all the passion he could muster, Julian kissed him, loving his feel, his taste, and his scent, like a strong tonic drug. With a very delicate hand, Bryan gently moved him back, parting from his mouth. “Okay, baby, calm down,” he said sweetly. Having a hard time dealing with the yearning, it took Julian a while to hear Bryan. When he did he sat back to see into Bryan’s light green eyes. Bryan caressed Julian’s hair back from his forehead. “I’ll be back soon.” “When…when you come back,” Julian panted to catch his breath, “will we be able to?” “We’ll see. Okay, my baby? Maybe.” Bryan’s gentle smile softened the hesitancy of his words. Allowing Bryan to get up, Julian moved away from him on the couch, trying to calm himself down. As Bryan went about gathering the things he needed, Julian could not keep his eyes from Bryan, his every move. That wonderful muscular build covered in tight casual clothes; faded blue jeans and a denim shirt. When Bryan was about to open the front door, he leaned back first to say good-bye. Julian moved across the room to him and loved

the way Bryan’s eyes seemed to drink him in. Once they were chest to chest, Julian kissed him again. “I’ll be back soon. You know my cell phone number if you need anything.” Bryan pecked his lips before opening the door. “Right. I’ll see you later.” Julian folded his arms over his chest tightly. With one final smile, Bryan left him standing there. Alone. The sound of Bryan’s footfalls faded. Julian hurried to the window to see if he could spot him. With the mist of his breath steaming up the glass, Julian leaned his face against the window trying to catch sight of the Corvette exiting the lot. When it vanished, he sighed unhappily and checked the time. It was two in the afternoon. He turned on the television and flipped through channels mechanically. Nothing appealed to him so he shut it off. First he went to his own room and stood in it staring. It was perfectly neat and tidy. Again, nothing interested him in it. Wandering down the long hall, he stood at the threshold of Bryan’s room. If he inhaled deeply he could just catch the scent of his cologne. Stepping in slowly, as if he were entering a lion’s den or some other private vestibule he should be avoiding, Julian made note of everything on the walls and dressers. Another Warhol lithograph, the same size as the Mick Jagger print in the living room, was displayed. This one was of Jackie Kennedy as she wept in her black veil.

Julian leaned against the chest of drawers to read the signature and number assigned to it. Over the bed was yet another original. A photograph by Robert Mapplethorpe. A nude torso in black and white of a man showing no head, but large genitalia. Next Julian made for the small wooden box on the dresser. Holding it in his hands tightly, he opened it with great care. Inside were three pairs of inlaid gold cufflinks, a college ring, several twentytwo carat gold necklaces, and one diamond stud earring. Closing it again he set it back in its place. The closet was next for inspection. It was a large walk-in style. Here the cologne scent grew. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. Opening them slowly, he realized how many items there were. The number of suits and ties amazed him, all in perfect order on one side, Bryan’s pressed shirts on the other, his slacks making the third side, under which were his shoes. On the shelves were tennis and squash rackets, baseball caps and gloves, a few old trophies with little engraved bronze plaques on them from college and high school sports. It was like a microcosm of who Bryan Tyler was; the business man, the sportsman, the impromptu model. Touching the fabrics softly, Julian ran his hand down them like strings from a harp. He shut off the light and gazed with humility at the collection. His curiosity and boredom still present, Julian investigated the drawers next. Socks, briefs, t-shirts, shorts, bathing suit, all the things

one needs for any aspect of human life, folded in a manic-style order. Colors and sizes grouped together in perfect lines of neat little rows. A small book caught his eye. Just the edge of its back cover showed from under a perfectly folded polo shirt. He nudged back the cotton and lifted out a journal. Flipping through the pages in a fan like gesture, he was stunned to find Bryan had kept track of his thoughts on paper. Sitting on that satin bedspread he opened to a random page. It was a poem about a death from AIDS dated June 11, 1982. Under the poem was a name. Julian realized it was the name of a man who had died on the same date. On the lower right hand side of the page the ink had smeared as if a tear had hit it and caused the black color to bleed. The poem made Julian’s chest tighten from the agony it expressed. The death had hurt Bryan deeply. The more Julian read, the more upset he became. These were the words of someone who was in misery. Page after page, date after date, the journal contained almost five years of Bryan writing his thoughts down. And all those thoughts were of his personal pain and anguish, even echoes of suicide haunted them. It pushed Julian to tears. More than a few times he had to stop and regain himself before he could read again, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. The isolation and loneliness that Bryan had suffered were extremely obvious, that, coupled with grief. And too many names. Obituaries were taped onto some. Their ages horrified Julian as much as they had Bryan. He had even documented the discovery of HIV to

dates to the death toll in the US. ‘President Regan has not mentioned the word “AIDS” in public yet…’ ‘Number of known deaths in 1982 853…’ “Oh, no. Poor Bryan.” Julian scanned a few more pages. ‘1983 number of deaths, 2304’ ‘1984 number of deaths, 4251’ ‘1985- 5636.’ ‘I lost Aaron Shipland, Kelsey Whitehead, Vern Reddick…I love you guys, rest in peace.’ “Bryan, why did you torture yourself with all this information?” Julian felt his eyes burn from his tears. The dates and statistics continued throughout the journal. Celebrities who died, Rock Hudson, Gaetan Dugas… media announcements, including panic and fear of health workers, testing of blood products, Regan declaring AIDS as ‘public health enemy number one, April first.’ The ringing of the phone made him shout out in fear. With intense guilt, Julian hid the book and ran to see the caller ID that was on the kitchen counter. With his breath halting and a bead of sweat on his lip he read, ‘unknown caller’. Impulsively he picked it up, thinking it was Bryan. “Hello?” “Julian? It’s Sarah. Look, I’m downstairs. Can you buzz me in?” “What do you want?” he asked angrily. “To apologize. Please. Hit number seven and let me up.” Julian bit his lip and pressed the button, thinking of all the things he wanted to say to her. How could she hurt Bryan that way? Didn’t she know how much he suffered?

As quickly as he could Julian ran to the bathroom to check his face, then splashed it when it seemed tear-stained. When he heard her light rap on the door, he snarled and went to open it. She stepped in and looked around. “Where’s Bryan?” “He had to go into work for a few hours.” Julian closed the door behind her and tried not to openly glare at her. “On a Sunday? Oh, he is a workaholic all right.” She laughed to herself, taking off her jacket. “Well, what did you have to say?” Julian crossed his arms. “I wanted to tell Bryan.” She tossed her jacket on the chair. “Then leave.” Julian moved to the door again. Her lip curled slightly. “You’ve really grown up since I met you in that home. No longer the shy little boy who couldn’t look anyone in the eye.” It was obvious she was mocking him with her condescending tone and the sneer of her lip. Julian stormed over to her, very glad he was a few inches taller than she was. “Look, I want you to leave him alone. Do you have any idea the trouble you caused him? That lady from the foster care place knew something was wrong because you were not here and that asshole Jon showed up.” “I know Jon was here. He spent an hour on the phone telling me about it. You little shit. You think you’re in control around here? Don’t call Jon an asshole.” “Well, Jon made it clear to Ms. Lewis with his fucking exaggerated lisp and wiggle that he was gay. Bryan and I knew what

he was trying to do. It didn’t work. When will you both see that Bryan and I are meant to be together and nothing you can do can split us up?” The change in her expression intimidated Julian. “Nothing? Don’t be too sure, little boy. I’ll bet the Seattle police and Child Protective Services would be very interested in hearing that a twenty-four year old man is butt-fucking a fifteen year old boy.” With nausea rushing over him, Julian felt the blood drain from his face. “Don’t. Why would you ruin it for us? We love each other. Don’t fuck it up.” “Love each other?” She scoffed. “He doesn’t love you. He just wants you as his clean sex toy. You mean nothing to him.” It stung. Julian knew it was a lie, but it still hurt. “We aren’t even having sex. And for your information, Bryan told me he loves me.” She gave a nervous flick of her head as if to get the short bobbed hair out of her eyes. “Yeah, I’ll bet you haven’t had sex. Don’t lie to me. You think after waiting ten years for it, Bryan wouldn’t screw your brains out?” “Though it’s none of your fucking business, no, we haven’t had sex.” She studied him carefully as if he had to be lying. “So, the cops and CPS can’t do anything to us. Let them check my ass. He’s never screwed me.” “It won’t work, you know,” Sarah said, taking a casual stroll around the living room. “He’ll get tired of you or he’ll find out you

touched someone else and throw your little ass out.” “You’re so clueless.” She stopped short and glared at him. “You had better quit saying things like that to me. Don’t think I can’t make trouble for you.” “But, why?” he whined. “Why do you and Jon want us to fail so bad? Are you both that jealous?” Once again she made for him from across the room until they were nose to nose. “Yes. We both are. You’re the clueless one. You have no idea what history there is between Bryan, Jon and I. How long we have loved Bryan, begged him to allow us to get closer to him? We were there for him to cry with when all his friends were dying. We were the ones who filled his emptiness with a night out or an embrace. And then you come along? And in less than a month you act as if Bryan were all yours and we had nothing to do with him? Like we were both meaningless in his life and you were always there?” She rolled her eyes. “Well, it’s bullshit. Jon and I were the ones that got him through it. Through his thoughts of suicide and grief. Not you! What the hell are you but some street orphan who can’t even count, and you think you can play god and make him turn his back on his only true friends?” Julian couldn’t answer. He read that journal. He knew the pain Bryan had felt. Maybe it was those two people who had been there for him. Was she right? What was he but some ignorant loser. Bryan couldn’t really love him. It had to be the one void left. Sex. He had two adults in his life for love and companionship. The only thing missing was the physical part.

That’s where he fit in. Obviously seeing the tears fill his eyes, Sarah said, “There! You finally get it. Maybe you’re not so stupid after all. Do you see what you did now? How he has alienated two of his best friends simply because of you?” “Shut up!” He cried, turning away from her to hide his tears. “Why? Truth hurt? You’re his untainted sex toy. Get it? Nothing more. The sooner you get that reality into your head, the better.” Julian covered his ears. No, he meant more to Bryan than that. She was lying. “So, next time Jon or I come here and want something from Bryan, you step back and say, ‘Yes, sir, no, sir’. You got it?” When Julian looked at Sarah, the tears running down his cheeks, the pain like a fresh slice, she shut her mouth. “Oh, hell,” she breathed out tiredly. Julian wanted to make her repeat her claim, to clarify it for him. I mean nothing to Bryan? But the anguish in his chest was so brutal, Julian couldn’t form the words. Sarah embraced him, rocking him. Even though she had stabbed Julian several times in the chest, he let her console him. “All right. Stop crying.” A great painful wail came out of him. Unloved. He had always been unloved. And now that he had thought love had finally come, he was mistaken. It was lust, not love. “Shhh,” she whispered, kissing his forehead. “I’m sorry, Julian.

You haven’t done anything wrong. This is Bryan’s scheme.” She hugged him. “I saw you in your worn, tattered clothing in that dungeon of a place, all alone. I know how lonely you were. This is the only place you know other than that prison.” She rocked him, trying to calm him. “Okay, Julian, it’s okay. I didn’t mean it.” She stepped back from him to see his face. Julian could tell something strange passed over her. He felt vulnerable, too young to deal with this big mess, and struggled with whom to trust. Sarah’s lips met his. Julian widened his eyes in astonishment. He choked, pushing her back. She reached out for him as he escaped her, calling out to him, “Julian! Stop running away!” Leaning on his bed, his chest heaving, Julian heard her at his bedroom doorway. Once she came through it she stopped, staring at him. Very slowly, she began to lift her sweater over her head. “No! Are you crazy?” Julian shivered. “Go away!” In only her bra and slacks, she stalked Julian, dropping her sweater onto the carpeted floor. She reached behind her to unfasten her bra. “Oh, God. No. Sarah, go home!” Julian backed further into the room until he was pressed against his bathroom door. Her bra dropped to the floor and the sight of her breasts frightened him. “Oh, fuck! Put your stuff back on!” With a maniacal grin on her face, Sarah approached him,

opening her slacks. Julian rushed to get into his bathroom to lock himself in. Before he could manage to open the door Sarah was behind him, embracing him, kissing his hair and neck. “No! I said no! Get away from me before I hit you! Sarah, leave me alone!” Julian struggled not to touch her, not to look at her, not to feel those breasts rubbing against him. All he thought of was Bryan and his reaction if he were to find out. When Brian used his key in the door, he expected Julian to meet him at the sound of it. Before he tossed his jacket on a chair, he spotted another one already there. “Julian?” he called out and looked for him. A muffled voice reached his ears. Stepping up his pace, Bryan caught sight of something he could not believe he was witnessing. A half-naked Sarah was tearing at the clothing of his pure Julian. And Julian was begging for her to stop and shoving her away. “Jesus Christ!” Bryan gripped Sarah by one shoulder to wrench her back. “What the fuck are you doing?” She appeared so stunned to see him, Sarah didn’t answer. Julian moved away from her as quickly as he could, trying to get his clothing back together. “She’s insane, Bryan. I swear!” Picking up her clothing, Sarah laughed softly. “It was a joke, Bryan. Just a silly joke.” She dressed, fastening her bra. “A joke?” Bryan’s voice cracked from his rage. “You think I

don’t know what you were trying to do?” As if Bryan would get physical in anger, Julian backed away, shivering visibly. “You filthy bitch. You think you can get your claws on him so you can contaminate him? Is that it? So, I won’t want him anymore? Is that what you came here for?” He spun around to Julian. “Why did you let her in?” Though nothing verbal came out of his mouth, Julian shook his head in denial of any wrong doing. Sarah slipped her sweater on. “It was a joke. No harm done. Your precious pet wasn’t ‘contaminated’. And fuck you for inferring that I could give the brat something. You’re not the only human being without a fatal disease on the planet.” Julian flinched as Bryan raised his hand to slap her. It took everything Bryan had inside to lower that hand. “God, I hate you. Get out.” Sarah reacted as if she’d been stabbed. “You don’t mean that. Bryan, I told you I wasn’t serious. It was a silly prank.” “Get out before I do something I regret.” Bryan tried his best not to scream. He stepped back as Sarah passed while Julian shivered in convulsions. With her coat in hand, she faced Bryan. “You’ll cool down. You’ll see it wasn’t meant—” “Out.” Bryan opened the door. As she left, Sarah said, “I’ll call you.”

“No. Do not call me.” He slammed the door and stood still, trembling. Once Bryan had gotten his blood pressure under control, he inhaled a few deep breaths and turned to see Julian in the hall, his eyes wide and unseeing. Moving toward him, Bryan picked him into his arms and carried him to his bedroom. After he laid Julian down on his bed, Bryan kicked off his shoes and crawled over the spread to hold him. “I’m sorry, Bryan…I didn’t.” “I know.” Bryan squeezed him tighter. “You believe me?” Julian nuzzled into his soft denim shirt. “Yes.” “Do…do you love me?” he asked. “Yes, I do, Julian.” The tenseness and stress seemed to run out of Julian as if he were a balloon that had been punctured. Bryan met his lips and kissed him. Julian groaned and cupped his face in his palms. When he could, Julian said, “I would never let another soul touch me.” Bryan tried to smile. “I know, my baby.” They kissed softly for a long while, savoring each other. It amazed Julian that even just kissing like this could express so much love and passion; fully clothed, completely erect, and only kissing. Julian kept whispering to Bryan that he loved him, over and over. And every time Julian said it, Bryan kissed him more passionately.

After a half hour of delicious kisses, Julian wanted more, much more. He managed to unfasten all of the white buttons on Bryan’s denim shirt until it fell open. Bryan’s beautiful body appeared. Only a small patch of hair was on Bryan’s chest, a tiny triangle at his sternum. His swollen pectorals were hairless and taut. As they continued to kiss, Julian ran his palms over them, pinching Bryan’s tiny nipples into hardened bumps. Julian’s pants were damp from the foreplay and though he loved the gentle affection, he was going insane. He reached down Bryan’s stomach and into his faded blue jeans. Julian brushed against Brian’s large erection and felt a surge to his own cock that made him writhe on the bed. Bryan made a sensual sound, all the while keeping Julian’s lips occupied. Julian tried to work him in the tight quarters of his jeans, but all Julian could do was touch the hot skin of Bryan’s length with the tips of his fingers. Come on, Bryan. Let me. Let me, please! His conscience doing battle with his dick, Bryan was going mad. During those two hours he had spent at work, he had one thing on his mind. Julian. Coming back home to see that innocence, staring into his blue eyes. Nothing mattered to Bryan but this young man. It had taken forever to go through the process of fostering Julian and even though it had been a short while they had been living together, Bryan could not get him out of his head, not for a minute. Walking into Julian’s room earlier to find Julian fighting off Sarah, Bryan knew for sure where Julian’s heart and loyalties were. He had

no doubts any longer. This young man was his. Jarred out of his thoughts when Julian popped open his top jeans button, Bryan waited while they were unzipped. He stayed in the same position, leaning over Julian as Julian lay back on the bed, kissing him. Bryan felt his cock spring out of his clothing and began to have second thoughts. Is this wrong? This is wrong. I have to stop this. This can’t happen. What confused Bryan the most was Julian’s overture to him. Bryan hadn’t anticipated Julian was gay, or would be sexually assertive. On the contrary. He expected a shy, withdrawn, sexually challenged young man. But growing up around other young men may have opened Julian up to his own sexuality. If Bryan had a choice, he’d wait for Julian to grow up before he got involved physically with him. Hang on a minute. Bryan closed his eyes and remembered his own first sexual encounter. He was fourteen and shared mutual masturbation with a classmate on the soccer team at school. Shit. No. Yes. No. How am I supposed to stop this from happening? Say no when the two of us are willing? Say no. Say no. Bryan Tyler, Julian is not old enough and you must say No! You are not another fifteen year old kid! Say No! Julian had Bryan’s cock exposed. He wanted to see it. As politely as he could Julian tried to end the eternal kiss. Pecking Bryan a few times first, he then gazed downward. Bryan made a noise in his

throat. Julian glanced at his face and saw Bryan’s eyes closed and a look of agony. There was no way Julian could tell whether it was a response to being willing or unwilling to continue. So, Julian kept going. The skin of Bryan’s cock was smooth and silky, the head like a wonderful soft sponge and those balls were so large and heavy. “Oh, Bryan…” He wanted to taste it again. After an audible gulp, Bryan asked, “What is it, Julian?” “You have a beautiful cock.” “Look, Julian…” Bryan fumbled to tuck his dick back into his briefs. Julian knocked his hand aside. “Let me suck it.” His arms beginning to shake, Bryan rolled to his back with a bounce and cupped his hand over himself as if shielding it. “Julian. I thought when I took you into my home I wouldn’t let this happen. Can’t let this happen, until—” “Bryan.” “Nooo,” Bryan moaned, rocking his head side to side. “We can’t. We can’t.” Julian sat up. He took a good look Bryan, his open shirt, his bare chest, his open pants, his hand only covering the head of his dick, and then Julian looked at Bryan’s features; that remarkable full head of brown hair and those loving green eyes. The rush to Julian’s cock at just the sight of Bryan was amazing. “We can. Bryan, please. I am so hot. I’m already coming in my pants

over you.” Julian pulled off his shirt and opened his own jeans, taking himself out of his briefs, feeling how wet his pre-cum had made them. He fingered himself and was coated in stickiness as his slit oozed. “Oh, God.” Bryan watched every move Julian made. “We can’t. We can’t. I am too old for you. No. I know this seems right to you, but, Julian.” Bryan hissed a thin breath through his teeth. “I’m not a baby. You think this is the first time I’ve done things like this?” Julian shook his head and caressed Bryan’s torso. “We already did this once. What’s the big deal if we do it again?” Julian licked Bryan’s nipple. “That was a mistake.” Bryan’s breathing became raspy. “I knew it was wrong. I’m sorry, Julian.” “Sorry?” Julian nudged Bryan’s hand away from his cock and gave it a stroke for encouragement, then tugged at Bryan’s tight jeans to get them off. “No. No.” Bryan shook his head again in denial as Julian dragged his pants down his hips, baring Bryan’s lower half. With a strong yank, Julian managed to get Bryan’s jeans to his ankles, lying between his thighs to push his face against Bryan’s balls. When Julian looked up, he met Bryan’s eyes. No smile formed on Bryan’s mouth for reassurance. Julian inhaled Bryan’s scent and pressed his own cock into the bed. He was so pent up, he was about to come from the masculine aroma. Opening his mouth, Julian enveloped Bryan’s cock. Bryan groaned and tilted back his head into the soft pillows.

“Oh, Julian, my baby,” he crooned. Julian leaned up on his elbows to take him all in. With both his hands wrapped around the base of Bryan’s cock, Julian sucked hard and deep, squirming against the bed. He could feel Bryan’s whole body tense up. Even with intense guilt using him like a punching bag, Bryan could not stop the yearning to come. Julian sucked like a pro. It occurred to Bryan suddenly that Julian had no hesitation to suck him, nor revulsion to swallow him down. What the hell did they allow them to do in that place? “Ahhh.” Bryan arched his back as Julian massaged his balls and scrotum. Jesus! The kid knows so much! What am I insane? I’m not doing anything to coerce him. Ah! “Julian!” Bryan held back with everything he had. Shouldn’t he stop? Oh, my God, he gives unbelievable head! Before the blast, Bryan opened his eyes and watched Julian’s expression. Bliss. Julian was grinding his hips against the bed as he sucked, his expression was pure lust. “Fuck. Fuck.” Bryan could not hold back. And the devil on his shoulder made it impossible for him to stop this act. While it hit Bryan like a tidal wave of pleasure, Julian gulped him down hungrily, urging Bryan’s cock for more, aggressively milking it as he sucked like a vacuum. With his heart beating in his chest, Bryan opened his eyes again to see Julian kneeling up over him, ready to masturbate. “No, wait.

Julian, come here.” Bryan couldn’t catch his breath. Julian tilted his head in curiosity. His blond curls crushed against his right shoulder. “I need to come, Bryan. I mean, like bad. Is everything okay?” “Yes. Come here. You don’t have to do that alone. Come closer to me.” Bryan reached out his fingers. Julian crawled over the bedspread to him, still kneeling up. For the first time in a decade, Bryan allowed a cock into his mouth. “Oh, holy shit!” Julian choked in amazement. Simply the act of letting Julian’s cock into his mouth caused Julian to come. Bryan didn’t even use any of the little tricks he knew. Hesitating, trying to have some faith in Julian’s purity, though Julian’s sexual experience level was astonishing, Bryan swallowed. The look on Julian’s face was worth its weight in gold. “Oh my God!” “Are you okay?” “Holy shit!” Julian was still kneeling, touching himself, gaping at Bryan. When Julian dove on him, Bryan caught him in surprise. After Julian hugged him, he leaned up to smile. “I have never felt anything like it. Will you do that to me again?” “Hang on.” Bryan held up his hand. “How come you give it so good but you’re acting like this is your first time getting it?” A crimson blush made Julian’s cheeks blotchy.

“Julian?” Bryan caressed Julian’s face gently. “I did it once. To Peter at the care home. He never did it to me. No one did.” Bryan tried to digest the information. “But how—” “I always fantasized doing it again. I sometimes laid in bed, you know, jacking off to thinking about sucking a guy’s dick. But Peter only let me do it once. He liked palming.” Julian masturbated to show Bryan what he meant. “I never liked girls, Bryan.” Opening his mouth to reply, Bryan didn’t know what to say. Appearing shy to the extreme, Julian fingered himself and said, “When I met you and Sarah, I thought I’d keep that a secret forever. It was the reason I got kicked out of my first foster home. I had an ad cutout of a guy that I used to do myself with.” Julian glanced at Bryan for his reaction. “They walked in on me doing it while I stared at the man’s body.” Bryan was too stunned to give him a reply. “They pretty much got rid of me then. The family was like really into Jesus and shit. They said I was a sinner and would go to hell.” Julian sighed. “I wanted to do cool things with Peter, but he never let me do anything other than palming. I think he was scared and wasn’t really gay. He just couldn’t get away with it with the girls.” “Wow. I’m so sorry you went through all that.” Julian shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I mean. It’s me. Right? I’m just gay. I can’t help it, right?”

“Yes. It’s who you are.” Bryan ran his hand down Julian’s arm. “Does everyone know you’re gay, Bryan?” Julian made himself comfortable, sitting cross-legged. “Yes, everyone but the social workers at your old Snohomish county facility.” Bryan smiled sadly. “I had a feeling if I told them I was a single gay male, I’d never be considered as suitable.” Julian made a noise Bryan couldn’t interpret. “What?” Bryan asked. “Because you’d touch them?” A lump formed in Bryan’s throat. He climbed off the bed and pulled his pants up. “Bryan! Don’t get mad.” Bryan caught his reflection in the dresser mirror. This is no joke. I’m an idiot.

Chapter Eight Broadway Avenue was a mass of pedestrians and slow moving traffic. Sarah sat at a small table in a café and tried to keep hold of her coffee though the heat of it was scalding her right through the paper cup. She could see Jon had bumped into some acquaintances as she waited for him. Sarah had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach about what had happened at Bryan’s yesterday. It worsened even more at the sight of Jon smiling flirtatiously with two pretty boys. It irked her how easy it was for men to meet men. After a brief relationship she’d been single now for three years, hardly having a date. When she met Bryan in the Elliot Bay bookstore she never would have guessed he was gay. He seemed interested in her. They had the same taste in books and chose the same author, Mary Renault. Bryan was thumbing through The Charioteer while she read the jacket of The Last of the Wine. When she asked Bryan to join her for a cup of coffee, she was stunned he agreed. Men that looked like Bryan never gave her a second glance. She didn’t consider herself homely. No. But she wasn’t exactly a runway model either. Sitting there with a cup of coffee too hot to touch, and waiting for it to cool, Sarah self-consciously fussed with her hair. It was cropped short. It always had been, ever since high school.

It was very straight and fine and when it grew too long it looked stringy. She couldn’t stand it that way. So she had it cut like a bowl, longer on top, short underneath. It fit her. At least it did in her opinion. Teaching came easily for her. She was a no-nonsense kind of lady and the kids at Greenwood Elementary School seemed to like her. Now that she was thirty, she tried not to panic about men and babies. Seattle was a very hard town to meet someone of substance. Though the write-ups were positive, the hidden secret of Seattle was that the people were as cold as the rain. On first impression, she thought Bryan was different. Here was this absolutely gorgeous hunk, chatting with her very easily. She thought she had finally found ‘husband material’. During that conversation over the cup of coffee, they realized they had quite a lot in common. They were both sports minded, followed the Mariners devotedly, had gone to the University of Washington and knew some of the same teachers. When Bryan called her up to go out again, she was stunned. With her best skirt and top on she tried not to sweat, wondering what a kiss would be like from him. That kiss never came. Even though she tried to initiate it herself, Bryan somehow positioned himself in a way to avoid it. She wasn’t brave enough to actually ask him why he wouldn’t do it, petrified he’d flee. And men were so hard to find in this town of ice water. So, she disregarded it in favor of his companionship, which she had to admit, was growing. They went out often, never held hands, and he never flirted. As a goodbye she did get a warm hug on occasion.

After that last ‘formal date’—oh, so long ago—Bryan didn’t call her for a week, so she called him. He was in tears when he answered the phone. With shaking breaths, Bryan explained to her that one of his friends had passed away and he had to go to the funeral and was dreading it. Immediately she offered to support him. Gracefully, he accepted. In his black suit with a starched white shirt and black tie, he drove her to the funeral parlor on Capitol Hill in the pouring rain. Like a powerful slap in the face, the realization hit her. The mourners were almost entirely made up of young men, some very effeminate. In the casket lay a victim of AIDS, twenty-one years of age. Bryan Tyler was gay. It rocked her like fury at first. But Bryan hadn’t lied to her. He had never led her to believe they were headed to some sort of relationship. And, in truth, she had never directly asked anything of significance. So, was she to blame? At the funeral Bryan embraced another man, his cries growing to anguish. It was the first time Sarah had met his best friend, Jon Stubbs. Jon tried to comfort Bryan, rocking him and wiping his tears. Every death hit Bryan to his very core. When he calmed himself enough to behave rationally, Bryan brought Jon over to meet her. With her mind working on overdrive at the discovery of Bryan’s sexuality, Sarah shook Jon’s hand, wondering if he was Bryan’s boyfriend. Jon most certainly was the one Bryan kept close. Their

hands would clasp in a reassuring gesture, or Jon would rub Bryan’s back warmly, push his long, dark hair away from his eyes. She never witnessed them kissing, not even a peck on the cheek. When Bryan left Jon and her together to go view inside the casket, something Sarah knew brought Bryan extreme pain, she and Jon were able to get acquainted. They exchanged stories on how they each met Bryan, and of course, Jon assumed that she had always known Bryan was a homosexual, so she simply posed no threat at all. Previous to her discovery of Bryan being gay, Sarah had tried to get Bryan to initiate a physical relationship. She thought he just needed to go slow. Really slow. But with Bryan it was okay. He was filled with other admirable attributes. Sarah just became accustomed to their sexless dates. This information defeated her. What a waste of time! But in reality, she had kept her options open, and still had not met anyone else. Bryan was at least a male link, even if that link was purely friendship. And it was a very strong friendship. They adored each other. The day of the funeral, while Bryan made his tearful way back to them, Jon said to her, “That gorgeous fucker. I’d sell my soul to get my hands on him.” Well, that stunned her. Did that mean Jon was only a platonic friend to this man as well? The three of them went out for a glass of wine after the funeral. The whole story came out then. Finally Bryan revealed to her he had remained celibate for the last seven years, and had no intention of

touching a soul, not even casually. While Jon got drunk, his eyes rolling in frustration, Sarah’s jaw dropped. He touched no one? But the man was so attractive! He had people flirting with him constantly! It was really beyond belief to Sarah, but at least she didn’t feel like she had been treated any differently than any of his other friends. His behavior towards her felt more justified somehow. They were all equal, and in truth, all loved and cared for him, and by him, very much. Where Bryan lacked in giving with his hands and hips, his heart made up twofold. Sarah never paid for a meal, movie, or even a cup of coffee. Bryan insisted he pay. They would battle over it and he wouldn’t even hear of her opening her wallet. He always remembered her birthdays with large floral bouquets, and even that evening after the funeral, Bryan picked up the tab for Jon’s tremendous thirst in wine. At first it was mere curiosity that she and Jon exchanged phone numbers. Maybe they both wanted the inside scoop on Bryan, foolishly thinking the other had it. When they got together, the conversation was exclusively Bryan-oriented. She had to admit she liked Jon. Yet there was a very wicked side to him. He would tease Bryan mercilessly about being celibate. Almost cruelly at times. But Bryan, being so good-natured, never grew upset with him. Jon also continued that viciousness behind Bryan’s back. Sarah knew it was because he was so attracted to Bryan that the venom came out. She had been tempted to bad-mouth Bryan as well, for no other

reason than the fact that Bryan didn’t think anyone was AIDS free. It was insulting. If she asked Bryan if he wanted to taste what she had ordered at a restaurant, he’d always refuse. He never shared a glass with her. Jon admitted the same. The man was paranoia incarnate. Jon would soften up sometimes and admit he didn’t blame Bryan when week after week they were burying their peers. Then after a few too many drinks Jon would admit to her he may have had some high-risk encounters, but only once or twice, he’d add quickly. She and Jon shared their fantasies of Bryan together. Had they ever seen him totally naked? No, neither had. Jon even tried to get a glimpse of Bryan’s cock once at the gym, tormenting Bryan while he was in the shower, trying to pull open the stall door while Bryan shouted obscenities at Jon from behind it. When Bryan came to them with his plan—The Plan—the newspaper article crushed in his hand, his eyes lit on fire like he was some religious zealot, they thought he was crazy. Unfolding that piece of newsprint to reveal a very pretty, blond teenager, Bryan read the text to them through panting breaths. Wasn’t it perfect? Why hadn’t he thought of it before? He’d have a close companion to share his life with. He wouldn’t be alone any longer. Sarah only rolled her eyes in disbelief while the verbal pelting Bryan withstood from Jon would have shattered glass. Bryan was fixated on that young face. ‘Julian’ had been written boldly under it. And when Bryan whispered that name like a prayer, chills covered

Sarah’s skin. Then the pleading began. Everyday Bryan would beg her to be an accomplice in this madness. Every chance he got he bought her things, bribed her, was on his hands and knees before her, until she gave in. Jon couldn’t believe she did. It’s insanity! Don’t feed into his sick brain! Jon shouted at her, accusing her of complying with a lunatic. But deep inside, they both knew why they didn’t want Bryan to get his Julian. Because Julian would get their Bryan. Sarah did it simply because she thought once that little troubled teenage boy came into Bryan’s home, Julian would be a walking disaster area. Sarah imagined a total juvenile delinquent who would steal all of Bryan’s electronics to sell for drug money. Then the minute Bryan came out to Julian, Julian would gag in revulsion and call Bryan rude things. They may even come to blows, and Bryan would be kicking the little bastard out in a week, tearful his plan had failed. But no! The little ‘troubled’ teen ends up being gay! And not only does he like the right sex to meet Bryan’s needs, Julian is sweet and demure. Who could have guessed that? Only Bryan could have that kind of luck. The ‘plan’ worked for Bryan to perfection. If only he wasn’t burdened with two devious, jealous, ‘best’ friends. Bryan naïvely couldn’t understand why she and Jon weren’t happy for him. They knew Bryan had held back from touching anyone for a decade. Weren’t they pleased he had finally found someone he could be close to? Why weren’t they supportive?

Why were they trying to wreck what he had waited so long for, worked so hard to achieve? He assured them both that Julian would not stand in the way of their friendships. That, in fact, they would grow to love him too! Sarah thought Jon was going to throw up at that little tirade of Bryan’s. She read the look on Jon’s face, knowing what he was thinking. They were identical to her own thoughts. It was simply this; You bastard! You bastard! Now, no matter what, you will never touch either one of us! When Bryan was alone, celibate, both she and Jon imagined one day, one single day, Bryan would be horny enough, desperate enough, or drunk enough, to touch one of them the way they had yearned for him to touch them. Not now. Now he could get his rocks off with a beautiful blond nymph. Pure, untainted sex. Fuck you, you bastard! Sarah had to forcibly calm herself down. Jon was getting a peck goodbye on his cheek from a pretty cross-dresser. When he finally made it to her table, his own steaming cup in his hand, Jon apparently noticed her red face which was as hot as the latte. “What the hell’s the matter?” he asked, sitting with her. It brought her back to the present. With a loud breath, she let out some steam. “I went to Bryan’s yesterday.” “And?” Jon lifted the cup to sip but it was still too hot so he

drew it away from his mouth quickly. “Well, the little prick was alone there. I didn’t know Bry had gone into the office for an hour or so.” “You kick his ass?” he asked, obviously hoping. She let out a sharp laugh. “No. I tried to deflower the bastard. He fought me off.” Jon roared with laughter. “Oh, Sarah Johnson, I love you.” When he controlled himself he smiled. “It would have worked if you had. Bryan wouldn’t have touched him. I guess the little shit is truly gay. What were the odds?” “He caught me.” Jon raised his eyes over his cup. “What?” “Bryan came home and he caught me.” Setting his cup down again, Jon leaned over the tiny table. “What did he do?” “He went ballistic. What do you think? He knew exactly what I was trying to do. Taint his little pure package.” Concentrating on her words, Jon sat back as if to absorb it. Sarah’s anger vanished. “I feel like shit, Jon. I never should have done it. Now he won’t ever see me again or talk to me.” She rubbed her hand over her eyes, trying not to be too unreasonably upset. “He will. Give it a week. Bryan never stays mad at anyone.” Jon elevated his cup and blew on it. “I can imagine being the one forcing Julian to have sex.” He exhaled loudly. “The thought of that excites the shit out of me. But I know I’ll never have the opportunity. His

large, handsome bodyguard is never far off.” “Maybe we should just leave them alone. I mean, Bryan wasn’t going to give either of us what we wanted anyway. What’s the use of alienating him? I miss hanging out with him. I miss the three of going out all the time. I loved it.” “Blame little cupid for that.” He sneered. “No. I think if we fuck it up, he’ll have no choice but to come back to us and it’ll be like it was. He’ll be upset for a while, but he’ll come back around.” Sarah noticed something garner Jon’s attention. She spotted a man winking at him as he walked by. Jon waved in return. Sarah waited for the man to pass, then leaned over the table to say, “So? What are you going to do?” “Call CPS.” “You are?” she gasped, then lowered her voice. “And say what?” “That I have suspicions that Bryan and Julian are having sex. That should get the ball rolling. By the time they find out whether it’s true or not, Julian will be history. They’ll have to get him out of there during the investigation.” Sarah bit at her nail. “No, don’t. It’ll break Bryan’s heart.” “He’ll get over it. Hey, you want him back?” She did. After a moment of thinking she said, “What about me? What about what I did to help him?” “Say you were coerced. That he threatened you.” “Oh, shit. Now you’ll get him in jail.” She panicked. It was

getting too ugly. “You want to take the fall with him?” Jon was getting that look again. The one he got when he was drunk and an inner violence emerged. It was definitely frightening her a little. “Because he will fall. I’m sure he’s fucked that virgin ass. When they do an exam, that’s the end of that relationship. And who’ll be there to pick up the pieces?” “Jon, are you nuts? He’ll know it was us that tipped off the county. You think he’ll ever speak to us again?” “He’ll think it was that foster care lady. Just deny everything.” Jon was finally able to sip his coffee without burning his tongue, he gulped it down. Sarah’s stomach knot grew worse. “No, don’t. Think about it first.” Jon crushed the cardboard cup in his fist and stood. “I have. It’s all I’ve thought about ever since he got that brat. Do you have any idea how long I have waited for Bryan to love me? To finally believe I was clean and HIV free? Five fucking years. If you think I can sit back and watch him screwing happily with someone else. With a little, useless, brat. Think again.” In paranoia Sarah looked around the area, then approached Jon to calm him down. “I know he hurt you. He hurt me too. But all I’m asking is for you to just think first. Bryan could end up in jail.” A very evil grin spread across Jon’s mouth. “I know…and imagine the butt-fucking that goes on there. When he emerges he’ll be a new man.”

With her mouth agape she watched as Jon strut away, his black leather jacket swaying with his hips.

Chapter Nine Julian was up first again. Bryan had perfected the art of sleeping in and was slow to rouse. The clock read nine and as usual there was no sun to greet them. With his right hand, Julian touched his own hardness, smoothing over it, thinking about Bryan’s mouth. He could come at the mere thought. Bryan was facing away from him, his broad back rising gently. Julian lifted the covers to get a peek at his ass. A lovelier sight he could not imagine. Impishly, he inched closer and pushed the tip of his cock into that crease. Bryan jumped and Julian imagined his eyes springing open. “Um. Julian?” “Yes?” he asked comically, giggled and backed away, allowing Bryan to roll over and face him. “Sorry, it was right there. Uh…will we fuck eventually?” Bryan stared at him for a long moment. “And a good-morning to you too, Julian.” The blush rose in Julian’s cheeks. “Sorry. I just say what I think sometimes. I’ve never—I mean, I want to feel what it’s like. You know?” Bryan opened his arms to him and Julian cuddled against his chest. “I wish you were older, Julian. Isn’t it bad enough that we’re sucking and playing together?”

“No. It isn’t bad. Come on, Bryan. I’m not a little kid. Jesus. I’ll be emancipated by the state in a few months. Give me a break.” Julian hated the fact that Bryan was so afraid. “Seriously, Bryan. Would the act be truly horrible?” “Yes. I won’t screw you. No way. No matter how much you beg me for it.” It didn’t take a degree to know Bryan was beginning to obsess too much about it. Julian nudged him. “Stop.” “Stop what?” Bryan pushed Julian’s hair back from his face. “Stop tormenting yourself. You think too much. This is just between you and me.” “You’re smart enough to know it’s not. It’s about you me and the county foster care system,” Bryan said. “You have to understand if we have sex it’s a crime. You have to turn eighteen first, Julian.” “I know what you mean. I get it. But the authorities can’t check you, right?” A wry smile came to Bryan’s lips. “You’re saying you can do me.” “I’m not ‘saying’ it, but I am asking it.” Julian nuzzled closer, pushing his hard-on into Bryan’s leg. “Julian…” Bryan backed away. “Okay. But think about it. For me?” He kissed Bryan’s chest. “I’m really hard.” “I know, but let me up. I have to pee.” Bryan tapped him.

With a sigh of frustration, Julian released him. Bryan made it upright and scuffed to the bathroom. Julian laid back and stared at the ceiling light fixture. Why couldn’t he be older and all this be all right? It was so hard this way, so scary. I don’t get it. Why am I old enough to be emancipated and thrown onto the street and too young to have sex? Figure that one out. After he relived himself, Bryan brushed his teeth. He caught sight of his face in the mirror and paused, staring into his own light irises. After he rinsed his mouth he whispered, “You’ve already had oral sex. What’s the fucking difference?” Bryan began a battle with himself. Ten years. Ten years he’d been waiting. He promised himself he would keep waiting until Julian was old enough to— Old enough. Bryan’s eyes watered. “What have I done? Am I insane?” I’ve ruined this young man’s life, not improved it. I’m an idiot. Such an idiot. Caving in on himself, Bryan covered his face and nearly folded into a ball against the sink, struggling to keep his emotions in check. This idea he had—this lame-brain notion of finding a young man to share his life with—it didn’t work. Bryan peeked at his red-rimmed eyes. “To have sex with?” His lip trembled. “You know that was the plan, you pervert.” Hot tears

rolled down his cheeks. “But, not until he was eighteen.” He whimpered. Swiping at the tears with the backs of his hands, Bryan was so sickened by what he had done, he was nauseated. He had to give Julian up. That was the right thing to do. “Maybe turn myself in.” Visions of being on the sex-offender list haunted him as he watched the rivers of tears roll down his cheeks. “Bryan?” Bryan spun away from Julian and used a towel to wipe his face. “Go get dressed.” At the light caress of Julian’s hand on his low back, Bryan closed his eyes and tensed up. “Come back to bed.” “I can’t. We can’t.” Bryan inhaled deeply and folded the towel back on the rack. “Julian, I’m sorry. What I did, getting you here under false pretenses…” “Don’t even say it!” Julian gripped Bryan’s arm. Bryan forced himself to look at the mirror to see Julian. He wasn’t a boy at all. Julian was a young man. It was a game of numbers and the rule of law. The lump in Bryan’s throat was so powerful, he couldn’t swallow. “I don’t want to give you up, baby.” Julian wrenched Bryan around to hold him. He clung to Bryan’s body and buried his face in Bryan’s chest. The need to wail in agony returned. He kissed Julian’s blond hair and stroked its soft feathery texture. “I won’t go.”

Bryan held him closer, tighter, rocking him, catching glimpses of their naked torsos pressed together. “I had no idea this would happen so quick.” Bryan’s voice cracked. “I thought we’d have a couple of years to grow close. Then…” Julian leaned back in an abrupt movement and gaped at Bryan. “You think a guy who’s nearly sixteen doesn’t want to have sex? Are you insane?” “Yes. I know. But you should have sex with another sixteen year old. Not with—” Bryan couldn’t even say it. “You’re not sixty, Bryan. Give me a break!” Julian glared at him. “You’re only eight years old than me. Come on, Bryan. Isn’t what we do between us?” “No. I’m afraid it isn’t.” Bryan smiled sadly. “It’s between me and the Revised Code of Washington State. Statutory rape. Doesn’t that sound pretty, Julian? I’d be a registered sex offender.” Bryan felt Julian’s cock move so he began backing up. “You’re not going anywhere.” Julian held him firm. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry to have begun this whole mess.” Bryan quickly swiped at another rolling tear. “Sorry?” Julian sounded furious. “Sorry that when I turn sixteen the facility would throw me out? Sorry that because I don’t even have my high-school diploma I’d be selling myself on the street to eat? Sorry I’d be sleeping on man-hole covers to keep warm?” A choke of a sob escaped Bryan’s throat. “No. I’d never let that

happen.” “That’s what will happen. If you send me back, do you think there’s some other couple out there that wants a kid my age?” Bryan could see Julian was beginning to lose his battle with his emotions as well. His eyes reddened and grew watery. “No one wants teenagers. I got news for you.” Julian sniffled. “I stayed in that stupid care facility almost my whole life. I told you what happened when the foster care placement I had found out I was gay. What’s out there for me, Bryan? Huh?” Bryan tightened his grip on Julian and inhaled his hair, closing his eyes. “Nothing will happen to you.” “It will if you make me leave. I can’t do it. I love you so much.” On that last line, Julian’s voice cracked and he cried. “Baby…baby…” Bryan rocked him in his arms. “I’m lost. I don’t know what to do for the best.” He nuzzled into Julian’s hair. “If I had my way, I’d keep you. I’d care for you. Forever.” Julian pressed backwards to meet Bryan’s eyes. “Then? Do it, Bryan. Please. I will slit my wrists if someone drags me out of here. You think after meeting a man like you? Feeling your touch, your kiss? I’d ever be the same again?” “Shh. Not another word about suicide.” “Why? Because you had the same thoughts too?” That shocked Bryan. “Did Sarah tell you that?” “How many close friends did you lose to AIDS, Bryan? You don’t think I understand what motivated you to foster me? I may be

young but I’m not stupid.” “Oh, God.” Bryan tore out of Julian’s grasp and stumbled to the bed. His eyes were blind with his tears. “I’m a monster. I’m a pedophile.” “What?” Julian coughed in disbelief. “A monster? Because you were afraid of getting HIV? Where do you come up with this shit?” Bryan collapsed on the bed and tried to hide under the pillows. The heat of Julian’s skin made Bryan flinch. Kisses tickled his back in silky dots down his spine. “I’m not ten. You’re no pedophile.” A shiver of sensation rushed up Bryan’s body. “I wanted to wait. I wanted to wait.” Bryan’s words vanished with a loud breath of his exhale. When Julian’s kisses reached Bryan’s bottom, Bryan was about to say something to stop him. Then his cheeks were pulled open and Julian kissed his rim. Bryan’s eyes blinked wide and he held his breath, his body was so tense he ached. In the pause that followed, Bryan froze in place. A flick of a tongue touched his hole. Bryan’s body jerked involuntarily and he didn’t even know what to do or say. Oh my fucking God. Bryan heard Julian spit, then felt Julian’s finger massage his opening. “J…J…Julian?” Bryan had never experienced what Julian was doing to him before. The surge to his cock was immediate. Julian ignored him, pushing the tip of his finger inside and massaging the

hardening root of Bryan’s cock. Bryan spread his legs. He had no choice. His body took over. “You…you did stuff like this in…in…” “Nope. But me and Peter read a copy of a raunchy gay magazine we found in the park on an outing. Peter laughed at it. I made up fantasies and jerked off.” Another wet lick of Julian’s tongue made Bryan shiver. Ten years? I missed out on this for the last decade. And now a kid from a foster care facility is taking over? Dominating me? You’ve lost your mind, Bryan Tyler. Call the funny farm. Get out the straight jacket. “Let me fuck you.” “Oh, God, help me.” The throbbing of Bryan’s dick was driving him nuts. “Where are the condoms? Come on, Bryan. They won’t know it’s me who’s fucked you. It can’t prove anything.” Bryan felt Julian run the head of his cock up his crack. “Top dresser drawer.” Bryan bit the pillow on his guilt and terror at this coming act. Not looking, Bryan heard Julian spring off the bed and shuffle inside the bureau. The mattress dropped as Julian bounded back. “Please God,” Bryan whispered, “Tell me this is okay and I won’t go to hell.” “Shut up.” Julian laughed and slapped Bryan’s bottom playfully. The smack lit Bryan up. He finally looked over his shoulder to

see Julian opening the condom wrapper. “Who the hell are you? Are you sure you’re only fifteen?” “I’ll be sixteen April seventh. So be quiet.” Bryan waited as Julian put the condom on. “Get up on your knees.” “Jesus! Topped by you now? I thought I was the man. Boy did I get that wrong.” Julian spanked his ass again. Bryan’s cock jerked in response. He knelt up and stuck his ass in the air. “Holeeee shit!” Julian rubbed his palms over the globes of Bryan’s bottom. “I am about to become a real man.” Before Bryan could react, Julian stuck a finger loaded with lubrication inside Bryan’s bottom. Bryan almost came spontaneously. He began to gnaw the pillow. With his heart pounding in his throat, Julian scrambled to get inside. Julian knelt up behind him, grabbed Bryan by the hips and placed the head of his cock against that tight rim. Just the sight of Bryan’s position was about to make Julian climax. Gasping for air, Julian felt the head of his cock enter Bryan’s body. It was so tight, he had to still himself not to spurt. Julian knew it would take nothing. He had never penetrated anything, other than Bryan’s mouth once. This was unbelievable. Julian imagined he would pass out when he came inside Bryan. He pushed in slowly. Bryan groaned a deep throaty sound that sent the goose-bumps rising on Julian’s arms. As if Bryan had released his

tightly wound muscles, Julian suddenly was able to enter to the hilt. “Holy shit!” he yelled again. Another masculine moan emerged from Bryan, muffled by the pillows. Julian got a grip on Bryan’s hips and drove in. One thrust, two… Julian’s nuts began to churn. He couldn’t stop this locomotive climax if he wanted to. He howled in delight and sunk as deep as he could inside Bryan. Even though Julian’s mouth was open, only silent air came out. The feeling was so intense, Julian felt dizzy. His cock pulsated with strong muscle spasms and the pleasure whipped over him like a tsunami. Waiting as the aftershocks rocked his body, Julian collapsed over Bryan’s back to push in deeper. Bryan asked, “You all right, baby?” “O h, holeee-shit.” Julian was very reluctant to pull out. Disconnecting from Bryan, Julian stared down at himself and the full reservoir tip. He was still rock hard. Bryan rolled to his back with his knees bent. “You okay?” With a loud swallow, Julian met Bryan’s eyes. “I’ve never felt anything like it. Thank you, Bryan.” He struggled to get the condom off. “All right, come here, baby.” Bryan reached out to him help him, using tissues. Once they placed the crumpled pile on the nightstand, Julian climbed lazily into Bryan’s arms and collapsed on him. “I love you so much.” Julian moaned. “Love you. Love you. Love you.”

“I love you too.” Bryan kissed his hair. “No one’s taking me away from you.” Julian knotted his brow. “No one.” They lay intertwined for another half hour when Julian asked, “You never speak about your family.” Bryan shifted under him, his gaze in the direction of the print of Jackie Kennedy. “Not much to tell, really. Mom’s the only one who speaks to me. And that, infrequently. When they found out I was gay they dropped out of my life.” Julian sat up. “No.” “Yes. My sister lives in Oregon, is married and has a family. She’s never invites me down and never calls. My dad hates me. He threatened to disown me. My mom, like I said, feels guilty sometimes and calls. They only live right over in Bellevue, five minutes from my office, but they never invite me there, and make excuses when I invite them here. They’ve never even seen this place.” Aching at the information, Julian could not express his pain. “I’d rather be an orphan than have a family that did that to me.” “Maybe.” “Then it’s really just the two of us, isn’t it?” Julian settled back down on Bryan’s chest. “Yes, my baby. It is. I just hope I can keep it this way.” Julian bit his lip. “Me too.” A tear rolled down his cheek. “All right, enough of this depressing shit. Let’s get showered and

go play.” Bryan tried to rouse them. Julian waited as Bryan climbed out of bed. He watched Bryan walk by naked, then sighed and followed him into the shower.

Chapter Ten In the following weeks, Julian did things he had never done before. Nose to nose with a snow leopard at the Woodland Park Zoo! Hiking up Mt Baker. Seeing Orca whales in the San Juan Islands. Watching boats rise and fall at the Ballard Locks. Taking a ferry from Edmonds to Kingston. Julian felt as if he had found heaven. The experiences Julian had with Bryan he would never forget. Even though the sun refused to peek out from behind the dense clouds, Julian didn’t care. The damp drizzle somehow made everything richer, more sensory. October was around the corner and the leaves fell in the spinning winds on the pumpkin patches in Carnation. They had just finished eating a gourmet pizza that Bryan had made, complete with pesto and goat cheese. The VHS tape, Beverly Hills Cop, they had rented lay in wait, the mugs were in the freezer, chilling to perfection to hold their favorite local micro brew beer. The phone rang and Julian could now distinguish by the tone it was from the intercom in the lobby. He waited as Bryan picked up the extension, wondering when either Jon or Sarah would finally call Bryan. Julian knew Bryan hadn’t heard from in either of his ‘best’ friends in more than two weeks. “Hello?” Julian leaned on Bryan’s shoulder and could hear clearly the

voice on the other end. “Mr. Tyler? My name is Patricia Campbell. I’m with the Child Protective Services. May I come up and have a word with you?” Julian stared at Bryan’s expression carefully as the color drained from Bryan’s face. “Mr. Tyler?” “Yes?” “Would you mind if I came up to speak with you?” “Sure, uh, you mind if I ask what this is all about?” Bryan’s hands trembled visibly. “I can explain it better in person.” Julian could tell it was with extreme reluctance that Bryan pushed the door release buzzer. Why is Bryan letting her in? Maybe she just wants to check on me herself. See if I’m all right. Maybe Ms. Lewis called her to check on me, rather than come herself. But at the dreaded name Child Protective Services, Julian began to panic. He knew Bryan well enough to know his mind was going wild right now. “Bryan, why did you let her in?” “She’s from CPS. I had to.” Bryan ran his fingers through his hair. His hand was shaking so badly Julian began to panic. “Are we dead?” Julian felt as nauseated as Bryan looked. “Don’t worry.” Bryan patted his back, but it was a soulless gesture.

A moment passed and the predictable knock came. Julian was not prepared to see Ms. Campbell accompanied by two uniformed Seattle Police Officers. “What the heck?” Bryan asked, “What’s happening?” The moment Bryan opened the door, the cops entered the unit. Julian hid behind Bryan, shivering in his shoes. Bryan held up his hand. “Wait. Someone please tell me what’s going on.” “Sit down, Mr. Tyler,” Ms. Campbell said. “I’d rather stand, thank you. Please talk to me.” Julian squeezed Bryan’s waist, somehow trying to support him, peeking out from behind Bryan’s back in terror. Ms. Campbell opened her briefcase and removed a piece of paper. “I have a signed court order to remove Julian O’Connor from this residence until an investigation can be made into allegations of sexual misconduct and statutory rape.” “It’s a lie!” Julian cried. Julian heard Bryan’s loud nervous swallow. “Who…who made these allegations?” “I don’t have that information. I only have a signed order to remove Julian until these allegations are either cleared or confirmed.” “I’m not going anywhere!” Julian replied, “I live here! He’s my best friend. He never touched me. You can’t make us do anything!” Julian clung to Bryan with icy hands.

“Julian. Shhh, it’s okay,” Bryan said. One of the cops headed down the hall towards his bedroom. “Where are you going?” Bryan asked. “Does he have a warrant?” The other cop held Bryan back. “He’s just making sure no one else is in here. It’s an officer safety issue.” “He could have asked. No one else is here. Do you have a search warrant?” “We’re not searching anything, Mr. Tyler.” When the officer returned he said, “Clear,” to his partner. Ms. Campbell handed Bryan the court order. He took it but couldn’t even look at it he was so frazzled. Realizing Julian was suffering acute fear, Bryan had no idea what to do. He either needed to let go of Julian or call a lawyer. The only problem was at the moment he needed to throw up. Julian yelled from behind him, “I’m not going!” “Where…where are you taking him, while…while this is being investigated?” Bryan’s heart was breaking. Ms. Campbell bit her lip. “He’ll be safe. We’ll place him in a temporary home.” “And…and I won’t know where he is….and can’t contact him?” Bryan felt the water fill his eyes. “Well, just for now. Until we get it all worked out.” She answered everything as Bryan expected she would. With bullshit.

Julian’s grip was so tight on Bryan’s hips it was painful. Julian sobbed, “No! It’s all a lie! You won’t get me out of here without a fight!” “What…what do I do to get him back?” Bryan could not think. “I suggest you get a lawyer, Mr. Tyler,” she said, “He may be able to help you.” “Right.” Bryan stared at the court order, but it was meaningless lines of print. “Pack a bag, Julian,” one of the officers said. “Fuck you!” Julian sneered. “I told you I’m not leaving!” The tears had begun to flow down Julian’s cheeks. “Julian, please. We’ll work it out.” Bryan was afraid to even touch him in front of these people, though all he wanted to do was embrace him. “No! No! They can’t make me!” The larger of the two cops came forward. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way.” “No, wait.” Bryan tried to intervene. “Can I talk to him privately?” The officers peered at each other. “Not really. We don’t want to leave you alone. There may be a firearm in the house.” “Please. I can calm him down.” Bryan was near tears himself. “I’m not going!” Julian roared. “We can give them a minute,” Ms. Campbell said.

“No, we can’t,” the cop corrected. Bryan gave up talking in private. He spun around and faced Julian. “Okay, let’s be strong. We know this is just a pack of lies, Julian, so it’ll be only a matter of time before they let you back.” “I’m not going!” Julian wailed. “Please. Julian, they’ll take you by force. I don’t want to see you hurt. Just go for now and let me contact a lawyer—” “I’m not going!” Julian thundered at the top of his lungs. “I’ve been told what to do my whole life! I’ve been pushed from one home to another. This is where I want to live. I’m old enough to decide for myself. And I’m not moving!” Both cops took a step forward. Bryan cringed and came between them and Julian. “Julian, please. We can’t win today, but let me get us some help. Please! For me!” “NO!” Julian shoved by them and tried to run. The cops anticipated it and cut Julian off, grabbing him. “Oh, fuck! Leave him alone!” Bryan raced over to stop the escalating violence. When one of the cops pointed a can of mace at Bryan, he stopped in his tracks. “Back up!” he was ordered. Bryan stood helplessly as they handcuffed Julian, who was wailing in agony. At one point Bryan had to turn away and cover his face, unable to watch. He kept begging Julian to stop resisting. When Julian was

lifted off his feet, still fighting and screaming as he was carried out of the condo, Bryan almost fell to his knees from the agony. Ms. Campbell looked slightly sick. As if she were dreading this was a mistake. “I hope you know that what you’re doing is a horrible injustice to that boy.” Bryan ground his jaw. “Mr. Tyler, let’s pack some of Julian’s things.” Numbly, Bryan walked to Julian’s room. Somehow he managed to get a bag packed with Julian’s essentials. Last minute Bryan remembered the stuffed rabbit. He tucked him inside a bag and insisted on going down with Ms. Campbell for one last look at Julian. What Bryan saw was unbelievable. Julian was in the back of the patrol car, the screen between the passenger and driver’s seat was up and Julian was kicking and thrashing inside. The cops were attending their own scrapes and cuts they had endured in the process. “Oh, my God.” Bryan could not believe it had come to this. When Julian spotted him, he stopped going wild for a single moment. They met eyes and both cried. “My baby,” Bryan said before he could stop it. Ms. Campbell said, “If it’s all lies, he’ll be back with you, Mr. Tyler. Have some faith.” “But look at the damage you’ve done to him. Do you know he swore to me he would kill himself if he was taken from me. I know him. He will.”

“We’ll look after him.” Bryan handed her the bag and moved to touch the glass window Julian was behind. One of the officers prevented him. “It’ll just stir him up, sir.” “Do you have a son?” Bryan asked. “Yes, I do.” “Then you should know how this feels.” “I’m sorry, sir. It’s the judge’s decision. Not ours.” The officer nudged Bryan back on the sidewalk and climbed into the patrol car. Before the car door closed, Bryan heard one cop say to the other, “That freak had a photo of a guy’s cock on his wall in the bedroom. Fucking pedophile.” Ms. Campbell left by herself in an unmarked sedan. As if a black hole were closing up over him, Bryan closed his eyes and wept. He stood alone on the sidewalk until both cars had vanished from his sight. It was his worst nightmare come true. He scuffed his way up to the condo and opened the phone book. “Hello, I wonder if you could help me. I need a lawyer’s assistance immediately.” Julian was driven to the Department of Social Health and Services in Everett. He was so angry he couldn’t speak any longer. The officers dragged him out of the back of the car and he rode the elevator to the third floor. A warning was given to Julian before the handcuffs were removed.

He said nothing. They were unhooked and he was free to brood. Ms. Campbell entered the room shortly after he did, with his bag and she and Julian went into the back room, leaving the police to return to their jobs. “Sit down, Julian.” With a thrust of his shoe, Julian kicked the chair back from the table and sat down, arms crossed. “I want to ask you some questions. And your answers may help Mr. Tyler.” With his eyes turned away from her, Julian had to listen to a battery of questions that were purely interrogational. He flat out denied all the charges. “Fuck you! Here! Check my ass!” Julian pulled his jeans down and mooned her. “All right, Julian,” she replied with a huff. “Your attitude isn’t helping matters.” “My attitude? You tear me out of the only home I’ve known, where I was happy and safe, where I had someone to teach me and love me, and you complain about my attitude? You are one fucked up lady!” “Julian, stop. Now pull your pants up and sit back down.” He did as he was told and sulked. “If you don’t let me back there, I’ll kill myself. You think I’m kidding, but I’m not. I’ve got nothing! Nothing but Bryan! So, go ahead and keep us apart. When I’m dead I’ll haunt your ass.” “Please. No one is going to harm themselves over this. We just

need to get through it.” “I’ll tell you who did this to him!” Julian pointed a warning finger into her face. “He’s got two jealous friends. Two idiots that don’t want to see Bryan happy. That’s why they did it. When you find it’s all lies, do you get them? Do you put them in jail?” “Why don’t his two friends want to see him happy, Julian?” “Because they love him! They love him and he loves me. Are you dumb?” “How does he love you?” “Like a son, you stupid bitch! Don’t you listen to a fucking thing I say?” “Watch your mouth, young man,” she warned. “Watch my mouth? You drag me from my foster father’s house like a criminal and expect me not to be upset? I’m suicidal now, you stupid bitch. I want to die!” He rose up and slammed his head into the wall. Ms. Campbell gasped and grabbed Julian, shouting through the door for help. Julian kept pounding his head, hard, against the wall until another employee came in to stop him. The second employee called for an ambulance and asked for restraints. “Yes, so you see what I need to do, Mr. Pinder.” Bryan dragged his hands through his hair, his eyes overflowing with tears as he struggled not to cry.

“I do, Mr. Tyler. Do you know if the county prosecutor can come up with any proof?” “No, there’s no proof, just accusations. You have to understand Jon and Sarah. They’re just angry I’m not hanging around with them, having chosen fatherhood and Julian.” “Yet you said Sarah Johnson assisted in your attaining Julian by posing as your female partner.” “Yes, I lied on the documents. I did. I didn’t think they’d allow a single gay male to have a foster child. But Mr. Pinder, that’s my only crime, I assure you. I know Julian. He will try and harm himself. If he does, I will die. Please, can you help me?” Julian was tied to the stretcher and taken to Stevens Hospital where he was injected with a sedative to calm him. The ambulance drivers had to fight to get him on the cot and restrained. From beating his head against the wall, Julian had split open his forehead and needed stitches. As the emergency crew wheeled Julian into the hospital ward, his clothing covered in spattered blood, Julian’s chest was heaving and he was crying for Bryan in agony. “I want to go home! I want Bryan! You have no right to keep me here!” “Tomorrow at eight. Right. I’ll be at your office.” “I’ll do everything I can for you.” “Yes. Thanks for that. See you then.” Bryan hung up the phone and felt empty. The condo was as lonely as the surface of the moon.

Lowering his head into his hands he burst into tears, moaning, “My baby…my baby…” Sarah and Jon stood in front of the lobby door of Bryan’s condominium. “You think he’s okay in there?” Sarah asked. “No, isn’t that why we’re here? To pick up the pieces and tell him it wasn’t us?” Jon hesitated before buzzing. “How were we supposed to know about it then?” “You got a call from that foster care lady. Think for a change, Sarah. Geez, he’s bound to assume it was us.” Jon straightened his jacket. “You got the booze?” Sarah held up the bottle and nodded. “All right. Here we go.” Everything looked like a blur to Julian. He shook his head to clear it, but it didn’t help. Someone was trying to stitch up his head and held him still. “Let me die, let me die.” “Shhh, all right.” A woman doctor tried to finish stitching his wound. “It won’t matter. I’ll do it again.” With all his might Julian strained at the restraints. The doctor whispered over her shoulder, “Get more EDPS into this patient, please.”

“You can’t keep me on dope forever. You’ll have to let me become sane eventually. And that’s when I got you.” Julian laughed satanically. “That’s when I got you!” Bryan heard the phone/buzzer and reluctantly raised his head from his arms. He didn’t want to see anyone. It persisted and it occurred to him that Julian might have gotten away and run back home. With those thoughts in his head, Bryan rushed to the phone and lifted it anxiously, “Hello?” “It’s us, let us in,” Jon said. “You fucking bastard! You have the nerve to show yourself here? After what you just did to us?” “We knew you would think it was us. It wasn’t. It was that foster care lady. Sarah got a call. Let us in.” For a second, Bryan wondered if it was true. He hit the buzzer and wiped at his eyes. It had to be Ms. Lewis. Julian admitted things to her. Jon and Sarah would never stoop that low. But wasn’t it Jon’s fault that Ms. Lewis suspected him in the first place? Bryan opened his door and then stepped back, waiting. Jon peered in sheepishly, as if expecting the one-two punch. “You all right?” “No. I’m not all right. What the hell did you bring her for?” Bryan pointed at Sarah. “You know what she did to Julian?” “She’s sorry. Hey, the kid’s adorable and she lost her head.” Jon elbowed Bryan to back up. “Look, we’re here to help you. So,

calm down and remember who your friends are.” Sarah snuck by Bryan’s snarl to the kitchen. When she returned she had a bottle of whiskey and a glass. She opened it and poured. “Friends?” Bryan choked. “With friends like you two, I don’t need fucking enemies.” “Shh, calm down.” Jon gripped Bryan by both shoulders. “You know I don’t even know where he is?” Bryan cried. “I don’t know if he’s alive or dead. He threatened to kill himself. He will. I know him.” “All right, Bry, all right.” Jon embraced Bryan tightly, groaning as he rocked him. “He won’t hurt himself. He’s fine. All this will pass and you guys will get together again.” Bryan felt Jon nestle his face into his neck, hearing him inhale deeply. At the warmth of the hug, Bryan’s tears renewed. “Why is this happening? We weren’t hurting anyone. He was happy here. I was happy. What did we do to deserve this?” “Nothing. You’ll be okay.” Jon signaled to Sarah to give Bryan the glass of whiskey. When she did Jon backed up and urged Bryan to drink it. “And you should have seen Julian with the cops.” Bryan hiccupped and took the glass in shaking fingers. “He fought them. They had to handcuff the poor kid.” Sarah covered her mouth, shaking her head at Jon. Bryan caught Jon slant his eyes at her as if to warn her. The sensation of suspicion grew in Bryan.

“Drink up, Bry.” Jon pushed the glass towards Bryan’s mouth. Obediently, Bryan shot it down. Jon took it and handed it to Sarah for a refill. “Sit down. You need to relax. I’m telling you it’ll all work out for the best. You have two people here who love you dearly and want to help you.” As if all the energy had evaporated from Bryan, he collapsed on the couch as Sarah handed him another full shot glass. “Do you? I have my doubts, Jon. You both made it clear you were unhappy that I had found him and that it was actually working out. Why should I believe you now?” Jon sat next to Bryan and put his arm around his shoulders, handing him the second shot. “Because we feel bad. Okay? We were a little jealous as you can imagine. I mean, look at it from our point of view, Bry. We both have loved you madly for years, and you won’t touch us…right?” After Bryan shot down the second glass of booze, he nodded. Jon handed Sarah the empty again and she refilled it. “So, how do you think we both felt when you went with him? It hurt us. Can you understand?” “I know, Jonnie, but we’ve been all through this before.” Bryan closed his eyes and tried not to cry in frustration. Jon handed him the shot glass. “Bry, no matter how many times you tell us you think we’re contaminated and you can’t touch us, it hurts. I have even provided

you with a doctor’s note. You still don’t believe it.” “I know. I am very paranoid. You know that.” The shot glass was urged up to his mouth by Jon. “We do know. And we want you to know we’re both clean of that virus and want to touch you, very badly. I’ve wanted to for at least five years, and our Sarah here, for, what? Three?” She nodded, the bottle at her side as she stood behind the couch. “So, my lovely thing, you have succeeded in sexually tormenting both of your dearest friends.” Jon touched Bryan’s cheek lightly. “I didn’t mean to.” Bryan lowered the shot glass and Jon nudged it up to him again to drink it. Bryan did and when he handed it off he said, “No more.” Jon gestured for Sarah to fill it. “You should have seen the way they dragged him out of here. It was a nightmare I will never get over.” Bryan tried not to cry again as he rubbed his eyes. “What do you see in a little boy, Bry?” Jon moved closer so his and Bryan’s knees touched. “You have so much in common with us.” “Julian is really all right. I mean, he has a long way to go in his education, but he’s incredible. He’s a lot of fun. You should see the way his eyes light up when we do things. He’s been so sheltered.” “Uh huh.” Jon smoothed his hand up Bryan’s thigh and nuzzled into his hair. “Tell us about it.” Sarah set the bottle down and handed Jon the refilled glass.

Beginning to feel dull from the alcohol, Bryan watched her move closer, feeling her dig her fingers into his hair. “One more, Bry, to ease your pain. Here, take your medicine.” Jon tried to get another shot into him. “No, I haven’t eaten and it’s gone right to my head as it is. I need to think straight. I can’t think.” “One more won’t do you any harm. Go on. Listen to Jonnie.” He waved it under Bryan’s nose. “One more, that’s it.” Bryan took it and threw it down his throat. “Okay, let’s get you to bed. It’s late.” Jon stood and hauled Bryan up to his feet. Bryan was hit with the strong alcohol when he was brought upright. With an arm around his waist, Jon dragged Bryan into his bedroom. “Down you go.” Jon plopped Bryan onto the mattress and started undressing him. Bryan rubbed his face to wake up. “No, I’m all right.” “Don’t be stubborn. I’m here to help you forget that little brat,” Jon said the last half under his breath. Bryan’s shoes and socks were removed, his shirt was unbuttoned as Sarah stood watching, biting her fingernail. Jon unzipped Bryan’s jeans and tugged, hard. Bryan leaned up on his elbow, feeling progressively groggier. “What are you doing? I’m all right.” “Just giving you a little helping hand. Raise your hips for me, will

you, gorgeous?” “Jon, you’re being silly. I can undress myself. I’m not an invalid.” Bryan held up his hand. “I know you’re not. You’re just under some stress and your best buddies want to take care of you.” Jon peeled off Bryan’s shirt and pants until Bryan was down to his briefs. Sarah moved closer. Bryan wondered if it was to make sure she had a good view. “What are you doing? Let me sleep.” “That’ a boy. It’s late, time for bed.” Jon dipped his fingers into Bryan’s elastic waistband. A wave of dizziness washed over Bryan. He laid his head back waiting for it to pass. At that moment Jon tugged downwards, hard and fast. With the briefs in his hand like a flag, he smiled and waved them at Sarah. “Oh!” she gasped. Through heavy eyelids, Bryan noticed they both leaned over the bed to get a peek at him. “Look at that cock. He’s a fucking god,” Jon said out of the side of his mouth. “And all that, wasted on some little friggin’ brat.” Jon dropped the briefs to the floor. “Well, not anymore.” With a smirking grin he dove on Bryan and took his cock in his mouth. Bryan gasped and sat up instantly. “No way! Jon. Back off.” Bryan pushed Jon aside and staggered off the bed. While Sarah and Jon stared at him, Bryan tried to keep his wits about him, growing intoxicated, and leaning against his dresser for

support. “Please leave,” Bryan said. Jon stalked him hungrily. “We know you don’t mean it. Look, the brat’s gone and we’re all you’ve got before you get carted off to jail. Don’t you want one last fling before they lock you up?” “Jon,” Sarah said, “Maybe we should go.” “Go?” Jon spun around to her. “You stupid cow. We finally have him where we want him. Naked and defenseless. Go? Are you insane? You think you’ll ever get an opportunity like this again?” Bryan started to feel the fourth shot of whiskey like a blow to the head. “Come on, lover. Come to your true love.” “No, Jon, I’m not that bad that I’ll let you near me. Now get out!” Bryan pointed to the door. “Jon, come on. Let’s go,” Sarah said. Jon yelled, “With your help I can tie him up. Sarah, think of what he’s done to us. Don’t you want to see him fucked, like he’s been fucking that little nymph?” “You mean rape him? Oh, come on, Jon, get your brain out of your dick and back into your head and let’s leave him alone.” “You think you can rape me, Jon?” Bryan raised his head slowly, squinting in what was beginning to feel like pain. “Try it, you mother fucker and I’ll kill you.” “All right!” Sarah moved between them and shoved Jon back. “I said, game’s over!” “I knew I never should have brought you.” Jon pointed at her

accusingly. “All you women are weak when it counts.” “Weak? You mean sensible? You’re behaving like an animal. Let’s go!” In a quick movement, Jon heaved Sarah aside and grabbed Bryan. When they landed on the bed and started wrestling with each other she panicked, trying to get them apart. Battling with very uncooperative limbs, Bryan tried to keep Jon at bay and off of him. Jon was trying to pin him down, all the while opening his pants to get his dick out when and if the opportunity presented itself. Sarah started screaming for Jon to stop. Jon snarled into Bryan’s face as they struggled. “I have HIV, you motherfucker, and when I’m done with you, so will you!” Bryan had no idea if it was just said as a threat or not, but he didn’t want to find out. He fought with everything he had to keep Jon away from him. “Fuck!” Sarah started pounding her fists into Jon’s back. When that didn’t work, she ran out of the room. “I’m calling the police!” Feeling sick to his stomach, Bryan was underneath Jon, benchpressing Jon’s weight off him. They were swearing at each other in an act of intensifying violence. “Get off me, you fucking asshole!” “No, you cock-sucker! I’ve waited long enough! I’m not waiting any longer!” Bryan ground his jaw and felt his arms shaking and his

intoxication making him weak. A streak of blue color passed the corner of Bryan’s eye. A pair of powerful cops ripped Jon off of Bryan, and held onto him as a third one knelt next to Bryan near the bed. Bryan panted to catch his breath, sweat pouring out of him. Jon was removed forcefully from the room as Bryan was helped to sit up. Sarah handed Bryan his clothing and he struggled for a moment to just be able to breathe normally. “Jon tried to rape him and give him AIDS,” she said, “He told me he was just coming here to give Bryan a hard time about his foster child, Julian. Honest, officers, I had no idea Jon would do that.” “You all right, sir?” the police officer asked Bryan. “No! I’m not fucking all right! That bastard scratched the shit out of me.” The cop opened packets disinfectant wipes and started searching Bryan for cuts, wiping them down. “Do you want me to call for a medic unit?” “No.” Bryan took the wipe from the cop and used it on the cuts he could see. His breathing and heart rate slowing down finally, Bryan noticed Sarah leave the room. He heard her confronting Jon. “Are you insane? You didn’t have to do that to him! You told me you were just going to tease him a little. Not this! Do you really have HIV, Jon?” “No, you stupid bitch! I told you I didn’t. I just said it to piss him off.” Jon yelled, “Let go of me, you stupid cop!”

Bryan cringed. The one officer said to the other two, “Arrest him. I’ve heard enough.” To confront Jon, Bryan emerged from the bedroom wearing his jeans. When they cuffed Jon, Jon went berserk. Bryan said, “Good, now you know what you put poor Julian through.” Jon’s hatred seething, he spat at Bryan before he was dragged out. Sarah appeared to be in shock. “I’ve never seen Jon act that way before.” “Are you and the suspect having a relationship?” the police officer asked Bryan. “No, we’re not.” Bryan frowned. “Does he live here?” “No. Why are you asking me this?” Bryan couldn’t think straight. “To see if it qualifies as a domestic violence arrest,” the officer explained. “It doesn’t. He’s a friend, that’s all. No, I should clarify that. He was a friend. Not anymore.” Bryan glared at Sarah. “You both suck for what you did to me.” “Are you drunk, sir?” The officer obviously caught whiff of Bryan’s breath.

“Yes. I’m wasted. They gave me four shots of whiskey.” He growled, reaching for the chair to steady himself. “I thought it was to calm me down.” Bryan again stared at Sarah, who cringed at the truth. “Why would they need to calm you down?” Bryan noticed the officer ready to write in his little pad. Bryan shut his mouth. “No reason. Is there anything else? I’ve had enough.” When asked, Bryan refused to give a statement. He had no intention of pressing charges against Jon. He just wanted everyone to leave him alone. When the cops left, Sarah said, “Jon doesn’t have AIDS. He just said it to piss you off.” “And it worked. I don’t believe him, Sarah. He’s changed. I suspect he’s doing coke again. Look at him. He’s completely out of control.” Bryan checked his cuts again and shook his head. “Was he the one who called CPS?” She looked him in the eye and said, “Yes.” Bryan almost punched a wall. “I knew it. That fucking two-faced bastard! Do you have any idea what he has put Julian through? That boy will kill himself if he is left alone for even a minute! And I don’t know where the fuck he is!” Sarah started to cry. “I’m so sorry, Bryan. We fucked up. I’m so sorry.” Bryan covered his mouth. “I’m going to be sick, Sarah.” “Okay. Come on. I’ll help you.”

With Sarah’s hand on his arm, Bryan was led to the bathroom where he rid himself of the whiskey.

Chapter Eleven Julian awoke he was in a different hospital, yet he was still strapped to the bed. Wrenching at the leather buckles on his wrists and ankles, he strained to get free. The minute he started moving, a King County guard noticed him and stepped closer. “Don’t even think about it.” Glaring at him with hatred, Julian restrained the urge to argue with him and voice his vulgar thoughts. A nurse approached Julian with a tray of food. “Get that away from me! I have no intention of eating.” Julian turned his face away. “Fine. You’ll eat this then.” She set the tray aside and went for an intravenous needle to connect a tube to him. With an air of superiority, she poked Julian making him scream in pain. “Eating would have hurt less,” she said. “Fuck you!” Julian growled. “Fuck all of you! Leave me alone! Leave me the fuck alone! Where’s Bryan? I need Bryan!” Clenching his teeth, Julian arched his back and flailed with what little space he could in his confinement, up and down on the hard cot. As if protecting the nurse, the guard stood near her as she hooked up the intravenous bag. “I’ve given him more sedatives. It’ll quiet him down.” She walked away without a backward glance.

Swearing at her as she left, Julian would not stay silent. He kept up a steady stream of angry yelling and cursing until a young woman came into the room, pulling the sheeted curtain around them for privacy. She slid a stool next to his bed and stared at him. Beaded in perspiration and panting from all the effort, he glared at her with intense hatred. “Get the fuck away from me.” “My name is Lisa Reed, Julian. I’m the staff psychologist.” “You think I give a shit who you are? I’ll only give a crap if you can you get me home.” “Maybe I can.” Suspicious, spent and loaded with sedatives, Julian was trying not to give up the fight. He stared at her, studying her. “I don’t trust anyone. Why should I trust you? You all want to see me unhappy, alone, or dead.” “No, you’re very wrong, Julian. We want the opposite.” “Then get me home to my foster dad. Now!” When she hesitated to answer, he said, “You can’t. Right? Then get the fuck away from me and find someone who can.” “Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Mr. Pinder.” “Call me Elliot, please.” Bryan shook the attractive man’s hand and then sat down across from his desk. “Do you know where Julian is? Have you contacted CPS?” Bryan asked, trying not to wring his hands anxiously.

“Yes. I have their report and the officer’s report, as well as the statement from Jon Stubbs that was given to the judge who signed the order.” Elliot opened his folder and started sorting through it. “Where is Julian? Can I ask?” Bryan tried to read the paperwork upside down. Elliot sighed, his eyes showing his trepidation. “Is he dead?” Bryan couldn’t think of what else it could be, judging by the look on Elliot’s face. “No. No, he’s not dead. He was originally taken to Steven’s Hospital, but now he’s in Harborview’s psych ward.” “Oh, God,” Bryan moaned. “He tried to kill himself. How? How bad is he? How did he do it? Oh, no.” “He has stitches in his head from banging it against a wall. That’s it. But they’re holding him for forty-eight hours of observation.” Elliot inhaled deeply. “Bryan, you need to come clean with me. I have to know what’s going on to be able to help you.” In agony, his rational mind lost once again, Bryan was still trying to get over the news that Julian was in the hospital with a head injury. “Bryan.” Elliot attempted to get his attention. He met his gaze. “I’m sorry. What was it you asked me?” Elliot sat back with a sigh. Bryan fretted nervously, terrified of telling anyone the truth. “Are you calm enough to talk to me?” “Forgive me. I just can’t seem to get through all of this. I just

don’t understand why it’s happening. We weren’t bothering anyone. We were happy.” “Were you making love to him?” Like someone had ripped out his tongue, Bryan stopped talking and stared into Elliot’s pleasant features. His hair was cropped short, his clean-shaven jaw had clenched as he waited for his response. “No.” On his elbows, Elliot leaned over the folder to get closer to him. “I will remind you, Bryan, this is all privileged conversation. No information will escape this office.” Elliot said, “Do you want to reconsider that answer? Are you telling me you and Julian were like a father and son? Is that the truth?” What did this man expect him to do? Admit any of this? “Yes. It’s the truth. It was just the lies of a jealous—” “Lover?” Bryan winced. “No. Jon and I never had a physical relationship. He wanted one. I didn’t.” “I see. So Mr. Stubbs thought you and Julian were having sex and that’s why he did this to you.” “Yes.” Now the lies were starting to actually sting. “And these forms here.” Elliot produced the foster care paperwork that Bryan and Sarah had signed. Bryan shivered as he recognized them. “I…I told you. Those were lies. Sarah Johnson is a friend, not a live-in partner. She did me a favor. You know I never would have gotten Julian any other way.”

“Why did it have to be Julian? Would you have taken any other foster child?” The sweat had started to drip down Bryan’s armpits from under his suit jacket and starched shirt. “He was featured in an article. I just thought he’d be right for me. I mean,” he corrected quickly, “Right for a foster child. He didn’t seem too messed up and I thought I could handle him.” Bryan had a feeling his anxiety was obvious and that Elliot knew he was lying. “Is Julian attractive?” Darting his eyes away from Elliot’s highly perceptive gaze, Bryan dragged his fingers through his hair nervously. “Bryan? Is he?” “He’s attractive, yes. But, that’s not why—” “Is Julian gay?” That stunned Bryan. He caught Elliot’s eyes for a moment, then turned away from their intelligent stare. “Level with me. It’s the only way I can help you.” Breaking down from the pain and stress, Bryan covered his face and burst into tears. In a foggy drug-induced haze, Julian listened to the psychologist tell him she would be back later that afternoon. Even high on sedatives, Julian could tell Ms. Reed was using

devious twists and turns to get him to spill what he and Bryan did together. It was so blatantly obvious to Julian, he simply closed his eyes and ignored her. When he wouldn’t even look at her anymore Ms. Reed carried on a one-sided monologue about doing what was best for him and making sure he felt safe and sound. Julian knew it was bullshit; a way for the county to wash their hands of him if he did anything to himself. This woman could say she had done everything she could to save him. It made Julian so angry he was burning hot. It’s really fucking simple . You want to make me happy? Fine! Send me home! It was useless, this stupid game. He wasn’t going to play it. Only a fool would believe a word said to him. Julian trusted one man. Bryan Tyler. Noon came, Julian was offered food and once again refused it, tilting his head into the pillows to try and hide his face. He felt so lost he cried. With all his heart and soul, he cried. After Bryan unloaded the whole story to Elliot, who never scribbled a note or interrupted him, Bryan bit his lip. “So, there it is. Go ahead and lock the pedophile up.” “You’re not a pedophile.” Elliot sighed and leaned over the desk. “I understand why you did it. It’s a very scary world out there, Bryan.” “Scarier now.” Bryan shivered. “Help me. You have no idea what Julian will do to himself. That boy’s death will be on everyone’s head, Elliot. Most of all, mine.”

“I’ll help you the best I can. As far as I can tell, all they have is hearsay and innuendo. You say you’ve never penetrated Julian, so there is no physical evidence.” “No, never. He’s too young. I didn’t want any physical relationship to even start. I never intended it to be this way. You have to believe me. It just happened. I had no idea Julian would be so eager for a relationship with me. It astounded me. There was no way for me to know his sexual preference.” Bryan rubbed his coarse jaw. “At times I felt as if I was the novice and he was the expert. I swear. I did not initiate a thing with Julian. But I forgot the hormone raging teens. He’s going through some very strong surges in his manhood, and he’s very hungry for sex.” “I remember myself at that age.” Elliot scrubbed at his eyes. “I was fifteen when I lost my virginity. And it was with a man in his twenties.” He smiled sadly at the irony. “It’s very common, but unfortunately the letter of law states it’s illegal. So we have to abide by the revised code of Washington.” He said, “There is no proof here, Bryan. Nothing witnessed, no forensics, the whole case is riding on a statement of a jealous friend.” Bryan wanted to kill Jon for this. “Let me go talk to the prosecutor and get back to you.” Elliot folded the file up and opened his briefcase. “I hope you’re right. But will they let Julian come back to live with me?” Bryan rose to his feet, feeling completely drained. “That’s the result we’re looking for. Look, Bryan, Julian is willing to end his life if he doesn’t return to you.” Elliot smiled. “How badly

could you have been treating him? The young man was obviously very happy with the situation.” A spark of hope flickered through Bryan. “Thank you for all you’re doing, Elliot. I know some people would peg me for a sicko, but you’ve been very kind to not show your disgust.” “I’m not disgusted, Bryan. I understand precisely what the circumstances are. I’m not your judge. I’m your lawyer. So, I get it.” With a loud exhaled breath, Bryan said, “I think sometimes I do have some luck. I lucked out finding you.” “Thank you. Now have a little faith in me.” “I do. Thank you, Elliot.” He reached out his hand. Bryan was trying to look all business as he entered Harborview hospital’s main entrance. In his sharp business suit and wire framed glasses, he stepped up to the desk with what he hoped appeared authority. “Yes, hello. My name is Elliot Pinder, and I’m representing the case involving Julian O’Connor. I need to speak with him.” He handed her one of Elliot’s business cards. “Hang on, Mr. Pinder. Let me check my roster.” The receptionist flipped through clipboard of paper. “He’s in room threeoh-two in the psych ward. You just go down that hall, through those doors to the elevator, then, third floor, make a right straight down that corridor and look at the numbers over the doors. If you get lost there’s a nurse’s station there to help you.” “Thank you.” Bryan took the business card back and walked off

with all the convoluted direction information in his muddled head. He kept up the ruse to get to Julian’s room before someone caught on. To Bryan’s chagrin a King County guard was in the area. The guard leaned against the desk by the nurses, flirting and drinking his coffee. Bryan checked the numbers over one of the rooms and was about to enter Julian’s. “Hold on!” Bryan froze. “That room is restricted,” the guard said. Standing tall, his mouth set in a grim line, Bryan produced Elliot’s card. “I’m handling Mr. O’Connor’s commitment case. I’ll only be a moment.” “Oh, uh, sure. I suppose it’s all right. He’s been sleeping most of the day. They keep him drugged up.” “Can you leave us just for a minute? It’s client/attorney privileged information and it can’t be shared.” “I can’t really leave completely. The kid gets crazy.” The guard twirled his finger near his head in an insulting gesture. “Right. I understand. What about if you stand outside the door where you can hear me call if I need you.” The guard nodded in agreement. Bryan was hoping the real Elliot Pinder would not show up at the hospital. Not yet anyway, until the staff had changed. He tiptoed his way around the curtain to the bed.

There was his beautiful Julian, sleeping, with a gauze bandage on his head and a dripping tube in his arm. It nearly killed Bryan seeing him this way. With one last peek behind him, Bryan moved to Julian’s bedside and tried to hold his hand from under the restraints tied to his wrists. At the touch, Julian’s eyes opened immediately. When the look of recognition washed over Julian, Bryan covered his mouth to prevent him from saying his name. Bryan crouched down when Julian’s eyes crinkled in a smile. He lowered his hand and took another glance at the doorway. “Sh, baby…I can only stay a minute. They think I’m our lawyer, so don’t blow it. Call me Mr. Pinder, you got it?” Julian nodded quickly. “How are you, my baby? What did you do to yourself?” Bryan touched the gauze lightly. “I hit my head. It’s nothing. What’s going on, Bryan—oops, Mr. Pinder. What are they going to do?” “I don’t know. My lawyer seems to think it’s just a bunch of accusations and hearsay. That they don’t have a case. It was Jon that did it.” Julian’s face knotted up. “Gee, that’s a surprise.” “I know. I think he’s into drugs again. He’s been acting like a madman.” Bryan petted Julian’s hand gently. “What’s with the tube? They giving you pain killers?” “No, I…I’m not eating.”

“Julian. Stop it. You keep healthy for me, you hear me? When I get you back I want you whole.” Julian’s expression brightened up. “Seeing you has made my day. Believe me. If you tell me I’ll be coming home, I’ll eat and take care of myself.” With painful longing and affection, Bryan combed Julian’s hair back from his forehead over the gauze patch. “Yes. I don’t know when, but you know we’ll be together.” “How can you be so sure?” Julian tilted his head. “What about the fake paperwork from the foster care place?” Trying to make his face a mask, Bryan didn’t want to think about it. “Well, we’ll just let the lawyer handle it. Okay? How many stitches did you get? You silly putz.” “I don’t know. I haven’t seen it and I haven’t asked.” “Why are you all tied up?” Julian pouted out his lower lip. Bryan heard a noise. He spun around to see the guard taking a peek in. Realizing Julian was about to yell at him, Bryan said, “One more minute, sorry.” The guard nodded and backed out. “Julian, tell me why you are restrained.” “Because I went ballistic. What do you think?” Julian tugged at the bonds. “I want you to stop. Behave like you’re an angel from now on, please. I think it will only keep us apart longer if they think you’re

unstable and need to be in here. They’ll think you’re too much for me to handle and I’ll never get you back.” “I didn’t think of it that way.” Julian tried to get his hand free. “I can’t even scratch my nose.” “You have an itchy nose?” Bryan grinned at him. “A little.” “Where?” “Right side.” Bryan rubbed it for him. “Thanks.” Julian smiled sweetly. “I miss you,” he whispered, his lips quivering. “Me too, baby. I have to go before they get wise to me.” “Don’t go. Wait, Bry-uh, Mr. Pinder….wait.” Bryan leaned over him and smiled sweetly. “If we both behave and are patient, we’ll get what we need. Promise me, you will not hurt yourself again. Please.” “Okay, if you say we’ll be together faster, then I won’t.” “Good boy.” Bryan caressed his cheek. “I have to go, cutie, but I’m so much better for seeing you.” “Me too, Mr. Pinder. Thanks for coming. I’ll be out soon, right?” “Yes. You will. You just be patient and don’t do anything to yourself. All right?” “Bryan?” Julian whispered very softly.

“Yes, Julian?” Bryan leaned over to him again. “I love you.” “I love you too.” Bryan caressed his hair. Throwing a kiss at Julian, Bryan kept looking back at him sadly as he left. When Bryan emerged the guard was there waiting. “I think Julian said he was hungry for lunch,” Bryan told him. “Really? I’m surprised. He’s been on a sort of hunger strike.” “Go ask him. I think he may eat now.” “Did you say the magic words?” The guard laughed. Bryan paused before answering, then grinned to himself. “Yes, I think I may have.” Elliot Pinder laid out his argument before the District Attorney. “You have nothing. One jealous friend who makes up a horrific story and you think you have a case?” “I know, Elliot, but these CPS cases are so fucking tricky. If I let that kid go back and he’s molested, everyone’s in trouble.” “Carl, the boy is a few months from sixteen. When Julian turns sixteen, he’ll be released onto the street and no longer a ward of the state. What the hell difference does it make? He’s not ten. He’s this close to being emancipated.” Elliot made a gap between his index finger and thumb. Elliot kept going, “Oh, and have you seen this one? There was a care worker who visited Julian last month. A Ms. Yolanda Lewis. She gave her report to the county. Did you read it?” Elliot pointed to the paperwork as he placed it on Carl’s desk.

“Satisfactory, all the way down. And she even wrote in the notes, ‘Julian seems to be thriving in this positive environment.’ And that’s a quote.” “What about Tyler’s lying on the foster care paperwork?” Carl waved copies of it in Elliot’s face. “Do you know this town, Carl? I’ll take this case to a jury trial, not a bench trial. I’ll make damn sure they know how homophobic the foster care system is and how unfair it would have been to Mr. Tyler if he had gone alone to get a child. If you don’t think the jury wouldn’t understand why he perjured himself, think again. Bottom line, Carl? Julian is happy with Bryan and he was doing very well.” Elliot stood tall. “I will put Julian on the stand. When he begs to be allowed back with Bryan, what do you think the verdict will be?” Elliot leaned on Carl’s desk with both his hands to speak quietly. “One other problem for your office, Carl. If you think you have trouble now, wait until Julian harms himself again, or worse, kills himself, and the headline comes out that you separating Julian from his foster dad is what made him commit suicide.” Carl visibly shuddered. “Either way I lose.” Someone came into Carl’s office and handed Carl a report. “What’s this?” Carl asked him. “This just crossed my desk,” the young man said, “I read the name. Isn’t that your defendant?” As Elliot waited, Carl scanned the copy of the police report. “Oh, fuck.”

“What?” Elliot tried to get behind him to lean over his shoulder. “Read this.” Carl handed Elliot the report. Elliot read it carefully, then laughed. “Your witness and complainant attempted to rape my client? Oh, good luck in court with that one, Carl.” “All right, stop laughing. I’ll see if a judge will dismiss it.” “Don’t go to a judge. Dispose of it here.” Elliot handed him back the report. “My client shouldn’t have any aspersions cast on his character from this suspect.” Carl read the paperwork again. Elliot sensed he was reluctant to do it. He sat down on a chair that was in front of the desk and leaned closer to Carl. “What’s stopping you?” “What if he and the kid are doing something? I’m just not sure.” Elliot took a quick peek behind him. “I know they aren’t, but if they were? Are they harming anyone? It’s mutual consent, Carl. The boy is only a two years from being a consenting adult. And think about the poor young man. He’s an orphan, all alone, no family, in foster care his whole life. Julian finally feels he has a home. And I met Bryan. The guy is very well off, intelligent, and extremely kind. He wouldn’t harm this young man. In my opinion, he’s in love.” Carl glanced at him. “In love?” “Bryan Tyler is the best thing that ever happened to that kid. Julian will be pampered and spoiled, like he deserves after so much grief. Let the poor kid have some happiness in his life. Carl, we’re not

talking about a child. Julian is a breath away from being sent out of the foster care system and onto the street.” Elliot watched as Carl removed the medical report from the file. The head injury was documented in detail and no anal penetration had been detected. Elliot knew there was nothing untoward in that report against the pairing of those two men. “You don’t really have much of a case, Carl. You’ve got better things to do with the city’s time.” “They will be monitored then. And physicals given at random.” “Ass checks? Oh, give me a break. I’ll agree to the monitoring, bi-monthly like it was, but I won’t subject Julian O’Connor to ass exams. Be reasonable.” Again Carl appeared hesitant to succumb to the pressure. “What is it? What’s bothering you about this case?” Elliot asked. “I need to talk to Julian first.” “Good. I’ll go with you.” Julian heard voices right outside his door. He was sitting up in bed, without restraints, watching the television that was mounted on a wall. He could hear a conversation clearly between the guard and another man. “I’m the Carl Sanchez, from the Snohomish County District Attorney’s office. I have a few questions for Julian O’Connor.” Julian felt a cold chill rush down his spine. He leaned as far as his he could to be able to see. He heard the guard say, “Who’s he?”

“I’m with him,” a third voice replied. “You’re not some guy named Bryan Tyler, are you?” the guard asked. Julian jumped out of his skin at the mention of Bryan’s name. “No, he’s a hell of a lot better looking than I am.” Trying not to hold his breath at the hope of seeing Bryan, the minute Julian could see the men clearly, he deflated. “I’m Carl Sanchez from the DA’s office, Julian. And this is Elliot Pinder, Bryan Tyler’s lawyer.” Carl shook Julian’s hand. At the announcement of Elliot’s name, Julian tried to see where the guard was and if he was listening. After all, Elliot Pinder had already visited and looked nothing like this man. “Sorry to bother you over your dinner, Julian. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?” “Only if they get me home.” Julian shoved his tray aside. “I’m reviewing this case for the prosecutor to see if there’s a need to pursue it,” Carl said. “There isn’t!” Julian crossed his arms. “Let me go back to my foster dad.” “Julian, I just want you to answer me honestly.” Carl peered back at Elliot who was smirking. Julian assumed Bryan had been very clear about wanting him back home. “What more do you want from me?” Julian had no patience for any more lectures.

“Is there anything happening in a touchy-feely way between you and your foster care-giver, Bryan Tyler?” “Is anything I say heard?” Julian threw up his hands. “No! No and no! Okay? We just get along good. You want to check my ass too?” Julian began to roll over on the bed. With his hand out, Carl prevented him. “I just want to be sure I’m not returning you into a situation that you can’t handle, Julian.” Julian was trying to be patient while breathing fire. “You have to let me go home. Please. What more can I say or do to get you to let me get on with my life? Bryan is good for me. He teaches me, he feeds and clothes me. I got to go to the zoo for the first time in my life and ride a ferry. And hike a mountain. Why is that so bad? Why can’t I keep doing that?” Carl glanced at Elliot. Julian could read Elliot’s smug smile as he shrugged. “You can, Julian. You can.” Carl exhaled loudly. “Good!” Julian went to climb out of bed. “Wait. Not now.” Carl waved him back in. “Why not now?” Elliot asked. “I’ll drive him home. Let’s get him checked out.” “Can you? Really? Do you mean it?” Julian’s heart went wild, pounding in his chest. Carl said, “I should check first with CPS.” “Oh, give me a break, Carl. You’re the D.A.”

Julian was about to get on his knees and beg. “All right, Elliot. Go and tell the charge nurse,” Carl said. Trying to believe this was true, Julian asked, “I can go? Really?” “Yes, Julian. I’ll take you home.” Elliot smiled. “Yes! Yes!” Julian pumped his fist into the air. Carl touched Elliot’s sleeve as they both walked to the door. Julian heard Carl say, “Okay, Elliot, I’ll be in touch.” Carl waved as he walked away. “Bye, and thanks again, Carl.” When he was left alone, Julian climbed out of bed and entered the bathroom. He washed his hands and face and stared at the gauze bandage on his forehead. “I’m going home and I don’t want this stupid thing on my head anymore.” He pulled it off carefully. A very small row of black thread was right at his hairline. “Not too bad.” He studied it curiously. “I thought it would be worse.” Julian tried to count the stitches. “Uh, one, two three… five? That’s it? Geez, I thought there’d be thirty or something.” He shrugged, shut off the bathroom light, and adjusted his hospital gown as he waited, sitting up on the edge of the bed. The second he spotted Elliot, Julian asked, “Can I go?” “Yes, get dressed.” Elliot handed Julian a bag. The guard leaned in. “Is he being released?” “Yes, you’re no longer needed here, thanks.” Elliot nodded to him.

The moment Julian finished dressing, Elliot said, “Come on, let’s get you home.” Bryan had just finished up on the computer, trying desperately not to let the people at work know anything was wrong. The last thing he wanted was for his private life to come out to his coworkers. None of them even knew he was gay, or at least he didn’t think so. He checked the time. It was almost six p.m. He was tired and still had not eaten very well since this whole episode with Julian had begun. The view inside the refrigerator seemed dismal. Closing the door on its contents, Bryan heard a buzzing sound of the door intercom. That sound now brought with it pain and fear, a conditioned response. Pavlov’s dog. He almost let the answering machine pick it up, then last minute he grabbed it. “Hello.” He moaned in anticipation of more bad news. “It’s Elliot. Buzz me in. You’re in number three-oh-one, right?” “Yes, hang on.” Feeling like a robot, Bryan walked to the door, opened it and instead of standing there and staring at the elevator, he collapsed on the sofa, completely drained of energy. At first Bryan thought he heard voices. Elliot was talking. To whom? Leaning over his knees, Bryan waited to see. When Julian appeared Bryan rose to his feet and gaped in amazement.

Julian dropped his bag and rushed to Bryan, crushing him in his embrace. Elliot closed the door and stood by it. “Oh, my baby! How is this possible?” Bryan grabbed Julian’s jaw to make him meet his eyes. “What happened?” “Ask him.” Julian rocked Bryan in his arms. Bryan reached out to shake Elliot’s hand around Julian. Elliot crossed the room and took it. “Thank you. I don’t know how you did it so quickly. I expected a long court battle and God knows what else.” “I had a chat with the D.A. He was handed another case as we debated it. You were the victim in that case.” “Oh, I see. And that’s it?” Bryan checked Julian’s expression. Julian had his eyes closed, hanging onto him for dear life. “You want a cup of coffee? Anything?” Bryan asked Elliot. “Coffee would be great. Thanks.” “Make yourself comfortable. Have a seat.” Elliot removed his jacket and loosened his tie. “Nice place.” “Thanks. Julian?” Bryan asked sweetly, “Can I get Elliot a cup of coffee?” Julian gave him one long, lingering squeeze, then let him go. “I’ll be right back.” Bryan caressed Julian’s hair. The relief Bryan felt was intense, but he had a feeling he wasn’t completely out of the woods yet. At least he had Julian home where he could make sure he wouldn’t harm himself.

He brewed a pot of coffee, hearing the murmur of conversation in the other room. Bryan brought Elliot a tray with his coffee, cream and sugar, placing it on the table in front of where he and Julian sat on the couch. “Thank you.” Elliot poured cream into the cup. “Can I get you anything, Julian?” Bryan asked. “Yes. You. Sit here.” Julian patted the empty spot next to him. Bryan sat down and Julian immediately moved to lean closer to him. “Okay, you have my undivided attention, Mr. Pinder.” Bryan petted Julian’s hair softly as he spoke. “What happened? You were saying that the D.A. found out about Jon’s attack on me.” “Attack?” Julian spun around to face Bryan. “What the hell did that asshole do? Did he attack you?” “Later. Let Elliot tell his story first.” Bryan tried to tame Julian’s wild waves. Elliot took a sip of his coffee. “Yes, that was a large part of how the D.A. made his decision. I mean, it shot Stubbs’ credibility out of the water. That, plus the prosecutor had no physical evidence and the case was really just hot air.” “What about the forms. The ones I lied on?” Bryan felt a cold sensation in the pit of his stomach. “I spoke to D.A. Carl Sanchez, about that. I warned him I would not settle for a bench trial. That I would go all the way to a jury trial. And I know this area, Bryan. The citizens are very liberal

minded.” Elliot set his cup down. “It’s the kind of case that gets on the front page of The Seattle Times and could bring a lot of bad publicity from the gay community against the system. Carl’s no idiot. He sees things well into the future. He knew where I would take this case. He had visions of a rally up on Capitol Hill. I know some very outspoken gay men that would have thought nothing of forming one.” “Thank you. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.” Bryan asked, “Can I refresh your cup?” “No, I should go and leave you two to get re-acquainted.” Elliot rose to his feet. Julian hopped up as they said goodbye. “I don’t know what to say, Elliot.” Bryan squeezed his hand as he shook it. “I’m so relieved.” “Not a problem. I’m just glad I could help. Don’t worry, you’ll get my bill.” Elliot smiled impishly at him. “I don’t mind in the least. Julian is worth everything I own.” Bryan gave Julian a loving look. “He’s a very lucky young man to have someone like you to watch over and care for him.” “It’s mutual, Elliot.” Bryan showed him to the door. Before he left, Elliot spun back to Julian. “Good luck, Julian.” They waved once more and Bryan shut the door. Julian said, “I can’t believe I’m here.” “Less than a week. I think we did very good, Julian.” Bryan reached out to him.

Julian fell against him and moaned in pleasure. “Yes, we did. Very good. You know something? I’d love a shower and some good food. Is that okay?” “Ditto.” Bryan kissed his hair, then noticed the line of stitches and investigated them. “Please never do that again.” “I won’t have to now.” Julian held Bryan’s hand as they headed to the bedroom. “Bryan, what happened with Jon?” “Groan!” Bryan moaned in exaggeration. “Can’t I just enjoy you being back here?” “No. I want to know what that idiot did. Not only that, but he screwed himself. It sounds like what he did made his statement to CPS sound like bullshit.” Bryan smiled at Julian. “Not only are you cute, but you’re smart.” Julian blushed and made a silly face as he undressed. “Okay. This is the deal. Jon and Sarah stopped by and Jon tried to act like he was mortified that you had been taken from me. Like he had only just learned it.” He tossed his jeans and shirt on the bed. Julian took off his last item of clothing. “What a turd.” “Ha. Yeah, a real turd.” Bryan gestured for Julian to go into the bathroom first. “So he attacked you when he came in?” Julian stood by as Bryan got the water running in the shower. “Not right away. He and Sarah started pouring me shots of whiskey. I guess Jon thought he could get me drunk and then take

advantage of me.” Just as Julian was about to step into the shower he stopped to gape at Bryan. “He didn’t touch you, did he?” “Not in that way. Don’t worry. Get in.” After they were both wet and shampooing their hair, Bryan continued, “He had a plan, I guess, that Sarah would help him tie me up and he could get his revenge. But she backed out and called the cops when he started fighting with me.” “Tie you up? Give me a break. Where does he come up with this shit?” Julian said, “Is that where those scratches came from? Fighting with him?” He ran his fingers over them. “Yup. Should you get that wet?” Bryan pointed to the stitches. Julian shrugged. “Anyway, Jon was arrested and taken out of here.” “Good, the bastard. I can’t believe how jealous he is. So, will he stay in jail?” “I doubt it.” Bryan rinsed off and waited for Julian to finish. “What do you mean, you doubt it? Like in, he’s out?” Julian appeared slightly afraid. “I’m sure he is. I received a court order in the mail. There’s a temporary restraining order separating us.” Bryan shut the water and handed Julian a bath towel, taking one to rub over his own head. “Geez! What’s to stop him from coming here with a gun or something?” “He won’t, don’t worry, Julian. I’m not pursuing it. When Jon

sees it’s all been dropped he’ll just get over it. He’s got a good job as head chef at a restaurant. The last thing he wants to do is screw that up.” “I hope you’re right.” Julian used the towel to dry his back. “I’m just not so sure. The guy is desperate.” “Don’t worry.” Bryan hung his towel up and smiled lovingly at Julian. “You’re back!” “I know!” Julian tossed his towel over the sliding shower door. “And I’m starved.” “Let’s order something delivered. I’m too tired to cook and I don’t want to go out.” “Chinese?” Julian lit up. “Perfect.” Bryan tugged on Julian’s wet hair playfully.

Chapter Twelve Though Bryan knew they were both exhausted, he was getting the idea that neither he nor Julian could fall sleep after the trying few days they had. With gentle fingertips, Bryan stroked Julian’s hair while Julian rested on his chest. Julian’s legs were wrapped around Bryan’s underneath the blankets. “I wonder if they’ll try to get me out of here again?” Julian sounded apprehensive. “No. I don’t think they will. It’ll start seeming like we’re getting harassed.” “Are you sure?” “No, not one hundred percent, but almost.” He kissed Julian’s head. “Don’t stress over it.” “I’ll try not to, but I don’t want to go through that again.” He sighed heavily. “Why did you hit your head? I heard you slammed it against a wall.” Bryan ran his index finger over the line of stitches lightly. Julian burrowed under Bryan’s armpit. “Come out, little mole, and talk to me. I want to deal with this now, baby.” After some prodding, Julian leaned up on his elbows.

Bryan could see the luminosity of Julian’s eyes in the dim light and just make out the hum of traffic flowing on Interstate 5 below them. “I did hit it. When the cops left me off with that lady at DSHS.” “Why, Julian?” “Because.” “Can we do better than a one word answer?” Bryan squeezed both his arms. Julian huffed out a loud breath. “I get really frustrated. No one ever listens to me. You’re the first one that actually hears what I say and understands me. No one ever did. So there I was telling that Patricia Campbell-bitch what I really wanted and she just wouldn’t listen.” “And, if you get angry and frustrated like that again, will you do that? Will I see you pounding your head like that in here?” “No.” He could see Julian pouting and his look of indignation. “Julian, look at me.” The reluctance in Julian to make eye contact was evident. Once they connected, Bryan tried to make his words count. “I want you to try and develop better coping skills. No matter what happens, you always need to keep your head, not pound it.” “I’m sorry. I just wanted them to see I wouldn’t just sit there and do nothing, ya know?” “Of course I understand. But, tell me, is that the way you have

always dealt with your feelings?” Julian turned aside. “You sound like a counselor now. Stop it. I don’t like it.” Unwilling to allow him to evade the topic, Bryan held him tight. “I’m not your counselor. I’m your best friend. Talk to me, baby.” Julian stopped resisting and relaxed again on top of Bryan’s chest. “I’ve never been that bad before, no. But no one’s ever hurt me like that either. I usually just get quiet and hide.” Bryan wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tight. “There is so much to learn about you, Julian.” He moaned, saying, “I’m a nut case. Don’t ask too many questions.” “You’re not a nut case. Hey, I was your age once. I was far from controllable. I was very wild. I drove my parents crazy.” “Did you?” Julian leant up again to be able to see his face. “Yes.” Bryan smiled. “I hung out with a very rough crowd and we did some stupid things. I never got caught or in trouble, but my parents knew I was always into something.” “Now you’re just their gay, rich son.” “Ouch.” Bryan cringed. “I didn’t mean it like that.” Julian punched Bryan’s shoulder. “Let’s stop talking. I’m stupid and stay dumb things.” “You are not stupid. Far from it. You’re just young, Julian.” “I know. That’s the problem, Bryan. I’m too young.”

“Shh, all right. That’s enough for one day. Let’s try and sleep.” Julian lay his head back down on Bryan’s chest and closed his eyes. Exhaustion was gaining on Bryan. With Julian’s cheek pressed into his ribs, Bryan listened to Julian’s breathing. The sound was as soothing as the trickle of a mountain stream. The minute he let his body unwind he fell asleep. What started out like darkness inside, something Julian was used to, ended up seeping out in a dream until Julian felt blind. Staircases tripped him and walls stood before him, as nothing he did could prevent his dimming vision. What hadn’t seemed fearsome earlier in the dream had become nightmarish. Now he was the victim being hounded and chased. As he fought with his blindness, he tripped and fell into a chasm. Instantly Julian sat up in bed with a gasp. It woke Bryan immediately. Julian panted to catch his breath. He couldn’t shake the feeling the dream had given him. He was being hunted, and if he thought about it, Julian even knew who was after him. The blindness in the dream? That just made him completely helpless. Was he that helpless in real life? “Julian?” “Huh?” “You all right?” “Bad dream.”

“Come here, baby.” Bryan reached out to him and cradled him in his arms. Julian tried to still his trembling limbs. He was coated in cold sweat. Bryan obviously felt his panic. “It was a really scary one, wasn’t it?” “Yes.” Julian tried to feel the warmth of the embrace and calm down. “Wanna talk about it?” “No.” “Okay, baby. You’re okay. I’ve got you.” Relieved at Bryan’s words, Julian took a deep inhaled breath and tried to slow his pulse. Bryan’s light kisses penetrated the gloom in his soul. It wasn’t over yet. In fact, this may have been just the beginning. He and Bryan had an enemy out there. One that was unstable and attacked people. No, they weren’t safe yet. Not by a long shot. The phone woke Julian up. Bryan groaned and reached over Julian to grab it. After Bryan said hello, he hung it up and rolled back to his spot tiredly. “Who was it?” Julian asked. “Wrong number.” Bryan closed his eyes again. “Did they ask for someone?”

“No, they just hung up.” A chill ran up Julian’s spine. He cuddled on top of Bryan nervously. “It’s like some sick horror flick.” “What’s that?” Bryan mumbled. “Nothing. Never mind. I’m just talking to myself.” Julian liked to believe he wasn’t afraid of anything because he told himself that. Though the truth was the opposite. He lived in fear. Fear of being alone, fear of everything strange and overwhelming. And mostly, in fear of his own self worth. When the phone rang once more, Julian jumped out of his skin. “You get it. Hang up if it’s just dead air.” Bryan groaned. Julian was scared to death. After the fifth ring, he raised the phone tentatively to his ear. “H-hello?” “Julian.” The voice sent goose bumps rising on his arms. “Who’s this?” Julian sat up in a panic. “You know me, Julian.” “Jon? Is it Jon?” Bryan shot upright and grabbed the phone. “Hello? Stubbs? Is that you?” The connection went dead. Like he had been splashed with seawater, Julian shivered as Bryan yelled Jon’s name into the dead phone. When Bryan hung up he asked Julian, “What did he say? How did you know it was him?” Julian tried to stop his teeth from chattering. “He…he said my

name…then when I asked who it was, he said….’you know me’.” “That fucker!” Bryan yanked off the covers and grabbed the telephone. He dialed and waited. Julian was having a coronary. Bryan screamed into the phone, “Pick up the phone, you coward! Why don’t you pick on someone your own size? If you harass us, I’ll pursue charges. I wasn’t going to until now. So leave us alone!” He slammed the phone down and sat still. “This is worse than having CPS after me.” Julian swallowed nervously. “No, don’t worry. He’s just acting out, he won’t do anything.” “He attacked you. You’re all covered in scratches from him. Have you lost it?” “Julian, stop. We’re not going to change our lives just because of Jon. I can handle him. He’s just pissed off about it, and he’ll calm down.” Bryan stood, picked up the phone angrily and dialed. Julian made room for him on the bed, but Bryan didn’t sit down. “Hey, Sarah, it’s me. What are you up to?” “Getting ready for work, why?” “Jon just called and scared the hell out of Julian. What’s going on, Sarah? What’s his new game?” Sarah made a little sound of upset. “Who the hell knows? I know he’s out of jail. He called me from the restaurant, pissing and

moaning about you and Julian.” “What the fuck is wrong with him?” Bryan straightened his back, catching a glimpse of himself in his dresser mirror. “I wasn’t going to pursue charges, Sarah, but if he’s decided on using intimidation factors that I don’t like, he’s giving me no choice.” “You know him, Bryan. As a matter of fact, you know him better than anyone. He goes mental once in a while when he can’t get what he wants. He’ll calm down.” “Is he back on cocaine?” In the mirror’s reflection, Bryan noticed Julian listening, staring at his cock, which happened to be at Julian’s eye level. Bryan spun around to look at Julian, shifting his weight from leg to leg. “Why is it always something? Can’t everyone just leave us alone? Do we have to have a mad coke addict driving us nuts along with everything else we’ve been through?” Sarah replied, “I know, Bryan. Jon does fall off the drug wagon a little. I’ve asked him about it, but he gets defensive. He hides the habit from us because we harp on him so much about it.” “I know. We do it because he’s such a stupid shit” Bryan caressed Julian’s hair, causing Julian to meet his gaze. “Are you going to be seeing Jon soon?” “I don’t know. After Jon was in jail and you guys fought, I considered never seeing him again. I really didn’t like what he did to you, or to Julian, for that matter. It was over the top, Bryan, and I just want to keep out of it.”

“I don’t blame you. Look, if you do see him or if he calls you, tell him I decided to drop the charges, but if he is persistent and goes after us, I won’t.” “You’d want to be on the stand talking about Jon trying to stick his dick up your ass? You’re kidding, right.” She laughed. “No, I don’t want to. But what choice do I have?” Bryan stared down at the top of Julian’s head. That blond mass of hair was directly in front of his crotch. Bryan tilted down to look at himself curiously. He wasn’t hard at the moment. “He knows that, Bry. He’s not that dumb. Jon knows what admitting you lied on those forms would do to your job, your family…need I go on?” “What other recourse do I have, Sarah?” Frustration was edging into Bryan’s anger. “I don’t know. Talk to him. Look, I do want to continue this discussion, but I’m running late for work.” “Sorry. Can you come by this evening?” “Sure. Before or after dinner?” “Before. I’ll fix something for the three of us.” Julian yelled, “I don’t want her here!” “Okay,” Sarah replied. Bryan caressed his face to console him. “Great, see you about six.” “See ya.”

Bryan hung up to see Julian’s frown. “You remember what she did to me? Are you nuts?” Julian pouted. “I remember. Look, forgive her, okay? I need her right now.” Bryan sat next to Julian and touched his hair gently. “Why? If she had come near me, you’d kick me out. You think that’s worth forgiving?” “No, actually, I don’t. But Sarah’s my link to keeping tabs on Jon, and I need that link right now.” Julian crossed his arms and brooded. “You’ve got some real fucked up friends. I wish you could just dump them all.” “Sometimes I do too. But for now, let’s just try and get along with her and at least use her for help. Okay, cutie?” Bryan cupped Julian’s jaw and raised it to see his light eyes. Julian’s pout vanished and was replaced with a smile. Seeing Julian’s demeanor soften, Bryan knew he had cooled down substantially. “Uh hum, and what were you looking at earlier?” “Your big dick.” Julian smiled wickedly. “I know. Why?” “Because you had it right in front of my face.” Julian laughed. Bryan wrestled Julian back into the pillows. “I thought that was where you wanted it.” Submissive and sensually vulnerable, Julian was pinned, both hands over his head. “I do. Stick it in my mouth.”

Teasing Julian, Bryan said, “I’ll stick it. I’ll stick it where I want to stick it.” Bryan was hard and ready, shoving his cock between Julian’s thighs, playfully. “You can, you know. I’d let you.” Julian rubbed up against him. “I know you will. Because you’re as insane as my crazy friends.” Bryan kissed him. When Bryan leaned back to gaze at him, Julian’s eyes appeared glossy and affectionate. “Are you really going to wait two years to stick it in me?” “Yes,” Bryan said softly. “No way!” “I should be waiting until you’re eighteen to do anything with you.” “Shut up. That’s so stupid.” Julian made a silly face at him. “That sucks. I’ve been wondering what it will feel like.” “And you’ll keep wondering. Now, you shut up and kiss me.” Julian nodded, closing his eyes. He hummed contentedly and then parted from the kiss to look into Bryan’s gaze. Bryan tilted his head. “What are you thinking, you naughty boy?” “Not naughty thoughts this time, honest.” “What then?” Bryan released him and rolled to his side to face him. Julian leaned up to mirror him. “Nuthin’” “Uh uh, come on, no secrets.” Bryan touched the tip of Julian’s

nose. “Okay, a few things then.” Bryan smiled. “Okay, start with one.” “Okay, one; I think you’re fantastic looking.” “Oh!” Bryan didn’t expect that response. “Thank you. You ain’t half bad yourself… and two?” “I’m still lost on number one. Man, you’re incredible. I am one lucky fucker to have you.” “I’m not that good looking, Julian.” “Oh, like hell you’re not, Bryan. You should be a TV star.” Bryan began laughing and rolled to his back on the bed. As if that was his invitation for a cuddle, Julian crawled over his body. “Okay, forget it, though you are the most handsomest man I’ve ever seen, I’ll give you number two.” Bryan controlled his chuckles and gave Julian a serious expression. “I’m ready, shoot.” “Will I eventually work? Like you? Learn computers or something?” Unable to resist the urge to run his hands through Julian’s blond hair, Bryan dug his fingers in eagerly, pushing it back from Julian’s face as it hung in front of it. “It’s up to you. I think, for your own security, you should learn how to be good at something, yes. But as long as we’re together, you won’t have to work.” That appeared to confuse Julian. “My security?”

“Yes. Look, my pretty boy, though right now we hope and pray we are a forever thing, life sometimes decides on different paths for people. So, I don’t want you to be helpless suddenly, just because you’re on your own. Do you understand?” “Will you get bored with me and kick me out some day?” Bryan couldn’t help but see the water fill Julian’s eyes. “No, lover, more likely the opposite. You’ll meet someone closer to your own age and want to get rid of tired old me.” “Never!” Julian’s body went rigid. Bryan held him still. “You don’t think that now, Julian, but it may happen. Hopefully not.” “It won’t. I’d sooner die.” “Stop saying things like that.” The thought of Julian hurting himself disturbed Bryan deeply. “Why? You wanted to kill yourself once too.” That shut Bryan up. He eyed Julian suspiciously. “Are you prying into things you shouldn’t be prying into?” Bryan meant his journal and wondered if Julian had discovered it. “No.” For some reason Julian couldn’t look Bryan directly in the eye. “Remember when Sarah came here and tried to assault me? She told me she and Jon were the ones that stood by you when your friends all were dying and when you were thinking about killing yourself. So? Don’t be so hard on me. You felt that way once too.” As if a battle was somehow lost inside him, Bryan lowered his head in defeat. He knew Julian had no idea the effect his words had

on him. When Bryan tried to get off the bed, Julian grabbed him and squeezed him tighter. “Where are you going? Stop.” “Julian, please.” This talk greatly embarrassed Bryan and he was horrified Sarah had said it so casually. Who else had she told? “I don’t care, Bryan. I just know you understand how I feel, that’s all. I don’t think badly about you for it. I totally get it.” Julian’s eyes had filled with tears. “Nothing I say is right. I should have just stuck to comments about how good looking you are.” Moving Julian off of him gently, Bryan sat up, leaning over his knees with his head in his hands. He relived some terrible times he had in the past. Times when the loneliness had devoured him and the amount of death he was enduring had destroyed him. Bryan’s work kept him alive back then. If he hadn’t had that job, he would have completely self-destructed. He didn’t turn to drugs or the bottle. Not the bottle heavily at least. He did consume beer, but not enough to make him forget his plight. His family didn’t care about him, his friends weren’t there for him, and the isolation these four walls created was almost enough to push him over the edge. Looking back at that time in his life, Bryan still didn’t know what kept him alive through that dark period. Hope. It was hope. In all his darkness he had a little candle flame lit. Hope. In time, he had faith he would find someone to share his life with. Hope. That one day he could reveal all his fear and dreams to

someone and that person would care and listen. Bryan would be dead by now without the angel called Hope. Having gone so far as to plan his own death because he could not face his peers being wiped off the planet from an insidious disease, Bryan had a bottle of sleeping pills at the ready for the job. When rest would not come easily to him, the doctor prescribed them. Taking them only for one night, for he hated the feeling he had the next morning, Bryan saved them. He knew where they were. Up on the top shelf of his cupboard in the kitchen. Sixty valiums. If he swallowed them all in one shot, he’d be dead by morning. It was there for him. There when he needed it. And on more than one night he had sat with the jar in his hand, wondering if the day had come. Perhaps he was expressing his pain by his body language or silence, because Julian climbed on Bryan’s back and hugged him. Bryan could hear Julian’s halted breath as if he were trying not to cry with all his might. Bryan felt that embrace and took Julian onto his lap. Julian, with his arms wrapped around Bryan’s neck, crushed his face against Bryan’s cheek, and cried. “Don’t hurt yourself, Bryan. You don’t want me to hurt myself and I don’t want you to hurt yourself. Please. We have each other now. I’m not going to leave you. No one will tempt me. You have to believe me.” “I do, baby, I do.” Bryan inhaled deeply to control his emotions. Hope was back. He prayed that day would never come again when those pills were in his hand. Julian leaned back from Bryan so they could connect gazes.

Bryan kissed at the tears that ran down Julian’s smooth cheek. “Mm, salty.” Bryan licked his lip. Julian laughed in a choking sob and then gave Bryan a very solemn pout. “I love you, Bryan. More than I have ever loved anybody in my life. No one means more to me than you. Okay?” The warmth of that confession burned in Bryan’s chest like he had just had a shot of fine cognac. “Julian, you say the most wonderful things.” Bryan hugged him tightly. “Good. And I mean it. Do you love me?” Bryan smiled adoringly into those pale blue eyes. “With all my heart.” “Good. Kiss me.” Bryan’s smile came to rest on Julian’s. They smooched together and grew more excited as their tongues vied for dominance. Julian pushed Bryan back on the bed and laid over him, reaching his hands up and down Bryan’s sides. Bryan hated to admit being touched made him forget his pain. The physical contact he had been denying himself felt rich and rewarding. After what felt like an eternal desert without it, Julian’s love was an oasis. “Oh, baby, baby, baby,” Bryan moaned sensually. Julian crawled lower to kiss Bryan’s chest and belly. As he drew nearer to Bryan’s cock, Bryan resisted the urge to stop him, instead, spreading his legs to lure Julian down. It was where Julian was headed anyway. At the touch of Julian’s hot, wet mouth, Bryan let out a low

groan of pleasure. He closed his eyes and allowed the sensations to raise him up and drift over the currents of his sadness. “That’s it, baby. We have each other. No more tears.” Julian gripped the base of Bryan’s cock, holding it upright to lick like a popsicle. The skill level of Julian always knocked Bryan sideways. But Bryan could relate. How many times had he fantasized how he would give a blowjob to a man if and when he could? Too many. He had his own game plan of tactics mapped out, as it seemed so did Julian. Julian couldn’t get enough of Bryan. Though he understood why Bryan felt compelled to hold back, he knew if he seduced Bryan, eventually he’d get something. And Bryan’s cock was top on his list. Just the scent and feel of Bryan’s length in his palms, the taste of the tiny drop that oozed out of the slit, was enough to get Julian’s hips alive and thrusting against the bed. Closing his eyes, Julian sunk Bryan’s cock as far into his mouth as he could, stroking it with his tongue, tickling under the head. It made Bryan whimper and his legs tense. “Mm!” Julian wriggled in delight and kissed his way down Bryan’s erection to his sack, mouthing and rolling his balls on this tongue. “Julian…my God.” Julian smiled. Fantasy turned reality. That’s what this was. Julian

felt his own ass pucker with the yearning of penetration. Nearly two years felt like an eternity to wait for that treat. But he was content with what he was doing. Julian rose to his elbows and sucked harder, faster, desiring the taste of Bryan’s cum. He felt Bryan’s fingers in his hair, urging him gently, keeping up with the rhythm of Julian’s mouth with a thrust of his hips. Come! Come! Julian began squeezing Bryan’s cock at the base, fisting it ruthlessly as he sucked to the tip. The minute Julian pushed his wet finger up Bryan’s ass, Bryan choked and his balls tightened to a knot. Julian got his wish. His mouth filled with Bryan’s spunk. Milking Bryan’s cock for every last drop, Julian thought he was getting carried away, being too rough, squeezing too hard, but Bryan kept whimpering and jerking his hips off the bed. Unable to get another drop out of Bryan’s spent cock, Julian popped up to his knees and jacked off, spraying Bryan’s genitals with his own jizz. Blinking, looking down at Bryan as he recovered, admiring his creamy spatter, Julian grinned impishly. Through his heavy breaths Bryan said, “I would have helped you.” “Next time.” Julian shook a last milky spatter onto Bryan’s pubic hair. “Holy crap.” Bryan closed his eyes as he recuperated. “I can go again, looking at you.” Julian kept toying with his own cock.

Bryan just moaned, winking playfully at Julian. Julian bit his lip and widened his knees for stability, then worked himself up once more, licking his chops at Bryan’s ripped six-pack abs and erect nipples, his semi-erect cock and the ribbons of cum already painted on his groin. The second climax was as good as the first. As Julian came again, grunting and jacking as fast as he could, he peeked at Bryan who was watching in awe. “Wow.” Bryan smiled. “You think that will hold you for a little while?” Julian massaged his cum around Bryan’s cock and balls. “For an hour.” Catching Bryan’s loving smile, Julian hopped off the bed and extended his hand. “Come on. I’ll help you.” “I need it.” Bryan clasped his hand. “You’ll wear me out.” “Never.” Julian slapped Bryan’s firm bottom as he walked passed. Bryan gave him an admonishing look which instantly turned into a smile. Though Bryan and Julian did not like the idea of leaving the house to endure the rain, wind, and strung-out cocaine addicts, they needed to buy food. Wearing the hat of guidance counselor and teacher for the moment, Bryan explained to Julian the different career options in the computer field as he drove into the lot of the nearest grocery store.

“High-tech is booming, Julian. If you show an aptitude for it, you can really make a killing.” After locking the Corvette, Bryan led the way while Julian held the shopping list in his hand. “Teach me. I’m open to anything, Bryan.” “Perfect. From now on, we begin lessons on everything from programming to trouble shooting.” Once Bryan claimed a shopping cart, he stopped chatting momentarily as if he needed to concentrate on the list of ingredients for the dinner he had planned for Sarah and him tonight. While Julian stood by the cart, Bryan tossed him items from the produce aisle like Julian was a wide receiver going out for a pass. A head of lettuce, cucumbers, and red peppers went flying though the air as Julian did his best Steve Largent act and managed to complete all the forward passes to fill the cart. It fascinated Julian how confident Bryan was with cooking and making things from scratch. It was so much fun shopping with him, Julian never felt it was a chore. The two of them laughed their way down the aisles of colorful food labels as things flew through the air and almost crash-landed before Julian’s swift reflexes saved it. No matter where they went, it seemed Bryan knew so many people. Julian assumed Bryan had lived on Capitol Hill ever since he graduated from the ‘U-dub’. And with the indications from Sarah, and what Julian had read in Bryan’s journal, it seemed in that time Bryan had socialized heavily in

the gay scene. Julian never considered Bryan to have a shy disposition. It was evident Bryan enjoyed many close friends over the years, most of whom, sadly had died. But each time he and Bryan explored downtown Seattle or the Hill, everyone greeted Bryan and appeared to like him. Bryan was easy going, not to mention, easy on the eyes. Julian had images of when Bryan was in his heyday of socializing, figuring he was never left alone in a bar for long. Julian noticed a male couple smile and say hello to Bryan by name. Bryan smiled back, responding with his own sweet hello. When they had walked by, Julian said, “I bet you get a lot of offers for sex.” “I used to. Not anymore.” Bryan inspected a box of whole wheat pasta. “Because you don’t date?” “Pretty much.” Bryan put the pasta into the cart. “Gossip got around quickly that I had turned celibate.” Bryan checked to make sure the couple couldn’t hear him. “I wouldn’t even let anyone so much as give me a kiss in the corner of the dance floor. I wasn’t the only man who turned to celibacy for a solution, Julian. Several men I know had done the same. Sworn themselves to abstain. I’m not unique by any measure, but I suppose it’s not everyone’s answer. I’m just a paranoid freak about it.” “It’s just that everywhere we go, I see you say hello and smile at

so many people it astonishes me.” Bryan smiled, continuing their walk down the food aisle. “I think it’s cool, Bryan. And you never hesitated to introduce me to people. Though I think when you call me your ‘foster kid’ we get hit with curious looks or laughs.” Julian had a thought. Just what did these men think he was to Bryan? Did they think Bryan and he were lovers? Julian assumed there had to be rumors. He also suspected Jon would be spreading them. Did all these acquaintances know Bryan was having sex with his new young live-in partner? Julian gave Bryan a good once over before he did the same to himself. Did they look like a couple? Had Bryan assured his fan club what he and Julian had was platonic and he had not changed his views on celibacy? Julian hadn’t opened his mouth during any of the introductions, all the while wanting every human being on the planet to know he possessed this man, touched him, had Bryan in the most intimate ways, because he knew no one else could. He wanted to broadcast it, to print up a t-shirt that read, ‘I’m Bryan Tyler’s exclusive fuck’ so that when Julian walked down the street everyone would be green with envy. Well, they must know. It just wasn’t polite, or legal, to speak about it but that didn’t mean it wasn’t common knowledge in the community.

Watching the way Bryan smiled and explained how he became ‘his Julian’, little subtle innuendoes did actually emerge. It was as if Bryan wanted others to know he adored Julian. However, the playful admissions could only go so far. It was fire they were toying with and Bryan and Julian knew it. So, they never strayed into the realm of reality. Just the tilt of a head or a suggestive smile. That was it. The last thing Julian wanted was to be forcibly removed from Bryan’s house again, for Bryan to go to jail and be labeled a sex offender, and for hell on earth to begin again. It wasn’t wise to gloat. With another completed forward pass from Bryan to Julian of a box of cereal, Julian spotted yet another man making a beeline to his lover. “Terry! How are you?” Bryan reached out his hand and shook it, but that wasn’t enough for this friend. Terry gave Bryan a full body hug and a loud sniff at his cologne. At the passionate friction of the hug, Julian watched Bryan back Terry off politely and glance at Julian. Bryan beckoned Julian to come closer, to show Terry he wasn’t alone. Immediately, Julian came rushing to Bryan’s side, trying not to stare at this man who had touched his lover’s body with his own. “Oh! And who do we have here?” Petite Terry was effeminate and obviously proud of it, as he held a basket of things at his elbow,

whose contents included a bouquet of fresh flowers. “This is Julian. He’s staying with me.” Bryan gave Julian a loving smile. “Is that right? Are you related?” “No.” Bryan laughed. “He’s a foster kid. I’m taking care of him.” Julian waited for Terry’s reaction to the ‘foster kid’ line. It was the same as everyone else Bryan had told. Terry’s smile faded and he inspected Julian. “Oh, no way. This beautiful babe is what you get when you ask for a wayward child? Oh! Sign me up.” A blush washed over Bryan’s cheeks. He took a quick look around as if to see if anyone was eavesdropping. Terry put a hand on his hip in an obvious gesture of dismay. “This is what you’ve been up to? You disappeared from the club scene. No one had any idea. Jon was out playing the club game last night, doing the wild thing. But he never mentioned any of this to us girls.” As if a warning light appeared above Terry’s head, Julian stiffened at Jon’s name while Bryan remained calm and asked, “Oh, didn’t he? Was he behaving himself?” “No. Oh, hell no! He was dancing with some Mary in heels. I think he’s into the…” Terry pointed to his nose and snorted, “… again.” “Yes. I know.” Bryan lowered his eyes.

“I wanted to ask him about you, but by the time I had the chance he was out the door, hot to trot.” “Yes, well, that’s Jon.” Bryan glimpsed at Julian who was riveted to the conversation. “Come out with him next time. Bring your young friend.” Terry reached out to pet Julian’s hair. Julian felt it coming and veered away. “I can’t, Ter, Julian is only fifteen.” “Oh! Fifteen?” Terry took a step back as if to appraise Julian in detail. “Oh, Bryan Tyler, I am sick with jealousy. You succulent young thing.” Terry made some hissing noises, leaving Julian swallowing nervously at the implications. “Behave yourself, Mr. Warren,” Bryan said with a smile on his lips. “We’ve got to keep shopping. See you around.” Bryan nudged Julian to break his stare on Terry’s leer. Julian shook himself out of the trance and continued to walk down the food aisles. Having a feeling Terry was still there, Julian peered over his shoulder to find Terry staring at him. “I wish you wouldn’t tell people how old I am,” Julian said. Bryan paused to inspect frozen food. “Why?” Taking another peek behind him to see if Terry was still staring, Julian said, “Because it embarrasses me.” “How old would you like to be?” Turning his attention to Julian, Bryan appeared intrigued. “Say eighteen.” Bryan blinked his eyes. “All right. If it’s what you want.”

“It’s what I want.” “You look a slightly young for eighteen. They may know I’m lying.” “I don’t care.” “Okay, Julian, I think this is it. Let’s go to one of the check-out stands. With their arms loaded with bags, Bryan filled the trunk of the Corvette and sat heavily in the driver’s bucket seat. “Home?” Julian asked as he fastened his seatbelt. “Aye, matie, homeward bound.” Just as Bryan started the car, someone rapped their knuckles on the glass by his face. He spun around to see Jon. “Oh, fuck.” Bryan moaned at the sight of Jon’s demonic smile. “Augh!” Julian panicked. “Don’t open the door!” “Don’t be silly. You can stay here if you’re afraid.” Bryan nodded for Jon to allow him to get out. “Oh, shit!” Julian hopped out the passenger’s side. Jon backed up to let the car door swing open. Bryan could see Jon watching Julian exit the car, obviously enjoying the look of fear and intimidation on Julian’s face. Bryan leaned against the car fender. He examined Jon’s attire, his leather jacket and torn blue jeans, his unshaven, tired face. “What the hell do you want?”

“To apologize, man. Really.” Julian and Bryan exchanged skeptical glances. “I know you don’t believe me,” Jon said, “I feel really bad. I know I fucked up.” Jon moved closer to Bryan. Julian walked quickly over to where they stood. “Yes, you did. I want to forgive you, Jon, but I never know with you.” “It’s the pits to be in love with someone who has no interest in you.” Jon gave Julian a condescending glare then said, “God, you look incredible, Bryan.” “Jon.” Bryan sighed, shaking his head. Jon moved closer, near enough to whisper to Bryan privately, leaning his legs against him. “I miss you. That’s all. We were connected at the hip for so long. We did everything together, the gym, the clubs, the restaurants. Now? Now you’re gone from my life.” “I’m not gone from you. I can still do those things with you.” “But it isn’t the same. He’s here now. You and I won’t go out alone anymore.” Bryan had a feeling Julian resented not being able to hear what was being said. He noticed Julian move closer, leaning against the fender of the car to try and eavesdrop on the conversation. “Jon, I know it won’t be exactly how you want it, but we can still try. I promise, I’ll try and keep you in my life, but…” Julian gasped when Jon’s hand came rushing out of his pocket.

With the speed of a cobra striking, Julian jumped on Jon’s back and threw him to the ground. Bryan gasped in surprise. “In his hand! Check his hand!” Julian had Jon by the hair as Jon growled in fury to be released. “Let me go, ya dickwad!” Bryan looked down at Jon’s hand. “What? What, Julian?” “A knife! He’s got a knife!” Julian gestured to Jon’s hand. Bryan grabbed Jon’s arm at the wrist to see it clearly. Jon yelled, “He’s fucking nuts!” with his hands open wide. Nothing was there. “Where? Where did you see a knife, Julian?” Bryan tried to speak quietly as pedestrians began to circle. Julian leaned over to look. All Bryan could see were Jon’s silver bracelet and rings. Jon was about to explode with rage. “Let me the fuck up!” Having no idea what Julian had seen, Bryan nudged Julian to release Jon. Julian stood cautiously, as if waiting for Jon to react violently to the attack. With an outstretched hand, Bryan reached for Jon and got him to his feet, brushing him off. Jon growled at the spectators, “Show’s over! Get lost!” Julian kept looking at Jon’s hands. Bryan asked, “Could it have been the silver jewelry, Julian?”

Julian didn’t reply. “I’m sorry, Jon.” Bryan tried to catch Jon’s eye. “I think we’re a little paranoid around you.” “A knife? You think I’d stab you?” Jon seemed slow to cool off. “Yes,” Julian said, “You tried to rape him, you turd.” “All right, Julian,” Bryan scolded him and then peeked around nervously. Jon faced Julian, fury written all over him. “I came here to swallow my pride and apologize and that’s the thanks I get?” Jon showed his teeth. “And you’re the little turd, not me!” Bryan rubbed his face tiredly. “Oh, this is sinking into the gutter fast.” “No! You are!” Julian pointed to Jon’s face. “No! You are!” Jon repeated. Turned into the daddy of twin brats, Bryan could not believe his eyes. He muscled between them and with a hand on either chest he held them off. “Boys!” he yelled, “Behave or I’ll spank you!” Jon and Julian brooded angrily, arms crossed tightly over their chests in defense. Bryan took Jon by the elbow and stepped away from Julian to say, “Look, it just may take some time. Julian has problems trusting anyone as it is.” “Join the club. And you’re our star member.” “All right.” Bryan tried to keep him calm. “You haven’t been on

your best behavior as of late, my friend, and you can’t blame us for being a little leery.” Jon opened his mouth as if he wanted to deny the charges, but reconsidered when he thought about it. “Sarah is coming by for dinner, why don’t you—” “No way!” Julian yelled before the invitation could be vocalized. “Shut up, ya brat,” Jon said. “Jon, please.” Bryan begged him, and then pointed a warning finger at Julian to act civilly. “He’s not coming over. You know all the trouble he caused us? I still have stitches in my head.” Julian pointed to the black thread under his hairline. “I never hit him.” Jon held up his hands to Bryan. “I never laid a hand on him.” “No. You didn’t hit him. He hit his own head.” “Then why is he blaming me?” Jon pressed his fingers into his leather-covered chest. “Because it was your fault the cops came and took me away, that’s why,” Julian said. Bryan started to think about his melting ice cream. “Okay, look, I have to get the groceries home.” “Let’s go, Bryan.” Julian obviously wanted them to leave, now. Bryan nodded to Julian to get in the car. When Julian did, with great reluctance, Bryan stared at Jon, reliving all the times they had

together, and they were many. And they were fun. With his right hand he touched Jon’s rough jaw affectionately. “Let me call you.” Jon exhaled a great stressful breath. “Right.” With feather lightness, Bryan kissed Jon’s cheek, watching Jon’s expression light him up sensuously. They stayed in eye contact while Bryan climbed back into the car. As Bryan backed out of the parking spot, Jon stood there, touching the spot Bryan’s lips had kissed. Julian had his arms crossed, sulking. “I didn’t invite him over this time, Julian, but I will eventually forgive him.” “I can’t believe it.” Julian shook his head. “After what he did?” Bryan reached to clasp his hand. “I’m going to tell you a secret.” Without success, Bryan attempted to settle Julian down. “Forgiveness is by far the best human trait anyone can possess, babe. It empties the heart of toxic hate. Let it go. He’s sorry. I know Jon. He feels very badly for what he did.” “He’ll just do it again,” Julian replied. “No. He won’t. He’s all right now. Give him a chance.” “You still love him, don’t you?” Bryan glanced at Julian before he entered the traffic on Broadway Avenue. “I never stopped loving him, Julian. But it’s not the same kind of love we share.” Julian stared out of the window. “I just don’t understand any of this.”

“You will. Believe me. You will.” Bryan kissed Julian’s knuckles. Instead of enjoying watching Bryan in the kitchen cooking, Julian sat on his bed in his room as if he were sent there for punishment. With Rabbit was on his lap, Julian leant against the headboard and tried to decide whom to be mad at. Why can’t Bryan see these ‘friends’ of his are a pain in the ass? Both of them. And there he is in the kitchen cooking dinner for some dim-witted lady who tried to taint me sexually so Bryan wouldn’t touch me. Why doesn’t Bryan see they are both a problem and he needs to get them out of his life? Especially Jon! Look what he did! Julian touched the line of black thread on his forehead to reassure himself that the reason for hatred was still fresh and real. “Well, Rabbit? You believe Bryan? I don’t. He doesn’t care what I think, does he? He doesn’t care what I went through, does he?” Bryan finished cutting up the salad and the lasagna was ready to be baked. He checked the time and stuck the casserole in the oven. Wrapping the garlic bread in foil, he put it on top of the stove to warm up later, then set out three wine glasses. As the memory of images washed through Bryan’s mind, it opened to the vastness of possibilities. Twisting and turning over the boulders of problems and down pouring of life, those visual pictures brought him back to Jon, causing Bryan to smile to himself.

It was only a matter of time before he would come around and forgive Jon. Jon obviously knew that. They had been friends for too long to be avoiding one another eternally. Yes, Jon was impulsive and very jealous, but now that he was over the shock of Julian playing a part in his life, Jon would be just fine. He’d talk to him about the coke-habit soon too. Jon would admit it to him if Bryan pushed hard enough. It was the job. Bryan knew it. The pressure Jon was under at that five-star restaurant made him sleepless. The coke woke Jon up and got him through his late shift, but it would string him out late at night and Jon wouldn’t be able to sleep, creating a vicious cycle. He would talk to Sarah about it tonight. They would all get together soon and hash it out, all three of them, a mini intervention. Bryan corrected himself. Four of them. There were four of them now. The dinner done being fussed over, Bryan sipped a glass of wine and walked into the living room. Julian had a right to be upset with his two horrible friends. He did. It wasn’t out of line. But Julian also had to give them another chance. Could he? Was he mature enough at fifteen to see that it just didn’t matter? That people could actually learn lessons and change? Bryan thought back to his own sensibilities at that age. He wasn’t mature, far from it. And if he was honest about it, he was still trying to define his sexuality, and failing miserably. No, he wasn’t as mature as Julian is. Julian had come a long way, been through an enormous ordeal and was still on his feet.

With a light tread, Bryan made his way down the hallway to peer into Julian’s bedroom. He could see Julian was having a heart to heart with Rabbit. Bryan backed up and listened quietly. “Yes, but Bryan is smarter than me. He must know the right thing to do. Maybe I should just not be mad anymore. I don’t want the three of them all against me. And staying mad at Bryan sucks. I like it when we laugh and play, and are sexy together.” Julian shifted Rabbit to sit up straighter on his lap. Tugging on one of his long floppy ears, he said, “So? What’s the plan? Try with his idiot friends? Give them one more chance, even though they almost ruined it for us?” Bryan waited, holding his breath. Julian made Rabbit nod his head. “Yeah, I thought so too. I mean, what else can I do? Sarah’s coming for dinner. I can’t be mad the whole night. It’ll make it look like me and Bryan are fighting, and when she comes, I want her to see how we get along, right?” Bryan nodded, smiling hard in the hallway. “Right. Okay, forgiveness. I’ll give it a try.” Julian placed Rabbit aside. Bryan took a few steps back and made more noise this time coming down the hall. “Julian?” “I’m here.” Julian hopped off the bed. “I’m all done. Are you all right?” “Yup.” Julian ran his fingers through his hair, pulling it back from

his face. Bryan smiled seductively at him, checked his watch first, then curled his finger in invitation. Julian lit up in excitement and hurried after Bryan. Taking the last of his wine in his mouth, Bryan kissed Julian, giving him the mouthful. Julian swallowed it and opened his eyes in delight. “Wow,” he breathed. Keeping Julian’s lips occupied, Bryan placed the stemware on the nightstand, and unsnapped Julian’s trousers, pushing them down his thighs. Bryan felt Julian start to swoon from the passion. “You make me feel like I’m floating,” Julian said, “You sure know how to touch a guy.” “I learned from you.” Bryan sucked at Julian’s neck under his hair, reaching his hand into the front of his briefs. A moan escaped Julian’s mouth and his head fell back as the sensations overwhelmed him. Bryan wrapped his arms around Julian’s waist and lifted him up in the air, licking and sucking the skin of his neck. As if Julian was awed by Bryan’s strength, he lay limp against him. Bryan placed Julian on his bed and pushed his cotton shirt higher on his chest to get at his abdomen and pelvis. Julian’s gasps were gaining in intensity, and his hips were writhing all over the bed.

With both his hands Julian dug into Bryan’s hair. Peeking up, Bryan noticed Julian raise his head so he was able to watch. Bryan ran kisses lower and lower until they were contacting Julian’s hardness. “God, I love you,” Julian said. Having a feeling the sex would both improve Julian’s mood and reassure him they were a strong couple, Bryan sat up to remove Julian’s jeans. An adoring smile on Bryan’s lips, he mouthed the words back silently to Julian as he lay between Julian’s legs. Julian propped up his head from behind with his hands. Teasing Julian’s cock while taking his balls into his mouth to suck on, wrap his tongue around, Bryan gave them a good tongue bath. Julian whimpered passionately, closing his eyes. “Oh, God…oh, God…” Moving his palm in a rhythm on Julian’s long, hard shaft, Bryan continued sucking at his delicate balls. With his free hand he penetrated Julian with one finger. Julian shot cum out instantly, arching his back and tensing every muscle in his body. “Ah! Ahhh!” Bryan didn’t want to stop. As the pulsating continued from Julian’s body, he tried to prolong Julian’s pleasure, screwing Julian gently with his wet fingertip. “Holy crap I’m going to die.” Julian moaned. “That was so intense, Bryan, it was beyond belief.” When Bryan continued finger-loving Julian after dipping into his

spent cum for lubrication, Julian said, “Don’t stop.” Bryan had no intention and was very glad Julian didn’t want him to. Like a prayer, Julian was repeating softly, “Don’t stop, don’t stop…” While he worked him with his finger, Bryan enveloped the tip of Julian’s cock, tasting the last drop of cum that clung to it. Sitting up higher, Bryan was able to get his cock all the way into his mouth. His tongue went wild around it, lapping it up and down inside his mouth, all the while his slippery finger pushed in deeper. As if he would elevate off of it, Julian reached out to hold the bed, both hands were clenched in an iron grip. “In my whole life I have never felt anything like this.” Julian’s gulp was audible. “Even in my wildest fantasies I never envisioned anyone doing these things to me.” Julian huffed out a gasping breath. “Whatever you want from me you got. Forgive your dorkie friends? Of course!” Bryan smiled as he sucked, feeling Julian’s nut sack harden for climax number two. “Ahh! Ahhhh!” Julian’s sensual gasps started growing in volume and intensity once again. Julian panted like he had been running and couldn’t gain enough air. “Oh, God, oh, God!” Bryan increased his speed and depth, leaning up to plunge Julian all the way into his mouth and throat. When Bryan started to moan from his own growing passion, Julian went wild, bucking under him.

Julian released a howl that echoed in the room. Bryan felt Julian tense his muscles all the way to his toes as he came, once again filling Bryan’s mouth with salty cum. Allowing Julian to recover, Bryan sat back and swallowed the small drop down of cum that had lingered on his tongue. Slowly Bryan removed his finger after massaging Julian’s prostate until the spasms passed. Covered in sweat, Julian appeared delirious. And Bryan was as well. He covered Julian’s nakedness with soft, velvety kisses that made Julian whimper like he had achieved nirvana. When the phone rang, Bryan knew it was Sarah at the intercom. “You all right, baby?” he whispered seductively. “Uhhh huh…” Julian still had not opened his eyes. “Company’s here. Can you come back to earth?” “Uhhh, huh.” But Julian didn’t move. “Good.” With a last kiss on his belly button, Bryan made it upright and reached for the phone. “Hello?” “I’m here!” “I’m buzzing.” He laughed and hit the correct number on the keypad pad. “She’s on her way up.” “Uhhh, huh.” Julian giggled, eyes still closed, not moving. Bryan leaned over him and kissed his lips. “A kiss to awaken Sleeping Beauty.”

Julian’s eyes sprang open. “You are unbelievable.” “Am I?” Bryan started heading to the bathroom to wash his hands and face. “Yes!” Julian leaped up after him to get cleaned up. Bryan stood at the open door to greet Sarah. She approached with a wide smile on her lips, pecking him on the cheek. “I’m very glad there are no hard feelings, Bryan. I really missed our time together.” “Me too, sweetie.” “You and Julian deserved to be happy. You waited long enough.” “Thank you.” Bryan peeked behind him, knowing Julian was in the living room listening. “Maybe Julian will forgive me too. Maybe we could even get to be friends,” she said, “I’d love to buy him a shirt at Christmas.” “You are one silly lady. Come in.” Bryan gestured grandly, opening the door wider for her to enter. She held up a bottle of wine she had brought for him and Bryan took it. “I’ll take your coat,” Julian offered. “Thank you, Julian. Oh, it smells divine. What are we having?” “Lasagna. Spinach lasagna,” Bryan said over his shoulder as he set the wine on the counter. He checked on dinner quickly, tossing

the garlic bread into the oven. Bryan kept watch on the living room as he opened the bottle of wine. He was hoping Julian and Sarah could move on from what had happened. Once Julian had hung up Sarah’s coat, he returned to her with a bounce, rocking on the balls of his feet. She asked, “Am I forgiven, Jules?” “Jules?” He laughed. “Yes, as long as you don’t do it again.” “Swear to God and hope to die.” She crossed her heart. “Cool!” Bryan wondered if Julian was feeling so high on the two orgasms that Sarah could have said something nasty and Julian still would have thought it was ‘Cool!’. “Cool!” She echoed playfully and touched Julian’s arm. “So, how are you guys getting along?” Bryan poured the wine into glasses, still keeping a close eye on the two who were reconciling their differences. “We’re doing better now. Come here. Sit.” Julian waved Sarah over to the leather sofa. Bryan entered the room with two glasses of wine. He handed one to Sarah and one to Julian, then went back for his own. “We’re getting along really great.” Julian tucked his leg under him and sipped the wine. “You know, Sarah, he’s the nicest guy in the world.”

After he took the lasagna out of the oven to set up, Bryan stood at the doorway sipping his wine. Sarah smiled at Bryan. “Yes, he is, Julian. You are one lucky guy.” “I am.” Julian shimmied over and patted the spot next to him. “I’m the lucky one.” Bryan relaxed on the sofa. “You’re wonderful.” Julian leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Why, thank you, kind sir.” Bryan raised his glass, toasting Julian. Sarah sipped her wine observing them. “You two are made for each other.” Julian pumped his fist into the air and cheered, “Finally! She gets it!” Sarah’s cheeks blushed brightly. “I get it, Julian.” “She gets it, Julian.” Bryan teased, winking at Sarah. Bryan noticed Julian fall into a long silence as he and Sarah tried to decide on the best way to approach Jon with his drug problems. Sarah said, “I’m happy to hear Jon offered his apology and seems to be remorseful. You never know with Jon if he’s capable of that emotion for any length of time.” Sarah tilted the last drop of wine on her tongue. “But hey, maybe I’ll be proven wrong.” “He did seem sorry.” Bryan tried to catch Julian’s eye but Julian was lost in a daydream or thinking deeply.

“Let’s arranged a date to try and speak with him, here in the condo, where we can be candid and not be overheard.” Sarah placed her empty glass on the coffee table. Bryan checked Julian again to see his reaction. Julian seemed unfocused or unaware of the conversation around him, the empty wine glass dangling from his fingertips. “Time to eat?” Bryan roused him. He reached for Julian who snapped into reality, clasped his hand and stood. Bryan kissed Julian’s cheek affectionately. Sarah looked away. Bryan hoped he wasn’t inspiring jealousy. While he served up dinner, the phone rang. He licked sauce off his finger and grabbed it, tucking the telephone between his ear and shoulder so he could continue serving. “Hello?” “It’s me. I know you’re eating dinner with Sarah now.” “Hello, Jonnie. Do you want to come for coffee?” Julian bristled in his chair. Bryan stared at Sarah who was gazing at him as he spoke and dished out food simultaneously. “You want me to?” “Yes, dear, or I wouldn’t have asked you.” “Is Julian okay with that?” “Hang on, I’ll ask him.” Bryan asked with wide eyes, playfully exaggerating, “Can Jonnie come over and play?” Julian smiled despite himself. He blushed and checked Sarah’s reaction. She was covering her toothy grin. “What am I supposed to say to that? The guy is a complete dickhead who nearly got you

arrested and me put back in the home.” “And?” Bryan made a silly face. “Forgive him, Julian. It’s easier than living with anger, believe me. I know.” Julian appeared hesitant, understandably. “Whatever.” Bryan winked at Julian and said to Jon, “I got the okay from the boss.” Jon laughed. “Right. When do you want me?” “Give us an hour. Okay, sweet cheeks?” “Great, see ya soon.” Bryan hung up the phone and doled out portions of the lasagna to them. “Thanks, baby.” Inhaling the food, Julian said, “I’ll do anything for you, Bryan.” At their expressions of warmth, Sarah clapped her hands in excitement. “You guys are so cute!” Bryan sat next to Julian. “Golly gee,” he teased, “Aren’t we cute, Julian?” He hugged Julian playfully. With one huge forkful of food already in his mouth, Julian laughed at them both. “You’re lucky I love you so much. You do ask the impossible.” “Ha! If you can forgive me, Julian, you can forgive Jon.” Sarah tasted the food. “Oh, Bry, you did it again. This is really great.” “Don’t tell Jon. He’s the one who’s supposed to be the chef in the family.” Bryan poured them all more wine. “Your secret is safe with me.” She winked and shoved another

bite into her mouth. The food consumed, the wine bottle empty, Sarah helped Bryan clear up and stack the dishes into the dishwasher while Julian started the coffee pot dripping. By the time Bryan had the cookies out of the package and on the tray, the phone rang. “Can you get it, Julian?” he asked sweetly. Everyone knew who it was. Bryan heard Julian take a deep breath before he raised the receiver to his ear and said, “Jon?” A cookie in his hand, Bryan waited, hoping Julian would take the high ground. “No, I will. Hang on.” Julian looked over at Bryan and asked, “Seven, right?” Bryan nodded, smiling at him. “Good job.” Giving Bryan a shy smile in return, Julian replaced the phone in its cradle. Once Bryan finished clearing up the dishes, he peeked into the living room. Sarah was crouching in front of the cassette player. Soon after, her favorite Heart music became audible. Bryan reached out to Julian and drew him closer. “Don’t look like you’re about to have surgery. It’ll be okay, baby.” Julian shivered in Bryan’s arms. “What if he has a gun and he

kills all of us and then himself? Like some mass murderer.” “I love your imagination, you know that? But it’s slightly macabre.” “What?” Julian tilted his head, like he had no idea what the word meant. “Morbid…you know?” Bryan wrapped his arms around him tighter to reassure him. Giving in with a sigh, Julian inhaled his cologne. “Oh, it feels so good to hold you. Like everything is all right.” Bryan smiled to himself. “Because it is, Julian. Everything will be all right. Have a little faith.” “Okay, but if Jon comes out with a handgun, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Julian smiled impishly, so Bryan kissed him, waltzing with him to the music. When there was a knock at the door, Bryan poked his head into the living room. Sarah looked over her shoulder. “Keep dancing. I’ll get it.” Bryan split his attention between Julian and the two meeting in the living room. “Hey, Sarah.” Jon stepped in. “Hi, sweetheart.” She kissed Jon’s cheek and closed the door behind him. “Where are da boyz?” He took off his coat. Bryan squeezed Julian’s shoulder for reassurance.

“Making coffee I think. You okay?” She took Jon’s leather jacket and hung it up in the closet. “Been better, been worse.” He tried to laugh but it came out a cough. “Work the problem?” “Yeah, it’s brutal.” “Sit down. We’ve had a nice dinner. I wish you were here for it. I thought of you the whole way through. Bry made some spinach lasagna that you would have really liked.” With Julian still grinding against his hips as they swayed, Bryan began struggling to slow Julian down. Julian dug his hands into the back of Bryan’s slacks. With Jon waiting in the next room, Bryan pecked Julian’s lips a few times and separated from him. “Okay, baby, we need to continue this fun later on.” Julian was slow to disconnect from Bryan’s body. “Yes. Definitely.” “Get yourself together.” Prying himself apart from Bryan’s hips, Julian stood back, trying to fix his hair and shirt. Bryan waited patiently until Julian nodded, then they both went into the living room together. He noticed Julian and Jon’s gazes lock immediately. It was blatantly obvious that both men needed to adjust their expressions from a frown to a forced smile as they exchanged

greetings. Bryan leaned down to kiss Jon’s cheek as he sat on the couch. “Coffee or wine?” “Wine, please.” Jon nodded in thanks and then looked at Julian’s suspicious stare. Loath to leave them alone, while Bryan was out of the room he heard Jon say, “I don’t blame you for hating me, Julian. I have to earn back your respect.” Bryan opened a fresh bottle of wine and kept his sight on the two potential combatants as he poured. “You didn’t bring a gun here, did you?” Julian’s crossed his arms as he sat in a chair across from Jon and Sarah. Sarah choked. “My gun?” Jon asked, grinning like a demon. “Why, I did. Here it is!” Bryan gasped and stood at the doorway. Jon reached quickly for his crotch. Julian panicked until he found Jon gripping the large bulge between his legs. “Careful! It’s liable to go off and hurt someone,” Jon teased. Sarah roared with laughter. Bryan got over the rush to his heart, and then, he too started to laugh. Balancing a tray with coffee and Jon’s glass of wine, Bryan shook his head. “Can’t leave you two alone for a minute.”

Jon took the stemware as Bryan filled the coffee cups. “Julian is interested in my loaded rod.” Bryan tried to keep a straight face as he handed Julian one of the cups of coffee. “Are you?” “Uh.” It appeared Julian had no idea what to say. “I’d be careful, Jules, Jon’s a lousy shot.” Sarah giggled. “Hey! Nothing wrong with my aim.” Jon nudged Sarah. “Sorry, but I think Julian has only one heated piece on his mind at the moment. Right, baby?” Bryan winked at him. “Uh, are we talking about guns or dicks?” Julian tilted his head, blowing on his coffee. “Okay, I’ll admit it, Bry, you have one adorable foster kid.” Bryan sat down on the floor at Julian’s feet. “I know, Jonnie. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” “Oh, picturing the two of you humping makes me want to cream.” Jon moaned. “Jon’s back!” Bryan raised his mug in glee. “Hello, Mr. Stubbs. What took you so long to come back to us?” “I know. I’m sorry.” Jon lowered his head in shame. “I just love you so much, Bry, it killed me. You know?” At the sadness on his friend’s face, Bryan lost his silly grin to an adoring one. Behind him, Julian combed his fingers into his hair, petting him affectionately. “And I love you too, Jonnie. I always will. Nothing will stop it. Oh, nothing except a nasty cocaine habit, attempt rape and trying to get CPS to take Julian away.”

“That’s subtle.” Sarah choked in a laugh. “I’m not on the shit.” Jon tried to deny it instantly. “Now, Jon, don’t be stubborn. We know you too well,” Bryan said. Jon’s gaze went from Bryan, to Sarah, and then finally to Julian. Bryan peeked over his shoulder. It seemed Julian was lost on the length and texture of Bryan’s hair. Jon replied, “Yes. All right? I may snort a little. But I didn’t have any since Monday. Honest. I know it fucks me up. I just can’t sleep and I need to get through the fucking shift at work.” “I have some valiums. Take them to sleep,” Bryan said. “Oh, great, get him addicted to those instead.” Sarah tipped more coffee into her mug. “No, I’ll only give him one at a time.” Bryan leaned back against Julian’s legs, then turned his head to see him again. “You all right, baby?” “Yes.” Julian gathered Bryan’s hair into a ponytail. Jon said, “Fine. I’ll take one pill home. If you think it’ll help. I just don’t want to feel groggy from them.” “I promise you won’t. And I don’t think I’ll be needing them anymore.” “Why?” Sarah asked, tucking her leg under her. “Because,” Bryan said. “Because Bryan doesn’t want to die now.” Julian tugged on

Bryan’s hair. Both Sarah and Jon appeared upset. Julian reached around Bryan’s neck from behind and kissed his cheek. “Geez, Bry. I thought you were done feeling like that,” Jon said. “I am. Now.” Bryan reached back and nuzzled Julian, who was hugging him, burying his face into his hair. Sarah’s mouth formed a pout. “How could either Jon or I think that Julian is not good for you?” “All right. Enough depressing crap. So, we have a plan to get Jon off coke and we have Julian to get me off suicide. What a productive evening.” “Right. Let’s play a game.” Jon set his glass down and rubbed his hands together excitedly. “What game?” Sarah leaned toward Jon. “Poker!” Jon’s eyes lit up devilishly. Bryan leaned against Julian and asked, “You know how to play poker?” “No. I just want to inhale and touch you.” Jon stood. “We need a deck of cards and more booze.” “Top drawer of the desk for cards, inside the kitchen cabinet for booze,” Bryan replied. “Right!”

When they had asked him if he played poker, Julian assumed it would be a boring card game. How wrong he was. Clad in only her bra, panties, and skirt, Sarah sat on the floor. Jon was down to just his briefs and not happy about it, while Bryan was topless. Having only lost his shoes and socks, Julian was fully clothed, had a handful of hearts, and an empty shot glass of tequila. One drink. He had quietly not slid into inebriation as the other three had. The humor was not lost on Julian, and he could see by their interactions how close this little trio of friends was. He completely understood why Bryan was willing to forgive. “Whose idea was this stupid game?” Jon slurred as he laid three cards down. “Yours!” both Sarah and Bryan replied, laughing. “It’s freezing!” Sarah rubbed her arms. Julian could see the goose bumps on them from where he sat, on the floor near Bryan. “I’ll crank up the heat.” Bryan stood and stumbled to the thermostat. When he flopped back to the floor beside Julian, Bryan asked, “Whose turn is it?” “Yours.” Julian grinned at Bryan. He’d never seen him this drunk. Bryan showed a pair of queens. “Suck on that.” Jon revealed two pair; twos and jacks. Sarah slapped down a half of a flush and nothing else.

They waited for Julian who was smiling behind his cards. “Oh, no.” Jon shook his head, staring at his sole piece of attire. “You can’t beat two pairs!” “Can you?” Bryan tried to peek into Julian’s hand. With delight, Julian spread his flush on the carpet in front of them. “Oh, for cryin’ out loud.” Jon moaned. “Holy shit. You said you never played this game before?” Sarah struggled to stay seated upright. She appeared to be slowly giving into gravity, lying on the rug. “Okay then.” Bryan swayed as he stood, unfastening his trousers. While Julian licked his lips in anticipation, he noticed the other two riveted to Bryan’s actions. The pants dropped to his ankles revealing his white Calvin Klein’s. “You are so unbelievable.” Jon pinched his own cock through his briefs. “Isn’t he?” Julian said smugly. “Allow me, Sarah.” Julian poured more tequila for the three losers. Sarah unhooked her skirt. “Man, I’m glad I had layers on.” “Shit.” Jon peered down at himself. “Does this mean I’m out?” “We’ll give you one more hand in the buff. Then you’re gone.” Bryan raised his shot glass and tossed the tequila down his throat with a shiver.

“Fuck me. I never lose.” Jon managed to get to his knees and dragged his briefs down his legs as all the eyes were on him. “Man, you have a big dick.” Sarah giggled. Julian couldn’t believe how wasted they all were. “That’s ‘cause it’s hard.” Bryan flopped down onto the floor near Julian. “That’s ‘cause of you.” Jon pointed at Bryan and raised his shot glass reluctantly. “Oh, Christ, down the fucking hatch.” Julian watched Jon consume the alcohol, then stared at his cock. With Jon completely naked, Julian was able to inspect the selection of tattoos on him. Jon had one surrounding his right biceps of a ring of barbed wire, then another on his cock; a small heart with a dagger through it. “Bet that hurt,” Julian nodded to it. “Like a motherfucker.” Jon managed to sit back down without toppling backwards. Sarah shot her tequila down and choked. “Man, that sucks.” She wiped her lips with the back of her hand. “I thought we’d get the kid drunk and he’s getting us drunk.” “Yeah. I had a feeling you wanted the novice to strip.” Julian smiled as he inspected each of them. One naked drunk on his ass; one in her bra and panties, near passing out; and one incredible male in his briefs, holding his own—and not too drunk either. Jon said impatiently, “Someone win and get the kid to take off his clothes, gardamnit.” “Go, Julian!” Bryan cheered as he dealt the cards.

“You shuffled them?” Sarah asked. “I always get a crap hand. Did you shuffle them?” “Yes. You saw me shuffle.” Julian did not see Bryan shuffle, and could tell Bryan could barely read his own hand as he held his cards, first close, then far away, squinting. Picking up his pile, Julian inspected his cards; two aces appeared. He tried not to smile. He felt Jon watching him closely. “Fuck you! What have you got, Julian?” Julian held his cards to his chest protectively. “Nothing.” “There goes my bra.” Sarah moaned. “Shush.” Bryan picked up the deck. “Okay, baby, how many?” “Three.” Julian was hoping for another ace. Bryan gave him three cards. “Next?” “Two.” Jon signaled with his fingers as well as his voice. “Two cards for the man with the big dick. You, lady?” “Uh…wait…two…no! Three.” “Three for the lady who’s going to be removing her bra.” “You shut up,” she warned, then laughed hysterically. Bryan took two and then they all studied their hands silently. “Go ahead, Julian O’Butthead,” Jon teased. “Okay, Tattoo Dickman.” Julian laughed. “Three aces.” He laid them out in a neat spread on the carpet.

“Oh, fuck me!” Jon threw down his hand in frustration. “I’m done.” Sarah did the same. Bryan stared at Julian in astonishment. “Are you cheating?” “Cheating? How could I cheat when I just learned how to play?” Julian asked. “I don’t know?” Bryan’s forehead wrinkled as he tried to solve the riddle. “I’m done.” Jon stood up unsteadily and flopped back on the couch. Unhooking her bra, Sarah dangled it in front of them. “No more shots for me. I’m going to puke.” Pointing his finger in warning, Bryan said to Julian, “You’ll get it later.” “I’m hoping you’re not too smashed.” Julian smirked. With an unsteady attempt, Bryan made it upright and stuck his thumbs into his briefs. While Julian held his breath, he spotted Jon riveted to Bryan. “Oh, yes! Let me see one of the seven wonders again.” “Bryan,” Julian said, “If we’re done playing, you don’t have to take them off.” He took a paranoid glance at Sarah and Jon and found them wiping drool off their chins in anticipation. “Fair is fair.” Bryan peeled his briefs off and stepped out of them. “Are we done? I think we know who won.” Sarah gestured to

Julian. Bryan stood in the center of the room, looking around. “Stop playing with yourself, Stubbs.” “No. I want to play while I stare at you. Fuck you,” he slurred. “Oh geez!” Sarah held up her hand to shield her from Jon’s act. “If Principal Gonzalez could see me now. Ha!” Julian gathered the cards together, kneeling upright. “Are we done? Or do you all have to drink one more shot?” “Listen to Cupid over there.” Jon nodded to him. “You drink one. You’re stone sober.” “No matter how much you rub that tattoo it won’t come off, Jon.” Julian laughed as Jon continued to masturbate. “He thinks he’s funny, Bryan.” Jon laughed. “Stand closer, you gorgeous fucker.” He waved to Bryan. “Don’t get cum on my couch,” Bryan said, laughing. “I won’t, I’ll be very careful.” “You really can cum with all of us watching you?” Sarah sat up in alarm. “I don’t know whether to be shocked or impressed.” “Impressed,” Jon said. “I think I’d be a great porn star. I can work under pressure. And under men. Play with yourself, Bry.” Julian replaced the cards into the box they came in, capped the tequila and waited to see how far Jon would go. “Stubbs. Behave.” Bryan wagged his finger at him. Seeing Jon had no intention of ‘behaving’, Julian crawled on his

knees in front of Bryan and took his cock into his mouth. As he sucked, Julian peeked back at the other two. “Jesus Christ!” Sarah choked. “Oh, holy shit!” Jon started working himself in earnest. Bryan nearly fell over backwards, grabbing Julian’s head for balance, then he closed his eyes and parted his lips in a gasp. Julian moaned sensually as he held Bryan’s ass cheeks in both hands and shoved his cock deep into his mouth. A split second later, Julian heard Jon come with a grunt. When Julian was able to peek, he saw Sarah turning her head from one scene to the other with her jaw hanging open. As Bryan climaxed the other two were glued to his reaction. Bryan held onto Julian for balance and showed his teeth in his sensuous snarl. Yes. You’re mine. All. Mine . In ecstasy, Julian swallowed, milking Bryan strongly before sitting back on his heels to stare up at him. “Oh, my-fucking-God.” Jon moaned. “Can I live here?” Sarah shivered visibly. “Ditto.” “The winner claimed the prize.” Julian wiped his saliva off Bryan’s cock for him. It took time for Bryan to come around. He blinked and steadied his footing. “Julian!” “Don’t yell at him.” Jon cupped his hand over his own spill. “That was worth its weight in gold.”

When the phone rang they all froze or jumped. For some horrible reason, Julian thought of CPS. Jon said, “Could it be your parents, Bry?” “Fuck.” Bryan hopped into his briefs. “No. They never call.” “Calm down. You want me to get it?” Jon asked, using his sock to clean up the cum on his stomach. “No, I can.” Julian checked the time. It was after nine. Hopping on one leg as he put on his pants, Bryan leaned over the caller ID the display. “It says, ‘unknown caller’.” Julian held his breath. “Hello?” Bryan looked pale. As everyone got dressed, Julian gulped and kept his gaze on Bryan. “Elliot? Oh! Lawyer Elliot. We’re fine.” Bryan clarified to Sarah and Jon, “It’s my lawyer.” Julian exhaled but tried not to let his guard down too much. Jon said, “His lawyer? This late? Something must be wrong.” He put his watch back on and buttoned his shirt. Julian stacked the shot glasses and brought them into the kitchen where Bryan ended up. “No, we’re both fine. Some friends are here, that’s all. It’s fine.” Bryan ran his fingers through his hair looking nervous. Julian placed the glasses in the sink and leaned on the threshold

between rooms where he could hear both Bryan and the other two who were still in the living room. Sarah finished dressing and then slumped back to the floor. “I’m so fucking drunk I can’t move. I may even throw up.” “I’m crashing here on the couch. There’s no way I’m getting into a car. Bryan won’t mind.” “I feel sick.” Sarah held her stomach. “Oh, shit.” Jon grabbed her and hurried her out of the room. Julian shook his head. “That’s why I don’t drink that much.” He tuned into Bryan’s conversation again. “Yes, I would like that. Dinner sounds great. Uh…what’s today? Friday, that’s right. Sure, tomorrow night would be excellent. Yes, as a matter of fact, a good buddy of mine is head chef at the al Rago near Greenlake. Yes. That’s the one. Excellent. I’ll make reservations for about seven. Right. Meet you there. Bye.” When Bryan disconnected the phone, Julian said, “You acted straight. How do you do it?” “I have no fricken clue.” Bryan held onto the counter to steady himself. “That lawyer guy wants to have dinner with us?” Julian made sure the coffee pot was shut off and the dishes were all in the sink. Bryan reached for him to cuddle. “Thanks for cleaning up.” “No problem. You guys always get wasted and play strip poker?” He escorted Bryan back into the living room. “No, never. As a matter of fact, this is the first time I’ve ever

played it.” Bryan looked around. “Where’d everyone go?” “I think Sarah is tossing her cookies.” “Ew.” Bryan held his stomach and both he and Julian tiptoed down the hall. While Sarah heaved her guts out, Jon tried to be sympathetic. “Poor thing. Looks like both of you guys are going to crash here for the night.” Bryan leaned on Julian for support. “Thanks, Bry.” Jon caressed Sarah’s back as she took a break from vomiting. “I don’t think either of us is up to leaving.” Bryan asked Julian, “You mind, baby?” “No. Why would I mind?” “Good boy. See. I told you everything would be okay.” Sarah took the washcloth Jon offered and wiped her face. “Where will we put them?” Julian asked. “In your bed. You sleep with me.” “My bed?” Julian cringed. “They’ll get puke on it.” Jon said, “No. We won’t. I promise.” Bryan held Julian tight. “Okay? We’ll clean the sheets after, don’t worry.” “No, it’s not that, it’s…” Julian hurried to his room before Bryan could say another word. He dug his stuffed rabbit out of the pillows and tried to think of where to hide him. Hearing the others talking together, Julian raced to Bryan’s room and stuck him under the blankets of the bed. He knew Bryan was

aware of his little security bunny, but like hell he’d let Jon and Sarah know. When the stuffed toy was hidden, Julian returned. “You look like shit.” Bryan shook his head at Sarah. “It matches the way I feel.” She moaned. “Never again.” “Come, let’s get you in bed.” Bryan reached out to her and he and Jon helped Sarah into Julian’s queen-sized bed. She groaned and curled under the blankets. “You mind sleeping with her?” Bryan asked Jon. “No. Though I’d prefer your bed, but three’s a crowd, right?” “I love you.” Bryan giggled and roughed Jon up. Jon moaned in agony playfully, then reached around Bryan’s waist to embrace him. “And I love you, gorgeous.” He purred like a cat. “Uh hum?” Julian stood at the doorway, tapping his foot. “Goodnight, Mr. Stubbs.” Bryan kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, Mr. Tyler.” Bryan received a kiss back. Jon looked at Julian. “Goodnight, little prince.” Seeing Bryan’s trepidation, Julian moved across the room and hugged Jon tightly. Jon hummed and squeezed him, whispering, “Sweet dreams, sweetheart.” “Goodnight, Jon.” Julian smiled at him. Julian directed Bryan towards their own room, hearing Jon say, “You puke on me and I’ll kill you,” to Sarah. Julian chuckled and watched as Bryan made an attempt at

brushing his teeth and washing up. Julian assumed Bryan was still drunk and unsteady on his feet. While Julian undressed he shook his head at Bryan, taking his turn at washing up. Julian came back from the bathroom and found Bryan in bed having a chat with Rabbit. Julian had forgotten about him and the blush went to his cheeks in a hurry. “I think Julian has learned a lot today, Mr. Bunny.” Bryan had both the Rabbit’s paws in his hands. “He’s learned that forgiveness can be a really fun thing and that friends are so much better than enemies.” Julian climbed into bed to lean on Bryan, staring at his silly Rabbit. Bryan put his hand behind Rabbit’s head and made like he was talking. “Right, cutie? Mr. Bunny says, you did real good in cards tonight.” “His name’s Rabbit. Not Mr. Bunny.” “Oh, Rabbit. I like him. He’s very cuddly.” Bryan gave him a hug. Julian smiled at the sight. “He got me through some tough times. I know it’s dumb, but I can’t part with him. You think I’m a baby?” “No. Here, hang on to him.” Bryan climbed out of bed and dug through a drawer. He held up a worn out old bear and brought him to bed with him. “Rabbit, I’d like you to meet Pooh.” Julian was absolutely in awe. “Hello, Pooh.”

Bryan made Pooh shake their hands. “You’re both mental.” At the sound of his voice, Bryan and Julian spun to the door to find Jon standing there. As fast as humanly possible, they hid the stuffed animals. “Yes, dear?” Bryan asked. “Aspirins?” “Right.” Bryan climbed out of the bed and headed to the bathroom medicine cabinet. Julian couldn’t meet Jon’s eyes, it was too embarrassing. “You both realize this is going to give me hours of teasing time.” Jon laughed. “Here.” Bryan handed Jon the pills. “Here’s four. I’d give you the bottle, but you may grind them up and snort them.” “I’d be careful with the teasing, Christopher Robbins.” “Err, right. You won’t tell anyone about Pooh, will you?” Bryan smiled meekly. “Ha!” Jon started walking down the hall. “Ha! Ha!” Bryan stared after him, looking ill. “Shit.” He closed the door and locked it this time, returning to bed. “We’re dead,” Julian said. “I know,” Bryan agreed. “That’s okay, we can tell people he jerked off on my couch after losing at poker.” “Good one.”

“Night, baby. Night, Rabbit.” Bryan kissed Julian. Julian uncovered both animals and placed them between them. “Night, Bryan, night, Pooh.”

Chapter Thirteen The next morning came cruel and hard. Bryan wasn’t particularly good at mornings to begin with, and this one was agony. Lucky Julian was the only soul in the condo not hung-over. When Bryan blinked his eyes open to the gray morning, he rolled over to see his lover’s sweet face. Julian used a light touch of fingertips to rub over Bryan’s chin stubble. “Hi, Bryan. Wanna fuck?” Choking with laughter, Bryan gazed into that wicked, blue-eyed stare. “Morning, baby. You have a woodie?” “I’m hard as a rock. Feel it.” Julian dug under the covers to find Bryan’s hand. “You want me to just jerk off?” Managing to raise himself up on his elbows, Bryan shook his head. “No, I’ll let you in, baby. Let me just wash up and have a piss.” “Good!” Julian wiggled excitedly in bed. Sarah moaned as she felt something rattling the bed. Her head was pounding. Hoping the shaking bed was not an earthquake, she squinted in the bright light to see Jon lying face up, next to her. His eyes were closed, but his mouth was open. The bed was still rocking up and down. Sitting up, Sarah tried to figure out what the

weird vibration was all about. If it was an earthquake she’d scream. Investigating Jon as closely as she dared, she finally realized he was jerking off under the sheets. “Again?” Jon peeked at her quickly, then said, “Shhh, I’m almost there.” With two fingers, Sarah pinched the blankets, peeling them back to reveal Jon working himself, thighs spread wide, knees bent. Since Jon didn’t object, Sarah observed. When was the last time she was in bed with a naked man? Especially one as good looking as Jon? I better not think in time gaps that large. I’ll get depressed. Impulsively, she reached between Jon’s legs and played with his balls. Jon’s eyes sprang open in surprise and he appeared as if he was about to yell at her, then obviously decided it felt good, and shut up. Sarah had to admit she loved every minute of it. I’m a fag-hag. I surround myself with men I can’t have. Oh well. At least I’m groping a hot set of nuts. Jon came, spraying creamy ropes of spunk, grunting and continuing to work himself gently. Sitting back, Sarah tried to tame her hair, which she knew must be sticking out at all angles. “You’re a mess now.” Jon peeked down at the spill. “Watch this.” He pinched a white blob in his fingers and swallowed it, grinning demonically at her. “Aaaugh! Gross! Stubbs you are too gross!” She hopped out of bed and wriggled in revulsion. “What?” He gestured at her innocently, but she knew that

demonic grin. “Sick!” Shaking her head, Sarah went into the bathroom to wash up, hearing him giggle at making her squeamish. Julian knelt behind Bryan, pumping into his ass deliciously. Vague sounds of Sarah’s voice came through the wall, so Julian assumed she and Jon were up, and tried to hurry. Bryan said, “They can wait, baby, you take your time.” “Good.” Julian held Bryan by the hips tightly and watched as his cock penetrated him. That sight put Julian over the edge. “Doesn’t matter. I’m there.” Julian came and closed his eyes, pushing in deeply. “Wow.” “Good one, my love?” “Holy shit.” Julian pulled out reluctantly and sat back on his heels, trying to recuperate. Bryan rolled to his back and spread his legs, placing Julian between them. “Stay there.” Slowly prying off the spent condom, Julian nodded and watched as Bryan got a hold of himself, staring at Julian as he fisted himself. Julian dropped the used rubber on the floor, nuzzling his face into Bryan’s balls, licking the inside of his thighs. “I’m there. Oh, baby. You are so amazing.” Bryan came, trying to catch his breath while Julian played with the sticky white puddle on his belly. When the phone rang Julian jumped in terror. Maybe it was

because he and Bryan had just made love and they were naked. It was still taboo even though both he and Bryan obviously wanted to do it. Checking the caller ID, Bryan picked it up. “Hello?” Julian was close enough to hear a woman’s voice on the other end. Covering his crotch with his hand, Bryan bolted upright and it scared the hell out of Julian. “Yes?” Bryan checked the clock. So did Julian. It was after nine. Bryan stared directly at Julian when he said, “No! No, not at all, Ms. Lewis. Is something wrong?” Hearing it was the social worker, Julian sat very still, staring at Bryan as he began shaking nervously. After clearing his throat, Bryan replied, “Oh, right. Uh. Today’s not good. I’ve had some company stay over last night. Is tomorrow okay?” Bryan dabbed at a drop of sweat running down his temple. Julian didn’t realize he was holding his breath and released it. “Yes. Monday or Tuesday would be fine.” Bryan met Julian’s gaze. “Ms. Lewis, you’re sure nothing is wrong? I, I mean, you’re not coming with the police or anything?” Bryan swallowed audibly. Julian heard the dry gulp from where he sat. Bryan exhaled loudly. “Oh, right…either Monday or Tuesday is fine. Tuesday at seven pm. All right. Yes. Bye.” Bryan hung up and wiped the sweat off his palm on the sheets. “You okay?” Julian had a bad feeling in his gut.

“Yes. It was your social worker, Ms. Lewis. She’s just coming for her monthly visit. She promised me that was all it was.” Julian knew neither of them was convinced of that. He wiped the nervous sweat off his face as well. “Let’s shower.” Julian climbed off the bed and reached for him. By the time Bryan and Julian finished getting ready, Bryan could smell food cooking and coffee brewing. He and Julian exchanged glances as they headed to the kitchen. Jon was whipping up breakfast as Sarah watched from the kitchen table, sipping a cup of coffee. Sizzling breakfast meats were on the griddle while Jon flipped pancakes into the air. Bryan paused at the threshold with Julian to take in the domestic sight. Sarah winked at Bryan and said to Jon, “A man that can cook. Jon, will you marry me?” He laughed. “Can you grow a dick?” “No, unfortunately. You did wash your hands, didn’t you?” “Yes, Mother.” Jon spun around and met Bryan’s eyes. “Coffee’s ready.” He nodded to the pot. “Thanks, Jon.” Bryan poured two cups full, handing one to Julian. Sarah said, “I heard the phone ring and when I checked the display it read Snohomish County. I hate to ask.”

“It’s okay.” Bryan sat next to her at the table. “Just a visit from our care worker.” Julian sniffed the air. “Mm. That smells really good, Jon.” “That’s one of the perks of being best buddies with a five star chef, Jules.” Sarah grinned. “Banana pancakes. Dig in.” Jon placed a plate on the table which held a stack of fluffy pancakes and a load of bacon and sausages. Julian licked his chops hungrily, waiting his turn. Jon brought warmed maple syrup to them. “Are we there? Have everything we need?” “Come here.” Bryan craned his finger. Jon smiled shyly and closed the gap between them. Waving Jon down, Bryan kissed Jon on the cheek. “Thank you.” “Stop seducing the cook.” Jon smirked. “Can’t help it. You know it’s the way to a man’s heart.” Bryan took a bite of food. “Oh, speaking about cooking. I invited my hunky lawyer friend to your restaurant tonight at seven. Make reservations for us, okay?” “Sure.” Jon checked his watch mechanically. “Hunky? Really?” “He’s very nice” Julian stirred sugar into his cup. Sarah moaned. “Oh, man, these pancakes are great. Sit and eat, chef.” “Don’t mind if I do.” Jon topped off everyone’s coffee cup

before he joined them. “Thanks, Jon.” Julian smiled between bites. “I’m glad we’re friends now.” “Me too, hot stuff.” Jon stuffed a big piece of sausage into his mouth, grinning wickedly. “Stop showing off,” Bryan said. Jon winked at him.

Chapter Fourteen That evening the sun made a very brief appearance right before it set over Phinney Ridge. The pinkness of the sky reflected in Greenlake’s placid surface causing the evergreens to seem as if they were sandwiched in salmon colored layers. Bryan and Julian paused to take it in, standing on the tar path as power-walkers tried to make their way around the circumference before the next rain shower. In contemplative silence Bryan stared at the sunset, knowing it would vanish completely in a matter of seconds. The wind whipped Bryan’s long hair, trying to hide his view. Bryan heard someone shouting his name. Elliot was just about to enter the restaurant and spotted them, waving at them. Bryan and Julian waited at a crosswalk, then sprinted between the heavy flow of traffic. Elliot reached out his hand and shook Bryan’s, then Julian’s. When Elliot turned his back to open the restaurant door, Bryan exchanged smiles with Julian, gesturing for Julian to follow Elliot inside. The minute Louis, the manager, met Bryan’s gaze he greeted him excitedly and escorted the men over to a table overlooking the lake. Elliot appeared impressed with the reception, as was Julian.

“Mr. Tyler, a pleasure to see you and your friends,” Louis said. The men made themselves comfortable, taking off their jackets to drape over the backs of the chairs. Elliot leaned across over the tiny candle to whisper, “Uh, are you a regular, ‘Mr. Tyler’?” “I spent a few evenings here before, yes.” Bryan smiled shyly. Louis returned with a bottle of wine, knowing Bryan’s favorite, and poured two glasses, before the host took a skeptical look at Julian. “He’s eighteen,” Bryan said. “I won’t ask you to compromise yourself, Louis.” “You’re a good man. Not that I wouldn’t love to, but the license…you know.” “Not a problem. You have a glass of fruit juice?” Louis nodded and left them quickly. Elliot leaned over the table again and asked, “Eighteen?” Bryan could see Julian’s blush even in the candlelight. He nodded at Elliot and winked. “Yup. You got it?” Acting as a fellow conspirator, Elliot laughed, picking up a menu. “I got it.” “You won’t need that.” Bryan nudged the menu back down. “I won’t?” Elliot opened his mouth, Bryan assumed to ask why, when Jon appeared at the table. As if he didn’t know the real man under the white uniform and

hat, Julian said, “Look at you!” “Gentlemen.” Jon bowed. Bryan gestured to Elliot for an introduction. “Jon, this is Elliot Pinder, my attorney.” Jon reached out his hand. “You’re adorable. Are you gay?” “Jon,” Bryan scolded, glimpsing at Elliot quickly. “Yes.” Elliot smiled brightly. “Are you?” “Yes!” Jon answered. His mouth agape, Julian turned from one to the other like a pingpong match. “Single?” Jon asked. “Jon Stubbs.” Bryan hoped this conversation didn’t upset Elliot. “Yes,” Elliot answered, “You?” “Yes. Free and easy. I want you.” Elliot cracked up. “Jon!” Bryan gave Jon a push, when mere verbal commands were failing miserably. “Call me.” Jon handed Elliot a card. “Write my home phone on there, Bry…be a doll.” Bryan was trying not to fume. “Yes, dear. Now, go cook something and stop seducing my attorney.” “Oh. Is that what I do here?” Jon teased, touching his bottom lip. “I can’t wait to get my hands on you.” He leered at Elliot. Elliot choked with laughter as Julian gasped in shock. Humiliated

by his obnoxious friend, Bryan just rubbed his eyes tiredly, moaning, “Jon…” Jon appeared serious finally. “Okay, enough flirting. Your first course will be wild green salad with Gorgonzola and candied walnuts vinaigrette, polenta with wild mushrooms, and garlic and basil prawns.” Glad that Jon was acting normal once again, Bryan made a hungry humming sound as Elliot nodded, appearing impressed. Julian whispered into Bryan’s ear, “I have no idea what Jon’s saying, but I know it’ll taste fantastic.” “It will.” Bryan squeezed Julian’s leg. “Does that sound good?” Jon smiled proudly. “Back with the first course soon.” He threw Elliot a kiss and vanished. Bryan handed Louis the menus they didn’t need, and sipped his wine. “Sorry, Elliot. I had no idea he’d behave that way.” With his calming smile, Elliot raised his glass. “Don’t worry, Bryan. I don’t mind.” Julian gulped his juice thirstily. “He’s a great guy. You like tattoos?” Bryan’s eyes widened in panic, hoping the fact that Julian knew Jon had tattoos didn’t tip Elliot off to the fact that Julian had seen Jon nude. “Yes, Julian. I like them.” “Well, he’s got two. One on his arm and one—” “Julian!” Bryan tried to cut that mess off quickly. “Elliot will learn

soon enough where Jon’s tattoos are, if and when, he chooses.” Sitting on his hands in a guilty response, Julian stayed still. “Did I say something wrong?” Simultaneously, Elliot said, ‘No,’ and Bryan said, ‘Yes.’ “Anyway…” Elliot tried to change the subject. “How are you two getting along?” Julian’s pout quickly transformed into a look of mushy love. “Very well, Elliot,” Bryan said, “Better than either of us could have hoped for. Yolanda Lewis called this morning. She’s checking on us Tuesday. Should we be concerned?” “No. Not that I know of. The court papers stated you must have bi-monthly checks by Snohomish personnel until Julian turns sixteen. That’s not a surprise. Other than that, you should have heard nothing unusual.” Bryan paused a moment, then said, “That’s Jon Stubbs. The Jon Stubbs.” It took Elliot a moment to get what Bryan was indicating. Then it seemed to dawn on him. “The Jon Stubbs who began this whole mess for you? The one who assaulted you?” “You still want to kiss him?” Julian smiled impishly. “Isn’t there a court order separating you?” Elliot sat up straighter. “I think it’s a temporary order. It doesn’t matter. Neither of us will enforce it.” “It does matter. I better get it quashed.” Elliot looked dead

serious. Bryan was alarmed. “Really?” “Yes. Jon could be arrested for just being near you.” “That’s silly.” Bryan shook his head. “If no one calls the police, how will anyone know there’s an order?” As if looking out for police, Julian checked around the restaurant. It was extremely noisy as the small room filled quickly. Elliot said, “I see your point, Bryan, but I still want it out of the system if you two have worked it out.” “We have. Completely.” “Julian?” Elliot obviously wanted to check with him as well. “Hmmm?” Julian snapped back to attention. “Oh, I like him. He’s really fun. No, I’m not scared of him or anything. I think you guys would make a great couple.” Elliot appeared to be thinking about it. “I read that report. Jon had attempted to assault you, Bryan, and scratched you up in the process.” Bryan flinched. Maybe having Elliot meet them here was a bad idea. “Then Jon called CPS with a false report against you and Julian, almost making you lose Julian forever. What am I not getting here, Bryan?” Julian leaned over to speak to Elliot, “You want to know the secret, Elliot?”

As Bryan panicked, Elliot did not look amused. “Yes, Julian.” Elliot mirrored Julian’s posture. “Forgiveness.” Julian glowed innocently. Elliot sat back and checked Bryan’s expression. “I see.” Before Bryan could comment further, Jon appeared beside them with a steaming tray. He set a salad in front of each, then the other appetizers on the table. Handing off his tray to a busboy, Jon served portions of the two hot starters to each. When he was done, Jon stood back. “Try it.” Bryan dug in instantly, only to be beaten by Julian. They both groaned sensuously. Jon said to Elliot, “Go on. Taste it, gorgeous.” Bryan swallowed nervously, thinking Elliot’s opinion of Jon may have changed. Elliot studied Jon carefully first before he took a nibble. “You made this?” Arms crossed over his chest, Jon gestured comically, “No! I’m the garbage man.” “It is good. Very good,” Elliot said. Jon moved around the table to crouch next to Elliot. “Need a wife, hot stuff?” Elliot’s eyes widened to two saucers at the forward comment. Jon hand fed Elliot ate another bite. Once Elliot chewed and swallowed, he said, “I don’t care if you

are a madman.” “I’m a madman who’s about to suck on that fabulous mouth of yours.” Jon grinned. Elliot took a quick glance around the room. “Later?” Jon checked his watch. “Much later? Like three am?” Elliot nodded, smiling. “No problem.” Standing tall again, gloating, Jon appeared victorious. “Okay, next course will be, gentlemen…” Bryan exhaled with relief. Stubbs, you did it again, you flirt. After the three guests had consumed an ungodly amount of gourmet food, Bryan heard Julian burp as he tried to eat the last creamy bite of tiramisu. Scraping the plate with his fork, Julian was reclining, his top button undone, rubbing his belly. Jon emerged to say goodbye. The three men applauded him vigorously. Jon bowed as the rest of the patrons stared in curiosity at them. “Thank you, thank you.” Jon positioned himself behind Elliot’s left shoulder, nudging Elliot with his hip seductively. “Have I got all your personal info, sir?” Bryan watched as Jon’s hand made its way on the back of Elliot’s neck. Elliot shivered visibly as if the touch had sent a nice sensuous chill over him.

“I hope so. So, after your shift, you’re coming by?” “I am. Get some sleep. I’ll wake you up with a call on my way.” Bryan smiled contentedly as Elliot and Jon confirmed their plans. He hoped they succeeded as a couple. They seemed really suited for each other and Jon needed someone stable in his life. Elliot Pinder was very grounded. Glancing at Julian to see his expression, Bryan thought he appeared enthralled. Perhaps it was odd watching men flirt. “Right. Back to my unruly staff.” Jon smiled tiredly. Elliot patted Jon’s bottom as he walked away and Jon spun around quickly to throw Elliot a kiss before he disappeared behind the swinging doors. Bryan paid the bill prior to it reaching the table. Elliot tried to argue, but he was cut off quickly and ended up just graciously thanking Bryan. Julian yawned as he stood, sliding his jacket on. Bryan imagined Julian and Elliot felt as stuffed as he did. Managing to get to his feet, Bryan escorted Julian outside the restaurant and stood in the cool night air. It was nearly ten. They had sat and consumed food for almost three hours. Elliot stretched his arms over his head tiredly. “I have never eaten a meal like that in my life. Jon is a fabulous cook.” “I know. And one hell of a guy. Really, he is. Forget this blip.” Bryan zipped his leather jacket. “I’ve known Jon for ages and he’s

never done anything like this before. He’s under a lot of stress, that’s all.” “I’ll give him a chance, Bryan. I promise.” Julian yawned again and leaned against Bryan in exhaustion. “I need to get this tired puppy home. Nice to see you, Elliot. Have fun with Jon tonight.” Bryan and Elliot shook hands and Julian waved goodbye as he and Bryan walked to the street where the Corvette was parked. Bryan put his arm around Julian and squeezed him close. When they arrived home they were both drained and ready for bed. Washing up quickly, Bryan and Julian cuddled naked against each other in Bryan’s bed. Before Julian nodded off he said, “I think Jon and Elliot are going to be very happy together.” Bryan smiled and embraced him tightly under the sheets. “Me too. I always knew the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. This proves it.” Julian mumbled, “His penis, not his stomach.” Bryan smiled. “Yup. Got that right.”

Chapter Fifteen Tuesday evening Julian dressed up in his new slacks and a cotton button-down shirt. Bryan made a fresh pot of coffee and had prepared a chocolate cake, sliced and ready. When the phone buzzed, Bryan hit the entry code and Julian sprinted to the door to greet her. Ms. Lewis’ big smile appeared and she gestured to Julian’s outfit. “Look how handsome you look. Very nice, Julian.” “Thank you, Ms. Lewis. Let me take your coat.” Julian showed her in. As Julian hung up her jacket, Bryan poked his head into the living room. “Hello, Ms. Lewis. Can I get you a cup of coffee?” “Yes. Thank you, Bryan.” She made herself comfortable on the sofa. Julian felt confident this time. He didn’t feel nervous at all. She opened her briefcase and took out her forms. “How are you, Julian?” “I’m the luckiest kid on earth.” “Are you?” She smiled in delight. “I am.” “Tell me all about it.” She patted the spot on the sofa beside her. Bryan entered with a tray of coffee and a slice of cake.

Julian said, “Bryan has begun to teach me how to program computers. I even understand the language of the Internet. He’s really good at it, you know.” “I know.” Ms. Lewis stirred milk into her cup. “What else have you been up to?” Julian shifted on the couch excitedly. “We went to the Aquarium, the Omnidome, the Pacific Science Center and took a ferry ride.” “I’m so happy for you, Julian.” Ms. Lewis gave Bryan a confident wink. Julian could see the stress release from Bryan. I’m his. No one is taking me away from him. “Have a taste of the cake. Bryan made it himself.” “It looks delicious, Julian.” Ms. Lewis used a fork to try a corner of it. “Mm. Very good.” As Bryan admired Julian, who was retelling his adventures with fire and excitement, Bryan felt the satisfying heat of emotional fulfillment wash over him. Though everyone had thought him insane to try and ease the loneliness of two people’s lives, he had proven them all wrong. Somehow, it had all worked out. That beautiful young man that no one wanted would no longer be living alone in a dungeon or wasting away unloved and unwanted on the streets. And Bryan would never be alone and contemplating suicide

again. He couldn’t think of a happier way to end a story if he tried. Julian took a breather from his narrative to look adoringly at Bryan. Bryan glanced at Ms. Lewis and could see she approved of the love and attachment between them. She closed her briefcase and finished her coffee. “I can’t tell you how happy I am for the two of you.” Julian smiled proudly. “I told you. I’m the luckiest kid in the world.” “Yes. I think you are, Julian. Very lucky.” Ms. Lewis stood up. Bryan drew near to her, accepting her invitation for a hug. Ms. Lewis whispered in his ear, “Take care of him. You won his heart.” “I will. Believe me. He’s won mine.” Bryan parted from her embrace to see Julian’s triumphant smile. “Should I wrap up this piece of cake for you?” Bryan asked. “That would be lovely. Thank you.” “I’ll get your coat.” Julian skipped to the closet. After Bryan packaged the cake for Ms. Lewis he met Julian and her at the door. “And Bryan’s taking me to see the AIDS quilt in Washington DC.” Bryan’s breath caught in his throat. He had no idea what Ms. Lewis would think of that idea. “I’m very happy Bryan is getting you politically motivated,

Julian.” Ms. Lewis smiled at Bryan. “Only by acting together can we make changes. I’m very proud of you.” Julian puffed out his chest. “I’m proud of us too.” Bryan felt his cheeks heat up. “Here you go.” He handed Ms. Lewis the cake. “You two take care of each other.” “We will.” Bryan showed her out. After Ms. Lewis was gone, Julian said, “I want to do something big in my life, Bryan. I want to help people and make a difference.” Closing the condo door, Bryan said, “You will. Julian O’Connor, you will do amazing things.” Julian leapt onto Bryan, wrapping his legs around Bryan’s hips. “With you by my side, I can move mountains.” “Hold me.” Bryan gripped Julian as if his life depended on him. Julian’s embrace became stronger. Closing his eyes, Bryan remembered the name of every friend and acquaintance he lost, and hoped sometime in the future, the tide would turn and science would find a cure for the disease that had stolen so many young lives. “They will.” Blinking, Bryan asked, “Who will?” “They will find a cure. Don’t be upset.” Allowing Julian back on his feet, Bryan caressed his hair lovingly. “Maybe you should be a research scientist and find the cure.” The fire that filled Julian’s face surprised Bryan.

“Yes!” Julian’s look of resolve was powerful. “That’s exactly what I’ll do.” “I love you, Julian.” “I love you too, Bryan.” Julian held Bryan’s hand and led him down the hall towards the bedroom. “Now can you make love to me?” “Not until you’re eighteen.” “I am eighteen!” “Get moving.” Bryan nudged Julian playfully, shaking his head. “Rats.” “You’re spoiled, Julian O’Connor. Spoiled rotten.” “Yeah, yeah…” Julian grinned wickedly at Bryan. “Behave.” “No.” “Yes.” Bryan chuckled as Julian jumped on the bed and tilted his head seductively. “No.” Julian rubbed his own crotch. “You better make something of your life, Julian, otherwise I’m destined to—” Julian put his finger to Bryan’s lips. “Just shut up and kiss me.” Bryan did, wishing he could change the world.

The End

About the Author Award-winning author G. A. Hauser was born in Fair Lawn, New Jersey, USA, and attended university in New York City. She moved to Seattle, Washington where she worked as a patrol officer with the Seattle Polic Department. In early 2000 G.A. moved to Hertfordshire, England, where she began her writing in earnest and published her first book, In the Shadow of Alexander. Now a fulltime writer in Ohio, G.A. has written dozens of novels, including several bestsellers of gay fiction. For more information on other books by G.A., visit the author at her official website at: www.authorgahauser.com. G.A. has won awards from All Romance eBooks for Best Author 2009, Best Novel 2008, Mile High, and Best Author 2008, Best Novel 2007, Secrets and Misdemeanors, Best Author 2007. G. A. Hauser is also an Honorary Board Member of Gay American Heroes (www.gayamericanheroes.com).

BETWEEN A STONE AND A HARD PLACE EDWARD KENDRICK

Between a Stone and a Hard Place © Edward Kendrick

Chapter One Mychael stretched, rubbing the heels of his hands over tired eyes. He knew it was well past time for him to shut off his computer and head home but he wasn’t really in the mood to face the empty house for yet another night. With both Victor and Pete out of town he’d been left to hold the fort until they returned. Dropping his hands, he saw a young man standing in the doorway watching in sympathy. “It gets to you after a while, doesn’t it?” “This?” Mychael nodded towards his monitor. “Yeah, it does.” “Then why are you still at it? Some special assignment?” “No, just no reason to be anywhere else at the moment.” The young man smiled. “I know the feeling. By the way, I’m Stone.” “Mychael,” he replied, reaching across the desks to shake Stone’s outstretched hand. “Is Stone a nickname?” Stone laughed. “Yeah. My given name is Winston but it got shortened years ago by my baby sister and it’s stuck ever since.” He leaned against the doorframe looking at Mychael. “Are you up for going out for drink? I just discovered a new bar. Well,” he said, “every bar’s new to me since I only arrived in the city a couple of days ago. I was reassigned from up north.”

Mychael hesitated before nodding. Anything was better than sitting around at home waiting for the guys to call. “Sure, why not. Give me a few to shut down.” Twenty minutes later the two young men were heading down the street. Since the bar Stone had found was only a few blocks away they’d opted for an evening stroll rather than taking their cars or the trolley. “So, where are you from originally?” Mychael asked as a way to get a conversation going. “New Hampshire, a small town outside of Manchester.” “Like I even know.” Mychael laughed. “I’m a transplanted Chicagoan myself.” “Not a bad city. I visited there with family a few years ago.” Stone said, “All I really remember is that museum, umm, something scientific.” “Museum of Science and Industry,” Mychael told him with a grin. “Yeah, it’s pretty fantastic. You must have been a kid when you went there.” Stone grinned back. “More or less. Fifteen if I remember right. My folks dragged us to all of them but that’s the one I liked best.” “Do you come from a large family?” “Two sisters and a brother. I’m the oldest. You?” “Just me, myself, and I.” They stopped walking momentarily as Stone bent over to tie a flapping shoelace.

Mychael couldn’t help admiring his ass so nicely accented by the tightening of his jeans. He mentally slapped himself for even noticing, but damn, it was a sweet one. When Stone straightened again he glanced at Mychael with a smile before continuing. “Must be nice. You have no idea what a pain youngers can be when they put their minds to it.” Stone rattled off a story that had Mychael in stitches by the time he’d finished. He paused, glancing around, and pointed. “There it is.” Mychael gave him a questioning glance. “Umm, you know that’s a gay bar, I hope.” Putting a hand to his heart, Stone gave him a shocked look. “You’re kidding.” Then he broke into gales of laughter. “Yes, I know. Does that bother you? We can go somewhere else.” Hesitating, Mychael wondered why someone like Stone would want to go there. Hopefully he wasn’t one of those that habituated gay bars to make fun of the customers or worse. Stone was taller than him by a few inches and muscular from what he could tell. Of course so were Victor and Pete so he shouldn’t jump to conclusions. But Stone didn’t give off the kind of vibes that said the bar was a place he went to for the company. Shrugging, Mychael said, “It’s fine.” A few minutes later they were ensconced at a table to one side of a pocket-sized dance floor. Mychael sipped his beer as he watched Stone, trying to decide which way he leaned. The young man, who Mychael thought was about his own age, was eyeing the couples with an amused quirk on his lips. He tapped Mychael’s arm,

pointing to one pair who were dancing back to front, the taller man’s arms wrapped proprietarily around his partner’s waist. “Any closer together and his dick would be up his ass if they weren’t wearing clothes.” Mychael bit back an angry retort. He jerked his arm away, guzzling his beer with the intention of getting out of there and away from Stone sooner than later. And to think he’d have to see the creep every day at work. He shuddered. “Hey, what’s wrong? I was just teasing.” Stone gave him a worried glance. “I mean come on we both know that’s what they’re thinking too.” “And that bothers the hell out of you, doesn’t it? Or do you get off making fun of us?” Mychael slammed his glass down and started to stand. Stone grabbed his arm as he pulled him back down. “Us? You say that like it’s you and them and I’m some sort of outsider. Okay, yeah, what I said was crude but it’s only ‘cause you make me nervous. I only meant that—” “I make you nervous? Why, because I’m gay? Why’d you even suggest we go out for a drink if you don’t like that idea?” “Hell, Mychael.” Stone let go of his arm and stared at him. “I’m not like what you’re thinking. I’m not a gay basher. Far from it. I hate the sons of bitches because I’ve had to deal with them. Why do you think I asked for a transfer down here? I’m out and I have been for the last four years. I thought you knew that. Well not ‘that’ but that I’m gay.”

“Oh.” Mychael felt like three kinds of fool. “I’m sorry. I was...” He looked out at the dancers, the men at the bar, anywhere but at Stone. “I was thinking the worst about you with no reason.” “It’s hard to trust when you don’t really know someone. I’m the one who should say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even suggested coming here.” He started to touch Mychael’s face to get his attention then appeared to think better of it, resting one hand on his shoulder instead. “You’re not even out yet, are you? I bet you get hassled a lot just because you’re so...so... Ouch. I’m putting my foot in my mouth again, aren’t I?” Mychael turned to look at him. He started to chuckle and it turned into a full blown laugh. “Because I’m so pretty and so angelic looking?” he said when he could catch his breath. “So I’ve been told, and yes I’m out. I have been for quite some time.” “Oh hell, we’ve both been making such wild assumptions.” Stone frowned. “Do I really look like someone who would drag some shirt-lifter off and beat him to a pulp?” “Well...” Mychael’s eyes traveled over Stone. His hair was black and cut close to his head, the shortness somehow emphasizing high cheekbones and his deep-set dark eyes. He was wearing a button-down shirt as the company required of all its lower echelon employees. However, before they’d left work, Stone had put on a black leather vest and somewhere along the way he’d unbuttoned the top buttons, revealing a well-toned set of pecs. His hands were large with scars on a couple of knuckles. “Honestly, maybe that, or a leather boy, on first glance, especially if you put that together with

what you said.” “Then why did you agree to come with me? Don’t tell me you’re into rough sex and thought I might give it to you. Well, until you decided I was more likely to beat you to a pulp, that is.” He looked hurt, yet maybe a bit amused as well. “Not at all. I was feeling lonely and not looking forward to going home to an empty house.” “Ahh, so I’m supposed to be the cure for that? Ouch.” “Now I put my foot in it, didn’t I?” Mychael gave him a weak smile. “No, well, not as badly as I’ve been doing it. Tell you what, let’s start over.” Holding out his hand he said, “I’m Stone, new to the city and looking for someone to be friends with.” “And I’m Mychael, resident computer geek for the company.” Mychael took his hand. “Welcome to New Orleans.”

Chapter Two Three beers later Mychael was feeling no pain, not drunk but definitely moving in that direction. He and Stone had traded stories of their childhoods, laughing over the troubles they’d gotten into; Mychael by himself, Stone with his siblings. Somehow neither of them had moved the stories past that. Nor had either one asked the other if they were in a relationship at the present time. Instead they laughed together, telling wilder and wilder tales about themselves until finally, on impulse, Mychael asked Stone if he wanted to dance. Stone’s face broke into a wide grin. “I thought you’d never ask.” “And you couldn’t?” Mychael arched an eyebrow as he stood, pulling Stone up and then steadying himself as the room spun for a moment. “Whew, I have to slow down,” he said as they headed to the dance floor. “Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall.” Stone wrapped one arm tightly around him and then the other once they found a relatively free space where they could dance. Mychael put his arms around Stone’s neck as he whispered against his ear, “I know you won’t.” Stone shivered noticeably at the soft touch of his lips and the faint puff of breath that accompanied Mychael’s words. He bent his head just enough to say back, “Never,” then traced the tip of his tongue around the shell of Mychael’s ear.

That caress had Mychael groaning as the sensation went straight to his groin. He shifted, feeling Stone respond as he pressed tighter against him, cock rubbing cock through the frustrating barriers of jeans. Stone dropped his hands down to Mychael’s ass, squeezing. Then he chuckled softly. “Think anyone at the tables is watching and making rude comments about us?” Mychael leaned his head back enough to look into Stone’s amused dark eyes. “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn,” he replied, a grin tipping his lips up. “Me neither.” Stone looked at Mychael’s lips and did the only thing possible. He kissed them. Mychael tensed for a second before returning the kiss hungrily. Stone’s tongue traced over the crease that would give him entrance if Mychael desired it. Mychael did, opening to him with a soft hungry moan. Tongue met tongue, tasting, savoring, exploring. Every thought flew out of Mychael’s head except for one. The one telling him how much he needed this man who perhaps wanted him and him alone. He broke the kiss, gasping for breath. “I...I...” he stuttered. “Yes, you.” Stone growled huskily. “But not here.” He cupped Mychael’s face in one hand. “Come home with me.”

Chapter Three As Stone unlocked the door to his apartment he prayed he’d at least cleaned the place up a little before leaving that morning. Right now he couldn’t remember to save his soul. The only thing on his mind was the beautiful man whose arm was tightly around his waist. “Interesting ambiance,” Mychael said with a chuckle as he looked around after Stone had ushered him inside. It was a smallish place, a combination living-dining room with a galley kitchen off to one side. The bedroom door stood open revealing one edge of an unmade bed and a window with Venetian blinds half raised. Stone groaned, hurrying to pick up the scattered newspapers and other detritus that proved this was a place inhabited by a single male living alone. As he dumped a couple of dirty dishes in the sink he asked, “Would you like a beer...or something?” Mychael had followed him into the kitchen. “Or something,” he replied softly, pressing Stone back against the counter, smiling shyly. God. Stone dipped his head to kiss Mychael yet again. How did I get so lucky? He tangled his hands in Mychael’s wild blonde curls to hold him there, kissing him feverishly. Mychael responded with equal ardor causing Stone to growl low against his lips, “I want you now.” “I’m here, you have me,” Mychael whispered back, tracing his

tongue over Stone’s top lip sensuously. Then he stepped back, pulling Stone’s shirt loose so that he could slide his hands up under it, running his fingertips over Stone’s chest muscles before tweaking each nipple. Stone arched his back at Mychael’s touch, his cock going even harder, if that was possible. When Mychael released the top button of his jeans Stone shuddered once, and then again when he saw Mychael lick his lips in anticipation. As Mychael pulled the zipper down he smiled. Stone was commando, his thick cock beginning to leak precum as it was revealed. Mychael dropped to his knees in one graceful movement to taste it. Stone pressed his cock against Mychael’s mouth with a moan. “Soon,” Mychael said, pushing Stone’s jeans down over his hips. He took his throbbing cock in one hand, stroking his tongue over the tip. His other hand cupped Stone’s heavy sack, rolling his balls between his fingers. Slowly he ran his tongue up the underside of Stone’s cock to the rim of his purple pulsing head. While Mychael teased Stone’s cock, Stone said in frustration, “You’re driving me insane.” Mychael looked up at him, grinning wickedly. “I can stop any time.” “If you do...” Mychael was not going to think about what he was doing, why

he was here. He was only going to live for the moment and enjoy being the one and only for one night at least. “You’ll what?” Mychael replied. Not waiting for an answer, he drew Stone’s cock a few inches into his mouth, sucking, stroking, tasting the salty flavor of the pre-cum. He felt Stone’s balls begin to tighten and gripped the base of his cock firmly to keep him from coming. Slowly he took more of that wonderfully, long, thick cock into his mouth until the head pressed against the back of his throat. He hummed softly, knowing the vibration would intensify Stone’s pleasure. “Please,” Stone begged. He dug his fingers into Mychael’s hair to keep him where he was, thrusting further into his mouth. “Please...please...” Mychael continued to fuck him with his mouth and tongue for a few more moments before releasing his grip on his cock. Stone yelled out his pleasure as he went over the edge, flooding Mychael’s mouth with his seed. Mychael swallowed, savoring every drop of it, milking Stone with his lips until he was drained. Stone collapsed against the counter as if his legs were barely able to hold him up. When Stone could finally move again he looked down at Mychael who was smiling up at him. “That was amazing.” Stone gasped out, reaching down to help Mychael to his feet. He pulled Mychael into a tight embrace, taking his mouth in a deep, fiery kiss. After tugging his jeans up again, Stone grasped Mychael’s hands in his. “Now you, but not here.”

Mychael allowed himself to be led from the kitchen to Stone’s bedroom. Allowed? Hell, he would have dragged Stone there if the man hadn’t moved first. The two of them alone? No one to share him with? No one to be shared with? He hadn’t realized how much he’d wanted this until tonight. It had been so long. “Sorry,” Stone said once they were in his bedroom. Mychael could see Stone looking at the bed he’d tumbled out of that morning without even pulling up the comforter to cover the mess of sheets. “It hardly matters since we’re just going to mess them up more any minute now. “ “As soon as I get those clothes off you,” Stone said, reaching for the buttons on Mychael’s shirt. Mychael swatted his hands away. “Sit,” he ordered softly before going to turn on the radio on the bedside table. Stone looked at him in puzzlement but did as he’d asked. Mychael fiddled with the dial until he found what he wanted, a slow, sultry piece of music. Crossing back to stand in front of Stone, Mychael began to sway in time to the song. One by one he undid the buttons on his shirt. Stone watched avidly, licking his lips as Mychael revealed his sculpted torso. Mychael had a feeling Stone wanted nothing more than to take each of his nipples into his mouth and tease them. Reading Stone’s mind Mychael ran his fingers over them, tweaking each one until they stood erect. All the while his hips moved to the beat of the music. He slid his hands sensuously down to the waistband of his jeans, undoing the closure. The sound of the zipper as it was slowly pulled down had

Stone’s eyes riveted, waiting for what he desperately desired to be revealed. Mychael’s eyes closed as he danced, feeling every touch of his hands on his body, showing Stone what he had to offer. As he pushed his jeans over his hips and they slid down, he feathered his fingers over his thighs, spreading his legs to bring them back up the insides to his balls. He was leaking precum in anticipation of what would soon occur. Taking one finger he caught some of it, bring it to his mouth to suck it off, opening his eyes to watch Stone. Stone was staring hungrily, the tip of his tongue stroking his upper lip. Mychael captured more of his pre-cum and stepped closer to Stone, still dancing sensuously as he offered his finger to him. Stone leaned forward to take the finger into his mouth. He moaned, never taking his eyes off of Mychael’s. “More?” Mychael asked, pulling his finger away, touching it to his leaking slit again. “I want it all,” Stone replied huskily. “All of it, all of you.” Mychael felt intoxicated. Never before had he been the one in control. He didn’t want to dominate, that wasn’t who he was. But he wanted to be the one manipulating the situation. This act was ramping up his desire for this man. Michael placed his hands on Stone’s shoulders. “Then all of me you’ll have.” He slid the leather vest off him, pulling Stone’s shirt over his head in one swift move, not bothering to unbutton it. “Lay down,” he said, pressing his hands against Stone’s chest to enforce the request. Stone tumbled back on to the bed, watching as Mychael moved

to straddle his thighs. Mychael smiled, opening Stone’s jeans once again, sliding them down when Stone lifted his hips. Mychael began touching him as he touched himself when he was dancing. He teased each nipple, pinching them lightly, smiling as Stone groaned with desire for more. Stone’s whimpers soon changed to growls of lust and need. His hands gripped Mychael’s waist and with one smooth movement Stone twisted them until he was lying on top of Mychael. He caught Mychael’s teasing hands in his, stretching them above Mychael’s head as he greedily took his mouth in a searing kiss. Their tongues battled as they tasted each other with desperate hungry desire. “You’re mine. Tonight you are mine,” Stone said. He began raining kisses over Mychael’s face and throat, nipping and sucking the tender skin beneath his jaw. Then he attacked each nipple with fervor, sucking and biting, eliciting small cries of pain and pleasure from his captive. As Mychael writhed beneath him, Stone licked his way down, circling the base of Mychael’s cock with his tongue. Looking up with hooded eyes he said, “Spread your legs more,” and sank between them when Mychael did. Putting his hands under Mychael’s hips, he lifted them enough to give him better access to his balls. Stone sucked each one into his mouth, rolling them with his tongue. Mychael cried out in pleasure, arching up. Stone suckled more and then released him, licking up his cock with long, firm strokes until Mychael was mewling with need. Stone sat back on his heels. “On your stomach,” he said, putting his hands on Mychael to

help him turn. Once Mychael was lying prone, Stone bent down again, nipping his ass lightly several times before spreading the cheeks to reveal his puckered hole. He slid his tongue slowly up to it, teasing it at first. Mychael could feel himself pulse beneath the tip of Stone’s tongue. Stone rimmed him unmercifully until Mychael was incoherently begging him to stop teasing. Stone did, pushing his tongue through that tight, pulsating entrance. He stroked in and out, finding Mychael’s gland. Mychael cried out as shots of electricity flooded his body. “Like that do you?” Stone asked. After teasing Mychael’s ass again, he replaced his tongue with one, and then a second saliva slicked finger, stretching and readying Mychael. “God yes,” Mychael moaned in response. “But I want more, I want all of you.” Stone continued his ministrations while taking the lube and a condom from the bedside table’s drawer. He ripped the wrapper open with his teeth, rolling the condom on. Removing his fingers, Stone lubed both them and his cock. He pushed his fingers back in, spreading the lube generously. Then he pressed the head of his cock at the entrance and stilled. Mychael pushed back against it, taking the head in with a moan of pleasure mixed with a soft hiss at the burn. Stone gripped his hips to stop himself until Mychael was ready then slowly thrust further into him. Mychael whimpered low in his throat as he tensed and then relaxed. Stone slid one hand under Mychael, gripping his leaking

cock in his fist. When he was certain Mychael was all right he pushed in until he was buried balls deep. “Yesss.” Mychael moaned as Stone filled him. His body was on fire and he knew it wouldn’t take much before he went over the edge. As Stone began to ride him in long slow strokes, making sure each time that he hit Mychael’s gland, Mychael moved with him. With each thrust back, Mychael begged for more as bolts of pleasure flared through him. “Harder,” he said, “Faster.” Stone bowed to his request, every thrust in swifter than the one before. He held Mychael’s cock tightly in his hand. Mychael could feel it throbbing beneath Stone’s fingers. “Now!” Stone cried out. Mychael felt Stone’s balls tighten as his cock filled, spewing cum into Mychael’s hot, clenched hole. Seconds later Mychael’s cum covered Stone’s fingers. They both howled out their release, bodies shaking and rocking together in mutual orgasms that had Mychael seeing sparks against the darkness behind his eyelids. Stone collapsed onto Mychael, panting for breath, pressing his lips against Mychael’s shoulder in a soft kiss. Mychael shivered, twisting his head to look at Stone. “That was all I imagined and more,” he whispered. “Much more,” Stone agreed as he pulled out, removing the rubber, sliding off Mychael to hug him tightly. Mychael curled into him, looking into his eyes for a long, long

moment before kissing him. Stone returned the kiss gently. “Will you...” he murmured against his lips. “Yes, I’ll stay,” Mychael murmured back. Stone sighed audibly. “Now I think we should get some rest. Morning comes too soon.” Mychael nodded sleepily, turning so they were spooned together. Stone wrapped his arms around Mychael and Mychael rested his hands on them as his eyes closed. Stone sighed again, wondering if this was all there would be. One night together. He decided as he drifted off that he would face that question tomorrow.

Chapter Four Mychael woke to find a vaguely familiar hand splayed across his chest. It took him a moment to realize whose it was. Turning his head he smiled when he saw Stone sprawled over most of the bed, flat on his stomach, legs spread wide. Slipping out from under Stone’s hand, Mychael headed to the bathroom for a minute and then returned, settling between Stone’s legs. He was about to nip Stone’s fantastic ass when his caught a look at the time. “Damn it all to hell,” he growled, swatting Stone’s ass instead. “Rise and shine Sleeping Beauty or we’ll be late.” Stone shot up. “What the...” He blinked blearily at Mychael. “That was some wake-up call.” Wrapping his arms around Mychael, he proceeded to kiss him silly. “I keep the bedside clock set an hour ahead of real time.” Mychael leaned back, grinning. “Then we have time for a shower.” He waggled his eyebrows. Stone laughed. “A quick one.” He bounced off the bed, heading to the bathroom. Mychael could see Stone trying to relieve his full bladder, which was difficult with a raging hard-on. When Stone turned and stepped into the shower, Mychael joined him. He reached for the soap and a washrag as Stone wet down. Lathering the rag thoroughly, Mychael began working on

Stone’s chest, paying special attention to each nipple until Stone said, “We only have an hour.” Mychael grinned, sliding the soapy cloth down to Stone’s rampant cock, slicking it with suds before flipping the cloth over his shoulder. He used his hands instead on both that gorgeous cock and the heavy balls that hung below it. Stone rocked his hips, groaning low in his throat. “You know it’ll only take a few more strokes and I’ll come.” Mychael sensed that before Stone told him, and slid his hand down his cock to tighten it around the base. “Calm down, I want you in me again,” he said, pressing tightly against Stone’s body, his own hard member nestled next to Stone’s. “Calm down?” Stone said, “That’s not possible with you here.” “Then I can leave,” Mychael replied, grinning wickedly as he turned as if to step out of the shower. Stone grabbed his shoulders, pushing him against the shower wall. “You are not going anywhere just yet.” He hissed, using his knee to nudge Mychael’s legs apart. Mychael rested his forearms on the shower wall, arching his back to present his ass to Stone. “You’re beautiful like that,” Stone said softly as he ran his hands over Mychael’s glutes, squeezing them. He spread the cheeks and slipped a soapy finger into his hole, making certain to tease Mychael’s gland with it. Mychael pushed back, silently begging for more, his body aflame with need. Stone pushed another finger in to ready him, swearing

under his breath. “Fuck. Be right back,” he said. Stone raced to the bedroom, obviously not caring that he was dripping the whole way, to grab a condom and the lube. By the time he was back in the shower his cock was sheathed and he had the lube open. Shielding himself from the water, Stone slicked his cock, holding tightly onto Mychael’s hips. He thrust slowly into his lover. “God, that feels fantastic.” Mychael moaned, ignoring the slight burn as he pushed back hard to take all of Stone in. “So hot, so tight,” Stone whispered as he began pumping in and out. Mychael shuddered and stopped. “Are you alright,” Stone asked worriedly. “More than all right. Perfect. Don’t stop.” Mychael stroked his own cock fast and hard, matching Stone’s renewed thrusts into him. His balls tightened and he spewed his cum out hard as his orgasm shook him. When Stone joined Mychael, shouting incoherently, Mychael’s own release took him to new heights. Mychael’s legs trembled and he fought to stay upright as he rode his high. He felt Stone’s hands on his hips, holding him erect even as the man shuddered and shouted out his own delight. They collapsed against the wall as they slowly came down, panting for breath. Stone turned Mychael to face him, pressing him tighter to the wall as he kissed him. Mychael’s arms went around Stone’s neck while he devoured Stone’s mouth.

Stone seemed to regain enough sense to step back slightly. “We should...” he breathed deeply, “We should finish and get ready to go.” Mychael nodded. He didn’t want to. He wanted to spend the rest of the day in Stone’s arms, under him, above him, just with him and him alone. “I suppose so.” Stone smiled. “There’s always tonight.” Mychael took a long, slow breath. “Yes, there is.”

Chapter Five What am I doing? Mychael asked himself for the hundredth time that day. Being happy, he answered more often than not, immediately feeling guilty. But it was the truth as far as it went. In the last sixteen hours he’d felt more independent than he had for as long as he could remember. But I love Vik and Pete. And he did, totally and absolutely, in his own way. It was just that he never felt like his own person with them. He was always ‘Mychael their angel’, or ‘Mychael their go-to man when they needed information’, or ‘Mychael one third of a trio in bed’. As much as he loved the sex with them he somehow felt like a third wheel. It wasn’t their fault. It was something in him that begged to be...more. And for one glorious evening and morning Stone had given him that. He had to decide if there was going to be a ‘tonight’ as he had promised. He wanted it. Just the thought of being with Stone again had his cock hardening and his body tingling with a hunger he’d only felt a few times before. It was the same kind of hunger that had arisen when he had first been with Victor and Pete, when they had taught him to explore and accept his feelings for them. Now he was learning all over again what it felt like to be desired by someone. A man who wanted him, him and no one else, or so he

prayed. He chuckled softly to himself causing one of his co-workers to look at him and smile. He smiled back, wondering if she assumed that it was thoughts of ‘his guys’ that made him seem so happy. It was no secret at work that he had two men in his life, although, thankfully, Stone had apparently not been informed of that fact. And that would be a big problem if Stone found out before he told him himself. If he could. He stretched and stood up. He needed a walk to work out the kinks that came from sitting at his desk for the last few hours. As he started towards the door his cell phone vibrated. He opened it, not certain if he wanted it to be Victor or Pete, or Stone. It was a number he didn’t recognize. His pulse beat faster as he answered. “Hey angel, miss us?” Pete said. “I...yes, you know I do. You surprised me though. I didn’t recognize the number.” Mychael walked down the hall, torn between happiness that Pete had called finally and wishing fervently that it had been Stone instead. He paused outside the room where Stone worked, wanting very much to take a glance inside to see if he was there. He forced himself to move on. “Are you alright? You sound tense.” Pete’s voice was filled with concern. “And I’m on the hotel’s phone. I need to leave mine free. I’m expecting a call.” “I’m fine. It’s just been a long, hard week. You know how that is.” Pete chuckled. “That could be taken two ways, work or the fact that we’re not there and...”

Mychael could almost see Pete’s eyebrows cocked in amusement. He bit back a sigh and forced a laugh instead. “The former, though, well you know.” He hated that Pete kept saying ‘us’ and ‘we’, meaning he and Victor. Why couldn’t he have made it personal between him and I? “I do.” Pete went on to make some rather ribald comments on the problems of being alone without Victor and Mychael to ‘ease the tension’. Then he said, softly, “I do miss you, both of you, and...” he took a deep breath, “I’m afraid it’s going to be a bit longer than I’d hoped before I get home. I just got another job and it’ll be easier just to go on from here to deal with it. I’m sorry, angel.” “It’s alright, I understand.” Mychael tried to sound upset but deep inside he was almost elated. He felt like a kid who had just gotten the news that school vacation was going to be extended. Then he realized that might not be the case. “At least Vik should be home soon.” “Yeah, well, damn it, angel.” Mychael’s pulse sped up again. “What?” “I just talked to him before calling you. He’s in the same boat more or less.” “That’s not fair.” And it wasn’t. Mychael was suddenly hit with a longing to see them both again soon, sooner than he apparently would now. “Now you know what they say, life isn’t fair.” Mychael bit his lip to keep from telling Pete to quit talking like his

father. That was something his dad used to say every time something went wrong when he was a kid. “I know, but hell, I miss you.” “I miss you too, I really do. I want to have you spread eagle on our bed begging me to fuck you ‘til you’re cross-eyed.” Pete went on to describe exactly what he wanted to do in graphic detail. Unfortunately, as always, it involved the three of them. If Mychael had been weakening, wanting him there with him now, by the time Pete had finished, Mychael’s resolve to see Stone again tonight had strengthened. Pete’s words aroused him, yes, making him glad there was no one around to see the bulge in his crotch, but the idea that it wasn’t just him Pete wanted involved in their sex irked him. When Pete finished, Mychael snapped out of his trance. “Why can’t you just want to be with me, alone?” “Hey! Wait a minute, what was that about? Angel, we’re a trio, the three of us, the Three Musketeers. You know that. I want to be with you both.” Mychael took a deep breath. “Just the mood I’m in I guess, missing you, spending too many hours here as just another cog in the works. I’m sorry.” “It’s alright. I miss you too. I promise I’ll be back as soon as possible. I love you, you know that.” “I know. Look, I have to get back to work. Call me when you can.” “You know I will, angel. You take care of yourself, promise.” “I promise.”

“Love you.” There was a long pause and then Pete broke the connection. Mychael leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes. They burned as he forced back the tears of frustration. “It’s not fair,” he muttered under his breath. “It’s just not...I do love you both but damn it, it’s just not fair.” “What’s not fair?” Mychael jumped, opening his eyes to see Stone standing there looking worried. “Nothing. Just, well, life sometimes. And if you dare to tell me life’s not fair.” “Hell no. I hate that saying.” Stone smiled, reaching out to touch Mychael’s hand. “Are we still on for this evening?” “You better believe it.” Mychael grinned happily. “Dinner’s on me.” Stone smiled wickedly. “Now that idea I like a lot.” “Oh hell, I didn’t mean it quite that way although...no. Dessert maybe.” “I think I can deal with that.” Stone glanced around as if to make certain the coast was clear then bent to kiss Mychael lightly. “See you in an hour.”

Chapter Six “Nice place,” Stone said as he and Mychael followed the host to a table. “Do you come here often?” “Not as much as I’d like to. The food’s good and no one bothers you.” Mychael took a seat, waiting for Stone to sit as well. “Do you want a drink or just coffee or something? We may as well make up our minds before the waiter asks.” He was decidedly nervous again. They had driven over in Stone’s car, both of them casting glances at the other but not saying much. Finally Stone had laughed, saying, “You’d think this was a first date and that we hadn’t fucked the living daylights out of each other less than twenty-four hours ago.” Mychael’s laughter joined his. “You see that’s the problem, every time I look at you I see you naked and spread out on your bed.” He licked his lips, glancing down at Stone’s crotch and grinned at the obvious arousal he saw there. “I guess you’re having the same visions.” “Hell yes, big time. We could...” “No, I promised you dinner and dinner you’re getting. In a restaurant, on a table, like normal people.” “Myc...May I call you that?” Mychael nodded, smiling.

“Myc, you are about as far from a ‘normal’ person as I’ve ever met. This isn’t just a game for me. You’re something special and...” Stone ran his hand over his short hair, “and I should shut up.” “No, I like that you think that. I like that you see me that way because I feel the same. You’re so different from anyone I’ve ever known. You make me feel special.” Stone put his hand on Mychael’s thigh. “You are. I shouldn’t say this. Well maybe I should, I don’t know, but I’m glad I invited you to go to that bar last night, and that you stuck around after I made such an ass of myself.” Mychael placed his hand over Stone’s, resisting the temptation to move it up to his overheated groin. “It was touch and go there for a few but we got past it. Boy, did we get past it.” “Yeah, you could say that. Big time.” Stone laughed then stepped on the brake. For a moment Mychael thought something was wrong until he saw Stone had pulled into a parking place close to the restaurant. Stone turned off the car and reached across the intervening space to cup the back of Mychael’s head and kiss him passionately. “Just a sample to hold you until after dinner,” he said. Once they were at the table, waiting for the waiter, Mychael’s nerves were jangling. “Myc, are you alright?” Stone took his hand as he watched his face with concern. “Yeah, I am, just that kiss threw me.”

“Why? It’s not like it was the first one.” Stone looked puzzled. “I know, but...hell.” Mychael didn’t know why but he had to clear the air now. “It’s something about what you said. That this isn’t just a game with you.” “Hell no, it’s not, but if that’s all it is for you, just a few quickies before you move on, well I guess I can deal with that. I told you I think you’re something special. I mean it. I’d...I’d like there to be something between us but if there isn’t then I’ll take what I can get.” “I…” Mychael paused long enough to wave the waiter away. “I have something to confess.” “You’re already in a relationship.” Mychael could see Stone tense up and Mychael wondered if he was feeling nervous too. “I should have known. I couldn’t be lucky enough to have found someone like you and have him be single.” Stone pulled his hand away. Mychael took it again, holding it tightly when Stone tried to take it back. “I am with someone.” He bit his lip. “Two someones.” “What the fuck?” Stone glared at him. “What are you doing, trolling for a fourth for you all?” “God no! Not even, not ever.” Mychael clung to Stone’s hand as if it was a life line. And maybe it is. “No, Stone. I...you...Have you ever felt as if you were just an object?” “Yeah, right now.” Stone growled angrily but didn’t try to pull away.

Mychael looked at him, his lashes damp with unshed tears. “You’re not, and you make me feel as if I’m not either. I know the guys care about me but I’ve become a part of a trio, if that makes sense. Sort of like the youngest sibling but with privileges, sexual privileges. Sorry, I’m not explaining this right, am I? I sound like a spoiled little brat.” “You do. Myc, why did you come home with me last night? Was it just to prove to yourself that someone saw you as a person?” “At first, yes. I needed you to treat me as an individual and you did. It was me and you and no one else. I didn’t have to share.” A tear escaped and Stone reached over to wipe it away. Mychael smiled sadly. “I was using you, or at the beginning I was.” “And now?” “And now I don’t honestly know.” Mychael looked at him. “Perhaps somewhat, but I like you, Stone. I like that you were happy because I was there with you, and that I was happy being with you.” He held up his hand as Stone started to say something. “I like you, emphasis on the ‘you’. We hardly know each other but there’s something about you that speaks to me. If my emotions weren’t such a mess right now, if I was free to choose, I think it would be you.” Stone nodded slowly, not taking his eyes from Mychael’s. Deep down the hard lump of fear that had wrapped around his heart softened a bit with hope. “I know I’d choose you, for what it’s worth. Myc, I want to see you despite the situation you’re in.” His mouth tightened. “That is if you can break away from it occasionally.

I know that makes me look like a bastard, but I’m selfish, I admit that. I want to be with you and I’ll take whatever I can get.” Mychael buried his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Stone started to reach for him and drew back. He’d said all he could. He knew that. Now Mychael had to make his choice. Finally Mychael lifted his head, wiping away tears. “I’m selfish too. I want to be with you as well. I...I want it too much. Everyone’s going to get hurt because I do.” “I’ll only be hurt if you’re saying this to make me feel better. Don’t toy with me, Mychael. You have to mean it. Because if you don’t I’ll walk away and not look back. I don’t want to share you, and I sure as hell will not get involved with you as part of some sexual foursome, but I will give you as much as I’m able and show you that you are special because you’re you.” “How did I get so lucky to meet you?” Mychael whispered. He smiled a bit when he realized what he’d said. “God, that sounded like something out of a bad romance novel, but it’s how I feel, Stone. How did I get so lucky?” Stone smiled back, gripping both his hands in his. “If I remember rightly, it’s because I asked if you wanted to go for a drink and you said yes.”

Chapter Seven “Stone, why me?” Mychael asked once they were back at his place. “I could say because you’re pretty and I like pretty things but it’s more than that.” “More?” Mychael hated being called ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’ even though he knew that for a man he was. He leaned back against the headboard, shaking his head. Templing his hands under his chin, Stone seemed to study Mychael. “You care. You cared about the people you thought I was demeaning that first night. You desperately care that what we’re doing is going to hurt your...your ‘guys’, and you care about people in general. But most of all, Myc, you seem to care about me from what you’ve said. I’ve never told you before but for me that’s a rarity. Oh, my family loves me, they always have, even after I came out, but I’ve never had someone who...who gave a damn about me other than for what I could do for them.” Mychael nodded but said nothing. He had the feeling there was more yet to come. He did however reach across the intervening space to rest his hand on Stone’s knee. Stone smiled when he did that. “See, you want me to know that what I’m saying is important to you. In my book that counts almost as much as you’re wanting me to see you as an individual. Anyway,

where was I? Okay, so I’ve spent most of my adult life hopping from one bed to another trying to find that elusive something they call love for lack of a better word. Hell, I know I’m nothing special but I figured there had to be someone somewhere who could see beyond my body to the person inside. I grew up in a small town where a queer was an object of ridicule.” Mychael winced when Stone said ‘queer’ remembering being called that himself way too often while growing up. Stone cocked an eyebrow. Mychael shook his head. “Go on,” he said softly. “Anyway, I knew long before I came out that I preferred men. I had a few clandestine one night stands, nothing to brag about believe me. I was into sports, played soccer actually, and I had to sit there and listen to the other guys make cutting, derogatory comments about any boy who looked well...” “Like me.” “Yeah.” Stone sighed. “Like you. I felt like the biggest kind of ass because I didn’t stand up for them, you know. But I was afraid of my teammates, of losing what I now laughingly call their friendship. But finally I grew up enough. I didn’t flaunt what I was then, but after I told my family I didn’t exactly hide it either.” “And you paid for it.” “Yeah, I did. When I came out, and my family saw what was happening, how I became a pariah in our town, they suggested I move somewhere else.” He shrugged. “So I did. First only as far as

Manchester, then a month ago down here.” Stone said, “I came here because I heard it was ‘safe’, that gays were accepted as almost normal.” “I’m surprised you didn’t head for San Francisco, but I’m glad too.” “So am I, because if I had I wouldn’t have met you.”

Chapter Eight For the next week the only time Mychael and Stone weren’t together was when they were at work. They’d go out to eat and then walk or, at Stone’s insistence, spend a couple of hours at the gym working out. Mychael was surprised to find he actually enjoyed that. He even tried the weights with Stone’s help and managed to lift more than either of them had expected. As each evening wound down they’d return to Stone’s place to get exercise of a different and much more pleasurable kind. By unspoken agreement they never suggested going to Mychael’s house. Somehow that seemed to them both to be courting trouble or that being there might jinx their growing relationship, something neither one wanted to gamble on. Then came the fateful phone call. Mychael felt his cell phone vibrate as he and Stone were heading away from the gym. He wanted to ignore it but Stone had his arm was around Mychael’s waist, his hip pressed against Mychael’s and felt the vibration. When Mychael continued to disregard it Stone pulled them to a stop. “If it’s one of them, you’re going to have to talk to them sometime. You can’t keep ignoring their calls, or giving them ‘I’m busy, talk later’ responses.” He looked at Mychael, adding, “Sooner or later you’re going to have to deal with this, Myc. I can’t...it’s not

fair to any of us.” “I know.” Mychael sighed and answered the phone. “It’s about time,” Victor said. “I was beginning to worry, especially when I walked into an empty house.” “You’re back?” Mychael bit his lip. Stone had moved away to give him privacy. Then when Stone heard that Victor was back, he took Mychael’s free hand in his. Mychael could tell Stone was trying to give him some support without blatantly eavesdropping. “Yes. I was planning on surprising you.” Mychael heard the happiness in Victor’s voice, and the disappointment. “But that’s a nogo now, isn’t it? Are you working late again? I can come pick you up and we can go for a late supper.” Mychael looked at Stone in desperation even as he replied, “I...um...yeah working late but I just got off. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” “Alright, I’ll be here waiting with bells on, or,” Victor laughed, “maybe nothing on.” Trying to put a smile in his voice Mychael said, “Good-bye,” and hung up. “So you’re going home to him?” Stone wanted nothing more than to drag Mychael back to his apartment and fuck him so hard he forgot all about the phone call. Mychael nodded. “I don’t really have a choice.” “The hell you...” Stone bit back his anger and fear. Taking a

deep breath he said, “I know you don’t. Will I...When will I see you again, or will I anymore?” “God, of course you will. I’m...I need you around, Stone, very much so.” “Sort of like an old pair of shoes that feel comfortable so you don’t want to toss them away. Or,” his voice tightened, “is that what they are.” Instead of answering with words Mychael threw his arms around Stone’s neck and gave him a kiss filled with need and maybe a small amount of fear of what might happen next. Stone got all that and more, the true sense of how Mychael felt about him. He returned it with a combination of harsh desire and soft understanding. “We’re going to be alright, Myc,” he whispered as he broke the kiss. “I told you I’m not going anywhere. Until you tell me differently, you are mine, all mine and no one else’s. I don’t share well.” He smiled, nipping Mychael’s lip gently. “I don’t want you to have to, I truly don’t. I don’t think I realized until this moment, despite all my saying it, how true that is. I care so much for you.” Stone tried not to wince. He didn’t want Mychael to ‘care’ for him, he wanted his love. He replied more harshly than he’d intended, “Just like you care for them.” Putting his hands on Mychael’s shoulders Stone turned him around, giving him a small shove. “Go talk to him. Fuck him if you need to. Then see how you feel. I’m the new toy in town. You may find you like the old ones better.” “Stone!” Mychael whirled back around to look at him.

“Don’t, Myc. Go do what you have to do. I’ll be at my place if...” He sighed deeply. “Just go.” Before he said anything more and truly destroyed everything, Stone strode away. Mychael watched him go, a tear sliding down his cheek. All he wanted was to grab Stone and run. And keep running until they were far, far away from this place and this time. He knew that wasn’t the solution however. Slowly he turned and headed towards what had been his home for the last few months, towards the man he still wasn’t certain he didn’t love as much as he loved Stone.

Chapter Nine The moment Mychael walked through the door Victor pulled him into his arms, kissing him, thrusting his tongue deeply into Mychael’s mouth as if to relearn every inch of it. Mychael responded but there was something missing, something he knew immediately Victor had felt when he pulled away. Victor took Mychael’s face in his hands as he looked into his eyes. “Who is he?” Mychael tried to move away but Victor wouldn’t let him, cupping the back of his head with one hand, pressing the other into the small of his back to keep him there. When Mychael didn’t answer, when he just dropped his glance to get away from the pain in his eyes, Victor said angrily, “I won’t share you, Mychael.” Rage flared through Mychael. Putting his hands on Victor’s shoulders he shoved him away. “What do you call what we’ve been doing for the last year? No wait, that’s not sharing, is it? It’s having a couple of toys for you to play with any time you want to. Me and Pete. But you can’t decide which one is your favorite so you have to have us both at the same time.” “You opted into that from the beginning, Mychael,” Victor said as if trying to remain as calm as he could under the circumstances. “From the very first day it was the three of us.”

“Exactly. You, me, him, never the twain shall be parted except under extreme circumstances. If I let you fuck me tonight your mind would be half on wanting Pete in the mix even as we did it.” Mychael’s eyes burned in angry frustration. “Do you fault me for wanting someone who sees me as me and nothing more? Because he does. He doesn’t want to share, Vik. He wants me and no one else.” “And you know this in only what, a week’s time? Or has this been going on behind our backs for a while?” Victor was pacing back and forth across the room, alternating between glaring at Mychael and appearing to think about what he was saying. “It’s only been a week, but sometimes that’s all it takes, Vik.” He was aching inside, his heart torn between this man who had meant so much to him and the one who had suddenly become the center of his world. He moved to stand at the window, looking out onto the busy street so he wouldn’t have to see Victor. But even that didn’t work because he could see him reflected in the window. Realizing how he had just thought of Victor as the man who ‘had’ meant so much to him, Mychael turned back around. “Am I crazy?” he asked quietly, “Or selfish? Wanting it all to be about me?” Victor stopped pacing to look across the room at him. “I could ask the same question.” He ran a hand through his hair, frowning. “Back at the beginning I was in pain and the two of you showed me a way to go on living. You taught me that I had some worth. And I sucked it up and clung to both of you whether you wanted me to or not.” “Oh Vik, that’s not true.” Mychael moved to him but refrained

from touching him. “We wanted to be with you. Maybe at first just to help you but we stayed around, didn’t we?” “Until now. Now you’ve found someone new it seems.” “Maybe, maybe not, but I have to find that out, Vik. I can’t walk away from him until I know.” “But you’ll walk away from us.” “I suppose so. But somehow I think you’ll survive without me. The two of you have loved each other for more years than I’ve been around.” “Hey, hang on a minute, it hasn’t...” Victor appeared to be doing the calculations and smiled slightly. “Okay, maybe close to that long. You were hardly out of diapers when I took Pete under my wing.” “See. You two belong together. I’m just an extra, nice to have around but not a necessity. But perhaps for...” he refrained from saying Stone’s name, “for him I am necessary. I hope so.” “Angel.” Victor stroked a finger along Mychael’s jaw, “You were very necessary and we both care for you. Maybe though it’s time for you to spread your wings and leave the nest because,” he said, “that’s what this has been for you. We gave you the safety and security you needed and I hope taught you how to better deal with the world. So, while we’ll miss you, you have to do what’s right for you. I just pray for your sake that this is it, that he’s...it.” “So do I, Vik. I think he is. I...can I...” He looked away again, afraid to ask. “Mychael, you will always be welcome here as far as I’m

concerned. Believe it or not I will not speak for Pete. He’ll have to make that decision for himself. And,” Victor said as he grinned, “I want to meet this man.” Mychael snorted out a laugh. “Yes, Daddy, as soon as he’s ready to face that I’ll bring him around.” “You’d better.” Victor kissed Mychael’s cheek. “And you know if I don’t approve of him...” “You’ll deal with it ‘cause you care about me?” Victor sighed dramatically. “I suppose so. I want my young man happy and if this guy is the one that makes that happen then so be it.” “Thank you, Vik. Thank you for...for understanding.” “I do. I’ll admit right now it hurts, but I really do understand. If he hurts you, however,” Victor gave him a stern look, “I will see to it that he spends the rest of his life regretting it.” “Shall I warn him of that?” Mychael’s smile was watery but there, as he held back tears. He was happy that in the end Victor had accepted this. But still somewhere deep inside he knew he would miss the closeness they shared before, in spite of his need to separate from their relationship. Victor must have understood what Mychael was feeling because he gathered him into his arms. “I meant what I said. I will always be here for you no matter what.” He kissed the top of his head before releasing him again. “Now it’s time for you to leave. I think someone is probably waiting and wondering if he’ll see you again.” “He is.” Mychael’s smile brightened. “And I have let him know

I’m his, if he’s willing.” “How could he not be? You’re something special and he’s lucky to have you. So get out of here.” He smacked Mychael’s ass fondly. “Now.”

Chapter Ten “If wishes were horses...” Stone smiled wryly. If they were, Mychael would be free to be with him, not off with his other lover doing who knows what. Could he really believe that Mychael would throw everything away to be with him? And what was ‘everything’? They’d avoided the subject like the plague, Stone never asking and Mychael never volunteering. Would one hell of a week together really negate all that Stone was certain Mychael must have had with the others? Restless and afraid, not knowing if he’d ever see Mychael again, Stone did the only thing he could think of at the moment, he began straightening up his apartment. Yeah he’d admit it, this wasn’t his thing. He wasn’t messy, not really. He just never seemed to get around to picking stuff up from where he’d dropped it unless there was a reason to, or when the layers of papers got so high he couldn’t readily find the one he needed. Looking around, he shook his head. If Mychael didn’t come back he knew one reason why. Half the table was piled high with information he’d printed out for a project he was doing for work. When Mychael had first seen it he’d cocked an eyebrow in amusement, asking if he was planning on waiting ‘til it hit the ceiling before doing something about it. But when Stone had laughed and started to pick up the mess, Mychael had convinced him there were more interesting uses for their time.

At least the kitchen was bearable, only a couple of dirty coffee cups in the sink. Eating out had definite advantages, especially since they’d both admitted cooking was not high on either of their agendas. As Stone washed the cups he remembered Mychael’s first night here and his cock hardened. The man had a fantastic mouth and he knew how to use it. Going back to the living room, he settled down to doing a thorough pick up and then dusted the free surfaces, which now outnumbered the others. He chuckled. It had been a long time since he’d actually seen some of them. Next the bedroom. The bathroom he knew was clean. That was the one area he never neglected. But the bedroom? He groaned as he looked at it. He and Mychael would come home and hit the bed and... Oh, how he wished it really was a home and not just an apartment. A home for him and Mychael. There had been other men he’d thought he’d wanted that with, several of them. But none had gotten to him the way Mychael did. Just one week together and he felt as if he’d finally found the one. Which made no sense. He’d never believed in love, searched for it, for sure, but he always wondered if it was something he’d find. Love was the realm of hetero couples, something that led to homes, families, kids, dogs, the whole nine yards. Gays rarely found it. Maybe lust or even relationships of one sort or another, but full out love with all that went with it? He knew better than that. And yet that was exactly what he wanted with Mychael. They

got along, that was a fact, in bed and outside of it too. But it had only been a week. What did they really know about each other? Stone caught sight of a pair of his jeans he’d shed a couple of nights earlier and still hadn’t picked up. Was Mychael put off by that? Would he be if he took the time to really look around the room? They’d fall into bed, make love, catch some sleep, then in the morning, after another bout of sex in the shower they’d dash to get dressed before heading to work. Lust ruled their lives when they were here. All right. He began cleaning up the room. It’s more than lust. At least on his part it was. He was practically certain it was more than that with Mychael as well. Kisses didn’t lie, nor did the slow exploring touches that Mychael used as if he wanted to memorize every inch of his body. After the first day they had made slow, gentle, love, they’d sated their initial needs. All this thinking had Stone as hard as a rock. He ran his hand over the front of his jeans, gripping his thick erection through them. Looking at the bed, he momentarily considered taking care of himself. It wouldn’t be the first time he had by a long shot, but it would be the first time since he’d met Mychael. He shook his head. He’d wait, hold out and pray that Mychael came back. Came home.

Chapter Eleven Mychael was tempted to run all the way to Stone’s apartment but he needed time to think so he walked instead. He’d broken his ties. No more going back to the place he’d called home except to get his things. Alright, no, it wasn’t quite that severe. Victor had told him he was welcome any time. As for Pete, Mychael supposed he’d find out soon whether that held true for him as well. Strangely enough he didn’t even feel guilty for leaving. Not too much anyway. He honestly didn’t think that once they got used to his being gone they’d miss him all that much. The love Victor and Pete had for each other was real and deep. While Mychael never doubted they cared for him, he had always been on the outside looking in. Now he was heading to a new life with Stone. If... If Stone really wanted him. A scary thought. All that had happened was so sudden and so intense. What if Stone had second thoughts? Stone hardly knew him, really. He knew they were definitely sexually compatible, but in truth that was about it. That, and the fact that he was in a live-in relationship with two men at the same time. Had been, but Stone didn’t know yet that it had ended. What if while waiting for him to come back to the apartment, Stone had decided he didn’t trust him? Or worse. What if Stone honestly thought that the moment Mychael saw Victor again Stone

would be forgotten. His parting words had been so hopeless sounding, equating himself with being just a ‘new toy’, here to fill the time until Mychael’s men returned. Mychael’s steps picked up. If Stone really believes that. Soon he was racing down the street. He burst through the front door of the apartment building, catching the security door just as a tenant was leaving, much to the woman’s surprise. He didn’t give her time to say anything as he ran across the lobby to the elevator she’d most likely exited moments before. He pressed the button for Stone’s floor, growling with impatience as it crept upwards. What had been fun for them all week, the elevator’s slow crawl up that had given them time for some heated kissing, was now about to drive him crazy. After what seemed an interminable amount of time the door finally opened on Stone’s floor. Mychael raced down to Stone’s door, raising his hand to knock. He paused. What if he wasn’t there, or if he didn’t answer because he’d given up waiting and had gone trolling for someone new? Or...or he opened the door just long enough to tell him to leave. He’d never know if he didn’t knock, so he did, once, tentatively, then a second time, harder. Stone’s door flew open and Mychael found himself wrapped in strong arms, being pulled inside and kissed with desperate hunger. When the kiss broke long minutes later and Mychael could breathe again he laughed, poking Stone in the chest. “You’d have been in deep trouble if I’d been the pizza boy or a

door-to-door salesman.” Stone smirked. “Maybe that’s how I greet everyone.” “It better not be, or at least not from now on.” Leaning back against the wall, still holding Mychael though not as tightly, Stone’s eyebrows cocked up. “Giving orders already, Myc?” “Only about things like that. I’m not into...” He stopped, biting his lip. “Not into sharing?” Stone looked at him gravely. “Turning over a new leaf all of a sudden?” Mychael nodded, giving back an expression that was as serious as Stone’s. “I have to. I have you now.” He took a deep breath. “Don’t I?” “Oh, yes.” The words came out is a soft heartfelt whisper. “We have each other now.” Relief flowed through Mychael so deeply he felt his knees buckle. Stone held on to him, smiling. “Did you think it would be otherwise?” “I was afraid it would. That when I got here you’d be gone or...or...” “Or what, Mychael?” Stone put a finger under Mychael’s chin, tipping it up to look at him. “That I’d have brought someone home while you were gone?” “You were upset when I left,” Mychael said. “Myc, it never even crossed my mind to do that. Sure, I was afraid. Afraid when you saw Victor you’d decide what you had with

him was stronger than what we have because you’ve been with him, with them, for so long. But I’m not the kind to instantly go out and find someone to fill the void. Not until I knew.” “So if I hadn’t come back? Am I that easily replaced?” Mychael pulled away feeling hurt. “No! No, Myc.” Stone sighed deeply. “I know, given my history, you might think that, but no.” Mychael stared at him for a moment then his lips turned up in a small smile. “You know we know almost nothing about each other. I was thinking about that on the way over. Or rather, we know a lot about some things, like our tastes in books and music, what we did as kids, but nothing about why we are like we are.” “Like why I asked to be transferred down here and have never been in a real relationship or how you ended up living with two men?” “Exactly. We’ve both been avoiding telling each other those parts of our lives.” Stone smiled. “Maybe because we’re afraid that telling will change something, make one or both of us back away? Although,” he traced a finger along Mychael’s jaw, “I seriously doubt anything you told me could make me do that.” Mychael caught his hand, kissing each scarred knuckle. “Whatever happened I want to know about it, even,” he said softly, “if you’re on the lam from a murder charge or something equally horrific.” “It’s not quite that bad. Do you think the company would have

kept me around if I were?” “If you’re useful to them, you bet they would.” A sudden thought struck Mychael. “You are only one of their computer people, like me, right?” “Yes, just a lowly computer geek.” “Stone, there is nothing lowly about you. You are...” Mychael shook his head. “Not saying it, you don’t need your ego swelling all that much.” “It’s not my ego that’s swollen.” Stone took Mychael’s hand and pressed it over the thick bulge in his jeans. “I’ve been like this all evening. It’s …” he grinned, “frustrating.” “You do know you could have done something about it.” “Honestly, no. I was waiting for you.” Mychael smiled ear to ear. “So you did think I’d come home.” “Home.” Stone sighed happily at that word. “Yes, Myc, somehow, deep inside, I knew you would. But I was still a little afraid.” “There’s nothing to be afraid of any more. I’m here and if you want...well, I’m sort of between houses at the moment so...” “I just happen to have half of a bed free for your taking and I bet I can clear out a couple of drawers. The closet isn’t too full and...and I’m babbling. If you want to move in with me I think I’d like that. After all we can’t leave you homeless now, can we?” Mychael stepped close enough to press his body against Stone’s, wrapping his arms around his neck. “No, we can’t. So, yes,

Stone, I’ll move in here with you, at least for now.” “For now?” Stone’s expression dropped. “It is awfully small. I was thinking that, maybe, if we don’t kill each other in the next few weeks, we could perhaps, find some place a bit bigger and...and now I’m rattling on, aren’t I?” “Myc, are you always this rash about things? I mean, I want you here more than you know but you’re jumping way ahead of yourself. Are you certain you don’t need more time to think about this? I don’t want you doing this on a rebound.” Mychael covered Stone’s mouth with one hand to stop him. “It’s not a rebound no matter what it seems like. Yes, I just broke up with them, if that’s how you want to look at it. But there are no regrets on my side and few on theirs I suspect. Honestly, sure I’ll miss them. They were, probably still are, good friends among other things. But since I met you I knew that things were at an end with them. I mean, okay, this might sound strange under the circumstances, but how could I care so much for you and still care for them as well?” Stone snorted. “Yeah. There is a sort of weirdness about that, all things considered. But I understand what you’re saying.” He smiled, placing as soft kiss on Mychael’s mouth. “I’m glad you chose me.” “There was never any doubt once I got to know you. And I don’t mean the sex part, though that’s pretty damned great. It’s the whole package. Oh God, I mean...” Stone laughed happily. “I get it. I like your package too, and the man it’s connected to, a whole hell of a lot.”

“You’d better, because until you tell me otherwise I’m not going anywhere.” “And I don’t think that will ever happen, Myc.” Taking his lover’s face in his hands Stone kissed him deeply. “Not in this lifetime anyway.” The End

About the Author Born and bred in the wilds of suburban Cleveland, Edward Kendrick earned a degree in theater and headed straight to NYC. Waiter was he, well aside from a brief stint at an off-Broadway theater. Finally seeing the futility of trying to become rich and famous in the Big Apple, Edward joined VISTA and ended up in Chicago working at a home for troubled boys. From there he was on to Denver where he’s been ever since, working as a designer at a costume shop until just recently. Edward started writing about three years ago when he joined an on-line fanfic group and discovered he truly enjoyed it. Since then Edward started his own loop with two friends and branched out into creating primarily m/m stories, both erotic and just ‘romantic’. Edward has a son who’s off making a life of his own so Edward now lives with a bossy cat, a decent computer, and enough books to start a small library. You can contact Edward at [email protected]

The G.A. Hauser Collection Available Now Single Titles Unnecessary Roughness Got Men? Heart of Steele All Man Julian Black Leather Phoenix In The Dark and What Should Never Be, Erotic Short Stories Mark and Sharon (formerly titled A Question of Sex) A Man’s Best Friend It Takes a Man The Physician and the Actor For Love and Money The Kiss Naked Dragon Secrets and Misdemeanors Capital Games Giving Up the Ghost To Have and To Hostage Love you, Loveday The Boy Next Door

When Adam Met Jack Exposure The Vampire and the Man-eater Murphy’s Hero Mark Antonious deMontford Prince of Servitude Calling Dr Love The Rape of St. Peter The Wedding Planner Going Deep Double Trouble Pirates Miller’s Tale Vampire Nights Teacher’s Pet In the Shadow of Alexander The Rise and Fall of the Sacred Band of Thebes

The Action Series Acting Naughty Playing Dirty Getting it in the End Behaving Badly Dripping Hot Packing Heat

Men in Motion Series Mile High Cruising Driving Hard Leather Boys

Rescue Series Man to Man Two In Two Out Top Men

G.A. Hauser Writing as Amanda Winters Sister Moonshine Nothing Like Romance Silent Reign Butterfly Suicide Mutley’s Crew