Islam: Questions And Answers - Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings: Transactions - Part 2

ISLAM: QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings: Transactions - Part 2 Volume 23 of a Series of Islamic Books by Muhammad Saed Abdul-Rahman

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Islam: Questions And Answers Volume 23 Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings: Transactions - Part 2

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Islam: Questions And Answers Volume 23 Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings: Transactions - Part 2

Muhammad Saed Abdul-Rahman B.Sc., DipHE

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© Muhammad Saed Abdul-Rahman, 2004 ISBN for all volumes 1 86179 080 5 ISBN for volume 23 paperback 1 86179 434 7 ISBN for volume 23 hardback 1 86179 435 5 ISBN for volume 23 pdf eBook 1 86179 436 3 ISBN for volume 23 Microsoft eBook 1 86179 437 1 ISBN for volume 23 Palm eBook 1 86179 438 X All Rights reserved

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data. A Catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

Designed, Typeset and produced by: MSA Publication Limited, 4 Bello Close, Herne Hill, London SE24 9BW United Kingdom

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Contents Introduction .............................................................................. 1 Chapter 1................................................................................... 3

Transactions ........................................................... 3 Marriage: General ........................................................... 3 46979: Ruling on the bride sitting on a dais .............. 3 45789: Attending wedding parties which involve some evils ................................................................... 4 44990: The reason why the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah despite the age difference .......................... 7 13492: Encouragement to have a lot of children ...... 10 8805: She wants to marry a student like her and her family doesn’t agree ........................................... 14 33656: Muslim man marrying a chaste Christian woman ...................................................................... 17 22897: Ruling on a woman letting a man know that she wants to marry him ..................................... 19 21818: The situation of one who is illegitimate and the ruling on marrying him ................................ 22 11885: ‘Azl (coitus interruptus) and using birth control pills............................................................... 26 10140: If they agree on khula’, does the husband have the right to change his mind? ........................... 29 22446: His family want him to marry a girl who is not religious and they say that she will change in time....................................................................... 30 21441: Ruling on wearing engagement and wedding rings ........................................................... 31 12555: Should i marry him....................................... 33 22219: How much should a man take from his wife who is divorced by khula’? ......................... 35 11137: Ruling on marrying one’s daughter to an AIDS patient ........................................................ 36 v

12277: Is masturbation permissible if a person knows that he would not be able to give a wife her rights? ................................................................. 37 12819: Undoing the effects of magic on the groom on his wedding night ..................................... 42 10048: Is it makrooh to leave a long interval between the marriage contract and consummation of the marriage? ............................... 43 4536: Is having intercourse with one’s wife equivalent (in reward) to praying 70 naafil prayers? .......................................................... 44 7885: He got married to a girl but he does not feel any attraction towards her ................................. 48 10033: He wants to limit having children because he is poor .................................................... 50 8391: He has found a religious woman but he does not find her appearance attractive – should he marry her? ............................................. 52 3347: Hitting children for purposes of discipline and threatening to punish one’s wife ........................ 56 7577: The wife’s family want to do forbidden things during the wedding party ............................... 58 5240: He loves his cousin and wants to marry her ............................................................................. 60 5202: Attributes of the ideal Muslim husband ......... 61 6145: She wants to get married, and her mother got pregnant with her without being married ........... 65 6792: Does anal intercourse cancel the marriage contract? ................................................................... 67 6254: Is it possible to be pious without being married?.................................................................... 69 6276: Differences between Muslim and non-Muslim weddings .............................................. 70 7174: She does not want to go through another bad marriage ............................................................. 71 6376: He wants to commit suicide because they rejected his marriage proposal .................................. 73 vi

2579: His wife cannot conceive now and he wants more children ................................................. 75 4318: Her husband did not respect her family and divorced her after the nikaah but before the wedding party ........................................................... 77 3002: Writing “Bismillaah ir-Rahmaaan il-raheem” on wedding invitations is permissible .... 79 2731: He married someone other than the woman his parents wanted .................................................... 80 3023: She is in love with a Muslim and wants to marry him – does she have to become Muslim? ...... 81 2246: Appearaing before one’s fiancé before the wedding (nikaah) ...................................................... 83 1137: Wants to marry a woman but his parents do not approve of her ............................................... 84 988: He loves a woman but his mother disrespects her because of her origins ......................................... 85 1805: Wants to marry a girl but his father does not approve of her .................................................... 88 854: What should a Muslim do when he wants to consummate his marriage? ................................... 90 2135: Premarital sex, and is it the parents’ obligation to arrange marriage for their children? .... 93 2529: Wants to marry a girl who has repented of her past but his mother does not approve ............ 94 2221: What is done between the engagement and the marriage contract, and the marriage contract and the wedding party ................................ 95 1431: Loving a man in secret and praying that she will marry him.................................................... 97 2381: Fighting for love ............................................. 97 2132: A Christian woman got married in a church then became Muslim .................................... 99 2067: What to recite during a marriage cerimony ................................................................. 101 1897: Shaking hands etc. after nikaah .................... 104 682: Father preventing his son from marrying vii

because he needs his help to take care of siblings ................................................................... 104 653: Divorced wife due to her family’s use of sihr (magic or witchcraft) ................................... 106 1249: If A Wife Deserts Her Husband Marriage Will Not Be Nullified ............................................. 107 1103: Ruling on Intercourse with a Woman in her rectum ............................................................... 108 225: No prescribed period for consummating marriage .................................................................. 110 Chapter 2............................................................................... 112

Transactions ....................................................... 112 Marriage: Rights of spouses ........................................ 112 20433: Is it permissible for a wife to take from her husband’s wealth without his permission? ....... 112 36818: Her husband left her for a long time with her agreement; is she sinning by not asking for a divorce? .......................................................... 113 38105: He is afraid that he caused his wife’s death ....................................................................... 116 45715: Can the wife of a prisoner wear provocative clothing for him when visiting him? .. 120 48956: Can a man prevent his wife from observing i’tikaaf? .................................................. 122 49834: The reason why a woman is not allowed to observe a naafil fast without her husband’s permission .............................................................. 125 48489: Her husband is weak – can she put medicine in his food without him knowing? .......... 127 43123: Obeying one’s husband comes before obeying one’s parents and siblings ......................... 128 43166: Does the husband have to make his wife happy? ............................................................ 131 45600: Her husband only gives her maintenance, and he lives far away from her. Can she ask for a divorce? ............................................................... 133 44997: Her family took her away without viii

her husband’s permission ....................................... 137 6913: The wife of a Daaiyah is complaining because her husband is so busy .............................. 140 27104: He talks about marriage secrets and gets married with the intention of divorcing the woman .............................................................. 145 22026: Her husband only has intercourse with her every four months............................................. 150 38013: Her husband cannot have intercourse with her because of the pain she feels. What is the solution? ....................................................... 152 38724: Her husband wants her to sit in front of the TV with him ................................................. 154 11872: Obedience is only with regard to that which is right and proper ........................................ 156 26898: Husband’s parents preventing the wife from visiting her own family .................................. 160 23390: Her husband is not satisfying her sexual desire ...................................................................... 161 10143: Ruling on tying the tubes unnecessarily ..... 163 12509: She has gone off him and doesn’t want to have any intimacy with him in bed .................... 165 13802: The husband’s responsibility to educate his wife ................................................................... 169 13924: Does she have to obey her husband’s mother? ................................................................... 172 9144: Ruling on having one’s tubes tied ................ 173 12496: A husband has not been fulfilling his responsibility towards his wife for five years......... 174 12539: Is it obligatory for a wife to cook food for her husband? ..................................................... 176 22216: Shar’i procedures when a wife rebels ........ 176 22027: Prevention of pregnancy using the coil ...... 178 0680: What are the rights of the husband and what are the rights of the wife? .............................. 180 8801: Wife’s duties towards her husband’s father ...................................................................... 192 ix

11582: It is hard for her to ask her husband for intimacy ............................................................ 193 12094: Her husband threatened her with divorce if she covers her face or her head ........................... 194 9550: Is it permissible for a man to be present with his wife when she is giving birth? .................. 195 452: She asked him to divorce her if he takes a second wife .......................................................... 196 7653: She does not want to live with her husband’s family .................................................... 198 2993: Woman goes out to gatherings of dhikr without permission ................................................. 202 7669: How should she deal with a husband who watches pornographic movies and does not give her her rights? ........................................... 203 5971: If she calls her husband to bed and he refuses ................................................................ 207 6713: The problem of a wife being left alone because the husband works long hours .................. 207 6228: Should he try not to have children with his Christian wife? ................................................. 210 6257: Ruling on staying with a husband who does not pray .......................................................... 211 5322: She wants to travel for five months away from her husband .................................................... 213 3320: Is it permissible to allow a Christian wife to practise her religion in the home? ...................... 213 3758: Complaint from a wife about her husband’s treatment in bed ..................................... 215 2407: Being absent from one’s wife for more than six months ...................................................... 216 482: Wife complaining of husband’s mistreatment ........................................................... 217 Chapter 3............................................................................... 222

Transactions ....................................................... 222 Marriage: Dowry ......................................................... 222 x

46667: Can he rent the traditional set of jewellery and then return it to the jeweller in order to get married? .......................................... 222 12572: The negative and harmful consequences of exaggerating concerning the dowry ................... 223 10525 Reducing the mahr is the Sunnah ................ 228 40370: Does she have the right to the second part of the dowry? .................................................. 233 20154: They agreed to give the mahr in gold instead of cash. What is the ruling? ....................... 234 10509: Is furnishing the marital home supposed to be part of the mahr (dowry)? .............................. 235 12045: He died after completing the marriage contract. Should the rest of the mahr be counted as a debt that he owes? ........................................... 236 3119: What is the minimum amount of mahr? What is the modern equivalent of the mahr of the Mothers of the Believers? ................................ 237 8884: Writing the dowry on a piece of silk ............ 240 5460: When a wife lets her husband off paying the Mahr ................................................................. 241 2491: A father puts the condition that he should get something for himself in addition to the mahr which is agreed to for his daughter at the time of the wedding contract (nikaah) ............................ 242 3784: He found out after marriage that his wife is mentally ill. Should he ask for the mahr to be returned? ................................................................. 244 3025: A Christian woman has the right to ask for a dowry from her Muslim husband ................... 245 2378: The mahr (dowry) is the right of the wife .... 246 Chapter 4............................................................................... 249

Transactions ....................................................... 249 Marriage: Engagment .................................................. 249 32668: How can a man know if a woman will be a loving and fertile wife before marriage?......... 249 xi

45668: Is what he did to find out about his fiancée correct? ...................................................... 250 41693: She has committed haraam actions with her fiancé ................................................................ 252 33007: Her fiancé does not pray and deals with riba. Should she go ahead with the wedding? ........ 257 26744: Marrying a woman who is not chaste......... 260 33710: She wants to work and her fiance says no ............................................................................ 263 20744: Should she refuse marriage to someone who has a bad past? ................................................ 267 22003: His son got to know a girl through chat rooms, and he wants to marry her .......................... 271 23432: Intercourse and masturbation with one’s fiancee .................................................................... 274 21566: Should he ask whether his fiancée is a virgin? .................................................................. 276 11618: How should he tell her that he wants to marry her? .......................................................... 277 7738: Is it permissible to refuse a good Muslim for personal reasons? .............................................. 278 21973: He has contacted her several times saying that he wants to propose marriage, but she does not know anything about him .................. 279 13791: He wants to talk to a woman before he proposes marriage to her ................................... 281 22453: She has received a marriage proposal from a person who has some shortcomings which she is trying to deal with and discuss .......... 284 5960: a fiance to be alone with his fiancee ............ 287 10681: He is attracted to a woman who is engaged to someone else ........................................ 288 10196: What is the ruling on a father preventing his daughter from marrying who she wants?.......... 289 12182: She didn’t feel any interest in a person who wants to marry her; should she pursue the matter? .............................................................. 292 xii

7757: It is not permissible for a fiancé to be alone with his fiancée ............................................. 293 3938: She has received a marriage proposal from someone who drinks alcohol ......................... 294 4027: Picture of Internet fiancée ............................ 295 8994: Ruling on engaged couple touching one another etc. ............................................................. 296 5503: Seeing a number of women for the purpose of marriage ................................................ 297 5343: He is afraid that he will offend his friend if he proposes to his sister ...................................... 298 7492: She wants to go out with her fiance to make sure about him so that there will not be a disaster ................................................................. 300 2572: Limits of looking at one’s fiancée and the ruling on touching her and being alone with her. Is her permission a condition of being allowed to look at her? ........................................... 302 3307: Can a woman uncover her hair in front of her fiancé before the nikaah? ............................. 308 3215: Her parents do not want her to be alone with her husband until after the waleemah (wedding party) ...................................................... 308 2528: Marrying a man with a bad past ................... 310 Chapter 5............................................................................... 344

Transactions ....................................................... 344 Marriage: Things which annul marriage ..................... 344 22010: She found out that the man with whom she did the marriage contract does not pray regularly and he mixes with women ...................... 344 9949: He has become Muslim but his wife has not, and she is not from among the People of the Book. Is it permissible for him to live with her? ................................................................. 345 4226: A Muslim whose wife is continuing to practise Hindu rituals after becoming Muslim ....... 347 3127: Tragedy of a woman who has become xiii

Muslim, but she has two children and their father is Hindu ........................................................ 348 4867: Ruling Concerning a Woman Remaining with Her Alcoholic Husband .................................. 352 4131: Married to a man who neglects the prayer: what should she do? ............................................... 354 Answer: .................................................................. 354 1826: She has embraced Islam but her husband is still a kaafir. What should she do? ...................... 356 204: A woman asking for divorce because of her husband’s addiction .......................................... 357 Chapter 6............................................................................... 359

Transactions ....................................................... 359 Marriage: Rulings on Marriage ................................... 359 43496: He is suffering severe pain in his lower back; does that mean he should not get married?.................................................................. 359 27305: Marrying a thirteen year old girl ................ 361 40040: Her husband is threatening to divorce her if she does not watch pornographic movies with him ................................................................. 363 26220: Marrying a Hindu girl who wants to become Muslim ...................................................... 366 27173: He married a widow and his family objects .................................................................... 368 27104: He talks about marriage secrets and gets married with the intention of divorcing the woman .................................................................... 372 34652: Remaining unmarried for the sake of worship ................................................................... 377 33711: Son marrying his father’s stepdaughter ...... 379 33700: Should marriage be given priority over settling debts? ......................................................... 381 23324: Does a man need to have a wali to get married?.................................................................. 382 20106: Marrying an ex-Christian woman who has become Muslim recently and has a child ......... 382 xiv

26852: Does a son or daughter have the right to refuse the person whom the parents choose for them to marry? .................................................. 385 32479: Family planning ......................................... 387 22107: Ruling on delaying marriage without justification ............................................................. 388 6398: She wants to marry a person she loves but her family are refusing to let her ...................... 390 23420: Is love before marriage better? ................... 392 11095: A Muslim man has proposed marriage to her, and she committed a sin previously ............ 395 14090: Ruling on delaying marriage because of studies for one who fears that he may do something haraam .................................................. 396 23472: Marriage of one who is mentally deficient .................................................................. 399 10620: Is it permissible for a man who is suffering from some sexual difficulties to get married?.................................................................. 400 10004: Does he have to divorce his wife if she rejects Islam? .......................................................... 401 10009: Why is it forbidden for a woman to have multiple husbands at one time? ..................... 402 5511: When is it obligatory for men to get married?.................................................................. 403 1665: Is it obligatory for a woman to get married?.................................................................. 405

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Introduction Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds, and peace and blessings be upon His last Messenger, Prophet Muhammad, and on his family and his companions. This book, Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings -Part 2 (Transactions continued), is the twenty-third volume of a series of authoritative Islamic books entitled Islam: Questions And Answers. The overall series discusses issues relevant to Islam, and present accurate and reliable information based on the true beliefs and practices of the Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) and his companions. The objectives of the various books include: to teach and familiarize Muslims with various aspects of their religion to be a source for guiding people to Islam to assist in solving the social and personal problems of the Muslims in an Islamic context The books are directed towards Muslims and non-Muslims alike. Subject areas include, but are not limited to, Islamic fiqh and jurisprudence, Islamic history, Islamic social laws (including marriage, divorce, contracts, and inheritance), Islamic finance, basic tenets and aqeedah of the Islamic faith and tawheed, and Arabic grammar as it relates to the Qur'an and Islamic texts. The books are compilations of questions and responses about Islam, from both Muslims and Non-Muslims. The responses are handled mainly by internationally re-nowned Islamic shaykhs and scholars, including Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, Ibn Katheer, al-Albaani, Shaykh Ibn Baaz, Ibn al-Jawzi, Ibn al-Qayyim, Al‘Izz ibn ‘Abd al-Salaam, al-Nawawi, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem, al Khudayr, Al-Dhahabi, al-Qurtubi, Al-Sindi, al-Shawkaani and al-Bastawi using only authentic, scholarly sources based on the Qur'an and sunnah. References, which include Haashiyat Ibn 1

Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings (Part 2)

Maajah, Sharh Saheeh Muslim, Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, Silsilat al-Ahaadeeth al-Da’eefah, Al-Mawsoo’ah fi Ahaadeeth al-Mahdi al-Da’eefah wa’l-Mawdoo’ah, Al-Manaar al-Muneef and Fataawa Islamiyyah, are provided where appropriate in the responses. The book provides the reader with cross references of other pertinent responses not necessarily in the same volume, but also in other volumes of the series. However, each volume is complete in itself. The book records accurately the answers the contributing Sheikhs and scholars gave to the questions put to them. These are not necessarily the answers which other sheikhs and scholars would have given. Depending on circumstances, for example, Islam permits different solutions to some questions The book also provides the reader with cross-references to other pertinent responses not necessarily in the same volume, but also in other volumes of the series. However, each volume is complete in itself. It is intended that this present series of Books will cover the following subject areas (insha-Allah): Aqeedah (Basic Tenets of Faith); Usool ul-Fiqh (Science of evidence that serve as basis for Fiqh), Fiqh (Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings), Da'wah (Inviting others to Islam), Aadaab (Manners), Akhlaaq (Character and Morals), Tareekh wa ul Seerah (Islamic history and biography), Tarbiyyah (Pedagogy, education, and upbringing) and Mashakil Nafsiyah wa Ijtimaa'yah (Psychological & Social Problems). May Allah reward the owners and maintainers of www.islamqa.com for granting me full, exclusive, assignable and transferable rights to use and display all the questions and answers needed for the compilation of these books. May Allah grant everyone involved in the promotion of this project good in this world and the Hereafter and protection from the fire of hell.

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Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings (Part 2)

Chapter 1 Transactions Marriage: General 46979: Ruling on the bride sitting on a dais Question: My question is about the dais on which the bride is placed, which is a kind of platform or stage which is on a higher level than the people who are present, so that the bride may be easily seen by all the people present. Is this a kind of arrogance, knowing that some of the friends of the bride sit with her? Please advise us, may Allaah reward you with good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The dais on which the bride sits is something that has been well known from ancient times and is mentioned in several classical texts. There is nothing wrong with the bride sitting on a dais, subject to the condition that it be screened from the gaze of non-mahram men. This is not regarded as a kind of arrogance, rather the aim, as you stated, is for everyone to be able to see her. Here we should point out the evils that happen in some societies on such occasions, where the husband sits with his wife on this dais when she is wearing all her finery, in 3

Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings (Part 2)

front of both men and women, or the husband comes in and sits with his wife on the dais when there are women present who are not his mahrams, wearing all their adornments. The scholars of the Standing Committee said: For the husband to appear on the dais in front of women who are not his mahrams and who are present at the wedding party, where he can see them and they can see him, and they are wearing all their adornments and he is wearing all his finery, is not permissible, rather it is an evil action which must be denounced. Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 19/120. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 45789: Attending wedding parties which involve some evils Question: Celebrations nowadays are not free of some evils, such as songs, dancing, music, improper clothing, etc. My question is very important: 1- Is it permissible to attend and accept invitations to these occasions? 2- As 99% of these events are not free of songs, especially those that are accompanied by haraam musical instruments or indecent words, does this mean that we should have nothing to do with them and not attend any such occasions? 3- If we do not attend these parties, does that mean we 4

Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings (Part 2)

are severing the ties of kinship, cutting ourselves off from people and causing enmity between us and them? 4- The scholars have stipulated that if we attend these celebrations we must denounce what goes on, but such denunciations receive no response and there is no real opportunity at such times which they claim are times of joy. 5- I hope that you can find the time to explain for us in detail about this matter which is so widespread nowadays. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 1 – It is not permissible to attend wedding parties that involve evil actions, such as singing that is accompanied by music or that includes indecent words. The fact that this is widespread among people does not mean that it is permissible and should not be denounced. 2 – Not attending these parties is not regarded as severing the ties of kinship, rather it is protecting oneself from seeing or hearing evil. Your family and relatives should understand that you would be keen to attend and take part, were it not for the evil things that they do. 3 – If a person who is invited to such an event knows that there will be evil things happening and that he is not able to denounce them, it is not permissible for him to attend. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in al-Mughni (7/214): If a person is invited to a wedding feast in which evil things will take place, such as wine, musical instruments, etc, and he is able to attend and remove those evils, then he must attend and denounce them, because then he will be fulfilling two duties: 5

Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings (Part 2)

accepting the invitation of his Muslim brother and removing evil. But if he is not able to denounce them then he should not attend. If he does not know about the evils until he gets there, he should remove them. If he cannot, then he should go away. Something similar was stated by al-Shaafa’i. It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah: If wedding parties are free of evils such as men mixing with women and indecent songs, or if you attend then these evils will be changed, then it is permissible to attend, so as to share in the occasion of joy. Rather it is obligatory to attend if there is some evil that you can remove. But if there are evil things in these parties that you cannot denounce, then it is haraam to attend them because of the general meaning of the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “And leave alone those who take their religion as play and amusement, and whom the life of this world has deceived. But remind (them) with it (the Qur’aan) lest a person be given up to destruction for that which he has earned, when he will find for himself no protector or intercessor besides Allaah” [al-An’aam 6:70] “And of mankind is he who purchases idle talks (i.e. music, singing) to mislead (men) from the path of Allaah without knowledge, and takes it (the path of Allaah, or the Verses of the Qur’aan) by way of mockery. For such there will be a humiliating torment (in the Hellfire)” [Luqmaan 31:6] And because of the many ahaadeeth which condemn singing and musical instruments. 6

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From Fataawa al-Mar’ah, compiled by Muhammad alMusnad, p. 92. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 44990: The reason why the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah despite the age difference Question: A Christian colleague of mine asked me why the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) when she was nine years old and he was nearly sixty, and was he intimate with her at that age or what? In fact I do not know how to respond to that. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) after he married Sawdah bint Zam’ah (may Allaah be pleased with her). She – ‘Aa’ishah – was the only virgin whom he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married. And he consummated the marriage with her when she was nine years old. Among her virtues was the fact that the Revelation did not descend when he under one cover with any of his wives other than her. She was one of the dearest of all people to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be 7

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upon him), and news of her innocence was revealed from above the seven heavens. She was one of the most knowledgeable of his wives, and one of the most knowledgeable women of the ummah as a whole. The senior companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to refer to her opinion and consult her. With regard to the story of her marriage, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had grieved over the death of the Mother of the Believers Khadeejah, who had supported him and stood by his side, and he called the year in which she died The Year of Sorrow. Then he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married Sawdah, who was an older woman and was not very beautiful; rather he married her to console her after her husband had died and she stayed among mushrik people. Four years later the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), and he was over fifty. Perhaps the reasons for the marriage were as follows: 1 – He saw a dream about marrying her. It is proven in alBukhaari from the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her: “You were shown to me twice in a dream. I saw that you were wrapped in a piece of silk, and it was said, ‘This is your wife.’ I uncovered her and saw that it was you. I said, ‘If this is from Allaah then it will come to pass.’” (Narrated by alBukhaari, no. 3682). As to whether this is a prophetic vision as it appears to be, or a regular dream that may be subject to interpretation, there was a difference of opinion among the scholars, as mentioned by al-Haafiz in Fath al-Baari, 9/181. 2 – The characteristics of intelligence and smartness that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) 8

Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings (Part 2)

had noticed in ‘Aa’ishah even as a small child, so he wanted to marry her so that she would be more able than others to transmit reports of what he did and said. In fact, as stated above, she was a reference point for the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) with regard to their affairs and rulings. 3 – The love of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) for her father Abu Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with him), and the persecution that Abu Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with him) had suffered for the sake of the call of truth, which he bore with patience. He was the strongest of people in faith and the most sincere in certain faith, after the Prophets. It may be noted that among his wives were those who were young and old, the daughter of his sworn enemy, the daughter of his closest friend. One of them occupied herself with raising orphans, another distinguished herself from others by fasting and praying qiyaam a great deal… They represented all kinds of people, through whom the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was able to set out a way for the Muslims showing how to deal properly with all kinds of people. [See al-Seerah al-Nabawiyyah fi Daw’ al-Masaadir alAsliyyah, p. 711]. With regard to the issue of her being young and your being confused about that, you should note that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) grew up in a hot country, the Arabian Peninsula. Usually in hot countries adolescence comes early and people marry early. This is how the people of Arabia were until recently. Moreover, women vary greatly in their development and their physical readiness for marriage. If you think – may Allaah guide you – that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not marry 9

Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings (Part 2)

any virgin other than ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), and that all his other wives had been previously married, this will refute the notion spread by many hostile sources, that the basic motive behind the Prophet’s marriages was physical desire and enjoyment of women, because if that was his intention he would have chosen only those who were virgins and beautiful etc. Such slanders against the Prophet of Mercy (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) by kaafirs and others of their ilk, are indicative of their inability to find fault with the law and religion that he brought from Allaah, so they try to find ways to criticize Islam with regard to issues that are not related to sharee’ah. And Allaah is the Source of strength. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions. For more information see Zaad al-Ma’aad, 1/106. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 13492: Encouragement to have a lot of children Question: I noticed that people are of two types: those who encourage us to have few children and those who encourage us to have a lot of children. Is there is evidence to support either of these two opinions?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

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Abu Dawood (2050) narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “I have found a woman who is of good lineage and is beautiful, but she does not children. Should I marry her?” He said, “No.” Then he came again with the same question and he told him not to marry her. Then he came a third time with the same question and he said: “Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the other nations.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1784. This hadeeth indicates that it is encouraged to marry women who are fertile, so that the numbers of the ummah will increase, and so the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) will feel proud of his ummah before all other nations. This shows that it is encouraged to have a lot of children. Al-Ghazaali said that when a man gets married, intending thereby to have children, that this is an act of worship for which he will be rewarded because of his good intention. He explained that in several ways: 1 – This is in accordance with what Allaah wants, which is to perpetuate the human race. 2 – Seeking the love of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in having many children, so that he will feel proud of them before the other Prophets and nations on the Day of Resurrection. 3 – Seeking barakah (blessing) and a great deal of reward, and forgiveness of sins through the du’aa’ of a righteous child after one dies. It is well known that since ancient times children have been the hope of the Prophets and Messengers and all of the righteous slaves of Allaah, and that will continue to 11

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be the case so long as man’s innate nature (fitrah) remains sound. Children are a blessing whom people love and on whom they pin their hopes. Ibraaheem (peace be upon him) prayed to his Lord, saying (interpretation of the meaning): “My Lord! Grant me (offspring) from the righteous” [al-Saafaat 37:100] And Allaah says of Zakariya (peace be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning): “When he called out his Lord (Allaah) a call in secret. He said: ‘My Lord! Indeed my bones have grown feeble, and grey hair has spread on my head, and I have never been unblest in my invocation to You, O my Lord! And verily, I fear my relatives after me, and my wife is barren. So give me from Yourself an heir. Who shall inherit me, and inherit (also) the posterity of Ya’qoob (Jacob) (inheritance of the religious knowledge and Prophethood, not of wealth). And make him, my Lord, one with whom You are WellPleased!’ (Allaah said) ‘O Zakariyya (Zachariah)! Verily, We give you the glad tidings of a son, whose name will be Yahyaa (John). We have given that name to none before (him)’” [Maryam 19:3-7] Allaah praises His righteous slaves in many ways, such as when He said (interpretation of the meaning): “And those who say: ‘Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the Muttaqoon (the pious)’” [al-Furqaan 25:74] 12

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And Allaah tells us that Shu’ayb (peace be upon him) commanded his people to remember Allaah’s blessing to them when He made them many after they had been few. He said (interpretation of the meaning): “And remember when you were but few, and He multiplied you” [al-A’raaf 7:86] He regarded their being multiplied after they had been few as a great blessing which obliged them to obey Allaah and obey His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Undoubtedly the benefits of increasing the nation’s offspring are obvious to everyone who thinks about the matter. Hence nations who understand this matter have been keen to encourage their people to increase their numbers and also to make their enemies reduce their numbers by means of specious arguments and sometimes by using means that lead to infertility and having few children, by means of drugs, contaminated food stuffs that reduce fertility and so on. This is one of the means of war used against the Muslim ummah by its enemies. We ask Allaah to ward off the evil of those who disbelieve and to thwart their plots against the Muslims. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 11565: Which is better, marriage or Hajj? Question: Which is better, to fulfil the obligation of Hajj or to get married, for one who is single?. 13

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If you fear that you may commit zina (fornication), then you should give priority to marriage over performing the obligatory Hajj and ‘Umrah. But if you do not fear that you may commit zina, then you should give priority to performing the obligatory Hajj and ‘Umrah over marriage. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 18/13. (www.islamqa.com) 8805: She wants to marry a student like her and her family doesn’t agree Question: A men, who I think is a very good muslim and Allah knows the best, has asked for my hand in marriage. I love him very much but my parents disapprove of this marriage for the following reasons. They think I am too young. They think that he (we) will not be able to support ourselves since both of us are students. They want me to finish school (i am in my last year of high school) and maybe even finish university before getting married for they think that is i get married i will not complete my studies. Please advise me on what i should do and what right i have in this. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may 14

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Allaah mercy on him) was asked a similar question and said: The ruling on that is that it is contrary to the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry [your daughter or female relative under your care] to him.” Undoubtedly your father’s preventing you from marrying one who is suitable is something that is haraam. Marriage is more important than study, and it does not mean that you cannot study, because the two can be combined. What I advise my brothers who are the guardians of women to do, is to let them complete their studies; a woman may stipulate as a condition of her marriage that she be able to continue studying until her studies are complete. Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/704-705. Secondly: With regard to what you mention about the situation of the one who has proposed marriage and that he is still a student, being a student is not regarded as an impediment to marriage if he can afford to get married and to spend on his wife on a reasonable basis. But if his being a student means that he cannot afford to get married and spend on his wife – apart from the unreasonable demands that some families make in the conditions that they stipulate – this is addressed by the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allaah enriches them of His Bounty” [al-Noor 24:33] 15

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Al-Qurtubi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: In this verse, Allaah commands everyone who is unable to get married and cannot find any means of doing so to keep himself chaste, because the most common obstacle to marriage is lack of money. So Allaah promises independence of means by His bounty, so that He will provide what one needs to get married or to find a woman who will accept a small mahr, or else remove from him the desire to marry.” Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 12/242 It should be noted that the mahr and maintenance are the rights of the woman, not of her guardians. She has the right to agree to a little and to marry one whom she knows is poor, but it has to be pointed out that many woman may agree to marry a man even though he is poor when he proposes to her, then shortly after marriage the woman may start to complain, and that leads to arguments and divorce. This should be taken into consideration. Thirdly: We advise families and guardians not to be an obstacle to keeping their daughters and female relatives chaste because of the unreasonable conditions that they stipulate regarding spending on the basis that they want to be reassured about their daughters’ future. This puts off the men who want to marry them, which leads to them being left on the shelf and the evils that result from that, especially nowadays when fitnah (temptation) is so widespread. Thus they harm themselves and their daughters when their intention is to do good. We ask Allaah to set the affairs of the Muslims straight. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 16

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33656: Muslim man marrying a chaste Christian woman Question: I would be most grateful for your help with the following issue. My daughter is a Christian (Woman of the Book) and she would like to marry a Muslim man and she does not want to change her religion. They are both living in Singapore and I have been told that in Singapore because the Muslim relogion is not the dominant religion he cannot marry her unless she becomes a Muslim. Is this the case? If it is not, can they both be married in a Muslim wedding service even if my daughter remains a Christian and could the Muslim man also take part in a Christian wedding service after he has been married according to the Muslim tradition. I am sorry to submit such a long question but this issue is causing considerable difficulties in our family and I would like to have the correct Muslim law on this issue so I can resolve the problem with the least upset to all. I thank you in anticipation. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Islam does not prevent marriage to a Christian woman if she is chaste. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “…The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste 17

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women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends…” [al-Maa’idah 5:5] What is meant by chaste women is that they are free (not slaves) and chaste (not loose or immoral). See also question no. 2527 But if a woman is not chaste, and she has boyfriends or lovers with whom she is intimate, then Islam forbids marriage to her, whether she is a Muslim or a woman from among the People of the Book, just as it forbids marriage to a man who has girlfriends or lovers, to protect married life from collapse and to protect against mixing of lineages and to avoid causes of dispute, accusation and suspicion. With regard to the Muslim husband attending marriage parties according to the Christian tradition, this is not permissible because there will be many things in these celebrations that are forbidden in Islam, such as free mixing between men and women, listening to music, drinking alcohol, dancing etc. In the hadeeth the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not sit at a table where wine is being drunk.” Narrated by Ahmad, 1/20; al-Bayhaqi, 7/366. AlAlbaani said in al-Irwa’, 7/6: it is saheeh. We thank you for your noble feelings and this good attitude and your keenness to ask about the Islamic rulings on this matter. 18

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We ask Allaah to help you and guide you to the religion of Islam. Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 22897: Ruling on a woman letting a man know that she wants to marry him Question: Islamically , Is it okay for a sister to let a brother (in islam) know that she cherishes him and she has the intention to get married to him? Is it considered to be bold approach?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is nothing wrong with a woman letting a man know that in principle, however the woman should not propose herself, rather it is better if that is done via her wali (guardian) or someone else who can let the man know. This is indicated by the fact that ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them). Shaykh Dr. Khaalid al-Mushayqih (www.islam-qa.com) 9694: Can a woman look for her life partner herself? Question: I have been accused repeatedly for finding a boyfriend while wearing hijab. Personally i don’t think wearing a hijab should stop me from choosing a suitable partner. When i found him, i showed him to my parents asking 19

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for their openion on him. Some say “better not to wear hijab at all than doing this”. Am i right to say that Islam does not prevent any girls from finding a suitable partner and wearing hijab has nothing to do with it?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: The Muslim woman must know that she is obliged to wear hijaab and observe proper Islamic hijaab at all times. It is not permissible for a woman to make a wanton display of herself (tabarruj). Tabarruj is a major sin for which the one who does it deserves the wrath and punishment of Allaah. A woman, as the saying goes, is a jewel, and when she is shown to people and makes a wanton display of herself she loses her value. So I advise the questioner and every Muslim woman to adhere to proper Islamic hijaab, which is pleasing to Allaah and is an act of obedience to Him, and is a means of Allaah guiding His slave and making things easier for him. Secondly: With regard to marriage, it may be obligatory if a man or woman longs for marriage and fears falling into immoral ways. It is also the Sunnah of the Prophets (peace be upon them). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And indeed We sent Messengers before you (O Muhammad), and made for them wives and offspring”[alRa’d 13:38] Thirdly: There is a difference between a Muslim woman looking 20

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for a husband and her mixing with and talking to men for that purpose, and meeting by accident a man who she thinks is a potential husband. The former is contrary to modesty, for a woman is required to be of modest character and shy, which is an adornment and beauty for women; the virgin is the epitome of modesty as it says in the hadeeth of Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him): “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to be more shy than the virgin in her seclusion, and if he disliked something it would be known from his face.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5751; Muslim, 2320 A woman can do something better than that, which is to make du’aa’ asking Allaah to give her a good and righteous husband. Du’aa’ is one of the best things with which a Muslim may equip himself and the best way in which a Muslim may seek to meet his needs. She can also speak to some of her Muslim sisters whose religious commitment and honesty she trusts to tell her of someone who can tell a young Muslim man who wants to get married about a Muslim girl. This is better than her doing something that is contrary to modesty. Fourthly: Undoubtedly the one who told you to take off the hijab and that that is better than wearing it is wrong. How can a woman give up her religious commitment and hijab and ignore something that Allaah has enjoined upon her and said that if she forsakes it then she will deserve the wrath and punishment of Allaah and will not be granted His support? The Muslim woman must adhere to this virtue which many Muslim women have forsaken, for it is the symbol of the Muslim woman, a sign of her commitment, sincere faith and piety. 21

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I advise the sister to fear Allaah and to adhere to hijab, and Allaah will help her and make her life easier for her. And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 21818: The situation of one who is illegitimate and the ruling on marrying him Question: Is it true that our beloved prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has strongly forbidden to marry iligitimate person eventhough this person is very pious? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There are some ahaadeeth that condemn the illegitimate child, but most of these ahaadeeth are da’eef (weak) and are not saheeh (sound). It was narrated by Abu Dawood in his Sunan (4/39) and by Ahmad in al-Musnad (2/311) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophets (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The illegitimate child is the most evil of the three” meaning more evil than his parents. Among the scholars who classed this as hasan were Ibn al-Qayyim in al-Manaar al-Muneef (133) and al-Albaani in al-Silsilat al-Saheehah (672). The scholars interpreted this hadeeth in a number of ways, the most famous of which was that suggested by Sufyaan al-Thawri, who said: it means he is the most evil of the 22

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three if he does the same action as his parents did (i.e., zina or adultery). This was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah, who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is the most evil of the three if he does the same action as his parents did – meaning the illegitimate child.” Although its isnaad is da’eef, it was interpreted in this manner by the salaf, as stated above. This interpretation is supported by the report narrated by al-Haakim (4/100) – with an isnaad of which al-Albaani said, “It may be regarded as hasan” – from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The illegitimate child does not bear any part of his parents’ burden of sin. ‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another’ [al-An’aam 6:164 – interpretation of the meaning].” (al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 2186) Some scholars said that this hadeeth is to be interpreted as meaning that there is some evil in most illegitimate children because they are created from an evil nutfah (sperm drop), and usually nothing good is created from an evil nutfah. If a good soul comes out of this nutfah then it will enter Paradise. This hadeeth is to be taken as a general rule to which there may be exceptions. (See alManaar al-Muneef, 133). Hence Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “If an illegitimate child believes and does righteous deeds, he will enter Paradise, otherwise he will be punished for his deeds just like anyone else. The punishment is for the deeds, not for the lineage. Rather the illegitimate child is condemned because he is expected to do evil deeds, as often happens. By the same token, good lineages are regarded as praiseworthy because such people are expected to do good deeds. But when a person 23

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does a deed, then the reward or punishment is based on that, and the most noble of people before Allaah are those who are most pious. (al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 5/83). It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah: “If an illegitimate child dies in Islam (as a Muslim), he will enter Paradise, and his being illegitimate does not have any effect on that, because that was not due to his own actions, rather it was the action of someone else. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): ‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another’ [al-An’aam 6:164] And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): ‘Every person is a pledge for that which he has earned’ [al-Toor 52:21] And there are other similar verses. With regard to the words narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), ‘No illegitimate child will enter Paradise,’ this hadeeth is not saheeh. It was mentioned by al-Haafiz Ibn Jawzi in al-Mawdoo’aat, but it is one of the ahaadeeth that were fabricated against the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). And Allaah is the Source of strength.” With regard to the ruling on marrying one who is illegitimate, none of the reputable fuqaha’ have stated that this is haraam. However there was some difference of opinion among the Hanbalis as to whether such a person is compatible with a woman of good lineage. Some of them said that he is compatible with her, and othesr did not agree with that because that will be a source of shame 24

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for the woman, because he will be her guardian, and that would also affect her child. (See al-Mughni, 7/28). (al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 34/282). Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about a man who married his daughter to a person who was apparently illegitimate – what was the ruling on that? He answered as follows: “If he is Muslim, then the marriage is sound, because the sin of his mother and the one who committed zina with her does not rest on him. Allaah says ‘and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another’ [al-An’aam 6:164 – interpretation of the meaning]. And there is no shame on him because of their action, if he adheres steadfastly to the religion of Allaah and develops good characteristics, because Allaah says ‘O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has AtTaqwa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]. Verily, Allaah is AllKnowing, AllAware’ [al-Hujuraat 49:13] And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, when he was asked who is the most noble of people, ‘Those who are most pious.’ And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If a person’s actions make him less worthy than others, his lineage will not make him more worthy.’” From Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/166. And Allaah knows best.

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Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 11885: ‘Azl (coitus interruptus) and using birth control pills Question: according to Jabir radiyaahu canhu said: “we use to do cazli while Quran is revealing and Prophet did not prohibit? my question is as follows 1- Is it allowed to use a condom/pill? 2- if so what is the conditions? 3- what type of niyyah do we need to have at performing either or both”Condom/Pills/cazli? 4- Why the Companion doing this? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly, what the Muslims should do is to try to have as many children as they can, because this is the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the nations.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2050; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1805). Having more children increases the numbers of the 26

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ummah, and increasing the numbers of the ummah is a source of its glory, as Allaah says, reminding the Children of Israel of His blessings: “and made you more numerous in manpower” [al-Isra’ 15:6 – interpretation of the meaning] And Shu’ayb said to his people: “And remember when you were but few, and He multiplied you” [al-A’raaf 7:86 – interpretation of the meaning] No one can deny that having a large number is a source of pride and strength for the ummah, contrary to what those pessimists think who say that large numbers causes poverty and starvation in a nation. If the ummah increases in number, puts its trust in Allaah and believes His promises as mentioned in the aayah, “And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but its provision is due from Allaah” [Hood 11:6 – interpretation of the meaning], then Allaah will make things easy for them and will grant them independence of means from His bounty. Based on that, the answer to your question is as follows: Birth control pills: A woman should not use birth control pills, unless the following conditions are met: 1- She should need to use them, for example if she is ill and cannot cope with a pregnancy every year, or she is physically unfit, or there is some other reason that getting pregnant every year may harm her. 27

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2- Her husband should give his permission, because the husband has the right to have children. There must also be consultation with the doctor, to find out whether these pills are harmful or not. If these two conditions are met, there is nothing wrong with taking these pills, but that should not be on a permanent basis, because that means preventing having children. With regard to ‘azl (coitus interruptus), or withdrawing during intercourse, the correct scholarly view is that there is nothing wrong with it, because of the hadeeth of Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him): “We used to practise ‘azl at the time when the Qur’aan was being revealed” – i.e., at the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). If that action had been haraam, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have forbidden it. But the scholars say that one should not engage in ‘azl with a free woman except with her permission, because she has the right to have children. Moreover, withdrawing without her permission diminishes her pleasure, because the woman’s pleasure can only be completed after ejaculation. So not asking her permission causes her to lose out on pleasure and on the possibility of having children. Hence we state the condition that this may only be done with her permission. From Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen. From Fataawa Islamiyyah, vol. 3, p. 190. Thirdly: the reason why the Sahaabah engaged in ‘azl was because they did not want the woman – especially a slave woman – to get pregnant, so that they could continue to enjoy a physical relationship with them and the woman would still be able to do their work. Abu Dawood narrated that a man said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have a slave 28

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woman and I engage in ‘azl with her, because I do not want her to get pregnant, but I want what men want. But the Jews say that ‘azl is a lesser form of infanticide.” He said, “The Jews are lying. If Allaah wants to create (a child) you cannot prevent that.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, Kitaab al-Nikaah, 1856; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 1903). Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 10140: If they agree on khula’, does the husband have the right to change his mind? Question: If a man agrees to grant his wife a divorce by khula’, on the basis that she will return the mahr to him, then before she gives him the mahr the husband wants to change his mind, does he have the right to do that? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If he has indeed divorced her by khula’, in the sense that the marriage has been annulled and there is nothing left to be done except handing over the compensation (i.e., the mahr), then he has no choice in the matter, even if he has not yet taken back the mahr. But if they have agreed to khula’ without yet having the marriage annulled, rather they have agreed that he will let her go when she hands over the mahr, then this does not mean that the marriage has been annulled, rather it is promise to annul it. So if it 29

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has not yet been annulled, then he has the right to change his mind and not do that which he had intended. If he had said, “If you give me the mahr you will be free (I will give you khula’),” then according to the Hanbali madhhab he does not have the right to change his mind. But according to Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, if he has not yet taken back the mahr then he has the right to change his mind. In order to be on the safe side, if the latter scenario has taken place and they want to get back together, they should make a new marriage contract so as to put themselves beyond any area of scholarly dispute. Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/785; fatwa of Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di. (www.islam-qa.com) 22446: His family want him to marry a girl who is not religious and they say that she will change in time Question: Im 27 years old and have been looking for a wife for past two years....there are not many muslim girls in my country...My parents would like for me to marry one of the musim girls here ....hiwever she does not pray much nor wear niqab. they said that inshallah shell change when she comes into our environment.My problem is that there are not many choices in my country only 1500 muslims here. Do u recmmend that i marry this girl? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded the one who wants to get married to look for a religious woman. He (peace and blessings of Allaah be 30

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upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religious commitment. Look for the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” A wife is a life-long companion, and she will take care of his household and all his affairs. She will be the one to bring up and teach his children. Religious commitment is the thing that makes a woman chaste and keeps her away from bad things. So you must choose a wife from among those women who are religiously-committed and fear Allaah. What I think you should do is to strive to influence her and make da’wah to her through your family or some of your mahrams so that she will improve and adhere to the straight path. If she adheres to the straight path and improves, then marry her. Otherwise, I think that you should look for someone else, for you have no guarantee that you will be able to influence her; she may not respond, or you may be influenced by her, for no matter how much faith and taqwa (piety) a person may have, he is still human and is still subject to change or influence. Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh. (www.islam-qa.com) 21441: Ruling on wearing engagement and wedding rings Question: What’s the ruling regarding wedding rings for men? If permissible, can they be of any material other than gold? What other metals, other than gold, is prohibited for men? 31

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. With regard to men wearing gold, whether it is a ring or anything else, it is not permissible under any circumstances, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade gold for the males of this ummah. He saw a man wearing a ring of gold and he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) took if from his hand and said, “Would any one of you take a coal from the fire and hold it in his hand?” (Narrated by Muslim, al-Libaas wa’l-Zeenah, 3897). So it is not permissible for the Muslim male to wear a gold ring. But with regard to rings of silver or any other kind of metal, it is permissible for men to wear them even if they are precious metals. With regard to the wedding ring, which is worn on the occasion of marriage, this is not one of the customs of the Muslims. If it is believed that it generates love between the spouses, and that taking it off and not wearing it will have an effect on the marital relationship, then this is regarded as a form of shirk and is a kind of jaahili belief. Based on the above, it is not permissible to wear a wedding ring under any circumstances. Firstly, because it is an imitation of those who are no good; it is a custom that has come to the Muslims from the nonMuslims. Secondly, if that is accompanied by the belief that it has an effect on the marital relationship, then this is a kind of shirk. Laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa Billaah (there is no power and no strength except with Allaah). (From a fatwa issued by Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan). Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen was asked about the ruling on 32

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wearing engagement rings. He said: The engagement ring is a kind of ring, and there is nothing wrong with rings in principle, unless that is accompanied by some belief, as some people do when the man writes his name on the ring that he gives to his fiancée, and she writes her name on the ring that she gives to him, believing that this will create strong bonds between the couple. In this case, this ring is haraam, because it is an attachment to something for which there is no basis in Islam and which makes no sense. Similarly, with regard to the engagement ring, it is not permissible to the man to put it on his fiancée’s hand, because she is not his wife yet and she is still a stranger (non-mahram) to him, because she is not his wife until after the marriage contract has been done. See al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, vol. 3, p. 914-915 See also Question no. 11446. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 12555: Should i marry him Question: I have a problem as regard marriage. I am engaged to my cousin. we are both muslims, but out degree of knowledge about islam is very different. Infact i wear the hijab and try to be a good muslim while on the other hand he tries to be a good muslim but i get the impression that he is not trying hard. He is a very nice and sweet person, but sometimes i am scarred that he would not be up to standard as regard islamic practices.. for example on the weekend 33

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he goes clubbing with his friends. I am scarred and confused!! Should i marry him? we decided to get married in 5 years time, so is there time to charge him? He is always accusing me of trying to change him, but i want him to change for the better. What should i do? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We share your fears concerning marriage to this man, and we urge you to agree to marry a man who is religiously committed and of good character if one comes and proposes to you, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be tribulation in the land and great mischief.” The decision mentioned in the question to get married after five years is strange, but so long as your relative has chosen this lengthy period, you have plenty of time to find someone else who is more suitable, if such a one should come and propose – so long as there is no marriage contract (nikaah) between you and your relative. If no one who is more suitable comes along during this time, it is permissible for you to marry him (your relative), so long as He is a Muslim and he is not doing anything that would put him beyond the pale of Islam. We ask Allaah to give you strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 34

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22219: How much should a man take from his wife who is divorced by khula’? Question: If a woman asks for divorce (khula’), how much is her husband permitted to take from her? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Ibn Qudaamah said: It is recommended that he not take from her more than he gave to her. If he does that, it is makrooh (disliked) but it is still valid. This was narrated from ‘Uthmaan, Ibn ‘Umar and Ibn ‘Abbaas, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “then there is no sin on either of them if she gives back (the Mahr or a part of it) for her Al-Khul‘ (divorce)” [al-Baqarah 2:229] Al-Rabee’ bint Mu’awwidh said: I asked my husband for a divorce (khula’) for everything except my head cover, and ‘Uthman ibn ‘Affaan permitted me to do that. Such incidents become well known, (and as no one spoke against it), thus there is consensus on this matter. Since this is proven to be the case, then it is a permissible action, even though it is disliked (makrooh), because it was narrated in the hadeeth of Jameelah: “So he commanded him to take his garden back from her and no more than that.” And it was narrated from ‘Ataa’ (from Ibn ‘Abbaas) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) regarded it as makrooh to take more from a wife divorced by khula’ than had been given to her. So we may reconcile the aayah and the hadeeth by saying that 35

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the aayah indicates that it is permissible to take more than was originally given, and the prohibition on taking more in the report indicates that doing this is makrooh. al-‘Iddah Sharh al-‘Umdah, p. 482 (www.islam-qa.com) 11137: Ruling on marrying one’s daughter to an AIDS patient Question: Is it permissible to marry one’s daughter to an AIDS patient? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. He should not marry his daughter to him unless he has explained his situation and said, “I have such and such a disease.” Then if they agree to that, then that is fine, otherwise the marriage should not proceed, because if he conceals the matter from them he may have cheated them and deceived them, and the woman may pass the disease to her husband, or the husband may pass it to his wife, and to their children after that. But if she accepts you and agrees, and accepts the will and decree of Allaah, then that is OK Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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12277: Is masturbation permissible if a person knows that he would not be able to give a wife her rights? Question: According to Islam a person must get married as soon as possible so as to prevent him from commiting illegal sexual acts, including masturbation.But if the person is sure that he will not be able to respect the haququl Ibad of his wife then what is to be done?Should he still go ahead and get married or is it permissible for him to masturbate? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to marry, let him get married, and whoever cannot do that, then he should fast, for it will be a protection for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4677) Ibn Hajar said in Fath al-Baari: With respect to marriage, the scholars have divided men into several categories. The first is those who have the desire to get married and who have the financial means to do so and who fear for themselves. It is recommended for such a person to get married according to all the scholars; according to one report the Hanbalis said that it is obligatory. The wellknown view of Ahmad is that it is not obligatory for the one who is able and has the desire, unless he fears hardship. Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eid said: Some of the fuqaha’ divided marriage into five rulings. They said that it is obligatory

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in cases where there is the fear of hardship, where a man is able for marriage and it is difficult to find a concubine. This was narrated by al-Qurtubi from one of their scholars, namely al-Maaziri, who said: it is obligatory in the case of one who cannot keep away from zinaa otherwise, as stated above. He said: it is forbidden in the case of one who will not take care of his wife with regard to intercourse and spending on her, who is not able for marriage and has no desire for it. Al-Safaareeni said: the poor man who cannot spend on a wife and has no income, and has no desire – in this case it is said that marriage is makrooh for him, because he is cannot afford it and he cannot provide his wife with enjoyment to protect her, and he has no need for it. See Ghidhaa’ al-Albaab, vol. 2, p. 434 ‘Iyaad said: it is recommended in the case of everyone who hopes for offspring even if he has no desire for intercourse, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I will be proud of your great numbers.” And because of the encouragement for marriage and the commands to marry. The same applies to the one who has any desire for other kinds of enjoyment of women besides intercourse. But in the case of one who is sterile or has no desire for women or for physical pleasure, marriage is permissible for him if the woman knows and accepts that. The hadeeth indicates that masturbation is haraam, because if it were prescribed the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have indicated that. See also Question no. 329 If a person is patient in abstaining from that which Allaah has forbidden and gives it up because he is seeking the 38

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pleasure of Allaah, then Allaah will reward him abundantly on the Day of Resurrection, because whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better. And Allaah says, describing the believers (interpretation of the meaning): “And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts)” [al-Mu’minoon 23:5] The Muslim has to follow the path prescribed by Islam, as taught by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), which is fasting. May Allaah protect you and us from falling into haraam. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 9126: He is confused as to whether he should marry a virgin or a widow Question: I know a widow who has children, and I want to get married. I am wondering whether I should marry her or a virgin who has not been married before? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. This depends on the situation of the husband; it may be that marriage to a widow is more suitable for him, and better. 39

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The widow may be a lady of religious commitment and good character, such that you would not want to let the opportunity to marry such a woman “slip through your fingers”, and you could not find a virgin of such religious commitment and character. But generally speaking, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged marriage to virgins. There is the story of Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him), whose father had died, leaving him with sisters. In his case it would not have been suitable for him to marry a virgin who was young like them. So he wanted to marry a woman who had been previously married, who could take care of them and look after them, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) approved of his decision. It was narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked me, ‘Have you got married?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘A virgin or a previously-married woman?’ I said, ‘A previously-married woman.’ He said, ‘Why not a young girl, whom you could play with and she could play with you?’ I said, ‘I have sisters and I wanted to marry a woman who could gather them together and comb their hair and take care of them.’ He said: ‘You will reach, so when you have arrived (at home), I advise you to associate with your wife (that you may have an intelligent son).’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1991; Muslim, 715) According to another report narrated by al-Bukhaari (2257), “… so she could teach them and discipline them.” According to another report narrated by al-Bukhaari (2805) and Muslim (715): “He said: ‘The Messenger of 40

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Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me, when I asked his permission (to participate in jihaad), “Have you married a virgin or a previouslymarried woman?” I said, “A previously-married woman.” He said, “Why did you not marry a virgin whom you could play with and she could play with you?” I said, “O Messenger of Allaah, my father has died (or has become a shaheed/martyr), and I have young sisters, so I did not want to marry someone like them who could not discipline them or take care of them, so I married a previouslymarried woman who could take care of them and discipline them.”’” It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “My father died, leaving seven – or nine – daughters, and I married a previously-married woman. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked, ‘Did you get married, O Jaabir?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘A virgin or a previously-married woman?’ I said, ‘A previously-married woman.’ He said, ‘Why not a young girl whom you could play with and she could play with you, and you could laugh with her and she could laugh with you?’ I told him that ‘Abd-Allaah had died and left behind daughters, and I did not want to bring to them someone like them. So I had married a woman who could take care of them and discipline them. He said, ‘May Allaah bless you,’ or similar kind words.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5052) Shaykh Mustafa al-Ruhaybaani said: “It is Sunnah for the one who wants to get married to marry a virgin, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Jaabir, ‘Why not a virgin whom you could play with and she could play with you?’ (agreed upon) – unless there is a reason for which

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marrying a previously-married woman is better, in which case he should choose such a woman over a virgin, in order to serve that interest.” (Mataalib Uli al-Nuha, 5/9, 10) And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 12819: Undoing the effects of magic on the groom on his wedding night Question: Here in Egypt they say that when a man gets married, on the first night of his marriage he cannot consummate the marriage because there is some kind of magic, which they call ribaat or marboot or rabt, i.e., he is restrained or tied up (marboot) and cannot have intercourse with his wife, and so he need something to undo this magic. Is this correct? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. This is not necessarily the case, but it could happen. Some people are tested by means of someone else putting a magic spell on them which prevents them from having intercourse with their wives. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And from these (angels) people learn that by which they cause separation between man and his wife, but they could 42

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not thus harm anyone except by Allaah’s Leave [alBaqarah 2:102] But if a person uses the prayers for refuge prescribed in Islam, Allaah will be sufficient for him against the evil of the magicians and others, and Allaah will take that (magic) away if it is present. So he has to read Aayat al-Kursi over himself, and al-Faatihah, and the verses which speak of sihr (magic), and “Qul Huwa Allaahu Ahad” and the Mi’wadhatayn, and it will go away by Allaah’s Leave. This has been tried a great deal. A good qaari’ (reader) from among the good and righteous people from whom one hopes for good may also recite for him. The reader may recite into water which the man may then drink from or wash with, and the harm will go away from him, or the reader may recite over him and blow onto him, and Allaah will cure him of that. All of these are means of keeping safe and sound. Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanaww’iah li Samaahat al-Shaykh al-‘Allaamah ‘Abd al-Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), p. 116 (www.islam-qa.com) 10048: Is it makrooh to leave a long interval between the marriage contract and consummation of the marriage? Question: Is it makrooh to leave a long interval between the marriage contract and consummation of the marriage? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 43

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We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows: It is not makrooh, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concluded the marriage contract with ‘Aa’ishah when she was six years old, and consummated the marriage with her when she was nine. The prospective husband may do that sometimes because he is keen to get married and is afraid that the woman or her family may change their minds, so he hastens to conclude the marriage contract. There is nothing wrong with that from the point of view of sharee’ah, but I think that the marriage contract should be concluded at the same time as the marriage is to be consummated, or shortly before, because that helps to avoid problems that may arise, such as differences that lead to divorce, or death of one of the spouses, etc… And Allaah is the source of strength. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com) 4536: Is having intercourse with one’s wife equivalent (in reward) to praying 70 naafil prayers? Question:

According to hadith (Muslim) there is reward for husband & wife’s sexual intercourse. I heard that this reward is equivalent to merit point of 70 rakah of optional (nafl) prayer. Is it true? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 44

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Firstly: If a man has intercourse with his wife, he will be rewarded for that, because he is doing something halaal and avoiding something haraam. This is what is stated in the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): It was narrated from Abu Dharr that some people from among the companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “O Messenger of Allaah, the rich people will get more reward. They pray as we pray, and they fast as we fast, but they give in charity from their excess wealth.” He said, “Has not Allaah given you things with which you can give charity? Every tasbeehah (saying ‘Subhaan Allaah (Glory be to Allaah)’) is a charity. Every Takbeerah (saying ‘Allaahu akbar (Allaah is Most Great)’) is a charity. Every Tahmeedah (saying ‘al-hamdu-Lillaah (praise be to Allaah)’ is a charity. Every Tahleelah (saying ‘Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah (there is no god but Allaah)’) is a charity. Enjoining what is good is a charity. Forbidding what is evil is a charity. Having intercourse (with one’s wife) is a charity.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, if one of us fulfils his desire, is there reward in that?” He said, “Do you not see that if he does it in a haraam way he will have the burden of sin? So if he does it in a halaal way, he will have a reward for that.” (Narrated by Muslim, 1674) Imaam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The phrase, ‘Having intercourse is a charity’ – the word bud’ (translated here as ‘having intercourse’) may mean intercourse, or it may refer to the private part itself… This indicates that permissible actions may become acts of worship, if there is a sincere intention. Intercourse may 45

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be an act of worship if the intention behind it is to fulfil the rights of one’s wife, to treat her kindly as enjoined by Allaah, to seek a righteous child, to keep oneself or one’s wife chaste, to prevent both partners from looking towards or thinking of haraam things, and other good intentions. ‘O Messenger of Allaah, if one of us fulfils his desire, is there reward in that?’” (Sharh Muslim, 7/92) Secondly: With regard to your comment that the reward is equivalent to seventy naafil prayers” Perhaps this question about the reward for having intercourse with one’s wife comes from your reading of Imaam Nawawi’s commentary on Saheeh Muslim (Sharh al-Nawawi ‘ala Saheeh Muslim). It is a comment which we will quote below, where the shaykh (al-Nawawi – may Allaah have mercy on him) was discussing the issue of enjoining what is good and saying that it is obligatory. Then he discussed the issue of saying Tasbeeh and dhikr, which he noted is Sunnah. Then he explained that the fard act of worship is equivalent to seventy times the naafil act, and said: they reached this conclusion from a hadeeth… Then at the end of this discussion he referred to the phrase “Having intercourse…” If this is indeed the case, then you should note that the first comment has nothing to do with what follows it. The phrase “from a hadeeth” means from some hadeeth, but Imaam al-Nawawi does not quote it. When he finishes discussing the issue of fard and naafil acts of worship, and the status of each, he then starts his discussion of the phrase “Having intercourse...” So the confusion has arisen from this juxtaposition. This is what we think. But if you mean that the reward for fard acts of worship is equivalent to the reward for 46

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seventy naafil acts, then al-Nawawi did discuss this point and said that there was a hadeeth about it, but he did not quote it. We know what al-Nawawi was referring to, and this is what was pointed out by al-Haafiz ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him). Al-Haafiz said: “Note: In Ziyaadaat al-Rawdah, al-Nawawi narrated from the imaam of the Haramayn from some of the scholars that the reward for a fard act ofworship is seventy times more than the reward for a naafil act. Al-Nawawi said: they reached this conclusion from a hadeeth.” The hadeeth in question was quoted by Imaam al-Nawawi in al-Nihaayah. It is the marfoo’ hadeeth of Salmaan concerning the month of Ramadaan: “Whoever seeks to draw closer to Allaah during (this month) by doing some good deeds will be like one who does an obligatory action at any other time, and one who does an obligatory action (during Ramadaan) will be like one who does seventy obligatory actions at any other time.” This is a da’eef (weak) hadeeth which was narrated by Ibn Khuzaymah, but he was uncertain as to whether it was sound or not. (al-Talkhees al-Habeer, 3/118) What he meant (may Allaah have mercy on him) by saying that Ibn Khuzaymah was uncertain as to whether it was sound or not may be understood more clearly by referring to Saheeh Ibn Khuzaymah (3/191), where he includes it under the chapter heading, Baab Fadaa’il Sharh Ramadaan in sahha al-khabr (Chapter on the virtues of the month of Ramadaan, if the report is saheeh).

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And the isnaad of this hadeeth includes ‘Ali ibn Zayd ibn Jad’aan, who is a da’eef (weak) narrator. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 7885: He got married to a girl but he does not feel any attraction towards her Question: I would like some advice on a problem that is literally ruining my life. For a long time I was a practicing Muslim, who was happily involved in following the message of our prophet (s.a.w.)and following the commands of Allah. About two years ago, I decided that it was time that I should fulfill the other half of my religion and get married, as living as single man in a western country sets you up for all kinds of temptations. Anyway, I went to my home country, where I felt the chances of meeting someone that suited me was greater, and was introduced to several different girls, until finally I came across a girl who I felt I would like to know better. Being overseas, I had little time to really spend too much time with her, so I did the following things before I made a decision: my mother sat with her and told me she was a wonderful girl and she would be good for me. I asked several people about her and not one person had a bad thing to say. I met with her also and found her to be extremely well mannered, have strong knowledge in religion and someone that would make a good wife. And obviously, in the end, I relied on Allah. Both my mother and I prayed that I was doing the 48

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right thing, and I also prayed Istikhara to help with my decision. Well, we got married without a problem, and she got a visa extremely easily to come to where I live. I though everything was going well. Now please let me make one thing clear, she is an absolute dream to live with. I have absolutely no problem with her and she is loved by my whole family. My problem is this: I cannot for the life of me find any interest in her sexually. Before we were married I did look at her with interest, but now, for some unbeknown reason, I can’t even go near her in that way. I cannot begin to tell you how frustrating this is. Not only is it driving me crazy but she is starting to really be bothered by it too. I don’t kno Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Praise be to Allaah in all circumstances. My dear brother, what you have described is indeed difficult and hard, but the Muslim can do nothing but accept the decree of Allaah and face whatever difficulties Allaah sends by following the means prescribed in sharee’ah. What we advise you to do is the following: - Consult a trustworthy Muslim psychologist. - Seek help through ruqyahs prescribed in sharee’ah [i.e., reciting Qur’aan and du’aa’s for the purpose of seeking healing]. You can recite ruqyah over yourself, or ask a righteous person to do this for you. - If things do not change, we advise you to have patience, to fear Allaah and do your duty towards Him, and to persist in making du’aa’; Allaah will make a way out for you. 49

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- If this goes on for a long time and causes difficulties for your wife, there may be no option other than separation (divorce), and Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His bounty (cf. Al-Nisaa’ 4:130) - You have to have faith in Allaah and be optimistic. As time goes by, things may change. We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and to help you soon. And Allaah is the source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 10033: He wants to limit having children because he is poor Question: please tell me if i should wait to try and have children based on my concern for giving any children Allaah ta’Ala might give me a good islamic family environment. i have debts from long ago that involve paying ribaa and i feel that i should wait to have children until i can pay off these debts. please advise. jazakum Allahu khairan Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings) “And no moving (living) creature is there on earth but its provision is due from Allaah” [Hood 11:6] “And so many a moving (living) creature carries not its 50

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own provision! Allaah provides for it and for you. And He is the AllHearer, the AllKnower” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:60] “Verily, Allaah is the AllProvider, Owner of Power, the Most Strong” [al-Dhaariyaat 51:58] “so seek your provision from Allaah (Alone), and worship Him (Alone), and be grateful to Him” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:17] Allaah condemned the people of the Jaahiliyyah who killed their children for fear of poverty, and He forbade doing what they did. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We shall provide for them as well as for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great sin” [al-Israa’ 17:31] Allaah has commanded His slaves to put their trust in Him in all their affairs, and He is Sufficient for those who put their trust in Him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and put your trust in Allaah if you are believers indeed” [al-Maa’idah 5:23] “And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him” [al-Talaaq 65:3]. So you have to put your trust in your Lord and believe that He will provide for you and your children. Do not let the fear of poverty prevent you from seeking to have children, for Allaah has guaranteed provision for all. By not wanting children for fear of poverty, you are imitating the people of the Jaahiliyyah.

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You should also note that taking out loans with interest is ribaa (usury), for which Allaah issues the warning of a painful torment. It is one of the seven sins which condemn a person to Hell. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Avoid the seven sins which condemn a person to Hell…[which include] consuming ribaa.” And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has cursed the one who consumes ribaa, the one who pays it…” Consumption of ribaa is one of the greatest causes of poverty and loss of blessings, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Allaah will destroy Ribaa and will give increase for Sadaqaat (deeds of charity, alms)” [al-Baqarah 2:276] I think that you do not know the ruling on interest-based loans. So seeks Allaah’s forgiveness for what is in the past, and do not do it again. Wait for your Lord to grant you a way out and seek provision from Him. Put your trust in Him for Allaah loves those who put their trust in Him. Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Barraak (www.islamqa.com) 8391: He has found a religious woman but he does not find her appearance attractive – should he marry her? Question: I am seeking to get married and I was reffered to a sister ho comes from a good family, has a lot of Qur’an memorized (By Allah’s Mercy.) She comes from a good family and she is of the same reace and same upbringing as I. I am not really attracted to her physically. She is attractive but not a lot to me. I wanted to know is her deen, good family, relationship with the Qur’an, proper 52

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dress, etc. sufficiant? Or maybe I should say, Allah knows best, however do you think that I should proceed? How much does physical attraction a factor? She is not bad looking but not as nice as I wanted, May Allah guide me. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If you want to get married, then look for one who is religious, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised when he said: “Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper].” There is no reason why a man should not also look for other things, such as beauty etc., that will help him to keep his gaze lowered. This is something which should be taken into account. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) mentioned it when he said, “Women may be married for four things” – and he mentioned beauty as one of them. If you are afraid that you may treat this woman badly because you do not find her attractive, then do not go ahead and marry her. And Allaah knows best. Written by: Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr (www.islam-qa.com) 8891: Is marriage one of the actions of this world or of the Hereafter? Question: Is marriage one of the actions of the Hereafter or one of the actions of this world which are solely for enjoyment? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If the aim is to obey Allaah, to follow the example of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and 53

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blessings of Allaah be upon him), to have a righteous child, to keep oneself chaste and to protect one’s private parts, eyes and heart, etc., then it is one of the actions of the Hereafter and a person will be rewarded for it. If there is no such intention, then it is permissible and is one of the actions of this world which is solely for enjoyment. It will not be rewarded, but there is no sin involved. And Allaah knows best. Fataawa al-Imaam al-Nawawi, p. 179 (www.islamqa.com) 9848: validity of a marriage Question: What is the validity of a marriage in this situation: A man has a sexual relationship with a woman. The relationship results in a pregnancy. When the pregnant is in the third month they get married. The couple repent for the relationship, and continue to live as husband and wife for another 20 years or so as good muslims and they have 5 children in total. Some scholars referring to Aya 3 of Surat Noor say the marriage is void. Please advice. If it is Void is there a way of making it Halaal I will appreciate it highly if . Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Your wife’s brother can assume the (wali) position. If there is not a brother then an uncle would do. He second eldest son would also do, if he is an adult. In the absence of all of these, an Islamic judge or the head of the Islamic center can renew the contract. You don’t have to tell anyone about the reason. You can say that you just want to renew it 54

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because you don’t feel good about the first one. Publicity is not needed at all. There was an addition to my answer to you, but apparently it was lost for one reason or another. Here is the full answer once again: The marriage contract is void because it was made without fulfilling its necessary conditions. One of these conditions is the readiness of the womb. This means that the woman whom is to get married must have her womb unoccupied. For example, a man may not marry a woman who is pregnant. He may not marry a woman who was divorced until she is out of her idd’ah (a period where a widow or a divorced woman may not marry). Also a man may not marry a woman he has been having intercourse with until they both repent and she gets her monthly period. This is a sign that her womb is clean. The Prophet forbade Muslims to have intercourse with female slaves they bought recently until they are certain that their wombs are clear from any pregnancy. Waiting for the monthly period does this. In your case, the marriage contract must be renewed. This is not a difficult thing to do. The first boy is not Islamicly your son, as he was not created in his mother’s womb through a valid marriage contract. Some scholars say he is not to be called after you as he is born out of adultery. He is to be called after his mother’s family. He is not to inherit you and you are not to inherit him. As for the remaining children, they are yours and they carry your name. Other scholars, such as Ibn Taymiyah and Ibn AlQayyim say that if the woman is not married at the time of committing adultery, then the adulteress father may give his name to this boy and that he may be treated as his son. In your case, this last opinion may be the most suitable for you and your family. Yet you must renew your marriage contract at any Islamic center, and Allah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 55

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3347: Hitting children for purposes of discipline and threatening to punish one’s wife Question: Is it a sin to hit one’s children by hand or stick. I only do this when I feel the child has not obeyed my instruction after several warnings. Also, is it a sin to lift a hand for one’s wife. There are times when I feel that it should be done but have resisted thus far. As for the case of the children, I feel extremely guilty after the spanking given and beg The Almighty for his forgiveness if the act is wrong. Is there duaas which I may read daily for The Almighty to guide my children and bless them with good Aqaa’id? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The father’s duty is to bring his children up well and to take care of them, and hitting may be used as a means of discipline when the situation requires that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded us to smack children for not praying when they reach the age of ten, but this should be the last resort, when all others have failed, and there should be no harshness in the hitting, and we must not hit the face. The father should not hit his child at the time of extreme anger, or with a sharp instrument that may injure him, or with anything that may break bones, and he should not hit him in a place where a blow may be fatal. Brandishing the stick may be more effective than actually hitting. The point is that when disciplining his child, a father should follow the principle of using the gentlest means then the next gentlest; he should not resort to the harshest and most difficult means 56

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if he can achieve his aim with something that is easier and gentler. With regard to hitting one’s wife, this is not the first choice of ways to discipline her. First of all one should exhort and advise her. If that does not work, then (the husband) should forsake her in bed [i.e., not have conjugal relations with her]. If that does not work, then he may hit her, but not severely, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning); “As to those women on whose part you see illconduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has told us that the best of people are not those who beat their wives. With regard the guidance of children, the parents must do the things that will lead to that, such as advising them, keeping them away from bad company, helping them to maintain ties with righteous friends, treating them well and continuing to pray for them to be righteous and to be guided. Among the du’aa’s for children that have been narrated are: “Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes” [al-Furqaan 25:74 – interpretation of the meaning] and: “and make my offspring good” [al-Ahqaaf 46:15 – interpretation of the meaning]

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— or any other good du’aa’, but along with making du’aa’ one must also use other means that will help to make them strong and steadfast in Islam. And Allaah is the guide to the Straight Path. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 7577: The wife’s family want to do forbidden things during the wedding party Question: I’m getting married soon and my future wife and her family want an expensive wedding with haram stuff such as music, mixing of the sexes etc. What should I do? Should I call the wedding off and marry someone else? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. What the girl’s family wants to do is undoubtedly haraam and is unacceptable. It is not permissible to please people by doing something that angers Allaah. We do not advise you at all to start your married life with haraam actions. The Muslim should disassociate himself and his family from the idea that his wife is a cheap product to be looked at by all and sundry when she is wearing all her make-up and jewellery etc. We advise you to deal with the situation by doing the following: You should advise them, politely, and explain to them 58

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the Islamic ruling concerning what they are planning to do. Warn them of the wrath of Allaah, and explain to them that music and mixing are haraam. Tell them that they could still have a successful wedding without these haraam things, and it is not in their interests at all – in this world or in the Hereafter – to respond to the blessing of Allaah, i.e., their daughter’s marriage, by disobeying Him and going against His commands and doing things that anger Him. If that does not work, look for some wise people among their family and relatives, and from your own family too, who they think highly of and who you hope can help. Perhaps Allaah will decree that you will find a way out through them, and they will give up these evil things even if it is through pressure and embarrassment. If that does not work, look for intervention on the part of someone who is knowledgeable and wise, whom they respect and look up to. Perhaps he will make them feel ashamed, or will be able to convince them that what they want to do is wrong, so they will give it up. If none of this works, perhaps you can threaten them with divorce or separation. They might pay attention to that, because it would make them look bad in front of other people, so they will give up that which has been forbidden by Allaah. Perhaps leaving a long time between the nikaah (marriage contract) and the wedding party will have the result of convincing these people. If they do not respond at all, then we would seriously warn you against getting involved with these people. But if the girl is religious and good-mannered, and she does not agree with what her family are doing, and you and she are able not to be present when the haraam things are happening, and you can leave the party when they start doing things that anger Allaah, and also announce your 59

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objections and state that you are disassociating yourselves from what is going to happen, (this is fine). Remember the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “… then sit not with them… (but if you stayed with them) certainly in that case you would be like them…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:140]. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever among you sees an evil action, let him change it…” And Allaah is the source of help; to Him we complain and in Him we put our trust. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 5240: He loves his cousin and wants to marry her Question: Can i get married to my cousin who is 1 and a half year younger than me? She is my mom’s brother’s daughter. i really love her. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Your maternal uncle’s daughter is not counted as one of your mahrams, so the same rulings apply to her as to other women who are “strangers” to you (i.e., non-mahrams). One of these rulings is that it is permissible for you to marry her. But we should note an important point, which is that even though love is something nice, and it is 60

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mustahabb for a man to marry a woman whom he loves, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “there is nothing better for two who love one another than marriage” (Saheeh al-Jaami’, no 5200), nevertheless, this love should not be overwhelming and cause a person to forget other characteristics which he should look for in the person he wants to marry. The most important characteristic is religious commitment. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four things – her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her commitment to religion. Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!” (Agreed upon). If your cousin is religious and has a good attitude, then you have chosen well and we ask Allaah to fulfil your hopes and bring you together in a good way. If she is not, then think again about your choice. May Allaah help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 5202: Attributes of the ideal Muslim husband Question: i am a 18 yrs old girl who had been asked in marriage 5 times so far, and i have refused all of them becuase i was young ... however, now im considering marriage ... so my question is what should i look for to have a good muslim husband? and what are the most important things ... jazak allah khair 61

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We appreciate your eagerness to find out the attributes which will help you to choose a righteous husband, in shaa Allaah. There follows a description of the most important qualities which should be present in the man whom you choose or accept to be your husband and the father of your children, if Allaah decrees that you will have children. Religious commitment. This is the most important thing to look for in the man you want to marry. The husband should be a Muslim who adheres to all the laws and teachings of Islam in his daily life. The woman’s guardian (wali) should strive to check out this matter and not rely only on outward appearances. One of the most important things to ask about is the man’s prayer (salaah); the one who neglects the rights of Allaah is more likely to neglect the rights of others. The true believer does not oppress or mistreat his wife; if he loves her, he honours her, and if he does not love her, he does not mistreat or humiliate her. It is very rare to find this attitude among those who are not sincere Muslims. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings): “and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you” [alBaqarah 2:221] “Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwaa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]” [al-Hujuraat 49:13] “Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women)” [al-Noor 24:26] 62

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The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by alAlbaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1084). As well as being religiously committed, it is preferable that he should come from a good family and a known lineage. If two men come to propose marriage to one woman, and they are equal in terms of religious commitment, then preference should be given to the one who comes from a good family that is known for its adherence to the commands of Allaah, so long as the other person is not better than him in terms of religious commitment – because the righteousness of the husband’s close relatives could be passed on to his children and his good origins and lineage may make him refrain from many foolish and cheap actions. The righteousness of the father and grandfather are beneficial to the children and grandchildren. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town; and there was under it a treasure belonging to them; and their father was a righteous man, and your Lord intended that they should attain their age of full strength and take out their treasure as a mercy from your Lord” [al-Kahf 18:82]. See how Allaah protected their father’s wealth for the two boys after the father died, as an honour to him because of his righteousness and taqwaa. By the same token, if the husband comes from a righteous family and his parents are good, Allaah will make things easy for him and protect him as an honour to his parents. 63

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It is good if he has sufficient wealth to keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays (may Allaah be pleased with her), when she came to consult him about three men who had proposed marriage to her, “As for Mu’aawiyah, he is a poor man who has no wealth…” (Narrated by Muslim, 1480). It is not essential that he should be a businessman or rich, it is sufficient for him to have an income that will keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything. If there is a choice between a man who is religiously committed and a man who is wealthy, then the religious man should be given preference over the wealthy man. It is preferable that he should be kind and gentle towards women, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays, in the hadeeth quoted above, “As for Abu Jaham, his stick never leaves his shoulder”, referring to the fact that he used to beat women a lot. It is good if he is sound of body and healthy, free of faults, sickness, etc., and not disabled or sterile. It is preferable that he should have knowledge of the Qur’aan and Sunnah; if you find someone like this it is good, otherwise you should realize that this is something rare. It is permissible for the woman to look at the man who comes to propose marriage, and for him to look at her. This should be in the presence of her mahram, and it is not permitted to look more than is necessary, or for him to see her alone, or for her to go out with him on her own, or to meet repeatedly for no reason. According to Islam, the woman’s wali (guardian) should 64

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check on the man who proposes marriage to the woman who is under his guardianship; he should ask those whom he trusts among those who mix with him and who know him, about his commitment to Islam and his trustworthiness. He should ask them for an honest opinion and sincere, sound advice. Before and during all of this, you must turn towards Allaah and pray to Him to make it easy for you and help you to make a good choice and to grant you wisdom. Then after all these efforts, when you have decided on a particular person, you should pray Istikhaarah, asking Allaah for that which is good. For more details on Salaat alIstikhaarah, please see Question # 2217. Then after you have done your utmost, put your trust in Allaah, for He is the best of helpers, may He be glorified. Adapted from Jaami’ Ahkaam al-Nisaa’ by Shaykh Mustafaa al-‘Adawi. We ask Allaah, the Exalted, the Powerful, to make things easy for you, to help you make a wise choice, and to bless you with a righteous husband and good offspring, for He is Able to do all that. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 6145: She wants to get married, and her mother got pregnant with her without being married Question: When my parents did niqqa, my mother was already pregnant with me. My father has now passed away. 65

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As I will be getting married soon, I was told that my younger brother cannot be my walee and that during my niqqa, my name cannot be mentioned as “binte” with my late father’s name. Is this true? This will cause suspicion, and I want to avoid embarrasment to my family and cover the fault of my parents since they have taubah. Is there a solution to this? As a child outside of wedlock, I know that I am sinless, but I’m wondering why do I have to bear the burden of my parents old sin with this complicating matter for niqqa. Insha Allah, Allah will not place a burden on His servant greater than he can bear. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It was reported in a saheeh hadeeth that the child belongs to the bed and the stone is for the adulterer, so it is not permissible for the child to be given the name of the adulterer or of the mother’s husband. Rather, she should be called after her mother, so that her name will be So and so the daughter of So and so [her mother]. Otherwise, her guardian should choose for her a common name that cannot be attributed to any specific person. For the girl who is asking this question, there is no sin on her at all because of her parents’ sin, and if she is patient in putting up with any annoyance as a result of it, she will be rewarded for that, in sha Allaah. And Allaah knows best. See also Questions # 6195. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 66

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6792: Does anal intercourse cancel the marriage contract? Question: I just want to know if a husband and wife have anal sex does their nikah break? do you have to marry again? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (Have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allaah to bestow upon you pious offspring) for your ownselves beforehand. And fear Allaah, and know that you are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give good tidings to the believers (O Muhammad).” [al-Baqarah 2:223] From the word harth (tilth) we understand that what is permissible is only in the vagina (the front passage), especially because this is what will produce children. The semen that is planted in the womb from which offspring come is likened to the seeds which are planted in the ground, from which vegetation comes, as both of them are substances from which something else is produced. The phrase translated as when or how you will means, in any manner you wish, from behind or from the front, sitting or with the wife lying on her back or on her side, so long as it is in the place of tilth (i.e., the vagina, the place from which a baby is born). 67

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The poet said: The wombs are lands for us to till; we have to plant the seeds and whatever grows is up to Allaah. It was reported from Khuzaymah ibn Thaabit (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah is not too shy to tell you the truth: do not have intercourse with your wives in the anus.” (Narrated by Imaam Ahmad, 5/ 213; a hasan hadeeth). Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will not look at a man who has intercourse with his wife in her anus.” (Narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah, 3/529; narrated and classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi, 1165). See Nayl al-Maraam by Siddeeq Hasan Khaan, 1/151154. If a man does this, his wife is not considered to be divorced as many people think, because there is no shar’i evidence at all that indicates this. But the scholars said that if a man habitually does this, his wife has the right to ask for a divorce, because he is an evildoer (faasiq) who is causing harm by his action, and also because the purpose of marriage cannot be achieved through this action. The wife has to resist this evil action and remind her husband about Allaah and about the punishment for transgressing the limits set by Allaah. If the husband repents to Allaah from this deed, there is no reason why she should not stay with him, and there is no need to renew the marriage contract. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 68

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6254: Is it possible to be pious without being married? Question: Hello. I recently visited your website. I appreciate your strive to enlighten people seeking information on Islam. I am also grateful for the opportunity to contact you. If you would be so kind, I would like to ask you a question about Islam. I have heard that Islam says that if one does not marry, one cannot get into heaven. Is this true? If so, what is the basis? I would suppose that the reasons would be the propagation of humankind and to avoid promiscuity. The former of these seems to be common to other religions, but I am curious about the latter. Cannot one be both pious and unmarried? I would greatly appreciate any information you have and/ or links that you know that address this topic. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not essential to be married in order to enter Paradise, but if a person fears that he may do something forbidden, then he has to get married. If he does not get married in this case, then he is making a mistake. With regard to your second point, it is possible for a person to be pious without being married, but this is rare. Usually no one forgoes getting married except one who is either impotent or promiscuous, as ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) said to a man who had not got married: “Nothing is keeping you from getting married except either impotence or immorality.” In any case, Islam urges people to get married and 69

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considers marriage to be one of the ways of the Messengers; it is forbidden to forego getting married even if the intention is to devote oneself to worship. “There is no monasticism in Islam.” And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 6276: Differences between Muslim and non-Muslim weddings Question: This question is regarding Muslim weddings. I have recently embraced Islam. Previously I was Christian. I am curious to know how the muslim and christian wedding ceremony and celebration differ? Does the bride wear white? Does the couple exchange rings? Is dancing allowed? Please let me know as soon as you are able. I have not been able to find this information in any books, or at this site. Thank you! Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There are many differences between Muslim and nonMuslim weddings, such as: the condition that the woman must have a wali or guardian to marry her off, the condition that there be witnesses and that the marriage 70

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be announced, that the woman cannot be a mahram (close blood relative) of the man, and that the wedding does not have to take place in a mosque. The groom can wear any kind of clothing that has been permitted by Allaah, and it does not have to be any specific colour. It is not permitted for the couple to exchange rings, because this is an innovation that has been newly invented in the religion, and is even worse if the man wears a gold ring because gold is forbidden for men in Islam. It is mustahabb (recommended) for women in particular to sing at weddings and to use the daff (hand-drum), but not any other kind of musical instruments. It is not permissible for men and women to mix, at weddings or at any other time, or for the groom to sit with his bride in front of the women. If the women are alone and no men can see them, it is permissible for them to dance, so long as this will not cause undue provocation of desires. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 7174: She does not want to go through another bad marriage Question: I am a practising Muslim woman, alhamdulillaah. I got married to a man and travelled with him to a strange country. Because of his bad attitude and bad treatment, I 71

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got divorced from him. Now another man has come and proposed marriage to me. He calls me up every day to see what I think about it. He has admitted that he used to have intimate relationships [with women] and that he used to drink alcohol, but recently he has given that up and has not had any relationships for six months, after he regretted what he had done and promised to give up this sin. I want to settle down and feel safe, and not live alone any more, but I want someone who will fear Allaah with regard to the way he treats me. I do not want to go through another bad experience. What do you advise me? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The information you have stated about this second person is not encouraging. The fact that he calls a non-mahram woman on a daily basis is cause for suspicion. It is not necessary to call her every in order to find out her opinion and her response. The promises that he spoke about may be genuine or may not be. Hence our advice to you is as follows: Try to ask others about him, and about the new situation he claims to be in. Maybe you will find that he has some righteous female relatives who will be able to give you some useful pointers. Of course, asking questions and checking information will take time, but that does not matter, because of the seriousness of the issue. If, after you have found out about the mosque where he prays, the classes he attends, or the books and tapes he reads and listens to, you feel that he is most likely sincere and if you feel that you are able to cope with the possibility of a second failed marriage – Allaah forbid – and that it would not be too great a loss if you were to leave him after discovering that he is a hypocrite and a cheat, then 72

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we see no reason why you should not marry him. You can set out conditions and make clear requests in the marriage contract, such as requiring that he do all the prayers on time, and give up major sins like drinking alcohol, committing immoral actions, and so on. Tell him that you are going to take him at face value and deal with him on that basis. Also, do not forget to pray Istikhaarah. We ask Allaah to help you make the right decision and to guide you. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions, and grant them peace. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 6376: He wants to commit suicide because they rejected his marriage proposal Question: I am the brother who asked the question about whether it was allowed for a girl who I wanted to marry to study in university in a corrupt society. But now I have a new problem, the girl does not want to marry me any more because I’m from India and she’s from pakistan and she feels that her mother will not allow us to marry and will kick her out. Does her mother have the right to stop us from getting married just because we’er from different countries? This whole situation is making me feel extremely upset. Its been about 2 weeks since it happened and I feel extremely depressed, I been constanly crying, I haven’t eaten anything, I just can’t get any sleep and I feel like I want to kill my self. I just can’t cope with this situation any longer, what am I to do? I need help and your the only reliable source I can turn to, I am desperate 73

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for help. Please brother answer my questions, I just can’t bear this pain any longer. Thank you, and any answer will be GREATLY appreciated. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): ”And do not kill yourselves. Surely, Allaah is Most merciful to you. And whoever commits that through aggression and injustice, We shall cast him into the Fire…” [al-Nisa’ 4:29-30] No matter what psychological pressure or extreme distress befalls him, the Muslim cannot go ahead and kill himself, because he knows that the punishment for that is Hell and a painful torment, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ”Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself, he will be in the Fire of Hell throwing himself down for ever and ever. Whoever drinks poison and kills himself will have the poison in his hand, drinking it in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron [a weapon] will have that piece of iron in his hand, stabbing himself in the stomach with it in the Fire of Hell forever and ever.” (Narrated by alBukhaari, 5778). Starving oneself to death by refusing food is also a kind of suicide and deliberately killing oneself. How can a Muslim who believes in Allaah and the Last Day think of trying to move from the suffering of this world to the suffering of the Hereafter, which is more severe and more long-lasting? No sane person would do this. And for what? For a woman, when you could always find another woman 74

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to marry, for there are many women besides this one. Moreover, circumstances may change, and they may change their minds and agree to the marriage after a while. You could look for a college or school in your country that is only for women, which your wife could join, and that would solve a part of the problem. Whatever the case, you have to seek the help of Allaah and persevere with sabr (patience). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): ”And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).” [al-Talaaq 65:2] ”Allaah will grant after hardship, ease.” [al-Talaaq 65:7] We also suggest that you refer to the book “Alhomoom Dealing with Worries and Stress”, which is to be found on this web-site, and put into practise some of the things described therein, to calm you down and restore your equilibrium. Allaah is the One Whom We ask to relieve your distress and grief. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions, and grant them peace. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2579: His wife cannot conceive now and he wants more children Question: About xxx years ago my wife underwent a hysterectomy 75

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to remove her reproductive organs. She took this step by herself, under doctor’s consent, because of complications with her ovaries and scarring. I wanted to have more children with her, and now that we are Muslim, I want them even more in order to bring them up in the deen of Islam. I felt a deep sense of regret when she had her operation, but was hesitant to say anything because I did not want to worry her. Later, after the operation, she changed. She had many complications, and lost interest in me sexually. I still want more children, and I am getting older. We have two — one together, who is xxx, and a stepson, who is xxx. The younger one has received Islamic instruction and accepts Islam as his religion, but the older one rejects it completely. I love them all, but the situation saddens me. I would like to start a new family, not discarding old one. She prohibits me from another wife (but not in the contract), and I know she will leave me if I do. My question is, what advice do you have to give me? I love my wife, but I want to have more children, and my desire to be a father once again, raising my children in Islam is strong. She also rejects adoption, even if it were halal. I am just looking for a way out of my dilemma. Do you think my desire to start another family is halal? What does Islam suggest in this case? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Your desire to form another family is halaal, and your goal of having more children is perfectly legitimate. Your wife does not have the right to object to that. If she will leave you if you marry another woman, then she is a sinner. Help her to bear with patience what Allaah has decreed for her, and tell her that you will be fair and just as Allaah has commanded if you marry another woman. Break 76

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though the barrier of fear and look for a loving, fertile, religious woman, and pray Istikhaarah when you decide to go ahead. Put your trust in Allaah, for whoever puts his trust in Allaah, Allaah will be Sufficient for him. Be optimistic that Allaah will relieve your distress and grant you ease after difficulty. Keep calling the other son to Islam; may Allaah open his heart and guide him at your hands. We ask Allaah to give you strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 4318: Her husband did not respect her family and divorced her after the nikaah but before the wedding party Question: I have a two part question. First of all, I recently divorced from my husband. There were many reasons but the main reason was that he disrespected my mother and father by talking to them very harshly not once but several times. I figured if he could not respect my parents how could he possibly respect me? I love my parents very much and I don’t like to see them hurt. My question is what is a husband’s role in Islam in repect to his wife . Isn’t he suppose to respect her family also? Once a woman gets married does it mean that the husband is first priority and that her parents come in second? Secondly, I only had the Nikkah done, the rukhsati was going to be in April but I still lost my virginity. Now I fear my ex-husband will tell this in court which will be a cause of extreme embarassment for me in front of my 77

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parents especially my father. According to Islam, is it wrong to lose one’s virginity before rukhsati? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The parents have great rights, but the husband has a greater right. It is not permissible for either party to abuse the rights of the other. If the wife thinks that her husband has wronged her parents, she should advise him and remind him that the aayah (interpretation of the meaning), “… and live with them [wives] honourably…” [al-Nisa’ 4:19] includes treating her family well too, because that makes her happy, and it includes not harming them, because that upsets her. By the same token, if one or both of her parents abuse her husband’s rights, she should advise them and remind them of the seriousness of backbiting, wrongdoing and aggression. If they order her to do something and her husband orders her to do the opposite, then her husband takes precedence, because his rights are greater in sharee’ah. This does not mean that she should forget about their rights; this is the guideline she should follow in cases where there is a conflict. With regard to your second question, it is not haraam according to sharee’ah for a man to have intercourse with his wife after the nikaah (conclusion of the marriage contract) and before the wedding party. Whatever happened after the nikaah is halaal (permissible), so there is no scandal involved and no need to fear the consequences. If a man divorces his wife after the marriage has been consummated, then she is entitled to keep the entire mahr (dowry) If it is possible for mediators to try to bring you back together in accordance with sharee’ah and following the 78

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proper etiquette, then this is better. And Allaah is the source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 3002: Writing “Bismillaah ir-Rahmaaan il-raheem” on wedding invitations is permissible Question: It is permissible to write the Basmalah (“Bismillaah irRahmaan ir-Raheem”) on wedding invitations, given that after the event they will be thrown on the streets or into the garbage? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is permissible to write the Basmalah on invitations and other letters, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to begin his letters by mentioning the name of Allaah. It is not permissible for anyone who receives a letter in which Allaah is mentioned or an aayah of the Qur’aan is quoted to throw it into the garbage or put it in any undesirable place. The same applies to newspapers and other similar papers: it is not permitted to mishandle them or throw them in the garbage, or to use them to wrap food or other things, because the name of Allaah is mentioned in them. The sin is on the person who does this, not on the one who writes it. And Allaah knows best.

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Fataawa Islamiyyah, Ibn Baaz, 507. www.islam-qa.com) 2731: He married someone other than the woman his parents wanted Question: I had Nikaah with my cousin in our engagement ceremony. The actual wedding ceremony was to occur at a later date. I came to the US and got married to another Muslima without telling my parents. We have been married for 4 months now. I have informed my parents about it and they are annoyed. They wanted me to divorce this Muslima and get married to my cousin. But now they are saying that I’ve to get married to my cousin irrespective of whether I divorce this Muslima or not. But I know I will not be able to treat them equally. I never touched my cousin, but I’ve been living with my 2nd wife for 4 months now. What should I do ? Jazak Allah. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If the wife who is with you now is religious and of good character, then you are not obliged to divorce her. If you are able to treat both wives equally, then respond to your parents’ request to marry the cousin you mention. This is included in the words of the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning): “… then marry (other) women of your 80

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choice, two or three or four…” [al-Nisa’ 4:3]. If you fear that you will not be able to treat them equally and fairly, then be content with one wife, whether it is the first or the second, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “…if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (with them), then [marry] only one…” [al-Nisa’ 4:3]. Try in all cases to please your parents. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 3023: She is in love with a Muslim and wants to marry him – does she have to become Muslim? Question: I am a Christian and is in-love with a 19-year old Muslim boy. He is very nice for accepting me not as a virgin.He proposed marriage to me and I am making plans about it. Is it necessary for me to convert to Islam if I marry him even I don’t like to do so. We talked about the children that they will be Muslims. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Yes, it is very necessary for you to enter Islam. This will solve all the problems, from making the marriage valid, through giving a united direction to the future upbringing of the children, to attaining success and happiness in the 81

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Hereafter. Your feelings of unease about taking this step may be due to the difficulty of leaving behind what you are used to and the religion that you have grown up in, or reluctance to go against your family and relatives, or fear of hostility and criticism from others, or concern about losing some worldly advantages. But all these issues will be easily overcome when you seek the help of Allaah and are determined to follow the truth. The wise person is prepared to make sacrifices and put up with difficulties for the sake of following the truth, because the truth is worth pursuing. Any difficulties encountered will become easy because the result is happiness in this world and the next, and Paradise the width of heaven and earth. Moreover, your marriage will help you to live in love and harmony with your husband (if he repents to Allaah for the forbidden relationship and becomes a religious person of good morals) and his Muslim family. There will be no dispute as to which religion the children will be raised in, and they will not feel that there is any conflict in the family, so they will be able to grow up free of the psychological complexes that result from the parents’ difference of religion. Other people have felt something similar to the feelings that you are experiencing now, as is reflected in the following story, which happened at the time of the Prophet of Islam (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Anas reported that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to a man, “Become Muslim.” He said, “I feel that I don’t want to.” He said, “Become Muslim, even if you feel that you don’t really want to.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 11618; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 974). This is the correct approach which people should have towards the true religion. For more information on the topic of marriage, please see Questions #3025 and #2527. We wish you every good thing and success. Peace be upon those who follow true guidance. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 82

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2246: Appearaing before one’s fiancé before the wedding (nikaah) Question: I am engaged to man who i attend to marry in acouple months inshallah. whenever my fiance comes to my house for dinner my parents tell me not to wear my jilbab in front of him, and ot wear normal loose fitting clohtes, because there is nothing wrong with him seeing me without my jilbab because there is intention for marriage. I would like to know, if this is allowed, or am i not suppose to take my jilbab off? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. So long as the nikaah (marriage contract) has not yet taken place, this man is still a “stranger” to you, and you should observe hijaab with him (i.e., wear proper hijaab and avoid contact) just as you would in the case of any other man. He has no right to look at you beyond the look that is allowed by sharee’ah at the time of making a marriage proposal, beyond which no further look is permitted until the nikaah is completed. What you father has told you about it being OK for you to relax the rules of hijaab in front of your fiancé is not correct, and there should be no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator. The mere intention of marriage does not justify uncovering in front of him. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 83

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1137: Wants to marry a woman but his parents do not approve of her Question: I am a muslim brother who wants to get married, but i need to know what my rights are, as well as what rights my parents have over me, when it comes to the question of marriage. my parents are XXX muslims, traditionalists. I want to marry this muslim girl, she has agreed to marrying me. i am in the last year of my degree & i really do love this girl. however, one thing that i have done wrong is that i have touched her intimatly & i can’t help myself when i am near her. i am scared of this, as i do know that any contact is strictly forbidden, but i cannot control myself. i have not gone any further than touching. the reason as to why i want to marry her is not just in order to satisfy my desires, but to take care of her i every other way as well. i have known her for over 6 years, but the last year has been the most difficult. please can you give me any info or help on this matter. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You must repent to Allaah for what you have done and stop whatever haraam deed you are doing, whether it is major or minor. If you feel that in order to stop doing this haraam deed you have to marry this woman even if your parents do not agree, then go ahead and marry her, because that is the lesser of two evils, and try to please them in other ways as much as you can. See Question #988, 1114 and 1805. We ask Allaah to protect us and you from committing haraam deeds. Islam Q&A 84

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Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 988: He loves a woman but his mother disrespects her because of her origins Question: Assalama alaikum, ya shaykhuna, I have a question which is about my mother. I have a girlfried who is muslim and my mother and same of my family don’t want me to get married to her because of her (tribe). They think that her tribe is no good and no one gets married to them. My girlfried and i came from the same country, culture, and relegion but different tribes. What did the quaran say about people who disrespect others for who they are. She said that if I get married to her she will disowned me and will never talk to her. I am so confused because the quran says do what your mother tells you to do. I think what my mother is doing is aneceptable in the quran which I’m not sure. I never talk back to my mother and i respect her opinions but what can i do and how can I handle situation like this what can I do please helb me. thank you Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Before we find out what the Qur’aan says about despising others because of their origins, we should know what the Qur’aan says about having girlfriends. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them their mahr (dowry) according to what is 85

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reasonable; they should be chaste, not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:25] In his commentary on this aayah, Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Muhsanaat [translated as “chaste”] means that they should be pure, not indulging in zinaa (unlawful sexual conduct), hence they are described as not being musaafihaat, which means promiscuous women who do not refuse anyone who wants to commit immoral acts with them… Ibn ‘Abbaas said: ‘muttakhidhaati akhdaan means lovers.’ … Al-Hasan al-Basri said: ‘It means a (male) friend.’ … Allaah has also forbidden this, meaning marrying her so long as she is in that situation…’” Now that you know the Islamic ruling on this matter and are sure that what you have done is haraam and sinful, we will now move on to what Allaah says about despising others for their origins. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Let not a group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former; nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former…” [al-Hujuraat 49:11] Allaah has not created mankind in nations and tribes so that they may be proud and despise one another, but so that they may be distinguished from one another and thus get to know one another. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has taqwa (i.e. is 86

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one of the muttaqeen – the pious). Verily Allaah is AllKnowing, All-Aware.” [al-Hujuraat 49:13] Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, in his commentary on this aayah: “Here Allaah is telling mankind that He created them from one soul, from which He created its mate – this refers to Aadam and Hawwa’ (Adam and Eve) – and made them into nations, which are bigger than tribes. Beyond the tribe there are other smaller units and divisions, such as families and clans. An alternative interpretation is that ‘nations’ refers to the non-Arabs and ‘tribes’ refers to the Arabs. All people are equal with regard to lineage because of their descent from Aadam and Hawwa’, upon whom be peace, but some may be better than others in religious matters, i.e., in obedience to Allaah and in following His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). For this reason, after forbidding envy and scornful attitudes towards others, Allaah pointed out their equality as human beings: O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another – i.e., that they may know one another by referring to their tribes. Mujaahid said that this meant by calling a person ‘So-and-so the son of So-and-so, from such-and-such a tribe.’ … Abu Hurayrah reported that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked, ‘Which people are the most honourable?’ He said: ‘The most honourable in the sight of Allaah are the most pious (those who have most taqwa).’ They said, ‘That is not what we were asking about.’ He said: ‘The most honourable of people is Yoosuf the Prophet of Allaah, the son of the Prophet of Allaah, the son of the Prophet of Allaah, the son of the Friend (khaleel) of Allaah.’ They said: ‘That is not what we were asking about.’ He said, ‘Are you asking about which lineage of the Arabs is most honourable?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ 87

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He said: ‘The best of you at the time of Jaahiliyyah are the best of you in Islam, if they understand properly.’” Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) also reported that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Allaah does not look at your outward appearance or your wealth, He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’” Further information that is relevant to your question may be found under #1805 and #1114. We ask Allaah to bless us and you with strength and goodness, and to keep us all away from that which is forbidden. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 1805: Wants to marry a girl but his father does not approve of her Question: I have chosen a religious and well-mannered girl to be my wife, but when I told my father about this, he rejected the idea. I have tried to convince him but he is insisting. I wanted to know why, but he said there is no reason why. I am confused. Should I obey my father and forget about the girl I have chosen even though this will cause me and my family so much pain? I hope that you will advise of the right thing to do. May Allaah reward you with good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 88

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This question requires that we offer advice to both of you. Firstly, to your father, who you say is preventing you from marrying this girl whom you describe as religious and well-mannered. He has to allow you to marry her, unless he has some legitimate Islamic reason, which he should explain to you to convince you and put your mind at rest. He should also put himself in your shoes: if his own father prevented him from marrying a religious and wellmannered girl whom he liked, would he not feel resentful about this denial of his freedom? If he would not like his father to do such a thing to him, how can he do this to his son? As the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “None of you truly believes until he likes for his brother what he likes for himself.” It is not right for your father to prevent you from marrying this girl with no legitimate Islamic reason. If there is a reason, he should explain it to you so that you will understand what is going on. Our advice to you is this: if you can possibly change your mind and find another girl to marry, in order to please your father, maintain family unity and avoid division, then do so. But you may find that you cannot do that, because your heart is attached to this girl, and you cannot bear the thought of marrying anyone else. You may also be afraid that if you choose another girl, your father might object to that marriage too, because some parents may try to force their son to marry a relative, or a woman whose qualities the father likes but the son does not. Some parents may feel jealousy or envy even towards their own children, so they prevent them from doing what they want to do. If this is the case, then there is no sin on you if you marry her, even if your father objects. Perhaps after you are married, your father may change his mind. We ask Allaah to help you make the right choice. 89

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Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, Fataawaa Islamiyyah, vol. 4, p. 193 (www.islam-qa.com) 854: What should a Muslim do when he wants to consummate his marriage? Question: assalamuvalakum I am a 21yr old young man and inshallah next year getting married. My question is that, i need to know the way a marriage is set to be planned, i mean how is the nikah supposed to be performed, how many people can i invite is there a limit, can i have music, dancing during my wedding or during reception or valima. Also i need to know is that, whose responsibility is it to conduct the nikah and valima, is it the brides, or the bride grooms. I need to know this answer a.s.a.p. so i could inform my family and inshallah i will implement it in my life, so Allah will bless me and my marriage. My family is from XXX and so show alot of custom. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. When a Muslim wants to consummate his marriage, a number of things are recommended in the sunnah: He should treat his bride kindly and gently, like offering her something to drink and so on, because of the hadeeth narrated by Asmaa’ bint Yazeed ibn al-Sakan, who said: 90

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“I prepared ‘Aa’ishah as a bride when she married the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). I came to him and invited him to see her (uncover her face). So he came and sat beside her, and a large cup of milk was brought to him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) drank some, then offered it to her, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I rebuked her and said: ‘Take it from the hand of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).’ So she took it and drank a little, then the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her, ‘Give some to your companion (meaning himself).’” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad and deemed saheeh by al-Albaani) He should place his hand on his bride’s head and pray for her, saying “Bismillaah” and asking for barakah (blessing), saying the words reported in the hadeeth narrated by ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas, who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When one of you marries a woman or buys a servant, let him say: ‘Allaahumma inni as’aluka khayraha wa khayra ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi wa a’oodhu bika min sharriha wa min sharri ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi (O Allaah, I ask You for her goodness and the goodness which You have created in her, and I seek refuge with You from her evil and the evil which You have created in her).’” Abu Dawud said that Abu Sa’eed added: “Then let him take hold of her forelock and pray for blessing from this woman or servant.” (Reported by Abu Dawud in al-Sunan, Kitaab al-Nikaah, Baab fi jaami’ al-nikaah; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 341) He should pray two rak’ahs with her, leading her in prayer, because this is reported as being the practice of the salaf (early generations). There are two reports concerning this. (i) from Abu Sa’eed, the freed slave of Abu Usayd, which states that a group of the Companions of the Prophet 91

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(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught him and told him: “When your wife comes in to you, pray two rak’ahs and ask Allaah for the goodness of what has come to you, and seek refuge with Him from its evil.” (ii) from Shaqeeq, who said: “A man called Abu Hareez came and said (to ‘Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood, may Allaah be pleased with him): ‘I have married a young virgin girl, but I am afraid that she may hate me.’ ‘Abdullaah said: ‘Love comes from Allaah and hatred comes from Shaytaan, who wants to make you hate what Allaah has made permissible. When she comes to you, tell her to pray two rak’ahs behind you.’” (These two reports were narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah; see Aadaab al-Zafaaf by al-Albaani). When he wants to consummate the marriage, he should say the words reported in the hadeeth reported by Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him and his father) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said: “When one of you wants to approach (have intercourse with) his wife, if he says: ‘Bismillahi Allaahumma jannibna al-Shaytaan wa jannib al-Shaytaan ma razaqtana (In the name of Allaah, O Allaah, protect us from Shaytaan and protect whatever You give to us from Shaytaan)’ – then if they are given a child, Shaytaan will not harm it.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath, no. 3271) (For more information, see Aadaab al-Zafaaf by alAlbaani, p. 91) There is no limit to the number of guests one can invite to a wedding feast (waleema), so invite whoever you wish of your relatives, the bride’s relatives, your friends and anyone you have a good reason to invite. It is not permitted in Islam to do anything that is haraam such as having music, letting men and women mix, or 92

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letting women dance in front of men, or other things that earn the wrath of Allaah. How can the blessing of Allaah be exchanged for disobedience and immorality? At weddings, women can do whatever is allowed in Islam, such as singing acceptable songs with good words or entertaining themselves by playing the daff (a certain kind of drum, resembling a tambourine without the rattles) only, so long as no men are present. Providing the wedding feast (waleema) is the husband’s responsibility. The sunnah is to slaughter one sheep or more for the guests, if he is able to, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to ‘Abd alRahmaan ibn ‘Awf, “Give a wedding feast, even if it is only one sheep.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, no. 2048). We ask Allaah to bless you and your bride and to grant you a happy marriage. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2135: Premarital sex, and is it the parents’ obligation to arrange marriage for their children? Question: I have heard that it is parents obligation to arrange for marraige of adult children and if they fail to do so, punishment for any sin committed by children is given to the parents. Secondly, if anyone indulges in sex (not intercourse) with honest intentions to marry that person later, then is the 93

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sin committed by them forgiven? How bad is it for a muslim to do so? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. In answer to your second question, to say that it is permissible for a man to engage in a premarital physical relationship (even if it does not include intercourse) with a woman who is not permissible for him, claiming that he intends to marry her in the future, is total and utter nonsense. This can never be allowed by sharee’ah, and there can be no legitimate relationship until after the completion of a legal marriage contract according to Islamic law (i.e., nikaah). I sent your first question to Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Jibreen, and he wrote back to me with the following answer: Yes, it is a duty on the father to keep his children chaste by arranging their marriages, and spending on them and clothing them, if he is able to do so. If he is not able to, but the mother, grandfather or grandmother is able, it becomes that person’s duty to arrange the marriage. If the son cannot afford it but he has the ability to earn a living, it is his obligation to do so, in order to keep himself chaste. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 2529: Wants to marry a girl who has repented of her past but his mother does not approve Question: AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM 94

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I am interested in marrying this sister, that my mother doesn’t approve off. My mother doesn’t feel she is the right one for me. I am a virgin and the sister has a long sexual history. But I can tell that she has changed her behaviors and is practicing this deen better than i am. I would like to know, according to the Quran and Sunnah, is it a good idea to marry this sister. I am humbly awaiting your response AS SALAAMU ALAIKUM Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You should treat your mother respectfully, and try to persuade her to agree to your marrying this girl who has repented and is practising her religion. But if your mother does not agree, and you cannot be patient and you fear that you will fall into sin if you do not marry her, then it is still permissible for you to marry her. And Allaah is the source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2221: What is done between the engagement and the marriage contract, and the marriage contract and the wedding party Question:

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In Islamic Marriages, what symbols are used from the engagement period to the celebrations? And what is the significance of the rituals involved from engagement to celebration? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The relationship of an engaged man with his fiancée is the same as a man’s relationship with any woman to whom he is not related: he is not allowed to enjoy any kind of physical relationship with her whatsoever, until the marriage contract with her has been completed. If it is asked what kind of relationship the husband can have with his wife after the contract has been completed and before the wedding party, the answer is that he may enjoy a full husband-wife relationship, including looking at her, kissing her, being alone with her, travelling with her, having intercourse with her, etc. (al-Lajnah alDaa’imah li’l-iftaa: Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/154). For more information on the Sunnah (way of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in weddings, and what is done during the celebrations, you can refer to the questions under the heading of Nikaah (marriage) in the Fiqh (Jurisprudence and Islamic rulings) section of this Website. If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact us again. And Allah is the source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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1431: Loving a man in secret and praying that she will marry him Question: is it wrong for a girl to love someone in her heart and wish allah to marry her to this guy? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If this love is not distracting you from the love of Allaah, and will not lead to you doing or saying anything haraam, then there is nothing wrong with this, in sha Allaah, or with praying to Allaah to make him a part of your future – so long as he is a Muslim who fears Allaah. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2381: Fighting for love Question: Why it is not permissible for a muslim boy to marry who he wants? I have read that he could marry any girl who is a jew or christian? What is usually the reaction of their parents? Do they accept him and give him support? I think he should fight for the love he feel for someone who is a non muslim. What do yo think? He is not doing nothing wrong, just being happy. I will like to receive a response. I am very interested. Thanks, 97

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. A Muslim man is permitted to marry anyone he likes of the women whom Allaah has allowed him to marry, but he is encouraged to marry a Muslim woman who is religious and has a good moral character (because this is the basis of true happiness). Similarly, he is permitted to marry a chaste woman of the People of the Book, i.e., Jews and Christians. Another basis for a happy marriage is that his parents should be pleased with his choice of bride, and part of the way in which parents show their love and kindness towards their son is by helping him to get married, whether financially or in other ways. As regards what you say about striving and fighting for the sake of love, we should stop and think about this matter carefully. We believe that feeling love for a particular woman is not the be-all and end-all in a Muslim’s life, for which he should give up everything that matters to him. No way! The Muslim is wise and pays attention to everything that is in his interests, such as the woman’s religious commitment and moral character, his parents’ approval, his own honour and reputation among people, the future of the marriage and its potential to endure, whether any bad things will result from his marriage to a particular woman and whether this outweighs his interests, the environment in which the children of the marriage will grow up, the nature of his future in-laws with whom he will have to mix, etc. It is not the matter of a fleeting desire, rather it is the matter of one’s future and eventual destiny. Finally, we say that the love of a woman is not some god to be worshipped, rather it is a matter that is governed by the laws of the One God, Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds. Islam Q&A 98

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Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 2132: A Christian woman got married in a church then became Muslim Question: Assalamu Alaikum: Upon chatting with a Muslim sister who recently moved to our community, I came upon something disturbing. She has been married for about 7 years (she was Catholic at the time and al hamdullilah she has reverted to the right path). Her husband was a brand new Muslim at that time. They were married in a church by a priest. He did not know any Muslims at the time and thought that marrying the people of the book could be done in a church. It was only last week that they both found out that the ceremony should have been conducted by a Muslim. They already have 4 kids. What are they supposed to do now? Is their marriage contract valid? Do they have to redo the ceremony? What about all the years they have been together not knowing that Muslims do not get married by priests? Please advise, so that we could correct the situation if it needs correction. Jazakum Allah Khairan. Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

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Praise be to Allaah Who has guided them to Islam. We ask Allaah to help us and them to be steadfast in adhering to His religion. In response to your question, if the marriage was contracted through an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the walee (guardian) of the bride and acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom, with the consent of the bride, in front of two Muslim witnesses of good character (as regards piety, attitude, conduct, etc.), then the marriage contract is valid. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “A marriage is not properly contracted unless there are two Muslim witnesses, regardless of whether the bride and groom are both Muslims or only the groom is. This is what Ahmad stated, and it is also the opinion of al-Shaafi’i.” (Al-Mughni, 9/349; al-Mufaddal fi Ahkaam al-Mar’ah, 6/120). If the marriage was conducted as described above, then it is valid, otherwise it must be repeated. It is permissible for a non-Muslim woman to be married by her nonMuslim guardian, but if she becomes Muslim, this role can only be played by a Muslim. If she has no Muslim walee, then this role can be delegated to the director of the Islamic Centre or whoever is acting in his stead. As regards the children who were born during this time, they are the children of the man and should be given his name, as is the ruling in cases where there is uncertainty of this nature. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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2067: What to recite during a marriage cerimony Question: DEAR SIR, I am a muslim, ALHAMDOLILLAH. I want to help one non-muslim girl become MUSLIM. Kindly tell me what is QURANIC to marry (NIKAH) with her after she becomes Muslim. I want ARABIC (QURANIC) VERSES which the IMAM uses for NIKAH. SIR now I stay in CHINA so I have no place to get this material. please send me complete information. I am sure you can help a non-muslim become muslim. may ALLAH bless you for this good deed. I am waiting for your reply. Please don’t disappoint me Answer: To the one who is asking this question, we say that this woman should be taught to say the Shahaadatayn (the two declarations of faith) and then how to practise Islamic rituals such as salaat (prayer), etc. After that, a Muslim qaadi (judge) could do the marriage contract (nikaah) for him. If there is no qaadi there, then the director of the Islamic centre could do it, in the presence of two male witnesses. As regards what should be said by the one who does the marriage contract, he should say khutbah al-haajah, which you will find under the question that comes before this one (# 2066); I will send it to you with this reply, in sha Allaah. May Allaah reward you. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 101

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2021: Asking about a person’s past Question: As-salam wai lai kum, When helping brothers/sisters to find suitable Muslim partners, what questions can be asked, and what is forbidden to ask ? Can one ask about their past when they were non-Muslim or not practicing Muslims ? Can one ask ones wife/sister to describe in detail the appearance of an intended wife or describe in detail to them regarding a brother ? Was Salam Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If you want to look for a wife for someone, or a husband for a woman, then you can ask him about his wishes, such as the desired age, level of education, employment situation, country and origin and position of the family, and whether he has any preferences about her general appearance, such as skin colour, height, etc. The most important characteristic to ask about is a person’s level of commitment to Islam. This kind of useful question is fine. But asking for details of a person’s past and wanting to know what sins they might have committed when they were ignorant about Islam – this is not right at all. Allaah covers people’s sins and loves to see them covered (i.e., not dragged out into the open). So long as a person has repented, his sins have been wiped out. Islam deletes 102

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whatever came before, so why should we ask questions that will only embarrass people? Allaah accepts people’s repentance without their having to confess or expose their sins to any other person. A number of the Sahaabah had committed adultery and murder repeatedly, or had buried infant girls alive, or stolen things, but when they entered Islam they were the best of people. No one needs to be reminded of a shameful past; it is over and done with, and Allaah is the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful. What matters when considering a person for marriage is how that person is now: is he righteous or not? Has he cut all ties with his past and his wrong deeds, or not? If he is clearly living a good and righteous life now, then it is wrong to dig up the past. If there is any fear of anything that could have future implications, such as certain diseases and so on, then there are medical tests which can give the answer and put your mind at rest. As far as giving a detailed description of a prospective wife to someone is concerned, this can be done in writing: one of her mahram relatives (i.e. a blood relative to whom marriage is permanently forbidden) or a woman who knows her can write down a description, then a trustworthy person can deliver it to one who is seriously considering a marriage proposal. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman should describe another woman to her husband as if he can see her.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4839) The wisdom behind this prohibition is the fact that a husband might like the sound of what he hears, so he may divorce the one who described the other to him, or there may be temptation to do wrong. (Commentary on the above hadeeth in Fath al-Baari). We ask Allaah to help us all to do that which He loves 103

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and will earn His pleasure. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 1897: Shaking hands etc. after nikaah Question: After Nikaah (if final ceremony is not done), are you allowed to meet each other, similarly travel together and are you allowed to shake hand and hug each other? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The answer is, yes, all of this is permitted, even if it happens before the wedding party, so long as the contract has been drawn up according to Sharee’ah, with a guardian and two witnesses, and the proposal has been given and accepted, and both parties consent to the marriage. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 682: Father preventing his son from marrying because he needs his help to take care of siblings Question: Does a father have any right to prevent his son from getting 104

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married on the grounds that he needs his help in providing for his brothers and sisters? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If the son will commit haraam acts if he does not get married, then the father has no right to prevent him from getting married for the reason stated in the question. Allaah is the Provider and those brothers and sisters are part of His creation; He will never forsake them. Allaah has promised to help the one who gets married in order to keep himself chaste. He says (interpretation of the meaning): ”And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and a woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, AllKnowing (about the state of the people).” [al-Noor 24:32] The Messenger of Allaah said: “There are three to whom Allaah’s help is due: the mujaahid who goes out to fight for the sake of Allaah; the slaves who makes a contract with his master to pay installments towards his freedom; and the one who gets married because he wants to remain chaste.” (al-Tirmidhi, no. 1566. Abu ‘Eesaa said: this is a hasan hadeeth. See also Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 3050). But if the son is able to be patient and give himself up to working and helping his father to provide for his brothers and sisters, then he will be rewarded, for Allaah never allows the reward of those who do good to be lost. 105

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And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 653: Divorced wife due to her family’s use of sihr (magic or witchcraft) Question: In The Name Of ALLAH. (Q)I was married to a Muslim girl, and I divorced her because, I couldn’t intercourse with her,and I’m 100% O.K., and I discovered the reason for that,which was “SEHER”(MAGIC). We(my father and I)were advised to go to a “SHIEKH” to solve this problem, and that SHIEKH read some”QUR’AN VERSES” only,and my ex. wife was totally shaking,and was absolutely obvious that someone did a “SEHER” to her. After that, I discovered that my ex. wife’s family use the “SEHER” in their life, so I decided to divorce her because,her family wanted to carry on with “SEHER”. Now I’m asking about any USEFUL INFORMATION to help me to overcome my problem, because I need to marry again ? Prompt answer would be appreciated. Thanks, Answer: Praise be to Allaah. What I advise you to do is to put your trust in Allaah and 106

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hasten to remarry. Nothing will harm you so long as you put your trust in Allaah, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “. . . And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him. . .” [al-Talaaq 65:3] But this time you should make the effort to check out your future wife and her family very carefully. Take a lesson from your past experience, for the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The believer should not stung from the same hole twice.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath, no. 6133). Something that may help you not to worry is the fact that it appears from your question that the fault lay with your ex-wife, and not with you. So you must strive to recite the verses of the Qur’aan which offer protection (mu’awwidhaat i.e., Surat al-Falaq and Surat al-Naas) immediately after each prayer and before sleeping, blow into your hands when you recite them, and wipe your face and body with your hands. May Allaah protect you and us from all evil. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 1249: If A Wife Deserts Her Husband Marriage Will Not Be Nullified Question: What is the iddah period of a woman who deserts her husband? Is the marriage nullified, or must the husband pronounce the divorce, or does a kuli’ go into effect? 107

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Answer: Praise be to Allah; If a woman deserts her husband, the marriage contract will not be nullified. It remains valid until the husband divorces the wife, the wife gets a divorce (khul’), or the Qaadi (judge ruling according to Islamic shari’ah) annuls the marriage contract. Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 1103: Ruling on Intercourse with a Woman in her rectum Question: Please accept my apology if this questions offends, but in the pursuit of Islamic knowledge, we cannot afford to be shy for fear that if we are not well advised, we may commit a sin. I have been advised by a friend that there is a “qawl” (opinion) among some ulamaa’ (scholars) that it is permissible to conduct anal sex (anal penetration) (between man and wife only) during the time of the wife’s haydh (menstruation). Is this correct? Please also advise the laws and penalties relevant to it. Answer: Praise be to Allah. 108

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Your apology is accepted. Striving to understand the rulings of Sharee’ah in this and similar matters is not haraam or shameful; it is necessary. As regards your question, anal intercourse with one’s wife is a major sin, whether it occurs at the time of menstruation or not. The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him) cursed the one who does this: “Cursed is the one who approaches his wife in her rectum” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 2/479; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5865). The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him) also said: “The one who has intercourse with a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her rectum, or who goes to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved in what was revealed to Muhammad.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 1/243; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5918). In spite of the fact that many wives of sound nature refuse this, there are some husbands who threaten their wives with divorce if they do not obey them (in this matter), and some even deceive their wives, who are too shy to ask scholars about it, into thinking that it is permissible. The Prophet SAWS (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him) said that a man may approach his wife in any way he likes, from the front or the back, so long as intercourse takes place in the place from through which a child is born. There is no doubt that the rectum is the place from which waste matter is expelled, not the place from which a child is born. Another reason why some may commit this immoral act is that they enter upon what should be a clean married life with some jaahili (ignorant) traditions and odd practices, or with memories of scenes from indecent movies, for which they have not repented to Allaah.

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It is known that this act is forbidden even if both partners agree to it. Mutual consent to a haraam deed does not make it halaal. I ask Allah to bestow upon us a proper understanding of His religion and to make us adhere to its limits, for He is the All-Hearing, the One Who answers prayers. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 225: No prescribed period for consummating marriage Question: How soon do a married couple have to consumate their marriage in Islam? If one of the partners feels uncomfortable, what is he/she to do, if he/she does not want to consumate right away, but would prefer to wait about 3 months? Answer: al-hamdu lillaah. If a man executes a valid marriage contract with a woman then it is permissible for the two to do as they please between themselves, even with only the contract. There is no period prescribed by Islamic shari’ah between the contract and consummation of the marriage, so this issue is up to the two partners as to what they decide is most appropriate and in their best interests. 110

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It is incumbent upon both parties to consider, respect, and ensure the other one’s personal comfort and ease. Thus, if the husband sees that the wife needs some time to become acclimated and develop their relationship and level of intimacy before consummation, such as 3 months, for example, he should do so, and vice versa. Likewise, it is incumbent upon the wife if she sees that her husband feels an urgent need to guard his chastity by consummating the marriage that she should not prolong the period so that he does not fall into a state of awkward discomfort and difficulty, and vice versa. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 2 Transactions Marriage: Rights of spouses 20433: Is it permissible for a wife to take from her husband’s wealth without his permission? Question: Is it permissible for a wife to take from her husband’s wealth without his permission? and if that has happened what is the expiation for that?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible for a woman to take anything from her husband’s wealth without his permission, unless he is falling short in his spending on her, in which case it is permissible for her to take what is sufficient for her and her children on a reasonable basis, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah when she complained to him that her husband Abu Sufyaan was falling short in his spending on her and on her children. He said to her: “Take what is sufficient for you and your children on a reasonable basis.” There is no kafaarah required for that if the situation is as we have described. But if she takes when there is no shortcoming on his part, then she has to return what she took even if that is without his knowledge, if she is afraid that telling him will make him angry with her.

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May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions. Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 21/167. (www.islamqa.com) 36818: Her husband left her for a long time with her agreement; is she sinning by not asking for a divorce? Question: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce with no reason, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.” My question: What is the ruling on a wife whose husband left her 4 years ago and she is neither divorced nor is she a wife in any real sense, but she does not want a divorce because she loves him very much, and she hopes that Allaah will guide him and she can go back to him – is she sinning with regard to herself or her husband?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: Islam has given men a great deal of responsibility, which is to take care of the family and to be the protector and maintainer. The man’s role in fulfilling his duties towards his family is very great, and this role requires him to be present all the time so that he can keep an eye on everything, correct mistakes and guide his young children. He is the mainstay, protector and foundation of this family.

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If a man neglects his role, that results in unjust treatment for his wife. Allaah says in a hadeeth qudsi: “O My slaves, I have forbidden injustice to Myself and I have made it haraam amongst you, so do not treat one another unjustly.” This may lead to destruction of the family and a great deal of evil may result from this separation, for both the man and the woman. Each of them may take a lover to make up for missing their spouse, for the Shaytaan exploits weak points and flows through the son of Adam like blood. In addition to that, think of the injustice that happens to the children as a result and the shortcoming in taking care of them that means that the woman has to work harder and play the role of both father and mother at the same time. This is something that cannot be done in most cases. We all know the status of the father and the role that he plays in the family, and what may happen when he is not there. How will the children be raised, and how much will they suffer when their father is absent from them? This is what makes children hate their fathers, because they abandoned them and did not take care of them or look after them as they should. Secondly: A man may dislike his wife and not be able to stand being with her any longer. In that case it is prescribed in sharee’ah for him either to keep her in a proper and decent manner or to let her go in a kind manner. He may not be able to keep her in a decent manner because of his intense dislike for her – for example – or for some other reason, so there remains no choice but to be frank, in a kind manner, and divorce her kindly, and give her all her rights in full. The woman may want to stay with him as a wife, so she may ask him to keep her and forego some of her rights 114

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over him, such as the division of his time (in the case of a plural marriage) and spending. In that case the man should agree to her request, because that will make her feel good and will mean that he is still being kind to her, especially if that will not cause him any harm or problems. The following verse was revealed concerning such situations (interpretation of the meaning): “And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is better. And human inner-selves are swayed by greed. But if you do good and keep away from evil, verily, Allaah is Ever WellAcquainted with what you do” [al-Nisa’ 4:128] ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said – as narrated by al-Bukhaari (4910) and Muslim (3021) – that this verse was revealed concerning such situations. She said: “ ‘And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part’ this refers to a woman who is married to a man who does not want to keep her any longer and wants to divorce her and marry someone else, and she says to him: ‘Keep me and do not divorce me, but marry someone else too, and you do not have to spend on me or give me a share of your time.’ This is what Allaah says: ‘there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is better’.” Conclusion: It is not permissible for a man to leave his wife for so long; if he does that, then the woman has the right to refer the matter to the qaadi and ask for a divorce so as to avoid harmful consequences. If she chooses to be patient in the hope that Allaah will 115

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guide him and he will give up this mistreatment, there is no sin on her in sha Allaah, subject to the condition that this does not expose her to temptation because of her being away from her husband. We ask Allaah to set the affairs of the Muslims straight and to guide them aright. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 38105: He is afraid that he caused his wife’s death Question: My wife died recently (pregnancy complications) and during 5-8 months pregnancy period, me and my wife quarrel on some issue and I did not telephone her for 3 months. When she admitted in the hospital on her serious condition, I came back to from Saudi Arabia and I met my wife in the hospital and we forget about our issue of quarrel. I kiss her and spend a lot of time in the hospital sitting with her and pursuade her that Inshallah she will be alright and I spend nearly 15,000 S.R towards medical expenses but she died. Q:1) Is she died because I was not talking to her on the telephone and she took this matter seriously in her heart ? Q:2) My mother-in-law blames me for the cause of her daughters heart because I was not sending sufficient money for her because my mother wants my wife to stay in our home rather then she stays with her parents. My mother told me that if I send money she will not come back to our house, so I used to send only little money. Is that could be the cause of my wife dealth as my mother-in-law said ? Please help me and I feel very much guilty upon hearing my mother-in-laws words as I can 116

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not sleep properly and feeling quilty. It was a love marriage and we quarrel on small issue sometimes, but I never wants her death. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: we ask Allaah to shower your wife with His mercy and to record for her the reward of martyrdom, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Martyrdom is of seven types besides being killed (in jihad) for the sake of Allaah,” and among them he mentioned the woman who dies because of pregnancy or childbirth. Narrated by Abu Dawood, 3111; al-Nasaa’i, 1846; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani. And we ask Him to help you and her family to bear this loss with patience and to compensate you in this world and in the Hereafter. Secondly: there is no doubt that life and death are in the hand of Allaah and that the time of death and life-spans are decreed by His will. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Who has created death and life that He may test you which of you is best in deed” [al-Mulk 67:2] “Laa ilaaha illa Huwa (none has the right to be worshipped but He). It is He Who gives life and causes death” [al-A’raaf 7:158] No one has the power to benefit or harm another except by Allaah’s leave. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Holy Spirit inspired to 117

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me that no soul will ever depart this world until it has completed its allotted time and used up its allotted provision, so do not be too desperate when seeking provision. If you feel that provision is slow in coming, do not try to hasten it by disobeying Allaah, for that which is with Allaah can only be attained by obeying Him.” Narrated by al-Tabaraani, 8/166; classed as hasan by alAlbaani). Thirdly: Islam enjoins kindness. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has prescribed kindness in all one’s affairs.” Narrated by Muslim, 1955. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) even spoke of a woman who went to Hell because of a cat that she detained until it died. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2365; Muslim, 2242. To what degree then do you think Islam enjoins kindness towards one’s wife– one’s companion in this world and in the Hereafter? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I urge you to treat women kindly.” Narrated by alBukhaari, 3331; Muslim, 1468. Imam al-Tirmidhi narrated a hadeeth (1163) which he classed as hasan, and al-Albaani agreed with him, according to which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, during the Farewell Pilgrimage: “They (women) are like prisoners in your hands.” It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The most complete in faith of the believers are those who have the best attitude, and the best of you are those who are best towards their womenfolk.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1162; classed as hasan by al-Albaani. 118

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Fourthly: If you know from the above that you fell short in your duty towards your wife, by cutting off communication with her when she was sick and was most in need of you, and the quarrel between you was about some minor issue, as you mention, then how could you fall short in spending on her, for spending on one’s wife is obligatory according to the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and scholarly consensus, as it says in al-Mughni (9/229)? If your mother told you to do something other than that, you should not have obeyed her, because there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. Your feelings of shortcoming and sin are appropriate. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Righteousness is a good attitude, and wrongdoing is that which wavers in your heart and which you dislike people finding out about.” Narrated by Muslim, 2553. But this sin should not be regarded as the cause of your wife’s death, because it is not directly connected to it and such things do not usually kill a person. You mentioned in your question that she died because of complications in pregnancy. And you did well – may Allaah reward you with good – by sitting with her in her last days and spending on her. Your doing these things will be an expiation for you in sha Allaah. Our advice to you is to pray a great deal for forgiveness for yourself and for her, and make du’aa’ for her, give in charity on her behalf, honour her family and uphold your ties with them and treat them kindly; put up with any bad treatment you may encounter from them because of the loss of their daughter; and let what happened be a lesson for the future so that it does not happen again. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 119

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45715: Can the wife of a prisoner wear provocative clothing for him when visiting him? Question: In some Muslim countries those who are religiously committed and adhere to the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) are detained and imprisoned. The wives of these prisoners visit their husbands and the visits occur in a place where they are allowed to sit with them. Of course these sisters wear niqaab and they put something like a tent over their heads so that their husbands can see them. But some of the sisters wear revealing blouses so that their husbands can enjoy looking at them, because they have been in prison for 6 years or more. Is it permissible for a sister to do that, knowing that no one else can see her except her husband? As I said, they do that to reduce the pain suffered by their husbands. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. A woman may adorn herself for her husband in various ways and uncover her charms before him at any time, because he has the right to enjoy intimacy with her. With regard to what you have mentioned about doing that inside the prison, there is nothing wrong with that, subject to two conditions: 1 – That no stranger (non-mahram) can see the woman, either directly or through surveillance equipment.

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2 – That this does not have a negative effect on the husband, such as provoking his desires and inflaming his emotions, or causing him to compromise his religious commitment and give up his adherence to the truth that he is following, because he wants to get out and go to his wife and children. Allaah has warned us that our wives and children may be a source of fitnah (temptation) who may prevent a man from doing that which Allaah has enjoined upon him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Say: If your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your wives, your kindred, the wealth that you have gained, the commerce in which you fear a decline, and the dwellings in which you delight are dearer to you than Allaah and His Messenger, and striving hard and fighting in His Cause, then wait until Allaah brings about His Decision (torment). And Allaah guides not the people who are AlFaasiqoon (the rebellious, disobedient to Allaah)” [al-Tawbah 9:24] “O you who believe! Verily, among your wives and your children there are enemies for you (who may stop you from the obedience of Allaah); therefore beware of them! But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive (their faults), then verily, Allaah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful” [al-Taghaabun 64:14] ‘Attaar ibn Yassaar said: All of Soorat al-Taghaabun was revealed in Makkah, apart from these verses, which were revealed concerning ‘Awf ibn Maalik al-Ashja’i, who had wives and children, and when he wanted to go out for jihad they wept and tore at his heart, and said, “Who are you leaving us to?” He felt sorry for them so he stayed,

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then this whole verse was revealed in Madeenah concerning ‘Awf ibn Maalik al-Ashja’i. Al-Tirmidhi narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas said, when a man asked him about this verse: Those were some men from Makkah who became Muslim, and they wanted to go and join the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) [in Madeenah], but their wives and children refused to let them go to join the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When they finally came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) they saw that the people had learned a great deal about Islam, and they wanted to punish (their wives and children), then Allaah revealed this verse. This was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 3317. We ask Allaah to make His religion prevail and to relieve the distress of our Muslim brethren, for He is Able to do that. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 48956: Can a man prevent his wife from observing i’tikaaf? Question: Does a husband have the right to prevent his wife from observing i’tikaaf?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible for a woman to observe i’tikaaf without her husband’s permission, because her observing i’tikaaf in the mosque affects the husband’s rights. 122

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If he does give her permission, he has the right to cancel it and call her out of i’tikaaf. Ibn Qudaamah (4/485) said: The wife does not have the right to observe i’tikaaf without her husband’s permission… if her husband gives her permission, then he wants her to come out after she has started i’tikaaf, he has the right to call her out in the case of a voluntary i’tikaaf. This is the view of al-Shaafa’i… If what he gave permission for was something that she vowed to do, then he does not have the right to bring her out, because it becomes obligatory once it is started and must be completed, like Hajj once one has entered ihraam for it. The Sunnah indicates that it is permissible for a man to prevent his wife from observing i’tikaaf without his permission. Al-Bukhaari (2033) and Muslim (1173) narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) wanted to observe i’tikaaf, he would pray Fajr then enter his place of i’tikaaf. He ordered that his tent be pitched, intending to observe i’tikaaf for the last ten days of Ramadaan. Then Zaynab ordered that her tent be pitched, and others among the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also ordered that their tents be pitched. When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) prayed Fajr, he saw the tents and said: “Do you intend righteousness by doing this?” Then he commanded that his tent be taken down, and he abandoned i’tikaaf in Ramadaan and observed i’tikaaf for ten days at the beginning of Shawwaal. According to a report narrated by al-Bukhaari: ‘Aa’ishah 123

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asked him for permission (to observe i’tikaaf) and he gave her permission, then Hafsah asked ‘Aa’ishah to ask for permission for her and she did so. Al-Nawawi said: “Righteousness” here means obedience or worship. AlQaadi said: He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said this by way of rebuke. He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had given some of them permission to do that, as narrated by al-Bukhaari. The reason why he criticized that was that he feared that they would not be sincere in their i’tikaaf, and all they wanted was to be close to him because of their jealousy concerning him, or because of his protective jealousy towards them, so he did not want them to stay in the mosque when it was the place where people gathered and was attended by the Bedouins and hypocrites, and they would need to go out and come in to attend to their needs and thus they would be exposed to people’s gaze… Or it may have been because he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw them with him when he was in the mosque and it was as if he was at home with his wives, which was a distraction from the purpose of i’tikaaf, which is to keep away from one’s wives and worldly concerns, etc. Or it may have been because they were crowding the mosque with their tents. This hadeeth indicates that women’s i’tikaaf is valid, because he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave them permission, and he only stopped them from doing it afterwards for a reason. And it indicates that a man may prevent his wife from observing i’tikaaf without his permission. This is the view of all the scholars. If he has given her permission, can he prevent her after that? There is a difference of opinion among the scholars on this point. According to al-Shaafa’i, Ahmad and Dawood he has the right to stop her and bring her out of a voluntary i’tikaaf. 124

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Ibn al-Mundhir and others said: This hadeeth indicates that a woman should not enter i’tikaaf until she has asked her husband’s permission, and that if she enters i’tikaaf without his permission he has the right to bring her out; if he has given permission he has the right to change his mind and stop her. It was narrated from ahl al-ra’y that if the husband gives her permission then stops her, he commits sin thereby and she may refuse. It was narrated from Maalik that he does not have the right to do that. But this hadeeth is proof against them. From Fath al-Baari.. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 49834: The reason why a woman is not allowed to observe a naafil fast without her husband’s permission Question: What is the reason why a woman is not allowed to observe a naafil fast without her husband’s permission even though that is an act of worship, and there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Al-Bukhaari (5191) and Muslim (1026) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband is present except with his permission.”

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The version narrated by Abu Dawood (4258) and alTirmidhi (782) says: “No woman should fast when her husband is present except with his permission, apart from Ramadaan.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. Al-Haafiz said: i.e., when he is present and is not traveling. “Except with his permission” means apart from fasting the days of Ramadaan, and obligatory days apart from Ramadaan if there is not much time. This hadeeth indicates that it is haraam for her to observe the fast mentioned in the question without her husband’s permission. This is the view of the majority of scholars. This hadeeth indicates that the husband’s right over his wife takes precedence over her doing voluntary good deeds, because his right is an obligation and doing what is obligatory takes precedence over doing a voluntary action. Al-Nawawi said: This is to be understood as referring to voluntary and recommended fasts that are not to be done at a specific time. This prohibition was stated by our companions. The reason for that is that the husband has the right to be intimate with her on all days, and his right must be fulfilled immediately and cannot be delayed by a voluntary action or an obligatory action that could be done later on. If it is said that he should let her fast without his permission, and if he wants to be intimate with her he can do so and break her fast, the answer is that if she fasts, that usually prevents him from being intimate with her, because he would not want to spoil her fast. With regard to the questioner saying, “even though that is an act of worship, and there is no obedience to any 126

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created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator” – We say: Yes, but if a woman does not observe a voluntary fast, that is not an act of disobedience or sin, rather what is sinful is not fasting in Ramadaan. Hence a woman should fast Ramadaan without her husband’s permission, as is indicated by the wording of the hadeeth narrated by Abu Dawood and al-Tirmidhi, quoted above. The husband’s rights take precedence over observing a naafil fast because this is something that is obligatory, and when there is a conflict regarding acts of worship, that which is more important takes precedence. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 48489: Her husband is weak – can she put medicine in his food without him knowing? Question: I am a woman who needs intimacy with my husband, but my husband is weak in this regard. I have tried to convince him to get treatment but with no success. Can I put medicine to strengthen his desire in his food without him knowing?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. I asked our Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Baraak about this and he replied: 127

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She should not do that. If she cannot put up with it she may ask for a divorce. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 43123: Obeying one’s husband comes before obeying one’s parents and siblings Question: how important is a husband to his wife, are her sisters more important than husband, who should she listen to, how up on the importance ladder does husband comes. is husband more important than her own parents and sisters. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Qur’aan and Sunnah indicate that the husband has a confirmed right over his wife, and that she is commanded to obey him, treat him well and put obedience to him above obedience to her parents and brothers. Indeed, he is her paradise and her hell. For example, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisa’ 4:34] And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband is present except with his permission, or to allow anyone in his house without his permission.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899. 128

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Al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, commenting on this hadeeth: Since it is obligatory for a woman to obey her husband with regard to his satisfying his desire, it is more appropriate that it be obligatory for her to obey him in that which is more important than that, namely raising their children, guiding the family, and other rights and duties. From Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 282 Ibn Hibbaan narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman prays her five (daily prayers), fasts her month (Ramadaan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise from whichever of the gates of Paradise you wish.’” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 660. Ibn Maajah (1853) narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Awfa said: When Mu’aadh came from Syria, he prostrated to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said, “What is this, O Mu’aadh?” He said, I went to Syria and saw them prostrating to their archbishops and patriarchs, and I wanted to do that for you. The Messenger of Allaah (S) said, “Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allaah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman can fulfil her duty towards Allaah until she fulfils her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah. Ahmad (19025) and al-Haakim narrated from al-Husayn ibn Muhsin that his paternal aunt came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) for something and he dealt with her need, then the Prophet (peace and 129

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blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He said: “How are you with him?” She said, “I do not neglect any of his rights except those I am unable to fulfil.” He said: “Look at how you are with him, for he is your paradise and your hell” – i.e., he is the cause of you entering Paradise if you fulfil his rights and the cause of your entering Hell if you fall short in that. Al-Mundhiri classed the isnaad of this hadeeth as jayyid in al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb; it was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb, no. 1933. If there is a conflict between obedience to one’s husband and obedience to one’s parents, then obedience to one’s husband takes priority. Imam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him) said concerning a woman who has a husband and a sick mother: Obeying her husband is more obligatory upon her than (taking care of) her mother, unless he gives her permission. (Sharh Muntaha alIraadaat, 3/47). In al-Insaaf (8/362) it says: She does not have to obey her parents with regard to leaving her husband or visiting etc., rather obedience to the husband takes priority. There is a hadeeth concerning this issue which was narrated by al-Haakim from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Who has the most right over a woman?” He said: “Her husband.” I said, “Who has the most right over a man?” He said, “His mother.” But this is a weak (da’eef) hadeeth, which was classed as such by al-Albaani in Da’eef al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb, 1212, and he criticized al-Mundhiri for classing it as hasan. 130

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And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 43166: Does the husband have to make his wife happy? Question: What r the duties of a husaband towards his wife. he should keep her happy or not. my husband sometime wont treat me as his familymember.he always only see his parents &sisters worries& happiness. i want him to treat me and love aslso as his family member.can u plz give some explanatipn so that i can tell him to love me also & take care of me. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The husband has to treat his wife in a good and kind manner, and to spend on her food, drink, clothing and accommodation, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisa’ 4:19] “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, AllWise” [al-Baqarah 2:228] 131

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Ahmad (20025) and Abu Dawood (2142) narrated that Mu’aawiyah ibn Haydah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what are the rights of the wife of any one of us over him?” He said: “That you should feed her when you feed yourself, clothe her when you clothe yourself, you should not hit her on the face, you should not curse her and you should not forsake her except in the house.” Al-Albaani said concerning this hadeeth in Saheeh Abi Dawood: (it is) hasan saheeh. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) enjoined good treatment of women in more than one hadeeth. Hence the husband has to fear Allaah with regard to his wife, and give each person his or her rights. Honouring one’s parents and upholding the ties of kinship do not conflict with treating one’s wife kindly and honouring her and taking care of her. The best that can be mentioned concerning that is the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3895) and Ibn Maajah (1977). Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) regarded being kind to one’s family as being the criterion with regard to who is best. Whoever wants to be one of the best of the Muslims should be kind to his family, which includes being kind to one’s wife, children and relatives. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You will never spend anything seeking thereby the Face of Allaah, but you will be rewarded for it, even (the food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” Narrated by alBukhaari, 56.

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You should examine the reasons for the shortcomings in the way he treats you; perhaps that is due to a shortcoming on your part with respect to his rights; perhaps you do not pay attention to him, or adorn yourself for him, or hasten to meet his needs. You should be more patient, because there is a lot of good in being patient and it brings a great deal of reward. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and be patient. Surely, Allaah is with those who are AsSaabiroon (the patient)” [al-Anfaal 8:46] “Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him (by abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon (gooddoers. See V.2:112) to be lost” [Yoosuf 12:90] “So be patient. Surely, the (good) end is for the Muttaqoon (the pious)” [Hood 11:49] We ask Allaah to put our affairs and the affairs of all the Muslims straight. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 45600: Her husband only gives her maintenance, and he lives far away from her. Can she ask for a divorce? Question: Peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah, I have been divorced (with talaaq) two times. The first

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time was because I asked my husband to give me and my children just one day each month when we could sit together, against his wishes and those of his family. The second time was because he loves another woman and he humiliates me in front of my children, and he shows favour to her and does not care about my feelings or the feelings of my children. He tells her that he loves her on the phone, where I can see and hear him, even though he is not married to her. Now he had traveled and left me alone with our children, and he has no connection with us apart from some money which he sends via his family. If I get divorced, will Allaah compensate me with something better and make me independent of means by His bounty, and will He compensate me for the wrongs that have been done to me by this hard-hearted man? Or will that mean that I am not content with the decree of Allaah? Do I have the right to have a husband with whom I can live in love, mercy and tranquility, or do I have to put up with living a life of humiliation, me and my children, for the sake of this monthly allowance that he sends via his family in order to humiliate me even further? Am I regarded as patient or as weak and broken because I have put up with this life for 11 years for fear of the word of divorce?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: Allaah has permitted a man to have several wives, and has forbidden men to mistreat their wives. If a man wants to have more than one wife, then he can keep the first wife on a decent and reasonable basis, or he can let her go in a kindly manner. It is not permissible for him to keep her married to him whilst forsaking her and not 134

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giving her her rights. It is not permissible for him to be negligent with regard to his family and the upbringing of his children. Plural marriage has not been prescribed in order to destroy families, rather it is prescribed to build families and increase their numbers. This forsaking of his wife and negligence is haraam for him, even if he had another wife according to sharee’ah, so how about if he is forsaking his wife and neglecting his family for an illegitimate reason such as a haraam relationship and corrupt desires? Secondly: The wife has the right to ask for a divorce from her husband if she cannot bear his bad treatment. This does not mean that she does not accept the decree of Allaah. Indeed in some cases it may be haraam for her to stay with a husband who commits major sins and whose children are not safe from his evil influence and bad treatment. As divorce is allowed in Islam and it may even be obligatory to ask for a divorce in some cases, there is no need to think that this may go against belief in the divine will and decree, because Allaah has decreed both marriage and divorce. The wife has the right to live with her husband and be treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and to have a husband with whom she can feel happy and who will be like a garment for her, so that there will be love and compassion between them. This is the reason for which marriage was prescribed, and if anything detracts from what we have mentioned, then it is contrary to the reason for which marriage was prescribed. Hence the husband should choose a woman who is religiously-committed, and fathers and guardians should marry their daughters and female relatives under their care 135

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to men who are religiously-committed and of good character, because if the Muslim household is established on the basis of the laws of Allaah, no wrongdoing or cruelty will be seen in it. If a wife dislikes her husband for a legitimate shar’i reason, then she can ask for divorce (talaaq) or can divorce him by khula’, and if he dislikes her he can divorce her by talaaq and give her her rights in full. He should either retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness. If divorce takes place, then Allaah may decree that she finds a good, righteous husband, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “But if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty” [al-Nisa’ 4:130] Thirdly: Some woman stay and put up with their husbands because of the possibility that Allaah may reform them, or so that he will remain in contact with his children and take care of them and spend on them. If a long time goes by and he does not reform or he mistreats his wife and children too much, and she has sufficient money to spend on herself and her children, then there is no point in her staying with him. Rather the right thing to do is to rid herself of him so that she can live a better and more decent life, and raise her children to obey Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). You should take stock of yourself and repent to Allaah for any sins or transgressions that you may have committed against the rights of Allaah or the rights of your husband, or anyone else. Perhaps what has happened to you may be a punishment for a sin that you have 136

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committed, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much” [al-Shoora 42:30] Think long and hard about your situation and how likely it is that you may find a husband after him or live a peaceful life without him. Consult people around you who are close to you and are sincere. I advise you, if they agree with you, to divorce him if the situation is as you describe in your question. So pray istikhaarah and ask Allaah for guidance, and if you feel at ease with the idea of divorce then go ahead, and ask Allaah to make you independent of means by His bounty. We ask Allaah to set your affairs straight and to relieve your distress and reconcile between you if that is better for you both. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 44997: Her family took her away without her husband’s permission Question: I have a brother who has been married for several years, and he has a son and a daughter. He often has arguments with his wife, then they make up. The most recent incident was when she started to cursing her parents-in-law, then she went even further and hit her husband. Then she told her family, and they came and took her away without her husband’s permission. There is a lot of immorality and lack of religious commitment, the extent of which Allaah 137

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only knows. We have tried to advise them on many occasions but without success. I hope that you can help us and tell us to which department we may refer this matter, so that we can put an end to it. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: It is not permissible for a woman to go out of her husband’s house without permission, rather many of the scholars regarded this as nushooz (defiance) and going against the husband, if there is no excuse for doing that, such as if her husband is harming her in a manner that she cannot ward off and so on. Moreover, if the wife is withholding herself from her husband, he is no longer obliged to spend on her because of her defiance, as the fuqaha’ have stated. See al-Mughni, 8/182. Secondly: What your brother should do is to handle the situation wisely and carefully in order to bring his wife back home. He should remind her of Allaah, and remind her family of Him; if he cannot do that himself, then he should enlist the help of some relatives who have knowledge, experience and wisdom, and get them involved so that they can solve the issue. He should exercise deliberation and not be hasty in taking decisions, for “Deliberation is from Allaah and haste is from the Shaytaan,” as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said. (Classed as saheeh by alAlbaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1895). 138

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A man may make a decision at the time of anger, then regret it, but at a time when regret will be to no avail. He should also adopt an attitude of patience, put up with his wife and try to put an end to the disputes between them that have gone on for years and years. Let him start a new life with her, forgetting the past and its arguments. Thirdly: No one is perfect, so he should accept her good points and overlook her bad points, and try to change her in a wise and calm manner. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman, for if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” Al-Nawawi said: This means that he should not hate her, because if he sees in her a characteristic that he dislikes, he will find another that is pleasing; she may be bad-tempered but at the same time religiously-committed, or beautiful, or chaste, or kind to him, and so on. End quote. This is how all people are; they have good qualities and bad qualities. The wise man is the one who strikes the right balance between good and bad, accepting the good things and overlooking the bad, whilst also trying to correct them. Fourthly: If the husband does all that but the woman still does not change, then he may refer to the shar’i courts to resolve this dispute. And Allaah is the One Whom we ask to set the affairs of all the Muslims straight. 139

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And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 6913: The wife of a Daaiyah is complaining because her husband is so busy Question: brother iam involved in Dawaa now and my wife complains that i have more responsibilty to her and kid and i need to devote more time to her and kids. I fulfill my responsibilities and work and also spent time with her, but she is not happy with it, so kindly guide me that what i need to do here? slow down which i cant because she doesnot like whenever i go or stop since Allah nows the best. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. This ummah is the nation of moderation and balance, so everyone who belongs to this ummah must be like that in all areas of his life. At the same time as we are hearing of some Muslims who spend most of their time away from their families – whether for da’wah or for travelling or some other permissible purpose – we are also hearing of the opposite, where some people stay with their families all the time and never devote any time to calling others to Allaah. Just as a man’s family has rights over him that he should not neglect, other people, Muslims and non-Muslims – also have rights over him which he should not ignore.. 140

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It was reported from al-Hasan that ‘Ubayd-Allaah ibn Ziyaad visited Ma’qil ibn Yassaar during his final illness. Ma’qil said to him, I will tell you a hadeeth which I heard from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no person to whom Allaah has given people to take care of, and he fails to take care of them properly, but he will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6731; Muslim, 142) ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be questioned [about those under his care]. The leader is a shepherd and will be questioned. A man is the shepherd of his family and will be questioned. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and she will be questioned. A slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and will be questioned. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be questioned [about those under his care].” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4892; Muslim, 1829). Many women wish that their husbands would not go out and leave them, not even to pray (in the mosque)! So how about to call people to Allaah? A woman said in the past: Three co-wives would be easier for me than my husband’s library! Because her husband was fond of learning and reading. So she should not be given everything she wants; the matter should be referred to what Allaah loves and wants. In the case of some acts of worship, the Prophet (peace 141

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and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us not to go beyond what is prescribed in sharee’ah, for fear that the rights of others – above all the family – may be affected because of that. A number of ahaadeeth were narrated concerning this matter, such as: ‘Awn ibn Abi Juhayfah narrated that his father said: the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) established brotherhood (mu’aakhah) between Salmaan and Abu’l-Dardaa’. Salmaan visited Abu’l-Dardaa’ and noticed that Umm al-Dardaa’ appeared scruffy and unkempt (this was before the aayah of hijaab was revealed). He said to her, What is the matter with you? She said, Your brother Abu’l-Dardaa’ has no need of this world. Then Abu’l-Dardaa’ came (to visit him). He made some food for him, and said, Eat. [Abu’l-Dardaa’] said, I am fasting. [Salmaan] said, I will not eat until you eat. So he ate. When night came, Abu’l-Dardaa’ went to pray qiyaam, but [Salmaan] said to him, Sleep, so he slept. Then he wanted to get up for qiyaam, but [Salmaan] said, Sleep. When the last part of the night came, Salmaan said, Now get up. So they prayed, then Salmaan said to him, Your Lord has a right over you, your soul has a right over you and your wife has a right over you, so give each one his due. He [Abu’l-Dardaa’] went to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and told him about that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Salmaan is right.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1867). ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me, “O ‘AbdAllaah, have I not heard that you fast all day and pray all night?” I said, yes, O Messenger of Allaah. He said, “Do not do that. Fast and break your fast, pray qiyaam and sleep, for your body has a right over you, your eyes have 142

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a right over you, your wife has a right over you and your visitors have a right over you. It is sufficient for you to fast three days of every month. For every good deed (hasanah) you will be rewarded tenfold, so that will be like fasting for an entire lifetime.” But I went to extremes and made things hard for myself. I said, O Messenger of Allaah, I can do more than that. He said, “Then observe the fast of the Prophet of Allaah, Dawood (peace be upon him), and no more.” I said, What is the fast of the Prophet of Allaah, Dawood (peace be upon him)? He said, “Half a lifetime.” After he grew old, ‘Abd-Allaah used to say, I wish that I had taken the easier option which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) offered me. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1874; Muslim, 1159). In these ahaadeeth you can see how the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised moderation in fasting, praying qiyaam and reading Qur’aan – for those who were doing a lot and neglecting their families’ rights. He was drawing attention to the rights of others, including wives and families. Whoever organizes his time and pays due attention to everyone who has a right over him, should not worry about who is happy and who is not. Do not let da’wah activities take over your life and occupy all your time, but do not listen to your wife and give them up altogether. One of the things that may help you is to get your wife involved in da’wah activities. Ask her to listen to a tape and summarize it, or to read a book and write down what she has learnt from it, or ask her to attend a study circle or take part in women’s da’wah activities at the Islamic centre or attend women’s seminars held in parallel with the men’s seminars, etc., so that she will feel that she is sharing these activities with you, and she will not feel bored because her husband is away. 143

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Another issue to bear in mind is that you have to help her to understand that she will have a share in the reward if she is patient with you and creates the right atmosphere for you to learn and engage in da’wah. The Sahaabiyyaat (women of the Sahaabah) used to take care of their husband’s houses and children when the men went out for jihaad; they would serve their husband’s guests when they came to visit. If a woman takes care of her husband’s house when he goes out to seek knowledge or engage in da’wah or jihaad, and she serves the seekers of knowledge and daa’iyahs who come to visit him by honouring them and preparing food for them, then she will have a great reward for that. Allaah may admit three people to Paradise because of a single arrow: the one who makes it with a good intention and the one who hands it over – not just the one who shoots it. If a wife understands and remembers this, it will make it much easier for her to bear it when her husband is absent or busy. We will end with the story of a great woman, Asmaa’ bint Abi Bakr As-Siddeeq, and see what she used to do when her husband was busy with jihaad and da’wah and taking care of the affairs of the Islamic state with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): Asmaa’ bint Abi Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: I got married to al-Zubayr and he owned nothing in this world apart from a camel for carrying water and a horse. I used to feed his horse, and bring water, and prepare his saddle, and make dough, but I was not good at baking; some women of the Ansaar who were my neighbours used to bake my bread for me, and they were good women. I used to bring the dates from some land which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had given to al-Zubayr, carrying them on my head. (The land) was two-thirds of a farsakh [parasang=approx. 3 miles] away. One day I was coming 144

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with the dates on my head, and I met the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with a group of the Ansaar. He called me and made his camel kneel down so that I could ride behind him. But I felt too shy to go with the men, and I remembered al-Zubayr and how jealous he was, for he was the most jealous of men. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) realized that I felt too shy, so he went on his way. I came to al-Zubayr and told him that I had met the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) whilst I was carrying the dates on my head, and there was a group of his companions with him. He made his camel kneel down so that I could ride on it, but I felt too shy, because I remembered your jealousy. He said, By Allaah, your having to carry the dates is harder for me than your riding with him. Later on, Abu Bakr sent a servant who took care of the horse, and it was as if I had been set free from slavery. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari,4823). We ask Allaah to reform the affairs of the Muslims and make things right between husbands and wives. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. And Allaah knows best. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 27104: He talks about marriage secrets and gets married with the intention of divorcing the woman Question: I’m married to a muslim to whom I’m losing trust. We’ve been married for a few years. I knew him prior to marriage 145

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and I (we) did repent for that. But he has gone off on (2) different occasions to acquire a second wife. On both occasions the sisters that he married seemed more out of desire and assuming that things would be different with marrying a less than knowledgable individual that lack basic manners and deen. Even after knowing this at the time of marriage, he consumates then complains that he wants this second wife to have similar manners and deen as I do. My concern is that he has reveiled his past (I know that as muslims we should keep these things to ourselves) and he was married several times as a kafir, and cheated on these wives and now it seems that he’s using Islam as a justification for doing this (having mutiple wives). He’s says that he loves me, but I feel that he’s just used to me and my good manners and resourcefulness, but he doesn’t attempt to treat the second spouse the way he treats me. He is very open to tell me things about the second spouse that I don’t want to hear. Both marriages were seemed to be performed in a very sneaky and questionable manner. I don’t have a enough space to go into the details. He has stated on occassions that he has to have a second wife. Is it allowed in Islam for a man to marry and divorce as many women as he wants (I know no more than 4 at one time), but one every few months, even if he’s just marrying another woman for the purpose of having something different temporarily? With the intent of using one of her negative qualities as a reason for divorce? We do not have children. Am I allowed to request a divorce on the grounds that I cannot continue to cope with these situations and I’m losing the love and desire for my husband. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: 146

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It is obligatory for both spouses to keep the secrets of the marriage, especially anything that has to do with their intimate relationship in bed. The wife is entrusted with the husband’s secrets and the husband is entrusted with the wife’s secrets. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned to the men and said, “Is there any man among you who, when he comes to his wife, he locks the door, throws his blanket over himself and conceals himself with the cover of Allaah?” They said, “Yes.” He said, “And does he sit after that and say, ‘I did such and such, and I did such and such?’” They remained silent. Then he turned to the women and said, “Is there anyone among you who speaks (of private marital matters)?” They remained silent. Then a buxom young girl sat up tall so that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would see her and hear her words, and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, (the men) speak and (the women) speak.” He said, “Do you know what the likeness of that is? The likeness of that is that of a female devil who meets a male devil in the street and he fulfils his desire with her when the people are looking on.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2174. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7037. Secondly: With regard to your husband’s other marriages, if that is for the purpose of “having a change” as you say, then this is marriage with the intention of divorcing, which is deceiving the woman and her guardians (walis). Shaykh Muhammad Rasheed Rida (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The fact that the scholars of the earlier and later 147

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generations emphatically forbade mut’ah (temporary marriage) implies that marriage with the intention of divorce is haraam, even though the fuqaha’ said that a marriage contract is valid if the husband intends it to be temporary but did not state that as a condition in the marriage contract; but his concealing that is regarded as a betrayal and deceit, and this contract deserves to be annulled more than one in which he stipulated the condition that it be temporary with the agreement of the husband, the wife and the wife’s guardian. This leads to many evil consequences as it is abusing this great bond which is the greatest of human relationships, and going along with one’s whims and desires. When this condition is not stated clearly, that is cheating and betrayal which leads to other bad consequences such as enmity, hatred and loss of trust even of sincere people who want to get married in the real sense, which means protecting the chastity of both partners and cooperating in establishing a righteous home… Quoted from Fiqh al-Sunnah by al-Sayyid al-Saabiq, 2/ 39 Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) spoke similar words on the prohibition of such marriages. He said: Moreover this view – the view that (such marriages) are permitted – may be exploited by those who are weak in faith for evil purposes, as we hear that some people have started to go on vacation, during time off from studies, to other countries to get married with the intention of divorcing soon. I have been told that some of them marry several wives on these trips, as if they go there only to satisfy their desires which are more like zina (adultery, fornication) – we seek refuge with Allaah. Because of this we think that even if there is a view that it 148

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is permitted, it is not appropriate to open this door because it has becomes a means that leads to that which we have mentioned. With regard to my opinion on this matter, I say that this marriage contract is a valid contract, but it involves deceit and betrayal, so it may become haraam because of that. It is deceit and betrayal because the wife and her guardian, if they knew the intention of this husband, and that his intention is to enjoy intimacy with her and then divorce her, they would not adept this marriage. So in that sense he is deceiving and betraying them. If he tells them that he wants her to stay with him for the duration of his visit to that country, and they agree to that, then this marriage is mut’ah (temporary marriage). Hence I think that it is haraam, but if anyone goes ahead and does it, then the marriage contract is valid, but it involves sin. Liqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh, Question 1391. But if he married you with the intention of making the marriage permanent, and he has no intention of divorce, but then something happens which is a reason for divorce, then there is no sin on him in that case. Thirdly: With regard to his getting married in secret, if that is in the presence of the woman’s guardian and two witnesses, and the marriage contract is done in that fashion, then it is a valid marriage. But if it is done without the woman’s guardian or without the presence of two witnesses, then the marriage is not valid. See questions no. 7989 and 2127. 149

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Fourthly: We advise your husband to fear Allaah with regard to his family, and to fear Him with regard to people’s honour. He should note that it is not permissible for him to fool about in this manner, for marriage is love, tranquility and compassion, so he should not make it merely a means of satisfying his desire and then abandon the woman. We also advise you to be gentle in denouncing your husband, and to preserve the stability of the home, and be sure of what you mention about his intention in taking several wives and what you do not like about him. Remember that a woman’s jealousy towards co-wives may lead her to make mountains out of molehills, and the waswaas (whispers) of the Shaytaan may make it worse, with the aim of disrupting the stability of Muslim families. So look at the matter with a little wisdom, especially the matter of his intention, which you cannot really know. Ask Allaah to show you the truth of the matter, and pray istikhaarah with regard to either staying with him or asking for separation. Think about your situation if you get divorced and what the consequences of that would be, then decide whether it is better for you to leave him or to stay and put up with it. If you cannot bear it because of the things you have mentioned, then you have the right to ask for separation. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 22026: Her husband only has intercourse with her every four months Question: If a husband has sex with his wife every four (on a constant 150

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basis)months but it does not fulfill the womans sexual needs then is there any Islamic recourse that a woman can take concerning this matter. Is it fair that a man can have sex with his wife everyday but the wife can only have sex every four months with her husband? (after all it is not like she can marry another man to satisfy her needs. but her husband has ample room to satisfy his needs). Answer: Praise be to Allaah. This action is undoubtedly wrong, and it is contrary to good treatment of one’s wife. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisa’ 4:19] “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228] And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3895; classed as saheeh by alAlbaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. It follows from this that the husband has to have intercourse with his wife in the manner that is sufficient to meet her needs. It is not a part of living with her honourably to forsake her for this length of time, namely 151

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four months. If that causes harm to the woman, then she has the right to demand an annulment of the marriage, With regard to the comment made by some of the scholars, that the husband only has to have intercourse with his wife once every four months, this is a weak view, for which there is no clear saheeh (sound) evidence. The correct view is that he has to have intercourse with his wife as often as will satisfy her needs, because of the shar’i principles mentioned above. Dr. Khaalid ibn ‘Ali al-Mushayqih. (www.islam-qa.com) 38013: Her husband cannot have intercourse with her because of the pain she feels. What is the solution? Question: I apologize for this question,but I feel really bad. I am a muslim sister and married for 2 months now. The problem is this: I love my husband very much but every time when we have intercourse he can’t put his penis in my vagina. It hurts so much for me. I know this is called frigidity. I had a bad youth, an uncle touched me when I was young and I know I cant have intercourse with my husband because my uncle did this to me. My husband is very patience with me and very sweet,but he don’t know what to do either. Can you please help me?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The husband has to be gentle with his wife if intercourse is painful for her or causes her psychological difficulty. He has to be patient with her until she recovers from her

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problem or gets used to him and feels at ease with him, and she herself wants it as much as he does. Ibn Hazm said: Slaves and free women are obliged not to prevent their masters or husbands having intercourse with them when they call them, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and will not be harmed by having intercourse, or is observing an obligatory fast. Al-Muhalla, 10/40. This matter is undoubtedly difficult, especially for one who is recently married, but it is better than causing problems that will wreck married life. The sister mentions that she loves her husband; he should take note of that and use it to fulfil his desires in a permissible manner. We advise the husband to read the answer to question no. 5560, which explains the matter further. The wife should also try to treat herself, physically and mentally. She should not give in to the psychological pain or be a prisoner of the past. Her husband is not her evil uncle who abused her when she was small. Now she is a grown up and she is with her husband, and they are permissible for one another. With regard to the physical pain, this is something natural when one is first married. This pain will soon go away, in sha Allah. All it needs is a little patience. You should both make a lot of du’aa’ and strive to follow the commands of Allaah by regularly performing the obligatory duties, observing the commands of Allaah on time and adhering to what He enjoins with regard to dress etc. All of that may be a means of Allaah hastening to

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relieve you and remove whatever psychological and other barriers may be present. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 38724: Her husband wants her to sit in front of the TV with him Question: My husband gets annoyed at my reading Qur’aan a lot, as he says, because I am leaving him alone. Will I be sinning if I stop reading Qur’aan for him because he wants me to watch TV with him? If I do not read Qur’aan and I sit with him, will I be sinning whether that is during the day or at night in Ramadaan? Please note that I try to read Qur’aan when he is sleeping or doing something that keeps him busy, and I do not read much, but I am learning tajweed [correct recitation]. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is no blame on you if you read Qur’aan and do a lot of acts of worship, so long as that does not impinge upon your husband’s rights, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband is present, except with his permission.” Narrated by alBukhaari, 5195; Muslim, 1026.

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That is because the husband’s right to physical intimacy is obligatory, so it is not permissible to impinge on that by doing something that is naafil (supererogatory). The righteous wife should be happy that her husband is interested in her and wants her to sit with him. She should realize that by pleasing him and making him happy she will earn a great reward. So do you best and try to create a balance, and choose times for your worship when your husband is busy or is outside. With regard to watching TV, it is evil and should be avoided, because it provokes desires and stirs up doubts, and propagates many evils, such as mixing of men and women, uncovering ‘awrahs, and using music and musical instruments. What good there may be in it is outweighed by these great evils. Many of those who tried it and have it in their homes will you tell you that it is difficult to control it and keep away from its evils. Because even the religious programs – which are the best of what is available – are not free from the sound of musical instruments, or else they are presented by women who are clothed yet naked, astray themselves and leading others astray, so how about other programs? And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek. What your husband has to do is to fear Allaah and make sure his wife and children avoid seeing and hearing these evil things, for he is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded” [al-Tahreem 66:6]

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And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock…” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 893; Muslim, 1829. If he calls you to watch or listen to any of the haraam things that we have mentioned, it is not permissible for you to obey him, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience in disobedience to Allaah; obedience is only with regard to that which is good and proper.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7257; Muslim, 1840. Be kind and gentle when you advise him, and ask Allaah to set his heart straight and make him come to his senses. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 11872: Obedience is only with regard to that which is right and proper Question: If a man threatens to divorce his wife unless she does some prohibited deed, what should she do?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We should note that there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 156

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“Obedience is only with regard to that which is right and proper.” Haraam actions do not come under the heading of that which is right and proper, rather this is an evil deed, so if the husband threatens his wife and says that he will divorce her if she does not do it, she should try to explain to him and warn him that this is haraam and is not permitted, and she should explain the evidence for that. The questioner does not explain what the haraam deed is and to what degree it is forbidden. She should tell us what it is so that we can answer more clearly. But the basic principle is that she should not do it and that there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. This woman should refuse to do the haraam action, because obedience to Allaah takes precedence over obedience to her husband. She should strive and seek reward, and turn to Allaah and pray to Him and beseech Him to guide her husband away from such deeds. For du’aa’ is a mighty weapon, and Allaah will not turn away one who asks of Him. Moreover, she can buy him some books or tapes, and seek the help – after Allaah – of one of her relatives or one of the seekers of knowledge in her city, or the imam of a mosque, etc, to advise her husband and remind him of Allaah, and encourage him by telling him that whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better. Shaykh Dr. Khaalid al-Mushayqih (www.islam-qa.com) 12403: Advice to one who wants to get married but is not able for it Question: In the mosque we had a program where the Muslim youth 157

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could discuss with those who are older the ahaadeeth of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning marriage, and the fact that they should make it easy for the youth to get married. This subject led to a number of discussions, because the parents are concerned about the situation and welfare of the couple, especially if they have children. Young people nowadays do not complete their university studies until the age of 21, or 23 for those who study medicine. They cannot afford the expenses of marriage. So what practical advice can you give them? Many of the Muslim youth in the west want to complete half of their religion. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: Discussing Islamic matters and spending time on that is one of the most beneficial things that a person can do for himself, because seeking knowledge is an obligation and an act of worship, and he is spending time in doing something that is of benefit to him and to others. If the people who are discussing do not understand something, then they have to ask people who have knowledge. Secondly: Our advice to those who live in the lands of immorality and kufr is to migrate from them to the Muslim lands where the temptations of this world and of women are less. The Muslim countries are not equal in that regard, so he has to choose the best of them. We advise them to leave every environment in which he 158

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may stumble and fall, whether that is his accommodation, his work or his school/college. We advise them to hasten to marry, and to choose righteous wives who do not make extravagant demands with regard to the mahr, etc. We advise those who are unable to get married to fear Allaah and not to look at or listen to haraam things, not to walk towards haraam things, not to touch that which it is not permissible for him to touch. They should help themselves in this regard by fasting and praying, making du’aa’, and keeping company with righteous people. They should keep themselves busy with beneficial things such as seeking knowledge, memorizing Qur’aan and making du’aa’ to Allaah, for if a person keeps busy in obeying Allaah, that will distract him from disobeying Him. Thirdly: Our advise to community leaders and parents and guardians of boys and girls is not to regard completion of studies as an impediment to marriage. Since when is marriage an obstacle to acquiring knowledge?! Rather reality and experience point to the opposite, because marriage helps a person to focus and makes his mind clear, and above all that it is obedience to the command of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to the youth to get married. So parents and guardians should not burden the youth with excessive demands that may be regarded as a form of extravagance. They should limit the demands to that which the woman and the house need only. They should understand that marriage is one of the means by which provision is sought. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 159

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“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maidservants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is AllSufficient for His creatures’ needs, AllKnowing (about the state of the people)” [al-Noor 24:32] And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 26898: Husband’s parents preventing the wife from visiting her own family Question: Do the inlaws have the right to not send their daughterin-law to her parents so that she can spend her time with her parents & all & can relax for some time in her parent’s home. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. What the wife is obliged to do is to obey her husband; he is the one whom she is obliged to obey. If the husband agrees that she may visit her family, it does not matter if his parents do not approve. But a woman should strive to please her husband’s parents and treat them in a manner that is better, and not confront them. This will have a great effect on giving stability to her life with her husband. 160

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You should understand that your husband’s parents may make things difficult for you because they think that you have taken away the one who is most dear to them. So you should handle this matter wisely and not be the cause of arguments or division between your husband and his parents. Rather you should try to help your husband obey and honour his parents, and you will find the effects of that, in sha Allah, in your own children [i.e., they will honour you in turn]. You have to treat them kindly, because kindness is never to be found in a thing but it beautifies it, and it is never lacking in a thing but it makes it ugly. If you see that they are treating you badly, then remember the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend” [Fussilat 41:34] For more information see al-Mughni, 7/225 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 23390: Her husband is not satisfying her sexual desire Question: I know that I am supposed to go to him when he calls me to his room, even if I’m not in the apropriate mood. I also know that lying is a despicable thing, but pleasing my 161

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husband is utmost on my mind. So is it wrong of me to fake having a sexual climax with my husband? This is a terrible problem for me, because I don’t want to lie, but it embarasses my husband if he cannot fulfill my pleasure. This pretending is hard to stop, and also extremely embarassing for me to admit to my husband. Please help me, and also remember me in your du’ahs. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We ask Allaah to reward you with good for your patience and for fulfilling your husband’s desires in obedience to the command of your Lord. The solution to the problem you mention is by speaking frankly. That does not mean embarrassing your husband or accusing him of being inconsiderate. This problem often stems from the fact that the husband is not aware that there is a problem at all, not from the fact that he is inconsiderate. The husband may go ahead and have intercourse and not pay attention to some things that he should be doing, one of which is fulfilling his wife’s needs. Perhaps you could benefit by reading some books on the topic which explain the basis of the relationship and intimacy between a man and a woman such as Tuhfat al‘Aroos by Mahmood Mahdi Istanbuli. The point is that there is nothing wrong with speaking to your husband about this matter, and suggesting that he read about it. Speaking frankly is preferable to suffering in this manner, and the problem can be solved easily. This does not excuse the woman from sharing some of the responsibility. She also has things that she must do, such as adorning herself for her husband, being loving 162

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towards him and encouraging him to be intimate with her. We ask Allaah to set the Muslims’ affairs straight. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 10143: Ruling on tying the tubes unnecessarily Question: I am a 36 year old woman with 6 kids and i am now with my 7th child and would like to know if it is permissible in Islam to tie my tubes when this baby is born? i don’t want to cut and burn them i want to place a band around the tubes to avoid the egg from dropping all the way down. i know i cannot stop the will of Allah i just want to try to loose weight i weigh more that 250 lbs. everytime i try to loose weight i end up pregnant. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible to prevent pregnancy except in cases of necessity where competent doctors have stated that giving birth will cause the mother to become exhausted or ill, or will make her sickness worse, or there is the fear that pregnancy or childbirth will most likely cause the mother to die. In that case it is essential to have the husband’s agreement and consent to prevent or end pregnancy. When this reason is no longer a factor, then the woman should go back to not using contraception. Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/977 163

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Because losing weight does not reach the degree of necessity mentioned above, it does not come under the same ruling, especially since this operation to tie the tubes requires the female doctor to uncover and touch the ‘awrah. It is even worse if the doctor is male, so this is another reason not to allow it. But you have to follow the guidance of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with regard to food. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The son of Adam does not fill any vessel worse than his stomach. It is sufficient for the son of Adam to eat a few morsels to keep him alive. But if he must (fill it), then one-third for his food, one-third for his drink and one-third for air.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, al-Zuhd, 2303; classed as saheeh in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, no. 1939) You should also follow the permissible means (of preventing pregnancy), such as withdrawal during intercourse (‘azl). The correct scholarly view is that there is nothing wrong with ‘azl even if there is no reason for it, because of the hadeeth of Jaabir: “We used to practise ‘azl at the time when the Qur’aan was being revealed.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4808). And Allaah knows best. Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/658 Perhaps what Allaah has decreed for you of children will be better for you than you think, and they will be a blessing that is stored up for you, especially in old age. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 164

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12509: She has gone off him and doesn’t want to have any intimacy with him in bed Question: I love my wife, but she has said that she doesn’t love me. She does not want to have intercource with me. Earlier in our marraige we performed oral sex. Her position now that it is najas (impure), therefore she is turned of completely sexually. We have agreed that to fulfill my needs, I should marry another wife. But my job cut my salary considerably. I am afraid of angering Allah by divorcing her. Could I marry a woman who would waive some of my financial responsibilities until I am able to equally provide for both? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You should know that it is not permissible for you to force your wife to do anything repulsive or that may cause impurity (najaasah) to enter the stomach, and you should have intercourse with her in a natural manner. Your wife should know that it is not permissible for her to forsake her husband’s bed when he calls her to do something that is permitted in Islam and to fulfil one of his rights, which is to enjoy her in the manner that Allaah has permitted. It is not permissible for a wife to refuse to share her husband’s bed without a legitimate shar’i excuse, such as when she is menstruating or bleeding following childbirth. A stern warning is issued to the wife who refuses to share her husband’s bed, and there are many ahaadeeth concerning that. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be 165

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upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he spends the night angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning comes.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, Bid’ al-Khalq, 2998) It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If a woman spends the night having forsaken her husband’s bed, the angels will curse her until she goes back.’” (narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4795) And it was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘By the One in Whose hand is my soul, there is no one who would be pleased with her.’” (Narrated by Muslim, al-Nikaah, 2595). It was narrated that Talq ibn ‘Ali said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to him, then let her respond, even if she is at the oven (baking bread).’” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1080, classed as saheeh by alAlbaani, no. 927, in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi). If a woman consistently refuses to spend the night with her husband in his bed, then she forfeits her rights to maintenance and also her share of her husband’s time [in the case of a plural marriage], because maintenance is a right given in return for intimacy. Such a woman is considered to be naashiz (defiant, rebellious, disobedient). Al-Bahooti said: Nushooz (defiance, rebellion) means when a wife does not let her husband be intimate with her or she responds to him unwillingly as if she finds it too much when he calls her, and she only responds reluctantly. (Sharh Muntaha al-Iraadaat by al-Bahooti, vol. 3, p. 55)

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If a woman is defiant, then she no longer has the right to maintenance, because maintenance is in return for allowing her husband to have intercourse with her. Nushooz means a wife disobeying her husband with regard to her obligations towards him. Allaah has stated what the husband is permitted to do in the case of his wife’s being disobedient. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “As to those women on whose part you see illconduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great”[al-Nisa’ 4:34] The fuqaha’ said: If she persists in her disobedience after he has admonished her and refused to share her bed, i.e., not slept with her as long as she persists in that, and not spoken to her for three days, because Allaah says, ‘refuse to share their beds’ – if she persists even though he has refused to share her bed and not spoken to her for three days, then he may hit her, but not hard. In this case, it is permissible for him to divorce her. AlMardaawi said: divorce is permissible when necessary because of the woman’s bad attitude and bad behaviour, or because of harm caused to him by her actions. So divorce is permissible in this case, and there is no scholarly dispute on this point. (al-Insaaf, vol. 8, p. 430) But if she has gone off you in a way that cannot be remedied, and she dislikes you so much, then in this case divorce is recommended, because staying married in this case is harmful to the wife. The Prophet (peace and 167

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blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There should be no harming or reciprocating harm.” See al-Mulakhkhas al-Fiqhi, vol. 2, p. 305. You will not be considered a sinner if you divorce her in this case. With regard to the solution of your financial problems, it is permissible for you to marry a woman who agrees to support herself, or who agrees to let you off some of your financial responsibilities towards her, just as it is permissible for you to agree with your first wife to stay married whilst forgoing some of her rights. It is permissible for a wife to forego some of her rights to a share of her husband’s time and maintenance so that he will keep her and so that she may stay married to him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is better” [al-Nisa’ 4:128] ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “This refers to a woman who is married to a man and he wants to divorce her, so she says, ‘Keep me and do not divorce me, and you are freed any obligation to spend on me or give me a share of your time…’” al-Mulakhkhas al-Fiqhi, vol. 2, p. 296 Because maintenance is one of the wife’s rights, so when they reach an agreement that she will forgo her rights or some of her rights, then that is up to her. On this basis then if the woman whom you want to marry agrees to forgo maintenance, that is permissible. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 168

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13802: The husband’s responsibility to educate his wife Question: If a muslim man has taken a muslim wife, and not fulfilled his obligations set forth by allah and the quran. As a result the muslim women leaves the deen, and now doesn’t cover and maybe not even practicing islam anymore. My question is, what are the consciquences of their actions? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded”[al-Tahreem 66:6] It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ameer (ruler) who governs the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of the members of his household and is responsible for them. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for them. A slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” 169

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(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7138; Muslim, 1829) From these two texts it is quite clear that a man is responsible for his family with regard to teaching them and making sure that they follow Islam, and he should use forceful measures when necessary and when that is the only way to serve this purpose. Allaah will call every shepherd to account for whatever was under his care, so whoever neglects his wife and children in this regard is undoubtedly taking a great risk. Indeed, there is a stern warning issued to such people which makes the flesh crawl. In Saheeh al-Bukhaari (7151) and Saheeh Muslim (142), in Kitaab al-Imaarah, it is narrated that Ma’fil ibn Yasaar al-Muzni (may Allaah be pleased with him) said, “I heard the Messenger of Allaah () peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There is no slave to whom Allaah has entrusted the care of people, and he dies neglecting his flock, but Allaah will forbid Paradise to him.” So a man’s responsibility towards his wife is great indeed and he must fear Allaah and do the best he can to fulfil it, whilst always making du’aa’ for himself and his family, that they may be guided and granted strength. As far as the wife is concerned, she is also accountable and is responsible for her own actions, because the obligations of sharee’ah apply to both men and women, except in cases where Islam differentiates between them in some rulings, such as when it says that it is better for a woman to pray in her own home than in the mosque, in order to protect her from mixing with men. Hence it is narrated in Sunan al-Tirmidhi (113) and elsewhere that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women are the twin halves of men”. This was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan alTirmidhi, 1/35. 170

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In the hadeeth quoted above it states that the woman is also a shepherd and is responsible for her flock. And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Every person is a pledge for that which he has earned” [al-Toor 52:21] “And everyone of them will come to Him alone on the Day of Resurrection (without any helper, or protector or defender)” [Maryam 19:95] So responsibility is an individual matter, and each person will be brought to account on his own. So when a young man grows up, if he goes astray because of his parents’ bad upbringing and the message of Islam reached him, then he will have no excuse, because Allaah gave him the power of reason and therefore he is accountable, even though his father will be accountable for falling short in supervising his child’s Islamic upbringing, and he (the father) is even more accountable with regard to his wife. So the wife must fear her Lord and give thanks to Allaah for His blessings for having given her the blessing of Islam, unlike the kuffaar. She should do her duty towards Allaah by doing that which is obligatory and refraining from forbidden things. She should know that death may come suddenly and that after death there will be the reckoning and questioning, and after that there will be either Paradise and eternal delight that will never end, or Hell with fire that could melt firmly rooted mountains and huge rocks, so what about our weak bodies? We ask Allaah to save us from it. With regard to you, my dear brother, you have to repent sincerely. No matter how great one’s sin, if a person repents and meets all the conditions of repentance, Allaah 171

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will accept his repentance. Then start to teach and guide your wife, using a gradual approach and kindness, accompanied by wisdom, asking Allaah to help you and give you strength. See also Question No. 10680 for more information on this topic. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 13924: Does she have to obey her husband’s mother? Question: his parents are constantly interfering with our lives. His mother specifically and his sister. He is a grown man and he has no independence , not even a slight bit. Please tell me what rights does his mother or sister have over me? She told me she has more right over me now and my parents have none. And I need to take her permission to something or go somewhere. I know I need to take my husbands permission and I do that. But I dont think she has a right to tell me how I should run my household. Please clarify this issue for me? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. With regard to the rights of your husband’s mother and sisters, they have the right to be treated kindly, you should keep in touch with them and treat them kindly as much as possible. 172

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But with regard to your mother-in-law’s claims that you have to seek her approval in all matters, this is not correct, and none of the scholars has said that this is one of the rights that a husband has over his wife. Rather your duties are those which have been mentioned (by the scholars), namely obeying your husband and seeking his approval, so long as he does not tell you to commit a sin. That does not mean that you should not benefit from your motherin-law’s experience or her advice if it is useful. And if you are patient in putting up with some of her difficult behaviour in order to honour your husband, that is a good deed for which you will be rewarded in sha Allaah. But as for her saying that your family have no rights over you, this is not correct, rather they still have the rights of upholding ties with them, honouring them, treating them kindly and visiting them from time to time, especially your parents. Their rights come after your husband’s rights over you. We ask Allaah to open your hearts to one another and to grant you wisdom. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 9144: Ruling on having one’s tubes tied Question: I am expecting my fourth child. I have high-risk pregnancies, according to doctors, due to physical problems. Also, each time I have to deliver by caesariansection, so this will be my fourth caesarian, Inshallah. I have been advised by doctors and family members to get 173

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my tubes tied during the coming caesarian operation, so as to avoid getting pregnant again. My husband has no objection, as long as is allowed in Islam to take this step due to health risk.I feel the same way. Please, guide me because soon I have to make a decision. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked a similar question, and he answered: There is nothing wrong with the operation mentioned, if the doctors have stated that getting pregnant would cause her harm, so long as her husband has given permission for that. And Allaah knows best. Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/978. (www.islamqa.com) 12496: A husband has not been fulfilling his responsibility towards his wife for five years Question: If the husband does not take the responsiblity of a wife throughout his marraige of 5 years . what is the wife suppose to do in such case, Is she entitled to maintaince, or if she decides to have a seperation what is the procedure for the divorce according to Quran and sunnah? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 174

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Undoubtedly it is the husband’s obligation to spend on his wife and to do his duty towards her and give her all her rights. If he fails her and falls short in his duties towards her, or he causes her harm, then she has the right to demand separation, i.e., divorce. But before that she has to ask him to spend on her and provide her with accommodation, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means” [al-Talaaq 65:6] “Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him. Allaah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him”[alTalaaq 65:7] And he has to live with her honourably. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably”[al-Nisaa’ 4:19] If her husband gives her her rights as prescribed in sharee’ah, then it is haraam for her to ask for divorce, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks for divorce when there is no reason, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.” But if she is being harmed, and the situation is too much for her to bear, and he is not spending enough on her or he is not giving her her rights, then she has the right to ask for a divorce. She should go to the qaadi and explain the situation to him, and he in turn should ask the husband to give her her rights or to divorce her. Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen. (www.islam-qa.com) 175

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12539: Is it obligatory for a wife to cook food for her husband? Question: Is it compulsory (Fard)for a wife to cook food for her husband? If she doesn’t will it be a sin? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Ibn Jibreen said: the custom of the Muslims has always been that the wife should serve her husband in the customary manner, by preparing food, washing his clothes and vessels, cleaning the house, etc., according to what is appropriate. This was the custom at the time of the Prophet and has remained so until the present day, and no one has objected to it. But the wife should not be burdened in a manner that causes her hardship or difficulty, rather it should be in accordance with her ability and what is customary. And Allaah is the Source of strength. See Question no. 10680. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 22216: Shar’i procedures when a wife rebels Question: What should a husband do if his wife rebels against him? 176

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Ibn Qudaamah said: If a man fears rebellious behaviour on the part of his wife, because she shows signs of rebellion by not responding to his requests for intimacy, or she responds but does so reluctantly, then he should warn her and advise her to fear Allaah; he should remind her of what Allaah has enjoined upon her of duties and obedience, the sin involved in what she is doing and the rights of spending and clothing that she will lose, and the fact that he is permitted to hit her and forsake her in bed, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “As to those women on whose part you see illconduct, admonish them (first)”[al-Nisaa’ 4:34] If she persists and shows signs of rebellion and refuses to share his bed, then he may forsake her in bed as much as he wishes, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “(next) refuse to share their beds”[al-Nisaa’ 4:34] If she still persists, then he may hit her in a manner that does not cause harm, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “(and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34] The phrase (interpretation of the meaning): “If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife)” [al-Nisaa’ 4:35]

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means, if it is known to have reached this stage, then the judge should send an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from hers, both of whom should be trustworthy, to decide either to reconcile and keep them together or to separate and divorce, and whatever they do will be binding upon them. That means that if the spouses reach the point of separation or enmity, the judge should appoint two free, Muslim arbitrators of good character, preferably from their families, with their approval and appointed by them, so that they can investigate the case and do what they think is best to reconcile them or to let them divorce by talaaq or khula’. Then whatever they do will be binding upon them. The basis for this is the aayah (interpretation of the meaning] “If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allaah will cause their reconciliation” [al-Nisaa’ 4:35] al-‘Iddah fi Sharh al-‘Umdah by Ibn Quddaamah alMaqdisi, p. 481 (www.islam-qa.com) 22027: Prevention of pregnancy using the coil Question: Is it permissible to use the coil (IUD or intrauterine device) to prevent pregnancy? Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

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Using the coil is permissible subject to two conditions: The first condition is that it should not cause harm to the woman. The second condition is that her husband should give his permission for that. We would like to remind women that a woman should not do things to prevent pregnancy, because this goes against the aims of sharee’ah. It is better for her to remain as Allaah created her, bearing lots of children, because having lots of children serves a great purpose and does not harm a person in his provision, in raising them or in health. But if a woman is physically weak and is very sick, such that having a child every year would harm her, in this case she is excused if she takes something to prevent pregnancy. But she has to have her husband’s permission to use that which will prevent pregnancy, and using it should not cause any harm. Hence it is prescribed in Islam for a man to marry a woman who is loving and fertile, i.e., she should be one of the women who are known to have many children, so that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) may feel proud of the great numbers of his ummah, and the numbers of Muslims may be increased thereby. Summarized from a fatwa of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen. See Fataawa Manaar al-Islam, vol. 3, p. 784 Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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0680: What are the rights of the husband and what are the rights of the wife? Question: what are a wife’s rights on her husband according the Quran and Sunnah? or what are a husbands duties to his wife and viceversa? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Islam has enjoined upon the husband duties towards his wife, and vice versa, and among these duties are some which are shared by both husband and wife. We will mention – by the help of Allaah – some of the texts of the Qur’aan and Sunnah which have to do with the duties of the spouses towards one another, quoting also from the commentaries and views of the scholars. Firstly: The rights of the wife which are hers alone: The wife has financial rights over her husband, which are the mahr (dowry), spending and accommodation. And she has non-financial rights, such as fair division between co-wives, being treated in a decent and reasonable manner, and not being treated in a harmful way by her husband. 1. Financial rights (a) The mahr (dowry). This is the money to which the wife is entitled from her husband when the marriage 180

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contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated. It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4] The prescription of the mahr demonstrates the seriousness and importance of the marriage-contract, and is a token of respect and honour to the woman. The mahr is not a condition or essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of fuqahaa’; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract. If the marriage-contract is done without any mention of the mahr, it is still valid, according to the consensus of the majority, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “There is no sin on you, if you divorce women while yet you have not touched (had sexual relation with) them, nor appointed unto them their Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage)” [alBaqarah 2:236] The fact that divorce is permitted before consummation of the marriage or before stipulating the mahr indicates that it is permissible not to stipulate the mahr in the marriage-contract. If the mahr is stipulated, it becomes obligatory upon the husband; if it is not stipulated, then he must give the mahr that is given to women of similar status to his wife. (b) Spending. The scholars of Islam are agreed that it is obligatory for husbands to spend on their wives, on the 181

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condition that the wife make herself available to her husband. If she refuses him or rebels, then she is not entitled to that spending. The reason why it is obligatory to spend on her is that the woman is available only to her husband, because of the marriage contract, and she is not allowed to leave the marital home except with his permission. So he has to spend on her and provide for her, and this is in return for her making herself available to him for his pleasure. What is meant by spending is providing what the wife needs of food and accommodation. She has the right to these things even if she is rich, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother’s food and clothing on a reasonable basis” [alBaqarah 2:233] “Let the rich man spend according to his means; and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allaah has given him” [al-Talaaq 65:7] From the Sunnah: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah – the wife of Abu Sufyaan – who had complained that he did not spend on her: “Take what is sufficient for you and your children, on a reasonable basis.” It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: “Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyaan, entered upon the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, Abu Sufyaan is a stingy man who does not spend enough on me and my children, except for what I take from his wealth without his knowledge. Is there any sin on me for doing that?’ The 182

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Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Take from his wealth on a reasonable basis, only what is sufficient for you and your children.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5049; Muslim, 1714) It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon: “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218) (c) Accommodation. This is also one of the wife’s rights, which means that her husband should prepare for her accommodation according to his means and ability. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means” [al-Talaaq 65:6] 2. Non-financial rights (i) Fair treatment of co-wives. One of the rights that a wife has over her husband is that she and her co-wives should be treated equally, if the husband has other wives, with regard to nights spent with them, spending and clothing. (ii) Kind treatment. The husband must have a good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 183

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“and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19] “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228] From the Sunnah: It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Be kind to women.’”(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3153; Muslim, 1468). There follow examples of the kind treatment of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) towards his wives – for he is the best example: 1. It was narrated from Zaynab bint Abi Salamah that Umm Salamah said: “I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me, ‘Have you got your menses?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Then he called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.” She said: And she told me that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to kiss her when he was fasting, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and I used to do ghusl to cleanse ourselves from janaabah from one vessel.(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 316; Muslim, 296) 2. It was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: “ ‘Aa’ishah said: ‘By Allaah, I saw the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians were 184

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playing with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had had enough. So you should appreciate the fact that young girls like to have fun.’” (Narrated by alBukhaari, 443; Muslim, 892) 3. It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah the Mother of the Believers (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to pray sitting down; he would recite Qur’aan when he was sitting down, then when there were thirty or forty aayahs left, he would stand up and recite them standing up. Then he did rukoo’, then sujood; then he would do likewise in the second rak’ah. When he had finished his prayer, he would look, and if I was awake he would talk with me, and if I was asleep he would lie down. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1068) (c) Not harming one’s wife. This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is haraam in the case of strangers, it is even more so in the case of harming one’s wife. It was narrated from ‘Ubaadah ibn al-Saamit that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ruled, “There should be no harming nor reciprocating harm.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah,, 2340) This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Imaam Ahmad, al-Haakim, Ibn al-Salaah and others. See Khalaasat alBadr al-Muneer, 2/438. Among the things to which the Lawgiver drew attention in this matter is the prohibition of hitting or beating in a severe manner. 185

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It was narrated from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said in his Farewell Sermon: “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218) Secondly: The husband’s rights over his wife. The rights of the husband over his wife are among the greatest rights; indeed his rights over her are greater than her rights over him, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them [al-Baqarah 2:228] al-Jassaas said: Allaah tells us in this aayah that each of the spouses has rights over the other, and that the husband has one particular right over his wife which she does not have over him. Ibn al-‘Arabi said: this text states that he has some preference over her with regard to rights and duties of marriage. These rights include: 186

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(a) The obligation of obedience. Allaah has made the man a qawwaam (protector and maintainer) of the woman by commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue of the physical and mental faculties that Allaah has given only to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34] ‘Ali ibn Abi Talhah said, narrating from Ibn ‘Abbaas: “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women” means, they are in charge of them, i.e., she should obey him in matters of obedience that Allaah has enjoined upon her, and obey him by treating his family well and taking care of his wealth. This was the view of Muqaatil, alSaddi and al-Dahhaak.(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/492) (b) Making herself available to her husband. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that he should be able to enjoy her (physically). If he marries a woman and she is able to have intercourse, she is obliged to submit herself to him according to the contract, if he asks her. That is after he gives her the immediate mahr, and gives her some time – two or three days, if she asks for that – to sort herself out, because that is something that she needs, and because that is not too long and is customary. If a wife refuses to respond to her husband’s request for intercourse, she has done something haraam and has committed a major sin, unless she has a valid shar’i excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and 187

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blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he went to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3065; Muslim, 1436) (c) Not admitting anyone whom the husband dislikes. One of the rights that the husband has over his wife is that she should not permit anyone whom he dislikes to enter his house. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present without his permission, or to admit anyone into his house without his permission. And whatever she spends (in charity) of his wealth without his consent, ….” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4899; Muslim, 1026) It was narrated from Sulaymaan ibn ‘Amr ibn al-Ahwas: my father told me that he was present at the Farewell Pilgrimage (Hujjat al-Wadaa’) with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)] praised and glorified Allaah, then he preached a sermon and said: “Treat women kindly, for they are prisoners and you have no other power over them than that, if they are guilty of open lewdness, then refuse to share their beds, and hit them, but not severely. But if they return to obedience, (then) do not seek means (of annoyance) against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they should not let anyone whom you dislike sit on your bed and they should not let anyone whom you dislike enter your house. Their rights over you are that you should feed and clothe them well.”

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(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1163 – he said this is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. Also narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1851) It was narrated that Jaabir said: [the Prophet] (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner” (Narrated by Muslim, 1218) (d) Not going out of the house except with the husband’s permission. One of the rights of the husband over his wife is that she should not go out of the house except with his permission. The Shaafa’is and Hanbalis said: she does not have the right to visit (even) her sick father except with the permission of her husband, and he has the right to prevent her from doing that… because obedience to the husband is obligatory, and it is not permitted to neglect an obligatory action for something that is not obligatory. (e) Discipline. The husband has the right to discipline his wife if she disobeys him in something good, not if she disobeys him in something sinful, because Allaah has enjoined disciplining women by forsaking them in bed and by hitting them, when they do not obey. The Hanafis mentioned four situations in which a husband is permitted to discipline his wife by hitting her. These are: not adorning herself when he wants her to; not responding when he calls her to bed and she is taahirah 189

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(pure, i.e., not menstruating); not praying; and going out of the house without his permission. The evidence that it is permissible to discipline one’s wife includes the aayahs (interpretation of the meaning): “As to those women on whose part you see ill conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful)” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34] “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones” [al-Tahreem 66:6] Ibn Katheer said: Qutaadah said: you should command them to obey Allaah, and forbid them to disobey Allaah; you should be in charge of them in accordance with the command of Allaah, and instruct them to follow the commands of Allaah, and help them to do so. If you see any act of disobedience towards Allaah, then stop them from doing it and rebuke them for that. This was also the view of al-Dahhaak and Muqaatil: that the duty of the Muslim is to teach his family, including his relatives and his slaves, that which Allaah has enjoined upon them and that which He has forbidden them. (Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 4/392) (f) The wife serving her husband. There is a great deal of evidence (daleel) for this, some of which has been mentioned above. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: She is obliged to serve her husband according to what is reasonable among people of similar standing. That varies 190

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according to circumstances: the way in which a Bedouin woman serves (her husband) will not be like the way of a town-dweller, and the way of a strong woman will not be like the way of a weak woman. (al-Fataawa al-Kubraa, 4/561) (g) Submitting herself to him. Once the conditions of the marriage-contract have been fulfilled and it is valid, then the woman is obliged to submit herself to her husband and allow him to enjoy her (physically), because once the contract is completed, he is allowed in return to enjoy her, and the wife is entitled to the compensation which is the mahr. (h) The wife should treat her husband in a good manner, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228] Al-Qurtubi said: It was also narrated from him – i.e., Ibn ‘Abbaas – that this means: they have the right to good companionship and kind and reasonable treatment from their husbands just as they are obliged to obey the commands of their husbands. And it was said that they have the right that their husbands should not harm them, and their husbands have a similar right over them. This was the view of al-Tabari. Ibn Zayd said: You should fear Allaah concerning them just as they should fear Allaah concerning you. 191

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The meanings are similar, and the aayah includes all of that in the rights and duties of marriage.(Tafseer alQurtubi, 3/123-124) And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 8801: Wife’s duties towards her husband’s father Question: My husbands father has come to live with us because he has Alzheimers Disease. It is creating alot of stress in our house. My question: What exactly are my responsibilities toward him? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not obligatory for a woman to serve her husband’s father or mother, or any of his relatives. But it is the matter of chivalry and good manners, if she is in the house, to serve his parents. But with regard to forcing her to do that, it is not permissible for her husband to force her to do that, and it is not a duty upon her. What I suggest is that the wife should be patient in serving her husband’s father, and know that this will not do her any harm; in fact it will make her more noble and more loved by her husband. And Allaah is the Source of strength. 192

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Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen /Fataawa al-‘Ulamaa’ fi ‘Ushrat al-Nisaa’ wa Hall al-Mushkilaat, 128 (www.islam-qa.com) 11582: It is hard for her to ask her husband for intimacy Question: .I am a married woman with a great husband Alhumdulilallah, But I dont think he gives me all my rights. For example right now I am ill and I have a very strange period,I asked him to take me to the doctors and he refused he doesn’t think it is nessary even though I have told him that I think I am pragnant and it might harm the baby. He just says its in the hands of Allah (which I agree) But dont we have to take the nessary steps to take care of our selves? A thing to note is I am not allowed out with out him (which I’m glad for) but that means I cant go to the doctor by myself. After 8 days of having a strange period and feeling ill he is finelly taking me By the Mercy of Allah. Also if I approch him for my needs in the bed he gets angry and tells me that woman from back home would never do such a thing (back home being Arabic country) I would ask at a Halakah But I fear he might find out about my asking. By the will of Allah you are my only way to find out how to advise him. Please for the Sake of Allah try to help. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The husband has to pay attention to these matters concerning his wife, but we must always be realistic and put up with the negative aspects and mistakes of one 193

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another, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be pleased with another.” With regard to the second matter, according to Islam there is nothing wrong with what you mention. Indeed it is the right of each spouse to enjoy intimacy with the other, and both should pay attention to the other’s needs. But in our Arab societies the man usually takes the initiative because the women tend to be shy, and this is something that is praiseworthy. I think that you should try to convince your husband that if customs and traditions have no basis in sharee’ah, there is no need to adhere to them. But if you cannot convince him then in both your interests, each partner should pay attention to the customs of the other. Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com) 12094: Her husband threatened her with divorce if she covers her face or her head Question: Her husband wants to divorce her because she covers her face. Another woman has been threatened with divorce if she covers her hair. They live abroad (not in a Muslim country). Does this count as coercion that would allow them to uncover in either the first or the second case? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows: 194

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If this is a third talaaq (divorce), then yes, because it is irrevocable. In this case the wife is being forced. But if it is a first or second talaaq, then she should not pay any heed to him. He will be the first one to regret it. So let her continue covering her face and her hair. We ask Allaah to make her steadfast and to guide her husband. And Allaah knows best. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com) 9550: Is it permissible for a man to be present with his wife when she is giving birth? Question: Can a man be present during his wife’s childbirth ? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Yes, it is permissible for him to be present when she is giving birth, because it is permissible for the husband to see all of his wife’s body with no exceptions. Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and one of his wives used to do ghusl from janaabah from one vessel. (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 264). So there is nothing wrong with a man attending when his wife gives birth, so long as other women are not uncovered in the same place. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 195

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452: She asked him to divorce her if he takes a second wife Question: My wife and i have discused me having a second wife and she sayes that if i do then she would devorse me.we did not get married by the kafirs but we do have a islamic contract. and there was no agreement on that contract forbiding me from taking a second wife.so my question is .Is it permisable for her to deny me this?And is’nt she making the hallal harram on me. my wife is a good muslimah (I.S.A.) and she would respect a answer whith proof. jazallahkum ma lakair Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If a man is able to marry a second wife, physically and financially, and he can treat both wives in a just manner, and he wants to take a second wife, then he is allowed to do so according to Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:3] And this was the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and of his Companions (may Allaah be pleased with them), but apart from the Prophet, no one is permitted to have more than four wives. It is well known that women are by nature jealous and reluctant to share their husband with other women. Women are not to be condemned for this jealousy, for it 196

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existed in the best of righteous women, the Sahaabiyyaat, and even in the Mothers of the Believers [the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)]. But women should not let jealousy make them object to that which Allaah has prescribed, and they should not try to prevent it; a wife should allow her husband to marry another woman for this is a kind of cooperating in righteousness and piety. According to a hadeeth whose authenticity is agreed upon, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever pays attention to his brother’s needs, Allaah will pay attention to his needs.” The first wife’s consent is not a prerequisite for a man to take another wife. The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked about this and replied as follows: “It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the consent of his first wife, but it is good manners and kindness to deal with her in such a manner that will reduce the hurt which women naturally feel in such situations. This is done by being kind to her and speaking to her in a gentle and pleasant manner, and by spending whatever money may be necessary in order to gain her acceptance of the situation.” Concerning her request for divorce if her husband wants to marry another wife, this is a mistake. But they should examine the situation, and if she really cannot cope with living with another wife, then she can ask him for khula’ [ a kind of divorce instigated by the wife, whereby she forgoes the mahr]. If she can cope with living with the second wife, but it hurts her to do so, then she should be patient and seek the pleasure of Allaah. Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman asks her husband for a divorce for no reason, 197

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but the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden for her.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood and others, and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani, may Allaah have mercy on him). If she bears it with patience, then Allaah will make it easier for her and will expand her chest (i.e., grant her peace and calm), and will compensate her with something good. The husband must also help her by treating her kindly, being patient with her for any jealousy etc. on her part, and overlooking her mistakes. And Allaah is the source of help. Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah al-Haydari. (www.islam-qa.com) 7653: She does not want to live with her husband’s family Question: I live with my inlaws for last 7 years, I dont get along with my father inlaw, I have asked my husband to move out from them. He is very hurt on this matter, He says he cannot live without his parents, and its hard for me to live with his parents and his younger brother, am i asking too much. What does islam role says on this. Please answer me ASAP. I am desperate to move out, But I like my husband to be happy with me also. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned against the husband’s relatives who are not mahrams to the wife entering upon her. It was reported 198

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from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansaar said: “O Messenger of Allaah, what about the brother-inlaw?” he said: “The brother-in-law is death.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172). It is not permissible for her to be alone with any of her inlaws except those who are so young that there is no fear that they will tempt her or be tempted by her. Secondly: The husband must provide his wife with a dwelling place that will conceal her from the eyes of people and protect her from heat and cold, where she can live and settle and be independent. Whatever meets her needs is sufficient, such as a room in good condition with a kitchen and bathroom – unless the wife has stipulated larger accommodation in her marriage contract. He does not have the right to make her eat with any of her in-laws. The kind of accommodation provided must be commensurate with what the husband is able to provide and be suitable according to local custom (‘urf) and the social level of the wife. (a) Ibn Hazam (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: He has to provide her with accommodation according to his means, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means” [al-Talaaq 65:6] (al-Muhallaa, 9/253). (b) Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 199

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She (the wife) is entitled to accommodation because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Lodge them …” [al-Talaaq 65:6] If it is obligatory to provide lodgings for a divorced wife, then it is even more appropriate that lodgings should be provided for one who is still married. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… and live with them honourably…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19]. Part of that means providing them with accommodation, because she cannot do without proper accommodation to conceal her from people’s eyes and so that she may go about her business, relax and her keep her belongings in order. (al-Mughni, 9/237) (c) Al-Kaasaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If a husband wants to make her live with a co-wife or her in-laws, such as his mother or sister or daughter from another marriage or another relative, and she refuses to accept that, then he has to provide her with accommodation of her own… But if he lodges her in a room of the house that has a door of its own, this is sufficient for her and she should not ask him for alternative accommodation, because the harm caused by fear for her belongings and not being able to relax is no longer there. (Badaa’i’ al-Sanaa’i’, 4/23) (d) Ibn Qudaamah also said: A man does not have the right to make two wives live in the same dwelling without their consent, regardless of whether the house is large or small, because this will cause them harm due to the enmity and jealousy between them. Making them live together will cause conflict and each 200

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of them will be able to hear when the husband spends time with (has marital relations with) the other or she will see that. If they both agree (to live together in one house), this is permissible because they have the right to do to ask for independent accommodation, or they may choose to forgo this right. (al-Mughni, 8/137) He did not mean that it is OK for the husband to have marital relations with one where the other can see and hear that; what he meant was that it is permissible for them to live in one house, where (the husband) can come to each of them on her night in a place in the house where the other cannot see her. If he can give each wife a part of the house with a bedroom, bathroom and kitchen, this will be sufficient. Similarly, he could give each wife a separate house or apartment. Al-Haskafi (may Allaah have mercy on him) – one of the Hanafis – said: Similarly, she is entitled to a place in the house that is free of his family and her family according to their means, as is the case with food and clothing. A separated part of the house with a door of its own and facilities such as a bathroom and kitchen will be sufficient for the intended purpose. Ibn ‘Aabideen commented: What is meant by “a bathroom and kitchen” is bathroom facilities and a place for cooking that should be within the room or in a place which is not shared by any other family members. (al-Durr al-Mukhtaar, 3/599-600) I say: what indicates that what is meant by “house” [bayt – literally, “house”, translated above as “room”] is a room is the comment of al-Kaasaani (may Allaah have mercy on him): If the house has rooms, a room should be 201

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allocated to her and given its own door. They said: she does not have the right to ask him for alternative accommodation. (Badaa’i’ al-Sanaa’i’, 4/34) On this basis, it is permissible for him to accommodate you in a room of the house that has its own facilities, so long as there is no fitnah (temptation) or being alone with any non-mahrams who have reached the age of puberty. He does not have the right to force you to work for them in the house or to eat and drink with them. If he is able to provide you with accommodation that is completely separate from his family, that will be better for you, but if his parents are elderly and need him, and they have no one else to serve them and the only way he can serve them is by living with them, then he has to do that. Finally, we urge you to be patient and to strive to please your husband and to help him to honour and be kind to his family as much as possible until Allaah grants you a way out. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2993: Woman goes out to gatherings of dhikr without permission Question: A woman is asking: what is the ruling on my going to the mosque or to a gathering of dhikr in a Muslim’s house for da’wah or to learn, without my father’s permission? If he knew about it he would stop me from going, but 202

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eemaan (faith) wears out just as clothes wear out, and I need to renew my faith because I am in an environment that is filled with munkaraat (undesirable things). Is it permissible for me to go in secret or what? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Before marriage, a woman is under the guardianship of her father, so it is not permissible for her to go out of the house except with his permission, whether it is to go to the mosque or elsewhere, because obedience to one’s father is obligatory so long as it does not involve disobedience towards Allaah. We advise you to listen to broadcasts from the Al-Qur’aan Al-Kareem station, because there is much knowledge and sound teaching to be gained from it. They have a program called “Noor ‘ala’l-Darb (Light on the Way)” in which a group of scholars answer questions from listeners. May Allaah help you to do all that is good and grant you a sound understanding of Islam. From Fataawaa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 12/101 (www.islam-qa.com) 7669: How should she deal with a husband who watches pornographic movies and does not give her her rights? Question: My husband has not been intimate with me for many years. I feel like he doesn’t love me anymore. He has had sexual problems even when I first married him and I noticed he watches alot of movies which contain sex and nudity but 203

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will never aproach me or even kiss me. I have children and I believe divorce is not the right option. What is the solution? I feel shy to say anything to him about this matter. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: do not feel too shy to speak to your husband and advise him about these matters, because speaking to him may be more beneficial and make it easier to find a solution. Exhort him and speak to him in an effective manner such as will reach his heart; remind him of the punishment and wrath of Allaah; scare him with the torment of Hell; remind him of the trust and the responsibility he has towards his wife and children, (as in the hadeeth): “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock; the man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for those under his care.” One of his rights over you is that you should tell him that what he is doing to you is a sin, and that watching these filthy movies is keeping him away from Allaah and from remembering Him. Perhaps he will relent and pay heed to your words. Keep repeating that to him, with wisdom and paying attention to what is in your best interests. If he does not respond, then seek the help of someone who you think he will listen to, such as knowledgeable and righteous people, relatives, friends or anyone who may have some influence over him. Secondly: Try to get him to listen to some effective tapes of khutbahs, speeches and lessons, directly or indirectly, and give him 204

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some Islamic books, so that maybe his heart will be opened to the truth. Thirdly: If none of this has any effect, then appoint an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from your family, who you think will be able, by their involvement, to improve the relationship between you and make him give up the evil things he is involved in. These arbitrators should be righteous people, in accordance with the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allaah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allaah is Ever AllKnower, Well-Acquainted with all things” [al-Nisaa’ 4:35] If these two arbitrators wish for peace, then we ask Allaah to bring you back together in a good and proper manner and to reconcile you with the best relationship there can be between a husband and wife. Fourthly: If the arbitrators cannot achieve a complete reconciliation, then make the following offer to him, if you can be patient and put up with it: Suggest that he marry another wife, and let you stay with him without any rights as far as the intimate relationship is concerned, on the condition that he gives up his sin and you stay with your children and he spends on you. There is nothing wrong with that, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And if a woman fears cruelty or desertion on her 205

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husband’s part, there is no sin on them both if they make terms of peace between themselves; and making peace is better” [al-Nisaa’ 4:128] One of the meanings of making peace here is that she agrees to forego her right of having him stay with her overnight, in return for her staying married to him. ‘Aa’ishah said: “When Sawdah bint Zam’ah grew old, she gave her day to ‘Aa’ishah, so the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spent Sawdah’s day with her.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4914; Muslim, 1463). Sawdah, may Allaah be pleased with her, was one of the wives of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). If you do not reach an agreement with him, even something of this nature, and you cannot be patient and put up with it, then you should not think about or suggest divorce except after being sure that that the disadvantages of staying with this man outweigh the disadvantages of separating from him. In this case, you should bear in mind the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “But if they separate (by divorce), Allaah will provide abundance for everyone of them from His Bounty. And Allaah is Ever All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, AllWise” [al-Nisaa’ 4:130] In this difficult situation, you must turn to Allaah and seek His Help and ask for guidance to make the right decision. We remind you again that it is your duty to remind and advise this man in all situations. May Allaah protect you and take care of you. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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5971: If she calls her husband to bed and he refuses Question: Somre sisters ask the following question: We hear the hadeeth that if a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, then the angels curse her until morning. The question is, what if the wife calls the husband to bed and he refuses? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible for a man to forsake his wife and thus harm her, except in the case of nushooz (rebellion) and disobedience. But he is not committing a sin if he does not lie with her without intending to harm her, because the need is his and depends on his desire and he cannot control his desire at will. If he forsakes her, then he is a sinner because there should be no harming or reciprocating harm. And Allaah knows best. Written by Ibn Jibreen. (www.islam-qa.com) 6713: The problem of a wife being left alone because the husband works long hours Question: is it wrong to keep your wife at home, not to let her leave the house on less she is with you ? 207

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she will get bored ,,i work 15 hours a day 7 days a week ,,i get one day off every three weeks if im lucky. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Undoubtedly the temptations in this life are many, and the ways in which the Shaytaan deceives the sons of Adam are many and varied. So the husband has to take precautions. Allaah has entrusted him with an important task, which is to take care of his wife and children; He has made him responsible for educating and protecting them. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock… a man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for those under his care; a woman is the shepherd in her husband’s house and she is responsible for her those under her care.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 893) The wife is a human of flesh and blood, and is affected by what she sees and hears from the people of evil and fitnah (temptation). So the husband should take this into account, so he can protect her from bad influences and stop her from going to bad places. The Muslim husband should not live only for worldly purposes and work like a dumb machine. Wealth is tempting, but that which is with Allaah is better and more lasting. He should try to find work with shorter hours, even if the pay is less, as long as it is sufficient to meet his needs. This will give him more time to take care of his family and educate his children. It is not right to leave his wife alone for this length of time, unless there is something to compensate the wife 208

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for the absence of her husband, such as studying sharee’ah or meeting with people who fear Allaah and can teach her something good, and so on. But if she is just being left alone, or is being left with the TV and its bad shows, or with bad neighbours and evil companions, then this is neglect and is to be condemned. Those who are neglectful often get their punishment in this world, before they even meet their Lord. With regard to a woman going out of her house, according to sharee’ah it is not conditional upon her being accompanied by her husband or mahram as long as she is trustworthy and she goes to places where there is no fear for her, and the route she takes is safe. The presence of a mahram is a condition when she is travelling, but she does not have to be accompanied by a mahram everywhere she goes in the city – unless there is some evil or fitnah (temptation, tribulation) involved in her going even a short distance, in which case a woman should not go out on her own. Then it is better to be on the safe side and not go out unless she is with her husband or someone who can protect her and take care of her. When a Muslim lives in a kaafir country, he has to make extra efforts to protect his family, such as getting together with other Muslim families and renting an apartment building together, or moving to live next to one another, so that this will offer a kind of protection and create a good environment for families and children. At the same time, the Muslim woman should find good, righteous women with whom she can fill her time when her husband is absent. “Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the Muttaqoon (the pious)” [al-Furqaan 25:74 – interpretation of the meaning]. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. 209

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Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 6228: Should he try not to have children with his Christian wife? Question: married with a christian; also have converted to islam from Hinduism myself. Wondering, if it is okay to try my best to not have children with this christian wife since there is no agreement on raising the child as muslim. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly, we would like to offer our congratulations to you for the blessing that Allaah has bestowed upon you by bringing you into Islam. We ask Allaah to help you to be steadfast in Islam and to die as a Muslim. Secondly, we do not advise you to prevent having children with your Christian wife, for two reasons: Having a lot of children is required according to sharee’ah. The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Marry women who are loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great number before the other nations on the Day of Resurrection.” (narrated by Abu Dawood, 1754; al-Nisaa’i, 3175; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 132) It is not definite that your wife will remain a non-Muslim. 210

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Allaah may bless her with Islam as He has blessed you, then you may regret having gotten older without having children to bring up in the right religion and with proper manners. So we advise you not to prevent having children, and to try to call your wife to Islam – maybe Allaah will bless her with Islam. If Allaah does bless you with children, then you have to bring them up in the right religion and with proper manners from an early age. This is one of the duties that Allaah requires of you, and your non-Muslim wife has no say in the matter. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones” [alTahreem 6:66]. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock… a man is a shepherd of his family and will be asked about those who are under his care…” (narrated by al-Bukhaari, 844, and Muslim, 3408). And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 6257: Ruling on staying with a husband who does not pray Question: My husband neglects his religion; he does not fast in Ramadaan and he does not pray, and moreover, he stops 211

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me from doing any good deed. He has also started to be so suspicious of me, that he has left his work to stay home so he can watch over me. What should I do? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible to stay with a husband who is like this, because by neglecting the salaah (prayer) he is a kaafir, and it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir or stay with him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… if you ascertain that they [women] are true believers, send them not back to the disbelievers, they are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them…” [al-Mumtahinah 60:10] The marriage between you and him is null and void, and there can be no nikaah (marriage) between you unless Allaah guides him and he repents to Allaah and comes back to Islam. In that case the marriage will remain valid. The husband’s conduct is not correct, and it seems to me that he is suffering from some kind of (mental) illness, namely paranoia and waswaas (insinuating whispers of the Shaytaan) from which some people suffer with regard to their worship and their dealings with others. Nothing will get rid of this sickness but remembering Allaah (dhikr), seeking refuge in Him and putting one’s trust in Him to get rid of it. What matters is that for your part, you have to leave him and not stay with him, because he is a kaafir and you are a believer. With regard to your husband, we advise him to come back to his religion and 212

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to seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan, and to try to recite some beneficial du’aa’s with which to rid his heart of this waswaas. We ask Allaah to help him. And Allaah knows best. From the Fataawa of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, in alDa’wah magazine, no. 1709, p. 34 (www.islam-qa.com) 5322: She wants to travel for five months away from her husband Question: Is it permissible for a woman to travel away from her husband for five months or more? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If the couple both agree to that then there is nothing wrong with it, unless staying apart will lead one of the couple to do something wrong such as doing something haraam or neglecting the children. In this case it is not permissible, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 3320: Is it permissible to allow a Christian wife to practise her religion in the home? Question: know that Allah (S) has permitted us to marry Christians and the Jews. Now, can she practice her religious rites in 213

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the same house and have pictures of the crucifiction of Jesus (A) and celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and etc. Can her kids join her? If no, would not it hurt her feelings? Please, answer me on this issue. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible for a Muslim to allow his wife from among the People of the Book to celebrate her festivals in his home, for the man is in charge of that woman and she does not have the right to openly celebrate her festivals in his home, because of the resulting effects of corruption, forbidden things and display of the symbols of kufr in his home. He should keep his children from taking part in those innovated festivals, because the children belong to the father and he should keep them away from these forbidden celebrations. At the same time he should direct them towards what will benefit them, even if that affects his relationship with his wife. The aims of sharee’ah and protecting one’s religion – which is one of the most important aims of sharee’ah – take priority over everything else. Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal was asked about a man who had a Christian wife – could he let her go out to join in the Christian festivals or to go to the church? He said, no. In al-Mughni (1/21), Ibn Qudaamah says: “(Treatment of women): If his wife is a dhimmiyyah [a Jew or Christian living under Islamic rule], he can prevent her from going to the church, because that is not an act of obedience to Allaah.” If these scholars said that the husband should stop a Christian wife from going to church, then what do you 214

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think is the case with regard to her celebrating these innovated festivals in the house of her Muslim husband? Especially when we know the harm that results from these festivals, which is far worse than her merely going to the church. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 3758: Complaint from a wife about her husband’s treatment in bed Question: My question is very embarrassing but there is nobody I can ask about this. My husband is good and pious, and I have no reason not to trust him, but he is not giving me my rights in bed. Is it permissible for me to ask him for a divorce, or will I be one of those who will not smell the fragrance of Paradise? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If a husband is fulfilling his Islamic duties towards his wife, it is not permissible for her to ask him for a divorce, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any woman asks her husband for a divorce for no compelling reason, she will be deprived of the fragrance of Paradise.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 21874, and Ibn Maajah, 2055). The meaning of the phrase “for no compelling reason” is anything that gives her a 215

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strong motive for seeking divorce. (Sharh Ibn Maajah ‘ala al-Sanadi). As for intercourse in bed, if the wife’s demands are greater than what is normal, it is not permissible for her to seek a divorce (the word “normal” refers to what is usual, such as once a week or once every ten days and so on, and people vary in their capacity in this regard). For more information, please see Question # 1078. If the husband has some defect or sickness that prevents him from having intercourse (i.e., he is impotent), then it is permissible for his wife to ask for a divorce. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2407: Being absent from one’s wife for more than six months Question: I’m getting married back home , but unfortunately I will not be able to bring her to this country because I,m student. I know a Hadith where Omar ibn Alkhatab (RAA)- if I,m right - said that husband and wife must not be way from each other for more than six months. Unfortunately , I will only be able to comeback after a year minumum. Am I allowed to do that using the islaamic principal “necessity dictates exception”. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 216

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If your wife accepts your being away for this length of time, then there is nothing wrong with it. May Allaah bless us and you with all strength and goodness. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 482: Wife complaining of husband’s mistreatment Question: My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, and we have very young children. My love for my husband has greatly decreased since we got married, because of his behaviour. He has a very bad temper, which he has no control over. When something makes him angry, he hits me. It cannot be called beating, and he never hits me on the face, but he hits me hard enough to leave a mark. This has happened many times in our marriage, but it is not every day. We are aware of the three steps that Allah has told the husband to follow in such situations but, as I said, my husband has no control over his anger. This is what is causing the problem. I have borne my husband’s anger with patience up to this time, which I do sometimes out of love, but also out of fear. Because of this prolonged situation I have become afraid of him. I feel resentment towards my husband which is causing more problems because my husband does not like the way I talk to him, because I have lost patience and feel that I am being treated unfairly. He has hit me many times in front of the kids, and even when I have been holding them. The older child is starting to copy his father and act out his anger on me. What can I do to stop his behaviour (please don’t say not to make him angry), apart from more patience? What can 217

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I do with this resentment that I feel towards him? I have tried to forgive him but my heart has been hurt too many times. His behaviour and my bad feelings are tearing our marriage apart. Allah knows best if we should stay together or not. And if we stay together, what is the best way to stop this behaviour and this cycle of bad feelings? Answer: Praise be to Allaah, There is no doubt that the problem you have described is very sad and painful. First of all let me say that there is no alternative to turning to Allah, for He is the One Who makes a way out of every difficult situation. The following are a few points of advice: Your husband needs someone to advise him - look around for a suitable person to do this. - Avoid making him angry (although you asked me not to say this, I cannot avoid giving this advice). Again, avoid making him angry as much as you can. - Whoever sees the problems of others will see his or her own problem in perspective. There are husbands who beat their wives on the face, and injure them and break their bones; some kick their wives out of the house in the middle of the night and lock them out; others do not give their wives a penny, and even take their money and jewelry; some eat outside the house and never bring food home for their wives and children, leaving them to beg from their neighbors; others drink alcohol, take drugs, and bring prostitutes to the house. Some do not recognize Allah at all; they do not even know the direction of the qiblah. I myself have dealt with these and other cases involving the problems suffered by wives; these examples 218

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are not made up. Perhaps looking at the problems of others and putting things into perspective will offer some consolation and make you feel better. - Think about your husband’s positive aspects - his religion or his relationship with you or his spending, or the fact that he does not hit you on the face, and so on. Perhaps this will help to reduce your negative feelings towards him. - Remember that what you are suffering is a test, one of the trials that Allah decrees for whomever He wills in this life, to see how people will behave. So face it with patience and the hope of earning reward. The Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) said: “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for everything is good for him, and this applies only to the believer. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it, and this is good for him; if something bad befalls him, he bears it with patience, and this is also good for him.” (reported by Muslim, may Allah have mercy on him, in al-Saheeh, no. 2999). - Think about the tragedy of divorce and what would happen to the family in this case. A wise woman may put up with something bad in order to avoid something even worse, because some evils are less than others. - Write him a letter, reminding him of the Prophet’s advice concerning women, e.g., “. . . Be kind to women, for they are your prisoners and you have no rights over them other than that. If they are guilty of clear immoral misconduct, then avoid them in their beds, and beat them, but not severely. If they then obey you, do not seek means of annoying them, for you have rights over your wives and they have rights over you. Your rights over your wives are that they should not allow anyone you dislike in your bed, and they should not let anyone whom you dislike 219

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enter your house. Their rights over you are that you should treat them well with regard to clothing and food.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 1163; he said: this is a saheeh hasan hadith.) - The Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) said: “Many women have come to the family of Muhammad, complaining about their husbands. Those (husbands) are not the best among you. (Reported by Abu Dawud, no. 2146). If he becomes angry and hits you hard, wait until he calms down, then provoke his pity by saying words such as “Is this how you treat the mother of your children and the one who is closest to you?” and showing him the mark left by his blow, so that he can see with his own eyes what his hand has done. Also, remind him that oppression is haraam, and that Allah is able to deal with him. Then disappear and leave him to think things over. In most cases, if the husband has any shred of decency and real character, and religious sensitivity, he will apologize. - Some marital problems can only be resolved with the passage of time, as the number of children increases and they grow up, and the husband grows to love them even more. This makes the wife more precious to him too, as he sees her as the one who is bringing up and protecting his children. As he also increases in maturity and in his understanding of the realities of life, he will realize the evil of what he has done and his behaviour will improve, so he will stop doing some of the things he used to do. Hoping for improvement is a good thing: people live on hope. Supplication (du‘aa’) is the refuge of the believer. How many times, I wonder, have you prayed to Allah to reform your husband? Persist in du‘aa’ and seek ways of making Allah respond. 220

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I ask Allah to improve your situation and to guide you both. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 3 Transactions Marriage: Dowry 46667: Can he rent the traditional set of jewellery and then return it to the jeweller in order to get married? Question: A young man proposed marriage, but he cannot afford the traditional set of jewellery. He agreed with his fiancée to bring the jeweller to the house in order to please her family, then the young man will return the traditional set of jewellery to the jeweller one month after the celebration, in return for the groom paying the jeweller for renting this set for this one-month period, according to the price set by the jeweller. Is this regarded as riba? Is this haraam or halaal, because the young man’s marriage to this girl depends on his bringing this jewellery because her family are insisting on that? May Allaah reward you with good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: The Standing Committee was asked a similar question, about renting gold and silver jewellery for the woman to wear for her wedding, then returning it two weeks later, for example, and paying for that. They replied:

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The basic principle is that it is permissible to rent gold and silver jewellery for one of the two currencies, or for something else, for a known rent and period of time, after which the one who rents the jewellery is to return it. And there is nothing wrong with taking collateral for that. Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 15/79-80 The two currencies are gold and silver, i.e., it is permissible to pay the rental fee in gold or silver, or in the banknotes that people use nowadays. And Allaah knows best. Secondly: Women’s fathers and guardians are advised not to make excessive demands with regard to the mahr (dowry), and not to burden prospective husbands with unreasonable demands as regards the mahr, traditional set of jewellery and furniture, etc. Such excessive demands are condemned in sharee’ah, as are the harmful consequences to which they lead. See question no. [12572]. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 12572: The negative and harmful consequences of exaggerating concerning the dowry Question: What is the ruling on what many women’s guardians do nowadays of making excessive demands regarding the dowry and asking the husband for more than he can afford, which makes him take on many debts in order to get married, and which may put many young men off getting married?.

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We have already explained in the answer to question no. 10525 that Islam teaches that the dowry should be reduced and made simple, and that this is in the interests of both the husband and the wife. As the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3300. The scholars have spoken a great deal about this issue and explained the harm that results from exaggerating concerning the mahr. For example, Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem issued a lengthy fatwa on this matter, in which he said: One of the things that people have gone too far in, until they reached the level of extravagance and excess, is the matter of exaggerating concerning the mahr, and being extravagant in clothing, wedding feasts, and so on. The knowledgeable and wise people have started to complain about this because of the many evil consequences to which it leads, such as many women remaining unmarried, because many men cannot afford the expenses of getting married, which leads to many kinds of evil consequences…. I have researched this matter from all angles and reached the following conclusions: 1 – Accepting a moderate dowry and not demanding more of the husband than he can afford are enjoined by sharee’ah, according to the consensus of the scholars of the earlier and later generations. This is the Sunnah that is proven from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). 224

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2 – If the husband takes on payment of a dowry that he cannot afford and that is beyond his means, he deserves to be denounced for that, because he has done something makrooh, even if that dowry is less than the dowry given by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (1424) that Abu Hurayrah said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “I have got married to a woman from among the Ansaar.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him: “Have you looked at her? For there may be something in the eyes of the Ansaar.” He said: “(Yes) I have looked at her.” He said: “For how much did you get married?” He said: ‘For four uqiyahs.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “For four uqiyahs! It is as if you are getting this silver by digging it up from the side of this mountain. We do not have anything to give you, but perhaps we will send you on a campaign from which you might get something.” So he sent a campaign to Bani ‘Abs, and he sent that man among them. Al-Nawawi said in his commentary on this hadeeth: what this means is that it is makrooh to make the dowry too much in relation to the husband’s situation. 3 – There can be no doubt that marriage is something that is prescribed and encouraged in sharee’ah, and in most cases it reaches the degree of being obligatory. Most people cannot manage to do this thing that is prescribed or mustahabb when there is this exaggeration concerning the mahr. It is well known that whatever is essential to doing something obligatory is also obligatory, from which we may understand that it is prescribed to make people aware of the seriousness of this matter and stop them from going to extremes in this matter which is preventing men from doing that which Allaah has enjoined upon them 225

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(i.e., getting married), especially since the command to reduce the mahr will not lead to any evil consequences, rather it is wholly in the interests of both the husband and the wife, and is in fact something that is liked and encouraged in Islam, as stated above. 4 – There is no shar’i justification for the woman’s guardian to refuse to marry her to a compatible man if he proposes marriage to her and she is pleased with him, because he cannot pay the large dowry that the guardian demands because of his personal greed or for the purpose of extravagance and showing off. Rather this comes under the heading of preventing marriage for which the one who does it is regarded as a faasiq (evildoer) if he does it repeatedly. Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said: The scholars found a way around this obstacle when they said that if a guardian refuses to marry his female relative under his care to a compatible man with whom she is pleased, then that guardianship passes to another. For example, if a woman’s father refuses to marry her to a man whose religious commitment and character are suitable and with whom she is pleased and whom she wants to marry, then the closest of people to her after him, among her brothers, paternal uncles or cousins, should marry her to him.” 5 – Increasing the mahr and exaggerating concerning it forms a strong obstacle to marriage, and the many evil consequences that result from that and the spread of evil actions among men and women, are well known. The means come under the same ruling as the ends. Islam came to achieve and complete people’s best interests, and to do away with and reduce evils. Even if reducing dowries were to do no more than block the ways that lead to haraam things, that would be sufficient. 226

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6 – The evil consequences of exaggerating concerning dowries are well known. How many free, chaste women have been prevented from marrying by their guardians, who have wronged them and left them without husbands and children. How many women has that led to respond to the calls of their own desire and the Shaytaan, so they have committed evil actions and brought shame upon themselves and their families and clans, because they have committed sins that anger the Most Merciful? How many young men have been unable to meet these demands for which no authority was sent down by Allaah, so the devils and evil companions took control of them, until they led them astray and caused them to lose out, so they lost their families and lost their way, and they became lost to their ummah and homeland, and they lost out in this world and in the Hereafter. 7 – Another harmful effect of exaggerating concerning dowries is the appearance of mental illness among young people of both sexes, because of having to suppress their natural urges and because of the frustration they encounter when they try to get married. 8 – Making demands of the husband that he cannot meet may stir up enmity in his heart against his wife, due to the financial difficulties that he suffers because of her. But the aim (of marriage) is happiness, not hardship. 9 – Even if there is any benefit in a large dowry for the women or her guardians, the evil consequences outweigh any such benefits. The basic principle in sharee’ah is that warding off evil takes precedence over achieving benefits. 10 – With regard to the story narrated from ‘Umar ibn alKhattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him), that when 227

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he forbade increasing the mahr to more than four hundred dirhams, a woman from among Quraysh objected to that and said: “O Ameer al-Mu’mineen, you have forbidden increasing the mahr of women to more than four hundred dirhams, have you not heard the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): ‘…and you have given one of them a Qintaar (of gold, i.e. a great amount as Mahr)…’ [al-Nisa’ 4:20]?” He said: “O Allaah, forgive me. All the people have more understanding of religion than ‘Umar.” Then he went back and ascended the minbar, and said: “O people, I forbade you to increase women’s dowries to more than four hundred. But whoever wants to give as much as he wants of his wealth, let him do so.” But this story may be understood in different ways, and cannot be used as evidence or to oppose the proven texts referred to above, especially when there is no report of any objection to ‘Umar or denunciation of him on the part of any of the Sahaabah apart from this woman. Adapted from the words of Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem. See Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem, 10/187-199. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 10525 Reducing the mahr is the Sunnah Question: I noticed that people nowadays are increasing the mahr (dowry) for marriage a great deal. Is this Sunnah? Does sharee’ah stipulate a certain limit for the mahr that should not be overstepped?. 228

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Marriage is one of the blessings of Allaah, and one of His signs. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect” [al-Room 30:21] Allaah commanded guardians to arrange marriages for those who are under their care, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maidservants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allaah is AllSufficient for His creatures’ needs, AllKnowing (about the state of the people)” [al-Noor 24:32] That is because of the great interests that are served by marriage, such as increasing the numbers of the ummah, and causing the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to feel proud before the other Prophets, and protecting both husband and wife from falling into haraam… and other great benefits. But some guardians (walis) put obstacles in the way of marriage, which prevented those under their care from getting married in many cases. That is because they exaggerate concerning the mahr, and 229

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demand huge dowries which a young man who wants to get married cannot afford, until marriage becomes something extremely difficult for many of those who want to get married. The mahr is a right that is given to the woman, as enjoined by Islamic sharee’ah, as an expression of the man’s desire to marry her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart” [al-Nisa’ 4:4] This does not mean that the woman is a product to be sold, rather it is a symbol of honour and respect, and a sign that the husband is willing to shoulder his responsibilities and fulfil his duties. Sharee’ah does not stipulate a certain limit for the mahr that should not be overstepped, but it does encourage reducing the mahr and keeping it simple. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of marriage is that which is made easiest.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3300. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of mahrs is the simplest (or most affordable).” Narrated by al-Haakim and al-Bayhaqi, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3279. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to a man who wanted to get married: “Look (for something to give as a dowry), even if it is a ring of iron.” Agreed upon. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) 230

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set the highest example for his ummah in that regard, so that a clear understanding of the basic principles would be implanted in society, and a spirit of simplicity would spread among the people. Abu Dawood (2125) and al-Nasaa’i (3375) narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas that ‘Ali said: “I married Faatimah (may Allaah be pleased with her) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, let me go ahead with the marriage.’ He said: ‘Give her something.’ I said: ‘I do not have anything.’ He said: ‘Where is your Hutami shield?’ I said, ‘I have it with me.’ He said, ‘Give it to her.’” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i, 3160. This was the mahr of Faatimah, the daughter of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), the leader of the women of Paradise. This reinforces the fact that in Islam, the mahr is not something that is sought for its own sake. Ibn Maajah (1887) narrated that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: “Do not go to extremes with regard to the dowries of women, for if that were a sign of honour and dignity in this world or a sign of piety before Allaah, then Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have done that before you. But he did not give any of his wives, and none of his daughters were given, more than twelve uqiyah. A man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against her and says, ‘You cost me everything I own, and caused me a great deal of hardship’.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah, 1532. “Do not go to extremes” means do not exaggerate in increasing the dowry. “A man may increase the dowry until he feels resentment against her” means, until he begins to hate her when he is still paying off the debts 231

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incurred because of this mahr because it is too hard for him, or whenever he thinks about the matter. From Haashiyat al-Sindi ‘ala Ibn Maajah. Twelve uqiyah is equivalent to 480 dirhams, i.e., approximately 135 silver riyals (134.4). This was the mahr of the daughters and wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said in Majmoo’ alFataawa, 32/194: Whoever thinks of increasing his daughter’s mahr and asking for more than the daughters of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) were given – when they were the best women in this world in all aspects – is an ignorant fool. The same applies to asking for more than the Mothers of the Believers were given. This applies even if one is well off and can afford it. With regard to one who is poor, he should not give a mahr greater than he can afford to pay without any hardship. He also said in al-Fataawa al-Kubra: The words of Imam Ahmad according to the report of Hanbal imply that it is mustahabb for the dowry to be four hundred dirhams. This is the correct view in cases where the man can afford it. It is mustahabb to pay this amount and no more. In Zaad al-Ma’aad (5/178), Ibn al-Qayyim quoted some of the ahaadeeth that indicate that the mahr should be reduced and that there is no minimum amount. Then he said: "These ahaadeeth indicate that there is no minimum amount for the mahr… and that exaggerating concerning the mahr is makrooh, and that it reduces its barakah (blessing). " 232

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Hence it is clear that what people do nowadays, increasing the mahr and exaggerating concerning it, is something that goes against the sharee’ah. The wisdom behind reducing the mahr and not increasing it is quote clear: This makes it easier for people to get married, so that they will not be diverted from it, which will result in all kinds of moral and social corruption. For more information on the harm caused by exaggerating concerning the dowry, please see question no. 12572. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 40370: Does she have the right to the second part of the dowry? Question: Her husband divorced her on the grounds that she is suffering from a contagious disease, i.e. leprosy, but after visiting a number of doctors it became clear that what she has is not a disease and is not contagious, and it can be removed by laser. Does she have the right to ask for the second part of the dowry?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. So long as it is not a deformity, she has the right to ask for the second part of her dowry. Shaykh Khaalid al-Mushayqih (www.islam-qa.com)

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20154: They agreed to give the mahr in gold instead of cash. What is the ruling? Question: I was married eight years back however until now I did not pay my Mahr but I am planning to give it know, which is Indian rupees 7,000. Instead of money (cash) I want to give her gold ornaments of equivalent or more cash. Besides I had asked her does she needs cash or gold, she said that it is up to me. Please advice me? How to pay my mahr back? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The basic principle is that the man is obliged to give the mahr that he stipulated to the woman. If they agree on something different, or on more or less, then that is permissible, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “but if after a Mahr is prescribed, you agree mutually (to give more), there is no sin on you” [al-Nisa’ 4:24] Al-Qurtubi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “This means, giving more or less in the mahr, for that is allowed when there is mutual agreement, after the mahr has been agreed upon.” (Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 5/235). Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan said: “If she gives him part of it – part of the mahr – there is nothing wrong with that. If she lets him off paying all or part of the mahr, she has the right to do so. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 234

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‘but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allaah has made it lawful)’ [al-Nisa’ 4:4] This is dependent on agreement from both parties.” (Fataawa Noor ‘ala’l-Darb, 109). So it is clear from this that if the woman agrees to this, there is nothing wrong with that because this is her right. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 10509: Is furnishing the marital home supposed to be part of the mahr (dowry)? Question: If the husband gives the mahr (dowry) to his wife and tells her to furnish the house from the mahr, does he have the right to do that? In our country they make the woman furnish the house. Is it obligatory on the wife to pay part of her mahr towards furnishing the house? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The mahr is the exclusive right of the women, to dispose of as she wishes. She does not have to prepare the house, 235

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because there is no text in the sources of sharee’ah which state that the wife is under any obligation to prepare the marital home. There is nothing to state that her parents are obliged to prepare the house either. No one has the right to force her to do that. If she does anything to prepare the house or the furnishings and equipment that are needed, this is voluntary on her part. Preparing the house is an obligation on the husband. He is the one who has to do everything that is needed to prepare the marital home by supplying furnishings, conveniences, equipment and whatever else is needed in the home, because that is all part of the spending which he is obliged to spend on his wife. Al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah, vol. 39, p. 206 (www.islamqa.com) 12045: He died after completing the marriage contract. Should the rest of the mahr be counted as a debt that he owes? Question: He completed the marriage contract with her, then he died. He had already given her a part of the mahr, and he has other debts besides the mahr. What should the heirs do with regard to the remaining part of the mahr? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We put his question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al‘Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows: 236

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The remaining part of the mahr should be included with the other debts, and whatever was given to her (the bride) previously belongs to her. And Allaah knows best. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com) 3119: What is the minimum amount of mahr? What is the modern equivalent of the mahr of the Mothers of the Believers? Question: What is the minimum amount of mahr (Dowry) permitted by Shareea? I found in one book, the dowry of the most of the wives and daughters of Prophet (PBUH) was 480 Dirhams. What is the equivalent amount for the present time? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The minimum amount of mahr has been explained in the report in al-Saheeh (no. 1425) narrated from Sahl ibn Sa’d al-Saa’idi, who said: “A woman came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I have come to give myself (in marriage) to you.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) looked at her and looked her up and down, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) lowered his head and paused. When the woman saw that he had not made a decision about her, she sat down. A man from among the Sahaabah said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, if you are not interested in her, then marry her to 237

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me.’ He said, ‘Do you have anything?’ He said, ‘No, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah.’ He said, ‘Go to your people and see if you can find anything.’ So the man went, then he came back and said, ‘No, by Allaah, I could not find anything.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Look and see (if you can find anything), even if it is only an iron ring which you can give.’ So he went, then came back, and said, ‘No, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah, not even an iron ring. But (I have) this izaar (garment) of mine, she can have half of it.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘What can she do with your izaar? If you are wearing it she will have nothing of it.’ The man sat down, then after a long time had passed, he got up (to leave). The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw him leaving and called him. When he came, he said, ‘What do you know of the Qur’aan?’ He said, ‘Soorah Such-and-such and Soorah Such-and-such.’ He said, ‘Do you know them by heart?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Then go, you are married to her by what you know of the Qur’aan.’” This hadeeth shows that it is permissible for the mahr to be a little or a lot of whatever is considered to be wealth, if both partners agree, because an iron ring is extremely little. This is the madhhab of al-Shaafa’i and is also the view of the majority of scholars among the earlier and later generations. This was also the view of Rabee’ah, Abu’l-Zinaad, Ibn Abi Dhi’b, Yahyaa ibn Sa’eed, al-Layth ibn Sa’d, al-Thawri, al-Oozaa’i, Muslim ibn Khaalid, Ibn Abi Laylaa, Dawood, the fuqahaa’ of the scholars of hadeeth and Ibn Wahb among the companions of Maalik. It was also the view of all the scholars of the Hijaaz, Basrah, Kufa and Syria, and others, that whatever the couple agree upon is permissible (as a dowry), whether it is a lot or a little, such as a whip, a pair of shoes or an iron ring, etc. 238

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With regard to the question about the mahr of the Mothers of the Believers: Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (no. 1426) that Abu Salamah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan said: “I asked ‘Aa’ishah the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) what the mahr given by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was. She said: ‘The mahr that he gave to his wives was twelve ooqiyah and a nashsh.’ He said, Do you know what a nashsh is? He said, she said it is half of an ooqiyah. That was five hundred dirhams. This was the mahr given by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to his wives.” The scholar Ibn Khaldoon said: “The consensus of the scholars from the beginning of Islam and the time of the Sahaabah and the Taabi’een has been that the shar’i dirham is that of which ten coins weigh seven mithqaals of gold. The ooqiyah is forty dirhams of this type, and on this basis it is seven-tenths of a dinar… All of these amounts are agreed upon by scholarly consensus (ijmaa’).” (Muqaddimah Ibn Khaldoon, p. 263) At the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), a dinar was equivalent to 12 dirhams. The dinar weighs the equivalent of 4.25 grams of 24-carat gold. So the mahr of the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was approximately 500 dirhams, i.e., 41.5 dinars. This is equivalent to 176.375 grams. If the price of one gram of gold is 9 dollars, for example – as it the approximate price nowadays – then the modern equivalent of the mahr of the wives of the Prophet (peace

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and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is approximately 87. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 8884: Writing the dowry on a piece of silk Question: Upper-class people have the custom of writing the dowry on a piece of pure silk. Is this permissible? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible, because it is not permissible for men to use silk as clothing or for any other purpose. It is permissible for women to wear it. This usage of silk is a men’s affair, hence it is haraam. We should not be deceived by the fact that so many people follow this custom, or that so many people see it and do not speak out against it. This is like all other haraam things that people customarily do. A group of our companions have clearly stated that it is haraam to write the dowry on silk. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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5460: When a wife lets her husband off paying the Mahr Question: There was a sistuation where a father asked for his daughter as Mahr, a Quran straight away and to follow ,000 later, The brother is unable to pay this amount and the wife would like to pardon him, of this amount, is it permissable? Also what if the wife didnt pardon this amount and they divorced soon after would he still have to pay the amount to her after the divorce? Is it permissable for a brother to say that he would pay in Mahr somthing which is not in his means? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is nothing wrong with a wife letting her husband off paying the Mahr, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allâh has made it lawful)” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4] This deferred payment becomes due in the ca se of divorce after the consummation of the marriage, even if the time-period involved is short – unless the woman demands khul’ [a kind of divorce instigated by the wife] and gives up her right to the money, as a compensation to the husband for leaving him. This is OK is the khul’ is done for a legitimate reason and not just for 241

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the sake of getting the money. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit open illegal sexual intercourse…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19] It is permissible for the husband to say “I will give you such and such as a Mahr”, even if he does not own it; he should explain to them that this is to be paid later rather than sooner, and it will be a debt that he owes. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2491: A father puts the condition that he should get something for himself in addition to the mahr which is agreed to for his daughter at the time of the wedding contract (nikaah) Question: There is a custom in some societies for the father to put the condition that he should get something for himself in addition to the mahr which is agreed to for his daughter when she gets married. Does he have the right to this or not? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: ‘Issue: if she gets married on the 242

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condition that she will get one thousand and her father will get one thousand, this is permissible, and if she is divorced before the marriage is consummated … the conclusion is that the father of the woman is allowed to put the condition that he will get some part of his daughter’s dowry for himself. This is the opinion of Ishaaq, and it was reported that when Masrooq married his daughter off, he put a condition that he would get ten thousand for himself, which he spent on Hajj and on the poor, then he said to the husband: “Provide your wife with what she needs [e.g., buy her clothes and furnish a house for her].” Something similar was reported from ‘Ali ibn al-Husayn.’ ‘Ataa’, Tawoos, ‘Ikrimah, ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez, alThawri and Abu ‘Ubayd said: ‘All of the mahr is for the woman… because the mahr must not be given to anyone but the wife, as a compensation for intimacy with her… Our evidence for this is the words of Allaah in the story of Shu’ayb, upon whom be peace (interpretation of the meaning): “He said: ‘I intend to wed one of these two daughters of mine to you, on condition that you serve me for eight years…’” [al-Qasas 28:27] Here the father, Shu’ayb, made his employing Moosa to look after his sheep his dowry, which was a condition that he would get something for himself. Moreover, a father has the right to take from the wealth of his child, on the basis of the Prophet’s words, “You and your wealth belong to your father,” and “Your children are among the best of your earnings, so consume from their wealth.” (Reported by Abu Dawood; a similar report narrated by al-Tirmidhi, who said, a hasan hadeeth). If a father puts the condition that he will get something for himself from the dowry, this means that he will be taking something from his daughter’s wealth, and he has the right to do this… A father has the right to take whatever he wants and leave 243

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whatever he wants, and he could take it with this condition or without it… This is provided that he is not unfair in his taking from his daughter’s wealth; if he is being unfair, then the condition is not valid, and the entire dowry belongs to the bride.’ He also said (may Allaah have mercy on him): ‘Section: If any guardian other than the father, such as the grandfather, brother or (paternal) uncle puts such a condition, it is invalid. This is the opinion of Ahmad, and all the mahr agreed upon belongs to the bride.’ (al-Mughni, part 7, Mas’alah 5580) (www.islam-qa.com) 3784: He found out after marriage that his wife is mentally ill. Should he ask for the mahr to be returned? Question: I married and later on I discovered my wife has psychological problem. Her other sister are ok. They only agree to have MEHR_Missal at that time (as I do not about her problem). I already give her MEHR. Under such condition what MEHR suppose to be. I feel is a total fraud. Is Mehr suppose to be justified again? Although, I am on terrible road of marriage life. It is probably possible that (if there is a separation) she can use that same MEHR money against me by hiring good lawyer and get most out of the USA law (against me). What I can do in this situation? Jazakallah Khair! 244

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Refer to a sharee’ah judge (qaadi) if there is any qaadi there. If not, then if the man has consummated the marriage with the woman, the mahr must be given to her because of having had intercourse with her. As for this sickness, if it prevented him from consummating the marriage or put him off from doing that properly, then whatever was paid to the one who tricked him into this marriage should give it back, if he was tricked. If that is not the case, then he does not deserve anything because he did not ask enough questions and find out information properly. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 3025: A Christian woman has the right to ask for a dowry from her Muslim husband Question: I am a Christian girl and I want to marry a Muslim boy. I am no longer a virgin and he knows about this. Is it right for me to ask for dowry from him even I am no longer chaste? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly, we would like to thank you for your question. 245

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Secondly, before we discuss the matter of your right to the mahr or dowry, we should discuss the matter of marriage itself. A Muslim man is permitted to marry a chaste woman from the People of the Book (see Question #689 and #2527), and she is judged according to her situation at the time of marriage: has she given up her former promiscuous, immoral ways or not? If she is chaste and pure, it is permissible for him to enter into a marriage contract with her, and in this case, the dowry is her undeniable right. In order to resolve the problem once and for all, we advise you to enter Islam, because Islam cancels out all previous sins and wrong deeds, so save yourself from the Fire of Hell and earn happiness in this world and the next. Once you have become Muslim there will be no element of doubt whatsoever concerning the validity of your marriage, and the problem to which you refer in your question will no longer be an issue at all. We ask Allaah to guide you and us, and to give you help and success. Peace be upon those who follow true guidance. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 2378: The mahr (dowry) is the right of the wife Question: Assalamualaikum, I would like to know the Islamic view point of Dowry. Is it permisible or is it a sin? If it is wrong, what should a person do who has taken dowry? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 246

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In Islam the mahr (dowry) is one of the rights of the wife, which is hers to take in total and is lawful for her, in contrast to the widespread practice in some countries, where the wife is given no dowry. Evidence that the wife must be given her dowry is found in many places, for example the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “And give to the women (whom you marry) their mahr (obligatory bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart…” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4] Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “This refers to the mahr (dowry).” Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, said, summarizing the comments of the mufassireen on this aayah: “The man must definitely pay the dowry to the woman, and he should not resent it.” Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But if you intend to replace a wife by another and you have given one of them a cantar (of gold, i.e., a great amount) as mahr, take not the least bit of it back; would you take it wrongfully without a right and (with) a manifest sin? And how could you take it (back) when you have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a firm and strong covenant?” [al-Nisaa’ 4:20-21] Ibn Katheer, may Allaah have mercy on him, said: “This means: if any one of you wants to divorce his wife and replace her with another, you should not take anything from what you have already given the first wife, even if it was a huge amount of wealth. The mahr is given in exchange for the right to enjoy marital relations. For this reason Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And how could you take it (back) when you have gone in unto 247

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each other…?” The “firm and strong covenant” is the marriage contract. Anas ibn Maalik, may Allaah be pleased with him, reported that ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and there were traces of yellow (perfume) on him. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked him about it, and he told him that he had just married a woman of the Ansaar. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked him, “How much did you give her?” He said: “Gold equal to the weight of one date stone.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Give a waleemah (wedding feast) even if only with one sheep.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4756). The mahr is the right of the wife, and it is not permitted for her father or anyone else to take it except with her approval. Abu Saalih said: “When a man married off his daughter, he would take her mahr away from her, but Allaah forbade them to do that, and gave women the right to the mahr they received.” (Tafseer Ibn Katheer). Similarly, if the wife foregoes any part of the mahr, the husband is permitted to take it, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allaah has made it lawful).” [al-Nisaa’ 4:4] And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 4 Transactions Marriage: Engagment 32668: How can a man know if a woman will be a loving and fertile wife before marriage? Question: It says in the hadeeth: “Marry women who are loving and fertile…” but how can a man know if a woman is loving and fertile before marriage?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have found a woman who is from a good family and is beautiful, but she does not bear children; should I marry her?” He told him not to. Then he came to him a second time and said something similar and he told him not to marry her. Then he came to him a third time and said something similar and he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2050; al-Nasaa’i, 3227; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) in Adaab al-Zafaaf, p. 132.

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There are two ways of knowing whether a woman will be fertile: 1 – By looking at her mother and sisters 2 – If she has been married before; that will be known from her previous marriage. Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeem Abaadi said in ‘Awn al-Ma’bood (6/33): Marry the one who is loving, means, the one who loves her husband; and the one who is fertile, is the one who bears a lot of children. It may be understood from this that if the one who is fertile is not loving, it is not recommended to marry her, and if the one who is loving is not fertile, then the purpose of marriage, which is to increase the numbers of the ummah by bearing many children, will not be achieved. These two qualities may be known in the case of virgins from their relatives, because relatives are usually similar, physically and in attitude, to one another. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 45668: Is what he did to find out about his fiancée correct? Question: I have a cousin (daughter of my maternal aunt) who seems to be religiously committed and of good character, but I do not know much about her personality and outlook on life, or how well we would get along. I used the internet as a means to get to know her, whilst being very careful to adhere to proper etiquette, especially since we come from a conservative family. Praise be to Allaah, I reached 250

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the decision to marry her in sha Allah, but it may take two years or more until I am ready, because I am still a student in the last year of university. My question is: Is what I did permissible? Especially since it went on for nearly a year, because the customs of marriage in our society do not allow one partner to get to know the character of the other until they get engaged, but after that if it becomes clear that the two are not compatible and they cancel the engagement, that will lead to problems and severing of family ties. I feel worried about what I did and I am afraid that it may be considered a sin or an act of treachery. It is permissible to continue our correspondence until I come and propose marriage to her?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible to correspond or converse with a nonmahram woman. If a man intends to propose marriage then he should follow the Islamically-prescribed means of doing so. If the woman whom he wants to marry is one of his relatives, then it should be more straightforward because either he will knows about her or he will be able to find out about her from the women of his own family. It is not possible for a man or a woman to find out about the real character of one another through correspondence and conversing before marriage, because neither of them will show anything but their best side. Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen was asked: If a man corresponds with a woman and they fall in love, is this regarded as a haraam action? 251

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He replied: This action is not permitted, because it provokes desire between them and makes them hope to meet and get in touch. This often leads to temptation and sows the seeds of zina in the heart, which leads to immoral actions or the things that lead to them. We advise all those who want to protect themselves to avoid corresponding and the like, so as to protect their religious commitment and their honour. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/578, 579 We have already stated that correspondence between the two sexes is haraam, in the answers to questions no. 26890 and 10221. It is permissible for the man who has proposed marriage to look at his fiancée, without being alone with her or shaking hands with her. So you could do the marriage contract and delay consummation of the marriage, so that your meeting with her will be acceptable according to sharee’ah, and during this period you could focus on getting to know her more and more. In the answer to question no. 7492 there is an important discussion of this matter. See also the answers to questions no. 7757, 2572 and 20069 to find out more about the limits of the relationship between a man and his fiancée. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 41693: She has committed haraam actions with her fiancé Question: I am a Muslim girl. I pray and I fear my Lord a great deal, 252

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but I have a problem. I know a person who came and proposed marriage to me. My father agrees but he always postpones the matter because of family reasons. We cannot be patient and the more time goes by, the more I find myself attached to him. He used to ask me to meet him often, and we have met more than once. We spoke together and kissed one another as if we were married, and even touched one another. I know that this is haraam and is wrong. Every time that happens I end up arguing with him and get angry with myself. I asked my Lord for forgiveness and I prayed Istikhaarah, asking whether this person is right for me or not. Every time I tell him that we should only meet in permissible ways, but then we make the same mistake. I want a solution. Please help me. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: You say in your question that you regularly observe the five daily prayers and that you fear Allaah a great deal. We hope that you will be fine, and we ask Allaah to make you steadfast in faith and in doing righteous deeds, and to keep evil and corruption far away from you. Secondly: Islam has blocked all the ways that may lead to committing immoral actions. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Come not near to Al-Fawaahish (shameful sins and illegal sexual intercourse) whether committed openly or secretly” [al-An’aam 6:151] 253

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“Coming near” implies doing something that may lead to those actions. Islam also warns against men mixing freely with women. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” They said: O Messenger of Allaah, what about the inlaw? He said: “The in-law is death.” Agreed upon. “In-law” refers to the husband’s relatives, his brothers, uncles, cousins, etc. Islam also warns us against being alone with a nonmahram woman. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a (nonmahram) woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present.” Narrated by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi and al-Haakim; al-Albaani said: It is saheeh. Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 2546. All of this is for the purpose of protecting people’s honour against committing immoral actions, and blocking all paths that may lead to the crime of zina (fornication, adultery). Thirdly: The fiancé is a “stranger” (non-mahram) to his fiancée until the marriage contract has been done. So your going out with this non-mahram man, kissing him, meeting him and the other things that you mention are all haraam. Fear Allaah and refuse to meet him until the marriage contract has been done, and be frank with him about that. See also questions no. 2572 and 23432. Fourthly: If this person sees that you are determined and righteous, this will make him more keen to marry you, because he will see that you have a strong personality and that you do not give in to your emotions. Who would not want his 254

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wife to have a strong personality and be keen to protect her honour? That will affect him and make him change his ways and become more righteous, and you will be the cause of that. Fifthly: Put your trust in Allaah and make a lot of du’aa’, especially at the times when prayers are answered. Be patient and remind yourself of that which Allaah has prepared for those who are patient, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning” [al-Zumar 39:10] Sixthly: We remind you that Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al Fahsha’ [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and AlMunkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allaah purifies (guides to Islam) whom He wills, and Allaah is All Hearer, AllKnower” [al-Noor 24:21] The Shaytaan gradually calls people to falsehood; before a Muslim commits zina, the Shaytaan draws him towards it by his being alone with a woman, and speaking to her, 255

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then kissing her, then meeting her in haraam ways, then the great evil which is zina – we seek refuge with Allaah. As the saying goes: A look, then a smile, then a greeting, then speaking, then an appointment, then a meeting. Seventhly: You should avoid blind trust in anyone. How many women and girls have said, “My fiancé is decent, he is not what people think”? Then they fell victim to their naïveté. So you should not think of him in a positive way, rather you should be extremely cautious and careful. Eighthly: You should think carefully about this husband and find out more about him, because he is going to be your life partner. Is he fit to be your life partner even though he has tried to do something haraam and persisted in that? Ninthly: Try to find out what obstacles and problems are making your father postpone this marriage, and talk to him about the matter. If you cannot address him directly, then you can bring in someone who has an influence over him, whether that is your mother or your brothers, or any person who has any status in your father’s eyes and can urge him to hasten to do the marriage contract and explain to him the danger of a woman being left without a husband, especially as she grows older, because the opportunity may not come again, and can remind him of the bad consequences if he is careless in this matter. Some guardians – may Allaah guide them – exaggerate about family problems, even simple ones, and make them an obstacle to proceeding with matters such as marriage; others may suffer as a result but they do not care about that or pay attention to their responsibilities. 256

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And finally: We ask Allaah to guide you to all that is good, and we ask Him to guide your fiancé and to make it easy for you to do that which pleases Him, for He is Able to do that. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his family and companions. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 33007: Her fiancé does not pray and deals with riba. Should she go ahead with the wedding? Question: I have become engaged to a young man who is of good character as far as I know, and he told me that he never misses prayers. But after we got engaged I found out that he does miss some prayers and fasts, and that he puts his money in a bank with riba (interest). But he tells me that he chose me to help him get rid of his bad deeds and sins, because he saw that I am religiously committed and I dress properly. Now I am wondering how I can help him with his religious commitment, and whether there will be any sin on me if I marry this person because I know that the one who does not pray is a kaafir. I thought of leaving him but the most hated of permissible things in the sight of Allaah is divorce. Now I have been engaged for a year and I have not been able to change anything in him, and I cannot leave him, and I do not think that I can live with anyone else. His is a good person but I do not know what to do. Please help me, may Allaah reward you with good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 257

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The one who does not pray at all is a kaafir as you mention, whether he does not pray because he denies that prayer is obligatory or because he is lazy. This is according to the more correct of the two scholarly opinions. Some of the scholars even said that one who delays an obligatory prayer until its time is over is a kaafir. It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (6/30) concerning the case of a woman who delays the prayers until their time is over and encourages her grown-up and small daughters to do likewise: “If her situation is as described, then she is an apostate who is corrupting her daughters and the daughters of her husband. She should be asked to repent, and if she repents and reforms, then praise be to Allaah. But if she persists in that, then her case should be referred to the ruler to separate her from her husband, and the hadd punishment should be carried out on her, namely execution, because of the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever changes his religion, kill him.” This is if she delays the prayers until their time is over, such as delaying ‘Asr until the sun goes down, or delaying Fajr until the sun rises, because delaying them until the time is over with no legitimate shar’i excuse comes under the same ruling as not praying.” Based on this, it is not permissible for you to marry this young man no matter how nice his character. What good character can be left after abandoning prayer and dealing in riba?! So long as he has not repented from that and the signs of righteousness have not appeared in him, then you should reject his proposal of marriage. If the marriage contract has already been done then you should tell him that the contract is not valid because he does not pray and it is not 258

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permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir. But if he repents and prays regularly on time, then you must make a new marriage contract with him, because the first contract was not valid. Do not be deceived by his words and promises. If he does not keep his word during the engagement period, then do not expect him to keep his word after that. Your saying that you cannot leave him is a trick of the Shaytaan. Rather you can do that, by putting your trust in Allaah and seeking what is with Him, and because of your fear of falling into that which is haraam. It is not right for a kaafir to be the husband of a Muslim woman under any circumstances. It seems from your question that the marriage contract has been done, because you say that the most hated of permissible things in the sight of Allaah is divorce, but at the end of your question you mention engagement. If the marriage contract has not yet been done, then we would remind you that the fiancé is a non-mahram for his fiancée and it is not permissible for him to be alone with her or to see any part of her, or for her to speak to him in an alluring voice or to speak to him needlessly. All that is permissible at the time of engagement is for him to see of her that which will encourage him to marry her, without being alone with her. The best advice we can give you is to fear Allaah in private and in public, and to pray to Allaah to bless you with a good and righteous husband. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

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26744: Marrying a woman who is not chaste Question: I am in state of confusion. I am engaged, i love my fiancee however before engage, she used to act like Canadian girls which i knew but smoked cigarette etc while she was in high school I did not know. When we got engaged she told me that she loved and was crazy about this guy but never had a boyfriend, she used to hung around with rougth bad and black guys just like friends and she is virgin, she escaped so many school days and the reason is that she used sat with friend in the back of school or in their house watching Indian movies and used smoke because her friend led her to this path. HOwever, she stopped everything after we got engaged. But I did not liked these things she said and i start disliking her little by little because i thought she is lying to me. The quesiton is i always thougth to myself that a girl like her being so open to guys, wearing open cloths and her parenth did not care much how come she would not have a boyfriend(in this easthern society)it is impossible. As a result, everyday i start to hate(dislike) her and we had alot of fights. As a result, i used to worked in a restaurant and there, i meet a girl and right after a week i sleep with her for one night, i don’t know how it happened but it did. I repent for my bad deeds because i see my fiancee is very sincere to me after we have engaged. My question is brother, what should i do, how i could solve this issue in my life. I really need help?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If the women was as you describe before you got engaged, 260

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then it is not permissible to marry her unless she repents sincerely for the sake of Allaah, not for the purpose of getting engaged to you. If you see that she has repented and regrets what she did, and that she is serious about keeping away from non-mahram men and avoiding being alone with them, then it is permissible for you to marry her. My advice to you is to look for a righteous and chaste women, for a righteous wife will bring you happiness in this world and will be one of the means of your salvation in the Hereafter, because she will one day be the mother of your children, and she will guard your honour and your wealth, and in that way there will be the love, compassion and tranquility that form the basis of marital happiness. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy” [al-Room 30:21] The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women are married for four reasons: wealth, beauty, lineage and religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3/ 242; Muslim, 2/1086. According to another hadeeth: “This world is temporary pleasures and the best of the temporary pleasures of this world is a righteous wife.” Narrated by Muslim, 2668. With regard to what you mention about what happened with that other girl, praise be to Allaah for having enabled you to repent. This is the bounty of Allaah towards you. You have to strive to control yourself and avoid the things which lead to such serious consequences. 261

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We wish to point out that repentance must be for the sake of Allaah, not for the sake of your fiancée and so that she will be sincere towards you. So we advise you to renew your repentance and to pray for forgiveness and to make a promise to Allaah not to do such a thing again. I also offer the following advice, and hope that Allaah will benefit you thereby: 1 – Lower your gaze and do not look at that which Allaah has forbidden. 2 – Keep yourself busy with reading Qur’aan and hadeeth, stories of the righteous, the scholars and ascetics. 3 – Beware of being alone with women who are not mahrams. 4 – Keep company with righteous people who will help you with religious and worldly matters. 5 – Beware of listening to music and songs, for they are a means that lead to zina. 6 – Strive to offer prayers regularly with the Muslims, and strive to observe all the essential parts of prayer with proper focus and humility, and having wudoo’, for it keeps one away from evil actions, and those who observe regular prayer are the ones who will succeed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Successful indeed are the believers. Those who offer their Salaah (prayers) with all solemnity and full submissiveness” [al-Mu’minoon 23:1] May Allaah help us and you to do all that is good, and may He make things easy for you. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

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33710: She wants to work and her fiance says no Question: I have been engaged since the last 3 years. But over the years, me and my fiance have developed some differences. Even though most of them are of minor nature, but there is one problem that always leads to an altercation between us, and that is the issue of me doing a job after marriage. My finace insists that its forbidden in Islam that a woman does a job only because she wishes to, and not out of need. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: It is essential to point out that this sister says that she has been “engaged” for three years, and it seems that she sits with her fiancé and speaks with him, and maybe he is alone with her, and she says that she has argued with him about her working after “marriage”. It has become common for engaged couples to speak together and go out together before the marriage contract is done. This is undoubtedly haraam, for the man who proposes marriage is allowed only to look at his fiancée; it is haraam for him to be alone with her and shake hands with her, because she is still a stranger (non-mahram) to him, but Islam allows him to look at her so that he can be certain that he wants to marry her. Some people call the husband who has done the marriage contract with his wife but has not yet consummated the

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marriage the “fiancé”. If this is the case in your situation, then you are husband and wife and your husband has the right to shake hands with you, be alone with you and travel with you. But if the marriage contract has not yet been done, then these meetings are haraam. Secondly: The woman’s role which befits her and is appropriate for her is for her to stay in her house and take care of the house and look after her husband and children, if Allaah blesses them with children. This is important work that is not insignificant. With regard to working outside the house, this does not suit women’s nature in principle, but if she needs to do that then she may do the kind of job that is most closely suited to her nature, whilst adhering to Allaah’s commands to cover herself, lower her gaze and not mix with men in a haraam way, etc. Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It is well known that for a woman to go out and work in men’s fields leads to blameworthy mixing and her being alone with them. This is a very serious matter that leads to bitter consequences. It goes against the texts of Islam that command women to stay in their houses and do the work that suits the nature that Allaah has given them, which keeps them away from mixing with men. The sound evidence clearly indicates that it is forbidden to mix with non-mahram women and to look at them, and it forbids the means that lead to falling into that which Allaah has forbidden. There is a great deal of clear evidence that definitively shows that the mixing which leads to bad consequences is forbidden. For example, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves 264

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like that of the times of ignorance, and perform AsSalaah (IqamatasSalaah), and give Zakaah and obey Allaah and His Messenger. Allaah wishes only to remove ArRijs (evil deeds and sins) from you, O members of the family (of the Prophet), and to purify you with a thorough purification. And remember (O you the members of the Prophet’s family, the Graces of your Lord), that which is recited in your houses of the Verses of Allaah and AlHikmah (i.e. Prophet’s Sunnah legal ways, so give your thanks to Allaah and glorify His Praises for this Qur’aan and the Sunnah). Verily, Allaah is Ever Most Courteous, WellAcquainted with all things”[al-Ahzaab 33:33-34] “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allaah is Ever OftForgiving, Most Merciful” [al-Ahzaab 33:59] “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is AllAware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts) and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer palms of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover, apron), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their bodies, faces, necks and bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers…” [al-Noor 24:30-31] 265

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The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Beware of entering upon women” – meaning nonmahram women. It was said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what do you think about the in-laws?” He said, “The inlaw is death.” The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also forbade being alone with a nonmahram woman under any circumstances, and said, “The third one present is the Shaytaan.” And he forbade women to travel except with a mahram, so as to ward off the means that may lead to evil and to close the door to sin, and to protect both parties from the snares of the Shaytaan. Hence it was narrated in a saheeh report that he said, “Beware of this world and beware of women, for the first fitnah (trial) that befell the Children of Israel had to do with women.” And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I am not leaving behind me in my ummah any fitnah that is more harmful for men than women.” Thus the verses and ahaadeeth clearly state that it is obligatory to keep away from the mixing that leads to evil, disintegration of families and the destruction of societies. When we look at the situation of women in some Muslim countries we will see that they have lost their dignity because of their going out of their homes and having to work in fields that are not theirs. Wise people in these countries and in the west have said that it is essential for women to go back to their natural position for which Allaah has prepared them physically and mentally, but it is too late (for them). In the fields of work that women can do in their homes and in teaching and other suitable fields, there are plenty of jobs which mean that they have no need to work in men’s fields. From al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz wa Muwaafaqatuhu alThaabitah, no. 22. 266

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Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said: The fields of work that are open to women are those in which women specialize, such as girls’ education, whether this is a administrative or technical work; or working in her home sewing clothes for women, and so on. With regard to working in fields in which men specialize, it is not permissible for women to work in these fields because that requires mixing with men, which is a great fitnah (trial, temptation) that we must beware of. It should be noted that it is proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I am not leaving behind me in my ummah any fitnah that is more harmful for men than women.” So men should keep their wives away from the things that lead to fitnah, by all means possible. Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/981. We hope that the sister who asked this question will also look at the answers to the following questions for more information: no. 6666, 1200 and 22397. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 20744: Should she refuse marriage to someone who has a bad past? Question: I am a moderate muslim, I practise my faith to the best of my ability, which means no drink, smoke, drug, clubbing, freely socialising with the opposite sex... I am a stage my parents want me to get married. But I am finding it difficult 267

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to say yes to anyone of the proposals because they have all had some kind of relationship or been clubbing etc in the past..... Most people say they have changed and so forth, but i tend to think, these actions have ramifications in the future..... Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Islam is all moderation. Adherence to the teachings of Islam, doing the obligatory duties and avoiding the things that are forbidden are not optional for the Muslim, because these are things that Allaah has enjoined upon him. There is so much confusion nowadays that a person who avoids some haraam things and does some obligatory duties is regarded as being over-strict and stubborn. Undoubtedly this is because the people have deviated from correct understanding of Islam and because they indukge so much in sin and neglect the obligatory duties prescribed in sharee’ah. We appreciate your keenness to adhere to the teachings of Islam in a society such as the one in which you are living. You should note that what you are doing is an action that is beloved by Allaah and by His believing friends, and that it is something which is hated by the devils among mankind and the jinn. Your keenness to find a righteous husband is in accordance with teachings of Islam on choosing and marrying a spouse, but you should not reject a person who is known for his good character and religious commitment because of his past. If a person has repented, his past should not be a source of shame and he should not be rejected if he 268

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comes seeking marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin at all.” Narrated by alTirmidhi and classed as hasan by al-Albaani. But if he has a past record of sin and it is not known whether he had given it up, in such a case you cannot be sure of his morals or religious commitment, so he cannot be accepted as a marriage partner. It is not enough for a person to tell his fiancée or her guardians that he has changed and has given up the bad and immoral things that he used to do; his word cannot be accepted and believed until there is the certainty that he is telling the truth or that he has definitely given up those bad things. Strive to choose a righteous man even if he has a past and do not reject him. Reject everyone who is known to have a bad past and has not given it up, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told men: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, or her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466). This applies also to women, i.e., a woman should not accept anyone but a man who is religiously committed and of good character. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you to marry (your daughter) one who with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (tribulation) in the land and widespread corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 866. It says in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi: The phrase “if there comes 269

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to you to marry (your daughter)” means if he comes to ask to marry a woman from among your children or relatives. “One with (whom) … you are pleased” means you think well of him, and are pleased with his religious commitment. “His character” means his attitude and how he deals and interacts with others. “Then marry (your daughter) to him, for if you do not do that” means, if you do not marry (your daughter) to one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, and you are only concerned with lineage, beauty and wealth, “there will be fitnah (tribulation) in the land and widespread corruption” i.e., great corruption, because if you will only marry her to someone who is wealthy or of high status, most of your womenfolk may remain without husbands, and most of your men will remain without wives, so there will be a lot of temptation to commit zina, and perhaps the guardians may feel that their honour has been violated (because of zina), so there will be a lot of tribulation and corruption, which will result in illegitimacy and a lack of righteousness and chastity. Some of the Sahaabah were mushriks, then they entered Islam and became good Muslims, and they got married, and were not rejected because of what they had done in the past. What matters is what a man is adhering to now, so long as he has repented from whatever he has done in the past. We ask Allaah to make it easy for you to find a righteous husband and have righteous children. Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the worlds. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)

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22003: His son got to know a girl through chat rooms, and he wants to marry her Question: My adult son who is twenty-one years old got to know a girl in another city through chat rooms. They kept in touch through the chat rooms, then he spoke to her on the phone and he liked her and she liked him. The relationship between them developed over a number of months until they agreed to marry, knowing that – according to what he tells me – they have not met. Then he asked me to arrange his marriage to this girl, but at first he did not make it clear to me that he had gotten to know her through chat rooms. At first he went to his paternal aunt who has a job and spoke to her confidentially, and he asked her to say that she knew this girl through one of her female colleagues at school and to get in touch with the girls’ mother and tell her that his family was keen to get to know them with a view to arranging a marriage with one of their womenfolk. His aunt indeed did that, but I absolutely refused to agree to his request to marry her for a number of reasons: 1 – The way in which he got to know this girl was not Islamically acceptable. 2 – He does not know a lot about how she really is. All that he knows about her is through telephone calls only. 3 – He lied to me at first, and went to his aunt about a sensitive subject which should have been kept secret even from the closest of people until arrangements were complete, then it could be announced to others. 4 – We – praise be to Allaah – are a conservative family, and this way of getting in touch with a girl is not in 271

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accordance with our principles and values, let alone our traditions and customs. To sum up, I am very confused about this matter, because now it is affecting his university studies and he has become withdrawn. Please note that he was previously a high-achieving student. Every time we try to tell him to forget about this matter and to focus on his studies, he insists that if we agree to let him marry this girl it will make him happy again, and that we will accept this girl and like her. What is your opinion on this confusing problem?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. This problem – and many others – confirm the truth of what many daa’iyahs and reformers are saying about the necessity of being careful about how our sons and daughters are using the internet, and to beware of entering conversations between men and women in chat rooms, because of the very real fitnah (temptation] to which that may lead, with subsequent contact and meetings. Undoubtedly your son made a mistake by forming this relationship with a non-mahram woman who is not permissible for him. He made a mistake by lying to you and by discussing this matter with his aunt. But we do not agree with the idea of refusing his marriage to this girl, especially if you think that your son is deeply attached to her. That is for the following reasons: 1 – Not every girl who acts in this manner can be judged to be deviant, badly brought up or of bad manners and attitude. This may have been a mistake on her part, as in the case of your son. 272

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2 – What is happening to your son now, with his wanting to be alone and his falling behind in his studies may be because of intense love for this girl on his part. In such cases it may be that the only efficient remedy is for him to marry the one whom he loves. According to a hadeeth narrated by Ibn Maajah (1847), “There is nothing better for two who love one another than marriage.” (This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah). 3 – The fact that your son does not know much about the attitude and character of this girl may be dealt with by asking about her and finding out more about her background. Hence we think that you should hasten to find out about this girl and her family. If her character is not good, then this will convince your son to stop thinking about her. But if, after thoroughly investigating the matter, you like what you find out about her and her family, then there is no reason why your son should not marry her, rather this will be the best remedy for him and for her. This suggestion applies if you feel that he is strongly attached to her and is keen to marry her, as referred to above. But if it is simply the matter of an idea that has occurred to him, and it is not the matter of love or deep attachment, and you hope that he will forget about her, then be firm in your refusal and help him to look for a woman who has good manners and is religiously committed and chaste. There are so many righteous and chaste women who have never had anything to do with men and have never faced temptation. Turn to Allaah and ask Him to guide you, and seek His help by praying Istikhaarah concerning all the matters in which you want to take a decision. 273

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And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 23432: Intercourse and masturbation with one’s fiancee Question: I have a young friend who had excepted the Islamic faith some time ago. Prior to excepting his new Faith he was sexually active with his girlfriend. After excepting his new Faith he would masterbate to relieve him of his sexual tensions. I advised him that masturbating was forbidden as well. Now he is engaged to be married in a couple of years and him and his Fiance have sex and masterbate for each other. The reason for the delay in the marriage is that they are financially unstable at this point. He wants to know if masterbation and intercourse is permisble under these circumstances and if they are not what can he do to remedy this? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We praise Allaah for having blessed your friend and guided him to Islam, as we ask Allaah to make him steadfast in adhering to it until death. He has succeeded in attaining the greatest achievement in life, which is coming forth from the darkness of kufr and shirk to the light of Islam and guidance, and the worship of Allaah alone with no partner or associate. Whatever blameworthy former customs are left, it will be easy for him to give them up in sha Allaah, if he seeks the help of Allaah, because whoever gives up the religion that he grew up in and enters the true religion, it will become easy for him 274

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to give up the habits that he was accustomed to during his jaahiliyyah. The secret habit (i.e. masturbation) is a disease which harms the one who does it. See question no. 329, 12277. So he has to give up this bad habit and follow the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said, “ Young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering one’s gaze and guarding one’s chastity. Whoever cannot afford that, then let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065; Muslim, 1400). With regard to his question about having sex with his fiancée – if what he means by fiancée is the woman with whom he has made a marriage contract according to sharee’ah, then whatever sexual activities he does with her are correct, good and halaal. But if he is referring to a woman to whom he has proposed marriage but has not yet made a marriage contract, then what they are doing is haraam and is a kind of zina (fornication or adultery) and evil action, and both of them have exposed themselves to the wrath and punishment of Allaah. The fact that he is financially unable to get married does not justify doing the things that he has done with his fiancée, if he had not made a proper marriage contract with her. It should be noted that the fiancée is considered to be a stranger (non-mahram) to the fiancé, like any other non-mahram woman, so it is not permissible for him to be alone with her, or for her to masturbate him with her hand, or for him to kiss her, or for him to speak to her unless that is for a specific purpose and from behind a screen and without any feelings of desire. See question no. 8994. The solution in this case is for him to do the marriage 275

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contract with her, because if he does the marriage contract with a woman it is then permissible for him to do everything with her, as she has now become his wife, even if the wedding party has not yet taken place. See question no. 13886. It is also permissible for a husband to be masturbated by his wife’s hand. See question no. 826. If he is not able to get married, then he has to be patient, as stated above. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 21566: Should he ask whether his fiancée is a virgin? Question: Although it may not be respectful, is there anything wrong in asking a future wife-to-be whether she is a virgin or not? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If there is some doubt concerning a (future) wife’s chastity, then you have the right to find out, but if you do not have any doubts, there is no need for this, because it may generate hatred and enmity, and be a reason for a lack of peace of mind. Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr. (www.islamqa.com) 276

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11618: How should he tell her that he wants to marry her? Question: I was recently informed of this site, ma’shallah. What is the correct way to approach a sister whom you intend to marry ? I’ve known this sister my entire life, in the same regard as my own blood sister and recently it was brought to my attention that she would be a perfect candidate for marriage. I believe she respects me, but I am unsure if she can accept me as her spouse. How can I know ? And what is the correct, halal way to approach ? I have nothing but the best intentions, yet my entire life I always felt I would marry her, yet out of respect I have never approached. My father and aunt (my mother has passed, allah yarham ha) are very fond of her and encourage me to pursue her, since they know her and her family extremly well. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If a man feels that his heart is inclined towards a particular woman, he should follow the way that is permitted in Islam, which is marriage. If a person intends to marry a woman, he has to propose marriage to her through her wali (guardian), who is her father if he is alive, or one of her other close relatives. It is not permissible for a man to propose marriage to a woman who is not his mahram through ways that are not permissible according to sharee’ah, such as getting to know her or meeting her frequently or getting in touch with her often and speaking on the phone; these are means through which Iblees causes people to sin and which lead to regrettable consequences. It is not permissible for a person to justify his relationship 277

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with a girl by saying that she is like his sister and other silly excuses. You have to follow the proper channels as prescribed in Islam to marry this woman. When you propose marriage, it is o.k. if you try to win her over by giving her a gift through her wali. We ask Allaah to give us and you strength and to keep us away from haraam things. And Allaah is the Source of strength. See also question no.2572. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 7738: Is it permissible to refuse a good Muslim for personal reasons? Question: Is it considered a sin to refuse to marry a good muslim man for personal reasons, i.e. doesn’t like him? What are the bad consequences of such an action, on a personal level and in general, if there are any? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. No, this is not considered to be a sin, because Islamic says that personal conviction has its role to play in marriage. (A woman may not like a man because of something in his appearance, and she is not sinning if she refuses his offer of marriage), but if you fear that you may miss the boat or that you may not receive a similar offer, then put your feelings aside, use your common sense and hasten to get married. 278

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From the answer of Shaykh Ibraaheem al-Khudayri. If a woman follows her whims and desires by rejecting a man who is religiously-committed and has a good attitude, she may be punished by remaining a spinster (i.e., unmarried). May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 21973: He has contacted her several times saying that he wants to propose marriage, but she does not know anything about him Question: I am a Muslimah, age XXX, from XXX. I accepted Islam 8 years ago when I was 16, Alhamdu lillah. For all of those years, I wanted so much to be a Muslim wife and mother, but since I live in a very small Muslim community (XXX), this did not happen. A month ago I sent out my resume to find work in an Islamic school in a large Islamic community. The imam of an Islamic center in Florida left several messages on my answering machine. Days later, a brother called from the same masjid and said that he had lived in America for 10 years (he is originally from Saudi Arabia) and was looking for a wife. He is over thirty. He said that he wanted to marry me after he read my resume. (The imam gave him my resume since he knew he was looking for a wife.I was a college student of Islamic Studies. 279

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I live with my mother who is a Muslim, but I have no male Muslim relatives. I do not know any Muslims in Florida either. This brother has continued to call me and talk to me while my mother is nearby and he also spoke with my mother and told her that he wanted her permission to marry me. I want very much to get married In Sha’ Allah, but I am very worried. I feel very vulnerable because I do not have a Muslim male relative who can check this brother out. Sadly I have heard of brothers who come to America and date women for years, or are involved in other bad activities. I am worried about this. He has talked a lot about his love for Islam and da’wah. He says he is so happy that I have a Muslim mother and he wants me to support me if we get married and possibly move to Saudi Arabia. But I was worried also because he said that he has had a beard most of the time, but has on occasion shaved it off. This concerns me because I know keeping the beard is important and is Sunnah. The most important quality for me in a husband is both his belief and practice of Islam. Books I have read on Islamic marriage say that you will never find a perfect spouse, but to look for their religiousness. How do I know if this brother is good or not? How do I know if he is really committed to islam? What should I look for? Please help, In Sha’ Allah. I just submitted a question and wanted to add something extra: the brother who wants to marry me has been calling me every day, sometimes twice a day. Also, he has never seen me either in person or in photograph, but still seems certain he wants to marry me. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 280

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The way in which this man has been behaving with you is to be considered wrong, especially his talking to you every day. You should avoid that and your mother should ask him to stop it. If he is sincere in his desire to marry you then he should behave in the manner prescribed in sharee’ah, by approaching your wali (guardian) to propose marriage to you. If you do not have a Muslim wali, then your wali is the Muslim ruler in the land where you live. If there is no Muslim ruler, then the wali is a person to whom other Muslims refer, or one who is influential among them, in the place where you live, such as the director of the Islamic center or the imaam or khateeb. He should check him out and find out how fit he is to be a good husband or otherwise. With regard to the things that you should look for in a husband, you will find the answer to that under question no. 5202. You can also refer to question no. 389 and no. 2127 to find out the conditions of a wali for a Muslim woman. We ask Allaah to make it easy for you to find a righteous man who will help you to obey your Lord… Ameen. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 13791: He wants to talk to a woman before he proposes marriage to her Question: I have never spoken to her, and generally do not speak to women. We sometimes exchange salams. How do I propose to her and approach her for marriage, 281

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since I am a practising muslim, and do not talk to sisters what is the best way? Should I go and speak to her and get to know her first, without stepping beyond the boundaries of Allah? or shall I propose straight away? I am afraid that because she does not really know me, and that we are from different cultural backgrounds I will be rejected instantly if I propose straight away without getting to know her first. Whilst on the other hand I fear that I am doing something Un-islamic If I talk to her and get to know her. I am in a difficult situation what is the best thing to do? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Note that it is permissible for a man to speak to a nonmahram woman, subject to important guidelines and conditions, the purpose of which is to prevent fitnah and sin. These conditions include : 1- That it is not possible to speak to her through one of her mahrams or through a woman who is his mahram. 2- That should be done without being alone with her (khulwah). 3- That should not go beyond permissible topics. 4- There should be no fitnah (temptation). If his desire is stirred by talking to her or if he starts to enjoy it, then it is haraam. 5- The woman should not speak in a soft manner, 282

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6- The woman should be wearing full hijaab and be modest, or he should speak to her from behind a door. It is better if they speak on the phone, and even better if they communicate via letters or e-mail, for example. 7- That should not go beyond what is necessary. If these conditions are met and there is no fear of fitnah, then it is o.k. And Allaah knows best. Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan said, in his answer on the ruling about young men speaking to young women on the telephone: “It is not permissible for young men to speak to young women because of the fitnah involved, unless the girl is engaged to the man who is talking to her, and they talk only about matters pertaining to their engagement; but it is preferable and safer for him to speak to her guardian about that.” (al-Muntaqa min Fataawa al-Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan, 3/163, 164). You have not proposed to this girl yet, so you have to be very careful and avoid exposing yourself to the causes of fitnah by taking all possible precautions to achieve your goal without approaching this girl. The basis for this is two aayahs from the Book of Allaah: 1 – “O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner” [al-Ahzaab 33:32 – interpretation of the meaning] 2 – “And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts” [al-Ahzaab 33:53 – interpretation of the meaning] 283

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Finally I would like to remind you that the Muslim’s standards when choosing a wife should be the standards encouraged by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: “Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper].” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466). And I warn you against everything that may lead you into doing haraam things or bring you close to that, such as being alone with her, going out with her, etc. I ask Allaah to make it easy for you to find a woman who will help you to obey Him. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 22453: She has received a marriage proposal from a person who has some shortcomings which she is trying to deal with and discuss Question: I am in need of some scholarly advice about a personal situation that I am facing presently. I have recently received a marriage proposal and have prayed Salat-ulistikhara, however I never seem to receive any clear signs or indications about what to do. This has happened to me in many situations and the same is happening now too. I am a practising Muslim but obviously have flaws as all of us do have. I have a thirst for knowledge of the deen and am currently working on myself as a Muslims and acquiring sacred knowledge at the same time. What I look and hope for in a partner is a role model who is beyond 284

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me and someone who can help me in becoming a better person. Someone who loves and lives for Allah swt and who I can turn to for knowledge and who will be a good companion for me. The current proposal has many good qualities, except a few things that are concerning me. Firstly we are on a slightly different level of speaking, ie. Although he is a graduate he is not extremely intellectually spoken (I suppose this is something I should overlook). Secondly he has been practising for less time than me and therefore I feel he has less knowledge than me, which I find an of put as I feel he should be my guide not vice versa. However he does have a thirst for knowledge and does study the deen and also wishes to take out a year or so to go abroad and study the deen (which is what I also want to do). Apart from these two issues I feel we are compatible in many other ways. We have the same vision in life. Whilst paying Salat-ul-Istikhara I am getting no clear sign, except at times I get a tight feeling in my heart at times, which puts me off, but then I also think I should go for this as he has many good qualities. Im not sure as to what to do and am really confused, I dont know what this feeling in my heart means. I have met him once and there will be another meeting this Friday, but I dont want to lag it on any longer than necessary as it is playing with peoples emotions. Please get back to me with a reply soon as I really need some advice, especially regarding my Istikhaara as it is confusing me. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The basic principle is that if a woman receives a marriage proposal from a man whose religious commitment, attitude and trustworthiness are satisfactory, then she should accept, so long as there is not another offer from 285

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one whose attitude and religious commitment are better. So if the one who has proposed marriage to you meets these criteria, and he is keen to learn more about Islam as you say, then this is a good sign. But if the shortcomings to which you refer in your question are major sins or sins in which he is persisting or committing openly, then we advise you to wait for someone better, so long as there is no risk of you doing something haraam or exposing yourself to greater fitnah (temptation). Secondly: It is not necessary in the case of istikhaarah to feel something specific afterwards. Rather if you consult people and think deeply about the matter, and it becomes clear to you that this matter will be beneficial both in religious and worldly terms, then you should pray istikhaarah and go ahead, and not wait for a sign or a dream or a feeling. You should rather put your trust in Allaah and go ahead after praying istikhaarah. You will find a detailed answer concerning istikhaarah and its rulings in Question no. 5882. Thirdly: Beware of being alone or of uncovering in front of this man who is still a non-mahram to you. In the answer to question no. 12182 you will find a detailed answer to your question regarding marriage proposals and sitting with and meeting the one who has proposed marriage to you. Please refer to this question. Fourthly: Your wish concerning what you hope to find in a husband, meaning that he lives for the sake of Allaah, is a great wish, and we hope that Allaah will grant you that. But you should know that a righteous woman is one of the greatest means that will help a man in this regard, by 286

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helping him and advising him, and encouraging him to do more, and patiently putting up with anything that affects her rights because of his being involved in doing righteous deeds. We ask Allaah to help you to do that which is good. Ameen. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 5960: a fiance to be alone with his fiancee Question: I live in the US alone my parents back in my country resently one muslim brother proposed me marriage, but the problem is thet he also doesn’t have anyone in the US So, he sais that we should know each other before marriage or engagement, and he insists on talking to me. I heared that wile seeing each other the third person from the family should be there, or at least the third person should be there. Is that true? And what if I talk to him alone, would it be considering zina? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. With regard to your question, it is not permissible at all for you to be alone with this man, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 287

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“No man and woman are alone together, but the Shaytaan is the third one present.” There is nothing wrong with talking to him from behind a screen, such as on the telephone, so long as this is done in a proper manner, with no suspicious talk and no fitnah (temptation), and as long as you do not overdo it (or talk too much). You should only talk as much as is necessary. With regard to his claims about the importance of knowing one another before marriage, this is not right. It is sufficient to ask some trustworthy people and to find out about the prospective partner so as to be certain and have peace of mind. We ask Allaah to make things easy for you and for him. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 10681: He is attracted to a woman who is engaged to someone else Question: A friend of mine proposed marriage to a woman and they have seen one another within the limits prescribed in Islam, but they have not yet gotten married. I was intending to propose to her; I had asked about her, and I liked her and had become very attracted to her, but he beat me to it. I cannot forget this woman. I know that it is not permissible to propose to her when a Muslim brother has already proposed, as it says in the hadeeth. Will it solve the problem if I ask his permission to propose 288

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marriage to this woman, and explain my situation to him and get his permission? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Yes, that will solve the problem because it says in the saheeh hadeeth that the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “None of you should propose to a woman when his brother has already proposed, until the first one gives up the idea of marrying her or gives him permission, then he may propose to her.” I asked Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) about this matter and this evidence, and his reply was in accordance with the apparent meaning of the hadeeth. (On this basis, if two men have proposed to her then she should decide which of them she wants to marry) Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 10196: What is the ruling on a father preventing his daughter from marrying who she wants? Question: Some fathers prevent their daughters from marrying someone who is compatible with them. What is the ruling on this? What is the daughters’ position?

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. This question was put to Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), who said: This is a serious issue and a major problem. Some men – we seek refuge with Allaah – betray Allaah and betray their trust, and cause problems for their daughters. The guardian is obliged to do that which pleases Allaah and His Messenger. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband)” – i.e., give your daughters in marriage – “and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maidservants (female slaves).” [al-Noor 24:32] The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your guardianship) to him, for if you do not do so, there will be tribulation and great mischief on earth.” Some people – we seek refuge with Allaah – make their daughter a commodity to be sold to whoever they want, and they prevent her from marrying whoever they do not want. So they marry their daughter to a man whose character and religious commitment are not pleasing, because that suits their whims, and they prevent her from marrying one whose character and religious commitment are pleasing, because that does not suit them. Would that we could reach the level where a woman whose father prevents her from marrying one whose character and religious commitment are compatible could 290

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go to the qaadi and he would tell her father, “Marry her to him or I or a guardian other than you will do so,” because a girl has the right, if her father prevents her from marrying someone, (and she complains to the qaadi). This is a right given by sharee’ah. Would that we could reach this level, but most girls are prevented by their shyness from doing this. Our advice to the father is still to fear Allaah and not to prevent her from marrying, because that may cause her to do something wrong and may lead to mischief. Let him ask himself, if he were prevented from marrying, what would happen to him? His daughter whom he prevented from marrying will become his opponent on the Day of Resurrection: “That Day shall a man flee from his brother, And from his mother and his father, And from his wife and his children. Every man that Day will have enough to make him careless of others” [‘Abasa 80:34-37 – interpretation of the meaning] Guardians, including fathers and brothers, must fear Allaah and not deny women their right to marry the one whose religious commitment and character is pleasing to them. Yes, if a woman chooses someone whose religious commitment and character are not pleasing, then he (the father or guardian) may prevent her from marrying him. But if she chooses a righteous man whose religious commitment and character are good, then he prevents her from marrying because of his own whims and desires, this is haraam, by Allaah, and it is a sin and a betrayal. If 291

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any mischief results from this, the sin will be on him (the father). Al-Liqa’ al-Shahri by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al‘Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com) 12182: She didn’t feel any interest in a person who wants to marry her; should she pursue the matter? Question: I would really appreciate a reply when time permits inshallah. I sat with a brother that is interested in marrying me. I felt disappointed and bad. Also, I had no feelings or enthusiasm to accept the brother. Mashallah he has excellent Deen and character. Everyone that knows him speaks highly of him. I guess my question is, how do you know you want to marry that person? Please answer this question inshallah. It is a tough one to find an answer to. Are you just sure? Is there a certain feeling? What if you just don’t feel anything for the person at all? (I am not speaking of desire.) Should you marry that person even if you don’t feel enthusiastic about marrying them? Also, I only sat with the brother once. Could my lack of enthusiasm be do to this fact? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your female relative) to him.” And he said, “Seek the one who is religious.” What is addressed to men includes women too. 292

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When you find a young man whose religious commitment, character and attitude you are pleased with, then you have to accept him as a husband. What will help a girl to do that is to ask about this man from those who know him well, because during short visits, and especially when one is seeking to get married, people are usually on their best behaviour and one sees little of a person’s true nature and character. Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh. A girl may also feel somewhat afraid when thinking of marriage to a person because it is such a life-changing matter. But this fear should not stop you from agreeing if he is religious and of good character. We would also draw your attention to the issue of your sitting with this person, which you mentioned at the beginning of your question. If the betrothed couple sit together in the presence of someone who will ensure that there is no khulwah [being alone together], and the woman wears hijaab as she wears for prayer (i.e., covering everything except the hands and face), for a length of time which is sufficient for both parties to make a decision, this is correct and is what is prescribed in Islam; if it is anything other than that, then beware… Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 7757: It is not permissible for a fiancé to be alone with his fiancée Question: Can muslim guy and girl could go out on a date before 293

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their marriage? If they do then what would be the consequences of that? What does Islam says about going out before marriage? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible for a man to be alone with a woman who is not his mahram, because that affords temptation to do immoral and evil actions. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a (non-mahram) woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present.” It is permitted to look at her when one has the intention of marriage, without being alone with her and in the presence of her father, brother, mother, etc., and looking at that which ordinarily appears of her, such as her face, hair, hands and feet. This is what is indicated by the Sunnah, so long as one is also free from the risk of fitnah (temptation). Shaykh Waleed al-Firyaan (www.islam-qa.com) 3938: She has received a marriage proposal from someone who drinks alcohol Question: Is it sinful to accept a proposal for marriage from a Muslim man who consumes alcohol on a social basis. I detest alcohol and think it is the root of all evil, but I have been approached with this proposal, but am hesitant because of this issue. Please advise. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 294

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Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood answered this question for us and said: It is better not to marry him, but if she does marry him, that is permissible. Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood (www.islam-qa.com) 4027: Picture of Internet fiancée Question: is it permissible for a woman to send her picture via the internet to her fiancé far away so that he can be certain as to whether he wants to go ahead and marry her, or not? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen: is it permissible for a woman to send her picture via the internet to her fiancé far away so that he can be certain as to whether he wants to go ahead and marry her, or not? He replied, may Allah preserve him, “I do not think that this is right. Firstly, because other people besides him may also look at it. Secondly, because a picture does not reflect reality completely. How often have people seen pictures then when they see the person or scene in real life they find that it is completely different. 295

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Thirdly, the fiancé may keep this picture, then change his mind about marrying her, but he still has the picture and can play about with it as he wishes. And Allaah knows best.” Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com) 8994: Ruling on engaged couple touching one another etc. Question: i searched through all the relevent sections but i could not find the answer for my question.so i am asking it here. i was engaged to my present wife. and during the engagement period (before Nikah) we used to meet and touch and kiss and fondle with each other.. etc . but we never committed an intercourse. and later on we married. now i came accross the ayat of sura Noor for which some scholars say that a couple who had committed Zinna with each other, then they can not marry each other. another related question is that in some parts of pakistan people use to renew their marraige contract (Nikah) without any sharee requirement. Is it permissible to renew ones Nikah if the earlier nikah is still valid. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The marriage contract is valid and it is no need from an Islamic point of view to renew it simply because of a doubt. But what is mentioned in the first part of the question, about kissing the woman during the engagement period – if this was before the marriage contract (‘aqd or 296

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nikaah), then it is haraam. The same applies to being stimulated manually by the woman. But if it was after the marriage contract then there is nothing wrong with kissing. With regard to adulterers marrying one another, there is nothing wrong with that, after waiting out an ‘iddah period and after both parties have repented. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Women impure are for men impure… and women of purity are for men of purity…” [al-Noor 24:26 - Yoosuf ‘Ali’ translation of the meaning]. Repentance is essential on the part of both, but it is not permissible to conclude the marriage contract until after the waiting-period and making sure that the woman is not pregnant as a result of zinaa. Once that has been established, there is no reason why they should not marry one another. In your case, as you describe it in the question, there is no need to repeat the marriage contract, but you must both repent to Allaah for the forbidden relationship which you engaged in before you were married. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 5503: Seeing a number of women for the purpose of marriage Question: I would like to know if we are allow to see many women for the purpose of marriage or do we have to see them one by one I mean if it’s not OK with the first one only I can go to see the second one. 297

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Looking at the woman to whom one wants to propose marriage has only been made permissible because of necessity, to be certain and put one’s mind at rest, and in order to follow the Sunnah, as mentioned in the hadeeth of al-Mugheerah and others. But four necessary conditions apply: The first is that one should be serious about marriage; the second is that the man and woman should not be alone; the third is that there should be no fear of fitnah (temptation); and the fourth is that it should not go beyond the limits set by sharee’ah, i.e., looking at what usually appears, which is what she shows to her father, brother and other mahrams. See Question #2572. On this basis, a man should not look at any woman except the one whom he seriously wants to marry. If he is pleased with her, (he should proceed with marriage), otherwise he should move on to another. And Allaah knows best. Shaykh al-Waleed al-Faryaan (www.islam-qa.com) 5343: He is afraid that he will offend his friend if he proposes to his sister Question: I am studying at University, and coming to the end of my degree next year, Inshallah! I have know a brother for a few years now, and we have know to love each for the sake of Allah (SWT). The brother has a sister, and I wish to propose to his sister for marriage, yet what is the Islamic ettiquette for proposing to this brother for his sister’s hand in marriage, as he is his sister’s walee?? I feel that he may be offended or angry, as she is precious to him? 298

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is no particular etiquette prescribed in sharee’ah for proposing marriage apart from the traditions and etiquette that are known in all lands, so long as they are in accordance with the sharee’ah. You want to marry your friend’s sister, but you do not know how he will react and are afraid that he may be angry, but you do not mention any reasons why he may be angry. Is it only because he loves his sister and she is dear to him? This is not an obstacle, for the one whose sister or daughter is dear to him will look for a good match for her, and this is a part of his sincerity towards her. If it is a different matter, such as traditions or pragmatic issues, then we cannot advise you without knowing what they are. You could consult with a knowledgeable person from your friend’s country who knows you and him, and who could advise you. Or you could approach your friend in an indirect manner, such as telling him that you want to get married and ask him who could offer you advice about women or ask him to tell you who knows about the Muslim women. Perhaps then you would see something of how he feels about this matter. Or you could tell him that you love him for the sake of Allaah, and explain your wishes by saying that this love could be strengthened and the tie made more lasting if you were to become brothers-in-law. So you could say, for example, “I wish I had a sister whom you could marry, or you had a (female) relative whom I could marry, so that we could always keep in touch.” Then wait 299

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and see his reaction; then you will know whether to take the matter further or not. If you are afraid of his reaction, you could ask someone else to bring up this topic, so as to spare yourself any embarrassment. And remember that du’aa’ is one of the most important means of achieving desired results. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah al-Haydari (www.islam-qa.com) 7492: She wants to go out with her fiance to make sure about him so that there will not be a disaster Question: i have a question thats bothering me alot for a while now..and i recently got divorce about a year now and i have no kids, its been a year now. my question is since i didnt’ knew the guy before i got married and i got married to hum coz my parents thought he was nice for me..now since it happened with me i thought it would be nice if i know somebody before i get married not in a sense of dating but just talking and knowing whether he is a right person or wrong.. the point is i dont’ want to hurt myself or end uplike this again so my question is does islam allows a girl to pick the guy and marriage i want some information regarding this.. i would appreciate your help Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Islam has prescribed asking the father’s permission when one wants to marry his daughter, whether she is a virgin or has previously been married. It is the girl’s right to have sufficient information about 300

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the person who wants to marry her. This may be achieved by enquiring about him through various channels, such as asking some of her relatives to ask his friends and those who know him well about him, because they may know a lot about his good and bad points which other people would not know about. But it is not permissible for her under any circumstances to be alone with him (khulwah) before marriage, or to take off her hijaab in front of him. It is well known that in such meetings the man does not show his true nature, but rather he is on his best behaviour and tries to make a good impression. Even if she were to be alone with him or to go out with him, he will not show her his true character. Many of those who go out with a fiancé in this sinful manner end up in tragedy and these sinful steps, whether they were taken in private or in public, do not bring any benefits. Often the fiancé will use sweet words and play with the emotions of his fiancée when he goes out with her, and he shows her his best side, but when she makes enquiries about him and tries to find out more about him, she will discover something entirely different. So going out with him or being alone with him does not solve the problem. Even if for the sake of argument we were to say that it does serve some purpose in finding out about the man’s character, the resulting sin and possibility of leading to bad consequences is far greater than that (potential benefit). This is why Islam forbids being alone with a strange (non-mahram) man – and the fiancé is still a stranger – or taking off one’s hijaab in front of him. We should not forget another important matter, which is that after the marriage ceremony (nikaah) and before the wedding night (when the marriage is celebrated and consummated), the woman has ample opportunity to get to know the man’s character up close and to make sure 301

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about him, because now it is permissible for her to be alone with him and to go out with him, so long as the marriage contract has been concluded. If she discovers something bad that she really cannot put up with, then she can ask him for Khul’ (divorce). But usually the outcome is not so bad, so long as one has made enquiries about the person and found out about him in a proper fashion before the nikaah. We ask Allaah to choose what is best for you and to make things easy for you wherever you are. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2572: Limits of looking at one’s fiancée and the ruling on touching her and being alone with her. Is her permission a condition of being allowed to look at her? Question: I read the hadiths about the prophet peace be upon him allowing the man to see the woman before deciding whether to marry her or not. My questions is, what exactelly is the person allowed to see exactelly? Is he allowed to see her hair (entire head) ? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Islam commands us to lower our gaze and forbids looking at non-mahram women. This is in order to purify people’s 302

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souls and protect their honour. There are, however, certain exceptions in which it is permissible to look at a nonmahram woman for reasons of necessity, one of which is in the case of proposing marriage, because it is the basis on which a very important decision affecting a person’s life will be taken. There are texts which indicate that it is permissible to look at one’s fiancée, as follows: From Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If one of you proposes marriage to a woman, if he can look at her to see that which will encourage him to go ahead and marry her, then let him do so.’ I proposed marriage to a young woman, and I used to hide where I could see her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.’” According to another report he said, ‘a young woman of Bani Salamah. I used to hide from her, until I saw that which encouraged me to go ahead and marry her, so I did so.” (Saheeh Abi Dawood, no. 1832, 1834) From Abu Hurayrah: “I was with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when a man came and told him that he had married a woman of the Ansaar. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, ‘Have you seen her?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Go and look at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansaar.” (Reported by Muslim, no. 1424; and by al-Daaraqutni, 3/253 (34)) From al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah: “I proposed marriage to a woman, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Have you seen her?’ I said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Look at her, because it is more fitting that love and compatibility be established between you.’” According to another report: “So he did 303

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that, and he married her and mentioned that they got along.” (Reported by al-Daaraqutni, 3/252 (31, 32); Ibn Maajah, 1/574) From Sahl ibn Sa’d (may Allaah be pleased with him): “A woman came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have come to give myself to you (in marriage).” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) looked at her closely, then he lowered his head. When the woman saw that he had not made a decision about her, she sat down. One of his Companions stood up and said, O Messenger of Allaah, if you do not want her, then marry her to me…’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 7/19; Muslim, 4/143; al-Nisaa’i, 6/113 bi Sharh al-Suyooti; al-Bayhaqi, 7/84) The sayings of the scholars on the extent to which one may look at one’s fiancée Al-Shaafa’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “If he wants to marry a woman, he is not allowed to see her without a headcover. He may look at her face and hands when she is covered, with or without her permission. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): ‘… and not to show off their adornment except only that which is apparent…’ [al-Noor 24:31]. He said: ‘The face and hands.’” (al-Haawi al-Kabeer, 9/34). Imaam al-Nawawi said in Rawdat al-Taalibeen wa ‘Umdat al-Mufteen (7, 19-20): “When (a man) wants to marry (a woman), it is preferable (mustahabb) for him to look at her so that he will have no regrets. According to another view, it is not preferable but it is allowed. The first view is correct because of the ahaadeeth, and it is permitted to look repeatedly, with or without her permission. If it is not easy to look at her, he may send a woman to check her out and describe her to him. A woman 304

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may also look at a man if she wants to marry him, for she will like in him what he likes in her. What is permissible for him to look at is the face and hands, front and back. He should not look at anything else.” Abu Haneefah permitted looking at the feet as well as the face and hands. (Bidaayah al-Mujtahid wa Nihayyat alMuqtasid, 3/10) “It is permissible to look at the face, hands and feet, and no more than that.” Ibn Rushd also quoted it as above. Among the reports from the madhhab of Imaam Maalik: He may look at the face and hands only. He may look at the face, hands and forearms only. A number of reports were narrated from Imaam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him), one of which says that he may look at the face and forearms. The second says that he may look at what usually appears such as the neck, calves and so on. This was quoted by Ibn Qudaamah in al-Mughni (7/454), Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah in Tahdheeb al-Sunan (3/25-26), and al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar in Fath al-Baari (11/ 78)… The reliable opinion in the books of the Hanbalis is the second opinion. From the above, it is clear that the majority of scholars say that a man is allowed to look at his fiancée’s face and hands, because the face indicates beauty or ugliness, and the hands indicate the slimness or plumpness (literally, ‘fertility’) of the body. Abu’l-Faraj al-Maqdisi said: “There is no dispute among the scholars that he is permitted to look at the face.. the focus of beauty and the place at which one looks.” 305

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Ruling on touching one’s fiancée or being alone with her Al-Zayla’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “It is not permissible for him to touch her face or hands – even if is sure that this will not provoke desire – because she is still haraam for him, and there is no need for him to do so.” In Durar al-Bihaar it says: “It is not permitted for the qaadi, the witnesses or the fiancé to touch her, even if they are sure that this will not provoke desire, because there is no need for that…” (Radd al-Muhtaar ‘ala’l-Durr al-Mukhtaar, 5/237) Ibn Qudaamah said: “It is not permitted for him to be alone with her, because she is forbidden and Islam only allows him to look, thus khulwah (being alone with her) remains forbidden, and because there is no certainty that nothing forbidden will take place if he is alone with her, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘No man is alone with a woman, but the Shaytaan is the third one present.’ He should not look at her in a lustful or suspicious manner. Ahmad said, in a report narrated by Saalih, ‘He may look at the face, but not in a lustful manner.’ He may look repeatedly, and examine her beauty, because the aim cannot be achieved in any other way.” The fiancée’s permission to look A man is permitted to look at the woman to whom he wishes to propose marriage, even without her permission or knowledge. This is what is indicated by the saheeh ahaadeeth. Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar said in Fath al-Baari (9/157): “The majority of scholars said: he is permitted to look at her if he wishes without her permission.” The hadeeth scholar Shaykh Muhammad Naasir al-Deen 306

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al-Albaani said in al-Silsilat al-Saheehah (1/156), supporting this view: “Similar evidence is seen in the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in the hadeeth, ‘Even if she does not know.’ This is supported by the actions of the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them), in accordance with the Sunnah, such as Muhammad ibn Muslimah and Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah, both of whom hid so as to see of their fiancées that which would encourage them to go ahead and marry them…” Note: Shaykh al-Albaani also said (op.cit., p. 156): “From Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him)” ‘The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) wanted to marry a woman, so he sent another woman to look at her and said, “Smell her mouth (front teeth) and look at the back of her ankles.” (Reported by al-Haakim, 2/166, who said it is saheeh according to the conditions of Muslim, and al-Dhahabi agreed with him. Also reported by al-Bayhaqi, 7/87. In Majma’ al-Zawaa’id (4/507) he said, ‘”Reported by Ahmad and al-Bazzaar, and the men of al-Bazzaar are thiqaat.”) In Mughni al-Muhtaaj (2/128) it says: “What we understand from this report is that the one who is sent may describe to the one who sends her more than that which he himself may see, so this sending achieves more than just looking.” And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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3307: Can a woman uncover her hair in front of her fiancé before the nikaah? Question: Is it permissible for a female to display her hair infront of her fiance before the Niqah? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If a man has seen enough of his fiancée, within the limits set by Islam, to enable him to decide whether to go ahead with the marriage or not, then it is not permissible for her to uncover any part of her body in front of him until after the nikaah. (See also question #2246 and #2572). And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 3215: Her parents do not want her to be alone with her husband until after the waleemah (wedding party) Question: Salam, I just recently had my Nikkah this past June. But the actual Rukhsati (giving away of the bride) will not take place until March because my husband is studying in a different state. 308

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When he comes and visits my parents get very upset if I spend too much time with him. They say it is inappropriate. They are constantly watching what we do. They get upset if I go out with him and come home late. My question is, What does Islam have to say about parent’s interfering in their child’s marriage? I respect my parents but yet they do not seem to repect my privacy? Am I being unreasonable? Any information that you can give on this matter will be greatly appreciated. Thank you. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If a man has completed the marriage contract (‘aqd nikaah) with a woman according to Islamic law, everything is permissible for him, he may look at her, be alone with her, enjoy physical contact with her, and so on, but his wife is not obliged to obey him and he is not obliged to spend on her until she submits herself to him, which according to the customs of most people nowadays happens after the waleemah or wedding party. Some mothers and fathers do not like their daughter to be alone with her husband between the ‘aqd (nikaah) and waleemah because they are afraid of some problem arising that may cause the break up of the marriage, and their daughter may then no longer be a virgin, or she may become pregnant, and if the waleemah is delayed her pregnancy will be obvious to people, or other situations which may cause embarrassment to the parents. Parents may have concerns of which their children may not be aware, and which a daughter may not see as important because she is so excited and happy about her new husband. Although it is permissible for the couple to enjoy physical contact after the nikaah is completed – even before the waleemah – they should respect their parents’ wishes and pay 309

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attention to their concerns. The husband should also understand their concerns and should remain content with family visits until things settle down, i.e., after the waleemah. We ask Allaah to hasten for you the good things that you want. And Allaah is the Source of help. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 2528: Marrying a man with a bad past Question: In the Name Of God Most Gracious and Merciful. Salam elkum. First I would really like to commend you on the substantial information you have provided to the public. May God reward you all on your efforts. I do realize that every single question cannot be answered directly. However, I have done a lot of research on this matter and still I have come up with no answers to my question. What makes it even more difficult is the lack of knowledge of Islam from my parents perspective. I was born in Canada and one of the very few young teenage girls fighting to learn more about Islam. Unfortunatly, there is still a lot I do not know about our religion, yet I work at it every day. Getting down to my problem, I am 19 years old and just got engaged to a Lebanese Muslim fellow. After getting engaged to this person I found out that in the past he has been with other girls and intimate relationships, before marriage. Of course, I realize that in our religon that is very wrong. Now I am left with the decision of whether 310

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to go ahead and get married to this person or not. I personally think that I shouldn’t be with a person who has done such things while my family says forgive and forget... However, I would like your opinion on this matter. Is it ideal and acceptable for someone like myself to marry a person of this nature even if it was his past. Thank you so much for your time . I would appreciate it if you had a chance to reply it would fill up so many unanswered questions but of course I fully understand if you cannot do so . It is very difficult for me to learn more about Islam sometimes books don’t fully answer my questions. Thanks again kindly for your time . Answer: Praise be to Allaah. First of all, may Allaah reward you with good for your kind words. We apologize for not answering questions in full. With regard to your question about this man who has asked for your hand in marriage, what you should concentrate on is the way he is now: is he doing his religious duties, like the five daily prayers, etc., is he keeping away from haraam things, has he repented for what he did in the past? Or not? If he is keeping his duty towards Allaah, then this is the good commitment to religion that is required according to the command of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “If there comes to you with an offer of marriage (for your daughter, sister, etc.) one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter, sister, etc, to) him. If you do not do so, there will be mischief on earth and widespread corruption.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1004; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 270) 311

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It is not permitted to bring up the past of a person who regrets it and has repented and given up his sin; rather, this should be covered up. “Whoever covers up his Muslim brother in this world, Allaah will cover him up in the Hereafter.” (A saheeh hadeeth reported by Imaam Ahmad; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 6287) But if a person is immoral and corrupt, and still has relationships from before, then you should never, ever agree to marry him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “The adulterer marries not but an adulteress or a mushrikah. And the woman who agrees to marry a mushrik or an adulterer, then she is either a prostitute or a mushrikah. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers.” [al-Noor 24:3] Ibn Katheer said, commenting on the phrase Such a thing is forbidden to the believers: “i.e., (it is forbidden for) a man to marry an immoral woman, or for a chaste woman to marry an immoral man. Hence Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal said that the marriage contract between a chaste man and an immoral woman is invalid, so long as she remains like this, unless she is asked to repent and she does so, in which case the contract becomes valid, otherwise it is not valid. Similarly, the marriage of a free, chaste woman to a promiscuous, immoral man is invalid unless he repents sincerely, because Allaah says Such a thing is forbidden to the believers.” There is no secret about the mischief, misery and problems that result from marriage to an immoral man. In many cases it is very difficult to get a true picture of a person and be sure about whether he is chaste or otherwise. But by researching, asking questions, consulting people and asking them for advice, whilst taking one’s time and asking Allaah for help, one can get answers. We ask Allaah

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to choose the best for you, to help you and to guide you. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 5 Transactions Marriage: Things which annul marriage 22010: She found out that the man with whom she did the marriage contract does not pray regularly and he mixes with women Question: Two years ago I went to XXX and my parents had my nikah done. We haven’t consumated the marriage but it was done this way so that it would help him to come here sooner and also so that we could go places together, when a mehram isn’t present. Over the years I found some very disturbing things that I didn’t have any knowledge about before. To give you some examples before my nikah I was assured that my husband prayed and was a good muslim. I found out that this was not the case and he only prayed on Fridays. I don’t want to make the mistake that I have seen others gone through where both husband and wife differ. My parents said they have left the desicion up to me and that they are not going to have any say. I don’t know whether I should stay in this marriage or not? How do I know if I’m making a mistake? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If the marriage contract has been completed, with the proposal and acceptance and with the presence of the wali (guardian) and two witnesses, then the woman becomes 314

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the wife of the man, then she has obligations like any other wife. He has the duties of providing maintenance and accommodation, and has the right to physical intimacy etc. If the man does not pray the five daily prayers, then he is a kaafir and the marriage to him is invalid, even if he prays Jumu’ah. His visiting bad websites and keeping mixed company are sins which he must give up, but that does not mean that the marriage is invalid so long as this does not cause any harm to the wife and children by exposing them to these things. Warding off evil takes precedence over gaining benefits. Whatever the case, the main concern has to do with the matter of his prayers. You have to make sure that the husband is praying regularly, because the one who does not pray is a kaafir and it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to stay married to him. Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr. (www.islamqa.com) 9949: He has become Muslim but his wife has not, and she is not from among the People of the Book. Is it permissible for him to live with her? Question: Is the major sin of zinaa committed, if a married man becomes Muslim, but his wife doesn’t become Muslim, and is not a christian or jew, and they continue to have sexual realtions, or if a married woman becomes Muslim, and her husband does not become Muslim, and they continue to have sexual relations? Jazak-Allah Khairan. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 315

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It is not permissible for a Muslim to remain in a marital relationship with a wife who is not Muslim, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone) [al-Baqarah 2:221] “Likewise hold not the disbelieving women as wives” [alMumtahanah 60:10] “They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them” [alMumtahanah 60:10] ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) divorced two of his wives who were mushriks when this aayah was revealed. Ibn Qudaamah stated in al-Mughni that there is ijmaa’ (scholarly consensus) on this point. He said, “There is no difference of opinion among the scholars that their women are forbidden (for marriage).” (al-Mughni 7/503) Allaah has made an exception in the case of women from among the People of the Book [Jews and Christians]. He says (interpretation of the meaning): “(Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time” [al-Maaa’idah 5:5] The word “chaste” (muhsanaat) means that they do not engage in zinaa (unlawful sexual relationships). As the wife mentioned in the question is not from among the People of the Book, her Muslim husband has to fear Allaah and leave her, because his relationship with her is haraam according to sharee’ah, and persisting in it is zinaa and is haraam. If a woman becomes Muslim and her husband is a kaafir, whether he is from among the People 316

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of the Book or not, the marriage contract immediately becomes null and void, because of the evidence cited above. She becomes forbidden to him by virtue of her becoming Muslim, and she is no longer permissible for him, unless he becomes Muslim during her ‘iddah (waiting period following divorce). And Allaah knows best. See a similar question in Fataawa Islaamiyyah, compiled by Muhammad al-Musnad, 3/229. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 4226: A Muslim whose wife is continuing to practise Hindu rituals after becoming Muslim Question: I married before 1 years with a Hindu‘s lady after converting her as a Muslim. But she did not accept Islam with her mind for this reason she is doing continue her religion. It is impossible to divorse her by me becouse our understanding is very good.. I am trying to the best for motivating her. What can I do according to shariah? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, who answered as follows: Praise be to Allaah, and peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allaah. 317

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Perhaps she thinks that doing these rituals does not contradict Islam, so first of all call her to stop doing these things. If she agrees, then this is what you want. If she does not agree, tell her: “If you do not stop doing these rituals, then there is no marriage between us (i.e., threatening divorce).” Of course, if she wants to stay with her husband, this will make her come to Islam. If she refuses, in spite of this threat, then there is no marriage and he has to leave her. And Allaah knows best. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com) 3127: Tragedy of a woman who has become Muslim, but she has two children and their father is Hindu Question: I have read question 2803 in which you advised our sister to announce her marraige as it is sunnah and I have also read the other questions with regards to parents rejecting their son’s/daughter’s choice of marraige because of various reasons. What advice do you give to a person in the following situation: She is divorced frmo her ex husband and has embraced Islam for she has reliaed the truth and she was guided to the right path, Al Hamdulilah, her conversion is kept secret from her family for obvious reasons and her two children whom she has custody of are still Hindu because her ex husband would rather kill her than see his children embrace Islam. He is strong enemy of Islam and has sworn our deen and ALLAH on a few occassions. She is now in love with a religious and well mannered Muslim man who has asked her to marry him. The problem is that his parents object to their marraige because the mother feels 318

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that the lady in question is a convert and that converts don’t make good muslims. In fact her exact words were “Thery will never be one of us” If they do decide to make Nikaah can they for these reasons keep their marraige a secret. The man who has asked for her hand in marraige says that he will accept her children provided they embrace Islam because two religions cannot be practiced in one house especially when the other one is idol worshipp and I can’t agree with him more. How do these two people who love each other make a life of their own. His parents are a problem on the one hand and the ex husband not wanting the children to embrace Islam is another problem. My friend does not want to give up custody of her children because her ex husband is abusive. Please advise our sister as soon as possible as she is suffering from depression and sleepless nights. May ALLAH bless our Prophet Muhammad. Jazak Allah Answer: Praise be to Allaah. First of all, we would like to congratulate our sister for embracing Islam, which is the joy for which wealth and souls would be sacrificed, for all the blessing of Islam makes all grief and distress fade into insignificance. The sister says that she loves a Muslim man. We say: it is not appropriate for a Muslim woman to fall into the trap of nonsensical emotions and forbidden relationships into which others fall. The love which people hear about and read about is one of the dazzling tricks of the Shaytaan, and it usually happens with regard to things that Allaah 319

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has forbidden. If a man finds that he likes a girl, the only option he has is to ask her guardian (walee) for permission to marry her. The man’s mother’s comment that new Muslims cannot be good Muslims is false. Were the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) anything but new Muslims, given that prior to their Islam they had been believers in Shirk? Does any Muslim have any doubts about their commitment to religion and their character? Moreover, we see that many new Muslims are many times better than many (born) Muslims! Just because a Muslim is new does not mean that he will never be good, and just because a Muslim is born in Islam does not mean that he is good. What counts is Taqwa (piety, awareness of Allaah) and righteous deeds, as well as the length of time one has been in Islam and has been worshipping Allaah. There is no reason why knowledge of the man’s marriage should not be withheld from his parents, especially since this is in the interests of the sister and there are so few people who can help her to overcome her difficulties. It is the woman who needs a walee according to sharee’ah, not the man. However, we would prefer that he wins his family’s approval by convincing them, because this is in their best interests, benefits which may be lost if they find out that their son concealed his marriage from them. The fact that the husband says he wants to call the children to Islam is good. We ask Allaah to help him to achieve this. The fact that the Hindu father is evil is sufficient reason for him not to make an open display of his calling the children to Islam, if that could lead to this kaafir taking the children away by going to the kaafir courts. You have to act with wisdom in this case. The woman who is asking this question should not arrange her own marriage even if she has been previously married, 320

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because sharee’ah does not permit this. If she does not have a walee as required by sharee’ah, then her walee may be the qaadi (judge) or whoever is in charge of the Muslim affairs in her country, such as the head of the Islamic centre or his deputy. They – especially the sister – have to seek the help of Allaah in dealing with these problems which are giving her sleepless nights. Everyone should know that whoever puts his trust in Allaah, Allaah will show him a way out. She has to make du’aa’ sincerely, and he has to try as hard as he can to advise his family and change their views about new Muslims by showing them real examples of people who are the opposite of what they think. With regard to the tragedy caused by the former husband, we advise her again not to make an open display of her calling the children to Islam, lest that should cause the father to do something that will have bad consequences. If they feel suspicious about his intentions, there is no harm in calling the police to do whatever is necessary with regard to him. If getting married means that the sister will lose her right to custody of her children, we advise her not to get married now, for fear that these two souls may end up in Hell in the Hereafter – unless she fears that she herself may commit some immoral action, in which case she should marry the Muslim man whom she has told us about, with witnesses and a walee as we have stated above. Publicizing the marriage is sunnah, although it does not have to be announced officially and in writing. But this sister has to live in a protective Muslim environment and those people will have to know about her marriage lest she bring upon herself gossip about her honour. If it will be better for her to leave the place where her ex-husband lives and move to another place where she can be free, have custody of her children and be able to marry a 321

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believing Muslim man who will protect her and her children, then she should do that. She has to make du’aa’ and turn to Allaah to relieve her distress and grief. We pray that Allaah will give her the strength to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 4867: Ruling Concerning a Woman Remaining with Her Alcoholic Husband Question: I have three sons and a daughter. My husband, may Allah protect us, is an alcoholic. He has be imprisoned in the past. He is addicted to alcohol and has injured me and my children. I have been divorced from him and I am currently with my family. He does not spend anything on us and I do not have any desire to return to him. However, he has threatened to take my children and that would be something that I could not bear. After all, I am, first and foremost, a mother. Please help me. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. This is something that definitely needs to be taken up in the courts of law. One should not remain with an alcoholic as he harms his wife and his children. One should remain away from him unless Allah guides him and he returns to 322

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what is correct. If the judge separates the two, usually, the children are given over to the mother as she is most qualified for them while he is not qualified. As long as he has the problem of being an alcoholic, he is not suited to bring up his children as he will destroy and ruin them. Therefore, she has more right to her children than him, even if they be boys. This is what is usually done by the judges and this is what is obligatory. The children must be with her because she is better than him and he is an evildoer. If she refuses to go back to him, she has done well, as such a living condition is harmful and dangerous for her. If he also does not pray, then it is obligatory not to return to him for the one who abandons the prayer is a disbeliever— and protection is sought from Allah. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “The covenant between us and them is the prayer. Whoever abandons it has committed disbelief.”l It is not obligatory to remain with the one who does not pray.2 ”They are not lawful [wives] for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful [husbands] for them” (alMumtahina 10). [That is,] until Allah guides them and they repent. The woman should go to her family or stay with her children and not let her husband come to them until he repents to Allah and returns to what is right.If he prays but drinks alcohol, then that is a great sin and great crime. However, he is not a disbeliever but an evildoer.The woman has the right to prevent him from her and to leave him. She is excused for that act. If she remains patient and has the ability to be patient, there is no harm in that option either. Shaikh ibn Baz

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Footnote 1. Recorded by Ahmad, al-Nasal, al-Tirmidhi and ibn Majah. Al-Albani calls it sahih. Al-Albani, Sahih al-Jami, vol. 2, p. 760 . 2. This sentence, as is clear from the remainder of the response, must not be misunderstood. It does not mean that one may stay with one who does not pray if one wishes to do so. It is not an option to remain with a husband who has been deemed a disbeliever. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 4131: Married to a man who neglects the prayer: what should she do? Question: Asalama calaykum warahmatullah I am marreid to a man who is TARIKU salaat I mean he neglects the salaat. when I marreid him i was like him, Alhamdulillah ALLAH has guided me, now I am a practising muslimah. but the problem is him, every salaat he is preying is like I am forcing him, I treid every thing but nothing is working, same people said you have to leave him but it isn’t easy I have three childern with him, and he is good father and husband. The problem between us is the DEEN. Please what shoul I do. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We put the following question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen: 324

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I am married to a man who neglects his prayer. Allaah has guided me and I insisted that he should pray, so he started to pray as if he was forced to do so. He has clearly told me, “I am only praying because of you.” Is it permissible for me to stay with him or not? The shaykh – may Allaah preserve him – answered as follows: If the marriage contract was made at the time when he was not praying, then it is not valid, and if this is the case then she has to keep away from him. If he becomes Muslim, the contract is renewed, and if he does not become Muslim, then Allaah will send her a Muslim man who is better than him. Question: If she got married to him when she too was not praying, and he was not praying, does this make the marriage null and void? Answer: If they were following a certain religion, then the marriage remains valid, but if they were not following any religion and were murtadd (apostates), then many of the scholars say that the marriage of apostates is not valid, because they are not following any religion, neither Islam nor the religion from which they apostatized. Question: If the husband who is praying clearly tells his wife that he is praying only for her sake, is that sufficient to count him as a murtadd (apostate), or should she go by what she sees, which is that he is praying? Answer: 325

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It seems to me that he is praying to Allaah to please her. This does not means that his whole prayer, the standing, bowing, prostrating and du’aa’, is directed towards her. He is praying to Allaah to please her, and that does not make him a mushrik. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 1826: She has embraced Islam but her husband is still a kaafir. What should she do? Question: What is the ruling about remaining in a marriage when the wife has become a Muslim but her husband is still a kaafir? She has children with him and is afraid that they may go astray and be lost, and she hopes that her husband may be guided to Islam if she stays with him. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. As soon as a woman embraces Islam and her husband refuses to do likewise, the marriage is annulled and it is not permissible for her to live with him. But she should wait out the length of the ‘iddah period. If he embraces Islam, she may go back to him and the previous marriage contract is still counted as valid, but if he does not embrace Islam before the ‘iddah is over, then they are no longer married. If he subsequently embraces Islam and they want to get back together, a new marriage contract must be drawn up. It is not permissible to continue the marriage on the basis of being kind to him. 326

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Majma’ al-Fiqh al-Islami (Islamic Fiqh Council), p. 43. The children should follow the Muslim parent, so try your best to get custody of them. May Allaah help us and help you by His kindness and mercy. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 204: A woman asking for divorce because of her husband’s addiction Question: A sister’s husband became addicted to crack cocaine, and he beat her badly, threw a knife at her and tried to kill her, and abandoned her for four months. She requested a khula from the Imaam of the community and even though everyone could see how badly she was beaten (scars, bruises) and that her husband was no longer home, the Imaam refused to nullify the contract unless the wife drew up a written summary on paper of why she wanted a khula, which as she puts it “is long as a book.” She refused to write it, and she did not get divorced. And as the weeks passed, it became apparent that the Imaam (who is a part of the bid’ah of giving bay’ah) was incompetant and handled the situation badly. Her husband rehabbed himself, and came home, and she accepted him back, and months later, his addiction came up again and he left weeks ago. She now wants a khula again, but she does not know what to do. Please Advice. Answer: Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds. 327

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If what is described in the question is true, then it is a lesson and a warning about how sin can destroy homes and families. Every Muslim must repent to Allaah and give up sin and disobedience. It is very strange that this sister does not want to write down her reasons for asking for divorce. She should respond to this request – what harm could it possibly do? If the influential person who is responsible for the affairs of the Muslim community in that place sees that there is no possibility of reconciling the two partners and continuing the marriage, he should issue a divorce (khula’ – divorce instigated by the woman) freeing her from the husband, on conditions that are mutually acceptable. We ask Allaah to protect our families and the families of all Muslims from fitnah (temptation, tribulation), and to rectify all our affairs. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 6 Transactions Marriage: Rulings on Marriage 43496: He is suffering severe pain in his lower back; does that mean he should not get married? Question: I am 28yr male, well settled in life with good job. My problem is, I am suffering from sievere lower back pain since one year and my parents are planning to arrange my marriage. I am confused wether I should go for marriage? What is right in this situation? Shall I go for this marriage?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You should refer your case to a specialist doctor. If it is proven that this kind of pain may affect fertility or prevent intercourse, or makes a person unable to work and earn money, then you have to inform the woman you want to marry about this. If she accepts it, then there is nothing wrong with you marrying her. If you do not point it out then you are deceiving her. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever deceives is not one of us.” Narrated by Muslim, 102. What we have mentioned is based on the correct view, which is that every fault that may affect the purpose of marriage must be disclosed; the spouse has the right to annul the marriage if such a fault is discovered after being concealed. 329

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Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: … by analogy, every fault that puts the other spouse off and hinders the purpose of marriage, namely compassion and love, should be disclosed and the option of annulment given. (Zaad al-Ma’aad, 5/166). And he said: Whoever studies the fatwas of the Sahaabah and the salaf will realize that they did not specify one fault (as grounds of annulment) to the exclusion of others. And he said: If the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade the seller to conceal any fault in his product, and he forbade anyone who knows of it to conceal it from the buyer, then what about faults that affect marriage? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays, when she consulted him about whether she should marry Mu’aawiyah or Abu’l-Jahm: “As for Mu’aawiyah, he is a poor man who has no money, and as for Abu’l-Jahm his stick is always over his shoulder [this may mean either that he travels a lot, or that he habitually beats his wives].” From this we know that disclosing faults with regard to marriage is more appropriate, so how can concealing them and deceiving people be a means of completing the marriage ? From Zaad al-Ma’aad, 5/168 Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The correct view is that a fault is anything that affects the purpose of marriage, and undoubtedly the purposes of marriage are intimacy, service and producing offspring. These are some of the most important purposes, and if there is anything that prevents this purposes being fulfilled, then it is a fault. Based on this, if the wife finds the husband to be sterile or the husband finds the wife to be barren, then this is a fault. From al-Sharh al-Mumti’, 5/274, Markaz Fajr edition. 330

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And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 27305: Marrying a thirteen year old girl Question: I’m a boy of 26, and i have come to know a very nice girl, belonging to a very good family. I wish to marry her and to propose to her parents for this purpose. But the problem is that the girl is still a child, and only 13 years old, which makes her 13 years my junior in age. I wish to ask if its morally acceptable for me to think about her, be attracted to her and to propose for her in marriage. And do u think our relationship would be legitimate and socially and religiously acceptable with this age difference. Also, if per chance it is acceptable, it raises a question that islam advocates soliciting a girl’s opinion in marriage, but how can such a young girl make an intelligent decision for herself. In such case, what are the basis for islam’s allowing such a marriage to take place. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is nothing wrong with your marrying this girl, even though there is this difference in age between you. What matters is that she should be religiously committed and of good character. These are what matters when it comes to marriage, and are the factors that lead to harmony and happiness in sha Allaah. 331

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The validity of marriage to a minor girl is proven by the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “And those of your women as have passed the age of monthly courses, for them the ‘Iddah (prescribed period), if you have doubt (about their periods), is three months; and for those who have no courses [(i.e. they are still immature) their ‘Iddah (prescribed period) is three months likewise, except in case of death]” [al-Talaaq 65:4] So the ‘iddah for those who do not menstruate because they are too young is three months, and ‘iddah has to do with divorce after getting married, which indicates that the girls in question has been married and divorced. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) when she was six years old, and he consummated the marriage with her when she was nine, and at that time he was over fifty. Al-Bukhaari (3894) and Muslim (1422) narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married me when I was six years old and consummated the marriage with me when I was nine. A girl who is thirteen years old may have reached the age of puberty, in which case her consent is essential according to the more correct of the two scholarly opinions, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A previously-married woman should not be married until she has been consulted, and a virgin should not be married until her permission has been sought.” They said: “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her permission?” He said: “If she remains silent.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 332

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5136; Muslim, 1419, from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him). See also question no. 22760. If she has not reached the age of puberty, then her father has the sole right to arrange her marriage and does not have to ask her permission. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: With regard to a virgin who is still a minor, there is no difference of opinion concerning her (i.e., that her father may marry her off even if she objects). Ibn al-Mundhir said: Every scholar from whom we learned was agreed that it is permissible for a man to marry off his virgin daughter who is still a minor, if he marries her to someone who is compatible, and it is permissible for him to marry her off even if she objects and refuses.” Al-Mughni, 9/ 398 But it was narrated from Imam Ahmad that whoever reaches the age of nine years comes under the same ruling as a girl who has reached puberty, so her permission must be sought. But if the father opts to be on the safe side and ask her permission, that is better. Al-Mughni, 8/398-405. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 40040: Her husband is threatening to divorce her if she does not watch pornographic movies with him Question: A woman’s husband tries to force her to watch pornographic movies with her and she refuses to do that and tries to stop him; she told him to choose between her and these movies and he chose the movies instead of her, 333

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What should she do – when he has threatened to divorce her if she does not watch these movies with him? What advice do you give her? Should she watch them or get a divorce – especially since she has three children with him?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah has commanded the Muslim to protect himself and his family from the Fire. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded” [al-Tahreem 66:6] Allaah has put the wife and children under the care and protection of the husband, and he will be asked about them on the Day of Resurrection. It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock; the man is the shepherd of his family members and is responsible for them; the woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for them; the slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 853; Muslim, 1829. 334

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Allaah has warned those who betray this trust and do not protect their families as required, that they will be denied Paradise. It was narrated that Ma’qal ibn Yassaar said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no person whom Allaah appoints in charge of some flock and he is not sincere towards them, but he will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6731; Muslim, 142. What this husband is doing, watching pornographic movies, is an evil and a great sin. It is not permissible for him to do that, let alone force someone else to do it. If the husband calls his wife to watch these movies, it is not permissible for her to obey him, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience if it involves disobeying Allaah, rather obedience is only with regard to that which is right and proper.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7257; Muslim, 1840. The husband’s threat of divorce does not count as a legitimate excuse for her, and is not regarded as her being forced to do it. Rather she should advise him in the way that is better. If he responds and gives up the evil that he is doing, this is something good that he is doing for himself, and she will be rewarded for that. If he refuses to respond to the command of Allaah to lower the gaze and avoid looking at haraam things, then it is not permissible for her to obey him in committing sin, and she should not trust him with regard to herself or her children, and Allaah will compensate her with someone better than him, in sha Allaah. In the answer to question no. 12301 there is a statement of the shar’i ruling on watching these movies. In the answer to question no. 7669 there is a description of ways of advising and guiding this husband. 335

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If the husband does not pray, it is not permissible for the wife to hesitate in asking for an annulment of the marriage. We have discussed the ruling on staying with a husband who does not pray in the answer to question no. 4501 and 5281. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 26220: Marrying a Hindu girl who wants to become Muslim Question: I am a Mulsim male, 24 years old. I live in the U.S. I have known a particular girl for over 6 years now, and she is a HINDU. She and I want to marry, and she wants to learn more about Islam and convert after her knowledge and faith are stronger. Her family was hesitant at first, but is ok with it if this is what she wants. My family on the other hand has reservations about it. They are telling me that she MUST change her name to a Muslim name. Also, since she is the only child of her parents, she still wants to have, in addition to the Muslim ceremony, a Hindu ceremony so that her parents can have what they have always wanted. She has agreed with me to take out parts from the Hindu ceremony that are at all RELIGIOUS, and just do the traditional/cultural parts of it. I feel ok with this, but my parents are making a BIG deal about this. she is willing to learn and accept Islam, and she is just getting upset and frustrated that my parents are making this so difficult, and not being flexible or understanding to her situation. What are your thoughts? Please advise. 336

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We appreciate your confidence in us, and we ask Allaah to make us as you think we are. Firstly: Please note, may Allaah guide you, that it is not permissible for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman, unless she is of the people of the Book (Jewish or Christian). See question no. 8015. If she becomes Muslim, there is nothing wrong with you marrying her in that case. Secondly: Try to make sure that your marriage has the approval of your parents, because the approval of your parents will have a good effect on your married life, and this is part of the honouring of parents for which a man will be rewarded. Thirdly: With regard to changing the name, Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It is not essential to change the name unless it is a name that is not permitted in sharee’ah, such as names which indicate servitude and submission to something other than Allaah and the like, which must be changed. Similarly if it is a name that is used exclusively by the kuffaar and no one else, then it must be changed lest one resemble the kuffaar thereby and lest one feel an attachment to this

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name which is exclusively for the kuffaar or be accused of not having become Muslim yet. See al-Ijaabaat ‘ala As’ilah al-Jaaliyaat, pp. 4-5. In the future her changing her name will please your parents, so there is nothing wrong with your convincing her to change it to please your parents. Fourthly: You should pray istikhaarah so that your Lord will help you to choose that which is best for you in this world and in the hereafter. You can learn how to pray istikhaarah in question no. 2217. We ask Allaah to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him and to bless us with wives and children who will bring us joy. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 27173: He married a widow and his family objects Question: I need help.I married a Muslim Woman who had 4 children.A dedicated muslim widow. In spite of my parents approval I married her.And now we are living happily dedicated in five times prayers,reading Quran etc,along with the children.The reason for my marrage was sincere and genuine, no foul play of intention.To give a helping hand to a woman burdened with children and her sustainence. The reason for refusal of my parents was as to why I should 338

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carry somebody elses burden or trash and thats not fair for me to face a punishment as such. And was also concern that the difficuilty and shame they will face in front of their relations. I had humbly and kindly explained to them this: 1. I do have the courage to take a woman of that nature and face the consequences with the help of Allah.And Allah will not put a burden that I cannot carry. 2. And why I should not face a punishment for a good cause in the name of Allah,where as I am giving life to a women who had emmencely fallen down mentally,physically and financially. 3. Relations talk about pride and wealth only,do not pray, think Allah.and also do not care us, And I totally rely on Allah and not on my relations kith & kin. But in spite of all explaination they refuse me and my wife.I married in spite of all this and I am happy now. I repent every day to Allah for being very hash & hard to my parents. Dear brother,couple of days before in TV in a particular Islamic session A brother said that Janna or heaven is in the feet of a persons mother,if I heard it correctly,Now I feel too guilty about myself. So please let me know what shall I do now?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. What you have done, marrying a woman who has children and was suffering from numerous problems is an action for which you deserve to be praised and rewarded, especially since she is religiously-committed as seems to be the case from your question. 339

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Islam encourages the one who wants to get married to look for a woman who is religiously-committed, for she is the best kind of wife he can have. She will keep herself and her husband chaste, and raise his children in the manner that Allaah likes. She will obey her husband and not disobey him. Marriage to a virgin is encouraged in sharee’ah and is better than marrying a previously-married woman, but the previously-married woman may have characteristics that make her better than a virgin, such as if marriage to her serves a purpose that cannot be met by marrying a virgin, or if her religious commitment and attitude is better than that of a virgin. Al-Bukhaari (4052) and Muslim (715) narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: “Have you got married, O Jaabir?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “To a virgin or to a previously-married woman?” I said, “To a previously-married woman, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said, “Why not a young girl with whom you could play and she could play with you?” I said, “My father was killed on the day of Uhud, and he left behind nine daughters. I did not like to bring to them someone like them, and I wanted to bring a woman who could look after them and guide them.” He said, “May Allaah bless you,” or he said good words to me. According to one report he said, “You did the right thing.” And according to a version narrated by Muslim, “Then that is better. For women may be married for their religious commitment, their wealth or their beauty. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Al-Shawkaani said in Nayl al-Awtaar (6/126): This indicates that it is mustahabb to marry virgins, except for one who has a reason to marry a previously-married woman, as happened in the case of Jaabir. End quote. 340

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Al-Sindi said: “Then that is better” means, what you did by marrying a previously-married woman is better or is good. End quote. So you have done well by marrying this woman, and what people say should not matter to you after that. You have done what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did, for most of his wives had been previously married. It is not essential for your parents to agree with your marriage, especially if their objections are for the reasons you mentioned. We have previously quoted in the answer to question no. 21052 the fatwa of Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Humayyid concerning this matter, so please read it as it is important. You have to repent and seek Allaah’s forgiveness for being harsh towards your parents. You have to be gentle with them and try to please them. You can argue with them in the way that is better so as to convince them, and in this way you can combine two things: marrying whom you want and pleasing your parents, which is important. Secondly: With regard to the hadeeth, “Paradise is at the feet of mothers,” this wording is not saheeh. It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas and from Anas. The hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas was narrated by Ibn ‘Adiyy in al-Kaamil (6/347). He said: this is a munkar hadeeth [a category of weak hadeeth]. The hadeeth of Anas was narrated by al-Khateeb alBaghdaadi, and it is da’eef (weak). Al-‘Ajlooni said: 341

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Concerning this subject there is also the report narrated by al-Khateeb in his Jaami’ and by al-Qadaa’i in his Musnad, from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) and attributed to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Paradise is at the feet of mothers.” Its isnaad includes Mansoor ibn al-Muhaajir and Abu’lNadr al-Abaar, both of whom are unknown. Al-Khateeb also mentioned it narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him), and classed it as da’eef. Kashf al-Khafa’, 1/401. Shaykh al-Albaani said of the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas that it is mawdoo’ (fabricated). And he said: We can do without it and refer instead to the hadeeth of Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah, who said that he came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go out for jihad and I have come to consult you.” He said, “Do you have a mother?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “Then stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet.” Narrated by al-Nasaa’i, 2/54, and by others such as alTabaraani (1/225/2), and its isnaad is hasan in sha Allah. Al-Haakim classed it as saheeh (4/151) and al-Dhahabi agreed with him, as did al-Mundhiri, 3/214. Al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah, 593. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 27104: He talks about marriage secrets and gets married with the intention of divorcing the woman Question: I’m married to a muslim to whom I’m losing trust. We’ve 342

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been married for a few years. I knew him prior to marriage and I (we) did repent for that. But he has gone off on (2) different occasions to acquire a second wife. On both occasions the sisters that he married seemed more out of desire and assuming that things would be different with marrying a less than knowledgable individual that lack basic manners and deen. Even after knowing this at the time of marriage, he consumates then complains that he wants this second wife to have similar manners and deen as I do. My concern is that he has reveiled his past (I know that as muslims we should keep these things to ourselves) and he was married several times as a kafir, and cheated on these wives and now it seems that he’s using Islam as a justification for doing this (having mutiple wives). He’s says that he loves me, but I feel that he’s just used to me and my good manners and resourcefulness, but he doesn’t attempt to treat the second spouse the way he treats me. He is very open to tell me things about the second spouse that I don’t want to hear. Both marriages were seemed to be performed in a very sneaky and questionable manner. I don’t have a enough space to go into the details. He has stated on occassions that he has to have a second wife. Is it allowed in Islam for a man to marry and divorce as many women as he wants (I know no more than 4 at one time), but one every few months, even if he’s just marrying another woman for the purpose of having something different temporarily? With the intent of using one of her negative qualities as a reason for divorce? We do not have children. Am I allowed to request a divorce on the grounds that I cannot continue to cope with these situations and I’m losing the love and desire for my husband. Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

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Firstly: It is obligatory for both spouses to keep the secrets of the marriage, especially anything that has to do with their intimate relationship in bed. The wife is entrusted with the husband’s secrets and the husband is entrusted with the wife’s secrets. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) turned to the men and said, “Is there any man among you who, when he comes to his wife, he locks the door, throws his blanket over himself and conceals himself with the cover of Allaah?” They said, “Yes.” He said, “And does he sit after that and say, ‘I did such and such, and I did such and such?’” They remained silent. Then he turned to the women and said, “Is there anyone among you who speaks (of private marital matters)?” They remained silent. Then a buxom young girl sat up tall so that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would see her and hear her words, and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, (the men) speak and (the women) speak.” He said, “Do you know what the likeness of that is? The likeness of that is that of a female devil who meets a male devil in the street and he fulfils his desire with her when the people are looking on.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2174. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7037. Secondly: With regard to your husband’s other marriages, if that is for the purpose of “having a change” as you say, then this is marriage with the intention of divorcing, which is deceiving the woman and her guardians (walis). Shaykh Muhammad Rasheed Rida (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 344

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The fact that the scholars of the earlier and later generations emphatically forbade mut’ah (temporary marriage) implies that marriage with the intention of divorce is haraam, even though the fuqaha’ said that a marriage contract is valid if the husband intends it to be temporary but did not state that as a condition in the marriage contract; but his concealing that is regarded as a betrayal and deceit, and this contract deserves to be annulled more than one in which he stipulated the condition that it be temporary with the agreement of the husband, the wife and the wife’s guardian. This leads to many evil consequences as it is abusing this great bond which is the greatest of human relationships, and going along with one’s whims and desires. When this condition is not stated clearly, that is cheating and betrayal which leads to other bad consequences such as enmity, hatred and loss of trust even of sincere people who want to get married in the real sense, which means protecting the chastity of both partners and cooperating in establishing a righteous home… Quoted from Fiqh al-Sunnah by al-Sayyid al-Saabiq, 2/ 39 Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) spoke similar words on the prohibition of such marriages. He said: Moreover this view – the view that (such marriages) are permitted – may be exploited by those who are weak in faith for evil purposes, as we hear that some people have started to go on vacation, during time off from studies, to other countries to get married with the intention of divorcing soon. I have been told that some of them marry several wives on these trips, as if they go there only to satisfy their desires which are more like zina (adultery, fornication) – we seek refuge with Allaah. 345

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Because of this we think that even if there is a view that it is permitted, it is not appropriate to open this door because it has becomes a means that leads to that which we have mentioned. With regard to my opinion on this matter, I say that this marriage contract is a valid contract, but it involves deceit and betrayal, so it may become haraam because of that. It is deceit and betrayal because the wife and her guardian, if they knew the intention of this husband, and that his intention is to enjoy intimacy with her and then divorce her, they would not adept this marriage. So in that sense he is deceiving and betraying them. If he tells them that he wants her to stay with him for the duration of his visit to that country, and they agree to that, then this marriage is mut’ah (temporary marriage). Hence I think that it is haraam, but if anyone goes ahead and does it, then the marriage contract is valid, but it involves sin. Liqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh, Question 1391. But if he married you with the intention of making the marriage permanent, and he has no intention of divorce, but then something happens which is a reason for divorce, then there is no sin on him in that case. Thirdly: With regard to his getting married in secret, if that is in the presence of the woman’s guardian and two witnesses, and the marriage contract is done in that fashion, then it is a valid marriage. But if it is done without the woman’s guardian or without the presence of two witnesses, then the marriage is not valid. See questions no. 7989 and 2127.

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Fourthly: We advise your husband to fear Allaah with regard to his family, and to fear Him with regard to people’s honour. He should note that it is not permissible for him to fool about in this manner, for marriage is love, tranquility and compassion, so he should not make it merely a means of satisfying his desire and then abandon the woman. We also advise you to be gentle in denouncing your husband, and to preserve the stability of the home, and be sure of what you mention about his intention in taking several wives and what you do not like about him. Remember that a woman’s jealousy towards co-wives may lead her to make mountains out of molehills, and the waswaas (whispers) of the Shaytaan may make it worse, with the aim of disrupting the stability of Muslim families. So look at the matter with a little wisdom, especially the matter of his intention, which you cannot really know. Ask Allaah to show you the truth of the matter, and pray istikhaarah with regard to either staying with him or asking for separation. Think about your situation if you get divorced and what the consequences of that would be, then decide whether it is better for you to leave him or to stay and put up with it. If you cannot bear it because of the things you have mentioned, then you have the right to ask for separation. And Allaah knows best.Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 34652: Remaining unmarried for the sake of worship Question: Is marriage obligatory for a woman who is able to refrain from immoral actions all her life, in order to devote herself

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to her religion and to avoid the distractions and obligations of marriage?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah has enjoined marriage, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maidservants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allaah will enrich them out of His Bounty” [al-Noor 24:32] And it was enjoined by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065; Muslim, 1400. And there is the story of the three men who came to ask about the worship of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When they were told about it, it was as if they thought it was not much. One of them said, “I keep away from women and I will never get married.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to this man and to his companions that he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) fasted and broke his fast, he stayed up praying and slept, and he married 348

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women. Then he said: “Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5063; Muslim, 1401. This story indicates that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned against the monasticism practiced by the Jews and Christians, both men and woman. So this woman should not stay unmarried. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah li’l-Buhooth al-‘Ilmiyyah wa’lIfta’, 18/17 (www.islam-qa.com) 33711: Son marrying his father’s stepdaughter Question: Is it haram to marry my step-sister who was raised by my biological father and step-mother i feel kind of odd in this situation,considering my father and stepmom already have a child ,would this confuse the lineage if her and i were to get married and have a child too? and Sheik do we find this practice in the way of our Salaf ul sali?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The daughter of your father’s wife is known as your father’s stepdaughter, and she is a mahram for your father only, if he has consummated the marriage with her mother, whether he brought her up himself or she is an adult and 349

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he did not bring her up. This is the view of the majority of the earlier and later scholars, and is the view of the four imams. When mentioning the women who are mahrams for men, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father’s sisters, your mother’s sisters, your brother’s daughters, your sister’s daughters, your foster mothers who gave you suck, your foster milk suckling sisters, your wives’ mothers, your stepdaughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in — but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters), — the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins, and two sisters in wedlock at the same time, except for what has already passed; verily, Allaah is OftForgiving, Most Merciful” [al-Nisa’ 4:23] But with regard to you, this stepdaughter is not a mahram for the son of her mother’s husband, so it is permissible for you to marry her, and there is no problem in that. The Standing Committee was asked about marrying the daughter of the father’s wife. They replied: It is permissible for the son of the man mentioned to marry the daughter of the woman mentioned, even if his father is married to her mother. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “All others are lawful” [al-Nisa’ 4:24] The girl mentioned is not one of the mahrams listed in this verse, or in the Sunnah. 350

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Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/600 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 33700: Should marriage be given priority over settling debts? Question: If a person owes money, but at present he cannot pay it off, and he intends to pay it off as soon as he is able to do so, noting that the people to whom he owes that money are not in the same city as he is – if he gets some money and he fears that he may fall into temptation, and he wants to get married, can he give priority to marriage instead of paying off his debts?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. He should give priority to paying off his debts before he gets married, unless the people to whom he owes money give him permission to give priority to marriage, in which case he is permitted to do that. With regard to his fears of falling into temptation, he has to fast in order to protect himself, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, because that is more effective in guarding one’s chastity and lowering one’s gaze. Whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for that will be a shield for him.” Agreed upon. 351

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And Allaah is the Source of strength. Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah li’l-Buhooth wa’l-Ifta’, 14/39. (www.islam-qa.com) 23324: Does a man need to have a wali to get married? Question: Is it important for a male to have a wali during his nikah.if this is the case can any male relative act as his wali. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. A man does not have to have a wali at the time of the marriage contract, rather the man is the one who enters into the marriage contract by himself. It is the woman who needs to have a wali, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, according to the hadeeth narrated by ‘Aa’ishah: “Any woman who gets married without a wali, her marriage is invalid, invalid, invalid.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; classed as hasan by Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879. But if a man is insane or feeble-minded, he has to have a wali (guardian). If he is of sound mind, however, he does not need a wali. Shaykh Khaalid al-Mushayqih. (www.islam-qa.com) 20106: Marrying an ex-Christian woman who has become Muslim recently and has a child Question: I have a very good friend who embraced Islam only a 352

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couple of months ago. She was married and had a child with her Christian husband. The marriage is now annulled after her conversion and she has the custody of the child. I want to marry her and support her child but my parents are not allowing me to do so. I am proud to say that I was God’s tool for the conversion of this girl. But now I face this tough situation. On one hand my parents seriously resisting my wish and are not ready to allow me to marry this girl because she comes from a different culture and society and also has a son from her previous marriage. And on the other hand I know that this girl needs a lot of help with her life and religion and I want to help her by marrying her and taking her child as my son. Please advise me in the light of Qura’an and Sunnah, whether I should go ahead with my choice and judgement or should I leave her alone according to my parents’ will even after knowing that the only reason they are rejecting her is because she comes from a different country and culture?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Parents have important rights over their children, hence Allaah mentioned the command to honour parents in conjunction with the command to worship Him Alone, as He says: “And (remember) when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): Worship none but Allaah (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents” [al-Baqarah 2:83]

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“Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents…” [al-Nisa’ 4:36] “Say (O Muhammad): Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful to your parents…” [al-An’aam 6:151] “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour” [al-Isra’ 17:23] Honouring parents, treating them kindly and striving to please them are among the greatest of good deeds and best of characteristics. It is known that a man does not have to marry a particular woman, so if there is a conflict between pleasing his parents and marrying a woman he wants, then he should undoubtedly give precedence to pleasing his parents. Al-Tirmidhi (1900) and Ibn Maajah (2089) narrated from Abu’l-Darda’ that a man came to him and said, “I have a wife and my mother is telling me to divorce her.” Abu’lDarda’ said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say, ‘The father is the best door to Paradise.’ So if you want, you may ignore this door or pay attention to it.” This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. What Abu’l-Darda’ said has to do with divorce, which is more serious than the issue at hand, because divorce is a 354

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very serious matter. Hence the correct view is that you do not have to obey your parents in this matter. (See al-Adab al-Shar’iyyah by Ibn Muflih, 1/447) Based on the above, you should try to convince your parents to let you marry this woman. If they insist on refusing then our advice is to obey them. The woman will find a righteous husband to marry in sha Allah, and you will have the reward of having brought her to Islam, praise be to Allaah. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 26852: Does a son or daughter have the right to refuse the person whom the parents choose for them to marry? Question: To what extent to parents have right to chose your life partner?what if they force you to get married to someone in the family and that’s the not the ultimate choice in mind to what extent are you convicted if you refuse.Do you have the right to opposed to the choice that your parents have choosen for you?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The basic principle is that one of the conditions of marriage is the consent of both parties, because of the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) which says that the Prophet SAW said: “A virgin cannot be married until her consent has been sought and 355

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a previously-married woman cannot be married until she has been consulted.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her consent?” He said, “If she remains silent.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5136; Muslim, 1419) Consent is essential in the case of the husband, and also in the case of the wife. The parents have no right to force their son or their daughter to marry someone they do not want. But if the person whom the parents have chosen is righteous, then the child, whether male or female, should obey the parents in that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 865). But if obeying them will lead to divorce later on, then the child does not have to obey them in that, because consent is the foundation of the marital relationship, and this consent must be in accordance with sharee’ah, which is approval of the one who is religiously committed and of good character. Shaykh Dr. Khaalid al-Mushayqih A child is not considered to be disobedient or sinful if he does not obey his parents in this regard. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: The parents do not have the right to force their child to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses he is not being disobedient towards them, as is the case when he does not eat what he does not want. 356

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Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, 344. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 32479: Family planning Question: What is the ruling on family planning in nations where there is a large number of inhabitants such as in Cairo for example?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We will quote to you below a statement issued by the Fiqh Council (al-Majma’ al-Fiqhi) with regard to family planning: The meeting of the Fiqh Council held during its fifth conference in Kuwait 1-6 Jumaada al-Aakhir 1409 AH (10-15 December 1988) – after studying the research presented by members and experts on the subject of family planning, and listening to the debate that took place on this topic, and based on the fact that one of the objectives of marriage according to Islamic sharee’ah is to reproduce and preserve the human race, and that it is not permissible to undermine this objective, because undermining it goes against the texts and teachings of sharee’ah, which call for having many children, protecting them and taking care of them, because producing and caring for offspring is one of the five kulliyaat (holistic principles) which sharee’ah came to take care of – issued the following resolutions:

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1 – It is not permissible to issue laws that limit the freedom of couples to have children. 2 – It is haraam to remove the ability of men and women to have children, which is known as sterilization, so long as there is no need to do so according to shar’i principles. 3 – It is permissible to use temporary means of contraception in order to increase the gaps between pregnancies, or to stop them for a limited period of time, if there is a valid shar’i reason for doing so, based on the couple’s estimation and with mutual consultation and agreement, subject to the condition that this does not result in harm and that the means is acceptable according to sharee’ah and will not damage any existing pregnancy. And Allaah knows best. Resolution no. 38 (1/5), re: Family planning. See Majallat al-Majma’, vol. 1, p. 73) For more information see Question no. 7205 Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 22107: Ruling on delaying marriage without justification Question: I heard about ur site from a friend n found it very very usefull n full of information. so, i, thank u very much for clearing up most of my misconceptions through it. my question is regarding marriage . My parents have accepted a proposal from a family but now they r delaying in fixing up dates . although the man’s family wants evrything to b done quickly but my parents 358

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r taking a lot of time. so what is the ruling on delaying of wedding when once everything has been finalized. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We thank you for your kind words about our site, and we ask Allaah to bless us and you with beneficial knowledge and righteous deeds. If the situation is as you say, with your father having agreed and with the woman’s family being prepared, then everything is in place and there is no reason to delay this marriage. Rather you should hasten to proceed with it, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for that will be a shield for him.” (Agreed upon, from the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood, may Allaah be pleased with him. Al-Bukhaari, 4778; Muslim, 1400). But your father may have some reasons for delaying the marriage, which he may not want to tell you. So you should be patient and seek reward for that. You should also tell them of the virtue of hastening this good thing, because it will help you to lower your gaze and guard your chastity, even if that is done by doing the marriage contract and delaying consummation of the marriage, that is better than leaving it as an engagement. You should note that the fiancé (khaatib) is still a nonmahram to his fiancée (makhtoobah), and it is not permissible for him to do any more than look at her as much as the fiancé is permitted to look. But if he does the marriage contract with her, she becomes his wife and it is 359

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permissible for him to so everything with her that married people do, but it is better for him not to have intercourse with her until the marriage is announced, so as to ward off mischief, and in acknowledgement of the prevalent custom. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 6398: She wants to marry a person she loves but her family are refusing to let her Question: I have been talking to a guy that I have very stong feelings for, and now we are thinking of taking it to another level which is marriage. THe only problem is that my parents dont agree. They feel that he is not worth of me and they feel that he will not treat me right! They have no valid reason other than the fact that alot of times they see us arguing bas it’s normal. I really love this guy and I am scared that when he comes and ask’s for me my parents wont agree. What is the quaran’s ruling on this?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: It is not permissible for a woman – whether she is a virgin or previously married – to get married without the permission of her guardian. This has been explained previously in a number of answers. Please see Question No. 2127. 360

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Secondly: The family – customarily and usually – is able to know what is best for their daughter and who is best suited to marry her, because usually girls have little knowledge and experience of life and what is best for them, and they may be deceived by some nice words, and be ruled by their hearts rather than by their heads. Hence a girl should not go against her family’s opinion, if they are known for their religious-commitment and wisdom. But if a woman’s guardians reject husbands for no valid reason, or if their criteria for choosing a husband are not acceptable by the standards of sharee’ah – such as if they prefer a rich evildoer over one who is religiously committed and of good character – then it is permissible for the girl to refer the matter to the qaadi (sharee’ah judge) to annul the guardianship of the one who is not letting her get married, and pass that role to someone else. But this is not applicable in this case, because what is stopping the family from agreeing to this husband is what they think is in the best interests of their daughter, and this has to do with the character and attitude of the husband. Thirdly: The things that lead to love between a young man and a young woman may be things that are not Islamically acceptable, such as mixing, being alone together, speaking, exchanging pictures, and so on. If this is the case then a woman should realize that she has done something haraam, and this is not the standard by which the man’s love for her should be measured. For usually at this stage the man shows his best side and makes his behaviour look as good as possible, so he can win the girl’s heart and get what he wants. If what he wants is haraam, then she will be like a victim for the wolf and will lose the most precious thing that she possesses after 361

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her religion. If what he wants is permissible – namely marriage – then he has gone about it in a way that is not permissible. Moreover, she may get a shock when she sees his attitude and how he treats her after marriage. This is the fate of many wives. So the family has to make a good choice for their daughter. They should find out more about the husband, and they should not judge a person on the basis of heated discussion that may be justifiable. What matters is the man’s attitude and religious commitment. The family should also remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “We do not think there is anything better for two who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by alBusayri and al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624. The girl has to obey her family, for they know best what is in her best interests, and all they want is for her to be happy with a husband who will respect her and give her her rights. We also advise the sister who asked this question to look at the answer to question no. 23420. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 23420: Is love before marriage better? Question: What is more stable in Islam, a love marriage or an arranged marriage? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 362

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The issue of this marriage depends on the ruling on what came before it. If the love between the two parties did not transgress the limits set by Allaah or make them commit sin, then there is the hope that the marriage which results from this love will be more stable, because it came about as the result of the fact that each of them wanted to marry the other. If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh alAlbaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624) Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah: The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.” But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger. 363

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Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her. So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later. The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate. Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful. With regard to arranged marriages where the family chooses the partner, they are not all good and not all bad. If the family makes a good choice and the woman is religious and beautiful, and the husband likes her and wants to marry her, then there is the hope that their marriage will be stable and successful. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1087; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, 3235) 364

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But if the family make a bad choice, or they make a good choice but the husband does not agree with it, then this marriage is most likely doomed to failure and instability, because the marriage that is based on lack of interest usually is not stable. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 11095: A Muslim man has proposed marriage to her, and she committed a sin previously Question: I am a 25 year old woman, who has had a Muta’a marriage at a young age. I understand that the Sunnis believe that this type of marriage is haraam. The reasons why I had that marriage are too many to explain here, but the circumstances under which it happenned make me still question how great a sin it was, and sometimes if it is a sin at all. May Allah forgive me, and show me the right way, as living in the world so different from the days of the Prophet makes it sometimes difficult for me, as both a Westerner as well as Muslim, to distinguish between the haraam and the halaal. I now know a Muslim man who has never been married, and who would like to marry me. I am concerned that this is not in his best interest, but I am not absolutely sure about this. For one, our values are presently very similar, and we have much in common. In fact, I have never known anyone so similar to me. However, his life has been somewhat different from mine, and Allah has mercifully protected him from some choices I had to make. What I want more than spending my life with this man is for him 365

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to be at ease with his decision to marry me, and to feel that it is religiously correct or permissible for him to do so. Is that possible? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If the man who has proposed marriage is compatible – i.e., his religious commitment is good and he is trustworthy, it is not permissible for you to hesitate to accept him. The doubts and objections that are not based on any evidence do not mean anything, so do not worry about them. If he is as you have described, then do not hesitate to accept. With regard to the previous mut’ah marriage, there is no doubt that mut’ah is haraam; it has been abrogated and it is not permissible to get married in this way. But if you knew that at the time, then you have to repent and ask for forgiveness. Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr (www.islam-qa.com) 14090: Ruling on delaying marriage because of studies for one who fears that he may do something haraam Question: I was born and raised a Christian, however since learning about Islam I have recently converted. Before my conversion I allowed a fallen Muslim to touch me. Since then I have not allowed for any touching, inappropriate words, or unsupervised visits. I have repented and so has he of these terrible acts. His parents are helping me to understand and follow the Quran. He has asked me to marry him, and I wish to do so. The problem is this: his parents wish for him to wait to marry until after college. 366

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Should I wait to be engaged or should I become engaged immediately? I know that it is better to marry than to commit immoral sexual acts, and I am afraid that these acts will be very tempting, especially in our minds, even if we do not see each other alone (which I do not wish to do). I want to respect and love his family, and I do not know how to appropriately arrange for such things as marriage when they are the only Muslims I know. PLEASE HELP! I want to enter into a moral arrangement and I do not want to be a girlfriend! Answer: Praise be to Allaah Who has guided you to Islam, and has bestowed this great blessing upon you. We ask Him to keep you steadfast. One of the blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you is that Islam wipes out whatever sins came before it, and we ask Him to accept your repentance and the repentance of everyone who repents. With regard to engagement and marriage, our advice to you and to this young man is to hasten to get married if possible, especially since you are afraid of doing something haraam. In this case, the issue of marriage takes priority over the issue of studying. So long as marriage is what you both want, you should try hard to convince his parents of that. Remind them of what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to the young men: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. Whoever cannot afford that, then he should fast, for that will be a shield for him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5065; Muslim, 1400. He can also remind them of how many temptations there are, and that the Muslim has to resist them by every 367

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legitimate shar’i means available. Undoubtedly marriage is one of the greatest means of protecting oneself against these temptations. Indeed, the scholars state that marriage is obligatory in such cases. (al-Mughni, 9/341). It may be sufficient to do the marriage contract which meets the conditions stipulated in sharee’ah, until you are able to do the waleemah (wedding feast) and consummate the marriage, because this will make it permissible for him to be alone with you and to touch you, because in this case he will be considered to be your husband according to sharee’ah. If you can do that, this is good. But if his family insist on refusing, and this young man is afraid of doing something haraam, then he must try hard to get married if he is able to, even if his parents do not give him permission, whilst also trying to please his family as much as he can. If he is unable to do that, then either you have to be patient and follow the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to those who were not able to get married, which is to fast, and try to keep away from places of temptation and situations in which desire may be provoked, until Allaah brings you together in a good way, or your legal guardian (wali) has to try to look for another righteous person for you to marry, so that you will be safe from the risk of doing something haraam. It should be noted here that if you become engaged according to sharee’ah, that does not mean that he is allowed to sit with you or to touch you or to go out with you or to speak to you unnecessarily, until the marriage contract is done between you, fulfilling all the conditions stipulated in sharee’ah. For more information on these conditions see Question no. 2127, 7193. And Allaah knows best. We ask Allaah to make it easy for you to do the right 368

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thing and to ward off evil and immorality from you. Ameen. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 23472: Marriage of one who is mentally deficient Question: I have a brother who is 30 years old and wants to get married, but he has a problem which I will sum up as follows. He is a regular person, with a good memory, his body is healthy and he looks fine; he can tell men and women apart and he understands when we speak about matters of marriage and so on, but he cannot distinguish matters in the sense that he does not understand the meanings of marriage and divorce, or the rights and duties of marriage and so on. My question is, it is permissible for him to get married or not, knowing that he says “I want to get married”? And Allaah is the source of strength. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is permissible for him to get married, but his situation must be explained clearly to the guardian of his wife and the wife must be told about the deficiencies in his mental understanding and ability to discern matters, and that he does not understand the meanings of marriage and divorce, and the rights and duties of marriage, and that he does not know how to pray properly, and that he does not have a job and does not have any qualifications, and that he does not have enough knowledge to know what 369

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will benefit him or what will harm him. Then if he does get married, his brother or his father will have to supervise him and take care of his needs, and ensure that he has accommodation and money to spend, and other things that are needed for marriage such as the mahr (dowry) and the like, because this deficiency is regarded as a fault for which the marriage may be annulled. But if his situation is explained clearly to the woman and her guardian, then the Muslims are bound by their conditions. Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen. (www.islam-qa.com) 10620: Is it permissible for a man who is suffering from some sexual difficulties to get married? Question: I’m still a single man who wants to get married. But I have a little problem...that problem has to do with slight, doubtful, and irregular impotence. And I keep thinking that if I do get married that my future wife would not accept that. That may cause a divorce. What are the best things to do? And should I get married, or not? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The nature of human beings is that there are great differences among them with regard to sexual desire. Some of them have strong desires, some have less than that, to a greater or lesser extent, and there are some who have no desire at all. If you have any desire at all, even if it is little, then you may get married; it is sufficient for 370

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you to be able to have intercourse, even if it is only once every month or every two months. Fatwa of Shaykh Ibn Jibreen, from Fataawa Islamiyyah, vol. 3, p. 161. But if there is a complete inability to have intercourse, then that must be made clear to the guardian of the woman before the marriage takes place. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 10004: Does he have to divorce his wife if she rejects Islam? Question: should one divorce his wife is she rejects islam Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If your wife is from among the People of the Book – Jewish or Christian – then you do not have to divorce her; you can keep her and this is permissible. But if your wife is a follower of another religion, or has no religion at all, then the very fact of your being Muslim means that you must be separated, because it is not permissible for a Muslim to be married to a mushrikah; if he does that then he is a zaani (fornicator, adulterer) and that is not a (valid) marriage. Shaykh Sa’d al-Humayd (www.islam-qa.com) 371

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10009: Why is it forbidden for a woman to have multiple husbands at one time? Question: Why are women not allowed to have 3 or 4 husbands but men can have 3 or 4 wives? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. This is connected primarily to faith in Allaah. All religions are agreed that it is not permissible for a woman to have intercourse with anyone except her husband. Among these religions are those which are undoubtedly of heavenly origin, such as Islam and the original versions of Judaism and Christianity. Belief in Allaah dictates submission to His rulings and laws, for Allaah is All-Wise and AllKnowing, He knows what is in the best interests of mankind. So we may understand the wisdom behind the ruling of sharee’ah, or we may not be able to grasp it. With regard to the permissibility of multiple spouses for men and its prohibition for women, there are several issues which are obvious to every intelligent person. Allaah has made woman like a vessel, but man is not like that. If a woman becomes pregnant (when she has had intercourse with a number of men at one time), the father can never be known. People’s lines of descent and lineage will be mixed up, families will be destroyed and children will be lost. Women will be burdened with so many children that they will be unable to bring them up and spend on their maintenance. Maybe women would find themselves forced to sterilize themselves, which would lead to the extinction of the human race. Moreover it is medically 372

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proven now that one of the major causes of the serious diseases which have become widespread, such as AIDS etc., is women having intercourse with more than one man, and the mixing of seminal fluids in the woman’s womb causes these lethal diseases. Hence Allaah has prescribed a waiting period (‘iddah) for a woman who has been divorced or whose husband has died, until enough time has passed for her womb and passages to be cleansed of any traces of her former husband, and the monthly period also has a role to play in this matter. Perhaps these brief pointers will dispense with the need for a lengthy discussion. If the purpose of the question is research for a university or other assignment, he may refer to the books which have been written on the topic of plural marriage (polygyny) and the wisdom behind it. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Shaykh Sa’d al-Humayd (www.islam-qa.com) 5511: When is it obligatory for men to get married? Question: is it obligatory for men to get married? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The ruling on marriage for men differs according to their situations and circumstances. Marriage is obligatory on the man who is able to marry and longs to get married, and fears “hardship” otherwise, because it is obligatory for him to protect himself from doing haraam deeds and 373

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to keep himself chaste – and this can only be achieved through marriage. Al-Qurtubi said: if a person is able to marry and fears that he may be harmed or his religious commitment may be adversely affected if he remains single, the only way to prevent this harm is through marriage, and there is no difference of opinion among the scholars – they agree that marriage is obligatory on such a person. Al-Mardaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book Al-Insaaf: Part Three: the one who fears “hardship”. In the case of such a person, marriage is obligatory, and this is the unanimous opinion of the scholars… “Hardship” here means zinaa (fornication), according to the correct opinion. Or it was said that it means being doomed by committing zinaa… What is meant by “Unless he fears that he may fall into committing forbidden actions” means, if he knows or thinks that he will do that. In Al-Furoo’ it says: (marriage) becomes obligatory only when he is sure that he will do that. (AlInsaaf, part 8; Kitaab al-Nikaah, Ahkaam al-Nikaah). If he wants to get married but is unable to spend on a wife, then he should adhere to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allâh enriches them of His Bounty” [al-Noor 24:33] So he should fast a lot, because of the hadeeth narrated from Ibn Mas’ood who said that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young people, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, for it helps one to lower the gaze and protect the private parts (i.e., remain chaste). Whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it is a protection for him.” 374

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‘Umar said to Abu’l-Zawaa’id: “Nothing is stopping you from getting married except incapacity or immorality.” (See Fiqh Al-Sunnah, 2/15-17) Marriage is obligatory on anyone who is single and committing sin such as looking or kissing. If a man or women knows or thinks it most likely that if he does not get married he will commit zinaa – or whatever comes under the same rulings or is similar to it, such as masturbation, then marriage is obligatory. It is still obligatory even if a person knows that he will still commit sin after marriage, because once he is married he will be less likely to commit sin, because he will be distracted from it at least part of the time, whereas if he remains single he will commit sin all the time. Anyone who looks at the state of things in our times, how there is so much immorality and so much temptation, will be convinced that the obligation to marry is even more important now than at any time in the past. We ask Allaah to purify our hearts, keep us away from haraam things and help us to be chaste. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 1665: Is it obligatory for a woman to get married? Question: Is it obligatory for a woman to get married? Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

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In response to your question, we will look briefly at what some of the Muslim fuqahaa’ have written on this topic. In Mawaahib al-Jaleel it was said: “Marriage is obligatory for a woman who is unable to feed or clothe herself unless she gets married.” In al-Sharh al-Kabeer, concerning obligatory marriage it says: “If a person fears that he may commit fornication, it (marriage) is obligatory on him.” In Fath al-Wahhaab, it says: “For the woman who has (physical) desires, marriage is sunnah, just as it is for the one who needs maintenance and the one who fears being taken advantage of by immoral persons.” In Mughni al-Muhtaaj, it says: “(Marriage) becomes waajib (obligatory) if a person fears fornication… And it was said that it becomes obligatory if a person has made a vow (nadhr) to get married.” Then concerning the ruling with regard to women: “If she needs to get married, i.e., she has physical desires, or needs maintenance, or she is afraid that immoral people may take advantage of her… it is preferable (mustahabb) for her to get married, because this will protect her religion and her chastity, and she can enjoy what her husband spends on her, and other advantages.” Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book al-Mughni: “Our colleagues differed as to whether marriage is obligatory. The best-known opinion in our madhhab is that it is not obligatory, except when a person is afraid of committing a forbidden deed if he does not marry. In that case he should make himself chaste (i.e. get married). This is the opinion of the majority of fuqahaa’.” When it comes to marriage, people are of three types, one of which is those who fear that they may commit forbidden deeds if they do not get married. It is obligatory for such people to get married, according to the majority of fuqahaa’, because it is obligatory for them to make 376

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themselves chaste and protect themselves from haraam. In Subul al-Salaam it says: “Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eed said that some of the fuqahaa’ said that marriage is obligatory for the one who fears sin or hardship (because of suppressing physical desires) and is able to marry… and it is obligatory for the one who cannot avoid fornication unless he gets married.” In Badaa’i’ al-Sanaa’i’, it says: “There is no dispute that marriage is an obligation when desire is strong. If a person has such a strong desire for women that he cannot be patient, and he can afford to pay the mahr (dowry) and support a wife, then if he does not get married, he is a sinner.” From the above discussion, we can see a number of situations in which marriage is obligatory. You might ask: “How can we imagine a woman fulfilling this obligation when usually it is the man who goes around knocking on doors looking for a partner? This is not the woman’s role.” The answer is: what a woman can do to fulfil this command is not to refuse marriage when a suitable, compatible man comes with an offer of marriage. Muslim women and men need to understand the high status which marriage has in Islam, so that they will be more keen to marry. There follows a useful summary on this topic by Imaam Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi (may Allaah have mercy on him), from his book al-Mughni: The basis of the legitimacy of marriage is the Qur’aan, Sunnah and ijmaa’ (consensus of the scholars). In the Qur’aan, Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings): ‘… marry women of your choice, two or three, or four…’ [al-Nisaa’ 4:3] and ‘And marry those among you who are single and (also marry) the saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves)…’ [al-Noor 24:32]. The Prophet (peace 377

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and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men! Whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for this will lower his gaze and protect his chastity. Whoever cannot (get married), then let him fast, for fasting will be a protection for him.” (Agreed upon). There are many other ayaat and reports like these. The Muslims agree that marriage is legitimate. Ibn Mas’ood said: “If I only had ten days left to live, and I knew that I would die at the end of them, and I was able to get married, I would do so, for fear of fitnah (temptation).” Ibn ‘Abbaas said to Sa’eed ibn Jubayr: “Get married, for the best of this ummah are those who have more wives.” Ibraaheem ibn Maysarah said: “Taawoos said to me: ‘Either you get married, or I will say to you what ‘Umar said to Abu’l-Zawaa’id: There is nothing stopping you from getting married but either impotence or immorality!’ According to al-Mirwadhi, Ahmad said: ‘Celibacy has nothing to do with Islam. Whoever calls you not to get married is calling you to something other than Islam.’” Then he said (may Allaah have mercy on him): The benefits of marriage are many. They include: protecting one’s religion and helping one to adhere to it; protecting and taking care of women; and producing offspring and increasing the ranks of the ummah, thus achieving the pride of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), etc. [Translator’s note: there is a hadeeth which indicates that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) will feel proud of the large numbers of his ummah in the Hereaster, so Muslims are encouraged to marry and have many children.] It should now be clear that the benefits of marriage are many. No wise Muslim woman would hesitate to get 378

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married, especially if an offer of marriage comes from a person who is strongly committed to Islam and is possessed of a good character and morals. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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